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+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30019 ***
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+ _The Army had a new theme song: "Anything
+ you can do, we can do better!" And they meant
+ _anything_, including up-to-date hornpipes!_
+
+
+                  NAVY DAY
+
+             By Harry Harrison
+
+         Illustrated by Kelly Freas
+
+
+General Wingrove looked at the rows of faces without seeing them. His
+vision went beyond the Congress of the United States, past the balmy
+June day to another day that was coming. A day when the Army would have
+its destined place of authority.
+
+He drew a deep breath and delivered what was perhaps the shortest speech
+ever heard in the hallowed halls of Congress:
+
+"The General Staff of the U.S. Army requests Congress to abolish the
+archaic branch of the armed forces known as the U.S. Navy."
+
+The aging Senator from Georgia checked his hearing aid to see if it was
+in operating order, while the press box emptied itself in one concerted
+rush and a clatter of running feet that died off in the direction of the
+telephone room. A buzz of excited comment ran through the giant chamber.
+One by one the heads turned to face the Naval section where rows of blue
+figures stirred and buzzed like smoked-out bees. The knot of men around
+a paunchy figure heavy with gold braid broke up and Admiral Fitzjames
+climbed slowly to his feet.
+
+Lesser men have quailed before that piercing stare, but General Wingrove
+was never the lesser man. The admiral tossed his head with disgust,
+every line of his body denoting outraged dignity. He turned to his
+audience, a small pulse beating in his forehead.
+
+"I cannot comprehend the general's attitude, nor can I understand why he
+has attacked the Navy in this unwarranted fashion. The Navy has existed
+and will always exist as the first barrier of American defense. I ask
+you, gentlemen, to ignore this request as you would ignore the
+statements of any person ... er, slightly demented. I should like to
+offer a recommendation that the general's sanity be investigated, and an
+inquiry be made as to the mental health of anyone else connected with
+this preposterous proposal!"
+
+The general smiled calmly. "I understand, Admiral, and really don't
+blame you for being slightly annoyed. But, please let us not bring this
+issue of national importance down to a shallow personal level. The Army
+has facts to back up this request--facts that shall be demonstrated
+tomorrow morning."
+
+Turning his back on the raging admiral, General Wingrove included all
+the assembled solons in one sweeping gesture.
+
+"Reserve your judgment until that time, gentlemen, make no hasty
+judgments until you have seen the force of argument with which we back
+up our request. It is the end of an era. In the morning the Navy joins
+its fellow fossils, the dodo and the brontosaurus."
+
+The admiral's blood pressure mounted to a new record and the gentle thud
+of his unconscious body striking the floor was the only sound to break
+the shocked silence of the giant hall.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The early morning sun warmed the white marble of the Jefferson Memorial
+and glinted from the soldiers' helmets and the roofs of the packed cars
+that crowded forward in a slow-moving stream. All the gentlemen of
+Congress were there, the passage of their cars cleared by the screaming
+sirens of motorcycle policemen. Around and under the wheels of the
+official cars pressed a solid wave of government workers and common
+citizens of the capital city. The trucks of the radio and television
+services pressed close, microphones and cameras extended.
+
+The stage was set for a great day. Neat rows of olive drab vehicles
+curved along the water's edge. Jeeps and half-tracks shouldered close by
+weapons carriers and six-bys, all of them shrinking to insignificance
+beside the looming Patton tanks. A speakers' platform was set up in the
+center of the line, near the audience.
+
+At precisely 10 a.m., General Wingrove stepped forward and scowled at
+the crowd until they settled into an uncomfortable silence. His speech
+was short and consisted of nothing more than amplifications of his
+opening statement that actions speak louder than words. He pointed to
+the first truck in line, a 2½-ton filled with an infantry squad sitting
+stiffly at attention.
+
+The driver caught the signal and kicked the engine into life; with a
+grind of gears it moved forward toward the river's edge. There was an
+indrawn gasp from the crowd as the front wheels ground over the marble
+parapet--then the truck was plunging down toward the muddy waters of the
+Potomac.
+
+The wheels touched the water and the surface seemed to sink while taking
+on a strange glassy character. The truck roared into high gear and rode
+forward on the surface of the water surrounded by a saucer-shaped
+depression. It parked two hundred yards off shore and the soldiers,
+goaded by the sergeant's bark, leapt out and lined up with a showy
+_present arms_.
+
+The general returned the salute and waved to the remaining vehicles.
+They moved forward in a series of maneuvers that indicated a great
+number of rehearsal hours on some hidden pond. The tanks rumbled slowly
+over the water while the jeeps cut back and forth through their lines in
+intricate patterns. The trucks backed and turned like puffing
+ballerinas.
+
+The audience was rooted in a hushed silence, their eyeballs bulging.
+They continued to watch the amazing display as General Wingrove spoke
+again:
+
+"You see before you a typical example of Army ingenuity, developed in
+Army laboratories. These motor units are supported on the surface of the
+water by an intensifying of the surface tension in their immediate area.
+Their weight is evenly distributed over the surface, causing the shallow
+depressions you see around them.
+
+"This remarkable feat has been accomplished by the use of the
+_Dornifier_. A remarkable invention that is named after that brilliant
+scientist, Colonel Robert A. Dorn, Commander of the Brooke Point
+Experimental Laboratory. It was there that one of the civilian employees
+discovered the Dorn effect--under the Colonel's constant guidance, of
+course.
+
+"Utilizing this invention the Army now becomes master of the sea as well
+as the land. Army convoys of trucks and tanks can blanket the world. The
+surface of the water is our highway, our motor park, our
+battleground--the airfield and runway for our planes."
+
+Mechanics were pushing a Shooting Star onto the water. They stepped
+clear as flame gushed from the tail pipe; with the familiar whooshing
+rumble it sped down the Potomac and hurled itself into the air.
+
+"When this cheap and simple method of crossing oceans is adopted, it
+will of course mean the end of that fantastic medieval anachronism, the
+Navy. No need for billion-dollar aircraft carriers, battleships,
+drydocks and all the other cumbersome junk that keeps those boats and
+things afloat. Give the taxpayer back his hard-earned dollar!"
+
+Teeth grated in the Naval section as carriers and battleships were
+called "boats" and the rest of America's sea might lumped under the
+casual heading of "things." Lips were curled at the transparent appeal
+to the taxpayer's pocketbook. But with leaden hearts they knew that all
+this justified wrath and contempt would avail them nothing. This was
+Army Day with a vengeance, and the doom of the Navy seemed inescapable.
+
+The Army had made elaborate plans for what they called "Operation
+Sinker." Even as the general spoke the publicity mills ground into high
+gear. From coast to coast the citizens absorbed the news with their
+morning nourishment.
+
+"... Agnes, you hear what the radio said! The Army's gonna give a trip
+around the world in a B-36 as first prize in this limerick contest. All
+you have to do is fill in the last line, and mail one copy to the
+Pentagon and the other to the Navy ..."
+
+The Naval mail room had standing orders to burn all the limericks when
+they came in, but some of the newer men seemed to think the entire thing
+was a big joke. Commander Bullman found one in the mess hall:
+
+    _The Army will always be there,
+    On the land, on the sea, in the air.
+    So why should the Navy
+    Take all of the gravy ..._
+
+to which a seagoing scribe had added:
+
+    _And not give us ensigns our share?_
+
+The newspapers were filled daily with photographs of mighty B-36's
+landing on Lake Erie, and grinning soldiers making mock beachhead
+attacks on Coney Island. Each man wore a buzzing black box at his waist
+and walked on the bosom of the now quiet Atlantic like a biblical
+prophet.
+
+Radio and television also carried the thousands of news releases that
+poured in an unending flow from the Pentagon Building. Cards, letters,
+telegrams and packages descended on Washington in an overwhelming
+torrent. The Navy Department was the unhappy recipient of deprecatory
+letters and a vast quantity of little cardboard battleships.
+
+The people spoke and their representatives listened closely. This was an
+election year. There didn't seem to be much doubt as to the decision,
+particularly when the reduction in the budget was considered.
+
+It took Congress only two months to make up its collective mind. The
+people were all pro-Army. The novelty of the idea had fired their
+imaginations.
+
+They were about to take the final vote in the lower house. If the
+amendment passed it would go to the states for ratification, and their
+votes were certain to follow that of Congress. The Navy had fought a
+last-ditch battle to no avail. The balloting was going to be pretty much
+of a sure thing--the wet water Navy would soon become ancient history.
+
+For some reason the admirals didn't look as unhappy as they should.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Naval Department had requested one last opportunity to address the
+Congress. Congress had patronizingly granted permission, for even the
+doomed man is allowed one last speech. Admiral Fitzjames, who had
+recovered from his choleric attack, was the appointed speaker.
+
+"Gentlemen of the Congress of the United States. We in the Navy have a
+fighting tradition. We 'damn the torpedoes' and sail straight ahead into
+the enemy's fire if that is necessary. We have been stabbed in the
+back--we have suffered a second Pearl Harbor sneak attack! The Army
+relinquished its rights to fair treatment with this attack. Therefore we
+are _counter-attacking_!" Worn out by his attacking and mixed metaphors,
+the Admiral mopped his brow.
+
+"Our laboratories have been working night and day on the perfection of a
+device we hoped we would never be forced to use. It is now in operation,
+having passed the final trials a few days ago.
+
+"The significance of this device _cannot_ be underestimated. We are so
+positive of its importance that--we are _demanding_ that the _Army_ be
+abolished!"
+
+He waved his hand toward the window and bellowed one word.
+
+"LOOK!"
+
+Everyone looked. They blinked and looked again. They rubbed their eyes
+and kept looking.
+
+Sailing majestically up the middle of Constitution Avenue was the
+battleship Missouri.
+
+The Admiral's voice rang through the room like a trumpet of victory.
+
+"The Mark-1 Debinder, as you see, temporarily lessens the binding
+energies that hold molecules of solid matter together. Solids become
+liquids, and a ship equipped with this device can sail anywhere in the
+world--on sea _or_ land. Take your vote, gentlemen; the world awaits
+your decision."
+
+                                                           ... THE END
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note:
+
+    This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ January
+    1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
+    copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
+    typographical errors have been corrected without note.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Navy Day, by Harry Harrison
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30019 ***
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+<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30019 ***</div>
+
+<div class="figc"><img src="images/001.png" width="600" height="424" alt="" title="" /></div>
+
+<div class="bk1"><p><big><i>The Army had a new theme song: "Anything
+you can do, we can do better!" And they meant
+</i>anything<i>, including up-to-date hornpipes!</i></big></p></div>
+
+<h1><span class="sp1">NAVY DAY</span></h1>
+
+<h2>By Harry Harrison</h2>
+
+<div class="hd1">Illustrated by Kelly Freas</div>
+
+<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">General Wingrove</span>
+looked at the rows of faces
+without seeing them. His vision
+went beyond the Congress of the
+United States, past the balmy June
+day to another day that was coming.
+A day when the Army would
+have its destined place of authority.</p>
+
+<p>He drew a deep breath and delivered
+what was perhaps the
+shortest speech ever heard in the
+hallowed halls of Congress:</p>
+
+<p>"The General Staff of the U.S.
+Army requests Congress to abolish
+the archaic branch of the armed
+forces known as the U.S. Navy."</p>
+
+<p>The aging Senator from
+Georgia checked his hearing aid to
+see if it was in operating order,
+while the press box emptied itself
+in one concerted rush and a clatter
+of running feet that died off in
+the direction of the telephone
+room. A buzz of excited comment
+ran through the giant chamber.
+One by one the heads turned to
+face the Naval section where rows
+of blue figures stirred and buzzed
+like smoked-out bees. The knot of
+men around a paunchy figure heavy
+with gold braid broke up and Admiral
+Fitzjames climbed slowly to
+his feet.</p>
+
+<p>Lesser men have quailed before
+that piercing stare, but General
+Wingrove was never the lesser man.
+The admiral tossed his head with
+disgust, every line of his body denoting
+outraged dignity. He turned
+to his audience, a small pulse beating
+in his forehead.</p>
+
+<p>"I cannot comprehend the general's
+attitude, nor can I understand
+why he has attacked the Navy
+in this unwarranted fashion. The
+Navy has existed and will always
+exist as the first barrier of American
+defense. I ask you, gentlemen,
+to ignore this request as you would
+ignore the statements of any person ... er,
+slightly demented. I
+should like to offer a recommendation
+that the general's sanity be investigated,
+and an inquiry be made
+as to the mental health of anyone
+else connected with this preposterous
+proposal!"</p>
+
+<p>The general smiled calmly. "I
+understand, Admiral, and really
+don't blame you for being slightly
+annoyed. But, please let us not bring
+this issue of national importance
+down to a shallow personal level.
+The Army has facts to back up this
+request&mdash;facts that shall be demonstrated
+tomorrow morning."</p>
+
+<p>Turning his back on the raging
+admiral, General Wingrove included
+all the assembled solons in
+one sweeping gesture.</p>
+
+<p>"Reserve your judgment until
+that time, gentlemen, make no hasty
+judgments until you have seen the
+force of argument with which we
+back up our request. It is the end
+of an era. In the morning the Navy
+joins its fellow fossils, the dodo and
+the brontosaurus."</p>
+
+<p>The admiral's blood pressure
+mounted to a new record and the
+gentle thud of his unconscious body
+striking the floor was the only sound
+to break the shocked silence of the
+giant hall.</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The early</span> morning sun
+warmed the white marble of the
+Jefferson Memorial and glinted
+from the soldiers' helmets and the
+roofs of the packed cars that
+crowded forward in a slow-moving
+stream. All the gentlemen of Congress
+were there, the passage of
+their cars cleared by the screaming
+sirens of motorcycle policemen.
+Around and under the wheels of the
+official cars pressed a solid wave of
+government workers and common
+citizens of the capital city. The
+trucks of the radio and television
+services pressed close, microphones
+and cameras extended.</p>
+
+<p>The stage was set for a great day.
+Neat rows of olive drab vehicles
+curved along the water's edge. Jeeps
+and half-tracks shouldered close by
+weapons carriers and six-bys, all of
+them shrinking to insignificance beside
+the looming Patton tanks. A
+speakers' platform was set up in the
+center of the line, near the audience.</p>
+
+<p>At precisely 10 a.m., General Wingrove
+stepped forward and scowled
+at the crowd until they settled into
+an uncomfortable silence. His
+speech was short and consisted of
+nothing more than amplifications
+of his opening statement that actions
+speak louder than words. He
+pointed to the first truck in line, a
+2&frac12;-ton filled with an infantry
+squad sitting stiffly at attention.</p>
+
+<p>The driver caught the signal and
+kicked the engine into life; with
+a grind of gears it moved forward
+toward the river's edge. There was
+an indrawn gasp from the crowd
+as the front wheels ground over the
+marble parapet&mdash;then the truck was
+plunging down toward the muddy
+waters of the Potomac.</p>
+
+<p>The wheels touched the water
+and the surface seemed to sink
+while taking on a strange glassy
+character. The truck roared into
+high gear and rode forward on the
+surface of the water surrounded
+by a saucer-shaped depression. It
+parked two hundred yards off shore
+and the soldiers, goaded by the
+sergeant's bark, leapt out and lined
+up with a showy <i>present arms</i>.</p>
+
+<p>The general returned the salute
+and waved to the remaining vehicles.
+They moved forward in a
+series of maneuvers that indicated
+a great number of rehearsal hours
+on some hidden pond. The tanks
+rumbled slowly over the water
+while the jeeps cut back and forth
+through their lines in intricate patterns.
+The trucks backed and
+turned like puffing ballerinas.</p>
+
+<p>The audience was rooted in a
+hushed silence, their eyeballs bulging.
+They continued to watch the
+amazing display as General Wingrove
+spoke again:</p>
+
+<p>"You see before you a typical
+example of Army ingenuity, developed
+in Army laboratories. These
+motor units are supported on the
+surface of the water by an intensifying
+of the surface tension in
+their immediate area. Their weight
+is evenly distributed over the surface,
+causing the shallow depressions
+you see around them.</p>
+
+<p>"This remarkable feat has been
+accomplished by the use of the
+<i>Dornifier</i>. A remarkable invention
+that is named after that brilliant
+scientist, Colonel Robert A. Dorn,
+Commander of the Brooke Point
+Experimental Laboratory. It was
+there that one of the civilian employees
+discovered the Dorn effect&mdash;under
+the Colonel's constant guidance,
+of course.</p>
+
+<p>"Utilizing this invention the
+Army now becomes master of the
+sea as well as the land. Army convoys
+of trucks and tanks can blanket
+the world. The surface of the
+water is our highway, our motor
+park, our battleground&mdash;the airfield
+and runway for our planes."</p>
+
+<p>Mechanics were pushing a Shooting
+Star onto the water. They
+stepped clear as flame gushed from
+the tail pipe; with the familiar
+whooshing rumble it sped down the
+Potomac and hurled itself into the
+air.</p>
+
+<p>"When this cheap and simple
+method of crossing oceans is
+adopted, it will of course mean the
+end of that fantastic medieval
+anachronism, the Navy. No need
+for billion-dollar aircraft carriers,
+battleships, drydocks and all the
+other cumbersome junk that keeps
+those boats and things afloat. Give
+the taxpayer back his hard-earned
+dollar!"</p>
+
+<p>Teeth grated in the Naval section
+as carriers and battleships were
+called "boats" and the rest of
+America's sea might lumped under
+the casual heading of "things." Lips
+were curled at the transparent appeal
+to the taxpayer's pocketbook.
+But with leaden hearts they knew
+that all this justified wrath and contempt
+would avail them nothing.
+This was Army Day with a vengeance,
+and the doom of the Navy
+seemed inescapable.</p>
+
+<p>The Army had made elaborate
+plans for what they called "Operation
+Sinker." Even as the general
+spoke the publicity mills ground
+into high gear. From coast to coast
+the citizens absorbed the news with
+their morning nourishment.</p>
+
+<p>"... Agnes, you hear what the
+radio said! The Army's gonna give
+a trip around the world in a B-36
+as first prize in this limerick contest.
+All you have to do is fill in the
+last line, and mail one copy to
+the Pentagon and the other to the
+Navy ..."</p>
+
+<p>The Naval mail room had standing
+orders to burn all the limericks
+when they came in, but some of the
+newer men seemed to think the
+entire thing was a big joke. Commander
+Bullman found one in the
+mess hall:</p>
+
+<div class="poem">
+<span class="i0">The Army will always be there,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">On the land, on the sea, in the air.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So why should the Navy<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Take all of the gravy ...<br /></span>
+</div>
+
+<p class="noin">to which a seagoing scribe had
+added:</p>
+
+<div class="poem">
+<span class="i0">And not give us ensigns our share?<br /></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The newspapers were filled daily
+with photographs of mighty B-36's
+landing on Lake Erie, and grinning
+soldiers making mock beachhead
+attacks on Coney Island. Each man
+wore a buzzing black box at his
+waist and walked on the bosom of
+the now quiet Atlantic like a biblical
+prophet.</p>
+
+<p>Radio and television also carried
+the thousands of news releases that
+poured in an unending flow from
+the Pentagon Building. Cards, letters,
+telegrams and packages descended
+on Washington in an overwhelming
+torrent. The Navy Department
+was the unhappy recipient
+of deprecatory letters and a vast
+quantity of little cardboard battleships.</p>
+
+<p>The people spoke and their representatives
+listened closely. This
+was an election year. There didn't
+seem to be much doubt as to the
+decision, particularly when the reduction
+in the budget was considered.</p>
+
+<p>It took Congress only two months
+to make up its collective mind. The
+people were all pro-Army. The novelty
+of the idea had fired their
+imaginations.</p>
+
+<p>They were about to take the final
+vote in the lower house. If the
+amendment passed it would go to
+the states for ratification, and their
+votes were certain to follow that of
+Congress. The Navy had fought a
+last-ditch battle to no avail. The
+balloting was going to be pretty
+much of a sure thing&mdash;the wet
+water Navy would soon become ancient
+history.</p>
+
+<p>For some reason the admirals
+didn't look as unhappy as they
+should.</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The Naval</span> Department had
+requested one last opportunity to
+address the Congress. Congress had
+patronizingly granted permission,
+for even the doomed man is allowed
+one last speech. Admiral Fitzjames,
+who had recovered from his choleric
+attack, was the appointed
+speaker.</p>
+
+<p>"Gentlemen of the Congress of
+the United States. We in the Navy
+have a fighting tradition. We 'damn
+the torpedoes' and sail straight
+ahead into the enemy's fire if that
+is necessary. We have been stabbed
+in the back&mdash;we have suffered a
+second Pearl Harbor sneak attack!
+The Army relinquished its rights
+to fair treatment with this attack.
+Therefore we are <i>counter-attacking</i>!"
+Worn out by his attacking
+and mixed metaphors, the Admiral
+mopped his brow.</p>
+
+<p>"Our laboratories have been
+working night and day on the perfection
+of a device we hoped we
+would never be forced to use. It
+is now in operation, having passed
+the final trials a few days ago.</p>
+
+<p>"The significance of this device
+<i>cannot</i> be underestimated. We are
+so positive of its importance that&mdash;we
+are <i>demanding</i> that the <i>Army</i>
+be abolished!"</p>
+
+<p>He waved his hand toward the
+window and bellowed one word.</p>
+
+<p>"LOOK!"</p>
+
+<p>Everyone looked. They blinked
+and looked again. They rubbed
+their eyes and kept looking.</p>
+
+<p>Sailing majestically up the middle
+of Constitution Avenue was the
+battleship Missouri.</p>
+
+<p>The Admiral's voice rang
+through the room like a trumpet of
+victory.</p>
+
+<p>"The Mark-1 Debinder, as you
+see, temporarily lessens the binding
+energies that hold molecules of solid
+matter together. Solids become liquids,
+and a ship equipped with
+this device can sail anywhere in the
+world&mdash;on sea <i>or</i> land. Take your
+vote, gentlemen; the world awaits
+your decision."</p>
+
+<p class="rgt"><b>... THE END</b></p>
+
+<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="297" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div>
+
+<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p>
+
+<p>This etext was produced from <i>If Worlds of Science Fiction</i> January 1954.
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
+copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
+typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div>
+
+<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30019 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
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+eBook #30019 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/30019)
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Navy Day, by Harry Harrison
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Navy Day
+
+Author: Harry Harrison
+
+Illustrator: Kelly Freas
+
+Release Date: September 18, 2009 [EBook #30019]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NAVY DAY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+ _The Army had a new theme song: "Anything
+ you can do, we can do better!" And they meant
+ _anything_, including up-to-date hornpipes!_
+
+
+                  NAVY DAY
+
+             By Harry Harrison
+
+         Illustrated by Kelly Freas
+
+
+General Wingrove looked at the rows of faces without seeing them. His
+vision went beyond the Congress of the United States, past the balmy
+June day to another day that was coming. A day when the Army would have
+its destined place of authority.
+
+He drew a deep breath and delivered what was perhaps the shortest speech
+ever heard in the hallowed halls of Congress:
+
+"The General Staff of the U.S. Army requests Congress to abolish the
+archaic branch of the armed forces known as the U.S. Navy."
+
+The aging Senator from Georgia checked his hearing aid to see if it was
+in operating order, while the press box emptied itself in one concerted
+rush and a clatter of running feet that died off in the direction of the
+telephone room. A buzz of excited comment ran through the giant chamber.
+One by one the heads turned to face the Naval section where rows of blue
+figures stirred and buzzed like smoked-out bees. The knot of men around
+a paunchy figure heavy with gold braid broke up and Admiral Fitzjames
+climbed slowly to his feet.
+
+Lesser men have quailed before that piercing stare, but General Wingrove
+was never the lesser man. The admiral tossed his head with disgust,
+every line of his body denoting outraged dignity. He turned to his
+audience, a small pulse beating in his forehead.
+
+"I cannot comprehend the general's attitude, nor can I understand why he
+has attacked the Navy in this unwarranted fashion. The Navy has existed
+and will always exist as the first barrier of American defense. I ask
+you, gentlemen, to ignore this request as you would ignore the
+statements of any person ... er, slightly demented. I should like to
+offer a recommendation that the general's sanity be investigated, and an
+inquiry be made as to the mental health of anyone else connected with
+this preposterous proposal!"
+
+The general smiled calmly. "I understand, Admiral, and really don't
+blame you for being slightly annoyed. But, please let us not bring this
+issue of national importance down to a shallow personal level. The Army
+has facts to back up this request--facts that shall be demonstrated
+tomorrow morning."
+
+Turning his back on the raging admiral, General Wingrove included all
+the assembled solons in one sweeping gesture.
+
+"Reserve your judgment until that time, gentlemen, make no hasty
+judgments until you have seen the force of argument with which we back
+up our request. It is the end of an era. In the morning the Navy joins
+its fellow fossils, the dodo and the brontosaurus."
+
+The admiral's blood pressure mounted to a new record and the gentle thud
+of his unconscious body striking the floor was the only sound to break
+the shocked silence of the giant hall.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The early morning sun warmed the white marble of the Jefferson Memorial
+and glinted from the soldiers' helmets and the roofs of the packed cars
+that crowded forward in a slow-moving stream. All the gentlemen of
+Congress were there, the passage of their cars cleared by the screaming
+sirens of motorcycle policemen. Around and under the wheels of the
+official cars pressed a solid wave of government workers and common
+citizens of the capital city. The trucks of the radio and television
+services pressed close, microphones and cameras extended.
+
+The stage was set for a great day. Neat rows of olive drab vehicles
+curved along the water's edge. Jeeps and half-tracks shouldered close by
+weapons carriers and six-bys, all of them shrinking to insignificance
+beside the looming Patton tanks. A speakers' platform was set up in the
+center of the line, near the audience.
+
+At precisely 10 a.m., General Wingrove stepped forward and scowled at
+the crowd until they settled into an uncomfortable silence. His speech
+was short and consisted of nothing more than amplifications of his
+opening statement that actions speak louder than words. He pointed to
+the first truck in line, a 2½-ton filled with an infantry squad sitting
+stiffly at attention.
+
+The driver caught the signal and kicked the engine into life; with a
+grind of gears it moved forward toward the river's edge. There was an
+indrawn gasp from the crowd as the front wheels ground over the marble
+parapet--then the truck was plunging down toward the muddy waters of the
+Potomac.
+
+The wheels touched the water and the surface seemed to sink while taking
+on a strange glassy character. The truck roared into high gear and rode
+forward on the surface of the water surrounded by a saucer-shaped
+depression. It parked two hundred yards off shore and the soldiers,
+goaded by the sergeant's bark, leapt out and lined up with a showy
+_present arms_.
+
+The general returned the salute and waved to the remaining vehicles.
+They moved forward in a series of maneuvers that indicated a great
+number of rehearsal hours on some hidden pond. The tanks rumbled slowly
+over the water while the jeeps cut back and forth through their lines in
+intricate patterns. The trucks backed and turned like puffing
+ballerinas.
+
+The audience was rooted in a hushed silence, their eyeballs bulging.
+They continued to watch the amazing display as General Wingrove spoke
+again:
+
+"You see before you a typical example of Army ingenuity, developed in
+Army laboratories. These motor units are supported on the surface of the
+water by an intensifying of the surface tension in their immediate area.
+Their weight is evenly distributed over the surface, causing the shallow
+depressions you see around them.
+
+"This remarkable feat has been accomplished by the use of the
+_Dornifier_. A remarkable invention that is named after that brilliant
+scientist, Colonel Robert A. Dorn, Commander of the Brooke Point
+Experimental Laboratory. It was there that one of the civilian employees
+discovered the Dorn effect--under the Colonel's constant guidance, of
+course.
+
+"Utilizing this invention the Army now becomes master of the sea as well
+as the land. Army convoys of trucks and tanks can blanket the world. The
+surface of the water is our highway, our motor park, our
+battleground--the airfield and runway for our planes."
+
+Mechanics were pushing a Shooting Star onto the water. They stepped
+clear as flame gushed from the tail pipe; with the familiar whooshing
+rumble it sped down the Potomac and hurled itself into the air.
+
+"When this cheap and simple method of crossing oceans is adopted, it
+will of course mean the end of that fantastic medieval anachronism, the
+Navy. No need for billion-dollar aircraft carriers, battleships,
+drydocks and all the other cumbersome junk that keeps those boats and
+things afloat. Give the taxpayer back his hard-earned dollar!"
+
+Teeth grated in the Naval section as carriers and battleships were
+called "boats" and the rest of America's sea might lumped under the
+casual heading of "things." Lips were curled at the transparent appeal
+to the taxpayer's pocketbook. But with leaden hearts they knew that all
+this justified wrath and contempt would avail them nothing. This was
+Army Day with a vengeance, and the doom of the Navy seemed inescapable.
+
+The Army had made elaborate plans for what they called "Operation
+Sinker." Even as the general spoke the publicity mills ground into high
+gear. From coast to coast the citizens absorbed the news with their
+morning nourishment.
+
+"... Agnes, you hear what the radio said! The Army's gonna give a trip
+around the world in a B-36 as first prize in this limerick contest. All
+you have to do is fill in the last line, and mail one copy to the
+Pentagon and the other to the Navy ..."
+
+The Naval mail room had standing orders to burn all the limericks when
+they came in, but some of the newer men seemed to think the entire thing
+was a big joke. Commander Bullman found one in the mess hall:
+
+    _The Army will always be there,
+    On the land, on the sea, in the air.
+    So why should the Navy
+    Take all of the gravy ..._
+
+to which a seagoing scribe had added:
+
+    _And not give us ensigns our share?_
+
+The newspapers were filled daily with photographs of mighty B-36's
+landing on Lake Erie, and grinning soldiers making mock beachhead
+attacks on Coney Island. Each man wore a buzzing black box at his waist
+and walked on the bosom of the now quiet Atlantic like a biblical
+prophet.
+
+Radio and television also carried the thousands of news releases that
+poured in an unending flow from the Pentagon Building. Cards, letters,
+telegrams and packages descended on Washington in an overwhelming
+torrent. The Navy Department was the unhappy recipient of deprecatory
+letters and a vast quantity of little cardboard battleships.
+
+The people spoke and their representatives listened closely. This was an
+election year. There didn't seem to be much doubt as to the decision,
+particularly when the reduction in the budget was considered.
+
+It took Congress only two months to make up its collective mind. The
+people were all pro-Army. The novelty of the idea had fired their
+imaginations.
+
+They were about to take the final vote in the lower house. If the
+amendment passed it would go to the states for ratification, and their
+votes were certain to follow that of Congress. The Navy had fought a
+last-ditch battle to no avail. The balloting was going to be pretty much
+of a sure thing--the wet water Navy would soon become ancient history.
+
+For some reason the admirals didn't look as unhappy as they should.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Naval Department had requested one last opportunity to address the
+Congress. Congress had patronizingly granted permission, for even the
+doomed man is allowed one last speech. Admiral Fitzjames, who had
+recovered from his choleric attack, was the appointed speaker.
+
+"Gentlemen of the Congress of the United States. We in the Navy have a
+fighting tradition. We 'damn the torpedoes' and sail straight ahead into
+the enemy's fire if that is necessary. We have been stabbed in the
+back--we have suffered a second Pearl Harbor sneak attack! The Army
+relinquished its rights to fair treatment with this attack. Therefore we
+are _counter-attacking_!" Worn out by his attacking and mixed metaphors,
+the Admiral mopped his brow.
+
+"Our laboratories have been working night and day on the perfection of a
+device we hoped we would never be forced to use. It is now in operation,
+having passed the final trials a few days ago.
+
+"The significance of this device _cannot_ be underestimated. We are so
+positive of its importance that--we are _demanding_ that the _Army_ be
+abolished!"
+
+He waved his hand toward the window and bellowed one word.
+
+"LOOK!"
+
+Everyone looked. They blinked and looked again. They rubbed their eyes
+and kept looking.
+
+Sailing majestically up the middle of Constitution Avenue was the
+battleship Missouri.
+
+The Admiral's voice rang through the room like a trumpet of victory.
+
+"The Mark-1 Debinder, as you see, temporarily lessens the binding
+energies that hold molecules of solid matter together. Solids become
+liquids, and a ship equipped with this device can sail anywhere in the
+world--on sea _or_ land. Take your vote, gentlemen; the world awaits
+your decision."
+
+                                                           ... THE END
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note:
+
+    This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ January
+    1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
+    copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
+    typographical errors have been corrected without note.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Navy Day, by Harry Harrison
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NAVY DAY ***
+
+***** This file should be named 30019-8.txt or 30019-8.zip *****
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+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Navy Day, by Harry Harrison
+    </title>
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+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Navy Day, by Harry Harrison
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Navy Day
+
+Author: Harry Harrison
+
+Illustrator: Kelly Freas
+
+Release Date: September 18, 2009 [EBook #30019]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NAVY DAY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<div class="figc"><img src="images/001.png" width="600" height="424" alt="" title="" /></div>
+
+<div class="bk1"><p><big><i>The Army had a new theme song: "Anything
+you can do, we can do better!" And they meant
+</i>anything<i>, including up-to-date hornpipes!</i></big></p></div>
+
+<h1><span class="sp1">NAVY DAY</span></h1>
+
+<h2>By Harry Harrison</h2>
+
+<div class="hd1">Illustrated by Kelly Freas</div>
+
+<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">General Wingrove</span>
+looked at the rows of faces
+without seeing them. His vision
+went beyond the Congress of the
+United States, past the balmy June
+day to another day that was coming.
+A day when the Army would
+have its destined place of authority.</p>
+
+<p>He drew a deep breath and delivered
+what was perhaps the
+shortest speech ever heard in the
+hallowed halls of Congress:</p>
+
+<p>"The General Staff of the U.S.
+Army requests Congress to abolish
+the archaic branch of the armed
+forces known as the U.S. Navy."</p>
+
+<p>The aging Senator from
+Georgia checked his hearing aid to
+see if it was in operating order,
+while the press box emptied itself
+in one concerted rush and a clatter
+of running feet that died off in
+the direction of the telephone
+room. A buzz of excited comment
+ran through the giant chamber.
+One by one the heads turned to
+face the Naval section where rows
+of blue figures stirred and buzzed
+like smoked-out bees. The knot of
+men around a paunchy figure heavy
+with gold braid broke up and Admiral
+Fitzjames climbed slowly to
+his feet.</p>
+
+<p>Lesser men have quailed before
+that piercing stare, but General
+Wingrove was never the lesser man.
+The admiral tossed his head with
+disgust, every line of his body denoting
+outraged dignity. He turned
+to his audience, a small pulse beating
+in his forehead.</p>
+
+<p>"I cannot comprehend the general's
+attitude, nor can I understand
+why he has attacked the Navy
+in this unwarranted fashion. The
+Navy has existed and will always
+exist as the first barrier of American
+defense. I ask you, gentlemen,
+to ignore this request as you would
+ignore the statements of any person ... er,
+slightly demented. I
+should like to offer a recommendation
+that the general's sanity be investigated,
+and an inquiry be made
+as to the mental health of anyone
+else connected with this preposterous
+proposal!"</p>
+
+<p>The general smiled calmly. "I
+understand, Admiral, and really
+don't blame you for being slightly
+annoyed. But, please let us not bring
+this issue of national importance
+down to a shallow personal level.
+The Army has facts to back up this
+request&mdash;facts that shall be demonstrated
+tomorrow morning."</p>
+
+<p>Turning his back on the raging
+admiral, General Wingrove included
+all the assembled solons in
+one sweeping gesture.</p>
+
+<p>"Reserve your judgment until
+that time, gentlemen, make no hasty
+judgments until you have seen the
+force of argument with which we
+back up our request. It is the end
+of an era. In the morning the Navy
+joins its fellow fossils, the dodo and
+the brontosaurus."</p>
+
+<p>The admiral's blood pressure
+mounted to a new record and the
+gentle thud of his unconscious body
+striking the floor was the only sound
+to break the shocked silence of the
+giant hall.</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The early</span> morning sun
+warmed the white marble of the
+Jefferson Memorial and glinted
+from the soldiers' helmets and the
+roofs of the packed cars that
+crowded forward in a slow-moving
+stream. All the gentlemen of Congress
+were there, the passage of
+their cars cleared by the screaming
+sirens of motorcycle policemen.
+Around and under the wheels of the
+official cars pressed a solid wave of
+government workers and common
+citizens of the capital city. The
+trucks of the radio and television
+services pressed close, microphones
+and cameras extended.</p>
+
+<p>The stage was set for a great day.
+Neat rows of olive drab vehicles
+curved along the water's edge. Jeeps
+and half-tracks shouldered close by
+weapons carriers and six-bys, all of
+them shrinking to insignificance beside
+the looming Patton tanks. A
+speakers' platform was set up in the
+center of the line, near the audience.</p>
+
+<p>At precisely 10 a.m., General Wingrove
+stepped forward and scowled
+at the crowd until they settled into
+an uncomfortable silence. His
+speech was short and consisted of
+nothing more than amplifications
+of his opening statement that actions
+speak louder than words. He
+pointed to the first truck in line, a
+2&frac12;-ton filled with an infantry
+squad sitting stiffly at attention.</p>
+
+<p>The driver caught the signal and
+kicked the engine into life; with
+a grind of gears it moved forward
+toward the river's edge. There was
+an indrawn gasp from the crowd
+as the front wheels ground over the
+marble parapet&mdash;then the truck was
+plunging down toward the muddy
+waters of the Potomac.</p>
+
+<p>The wheels touched the water
+and the surface seemed to sink
+while taking on a strange glassy
+character. The truck roared into
+high gear and rode forward on the
+surface of the water surrounded
+by a saucer-shaped depression. It
+parked two hundred yards off shore
+and the soldiers, goaded by the
+sergeant's bark, leapt out and lined
+up with a showy <i>present arms</i>.</p>
+
+<p>The general returned the salute
+and waved to the remaining vehicles.
+They moved forward in a
+series of maneuvers that indicated
+a great number of rehearsal hours
+on some hidden pond. The tanks
+rumbled slowly over the water
+while the jeeps cut back and forth
+through their lines in intricate patterns.
+The trucks backed and
+turned like puffing ballerinas.</p>
+
+<p>The audience was rooted in a
+hushed silence, their eyeballs bulging.
+They continued to watch the
+amazing display as General Wingrove
+spoke again:</p>
+
+<p>"You see before you a typical
+example of Army ingenuity, developed
+in Army laboratories. These
+motor units are supported on the
+surface of the water by an intensifying
+of the surface tension in
+their immediate area. Their weight
+is evenly distributed over the surface,
+causing the shallow depressions
+you see around them.</p>
+
+<p>"This remarkable feat has been
+accomplished by the use of the
+<i>Dornifier</i>. A remarkable invention
+that is named after that brilliant
+scientist, Colonel Robert A. Dorn,
+Commander of the Brooke Point
+Experimental Laboratory. It was
+there that one of the civilian employees
+discovered the Dorn effect&mdash;under
+the Colonel's constant guidance,
+of course.</p>
+
+<p>"Utilizing this invention the
+Army now becomes master of the
+sea as well as the land. Army convoys
+of trucks and tanks can blanket
+the world. The surface of the
+water is our highway, our motor
+park, our battleground&mdash;the airfield
+and runway for our planes."</p>
+
+<p>Mechanics were pushing a Shooting
+Star onto the water. They
+stepped clear as flame gushed from
+the tail pipe; with the familiar
+whooshing rumble it sped down the
+Potomac and hurled itself into the
+air.</p>
+
+<p>"When this cheap and simple
+method of crossing oceans is
+adopted, it will of course mean the
+end of that fantastic medieval
+anachronism, the Navy. No need
+for billion-dollar aircraft carriers,
+battleships, drydocks and all the
+other cumbersome junk that keeps
+those boats and things afloat. Give
+the taxpayer back his hard-earned
+dollar!"</p>
+
+<p>Teeth grated in the Naval section
+as carriers and battleships were
+called "boats" and the rest of
+America's sea might lumped under
+the casual heading of "things." Lips
+were curled at the transparent appeal
+to the taxpayer's pocketbook.
+But with leaden hearts they knew
+that all this justified wrath and contempt
+would avail them nothing.
+This was Army Day with a vengeance,
+and the doom of the Navy
+seemed inescapable.</p>
+
+<p>The Army had made elaborate
+plans for what they called "Operation
+Sinker." Even as the general
+spoke the publicity mills ground
+into high gear. From coast to coast
+the citizens absorbed the news with
+their morning nourishment.</p>
+
+<p>"... Agnes, you hear what the
+radio said! The Army's gonna give
+a trip around the world in a B-36
+as first prize in this limerick contest.
+All you have to do is fill in the
+last line, and mail one copy to
+the Pentagon and the other to the
+Navy ..."</p>
+
+<p>The Naval mail room had standing
+orders to burn all the limericks
+when they came in, but some of the
+newer men seemed to think the
+entire thing was a big joke. Commander
+Bullman found one in the
+mess hall:</p>
+
+<div class="poem">
+<span class="i0">The Army will always be there,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">On the land, on the sea, in the air.<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">So why should the Navy<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Take all of the gravy ...<br /></span>
+</div>
+
+<p class="noin">to which a seagoing scribe had
+added:</p>
+
+<div class="poem">
+<span class="i0">And not give us ensigns our share?<br /></span>
+</div>
+
+<p>The newspapers were filled daily
+with photographs of mighty B-36's
+landing on Lake Erie, and grinning
+soldiers making mock beachhead
+attacks on Coney Island. Each man
+wore a buzzing black box at his
+waist and walked on the bosom of
+the now quiet Atlantic like a biblical
+prophet.</p>
+
+<p>Radio and television also carried
+the thousands of news releases that
+poured in an unending flow from
+the Pentagon Building. Cards, letters,
+telegrams and packages descended
+on Washington in an overwhelming
+torrent. The Navy Department
+was the unhappy recipient
+of deprecatory letters and a vast
+quantity of little cardboard battleships.</p>
+
+<p>The people spoke and their representatives
+listened closely. This
+was an election year. There didn't
+seem to be much doubt as to the
+decision, particularly when the reduction
+in the budget was considered.</p>
+
+<p>It took Congress only two months
+to make up its collective mind. The
+people were all pro-Army. The novelty
+of the idea had fired their
+imaginations.</p>
+
+<p>They were about to take the final
+vote in the lower house. If the
+amendment passed it would go to
+the states for ratification, and their
+votes were certain to follow that of
+Congress. The Navy had fought a
+last-ditch battle to no avail. The
+balloting was going to be pretty
+much of a sure thing&mdash;the wet
+water Navy would soon become ancient
+history.</p>
+
+<p>For some reason the admirals
+didn't look as unhappy as they
+should.</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The Naval</span> Department had
+requested one last opportunity to
+address the Congress. Congress had
+patronizingly granted permission,
+for even the doomed man is allowed
+one last speech. Admiral Fitzjames,
+who had recovered from his choleric
+attack, was the appointed
+speaker.</p>
+
+<p>"Gentlemen of the Congress of
+the United States. We in the Navy
+have a fighting tradition. We 'damn
+the torpedoes' and sail straight
+ahead into the enemy's fire if that
+is necessary. We have been stabbed
+in the back&mdash;we have suffered a
+second Pearl Harbor sneak attack!
+The Army relinquished its rights
+to fair treatment with this attack.
+Therefore we are <i>counter-attacking</i>!"
+Worn out by his attacking
+and mixed metaphors, the Admiral
+mopped his brow.</p>
+
+<p>"Our laboratories have been
+working night and day on the perfection
+of a device we hoped we
+would never be forced to use. It
+is now in operation, having passed
+the final trials a few days ago.</p>
+
+<p>"The significance of this device
+<i>cannot</i> be underestimated. We are
+so positive of its importance that&mdash;we
+are <i>demanding</i> that the <i>Army</i>
+be abolished!"</p>
+
+<p>He waved his hand toward the
+window and bellowed one word.</p>
+
+<p>"LOOK!"</p>
+
+<p>Everyone looked. They blinked
+and looked again. They rubbed
+their eyes and kept looking.</p>
+
+<p>Sailing majestically up the middle
+of Constitution Avenue was the
+battleship Missouri.</p>
+
+<p>The Admiral's voice rang
+through the room like a trumpet of
+victory.</p>
+
+<p>"The Mark-1 Debinder, as you
+see, temporarily lessens the binding
+energies that hold molecules of solid
+matter together. Solids become liquids,
+and a ship equipped with
+this device can sail anywhere in the
+world&mdash;on sea <i>or</i> land. Take your
+vote, gentlemen; the world awaits
+your decision."</p>
+
+<p class="rgt"><b>... THE END</b></p>
+
+<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="297" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div>
+
+<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p>
+
+<p>This etext was produced from <i>If Worlds of Science Fiction</i> January 1954.
+Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
+copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
+typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Navy Day, by Harry Harrison
+
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+</pre>
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+</body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Navy Day, by Harry Harrison
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Navy Day
+
+Author: Harry Harrison
+
+Illustrator: Kelly Freas
+
+Release Date: September 18, 2009 [EBook #30019]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NAVY DAY ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration]
+
+
+ _The Army had a new theme song: "Anything
+ you can do, we can do better!" And they meant
+ _anything_, including up-to-date hornpipes!_
+
+
+                  NAVY DAY
+
+             By Harry Harrison
+
+         Illustrated by Kelly Freas
+
+
+General Wingrove looked at the rows of faces without seeing them. His
+vision went beyond the Congress of the United States, past the balmy
+June day to another day that was coming. A day when the Army would have
+its destined place of authority.
+
+He drew a deep breath and delivered what was perhaps the shortest speech
+ever heard in the hallowed halls of Congress:
+
+"The General Staff of the U.S. Army requests Congress to abolish the
+archaic branch of the armed forces known as the U.S. Navy."
+
+The aging Senator from Georgia checked his hearing aid to see if it was
+in operating order, while the press box emptied itself in one concerted
+rush and a clatter of running feet that died off in the direction of the
+telephone room. A buzz of excited comment ran through the giant chamber.
+One by one the heads turned to face the Naval section where rows of blue
+figures stirred and buzzed like smoked-out bees. The knot of men around
+a paunchy figure heavy with gold braid broke up and Admiral Fitzjames
+climbed slowly to his feet.
+
+Lesser men have quailed before that piercing stare, but General Wingrove
+was never the lesser man. The admiral tossed his head with disgust,
+every line of his body denoting outraged dignity. He turned to his
+audience, a small pulse beating in his forehead.
+
+"I cannot comprehend the general's attitude, nor can I understand why he
+has attacked the Navy in this unwarranted fashion. The Navy has existed
+and will always exist as the first barrier of American defense. I ask
+you, gentlemen, to ignore this request as you would ignore the
+statements of any person ... er, slightly demented. I should like to
+offer a recommendation that the general's sanity be investigated, and an
+inquiry be made as to the mental health of anyone else connected with
+this preposterous proposal!"
+
+The general smiled calmly. "I understand, Admiral, and really don't
+blame you for being slightly annoyed. But, please let us not bring this
+issue of national importance down to a shallow personal level. The Army
+has facts to back up this request--facts that shall be demonstrated
+tomorrow morning."
+
+Turning his back on the raging admiral, General Wingrove included all
+the assembled solons in one sweeping gesture.
+
+"Reserve your judgment until that time, gentlemen, make no hasty
+judgments until you have seen the force of argument with which we back
+up our request. It is the end of an era. In the morning the Navy joins
+its fellow fossils, the dodo and the brontosaurus."
+
+The admiral's blood pressure mounted to a new record and the gentle thud
+of his unconscious body striking the floor was the only sound to break
+the shocked silence of the giant hall.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The early morning sun warmed the white marble of the Jefferson Memorial
+and glinted from the soldiers' helmets and the roofs of the packed cars
+that crowded forward in a slow-moving stream. All the gentlemen of
+Congress were there, the passage of their cars cleared by the screaming
+sirens of motorcycle policemen. Around and under the wheels of the
+official cars pressed a solid wave of government workers and common
+citizens of the capital city. The trucks of the radio and television
+services pressed close, microphones and cameras extended.
+
+The stage was set for a great day. Neat rows of olive drab vehicles
+curved along the water's edge. Jeeps and half-tracks shouldered close by
+weapons carriers and six-bys, all of them shrinking to insignificance
+beside the looming Patton tanks. A speakers' platform was set up in the
+center of the line, near the audience.
+
+At precisely 10 a.m., General Wingrove stepped forward and scowled at
+the crowd until they settled into an uncomfortable silence. His speech
+was short and consisted of nothing more than amplifications of his
+opening statement that actions speak louder than words. He pointed to
+the first truck in line, a 2-1/2-ton filled with an infantry squad
+sitting stiffly at attention.
+
+The driver caught the signal and kicked the engine into life; with a
+grind of gears it moved forward toward the river's edge. There was an
+indrawn gasp from the crowd as the front wheels ground over the marble
+parapet--then the truck was plunging down toward the muddy waters of the
+Potomac.
+
+The wheels touched the water and the surface seemed to sink while taking
+on a strange glassy character. The truck roared into high gear and rode
+forward on the surface of the water surrounded by a saucer-shaped
+depression. It parked two hundred yards off shore and the soldiers,
+goaded by the sergeant's bark, leapt out and lined up with a showy
+_present arms_.
+
+The general returned the salute and waved to the remaining vehicles.
+They moved forward in a series of maneuvers that indicated a great
+number of rehearsal hours on some hidden pond. The tanks rumbled slowly
+over the water while the jeeps cut back and forth through their lines in
+intricate patterns. The trucks backed and turned like puffing
+ballerinas.
+
+The audience was rooted in a hushed silence, their eyeballs bulging.
+They continued to watch the amazing display as General Wingrove spoke
+again:
+
+"You see before you a typical example of Army ingenuity, developed in
+Army laboratories. These motor units are supported on the surface of the
+water by an intensifying of the surface tension in their immediate area.
+Their weight is evenly distributed over the surface, causing the shallow
+depressions you see around them.
+
+"This remarkable feat has been accomplished by the use of the
+_Dornifier_. A remarkable invention that is named after that brilliant
+scientist, Colonel Robert A. Dorn, Commander of the Brooke Point
+Experimental Laboratory. It was there that one of the civilian employees
+discovered the Dorn effect--under the Colonel's constant guidance, of
+course.
+
+"Utilizing this invention the Army now becomes master of the sea as well
+as the land. Army convoys of trucks and tanks can blanket the world. The
+surface of the water is our highway, our motor park, our
+battleground--the airfield and runway for our planes."
+
+Mechanics were pushing a Shooting Star onto the water. They stepped
+clear as flame gushed from the tail pipe; with the familiar whooshing
+rumble it sped down the Potomac and hurled itself into the air.
+
+"When this cheap and simple method of crossing oceans is adopted, it
+will of course mean the end of that fantastic medieval anachronism, the
+Navy. No need for billion-dollar aircraft carriers, battleships,
+drydocks and all the other cumbersome junk that keeps those boats and
+things afloat. Give the taxpayer back his hard-earned dollar!"
+
+Teeth grated in the Naval section as carriers and battleships were
+called "boats" and the rest of America's sea might lumped under the
+casual heading of "things." Lips were curled at the transparent appeal
+to the taxpayer's pocketbook. But with leaden hearts they knew that all
+this justified wrath and contempt would avail them nothing. This was
+Army Day with a vengeance, and the doom of the Navy seemed inescapable.
+
+The Army had made elaborate plans for what they called "Operation
+Sinker." Even as the general spoke the publicity mills ground into high
+gear. From coast to coast the citizens absorbed the news with their
+morning nourishment.
+
+"... Agnes, you hear what the radio said! The Army's gonna give a trip
+around the world in a B-36 as first prize in this limerick contest. All
+you have to do is fill in the last line, and mail one copy to the
+Pentagon and the other to the Navy ..."
+
+The Naval mail room had standing orders to burn all the limericks when
+they came in, but some of the newer men seemed to think the entire thing
+was a big joke. Commander Bullman found one in the mess hall:
+
+    _The Army will always be there,
+    On the land, on the sea, in the air.
+    So why should the Navy
+    Take all of the gravy ..._
+
+to which a seagoing scribe had added:
+
+    _And not give us ensigns our share?_
+
+The newspapers were filled daily with photographs of mighty B-36's
+landing on Lake Erie, and grinning soldiers making mock beachhead
+attacks on Coney Island. Each man wore a buzzing black box at his waist
+and walked on the bosom of the now quiet Atlantic like a biblical
+prophet.
+
+Radio and television also carried the thousands of news releases that
+poured in an unending flow from the Pentagon Building. Cards, letters,
+telegrams and packages descended on Washington in an overwhelming
+torrent. The Navy Department was the unhappy recipient of deprecatory
+letters and a vast quantity of little cardboard battleships.
+
+The people spoke and their representatives listened closely. This was an
+election year. There didn't seem to be much doubt as to the decision,
+particularly when the reduction in the budget was considered.
+
+It took Congress only two months to make up its collective mind. The
+people were all pro-Army. The novelty of the idea had fired their
+imaginations.
+
+They were about to take the final vote in the lower house. If the
+amendment passed it would go to the states for ratification, and their
+votes were certain to follow that of Congress. The Navy had fought a
+last-ditch battle to no avail. The balloting was going to be pretty much
+of a sure thing--the wet water Navy would soon become ancient history.
+
+For some reason the admirals didn't look as unhappy as they should.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The Naval Department had requested one last opportunity to address the
+Congress. Congress had patronizingly granted permission, for even the
+doomed man is allowed one last speech. Admiral Fitzjames, who had
+recovered from his choleric attack, was the appointed speaker.
+
+"Gentlemen of the Congress of the United States. We in the Navy have a
+fighting tradition. We 'damn the torpedoes' and sail straight ahead into
+the enemy's fire if that is necessary. We have been stabbed in the
+back--we have suffered a second Pearl Harbor sneak attack! The Army
+relinquished its rights to fair treatment with this attack. Therefore we
+are _counter-attacking_!" Worn out by his attacking and mixed metaphors,
+the Admiral mopped his brow.
+
+"Our laboratories have been working night and day on the perfection of a
+device we hoped we would never be forced to use. It is now in operation,
+having passed the final trials a few days ago.
+
+"The significance of this device _cannot_ be underestimated. We are so
+positive of its importance that--we are _demanding_ that the _Army_ be
+abolished!"
+
+He waved his hand toward the window and bellowed one word.
+
+"LOOK!"
+
+Everyone looked. They blinked and looked again. They rubbed their eyes
+and kept looking.
+
+Sailing majestically up the middle of Constitution Avenue was the
+battleship Missouri.
+
+The Admiral's voice rang through the room like a trumpet of victory.
+
+"The Mark-1 Debinder, as you see, temporarily lessens the binding
+energies that hold molecules of solid matter together. Solids become
+liquids, and a ship equipped with this device can sail anywhere in the
+world--on sea _or_ land. Take your vote, gentlemen; the world awaits
+your decision."
+
+                                                           ... THE END
+
+
+
+
+Transcriber's Note:
+
+    This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ January
+    1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
+    copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
+    typographical errors have been corrected without note.
+
+
+
+
+
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