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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/35959-8.txt b/35959-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..25ba842 --- /dev/null +++ b/35959-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1592 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Widow's Vow, by Elizabeth Inchbald + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Widow's Vow + A Farce, in Two Acts + +Author: Elizabeth Inchbald + +Release Date: April 25, 2011 [EBook #35959] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + + + + + THE + WIDOW's VOW. + + A + FARCE, + IN TWO ACTS, + + + AS IT IS ACTED + AT THE THEATRE ROYAL, + _HAY-MARKET_. + + + LONDON: + + PRINTED FOR C. G. J. AND J. ROBINSON, PATER-NOSTER ROW. + 1786. + + + + +PROLOGUE, + +Written by Mr. HOLCROFT, + +Spoken by Mr. BANNISTER, jun. + + + Prologues, with caustic touch, have often tried + To probe your spleen, prove knaves and fools allied; + Have twisted words and wit ten thousand ways, + To shew that these are most degenerate days! + + A different task be ours.--We'll prove that you + Are wise and happy. Nay! tho' strange, 'tis true! + + First on your _safety_ think! now belles appear + By ample bulwarks guarded, front and rear! + Now male and female amble, side by side, + Exempt from harm, by breast-works fortify'd! + Here polygons defend Miss Molly's breast! + There horn-works hush the husband's fears to rest + By ramparts, daily rais'd, he's freed from cares; + If he'll but grant sufficient for repairs. + + Our strength thus prov'd, proceed we to disclose + How new-made wealth thro' new-made channels flows! + How rich we are, in medal-rust and rare things! + In copper coins, gilt pence and--Queen-Anne-farthings! + How shells, stuff'd monkies, and Cremonas old, + In hand of Auctioneer, are current gold! + He "Going! going!" cries. "The hammer's up! + "This fine antique! this Roman----_caudle-cup!_" + A gem so rare makes connoisseurs turn pale, + Fearful, alike, to purchase or to fail! + Hope trembles, starts, from lip to lip rebounds, + 'Till down she's knock'd by--Ah!--one thousand pounds! + The envied purchaser, with joy elate, + Pays for his prize by--selling his estate! + While _Smirk_, in florid style, words nicely plac'd, + Protests theee lot does, _anner_ to his taste! (_Mimicking._) + + Yes! sure you're happy! and should rest content, + Now landscapes are reduced fifteen per cent: + And Claude's and Titian's new-found wonders may + By new-made Peers be bought--if new-made Peers can pay. + + (_Assuming sorrow._) + + One thing, indeed, may well your peace invade, + Pawnbrokers! threaten you to leave off trade! (_Weeps._) + + (_Returning to his former chearful tone._) + + All things considered, now, while safety smiles, + And wealth inundates thus our Queen of isles; + While Vickery head defects so soon repairs, + And half unpeoples Greenland of her bears; + While exhibitions, galas and reviews, + Lisle-street, Vauxhall, the Abbey, Handel, Hughes, + Flutes, fiddles, trombos, double-drums, bassoons, + Mara, the speaking-figure, fish-balloons, + Earth-baths, live-eagles, such as never flew, + _L'Hercule du Roy!_ and General Jackoo! + While these create a round of such delight, + Sure, we may hope, you will not frown to-night! + While farces numerous as these go down, + Our farce may in its turn amuse the town; + And, smiling thus on Folly's vast career, + Sure not on us, alone, you'll be severe! + + + + +ADVERTISEMENT. + + + The WIDOW's VOW is indebted for the Plot of her Piece, and for the + Plot only, to _L'Hereuse Erreur_, a French Comedy of one Act, by M. + PATRAT, but to the Excellence of the English _Performers_ alone is + she indebted for its very flattering Success. + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONĘ. + + + Don Antonio, Mr. PARSONS. + Marquis, Mr. BANNISTER, jun. + Carlos, Mr. R. PALMER. + Servant, Mr. LYON. + Jerome, Mr. EDWIN. + + Countess, Mrs. BATES. + Donna Isabella, Mrs. RILEY. + Inis, Miss BRANCIN. + Ursula, Mrs. EDWIN. + Flora, Mrs. WELLS. + + _Scene a Village in Spain._ + + + + +THE + +WIDOW's VOW. + + + + +ACT I. + +SCENE I. + +_A Hall in a Castle._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME _and_ FLORA. + +FLORA. I Can't go at present, Mr. Jerome, for I expect my Lady every +moment to ring, and if I should be out of the way she will be angry; and +as I am but new in her service-- + +JEROME. She angry! Oh you don't know her yet--When you have been a day +or two with her you'll find she is never angry--She is the best tempered +creature--and were it not for her aversion to us men, she would not have +a fault. + +FLORA. Do you consider that as a fault, Mr. Jerome? + +JEROME. To be sure I do--For my part, I think she had much better be too +fond of us, as the rest of her sex are. + +FLORA. Pray, Mr. Jerome, what caused her aversion to the men? + +JEROME. I'll tell you, Flora, if it wo'nt make you melancholy. + +FLORA. Oh, no, Mr. Jerome--I like a melancholy story--I like dearly to +cry, when it is not on my own account. + +JEROME. Well then--When my Lady was only fifteen she fell deep in love +with a fine handsome young fellow, inferior to her both in rank and +fortune; but my good old Lord, her father, who doated upon her, was +afraid a disappointment might break her heart, and so consented to her +having him; but he proved so bad a husband that my poor old Master soon +died with grief. + +FLORA. Poor man! + +JEROME. Don't cry yet, there's something worse to come--My Lady, on +this, took such a dislike to her husband, that he died of grief too. + +FLORA. Indeed, Mr. Jerome, this is very moving. (_cries._) + +JEROME. On this-- + +FLORA. I hope there is nothing worse to come? + +JEROME. On this, my Lady made a vow to shut herself up from the whole +sex. + +FLORA. Well, that is more affecting than any of it. + +JEROME. And she immediately retired to this lonely castle, where, except +the house of Donna Isabella next door, we have not a neighbour for +miles; and even there we are strangers--for my part I have never so much +as seen Donna Isabella, or exchanged a word with any of the servants +since they came to the place--though indeed they have not been here +above eight days. + +FLORA. But how long has my Lady kept this vow of avoiding all your sex? + +JEROME. Eighteen months. + +FLORA. Eighteen weeks! what a time! + +JEROME. Months. + +FLORA. Months! she has certainly lost her senses. + +JEROME. Not she. + +FLORA. O but I am sure she must have lost some of them. + +JEROME. I tell you no.--But I must leave you now, Mrs. Flora, for yonder +is Don Antonio, and I believe he is coming this way. + +FLORA. I thought no man was admitted into the castle but you, Mr. +Jerome? + +JEROME. Yes; Don Antonio lives here--but then he is my Lady's uncle; and +you know there can be no fear of her falling in love with him, as he is +a relation. + +FLORA. But _you_ are no relation, Mr. Jerome. + +JEROME. Why, as you say, she might fall in love with me--Stranger things +have happened--and to tell you the truth, she does not seem positive she +shan't, for she bids me keep out of her sight as much as possible, for +fear I should put her in mind of that handsome villain that brought her +to this retirement. + +FLORA. Here comes the old Gentleman! + +JEROME. Then I must go, for he'll be wanting to say something to you--he +is for ever running after all the maids--I am sorry to leave you--I am, +indeed, Flora; indeed I am--Oh it would be a happy thing for me if I +could bring myself to care as little for the women, as my Lady does for +the men. [_Exit Jerome._ + +FLORA. A fine sweetheart, truly, I have got--and if this old fright +proves another, I'll be even with him. + + + _Enter_ ANTONIO--_She courtesys_ + +ANTONIO. Hah!--what!--what is all this!--what have we here?--what have +we here?--a pretty girl--a very pretty girl indeed!--My niece's new +maid, I suppose--Aye, aye, I had the other sent about her business--She +must be like her mistress forsooth, and have nothing to say to a +man--(_going up to Flora_) My dear, come this way--I think your's is a +new face-- + +FLORA. Yes, Sir--and I think your's is an old one. + +ANTONIO. Hem--hem.--Pray what is your name? + +FLORA. A very good name--and I intend never to change it for a bad +one.-- + +ANTONIO. Look in my face--What do you blush for? + +FLORA. For you. + +ANTONIO. Come, come, no pertness--but let me bid you welcome to the +castle. (_offers to salute her._) + +FLORA. No, indeed you shan't. + +ANTONIO. I will bid you welcome to the castle. (_after a struggle he +salutes her._) + +FLORA. Upon my word, Sir, you are very rude--How would you like I should +serve _you_ so? + +ANTONIO. Do--Do--serve me so--you are very welcome. + + + _Enter_ JEROME. + +JEROME. Flora, there's a young woman at the gate, who says she lives +with Donna Isabella, and wants to speak to you upon some particular +business--Can your Honor spare her with no inconvenience to yourself? + +ANTONIO. Yes--Yes--she may go--(_Exit Flora and Jerome_) A young woman +at the gate, now do I want to bid _her_ welcome to the castle--a maid +of Donna Isabella, our neighbour--by the bye I must bring about an +acquaintance with Donna Isabella and the Countess my niece, if I can, +for I am told Isabella is a very beautiful lady--and I should like to +bid _her_ welcome to the castle--but, notwithstanding all the pains I +have taken, ever since she has arrived, to procure a sight of her, I +have not been able--I would, however, force myself into the house, but +it seems she has a young brother, the Marquis, come down on a visit +to her within these three days, and he might take upon him to resent +my gallantry--and I can't say I am fond of resentments, rage and +hatred--no, no, the _softer_ passions possess me wholly. [_Exit._ + + +SCENE II. + +_A Chamber at_ DONNA ISABELLA'S. + + + _Enter_ ISABELLA _followed by the_ MARQUIS. + +MARQUIS. But my dear sister, did not you seduce me to this melancholy +spot, on a promise that you would procure me an introduction to the +rich widow, the charming Countess?--Interest first prompted my wishes, +but since I have beheld her, it is love. + +ISABEL. Beheld her! + +MARQUIS. Yes, beheld her--walking in her garden--sitting negligently in +an arbor. + +ISABEL. But how?--How contrive to see her?-- + +MARQUIS. From the top of our house, through a telescope--but, my dear +sister, do bring us a little nearer, or I'll purchase a speaking +trumpet, and make love to her through it, though my passion be heard +by every soul within a quarter of a mile. + +ISABEL. I tell you I have great hopes. + +MARQUIS. But why not accept of her acquaintance, and prevail on her +yourself to see me? + +ISABEL. I tell you again, the letters I expect from her uncle at Madrid +will have more weight than volumes I could say--She dare not disobey +him, and _must_ see you. + +MARQUIS. And yet I would not compel her to it--Unless she consents to my +acquaintance freely, without being constrained by force, or deceived by +stratagem, I had rather have recourse to the top of the house and my +telescope again. + +ISABEL. Do not let your scrupulous honor overcome all your future +prospects--Notwithstanding these letters will strongly recommend +you, yet it will be with her own consent only she will yield to the +recommendation. + +MARQUIS. But when do you expect the letters? + +ISABEL. Every instant--my servants are now gone to the Post office. + +MARQUIS. I'll fly and see if they are returned. + +ISABEL. Do; for as soon as the letters are arrived, I would not have you +lose a moment but away, and know your fate at once--yet if she will but +see you I think with such a person as your's, there can be little to +fear. + +MARQUIS. But they tell me she is so austere since this rigid vow--so +awful--she will petrify me with a look. + +ISABEL. Pshaw--away, and see if the letters are come. + +MARQUIS. I will, and if they are, and I gain admittance, I'm resolved I +will obtain you a husband within a week, in return, my dear sister, for +your kindness to me. [_Exit Marquis._ + + + _Enter_ INIS. + +ISABEL. Well, Inis--I am impatient to hear--What success? + +INIS. Delightful, Madam--I have been introduced to the young Countess--I +first communicated the intelligence of the pretended plot forming against +her to her waiting-woman, who was sufficiently alarmed at it, to take me +to her Lady immediately. + +ISABEL. Well. + +INIS. And so, Madam, as soon as I was introduced I fell a crying--I +thought that was the best way. + +ISABEL. Very well. + +INIS. And then, before I discovered what I had to say, I made her +promise not to betray me, which she did most solemnly, and without the +least reluctance--and now, Madam, says I, I live servant with your +neighbour, Donna Isabella, a flighty Lady, who turns every thing serious +and sacred into ridicule; and she has resolved to make sport of you for +pretending an aversion to men, and for that purpose she has procured +recommendations for you to receive the visits of the young Marquis her +brother, but instead of him, she purposes to come herself, disguised as +a man, prevail on you to consent to be married to her, and then throw +off the mask, and make you and your vow the jest of the whole kingdom. + +ISABEL. This is all right--go on. + +INIS. On this she thanked me a thousand times for the discovery. + +ISABEL. But did she say she would receive me? + +INIS. Oh yes--she has promised to receive you on my account, that my +divulging the scheme may not be detected. + +ISABEL. And she is absolutely resolved to receive _me_ under the title +of my brother? + +INIS. You may depend upon it--but how are you to proceed now? + +ISABEL. Send my brother to her immediately. + +INIS. Your brother! + +ISABEL. Yes--The Countess, from what you have told her, will suppose +him a woman, receive him, and consequently suffer a thousand endearing +familiarities; till, charmed by the graces of his mind and person, she +shall love him without _knowing_ it, and, when she detects the impostor, +be unable to part with him. + +INIS. And if she is like me, she'll think it the happiest day of her +life--but have you prepared your brother how to act his part? + +ISABEL. He has nothing to _act_, being the very person he represents, +and therefore shall not know of the art by which he is introduced--for, +except being a little too attentive to dress and etiquette, a circumstance +which, with his youthful appearance, favours our design, he is one of +the most amiable young men in the world, and the least idea of imposition +would shock his honour, and put an end to my scheme. + +INIS. Then he is not to know he is to be taken for a woman. + +ISABEL. Certainly not--Hush, here he is, now for my credentials. +(_taking out letters from her pocket._) + + + _Enter_ MARQUIS. + +MARQUIS. Oh, my dear sister, there are no letters arrived. + +ISABEL. Yes, here they are--(_Gives a packet of letters_) my maid has +just brought them me. + +MARQUIS. O with what joy I receive them--they are all right?--There will +be no mistake I hope?--Nothing to make me appear ridiculous?--I would +not appear ridiculous for the world. + +ISABEL. All is right--No, no. + +MARQUIS. They are addressed to her uncle! + +ISABEL. Yes, because it will be far more delicate to be introduced +through his means--but there is one enclosed to her. + +MARQUIS. D'ye think she'll see me? + +ISABEL. Yes; I dare say--There is little doubt of it. + +INIS. By my dream last night, I'd lay my life she will. + +MARQUIS. Why, what did you dream? + +INIS. I dreamt she ordered her servants to drag your Lordship by force +out of the house, and duck you in the great fish-pond for a whole hour. + +MARQUIS. Is that a sign?-- + +INIS. O yes--Dreams always go by contraries. + +MARQUIS. (_Going, returns._) But I know she is so haughty and reserved, +that, _should_ she admit me, I shall appear confused and awkward.-- + +INIS. So much the better--she expects you'll be awkward. + +MARQUIS. Expects I shall be awkward! + +ISABEL. Pshaw, pshaw--Hesitate no longer with your fears, but away--you +know your first court must be to the uncle, and when you have been a +little time in the house your apprehensions will vanish.--Away, away. + +MARQUIS. But if she should not condescend to see me? + +INIS. Oh, my Lord, you may depend upon it she will, because of my dream. + +(_Exit Marquis on one side and Isabella and Inis on the other._) + + + +SCENE III. + +_The Hall in the Castle._ + + + _Enter_ FLORA _and_ JEROME. + +FLORA. Ha, ha, ha, ha. + +JEROME. Ha, ha, ha, ha--But is all this matter of fact? + +FLORA. As true as I am alive, Jerome--I have done nothing but laugh ever +since I heard it--But do you think, Jerome, she'll be drest all over +like a man? + +JEROME. To be sure. + +FLORA. What, every thing? + +JEROME. Yes--Every thing--Egad, I long to have a peep at her! + +FLORA. Aye, and so would Antonio too, if he knew.-- + +JEROME. Aye, that he would--he'd be so fond of the young Marquis there +would be no keeping him away from her--but he does not know of it, you +say? + +FLORA. No; no soul knows of it yet but my Lady and I, and now I have +told it to you; and I am to tell it to all the servants as soon as she +comes, that they may not think my Lady has broken her vow, by admitting +a man--Lord, I wonder how I should look in men's clothes! + +JEROME. There's the Priest's old great cloak, doublet, and jack-boots +hanging up behind that door, if you have a mind to try, and I'll step +out of the way till you have put them on. + (_A loud rapping at the door._) + +FLORA. Here she is--Here she is--Oh dear--Oh dear--how ashamed I am for +her. + +JEROME. And I wish I may die if so ben't I. (_Covering his eyes._) + +FLORA. And yet somehow I long to see her! (_Another rapping._) + +FLORA. Run, Jerome, run. + +JEROME. This moment (_turning back_) but I am so afraid I shall laugh. + +FLORA. O no--Don't laugh--if you do you will spoil all, and my Lady will +never forgive you. + +JEROME. Well--I won't--I won't, if I can help it--I'll look so--just so, +if I can--as serious as a judge--will that do? (_looking serious._) + +FLORA. Yes; that will do. (_Rapping again._) + +JEROME. (_Going._) Ha, ha, ha, ha--I can't help laughing a little +though--but not before her--I'll be as serious as a judge before her. +(_aside_) Egad I am afraid--I am afraid I shall laugh. + (_Exit, stifling a laugh._) +FLORA. Now where shall I run to have a peep at her?--in here. + [_Exit Flora._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME, _bowing before the_ MARQUIS, _with his face on one + side, as if he was afraid to look at him for fear he should laugh_. + +MARQUIS. Let Don Antonio know I have letters for him. + +JEROME. Yes, your Honour--Lordship. (_Lifting up his eyes, looking at +him with side glances, and with difficulty stifling a laugh._) Your +Honour, your Lordship--Let Don Antonio--know--you--have--letters--for +--him. (_Suppressing a laugh._) + +MARQUIS. Yes; is not that plain? + +JEROME. Yes. (_still suppressing a laugh._) And he'll be very glad to +wait upon your Honour. [_Laughs right out and exit._ + +MARQUIS. A strange fellow this--How my heart beats! + +FLORA. (_from a door._) Oh that she would but turn this way, that I +might see her face--Oh the impudent slut. + + + _Enter_ JEROME _with a grin on his face_. + +JEROME. Noble Lord, Don Antonio will be here immediately. (_Then laughs +and stares at him from head to foot._) Here he is. + + + _Enter_ ANTONIO. + +(_The Marquis bows very respectfully whilst Jerome is laughing and +making faces behind._) + +MARQUIS. Letters, my Lord, from your brother at Madrid. + +ANTONIO. Signior. (_Taking the letters._) + +MARQUIS. (_aside while Antonio reads._) Heavens, whence this palpitation? +If such are the feelings of my bosom on knowing myself in the same house +with her, what must be my agitation on a nearer approach! + +ANTONIO. My letters inform me it is the Marquis who does me the honour +of this visit--My Lord, your Lordship-- + +JEROME. Ha, ha, ha. + +ANTONIO. What's the matter with you? + +JEROME. Sir, I was only-- + +ANTONIO. Only what? Leave the room. + +JEROME. (_Aside._) Well I thought the old Don would have found out a +woman in any disguise. [_Exit._ + +ANTONIO. My Lord, you may command my services and friendship, but I +fear you will not rate them so highly as I could wish, as you must be +debarred the acquaintance and society of my niece--You are no stranger +to the vow she has taken? + +MARQUIS. I am not--and yet I flatter myself the manner in which I am +spoken of in these letters-- + +ANTONIO. Be certain, Sir, my niece shall receive them, urged with all +my authority for an interview. Will your Lordship take a turn in the +garden while I deliver them and enforce their contents? + +MARQUIS. I will--and should you prove successful, Don Antonio, I shall +ever retain the deepest sense of the obligation. [_Exit Marquis._ + + + _Enter the_ COUNTESS. + +ANTONIO. Niece, I was this moment coming to you, to bring you these +letters from your uncle at Madrid, which you will find recommend, in the +strongest manner, to your acquaintance, no other than the young Marquis +our neighbour--as fine a youth as ever I saw. + +COUNTESS. Ha, ha, ha--is he arrived?-- + +ANTONIO. Now in the house--What is the matter?--Did you hear of his +intended visit? + +COUNTESS. Yes--Ha, ha, ha--how does he look? + +ANTONIO. Delightfully--I don't think I ever saw a handsomer man. + +COUNTESS. _Man!_--Ha, ha, ha, I dare say he looks a little awkward? + +ANTONIO. Aukward! No; he is as elegant in his deportment, and as fine, +as finished a young fellow as ever I saw. + +COUNTESS. (_After looking over the letter._) Certainly, I shall comply +with my uncle's request--Let his Lordship be admitted. + +ANTONIO. Niece, I always knew you could not keep your vow--I always knew +the very first man that came in your way--crash it would go directly, +but let me persuade you to break it by degrees, and not let the world +say you made no struggle first. + +COUNTESS. Struggle! Now, my dear Uncle, with all your deep discernment, +particularly in regard to our sex, to see you at last imposed upon +delights me. + +ANTONIO. Imposed upon! + +COUNTESS. Yes; for this self-same Marquis is a woman. + +ANTONIO. A woman! + +COUNTESS. Yes; this "fine, elegant creature." + +ANTONIO. That is, then, the very reason why I thought her so--"a fine +creature,"--now that is intuition, instinct, love without knowing +it--But, my dear niece, are you sure you are right? Are you sure you +don't deceive me? Don't disappoint me--I can't bear a disappointment in +a matter like this--I am vastly pleased, and a disappointment might be +fatal. + +COUNTESS. I assure you again a woman--sister to the Marquis--and has +undertaken this scheme purely to make love to me, and turn me into +ridicule. + +ANTONIO. Now I think of it again, she _was_ devilish awkward--and I +believe wore her sword on the wrong side. + +COUNTESS. It is she herself depend upon it. + +ANTONIO. To be sure it is--and I'll be hang'd if it did not strike me +to be a woman the moment I laid my eyes on her--for she came up to me +slipping and sliding, and tossing her head, just as the fine ladies do. +(_Mimicks._) Well--But what do you intend to do? I know what I intend to +do. + +COUNTESS. I shall carry on the scheme, and pretend to be deceived, till +I turn the joke she designs for me, on herself. + +ANTONIO. Yes; and I intend to have _my_ joke too. + +COUNTESS. But you must keep the secret. + +ANTONIO. I wo'nt say a word. + +COUNTESS. Take his Lordship into the saloon, and I'll wait upon him +immediately. + +ANTONIO. Aye, my dear--and you need not be in a hurry--Egad, I like the +joke of all things. [_Exit._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME _and_ FLORA. + +FLORA. Dear my Lady, have you seen her? + +COUNTESS. Not yet. + +FLORA. Well, I declare she looks as like a man! + +COUNTESS. I shall certainly laugh in her face. + +JEROME. Oh no, don't laugh--Never give your mind to laughing--I did not +even smile, but kept my countenance as steady--just thus--Did not I, +Flora? Oh--'tis such a weakness to laugh--Look just so--as I do now-- + +COUNTESS. I must away to the trial, however--come with me to the door, +Flora. + +JEROME. And be sure you don't laugh--Think on me, and keep your +countenance--if you can. + +(_Exit Countess and Flora on one side and Jerome on the other._) + + +END OF THE FIRST ACT. + + + + +ACT II. + +SCENE I. + +_The Hall in the Castle._ + + + _Enter_ FLORA. + +Dear me, what a pretty footman she has brought with her!--he made me +such a fine bow as I past--and looked so grand--here he is. + + + _Enter_ CARLOS _and bows--She courtesies_. + +FLORA. O Lord, I hope this is not a woman too! but I dare say it +is--Lord what a pity! but I'll talk to him, and I shall soon be able to +find out--and if he does not fall in love with me, I'll conclude it +can't be a man. [_aside._ + +CARLOS. A very pretty girl. (_aside._) Your humble servant, my dear +angel. + +FLORA. Too conceited for a man. (_aside._) + +CARLOS. May I venture, on so slight an acquaintance to protest to you-- + +FLORA. No--he protests--'tis a man. [_aside._ + +CARLOS. Permit me to assure you-- + +FLORA. Sir! + +CARLOS. What thus takes up your attention? + +FLORA. A doubt I have. + +CARLOS. Do you entertain any doubts of me? + +FLORA. Yes--Indeed I do. + +CARLOS. What are they? + +FLORA. I have been trying to put this bunch of ribbons into a right form +for my Lady's hair, and I hardly know how. + +CARLOS. Let me try. (_She gives the ribbons._) + +FLORA. Now shall I see by the dexterity, whether it is a woman or not. + [_aside._ + +CARLOS. There--I'll be hanged if I have not done it to a nicety. +(_Returns the ribbons._) + +FLORA. 'Tis a woman, pshaw. (_Aside and sighing._) + +CARLOS. Now I must beg a kiss for my pains. (_Kisses her._) + +FLORA. No--it must be a man. + +CARLOS. My charming-- + +FLORA. For Heaven's sake go about your business, for here comes a +fellow-servant of mine. + +CARLOS. I am going into the grove, will you come there presently? + +FLORA. Yes--perhaps I may--only begone now. + +CARLOS. But you'll come? + +FLORA. Yes--I think I will. + +CARLOS. I shall wait for you. [_Exit._ + + + _Enter_ URSULA. + +URSULA. So, Mrs. Flora, I give you joy of your new sweetheart--For +shame, for shame, I saw what passed. + +FLORA. Lord bless you--it is only a woman. + +URSULA. A woman! + +FLORA. Aye, in men's clothes, like the master, and so there could be no +harm you know. + +URSULA. I did not know the servant was a woman too! + +FLORA. Why, I am not sure of it--but I thought so when I let him kiss +me, and I thought so when I promised to meet him in the grove--and I +will e'en go--for I dare say 'tis only a woman. + +URSULA. Aye, now I think of it again, I am sure it is not a man--Do you +suppose a Lady in disguise, would take a man-servant to attend her? + +FLORA. Very true; and I wish, Ursula, you would go instead of me to the +grove, for I am so busy just at this time-- + +URSULA. And yet old Jerome says, and I never knew Jerome mistaken in my +life, he says it is a man--however, _I_ am not afraid of him if it is, +and I _will_ go instead of you. + +FLORA. No, Ursula--I will go after all--for if it _should_ prove a man, +and he should behave rude to you, oh! my dear Ursula, I should never be +happy, that I did not take it all upon myself. [_Exeunt separately._ + + +SCENE II. + +_A Parlour in the Castle._ + +_The_ COUNTESS, _the_ MARQUIS, _and_ DON ANTONIO _discovered sitting_. + + +ANTONIO. And so, my Lord, you once thought of the army--Do you think you +should stand your ground in a battle. (_Laughing to himself._) + +MARQUIS. Sir! (_Surprized._) + +ANTONIO. (_Aside._) Damn me but she has a good leg. + +COUNTESS. Your Lordship seems formed for the service of a softer Deity; +an occupation less perilous than that of war. + +ANTONIO. Aye, that you do. + +MARQUIS. Pardon me, Madam, the Deity you allude to, I fear may be yet +more fatal, unless you will kindly fight on my side. + +ANTONIO. Ha, ha, ha, I can't help laughing to think what a pretty +soldier you would make--You look vastly like a soldier to be sure.--Ha, +ha, ha. + +MARQUIS. Why not, Sir? (_Angrily._) + +ANTONIO. Nay, no offence--Damn me if I should not like to command a +whole regiment of you--and I would go upon some new achievements--For +instance, say the enemy were Hotten-tots, I would undertake to poison +them all by the scent of perfumes from my army--or in case of a repulse, +would engage at any time to raise a mist, and escape pursuit, only by +commanding every man to shake his head, and discharge the powder. + +MARQUIS. Upon my word, Sir, you are very pleasant. (_Forcing a smile._) + +ANTONIO. I am very glad your Lordship thinks so. + + + _Enter_ SERVANT. + +SERVANT. (_To Antonio._) Sir, you are wanted by a gentleman in the +parlour. + +ANTONIO. Pshaw--I'm busy--Who is it?--(_Servant whispers._) Well then I +must come. (_Exit Servant._) My Lord I take my leave for a minute, but +I shall soon be back. (_Aside._) How like a man she looks--Impudent +hussey. [_Exit._ + +MARQUIS. Your uncle's behaviour, Madam, has something in it rather +extraordinary--I hope I have not in any means offended him? + +COUNTESS. I can conceal my knowledge of her no longer. (_Aside._) Oh no, +my dear, not at all. + +MARQUIS. My dear! (_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. I declare I like you so well--so much better than I +expected--I can no longer treat you with cold reserve--Come sit down. +(_They sit._) + +MARQUIS. How kind is this! (_Drawing his chair near to her._) + +COUNTESS. (_Looking at him from head to foot._) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I +protest I can't help laughing--Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. + +MARQUIS. Ha, ha, ha, ha--I protest no more can I--Sure fate directed me +to this heavenly spot, where ceremony has no share in politeness. + +COUNTESS. And did you suppose I should use any ceremony with such a +sweet, sweet fellow as you? + +MARQUIS. Egad, I'll use no ceremony either. (_Aside._) Thus, on my +knees, let me pour my thanks. + +COUNTESS. Oh you artful creature! (_Stroking his cheek._) + +MARQUIS. Art! I disclaim it--and so do you.--You are all pure nature. + +COUNTESS. Well, I positively do think you one of the cleverest of your +whole sex. + +MARQUIS. Thank you--Thank you--my dearest creature. (_Kissing her +hand._) + +COUNTESS. So negligent--so easy--not the lead awkward or embarrassed! + +MARQUIS. Egad, I think you as little embarrassed to the full. (_Aside._) +My dear Madam, your charming society has inspired me. (_Salutes her._) + +COUNTESS. Now, if you were really a _man_, what would you _deserve_ for +that? + +MARQUIS. Madam! (_Astonished._) + +COUNTESS. I say, if you were _really_ a man, what would you deserve for +that freedom? + +MARQUIS. _Really_ a man! Why?--What?--Don't I look like a man? + +COUNTESS. Yes--that you do--and a sweet pretty man--Come, come, don't +be frightened--shake hands--I forgive you--forgive you all your +impertinence--and, carry the jest as far as you will, I am resolved +not to be angry. + +MARQUIS. I am very much obliged to you--infinitely obliged to you--I +assure you this favour--this honour.--I don't know what to say--She +absolutely puts me out of countenance. (_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. What confused?--Come, resume your gaiety--Come, come-- + +MARQUIS. Come, come, then. (_seizing her._) + + + _Enter_ DON ANTONIO. + +ANTONIO. Hah!--What! Struggling? + +COUNTESS. Oh, Uncle, I have been so ill-used by this Gentleman, that I +must beg you will resent his behaviour. + +MARQUIS. How! + +ANTONIO. Certainly, my dear, if you _have_ been used ill. + +COUNTESS. Most scandalously--Frighten her a little. (_Aside to +Antonio._) + +MARQUIS. Upon my honour, Sir-- + +ANTONIO. Zounds, Sir, my niece is one of the most reserved, prudent +young women--and whosoever offers an insult to her, it is my place, and +consistent but with my honour, to resent it.--How white she looks. +(_Aside._) + +MARQUIS. Sir, I shall not draw my sword before the Countess, and +therefore I beg you will put up your's. + +ANTONIO. And so I will, my poor Lady--I see it has frightened you--Here, +Niece, have you any hartshorn or drops at hand--the poor thing is +terrified out of her life. Come, come, my poor little creature--Poor +thing--Poor rogue. (_He goes up to sooth him, and the Marquis gives him +a blow._) + +MARQUIS. Don Antonio, this insolence shall receive the correction it +deserves. (_Draws._) + +COUNTESS. She is not in earnest, sure. (_Aside._) + +ANTONIO. I have received many a blow from a Lady, but never such a one +as this! + +MARQUIS. Do you dare to call me a Lady again, Sir? + +ANTONIO. A Lady, oh no--you are a tyger, a fury-- + +MARQUIS. I never met with such usage!--Damnation! + +ANTONIO. What a profligate she is! I did not think such a word could +come out of a woman's mouth! + +MARQUIS. How, Sir!--Dare to say that again, and I'll nail you to the +wall. + +ANTONIO. (_Retreating._) Why, what is all this about? I won't fight--I +only drew my sword to frighten you. + +MARQUIS. To frighten me!--Did you think I was to be frightened? + +ANTONIO. Why not? You see I am. + +MARQUIS. Yes, I see, and scorn you for it. + +COUNTESS. Why, Uncle, the tables are fairly turned upon you. + +ANTONIO. Yes, Niece, and I'm much obliged to you, for your advice in the +business--But you may depend upon it, I shall take care how I attempt to +frighten one of your sex again. (_Going._) + +MARQUIS. Come back, Sir, I insist upon your coming back, and recalling +what you have said--I insist upon your begging me pardon for your +impertinent insinuation.-- + +ANTONIO. What insinuation?--That I think you a female?--I am sure there +is no offence meant in that--for, when I suppose you a woman, I suppose +you what I like better than anything in the world; what I am never happy +without; and what I even make myself poor, despised, and ridiculous, in +the daily pursuit of. + +MARQUIS. And pray, Sir, in what, do I appear like a woman? + +ANTONIO. And pray, Sir, in what, does any of our modern coxcombs appear +like a man? and yet they don't scruple to call themselves men. + +MARQUIS. Then you will not recall your sentiments and beg my pardon? + +ANTONIO. Beg your pardon?--No--Yes, yes--Put on your petticoats, and +I'll fall at your feet as soon as you please.-- + +MARQUIS. I'll bear this no longer--Draw. (_Marquis draws._) + +ANTONIO. Here Jerome, Jerome, come and defend me, where it would be a +dishonour to defend myself. + + + _Enter_ JEROME. + +ANTONIO. See, Jerome, how my life is assailed. + +JEROME. Aye, your Honour, I always told you the women would be the death +of you at last. + +MARQUIS. You too, rascal!-- + +JEROME. Well, I declare with her sword in her hand, she is as fine a +creature as ever I saw!--Oh you audacious minx. + +MARQUIS. Scoundrel-- + +JEROME. Sure, your Honour, she must be the Maid of Orleans. + +MARQUIS. I am no maid, Sir. + +JEROME. I am sorry for your misfortune. + +MARQUIS. Don Antonio, this treatment I suppose you inflict as a just +recompence for my presumption in daring to hope for an alliance in +your family, spite of the prejudice which I knew the Countess had +conceived--I cannot deny the justice of the accusation--I came into +her house with the vain hope---- + +COUNTESS. By no means _vain_--I am ready to comply, be your hopes what +they will. + +MARQUIS. Can I believe what you say real? + +COUNTESS. Certainly--Were you going to say you hoped to marry me? If you +were, call the Priest, and we'll be married immediately. + +ANTONIO. Aye, if that is what your Lordship wants, the Priest shall tack +you together in five minutes. + +MARQUIS. This sudden consent staggers me--I was not prepared for it--one +likes a little preparation before marriage as well as before death. +(_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. What! you are cast down--alarmed--want to recant--but I won't +let you--You _shall_ marry me--I insist upon it. + +MARQUIS. What, directly? + +COUNTESS. Yes, directly--I am in a hurry. + +MARQUIS. I believe this is mere trifling--Swear you will marry me. + +COUNTESS. I do swear. + +MARQUIS. You are witness to the oath. + +ANTONIO AND JEROME. We are witness. + + + _Enter_ SERVANT _with_ DONNA ISABELLA _veiled_. + +SERVANT. A Lady, Madam, who says she is sister to the Marquis. + +COUNTESS. Has the Marquis more sisters than one? + +MARQUIS. No. + +ANTONIO. Then this, I suppose, is your brother? + +JEROME. Aye, in women's clothes--O dear, another fine sight! + +COUNTESS. Oh Heavens, if it is a man, take him out of the room or I +shall faint. + +MARQUIS. Sister Isabella, when I shall relate to you the strange +reception I have met with in this house, you will be amazed--but I think +you will sincerely rejoice at the final event of my visit, when I tell +you it is a solemn promise from this Lady to become my wife. + +ISABEL. I give you joy most unfeignedly. (_Pulls off her veil._). + +COUNTESS. It is a _woman_. + +ANTONIO. Aye, that it is--Madam, let me bid you welcome to the castle. +(_Goes and salutes her._) + +COUNTESS. (_To the Marquis._) Why, what are you--(_After trembling as if +much terrified_) an't _you_ a woman? + +ISABEL. Countess, I knew you never would have consented to have seen +the Marquis, had he been introduced into the house as a man, therefore +I formed this stratagem, unknown to him, thus to bring you together. + +MARQUIS. (_To the Countess._) Do not droop, my dearest wife. + +COUNTESS. And are you really the Marquis? What a strange blunder have I +made! + +MARQUIS. I am the Marquis--and it shall be my future care to banish for +ever from your memory, the recollection of that marriage which has been +the source of so much woe to you. + +ANTONIO. Donna Isabella, we are all infinitely obliged to you for this +stratagem, by which you have induced the Countess, innocently to break +a vow, which she could not have kept without drawing upon herself both +ridicule and melancholy--My dear Niece, depend upon it, there is but +_one_ vow a woman is authorized to take. + +COUNTESS. And what vow is that _one_ Uncle? + +ANTONIO. A vow to LOVE, HONOUR and OBEY. [_Exeunt omnes._ + + +THE END. + + + + + Just published, by G. G. J. and J. ROBINSON, + + I'LL TELL YOU WHAT! + + A COMEDY, in Five Acts, + As performed at the Theatre-Royal in the Hay-Market; + By Mrs. INCHBALD. + Price One Shilling and Sixpence, + + APPEARANCE IS AGAINST THEM, + A FARCE, Price One Shilling, + By the same AUTHOR. + + ALSO, + DUPLICITY, + AND + THE FOLLIES OF A DAY, + COMEDIES; + THE NOBLE PEASANT, + AND + THE CHOLERIC FATHERS, + OPERAS, + By THOMAS HOLCROFT; + Price One Shilling and Sixpence each. + + LIKEWISE, + THE SCOTTISH VILLAGE; or, + PITCAIRN-GREEN, + A POEM, + By Mrs. COWLEY, + Price Two Shillings. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE + +In a few instances, missing punctuation has been added and the occasional +comma at the end of speech changed to a full stop. + +The misspelling of the name Antonio as Antonis on the character's first +entrance has been corrected. In the prologue, the spelling theee has +been retained, since this is presumably part of the mimicry (the word is +evidently "the" rather than "thee"). + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Widow's Vow, by Elizabeth Inchbald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + +***** This file should be named 35959-8.txt or 35959-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/9/5/35959/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Widow's Vow + A Farce, in Two Acts + +Author: Elizabeth Inchbald + +Release Date: April 25, 2011 [EBook #35959] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + +</pre> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<h5>THE</h5> + +<h2>WIDOW's VOW.</h2> + +<h5>A</h5> + +<h3>FARCE,</h3> + +<h4><span class="wide">IN TWO ACTS,</span></h4> + +<h6>AS IT IS ACTED</h6> + +<h4>AT THE THEATRE ROYAL,<br /> +<br /> +<i>HAY-MARKET</i>.</h4> +<p> </p> +<hr class="tiny" /> +<p> </p> +<h5><span class="wide">LONDON</span>:</h5> + +<h6>PRINTED FOR C. G. J. AND J. ROBINSON, PATER-NOSTER ROW.<br /> +1786.</h6> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<h3><span class="wide">PROLOGUE,</span></h3> +<h4>Written by Mr. HOLCROFT,<br /> +<br /> +Spoken by Mr. BANNISTER, jun.</h4> + +<div class="center"> +<table class="sm" style="margin: 0 auto" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="prologue"> +<tr><td align="left">Prologues, with caustic touch, have often tried</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">To probe your spleen, prove knaves and fools allied;</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Have twisted words and wit ten thousand ways,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">To shew that these are most degenerate days!</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">A different task be ours.—We'll prove that you</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Are wise and happy. Nay! tho' strange, 'tis true!</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">First on your <i>safety</i> think! now belles appear</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">By ample bulwarks guarded, front and rear!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Now male and female amble, side by side,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Exempt from harm, by breast-works fortify'd!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Here polygons defend Miss Molly's breast!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">There horn-works hush the husband's fears to rest</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">By ramparts, daily rais'd, he's freed from cares;</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">If he'll but grant sufficient for repairs.</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Our strength thus prov'd, proceed we to disclose</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">How new-made wealth thro' new-made channels flows!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">How rich we are, in medal-rust and rare things!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">In copper coins, gilt pence and—Queen-Anne-farthings!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">How shells, stuff'd monkies, and Cremonas old,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">In hand of Auctioneer, are current gold!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">He "Going! going!" cries. "The hammer's up!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">"This fine antique! this Roman<span class="nowrap">——</span><i>caudle-cup!</i>"</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">A gem so rare makes connoisseurs turn pale,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Fearful, alike, to purchase or to fail!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Hope trembles, starts, from lip to lip rebounds,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">'Till down she's knock'd by—Ah!—one thousand pounds!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">The envied purchaser, with joy elate,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Pays for his prize by—selling his estate!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">While <i>Smirk</i>, in florid style, words nicely plac'd,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Protests theee lot does, <i>anner</i> to his taste! (<i>Mimicking.</i>)</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Yes! sure you're happy! and should rest content,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Now landscapes are reduced fifteen per cent:</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">And Claude's and Titian's new-found wonders may</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">By new-made Peers be bought—if new-made Peers can pay.</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="center">(<i>Assuming sorrow.</i>)</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">One thing, indeed, may well your peace invade,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Pawnbrokers! threaten you to leave off trade! (<i>Weeps.</i>)</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="center">(<i>Returning to his former chearful tone.</i>)</td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">All things considered, now, while safety smiles,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">And wealth inundates thus our Queen of isles;</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">While Vickery head defects so soon repairs,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">And half unpeoples Greenland of her bears;</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">While exhibitions, galas and reviews,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Lisle-street, Vauxhall, the Abbey, Handel, Hughes,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Flutes, fiddles, trombos, double-drums, bassoons,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Mara, the speaking-figure, fish-balloons,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Earth-baths, live-eagles, such as never flew,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"><i>L'Hercule du Roy!</i> and General Jackoo!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">While these create a round of such delight,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Sure, we may hope, you will not frown to-night!</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">While farces numerous as these go down,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Our farce may in its turn amuse the town;</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">And, smiling thus on Folly's vast career,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Sure not on us, alone, you'll be severe!</td></tr> +</table> +</div> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<h3>ADVERTISEMENT.</h3> + +<blockquote><p class="revind">The <span class="smallcaps">Author</span> of the <span class="big">WIDOW's VOW</span> is indebted for +the Plot of her Piece, and for the Plot only, to <i>L'Hereuse +Erreur</i>, a French Comedy of one Act, by <span class="smallcaps">M. Patrat</span>, +but to the Excellence of the English <i>Performers</i> +alone is she indebted for its very flattering Success.</p></blockquote> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3>DRAMATIS PERSONĘ.</h3> +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" summary="characters"> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Don Antonio,</td> <td align="left">Mr. <span class="smallcaps">Parsons</span>.</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Marquis,</td> <td align="left">Mr. <span class="smallcaps">Bannister</span>, jun.</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Carlos,</td> <td align="left">Mr. <span class="smallcaps">R. Palmer</span>.</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Servant, </td> <td align="left">Mr. <span class="smallcaps">Lyon</span>.</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Jerome, </td> <td align="left">Mr. <span class="smallcaps">Edwin</span>.</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Countess, </td> <td align="left">Mrs. <span class="smallcaps">Bates.</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Donna Isabella, </td> <td align="left">Mrs. <span class="smallcaps">Riley.</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Inis,</td> <td align="left">Miss <span class="smallcaps">Brancin.</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Ursula,</td> <td align="left">Mrs. <span class="smallcaps">Edwin.</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Flora,</td> <td align="left">Mrs. <span class="smallcaps">Wells.</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"> </td></tr> +<tr><td colspan="2" align="center"><i>Scene a Village in Spain.</i></td></tr> +</table> +</div> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<h4><span class="wide">THE</span></h4> +<h2><span class="wide">WIDOW's VOW.</span></h2> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> + +<h3><span class="wide">ACT I.</span></h3> +<p> </p> +<h4><span class="wide">SCENE I.</span></h4> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Hall in a Castle.</i></p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> JEROME <i>and</i> FLORA.</p></div> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> I Can't go at present, Mr. Jerome, for I +expect my Lady every moment to ring, +and if I should be out of the way she will be angry; +and as I am but new in her service—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> She angry! Oh you don't know her +yet—When you have been a day or two with +her you'll find she is never angry—She is +the best tempered creature—and were it not for +her aversion to us men, she would not have a +fault.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Do you consider that as a fault, Mr. +Jerome?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> To be sure I do—For my part, I +think she had much better be too fond of us, as +the rest of her sex are.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Pray, Mr. Jerome, what caused her +aversion to the men?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> I'll tell you, Flora, if it wo'nt make +you melancholy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Oh, no, Mr. Jerome—I like a melancholy +story—I like dearly to cry, when it is not +on my own account.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Well then—When my Lady was only +fifteen she fell deep in love with a fine handsome +young fellow, inferior to her both in rank +and fortune; but my good old Lord, her father, +who doated upon her, was afraid a disappointment +might break her heart, and so consented to +her having him; but he proved so bad a husband +that my poor old Master soon died with grief.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Poor man!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Don't cry yet, there's something +worse to come—My Lady, on this, took such a +dislike to her husband, that he died of grief +too.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Indeed, Mr. Jerome, this is very +moving. (<i>cries.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> On this—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> I hope there is nothing worse to +come?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> On this, my Lady made a vow to +shut herself up from the whole sex.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Well, that is more affecting than any +of it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> And she immediately retired to this +lonely castle, where, except the house of Donna +Isabella next door, we have not a neighbour for +miles; and even there we are strangers—for my +part I have never so much as seen Donna Isabella, +or exchanged a word with any of the servants since +they came to the place—though indeed they have +not been here above eight days.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> But how long has my Lady kept this +vow of avoiding all your sex?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Eighteen months.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Eighteen weeks! what a time!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Months.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Months! she has certainly lost her +senses.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Not she.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> O but I am sure she must have lost +some of them.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> I tell you no.—But I must leave you +now, Mrs. Flora, for yonder is Don Antonio, and +I believe he is coming this way.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> I thought no man was admitted into +the castle but you, Mr. Jerome?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Yes; Don Antonio lives here—but +then he is my Lady's uncle; and you know there +can be no fear of her falling in love with him, as +he is a relation.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> But <i>you</i> are no relation, Mr. Jerome.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Why, as you say, she might fall in +love with me—Stranger things have happened—and +to tell you the truth, she does not seem positive +she shan't, for she bids me keep out of her +sight as much as possible, for fear I should put her +in mind of that handsome villain that brought her +to this retirement.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Here comes the old Gentleman!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Then I must go, for he'll be wanting +to say something to you—he is for ever running +after all the maids—I am sorry to leave you—I +am, indeed, Flora; indeed I am—Oh it would be +a happy thing for me if I could bring myself to +care as little for the women, as my Lady does for +the men. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit Jerome.</i></span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> A fine sweetheart, truly, I have got—and +if this old fright proves another, I'll be even +with him.</p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Antonio</span>—<i>She courtesys</i></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Hah!—what!—what is all this!—what +have we here?—what have we here?—a +pretty girl—a very pretty girl indeed!—My +niece's new maid, I suppose—Aye, aye, I had the +other sent about her business—She must be like +her mistress forsooth, and have nothing to say to a +man—(<i>going up to Flora</i>) My dear, come this way—I +think your's is a new face—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Yes, Sir—and I think your's is an old +one.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Hem—hem.—Pray what is your +name?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> A very good name—and I intend never +to change it for a bad one.—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Look in my face—What do you +blush for?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> For you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Come, come, no pertness—but let +me bid you welcome to the castle. (<i>offers to salute her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> No, indeed you shan't.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> I will bid you welcome to the +castle. (<i>after a struggle he salutes her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Upon my word, Sir, you are very +rude—How would you like I should serve <i>you</i> +so?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Do—Do—serve me so—you are very +welcome.</p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> <span class="wide">JEROME</span>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Flora, there's a young woman at the +gate, who says she lives with Donna Isabella, and +wants to speak to you upon some particular business—Can +your Honor spare her with no inconvenience +to yourself?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Yes—Yes—she may go—(<i>Exit +Flora and Jerome</i>) A young woman at the gate, +now do I want to bid <i>her</i> welcome to the castle—a +maid of Donna Isabella, our neighbour—by the +bye I must bring about an acquaintance with +Donna Isabella and the Countess my niece, if I can, +for I am told Isabella is a very beautiful lady—and +I should like to bid <i>her</i> welcome to the castle—but, +notwithstanding all the pains I have taken, +ever since she has arrived, to procure a sight of her, +I have not been able—I would, however, force +myself into the house, but it seems she has a +young brother, the Marquis, come down on a visit +to her within these three days, and he might take +upon him to resent my gallantry—and I can't say +I am fond of resentments, rage and hatred—no, +no, the <i>softer</i> passions possess me wholly. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> + +<h4><span class="wide">SCENE II.</span></h4> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Chamber at</i> DONNA ISABELLA'S.</p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> ISABELLA <i>followed by the</i> MARQUIS.</p></div> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> But my dear sister, did not you seduce +me to this melancholy spot, on a promise that +you would procure me an introduction to the rich +widow, the charming Countess?—Interest first +prompted my wishes, but since I have beheld her, +it is love.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Beheld her!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Yes, beheld her—walking in her +garden—sitting negligently in an arbor.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> But how?—How contrive to see +her?—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> From the top of our house, through +a telescope—but, my dear sister, do bring us a +little nearer, or I'll purchase a speaking trumpet, +and make love to her through it, though my +passion be heard by every soul within a quarter of +a mile.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> I tell you I have great hopes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> But why not accept of her acquaintance, +and prevail on her yourself to see +me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> I tell you again, the letters I expect +from her uncle at Madrid will have more weight +than volumes I could say—She dare not disobey +him, and <i>must</i> see you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> And yet I would not compel her to +it—Unless she consents to my acquaintance freely, +without being constrained by force, or deceived +by stratagem, I had rather have recourse +to the top of the house and my telescope again.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Do not let your scrupulous honor +overcome all your future prospects—Notwithstanding +these letters will strongly recommend +you, yet it will be with her own consent only +she will yield to the recommendation.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> But when do you expect the letters?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Every instant—my servants are now +gone to the Post office.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I'll fly and see if they are returned.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Do; for as soon as the letters are arrived, +I would not have you lose a moment but +away, and know your fate at once—yet if she will +but see you I think with such a person as your's, +there can be little to fear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> But they tell me she is so austere +since this rigid vow—so awful—she will petrify +me with a look.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Pshaw—away, and see if the letters +are come.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I will, and if they are, and I gain +admittance, I'm resolved I will obtain you a +husband within a week, in return, my dear sister, +for your kindness to me.<span class="ex">[<i>Exit Marquis.</i></span></p> + +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> INIS.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Well, Inis—I am impatient to hear—What +success?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> Delightful, Madam—I have been introduced +to the young Countess—I first communicated +the intelligence of the pretended plot forming +against her to her waiting-woman, who was +sufficiently alarmed at it, to take me to her Lady +immediately.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Well.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> And so, Madam, as soon as I was introduced +I fell a crying—I thought that was the +best way.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Very well.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> And then, before I discovered what I had +to say, I made her promise not to betray me, +which she did most solemnly, and without the +least reluctance—and now, Madam, says I, I +live servant with your neighbour, Donna Isabella, +a flighty Lady, who turns every thing serious and +sacred into ridicule; and she has resolved to make +sport of you for pretending an aversion to men, +and for that purpose she has procured recommendations +for you to receive the visits of the +young Marquis her brother, but instead of him, +she purposes to come herself, disguised as a man, +prevail on you to consent to be married to her, +and then throw off the mask, and make you and +your vow the jest of the whole kingdom.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> This is all right—go on.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> On this she thanked me a thousand times +for the discovery.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> But did she say she would receive +me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> Oh yes—she has promised to receive you +on my account, that my divulging the scheme may +not be detected.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> And she is absolutely resolved to receive +<i>me</i> under the title of my brother?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> You may depend upon it—but how are +you to proceed now?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Send my brother to her immediately.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> Your brother!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Yes—The Countess, from what you +have told her, will suppose him a woman, receive +him, and consequently suffer a thousand endearing +familiarities; till, charmed by the graces of +his mind and person, she shall love him without +<i>knowing</i> it, and, when she detects the impostor, +be unable to part with him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> And if she is like me, she'll think it the +happiest day of her life—but have you prepared +your brother how to act his part?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> He has nothing to <i>act</i>, being the very +person he represents, and therefore shall not know +of the art by which he is introduced—for, except +being a little too attentive to dress and etiquette, +a circumstance which, with his youthful appearance, +favours our design, he is one of the most +amiable young men in the world, and the least +idea of imposition would shock his honour, and +put an end to my scheme.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> Then he is not to know he is to be taken +for a woman.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Certainly not—Hush, here he is, now +for my credentials. (<i>taking out letters from her +pocket.</i>)</p> +<p> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> MARQUIS.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Oh, my dear sister, there are no letters +arrived.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Yes, here they are—(<i>Gives a packet +of letters</i>) my maid has just brought them me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> O with what joy I receive them—they +are all right?—There will be no mistake I +hope?—Nothing to make me appear ridiculous?—I +would not appear ridiculous for the world.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> All is right—No, no.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> They are addressed to her uncle!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Yes, because it will be far more delicate +to be introduced through his means—but +there is one enclosed to her.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> D'ye think she'll see me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Yes; I dare say—There is little doubt +of it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> By my dream last night, I'd lay my life +she will.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Why, what did you dream?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> I dreamt she ordered her servants to +drag your Lordship by force out of the house, +and duck you in the great fish-pond for a whole +hour.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Is that a sign?—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> O yes—Dreams always go by contraries.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> (<i>Going, returns.</i>) But I know she +is so haughty and reserved, that, <i>should</i> she admit +me, I shall appear confused and awkward.—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> So much the better—she expects you'll +be awkward.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Expects I shall be awkward!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Pshaw, pshaw—Hesitate no longer +with your fears, but away—you know your first +court must be to the uncle, and when you have +been a little time in the house your apprehensions +will vanish.—Away, away.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> But if she should not condescend +to see me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Inis.</span> Oh, my Lord, you may depend upon it +she will, because of my dream.</p> + +<p class="center">(<i>Exit Marquis on one side and Isabella and Inis on +the other.</i>)</p> + +<p> </p> +<h4>SCENE III.</h4> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>The Hall in the Castle.</i></p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> FLORA <i>and</i> JEROME.</p> +</div> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha—But is all this matter +of fact?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> As true as I am alive, Jerome—I have +done nothing but laugh ever since I heard it—But +do you think, Jerome, she'll be drest all over like +a man?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> To be sure.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> What, every thing?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Yes—Every thing—Egad, I long to +have a peep at her!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Aye, and so would Antonio too, if he +knew.—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Aye, that he would—he'd be so fond +of the young Marquis there would be no keeping +him away from her—but he does not know of it, +you say?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> No; no soul knows of it yet but my +Lady and I, and now I have told it to you; and +I am to tell it to all the servants as soon as she +comes, that they may not think my Lady has +broken her vow, by admitting a man—Lord, I +wonder how I should look in men's clothes!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> There's the Priest's old great cloak, +doublet, and jack-boots hanging up behind that +door, if you have a mind to try, and I'll step out +of the way till you have put them on.</p> + +<p class="right">(<i>A loud rapping at the door.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Here she is—Here she is—Oh dear—Oh +dear—how ashamed I am for her.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> And I wish I may die if so ben't I.</p> + +<p class="right">(<i>Covering his eyes.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> And yet somehow I long to see her!</p> + +<p class="right">(<i>Another rapping.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Run, Jerome, run.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> This moment (<i>turning back</i>) but I +am so afraid I shall laugh.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> O no—Don't laugh—if you do you +will spoil all, and my Lady will never forgive +you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Well—I won't—I won't, if I can +help it—I'll look so—just so, if I can—as serious +as a judge—will that do? (<i>looking serious.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Yes; that will do. (<i>Rapping again.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> (<i>Going.</i>) Ha, ha, ha, ha—I can't help +laughing a little though—but not before her—I'll +be as serious as a judge before her. (<i>aside</i>) +Egad I am afraid—I am afraid I shall laugh.</p> + +<p class="right">(<i>Exit, stifling a laugh.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Now where shall I run to have a peep +at her?—in here.<span class="ex">[<i>Exit Flora.</i></span></p> + +<p class="revind"><i>Enter</i> JEROME, <i>bowing before the</i> MARQUIS, +<i>with his face on one side, as if he was afraid to look +at him for fear he should laugh</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Let Don Antonio know I have letters for him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Yes, your Honour—Lordship. (<i>Lifting +up his eyes, looking at him with side glances, and +with difficulty stifling a laugh.</i>) Your Honour, +your Lordship—Let Don Antonio—know—you—have—letters—for—him. +(<i>Suppressing a laugh.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Yes; is not that plain?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Yes. (<i>still suppressing a laugh.</i>) And +he'll be very glad to wait upon your Honour.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Laughs right out and exit.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> A strange fellow this—How my +heart beats!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> (<i>from a door.</i>) Oh that she would +but turn this way, that I might see her face—Oh +the impudent slut.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> JEROME <i>with a grin on his face</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Noble Lord, Don Antonio will be +here immediately. (<i>Then laughs and stares at him +from head to foot.</i>) Here he is.</p> +<p> </p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> ANTONIO.</p> + +<p>(<i>The Marquis bows very respectfully whilst Jerome +is laughing and making faces behind.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Letters, my Lord, from your brother +at Madrid.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Signior. (<i>Taking the letters.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> (<i>aside while Antonio reads.</i>) Heavens, +whence this palpitation? If such are the feelings +of my bosom on knowing myself in the same house +with her, what must be my agitation on a nearer +approach!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> My letters inform me it is the Marquis +who does me the honour of this visit—My +Lord, your Lordship—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Ha, ha, ha.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> What's the matter with you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Sir, I was only—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Only what? Leave the room.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> (<i>Aside.</i>) Well I thought the old +Don would have found out a woman in any disguise. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> My Lord, you may command my +services and friendship, but I fear you will not rate +them so highly as I could wish, as you must be debarred +the acquaintance and society of my niece—You +are no stranger to the vow she has taken?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I am not—and yet I flatter myself +the manner in which I am spoken of in these letters—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Be certain, Sir, my niece shall receive +them, urged with all my authority for an +interview. Will your Lordship take a turn in the +garden while I deliver them and enforce their contents?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I will—and should you prove successful, +Don Antonio, I shall ever retain the deepest +sense of the obligation. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit Marquis.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter the</i> COUNTESS.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Niece, I was this moment coming +to you, to bring you these letters from your uncle +at Madrid, which you will find recommend, in +the strongest manner, to your acquaintance, no +other than the young Marquis our neighbour—as +fine a youth as ever I saw.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Ha, ha, ha—is he arrived?—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Now in the house—What is the +matter?—Did you hear of his intended visit?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Yes—Ha, ha, ha—how does he +look?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Delightfully—I don't think I ever +saw a handsomer man.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> <i>Man!</i>—Ha, ha, ha, I dare say he +looks a little awkward?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Aukward! No; he is as elegant in +his deportment, and as fine, as finished a young +fellow as ever I saw.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> (<i>After looking over the letter.</i>) Certainly, +I shall comply with my uncle's request—Let +his Lordship be admitted.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Niece, I always knew you could not +keep your vow—I always knew the very first man +that came in your way—crash it would go directly, +but let me persuade you to break it by degrees, +and not let the world say you made no struggle +first.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Struggle! Now, my dear Uncle, +with all your deep discernment, particularly in +regard to our sex, to see you at last imposed upon +delights me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Imposed upon!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Yes; for this self-same Marquis +is a woman.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> A woman!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Yes; this "fine, elegant creature."</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> That is, then, the very reason why +I thought her so—"a fine creature,"—now that is +intuition, instinct, love without knowing it—But, +my dear niece, are you sure you are right? +Are you sure you don't deceive me? Don't disappoint +me—I can't bear a disappointment in a +matter like this—I am vastly pleased, and a disappointment +might be fatal.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I assure you again a woman—sister +to the Marquis—and has undertaken this scheme +purely to make love to me, and turn me into ridicule.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Now I think of it again, she <i>was</i> devilish +awkward—and I believe wore her sword on +the wrong side.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> It is she herself depend upon it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> To be sure it is—and I'll be hang'd +if it did not strike me to be a woman the moment +I laid my eyes on her—for she came up to me +slipping and sliding, and tossing her head, just as +the fine ladies do. (<i>Mimicks.</i>) Well—But what +do you intend to do? I know what I intend to +do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I shall carry on the scheme, and +pretend to be deceived, till I turn the joke she +designs for me, on herself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Yes; and I intend to have <i>my</i> +joke too.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> But you must keep the secret.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> I wo'nt say a word.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Take his Lordship into the saloon, +and I'll wait upon him immediately.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Aye, my dear—and you need not +be in a hurry—Egad, I like the joke of all +things.<span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> JEROME <i>and</i> FLORA.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Dear my Lady, have you seen her?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Not yet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Well, I declare she looks as like a +man!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I shall certainly laugh in her +face.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Oh no, don't laugh—Never give +your mind to laughing—I did not even smile, but +kept my countenance as steady—just thus—Did +not I, Flora? Oh—'tis such a weakness to laugh—Look +just so—as I do now—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I must away to the trial, however—come +with me to the door, Flora.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> And be sure you don't laugh—Think +on me, and keep your countenance—if +you can.</p> + +<p class="center">(<i>Exit Countess and Flora on one side and Jerome on +the other.</i>)</p> +<p> </p> +<h4><span class="wide">END of the FIRST ACT.</span></h4> +<p> </p> + +<hr class="minimal" /> + +<h3><span class="wide">ACT II.</span></h3> +<p> </p> +<h4><span class="wide">SCENE I.</span></h4> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>The Hall in the Castle.</i></p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> FLORA.</p></div> + +<p class="noindent">Dear me, what a pretty footman she has +brought with her!—he made me such a fine +bow as I past—and looked so grand—here he is.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> CARLOS <i>and bows—She courtesies</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> O Lord, I hope this is not a woman +too! but I dare say it is—Lord what a pity! but +I'll talk to him, and I shall soon be able to find +out—and if he does not fall in love with me, I'll +conclude it can't be a man. <span class="ex">[<i>aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> A very pretty girl. (<i>aside.</i>) Your +humble servant, my dear angel.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Too conceited for a man. (<i>aside.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> May I venture, on so slight an acquaintance +to protest to you—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> No—he protests—'tis a man. <span class="ex">[<i>aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> Permit me to assure you—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Sir!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> What thus takes up your attention?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> A doubt I have.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> Do you entertain any doubts of +me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Yes—Indeed I do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> What are they?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> I have been trying to put this bunch +of ribbons into a right form for my Lady's hair, +and I hardly know how.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> Let me try. (<i>She gives the ribbons.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Now shall I see by the dexterity, +whether it is a woman or not. <span class="ex">[<i>aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> There—I'll be hanged if I have not +done it to a nicety. (<i>Returns the ribbons.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> 'Tis a woman, pshaw.</p> +<p class="right">(<i>Aside and sighing.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> Now I must beg a kiss for my pains. <span class="ex">(<i>Kisses her.</i>)</span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> No—it must be a man.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> My charming—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> For Heaven's sake go about your +business, for here comes a fellow-servant of +mine.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> I am going into the grove, will you +come there presently?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Yes—perhaps I may—only begone +now.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> But you'll come?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Yes—I think I will.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Carlos.</span> I shall wait for you. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> URSULA.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ursula.</span> So, Mrs. Flora, I give you joy of +your new sweetheart—For shame, for shame, I +saw what passed.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Lord bless you—it is only a woman.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ursula.</span> A woman!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Aye, in men's clothes, like the master, +and so there could be no harm you know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ursula.</span> I did not know the servant was a +woman too!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Why, I am not sure of it—but I +thought so when I let him kiss me, and I thought +so when I promised to meet him in the grove—and +I will e'en go—for I dare say 'tis only a woman.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ursula.</span> Aye, now I think of it again, I am +sure it is not a man—Do you suppose a Lady in +disguise, would take a man-servant to attend +her?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> Very true; and I wish, Ursula, you +would go instead of me to the grove, for I am so +busy just at this time—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Ursula.</span> And yet old Jerome says, and I never +knew Jerome mistaken in my life, he says it +is a man—however, <i>I</i> am not afraid of him if it +is, and I <i>will</i> go instead of you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Flora.</span> No, Ursula—I will go after all—for +if it <i>should</i> prove a man, and he should behave +rude to you, oh! my dear Ursula, I should never +be happy, that I did not take it all upon myself. <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt separately.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> + +<h4><span class="wide">SCENE II.</span></h4> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Parlour in the Castle.</i></p> + +<p class="noindent"><i>The</i> COUNTESS, <i>the</i> MARQUIS, <i>and</i> DON +ANTONIO <i>discovered sitting</i>.</p></div> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> And so, my Lord, you once thought +of the army—Do you think you should stand +your ground in a battle. (<i>Laughing to himself.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Sir! (<i>Surprized.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> (<i>Aside.</i>) Damn me but she has a +good leg.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Your Lordship seems formed for +the service of a softer Deity; an occupation less +perilous than that of war.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Aye, that you do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Pardon me, Madam, the Deity you +allude to, I fear may be yet more fatal, unless you +will kindly fight on my side.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Ha, ha, ha, I can't help laughing +to think what a pretty soldier you would make—You +look vastly like a soldier to be sure.—Ha, +ha, ha.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Why not, Sir? (<i>Angrily.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Nay, no offence—Damn me if I +should not like to command a whole regiment of +you—and I would go upon some new achievements—For +instance, say the enemy were Hotten-tots, +I would undertake to poison them all by +the scent of perfumes from my army—or in case +of a repulse, would engage at any time to raise a +mist, and escape pursuit, only by commanding +every man to shake his head, and discharge the +powder.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Upon my word, Sir, you are very +pleasant. (<i>Forcing a smile.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> I am very glad your Lordship thinks +so.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> SERVANT.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Servant.</span> (<i>To Antonio.</i>) Sir, you are wanted +by a gentleman in the parlour.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Pshaw—I'm busy—Who is it?—(<i>Servant +whispers.</i>) Well then I must come. +(<i>Exit Servant.</i>) My Lord I take my leave for a +minute, but I shall soon be back. (<i>Aside.</i>) How +like a man she looks—Impudent hussey. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Your uncle's behaviour, Madam, +has something in it rather extraordinary—I hope +I have not in any means offended him?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I can conceal my knowledge of +her no longer. (<i>Aside.</i>) Oh no, my dear, not +at all.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> My dear! (<i>Aside.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I declare I like you so well—so +much better than I expected—I can no longer +treat you with cold reserve—Come sit down. (<i>They sit.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> How kind is this! (<i>Drawing his +chair near to her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> (<i>Looking at him from head to foot.</i>) +Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I protest I can't help laughing—Ha, +ha, ha, ha, ha.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha—I protest no +more can I—Sure fate directed me to this heavenly +spot, where ceremony has no share in politeness.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> And did you suppose I should use +any ceremony with such a sweet, sweet fellow as +you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Egad, I'll use no ceremony either. +(<i>Aside.</i>) Thus, on my knees, let me pour my +thanks.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Oh you artful creature! (<i>Stroking +his cheek.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Art! I disclaim it—and so do you.—You +are all pure nature.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Well, I positively do think you +one of the cleverest of your whole sex.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Thank you—Thank you—my +dearest creature. (<i>Kissing her hand.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> So negligent—so easy—not the +lead awkward or embarrassed!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Egad, I think you as little embarrassed +to the full. (<i>Aside.</i>) My dear Madam, +your charming society has inspired me. (<i>Salutes +her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Now, if you were really a <i>man</i>, +what would you <i>deserve</i> for that?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Madam! (<i>Astonished.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I say, if you were <i>really</i> a man, +what would you deserve for that freedom?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> <i>Really</i> a man! Why?—What?—Don't +I look like a man?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Yes—that you do—and a sweet +pretty man—Come, come, don't be frightened—shake +hands—I forgive you—forgive you all your +impertinence—and, carry the jest as far as you +will, I am resolved not to be angry.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I am very much obliged to you—infinitely +obliged to you—I assure you this favour—this +honour.—I don't know what to say—She +absolutely puts me out of countenance. (<i>Aside.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> What confused?—Come, resume +your gaiety—Come, come—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Come, come, then. (<i>seizing her.</i>)</p> + +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> DON ANTONIO.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Hah!—What! Struggling?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Oh, Uncle, I have been so ill-used +by this Gentleman, that I must beg you will +resent his behaviour.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> How!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Certainly, my dear, if you <i>have</i> been +used ill.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Most scandalously—Frighten her a +little. (<i>Aside to Antonio.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Upon my honour, Sir—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Zounds, Sir, my niece is one of the +most reserved, prudent young women—and whosoever +offers an insult to her, it is my place, and +consistent but with my honour, to resent it.—How +white she looks. (<i>Aside.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Sir, I shall not draw my sword before +the Countess, and therefore I beg you will +put up your's.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> And so I will, my poor Lady—I +see it has frightened you—Here, Niece, have you +any hartshorn or drops at hand—the poor thing +is terrified out of her life. Come, come, my poor +little creature—Poor thing—Poor rogue. (<i>He +goes up to sooth him, and the Marquis gives him a +blow.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Don Antonio, this insolence shall +receive the correction it deserves. (<i>Draws.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> She is not in earnest, sure. (<i>Aside.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> I have received many a blow from +a Lady, but never such a one as this!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Do you dare to call me a Lady +again, Sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> A Lady, oh no—you are a tyger, +a fury—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I never met with such usage!—Damnation!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> What a profligate she is! I did +not think such a word could come out of a woman's +mouth!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> How, Sir!—Dare to say that again, +and I'll nail you to the wall.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> (<i>Retreating.</i>) Why, what is all +this about? I won't fight—I only drew my sword +to frighten you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> To frighten me!—Did you think I +was to be frightened?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Why not? You see I am.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Yes, I see, and scorn you for it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Why, Uncle, the tables are fairly +turned upon you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Yes, Niece, and I'm much obliged +to you, for your advice in the business—But you +may depend upon it, I shall take care how I +attempt to frighten one of your sex again. (<i>Going.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Come back, Sir, I insist upon your +coming back, and recalling what you have said—I +insist upon your begging me pardon for your impertinent +insinuation.—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> What insinuation?—That I think +you a female?—I am sure there is no offence +meant in that—for, when I suppose you a woman, +I suppose you what I like better than anything +in the world; what I am never happy without; +and what I even make myself poor, despised, +and ridiculous, in the daily pursuit of.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> And pray, Sir, in what, do I appear +like a woman?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> And pray, Sir, in what, does any +of our modern coxcombs appear like a man? +and yet they don't scruple to call themselves +men.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Then you will not recall your +sentiments and beg my pardon?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Beg your pardon?—No—Yes, yes—Put +on your petticoats, and I'll fall at your feet +as soon as you please.—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I'll bear this no longer—Draw. (<i>Marquis draws.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Here Jerome, Jerome, come and +defend me, where it would be a dishonour to defend +myself.</p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> JEROME.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> See, Jerome, how my life is assailed.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Aye, your Honour, I always told +you the women would be the death of you at +last.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> You too, rascal!—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Well, I declare with her sword in +her hand, she is as fine a creature as ever I saw!—Oh +you audacious minx.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Scoundrel—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Sure, your Honour, she must be the +Maid of Orleans.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I am no maid, Sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> I am sorry for your misfortune.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Don Antonio, this treatment I +suppose you inflict as a just recompence for my +presumption in daring to hope for an alliance in +your family, spite of the prejudice which I knew +the Countess had conceived—I cannot deny the +justice of the accusation—I came into her house +with the vain hope<span class="nowrap">——</span></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> By no means <i>vain</i>—I am ready to +comply, be your hopes what they will.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Can I believe what you say real?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Certainly—Were you going to say +you hoped to marry me? If you were, call the +Priest, and we'll be married immediately.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Aye, if that is what your Lordship +wants, the Priest shall tack you together in +five minutes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> This sudden consent staggers me—I +was not prepared for it—one likes a little preparation +before marriage as well as before death. (<i>Aside.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> What! you are cast down—alarmed—want +to recant—but I won't let you—You +<i>shall</i> marry me—I insist upon it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> What, directly?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Yes, directly—I am in a hurry.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I believe this is mere trifling—Swear +you will marry me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> I do swear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> You are witness to the oath.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio and Jerome.</span> We are witness.</p> +<p> </p> +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> SERVANT <i>with</i> DONNA ISABELLA <i>veiled</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Servant.</span> A Lady, Madam, who says she is +sister to the Marquis.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Has the Marquis more sisters than +one?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> No.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Then this, I suppose, is your brother?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Jerome.</span> Aye, in women's clothes—O dear, +another fine sight!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> Oh Heavens, if it is a man, take +him out of the room or I shall faint.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> Sister Isabella, when I shall relate +to you the strange reception I have met with in +this house, you will be amazed—but I think you +will sincerely rejoice at the final event of my visit, +when I tell you it is a solemn promise from this +Lady to become my wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> I give you joy most unfeignedly. (<i>Pulls off her veil.</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> It is a <i>woman</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Aye, that it is—Madam, let me bid +you welcome to the castle. (<i>Goes and salutes her.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> (<i>To the Marquis.</i>) Why, what +are you—(<i>After trembling as if much terrified</i>) an't +<i>you</i> a woman?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Isabel.</span> Countess, I knew you never would +have consented to have seen the Marquis, had he +been introduced into the house as a man, therefore +I formed this stratagem, unknown to him, thus +to bring you together.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> (<i>To the Countess.</i>) Do not droop, +my dearest wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> And are you really the Marquis? +What a strange blunder have I made!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Marquis.</span> I am the Marquis—and it shall be +my future care to banish for ever from your memory, +the recollection of that marriage which has +been the source of so much woe to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> Donna Isabella, we are all infinitely +obliged to you for this stratagem, by which you +have induced the Countess, innocently to break a +vow, which she could not have kept without drawing +upon herself both ridicule and melancholy—My +dear Niece, depend upon it, there is but <i>one</i> +vow a woman is authorized to take.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Countess.</span> And what vow is that <i>one</i> Uncle?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Antonio.</span> A vow to <span class="smallcaps">LOVE</span>, <span class="smallcaps">HONOUR</span> and <span class="smallcaps">OBEY</span>.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt omnes.</i></p> + +<h4><span class="wide">THE END.</span></h4> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="small">Just published, by</span> G. G. J. <span class="small">and</span> J. ROBINSON,<br /> +<br /> +I'LL TELL YOU WHAT!<br /> +<br /> +A COMEDY, <span class="small">in Five Acts,</span><br /> +<span class="small">As performed at the Theatre-Royal in the Hay-Market;</span><br /> +<span class="small">By Mrs.</span> <span class="wide">INCHBALD</span>.<br /> +<span class="small">Price One Shilling and Sixpence,</span><br /> +<br /> +APPEARANCE IS AGAINST THEM,<br /> +A FARCE, <span class="small">Price One Shilling,</span><br /> +<span class="small">By the same </span>AUTHOR.<br /> +<br /> +<span class="small">ALSO,</span><br /> +DUPLICITY,<br /> +<span class="small">AND</span><br /> +THE FOLLIES OF A DAY,<br /> +<span class="wide">COMEDIES;</span><br /> +THE NOBLE PEASANT,<br /> +<span class="small">AND</span><br /> +THE CHOLERIC FATHERS,<br /> +<span class="wide">OPERAS,</span><br /> +<span class="small">By</span> THOMAS HOLCROFT;<br /> +<span class="small">Price One Shilling and Sixpence each.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="small">LIKEWISE,</span><br /> +THE SCOTTISH VILLAGE; or,<br /> +PITCAIRN-GREEN,<br /> +A POEM,<br /> +<span class="small">By Mrs.</span> COWLEY,<br /> +<span class="small">Price Two Shillings.</span><br /> +</p> +</div> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<table class="sm" border="0" style="background-color: #E6F6FA; margin: 0 auto" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="4" summary="NOTES"> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"> + <div class="center">TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE</div> + +<p style="background-color: #E6F6FA"> +In a few instances, missing punctuation has been added and the occasional comma at the +end of speech changed to a full stop.</p> + +<p>The misspelling of the name Antonio as Antonis on the character's first +entrance has been corrected. In the prologue, the spelling theee has +been retained, since this is presumably part of the mimicry (the word is +evidently "the" rather than "thee").</p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Widow's Vow, by Elizabeth Inchbald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + +***** This file should be named 35959-h.htm or 35959-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/9/5/35959/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Widow's Vow + A Farce, in Two Acts + +Author: Elizabeth Inchbald + +Release Date: April 25, 2011 [EBook #35959] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + + + + + THE + WIDOW's VOW. + + A + FARCE, + IN TWO ACTS, + + + AS IT IS ACTED + AT THE THEATRE ROYAL, + _HAY-MARKET_. + + + LONDON: + + PRINTED FOR C. G. J. AND J. ROBINSON, PATER-NOSTER ROW. + 1786. + + + + +PROLOGUE, + +Written by Mr. HOLCROFT, + +Spoken by Mr. BANNISTER, jun. + + + Prologues, with caustic touch, have often tried + To probe your spleen, prove knaves and fools allied; + Have twisted words and wit ten thousand ways, + To shew that these are most degenerate days! + + A different task be ours.--We'll prove that you + Are wise and happy. Nay! tho' strange, 'tis true! + + First on your _safety_ think! now belles appear + By ample bulwarks guarded, front and rear! + Now male and female amble, side by side, + Exempt from harm, by breast-works fortify'd! + Here polygons defend Miss Molly's breast! + There horn-works hush the husband's fears to rest + By ramparts, daily rais'd, he's freed from cares; + If he'll but grant sufficient for repairs. + + Our strength thus prov'd, proceed we to disclose + How new-made wealth thro' new-made channels flows! + How rich we are, in medal-rust and rare things! + In copper coins, gilt pence and--Queen-Anne-farthings! + How shells, stuff'd monkies, and Cremonas old, + In hand of Auctioneer, are current gold! + He "Going! going!" cries. "The hammer's up! + "This fine antique! this Roman----_caudle-cup!_" + A gem so rare makes connoisseurs turn pale, + Fearful, alike, to purchase or to fail! + Hope trembles, starts, from lip to lip rebounds, + 'Till down she's knock'd by--Ah!--one thousand pounds! + The envied purchaser, with joy elate, + Pays for his prize by--selling his estate! + While _Smirk_, in florid style, words nicely plac'd, + Protests theee lot does, _anner_ to his taste! (_Mimicking._) + + Yes! sure you're happy! and should rest content, + Now landscapes are reduced fifteen per cent: + And Claude's and Titian's new-found wonders may + By new-made Peers be bought--if new-made Peers can pay. + + (_Assuming sorrow._) + + One thing, indeed, may well your peace invade, + Pawnbrokers! threaten you to leave off trade! (_Weeps._) + + (_Returning to his former chearful tone._) + + All things considered, now, while safety smiles, + And wealth inundates thus our Queen of isles; + While Vickery head defects so soon repairs, + And half unpeoples Greenland of her bears; + While exhibitions, galas and reviews, + Lisle-street, Vauxhall, the Abbey, Handel, Hughes, + Flutes, fiddles, trombos, double-drums, bassoons, + Mara, the speaking-figure, fish-balloons, + Earth-baths, live-eagles, such as never flew, + _L'Hercule du Roy!_ and General Jackoo! + While these create a round of such delight, + Sure, we may hope, you will not frown to-night! + While farces numerous as these go down, + Our farce may in its turn amuse the town; + And, smiling thus on Folly's vast career, + Sure not on us, alone, you'll be severe! + + + + +ADVERTISEMENT. + + + The WIDOW's VOW is indebted for the Plot of her Piece, and for the + Plot only, to _L'Hereuse Erreur_, a French Comedy of one Act, by M. + PATRAT, but to the Excellence of the English _Performers_ alone is + she indebted for its very flattering Success. + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE. + + + Don Antonio, Mr. PARSONS. + Marquis, Mr. BANNISTER, jun. + Carlos, Mr. R. PALMER. + Servant, Mr. LYON. + Jerome, Mr. EDWIN. + + Countess, Mrs. BATES. + Donna Isabella, Mrs. RILEY. + Inis, Miss BRANCIN. + Ursula, Mrs. EDWIN. + Flora, Mrs. WELLS. + + _Scene a Village in Spain._ + + + + +THE + +WIDOW's VOW. + + + + +ACT I. + +SCENE I. + +_A Hall in a Castle._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME _and_ FLORA. + +FLORA. I Can't go at present, Mr. Jerome, for I expect my Lady every +moment to ring, and if I should be out of the way she will be angry; and +as I am but new in her service-- + +JEROME. She angry! Oh you don't know her yet--When you have been a day +or two with her you'll find she is never angry--She is the best tempered +creature--and were it not for her aversion to us men, she would not have +a fault. + +FLORA. Do you consider that as a fault, Mr. Jerome? + +JEROME. To be sure I do--For my part, I think she had much better be too +fond of us, as the rest of her sex are. + +FLORA. Pray, Mr. Jerome, what caused her aversion to the men? + +JEROME. I'll tell you, Flora, if it wo'nt make you melancholy. + +FLORA. Oh, no, Mr. Jerome--I like a melancholy story--I like dearly to +cry, when it is not on my own account. + +JEROME. Well then--When my Lady was only fifteen she fell deep in love +with a fine handsome young fellow, inferior to her both in rank and +fortune; but my good old Lord, her father, who doated upon her, was +afraid a disappointment might break her heart, and so consented to her +having him; but he proved so bad a husband that my poor old Master soon +died with grief. + +FLORA. Poor man! + +JEROME. Don't cry yet, there's something worse to come--My Lady, on +this, took such a dislike to her husband, that he died of grief too. + +FLORA. Indeed, Mr. Jerome, this is very moving. (_cries._) + +JEROME. On this-- + +FLORA. I hope there is nothing worse to come? + +JEROME. On this, my Lady made a vow to shut herself up from the whole +sex. + +FLORA. Well, that is more affecting than any of it. + +JEROME. And she immediately retired to this lonely castle, where, except +the house of Donna Isabella next door, we have not a neighbour for +miles; and even there we are strangers--for my part I have never so much +as seen Donna Isabella, or exchanged a word with any of the servants +since they came to the place--though indeed they have not been here +above eight days. + +FLORA. But how long has my Lady kept this vow of avoiding all your sex? + +JEROME. Eighteen months. + +FLORA. Eighteen weeks! what a time! + +JEROME. Months. + +FLORA. Months! she has certainly lost her senses. + +JEROME. Not she. + +FLORA. O but I am sure she must have lost some of them. + +JEROME. I tell you no.--But I must leave you now, Mrs. Flora, for yonder +is Don Antonio, and I believe he is coming this way. + +FLORA. I thought no man was admitted into the castle but you, Mr. +Jerome? + +JEROME. Yes; Don Antonio lives here--but then he is my Lady's uncle; and +you know there can be no fear of her falling in love with him, as he is +a relation. + +FLORA. But _you_ are no relation, Mr. Jerome. + +JEROME. Why, as you say, she might fall in love with me--Stranger things +have happened--and to tell you the truth, she does not seem positive she +shan't, for she bids me keep out of her sight as much as possible, for +fear I should put her in mind of that handsome villain that brought her +to this retirement. + +FLORA. Here comes the old Gentleman! + +JEROME. Then I must go, for he'll be wanting to say something to you--he +is for ever running after all the maids--I am sorry to leave you--I am, +indeed, Flora; indeed I am--Oh it would be a happy thing for me if I +could bring myself to care as little for the women, as my Lady does for +the men. [_Exit Jerome._ + +FLORA. A fine sweetheart, truly, I have got--and if this old fright +proves another, I'll be even with him. + + + _Enter_ ANTONIO--_She courtesys_ + +ANTONIO. Hah!--what!--what is all this!--what have we here?--what have +we here?--a pretty girl--a very pretty girl indeed!--My niece's new +maid, I suppose--Aye, aye, I had the other sent about her business--She +must be like her mistress forsooth, and have nothing to say to a +man--(_going up to Flora_) My dear, come this way--I think your's is a +new face-- + +FLORA. Yes, Sir--and I think your's is an old one. + +ANTONIO. Hem--hem.--Pray what is your name? + +FLORA. A very good name--and I intend never to change it for a bad +one.-- + +ANTONIO. Look in my face--What do you blush for? + +FLORA. For you. + +ANTONIO. Come, come, no pertness--but let me bid you welcome to the +castle. (_offers to salute her._) + +FLORA. No, indeed you shan't. + +ANTONIO. I will bid you welcome to the castle. (_after a struggle he +salutes her._) + +FLORA. Upon my word, Sir, you are very rude--How would you like I should +serve _you_ so? + +ANTONIO. Do--Do--serve me so--you are very welcome. + + + _Enter_ JEROME. + +JEROME. Flora, there's a young woman at the gate, who says she lives +with Donna Isabella, and wants to speak to you upon some particular +business--Can your Honor spare her with no inconvenience to yourself? + +ANTONIO. Yes--Yes--she may go--(_Exit Flora and Jerome_) A young woman +at the gate, now do I want to bid _her_ welcome to the castle--a maid +of Donna Isabella, our neighbour--by the bye I must bring about an +acquaintance with Donna Isabella and the Countess my niece, if I can, +for I am told Isabella is a very beautiful lady--and I should like to +bid _her_ welcome to the castle--but, notwithstanding all the pains I +have taken, ever since she has arrived, to procure a sight of her, I +have not been able--I would, however, force myself into the house, but +it seems she has a young brother, the Marquis, come down on a visit +to her within these three days, and he might take upon him to resent +my gallantry--and I can't say I am fond of resentments, rage and +hatred--no, no, the _softer_ passions possess me wholly. [_Exit._ + + +SCENE II. + +_A Chamber at_ DONNA ISABELLA'S. + + + _Enter_ ISABELLA _followed by the_ MARQUIS. + +MARQUIS. But my dear sister, did not you seduce me to this melancholy +spot, on a promise that you would procure me an introduction to the +rich widow, the charming Countess?--Interest first prompted my wishes, +but since I have beheld her, it is love. + +ISABEL. Beheld her! + +MARQUIS. Yes, beheld her--walking in her garden--sitting negligently in +an arbor. + +ISABEL. But how?--How contrive to see her?-- + +MARQUIS. From the top of our house, through a telescope--but, my dear +sister, do bring us a little nearer, or I'll purchase a speaking +trumpet, and make love to her through it, though my passion be heard +by every soul within a quarter of a mile. + +ISABEL. I tell you I have great hopes. + +MARQUIS. But why not accept of her acquaintance, and prevail on her +yourself to see me? + +ISABEL. I tell you again, the letters I expect from her uncle at Madrid +will have more weight than volumes I could say--She dare not disobey +him, and _must_ see you. + +MARQUIS. And yet I would not compel her to it--Unless she consents to my +acquaintance freely, without being constrained by force, or deceived by +stratagem, I had rather have recourse to the top of the house and my +telescope again. + +ISABEL. Do not let your scrupulous honor overcome all your future +prospects--Notwithstanding these letters will strongly recommend +you, yet it will be with her own consent only she will yield to the +recommendation. + +MARQUIS. But when do you expect the letters? + +ISABEL. Every instant--my servants are now gone to the Post office. + +MARQUIS. I'll fly and see if they are returned. + +ISABEL. Do; for as soon as the letters are arrived, I would not have you +lose a moment but away, and know your fate at once--yet if she will but +see you I think with such a person as your's, there can be little to +fear. + +MARQUIS. But they tell me she is so austere since this rigid vow--so +awful--she will petrify me with a look. + +ISABEL. Pshaw--away, and see if the letters are come. + +MARQUIS. I will, and if they are, and I gain admittance, I'm resolved I +will obtain you a husband within a week, in return, my dear sister, for +your kindness to me. [_Exit Marquis._ + + + _Enter_ INIS. + +ISABEL. Well, Inis--I am impatient to hear--What success? + +INIS. Delightful, Madam--I have been introduced to the young Countess--I +first communicated the intelligence of the pretended plot forming against +her to her waiting-woman, who was sufficiently alarmed at it, to take me +to her Lady immediately. + +ISABEL. Well. + +INIS. And so, Madam, as soon as I was introduced I fell a crying--I +thought that was the best way. + +ISABEL. Very well. + +INIS. And then, before I discovered what I had to say, I made her +promise not to betray me, which she did most solemnly, and without the +least reluctance--and now, Madam, says I, I live servant with your +neighbour, Donna Isabella, a flighty Lady, who turns every thing serious +and sacred into ridicule; and she has resolved to make sport of you for +pretending an aversion to men, and for that purpose she has procured +recommendations for you to receive the visits of the young Marquis her +brother, but instead of him, she purposes to come herself, disguised as +a man, prevail on you to consent to be married to her, and then throw +off the mask, and make you and your vow the jest of the whole kingdom. + +ISABEL. This is all right--go on. + +INIS. On this she thanked me a thousand times for the discovery. + +ISABEL. But did she say she would receive me? + +INIS. Oh yes--she has promised to receive you on my account, that my +divulging the scheme may not be detected. + +ISABEL. And she is absolutely resolved to receive _me_ under the title +of my brother? + +INIS. You may depend upon it--but how are you to proceed now? + +ISABEL. Send my brother to her immediately. + +INIS. Your brother! + +ISABEL. Yes--The Countess, from what you have told her, will suppose +him a woman, receive him, and consequently suffer a thousand endearing +familiarities; till, charmed by the graces of his mind and person, she +shall love him without _knowing_ it, and, when she detects the impostor, +be unable to part with him. + +INIS. And if she is like me, she'll think it the happiest day of her +life--but have you prepared your brother how to act his part? + +ISABEL. He has nothing to _act_, being the very person he represents, +and therefore shall not know of the art by which he is introduced--for, +except being a little too attentive to dress and etiquette, a circumstance +which, with his youthful appearance, favours our design, he is one of +the most amiable young men in the world, and the least idea of imposition +would shock his honour, and put an end to my scheme. + +INIS. Then he is not to know he is to be taken for a woman. + +ISABEL. Certainly not--Hush, here he is, now for my credentials. +(_taking out letters from her pocket._) + + + _Enter_ MARQUIS. + +MARQUIS. Oh, my dear sister, there are no letters arrived. + +ISABEL. Yes, here they are--(_Gives a packet of letters_) my maid has +just brought them me. + +MARQUIS. O with what joy I receive them--they are all right?--There will +be no mistake I hope?--Nothing to make me appear ridiculous?--I would +not appear ridiculous for the world. + +ISABEL. All is right--No, no. + +MARQUIS. They are addressed to her uncle! + +ISABEL. Yes, because it will be far more delicate to be introduced +through his means--but there is one enclosed to her. + +MARQUIS. D'ye think she'll see me? + +ISABEL. Yes; I dare say--There is little doubt of it. + +INIS. By my dream last night, I'd lay my life she will. + +MARQUIS. Why, what did you dream? + +INIS. I dreamt she ordered her servants to drag your Lordship by force +out of the house, and duck you in the great fish-pond for a whole hour. + +MARQUIS. Is that a sign?-- + +INIS. O yes--Dreams always go by contraries. + +MARQUIS. (_Going, returns._) But I know she is so haughty and reserved, +that, _should_ she admit me, I shall appear confused and awkward.-- + +INIS. So much the better--she expects you'll be awkward. + +MARQUIS. Expects I shall be awkward! + +ISABEL. Pshaw, pshaw--Hesitate no longer with your fears, but away--you +know your first court must be to the uncle, and when you have been a +little time in the house your apprehensions will vanish.--Away, away. + +MARQUIS. But if she should not condescend to see me? + +INIS. Oh, my Lord, you may depend upon it she will, because of my dream. + +(_Exit Marquis on one side and Isabella and Inis on the other._) + + + +SCENE III. + +_The Hall in the Castle._ + + + _Enter_ FLORA _and_ JEROME. + +FLORA. Ha, ha, ha, ha. + +JEROME. Ha, ha, ha, ha--But is all this matter of fact? + +FLORA. As true as I am alive, Jerome--I have done nothing but laugh ever +since I heard it--But do you think, Jerome, she'll be drest all over +like a man? + +JEROME. To be sure. + +FLORA. What, every thing? + +JEROME. Yes--Every thing--Egad, I long to have a peep at her! + +FLORA. Aye, and so would Antonio too, if he knew.-- + +JEROME. Aye, that he would--he'd be so fond of the young Marquis there +would be no keeping him away from her--but he does not know of it, you +say? + +FLORA. No; no soul knows of it yet but my Lady and I, and now I have +told it to you; and I am to tell it to all the servants as soon as she +comes, that they may not think my Lady has broken her vow, by admitting +a man--Lord, I wonder how I should look in men's clothes! + +JEROME. There's the Priest's old great cloak, doublet, and jack-boots +hanging up behind that door, if you have a mind to try, and I'll step +out of the way till you have put them on. + (_A loud rapping at the door._) + +FLORA. Here she is--Here she is--Oh dear--Oh dear--how ashamed I am for +her. + +JEROME. And I wish I may die if so ben't I. (_Covering his eyes._) + +FLORA. And yet somehow I long to see her! (_Another rapping._) + +FLORA. Run, Jerome, run. + +JEROME. This moment (_turning back_) but I am so afraid I shall laugh. + +FLORA. O no--Don't laugh--if you do you will spoil all, and my Lady will +never forgive you. + +JEROME. Well--I won't--I won't, if I can help it--I'll look so--just so, +if I can--as serious as a judge--will that do? (_looking serious._) + +FLORA. Yes; that will do. (_Rapping again._) + +JEROME. (_Going._) Ha, ha, ha, ha--I can't help laughing a little +though--but not before her--I'll be as serious as a judge before her. +(_aside_) Egad I am afraid--I am afraid I shall laugh. + (_Exit, stifling a laugh._) +FLORA. Now where shall I run to have a peep at her?--in here. + [_Exit Flora._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME, _bowing before the_ MARQUIS, _with his face on one + side, as if he was afraid to look at him for fear he should laugh_. + +MARQUIS. Let Don Antonio know I have letters for him. + +JEROME. Yes, your Honour--Lordship. (_Lifting up his eyes, looking at +him with side glances, and with difficulty stifling a laugh._) Your +Honour, your Lordship--Let Don Antonio--know--you--have--letters--for +--him. (_Suppressing a laugh._) + +MARQUIS. Yes; is not that plain? + +JEROME. Yes. (_still suppressing a laugh._) And he'll be very glad to +wait upon your Honour. [_Laughs right out and exit._ + +MARQUIS. A strange fellow this--How my heart beats! + +FLORA. (_from a door._) Oh that she would but turn this way, that I +might see her face--Oh the impudent slut. + + + _Enter_ JEROME _with a grin on his face_. + +JEROME. Noble Lord, Don Antonio will be here immediately. (_Then laughs +and stares at him from head to foot._) Here he is. + + + _Enter_ ANTONIO. + +(_The Marquis bows very respectfully whilst Jerome is laughing and +making faces behind._) + +MARQUIS. Letters, my Lord, from your brother at Madrid. + +ANTONIO. Signior. (_Taking the letters._) + +MARQUIS. (_aside while Antonio reads._) Heavens, whence this palpitation? +If such are the feelings of my bosom on knowing myself in the same house +with her, what must be my agitation on a nearer approach! + +ANTONIO. My letters inform me it is the Marquis who does me the honour +of this visit--My Lord, your Lordship-- + +JEROME. Ha, ha, ha. + +ANTONIO. What's the matter with you? + +JEROME. Sir, I was only-- + +ANTONIO. Only what? Leave the room. + +JEROME. (_Aside._) Well I thought the old Don would have found out a +woman in any disguise. [_Exit._ + +ANTONIO. My Lord, you may command my services and friendship, but I +fear you will not rate them so highly as I could wish, as you must be +debarred the acquaintance and society of my niece--You are no stranger +to the vow she has taken? + +MARQUIS. I am not--and yet I flatter myself the manner in which I am +spoken of in these letters-- + +ANTONIO. Be certain, Sir, my niece shall receive them, urged with all +my authority for an interview. Will your Lordship take a turn in the +garden while I deliver them and enforce their contents? + +MARQUIS. I will--and should you prove successful, Don Antonio, I shall +ever retain the deepest sense of the obligation. [_Exit Marquis._ + + + _Enter the_ COUNTESS. + +ANTONIO. Niece, I was this moment coming to you, to bring you these +letters from your uncle at Madrid, which you will find recommend, in the +strongest manner, to your acquaintance, no other than the young Marquis +our neighbour--as fine a youth as ever I saw. + +COUNTESS. Ha, ha, ha--is he arrived?-- + +ANTONIO. Now in the house--What is the matter?--Did you hear of his +intended visit? + +COUNTESS. Yes--Ha, ha, ha--how does he look? + +ANTONIO. Delightfully--I don't think I ever saw a handsomer man. + +COUNTESS. _Man!_--Ha, ha, ha, I dare say he looks a little awkward? + +ANTONIO. Aukward! No; he is as elegant in his deportment, and as fine, +as finished a young fellow as ever I saw. + +COUNTESS. (_After looking over the letter._) Certainly, I shall comply +with my uncle's request--Let his Lordship be admitted. + +ANTONIO. Niece, I always knew you could not keep your vow--I always knew +the very first man that came in your way--crash it would go directly, +but let me persuade you to break it by degrees, and not let the world +say you made no struggle first. + +COUNTESS. Struggle! Now, my dear Uncle, with all your deep discernment, +particularly in regard to our sex, to see you at last imposed upon +delights me. + +ANTONIO. Imposed upon! + +COUNTESS. Yes; for this self-same Marquis is a woman. + +ANTONIO. A woman! + +COUNTESS. Yes; this "fine, elegant creature." + +ANTONIO. That is, then, the very reason why I thought her so--"a fine +creature,"--now that is intuition, instinct, love without knowing +it--But, my dear niece, are you sure you are right? Are you sure you +don't deceive me? Don't disappoint me--I can't bear a disappointment in +a matter like this--I am vastly pleased, and a disappointment might be +fatal. + +COUNTESS. I assure you again a woman--sister to the Marquis--and has +undertaken this scheme purely to make love to me, and turn me into +ridicule. + +ANTONIO. Now I think of it again, she _was_ devilish awkward--and I +believe wore her sword on the wrong side. + +COUNTESS. It is she herself depend upon it. + +ANTONIO. To be sure it is--and I'll be hang'd if it did not strike me +to be a woman the moment I laid my eyes on her--for she came up to me +slipping and sliding, and tossing her head, just as the fine ladies do. +(_Mimicks._) Well--But what do you intend to do? I know what I intend to +do. + +COUNTESS. I shall carry on the scheme, and pretend to be deceived, till +I turn the joke she designs for me, on herself. + +ANTONIO. Yes; and I intend to have _my_ joke too. + +COUNTESS. But you must keep the secret. + +ANTONIO. I wo'nt say a word. + +COUNTESS. Take his Lordship into the saloon, and I'll wait upon him +immediately. + +ANTONIO. Aye, my dear--and you need not be in a hurry--Egad, I like the +joke of all things. [_Exit._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME _and_ FLORA. + +FLORA. Dear my Lady, have you seen her? + +COUNTESS. Not yet. + +FLORA. Well, I declare she looks as like a man! + +COUNTESS. I shall certainly laugh in her face. + +JEROME. Oh no, don't laugh--Never give your mind to laughing--I did not +even smile, but kept my countenance as steady--just thus--Did not I, +Flora? Oh--'tis such a weakness to laugh--Look just so--as I do now-- + +COUNTESS. I must away to the trial, however--come with me to the door, +Flora. + +JEROME. And be sure you don't laugh--Think on me, and keep your +countenance--if you can. + +(_Exit Countess and Flora on one side and Jerome on the other._) + + +END OF THE FIRST ACT. + + + + +ACT II. + +SCENE I. + +_The Hall in the Castle._ + + + _Enter_ FLORA. + +Dear me, what a pretty footman she has brought with her!--he made me +such a fine bow as I past--and looked so grand--here he is. + + + _Enter_ CARLOS _and bows--She courtesies_. + +FLORA. O Lord, I hope this is not a woman too! but I dare say it +is--Lord what a pity! but I'll talk to him, and I shall soon be able to +find out--and if he does not fall in love with me, I'll conclude it +can't be a man. [_aside._ + +CARLOS. A very pretty girl. (_aside._) Your humble servant, my dear +angel. + +FLORA. Too conceited for a man. (_aside._) + +CARLOS. May I venture, on so slight an acquaintance to protest to you-- + +FLORA. No--he protests--'tis a man. [_aside._ + +CARLOS. Permit me to assure you-- + +FLORA. Sir! + +CARLOS. What thus takes up your attention? + +FLORA. A doubt I have. + +CARLOS. Do you entertain any doubts of me? + +FLORA. Yes--Indeed I do. + +CARLOS. What are they? + +FLORA. I have been trying to put this bunch of ribbons into a right form +for my Lady's hair, and I hardly know how. + +CARLOS. Let me try. (_She gives the ribbons._) + +FLORA. Now shall I see by the dexterity, whether it is a woman or not. + [_aside._ + +CARLOS. There--I'll be hanged if I have not done it to a nicety. +(_Returns the ribbons._) + +FLORA. 'Tis a woman, pshaw. (_Aside and sighing._) + +CARLOS. Now I must beg a kiss for my pains. (_Kisses her._) + +FLORA. No--it must be a man. + +CARLOS. My charming-- + +FLORA. For Heaven's sake go about your business, for here comes a +fellow-servant of mine. + +CARLOS. I am going into the grove, will you come there presently? + +FLORA. Yes--perhaps I may--only begone now. + +CARLOS. But you'll come? + +FLORA. Yes--I think I will. + +CARLOS. I shall wait for you. [_Exit._ + + + _Enter_ URSULA. + +URSULA. So, Mrs. Flora, I give you joy of your new sweetheart--For +shame, for shame, I saw what passed. + +FLORA. Lord bless you--it is only a woman. + +URSULA. A woman! + +FLORA. Aye, in men's clothes, like the master, and so there could be no +harm you know. + +URSULA. I did not know the servant was a woman too! + +FLORA. Why, I am not sure of it--but I thought so when I let him kiss +me, and I thought so when I promised to meet him in the grove--and I +will e'en go--for I dare say 'tis only a woman. + +URSULA. Aye, now I think of it again, I am sure it is not a man--Do you +suppose a Lady in disguise, would take a man-servant to attend her? + +FLORA. Very true; and I wish, Ursula, you would go instead of me to the +grove, for I am so busy just at this time-- + +URSULA. And yet old Jerome says, and I never knew Jerome mistaken in my +life, he says it is a man--however, _I_ am not afraid of him if it is, +and I _will_ go instead of you. + +FLORA. No, Ursula--I will go after all--for if it _should_ prove a man, +and he should behave rude to you, oh! my dear Ursula, I should never be +happy, that I did not take it all upon myself. [_Exeunt separately._ + + +SCENE II. + +_A Parlour in the Castle._ + +_The_ COUNTESS, _the_ MARQUIS, _and_ DON ANTONIO _discovered sitting_. + + +ANTONIO. And so, my Lord, you once thought of the army--Do you think you +should stand your ground in a battle. (_Laughing to himself._) + +MARQUIS. Sir! (_Surprized._) + +ANTONIO. (_Aside._) Damn me but she has a good leg. + +COUNTESS. Your Lordship seems formed for the service of a softer Deity; +an occupation less perilous than that of war. + +ANTONIO. Aye, that you do. + +MARQUIS. Pardon me, Madam, the Deity you allude to, I fear may be yet +more fatal, unless you will kindly fight on my side. + +ANTONIO. Ha, ha, ha, I can't help laughing to think what a pretty +soldier you would make--You look vastly like a soldier to be sure.--Ha, +ha, ha. + +MARQUIS. Why not, Sir? (_Angrily._) + +ANTONIO. Nay, no offence--Damn me if I should not like to command a +whole regiment of you--and I would go upon some new achievements--For +instance, say the enemy were Hotten-tots, I would undertake to poison +them all by the scent of perfumes from my army--or in case of a repulse, +would engage at any time to raise a mist, and escape pursuit, only by +commanding every man to shake his head, and discharge the powder. + +MARQUIS. Upon my word, Sir, you are very pleasant. (_Forcing a smile._) + +ANTONIO. I am very glad your Lordship thinks so. + + + _Enter_ SERVANT. + +SERVANT. (_To Antonio._) Sir, you are wanted by a gentleman in the +parlour. + +ANTONIO. Pshaw--I'm busy--Who is it?--(_Servant whispers._) Well then I +must come. (_Exit Servant._) My Lord I take my leave for a minute, but +I shall soon be back. (_Aside._) How like a man she looks--Impudent +hussey. [_Exit._ + +MARQUIS. Your uncle's behaviour, Madam, has something in it rather +extraordinary--I hope I have not in any means offended him? + +COUNTESS. I can conceal my knowledge of her no longer. (_Aside._) Oh no, +my dear, not at all. + +MARQUIS. My dear! (_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. I declare I like you so well--so much better than I +expected--I can no longer treat you with cold reserve--Come sit down. +(_They sit._) + +MARQUIS. How kind is this! (_Drawing his chair near to her._) + +COUNTESS. (_Looking at him from head to foot._) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I +protest I can't help laughing--Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. + +MARQUIS. Ha, ha, ha, ha--I protest no more can I--Sure fate directed me +to this heavenly spot, where ceremony has no share in politeness. + +COUNTESS. And did you suppose I should use any ceremony with such a +sweet, sweet fellow as you? + +MARQUIS. Egad, I'll use no ceremony either. (_Aside._) Thus, on my +knees, let me pour my thanks. + +COUNTESS. Oh you artful creature! (_Stroking his cheek._) + +MARQUIS. Art! I disclaim it--and so do you.--You are all pure nature. + +COUNTESS. Well, I positively do think you one of the cleverest of your +whole sex. + +MARQUIS. Thank you--Thank you--my dearest creature. (_Kissing her +hand._) + +COUNTESS. So negligent--so easy--not the lead awkward or embarrassed! + +MARQUIS. Egad, I think you as little embarrassed to the full. (_Aside._) +My dear Madam, your charming society has inspired me. (_Salutes her._) + +COUNTESS. Now, if you were really a _man_, what would you _deserve_ for +that? + +MARQUIS. Madam! (_Astonished._) + +COUNTESS. I say, if you were _really_ a man, what would you deserve for +that freedom? + +MARQUIS. _Really_ a man! Why?--What?--Don't I look like a man? + +COUNTESS. Yes--that you do--and a sweet pretty man--Come, come, don't +be frightened--shake hands--I forgive you--forgive you all your +impertinence--and, carry the jest as far as you will, I am resolved +not to be angry. + +MARQUIS. I am very much obliged to you--infinitely obliged to you--I +assure you this favour--this honour.--I don't know what to say--She +absolutely puts me out of countenance. (_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. What confused?--Come, resume your gaiety--Come, come-- + +MARQUIS. Come, come, then. (_seizing her._) + + + _Enter_ DON ANTONIO. + +ANTONIO. Hah!--What! Struggling? + +COUNTESS. Oh, Uncle, I have been so ill-used by this Gentleman, that I +must beg you will resent his behaviour. + +MARQUIS. How! + +ANTONIO. Certainly, my dear, if you _have_ been used ill. + +COUNTESS. Most scandalously--Frighten her a little. (_Aside to +Antonio._) + +MARQUIS. Upon my honour, Sir-- + +ANTONIO. Zounds, Sir, my niece is one of the most reserved, prudent +young women--and whosoever offers an insult to her, it is my place, and +consistent but with my honour, to resent it.--How white she looks. +(_Aside._) + +MARQUIS. Sir, I shall not draw my sword before the Countess, and +therefore I beg you will put up your's. + +ANTONIO. And so I will, my poor Lady--I see it has frightened you--Here, +Niece, have you any hartshorn or drops at hand--the poor thing is +terrified out of her life. Come, come, my poor little creature--Poor +thing--Poor rogue. (_He goes up to sooth him, and the Marquis gives him +a blow._) + +MARQUIS. Don Antonio, this insolence shall receive the correction it +deserves. (_Draws._) + +COUNTESS. She is not in earnest, sure. (_Aside._) + +ANTONIO. I have received many a blow from a Lady, but never such a one +as this! + +MARQUIS. Do you dare to call me a Lady again, Sir? + +ANTONIO. A Lady, oh no--you are a tyger, a fury-- + +MARQUIS. I never met with such usage!--Damnation! + +ANTONIO. What a profligate she is! I did not think such a word could +come out of a woman's mouth! + +MARQUIS. How, Sir!--Dare to say that again, and I'll nail you to the +wall. + +ANTONIO. (_Retreating._) Why, what is all this about? I won't fight--I +only drew my sword to frighten you. + +MARQUIS. To frighten me!--Did you think I was to be frightened? + +ANTONIO. Why not? You see I am. + +MARQUIS. Yes, I see, and scorn you for it. + +COUNTESS. Why, Uncle, the tables are fairly turned upon you. + +ANTONIO. Yes, Niece, and I'm much obliged to you, for your advice in the +business--But you may depend upon it, I shall take care how I attempt to +frighten one of your sex again. (_Going._) + +MARQUIS. Come back, Sir, I insist upon your coming back, and recalling +what you have said--I insist upon your begging me pardon for your +impertinent insinuation.-- + +ANTONIO. What insinuation?--That I think you a female?--I am sure there +is no offence meant in that--for, when I suppose you a woman, I suppose +you what I like better than anything in the world; what I am never happy +without; and what I even make myself poor, despised, and ridiculous, in +the daily pursuit of. + +MARQUIS. And pray, Sir, in what, do I appear like a woman? + +ANTONIO. And pray, Sir, in what, does any of our modern coxcombs appear +like a man? and yet they don't scruple to call themselves men. + +MARQUIS. Then you will not recall your sentiments and beg my pardon? + +ANTONIO. Beg your pardon?--No--Yes, yes--Put on your petticoats, and +I'll fall at your feet as soon as you please.-- + +MARQUIS. I'll bear this no longer--Draw. (_Marquis draws._) + +ANTONIO. Here Jerome, Jerome, come and defend me, where it would be a +dishonour to defend myself. + + + _Enter_ JEROME. + +ANTONIO. See, Jerome, how my life is assailed. + +JEROME. Aye, your Honour, I always told you the women would be the death +of you at last. + +MARQUIS. You too, rascal!-- + +JEROME. Well, I declare with her sword in her hand, she is as fine a +creature as ever I saw!--Oh you audacious minx. + +MARQUIS. Scoundrel-- + +JEROME. Sure, your Honour, she must be the Maid of Orleans. + +MARQUIS. I am no maid, Sir. + +JEROME. I am sorry for your misfortune. + +MARQUIS. Don Antonio, this treatment I suppose you inflict as a just +recompence for my presumption in daring to hope for an alliance in +your family, spite of the prejudice which I knew the Countess had +conceived--I cannot deny the justice of the accusation--I came into +her house with the vain hope---- + +COUNTESS. By no means _vain_--I am ready to comply, be your hopes what +they will. + +MARQUIS. Can I believe what you say real? + +COUNTESS. Certainly--Were you going to say you hoped to marry me? If you +were, call the Priest, and we'll be married immediately. + +ANTONIO. Aye, if that is what your Lordship wants, the Priest shall tack +you together in five minutes. + +MARQUIS. This sudden consent staggers me--I was not prepared for it--one +likes a little preparation before marriage as well as before death. +(_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. What! you are cast down--alarmed--want to recant--but I won't +let you--You _shall_ marry me--I insist upon it. + +MARQUIS. What, directly? + +COUNTESS. Yes, directly--I am in a hurry. + +MARQUIS. I believe this is mere trifling--Swear you will marry me. + +COUNTESS. I do swear. + +MARQUIS. You are witness to the oath. + +ANTONIO AND JEROME. We are witness. + + + _Enter_ SERVANT _with_ DONNA ISABELLA _veiled_. + +SERVANT. A Lady, Madam, who says she is sister to the Marquis. + +COUNTESS. Has the Marquis more sisters than one? + +MARQUIS. No. + +ANTONIO. Then this, I suppose, is your brother? + +JEROME. Aye, in women's clothes--O dear, another fine sight! + +COUNTESS. Oh Heavens, if it is a man, take him out of the room or I +shall faint. + +MARQUIS. Sister Isabella, when I shall relate to you the strange +reception I have met with in this house, you will be amazed--but I think +you will sincerely rejoice at the final event of my visit, when I tell +you it is a solemn promise from this Lady to become my wife. + +ISABEL. I give you joy most unfeignedly. (_Pulls off her veil._). + +COUNTESS. It is a _woman_. + +ANTONIO. Aye, that it is--Madam, let me bid you welcome to the castle. +(_Goes and salutes her._) + +COUNTESS. (_To the Marquis._) Why, what are you--(_After trembling as if +much terrified_) an't _you_ a woman? + +ISABEL. Countess, I knew you never would have consented to have seen +the Marquis, had he been introduced into the house as a man, therefore +I formed this stratagem, unknown to him, thus to bring you together. + +MARQUIS. (_To the Countess._) Do not droop, my dearest wife. + +COUNTESS. And are you really the Marquis? What a strange blunder have I +made! + +MARQUIS. I am the Marquis--and it shall be my future care to banish for +ever from your memory, the recollection of that marriage which has been +the source of so much woe to you. + +ANTONIO. Donna Isabella, we are all infinitely obliged to you for this +stratagem, by which you have induced the Countess, innocently to break +a vow, which she could not have kept without drawing upon herself both +ridicule and melancholy--My dear Niece, depend upon it, there is but +_one_ vow a woman is authorized to take. + +COUNTESS. And what vow is that _one_ Uncle? + +ANTONIO. A vow to LOVE, HONOUR and OBEY. [_Exeunt omnes._ + + +THE END. + + + + + Just published, by G. G. J. and J. ROBINSON, + + I'LL TELL YOU WHAT! + + A COMEDY, in Five Acts, + As performed at the Theatre-Royal in the Hay-Market; + By Mrs. INCHBALD. + Price One Shilling and Sixpence, + + APPEARANCE IS AGAINST THEM, + A FARCE, Price One Shilling, + By the same AUTHOR. + + ALSO, + DUPLICITY, + AND + THE FOLLIES OF A DAY, + COMEDIES; + THE NOBLE PEASANT, + AND + THE CHOLERIC FATHERS, + OPERAS, + By THOMAS HOLCROFT; + Price One Shilling and Sixpence each. + + LIKEWISE, + THE SCOTTISH VILLAGE; or, + PITCAIRN-GREEN, + A POEM, + By Mrs. COWLEY, + Price Two Shillings. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE + +In a few instances, missing punctuation has been added and the occasional +comma at the end of speech changed to a full stop. + +The misspelling of the name Antonio as Antonis on the character's first +entrance has been corrected. In the prologue, the spelling theee has +been retained, since this is presumably part of the mimicry (the word is +evidently "the" rather than "thee"). + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Widow's Vow, by Elizabeth Inchbald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + +***** This file should be named 35959.txt or 35959.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/9/5/35959/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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