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If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Christmas Chat - or, Observations on the late change at court, on the different - characters of the ins and outs; and on the present state of publick - affairs. - -Author: Anonymous - -Release Date: May 30, 2021 [eBook #65472] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: UTF-8 - -Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Barry Abrahamsen, and the Online Distributed - Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was - produced from images generously made available by The Internet - Archive/Canadian Libraries) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT *** - - - - _CHRISTMAS CHAT:_ - - OR, - - OBSERVATIONS - - On the Late - - CHANGE at COURT, - - On the different - - Characters of the INS and OUTS; - - And on the - - Present STATE of PUBLICK AFFAIRS. - - A - - _DIALOGUE_ - - Spoke at the Country Seat of one of the - _New Ministry_, in the late Holy Days, - the Day before his Re-election; - - _BETWEEN_ - - Mr. BROADBOTTOM, - Mr. OVERALL, - Mr. ROSEBAND, - Sir JOHN PROBEUM, - Mr. SMOOTHWELL, & - Mr. BLUNT. - - --------------------------------------------------------- - - __LONDON__: - - Printed for M. COOPER, at the Globe in _Paternoster Row_; 1745. - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - -[Illustration] - - - _CHRISTMAS CHAT:_ - - OR, - - OBSERVATIONS - - On the Late - - CHANGE at COURT, - - A - - _DIALOGUE_ - - - ------------------------------------------- - - -_Broadbottom_, Sir _John Probeum_, _Overall_, _Roseband_, _Blunt_, and - _Smoothwell_, sitting round a Table at _Broadbottom’s_ House. - -_Overall_. - -TRUCE with Politics, I beseech you, Gentlemen.——I gad! ’tis -unconscionable to lecture a Man thus at his own House. - -_Broadbottom_. By no means, Mr. _Overall_; I look upon the Freedom with -which my worthy Neighbours here treat me, as an Instance of their -Friendship and Regard. - -_Roseband_. There spoke the Christian and Man of sound Understanding—— - -_Over_. Pshaw! P—x! What have we Fox-hunters to do with sound -Understandings?——Give me a sound Bottom, Parson, and you are welcome to -keep your Christianity and sound Understanding for your next _Christmas_ -Conversation. Ha, ha! - -_Blunt_. Right, Mr. _Overall_; I say a sound Bottom too. - -_Over_. Come, Gentlemen, let the Toast go round.——To all sound -Bottoms—No Affront, I hope, to any one here.——What say’st thou, honest -_Blunt_? - -_Blunt_. I say, the Vicar need not make those d——d wry Faces at Toasting -the best Thing in Nature.——You have been paying Homage for twenty Years -to a _Broadbottom_, and now winch at the naming a _Sound_ one.——Ah! Mr. -_Roseband_; the _Jesuit_ sticks to the Cloth in _England_ as at _Rome_. - -_Smoothwell_. Why so, Mr. _Blunt_? The Words _Sound Bottom_ convey an -Idea which Mr. _Roseband_ might wish not to conceive. - -_Blunt_. And pray, good Mr. _Smoothwell_, what is there of indecent or -unseemly in the Idea conceived at the mention of those two harmless -Words, _Sound_ and _Bottom_? - -_Over_. Wou’d a reverend Divine wish to be put in Mind of the Days of -his Youth? Ha, ha!—— Mr. _Blunt_, had you been bred at _Oxford_, as the -Doctor was, you wou’d have known that all are not _Sound_ that grace -_Magdalen_ Walks on a Summer’s Evening. Ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Roseband_, you must not mind the Fox-hunter; you know -his Way; he treats his Friends as freely as he wishes they would treat -him. - -_Rose_. I believe so, Sir _John_, and therefore am in full Charity with -Mr. _Overall_. But I can’t so readily digest my Neighbour _Blunt_’s -coupling the _English_ Vicar with the _Romish_ Jesuit. - -_Blunt_. In their Politics only; as for Religion, I leave that to the -great Searcher of Hearts. - -_Over_. Ah, dear _Blunt_! how many modern Hearts will bear a Search? - -_Blunt_. Ask Mr. _Broadbottom_; he was last at Court. - -_Broad_. I was so, Mr. _Blunt_, but you know I am but a late Comer -there. - -_Blunt_. Perhaps it had been as well for yourself and your Country, if -you had not come there at all.—— You’ll excuse my Bluntness, Mr. -_Broadbottom_, you know I speak freely to those I wish well. - -_Broad_. I know your Worth, and thank you for your Freedom. - -_Blunt_. I hope you do, because I mean to continue and deserve your -Friendship, if you continue your Country’s Friend at Court.——To be plain -with you, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I am not altogether reconciled to the -critical _Time_ and _Manner_ of your going to Court. ’tis an infectious -Air, against which _Abstinence_ alone is the Specific. - -_Over_. ’Sflesh! _Blunt_, you don’t expect your late worthy Member, who -so often cram’d your Brother Aldermen and yourself with Ham and Chicken, -would keep Lent at Court? - -_Blunt_. Let him but abstain from entering into any Covenants, and he -may swill as much as he will of his Majesty’s Old-Hock. - -_Broad_. Covenants! What Covenants do you suppose, should be expected -from me? - -_Blunt_. The direct contrary of those you entered into with our -Corporation at your last Election.——Perhaps, you forget them.——Shall I -refresh your Memory? - -_Broad_. You need not. I am come down to make you fresh Assurances of -serving my Country to the utmost of my Power. - -_Blunt_. I know you are come down to be re-elected; and that this -Company have been invited here to-day, to receive your Excuses for your -late Acceptance of an Employment.— - -_Smooth_. Mr. _Blunt_, your Corporation could not expect that their -Representative would never accept of a Place under the Crown; therefore -what Excuses has the Gentleman to make? - -_Blunt_. More, I fear, than you can make for him with all your Quirks of -Law. If he accepted of a Post without any Salvo, and forgets that he has -a Post whenever he is to vote in Parliament, I will then say that he -needs not make Excuses for going to Court. - -Sir _John_. Ay, Mr. _Blunt_, provided my worthy Neighbour, -_Broadbottom_, turns not a mere _Courtier_, by going to Court, he shall -have all our Consents to stay at Court and rise there. - -_Blunt_. A Man may rise in the Army and Navy, and meritoriously; but -what dirty Work must a Man trudge thro’ to rise at Court? - -_Over_. Why should a Man be obliged to do more servile Work at Court -than in the Church, where we see the Learned and Pious rise, and are -translated every Day?——I expect my good Friend here, Mr. _Roseband_, to -rise to a Deanery soon, now his Patron has taken a Stride to Court. - -Sir _John_. And shou’d Mr. _Broadbottom_ rise at Court, as I doubt not -he will if he continues there longer than the present Session of -Parliament; why might not my reverend Neighbour here, rise from the -Deanery to a Mitre? - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, you have been always my Friend; so have you Mr. -_Blunt_. Gentlemen, you are all of you my Friends, and as such—have a -Right to examine my late Conduct. I have accepted of a Place, ’tis true, -without consulting you; but hope in so doing, not to have forfeited the -good Opinion which I flatter myself you always entertain’d of me. - -Sir _John_. Since we are, and you think us your Friends, ’tis fit we -should deal with you like Friends. To be plain with you, Mr. -_Broadbottom_, we here in the Country, who wish well to our King and the -Nation, think ourselves justify’d in conceiving a Jealousy of the -Nature, Time and Manner of the late or rather the present Change in the -Ministry. I will explain myself.—— ’tis not so properly a _Change_ of, -as an _Ingraftment_ upon the Ministry. Supposing the few of your Party -that are brought _in_, were to continue as honest and sincere, as those -_Deserters_, who made room for them, were disingenuous and -self-interested; what can you do against Numbers? What Success can poor -_England_ expect from the Endeavours of so few? - -_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, you forget that the Opposition grew. - -Sir _John_. No, Sir, I don’t forget that Opposition founded on virtuous -Principles will always grow. But what _Opposition_ can you expect to -grow in a Court? You late Comers there are but the Tail of the -Administration. Can you direct the Head and Body? Must it not move as -they direct, or be lopt off? What will Opposition in Council avail, -where the Majority will be so great against you? And as for Opposition -in P——t, there will be none, there can be none. The late _Deserters_, -who are now flung out, should they grumble and oppose, no Creature -living will adhere to them that has a Drachm of either Sense or Virtue. -And by the present Scheme, you who were late Leaders of Opposition, are -taken off, and consequently all Opposition ceases. I wish I may be -mistaken; but, methinks, I see a Scheme, and the artfullest and deepest -that ever was laid in this Nation, now put in Execution. - -_Over_. How, Sir _John_! a Scheme deeper than the _Excise_? - -_Blunt_. Or last Year’s _Invasion_, which produced such Chearfulness in -granting more Millions than ever were granted in any one Session before? - -_Rose_. Or the late Sir _R——t_’s Scheme for securing his own Retreat? - -_Blunt_. Retreat! Do you think it a Retreat for a Man to quit the Stage -to go behind the Curtain, where he sets all the Puppets in Motion? - -Sir _John_. He does so; and this is not the least Adroit of his Motions. -All the present Ministry, the late small _Engraftment_ excepted, are his -known Creatures. They were most of them of his own bringing up, and of -course act by his Directions. - -_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, how shall we be affected by his Motions? I -hope you don’t suppose he will be able to influence us New comers, as -you call us, however he may direct his Pupils. - -Sir _John_. I hope he won’t; but I’ll answer for it, he does not now -matter whether he can or no. He has lull’d you into a Stupor, and having -unperceptibly depriv’d you of your Sting, you are no longer the terrible -Men you appeared to the Court some time ago. - -_Over_. They are now become the _Drones_ of the Hive; ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. They are really no better. Pardon me, Mr. _Broadbottom_, if -I think the Epithet fits all you who are brought in to countenance -Measures the Nation disapproves of—— - -_Blunt_. To colour an ignominious Peace, which is thought to be on the -Anvil, because the late Conduct of our Superiors renders a Peace of any -kind absolutely necessary. - -_Over_. And to be kick’d out again as soon as those dirty Ends are -answered, which they were introduc’d to promote: Gad, Brother Foxhunter, -I should not care to be _rump’d_ after I had said _yea_ and _nay_ as -directed. You see what End the late Patriot _Pretenders_ are come to. —— -Z—ns Man! fall not, like those Coxcombs, ’tween two Stools. - -Sir _John_. There lies the Depth of the present Scheme, which is but the -second Part of the late. The late _Deserters_, as they are justly -call’d, saw not that they were digging Pits for themselves, while they -were bargaining to drop their Party for Places at Court. What better, Mr -_Broadbottom_, have you been lately doing for yourself? If you answer -the _Purpose_ of your being taken into the Ministry, supposing it -disagreeable to the Nation, you are irrecoverably lost in the Opinion of -all who esteem’d you before; and of consequence will be no better than a -Drone all your Life long. - -_Broad_. Pray, Sir _John_, why will you suppose the _Purpose_ of the -Ministry to be disagreeable to the Nation? - -Sir _John_. Because I have known in my Time but very few, if any -Ministerial _Purposes_ that deserv’d public Approbation. - -_Broad_. You would not have us be against the Continuance of the War, -till an honourable Peace can be obtain’d? - -_Smooth_. Nor against the Support of the War while it continues. - -_Rose_. Nor against such a Peace, as the Success of the War may intitle -us to. - -Sir _John_. So! the Lessons are already put by Heart. - -_Over_. Why not? you forget how apt Lawyers and Divines are to learn. -Ha, ha! - -_Blunt_. And Patriots too, when once they creep within the Palace Gates. - -_Broad_. Mr. _Blunt_, I am well acquainted with the Uprightness of your -Heart. You love me, and therefore fear I am to be deluded from my Duty -to my Country by the Allurements of a Post. But let me intreat my -Friends to suppress their Fears till the End of the Session. - -_Blunt_. I should not wonder by the End of the present Session, or at -least before the Beginning of the next, to see you and your Brethren -reduced to your primitive Nakedness. Of what Use can you be, after you -grant all the Court wants, and reject or throw cold Water on every -Motion for the Benefit of the Nation? - -Sir _John_. Motion for the Benefit of the Nation, said you! Who will -make such a Motion? Or if made, who will support it? Neighbour _Blunt_, -I don’t wonder that you, who never sat in Parliament, should mistake the -Nature of _Motions_ made there; but I, who represented your Borough in -my younger Days, am able from my Experience to inform you, that no -important _Motion_ of public Benefit will be made this Session; or, if -fortuitously made, will be seconded. The different Parties in the House, -and Parties with different Views there always were and will be, are led -by a _few_, who may be said to direct all the Operations of the Session. -Among that _few_, there is generally some one or two who are permitted -to take the Lead in all Deliberations, and from thence may be said to -direct the whole. Supposing then that the Court should find means to -take off not only that _one_, or those _two_ or _three_, but all the -Chiefs or Directors of an Opposition at the Beginning of a Session, how -can it be expected that any Motions of Moment will be made? or, as I -said before, if made will be seconded? All Motions to be made, that are -of consequence, are first projected by the Leaders, and communicated and -recommended at their private Meetings and Clubs. But strip the Party of -such Leaders, before they have Time to make, or even resolve on a new -Choice of Chiefs, and there is an End of all such necessary and usual -Communications and Recommendations, and probably of the very Meetings -antecedent to them. In time, a new Set of Leaders may arise, but there -must be Proof of their Truth and Abilities before they can acquire the -necessary Confidence; and such Proof is not produced hastily. - -_Over_. Right, old Sportsman. It must be _Truth_ and _Time_ that acquire -the Captains of Foxhounds the Confidence of the Pack. - -_Smooth_. Mr. _Overall_, you might have spared your Comparison of -Foxhounds and Members of Parliament. - -_Rose_. Nor is Sir _John_’s Doctrine of _Motions_ less seasonable or -pertinent. - -_Blunt_. Decent Mr. _Smoothwell_, and you cautious Mr. _Roseband_, when -are apt Comparisons to be made or necessary, and seasonable Truths to be -spoken, unless it be on such an Occasion, and at such a Time as the -present? - -_Over_. See how these Law-and-Gospel-Mongers would debar a Freeborn from -the Privilege of expostulating with the Man to whom he is going to -delegate his Life, Liberty and Fortune!—— Z—ds, _Broadbottom_, sure you -are not already become so rank a Courtier, as to have retained the Vicar -of your Parish, and the Steward of your Manors, to padlock the friendly -Lips of your plain and upright Neighbours? - -_Broad_. Far be it from me to endeavour preventing the Expostulations of -my Friends. I have always asked the Opinion of my Constituents in all -Matters of Moment, since I have been in Parliament, and hope they will -admit that I have not misused the Trust committed to me. - -Sir _John_. Sir, we believ’d you a true _Englishman_; at least, let me -speak for myself, I did so, or I had not given you so often my Vote and -Interest to represent your Country in Parliament: And I confess, that by -all that appears, you have honourably discharged the Trust reposed in -you. But, Sir, the good Opinion I have had of you, and even that which I -entertain of you at present, are no such Securities for your future -Conduct, considering the present State of Affairs, as should efface all -Traces of Doubt and Jealousy out of my Mind. You are a Man, and as such, -are not exempt from _Selfishness_, a Passion which Ministers never fail -to sooth and gratify. I may believe you mean well; but can’t help -dreading your suffering yourself to be _sweeten’d_ from your good -Intentions. - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, your Concern for my future Conduct speaks the -Sincerity of your Friendship, and I am therefore the more oblig’d to -you. But methinks the known Probity and Honour of those Men we join in -the Administration might lay your Doubts and Jealousies concerning my -Behaviour for the Time to come. - -Sir _John_. I have nothing to do with the private _Probity_ and _Honour_ -of any Gentleman; but, Sir, if you expect I should think as favourably -of those that have lately invited you to associate with them, as you -seem to do, you are grossly mistaken. You differ in Opinion concerning -those Gentlemen, whom you now seem to applaud, not only with me, but -with yourself. What have those _most deserving Men_ done of late to -acquire your good Opinion? It was but just before you went up to the -first Meeting of the present Session, that you heartily joined Mr. -_Blunt_ and myself, in condemning the _Passiveness_ of all those whom -you now associate with and praise. What have they done for the Public -since, or ever before, that should endear them to you or any true -_Englishman_? Was Sir _R—— W——_’s whole Administration obnoxious to the -Majority of the Nation? was it injurious to all? did not those you now -are _grafted_ upon, concur with him in all his Measures? were they not -most of them, the Creatures of his Power? were not the chief of them his -Pupils, train’d up in all his Arts and Wiles? are they not of his -rearing? are they not distinguishable at this very Hour by his Stamp? - -_Blunt_. By this Scheme of _Ingraftment_ it plainly appears, that if -they don’t wear his Livery in View, they wear it under their upper -Garments. - -_Over_. So that Sir _Brass_, like his Employer, still has his cloven -Foot in all our Affairs. - -_Blunt_. As sure as this new-devised _Ingraftment_ will ruin all our -_Affairs_, unless the _Projector_ and his _Disciples_ will be so humble -as to submit to be led by the Few they have called in to help steer the -Bark in a Storm. - -Sir _John_. And what was it but their own servile _Passiveness_ that had -occasion’d the _Storm_ which they now endeavour to quell by the Help of -Mr. _Broadbottom_ and his Brethren in the late Opposition? What could -the late fallen _Minister_, of whom they affect to complain as the -Author of all our Calamities; what could that _Phaeton_, I say, have -done, had he not been supported by those who now affect to quit rather -than draw with him? Had not they the Power of the _Purse_? had not they -in that and every other Respect, the Means of tying up that -_Adventurer_’s Hands from hurting his Country, if they would? Yes, Mr. -_Broadbottom_, those Men you now venerate so much, had the _Power_, but -they wanted the _Will_. And what was it but that fundamental, primary -Ingredient in the Composition of some Men, _Selfishness_, which induced -those Men to misuse the Power they then had? - -_Rose_. By your Leave, Sir _John_, tho’ the late Minister, the -_Phaeton_, as you call him, may have misused his Power; I don’t see why -these Gentlemen who _remain_ in the Administration should be involved in -his Guilt. - -_Over_. Smoke the Parson, Gentlemen; mind how cautiously he treads on -_Jack’s_ Heels.——_May have misused his Power!_ How gently he touches the -Sore! Then again, the charitable _Man can’t see the least Speck of Gall_ -in the _Doves_ that have thrust _Jack_ from the _Barn Door_. - -_Blunt_. Ah! Mr. _Overall_, that _Barn_ has made many an honest Man -otherwise. - -Sir _John_. I don’t think it so, Mr. Mayor; a Man truly Honest is no -more to be corrupted than a Woman truly Chast. But as it is she only who -is a Whore in her Heart that can be defiled, so is it he only who is a -Rogue in his Heart, that can be warped from his Integrity. - -_Over_. Gad, Sir _John_, I should be glad to know where your _truly -Honest_ Men and _truly Chast_ Ladies grow. For in my poor Observation, I -knew but one Man and one Woman that truly deserved the Epithet. - -_Smooth_. Your Mother was the precious Exception of one Sex.——Ha, ha! - -_Rose_. And his pious _Dad_ the other.——Ha, ha! - -_Over_. Neither; among the Men, _Jack_ the late M—r was the Exception, -because he was the only Minister that ever I heard or read of, who had -the _Honesty_ to pretend to _none_. And among the Fair, Madame _V—te_, -who held out till her H—d commanded her and conducted her himself to the -Arms of her Lover. - -_Omnes_. Ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. I say nothing of the Aptness of your Exception among the -Fair; but really, Mr. _Overall_, you have hit it off in regard to the -other Sex. The late M—r was a Prodigy in his Way. I won’t say that I -ever knew a less virtuous Minister, but I will, that I never knew one -made less Pretensions to Virtue. - -_Broad_. He courted Virtue as he did Applause. - -Sir _John_. And was he not the Honester, for not pretending to that he -resolved not to practise, and for not courting that which he knew he did -not deserve? But what better Pretensions have they, who, as my Friend -Mr. _Overall_ terms it, thrust him from the _Barn Door_, to either -Virtue or Applause? Did they not give a Sanction to all his Measures? -Were not they Partners of his Guilt? And more, were they not the -Partners of his Predecessor’s Guilt? Had the late Minister shewn less -Contempt for them; had he wore more the Appearance of Modesty, or had -more Deference for their Opinions; had he seem’d to draw with them; had -he not ingross’d solely to himself the _Distribution_ of the Court -_Manna_: Had he, in short, shared with his Fellow Ministers the vast -Emoluments arising from the Distribution of the _Secret-Service_ Money, -I fancy we should never have heard of the present unnatural -_Ingraftment_. - -_Broad_. Since you will have it an _Ingraftment_ rather than a -_Coalition_, it shall be so; but why should it be an unnatural -_Ingraftment_? - -_Over_. Why indeed? Don’t we see _Non-pareilles_ and _Golden Pippins_ -daily grafted on _Crabs_, and yet thrive? Ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. Yes, Mr. _Overall_; because they are all nourished by their -common Parent, the Earth; and the _Crab-Tree_ is a Channel only for the -Nurture to pass thro’. In this Case, the Earth, from whence both Species -receive Nourishment, remains pure and uninfected; the _Crab_ has no more -Influence than the _Pippin_. But can we suppose the Parity will hold in -the other Case? The old _Standards_ in the Administration ingross the -_Soil_: The _ingrafted Shoots_ shall have no more Communication with it, -than their elder Brethren shall be pleased to permit. - -_Rose_. I am sorry to see all Sir _John_’s Observations tinctured with -Uncharitableness. Why should the old _Standards_, as you call those that -remain of the late Ministry, infect the Soil, by which I suppose the —— -is meant, any more than the _ingrafted Shoots_ or new Comers? - -Sir _John_. The _new Comers_, for aught I know, wou’d be as arrant -Courtiers, as supple Fawners in time, as the old _Standards_ themselves, -had they equal Opportunity. But my Life for’t, the _Ingrafted_ will be -kept at Arms Length from the Royal Ear. - -_Broad_. I hope not, Sir _John_; those we join are Men of Honour; and -they assure us of going Hand in Hand with us—— - -_Blunt_. To raise the _Supplies_. - -_Over_. And screen Delinquents. - -Sir _John_. Will they join, think you, in National Parsimony, in the -Encouragement of Trade and Industry, and the Discouragement of Venality -and Corruption? Will they join in repealing those Laws which affect -_Freedom_, and in lessening the vast Power accruing to the Crown from -the great Weight of our Debts and Taxes, by the Distribution of civil -Employments? Will they join—— - -_Blunt_. Yes, Sir _John_, in fleecing the Nation to fill their own -Pockets, and gratify Mr. _Nameless_. - -_Over_. That same _Nameless_ must have an excellent _Digestion_; and -sure his necessary Woman must have golden Days of it; for without doubt, -he who swallows so much _Gold_ must sh—t a great deal of the Metal.—— -But I forget that _H——_ is the _Close-stool_, where all the precious -Excrement centers. - -_Blunt_. And but _One_, on this Side the Water, has a Key to that -valuable Repository. - -_Rose_. For Cleanliness of Conversation, commend me to you both, -Gentlemen. - -_Over_. And for doubling and time-serving, commend me to Gownsmen. - -_Broad_. Gentlemen, I intreat we may live sociably together as usual. -Let us not give Way to Spleen or Ill-nature. Mr. _Roseband_ and Mr. -_Smoothwell_ happen at this Time to be in a more charitable Disposition -than the rest of the Company. But, I assure myself, you will be all of -one Opinion, when you see perfect _Concord_ in the Administration, and -that _Union_ directed to promote publick Happiness. - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I heartily agree with you in the -Banishment of Heat and Sarcasm from our Conversation; but can’t help -dissenting from you in the other Point. Without giving up my Reason, I -can’t reckon upon _Concord_ between two Sets of Men, as seemingly -different in their Views and Principles as can well be imagin’d. By all -that appears hitherto, you lately _Ingrafted_, have acted on Principles -the most honourable, and with Views the most disinterested that ever Men -did; whereas the _old Standards_ seem to have no Views but to -_Self-Interest_, nor Principles, but such as are repugnant to -_Patriotism_. - -_Over_. _Patriotism!_ Ha, ha! Poor Wanderer! Where has she taken up her -Habitation, since she was sent adrift by those _Ingrafted_ about two -Years ago upon the old Stock? - -_Blunt_. Patience. Mr. _Overall_, and you shall see her perch’d on the -joint Endeavours of our mottley Ministry to save the Nation. - -_Broad_. I hope you will, Mr. _Blunt_, tho’ you speak it with a Sneer. - -Sir _John_. I heartily wish we may. But in my Mind, the Coalition on -which you reckon so much, is as impracticable as squaring the Circle, if -you Gentlemen newly _Ingrafted_, and _those_ you are _Ingrafted_ on, -_thought_ as you _spoke_ and _acted_, and continue the same way of -_thinking_? - -_Over_. Have not you seen, that the late _Ingrafted_ had two Ways of -_thinking_? - -_Blunt_. One fitted for the _Country_, the other for the _Court_? - -_Broad_. Good Mr. Mayor, spare your Friends, at least till you find them -tripping. - -Sir _John_. For my Part, the whole Stress of my Argument rests on a -Supposition; that both Parties of the Administration will adhere to -their native Principles and Way of thinking. On this Supposition then -where can be the _Concord_, where the _Coalition_? - -_Over_. Just where the Union would be between Kites and Doves. - -_Blunt_. But, my Fox-hunter, leaving Concord and Union out of the -Question, when has it been seen, that spotless innocent _Doves_ have had -the weak Complaisance of associating with the crafty and guilty _Kites_, -on the first Offer of Friendship and Cordiality? - -_Broad_. Still, my worthy Magistrate, severe upon your old Friends? - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Broadbottom_, call not that Severity, which is the -Result of Friendship. I judge of Mr. _Blunt_ by myself, who, because I -esteem you, fear you may be imposed upon in the Step you have lately -taken. You could not but see that the Court made to you, was the Effect -rather of _Necessity_ than _Choice_. You must not be the Man of -Penetration I take you for, unless you saw that you would be an -unwelcome Guest at C—t, and an unwelcome Companion to those who invited -you thither. In such Circumstances, I should expect that you, and those -whom you have selected among your Party to accompany you, wou’d insist -upon such Terms for your Country, as would endear you to your -Countrymen. - -_Broad_. But, Sir _John_, would it become us to insist on Terms, when -none were exacted from us? - -Sir _John_. It not only would become you to insist on such Terms as -would be of public Utility, but it was absolutely necessary you shou’d, -if you would maintain your Character and serve your Country. You _New -Comers_ are but a few, if compared to those you are ingrafted on. They -may, and probably will out-argue, or rather out-vote you, whenever you -shall presume to oppose their Measures; and should you persist in your -Opposition, they will thrust you from the _Barn_ for your Contumacy. -Such will be the best of your Case. - -_Smooth_. Best do you call it? Pray, Sir _John_, what do you call the -Worst of their Case? - -Sir _John_. To quit their own Principles, and take up those of the old -_Standards_. In that Case they might think to mend their own private -Fortunes, but would most certainly ruin their Country, and of course -would lose all Credit with their Countrymen. - -_Broad_. But is it impossible for Men of different Principles to meet -each other half Way, and agree in such Essentials as may promote the -general Good of the Community? - -Sir _John_. He who meets an Opponent half way, recedes from his own -Principles, and embraces in part at least, those of his Antagonist. Now -if your _Principles_ were _sound_, and those of the _old Standards -unsound_, as we must believe from your constant Opposition for the Time -past; how can you depart from yours, without embracing _unsound_ -Principles? No, Sir, I protest against half-way Meetings between a -Majority in _Power_, and a few, who, I’m afraid, grasp too eagerly at a -Shred, or rather Shadow of that _Power_. The _Magnet_ is with the -greater Number; pray Heaven, it attracts not the smaller to it! - -_Broad_. Why so desponding, Sir _John_, you who were won’t to be the -firmest Prop of our Party Hopes? - -Sir _John_. To be very serious, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I apprehend we are in -a wretched Situation; and I see but one Means, by which we may hope to -better our Condition. But I foresee that we sha’n’t have the Wisdom or -Virtue to pursue that only Way. Notwithstanding the Groupe of Ills we -labour under; notwithstanding our Necks are sore gall’d with the Yoke, I -fear, should the Time of procuring ourselves Ease ever offer, Corruption -will prevail, and _Avarice_ will chuse the Continuance of our Woe. If we -would expect such a thorough Change of Measures as the Nation seem to -wish for and require, can we hope for it from the present Patch-work -mingling of Hands? - -The taking Gentlemen into the Administration, who have distinguished -themselves by their Zeal for the Interests of their Country, is not, I -fear, designed to ease the People, but to bring those Gentlemen to bear -a Share of the public Hatred and Infamy, which the late M—rs have -incurr’d by the most flagitious Measures. This must cause an irreparable -Breach between the Public and those now rever’d and beloved Patriots; a -Policy by which the Projectors think, perhaps, they leave the Flocks -without Shepherds, and may at Pleasure then prey upon the Folds. But let -me warn these Politicians, that it is not always safe to leave an -injur’d, oppress’d, exasperated People without Leaders on whose Probity -they may depend. On the other hand, let me warn our Patriots, that as a -Snare may have been laid for them, it is their Business to take care -they are not taken in it. They have been the Hopes as well as Darlings -of their Country, and it should be their Study at this critical Juncture -not to give Room for suspecting their Virtue. In short, they should -avoid becoming themselves the Curse of their Country, or countenancing -those that have been so for many Years. - -The War for the Sake of _H——_, has been carried on after a Manner so -dishonourable, not to say infamous, and so expensive, that the old -_Standards_, for a Reason easily pointed out, look upon a _Peace_ to be -absolutely necessary. The Conduct of the War will not suffer them to -hope that equitable Terms will be allow’d them; on the other hand, they -must be sensible, that the People have a greater Regard to the Honour of -the Nation than to private Interest, and will be against sheathing the -Sword, till the Blood of our foreign Enemies has wash’d off the Stain -fix’d on the Glory of the Nation by her domestic Foes. In this Dilemma -they may think it the best, indeed the only Expedient to cast the Burden -on the _Favourites_ of the People. If they accept of Peace on -dishonourable Terms, the late M—rs are acquitted; if they reject it, any -Misfortunes that may attend the War will be intirely cast upon them. In -a Word, the Ministers have entangled the Skein, and call upon the -Patriots to disentangle it, or share the Odium of their Folly and -Wickedness. They have woven the _Gordian Knot_, and the Friends of the -People are to loose it. - -_Over_. We shall soon see who are the Peoples Friends. - -_Broad_. Can you have any Doubt concerning them? - -_Blunt_. Were not those _Deserters_ lately thrust from the _Barn_, the -Peoples Friends too before they were _ingrafted_ on the Ministry? All -are the Peoples Friends while they are rising on the Shoulders of the -People; but when once they are up, away goes the Scaffolding. Mr. -_Broadbottom_, I believe you are a Friend to the People, or I would not -support your last Election, or your present Re-election; but if you -would convince us you are truly so, let us see you heartily endeavouring -to obtain something for those willing People that have drain’d their -Vitals to comply with a C—t and Ministry, and bore the Heat of the Day. -Restore us our _Triennial_ Parliaments. - -Sir _John_. Or rather our Annual Parliaments, which was the ancient -Constitution. But, Mr. _Broadbottom_, let us have them without -_Purchase_. I understand the C—l L—st is greatly incumber’d. I hope ’tis -not intended to clear it at the People’s Expence, before the annual -Produce of it be fairly stated and known. - -_Blunt_. Can you expect to know any thing the Court has a mind you -should not, while _Seven’s_ the Main? - -_Over_. No more _Septs_ say I; I believe I shall never love the Number -_Seven_ again, as long as live. - -Sir _John_. _Seven_ or _Seventy_ would be of little Significancy in a -Country and Age less corrupt than ours. But considering the present -Depravity, I must confess that _septennial_ Parliaments afford Ministers -more Opportunity than I would willingly allow them, to put in Practice -the Arts of the Cabinet. - -_Rose_. If the Depravity be so great and general as you represent it, -how shall our Condition be better’d by a Repeal of the _septennial_ Law? -The Cabinet Arts, which you so much apprehend, may be as well practised -on the _triennial_ as _septennial_ Servants of the People. - -_Over_. To prevent which, let us do as our braver, honester _Popish_ -Ancestors did. - -_Rose_. Ah! Mr. _Overall_! Your worthy Father would not have been so -liberal of his Epithets to Papists. - -_Over_. Mr. _Roseband_, my Father loved and rever’d Virtue wherever he -found it. And he blush’d not any more than I should, to own that our -Popish Ancestors had the true Spirit of Patriotism, and that they left -us more valuable Blessings than we are like to leave Posterity. - -_Smooth_. How, my Politician! Sha’n’t we and Posterity too bask in -Plenty, if we do as you say our honester popish Ancestors did? ha, ha! - -_Rose_. Pray, Mr. _Overall_, What are we to do in imitation of our -braver Ancestors? ha, ha! - -_Over_. To _curse_ the Ambitious and Corrupt. - -_Rose_. Curse, Mr. _Overall_! Is it for Christians to curse? - -_Over_. Is it for _Englishmen_ to be bribed out of their Virtue? What -are the Curses you pronounce on _Ashwednesdays_? - -Sir _John_. Mr. _Overall_ means, I suppose, the Anathema solemnly -denounced in the Reign of _Henry_ III. by the Archbishop of -_Canterbury_, at the Head of the Barons and other great Men of the -Nation, against all such as should directly or indirectly oppose the -Observance of the _two Charters_, and those who should violate, -diminish, or alter in any Manner whatever the Laws and Constitutions of -the Kingdom. - -_Over_. I do, Sir _John_; and the Method I would propose should be, that -the Members of the Legislature, not excepting the pious Lords the B—ps, -on the Expiration of the present Parliament, would meet in _Westminster_ -Abbey, and there solemnly denounce, by the Mouth of the Archbishop, or, -if some squeamish Puritans should object to the Surplice, by the Mouths -of the Lord C—r and Sp—r, the bitterest Curses against all who shall -offer or accept a Bribe at a new Election, directly or indirectly. - -_Blunt_. Or who shall accept of a Place or Pension after he is elected, -in order to support the Measures of Evil Ministers, or screen them. - -_Over_. _Blunt_, let you and I draw up a Form of the Anathema. I would -ask the Vicar, but that he says ’tis Antichristian, to curse the Wicked. -First then, _Cursed_ be he who offers any Bribe or Gratification to any -Freeholder or Burgher to obtain his Vote: _Cursed_ be he who is an -Instrument to corrupt any who has a Right to give his Vote for any -Candidate to represent his County or Borough: _Cursed_ be he, who having -a Right to vote, shall be biass’d in his Voting by any private Interest, -Views, or Hopes: _Cursed_ be he who makes any unjust Returns of Members; -and may such Enemies of their Country be _cursed_ in themselves, their -Wives and Posterity, and in their Goods and Chattels; may they -themselves become the Butt of public Scorn, Hatred and Contempt, whilst -living, and their Widows and Daughters become common Prostitutes for -Bread; and may their Sons experience that _Slavery_, which they would -have brought upon their Country; may their Herds and Flocks die with the -Murrain and Rot; may their Lands become barren, and may their Memory for -ever stink in the Nostrils of all honest Men and true _Britons_. Let all -here say, _Amen_. - -_Broad_. See what it is to be a Foxhunter; no other’s Lungs would have -held out in so long a Chase of useful Curses; ha, ha! - -Sir _John_. Why indeed, Mr. _Broadbottom_, if Curses would cure the -great Evil of _Corruption_, they might be truly called _useful_. But I -am afraid the World is become too cursed to be frighten’d by Curses from -the Commission of Evil. Therefore I would have them restrain’d by some -more coercive Means. And as the Repeal of the _Septennial_ Act, and -effectual _Place_ and _Pensions_ Bills, seem to bid fairest of any Means -I can think of, for removing the Gangreen which preys upon the Vitals of -our Constitution; I should be glad to see the P—— this very Session take -them seriously into Consideration. I hope they will, for the good of -Posterity and their own Honour. And let me add, Mr. _Broadbottom_, that -I hope it for yours, and your new _Ingrafted_ Brethren’s Sake, who must -rise or sink with the Publick, as these Points are dropt or vigorously -pushed and obtain’d. What is it to the People who is _in_ or _out_ of -Place, if they receive no Benefit by the Change? On the Contrary, a -pretended Coalition leaves them in a worse Condition than they were -before, as it deprives them of their present Leaders, and a colourable -Pretence for Complaint. For won’t Courtiers be apt to call that a wanton -Complaint, which has not the Sanction of the old Chiefs of the People? - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, as all who hear you, improve by your Conversation; -all who converse with you, ought to pay a Deference to your Opinions, -which are generally well founded. But tho’ I should admit that the -Points you contend for, would be of public Utility; yet I believe you -will admit likewise, that there may be Seasons wherein it would not be -proper to press these Matters with too great Warmth. It would be -ill-timing the Embellishment or Repair of a House, when the Chimney was -on Fire. The World at Home and Abroad is unsettled and perplexed. We -have Quarrels and Parties—— - -Sir _John_. We have so, and Taxes, Poverty, and Corruption. And we have -likewise open, and who are more dangerous, secret Enemies; at least, we -have lukewarm Friends.——This is no more than what I dreaded, when I -first heard how few of the reputed Friends of the People were invited to -C—t. When I saw all the great Offices of Trust continued in the old -_Standards_, I dreaded the Consequence of taking a few of the Leaders of -the People into the subordinate Posts.——Mr. _Broadbottom_, I am sorry to -tell you, that I dreaded you would have learnt the Court _Catechise_, -when I heard you accepted of a Place before obtaining such Points as the -People contend for, and are of absolute Necessity. Why should it be -unseasonable to restore us to _triennial_ Parliaments, and to secure -Liberty by effectual Place and Pension Bills? What Ferment or Combustion -is here at Home, that should prevent or deter the Friends of our -Constitution from seeking its immediate Repair, where it has been -weakened by either Time or Art? What have the Broils of _Germany_ to do -with the _British_ Constitution? - -The World, you say, is unsettled and perplexed abroad, and we have -Quarrels and Parties at Home. Granted; and who are accountable for the -Perplexities on the Continent and the Parties here at Home? Not the -People, Mr. _Broadbottom_, whose Contentment you would postpone to a -more seasonable Opportunity. I should be glad to know the ministerial -_Seasons_ for doing public Justice. We have had a long Interval of Peace -since the passing the _Septennial_ Law, yet our Ministers never thought -it _seasonable_ to suffer it to be repealed. The Ministers, Sir, I mean -the _B——h_ Ministers, and not the _B——h_ Nation, have been principally -and primarily Authors of the Broils on the Continent; and our Fewds at -Home are no less owing to them. - -_Smooth_. How, Sir _John_, will you place the Ambition of _France_, the -Perfidy of _P——a_, and the Inaction of _Holland_, to the Account of our -Ministers? - -Sir _John_. I will, and with the strictest Justice.——_France_ had not -dared to attempt gratifying her Ambition, nor _P——_ to support _France_, -or _Holland_ to look on, if a Foreign Interest did not biass _B——h_ -Ministers from the true Interest of their Country. To sum up all in one -Word, _H——_ is accountable for all the Perplexities on the Continent, -and all our Fewds at Home.——But what Fewds or Quarrels can be -apprehended after so hopeful a _Coalition_ as the present? When shall -_Britons_ expect Relief, unless when the _best Men of all Parties_, -according to one of our Patriot Writers, have the Power and Direction of -public Affairs? - -_Broad_. We are only accountable for our own Conduct; and as we are but -a few— - -Sir _John_. I dread you may be biassed by the Majority. Why should you -agree to come into the Support of a tottering M——y before you had -secured such a Share of Power as would enable you to change Measures -obnoxious and injurious to the People? Why would you come in without -securing a Moiety at least, of the great Offices of Trust, such as first -C—— of the T——y, S——y of S——, and P——t of the C——t, _&c. &c_. - -_Over_. Faith now, Sir _John_, that would be keeping Gentlemen to d—d -hard Meat. What, not allow Men to stoop at small Game, that have been -beating about for many Years in vain? Pshaw! Gad! ’tis quite ungenteel -and unconscionable. - -Sir _John_. My Quarrel is not to the Gentlemen’s Humility, but to their -Want of Prudence. Mr. _Broadbottom_, I hope, will pardon the Expression. - -_Broad_. With all my Heart. Sir _John Probeum_ can say nothing, because -I am sure he means not, to offend me. - -Sir _John_. Sir, you do me but Justice; I intend an Affront to no Man, -much less to you, whom I have always esteemed. - -_Broad_. And of whom you shall have no Cause to alter your good Opinion. - -Sir _John_. I hope not, tho’ I cannot so readily digest your _Seasons_ -for redressing the People’s Grievances. - -_Blunt_. _Times_ and _Seasons_ were Cant Words with the late -_Deserters_, as soon as the People expected they would act according to -their Professions. - -_Over_. Ha, ha! Courtiers act up to their Professions! Ha, ha! What a -Solecism wou’d that be? Why Man, you forget that _Double_ and _John_, -and _Long Bib_, and _Dismal_, and the Rest of that precious deserting -Gang were become _Courtiers_, when they found out that it was -unseasonable to weaken the Ministerial Power, and strengthen that of the -People. - -Sir _John_. Experience, they say, is the Mother of Wisdom; but I am -sorry we _Englishmen_ are seldom instructed by that sagacious Lady. I -have lived to see the People deluded and injured by those whom they -themselves had screw’d up into Power; and I have seen them receiving -those very _Deluders_ a second and third Time into their Favour. - -_Rose_. A Proof of their Lenity and Good-nature, Sir _John_. - -Sir _John_. Of their Stupidity rather. I am bound to forgive an Enemy, -but know of no Injunction human or divine, that enjoins me to trust that -Enemy a second Time, and put the Snake in my Bosom. - -_Broad_. Sir _John_, you shall never have Cause for making the -Application here. If I can’t serve with Honour, I am a free Agent, and -shall make use of the Freedom I was born to. I will fling up my P—— the -Moment I find I can’t keep it consistent with my Duty to my Country. - -_Over_. There spoke the Genius of old _England_. - -_Blunt_. Like that _noble_ Patriot, who flung up not long since, that he -might not share in the Guilt and Odium of the Company he kept. - -_Broad_. And that noble Patriot is heartily with us in the present -Change. I hope you will think that his Presence should be enough to keep -us all in Countenance. - -Sir _John_. There is not a Man alive has a better Opinion of that great -Man than myself; but shou’d he tell me of _Times_ and _Seasons_ for -redressing Grievances, I should alter my Opinion of him, and think him -infected by the Air of the C—t. But that Patriot _Englishman_ is -uncapable of so great Baseness and Folly. He knows that War Time is the -properest for enquiring into the Misconduct of the War; and I hope for -that Reason, he and all his Friends will encourage an Inquiry into the -Miscarriage at _Carthagena_, and into the more dishonourable Misconduct -last Year at the _Hieres_. I hope likewise he and you will promote a -strict Inspection into the Management of our Land War. - -_Blunt_. You mean the _H—n_ War. I am sure we are no otherwise concerned -in it, than to have the Honour of defraying its Expence. - -Sir _John_. Be our Concern what it will, it ought to have been managed -with some Decency, if not with Vigour and Prudence. But ever since the -Commencement, it has been carried on ingloriously for the Nation, and -scandalously for those who had the Conduct of it. And should such -wrong-headed or corrupt Agents go unpunish’d or unexamin’d at least, it -will be setting such an Example of national _Lenity_, as may prove fatal -in the Day of Necessity. - -_Blunt_. National _Lenity_! Ah, Sir _John_, you were wont to call Things -by their right Names—— What shall we call the _Lenity_ shewn to the late -Arch-delinquent? - -_Over_. The Duce! what would the Man have; was not there a S—t C—ee -appointed? - -Sir _John_. Yes; and the very little which that C—ee was pleas’d to -publish concerning that Arch-spoiler of his Country, proves that they -ought to have proceeded further. - -_Over_. Dear _Broadbottom_, let us have no C—ees at all, unless you have -the _Will_ and _Power_ to sift Things to the Bottom: For it is but -tantalizing a Nation to pretend doing them Justice, and never intend -any. - -_Blunt_. ’tis encouraging public Venality and Corruption. But C—ees are -pretty _Tubs_, too often thrown out to amuse the People. - -Sir _John_. What Pity ’tis to abuse the Credulity of the best natur’d -People in the World! - -_Over_. Sir _John_, you may praise their good Nature as much as you -please; but, Gad! I say they are the veriest Oafs in Christendom. Z—ds! -that a People should be so d—n’d stupid as to delegate their Power again -and again; nay, a Power too over their Lives and Fortunes, to Men who -had done them repeated Injuries, and of whom they had made repeated -Complaints. They complain’d of the _Septennial_ as a grievous -Imposition; yet the very next Opportunity chose those very Men that had -so grossly imposed upon them. - -_Blunt_. Was it not the same in regard to the _Excise-Scheme_ and the -_Convention_? - -_Over_. The _H—r_ Troops, and the _&c. &c_. to the End of a Chapter as -long as the Book of Homilies. - -_Broad_. But, Gentlemen, don’t you forget to season your Account of the -People’s _Folly_ with a certain native Spice called _Knavery_, or in -other Words, _Self-interest_, which, according to Sir _John_, is the -primary fundamental Ingredient in the Composition of most Men? Did not -these injur’d complaining People bring their Suffrages to Market overt, -where the best Bidder was sure to have them? - -Sir _John_. The Fact, I am afraid, is but too true: And at the same Time -that it proves the Corruption of the People, it proves likewise the -Necessity of an immediate Remedy. Had those scandalous Marts for the -Sale of _B—sh_ Liberty been more common; had they been _annual_, or even -_triennial_, the M—rs would not find their Account in the frequent -Expence; nay, they could not support it. - -_Blunt_. Yet necessary as the immediate Application of this Specific is, -you shall see it postponed to more pacific _Times_, and gentler -_Seasons_. - -_Smooth_. Mr. _Blunt_, tho’ you speak thus in Derision, yet if you -reflect with Seriousness, the Delay of a Remedy so extraordinary as the -Repeal of the _Septennial_ is, till after the War, will not seem so -unmeet to you as it appears at present. - -_Blunt_. Dost think the _Repeal_ would abate the Courage of our Soldiers -and Seamen, and raise that of the Enemy? Dost think it would pall the -Appetites of those greedy _Germans_, that now and long have done us the -Honour to receive _Subsidies_ from us? Wou’d the Queen of _Hungary_ and -King of _Sardinia_ receive _English_ Money the less freely; or defend -their own Territories the less carefully, if _general Content_ should be -spread throughout this Island, powerful as much or more by the Union of -its Inhabitants, as by their Bravery and Wealth? Would our good Allies -the _Dutch_ be deafer to our Intreaties, or slower in their Motions than -they have been of late, should they see the very _Fountain_ of our -Corruption and Venality dry’d up by a Legislative Spunge? - -_Over_. Would our A—ls and G—ls have less Sense, Experience, Courage and -Honesty, if they were to go to _Market_ with their _Bank-bills_, but -every _Third Year_? - -_Smooth_. You forget that your favourite A—l was lately courted at many -_Markets_ without the Aid of Bank-bills. - -_Over_. No, Sir; I don’t forget that his Merit had endeared him to the -People, and render’d him hateful to—— Mi-Mi—Mi—Ministers.—’Sflesh! I -thought I could never keep down another _Word_ which would force itself -in the room of Ministers.—— But enough of that. No, Mr. _Smoothwell_, I -forget not that that gallant, honest Man has not been thought of in the -present Change, tho’ his Valour, Experience, Probity, and good Sense, -can’t be called in question. - -Sir _John_. Truly I wonder’d when I saw not his Name among the List of -C—rs of a certain Board. - -_Broad_. There are certain _Prejudices_, which, in Prudence, we were -obliged to overlook when we could not surmount them. - -Sir _John_. I don’t at all question but there was a _Prejudice_ to you -_all_; but when you were able to conquer that which was always supposed -to be conceived against you personally, Mr. _Broadbottom_, I should not -wonder you could surmount all Prejudice whatever. - -_Over_. Pr’ythee, _Bottom_, how came it practicable to ram one of your -_uncommon Size_, down the narrow squeamish Throat of ——? again, another -_Word_ would intrude on the Word Ministers. - -_Blunt_. I’ll tell thee; to take away from us all our Props; to strip us -of our Leaders; in short, to leave no Speaker or Man of known Merit -behind— - -Sir _John_. I fear that was Part of the Plan; and if so, we are undone, -unless we are saved by the Virtue and Steadiness of those whom the -People have confided in all along, and rais’d at last. - -_Broad_. You need not fear them. - -Sir _John_. I would not willingly suspect Men, who owe more to their -Constituents, than those they have all along opposed. On a Supposition -that these had purchas’d, no matter how infamously, they assum’d a Sort -of Right to reimburse themselves at the Expence of the Venders. But you -_Patriots_ have no such colourable Claim for disserving those who -spontaneously chose you their Attornies with no private Views in the -World, or any Views but such as tend to the Good of the Community in -general. - -_Over_. Gad, my dear _Broady_, you ought to be doubly cursed, nay doubly -d—n’d, should you not earnestly and truly serve those that had -gratuitously vested you with ample Power over their Persons, Lands, -Goods, Chattels, Wives and Bairns. - -_Rose_. And Hounds and Hunters; ha, ha! - -_Blunt_. And Tythes and Dues, my laughing Vicar—Is the _Liberty_ of a -free People a fit Subject for Laughter? Is not our All at Stake at this -critical Juncture? Should those who have been always our reputed -Friends, _join_ with those who were always deem’d our Enemies, what -shall become of us? What shall we do? - -_Over_. I’ll tell you; _unite_, and join against both. - -Sir _John_. I should not wonder if a general _Union_ against all secret -and open Enemies would be the Consequence of any signal Misconduct or -Defection in those lately _ingrafted_. For after such repeated -Experience as the People have had of the Power of C—— _Infection_, it -may be expected they would go greater Lengths than might be agreeable to -the Authors of their Despair. ’tis dangerous to push a sensible People -too far. - -_Over_. Pshaw! brag not too much of your Sensibility, I beseech you, -after such Provocations as you have had since the _Septennial_ Y——e has -been upon your Necks. Gad! they are as tame as my _Chesnut_ after a -Morning’s Chase. - -Sir _John_. They are observant of the Laws, and I hope they will always -continue so. - -_Over_. ’Sbud! you wou’dn’t have us keep Measures with _Renegadoes_ and -_Promise-breakers_? - -Sir _John_. No; but I am for no Measure that exceeds legal Bounds. - -_Over_. Z—ds Man! you don’t think I would advise the knocking such -_Recreants_ in the Head without Judge or Jury, tho’ they would merit the -worst of Deaths. No; I would not touch a Hair of their Heads; but d—n me -if ever that Man should have my Friendship or Vote again, who should -once break public _Faith_ with me. - -_Blunt_. Right, my worthy ’Squire—— Oh! how solemnly have we been -promis’d a Redress of all our Grievances as soon as our _Idols_ should -come into the Administration! - -_Rose_. _Idols_! Mr. Mayor.—— - -_Blunt_. Ay, Doctor; such, and worse, if possible, are all those useless -insignificant Men, that fawn, flatter and promise, to arrive at the -Summit of their Ambition, and forget all they had promised as soon as -their Turn is served.—Idols! Mr. _Roseband_; yes, Sir, I would call our -Patriots so to their Faces, and even Mr. _Broadbottom_ himself, whom I -always lov’d and serv’d, should the Redress of our Grievances be -postpon’d. Tame and gull’d as we awkward Country Putts have been; stupid -as we are thought to be, we can feel, and even see when we are play’d -off. Let the Legerdemain be never so dextrous, believe me, we can see -through it. - -_Over_. We don’t forget how Sir _Bob_ used to fly thro’ the Hoops, when -he was press’d hard. He wou’d shift the Pack off his own, to cast it on -_nobler_ Shoulders.——The Cheat is stale, it won’t pass now. - -_Blunt_. It won’t indeed. We know very well what it means to have a -Thing go thro’ glibly below, when it is settled before hand, that it -shall be stifled in its Flight. Mr. _Broadbottom_, you know my Meaning; -and you know too what you have often promised, if ever you should come -into Play, that you would promote the use of _Tacking_, when nothing -else would do. - -_Smooth_. I am sorry that the Head of a considerable Corporation, should -give so great Room for suspecting his Loyalty, as to wish for the -postponing the _Supplies_ in time of War. - -_Blunt_. I am more sorry to see a Principal of any Corporation, a -Sycophant, and Time-server. Mr. _Smoothwell_, you may or may not excuse -my plain Dealing, as you please. Pray Sir, why might not the _Redress_ -go Hand in Hand with the _Supply_? Is a Million the less a Million for -being wrapt up in the same Paper or Parchment with a _Triennial_, or -effectual Place and _Pension_ Bills? Might not Votes of _Credit_ and -Votes of _Inquiry_ be very naturally blended together? Would it swell -the public Debts, if a secret and special C——ee were appointed to -inspect the _Debts_ of the Nation? - -Sir _John_. And the _State_ of the Nation too, Mr. Mayor. I have always -lamented the Want of such a C——ee. It could not fail, if well chosen, to -answer every good End proposed by a National Enquiry. - -_Over_. Brave, upright old Man! have you not seen _Pharsalia_? What have -we got by the late E——y into dextrous _Bob_’s Conduct? - -_Blunt_. A _Proof_ that he ought to be shorten’d by the—— - -_Over_. And pray, how would you have those _worthy Men_ serv’d, who -condescended to let us have a Sight of that precious _Half-proof_, and -not an Inch farther? - -_Blunt_. As they deserved—— - -_Over_. Mum for that——Gad! _Blunt_, I thought you too sincere for -Caution and Circumspection. - -_Rose_. As much as to say, you thought his Worship no wiser than he -shou’d be. Ha, ha! - -_Over_. As much as I should think a Time-server to be an honest Man. - -_Blunt_. Heed him not, Mr. _Overall_, he would set you and I together by -the Ears, but he shan’t have his Ends. (_Looking on his Watch_.) Bless -us! how insensibly Time passes in good Company.—Mr. _Broadbottom_, at -what Hour shall we meet in the Town-Hall? the sooner the better, for -fear of Accidents. - -_Broad_. Of Opposition, you mean——I have heard of no new Candidate. - -_Blunt_. I hope there will be no Candidate but yourself; and tho’ I -believe you’ll meet with no Opposition, expect not to be re-elected -without Bustle and Murmur. The Freemen are not quite pleased with your -late Conduct. They think you, and some others, have been too hasty and -partial in your Distribution of Places—— - -_Broad_. They quite mistake the Thing, the _Distribution_ was not of our -making. - -Sir _John_. I am sorry to hear of so shameful an Error. Were you -sensible of the _Necessity_ some Men were driven to; and of your own -_Usefulness_, and yet have no Share in the Settlement of the main -Article of the Coalition? I wish you may not live to repent you of your -Indolence or Timidity. - -_Broad_. Timidity! Sir _John_. - -Sir _John_. Yes, in Truth. I am not afraid to tell you, that you -betrayed either too much _Timidity_, or too strong an Appetite for -Employments, when you could make no better a Bargain for your Party, or -obtain no absolute positive Assurances that the _Redress_ should go Hand -in Hand with the _Supply_. Are we to bleed for ever? Are we never to -taste of Cordials? - -_Over_. Our Doctors think that _Bitters_ sit best on our English -Stomachs. - -Sir _John_. _Bitters_ are of a hot Nature; the _Prescribers_ should take -Care, that a too constant use of them may not _inflame_ the Blood too -much. - -_Over_. They have provided beforehand a Remedy against such an Evil.——A -good many Thousands in _Red_, will cure an Inflammation presently. - -Sir _John_. They may, by Amputation, if in some of the _Limbs_ only; but -should ever Poverty, Oppression, or Despair, force the Inflammation into -the _Body_ and Bowels, I doubt the Surgeons in _Red_ would not find the -Cure so very easy. But I hope our Friends, few as they are, will find -some Means of perswading their fellow Practicers to drop their -_Bitters_, and put their Patients on a Course of _Alteratives_. - -_Smooth_. Sir _John_, we all wish for Cordials and Restoratives; we own -they are wanting; but I am afraid a Time of War and Confusion is not the -proper Season for administering them. - -Sir _John_. I am much more afraid, Mr. _Smoothwell_, that you have -learnt a Language newly imported from _Court_. _Confusion_, if you mean -here at Home, there is none; and as for the _War_, I don’t think it -wou’d or cou’d go on more ingloriously and scandalously than it has -since the Commencement of it, should our State Physicians alter their -Practice. - -_Blunt_. Scandalously as it has been conducted, it has cost us more than -the most successful and best managed War. - -_Over_. Our last _Foraging_ Campaign stood us dearer than that of -_Blenheim_; and shou’d we have one or two more such parading Summers, to -pot goes the _Sinking Fund_. - -Sir _John_. I shudder at the Thoughts of _re-mortgaging_ that only Hope -we had of seeing one Day our Trade and Industry exonerated from the -Clogs that oppress them. The _Fund_, which should be sacred, has been -too often made free with; but the Incroachments upon the Purpose of it -being temporary only, it had no very bad Effect; whereas the Case would -be otherwise, should they be perpetual. - -_Blunt_. And because it will have that ruinous Consequence, you’ll see -violent unhallow’d Hands laid on that darling Hopes of our People. - -_Over_. Why the D——l don’t our Sages give Lotteries of six Millions, -instead of six hundred Thousand? There are Fools enough in _England_ to -fill them. - -Sir _John_. Another destructive Way of raising the Supplies. There is no -Method more injurious to Trade than Lotteries in general; but when -managed as our late ones have been, they become essentially a public -Nusance. - -_Blunt_. You mean the _sharing_ out Tickets and Chances? - -Sir _John_. I do. Never was any Invention more destructive of Industry. -The poor _Industrious_, whom it is the Policy of all Nations to cherish -and encourage, are by this _sharing Traffick_, exposed to inevitable -Destruction. Who but the Poor will buy an Eighth or _Sixteenth_ of the -Chance of a Ticket? The Rich will deal in whole Tickets; but ’tis the -poor Industrious only that ruin themselves to be in Luck’s Way, as they -term it. ’tis this poor but useful Class of the People only, that game -at 30 _per Cent_. more Disadvantage than the richer Drones. No -Temptation should be thrown in the Way of the Industrious; but on the -Contrary, all hurtful Incentives should be removed. If you will tempt -them to the Hazard Table, let them play upon the Square. Bring the Price -of Tickets down to their Level; and let not the Jews, Sharpers, and -Drones of the Nation be permitted to make a Property of them. But why -might not the Sums raised the two last Years by way of Lottery, be as -well brought into the _Exchequer_ by any other Means? - -_Over_. But no Means would so effectually draw off the Attention of the -Public from our Misery and impending Danger. And whatever some idle -Folks may think, they tell me ’tis one of the principal _Arcana’s_ of -the Cabinet, to contrive artfully, that is imperceptibly, to draw off -the public _Attention_ from the Conduct of _Superiors_. You can’t -conceive how close and out of Sight these State Spiders spin their Webs. - -Sir _John_. But I can very well conceive that the People have Arms long -and strong enough to reach and sweep those Webs clear away whenever they -will. - -_Over_. Ah! Sir _John_, where have the People you brag so much of, hid -their Brooms and Brushes for many Years past? - -_Blunt_. Behind the Clouds of _Corruption_ and _Hypocrisy_, where they -are like to remain much longer, or I am mistaken. - -_Broad_. Mr. _Blunt_, it gives me a Concern to see you continue your -Diffidence of your best Friends. You shall find, that neither -_Corruption_ nor _Hypocrisy_ will stand in the Nation’s Way to -Happiness, if those whom you deem _England_’s Friends can help it. - -Sir _John_. As Jealousy is said to spring from Love, _Diffidence_ may be -said to be founded in Friendship. Mr. _Blunt_ hopes he has no Reason to -suspect your _Intention_, but dreads you have put it out of your Power -to serve the Public. You may have perceived, Mr. _Broadbottom_, during -the whole Conversation, that your Friends apprehend this _Coalition_ as -you call it, or _Ingraftment_ as we express it, will answer no Purpose -of the People, who groan under the pressure of heavy Taxes, a vast Debt, -Decay of Trade, the Yoke of Penal Laws, and those worst Y——s of all, the -_Septennial_ and the Corruption of their ——s. In short, they dread your -being over-reach’d by your more experienc’d Partners, or rather your -being jostled out of the Course, by the abler Jockeys of the C——t. If -you wou’d serve your Constituents in your present Situation, you must -act with Caution.—— - -_Blunt_. With _Honesty_, you should say rather. What Caution is -necessary in answering the Hopes of the People? They desire but what is -absolutely for their Safety. They expect no more than has been often -solemnly promised them. And sure a Man that intends to be as good as his -Word need not pick out every Step of his Way. - -_Over_. The Ground about C——t, they say, is d——d slippery. - -_Blunt_. And for that Reason I would not have had our Friends get upon -it before they had secured their Footing there. See what is become of -the late infamous _Deserters_ for want of such Precaution. - -Sir _John_. Let us draw no invidious Inferences from the Examples of a -Crew that are now as despicable as they are odious to the whole Nation. -A Crew that can’t claim even the Merit of being intentionally upright. -They did not so much as attempt keeping Faith with the People. - -_Over_. But they kept it religiously with the _Barn_ Keeper. - -_Blunt_. I can’t say who was to be _indulged_ by the War, but sure I am -the Weight of it is grievously felt all over the Body politic.——Mr. -_Broadbottom_, you have been lately at Court, pray what do they think -there of the War? Are we like to get out of it with Honour? in short, -are we like to get out of it at all? - -_Over_. Out of it at all!——The D——l, you would not have us serve an -Apprenticeship to the War, as we do to our P——ts? - -Sir _John_. If it be no better manag’d than it has been hitherto, I -don’t see why this War might not last much longer than seven Years. - -_Over_. I’ll tell you why it can’t, because we shan’t be able to -maintain it so long. By mortgaging the _Sinking Fund_ we may hold out -three or four Years pretty tolerably; but after that, souse we go to -_Mint_ or _State-bills_ at 50 _per Cent_. Discount, as in France in old -_Lewis_ XIV. his Days. - -_Rose_. Gentlemen, however, will consider, that we can’t get out of the -War as easily as out of an Assembly Room in the Times of our Horse -Races. - -Sir _John_. I am sure it would be towering Madness to continue it on the -same Footing it has been carried on hitherto. The _Dutch_ should come in -for a full equal Proportion of the Expence, or I would not have a -Red-coat left in _Flanders_. - -_Blunt_. Let the Cheesemongers look to their Barrier and be d——n’d, if -they don’t come down Guinea for Guinea, and Shilling for Shilling with -us towards preserving it. - -_Over_. _Blunt_, if you would curse the _Dutch_ effectually, you must -wish them undamm’d. - -_Blunt_. Damn’d or undamm’d let ’em be, before Old _England_ wades out -of her Depths to hold them up by the Chin. - -_Broad_. Let us hope for the best. They may hear Reason, they may see -their Interest when painted by so masterly a Hand as is now intrusted -with the Pencil. - -Sir _John_. If Wit, Eloquence, Politeness, Frankness and Integrity, -could move a _Dutchman_, I should not doubt of that great Man’s Success; -but as nothing but _Self-interest_ can engage either his Heart or -Attention, I fear his L——p won’t be able to persuade that _selfish_ -People to think it for their Interest to declare War against _France_ -and _Spain_ at the critical Time that we are at Variance with those -Crowns. We are to consider this Juncture as the Harvest Season of the -_Dutch_. All the Markets we are shut out from by the War, are open to -them by a Neutrality. But what I believe weighs not a little with them, -is, that they dread embarking with us ever since they perceived that the -Views of our Statesmen have tended more towards _H——r_ than _England_. -’Tis that observable Bias to a _Foreign Interest_ that will deter the -_States-General_, if my Lord _C——_ does not succeed in his Embassy. - -_Broad_. Perhaps they may conceive better Hopes from the new -Administration. - -Sir _John_. Perhaps they might, had the Administration been _new_. But -as it is no more than an old Garment patch’d with new Cloth, I fear the -_Dutch_ will hardly alter their Plan on any Assurances such a motley -M——y can give them. They may think, and perhaps too truly, that the same -Measures will be follow’d, the same _Interest_ be pursued, since the -Majority, and the chief in Office of the A——n, are of the old Stamp. And -they as truly may think, that neither Harmony nor Success can attend -Counsels jarring between two different separate _Interests_. While the -Interest of _H——r_ clashes with that of _England_, we must neither -expect Harmony with the _Dutch_, nor Success in our Wars. - -_Over_. Nor in any thing else, I think. Would to God we could join that -precious _Manor_ to the _Orcades_, or send it adrift to _Lapland_ or the -_North Cape_. - -_Blunt_. Since we can do neither, would to God our Statesmen would shew -themselves to be _Englishmen_! - -_Over_. Since we are got in the praying Strain, let us all pray that our -_new_ M——y, or at least those lately _ingrafted_ upon the _old_, may not -become as arrant _H——ns_ as their grafted Predecessors, the late -_Deserters_. Let us all say, _Amen_. - - - _FINIS_. - - -[Illustration] - - ------------------------------------------------------------------------- - - - - - ● Transcriber’s Notes: - ○ Missing or obscured punctuation was silently corrected. - ○ Typographical errors were silently corrected. - ○ Inconsistent spelling and hyphenation were made consistent only - when a predominant form was found in this book. - ○ Text that was in italics is enclosed by underscores (_italics_). - - - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CHRISTMAS CHAT *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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