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+The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+
+Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain (Samuel
+Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost
+no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use
+it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
+eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Stolen White Elephant
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: August 19, 2006 [EBook #3181]
+Last Updated: February 24, 2018
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT ***
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+
+
+
+     [Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some
+     of the particulars had been exaggerated, and that others
+     were not true.  Before these suspicions had been proven
+     groundless, the book had gone to press. --M.  T.]
+
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway
+acquaintance. He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his
+thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted
+the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his
+lips. He said:
+
+You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by
+the people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings
+may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to
+kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five
+years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between
+Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in
+the wrong. Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British
+representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be
+forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token
+of gratitude, but partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining
+vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished
+to send the Queen a present--the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy,
+according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a royal
+one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so meet
+as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service was
+such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the
+present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and
+the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived
+in New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in
+Jersey City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit the
+animal's health before resuming the voyage.
+
+All went well during a fortnight--then my calamities began. The white
+elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed
+of this fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with
+terror and anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected
+my faculties. I soon saw my course--for, indeed, there was but the one
+course for an intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to
+New York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the
+detective force. Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the
+force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving
+for his home. He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when
+he was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his
+forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with
+the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common
+order. The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful.
+I stated my errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more
+visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him
+somebody had stolen my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly:
+
+“Allow me to think a moment, please.”
+
+So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon
+his hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the
+scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six
+or seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought.
+Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his
+face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was
+made. Said he--and his voice was low and impressive:
+
+“This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step
+must be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be
+observed--secrecy profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the
+matter, not even the reporters. I will take care of them; I will see
+that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know.” He
+touched a bell; a youth appeared. “Alaric, tell the reporters to remain
+for the present.” The boy retired. “Now let us proceed to business--and
+systematically. Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine
+without strict and minute method.”
+
+He took a pen and some paper. “Now--name of the elephant?”
+
+“Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moisé Alhammal
+Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor.”
+
+“Very well. Given name?”
+
+“Jumbo.”
+
+“Very well. Place of birth?”
+
+“The capital city of Siam.”
+
+“Parents living?”
+
+“No--dead.”
+
+“Had they any other issue besides this one?”
+
+“None. He was an only child.”
+
+“Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now
+please describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however
+insignificant--that is, insignificant from your point of view. To men
+in my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not
+exist.”
+
+I described, he wrote. When I was done, he said:
+
+“Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me.”
+
+He read as follows:
+
+“Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead to insertion of tail, 26
+feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length,
+including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 1/2 feet; ears
+keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when
+one up-ends a barrel in the snow; color of the elephant, a dull white;
+has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry
+and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon
+spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he
+is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his
+right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a
+former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen
+persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary
+carpet.”
+
+There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the
+description to Alaric, and said:
+
+“Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to
+every detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent.” Alaric
+retired. “There--so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the
+property.”
+
+I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said:
+
+“It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up
+and tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to
+mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position.” He
+touched his bell.
+
+“Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first
+thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars.”
+
+Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said:
+
+“It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the
+amount?”
+
+“What sum would you suggest?”
+
+“To begin with, I should say--well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It
+is an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of
+escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and
+pals everywhere--”
+
+“Bless me, do you know who they are?”
+
+The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within,
+gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered:
+
+“Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a
+pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and
+the size of the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket
+or a hall thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not
+'lifted' by a novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of
+travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the
+thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five
+thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to
+start with that.”
+
+So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom
+nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a
+clue, said:
+
+“There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been
+detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this
+elephant eat, and how much?”
+
+“Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything. He will eat a man, he
+will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible.”
+
+“Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary--details
+are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well--as to men. At one
+meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if
+fresh?”
+
+“He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he
+would eat five ordinary men.”
+
+“Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he
+prefer?”
+
+“He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is
+not prejudiced against strangers.”
+
+“Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?”
+
+“He would eat an entire edition.”
+
+“It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the
+family illustrated?”
+
+“I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he
+would not value illustrations above simple letterpress.”
+
+“No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible
+weighs about two pounds and a half, while the great quarto with the
+illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at
+a meal?”
+
+“If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they
+had.”
+
+“Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. The
+Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled.”
+
+“He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of
+five hundred copies.”
+
+“Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men
+and Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want particulars.”
+
+“He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat
+bottles, he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing
+to eat cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to
+eat ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie,
+he will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran;
+he will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will
+leave oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing
+whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that
+if he could taste it.”
+
+“Very good. General quantity at a meal--say about--”
+
+“Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton.”
+
+“And he drinks--”
+
+“Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil,
+camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever
+fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is fluid,
+except European coffee.”
+
+“Very good. As to quantity?”
+
+“Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other
+appetites do not.”
+
+“These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward
+tracing him.”
+
+He touched the bell.
+
+“Alaric; summon Captain Burns.”
+
+Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail
+by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose
+plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command:
+
+“Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and
+Hackett to shadow the elephant.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and
+Bartholomew to shadow the thieves.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of
+thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep
+strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except
+reporters--without written authority from me.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry
+depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to
+search all suspicious persons.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description
+of the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing
+ferryboats and other vessels.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information
+forwarded to me by telegraph.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found--footprints of
+the animal, or anything of that kind.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages
+vigilantly.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as
+far as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen to all messages;
+and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most
+impenetrable secrecy.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Report to me promptly at the usual hour.”
+
+“Yes, Sir.”
+
+“Go!”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+He was gone.
+
+Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in
+his eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a
+placid voice:
+
+“I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the
+elephant.”
+
+I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I FELT my thanks,
+too. The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I
+admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession.
+Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart
+than I had carried with me to his office.
+
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It
+even had additions--consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and
+Detective The Other's “Theory” as to how the robbery was done, who the
+robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were
+eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and
+this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No
+two theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one
+striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were
+absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was
+torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been
+removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet.
+All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the
+detectives. That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman,
+perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what
+I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in
+fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories
+all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers;
+the total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven. The various
+newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of
+all--that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A portion of this statement read as
+follows:
+
+
+     The chief knows who the two principals are, namely, “Brick” Duffy
+     and “Red” McFadden.  Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was
+     already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded
+     to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night
+     in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again
+     the bird was flown--that is, the elephant.
+
+     Duffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the
+     chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the
+     stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last
+     winter--in consequence of which the chief and every detective
+     present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some
+     with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other
+     members.
+
+When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at
+the wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything
+in the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden
+from him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he
+had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but
+his reply was simple and unanswerable:
+
+“It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot
+punish it until it is committed.”
+
+I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by
+the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes
+had been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these
+would doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding.
+
+“Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will
+descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of
+fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame, reputation,
+constant public mention--these are the detective's bread and butter. He
+must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have none; he
+must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking as a
+detective's theory, or brings him so much wondering respect; we must
+publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we
+could not deny them without offending. We must constantly show the
+public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing. It
+is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's ingenious
+and extraordinary theory is as follows,' than to have it say some harsh
+thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one.”
+
+“I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your
+remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion
+upon a certain minor point.”
+
+“Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed
+any opinion on that point, anyway.”
+
+I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet
+current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the
+telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the
+newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our
+twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to
+detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would
+catch the elephant. The inspector said:
+
+“It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will
+go to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would
+only be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and
+indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to
+the reward, after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the
+men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort
+of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble
+upon a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits
+and labors.”
+
+This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in
+the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result:
+
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M.
+     Have got a clue.  Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm
+     near here.  Followed them two miles east without result; think
+     elephant went west.  Shall now shadow him in that direction.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+“Darley's one of the best men on the force,” said the inspector. “We
+shall hear from him again before long.”
+
+Telegram No. 2 came:
+
+
+                         BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  Glass factory broken open here during night, and
+     eight hundred bottles taken.  Only water in large quantity near here
+     is five miles distant.  Shall strike for there.  Elephant will be
+     thirsty.  Bottles were empty.
+                         BAKER, Detective.
+
+“That promises well, too,” said the inspector.
+
+“I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues.”
+
+Telegram No. 3:
+
+
+                         TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M.
+     A haystack near here disappeared during night.  Probably eaten.
+     Have got a clue, and am off.
+                         HUBBARD, Detective.
+
+“How he does move around!” said the inspector “I knew we had a difficult
+job on hand, but we shall catch him yet.”
+
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M.
+     Shadowed the tracks three miles westward.  Large, deep, and ragged.
+     Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks.  Says
+     they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground
+     was frozen last winter.  Give me orders how to proceed.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+“Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm,” said the
+inspector.
+
+He dictated the following telegram to Darley:
+
+
+     Arrest the man and force him to name his pals.  Continue to follow
+     the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+Next telegram:
+
+
+                         CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M.
+     Gas office broken open here during night and three months' unpaid gas
+     bills taken.  Have got a clue and am away.
+                         MURPHY, Detective.
+
+“Heavens!” said the inspector; “would he eat gas bills?”
+
+“Through ignorance--yes; but they cannot support life. At least,
+unassisted.”
+
+Now came this exciting telegram:
+
+
+                         IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  This village in consternation.  Elephant passed
+     through here at five this morning.  Some say he went east some say
+     west, some north, some south--but all say they did not wait to
+     notice, particularly.  He killed a horse; have secured a piece of it
+     for a clue.  Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he
+     struck it left-handed.  From position in which horse lies, think
+     elephant traveled northward along line of Berkley Railway.  Has four
+     and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once.
+                         HAWES, Detective
+
+I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a
+graven image. He calmly touched his bell.
+
+“Alaric, send Captain Burns here.”
+
+Burns appeared.
+
+“How many men are ready for instant orders?”
+
+“Ninety-six, sir.”
+
+“Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the
+Berkley road north of Ironville.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as
+others are at liberty, hold them for orders.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Go!”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+Presently came another telegram:
+
+
+                         SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through here at 8.15.  All escaped
+     from the town but a policeman.  Apparently elephant did not strike
+     at policeman, but at the lamp-post.  Got both.  I have secured a
+     portion of the policeman as clue.
+                         STUMM, Detective.
+
+“So the elephant has turned westward,” said the inspector. “However, he
+will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region.”
+
+The next telegram said:
+
+
+                         GLOVER'S, 11.15
+Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed
+through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting
+was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with
+water from cistern. Some swallowed it--since dead; several drowned.
+Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but
+going south--so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in
+terror--people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet
+elephant, and many are killed. BRANT, Detective.
+
+I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector
+only said:
+
+“You see--we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has turned
+eastward again.”
+
+Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought
+this:
+
+
+                         HOGANSPORT, 12.19.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating
+     wildest fright and excitement.  Elephant raged around streets; two
+     plumbers going by, killed one--other escaped.  Regret general.
+                         O'FLAHERTY, Detective.
+
+“Now he is right in the midst of my men,” said the inspector. “Nothing
+can save him.”
+
+A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered
+through New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues
+consisting of ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries,
+with high hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector
+said:
+
+“I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that
+is impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his
+report; then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand
+on him.”
+
+Now came this despatch:
+
+
+                         BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15.
+     Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using
+     elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives
+     find him.  Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate
+     answer.
+                         BOGGS, Detective.
+
+“That is perfectly absurd!” I exclaimed.
+
+“Of course it is,” said the inspector. “Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks
+he is so sharp, does not know me--but I know him.”
+
+Then he dictated this answer to the despatch:
+
+
+     Mr. Barnum's offer declined.  Make it $7,000 or nothing.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+“There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is
+not at home; he is in the telegraph office--it is his way when he has
+business on hand. Inside of three--”
+
+
+     Done.--P. T. BARNUM.
+
+So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could
+make a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch
+carried my thoughts into another and very distressing channel:
+
+
+                         BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50.
+     Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the
+     forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing
+     the mourners by two.  Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into
+     him, and then fled.  Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes
+     later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints,
+     and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right
+     trail and followed it to the woods.  We then got down on our hands
+     and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so
+     shadowed it into the brush.  Burke was in advance.  Unfortunately
+     the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head
+     down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind
+     legs before he was aware of his vicinity.  Burke instantly arose to
+     his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, “I claim the
+     re--” but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid
+     the brave fellow's fragments low in death.  I fled rearward, and the
+     elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making
+     tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that
+     the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and
+     diverted his attention.  I have just learned that nothing of that
+     funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of
+     material for another.  Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again.
+                         MULROONEY, Detective.
+
+We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives
+scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia--who
+were all following fresh and encouraging clues--until shortly after 2
+P.M., when this telegram came:
+
+
+                         BAXTER CENTER, 2.15.
+     Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, and he broke
+     up a revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of
+     entering upon a better life.  Citizens penned him up and established
+     a guard.  When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we
+     entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph
+     and description.  All marks tallied exactly except one, which we
+     could not see--the boil-scar under armpit.  To make sure, Brown
+     crept under to look, and was immediately brained--that is, head
+     crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris.  All fled
+     so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect.  Has
+     escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds.  Rediscovery
+     certain.  He broke southward, through a dense forest.
+                         BRENT, Detective.
+
+That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so
+dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This
+lasted all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop
+running.
+
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before;
+they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more
+which they had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column
+after column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring
+head-lines, which it made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was
+like this:
+
+
+     THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE!  HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH! WHOLE
+     VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS!  PALE TERROR
+     GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER!  AFTER THESE,
+     THE DETECTIVES!  BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS
+     DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF
+     CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE!  THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST
+     DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCE!  THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT!
+
+“There!” said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, “this
+is magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective
+organization ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the
+earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it.”
+
+But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red
+crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how
+the list had grown! In one place he had “interfered with an election and
+killed five repeaters.” He had followed this act with the destruction
+of two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, who had “found a
+refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before,
+and were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right
+of American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless
+hand of the Scourge of Siam.” In another, he had “found a crazy
+sensation-preacher preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the
+dance, the theater, and other things which can't strike back, and
+had stepped on him.” And in still another place he had “killed a
+lightning-rod agent.” And so the list went on, growing redder and
+redder, and more and more heartbreaking. Sixty persons had been killed,
+and two hundred and forty wounded. All the accounts bore just testimony
+to the activity and devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the
+remark that “three hundred thousand citizens and four detectives saw the
+dread creature, and two of the latter he destroyed.”
+
+I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again. By
+and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed in
+their nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant
+was lost. The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place
+unobserved. Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported
+that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and
+such an hour, and was “undoubtedly the elephant.” This dim vast mass had
+been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior
+New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But
+in all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace.
+Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of
+country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a
+clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it.
+
+But the day passed without other result.
+
+The next day the same.
+
+The next just the same.
+
+The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted
+to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly
+exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle.
+
+By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward.
+
+Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor,
+hard-working detectives--the journalists declined to print their
+theories, and coldly said, “Give us a rest.”
+
+Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to
+seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice. It was a great
+sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune
+than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in
+adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most
+stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they
+dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in
+the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives
+scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their
+backs, stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of
+ridiculous pictures of the detective badge--you have seen that badge
+printed in gold on the back of detective novels no doubt, it is a
+wide-staring eye, with the legend, “WE NEVER SLEEP.” When detectives
+called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an
+obsolete form of expression and said, “Will you have an eye-opener?” All
+the air was thick with sarcasms.
+
+But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it
+all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never
+drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said:
+
+“Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last.”
+
+My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his
+side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now
+became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to
+do so also--at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and
+stayed--the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody
+wondered how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but
+at such times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face,
+and held my ground.
+
+About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say,
+one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the
+great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and
+masterly move.
+
+This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man's
+invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide
+intercourse with the world's finest minds. He said he was confident
+he could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the
+elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what
+would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He
+said:
+
+“In compromises they always get half.”
+
+This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in
+this form:
+
+
+     DEAR MADAM,--Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be
+     entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment
+     with me.                           Chief BLUNT.
+
+He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the “reputed wife”
+ of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden.
+
+Within the hour these offensive answers came:
+
+
+     YE OWLD FOOL: brick McDuffys bin ded 2 yere.
+                                        BRIDGET MAHONEY.
+
+     CHIEF BAT,--Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month.  Any Ass
+     but a detective know that.
+                                        MARY O'HOOLIGAN.
+
+“I had long suspected these facts,” said the inspector; “this testimony
+proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct.”
+
+The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He
+immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a
+copy of it:
+
+
+     A.--xwblv.242 N. Tjnd--fz328wmlg. Ozpo,--; 2m! ogw. Mum
+
+He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual
+rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a
+place where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were
+conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night.
+
+We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the
+office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege.
+
+At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in
+bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward
+he took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye.
+An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome
+tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes
+flamed with triumph! He said:
+
+“We've compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow!
+Follow me!”
+
+He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement
+where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing
+cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly
+down to the dim remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to the
+pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over the
+outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he went
+down:
+
+“Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!”
+
+I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The
+whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant
+rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were
+called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the
+handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic.
+Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so
+complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that
+it made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my
+priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to
+me through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a
+great trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the
+chief, and many a detective's voice murmured, “Look at him--just the
+king of the profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and
+there ain't anything hid that he can't find.” The dividing of the fifty
+thousand dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief
+made a little speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he
+said, “Enjoy it, boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've
+earned for the detective profession undying fame.”
+
+A telegram arrived, which read:
+
+
+                         MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M.
+First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have
+followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand
+miles to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day.
+Don't worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant. This is dead
+sure. DARLEY, Detective.
+
+The chief ordered three cheers for “Darley, one of the finest minds on
+the force,” and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and
+receive his share of the reward.
+
+So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers
+were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one
+contemptible exception. This sheet said, “Great is the detective! He may
+be a little slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he
+may hunt him all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for
+three weeks, but he will find him at last if he can get the man who
+mislaid him to show him the place!”
+
+Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him
+fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there,
+surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had
+wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace.
+
+The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective
+expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a
+place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer in the
+earth, but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest
+detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and
+will so remain unto the end.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Stolen White Elephant by Mark
+Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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