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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/3181-0.txt b/3181-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2247fae --- /dev/null +++ b/3181-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1327 @@ +The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain + +Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain (Samuel +Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost +no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use +it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this +eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Stolen White Elephant + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: August 19, 2006 [EBook #3181] +Last Updated: February 24, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT *** + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + +THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT + +by Mark Twain + + + + + [Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some + of the particulars had been exaggerated, and that others + were not true. Before these suspicions had been proven + groundless, the book had gone to press. --M. T.] + + + + + +I. + +The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway +acquaintance. He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his +thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted +the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his +lips. He said: + +You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by +the people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings +may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to +kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five +years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between +Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in +the wrong. Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British +representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be +forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token +of gratitude, but partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining +vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished +to send the Queen a present--the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy, +according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a royal +one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so meet +as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service was +such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the +present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and +the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived +in New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in +Jersey City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit the +animal's health before resuming the voyage. + +All went well during a fortnight--then my calamities began. The white +elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed +of this fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with +terror and anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected +my faculties. I soon saw my course--for, indeed, there was but the one +course for an intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to +New York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the +detective force. Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the +force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving +for his home. He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when +he was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his +forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with +the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common +order. The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful. +I stated my errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more +visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him +somebody had stolen my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly: + +“Allow me to think a moment, please.” + +So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon +his hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the +scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six +or seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought. +Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his +face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was +made. Said he--and his voice was low and impressive: + +“This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step +must be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be +observed--secrecy profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the +matter, not even the reporters. I will take care of them; I will see +that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know.” He +touched a bell; a youth appeared. “Alaric, tell the reporters to remain +for the present.” The boy retired. “Now let us proceed to business--and +systematically. Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine +without strict and minute method.” + +He took a pen and some paper. “Now--name of the elephant?” + +“Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moisé Alhammal +Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor.” + +“Very well. Given name?” + +“Jumbo.” + +“Very well. Place of birth?” + +“The capital city of Siam.” + +“Parents living?” + +“No--dead.” + +“Had they any other issue besides this one?” + +“None. He was an only child.” + +“Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now +please describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however +insignificant--that is, insignificant from your point of view. To men +in my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not +exist.” + +I described, he wrote. When I was done, he said: + +“Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me.” + +He read as follows: + +“Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead to insertion of tail, 26 +feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length, +including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 1/2 feet; ears +keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when +one up-ends a barrel in the snow; color of the elephant, a dull white; +has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry +and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon +spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he +is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his +right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a +former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen +persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary +carpet.” + +There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the +description to Alaric, and said: + +“Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to +every detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent.” Alaric +retired. “There--so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the +property.” + +I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said: + +“It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up +and tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to +mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position.” He +touched his bell. + +“Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first +thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars.” + +Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said: + +“It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the +amount?” + +“What sum would you suggest?” + +“To begin with, I should say--well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It +is an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of +escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and +pals everywhere--” + +“Bless me, do you know who they are?” + +The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within, +gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered: + +“Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a +pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and +the size of the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket +or a hall thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not +'lifted' by a novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of +travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the +thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five +thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to +start with that.” + +So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom +nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a +clue, said: + +“There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been +detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this +elephant eat, and how much?” + +“Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything. He will eat a man, he +will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible.” + +“Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary--details +are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well--as to men. At one +meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if +fresh?” + +“He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he +would eat five ordinary men.” + +“Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he +prefer?” + +“He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is +not prejudiced against strangers.” + +“Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?” + +“He would eat an entire edition.” + +“It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the +family illustrated?” + +“I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he +would not value illustrations above simple letterpress.” + +“No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible +weighs about two pounds and a half, while the great quarto with the +illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at +a meal?” + +“If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they +had.” + +“Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. The +Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled.” + +“He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of +five hundred copies.” + +“Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men +and Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want particulars.” + +“He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat +bottles, he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing +to eat cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to +eat ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, +he will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; +he will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will +leave oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing +whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that +if he could taste it.” + +“Very good. General quantity at a meal--say about--” + +“Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton.” + +“And he drinks--” + +“Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil, +camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever +fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is fluid, +except European coffee.” + +“Very good. As to quantity?” + +“Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other +appetites do not.” + +“These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward +tracing him.” + +He touched the bell. + +“Alaric; summon Captain Burns.” + +Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail +by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose +plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command: + +“Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and +Hackett to shadow the elephant.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and +Bartholomew to shadow the thieves.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of +thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep +strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except +reporters--without written authority from me.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry +depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to +search all suspicious persons.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description +of the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing +ferryboats and other vessels.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information +forwarded to me by telegraph.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found--footprints of +the animal, or anything of that kind.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages +vigilantly.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as +far as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen to all messages; +and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most +impenetrable secrecy.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Report to me promptly at the usual hour.” + +“Yes, Sir.” + +“Go!” + +“Yes, sir.” + +He was gone. + +Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in +his eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a +placid voice: + +“I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the +elephant.” + +I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I FELT my thanks, +too. The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I +admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession. +Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart +than I had carried with me to his office. + + + + + +II + +Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It +even had additions--consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and +Detective The Other's “Theory” as to how the robbery was done, who the +robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were +eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and +this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No +two theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one +striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were +absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was +torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been +removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet. +All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the +detectives. That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman, +perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what +I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in +fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories +all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers; +the total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven. The various +newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of +all--that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A portion of this statement read as +follows: + + + The chief knows who the two principals are, namely, “Brick” Duffy + and “Red” McFadden. Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was + already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded + to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night + in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again + the bird was flown--that is, the elephant. + + Duffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the + chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the + stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last + winter--in consequence of which the chief and every detective + present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some + with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other + members. + +When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at +the wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything +in the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden +from him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he +had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but +his reply was simple and unanswerable: + +“It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot +punish it until it is committed.” + +I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by +the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes +had been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these +would doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding. + +“Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will +descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of +fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame, reputation, +constant public mention--these are the detective's bread and butter. He +must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have none; he +must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking as a +detective's theory, or brings him so much wondering respect; we must +publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we +could not deny them without offending. We must constantly show the +public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing. It +is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's ingenious +and extraordinary theory is as follows,' than to have it say some harsh +thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one.” + +“I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your +remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion +upon a certain minor point.” + +“Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed +any opinion on that point, anyway.” + +I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet +current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the +telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the +newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our +twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to +detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would +catch the elephant. The inspector said: + +“It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will +go to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would +only be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and +indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to +the reward, after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the +men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort +of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble +upon a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits +and labors.” + +This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in +the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result: + + + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M. + Have got a clue. Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm + near here. Followed them two miles east without result; think + elephant went west. Shall now shadow him in that direction. + DARLEY, Detective. + +“Darley's one of the best men on the force,” said the inspector. “We +shall hear from him again before long.” + +Telegram No. 2 came: + + + BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M. + Just arrived. Glass factory broken open here during night, and + eight hundred bottles taken. Only water in large quantity near here + is five miles distant. Shall strike for there. Elephant will be + thirsty. Bottles were empty. + BAKER, Detective. + +“That promises well, too,” said the inspector. + +“I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues.” + +Telegram No. 3: + + + TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M. + A haystack near here disappeared during night. Probably eaten. + Have got a clue, and am off. + HUBBARD, Detective. + +“How he does move around!” said the inspector “I knew we had a difficult +job on hand, but we shall catch him yet.” + + + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M. + Shadowed the tracks three miles westward. Large, deep, and ragged. + Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks. Says + they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground + was frozen last winter. Give me orders how to proceed. + DARLEY, Detective. + +“Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm,” said the +inspector. + +He dictated the following telegram to Darley: + + + Arrest the man and force him to name his pals. Continue to follow + the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary. + Chief BLUNT. + +Next telegram: + + + CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M. + Gas office broken open here during night and three months' unpaid gas + bills taken. Have got a clue and am away. + MURPHY, Detective. + +“Heavens!” said the inspector; “would he eat gas bills?” + +“Through ignorance--yes; but they cannot support life. At least, +unassisted.” + +Now came this exciting telegram: + + + IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M. + Just arrived. This village in consternation. Elephant passed + through here at five this morning. Some say he went east some say + west, some north, some south--but all say they did not wait to + notice, particularly. He killed a horse; have secured a piece of it + for a clue. Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he + struck it left-handed. From position in which horse lies, think + elephant traveled northward along line of Berkley Railway. Has four + and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once. + HAWES, Detective + +I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a +graven image. He calmly touched his bell. + +“Alaric, send Captain Burns here.” + +Burns appeared. + +“How many men are ready for instant orders?” + +“Ninety-six, sir.” + +“Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the +Berkley road north of Ironville.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as +others are at liberty, hold them for orders.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +“Go!” + +“Yes, sir.” + +Presently came another telegram: + + + SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through here at 8.15. All escaped + from the town but a policeman. Apparently elephant did not strike + at policeman, but at the lamp-post. Got both. I have secured a + portion of the policeman as clue. + STUMM, Detective. + +“So the elephant has turned westward,” said the inspector. “However, he +will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region.” + +The next telegram said: + + + GLOVER'S, 11.15 +Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed +through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting +was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with +water from cistern. Some swallowed it--since dead; several drowned. +Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but +going south--so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in +terror--people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet +elephant, and many are killed. BRANT, Detective. + +I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector +only said: + +“You see--we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has turned +eastward again.” + +Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought +this: + + + HOGANSPORT, 12.19. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating + wildest fright and excitement. Elephant raged around streets; two + plumbers going by, killed one--other escaped. Regret general. + O'FLAHERTY, Detective. + +“Now he is right in the midst of my men,” said the inspector. “Nothing +can save him.” + +A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered +through New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues +consisting of ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, +with high hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector +said: + +“I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that +is impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his +report; then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand +on him.” + +Now came this despatch: + + + BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15. + Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using + elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives + find him. Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate + answer. + BOGGS, Detective. + +“That is perfectly absurd!” I exclaimed. + +“Of course it is,” said the inspector. “Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks +he is so sharp, does not know me--but I know him.” + +Then he dictated this answer to the despatch: + + + Mr. Barnum's offer declined. Make it $7,000 or nothing. + Chief BLUNT. + +“There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is +not at home; he is in the telegraph office--it is his way when he has +business on hand. Inside of three--” + + + Done.--P. T. BARNUM. + +So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could +make a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch +carried my thoughts into another and very distressing channel: + + + BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50. + Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the + forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing + the mourners by two. Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into + him, and then fled. Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes + later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints, + and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right + trail and followed it to the woods. We then got down on our hands + and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so + shadowed it into the brush. Burke was in advance. Unfortunately + the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head + down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind + legs before he was aware of his vicinity. Burke instantly arose to + his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, “I claim the + re--” but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid + the brave fellow's fragments low in death. I fled rearward, and the + elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making + tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that + the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and + diverted his attention. I have just learned that nothing of that + funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of + material for another. Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again. + MULROONEY, Detective. + +We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives +scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia--who +were all following fresh and encouraging clues--until shortly after 2 +P.M., when this telegram came: + + + BAXTER CENTER, 2.15. + Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, and he broke + up a revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of + entering upon a better life. Citizens penned him up and established + a guard. When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we + entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph + and description. All marks tallied exactly except one, which we + could not see--the boil-scar under armpit. To make sure, Brown + crept under to look, and was immediately brained--that is, head + crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris. All fled + so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect. Has + escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds. Rediscovery + certain. He broke southward, through a dense forest. + BRENT, Detective. + +That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so +dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This +lasted all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop +running. + + + + + +III + +Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before; +they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more +which they had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column +after column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring +head-lines, which it made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was +like this: + + + THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE! HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH! WHOLE + VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS! PALE TERROR + GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER! AFTER THESE, + THE DETECTIVES! BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS + DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF + CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE! THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST + DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCE! THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT! + +“There!” said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, “this +is magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective +organization ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the +earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it.” + +But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red +crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how +the list had grown! In one place he had “interfered with an election and +killed five repeaters.” He had followed this act with the destruction +of two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, who had “found a +refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, +and were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right +of American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless +hand of the Scourge of Siam.” In another, he had “found a crazy +sensation-preacher preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the +dance, the theater, and other things which can't strike back, and +had stepped on him.” And in still another place he had “killed a +lightning-rod agent.” And so the list went on, growing redder and +redder, and more and more heartbreaking. Sixty persons had been killed, +and two hundred and forty wounded. All the accounts bore just testimony +to the activity and devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the +remark that “three hundred thousand citizens and four detectives saw the +dread creature, and two of the latter he destroyed.” + +I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again. By +and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed in +their nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant +was lost. The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place +unobserved. Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported +that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and +such an hour, and was “undoubtedly the elephant.” This dim vast mass had +been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior +New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But +in all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace. +Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of +country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a +clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it. + +But the day passed without other result. + +The next day the same. + +The next just the same. + +The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted +to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly +exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle. + +By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward. + +Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor, +hard-working detectives--the journalists declined to print their +theories, and coldly said, “Give us a rest.” + +Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to +seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice. It was a great +sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune +than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in +adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most +stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they +dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in +the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives +scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their +backs, stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of +ridiculous pictures of the detective badge--you have seen that badge +printed in gold on the back of detective novels no doubt, it is a +wide-staring eye, with the legend, “WE NEVER SLEEP.” When detectives +called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an +obsolete form of expression and said, “Will you have an eye-opener?” All +the air was thick with sarcasms. + +But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it +all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never +drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said: + +“Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last.” + +My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his +side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now +became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to +do so also--at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and +stayed--the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody +wondered how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but +at such times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, +and held my ground. + +About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say, +one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the +great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and +masterly move. + +This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man's +invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide +intercourse with the world's finest minds. He said he was confident +he could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the +elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what +would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He +said: + +“In compromises they always get half.” + +This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in +this form: + + + DEAR MADAM,--Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be + entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment + with me. Chief BLUNT. + +He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the “reputed wife” + of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden. + +Within the hour these offensive answers came: + + + YE OWLD FOOL: brick McDuffys bin ded 2 yere. + BRIDGET MAHONEY. + + CHIEF BAT,--Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month. Any Ass + but a detective know that. + MARY O'HOOLIGAN. + +“I had long suspected these facts,” said the inspector; “this testimony +proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct.” + +The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He +immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a +copy of it: + + + A.--xwblv.242 N. Tjnd--fz328wmlg. Ozpo,--; 2m! ogw. Mum + +He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual +rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a +place where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were +conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night. + +We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the +office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege. + +At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in +bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward +he took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye. +An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome +tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes +flamed with triumph! He said: + +“We've compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow! +Follow me!” + +He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement +where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing +cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly +down to the dim remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to the +pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over the +outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he went +down: + +“Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!” + +I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The +whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant +rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were +called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the +handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic. +Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so +complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that +it made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my +priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to +me through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a +great trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the +chief, and many a detective's voice murmured, “Look at him--just the +king of the profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and +there ain't anything hid that he can't find.” The dividing of the fifty +thousand dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief +made a little speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he +said, “Enjoy it, boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've +earned for the detective profession undying fame.” + +A telegram arrived, which read: + + + MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M. +First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have +followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand +miles to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day. +Don't worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant. This is dead +sure. DARLEY, Detective. + +The chief ordered three cheers for “Darley, one of the finest minds on +the force,” and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and +receive his share of the reward. + +So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers +were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one +contemptible exception. This sheet said, “Great is the detective! He may +be a little slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he +may hunt him all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for +three weeks, but he will find him at last if he can get the man who +mislaid him to show him the place!” + +Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him +fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there, +surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had +wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace. + +The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective +expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a +place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer in the +earth, but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest +detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and +will so remain unto the end. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Stolen White Elephant by Mark +Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT *** + +***** This file should be named 3181-0.htm or 3181-0.zip ***** This and +all associated files of various formats will be found in: https://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/8/3181/ + +Produced by David Widger + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will be +renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no one +owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and +you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission +and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Stolen White Elephant + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: August 19, 2006 [EBook #3181] +Last Updated: February 24, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT *** + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + +</pre> + + <h1> + THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + by Mark Twain + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + [Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some + of the particulars had been exaggerated, and that others + were not true. Before these suspicions had been proven + groundless, the book had gone to press. —M. T.] +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> III </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I. + </h2> + <p> + The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway + acquaintance. He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his + thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted + the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his + lips. He said: + </p> + <p> + You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by the + people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings may + possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to kings, + since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five years ago, + when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between Great Britain + and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in the wrong. + Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British + representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be + forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token + of gratitude, but partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining + vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished + to send the Queen a present—the sole sure way of propitiating an + enemy, according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a + royal one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so + meet as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service + was such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the + present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and + the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived in + New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in Jersey + City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit the animal's + health before resuming the voyage. + </p> + <p> + All went well during a fortnight—then my calamities began. The white + elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed of this + fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with terror and + anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected my faculties. I + soon saw my course—for, indeed, there was but the one course for an + intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to New York and got a + policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the detective force. + Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the force, the + celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving for his home. + He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when he was thinking + deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his forehead + reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with the + conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common order. + The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful. I stated my + errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more visible effect + upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him somebody had stolen + my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly: + </p> + <p> + “Allow me to think a moment, please.” + </p> + <p> + So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon his + hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the + scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six or + seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought. + Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his + face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was + made. Said he—and his voice was low and impressive: + </p> + <p> + “This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step must + be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be observed—secrecy + profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the matter, not even the + reporters. I will take care of them; I will see that they get only what it + may suit my ends to let them know.” He touched a bell; a youth appeared. + “Alaric, tell the reporters to remain for the present.” The boy retired. + “Now let us proceed to business—and systematically. Nothing can be + accomplished in this trade of mine without strict and minute method.” + </p> + <p> + He took a pen and some paper. “Now—name of the elephant?” + </p> + <p> + “Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Mois Alhammal Jamsetjejeebhoy + Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well. Given name?” + </p> + <p> + “Jumbo.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well. Place of birth?” + </p> + <p> + “The capital city of Siam.” + </p> + <p> + “Parents living?” + </p> + <p> + “No—dead.” + </p> + <p> + “Had they any other issue besides this one?” + </p> + <p> + “None. He was an only child.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now please + describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however insignificant—that + is, insignificant from your point of view. To men in my profession there + are no insignificant particulars; they do not exist.” + </p> + <p> + I described, he wrote. When I was done, he said: + </p> + <p> + “Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me.” + </p> + <p> + He read as follows: + </p> + <p> + “Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead to insertion of tail, 26 + feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length, + including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 1/2 feet ; ears + keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when one + up-ends a barrel in the snow; color of the elephant, a dull white; has a + hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry and + possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon + spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he + is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his + right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a former + boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen persons, + and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary carpet.” + </p> + <p> + There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the + description to Alaric, and said: + </p> + <p> + “Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to every + detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent.” Alaric retired. + “There—so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the + property.” + </p> + <p> + I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said: + </p> + <p> + “It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up and + tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to mislead, + for of course he does not usually have it in that position.” He touched + his bell. + </p> + <p> + “Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first + thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars.” + </p> + <p> + Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said: + </p> + <p> + “It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the amount?” + </p> + <p> + “What sum would you suggest?” + </p> + <p> + “To begin with, I should say—well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It + is an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of + escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and + pals everywhere—” + </p> + <p> + “Bless me, do you know who they are?” + </p> + <p> + The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within, + gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered: + </p> + <p> + “Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a pretty + shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and the size of + the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket or a hall + thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not 'lifted' by a + novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of travel which will + have to be done, and the diligence with which the thieves will cover up + their traces as they move along, twenty-five thousand may be too small a + sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to start with that.” + </p> + <p> + So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom + nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a clue, + said: + </p> + <p> + “There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been + detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this + elephant eat, and how much?” + </p> + <p> + “Well, as to what he eats—he will eat anything. He will eat a man, + he will eat a Bible—he will eat anything between a man and a Bible.” + </p> + <p> + “Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary—details + are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well—as to men. At + one meal—or, if you prefer, during one day—how man men will he + eat, if fresh?” + </p> + <p> + “He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he + would eat five ordinary men.” + </p> + <p> + “Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he + prefer?” + </p> + <p> + “He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is + not prejudiced against strangers.” + </p> + <p> + “Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?” + </p> + <p> + “He would eat an entire edition.” + </p> + <p> + “It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the + family illustrated?” + </p> + <p> + “I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he + would not value illustrations above simple letterpress.” + </p> + <p> + “No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible + weighs about two pounds and a half, while the great quarto with the + illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at a + meal?” + </p> + <p> + “If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they + had.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. The + Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled.” + </p> + <p> + “He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth—say an edition + of five hundred copies.” + </p> + <p> + “Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men and + Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want particulars.” + </p> + <p> + “He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles, + he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat cats, + he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat ham, he + will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he will leave + pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he will leave + bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave oats to eat + rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing whatever that he + will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that if he could taste + it.” + </p> + <p> + “Very good. General quantity at a meal—say about—” + </p> + <p> + “Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton.” + </p> + <p> + “And he drinks—” + </p> + <p> + “Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil, + camphene, carbolic acid—it is no use to go into particulars; + whatever fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is + fluid, except European coffee.” + </p> + <p> + “Very good. As to quantity?” + </p> + <p> + “Put it down five to fifteen barrels—his thirst varies; his other + appetites do not.” + </p> + <p> + “These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward + tracing him.” + </p> + <p> + He touched the bell. + </p> + <p> + “Alaric; summon Captain Burns.” + </p> + <p> + Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail + by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose plans + are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command: + </p> + <p> + “Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and Hackett + to shadow the elephant.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and + Bartholomew to shadow the thieves.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Place a strong guard—A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of + thirty—over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep + strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach—except + reporters—without written authority from me.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry + depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to + search all suspicious persons.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description of the + elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing ferryboats + and other vessels.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information + forwarded to me by telegraph.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found—footprints + of the animal, or anything of that kind.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages + vigilantly.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far + as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen to all messages; and + let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy—mind, the + most impenetrable secrecy.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Report to me promptly at the usual hour.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, Sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Go!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + He was gone. + </p> + <p> + Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in his + eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a placid + voice: + </p> + <p> + “I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but—we shall find + the elephant.” + </p> + <p> + I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I FELT my thanks, too. + The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I admired + him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession. Then we + parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart than I had + carried with me to his office. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II + </h2> + <p> + Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It even + had additions—consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and + Detective The Other's “Theory” as to how the robbery was done, who the + robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were + eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and this + single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No two + theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one + striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were + absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was + torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been + removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet. All + agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the detectives. + That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman, perhaps, but + it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what I had supposed + was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in fact the very thing + I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories all named the supposed + robbers, but no two named the same robbers; the total number of suspected + persons was thirty-seven. The various newspaper accounts all closed with + the most important opinion of all—that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A + portion of this statement read as follows: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + The chief knows who the two principals are, namely, “Brick” Duffy + and “Red” McFadden. Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was + already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded + to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night + in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again + the bird was flown—that is, the elephant. + + Duffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the + chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the + stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last + winter—in consequence of which the chief and every detective + present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some + with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other + members. +</pre> + <p> + When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at the + wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything in the + present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden from + him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he had + had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but his + reply was simple and unanswerable: + </p> + <p> + “It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot + punish it until it is committed.” + </p> + <p> + I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by the + newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes had been + revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these would + doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding. + </p> + <p> + “Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will + descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of + fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame, reputation, + constant public mention—these are the detective's bread and butter. + He must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have none; he must + publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking as a detective's + theory, or brings him so much wondering respect; we must publish our + plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we could not deny + them without offending. We must constantly show the public what we are + doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing. It is much pleasanter to + have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's ingenious and extraordinary + theory is as follows,' than to have it say some harsh thing, or, worse + still, some sarcastic one.” + </p> + <p> + “I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your + remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion upon + a certain minor point.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed + any opinion on that point, anyway.” + </p> + <p> + I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet + current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the + telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the + newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our + twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to + detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would + catch the elephant. The inspector said: + </p> + <p> + “It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will go + to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would only be by + watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and indications + stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to the reward, + after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the men who + deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort of work, + and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon a capture + without having earned the benefits by their own merits and labors.” + </p> + <p> + This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in the + corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M. + Have got a clue. Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm + near here. Followed them two miles east without result; think + elephant went west. Shall now shadow him in that direction. + DARLEY, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “Darley's one of the best men on the force,” said the inspector. “We shall + hear from him again before long.” + </p> + <p> + Telegram No. 2 came: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M. + Just arrived. Glass factory broken open here during night, and + eight hundred bottles taken. Only water in large quantity near here + is five miles distant. Shall strike for there. Elephant will be + thirsty. Bottles were empty. + BAKER, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “That promises well, too,” said the inspector. + </p> + <p> + “I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues.” + </p> + <p> + Telegram No. 3: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M. + A haystack near here disappeared during night. Probably eaten. + Have got a clue, and am off. + HUBBARD, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “How he does move around!” said the inspector “I knew we had a difficult + job on hand, but we shall catch him yet.” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M. + Shadowed the tracks three miles westward. Large, deep, and ragged. + Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks. Says + they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground + was frozen last winter. Give me orders how to proceed. + DARLEY, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm,” said the + inspector. + </p> + <p> + He dictated the following telegram to Darley: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Arrest the man and force him to name his pals. Continue to follow + the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary. + Chief BLUNT. +</pre> + <p> + Next telegram: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M. + Gas office broken open here during night and three months' unpaid gas + bills taken. Have got a clue and am away. + MURPHY, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “Heavens!” said the inspector; “would he eat gas bills?” + </p> + <p> + “Through ignorance—yes; but they cannot support life. At least, + unassisted.” + </p> + <p> + Now came this exciting telegram: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M. + Just arrived. This village in consternation. Elephant passed + through here at five this morning. Some say he went east some say + west, some north, some south—but all say they did not wait to + notice, particularly. He killed a horse; have secured a piece of it + for a clue. Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he + struck it left-handed. From position in which horse lies, think + elephant traveled northward along line of Berkley Railway. Has four + and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once. + HAWES, Detective +</pre> + <p> + I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a + graven image. He calmly touched his bell. + </p> + <p> + “Alaric, send Captain Burns here.” + </p> + <p> + Burns appeared. + </p> + <p> + “How many men are ready for instant orders?” + </p> + <p> + “Ninety-six, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the + Berkley road north of Ironville.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as + others are at liberty, hold them for orders.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Go!” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Presently came another telegram: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through here at 8.15. All escaped + from the town but a policeman. Apparently elephant did not strike + at policeman, but at the lamp-post. Got both. I have secured a + portion of the policeman as clue. + STUMM, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “So the elephant has turned westward,” said the inspector. “However, he + will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region.” + </p> + <p> + The next telegram said: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + GLOVER'S, 11.15 +Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed +through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting +was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with +water from cistern. Some swallowed it—since dead; several drowned. +Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but +going south—so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in +terror—people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet +elephant, and many are killed. BRANT, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector + only said: + </p> + <p> + “You see—we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has + turned eastward again.” + </p> + <p> + Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought + this: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + HOGANSPORT, 12.19. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating + wildest fright and excitement. Elephant raged around streets; two + plumbers going by, killed one—other escaped. Regret general. + O'FLAHERTY, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “Now he is right in the midst of my men,” said the inspector. “Nothing can + save him.” + </p> + <p> + A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through + New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of + ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, with high + hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector said: + </p> + <p> + “I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that is + impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his report; + then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand on him.” + </p> + <p> + Now came this despatch: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15. + Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using + elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives + find him. Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate + answer. + BOGGS, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + “That is perfectly absurd!” I exclaimed. + </p> + <p> + “Of course it is,” said the inspector. “Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks + he is so sharp, does not know me—but I know him.” + </p> + <p> + Then he dictated this answer to the despatch: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Mr. Barnum's offer declined. Make it $7,000 or nothing. + Chief BLUNT. +</pre> + <p> + “There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is not at + home; he is in the telegraph office—it is his way when he has + business on hand. Inside of three—” + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Done.—P. T. BARNUM. +</pre> + <p> + So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could make a + comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch carried my + thoughts into another and very distressing channel: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50. + Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the + forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing + the mourners by two. Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into + him, and then fled. Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes + later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints, + and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right + trail and followed it to the woods. We then got down on our hands + and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so + shadowed it into the brush. Burke was in advance. Unfortunately + the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head + down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind + legs before he was aware of his vicinity. Burke instantly arose to + his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, “I claim the + re—” but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid + the brave fellow's fragments low in death. I fled rearward, and the + elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making + tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that + the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and + diverted his attention. I have just learned that nothing of that + funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of + material for another. Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again. + MULROONEY, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives + scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia—who + were all following fresh and encouraging clues—until shortly after 2 + P.M., when this telegram came: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + BAXTER CENTER, 2.15. + Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, and he broke up a + revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of + entering upon a better life. Citizens penned him up and established + a guard. When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we + entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph + and description. All marks tallied exactly except one, which we + could not see—the boil-scar under armpit. To make sure, Brown + crept under to look, and was immediately brained—that is, head + crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris. All fled + so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect. Has + escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds. Rediscovery + certain. He broke southward, through a dense forest. + BRENT, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so + dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This lasted + all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop running. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III + </h2> + <p> + Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before; they + had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more which they + had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column after column + was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring head-lines, which it + made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was like this: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE! HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH! WHOLE + VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS! PALE TERROR + GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER! AFTER THESE, + THE DETECTIVES! BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS + DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF + CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE! THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST + DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCE! THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT! +</pre> + <p> + “There!” said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, “this is + magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective organization + ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the earth, and endure + to the end of time, and my name with it.” + </p> + <p> + But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red + crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how the + list had grown! In one place he had “interfered with an election and + killed five repeaters.” He had followed this act with the destruction of + two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, who had “found a refuge + in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, and were in + the act of exercising for the first time the noble right of American + citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless hand of the + Scourge of Siam.” In another, he had “found a crazy sensation-preacher + preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the dance, the theater, and + other things which can't strike back, and had stepped on him.” And in + still another place he had “killed a lightning-rod agent.” And so the list + went on, growing redder and redder, and more and more heartbreaking. Sixty + persons had been killed, and two hundred and forty wounded. All the + accounts bore just testimony to the activity and devotion of the + detectives, and all closed with the remark that “three hundred thousand + citizens and four detectives saw the dread creature, and two of the latter + he destroyed.” + </p> + <p> + I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again. By and + by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed in their + nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant was lost. The + fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place unobserved. + Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported that a dim vast + mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and such an hour, and + was “undoubtedly the elephant.” This dim vast mass had been glimpsed in + New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior New York, in + Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But in all cases the + dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace. Every detective of + the large force scattered over this huge extent of country sent his hourly + report, and each and every one of them had a clue, and was shadowing + something, and was hot upon the heels of it. + </p> + <p> + But the day passed without other result. + </p> + <p> + The next day the same. + </p> + <p> + The next just the same. + </p> + <p> + The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted to + nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly + exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle. + </p> + <p> + By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward. + </p> + <p> + Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor, + hard-working detectives—the journalists declined to print their + theories, and coldly said, “Give us a rest.” + </p> + <p> + Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to + seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice. It was a great + sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune + than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in + adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most + stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they + dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in + the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives + scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their backs, + stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of ridiculous + pictures of the detective badge—you have seen that badge printed in + gold on the back of detective novels no doubt, it is a wide-staring eye, + with the legend, “WE NEVER SLEEP.” When detectives called for a drink, the + would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an obsolete form of expression + and said, “Will you have an eye-opener?” All the air was thick with + sarcasms. + </p> + <p> + But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it + all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never + drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said: + </p> + <p> + “Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last.” + </p> + <p> + My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his + side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now + became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to do so + also—at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and stayed—the + only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody wondered how I + could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but at such times I + looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, and held my ground. + </p> + <p> + About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say, + one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the + great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and + masterly move. + </p> + <p> + This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man's + invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide + intercourse with the world's finest minds. He said he was confident he + could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the + elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what + would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He said: + </p> + <p> + “In compromises they always get half.” + </p> + <p> + This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in this + form: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + DEAR MADAM,—Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be + entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment + with me. Chief BLUNT. +</pre> + <p> + He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the “reputed wife” + of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden. + </p> + <p> + Within the hour these offensive answers came: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + YE OWLD FOOL: brick McDuffys bin ded 2 yere. + BRIDGET MAHONEY. + + CHIEF BAT,—Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month. Any Ass + but a detective know that. + MARY O'HOOLIGAN. +</pre> + <p> + “I had long suspected these facts,” said the inspector; “this testimony + proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct.” + </p> + <p> + The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He + immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a + copy of it: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> +A.—xwblv.242 N. Tjnd—fz328wmlg. Ozpo,—; 2m! ogw. Mum +</pre> + <p> + He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual + rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a place + where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were + conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night. + </p> + <p> + We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the + office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege. + </p> + <p> + At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in + bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward he + took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye. An + almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome + tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes flamed + with triumph! He said: + </p> + <p> + “We've compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow! + Follow me!” + </p> + <p> + He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement + where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing + cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly + down to the dim remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to the + pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over the + outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he went + down: + </p> + <p> + “Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!” + </p> + <p> + I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The + whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant + rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were + called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the + handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic. + Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so + complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that it + made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my + priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to me + through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a great + trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the chief, + and many a detective's voice murmured, “Look at him—just the king of + the profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and there ain't + anything hid that he can't find.” The dividing of the fifty thousand + dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief made a little + speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he said, “Enjoy it, + boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've earned for the + detective profession undying fame.” + </p> + <p> + A telegram arrived, which read: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M. +First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have +followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand +miles to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day. +Don't worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant. This is dead +sure. DARLEY, Detective. +</pre> + <p> + The chief ordered three cheers for “Darley, one of the finest minds on the + force,” and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and receive + his share of the reward. + </p> + <p> + So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers + were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one contemptible + exception. This sheet said, “Great is the detective! He may be a little + slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he may hunt him all + day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for three weeks, but he + will find him at last if he can get the man who mislaid him to show him + the place!” + </p> + <p> + Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him + fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there, + surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had + wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace. + </p> + <p> + The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective expenses + were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a place again + under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer in the earth, but my + admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest detective the + world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and will so remain + unto the end. + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Stolen White Elephant +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT *** + +***** This file should be named 3181-h.htm or 3181-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/8/3181/ + +Produced by David Widger + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.12.12.00*END* + + + + + +This etext was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net> + + + + + +The Stolen White Elephant + +by Mark Twain + + + + +[Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some of the +particulars had been exaggerated, and that others were not true. Before +these suspicions had been proven groundless, the book had gone to press. +--M.T.] + + + + +The following curious history was related to me by a chance railway +acquaintance. He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his +thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted +the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his +lips. He said: + +You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by +the people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings +may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to +kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five +years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between +Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in +the wrong. Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British +representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be +forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token +of gratitude, partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining +vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished +to send the Queen a present--the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy, +according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a royal +one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so meet +as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service was +such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the +present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and +the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived in +New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in +Jersey City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit, the +animal's health before resuming the voyage. + +All went well during a fortnight--then my calamities began. The white +elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed of +this fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with +terror and anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected my +faculties. I soon saw my course--for, indeed, there was but the one; +course for an intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to New +York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the +detective force. Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the +force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving +for his home. He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when he +was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his +forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with +the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common +order. The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful. +I stated my errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more +visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him +somebody had stolen my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly: + +"Allow me to think a moment, please." + +So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon his +hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the +scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six or +seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought. +Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his +face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was +made. Said he--and his voice was low and impressive: + +"This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step +must be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be +observed--secrecy profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the +matter, not even the reporters. I will take care of them; I will see +that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know." He +touched a bell; a youth appeared. "Alaric, tell the reporters to remain +for the present." The boy retired. "Now let us proceed to business--and +systematically. Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine +without strict and minute method." + +He took a pen and some paper. "Now--name of the elephant?" + +"Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moist Alhammal +Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor." + +"Very well. Given name?" + +"Jumbo." + +"Very well. Place of birth?" + +"The capital city of Siam." + +"Parents living?" + +"No--dead." + +"Had they any other issue besides this one?" + +"None. He was an only child." + +"Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now please +describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however +insignificant--that is, insignificant from your point of view. To me in +my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not exist." + +I described he wrote. When I was done, he said: + +"Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me." + +He read as follows: + +"Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead insertion of tail, 26 +feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length, +including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 feet; ears +keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when one +up-ends a barrel in the snow; the color of the elephant, a dull white; +has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry +and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon +spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he +is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his +right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a +former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen +persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary carpet." + +There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the +description to Alaric, and said: + +"Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to every +detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent." Alaric +retired. "There--so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the +property." + +I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said: + +"It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up +and tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to +mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position." +He touched his bell. + +"Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first +thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars." + +Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said: + +"It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the +amount?" + +"What sum would you suggest?" + +"To begin with, I should say--well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It is +an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of +escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and +pals everywhere--" + +"Bless me, do you know who they are?" + +The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within, +gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered: + +"Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a +pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and the +size of the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket or +a hall thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not +'lifted' by a novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of +travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the +thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five +thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to +start with that." + +So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom +nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a +clue, said: + +"There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been +detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this +elephant eat, and how much?" + +"Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything. He will eat a man, he +will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible." + +"Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary--details +are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well--as to men. At one +meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if +fresh?" + +"He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he +would eat five ordinary men. + +"Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he +prefer?" + +"He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is +not prejudiced against strangers." + +"Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?" + +"He would eat an entire edition." + +"It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the +family illustrated?" + +"I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he +would not value illustrations above simple letterpress." + +"No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible +weighs about two pound; and a half, while the great quarto with the +illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at +a meal?" + +"If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they +had." + +"Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. +The Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled." + +"He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of +five hundred copies." + +"Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men +and Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want +particulars." + +"He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles, +he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat +cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat +ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he +will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he +will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave +oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing +whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that +if he could taste it." + +"Very good. General quantity at a meal--say about--" + +"Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton." + +"And he drinks--" + +"Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil, +camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever +fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is fluid, +except European coffee." + +"Very good. As to quantity?" + +"Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other +appetites do not." + +"These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward +tracing him." + +He touched the bell. + +"Alaric; summon Captain Burns." + +Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail +by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose +plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command: + +"Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and +Hackett to shadow the elephant." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and +Bartholomew to shadow the thieves." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of +thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep +strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except +reporters--without written authority from me." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry +depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to +search all suspicious persons." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description of +the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing +ferryboats and other vessels." + +"Yes, sir." + +"If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information +forwarded to me by telegraph." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found footprints of +the animal, or anything of that kind." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages +vigilantly." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far +as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen in to all messages; +and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most +impenetrable secrecy." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Report to me promptly at the usual hour." + +"Yes, Sir." + +"Go!" + +"Yes, sir." + +He was gone. + +Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in his +eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a placid +voice: + +"I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the +elephant." + +I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I felt my thanks, +too. The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I +admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession. +Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart +than I had carried with me to his office. + + +II + +Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It +even had additions--consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and +Detective The Other's "Theory" as to how the robbery was done, who the +robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were +eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and +this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No two +theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one +striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were +absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was +torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been +removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet. +All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the +detectives. That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman, +perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what +I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in +fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories +all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers; the +total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven. The various +newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of all-- +that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A portion of this statement read as +follows: + + The chief knows who the two principals are, namely," Brick" Daffy + and "Red" McFadden. Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was + already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded + to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night + in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again + the bird was flown--that is, the elephant. + + Daffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the + chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the + stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last + winter--in consequence of which the chief and every detective + present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some + with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other + members. + +When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at the +wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything in +the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden +from him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he +had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but +his reply was simple and unanswerable: + +"It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot +punish it until it is committed." + +I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by +the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes had +been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these would +doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding. + +"Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will +descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of +fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame, +reputation, constant public mention--these are the detective's bread and +butter. He must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have +none; he must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking +as a detective's theory, or brings him so much wonderful respect; we must +publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we +could not deny them without offending. We must constantly show the +public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing. +It is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's +ingenious and extraordinary theory is as follows,' than to have it say +some harsh thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one." + +"I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your +remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion +upon a certain minor point." + +"Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed +any opinion on that point, anyway." + +I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet +current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the +telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the +newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our +twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to +detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would +catch the elephant. The inspector said: + +"It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will +go to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would only +be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and +indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to +the reward, after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the +men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort +of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon +a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits and +labors." + +This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in +the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result: + + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M. + Have got a clue. Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm + near here. Followed them two miles east without result; think + elephant went west. Shall now shadow him in that direction. + DARLEY, Detective. + +"Darley's one of the best men on the force," said the inspector. "We +shall hear from him again before long." + +Telegram No. 2 came: + + BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M. + Just arrived. Glass factory broken open here during night, and + eight hundred bottles taken. Only water in large quantity near here + is five miles distant. Shall strike for there. Elephant will be + thirsty. Bottles were empty. + DARLEY, Detective. + +"That promises well, too," said the inspector. + +I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues." + +Telegram No. 3: + + TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M. + A haystack near here disappeared during night. Probably eaten. + Have got a clue, and am off. + HUBBARD, Detective. + +"How he does move around!" said the inspector "I knew we had a difficult +job on hand, but we shall catch him yet." + + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M. + Shadowed the tracks three miles westward. Large, deep, and ragged. + Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks. Says + they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground + was frozen last winter. Give me orders how to proceed. + DARLEY, Detective. + +"Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm," said the +inspector. + +He dictated the following telegram to Darley: + + Arrest the man and force him to name his pals. Continue to follow + the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary. + Chief BLUNT. + +Next telegram: + + CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M. + Gas office broken open here during night and three month; unpaid gas + bills taken. Have got a clue and am away. + MURPHY, Detective. + +"Heavens!" said the inspector; "would he eat gas bills?" + +"Through ignorance--yes; but they cannot support life. At least, +unassisted." + +Now came this exciting telegram: + + IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M. + Just arrived. This village in consternation. Elephant passed + through here at five this morning. Some say he went east some say + west, some north, some south--but all say they did not wait to + notice, particularly. He killed a horse; have secure a piece of it + for a clue. Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he + struck it left-handed. From position in which horse lies, think + elephant traveled northward along line Berkley Railway. Has four + and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once. + HAWES, Detective + +I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a +graven image. He calmly touched his bell. + +"Alaric, send Captain Burns here." + +Burns appeared. + +"How many men are ready for instant orders?" + +"Ninety-six, sir." + +"Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the +Berkley road north of Ironville." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as +others are at liberty, hold them for orders." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Go!" + +"Yes, sir." + +Presently came another telegram: + + SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through here at 8.15. All escaped + from the town but a policeman. Apparently elephant did not strike + at policeman, but at the lamp-post. Got both. I have secured a + portion of the policeman as clue. + STUMM, Detective. + +"So the elephant has turned westward," said the inspector. "However, he +will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region." + +The next telegram said: + + GLOVER'S, 11.15 +Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed +through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting +was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with +water from cistern. Some swallowed it--since dead; several drowned. +Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but going +south--so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in terror- +-people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet elephant, +and many are killed. + BRANT, Detective. + +I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector +only said: + +"You see--we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has turned +eastward again." + +Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought +this: + + HOGANSPORT, 12.19. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating + wildest fright and excitement. Elephant raged around streets; two + plumbers going by, killed one--other escaped. Regret general. + O'FLAHERTY, Detective. + +"Now he is right in the midst of my men," said the inspector. "Nothing +can save him." + +A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through +New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of +ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, with high +hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector said: + +"I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that is +impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his +report; then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand +on him." + +Now came this despatch: + + BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15. + Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using + elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives + find him. Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate + answer. + BOGGS, Detective. + +"That is perfectly absurd!" I exclaimed. + +"Of course it is," said the inspector. "Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks +he is so sharp, does not know me--but I know him." + +Then he dictated this answer to the despatch: + + Mr. Barnum's offer declined. Make it $7,000 or nothing. + Chief BLUNT. + +"There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is +not at home; he is in the telegraph office--it is his way when he has +business on hand. Inside of three--" + + Done.--P. T. BARNUM. + +So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could make +a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch carried +my thoughts into another and very distressing channel: + + BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50. + Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the + forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing + the mourners by two. Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into + him, and they fled. Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes + later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints, + and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right + trail and followed it to the woods. We then got down on our hands + and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so + shadowed it into the brush. Burke was in advance. Unfortunately + the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head + down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind + legs before he was aware of his vicinity. Burke instantly arose to + his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, "I claim the re- + -" but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid the + brave fellow's fragments low in death. I fled rearward, and the + elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making + tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that + the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and + diverted his attention. I have just learned that nothing of that + funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of + material for another. Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again. + MULROONEY, Detective. + +We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives +scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia--who +were all following fresh and encouraging clues--until shortly after +2 P.M., when this telegram came: + + BAXTER CENTER, 2.15. + Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, any broke up a + revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of + entering upon a better life. Citizens penned him up and established + a guard. When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we + entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph + and description. All masks tallied exactly except one, which we + could not see--the boil-scar under armpit. To make sure, Brown + crept under to look, and was immediately brained--that is, head + crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris. All fled + so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect. He + escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds. Rediscovery + certain. He broke southward, through a dense forest. + BRENT, Detective. + +That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so +dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This +lasted all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop +running. + + + +III + +Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before; +they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more which +they had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column after +column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring head-lines, +which it made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was like this: + + THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE! HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH WHOLE + VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS! PALE TERROR + GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER! AFTER THESE, + THE DETECTIVES! BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS + DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF + CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE! THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST + DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCES! THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT! + +"There!" said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, "this is +magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective +organization ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the +earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it." + +But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red +crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how +the list had grown! In one place he had "interfered with an election and +killed five repeaters." He had followed this act with the destruction of +two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, whO had "found a +refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, and +were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right of +American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless hand +of the Scourge of Siam." In another, he had "found a crazy sensation- +preacher preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the dance, the +theater, and other things which can't strike back, and had stepped on +him." And in still another place he had "killed a lightning-rod agent." +And so the list went on, growing redder and redder, and more and more +heartbreaking. Sixty persons had been killed, and two hundred and forty +wounded. All the accounts bore just testimony to the activity and +devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the remark that "three +hundred thousand citizen; and four detectives saw the dread creature, and +two of the latter he destroyed." + +I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again. +By and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed +in they nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant was +lost. The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place +unobserved. Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported +that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and +such an hour, and was "undoubtedly the elephant." This dim vast mass had +been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior +New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But in +all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace. +Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of +country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a +clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it. + +But the day passed without other result. + +The next day the same. + +The next just the same. + +The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted +to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly +exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle. + +By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward. + +Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor, +hard-working detectives--the journalists declined to print their +theories, and coldly said, "Give us a rest." + +Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to +seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice. It was a great +sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune +than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in +adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most +stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they +dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in +the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives +scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their +backs, stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of +ridiculous pictures of the detective badge--you have seen that badge +printed in gold on the back of detective novels, no doubt it is a +wide-staring eye, with the legend, "WE NEVER SLEEP." When detectives +called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an +obsolete form of expression and said, "Will you have an eye-opener?" +All the air was thick with sarcasms. + +But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it +all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never +drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said: + +"Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last." + +My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his +side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now +became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to do +so also--at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and stayed +--the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody wondered +how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but at such +times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, and held +my ground. + +About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say, +one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the +great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and +masterly move. + +This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man's +invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide +intercourse with the world's finest minds. He said he was confident he +could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the +elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what +would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He +said: + +"In compromises they always get half." + +This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in +this form: + + DEAR MADAM,--Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be + entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment + with me. Chief BLUNT. + +He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the "reputed wife" +of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden. + +Within the hour these offensive answers came: + + YE OWLD FOOL: brick Duffys bin ded 2 yere. + BRIDGET MAHONEY. + + CHIEF BAT,--Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month. Any Ass + but a detective know that. + MARY O'HOOLIGAN. + +"I had long suspected these facts," said the inspector; "this testimony +proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct." + +The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He +immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a +copy of it: + + A.--xWhlv. 242 ht. Tjnd-fz328wmlg. Ozpo,-- 2 m! 2m!. M! ogw. + +He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual +rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a glare +where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were +conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night. + +We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the +office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege. + +At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in +bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward he +took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye. +An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome +tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes +flamed with triumph! He said: + +"We've compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow! +Follow me!" + +He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement +where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing +cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly +down to the dim and remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to +the pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over +the outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he +went down: + +"Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!" + +I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The +whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant +rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were +called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the +handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic. +Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so +complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that it +made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my +priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to me +through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a great +trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the chief, +and many a detective's voice murmured, "Look at him--just the king of the +profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and there ain't +anything hid that he can't find." The dividing of the fifty thousand +dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief made a little +speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he said, "Enjoy it, +boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've earned for the +detective profession undying fame." + +A telegram arrived, which read: + + MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M. +First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have +followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand miles +to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day. Don't +worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant. This is dead sure. + DARLEY, Detective. + +The chief ordered three cheers for "Darley, one of the finest minds on +the force," and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and +receive his share of the reward. + +So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers +were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one contemptible +exception. This sheet said, "Great is the detective! He may be a little +slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he may hunt him +all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for three weeks, but +he will find him at last if he can get the man who mislaid him to show +him the place!" + +Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him +fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there, +surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had +wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace. + +The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective +expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a +place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer on the +earth but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest +detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and +will so remain unto the end. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain + diff --git a/old/mtswe10.zip b/old/mtswe10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f24e602 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/mtswe10.zip diff --git a/old/mtswe11.txt b/old/mtswe11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..02cd74a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/mtswe11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1264 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Stolen White Elephant, by Mark Twain +#42 in our series by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. 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He was a gentleman more than seventy years of age, and his +thoroughly good and gentle face and earnest and sincere manner imprinted +the unmistakable stamp of truth upon every statement which fell from his +lips. He said: + +You know in what reverence the royal white elephant of Siam is held by +the people of that country. You know it is sacred to kings, only kings +may possess it, and that it is, indeed, in a measure even superior to +kings, since it receives not merely honor but worship. Very well; five +years ago, when the troubles concerning the frontier line arose between +Great Britain and Siam, it was presently manifest that Siam had been in +the wrong. Therefore every reparation was quickly made, and the British +representative stated that he was satisfied and the past should be +forgotten. This greatly relieved the King of Siam, and partly as a token +of gratitude, partly also, perhaps, to wipe out any little remaining +vestige of unpleasantness which England might feel toward him, he wished +to send the Queen a present--the sole sure way of propitiating an enemy, +according to Oriental ideas. This present ought not only to be a royal +one, but transcendently royal. Wherefore, what offering could be so meet +as that of a white elephant? My position in the Indian civil service was +such that I was deemed peculiarly worthy of the honor of conveying the +present to her Majesty. A ship was fitted out for me and my servants and +the officers and attendants of the elephant, and in due time I arrived in +New York harbor and placed my royal charge in admirable quarters in +Jersey City. It was necessary to remain awhile in order to recruit the +animal's health before resuming the voyage. + +All went well during a fortnight--then my calamities began. The white +elephant was stolen! I was called up at dead of night and informed of +this fearful misfortune. For some moments I was beside myself with +terror and anxiety; I was helpless. Then I grew calmer and collected my +faculties. I soon saw my course--for, indeed, there was but the one +course for an intelligent man to pursue. Late as it was, I flew to New +York and got a policeman to conduct me to the headquarters of the +detective force. Fortunately I arrived in time, though the chief of the +force, the celebrated Inspector Blunt was just on the point of leaving +for his home. He was a man of middle size and compact frame, and when he +was thinking deeply he had a way of kniting his brows and tapping his +forehead reflectively with his finger, which impressed you at once with +the conviction that you stood in the presence of a person of no common +order. The very sight of him gave me confidence and made me hopeful. +I stated my errand. It did not flurry him in the least; it had no more +visible effect upon his iron self-possession than if I had told him +somebody had stolen my dog. He motioned me to a seat, and said, calmly: + +"Allow me to think a moment, please." + +So saying, he sat down at his office table and leaned his head upon his +hand. Several clerks were at work at the other end of the room; the +scratching of their pens was all the sound I heard during the next six or +seven minutes. Meantime the inspector sat there, buried in thought. +Finally he raised his head, and there was that in the firm lines of his +face which showed me that his brain had done its work and his plan was +made. Said he--and his voice was low and impressive: + +"This is no ordinary case. Every step must be warily taken; each step +must be made sure before the next is ventured. And secrecy must be +observed--secrecy profound and absolute. Speak to no one about the +matter, not even the reporters. I will take care of them; I will see +that they get only what it may suit my ends to let them know." He +touched a bell; a youth appeared. "Alaric, tell the reporters to remain +for the present." The boy retired. "Now let us proceed to business--and +systematically. Nothing can be accomplished in this trade of mine +without strict and minute method." + +He took a pen and some paper. "Now--name of the elephant?" + +"Hassan Ben Ali Ben Selim Abdallah Mohammed Moist Alhammal +Jamsetjejeebhoy Dhuleep Sultan Ebu Bhudpoor." + +"Very well. Given name?" + +"Jumbo." + +"Very well. Place of birth?" + +"The capital city of Siam." + +"Parents living?" + +"No--dead." + +"Had they any other issue besides this one?" + +"None. He was an only child." + +"Very well. These matters are sufficient under that head. Now please +describe the elephant, and leave out no particular, however +insignificant--that is, insignificant from your point of view. To me in +my profession there are no insignificant particulars; they do not exist." + +I described he wrote. When I was done, he said: + +"Now listen. If I have made any mistakes, correct me." + +He read as follows: + +"Height, 19 feet; length from apex of forehead insertion of tail, 26 +feet; length of trunk, 16 feet; length of tail, 6 feet; total length, +including trunk, and tail, 48 feet; length of tusks, 9 feet; ears +keeping with these dimensions; footprint resembles the mark left when one +up-ends a barrel in the snow; the color of the elephant, a dull white; +has a hole the size of a plate in each ear for the insertion of jewelry +and possesses the habit in a remarkable degree of squirting water upon +spectators and of maltreating with his trunk not only such persons as he +is acquainted with, but even entire strangers; limps slightly with his +right hind leg, and has a small scar in his left armpit caused by a +former boil; had on, when stolen, a castle containing seats for fifteen +persons, and a gold-cloth saddle-blanket the size of an ordinary carpet." + +There were no mistakes. The inspector touched the bell, handed the +description to Alaric, and said: + +"Have fifty thousand copies of this printed at once and mailed to every +detective office and pawnbroker's shop on the continent." Alaric +retired. "There--so far, so good. Next, I must have a photograph of the +property." + +I gave him one. He examined it critically, and said: + +"It must do, since we can do no better; but he has his trunk curled up +and tucked into his mouth. That is unfortunate, and is calculated to +mislead, for of course he does not usually have it in that position." +He touched his bell. + +"Alaric, have fifty thousand copies of this photograph made the first +thing in the morning, and mail them with the descriptive circulars." + +Alaric retired to execute his orders. The inspector said: + +"It will be necessary to offer a reward, of course. Now as to the +amount?" + +"What sum would you suggest?" + +"To begin with, I should say--well, twenty-five thousand dollars. It is +an intricate and difficult business; there are a thousand avenues of +escape and opportunities of concealment. These thieves have friends and +pals everywhere--" + +"Bless me, do you know who they are?" + +The wary face, practised in concealing the thoughts and feelings within, +gave me no token, nor yet the replying words, so quietly uttered: + +"Never mind about that. I may, and I may not. We generally gather a +pretty shrewd inkling of who our man is by the manner of his work and the +size of the game he goes after. We are not dealing with a pickpocket or +a hall thief now, make up your mind to that. This property was not +'lifted' by a novice. But, as I was saying, considering the amount of +travel which will have to be done, and the diligence with which the +thieves will cover up their traces as they move along, twenty-five +thousand may be too small a sum to offer, yet I think it worth while to +start with that." + +So we determined upon that figure as a beginning. Then this man, whom +nothing escaped which could by any possibility be made to serve as a +clue, said: + +"There are cases in detective history to show that criminals have been +detected through peculiarities, in their appetites. Now, what does this +elephant eat, and how much?" + +"Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything. He will eat a man, he +will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible." + +"Good very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary--details +are the only valuable things in our trade. Very well--as to men. At one +meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if +fresh?" + +"He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single meal he +would eat five ordinary men. + +"Very good; five men; we will put that down. What nationalities would he +prefer?" + +"He is indifferent about nationalities. He prefers acquaintances, but is +not prejudiced against strangers." + +"Very good. Now, as to Bibles. How many Bibles would he eat at a meal?" + +"He would eat an entire edition." + +"It is hardly succinct enough. Do you mean the ordinary octavo, or the +family illustrated?" + +"I think he would be indifferent to illustrations that is, I think he +would not value illustrations above simple letterpress." + +"No, you do not get my idea. I refer to bulk. The ordinary octavo Bible +weighs about two pound; and a half, while the great quarto with the +illustrations weighs ten or twelve. How many Dore Bibles would he eat at +a meal?" + +"If you knew this elephant, you could not ask. He would take what they +had." + +"Well, put it in dollars and cents, then. We must get at it somehow. +The Dore costs a hundred dollars a copy, Russia leather, beveled." + +"He would require about fifty thousand dollars worth--say an edition of +five hundred copies." + +"Now that is more exact. I will put that down. Very well; he likes men +and Bibles; so far, so good. What else will he eat? I want +particulars." + +"He will leave Bibles to eat bricks, he will leave bricks to eat bottles, +he will leave bottles to eat clothing, he will leave clothing to eat +cats, he will leave cats to eat oysters, he will leave oysters to eat +ham, he will leave ham to eat sugar, he will leave sugar to eat pie, he +will leave pie to eat potatoes, he will leave potatoes to eat bran; he +will leave bran to eat hay, he will leave hay to eat oats, he will leave +oats to eat rice, for he was mainly raised on it. There is nothing +whatever that he will not eat but European butter, and he would eat that +if he could taste it." + +"Very good. General quantity at a meal--say about--" + +"Well, anywhere from a quarter to half a ton." + +"And he drinks--" + +"Everything that is fluid. Milk, water, whisky, molasses, castor oil, +camphene, carbolic acid--it is no use to go into particulars; whatever +fluid occurs to you set it down. He will drink anything that is fluid, +except European coffee." + +"Very good. As to quantity?" + +"Put it down five to fifteen barrels--his thirst varies; his other +appetites do not." + +"These things are unusual. They ought to furnish quite good clues toward +tracing him." + +He touched the bell. + +"Alaric; summon Captain Burns." + +Burns appeared. Inspector Blunt unfolded the whole matter to him, detail +by detail. Then he said in the clear, decisive tones of a man whose +plans are clearly defined in his head and who is accustomed to command: + +"Captain Burns, detail Detectives Jones, Davis, Halsey, Bates, and +Hackett to shadow the elephant." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Detail Detectives Moses, Dakin, Murphy, Rogers, Tupper, Higgins, and +Bartholomew to shadow the thieves." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Place a strong guard--A guard of thirty picked men, with a relief of +thirty--over the place from whence the elephant was stolen, to keep +strict watch there night and day, and allow none to approach--except +reporters--without written authority from me." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Place detectives in plain clothes in the railway; steamship, and ferry +depots, and upon all roadways leading out of Jersey City, with orders to +search all suspicious persons." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Furnish all these men with photograph and accompanying description of +the elephant, and instruct them to search all trains and outgoing +ferryboats and other vessels." + +"Yes, sir." + +"If the elephant should be found, let him be seized, and the information +forwarded to me by telegraph." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Let me be informed at once if any clues should be found footprints of +the animal, or anything of that kind." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Get an order commanding the harbor police to patrol the frontages +vigilantly." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Despatch detectives in plain clothes over all the railways, north as far +as Canada, west as far as Ohio, south as far as Washington." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Place experts in all the telegraph offices to listen in to all messages; +and let them require that all cipher despatches be interpreted to them." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Let all these things be done with the utmost's secrecy--mind, the most +impenetrable secrecy." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Report to me promptly at the usual hour." + +"Yes, Sir." + +"Go!" + +"Yes, sir." + +He was gone. + +Inspector Blunt was silent and thoughtful a moment, while the fire in his +eye cooled down and faded out. Then he turned to me and said in a placid +voice: + +"I am not given to boasting, it is not my habit; but--we shall find the +elephant." + +I shook him warmly by the hand and thanked him; and I felt my thanks, +too. The more I had seen of the man the more I liked him and the more I +admired him and marveled over the mysterious wonders of his profession. +Then we parted for the night, and I went home with a far happier heart +than I had carried with me to his office. + + +II + +Next morning it was all in the newspapers, in the minutest detail. It +even had additions--consisting of Detective This, Detective That, and +Detective The Other's "Theory" as to how the robbery was done, who the +robbers were, and whither they had flown with their booty. There were +eleven of these theories, and they covered all the possibilities; and +this single fact shows what independent thinkers detectives are. No two +theories were alike, or even much resembled each other, save in one +striking particular, and in that one all the other eleven theories were +absolutely agreed. That was, that although the rear of my building was +torn out and the only door remained locked, the elephant had not been +removed through the rent, but by some other (undiscovered) outlet. +All agreed that the robbers had made that rent only to mislead the +detectives. That never would have occurred to me or to any other layman, +perhaps, but it had not deceived the detectives for a moment. Thus, what +I had supposed was the only thing that had no mystery about it was in +fact the very thing I had gone furthest astray in. The eleven theories +all named the supposed robbers, but no two named the same robbers; the +total number of suspected persons was thirty-seven. The various +newspaper accounts all closed with the most important opinion of all-- +that of Chief Inspector Blunt. A portion of this statement read as +follows: + + The chief knows who the two principals are, namely," Brick" Daffy + and "Red" McFadden. Ten days before the robbery was achieved he was + already aware that it was to be attempted, and had quietly proceeded + to shadow these two noted villains; but unfortunately on the night + in question their track was lost, and before it could be found again + the bird was flown--that is, the elephant. + + Daffy and McFadden are the boldest scoundrels in the profession; the + chief has reasons for believing that they are the men who stole the + stove out of the detective headquarters on a bitter night last + winter--in consequence of which the chief and every detective + present were in the hands of the physicians before morning, some + with frozen feet, others with frozen fingers, ears, and other + members. + +When I read the first half of that I was more astonished than ever at the +wonderful sagacity of this strange man. He not only saw everything in +the present with a clear eye, but even the future could not be hidden +from him. I was soon at his office, and said I could not help wishing he +had had those men arrested, and so prevented the trouble and loss; but +his reply was simple and unanswerable: + +"It is not our province to prevent crime, but to punish it. We cannot +punish it until it is committed." + +I remarked that the secrecy with which we had begun had been marred by +the newspapers; not only all our facts but all our plans and purposes had +been revealed; even all the suspected persons had been named; these would +doubtless disguise themselves now, or go into hiding. + +"Let them. They will find that when I am ready for them my hand will +descend upon them, in their secret places, as unerringly as the hand of +fate. As to the newspapers, we must keep in with them. Fame, +reputation, constant public mention--these are the detective's bread and +butter. He must publish his facts, else he will be supposed to have +none; he must publish his theory, for nothing is so strange or striking +as a detective's theory, or brings him so much wonderful respect; we must +publish our plans, for these the journals insist upon having, and we +could not deny them without offending. We must constantly show the +public what we are doing, or they will believe we are doing nothing. +It is much pleasanter to have a newspaper say, 'Inspector Blunt's +ingenious and extraordinary theory is as follows,' than to have it say +some harsh thing, or, worse still, some sarcastic one." + +"I see the force of what you say. But I noticed that in one part of your +remarks in the papers this morning you refused to reveal your opinion +upon a certain minor point." + +"Yes, we always do that; it has a good effect. Besides, I had not formed +any opinion on that point, anyway." + +I deposited a considerable sum of money with the inspector, to meet +current expenses, and sat down to wait for news. We were expecting the +telegrams to begin to arrive at any moment now. Meantime I reread the +newspapers and also our descriptive circular, and observed that our +twenty-five thousand dollars reward seemed to be offered only to +detectives. I said I thought it ought to be offered to anybody who would +catch the elephant. The inspector said: + +"It is the detectives who will find the elephant; hence the reward will +go to the right place. If other people found the animal, it would only +be by watching the detectives and taking advantage of clues and +indications stolen from them, and that would entitle the detectives to +the reward, after all. The proper office of a reward is to stimulate the +men who deliver up their time and their trained sagacities to this sort +of work, and not to confer benefits upon chance citizens who stumble upon +a capture without having earned the benefits by their own merits and +labors." + +This was reasonable enough, certainly. Now the telegraphic machine in +the corner began to click, and the following despatch was the result: + + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 7.30 A.M. + Have got a clue. Found a succession of deep tracks across a farm + near here. Followed them two miles east without result; think + elephant went west. Shall now shadow him in that direction. + DARLEY, Detective. + +"Darley's one of the best men on the force," said the inspector. "We +shall hear from him again before long." + +Telegram No. 2 came: + + BARKER'S, N. J., 7.40 A.M. + Just arrived. Glass factory broken open here during night, and + eight hundred bottles taken. Only water in large quantity near here + is five miles distant. Shall strike for there. Elephant will be + thirsty. Bottles were empty. + DARLEY, Detective. + +"That promises well, too," said the inspector. + +"I told you the creature's appetites would not be bad clues." + +Telegram No. 3: + + TAYLORVILLE, L. I. 8.15 A.M. + A haystack near here disappeared during night. Probably eaten. + Have got a clue, and am off. + HUBBARD, Detective. + +"How he does move around!" said the inspector "I knew we had a difficult +job on hand, but we shall catch him yet." + + FLOWER STATION, N. Y., 9 A.M. + Shadowed the tracks three miles westward. Large, deep, and ragged. + Have just met a farmer who says they are not elephant-tracks. Says + they are holes where he dug up saplings for shade-trees when ground + was frozen last winter. Give me orders how to proceed. + DARLEY, Detective. + +"Aha! a confederate of the thieves! The thing, grows warm," said the +inspector. + +He dictated the following telegram to Darley: + + Arrest the man and force him to name his pals. Continue to follow + the tracks to the Pacific, if necessary. + Chief BLUNT. + +Next telegram: + + CONEY POINT, PA., 8.45 A.M. + Gas office broken open here during night and three month; unpaid gas + bills taken. Have got a clue and am away. + MURPHY, Detective. + +"Heavens!" said the inspector; "would he eat gas bills?" + +"Through ignorance--yes; but they cannot support life. At least, +unassisted." + +Now came this exciting telegram: + + IRONVILLE, N. Y., 9.30 A.M. + Just arrived. This village in consternation. Elephant passed + through here at five this morning. Some say he went east some say + west, some north, some south--but all say they did not wait to + notice, particularly. He killed a horse; have secure a piece of it + for a clue. Killed it with his trunk; from style of blow, think he + struck it left-handed. From position in which horse lies, think + elephant traveled northward along line Berkley Railway. Has four + and a half hours' start, but I move on his track at once. + HAWES, Detective + +I uttered exclamations of joy. The inspector was as self-contained as a +graven image. He calmly touched his bell. + +"Alaric, send Captain Burns here." + +Burns appeared. + +"How many men are ready for instant orders?" + +"Ninety-six, sir." + +"Send them north at once. Let them concentrate along the line of the +Berkley road north of Ironville." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Let them conduct their movements with the utmost secrecy. As fast as +others are at liberty, hold them for orders." + +"Yes, sir." + +"Go!" + +"Yes, sir." + +Presently came another telegram: + + SAGE CORNERS, N. Y., 10.30. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through here at 8.15. All escaped + from the town but a policeman. Apparently elephant did not strike + at policeman, but at the lamp-post. Got both. I have secured a + portion of the policeman as clue. + STUMM, Detective. + +"So the elephant has turned westward," said the inspector. "However, he +will not escape, for my men are scattered all over that region." + +The next telegram said: + + GLOVER'S, 11.15 +Just arrived. Village deserted, except sick and aged. Elephant passed +through three-quarters of an hour ago. The anti-temperance mass-meeting +was in session; he put his trunk in at a window and washed it out with +water from cistern. Some swallowed it--since dead; several drowned. +Detectives Cross and O'Shaughnessy were passing through town, but going +south--so missed elephant. Whole region for many miles around in terror- +-people flying from their homes. Wherever they turn they meet elephant, +and many are killed. + BRANT, Detective. + +I could have shed tears, this havoc so distressed me. But the inspector +only said: + +"You see--we are closing in on him. He feels our presence; he has turned +eastward again." + +Yet further troublous news was in store for us. The telegraph brought +this: + + HOGANSPORT, 12.19. + Just arrived. Elephant passed through half an hour ago, creating + wildest fright and excitement. Elephant raged around streets; two + plumbers going by, killed one--other escaped. Regret general. + O'FLAHERTY, Detective. + +"Now he is right in the midst of my men," said the inspector. "Nothing +can save him." + +A succession of telegrams came from detectives who were scattered through +New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and who were following clues consisting of +ravaged barns, factories, and Sunday-school libraries, with high +hopes-hopes amounting to certainties, indeed. The inspector said: + +"I wish I could communicate with them and order them north, but that is +impossible. A detective only visits a telegraph office to send his +report; then he is off again, and you don't know where to put your hand +on him." + +Now came this despatch: + + BRIDGEPORT, CT., 12.15. + Barnum offers rate of $4,000 a year for exclusive privilege of using + elephant as traveling advertising medium from now till detectives + find him. Wants to paste circus-posters on him. Desires immediate + answer. + BOGGS, Detective. + +"That is perfectly absurd!" I exclaimed. + +"Of course it is," said the inspector. "Evidently Mr. Barnum, who thinks +he is so sharp, does not know me--but I know him." + +Then he dictated this answer to the despatch: + + Mr. Barnum's offer declined. Make it $7,000 or nothing. + Chief BLUNT. + +"There. We shall not have to wait long for an answer. Mr. Barnum is +not at home; he is in the telegraph office--it is his way when he has +business on hand. Inside of three--" + + Done.--P. T. BARNUM. + +So interrupted the clicking telegraphic instrument. Before I could make +a comment upon this extraordinary episode, the following despatch carried +my thoughts into another and very distressing channel: + + BOLIVIA, N. Y., 12.50. + Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the + forest at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing + the mourners by two. Citizens fired some small cannon-balls into + him, and they fled. Detective Burke and I arrived ten minutes + later, from the north, but mistook some excavations for footprints, + and so lost a good deal of time; but at last we struck the right + trail and followed it to the woods. We then got down on our hands + and knees and continued to keep a sharp eye on the track, and so + shadowed it into the brush. Burke was in advance. Unfortunately + the animal had stopped to rest; therefore, Burke having his head + down, intent upon the track, butted up against the elephant's hind + legs before he was aware of his vicinity. Burke instantly arose to + his feet, seized the tail, and exclaimed joyfully, "I claim the re-- + "but got no further, for a single blow of the huge trunk laid the + brave fellow's fragments low in death. I fled rearward, and the + elephant turned and shadowed me to the edge of the wood, making + tremendous speed, and I should inevitably have been lost, but that + the remains of the funeral providentially intervened again and + diverted his attention. I have just learned that nothing of that + funeral is now left; but this is no loss, for there is abundance of + material for another. Meantime, the elephant has disappeared again. + MULROONEY, Detective. + +We heard no news except from the diligent and confident detectives +scattered about New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and Virginia--who +were all following fresh and encouraging clues--until shortly after +2 P.M., when this telegram came: + + BAXTER CENTER, 2.15. + Elephant been here, plastered over with circus-bills, any broke up a + revival, striking down and damaging many who were on the point of + entering upon a better life. Citizens penned him up and established + a guard. When Detective Brown and I arrived, some time after, we + entered inclosure and proceeded to identify elephant by photograph + and description. All masks tallied exactly except one, which we + could not see--the boil-scar under armpit. To make sure, Brown + crept under to look, and was immediately brained--that is, head + crushed and destroyed, though nothing issued from debris. All fled + so did elephant, striking right and left with much effect. He + escaped, but left bold blood-track from cannon-wounds. Rediscovery + certain. He broke southward, through a dense forest. + BRENT, Detective. + +That was the last telegram. At nightfall a fog shut down which was so +dense that objects but three feet away could not be discerned. This +lasted all night. The ferry-boats and even the omnibuses had to stop +running. + + + +III + +Next morning the papers were as full of detective theories as before; +they had all our tragic facts in detail also, and a great many more which +they had received from their telegraphic correspondents. Column after +column was occupied, a third of its way down, with glaring head-lines, +which it made my heart sick to read. Their general tone was like this: + + THE WHITE ELEPHANT AT LARGE! HE MOVES UPON HIS FATAL MARCH WHOLE + VILLAGES DESERTED BY THEIR FRIGHT-STRICKEN OCCUPANTS! PALE TERROR + GOES BEFORE HIM, DEATH AND DEVASTATION FOLLOW AFTER! AFTER THESE, + THE DETECTIVES! BARNS DESTROYED, FACTORIES GUTTED, HARVESTS + DEVOURED, PUBLIC ASSEMBLAGES DISPERSED, ACCOMPANIED BY SCENES OF + CARNAGE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE! THEORIES OF THIRTY-FOUR OF THE MOST + DISTINGUISHED DETECTIVES ON THE FORCES! THEORY OF CHIEF BLUNT! + +"There!" said Inspector Blunt, almost betrayed into excitement, "this is +magnificent! This is the greatest windfall that any detective +organization ever had. The fame of it will travel to the ends of the +earth, and endure to the end of time, and my name with it." + +But there was no joy for me. I felt as if I had committed all those red +crimes, and that the elephant was only my irresponsible agent. And how +the list had grown! In one place he had "interfered with an election and +killed five repeaters." He had followed this act with the destruction of +two pool fellows, named O'Donohue and McFlannigan, who had "found a +refuge in the home of the oppressed of all lands only the day before, and +were in the act of exercising for the first time the noble right of +American citizens at the polls, when stricken down by the relentless hand +of the Scourge of Siam." In another, he had "found a crazy sensation- +preacher preparing his next season's heroic attacks on the dance, the +theater, and other things which can't strike back, and had stepped on +him." And in still another place he had "killed a lightning-rod agent." +And so the list went on, growing redder and redder, and more and more +heartbreaking. Sixty persons had been killed, and two hundred and forty +wounded. All the accounts bore just testimony to the activity and +devotion of the detectives, and all closed with the remark that "three +hundred thousand citizen; and four detectives saw the dread creature, and +two of the latter he destroyed." + +I dreaded to hear the telegraphic instrument begin to click again. +By and by the messages began to pour in, but I was happily disappointed +in they nature. It was soon apparent that all trace of the elephant was +lost. The fog had enabled him to search out a good hiding-place +unobserved. Telegrams from the most absurdly distant points reported +that a dim vast mass had been glimpsed there through the fog at such and +such an hour, and was "undoubtedly the elephant." This dim vast mass had +been glimpsed in New Haven, in New Jersey, in Pennsylvania, in interior +New York, in Brooklyn, and even in the city of New York itself! But in +all cases the dim vast mass had vanished quickly and left no trace. +Every detective of the large force scattered over this huge extent of +country sent his hourly report, and each and every one of them had a +clue, and was shadowing something, and was hot upon the heels of it. + +But the day passed without other result. + +The next day the same. + +The next just the same. + +The newspaper reports began to grow monotonous with facts that amounted +to nothing, clues which led to nothing, and theories which had nearly +exhausted the elements which surprise and delight and dazzle. + +By advice of the inspector I doubled the reward. + +Four more dull days followed. Then came a bitter blow to the poor, +hard-working detectives--the journalists declined to print their +theories, and coldly said, "Give us a rest." + +Two weeks after the elephant's disappearance I raised the reward to +seventy-five thousand dollars by the inspector's advice. It was a great +sum, but I felt that I would rather sacrifice my whole private fortune +than lose my credit with my government. Now that the detectives were in +adversity, the newspapers turned upon them, and began to fling the most +stinging sarcasms at them. This gave the minstrels an idea, and they +dressed themselves as detectives and hunted the elephant on the stage in +the most extravagant way. The caricaturists made pictures of detectives +scanning the country with spy-glasses, while the elephant, at their +backs, stole apples out of their pockets. And they made all sorts of +ridiculous pictures of the detective badge--you have seen that badge +printed in gold on the back of detective novels, no doubt it is a +wide-staring eye, with the legend, "WE NEVER SLEEP." When detectives +called for a drink, the would-be facetious barkeeper resurrected an +obsolete form of expression and said, "Will you have an eye-opener?" +All the air was thick with sarcasms. + +But there was one man who moved calm, untouched, unaffected, through it +all. It was that heart of oak, the chief inspector. His brave eye never +drooped, his serene confidence never wavered. He always said: + +"Let them rail on; he laughs best who laughs last." + +My admiration for the man grew into a species of worship. I was at his +side always. His office had become an unpleasant place to me, and now +became daily more and more so. Yet if he could endure it I meant to do +so also--at least, as long as I could. So I came regularly, and stayed +--the only outsider who seemed to be capable of it. Everybody wondered +how I could; and often it seemed to me that I must desert, but at such +times I looked into that calm and apparently unconscious face, and held +my ground. + +About three weeks after the elephant's disappearance I was about to say, +one morning, that I should have to strike my colors and retire, when the +great detective arrested the thought by proposing one more superb and +masterly move. + +This was to compromise with the robbers. The fertility of this man's +invention exceeded anything I have ever seen, and I have had a wide +intercourse with the world's finest minds. He said he was confident he +could compromise for one hundred thousand dollars and recover the +elephant. I said I believed I could scrape the amount together, but what +would become of the poor detectives who had worked so faithfully? He +said: + +"In compromises they always get half." + +This removed my only objection. So the inspector wrote two notes, in +this form: + + DEAR MADAM,--Your husband can make a large sum of money (and be + entirely protected from the law) by making an immediate, appointment + with me. Chief BLUNT. + +He sent one of these by his confidential messenger to the "reputed wife" +of Brick Duffy, and the other to the reputed wife of Red McFadden. + +Within the hour these offensive answers came: + + YE OWLD FOOL: brick Duffys bin ded 2 yere. + BRIDGET MAHONEY. + + CHIEF BAT,--Red McFadden is hung and in heving 18 month. Any Ass + but a detective know that. + MARY O'HOOLIGAN. + +"I had long suspected these facts," said the inspector; "this testimony +proves the unerring accuracy of my instinct." + +The moment one resource failed him he was ready with another. He +immediately wrote an advertisement for the morning papers, and I kept a +copy of it: + + A.--xWhlv. 242 ht. Tjnd--fz328wmlg. Ozpo,--2 m! 2m!. M! ogw. + +He said that if the thief was alive this would bring him to the usual +rendezvous. He further explained that the usual rendezvous was a glare +where all business affairs between detectives and criminals were +conducted. This meeting would take place at twelve the next night. + +We could do nothing till then, and I lost no time in getting out of the +office, and was grateful indeed for the privilege. + +At eleven the next night I brought one hundred thousand dollars in +bank-notes and put them into the chief's hands, and shortly afterward he +took his leave, with the brave old undimmed confidence in his eye. +An almost intolerable hour dragged to a close; then I heard his welcome +tread, and rose gasping and tottered to meet him. How his fine eyes +flamed with triumph! He said: + +"We've compromised! The jokers will sing a different tune to-morrow! +Follow me!" + +He took a lighted candle and strode down into the vast vaulted basement +where sixty detectives always slept, and where a score were now playing +cards to while the time. I followed close after him. He walked swiftly +down to the dim and remote end of the place, and just as I succumbed to +the pangs of suffocation and was swooning away he stumbled and fell over +the outlying members of a mighty object, and I heard him exclaim as he +went down: + +"Our noble profession is vindicated. Here is your elephant!" + +I was carried to the office above and restored with carbolic acid. The +whole detective force swarmed in, and such another season of triumphant +rejoicing ensued as I had never witnessed before. The reporters were +called, baskets of champagne were opened, toasts were drunk, the +handshakings and congratulations were continuous and enthusiastic. +Naturally the chief was the hero of the hour, and his happiness was so +complete and had been so patiently and worthily and bravely won that it +made me happy to see it, though I stood there a homeless beggar, my +priceless charge dead, and my position in my country's service lost to me +through what would always seem my fatally careless execution of a great +trust. Many an eloquent eye testified its deep admiration for the chief, +and many a detective's voice murmured, "Look at him--just the king of the +profession; only give him a clue, it's all he wants, and there ain't +anything hid that he can't find." The dividing of the fifty thousand +dollars made great pleasure; when it was finished the chief made a little +speech while he put his share in his pocket, in which he said, "Enjoy it, +boys, for you've earned it; and, more than that, you've earned for the +detective profession undying fame." + +A telegram arrived, which read: + + MONROE, MICH., 10 P.M. +First time I've struck a telegraph office in over three weeks. Have +followed those footprints, horseback, through the woods, a thousand miles +to here, and they get stronger and bigger and fresher every day. Don't +worry-inside of another week I'll have the elephant. This is dead sure. + DARLEY, Detective. + +The chief ordered three cheers for "Darley, one of the finest minds on +the force," and then commanded that he be telegraphed to come home and +receive his share of the reward. + +So ended that marvelous episode of the stolen elephant. The newspapers +were pleasant with praises once more, the next day, with one contemptible +exception. This sheet said, "Great is the detective! He may be a little +slow in finding a little thing like a mislaid elephant he may hunt him +all day and sleep with his rotting carcass all night for three weeks, but +he will find him at last if he can get the man who mislaid him to show +him the place!" + +Poor Hassan was lost to me forever. The cannonshots had wounded him +fatally, he had crept to that unfriendly place in the fog, and there, +surrounded by his enemies and in constant danger of detection, he had +wasted away with hunger and suffering till death gave him peace. + +The compromise cost me one hundred thousand dollars; my detective +expenses were forty-two thousand dollars more; I never applied for a +place again under my government; I am a ruined man and a wanderer on the +earth but my admiration for that man, whom I believe to be the greatest +detective the world has ever produced, remains undimmed to this day, and +will so remain unto the end. + + + + +End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of The Stolen White Elephant, +by Mark Twain + diff --git a/old/mtswe11.zip b/old/mtswe11.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..77d5176 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/mtswe11.zip |