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+The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+
+Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain (Samuel
+Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost
+no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use
+it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
+eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Stolen White Elephant
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: August 19, 2006 [EBook #3181]
+Last Updated: February 24, 2018
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT ***
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+
+THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+
+
+
+     [Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some
+     of the particulars had been exaggerated, and that others
+     were not true.  Before these suspicions had been proven
+     groundless, the book had gone to press. --M.  T.]
+
+
+
+
+
+I.
+
+The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway
+acquaintance. He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his
+thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted
+the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his
+lips. He said:
+
+You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by
+the people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings
+may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to
+kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five
+years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between
+Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in
+the wrong. Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British
+representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be
+forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token
+of gratitude, but partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining
+vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished
+to send the Queen a present--the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy,
+according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a royal
+one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so meet
+as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service was
+such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the
+present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and
+the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived
+in New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in
+Jersey City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit the
+animal's health before resuming the voyage.
+
+All went well during a fortnight--then my calamities began. The white
+elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed
+of this fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with
+terror and anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected
+my faculties. I soon saw my course--for, indeed, there was but the one
+course for an intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to
+New York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the
+detective force. Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the
+force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving
+for his home. He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when
+he was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his
+forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with
+the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common
+order. The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful.
+I stated my errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more
+visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him
+somebody had stolen my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly:
+
+“Allow me to think a moment, please.”
+
+So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon
+his hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the
+scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six
+or seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought.
+Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his
+face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was
+made. Said he--and his voice was low and impressive:
+
+“This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step
+must be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be
+observed--secrecy profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the
+matter, not even the reporters. I will take care of them; I will see
+that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know.” He
+touched a bell; a youth appeared. “Alaric, tell the reporters to remain
+for the present.” The boy retired. “Now let us proceed to business--and
+systematically. Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine
+without strict and minute method.”
+
+He took a pen and some paper. “Now--name of the elephant?”
+
+“Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moisé Alhammal
+Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor.”
+
+“Very well. Given name?”
+
+“Jumbo.”
+
+“Very well. Place of birth?”
+
+“The capital city of Siam.”
+
+“Parents living?”
+
+“No--dead.”
+
+“Had they any other issue besides this one?”
+
+“None. He was an only child.”
+
+“Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now
+please describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however
+insignificant--that is, insignificant from your point of view. To men
+in my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not
+exist.”
+
+I described, he wrote. When I was done, he said:
+
+“Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me.”
+
+He read as follows:
+
+“Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead to insertion of tail, 26
+feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length,
+including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 1/2 feet; ears
+keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when
+one up-ends a barrel in the snow; color of the elephant, a dull white;
+has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry
+and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon
+spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he
+is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his
+right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a
+former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen
+persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary
+carpet.”
+
+There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the
+description to Alaric, and said:
+
+“Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to
+every detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent.” Alaric
+retired. “There--so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the
+property.”
+
+I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said:
+
+“It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up
+and tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to
+mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position.” He
+touched his bell.
+
+“Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first
+thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars.”
+
+Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said:
+
+“It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the
+amount?”
+
+“What sum would you suggest?”
+
+“To begin with, I should say--well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It
+is an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of
+escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and
+pals everywhere--”
+
+“Bless me, do you know who they are?”
+
+The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within,
+gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered:
+
+“Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a
+pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and
+the size of the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket
+or a hall thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not
+'lifted' by a novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of
+travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the
+thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five
+thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to
+start with that.”
+
+So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom
+nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a
+clue, said:
+
+“There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been
+detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this
+elephant eat, and how much?”
+
+“Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything. He will eat a man, he
+will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible.”
+
+“Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary--details
+are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well--as to men. At one
+meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if
+fresh?”
+
+“He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he
+would eat five ordinary men.”
+
+“Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he
+prefer?”
+
+“He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is
+not prejudiced against strangers.”
+
+“Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?”
+
+“He would eat an entire edition.”
+
+“It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the
+family illustrated?”
+
+“I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he
+would not value illustrations above simple letterpress.”
+
+“No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible
+weighs about two pounds and a half, while the great quarto with the
+illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at
+a meal?”
+
+“If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they
+had.”
+
+“Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. The
+Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled.”
+
+“He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of
+five hundred copies.”
+
+“Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men
+and Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want particulars.”
+
+“He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat
+bottles, he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing
+to eat cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to
+eat ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie,
+he will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran;
+he will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will
+leave oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing
+whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that
+if he could taste it.”
+
+“Very good. General quantity at a meal--say about--”
+
+“Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton.”
+
+“And he drinks--”
+
+“Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil,
+camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever
+fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is fluid,
+except European coffee.”
+
+“Very good. As to quantity?”
+
+“Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other
+appetites do not.”
+
+“These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward
+tracing him.”
+
+He touched the bell.
+
+“Alaric; summon Captain Burns.”
+
+Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail
+by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose
+plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command:
+
+“Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and
+Hackett to shadow the elephant.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and
+Bartholomew to shadow the thieves.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of
+thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep
+strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except
+reporters--without written authority from me.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry
+depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to
+search all suspicious persons.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description
+of the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing
+ferryboats and other vessels.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information
+forwarded to me by telegraph.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found--footprints of
+the animal, or anything of that kind.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages
+vigilantly.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as
+far as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen to all messages;
+and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most
+impenetrable secrecy.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Report to me promptly at the usual hour.”
+
+“Yes, Sir.”
+
+“Go!”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+He was gone.
+
+Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in
+his eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a
+placid voice:
+
+“I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the
+elephant.”
+
+I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I FELT my thanks,
+too. The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I
+admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession.
+Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart
+than I had carried with me to his office.
+
+
+
+
+
+II
+
+Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It
+even had additions--consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and
+Detective The Other's “Theory” as to how the robbery was done, who the
+robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were
+eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and
+this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No
+two theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one
+striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were
+absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was
+torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been
+removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet.
+All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the
+detectives. That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman,
+perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what
+I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in
+fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories
+all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers;
+the total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven. The various
+newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of
+all--that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A portion of this statement read as
+follows:
+
+
+     The chief knows who the two principals are, namely, “Brick” Duffy
+     and “Red” McFadden.  Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was
+     already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded
+     to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night
+     in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again
+     the bird was flown--that is, the elephant.
+
+     Duffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the
+     chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the
+     stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last
+     winter--in consequence of which the chief and every detective
+     present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some
+     with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other
+     members.
+
+When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at
+the wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything
+in the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden
+from him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he
+had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but
+his reply was simple and unanswerable:
+
+“It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot
+punish it until it is committed.”
+
+I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by
+the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes
+had been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these
+would doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding.
+
+“Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will
+descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of
+fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame, reputation,
+constant public mention--these are the detective's bread and butter. He
+must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have none; he
+must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking as a
+detective's theory, or brings him so much wondering respect; we must
+publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we
+could not deny them without offending. We must constantly show the
+public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing. It
+is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's ingenious
+and extraordinary theory is as follows,' than to have it say some harsh
+thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one.”
+
+“I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your
+remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion
+upon a certain minor point.”
+
+“Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed
+any opinion on that point, anyway.”
+
+I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet
+current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the
+telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the
+newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our
+twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to
+detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would
+catch the elephant. The inspector said:
+
+“It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will
+go to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would
+only be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and
+indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to
+the reward, after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the
+men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort
+of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble
+upon a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits
+and labors.”
+
+This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in
+the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result:
+
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M.
+     Have got a clue.  Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm
+     near here.  Followed them two miles east without result; think
+     elephant went west.  Shall now shadow him in that direction.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+“Darley's one of the best men on the force,” said the inspector. “We
+shall hear from him again before long.”
+
+Telegram No. 2 came:
+
+
+                         BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  Glass factory broken open here during night, and
+     eight hundred bottles taken.  Only water in large quantity near here
+     is five miles distant.  Shall strike for there.  Elephant will be
+     thirsty.  Bottles were empty.
+                         BAKER, Detective.
+
+“That promises well, too,” said the inspector.
+
+“I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues.”
+
+Telegram No. 3:
+
+
+                         TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M.
+     A haystack near here disappeared during night.  Probably eaten.
+     Have got a clue, and am off.
+                         HUBBARD, Detective.
+
+“How he does move around!” said the inspector “I knew we had a difficult
+job on hand, but we shall catch him yet.”
+
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M.
+     Shadowed the tracks three miles westward.  Large, deep, and ragged.
+     Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks.  Says
+     they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground
+     was frozen last winter.  Give me orders how to proceed.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+“Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm,” said the
+inspector.
+
+He dictated the following telegram to Darley:
+
+
+     Arrest the man and force him to name his pals.  Continue to follow
+     the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+Next telegram:
+
+
+                         CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M.
+     Gas office broken open here during night and three months' unpaid gas
+     bills taken.  Have got a clue and am away.
+                         MURPHY, Detective.
+
+“Heavens!” said the inspector; “would he eat gas bills?”
+
+“Through ignorance--yes; but they cannot support life. At least,
+unassisted.”
+
+Now came this exciting telegram:
+
+
+                         IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  This village in consternation.  Elephant passed
+     through here at five this morning.  Some say he went east some say
+     west, some north, some south--but all say they did not wait to
+     notice, particularly.  He killed a horse; have secured a piece of it
+     for a clue.  Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he
+     struck it left-handed.  From position in which horse lies, think
+     elephant traveled northward along line of Berkley Railway.  Has four
+     and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once.
+                         HAWES, Detective
+
+I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a
+graven image. He calmly touched his bell.
+
+“Alaric, send Captain Burns here.”
+
+Burns appeared.
+
+“How many men are ready for instant orders?”
+
+“Ninety-six, sir.”
+
+“Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the
+Berkley road north of Ironville.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as
+others are at liberty, hold them for orders.”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+“Go!”
+
+“Yes, sir.”
+
+Presently came another telegram:
+
+
+                         SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through here at 8.15.  All escaped
+     from the town but a policeman.  Apparently elephant did not strike
+     at policeman, but at the lamp-post.  Got both.  I have secured a
+     portion of the policeman as clue.
+                         STUMM, Detective.
+
+“So the elephant has turned westward,” said the inspector. “However, he
+will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region.”
+
+The next telegram said:
+
+
+                         GLOVER'S, 11.15
+Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed
+through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting
+was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with
+water from cistern. Some swallowed it--since dead; several drowned.
+Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but
+going south--so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in
+terror--people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet
+elephant, and many are killed. BRANT, Detective.
+
+I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector
+only said:
+
+“You see--we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has turned
+eastward again.”
+
+Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought
+this:
+
+
+                         HOGANSPORT, 12.19.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating
+     wildest fright and excitement.  Elephant raged around streets; two
+     plumbers going by, killed one--other escaped.  Regret general.
+                         O'FLAHERTY, Detective.
+
+“Now he is right in the midst of my men,” said the inspector. “Nothing
+can save him.”
+
+A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered
+through New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues
+consisting of ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries,
+with high hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector
+said:
+
+“I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that
+is impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his
+report; then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand
+on him.”
+
+Now came this despatch:
+
+
+                         BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15.
+     Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using
+     elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives
+     find him.  Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate
+     answer.
+                         BOGGS, Detective.
+
+“That is perfectly absurd!” I exclaimed.
+
+“Of course it is,” said the inspector. “Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks
+he is so sharp, does not know me--but I know him.”
+
+Then he dictated this answer to the despatch:
+
+
+     Mr. Barnum's offer declined.  Make it $7,000 or nothing.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+“There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is
+not at home; he is in the telegraph office--it is his way when he has
+business on hand. Inside of three--”
+
+
+     Done.--P. T. BARNUM.
+
+So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could
+make a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch
+carried my thoughts into another and very distressing channel:
+
+
+                         BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50.
+     Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the
+     forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing
+     the mourners by two.  Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into
+     him, and then fled.  Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes
+     later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints,
+     and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right
+     trail and followed it to the woods.  We then got down on our hands
+     and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so
+     shadowed it into the brush.  Burke was in advance.  Unfortunately
+     the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head
+     down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind
+     legs before he was aware of his vicinity.  Burke instantly arose to
+     his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, “I claim the
+     re--” but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid
+     the brave fellow's fragments low in death.  I fled rearward, and the
+     elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making
+     tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that
+     the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and
+     diverted his attention.  I have just learned that nothing of that
+     funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of
+     material for another.  Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again.
+                         MULROONEY, Detective.
+
+We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives
+scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia--who
+were all following fresh and encouraging clues--until shortly after 2
+P.M., when this telegram came:
+
+
+                         BAXTER CENTER, 2.15.
+     Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, and he broke
+     up a revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of
+     entering upon a better life.  Citizens penned him up and established
+     a guard.  When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we
+     entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph
+     and description.  All marks tallied exactly except one, which we
+     could not see--the boil-scar under armpit.  To make sure, Brown
+     crept under to look, and was immediately brained--that is, head
+     crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris.  All fled
+     so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect.  Has
+     escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds.  Rediscovery
+     certain.  He broke southward, through a dense forest.
+                         BRENT, Detective.
+
+That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so
+dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This
+lasted all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop
+running.
+
+
+
+
+
+III
+
+Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before;
+they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more
+which they had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column
+after column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring
+head-lines, which it made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was
+like this:
+
+
+     THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE!  HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH! WHOLE
+     VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS!  PALE TERROR
+     GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER!  AFTER THESE,
+     THE DETECTIVES!  BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS
+     DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF
+     CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE!  THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST
+     DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCE!  THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT!
+
+“There!” said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, “this
+is magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective
+organization ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the
+earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it.”
+
+But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red
+crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how
+the list had grown! In one place he had “interfered with an election and
+killed five repeaters.” He had followed this act with the destruction
+of two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, who had “found a
+refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before,
+and were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right
+of American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless
+hand of the Scourge of Siam.” In another, he had “found a crazy
+sensation-preacher preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the
+dance, the theater, and other things which can't strike back, and
+had stepped on him.” And in still another place he had “killed a
+lightning-rod agent.” And so the list went on, growing redder and
+redder, and more and more heartbreaking. Sixty persons had been killed,
+and two hundred and forty wounded. All the accounts bore just testimony
+to the activity and devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the
+remark that “three hundred thousand citizens and four detectives saw the
+dread creature, and two of the latter he destroyed.”
+
+I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again. By
+and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed in
+their nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant
+was lost. The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place
+unobserved. Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported
+that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and
+such an hour, and was “undoubtedly the elephant.” This dim vast mass had
+been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior
+New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But
+in all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace.
+Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of
+country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a
+clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it.
+
+But the day passed without other result.
+
+The next day the same.
+
+The next just the same.
+
+The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted
+to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly
+exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle.
+
+By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward.
+
+Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor,
+hard-working detectives--the journalists declined to print their
+theories, and coldly said, “Give us a rest.”
+
+Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to
+seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice. It was a great
+sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune
+than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in
+adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most
+stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they
+dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in
+the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives
+scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their
+backs, stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of
+ridiculous pictures of the detective badge--you have seen that badge
+printed in gold on the back of detective novels no doubt, it is a
+wide-staring eye, with the legend, “WE NEVER SLEEP.” When detectives
+called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an
+obsolete form of expression and said, “Will you have an eye-opener?” All
+the air was thick with sarcasms.
+
+But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it
+all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never
+drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said:
+
+“Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last.”
+
+My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his
+side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now
+became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to
+do so also--at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and
+stayed--the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody
+wondered how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but
+at such times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face,
+and held my ground.
+
+About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say,
+one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the
+great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and
+masterly move.
+
+This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man's
+invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide
+intercourse with the world's finest minds. He said he was confident
+he could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the
+elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what
+would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He
+said:
+
+“In compromises they always get half.”
+
+This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in
+this form:
+
+
+     DEAR MADAM,--Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be
+     entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment
+     with me.                           Chief BLUNT.
+
+He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the “reputed wife”
+ of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden.
+
+Within the hour these offensive answers came:
+
+
+     YE OWLD FOOL: brick McDuffys bin ded 2 yere.
+                                        BRIDGET MAHONEY.
+
+     CHIEF BAT,--Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month.  Any Ass
+     but a detective know that.
+                                        MARY O'HOOLIGAN.
+
+“I had long suspected these facts,” said the inspector; “this testimony
+proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct.”
+
+The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He
+immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a
+copy of it:
+
+
+     A.--xwblv.242 N. Tjnd--fz328wmlg. Ozpo,--; 2m! ogw. Mum
+
+He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual
+rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a
+place where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were
+conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night.
+
+We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the
+office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege.
+
+At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in
+bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward
+he took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye.
+An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome
+tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes
+flamed with triumph! He said:
+
+“We've compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow!
+Follow me!”
+
+He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement
+where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing
+cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly
+down to the dim remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to the
+pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over the
+outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he went
+down:
+
+“Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!”
+
+I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The
+whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant
+rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were
+called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the
+handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic.
+Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so
+complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that
+it made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my
+priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to
+me through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a
+great trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the
+chief, and many a detective's voice murmured, “Look at him--just the
+king of the profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and
+there ain't anything hid that he can't find.” The dividing of the fifty
+thousand dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief
+made a little speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he
+said, “Enjoy it, boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've
+earned for the detective profession undying fame.”
+
+A telegram arrived, which read:
+
+
+                         MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M.
+First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have
+followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand
+miles to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day.
+Don't worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant. This is dead
+sure. DARLEY, Detective.
+
+The chief ordered three cheers for “Darley, one of the finest minds on
+the force,” and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and
+receive his share of the reward.
+
+So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers
+were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one
+contemptible exception. This sheet said, “Great is the detective! He may
+be a little slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he
+may hunt him all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for
+three weeks, but he will find him at last if he can get the man who
+mislaid him to show him the place!”
+
+Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him
+fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there,
+surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had
+wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace.
+
+The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective
+expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a
+place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer in the
+earth, but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest
+detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and
+will so remain unto the end.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Stolen White Elephant by Mark
+Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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+<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
+
+<!DOCTYPE html
+   PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+   "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" >
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en">
+  <head>
+    <title>
+      The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve">
+
+    body { margin:5%; background:#faebd7; text-align:justify}
+    P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+    hr  { width: 50%; text-align: center;}
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+    blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+    .toc       { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 20%;}
+    div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; }
+    .figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;}
+    pre     { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;}
+
+</style>
+  </head>
+  <body>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Stolen White Elephant
+
+Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
+Release Date: August 19, 2006 [EBook #3181]
+Last Updated: February 24, 2018
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT ***
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+    <h1>
+      THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT
+    </h1>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br />
+    </p>
+    <h2>
+      by Mark Twain
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     [Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some
+     of the particulars had been exaggerated, and that others
+     were not true.  Before these suspicions had been proven
+     groundless, the book had gone to press. &mdash;M.  T.]
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I. </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a>
+    </p>
+    <p class="toc">
+      <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> III </a>
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br />
+    </p>
+    <hr />
+    <p>
+      <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      I.
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway
+      acquaintance. He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his
+      thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted
+      the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his
+      lips. He said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by the
+      people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings may
+      possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to kings,
+      since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five years ago,
+      when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between Great Britain
+      and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in the wrong.
+      Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British
+      representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be
+      forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token
+      of gratitude, but partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining
+      vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished
+      to send the Queen a present&mdash;the sole sure way of propitiating an
+      enemy, according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a
+      royal one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so
+      meet as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service
+      was such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the
+      present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and
+      the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived in
+      New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in Jersey
+      City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit the animal's
+      health before resuming the voyage.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      All went well during a fortnight&mdash;then my calamities began. The white
+      elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed of this
+      fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with terror and
+      anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected my faculties. I
+      soon saw my course&mdash;for, indeed, there was but the one course for an
+      intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to New York and got a
+      policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the detective force.
+      Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the force, the
+      celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving for his home.
+      He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when he was thinking
+      deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his forehead
+      reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with the
+      conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common order.
+      The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful. I stated my
+      errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more visible effect
+      upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him somebody had stolen
+      my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Allow me to think a moment, please.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon his
+      hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the
+      scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six or
+      seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought.
+      Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his
+      face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was
+      made. Said he&mdash;and his voice was low and impressive:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step must
+      be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be observed&mdash;secrecy
+      profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the matter, not even the
+      reporters. I will take care of them; I will see that they get only what it
+      may suit my ends to let them know.&rdquo; He touched a bell; a youth appeared.
+      &ldquo;Alaric, tell the reporters to remain for the present.&rdquo; The boy retired.
+      &ldquo;Now let us proceed to business&mdash;and systematically. Nothing can be
+      accomplished in this trade of mine without strict and minute method.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He took a pen and some paper. &ldquo;Now&mdash;name of the elephant?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Mois Alhammal Jamsetjejeebhoy
+      Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very well. Given name?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Jumbo.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very well. Place of birth?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;The capital city of Siam.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Parents living?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No&mdash;dead.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Had they any other issue besides this one?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;None. He was an only child.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now please
+      describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however insignificant&mdash;that
+      is, insignificant from your point of view. To men in my profession there
+      are no insignificant particulars; they do not exist.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I described, he wrote. When I was done, he said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He read as follows:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead to insertion of tail, 26
+      feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length,
+      including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 1/2 feet ; ears
+      keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when one
+      up-ends a barrel in the snow; color of the elephant, a dull white; has a
+      hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry and
+      possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon
+      spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he
+      is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his
+      right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a former
+      boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen persons,
+      and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary carpet.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the
+      description to Alaric, and said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to every
+      detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent.&rdquo; Alaric retired.
+      &ldquo;There&mdash;so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the
+      property.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up and
+      tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to mislead,
+      for of course he does not usually have it in that position.&rdquo; He touched
+      his bell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first
+      thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the amount?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;What sum would you suggest?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;To begin with, I should say&mdash;well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It
+      is an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of
+      escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and
+      pals everywhere&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Bless me, do you know who they are?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within,
+      gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a pretty
+      shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and the size of
+      the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket or a hall
+      thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not 'lifted' by a
+      novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of travel which will
+      have to be done, and the diligence with which the thieves will cover up
+      their traces as they move along, twenty-five thousand may be too small a
+      sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to start with that.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom
+      nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a clue,
+      said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been
+      detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this
+      elephant eat, and how much?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, as to what he eats&mdash;he will eat anything. He will eat a man,
+      he will eat a Bible&mdash;he will eat anything between a man and a Bible.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary&mdash;details
+      are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well&mdash;as to men. At
+      one meal&mdash;or, if you prefer, during one day&mdash;how man men will he
+      eat, if fresh?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he
+      would eat five ordinary men.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he
+      prefer?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is
+      not prejudiced against strangers.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He would eat an entire edition.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the
+      family illustrated?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he
+      would not value illustrations above simple letterpress.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible
+      weighs about two pounds and a half, while the great quarto with the
+      illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at a
+      meal?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they
+      had.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. The
+      Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth&mdash;say an edition
+      of five hundred copies.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men and
+      Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want particulars.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles,
+      he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat cats,
+      he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat ham, he
+      will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he will leave
+      pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he will leave
+      bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave oats to eat
+      rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing whatever that he
+      will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that if he could taste
+      it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very good. General quantity at a meal&mdash;say about&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;And he drinks&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil,
+      camphene, carbolic acid&mdash;it is no use to go into particulars;
+      whatever fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is
+      fluid, except European coffee.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Very good. As to quantity?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Put it down five to fifteen barrels&mdash;his thirst varies; his other
+      appetites do not.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward
+      tracing him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He touched the bell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alaric; summon Captain Burns.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail
+      by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose plans
+      are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and Hackett
+      to shadow the elephant.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and
+      Bartholomew to shadow the thieves.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Place a strong guard&mdash;A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of
+      thirty&mdash;over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep
+      strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach&mdash;except
+      reporters&mdash;without written authority from me.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry
+      depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to
+      search all suspicious persons.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description of the
+      elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing ferryboats
+      and other vessels.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information
+      forwarded to me by telegraph.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found&mdash;footprints
+      of the animal, or anything of that kind.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages
+      vigilantly.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far
+      as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen to all messages; and
+      let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy&mdash;mind, the
+      most impenetrable secrecy.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Report to me promptly at the usual hour.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, Sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He was gone.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in his
+      eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a placid
+      voice:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but&mdash;we shall find
+      the elephant.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I FELT my thanks, too.
+      The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I admired
+      him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession. Then we
+      parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart than I had
+      carried with me to his office.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      II
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It even
+      had additions&mdash;consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and
+      Detective The Other's &ldquo;Theory&rdquo; as to how the robbery was done, who the
+      robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were
+      eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and this
+      single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No two
+      theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one
+      striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were
+      absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was
+      torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been
+      removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet. All
+      agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the detectives.
+      That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman, perhaps, but
+      it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what I had supposed
+      was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in fact the very thing
+      I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories all named the supposed
+      robbers, but no two named the same robbers; the total number of suspected
+      persons was thirty-seven. The various newspaper accounts all closed with
+      the most important opinion of all&mdash;that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A
+      portion of this statement read as follows:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     The chief knows who the two principals are, namely, &ldquo;Brick&rdquo; Duffy
+     and &ldquo;Red&rdquo; McFadden.  Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was
+     already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded
+     to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night
+     in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again
+     the bird was flown&mdash;that is, the elephant.
+
+     Duffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the
+     chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the
+     stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last
+     winter&mdash;in consequence of which the chief and every detective
+     present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some
+     with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other
+     members.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at the
+      wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything in the
+      present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden from
+      him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he had
+      had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but his
+      reply was simple and unanswerable:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot
+      punish it until it is committed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by the
+      newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes had been
+      revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these would
+      doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will
+      descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of
+      fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame, reputation,
+      constant public mention&mdash;these are the detective's bread and butter.
+      He must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have none; he must
+      publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking as a detective's
+      theory, or brings him so much wondering respect; we must publish our
+      plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we could not deny
+      them without offending. We must constantly show the public what we are
+      doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing. It is much pleasanter to
+      have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's ingenious and extraordinary
+      theory is as follows,' than to have it say some harsh thing, or, worse
+      still, some sarcastic one.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your
+      remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion upon
+      a certain minor point.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed
+      any opinion on that point, anyway.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet
+      current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the
+      telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the
+      newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our
+      twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to
+      detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would
+      catch the elephant. The inspector said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will go
+      to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would only be by
+      watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and indications
+      stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to the reward,
+      after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the men who
+      deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort of work,
+      and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon a capture
+      without having earned the benefits by their own merits and labors.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in the
+      corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M.
+     Have got a clue.  Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm
+     near here.  Followed them two miles east without result; think
+     elephant went west.  Shall now shadow him in that direction.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Darley's one of the best men on the force,&rdquo; said the inspector. &ldquo;We shall
+      hear from him again before long.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Telegram No. 2 came:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  Glass factory broken open here during night, and
+     eight hundred bottles taken.  Only water in large quantity near here
+     is five miles distant.  Shall strike for there.  Elephant will be
+     thirsty.  Bottles were empty.
+                         BAKER, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That promises well, too,&rdquo; said the inspector.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Telegram No. 3:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M.
+     A haystack near here disappeared during night.  Probably eaten.
+     Have got a clue, and am off.
+                         HUBBARD, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How he does move around!&rdquo; said the inspector &ldquo;I knew we had a difficult
+      job on hand, but we shall catch him yet.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M.
+     Shadowed the tracks three miles westward.  Large, deep, and ragged.
+     Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks.  Says
+     they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground
+     was frozen last winter.  Give me orders how to proceed.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm,&rdquo; said the
+      inspector.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      He dictated the following telegram to Darley:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Arrest the man and force him to name his pals.  Continue to follow
+     the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      Next telegram:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M.
+     Gas office broken open here during night and three months' unpaid gas
+     bills taken.  Have got a clue and am away.
+                         MURPHY, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Heavens!&rdquo; said the inspector; &ldquo;would he eat gas bills?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Through ignorance&mdash;yes; but they cannot support life. At least,
+      unassisted.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now came this exciting telegram:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  This village in consternation.  Elephant passed
+     through here at five this morning.  Some say he went east some say
+     west, some north, some south&mdash;but all say they did not wait to
+     notice, particularly.  He killed a horse; have secured a piece of it
+     for a clue.  Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he
+     struck it left-handed.  From position in which horse lies, think
+     elephant traveled northward along line of Berkley Railway.  Has four
+     and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once.
+                         HAWES, Detective
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a
+      graven image. He calmly touched his bell.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Alaric, send Captain Burns here.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Burns appeared.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;How many men are ready for instant orders?&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Ninety-six, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the
+      Berkley road north of Ironville.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as
+      others are at liberty, hold them for orders.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Go!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Yes, sir.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Presently came another telegram:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through here at 8.15.  All escaped
+     from the town but a policeman.  Apparently elephant did not strike
+     at policeman, but at the lamp-post.  Got both.  I have secured a
+     portion of the policeman as clue.
+                         STUMM, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;So the elephant has turned westward,&rdquo; said the inspector. &ldquo;However, he
+      will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The next telegram said:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         GLOVER'S, 11.15
+Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed
+through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting
+was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with
+water from cistern. Some swallowed it&mdash;since dead; several drowned.
+Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but
+going south&mdash;so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in
+terror&mdash;people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet
+elephant, and many are killed.                         BRANT, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector
+      only said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;You see&mdash;we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has
+      turned eastward again.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought
+      this:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         HOGANSPORT, 12.19.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating
+     wildest fright and excitement.  Elephant raged around streets; two
+     plumbers going by, killed one&mdash;other escaped.  Regret general.
+                         O'FLAHERTY, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Now he is right in the midst of my men,&rdquo; said the inspector. &ldquo;Nothing can
+      save him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through
+      New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of
+      ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, with high
+      hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that is
+      impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his report;
+      then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand on him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Now came this despatch:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15.
+     Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using
+     elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives
+     find him.  Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate
+     answer.
+                         BOGGS, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;That is perfectly absurd!&rdquo; I exclaimed.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Of course it is,&rdquo; said the inspector. &ldquo;Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks
+      he is so sharp, does not know me&mdash;but I know him.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Then he dictated this answer to the despatch:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Mr. Barnum's offer declined.  Make it $7,000 or nothing.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is not at
+      home; he is in the telegraph office&mdash;it is his way when he has
+      business on hand. Inside of three&mdash;&rdquo;
+     </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     Done.&mdash;P. T. BARNUM.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could make a
+      comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch carried my
+      thoughts into another and very distressing channel:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50.
+     Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the
+     forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing
+     the mourners by two.  Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into
+     him, and then fled.  Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes
+     later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints,
+     and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right
+     trail and followed it to the woods.  We then got down on our hands
+     and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so
+     shadowed it into the brush.  Burke was in advance.  Unfortunately
+     the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head
+     down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind
+     legs before he was aware of his vicinity.  Burke instantly arose to
+     his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, &ldquo;I claim the
+     re&mdash;&rdquo; but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid
+     the brave fellow's fragments low in death.  I fled rearward, and the
+     elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making
+     tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that
+     the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and
+     diverted his attention.  I have just learned that nothing of that
+     funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of
+     material for another.  Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again.
+                         MULROONEY, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives
+      scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia&mdash;who
+      were all following fresh and encouraging clues&mdash;until shortly after 2
+      P.M., when this telegram came:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         BAXTER CENTER, 2.15.
+     Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, and he broke up a
+     revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of
+     entering upon a better life.  Citizens penned him up and established
+     a guard.  When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we
+     entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph
+     and description.  All marks tallied exactly except one, which we
+     could not see&mdash;the boil-scar under armpit.  To make sure, Brown
+     crept under to look, and was immediately brained&mdash;that is, head
+     crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris.  All fled
+     so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect.  Has
+     escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds.  Rediscovery
+     certain.  He broke southward, through a dense forest.
+                         BRENT, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so
+      dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This lasted
+      all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop running.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003">
+      <!--  H2 anchor --> </a>
+    </p>
+    <div style="height: 4em;">
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </div>
+    <h2>
+      III
+    </h2>
+    <p>
+      Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before; they
+      had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more which they
+      had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column after column
+      was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring head-lines, which it
+      made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was like this:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE!  HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH! WHOLE
+     VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS!  PALE TERROR
+     GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER!  AFTER THESE,
+     THE DETECTIVES!  BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS
+     DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF
+     CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE!  THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST
+     DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCE!  THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT!
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;There!&rdquo; said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, &ldquo;this is
+      magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective organization
+      ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the earth, and endure
+      to the end of time, and my name with it.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red
+      crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how the
+      list had grown! In one place he had &ldquo;interfered with an election and
+      killed five repeaters.&rdquo; He had followed this act with the destruction of
+      two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, who had &ldquo;found a refuge
+      in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, and were in
+      the act of exercising for the first time the noble right of American
+      citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless hand of the
+      Scourge of Siam.&rdquo; In another, he had &ldquo;found a crazy sensation-preacher
+      preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the dance, the theater, and
+      other things which can't strike back, and had stepped on him.&rdquo; And in
+      still another place he had &ldquo;killed a lightning-rod agent.&rdquo; And so the list
+      went on, growing redder and redder, and more and more heartbreaking. Sixty
+      persons had been killed, and two hundred and forty wounded. All the
+      accounts bore just testimony to the activity and devotion of the
+      detectives, and all closed with the remark that &ldquo;three hundred thousand
+      citizens and four detectives saw the dread creature, and two of the latter
+      he destroyed.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again. By and
+      by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed in their
+      nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant was lost. The
+      fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place unobserved.
+      Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported that a dim vast
+      mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and such an hour, and
+      was &ldquo;undoubtedly the elephant.&rdquo; This dim vast mass had been glimpsed in
+      New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior New York, in
+      Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But in all cases the
+      dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace. Every detective of
+      the large force scattered over this huge extent of country sent his hourly
+      report, and each and every one of them had a clue, and was shadowing
+      something, and was hot upon the heels of it.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But the day passed without other result.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The next day the same.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The next just the same.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted to
+      nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly
+      exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor,
+      hard-working detectives&mdash;the journalists declined to print their
+      theories, and coldly said, &ldquo;Give us a rest.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to
+      seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice. It was a great
+      sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune
+      than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in
+      adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most
+      stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they
+      dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in
+      the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives
+      scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their backs,
+      stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of ridiculous
+      pictures of the detective badge&mdash;you have seen that badge printed in
+      gold on the back of detective novels no doubt, it is a wide-staring eye,
+      with the legend, &ldquo;WE NEVER SLEEP.&rdquo; When detectives called for a drink, the
+      would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an obsolete form of expression
+      and said, &ldquo;Will you have an eye-opener?&rdquo; All the air was thick with
+      sarcasms.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it
+      all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never
+      drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his
+      side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now
+      became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to do so
+      also&mdash;at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and stayed&mdash;the
+      only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody wondered how I
+      could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but at such times I
+      looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, and held my ground.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say,
+      one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the
+      great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and
+      masterly move.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man's
+      invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide
+      intercourse with the world's finest minds. He said he was confident he
+      could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the
+      elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what
+      would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;In compromises they always get half.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in this
+      form:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     DEAR MADAM,&mdash;Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be
+     entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment
+     with me.                           Chief BLUNT.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the &ldquo;reputed wife&rdquo;
+       of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      Within the hour these offensive answers came:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+     YE OWLD FOOL: brick McDuffys bin ded 2 yere.
+                                        BRIDGET MAHONEY.
+
+     CHIEF BAT,&mdash;Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month.  Any Ass
+     but a detective know that.
+                                        MARY O'HOOLIGAN.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;I had long suspected these facts,&rdquo; said the inspector; &ldquo;this testimony
+      proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He
+      immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a
+      copy of it:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+A.&mdash;xwblv.242 N. Tjnd&mdash;fz328wmlg. Ozpo,&mdash;; 2m! ogw. Mum
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual
+      rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a place
+      where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were
+      conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the
+      office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in
+      bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward he
+      took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye. An
+      almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome
+      tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes flamed
+      with triumph! He said:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;We've compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow!
+      Follow me!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement
+      where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing
+      cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly
+      down to the dim remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to the
+      pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over the
+      outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he went
+      down:
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      &ldquo;Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The
+      whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant
+      rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were
+      called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the
+      handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic.
+      Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so
+      complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that it
+      made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my
+      priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to me
+      through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a great
+      trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the chief,
+      and many a detective's voice murmured, &ldquo;Look at him&mdash;just the king of
+      the profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and there ain't
+      anything hid that he can't find.&rdquo; The dividing of the fifty thousand
+      dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief made a little
+      speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he said, &ldquo;Enjoy it,
+      boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've earned for the
+      detective profession undying fame.&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      A telegram arrived, which read:
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+                         MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M.
+First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have
+followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand
+miles to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day.
+Don't worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant. This is dead
+sure.                         DARLEY, Detective.
+</pre>
+    <p>
+      The chief ordered three cheers for &ldquo;Darley, one of the finest minds on the
+      force,&rdquo; and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and receive
+      his share of the reward.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers
+      were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one contemptible
+      exception. This sheet said, &ldquo;Great is the detective! He may be a little
+      slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he may hunt him all
+      day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for three weeks, but he
+      will find him at last if he can get the man who mislaid him to show him
+      the place!&rdquo;
+     </p>
+    <p>
+      Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him
+      fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there,
+      surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had
+      wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace.
+    </p>
+    <p>
+      The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective expenses
+      were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a place again
+      under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer in the earth, but my
+      admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest detective the
+      world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and will so remain
+      unto the end.
+    </p>
+<pre xml:space="preserve">
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Stolen White Elephant
+by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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+</pre>
+    <p>
+      <br /><br /><br /><br />
+    </p>
+  </body>
+</html>
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+Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+#42 in our series by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
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+Title: The Stolen White Elephant
+
+Author: Mark Twain
+
+Release Date: April, 2002  [Etext #3181]
+[Yes, we are about one year ahead of schedule]
+[The actual date this file first posted = 02/06/01]
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+Edition: 10
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+Language: English
+
+Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+*****This file should be named mtswe10.txt or mtswe10.zip***
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+
+The Stolen White Elephant
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+
+
+
+[Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some of the
+particulars had been exaggerated, and that others were not true.  Before
+these suspicions had been proven groundless, the book had gone to press.
+--M.T.]
+
+
+
+
+The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway
+acquaintance.  He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his
+thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted
+the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his
+lips.  He said:
+
+You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by
+the people of that country.  You know it is sacred to kings, only kings
+may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to
+kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship.  Very well; five
+years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between
+Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in
+the wrong.  Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British
+representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be
+forgotten.  This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token
+of gratitude, partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining
+vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished
+to send the Queen a present--the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy,
+according to Oriental ideas.  This present ought not only to be a royal
+one, but transcendently royal.  Wherefore, what offering could be so meet
+as that of a white elephant?  My position in the Indian civil service was
+such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the
+present to her Majesty.  A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and
+the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived in
+New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in
+Jersey City.  It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit, the
+animal's health before resuming the voyage.
+
+All went well during a fortnight--then my calamities began.  The white
+elephant was stolen!  I was called up at dead of night and informed of
+this fearful misfortune.  For some moments I was beside myself with
+terror and anxiety; I was helpless.  Then I grew calmer and collected my
+faculties.  I soon saw my course--for, indeed, there was but the one;
+course for an intelligent man to pursue.  Late as it was, I flew to New
+York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the
+detective force.  Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the
+force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving
+for his home.  He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when he
+was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his
+forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with
+the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common
+order.  The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful.
+I stated my errand.  It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more
+visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him
+somebody had stolen my dog.  He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly:
+
+"Allow me to think a moment, please."
+
+So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon his
+hand.  Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the
+scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six or
+seven minutes.  Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought.
+Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his
+face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was
+made.  Said he--and his voice was low and impressive:
+
+"This is no ordinary case.  Every step must be warily taken; each step
+must be made sure before the next is ventured.  And secrecy must be
+observed--secrecy profound and absolute.  Speak to no one about the
+matter, not even the reporters.  I will take care of them; I will see
+that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know."  He
+touched a bell; a youth appeared.  "Alaric, tell the reporters to remain
+for the present."  The boy retired.  "Now let us proceed to business--and
+systematically.  Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine
+without strict and minute method."
+
+He took a pen and some paper.  "Now--name of the elephant?"
+
+"Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moist Alhammal
+Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor."
+
+"Very well.  Given name?"
+
+"Jumbo."
+
+"Very well.  Place of birth?"
+
+"The capital city of Siam."
+
+"Parents living?"
+
+"No--dead."
+
+"Had they any other issue besides this one?"
+
+"None.  He was an only child."
+
+"Very well.  These matters are sufficient under that head.  Now please
+describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however
+insignificant--that is, insignificant from your point of view.  To me in
+my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not exist."
+
+I described he wrote.  When I was done, he said:
+
+"Now listen.  If I have made any mistakes, correct me."
+
+He read as follows:
+
+"Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead insertion of tail, 26
+feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length,
+including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 � feet; ears
+keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when one
+up-ends a barrel in the snow; the color of the elephant, a dull white;
+has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry
+and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon
+spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he
+is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his
+right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a
+former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen
+persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary carpet."
+
+There were no mistakes.  The inspector touched the bell, handed the
+description to Alaric, and said:
+
+"Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to every
+detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent."  Alaric
+retired.  "There--so far, so good.  Next, I must have a photograph of the
+property."
+
+I gave him one.  He examined it critically, and said:
+
+"It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up
+and tucked into his mouth.  That is unfortunate, and is calculated to
+mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position."
+He touched his bell.
+
+"Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first
+thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars."
+
+Alaric retired to execute his orders.  The inspector said:
+
+"It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course.  Now as to the
+amount?"
+
+"What sum would you suggest?"
+
+"To begin with, I should say--well, twenty-five thousand dollars.  It is
+an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of
+escape and opportunities of concealment.  These thieves have friends and
+pals everywhere--"
+
+"Bless me, do you know who they are?"
+
+The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within,
+gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered:
+
+"Never mind about that.  I may, and I may not.  We generally gather a
+pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and the
+size of the game he goes after.  We are not dealing with a pickpocket or
+a hall thief now, make up your mind to that.  This property was not
+'lifted' by a novice.  But, as I was saying, considering the amount of
+travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the
+thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five
+thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to
+start with that."
+
+So we determined upon that figure as a beginning.  Then this man, whom
+nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a
+clue, said:
+
+"There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been
+detected through peculiarities, in their appetites.  Now, what does this
+elephant eat, and how much?"
+
+"Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything.  He will eat a man, he
+will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible."
+
+"Good very good, indeed, but too general.  Details are necessary--details
+are the only valuable things in our trade.  Very well--as to men.  At one
+meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if
+fresh?"
+
+"He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he
+would eat five ordinary men.
+
+"Very good; five men; we will put that down.  What nationalities would he
+prefer?"
+
+"He is indifferent about nationalities.  He prefers acquaintances, but is
+not prejudiced against strangers."
+
+"Very good.  Now, as to Bibles.  How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?"
+
+"He would eat an entire edition."
+
+"It is hardly succinct enough.  Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the
+family illustrated?"
+
+"I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he
+would not value illustrations above simple letterpress."
+
+"No, you do not get my idea.  I refer to bulk.  The ordinary octavo Bible
+weighs about two pound; and a half, while the great quarto with the
+illustrations weighs ten or twelve.  How many Dore Bibles would he eat at
+a meal?"
+
+"If you knew this elephant, you could not ask.  He would take what they
+had."
+
+"Well, put it in dollars and cents, then.  We must get at it somehow.
+The Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled."
+
+"He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of
+five hundred copies."
+
+"Now that is more exact.  I will put that down.  Very well; he likes men
+and Bibles; so far, so good.  What else will he eat?  I want
+particulars."
+
+"He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles,
+he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat
+cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat
+ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he
+will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he
+will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave
+oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it.  There is nothing
+whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that
+if he could taste it."
+
+"Very good.  General quantity at a meal--say about--"
+
+"Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton."
+
+"And he drinks--"
+
+"Everything that is fluid.  Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil,
+camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever
+fluid occurs to you set it down.  He will drink anything that is fluid,
+except European coffee."
+
+"Very good.  As to quantity?"
+
+"Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other
+appetites do not."
+
+"These things are unusual.  They ought to furnish quite good clues toward
+tracing him."
+
+He touched the bell.
+
+"Alaric; summon Captain Burns."
+
+Burns appeared.  Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail
+by detail.  Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose
+plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command:
+
+"Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and
+Hackett to shadow the elephant."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and
+Bartholomew to shadow the thieves."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of
+thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep
+strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except
+reporters--without written authority from me."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry
+depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to
+search all suspicious persons."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description of
+the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing
+ferryboats and other vessels."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information
+forwarded to me by telegraph."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found footprints of
+the animal, or anything of that kind."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages
+vigilantly."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far
+as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen in to all messages;
+and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most
+impenetrable secrecy."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Report to me promptly at the usual hour."
+
+"Yes, Sir."
+
+"Go!"
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+He was gone.
+
+Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in his
+eye cooled down and faded out.  Then he turned to me and said in a placid
+voice:
+
+"I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the
+elephant."
+
+I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I felt my thanks,
+too.  The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I
+admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession.
+Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart
+than I had carried with me to his office.
+
+
+II
+
+Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail.  It
+even had additions--consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and
+Detective The Other's "Theory" as to how the robbery was done, who the
+robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty.  There were
+eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and
+this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are.  No two
+theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one
+striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were
+absolutely agreed.  That was, that although the rear of my building was
+torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been
+removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet.
+All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the
+detectives.  That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman,
+perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment.  Thus, what
+I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in
+fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in.  The eleven theories
+all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers; the
+total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven.  The various
+newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of all--
+that of Chief Inspector Blunt.  A portion of this statement read as
+follows:
+
+     The chief knows who the two principals are, namely," Brick" Daffy
+     and "Red" McFadden.  Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was
+     already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded
+     to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night
+     in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again
+     the bird was flown--that is, the elephant.
+
+     Daffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the
+     chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the
+     stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last
+     winter--in consequence of which the chief and every detective
+     present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some
+     with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other
+     members.
+
+When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at the
+wonderful sagacity of this strange man.  He not only saw everything in
+the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden
+from him.  I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he
+had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but
+his reply was simple and unanswerable:
+
+"It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it.  We cannot
+punish it until it is committed."
+
+I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by
+the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes had
+been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these would
+doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding.
+
+"Let them.  They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will
+descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of
+fate.  As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them.  Fame,
+reputation, constant public mention--these are the detective's bread and
+butter.  He must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have
+none; he must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking
+as a detective's theory, or brings him so much wonderful respect; we must
+publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we
+could not deny them without offending.  We must constantly show the
+public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing.
+It is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's
+ingenious and extraordinary theory is as follows,' than to have it say
+some harsh thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one."
+
+"I see the force of what you say.  But I noticed that in one part of your
+remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion
+upon a certain minor point."
+
+"Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect.  Besides, I had not formed
+any opinion on that point, anyway."
+
+I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet
+current expenses, and sat down to wait for news.  We were expecting the
+telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now.  Meantime I reread the
+newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our
+twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to
+detectives.  I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would
+catch the elephant.  The inspector said:
+
+"It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will
+go to the right place.  If other people found the animal, it would only
+be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and
+indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to
+the reward, after all.  The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the
+men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort
+of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon
+a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits and
+labors."
+
+This was reasonable enough, certainly.  Now the telegraphic machine in
+the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result:
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M.
+     Have got a clue.  Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm
+     near here.  Followed them two miles east without result; think
+     elephant went west.  Shall now shadow him in that direction.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+"Darley's one of the best men on the force," said the inspector.  "We
+shall hear from him again before long."
+
+Telegram No. 2 came:
+
+                         BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  Glass factory broken open here during night, and
+     eight hundred bottles taken.  Only water in large quantity near here
+     is five miles distant.  Shall strike for there.  Elephant will be
+     thirsty.  Bottles were empty.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+"That promises well, too," said the inspector.
+
+I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues."
+
+Telegram No. 3:
+
+                         TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M.
+     A haystack near here disappeared during night.  Probably eaten.
+     Have got a clue, and am off.
+                         HUBBARD, Detective.
+
+"How he does move around!" said the inspector "I knew we had a difficult
+job on hand, but we shall catch him yet."
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M.
+     Shadowed the tracks three miles westward.  Large, deep, and ragged.
+     Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks.  Says
+     they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground
+     was frozen last winter.  Give me orders how to proceed.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+"Aha!  a confederate of the thieves!  The thing, grows warm," said the
+inspector.
+
+He dictated the following telegram to Darley:
+
+     Arrest the man and force him to name his pals.  Continue to follow
+     the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+Next telegram:
+
+                         CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M.
+     Gas office broken open here during night and three month; unpaid gas
+     bills taken.  Have got a clue and am away.
+                         MURPHY, Detective.
+
+"Heavens!" said the inspector; "would he eat gas bills?"
+
+"Through ignorance--yes; but they cannot support life.  At least,
+unassisted."
+
+Now came this exciting telegram:
+
+                         IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  This village in consternation.  Elephant passed
+     through here at five this morning.  Some say he went east some say
+     west, some north, some south--but all say they did not wait to
+     notice, particularly.  He killed a horse; have secure a piece of it
+     for a clue.  Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he
+     struck it left-handed.  From position in which horse lies, think
+     elephant traveled northward along line Berkley Railway.  Has four
+     and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once.
+                         HAWES, Detective
+
+I uttered exclamations of joy.  The inspector was as self-contained as a
+graven image.  He calmly touched his bell.
+
+"Alaric, send Captain Burns here."
+
+Burns appeared.
+
+"How many men are ready for instant orders?"
+
+"Ninety-six, sir."
+
+"Send them north at once.  Let them concentrate along the line of the
+Berkley road north of Ironville."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy.  As fast as
+others are at liberty, hold them for orders."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Go!"
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+Presently came another telegram:
+
+                         SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through here at 8.15.  All escaped
+     from the town but a policeman.  Apparently elephant did not strike
+     at policeman, but at the lamp-post.  Got both.  I have secured a
+     portion of the policeman as clue.
+                         STUMM, Detective.
+
+"So the elephant has turned westward," said the inspector.  "However, he
+will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region."
+
+The next telegram said:
+
+                         GLOVER'S, 11.15
+Just arrived.  Village deserted, except sick and aged.  Elephant passed
+through three-quarters of an hour ago.  The anti-temperance mass-meeting
+was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with
+water from cistern.  Some swallowed it--since dead; several drowned.
+Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but going
+south--so missed elephant.  Whole region for many miles around in terror-
+-people flying from their homes.  Wherever they turn they meet elephant,
+and many are killed.
+                         BRANT, Detective.
+
+I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me.  But the inspector
+only said:
+
+"You see--we are closing in on him.  He feels our presence; he has turned
+eastward again."
+
+Yet further troublous news was in store for us.  The telegraph brought
+this:
+
+                         HOGANSPORT, 12.19.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating
+     wildest fright and excitement.  Elephant raged around streets; two
+     plumbers going by, killed one--other escaped.  Regret general.
+                         O'FLAHERTY, Detective.
+
+"Now he is right in the midst of my men," said the inspector.  "Nothing
+can save him."
+
+A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through
+New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of
+ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, with high
+hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed.  The inspector said:
+
+"I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that is
+impossible.  A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his
+report; then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand
+on him."
+
+Now came this despatch:
+
+                         BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15.
+     Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using
+     elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives
+     find him.  Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate
+     answer.
+                         BOGGS, Detective.
+
+"That is perfectly absurd!" I exclaimed.
+
+"Of course it is," said the inspector.  "Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks
+he is so sharp, does not know me--but I know him."
+
+Then he dictated this answer to the despatch:
+
+     Mr. Barnum's offer declined.  Make it $7,000 or nothing.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+"There.  We shall not have to wait long for an answer.  Mr.  Barnum is
+not at home; he is in the telegraph office--it is his way when he has
+business on hand.  Inside of three--"
+
+     Done.--P. T. BARNUM.
+
+So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument.  Before I could make
+a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch carried
+my thoughts into another and very distressing channel:
+
+                         BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50.
+     Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the
+     forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing
+     the mourners by two.  Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into
+     him, and they fled.  Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes
+     later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints,
+     and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right
+     trail and followed it to the woods.  We then got down on our hands
+     and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so
+     shadowed it into the brush.  Burke was in advance.  Unfortunately
+     the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head
+     down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind
+     legs before he was aware of his vicinity.  Burke instantly arose to
+     his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, "I claim the re-
+     -" but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid the
+     brave fellow's fragments low in death.  I fled rearward, and the
+     elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making
+     tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that
+     the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and
+     diverted his attention.  I have just learned that nothing of that
+     funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of
+     material for another.  Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again.
+                         MULROONEY, Detective.
+
+We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives
+scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia--who
+were all following fresh and encouraging clues--until shortly after
+2 P.M., when this telegram came:
+
+                         BAXTER CENTER, 2.15.
+     Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, any broke up a
+     revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of
+     entering upon a better life.  Citizens penned him up and established
+     a guard.  When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we
+     entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph
+     and description.  All masks tallied exactly except one, which we
+     could not see--the boil-scar under armpit.  To make sure, Brown
+     crept under to look, and was immediately brained--that is, head
+     crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris.  All fled
+     so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect.  He
+     escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds.  Rediscovery
+     certain.  He broke southward, through a dense forest.
+                         BRENT, Detective.
+
+That was the last telegram.  At nightfall a fog shut down which was so
+dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned.  This
+lasted all night.  The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop
+running.
+
+
+
+III
+
+Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before;
+they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more which
+they had received from their telegraphic correspondents.  Column after
+column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring head-lines,
+which it made my heart sick to read.  Their general tone was like this:
+
+     THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE!  HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH WHOLE
+     VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS!  PALE TERROR
+     GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER!  AFTER THESE,
+     THE DETECTIVES!  BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS
+     DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF
+     CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE!  THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST
+     DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCES!  THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT!
+
+"There!" said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, "this is
+magnificent!  This is the greatest windfall that any detective
+organization ever had.  The fame of it will travel to the ends of the
+earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it."
+
+But there was no joy for me.  I felt as if I had committed all those red
+crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent.  And how
+the list had grown!  In one place he had "interfered with an election and
+killed five repeaters."  He had followed this act with the destruction of
+two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, whO had "found a
+refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, and
+were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right of
+American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless hand
+of the Scourge of Siam."  In another, he had "found a crazy sensation-
+preacher preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the dance, the
+theater, and other things which can't strike back, and had stepped on
+him."  And in still another place he had "killed a lightning-rod agent."
+And so the list went on, growing redder and redder, and more and more
+heartbreaking.  Sixty persons had been killed, and two hundred and forty
+wounded.  All the accounts bore just testimony to the activity and
+devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the remark that "three
+hundred thousand citizen; and four detectives saw the dread creature, and
+two of the latter he destroyed."
+
+I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again.
+By and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed
+in they nature.  It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant was
+lost.  The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place
+unobserved.  Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported
+that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and
+such an hour, and was "undoubtedly the elephant."  This dim vast mass had
+been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior
+New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself!  But in
+all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace.
+Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of
+country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a
+clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it.
+
+But the day passed without other result.
+
+The next day the same.
+
+The next just the same.
+
+The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted
+to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly
+exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle.
+
+By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward.
+
+Four more dull days followed.  Then came a bitter blow to the poor,
+hard-working detectives--the journalists declined to print their
+theories, and coldly said, "Give us a rest."
+
+Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to
+seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice.  It was a great
+sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune
+than lose my credit with my government.  Now that the detectives were in
+adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most
+stinging sarcasms at them.  This gave the minstrels an idea, and they
+dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in
+the most extravagant way.  The caricaturists made pictures of detectives
+scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their
+backs, stole apples out of their pockets.  And they made all sorts of
+ridiculous pictures of the detective badge--you have seen that badge
+printed in gold on the back of detective novels, no doubt it is a
+wide-staring eye, with the legend, "WE NEVER SLEEP."  When detectives
+called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an
+obsolete form of expression and said, "Will you have an eye-opener?"
+All the air was thick with sarcasms.
+
+But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it
+all.  It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector.  His brave eye never
+drooped, his serene confidence never wavered.  He always said:
+
+"Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last."
+
+My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship.  I was at his
+side always.  His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now
+became daily more and more so.  Yet if he could endure it I meant to do
+so also--at least, as long as I could.  So I came regularly, and stayed
+--the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it.  Everybody wondered
+how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but at such
+times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, and held
+my ground.
+
+About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say,
+one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the
+great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and
+masterly move.
+
+This was to compromise with the robbers.  The fertility of this man's
+invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide
+intercourse with the world's finest minds.  He said he was confident he
+could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the
+elephant.  I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what
+would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully?  He
+said:
+
+"In compromises they always get half."
+
+This removed my only objection.  So the inspector wrote two notes, in
+this form:
+
+     DEAR MADAM,--Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be
+     entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment
+     with me.                           Chief BLUNT.
+
+He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the "reputed wife"
+of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden.
+
+Within the hour these offensive answers came:
+
+     YE OWLD FOOL: brick Duffys bin ded 2 yere.
+                                        BRIDGET MAHONEY.
+
+     CHIEF BAT,--Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month.  Any Ass
+     but a detective know that.
+                                        MARY O'HOOLIGAN.
+
+"I had long suspected these facts," said the inspector; "this testimony
+proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct."
+
+The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another.  He
+immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a
+copy of it:
+
+     A.--xWhlv.  242 ht.  Tjnd-fz328wmlg.  Ozpo,-- 2 m!  2m!.  M! ogw.
+
+He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual
+rendezvous.  He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a glare
+where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were
+conducted.  This meeting would take place at twelve the next night.
+
+We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the
+office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege.
+
+At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in
+bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward he
+took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye.
+An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome
+tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him.  How his fine eyes
+flamed with triumph!  He said:
+
+"We've compromised!  The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow!
+Follow me!"
+
+He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement
+where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing
+cards to while the time.  I followed close after him.  He walked swiftly
+down to the dim and remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to
+the pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over
+the outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he
+went down:
+
+"Our noble profession is vindicated.  Here is your elephant!"
+
+I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid.  The
+whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant
+rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before.  The reporters were
+called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the
+handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic.
+Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so
+complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that it
+made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my
+priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to me
+through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a great
+trust.  Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the chief,
+and many a detective's voice murmured, "Look at him--just the king of the
+profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and there ain't
+anything hid that he can't find."  The dividing of the fifty thousand
+dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief made a little
+speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he said, "Enjoy it,
+boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've earned for the
+detective profession undying fame."
+
+A telegram arrived, which read:
+
+                         MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M.
+First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks.  Have
+followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand miles
+to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day.  Don't
+worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant.  This is dead sure.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+The chief ordered three cheers for "Darley, one of the finest minds on
+the force," and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and
+receive his share of the reward.
+
+So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant.  The newspapers
+were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one contemptible
+exception.  This sheet said, "Great is the detective!  He may be a little
+slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he may hunt him
+all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for three weeks, but
+he will find him at last if he can get the man who mislaid him to show
+him the place!"
+
+Poor Hassan was lost to me forever.  The cannonshots had wounded him
+fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there,
+surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had
+wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace.
+
+The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective
+expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a
+place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer on the
+earth but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest
+detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and
+will so remain unto the end.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+#42 in our series by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
+
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+Title: The Stolen White Elephant
+
+Author: Mark Twain
+
+Release Date: April, 2002  [Etext #3181]
+[Yes, we are about one year ahead of schedule]
+[This file was first posted on February 6, 2001]
+[Most recently updated: November 29, 2001]
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+Language: English
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+
+The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain
+**********This file should be named mtswe11.txt or mtswe11.zip*********
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+
+
+THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT
+
+by Mark Twain
+
+
+
+[Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some of the
+particulars had been exaggerated, and that others were not true.  Before
+these suspicions had been proven groundless, the book had gone to press.
+--M.  T.]
+
+
+
+The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway
+acquaintance.  He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his
+thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted
+the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his
+lips.  He said:
+
+You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by
+the people of that country.  You know it is sacred to kings, only kings
+may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to
+kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship.  Very well; five
+years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between
+Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in
+the wrong.  Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British
+representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be
+forgotten.  This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token
+of gratitude, partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining
+vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished
+to send the Queen a present--the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy,
+according to Oriental ideas.  This present ought not only to be a royal
+one, but transcendently royal.  Wherefore, what offering could be so meet
+as that of a white elephant?  My position in the Indian civil service was
+such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the
+present to her Majesty.  A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and
+the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived in
+New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in
+Jersey City.  It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit the
+animal's health before resuming the voyage.
+
+All went well during a fortnight--then my calamities began.  The white
+elephant was stolen!  I was called up at dead of night and informed of
+this fearful misfortune.  For some moments I was beside myself with
+terror and anxiety; I was helpless.  Then I grew calmer and collected my
+faculties.  I soon saw my course--for, indeed, there was but the one
+course for an intelligent man to pursue.  Late as it was, I flew to New
+York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the
+detective force.  Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the
+force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving
+for his home.  He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when he
+was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his
+forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with
+the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common
+order.  The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful.
+I stated my errand.  It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more
+visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him
+somebody had stolen my dog.  He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly:
+
+"Allow me to think a moment, please."
+
+So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon his
+hand.  Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the
+scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six or
+seven minutes.  Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought.
+Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his
+face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was
+made.  Said he--and his voice was low and impressive:
+
+"This is no ordinary case.  Every step must be warily taken; each step
+must be made sure before the next is ventured.  And secrecy must be
+observed--secrecy profound and absolute.  Speak to no one about the
+matter, not even the reporters.  I will take care of them; I will see
+that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know."  He
+touched a bell; a youth appeared.  "Alaric, tell the reporters to remain
+for the present."  The boy retired.  "Now let us proceed to business--and
+systematically.  Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine
+without strict and minute method."
+
+He took a pen and some paper.  "Now--name of the elephant?"
+
+"Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moist Alhammal
+Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor."
+
+"Very well.  Given name?"
+
+"Jumbo."
+
+"Very well.  Place of birth?"
+
+"The capital city of Siam."
+
+"Parents living?"
+
+"No--dead."
+
+"Had they any other issue besides this one?"
+
+"None.  He was an only child."
+
+"Very well.  These matters are sufficient under that head.  Now please
+describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however
+insignificant--that is, insignificant from your point of view.  To me in
+my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not exist."
+
+I described he wrote.  When I was done, he said:
+
+"Now listen.  If I have made any mistakes, correct me."
+
+He read as follows:
+
+"Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead insertion of tail, 26
+feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length,
+including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 feet; ears
+keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when one
+up-ends a barrel in the snow; the color of the elephant, a dull white;
+has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry
+and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon
+spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he
+is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his
+right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a
+former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen
+persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary carpet."
+
+There were no mistakes.  The inspector touched the bell, handed the
+description to Alaric, and said:
+
+"Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to every
+detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent."  Alaric
+retired.  "There--so far, so good.  Next, I must have a photograph of the
+property."
+
+I gave him one.  He examined it critically, and said:
+
+"It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up
+and tucked into his mouth.  That is unfortunate, and is calculated to
+mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position."
+He touched his bell.
+
+"Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first
+thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars."
+
+Alaric retired to execute his orders.  The inspector said:
+
+"It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course.  Now as to the
+amount?"
+
+"What sum would you suggest?"
+
+"To begin with, I should say--well, twenty-five thousand dollars.  It is
+an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of
+escape and opportunities of concealment.  These thieves have friends and
+pals everywhere--"
+
+"Bless me, do you know who they are?"
+
+The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within,
+gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered:
+
+"Never mind about that.  I may, and I may not.  We generally gather a
+pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and the
+size of the game he goes after.  We are not dealing with a pickpocket or
+a hall thief now, make up your mind to that.  This property was not
+'lifted' by a novice.  But, as I was saying, considering the amount of
+travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the
+thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five
+thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to
+start with that."
+
+So we determined upon that figure as a beginning.  Then this man, whom
+nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a
+clue, said:
+
+"There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been
+detected through peculiarities, in their appetites.  Now, what does this
+elephant eat, and how much?"
+
+"Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything.  He will eat a man, he
+will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible."
+
+"Good very good, indeed, but too general.  Details are necessary--details
+are the only valuable things in our trade.  Very well--as to men.  At one
+meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if
+fresh?"
+
+"He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he
+would eat five ordinary men.
+
+"Very good; five men; we will put that down.  What nationalities would he
+prefer?"
+
+"He is indifferent about nationalities.  He prefers acquaintances, but is
+not prejudiced against strangers."
+
+"Very good.  Now, as to Bibles.  How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?"
+
+"He would eat an entire edition."
+
+"It is hardly succinct enough.  Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the
+family illustrated?"
+
+"I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he
+would not value illustrations above simple letterpress."
+
+"No, you do not get my idea.  I refer to bulk.  The ordinary octavo Bible
+weighs about two pound; and a half, while the great quarto with the
+illustrations weighs ten or twelve.  How many Dore Bibles would he eat at
+a meal?"
+
+"If you knew this elephant, you could not ask.  He would take what they
+had."
+
+"Well, put it in dollars and cents, then.  We must get at it somehow.
+The Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled."
+
+"He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of
+five hundred copies."
+
+"Now that is more exact.  I will put that down.  Very well; he likes men
+and Bibles; so far, so good.  What else will he eat?  I want
+particulars."
+
+"He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles,
+he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat
+cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat
+ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he
+will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he
+will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave
+oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it.  There is nothing
+whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that
+if he could taste it."
+
+"Very good.  General quantity at a meal--say about--"
+
+"Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton."
+
+"And he drinks--"
+
+"Everything that is fluid.  Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil,
+camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever
+fluid occurs to you set it down.  He will drink anything that is fluid,
+except European coffee."
+
+"Very good.  As to quantity?"
+
+"Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other
+appetites do not."
+
+"These things are unusual.  They ought to furnish quite good clues toward
+tracing him."
+
+He touched the bell.
+
+"Alaric; summon Captain Burns."
+
+Burns appeared.  Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail
+by detail.  Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose
+plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command:
+
+"Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and
+Hackett to shadow the elephant."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and
+Bartholomew to shadow the thieves."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of
+thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep
+strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except
+reporters--without written authority from me."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry
+depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to
+search all suspicious persons."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description of
+the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing
+ferryboats and other vessels."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information
+forwarded to me by telegraph."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found footprints of
+the animal, or anything of that kind."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages
+vigilantly."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far
+as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen in to all messages;
+and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most
+impenetrable secrecy."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Report to me promptly at the usual hour."
+
+"Yes, Sir."
+
+"Go!"
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+He was gone.
+
+Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in his
+eye cooled down and faded out.  Then he turned to me and said in a placid
+voice:
+
+"I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the
+elephant."
+
+I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I felt my thanks,
+too.  The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I
+admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession.
+Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart
+than I had carried with me to his office.
+
+
+II
+
+Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail.  It
+even had additions--consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and
+Detective The Other's "Theory" as to how the robbery was done, who the
+robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty.  There were
+eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and
+this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are.  No two
+theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one
+striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were
+absolutely agreed.  That was, that although the rear of my building was
+torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been
+removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet.
+All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the
+detectives.  That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman,
+perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment.  Thus, what
+I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in
+fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in.  The eleven theories
+all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers; the
+total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven.  The various
+newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of all--
+that of Chief Inspector Blunt.  A portion of this statement read as
+follows:
+
+     The chief knows who the two principals are, namely," Brick" Daffy
+     and "Red" McFadden.  Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was
+     already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded
+     to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night
+     in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again
+     the bird was flown--that is, the elephant.
+
+     Daffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the
+     chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the
+     stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last
+     winter--in consequence of which the chief and every detective
+     present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some
+     with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other
+     members.
+
+When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at the
+wonderful sagacity of this strange man.  He not only saw everything in
+the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden
+from him.  I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he
+had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but
+his reply was simple and unanswerable:
+
+"It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it.  We cannot
+punish it until it is committed."
+
+I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by
+the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes had
+been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these would
+doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding.
+
+"Let them.  They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will
+descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of
+fate.  As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them.  Fame,
+reputation, constant public mention--these are the detective's bread and
+butter.  He must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have
+none; he must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking
+as a detective's theory, or brings him so much wonderful respect; we must
+publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we
+could not deny them without offending.  We must constantly show the
+public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing.
+It is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's
+ingenious and extraordinary theory is as follows,' than to have it say
+some harsh thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one."
+
+"I see the force of what you say.  But I noticed that in one part of your
+remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion
+upon a certain minor point."
+
+"Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect.  Besides, I had not formed
+any opinion on that point, anyway."
+
+I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet
+current expenses, and sat down to wait for news.  We were expecting the
+telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now.  Meantime I reread the
+newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our
+twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to
+detectives.  I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would
+catch the elephant.  The inspector said:
+
+"It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will
+go to the right place.  If other people found the animal, it would only
+be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and
+indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to
+the reward, after all.  The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the
+men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort
+of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon
+a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits and
+labors."
+
+This was reasonable enough, certainly.  Now the telegraphic machine in
+the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result:
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M.
+     Have got a clue.  Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm
+     near here.  Followed them two miles east without result; think
+     elephant went west.  Shall now shadow him in that direction.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+"Darley's one of the best men on the force," said the inspector.  "We
+shall hear from him again before long."
+
+Telegram No. 2 came:
+
+                         BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  Glass factory broken open here during night, and
+     eight hundred bottles taken.  Only water in large quantity near here
+     is five miles distant.  Shall strike for there.  Elephant will be
+     thirsty.  Bottles were empty.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+"That promises well, too," said the inspector.
+
+"I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues."
+
+Telegram No. 3:
+
+                         TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M.
+     A haystack near here disappeared during night.  Probably eaten.
+     Have got a clue, and am off.
+                         HUBBARD, Detective.
+
+"How he does move around!" said the inspector "I knew we had a difficult
+job on hand, but we shall catch him yet."
+
+                         FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M.
+     Shadowed the tracks three miles westward.  Large, deep, and ragged.
+     Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks.  Says
+     they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground
+     was frozen last winter.  Give me orders how to proceed.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+"Aha!  a confederate of the thieves!  The thing, grows warm," said the
+inspector.
+
+He dictated the following telegram to Darley:
+
+     Arrest the man and force him to name his pals.  Continue to follow
+     the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+Next telegram:
+
+                         CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M.
+     Gas office broken open here during night and three month; unpaid gas
+     bills taken.  Have got a clue and am away.
+                         MURPHY, Detective.
+
+"Heavens!" said the inspector; "would he eat gas bills?"
+
+"Through ignorance--yes; but they cannot support life.  At least,
+unassisted."
+
+Now came this exciting telegram:
+
+                         IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M.
+     Just arrived.  This village in consternation.  Elephant passed
+     through here at five this morning.  Some say he went east some say
+     west, some north, some south--but all say they did not wait to
+     notice, particularly.  He killed a horse; have secure a piece of it
+     for a clue.  Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he
+     struck it left-handed.  From position in which horse lies, think
+     elephant traveled northward along line Berkley Railway.  Has four
+     and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once.
+                         HAWES, Detective
+
+I uttered exclamations of joy.  The inspector was as self-contained as a
+graven image.  He calmly touched his bell.
+
+"Alaric, send Captain Burns here."
+
+Burns appeared.
+
+"How many men are ready for instant orders?"
+
+"Ninety-six, sir."
+
+"Send them north at once.  Let them concentrate along the line of the
+Berkley road north of Ironville."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy.  As fast as
+others are at liberty, hold them for orders."
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+"Go!"
+
+"Yes, sir."
+
+Presently came another telegram:
+
+                         SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through here at 8.15.  All escaped
+     from the town but a policeman.  Apparently elephant did not strike
+     at policeman, but at the lamp-post.  Got both.  I have secured a
+     portion of the policeman as clue.
+                         STUMM, Detective.
+
+"So the elephant has turned westward," said the inspector.  "However, he
+will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region."
+
+The next telegram said:
+
+                         GLOVER'S, 11.15
+Just arrived.  Village deserted, except sick and aged.  Elephant passed
+through three-quarters of an hour ago.  The anti-temperance mass-meeting
+was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with
+water from cistern.  Some swallowed it--since dead; several drowned.
+Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but going
+south--so missed elephant.  Whole region for many miles around in terror-
+-people flying from their homes.  Wherever they turn they meet elephant,
+and many are killed.
+                         BRANT, Detective.
+
+I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me.  But the inspector
+only said:
+
+"You see--we are closing in on him.  He feels our presence; he has turned
+eastward again."
+
+Yet further troublous news was in store for us.  The telegraph brought
+this:
+
+                         HOGANSPORT, 12.19.
+     Just arrived.  Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating
+     wildest fright and excitement.  Elephant raged around streets; two
+     plumbers going by, killed one--other escaped.  Regret general.
+                         O'FLAHERTY, Detective.
+
+"Now he is right in the midst of my men," said the inspector.  "Nothing
+can save him."
+
+A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through
+New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of
+ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, with high
+hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed.  The inspector said:
+
+"I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that is
+impossible.  A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his
+report; then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand
+on him."
+
+Now came this despatch:
+
+                         BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15.
+     Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using
+     elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives
+     find him.  Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate
+     answer.
+                         BOGGS, Detective.
+
+"That is perfectly absurd!" I exclaimed.
+
+"Of course it is," said the inspector.  "Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks
+he is so sharp, does not know me--but I know him."
+
+Then he dictated this answer to the despatch:
+
+     Mr. Barnum's offer declined.  Make it $7,000 or nothing.
+                         Chief BLUNT.
+
+"There.  We shall not have to wait long for an answer.  Mr.  Barnum is
+not at home; he is in the telegraph office--it is his way when he has
+business on hand.  Inside of three--"
+
+     Done.--P. T. BARNUM.
+
+So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument.  Before I could make
+a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch carried
+my thoughts into another and very distressing channel:
+
+                         BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50.
+     Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the
+     forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing
+     the mourners by two.  Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into
+     him, and they fled.  Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes
+     later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints,
+     and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right
+     trail and followed it to the woods.  We then got down on our hands
+     and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so
+     shadowed it into the brush.  Burke was in advance.  Unfortunately
+     the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head
+     down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind
+     legs before he was aware of his vicinity.  Burke instantly arose to
+     his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, "I claim the re--
+     "but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid the
+     brave fellow's fragments low in death.  I fled rearward, and the
+     elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making
+     tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that
+     the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and
+     diverted his attention.  I have just learned that nothing of that
+     funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of
+     material for another.  Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again.
+                         MULROONEY, Detective.
+
+We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives
+scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia--who
+were all following fresh and encouraging clues--until shortly after
+2 P.M., when this telegram came:
+
+                         BAXTER CENTER, 2.15.
+     Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, any broke up a
+     revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of
+     entering upon a better life.  Citizens penned him up and established
+     a guard.  When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we
+     entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph
+     and description.  All masks tallied exactly except one, which we
+     could not see--the boil-scar under armpit.  To make sure, Brown
+     crept under to look, and was immediately brained--that is, head
+     crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris.  All fled
+     so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect.  He
+     escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds.  Rediscovery
+     certain.  He broke southward, through a dense forest.
+                         BRENT, Detective.
+
+That was the last telegram.  At nightfall a fog shut down which was so
+dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned.  This
+lasted all night.  The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop
+running.
+
+
+
+III
+
+Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before;
+they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more which
+they had received from their telegraphic correspondents.  Column after
+column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring head-lines,
+which it made my heart sick to read.  Their general tone was like this:
+
+     THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE!  HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH WHOLE
+     VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS!  PALE TERROR
+     GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER!  AFTER THESE,
+     THE DETECTIVES!  BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS
+     DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF
+     CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE!  THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST
+     DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCES!  THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT!
+
+"There!" said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, "this is
+magnificent!  This is the greatest windfall that any detective
+organization ever had.  The fame of it will travel to the ends of the
+earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it."
+
+But there was no joy for me.  I felt as if I had committed all those red
+crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent.  And how
+the list had grown!  In one place he had "interfered with an election and
+killed five repeaters."  He had followed this act with the destruction of
+two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, who had "found a
+refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, and
+were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right of
+American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless hand
+of the Scourge of Siam."  In another, he had "found a crazy sensation-
+preacher preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the dance, the
+theater, and other things which can't strike back, and had stepped on
+him."  And in still another place he had "killed a lightning-rod agent."
+And so the list went on, growing redder and redder, and more and more
+heartbreaking.  Sixty persons had been killed, and two hundred and forty
+wounded.  All the accounts bore just testimony to the activity and
+devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the remark that "three
+hundred thousand citizen; and four detectives saw the dread creature, and
+two of the latter he destroyed."
+
+I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again.
+By and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed
+in they nature.  It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant was
+lost.  The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place
+unobserved.  Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported
+that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and
+such an hour, and was "undoubtedly the elephant."  This dim vast mass had
+been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior
+New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself!  But in
+all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace.
+Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of
+country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a
+clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it.
+
+But the day passed without other result.
+
+The next day the same.
+
+The next just the same.
+
+The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted
+to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly
+exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle.
+
+By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward.
+
+Four more dull days followed.  Then came a bitter blow to the poor,
+hard-working detectives--the journalists declined to print their
+theories, and coldly said, "Give us a rest."
+
+Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to
+seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice.  It was a great
+sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune
+than lose my credit with my government.  Now that the detectives were in
+adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most
+stinging sarcasms at them.  This gave the minstrels an idea, and they
+dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in
+the most extravagant way.  The caricaturists made pictures of detectives
+scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their
+backs, stole apples out of their pockets.  And they made all sorts of
+ridiculous pictures of the detective badge--you have seen that badge
+printed in gold on the back of detective novels, no doubt it is a
+wide-staring eye, with the legend, "WE NEVER SLEEP."  When detectives
+called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an
+obsolete form of expression and said, "Will you have an eye-opener?"
+All the air was thick with sarcasms.
+
+But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it
+all.  It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector.  His brave eye never
+drooped, his serene confidence never wavered.  He always said:
+
+"Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last."
+
+My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship.  I was at his
+side always.  His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now
+became daily more and more so.  Yet if he could endure it I meant to do
+so also--at least, as long as I could.  So I came regularly, and stayed
+--the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it.  Everybody wondered
+how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but at such
+times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, and held
+my ground.
+
+About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say,
+one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the
+great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and
+masterly move.
+
+This was to compromise with the robbers.  The fertility of this man's
+invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide
+intercourse with the world's finest minds.  He said he was confident he
+could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the
+elephant.  I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what
+would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully?  He
+said:
+
+"In compromises they always get half."
+
+This removed my only objection.  So the inspector wrote two notes, in
+this form:
+
+     DEAR MADAM,--Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be
+     entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment
+     with me.                           Chief BLUNT.
+
+He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the "reputed wife"
+of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden.
+
+Within the hour these offensive answers came:
+
+     YE OWLD FOOL: brick Duffys bin ded 2 yere.
+                                        BRIDGET MAHONEY.
+
+     CHIEF BAT,--Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month.  Any Ass
+     but a detective know that.
+                                        MARY O'HOOLIGAN.
+
+"I had long suspected these facts," said the inspector; "this testimony
+proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct."
+
+The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another.  He
+immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a
+copy of it:
+
+     A.--xWhlv.  242 ht.  Tjnd--fz328wmlg.  Ozpo,--2 m!  2m!.  M! ogw.
+
+He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual
+rendezvous.  He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a glare
+where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were
+conducted.  This meeting would take place at twelve the next night.
+
+We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the
+office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege.
+
+At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in
+bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward he
+took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye.
+An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome
+tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him.  How his fine eyes
+flamed with triumph!  He said:
+
+"We've compromised!  The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow!
+Follow me!"
+
+He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement
+where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing
+cards to while the time.  I followed close after him.  He walked swiftly
+down to the dim and remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to
+the pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over
+the outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he
+went down:
+
+"Our noble profession is vindicated.  Here is your elephant!"
+
+I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid.  The
+whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant
+rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before.  The reporters were
+called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the
+handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic.
+Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so
+complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that it
+made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my
+priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to me
+through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a great
+trust.  Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the chief,
+and many a detective's voice murmured, "Look at him--just the king of the
+profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and there ain't
+anything hid that he can't find."  The dividing of the fifty thousand
+dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief made a little
+speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he said, "Enjoy it,
+boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've earned for the
+detective profession undying fame."
+
+A telegram arrived, which read:
+
+                         MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M.
+First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks.  Have
+followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand miles
+to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day.  Don't
+worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant.  This is dead sure.
+                         DARLEY, Detective.
+
+The chief ordered three cheers for "Darley, one of the finest minds on
+the force," and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and
+receive his share of the reward.
+
+So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant.  The newspapers
+were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one contemptible
+exception.  This sheet said, "Great is the detective!  He may be a little
+slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he may hunt him
+all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for three weeks, but
+he will find him at last if he can get the man who mislaid him to show
+him the place!"
+
+Poor Hassan was lost to me forever.  The cannonshots had wounded him
+fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there,
+surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had
+wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace.
+
+The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective
+expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a
+place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer on the
+earth but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest
+detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and
+will so remain unto the end.
+
+
+
+
+End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of The Stolen White Elephant,
+by Mark Twain
+
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