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diff --git a/3237-h/3237-h.htm b/3237-h/3237-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..0a5f234 --- /dev/null +++ b/3237-h/3237-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1953 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII" /> +<title>The Garotters, by William D. Howells</title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + P { margin-top: .75em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + P.gutsumm { margin-left: 5%;} + P.poetry {margin-left: 3%; } + .GutSmall { font-size: 0.7em; } + H1, H2 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + } + H3, H4, H5 { + text-align: center; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-bottom: 1em; + } + BODY{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + table { border-collapse: collapse; } +table {margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto;} + td { vertical-align: top; border: 1px solid black;} + td p { margin: 0.2em; } + .blkquot {margin-left: 4em; margin-right: 4em;} /* block indent */ + + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .pagenum {position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: small; + text-align: right; + font-weight: normal; + color: gray; + } + img { border: none; } + img.dc { float: left; width: 50px; height: 50px; } + p.gutindent { margin-left: 2em; } + div.gapspace { height: 0.8em; } + div.gapline { height: 0.8em; width: 100%; border-top: 1px solid;} + div.gapmediumline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + div.gapmediumdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 40%; margin-left:30%; + border-top: 1px solid; border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; + margin-left: 40%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid; } + div.gapdoubleline { height: 0.3em; width: 50%; + margin-left: 25%; border-top: 1px solid; + border-bottom: 1px solid;} + div.gapshortline { height: 0.3em; width: 20%; margin-left:40%; + border-top: 1px solid; } + .citation {vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: none;} + img.floatleft { float: left; + margin-right: 1em; + margin-top: 0.5em; margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.floatright { float: right; + margin-left: 1em; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em; } + img.clearcenter {display: block; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0.5em; + margin-bottom: 0.5em} + --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> +</head> +<body> +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Garotters, by William D. Howells + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most +other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + + + + +Title: The Garotters + + +Author: William D. Howells + + + +Release Date: September 24, 2014 [eBook #3237] +[This file was first posted on 5 February 2001] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GAROTTERS*** +</pre> +<p>Transcribed from the 1897 David Douglas edition by David +Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/coverb.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Book cover" +title= +"Book cover" + src="images/covers.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<h1>THE GAROTTERS</h1> +<p style="text-align: center"><span +class="GutSmall">BY</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center">WILLIAM D. HOWELLS</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/tpb.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Decorative graphic" +title= +"Decorative graphic" + src="images/tps.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>Author’s Edition</i></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">EDINBURGH<br /> +DAVID DOUGLAS, CASTLE STREET<br /> +1897</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>For leave to act</i>, <i>apply +to the publisher</i></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><i>All rights reserved</i></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><span +class="smcap">Edinburgh</span>: Printed by T. and A. <span +class="smcap">Constable</span> for<br /> +<span class="smcap">David Douglas</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">London</span>: +<span class="smcap">Simpkin</span>, <span class="smcap">Marshall +and Co</span>.</p> +<h2>PART FIRST</h2> +<h3>I<br /> +MRS. ROBERTS; THEN MR. ROBERTS</h3> +<p><span class="smcap">At</span> the window of her apartment in +Hotel Bellingham, Mrs. Roberts stands looking out into the early +nightfall. A heavy snow is driving without, and from time +to time the rush of the wind and the sweep of the flakes against +the panes are heard. At the sound of hurried steps in the +anteroom, Mrs. Roberts turns from the window, and runs to the +<i>portière</i>, through which she puts her head.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Is that you, +Edward? So dark here! We ought really to keep the gas +turned up all the time.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Roberts</span>, in a muffled voice, +from without: ‘Yes, it’s I.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Well, hurry in +to the fire, do! Ugh, what a storm! Do you suppose +anybody will come? You must be half frozen, you poor +thing! Come quick, or you’ll certainly +perish!’ She flies from the <i>portière</i> to +the fire burning on the hearth, pokes it, flings on a log, jumps +back, brushes from her dress with a light shriek the sparks +driven out upon it, and continues talking incessantly in a voice +lifted for her husband to hear in the anteroom. ‘If +I’d dreamed it was any such storm as this, I should never +have let you go out in it in the world. It wasn’t at +all necessary to have the flowers. I could have got on +perfectly well, and I believe <i>now</i> the table would look +better without them. The chrysanthemums would have been +quite enough; and I know you’ve taken more cold. I +could tell it by your voice as soon as you spoke; and just as +quick as they’re gone to-night I’m going to have you +bathe your feet in mustard and hot water, and take eight of +aconite, and go straight to bed. And I don’t want you +to eat very much at dinner, dear, and you must be sure not to +drink any coffee, or the aconite won’t be of the least +use.’ She turns and encounters her husband, who +enters through the <i>portière</i>, his face pale, his +eyes wild, his white necktie pulled out of knot, and his shirt +front rumpled. ‘Why, Edward, what in the world is the +matter? What has happened?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, sinking into a chair: +‘Get me a glass of water, +Agnes—wine—whisky—brandy—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, bustling wildly +about: ‘Yes, yes. But what—Bella! +Bridget! Maggy!—Oh, I’ll go for it myself, and +I <i>won’t</i> stop to listen! Only—only +don’t die!’ While Roberts remains with his eyes +shut, and his head sunk on his breast in token of extreme +exhaustion, she disappears and reappears through the door leading +to her chamber, and then through the <i>portière</i> +cutting off the dining-room. She finally descends upon her +husband with a flagon of cologne in one hand, a small decanter of +brandy in the other, and a wineglass held in the hollow of her +arm against her breast. She contrives to set the glass down +on the mantel and fill it from the flagon, then she turns with +the decanter in her hand, and while she presses the glass to her +husband’s lips, begins to pour the brandy on his +head. ‘Here! this will revive you, and it’ll +refresh you to have this cologne on your head.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, rejecting a mouthful of +the cologne with a furious sputter, and springing to his feet: +‘Why, you’ve given me the cologne to <i>drink</i>, +Agnes! What are you about? Do you want to poison +me? Isn’t it enough to be robbed at six o’clock +on the Common, without having your head soaked in brandy, and +your whole system scented up like a barber’s shop, when you +get home?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: +‘Robbed?’ She drops the wineglass, puts the +decanter down on the hearth, and carefully bestowing the flagon +of cologne in the wood-box, abandons herself to justice: +‘Then let them come for me at once, Edward! If I +could have the heart to send you out in such a night as this for +a few wretched rosebuds, I’m quite equal to poisoning +you. Oh, Edward, <i>who</i> robbed you?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘That’s what I +don’t know.’ He continues to wipe his head with +his handkerchief, and to sputter a little from time to +time. ‘All I know is that when I +got—phew!—to that dark spot by the Frog Pond, just +by—phew!—that little group +of—phew!—evergreens, you +know—phew!—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, yes; go +on! I can bear it, Edward.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘—a man +brushed heavily against me, and then hurried on in the other +direction. I had unbuttoned my coat to look at my watch +under the lamp-post, and after he struck against me I clapped my +hand to my waistcoat, and—phew!—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: +‘Waistcoat! Yes!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘—found my +watch gone.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘What! +Your watch? The watch Willis gave you? Made out of +the gold that he mined himself when he first went out to +California? Don’t ask me to believe it, Edward! +But I’m only too glad that you escaped with your +life. Let them have the watch and welcome. Oh, nay +dear, dear husband!’ She approaches him with extended +arms, and then suddenly arrests herself. ‘But +you’ve got it on!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with as much returning +dignity as can comport with his dishevelled appearance: +‘Yes; I took it from him.’ At his wife’s +speechless astonishment: ‘I went after him and took it from +him.’ He sits down, and continues with resolute calm, +while his wife remains standing before him motionless: +‘Agnes, I don’t know how I came to do it. I +wouldn’t have believed I could do it. I’ve +never thought that I had much courage—physical courage; but +when I felt my watch was gone, a sort of frenzy came over +me. I wasn’t hurt; and for the first time in my life +I realised what an abominable outrage theft was. The +thought that at six o’clock in the evening, in the very +heart of a great city like Boston, an inoffensive citizen could +be assaulted and robbed, made me furious. I didn’t +call out. I simply buttoned my coat tight round me and +turned and ran after the fellow.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: +‘Edward!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, I did. +He hadn’t got half-a-dozen rods away—it all took +place in a flash—and I could easily run him down. He +was considerably larger than I—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘—and he +looked young and very athletic; but these things didn’t +seem to make any impression on me.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, I wonder +that you live to tell the tale, Edward!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Well, I wonder a +little at myself. I don’t set up for a great deal +of—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘But I always +knew you had it! Go on. Oh, when I tell Willis of +this! Had the robber any accomplices? Were there many +of them?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I only saw +one. And I saw that my only chance was to take him at a +disadvantage. I sprang upon him, and pulled him over on his +back. I merely said, “I’ll trouble you for that +watch of mine, if you please,” jerked open his coat, +snatched the watch from his pocket—I broke the chain, I +see—and then left him and ran again. He didn’t +make the slightest resistance nor utter a word. Of course +it wouldn’t do for him to make any noise about it, and I +dare say he was glad to get off so easily.’ With +affected nonchalance: ‘I’m pretty badly rumpled, I +see. He fell against me, and a scuffle like that +doesn’t improve one’s appearance.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, very solemnly: +‘Edward! I don’t know what to say! Of +course it makes my blood run cold to realise what you have been +through, and to think what might have happened; but I think you +behaved splendidly. Why, I never heard of such perfect +heroism! You needn’t tell <i>me</i> that he made no +resistance. There was a deadly struggle—your necktie +and everything about you shows it. And you needn’t +think there was only one of them—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, modestly: ‘I +don’t believe there was more.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: +‘Nonsense! There are <i>always</i> two! +I’ve read the accounts of those garottings. And to +think you not only got out of their clutches alive, but got your +property back—Willis’s watch! Oh, what +<i>will</i> Willis say? But I know how proud of you +he’ll be. Oh, I wish I could scream it from the +house-tops. Why didn’t you call the +police?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I didn’t +think—I hadn’t time to think.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘No +matter. I’m glad you have <i>all</i> the glory of +it. I don’t believe you half realise what +you’ve been through now. And perhaps this was the +robbers’ first attempt, and it will be a lesson to +them. Oh yes! I’m glad you let them escape, +Edward. They may have families. If every one behaved +as you’ve done, there would soon be an end of +garotting. But, oh! I can’t bear to think of +the danger you’ve run. And I want you to promise me +never, never to undertake such a thing again!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Well, I don’t +know—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, yes; you +must! Suppose you had got killed in that awful struggle +with those reckless wretches tugging to get away from you! +Think of the children! Why, you might have burst a +blood-vessel! Will you promise, Edward? Promise this +instant, on your bended knees, just as if you were in a court of +justice!’ Mrs. Roberts’s excitement mounts, and +she flings herself at her husband’s feet, and pulls his +face down to hers with the arm she has thrown about his +neck. ‘Will you promise?’</p> +<h3>II<br /> +MRS. CRASHAW; MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS</h3> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>, entering unobserved: +‘Promise you what, Agnes? The man doesn’t smoke +<i>now</i>. What more can you ask?’ She starts +back from the spectacle of Roberts’s disordered +dress. ‘Why, what’s happened to you, +Edward?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, springing to her +feet: ‘Oh, you may well ask that, Aunt Mary! +Happened? You ought to fall down and worship him! And +you <i>will</i> when you know what he’s been through. +He’s been robbed!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Robbed? +What nonsense! Who robbed him? <i>Where</i> was he +robbed?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘He was +attacked by two garotters—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No, +no—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t +speak, Edward! I <i>know</i> there were two. On the +Common. Not half an hour ago. As he was going to get +me some rosebuds. In the midst of this terrible +storm.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Is this true, +Edward?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t +answer, Edward! One of the band threw his arm round +Edward’s neck—so.’ She illustrates by +garotting Mrs. Crashaw, who disengages herself with +difficulty.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Mercy, +child! What <i>are</i> you doing to my lace?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And the other +one snatched his watch, and ran as fast as he could.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis’s +watch? Why, he’s got it on.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, with proud delight: +‘Exactly what I said when he told me.’ Then, +very solemnly: ‘And do you know <i>why</i> he’s got +it on?—’Sh, Edward! I <i>will</i> tell! +Because he ran after them and took it back again.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Why, they +might have killed him!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Of +<i>course</i> they might. But <i>Edward</i> didn’t +care. The idea of being robbed at six o’clock on the +Common made him so furious that he scorned to cry out for help, +or call the police, or anything; but he just ran after +them—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Agnes! +Agnes! There was only <i>one</i>.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Nonsense, +Edward! How could you tell, so excited as you +were?—And caught hold of the largest of the +wretches—a perfect young giant—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No, no; not a +<i>giant</i>, my dear.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Well, he was +<i>young</i>, anyway!—And flung him on the +ground.’ She advances upon Mrs. Crashaw in her +enthusiasm.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Don’t +you fling <i>me</i> on the ground, Agnes! I won’t +have it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And tore his +coat open, while all the rest were tugging at him, and snatched +his watch, and then—and then just walked coolly +away.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No, my dear; I ran +as fast as I could.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Well, +<i>ran</i>. It’s quite the same thing, and I’m +just as proud of you as if you had walked. Of course you +were not going to throw your life away.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I think he did +a very silly thing in going after them at all.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Why, of course, if +I’d thought twice about it, I shouldn’t have done +it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Of course you +wouldn’t, dear! And that’s what I want him to +promise, Aunt Mary: never to do it again, no matter <i>how</i> +much he’s provoked. I want him to promise it right +here in your presence, Aunt Mary!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I think +it’s much more important he should put on another collar +and—shirt, if he’s going to see company.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes; go right +off at once, Edward. How you <i>do</i> think of things, +Aunt Mary! I really suppose I should have gone on all night +and never noticed his looks. Run, Edward, and do it, +dear. But—kiss me first! Oh, it +<i>don’t</i> seem as if you could be alive and well after +it all! Are you sure you’re not hurt?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, embracing her: ‘No; +I’m all right.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And +you’re not injured internally? Sometimes +they’re injured internally—aren’t they, Aunt +Mary?—and it doesn’t show till months +afterwards. Are you sure?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, making a cursory +examination of his ribs with his hands: ‘Yes, I think +so.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And you +don’t feel any bad effects from the cologne +<i>now</i>? Just think, Aunt Mary, I gave him cologne to +drink, and poured the brandy on his head, when he came in! +But I was determined to keep calm, whatever I did. And if +I’ve poisoned him I’m quite willing to die for +it—oh, quite! I would gladly take the blame of it +before the whole world.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Well, for +pity’s sake, let the man go and make himself decent. +There’s your bell now.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, do go, +Edward. But—kiss me—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘He <i>did</i> +kiss you, Agnes. Don’t be a simpleton!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Did he? +Well, kiss me again, then, Edward. And now do go, +dear. M-m-m-m.’ The inarticulate endearments +represented by these signs terminate in a wild embrace, +protracted halfway across the room, in the height of which Mr. +Willis Campbell enters.</p> +<h3>III<br /> +MR. CAMPBELL, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS</h3> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, pausing in contemplation: +‘Hello! What’s the matter? What’s +she trying to get out of you, Roberts? Don’t you do +it, anyway, old fellow.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, in an ecstasy of +satisfaction: ‘Willis! Oh, you’ve come in time +to see him just as he is. Look at him, Willis!’ +In the excess of her emotion she twitches her husband about, and +with his arm fast in her clutch, presents him in the +disadvantageous effect of having just been taken into +custody. Under these circumstances Roberts’s attempt +at an expression of diffident heroism fails; he looks sneaking, +he looks guilty, and his eyes fall under the astonished regard of +his brother-in-law.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘What’s the +matter with him? What’s he been doing?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘’Sh, +Edward! What’s he been doing? What does he look +as if he had been doing?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: +‘Agnes—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘He looks as if he +had been signing the pledge. And he—smells like +it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘For shame, +Willis! I should think you’d sink through the +floor. Edward, not a word! I <i>am</i> ashamed of +him, if he <i>is</i> my brother.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why, what in the +world’s up, Agnes?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Up? +He’s been <i>robbed</i>!—robbed on the Common, not +five minutes ago! A whole gang of garotters surrounded him +under the Old Elm—or just where it used to be—and +took his watch away! And he ran after them, and knocked the +largest of the gang down, and took it back again. He +wasn’t hurt, but we’re afraid he’s been injured +internally; he may be bleeding internally <i>now</i>—Oh, do +you think he is, Willis? Don’t you think we ought to +send for a physician?—That, and the cologne I gave him to +drink. It’s the brandy I poured on his head makes him +smell so. And he all so exhausted he couldn’t speak, +and I didn’t know what I was doing, either; but he’s +promised—oh yes, he’s promised!—never, never to +do it again.’ She again flings her arms about her +husband, and then turns proudly to her brother.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Do you know what it +means, Aunt Mary?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Not in the +least! But I’ve no doubt that Edward can explain, +after he’s changed his linen—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh yes, do go, +Edward! Not but what I should be proud and happy to have +you appear just as you are before the whole world, if it was only +to put Willis down with his jokes about your absent-mindedness, +and his boasts about those California desperadoes of +his.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Come, come, +Agnes! I <i>must</i> protest against your—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, I know it +doesn’t become me to praise your courage, darling! +But I should like to know what Willis would have done, with all +his California experience, if a garotter had taken his +watch?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I should have let +him keep it, and pay five dollars a quarter himself for getting +it cleaned and spoiled. Anybody but a literary man +would. How many of them were there, Roberts?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I only saw +one.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘But of course +there were more. How could he tell, in the dark and +excitement? And the one he did see was a perfect giant; so +you can imagine what the rest must have been like.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Did you really knock +him down?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Knock him +down? Of course he did.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Agnes, +<i>will</i> you hold your tongue, and let the men +alone?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, whimpering: ‘I +can’t, Aunt Mary. And you couldn’t, if it was +yours.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I pulled him over +backwards.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘There, +Willis!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And grabbed your +watch from him?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I was in quite a +frenzy; I really hardly knew what I was doing—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And he +didn’t call for the police, or anything—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ah, that showed +presence of mind! He knew it wouldn’t have been any +use.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And when he +had got his watch away from them, he just let them go, because +they had families dependent on them.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I should have let +them go in the first place, but you behaved handsomely in the +end, Roberts; there’s no denying that. And when you +came in she gave you cologne to drink, and poured brandy on your +head. It must have revived you. I should think it +would wake the dead.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I was all +excitement, Willis—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘No, I should think +from the fact that you had set the decanter here on the hearth, +and put your cologne into the wood-box, you were perfectly calm, +Agnes.’ He takes them up and hands them to her. +‘Quite as calm as usual.’ The door-bell +rings.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis, +<i>will</i> you let that ridiculous man go away and make himself +presentable before people begin to come?’ The bell +rings violently, peal upon peal.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, my +goodness, what’s that? It’s the +garotters—I know it is; and we shall all be murdered in our +beds!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘What in the +world can it—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why don’t your +girl answer the bell, Agnes? Or I’ll go +myself.’ The bell rings violently again.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘<i>No</i>, +Willis, you sha’n’t! Don’t leave me, +Edward! Aunt Mary!—Oh, if we <i>must</i> die, let us +all die together! Oh, my poor children! Ugh! +What’s that?’ The servant-maid opens the outer +door, and uttering a shriek, rushes in through the drawing-room +<i>portière</i>.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bella the Maid</span>: ‘Oh, my +goodness! Mrs. Roberts, it’s Mr. Bemis!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Which Mr. +Bemis?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘What’s the +matter with him?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Why +doesn’t she show him in?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Has <i>he</i> been +garotting somebody too?’</p> +<h3>SCENE IV: MR. BEMIS, MR. CAMPBELL, MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS</h3> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, appearing through the +<i>portière</i>: ‘I—I beg your pardon, Mrs. +Roberts. I oughtn’t to present myself in this +state—I— But I thought I’d better stop on +my way home and report, so that my son needn’t be alarmed +at my absence when he comes. I—’ He +stops, exhausted, and regards the others with a wild stare, while +they stand taking note of his disordered coat, his torn vest, and +his tumbled hat. ‘I’ve just been +robbed—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Robbed? +Why, <i>Edward</i> has been robbed too.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘—coming through +the Common—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, +<i>Edward</i> was coming through the Common.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘—of my +watch—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, in rapturous +admiration of the coincidence: ‘Oh, and it was +Edward’s <i>watch</i> they took!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘It’s a +parallel case, Agnes. Pour him out a glass of cologne to +drink, and rub his head with brandy. And you might let him +sit down and rest while you’re enjoying the +excitement.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, in hospitable +remorse: ‘Oh, what am I thinking of! Here, +Edward—or no, you’re too weak, you +mustn’t. Willis, <i>you</i> help me to help him to +the sofa.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I think +you’d better help him off with his overcoat and his +arctics.’ To the maid: ‘Here, Bella, if you +haven’t quite taken leave of your wits, undo his +shoes.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘<i>I’ll</i> +help him off with his coat—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Careful! +careful! I may be injured internally.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, if you +only <i>were</i>, Mr. Bemis, perhaps I could persuade Edward that +he was too: I <i>know</i> he is. Edward, don’t exert +yourself! Aunt Mary, will you <i>stop</i> him, or do you +all wish to see me go distracted here before your +eyes?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, examining the overcoat +which Roberts has removed: ‘Well, you won’t have much +trouble buttoning and unbuttoning this coat for the +present.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘They tore it open, +and tore my watch from my vest pocket—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, looking at the vest: +‘I see. Pretty lively work. Were there many of +them?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘There must have been +two at least—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘There were +half a dozen in the gang that attacked Edward.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘One of them pulled me +violently over on my back—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Edward’s +put <i>his</i> arm round his neck and choked him.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: +‘Agnes!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I <i>know</i> +he did, Aunt Mary.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘And the other tore my +watch out of my pocket.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: +‘<i>Edward’s</i>—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Agnes, +I’m thoroughly ashamed of you. <i>Will</i> you stop +interrupting?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘And left me lying in +the snow.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And then he +ran after them, and snatched his watch away again in spite of +them all; and he didn’t call for the police, or anything, +because it was their first offence, and he couldn’t bear to +think of their suffering families.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, with a stare of profound +astonishment: ‘Who?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Edward. +Didn’t I <i>say</i> Edward, all the time?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘I thought you meant +me. I didn’t think of pursuing them; but you may be +very sure that if there had been a policeman within call—of +course there wasn’t one within cannon-shot—I should +have handed the scoundrels over without the slightest +remorse.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh!’ He +sinks into a chair with a slight groan.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘What is +it?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘’Sh! +Don’t say anything. But—stay here. I want +to speak with you, Willis.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, with mounting wrath: +‘I should not have hesitated an instant to give the rascal +in charge, no matter who was dependent upon him—no matter +if he were my dearest friend, my own brother.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, under his breath: +‘Gracious powers!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘And while I am very +sorry to disagree with Mr. Roberts, I can’t help feeling +that he made a great mistake in allowing the ruffians to +escape.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>, with severity: +‘I think you are quite right, Mr. Bemis.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Probably it was the +same gang attacked us both. After escaping from Mr. Roberts +they fell upon me.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I +haven’t a doubt of it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, <i>sotto voce</i> to his +brother-in-law: ‘I think I’ll ask you to go with me +to my room, Willis. Don’t alarm Agnes, please. +I—I feel quite faint.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, crestfallen: ‘I +can’t feel that Edward was to blame. Ed—Oh, I +suppose he’s gone off to make himself presentable. +But Willis—Where’s Willis, Aunt Mary?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Probably gone +with him to help him.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, he +<i>saw</i> how unstrung poor Edward was! Mr. Bemis, I think +you’re quite prejudiced. How could Edward help their +escaping? I think it was quite enough for him, +single-handed, to get his watch back.’ A ring at the +door, and then a number of voices in the anteroom. ‘I +do believe they’re all there! I’ll just run out +and prepare your son. He would be dreadfully shocked if he +came right in upon you.’ She runs into the anteroom, +and is heard without: ‘Oh, Dr. Lawton! Oh, Lou +dear! <i>Oh</i>, Mr. Bemis! How can I ever tell +you? Your poor father! No, no, I <i>can’t</i> +tell you! You mustn’t ask me! It’s too +hideous! And you wouldn’t believe me if I +did.’</p> +<p><i>Chorus of anguished voices</i>: ‘What? what? +what?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘They’ve +been robbed! Garotted on the Common! And, <i>oh</i>, +Dr. Lawton, I’m so glad <i>you’ve</i> come! +They’re both injured internally, but I <i>wish</i> +you’d look at Edward first.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Good heavens! +Is that Mrs. Roberts’s idea of preparing my son? And +his poor young wife!’ He addresses his demand to Mrs. +Crashaw, who lifts the hands of impotent despair.</p> +<h2>PART SECOND</h2> +<h3>MR. ROBERTS; MR. CAMPBELL</h3> +<p><span class="smcap">In</span> Mr. Roberts’s +dressing-room, that gentleman is discovered tragically +confronting Mr. Willis Campbell, with a watch uplifted in either +hand.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, gasping: +‘My—my watch!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Yes. How comes +there to be two of it?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t you +understand? When I went out I—didn’t take my +watch—with me. I left it here on my +bureau.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, merciful +heavens! don’t you see? Then I couldn’t have +been robbed!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, but whose +watch did you take from the fellow that didn’t rob you, +then?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘His +own!’ He abandons himself powerlessly upon a +chair. ‘Yes; I left my own watch here, and when that +person brushed against me in the Common, I missed it for the +first time. I supposed he had robbed me, and ran after him, +and—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Robbed +<i>him</i>!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ah, ha, ha, +ha! I, hi, hi, hi! O, ho, ho, ho!’ He +yields to a series of these gusts and paroxysms, bowing up and +down, and stamping to and fro, and finally sits down exhausted, +and wipes the tears from his cheeks. ‘Really, this +thing will kill me. What are you going to do about it, +Roberts?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with profound dejection +and abysmal solemnity: ‘I don’t know, Willis. +Don’t you see that it must have been—that I must have +robbed—Mr. Bemis?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Bemis!’ +After a moment for tasting the fact. ‘Why, so it +was! Oh, Lord! oh, Lord! And was poor old Bemis that +burly ruffian? that bloodthirsty gang of giants? +that—that—oh, Lord! oh, Lord!’ He bows +his head upon his chair-back in complete exhaustion, demanding, +feebly, as he gets breath for the successive questions, +‘What are you going to d-o-o-o? What shall you +s-a-a-a-y? How can you expla-a-ain it?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I can do +nothing. I can say nothing. I can never explain +it. I must go to Mr. Bemis and make a clean breast of it; +but think of the absurdity—the ridicule!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, after a thoughtful silence: +‘Oh, it isn’t <i>that</i> you’ve got to think +of. You’ve got to think of the old gentleman’s +sense of injury and outrage. Didn’t you hear what he +said—that he would have handed over his dearest friend, his +own brother, to the police?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But that was in the +supposition that his dearest friend, his own brother, had +intentionally robbed him. You can’t imagine, +Willis—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, I can imagine a +great many things. It’s all well enough for you to +say that the robbery was a mistake; but it was a genuine case of +garotting as far as the assault and taking the watch go. +He’s a very pudgicky old gentleman.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘He is.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And I don’t +see how you’re going to satisfy him that it was all a +joke. Joke? It <i>wasn’t</i> a joke! It +was a real assault and a <i>bona fide</i> robbery, and Bemis can +prove it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But he would never +insist—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, I don’t +know about that. He’s pretty queer, Bemis is. +You can’t say what an old gentleman like that will or +won’t do. If he should choose to carry it into +court—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Court!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘It might be +embarrassing. And anyway, it would have a very strange look +in the papers.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘The papers! +Good gracious!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ten years from now a +man that heard you mentioned would forget all about the +acquittal, and say: “Roberts? Oh yes! +Wasn’t he the one they sent to the House of Correction for +garotting an old friend of his on the Common!” You +see, it wouldn’t do to go and make a clean breast of it to +Bemis.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I see.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘What will you +do?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I must never say +anything to him about it. Just let it go.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And keep his +watch? I don’t see how you could manage that. +What would you do with the watch? You might sell it, of +course—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh no, I +<i>couldn’t</i> do that.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘You might give it +away to some deserving person; but if it got him into +trouble—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No, no; that +wouldn’t do, either.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And you can’t +have it lying around; Agnes would be sure to find it, sooner or +later.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Besides, +there’s your conscience. Your conscience +wouldn’t <i>let</i> you keep Bemis’s watch away from +him. And if it would, what do you suppose Agnes’s +conscience would do when she came to find it out? Agnes +hasn’t got much of a head—the want of it seems to +grow upon her; but she’s got a conscience as big as the +side of a house.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, I see; I +see.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, coming up and standing over +him, with his hands in his pockets: ‘I tell you what, +Roberts, you’re in a box.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, abjectly: ‘I know +it, Willis; I know it. What do you suggest? You +<i>must</i> know some way out of it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘It isn’t a +simple matter like telling them to start the elevator down when +they couldn’t start her up. I’ve got to think +it over.’ He walks to and fro, Roberts’s eyes +helplessly following his movements. ‘How would it do +to—No, that wouldn’t do, either.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘What +wouldn’t?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Nothing. I was +just thinking—I say, you might—Or, no, you +couldn’t.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Couldn’t +what?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Nothing. But +if you were to—No; up a stump that way too.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Which way? +For mercy’s sake, my dear fellow, don’t seem to get a +clew if you haven’t it. It’s more than I can +bear.’ He rises, and desperately confronts Willis in +his promenade. ‘If you see any hope at +all—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, stopping: ‘Why, if +you were a different sort of fellow, Roberts, the thing would be +perfectly easy.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Very well, +then. What sort of fellow do you want me to be? +I’ll be any sort of fellow you like.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, but you +couldn’t! With that face of yours, and that +confounded conscience of yours behind it, you would give away the +whitest lie that was ever told.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Do you wish me to +lie? Very well, then, I will lie. What is the +lie?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ah, now you’re +talking like a man! I can soon think up a lie if +you’re game for it. Suppose it wasn’t so very +white—say a delicate blonde!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I shouldn’t +care if it were as black as the ace of spades.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Roberts, I honour +you! It isn’t everybody who could steal an old +gentleman’s watch, and then be so ready to lie out of +it. Well, you <i>have</i> got courage—both +kinds—moral and physical.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Thank you, +Willis. Of course I don’t pretend that I should be +willing to lie under ordinary circumstances; but for the sake of +Agnes and the children—I don’t want any awkwardness +about the matter; it would be the death of me. Well, what +do you wish me to say? Be quick; I don’t believe I +could hold out for a great while. I don’t suppose but +what Mr. Bemis would be reasonable, even if I—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I’m afraid we +couldn’t trust him. The only way is for you to take +the bull by the horns.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘You will not only +have to lie, Roberts, but you will have to wear an air of +innocent candour at the same time.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I—I’m +afraid I couldn’t manage that. What is your +idea?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, just come into +the room with a laugh when we go back, and say, in an offhand +way, “By the way, Agnes, Willis and I made a remarkable +discovery in my dressing-room; we found my watch there on the +bureau. Ha, ha, ha!” Do you think you could do +it?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I—I +don’t know.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Try the laugh +now.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’d rather +not—now.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, try it, +anyway.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Ha, ha, +ha!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Once +more.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Ha, ha, +ha!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Pretty ghastly; but +I guess you can come it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’ll +try. And then what?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And then you say, +“I hadn’t put it on when I went out, and when I got +after that fellow and took it back, I was simply getting somebody +else’s watch!” Then you hold out both watches +to her, and laugh again. Everybody laughs, and crowds round +you to examine the watches, and you make fun and crack jokes at +your own expense all the time, and pretty soon old Bemis says, +“Why, this is <i>my</i> watch, <i>now</i>!” and you +laugh more than ever—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’m afraid I +couldn’t laugh when he said that. I don’t +believe I could laugh. It would make my blood run +cold.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh no, it +wouldn’t. You’d be in the spirit of it by that +time.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Do you think +so? Well?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And then you say, +“Well, this is the most remarkable coincidence I ever heard +of. I didn’t get my own watch from the fellow, but I +got yours, Mr. Bemis;” and then you hand it over to him and +say, “Sorry I had to break the chain in getting it from +him,” and then everybody laughs again, and—and that +ends it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with a profound sigh: +‘Do you think that would end it?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why, +certainly. It’ll put old Bemis in the wrong, +don’t you see? It’ll show that instead of +letting the fellow escape to go and rob <i>him</i>, you attacked +him and took Bemis’s property back from him yourself. +Bemis wouldn’t have a word to say. All you’ve +got to do is to keep up a light, confident manner.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But what if it +shouldn’t put Bemis in the wrong? What if he +shouldn’t say or do anything that we’ve counted upon, +but something altogether different?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, then, you must +trust to inspiration, and adapt yourself to +circumstances.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Wouldn’t it +be rather more of a joke to come out with the facts at +once?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘On you it would; and +a year from now—say next Christmas—you could get the +laugh on Bemis that way. But if you were to risk it now, +there’s no telling how he’d take it. He’s +so indignant he might insist upon leaving the house. But +with this plan of mine—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, in despair: ‘I +couldn’t, Willis. I don’t feel light, and I +don’t feel confident, and I couldn’t act it. If +it were a simple lie—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, lies are never +simple; they require the exercise of all your ingenuity. If +you want something simple, you must stick to the truth, and throw +yourself on Bemis’s mercy.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, walking up and down in +great distress: ‘I can’t do it; I can’t do +it. It’s very kind of you to think it all out for me, +but’—struck by a sudden idea—‘Willis, why +shouldn’t <i>you</i> do it?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘You are good at +those things. You have so much <i>aplomb</i>, you +know. <i>You</i> could carry it off, you know, +first-rate.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, as if finding a certain +fascination in the idea: ‘Well, I don’t +know—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘And I could chime +in on the laugh. I think I could do that if somebody else +was doing the rest.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, after a moment of silent +reflection: ‘I <i>should</i> like to do it. I should +like to see how old Bemis would look when I played it on +him. Roberts, I <i>will</i> do it. Not a word! +I should <i>like</i> to do it. Now you go on and hurry up +your toilet, old fellow; you needn’t mind me here. +I’ll be rehearsing.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, knocking at the door, +outside: ‘Edward, are you <i>never</i> coming?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, yes; +I’ll be there in a minute, my dear.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Yes, he’ll be +there. Run along back, and keep it going till we +come. Roberts, I wouldn’t take a thousand dollars for +this chance.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’m glad you +like it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Like it? Of +course I do. Or no! Hold on! Wait! It +won’t do! No; you must take the leading part, and +I’ll support you, and I’ll come in strong if you +break down. That’s the way we have got to work +it. You must make the start.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Couldn’t you +make it better, Willis? It’s your idea.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘No; they’d be +sure to suspect me, and they can’t suspect you of +anything—you’re so innocent. The illusion will +be complete.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, very doubtfully: ‘Do +you think so?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Yes. Hurry +up. Let me unbutton that collar for you.’</p> +<h2>PART THIRD</h2> +<h3>I<br /> +MRS. ROBERTS, DR. LAWTON, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. BEMIS, YOUNG MR. AND +MRS. BEMIS</h3> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, surrounded by her +guests, and confronting from her sofa Mr. Bemis, who still +remains sunken in his armchair, has apparently closed an +exhaustive recital of the events which have ended in his presence +there. She looks round with a mixed air of self-denial and +self-satisfaction to read the admiration of her listeners in +their sympathetic countenances.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Dr. Lawton</span>, with an ironical sigh +of profound impression: ‘Well, Mrs. Roberts, you are +certainly the most lavishly hospitable of hostesses. Every +one knows what delightful dinners you give; but these little +dramatic episodes which you offer your guests, by way of +appetizer, are certainly unique. Last year an elevator +stuck in the shaft with half the company in it, and this year a +highway robbery, its daring punishment and its reckless +repetition—what the newspapers will call “A Triple +Mystery” when it gets to them—and both victims among +our commensals! Really, I don’t know what more we +could ask of you, unless it were the foot-padded footpad himself +as a commensal. If this sort of thing should become <i>de +rigueur</i> in society generally, I don’t know what’s +to become of people who haven’t your invention.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, it’s +all very well to make fun now, Dr. Lawton; but if you had been +here when they first came in—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Young Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘Yes, +indeed, I think so too, Mrs. Roberts. If Mr. +Bemis—Alfred, I mean—and papa hadn’t been with +me when you came out there to prepare us, I don’t know what +I should have done. I should certainly have died, or gone +through the floor.’ She looks fondly up into the face +of her husband for approval, where he stands behind her chair, +and furtively gives him her hand for pressure.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Young Mr. Bemis</span>: ‘Somebody +ought to write to the Curwens—Mrs. Curwen, that +is—about it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, taking away her hand: +‘Oh yes, papa, <i>do</i> write!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘I will, my +dear. Even Mrs. Curwen, dazzling away in another +sphere—hemisphere—and surrounded by cardinals and all +the other celestial lights there at Rome, will be proud to +exploit this new evidence of American enterprise. I can +fancy the effect she will produce with it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And the +Millers—what a shame they couldn’t come! How +excited they would have been!—that is, Mrs. Miller. +Is their baby very bad, Doctor?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Well, vaccination is +always a very serious thing—with a first child. I +should say, from the way Mrs. Miller feels about it, that Miller +wouldn’t be able to be out for a week to come +yet.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, how +ridiculous you are, Doctor!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, rising feebly from his +chair: ‘Well, now that it’s all explained, Mrs. +Roberts, I think I’d better go home; and if you’ll +kindly have them telephone for a carriage—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘<i>No</i>, +indeed, Mr. Bemis! We shall not let you go. Why, the +<i>idea</i>! You must stay and take dinner with us, just +the same.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘But in this +state—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, never mind +the <i>state</i>. You look perfectly well; and if you +insist upon going, I shall know that you bear a grudge against +Edward for not arresting him. Wait! We can put you in +perfect order in just a second.’ She flies out of the +room, and then comes swooping back with a needle and thread, a +fresh white necktie, a handkerchief, and a hair-brush. +‘There! I can’t let you go to Edward’s +dressing-room, because he’s there himself, and the children +are in mine, and we’ve had to put the new maid in the +guest-chamber—you <i>are</i> rather cramped in flats, +that’s true; that’s the worst of them—but if +you don’t mind having your toilet made in public, like the +King of France—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, entering into the spirit of +it: ‘Not the least; but—’ He laughs, and +drops back into his chair.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, distributing the +brush to young Mr. Bemis, and the tie to his wife, and dropping +upon her knees before Mr. Bemis: ‘Now, Mrs. Lou, you just +whip off that crumpled tie and whip on the fresh one, and, +<i>Mister</i> Lou, you give his hair a touch, and I’ll have +this torn button-hole mended before you can think.’ +She seizes it and begins to sew vigorously upon it.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Agnes, you are +the most ridiculously sensible woman in the country.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, standing before the group, +with his arms folded and his feet well apart, in an attitude of +easy admiration: ‘The Wounded Adonis, attended by the Loves +and Graces. Familiar Pompeiian fresco.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, looking around at +him: ‘I don’t see a great many Loves.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘She ignores us, Mrs. +Crashaw. And after what you’ve just said!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Then why +don’t you do something?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘The Loves +<i>never</i> do anything—in frescoes. They stand +round and sympathise. Besides, we are waiting to administer +an anæsthetic. But what I admire in this subject even +more than the activity of the Graces is the serene dignity of the +Adonis. I have seen my old friend in many trying positions, +but I never realised till now all the simpering absurdity, the +flattered silliness, the senile coquettishness, of which his +benign countenance was capable.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t +mind him a bit, Mr. Bemis; it’s nothing +but—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Pure envy. I +own it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘All right, +Lawton. Wait till—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, making a final +stitch, snapping off the thread, and springing to her feet, all +in one: ‘There, have you finished, Mr. and Mrs. Lou? +Well, then, take this lace handkerchief, and draw it down from +his neck and pin it in his waistcoat, and you +have—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, as Mr. Bemis rises to his +feet: ‘A Gentleman of the Old School. Bemis, you look +like a miniature of yourself by Malbone. Rather flattered, +but—recognisable.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, with perfectly recovered +gaiety: ‘Go on, go on, Lawton. I can understand your +envy. I can pity it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Could you forgive +Roberts for not capturing the garotter?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Yes, I could. I +could give the garotter his liberty, and present him with an +admission to the Provident Woodyard, where he could earn an +honest living for his family.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, compassionately: ‘You +<i>are</i> pretty far gone, Bemis. Really, I think somebody +ought to go for Roberts.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, innocently: +‘Yes, indeed! Why, what in the world can be keeping +him?’ A nursemaid enters and beckons Mrs. Roberts to +the door with a glance. She runs to her; they whisper; and +then Mrs. Roberts, over her shoulder: ‘That ridiculous +great boy of mine says he can’t go to sleep unless I come +and kiss him good-night.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Which ridiculous +great boy, I wonder?—Roberts, or Campbell? But I +didn’t know they had gone to bed!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘You are too bad, +papa! You know it’s little Neddy.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, vanishing: ‘Oh, +I don’t mind his nonsense, Lou. I’ll fetch them +both back with me.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, after making a melodramatic +search for concealed listeners at the doors: ‘Now, friends, +I have a revelation to make in Mrs. Roberts’s +absence. I have found out the garotter—the +assassin.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">All the others</span>: +‘What!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘He has been +secured—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>, severely: +‘Well, I’m very glad of it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘By the +police?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, incredulously: +‘Papa!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘But there were +several of them. Have they all been arrested?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘There was only one, +and none of him has been arrested.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Where is he, +then?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘In this +house.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Now, Dr. +Lawton, you and I are old friends—I shouldn’t like to +say <i>how</i> old—but if you don’t instantly be +serious, I—I’ll carry my rheumatism to somebody +else.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘My <i>dear</i> Mrs. +Crashaw, you know how much I prize that rheumatism of +yours! I will be serious—I will be only too +serious. The garotter is Mr. Roberts himself.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">All</span>, horror-struck: +‘Oh!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘He went out without +his watch. He thought he was robbed, but he +wasn’t. He ran after the supposed thief, our poor +friend Bemis here, and took Bemis’s watch away, and brought +it home for his own.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘Yes, +but—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘But, +papa—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘How do you know +it? I can see how such a thing might happen, but—how +do you know it <i>did</i>?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘I divined +it.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: +‘Nonsense!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Very well, then, I +read of just such a ease in the <i>Advertiser</i> a year +ago. It occurs annually—in the newspapers. And +I’ll tell you what, Mrs. Crashaw—Roberts found out +his mistake as soon as he went to his dressing-room; and that +ingenious nephew of yours, who’s closeted with him there, +has been trying to put him up to something—to some +game.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis has too +much sense. He would know that Edward couldn’t carry +out any sort of game.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Well, then, +he’s getting Roberts to let <i>him</i> carry out the +game.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Edward +couldn’t do that either.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Very well, then, +just wait till they come back. Will you leave me to deal +with Campbell?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘What are you +going to do?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘You +mustn’t forget that he got us out of the elevator, +sir.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘We might have +been there yet if it hadn’t been for him, papa.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I +shouldn’t want Willis mortified.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Nor Mr. Roberts +annoyed. We’re fellow-sufferers in this +business.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Oh, leave it to me, +leave it to me! I’ll spare their feelings. +Don’t be afraid. Ah, there they come! Now +don’t say anything. I’ll just step into the +anteroom here.’</p> +<h3>II<br /> +MR. ROBERTS, MR. CAMPBELL, AND THE OTHERS</h3> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, entering the room before +Campbell, and shaking hands with his guests: ‘Ah, Mr. +Bemis; Mrs. Bemis; Aunt Mary! You’ve heard of our +comical little coincidence—our—Mr. Bemis and +my—’ He halts, confused, and looks around for +the moral support of Willis, who follows hilariously.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Greatest joke on +record! But I won’t spoil it for you, Roberts. +Go on!’ In a low voice to Roberts: ‘And +don’t look so confoundedly down in the mouth. They +won’t think it’s a joke at all.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with galvanic lightness: +‘Yes, yes—such a joke! Well, you see—you +see—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘See +<i>what</i>, Edward? <i>Do</i> get it out!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, jollily: ‘Ah, ha, +ha!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, lugubriously: ‘Ah, +ha, ha!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘How funny! +Ha, ha, ha!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Young Mr. Bemis</span>: ‘Capital! +capital!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Excellent!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Go on, Roberts, do! +or I shall die! Ah, ha, ha!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, in a low voice of +consternation to Willis: ‘Where was I? I can’t +go on unless I know where I was.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, <i>sotto voce</i> to +Roberts: ‘You weren’t anywhere! For +Heaven’s sake, make a start!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, to the others, +convulsively: ‘Ha, ha, ha! I supposed all the time, +you know, that I had been robbed, and—and—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Go on! <i>go</i> +on!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, whispering: ‘I +can’t do it—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, whispering: +‘You’ve <i>got</i> to! You’re the beaver +that clomb the tree. Laugh naturally, now!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with a staccato groan, +which he tries to make pass for a laugh: ‘And then I ran +after the man—’ He stops, and regards Mr. Bemis with +a ghastly stare.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘What is the +matter with you, Edward? Are you sick?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Sick? +No! Can’t you see that he can’t get over the +joke of the thing? It’s killing him.’ To +Roberts: ‘Brace up, old man! You’re doing it +splendidly.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, hopelessly: ‘And +then the other man—the man that had robbed me—the man +that I had pursued—ugh!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, it is too much +for him. I shall have to tell it myself, I see.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, making a wild effort to +command himself: ‘And so—so—this +man—man—ma—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, good +Lord—’ Dr. Lawton suddenly appears from the +anteroom and confronts him. ‘Oh, the +devil!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, folding his arms, and +fixing his eyes upon him: ‘Which means that you forgot I +was coming.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Doctor, you read a +man’s symptoms at a glance.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Yes; and I can see +that you are in a bad way, Mr. Campbell.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why don’t you +advertise, Doctor? Patients need only enclose a lock of +their hair, and the colour of their eyes, with one dollar to pay +the cost of materials, which will be sent, with full directions +for treatment, by return mail. Seventh son of a seventh +son.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Ah, don’t try +to jest it away, my poor friend. This is one of those +obscure diseases of the heart—induration of the +pericardium—which, if not taken in time, result in +deceitfulness above all things, and desperate +wickedness.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Look here, Dr. +Lawton, what are you up to?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Look here, Mr. +Campbell, what is your little game?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘<i>I</i> don’t +know what you’re up to.’ He shrugs his +shoulders and walks up the room.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, shrugging his shoulders and +walking up the room abreast of Campbell: ‘<i>I</i> +don’t know what your little game is.’ They +return together, and stop, confronting each other.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘But if you think +I’m going to give myself away—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘If you suppose +I’m going to take you at your own +figure—’ They walk up the room together, and +return as before.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Mrs. Bemis, what is +this unnatural parent of yours after?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, tittering: ‘Oh, +I’m sure <i>I</i> can’t tell.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Aunt Mary, you used +to be a friend of mine. Can’t you give me some sort +of clue?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I should be +ashamed of you, Willis, if you accepted anybody’s +help.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, sighing: ‘Well, this +is pretty hard on an orphan. Here I come to join a company +of friends at the fireside of a burgled brother-in-law, and I +find myself in a nest of conspirators.’ Suddenly, +after a moment: ‘Oh, I understand. Why, I ought to +have seen at once. But no matter—it’s just as +well. I’m sure that we shall hear Dr. Lawton +leniently, and make allowance for his well-known foible. +Roberts is bound by the laws of hospitality, and Mr. Bemis is the +father-in-law of his daughter.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, in serious dismay: +‘Why, Mr. Campbell, what do you mean?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Simply that the +mystery is solved—the double garotter is discovered. +I’m sorry for you, Mrs. Bemis; and no one will wish to deal +harshly with your father when he confesses that it was he who +robbed Mr. Roberts and Mr. Bemis. All that they ask is to +have their watches back. Go on, Doctor! How will that +do, Aunt Mary, for a little flyer?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis, I +declare I never saw anybody like you!’ She embraces +him with joyous pride.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, coming forward anxiously: +‘But, my dear Willis—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, clapping his hand over his +mouth, and leading him back to his place: ‘We can’t +let you talk now. I’ve no doubt you’ll be +considerate, and all that, but Dr. Lawton has the floor. Go +on, Doctor! Free your mind! Don’t be afraid of +telling the whole truth! It will be better for you in the +end.’ He rubs his hands gleefully, and then thrusting +the points of them into his waistcoat pockets, stands beaming +triumphantly upon Lawton.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Do you think +so?’ With well-affected trepidation ‘Well, +friends, if I must confess this—this—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘High-handed +outrage. Go on.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘I suppose I +must. I shall not expect mercy for myself; perhaps +you’ll say that, as an old and hardened offender, I +don’t deserve it. But I had an accomplice—a +young man very respectably connected, and who, whatever his +previous life may have been, had managed to keep a good +reputation; a young man a little apt to be misled by overweening +vanity and the ill-advised flattery of his friends; but I hope +that neither of you gentlemen will be hard upon him, but will +consider his youth, and perhaps his congenital moral and +intellectual deficiencies, even when you find your +watches—on Mr. Campbell’s person.’ He +leans forward, rubbing his hands, and smiling upon Campbell, +‘How will that do, Mr. Campbell, for a flyer?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, turning to Mrs. Crashaw: +‘One ahead, Aunt Mary?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, clasping him by the hand: +‘No, generous youth—even!’ They shake +hands, clapping each other on the back with their lefts, and +joining in the general laugh.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, coming forward jovially: +‘Well, now, I gladly forgive you both—or whoever +<i>did</i> rob me—if you’ll only give me back my +watch.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘<i>I</i> +haven’t got your watch.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Nor I.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, rather faintly, and coming +reluctantly forward: ‘I—I have it, Mr. +Bemis.’ He produces it from one waistcoat pocket and +hands it to Bemis. Then, visiting the other: ‘And +what’s worse, I have my own. I don’t know how I +can ever explain it, or atone to you for my extraordinary +behaviour. Willis thought you might finally see it as a +joke, and I’ve done my best to pass it off +lightly—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And you +succeeded. You had all the lightness of a sick +hippopotamus.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’m afraid +so. I’ll have the chain mended, of course. But +when I went out this evening I left my watch on my +dressing-table, and when you struck against me in the Common I +missed it, and supposed I had been robbed, and I ran after you +and took yours—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Being a man of the +most violent temper and the most desperate +courage—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But I hope, my dear +sir, that I didn’t hurt you seriously?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Not at all—not +the least.’ Shaking him cordially by both hands: +‘I’m all right. Mrs. Roberts has healed all my +wounds with her skilful needle; I’ve got on one of your +best neckties, and this lace handkerchief of your wife’s, +which I’m going to keep for a souvenir of the most +extraordinary adventure of my life—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Oh, it’s an +old newspaper story, Bemis, I tell you.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, Aunt Mary, I +wish Agnes were here now to see Roberts in his character of +<i>moral</i> hero. He ‘done’ it with his little +hatchet, but he waited to make sure that Bushrod was all right +before he owned up.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, appearing: +‘Who, Willis?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘A very great and +good man—George Washington.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I thought you +meant Edward.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, I don’t +suppose there <i>is</i> much difference.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘The robber has +been caught, Agnes.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Caught? +Nonsense! You don’t mean it! How can you trifle +with such a subject? I know you are joking! Who is +it?’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘You never could +guess—’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘Never in the +world!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I don’t +wish to. But oh, Mr. Bemis, I’ve just come from my +own children, and you must be merciful to his family!’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘For your sake, dear +lady, I will.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Bella</span>, between the +<i>portières</i>: ‘Dinner is ready, Mrs. +Roberts.’</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, passing her hand +through Mr. Bemis’s arm: ‘Oh, then you must go in +with me, and tell me all about it.’</p> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GAROTTERS***</p> +<pre> + + +***** This file should be named 3237-h.htm or 3237-h.zip****** + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/2/2/3237 + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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