diff options
Diffstat (limited to '24171.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | 24171.txt | 1170 |
1 files changed, 1170 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/24171.txt b/24171.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6bbc425 --- /dev/null +++ b/24171.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1170 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Wedding Day, Edited by John Fletcher Hurst + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: The Wedding Day + The Service--The Marriage Certificate--Words of Counsel + + +Editor: John Fletcher Hurst + +Release Date: January 5, 2008 [eBook #24171] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WEDDING DAY*** + + +E-text prepared by Eileen Gormly, Norbert H. Langkau, Daryl Hrdlicka, and +the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team +(https://www.pgdp.net) + + + +Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this + file which includes the original illustrations. + See 24171-h.htm or 24171-h.zip: + (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/4/1/7/24171/24171-h/24171-h.htm) + or + (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/4/1/7/24171/24171-h.zip) + + +Transcriber's Notes: + + Text that is handwritten in the original is surrounded by + tildes (~). + + The second signature on the "Witnesses" page is too faint + in the original to be readable. + + + + + +THE WEDDING DAY. + +The Service--The Marriage Certificate--Words of Counsel. + +Edited by + +JOHN F. HURST, D.D., LL.D. + + + + + + + +Buffalo: +H. H. Otis. +1889. + +Copyright, 1888, by +H. H. OTIS +Buffalo, N. Y. + + + + +CONTENTS + + Page + + FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY, 5 + + CERTIFICATE, 13 + + WITNESSES, 14 + + THE NEW HOME, 15 + + THE HOME ALTAR, 21 + + THE HOME BEAUTIFUL, 28 + + GOOD READING AT HOME, 32 + + FORBEARANCE, 37 + + THE YESTERDAYS OF HOME, 44 + + + + +FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY. + + +[THE PARTS IN BRACKETS THROUGHOUT MAY BE USED OR NOT, AT DISCRETION.] + +_At the day and time appointed for the Solemnization of Matrimony, the + persons to be married--having been qualified according to law--standing + together, the Man on the right hand and the Woman on the left, the + Minister shall say:_ + +Dearly beloved: we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and +in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this +woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God +in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union +that exists between Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ +adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he +wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be +honorable among all men; and therefore is not by any to be entered into +unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God. + +Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. +Therefore, if any can show just cause why they may not lawfully be +joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his +peace. + +[_And also, speaking unto the persons who are to be married, the + Minister shall say:_ + +I require and charge you both, that if either of you know any impediment +why you may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, you do now +confess it; for be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together +otherwise than God's word doth allow are not joined together by God, +neither is their Matrimony lawful.] + +_If no impediment be alleged, then shall the Minister say unto the Man:_ + +M. Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together +after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love +her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health: and, +forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall +live? + +_The Man shall answer:_ + + I will. + +_Then shall the Minister say unto the Woman:_ + +N. Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together +after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love, +honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health: and, forsaking all +other, keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live? + +_The Woman shall answer:_ + + I will. + +[_Then the Minister shall cause the Man with his right hand to take the + Woman by her right hand, and to say after him as followeth:_ + +I _M._ take thee _N._ to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from +this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in +sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, +according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my faith. + +_Then shall they loose their hands, and the Woman with her right hand + taking the Man by his right hand shall likewise say after the Minister:_ + +I _N._ take thee _M._ to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from +this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in +sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, +according to God's holy ordinance: and thereto I plight thee my faith.] + +_Then shall the Minister Pray thus:_ + +O eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all +spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life: send thy blessing upon +these thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless in thy name; +that as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together, so these persons +may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made, and +may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according +to thy laws, through Jesus Christ our Lord. _Amen._ + +[_If the parties desire it, the Man shall here hand a Ring to the + Minister, who shall return it to him, and direct him to place it on the + third finger of the Woman's left hand. And the Man shall say to the + Woman, repeating after the Minister:_ + +With this ring I thee wed, and with my worldly goods I thee endow, in +the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. _Amen._] + +_Then shall the Minister join their right hands together, and say:_ + +Forasmuch as _M._ and _N._ have consented together in holy wedlock, and +have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have +pledged their faith either to other, and have declared the same by +joining of hands; I pronounce that they are husband and wife together, +in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Those +whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. _Amen._ + +_And the Minister shall add this blessing:_ + +God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve, and keep +you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and so fill you +with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together +in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting. +_Amen._ + +_Then shall the Minister offer the following Prayer:_ + +O God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, bless this man and this +woman, and sow the seed of eternal life in their hearts, that whatsoever +in thy holy word they shall profitably learn, they may indeed fulfill +the same. Look, O Lord, mercifully on them from heaven, and bless them: +as thou didst send thy blessings upon Abraham and Sarah to their great +comfort, so vouchsafe to send thy blessings upon this man and this +woman, that they, obeying thy will, and always being in safety under thy +protection, may abide in thy love unto their lives' end, through Jesus +Christ our Lord. + +Almighty God, who at the beginning didst create our first parents, Adam +and Eve, and didst sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour +upon these persons the riches of thy grace, sanctify and bless them, +that they may please thee both in body and soul, and live together in +holy love unto their lives' end. _Amen._ + +_Here the Minister may use extemporary Prayer._ + +_Then the Minister shall repeat the Lord's Prayer:_ + +Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. +Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our +daily bread: and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that +trespass against us: and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us +from evil: for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, +forever. _Amen._ + +[Illustration: + + This Certifies + + That ~Robert B. Lawrence~ + of ~Olean~ State of ~N. Y.~ + and ~Maude L. Harvey~ + of ~Olean~ State of ~N. Y.~ + + WERE BY ME UNITED IN + + + HOLY MATRIMONY + + + ACCORDING TO THE ORDINANCE OF GOD AND THE LAWS OF THE + STATE OF ~New York~ + + at ~Home of the bride Olean N. Y.~ + on the ~Eleventh~ day of ~July-11-1900~ + in the year of our Lord one thousand + ~nine~ hundred ~1900~ + + ~G. R. Harvey~ + Minister of the Gospel.] + +[Illustration: + + WITNESSES: + + ~Arthur Wright~ + ~ ...~ + ~John S. Seivert~ + ~Jessie Seivert~ + ~Francis E. Selover,~ + ~Mr. & Mrs. A J Lawrence~] + + + + +THE NEW HOME. + + +The founding of a new home marks an important era in a human life. +Whether you be poor or wealthy, wise or ignorant, it is all the +same--you begin a new existence. The associations of childhood and youth +now undergo a total change. The familiar scenes disappear suddenly. +Longfellow, in his "Hanging of the Crane," writes the following touching +words on the eventful day: + + "O fortunate, O happy day, + When a new household finds its place + Among the myriad homes of earth, + Like a new star sprung to birth, + And rolled on its harmonious way + Into the boundless realms of space! + + ..... + + "For two alone, there in the hall, + Is spread the table round and small; + Upon the polished silver shine + The evening lamps; but, more divine, + The light of love shines over all; + Of love that says not mine and thine, + But ours, for ours is thine and mine. + + ..... + + "They want no guests; they needs must be + Each other's own best company." + +What sort of a home shall the new one be? Shall it be the abode of happy +hearts and pure and noble lives, or shall discontent and misery prevail? +Jane Welch Carlyle says truly: "If ever one is to pray--if ever one is +to feel grave and anxious--if ever one is to shrink from vain show and +vain babble--surely it is just on the occasion of two human beings +binding themselves to one another, for better and for worse, till death +part them." + +Great is the difference in households. As one walks along a beautiful +street in a city there is nothing in the fronts of the houses to +indicate the kind of life which passes within doors. But an intimate +acquaintance, such as a faithful pastor gains in the course of his +labors, often reveals the fact that in some of the most magnificent +houses there is no peace or joy, while in some of the humblest cottages +there is a calm and loving spirit which continues and grows from year to +year. + +The kind of a house, even the adornments which wealth and luxury bring, +do not determine the true home. The two people who establish the new +household decide its quality. + +That the people who occupy a home decide its quality is beautifully +expressed by Nathaniel Cotton, a poet of the last century: + + "If solid happiness we prize, + Within our breast this jewel lies; + And they are fools who roam: + The world has nothing to bestow; + From our own selves our joys must flow, + And that dear hut, our home." + +If those who occupy the home resolve to be happy and contented, to avoid +envying persons of larger means and higher social position, to lead a +life of mutual confidence and esteem, and to serve God with trustful +love, their home will be to them a sacred place. I was once pastor of a +church in Fulton Street, Elizabeth, N. J., where the most of the members +were mechanics and laborers and on the railroad. Their circumstances +were limited, and they had but little power to adorn their houses. But +in some of those homes there reigned such beauty of spirit, such +contentment with the condition in life, such kindliness and sympathy, +such cheerfulness and patience, that it was a joy to cross the threshold +and commune with the members of the plain and unambitious families. The +memories of those visits are among the most delightful of my pastoral +experience. + +Suppose, then, your new home is plain and homely. Remember, that marble +walls, and broad and polished halls, and masterpieces in painting on the +walls, and a daily fare of luxuries, and table service of silver and +gold, and a retinue of liveried servants do not constitute a home. +Though the new home consist of only a few rooms, if mutual love and +admiration reign within the narrow walls, no historical palace can be +half so beautiful or attractive. + + "Home's not merely four square walls, + Though hung with pictures nicely gilded; + Home is where affection calls, + Filled with shrines the heart hath builded. + + ..... + + "Home's not merely roof and room; + Home needs something to endear it; + Home is where the heart can bloom, + Where there's some kind heart to cheer it." + +But for a home to be truly beautiful there must needs be, always, one +guest--the Saviour. There were many magnificent buildings in Jerusalem +when He walked its streets and performed his miraculous works of +healing. But in all the land, and in all the ages, there was never one +more charming than that little home in Bethany, where Lazarus and his +sisters Mary and Martha constituted the household. And why was that the +perfect home? Because our Lord was always the welcome Guest. + + + + +THE HOME ALTAR. + + +Every thing depends on the way you begin your new life in your own new +home. The household altar is a supreme necessity. No hesitation or +timidity should be allowed to prevent family worship. If both of you are +members of the Church, the holding of a brief family worship need not be +a serious trial. The difficulty will be when only one is a Christian, +and still greater will it be if neither is a Christian. What is to be +done under such circumstances? Must the having family worship be +postponed until the religious life be commenced? That is uncertain, and +it may be years before a household altar is established. The only safe +way is to begin at once by holding a short service. Simple it may be. It +was the daily custom of President Hayes, during his presidential term of +office, to convene his family for daily worship. The prayer consisted of +only the Lord's Prayer. But it was enough. The minds of the household +were directed toward spiritual things. The help of God was sought, to +bear whatever burdens the day might bring. + +However great the embarrassment in the face of this great duty, let it +not prevent the brief domestic worship. Begin--begin immediately. A +short Scripture reading, followed by prayer, even only the Lord's +Prayer, will be sufficient. There are good forms of prayer, some of +which I have used to advantage. Fletcher's _Family Devotion_; Sturm's +_Family Devotions_; Morison's _Family Prayers_; Cumming's _Daily Family +Devotion_; _Family Worship_, by one hundred and eighty clergymen of the +Church of Scotland; Cassell's _Family Devotion_; Dale's _Domestic +Liturgy_; Thornton's _Family Prayers_; Thompson and Spurgeon's _Home +Worship and the Use of the Bible in the Home_; and Jay's _Morning and +Evening Exercises_, are good books for this purpose. The works of +Fletcher, Thornton, and the _Home Worship_ of Thompson and Spurgeon are +worthy of special commendation. Even when one is accustomed to +extemporaneous prayer, the use of one of the above books will, +nevertheless, be of great service in preventing stereotyped phrases and +trains of thought. I have often found that my own needs, and I believe +those of my family, have been better and more exactly described by +others than by myself. It is best, however, to get into no fixed form. +Let the extemporaneous prayer, or the printed form of prayer, be used +judiciously, as circumstances require. + +Care should be taken that the home worship may not be made tedious, and +thus become a burden. I have always found it best to use the Bible for +the Scripture selection rather than the selections made in the books +containing forms of prayer. It is well to read the Bible in course, and +to have _the same copy of the Bible_ from which to read brief +selections, without being governed by the divisions in chapters. Your +one and the same Bible, being used every day in family worship, becomes +very precious with the growing years. It will be associated with all the +tenderest memories of the home life. I have occasionally used a +different copy of the Bible in my own home for family worship, but none +is half so dear as the plain, old, and well-worn copy with which I +began, when I established my own home altar, far back in the years. + +But, besides worship together at the family altar, there should be +private prayer. Every one should have a place where he can worship God +alone. Our Lord saw the necessity that each of his disciples should be +alone with him. Hence he said: "When thou prayest, enter into thy +closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in +secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." +Begin the day by solitary communing with God. End the day in the same +way, by asking God for his forgiveness for the past, for his +preservation for the night, and for his care in all the time to come. + +But some one may say: "Does not this attention to religious duties make +the new home gloomy?" Not at all. It is the way to make it bright and +cheerful. The wedding day soon passes by, and in time will come the +regular domestic life, with its monotony and cares. Leave this life to +God's ordering. He alone can make us strong for every hour's demands. +The German poet Schirmer says a wise word, which well applies to all who +begin life in the new home: + + "Left to ourselves we shall but stray; + O, lead us in the narrow way: + With wisest counsel guide us, + And give us steadfastness, that we + May henceforth truly follow thee, + Whatever woes betide us. + + ..... + + "O mighty Rock, O Source of life, + Let thy clear word, 'mid doubt and strife, + Be so within us burning, + That we be faithful unto death + In thy pure love and holy faith, + From thee true wisdom learning. + Lord, thy graces on us shower; + By thy power + Christ confessing + Let us win his grace and blessing." + +Vinet here lays down the true principle of a thoroughly good life at +home: "Wherever we advance in the path of marriage and of life, with +eyes lifted up toward a Saviour we love, with a salvation we hope for, +with a spirit of prayer and supplication through which Jesus Christ +constantly intervenes by his Spirit between the husband and wife--there, +indeed, a marriage may be happy; nay, must be infallibly so. The union +between two converted hearts is necessarily sweet and unutterable; +without this there is no security." The new home consecrated by +prayer--daily prayer--will become what that beautiful home of Sir Thomas +More was--"a school and exercise of the Christian religion." + + + + +THE HOME BEAUTIFUL. + + +Great art is required in making beautiful the new home. The house need +not be large and stately in order to be attractive to the eye. More +attention has been paid of late in this country to the adornment of +homes than in former years. We Americans begin to see, as never before, +that the enjoyment of the occupants of a house is in some way connected +with the furnishing and general effect. Let every room be used. Let the +inner doors be kept wide open. In this way the atmosphere will be +uniform and of free circulation; the interior of the house will appear +to its full size, and the general effect will be more cheerful. Even +the humblest means need not prevent some simple hangings and a few +prints on the walls. + +I would let the sunlight pour into the new home. The old dread that the +carpets will get faded and the curtains get spoiled is an abomination. +My own habit is, so soon as I get down stairs in the morning--and I am +an early riser--to draw aside the curtains, to let the shades fly up, +and to throw the sashes wide open. By and by, if from the street this +airy appearance is considered a little unfashionable, and those within +choose to shut out the sunlight in a measure, I rejoice that I have had +my unfashionable way, and the sun has had his golden way, for a while at +least. Gladness comes into the house with the blaze of the blessed sun. +Let all the rooms share the joy. I suppose a carpet somewhat faded will +wear as long as if the colors were fresh. But if the penalty for having +bright and sunny rooms is to be some faded carpets and window hangings, +let the full penalty be paid, and cheerfully, too. No price is too great +for a bright and sunny home. + +The sight of a few flowers adds to the beauty of even the humblest home. +Even a sprig of arbutus or jessamine, or a lily of the valley, on the +table, will make every meal the sweeter. The Germans of the poorest +class, all over the Fatherland, never forget to have flowers in their +lowly homes. If the family occupy only a few rooms in a lofty story, +they will be sure to have beautiful plants on the window-ledge, and here +and there within the rooms. These are of such kind that the succession +of flowers is well kept up in all seasons. Throughout the year, when +there is no frost, these flowering plants at the German windows can be +seen from the street to the highest flat. The varied flowers and the +hanging vines form beautiful pictures in village and town. + +Away with the thought that wealth is needed to make the home beautiful! +It is a question of taste, tact, and a desire to please another. On the +very street where I live there is a quiet little house, occupied by a +newly-married couple. It is inexpensive, and the furniture is not +costly. But there is so much taste in the furnishing and ornamentation, +and there is so much brightness in all the rooms, that the home is a +charming picture. I seldom pass it without thinking of the beautiful, +but not costly, interior. + + + + +GOOD READING AT HOME. + + +A home without books is a desert. In these days all the standard authors +can be bought at small price, and even the humblest home should be +adorned with the companionship of at least some of them. You may not +have a taste for reading; at any rate, you may think you have not. But +possibly you have made a mistake in the kind of books you have tried to +enjoy, and so imagined that you do not like any books. Try another +class, and you will likely be surprised to find that you can enjoy them. +Suppose you have not the experience to select proper books. Now, you +will have a pastor, of course, and a church home. Make a friend of that +pastor. He ought to be a good adviser in the matter of proper books. At +any rate, get some judicious friend to help you in the choice. Buy only +a very few books at a time, and let your little home-library grow +gradually. Never buy a book that you have your doubts about. Emerson's +advice to buy only a standard work, which has been out for years, has +its good and safe quality. Avoid too much fiction and a superabundance +of periodical literature. One popular magazine is enough. The money +which you have for reading-matter should be confined chiefly to books, +and they ought to be the world's masterpieces. + +I am satisfied that in the average home there is too little reading. +History, biography, travel, with a fair share of religious books, can be +read in course at home, in the odd half hours, and the mind become +richly stored with facts. Is there any thing in the domestic life which +ought to interfere with this constant culture of the mind? Not at all. +The domestic life is highly favorable to mental discipline. The very +beginning of real intellectual improvement in many a mind has been in +the new home of persons just married. The reading aloud of an +interesting work, the one to the other, is a delightful entertainment, +and gives a new charm to life. Every effort must be employed to keep the +mind from becoming sluggish and barren. We need information, the +thoughts of the good and great and richly endowed, to make our own lives +richer. + +It would be a wise arrangement if every man and woman, on establishing +their home, would set apart some time for intellectual improvement by +the reading of good books. I am acquainted with a young lady, who, on +entering her plain little house, found that her husband and herself were +so interrupted by visits and other claims on their time in the evening, +that they resolved to rise an hour earlier in the morning, and devote +the time to reading and study. They were thus free from interruption, +and had ample opportunity, before the regular duties of the day began, +to store their minds with useful knowledge. I think it probable that +they will carry this excellent custom with them through life. + +Much of my time is spent in high-ways, and along the narrow by-ways of +life. My homes are many. But when my good fortune brings me at night to +occupy a room far from my own home, where a good book or two are to be +found, I can say with Milton, in his _Areopagitica_: "A good book is the +precious life-blood of a master-spirit embalmed and treasured up on +purpose to a life beyond;" and with Wordsworth, in his "Personal Talk": + + "Dreams, books, are each a world; and books, we know, + Are a substantial world, both pure and good; + Round these, with tendrils strong as flesh and blood, + Our pastime and our happiness will grow." + +I like a home where you can see the books. A choice book-case with glass +doors, and the doors locked, ought to be expelled from the home. Let the +books be where they can be seen and easily reached. Let them not be +confined to one room, but so distributed that nearly every room shall +have at least a few in sight. A few books here and there about the +house, and even in the bed-rooms, are worth more than a costly piece of +furniture. When we see books in our homes, and they are where we can +handle them without effort, we are apt to take them up, and get snatches +of good reading. + + + + +FORBEARANCE. + + +The marriage bond is sacred. It lasts for life: "Until death do us +part." But it is probable that qualities of temperament and mind in each +one will develop which will surprise the other. Some of these may +produce an unfavorable impression. Others may prove most agreeable +surprises. Each person has come from a different class of associations, +and each has a different nature. Here comes in the great necessity of +accommodation and adaptation. Too early and too much criticism spoils +many a home. "One silent, both happy," is an old motto well worth +observing. But often a single appreciative word will brighten the whole +sky. One of Franklin's plain phrases has its wise lesson: "As we must +account for every idle word, so we must for every idle silence." +Frederika Bremer says: "Marriage has a morrow, and again a morrow." You +will need to bear with each other, and to so act, each to the other, +that every day may be made beautiful and happy, and the whole future one +of mutual and respectful forbearance. + +"Foolish to think," says Dr. A. P. Peabody, "that the whole mutual life +can flow on like the early stream, without a ripple or eddy. Home is a +school, a discipline whereby husband and wife are to grow unto each +other, getting rid of their angularities, harmonizing their peculiar +characteristics, and more and more becoming one in thought, sympathy, +and life. The true blessedness of wedded souls is not insured by a +simple exchange of plighted faith. It comes through and after many a +self-denial, many a crucifixion of the will, many a scourging of the +resentment, anger, pride, vanity, and passions of the heart. It is true +here, as in other relations, that 'he who saveth his life shall lose it, +and he that loseth his life shall save it.'" + +Do not forget, then, that the life at home has its severe tests. If it +is not an expected thing, it will be the unexpected which will try your +nature and make your burden heavy. You should remember, if there is +fault, that it is not all on one side. The unkind word may come to the +lips, but it should never be spoken. + + "Words are mighty, words are living; + Serpents with their venomous stings, + Or bright angels, crowding round us, + With heaven's light upon their wings: + Every word has its own spirit, + True or false, that never dies; + Every word man's lips have uttered + Echoes in God's skies." + +The graces of patience, sublime calmness, golden silence, should be +cultivated with delightful zeal. You may each have had your way, but now +the way of another must be respected. Besides, it may be a much better +and safer way than yours. John Angell James says: "Where both have +infirmities, and they are so constantly together, innumerable occasions +will be furnished, if we are eager, or even willing, to avail ourselves +of the opportunities for those contentions which, if they do not produce +a permanent suppression of love, lead to its temporary interruption. +Many things we should connive at, others we should pass by with an +unprovoked mind, and in all things most carefully avoid even what at +first may seem to be an innocent disputation." + +The real basis of adaptation is mutual respect and love. Neither the +husband nor the wife must judge each other too critically. The +indiscreet word, or error of any kind, must never be allowed to cause a +doubt as to the heart's deep affection. Gentleness, patience, time, will +give ample opportunity for the full sunlight to break forth. Each heart +needs the other for true happiness. It must be a united life. In +"Hiawatha" we read the true relation: + + "As unto the bow the cord is, + So unto the man is woman, + Though she bends him, she obeys him; + Though she draws him, yet she follows, + Useless each without the other." + +The married life, to be supremely happy, must be thoroughly unselfish. I +was once on shipboard with a tourist who was accompanied by his wife, +but for whose opinion he seemed, even to other travelers, to show but +little respect. The voyage was a long one, and while the wife's bearing +was most gentle and kindly, his manner impressed me as thoroughly +selfish. I do not imagine that he was aware of the abrupt and strongly +personal quality of his bearing toward his refined and cultured wife. +With all his wealth he lacked that appearance of tenderness which is +more than gold or precious stones. + +No effort must be spared by either husband or wife to contribute to the +other's happiness and comfort. It does not require a long time, +especially when living together, for one to see what will please +another. This desire to please, strengthening with the days and years, +revealing itself in a thousand kindly ways, will do more than any thing +else to make the home a paradise on earth. + +Cowper gives the true secret of a beautiful and strengthening reciprocal +adaptation: + + "The kindest and the happiest pair + Will have occasion to forbear; + And something every day they live + To pity, and perchance forgive. + The love that cheers life's latest stage, + Proof against sickness and old age, + Is gentle, delicate and kind: + To faults compassionate or blind, + And will with sympathy endure + Those evils it would gladly cure." + +I believe the Germans excel all others in literature in their warm +tributes to the faithful love and devotion of their wives. Kerner, the +Suabian author, said this beautiful word in testimony of his wife after +their long years of happiness together: "She hath borne with me." Martin +Luther said of his wife, the devoted Catherine: "I would not exchange my +poverty with her for all the riches of Croesus without her." Bismarck, +the man of "blood and iron," says of his wife: "She it is who made me +what I am." + + + + +THE YESTERDAYS OF HOME. + + +Every day becomes a yesterday. Our conduct at home should be such that +the morrow will bring no regrets. Mrs. Sigourney thus describes the +changes that must come over the brightest home: + + "Not for the summer's hour alone, + When skies resplendent shine + And youth and pleasure fill the throne, + Our hearts and hands we join. + + "But for those stern and wintry days + Of sorrow, pain, and fear. + When Heaven's wise discipline doth make + Our earthly journey drear." + +It is sad enough when either a man or his wife learns first, when one or +the other is taken away by death, that there has been a life-long want +of considerate tenderness. + +Supposing the late Thomas Carlyle had been a little more attentive to +his brilliant and devoted wife during their long and lonely life in the +plain home in Cheyne Row, in Chelsea, London, such words as these, which +escaped her in a letter to a friend, could never have been said: "Those +little attentions which we women attach so much importance to he was +never in the habit of rendering to any one; his upbringing, and the +severe turn of mind he has from nature, had alike indisposed him toward +them." + +But the grim old man saw his mistake at last. It was all too late, +however. It was only after all her sacrifices had been made, and he had +written his many works, and she lay in her grave, that he awoke to a +knowledge of his long neglect. Mr. Froude says that Carlyle often said, +when there was no more opportunity for a kind word to reach his wife: "O +if I could but see her for five minutes, to assure her that I really +cared for her throughout all that; but she never knew it, she never knew +it." It is no wonder that Mr. Froude was compelled to write of Carlyle +these sad words: "For many years after she had left him, when he passed +the spot where she was last seen alive he would bare his gray head in +the wind and rain, his features wrung with unavailing sorrow." + +We are prone to take too many things for granted. You should not assume +that your thoughtless word, or harsh manner, or forgetfulness of little +and delicate attentions will have no effect, and will be duly passed by +as unmeaning. No such thing! Every word or look which is incompatible +with genuine love and respect weighs like a millstone. Gentle +attentions will be remembered, not only through the day, but through all +the days. Recently, while on a visit in Irvington-on-the-Hudson, the +widow of a celebrated publisher led me to the portrait of her lamented +husband, and stood in admiration before the magnificent painting. She +then said to me: "I esteem it the greatest honor that could be conferred +upon me to have been the wife of such a man." Could there be a grander +tribute to an attentive and devoted husband? + +In that exquisite work, _Memorials of a Quiet Life_, Mrs. Hare pays this +beautiful tribute to her husband: "I never saw any body so easy to live +with, by whom the daily petty things of life were passed over so +lightly; and then there is a charm in the _refinement_ of feeling which +is not to be told in its influence upon trifles." Mrs. Stowe, in +describing the good qualities of the Duchess of Sutherland in her own +home in Scotland, says that she excelled in _considerateness_. Paul's +advice is as beautiful as it is true, and suits young married people +perfectly. In the Revised Version it reads thus: "In lowliness of mind +each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his +own things, but each of you also to the things of others." Another piece +of Pauline advice is of equally useful quality: "Let us therefore follow +after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may +edify another." + +Happy are they whom death has not yet divided, and to whom it is still +granted to say such words and do such kindly acts as will prove +delightful memories when the Happy To-Days become only Yesterdays in the +Home. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WEDDING DAY*** + + +******* This file should be named 24171.txt or 24171.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/4/1/7/24171 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +https://www.gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need, is critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at https://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/pglaf. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at https://www.gutenberg.org/about/contact + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit https://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: +https://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + |