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diff --git a/old/28488-h.zip b/old/28488-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 049c7e8..0000000 --- a/old/28488-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/28488-h/28488-h.htm b/old/28488-h/28488-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index ff23f43..0000000 --- a/old/28488-h/28488-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2857 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> -<html> -<head> -<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1"> -<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Tartuffe, by Jean-Baptiste Poquelin Moliere</title> -</head> -<body> -<h1>The Project Gutenberg eBook, Tartuffe, by Jean-Baptiste Poquelin Moliere, -Translated by Jeffrey D. Hoeper</h1> - -<p> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</p> - -<p>Title: Tartuffe<br /> - or The Hypocrite</p> -<p>Author: Jean-Baptiste Poquelin Moliere</p> -<p>Translator: Jeffrey D. Hoeper</p> -<p>Release Date: October 1, 2009 [eBook #28488]<br /> - [Most recently updated July 30 2023]</p> -<p>Language: English</p> -<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> -<p>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TARTUFFE ***</p> -<p>This work is granted to the public domain by its translator, -Jeffrey D. Hoeper.</p> -<p> -<b>Characters</b><br> -<br> -MADAME PERNELLE, Orgon's mother--(the mother-in-law)<br> -ORGON, Elmire's husband--(the dupe)<br> -ELMIRE, Orgon's wife<br> -DAMIS, Orgon's son, Elmire's stepson--(the hot-headed youth)<br> -MARIANE, Orgon's daughter, Elmire's stepdaughter, and Valere's lover--(the ingenue)<br> -CLEANTE, Orgon's brother-in-law--(the raisonneur)<br> -TARTUFFE, the hypocrite<br> -DORINE, Mariane's maid--(the impertinent maid)<br> -M. LOYAL, a bailiff<br> -POLICE OFFICER<br> -FLIPOTE, Madame Pernelle's servant<br> -LAURENT, Tartuffe's servant<br> -<br> -<i>The Scene is at Paris</i><br> -<br> -<br> -<b>ACT I<br> -SCENE I<br> -<br> -Madame Pernelle and her servant Flipote, Elmire, Mariane, Dorine, Damis, Cleante<br> -<br> -Mme. Pernelle.</b> Let's go, Flipote, let's go. I hate this place.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I can't keep up, you rush at such a pace.<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> Peace, my dear, peace; come no farther.<br> -I don't wish to cause you any bother.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> What duty demands, I insist on giving.<br> -But, mother, what has caused your hasty leaving?<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> I just can't stand the way your household runs . . .<br> -And no one cares what I wish to have done.<br> -Oh, yes, I leave your household quite dissatisfied<br> -For all my wise advice has been defied . . .<br> -And nobody respects me, and everybody shouts,<br> -And truly this is a home for the king of louts!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> If . . .<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> You, my dearie, are a bold lassy,<br> -A little brazen and very sassy,<br> -You butt into everything to speak your mind.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> But . . .<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> You, grandson, are a fool of the worst kind.<br> -It is I, your grandmother, that pronounce this edict<br> -And to my son, your father, I have oft predicted<br> -That you'll turn out to be a worthless wastrel,<br> -And give him in life a foretaste of Hell.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> I think . . .<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> My lord, his sister! You seem so discreet<br> -And so untainted, so very sweet,<br> -But the stillest waters are filled with scum,<br> -And your sly ways earn my revulsion.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> But . . .<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> Daughter, my views may make you mad,<br> -But your conduct in all things is all bad.<br> -In your family's eyes you should be an example-setter;<br> -In that respect their late mother did far better.<br> -You are extravagant, and it wounds me, I guess,<br> -To see you sashay about dressed like a princess.<br> -A woman who wishes only to please her mate,<br> -Dear daughter, need not primp and undulate.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Madam, after all . . .<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> And her brother, as for you,<br> -I respect you, love you, and revere you, too,<br> -But finally, if I were my son, her spouse,<br> -I would at once beg you to leave this house.<br> -Without cease you teach your rules and mottos<br> -Which decent people should never follow.<br> -I now speak frankly, but it is my part;<br> -I never spare the words that stir my heart.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> Your man Tartuffe is satisfied, no fear . . .<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> He is a holy man whom all should hear,<br> -And I cannot bear, without great rue,<br> -To hear him mocked by a fool like you.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> What? Am I myself to bear a carping critic,<br> -A base usurper with a power tyrannic,<br> -Such that we can do nothing for diversion<br> -Without hearing about that creep's aversion?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> If we were to hear and obey his whims,<br> -We couldn't do anything without sins<br> -For he forbids all, this false Capuchin.<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> And everything he forbids is well forbidden.<br> -He strives to guide you on the road to heaven,<br> -And it's my son's duty to make you love him.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> No, grandma, neither dad nor anyone else<br> -Can oblige me to wish for his good health.<br> -I'd be false to myself if I didn't say this:<br> -When I see him around, I begin to get pissed.<br> -I can smell the outcome, and soon this coot<br> -And I will find ourselves in a grand dispute.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> It's certainly a clear cause for remark<br> -When a nobody acts like a patriarch,<br> -A beggar who was barefoot when he came hence<br> -And whose whole wardrobe wasn't worth two cents!<br> -And he's gone so far as to forget his past for<br> -He opposes everything and plays the master.<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> Ah! mercy on me! Things would be better,<br> -If you'd only follow his holy orders.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> He passes for a saint in your fantasy,<br> -But, I swear, he acts with hypocrisy.<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> Watch your tongue!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Not to him nor his man Laurent<br> -Would I trust my honor without good warrant.<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> I don't know what his servant's like at heart,<br> -But for the man himself, I'll guarantee his part.<br> -You only treat him with hate and aversion<br> -Because he truly strives for your conversion.<br> -He hurls his heart up against each sin<br> -And the glory of God is all he hopes to win.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Yes. But why, especially during some<br> -Time past, must he ban all guests from our home?<br> -Can a courtesy call offend Heaven<br> -Enough to merit a huge commotion?<br> -Would you like it explained, just between us? [<i>Gesturing toward Elmire.</i>]<br> -Of Madam there, on my oath, he's jealous!<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> Be quiet, and think before you speak.<br> -Others, too, condemn the company you keep.<br> -All this bustle from the people who arrive,<br> -The carriages ceaselessly parking at curb-side,<br> -And the servants in a circle chattering,<br> -Makes noise that your neighbors find nerve-shattering.<br> -I'd like to think there's no harm meant,<br> -But when gossips talk, they're malevolent.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> How can you hope to stop people talking?<br> -It would truly be most irritating<br> -If, for the sake of idle, foolish chatter,<br> -We must renounce the friends that really matter.<br> -And even if we could resolve to do it,<br> -How could you hope to keep the whole world quiet?<br> -No castle wall can defend against lies,<br> -So let's ignore the fools who criticize,<br> -And strive to live in innocence and ease,<br> -Letting gossips gossip as they please.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Daphne, our neighbor, and her petty spouse--<br> -Weren't they the ones who slandered this house?<br> -Those whom the whole world finds ridiculous<br> -Are always first in line to stick it to us.<br> -They never fail to sniff out and swiftly share<br> -The earliest rumor of a love affair,<br> -Sowing seeds of scandal with eager expedition<br> -And twisting truth past all recognition.<br> -In their own colors, they paint all others,<br> -Brazenly calling all men their brothers;<br> -In the faint hope of finding some resemblance,<br> -They try to give a gloss of innocence<br> -To their schemes or to make others share<br> -The burden of blame that is only theirs.<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle.</b> All this hair-splitting is off the subject.<br> -Orante lives a life that is perfect<br> -With all her thoughts on heaven, and I hear<br> -That she deeply mourns the way you live here.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> The lady herself is quite an example!<br> -You want a chaste life? She's a nice sample.<br> -But old age has stuck her in this zealous mood,<br> -And everyone knows she's a reluctant prude.<br> -'Cause as long as she could snare a man's heart,<br> -She was more than willing to play her part.<br> -But now that her eyes have lost their luster,<br> -She leaves the world that already left her<br> -And uses a pompous veil of phony wisdom<br> -To hide the fact that her looks are gone.<br> -It's the last resort of the aging flirt,<br> -So peeved at having no man at her skirt<br> -That, alone and abandoned to solitude,<br> -Her only recourse is to become a prude.<br> -And these good women censure all with such<br> -Great severity; nor do they pardon much.<br> -They biliously blame immorality<br> -Not from charity, but only from envy<br> -That others are drinking in that pleasure<br> -From which old age now drains their measure.<br> -<b>Mme. Pernelle</b> [<i>to Elmire</i>]. Such idle tales form a silly song.<br> -In your home, my dear, I've been silenced too long<br> -Because, like a crap-shooter with the die,<br> -Madame won't give up her turn; but now my<br> -Chance has come. I applaud my son's great wisdom<br> -In opening his home to this holy person<br> -Who's been heaven-sent to meet your needs<br> -In turning from evil to God's holy deeds.<br> -For your soul's salvation, please pay attention:<br> -What he reprehends, merits reprehension.<br> -These visits, these balls, these conversations<br> -Are flawless signs of Satanic possession.<br> -In them you never hear the holy Credo--<br> -Just songs, chatter, gossip, malice, and innuendo.<br> -Often the neighbors get stabbed to the heart<br> -By vicious lies from the third or fourth part.<br> -So good people suffer real anxiety<br> -From the sad confusion spread at your party.<br> -A slew of slanders are spread along the way<br> -And, as a doctor told me the other day,<br> -This is truly the Tower of Babylon<br> -Because everyone babbles on and on;<br> -And, to tell a story that now comes to mind . . .<br> -Now look at him and how he laughs! [<i>Indicating Cleante</i>.] Go find<br> -Some snickering fools. They are just your kind!<br> -[<i>To Elmire</i>.] Adieu, my daughter. I'll say no more.<br> -But I don't intend to darken your door<br> -For a long, long time. You've fallen from grace.<br> -[<i>Slapping Flipote</i>.] Hurry up, there! Don't stand staring into space!<br> -Lord Almighty! I'll slap your silly face.<br> -Go on, you slut, go on.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE II<br> -Cleante, Dorine</b><br> -<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> I'm not following;<br> -I'm sure there'd only be more quarrelling.<br> -How that old harridan . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Oh, how I regret<br> -That she can't hear you use that epithet.<br> -She'd tell you at length what she thinks of your wit,<br> -And that she's not old enough to merit it.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> What a fuss she made about nearly nothing!<br> -And what a passion for Tartuffe, her darling!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Oh! Really, she's normal compared to her son,<br> -And if you could see him, you'd say, "Here's one<br> -Who's nuts!" During the war, he seemed quite sage,<br> -And in serving his prince, showed some courage,<br> -But now he's become an absolute fool<br> -Since he gave himself up to Tartuffe's rule.<br> -He calls him his brother and the love of his life--<br> -More dear than mother, daughter, son, or wife.<br> -He's the sole confidant of all his secrets<br> -And the sole director of all his projects.<br> -He caresses him, kisses him, and could not show a mistress<br> -More love and affection than he gives to this<br> -Leech. At dinner he gives him the highest place<br> -And watches with joy as he stuffs his face<br> -With cakes and tarts and often the best part<br> -Of a pig, and if he should happen to hiccup or fart,<br> -Says, "God be with you!" He's mad about him--<br> -His honey, his hero. He always quotes him<br> -And admires his deeds. His smallest acts are miracles<br> -And even his stupidest words are oracles.<br> -Tartuffe, who uses his dupe to make a buck,<br> -Knows a hundred wily ways to pluck this duck;<br> -He rakes off great sums with his biblical bull<br> -And demands the right to censor us all.<br> -His foolish footman has such presumption<br> -That even he dares to give us instruction.<br> -Madly preaching, he scatters with eyes afire<br> -Our ribbons, our rouge, and our best attire.<br> -Last night he ripped up with his own bare hands<br> -A kerchief left lying in <i>The Holy Lands</i>,<br> -Claiming our crime was truly gigantic<br> -In mixing what's holy with what's Satanic.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE III<br> -Elmire, Mariane, Damis, Cleante, Dorine</b><br> -<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>to Cleante</i>]. You should be glad you missed the dreadful chore<br> -Of attending her lecture beside the door--<br> -Here comes my spouse! Since he doesn't see me,<br> -I'm going upstairs to rest quietly.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Then I'll remain with no pleasure on my part<br> -To tell him hello and then quickly depart.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> Ask him about the marriage of Mariane.<br> -I think Tartuffe will oppose it if he can,<br> -For he sets up so many prerequisites,<br> -And you know what an interest I take in it.<br> -The heat that inflames my sister and Valere<br> -Has made his sweet sister so very dear<br> -To me that if . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Shh, he's here.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE IV<br> -Orgon, Cleante, Dorine</b><br> -<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Hello, brother!<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> I'm glad you've returned before my departure.<br> -The countryside isn't quite blossoming yet.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Dorine . . . One second brother, please! Just let<br> -Me set my heart at ease and soothe my fear<br> -Concerning the things that have happened here. [<i>To Dorine</i>.]<br> -For these past two days, how have things gone on?<br> -What has happened? And how is everyone?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> The first day your wife had a bad fever<br> -And a headache that just wouldn't leave her.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> And Tartuffe?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Tartuffe? He's in splendid shape,<br> -Fat and flabby, with red lips, and a shining face.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Poor fellow!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> That night, your wife felt so sick<br> -And so feverish that she could only pick<br> -At her dinner and scarcely ate a bite.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> And Tartuffe?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> He alone ate with all his might,<br> -And devoutly devoured a pair of pheasants<br> -And a leg of lamb in our lady's presence.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Poor fellow!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> The whole night passed before she<br> -Could even close her eyes to fall asleep;<br> -Shivers and chills beset her in bed,<br> -And right up till dawn we watched her with dread.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> And Tartuffe?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Drowsy from all that he'd consumed,<br> -He left the table, went straight to his room,<br> -And fell quickly into his nice, warm sack<br> -Where he slept all night flat on his back.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Poor fellow.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> At last your wife began heeding<br> -Our good advice that she needed bleeding,<br> -And she began to recover soon thereafter.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> And Tartuffe?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> He couldn't have been any better.<br> -To fortify himself against every ill<br> -And to regain the blood that Madam spilled,<br> -He drank at brunch four great glasses of wine.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Poor fellow!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Both of them are now quite fine;<br> -I'll now be going up to tell your wife<br> -Of your deep concern at this threat to her life.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE V<br> -Orgon, Cleante</b><br> -<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> She's making fun of you to your face, brother;<br> -And, though I don't intend to be a bother,<br> -I must frankly admit that there's some justice<br> -In what she says. What a crazy caprice<br> -You have for him! And how could he exert<br> -Such charm that you'll even let your wife be hurt?<br> -After taking this pauper into your heart,<br> -You go so far . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Stop there! Or we must part!<br> -You don't know the man to whom you refer.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Okay. Say I don't know him if you prefer,<br> -But then to know what sort of man he might be . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Brother, you'd be charmed if you could only see<br> -Him, and your glee would be . . . gargantuan!<br> -He's a man who . . . who . . . a man . . . well, a man!<br> -Learn from him a peacefulness most exquisite,<br> -That lets you drop your woes like . . . dried horseshit!<br> -Yes, I've been reborn because of his preaching:<br> -He teaches me that I shouldn't love anything,<br> -From every earthly passion he has freed my life;<br> -I'd watch my brother, mother, children, and wife<br> -Drop dead without caring so much as that! [<i>He snaps his fingers</i>.]<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> You've sure got humane sentiments down pat!<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Ah! If you'd seen him as I did at first,<br> -Your eyes would have feasted on him with a spiritual thirst!<br> -Each day he came to church smiling with sweet peace<br> -And threw himself down before me on both knees.<br> -He drew upon himself the eyes of everyone there<br> -By the holy fervor of his pious prayer.<br> -He sighed and wept with a most saintly passion<br> -And humbly kissed the earth in a fetching fashion;<br> -And when I was going, he rushed out front<br> -To bless me with water from the holy font.<br> -His servant (matching his master to a T)<br> -Then informed me of his identity--<br> -And his poverty. So I made a donation,<br> -But then he tried to return a portion.<br> -"It's too much," he said. "You're too generous;<br> -I don't merit your pity and kindness."<br> -And when I refused to take it back, he gave<br> -It in alms to the poor right there in the nave.<br> -Then God bade me take him into my home<br> -And now life is sweet as a honeycomb.<br> -He governs us all, and to protect my honor<br> -Bids my wife grant his godly rule upon her.<br> -He forewarns me of men who might give her the eye,<br> -And he really seems far more jealous than I!<br> -Why, you wouldn't believe his fear of Hell!<br> -He thinks himself damned for the least bagatelle.<br> -Such trifles suffice to scandalize him<br> -That he even accused himself of sin<br> -For having slain with a bit too much wrath<br> -A flea that just happened to cross his path.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> My goodness, brother! I think you're crazy!<br> -Are you mocking me with sheer lunacy?<br> -And how can you pretend that this pure rot . . . ?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Dear brother, your words reek of that free thought<br> -With which I find you more than a bit impeached,<br> -And, as ten times or more I have clearly preached,<br> -You will soon find yourself in a wicked bind.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Now this is the normal jargon of your kind.<br> -They want everyone to be as blind as they are.<br> -To be clear-sighted, is to be in error,<br> -And one who rejects their vain hypocrisy<br> -Has no respect for faith or sanctity.<br> -Go on, all your tart sermons scarcely smart;<br> -I know what I'm saying, and God sees my heart.<br> -I'm not a slave to your silly ceremony.<br> -There is false piety like false bravery;<br> -Just as one often sees, when honor calls us,<br> -That the bravest men never make the most fuss,<br> -So, too, the good Christians, whom one should follow,<br> -Are not those who find life so hard to swallow.<br> -What now? Will you not make any distinction<br> -Between hypocrisy and true devotion?<br> -Would you wish to use the same commonplace<br> -To describe both a mere mask and a true face?<br> -To equate artifice with sincerity<br> -Is to confound appearance and reality.<br> -To admire a shadow as much as you do<br> -Is to prefer counterfeit money to true.<br> -The majority of men are strangely made!<br> -And their true natures are rarely displayed.<br> -For them the bounds of reason are too small;<br> -In their shabby souls they love to lounge and sprawl.<br> -And very often they spoil a noble deed<br> -By their urge for excess and reckless speed.<br> -But all this, brother, is idle chatter.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Without doubt you are a renowned teacher;<br> -With all the world's knowledge in your coffer.<br> -You're the only oracle, the wisest sage,<br> -The enlightened one, the Cato of our age;<br> -And next to you, all other men are dumb.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Brother, I know I'm not the wisest one<br> -Nor the most learned man in Christendom<br> -But in moral matters my greatest coup<br> -Is to differentiate false from true.<br> -And since I know of no heroes about<br> -More to be praised than the truly devout<br> -And nothing at all with greater appeal<br> -Than the holy fervor of saintly zeal,<br> -So too nothing could be more odious<br> -Than the white-washed face of a zeal that's specious,<br> -Or these frank charlatans, seeking places,<br> -Whose false and sacrilegious double faces<br> -Exploit our love of God and make a game<br> -Of our reverence for Christ's holy name.<br> -These people who, with a shop-keeper's soul,<br> -Make cheap trinkets to trade on the Credo,<br> -And hope to purchase credit and favor<br> -Bought with sly winks and affected fervor;<br> -These people, I say, whose uncommon hurry<br> -On the path to Heaven leads through their treasury,<br> -Who, writhing and praying, demand a profit each day<br> -And call for a Retreat while pocketing their pay,<br> -Who know how to tally their zeal with their vices,--<br> -Faithless, vindictive, full of artifices--<br> -To ruin someone they'll conceal their resentment<br> -With a capacious cloak of Godly contentment.<br> -They are doubly dangerous in their vicious ire<br> -Because they destroy us with what we admire,<br> -And their piety, which gains them an accolade,<br> -Is a tool to slay us with a sacred blade.<br> -There are many men in this false disguise,<br> -But those with pure hearts are easy to recognize.<br> -Our age, my friend, has brought into plain sight<br> -Many glorious examples of what is right.<br> -Look at Ariston, or Periandre,<br> -Oronte, Alcidamus, or Clitandre;<br> -Their title is one that all agree to.<br> -They decline any fanfare for their virtue;<br> -They don't indulge in vain ostentation;<br> -Their humane faith finds form in moderation;<br> -They never censure all of our actions,<br> -For they sense the vain pride in such transactions.<br> -And, leaving boastful rhetoric to others,<br> -By their own actions they reprove their brothers.<br> -The appearance of evil is no concern of theirs;<br> -They cast the best light on others' affairs.<br> -They plot no intrigues; seek no one to fleece;<br> -Their only concern is to live at peace.<br> -They don't seek to cause any sinner chagrin;<br> -Their abhorrence is directed only at sin.<br> -And they don't take the side of God more extremely<br> -Than God himself--who could act supremely!<br> -These are my models, and these are their ways;<br> -Such examples are the ones that most merit praise.<br> -But your man, in truth, is not made from such steel.<br> -In good faith, perhaps, you praise his great zeal,<br> -But I think you're dazed by his meaningless<br> -Glitter.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Dear brother-in-law, are you finished?<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Yes.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Your humble servant. [<i>He begins to leave</i>.]<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Pardon me. One word, brother.<br> -Let's drop this discussion. You know that Valere<br> -Has your word that he'll be Mariane's spouse.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Yes.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> And you've announced this fact in your house.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> That is true.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Then why postpone the event?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I don't know.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Do you intend to recant?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Perhaps.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> How could you go back on your word?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I didn't say I would.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> I hope no absurd<br> -Hitch could make you retract your own promise.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> We'll see.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Why do you speak with such finesse? <br> -Valere sent me to ask you this verbatim.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Praise God!<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> But what shall I report to him?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> What you please.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> But it is essential<br> -To know your plans. What are they?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> To do all<br> -That God wishes.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Stick to the point. I know<br> -Your promise. Will you keep it? Yes, or no?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Farewell.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> I fear his promise will be withdrawn,<br> -So I'd better report what's going on.<br> -<br> -<br> -<b>ACT II<br> -<br> -SCENE I<br> -Orgon, Mariane</b><br> -<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Mariane.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Yes.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Come here. We need to speak<br> -Privately.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Father, what is it you seek?<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>looking in the closet</i>]. I'm seeing if anyone can overhear us.<br> -This is a perfect place for such a purpose.<br> -There now, it's okay. Mariane, I find<br> -You endowed with a heart that's sweet and kind<br> -And you have always been most dear to me.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> A father's love brings true felicity.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Well said, my child! And to earn it fully<br> -You should devote yourself to contenting me.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> That's how my devotion is put to the proof.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Good. Now what do you think of our guest, Tartuffe?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Who me?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> You. Think well before you reply.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Oh my! Tell me what to say . . . and I'll comply.<br> -<br> -[<i>Dorine enters quietly and hides herself behind Orgon without being seen.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> That's sensibly spoken. Now tell me, girl,<br> -That his merit shines like a gleaming pearl,<br> -That he warms your heart, and that you would rejoice<br> -To have him be your husband by my choice.<br> -Eh?<br> -<br> -[<i>Mariane recoils in dismay.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Eh?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> What's that?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Please?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> What?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Am I in error?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Why?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Whom do you wish that I should now swear<br> -Touches my heart--and who would rejoice me<br> -If we joined, by your choice, in matrimony?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Tartuffe.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Out of the question, father, I assure<br> -You! Why urge on me such an imposture?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> But, my dear, I wish it to be true,<br> -And it should be enough that I've chosen for you.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> What? Father, would you . . .?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Yes, I intend, you see<br> -To unite in marriage Tartuffe and my family.<br> -He will be your husband. I do declare it!<br> -Since you have promised . . .<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE II<br> -Dorine, Orgon, Mariane</b><br> -<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>perceiving Dorine</i>]. What do you stare at?<br> -You must be eaten up with curiosity<br> -To eavesdrop on my daughter and me.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I don't know whether the rumor I hear<br> -Is sly conjecture or a wicked smear;<br> -But I've just heard word of this marriage,<br> -And I trust it is only verbiage.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Why? Is the idea itself so very absurd?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I wouldn't believe it, sir, if you gave your word!<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I will make you believe it by-and-by.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Yes. You're going to tell us a bald-faced lie.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I am only saying what you will soon see.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Nonsense!<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> What I say, dear girl, will soon be.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Go on. Don't believe him! It's too bizarre!<br> -He's joking.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I say . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No, you've gone too far,<br> -And no one believes you.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Damn you, you shrew . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Well, I believe you then; the worse for you.<br> -What? Monsieur, can you pose as one who's sage,<br> -Gravely stroking your bearded visage?<br> -And still be fool enough to wish . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Hear me!<br> -I have given you too much liberty,<br> -And it no longer gives me any pleasure.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Monsieur, please. Keep your anger within measure.<br> -Are you mocking us with your silly plot?<br> -Your daughter is no match for a bigot;<br> -He has other schemes to worry about.<br> -And what would you gain if she wed this lout?<br> -With your wealth, what benefit would it bring<br> -To pick a bum . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Ssh! Say he has nothing;<br> -For that reason, you should revere him the more.<br> -He is a holy man and nobly poor.<br> -It raises him up to greater grandeur<br> -That he has renounced all wealth by his pure<br> -Detachment from the merely temporal<br> -And his powerful love for the Eternal.<br> -But my assistance may give him the means<br> -To restore his lands and remove his liens.<br> -He is a man of repute in the land of his birth,<br> -And, even as he is, he's a man of worth.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Yes, so he tells us, but his vanity<br> -Does not sit so well with true piety.<br> -A man pleased with a simple sanctity<br> -Needn't vaunt his name and his dignity,<br> -And the humility born of devotion<br> -Suffers beneath such blatant ambition.<br> -What good is his pride? . . . But perhaps I digress:<br> -Let's speak of the man--not his nobleness.<br> -Can you bestow, without feeling like a rat,<br> -A girl like this on a man like that?<br> -And shouldn't you think of propriety<br> -And foresee the end with anxiety?<br> -We know that some girls cannot remain chaste<br> -If their husband's tush is not to their taste,<br> -And that the best-laid plans for an honest life<br> -Are somewhat easier for the best-laid wife,<br> -And that many a man with a horned head<br> -Has driven his wife to another man's bed.<br> -It is entirely too much to ask<br> -That a wife be faithful to a flabby ass.<br> -And one who gives a girl to a man she hates<br> -Is guilty before God for all her mistakes.<br> -Consider the perils you expose yourself to.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> So you think I should learn how to live from you!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> You could do worse than follow my lead.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Dear daughter, do drop this maid's daffy creed;<br> -I know what's best for you in this affair.<br> -It's true I betrothed you to young Valere,<br> -But I hear he likes his dicing and drinking<br> -And even worse is inclined to free-thinking.<br> -I note with regret we don't see him at mass.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Must he be there the same moment you pass<br> -Like those who attend only to be seen?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Your advice isn't wanted. Don't intervene.<br> -Tartuffe is on the path to salvation,<br> -And that is a treasure past calculation.<br> -This wedding will bring blessings beyond measure,<br> -And be crowned with great sweetness and pleasure.<br> -Together you will live, thriving on love<br> -Like new-born babes, or a pair of turtledoves.<br> -You will never be found in angry debate<br> -For you will find all that you wish in this mate.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> She'll only make him a cuckold, I'm sure.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> What?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> He looks just like a caricature,<br> -And his fate, monsieur, will make him an ass<br> -No matter how much virtue your daughter has.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Don't interrupt me and remember your place<br> -And quit sticking your nose up in my face!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I'm only trying, sir, to protect you.<br> -<br> -[<i>Hereafter she always interrupts him at the moment he begins speaking to his daughter.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> You're too kind, but do shut up--please do!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> If I didn't like you . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I don't need liking.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> But I will like you, sir, despite your griping.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Oh?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Your honor is dear and I'd be provoked<br> -To find you the butt of some smutty joke.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Can't you keep quiet?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> In all good conscience,<br> -It's a shame to foster such an alliance.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Shut up, you viper, with your brazen traits . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> What? You've been reborn, yet you give way to hate?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Yes, your twaddle has made me quite high-strung,<br> -And I now insist that you hold your tongue.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> All right. But I'll think in silence nonetheless.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Think if you wish to, but strive for success<br> -At shutting your mouth . . . or beware. [<i>Turning to his daughter</i>] Let's see,<br> -I have weighed everything quite maturely.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>aside</i>]. I hate this silence. [<i>She falls quiet every time Orgon turns toward her.</i>]<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Without being smug, I'll<br> -Say Tartuffe's face . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Yes, he has a fine muzzle!<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Is so fine that even if you forgot<br> -His other traits . . .<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>aside</i>]. And they're a sorry lot!<br> -<br> -[<i>Orgon turns toward Dorine and, with his arms folded, listens while staring in her face.</i>]<br> -<br> -If I were in her place, most assuredly<br> -No man would wed me with impunity,<br> -And I'd prove to him right after the wedding<br> -That a wife's vengeance lies in the bedding!<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>to Dorine</i>]. So you refuse to obey me, is that true?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> What's your beef, sir? I'm not speaking to you.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Then what are you doing?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Soliloquizing.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Very well. [<i>aside</i>] To give her a good chastising,<br> -I think she needs a taste of the back of my hand.<br> -<br> -[<i>He prepares to slap her, but each time Dorine sees him looking at her, she stands silent and erect.</i>]<br> -<br> -Child, you should approve of all I have planned . . .<br> -And have faith in the spouse . . . who's my designee.<br> -[<i>To Dorine</i>.] Speak to yourself!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I've nothing to say to me.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Just one little word.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I'm not in the mood.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Because I was ready!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> What ineptitude!<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Now, daughter, let's see some obedience.<br> -Accept my choice with complete deference.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>running away</i>]. I'd thumb my nose at such a silly spouse.<br> -<br> -[<i>Orgon tries to slap Dorine and misses.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Daughter, your maid is a pest and would arouse<br> -Vice in a saint--she's an absolute shrew!<br> -I'm so upset that I can't continue.<br> -Her taunts have nearly driven me to swear,<br> -And I need to calm down in the open air.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE III<br> -Dorine, Mariane</b><br> -<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Have you entirely lost your voice and heart?<br> -Why must I continue playing your part?<br> -To think you allow such a mad proposal<br> -Without voicing even a meek refusal!<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> How can I resist such a harsh patriarch?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> By any means! Don't be an easy mark!<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> But how?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Tell him you can't love on command,<br> -That you marry for yourself, not by demand,<br> -And since you are most concerned in these affairs<br> -You'll choose for yourself the sire of his heirs,<br> -And that, if Tartuffe is so charming to him,<br> -He can wed him himself--if that's his whim.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> A father, I'm sure, has absolute power;<br> -Before him I can only cringe and cower.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Use your head. Valere wants to tie the knot.<br> -Do you really love him, I ask--or not?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Your injustice to me has a mortal sting!<br> -Dorine, how can you ask me such a thing?<br> -Haven't I poured out my whole soul to you,<br> -And don't you know yet that my love is true?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> How do I know that your heart echoes your voice<br> -And that this love is truly your own choice?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Your doubts, Dorine, wrong me greatly;<br> -My real feelings are shown far too plainly.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> You love him then?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Yes, with the strongest passion.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> And he seems to love you in the same fashion?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> I think so.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> And both of you burn equally<br> -For this union in marriage?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Certainly.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> And about this other man, what's your intention?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> I'd die before I'd submit to coercion.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Fine! I hadn't thought of that recourse.<br> -Death would give you such a forcible divorce.<br> -What an ingenious remedy! Geez!<br> -I hate to hear such stupid ideas.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Good Heavens! What a rotten mood you're in!<br> -You have no pity for my pain, Dorine!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I have no sympathy for foolishness<br> -And those who meet a crisis with such weakness.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> But what do you want me to do? I was born frail.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> A woman in love needs a heart of steel.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> But haven't I kept it free for my lover<br> -Whose task it is to win me from my father?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> What! If your father is a mad fanatic<br> -Whose love for Tartuffe is completely lunatic<br> -And who has blocked the match you are now bewailing,<br> -Is your lover to be damned for failing?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> But am I to display how deeply I'm bitten<br> -By rejecting Tartuffe like one who's love-smitten?<br> -Am I, because of Valere's strength and beauty,<br> -To renounce my modesty and duty?<br> -And would you have me show my heart to all . . . ?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No, no, not at all. I'm wrong to forestall<br> -Your marriage to Tartuffe, and my defiance<br> -Is apparent in barring that alliance.<br> -What reason have I for my outrageous<br> -Attempt to stop something so advantageous?<br> -Tartuffe! Oh! Isn't he something to behold?<br> -Surely Tartuffe is not made from such a mold,<br> -If rightly viewed, as to make a person laugh;<br> -'Twould be an honor to be his better half.<br> -The whole world already crowns him with glory;--<br> -Both in physique and character he's laudatory;<br> -He has red ears and a florid, flushing face<br> -With him for a mate you'd live in joyful grace.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Dear God!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> What delight you will feel within<br> -To know that you're wed to a man like him.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Oh! Please stop talking, and show me the way<br> -To avoid this marriage. I will obey,<br> -You've said enough, and I'm ready to be led.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No. A good daughter must obey her dad--<br> -Even if he wishes her to make love<br> -To an ape. What are you complaining of?<br> -You will proceed to his little villa<br> -Where you will get your absolute fill of<br> -Uncles and cousins to be entertained.<br> -Right away you'll move among the most urbane<br> -Of hicks. First you will make some overture<br> -To the wives of the judge and the tax assessor,<br> -Who will kindly seat you on a folding chair.<br> -During Carnival, you may hope to have there<br> -A ball with two bagpipes for an orchestra<br> -And maybe some puppets and a tame gorilla.<br> -But if your husband . . .<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Oh! You're killing me.<br> -Please help me avoid this catastrophe.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I am your servant.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Oh! Dorine, mercy . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> To punish you, I ought to leave things be.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> My dear girl!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> If I declared my love . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No. Tartuffe is your man; that's sure enough.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> You know that I've always trusted that you'd<br> -Help me . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No. I'm sure you will be tartuffed.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> All right! Since my fate no longer moves you,<br> -Henceforth you may leave me alone and blue;<br> -From deep sorrow my heart will draw relief,<br> -And I know an absolute cure for my grief.<br> -<br> -[<i>She starts to leave</i>.]<br> -<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Whoa! I'm not really angry. Come back,--do.<br> -In spite of everything, I pity you.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> If I'm to be the one you crucify,<br> -You'll see, Dorine, how quickly I shall die.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Don't torture yourself. We can easily<br> -Block them. . . . But look! I think that's Valere I see.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE IV<br> -Valere, Mariane, Dorine</b><br> -<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Gossip is singing a little ditty,<br> -My dear,--news to me and very pretty.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> What?<br> -<b>Valere.</b> That you will marry Tartuffe.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> It's true<br> -That my father has such a plan in view.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Your father . . .<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Has altered his inclination.<br> -Through him, all this has come to my attention.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> What? Seriously?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Yes, seriously.<br> -He wants this wedding--quite decidedly!<br> -<b>Valere.</b> And how does your heart respond to this plan,<br> -Madam?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> I don't know.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Your response is plain.<br> -You don't know?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> No.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> No?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> What do you recommend?<br> -<b>Valere.</b> I recommend that you accept this husband.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> You recommend that?<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Yes.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Really?<br> -<b>Valere.</b> I do.<br> -A wonderful choice, well worth attending to.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Very well! That's advice, sir, that I accept.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> I doubt that taking it causes you regret.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> No more regret than giving it causes you.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> I gave it thinking pleasure would ensue.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> And I, I'll take it--simply to please you.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>moving upstage</i>]. Let's see what comes of this hullabaloo.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> So that's your love for me? And did you lie<br> -When you . . .<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Please, let's not speak of days gone by.<br> -You've told me quite plainly that I must embrace<br> -As my mate the man they've chosen for that place,<br> -And now I say that I promise to obey<br> -Since you so kindly advise me that way.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Don't excuse yourself through circumlocution:<br> -You've already made your own resolution,<br> -And you've seized upon a frivolous excuse<br> -To justify this lamentable ruse.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Quite true and well said.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> No doubt, and your soul<br> -Never lost, for love of me, its self-control.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Alas! Alas! You may as well think so.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Yes, I may think so, but my broken heart<br> -Foresees you, too, suffering from Love's dart;<br> -I know to whom I'll take my heart and hand.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> No doubt, and the love that merit can command . . .<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Dear God, let's leave merit to one side.<br> -I haven't much of it, as you have signified,<br> -But I know where there's a woman, soft-eyed<br> -And open-hearted . . . and this double-cross<br> -May make her more inclined to recompense my loss.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> The loss isn't great; and your fickleness<br> -Will soon lead you to find a new mistress.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> I'll do my best--of that you may be sure!<br> -When one is forgotten, it's hard to endure,<br> -And so I, too, must struggle to forget.<br> -If I can't do it, I'll fake it . . . and yet<br> -I could never forgive my own servility<br> -If I kept loving one who abandoned me.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> What a noble, uplifting sentiment!<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Quite so. Everyone should give it their assent.<br> -What? Do you think that I should perpetuate<br> -The flame of love that I have felt of late,<br> -And see you pass into another's arms<br> -Without letting my heart seek other charms?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> No, indeed. It's what I want, and I vow<br> -I wish the thing were to happen right now.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> You do?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Yes.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> That's enough insults from you,<br> -Madam, and now I will bid you adieu.<br> -<br> -[<i>He starts to leave; each time he does so, he quickly comes back.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Very well.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>coming back</i>]. At least remember that you<br> -Are the one who forced me down this avenue.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Yes.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> And that I am doing nothing more<br> -Than following the path you took before.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> So be it.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>leaving</i>]. Fine. I'm doing what you want.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Good.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>returning again</i>]. I'm leaving forever--not some short jaunt.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> The sooner the better.<br> -<br> -[<i>He begins to leave and, when he is near the door, he returns.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Eh?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> What?<br> -<b>Valere.</b> You called?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Me? No.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Ah. Well then, I'll soon be abroad.<br> -Adieu, madam. [<i>He slowly starts to leave.</i>]<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Adieu.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>to Mariane</i>]. I think, perchance,<br> -You've lost your mind through extravagance,<br> -And I've only allowed you to go on<br> -Like this to see what folly you might spawn.<br> -Hey! Valere!<br> -<br>[<i>She grabs him by the arm and he makes a show of resistance.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Huh? What do you want, Dorine?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Come here.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> No. I'm too mad. Don't intervene.<br> -She wishes me to drain this bitter cup.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Stop.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> No, can't you see that my mind's made up?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Ah!<br> -<b>Mariane</b> [<i>aside</i>]. My presence pains him, I drive him away.<br> -I think it would be best if I didn't stay.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>She leaves Valere and runs after Mariane</i>]. Now where are you going?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Let go.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Then return.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> No, no, Dorine. It's none of your concern.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>aside</i>]. I see that my presence causes her pain;<br> -It would be best if I freed her again.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>She leaves Mariane and runs to Valere</i>].<br> -Wait! May you both be damned if I want this mess!<br> -Come here you two and settle this fracas.<br> -<br> -[<i>She pulls them both together.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>to Dorine</i>]. But what's your plan?<br> -<b>Mariane</b> [<i>to Dorine</i>]. What do you wish to do?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> To patch things up a bit between you two.<br> -[<i>To Valere</i>]. Are you out of your mind to fight in this way?<br> -<b>Valere.</b> Did you hear her treat me like a popinjay?<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>to Mariane</i>]. Are you mad to have gotten so enraged?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Did you see what happened? It can't be assuaged.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> You're both dunces. [<i>To Valere</i>] She wants nothing more<br> -Than to be the one woman you adore.<br> -[<i>To Mariane</i>] He loves you alone, and to make you his wife<br> -Is his only desire--I swear on my life!<br> -<b>Mariane</b> [<i>to Valere</i>]. How, then, could you give me such bad advice?<br> -<b>Valere.</b> And how could you demand it? Was that wise?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> You're both insane. Now give your hands to me.<br> -[<i>To Valere</i>] Come on.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>giving his hand to Dorine</i>]. What for?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> There. [<i>To Mariane</i>] Now yours, don't you see.<br> -<b>Mariane</b> [<i>giving her hand as well</i>]. What's the point of all this?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Lord! Quick! Come on!<br> -Your love for each other can't be withdrawn.<br> -<br> -[<i>Valere and Mariane hold hands for awhile without looking at each other.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>turning toward Mariane</i>]. Don't react so painfully by the book.<br> -Try giving a fellow a civil look.<br> -<br> -[<i>Mariane turns her gaze on Valere and gives him a shy smile.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> All lovers are crazy! It's sad, but true.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>to Mariane</i>]. Am I not right to complain about you?<br> -And to tell the truth, weren't you rather unkind<br> -To delight in trying to unsettle my mind?<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> What about you? Aren't you the bigger ingrate . . . ?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Let's wait until later for this debate<br> -And try instead to stop this marriage.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Tell us, then, what we can use for leverage.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> We will wage warfare on every front.<br> -Your father is bluffing and playing a stunt.<br> -[<i>To Mariane</i>] But it might be better for you to seem<br> -To sweetly consent to his crazy scheme<br> -So that, whatever the future may bring,<br> -You can postpone and postpone this wedding.<br> -By gaining time, we gain our remedy.<br> -Sometimes you will feign a strange malady<br> -Whose sudden onset will bring some delay;<br> -Sometimes an ill-omen will cause you dismay:<br> -You saw a corpse and never felt queerer,<br> -Dreamt of muddy water, or broke a mirror.<br> -The point above all is that no one, I guess,<br> -Can force you to marry unless you say, "Yes."<br> -But our ship would sail in fairer weather<br> -If you were never seen talking together.<br> -[<i>To Valere</i>] Go, and without delay employ each friend<br> -To keep him on course toward what we intend.<br> -[<i>To Mariane</i>] We are going to seek help from his brother<br> -And we'll also recruit your step-mother.<br> -Farewell.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>to Mariane</i>]. Whatever we attempt to do,<br> -In truth, my greatest hope resides in you.<br> -<b>Mariane</b> [<i>to Valere</i>]. Although I cannot answer for my father,<br> -I vow I'll never belong to another.<br> -<b>Valere.</b> How happy you have made me! If they ever . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Fie! You young lovers prattle forever!<br> -Be off, I say.<br> -<b>Valere</b> [<i>going a step and then returning</i>].<br> - Finally . . .<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> What blather!<br> -You go off that way, and you go the other.<br> -<br> -<br> -<b>ACT III<br> -<br> -SCENE I<br> -Damis, Dorine<br> -<br> -Damis.</b> May a bolt of lightning now strike me dumb,<br> -May everybody treat me like a bum<br> -If either respect or force can hinder me<br> -From blowing my top at this calamity!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> For heaven's sake, control your displeasure.<br> -Your father has merely mentioned this measure.<br> -No one does everything he proposes.<br> -How something opens may not be how it closes.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> I need to stop this vulgar coxcomb's plot<br> -And in two little words tell him what's what.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Whoa now! Why don't you let your stepmother<br> -Manage him just as she does your father.<br> -Over Tartuffe she has her own little ways<br> -Of making him welcome all that she says,<br> -And perhaps she makes his heart go pitter-patter.<br> -Pray God it's true! That would be a fine matter.<br> -In fact she has summoned him for your sake<br> -In order to learn exactly what's at stake,<br> -To find out his feelings, and to let him know<br> -What really rotten results would flow<br> -From any pretensions he might have to marry.<br> -His valet says he's praying, and I should tarry--<br> -That he'll descend after he meditates.<br> -Be off then, I beg you, and let me wait.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> I demand to be here the whole time they meet.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No. They must be alone.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> I won't even speak.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> You're kidding yourself. You're so quick to anger,<br> -And that would surely put us all in danger.<br> -Go.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> No. I'm going to watch--without getting cross.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> How tiresome you are! Here they come. Get lost!<br> -<br> -[<i>Damis hides himself in a closet.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE II<br> -Tartuffe, Laurent, Dorine<br> -<br> -Tartuffe</b> [<i>observing Dorine</i>]. Laurent, lock up my hair shirt and my scourge,<br> -And pray for freedom from each carnal urge.<br> -If anyone comes calling, say I have gone<br> -To share my alms with the poor souls in prison.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>aside</i>]. Such affectation and boastful behavior!<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> What do you wish?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> To say . . .<br> -<b>Tartuffe</b> [<i>taking a handkerchief from his pocket</i>]. Wait! By our Savior,<br> -Please! Before you speak take this handkerchief.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Why?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Because seeing your bosom causes me grief.<br> -Through one's eyes one's soul may be wounded,<br> -And then sinful thoughts may grow unattended.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Then you are quite ready for temptation,<br> -And bare skin makes on you a big impression.<br> -I truly don't know why you feel such passion;<br> -I myself think lust is out of fashion,<br> -For I could see you nude from top to toe<br> -Without your pelt setting my cheeks aglow.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Put a little modesty in your discourse<br> -Or I must leave you instantly perforce.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> No, it is I who will leave you here in peace,<br> -And I will just say this before I cease:<br> -Madam is coming down to visit you<br> -And demands the favor of a rendezvous.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Oh yes! Most willingly!<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>to herself</i>]. Isn't he sweet!<br> -I'm even surer now that dog's in heat.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Will she soon come?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> I think I can hear her.<br> -Yes, there. Now I will leave you two together.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE III<br> -Elmire, Tartuffe<br> -<br> -Tartuffe.</b> May Heaven forever in its great bounty<br> -Grant you good health both in soul and body,<br> -And bless your days as much as he desires<br> -Who is the humblest of those your love inspires!<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I'm much obliged for your pious wishes, but please,<br> -Let us be seated and put ourselves at ease.<br> -<b>Tartuffe</b> [<i>sitting down</i>]. Have you quite recovered from your illness?<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>sitting as well</i>]. Yes, my headache quickly lost its sharpness.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> My prayers haven't enough value to buy<br> -Such grace from the Heavenly One on High,<br> -But most of my recent prayers have in essence<br> -Been mainly focused on your convalescence.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Your concern for me is somewhat disquieting.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I dearly cherish your precious well-being,<br> -And to restore it I would have given my own.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Such Christian charity is overblown,<br> -But I am much obliged for all your care.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I try to do as much for you as I dare.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I wish to speak of some private business<br> -And am pleased there's no one to overhear us.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I, too, am delighted, and <i>entre nous</i><br> -It's very sweet being one-on-one with you.<br> -For this also have I begged the Deity,<br> -But only now has he granted it to me.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I myself want an encounter between us two<br> -Where your whole heart is opened through and through.<br> -<br> -[<i>Without exposing himself and in order to better hear the conversation, Damis opens the door of the closet in which he is hiding.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> In exchange for this unique blessing, I<br> -Desire only to reveal to you my<br> -Whole soul, and to swear that all my preaching<br> -About your guests--though perhaps over-reaching--<br> -Was not caused by any anger or hate<br> -But rather by a zeal that's passionate<br> -And pure . . .<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I wholly understand and declare<br> -My belief that you seek only my welfare.<br> -<b>Tartuffe</b> [<i>pressing the tips of her fingers</i>]. Yes, madam, it's true; my devotion is such . . .<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> You're hurting me.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Passion pushes me too much.<br> -I never wanted to hurt you, I swear,<br> -And I would rather . . .<br> -<br> -[<i>He puts his hand on her knee.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Why is your hand there?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I'm feeling your dress. Such fine dimity!<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Oh! Please let me go. You're tickling me.<br> -<br> -[<i>She pushes her chair back, and Tartuffe moves his forward.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Tartuffe</b> [<i>putting his hand on her lacy collar</i>].<br> -Dear Lord! But this workmanship is marvelous!<br> -Lacework nowadays is miraculous.<br> -I've never seen anything quite so fine.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> That's true. But let's speak of this concern of mine.<br> -I hear that my husband may be breaking his word<br> -And giving you his daughter. What have you heard?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> In truth, madam, some such words did transpire,<br> -But that is not the joy to which I aspire,<br> -And I see elsewhere those splendid attractions<br> -Which I seek to attain through all of my actions.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Then all your earthly love has been overthrown?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> My breast does not hold a heart made of stone.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I'm sure that all your thoughts are on salvation,<br> -And nothing less holds any fascination.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> The love that attracts us to what's eternal<br> -Does not stop our love for the merely temporal.<br> -Our senses can be quite easily charmed<br> -By the perfect Earthly works that God has formed.<br> -His glory is mirrored in those like you,<br> -But in you yourself we see its rarest hue.<br> -He has molded your face with such sublime art<br> -That it surprises the eye and transports the heart,<br> -And I can't gaze upon you, you perfect creature,<br> -Without worshipping in you both God and nature,<br> -And sensing in my soul an ardent love<br> -For this, the most beautiful portrait by God above.<br> -At first I feared that my secret passion<br> -Might be a tricky trap laid by Satan,<br> -And I even resolved to flee from your eyes<br> -As if you were something to exorcise.<br> -But I finally learned, oh beauty most lovable,<br> -That my ardor for you could never be culpable,<br> -That I should even consider it right,<br> -And so I submit to my heart's delight.<br> -I confess that I'm playing an audacious part<br> -In presenting to you the gift of my heart,<br> -But I place all my faith in your kindness<br> -Like a beggar-man hindered by blindness.<br> -In you I seek peace, hope, and happiness;<br> -On you depends my torment or my bliss.<br> -And through you alone I will finally be<br> -Happy if you will, or sad if you please.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> That declaration is very urbane,<br> -But in a man of God it's a bit profane.<br> -You ought to protect your heart a bit better<br> -And reflect more deeply on such a matter.<br> -A saint like you whom we all hail . . .<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I may be holy, but I'm nonetheless male,<br> -And when one sees your heavenly charms,<br> -It's time for reason to throw up its arms.<br> -I know such words from me may seem strange--though,<br> -Madam, after all, I am not an angel,<br> -And if you condemn the confession I'm making,<br> -Admit nonetheless that your beauty's breath-taking.<br> -From the first time I set eyes on your supreme<br> -Splendor, my heart became yours and you my queen.<br> -The ineffable sweetness of your divine gaze<br> -Shattered my stout heart and set it ablaze.<br> -That look conquered all--fasting, prayers, duty--<br> -And turned my vows into praise of your beauty.<br> -My eyes and my sighs have often shown my choice<br> -But to make it still clearer I now add my voice.<br> -If you should look down with a kindly eye<br> -Upon the base woes of a slave such as I<br> -And if your great kindness should happen to lead<br> -You to stoop down and grant what I need,<br> -I should always have for you, oh precious one,<br> -A love that beggars all comparison.<br> -With me your honor will never be damaged;<br> -No disgrace can attend an affair I have managed.<br> -All these gallants at court, for whom wives act absurd,<br> -Are reckless in their deeds and rash in their words.<br> -They endlessly brag about every success.<br> -Each favor they receive, they quickly confess,<br> -And their wagging tongues, on which you rely,<br> -Dishonor the shrine before which they lie.<br> -But men like me burn with a discreet fever,<br> -And we keep your sweet secrets safe forever.<br> -The concern we have for our good reputation<br> -Will also preserve you in your own station;<br> -In us you will find, if you wish it, my dear,<br> -Love without scandal, pleasure without fear.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I have heard your words, and your rhetoric<br> -Leaves your point clear--though you lay it on thick.<br> -Aren't you afraid that I could be in the mood<br> -To tell my husband of your solicitude,<br> -And that a sudden knowledge of that sort<br> -Might set back your hopes of his lasting support?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I know that you are only too gracious<br> -And that you will forgive my audacious<br> -Deeds since they spring from a human failing<br> -In that passionate love that you are bewailing,<br> -And that you will reflect when you view things afresh<br> -That I am not blind, and a man's only flesh.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Others might take things differently, I suppose,<br> -But discretion prevails, and I won't expose<br> -This matter to my spouse. In return, it's true,<br> -I do want one little favor from you:<br> -To push forward without any sly snare<br> -The wedding of Mariane and Valere,<br> -To renounce on your own the unjust power<br> -That would enrich you with another's dower,<br> -And . . .<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE IV<br> -Elmire, Damis, Tartuffe<br> -<br> -Damis</b> [<i>coming out of the closet in which he was hiding</i>].<br> -No, madam, no. All this must be exposed.<br> -By hiding here I've heard all he proposed,<br> -And God in His goodness has guided me<br> -To confound this noisome bastard's treachery,<br> -To discover a way to take my vengeance<br> -For his hypocrisy and insolence,<br> -To wake up my father, and to justly screw<br> -This scumbag who wants to make love to you.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> No, Damis. It's enough if he has striven<br> -To reform and merit the pardon I've given.<br> -Don't make me retract what I have avowed.<br> -I don't choose to discuss scandal out loud:<br> -A woman laughs at these masculine foibles,<br> -And never plagues her mate with paltry troubles.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> You have your own reasons for acting so,<br> -And I have reasons for my <i>quid-pro-quo.</i><br> -The very thought of sparing him is a joke,<br> -And the insolent pride of this base bloke<br> -Has triumphed too often over my just wrath,<br> -And has sown too much trouble along my path.<br> -For too long that liar has ruled my old man<br> -Blocking both my love and that of Mariane.<br> -His perfidy must be brought to light of day,<br> -And for that God gives us a ready way.<br> -For this occasion I thank the good Lord;<br> -It is far too lucky to be ignored.<br> -The only way to deserve to lose it<br> -Is to have it in hand and not to use it.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> But Damis . . .<br> -<b>Damis.</b> No, please, my mind is made up.<br> -It is time to rejoice and fill up the cup,<br> -And you're trying in vain to obligate me<br> -To give up the pleasure of my victory.<br> -I'm going to expose this affair without delay;<br> -This is just the thing that will make my day.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE V<br> -Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe, Elmire<br> -<br> -Damis.</b> Father, it may surprise . . . and amuse you greatly . . .<br> -To hear the news of what's gone on lately.<br> -You're being well paid for all your caresses<br> -By your friend's response to those tendernesses.<br> -His great love for you has shown its hold<br> -Through his eagerness to make you a cuckold.<br> -And I heard him here confess to your bride<br> -A love that has made him heart-sick and dove-eyed.<br> -At all costs she wants to remain discreet<br> -And preserve his secret--because she's sweet--<br> -But I cannot bear the man's impudence.<br> -Besides, my silence would cause you offense.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Yes, I would never disturb my husband's rest<br> -By reporting the words of silly pest.<br> -My honor does not depend on such a thing<br> -Since I'm well able to resist flattering.<br> -You wouldn't have spoken out against my view<br> -If I had any power over you.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE VI<br> -Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe<br> -<br> -Orgon.</b> What do I hear? Good God! Is it credible?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Yes, brother, I'm wicked and culpable,<br> -A sorry sinner, full of iniquity,<br> -As great a wretch as there ever could be.<br> -My entire life has been soiled with evil;<br> -It's nothing but a mass of sinful upheaval.<br> -And I see that God has, for my punishment,<br> -Chosen to mortify me with this event.<br> -Let them connect any crime with my name;<br> -I waive all defense and take all the blame.<br> -Believe what they tell you, stoke up your wrath,<br> -And drive me like a felon from your path.<br> -The shame that I bear cannot be too great,<br> -For I know I deserve a much worse fate.<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>to his son</i>]. Traitor! Do you dare, by your duplicity,<br> -To taint both his virtue and purity?<br> -<b>Damis.</b> What? Can the false meekness of this hypocrite<br> -Cause you to belie . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Shut up, you misfit.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Oh, let him go on. You are wrong to scold,<br> -And you'd be wise to believe the story he's told.<br> -In light of his claims, why should you favor me?<br> -What do you know of my culpability?<br> -Why put your faith in my exterior?<br> -Why should you think that I'm superior?<br> -No, no, appearances are fooling you,<br> -I am the kind of man you should eschew.<br> -The whole world thinks that I have earned God's blessing,<br> -But the plain truth is . . . that I'm worth nothing.<br> -<br> -[<i>Addressing Damis</i>]<br> -<br> -Yes, my dear son, speak. And don't merely chide.<br> -Accuse me of treason, theft, and homicide.<br> -Call me every foul name you can recall.<br> -I deny nothing. I merit it all.<br> -And I beg on my knees to bear this chagrin<br> -As the shameful result of my life of sin.<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>To Tartuffe</i>]. That's too much, brother. [<i>To his son</i>] Why can't you let go,<br> -Scoundrel?<br> -<b>Damis.</b> What! Have his words seduced you so . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Keep quiet, you bum! [<i>To Tartuffe</i>]. Brother, please arise.<br> -[<i>To his son</i>]. Shame!<br> -<b>Damis.</b> He can . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Silence!<br> -<b>Damis.</b> Damn! Do you surmise . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> If you say one word, I will break your arm.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> In the name of God, brother, do no harm.<br> -I would rather face a ravening beast<br> -Than that your dear son should be harmed in the least.<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>to his son</i>]. Ingrate!<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Leave him in peace. On my two knees<br> -I beg you to give him your grace . . .<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>throwing himself to his knees and embracing Tartuffe</i>]. Don't! Please!<br> -[<i>To his son</i>] Wretch, see his goodness.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> Then . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Shhh!<br> -<b>Damis.</b> I . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Cease, I say.<br> -I'm aware of your motive in this foray:<br> -You all hate him, and now I see how my wife,<br> -Children, and maid conspire against his life.<br> -You impudently try every trick you can<br> -To alienate me from this holy man,<br> -But the harder you try to drive him away,<br> -The harder I'll try to get him to stay.<br> -And I'll hasten his marriage to Mariane<br> -To demolish the pride of this whole clan.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> So you will force her to marry this fellow?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Yes, this very night, to see you bellow.<br> -I defy you all, and stand here to say<br> -I am the master and you must obey.<br> -Come now. Retract your words, oh foul pollution!<br> -Throw yourself down and demand absolution.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> Who, me? Of that villain, by whose pretense . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> So you refuse, you scum, and your impertinence<br> -Persists? [<i>To Tartuffe</i>] A stick! A staff! Don't hold me back.<br> -[<i>To his son</i>] Get out of my house and don't even pack,<br> -And never again let me see your face.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> Yes, I will go, but . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Quickly! Leave this place.<br> -I am cutting you off and what is worse<br> -I am leaving you with my heart-felt curse.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE VII<br> -Orgon, Tartuffe<br> -<br> -Orgon.</b> To offend in that way a saintly man!<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Heavenly Lord pardon him if you can.<br> -[<i>To Orgon.</i>] If you only knew with what pain<br> -I see them trying to blacken my name. . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Alas!<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> The mere thought of this ingratitude<br> -Makes me suffer from a torture so crude . . .<br> -The horror I feel . . . My soul longs to cry . . .<br> -I can't even speak, and I'm sure I will die.<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>He runs weeping to the door through which he had chased his son.</i>]<br> -Villain! How I regret that I held my hand<br> -And that I did not crush you where you stand.<br> -[<i>To Tartuffe.</i>] Calm yourself, brother and try not to fret.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Let's stop these squabbles that end in regret.<br> -The great friction I have caused makes me grieve,<br> -And I believe, brother, that I should leave.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> What? Surely you jest?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> They hate me and I see<br> -That they want you to doubt my integrity.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Who cares! Do you think I'll listen to them?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> No doubt they'll continue their stratagem;<br> -And the same tales that you reject today<br> -You may find credible some other day.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> No, brother, never.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Ah, brother, a man's mate<br> -Can easily make her spouse speculate.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> No, no.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Let me leave here at once and so<br> -Escape the threat of another low blow.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> No, please remain. I can't live without you.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Well! I suppose I will suffer if I do.<br> -Still, if you wish . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Oh!<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> All right! It's a pact.<br> -But in future I know how I must act.<br> -Honor is tender, and friendship engages<br> -Me to prevent gossip--however outrageous.<br> -I'll avoid your wife and you will not see me . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> No, in spite of everyone, you and she<br> -Must often meet. I love to make a stir,<br> -So day and night let them see you with her.<br> -No, that's not enough, but this will make them stew:<br> -I don't want to have any heir but you,<br> -And I'm going to legally designate<br> -You as the owner of my whole estate.<br> -A frank and true friend, whom I take as my son,<br> -Is dearer to me than my wife or children.<br> -Will you accept the offer I am making?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> May God's will be done in this undertaking!<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Poor man! Let's quickly put it all in writing,<br> -And let their envy choke on its own spiting.<br> -<br> -<br> -<b>ACT IV<br> -SCENE I<br> -Cleante, Tartuffe<br> -<br> -Cleante.</b> Yes, the whole town is talking about it,<br> -And they don't think it does you much credit.<br> -And I've sought you out, sir, just for the sake<br> -Of telling you bluntly what I think's at stake.<br> -I'm not going to dredge up the whole dispute;<br> -The fact is Damis is in disrepute.<br> -Supposing that he did act like a fool<br> -And that you are unfairly being called cruel,<br> -Shouldn't a Christian pardon the offense<br> -And purge his soul of desire for vengeance?<br> -And should you permit him, for this one goof,<br> -To be driven away from his father's roof?<br> -I'll tell you again, and I'll be bold:<br> -You are scandalizing both young and old.<br> -If you take my advice, you will seek a truce<br> -And not be a party to this boy's abuse.<br> -Make an offering to God of your acrimony,<br> -And restore the son to his patrimony.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Alas! As for myself, I seek that solace:<br> -I do not have for him the slightest malice;<br> -I wholly forgive him of any blame,<br> -And long to restore him to his good name.<br> -But in the service of God I can't permit<br> -It, for if he remains I shall have to quit<br> -This house. No prior offense holds a candle<br> -To his. Our meeting would cause a huge scandal.<br> -Lord only knows what people would assume!<br> -They would impute it to cunning, I presume,<br> -And say that my guilt has made me pretend<br> -To excuse him of any intent to offend,<br> -And that I fear him and wish to placate him<br> -As a crafty move in my plan to checkmate him.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> I think you are making up excuses,<br> -And your arguments, monsieur, seem like ruses.<br> -Must you assume the role of the Deity?<br> -Does He need us to punish the guilty?<br> -Leave it to Him to take care of vengeance;<br> -He bids us to forgive every offense<br> -And not to consider human judgments<br> -When we follow God's sovereign commandments.<br> -What? Should the petty fear of what some may say<br> -Prevent you from doing this good deed today?<br> -No, let us always follow God's commands,<br> -And leave all other matters in His hands.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I've told you already that I forgive<br> -Him, and that, sir, is God's directive.<br> -But after such scandal and vituperation<br> -God doesn't demand our cohabitation.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> And does He demand that you lend your hand<br> -To the pure caprice of the father's command<br> -And accept the gift of his whole estate,<br> -Which you cannot justly appropriate?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Those who know me will not believe that I'd<br> -Do anything selfish or unjustified.<br> -I hold worldly goods in quite low esteem.<br> -I can't be dazzled by their phony gleam.<br> -And if in the end I decide to take<br> -The gift that the father wishes to make,<br> -It is only, I swear, because I fear<br> -That it could be left to a false profiteer,<br> -Or that it could be shared by those who would<br> -Use it to do evil rather than good,<br> -And who would not use it, as I'm sure I can,<br> -For the glory of God and one's fellow man.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Oh, sir! Don't put on that scrupulous air<br> -While your actions injure a rightful heir.<br> -Don't feel uneasy or risk your good health<br> -By fretting about the perils of his wealth.<br> -It is better spent on a young man's whim<br> -Than that you be accused of defrauding him.<br> -I only wonder why you aren't ashamed<br> -By this proposal in which you are named.<br> -In true religion is there some dictum<br> -That says it's okay to make an heir your victim?<br> -And if God has put some obstacle in place<br> -Against you and Damis sharing the same space,<br> -Wouldn't you prefer to be more discrete<br> -And leave this house in a noble retreat<br> -Than to sit and see the son of the house<br> -Thrust from his home like a beggarly louse.<br> -Believe me, it would prove your probity,<br> -Monsieur, . . .<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> It is now, Monsieur, half past three:<br> -Certain religious rites demand my presence,<br> -And you must excuse me for my absence. [<i>He leaves.</i>]<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Ah!<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE II<br> -Elmire, Mariane, Dorine, Cleante<br> -<br> -Dorine</b> [<i>to Cleante</i>]. Please, sir, help us help her, for pity's sake.<br> -Her suffering is such that her heart may break,<br> -And the pact her father made this evening<br> -Is the cause of all this awful grieving.<br> -Here he comes. Let's join forces, I beg you,<br> -And try through skill or cunning to undo<br> -The vicious scheme that's left us all so troubled.<br> -<br> -<b>Scene III<br> -Orgon, Elmire, Mariane, Cleante, Dorine<br> -<br> -Orgon.</b> Ah! I'm pleased to see you all assembled.<br> -[<i>To Mariane</i>] This contract here should make you very gay;<br> -I'm sure you know what I'm about to say.<br> -<b>Mariane</b> [<i>kneeling</i>]. In the name of God, who knows how I hurt,<br> -And of everything which might move your heart,<br> -Forgo, for now, the rights of paternity<br> -And release me from my vow of docility.<br> -Do not reduce me by some brutal rule<br> -To asking God why you've grown so cruel.<br> -And this life, alas, that you gave to me--<br> -Do not make it a life of misery.<br> -If, contrary to all my sweet hopes of<br> -Joy, you forbid me to wed the man I love,<br> -Hear me at least--on my knees I implore<br> -You not to give me to a man I abhor,<br> -And don't push me past the point of despair<br> -By using your full force in this affair.<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>to himself, sensing himself weakening</i>].<br> -Be firm. This is no time for humanity!<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Your fondness for him doesn't bother me.<br> -Indulge it, and if it's not enough to consign<br> -Your whole estate to him--then give him mine!<br> -I freely consent and will sign on demand,<br> -But please, please, do not offer him my hand,<br> -And allow me to live in a convent where I<br> -May count the sad days till God lets me die.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Young girls always play such religious pranks<br> -When their fathers hobble their lusty flanks!<br> -Get up! The harder you have to work to bear it,<br> -The greater the virtue and the merit.<br> -Let this marriage mortify your senses<br> -And quit bothering me with your meek defenses.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> But . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Keep quiet, and stay out of this matter.<br> -I completely forbid you to add to the chatter.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> If you will allow me to offer some advice . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Brother, your advice is worth any price:<br> -It is thoughtful and I truly respect it,<br> -But I hope you don't mind if I reject it.<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>to her husband</i>]. What can I think about what you're saying<br> -Except that your blindness is quite dismaying!<br> -You must be besotted and led astray<br> -To refuse to believe what has happened today.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> My dear, I only call 'em as I see 'em.<br> -You favor my son, that worthless young bum,<br> -And I think that you are afraid to condemn<br> -His dirty trick on this most saintly of men.<br> -You are, in fact, too calm to be believed;<br> -You ought to have seemed a bit more aggrieved.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> When a love-sick man makes a foolish mistake<br> -Must we take up arms as if honor's at stake?<br> -And should we always respond to small slips<br> -With fire in our eyes and abuse on our lips?<br> -For myself, I laugh at these signs of lust;<br> -It doesn't please me at all to grow nonplussed.<br> -I seek wisdom tempered with charity,<br> -And I'm not one of those prudes whose asperity<br> -Is such that they fight for virtue tooth and nail,<br> -And scratch a man's eyes out for being male.<br> -Heaven preserve me from that kind of virtue!<br> -I am an honest wife, but not a shrew,<br> -And I believe that a calm, icy glance<br> -Is quite enough to rebuff an advance.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I know what I know and I won't change my mind.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> I'm again amazed that you could be so blind.<br> -But would you keep that incredulity<br> -If I made you see that we have spoken truly?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> See?<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Yes.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Fantasy!<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> But if I found a way<br> -To make you see it all in light of day?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Fairy tales!<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> What a man! At least reply.<br> -I don't ask you to believe me, but I<br> -Do wonder what you will say of your good man<br> -If I bring you to a place where you can<br> -Clearly see and hear these things? What then?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> In that case I would say . . . nothing again,<br> -For it cannot be.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> You've been blind too long,<br> -And in calling me a liar, you're wrong!<br> -So for your pleasure, but with modesty,<br> -I'll make you witness my veracity.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Good. I take you at your word. Now let's see<br> -How in the world you will prove this to me.<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>to Dorine</i>]. Bid him come to me.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>to Elmire</i>]. He's a crafty one<br> -And perhaps he won't easily be undone.<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>to Dorine</i>]. No, we're easily duped by our affection,<br> -And vanity aids in our misdirection.<br> -<br> -[<i>Speaking to Cleante and Mariane</i>]<br> -<br> -Send him down here to me. And you can go.<br> -<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE IV<br> -Elmire, Orgon<br> -<br> -Elmire.</b> Bring the table here, and then crouch down low.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Why?<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Hiding you well is to be desired.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Why under the table?<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Just do what's required!<br> -I've made my plans and we'll see how they fare!<br> -Get under the table, and when you're down there,<br> -Don't let him see you and try not to grunt.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I really think I'm far too tolerant,<br> -But I'll stay through the end of your stratagem.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> You won't, I'm sure, have a thing to condemn.<br> -<br> -[<i>To her husband, who is now under the table.</i>]<br> -<br> -Mind you, I'm going to have strange things to say<br> -And you must not be shocked in any way.<br> -Whatever I may say, you must allow;<br> -I only wish to convince you, anyhow.<br> -I'm going to use sex, since I'm reduced to it,<br> -To strip off the cloak of this hypocrite;<br> -I'll stoke up the fires of his insolent heart<br> -And give a free field to this base upstart.<br> -For your sake, and to deepen his disrepute,<br> -I'm going to pretend to welcome his suit.<br> -I'll quit just as soon as you've heard enough.<br> -Things needn't go farther than you wish, my love.<br> -And you must stop them from becoming bizarre<br> -When you think his mad love has gone too far.<br> -Spare your wife and don't leave me in his hands<br> -Longer than reaching your conviction demands.<br> -This is your concern and you are in command.<br> -Here he comes. Keep still! Keep down! Understand?<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE V<br> -Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon (<i>under the table</i>)<br> -<br> -Tartuffe.</b> You wish to speak with me in here, I'm told.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Yes. I now have some secrets to unfold,<br> -But shut the door before I say a word<br> -And look around--we mustn't be overheard.<br> -<br> -[<i>Tartuffe closes the door and returns.</i>]<br> -<br> -I don't want another fracas to ensue<br> -Like the one that overtook us hitherto.<br> -Never before have I been so dismayed!<br> -Damis startled me and made me afraid<br> -For you. You must have seen that I did my best<br> -To disrupt his plan and soothe his unrest.<br> -It is true that I was so filled with shame<br> -That I never thought of denying his claim,<br> -But by the grace of God, I'm nearly sure<br> -All is for the best and we're now more secure.<br> -The prestige of your name has dispelled the storm,<br> -And my husband will never suspect you of harm.<br> -Defying those with rumors to foment,<br> -He wants us together at every moment.<br> -And that is why without blame I can<br> -Be alone with you although you're a man,<br> -And that allows me to open my heart<br> -Willingly to the sweet thoughts you impart.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I find it odd that you have kind words to say;<br> -Earlier you treated me in a different way.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Ah! If you're angry about that rebuff,<br> -You know nothing about a woman's love!<br> -And how little you know about our intent<br> -If you think a weak defense is really meant!<br> -At such times our modesty must contend<br> -With the tender feelings that triumph in the end.<br> -No matter how strongly you make love's claim,<br> -In embracing it we always feel some shame.<br> -We resist at first, but in our faces<br> -It's clear that we'll soon yield to your embraces.<br> -Our words and our wishes are often opposed:<br> -A refusal may mean we accept what's proposed.<br> -No doubt I am making too free a confession<br> -And I may be committing an indiscretion,<br> -But since my attempt at silence has gone awry,<br> -Ask yourself why I sought to pacify<br> -Damis, and what made me listen so long<br> -And so kindly to your sweet love song?<br> -Would I have reacted as you saw me do<br> -If the offer of your heart didn't please me too?<br> -And what should you be able to conclude<br> -From my fervent desire to preclude<br> -The marriage that has been announced just now?<br> -Isn't it that I'd hate for a wedding vow<br> -To come between us, and that I care for you<br> -And want nothing at all to split us in two?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> There is no pleasure in Heaven above<br> -Sweeter than such words from the lips I love;<br> -Their honeyed sound flows richly through my senses<br> -With the sweetness of the purest essences.<br> -The pleasure of pleasing you is my one goal,<br> -And my heart finds happiness in that role,<br> -But that heart also takes the slight liberty<br> -Of daring to doubt this felicity.<br> -Perhaps these sweet words are a decorous ruse<br> -Designed to disrupt my hymeneal news;<br> -And, if I may speak quite freely with you,<br> -I won't believe that all you say is true<br> -Until I'm assured that you couldn't lie<br> -By a few of those favors for which I sigh.<br> -Such favors would make me your devotee<br> -And a true believer in your fondness for me.<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>she coughs to warn her husband</i>].<br> -Do you demand to push on with such great speed,<br> -And drain my heart dry by your burning need?<br> -I risk my life in proclaiming my love,<br> -And for you even that is not enough!<br> -Can't you be satisfied with what I say?<br> -Must you force me into going all the way?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> The less one merits, the more one desires.<br> -Mere words will never quench our raging fires.<br> -A promised gift is often suspected;<br> -We rarely believe it, until we inspect it.<br> -I, who so little merit your favors,<br> -Doubt the happy outcome of my labors.<br> -And I will not believe a thing, my dear,<br> -Until you ease my pain to prove you're sincere.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Good God, your love is too oppressive;<br> -It troubles my soul and becomes obsessive!<br> -What a crazy power it has on the heart!<br> -With what fierce passion it tears me apart!<br> -What! Is there no way to stave off your desire?<br> -Won't you give me a moment to respire?<br> -Do you think it is fair to be so firm,<br> -To demand everything and watch me squirm,<br> -To take what you want, pushing and pressing,<br> -And abusing my weakness in acquiescing?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> If you look on me with a kindly heart,<br> -Then prove how you feel by playing your part.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> But how can I give you the things you seek<br> -Without offending that God of whom you speak?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> If it's only God that opposes my desire,<br> -I'll think up a way to make him conspire,<br> -And that need not restrain your heart, my dear.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> But the decrees of God scare me to tears.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> I can dispel your foolish fears, madame,<br> -For I know the art of quashing each qualm.<br> -Though God forbids certain gratifications,<br> -With him one can reach one's accommodations.<br> -It is a science to stretch out the strings<br> -Of conscience in the service of diverse things<br> -And to rectify an evil action<br> -With the purity of our intention.<br> -Regarding these secrets, I shall instruct you;<br> -You need only allow me to conduct you.<br> -Satisfy my desire and have no fear;<br> -I'll assume the sin and leave your soul clear.<br> -<br> -[<i>Elmire coughs more loudly.</i>]<br> -<br> -That's quite a cough, madame.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Yes, it's a torment.<br> -<b>Tartuffe</b> [<i>offering Elmire a piece of candy</i>].<br> -Would it help to have a licorice or mint?<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> It's an obstinate illness, and I see<br> -That all the mints in the world won't help me<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> It's certainly troublesome.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> That's for sure!<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Your scruples at least are easy to cure:<br> -You can be sure that I will keep things quiet--<br> -A deed is evil only if men spy it.<br> -The noise of scandal is the source of offense;<br> -There is no sin if one sins in silence.<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>after having coughed and knocked on the table</i>].<br> -At last I see I'm forced to go astray,<br> -And I must consent to let you have your way,<br> -And that I cannot hope that short of the deed<br> -You will be content and willing to concede.<br> -It is very hard to be forced to do it,<br> -And in spite of myself to stoop down to it;<br> -But since you persist in making me obey,<br> -Since you refuse to believe what I say,<br> -And since you demand more convincing proof,<br> -I'll have to give in and quit acting aloof.<br> -If this action causes anyone grief,<br> -The blame be on him who refused all relief.<br> -The fault most certainly is none of mine.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Yes, madame, I agree and that is fine . . .<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Peek out of the door and see, I beg you,<br> -If my spouse is spying on our rendezvous.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Why do you care what he sees or where he goes?<br> -He's a man who loves to be led by the nose.<br> -Our trysts are something he's proud of achieving,<br> -And he'd watch us go to it without believing.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> No matter. Please, go have a look outside;<br> -I'd hate to think he's found some place to hide.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE VI<br> -Orgon, Elmire<br> -<br> -Orgon</b> [<i>coming out from under the table</i>]. There, I swear, is an abominable man!<br> -I can't get over it. What is his plan?<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> How now? Come out so soon? Were you having fun?<br> -Get back down there. We've only just begun.<br> -Wait till the end to be completely sure,<br> -And don't put your faith in mere conjecture.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> No man more evil has been spawned in Hell.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Dear Lord! Don't believe the lies people tell.<br> -Be wholly convinced before you concede:<br> -Cautious men shun the slips that come with speed.<br> -<br> -[<i>She pushes her husband behind her.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE VII<br> -Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon<br> -<br> -Tartuffe</b> [<i>without seeing Orgon</i>]. All things conspire, madame, for my contentment:<br> -I've closely examined the whole apartment;<br> -No one is around, and my heart's delight. . .<br> -<br> -[<i>Just as Tartuffe comes forward with open arms to embrace Elmire, she steps back and Tartuffe sees Orgon.</i>]<br> -<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>stopping him</i>]. Hold on! Your desires are too quick to ignite,<br> -And you mustn't let passion be overdone.<br> -Oh! Man of blessings, you wished to give me one!<br> -How temptation has taken over your life!<br> -You'd marry my daughter, and covet my wife!<br> -I've doubted your word for quite a long while,<br> -And I've always believed you'd change your style;<br> -But this is enough to give me my proof:<br> -I am fed up and want no more, Tartuffe.<br> -<b>Elmire</b> [<i>to Tartuffe</i>]. It was against my will to act this way,<br> -But I was forced into the part I play.<br> -<b>Tartuffe</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. What? You think . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Come, please, let's have no to-do.<br> -Get out of my home without more ado.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> My intent . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> This is no time for sly repartee;<br> -You must leave my house immediately.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> You must leave, you who speak as the master:<br> -The house is mine, and you'd better learn fast or<br> -I shall show you that it's senseless to pick<br> -A fight with me using this cowardly trick,<br> -That it will get you nowhere to insult me,<br> -And that I will punish your falsity,<br> -Avenge God's wounds, and make you grieve<br> -For talking here about forcing me to leave.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE VIII<br> -Elmire, Orgon<br> -<br> -Elmire.</b> What is he saying and what is he after?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I'm ashamed to say this is no time for laughter.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> Why?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I see my error by what he said;<br> -I gave him my lands. What was wrong with my head?<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> You gave him . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Yes and they can't be restored,<br> -But there's something else that troubles me more.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> What is that?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I'll tell you soon, but first there's<br> -A certain box I want to find upstairs.<br> -<br> -<b>ACT V<br> -SCENE I<br> -Orgon, Cleante<br> -<br> -Cleante.</b> Where are you rushing?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Who knows?<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> It might make sense<br> -To begin by having a conference<br> -About everything that has happened lately.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> That box of papers troubles me greatly;<br> -More than all the rest, it's cause for distress.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Why are those papers important to possess?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> My unfortunate friend Argus, when he<br> -Put them into my hands, swore me to secrecy.<br> -He chose to rely on me as he fled,<br> -And these papers, according to what he said,<br> -Are crucial to both his life and his wealth.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Then why didn't you keep them to yourself?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> It was a matter of conscience, you see,<br> -So I consulted Tartuffe in secrecy,<br> -And his arguments came to persuade me<br> -That he should keep the box for security,<br> -So I could deny having it on hand.<br> -And thus I'd have a subterfuge on demand<br> -With which my conscience might muddle through<br> -In swearing to things that I knew weren't true.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> You're in trouble, judging by appearances;<br> -Both the deed of gift and these confidences<br> -Are, to tell you my thoughts quite honestly,<br> -Measures that you took very thoughtlessly.<br> -They might put you in jail with such evidence,<br> -And since that man has it, it makes no sense<br> -To drive him away through your imprudence;<br> -You need to regain his full confidence.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> With what a fair appearance and touching zeal<br> -He hides a wicked soul and a heart of steel!<br> -And I, who received him begging and broke . . .<br> -That's it, I renounce all such pious folk.<br> -Henceforth, I will hold them as wholly evil<br> -And do my best to send them to the devil.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> It's just like you to get carried away!<br> -You can never stick to the middle way.<br> -To reason rightly is too much bother;<br> -You always rush from one excess to another.<br> -You can see your error and now you know<br> -That by a false zeal you were brought low.<br> -But to redeem yourself does logic demand<br> -That you embrace an error that's even more grand?<br> -And must you confuse the heart of a shill<br> -With the hearts of all the men of good will?<br> -Because a rascal had the luck or grace<br> -To dupe you with his austere and shining face,<br> -Must you believe everyone acts that way<br> -And no true church-man can be found today?<br> -Leave to libertines these foolish deductions.<br> -Seek true virtue, not a false deconstruction.<br> -Never rush into hasty admiration,<br> -And strive instead for moderation.<br> -If possible, don't admire false pretense,<br> -But also don't give true zeal cause for offense,<br> -And if you must fall to one extreme,<br> -Err in being too free with your esteem.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE II<br> -Damis, Orgon, Cleante<br> -<br> -Damis.</b> Father, is it true that this cad threatens you,<br> -That he has forgotten the gifts that bound you two,<br> -And that his shameful pride, maddeningly,<br> -Has repaid your kindness with tyranny?<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Yes, son; he's brought me to the verge of tears.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> Leave him to me. I'll cut off his ears.<br> -You must not flinch before his insolence<br> -For I'll soon restore your independence,<br> -And, to end the matter, I'll slice him like toast.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> That's exactly like a bratty boy's boast.<br> -Please make your angry words more moderate.<br> -We live during a time and in a state<br> -Where violent acts are clearly unlawful.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE III<br> -Madame Pernelle, Mariane, Elmire, Dorine, Damis, Orgon, Cleante<br> -<br> -Madame Pernelle.</b> What's happening? The tales I'm told are awful.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Novel things have been happening to me,<br> -And for all my kindness, this is my fee.<br> -I lift the man out of his misery;<br> -Like a brother, I take him home with me;<br> -Each day I treat him with greater largesse;<br> -I give him my daughter and all I possess;<br> -And at the same time the lying low-life<br> -Looks for the best way to seduce my wife,<br> -And, not fully content with what he's achieved,<br> -He threatens me with the gifts he's received,<br> -And he wishes to use, in ruining me,<br> -Those profits he gained from my foolish bounty<br> -To drive me from the home that I gave to him<br> -And reduce me to the state that he was in.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Poor man!<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> Son, I don't believe he'd allow<br> -Himself to take part in actions so foul.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> How's that?<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> People always resent holy men.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Mother, what were you trying to say just then?<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> That in your home one sees the strangest things;<br> -Among them is the hate that envy brings.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> How is it hate when I've told you the truth?<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> I warned you often when you were a youth:<br> -In this world virtue is oppressed forever;<br> -The envious may die, but envy never.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> But what does this have to do with today?<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> People are telling you lies and hearsay.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I've already said that I myself saw it.<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> The malice of gossips is infinite.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> You'll make me damn myself, Mother. I tell you<br> -I saw with my eyes just what he would do.<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> Some tongues always have some poison to spit,<br> -And nothing on earth is safe against it.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I do not know what these words of yours mean.<br> -I've seen it, I say, seen, with these eyes seen--<br> -Do you know the word, seen? Must I shout it<br> -In your ears a hundred times and still you doubt it?<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> Dear Lord! Appearances may be deceiving:<br> -You shouldn't judge based on what you're perceiving.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I'll go mad!<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> People are prone to suspicion;<br> -Misjudgment is part of the human condition.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> So I must interpret charitably<br> -His desire to cuckold me?<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> Don't you see<br> -That to accuse a man you need just cause,<br> -And until you're quite sure, you ought to pause.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> To be more certain, what would you advise?<br> -Should I have waited until before my eyes<br> -He had . . . You'll make me say something quite lewd.<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> I'm sure that a holy zeal has imbued<br> -His soul, and I can't begin to believe<br> -That he would be willing to cheat or deceive.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Leave me . . . I'm now so angry that if you<br> -Were not my mother, I'm not sure what I'd do.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. This is fair payment, sir, for what we received.<br> -You wouldn't believe us; now you're not believed.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> We are wasting time on foolish pleasures<br> -That would be better spent in active measures.<br> -We should not ignore this swindler's threats.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> What! Does his boldness have no boundaries yet?<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> For myself, I don't believe it's possible;<br> -His ingratitude would be too visible.<br> -<b>Cleante</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. Don't put your faith in that. He will find ways<br> -To gild with reason all the things he says;<br> -And with less than this the people in power<br> -Have forced their foes to cringe and cower.<br> -I tell you again: well-armed as they are,<br> -You should never have pushed him quite so far.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> True, but what could I do? Facing that bastard,<br> -I felt resentment that I never mastered.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> I deeply desire to arrange between you<br> -Some shadow of peace, however untrue.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> If I had known that he possessed such arms,<br> -I would never have set off these alarms,<br> -And my . . .<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>to Dorine, seeing Monsieur Loyal enter</i>].<br> - What does this man want? Go and see.<br> -I don't wish to have anyone meet with me!<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE IV<br> -Monsieur Loyal, Madame Pernelle, Orgon, Damis, Mariane, Dorine, Elmire, Cleante<br> -<br> -Monsieur Loyal</b> [<i>to Dorine</i>]. Hello, my dear sister. Could you please see<br> -If your master is in?<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> He has company,<br> -And I doubt he'll be able to see you now.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> I have not come here to cause a row.<br> -I don't think that my presence will displease<br> -Him; I come, in fact, to put him at ease.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Your name?<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> Tell him only that I've come here<br> -For Monsieur Tartuffe, and to give him cheer.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. It's a man who has come quite civilly,<br> -On behalf of Monsieur Tartuffe, to see,<br> -He says, to your pleasure.<br> -<b>Cleante</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. You'd best find out<br> -Who he is and what he has come here about.<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>to Cleante</i>]. Perhaps he has come here to reconcile us.<br> -How should I act and what should we discuss?<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Don't let any of your anger appear,<br> -And if he speaks of a deal, make him be clear.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. Greetings, sir. May God destroy all your foes<br> -And favor you as much as I propose!<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>aside to Cleante</i>]. This civil start meets my approbation<br> -And foreshadows some accommodation.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> At one time I was your father's employee,<br> -And this whole house is very dear to me.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I ask your pardon, sir, but to my shame<br> -I'm totally ignorant of your name.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> My name is Loyal. I come from Normandy.<br> -I'm the bailiff here, in spite of envy.<br> -For the last forty years, thanks be to God,<br> -I've done my duty and retained by job.<br> -And I've come to you, with your permission,<br> -To serve this notice of your eviction.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> What! You're here . . .<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> Let's have no irritation.<br> -This is nothing more than notification,<br> -An order to evict both you and yours,<br> -Put your furniture out and lock the doors,<br> -Without pardon or delay to fulfill . . .<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Me! Leave this place?<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> Yes, monsieur, if you will.<br> -This house now belongs, I have ample proof,<br> -To your very good friend, Monsieur Tartuffe.<br> -He is master and lord of all your wealth<br> -By virtue of a deed he showed me himself.<br> -It is in due form and cannot be doubted.<br> -<b>Damis</b> [<i>to Monsieur Loyal</i>]. What impudence! I'm amazed about it.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal</b> [<i>to Damis</i>]. You and I, sir, have no business and you'd<br> -Best leave things to this man [<i>pointing to Orgon</i>], who's civil and shrewd,<br> -And knows too well the duties of my office<br> -To wish to oppose himself to justice.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> But . . .<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. I know that not even a million<br> -Dollars would make you cause a rebellion,<br> -And that you will be an honest citizen<br> -And let me fulfill the orders I'm given.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> You may soon feel upon your black soutane,<br> -Monsieur Bailiff, the heavy weight of this cane.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. Command your son to be quiet or depart,<br> -Monsieur; I would regret to have to report<br> -All this and make these matters more official.<br> -<b>Damis</b> [<i>aside</i>]. This Monsieur Loyal seems quite disloyal!<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> For all worthy men there's a place in my heart,<br> -And I would not have wished, sir, to take part<br> -In this, except to lift some of your burden,<br> -By preventing the chore from falling to one<br> -Who might not share my opinion of you<br> -And who wouldn't proceed as gently as I do.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> And what could be worse than the evil crime<br> -Of evicting me?<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> I'm giving you time,<br> -And until morning I'll hold in abeyance<br> -The execution of this conveyance.<br> -I shall only come here with ten of my boys<br> -To spend the night, without scandal or noise.<br> -For the sake of form please bring to me, before<br> -You go up to bed, the keys to your door.<br> -I'll take care not to disrupt your repose<br> -And not to do anything you would oppose.<br> -But tomorrow morning you must get set<br> -To empty the house, down to the last brochette.<br> -My boys will assist you. Each one's a strong lout<br> -And will do all he can to help move you out.<br> -I'm doing my best to use common sense,<br> -And, since I'm treating you with such indulgence,<br> -I beg you, sir, to act the same way to me.<br> -Let no one bar me from doing my duty.<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>aside</i>]. With a happy heart I would at once pay<br> -The last hundred francs that are mine today<br> -For the power and pleasure of hitting his snout<br> -With one absolutely sensational clout.<br> -<b>Cleante</b> [<i>quietly, to Orgon</i>].<br> -Go easy, don't make things worse.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> My hand itches<br> -To get in a fight with these sons of bitches.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Monsieur Loyal, I think it might become you<br> -To have your broad back beaten black and blue.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> These wicked words deserve condemnation,<br> -And women, too, may earn incarceration.<br> -<b>Cleante</b> [<i>to Monsieur Loyal</i>]. Let's end it now; that's enough for today.<br> -Hand over the paper, and be on your way.<br> -<b>Monsieur Loyal.</b> Until later, then. Heaven keep you in joy!<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> May it confound you, and your employer!<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE V<br> -Orgon, Cleante, Mariane, Elmire, Madame Pernelle, Dorine, Damis<br> -<br> -Orgon.</b> There! You now see, mother, that I was right,<br> -And you can judge of the rest by this writ.<br> -Do you admit at last that he can lie?<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> It's as if a bolt has struck from the sky.<br> -<b>Dorine</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. You're wrong to complain, and wrong to blame him.<br> -These things show the grand plans of your seraphim.<br> -His neighborly love finds consummation<br> -In proving that wealth causes degradation,<br> -And from pure charity he wants to remove<br> -Every obstacle between you and God's love.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Shut up. . . . I'm always saying that to you.<br> -<b>Cleante</b> [<i>to Orgon</i>]. Let us consider what we ought to do.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> We must expose this man's insolent acts.<br> -His deeds invalidate all the contracts.<br> -And his disloyalty will seem too plain<br> -If he tries to use them for personal gain.<br> -<br> -<b>SCENE VI<br> -Valere, Orgon, Cleante, Elmire, Mariane, Madame Pernelle, Damis, Dorine<br> -<br> -Valere.</b> I'm sorry, sir, that I've come to distress you;<br> -But certain dangers may soon oppress you.<br> -A friend, whose love for me is deep and true<br> -And who knows how much I care about you,<br> -Has had enough courage to violate<br> -The secrecy of affairs of state<br> -And has just now sent me word that you might<br> -Be well-advised to take sudden flight.<br> -The villain who has been imposing on you<br> -Has gone to the Prince to accuse you too,<br> -And put into his hands, like a blade of hate,<br> -The vital papers of a traitor of State,<br> -Which he says that you've kept in secrecy<br> -Despite the duties of aristocracy.<br> -I don't know the details of the alleged crime,<br> -But a warrant against you has been signed,<br> -And he himself is assigned to assist<br> -Those who will soon come to make the arrest.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Now his claims are well-armed; and the ingrate<br> -Seeks to become master of your estate.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I swear, that man is a vile animal!<br> -<b>Valere.</b> The slightest trifling could well be fatal.<br> -My coach is right here to take you away<br> -With a thousand louis that I've pledged to pay.<br> -Don't lose any time; the arrow has sped,<br> -And this is one blow that ought to be fled.<br> -I myself will guide you to a safe place<br> -And will stay with you to be sure there's no chase.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> I owe you much for your solicitude!<br> -But there isn't time for my gratitude,<br> -And I pray to God to grant what I need<br> -So that one day I may repay this good deed.<br> -Farewell. The rest of you take care . . .<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Go on.<br> -We'll look after everything when you're gone.<br> -<br> -<b>Final Scene<br> -Police Officer, Tartuffe, Valere, Orgon, Elmire, Mariane, Madame Pernelle, Cleante, Damis, Dorine<br> -<br> -Tartuffe</b> [<i>stopping Orgon</i>]. Slowly, slowly, sir. You needn't run there.<br> -You won't have to go far to hide in your lair.<br> -In the Prince's name we will shackle you fast.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Traitor, you've kept this final shaft for last.<br> -This is the blow with which you dispatch me,<br> -And this is what crowns all your perfidy.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Your scorn causes me scant irritation;<br> -I bear it as a holy obligation.<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> This is scant sign of your moderation.<br> -<b>Damis.</b> How impudently the wretch mocks veneration!<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> None of your outbursts mean a thing to me,<br> -For I think of nothing but doing my duty.<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Your pretense to honor is all a fake,<br> -And this is just the right job for you to take.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> The task can only shower me with grace<br> -Since our Prince's command has sent me to this place.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> But don't you recall how my charity<br> -Raised you, you ingrate, from your misery?<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Yes, I know that I once received assistance,<br> -But my duty to the Prince demands this persistence:<br> -'Tis a sacred duty of such fortitude<br> -That it has suppressed all my gratitude,<br> -And I would sacrifice to this powerful force<br> -Friends, wife, parents, and myself, of course.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> The hypocrite!<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> How well he can create<br> -A treacherous cloak from all we venerate!<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> But if this zeal which drives you, and with which<br> -You plume yourself, lifts you to a holy niche,<br> -Why is it that it didn't come to life<br> -Until after he caught you with his wife,<br> -And why did you only denounce him today<br> -After honor made him chase you away?<br> -I don't claim that the gift of all his estates<br> -Ought to distract you from duty's dictates,<br> -But if you planned to reveal his treason here,<br> -Why were you willing to take his wealth back there?<br> -<b>Tartuffe</b> [<i>to the Officer</i>]. From all this noise, sir, please deliver me,<br> -And be so kind as to enforce your decree.<br> -<b>Police Officer.</b> Yes, I've been rather slow to issue it.<br> -Your own mouth aptly invites me to do it;<br> -And so it will be done if you will come<br> -Straight to the jail that will be your new home.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> Who? Me, sir?<br> -<b>Police Officer.</b> Yes, you.<br> -<b>Tartuffe.</b> But why to prison?<br> -<b>Police Office.</b> I need not explain to you my reason.<br> -[<i>To Orgon.</i>] Calm yourself, sir, after passions of such heat.<br> -We're ruled by a Prince who's a foe to deceit,<br> -A Prince whose eyes can read what the soul has writ,<br> -And who can't be fooled by a hypocrite.<br> -Blessed with a fine discernment, his great heart<br> -Always sees the whole picture, not just each part.<br> -Nothing can drive him to exaggeration;<br> -His firm reason clings to moderation.<br> -He confers on men of worth immortal glory;<br> -But that zeal is not blind or peremptory,<br> -And his love for what's true does not turn his eye<br> -From the power of falseness to horrify.<br> -This man here was unable to entrap him;<br> -His defenses are sound when such snares enwrap him.<br> -From the start, he pierced with his perceptive sight<br> -Through the veils that hid this evil from light.<br> -Tartuffe betrayed himself by accusing you,<br> -And, in divine justice, revealed his true<br> -Colors to the Prince as an infamous cad<br> -Whose deeds under another name were so bad<br> -That the record they made was wholly black<br> -And Satan might use them as his almanac.<br> -In short, this king was revolted to see<br> -His ingratitude to you and disloyalty;<br> -To his other crimes, he has joined this one<br> -And has only allowed it so everyone<br> -Could see his audacity's evil ends<br> -And then see him required to make amends.<br> -All your papers, which the wretch has pawed through,<br> -Are here taken away and returned to you.<br> -With his sovereign power he will abrogate<br> -The contract by which you gave away your estate,<br> -And finally he pardons that secret offense<br> -Which you once committed through benevolence.<br> -This is the reward for the courage you showed<br> -In support of his rights in the late episode,<br> -And to demonstrate that, when least expected,<br> -One's past deeds may be recollected,<br> -That he will never forget a good deed,<br> -And that good outweighs evil in time of need.<br> -<b>Dorine.</b> Heaven be praised!<br> -<b>Madame Pernelle.</b> We're no longer distressed.<br> -<b>Elmire.</b> What a happy ending!<br> -<b>Mariane.</b> Who could have guessed?<br> -<b>Orgon</b> [<i>to Tartuffe, whom the Officer is leading away</i>].<br> -Good. There you go, traitor . . .<br> -<b>Cleante.</b> Ah! Brother, cease,<br> -And don't degenerate to indignities.<br> -Leave to himself this miserable clown,<br> -And don't add to the remorse that weighs him down.<br> -Hope instead that his heart may one day<br> -Make a happy return to the virtuous way,<br> -That he'll reform his life and lament his past,<br> -And cause our great Prince to temper justice at last.<br> -You should throw yourself on your knees in praise<br> -Of the kindness and lenience shown these days.<br> -<b>Orgon.</b> Yes, that's well said. Let us kneel down with joy<br> -And praise the kind deeds of his envoy.<br> -Then, having acquitted part of our duty,<br> -Let's turn to address the claims of beauty,<br> -And by a fine wedding crown in Valere<br> -A lover who's both generous and sincere.<br> -<br> -<b>THE END</b><br></p> -<p>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TARTUFFE ***</p> - -<div style='text-align:left'> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will -be renamed. -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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Hoeper - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Tartuffe - or The Hypocrite - -Author: Jean-Baptiste Poquelin Moliere - -Translator: Jeffrey D. Hoeper - -Release Date: April 3, 2009 [eBook #28488] - [Most recently updated July 30, 2023] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TARTUFFE *** - - -This work is granted to the public domain by its translator, -Jeffrey D. Hoeper. - - - -Moliere (Jean-Baptiste Poquelin) 1622-1673 - -Tartuffe or The Hypocrite - -Translated by Jeffrey D. Hoeper - -ACT I -SCENE I -Madame Pernelle and her servant Flipote, Elmire, Mariane, Dorine, Damis, Cleante - -Mme. Pernelle. Let's go, Flipote, let's go. I hate this place. -Elmire. I can't keep up, you rush at such a pace. -Mme. Pernelle. Peace, my dear, peace; come no farther. - I don't wish to cause you any bother. -Elmire. What duty demands, I insist on giving. - But, mother, what has caused your hasty leaving? -Mme. Pernelle. I just can't stand the way your household runs . . . - And no one cares what I wish to have done. - Oh, yes, I leave your household quite dissatisfied - For all my wise advice has been defied . . . - And nobody respects me, and everybody shouts, - And truly this is a home for the king of louts! -Dorine. If . . . -Mme. Pernelle. You, my dearie, are a bold lassy, - A little brazen and very sassy, - You butt into everything to speak your mind. -Damis. But . . . -Mme. Pernelle. You, grandson, are a fool of the worst kind. - It is I, your grandmother, that pronounce this edict - And to my son, your father, I have oft predicted - That you'll turn out to be a worthless wastrel, - And give him in life a foretaste of Hell. -Mariane. I think . . . -Mme. Pernelle. My lord, his sister! You seem so discreet - And so untainted, so very sweet, - But the stillest waters are filled with scum, - And your sly ways earn my revulsion. -Elmire. But . . . -Mme. Pernelle. Daughter, my views may make you mad, - But your conduct in all things is all bad. - In your family's eyes you should be an example-setter; - In that respect their late mother did far better. - You are extravagant, and it wounds me, I guess, - To see you sashay about dressed like a princess. - A woman who wishes only to please her mate, - Dear daughter, need not primp and undulate. -Cleante. Madam, after all . . . -Mme. Pernelle. And her brother, as for you, - I respect you, love you, and revere you, too, - But finally, if I were my son, her spouse, - I would at once beg you to leave this house. - Without cease you teach your rules and mottos - Which decent people should never follow. - I now speak frankly, but it is my part; - I never spare the words that stir my heart. -Damis. Your man Tartuffe is satisfied, no fear . . . -Mme. Pernelle. He is a holy man whom all should hear, - And I cannot bear, without great rue, - To hear him mocked by a fool like you. -Damis. What? Am I myself to bear a carping critic, - A base usurper with a power tyrannic, - Such that we can do nothing for diversion - Without hearing about that creep's aversion? -Dorine. If we were to hear and obey his whims, - We couldn't do anything without sins - For he forbids all, this false Capuchin. -Mme. Pernelle. And everything he forbids is well forbidden. - He strives to guide you on the road to heaven, - And it's my son's duty to make you love him. -Damis. No, grandma, neither dad nor anyone else - Can oblige me to wish for his good health. - I'd be false to myself if I didn't say this: - When I see him around, I begin to get pissed. - I can smell the outcome, and soon this coot, - And I will find ourselves in a grand dispute. -Dorine. It's certainly a clear cause for remark - When a nobody acts like a patriarch, - A beggar who was barefoot when he came hence - And whose whole wardrobe wasn't worth two cents! - And he's gone so far as to forget his past for - He opposes everything and plays the master. -Mme. Pernelle. Ah! mercy on me! Things would be better, - If you'd only follow his holy orders. -Dorine. He passes for a saint in your fantasy, - But, I swear, he acts with hypocrisy. -Mme. Pernelle. Watch your tongue! -Dorine. Not to him nor his man Laurent - Would I trust my honor without good warrant. -Mme. Pernelle. I don't know what his servant's like at heart, - But for the man himself, I'll guarantee his part. - You only treat him with hate and aversion - Because he truly strives for your conversion. - He hurls his heart up against each sin - And the glory of God is all he hopes to win. -Dorine. Yes. But why, especially during some - Time past, must he ban all guests from our home? - Can a courtesy call offend Heaven - Enough to merit a huge commotion? - Would you like it explained, just between us? [Gesturing toward Elmire.] - Of Madam there, on my oath, he's jealous! -Mme. Pernelle. Be quiet, and think before you speak. - Others, too, condemn the company you keep. - All this bustle from the people who arrive, - The carriages ceaselessly parking at curb-side, - And the servants in a circle chattering, - Make noise that your neighbors find nerve-shattering. - I'd like to think there's no harm meant, - But when gossips talk, they're malevolent. -Cleante. How can you hope to stop people talking? - It would truly be most irritating - If, for the sake of idle, foolish chatter, - We must renounce the friends that really matter. - And even if we could resolve to do it, - How could you hope to keep the whole world quiet? - No castle wall can defend against lies, - So let's ignore the fools who criticize, - And strive to live in innocence and ease, - Letting gossips gossip as they please. -Dorine. Daphne, our neighbor, and her petty spouse-- - Weren't they the ones who slandered this house? - Those whom the whole world finds ridiculous - Are always first in line to stick it to us. - They never fail to sniff out and swiftly share - The earliest rumor of a love affair, - Sowing seeds of scandal with eager expedition - And twisting truth past all recognition. - In their own colors, they paint all others, - Brazenly calling all men their brothers; - In the faint hope of finding some resemblance, - They try to give a gloss of innocence - To their schemes or to make others share - The burden of blame that is only theirs. -Mme. Pernelle. All this hair-splitting is off the subject. - Orante lives a life that is perfect - With all her thoughts on heaven, and I hear - That she deeply mourns the way you live here. -Dorine. The lady herself is quite an example! - You want a chaste life? She's a nice sample. - But old age has stuck her in this zealous mood, - And everyone knows she's a reluctant prude. - 'Cause as long as she could snare a man's heart, - She was more than willing to play her part. - But now that her eyes have lost their luster, - She leaves the world that already left her - And uses a pompous veil of phony wisdom - To hide the fact that her looks are gone. - It's the last resort of the aging flirt, - So peeved at having no man at her skirt - That, alone and abandoned to solitude, - Her only recourse is to become a prude. - And these good women censure all with such - Great severity; nor do they pardon much. - They biliously blame immorality - Not from charity, but only from envy - That others are drinking in that pleasure - From which old age now drains their measure. -Mme. Pernelle [to Elmire]. Such idle tales form a silly song. - In your home, my dear, I've been silenced too long - Because, like a crap-shooter with the die, - Madame won't give up her turn; but now my - Chance has come. I applaud my son's great wisdom - In opening his home to this holy person - Who's been heaven-sent to meet your needs - In turning from evil to God's holy deeds. - For your soul's salvation, please pay attention: - What he reprehends, merits reprehension. - These visits, these balls, these conversations - Are flawless signs of Satanic possession. - In them you never hear the holy Credo-- - Just songs, chatter, gossip, malice, and innuendo. - Often the neighbors get stabbed to the heart - By vicious lies from the third or fourth part. - So good people suffer real anxiety - From the sad confusion spread at your party. - A slew of slanders are spread along the way - And, as a doctor told me the other day, - This is truly the Tower of Babylon - Because everyone babbles on and on; - And, to tell a story that now comes to mind . . . - Now look at him and how he laughs! [Indicating Cleante.] Go find - Some snickering fools. They are just your kind! - [To Elmire.] Adieu, my daughter. I'll say no more. - But I don't intend to darken your door - For a long, long time. You've fallen from grace. - [Slapping Flipote.] Hurry up, there! Don't stand staring into space! - Lord Almighty! I'll slap your silly face. - Go on, you slut, go on. - -SCENE II -Cleante, Dorine - -Cleante. I'm not following; - I'm sure there'd only be more quarrelling. - How that old harridan . . . -Dorine. Oh, how I regret - That she can't hear you use that epithet. - She'd tell you at length what she thinks of your wit, - And that she's not old enough to merit it. -Cleante. What a fuss she made about nearly nothing! - And what a passion for Tartuffe, her darling! -Dorine. Oh! Really, she's normal compared to her son, - And if you could see him, you'd say, "Here's one - Who's nuts!" During the war, he seemed quite sage, - And in serving his prince, showed some courage, - But now he's become an absolute fool - Since he gave himself up to Tartuffe's rule. - He calls him his brother and the love of his life-- - More dear than mother, daughter, son, or wife. - He's the sole confidant of all his secrets - And the sole director of all his projects. - He caresses him, kisses him, and could not show a mistress - More love and affection than he gives to this - Leech. At dinner he gives him the highest place - And watches with joy as he stuffs his face - With cakes and tarts and often the best part - Of a pig, and if he should happen to hiccup or fart, - Says, "God be with you!" He's mad about him-- - His honey, his hero. He always quotes him - And admires his deeds. His smallest acts are miracles - And even his stupidest words are oracles. - Tartuffe, who uses his dupe to make a buck, - Knows a hundred wily ways to pluck this duck; - He rakes off great sums with his biblical bull - And demands the right to censor us all. - His foolish footman has such presumption - That even he dares to give us instruction. - Madly preaching, he scatters with eyes afire - Our ribbons, our rouge, and our best attire. - Last night he ripped up with his own bare hands - A kerchief left lying in The Holy Lands, - Claiming our crime was truly gigantic - In mixing what's holy with what's Satanic. - -SCENE III -Elmire, Mariane, Damis, Cleante, Dorine - -Elmire [to Cleante]. You should be glad you missed the dreadful chore - Of attending her lecture beside the door-- - Here comes my spouse! Since he doesn't see me, - I'm going upstairs to rest quietly. -Cleante. Then I'll remain with no pleasure on my part - To tell him hello and then quickly depart. -Damis. Ask him about the marriage of Mariane. - I think Tartuffe will oppose it if he can, - For he sets up so many prerequisites, - And you know what an interest I take in it. - The heat that inflames my sister and Valere - Has made his sweet sister so very dear - To me that if . . . -Dorine. Shh, he's here. - -SCENE IV -Orgon, Cleante, Dorine - -Orgon. Hello, brother! -Cleante. I'm glad you've returned before my departure. - The countryside isn't quite blossoming yet. -Orgon. Dorine . . . One second brother, please! Just let - Me set my heart at ease and soothe my fear - Concerning the things that have happened here. [To Dorine.] - For these past two days, how have things gone on? - What has happened? And how is everyone? -Dorine. The first day your wife had a bad fever - And a headache that just wouldn't leave her. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. Tartuffe? He's in splendid shape, - Fat and flabby, with red lips, and a shining face. -Orgon. Poor fellow! -Dorine. That night, your wife felt so sick - And so feverish that she could only pick - At her dinner and scarcely ate a bite. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. He alone ate with all his might, - And devoutly devoured a pair of pheasants - And a leg of lamb in our lady's presence. -Orgon. Poor fellow! -Dorine. The whole night passed before she - Could even close her eyes to fall asleep; - Shivers and chills beset her in bed, - And right up till dawn we watched her with dread. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. Drowsy from all that he'd consumed, - He left the table, went straight to his room, - And fell quickly into his nice, warm sack - Where he slept all night flat on his back. -Orgon. Poor fellow. -Dorine. At last your wife began heeding - Our good advice that she needed bleeding, - And she began to recover soon thereafter. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. He couldn't have been any better. - To fortify himself against every ill - And to regain the blood that Madam spilled, - He drank at brunch four great glasses of wine. -Orgon. Poor fellow! -Dorine. Both of them are now quite fine; - I'll now be going up to tell your wife - Of your deep concern at this threat to her life. - -SCENE V -Orgon, Cleante - -Cleante. She's making fun of you to your face, brother; - And, though I don't intend to be a bother, - I must frankly admit that there's some justice - In what she says. What a crazy caprice - You have for him! And how could he exert - Such charm that you'll even let your wife be hurt? - After taking this pauper into your heart, - You go so far . . . -Orgon. Stop there! Or we must part! - You don't know the man to whom you refer. -Cleante. Okay. Say I don't know him if you prefer, - But then to know what sort of man he might be . . . -Orgon. Brother, you'd be charmed if you could only see - Him, and your glee would be . . . gargantuan! - He's a man who . . . who . . . a man . . . well, a man! - Learn from him a peacefulness most exquisite, - That lets you drop your woes like . . . dried horseshit! - Yes, I've been reborn because of his preaching: - He teaches me that I shouldn't love anything, - From every earthly passion he has freed my life; - I'd watch my brother, mother, children, and wife - Drop dead without caring so much as that! [He snaps his fingers.] -Cleante. You've sure got humane sentiments down pat! -Orgon. Ah! If you'd seen him as I did at first, - Your eyes would have feasted on him with a spiritual thirst! - Each day he came to church smiling with sweet peace - And threw himself down before me on both knees. - He drew upon himself the eyes of everyone there - By the holy fervor of his pious prayer. - He sighed and wept with a most saintly passion - And humbly kissed the earth in a fetching fashion; - And when I was going, he rushed out front - To bless me with water from the holy font. - His servant (matching his master to a T) - Then informed me of his identity-- - And his poverty. So I made a donation, - But then he tried to return a portion. - "It's too much," he said. "You're too generous; - I don't merit your pity and kindness." - And when I refused to take it back, he gave - It in alms to the poor right there in the nave. - Then God bade me take him into my home - And now life is sweet as a honeycomb. - He governs us all, and to protect my honor - Bids my wife grant his godly rule upon her. - He forewarns me of men who might give her the eye, - And he really seems far more jealous than I! - Why, you wouldn't believe his fear of Hell! - He thinks himself damned for the least bagatelle. - Such trifles suffice to scandalize him - That he even accused himself of sin - For having slain with a bit too much wrath - A flea that just happened to cross his path. -Cleante. My goodness, brother! I think you're crazy! - Are you mocking me with sheer lunacy? - And how can you pretend that this pure rot . . . ? -Orgon. Dear brother, your words reek of that free thought - With which I find you more than a bit impeached, - And, as ten times or more I have clearly preached, - You will soon find yourself in a wicked bind. -Cleante. Now this is the normal jargon of your kind. - They want everyone to be as blind as they are. - To be clear-sighted, is to be in error, - And one who rejects their vain hypocrisy - Has no respect for faith or sanctity. - Go on, all your tart sermons scarcely smart; - I know what I'm saying, and God sees my heart. - I'm not a slave to your silly ceremony. - There is false piety like false bravery; - Just as one often sees, when honor calls us, - That the bravest men never make the most fuss, - So, too, the good Christians, whom one should follow, - Are not those who find life so hard to swallow. - What now? Will you not make any distinction - Between hypocrisy and true devotion? - Would you wish to use the same commonplace - To describe both a mere mask and a true face? - To equate artifice with sincerity - Is to confound appearance and reality. - To admire a shadow as much as you do - Is to prefer counterfeit money to true. - The majority of men are strangely made! - And their true natures are rarely displayed. - For them the bounds of reason are too small; - In their shabby souls they love to lounge and sprawl. - And very often they spoil a noble deed - By their urge for excess and reckless speed. - But all this, brother, is idle chatter. -Orgon. Without doubt you are a renowned teacher; - With all the world's knowledge in your coffer. - You're the only oracle, the wisest sage, - The enlightened one, the Cato of our age; - And next to you, all other men are dumb. -Cleante. Brother, I know I'm not the wisest one - Nor the most learned man in Christendom - But in moral matters my greatest coup - Is to differentiate false from true. - And since I know of no heroes about - More to be praised than the truly devout - And nothing at all with greater appeal - Than the holy fervor of saintly zeal, - So too nothing could be more odious - Than the white-washed face of a zeal that's specious, - Or these frank charlatans, seeking places, - Whose false and sacrilegious double faces - Exploit our love of God and make a game - Of our reverence for Christ's holy name. - These people who, with a shop-keeper's soul, - Make cheap trinkets to trade on the Credo, - And hope to purchase credit and favor - Bought with sly winks and affected fervor; - These people, I say, whose uncommon hurry - On the path to Heaven leads through their treasury, - Who, writhing and praying, demand a profit each day - And call for a Retreat while pocketing their pay, - Who know how to tally their zeal with their vices,-- - Faithless, vindictive, full of artifices-- - To ruin someone they'll conceal their resentment - With a capacious cloak of Godly contentment. - They are doubly dangerous in their vicious ire - Because they destroy us with what we admire, - And their piety, which gains them an accolade, - Is a tool to slay us with a sacred blade. - There are many men in this false disguise, - But those with pure hearts are easy to recognize. - Our age, my friend, has brought into plain sight - Many glorious examples of what is right. - Look at Ariston, or Periandre, - Oronte, Alcidamus, or Clitandre; - Their title is one that all agree to. - They decline any fanfare for their virtue; - They don't indulge in vain ostentation; - Their humane faith finds form in moderation; - They never censure all of our actions, - For they sense the vain pride in such transactions. - And, leaving boastful rhetoric to others, - By their own actions they reprove their brothers. - The appearance of evil is no concern of theirs; - They cast the best light on others' affairs. - They plot no intrigues; seek no one to fleece; - Their only concern is to live at peace. - They don't seek to cause any sinner chagrin; - Their abhorrence is directed only at sin. - And they don't take the side of God more extremely - Than God himself--who could act supremely! - These are my models, and these are their ways; - Such examples are the ones that most merit praise. - But your man, in truth, is not made from such steel. - In good faith, perhaps, you praise his great zeal, - But I think you're dazed by his meaningless - Glitter. -Orgon. Dear brother-in-law, are you finished? -Cleante. Yes. -Orgon. Your humble servant. [He begins to leave.] -Cleante. Pardon me. One word, brother. - Let's drop this discussion. You know that Valere - Has your word that he'll be Mariane's spouse. -Orgon. Yes. -Cleante. And you've announced this fact in your house. -Orgon. That is true. -Cleante. Then why postpone the event? -Orgon. I don't know. -Cleante. Do you intend to recant? -Orgon. Perhaps. -Cleante. How could you go back on your word? -Orgon. I didn't say I would. -Cleante. I hope no absurd - Hitch could make you retract your own promise. -Orgon. We'll see. -Cleante. Why do you speak with such finesse? - Valere sent me to ask you this verbatim. -Orgon. Praise God! -Cleante. But what shall I report to him? -Orgon. What you please. -Cleante. But it is essential - To know your plans. What are they? -Orgon. To do all - That God wishes. -Cleante. Stick to the point. I know - Your promise. Will you keep it? Yes, or no? -Orgon. Farewell. -Cleante. I fear his promise will be withdrawn, - So I'd better report what's going on. - - - ACT II - -SCENE I -Orgon, Mariane - -Orgon. Mariane. -Mariane. Yes. -Orgon. Come here. We need to speak - Privately. -Mariane. Father, what is it you seek? -Orgon [looking in the closet]. I'm seeing if anyone can overhear us. - This is a perfect place for such a purpose. - There now, it's okay. Mariane, I find - You endowed with a heart that's sweet and kind - And you have always been most dear to me. -Mariane. A father's love brings true felicity. -Orgon. Well said, my child! And to earn it fully - You should devote yourself to contenting me. -Mariane. That's how my devotion is put to the proof. -Orgon. Good. Now what do you think of our guest, Tartuffe? -Mariane. Who me? -Orgon. You. Think well before you reply. -Mariane. Oh my! Tell me what to say . . . and I'll comply. - -[Dorine enters quietly and hides herself behind Orgon without being seen.] - -Orgon. That's sensibly spoken. Now tell me, girl, - That his merit shines like a gleaming pearl, - That he warms your heart, and that you would rejoice - To have him be your husband by my choice. - Eh? - -[Mariane recoils in dismay.] - -Mariane. Eh? -Orgon. What's that? -Mariane. Please? -Orgon. What? -Mariane. Am I in error? -Orgon. Why? -Mariane. Whom do you wish that I should now swear - Touches my heart--and who would rejoice me - If we joined, by your choice, in matrimony? -Orgon. Tartuffe. -Mariane. Out of the question, father, I assure - You! Why urge on me such an imposture? -Orgon. But, my dear, I wish it to be true, - And it should be enough that I've chosen for you. -Mariane. What? Father, would you . . .? -Orgon. Yes, I intend, you see - To unite in marriage Tartuffe and my family. - He will be your husband. I do declare it! - Since you have promised . . . - -SCENE II -Dorine, Orgon, Mariane - -Orgon [perceiving Dorine]. What do you stare at? - You must be eaten up with curiosity - To eavesdrop on my daughter and me. -Dorine. I don't know whether the rumor I hear - Is sly conjecture or a wicked smear; - But I've just heard word of this marriage, - And I trust it is only verbiage. -Orgon. Why? Is the idea itself so very absurd? -Dorine. I wouldn't believe it, sir, if you gave your word! -Orgon. I will make you believe it by-and-by. -Dorine. Yes. You're going to tell us a bald-faced lie. -Orgon. I am only saying what you will soon see. -Dorine. Nonsense! -Orgon. What I say, dear girl, will soon be. -Dorine. Go on. Don't believe him! It's too bizarre! - He's joking. -Orgon. I say . . . -Dorine. No, you've gone too far, - And no one believes you. -Orgon. Damn you, you shrew . . . -Dorine. Well, I believe you then; the worse for you. - What? Monsieur, can you pose as one who's sage, - Gravely stroking your bearded visage? - And still be fool enough to wish . . . -Orgon. Hear me! - I have given you too much liberty, - And it no longer gives me any pleasure. -Dorine. Monsieur, please. Keep your anger within measure. - Are you mocking us with your silly plot? - Your daughter is no match for a bigot; - He has other schemes to worry about. - And what would you gain if she wed this lout? - With your wealth, what benefit would it bring - To pick a bum . . . -Orgon. Ssh! Say he has nothing; - For that reason, you should revere him the more. - He is a holy man and nobly poor. - It raises him up to greater grandeur - That he has renounced all wealth by his pure - Detachment from the merely temporal - And his powerful love for the Eternal. - But my assistance may give him the means - To restore his lands and remove his liens. - He is a man of repute in the land of his birth, - And, even as he is, he's a man of worth. -Dorine. Yes, so he tells us, but his vanity - Does not sit so well with true piety. - A man pleased with a simple sanctity - Needn't vaunt his name and his dignity, - And the humility born of devotion - Suffers beneath such blatant ambition. - What good is his pride? . . . But perhaps I digress: - Let's speak of the man--not his nobleness. - Can you bestow, without feeling like a rat, - A girl like this on a man like that? - And shouldn't you think of propriety - And foresee the end with anxiety? - We know that some girls cannot remain chaste - If their husband's tush is not to their taste, - And that the best-laid plans for an honest life - Are somewhat easier for the best-laid wife, - And that many a man with a horned head - Has driven his wife to another man's bed. - It is entirely too much to ask - That a wife be faithful to a flabby ass. - And one who gives a girl to a man she hates - Is guilty before God for all her mistakes. - Consider the perils you expose yourself to. -Orgon. So you think I should learn how to live from you! -Dorine. You could do worse than follow my lead. -Orgon. Dear daughter, do drop this maid's daffy creed; - I know what's best for you in this affair. - It's true I betrothed you to young Valere, - But I hear he likes his dicing and drinking - And even worse is inclined to free-thinking. - I note with regret we don't see him at mass. -Dorine. Must he be there the same moment you pass - Like those who attend only to be seen? -Orgon. Your advice isn't wanted. Don't intervene. - Tartuffe is on the path to salvation, - And that is a treasure past calculation. - This wedding will bring blessings beyond measure, - And be crowned with great sweetness and pleasure. - Together you will live, thriving on love - Like new-born babes, or a pair of turtledoves. - You will never be found in angry debate - For you will find all that you wish in this mate. -Dorine. She'll only make him a cuckold, I'm sure. -Orgon. What? -Dorine. He looks just like a caricature, - And his fate, monsieur, will make him an ass - No matter how much virtue your daughter has. -Orgon. Don't interrupt me and remember your place - And quit sticking your nose up in my face! -Dorine. I'm only trying, sir, to protect you. - -[Hereafter she always interrupts him at the moment he begins speaking to his daughter.] - -Orgon. You're too kind, but do shut up--please do! -Dorine. If I didn't like you . . . -Orgon. I don't need liking. -Dorine. But I will like you, sir, despite your griping. -Orgon. Oh? -Dorine. Your honor is dear and I'd be provoked - To find you the butt of some smutty joke. -Orgon. Can't you keep quiet? -Dorine. In all good conscience, - It's a shame to foster such an alliance. -Orgon. Shut up, you viper, with your brazen traits . . . -Dorine. What? You've been reborn, yet you give way to hate? -Orgon. Yes, your twaddle has made me quite high-strung, - And I now insist that you hold your tongue. -Dorine. All right. But I'll think in silence nonetheless. -Orgon. Think if you wish to, but strive for success - At shutting your mouth . . . or beware. [Turning to his daughter] Let's see, - I have weighed everything quite maturely. -Dorine [aside]. I hate this silence. [She falls quiet every time Orgon turns toward her.] -Orgon. Without being smug, I'll - Say Tartuffe's face . . . -Dorine. Yes, he has a fine muzzle! -Orgon. Is so fine that even if you forgot - His other traits . . . -Dorine [aside]. And they're a sorry lot! - -[Orgon turns toward Dorine and, with his arms folded, listens while staring in her face.] - - If I were in her place, most assuredly - No man would wed me with impunity, - And I'd prove to him right after the wedding - That a wife's vengeance lies in the bedding! -Orgon [to Dorine]. So you refuse to obey me, is that true? -Dorine. What's your beef, sir? I'm not speaking to you. -Orgon. Then what are you doing? -Dorine. Soliloquizing. -Orgon. Very well. [aside] To give her a good chastising, - I think she needs a taste of the back of my hand. - [He prepares to slap her, but each time Dorine sees him looking at her, she stands silent and erect.] - Child, you should approve of all I have planned . . . - And have faith in the spouse . . . who's my designee. - [To Dorine.] Speak to yourself! -Dorine. I've nothing to say to me. -Orgon. Just one little word. -Dorine. I'm not in the mood. -Orgon. Because I was ready! -Dorine. What ineptitude! -Orgon. Now, daughter, let's see some obedience. - Accept my choice with complete deference. -Dorine [running away]. I'd thumb my nose at such a silly spouse. - [Orgon tries to slap Dorine and misses.] -Orgon. Daughter, your maid is a pest and would arouse - Vice in a saint--she's an absolute shrew! - I'm so upset that I can't continue. - Her taunts have nearly driven me to swear, - And I need to calm down in the open air. - -SCENE III -Dorine, Mariane - -Dorine. Have you entirely lost your voice and heart? - Why must I continue playing your part? - To think you allow such a mad proposal - Without voicing even a meek refusal! -Mariane. How can I resist such a harsh patriarch? -Dorine. By any means! Don't be an easy mark! -Mariane. But how? -Dorine. Tell him you can't love on command, - That you marry for yourself, not by demand, - And since you are most concerned in these affairs - You'll choose for yourself the sire of his heirs, - And that, if Tartuffe is so charming to him, - He can wed him himself--if that's his whim. -Mariane. A father, I'm sure, has absolute power; - Before him I can only cringe and cower. -Dorine. Use your head. Valere wants to tie the knot. - Do you really love him, I ask--or not? -Mariane. Your injustice to me has a mortal sting! - Dorine, how can you ask me such a thing? - Haven't I poured out my whole soul to you, - And don't you know yet that my love is true? -Dorine. How do I know that your heart echoes your voice - And that this love is truly your own choice? -Mariane. Your doubts, Dorine, wrong me greatly; - My real feelings are shown far too plainly. -Dorine. You love him then? -Mariane. Yes, with the strongest passion. -Dorine. And he seems to love you in the same fashion? -Mariane. I think so. -Dorine. And both of you burn equally - For this union in marriage? -Mariane. Certainly. -Dorine. And about this other man, what's your intention? -Mariane. I'd die before I'd submit to coercion. -Dorine. Fine! I hadn't thought of that recourse. - Death would give you such a forcible divorce. - What an ingenious remedy! Geez! - I hate to hear such stupid ideas. -Mariane. Good Heavens! What a rotten mood you're in! - You have no pity for my pain, Dorine! -Dorine. I have no sympathy for foolishness - And those who meet a crisis with such weakness. -Mariane. But what do you want me to do? I was born frail. -Dorine. A woman in love needs a heart of steel. -Mariane. But haven't I kept it free for my lover - Whose task it is to win me from my father? -Dorine. What! If your father is a mad fanatic - Whose love for Tartuffe is completely lunatic - And who has blocked the match you are now bewailing, - Is your lover to be damned for failing? -Mariane. But am I to display how deeply I'm bitten - By rejecting Tartuffe like one who's love-smitten? - Am I, because of Valere's strength and beauty, - To renounce my modesty and duty? - And would you have me show my heart to all . . . ? -Dorine. No, no, not at all. I'm wrong to forestall - Your marriage to Tartuffe, and my defiance - Is apparent in barring that alliance. - What reason have I for my outrageous - Attempt to stop something so advantageous? - Tartuffe! Oh! Isn't he something to behold? - Surely Tartuffe is not made from such a mold, - If rightly viewed, as to make a person laugh; - 'Twould be an honor to be his better half. - The whole world already crowns him with glory;-- - Both in physique and character he's laudatory; - He has red ears and a florid, flushing face - With him for a mate you'd live in joyful grace. -Mariane. Dear God! -Dorine. What delight you will feel within - To know that you're wed to a man like him. -Mariane. Oh! Please stop talking, and show me the way - To avoid this marriage. I will obey, - You've said enough, and I'm ready to be led. -Dorine. No. A good daughter must obey her dad-- - Even if he wishes her to make love - To an ape. What are you complaining of? - You will proceed to his little villa - Where you will get your absolute fill of - Uncles and cousins to be entertained. - Right away you'll move among the most urbane - Of hicks. First you will make some overture - To the wives of the judge and the tax assessor, - Who will kindly seat you on a folding chair. - During Carnival, you may hope to have there - A ball with two bagpipes for an orchestra - And maybe some puppets and a tame gorilla. - But if your husband . . . -Mariane. Oh! You're killing me. - Please help me avoid this catastrophe. -Dorine. I am your servant. -Mariane. Oh! Dorine, mercy . . . -Dorine. To punish you, I ought to leave things be. -Mariane. My dear girl! -Dorine. No. -Mariane. If I declared my love . . . -Dorine. No. Tartuffe is your man; that's sure enough. -Mariane. You know that I've always trusted that you'd - Help me . . . -Dorine. No. I'm sure you will be tartuffed. -Mariane. All right! Since my fate no longer moves you, - Henceforth you may leave me alone and blue; - From deep sorrow my heart will draw relief, - And I know an absolute cure for my grief. -[She starts to leave.] -Dorine. Whoa! I'm not really angry. Come back,--do. - In spite of everything, I pity you. -Mariane. If I'm to be the one you crucify, - You'll see, Dorine, how quickly I shall die. -Dorine. Don't torture yourself. We can easily - Block them. . . . But look! I think that's Valere I see. - -SCENE IV -Valere, Mariane, Dorine - -Valere. Gossip is singing a little ditty, - My dear,--news to me and very pretty. -Mariane. What? -Valere. That you will marry Tartuffe. -Mariane. It's true - That my father has such a plan in view. -Valere. Your father . . . -Mariane. Has altered his inclination. - Through him, all this has come to my attention. -Valere. What? Seriously? -Mariane. Yes, seriously. - He wants this wedding--quite decidedly! -Valere. And how does your heart respond to this plan, - Madam? -Mariane. I don't know. -Valere. Your response is plain. - You don't know? -Mariane. No. -Valere. No? -Mariane. What do you recommend? -Valere. I recommend that you accept this husband. -Mariane. You recommend that? -Valere. Yes. -Mariane. Really? -Valere. I do. - A wonderful choice, well worth attending to. -Mariane. Very well! That's advice, sir, that I accept. -Valere. I doubt that taking it causes you regret. -Mariane. No more regret than giving it causes you. -Valere. I gave it thinking pleasure would ensue. -Mariane. And I, I'll take it--simply to please you. -Dorine [moving upstage]. Let's see what comes of this hullabaloo. -Valere. So that's your love for me? And did you lie - When you . . . -Mariane. Please, let's not speak of days gone by. - You've told me quite plainly that I must embrace - As my mate the man they've chosen for that place, - And now I say that I promise to obey - Since you so kindly advise me that way. -Valere. Don't excuse yourself through circumlocution: - You've already made your own resolution, - And you've seized upon a frivolous excuse - To justify this lamentable ruse. -Mariane. Quite true and well said. -Valere. No doubt, and your soul - Never lost, for love of me, its self-control. -Mariane. Alas! Alas! You may as well think so. -Valere. Yes, I may think so, but my broken heart - Foresees you, too, suffering from Love's dart; - I know to whom I'll take my heart and hand. -Mariane. No doubt, and the love that merit can command... -Valere. Dear God, let's leave merit to one side. - I haven't much of it, as you have signified, - But I know where there's a woman, soft-eyed - And open-hearted . . . and this double-cross - May make her more inclined to recompense my loss. -Mariane. The loss isn't great; and your fickleness - Will soon lead you to find a new mistress. -Valere. I'll do my best--of that you may be sure! - When one is forgotten, it's hard to endure, - And so I, too, must struggle to forget. - If I can't do it, I'll fake it . . . and yet - I could never forgive my own servility - If I kept loving one who abandoned me. -Mariane. What a noble, uplifting sentiment! -Valere. Quite so. Everyone should give it their assent. - What? Do you think that I should perpetuate - The flame of love that I have felt of late, - And see you pass into another's arms - Without letting my heart seek other charms? -Mariane. No, indeed. It's what I want, and I vow - I wish the thing were to happen right now. -Valere. You do? -Mariane. Yes. -Valere. That's enough insults from you, - Madam, and now I will bid you adieu. -[He starts to leave; each time he does so, he quickly comes back.] -Mariane. Very well. -Valere [coming back]. At least remember that you - Are the one who forced me down this avenue. -Mariane. Yes. -Valere. And that I am doing nothing more - Than following the path you took before. -Mariane. So be it. -Valere [leaving]. Fine. I'm doing what you want. -Mariane. Good. -Valere [returning again]. I'm leaving forever--not some short jaunt. -Mariane. The sooner the better. - [He begins to leave and, when he is near the door, he returns.] -Valere. Eh? -Mariane. What? -Valere. You called? -Mariane. Me? No. -Valere. Ah. Well then, I'll soon be abroad. - Adieu, madam. [He slowly starts to leave.] -Mariane. Adieu. -Dorine [to Mariane]. I think, perchance, - You've lost your mind through extravagance, - And I've only allowed you to go on - Like this to see what folly you might spawn. - Hey! Valere! [She grabs him by the arm and he makes a show of resistance.] -Valere. Huh? What do you want, Dorine? -Dorine. Come here. -Valere. No. I'm too mad. Don't intervene. - She wishes me to drain this bitter cup. -Dorine. Stop. -Valere. No, can't you see that my mind's made up? -Dorine. Ah! -Mariane [aside]. My presence pains him, I drive him away. - I think it would be best if I didn't stay. -Dorine [She leaves Valere and runs after Mariane]. Now where are you going? -Mariane. Let go. -Dorine. Then return. -Mariane. No, no, Dorine. It's none of your concern. -Valere [aside]. I see that my presence causes her pain; - It would be best if I freed her again. -Dorine [She leaves Mariane and runs to Valere]. - Wait! May you both be damned if I want this mess! - Come here you two and settle this fracas. - [She pulls them both together.] -Valere [to Dorine]. But what's your plan? -Mariane [to Dorine]. What do you wish to do? -Dorine. To patch things up a bit between you two. - [To Valere]. Are you out of your mind to fight in this way? -Valere. Did you hear her treat me like a popinjay? -Dorine [to Mariane]. Are you mad to have gotten so enraged? -Mariane. Did you see what happened? It can't be assuaged. -Dorine. You're both dunces. [To Valere] She wants nothing more - Than to be the one woman you adore. - [To Mariane] He loves you alone, and to make you his wife - Is his only desire--I swear on my life! -Mariane [to Valere]. How, then, could you give me such bad advice? -Valere. And how could you demand it? Was that wise? -Dorine. You're both insane. Now give your hands to me. - [To Valere] Come on. -Valere [giving his hand to Dorine]. What for? -Dorine. There. [To Mariane] Now yours, don't you see. -Mariane [giving her hand as well]. What's the point of all this? -Dorine. Lord! Quick! Come on! - Your love for each other can't be withdrawn. - [Valere and Mariane hold hands for awhile without looking at each other.] -Valere [turning toward Mariane]. Don't react so painfully by the book. - Try giving a fellow a civil look. - [Mariane turns her gaze on Valere and gives him a shy smile.] -Dorine. All lovers are crazy! It's sad, but true. -Valere [to Mariane]. Am I not right to complain about you? - And to tell the truth, weren't you rather unkind - To delight in trying to unsettle my mind? -Mariane. What about you? Aren't you the bigger ingrate . . . ? -Dorine. Let's wait until later for this debate - And try instead to stop this marriage. -Mariane. Tell us, then, what we can use for leverage. -Dorine. We will wage warfare on every front. - Your father is bluffing and playing a stunt. - [To Mariane] But it might be better for you to seem - To sweetly consent to his crazy scheme - So that, whatever the future may bring, - You can postpone and postpone this wedding. - By gaining time, we gain our remedy. - Sometimes you will feign a strange malady - Whose sudden onset will bring some delay; - Sometimes an ill-omen will cause you dismay: - You saw a corpse and never felt queerer, - Dreamt of muddy water, or broke a mirror. - The point above all is that no one, I guess, - Can force you to marry unless you say, "Yes." - But our ship would sail in fairer weather - If you were never seen talking together. - [To Valere] Go, and without delay employ each friend - To keep him on course toward what we intend. - [To Mariane] We are going to seek help from his brother - And we'll also recruit your step-mother. - Farewell. -Valere [to Mariane]. Whatever we attempt to do, - In truth, my greatest hope resides in you. -Mariane [to Valere]. Although I cannot answer for my father, - I vow I'll never belong to another. -Valere. How happy you have made me! If they ever . . . -Dorine. Fie! You young lovers prattle forever! - Be off, I say. -Valere [going a step and then returning]. Finally . . . -Dorine. What blather! - You go off that way, and you go the other. - - - - -ACT III - -SCENE I -Damis, Dorine - -Damis. May a bolt of lightning now strike me dumb, - May everybody treat me like a bum - If either respect or force can hinder me - From blowing my top at this calamity! -Dorine. For heaven's sake, control your displeasure. - Your father has merely mentioned this measure. - No one does everything he proposes. - How something opens may not be how it closes. -Damis. I need to stop this vulgar coxcomb's plot - And in two little words tell him what's what. -Dorine. Whoa now! Why don't you let your step-mother - Manage him just as she does your father. - Over Tartuffe she has her own little ways - Of making him welcome all that she says, - And perhaps she makes his heart go pitter-patter. - Pray God it's true! That would be a fine matter. - In fact she has summoned him for your sake - In order to learn exactly what's at stake, - To find out his feelings, and to let him know - What really rotten results would flow - From any pretensions he might have to marry. - His valet says he's praying, and I should tarry-- - That he'll descend after he meditates. - Be off then, I beg you, and let me wait. -Damis. I demand to be here the whole time they meet. -Dorine. No. They must be alone. -Damis. I won't even speak. -Dorine. You're kidding yourself. You're so quick to anger, - And that would surely put us all in danger. - Go. -Damis. No. I'm going to watch--without getting cross. -Dorine. How tiresome you are! Here they come. Get lost! - [Damis hides himself in a closet.] - -SCENE II -Tartuffe, Laurent, Dorine - -Tartuffe [observing Dorine]. Laurent, lock up my hair shirt and my scourge, - And pray for freedom from each carnal urge. - If anyone comes calling, say I have gone - To share my alms with the poor souls in prison. -Dorine [aside]. Such affectation and boastful behavior! -Tartuffe. What do you wish? -Dorine. To say . . . -Tartuffe [taking a handkerchief from his pocket]. Wait! By our Savior, - Please! Before you speak take this handkerchief. -Dorine. Why? -Tartuffe. Because seeing your bosom causes me grief. - Through one's eyes one's soul may be wounded, - And then sinful thoughts may grow unattended. -Dorine. Then you are quite ready for temptation, - And bare skin makes on you a big impression. - I truly don't know why you feel such passion; - I myself think lust is out of fashion, - For I could see you nude from top to toe - Without your pelt setting my cheeks aglow. -Tartuffe. Put a little modesty in your discourse - Or I must leave you instantly perforce. -Dorine. No, it is I who will leave you here in peace, - And I will just say this before I cease: - Madam is coming down to visit you - And demands the favor of a rendezvous. -Tartuffe. Oh yes! Most willingly! -Dorine [to herself]. Isn't he sweet! - I'm even surer now that dog's in heat. -Tartuffe. Will she soon come? -Dorine. I think I can hear her. - Yes, there. Now I will leave you two together. - -SCENE III -Elmire, Tartuffe - -Tartuffe. May Heaven forever in its great bounty - Grant you good health both in soul and body, - And bless your days as much as he desires - Who is the humblest of those your love inspires! -Elmire. I'm much obliged for your pious wishes, but please, - Let us be seated and put ourselves at ease. -Tartuffe [sitting down]. Have you quite recovered from your illness? -Elmire [sitting as well]. Yes, my headache quickly lost its sharpness. -Tartuffe. My prayers haven't enough value to buy - Such grace from the Heavenly One on High, - But most of my recent prayers have in essence - Been mainly focused on your convalescence. -Elmire. Your concern for me is somewhat disquieting. -Tartuffe. I dearly cherish your precious well-being, - And to restore it I would have given my own. -Elmire. Such Christian charity is overblown, - But I am much obliged for all your care. -Tartuffe. I try to do as much for you as I dare. -Elmire. I wish to speak of some private business - And am pleased there's no one to overhear us. -Tartuffe. I, too, am delighted, and entre nous - It's very sweet being one-on-one with you. - For this also have I begged the Deity, - But only now has he granted it to me. -Elmire. I myself want an encounter between us two - Where your whole heart is opened through and through. - - [Without exposing himself and in order to better hear the conversation, Damis opens the door of the closet in which he is hiding.] - -Tartuffe. In exchange for this unique blessing, I - Desire only to reveal to you my - Whole soul, and to swear that all my preaching - About your guests--though perhaps over-reaching-- - Was not caused by any anger or hate - But rather by a zeal that's passionate - And pure . . . -Elmire. I wholly understand and declare - My belief that you seek only my welfare. -Tartuffe [pressing the tips of her fingers]. Yes, madam, it's true; my devotion is such . . . -Elmire. You're hurting me. -Tartuffe. Passion pushes me too much. - I never wanted to hurt you, I swear, - And I would rather . . . - [He puts his hand on her knee.] -Elmire. Why is your hand there? -Tartuffe. I'm feeling your dress. Such fine dimity! -Elmire. Oh! Please let me go. You're tickling me. - [She pushes her chair back, and Tartuffe moves his forward.] -Tartuffe [putting his hand on her lacy collar]. Dear Lord! But this workmanship is marvelous! - Lacework nowadays is miraculous. - I've never seen anything quite so fine. -Elmire. That's true. But let's speak of this concern of mine. - I hear that my husband may be breaking his word - And giving you his daughter. What have you heard? -Tartuffe. In truth, madam, some such words did transpire, - But that is not the joy to which I aspire, - And I see elsewhere those splendid attractions - Which I seek to attain through all of my actions. -Elmire. Then all your earthly love has been overthrown? -Tartuffe. My breast does not hold a heart made of stone. -Elmire. I'm sure that all your thoughts are on salvation, - And nothing less holds any fascination. -Tartuffe. The love that attracts us to what's eternal - Does not stop our love for the merely temporal. - Our senses can be quite easily charmed - By the perfect Earthly works that God has formed. - His glory is mirrored in those like you, - But in you yourself we see its rarest hue. - He has molded your face with such sublime art - That it surprises the eye and transports the heart, - And I can't gaze upon you, you perfect creature, - Without worshipping in you both God and nature, - And sensing in my soul an ardent love - For this, the most beautiful portrait by God above. - At first I feared that my secret passion - Might be a tricky trap laid by Satan, - And I even resolved to flee from your eyes - As if you were something to exorcise. - But I finally learned, oh beauty most lovable, - That my ardor for you could never be culpable, - That I should even consider it right, - And so I submit to my heart's delight. - I confess that I'm playing an audacious part - In presenting to you the gift of my heart, - But I place all my faith in your kindness - Like a beggar-man hindered by blindness. - In you I seek peace, hope, and happiness; - On you depends my torment or my bliss. - And through you alone I will finally be - Happy if you will, or sad if you please. -Elmire. That declaration is very urbane, - But in a man of God it's a bit profane. - You ought to protect your heart a bit better - And reflect more deeply on such a matter. - A saint like you whom we all hail . . . -Tartuffe. I may be holy, but I'm nonetheless male, - And when one sees your heavenly charms, - It's time for reason to throw up its arms. - I know such words from me may seem strange--though, - Madam, after all, I am not an angel, - And if you condemn the confession I'm making, - Admit nonetheless that your beauty's breath-taking. - From the first time I set eyes on your supreme - Splendor, my heart became yours and you my queen. - The ineffable sweetness of your divine gaze - Shattered my stout heart and set it ablaze. - That look conquered all--fasting, prayers, duty-- - And turned my vows into praise of your beauty. - My eyes and my sighs have often shown my choice - But to make it still clearer I now add my voice. - If you should look down with a kindly eye - Upon the base woes of a slave such as I - And if your great kindness should happen to lead - You to stoop down and grant what I need, - I should always have for you, oh precious one, - A love that beggars all comparison. - With me your honor will never be damaged; - No disgrace can attend an affair I have managed. - All these gallants at court, for whom wives act absurd, - Are reckless in their deeds and rash in their words. - They endlessly brag about every success. - Each favor they receive, they quickly confess, - And their wagging tongues, on which you rely, - Dishonor the shrine before which they lie. - But men like me burn with a discreet fever, - And we keep your sweet secrets safe forever. - The concern we have for our good reputation - Will also preserve you in your own station; - In us you will find, if you wish it, my dear, - Love without scandal, pleasure without fear. -Elmire. I have heard your words, and your rhetoric - Leaves your point clear--though you lay it on thick. - Aren't you afraid that I could be in the mood - To tell my husband of your solicitude, - And that a sudden knowledge of that sort - Might set back your hopes of his lasting support? -Tartuffe. I know that you are only too gracious - And that you will forgive my audacious - Deeds since they spring from a human failing - In that passionate love that you are bewailing, - And that you will reflect when you view things afresh - That I am not blind, and a man's only flesh. -Elmire. Others might take things differently, I suppose, - But discretion prevails, and I won't expose - This matter to my spouse. In return, it's true, - I do want one little favor from you: - To push forward without any sly snare - The wedding of Mariane and Valere, - To renounce on your own the unjust power - That would enrich you with another's dower, - And . . . - -SCENE IV -Elmire, Damis, Tartuffe - -Damis [coming out of the closet in which he was hiding]. No, madam, no. All this must be exposed. - By hiding here I've heard all he proposed, - And God in His goodness has guided me - To confound this noisome bastard's treachery, - To discover a way to take my vengeance - For his hypocrisy and insolence, - To wake up my father, and to justly screw - This scumbag who wants to make love to you. -Elmire. No, Damis. It's enough if he has striven - To reform and merit the pardon I've given. - Don't make me retract what I have avowed. - I don't choose to discuss scandal out loud: - A woman laughs at these masculine foibles, - And never plagues her mate with paltry troubles. -Damis. You have your own reasons for acting so, - And I have reasons for my quid-pro-quo. - The very thought of sparing him is a joke, - And the insolent pride of this base bloke - Has triumphed too often over my just wrath, - And has sown too much trouble along my path. - For too long that liar has ruled my old man - Blocking both my love and that of Mariane. - His perfidy must be brought to light of day, - And for that God gives us a ready way. - For this occasion I thank the good Lord; - It is far too lucky to be ignored. - The only way to deserve to lose it - Is to have it in hand and not to use it. -Elmire. But Damis . . . -Damis. No, please, my mind is made up. - It is time to rejoice and fill up the cup, - And you're trying in vain to obligate me - To give up the pleasure of my victory. - I'm going to expose this affair without delay; - This is just the thing that will make my day. - -SCENE V -Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe, Elmire - -Damis. Father, it may surprise . . . and amuse you greatly . . . - To hear the news of what's gone on lately. - You're being well paid for all your caresses - By your friend's response to those tendernesses. - His great love for you has shown its hold - Through his eagerness to make you a cuckold. - And I heard him here confess to your bride - A love that has made him heart-sick and dove-eyed. - At all costs she wants to remain discreet - And preserve his secret--because she's sweet-- - But I cannot bear the man's impudence - And think that my silence would cause you offense. -Elmire. Yes, I would never disturb my husband's rest - By reporting the words of silly pest. - My honor does not depend on such a thing - Since I'm well able to resist flattering. - You wouldn't have spoken out against my view - If I had any power over you. - -SCENE VI -Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe - -Orgon. What do I hear? Good God! Is it credible? -Tartuffe. Yes, brother, I'm wicked and culpable, - A sorry sinner, full of iniquity, - As great a wretch as there ever could be. - My entire life has been soiled with evil; - It's nothing but a mass of sinful upheaval. - And I see that God has, for my punishment, - Chosen to mortify me with this event. - Let them connect any crime with my name; - I waive all defense and take all the blame. - Believe what they tell you, stoke up your wrath, - And drive me like a felon from your path. - The shame that I bear cannot be too great, - For I know I deserve a much worse fate. -Orgon [to his son]. Traitor! Do you dare, by your duplicity, - To taint both his virtue and purity? -Damis. What? Can the false meekness of this hypocrite - Cause you to belie . . . -Orgon. Shut up, you misfit. -Tartuffe. Oh, let him go on. You are wrong to scold, - And you'd be wise to believe the story he's told. - In light of his claims, why should you favor me? - What do you know of my culpability? - Why put your faith in my exterior? - Why should you think that I'm superior? - No, no, appearances are fooling you, - I am the kind of man you should eschew. - The whole world thinks that I have earned God's blessing, - But the plain truth is . . . that I'm worth nothing. -[Addressing Damis] - Yes, my dear son, speak. And don't merely chide. - Accuse me of treason, theft, and homicide. - Call me every foul name you can recall. - I deny nothing. I merit it all. - And I beg on my knees to bear this chagrin - As the shameful result of my life of sin. -Orgon [To Tartuffe]. That's too much, brother. [To his son] Why can't you let go, - Scoundrel? -Damis. What! Have his words seduced you so . . . -Orgon Keep quiet, you bum! [To Tartuffe]. Brother, please arise. - [To his son]. Shame! -Damis. He can . . . -Orgon. Silence! -Damis. Damn! Do you surmise . . . -Orgon. If you say one word, I will break your arm. -Tartuffe. In the name of God, brother, do no harm. - I would rather face a ravening beast - Than that your dear son should be harmed in the least. -Orgon [to his son]. Ingrate! -Tartuffe. Leave him in peace. On my two knees - I beg you to give him your grace . . . -Orgon [throwing himself to his knees and embracing Tartuffe]. Don't! Please! - [To his son] Wretch, see his goodness. -Damis. Then . . . -Orgon. Shhh! -Damis. I . . . -Orgon. Cease, I say. - I'm aware of your motive in this foray: - You all hate him, and now I see how my wife, - Children, and maid conspire against his life. - You impudently try every trick you can - To alienate me from this holy man, - But the harder you try to drive him away, - The harder I'll try to get him to stay. - And I'll hasten his marriage to Mariane - To demolish the pride of this whole clan. -Damis. So you will force her to marry this fellow? -Orgon. Yes, this very night, to see you bellow. - I defy you all, and stand here to say - I am the master and you must obey. - Come now. Retract your words, oh foul pollution! - Throw yourself down and demand absolution. -Damis. Who, me? Of that villain, by whose pretense . . . -Orgon. So you refuse, you scum, and your impertinence - Persists? [To Tartuffe] A stick! A staff! Don't hold me back. - [To his son] Get out of my house and don't even pack, - And never again let me see your face. -Damis. Yes, I will go, but . . . -Orgon. Quickly! Leave this place. - I am cutting you off and what is worse - I am leaving you with my heart-felt curse. - -SCENE VII -Orgon, Tartuffe - -Orgon. To offend in that way a saintly man! -Tartuffe. Heavenly Lord pardon him if you can. - [To Orgon.] If you only knew with what pain - I see them trying to blacken my name. . . . -Orgon. Alas! -Tartuffe. The mere thought of this ingratitude - Makes me suffer from a torture so crude . . . - The horror I feel . . . My soul longs to cry . . . - I can't even speak, and I'm sure I will die. -Orgon [He runs weeping to the door through which he had chased his son.] Villain! How I regret that I held my hand - And that I did not crush you where you stand. - [To Tartuffe.] Calm yourself, brother and try not to fret. -Tartuffe. Let's stop these squabbles that end in regret. - The great friction I have caused makes me grieve, - And I believe, brother, that I should leave. -Orgon. What? Surely you jest? -Tartuffe. They hate me and I see - That they want you to doubt my integrity. -Orgon. Who cares! Do you think I'll listen to them? -Tartuffe. No doubt they'll continue their stratagem; - And the same tales that you reject today - You may find credible some other day. -Orgon. No, brother, never. -Tartuffe. Ah, brother, a man's mate - Can easily make her spouse speculate. -Orgon. No, no. -Tartuffe. Let me leave here at once and so - Escape the threat of another low blow. -Orgon. No, please remain. I can't live without you. -Tartuffe. Well! I suppose I will suffer if I do. - Still, if you wish . . . -Orgon. Oh! -Tartuffe. All right! It's a pact. - But in future I know how I must act. - Honor is tender, and friendship engages - Me to prevent gossip--however outrageous. - I'll avoid your wife and you will not see me . . . -Orgon. No, in spite of everyone, you and she - Must often meet. I love to make a stir, - So day and night let them see you with her. - No, that's not enough, but this will make them stew: - I don't want to have any heir but you, - And I'm going to legally designate - You as the owner of my whole estate. - A frank and true friend, whom I take as my son, - Is dearer to me than my wife or children. - Will you accept the offer I am making? -Tartuffe. May God's will be done in this undertaking! -Orgon. Poor man! Let's quickly put it all in writing, - And let their envy choke on its own spiting. - - -ACT IV -SCENE I -Cleante, Tartuffe - -Cleante. Yes, the whole town is talking about it, - And they don't think it does you much credit. - And I've sought you out, sir, just for the sake - Of telling you bluntly what I think's at stake. - I'm not going to dredge up the whole dispute; - The fact is Damis is in disrepute. - Supposing that he did act like a fool - And that you are unfairly being called cruel, - Shouldn't a Christian pardon the offense - And purge his soul of desire for vengeance? - And should you permit him, for this one goof, - To be driven away from his father's roof? - I'll tell you again, and I'll be bold: - You are scandalizing both young and old. - If you take my advice, you will seek a truce - And not be a party to this boy's abuse. - Make an offering to God of your acrimony, - And restore the son to his patrimony. -Tartuffe. Alas! As for myself, I seek that solace: - I do not have for him the slightest malice; - I wholly forgive him of any blame, - And long to restore him to his good name. - But in the service of God I can't permit - It, for if he remains I shall have to quit - This house. No prior offense holds a candle - To his. Our meeting would cause a huge scandal. - Lord only knows what people would assume! - They would impute it to cunning, I presume, - And say that my guilt has made me pretend - To excuse him of any intent to offend, - And that I fear him and wish to placate him - As a crafty move in my plan to checkmate him. -Cleante. I think you are making up excuses, - And your arguments, monsieur, seem like ruses. - Must you assume the role of the Deity? - Does He need us to punish the guilty? - Leave it to Him to take care of vengeance; - He bids us to forgive every offense - And not to consider human judgments - When we follow God's sovereign commandments. - What? Should the petty fear of what some may say - Prevent you from doing this good deed today? - No, let us always follow God's commands, - And leave all other matters in His hands. -Tartuffe. I've told you already that I forgive - Him, and that, sir, is God's directive. - But after such scandal and vituperation - God doesn't demand our cohabitation. -Cleante. And does He demand that you lend your hand - To the pure caprice of the father's command, - And accept the gift of his whole estate - Which you cannot justly appropriate? -Tartuffe. Those who know me will not believe that I'd - Do anything selfish or unjustified. - I hold worldly goods in quite low esteem. - I can't be dazzled by their phony gleam. - And if in the end I decide to take - The gift that the father wishes to make, - It is only, I swear, because I fear - That it could be left to a false profiteer, - Or that it could be shared by those who would - Use it to do evil rather than good, - And who would not use it, as I'm sure I can, - For the glory of God and one's fellow man. -Cleante. Oh, sir! Don't put on that scrupulous air - While your actions injure a rightful heir. - Don't feel uneasy or risk your good health - By fretting about the perils of his wealth. - It is better spent on a young man's whim - Than that you be accused of defrauding him. - I only wonder why you aren't ashamed - By this proposal in which you are named. - In true religion is there some dictum - That says it's okay to make an heir your victim? - And if God has put some obstacle in place - Against you and Damis sharing the same space, - Wouldn't you prefer to be more discrete - And leave this house in a noble retreat - Than to sit and see the son of the house - Thrust from his home like a beggarly louse. - Believe me, it would prove your probity, - Monsieur, . . . -Tartuffe. It is now, Monsieur, half past three: - Certain religious rites demand my presence, - And you must excuse me for my absence. [He leaves.] -Cleante. Ah! - -SCENE II -Elmire, Mariane, Dorine, Cleante - -Dorine [to Cleante]. Please, sir, help us help her, for pity's sake. - Her suffering is such that her heart may break, - And the pact her father made this evening - Is the cause of all this awful grieving. - Here he comes. Let's join forces, I beg you, - And try through skill or cunning to undo - The vicious scheme that's left us all so troubled. - -Scene 3 -Orgon, Elmire, Mariane, Cleante, Dorine - -Orgon. Ah! I'm pleased to see you all assembled. - [To Mariane] This contract here should make you very gay; - I'm sure you know what I'm about to say. -Mariane [kneeling]. In the name of God, who knows how I hurt, - And of everything which might move your heart, - Forgo, for now, the rights of paternity - And release me from my vow of docility. - Do not reduce me by some brutal rule - To asking God why you've grown so cruel. - And this life, alas, that you gave to me-- - Do not make it a life of misery. - If, contrary to all my sweet hopes of - Joy, you forbid me to wed the man I love, - Hear me at least--on my knees I implore - You not to give me to a man I abhor, - And don't push me past the point of despair - By using your full force in this affair. -Orgon [to himself, sensing himself weakening]. Be firm. This is no time for humanity! -Mariane. Your fondness for him doesn't bother me. - Indulge it, and if it's not enough to consign - Your whole estate to him--then give him mine! - I freely consent and will sign on demand, - But please, please, do not offer him my hand, - And allow me to live in a convent where I - May count the sad days till God lets me die. -Orgon. Young girls always play such religious pranks - When their fathers hobble their lusty flanks! - Get up! The harder you have to work to bear it, - The greater the virtue and the merit. - Let this marriage mortify your senses - And quit bothering me with your meek defenses. -Dorine. But . . . -Orgon. Keep quiet, and stay out of this matter. - I completely forbid you to add to the chatter. -Cleante. If you will allow me to offer some advice . . . -Orgon. Brother, your advice is worth any price: - It is thoughtful and I truly respect it, - But I hope you don't mind if I reject it. -Elmire [to her husband]. What can I think about what you're saying - Except that your blindness is quite dismaying! - You must be besotted and led astray - To refuse to believe what has happened today. -Orgon. My dear, I only call 'em as I see 'em. - You favor my son, that worthless young bum, - And I think that you are afraid to condemn - His dirty trick on this most saintly of men. - You are, in fact, too calm to be believed; - You ought to have seemed a bit more aggrieved. -Elmire. When a love-sick man makes a foolish mistake - Must we take up arms as if honor's at stake? - And should we always respond to small slips - With fire in our eyes and abuse on our lips? - For myself, I laugh at these signs of lust; - It doesn't please me at all to grow nonplussed. - I seek wisdom tempered with charity, - And I'm not one of those prudes whose asperity - Is such that they fight for virtue tooth and nail, - And scratch a man's eyes out for being male. - Heaven preserve me from that kind of virtue! - I am an honest wife, but not a shrew, - And I believe that a calm, icy glance - Is quite enough to rebuff an advance. -Orgon. I know what I know and I won't change my mind. -Elmire. I'm again amazed that you could be so blind. - But would you keep that incredulity - If I made you see that we have spoken truly? -Orgon. See? -Elmire. Yes. -Orgon. Fantasy! -Elmire. But if I found a way - To make you see it all in light of day? -Orgon. Fairy tales! -Elmire. What a man! At least reply. - I don't ask you to believe me, but I - Do wonder what you will say of your good man - If I bring you to a place where you can - Clearly see and hear these things? What then? -Orgon. In that case I would say . . . nothing again, - For it cannot be. -Elmire. You've been blind too long, - And in calling me a liar, you're wrong! - So for your pleasure, but with modesty, - I'll make you witness my veracity. -Orgon. Good. I take you at your word. Now let's see - How in the world you will prove this to me. -Elmire [to Dorine]. Bid him come to me. -Dorine [to Elmire]. He's a crafty one - And perhaps he won't easily be undone. -Elmire [to Dorine]. No, we're easily duped by our affection, - And vanity aids in our misdirection. - [Speaking to Cleante and Mariane] Send him down here to me. And you can go. - -SCENE IV -Elmire, Orgon - -Elmire. Bring the table here, and then crouch down low. -Orgon. Why? -Elmire. Hiding you well is to be desired. -Orgon. Why under the table? -Elmire. Just do what's required! - I've made my plans and we'll see how they fare! - Get under the table, and when you're down there, - Don't let him see you and try not to grunt. -Orgon. I really think I'm far too tolerant, - But I'll stay through the end of your stratagem. -Elmire. You won't, I'm sure, have a thing to condemn. - [To her husband, who is now under the table.] - Mind you, I'm going to have strange things to say - And you must not be shocked in any way. - Whatever I may say, you must allow; - I only wish to convince you, anyhow. - I'm going to use sex, since I'm reduced to it, - To strip off the cloak of this hypocrite; - I'll stoke up the fires of his insolent heart - And give a free field to this base upstart. - For your sake and to deepen his disrepute - I'm going to pretend to welcome his suit. - I'll quit just as soon as you've heard enough. - Things needn't go farther than you wish, my love. - And you must stop them from becoming bizarre - When you think his mad love has gone too far. - Spare your wife and don't leave me in his hands - Longer than reaching your conviction demands. - This is your concern and you are in command. - Here he comes. Keep still! Keep down! Understand? - -SCENE V -Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon (under the table) - -Tartuffe. You wish to speak with me in here, I'm told. -Elmire. Yes. I now have some secrets to unfold, - But shut the door before I say a word - And look around--we mustn't be overheard. - [Tartuffe closes the door and returns.] - I don't want another fracas to ensue - Like the one that overtook us hitherto. - Never before have I been so dismayed! - Damis startled me and made me afraid - For you. You must have seen that I did my best - To disrupt his plan and soothe his unrest. - It is true that I was so filled with shame - That I never thought of denying his claim, - But by the grace of God, I'm nearly sure - All is for the best and we're now more secure. - The prestige of your name has dispelled the storm, - And my husband will never suspect you of harm. - Defying those with rumors to foment, - He wants us together at every moment. - And that is why without blame I can - Be alone with you although you're a man, - And that allows me to open my heart - Willingly to the sweet thoughts you impart. -Tartuffe. I find it odd that you have kind words to say; - Earlier you treated me in a different way. -Elmire. Ah! If you're angry about that rebuff, - You know nothing about a woman's love! - And how little you know about our intent - If you think a weak defense is really meant! - At such times our modesty must contend - With the tender feelings that triumph in the end. - No matter how strongly you make love's claim, - In embracing it we always feel some shame. - We resist at first, but in our faces - It's clear that we'll soon yield to your embraces. - Our words and our wishes are often opposed: - A refusal may mean we accept what's proposed. - No doubt I am making too free a confession - And I may be committing an indiscretion, - But since my attempt at silence has gone awry, - Ask yourself why I sought to pacify - Damis, and what made me listen so long - And so kindly to your sweet love song? - Would I have reacted as you saw me do - If the offer of your heart didn't please me too? - And what should you be able to conclude - From my fervent desire to preclude - The marriage that has been announced just now? - Isn't it that I'd hate for a wedding vow - To come between us, and that I care for you - And want nothing at all to split us in two? -Tartuffe. There is no pleasure in Heaven above - Sweeter than such words from the lips I love; - Their honeyed sound flows richly through my senses - With the sweetness of the purest essences. - The pleasure of pleasing you is my one goal, - And my heart finds happiness in that role, - But that heart also takes the slight liberty - Of daring to doubt this felicity. - Perhaps these sweet words are a decorous ruse - Designed to disrupt my hymeneal news; - And, if I may speak quite freely with you, - I won't believe that all you say is true - Until I'm assured that you couldn't lie - By a few of those favors for which I sigh. - Such favors would make me your devotee - And a true believer in your fondness for me. -Elmire [she coughs to warn her husband]. Do you demand to push on with such great speed, - And drain my heart dry by your burning need? - I risk my life in proclaiming my love, - And for you even that is not enough! - Can't you be satisfied with what I say? - Must you force me into going all the way? -Tartuffe. The less one merits, the more one desires. - Mere words will never quench our raging fires. - A promised gift is often suspected; - We rarely believe it, until we inspect it. - I, who so little merit your favors, - Doubt the happy outcome of my labors. - And I will not believe a thing, my dear, - Until you ease my pain to prove you're sincere. -Elmire. Good God, your love is too oppressive; - It troubles my soul and becomes obsessive! - What a crazy power it has on the heart! - With what fierce passion it tears me apart! - What! Is there no way to stave off your desire? - Won't you give me a moment to respire? - Do you think it is fair to be so firm, - To demand everything and watch me squirm, - To take what you want, pushing and pressing, - And abusing my weakness in acquiescing? -Tartuffe. If you look on me with a kindly heart, - Then prove how you feel by playing your part. -Elmire. But how can I give you the things you seek - Without offending that God of whom you speak? -Tartuffe. If it's only God that opposes my desire, - I'll think up a way to make him conspire, - And that need not restrain your heart, my dear. -Elmire. But the decrees of God scare me to tears. -Tartuffe. I can dispel your foolish fears, madame, - For I know the art of quashing each qualm. - Though God forbids certain gratifications, - With him one can reach one's accommodations. - It is a science to stretch out the strings - Of conscience in the service of diverse things - And to rectify an evil action - With the purity of our intention. - Regarding these secrets, I shall instruct you; - You need only allow me to conduct you. - Satisfy my desire and have no fear; - I'll assume the sin and leave your soul clear. - [Elmire coughs more loudly.] - That's quite a cough, madame. -Elmire. Yes, it's a torment. -Tartuffe [offering Elmire a piece of candy]. Would it help to have a licorice or mint? -Elmire. It's an obstinate illness, and I see - That all the mints in the world won't help me -Tartuffe. It's certainly troublesome. -Elmire. That's for sure! -Tartuffe. Your scruples at least are easy to cure: - You can be sure that I will keep things quiet-- - A deed is evil only if men spy it. - The noise of scandal is the source of offense; - There is no sin if one sins in silence. -Elmire [after having coughed and knocked on the table]. At last I see I'm forced to go astray, - And I must consent to let you have your way, - And that I cannot hope that short of the deed - You will be content and willing to concede. - It is very hard to be forced to do it, - And in spite of myself to stoop down to it; - But since you persist in making me obey, - Since you refuse to believe what I say, - And since you demand more convincing proof, - I'll have to give in and quit acting aloof. - If this action causes anyone grief, - The blame be on him who refused all relief. - The fault most certainly is none of mine. -Tartuffe. Yes, madame, I agree and that is fine . . . -Elmire. Peek out of the door and see, I beg you, - If my spouse is spying on our rendezvous. -Tartuffe. Why do you care what he sees or where he goes? - He's a man who loves to be led by the nose. - Our trysts are something he's proud of achieving, - And he'd watch us go to it without believing. -Elmire. No matter. Please, go have a look outside; - I'd hate to think he's found some place to hide. - -SCENE VI -Orgon, Elmire - - Orgon [coming out from under the table]. There, I swear, is an abominable man! - I can't get over it. What is his plan? -Elmire. How now? Come out so soon? Were you having fun? - Get back down there. We've only just begun. - Wait till the end to be completely sure, - And don't put your faith in mere conjecture. -Orgon. No man more evil has been spawned in Hell. -Elmire. Dear Lord! Don't believe the lies people tell. - Be wholly convinced before you concede: - Cautious men shun the slips that come with speed. - [She pushes her husband behind her.] - -SCENE VII -Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon - -Tartuffe [without seeing Orgon]. All things conspire, madame, for my contentment: - I've closely examined the whole apartment; - No one is around, and my heart's delight. . . - [Just as Tartuffe comes forward with open arms to embrace Elmire, she steps back and Tartuffe sees Orgon.] -Orgon [stopping him]. Hold on! Your desires are too quick to ignite, - And you mustn't let passion be overdone. - Oh! Man of blessings, you wished to give me one! - How temptation has taken over your life! - You'd marry my daughter, and covet my wife! - I've doubted your word for quite a long while, - And I've always believed you'd change your style; - But this is enough to give me my proof: - I am fed up and want no more, Tartuffe. -Elmire [to Tartuffe]. It was against my will to act this way, - But I was forced into the part I play. -Tartuffe [to Orgon]. What? You think . . . -Orgon. Come, please, let's have no to-do. - Get out of my home without more ado. -Tartuffe. My intent . . . -Orgon. This is no time for sly repartee; - You must leave my house immediately. -Tartuffe. You must leave, you who speak as the master: - The house is mine, and you'd better learn fast or - I will show you that it's senseless to pick - A fight with me using this cowardly trick, - That it will get you nowhere to insult me, - And that I will punish your falsity, - Avenge God's wounds, and make you grieve - For talking here about forcing me to leave. - -SCENE VIII -Elmire, Orgon - -Elmire. What is he saying and what is he after? -Orgon. I'm ashamed to say this is no time for laughter. -Elmire. Why? -Orgon. I see my error by what he said; - I gave him my lands. Something's wrong with my head! -Elmire. You gave him . . . -Orgon. Yes and they can't be restored, - But there's something else that troubles me more. -Elmire. What is that? -Orgon. I'll tell you soon, but first there's - A certain box I want to find upstairs. - -ACT V -SCENE I -Orgon, Cleante - -Cleante. Where are you rushing? -Orgon. Who knows? -Cleante. It might make sense - To begin by having a conference - About everything that has happened lately. -Orgon. That box of papers troubles me greatly; - More than all the rest, it's cause for distress. -Cleante. Why are those papers important to possess? -Orgon. My unfortunate friend Argus, when he - Put them into my hands, swore me to secrecy. - He chose to rely on me as he fled, - And these papers, according to what he said, - Are crucial to both his life and his wealth. -Cleante. Then why didn't you keep them to yourself? -Orgon. It was a matter of conscience, you see, - So I consulted Tartuffe in secrecy, - And his arguments came to persuade me - That he should keep the box for security, - So I could deny having it on hand. - And thus I'd have a subterfuge on demand - With which my conscience might muddle through - In swearing to things that I knew weren't true. -Cleante. You're in trouble, judging by appearances; - Both the deed of gift and these confidences - Are, to tell you my thoughts quite honestly, - Measures that you took very thoughtlessly. - They might put you in jail with such evidence, - And since that man has it, it makes no sense - To drive him away through your imprudence, - You need to regain his full confidence. -Orgon. With what a fair appearance and touching zeal - He hides a wicked soul and a heart of steel! - And I, who received him begging and broke . . . - That's it, I renounce all such pious folk. - Henceforth, I will hold them as wholly evil - And do my best to send them to the devil. -Cleante. It's just like you to get carried away! - You can never stick to the middle way. - To reason rightly is too much bother; - You always rush from one excess to another. - You can see your error and now you know - That by a false zeal you were brought low. - But to redeem yourself does logic demand - That you embrace an error that's even more grand? - And must you confuse the heart of a shill - With the hearts of all the men of good will? - Because a rascal had the luck or grace - To dupe you with his austere and shining face, - Must you believe everyone acts that way - And no true church-man can be found today? - Leave to libertines these foolish deductions. - Seek true virtue, not a false deconstruction. - Never rush into hasty admiration, - And strive instead for moderation. - If possible, don't admire false pretense, - But also don't give true zeal cause for offense, - And if you must fall to one extreme, - Err in being too free with your esteem. - -SCENE II -Damis, Orgon, Cleante - -Damis. Father, is it true that this cad threatens you, - That he has forgotten the gifts that bound you two, - And that his shameful pride, maddeningly, - Has repaid your kindness with tyranny? -Orgon. Yes, son; he's brought me to the verge of tears. -Damis. Leave him to me. I'll cut off his ears. - You must not flinch before his insolence - For I'll soon restore your independence, - And, to end the matter, I'll slice him like toast. -Cleante. That's exactly like a bratty boy's boast. - Please make your angry words more moderate. - We live during a time and in a state - Where violent acts are clearly unlawful. - -SCENE III -Madame Pernelle, Mariane, Elmire, Dorine, Damis, Orgon, Cleante - -Madame Pernelle. What's happening? The tales I'm told are awful. -Orgon. Novel things have been happening to me, - And for all my kindness, this is my fee. - I lift the man out of his misery; - Like a brother, I take him home with me; - Each day I treat him with greater largesse; - I give him my daughter and all I possess; - And at the same time the lying low-life - Looks for the best way to seduce my wife, - And, not fully content with what he's achieved, - He threatens me with the gifts he's received, - And he wishes to use, in ruining me, - Those profits he gained from my foolish bounty - To drive me from the home that I gave to him - And reduce me to the state that he was in. -Dorine. Poor man! -Madame Pernelle. Son, I don't believe he'd allow - Himself to take part in actions so foul. -Orgon. How's that? -Madame Pernelle. People always resent holy men. -Orgon. Mother, what were you trying to say just then? -Madame Pernelle. That in your home one sees the strangest things; - Among them is the hate that envy brings. -Orgon. How is it hate when I've told you the truth? -Madame Pernelle. I warned you often when you were a youth: - In this world virtue is oppressed forever; - The envious may die, but envy never. -Orgon. But what does this have to do with today? -Madame Pernelle. People are telling you lies and hearsay. -Orgon. I've already said that I myself saw it. -Madame Pernelle. The malice of gossips is infinite. -Orgon. You'll make me damn myself, Mother. I tell you - I saw with my eyes just what he would do. -Madame Pernelle. Some tongues always have some poison to spit, - And nothing on earth is safe against it. -Orgon. I do not know what these words of yours mean. - I've seen it, I say, seen, with these eyes seen-- - Do you know the word, seen? Must I shout it - In your ears a hundred times and still you doubt it? -Madame Pernelle. Dear Lord! Appearances may be deceiving: - You shouldn't judge based on what you're perceiving. -Orgon. I'll go mad! -Madame Pernelle. People are prone to suspicion; - Misjudgment is part of the human condition. -Orgon. So I must interpret charitably - His desire to cuckold me? -Madame Pernelle. Don't you see - That to accuse a man you need just cause, - And until you're quite sure, you ought to pause. -Orgon. To be more certain, what would you advise? - Should I have waited until before my eyes - He had . . . You'll make me say something quite lewd. -Madame Pernelle. I'm sure that a holy zeal has imbued - His soul, and I can't begin to believe - That he would be willing to cheat or deceive. -Orgon. Leave me . . . I'm now so angry that if you - Were not my mother, I'm not sure what I'd do. -Dorine [to Orgon]. This is fair payment, sir, for what we received. - You wouldn't believe us; now you're not believed. -Cleante. We are wasting time on foolish pleasures - That would be better spent in active measures. - We should not ignore this swindler's threats. -Damis. What! Does his boldness have no boundaries yet? -Elmire. For myself, I don't believe it's possible; - His ingratitude would be too visible. -Cleante [to Orgon]. Don't put your faith in that. He will find ways - To gild with reason all the things he says; - And with less than this the people in power - Have forced their foes to cringe and cower. - I tell you again: well-armed as they are, - You should never have pushed him quite so far. -Orgon. True, but what could I do? Facing that bastard, - I felt resentment that I never mastered. -Cleante. I deeply desire to arrange between you - Some shadow of peace, however untrue. -Elmire. If I had known that he possessed such arms, - I would never have set off these alarms, - And my . . . -Orgon [to Dorine, seeing Monsieur Loyal enter]. What does this man want? Go and see. - I don't wish to have anyone meet with me! - -SCENE IV -Monsieur Loyal, Madame Pernelle, Orgon, Damis, Mariane, Dorine, Elmire, Cleante - -Monsieur Loyal [to Dorine]. Hello, my dear sister. Could you please see - If your master is in? -Dorine. He has company, - And I doubt he'll be able to see you now. -Monsieur Loyal. I have not come here to cause a row. - I don't think that my presence will displease - Him; I come, in fact, to put him at ease. -Dorine. Your name? -Monsieur Loyal. Tell him only that I've come here - For Monsieur Tartuffe, and to give him cheer. -Dorine [to Orgon]. It's a man who has come quite civilly, - On behalf of Monsieur Tartuffe, to see, - He says, to your pleasure. -Cleante [to Orgon]. You'd best find out - Who he is and what he has come here about. -Orgon [to Cleante]. Perhaps he has come here to reconcile us. - How should I act and what should we discuss? -Cleante. Don't let any of your anger appear, - And if he speaks of a deal, make him be clear. -Monsieur Loyal [to Orgon]. Greetings, sir. May God destroy all your foes - And favor you as much as I propose! -Orgon [aside to Cleante]. This civil start meets my approbation - And foreshadows some accommodation. -Monsieur Loyal. At one time I was your father's employee, - And this whole house is very dear to me. -Orgon. I ask your pardon, sir, but to my shame - I'm totally ignorant of your name. -Monsieur Loyal. My name is Loyal. I come from Normandy. - I'm the bailiff here, in spite of envy. - For the last forty years, thanks be to God, - I've done my duty and retained by job. - And I've come to you, with your permission, - To serve this notice of your eviction. -Orgon. What! You're here . . . -Monsieur Loyal. Let's have no irritation. - This is nothing more than notification, - An order to evict both you and yours, - Put your furniture out and lock the doors, - Without pardon or delay to fulfill . . . -Orgon. Me! Leave this place? -Monsieur Loyal. Yes, monsieur, if you will. - This house now belongs, I have ample proof, - To your very good friend, Monsieur Tartuffe. - He is master and lord of all your wealth - By virtue of a deed he showed me himself. - It is in due form and cannot be doubted. -Damis [to Monsieur Loyal]. What impudence! I'm amazed about it. -Monsieur Loyal [to Damis]. You and I, sir, have no business and you'd - Best leave things to this man [pointing to Orgon], who's civil and shrewd, - And knows too well the duties of my office - To wish to oppose himself to justice. -Orgon. But . . . -Monsieur Loyal [to Orgon]. I know that not even a million - Dollars would make you cause a rebellion, - And that you will be an honest citizen - And let me fulfill the orders I'm given. -Damis. You may soon feel upon your black soutane, - Monsieur Bailiff, the heavy weight of this cane. -Monsieur Loyal [to Orgon]. Command your son to be quiet or depart, - Monsieur; I would regret to have to report - All this and make these matters more official. -Damis [aside]. This Monsieur Loyal seems quite disloyal! -Monsieur Loyal. For all worthy men there's a place in my heart, - And I would not have wished, sir, to take part - In this, except to lift some of your burden, - By preventing the chore from falling to one - Who might not share my opinion of you - And who wouldn't proceed as gently as I do. -Orgon. And what could be worse than the evil crime - Of evicting me? -Monsieur Loyal. I'm giving you time, - And until morning I'll hold in abeyance - The execution of this conveyance. - I shall only come here with ten of my boys - To spend the night, without scandal or noise. - For the sake of form please bring to me, before - You go up to bed, the keys to your door. - I'll take care not to disrupt your repose - And not to do anything you would oppose. - But tomorrow morning you must get set - To empty the house, down to the last brochette. - My boys will assist you. Each one's a strong lout - And will do all he can to help move you out. - I'm doing my best to use common sense, - And, since I'm treating you with such indulgence, - I beg you, sir, to act the same way to me. - Let no one bar me from doing my duty. -Orgon [aside]. With a happy heart I would at once pay - The last hundred francs that are mine today - For the power and pleasure of hitting his snout - With one absolutely sensational clout. -Cleante [quietly, to Orgon]. Go easy, don't make things worse. -Damis. My hand itches - To get in a fight with these sons of bitches. -Dorine. Monsieur Loyal, I think it might become you - To have your broad back beaten black and blue. -Monsieur Loyal. These wicked words deserve condemnation, - And women, too, may earn incarceration. -Cleante [to Monsieur Loyal]. Let's end it now; that's enough for today. - Hand over the paper, and be on your way. -Monsieur Loyal. Until later, then. Heaven keep you in joy! -Orgon. May it confound you, and your employer! - -SCENE V -Orgon, Cleante, Mariane, Elmire, Madame Pernelle, Dorine, Damis - -Orgon. There! You now see, mother, that I was right, - And you can judge of the rest by this writ. - Do you admit at last that he can lie? -Madame Pernelle. It's as if a bolt has struck from the sky. -Dorine [to Orgon]. You're wrong to complain, and wrong to blame him. - These things show the grand plans of your seraphim. - His neighborly love finds consummation - In proving that wealth causes degradation, - And from pure charity he wants to remove - Every obstacle between you and God's love. -Orgon. Shut up. . . . I'm always saying that to you. -Cleante [to Orgon]. Let us consider what we ought to do. -Elmire. We must expose this man's insolent acts. - His deeds invalidate all the contracts. - And his disloyalty will seem too plain - If he tries to use them for personal gain. - -SCENE VI -Valere, Orgon, Cleante, Elmire, Mariane, Madame Pernelle, Damis, Dorine - -Valere. I'm sorry, sir, that I've come to distress you; - But certain dangers may soon oppress you. - A friend, whose love for me is deep and true - And who knows how much I care about you, - Has had enough courage to violate - The secrecy of affairs of state - And has just now sent me word that you might - Be well-advised to take sudden flight. - The villain who has been imposing on you - Has gone to the Prince to accuse you too, - And put into his hands, like a blade of hate, - The vital papers of a traitor of State, - Which he says that you've kept in secrecy - Despite the duties of aristocracy. - I don't know the details of the alleged crime, - But a warrant against you has been signed, - And he himself is assigned to assist - Those who will soon come to make the arrest. -Cleante. Now his claims are well-armed; and the ingrate - Seeks to become master of your estate. -Orgon. I swear, that man is a vile animal! -Valere. The slightest trifling could well be fatal. - My coach is right here to take you away - With a thousand louis that I've pledged to pay. - Don't lose any time; the arrow has sped, - And this is one blow that ought to be fled. - I myself will guide you to a safe place - And will stay with you to be sure there's no chase. -Orgon. I owe you much for your solicitude! - But there isn't time for my gratitude, - And I pray to God to grant what I need - So that one day I may repay this good deed. - Farewell. The rest of you take care . . . -Cleante. Go on. - We'll look after everything when you're gone. - -Final Scene -Police Officer, Tartuffe, Valere, Orgon, Elmire, Mariane, Madame Pernelle, Cleante, Damis, Dorine - -Tartuffe [stopping Orgon]. Slowly, slowly, sir. You needn't run there. - You won't have to go far to hide in your lair. - In the Prince's name we will shackle you fast. -Orgon. Traitor, you've kept this final shaft for last. - This is the blow with which you dispatch me, - And this is what crowns all your perfidy. -Tartuffe. Your scorn causes me scant irritation; - I bear it as a holy obligation. -Cleante. This is scant sign of your moderation. -Damis. How impudently the wretch mocks veneration! -Tartuffe. None of your outbursts mean a thing to me, - For I think of nothing but doing my duty. -Mariane. Your pretense to honor is all a fake, - And this is just the right job for you to take. -Tartuffe. The task can only shower me with grace - Since our Prince's command has sent me to this place. -Orgon. But don't you recall how my charity - Raised you, you ingrate, from your misery? -Tartuffe. Yes, I know that I once received assistance, - But my duty to the Prince demands this persistence: - 'Tis a sacred duty of such fortitude - That it has suppressed all my gratitude, - And I would sacrifice to this powerful force - Friends, wife, parents, and myself, of course. -Elmire. The hypocrite! -Dorine. How well he can create - A treacherous cloak from all we venerate! -Cleante. But if this zeal which drives you and with which - You plume yourself lifts you to a holy niche, - Why is it that it didn't come to life - Until after he caught you with his wife, - And why did you only denounce him today - After honor made him chase you away? - I don't claim that the gift of all his estates - Ought to distract you from duty's dictates, - But if you planned to reveal his treason here, - Why were you willing to take his wealth back there? -Tartuffe [to the Officer]. From all this noise, sir, please deliver me, - And be so kind as to enforce your decree. -Police Officer. Yes, I've been rather slow to issue it. - Your own mouth aptly invites me to do it; - And so it will be done if you will come - Straight to the jail that will be your new home. -Tartuffe. Who? Me, sir? -Police Officer. Yes, you. -Tartuffe. But why to prison? -Police Office. I need not explain to you my reason. - [To Orgon.] Calm yourself, sir, after passions of such heat. - We're ruled by a Prince who's a foe to deceit, - A Prince whose eyes can read what the soul has writ, - And who can't be fooled by a hypocrite. - Blessed with a fine discernment, his great heart - Always sees the whole picture, not just each part. - Nothing can drive him to exaggeration; - His firm reason clings to moderation. - He confers on men of worth immortal glory; - But that zeal is not blind or peremptory, - And his love for what's true does not turn his eye - From the power of falseness to horrify. - This man here was unable to entrap him; - His defenses are sound when such snares enwrap him. - From the start, he pierced with his perceptive sight - Through the veils that hid this evil from light. - Tartuffe betrayed himself by accusing you, - And, in divine justice, revealed his true - Colors to the Prince as an infamous cad - Whose deeds under another name were so bad - That the record they made was wholly black - And Satan might use them as his almanac. - In short, this king was revolted to see - His ingratitude to you and disloyalty; - To his other crimes, he has joined this one - And has only allowed it so everyone - Could see his audacity's evil ends - And then see him required to make amends. - All your papers, which the wretch has pawed through, - Are here taken away and returned to you. - With his sovereign power he will abrogate - The contract by which you gave away your estate, - And finally he pardons that secret offense - Which you once committed through benevolence. - This is the reward for the courage you showed - In support of his rights in the late episode, - And to demonstrate that, when least expected, - One's past deeds may be recollected, - That he will never forget a good deed, - And that good outweighs evil in time of need. -Dorine. Heaven be praised! -Madame Pernelle. We're no longer distressed. -Elmire. What a happy ending! -Mariane. Who could have guessed? -Orgon [to Tartuffe, who the Officer is leading away]. Good. There you go, traitor . . . -Cleante. Ah! Brother, cease, - And don't degenerate to indignities. - Leave to himself this miserable clown, - And don't add to the remorse that weighs him down. - Hope instead that his heart may one day - Make a happy return to the virtuous way, - That he'll reform his life and lament his past, - And cause our great Prince to temper justice at last. - You should throw yourself on your knees in praise - Of the kindness and lenience shown these days. -Orgon. Yes, that's well said. 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