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diff --git a/35959.txt b/35959.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..802da66 --- /dev/null +++ b/35959.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1592 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Widow's Vow, by Elizabeth Inchbald + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Widow's Vow + A Farce, in Two Acts + +Author: Elizabeth Inchbald + +Release Date: April 25, 2011 [EBook #35959] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + + + + + THE + WIDOW's VOW. + + A + FARCE, + IN TWO ACTS, + + + AS IT IS ACTED + AT THE THEATRE ROYAL, + _HAY-MARKET_. + + + LONDON: + + PRINTED FOR C. G. J. AND J. ROBINSON, PATER-NOSTER ROW. + 1786. + + + + +PROLOGUE, + +Written by Mr. HOLCROFT, + +Spoken by Mr. BANNISTER, jun. + + + Prologues, with caustic touch, have often tried + To probe your spleen, prove knaves and fools allied; + Have twisted words and wit ten thousand ways, + To shew that these are most degenerate days! + + A different task be ours.--We'll prove that you + Are wise and happy. Nay! tho' strange, 'tis true! + + First on your _safety_ think! now belles appear + By ample bulwarks guarded, front and rear! + Now male and female amble, side by side, + Exempt from harm, by breast-works fortify'd! + Here polygons defend Miss Molly's breast! + There horn-works hush the husband's fears to rest + By ramparts, daily rais'd, he's freed from cares; + If he'll but grant sufficient for repairs. + + Our strength thus prov'd, proceed we to disclose + How new-made wealth thro' new-made channels flows! + How rich we are, in medal-rust and rare things! + In copper coins, gilt pence and--Queen-Anne-farthings! + How shells, stuff'd monkies, and Cremonas old, + In hand of Auctioneer, are current gold! + He "Going! going!" cries. "The hammer's up! + "This fine antique! this Roman----_caudle-cup!_" + A gem so rare makes connoisseurs turn pale, + Fearful, alike, to purchase or to fail! + Hope trembles, starts, from lip to lip rebounds, + 'Till down she's knock'd by--Ah!--one thousand pounds! + The envied purchaser, with joy elate, + Pays for his prize by--selling his estate! + While _Smirk_, in florid style, words nicely plac'd, + Protests theee lot does, _anner_ to his taste! (_Mimicking._) + + Yes! sure you're happy! and should rest content, + Now landscapes are reduced fifteen per cent: + And Claude's and Titian's new-found wonders may + By new-made Peers be bought--if new-made Peers can pay. + + (_Assuming sorrow._) + + One thing, indeed, may well your peace invade, + Pawnbrokers! threaten you to leave off trade! (_Weeps._) + + (_Returning to his former chearful tone._) + + All things considered, now, while safety smiles, + And wealth inundates thus our Queen of isles; + While Vickery head defects so soon repairs, + And half unpeoples Greenland of her bears; + While exhibitions, galas and reviews, + Lisle-street, Vauxhall, the Abbey, Handel, Hughes, + Flutes, fiddles, trombos, double-drums, bassoons, + Mara, the speaking-figure, fish-balloons, + Earth-baths, live-eagles, such as never flew, + _L'Hercule du Roy!_ and General Jackoo! + While these create a round of such delight, + Sure, we may hope, you will not frown to-night! + While farces numerous as these go down, + Our farce may in its turn amuse the town; + And, smiling thus on Folly's vast career, + Sure not on us, alone, you'll be severe! + + + + +ADVERTISEMENT. + + + The WIDOW's VOW is indebted for the Plot of her Piece, and for the + Plot only, to _L'Hereuse Erreur_, a French Comedy of one Act, by M. + PATRAT, but to the Excellence of the English _Performers_ alone is + she indebted for its very flattering Success. + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE. + + + Don Antonio, Mr. PARSONS. + Marquis, Mr. BANNISTER, jun. + Carlos, Mr. R. PALMER. + Servant, Mr. LYON. + Jerome, Mr. EDWIN. + + Countess, Mrs. BATES. + Donna Isabella, Mrs. RILEY. + Inis, Miss BRANCIN. + Ursula, Mrs. EDWIN. + Flora, Mrs. WELLS. + + _Scene a Village in Spain._ + + + + +THE + +WIDOW's VOW. + + + + +ACT I. + +SCENE I. + +_A Hall in a Castle._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME _and_ FLORA. + +FLORA. I Can't go at present, Mr. Jerome, for I expect my Lady every +moment to ring, and if I should be out of the way she will be angry; and +as I am but new in her service-- + +JEROME. She angry! Oh you don't know her yet--When you have been a day +or two with her you'll find she is never angry--She is the best tempered +creature--and were it not for her aversion to us men, she would not have +a fault. + +FLORA. Do you consider that as a fault, Mr. Jerome? + +JEROME. To be sure I do--For my part, I think she had much better be too +fond of us, as the rest of her sex are. + +FLORA. Pray, Mr. Jerome, what caused her aversion to the men? + +JEROME. I'll tell you, Flora, if it wo'nt make you melancholy. + +FLORA. Oh, no, Mr. Jerome--I like a melancholy story--I like dearly to +cry, when it is not on my own account. + +JEROME. Well then--When my Lady was only fifteen she fell deep in love +with a fine handsome young fellow, inferior to her both in rank and +fortune; but my good old Lord, her father, who doated upon her, was +afraid a disappointment might break her heart, and so consented to her +having him; but he proved so bad a husband that my poor old Master soon +died with grief. + +FLORA. Poor man! + +JEROME. Don't cry yet, there's something worse to come--My Lady, on +this, took such a dislike to her husband, that he died of grief too. + +FLORA. Indeed, Mr. Jerome, this is very moving. (_cries._) + +JEROME. On this-- + +FLORA. I hope there is nothing worse to come? + +JEROME. On this, my Lady made a vow to shut herself up from the whole +sex. + +FLORA. Well, that is more affecting than any of it. + +JEROME. And she immediately retired to this lonely castle, where, except +the house of Donna Isabella next door, we have not a neighbour for +miles; and even there we are strangers--for my part I have never so much +as seen Donna Isabella, or exchanged a word with any of the servants +since they came to the place--though indeed they have not been here +above eight days. + +FLORA. But how long has my Lady kept this vow of avoiding all your sex? + +JEROME. Eighteen months. + +FLORA. Eighteen weeks! what a time! + +JEROME. Months. + +FLORA. Months! she has certainly lost her senses. + +JEROME. Not she. + +FLORA. O but I am sure she must have lost some of them. + +JEROME. I tell you no.--But I must leave you now, Mrs. Flora, for yonder +is Don Antonio, and I believe he is coming this way. + +FLORA. I thought no man was admitted into the castle but you, Mr. +Jerome? + +JEROME. Yes; Don Antonio lives here--but then he is my Lady's uncle; and +you know there can be no fear of her falling in love with him, as he is +a relation. + +FLORA. But _you_ are no relation, Mr. Jerome. + +JEROME. Why, as you say, she might fall in love with me--Stranger things +have happened--and to tell you the truth, she does not seem positive she +shan't, for she bids me keep out of her sight as much as possible, for +fear I should put her in mind of that handsome villain that brought her +to this retirement. + +FLORA. Here comes the old Gentleman! + +JEROME. Then I must go, for he'll be wanting to say something to you--he +is for ever running after all the maids--I am sorry to leave you--I am, +indeed, Flora; indeed I am--Oh it would be a happy thing for me if I +could bring myself to care as little for the women, as my Lady does for +the men. [_Exit Jerome._ + +FLORA. A fine sweetheart, truly, I have got--and if this old fright +proves another, I'll be even with him. + + + _Enter_ ANTONIO--_She courtesys_ + +ANTONIO. Hah!--what!--what is all this!--what have we here?--what have +we here?--a pretty girl--a very pretty girl indeed!--My niece's new +maid, I suppose--Aye, aye, I had the other sent about her business--She +must be like her mistress forsooth, and have nothing to say to a +man--(_going up to Flora_) My dear, come this way--I think your's is a +new face-- + +FLORA. Yes, Sir--and I think your's is an old one. + +ANTONIO. Hem--hem.--Pray what is your name? + +FLORA. A very good name--and I intend never to change it for a bad +one.-- + +ANTONIO. Look in my face--What do you blush for? + +FLORA. For you. + +ANTONIO. Come, come, no pertness--but let me bid you welcome to the +castle. (_offers to salute her._) + +FLORA. No, indeed you shan't. + +ANTONIO. I will bid you welcome to the castle. (_after a struggle he +salutes her._) + +FLORA. Upon my word, Sir, you are very rude--How would you like I should +serve _you_ so? + +ANTONIO. Do--Do--serve me so--you are very welcome. + + + _Enter_ JEROME. + +JEROME. Flora, there's a young woman at the gate, who says she lives +with Donna Isabella, and wants to speak to you upon some particular +business--Can your Honor spare her with no inconvenience to yourself? + +ANTONIO. Yes--Yes--she may go--(_Exit Flora and Jerome_) A young woman +at the gate, now do I want to bid _her_ welcome to the castle--a maid +of Donna Isabella, our neighbour--by the bye I must bring about an +acquaintance with Donna Isabella and the Countess my niece, if I can, +for I am told Isabella is a very beautiful lady--and I should like to +bid _her_ welcome to the castle--but, notwithstanding all the pains I +have taken, ever since she has arrived, to procure a sight of her, I +have not been able--I would, however, force myself into the house, but +it seems she has a young brother, the Marquis, come down on a visit +to her within these three days, and he might take upon him to resent +my gallantry--and I can't say I am fond of resentments, rage and +hatred--no, no, the _softer_ passions possess me wholly. [_Exit._ + + +SCENE II. + +_A Chamber at_ DONNA ISABELLA'S. + + + _Enter_ ISABELLA _followed by the_ MARQUIS. + +MARQUIS. But my dear sister, did not you seduce me to this melancholy +spot, on a promise that you would procure me an introduction to the +rich widow, the charming Countess?--Interest first prompted my wishes, +but since I have beheld her, it is love. + +ISABEL. Beheld her! + +MARQUIS. Yes, beheld her--walking in her garden--sitting negligently in +an arbor. + +ISABEL. But how?--How contrive to see her?-- + +MARQUIS. From the top of our house, through a telescope--but, my dear +sister, do bring us a little nearer, or I'll purchase a speaking +trumpet, and make love to her through it, though my passion be heard +by every soul within a quarter of a mile. + +ISABEL. I tell you I have great hopes. + +MARQUIS. But why not accept of her acquaintance, and prevail on her +yourself to see me? + +ISABEL. I tell you again, the letters I expect from her uncle at Madrid +will have more weight than volumes I could say--She dare not disobey +him, and _must_ see you. + +MARQUIS. And yet I would not compel her to it--Unless she consents to my +acquaintance freely, without being constrained by force, or deceived by +stratagem, I had rather have recourse to the top of the house and my +telescope again. + +ISABEL. Do not let your scrupulous honor overcome all your future +prospects--Notwithstanding these letters will strongly recommend +you, yet it will be with her own consent only she will yield to the +recommendation. + +MARQUIS. But when do you expect the letters? + +ISABEL. Every instant--my servants are now gone to the Post office. + +MARQUIS. I'll fly and see if they are returned. + +ISABEL. Do; for as soon as the letters are arrived, I would not have you +lose a moment but away, and know your fate at once--yet if she will but +see you I think with such a person as your's, there can be little to +fear. + +MARQUIS. But they tell me she is so austere since this rigid vow--so +awful--she will petrify me with a look. + +ISABEL. Pshaw--away, and see if the letters are come. + +MARQUIS. I will, and if they are, and I gain admittance, I'm resolved I +will obtain you a husband within a week, in return, my dear sister, for +your kindness to me. [_Exit Marquis._ + + + _Enter_ INIS. + +ISABEL. Well, Inis--I am impatient to hear--What success? + +INIS. Delightful, Madam--I have been introduced to the young Countess--I +first communicated the intelligence of the pretended plot forming against +her to her waiting-woman, who was sufficiently alarmed at it, to take me +to her Lady immediately. + +ISABEL. Well. + +INIS. And so, Madam, as soon as I was introduced I fell a crying--I +thought that was the best way. + +ISABEL. Very well. + +INIS. And then, before I discovered what I had to say, I made her +promise not to betray me, which she did most solemnly, and without the +least reluctance--and now, Madam, says I, I live servant with your +neighbour, Donna Isabella, a flighty Lady, who turns every thing serious +and sacred into ridicule; and she has resolved to make sport of you for +pretending an aversion to men, and for that purpose she has procured +recommendations for you to receive the visits of the young Marquis her +brother, but instead of him, she purposes to come herself, disguised as +a man, prevail on you to consent to be married to her, and then throw +off the mask, and make you and your vow the jest of the whole kingdom. + +ISABEL. This is all right--go on. + +INIS. On this she thanked me a thousand times for the discovery. + +ISABEL. But did she say she would receive me? + +INIS. Oh yes--she has promised to receive you on my account, that my +divulging the scheme may not be detected. + +ISABEL. And she is absolutely resolved to receive _me_ under the title +of my brother? + +INIS. You may depend upon it--but how are you to proceed now? + +ISABEL. Send my brother to her immediately. + +INIS. Your brother! + +ISABEL. Yes--The Countess, from what you have told her, will suppose +him a woman, receive him, and consequently suffer a thousand endearing +familiarities; till, charmed by the graces of his mind and person, she +shall love him without _knowing_ it, and, when she detects the impostor, +be unable to part with him. + +INIS. And if she is like me, she'll think it the happiest day of her +life--but have you prepared your brother how to act his part? + +ISABEL. He has nothing to _act_, being the very person he represents, +and therefore shall not know of the art by which he is introduced--for, +except being a little too attentive to dress and etiquette, a circumstance +which, with his youthful appearance, favours our design, he is one of +the most amiable young men in the world, and the least idea of imposition +would shock his honour, and put an end to my scheme. + +INIS. Then he is not to know he is to be taken for a woman. + +ISABEL. Certainly not--Hush, here he is, now for my credentials. +(_taking out letters from her pocket._) + + + _Enter_ MARQUIS. + +MARQUIS. Oh, my dear sister, there are no letters arrived. + +ISABEL. Yes, here they are--(_Gives a packet of letters_) my maid has +just brought them me. + +MARQUIS. O with what joy I receive them--they are all right?--There will +be no mistake I hope?--Nothing to make me appear ridiculous?--I would +not appear ridiculous for the world. + +ISABEL. All is right--No, no. + +MARQUIS. They are addressed to her uncle! + +ISABEL. Yes, because it will be far more delicate to be introduced +through his means--but there is one enclosed to her. + +MARQUIS. D'ye think she'll see me? + +ISABEL. Yes; I dare say--There is little doubt of it. + +INIS. By my dream last night, I'd lay my life she will. + +MARQUIS. Why, what did you dream? + +INIS. I dreamt she ordered her servants to drag your Lordship by force +out of the house, and duck you in the great fish-pond for a whole hour. + +MARQUIS. Is that a sign?-- + +INIS. O yes--Dreams always go by contraries. + +MARQUIS. (_Going, returns._) But I know she is so haughty and reserved, +that, _should_ she admit me, I shall appear confused and awkward.-- + +INIS. So much the better--she expects you'll be awkward. + +MARQUIS. Expects I shall be awkward! + +ISABEL. Pshaw, pshaw--Hesitate no longer with your fears, but away--you +know your first court must be to the uncle, and when you have been a +little time in the house your apprehensions will vanish.--Away, away. + +MARQUIS. But if she should not condescend to see me? + +INIS. Oh, my Lord, you may depend upon it she will, because of my dream. + +(_Exit Marquis on one side and Isabella and Inis on the other._) + + + +SCENE III. + +_The Hall in the Castle._ + + + _Enter_ FLORA _and_ JEROME. + +FLORA. Ha, ha, ha, ha. + +JEROME. Ha, ha, ha, ha--But is all this matter of fact? + +FLORA. As true as I am alive, Jerome--I have done nothing but laugh ever +since I heard it--But do you think, Jerome, she'll be drest all over +like a man? + +JEROME. To be sure. + +FLORA. What, every thing? + +JEROME. Yes--Every thing--Egad, I long to have a peep at her! + +FLORA. Aye, and so would Antonio too, if he knew.-- + +JEROME. Aye, that he would--he'd be so fond of the young Marquis there +would be no keeping him away from her--but he does not know of it, you +say? + +FLORA. No; no soul knows of it yet but my Lady and I, and now I have +told it to you; and I am to tell it to all the servants as soon as she +comes, that they may not think my Lady has broken her vow, by admitting +a man--Lord, I wonder how I should look in men's clothes! + +JEROME. There's the Priest's old great cloak, doublet, and jack-boots +hanging up behind that door, if you have a mind to try, and I'll step +out of the way till you have put them on. + (_A loud rapping at the door._) + +FLORA. Here she is--Here she is--Oh dear--Oh dear--how ashamed I am for +her. + +JEROME. And I wish I may die if so ben't I. (_Covering his eyes._) + +FLORA. And yet somehow I long to see her! (_Another rapping._) + +FLORA. Run, Jerome, run. + +JEROME. This moment (_turning back_) but I am so afraid I shall laugh. + +FLORA. O no--Don't laugh--if you do you will spoil all, and my Lady will +never forgive you. + +JEROME. Well--I won't--I won't, if I can help it--I'll look so--just so, +if I can--as serious as a judge--will that do? (_looking serious._) + +FLORA. Yes; that will do. (_Rapping again._) + +JEROME. (_Going._) Ha, ha, ha, ha--I can't help laughing a little +though--but not before her--I'll be as serious as a judge before her. +(_aside_) Egad I am afraid--I am afraid I shall laugh. + (_Exit, stifling a laugh._) +FLORA. Now where shall I run to have a peep at her?--in here. + [_Exit Flora._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME, _bowing before the_ MARQUIS, _with his face on one + side, as if he was afraid to look at him for fear he should laugh_. + +MARQUIS. Let Don Antonio know I have letters for him. + +JEROME. Yes, your Honour--Lordship. (_Lifting up his eyes, looking at +him with side glances, and with difficulty stifling a laugh._) Your +Honour, your Lordship--Let Don Antonio--know--you--have--letters--for +--him. (_Suppressing a laugh._) + +MARQUIS. Yes; is not that plain? + +JEROME. Yes. (_still suppressing a laugh._) And he'll be very glad to +wait upon your Honour. [_Laughs right out and exit._ + +MARQUIS. A strange fellow this--How my heart beats! + +FLORA. (_from a door._) Oh that she would but turn this way, that I +might see her face--Oh the impudent slut. + + + _Enter_ JEROME _with a grin on his face_. + +JEROME. Noble Lord, Don Antonio will be here immediately. (_Then laughs +and stares at him from head to foot._) Here he is. + + + _Enter_ ANTONIO. + +(_The Marquis bows very respectfully whilst Jerome is laughing and +making faces behind._) + +MARQUIS. Letters, my Lord, from your brother at Madrid. + +ANTONIO. Signior. (_Taking the letters._) + +MARQUIS. (_aside while Antonio reads._) Heavens, whence this palpitation? +If such are the feelings of my bosom on knowing myself in the same house +with her, what must be my agitation on a nearer approach! + +ANTONIO. My letters inform me it is the Marquis who does me the honour +of this visit--My Lord, your Lordship-- + +JEROME. Ha, ha, ha. + +ANTONIO. What's the matter with you? + +JEROME. Sir, I was only-- + +ANTONIO. Only what? Leave the room. + +JEROME. (_Aside._) Well I thought the old Don would have found out a +woman in any disguise. [_Exit._ + +ANTONIO. My Lord, you may command my services and friendship, but I +fear you will not rate them so highly as I could wish, as you must be +debarred the acquaintance and society of my niece--You are no stranger +to the vow she has taken? + +MARQUIS. I am not--and yet I flatter myself the manner in which I am +spoken of in these letters-- + +ANTONIO. Be certain, Sir, my niece shall receive them, urged with all +my authority for an interview. Will your Lordship take a turn in the +garden while I deliver them and enforce their contents? + +MARQUIS. I will--and should you prove successful, Don Antonio, I shall +ever retain the deepest sense of the obligation. [_Exit Marquis._ + + + _Enter the_ COUNTESS. + +ANTONIO. Niece, I was this moment coming to you, to bring you these +letters from your uncle at Madrid, which you will find recommend, in the +strongest manner, to your acquaintance, no other than the young Marquis +our neighbour--as fine a youth as ever I saw. + +COUNTESS. Ha, ha, ha--is he arrived?-- + +ANTONIO. Now in the house--What is the matter?--Did you hear of his +intended visit? + +COUNTESS. Yes--Ha, ha, ha--how does he look? + +ANTONIO. Delightfully--I don't think I ever saw a handsomer man. + +COUNTESS. _Man!_--Ha, ha, ha, I dare say he looks a little awkward? + +ANTONIO. Aukward! No; he is as elegant in his deportment, and as fine, +as finished a young fellow as ever I saw. + +COUNTESS. (_After looking over the letter._) Certainly, I shall comply +with my uncle's request--Let his Lordship be admitted. + +ANTONIO. Niece, I always knew you could not keep your vow--I always knew +the very first man that came in your way--crash it would go directly, +but let me persuade you to break it by degrees, and not let the world +say you made no struggle first. + +COUNTESS. Struggle! Now, my dear Uncle, with all your deep discernment, +particularly in regard to our sex, to see you at last imposed upon +delights me. + +ANTONIO. Imposed upon! + +COUNTESS. Yes; for this self-same Marquis is a woman. + +ANTONIO. A woman! + +COUNTESS. Yes; this "fine, elegant creature." + +ANTONIO. That is, then, the very reason why I thought her so--"a fine +creature,"--now that is intuition, instinct, love without knowing +it--But, my dear niece, are you sure you are right? Are you sure you +don't deceive me? Don't disappoint me--I can't bear a disappointment in +a matter like this--I am vastly pleased, and a disappointment might be +fatal. + +COUNTESS. I assure you again a woman--sister to the Marquis--and has +undertaken this scheme purely to make love to me, and turn me into +ridicule. + +ANTONIO. Now I think of it again, she _was_ devilish awkward--and I +believe wore her sword on the wrong side. + +COUNTESS. It is she herself depend upon it. + +ANTONIO. To be sure it is--and I'll be hang'd if it did not strike me +to be a woman the moment I laid my eyes on her--for she came up to me +slipping and sliding, and tossing her head, just as the fine ladies do. +(_Mimicks._) Well--But what do you intend to do? I know what I intend to +do. + +COUNTESS. I shall carry on the scheme, and pretend to be deceived, till +I turn the joke she designs for me, on herself. + +ANTONIO. Yes; and I intend to have _my_ joke too. + +COUNTESS. But you must keep the secret. + +ANTONIO. I wo'nt say a word. + +COUNTESS. Take his Lordship into the saloon, and I'll wait upon him +immediately. + +ANTONIO. Aye, my dear--and you need not be in a hurry--Egad, I like the +joke of all things. [_Exit._ + + + _Enter_ JEROME _and_ FLORA. + +FLORA. Dear my Lady, have you seen her? + +COUNTESS. Not yet. + +FLORA. Well, I declare she looks as like a man! + +COUNTESS. I shall certainly laugh in her face. + +JEROME. Oh no, don't laugh--Never give your mind to laughing--I did not +even smile, but kept my countenance as steady--just thus--Did not I, +Flora? Oh--'tis such a weakness to laugh--Look just so--as I do now-- + +COUNTESS. I must away to the trial, however--come with me to the door, +Flora. + +JEROME. And be sure you don't laugh--Think on me, and keep your +countenance--if you can. + +(_Exit Countess and Flora on one side and Jerome on the other._) + + +END OF THE FIRST ACT. + + + + +ACT II. + +SCENE I. + +_The Hall in the Castle._ + + + _Enter_ FLORA. + +Dear me, what a pretty footman she has brought with her!--he made me +such a fine bow as I past--and looked so grand--here he is. + + + _Enter_ CARLOS _and bows--She courtesies_. + +FLORA. O Lord, I hope this is not a woman too! but I dare say it +is--Lord what a pity! but I'll talk to him, and I shall soon be able to +find out--and if he does not fall in love with me, I'll conclude it +can't be a man. [_aside._ + +CARLOS. A very pretty girl. (_aside._) Your humble servant, my dear +angel. + +FLORA. Too conceited for a man. (_aside._) + +CARLOS. May I venture, on so slight an acquaintance to protest to you-- + +FLORA. No--he protests--'tis a man. [_aside._ + +CARLOS. Permit me to assure you-- + +FLORA. Sir! + +CARLOS. What thus takes up your attention? + +FLORA. A doubt I have. + +CARLOS. Do you entertain any doubts of me? + +FLORA. Yes--Indeed I do. + +CARLOS. What are they? + +FLORA. I have been trying to put this bunch of ribbons into a right form +for my Lady's hair, and I hardly know how. + +CARLOS. Let me try. (_She gives the ribbons._) + +FLORA. Now shall I see by the dexterity, whether it is a woman or not. + [_aside._ + +CARLOS. There--I'll be hanged if I have not done it to a nicety. +(_Returns the ribbons._) + +FLORA. 'Tis a woman, pshaw. (_Aside and sighing._) + +CARLOS. Now I must beg a kiss for my pains. (_Kisses her._) + +FLORA. No--it must be a man. + +CARLOS. My charming-- + +FLORA. For Heaven's sake go about your business, for here comes a +fellow-servant of mine. + +CARLOS. I am going into the grove, will you come there presently? + +FLORA. Yes--perhaps I may--only begone now. + +CARLOS. But you'll come? + +FLORA. Yes--I think I will. + +CARLOS. I shall wait for you. [_Exit._ + + + _Enter_ URSULA. + +URSULA. So, Mrs. Flora, I give you joy of your new sweetheart--For +shame, for shame, I saw what passed. + +FLORA. Lord bless you--it is only a woman. + +URSULA. A woman! + +FLORA. Aye, in men's clothes, like the master, and so there could be no +harm you know. + +URSULA. I did not know the servant was a woman too! + +FLORA. Why, I am not sure of it--but I thought so when I let him kiss +me, and I thought so when I promised to meet him in the grove--and I +will e'en go--for I dare say 'tis only a woman. + +URSULA. Aye, now I think of it again, I am sure it is not a man--Do you +suppose a Lady in disguise, would take a man-servant to attend her? + +FLORA. Very true; and I wish, Ursula, you would go instead of me to the +grove, for I am so busy just at this time-- + +URSULA. And yet old Jerome says, and I never knew Jerome mistaken in my +life, he says it is a man--however, _I_ am not afraid of him if it is, +and I _will_ go instead of you. + +FLORA. No, Ursula--I will go after all--for if it _should_ prove a man, +and he should behave rude to you, oh! my dear Ursula, I should never be +happy, that I did not take it all upon myself. [_Exeunt separately._ + + +SCENE II. + +_A Parlour in the Castle._ + +_The_ COUNTESS, _the_ MARQUIS, _and_ DON ANTONIO _discovered sitting_. + + +ANTONIO. And so, my Lord, you once thought of the army--Do you think you +should stand your ground in a battle. (_Laughing to himself._) + +MARQUIS. Sir! (_Surprized._) + +ANTONIO. (_Aside._) Damn me but she has a good leg. + +COUNTESS. Your Lordship seems formed for the service of a softer Deity; +an occupation less perilous than that of war. + +ANTONIO. Aye, that you do. + +MARQUIS. Pardon me, Madam, the Deity you allude to, I fear may be yet +more fatal, unless you will kindly fight on my side. + +ANTONIO. Ha, ha, ha, I can't help laughing to think what a pretty +soldier you would make--You look vastly like a soldier to be sure.--Ha, +ha, ha. + +MARQUIS. Why not, Sir? (_Angrily._) + +ANTONIO. Nay, no offence--Damn me if I should not like to command a +whole regiment of you--and I would go upon some new achievements--For +instance, say the enemy were Hotten-tots, I would undertake to poison +them all by the scent of perfumes from my army--or in case of a repulse, +would engage at any time to raise a mist, and escape pursuit, only by +commanding every man to shake his head, and discharge the powder. + +MARQUIS. Upon my word, Sir, you are very pleasant. (_Forcing a smile._) + +ANTONIO. I am very glad your Lordship thinks so. + + + _Enter_ SERVANT. + +SERVANT. (_To Antonio._) Sir, you are wanted by a gentleman in the +parlour. + +ANTONIO. Pshaw--I'm busy--Who is it?--(_Servant whispers._) Well then I +must come. (_Exit Servant._) My Lord I take my leave for a minute, but +I shall soon be back. (_Aside._) How like a man she looks--Impudent +hussey. [_Exit._ + +MARQUIS. Your uncle's behaviour, Madam, has something in it rather +extraordinary--I hope I have not in any means offended him? + +COUNTESS. I can conceal my knowledge of her no longer. (_Aside._) Oh no, +my dear, not at all. + +MARQUIS. My dear! (_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. I declare I like you so well--so much better than I +expected--I can no longer treat you with cold reserve--Come sit down. +(_They sit._) + +MARQUIS. How kind is this! (_Drawing his chair near to her._) + +COUNTESS. (_Looking at him from head to foot._) Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I +protest I can't help laughing--Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. + +MARQUIS. Ha, ha, ha, ha--I protest no more can I--Sure fate directed me +to this heavenly spot, where ceremony has no share in politeness. + +COUNTESS. And did you suppose I should use any ceremony with such a +sweet, sweet fellow as you? + +MARQUIS. Egad, I'll use no ceremony either. (_Aside._) Thus, on my +knees, let me pour my thanks. + +COUNTESS. Oh you artful creature! (_Stroking his cheek._) + +MARQUIS. Art! I disclaim it--and so do you.--You are all pure nature. + +COUNTESS. Well, I positively do think you one of the cleverest of your +whole sex. + +MARQUIS. Thank you--Thank you--my dearest creature. (_Kissing her +hand._) + +COUNTESS. So negligent--so easy--not the lead awkward or embarrassed! + +MARQUIS. Egad, I think you as little embarrassed to the full. (_Aside._) +My dear Madam, your charming society has inspired me. (_Salutes her._) + +COUNTESS. Now, if you were really a _man_, what would you _deserve_ for +that? + +MARQUIS. Madam! (_Astonished._) + +COUNTESS. I say, if you were _really_ a man, what would you deserve for +that freedom? + +MARQUIS. _Really_ a man! Why?--What?--Don't I look like a man? + +COUNTESS. Yes--that you do--and a sweet pretty man--Come, come, don't +be frightened--shake hands--I forgive you--forgive you all your +impertinence--and, carry the jest as far as you will, I am resolved +not to be angry. + +MARQUIS. I am very much obliged to you--infinitely obliged to you--I +assure you this favour--this honour.--I don't know what to say--She +absolutely puts me out of countenance. (_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. What confused?--Come, resume your gaiety--Come, come-- + +MARQUIS. Come, come, then. (_seizing her._) + + + _Enter_ DON ANTONIO. + +ANTONIO. Hah!--What! Struggling? + +COUNTESS. Oh, Uncle, I have been so ill-used by this Gentleman, that I +must beg you will resent his behaviour. + +MARQUIS. How! + +ANTONIO. Certainly, my dear, if you _have_ been used ill. + +COUNTESS. Most scandalously--Frighten her a little. (_Aside to +Antonio._) + +MARQUIS. Upon my honour, Sir-- + +ANTONIO. Zounds, Sir, my niece is one of the most reserved, prudent +young women--and whosoever offers an insult to her, it is my place, and +consistent but with my honour, to resent it.--How white she looks. +(_Aside._) + +MARQUIS. Sir, I shall not draw my sword before the Countess, and +therefore I beg you will put up your's. + +ANTONIO. And so I will, my poor Lady--I see it has frightened you--Here, +Niece, have you any hartshorn or drops at hand--the poor thing is +terrified out of her life. Come, come, my poor little creature--Poor +thing--Poor rogue. (_He goes up to sooth him, and the Marquis gives him +a blow._) + +MARQUIS. Don Antonio, this insolence shall receive the correction it +deserves. (_Draws._) + +COUNTESS. She is not in earnest, sure. (_Aside._) + +ANTONIO. I have received many a blow from a Lady, but never such a one +as this! + +MARQUIS. Do you dare to call me a Lady again, Sir? + +ANTONIO. A Lady, oh no--you are a tyger, a fury-- + +MARQUIS. I never met with such usage!--Damnation! + +ANTONIO. What a profligate she is! I did not think such a word could +come out of a woman's mouth! + +MARQUIS. How, Sir!--Dare to say that again, and I'll nail you to the +wall. + +ANTONIO. (_Retreating._) Why, what is all this about? I won't fight--I +only drew my sword to frighten you. + +MARQUIS. To frighten me!--Did you think I was to be frightened? + +ANTONIO. Why not? You see I am. + +MARQUIS. Yes, I see, and scorn you for it. + +COUNTESS. Why, Uncle, the tables are fairly turned upon you. + +ANTONIO. Yes, Niece, and I'm much obliged to you, for your advice in the +business--But you may depend upon it, I shall take care how I attempt to +frighten one of your sex again. (_Going._) + +MARQUIS. Come back, Sir, I insist upon your coming back, and recalling +what you have said--I insist upon your begging me pardon for your +impertinent insinuation.-- + +ANTONIO. What insinuation?--That I think you a female?--I am sure there +is no offence meant in that--for, when I suppose you a woman, I suppose +you what I like better than anything in the world; what I am never happy +without; and what I even make myself poor, despised, and ridiculous, in +the daily pursuit of. + +MARQUIS. And pray, Sir, in what, do I appear like a woman? + +ANTONIO. And pray, Sir, in what, does any of our modern coxcombs appear +like a man? and yet they don't scruple to call themselves men. + +MARQUIS. Then you will not recall your sentiments and beg my pardon? + +ANTONIO. Beg your pardon?--No--Yes, yes--Put on your petticoats, and +I'll fall at your feet as soon as you please.-- + +MARQUIS. I'll bear this no longer--Draw. (_Marquis draws._) + +ANTONIO. Here Jerome, Jerome, come and defend me, where it would be a +dishonour to defend myself. + + + _Enter_ JEROME. + +ANTONIO. See, Jerome, how my life is assailed. + +JEROME. Aye, your Honour, I always told you the women would be the death +of you at last. + +MARQUIS. You too, rascal!-- + +JEROME. Well, I declare with her sword in her hand, she is as fine a +creature as ever I saw!--Oh you audacious minx. + +MARQUIS. Scoundrel-- + +JEROME. Sure, your Honour, she must be the Maid of Orleans. + +MARQUIS. I am no maid, Sir. + +JEROME. I am sorry for your misfortune. + +MARQUIS. Don Antonio, this treatment I suppose you inflict as a just +recompence for my presumption in daring to hope for an alliance in +your family, spite of the prejudice which I knew the Countess had +conceived--I cannot deny the justice of the accusation--I came into +her house with the vain hope---- + +COUNTESS. By no means _vain_--I am ready to comply, be your hopes what +they will. + +MARQUIS. Can I believe what you say real? + +COUNTESS. Certainly--Were you going to say you hoped to marry me? If you +were, call the Priest, and we'll be married immediately. + +ANTONIO. Aye, if that is what your Lordship wants, the Priest shall tack +you together in five minutes. + +MARQUIS. This sudden consent staggers me--I was not prepared for it--one +likes a little preparation before marriage as well as before death. +(_Aside._) + +COUNTESS. What! you are cast down--alarmed--want to recant--but I won't +let you--You _shall_ marry me--I insist upon it. + +MARQUIS. What, directly? + +COUNTESS. Yes, directly--I am in a hurry. + +MARQUIS. I believe this is mere trifling--Swear you will marry me. + +COUNTESS. I do swear. + +MARQUIS. You are witness to the oath. + +ANTONIO AND JEROME. We are witness. + + + _Enter_ SERVANT _with_ DONNA ISABELLA _veiled_. + +SERVANT. A Lady, Madam, who says she is sister to the Marquis. + +COUNTESS. Has the Marquis more sisters than one? + +MARQUIS. No. + +ANTONIO. Then this, I suppose, is your brother? + +JEROME. Aye, in women's clothes--O dear, another fine sight! + +COUNTESS. Oh Heavens, if it is a man, take him out of the room or I +shall faint. + +MARQUIS. Sister Isabella, when I shall relate to you the strange +reception I have met with in this house, you will be amazed--but I think +you will sincerely rejoice at the final event of my visit, when I tell +you it is a solemn promise from this Lady to become my wife. + +ISABEL. I give you joy most unfeignedly. (_Pulls off her veil._). + +COUNTESS. It is a _woman_. + +ANTONIO. Aye, that it is--Madam, let me bid you welcome to the castle. +(_Goes and salutes her._) + +COUNTESS. (_To the Marquis._) Why, what are you--(_After trembling as if +much terrified_) an't _you_ a woman? + +ISABEL. Countess, I knew you never would have consented to have seen +the Marquis, had he been introduced into the house as a man, therefore +I formed this stratagem, unknown to him, thus to bring you together. + +MARQUIS. (_To the Countess._) Do not droop, my dearest wife. + +COUNTESS. And are you really the Marquis? What a strange blunder have I +made! + +MARQUIS. I am the Marquis--and it shall be my future care to banish for +ever from your memory, the recollection of that marriage which has been +the source of so much woe to you. + +ANTONIO. Donna Isabella, we are all infinitely obliged to you for this +stratagem, by which you have induced the Countess, innocently to break +a vow, which she could not have kept without drawing upon herself both +ridicule and melancholy--My dear Niece, depend upon it, there is but +_one_ vow a woman is authorized to take. + +COUNTESS. And what vow is that _one_ Uncle? + +ANTONIO. A vow to LOVE, HONOUR and OBEY. [_Exeunt omnes._ + + +THE END. + + + + + Just published, by G. G. J. and J. ROBINSON, + + I'LL TELL YOU WHAT! + + A COMEDY, in Five Acts, + As performed at the Theatre-Royal in the Hay-Market; + By Mrs. INCHBALD. + Price One Shilling and Sixpence, + + APPEARANCE IS AGAINST THEM, + A FARCE, Price One Shilling, + By the same AUTHOR. + + ALSO, + DUPLICITY, + AND + THE FOLLIES OF A DAY, + COMEDIES; + THE NOBLE PEASANT, + AND + THE CHOLERIC FATHERS, + OPERAS, + By THOMAS HOLCROFT; + Price One Shilling and Sixpence each. + + LIKEWISE, + THE SCOTTISH VILLAGE; or, + PITCAIRN-GREEN, + A POEM, + By Mrs. COWLEY, + Price Two Shillings. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE + +In a few instances, missing punctuation has been added and the occasional +comma at the end of speech changed to a full stop. + +The misspelling of the name Antonio as Antonis on the character's first +entrance has been corrected. In the prologue, the spelling theee has +been retained, since this is presumably part of the mimicry (the word is +evidently "the" rather than "thee"). + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Widow's Vow, by Elizabeth Inchbald + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIDOW'S VOW *** + +***** This file should be named 35959.txt or 35959.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/9/5/35959/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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