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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<table style='min-width:0; padding:0; margin-left:0; border-collapse:collapse'> - <tr><td style='padding:0'>Title:</td><td style='padding:0'>Christmas Chat</td></tr> - <tr><td style='padding:0'></td><td style='padding:0'>or, Observations on the late change at court, on the different characters of the ins and outs; and on the present state of publick affairs.</td></tr> -</table> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Anonymous</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: May 30, 2021 [eBook #65472]</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)</div> - -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT ***</div> - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c000' /> -</div> -<div> - <h1 class='c001'><span class='c002'><i>CHRISTMAS CHAT:</i></span><br /> <br /><span class='xlarge'>OR,</span><br /> <br /> <span class='c003'>OBSERVATIONS</span><br /> <br /><span class='xlarge'>On the Late</span><br /> <br /> <span class='c004'><span class='sc'>Change</span> at <span class='sc'>Court</span>,</span><br /> <br /> <span class='xlarge'>On the different</span><br /> <br /><span class='c005'>Characters of the INS and OUTS;</span><br /> <br /> <span class='xlarge'>And on the</span><br /> <br /><span class='c006'>Present <span class='sc'>State</span> of <span class='sc'>Publick Affairs</span>.</span></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div><span class='xlarge'>A</span></div> - <div class='c000'><em class='gesperrt'><span class='c007'>DIALOGUE</span></em></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>Spoke at the Country Seat of one of the</span></div> - <div><span class='xlarge'><i>New Ministry</i>, in the late Holy Days,</span></div> - <div><span class='xlarge'>the Day before his Re-election;</span></div> - <div class='c000'><em class='gesperrt'><span class='c007'>BETWEEN</span></em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l c008'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Broadbottom</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Overall</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Roseband</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Sir <span class='sc'>John Probeum</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Smoothwell</span>, &</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Blunt</span>.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c009' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='xlarge'><em class='gesperrt'><i>LONDON</i></em>:</span></div> - <div class='c000'>Printed for <span class='sc'>M. Cooper</span>, at the Globe in <i>Paternoster Row</i>; 1745.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c000' /> -</div> -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span> -<img src='images/i001a.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c010'> - <div><span class='c004'><i>CHRISTMAS CHAT:</i></span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>OR,</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='c004'>OBSERVATIONS</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>On the Late</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='c011'><span class='sc'>Change</span> at <span class='sc'>Court</span>,</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>A</span></div> - <div class='c000'><em class='gesperrt'><span class='c007'>DIALOGUE</span></em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c012' /> -<p class='c013'><i>Broadbottom</i>, Sir <i>John Probeum</i>, <i>Overall</i>, -<i>Roseband</i>, <i>Blunt</i>, and <i>Smoothwell</i>, sitting -round a Table at <i>Broadbottom’s</i> House.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Overall</i>.</p> -<div class='c014'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/i001b.jpg' width='100' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi1_1'> -TRUCE with Politics, I -beseech you, Gentlemen.——I -gad! ’tis unconscionable -to lecture a Man -thus at his own House.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span><i>Broadbottom</i>. By no means, Mr. <i>Overall</i>; -I look upon the Freedom with which my -worthy Neighbours here treat me, as an -Instance of their Friendship and Regard.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Roseband</i>. There spoke the Christian and -Man of sound Understanding——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Pshaw! P—x! What have we -Fox-hunters to do with sound Understandings?——Give -me a sound Bottom, Parson, -and you are welcome to keep your Christianity -and sound Understanding for your -next <i>Christmas</i> Conversation. Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Right, Mr. <i>Overall</i>; I say a sound -Bottom too.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Come, Gentlemen, let the Toast -go round.——To all sound Bottoms—No -Affront, I hope, to any one here.——What -say’st thou, honest <i>Blunt</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I say, the Vicar need not make -those d——d wry Faces at Toasting the best -Thing in Nature.——You have been paying -Homage for twenty Years to a <i>Broadbottom</i>, -and now winch at the naming a <i>Sound</i> one.——Ah! -Mr. <i>Roseband</i>; the <i>Jesuit</i> sticks -to the Cloth in <i>England</i> as at <i>Rome</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smoothwell</i>. Why so, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>? The -Words <i>Sound Bottom</i> convey an Idea which -Mr. <i>Roseband</i> might wish not to conceive.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And pray, good Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, -what is there of indecent or unseemly in the -Idea conceived at the mention of those two -harmless Words, <i>Sound</i> and <i>Bottom</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span><i>Over</i>. Wou’d a reverend Divine wish to -be put in Mind of the Days of his Youth? -Ha, ha!—— Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, had you been bred -at <i>Oxford</i>, as the Doctor was, you wou’d -have known that all are not <i>Sound</i> that grace -<i>Magdalen</i> Walks on a Summer’s Evening. -Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, you must not -mind the Fox-hunter; you know his Way; -he treats his Friends as freely as he wishes -they would treat him.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. I believe so, Sir <i>John</i>, and therefore -am in full Charity with Mr. <i>Overall</i>. But -I can’t so readily digest my Neighbour -<i>Blunt</i>’s coupling the <i>English</i> Vicar with the -<i>Romish</i> Jesuit.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. In their Politics only; as for Religion, -I leave that to the great Searcher of -Hearts.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Ah, dear <i>Blunt</i>! how many modern -Hearts will bear a Search?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Ask Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>; he was -last at Court.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I was so, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, but you -know I am but a late Comer there.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Perhaps it had been as well for -yourself and your Country, if you had not -come there at all.—— You’ll excuse my -Bluntness, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, you know I -speak freely to those I wish well.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I know your Worth, and thank -you for your Freedom.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span><i>Blunt</i>. I hope you do, because I mean to -continue and deserve your Friendship, if -you continue your Country’s Friend at -Court.——To be plain with you, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -I am not altogether reconciled to -the critical <i>Time</i> and <i>Manner</i> of your going -to Court. ’tis an infectious Air, against -which <i>Abstinence</i> alone is the Specific.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. ’Sflesh! <i>Blunt</i>, you don’t expect -your late worthy Member, who so often -cram’d your Brother Aldermen and yourself -with Ham and Chicken, would keep Lent -at Court?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Let him but abstain from entering -into any Covenants, and he may swill -as much as he will of his Majesty’s Old-Hock.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Covenants! What Covenants do -you suppose, should be expected from me?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. The direct contrary of those you -entered into with our Corporation at your -last Election.——Perhaps, you forget them.——Shall -I refresh your Memory?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. You need not. I am come down to -make you fresh Assurances of serving my -Country to the utmost of my Power.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I know you are come down to be -re-elected; and that this Company have -been invited here to-day, to receive your -Excuses for your late Acceptance of an Employment.—</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_5'>5</span><i>Smooth</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, your Corporation -could not expect that their Representative -would never accept of a Place under the -Crown; therefore what Excuses has the -Gentleman to make?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. More, I fear, than you can make -for him with all your Quirks of Law. -If he accepted of a Post without any Salvo, -and forgets that he has a Post whenever he is -to vote in Parliament, I will then say that -he needs not make Excuses for going to -Court.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Ay, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, provided my -worthy Neighbour, <i>Broadbottom</i>, turns not -a mere <i>Courtier</i>, by going to Court, he -shall have all our Consents to stay at Court -and rise there.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. A Man may rise in the Army and -Navy, and meritoriously; but what dirty -Work must a Man trudge thro’ to rise at -Court?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why should a Man be obliged to -do more servile Work at Court than in the -Church, where we see the Learned and Pious -rise, and are translated every Day?——I -expect my good Friend here, Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, -to rise to a Deanery soon, now his -Patron has taken a Stride to Court.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And shou’d Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i> -rise at Court, as I doubt not he will if he continues -there longer than the present Session -of Parliament; why might not my reverend -<span class='pageno' id='Page_6'>6</span>Neighbour here, rise from the Deanery to -a Mitre?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, you have been always my -Friend; so have you Mr. <i>Blunt</i>. Gentlemen, -you are all of you my Friends, and as such—have -a Right to examine my late Conduct. -I have accepted of a Place, ’tis true, without -consulting you; but hope in so doing, -not to have forfeited the good Opinion -which I flatter myself you always entertain’d -of me.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Since we are, and you think -us your Friends, ’tis fit we should deal with -you like Friends. To be plain with you, -Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, we here in the Country, -who wish well to our King and the Nation, -think ourselves justify’d in conceiving a -Jealousy of the Nature, Time and Manner -of the late or rather the present Change in -the Ministry. I will explain myself.—— ’tis -not so properly a <i>Change</i> of, as an <i>Ingraftment</i> -upon the Ministry. Supposing -the few of your Party that are brought <i>in</i>, -were to continue as honest and sincere, as -those <i>Deserters</i>, who made room for them, -were disingenuous and self-interested; what -can you do against Numbers? What Success -can poor <i>England</i> expect from the Endeavours -of so few?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Sir <i>John</i>, you forget that -the Opposition grew.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span>Sir <i>John</i>. No, Sir, I don’t forget that -Opposition founded on virtuous Principles -will always grow. But what <i>Opposition</i> -can you expect to grow in a Court? You -late Comers there are but the Tail of the -Administration. Can you direct the Head -and Body? Must it not move as they direct, -or be lopt off? What will Opposition in -Council avail, where the Majority will be -so great against you? And as for Opposition -in P——t, there will be none, there -can be none. The late <i>Deserters</i>, who are -now flung out, should they grumble and -oppose, no Creature living will adhere to -them that has a Drachm of either Sense or -Virtue. And by the present Scheme, you -who were late Leaders of Opposition, are -taken off, and consequently all Opposition -ceases. I wish I may be mistaken; but, -methinks, I see a Scheme, and the artfullest -and deepest that ever was laid in this -Nation, now put in Execution.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. How, Sir <i>John</i>! a Scheme deeper -than the <i>Excise</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Or last Year’s <i>Invasion</i>, which -produced such Chearfulness in granting more -Millions than ever were granted in any one -Session before?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Or the late Sir <i>R——t</i>’s Scheme -for securing his own Retreat?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Retreat! Do you think it a Retreat -for a Man to quit the Stage to go behind -<span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span>the Curtain, where he sets all the Puppets -in Motion?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. He does so; and this is not -the least Adroit of his Motions. All the -present Ministry, the late small <i>Engraftment</i> -excepted, are his known Creatures. -They were most of them of his own bringing -up, and of course act by his Directions.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Sir <i>John</i>, how shall we be -affected by his Motions? I hope you don’t -suppose he will be able to influence us -New comers, as you call us, however he -may direct his Pupils.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I hope he won’t; but I’ll answer -for it, he does not now matter whether -he can or no. He has lull’d you into a -Stupor, and having unperceptibly depriv’d -you of your Sting, you are no longer the -terrible Men you appeared to the Court -some time ago.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. They are now become the <i>Drones</i> -of the Hive; ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. They are really no better. Pardon -me, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, if I think the -Epithet fits all you who are brought in to -countenance Measures the Nation disapproves -of——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. To colour an ignominious Peace, -which is thought to be on the Anvil, because -the late Conduct of our Superiors renders -a Peace of any kind absolutely necessary.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span><i>Over</i>. And to be kick’d out again as soon -as those dirty Ends are answered, which -they were introduc’d to promote: Gad, -Brother Foxhunter, I should not care to be -<i>rump’d</i> after I had said <i>yea</i> and <i>nay</i> as directed. -You see what End the late Patriot -<i>Pretenders</i> are come to. —— Z—ns Man! -fall not, like those Coxcombs, ’tween two -Stools.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. There lies the Depth of the -present Scheme, which is but the second -Part of the late. The late <i>Deserters</i>, as -they are justly call’d, saw not that they -were digging Pits for themselves, while they -were bargaining to drop their Party for -Places at Court. What better, Mr <i>Broadbottom</i>, -have you been lately doing for yourself? -If you answer the <i>Purpose</i> of your -being taken into the Ministry, supposing it -disagreeable to the Nation, you are irrecoverably -lost in the Opinion of all who -esteem’d you before; and of consequence -will be no better than a Drone all your -Life long.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Pray, Sir <i>John</i>, why will you -suppose the <i>Purpose</i> of the Ministry to be -disagreeable to the Nation?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Because I have known in my -Time but very few, if any Ministerial -<i>Purposes</i> that deserv’d public Approbation.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. You would not have us be against -<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>the Continuance of the War, till an honourable -Peace can be obtain’d?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Nor against the Support of the -War while it continues.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Nor against such a Peace, as the -Success of the War may intitle us to.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. So! the Lessons are already put -by Heart.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why not? you forget how apt -Lawyers and Divines are to learn. Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And Patriots too, when once they -creep within the Palace Gates.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, I am well acquainted -with the Uprightness of your Heart. -You love me, and therefore fear I am to -be deluded from my Duty to my Country -by the Allurements of a Post. But let me -intreat my Friends to suppress their Fears -till the End of the Session.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I should not wonder by the End of -the present Session, or at least before the Beginning -of the next, to see you and your Brethren -reduced to your primitive Nakedness. -Of what Use can you be, after you grant -all the Court wants, and reject or throw -cold Water on every Motion for the Benefit -of the Nation?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Motion for the Benefit of the -Nation, said you! Who will make such a -Motion? Or if made, who will support it? -Neighbour <i>Blunt</i>, I don’t wonder that -you, who never sat in Parliament, should -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>mistake the Nature of <i>Motions</i> made there; -but I, who represented your Borough in -my younger Days, am able from my Experience -to inform you, that no important -<i>Motion</i> of public Benefit will be made this -Session; or, if fortuitously made, will be -seconded. The different Parties in the -House, and Parties with different Views -there always were and will be, are led by a -<i>few</i>, who may be said to direct all the -Operations of the Session. Among that <i>few</i>, -there is generally some one or two who are -permitted to take the Lead in all Deliberations, -and from thence may be said to -direct the whole. Supposing then that the -Court should find means to take off not -only that <i>one</i>, or those <i>two</i> or <i>three</i>, but -all the Chiefs or Directors of an Opposition -at the Beginning of a Session, how can it -be expected that any Motions of Moment -will be made? or, as I said before, if made -will be seconded? All Motions to be made, -that are of consequence, are first projected -by the Leaders, and communicated and recommended -at their private Meetings and -Clubs. But strip the Party of such Leaders, -before they have Time to make, or -even resolve on a new Choice of Chiefs, and -there is an End of all such necessary and -usual Communications and Recommendations, -and probably of the very Meetings -antecedent to them. In time, a new Set -<span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span>of Leaders may arise, but there must be -Proof of their Truth and Abilities before -they can acquire the necessary Confidence; -and such Proof is not produced hastily.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Right, old Sportsman. It must -be <i>Truth</i> and <i>Time</i> that acquire the Captains -of Foxhounds the Confidence of the -Pack.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Mr. <i>Overall</i>, you might have -spared your Comparison of Foxhounds and -Members of Parliament.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Nor is Sir <i>John</i>’s Doctrine of <i>Motions</i> -less seasonable or pertinent.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Decent Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, and you -cautious Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, when are apt Comparisons -to be made or necessary, and seasonable -Truths to be spoken, unless it be -on such an Occasion, and at such a Time -as the present?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. See how these Law-and-Gospel-Mongers -would debar a Freeborn from the -Privilege of expostulating with the Man to -whom he is going to delegate his Life, -Liberty and Fortune!—— Z—ds, <i>Broadbottom</i>, -sure you are not already become so -rank a Courtier, as to have retained the -Vicar of your Parish, and the Steward of -your Manors, to padlock the friendly Lips -of your plain and upright Neighbours?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Far be it from me to endeavour -preventing the Expostulations of my Friends. -I have always asked the Opinion of my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>Constituents in all Matters of Moment, -since I have been in Parliament, and hope -they will admit that I have not misused -the Trust committed to me.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Sir, we believ’d you a true -<i>Englishman</i>; at least, let me speak for myself, -I did so, or I had not given you so -often my Vote and Interest to represent -your Country in Parliament: And I confess, -that by all that appears, you have -honourably discharged the Trust reposed in -you. But, Sir, the good Opinion I have -had of you, and even that which I entertain -of you at present, are no such Securities -for your future Conduct, considering -the present State of Affairs, as should efface -all Traces of Doubt and Jealousy out of -my Mind. You are a Man, and as such, -are not exempt from <i>Selfishness</i>, a Passion -which Ministers never fail to sooth and -gratify. I may believe you mean well; -but can’t help dreading your suffering -yourself to be <i>sweeten’d</i> from your good -Intentions.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, your Concern for my -future Conduct speaks the Sincerity of your -Friendship, and I am therefore the more oblig’d -to you. But methinks the known -Probity and Honour of those Men we join -in the Administration might lay your -Doubts and Jealousies concerning my Behaviour -for the Time to come.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>Sir <i>John</i>. I have nothing to do with the -private <i>Probity</i> and <i>Honour</i> of any Gentleman; -but, Sir, if you expect I should -think as favourably of those that have lately -invited you to associate with them, as -you seem to do, you are grossly mistaken. -You differ in Opinion concerning those -Gentlemen, whom you now seem to applaud, -not only with me, but with yourself. -What have those <i>most deserving Men</i> done of -late to acquire your good Opinion? It was but -just before you went up to the first Meeting -of the present Session, that you heartily -joined Mr. <i>Blunt</i> and myself, in condemning -the <i>Passiveness</i> of all those whom you -now associate with and praise. What have -they done for the Public since, or ever before, -that should endear them to you or -any true <i>Englishman</i>? Was Sir <i>R—— W——</i>’s -whole Administration obnoxious to the Majority -of the Nation? was it injurious to -all? did not those you now are <i>grafted</i> -upon, concur with him in all his Measures? -were they not most of them, the Creatures -of his Power? were not the chief of -them his Pupils, train’d up in all his Arts -and Wiles? are they not of his rearing? -are they not distinguishable at this very -Hour by his Stamp?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. By this Scheme of <i>Ingraftment</i> it -plainly appears, that if they don’t wear -<span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>his Livery in View, they wear it under their -upper Garments.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. So that Sir <i>Brass</i>, like his Employer, -still has his cloven Foot in all our -Affairs.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. As sure as this new-devised <i>Ingraftment</i> -will ruin all our <i>Affairs</i>, unless -the <i>Projector</i> and his <i>Disciples</i> will be so -humble as to submit to be led by the Few -they have called in to help steer the Bark -in a Storm.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And what was it but their own -servile <i>Passiveness</i> that had occasion’d the -<i>Storm</i> which they now endeavour to quell -by the Help of Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i> and his Brethren -in the late Opposition? What could -the late fallen <i>Minister</i>, of whom they -affect to complain as the Author of all our -Calamities; what could that <i>Phaeton</i>, I say, -have done, had he not been supported by -those who now affect to quit rather than -draw with him? Had not they the Power -of the <i>Purse</i>? had not they in that and every -other Respect, the Means of tying up that -<i>Adventurer</i>’s Hands from hurting his Country, -if they would? Yes, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -those Men you now venerate so much, had -the <i>Power</i>, but they wanted the <i>Will</i>. And -what was it but that fundamental, primary -Ingredient in the Composition of some Men, -<i>Selfishness</i>, which induced those Men to -misuse the Power they then had?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span><i>Rose</i>. By your Leave, Sir <i>John</i>, tho’ the -late Minister, the <i>Phaeton</i>, as you call him, -may have misused his Power; I don’t see -why these Gentlemen who <i>remain</i> in the -Administration should be involved in his -Guilt.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Smoke the Parson, Gentlemen; -mind how cautiously he treads on <i>Jack’s</i> -Heels.——<i>May have misused his Power!</i> -How gently he touches the Sore! Then -again, the charitable <i>Man can’t see the least -Speck of Gall</i> in the <i>Doves</i> that have thrust -<i>Jack</i> from the <i>Barn Door</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Ah! Mr. <i>Overall</i>, that <i>Barn</i> has -made many an honest Man otherwise.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I don’t think it so, Mr. Mayor; -a Man truly Honest is no more to be corrupted -than a Woman truly Chast. But as it -is she only who is a Whore in her Heart -that can be defiled, so is it he only who is -a Rogue in his Heart, that can be warped -from his Integrity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Gad, Sir <i>John</i>, I should be glad -to know where your <i>truly Honest</i> Men and -<i>truly Chast</i> Ladies grow. For in my poor -Observation, I knew but one Man and one -Woman that truly deserved the Epithet.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Your Mother was the precious -Exception of one Sex.——Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. And his pious <i>Dad</i> the other.——Ha, -ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span><i>Over</i>. Neither; among the Men, <i>Jack</i> -the late M—r was the Exception, because -he was the only Minister that ever I heard -or read of, who had the <i>Honesty</i> to pretend -to <i>none</i>. And among the Fair, Madame -<i>V—te</i>, who held out till her H—d commanded -her and conducted her himself to -the Arms of her Lover.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Omnes</i>. Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I say nothing of the Aptness of -your Exception among the Fair; but really, -Mr. <i>Overall</i>, you have hit it off in regard -to the other Sex. The late M—r -was a Prodigy in his Way. I won’t say that -I ever knew a less virtuous Minister, but I -will, that I never knew one made less -Pretensions to Virtue.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. He courted Virtue as he did Applause.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And was he not the Honester, -for not pretending to that he resolved not to -practise, and for not courting that which -he knew he did not deserve? But what -better Pretensions have they, who, as my -Friend Mr. <i>Overall</i> terms it, thrust him -from the <i>Barn Door</i>, to either Virtue or -Applause? Did they not give a Sanction -to all his Measures? Were not they Partners -of his Guilt? And more, were they -not the Partners of his Predecessor’s Guilt? -Had the late Minister shewn less Contempt -for them; had he wore more the Appearance -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>of Modesty, or had more Deference for -their Opinions; had he seem’d to draw with -them; had he not ingross’d solely to himself -the <i>Distribution</i> of the Court <i>Manna</i>: Had -he, in short, shared with his Fellow Ministers -the vast Emoluments arising from -the Distribution of the <i>Secret-Service</i> Money, -I fancy we should never have heard -of the present unnatural <i>Ingraftment</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Since you will have it an <i>Ingraftment</i> -rather than a <i>Coalition</i>, it shall be so; -but why should it be an unnatural <i>Ingraftment</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why indeed? Don’t we see <i>Non-pareilles</i> -and <i>Golden Pippins</i> daily grafted -on <i>Crabs</i>, and yet thrive? Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Yes, Mr. <i>Overall</i>; because -they are all nourished by their common -Parent, the Earth; and the <i>Crab-Tree</i> is a -Channel only for the Nurture to pass thro’. -In this Case, the Earth, from whence both -Species receive Nourishment, remains pure -and uninfected; the <i>Crab</i> has no more Influence -than the <i>Pippin</i>. But can we suppose -the Parity will hold in the other Case? -The old <i>Standards</i> in the Administration -ingross the <i>Soil</i>: The <i>ingrafted Shoots</i> shall -have no more Communication with it, than -their elder Brethren shall be pleased to permit.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. I am sorry to see all Sir <i>John</i>’s Observations -tinctured with Uncharitableness. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>Why should the old <i>Standards</i>, as you call -those that remain of the late Ministry, infect -the Soil, by which I suppose the —— -is meant, any more than the <i>ingrafted Shoots</i> -or new Comers?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. The <i>new Comers</i>, for aught I -know, wou’d be as arrant Courtiers, as -supple Fawners in time, as the old <i>Standards</i> -themselves, had they equal Opportunity. But -my Life for’t, the <i>Ingrafted</i> will be kept -at Arms Length from the Royal Ear.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I hope not, Sir <i>John</i>; those we -join are Men of Honour; and they assure -us of going Hand in Hand with us——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. To raise the <i>Supplies</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. And screen Delinquents.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Will they join, think you, in -National Parsimony, in the Encouragement -of Trade and Industry, and the Discouragement -of Venality and Corruption? Will -they join in repealing those Laws which -affect <i>Freedom</i>, and in lessening the vast -Power accruing to the Crown from the -great Weight of our Debts and Taxes, by the -Distribution of civil Employments? Will -they join——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Yes, Sir <i>John</i>, in fleecing the Nation -to fill their own Pockets, and gratify -Mr. <i>Nameless</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. That same <i>Nameless</i> must have an -excellent <i>Digestion</i>; and sure his necessary -Woman must have golden Days of it; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>for without doubt, he who swallows so -much <i>Gold</i> must sh—t a great deal of the -Metal.—— But I forget that <i>H——</i> is the -<i>Close-stool</i>, where all the precious Excrement -centers.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And but <i>One</i>, on this Side the -Water, has a Key to that valuable Repository.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. For Cleanliness of Conversation, -commend me to you both, Gentlemen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. And for doubling and time-serving, -commend me to Gownsmen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Gentlemen, I intreat we may -live sociably together as usual. Let us not -give Way to Spleen or Ill-nature. Mr. -<i>Roseband</i> and Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i> happen at -this Time to be in a more charitable Disposition -than the rest of the Company. -But, I assure myself, you will be all of one -Opinion, when you see perfect <i>Concord</i> in -the Administration, and that <i>Union</i> directed -to promote publick Happiness.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I heartily -agree with you in the Banishment of Heat -and Sarcasm from our Conversation; but -can’t help dissenting from you in the other -Point. Without giving up my Reason, I -can’t reckon upon <i>Concord</i> between two -Sets of Men, as seemingly different in their -Views and Principles as can well be imagin’d. -By all that appears hitherto, you -lately <i>Ingrafted</i>, have acted on Principles -<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>the most honourable, and with Views the -most disinterested that ever Men did; -whereas the <i>old Standards</i> seem to have -no Views but to <i>Self-Interest</i>, nor Principles, -but such as are repugnant to <i>Patriotism</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. <i>Patriotism!</i> Ha, ha! Poor Wanderer! -Where has she taken up her Habitation, -since she was sent adrift by those -<i>Ingrafted</i> about two Years ago upon the -old Stock?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Patience. Mr. <i>Overall</i>, and you -shall see her perch’d on the joint Endeavours -of our mottley Ministry to save the -Nation.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I hope you will, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, tho’ -you speak it with a Sneer.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I heartily wish we may. But in -my Mind, the Coalition on which you -reckon so much, is as impracticable as -squaring the Circle, if you Gentlemen -newly <i>Ingrafted</i>, and <i>those</i> you are <i>Ingrafted</i> -on, <i>thought</i> as you <i>spoke</i> and <i>acted</i>, -and continue the same way of <i>thinking</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Have not you seen, that the late -<i>Ingrafted</i> had two Ways of <i>thinking</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. One fitted for the <i>Country</i>, the -other for the <i>Court</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Good Mr. Mayor, spare your -Friends, at least till you find them tripping.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>Sir <i>John</i>. For my Part, the whole Stress -of my Argument rests on a Supposition; -that both Parties of the Administration will -adhere to their native Principles and Way -of thinking. On this Supposition then where -can be the <i>Concord</i>, where the <i>Coalition</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Just where the Union would be -between Kites and Doves.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. But, my Fox-hunter, leaving -Concord and Union out of the Question, -when has it been seen, that spotless innocent -<i>Doves</i> have had the weak Complaisance -of associating with the crafty and -guilty <i>Kites</i>, on the first Offer of Friendship -and Cordiality?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Still, my worthy Magistrate, severe -upon your old Friends?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, call not that -Severity, which is the Result of Friendship. -I judge of Mr. <i>Blunt</i> by myself, who, -because I esteem you, fear you may be imposed -upon in the Step you have lately taken. You -could not but see that the Court made to -you, was the Effect rather of <i>Necessity</i> than -<i>Choice</i>. You must not be the Man of Penetration -I take you for, unless you saw -that you would be an unwelcome Guest -at C—t, and an unwelcome Companion -to those who invited you thither. In -such Circumstances, I should expect that -you, and those whom you have selected among -your Party to accompany you, wou’d -<span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span>insist upon such Terms for your Country, -as would endear you to your Countrymen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Sir <i>John</i>, would it become -us to insist on Terms, when none were -exacted from us?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. It not only would become you -to insist on such Terms as would be of public -Utility, but it was absolutely necessary -you shou’d, if you would maintain your -Character and serve your Country. You -<i>New Comers</i> are but a few, if compared to -those you are ingrafted on. They may, -and probably will out-argue, or rather out-vote -you, whenever you shall presume to -oppose their Measures; and should you -persist in your Opposition, they will thrust -you from the <i>Barn</i> for your Contumacy. -Such will be the best of your Case.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Best do you call it? Pray, Sir -<i>John</i>, what do you call the Worst of their -Case?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. To quit their own Principles, -and take up those of the old <i>Standards</i>. -In that Case they might think to mend -their own private Fortunes, but would most -certainly ruin their Country, and of course -would lose all Credit with their Countrymen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But is it impossible for Men of -different Principles to meet each other half -Way, and agree in such Essentials as may -promote the general Good of the Community?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>Sir <i>John</i>. He who meets an Opponent -half way, recedes from his own Principles, -and embraces in part at least, those of -his Antagonist. Now if your <i>Principles</i> -were <i>sound</i>, and those of the <i>old Standards -unsound</i>, as we must believe from your -constant Opposition for the Time past; -how can you depart from yours, without -embracing <i>unsound</i> Principles? No, Sir, I -protest against half-way Meetings between -a Majority in <i>Power</i>, and a few, who, I’m -afraid, grasp too eagerly at a Shred, or rather -Shadow of that <i>Power</i>. The <i>Magnet</i> -is with the greater Number; pray Heaven, -it attracts not the smaller to it!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Why so desponding, Sir <i>John</i>, -you who were won’t to be the firmest Prop -of our Party Hopes?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. To be very serious, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -I apprehend we are in a wretched -Situation; and I see but one Means, by -which we may hope to better our Condition. -But I foresee that we sha’n’t have -the Wisdom or Virtue to pursue that only -Way. Notwithstanding the Groupe of Ills -we labour under; notwithstanding our -Necks are sore gall’d with the Yoke, I fear, -should the Time of procuring ourselves Ease -ever offer, Corruption will prevail, and -<i>Avarice</i> will chuse the Continuance of our -Woe. If we would expect such a thorough -Change of Measures as the Nation seem to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>wish for and require, can we hope for it from -the present Patch-work mingling of Hands?</p> - -<p class='c014'>The taking Gentlemen into the Administration, -who have distinguished themselves -by their Zeal for the Interests of their -Country, is not, I fear, designed to ease -the People, but to bring those Gentlemen -to bear a Share of the public Hatred and -Infamy, which the late M—rs have -incurr’d by the most flagitious Measures. -This must cause an irreparable Breach between -the Public and those now rever’d and -beloved Patriots; a Policy by which the -Projectors think, perhaps, they leave the -Flocks without Shepherds, and may at -Pleasure then prey upon the Folds. But -let me warn these Politicians, that it is not -always safe to leave an injur’d, oppress’d, -exasperated People without Leaders on -whose Probity they may depend. On the -other hand, let me warn our Patriots, that -as a Snare may have been laid for them, it -is their Business to take care they are not -taken in it. They have been the Hopes as -well as Darlings of their Country, and it -should be their Study at this critical Juncture -not to give Room for suspecting their Virtue. -In short, they should avoid becoming -themselves the Curse of their Country, or -countenancing those that have been so for -many Years.</p> - -<p class='c014'>The War for the Sake of <i>H——</i>, has been -carried on after a Manner so dishonourable, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>not to say infamous, and so expensive, that -the old <i>Standards</i>, for a Reason easily -pointed out, look upon a <i>Peace</i> to be absolutely -necessary. The Conduct of the -War will not suffer them to hope that equitable -Terms will be allow’d them; on -the other hand, they must be sensible, that -the People have a greater Regard to the -Honour of the Nation than to private Interest, -and will be against sheathing the -Sword, till the Blood of our foreign Enemies -has wash’d off the Stain fix’d on the -Glory of the Nation by her domestic Foes. -In this Dilemma they may think it the best, -indeed the only Expedient to cast the Burden -on the <i>Favourites</i> of the People. If -they accept of Peace on dishonourable -Terms, the late M—rs are acquitted; if -they reject it, any Misfortunes that may attend -the War will be intirely cast upon -them. In a Word, the Ministers have entangled -the Skein, and call upon the Patriots -to disentangle it, or share the Odium -of their Folly and Wickedness. They have -woven the <i>Gordian Knot</i>, and the Friends -of the People are to loose it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. We shall soon see who are the -Peoples Friends.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Can you have any Doubt concerning -them?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Were not those <i>Deserters</i> lately -thrust from the <i>Barn</i>, the Peoples Friends -too before they were <i>ingrafted</i> on the Ministry? -<span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>All are the Peoples Friends while -they are rising on the Shoulders of the People; -but when once they are up, away -goes the Scaffolding. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I -believe you are a Friend to the People, or -I would not support your last Election, or -your present Re-election; but if you would -convince us you are truly so, let us see -you heartily endeavouring to obtain something -for those willing People that have -drain’d their Vitals to comply with a C—t -and Ministry, and bore the Heat of the -Day. Restore us our <i>Triennial</i> Parliaments.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Or rather our Annual Parliaments, -which was the ancient Constitution. -But, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, let us have them -without <i>Purchase</i>. I understand the C—l -L—st is greatly incumber’d. I hope ’tis not -intended to clear it at the People’s Expence, -before the annual Produce of it be fairly -stated and known.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Can you expect to know any thing -the Court has a mind you should not, while -<i>Seven’s</i> the Main?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. No more <i>Septs</i> say I; I believe I -shall never love the Number <i>Seven</i> again, -as long as live.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. <i>Seven</i> or <i>Seventy</i> would be of -little Significancy in a Country and Age less -corrupt than ours. But considering the -present Depravity, I must confess that <i>septennial</i> -Parliaments afford Ministers more -Opportunity than I would willingly allow -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>them, to put in Practice the Arts of the -Cabinet.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. If the Depravity be so great and -general as you represent it, how shall our -Condition be better’d by a Repeal of the -<i>septennial</i> Law? The Cabinet Arts, which -you so much apprehend, may be as well -practised on the <i>triennial</i> as <i>septennial</i> Servants -of the People.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. To prevent which, let us do as -our braver, honester <i>Popish</i> Ancestors did.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Ah! Mr. <i>Overall</i>! Your worthy -Father would not have been so liberal of -his Epithets to Papists.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, my Father loved -and rever’d Virtue wherever he found it. -And he blush’d not any more than I should, -to own that our Popish Ancestors had the -true Spirit of Patriotism, and that they left -us more valuable Blessings than we are like -to leave Posterity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. How, my Politician! Sha’n’t -we and Posterity too bask in Plenty, if we -do as you say our honester popish Ancestors -did? ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Pray, Mr. <i>Overall</i>, What are we to -do in imitation of our braver Ancestors? -ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. To <i>curse</i> the Ambitious and Corrupt.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Curse, Mr. <i>Overall</i>! Is it for -Christians to curse?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Is it for <i>Englishmen</i> to be bribed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span>out of their Virtue? What are the Curses -you pronounce on <i>Ashwednesdays</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Overall</i> means, I suppose, -the Anathema solemnly denounced in -the Reign of <i>Henry</i> III. by the Archbishop -of <i>Canterbury</i>, at the Head of the Barons -and other great Men of the Nation, against -all such as should directly or indirectly oppose -the Observance of the <i>two Charters</i>, -and those who should violate, diminish, or -alter in any Manner whatever the Laws and -Constitutions of the Kingdom.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. I do, Sir <i>John</i>; and the Method -I would propose should be, that the Members -of the Legislature, not excepting the -pious Lords the B—ps, on the Expiration -of the present Parliament, would meet in -<i>Westminster</i> Abbey, and there solemnly denounce, -by the Mouth of the Archbishop, -or, if some squeamish Puritans should object -to the Surplice, by the Mouths of the -Lord C—r and Sp—r, the bitterest -Curses against all who shall offer or accept a -Bribe at a new Election, directly or indirectly.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Or who shall accept of a Place -or Pension after he is elected, in order to -support the Measures of Evil Ministers, or -screen them.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. <i>Blunt</i>, let you and I draw up a -Form of the Anathema. I would ask the -Vicar, but that he says ’tis Antichristian, to -curse the Wicked. First then, <i>Cursed</i> be -he who offers any Bribe or Gratification to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>any Freeholder or Burgher to obtain his -Vote: <i>Cursed</i> be he who is an Instrument -to corrupt any who has a Right to give his -Vote for any Candidate to represent his -County or Borough: <i>Cursed</i> be he, who having -a Right to vote, shall be biass’d in his Voting -by any private Interest, Views, or Hopes: -<i>Cursed</i> be he who makes any unjust Returns -of Members; and may such Enemies of their -Country be <i>cursed</i> in themselves, their Wives -and Posterity, and in their Goods and Chattels; -may they themselves become the Butt -of public Scorn, Hatred and Contempt, -whilst living, and their Widows and Daughters -become common Prostitutes for Bread; -and may their Sons experience that <i>Slavery</i>, -which they would have brought upon their -Country; may their Herds and Flocks die -with the Murrain and Rot; may their -Lands become barren, and may their Memory -for ever stink in the Nostrils of all -honest Men and true <i>Britons</i>. Let all -here say, <i>Amen</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. See what it is to be a Foxhunter; -no other’s Lungs would have held out in -so long a Chase of useful Curses; ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Why indeed, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -if Curses would cure the great Evil of <i>Corruption</i>, -they might be truly called <i>useful</i>. -But I am afraid the World is become too -cursed to be frighten’d by Curses from the -Commission of Evil. Therefore I would -have them restrain’d by some more coercive -<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>Means. And as the Repeal of the <i>Septennial</i> -Act, and effectual <i>Place</i> and <i>Pensions</i> -Bills, seem to bid fairest of any Means I -can think of, for removing the Gangreen -which preys upon the Vitals of our Constitution; -I should be glad to see the P—— -this very Session take them seriously into -Consideration. I hope they will, for the -good of Posterity and their own Honour. -And let me add, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, that I -hope it for yours, and your new <i>Ingrafted</i> -Brethren’s Sake, who must rise or sink with -the Publick, as these Points are dropt or -vigorously pushed and obtain’d. What is -it to the People who is <i>in</i> or <i>out</i> of Place, -if they receive no Benefit by the Change? -On the Contrary, a pretended Coalition -leaves them in a worse Condition than they -were before, as it deprives them of their -present Leaders, and a colourable Pretence -for Complaint. For won’t Courtiers be apt -to call that a wanton Complaint, which has -not the Sanction of the old Chiefs of the -People?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, as all who hear you, improve -by your Conversation; all who converse -with you, ought to pay a Deference -to your Opinions, which are generally well -founded. But tho’ I should admit that the -Points you contend for, would be of public -Utility; yet I believe you will admit likewise, -that there may be Seasons wherein it -would not be proper to press these Matters -<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>with too great Warmth. It would be ill-timing -the Embellishment or Repair of -a House, when the Chimney was on Fire. -The World at Home and Abroad is unsettled -and perplexed. We have Quarrels and -Parties——</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. We have so, and Taxes, Poverty, -and Corruption. And we have likewise -open, and who are more dangerous, -secret Enemies; at least, we have lukewarm -Friends.——This is no more than what -I dreaded, when I first heard how few of -the reputed Friends of the People were invited -to C—t. When I saw all the great -Offices of Trust continued in the old <i>Standards</i>, -I dreaded the Consequence of taking -a few of the Leaders of the People into -the subordinate Posts.——Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -I am sorry to tell you, that I dreaded you -would have learnt the Court <i>Catechise</i>, when -I heard you accepted of a Place before obtaining -such Points as the People contend -for, and are of absolute Necessity. Why -should it be unseasonable to restore us to -<i>triennial</i> Parliaments, and to secure Liberty -by effectual Place and Pension Bills? -What Ferment or Combustion is here at -Home, that should prevent or deter the -Friends of our Constitution from seeking its -immediate Repair, where it has been weakened -by either Time or Art? What have -the Broils of <i>Germany</i> to do with the <i>British</i> -Constitution?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>The World, you say, is unsettled and -perplexed abroad, and we have Quarrels -and Parties at Home. Granted; and who -are accountable for the Perplexities on the -Continent and the Parties here at Home? -Not the People, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, whose -Contentment you would postpone to a more -seasonable Opportunity. I should be glad -to know the ministerial <i>Seasons</i> for doing -public Justice. We have had a long Interval -of Peace since the passing the <i>Septennial</i> -Law, yet our Ministers never -thought it <i>seasonable</i> to suffer it to be -repealed. The Ministers, Sir, I mean the -<i>B——h</i> Ministers, and not the <i>B——h</i> -Nation, have been principally and primarily -Authors of the Broils on the Continent; -and our Fewds at Home are no less -owing to them.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. How, Sir <i>John</i>, will you place -the Ambition of <i>France</i>, the Perfidy of -<i>P——a</i>, and the Inaction of <i>Holland</i>, to -the Account of our Ministers?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I will, and with the strictest -Justice.——<i>France</i> had not dared to attempt -gratifying her Ambition, nor <i>P——</i> -to support <i>France</i>, or <i>Holland</i> to look on, -if a Foreign Interest did not biass <i>B——h</i> -Ministers from the true Interest of their -Country. To sum up all in one Word, -<i>H——</i> is accountable for all the Perplexities -on the Continent, and all our Fewds at -<span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span>Home.——But what Fewds or Quarrels can -be apprehended after so hopeful a <i>Coalition</i> -as the present? When shall <i>Britons</i> expect -Relief, unless when the <i>best Men of -all Parties</i>, according to one of our Patriot -Writers, have the Power and Direction -of public Affairs?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. We are only accountable for our -own Conduct; and as we are but a few—</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I dread you may be biassed -by the Majority. Why should you agree -to come into the Support of a tottering -M——y before you had secured such a Share -of Power as would enable you to change -Measures obnoxious and injurious to the -People? Why would you come in without -securing a Moiety at least, of the great -Offices of Trust, such as first C—— of -the T——y, S——y of S——, and P——t -of the C——t, <i>&c. &c</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Faith now, Sir <i>John</i>, that would -be keeping Gentlemen to d—d hard Meat. -What, not allow Men to stoop at small -Game, that have been beating about for -many Years in vain? Pshaw! Gad! ’tis -quite ungenteel and unconscionable.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. My Quarrel is not to the -Gentlemen’s Humility, but to their Want -of Prudence. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I hope, will -pardon the Expression.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span><i>Broad</i>. With all my Heart. Sir <i>John -Probeum</i> can say nothing, because I am sure -he means not, to offend me.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Sir, you do me but Justice; I -intend an Affront to no Man, much less to -you, whom I have always esteemed.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. And of whom you shall have -no Cause to alter your good Opinion.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I hope not, tho’ I cannot so -readily digest your <i>Seasons</i> for redressing the -People’s Grievances.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. <i>Times</i> and <i>Seasons</i> were Cant -Words with the late <i>Deserters</i>, as soon as -the People expected they would act according -to their Professions.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Ha, ha! Courtiers act up to their -Professions! Ha, ha! What a Solecism wou’d -that be? Why Man, you forget that <i>Double</i> -and <i>John</i>, and <i>Long Bib</i>, and <i>Dismal</i>, and -the Rest of that precious deserting Gang -were become <i>Courtiers</i>, when they found -out that it was unseasonable to weaken the -Ministerial Power, and strengthen that of -the People.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Experience, they say, is the -Mother of Wisdom; but I am sorry we <i>Englishmen</i> -are seldom instructed by that sagacious -Lady. I have lived to see the -People deluded and injured by those whom -they themselves had screw’d up into Power; -and I have seen them receiving those very -<span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span><i>Deluders</i> a second and third Time into -their Favour.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. A Proof of their Lenity and Good-nature, -Sir <i>John</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Of their Stupidity rather. I -am bound to forgive an Enemy, but know -of no Injunction human or divine, that enjoins -me to trust that Enemy a second -Time, and put the Snake in my Bosom.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, you shall never have -Cause for making the Application here. If -I can’t serve with Honour, I am a free -Agent, and shall make use of the Freedom -I was born to. I will fling up my P—— -the Moment I find I can’t keep it consistent -with my Duty to my Country.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. There spoke the Genius of old -<i>England</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Like that <i>noble</i> Patriot, who flung -up not long since, that he might not share -in the Guilt and Odium of the Company -he kept.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. And that noble Patriot is heartily -with us in the present Change. I hope -you will think that his Presence should be -enough to keep us all in Countenance.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. There is not a Man alive has -a better Opinion of that great Man than -myself; but shou’d he tell me of <i>Times</i> and -<i>Seasons</i> for redressing Grievances, I should -alter my Opinion of him, and think him -<span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span>infected by the Air of the C—t. But -that Patriot <i>Englishman</i> is uncapable of so -great Baseness and Folly. He knows that -War Time is the properest for enquiring into -the Misconduct of the War; and I hope -for that Reason, he and all his Friends will -encourage an Inquiry into the Miscarriage at -<i>Carthagena</i>, and into the more dishonourable -Misconduct last Year at the <i>Hieres</i>. I -hope likewise he and you will promote a -strict Inspection into the Management of -our Land War.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. You mean the <i>H—n</i> War. I -am sure we are no otherwise concerned in -it, than to have the Honour of defraying its -Expence.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Be our Concern what it will, -it ought to have been managed with some -Decency, if not with Vigour and Prudence. -But ever since the Commencement, it has -been carried on ingloriously for the Nation, -and scandalously for those who had the Conduct -of it. And should such wrong-headed -or corrupt Agents go unpunish’d or unexamin’d -at least, it will be setting such an -Example of national <i>Lenity</i>, as may prove -fatal in the Day of Necessity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. National <i>Lenity</i>! Ah, Sir <i>John</i>, -you were wont to call Things by their right -Names—— What shall we call the <i>Lenity</i> -shewn to the late Arch-delinquent?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span><i>Over</i>. The Duce! what would the Man -have; was not there a S—t C—ee -appointed?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Yes; and the very little which -that C—ee was pleas’d to publish concerning -that Arch-spoiler of his Country, -proves that they ought to have proceeded -further.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Dear <i>Broadbottom</i>, let us have no -C—ees at all, unless you have the <i>Will</i> -and <i>Power</i> to sift Things to the Bottom: -For it is but tantalizing a Nation to pretend -doing them Justice, and never intend any.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. ’tis encouraging public Venality -and Corruption. But C—ees are pretty -<i>Tubs</i>, too often thrown out to amuse the -People.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. What Pity ’tis to abuse the -Credulity of the best natur’d People in the -World!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, you may praise their -good Nature as much as you please; but, -Gad! I say they are the veriest Oafs in -Christendom. Z—ds! that a People should -be so d—n’d stupid as to delegate their -Power again and again; nay, a Power too -over their Lives and Fortunes, to Men who -had done them repeated Injuries, and of -whom they had made repeated Complaints. -They complain’d of the <i>Septennial</i> as a -grievous Imposition; yet the very next Opportunity -<span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>chose those very Men that had so -grossly imposed upon them.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Was it not the same in regard to -the <i>Excise-Scheme</i> and the <i>Convention</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. The <i>H—r</i> Troops, and the <i>&c. &c</i>. -to the End of a Chapter as long as the -Book of Homilies.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Gentlemen, don’t you forget -to season your Account of the People’s -<i>Folly</i> with a certain native Spice called -<i>Knavery</i>, or in other Words, <i>Self-interest</i>, -which, according to Sir <i>John</i>, is the primary -fundamental Ingredient in the Composition -of most Men? Did not these injur’d -complaining People bring their Suffrages -to Market overt, where the best Bidder -was sure to have them?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. The Fact, I am afraid, is but -too true: And at the same Time that it -proves the Corruption of the People, it -proves likewise the Necessity of an immediate -Remedy. Had those scandalous Marts -for the Sale of <i>B—sh</i> Liberty been more -common; had they been <i>annual</i>, or even -<i>triennial</i>, the M—rs would not find their -Account in the frequent Expence; nay, -they could not support it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Yet necessary as the immediate -Application of this Specific is, you shall see it -postponed to more pacific <i>Times</i>, and gentler -<i>Seasons</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span><i>Smooth</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, tho’ you speak thus -in Derision, yet if you reflect with Seriousness, -the Delay of a Remedy so extraordinary -as the Repeal of the <i>Septennial</i> is, till -after the War, will not seem so unmeet to -you as it appears at present.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Dost think the <i>Repeal</i> would abate -the Courage of our Soldiers and Seamen, -and raise that of the Enemy? Dost -think it would pall the Appetites of those -greedy <i>Germans</i>, that now and long have -done us the Honour to receive <i>Subsidies</i> -from us? Wou’d the Queen of <i>Hungary</i> -and King of <i>Sardinia</i> receive <i>English</i> -Money the less freely; or defend their own -Territories the less carefully, if <i>general Content</i> -should be spread throughout this Island, -powerful as much or more by the Union of -its Inhabitants, as by their Bravery and -Wealth? Would our good Allies the <i>Dutch</i> -be deafer to our Intreaties, or slower in their -Motions than they have been of late, should -they see the very <i>Fountain</i> of our Corruption -and Venality dry’d up by a Legislative -Spunge?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Would our A—ls and G—ls -have less Sense, Experience, Courage and -Honesty, if they were to go to <i>Market</i> -with their <i>Bank-bills</i>, but every <i>Third -Year</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. You forget that your favourite -<span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>A—l was lately courted at many <i>Markets</i> -without the Aid of Bank-bills.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. No, Sir; I don’t forget that his -Merit had endeared him to the People, and -render’d him hateful to—— Mi-Mi—Mi—Ministers.—’Sflesh! -I thought I could never -keep down another <i>Word</i> which would -force itself in the room of Ministers.—— But -enough of that. No, Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, I -forget not that that gallant, honest Man has -not been thought of in the present Change, -tho’ his Valour, Experience, Probity, and -good Sense, can’t be called in question.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Truly I wonder’d when I saw -not his Name among the List of C—rs of -a certain Board.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. There are certain <i>Prejudices</i>, -which, in Prudence, we were obliged to -overlook when we could not surmount -them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I don’t at all question but -there was a <i>Prejudice</i> to you <i>all</i>; but -when you were able to conquer that which -was always supposed to be conceived against -you personally, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I should -not wonder you could surmount all Prejudice -whatever.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Pr’ythee, <i>Bottom</i>, how came it -practicable to ram one of your <i>uncommon -Size</i>, down the narrow squeamish Throat -of ——? again, another <i>Word</i> would intrude -on the Word Ministers.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span><i>Blunt</i>. I’ll tell thee; to take away from -us all our Props; to strip us of our Leaders; -in short, to leave no Speaker or Man -of known Merit behind—</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I fear that was Part of the -Plan; and if so, we are undone, unless we -are saved by the Virtue and Steadiness of -those whom the People have confided in all -along, and rais’d at last.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. You need not fear them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I would not willingly suspect -Men, who owe more to their Constituents, -than those they have all along opposed. On -a Supposition that these had purchas’d, no -matter how infamously, they assum’d a -Sort of Right to reimburse themselves at -the Expence of the Venders. But you <i>Patriots</i> -have no such colourable Claim for -disserving those who spontaneously chose -you their Attornies with no private Views -in the World, or any Views but such as tend -to the Good of the Community in general.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Gad, my dear <i>Broady</i>, you ought -to be doubly cursed, nay doubly d—n’d, -should you not earnestly and truly serve -those that had gratuitously vested you with -ample Power over their Persons, Lands, -Goods, Chattels, Wives and Bairns.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. And Hounds and Hunters; ha, -ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span><i>Blunt</i>. And Tythes and Dues, my laughing -Vicar—Is the <i>Liberty</i> of a free People a -fit Subject for Laughter? Is not our All at -Stake at this critical Juncture? Should -those who have been always our reputed -Friends, <i>join</i> with those who were always -deem’d our Enemies, what shall become of -us? What shall we do?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. I’ll tell you; <i>unite</i>, and join against -both.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I should not wonder if a general -<i>Union</i> against all secret and open Enemies -would be the Consequence of any -signal Misconduct or Defection in those lately -<i>ingrafted</i>. For after such repeated Experience -as the People have had of the -Power of C—— <i>Infection</i>, it may be expected -they would go greater Lengths than -might be agreeable to the Authors of their -Despair. ’tis dangerous to push a sensible -People too far.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Pshaw! brag not too much of -your Sensibility, I beseech you, after such -Provocations as you have had since the <i>Septennial</i> -Y——e has been upon your Necks. -Gad! they are as tame as my <i>Chesnut</i> after -a Morning’s Chase.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. They are observant of the Laws, -and I hope they will always continue so.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. ’Sbud! you wou’dn’t have us -keep Measures with <i>Renegadoes</i> and <i>Promise-breakers</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span>Sir <i>John</i>. No; but I am for no Measure -that exceeds legal Bounds.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Z—ds Man! you don’t think I -would advise the knocking such <i>Recreants</i> -in the Head without Judge or Jury, tho’ -they would merit the worst of Deaths. No; -I would not touch a Hair of their Heads; -but d—n me if ever that Man should -have my Friendship or Vote again, who -should once break public <i>Faith</i> with me.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Right, my worthy ’Squire—— Oh! -how solemnly have we been promis’d a Redress -of all our Grievances as soon as our -<i>Idols</i> should come into the Administration!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. <i>Idols</i>! Mr. Mayor.——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Ay, Doctor; such, and worse, if -possible, are all those useless insignificant -Men, that fawn, flatter and promise, to arrive -at the Summit of their Ambition, and -forget all they had promised as soon as their -Turn is served.—Idols! Mr. <i>Roseband</i>; yes, -Sir, I would call our Patriots so to their -Faces, and even Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i> himself, -whom I always lov’d and serv’d, should the -Redress of our Grievances be postpon’d. -Tame and gull’d as we awkward Country -Putts have been; stupid as we are thought -to be, we can feel, and even see when we -are play’d off. Let the Legerdemain be -never so dextrous, believe me, we can see -through it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span><i>Over</i>. We don’t forget how Sir <i>Bob</i> used -to fly thro’ the Hoops, when he was press’d -hard. He wou’d shift the Pack off his -own, to cast it on <i>nobler</i> Shoulders.——The -Cheat is stale, it won’t pass now.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. It won’t indeed. We know very -well what it means to have a Thing go -thro’ glibly below, when it is settled before -hand, that it shall be stifled in its Flight. -Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, you know my Meaning; -and you know too what you have often -promised, if ever you should come into -Play, that you would promote the use of -<i>Tacking</i>, when nothing else would do.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. I am sorry that the Head of a -considerable Corporation, should give so -great Room for suspecting his Loyalty, as -to wish for the postponing the <i>Supplies</i> in -time of War.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I am more sorry to see a Principal -of any Corporation, a Sycophant, and -Time-server. Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, you may or -may not excuse my plain Dealing, as you -please. Pray Sir, why might not the <i>Redress</i> -go Hand in Hand with the <i>Supply</i>? Is -a Million the less a Million for being wrapt -up in the same Paper or Parchment with a -<i>Triennial</i>, or effectual Place and <i>Pension</i> -Bills? Might not Votes of <i>Credit</i> and Votes -of <i>Inquiry</i> be very naturally blended together? -Would it swell the public Debts, if -<span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span>a secret and special C——ee were appointed -to inspect the <i>Debts</i> of the Nation?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And the <i>State</i> of the Nation -too, Mr. Mayor. I have always lamented -the Want of such a C——ee. It could -not fail, if well chosen, to answer every -good End proposed by a National Enquiry.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Brave, upright old Man! have you -not seen <i>Pharsalia</i>? What have we got by -the late E——y into dextrous <i>Bob</i>’s Conduct?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. A <i>Proof</i> that he ought to be shorten’d -by the——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. And pray, how would you have -those <i>worthy Men</i> serv’d, who condescended -to let us have a Sight of that precious -<i>Half-proof</i>, and not an Inch farther?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. As they deserved——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Mum for that——Gad! <i>Blunt</i>, I -thought you too sincere for Caution and Circumspection.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. As much as to say, you thought his -Worship no wiser than he shou’d be. Ha, -ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. As much as I should think a Time-server -to be an honest Man.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Heed him not, Mr. <i>Overall</i>, he -would set you and I together by the Ears, -but he shan’t have his Ends. (<i>Looking on his -Watch</i>.) Bless us! how insensibly Time -passes in good Company.—Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>at what Hour shall we meet in the -Town-Hall? the sooner the better, for fear -of Accidents.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Of Opposition, you mean——I -have heard of no new Candidate.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I hope there will be no Candidate -but yourself; and tho’ I believe you’ll -meet with no Opposition, expect not to be -re-elected without Bustle and Murmur. -The Freemen are not quite pleased with your -late Conduct. They think you, and some -others, have been too hasty and partial in -your Distribution of Places——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. They quite mistake the Thing, -the <i>Distribution</i> was not of our making.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I am sorry to hear of so shameful -an Error. Were you sensible of the -<i>Necessity</i> some Men were driven to; and of -your own <i>Usefulness</i>, and yet have no Share -in the Settlement of the main Article of -the Coalition? I wish you may not live to -repent you of your Indolence or Timidity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Timidity! Sir <i>John</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Yes, in Truth. I am not -afraid to tell you, that you betrayed either -too much <i>Timidity</i>, or too strong an Appetite -for Employments, when you could -make no better a Bargain for your Party, or -obtain no absolute positive Assurances that -the <i>Redress</i> should go Hand in Hand with -the <i>Supply</i>. Are we to bleed for ever? -Are we never to taste of Cordials?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span><i>Over</i>. Our Doctors think that <i>Bitters</i> -sit best on our English Stomachs.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. <i>Bitters</i> are of a hot Nature; -the <i>Prescribers</i> should take Care, that a -too constant use of them may not <i>inflame</i> -the Blood too much.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. They have provided beforehand a -Remedy against such an Evil.——A good -many Thousands in <i>Red</i>, will cure an Inflammation -presently.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. They may, by Amputation, if -in some of the <i>Limbs</i> only; but should -ever Poverty, Oppression, or Despair, force -the Inflammation into the <i>Body</i> and Bowels, -I doubt the Surgeons in <i>Red</i> would not find -the Cure so very easy. But I hope our -Friends, few as they are, will find some -Means of perswading their fellow Practicers -to drop their <i>Bitters</i>, and put their Patients -on a Course of <i>Alteratives</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, we all wish for Cordials -and Restoratives; we own they are wanting; -but I am afraid a Time of War and -Confusion is not the proper Season for administering -them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I am much more afraid, Mr. -<i>Smoothwell</i>, that you have learnt a Language -newly imported from <i>Court</i>. <i>Confusion</i>, if -you mean here at Home, there is none; -and as for the <i>War</i>, I don’t think it wou’d -or cou’d go on more ingloriously and scandalously -than it has since the Commencement -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>of it, should our State Physicians alter -their Practice.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Scandalously as it has been conducted, -it has cost us more than the most -successful and best managed War.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Our last <i>Foraging</i> Campaign stood -us dearer than that of <i>Blenheim</i>; and shou’d -we have one or two more such parading -Summers, to pot goes the <i>Sinking Fund</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I shudder at the Thoughts of -<i>re-mortgaging</i> that only Hope we had of -seeing one Day our Trade and Industry exonerated -from the Clogs that oppress them. -The <i>Fund</i>, which should be sacred, has been -too often made free with; but the Incroachments -upon the Purpose of it being temporary -only, it had no very bad Effect; whereas -the Case would be otherwise, should they -be perpetual.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And because it will have that -ruinous Consequence, you’ll see violent unhallow’d -Hands laid on that darling Hopes -of our People.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why the D——l don’t our Sages -give Lotteries of six Millions, instead of six -hundred Thousand? There are Fools enough -in <i>England</i> to fill them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Another destructive Way of -raising the Supplies. There is no Method -more injurious to Trade than Lotteries in general; -but when managed as our late ones -<span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span>have been, they become essentially a public -Nusance.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. You mean the <i>sharing</i> out Tickets -and Chances?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I do. Never was any Invention -more destructive of Industry. The poor -<i>Industrious</i>, whom it is the Policy of all Nations -to cherish and encourage, are by this -<i>sharing Traffick</i>, exposed to inevitable -Destruction. Who but the Poor will buy -an Eighth or <i>Sixteenth</i> of the Chance of a -Ticket? The Rich will deal in whole Tickets; -but ’tis the poor Industrious only that -ruin themselves to be in Luck’s Way, as they -term it. ’tis this poor but useful Class of -the People only, that game at 30 <i>per Cent</i>. -more Disadvantage than the richer Drones. -No Temptation should be thrown in the -Way of the Industrious; but on the Contrary, -all hurtful Incentives should be removed. -If you will tempt them to the -Hazard Table, let them play upon the -Square. Bring the Price of Tickets down to -their Level; and let not the Jews, Sharpers, -and Drones of the Nation be permitted to -make a Property of them. But why might -not the Sums raised the two last Years by -way of Lottery, be as well brought into the -<i>Exchequer</i> by any other Means?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. But no Means would so effectually -draw off the Attention of the Public from -our Misery and impending Danger. And -<span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>whatever some idle Folks may think, they -tell me ’tis one of the principal <i>Arcana’s</i> -of the Cabinet, to contrive artfully, that -is imperceptibly, to draw off the public -<i>Attention</i> from the Conduct of <i>Superiors</i>. -You can’t conceive how close and out of -Sight these State Spiders spin their Webs.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. But I can very well conceive -that the People have Arms long and strong -enough to reach and sweep those Webs -clear away whenever they will.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Ah! Sir <i>John</i>, where have the -People you brag so much of, hid their Brooms -and Brushes for many Years past?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Behind the Clouds of <i>Corruption</i> -and <i>Hypocrisy</i>, where they are like to remain -much longer, or I am mistaken.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, it gives me a Concern -to see you continue your Diffidence of your -best Friends. You shall find, that neither -<i>Corruption</i> nor <i>Hypocrisy</i> will stand in the -Nation’s Way to Happiness, if those whom -you deem <i>England</i>’s Friends can help it.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. As Jealousy is said to spring -from Love, <i>Diffidence</i> may be said to be -founded in Friendship. Mr. <i>Blunt</i> hopes he -has no Reason to suspect your <i>Intention</i>, -but dreads you have put it out of your -Power to serve the Public. You may have -perceived, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, during the -whole Conversation, that your Friends apprehend -this <i>Coalition</i> as you call it, or <i>Ingraftment</i> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span>as we express it, will answer no -Purpose of the People, who groan under the -pressure of heavy Taxes, a vast Debt, Decay of -Trade, the Yoke of Penal Laws, and those -worst Y——s of all, the <i>Septennial</i> and the -Corruption of their ——s. In short, they -dread your being over-reach’d by your -more experienc’d Partners, or rather your -being jostled out of the Course, by the -abler Jockeys of the C——t. If you wou’d -serve your Constituents in your present Situation, -you must act with Caution.——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. With <i>Honesty</i>, you should say -rather. What Caution is necessary in answering -the Hopes of the People? They -desire but what is absolutely for their Safety. -They expect no more than has been often -solemnly promised them. And sure a Man -that intends to be as good as his Word need -not pick out every Step of his Way.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. The Ground about C——t, they -say, is d——d slippery.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And for that Reason I would not -have had our Friends get upon it before they -had secured their Footing there. See what -is become of the late infamous <i>Deserters</i> -for want of such Precaution.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Let us draw no invidious Inferences -from the Examples of a Crew -that are now as despicable as they are -odious to the whole Nation. A Crew that -can’t claim even the Merit of being intentionally -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>upright. They did not so much -as attempt keeping Faith with the People.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. But they kept it religiously with -the <i>Barn</i> Keeper.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I can’t say who was to be <i>indulged</i> -by the War, but sure I am the Weight -of it is grievously felt all over the Body politic.——Mr. -<i>Broadbottom</i>, you have been -lately at Court, pray what do they think -there of the War? Are we like to get out -of it with Honour? in short, are we like -to get out of it at all?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Out of it at all!——The D——l, -you would not have us serve an Apprenticeship -to the War, as we do to our -P——ts?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. If it be no better manag’d than -it has been hitherto, I don’t see why this -War might not last much longer than seven -Years.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. I’ll tell you why it can’t, because -we shan’t be able to maintain it so long. By -mortgaging the <i>Sinking Fund</i> we may hold -out three or four Years pretty tolerably; -but after that, souse we go to <i>Mint</i> or -<i>State-bills</i> at 50 <i>per Cent</i>. Discount, as in -France in old <i>Lewis</i> XIV. his Days.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Gentlemen, however, will consider, -that we can’t get out of the War as -easily as out of an Assembly Room in the -Times of our Horse Races.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>Sir <i>John</i>. I am sure it would be towering -Madness to continue it on the same -Footing it has been carried on hitherto. -The <i>Dutch</i> should come in for a full equal -Proportion of the Expence, or I would not -have a Red-coat left in <i>Flanders</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Let the Cheesemongers look to -their Barrier and be d——n’d, if they don’t -come down Guinea for Guinea, and Shilling -for Shilling with us towards preserving it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. <i>Blunt</i>, if you would curse the -<i>Dutch</i> effectually, you must wish them -undamm’d.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Damn’d or undamm’d let ’em be, -before Old <i>England</i> wades out of her -Depths to hold them up by the Chin.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Let us hope for the best. They -may hear Reason, they may see their Interest -when painted by so masterly a Hand as -is now intrusted with the Pencil.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. If Wit, Eloquence, Politeness, -Frankness and Integrity, could move a -<i>Dutchman</i>, I should not doubt of that great -Man’s Success; but as nothing but <i>Self-interest</i> -can engage either his Heart or Attention, -I fear his L——p won’t be able to persuade -that <i>selfish</i> People to think it for their Interest -to declare War against <i>France</i> and <i>Spain</i> -at the critical Time that we are at Variance -with those Crowns. We are to consider -this Juncture as the Harvest Season of the -<i>Dutch</i>. All the Markets we are shut out -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>from by the War, are open to them by a -Neutrality. But what I believe weighs -not a little with them, is, that they dread -embarking with us ever since they perceived -that the Views of our Statesmen have -tended more towards <i>H——r</i> than <i>England</i>. -’Tis that observable Bias to a <i>Foreign -Interest</i> that will deter the <i>States-General</i>, -if my Lord <i>C——</i> does not succeed -in his Embassy.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Perhaps they may conceive better -Hopes from the new Administration.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Perhaps they might, had the -Administration been <i>new</i>. But as it is no -more than an old Garment patch’d with -new Cloth, I fear the <i>Dutch</i> will hardly -alter their Plan on any Assurances such a -motley M——y can give them. They -may think, and perhaps too truly, that the -same Measures will be follow’d, the same -<i>Interest</i> be pursued, since the Majority, and -the chief in Office of the A——n, are of -the old Stamp. And they as truly may -think, that neither Harmony nor Success -can attend Counsels jarring between two -different separate <i>Interests</i>. While the Interest -of <i>H——r</i> clashes with that of <i>England</i>, -we must neither expect Harmony with -the <i>Dutch</i>, nor Success in our Wars.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Nor in any thing else, I think. -Would to God we could join that precious -<span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span><i>Manor</i> to the <i>Orcades</i>, or send it adrift to -<i>Lapland</i> or the <i>North Cape</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Since we can do neither, would to -God our Statesmen would shew themselves -to be <i>Englishmen</i>!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Since we are got in the praying -Strain, let us all pray that our <i>new</i> M——y, -or at least those lately <i>ingrafted</i> upon the -<i>old</i>, may not become as arrant <i>H——ns</i> as -their grafted Predecessors, the late <i>Deserters</i>. -Let us all say, <i>Amen</i>.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c015'> - <div><span class='large'><i>FINIS</i>.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='figcenter id002'> -<img src='images/i056.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c015' /> -</div> -<p class='c014'> </p> -<div class='tnbox'> - - <ul class='ul_1 c015'> - <li>Transcriber’s Notes: - <ul class='ul_2'> - <li>Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Typographical errors were silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant - form was found in this book. - </li> - </ul> - </li> - </ul> - -</div> -<p class='c014'> </p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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