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<pre>
The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Garotters, by William D. Howells
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of
the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have
to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook.
Title: The Garotters
Author: William D. Howells
Release Date: September 24, 2014 [eBook #3237]
[This file was first posted on 5 February 2001]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GAROTTERS***
</pre>
<p>Transcribed from the 1897 David Douglas edition by David
Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p>
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</a></p>
<h1>THE GAROTTERS</h1>
<p style="text-align: center"><span
class="GutSmall">BY</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center">WILLIAM D. HOWELLS</p>
<p style="text-align: center">
<a href="images/tpb.jpg">
<img alt=
"Decorative graphic"
title=
"Decorative graphic"
src="images/tps.jpg" />
</a></p>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>Author’s Edition</i></p>
<div class="gapspace"> </div>
<p style="text-align: center">EDINBURGH<br />
DAVID DOUGLAS, CASTLE STREET<br />
1897</p>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>For leave to act</i>, <i>apply
to the publisher</i></p>
<p style="text-align: center"><i>All rights reserved</i></p>
<div class="gapspace"> </div>
<p style="text-align: center"><span
class="smcap">Edinburgh</span>: Printed by T. and A. <span
class="smcap">Constable</span> for<br />
<span class="smcap">David Douglas</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">London</span>:
<span class="smcap">Simpkin</span>, <span class="smcap">Marshall
and Co</span>.</p>
<h2>PART FIRST</h2>
<h3>I<br />
MRS. ROBERTS; THEN MR. ROBERTS</h3>
<p><span class="smcap">At</span> the window of her apartment in
Hotel Bellingham, Mrs. Roberts stands looking out into the early
nightfall. A heavy snow is driving without, and from time
to time the rush of the wind and the sweep of the flakes against
the panes are heard. At the sound of hurried steps in the
anteroom, Mrs. Roberts turns from the window, and runs to the
<i>portière</i>, through which she puts her head.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Is that you,
Edward? So dark here! We ought really to keep the gas
turned up all the time.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Roberts</span>, in a muffled voice,
from without: ‘Yes, it’s I.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Well, hurry in
to the fire, do! Ugh, what a storm! Do you suppose
anybody will come? You must be half frozen, you poor
thing! Come quick, or you’ll certainly
perish!’ She flies from the <i>portière</i> to
the fire burning on the hearth, pokes it, flings on a log, jumps
back, brushes from her dress with a light shriek the sparks
driven out upon it, and continues talking incessantly in a voice
lifted for her husband to hear in the anteroom. ‘If
I’d dreamed it was any such storm as this, I should never
have let you go out in it in the world. It wasn’t at
all necessary to have the flowers. I could have got on
perfectly well, and I believe <i>now</i> the table would look
better without them. The chrysanthemums would have been
quite enough; and I know you’ve taken more cold. I
could tell it by your voice as soon as you spoke; and just as
quick as they’re gone to-night I’m going to have you
bathe your feet in mustard and hot water, and take eight of
aconite, and go straight to bed. And I don’t want you
to eat very much at dinner, dear, and you must be sure not to
drink any coffee, or the aconite won’t be of the least
use.’ She turns and encounters her husband, who
enters through the <i>portière</i>, his face pale, his
eyes wild, his white necktie pulled out of knot, and his shirt
front rumpled. ‘Why, Edward, what in the world is the
matter? What has happened?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, sinking into a chair:
‘Get me a glass of water,
Agnes—wine—whisky—brandy—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, bustling wildly
about: ‘Yes, yes. But what—Bella!
Bridget! Maggy!—Oh, I’ll go for it myself, and
I <i>won’t</i> stop to listen! Only—only
don’t die!’ While Roberts remains with his eyes
shut, and his head sunk on his breast in token of extreme
exhaustion, she disappears and reappears through the door leading
to her chamber, and then through the <i>portière</i>
cutting off the dining-room. She finally descends upon her
husband with a flagon of cologne in one hand, a small decanter of
brandy in the other, and a wineglass held in the hollow of her
arm against her breast. She contrives to set the glass down
on the mantel and fill it from the flagon, then she turns with
the decanter in her hand, and while she presses the glass to her
husband’s lips, begins to pour the brandy on his
head. ‘Here! this will revive you, and it’ll
refresh you to have this cologne on your head.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, rejecting a mouthful of
the cologne with a furious sputter, and springing to his feet:
‘Why, you’ve given me the cologne to <i>drink</i>,
Agnes! What are you about? Do you want to poison
me? Isn’t it enough to be robbed at six o’clock
on the Common, without having your head soaked in brandy, and
your whole system scented up like a barber’s shop, when you
get home?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>:
‘Robbed?’ She drops the wineglass, puts the
decanter down on the hearth, and carefully bestowing the flagon
of cologne in the wood-box, abandons herself to justice:
‘Then let them come for me at once, Edward! If I
could have the heart to send you out in such a night as this for
a few wretched rosebuds, I’m quite equal to poisoning
you. Oh, Edward, <i>who</i> robbed you?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘That’s what I
don’t know.’ He continues to wipe his head with
his handkerchief, and to sputter a little from time to
time. ‘All I know is that when I
got—phew!—to that dark spot by the Frog Pond, just
by—phew!—that little group
of—phew!—evergreens, you
know—phew!—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, yes; go
on! I can bear it, Edward.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘—a man
brushed heavily against me, and then hurried on in the other
direction. I had unbuttoned my coat to look at my watch
under the lamp-post, and after he struck against me I clapped my
hand to my waistcoat, and—phew!—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>:
‘Waistcoat! Yes!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘—found my
watch gone.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘What!
Your watch? The watch Willis gave you? Made out of
the gold that he mined himself when he first went out to
California? Don’t ask me to believe it, Edward!
But I’m only too glad that you escaped with your
life. Let them have the watch and welcome. Oh, nay
dear, dear husband!’ She approaches him with extended
arms, and then suddenly arrests herself. ‘But
you’ve got it on!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with as much returning
dignity as can comport with his dishevelled appearance:
‘Yes; I took it from him.’ At his wife’s
speechless astonishment: ‘I went after him and took it from
him.’ He sits down, and continues with resolute calm,
while his wife remains standing before him motionless:
‘Agnes, I don’t know how I came to do it. I
wouldn’t have believed I could do it. I’ve
never thought that I had much courage—physical courage; but
when I felt my watch was gone, a sort of frenzy came over
me. I wasn’t hurt; and for the first time in my life
I realised what an abominable outrage theft was. The
thought that at six o’clock in the evening, in the very
heart of a great city like Boston, an inoffensive citizen could
be assaulted and robbed, made me furious. I didn’t
call out. I simply buttoned my coat tight round me and
turned and ran after the fellow.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>:
‘Edward!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, I did.
He hadn’t got half-a-dozen rods away—it all took
place in a flash—and I could easily run him down. He
was considerably larger than I—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘—and he
looked young and very athletic; but these things didn’t
seem to make any impression on me.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, I wonder
that you live to tell the tale, Edward!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Well, I wonder a
little at myself. I don’t set up for a great deal
of—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘But I always
knew you had it! Go on. Oh, when I tell Willis of
this! Had the robber any accomplices? Were there many
of them?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I only saw
one. And I saw that my only chance was to take him at a
disadvantage. I sprang upon him, and pulled him over on his
back. I merely said, “I’ll trouble you for that
watch of mine, if you please,” jerked open his coat,
snatched the watch from his pocket—I broke the chain, I
see—and then left him and ran again. He didn’t
make the slightest resistance nor utter a word. Of course
it wouldn’t do for him to make any noise about it, and I
dare say he was glad to get off so easily.’ With
affected nonchalance: ‘I’m pretty badly rumpled, I
see. He fell against me, and a scuffle like that
doesn’t improve one’s appearance.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, very solemnly:
‘Edward! I don’t know what to say! Of
course it makes my blood run cold to realise what you have been
through, and to think what might have happened; but I think you
behaved splendidly. Why, I never heard of such perfect
heroism! You needn’t tell <i>me</i> that he made no
resistance. There was a deadly struggle—your necktie
and everything about you shows it. And you needn’t
think there was only one of them—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, modestly: ‘I
don’t believe there was more.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>:
‘Nonsense! There are <i>always</i> two!
I’ve read the accounts of those garottings. And to
think you not only got out of their clutches alive, but got your
property back—Willis’s watch! Oh, what
<i>will</i> Willis say? But I know how proud of you
he’ll be. Oh, I wish I could scream it from the
house-tops. Why didn’t you call the
police?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I didn’t
think—I hadn’t time to think.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘No
matter. I’m glad you have <i>all</i> the glory of
it. I don’t believe you half realise what
you’ve been through now. And perhaps this was the
robbers’ first attempt, and it will be a lesson to
them. Oh yes! I’m glad you let them escape,
Edward. They may have families. If every one behaved
as you’ve done, there would soon be an end of
garotting. But, oh! I can’t bear to think of
the danger you’ve run. And I want you to promise me
never, never to undertake such a thing again!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Well, I don’t
know—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, yes; you
must! Suppose you had got killed in that awful struggle
with those reckless wretches tugging to get away from you!
Think of the children! Why, you might have burst a
blood-vessel! Will you promise, Edward? Promise this
instant, on your bended knees, just as if you were in a court of
justice!’ Mrs. Roberts’s excitement mounts, and
she flings herself at her husband’s feet, and pulls his
face down to hers with the arm she has thrown about his
neck. ‘Will you promise?’</p>
<h3>II<br />
MRS. CRASHAW; MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS</h3>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>, entering unobserved:
‘Promise you what, Agnes? The man doesn’t smoke
<i>now</i>. What more can you ask?’ She starts
back from the spectacle of Roberts’s disordered
dress. ‘Why, what’s happened to you,
Edward?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, springing to her
feet: ‘Oh, you may well ask that, Aunt Mary!
Happened? You ought to fall down and worship him! And
you <i>will</i> when you know what he’s been through.
He’s been robbed!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Robbed?
What nonsense! Who robbed him? <i>Where</i> was he
robbed?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘He was
attacked by two garotters—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No,
no—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t
speak, Edward! I <i>know</i> there were two. On the
Common. Not half an hour ago. As he was going to get
me some rosebuds. In the midst of this terrible
storm.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Is this true,
Edward?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t
answer, Edward! One of the band threw his arm round
Edward’s neck—so.’ She illustrates by
garotting Mrs. Crashaw, who disengages herself with
difficulty.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Mercy,
child! What <i>are</i> you doing to my lace?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And the other
one snatched his watch, and ran as fast as he could.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis’s
watch? Why, he’s got it on.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, with proud delight:
‘Exactly what I said when he told me.’ Then,
very solemnly: ‘And do you know <i>why</i> he’s got
it on?—’Sh, Edward! I <i>will</i> tell!
Because he ran after them and took it back again.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Why, they
might have killed him!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Of
<i>course</i> they might. But <i>Edward</i> didn’t
care. The idea of being robbed at six o’clock on the
Common made him so furious that he scorned to cry out for help,
or call the police, or anything; but he just ran after
them—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Agnes!
Agnes! There was only <i>one</i>.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Nonsense,
Edward! How could you tell, so excited as you
were?—And caught hold of the largest of the
wretches—a perfect young giant—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No, no; not a
<i>giant</i>, my dear.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Well, he was
<i>young</i>, anyway!—And flung him on the
ground.’ She advances upon Mrs. Crashaw in her
enthusiasm.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Don’t
you fling <i>me</i> on the ground, Agnes! I won’t
have it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And tore his
coat open, while all the rest were tugging at him, and snatched
his watch, and then—and then just walked coolly
away.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No, my dear; I ran
as fast as I could.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Well,
<i>ran</i>. It’s quite the same thing, and I’m
just as proud of you as if you had walked. Of course you
were not going to throw your life away.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I think he did
a very silly thing in going after them at all.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Why, of course, if
I’d thought twice about it, I shouldn’t have done
it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Of course you
wouldn’t, dear! And that’s what I want him to
promise, Aunt Mary: never to do it again, no matter <i>how</i>
much he’s provoked. I want him to promise it right
here in your presence, Aunt Mary!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I think
it’s much more important he should put on another collar
and—shirt, if he’s going to see company.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes; go right
off at once, Edward. How you <i>do</i> think of things,
Aunt Mary! I really suppose I should have gone on all night
and never noticed his looks. Run, Edward, and do it,
dear. But—kiss me first! Oh, it
<i>don’t</i> seem as if you could be alive and well after
it all! Are you sure you’re not hurt?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, embracing her: ‘No;
I’m all right.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And
you’re not injured internally? Sometimes
they’re injured internally—aren’t they, Aunt
Mary?—and it doesn’t show till months
afterwards. Are you sure?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, making a cursory
examination of his ribs with his hands: ‘Yes, I think
so.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And you
don’t feel any bad effects from the cologne
<i>now</i>? Just think, Aunt Mary, I gave him cologne to
drink, and poured the brandy on his head, when he came in!
But I was determined to keep calm, whatever I did. And if
I’ve poisoned him I’m quite willing to die for
it—oh, quite! I would gladly take the blame of it
before the whole world.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Well, for
pity’s sake, let the man go and make himself decent.
There’s your bell now.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, do go,
Edward. But—kiss me—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘He <i>did</i>
kiss you, Agnes. Don’t be a simpleton!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Did he?
Well, kiss me again, then, Edward. And now do go,
dear. M-m-m-m.’ The inarticulate endearments
represented by these signs terminate in a wild embrace,
protracted halfway across the room, in the height of which Mr.
Willis Campbell enters.</p>
<h3>III<br />
MR. CAMPBELL, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS</h3>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, pausing in contemplation:
‘Hello! What’s the matter? What’s
she trying to get out of you, Roberts? Don’t you do
it, anyway, old fellow.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, in an ecstasy of
satisfaction: ‘Willis! Oh, you’ve come in time
to see him just as he is. Look at him, Willis!’
In the excess of her emotion she twitches her husband about, and
with his arm fast in her clutch, presents him in the
disadvantageous effect of having just been taken into
custody. Under these circumstances Roberts’s attempt
at an expression of diffident heroism fails; he looks sneaking,
he looks guilty, and his eyes fall under the astonished regard of
his brother-in-law.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘What’s the
matter with him? What’s he been doing?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘’Sh,
Edward! What’s he been doing? What does he look
as if he had been doing?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>:
‘Agnes—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘He looks as if he
had been signing the pledge. And he—smells like
it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘For shame,
Willis! I should think you’d sink through the
floor. Edward, not a word! I <i>am</i> ashamed of
him, if he <i>is</i> my brother.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why, what in the
world’s up, Agnes?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Up?
He’s been <i>robbed</i>!—robbed on the Common, not
five minutes ago! A whole gang of garotters surrounded him
under the Old Elm—or just where it used to be—and
took his watch away! And he ran after them, and knocked the
largest of the gang down, and took it back again. He
wasn’t hurt, but we’re afraid he’s been injured
internally; he may be bleeding internally <i>now</i>—Oh, do
you think he is, Willis? Don’t you think we ought to
send for a physician?—That, and the cologne I gave him to
drink. It’s the brandy I poured on his head makes him
smell so. And he all so exhausted he couldn’t speak,
and I didn’t know what I was doing, either; but he’s
promised—oh yes, he’s promised!—never, never to
do it again.’ She again flings her arms about her
husband, and then turns proudly to her brother.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Do you know what it
means, Aunt Mary?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Not in the
least! But I’ve no doubt that Edward can explain,
after he’s changed his linen—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh yes, do go,
Edward! Not but what I should be proud and happy to have
you appear just as you are before the whole world, if it was only
to put Willis down with his jokes about your absent-mindedness,
and his boasts about those California desperadoes of
his.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Come, come,
Agnes! I <i>must</i> protest against your—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, I know it
doesn’t become me to praise your courage, darling!
But I should like to know what Willis would have done, with all
his California experience, if a garotter had taken his
watch?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I should have let
him keep it, and pay five dollars a quarter himself for getting
it cleaned and spoiled. Anybody but a literary man
would. How many of them were there, Roberts?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I only saw
one.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘But of course
there were more. How could he tell, in the dark and
excitement? And the one he did see was a perfect giant; so
you can imagine what the rest must have been like.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Did you really knock
him down?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Knock him
down? Of course he did.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Agnes,
<i>will</i> you hold your tongue, and let the men
alone?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, whimpering: ‘I
can’t, Aunt Mary. And you couldn’t, if it was
yours.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I pulled him over
backwards.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘There,
Willis!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And grabbed your
watch from him?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I was in quite a
frenzy; I really hardly knew what I was doing—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And he
didn’t call for the police, or anything—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ah, that showed
presence of mind! He knew it wouldn’t have been any
use.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And when he
had got his watch away from them, he just let them go, because
they had families dependent on them.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I should have let
them go in the first place, but you behaved handsomely in the
end, Roberts; there’s no denying that. And when you
came in she gave you cologne to drink, and poured brandy on your
head. It must have revived you. I should think it
would wake the dead.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I was all
excitement, Willis—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘No, I should think
from the fact that you had set the decanter here on the hearth,
and put your cologne into the wood-box, you were perfectly calm,
Agnes.’ He takes them up and hands them to her.
‘Quite as calm as usual.’ The door-bell
rings.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis,
<i>will</i> you let that ridiculous man go away and make himself
presentable before people begin to come?’ The bell
rings violently, peal upon peal.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, my
goodness, what’s that? It’s the
garotters—I know it is; and we shall all be murdered in our
beds!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘What in the
world can it—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why don’t your
girl answer the bell, Agnes? Or I’ll go
myself.’ The bell rings violently again.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘<i>No</i>,
Willis, you sha’n’t! Don’t leave me,
Edward! Aunt Mary!—Oh, if we <i>must</i> die, let us
all die together! Oh, my poor children! Ugh!
What’s that?’ The servant-maid opens the outer
door, and uttering a shriek, rushes in through the drawing-room
<i>portière</i>.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bella the Maid</span>: ‘Oh, my
goodness! Mrs. Roberts, it’s Mr. Bemis!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Which Mr.
Bemis?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘What’s the
matter with him?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Why
doesn’t she show him in?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Has <i>he</i> been
garotting somebody too?’</p>
<h3>SCENE IV: MR. BEMIS, MR. CAMPBELL, MR. AND MRS. ROBERTS</h3>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, appearing through the
<i>portière</i>: ‘I—I beg your pardon, Mrs.
Roberts. I oughtn’t to present myself in this
state—I— But I thought I’d better stop on
my way home and report, so that my son needn’t be alarmed
at my absence when he comes. I—’ He
stops, exhausted, and regards the others with a wild stare, while
they stand taking note of his disordered coat, his torn vest, and
his tumbled hat. ‘I’ve just been
robbed—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Robbed?
Why, <i>Edward</i> has been robbed too.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘—coming through
the Common—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Yes,
<i>Edward</i> was coming through the Common.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘—of my
watch—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, in rapturous
admiration of the coincidence: ‘Oh, and it was
Edward’s <i>watch</i> they took!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘It’s a
parallel case, Agnes. Pour him out a glass of cologne to
drink, and rub his head with brandy. And you might let him
sit down and rest while you’re enjoying the
excitement.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, in hospitable
remorse: ‘Oh, what am I thinking of! Here,
Edward—or no, you’re too weak, you
mustn’t. Willis, <i>you</i> help me to help him to
the sofa.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I think
you’d better help him off with his overcoat and his
arctics.’ To the maid: ‘Here, Bella, if you
haven’t quite taken leave of your wits, undo his
shoes.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘<i>I’ll</i>
help him off with his coat—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Careful!
careful! I may be injured internally.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, if you
only <i>were</i>, Mr. Bemis, perhaps I could persuade Edward that
he was too: I <i>know</i> he is. Edward, don’t exert
yourself! Aunt Mary, will you <i>stop</i> him, or do you
all wish to see me go distracted here before your
eyes?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, examining the overcoat
which Roberts has removed: ‘Well, you won’t have much
trouble buttoning and unbuttoning this coat for the
present.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘They tore it open,
and tore my watch from my vest pocket—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, looking at the vest:
‘I see. Pretty lively work. Were there many of
them?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘There must have been
two at least—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘There were
half a dozen in the gang that attacked Edward.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘One of them pulled me
violently over on my back—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Edward’s
put <i>his</i> arm round his neck and choked him.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>:
‘Agnes!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I <i>know</i>
he did, Aunt Mary.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘And the other tore my
watch out of my pocket.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>:
‘<i>Edward’s</i>—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Agnes,
I’m thoroughly ashamed of you. <i>Will</i> you stop
interrupting?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘And left me lying in
the snow.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And then he
ran after them, and snatched his watch away again in spite of
them all; and he didn’t call for the police, or anything,
because it was their first offence, and he couldn’t bear to
think of their suffering families.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, with a stare of profound
astonishment: ‘Who?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Edward.
Didn’t I <i>say</i> Edward, all the time?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘I thought you meant
me. I didn’t think of pursuing them; but you may be
very sure that if there had been a policeman within call—of
course there wasn’t one within cannon-shot—I should
have handed the scoundrels over without the slightest
remorse.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh!’ He
sinks into a chair with a slight groan.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘What is
it?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘’Sh!
Don’t say anything. But—stay here. I want
to speak with you, Willis.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, with mounting wrath:
‘I should not have hesitated an instant to give the rascal
in charge, no matter who was dependent upon him—no matter
if he were my dearest friend, my own brother.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, under his breath:
‘Gracious powers!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘And while I am very
sorry to disagree with Mr. Roberts, I can’t help feeling
that he made a great mistake in allowing the ruffians to
escape.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>, with severity:
‘I think you are quite right, Mr. Bemis.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Probably it was the
same gang attacked us both. After escaping from Mr. Roberts
they fell upon me.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I
haven’t a doubt of it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, <i>sotto voce</i> to his
brother-in-law: ‘I think I’ll ask you to go with me
to my room, Willis. Don’t alarm Agnes, please.
I—I feel quite faint.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, crestfallen: ‘I
can’t feel that Edward was to blame. Ed—Oh, I
suppose he’s gone off to make himself presentable.
But Willis—Where’s Willis, Aunt Mary?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Probably gone
with him to help him.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, he
<i>saw</i> how unstrung poor Edward was! Mr. Bemis, I think
you’re quite prejudiced. How could Edward help their
escaping? I think it was quite enough for him,
single-handed, to get his watch back.’ A ring at the
door, and then a number of voices in the anteroom. ‘I
do believe they’re all there! I’ll just run out
and prepare your son. He would be dreadfully shocked if he
came right in upon you.’ She runs into the anteroom,
and is heard without: ‘Oh, Dr. Lawton! Oh, Lou
dear! <i>Oh</i>, Mr. Bemis! How can I ever tell
you? Your poor father! No, no, I <i>can’t</i>
tell you! You mustn’t ask me! It’s too
hideous! And you wouldn’t believe me if I
did.’</p>
<p><i>Chorus of anguished voices</i>: ‘What? what?
what?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘They’ve
been robbed! Garotted on the Common! And, <i>oh</i>,
Dr. Lawton, I’m so glad <i>you’ve</i> come!
They’re both injured internally, but I <i>wish</i>
you’d look at Edward first.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Good heavens!
Is that Mrs. Roberts’s idea of preparing my son? And
his poor young wife!’ He addresses his demand to Mrs.
Crashaw, who lifts the hands of impotent despair.</p>
<h2>PART SECOND</h2>
<h3>MR. ROBERTS; MR. CAMPBELL</h3>
<p><span class="smcap">In</span> Mr. Roberts’s
dressing-room, that gentleman is discovered tragically
confronting Mr. Willis Campbell, with a watch uplifted in either
hand.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, gasping:
‘My—my watch!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Yes. How comes
there to be two of it?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t you
understand? When I went out I—didn’t take my
watch—with me. I left it here on my
bureau.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, merciful
heavens! don’t you see? Then I couldn’t have
been robbed!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, but whose
watch did you take from the fellow that didn’t rob you,
then?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘His
own!’ He abandons himself powerlessly upon a
chair. ‘Yes; I left my own watch here, and when that
person brushed against me in the Common, I missed it for the
first time. I supposed he had robbed me, and ran after him,
and—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Robbed
<i>him</i>!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ah, ha, ha,
ha! I, hi, hi, hi! O, ho, ho, ho!’ He
yields to a series of these gusts and paroxysms, bowing up and
down, and stamping to and fro, and finally sits down exhausted,
and wipes the tears from his cheeks. ‘Really, this
thing will kill me. What are you going to do about it,
Roberts?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with profound dejection
and abysmal solemnity: ‘I don’t know, Willis.
Don’t you see that it must have been—that I must have
robbed—Mr. Bemis?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Bemis!’
After a moment for tasting the fact. ‘Why, so it
was! Oh, Lord! oh, Lord! And was poor old Bemis that
burly ruffian? that bloodthirsty gang of giants?
that—that—oh, Lord! oh, Lord!’ He bows
his head upon his chair-back in complete exhaustion, demanding,
feebly, as he gets breath for the successive questions,
‘What are you going to d-o-o-o? What shall you
s-a-a-a-y? How can you expla-a-ain it?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I can do
nothing. I can say nothing. I can never explain
it. I must go to Mr. Bemis and make a clean breast of it;
but think of the absurdity—the ridicule!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, after a thoughtful silence:
‘Oh, it isn’t <i>that</i> you’ve got to think
of. You’ve got to think of the old gentleman’s
sense of injury and outrage. Didn’t you hear what he
said—that he would have handed over his dearest friend, his
own brother, to the police?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But that was in the
supposition that his dearest friend, his own brother, had
intentionally robbed him. You can’t imagine,
Willis—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, I can imagine a
great many things. It’s all well enough for you to
say that the robbery was a mistake; but it was a genuine case of
garotting as far as the assault and taking the watch go.
He’s a very pudgicky old gentleman.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘He is.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And I don’t
see how you’re going to satisfy him that it was all a
joke. Joke? It <i>wasn’t</i> a joke! It
was a real assault and a <i>bona fide</i> robbery, and Bemis can
prove it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But he would never
insist—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, I don’t
know about that. He’s pretty queer, Bemis is.
You can’t say what an old gentleman like that will or
won’t do. If he should choose to carry it into
court—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Court!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘It might be
embarrassing. And anyway, it would have a very strange look
in the papers.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘The papers!
Good gracious!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ten years from now a
man that heard you mentioned would forget all about the
acquittal, and say: “Roberts? Oh yes!
Wasn’t he the one they sent to the House of Correction for
garotting an old friend of his on the Common!” You
see, it wouldn’t do to go and make a clean breast of it to
Bemis.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I see.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘What will you
do?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I must never say
anything to him about it. Just let it go.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And keep his
watch? I don’t see how you could manage that.
What would you do with the watch? You might sell it, of
course—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh no, I
<i>couldn’t</i> do that.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘You might give it
away to some deserving person; but if it got him into
trouble—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘No, no; that
wouldn’t do, either.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And you can’t
have it lying around; Agnes would be sure to find it, sooner or
later.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Besides,
there’s your conscience. Your conscience
wouldn’t <i>let</i> you keep Bemis’s watch away from
him. And if it would, what do you suppose Agnes’s
conscience would do when she came to find it out? Agnes
hasn’t got much of a head—the want of it seems to
grow upon her; but she’s got a conscience as big as the
side of a house.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, I see; I
see.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, coming up and standing over
him, with his hands in his pockets: ‘I tell you what,
Roberts, you’re in a box.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, abjectly: ‘I know
it, Willis; I know it. What do you suggest? You
<i>must</i> know some way out of it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘It isn’t a
simple matter like telling them to start the elevator down when
they couldn’t start her up. I’ve got to think
it over.’ He walks to and fro, Roberts’s eyes
helplessly following his movements. ‘How would it do
to—No, that wouldn’t do, either.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘What
wouldn’t?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Nothing. I was
just thinking—I say, you might—Or, no, you
couldn’t.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Couldn’t
what?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Nothing. But
if you were to—No; up a stump that way too.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Which way?
For mercy’s sake, my dear fellow, don’t seem to get a
clew if you haven’t it. It’s more than I can
bear.’ He rises, and desperately confronts Willis in
his promenade. ‘If you see any hope at
all—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, stopping: ‘Why, if
you were a different sort of fellow, Roberts, the thing would be
perfectly easy.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Very well,
then. What sort of fellow do you want me to be?
I’ll be any sort of fellow you like.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, but you
couldn’t! With that face of yours, and that
confounded conscience of yours behind it, you would give away the
whitest lie that was ever told.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Do you wish me to
lie? Very well, then, I will lie. What is the
lie?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Ah, now you’re
talking like a man! I can soon think up a lie if
you’re game for it. Suppose it wasn’t so very
white—say a delicate blonde!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I shouldn’t
care if it were as black as the ace of spades.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Roberts, I honour
you! It isn’t everybody who could steal an old
gentleman’s watch, and then be so ready to lie out of
it. Well, you <i>have</i> got courage—both
kinds—moral and physical.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Thank you,
Willis. Of course I don’t pretend that I should be
willing to lie under ordinary circumstances; but for the sake of
Agnes and the children—I don’t want any awkwardness
about the matter; it would be the death of me. Well, what
do you wish me to say? Be quick; I don’t believe I
could hold out for a great while. I don’t suppose but
what Mr. Bemis would be reasonable, even if I—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I’m afraid we
couldn’t trust him. The only way is for you to take
the bull by the horns.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘You will not only
have to lie, Roberts, but you will have to wear an air of
innocent candour at the same time.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I—I’m
afraid I couldn’t manage that. What is your
idea?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, just come into
the room with a laugh when we go back, and say, in an offhand
way, “By the way, Agnes, Willis and I made a remarkable
discovery in my dressing-room; we found my watch there on the
bureau. Ha, ha, ha!” Do you think you could do
it?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I—I
don’t know.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Try the laugh
now.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’d rather
not—now.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, try it,
anyway.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Ha, ha,
ha!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Once
more.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Ha, ha,
ha!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Pretty ghastly; but
I guess you can come it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’ll
try. And then what?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And then you say,
“I hadn’t put it on when I went out, and when I got
after that fellow and took it back, I was simply getting somebody
else’s watch!” Then you hold out both watches
to her, and laugh again. Everybody laughs, and crowds round
you to examine the watches, and you make fun and crack jokes at
your own expense all the time, and pretty soon old Bemis says,
“Why, this is <i>my</i> watch, <i>now</i>!” and you
laugh more than ever—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’m afraid I
couldn’t laugh when he said that. I don’t
believe I could laugh. It would make my blood run
cold.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh no, it
wouldn’t. You’d be in the spirit of it by that
time.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Do you think
so? Well?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And then you say,
“Well, this is the most remarkable coincidence I ever heard
of. I didn’t get my own watch from the fellow, but I
got yours, Mr. Bemis;” and then you hand it over to him and
say, “Sorry I had to break the chain in getting it from
him,” and then everybody laughs again, and—and that
ends it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with a profound sigh:
‘Do you think that would end it?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why,
certainly. It’ll put old Bemis in the wrong,
don’t you see? It’ll show that instead of
letting the fellow escape to go and rob <i>him</i>, you attacked
him and took Bemis’s property back from him yourself.
Bemis wouldn’t have a word to say. All you’ve
got to do is to keep up a light, confident manner.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But what if it
shouldn’t put Bemis in the wrong? What if he
shouldn’t say or do anything that we’ve counted upon,
but something altogether different?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, then, you must
trust to inspiration, and adapt yourself to
circumstances.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Wouldn’t it
be rather more of a joke to come out with the facts at
once?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘On you it would; and
a year from now—say next Christmas—you could get the
laugh on Bemis that way. But if you were to risk it now,
there’s no telling how he’d take it. He’s
so indignant he might insist upon leaving the house. But
with this plan of mine—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, in despair: ‘I
couldn’t, Willis. I don’t feel light, and I
don’t feel confident, and I couldn’t act it. If
it were a simple lie—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, lies are never
simple; they require the exercise of all your ingenuity. If
you want something simple, you must stick to the truth, and throw
yourself on Bemis’s mercy.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, walking up and down in
great distress: ‘I can’t do it; I can’t do
it. It’s very kind of you to think it all out for me,
but’—struck by a sudden idea—‘Willis, why
shouldn’t <i>you</i> do it?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘I?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘You are good at
those things. You have so much <i>aplomb</i>, you
know. <i>You</i> could carry it off, you know,
first-rate.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, as if finding a certain
fascination in the idea: ‘Well, I don’t
know—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘And I could chime
in on the laugh. I think I could do that if somebody else
was doing the rest.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, after a moment of silent
reflection: ‘I <i>should</i> like to do it. I should
like to see how old Bemis would look when I played it on
him. Roberts, I <i>will</i> do it. Not a word!
I should <i>like</i> to do it. Now you go on and hurry up
your toilet, old fellow; you needn’t mind me here.
I’ll be rehearsing.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, knocking at the door,
outside: ‘Edward, are you <i>never</i> coming?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Yes, yes;
I’ll be there in a minute, my dear.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Yes, he’ll be
there. Run along back, and keep it going till we
come. Roberts, I wouldn’t take a thousand dollars for
this chance.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’m glad you
like it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Like it? Of
course I do. Or no! Hold on! Wait! It
won’t do! No; you must take the leading part, and
I’ll support you, and I’ll come in strong if you
break down. That’s the way we have got to work
it. You must make the start.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘Couldn’t you
make it better, Willis? It’s your idea.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘No; they’d be
sure to suspect me, and they can’t suspect you of
anything—you’re so innocent. The illusion will
be complete.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, very doubtfully: ‘Do
you think so?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Yes. Hurry
up. Let me unbutton that collar for you.’</p>
<h2>PART THIRD</h2>
<h3>I<br />
MRS. ROBERTS, DR. LAWTON, MRS. CRASHAW, MR. BEMIS, YOUNG MR. AND
MRS. BEMIS</h3>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, surrounded by her
guests, and confronting from her sofa Mr. Bemis, who still
remains sunken in his armchair, has apparently closed an
exhaustive recital of the events which have ended in his presence
there. She looks round with a mixed air of self-denial and
self-satisfaction to read the admiration of her listeners in
their sympathetic countenances.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Dr. Lawton</span>, with an ironical sigh
of profound impression: ‘Well, Mrs. Roberts, you are
certainly the most lavishly hospitable of hostesses. Every
one knows what delightful dinners you give; but these little
dramatic episodes which you offer your guests, by way of
appetizer, are certainly unique. Last year an elevator
stuck in the shaft with half the company in it, and this year a
highway robbery, its daring punishment and its reckless
repetition—what the newspapers will call “A Triple
Mystery” when it gets to them—and both victims among
our commensals! Really, I don’t know what more we
could ask of you, unless it were the foot-padded footpad himself
as a commensal. If this sort of thing should become <i>de
rigueur</i> in society generally, I don’t know what’s
to become of people who haven’t your invention.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, it’s
all very well to make fun now, Dr. Lawton; but if you had been
here when they first came in—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Young Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘Yes,
indeed, I think so too, Mrs. Roberts. If Mr.
Bemis—Alfred, I mean—and papa hadn’t been with
me when you came out there to prepare us, I don’t know what
I should have done. I should certainly have died, or gone
through the floor.’ She looks fondly up into the face
of her husband for approval, where he stands behind her chair,
and furtively gives him her hand for pressure.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Young Mr. Bemis</span>: ‘Somebody
ought to write to the Curwens—Mrs. Curwen, that
is—about it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, taking away her hand:
‘Oh yes, papa, <i>do</i> write!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘I will, my
dear. Even Mrs. Curwen, dazzling away in another
sphere—hemisphere—and surrounded by cardinals and all
the other celestial lights there at Rome, will be proud to
exploit this new evidence of American enterprise. I can
fancy the effect she will produce with it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘And the
Millers—what a shame they couldn’t come! How
excited they would have been!—that is, Mrs. Miller.
Is their baby very bad, Doctor?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Well, vaccination is
always a very serious thing—with a first child. I
should say, from the way Mrs. Miller feels about it, that Miller
wouldn’t be able to be out for a week to come
yet.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, how
ridiculous you are, Doctor!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, rising feebly from his
chair: ‘Well, now that it’s all explained, Mrs.
Roberts, I think I’d better go home; and if you’ll
kindly have them telephone for a carriage—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘<i>No</i>,
indeed, Mr. Bemis! We shall not let you go. Why, the
<i>idea</i>! You must stay and take dinner with us, just
the same.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘But in this
state—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Oh, never mind
the <i>state</i>. You look perfectly well; and if you
insist upon going, I shall know that you bear a grudge against
Edward for not arresting him. Wait! We can put you in
perfect order in just a second.’ She flies out of the
room, and then comes swooping back with a needle and thread, a
fresh white necktie, a handkerchief, and a hair-brush.
‘There! I can’t let you go to Edward’s
dressing-room, because he’s there himself, and the children
are in mine, and we’ve had to put the new maid in the
guest-chamber—you <i>are</i> rather cramped in flats,
that’s true; that’s the worst of them—but if
you don’t mind having your toilet made in public, like the
King of France—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, entering into the spirit of
it: ‘Not the least; but—’ He laughs, and
drops back into his chair.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, distributing the
brush to young Mr. Bemis, and the tie to his wife, and dropping
upon her knees before Mr. Bemis: ‘Now, Mrs. Lou, you just
whip off that crumpled tie and whip on the fresh one, and,
<i>Mister</i> Lou, you give his hair a touch, and I’ll have
this torn button-hole mended before you can think.’
She seizes it and begins to sew vigorously upon it.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Agnes, you are
the most ridiculously sensible woman in the country.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, standing before the group,
with his arms folded and his feet well apart, in an attitude of
easy admiration: ‘The Wounded Adonis, attended by the Loves
and Graces. Familiar Pompeiian fresco.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, looking around at
him: ‘I don’t see a great many Loves.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘She ignores us, Mrs.
Crashaw. And after what you’ve just said!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Then why
don’t you do something?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘The Loves
<i>never</i> do anything—in frescoes. They stand
round and sympathise. Besides, we are waiting to administer
an anæsthetic. But what I admire in this subject even
more than the activity of the Graces is the serene dignity of the
Adonis. I have seen my old friend in many trying positions,
but I never realised till now all the simpering absurdity, the
flattered silliness, the senile coquettishness, of which his
benign countenance was capable.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Don’t
mind him a bit, Mr. Bemis; it’s nothing
but—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Pure envy. I
own it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘All right,
Lawton. Wait till—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, making a final
stitch, snapping off the thread, and springing to her feet, all
in one: ‘There, have you finished, Mr. and Mrs. Lou?
Well, then, take this lace handkerchief, and draw it down from
his neck and pin it in his waistcoat, and you
have—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, as Mr. Bemis rises to his
feet: ‘A Gentleman of the Old School. Bemis, you look
like a miniature of yourself by Malbone. Rather flattered,
but—recognisable.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, with perfectly recovered
gaiety: ‘Go on, go on, Lawton. I can understand your
envy. I can pity it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Could you forgive
Roberts for not capturing the garotter?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Yes, I could. I
could give the garotter his liberty, and present him with an
admission to the Provident Woodyard, where he could earn an
honest living for his family.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, compassionately: ‘You
<i>are</i> pretty far gone, Bemis. Really, I think somebody
ought to go for Roberts.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, innocently:
‘Yes, indeed! Why, what in the world can be keeping
him?’ A nursemaid enters and beckons Mrs. Roberts to
the door with a glance. She runs to her; they whisper; and
then Mrs. Roberts, over her shoulder: ‘That ridiculous
great boy of mine says he can’t go to sleep unless I come
and kiss him good-night.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Which ridiculous
great boy, I wonder?—Roberts, or Campbell? But I
didn’t know they had gone to bed!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘You are too bad,
papa! You know it’s little Neddy.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, vanishing: ‘Oh,
I don’t mind his nonsense, Lou. I’ll fetch them
both back with me.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, after making a melodramatic
search for concealed listeners at the doors: ‘Now, friends,
I have a revelation to make in Mrs. Roberts’s
absence. I have found out the garotter—the
assassin.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">All the others</span>:
‘What!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘He has been
secured—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>, severely:
‘Well, I’m very glad of it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘By the
police?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, incredulously:
‘Papa!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘But there were
several of them. Have they all been arrested?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘There was only one,
and none of him has been arrested.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Where is he,
then?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘In this
house.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Now, Dr.
Lawton, you and I are old friends—I shouldn’t like to
say <i>how</i> old—but if you don’t instantly be
serious, I—I’ll carry my rheumatism to somebody
else.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘My <i>dear</i> Mrs.
Crashaw, you know how much I prize that rheumatism of
yours! I will be serious—I will be only too
serious. The garotter is Mr. Roberts himself.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">All</span>, horror-struck:
‘Oh!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘He went out without
his watch. He thought he was robbed, but he
wasn’t. He ran after the supposed thief, our poor
friend Bemis here, and took Bemis’s watch away, and brought
it home for his own.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘Yes,
but—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘But,
papa—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘How do you know
it? I can see how such a thing might happen, but—how
do you know it <i>did</i>?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘I divined
it.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>:
‘Nonsense!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Very well, then, I
read of just such a ease in the <i>Advertiser</i> a year
ago. It occurs annually—in the newspapers. And
I’ll tell you what, Mrs. Crashaw—Roberts found out
his mistake as soon as he went to his dressing-room; and that
ingenious nephew of yours, who’s closeted with him there,
has been trying to put him up to something—to some
game.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis has too
much sense. He would know that Edward couldn’t carry
out any sort of game.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Well, then,
he’s getting Roberts to let <i>him</i> carry out the
game.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Edward
couldn’t do that either.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Very well, then,
just wait till they come back. Will you leave me to deal
with Campbell?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘What are you
going to do?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘You
mustn’t forget that he got us out of the elevator,
sir.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘We might have
been there yet if it hadn’t been for him, papa.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I
shouldn’t want Willis mortified.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Nor Mr. Roberts
annoyed. We’re fellow-sufferers in this
business.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Oh, leave it to me,
leave it to me! I’ll spare their feelings.
Don’t be afraid. Ah, there they come! Now
don’t say anything. I’ll just step into the
anteroom here.’</p>
<h3>II<br />
MR. ROBERTS, MR. CAMPBELL, AND THE OTHERS</h3>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, entering the room before
Campbell, and shaking hands with his guests: ‘Ah, Mr.
Bemis; Mrs. Bemis; Aunt Mary! You’ve heard of our
comical little coincidence—our—Mr. Bemis and
my—’ He halts, confused, and looks around for
the moral support of Willis, who follows hilariously.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Greatest joke on
record! But I won’t spoil it for you, Roberts.
Go on!’ In a low voice to Roberts: ‘And
don’t look so confoundedly down in the mouth. They
won’t think it’s a joke at all.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with galvanic lightness:
‘Yes, yes—such a joke! Well, you see—you
see—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘See
<i>what</i>, Edward? <i>Do</i> get it out!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, jollily: ‘Ah, ha,
ha!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, lugubriously: ‘Ah,
ha, ha!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘How funny!
Ha, ha, ha!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Young Mr. Bemis</span>: ‘Capital!
capital!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Excellent!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Go on, Roberts, do!
or I shall die! Ah, ha, ha!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, in a low voice of
consternation to Willis: ‘Where was I? I can’t
go on unless I know where I was.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, <i>sotto voce</i> to
Roberts: ‘You weren’t anywhere! For
Heaven’s sake, make a start!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, to the others,
convulsively: ‘Ha, ha, ha! I supposed all the time,
you know, that I had been robbed, and—and—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Go on! <i>go</i>
on!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, whispering: ‘I
can’t do it—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, whispering:
‘You’ve <i>got</i> to! You’re the beaver
that clomb the tree. Laugh naturally, now!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, with a staccato groan,
which he tries to make pass for a laugh: ‘And then I ran
after the man—’ He stops, and regards Mr. Bemis with
a ghastly stare.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘What is the
matter with you, Edward? Are you sick?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Sick?
No! Can’t you see that he can’t get over the
joke of the thing? It’s killing him.’ To
Roberts: ‘Brace up, old man! You’re doing it
splendidly.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, hopelessly: ‘And
then the other man—the man that had robbed me—the man
that I had pursued—ugh!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, it is too much
for him. I shall have to tell it myself, I see.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, making a wild effort to
command himself: ‘And so—so—this
man—man—ma—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Oh, good
Lord—’ Dr. Lawton suddenly appears from the
anteroom and confronts him. ‘Oh, the
devil!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, folding his arms, and
fixing his eyes upon him: ‘Which means that you forgot I
was coming.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Doctor, you read a
man’s symptoms at a glance.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Yes; and I can see
that you are in a bad way, Mr. Campbell.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Why don’t you
advertise, Doctor? Patients need only enclose a lock of
their hair, and the colour of their eyes, with one dollar to pay
the cost of materials, which will be sent, with full directions
for treatment, by return mail. Seventh son of a seventh
son.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Ah, don’t try
to jest it away, my poor friend. This is one of those
obscure diseases of the heart—induration of the
pericardium—which, if not taken in time, result in
deceitfulness above all things, and desperate
wickedness.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Look here, Dr.
Lawton, what are you up to?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Look here, Mr.
Campbell, what is your little game?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘<i>I</i> don’t
know what you’re up to.’ He shrugs his
shoulders and walks up the room.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, shrugging his shoulders and
walking up the room abreast of Campbell: ‘<i>I</i>
don’t know what your little game is.’ They
return together, and stop, confronting each other.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘But if you think
I’m going to give myself away—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘If you suppose
I’m going to take you at your own
figure—’ They walk up the room together, and
return as before.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Mrs. Bemis, what is
this unnatural parent of yours after?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, tittering: ‘Oh,
I’m sure <i>I</i> can’t tell.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Aunt Mary, you used
to be a friend of mine. Can’t you give me some sort
of clue?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘I should be
ashamed of you, Willis, if you accepted anybody’s
help.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, sighing: ‘Well, this
is pretty hard on an orphan. Here I come to join a company
of friends at the fireside of a burgled brother-in-law, and I
find myself in a nest of conspirators.’ Suddenly,
after a moment: ‘Oh, I understand. Why, I ought to
have seen at once. But no matter—it’s just as
well. I’m sure that we shall hear Dr. Lawton
leniently, and make allowance for his well-known foible.
Roberts is bound by the laws of hospitality, and Mr. Bemis is the
father-in-law of his daughter.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>, in serious dismay:
‘Why, Mr. Campbell, what do you mean?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Simply that the
mystery is solved—the double garotter is discovered.
I’m sorry for you, Mrs. Bemis; and no one will wish to deal
harshly with your father when he confesses that it was he who
robbed Mr. Roberts and Mr. Bemis. All that they ask is to
have their watches back. Go on, Doctor! How will that
do, Aunt Mary, for a little flyer?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘Willis, I
declare I never saw anybody like you!’ She embraces
him with joyous pride.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, coming forward anxiously:
‘But, my dear Willis—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, clapping his hand over his
mouth, and leading him back to his place: ‘We can’t
let you talk now. I’ve no doubt you’ll be
considerate, and all that, but Dr. Lawton has the floor. Go
on, Doctor! Free your mind! Don’t be afraid of
telling the whole truth! It will be better for you in the
end.’ He rubs his hands gleefully, and then thrusting
the points of them into his waistcoat pockets, stands beaming
triumphantly upon Lawton.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Do you think
so?’ With well-affected trepidation ‘Well,
friends, if I must confess this—this—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘High-handed
outrage. Go on.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘I suppose I
must. I shall not expect mercy for myself; perhaps
you’ll say that, as an old and hardened offender, I
don’t deserve it. But I had an accomplice—a
young man very respectably connected, and who, whatever his
previous life may have been, had managed to keep a good
reputation; a young man a little apt to be misled by overweening
vanity and the ill-advised flattery of his friends; but I hope
that neither of you gentlemen will be hard upon him, but will
consider his youth, and perhaps his congenital moral and
intellectual deficiencies, even when you find your
watches—on Mr. Campbell’s person.’ He
leans forward, rubbing his hands, and smiling upon Campbell,
‘How will that do, Mr. Campbell, for a flyer?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>, turning to Mrs. Crashaw:
‘One ahead, Aunt Mary?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>, clasping him by the hand:
‘No, generous youth—even!’ They shake
hands, clapping each other on the back with their lefts, and
joining in the general laugh.</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>, coming forward jovially:
‘Well, now, I gladly forgive you both—or whoever
<i>did</i> rob me—if you’ll only give me back my
watch.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘<i>I</i>
haven’t got your watch.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Nor I.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>, rather faintly, and coming
reluctantly forward: ‘I—I have it, Mr.
Bemis.’ He produces it from one waistcoat pocket and
hands it to Bemis. Then, visiting the other: ‘And
what’s worse, I have my own. I don’t know how I
can ever explain it, or atone to you for my extraordinary
behaviour. Willis thought you might finally see it as a
joke, and I’ve done my best to pass it off
lightly—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘And you
succeeded. You had all the lightness of a sick
hippopotamus.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘I’m afraid
so. I’ll have the chain mended, of course. But
when I went out this evening I left my watch on my
dressing-table, and when you struck against me in the Common I
missed it, and supposed I had been robbed, and I ran after you
and took yours—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Being a man of the
most violent temper and the most desperate
courage—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Roberts</span>: ‘But I hope, my dear
sir, that I didn’t hurt you seriously?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘Not at all—not
the least.’ Shaking him cordially by both hands:
‘I’m all right. Mrs. Roberts has healed all my
wounds with her skilful needle; I’ve got on one of your
best neckties, and this lace handkerchief of your wife’s,
which I’m going to keep for a souvenir of the most
extraordinary adventure of my life—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Lawton</span>: ‘Oh, it’s an
old newspaper story, Bemis, I tell you.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, Aunt Mary, I
wish Agnes were here now to see Roberts in his character of
<i>moral</i> hero. He ‘done’ it with his little
hatchet, but he waited to make sure that Bushrod was all right
before he owned up.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, appearing:
‘Who, Willis?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘A very great and
good man—George Washington.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I thought you
meant Edward.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Willis</span>: ‘Well, I don’t
suppose there <i>is</i> much difference.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Crashaw</span>: ‘The robber has
been caught, Agnes.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘Caught?
Nonsense! You don’t mean it! How can you trifle
with such a subject? I know you are joking! Who is
it?’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Young Bemis</span>: ‘You never could
guess—’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bemis</span>: ‘Never in the
world!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>: ‘I don’t
wish to. But oh, Mr. Bemis, I’ve just come from my
own children, and you must be merciful to his family!’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bemis</span>: ‘For your sake, dear
lady, I will.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Bella</span>, between the
<i>portières</i>: ‘Dinner is ready, Mrs.
Roberts.’</p>
<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Roberts</span>, passing her hand
through Mr. Bemis’s arm: ‘Oh, then you must go in
with me, and tell me all about it.’</p>
<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GAROTTERS***</p>
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