diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/28488.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/28488.txt | 2703 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 2703 deletions
diff --git a/old/28488.txt b/old/28488.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 963d180..0000000 --- a/old/28488.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,2703 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg eBook of Tartuffe, by Jean-Baptiste Poquelin -Moliere, Translated by Jeffrey D. Hoeper - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: Tartuffe - or The Hypocrite - -Author: Jean-Baptiste Poquelin Moliere - -Translator: Jeffrey D. Hoeper - -Release Date: April 3, 2009 [eBook #28488] - [Most recently updated July 30, 2023] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TARTUFFE *** - - -This work is granted to the public domain by its translator, -Jeffrey D. Hoeper. - - - -Moliere (Jean-Baptiste Poquelin) 1622-1673 - -Tartuffe or The Hypocrite - -Translated by Jeffrey D. Hoeper - -ACT I -SCENE I -Madame Pernelle and her servant Flipote, Elmire, Mariane, Dorine, Damis, Cleante - -Mme. Pernelle. Let's go, Flipote, let's go. I hate this place. -Elmire. I can't keep up, you rush at such a pace. -Mme. Pernelle. Peace, my dear, peace; come no farther. - I don't wish to cause you any bother. -Elmire. What duty demands, I insist on giving. - But, mother, what has caused your hasty leaving? -Mme. Pernelle. I just can't stand the way your household runs . . . - And no one cares what I wish to have done. - Oh, yes, I leave your household quite dissatisfied - For all my wise advice has been defied . . . - And nobody respects me, and everybody shouts, - And truly this is a home for the king of louts! -Dorine. If . . . -Mme. Pernelle. You, my dearie, are a bold lassy, - A little brazen and very sassy, - You butt into everything to speak your mind. -Damis. But . . . -Mme. Pernelle. You, grandson, are a fool of the worst kind. - It is I, your grandmother, that pronounce this edict - And to my son, your father, I have oft predicted - That you'll turn out to be a worthless wastrel, - And give him in life a foretaste of Hell. -Mariane. I think . . . -Mme. Pernelle. My lord, his sister! You seem so discreet - And so untainted, so very sweet, - But the stillest waters are filled with scum, - And your sly ways earn my revulsion. -Elmire. But . . . -Mme. Pernelle. Daughter, my views may make you mad, - But your conduct in all things is all bad. - In your family's eyes you should be an example-setter; - In that respect their late mother did far better. - You are extravagant, and it wounds me, I guess, - To see you sashay about dressed like a princess. - A woman who wishes only to please her mate, - Dear daughter, need not primp and undulate. -Cleante. Madam, after all . . . -Mme. Pernelle. And her brother, as for you, - I respect you, love you, and revere you, too, - But finally, if I were my son, her spouse, - I would at once beg you to leave this house. - Without cease you teach your rules and mottos - Which decent people should never follow. - I now speak frankly, but it is my part; - I never spare the words that stir my heart. -Damis. Your man Tartuffe is satisfied, no fear . . . -Mme. Pernelle. He is a holy man whom all should hear, - And I cannot bear, without great rue, - To hear him mocked by a fool like you. -Damis. What? Am I myself to bear a carping critic, - A base usurper with a power tyrannic, - Such that we can do nothing for diversion - Without hearing about that creep's aversion? -Dorine. If we were to hear and obey his whims, - We couldn't do anything without sins - For he forbids all, this false Capuchin. -Mme. Pernelle. And everything he forbids is well forbidden. - He strives to guide you on the road to heaven, - And it's my son's duty to make you love him. -Damis. No, grandma, neither dad nor anyone else - Can oblige me to wish for his good health. - I'd be false to myself if I didn't say this: - When I see him around, I begin to get pissed. - I can smell the outcome, and soon this coot, - And I will find ourselves in a grand dispute. -Dorine. It's certainly a clear cause for remark - When a nobody acts like a patriarch, - A beggar who was barefoot when he came hence - And whose whole wardrobe wasn't worth two cents! - And he's gone so far as to forget his past for - He opposes everything and plays the master. -Mme. Pernelle. Ah! mercy on me! Things would be better, - If you'd only follow his holy orders. -Dorine. He passes for a saint in your fantasy, - But, I swear, he acts with hypocrisy. -Mme. Pernelle. Watch your tongue! -Dorine. Not to him nor his man Laurent - Would I trust my honor without good warrant. -Mme. Pernelle. I don't know what his servant's like at heart, - But for the man himself, I'll guarantee his part. - You only treat him with hate and aversion - Because he truly strives for your conversion. - He hurls his heart up against each sin - And the glory of God is all he hopes to win. -Dorine. Yes. But why, especially during some - Time past, must he ban all guests from our home? - Can a courtesy call offend Heaven - Enough to merit a huge commotion? - Would you like it explained, just between us? [Gesturing toward Elmire.] - Of Madam there, on my oath, he's jealous! -Mme. Pernelle. Be quiet, and think before you speak. - Others, too, condemn the company you keep. - All this bustle from the people who arrive, - The carriages ceaselessly parking at curb-side, - And the servants in a circle chattering, - Make noise that your neighbors find nerve-shattering. - I'd like to think there's no harm meant, - But when gossips talk, they're malevolent. -Cleante. How can you hope to stop people talking? - It would truly be most irritating - If, for the sake of idle, foolish chatter, - We must renounce the friends that really matter. - And even if we could resolve to do it, - How could you hope to keep the whole world quiet? - No castle wall can defend against lies, - So let's ignore the fools who criticize, - And strive to live in innocence and ease, - Letting gossips gossip as they please. -Dorine. Daphne, our neighbor, and her petty spouse-- - Weren't they the ones who slandered this house? - Those whom the whole world finds ridiculous - Are always first in line to stick it to us. - They never fail to sniff out and swiftly share - The earliest rumor of a love affair, - Sowing seeds of scandal with eager expedition - And twisting truth past all recognition. - In their own colors, they paint all others, - Brazenly calling all men their brothers; - In the faint hope of finding some resemblance, - They try to give a gloss of innocence - To their schemes or to make others share - The burden of blame that is only theirs. -Mme. Pernelle. All this hair-splitting is off the subject. - Orante lives a life that is perfect - With all her thoughts on heaven, and I hear - That she deeply mourns the way you live here. -Dorine. The lady herself is quite an example! - You want a chaste life? She's a nice sample. - But old age has stuck her in this zealous mood, - And everyone knows she's a reluctant prude. - 'Cause as long as she could snare a man's heart, - She was more than willing to play her part. - But now that her eyes have lost their luster, - She leaves the world that already left her - And uses a pompous veil of phony wisdom - To hide the fact that her looks are gone. - It's the last resort of the aging flirt, - So peeved at having no man at her skirt - That, alone and abandoned to solitude, - Her only recourse is to become a prude. - And these good women censure all with such - Great severity; nor do they pardon much. - They biliously blame immorality - Not from charity, but only from envy - That others are drinking in that pleasure - From which old age now drains their measure. -Mme. Pernelle [to Elmire]. Such idle tales form a silly song. - In your home, my dear, I've been silenced too long - Because, like a crap-shooter with the die, - Madame won't give up her turn; but now my - Chance has come. I applaud my son's great wisdom - In opening his home to this holy person - Who's been heaven-sent to meet your needs - In turning from evil to God's holy deeds. - For your soul's salvation, please pay attention: - What he reprehends, merits reprehension. - These visits, these balls, these conversations - Are flawless signs of Satanic possession. - In them you never hear the holy Credo-- - Just songs, chatter, gossip, malice, and innuendo. - Often the neighbors get stabbed to the heart - By vicious lies from the third or fourth part. - So good people suffer real anxiety - From the sad confusion spread at your party. - A slew of slanders are spread along the way - And, as a doctor told me the other day, - This is truly the Tower of Babylon - Because everyone babbles on and on; - And, to tell a story that now comes to mind . . . - Now look at him and how he laughs! [Indicating Cleante.] Go find - Some snickering fools. They are just your kind! - [To Elmire.] Adieu, my daughter. I'll say no more. - But I don't intend to darken your door - For a long, long time. You've fallen from grace. - [Slapping Flipote.] Hurry up, there! Don't stand staring into space! - Lord Almighty! I'll slap your silly face. - Go on, you slut, go on. - -SCENE II -Cleante, Dorine - -Cleante. I'm not following; - I'm sure there'd only be more quarrelling. - How that old harridan . . . -Dorine. Oh, how I regret - That she can't hear you use that epithet. - She'd tell you at length what she thinks of your wit, - And that she's not old enough to merit it. -Cleante. What a fuss she made about nearly nothing! - And what a passion for Tartuffe, her darling! -Dorine. Oh! Really, she's normal compared to her son, - And if you could see him, you'd say, "Here's one - Who's nuts!" During the war, he seemed quite sage, - And in serving his prince, showed some courage, - But now he's become an absolute fool - Since he gave himself up to Tartuffe's rule. - He calls him his brother and the love of his life-- - More dear than mother, daughter, son, or wife. - He's the sole confidant of all his secrets - And the sole director of all his projects. - He caresses him, kisses him, and could not show a mistress - More love and affection than he gives to this - Leech. At dinner he gives him the highest place - And watches with joy as he stuffs his face - With cakes and tarts and often the best part - Of a pig, and if he should happen to hiccup or fart, - Says, "God be with you!" He's mad about him-- - His honey, his hero. He always quotes him - And admires his deeds. His smallest acts are miracles - And even his stupidest words are oracles. - Tartuffe, who uses his dupe to make a buck, - Knows a hundred wily ways to pluck this duck; - He rakes off great sums with his biblical bull - And demands the right to censor us all. - His foolish footman has such presumption - That even he dares to give us instruction. - Madly preaching, he scatters with eyes afire - Our ribbons, our rouge, and our best attire. - Last night he ripped up with his own bare hands - A kerchief left lying in The Holy Lands, - Claiming our crime was truly gigantic - In mixing what's holy with what's Satanic. - -SCENE III -Elmire, Mariane, Damis, Cleante, Dorine - -Elmire [to Cleante]. You should be glad you missed the dreadful chore - Of attending her lecture beside the door-- - Here comes my spouse! Since he doesn't see me, - I'm going upstairs to rest quietly. -Cleante. Then I'll remain with no pleasure on my part - To tell him hello and then quickly depart. -Damis. Ask him about the marriage of Mariane. - I think Tartuffe will oppose it if he can, - For he sets up so many prerequisites, - And you know what an interest I take in it. - The heat that inflames my sister and Valere - Has made his sweet sister so very dear - To me that if . . . -Dorine. Shh, he's here. - -SCENE IV -Orgon, Cleante, Dorine - -Orgon. Hello, brother! -Cleante. I'm glad you've returned before my departure. - The countryside isn't quite blossoming yet. -Orgon. Dorine . . . One second brother, please! Just let - Me set my heart at ease and soothe my fear - Concerning the things that have happened here. [To Dorine.] - For these past two days, how have things gone on? - What has happened? And how is everyone? -Dorine. The first day your wife had a bad fever - And a headache that just wouldn't leave her. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. Tartuffe? He's in splendid shape, - Fat and flabby, with red lips, and a shining face. -Orgon. Poor fellow! -Dorine. That night, your wife felt so sick - And so feverish that she could only pick - At her dinner and scarcely ate a bite. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. He alone ate with all his might, - And devoutly devoured a pair of pheasants - And a leg of lamb in our lady's presence. -Orgon. Poor fellow! -Dorine. The whole night passed before she - Could even close her eyes to fall asleep; - Shivers and chills beset her in bed, - And right up till dawn we watched her with dread. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. Drowsy from all that he'd consumed, - He left the table, went straight to his room, - And fell quickly into his nice, warm sack - Where he slept all night flat on his back. -Orgon. Poor fellow. -Dorine. At last your wife began heeding - Our good advice that she needed bleeding, - And she began to recover soon thereafter. -Orgon. And Tartuffe? -Dorine. He couldn't have been any better. - To fortify himself against every ill - And to regain the blood that Madam spilled, - He drank at brunch four great glasses of wine. -Orgon. Poor fellow! -Dorine. Both of them are now quite fine; - I'll now be going up to tell your wife - Of your deep concern at this threat to her life. - -SCENE V -Orgon, Cleante - -Cleante. She's making fun of you to your face, brother; - And, though I don't intend to be a bother, - I must frankly admit that there's some justice - In what she says. What a crazy caprice - You have for him! And how could he exert - Such charm that you'll even let your wife be hurt? - After taking this pauper into your heart, - You go so far . . . -Orgon. Stop there! Or we must part! - You don't know the man to whom you refer. -Cleante. Okay. Say I don't know him if you prefer, - But then to know what sort of man he might be . . . -Orgon. Brother, you'd be charmed if you could only see - Him, and your glee would be . . . gargantuan! - He's a man who . . . who . . . a man . . . well, a man! - Learn from him a peacefulness most exquisite, - That lets you drop your woes like . . . dried horseshit! - Yes, I've been reborn because of his preaching: - He teaches me that I shouldn't love anything, - From every earthly passion he has freed my life; - I'd watch my brother, mother, children, and wife - Drop dead without caring so much as that! [He snaps his fingers.] -Cleante. You've sure got humane sentiments down pat! -Orgon. Ah! If you'd seen him as I did at first, - Your eyes would have feasted on him with a spiritual thirst! - Each day he came to church smiling with sweet peace - And threw himself down before me on both knees. - He drew upon himself the eyes of everyone there - By the holy fervor of his pious prayer. - He sighed and wept with a most saintly passion - And humbly kissed the earth in a fetching fashion; - And when I was going, he rushed out front - To bless me with water from the holy font. - His servant (matching his master to a T) - Then informed me of his identity-- - And his poverty. So I made a donation, - But then he tried to return a portion. - "It's too much," he said. "You're too generous; - I don't merit your pity and kindness." - And when I refused to take it back, he gave - It in alms to the poor right there in the nave. - Then God bade me take him into my home - And now life is sweet as a honeycomb. - He governs us all, and to protect my honor - Bids my wife grant his godly rule upon her. - He forewarns me of men who might give her the eye, - And he really seems far more jealous than I! - Why, you wouldn't believe his fear of Hell! - He thinks himself damned for the least bagatelle. - Such trifles suffice to scandalize him - That he even accused himself of sin - For having slain with a bit too much wrath - A flea that just happened to cross his path. -Cleante. My goodness, brother! I think you're crazy! - Are you mocking me with sheer lunacy? - And how can you pretend that this pure rot . . . ? -Orgon. Dear brother, your words reek of that free thought - With which I find you more than a bit impeached, - And, as ten times or more I have clearly preached, - You will soon find yourself in a wicked bind. -Cleante. Now this is the normal jargon of your kind. - They want everyone to be as blind as they are. - To be clear-sighted, is to be in error, - And one who rejects their vain hypocrisy - Has no respect for faith or sanctity. - Go on, all your tart sermons scarcely smart; - I know what I'm saying, and God sees my heart. - I'm not a slave to your silly ceremony. - There is false piety like false bravery; - Just as one often sees, when honor calls us, - That the bravest men never make the most fuss, - So, too, the good Christians, whom one should follow, - Are not those who find life so hard to swallow. - What now? Will you not make any distinction - Between hypocrisy and true devotion? - Would you wish to use the same commonplace - To describe both a mere mask and a true face? - To equate artifice with sincerity - Is to confound appearance and reality. - To admire a shadow as much as you do - Is to prefer counterfeit money to true. - The majority of men are strangely made! - And their true natures are rarely displayed. - For them the bounds of reason are too small; - In their shabby souls they love to lounge and sprawl. - And very often they spoil a noble deed - By their urge for excess and reckless speed. - But all this, brother, is idle chatter. -Orgon. Without doubt you are a renowned teacher; - With all the world's knowledge in your coffer. - You're the only oracle, the wisest sage, - The enlightened one, the Cato of our age; - And next to you, all other men are dumb. -Cleante. Brother, I know I'm not the wisest one - Nor the most learned man in Christendom - But in moral matters my greatest coup - Is to differentiate false from true. - And since I know of no heroes about - More to be praised than the truly devout - And nothing at all with greater appeal - Than the holy fervor of saintly zeal, - So too nothing could be more odious - Than the white-washed face of a zeal that's specious, - Or these frank charlatans, seeking places, - Whose false and sacrilegious double faces - Exploit our love of God and make a game - Of our reverence for Christ's holy name. - These people who, with a shop-keeper's soul, - Make cheap trinkets to trade on the Credo, - And hope to purchase credit and favor - Bought with sly winks and affected fervor; - These people, I say, whose uncommon hurry - On the path to Heaven leads through their treasury, - Who, writhing and praying, demand a profit each day - And call for a Retreat while pocketing their pay, - Who know how to tally their zeal with their vices,-- - Faithless, vindictive, full of artifices-- - To ruin someone they'll conceal their resentment - With a capacious cloak of Godly contentment. - They are doubly dangerous in their vicious ire - Because they destroy us with what we admire, - And their piety, which gains them an accolade, - Is a tool to slay us with a sacred blade. - There are many men in this false disguise, - But those with pure hearts are easy to recognize. - Our age, my friend, has brought into plain sight - Many glorious examples of what is right. - Look at Ariston, or Periandre, - Oronte, Alcidamus, or Clitandre; - Their title is one that all agree to. - They decline any fanfare for their virtue; - They don't indulge in vain ostentation; - Their humane faith finds form in moderation; - They never censure all of our actions, - For they sense the vain pride in such transactions. - And, leaving boastful rhetoric to others, - By their own actions they reprove their brothers. - The appearance of evil is no concern of theirs; - They cast the best light on others' affairs. - They plot no intrigues; seek no one to fleece; - Their only concern is to live at peace. - They don't seek to cause any sinner chagrin; - Their abhorrence is directed only at sin. - And they don't take the side of God more extremely - Than God himself--who could act supremely! - These are my models, and these are their ways; - Such examples are the ones that most merit praise. - But your man, in truth, is not made from such steel. - In good faith, perhaps, you praise his great zeal, - But I think you're dazed by his meaningless - Glitter. -Orgon. Dear brother-in-law, are you finished? -Cleante. Yes. -Orgon. Your humble servant. [He begins to leave.] -Cleante. Pardon me. One word, brother. - Let's drop this discussion. You know that Valere - Has your word that he'll be Mariane's spouse. -Orgon. Yes. -Cleante. And you've announced this fact in your house. -Orgon. That is true. -Cleante. Then why postpone the event? -Orgon. I don't know. -Cleante. Do you intend to recant? -Orgon. Perhaps. -Cleante. How could you go back on your word? -Orgon. I didn't say I would. -Cleante. I hope no absurd - Hitch could make you retract your own promise. -Orgon. We'll see. -Cleante. Why do you speak with such finesse? - Valere sent me to ask you this verbatim. -Orgon. Praise God! -Cleante. But what shall I report to him? -Orgon. What you please. -Cleante. But it is essential - To know your plans. What are they? -Orgon. To do all - That God wishes. -Cleante. Stick to the point. I know - Your promise. Will you keep it? Yes, or no? -Orgon. Farewell. -Cleante. I fear his promise will be withdrawn, - So I'd better report what's going on. - - - ACT II - -SCENE I -Orgon, Mariane - -Orgon. Mariane. -Mariane. Yes. -Orgon. Come here. We need to speak - Privately. -Mariane. Father, what is it you seek? -Orgon [looking in the closet]. I'm seeing if anyone can overhear us. - This is a perfect place for such a purpose. - There now, it's okay. Mariane, I find - You endowed with a heart that's sweet and kind - And you have always been most dear to me. -Mariane. A father's love brings true felicity. -Orgon. Well said, my child! And to earn it fully - You should devote yourself to contenting me. -Mariane. That's how my devotion is put to the proof. -Orgon. Good. Now what do you think of our guest, Tartuffe? -Mariane. Who me? -Orgon. You. Think well before you reply. -Mariane. Oh my! Tell me what to say . . . and I'll comply. - -[Dorine enters quietly and hides herself behind Orgon without being seen.] - -Orgon. That's sensibly spoken. Now tell me, girl, - That his merit shines like a gleaming pearl, - That he warms your heart, and that you would rejoice - To have him be your husband by my choice. - Eh? - -[Mariane recoils in dismay.] - -Mariane. Eh? -Orgon. What's that? -Mariane. Please? -Orgon. What? -Mariane. Am I in error? -Orgon. Why? -Mariane. Whom do you wish that I should now swear - Touches my heart--and who would rejoice me - If we joined, by your choice, in matrimony? -Orgon. Tartuffe. -Mariane. Out of the question, father, I assure - You! Why urge on me such an imposture? -Orgon. But, my dear, I wish it to be true, - And it should be enough that I've chosen for you. -Mariane. What? Father, would you . . .? -Orgon. Yes, I intend, you see - To unite in marriage Tartuffe and my family. - He will be your husband. I do declare it! - Since you have promised . . . - -SCENE II -Dorine, Orgon, Mariane - -Orgon [perceiving Dorine]. What do you stare at? - You must be eaten up with curiosity - To eavesdrop on my daughter and me. -Dorine. I don't know whether the rumor I hear - Is sly conjecture or a wicked smear; - But I've just heard word of this marriage, - And I trust it is only verbiage. -Orgon. Why? Is the idea itself so very absurd? -Dorine. I wouldn't believe it, sir, if you gave your word! -Orgon. I will make you believe it by-and-by. -Dorine. Yes. You're going to tell us a bald-faced lie. -Orgon. I am only saying what you will soon see. -Dorine. Nonsense! -Orgon. What I say, dear girl, will soon be. -Dorine. Go on. Don't believe him! It's too bizarre! - He's joking. -Orgon. I say . . . -Dorine. No, you've gone too far, - And no one believes you. -Orgon. Damn you, you shrew . . . -Dorine. Well, I believe you then; the worse for you. - What? Monsieur, can you pose as one who's sage, - Gravely stroking your bearded visage? - And still be fool enough to wish . . . -Orgon. Hear me! - I have given you too much liberty, - And it no longer gives me any pleasure. -Dorine. Monsieur, please. Keep your anger within measure. - Are you mocking us with your silly plot? - Your daughter is no match for a bigot; - He has other schemes to worry about. - And what would you gain if she wed this lout? - With your wealth, what benefit would it bring - To pick a bum . . . -Orgon. Ssh! Say he has nothing; - For that reason, you should revere him the more. - He is a holy man and nobly poor. - It raises him up to greater grandeur - That he has renounced all wealth by his pure - Detachment from the merely temporal - And his powerful love for the Eternal. - But my assistance may give him the means - To restore his lands and remove his liens. - He is a man of repute in the land of his birth, - And, even as he is, he's a man of worth. -Dorine. Yes, so he tells us, but his vanity - Does not sit so well with true piety. - A man pleased with a simple sanctity - Needn't vaunt his name and his dignity, - And the humility born of devotion - Suffers beneath such blatant ambition. - What good is his pride? . . . But perhaps I digress: - Let's speak of the man--not his nobleness. - Can you bestow, without feeling like a rat, - A girl like this on a man like that? - And shouldn't you think of propriety - And foresee the end with anxiety? - We know that some girls cannot remain chaste - If their husband's tush is not to their taste, - And that the best-laid plans for an honest life - Are somewhat easier for the best-laid wife, - And that many a man with a horned head - Has driven his wife to another man's bed. - It is entirely too much to ask - That a wife be faithful to a flabby ass. - And one who gives a girl to a man she hates - Is guilty before God for all her mistakes. - Consider the perils you expose yourself to. -Orgon. So you think I should learn how to live from you! -Dorine. You could do worse than follow my lead. -Orgon. Dear daughter, do drop this maid's daffy creed; - I know what's best for you in this affair. - It's true I betrothed you to young Valere, - But I hear he likes his dicing and drinking - And even worse is inclined to free-thinking. - I note with regret we don't see him at mass. -Dorine. Must he be there the same moment you pass - Like those who attend only to be seen? -Orgon. Your advice isn't wanted. Don't intervene. - Tartuffe is on the path to salvation, - And that is a treasure past calculation. - This wedding will bring blessings beyond measure, - And be crowned with great sweetness and pleasure. - Together you will live, thriving on love - Like new-born babes, or a pair of turtledoves. - You will never be found in angry debate - For you will find all that you wish in this mate. -Dorine. She'll only make him a cuckold, I'm sure. -Orgon. What? -Dorine. He looks just like a caricature, - And his fate, monsieur, will make him an ass - No matter how much virtue your daughter has. -Orgon. Don't interrupt me and remember your place - And quit sticking your nose up in my face! -Dorine. I'm only trying, sir, to protect you. - -[Hereafter she always interrupts him at the moment he begins speaking to his daughter.] - -Orgon. You're too kind, but do shut up--please do! -Dorine. If I didn't like you . . . -Orgon. I don't need liking. -Dorine. But I will like you, sir, despite your griping. -Orgon. Oh? -Dorine. Your honor is dear and I'd be provoked - To find you the butt of some smutty joke. -Orgon. Can't you keep quiet? -Dorine. In all good conscience, - It's a shame to foster such an alliance. -Orgon. Shut up, you viper, with your brazen traits . . . -Dorine. What? You've been reborn, yet you give way to hate? -Orgon. Yes, your twaddle has made me quite high-strung, - And I now insist that you hold your tongue. -Dorine. All right. But I'll think in silence nonetheless. -Orgon. Think if you wish to, but strive for success - At shutting your mouth . . . or beware. [Turning to his daughter] Let's see, - I have weighed everything quite maturely. -Dorine [aside]. I hate this silence. [She falls quiet every time Orgon turns toward her.] -Orgon. Without being smug, I'll - Say Tartuffe's face . . . -Dorine. Yes, he has a fine muzzle! -Orgon. Is so fine that even if you forgot - His other traits . . . -Dorine [aside]. And they're a sorry lot! - -[Orgon turns toward Dorine and, with his arms folded, listens while staring in her face.] - - If I were in her place, most assuredly - No man would wed me with impunity, - And I'd prove to him right after the wedding - That a wife's vengeance lies in the bedding! -Orgon [to Dorine]. So you refuse to obey me, is that true? -Dorine. What's your beef, sir? I'm not speaking to you. -Orgon. Then what are you doing? -Dorine. Soliloquizing. -Orgon. Very well. [aside] To give her a good chastising, - I think she needs a taste of the back of my hand. - [He prepares to slap her, but each time Dorine sees him looking at her, she stands silent and erect.] - Child, you should approve of all I have planned . . . - And have faith in the spouse . . . who's my designee. - [To Dorine.] Speak to yourself! -Dorine. I've nothing to say to me. -Orgon. Just one little word. -Dorine. I'm not in the mood. -Orgon. Because I was ready! -Dorine. What ineptitude! -Orgon. Now, daughter, let's see some obedience. - Accept my choice with complete deference. -Dorine [running away]. I'd thumb my nose at such a silly spouse. - [Orgon tries to slap Dorine and misses.] -Orgon. Daughter, your maid is a pest and would arouse - Vice in a saint--she's an absolute shrew! - I'm so upset that I can't continue. - Her taunts have nearly driven me to swear, - And I need to calm down in the open air. - -SCENE III -Dorine, Mariane - -Dorine. Have you entirely lost your voice and heart? - Why must I continue playing your part? - To think you allow such a mad proposal - Without voicing even a meek refusal! -Mariane. How can I resist such a harsh patriarch? -Dorine. By any means! Don't be an easy mark! -Mariane. But how? -Dorine. Tell him you can't love on command, - That you marry for yourself, not by demand, - And since you are most concerned in these affairs - You'll choose for yourself the sire of his heirs, - And that, if Tartuffe is so charming to him, - He can wed him himself--if that's his whim. -Mariane. A father, I'm sure, has absolute power; - Before him I can only cringe and cower. -Dorine. Use your head. Valere wants to tie the knot. - Do you really love him, I ask--or not? -Mariane. Your injustice to me has a mortal sting! - Dorine, how can you ask me such a thing? - Haven't I poured out my whole soul to you, - And don't you know yet that my love is true? -Dorine. How do I know that your heart echoes your voice - And that this love is truly your own choice? -Mariane. Your doubts, Dorine, wrong me greatly; - My real feelings are shown far too plainly. -Dorine. You love him then? -Mariane. Yes, with the strongest passion. -Dorine. And he seems to love you in the same fashion? -Mariane. I think so. -Dorine. And both of you burn equally - For this union in marriage? -Mariane. Certainly. -Dorine. And about this other man, what's your intention? -Mariane. I'd die before I'd submit to coercion. -Dorine. Fine! I hadn't thought of that recourse. - Death would give you such a forcible divorce. - What an ingenious remedy! Geez! - I hate to hear such stupid ideas. -Mariane. Good Heavens! What a rotten mood you're in! - You have no pity for my pain, Dorine! -Dorine. I have no sympathy for foolishness - And those who meet a crisis with such weakness. -Mariane. But what do you want me to do? I was born frail. -Dorine. A woman in love needs a heart of steel. -Mariane. But haven't I kept it free for my lover - Whose task it is to win me from my father? -Dorine. What! If your father is a mad fanatic - Whose love for Tartuffe is completely lunatic - And who has blocked the match you are now bewailing, - Is your lover to be damned for failing? -Mariane. But am I to display how deeply I'm bitten - By rejecting Tartuffe like one who's love-smitten? - Am I, because of Valere's strength and beauty, - To renounce my modesty and duty? - And would you have me show my heart to all . . . ? -Dorine. No, no, not at all. I'm wrong to forestall - Your marriage to Tartuffe, and my defiance - Is apparent in barring that alliance. - What reason have I for my outrageous - Attempt to stop something so advantageous? - Tartuffe! Oh! Isn't he something to behold? - Surely Tartuffe is not made from such a mold, - If rightly viewed, as to make a person laugh; - 'Twould be an honor to be his better half. - The whole world already crowns him with glory;-- - Both in physique and character he's laudatory; - He has red ears and a florid, flushing face - With him for a mate you'd live in joyful grace. -Mariane. Dear God! -Dorine. What delight you will feel within - To know that you're wed to a man like him. -Mariane. Oh! Please stop talking, and show me the way - To avoid this marriage. I will obey, - You've said enough, and I'm ready to be led. -Dorine. No. A good daughter must obey her dad-- - Even if he wishes her to make love - To an ape. What are you complaining of? - You will proceed to his little villa - Where you will get your absolute fill of - Uncles and cousins to be entertained. - Right away you'll move among the most urbane - Of hicks. First you will make some overture - To the wives of the judge and the tax assessor, - Who will kindly seat you on a folding chair. - During Carnival, you may hope to have there - A ball with two bagpipes for an orchestra - And maybe some puppets and a tame gorilla. - But if your husband . . . -Mariane. Oh! You're killing me. - Please help me avoid this catastrophe. -Dorine. I am your servant. -Mariane. Oh! Dorine, mercy . . . -Dorine. To punish you, I ought to leave things be. -Mariane. My dear girl! -Dorine. No. -Mariane. If I declared my love . . . -Dorine. No. Tartuffe is your man; that's sure enough. -Mariane. You know that I've always trusted that you'd - Help me . . . -Dorine. No. I'm sure you will be tartuffed. -Mariane. All right! Since my fate no longer moves you, - Henceforth you may leave me alone and blue; - From deep sorrow my heart will draw relief, - And I know an absolute cure for my grief. -[She starts to leave.] -Dorine. Whoa! I'm not really angry. Come back,--do. - In spite of everything, I pity you. -Mariane. If I'm to be the one you crucify, - You'll see, Dorine, how quickly I shall die. -Dorine. Don't torture yourself. We can easily - Block them. . . . But look! I think that's Valere I see. - -SCENE IV -Valere, Mariane, Dorine - -Valere. Gossip is singing a little ditty, - My dear,--news to me and very pretty. -Mariane. What? -Valere. That you will marry Tartuffe. -Mariane. It's true - That my father has such a plan in view. -Valere. Your father . . . -Mariane. Has altered his inclination. - Through him, all this has come to my attention. -Valere. What? Seriously? -Mariane. Yes, seriously. - He wants this wedding--quite decidedly! -Valere. And how does your heart respond to this plan, - Madam? -Mariane. I don't know. -Valere. Your response is plain. - You don't know? -Mariane. No. -Valere. No? -Mariane. What do you recommend? -Valere. I recommend that you accept this husband. -Mariane. You recommend that? -Valere. Yes. -Mariane. Really? -Valere. I do. - A wonderful choice, well worth attending to. -Mariane. Very well! That's advice, sir, that I accept. -Valere. I doubt that taking it causes you regret. -Mariane. No more regret than giving it causes you. -Valere. I gave it thinking pleasure would ensue. -Mariane. And I, I'll take it--simply to please you. -Dorine [moving upstage]. Let's see what comes of this hullabaloo. -Valere. So that's your love for me? And did you lie - When you . . . -Mariane. Please, let's not speak of days gone by. - You've told me quite plainly that I must embrace - As my mate the man they've chosen for that place, - And now I say that I promise to obey - Since you so kindly advise me that way. -Valere. Don't excuse yourself through circumlocution: - You've already made your own resolution, - And you've seized upon a frivolous excuse - To justify this lamentable ruse. -Mariane. Quite true and well said. -Valere. No doubt, and your soul - Never lost, for love of me, its self-control. -Mariane. Alas! Alas! You may as well think so. -Valere. Yes, I may think so, but my broken heart - Foresees you, too, suffering from Love's dart; - I know to whom I'll take my heart and hand. -Mariane. No doubt, and the love that merit can command... -Valere. Dear God, let's leave merit to one side. - I haven't much of it, as you have signified, - But I know where there's a woman, soft-eyed - And open-hearted . . . and this double-cross - May make her more inclined to recompense my loss. -Mariane. The loss isn't great; and your fickleness - Will soon lead you to find a new mistress. -Valere. I'll do my best--of that you may be sure! - When one is forgotten, it's hard to endure, - And so I, too, must struggle to forget. - If I can't do it, I'll fake it . . . and yet - I could never forgive my own servility - If I kept loving one who abandoned me. -Mariane. What a noble, uplifting sentiment! -Valere. Quite so. Everyone should give it their assent. - What? Do you think that I should perpetuate - The flame of love that I have felt of late, - And see you pass into another's arms - Without letting my heart seek other charms? -Mariane. No, indeed. It's what I want, and I vow - I wish the thing were to happen right now. -Valere. You do? -Mariane. Yes. -Valere. That's enough insults from you, - Madam, and now I will bid you adieu. -[He starts to leave; each time he does so, he quickly comes back.] -Mariane. Very well. -Valere [coming back]. At least remember that you - Are the one who forced me down this avenue. -Mariane. Yes. -Valere. And that I am doing nothing more - Than following the path you took before. -Mariane. So be it. -Valere [leaving]. Fine. I'm doing what you want. -Mariane. Good. -Valere [returning again]. I'm leaving forever--not some short jaunt. -Mariane. The sooner the better. - [He begins to leave and, when he is near the door, he returns.] -Valere. Eh? -Mariane. What? -Valere. You called? -Mariane. Me? No. -Valere. Ah. Well then, I'll soon be abroad. - Adieu, madam. [He slowly starts to leave.] -Mariane. Adieu. -Dorine [to Mariane]. I think, perchance, - You've lost your mind through extravagance, - And I've only allowed you to go on - Like this to see what folly you might spawn. - Hey! Valere! [She grabs him by the arm and he makes a show of resistance.] -Valere. Huh? What do you want, Dorine? -Dorine. Come here. -Valere. No. I'm too mad. Don't intervene. - She wishes me to drain this bitter cup. -Dorine. Stop. -Valere. No, can't you see that my mind's made up? -Dorine. Ah! -Mariane [aside]. My presence pains him, I drive him away. - I think it would be best if I didn't stay. -Dorine [She leaves Valere and runs after Mariane]. Now where are you going? -Mariane. Let go. -Dorine. Then return. -Mariane. No, no, Dorine. It's none of your concern. -Valere [aside]. I see that my presence causes her pain; - It would be best if I freed her again. -Dorine [She leaves Mariane and runs to Valere]. - Wait! May you both be damned if I want this mess! - Come here you two and settle this fracas. - [She pulls them both together.] -Valere [to Dorine]. But what's your plan? -Mariane [to Dorine]. What do you wish to do? -Dorine. To patch things up a bit between you two. - [To Valere]. Are you out of your mind to fight in this way? -Valere. Did you hear her treat me like a popinjay? -Dorine [to Mariane]. Are you mad to have gotten so enraged? -Mariane. Did you see what happened? It can't be assuaged. -Dorine. You're both dunces. [To Valere] She wants nothing more - Than to be the one woman you adore. - [To Mariane] He loves you alone, and to make you his wife - Is his only desire--I swear on my life! -Mariane [to Valere]. How, then, could you give me such bad advice? -Valere. And how could you demand it? Was that wise? -Dorine. You're both insane. Now give your hands to me. - [To Valere] Come on. -Valere [giving his hand to Dorine]. What for? -Dorine. There. [To Mariane] Now yours, don't you see. -Mariane [giving her hand as well]. What's the point of all this? -Dorine. Lord! Quick! Come on! - Your love for each other can't be withdrawn. - [Valere and Mariane hold hands for awhile without looking at each other.] -Valere [turning toward Mariane]. Don't react so painfully by the book. - Try giving a fellow a civil look. - [Mariane turns her gaze on Valere and gives him a shy smile.] -Dorine. All lovers are crazy! It's sad, but true. -Valere [to Mariane]. Am I not right to complain about you? - And to tell the truth, weren't you rather unkind - To delight in trying to unsettle my mind? -Mariane. What about you? Aren't you the bigger ingrate . . . ? -Dorine. Let's wait until later for this debate - And try instead to stop this marriage. -Mariane. Tell us, then, what we can use for leverage. -Dorine. We will wage warfare on every front. - Your father is bluffing and playing a stunt. - [To Mariane] But it might be better for you to seem - To sweetly consent to his crazy scheme - So that, whatever the future may bring, - You can postpone and postpone this wedding. - By gaining time, we gain our remedy. - Sometimes you will feign a strange malady - Whose sudden onset will bring some delay; - Sometimes an ill-omen will cause you dismay: - You saw a corpse and never felt queerer, - Dreamt of muddy water, or broke a mirror. - The point above all is that no one, I guess, - Can force you to marry unless you say, "Yes." - But our ship would sail in fairer weather - If you were never seen talking together. - [To Valere] Go, and without delay employ each friend - To keep him on course toward what we intend. - [To Mariane] We are going to seek help from his brother - And we'll also recruit your step-mother. - Farewell. -Valere [to Mariane]. Whatever we attempt to do, - In truth, my greatest hope resides in you. -Mariane [to Valere]. Although I cannot answer for my father, - I vow I'll never belong to another. -Valere. How happy you have made me! If they ever . . . -Dorine. Fie! You young lovers prattle forever! - Be off, I say. -Valere [going a step and then returning]. Finally . . . -Dorine. What blather! - You go off that way, and you go the other. - - - - -ACT III - -SCENE I -Damis, Dorine - -Damis. May a bolt of lightning now strike me dumb, - May everybody treat me like a bum - If either respect or force can hinder me - From blowing my top at this calamity! -Dorine. For heaven's sake, control your displeasure. - Your father has merely mentioned this measure. - No one does everything he proposes. - How something opens may not be how it closes. -Damis. I need to stop this vulgar coxcomb's plot - And in two little words tell him what's what. -Dorine. Whoa now! Why don't you let your step-mother - Manage him just as she does your father. - Over Tartuffe she has her own little ways - Of making him welcome all that she says, - And perhaps she makes his heart go pitter-patter. - Pray God it's true! That would be a fine matter. - In fact she has summoned him for your sake - In order to learn exactly what's at stake, - To find out his feelings, and to let him know - What really rotten results would flow - From any pretensions he might have to marry. - His valet says he's praying, and I should tarry-- - That he'll descend after he meditates. - Be off then, I beg you, and let me wait. -Damis. I demand to be here the whole time they meet. -Dorine. No. They must be alone. -Damis. I won't even speak. -Dorine. You're kidding yourself. You're so quick to anger, - And that would surely put us all in danger. - Go. -Damis. No. I'm going to watch--without getting cross. -Dorine. How tiresome you are! Here they come. Get lost! - [Damis hides himself in a closet.] - -SCENE II -Tartuffe, Laurent, Dorine - -Tartuffe [observing Dorine]. Laurent, lock up my hair shirt and my scourge, - And pray for freedom from each carnal urge. - If anyone comes calling, say I have gone - To share my alms with the poor souls in prison. -Dorine [aside]. Such affectation and boastful behavior! -Tartuffe. What do you wish? -Dorine. To say . . . -Tartuffe [taking a handkerchief from his pocket]. Wait! By our Savior, - Please! Before you speak take this handkerchief. -Dorine. Why? -Tartuffe. Because seeing your bosom causes me grief. - Through one's eyes one's soul may be wounded, - And then sinful thoughts may grow unattended. -Dorine. Then you are quite ready for temptation, - And bare skin makes on you a big impression. - I truly don't know why you feel such passion; - I myself think lust is out of fashion, - For I could see you nude from top to toe - Without your pelt setting my cheeks aglow. -Tartuffe. Put a little modesty in your discourse - Or I must leave you instantly perforce. -Dorine. No, it is I who will leave you here in peace, - And I will just say this before I cease: - Madam is coming down to visit you - And demands the favor of a rendezvous. -Tartuffe. Oh yes! Most willingly! -Dorine [to herself]. Isn't he sweet! - I'm even surer now that dog's in heat. -Tartuffe. Will she soon come? -Dorine. I think I can hear her. - Yes, there. Now I will leave you two together. - -SCENE III -Elmire, Tartuffe - -Tartuffe. May Heaven forever in its great bounty - Grant you good health both in soul and body, - And bless your days as much as he desires - Who is the humblest of those your love inspires! -Elmire. I'm much obliged for your pious wishes, but please, - Let us be seated and put ourselves at ease. -Tartuffe [sitting down]. Have you quite recovered from your illness? -Elmire [sitting as well]. Yes, my headache quickly lost its sharpness. -Tartuffe. My prayers haven't enough value to buy - Such grace from the Heavenly One on High, - But most of my recent prayers have in essence - Been mainly focused on your convalescence. -Elmire. Your concern for me is somewhat disquieting. -Tartuffe. I dearly cherish your precious well-being, - And to restore it I would have given my own. -Elmire. Such Christian charity is overblown, - But I am much obliged for all your care. -Tartuffe. I try to do as much for you as I dare. -Elmire. I wish to speak of some private business - And am pleased there's no one to overhear us. -Tartuffe. I, too, am delighted, and entre nous - It's very sweet being one-on-one with you. - For this also have I begged the Deity, - But only now has he granted it to me. -Elmire. I myself want an encounter between us two - Where your whole heart is opened through and through. - - [Without exposing himself and in order to better hear the conversation, Damis opens the door of the closet in which he is hiding.] - -Tartuffe. In exchange for this unique blessing, I - Desire only to reveal to you my - Whole soul, and to swear that all my preaching - About your guests--though perhaps over-reaching-- - Was not caused by any anger or hate - But rather by a zeal that's passionate - And pure . . . -Elmire. I wholly understand and declare - My belief that you seek only my welfare. -Tartuffe [pressing the tips of her fingers]. Yes, madam, it's true; my devotion is such . . . -Elmire. You're hurting me. -Tartuffe. Passion pushes me too much. - I never wanted to hurt you, I swear, - And I would rather . . . - [He puts his hand on her knee.] -Elmire. Why is your hand there? -Tartuffe. I'm feeling your dress. Such fine dimity! -Elmire. Oh! Please let me go. You're tickling me. - [She pushes her chair back, and Tartuffe moves his forward.] -Tartuffe [putting his hand on her lacy collar]. Dear Lord! But this workmanship is marvelous! - Lacework nowadays is miraculous. - I've never seen anything quite so fine. -Elmire. That's true. But let's speak of this concern of mine. - I hear that my husband may be breaking his word - And giving you his daughter. What have you heard? -Tartuffe. In truth, madam, some such words did transpire, - But that is not the joy to which I aspire, - And I see elsewhere those splendid attractions - Which I seek to attain through all of my actions. -Elmire. Then all your earthly love has been overthrown? -Tartuffe. My breast does not hold a heart made of stone. -Elmire. I'm sure that all your thoughts are on salvation, - And nothing less holds any fascination. -Tartuffe. The love that attracts us to what's eternal - Does not stop our love for the merely temporal. - Our senses can be quite easily charmed - By the perfect Earthly works that God has formed. - His glory is mirrored in those like you, - But in you yourself we see its rarest hue. - He has molded your face with such sublime art - That it surprises the eye and transports the heart, - And I can't gaze upon you, you perfect creature, - Without worshipping in you both God and nature, - And sensing in my soul an ardent love - For this, the most beautiful portrait by God above. - At first I feared that my secret passion - Might be a tricky trap laid by Satan, - And I even resolved to flee from your eyes - As if you were something to exorcise. - But I finally learned, oh beauty most lovable, - That my ardor for you could never be culpable, - That I should even consider it right, - And so I submit to my heart's delight. - I confess that I'm playing an audacious part - In presenting to you the gift of my heart, - But I place all my faith in your kindness - Like a beggar-man hindered by blindness. - In you I seek peace, hope, and happiness; - On you depends my torment or my bliss. - And through you alone I will finally be - Happy if you will, or sad if you please. -Elmire. That declaration is very urbane, - But in a man of God it's a bit profane. - You ought to protect your heart a bit better - And reflect more deeply on such a matter. - A saint like you whom we all hail . . . -Tartuffe. I may be holy, but I'm nonetheless male, - And when one sees your heavenly charms, - It's time for reason to throw up its arms. - I know such words from me may seem strange--though, - Madam, after all, I am not an angel, - And if you condemn the confession I'm making, - Admit nonetheless that your beauty's breath-taking. - From the first time I set eyes on your supreme - Splendor, my heart became yours and you my queen. - The ineffable sweetness of your divine gaze - Shattered my stout heart and set it ablaze. - That look conquered all--fasting, prayers, duty-- - And turned my vows into praise of your beauty. - My eyes and my sighs have often shown my choice - But to make it still clearer I now add my voice. - If you should look down with a kindly eye - Upon the base woes of a slave such as I - And if your great kindness should happen to lead - You to stoop down and grant what I need, - I should always have for you, oh precious one, - A love that beggars all comparison. - With me your honor will never be damaged; - No disgrace can attend an affair I have managed. - All these gallants at court, for whom wives act absurd, - Are reckless in their deeds and rash in their words. - They endlessly brag about every success. - Each favor they receive, they quickly confess, - And their wagging tongues, on which you rely, - Dishonor the shrine before which they lie. - But men like me burn with a discreet fever, - And we keep your sweet secrets safe forever. - The concern we have for our good reputation - Will also preserve you in your own station; - In us you will find, if you wish it, my dear, - Love without scandal, pleasure without fear. -Elmire. I have heard your words, and your rhetoric - Leaves your point clear--though you lay it on thick. - Aren't you afraid that I could be in the mood - To tell my husband of your solicitude, - And that a sudden knowledge of that sort - Might set back your hopes of his lasting support? -Tartuffe. I know that you are only too gracious - And that you will forgive my audacious - Deeds since they spring from a human failing - In that passionate love that you are bewailing, - And that you will reflect when you view things afresh - That I am not blind, and a man's only flesh. -Elmire. Others might take things differently, I suppose, - But discretion prevails, and I won't expose - This matter to my spouse. In return, it's true, - I do want one little favor from you: - To push forward without any sly snare - The wedding of Mariane and Valere, - To renounce on your own the unjust power - That would enrich you with another's dower, - And . . . - -SCENE IV -Elmire, Damis, Tartuffe - -Damis [coming out of the closet in which he was hiding]. No, madam, no. All this must be exposed. - By hiding here I've heard all he proposed, - And God in His goodness has guided me - To confound this noisome bastard's treachery, - To discover a way to take my vengeance - For his hypocrisy and insolence, - To wake up my father, and to justly screw - This scumbag who wants to make love to you. -Elmire. No, Damis. It's enough if he has striven - To reform and merit the pardon I've given. - Don't make me retract what I have avowed. - I don't choose to discuss scandal out loud: - A woman laughs at these masculine foibles, - And never plagues her mate with paltry troubles. -Damis. You have your own reasons for acting so, - And I have reasons for my quid-pro-quo. - The very thought of sparing him is a joke, - And the insolent pride of this base bloke - Has triumphed too often over my just wrath, - And has sown too much trouble along my path. - For too long that liar has ruled my old man - Blocking both my love and that of Mariane. - His perfidy must be brought to light of day, - And for that God gives us a ready way. - For this occasion I thank the good Lord; - It is far too lucky to be ignored. - The only way to deserve to lose it - Is to have it in hand and not to use it. -Elmire. But Damis . . . -Damis. No, please, my mind is made up. - It is time to rejoice and fill up the cup, - And you're trying in vain to obligate me - To give up the pleasure of my victory. - I'm going to expose this affair without delay; - This is just the thing that will make my day. - -SCENE V -Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe, Elmire - -Damis. Father, it may surprise . . . and amuse you greatly . . . - To hear the news of what's gone on lately. - You're being well paid for all your caresses - By your friend's response to those tendernesses. - His great love for you has shown its hold - Through his eagerness to make you a cuckold. - And I heard him here confess to your bride - A love that has made him heart-sick and dove-eyed. - At all costs she wants to remain discreet - And preserve his secret--because she's sweet-- - But I cannot bear the man's impudence - And think that my silence would cause you offense. -Elmire. Yes, I would never disturb my husband's rest - By reporting the words of silly pest. - My honor does not depend on such a thing - Since I'm well able to resist flattering. - You wouldn't have spoken out against my view - If I had any power over you. - -SCENE VI -Orgon, Damis, Tartuffe - -Orgon. What do I hear? Good God! Is it credible? -Tartuffe. Yes, brother, I'm wicked and culpable, - A sorry sinner, full of iniquity, - As great a wretch as there ever could be. - My entire life has been soiled with evil; - It's nothing but a mass of sinful upheaval. - And I see that God has, for my punishment, - Chosen to mortify me with this event. - Let them connect any crime with my name; - I waive all defense and take all the blame. - Believe what they tell you, stoke up your wrath, - And drive me like a felon from your path. - The shame that I bear cannot be too great, - For I know I deserve a much worse fate. -Orgon [to his son]. Traitor! Do you dare, by your duplicity, - To taint both his virtue and purity? -Damis. What? Can the false meekness of this hypocrite - Cause you to belie . . . -Orgon. Shut up, you misfit. -Tartuffe. Oh, let him go on. You are wrong to scold, - And you'd be wise to believe the story he's told. - In light of his claims, why should you favor me? - What do you know of my culpability? - Why put your faith in my exterior? - Why should you think that I'm superior? - No, no, appearances are fooling you, - I am the kind of man you should eschew. - The whole world thinks that I have earned God's blessing, - But the plain truth is . . . that I'm worth nothing. -[Addressing Damis] - Yes, my dear son, speak. And don't merely chide. - Accuse me of treason, theft, and homicide. - Call me every foul name you can recall. - I deny nothing. I merit it all. - And I beg on my knees to bear this chagrin - As the shameful result of my life of sin. -Orgon [To Tartuffe]. That's too much, brother. [To his son] Why can't you let go, - Scoundrel? -Damis. What! Have his words seduced you so . . . -Orgon Keep quiet, you bum! [To Tartuffe]. Brother, please arise. - [To his son]. Shame! -Damis. He can . . . -Orgon. Silence! -Damis. Damn! Do you surmise . . . -Orgon. If you say one word, I will break your arm. -Tartuffe. In the name of God, brother, do no harm. - I would rather face a ravening beast - Than that your dear son should be harmed in the least. -Orgon [to his son]. Ingrate! -Tartuffe. Leave him in peace. On my two knees - I beg you to give him your grace . . . -Orgon [throwing himself to his knees and embracing Tartuffe]. Don't! Please! - [To his son] Wretch, see his goodness. -Damis. Then . . . -Orgon. Shhh! -Damis. I . . . -Orgon. Cease, I say. - I'm aware of your motive in this foray: - You all hate him, and now I see how my wife, - Children, and maid conspire against his life. - You impudently try every trick you can - To alienate me from this holy man, - But the harder you try to drive him away, - The harder I'll try to get him to stay. - And I'll hasten his marriage to Mariane - To demolish the pride of this whole clan. -Damis. So you will force her to marry this fellow? -Orgon. Yes, this very night, to see you bellow. - I defy you all, and stand here to say - I am the master and you must obey. - Come now. Retract your words, oh foul pollution! - Throw yourself down and demand absolution. -Damis. Who, me? Of that villain, by whose pretense . . . -Orgon. So you refuse, you scum, and your impertinence - Persists? [To Tartuffe] A stick! A staff! Don't hold me back. - [To his son] Get out of my house and don't even pack, - And never again let me see your face. -Damis. Yes, I will go, but . . . -Orgon. Quickly! Leave this place. - I am cutting you off and what is worse - I am leaving you with my heart-felt curse. - -SCENE VII -Orgon, Tartuffe - -Orgon. To offend in that way a saintly man! -Tartuffe. Heavenly Lord pardon him if you can. - [To Orgon.] If you only knew with what pain - I see them trying to blacken my name. . . . -Orgon. Alas! -Tartuffe. The mere thought of this ingratitude - Makes me suffer from a torture so crude . . . - The horror I feel . . . My soul longs to cry . . . - I can't even speak, and I'm sure I will die. -Orgon [He runs weeping to the door through which he had chased his son.] Villain! How I regret that I held my hand - And that I did not crush you where you stand. - [To Tartuffe.] Calm yourself, brother and try not to fret. -Tartuffe. Let's stop these squabbles that end in regret. - The great friction I have caused makes me grieve, - And I believe, brother, that I should leave. -Orgon. What? Surely you jest? -Tartuffe. They hate me and I see - That they want you to doubt my integrity. -Orgon. Who cares! Do you think I'll listen to them? -Tartuffe. No doubt they'll continue their stratagem; - And the same tales that you reject today - You may find credible some other day. -Orgon. No, brother, never. -Tartuffe. Ah, brother, a man's mate - Can easily make her spouse speculate. -Orgon. No, no. -Tartuffe. Let me leave here at once and so - Escape the threat of another low blow. -Orgon. No, please remain. I can't live without you. -Tartuffe. Well! I suppose I will suffer if I do. - Still, if you wish . . . -Orgon. Oh! -Tartuffe. All right! It's a pact. - But in future I know how I must act. - Honor is tender, and friendship engages - Me to prevent gossip--however outrageous. - I'll avoid your wife and you will not see me . . . -Orgon. No, in spite of everyone, you and she - Must often meet. I love to make a stir, - So day and night let them see you with her. - No, that's not enough, but this will make them stew: - I don't want to have any heir but you, - And I'm going to legally designate - You as the owner of my whole estate. - A frank and true friend, whom I take as my son, - Is dearer to me than my wife or children. - Will you accept the offer I am making? -Tartuffe. May God's will be done in this undertaking! -Orgon. Poor man! Let's quickly put it all in writing, - And let their envy choke on its own spiting. - - -ACT IV -SCENE I -Cleante, Tartuffe - -Cleante. Yes, the whole town is talking about it, - And they don't think it does you much credit. - And I've sought you out, sir, just for the sake - Of telling you bluntly what I think's at stake. - I'm not going to dredge up the whole dispute; - The fact is Damis is in disrepute. - Supposing that he did act like a fool - And that you are unfairly being called cruel, - Shouldn't a Christian pardon the offense - And purge his soul of desire for vengeance? - And should you permit him, for this one goof, - To be driven away from his father's roof? - I'll tell you again, and I'll be bold: - You are scandalizing both young and old. - If you take my advice, you will seek a truce - And not be a party to this boy's abuse. - Make an offering to God of your acrimony, - And restore the son to his patrimony. -Tartuffe. Alas! As for myself, I seek that solace: - I do not have for him the slightest malice; - I wholly forgive him of any blame, - And long to restore him to his good name. - But in the service of God I can't permit - It, for if he remains I shall have to quit - This house. No prior offense holds a candle - To his. Our meeting would cause a huge scandal. - Lord only knows what people would assume! - They would impute it to cunning, I presume, - And say that my guilt has made me pretend - To excuse him of any intent to offend, - And that I fear him and wish to placate him - As a crafty move in my plan to checkmate him. -Cleante. I think you are making up excuses, - And your arguments, monsieur, seem like ruses. - Must you assume the role of the Deity? - Does He need us to punish the guilty? - Leave it to Him to take care of vengeance; - He bids us to forgive every offense - And not to consider human judgments - When we follow God's sovereign commandments. - What? Should the petty fear of what some may say - Prevent you from doing this good deed today? - No, let us always follow God's commands, - And leave all other matters in His hands. -Tartuffe. I've told you already that I forgive - Him, and that, sir, is God's directive. - But after such scandal and vituperation - God doesn't demand our cohabitation. -Cleante. And does He demand that you lend your hand - To the pure caprice of the father's command, - And accept the gift of his whole estate - Which you cannot justly appropriate? -Tartuffe. Those who know me will not believe that I'd - Do anything selfish or unjustified. - I hold worldly goods in quite low esteem. - I can't be dazzled by their phony gleam. - And if in the end I decide to take - The gift that the father wishes to make, - It is only, I swear, because I fear - That it could be left to a false profiteer, - Or that it could be shared by those who would - Use it to do evil rather than good, - And who would not use it, as I'm sure I can, - For the glory of God and one's fellow man. -Cleante. Oh, sir! Don't put on that scrupulous air - While your actions injure a rightful heir. - Don't feel uneasy or risk your good health - By fretting about the perils of his wealth. - It is better spent on a young man's whim - Than that you be accused of defrauding him. - I only wonder why you aren't ashamed - By this proposal in which you are named. - In true religion is there some dictum - That says it's okay to make an heir your victim? - And if God has put some obstacle in place - Against you and Damis sharing the same space, - Wouldn't you prefer to be more discrete - And leave this house in a noble retreat - Than to sit and see the son of the house - Thrust from his home like a beggarly louse. - Believe me, it would prove your probity, - Monsieur, . . . -Tartuffe. It is now, Monsieur, half past three: - Certain religious rites demand my presence, - And you must excuse me for my absence. [He leaves.] -Cleante. Ah! - -SCENE II -Elmire, Mariane, Dorine, Cleante - -Dorine [to Cleante]. Please, sir, help us help her, for pity's sake. - Her suffering is such that her heart may break, - And the pact her father made this evening - Is the cause of all this awful grieving. - Here he comes. Let's join forces, I beg you, - And try through skill or cunning to undo - The vicious scheme that's left us all so troubled. - -Scene 3 -Orgon, Elmire, Mariane, Cleante, Dorine - -Orgon. Ah! I'm pleased to see you all assembled. - [To Mariane] This contract here should make you very gay; - I'm sure you know what I'm about to say. -Mariane [kneeling]. In the name of God, who knows how I hurt, - And of everything which might move your heart, - Forgo, for now, the rights of paternity - And release me from my vow of docility. - Do not reduce me by some brutal rule - To asking God why you've grown so cruel. - And this life, alas, that you gave to me-- - Do not make it a life of misery. - If, contrary to all my sweet hopes of - Joy, you forbid me to wed the man I love, - Hear me at least--on my knees I implore - You not to give me to a man I abhor, - And don't push me past the point of despair - By using your full force in this affair. -Orgon [to himself, sensing himself weakening]. Be firm. This is no time for humanity! -Mariane. Your fondness for him doesn't bother me. - Indulge it, and if it's not enough to consign - Your whole estate to him--then give him mine! - I freely consent and will sign on demand, - But please, please, do not offer him my hand, - And allow me to live in a convent where I - May count the sad days till God lets me die. -Orgon. Young girls always play such religious pranks - When their fathers hobble their lusty flanks! - Get up! The harder you have to work to bear it, - The greater the virtue and the merit. - Let this marriage mortify your senses - And quit bothering me with your meek defenses. -Dorine. But . . . -Orgon. Keep quiet, and stay out of this matter. - I completely forbid you to add to the chatter. -Cleante. If you will allow me to offer some advice . . . -Orgon. Brother, your advice is worth any price: - It is thoughtful and I truly respect it, - But I hope you don't mind if I reject it. -Elmire [to her husband]. What can I think about what you're saying - Except that your blindness is quite dismaying! - You must be besotted and led astray - To refuse to believe what has happened today. -Orgon. My dear, I only call 'em as I see 'em. - You favor my son, that worthless young bum, - And I think that you are afraid to condemn - His dirty trick on this most saintly of men. - You are, in fact, too calm to be believed; - You ought to have seemed a bit more aggrieved. -Elmire. When a love-sick man makes a foolish mistake - Must we take up arms as if honor's at stake? - And should we always respond to small slips - With fire in our eyes and abuse on our lips? - For myself, I laugh at these signs of lust; - It doesn't please me at all to grow nonplussed. - I seek wisdom tempered with charity, - And I'm not one of those prudes whose asperity - Is such that they fight for virtue tooth and nail, - And scratch a man's eyes out for being male. - Heaven preserve me from that kind of virtue! - I am an honest wife, but not a shrew, - And I believe that a calm, icy glance - Is quite enough to rebuff an advance. -Orgon. I know what I know and I won't change my mind. -Elmire. I'm again amazed that you could be so blind. - But would you keep that incredulity - If I made you see that we have spoken truly? -Orgon. See? -Elmire. Yes. -Orgon. Fantasy! -Elmire. But if I found a way - To make you see it all in light of day? -Orgon. Fairy tales! -Elmire. What a man! At least reply. - I don't ask you to believe me, but I - Do wonder what you will say of your good man - If I bring you to a place where you can - Clearly see and hear these things? What then? -Orgon. In that case I would say . . . nothing again, - For it cannot be. -Elmire. You've been blind too long, - And in calling me a liar, you're wrong! - So for your pleasure, but with modesty, - I'll make you witness my veracity. -Orgon. Good. I take you at your word. Now let's see - How in the world you will prove this to me. -Elmire [to Dorine]. Bid him come to me. -Dorine [to Elmire]. He's a crafty one - And perhaps he won't easily be undone. -Elmire [to Dorine]. No, we're easily duped by our affection, - And vanity aids in our misdirection. - [Speaking to Cleante and Mariane] Send him down here to me. And you can go. - -SCENE IV -Elmire, Orgon - -Elmire. Bring the table here, and then crouch down low. -Orgon. Why? -Elmire. Hiding you well is to be desired. -Orgon. Why under the table? -Elmire. Just do what's required! - I've made my plans and we'll see how they fare! - Get under the table, and when you're down there, - Don't let him see you and try not to grunt. -Orgon. I really think I'm far too tolerant, - But I'll stay through the end of your stratagem. -Elmire. You won't, I'm sure, have a thing to condemn. - [To her husband, who is now under the table.] - Mind you, I'm going to have strange things to say - And you must not be shocked in any way. - Whatever I may say, you must allow; - I only wish to convince you, anyhow. - I'm going to use sex, since I'm reduced to it, - To strip off the cloak of this hypocrite; - I'll stoke up the fires of his insolent heart - And give a free field to this base upstart. - For your sake and to deepen his disrepute - I'm going to pretend to welcome his suit. - I'll quit just as soon as you've heard enough. - Things needn't go farther than you wish, my love. - And you must stop them from becoming bizarre - When you think his mad love has gone too far. - Spare your wife and don't leave me in his hands - Longer than reaching your conviction demands. - This is your concern and you are in command. - Here he comes. Keep still! Keep down! Understand? - -SCENE V -Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon (under the table) - -Tartuffe. You wish to speak with me in here, I'm told. -Elmire. Yes. I now have some secrets to unfold, - But shut the door before I say a word - And look around--we mustn't be overheard. - [Tartuffe closes the door and returns.] - I don't want another fracas to ensue - Like the one that overtook us hitherto. - Never before have I been so dismayed! - Damis startled me and made me afraid - For you. You must have seen that I did my best - To disrupt his plan and soothe his unrest. - It is true that I was so filled with shame - That I never thought of denying his claim, - But by the grace of God, I'm nearly sure - All is for the best and we're now more secure. - The prestige of your name has dispelled the storm, - And my husband will never suspect you of harm. - Defying those with rumors to foment, - He wants us together at every moment. - And that is why without blame I can - Be alone with you although you're a man, - And that allows me to open my heart - Willingly to the sweet thoughts you impart. -Tartuffe. I find it odd that you have kind words to say; - Earlier you treated me in a different way. -Elmire. Ah! If you're angry about that rebuff, - You know nothing about a woman's love! - And how little you know about our intent - If you think a weak defense is really meant! - At such times our modesty must contend - With the tender feelings that triumph in the end. - No matter how strongly you make love's claim, - In embracing it we always feel some shame. - We resist at first, but in our faces - It's clear that we'll soon yield to your embraces. - Our words and our wishes are often opposed: - A refusal may mean we accept what's proposed. - No doubt I am making too free a confession - And I may be committing an indiscretion, - But since my attempt at silence has gone awry, - Ask yourself why I sought to pacify - Damis, and what made me listen so long - And so kindly to your sweet love song? - Would I have reacted as you saw me do - If the offer of your heart didn't please me too? - And what should you be able to conclude - From my fervent desire to preclude - The marriage that has been announced just now? - Isn't it that I'd hate for a wedding vow - To come between us, and that I care for you - And want nothing at all to split us in two? -Tartuffe. There is no pleasure in Heaven above - Sweeter than such words from the lips I love; - Their honeyed sound flows richly through my senses - With the sweetness of the purest essences. - The pleasure of pleasing you is my one goal, - And my heart finds happiness in that role, - But that heart also takes the slight liberty - Of daring to doubt this felicity. - Perhaps these sweet words are a decorous ruse - Designed to disrupt my hymeneal news; - And, if I may speak quite freely with you, - I won't believe that all you say is true - Until I'm assured that you couldn't lie - By a few of those favors for which I sigh. - Such favors would make me your devotee - And a true believer in your fondness for me. -Elmire [she coughs to warn her husband]. Do you demand to push on with such great speed, - And drain my heart dry by your burning need? - I risk my life in proclaiming my love, - And for you even that is not enough! - Can't you be satisfied with what I say? - Must you force me into going all the way? -Tartuffe. The less one merits, the more one desires. - Mere words will never quench our raging fires. - A promised gift is often suspected; - We rarely believe it, until we inspect it. - I, who so little merit your favors, - Doubt the happy outcome of my labors. - And I will not believe a thing, my dear, - Until you ease my pain to prove you're sincere. -Elmire. Good God, your love is too oppressive; - It troubles my soul and becomes obsessive! - What a crazy power it has on the heart! - With what fierce passion it tears me apart! - What! Is there no way to stave off your desire? - Won't you give me a moment to respire? - Do you think it is fair to be so firm, - To demand everything and watch me squirm, - To take what you want, pushing and pressing, - And abusing my weakness in acquiescing? -Tartuffe. If you look on me with a kindly heart, - Then prove how you feel by playing your part. -Elmire. But how can I give you the things you seek - Without offending that God of whom you speak? -Tartuffe. If it's only God that opposes my desire, - I'll think up a way to make him conspire, - And that need not restrain your heart, my dear. -Elmire. But the decrees of God scare me to tears. -Tartuffe. I can dispel your foolish fears, madame, - For I know the art of quashing each qualm. - Though God forbids certain gratifications, - With him one can reach one's accommodations. - It is a science to stretch out the strings - Of conscience in the service of diverse things - And to rectify an evil action - With the purity of our intention. - Regarding these secrets, I shall instruct you; - You need only allow me to conduct you. - Satisfy my desire and have no fear; - I'll assume the sin and leave your soul clear. - [Elmire coughs more loudly.] - That's quite a cough, madame. -Elmire. Yes, it's a torment. -Tartuffe [offering Elmire a piece of candy]. Would it help to have a licorice or mint? -Elmire. It's an obstinate illness, and I see - That all the mints in the world won't help me -Tartuffe. It's certainly troublesome. -Elmire. That's for sure! -Tartuffe. Your scruples at least are easy to cure: - You can be sure that I will keep things quiet-- - A deed is evil only if men spy it. - The noise of scandal is the source of offense; - There is no sin if one sins in silence. -Elmire [after having coughed and knocked on the table]. At last I see I'm forced to go astray, - And I must consent to let you have your way, - And that I cannot hope that short of the deed - You will be content and willing to concede. - It is very hard to be forced to do it, - And in spite of myself to stoop down to it; - But since you persist in making me obey, - Since you refuse to believe what I say, - And since you demand more convincing proof, - I'll have to give in and quit acting aloof. - If this action causes anyone grief, - The blame be on him who refused all relief. - The fault most certainly is none of mine. -Tartuffe. Yes, madame, I agree and that is fine . . . -Elmire. Peek out of the door and see, I beg you, - If my spouse is spying on our rendezvous. -Tartuffe. Why do you care what he sees or where he goes? - He's a man who loves to be led by the nose. - Our trysts are something he's proud of achieving, - And he'd watch us go to it without believing. -Elmire. No matter. Please, go have a look outside; - I'd hate to think he's found some place to hide. - -SCENE VI -Orgon, Elmire - - Orgon [coming out from under the table]. There, I swear, is an abominable man! - I can't get over it. What is his plan? -Elmire. How now? Come out so soon? Were you having fun? - Get back down there. We've only just begun. - Wait till the end to be completely sure, - And don't put your faith in mere conjecture. -Orgon. No man more evil has been spawned in Hell. -Elmire. Dear Lord! Don't believe the lies people tell. - Be wholly convinced before you concede: - Cautious men shun the slips that come with speed. - [She pushes her husband behind her.] - -SCENE VII -Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon - -Tartuffe [without seeing Orgon]. All things conspire, madame, for my contentment: - I've closely examined the whole apartment; - No one is around, and my heart's delight. . . - [Just as Tartuffe comes forward with open arms to embrace Elmire, she steps back and Tartuffe sees Orgon.] -Orgon [stopping him]. Hold on! Your desires are too quick to ignite, - And you mustn't let passion be overdone. - Oh! Man of blessings, you wished to give me one! - How temptation has taken over your life! - You'd marry my daughter, and covet my wife! - I've doubted your word for quite a long while, - And I've always believed you'd change your style; - But this is enough to give me my proof: - I am fed up and want no more, Tartuffe. -Elmire [to Tartuffe]. It was against my will to act this way, - But I was forced into the part I play. -Tartuffe [to Orgon]. What? You think . . . -Orgon. Come, please, let's have no to-do. - Get out of my home without more ado. -Tartuffe. My intent . . . -Orgon. This is no time for sly repartee; - You must leave my house immediately. -Tartuffe. You must leave, you who speak as the master: - The house is mine, and you'd better learn fast or - I will show you that it's senseless to pick - A fight with me using this cowardly trick, - That it will get you nowhere to insult me, - And that I will punish your falsity, - Avenge God's wounds, and make you grieve - For talking here about forcing me to leave. - -SCENE VIII -Elmire, Orgon - -Elmire. What is he saying and what is he after? -Orgon. I'm ashamed to say this is no time for laughter. -Elmire. Why? -Orgon. I see my error by what he said; - I gave him my lands. Something's wrong with my head! -Elmire. You gave him . . . -Orgon. Yes and they can't be restored, - But there's something else that troubles me more. -Elmire. What is that? -Orgon. I'll tell you soon, but first there's - A certain box I want to find upstairs. - -ACT V -SCENE I -Orgon, Cleante - -Cleante. Where are you rushing? -Orgon. Who knows? -Cleante. It might make sense - To begin by having a conference - About everything that has happened lately. -Orgon. That box of papers troubles me greatly; - More than all the rest, it's cause for distress. -Cleante. Why are those papers important to possess? -Orgon. My unfortunate friend Argus, when he - Put them into my hands, swore me to secrecy. - He chose to rely on me as he fled, - And these papers, according to what he said, - Are crucial to both his life and his wealth. -Cleante. Then why didn't you keep them to yourself? -Orgon. It was a matter of conscience, you see, - So I consulted Tartuffe in secrecy, - And his arguments came to persuade me - That he should keep the box for security, - So I could deny having it on hand. - And thus I'd have a subterfuge on demand - With which my conscience might muddle through - In swearing to things that I knew weren't true. -Cleante. You're in trouble, judging by appearances; - Both the deed of gift and these confidences - Are, to tell you my thoughts quite honestly, - Measures that you took very thoughtlessly. - They might put you in jail with such evidence, - And since that man has it, it makes no sense - To drive him away through your imprudence, - You need to regain his full confidence. -Orgon. With what a fair appearance and touching zeal - He hides a wicked soul and a heart of steel! - And I, who received him begging and broke . . . - That's it, I renounce all such pious folk. - Henceforth, I will hold them as wholly evil - And do my best to send them to the devil. -Cleante. It's just like you to get carried away! - You can never stick to the middle way. - To reason rightly is too much bother; - You always rush from one excess to another. - You can see your error and now you know - That by a false zeal you were brought low. - But to redeem yourself does logic demand - That you embrace an error that's even more grand? - And must you confuse the heart of a shill - With the hearts of all the men of good will? - Because a rascal had the luck or grace - To dupe you with his austere and shining face, - Must you believe everyone acts that way - And no true church-man can be found today? - Leave to libertines these foolish deductions. - Seek true virtue, not a false deconstruction. - Never rush into hasty admiration, - And strive instead for moderation. - If possible, don't admire false pretense, - But also don't give true zeal cause for offense, - And if you must fall to one extreme, - Err in being too free with your esteem. - -SCENE II -Damis, Orgon, Cleante - -Damis. Father, is it true that this cad threatens you, - That he has forgotten the gifts that bound you two, - And that his shameful pride, maddeningly, - Has repaid your kindness with tyranny? -Orgon. Yes, son; he's brought me to the verge of tears. -Damis. Leave him to me. I'll cut off his ears. - You must not flinch before his insolence - For I'll soon restore your independence, - And, to end the matter, I'll slice him like toast. -Cleante. That's exactly like a bratty boy's boast. - Please make your angry words more moderate. - We live during a time and in a state - Where violent acts are clearly unlawful. - -SCENE III -Madame Pernelle, Mariane, Elmire, Dorine, Damis, Orgon, Cleante - -Madame Pernelle. What's happening? The tales I'm told are awful. -Orgon. Novel things have been happening to me, - And for all my kindness, this is my fee. - I lift the man out of his misery; - Like a brother, I take him home with me; - Each day I treat him with greater largesse; - I give him my daughter and all I possess; - And at the same time the lying low-life - Looks for the best way to seduce my wife, - And, not fully content with what he's achieved, - He threatens me with the gifts he's received, - And he wishes to use, in ruining me, - Those profits he gained from my foolish bounty - To drive me from the home that I gave to him - And reduce me to the state that he was in. -Dorine. Poor man! -Madame Pernelle. Son, I don't believe he'd allow - Himself to take part in actions so foul. -Orgon. How's that? -Madame Pernelle. People always resent holy men. -Orgon. Mother, what were you trying to say just then? -Madame Pernelle. That in your home one sees the strangest things; - Among them is the hate that envy brings. -Orgon. How is it hate when I've told you the truth? -Madame Pernelle. I warned you often when you were a youth: - In this world virtue is oppressed forever; - The envious may die, but envy never. -Orgon. But what does this have to do with today? -Madame Pernelle. People are telling you lies and hearsay. -Orgon. I've already said that I myself saw it. -Madame Pernelle. The malice of gossips is infinite. -Orgon. You'll make me damn myself, Mother. I tell you - I saw with my eyes just what he would do. -Madame Pernelle. Some tongues always have some poison to spit, - And nothing on earth is safe against it. -Orgon. I do not know what these words of yours mean. - I've seen it, I say, seen, with these eyes seen-- - Do you know the word, seen? Must I shout it - In your ears a hundred times and still you doubt it? -Madame Pernelle. Dear Lord! Appearances may be deceiving: - You shouldn't judge based on what you're perceiving. -Orgon. I'll go mad! -Madame Pernelle. People are prone to suspicion; - Misjudgment is part of the human condition. -Orgon. So I must interpret charitably - His desire to cuckold me? -Madame Pernelle. Don't you see - That to accuse a man you need just cause, - And until you're quite sure, you ought to pause. -Orgon. To be more certain, what would you advise? - Should I have waited until before my eyes - He had . . . You'll make me say something quite lewd. -Madame Pernelle. I'm sure that a holy zeal has imbued - His soul, and I can't begin to believe - That he would be willing to cheat or deceive. -Orgon. Leave me . . . I'm now so angry that if you - Were not my mother, I'm not sure what I'd do. -Dorine [to Orgon]. This is fair payment, sir, for what we received. - You wouldn't believe us; now you're not believed. -Cleante. We are wasting time on foolish pleasures - That would be better spent in active measures. - We should not ignore this swindler's threats. -Damis. What! Does his boldness have no boundaries yet? -Elmire. For myself, I don't believe it's possible; - His ingratitude would be too visible. -Cleante [to Orgon]. Don't put your faith in that. He will find ways - To gild with reason all the things he says; - And with less than this the people in power - Have forced their foes to cringe and cower. - I tell you again: well-armed as they are, - You should never have pushed him quite so far. -Orgon. True, but what could I do? Facing that bastard, - I felt resentment that I never mastered. -Cleante. I deeply desire to arrange between you - Some shadow of peace, however untrue. -Elmire. If I had known that he possessed such arms, - I would never have set off these alarms, - And my . . . -Orgon [to Dorine, seeing Monsieur Loyal enter]. What does this man want? Go and see. - I don't wish to have anyone meet with me! - -SCENE IV -Monsieur Loyal, Madame Pernelle, Orgon, Damis, Mariane, Dorine, Elmire, Cleante - -Monsieur Loyal [to Dorine]. Hello, my dear sister. Could you please see - If your master is in? -Dorine. He has company, - And I doubt he'll be able to see you now. -Monsieur Loyal. I have not come here to cause a row. - I don't think that my presence will displease - Him; I come, in fact, to put him at ease. -Dorine. Your name? -Monsieur Loyal. Tell him only that I've come here - For Monsieur Tartuffe, and to give him cheer. -Dorine [to Orgon]. It's a man who has come quite civilly, - On behalf of Monsieur Tartuffe, to see, - He says, to your pleasure. -Cleante [to Orgon]. You'd best find out - Who he is and what he has come here about. -Orgon [to Cleante]. Perhaps he has come here to reconcile us. - How should I act and what should we discuss? -Cleante. Don't let any of your anger appear, - And if he speaks of a deal, make him be clear. -Monsieur Loyal [to Orgon]. Greetings, sir. May God destroy all your foes - And favor you as much as I propose! -Orgon [aside to Cleante]. This civil start meets my approbation - And foreshadows some accommodation. -Monsieur Loyal. At one time I was your father's employee, - And this whole house is very dear to me. -Orgon. I ask your pardon, sir, but to my shame - I'm totally ignorant of your name. -Monsieur Loyal. My name is Loyal. I come from Normandy. - I'm the bailiff here, in spite of envy. - For the last forty years, thanks be to God, - I've done my duty and retained by job. - And I've come to you, with your permission, - To serve this notice of your eviction. -Orgon. What! You're here . . . -Monsieur Loyal. Let's have no irritation. - This is nothing more than notification, - An order to evict both you and yours, - Put your furniture out and lock the doors, - Without pardon or delay to fulfill . . . -Orgon. Me! Leave this place? -Monsieur Loyal. Yes, monsieur, if you will. - This house now belongs, I have ample proof, - To your very good friend, Monsieur Tartuffe. - He is master and lord of all your wealth - By virtue of a deed he showed me himself. - It is in due form and cannot be doubted. -Damis [to Monsieur Loyal]. What impudence! I'm amazed about it. -Monsieur Loyal [to Damis]. You and I, sir, have no business and you'd - Best leave things to this man [pointing to Orgon], who's civil and shrewd, - And knows too well the duties of my office - To wish to oppose himself to justice. -Orgon. But . . . -Monsieur Loyal [to Orgon]. I know that not even a million - Dollars would make you cause a rebellion, - And that you will be an honest citizen - And let me fulfill the orders I'm given. -Damis. You may soon feel upon your black soutane, - Monsieur Bailiff, the heavy weight of this cane. -Monsieur Loyal [to Orgon]. Command your son to be quiet or depart, - Monsieur; I would regret to have to report - All this and make these matters more official. -Damis [aside]. This Monsieur Loyal seems quite disloyal! -Monsieur Loyal. For all worthy men there's a place in my heart, - And I would not have wished, sir, to take part - In this, except to lift some of your burden, - By preventing the chore from falling to one - Who might not share my opinion of you - And who wouldn't proceed as gently as I do. -Orgon. And what could be worse than the evil crime - Of evicting me? -Monsieur Loyal. I'm giving you time, - And until morning I'll hold in abeyance - The execution of this conveyance. - I shall only come here with ten of my boys - To spend the night, without scandal or noise. - For the sake of form please bring to me, before - You go up to bed, the keys to your door. - I'll take care not to disrupt your repose - And not to do anything you would oppose. - But tomorrow morning you must get set - To empty the house, down to the last brochette. - My boys will assist you. Each one's a strong lout - And will do all he can to help move you out. - I'm doing my best to use common sense, - And, since I'm treating you with such indulgence, - I beg you, sir, to act the same way to me. - Let no one bar me from doing my duty. -Orgon [aside]. With a happy heart I would at once pay - The last hundred francs that are mine today - For the power and pleasure of hitting his snout - With one absolutely sensational clout. -Cleante [quietly, to Orgon]. Go easy, don't make things worse. -Damis. My hand itches - To get in a fight with these sons of bitches. -Dorine. Monsieur Loyal, I think it might become you - To have your broad back beaten black and blue. -Monsieur Loyal. These wicked words deserve condemnation, - And women, too, may earn incarceration. -Cleante [to Monsieur Loyal]. Let's end it now; that's enough for today. - Hand over the paper, and be on your way. -Monsieur Loyal. Until later, then. Heaven keep you in joy! -Orgon. May it confound you, and your employer! - -SCENE V -Orgon, Cleante, Mariane, Elmire, Madame Pernelle, Dorine, Damis - -Orgon. There! You now see, mother, that I was right, - And you can judge of the rest by this writ. - Do you admit at last that he can lie? -Madame Pernelle. It's as if a bolt has struck from the sky. -Dorine [to Orgon]. You're wrong to complain, and wrong to blame him. - These things show the grand plans of your seraphim. - His neighborly love finds consummation - In proving that wealth causes degradation, - And from pure charity he wants to remove - Every obstacle between you and God's love. -Orgon. Shut up. . . . I'm always saying that to you. -Cleante [to Orgon]. Let us consider what we ought to do. -Elmire. We must expose this man's insolent acts. - His deeds invalidate all the contracts. - And his disloyalty will seem too plain - If he tries to use them for personal gain. - -SCENE VI -Valere, Orgon, Cleante, Elmire, Mariane, Madame Pernelle, Damis, Dorine - -Valere. I'm sorry, sir, that I've come to distress you; - But certain dangers may soon oppress you. - A friend, whose love for me is deep and true - And who knows how much I care about you, - Has had enough courage to violate - The secrecy of affairs of state - And has just now sent me word that you might - Be well-advised to take sudden flight. - The villain who has been imposing on you - Has gone to the Prince to accuse you too, - And put into his hands, like a blade of hate, - The vital papers of a traitor of State, - Which he says that you've kept in secrecy - Despite the duties of aristocracy. - I don't know the details of the alleged crime, - But a warrant against you has been signed, - And he himself is assigned to assist - Those who will soon come to make the arrest. -Cleante. Now his claims are well-armed; and the ingrate - Seeks to become master of your estate. -Orgon. I swear, that man is a vile animal! -Valere. The slightest trifling could well be fatal. - My coach is right here to take you away - With a thousand louis that I've pledged to pay. - Don't lose any time; the arrow has sped, - And this is one blow that ought to be fled. - I myself will guide you to a safe place - And will stay with you to be sure there's no chase. -Orgon. I owe you much for your solicitude! - But there isn't time for my gratitude, - And I pray to God to grant what I need - So that one day I may repay this good deed. - Farewell. The rest of you take care . . . -Cleante. Go on. - We'll look after everything when you're gone. - -Final Scene -Police Officer, Tartuffe, Valere, Orgon, Elmire, Mariane, Madame Pernelle, Cleante, Damis, Dorine - -Tartuffe [stopping Orgon]. Slowly, slowly, sir. You needn't run there. - You won't have to go far to hide in your lair. - In the Prince's name we will shackle you fast. -Orgon. Traitor, you've kept this final shaft for last. - This is the blow with which you dispatch me, - And this is what crowns all your perfidy. -Tartuffe. Your scorn causes me scant irritation; - I bear it as a holy obligation. -Cleante. This is scant sign of your moderation. -Damis. How impudently the wretch mocks veneration! -Tartuffe. None of your outbursts mean a thing to me, - For I think of nothing but doing my duty. -Mariane. Your pretense to honor is all a fake, - And this is just the right job for you to take. -Tartuffe. The task can only shower me with grace - Since our Prince's command has sent me to this place. -Orgon. But don't you recall how my charity - Raised you, you ingrate, from your misery? -Tartuffe. Yes, I know that I once received assistance, - But my duty to the Prince demands this persistence: - 'Tis a sacred duty of such fortitude - That it has suppressed all my gratitude, - And I would sacrifice to this powerful force - Friends, wife, parents, and myself, of course. -Elmire. The hypocrite! -Dorine. How well he can create - A treacherous cloak from all we venerate! -Cleante. But if this zeal which drives you and with which - You plume yourself lifts you to a holy niche, - Why is it that it didn't come to life - Until after he caught you with his wife, - And why did you only denounce him today - After honor made him chase you away? - I don't claim that the gift of all his estates - Ought to distract you from duty's dictates, - But if you planned to reveal his treason here, - Why were you willing to take his wealth back there? -Tartuffe [to the Officer]. From all this noise, sir, please deliver me, - And be so kind as to enforce your decree. -Police Officer. Yes, I've been rather slow to issue it. - Your own mouth aptly invites me to do it; - And so it will be done if you will come - Straight to the jail that will be your new home. -Tartuffe. Who? Me, sir? -Police Officer. Yes, you. -Tartuffe. But why to prison? -Police Office. I need not explain to you my reason. - [To Orgon.] Calm yourself, sir, after passions of such heat. - We're ruled by a Prince who's a foe to deceit, - A Prince whose eyes can read what the soul has writ, - And who can't be fooled by a hypocrite. - Blessed with a fine discernment, his great heart - Always sees the whole picture, not just each part. - Nothing can drive him to exaggeration; - His firm reason clings to moderation. - He confers on men of worth immortal glory; - But that zeal is not blind or peremptory, - And his love for what's true does not turn his eye - From the power of falseness to horrify. - This man here was unable to entrap him; - His defenses are sound when such snares enwrap him. - From the start, he pierced with his perceptive sight - Through the veils that hid this evil from light. - Tartuffe betrayed himself by accusing you, - And, in divine justice, revealed his true - Colors to the Prince as an infamous cad - Whose deeds under another name were so bad - That the record they made was wholly black - And Satan might use them as his almanac. - In short, this king was revolted to see - His ingratitude to you and disloyalty; - To his other crimes, he has joined this one - And has only allowed it so everyone - Could see his audacity's evil ends - And then see him required to make amends. - All your papers, which the wretch has pawed through, - Are here taken away and returned to you. - With his sovereign power he will abrogate - The contract by which you gave away your estate, - And finally he pardons that secret offense - Which you once committed through benevolence. - This is the reward for the courage you showed - In support of his rights in the late episode, - And to demonstrate that, when least expected, - One's past deeds may be recollected, - That he will never forget a good deed, - And that good outweighs evil in time of need. -Dorine. Heaven be praised! -Madame Pernelle. We're no longer distressed. -Elmire. What a happy ending! -Mariane. Who could have guessed? -Orgon [to Tartuffe, who the Officer is leading away]. Good. There you go, traitor . . . -Cleante. Ah! Brother, cease, - And don't degenerate to indignities. - Leave to himself this miserable clown, - And don't add to the remorse that weighs him down. - Hope instead that his heart may one day - Make a happy return to the virtuous way, - That he'll reform his life and lament his past, - And cause our great Prince to temper justice at last. - You should throw yourself on your knees in praise - Of the kindness and lenience shown these days. -Orgon. Yes, that's well said. Let us kneel down with joy - And praise the kind deeds of his envoy. - Then, having acquitted part of our duty, - Let's turn to address the claims of beauty, - And by a fine wedding crown in Valere - A lover who's both generous and sincere. - -THE END - - - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TARTUFFE *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ -concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, -and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following -the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use -of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for -copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very -easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation -of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project -Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away--you may -do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected -by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark -license, especially commercial redistribution. - -START: FULL LICENSE - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project -Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full -Project Gutenberg™ License available with this file or online at -www.gutenberg.org/license. - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg™ -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or -destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in your -possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a -Project Gutenberg™ electronic work and you do not agree to be bound -by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the -person or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph -1.E.8. - -1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg™ electronic works if you follow the terms of this -agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the -Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection -of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works. Nearly all the individual -works in the collection are in the public domain in the United -States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the -United States and you are located in the United States, we do not -claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing, -displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as -all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope -that you will support the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting -free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg™ -works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the -Project Gutenberg™ name associated with the work. You can easily -comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the -same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg™ License when -you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are -in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, -check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this -agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, -distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any -other Project Gutenberg™ work. The Foundation makes no -representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any -country other than the United States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other -immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg™ License must appear -prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg™ work (any work -on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the -phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed, -performed, viewed, copied or distributed: - - This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and - most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no - restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it - under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this - eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the - United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where - you are located before using this eBook. - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is -derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not -contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the -copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in -the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are -redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project -Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply -either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or -obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg™ -trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg™ electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any -additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms -will be linked to the Project Gutenberg™ License for all works -posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the -beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg™ -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg™. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg™ License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including -any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access -to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg™ work in a format -other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official -version posted on the official Project Gutenberg™ website -(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense -to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means -of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain -Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the -full Project Gutenberg™ License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg™ works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works -provided that: - -• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg™ works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed - to the owner of the Project Gutenberg™ trademark, but he has - agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid - within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are - legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty - payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project - Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in - Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg - Literary Archive Foundation.” - -• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™ - License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all - copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue - all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™ - works. - -• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of - any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of - receipt of the work. - -• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project -Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than -are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing -from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of -the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set -forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project -Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may -contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate -or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other -intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or -other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or -cannot be read by your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right -of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium -with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you -with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in -lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person -or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second -opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If -the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing -without further opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO -OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT -LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of -damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement -violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the -agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or -limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or -unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the -remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in -accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the -production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™ -electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, -including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of -the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this -or any Project Gutenberg™ work, (b) alteration, modification, or -additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg™ work, and (c) any -Defect you cause. - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg™ - -Project Gutenberg™ is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of -computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It -exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations -from people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg™’s -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg™ collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg™ and future -generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see -Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at -www.gutenberg.org. - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by -U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws. - -The Foundation’s business office is located at 809 North 1500 West, -Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887. Email contact links and up -to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website -and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact. - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without -widespread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND -DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular -state visit www.gutenberg.org/donate. - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To -donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate. - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg™ electronic works - -Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project -Gutenberg™ concept of a library of electronic works that could be -freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and -distributed Project Gutenberg™ eBooks with only a loose network of -volunteer support. - -Project Gutenberg™ eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in -the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not -necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper -edition. - -Most people start at our website which has the main PG search -facility: www.gutenberg.org. - -This website includes information about Project Gutenberg™, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. |