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+The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Wedding Day, Edited by John Fletcher Hurst
+
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+
+
+
+Title: The Wedding Day
+       The Service--The Marriage Certificate--Words of Counsel
+
+
+Editor: John Fletcher Hurst
+
+Release Date: January 5, 2008  [eBook #24171]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
+
+
+***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WEDDING DAY***
+
+
+E-text prepared by Eileen Gormly, Norbert H. Langkau, Daryl Hrdlicka, and
+the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+(https://www.pgdp.net)
+
+
+
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+
+Transcriber's Notes:
+
+      Text that is handwritten in the original is surrounded by
+      tildes (~).
+
+      The second signature on the "Witnesses" page is too faint
+      in the original to be readable.
+
+
+
+
+
+THE WEDDING DAY.
+
+The Service--The Marriage Certificate--Words of Counsel.
+
+Edited by
+
+JOHN F. HURST, D.D., LL.D.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+Buffalo:
+H. H. Otis.
+1889.
+
+Copyright, 1888, by
+H. H. OTIS
+Buffalo, N. Y.
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+                                              Page
+
+   FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY,      5
+
+   CERTIFICATE,                                 13
+
+   WITNESSES,                                   14
+
+   THE NEW HOME,                                15
+
+   THE HOME ALTAR,                              21
+
+   THE HOME BEAUTIFUL,                          28
+
+   GOOD READING AT HOME,                        32
+
+   FORBEARANCE,                                 37
+
+   THE YESTERDAYS OF HOME,                      44
+
+
+
+
+FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY.
+
+
+[THE PARTS IN BRACKETS THROUGHOUT MAY BE USED OR NOT, AT DISCRETION.]
+
+_At the day and time appointed for the Solemnization of Matrimony, the
+  persons to be married--having been qualified according to law--standing
+  together, the Man on the right hand and the Woman on the left, the
+  Minister shall say:_
+
+Dearly beloved: we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and
+in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this
+woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God
+in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union
+that exists between Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ
+adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he
+wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be
+honorable among all men; and therefore is not by any to be entered into
+unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God.
+
+Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined.
+Therefore, if any can show just cause why they may not lawfully be
+joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his
+peace.
+
+[_And also, speaking unto the persons who are to be married, the
+  Minister shall say:_
+
+I require and charge you both, that if either of you know any impediment
+why you may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, you do now
+confess it; for be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together
+otherwise than God's word doth allow are not joined together by God,
+neither is their Matrimony lawful.]
+
+_If no impediment be alleged, then shall the Minister say unto the Man:_
+
+M. Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together
+after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love
+her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health: and,
+forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall
+live?
+
+_The Man shall answer:_
+
+                                I will.
+
+_Then shall the Minister say unto the Woman:_
+
+N. Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together
+after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love,
+honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health: and, forsaking all
+other, keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live?
+
+_The Woman shall answer:_
+
+                                I will.
+
+[_Then the Minister shall cause the Man with his right hand to take the
+  Woman by her right hand, and to say after him as followeth:_
+
+I _M._ take thee _N._ to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from
+this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
+sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part,
+according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my faith.
+
+_Then shall they loose their hands, and the Woman with her right hand
+  taking the Man by his right hand shall likewise say after the Minister:_
+
+I _N._ take thee _M._ to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from
+this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in
+sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part,
+according to God's holy ordinance: and thereto I plight thee my faith.]
+
+_Then shall the Minister Pray thus:_
+
+O eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all
+spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life: send thy blessing upon
+these thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless in thy name;
+that as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together, so these persons
+may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made, and
+may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according
+to thy laws, through Jesus Christ our Lord. _Amen._
+
+[_If the parties desire it, the Man shall here hand a Ring to the
+  Minister, who shall return it to him, and direct him to place it on the
+  third finger of the Woman's left hand. And the Man shall say to the
+  Woman, repeating after the Minister:_
+
+With this ring I thee wed, and with my worldly goods I thee endow, in
+the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. _Amen._]
+
+_Then shall the Minister join their right hands together, and say:_
+
+Forasmuch as _M._ and _N._ have consented together in holy wedlock, and
+have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have
+pledged their faith either to other, and have declared the same by
+joining of hands; I pronounce that they are husband and wife together,
+in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Those
+whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. _Amen._
+
+_And the Minister shall add this blessing:_
+
+God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve, and keep
+you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and so fill you
+with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together
+in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting.
+_Amen._
+
+_Then shall the Minister offer the following Prayer:_
+
+O God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, bless this man and this
+woman, and sow the seed of eternal life in their hearts, that whatsoever
+in thy holy word they shall profitably learn, they may indeed fulfill
+the same. Look, O Lord, mercifully on them from heaven, and bless them:
+as thou didst send thy blessings upon Abraham and Sarah to their great
+comfort, so vouchsafe to send thy blessings upon this man and this
+woman, that they, obeying thy will, and always being in safety under thy
+protection, may abide in thy love unto their lives' end, through Jesus
+Christ our Lord.
+
+Almighty God, who at the beginning didst create our first parents, Adam
+and Eve, and didst sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour
+upon these persons the riches of thy grace, sanctify and bless them,
+that they may please thee both in body and soul, and live together in
+holy love unto their lives' end. _Amen._
+
+_Here the Minister may use extemporary Prayer._
+
+_Then the Minister shall repeat the Lord's Prayer:_
+
+Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come.
+Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our
+daily bread: and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that
+trespass against us: and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us
+from evil: for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
+forever. _Amen._
+
+[Illustration:
+
+                        This Certifies
+
+    That ~Robert B. Lawrence~
+    of   ~Olean~              State of ~N. Y.~
+    and  ~Maude L. Harvey~
+    of   ~Olean~              State of ~N. Y.~
+
+                    WERE BY ME UNITED IN
+
+                     + HOLY MATRIMONY +
+
+    ACCORDING TO THE ORDINANCE OF GOD AND THE LAWS OF THE
+                     STATE OF ~New York~
+
+    at     ~Home of the bride Olean N. Y.~
+    on the ~Eleventh~         day of ~July-11-1900~
+    in the year of our Lord one thousand
+    ~nine~ hundred ~1900~
+
+                     ~G. R. Harvey~
+                           Minister of the Gospel.]
+
+[Illustration:
+
+        WITNESSES:
+
+    ~Arthur Wright~
+    ~ ...~
+    ~John S. Seivert~
+    ~Jessie Seivert~
+    ~Francis E. Selover,~
+    ~Mr. & Mrs. A J Lawrence~]
+
+
+
+
+THE NEW HOME.
+
+
+The founding of a new home marks an important era in a human life.
+Whether you be poor or wealthy, wise or ignorant, it is all the
+same--you begin a new existence. The associations of childhood and youth
+now undergo a total change. The familiar scenes disappear suddenly.
+Longfellow, in his "Hanging of the Crane," writes the following touching
+words on the eventful day:
+
+    "O fortunate, O happy day,
+    When a new household finds its place
+    Among the myriad homes of earth,
+    Like a new star sprung to birth,
+    And rolled on its harmonious way
+    Into the boundless realms of space!
+
+    .....
+
+    "For two alone, there in the hall,
+    Is spread the table round and small;
+    Upon the polished silver shine
+    The evening lamps; but, more divine,
+    The light of love shines over all;
+    Of love that says not mine and thine,
+    But ours, for ours is thine and mine.
+
+    .....
+
+    "They want no guests; they needs must be
+    Each other's own best company."
+
+What sort of a home shall the new one be? Shall it be the abode of happy
+hearts and pure and noble lives, or shall discontent and misery prevail?
+Jane Welch Carlyle says truly: "If ever one is to pray--if ever one is
+to feel grave and anxious--if ever one is to shrink from vain show and
+vain babble--surely it is just on the occasion of two human beings
+binding themselves to one another, for better and for worse, till death
+part them."
+
+Great is the difference in households. As one walks along a beautiful
+street in a city there is nothing in the fronts of the houses to
+indicate the kind of life which passes within doors. But an intimate
+acquaintance, such as a faithful pastor gains in the course of his
+labors, often reveals the fact that in some of the most magnificent
+houses there is no peace or joy, while in some of the humblest cottages
+there is a calm and loving spirit which continues and grows from year to
+year.
+
+The kind of a house, even the adornments which wealth and luxury bring,
+do not determine the true home. The two people who establish the new
+household decide its quality.
+
+That the people who occupy a home decide its quality is beautifully
+expressed by Nathaniel Cotton, a poet of the last century:
+
+    "If solid happiness we prize,
+    Within our breast this jewel lies;
+      And they are fools who roam:
+    The world has nothing to bestow;
+    From our own selves our joys must flow,
+      And that dear hut, our home."
+
+If those who occupy the home resolve to be happy and contented, to avoid
+envying persons of larger means and higher social position, to lead a
+life of mutual confidence and esteem, and to serve God with trustful
+love, their home will be to them a sacred place. I was once pastor of a
+church in Fulton Street, Elizabeth, N. J., where the most of the members
+were mechanics and laborers and on the railroad. Their circumstances
+were limited, and they had but little power to adorn their houses. But
+in some of those homes there reigned such beauty of spirit, such
+contentment with the condition in life, such kindliness and sympathy,
+such cheerfulness and patience, that it was a joy to cross the threshold
+and commune with the members of the plain and unambitious families. The
+memories of those visits are among the most delightful of my pastoral
+experience.
+
+Suppose, then, your new home is plain and homely. Remember, that marble
+walls, and broad and polished halls, and masterpieces in painting on the
+walls, and a daily fare of luxuries, and table service of silver and
+gold, and a retinue of liveried servants do not constitute a home.
+Though the new home consist of only a few rooms, if mutual love and
+admiration reign within the narrow walls, no historical palace can be
+half so beautiful or attractive.
+
+    "Home's not merely four square walls,
+      Though hung with pictures nicely gilded;
+    Home is where affection calls,
+      Filled with shrines the heart hath builded.
+
+    .....
+
+    "Home's not merely roof and room;
+      Home needs something to endear it;
+    Home is where the heart can bloom,
+      Where there's some kind heart to cheer it."
+
+But for a home to be truly beautiful there must needs be, always, one
+guest--the Saviour. There were many magnificent buildings in Jerusalem
+when He walked its streets and performed his miraculous works of
+healing. But in all the land, and in all the ages, there was never one
+more charming than that little home in Bethany, where Lazarus and his
+sisters Mary and Martha constituted the household. And why was that the
+perfect home? Because our Lord was always the welcome Guest.
+
+
+
+
+THE HOME ALTAR.
+
+
+Every thing depends on the way you begin your new life in your own new
+home. The household altar is a supreme necessity. No hesitation or
+timidity should be allowed to prevent family worship. If both of you are
+members of the Church, the holding of a brief family worship need not be
+a serious trial. The difficulty will be when only one is a Christian,
+and still greater will it be if neither is a Christian. What is to be
+done under such circumstances? Must the having family worship be
+postponed until the religious life be commenced? That is uncertain, and
+it may be years before a household altar is established. The only safe
+way is to begin at once by holding a short service. Simple it may be. It
+was the daily custom of President Hayes, during his presidential term of
+office, to convene his family for daily worship. The prayer consisted of
+only the Lord's Prayer. But it was enough. The minds of the household
+were directed toward spiritual things. The help of God was sought, to
+bear whatever burdens the day might bring.
+
+However great the embarrassment in the face of this great duty, let it
+not prevent the brief domestic worship. Begin--begin immediately. A
+short Scripture reading, followed by prayer, even only the Lord's
+Prayer, will be sufficient. There are good forms of prayer, some of
+which I have used to advantage. Fletcher's _Family Devotion_; Sturm's
+_Family Devotions_; Morison's _Family Prayers_; Cumming's _Daily Family
+Devotion_; _Family Worship_, by one hundred and eighty clergymen of the
+Church of Scotland; Cassell's _Family Devotion_; Dale's _Domestic
+Liturgy_; Thornton's _Family Prayers_; Thompson and Spurgeon's _Home
+Worship and the Use of the Bible in the Home_; and Jay's _Morning and
+Evening Exercises_, are good books for this purpose. The works of
+Fletcher, Thornton, and the _Home Worship_ of Thompson and Spurgeon are
+worthy of special commendation. Even when one is accustomed to
+extemporaneous prayer, the use of one of the above books will,
+nevertheless, be of great service in preventing stereotyped phrases and
+trains of thought. I have often found that my own needs, and I believe
+those of my family, have been better and more exactly described by
+others than by myself. It is best, however, to get into no fixed form.
+Let the extemporaneous prayer, or the printed form of prayer, be used
+judiciously, as circumstances require.
+
+Care should be taken that the home worship may not be made tedious, and
+thus become a burden. I have always found it best to use the Bible for
+the Scripture selection rather than the selections made in the books
+containing forms of prayer. It is well to read the Bible in course, and
+to have _the same copy of the Bible_ from which to read brief
+selections, without being governed by the divisions in chapters. Your
+one and the same Bible, being used every day in family worship, becomes
+very precious with the growing years. It will be associated with all the
+tenderest memories of the home life. I have occasionally used a
+different copy of the Bible in my own home for family worship, but none
+is half so dear as the plain, old, and well-worn copy with which I
+began, when I established my own home altar, far back in the years.
+
+But, besides worship together at the family altar, there should be
+private prayer. Every one should have a place where he can worship God
+alone. Our Lord saw the necessity that each of his disciples should be
+alone with him. Hence he said: "When thou prayest, enter into thy
+closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in
+secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly."
+Begin the day by solitary communing with God. End the day in the same
+way, by asking God for his forgiveness for the past, for his
+preservation for the night, and for his care in all the time to come.
+
+But some one may say: "Does not this attention to religious duties make
+the new home gloomy?" Not at all. It is the way to make it bright and
+cheerful. The wedding day soon passes by, and in time will come the
+regular domestic life, with its monotony and cares. Leave this life to
+God's ordering. He alone can make us strong for every hour's demands.
+The German poet Schirmer says a wise word, which well applies to all who
+begin life in the new home:
+
+    "Left to ourselves we shall but stray;
+    O, lead us in the narrow way:
+      With wisest counsel guide us,
+    And give us steadfastness, that we
+    May henceforth truly follow thee,
+      Whatever woes betide us.
+
+    .....
+
+    "O mighty Rock, O Source of life,
+    Let thy clear word, 'mid doubt and strife,
+      Be so within us burning,
+    That we be faithful unto death
+    In thy pure love and holy faith,
+      From thee true wisdom learning.
+    Lord, thy graces on us shower;
+    By thy power
+    Christ confessing
+    Let us win his grace and blessing."
+
+Vinet here lays down the true principle of a thoroughly good life at
+home: "Wherever we advance in the path of marriage and of life, with
+eyes lifted up toward a Saviour we love, with a salvation we hope for,
+with a spirit of prayer and supplication through which Jesus Christ
+constantly intervenes by his Spirit between the husband and wife--there,
+indeed, a marriage may be happy; nay, must be infallibly so. The union
+between two converted hearts is necessarily sweet and unutterable;
+without this there is no security." The new home consecrated by
+prayer--daily prayer--will become what that beautiful home of Sir Thomas
+More was--"a school and exercise of the Christian religion."
+
+
+
+
+THE HOME BEAUTIFUL.
+
+
+Great art is required in making beautiful the new home. The house need
+not be large and stately in order to be attractive to the eye. More
+attention has been paid of late in this country to the adornment of
+homes than in former years. We Americans begin to see, as never before,
+that the enjoyment of the occupants of a house is in some way connected
+with the furnishing and general effect. Let every room be used. Let the
+inner doors be kept wide open. In this way the atmosphere will be
+uniform and of free circulation; the interior of the house will appear
+to its full size, and the general effect will be more cheerful. Even
+the humblest means need not prevent some simple hangings and a few
+prints on the walls.
+
+I would let the sunlight pour into the new home. The old dread that the
+carpets will get faded and the curtains get spoiled is an abomination.
+My own habit is, so soon as I get down stairs in the morning--and I am
+an early riser--to draw aside the curtains, to let the shades fly up,
+and to throw the sashes wide open. By and by, if from the street this
+airy appearance is considered a little unfashionable, and those within
+choose to shut out the sunlight in a measure, I rejoice that I have had
+my unfashionable way, and the sun has had his golden way, for a while at
+least. Gladness comes into the house with the blaze of the blessed sun.
+Let all the rooms share the joy. I suppose a carpet somewhat faded will
+wear as long as if the colors were fresh. But if the penalty for having
+bright and sunny rooms is to be some faded carpets and window hangings,
+let the full penalty be paid, and cheerfully, too. No price is too great
+for a bright and sunny home.
+
+The sight of a few flowers adds to the beauty of even the humblest home.
+Even a sprig of arbutus or jessamine, or a lily of the valley, on the
+table, will make every meal the sweeter. The Germans of the poorest
+class, all over the Fatherland, never forget to have flowers in their
+lowly homes. If the family occupy only a few rooms in a lofty story,
+they will be sure to have beautiful plants on the window-ledge, and here
+and there within the rooms. These are of such kind that the succession
+of flowers is well kept up in all seasons. Throughout the year, when
+there is no frost, these flowering plants at the German windows can be
+seen from the street to the highest flat. The varied flowers and the
+hanging vines form beautiful pictures in village and town.
+
+Away with the thought that wealth is needed to make the home beautiful!
+It is a question of taste, tact, and a desire to please another. On the
+very street where I live there is a quiet little house, occupied by a
+newly-married couple. It is inexpensive, and the furniture is not
+costly. But there is so much taste in the furnishing and ornamentation,
+and there is so much brightness in all the rooms, that the home is a
+charming picture. I seldom pass it without thinking of the beautiful,
+but not costly, interior.
+
+
+
+
+GOOD READING AT HOME.
+
+
+A home without books is a desert. In these days all the standard authors
+can be bought at small price, and even the humblest home should be
+adorned with the companionship of at least some of them. You may not
+have a taste for reading; at any rate, you may think you have not. But
+possibly you have made a mistake in the kind of books you have tried to
+enjoy, and so imagined that you do not like any books. Try another
+class, and you will likely be surprised to find that you can enjoy them.
+Suppose you have not the experience to select proper books. Now, you
+will have a pastor, of course, and a church home. Make a friend of that
+pastor. He ought to be a good adviser in the matter of proper books. At
+any rate, get some judicious friend to help you in the choice. Buy only
+a very few books at a time, and let your little home-library grow
+gradually. Never buy a book that you have your doubts about. Emerson's
+advice to buy only a standard work, which has been out for years, has
+its good and safe quality. Avoid too much fiction and a superabundance
+of periodical literature. One popular magazine is enough. The money
+which you have for reading-matter should be confined chiefly to books,
+and they ought to be the world's masterpieces.
+
+I am satisfied that in the average home there is too little reading.
+History, biography, travel, with a fair share of religious books, can be
+read in course at home, in the odd half hours, and the mind become
+richly stored with facts. Is there any thing in the domestic life which
+ought to interfere with this constant culture of the mind? Not at all.
+The domestic life is highly favorable to mental discipline. The very
+beginning of real intellectual improvement in many a mind has been in
+the new home of persons just married. The reading aloud of an
+interesting work, the one to the other, is a delightful entertainment,
+and gives a new charm to life. Every effort must be employed to keep the
+mind from becoming sluggish and barren. We need information, the
+thoughts of the good and great and richly endowed, to make our own lives
+richer.
+
+It would be a wise arrangement if every man and woman, on establishing
+their home, would set apart some time for intellectual improvement by
+the reading of good books. I am acquainted with a young lady, who, on
+entering her plain little house, found that her husband and herself were
+so interrupted by visits and other claims on their time in the evening,
+that they resolved to rise an hour earlier in the morning, and devote
+the time to reading and study. They were thus free from interruption,
+and had ample opportunity, before the regular duties of the day began,
+to store their minds with useful knowledge. I think it probable that
+they will carry this excellent custom with them through life.
+
+Much of my time is spent in high-ways, and along the narrow by-ways of
+life. My homes are many. But when my good fortune brings me at night to
+occupy a room far from my own home, where a good book or two are to be
+found, I can say with Milton, in his _Areopagitica_: "A good book is the
+precious life-blood of a master-spirit embalmed and treasured up on
+purpose to a life beyond;" and with Wordsworth, in his "Personal Talk":
+
+    "Dreams, books, are each a world; and books, we know,
+      Are a substantial world, both pure and good;
+      Round these, with tendrils strong as flesh and blood,
+    Our pastime and our happiness will grow."
+
+I like a home where you can see the books. A choice book-case with glass
+doors, and the doors locked, ought to be expelled from the home. Let the
+books be where they can be seen and easily reached. Let them not be
+confined to one room, but so distributed that nearly every room shall
+have at least a few in sight. A few books here and there about the
+house, and even in the bed-rooms, are worth more than a costly piece of
+furniture. When we see books in our homes, and they are where we can
+handle them without effort, we are apt to take them up, and get snatches
+of good reading.
+
+
+
+
+FORBEARANCE.
+
+
+The marriage bond is sacred. It lasts for life: "Until death do us
+part." But it is probable that qualities of temperament and mind in each
+one will develop which will surprise the other. Some of these may
+produce an unfavorable impression. Others may prove most agreeable
+surprises. Each person has come from a different class of associations,
+and each has a different nature. Here comes in the great necessity of
+accommodation and adaptation. Too early and too much criticism spoils
+many a home. "One silent, both happy," is an old motto well worth
+observing. But often a single appreciative word will brighten the whole
+sky. One of Franklin's plain phrases has its wise lesson: "As we must
+account for every idle word, so we must for every idle silence."
+Frederika Bremer says: "Marriage has a morrow, and again a morrow." You
+will need to bear with each other, and to so act, each to the other,
+that every day may be made beautiful and happy, and the whole future one
+of mutual and respectful forbearance.
+
+"Foolish to think," says Dr. A. P. Peabody, "that the whole mutual life
+can flow on like the early stream, without a ripple or eddy. Home is a
+school, a discipline whereby husband and wife are to grow unto each
+other, getting rid of their angularities, harmonizing their peculiar
+characteristics, and more and more becoming one in thought, sympathy,
+and life. The true blessedness of wedded souls is not insured by a
+simple exchange of plighted faith. It comes through and after many a
+self-denial, many a crucifixion of the will, many a scourging of the
+resentment, anger, pride, vanity, and passions of the heart. It is true
+here, as in other relations, that 'he who saveth his life shall lose it,
+and he that loseth his life shall save it.'"
+
+Do not forget, then, that the life at home has its severe tests. If it
+is not an expected thing, it will be the unexpected which will try your
+nature and make your burden heavy. You should remember, if there is
+fault, that it is not all on one side. The unkind word may come to the
+lips, but it should never be spoken.
+
+    "Words are mighty, words are living;
+      Serpents with their venomous stings,
+    Or bright angels, crowding round us,
+      With heaven's light upon their wings:
+    Every word has its own spirit,
+      True or false, that never dies;
+    Every word man's lips have uttered
+      Echoes in God's skies."
+
+The graces of patience, sublime calmness, golden silence, should be
+cultivated with delightful zeal. You may each have had your way, but now
+the way of another must be respected. Besides, it may be a much better
+and safer way than yours. John Angell James says: "Where both have
+infirmities, and they are so constantly together, innumerable occasions
+will be furnished, if we are eager, or even willing, to avail ourselves
+of the opportunities for those contentions which, if they do not produce
+a permanent suppression of love, lead to its temporary interruption.
+Many things we should connive at, others we should pass by with an
+unprovoked mind, and in all things most carefully avoid even what at
+first may seem to be an innocent disputation."
+
+The real basis of adaptation is mutual respect and love. Neither the
+husband nor the wife must judge each other too critically. The
+indiscreet word, or error of any kind, must never be allowed to cause a
+doubt as to the heart's deep affection. Gentleness, patience, time, will
+give ample opportunity for the full sunlight to break forth. Each heart
+needs the other for true happiness. It must be a united life. In
+"Hiawatha" we read the true relation:
+
+    "As unto the bow the cord is,
+    So unto the man is woman,
+    Though she bends him, she obeys him;
+    Though she draws him, yet she follows,
+    Useless each without the other."
+
+The married life, to be supremely happy, must be thoroughly unselfish. I
+was once on shipboard with a tourist who was accompanied by his wife,
+but for whose opinion he seemed, even to other travelers, to show but
+little respect. The voyage was a long one, and while the wife's bearing
+was most gentle and kindly, his manner impressed me as thoroughly
+selfish. I do not imagine that he was aware of the abrupt and strongly
+personal quality of his bearing toward his refined and cultured wife.
+With all his wealth he lacked that appearance of tenderness which is
+more than gold or precious stones.
+
+No effort must be spared by either husband or wife to contribute to the
+other's happiness and comfort. It does not require a long time,
+especially when living together, for one to see what will please
+another. This desire to please, strengthening with the days and years,
+revealing itself in a thousand kindly ways, will do more than any thing
+else to make the home a paradise on earth.
+
+Cowper gives the true secret of a beautiful and strengthening reciprocal
+adaptation:
+
+    "The kindest and the happiest pair
+    Will have occasion to forbear;
+    And something every day they live
+    To pity, and perchance forgive.
+    The love that cheers life's latest stage,
+    Proof against sickness and old age,
+    Is gentle, delicate and kind:
+    To faults compassionate or blind,
+    And will with sympathy endure
+    Those evils it would gladly cure."
+
+I believe the Germans excel all others in literature in their warm
+tributes to the faithful love and devotion of their wives. Kerner, the
+Suabian author, said this beautiful word in testimony of his wife after
+their long years of happiness together: "She hath borne with me." Martin
+Luther said of his wife, the devoted Catherine: "I would not exchange my
+poverty with her for all the riches of Croesus without her." Bismarck,
+the man of "blood and iron," says of his wife: "She it is who made me
+what I am."
+
+
+
+
+THE YESTERDAYS OF HOME.
+
+
+Every day becomes a yesterday. Our conduct at home should be such that
+the morrow will bring no regrets. Mrs. Sigourney thus describes the
+changes that must come over the brightest home:
+
+    "Not for the summer's hour alone,
+      When skies resplendent shine
+    And youth and pleasure fill the throne,
+      Our hearts and hands we join.
+
+    "But for those stern and wintry days
+      Of sorrow, pain, and fear.
+    When Heaven's wise discipline doth make
+      Our earthly journey drear."
+
+It is sad enough when either a man or his wife learns first, when one or
+the other is taken away by death, that there has been a life-long want
+of considerate tenderness.
+
+Supposing the late Thomas Carlyle had been a little more attentive to
+his brilliant and devoted wife during their long and lonely life in the
+plain home in Cheyne Row, in Chelsea, London, such words as these, which
+escaped her in a letter to a friend, could never have been said: "Those
+little attentions which we women attach so much importance to he was
+never in the habit of rendering to any one; his upbringing, and the
+severe turn of mind he has from nature, had alike indisposed him toward
+them."
+
+But the grim old man saw his mistake at last. It was all too late,
+however. It was only after all her sacrifices had been made, and he had
+written his many works, and she lay in her grave, that he awoke to a
+knowledge of his long neglect. Mr. Froude says that Carlyle often said,
+when there was no more opportunity for a kind word to reach his wife: "O
+if I could but see her for five minutes, to assure her that I really
+cared for her throughout all that; but she never knew it, she never knew
+it." It is no wonder that Mr. Froude was compelled to write of Carlyle
+these sad words: "For many years after she had left him, when he passed
+the spot where she was last seen alive he would bare his gray head in
+the wind and rain, his features wrung with unavailing sorrow."
+
+We are prone to take too many things for granted. You should not assume
+that your thoughtless word, or harsh manner, or forgetfulness of little
+and delicate attentions will have no effect, and will be duly passed by
+as unmeaning. No such thing! Every word or look which is incompatible
+with genuine love and respect weighs like a millstone. Gentle
+attentions will be remembered, not only through the day, but through all
+the days. Recently, while on a visit in Irvington-on-the-Hudson, the
+widow of a celebrated publisher led me to the portrait of her lamented
+husband, and stood in admiration before the magnificent painting. She
+then said to me: "I esteem it the greatest honor that could be conferred
+upon me to have been the wife of such a man." Could there be a grander
+tribute to an attentive and devoted husband?
+
+In that exquisite work, _Memorials of a Quiet Life_, Mrs. Hare pays this
+beautiful tribute to her husband: "I never saw any body so easy to live
+with, by whom the daily petty things of life were passed over so
+lightly; and then there is a charm in the _refinement_ of feeling which
+is not to be told in its influence upon trifles." Mrs. Stowe, in
+describing the good qualities of the Duchess of Sutherland in her own
+home in Scotland, says that she excelled in _considerateness_. Paul's
+advice is as beautiful as it is true, and suits young married people
+perfectly. In the Revised Version it reads thus: "In lowliness of mind
+each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his
+own things, but each of you also to the things of others." Another piece
+of Pauline advice is of equally useful quality: "Let us therefore follow
+after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may
+edify another."
+
+Happy are they whom death has not yet divided, and to whom it is still
+granted to say such words and do such kindly acts as will prove
+delightful memories when the Happy To-Days become only Yesterdays in the
+Home.
+
+
+
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