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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f45d67c --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #65472 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/65472) diff --git a/old/65472-0.txt b/old/65472-0.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 7ea3f29..0000000 --- a/old/65472-0.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1811 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Christmas Chat, by Anonymous - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Christmas Chat - or, Observations on the late change at court, on the different - characters of the ins and outs; and on the present state of publick - affairs. - -Author: Anonymous - -Release Date: May 30, 2021 [eBook #65472] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The Internet - Archive/Canadian Libraries) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT *** - - - - _CHRISTMAS CHAT:_ - - OR, - - OBSERVATIONS - - On the Late - - CHANGE at COURT, - - On the different - - Characters of the INS and OUTS; - - And on the - - Present STATE of PUBLICK AFFAIRS. - - A - - _DIALOGUE_ - - Spoke at the Country Seat of one of the - _New Ministry_, in the late Holy Days, - the Day before his Re-election; - - _BETWEEN_ - - Mr. BROADBOTTOM, - Mr. OVERALL, - Mr. ROSEBAND, - Sir JOHN PROBEUM, - Mr. SMOOTHWELL, & - Mr. BLUNT. - - --------------------------------------------------------- - - __LONDON__: - - Printed for M. COOPER, at the Globe in _Paternoster Row_; 1745. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - -[Illustration] - - - _CHRISTMAS CHAT:_ - - OR, - - OBSERVATIONS - - On the Late - - CHANGE at COURT, - - A - - _DIALOGUE_ - - - ------------------------------------------- - - -_Broadbottom_, Sir _John Probeum_, _Overall_, _Roseband_, _Blunt_, and - _Smoothwell_, sitting round a Table at _Broadbottom’s_ House. - -_Overall_. - -TRUCE with Politics, I beseech you, Gentlemen.——I gad! ’tis -unconscionable to lecture a Man thus at his own House. - -_Broadbottom_. By no means, Mr. _Overall_; I look upon the Freedom with -which my worthy Neighbours here treat me, as an Instance of their -Friendship and Regard. - -_Roseband_. There spoke the Christian and Man of sound Understanding—— - -_Over_. Pshaw! P—x! What have we Fox-hunters to do with sound -Understandings?——Give me a sound Bottom, Parson, and you are welcome to -keep your Christianity and sound Understanding for your next _Christmas_ -Conversation. Ha, ha! - -_Blunt_. Right, Mr. _Overall_; I say a sound Bottom too. - -_Over_. Come, Gentlemen, let the Toast go round.——To all sound -Bottoms—No Affront, I hope, to any one here.——What say’st thou, honest -_Blunt_? - -_Blunt_. I say, the Vicar need not make those d——d wry Faces at Toasting -the best Thing in Nature.——You have been paying Homage for twenty Years -to a _Broadbottom_, and now winch at the naming a _Sound_ one.——Ah! Mr. -_Roseband_; the _Jesuit_ sticks to the Cloth in _England_ as at _Rome_. - -_Smoothwell_. Why so, Mr. _Blunt_? The Words _Sound Bottom_ convey an -Idea which Mr. _Roseband_ might wish not to conceive. - -_Blunt_. And pray, good Mr. _Smoothwell_, what is there of indecent or -unseemly in the Idea conceived at the mention of those two harmless -Words, _Sound_ and _Bottom_? - -_Over_. Wou’d a reverend Divine wish to be put in Mind of the Days of -his Youth? Ha, ha!—— Mr. _Blunt_, had you been bred at _Oxford_, as the -Doctor was, you wou’d have known that all are not _Sound_ that grace -_Magdalen_ Walks on a Summer’s Evening. Ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Roseband_, you must not mind the Fox-hunter; you know -his Way; he treats his Friends as freely as he wishes they would treat -him. - -_Rose_. I believe so, Sir _John_, and therefore am in full Charity with -Mr. _Overall_. But I can’t so readily digest my Neighbour _Blunt_’s -coupling the _English_ Vicar with the _Romish_ Jesuit. - -_Blunt_. In their Politics only; as for Religion, I leave that to the -great Searcher of Hearts. - -_Over_. Ah, dear _Blunt_! how many modern Hearts will bear a Search? - -_Blunt_. Ask Mr. _Broadbottom_; he was last at Court. - -_Broad_. I was so, Mr. _Blunt_, but you know I am but a late Comer -there. - -_Blunt_. Perhaps it had been as well for yourself and your Country, if -you had not come there at all.—— You’ll excuse my Bluntness, Mr. -_Broadbottom_, you know I speak freely to those I wish well. - -_Broad_. I know your Worth, and thank you for your Freedom. - -_Blunt_. I hope you do, because I mean to continue and deserve your -Friendship, if you continue your Country’s Friend at Court.——To be plain -with you, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I am not altogether reconciled to the -critical _Time_ and _Manner_ of your going to Court. ’tis an infectious -Air, against which _Abstinence_ alone is the Specific. - -_Over_. ’Sflesh! _Blunt_, you don’t expect your late worthy Member, who -so often cram’d your Brother Aldermen and yourself with Ham and Chicken, -would keep Lent at Court? - -_Blunt_. Let him but abstain from entering into any Covenants, and he -may swill as much as he will of his Majesty’s Old-Hock. - -_Broad_. Covenants! What Covenants do you suppose, should be expected -from me? - -_Blunt_. The direct contrary of those you entered into with our -Corporation at your last Election.——Perhaps, you forget them.——Shall I -refresh your Memory? - -_Broad_. You need not. I am come down to make you fresh Assurances of -serving my Country to the utmost of my Power. - -_Blunt_. I know you are come down to be re-elected; and that this -Company have been invited here to-day, to receive your Excuses for your -late Acceptance of an Employment.— - -_Smooth_. Mr. _Blunt_, your Corporation could not expect that their -Representative would never accept of a Place under the Crown; therefore -what Excuses has the Gentleman to make? - -_Blunt_. More, I fear, than you can make for him with all your Quirks of -Law. If he accepted of a Post without any Salvo, and forgets that he has -a Post whenever he is to vote in Parliament, I will then say that he -needs not make Excuses for going to Court. - -Sir _John_. Ay, Mr. _Blunt_, provided my worthy Neighbour, -_Broadbottom_, turns not a mere _Courtier_, by going to Court, he shall -have all our Consents to stay at Court and rise there. - -_Blunt_. A Man may rise in the Army and Navy, and meritoriously; but -what dirty Work must a Man trudge thro’ to rise at Court? - -_Over_. Why should a Man be obliged to do more servile Work at Court -than in the Church, where we see the Learned and Pious rise, and are -translated every Day?——I expect my good Friend here, Mr. _Roseband_, to -rise to a Deanery soon, now his Patron has taken a Stride to Court. - -Sir _John_. And shou’d Mr. _Broadbottom_ rise at Court, as I doubt not -he will if he continues there longer than the present Session of -Parliament; why might not my reverend Neighbour here, rise from the -Deanery to a Mitre? - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, you have been always my Friend; so have you Mr. -_Blunt_. Gentlemen, you are all of you my Friends, and as such—have a -Right to examine my late Conduct. I have accepted of a Place, ’tis true, -without consulting you; but hope in so doing, not to have forfeited the -good Opinion which I flatter myself you always entertain’d of me. - -Sir _John_. Since we are, and you think us your Friends, ’tis fit we -should deal with you like Friends. To be plain with you, Mr. -_Broadbottom_, we here in the Country, who wish well to our King and the -Nation, think ourselves justify’d in conceiving a Jealousy of the -Nature, Time and Manner of the late or rather the present Change in the -Ministry. I will explain myself.—— ’tis not so properly a _Change_ of, -as an _Ingraftment_ upon the Ministry. Supposing the few of your Party -that are brought _in_, were to continue as honest and sincere, as those -_Deserters_, who made room for them, were disingenuous and -self-interested; what can you do against Numbers? What Success can poor -_England_ expect from the Endeavours of so few? - -_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, you forget that the Opposition grew. - -Sir _John_. No, Sir, I don’t forget that Opposition founded on virtuous -Principles will always grow. But what _Opposition_ can you expect to -grow in a Court? You late Comers there are but the Tail of the -Administration. Can you direct the Head and Body? Must it not move as -they direct, or be lopt off? What will Opposition in Council avail, -where the Majority will be so great against you? And as for Opposition -in P——t, there will be none, there can be none. The late _Deserters_, -who are now flung out, should they grumble and oppose, no Creature -living will adhere to them that has a Drachm of either Sense or Virtue. -And by the present Scheme, you who were late Leaders of Opposition, are -taken off, and consequently all Opposition ceases. I wish I may be -mistaken; but, methinks, I see a Scheme, and the artfullest and deepest -that ever was laid in this Nation, now put in Execution. - -_Over_. How, Sir _John_! a Scheme deeper than the _Excise_? - -_Blunt_. Or last Year’s _Invasion_, which produced such Chearfulness in -granting more Millions than ever were granted in any one Session before? - -_Rose_. Or the late Sir _R——t_’s Scheme for securing his own Retreat? - -_Blunt_. Retreat! Do you think it a Retreat for a Man to quit the Stage -to go behind the Curtain, where he sets all the Puppets in Motion? - -Sir _John_. He does so; and this is not the least Adroit of his Motions. -All the present Ministry, the late small _Engraftment_ excepted, are his -known Creatures. They were most of them of his own bringing up, and of -course act by his Directions. - -_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, how shall we be affected by his Motions? I -hope you don’t suppose he will be able to influence us New comers, as -you call us, however he may direct his Pupils. - -Sir _John_. I hope he won’t; but I’ll answer for it, he does not now -matter whether he can or no. He has lull’d you into a Stupor, and having -unperceptibly depriv’d you of your Sting, you are no longer the terrible -Men you appeared to the Court some time ago. - -_Over_. They are now become the _Drones_ of the Hive; ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. They are really no better. Pardon me, Mr. _Broadbottom_, if -I think the Epithet fits all you who are brought in to countenance -Measures the Nation disapproves of—— - -_Blunt_. To colour an ignominious Peace, which is thought to be on the -Anvil, because the late Conduct of our Superiors renders a Peace of any -kind absolutely necessary. - -_Over_. And to be kick’d out again as soon as those dirty Ends are -answered, which they were introduc’d to promote: Gad, Brother Foxhunter, -I should not care to be _rump’d_ after I had said _yea_ and _nay_ as -directed. You see what End the late Patriot _Pretenders_ are come to. —— -Z—ns Man! fall not, like those Coxcombs, ’tween two Stools. - -Sir _John_. There lies the Depth of the present Scheme, which is but the -second Part of the late. The late _Deserters_, as they are justly -call’d, saw not that they were digging Pits for themselves, while they -were bargaining to drop their Party for Places at Court. What better, Mr -_Broadbottom_, have you been lately doing for yourself? If you answer -the _Purpose_ of your being taken into the Ministry, supposing it -disagreeable to the Nation, you are irrecoverably lost in the Opinion of -all who esteem’d you before; and of consequence will be no better than a -Drone all your Life long. - -_Broad_. Pray, Sir _John_, why will you suppose the _Purpose_ of the -Ministry to be disagreeable to the Nation? - -Sir _John_. Because I have known in my Time but very few, if any -Ministerial _Purposes_ that deserv’d public Approbation. - -_Broad_. You would not have us be against the Continuance of the War, -till an honourable Peace can be obtain’d? - -_Smooth_. Nor against the Support of the War while it continues. - -_Rose_. Nor against such a Peace, as the Success of the War may intitle -us to. - -Sir _John_. So! the Lessons are already put by Heart. - -_Over_. Why not? you forget how apt Lawyers and Divines are to learn. -Ha, ha! - -_Blunt_. And Patriots too, when once they creep within the Palace Gates. - -_Broad_. Mr. _Blunt_, I am well acquainted with the Uprightness of your -Heart. You love me, and therefore fear I am to be deluded from my Duty -to my Country by the Allurements of a Post. But let me intreat my -Friends to suppress their Fears till the End of the Session. - -_Blunt_. I should not wonder by the End of the present Session, or at -least before the Beginning of the next, to see you and your Brethren -reduced to your primitive Nakedness. Of what Use can you be, after you -grant all the Court wants, and reject or throw cold Water on every -Motion for the Benefit of the Nation? - -Sir _John_. Motion for the Benefit of the Nation, said you! Who will -make such a Motion? Or if made, who will support it? Neighbour _Blunt_, -I don’t wonder that you, who never sat in Parliament, should mistake the -Nature of _Motions_ made there; but I, who represented your Borough in -my younger Days, am able from my Experience to inform you, that no -important _Motion_ of public Benefit will be made this Session; or, if -fortuitously made, will be seconded. The different Parties in the House, -and Parties with different Views there always were and will be, are led -by a _few_, who may be said to direct all the Operations of the Session. -Among that _few_, there is generally some one or two who are permitted -to take the Lead in all Deliberations, and from thence may be said to -direct the whole. Supposing then that the Court should find means to -take off not only that _one_, or those _two_ or _three_, but all the -Chiefs or Directors of an Opposition at the Beginning of a Session, how -can it be expected that any Motions of Moment will be made? or, as I -said before, if made will be seconded? All Motions to be made, that are -of consequence, are first projected by the Leaders, and communicated and -recommended at their private Meetings and Clubs. But strip the Party of -such Leaders, before they have Time to make, or even resolve on a new -Choice of Chiefs, and there is an End of all such necessary and usual -Communications and Recommendations, and probably of the very Meetings -antecedent to them. In time, a new Set of Leaders may arise, but there -must be Proof of their Truth and Abilities before they can acquire the -necessary Confidence; and such Proof is not produced hastily. - -_Over_. Right, old Sportsman. It must be _Truth_ and _Time_ that acquire -the Captains of Foxhounds the Confidence of the Pack. - -_Smooth_. Mr. _Overall_, you might have spared your Comparison of -Foxhounds and Members of Parliament. - -_Rose_. Nor is Sir _John_’s Doctrine of _Motions_ less seasonable or -pertinent. - -_Blunt_. Decent Mr. _Smoothwell_, and you cautious Mr. _Roseband_, when -are apt Comparisons to be made or necessary, and seasonable Truths to be -spoken, unless it be on such an Occasion, and at such a Time as the -present? - -_Over_. See how these Law-and-Gospel-Mongers would debar a Freeborn from -the Privilege of expostulating with the Man to whom he is going to -delegate his Life, Liberty and Fortune!—— Z—ds, _Broadbottom_, sure you -are not already become so rank a Courtier, as to have retained the Vicar -of your Parish, and the Steward of your Manors, to padlock the friendly -Lips of your plain and upright Neighbours? - -_Broad_. Far be it from me to endeavour preventing the Expostulations of -my Friends. I have always asked the Opinion of my Constituents in all -Matters of Moment, since I have been in Parliament, and hope they will -admit that I have not misused the Trust committed to me. - -Sir _John_. Sir, we believ’d you a true _Englishman_; at least, let me -speak for myself, I did so, or I had not given you so often my Vote and -Interest to represent your Country in Parliament: And I confess, that by -all that appears, you have honourably discharged the Trust reposed in -you. But, Sir, the good Opinion I have had of you, and even that which I -entertain of you at present, are no such Securities for your future -Conduct, considering the present State of Affairs, as should efface all -Traces of Doubt and Jealousy out of my Mind. You are a Man, and as such, -are not exempt from _Selfishness_, a Passion which Ministers never fail -to sooth and gratify. I may believe you mean well; but can’t help -dreading your suffering yourself to be _sweeten’d_ from your good -Intentions. - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, your Concern for my future Conduct speaks the -Sincerity of your Friendship, and I am therefore the more oblig’d to -you. But methinks the known Probity and Honour of those Men we join in -the Administration might lay your Doubts and Jealousies concerning my -Behaviour for the Time to come. - -Sir _John_. I have nothing to do with the private _Probity_ and _Honour_ -of any Gentleman; but, Sir, if you expect I should think as favourably -of those that have lately invited you to associate with them, as you -seem to do, you are grossly mistaken. You differ in Opinion concerning -those Gentlemen, whom you now seem to applaud, not only with me, but -with yourself. What have those _most deserving Men_ done of late to -acquire your good Opinion? It was but just before you went up to the -first Meeting of the present Session, that you heartily joined Mr. -_Blunt_ and myself, in condemning the _Passiveness_ of all those whom -you now associate with and praise. What have they done for the Public -since, or ever before, that should endear them to you or any true -_Englishman_? Was Sir _R—— W——_’s whole Administration obnoxious to the -Majority of the Nation? was it injurious to all? did not those you now -are _grafted_ upon, concur with him in all his Measures? were they not -most of them, the Creatures of his Power? were not the chief of them his -Pupils, train’d up in all his Arts and Wiles? are they not of his -rearing? are they not distinguishable at this very Hour by his Stamp? - -_Blunt_. By this Scheme of _Ingraftment_ it plainly appears, that if -they don’t wear his Livery in View, they wear it under their upper -Garments. - -_Over_. So that Sir _Brass_, like his Employer, still has his cloven -Foot in all our Affairs. - -_Blunt_. As sure as this new-devised _Ingraftment_ will ruin all our -_Affairs_, unless the _Projector_ and his _Disciples_ will be so humble -as to submit to be led by the Few they have called in to help steer the -Bark in a Storm. - -Sir _John_. And what was it but their own servile _Passiveness_ that had -occasion’d the _Storm_ which they now endeavour to quell by the Help of -Mr. _Broadbottom_ and his Brethren in the late Opposition? What could -the late fallen _Minister_, of whom they affect to complain as the -Author of all our Calamities; what could that _Phaeton_, I say, have -done, had he not been supported by those who now affect to quit rather -than draw with him? Had not they the Power of the _Purse_? had not they -in that and every other Respect, the Means of tying up that -_Adventurer_’s Hands from hurting his Country, if they would? Yes, Mr. -_Broadbottom_, those Men you now venerate so much, had the _Power_, but -they wanted the _Will_. And what was it but that fundamental, primary -Ingredient in the Composition of some Men, _Selfishness_, which induced -those Men to misuse the Power they then had? - -_Rose_. By your Leave, Sir _John_, tho’ the late Minister, the -_Phaeton_, as you call him, may have misused his Power; I don’t see why -these Gentlemen who _remain_ in the Administration should be involved in -his Guilt. - -_Over_. Smoke the Parson, Gentlemen; mind how cautiously he treads on -_Jack’s_ Heels.——_May have misused his Power!_ How gently he touches the -Sore! Then again, the charitable _Man can’t see the least Speck of Gall_ -in the _Doves_ that have thrust _Jack_ from the _Barn Door_. - -_Blunt_. Ah! Mr. _Overall_, that _Barn_ has made many an honest Man -otherwise. - -Sir _John_. I don’t think it so, Mr. Mayor; a Man truly Honest is no -more to be corrupted than a Woman truly Chast. But as it is she only who -is a Whore in her Heart that can be defiled, so is it he only who is a -Rogue in his Heart, that can be warped from his Integrity. - -_Over_. Gad, Sir _John_, I should be glad to know where your _truly -Honest_ Men and _truly Chast_ Ladies grow. For in my poor Observation, I -knew but one Man and one Woman that truly deserved the Epithet. - -_Smooth_. Your Mother was the precious Exception of one Sex.——Ha, ha! - -_Rose_. And his pious _Dad_ the other.——Ha, ha! - -_Over_. Neither; among the Men, _Jack_ the late M—r was the Exception, -because he was the only Minister that ever I heard or read of, who had -the _Honesty_ to pretend to _none_. And among the Fair, Madame _V—te_, -who held out till her H—d commanded her and conducted her himself to the -Arms of her Lover. - -_Omnes_. Ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. I say nothing of the Aptness of your Exception among the -Fair; but really, Mr. _Overall_, you have hit it off in regard to the -other Sex. The late M—r was a Prodigy in his Way. I won’t say that I -ever knew a less virtuous Minister, but I will, that I never knew one -made less Pretensions to Virtue. - -_Broad_. He courted Virtue as he did Applause. - -Sir _John_. And was he not the Honester, for not pretending to that he -resolved not to practise, and for not courting that which he knew he did -not deserve? But what better Pretensions have they, who, as my Friend -Mr. _Overall_ terms it, thrust him from the _Barn Door_, to either -Virtue or Applause? Did they not give a Sanction to all his Measures? -Were not they Partners of his Guilt? And more, were they not the -Partners of his Predecessor’s Guilt? Had the late Minister shewn less -Contempt for them; had he wore more the Appearance of Modesty, or had -more Deference for their Opinions; had he seem’d to draw with them; had -he not ingross’d solely to himself the _Distribution_ of the Court -_Manna_: Had he, in short, shared with his Fellow Ministers the vast -Emoluments arising from the Distribution of the _Secret-Service_ Money, -I fancy we should never have heard of the present unnatural -_Ingraftment_. - -_Broad_. Since you will have it an _Ingraftment_ rather than a -_Coalition_, it shall be so; but why should it be an unnatural -_Ingraftment_? - -_Over_. Why indeed? Don’t we see _Non-pareilles_ and _Golden Pippins_ -daily grafted on _Crabs_, and yet thrive? Ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. Yes, Mr. _Overall_; because they are all nourished by their -common Parent, the Earth; and the _Crab-Tree_ is a Channel only for the -Nurture to pass thro’. In this Case, the Earth, from whence both Species -receive Nourishment, remains pure and uninfected; the _Crab_ has no more -Influence than the _Pippin_. But can we suppose the Parity will hold in -the other Case? The old _Standards_ in the Administration ingross the -_Soil_: The _ingrafted Shoots_ shall have no more Communication with it, -than their elder Brethren shall be pleased to permit. - -_Rose_. I am sorry to see all Sir _John_’s Observations tinctured with -Uncharitableness. Why should the old _Standards_, as you call those that -remain of the late Ministry, infect the Soil, by which I suppose the —— -is meant, any more than the _ingrafted Shoots_ or new Comers? - -Sir _John_. The _new Comers_, for aught I know, wou’d be as arrant -Courtiers, as supple Fawners in time, as the old _Standards_ themselves, -had they equal Opportunity. But my Life for’t, the _Ingrafted_ will be -kept at Arms Length from the Royal Ear. - -_Broad_. I hope not, Sir _John_; those we join are Men of Honour; and -they assure us of going Hand in Hand with us—— - -_Blunt_. To raise the _Supplies_. - -_Over_. And screen Delinquents. - -Sir _John_. Will they join, think you, in National Parsimony, in the -Encouragement of Trade and Industry, and the Discouragement of Venality -and Corruption? Will they join in repealing those Laws which affect -_Freedom_, and in lessening the vast Power accruing to the Crown from -the great Weight of our Debts and Taxes, by the Distribution of civil -Employments? Will they join—— - -_Blunt_. Yes, Sir _John_, in fleecing the Nation to fill their own -Pockets, and gratify Mr. _Nameless_. - -_Over_. That same _Nameless_ must have an excellent _Digestion_; and -sure his necessary Woman must have golden Days of it; for without doubt, -he who swallows so much _Gold_ must sh—t a great deal of the Metal.—— -But I forget that _H——_ is the _Close-stool_, where all the precious -Excrement centers. - -_Blunt_. And but _One_, on this Side the Water, has a Key to that -valuable Repository. - -_Rose_. For Cleanliness of Conversation, commend me to you both, -Gentlemen. - -_Over_. And for doubling and time-serving, commend me to Gownsmen. - -_Broad_. Gentlemen, I intreat we may live sociably together as usual. -Let us not give Way to Spleen or Ill-nature. Mr. _Roseband_ and Mr. -_Smoothwell_ happen at this Time to be in a more charitable Disposition -than the rest of the Company. But, I assure myself, you will be all of -one Opinion, when you see perfect _Concord_ in the Administration, and -that _Union_ directed to promote publick Happiness. - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I heartily agree with you in the -Banishment of Heat and Sarcasm from our Conversation; but can’t help -dissenting from you in the other Point. Without giving up my Reason, I -can’t reckon upon _Concord_ between two Sets of Men, as seemingly -different in their Views and Principles as can well be imagin’d. By all -that appears hitherto, you lately _Ingrafted_, have acted on Principles -the most honourable, and with Views the most disinterested that ever Men -did; whereas the _old Standards_ seem to have no Views but to -_Self-Interest_, nor Principles, but such as are repugnant to -_Patriotism_. - -_Over_. _Patriotism!_ Ha, ha! Poor Wanderer! Where has she taken up her -Habitation, since she was sent adrift by those _Ingrafted_ about two -Years ago upon the old Stock? - -_Blunt_. Patience. Mr. _Overall_, and you shall see her perch’d on the -joint Endeavours of our mottley Ministry to save the Nation. - -_Broad_. I hope you will, Mr. _Blunt_, tho’ you speak it with a Sneer. - -Sir _John_. I heartily wish we may. But in my Mind, the Coalition on -which you reckon so much, is as impracticable as squaring the Circle, if -you Gentlemen newly _Ingrafted_, and _those_ you are _Ingrafted_ on, -_thought_ as you _spoke_ and _acted_, and continue the same way of -_thinking_? - -_Over_. Have not you seen, that the late _Ingrafted_ had two Ways of -_thinking_? - -_Blunt_. One fitted for the _Country_, the other for the _Court_? - -_Broad_. Good Mr. Mayor, spare your Friends, at least till you find them -tripping. - -Sir _John_. For my Part, the whole Stress of my Argument rests on a -Supposition; that both Parties of the Administration will adhere to -their native Principles and Way of thinking. On this Supposition then -where can be the _Concord_, where the _Coalition_? - -_Over_. Just where the Union would be between Kites and Doves. - -_Blunt_. But, my Fox-hunter, leaving Concord and Union out of the -Question, when has it been seen, that spotless innocent _Doves_ have had -the weak Complaisance of associating with the crafty and guilty _Kites_, -on the first Offer of Friendship and Cordiality? - -_Broad_. Still, my worthy Magistrate, severe upon your old Friends? - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, call not that Severity, which is the -Result of Friendship. I judge of Mr. _Blunt_ by myself, who, because I -esteem you, fear you may be imposed upon in the Step you have lately -taken. You could not but see that the Court made to you, was the Effect -rather of _Necessity_ than _Choice_. You must not be the Man of -Penetration I take you for, unless you saw that you would be an -unwelcome Guest at C—t, and an unwelcome Companion to those who invited -you thither. In such Circumstances, I should expect that you, and those -whom you have selected among your Party to accompany you, wou’d insist -upon such Terms for your Country, as would endear you to your -Countrymen. - -_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, would it become us to insist on Terms, when -none were exacted from us? - -Sir _John_. It not only would become you to insist on such Terms as -would be of public Utility, but it was absolutely necessary you shou’d, -if you would maintain your Character and serve your Country. You _New -Comers_ are but a few, if compared to those you are ingrafted on. They -may, and probably will out-argue, or rather out-vote you, whenever you -shall presume to oppose their Measures; and should you persist in your -Opposition, they will thrust you from the _Barn_ for your Contumacy. -Such will be the best of your Case. - -_Smooth_. Best do you call it? Pray, Sir _John_, what do you call the -Worst of their Case? - -Sir _John_. To quit their own Principles, and take up those of the old -_Standards_. In that Case they might think to mend their own private -Fortunes, but would most certainly ruin their Country, and of course -would lose all Credit with their Countrymen. - -_Broad_. But is it impossible for Men of different Principles to meet -each other half Way, and agree in such Essentials as may promote the -general Good of the Community? - -Sir _John_. He who meets an Opponent half way, recedes from his own -Principles, and embraces in part at least, those of his Antagonist. Now -if your _Principles_ were _sound_, and those of the _old Standards -unsound_, as we must believe from your constant Opposition for the Time -past; how can you depart from yours, without embracing _unsound_ -Principles? No, Sir, I protest against half-way Meetings between a -Majority in _Power_, and a few, who, I’m afraid, grasp too eagerly at a -Shred, or rather Shadow of that _Power_. The _Magnet_ is with the -greater Number; pray Heaven, it attracts not the smaller to it! - -_Broad_. Why so desponding, Sir _John_, you who were won’t to be the -firmest Prop of our Party Hopes? - -Sir _John_. To be very serious, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I apprehend we are in -a wretched Situation; and I see but one Means, by which we may hope to -better our Condition. But I foresee that we sha’n’t have the Wisdom or -Virtue to pursue that only Way. Notwithstanding the Groupe of Ills we -labour under; notwithstanding our Necks are sore gall’d with the Yoke, I -fear, should the Time of procuring ourselves Ease ever offer, Corruption -will prevail, and _Avarice_ will chuse the Continuance of our Woe. If we -would expect such a thorough Change of Measures as the Nation seem to -wish for and require, can we hope for it from the present Patch-work -mingling of Hands? - -The taking Gentlemen into the Administration, who have distinguished -themselves by their Zeal for the Interests of their Country, is not, I -fear, designed to ease the People, but to bring those Gentlemen to bear -a Share of the public Hatred and Infamy, which the late M—rs have -incurr’d by the most flagitious Measures. This must cause an irreparable -Breach between the Public and those now rever’d and beloved Patriots; a -Policy by which the Projectors think, perhaps, they leave the Flocks -without Shepherds, and may at Pleasure then prey upon the Folds. But let -me warn these Politicians, that it is not always safe to leave an -injur’d, oppress’d, exasperated People without Leaders on whose Probity -they may depend. On the other hand, let me warn our Patriots, that as a -Snare may have been laid for them, it is their Business to take care -they are not taken in it. They have been the Hopes as well as Darlings -of their Country, and it should be their Study at this critical Juncture -not to give Room for suspecting their Virtue. In short, they should -avoid becoming themselves the Curse of their Country, or countenancing -those that have been so for many Years. - -The War for the Sake of _H——_, has been carried on after a Manner so -dishonourable, not to say infamous, and so expensive, that the old -_Standards_, for a Reason easily pointed out, look upon a _Peace_ to be -absolutely necessary. The Conduct of the War will not suffer them to -hope that equitable Terms will be allow’d them; on the other hand, they -must be sensible, that the People have a greater Regard to the Honour of -the Nation than to private Interest, and will be against sheathing the -Sword, till the Blood of our foreign Enemies has wash’d off the Stain -fix’d on the Glory of the Nation by her domestic Foes. In this Dilemma -they may think it the best, indeed the only Expedient to cast the Burden -on the _Favourites_ of the People. If they accept of Peace on -dishonourable Terms, the late M—rs are acquitted; if they reject it, any -Misfortunes that may attend the War will be intirely cast upon them. In -a Word, the Ministers have entangled the Skein, and call upon the -Patriots to disentangle it, or share the Odium of their Folly and -Wickedness. They have woven the _Gordian Knot_, and the Friends of the -People are to loose it. - -_Over_. We shall soon see who are the Peoples Friends. - -_Broad_. Can you have any Doubt concerning them? - -_Blunt_. Were not those _Deserters_ lately thrust from the _Barn_, the -Peoples Friends too before they were _ingrafted_ on the Ministry? All -are the Peoples Friends while they are rising on the Shoulders of the -People; but when once they are up, away goes the Scaffolding. Mr. -_Broadbottom_, I believe you are a Friend to the People, or I would not -support your last Election, or your present Re-election; but if you -would convince us you are truly so, let us see you heartily endeavouring -to obtain something for those willing People that have drain’d their -Vitals to comply with a C—t and Ministry, and bore the Heat of the Day. -Restore us our _Triennial_ Parliaments. - -Sir _John_. Or rather our Annual Parliaments, which was the ancient -Constitution. But, Mr. _Broadbottom_, let us have them without -_Purchase_. I understand the C—l L—st is greatly incumber’d. I hope ’tis -not intended to clear it at the People’s Expence, before the annual -Produce of it be fairly stated and known. - -_Blunt_. Can you expect to know any thing the Court has a mind you -should not, while _Seven’s_ the Main? - -_Over_. No more _Septs_ say I; I believe I shall never love the Number -_Seven_ again, as long as live. - -Sir _John_. _Seven_ or _Seventy_ would be of little Significancy in a -Country and Age less corrupt than ours. But considering the present -Depravity, I must confess that _septennial_ Parliaments afford Ministers -more Opportunity than I would willingly allow them, to put in Practice -the Arts of the Cabinet. - -_Rose_. If the Depravity be so great and general as you represent it, -how shall our Condition be better’d by a Repeal of the _septennial_ Law? -The Cabinet Arts, which you so much apprehend, may be as well practised -on the _triennial_ as _septennial_ Servants of the People. - -_Over_. To prevent which, let us do as our braver, honester _Popish_ -Ancestors did. - -_Rose_. Ah! Mr. _Overall_! Your worthy Father would not have been so -liberal of his Epithets to Papists. - -_Over_. Mr. _Roseband_, my Father loved and rever’d Virtue wherever he -found it. And he blush’d not any more than I should, to own that our -Popish Ancestors had the true Spirit of Patriotism, and that they left -us more valuable Blessings than we are like to leave Posterity. - -_Smooth_. How, my Politician! Sha’n’t we and Posterity too bask in -Plenty, if we do as you say our honester popish Ancestors did? ha, ha! - -_Rose_. Pray, Mr. _Overall_, What are we to do in imitation of our -braver Ancestors? ha, ha! - -_Over_. To _curse_ the Ambitious and Corrupt. - -_Rose_. Curse, Mr. _Overall_! Is it for Christians to curse? - -_Over_. Is it for _Englishmen_ to be bribed out of their Virtue? What -are the Curses you pronounce on _Ashwednesdays_? - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Overall_ means, I suppose, the Anathema solemnly -denounced in the Reign of _Henry_ III. by the Archbishop of -_Canterbury_, at the Head of the Barons and other great Men of the -Nation, against all such as should directly or indirectly oppose the -Observance of the _two Charters_, and those who should violate, -diminish, or alter in any Manner whatever the Laws and Constitutions of -the Kingdom. - -_Over_. I do, Sir _John_; and the Method I would propose should be, that -the Members of the Legislature, not excepting the pious Lords the B—ps, -on the Expiration of the present Parliament, would meet in _Westminster_ -Abbey, and there solemnly denounce, by the Mouth of the Archbishop, or, -if some squeamish Puritans should object to the Surplice, by the Mouths -of the Lord C—r and Sp—r, the bitterest Curses against all who shall -offer or accept a Bribe at a new Election, directly or indirectly. - -_Blunt_. Or who shall accept of a Place or Pension after he is elected, -in order to support the Measures of Evil Ministers, or screen them. - -_Over_. _Blunt_, let you and I draw up a Form of the Anathema. I would -ask the Vicar, but that he says ’tis Antichristian, to curse the Wicked. -First then, _Cursed_ be he who offers any Bribe or Gratification to any -Freeholder or Burgher to obtain his Vote: _Cursed_ be he who is an -Instrument to corrupt any who has a Right to give his Vote for any -Candidate to represent his County or Borough: _Cursed_ be he, who having -a Right to vote, shall be biass’d in his Voting by any private Interest, -Views, or Hopes: _Cursed_ be he who makes any unjust Returns of Members; -and may such Enemies of their Country be _cursed_ in themselves, their -Wives and Posterity, and in their Goods and Chattels; may they -themselves become the Butt of public Scorn, Hatred and Contempt, whilst -living, and their Widows and Daughters become common Prostitutes for -Bread; and may their Sons experience that _Slavery_, which they would -have brought upon their Country; may their Herds and Flocks die with the -Murrain and Rot; may their Lands become barren, and may their Memory for -ever stink in the Nostrils of all honest Men and true _Britons_. Let all -here say, _Amen_. - -_Broad_. See what it is to be a Foxhunter; no other’s Lungs would have -held out in so long a Chase of useful Curses; ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. Why indeed, Mr. _Broadbottom_, if Curses would cure the -great Evil of _Corruption_, they might be truly called _useful_. But I -am afraid the World is become too cursed to be frighten’d by Curses from -the Commission of Evil. Therefore I would have them restrain’d by some -more coercive Means. And as the Repeal of the _Septennial_ Act, and -effectual _Place_ and _Pensions_ Bills, seem to bid fairest of any Means -I can think of, for removing the Gangreen which preys upon the Vitals of -our Constitution; I should be glad to see the P—— this very Session take -them seriously into Consideration. I hope they will, for the good of -Posterity and their own Honour. And let me add, Mr. _Broadbottom_, that -I hope it for yours, and your new _Ingrafted_ Brethren’s Sake, who must -rise or sink with the Publick, as these Points are dropt or vigorously -pushed and obtain’d. What is it to the People who is _in_ or _out_ of -Place, if they receive no Benefit by the Change? On the Contrary, a -pretended Coalition leaves them in a worse Condition than they were -before, as it deprives them of their present Leaders, and a colourable -Pretence for Complaint. For won’t Courtiers be apt to call that a wanton -Complaint, which has not the Sanction of the old Chiefs of the People? - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, as all who hear you, improve by your Conversation; -all who converse with you, ought to pay a Deference to your Opinions, -which are generally well founded. But tho’ I should admit that the -Points you contend for, would be of public Utility; yet I believe you -will admit likewise, that there may be Seasons wherein it would not be -proper to press these Matters with too great Warmth. It would be -ill-timing the Embellishment or Repair of a House, when the Chimney was -on Fire. The World at Home and Abroad is unsettled and perplexed. We -have Quarrels and Parties—— - -Sir _John_. We have so, and Taxes, Poverty, and Corruption. And we have -likewise open, and who are more dangerous, secret Enemies; at least, we -have lukewarm Friends.——This is no more than what I dreaded, when I -first heard how few of the reputed Friends of the People were invited to -C—t. When I saw all the great Offices of Trust continued in the old -_Standards_, I dreaded the Consequence of taking a few of the Leaders of -the People into the subordinate Posts.——Mr. _Broadbottom_, I am sorry to -tell you, that I dreaded you would have learnt the Court _Catechise_, -when I heard you accepted of a Place before obtaining such Points as the -People contend for, and are of absolute Necessity. Why should it be -unseasonable to restore us to _triennial_ Parliaments, and to secure -Liberty by effectual Place and Pension Bills? What Ferment or Combustion -is here at Home, that should prevent or deter the Friends of our -Constitution from seeking its immediate Repair, where it has been -weakened by either Time or Art? What have the Broils of _Germany_ to do -with the _British_ Constitution? - -The World, you say, is unsettled and perplexed abroad, and we have -Quarrels and Parties at Home. Granted; and who are accountable for the -Perplexities on the Continent and the Parties here at Home? Not the -People, Mr. _Broadbottom_, whose Contentment you would postpone to a -more seasonable Opportunity. I should be glad to know the ministerial -_Seasons_ for doing public Justice. We have had a long Interval of Peace -since the passing the _Septennial_ Law, yet our Ministers never thought -it _seasonable_ to suffer it to be repealed. The Ministers, Sir, I mean -the _B——h_ Ministers, and not the _B——h_ Nation, have been principally -and primarily Authors of the Broils on the Continent; and our Fewds at -Home are no less owing to them. - -_Smooth_. How, Sir _John_, will you place the Ambition of _France_, the -Perfidy of _P——a_, and the Inaction of _Holland_, to the Account of our -Ministers? - -Sir _John_. I will, and with the strictest Justice.——_France_ had not -dared to attempt gratifying her Ambition, nor _P——_ to support _France_, -or _Holland_ to look on, if a Foreign Interest did not biass _B——h_ -Ministers from the true Interest of their Country. To sum up all in one -Word, _H——_ is accountable for all the Perplexities on the Continent, -and all our Fewds at Home.——But what Fewds or Quarrels can be -apprehended after so hopeful a _Coalition_ as the present? When shall -_Britons_ expect Relief, unless when the _best Men of all Parties_, -according to one of our Patriot Writers, have the Power and Direction of -public Affairs? - -_Broad_. We are only accountable for our own Conduct; and as we are but -a few— - -Sir _John_. I dread you may be biassed by the Majority. Why should you -agree to come into the Support of a tottering M——y before you had -secured such a Share of Power as would enable you to change Measures -obnoxious and injurious to the People? Why would you come in without -securing a Moiety at least, of the great Offices of Trust, such as first -C—— of the T——y, S——y of S——, and P——t of the C——t, _&c. &c_. - -_Over_. Faith now, Sir _John_, that would be keeping Gentlemen to d—d -hard Meat. What, not allow Men to stoop at small Game, that have been -beating about for many Years in vain? Pshaw! Gad! ’tis quite ungenteel -and unconscionable. - -Sir _John_. My Quarrel is not to the Gentlemen’s Humility, but to their -Want of Prudence. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I hope, will pardon the Expression. - -_Broad_. With all my Heart. Sir _John Probeum_ can say nothing, because -I am sure he means not, to offend me. - -Sir _John_. Sir, you do me but Justice; I intend an Affront to no Man, -much less to you, whom I have always esteemed. - -_Broad_. And of whom you shall have no Cause to alter your good Opinion. - -Sir _John_. I hope not, tho’ I cannot so readily digest your _Seasons_ -for redressing the People’s Grievances. - -_Blunt_. _Times_ and _Seasons_ were Cant Words with the late -_Deserters_, as soon as the People expected they would act according to -their Professions. - -_Over_. Ha, ha! Courtiers act up to their Professions! Ha, ha! What a -Solecism wou’d that be? Why Man, you forget that _Double_ and _John_, -and _Long Bib_, and _Dismal_, and the Rest of that precious deserting -Gang were become _Courtiers_, when they found out that it was -unseasonable to weaken the Ministerial Power, and strengthen that of the -People. - -Sir _John_. Experience, they say, is the Mother of Wisdom; but I am -sorry we _Englishmen_ are seldom instructed by that sagacious Lady. I -have lived to see the People deluded and injured by those whom they -themselves had screw’d up into Power; and I have seen them receiving -those very _Deluders_ a second and third Time into their Favour. - -_Rose_. A Proof of their Lenity and Good-nature, Sir _John_. - -Sir _John_. Of their Stupidity rather. I am bound to forgive an Enemy, -but know of no Injunction human or divine, that enjoins me to trust that -Enemy a second Time, and put the Snake in my Bosom. - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, you shall never have Cause for making the -Application here. If I can’t serve with Honour, I am a free Agent, and -shall make use of the Freedom I was born to. I will fling up my P—— the -Moment I find I can’t keep it consistent with my Duty to my Country. - -_Over_. There spoke the Genius of old _England_. - -_Blunt_. Like that _noble_ Patriot, who flung up not long since, that he -might not share in the Guilt and Odium of the Company he kept. - -_Broad_. And that noble Patriot is heartily with us in the present -Change. I hope you will think that his Presence should be enough to keep -us all in Countenance. - -Sir _John_. There is not a Man alive has a better Opinion of that great -Man than myself; but shou’d he tell me of _Times_ and _Seasons_ for -redressing Grievances, I should alter my Opinion of him, and think him -infected by the Air of the C—t. But that Patriot _Englishman_ is -uncapable of so great Baseness and Folly. He knows that War Time is the -properest for enquiring into the Misconduct of the War; and I hope for -that Reason, he and all his Friends will encourage an Inquiry into the -Miscarriage at _Carthagena_, and into the more dishonourable Misconduct -last Year at the _Hieres_. I hope likewise he and you will promote a -strict Inspection into the Management of our Land War. - -_Blunt_. You mean the _H—n_ War. I am sure we are no otherwise concerned -in it, than to have the Honour of defraying its Expence. - -Sir _John_. Be our Concern what it will, it ought to have been managed -with some Decency, if not with Vigour and Prudence. But ever since the -Commencement, it has been carried on ingloriously for the Nation, and -scandalously for those who had the Conduct of it. And should such -wrong-headed or corrupt Agents go unpunish’d or unexamin’d at least, it -will be setting such an Example of national _Lenity_, as may prove fatal -in the Day of Necessity. - -_Blunt_. National _Lenity_! Ah, Sir _John_, you were wont to call Things -by their right Names—— What shall we call the _Lenity_ shewn to the late -Arch-delinquent? - -_Over_. The Duce! what would the Man have; was not there a S—t C—ee -appointed? - -Sir _John_. Yes; and the very little which that C—ee was pleas’d to -publish concerning that Arch-spoiler of his Country, proves that they -ought to have proceeded further. - -_Over_. Dear _Broadbottom_, let us have no C—ees at all, unless you have -the _Will_ and _Power_ to sift Things to the Bottom: For it is but -tantalizing a Nation to pretend doing them Justice, and never intend -any. - -_Blunt_. ’tis encouraging public Venality and Corruption. But C—ees are -pretty _Tubs_, too often thrown out to amuse the People. - -Sir _John_. What Pity ’tis to abuse the Credulity of the best natur’d -People in the World! - -_Over_. Sir _John_, you may praise their good Nature as much as you -please; but, Gad! I say they are the veriest Oafs in Christendom. Z—ds! -that a People should be so d—n’d stupid as to delegate their Power again -and again; nay, a Power too over their Lives and Fortunes, to Men who -had done them repeated Injuries, and of whom they had made repeated -Complaints. They complain’d of the _Septennial_ as a grievous -Imposition; yet the very next Opportunity chose those very Men that had -so grossly imposed upon them. - -_Blunt_. Was it not the same in regard to the _Excise-Scheme_ and the -_Convention_? - -_Over_. The _H—r_ Troops, and the _&c. &c_. to the End of a Chapter as -long as the Book of Homilies. - -_Broad_. But, Gentlemen, don’t you forget to season your Account of the -People’s _Folly_ with a certain native Spice called _Knavery_, or in -other Words, _Self-interest_, which, according to Sir _John_, is the -primary fundamental Ingredient in the Composition of most Men? Did not -these injur’d complaining People bring their Suffrages to Market overt, -where the best Bidder was sure to have them? - -Sir _John_. The Fact, I am afraid, is but too true: And at the same Time -that it proves the Corruption of the People, it proves likewise the -Necessity of an immediate Remedy. Had those scandalous Marts for the -Sale of _B—sh_ Liberty been more common; had they been _annual_, or even -_triennial_, the M—rs would not find their Account in the frequent -Expence; nay, they could not support it. - -_Blunt_. Yet necessary as the immediate Application of this Specific is, -you shall see it postponed to more pacific _Times_, and gentler -_Seasons_. - -_Smooth_. Mr. _Blunt_, tho’ you speak thus in Derision, yet if you -reflect with Seriousness, the Delay of a Remedy so extraordinary as the -Repeal of the _Septennial_ is, till after the War, will not seem so -unmeet to you as it appears at present. - -_Blunt_. Dost think the _Repeal_ would abate the Courage of our Soldiers -and Seamen, and raise that of the Enemy? Dost think it would pall the -Appetites of those greedy _Germans_, that now and long have done us the -Honour to receive _Subsidies_ from us? Wou’d the Queen of _Hungary_ and -King of _Sardinia_ receive _English_ Money the less freely; or defend -their own Territories the less carefully, if _general Content_ should be -spread throughout this Island, powerful as much or more by the Union of -its Inhabitants, as by their Bravery and Wealth? Would our good Allies -the _Dutch_ be deafer to our Intreaties, or slower in their Motions than -they have been of late, should they see the very _Fountain_ of our -Corruption and Venality dry’d up by a Legislative Spunge? - -_Over_. Would our A—ls and G—ls have less Sense, Experience, Courage and -Honesty, if they were to go to _Market_ with their _Bank-bills_, but -every _Third Year_? - -_Smooth_. You forget that your favourite A—l was lately courted at many -_Markets_ without the Aid of Bank-bills. - -_Over_. No, Sir; I don’t forget that his Merit had endeared him to the -People, and render’d him hateful to—— Mi-Mi—Mi—Ministers.—’Sflesh! I -thought I could never keep down another _Word_ which would force itself -in the room of Ministers.—— But enough of that. No, Mr. _Smoothwell_, I -forget not that that gallant, honest Man has not been thought of in the -present Change, tho’ his Valour, Experience, Probity, and good Sense, -can’t be called in question. - -Sir _John_. Truly I wonder’d when I saw not his Name among the List of -C—rs of a certain Board. - -_Broad_. There are certain _Prejudices_, which, in Prudence, we were -obliged to overlook when we could not surmount them. - -Sir _John_. I don’t at all question but there was a _Prejudice_ to you -_all_; but when you were able to conquer that which was always supposed -to be conceived against you personally, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I should not -wonder you could surmount all Prejudice whatever. - -_Over_. Pr’ythee, _Bottom_, how came it practicable to ram one of your -_uncommon Size_, down the narrow squeamish Throat of ——? again, another -_Word_ would intrude on the Word Ministers. - -_Blunt_. I’ll tell thee; to take away from us all our Props; to strip us -of our Leaders; in short, to leave no Speaker or Man of known Merit -behind— - -Sir _John_. I fear that was Part of the Plan; and if so, we are undone, -unless we are saved by the Virtue and Steadiness of those whom the -People have confided in all along, and rais’d at last. - -_Broad_. You need not fear them. - -Sir _John_. I would not willingly suspect Men, who owe more to their -Constituents, than those they have all along opposed. On a Supposition -that these had purchas’d, no matter how infamously, they assum’d a Sort -of Right to reimburse themselves at the Expence of the Venders. But you -_Patriots_ have no such colourable Claim for disserving those who -spontaneously chose you their Attornies with no private Views in the -World, or any Views but such as tend to the Good of the Community in -general. - -_Over_. Gad, my dear _Broady_, you ought to be doubly cursed, nay doubly -d—n’d, should you not earnestly and truly serve those that had -gratuitously vested you with ample Power over their Persons, Lands, -Goods, Chattels, Wives and Bairns. - -_Rose_. And Hounds and Hunters; ha, ha! - -_Blunt_. And Tythes and Dues, my laughing Vicar—Is the _Liberty_ of a -free People a fit Subject for Laughter? Is not our All at Stake at this -critical Juncture? Should those who have been always our reputed -Friends, _join_ with those who were always deem’d our Enemies, what -shall become of us? What shall we do? - -_Over_. I’ll tell you; _unite_, and join against both. - -Sir _John_. I should not wonder if a general _Union_ against all secret -and open Enemies would be the Consequence of any signal Misconduct or -Defection in those lately _ingrafted_. For after such repeated -Experience as the People have had of the Power of C—— _Infection_, it -may be expected they would go greater Lengths than might be agreeable to -the Authors of their Despair. ’tis dangerous to push a sensible People -too far. - -_Over_. Pshaw! brag not too much of your Sensibility, I beseech you, -after such Provocations as you have had since the _Septennial_ Y——e has -been upon your Necks. Gad! they are as tame as my _Chesnut_ after a -Morning’s Chase. - -Sir _John_. They are observant of the Laws, and I hope they will always -continue so. - -_Over_. ’Sbud! you wou’dn’t have us keep Measures with _Renegadoes_ and -_Promise-breakers_? - -Sir _John_. No; but I am for no Measure that exceeds legal Bounds. - -_Over_. Z—ds Man! you don’t think I would advise the knocking such -_Recreants_ in the Head without Judge or Jury, tho’ they would merit the -worst of Deaths. No; I would not touch a Hair of their Heads; but d—n me -if ever that Man should have my Friendship or Vote again, who should -once break public _Faith_ with me. - -_Blunt_. Right, my worthy ’Squire—— Oh! how solemnly have we been -promis’d a Redress of all our Grievances as soon as our _Idols_ should -come into the Administration! - -_Rose_. _Idols_! Mr. Mayor.—— - -_Blunt_. Ay, Doctor; such, and worse, if possible, are all those useless -insignificant Men, that fawn, flatter and promise, to arrive at the -Summit of their Ambition, and forget all they had promised as soon as -their Turn is served.—Idols! Mr. _Roseband_; yes, Sir, I would call our -Patriots so to their Faces, and even Mr. _Broadbottom_ himself, whom I -always lov’d and serv’d, should the Redress of our Grievances be -postpon’d. Tame and gull’d as we awkward Country Putts have been; stupid -as we are thought to be, we can feel, and even see when we are play’d -off. Let the Legerdemain be never so dextrous, believe me, we can see -through it. - -_Over_. We don’t forget how Sir _Bob_ used to fly thro’ the Hoops, when -he was press’d hard. He wou’d shift the Pack off his own, to cast it on -_nobler_ Shoulders.——The Cheat is stale, it won’t pass now. - -_Blunt_. It won’t indeed. We know very well what it means to have a -Thing go thro’ glibly below, when it is settled before hand, that it -shall be stifled in its Flight. Mr. _Broadbottom_, you know my Meaning; -and you know too what you have often promised, if ever you should come -into Play, that you would promote the use of _Tacking_, when nothing -else would do. - -_Smooth_. I am sorry that the Head of a considerable Corporation, should -give so great Room for suspecting his Loyalty, as to wish for the -postponing the _Supplies_ in time of War. - -_Blunt_. I am more sorry to see a Principal of any Corporation, a -Sycophant, and Time-server. Mr. _Smoothwell_, you may or may not excuse -my plain Dealing, as you please. Pray Sir, why might not the _Redress_ -go Hand in Hand with the _Supply_? Is a Million the less a Million for -being wrapt up in the same Paper or Parchment with a _Triennial_, or -effectual Place and _Pension_ Bills? Might not Votes of _Credit_ and -Votes of _Inquiry_ be very naturally blended together? Would it swell -the public Debts, if a secret and special C——ee were appointed to -inspect the _Debts_ of the Nation? - -Sir _John_. And the _State_ of the Nation too, Mr. Mayor. I have always -lamented the Want of such a C——ee. It could not fail, if well chosen, to -answer every good End proposed by a National Enquiry. - -_Over_. Brave, upright old Man! have you not seen _Pharsalia_? What have -we got by the late E——y into dextrous _Bob_’s Conduct? - -_Blunt_. A _Proof_ that he ought to be shorten’d by the—— - -_Over_. And pray, how would you have those _worthy Men_ serv’d, who -condescended to let us have a Sight of that precious _Half-proof_, and -not an Inch farther? - -_Blunt_. As they deserved—— - -_Over_. Mum for that——Gad! _Blunt_, I thought you too sincere for -Caution and Circumspection. - -_Rose_. As much as to say, you thought his Worship no wiser than he -shou’d be. Ha, ha! - -_Over_. As much as I should think a Time-server to be an honest Man. - -_Blunt_. Heed him not, Mr. _Overall_, he would set you and I together by -the Ears, but he shan’t have his Ends. (_Looking on his Watch_.) Bless -us! how insensibly Time passes in good Company.—Mr. _Broadbottom_, at -what Hour shall we meet in the Town-Hall? the sooner the better, for -fear of Accidents. - -_Broad_. Of Opposition, you mean——I have heard of no new Candidate. - -_Blunt_. I hope there will be no Candidate but yourself; and tho’ I -believe you’ll meet with no Opposition, expect not to be re-elected -without Bustle and Murmur. The Freemen are not quite pleased with your -late Conduct. They think you, and some others, have been too hasty and -partial in your Distribution of Places—— - -_Broad_. They quite mistake the Thing, the _Distribution_ was not of our -making. - -Sir _John_. I am sorry to hear of so shameful an Error. Were you -sensible of the _Necessity_ some Men were driven to; and of your own -_Usefulness_, and yet have no Share in the Settlement of the main -Article of the Coalition? I wish you may not live to repent you of your -Indolence or Timidity. - -_Broad_. Timidity! Sir _John_. - -Sir _John_. Yes, in Truth. I am not afraid to tell you, that you -betrayed either too much _Timidity_, or too strong an Appetite for -Employments, when you could make no better a Bargain for your Party, or -obtain no absolute positive Assurances that the _Redress_ should go Hand -in Hand with the _Supply_. Are we to bleed for ever? Are we never to -taste of Cordials? - -_Over_. Our Doctors think that _Bitters_ sit best on our English -Stomachs. - -Sir _John_. _Bitters_ are of a hot Nature; the _Prescribers_ should take -Care, that a too constant use of them may not _inflame_ the Blood too -much. - -_Over_. They have provided beforehand a Remedy against such an Evil.——A -good many Thousands in _Red_, will cure an Inflammation presently. - -Sir _John_. They may, by Amputation, if in some of the _Limbs_ only; but -should ever Poverty, Oppression, or Despair, force the Inflammation into -the _Body_ and Bowels, I doubt the Surgeons in _Red_ would not find the -Cure so very easy. But I hope our Friends, few as they are, will find -some Means of perswading their fellow Practicers to drop their -_Bitters_, and put their Patients on a Course of _Alteratives_. - -_Smooth_. Sir _John_, we all wish for Cordials and Restoratives; we own -they are wanting; but I am afraid a Time of War and Confusion is not the -proper Season for administering them. - -Sir _John_. I am much more afraid, Mr. _Smoothwell_, that you have -learnt a Language newly imported from _Court_. _Confusion_, if you mean -here at Home, there is none; and as for the _War_, I don’t think it -wou’d or cou’d go on more ingloriously and scandalously than it has -since the Commencement of it, should our State Physicians alter their -Practice. - -_Blunt_. Scandalously as it has been conducted, it has cost us more than -the most successful and best managed War. - -_Over_. Our last _Foraging_ Campaign stood us dearer than that of -_Blenheim_; and shou’d we have one or two more such parading Summers, to -pot goes the _Sinking Fund_. - -Sir _John_. I shudder at the Thoughts of _re-mortgaging_ that only Hope -we had of seeing one Day our Trade and Industry exonerated from the -Clogs that oppress them. The _Fund_, which should be sacred, has been -too often made free with; but the Incroachments upon the Purpose of it -being temporary only, it had no very bad Effect; whereas the Case would -be otherwise, should they be perpetual. - -_Blunt_. And because it will have that ruinous Consequence, you’ll see -violent unhallow’d Hands laid on that darling Hopes of our People. - -_Over_. Why the D——l don’t our Sages give Lotteries of six Millions, -instead of six hundred Thousand? There are Fools enough in _England_ to -fill them. - -Sir _John_. Another destructive Way of raising the Supplies. There is no -Method more injurious to Trade than Lotteries in general; but when -managed as our late ones have been, they become essentially a public -Nusance. - -_Blunt_. You mean the _sharing_ out Tickets and Chances? - -Sir _John_. I do. Never was any Invention more destructive of Industry. -The poor _Industrious_, whom it is the Policy of all Nations to cherish -and encourage, are by this _sharing Traffick_, exposed to inevitable -Destruction. Who but the Poor will buy an Eighth or _Sixteenth_ of the -Chance of a Ticket? The Rich will deal in whole Tickets; but ’tis the -poor Industrious only that ruin themselves to be in Luck’s Way, as they -term it. ’tis this poor but useful Class of the People only, that game -at 30 _per Cent_. more Disadvantage than the richer Drones. No -Temptation should be thrown in the Way of the Industrious; but on the -Contrary, all hurtful Incentives should be removed. If you will tempt -them to the Hazard Table, let them play upon the Square. Bring the Price -of Tickets down to their Level; and let not the Jews, Sharpers, and -Drones of the Nation be permitted to make a Property of them. But why -might not the Sums raised the two last Years by way of Lottery, be as -well brought into the _Exchequer_ by any other Means? - -_Over_. But no Means would so effectually draw off the Attention of the -Public from our Misery and impending Danger. And whatever some idle -Folks may think, they tell me ’tis one of the principal _Arcana’s_ of -the Cabinet, to contrive artfully, that is imperceptibly, to draw off -the public _Attention_ from the Conduct of _Superiors_. You can’t -conceive how close and out of Sight these State Spiders spin their Webs. - -Sir _John_. But I can very well conceive that the People have Arms long -and strong enough to reach and sweep those Webs clear away whenever they -will. - -_Over_. Ah! Sir _John_, where have the People you brag so much of, hid -their Brooms and Brushes for many Years past? - -_Blunt_. Behind the Clouds of _Corruption_ and _Hypocrisy_, where they -are like to remain much longer, or I am mistaken. - -_Broad_. Mr. _Blunt_, it gives me a Concern to see you continue your -Diffidence of your best Friends. You shall find, that neither -_Corruption_ nor _Hypocrisy_ will stand in the Nation’s Way to -Happiness, if those whom you deem _England_’s Friends can help it. - -Sir _John_. As Jealousy is said to spring from Love, _Diffidence_ may be -said to be founded in Friendship. Mr. _Blunt_ hopes he has no Reason to -suspect your _Intention_, but dreads you have put it out of your Power -to serve the Public. You may have perceived, Mr. _Broadbottom_, during -the whole Conversation, that your Friends apprehend this _Coalition_ as -you call it, or _Ingraftment_ as we express it, will answer no Purpose -of the People, who groan under the pressure of heavy Taxes, a vast Debt, -Decay of Trade, the Yoke of Penal Laws, and those worst Y——s of all, the -_Septennial_ and the Corruption of their ——s. In short, they dread your -being over-reach’d by your more experienc’d Partners, or rather your -being jostled out of the Course, by the abler Jockeys of the C——t. If -you wou’d serve your Constituents in your present Situation, you must -act with Caution.—— - -_Blunt_. With _Honesty_, you should say rather. What Caution is -necessary in answering the Hopes of the People? They desire but what is -absolutely for their Safety. They expect no more than has been often -solemnly promised them. And sure a Man that intends to be as good as his -Word need not pick out every Step of his Way. - -_Over_. The Ground about C——t, they say, is d——d slippery. - -_Blunt_. And for that Reason I would not have had our Friends get upon -it before they had secured their Footing there. See what is become of -the late infamous _Deserters_ for want of such Precaution. - -Sir _John_. Let us draw no invidious Inferences from the Examples of a -Crew that are now as despicable as they are odious to the whole Nation. -A Crew that can’t claim even the Merit of being intentionally upright. -They did not so much as attempt keeping Faith with the People. - -_Over_. But they kept it religiously with the _Barn_ Keeper. - -_Blunt_. I can’t say who was to be _indulged_ by the War, but sure I am -the Weight of it is grievously felt all over the Body politic.——Mr. -_Broadbottom_, you have been lately at Court, pray what do they think -there of the War? Are we like to get out of it with Honour? in short, -are we like to get out of it at all? - -_Over_. Out of it at all!——The D——l, you would not have us serve an -Apprenticeship to the War, as we do to our P——ts? - -Sir _John_. If it be no better manag’d than it has been hitherto, I -don’t see why this War might not last much longer than seven Years. - -_Over_. I’ll tell you why it can’t, because we shan’t be able to -maintain it so long. By mortgaging the _Sinking Fund_ we may hold out -three or four Years pretty tolerably; but after that, souse we go to -_Mint_ or _State-bills_ at 50 _per Cent_. Discount, as in France in old -_Lewis_ XIV. his Days. - -_Rose_. Gentlemen, however, will consider, that we can’t get out of the -War as easily as out of an Assembly Room in the Times of our Horse -Races. - -Sir _John_. I am sure it would be towering Madness to continue it on the -same Footing it has been carried on hitherto. The _Dutch_ should come in -for a full equal Proportion of the Expence, or I would not have a -Red-coat left in _Flanders_. - -_Blunt_. Let the Cheesemongers look to their Barrier and be d——n’d, if -they don’t come down Guinea for Guinea, and Shilling for Shilling with -us towards preserving it. - -_Over_. _Blunt_, if you would curse the _Dutch_ effectually, you must -wish them undamm’d. - -_Blunt_. Damn’d or undamm’d let ’em be, before Old _England_ wades out -of her Depths to hold them up by the Chin. - -_Broad_. Let us hope for the best. They may hear Reason, they may see -their Interest when painted by so masterly a Hand as is now intrusted -with the Pencil. - -Sir _John_. If Wit, Eloquence, Politeness, Frankness and Integrity, -could move a _Dutchman_, I should not doubt of that great Man’s Success; -but as nothing but _Self-interest_ can engage either his Heart or -Attention, I fear his L——p won’t be able to persuade that _selfish_ -People to think it for their Interest to declare War against _France_ -and _Spain_ at the critical Time that we are at Variance with those -Crowns. We are to consider this Juncture as the Harvest Season of the -_Dutch_. All the Markets we are shut out from by the War, are open to -them by a Neutrality. But what I believe weighs not a little with them, -is, that they dread embarking with us ever since they perceived that the -Views of our Statesmen have tended more towards _H——r_ than _England_. -’Tis that observable Bias to a _Foreign Interest_ that will deter the -_States-General_, if my Lord _C——_ does not succeed in his Embassy. - -_Broad_. Perhaps they may conceive better Hopes from the new -Administration. - -Sir _John_. Perhaps they might, had the Administration been _new_. But -as it is no more than an old Garment patch’d with new Cloth, I fear the -_Dutch_ will hardly alter their Plan on any Assurances such a motley -M——y can give them. They may think, and perhaps too truly, that the same -Measures will be follow’d, the same _Interest_ be pursued, since the -Majority, and the chief in Office of the A——n, are of the old Stamp. And -they as truly may think, that neither Harmony nor Success can attend -Counsels jarring between two different separate _Interests_. While the -Interest of _H——r_ clashes with that of _England_, we must neither -expect Harmony with the _Dutch_, nor Success in our Wars. - -_Over_. Nor in any thing else, I think. Would to God we could join that -precious _Manor_ to the _Orcades_, or send it adrift to _Lapland_ or the -_North Cape_. - -_Blunt_. Since we can do neither, would to God our Statesmen would shew -themselves to be _Englishmen_! - -_Over_. Since we are got in the praying Strain, let us all pray that our -_new_ M——y, or at least those lately _ingrafted_ upon the _old_, may not -become as arrant _H——ns_ as their grafted Predecessors, the late -_Deserters_. Let us all say, _Amen_. - - - _FINIS_. - - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - ● Transcriber’s Notes: - ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. - ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected. - ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only - when a predominant form was found in this book. - ○ Text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_). - - - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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} - .c012 { border: none; border-bottom: thin solid; margin-top: 1em; - margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 20%; width: 60%; margin-right: 20%; - margin-top: 2em; } - .c013 { margin-left: 2.78%; text-indent: -2.78%; margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c014 { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } - .c015 { margin-top: 2em; } - body {width:80%; margin:auto; } - .tnbox {background-color:#E3E4FA;border:1px solid silver;padding: 0.5em; - margin:2em 10% 0 10%; } - </style> - </head> - <body> - -<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Christmas Chat, by Anonymous</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<table style='min-width:0; padding:0; margin-left:0; border-collapse:collapse'> - <tr><td style='padding:0'>Title:</td><td style='padding:0'>Christmas Chat</td></tr> - <tr><td style='padding:0'></td><td style='padding:0'>or, Observations on the late change at court, on the different characters of the ins and outs; and on the present state of publick affairs.</td></tr> -</table> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Anonymous</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: May 30, 2021 [eBook #65472]</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries)</div> - -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT ***</div> - -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<img src='images/cover.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c000' /> -</div> -<div> - <h1 class='c001'><span class='c002'><i>CHRISTMAS CHAT:</i></span><br /> <br /><span class='xlarge'>OR,</span><br /> <br /> <span class='c003'>OBSERVATIONS</span><br /> <br /><span class='xlarge'>On the Late</span><br /> <br /> <span class='c004'><span class='sc'>Change</span> at <span class='sc'>Court</span>,</span><br /> <br /> <span class='xlarge'>On the different</span><br /> <br /><span class='c005'>Characters of the INS and OUTS;</span><br /> <br /> <span class='xlarge'>And on the</span><br /> <br /><span class='c006'>Present <span class='sc'>State</span> of <span class='sc'>Publick Affairs</span>.</span></h1> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c000'> - <div><span class='xlarge'>A</span></div> - <div class='c000'><em class='gesperrt'><span class='c007'>DIALOGUE</span></em></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>Spoke at the Country Seat of one of the</span></div> - <div><span class='xlarge'><i>New Ministry</i>, in the late Holy Days,</span></div> - <div><span class='xlarge'>the Day before his Re-election;</span></div> - <div class='c000'><em class='gesperrt'><span class='c007'>BETWEEN</span></em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='lg-container-l c008'> - <div class='linegroup'> - <div class='group'> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Broadbottom</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Overall</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Roseband</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Sir <span class='sc'>John Probeum</span>,</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Smoothwell</span>, &</span></div> - <div class='line'><span class='c007'>Mr. <span class='sc'>Blunt</span>.</span></div> - </div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c009' /> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> - <div class='nf-center'> - <div><span class='xlarge'><em class='gesperrt'><i>LONDON</i></em>:</span></div> - <div class='c000'>Printed for <span class='sc'>M. Cooper</span>, at the Globe in <i>Paternoster Row</i>; 1745.</div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c000' /> -</div> -<div class='figcenter id001'> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_1'>1</span> -<img src='images/i001a.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c010'> - <div><span class='c004'><i>CHRISTMAS CHAT:</i></span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>OR,</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='c004'>OBSERVATIONS</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>On the Late</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='c011'><span class='sc'>Change</span> at <span class='sc'>Court</span>,</span></div> - <div class='c000'><span class='xlarge'>A</span></div> - <div class='c000'><em class='gesperrt'><span class='c007'>DIALOGUE</span></em></div> - </div> -</div> - -<hr class='c012' /> -<p class='c013'><i>Broadbottom</i>, Sir <i>John Probeum</i>, <i>Overall</i>, -<i>Roseband</i>, <i>Blunt</i>, and <i>Smoothwell</i>, sitting -round a Table at <i>Broadbottom’s</i> House.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Overall</i>.</p> -<div class='c014'> - <img class='drop-capi' src='images/i001b.jpg' width='100' alt='' /> -</div><p class='drop-capi1_1'> -TRUCE with Politics, I -beseech you, Gentlemen.——I -gad! ’tis unconscionable -to lecture a Man -thus at his own House.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_2'>2</span><i>Broadbottom</i>. By no means, Mr. <i>Overall</i>; -I look upon the Freedom with which my -worthy Neighbours here treat me, as an -Instance of their Friendship and Regard.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Roseband</i>. There spoke the Christian and -Man of sound Understanding——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Pshaw! P—x! What have we -Fox-hunters to do with sound Understandings?——Give -me a sound Bottom, Parson, -and you are welcome to keep your Christianity -and sound Understanding for your -next <i>Christmas</i> Conversation. Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Right, Mr. <i>Overall</i>; I say a sound -Bottom too.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Come, Gentlemen, let the Toast -go round.——To all sound Bottoms—No -Affront, I hope, to any one here.——What -say’st thou, honest <i>Blunt</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I say, the Vicar need not make -those d——d wry Faces at Toasting the best -Thing in Nature.——You have been paying -Homage for twenty Years to a <i>Broadbottom</i>, -and now winch at the naming a <i>Sound</i> one.——Ah! -Mr. <i>Roseband</i>; the <i>Jesuit</i> sticks -to the Cloth in <i>England</i> as at <i>Rome</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smoothwell</i>. Why so, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>? The -Words <i>Sound Bottom</i> convey an Idea which -Mr. <i>Roseband</i> might wish not to conceive.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And pray, good Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, -what is there of indecent or unseemly in the -Idea conceived at the mention of those two -harmless Words, <i>Sound</i> and <i>Bottom</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_3'>3</span><i>Over</i>. Wou’d a reverend Divine wish to -be put in Mind of the Days of his Youth? -Ha, ha!—— Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, had you been bred -at <i>Oxford</i>, as the Doctor was, you wou’d -have known that all are not <i>Sound</i> that grace -<i>Magdalen</i> Walks on a Summer’s Evening. -Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, you must not -mind the Fox-hunter; you know his Way; -he treats his Friends as freely as he wishes -they would treat him.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. I believe so, Sir <i>John</i>, and therefore -am in full Charity with Mr. <i>Overall</i>. But -I can’t so readily digest my Neighbour -<i>Blunt</i>’s coupling the <i>English</i> Vicar with the -<i>Romish</i> Jesuit.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. In their Politics only; as for Religion, -I leave that to the great Searcher of -Hearts.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Ah, dear <i>Blunt</i>! how many modern -Hearts will bear a Search?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Ask Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>; he was -last at Court.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I was so, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, but you -know I am but a late Comer there.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Perhaps it had been as well for -yourself and your Country, if you had not -come there at all.—— You’ll excuse my -Bluntness, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, you know I -speak freely to those I wish well.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I know your Worth, and thank -you for your Freedom.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_4'>4</span><i>Blunt</i>. I hope you do, because I mean to -continue and deserve your Friendship, if -you continue your Country’s Friend at -Court.——To be plain with you, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -I am not altogether reconciled to -the critical <i>Time</i> and <i>Manner</i> of your going -to Court. ’tis an infectious Air, against -which <i>Abstinence</i> alone is the Specific.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. ’Sflesh! <i>Blunt</i>, you don’t expect -your late worthy Member, who so often -cram’d your Brother Aldermen and yourself -with Ham and Chicken, would keep Lent -at Court?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Let him but abstain from entering -into any Covenants, and he may swill -as much as he will of his Majesty’s Old-Hock.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Covenants! What Covenants do -you suppose, should be expected from me?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. The direct contrary of those you -entered into with our Corporation at your -last Election.——Perhaps, you forget them.——Shall -I refresh your Memory?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. You need not. I am come down to -make you fresh Assurances of serving my -Country to the utmost of my Power.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I know you are come down to be -re-elected; and that this Company have -been invited here to-day, to receive your -Excuses for your late Acceptance of an Employment.—</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_5'>5</span><i>Smooth</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, your Corporation -could not expect that their Representative -would never accept of a Place under the -Crown; therefore what Excuses has the -Gentleman to make?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. More, I fear, than you can make -for him with all your Quirks of Law. -If he accepted of a Post without any Salvo, -and forgets that he has a Post whenever he is -to vote in Parliament, I will then say that -he needs not make Excuses for going to -Court.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Ay, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, provided my -worthy Neighbour, <i>Broadbottom</i>, turns not -a mere <i>Courtier</i>, by going to Court, he -shall have all our Consents to stay at Court -and rise there.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. A Man may rise in the Army and -Navy, and meritoriously; but what dirty -Work must a Man trudge thro’ to rise at -Court?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why should a Man be obliged to -do more servile Work at Court than in the -Church, where we see the Learned and Pious -rise, and are translated every Day?——I -expect my good Friend here, Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, -to rise to a Deanery soon, now his -Patron has taken a Stride to Court.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And shou’d Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i> -rise at Court, as I doubt not he will if he continues -there longer than the present Session -of Parliament; why might not my reverend -<span class='pageno' id='Page_6'>6</span>Neighbour here, rise from the Deanery to -a Mitre?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, you have been always my -Friend; so have you Mr. <i>Blunt</i>. Gentlemen, -you are all of you my Friends, and as such—have -a Right to examine my late Conduct. -I have accepted of a Place, ’tis true, without -consulting you; but hope in so doing, -not to have forfeited the good Opinion -which I flatter myself you always entertain’d -of me.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Since we are, and you think -us your Friends, ’tis fit we should deal with -you like Friends. To be plain with you, -Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, we here in the Country, -who wish well to our King and the Nation, -think ourselves justify’d in conceiving a -Jealousy of the Nature, Time and Manner -of the late or rather the present Change in -the Ministry. I will explain myself.—— ’tis -not so properly a <i>Change</i> of, as an <i>Ingraftment</i> -upon the Ministry. Supposing -the few of your Party that are brought <i>in</i>, -were to continue as honest and sincere, as -those <i>Deserters</i>, who made room for them, -were disingenuous and self-interested; what -can you do against Numbers? What Success -can poor <i>England</i> expect from the Endeavours -of so few?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Sir <i>John</i>, you forget that -the Opposition grew.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_7'>7</span>Sir <i>John</i>. No, Sir, I don’t forget that -Opposition founded on virtuous Principles -will always grow. But what <i>Opposition</i> -can you expect to grow in a Court? You -late Comers there are but the Tail of the -Administration. Can you direct the Head -and Body? Must it not move as they direct, -or be lopt off? What will Opposition in -Council avail, where the Majority will be -so great against you? And as for Opposition -in P——t, there will be none, there -can be none. The late <i>Deserters</i>, who are -now flung out, should they grumble and -oppose, no Creature living will adhere to -them that has a Drachm of either Sense or -Virtue. And by the present Scheme, you -who were late Leaders of Opposition, are -taken off, and consequently all Opposition -ceases. I wish I may be mistaken; but, -methinks, I see a Scheme, and the artfullest -and deepest that ever was laid in this -Nation, now put in Execution.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. How, Sir <i>John</i>! a Scheme deeper -than the <i>Excise</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Or last Year’s <i>Invasion</i>, which -produced such Chearfulness in granting more -Millions than ever were granted in any one -Session before?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Or the late Sir <i>R——t</i>’s Scheme -for securing his own Retreat?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Retreat! Do you think it a Retreat -for a Man to quit the Stage to go behind -<span class='pageno' id='Page_8'>8</span>the Curtain, where he sets all the Puppets -in Motion?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. He does so; and this is not -the least Adroit of his Motions. All the -present Ministry, the late small <i>Engraftment</i> -excepted, are his known Creatures. -They were most of them of his own bringing -up, and of course act by his Directions.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Sir <i>John</i>, how shall we be -affected by his Motions? I hope you don’t -suppose he will be able to influence us -New comers, as you call us, however he -may direct his Pupils.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I hope he won’t; but I’ll answer -for it, he does not now matter whether -he can or no. He has lull’d you into a -Stupor, and having unperceptibly depriv’d -you of your Sting, you are no longer the -terrible Men you appeared to the Court -some time ago.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. They are now become the <i>Drones</i> -of the Hive; ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. They are really no better. Pardon -me, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, if I think the -Epithet fits all you who are brought in to -countenance Measures the Nation disapproves -of——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. To colour an ignominious Peace, -which is thought to be on the Anvil, because -the late Conduct of our Superiors renders -a Peace of any kind absolutely necessary.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span><i>Over</i>. And to be kick’d out again as soon -as those dirty Ends are answered, which -they were introduc’d to promote: Gad, -Brother Foxhunter, I should not care to be -<i>rump’d</i> after I had said <i>yea</i> and <i>nay</i> as directed. -You see what End the late Patriot -<i>Pretenders</i> are come to. —— Z—ns Man! -fall not, like those Coxcombs, ’tween two -Stools.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. There lies the Depth of the -present Scheme, which is but the second -Part of the late. The late <i>Deserters</i>, as -they are justly call’d, saw not that they -were digging Pits for themselves, while they -were bargaining to drop their Party for -Places at Court. What better, Mr <i>Broadbottom</i>, -have you been lately doing for yourself? -If you answer the <i>Purpose</i> of your -being taken into the Ministry, supposing it -disagreeable to the Nation, you are irrecoverably -lost in the Opinion of all who -esteem’d you before; and of consequence -will be no better than a Drone all your -Life long.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Pray, Sir <i>John</i>, why will you -suppose the <i>Purpose</i> of the Ministry to be -disagreeable to the Nation?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Because I have known in my -Time but very few, if any Ministerial -<i>Purposes</i> that deserv’d public Approbation.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. You would not have us be against -<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>the Continuance of the War, till an honourable -Peace can be obtain’d?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Nor against the Support of the -War while it continues.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Nor against such a Peace, as the -Success of the War may intitle us to.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. So! the Lessons are already put -by Heart.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why not? you forget how apt -Lawyers and Divines are to learn. Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And Patriots too, when once they -creep within the Palace Gates.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, I am well acquainted -with the Uprightness of your Heart. -You love me, and therefore fear I am to -be deluded from my Duty to my Country -by the Allurements of a Post. But let me -intreat my Friends to suppress their Fears -till the End of the Session.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I should not wonder by the End of -the present Session, or at least before the Beginning -of the next, to see you and your Brethren -reduced to your primitive Nakedness. -Of what Use can you be, after you grant -all the Court wants, and reject or throw -cold Water on every Motion for the Benefit -of the Nation?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Motion for the Benefit of the -Nation, said you! Who will make such a -Motion? Or if made, who will support it? -Neighbour <i>Blunt</i>, I don’t wonder that -you, who never sat in Parliament, should -<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>mistake the Nature of <i>Motions</i> made there; -but I, who represented your Borough in -my younger Days, am able from my Experience -to inform you, that no important -<i>Motion</i> of public Benefit will be made this -Session; or, if fortuitously made, will be -seconded. The different Parties in the -House, and Parties with different Views -there always were and will be, are led by a -<i>few</i>, who may be said to direct all the -Operations of the Session. Among that <i>few</i>, -there is generally some one or two who are -permitted to take the Lead in all Deliberations, -and from thence may be said to -direct the whole. Supposing then that the -Court should find means to take off not -only that <i>one</i>, or those <i>two</i> or <i>three</i>, but -all the Chiefs or Directors of an Opposition -at the Beginning of a Session, how can it -be expected that any Motions of Moment -will be made? or, as I said before, if made -will be seconded? All Motions to be made, -that are of consequence, are first projected -by the Leaders, and communicated and recommended -at their private Meetings and -Clubs. But strip the Party of such Leaders, -before they have Time to make, or -even resolve on a new Choice of Chiefs, and -there is an End of all such necessary and -usual Communications and Recommendations, -and probably of the very Meetings -antecedent to them. In time, a new Set -<span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span>of Leaders may arise, but there must be -Proof of their Truth and Abilities before -they can acquire the necessary Confidence; -and such Proof is not produced hastily.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Right, old Sportsman. It must -be <i>Truth</i> and <i>Time</i> that acquire the Captains -of Foxhounds the Confidence of the -Pack.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Mr. <i>Overall</i>, you might have -spared your Comparison of Foxhounds and -Members of Parliament.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Nor is Sir <i>John</i>’s Doctrine of <i>Motions</i> -less seasonable or pertinent.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Decent Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, and you -cautious Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, when are apt Comparisons -to be made or necessary, and seasonable -Truths to be spoken, unless it be -on such an Occasion, and at such a Time -as the present?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. See how these Law-and-Gospel-Mongers -would debar a Freeborn from the -Privilege of expostulating with the Man to -whom he is going to delegate his Life, -Liberty and Fortune!—— Z—ds, <i>Broadbottom</i>, -sure you are not already become so -rank a Courtier, as to have retained the -Vicar of your Parish, and the Steward of -your Manors, to padlock the friendly Lips -of your plain and upright Neighbours?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Far be it from me to endeavour -preventing the Expostulations of my Friends. -I have always asked the Opinion of my -<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>Constituents in all Matters of Moment, -since I have been in Parliament, and hope -they will admit that I have not misused -the Trust committed to me.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Sir, we believ’d you a true -<i>Englishman</i>; at least, let me speak for myself, -I did so, or I had not given you so -often my Vote and Interest to represent -your Country in Parliament: And I confess, -that by all that appears, you have -honourably discharged the Trust reposed in -you. But, Sir, the good Opinion I have -had of you, and even that which I entertain -of you at present, are no such Securities -for your future Conduct, considering -the present State of Affairs, as should efface -all Traces of Doubt and Jealousy out of -my Mind. You are a Man, and as such, -are not exempt from <i>Selfishness</i>, a Passion -which Ministers never fail to sooth and -gratify. I may believe you mean well; -but can’t help dreading your suffering -yourself to be <i>sweeten’d</i> from your good -Intentions.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, your Concern for my -future Conduct speaks the Sincerity of your -Friendship, and I am therefore the more oblig’d -to you. But methinks the known -Probity and Honour of those Men we join -in the Administration might lay your -Doubts and Jealousies concerning my Behaviour -for the Time to come.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>Sir <i>John</i>. I have nothing to do with the -private <i>Probity</i> and <i>Honour</i> of any Gentleman; -but, Sir, if you expect I should -think as favourably of those that have lately -invited you to associate with them, as -you seem to do, you are grossly mistaken. -You differ in Opinion concerning those -Gentlemen, whom you now seem to applaud, -not only with me, but with yourself. -What have those <i>most deserving Men</i> done of -late to acquire your good Opinion? It was but -just before you went up to the first Meeting -of the present Session, that you heartily -joined Mr. <i>Blunt</i> and myself, in condemning -the <i>Passiveness</i> of all those whom you -now associate with and praise. What have -they done for the Public since, or ever before, -that should endear them to you or -any true <i>Englishman</i>? Was Sir <i>R—— W——</i>’s -whole Administration obnoxious to the Majority -of the Nation? was it injurious to -all? did not those you now are <i>grafted</i> -upon, concur with him in all his Measures? -were they not most of them, the Creatures -of his Power? were not the chief of -them his Pupils, train’d up in all his Arts -and Wiles? are they not of his rearing? -are they not distinguishable at this very -Hour by his Stamp?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. By this Scheme of <i>Ingraftment</i> it -plainly appears, that if they don’t wear -<span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>his Livery in View, they wear it under their -upper Garments.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. So that Sir <i>Brass</i>, like his Employer, -still has his cloven Foot in all our -Affairs.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. As sure as this new-devised <i>Ingraftment</i> -will ruin all our <i>Affairs</i>, unless -the <i>Projector</i> and his <i>Disciples</i> will be so -humble as to submit to be led by the Few -they have called in to help steer the Bark -in a Storm.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And what was it but their own -servile <i>Passiveness</i> that had occasion’d the -<i>Storm</i> which they now endeavour to quell -by the Help of Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i> and his Brethren -in the late Opposition? What could -the late fallen <i>Minister</i>, of whom they -affect to complain as the Author of all our -Calamities; what could that <i>Phaeton</i>, I say, -have done, had he not been supported by -those who now affect to quit rather than -draw with him? Had not they the Power -of the <i>Purse</i>? had not they in that and every -other Respect, the Means of tying up that -<i>Adventurer</i>’s Hands from hurting his Country, -if they would? Yes, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -those Men you now venerate so much, had -the <i>Power</i>, but they wanted the <i>Will</i>. And -what was it but that fundamental, primary -Ingredient in the Composition of some Men, -<i>Selfishness</i>, which induced those Men to -misuse the Power they then had?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span><i>Rose</i>. By your Leave, Sir <i>John</i>, tho’ the -late Minister, the <i>Phaeton</i>, as you call him, -may have misused his Power; I don’t see -why these Gentlemen who <i>remain</i> in the -Administration should be involved in his -Guilt.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Smoke the Parson, Gentlemen; -mind how cautiously he treads on <i>Jack’s</i> -Heels.——<i>May have misused his Power!</i> -How gently he touches the Sore! Then -again, the charitable <i>Man can’t see the least -Speck of Gall</i> in the <i>Doves</i> that have thrust -<i>Jack</i> from the <i>Barn Door</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Ah! Mr. <i>Overall</i>, that <i>Barn</i> has -made many an honest Man otherwise.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I don’t think it so, Mr. Mayor; -a Man truly Honest is no more to be corrupted -than a Woman truly Chast. But as it -is she only who is a Whore in her Heart -that can be defiled, so is it he only who is -a Rogue in his Heart, that can be warped -from his Integrity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Gad, Sir <i>John</i>, I should be glad -to know where your <i>truly Honest</i> Men and -<i>truly Chast</i> Ladies grow. For in my poor -Observation, I knew but one Man and one -Woman that truly deserved the Epithet.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Your Mother was the precious -Exception of one Sex.——Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. And his pious <i>Dad</i> the other.——Ha, -ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span><i>Over</i>. Neither; among the Men, <i>Jack</i> -the late M—r was the Exception, because -he was the only Minister that ever I heard -or read of, who had the <i>Honesty</i> to pretend -to <i>none</i>. And among the Fair, Madame -<i>V—te</i>, who held out till her H—d commanded -her and conducted her himself to -the Arms of her Lover.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Omnes</i>. Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I say nothing of the Aptness of -your Exception among the Fair; but really, -Mr. <i>Overall</i>, you have hit it off in regard -to the other Sex. The late M—r -was a Prodigy in his Way. I won’t say that -I ever knew a less virtuous Minister, but I -will, that I never knew one made less -Pretensions to Virtue.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. He courted Virtue as he did Applause.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And was he not the Honester, -for not pretending to that he resolved not to -practise, and for not courting that which -he knew he did not deserve? But what -better Pretensions have they, who, as my -Friend Mr. <i>Overall</i> terms it, thrust him -from the <i>Barn Door</i>, to either Virtue or -Applause? Did they not give a Sanction -to all his Measures? Were not they Partners -of his Guilt? And more, were they -not the Partners of his Predecessor’s Guilt? -Had the late Minister shewn less Contempt -for them; had he wore more the Appearance -<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>of Modesty, or had more Deference for -their Opinions; had he seem’d to draw with -them; had he not ingross’d solely to himself -the <i>Distribution</i> of the Court <i>Manna</i>: Had -he, in short, shared with his Fellow Ministers -the vast Emoluments arising from -the Distribution of the <i>Secret-Service</i> Money, -I fancy we should never have heard -of the present unnatural <i>Ingraftment</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Since you will have it an <i>Ingraftment</i> -rather than a <i>Coalition</i>, it shall be so; -but why should it be an unnatural <i>Ingraftment</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why indeed? Don’t we see <i>Non-pareilles</i> -and <i>Golden Pippins</i> daily grafted -on <i>Crabs</i>, and yet thrive? Ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Yes, Mr. <i>Overall</i>; because -they are all nourished by their common -Parent, the Earth; and the <i>Crab-Tree</i> is a -Channel only for the Nurture to pass thro’. -In this Case, the Earth, from whence both -Species receive Nourishment, remains pure -and uninfected; the <i>Crab</i> has no more Influence -than the <i>Pippin</i>. But can we suppose -the Parity will hold in the other Case? -The old <i>Standards</i> in the Administration -ingross the <i>Soil</i>: The <i>ingrafted Shoots</i> shall -have no more Communication with it, than -their elder Brethren shall be pleased to permit.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. I am sorry to see all Sir <i>John</i>’s Observations -tinctured with Uncharitableness. -<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>Why should the old <i>Standards</i>, as you call -those that remain of the late Ministry, infect -the Soil, by which I suppose the —— -is meant, any more than the <i>ingrafted Shoots</i> -or new Comers?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. The <i>new Comers</i>, for aught I -know, wou’d be as arrant Courtiers, as -supple Fawners in time, as the old <i>Standards</i> -themselves, had they equal Opportunity. But -my Life for’t, the <i>Ingrafted</i> will be kept -at Arms Length from the Royal Ear.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I hope not, Sir <i>John</i>; those we -join are Men of Honour; and they assure -us of going Hand in Hand with us——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. To raise the <i>Supplies</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. And screen Delinquents.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Will they join, think you, in -National Parsimony, in the Encouragement -of Trade and Industry, and the Discouragement -of Venality and Corruption? Will -they join in repealing those Laws which -affect <i>Freedom</i>, and in lessening the vast -Power accruing to the Crown from the -great Weight of our Debts and Taxes, by the -Distribution of civil Employments? Will -they join——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Yes, Sir <i>John</i>, in fleecing the Nation -to fill their own Pockets, and gratify -Mr. <i>Nameless</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. That same <i>Nameless</i> must have an -excellent <i>Digestion</i>; and sure his necessary -Woman must have golden Days of it; -<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>for without doubt, he who swallows so -much <i>Gold</i> must sh—t a great deal of the -Metal.—— But I forget that <i>H——</i> is the -<i>Close-stool</i>, where all the precious Excrement -centers.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And but <i>One</i>, on this Side the -Water, has a Key to that valuable Repository.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. For Cleanliness of Conversation, -commend me to you both, Gentlemen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. And for doubling and time-serving, -commend me to Gownsmen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Gentlemen, I intreat we may -live sociably together as usual. Let us not -give Way to Spleen or Ill-nature. Mr. -<i>Roseband</i> and Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i> happen at -this Time to be in a more charitable Disposition -than the rest of the Company. -But, I assure myself, you will be all of one -Opinion, when you see perfect <i>Concord</i> in -the Administration, and that <i>Union</i> directed -to promote publick Happiness.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I heartily -agree with you in the Banishment of Heat -and Sarcasm from our Conversation; but -can’t help dissenting from you in the other -Point. Without giving up my Reason, I -can’t reckon upon <i>Concord</i> between two -Sets of Men, as seemingly different in their -Views and Principles as can well be imagin’d. -By all that appears hitherto, you -lately <i>Ingrafted</i>, have acted on Principles -<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>the most honourable, and with Views the -most disinterested that ever Men did; -whereas the <i>old Standards</i> seem to have -no Views but to <i>Self-Interest</i>, nor Principles, -but such as are repugnant to <i>Patriotism</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. <i>Patriotism!</i> Ha, ha! Poor Wanderer! -Where has she taken up her Habitation, -since she was sent adrift by those -<i>Ingrafted</i> about two Years ago upon the -old Stock?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Patience. Mr. <i>Overall</i>, and you -shall see her perch’d on the joint Endeavours -of our mottley Ministry to save the -Nation.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. I hope you will, Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, tho’ -you speak it with a Sneer.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I heartily wish we may. But in -my Mind, the Coalition on which you -reckon so much, is as impracticable as -squaring the Circle, if you Gentlemen -newly <i>Ingrafted</i>, and <i>those</i> you are <i>Ingrafted</i> -on, <i>thought</i> as you <i>spoke</i> and <i>acted</i>, -and continue the same way of <i>thinking</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Have not you seen, that the late -<i>Ingrafted</i> had two Ways of <i>thinking</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. One fitted for the <i>Country</i>, the -other for the <i>Court</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Good Mr. Mayor, spare your -Friends, at least till you find them tripping.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>Sir <i>John</i>. For my Part, the whole Stress -of my Argument rests on a Supposition; -that both Parties of the Administration will -adhere to their native Principles and Way -of thinking. On this Supposition then where -can be the <i>Concord</i>, where the <i>Coalition</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Just where the Union would be -between Kites and Doves.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. But, my Fox-hunter, leaving -Concord and Union out of the Question, -when has it been seen, that spotless innocent -<i>Doves</i> have had the weak Complaisance -of associating with the crafty and -guilty <i>Kites</i>, on the first Offer of Friendship -and Cordiality?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Still, my worthy Magistrate, severe -upon your old Friends?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, call not that -Severity, which is the Result of Friendship. -I judge of Mr. <i>Blunt</i> by myself, who, -because I esteem you, fear you may be imposed -upon in the Step you have lately taken. You -could not but see that the Court made to -you, was the Effect rather of <i>Necessity</i> than -<i>Choice</i>. You must not be the Man of Penetration -I take you for, unless you saw -that you would be an unwelcome Guest -at C—t, and an unwelcome Companion -to those who invited you thither. In -such Circumstances, I should expect that -you, and those whom you have selected among -your Party to accompany you, wou’d -<span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span>insist upon such Terms for your Country, -as would endear you to your Countrymen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Sir <i>John</i>, would it become -us to insist on Terms, when none were -exacted from us?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. It not only would become you -to insist on such Terms as would be of public -Utility, but it was absolutely necessary -you shou’d, if you would maintain your -Character and serve your Country. You -<i>New Comers</i> are but a few, if compared to -those you are ingrafted on. They may, -and probably will out-argue, or rather out-vote -you, whenever you shall presume to -oppose their Measures; and should you -persist in your Opposition, they will thrust -you from the <i>Barn</i> for your Contumacy. -Such will be the best of your Case.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Best do you call it? Pray, Sir -<i>John</i>, what do you call the Worst of their -Case?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. To quit their own Principles, -and take up those of the old <i>Standards</i>. -In that Case they might think to mend -their own private Fortunes, but would most -certainly ruin their Country, and of course -would lose all Credit with their Countrymen.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But is it impossible for Men of -different Principles to meet each other half -Way, and agree in such Essentials as may -promote the general Good of the Community?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>Sir <i>John</i>. He who meets an Opponent -half way, recedes from his own Principles, -and embraces in part at least, those of -his Antagonist. Now if your <i>Principles</i> -were <i>sound</i>, and those of the <i>old Standards -unsound</i>, as we must believe from your -constant Opposition for the Time past; -how can you depart from yours, without -embracing <i>unsound</i> Principles? No, Sir, I -protest against half-way Meetings between -a Majority in <i>Power</i>, and a few, who, I’m -afraid, grasp too eagerly at a Shred, or rather -Shadow of that <i>Power</i>. The <i>Magnet</i> -is with the greater Number; pray Heaven, -it attracts not the smaller to it!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Why so desponding, Sir <i>John</i>, -you who were won’t to be the firmest Prop -of our Party Hopes?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. To be very serious, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -I apprehend we are in a wretched -Situation; and I see but one Means, by -which we may hope to better our Condition. -But I foresee that we sha’n’t have -the Wisdom or Virtue to pursue that only -Way. Notwithstanding the Groupe of Ills -we labour under; notwithstanding our -Necks are sore gall’d with the Yoke, I fear, -should the Time of procuring ourselves Ease -ever offer, Corruption will prevail, and -<i>Avarice</i> will chuse the Continuance of our -Woe. If we would expect such a thorough -Change of Measures as the Nation seem to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>wish for and require, can we hope for it from -the present Patch-work mingling of Hands?</p> - -<p class='c014'>The taking Gentlemen into the Administration, -who have distinguished themselves -by their Zeal for the Interests of their -Country, is not, I fear, designed to ease -the People, but to bring those Gentlemen -to bear a Share of the public Hatred and -Infamy, which the late M—rs have -incurr’d by the most flagitious Measures. -This must cause an irreparable Breach between -the Public and those now rever’d and -beloved Patriots; a Policy by which the -Projectors think, perhaps, they leave the -Flocks without Shepherds, and may at -Pleasure then prey upon the Folds. But -let me warn these Politicians, that it is not -always safe to leave an injur’d, oppress’d, -exasperated People without Leaders on -whose Probity they may depend. On the -other hand, let me warn our Patriots, that -as a Snare may have been laid for them, it -is their Business to take care they are not -taken in it. They have been the Hopes as -well as Darlings of their Country, and it -should be their Study at this critical Juncture -not to give Room for suspecting their Virtue. -In short, they should avoid becoming -themselves the Curse of their Country, or -countenancing those that have been so for -many Years.</p> - -<p class='c014'>The War for the Sake of <i>H——</i>, has been -carried on after a Manner so dishonourable, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>not to say infamous, and so expensive, that -the old <i>Standards</i>, for a Reason easily -pointed out, look upon a <i>Peace</i> to be absolutely -necessary. The Conduct of the -War will not suffer them to hope that equitable -Terms will be allow’d them; on -the other hand, they must be sensible, that -the People have a greater Regard to the -Honour of the Nation than to private Interest, -and will be against sheathing the -Sword, till the Blood of our foreign Enemies -has wash’d off the Stain fix’d on the -Glory of the Nation by her domestic Foes. -In this Dilemma they may think it the best, -indeed the only Expedient to cast the Burden -on the <i>Favourites</i> of the People. If -they accept of Peace on dishonourable -Terms, the late M—rs are acquitted; if -they reject it, any Misfortunes that may attend -the War will be intirely cast upon -them. In a Word, the Ministers have entangled -the Skein, and call upon the Patriots -to disentangle it, or share the Odium -of their Folly and Wickedness. They have -woven the <i>Gordian Knot</i>, and the Friends -of the People are to loose it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. We shall soon see who are the -Peoples Friends.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Can you have any Doubt concerning -them?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Were not those <i>Deserters</i> lately -thrust from the <i>Barn</i>, the Peoples Friends -too before they were <i>ingrafted</i> on the Ministry? -<span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>All are the Peoples Friends while -they are rising on the Shoulders of the People; -but when once they are up, away -goes the Scaffolding. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I -believe you are a Friend to the People, or -I would not support your last Election, or -your present Re-election; but if you would -convince us you are truly so, let us see -you heartily endeavouring to obtain something -for those willing People that have -drain’d their Vitals to comply with a C—t -and Ministry, and bore the Heat of the -Day. Restore us our <i>Triennial</i> Parliaments.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Or rather our Annual Parliaments, -which was the ancient Constitution. -But, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, let us have them -without <i>Purchase</i>. I understand the C—l -L—st is greatly incumber’d. I hope ’tis not -intended to clear it at the People’s Expence, -before the annual Produce of it be fairly -stated and known.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Can you expect to know any thing -the Court has a mind you should not, while -<i>Seven’s</i> the Main?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. No more <i>Septs</i> say I; I believe I -shall never love the Number <i>Seven</i> again, -as long as live.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. <i>Seven</i> or <i>Seventy</i> would be of -little Significancy in a Country and Age less -corrupt than ours. But considering the -present Depravity, I must confess that <i>septennial</i> -Parliaments afford Ministers more -Opportunity than I would willingly allow -<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>them, to put in Practice the Arts of the -Cabinet.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. If the Depravity be so great and -general as you represent it, how shall our -Condition be better’d by a Repeal of the -<i>septennial</i> Law? The Cabinet Arts, which -you so much apprehend, may be as well -practised on the <i>triennial</i> as <i>septennial</i> Servants -of the People.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. To prevent which, let us do as -our braver, honester <i>Popish</i> Ancestors did.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Ah! Mr. <i>Overall</i>! Your worthy -Father would not have been so liberal of -his Epithets to Papists.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Mr. <i>Roseband</i>, my Father loved -and rever’d Virtue wherever he found it. -And he blush’d not any more than I should, -to own that our Popish Ancestors had the -true Spirit of Patriotism, and that they left -us more valuable Blessings than we are like -to leave Posterity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. How, my Politician! Sha’n’t -we and Posterity too bask in Plenty, if we -do as you say our honester popish Ancestors -did? ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Pray, Mr. <i>Overall</i>, What are we to -do in imitation of our braver Ancestors? -ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. To <i>curse</i> the Ambitious and Corrupt.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Curse, Mr. <i>Overall</i>! Is it for -Christians to curse?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Is it for <i>Englishmen</i> to be bribed -<span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span>out of their Virtue? What are the Curses -you pronounce on <i>Ashwednesdays</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Mr. <i>Overall</i> means, I suppose, -the Anathema solemnly denounced in -the Reign of <i>Henry</i> III. by the Archbishop -of <i>Canterbury</i>, at the Head of the Barons -and other great Men of the Nation, against -all such as should directly or indirectly oppose -the Observance of the <i>two Charters</i>, -and those who should violate, diminish, or -alter in any Manner whatever the Laws and -Constitutions of the Kingdom.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. I do, Sir <i>John</i>; and the Method -I would propose should be, that the Members -of the Legislature, not excepting the -pious Lords the B—ps, on the Expiration -of the present Parliament, would meet in -<i>Westminster</i> Abbey, and there solemnly denounce, -by the Mouth of the Archbishop, -or, if some squeamish Puritans should object -to the Surplice, by the Mouths of the -Lord C—r and Sp—r, the bitterest -Curses against all who shall offer or accept a -Bribe at a new Election, directly or indirectly.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Or who shall accept of a Place -or Pension after he is elected, in order to -support the Measures of Evil Ministers, or -screen them.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. <i>Blunt</i>, let you and I draw up a -Form of the Anathema. I would ask the -Vicar, but that he says ’tis Antichristian, to -curse the Wicked. First then, <i>Cursed</i> be -he who offers any Bribe or Gratification to -<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>any Freeholder or Burgher to obtain his -Vote: <i>Cursed</i> be he who is an Instrument -to corrupt any who has a Right to give his -Vote for any Candidate to represent his -County or Borough: <i>Cursed</i> be he, who having -a Right to vote, shall be biass’d in his Voting -by any private Interest, Views, or Hopes: -<i>Cursed</i> be he who makes any unjust Returns -of Members; and may such Enemies of their -Country be <i>cursed</i> in themselves, their Wives -and Posterity, and in their Goods and Chattels; -may they themselves become the Butt -of public Scorn, Hatred and Contempt, -whilst living, and their Widows and Daughters -become common Prostitutes for Bread; -and may their Sons experience that <i>Slavery</i>, -which they would have brought upon their -Country; may their Herds and Flocks die -with the Murrain and Rot; may their -Lands become barren, and may their Memory -for ever stink in the Nostrils of all -honest Men and true <i>Britons</i>. Let all -here say, <i>Amen</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. See what it is to be a Foxhunter; -no other’s Lungs would have held out in -so long a Chase of useful Curses; ha, ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Why indeed, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -if Curses would cure the great Evil of <i>Corruption</i>, -they might be truly called <i>useful</i>. -But I am afraid the World is become too -cursed to be frighten’d by Curses from the -Commission of Evil. Therefore I would -have them restrain’d by some more coercive -<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>Means. And as the Repeal of the <i>Septennial</i> -Act, and effectual <i>Place</i> and <i>Pensions</i> -Bills, seem to bid fairest of any Means I -can think of, for removing the Gangreen -which preys upon the Vitals of our Constitution; -I should be glad to see the P—— -this very Session take them seriously into -Consideration. I hope they will, for the -good of Posterity and their own Honour. -And let me add, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, that I -hope it for yours, and your new <i>Ingrafted</i> -Brethren’s Sake, who must rise or sink with -the Publick, as these Points are dropt or -vigorously pushed and obtain’d. What is -it to the People who is <i>in</i> or <i>out</i> of Place, -if they receive no Benefit by the Change? -On the Contrary, a pretended Coalition -leaves them in a worse Condition than they -were before, as it deprives them of their -present Leaders, and a colourable Pretence -for Complaint. For won’t Courtiers be apt -to call that a wanton Complaint, which has -not the Sanction of the old Chiefs of the -People?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, as all who hear you, improve -by your Conversation; all who converse -with you, ought to pay a Deference -to your Opinions, which are generally well -founded. But tho’ I should admit that the -Points you contend for, would be of public -Utility; yet I believe you will admit likewise, -that there may be Seasons wherein it -would not be proper to press these Matters -<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>with too great Warmth. It would be ill-timing -the Embellishment or Repair of -a House, when the Chimney was on Fire. -The World at Home and Abroad is unsettled -and perplexed. We have Quarrels and -Parties——</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. We have so, and Taxes, Poverty, -and Corruption. And we have likewise -open, and who are more dangerous, -secret Enemies; at least, we have lukewarm -Friends.——This is no more than what -I dreaded, when I first heard how few of -the reputed Friends of the People were invited -to C—t. When I saw all the great -Offices of Trust continued in the old <i>Standards</i>, -I dreaded the Consequence of taking -a few of the Leaders of the People into -the subordinate Posts.——Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -I am sorry to tell you, that I dreaded you -would have learnt the Court <i>Catechise</i>, when -I heard you accepted of a Place before obtaining -such Points as the People contend -for, and are of absolute Necessity. Why -should it be unseasonable to restore us to -<i>triennial</i> Parliaments, and to secure Liberty -by effectual Place and Pension Bills? -What Ferment or Combustion is here at -Home, that should prevent or deter the -Friends of our Constitution from seeking its -immediate Repair, where it has been weakened -by either Time or Art? What have -the Broils of <i>Germany</i> to do with the <i>British</i> -Constitution?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>The World, you say, is unsettled and -perplexed abroad, and we have Quarrels -and Parties at Home. Granted; and who -are accountable for the Perplexities on the -Continent and the Parties here at Home? -Not the People, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, whose -Contentment you would postpone to a more -seasonable Opportunity. I should be glad -to know the ministerial <i>Seasons</i> for doing -public Justice. We have had a long Interval -of Peace since the passing the <i>Septennial</i> -Law, yet our Ministers never -thought it <i>seasonable</i> to suffer it to be -repealed. The Ministers, Sir, I mean the -<i>B——h</i> Ministers, and not the <i>B——h</i> -Nation, have been principally and primarily -Authors of the Broils on the Continent; -and our Fewds at Home are no less -owing to them.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. How, Sir <i>John</i>, will you place -the Ambition of <i>France</i>, the Perfidy of -<i>P——a</i>, and the Inaction of <i>Holland</i>, to -the Account of our Ministers?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I will, and with the strictest -Justice.——<i>France</i> had not dared to attempt -gratifying her Ambition, nor <i>P——</i> -to support <i>France</i>, or <i>Holland</i> to look on, -if a Foreign Interest did not biass <i>B——h</i> -Ministers from the true Interest of their -Country. To sum up all in one Word, -<i>H——</i> is accountable for all the Perplexities -on the Continent, and all our Fewds at -<span class='pageno' id='Page_34'>34</span>Home.——But what Fewds or Quarrels can -be apprehended after so hopeful a <i>Coalition</i> -as the present? When shall <i>Britons</i> expect -Relief, unless when the <i>best Men of -all Parties</i>, according to one of our Patriot -Writers, have the Power and Direction -of public Affairs?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. We are only accountable for our -own Conduct; and as we are but a few—</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I dread you may be biassed -by the Majority. Why should you agree -to come into the Support of a tottering -M——y before you had secured such a Share -of Power as would enable you to change -Measures obnoxious and injurious to the -People? Why would you come in without -securing a Moiety at least, of the great -Offices of Trust, such as first C—— of -the T——y, S——y of S——, and P——t -of the C——t, <i>&c. &c</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Faith now, Sir <i>John</i>, that would -be keeping Gentlemen to d—d hard Meat. -What, not allow Men to stoop at small -Game, that have been beating about for -many Years in vain? Pshaw! Gad! ’tis -quite ungenteel and unconscionable.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. My Quarrel is not to the -Gentlemen’s Humility, but to their Want -of Prudence. Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I hope, will -pardon the Expression.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_35'>35</span><i>Broad</i>. With all my Heart. Sir <i>John -Probeum</i> can say nothing, because I am sure -he means not, to offend me.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Sir, you do me but Justice; I -intend an Affront to no Man, much less to -you, whom I have always esteemed.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. And of whom you shall have -no Cause to alter your good Opinion.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I hope not, tho’ I cannot so -readily digest your <i>Seasons</i> for redressing the -People’s Grievances.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. <i>Times</i> and <i>Seasons</i> were Cant -Words with the late <i>Deserters</i>, as soon as -the People expected they would act according -to their Professions.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Ha, ha! Courtiers act up to their -Professions! Ha, ha! What a Solecism wou’d -that be? Why Man, you forget that <i>Double</i> -and <i>John</i>, and <i>Long Bib</i>, and <i>Dismal</i>, and -the Rest of that precious deserting Gang -were become <i>Courtiers</i>, when they found -out that it was unseasonable to weaken the -Ministerial Power, and strengthen that of -the People.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Experience, they say, is the -Mother of Wisdom; but I am sorry we <i>Englishmen</i> -are seldom instructed by that sagacious -Lady. I have lived to see the -People deluded and injured by those whom -they themselves had screw’d up into Power; -and I have seen them receiving those very -<span class='pageno' id='Page_36'>36</span><i>Deluders</i> a second and third Time into -their Favour.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. A Proof of their Lenity and Good-nature, -Sir <i>John</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Of their Stupidity rather. I -am bound to forgive an Enemy, but know -of no Injunction human or divine, that enjoins -me to trust that Enemy a second -Time, and put the Snake in my Bosom.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, you shall never have -Cause for making the Application here. If -I can’t serve with Honour, I am a free -Agent, and shall make use of the Freedom -I was born to. I will fling up my P—— -the Moment I find I can’t keep it consistent -with my Duty to my Country.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. There spoke the Genius of old -<i>England</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Like that <i>noble</i> Patriot, who flung -up not long since, that he might not share -in the Guilt and Odium of the Company -he kept.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. And that noble Patriot is heartily -with us in the present Change. I hope -you will think that his Presence should be -enough to keep us all in Countenance.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. There is not a Man alive has -a better Opinion of that great Man than -myself; but shou’d he tell me of <i>Times</i> and -<i>Seasons</i> for redressing Grievances, I should -alter my Opinion of him, and think him -<span class='pageno' id='Page_37'>37</span>infected by the Air of the C—t. But -that Patriot <i>Englishman</i> is uncapable of so -great Baseness and Folly. He knows that -War Time is the properest for enquiring into -the Misconduct of the War; and I hope -for that Reason, he and all his Friends will -encourage an Inquiry into the Miscarriage at -<i>Carthagena</i>, and into the more dishonourable -Misconduct last Year at the <i>Hieres</i>. I -hope likewise he and you will promote a -strict Inspection into the Management of -our Land War.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. You mean the <i>H—n</i> War. I -am sure we are no otherwise concerned in -it, than to have the Honour of defraying its -Expence.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Be our Concern what it will, -it ought to have been managed with some -Decency, if not with Vigour and Prudence. -But ever since the Commencement, it has -been carried on ingloriously for the Nation, -and scandalously for those who had the Conduct -of it. And should such wrong-headed -or corrupt Agents go unpunish’d or unexamin’d -at least, it will be setting such an -Example of national <i>Lenity</i>, as may prove -fatal in the Day of Necessity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. National <i>Lenity</i>! Ah, Sir <i>John</i>, -you were wont to call Things by their right -Names—— What shall we call the <i>Lenity</i> -shewn to the late Arch-delinquent?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_38'>38</span><i>Over</i>. The Duce! what would the Man -have; was not there a S—t C—ee -appointed?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Yes; and the very little which -that C—ee was pleas’d to publish concerning -that Arch-spoiler of his Country, -proves that they ought to have proceeded -further.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Dear <i>Broadbottom</i>, let us have no -C—ees at all, unless you have the <i>Will</i> -and <i>Power</i> to sift Things to the Bottom: -For it is but tantalizing a Nation to pretend -doing them Justice, and never intend any.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. ’tis encouraging public Venality -and Corruption. But C—ees are pretty -<i>Tubs</i>, too often thrown out to amuse the -People.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. What Pity ’tis to abuse the -Credulity of the best natur’d People in the -World!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, you may praise their -good Nature as much as you please; but, -Gad! I say they are the veriest Oafs in -Christendom. Z—ds! that a People should -be so d—n’d stupid as to delegate their -Power again and again; nay, a Power too -over their Lives and Fortunes, to Men who -had done them repeated Injuries, and of -whom they had made repeated Complaints. -They complain’d of the <i>Septennial</i> as a -grievous Imposition; yet the very next Opportunity -<span class='pageno' id='Page_39'>39</span>chose those very Men that had so -grossly imposed upon them.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Was it not the same in regard to -the <i>Excise-Scheme</i> and the <i>Convention</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. The <i>H—r</i> Troops, and the <i>&c. &c</i>. -to the End of a Chapter as long as the -Book of Homilies.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. But, Gentlemen, don’t you forget -to season your Account of the People’s -<i>Folly</i> with a certain native Spice called -<i>Knavery</i>, or in other Words, <i>Self-interest</i>, -which, according to Sir <i>John</i>, is the primary -fundamental Ingredient in the Composition -of most Men? Did not these injur’d -complaining People bring their Suffrages -to Market overt, where the best Bidder -was sure to have them?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. The Fact, I am afraid, is but -too true: And at the same Time that it -proves the Corruption of the People, it -proves likewise the Necessity of an immediate -Remedy. Had those scandalous Marts -for the Sale of <i>B—sh</i> Liberty been more -common; had they been <i>annual</i>, or even -<i>triennial</i>, the M—rs would not find their -Account in the frequent Expence; nay, -they could not support it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Yet necessary as the immediate -Application of this Specific is, you shall see it -postponed to more pacific <i>Times</i>, and gentler -<i>Seasons</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_40'>40</span><i>Smooth</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, tho’ you speak thus -in Derision, yet if you reflect with Seriousness, -the Delay of a Remedy so extraordinary -as the Repeal of the <i>Septennial</i> is, till -after the War, will not seem so unmeet to -you as it appears at present.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Dost think the <i>Repeal</i> would abate -the Courage of our Soldiers and Seamen, -and raise that of the Enemy? Dost -think it would pall the Appetites of those -greedy <i>Germans</i>, that now and long have -done us the Honour to receive <i>Subsidies</i> -from us? Wou’d the Queen of <i>Hungary</i> -and King of <i>Sardinia</i> receive <i>English</i> -Money the less freely; or defend their own -Territories the less carefully, if <i>general Content</i> -should be spread throughout this Island, -powerful as much or more by the Union of -its Inhabitants, as by their Bravery and -Wealth? Would our good Allies the <i>Dutch</i> -be deafer to our Intreaties, or slower in their -Motions than they have been of late, should -they see the very <i>Fountain</i> of our Corruption -and Venality dry’d up by a Legislative -Spunge?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Would our A—ls and G—ls -have less Sense, Experience, Courage and -Honesty, if they were to go to <i>Market</i> -with their <i>Bank-bills</i>, but every <i>Third -Year</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. You forget that your favourite -<span class='pageno' id='Page_41'>41</span>A—l was lately courted at many <i>Markets</i> -without the Aid of Bank-bills.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. No, Sir; I don’t forget that his -Merit had endeared him to the People, and -render’d him hateful to—— Mi-Mi—Mi—Ministers.—’Sflesh! -I thought I could never -keep down another <i>Word</i> which would -force itself in the room of Ministers.—— But -enough of that. No, Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, I -forget not that that gallant, honest Man has -not been thought of in the present Change, -tho’ his Valour, Experience, Probity, and -good Sense, can’t be called in question.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Truly I wonder’d when I saw -not his Name among the List of C—rs of -a certain Board.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. There are certain <i>Prejudices</i>, -which, in Prudence, we were obliged to -overlook when we could not surmount -them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I don’t at all question but -there was a <i>Prejudice</i> to you <i>all</i>; but -when you were able to conquer that which -was always supposed to be conceived against -you personally, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, I should -not wonder you could surmount all Prejudice -whatever.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Pr’ythee, <i>Bottom</i>, how came it -practicable to ram one of your <i>uncommon -Size</i>, down the narrow squeamish Throat -of ——? again, another <i>Word</i> would intrude -on the Word Ministers.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_42'>42</span><i>Blunt</i>. I’ll tell thee; to take away from -us all our Props; to strip us of our Leaders; -in short, to leave no Speaker or Man -of known Merit behind—</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I fear that was Part of the -Plan; and if so, we are undone, unless we -are saved by the Virtue and Steadiness of -those whom the People have confided in all -along, and rais’d at last.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. You need not fear them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I would not willingly suspect -Men, who owe more to their Constituents, -than those they have all along opposed. On -a Supposition that these had purchas’d, no -matter how infamously, they assum’d a -Sort of Right to reimburse themselves at -the Expence of the Venders. But you <i>Patriots</i> -have no such colourable Claim for -disserving those who spontaneously chose -you their Attornies with no private Views -in the World, or any Views but such as tend -to the Good of the Community in general.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Gad, my dear <i>Broady</i>, you ought -to be doubly cursed, nay doubly d—n’d, -should you not earnestly and truly serve -those that had gratuitously vested you with -ample Power over their Persons, Lands, -Goods, Chattels, Wives and Bairns.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. And Hounds and Hunters; ha, -ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_43'>43</span><i>Blunt</i>. And Tythes and Dues, my laughing -Vicar—Is the <i>Liberty</i> of a free People a -fit Subject for Laughter? Is not our All at -Stake at this critical Juncture? Should -those who have been always our reputed -Friends, <i>join</i> with those who were always -deem’d our Enemies, what shall become of -us? What shall we do?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. I’ll tell you; <i>unite</i>, and join against -both.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I should not wonder if a general -<i>Union</i> against all secret and open Enemies -would be the Consequence of any -signal Misconduct or Defection in those lately -<i>ingrafted</i>. For after such repeated Experience -as the People have had of the -Power of C—— <i>Infection</i>, it may be expected -they would go greater Lengths than -might be agreeable to the Authors of their -Despair. ’tis dangerous to push a sensible -People too far.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Pshaw! brag not too much of -your Sensibility, I beseech you, after such -Provocations as you have had since the <i>Septennial</i> -Y——e has been upon your Necks. -Gad! they are as tame as my <i>Chesnut</i> after -a Morning’s Chase.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. They are observant of the Laws, -and I hope they will always continue so.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. ’Sbud! you wou’dn’t have us -keep Measures with <i>Renegadoes</i> and <i>Promise-breakers</i>?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_44'>44</span>Sir <i>John</i>. No; but I am for no Measure -that exceeds legal Bounds.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Z—ds Man! you don’t think I -would advise the knocking such <i>Recreants</i> -in the Head without Judge or Jury, tho’ -they would merit the worst of Deaths. No; -I would not touch a Hair of their Heads; -but d—n me if ever that Man should -have my Friendship or Vote again, who -should once break public <i>Faith</i> with me.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Right, my worthy ’Squire—— Oh! -how solemnly have we been promis’d a Redress -of all our Grievances as soon as our -<i>Idols</i> should come into the Administration!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. <i>Idols</i>! Mr. Mayor.——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Ay, Doctor; such, and worse, if -possible, are all those useless insignificant -Men, that fawn, flatter and promise, to arrive -at the Summit of their Ambition, and -forget all they had promised as soon as their -Turn is served.—Idols! Mr. <i>Roseband</i>; yes, -Sir, I would call our Patriots so to their -Faces, and even Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i> himself, -whom I always lov’d and serv’d, should the -Redress of our Grievances be postpon’d. -Tame and gull’d as we awkward Country -Putts have been; stupid as we are thought -to be, we can feel, and even see when we -are play’d off. Let the Legerdemain be -never so dextrous, believe me, we can see -through it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_45'>45</span><i>Over</i>. We don’t forget how Sir <i>Bob</i> used -to fly thro’ the Hoops, when he was press’d -hard. He wou’d shift the Pack off his -own, to cast it on <i>nobler</i> Shoulders.——The -Cheat is stale, it won’t pass now.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. It won’t indeed. We know very -well what it means to have a Thing go -thro’ glibly below, when it is settled before -hand, that it shall be stifled in its Flight. -Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, you know my Meaning; -and you know too what you have often -promised, if ever you should come into -Play, that you would promote the use of -<i>Tacking</i>, when nothing else would do.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. I am sorry that the Head of a -considerable Corporation, should give so -great Room for suspecting his Loyalty, as -to wish for the postponing the <i>Supplies</i> in -time of War.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I am more sorry to see a Principal -of any Corporation, a Sycophant, and -Time-server. Mr. <i>Smoothwell</i>, you may or -may not excuse my plain Dealing, as you -please. Pray Sir, why might not the <i>Redress</i> -go Hand in Hand with the <i>Supply</i>? Is -a Million the less a Million for being wrapt -up in the same Paper or Parchment with a -<i>Triennial</i>, or effectual Place and <i>Pension</i> -Bills? Might not Votes of <i>Credit</i> and Votes -of <i>Inquiry</i> be very naturally blended together? -Would it swell the public Debts, if -<span class='pageno' id='Page_46'>46</span>a secret and special C——ee were appointed -to inspect the <i>Debts</i> of the Nation?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. And the <i>State</i> of the Nation -too, Mr. Mayor. I have always lamented -the Want of such a C——ee. It could -not fail, if well chosen, to answer every -good End proposed by a National Enquiry.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Brave, upright old Man! have you -not seen <i>Pharsalia</i>? What have we got by -the late E——y into dextrous <i>Bob</i>’s Conduct?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. A <i>Proof</i> that he ought to be shorten’d -by the——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. And pray, how would you have -those <i>worthy Men</i> serv’d, who condescended -to let us have a Sight of that precious -<i>Half-proof</i>, and not an Inch farther?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. As they deserved——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Mum for that——Gad! <i>Blunt</i>, I -thought you too sincere for Caution and Circumspection.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. As much as to say, you thought his -Worship no wiser than he shou’d be. Ha, -ha!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. As much as I should think a Time-server -to be an honest Man.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Heed him not, Mr. <i>Overall</i>, he -would set you and I together by the Ears, -but he shan’t have his Ends. (<i>Looking on his -Watch</i>.) Bless us! how insensibly Time -passes in good Company.—Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, -<span class='pageno' id='Page_47'>47</span>at what Hour shall we meet in the -Town-Hall? the sooner the better, for fear -of Accidents.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Of Opposition, you mean——I -have heard of no new Candidate.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I hope there will be no Candidate -but yourself; and tho’ I believe you’ll -meet with no Opposition, expect not to be -re-elected without Bustle and Murmur. -The Freemen are not quite pleased with your -late Conduct. They think you, and some -others, have been too hasty and partial in -your Distribution of Places——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. They quite mistake the Thing, -the <i>Distribution</i> was not of our making.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I am sorry to hear of so shameful -an Error. Were you sensible of the -<i>Necessity</i> some Men were driven to; and of -your own <i>Usefulness</i>, and yet have no Share -in the Settlement of the main Article of -the Coalition? I wish you may not live to -repent you of your Indolence or Timidity.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Timidity! Sir <i>John</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Yes, in Truth. I am not -afraid to tell you, that you betrayed either -too much <i>Timidity</i>, or too strong an Appetite -for Employments, when you could -make no better a Bargain for your Party, or -obtain no absolute positive Assurances that -the <i>Redress</i> should go Hand in Hand with -the <i>Supply</i>. Are we to bleed for ever? -Are we never to taste of Cordials?</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_48'>48</span><i>Over</i>. Our Doctors think that <i>Bitters</i> -sit best on our English Stomachs.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. <i>Bitters</i> are of a hot Nature; -the <i>Prescribers</i> should take Care, that a -too constant use of them may not <i>inflame</i> -the Blood too much.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. They have provided beforehand a -Remedy against such an Evil.——A good -many Thousands in <i>Red</i>, will cure an Inflammation -presently.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. They may, by Amputation, if -in some of the <i>Limbs</i> only; but should -ever Poverty, Oppression, or Despair, force -the Inflammation into the <i>Body</i> and Bowels, -I doubt the Surgeons in <i>Red</i> would not find -the Cure so very easy. But I hope our -Friends, few as they are, will find some -Means of perswading their fellow Practicers -to drop their <i>Bitters</i>, and put their Patients -on a Course of <i>Alteratives</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Smooth</i>. Sir <i>John</i>, we all wish for Cordials -and Restoratives; we own they are wanting; -but I am afraid a Time of War and -Confusion is not the proper Season for administering -them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I am much more afraid, Mr. -<i>Smoothwell</i>, that you have learnt a Language -newly imported from <i>Court</i>. <i>Confusion</i>, if -you mean here at Home, there is none; -and as for the <i>War</i>, I don’t think it wou’d -or cou’d go on more ingloriously and scandalously -than it has since the Commencement -<span class='pageno' id='Page_49'>49</span>of it, should our State Physicians alter -their Practice.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Scandalously as it has been conducted, -it has cost us more than the most -successful and best managed War.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Our last <i>Foraging</i> Campaign stood -us dearer than that of <i>Blenheim</i>; and shou’d -we have one or two more such parading -Summers, to pot goes the <i>Sinking Fund</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I shudder at the Thoughts of -<i>re-mortgaging</i> that only Hope we had of -seeing one Day our Trade and Industry exonerated -from the Clogs that oppress them. -The <i>Fund</i>, which should be sacred, has been -too often made free with; but the Incroachments -upon the Purpose of it being temporary -only, it had no very bad Effect; whereas -the Case would be otherwise, should they -be perpetual.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And because it will have that -ruinous Consequence, you’ll see violent unhallow’d -Hands laid on that darling Hopes -of our People.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Why the D——l don’t our Sages -give Lotteries of six Millions, instead of six -hundred Thousand? There are Fools enough -in <i>England</i> to fill them.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Another destructive Way of -raising the Supplies. There is no Method -more injurious to Trade than Lotteries in general; -but when managed as our late ones -<span class='pageno' id='Page_50'>50</span>have been, they become essentially a public -Nusance.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. You mean the <i>sharing</i> out Tickets -and Chances?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. I do. Never was any Invention -more destructive of Industry. The poor -<i>Industrious</i>, whom it is the Policy of all Nations -to cherish and encourage, are by this -<i>sharing Traffick</i>, exposed to inevitable -Destruction. Who but the Poor will buy -an Eighth or <i>Sixteenth</i> of the Chance of a -Ticket? The Rich will deal in whole Tickets; -but ’tis the poor Industrious only that -ruin themselves to be in Luck’s Way, as they -term it. ’tis this poor but useful Class of -the People only, that game at 30 <i>per Cent</i>. -more Disadvantage than the richer Drones. -No Temptation should be thrown in the -Way of the Industrious; but on the Contrary, -all hurtful Incentives should be removed. -If you will tempt them to the -Hazard Table, let them play upon the -Square. Bring the Price of Tickets down to -their Level; and let not the Jews, Sharpers, -and Drones of the Nation be permitted to -make a Property of them. But why might -not the Sums raised the two last Years by -way of Lottery, be as well brought into the -<i>Exchequer</i> by any other Means?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. But no Means would so effectually -draw off the Attention of the Public from -our Misery and impending Danger. And -<span class='pageno' id='Page_51'>51</span>whatever some idle Folks may think, they -tell me ’tis one of the principal <i>Arcana’s</i> -of the Cabinet, to contrive artfully, that -is imperceptibly, to draw off the public -<i>Attention</i> from the Conduct of <i>Superiors</i>. -You can’t conceive how close and out of -Sight these State Spiders spin their Webs.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. But I can very well conceive -that the People have Arms long and strong -enough to reach and sweep those Webs -clear away whenever they will.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Ah! Sir <i>John</i>, where have the -People you brag so much of, hid their Brooms -and Brushes for many Years past?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Behind the Clouds of <i>Corruption</i> -and <i>Hypocrisy</i>, where they are like to remain -much longer, or I am mistaken.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Mr. <i>Blunt</i>, it gives me a Concern -to see you continue your Diffidence of your -best Friends. You shall find, that neither -<i>Corruption</i> nor <i>Hypocrisy</i> will stand in the -Nation’s Way to Happiness, if those whom -you deem <i>England</i>’s Friends can help it.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. As Jealousy is said to spring -from Love, <i>Diffidence</i> may be said to be -founded in Friendship. Mr. <i>Blunt</i> hopes he -has no Reason to suspect your <i>Intention</i>, -but dreads you have put it out of your -Power to serve the Public. You may have -perceived, Mr. <i>Broadbottom</i>, during the -whole Conversation, that your Friends apprehend -this <i>Coalition</i> as you call it, or <i>Ingraftment</i> -<span class='pageno' id='Page_52'>52</span>as we express it, will answer no -Purpose of the People, who groan under the -pressure of heavy Taxes, a vast Debt, Decay of -Trade, the Yoke of Penal Laws, and those -worst Y——s of all, the <i>Septennial</i> and the -Corruption of their ——s. In short, they -dread your being over-reach’d by your -more experienc’d Partners, or rather your -being jostled out of the Course, by the -abler Jockeys of the C——t. If you wou’d -serve your Constituents in your present Situation, -you must act with Caution.——</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. With <i>Honesty</i>, you should say -rather. What Caution is necessary in answering -the Hopes of the People? They -desire but what is absolutely for their Safety. -They expect no more than has been often -solemnly promised them. And sure a Man -that intends to be as good as his Word need -not pick out every Step of his Way.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. The Ground about C——t, they -say, is d——d slippery.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. And for that Reason I would not -have had our Friends get upon it before they -had secured their Footing there. See what -is become of the late infamous <i>Deserters</i> -for want of such Precaution.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Let us draw no invidious Inferences -from the Examples of a Crew -that are now as despicable as they are -odious to the whole Nation. A Crew that -can’t claim even the Merit of being intentionally -<span class='pageno' id='Page_53'>53</span>upright. They did not so much -as attempt keeping Faith with the People.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. But they kept it religiously with -the <i>Barn</i> Keeper.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. I can’t say who was to be <i>indulged</i> -by the War, but sure I am the Weight -of it is grievously felt all over the Body politic.——Mr. -<i>Broadbottom</i>, you have been -lately at Court, pray what do they think -there of the War? Are we like to get out -of it with Honour? in short, are we like -to get out of it at all?</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Out of it at all!——The D——l, -you would not have us serve an Apprenticeship -to the War, as we do to our -P——ts?</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. If it be no better manag’d than -it has been hitherto, I don’t see why this -War might not last much longer than seven -Years.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. I’ll tell you why it can’t, because -we shan’t be able to maintain it so long. By -mortgaging the <i>Sinking Fund</i> we may hold -out three or four Years pretty tolerably; -but after that, souse we go to <i>Mint</i> or -<i>State-bills</i> at 50 <i>per Cent</i>. Discount, as in -France in old <i>Lewis</i> XIV. his Days.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Rose</i>. Gentlemen, however, will consider, -that we can’t get out of the War as -easily as out of an Assembly Room in the -Times of our Horse Races.</p> - -<p class='c014'><span class='pageno' id='Page_54'>54</span>Sir <i>John</i>. I am sure it would be towering -Madness to continue it on the same -Footing it has been carried on hitherto. -The <i>Dutch</i> should come in for a full equal -Proportion of the Expence, or I would not -have a Red-coat left in <i>Flanders</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Let the Cheesemongers look to -their Barrier and be d——n’d, if they don’t -come down Guinea for Guinea, and Shilling -for Shilling with us towards preserving it.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. <i>Blunt</i>, if you would curse the -<i>Dutch</i> effectually, you must wish them -undamm’d.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Damn’d or undamm’d let ’em be, -before Old <i>England</i> wades out of her -Depths to hold them up by the Chin.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Let us hope for the best. They -may hear Reason, they may see their Interest -when painted by so masterly a Hand as -is now intrusted with the Pencil.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. If Wit, Eloquence, Politeness, -Frankness and Integrity, could move a -<i>Dutchman</i>, I should not doubt of that great -Man’s Success; but as nothing but <i>Self-interest</i> -can engage either his Heart or Attention, -I fear his L——p won’t be able to persuade -that <i>selfish</i> People to think it for their Interest -to declare War against <i>France</i> and <i>Spain</i> -at the critical Time that we are at Variance -with those Crowns. We are to consider -this Juncture as the Harvest Season of the -<i>Dutch</i>. All the Markets we are shut out -<span class='pageno' id='Page_55'>55</span>from by the War, are open to them by a -Neutrality. But what I believe weighs -not a little with them, is, that they dread -embarking with us ever since they perceived -that the Views of our Statesmen have -tended more towards <i>H——r</i> than <i>England</i>. -’Tis that observable Bias to a <i>Foreign -Interest</i> that will deter the <i>States-General</i>, -if my Lord <i>C——</i> does not succeed -in his Embassy.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Broad</i>. Perhaps they may conceive better -Hopes from the new Administration.</p> - -<p class='c014'>Sir <i>John</i>. Perhaps they might, had the -Administration been <i>new</i>. But as it is no -more than an old Garment patch’d with -new Cloth, I fear the <i>Dutch</i> will hardly -alter their Plan on any Assurances such a -motley M——y can give them. They -may think, and perhaps too truly, that the -same Measures will be follow’d, the same -<i>Interest</i> be pursued, since the Majority, and -the chief in Office of the A——n, are of -the old Stamp. And they as truly may -think, that neither Harmony nor Success -can attend Counsels jarring between two -different separate <i>Interests</i>. While the Interest -of <i>H——r</i> clashes with that of <i>England</i>, -we must neither expect Harmony with -the <i>Dutch</i>, nor Success in our Wars.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Nor in any thing else, I think. -Would to God we could join that precious -<span class='pageno' id='Page_56'>56</span><i>Manor</i> to the <i>Orcades</i>, or send it adrift to -<i>Lapland</i> or the <i>North Cape</i>.</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Blunt</i>. Since we can do neither, would to -God our Statesmen would shew themselves -to be <i>Englishmen</i>!</p> - -<p class='c014'><i>Over</i>. Since we are got in the praying -Strain, let us all pray that our <i>new</i> M——y, -or at least those lately <i>ingrafted</i> upon the -<i>old</i>, may not become as arrant <i>H——ns</i> as -their grafted Predecessors, the late <i>Deserters</i>. -Let us all say, <i>Amen</i>.</p> - -<div class='nf-center-c0'> -<div class='nf-center c015'> - <div><span class='large'><i>FINIS</i>.</span></div> - </div> -</div> - -<div class='figcenter id002'> -<img src='images/i056.jpg' alt='' class='ig001' /> -</div> - -<div class='pbb'> - <hr class='pb c015' /> -</div> -<p class='c014'> </p> -<div class='tnbox'> - - <ul class='ul_1 c015'> - <li>Transcriber’s Notes: - <ul class='ul_2'> - <li>Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Typographical errors were silently corrected. - </li> - <li>Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only when a predominant - form was found in this book. - </li> - </ul> - </li> - </ul> - -</div> -<p class='c014'> </p> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT ***</div> -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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