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+*Project Gutenberg Etext The Depot Master, by Joseph C. Lincoln*
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+The Depot Master
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+by Joseph C. Lincoln
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+September, 2000  [Etext #2307]
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+
+
+THE DEPOT MASTER
+
+by Joseph C. Lincoln
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+CHAPTER
+
+I.--AT THE DEPOT
+
+II.--SUPPLY AND DEMAND
+
+III.--"STINGY GABE"
+
+IV.--THE MAJOR
+
+V.--A BABY AND A ROBBERY
+
+VI.--AVIATION AND AVARICE
+
+VII.--CAPTAIN SOL DECIDES TO MOVE
+
+VIII.--THE OBLIGATIONS OF A GENTLEMAN
+
+IX.--THE WIDOW BASSETT
+
+X.--CAPTAIN JONADAB GOES
+
+XI.  THE GREAT METROPOLIS
+
+XII.--A VISION SENT
+
+XIII.--DUSENBERRY'S BIRTHDAY
+
+XIV.--EFFIE'S FATE
+
+XV.--THE "HERO" AND THE COWBOY
+
+XVI.--THE CRUISE OF THE RED CAR
+
+XVII.--ISSY'S REVENGE
+
+XVIII.--THE MOUNTAIN AND MAHOMET
+
+
+
+
+THE DEPOT MASTER
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+AT THE DEPOT
+
+
+Mr. Simeon Phinney emerged from the side door of his residence and
+paused a moment to light his pipe in the lee of the lilac bushes.
+Mr. Phinney was a man of various and sundry occupations, and his
+sign, nailed to the big silver-leaf in the front yard, enumerated a
+few of them.  "Carpenter, Well Driver, Building Mover, Cranberry
+Bogs Seen to with Care and Dispatch, etc., etc.," so read the sign.
+The house was situated in "Phinney's Lane," the crooked little
+byway off "Cross Street," between the "Shore Road" at the foot of
+the slope and the "Hill Boulevard"--formerly "Higgins's Roost"--at
+the top.  From the Phinney gate the view was extensive and, for the
+most part, wet.  The hill descended sharply, past the "Shore Road,"
+over the barren fields and knolls covered with bayberry bushes and
+"poverty grass," to the yellow sand of the beach and the gray,
+weather-beaten fish-houses scattered along it.  Beyond was the bay,
+a glimmer in the sunset light.
+
+Mrs. Phinney, in the kitchen, was busy with the supper dishes.  Her
+husband, wheezing comfortably at his musical pipe, drew an ancient
+silver watch from his pocket and looked at its dial.  Quarter past
+six.  Time to be getting down to the depot and the post office.  At
+least a dozen male citizens of East Harniss were thinking that very
+thing at that very moment.  It was a community habit of long
+standing to see the train come in and go after the mail.  The facts
+that the train bore no passengers in whom you were intimately
+interested, and that you expected no mail made little difference.
+If you were a man of thirty or older, you went to the depot or the
+"club," just as your wife or sisters went to the sewing circle, for
+sociability and mild excitement.  If you were a single young man
+you went to the post office for the same reason that you attended
+prayer meeting.  If you were a single young lady you went to the
+post office and prayer meeting to furnish a reason for the young man.
+
+Mr. Phinney, replacing his watch in his pocket, meandered to the
+sidewalk and looked down the hill and along the length of the
+"Shore Road."  Beside the latter highway stood a little house,
+painted a spotless white, its window blinds a vivid green.  In that
+house dwelt, and dwelt alone, Captain Solomon Berry, Sim Phinney's
+particular friend.  Captain Sol was the East Harniss depot master
+and, from long acquaintance, Mr. Phinney knew that he should be
+through supper and ready to return to the depot, by this time.  The
+pair usually walked thither together when the evening meal was
+over.
+
+But, except for the smoke curling lazily from the kitchen chimney,
+there was no sign of life about the Berry house.  Either Captain
+Sol had already gone, or he was not yet ready to go.  So Mr.
+Phinney decided that waiting was chancey, and set out alone.
+
+He climbed Cross Street to where the "Hill Boulevard," abiding
+place of East Harniss's summer aristocracy, bisected it, and there,
+standing on the corner, and consciously patronizing the spot where
+he so stood, was Mr. Ogden Hapworth Williams, no less.
+
+Mr. Williams was the village millionaire, patron, and, in a
+gentlemanly way, "boomer."  His estate on the Boulevard was the
+finest in the county, and he, more than any one else, was
+responsible for the "buying up" by wealthy people from the city of
+the town's best building sites, the spots commanding "fine marine
+sea views," to quote from Abner Payne, local real estate and
+insurance agent.  His own estate was fine enough to be talked about
+from one end of the Cape to the other and he had bought the empty
+lot opposite and made it into a miniature park, with flower beds
+and gravel walks, though no one but he or his might pick the
+flowers or tread the walks.  He had brought on a wealthy friend
+from New York and a cousin from Chicago, and they, too, had bought
+acres on the Boulevard and erected palatial "cottages" where once
+were the houses of country people.  Local cynics suggested that the
+sign on the East Harniss railroad station should be changed to read
+"Williamsburg."  "He owns the place, body and soul," said they.
+
+As Sim Phinney climbed the hill the magnate, pompous, portly, and
+imposing, held up a signaling finger.  "Just as if he was hailin' a
+horse car," described Simeon afterward.
+
+"Phinney," he said, "come here, I want to speak to you."
+
+The man of many trades obediently approached.
+
+"Good evenin', Mr. Williams," he ventured.
+
+"Phinney," went on the great man briskly, "I want you to give me
+your figures on a house moving deal.  I have bought a house on the
+Shore Road, the one that used to belong to the--er--Smalleys, I
+believe."
+
+Simeon was surprised.  "What, the old Smalley house?" he exclaimed.
+"You don't tell me!"
+
+"Yes, it's a fine specimen--so my wife says--of the pure Colonial,
+whatever that is, and I intend moving it to the Boulevard.  I want
+your figures for the job."
+
+The building mover looked puzzled.  "To the Boulevard?" he said.
+"Why, I didn't know there was a vacant lot on the Boulevard, Mr.
+Williams."
+
+"There isn't now, but there will be soon.  I have got hold of the
+hundred feet left from the old Seabury estate."
+
+Mr. Phinney drew a long breath.  "Why!" he stammered, "that's where
+Olive Edwards--her that was Olive Seabury--lives, ain't it?"
+
+"Yes," was the rather impatient answer.  "She has been living
+there.  But the place was mortgaged up to the handle and--ahem--the
+mortgage is mine now."
+
+For an instant Simeon did not reply.  He was gazing, not up the
+Boulevard in the direction of the "Seabury place" but across the
+slope of the hill toward the home of Captain Sol Berry, the depot
+master.  There was a troubled look on his face.
+
+"Well?" inquired Williams briskly, "when can you give me the
+figures?  They must be low, mind.  No country skin games, you
+understand."
+
+"Hey?"  Phinney came out of his momentary trance.  "Yes, yes, Mr.
+Williams.  They'll be low enough.  Times is kind of dull now and
+I'd like a movin' job first-rate.  I'll give 'em to you to-morrer.
+But--but Olive'll have to move, won't she?  And where's she goin'?"
+
+"She'll have to move, sure.  And the eyesore on that lot now will
+come down."
+
+The "eyesore" was the four room building, combined dwelling and
+shop of Mrs. Olive Edwards, widow of "Bill Edwards," once a
+promising young man, later town drunkard and ne'er-do-well, dead
+these five years, luckily for himself and luckier--in a way--for
+the wife who had stuck by him while he wasted her inheritance in a
+losing battle with John Barleycorn.  At his death the fine old
+Seabury place had dwindled to a lone hundred feet of land, the
+little house, and a mortgage on both.  Olive had opened a "notion
+store" in her front parlor and had fought on, proudly refusing aid
+and trying to earn a living.  She had failed.  Again Phinney stared
+thoughtfully at the distant house of Captain Sol.
+
+"But Olive," he said, slowly.  "She ain't got no folks, has she?
+What'll become of her?  Where'll she move to?"
+
+"That," said Mr. Williams, with a wave of a fat hand, "is not my
+business.  I am sorry for her, if she's hard up.  But I can't be
+responsible if men will drink up their wives' money.  Look out for
+number one; that's business.  I sha'n't be unreasonable with her.
+She can stay where she is until the new house I've bought is moved
+to that lot.  Then she must clear out.  I've told her that.  She
+knows all about it.  Well, good-by, Phinney.  I shall expect your
+bid to-morrow.  And, mind, don't try to get the best of me, because
+you can't do it."
+
+He turned and strutted back up the Boulevard.  Sim Phinney,
+pondering deeply and very grave, continued on his way, down Cross
+Street to Main--naming the village roads was another of the
+Williams' "improvements"--and along that to the crossing, East
+Harniss's business and social center at train times.
+
+The station--everyone called it "deepo," of course--was then a
+small red building, old and out of date, but scrupulously neat
+because of Captain Berry's rigid surveillance.  Close beside it was
+the "Boston Grocery, Dry Goods and General Store," Mr. Beriah
+Higgins, proprietor.  Beriah was postmaster and the post office was
+in his store.  The male citizen of middle age or over, seeking
+opportunity for companionship and chat, usually went first to the
+depot, sat about in the waiting room until the train came in,
+superintended that function, then sojourned to the post office
+until the mail was sorted, returning later, if he happened to be a
+particular friend of the depot master, to sit and smoke and yarn
+until Captain Sol announced that it was time to "turn in."
+
+When Mr. Phinney entered the little waiting room he found it
+already tenanted.  Captain Sol had not yet arrived, but official
+authority was represented by "Issy" McKay--his full name was
+Issachar Ulysses Grant McKay--a long-legged, freckled-faced, tow-
+headed youth of twenty, who, as usual, was sprawled along the
+settee by the wall, engrossed in a paper covered dime novel.
+"Issy" was a lover of certain kinds of literature and reveled in
+lurid fiction.  As a youngster he had, at the age of thirteen,
+after a course of reading in the "Deadwood Dick Library," started
+on a pedestrian journey to the Far West, where, being armed with
+home-made tomahawk and scalping knife, he contemplated
+extermination of the noble red man.  A wrathful pursuing parent had
+collared the exterminator at the Bayport station, to the huge
+delight of East Harniss, young and old.  Since this adventure Issy
+had been famous, in a way.
+
+He was Captain Sol Berry's assistant at the depot.  Why an
+assistant was needed was a much discussed question.  Why Captain
+Sol, a retired seafaring man with money in the bank, should care to
+be depot master at ten dollars a week was another.  The Captain
+himself said he took the place because he wanted to do something
+that was "half way between a loaf and a job."  He employed an
+assistant at his own expense because he "might want to stretch the
+loafin' half."  And he hired Issy because--well, because "most
+folks in East Harniss are alike and you can always tell about what
+they'll say or do.  Now Issy's different.  The Lord only knows what
+HE'S likely to do, and that makes him interestin' as a conundrum,
+to guess at.  He kind of keeps my sense of responsibility from
+gettin' mossy, Issy does."
+
+"Issy," hailed Mr. Phinney, "has the Cap'n got here yet?"
+
+Issy answered not.  The villainous floorwalker had just proffered
+matrimony or summary discharge to "Flora, the Beautiful Shop Girl,"
+and pending her answer, the McKay mind had no room for trifles.
+
+"Issy!" shouted Simeon.  "I say, Is', Wake up, you foolhead!  Has
+Cap'n Sol--"
+
+"No, he ain't, Sim," volunteered Ed Crocker.  He and his chum,
+Cornelius Rowe, were seated in two of the waiting room chairs,
+their feet on two others.  "He ain't got here yet.  We was just
+talkin' about him.  You've heard about Olive Edwards, I s'pose
+likely, ain't you?"
+
+Phinney nodded gloomily.
+
+"Yes," he said, "I've heard."
+
+"Well, it's too bad," continued Crocker.  "But, after all, it's
+Olive's own fault.  She'd ought to have married Sol Berry when she
+had the chance.  What she ever gave him the go-by for, after the
+years they was keepin' comp'ny, is more'n I can understand."
+
+Cornelius Rowe shook his head, with an air of wisdom.  Captain Sol,
+himself, remarked once: "I wonder sometimes the Almighty ain't
+jealous of Cornelius, he knows so much and is so responsible for
+the runnin' of all creation."
+
+"Humph!" grunted Mr. Rowe.  "There's more to that business than you
+folks think.  Olive didn't notice Bill Edwards till Sol went off to
+sea and stayed two years and over.  How do you know she shook Sol?
+You might just as well say he shook her.  He always was stubborn as
+an off ox and cranky as a windlass.  I wonder how he feels now,
+when she's lost her last red and is goin' to be drove out of house
+and home.  And all on account of that fool 'mountain and Mahomet'
+business."
+
+"WHICH?" asked Mr. Crocker.
+
+"Never mind that, Cornelius," put in Phinney, sharply.  "Why don't
+you let other folks' affairs alone?  That was a secret that Olive
+told your sister and you've got no right to go blabbin'."
+
+"Aw, hush up, Sim!  I ain't tellin' no secrets to anybody but Ed
+here, and he ain't lived in East Harniss long or he'd know it
+already.  The mountain and Mahomet?  Why, them was the last words
+Sol and Olive had.  'Twas Sol's stubbornness that was most to
+blame.  That was his one bad fault.  He would have his own way and
+he wouldn't change.  Olive had set her heart on goin' to Washin'ton
+for their weddin' tower.  Sol wanted to go to Niagara.  They argued
+a long time, and finally Olive says, 'No, Solomon, I'm not goin' to
+give in this time.  I have all the others, but it's not fair and
+it's not right, and no married life can be happy where one does all
+the sacrificin'.  If you care for me you'll do as I want now.'
+
+"And he laughs and says, 'All right, I'll sacrifice after this, but
+you and me must see Niagara.'  And she was sot and he was sotter,
+and at last they quarreled.  He marches out of the door and says:
+'Very good.  When you're ready to be sensible and change your mind,
+you can come to me.  And says Olive, pretty white but firm: 'No,
+Solomon, I'm right and you're not.  I'm afraid this time the
+mountain must come to Mahomet.'  That ended it.  He went away and
+never come back, and after a long spell she give in to her dad and
+married Bill Edwards.  Foolish?  'Well, now, WA'N'T it!"
+
+"Humph!" grunted Crocker.  "She must have been a born gump to let a
+smart man like him get away just for that."
+
+"There's a good many born gumps not so far from here as her house,"
+interjected Phinney.  "You remember that next time you look in the
+glass, Ed Crocker.  And--and--well, there's no better friend of Sol
+Berry's on earth than I am, but, so fur as their quarrel was
+concerned, if you ask me I'd have to say Olive was pretty nigh
+right."
+
+"Maybe--maybe," declared the allwise Cornelius, "but just the same
+if I was Sol Berry, and knew my old girl was likely to go to the
+poorhouse, I'll bet my conscience--"
+
+"S-ssh!" hissed Crocker, frantically.  Cornelius stopped in the
+middle of his sentence, whirled in his chair, and looked up.
+Behind him in the doorway of the station stood Captain Sol himself.
+The blue cap he always wore was set back on his head, a cigar
+tipped upward from the corner of his mouth, and there was a grim
+look in his eye and about the smooth shaven lips above the short,
+grayish-brown beard.
+
+"Issy" sprang from his settee and jammed the paper novel into his
+pocket.  Ed Crocker's sunburned face turned redder yet.  Sim
+Phinney grinned at Mr. Rowe, who was very much embarrassed.
+
+"Er--er--evenin', Cap'n Sol," he stammered.  "Nice, seasonable
+weather, ain't it?  Been a nice day."
+
+"Um," grunted the depot master, knocking the ashes from his cigar.
+
+"Just right for workin' outdoor," continued Cornelius.
+
+"I guess it must be.  I saw your wife rakin' the yard this
+mornin'."
+
+Phinney doubled up with a chuckle.  Mr. Rowe swallowed hard.  "I--I
+TOLD her I'd rake it myself soon's I got time," he sputtered.
+
+"Um.  Well, I s'pose she realized your time was precious.  Evenin',
+Sim, glad to see you."
+
+He held out his hand and Phinney grasped it.
+
+"Issy," said Captain Sol, "you'd better get busy with the broom,
+hadn't you.  It's standin' over in that corner and I wouldn't
+wonder if it needed exercise.  Sim, the train ain't due for twenty
+minutes yet.  That gives us at least three quarters of an hour
+afore it gets here.  Come outside a spell.  I want to talk to you."
+
+He led the way to the platform, around the corner of the station,
+and seated himself on the baggage truck.  That side of the
+building, being furthest from the street, was out of view from the
+post office and "general store."
+
+"What was it you wanted to talk about, Sol?" asked Simeon, sitting
+down beside his friend on the truck.
+
+The Captain smoked in silence for a moment.  Then he asked a
+question in return.
+
+"Sim," he said, "have you heard anything about Williams buying the
+Smalley house?  Is it true?"
+
+Phinney nodded.  "Yup," he answered, "it's true.  Williams was just
+talkin' to me and I know all about his buyin' it and where it's
+goin'."
+
+He repeated the conversation with the great man.  Captain Sol did
+not interrupt.  He smoked on, and a frown gathered and deepened as
+he listened.
+
+"Humph!" he said, when his friend had concluded.  "Humph!  Sim, do
+you have any idea what--what Olive Seabury will do when she has to
+go?"
+
+Phinney glanced at him.  It was the first time in twenty years that
+he had heard Solomon Berry mention the name of his former
+sweetheart.  And even now he did not call her by her married name,
+the name of her late husband.
+
+"No," replied Simeon.  "No, Sol, I ain't got the least idea.  Poor
+thing!"
+
+Another interval.  Then: "Well, Sim, find out if you can, and let
+me know.  And," turning his head and speaking quietly but firmly,
+"don't let anybody ELSE know I asked."
+
+"Course I won't, Sol, you know that.  But don't it seem awful mean
+turnin' her out so?  I wouldn't think Mr. Williams would do such a
+thing."
+
+His companion smiled grimly; "I would," he said.  "'Business is
+business,' that's his motto.  That and 'Look out for number one.'"
+
+"Yes, he said somethin' to me about lookin' out for number one."
+
+"Did he?  Humph!"  The Captain's smile lost a little of its
+bitterness and broadened.  He seemed to be thinking and to find
+amusement in the process.
+
+"What you grinnin' at?" demanded Phinney.
+
+"Oh, I was just rememberin' how he looked out for number one the
+first--no, the second time I met him.  I don't believe he's forgot
+it.  Maybe that's why he ain't quite so high and mighty to me as he
+is to the rest of you fellers.  Ha! ha!  He tried to patronize me
+when I first came back here and took this depot and I just smiled
+and asked him what the market price of johnny-cake was these days.
+He got red clear up to the brim of his tall hat.  Humph! 'TWAS
+funny."
+
+"The market price of JOHNNY-CAKE!  He must have thought you was
+loony."
+
+"No.  I'm the last man he'd think was loony.  You see I met him a
+fore he came here to live at all."
+
+"You did?  Where?"
+
+"Oh, over to Wellmouth.  'Twas the year afore I come back to East
+Harniss, myself, after my long stretch away from it.  I never
+intended to see the Cape again, but I couldn't stay away somehow.
+I've told you that much--how I went over to Wellmouth and boarded a
+spell, got sick of that, and, just to be doin' somethin' and not
+for the money, bought a catboat and took out sailin' parties from
+Wixon and Wingate's summer hotel."
+
+"And you met Mr. Williams?  Well, I snum!  Was he at the hotel?"
+
+"No, not exactly.  I met him sort of casual this second time."
+
+"SECOND time?  Had you met him afore that?"
+
+"Don't get ahead of the yarn, Sim.  It happened this way: You see,
+I was comin' along the road between East Wellmouth and the Center
+when I run afoul of him.  He was fat and shiny, and drivin' a
+skittish horse hitched to a fancy buggy.  When he sighted me he
+hove to and hailed.
+
+"'Here you!' says he, in a voice as fat as the rest of him.  'Your
+name's Berry, ain't it.'
+
+"'Yup,' says I.
+
+"'Methusalum Berry or Jehoshaphat Berry or Sheba Berry, or
+somethin' like that?  Hey?' he says.
+
+"'Well,' says I, 'the last shot you fired comes nighest the bull's
+eye.  They christened me Solomon, but 'twa'n't my fault; I was
+young at the time and they took advantage.'
+
+"He grinned a kind of lopsided grin, like he had a lemon in his
+mouth, and commenced to cuss the horse for tryin' to climb a pine
+tree.
+
+"'I knew 'twas some Bible outrage or other,' he says.  'There's
+more Bible names in this forsaken sand heap than there is
+Christians, a good sight.  When I meet a man with a Bible name and
+chin whiskers I hang on to my watch.  The feller that sets out to
+do me has got to have a better make up than that, you bet your
+life.  'Well, see here, King Sol; can you run a gasoline launch?'
+
+"'Why, yes, I guess I can run 'most any of the everyday kinds,'
+says I, pullin' thoughtful at my own chin whiskers.  This fat man
+had got me interested.  He was so polite and folksy in his remarks.
+Didn't seem to stand on no ceremony, as you might say.  Likewise
+there was a kind of familiar somethin' about his face.  I knew
+mighty well I'd never met him afore, and yet I seemed to have a
+floatin' memory of him, same as a chap remembers the taste of the
+senna and salts his ma made him take when he was little.
+
+"'All right,' says he, sharp.  'Then you come around to my landin'
+to-morrer mornin' at eight o'clock prompt and take me out in my
+launch to the cod-fishin' grounds.  I'll give you ten dollars to
+take me out there and back.'
+
+"'Well,' says I, 'ten dollars is a good price enough.  Do I
+furnish--'
+
+"'You furnish nothin' except your grub,' he interrupts.  'The
+launch'll be ready and the lines and hooks and bait'll be ready.
+My own man was to do the job, but he and I had a heart-to-heart
+talk just now and I told him where he could go and go quick.  No
+smart Alec gets the best of me, even if he has got a month's
+contract.  You run that launch and put me on the fishin' grounds.
+I pay you for that and bringin' me back again.  And I furnish my
+own extras and you can furnish yours.  I don't want any of your
+Yankee bargainin'.  See?'
+
+"I saw.  There wa'n't no real reason why I couldn't take the job.
+'Twas well along into September; the hotel was closed for the
+season; and about all I had on my hands just then was time.
+
+"'All right,' says I, 'it's a deal.  If you'll guarantee to have
+your launch ready, I--'
+
+"'That's my business,' he says.  'It'll be ready.  If it ain't
+you'll get your pay just the same.  To-morrer mornin' at eight
+o'clock.  And don't you forget and be late.  Gid-dap, you
+blackguard!' says he to the horse.
+
+"'Hold on, just a minute,' I hollers, runnin' after him.  'I don't
+want to be curious nor nosey, you understand, but seems 's if it
+might help me to be on time if I knew where your launch was goin'
+to be and what your name was.'
+
+"He pulled up then.  'Humph!' he says, 'if you don't know my name
+and more about my private affairs than I do myself, you're the only
+one in this county that don't.  My name's Williams, and I live in
+what you folks call the Lathrop place over here toward Trumet.  The
+launch is at my landin' down in front of the house.'
+
+"He drove off then and I walked along thinkin'.  I knew who he was
+now, of course.  There was consider'ble talk when the Lathrop place
+was rented, and I gathered that the feller who hired it answered to
+the hail of Williams and was a retired banker, sufferin' from an
+enlarged income and the diseases that go along with it.  He lived
+alone up there in the big house, except for a cranky housekeeper
+and two or three servants.  This was afore he got married, Sim; his
+wife's tamed him a little.  Then the yarns about his temper and
+language would have filled a log book.
+
+"But all this was way to one side of the mark-buoy, so fur as I was
+concerned.  I'd cruised with cranks afore and I thought I could
+stand this one--ten dollars' worth of him, anyhow.  Bluster and big
+talk may scare some folks, but to me they're like Aunt Hepsy
+Parker's false teeth, the further off you be from 'em the more real
+they look.  So the next mornin' I was up bright and early and on my
+way over to the Lathrop landin'.
+
+"The launch was there, made fast alongside the little wharf.  Nice,
+slick-lookin' craft she was, too, all varnish and gilt
+gorgeousness.  I'd liked her better if she'd carried a sail, for
+it's my experience that canvas is a handy thing to have aboard in
+case of need; but she looked seaworthy enough and built for speed.
+
+"While I was standin' on the pier lookin' down at her I heard
+footsteps and brisk remarks from behind the bushes on the bank, and
+here comes Williams, puffin' and blowin', followed by a sulky-
+lookin' hired man totin' a deckload of sweaters and ileskins, with
+a lunch basket on top.  Williams himself wan't carryin' anything
+but his temper, but he hadn't forgot none of that.
+
+"'Hello, Berry,' says he to me.  'You are on time, ain't you.
+Blessed if it ain't a comfort to find somebody who'll do what I
+tell 'em.  Now you,' he says to the servant, 'put them things
+aboard and clear out as quick as you've a mind to.  You and I are
+through; understand?  Don't let me find you hangin' around the
+place when I get back.  Cast off, Sol.'
+
+"The man dumped the dunnage into the launch, pretty average ugly,
+and me and the boss climbed aboard.  I cast off.
+
+"'Mr. Williams,' says the man, kind of pleadin', 'ain't you goin'
+to pay me the rest of my month's wages?'
+
+"Williams told him he wa'n't, and added trimmin's to make it
+emphatic.
+
+"I started the engine and we moved out at a good clip.  All at once
+that hired man runs to the end of the wharf and calls after us.
+
+"'All right for you, you fat-head!' he yells.  'You'll be sorry for
+what you done to me.'
+
+"I cal'late the boss would have liked to go back and lick him, but
+I was hired to go a-fishin', not to watch a one-sided prize fight,
+and I thought 'twas high time we started.
+
+"The name of that launch was the Shootin' Star, and she certainly
+lived up to it.  'Twas one of them slick, greasy days, with no sea
+worth mentionin' and we biled along fine.  We had to, because the
+cod ledge is a good many mile away, 'round Sandy P'int out to sea,
+and, judgin' by what I'd seen of Fatty so fur, I wa'n't hankerin'
+to spend more time with him than was necessary.  More'n that, there
+was fog signs showin'.
+
+"'When was you figgerin' on gettin' back, Mr. Williams?' I asked
+him.
+
+"'When I've caught as many fish as I want to,' he says.  'I told
+that housekeeper of mine that I'd be back when I got good and
+ready; it might be to-night and it might be ten days from now.  "If
+I ain't back in a week you can hunt me up," I told her; "but not
+before.  And that goes."  I've got HER trained all right.  She
+knows me.  It's a pity if a man can't be independent of females.'
+
+"I knew consider'ble many men that was subjects for pity, 'cordin'
+to that rule.  But I wa'n't in for no week's cruise, and I told him
+so.  He said of course not; we'd be home that evenin'.
+
+"The Shootin' Star kept slippin' along.  'Twas a beautiful mornin'
+and, after a spell, it had its effect, even on a crippled
+disposition like that banker man's.  He lit up a cigar and begun to
+get more sociable, in his way.  Commenced to ask me questions about
+myself.
+
+"By and by he says: 'Berry, I suppose you figger that it's a smart
+thing to get ten dollars out of me for a trip like this, hey?'
+
+"'Not if it's to last a week, I don't,' says I.
+
+"'It's your lookout if it does,' he says prompt.  'You get ten for
+takin' me out and back.  If you ain't back on time 'tain't my
+fault.'
+
+"'Unless this craft breaks down,' I says.
+
+"''Twon't break down.  I looked after that.  My motto is to look
+out for number one every time, and it's a mighty good motto.  At
+any rate, it's made my money for me.'
+
+"He went on, preachin' about business shrewdness and how it paid,
+and how mean and tricky in little deals we Rubes was, and yet we
+didn't appreciate how to manage big things, till I got kind of sick
+of it.
+
+"'Look here, Mr. Williams,' says I, 'you know how I make my money--
+what little I do make--or you say you do.  Now, if it ain't a sassy
+question, how did you make yours?'
+
+"Well, he made his by bein' shrewd and careful and always lookin'
+out for number one.  'Number one' was his hobby.  I gathered that
+the heft of his spare change had come from dickers in stocks and
+bonds.
+
+"'Humph!' says I.  'Well, speakin' of tricks and meanness, I've
+allers heard tell that there was some of them things hitched to the
+tail of the stock market.  What makes the stock market price of--
+well, of wheat, we'll say?'
+
+"That was regulated, so he said, by the law of supply and demand.
+If a feller had all the wheat there was and another chap had to
+have some or starve, why, the first one had a right to gouge
+t'other chap's last cent away from him afore he let it go.
+
+"'That's legitimate,' he says.  'That's cornerin' the market.  Law
+of supply and demand exemplified.'
+
+"''Cordin' to that law,' says I, 'when you was so set on fishin'
+to-day and hunted me up to run your boat here--'cause I was about
+the only chap who could run it and wa'n't otherwise busy--I'd ought
+to have charged you twenty dollars instead of ten.'
+
+"'Sure you had,' he says, grinnin'.  'But you weren't shrewd enough
+to grasp the situation and do it.  Now the deal's closed and it's
+too late.'
+
+"He went on talkin' about 'pools' and deals' and such.  How prices
+of this stock and that was shoved up a-purpose till a lot of folks
+had put their money in it and then was smashed flat so's all hands
+but the 'poolers' would be what he called 'squeezed out,' and the
+gang would get their cash.  That was legitimate, too--'high
+finance,' he said.
+
+"'But how about the poor folks that had their savin's in them
+stocks,' I asks, 'and don't know high financin'?  Where's the law
+of supply and demand come in for them?'
+
+"He laughed.  'They supply the suckers and the demand for money,'
+says he.
+
+"By eleven we was well out toward the fishin' grounds.  'Twas the
+bad season now; the big fish had struck off still further and there
+wa'n't another boat in sight.  The land was just a yeller and green
+smooch along the sky line and the waves was runnin' bigger.  The
+Shootin' Star was seaworthy, though, and I wa'n't worried about
+her.  The only thing that troubled me was the fog, and that was
+pilin' up to wind'ard.  I'd called Fatty's attention to it when we
+fust started, but he said he didn't care a red for fog.  Well, I
+didn't much care nuther, for we had a compass aboard and the engine
+was runnin' fine.  What wind there was was blowin' offshore.
+
+"And then, all to once, the engine STOPPED runnin'.  I give the
+wheel a whirl, but she only coughed, consumptive-like, and quit
+again.  I went for'ard to inspect, and, if you'll believe it, there
+wa'n't a drop of gasoline left in the tank.  The spare cans had
+ought to have been full, and they was--but 'twas water they was
+filled with.
+
+"'Is THIS the way you have your boat ready for me?' I remarks,
+sarcastic.
+
+"'That--that man of mine told me he had everything filled,' he
+stammers, lookin' scart.
+
+"'Yes,' says I, 'and I heard him hint likewise that he was goin' to
+make you sorry.  I guess he's done it.'
+
+"Well, sir! the brimstone names that Fatty called that man was
+somethin' surprisin' to hear.  When he'd used up all he had in
+stock he invented new ones.  When the praise service was over he
+turns to me and says: 'But what are we goin' to do?'
+
+"'Do?' says I.  'That's easy.  We're goin' to drift.'
+
+"And that's what we done.  I tried to anchor, but we wa'n't over
+the ledge and the iron wouldn't reach bottom by a mile, more or
+less.  I rigged up a sail out of the oar and the canvas spray
+shield, but there wa'n't wind enough to give us steerageway.  So we
+drifted and drifted, out to sea.  And by and by the fog come down
+and shut us in, and that fixed what little hope I had of bein' seen
+by the life patrol on shore.
+
+"The breeze died out flat about three o'clock.  In one way this was
+a good thing.  In another it wa'n't, because we was well out in
+deep water, and when the wind did come it was likely to come
+harder'n we needed.  However, there wa'n't nothin' to do but wait
+and hope for the best, as the feller said when his wife's mother
+was sick.
+
+"It was gettin' pretty well along toward the edge of the evenin'
+when I smelt the wind a-comin'.  It came in puffs at fust, and
+every puff was healthier than the one previous.  Inside of ten
+minutes it was blowin' hard, and the seas were beginnin' to kick
+up.  I got up my jury rig--the oar and the spray shield--and took
+the helm.  There wa'n't nothin' to do but run afore it, and the
+land knows where we would fetch up.  At any rate, if the compass
+was right, we was drivin' back into the bay again, for the wind had
+hauled clear around.
+
+"The Shootin' Star jumped and sloshed.  Fatty had on all the
+ileskins and sweaters, but he was shakin' like a custard pie.
+
+"'Oh, oh, heavens!' he chatters.  'What will we do?  Will we
+drown?'
+
+"'Don't know,' says I, tuggin' at the wheel and tryin' to sight the
+compass.  'You've got the best chance of the two of us, if it's
+true that fat floats.'
+
+"I thought that might cheer him up some, but it didn't.  A big wave
+heeled us over then and a keg or two of salt water poured over the
+gunwale.  He give a yell and jumped up.
+
+"'My Lord!' he screams.  'We're sinkin'.  Help! help!'
+
+"'Set down!' I roared.  'Thought you knew how to act in a boat.
+Set down! d'you hear me?  SET DOWN AND SET STILL!'
+
+"He set.  Likewise he shivered and groaned.  It got darker all the
+time and the wind freshened every minute.  I expected to see that
+jury mast go by the board at any time.  Lucky for us it held.
+
+"No use tellin' about the next couple of hours.  'Cordin' to my
+reckonin' they was years and we'd ought to have sailed plumb
+through the broadside of the Cape, and be makin' a quick run for
+Africy.  But at last we got into smoother water, and then, right
+acrost our bows, showed up a white strip.  The fog had pretty well
+blowed clear and I could see it.
+
+"'Land, ho!' I yells.  'Stand by!  WE'RE goin' to bump.'"
+
+Captain Sol stopped short and listened.  Mr. Phinney grasped his
+arm.
+
+"For the dear land sakes, Sol," he exclaimed, "don't leave me
+hangin' in them breakers no longer'n you can help!  Heave ahead!
+DID you bump?"
+
+The depot master chuckled.
+
+"DID we?" he repeated.  "Well, I'll tell you that by and by.  Here
+comes the train and I better take charge of the ship.  Anything so
+responsible as seein' the cars come in without me to help would
+give Issy the jumpin' heart disease."
+
+He sprang from the truck and hastened toward the door of the
+station.  Phinney, rising to follow him, saw, over the dark green
+of the swamp cedars at the head of the track, an advancing column
+of smoke.  A whistle sounded.  The train was coming in.
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+SUPPLY AND DEMAND
+
+
+And now life in East Harniss became temporarily fevered.  Issy
+McKay dashed out of the station and rushed importantly up and down
+the platform.  Ed Crocker and Cornelius Rowe emerged and draped
+themselves in statuesque attitudes against the side of the
+building.  Obed Gott came hurrying from his paint and oil shop,
+which was next to the "general store."  Mr. Higgins, proprietor of
+the latter, sauntered easily across to receive, in his official
+capacity as postmaster, the mail bag.  Ten or more citizens, of
+both sexes, and of various ages, gathered in groups to inspect and
+supervise.
+
+The locomotive pulled its string of cars, a "baggage," a "smoker,"
+and two "passengers," alongside the platform.  The sliding door of
+the baggage car was pushed back and the baggage master appeared in
+the opening.  "Hi! Cap’n!" he shouted.  "Hi, Cap’n Sol!  Here’s
+some express for you."
+
+But unfortunately the Captain was in conversation with the
+conductor at the other end of the train.  Issy, willing and
+officious, sprang forward.  "I’ll take it, Bill," he volunteered.
+"Here, give it to me."
+
+The baggage master handed down the package, a good sized one marked
+"Glass.  With Care."  Issy received it, clutched it to his bosom,
+turned and saw Gertie Higgins, pretty daughter of Beriah Higgins,
+stepping from the first car to the platform.  Gertie had been
+staying with an aunt in Trumet and was now returning home for a day
+or two.
+
+Issy stopped short and gazed at her.  He saw her meet and kiss her
+father, and the sight roused turbulent emotions in his bosom.  He
+saw her nod and smile at acquaintances whom she passed.  She
+approached, noticed him, and--oh, rapture!--said laughingly,
+"Hello, Is."  Before he could recover his senses and remember to do
+more than grin she had disappeared around the corner of the
+station.  Therefore he did not see the young man who stepped
+forward to shake her hand and whisper in her ear.  This young man
+was Sam Bartlett, and, as a "city dude," Issy loathed and hated him.
+
+No, Issy did not see the hurried and brief meeting between Bartlett
+and Gertie Higgins, but he had seen enough to cause forgetfulness
+of mundane things.  For an instant he stared after the vanished
+vision.  Then he stepped blindly forward, tripped over something--
+"his off hind leg," so Captain Sol afterwards vowed--and fell
+sprawling, the express package beneath him.
+
+The crash of glass reached the ears of the depot master.  He broke
+away from the conductor and ran toward his prostrate "assistant."
+Pushing aside the delighted and uproarious bystanders, he forcibly
+helped the young man to rise.
+
+"What in time?" he demanded.
+
+Issy agonizingly held the package to his ear and shook it.
+
+"I--I'm afraid somethin's cracked," he faltered.
+
+The crowd set up a whoop.  Ed Crocker appeared to be in danger of
+strangling.
+
+"Cracked!" repeated Captain Sol.  "Cracked!" he smiled, in spite of
+himself.  "Yes, somethin's cracked.  It's that head of yours, Issy.
+Here, let's see!"
+
+He snatched the package from the McKay hands and inspected it.
+
+"Smashed to thunder!" he declared.  "Who's the lucky one it belongs
+to?  Humph!"  He read the inscription aloud, "Major Cuthbertson S.
+Hardee.  The Major, hey! . . .  Well, Is, you take the remains
+inside and you and I'll hold services over it later."
+
+"I--I didn't go to do it," protested the frightened Issy.
+
+"Course you didn't.  If you had you wouldn't.  You're like the
+feller in Scriptur', you leave undone the things you ought to do
+and do them that--All right, Jim!  Let her go!  Cast off!"
+
+The conductor waved his hand, the engine puffed, the bell rang, and
+the train moved onward.  For another twelve hours East Harniss was
+left marooned by the outside world.
+
+Beriah Higgins and the mail bag were already in the post office.
+Thither went the crowd to await the sorting and ultimate
+distribution.  A short, fat little man lingered and, walking up to
+the depot master, extended his hand.
+
+"Hello, Sol!" he said, smiling.  "Thought I'd stop long enough to
+say 'Howdy,' anyhow."
+
+"Why, Bailey Stitt!" cried the Captain.  "How are you?  Glad to see
+you.  Thought you was down to South Orham, takin' out seasick
+parties for the Ocean House, same kind of a job I used to have in
+Wellmouth."
+
+"I am," replied Captain Stitt.  "That is, I was.  Just now I've run
+over here to see about contractin' for a supply of clams and
+quahaugs for our boarders.  You never see such a gang to eat as
+them summer folks, in your life.  Barzilla Wingate, he says the
+same about his crowd.  He's comin' on the mornin' train from
+Wellmouth."
+
+"You don't tell me.  I ain't seen Barzilla for a long spell.  Where
+you stoppin'?  Come up to the house, won't you?"
+
+"Can't.  I'm goin' to put up over to Obed Gott's.  His sister,
+Polena Ginn, is a relation of mine by marriage.  So long!  Obed's
+gone on ahead to tell Polena to put the kettle on.  Maybe Obed and
+I'll be back again after I've had supper."
+
+"Do.  I'll be round here for two or three hours yet."
+
+He entered the depot.  Except the forlorn Issy, who sat in a
+corner, holding the express package in his lap, Simeon Phinney was
+the only person in the waiting room.
+
+"Come on now, Sol!" pleaded Sim.  "I want to hear the rest of that
+about you and Williams.  You left off in the most ticklish place
+possible, out of spite, I do believe.  I'm hangin' on to that boat
+in the breakers until I declare I believe I'm catchin' cold just
+from imagination."
+
+"Wait a minute, Sim," said the depot master.  Then he turned to his
+assistant.
+
+"Issy," he said, "this is about the nineteenth time you've done
+just this sort of thing.  You're no earthly use and I ought to give
+you your clearance papers.  But I can't, you're too--well--
+ornamental.  You've got to be punished somehow and I guess the best
+way will be to send you right up to Major Hardee's and let you give
+him the remnants.  He'll want to know how it happened, and you tell
+him the truth.  The TRUTH, understand?  If you invent any fairy
+tales out of those novels of yours I'll know it by and by and--
+well, YOU'LL know I know.  No remarks, please.  Git!"
+
+Issy hesitated, seemed about to speak, thought better of it, took
+up package and cap, and "got."
+
+"Let's see," said the Captain, sitting down in one of the station
+chairs and lighting a fresh cigar; "where was Williams and I in
+that yarn of mine?  Oh, yes, I could see land and cal'lated we was
+goin' to bump.  Well, we did.  Steerin' anyways but dead ahead was
+out of the question, and all I could do was set my teeth and trust
+in my bein' a member of the church.  The Shootin' Star hit that
+beach like she was the real article.  Overboard went oar and canvas
+and grub pails, and everything else that wa'n't nailed down,
+includin' Fatty and me.  I grabbed him by the collar and wallowed
+ashore.
+
+"'Awk! hawk!' he gasps, chokin', 'I'm drownded.'
+
+"I let him BE drownded, for the minute.  I had the launch to think
+of, and somehow or 'nother I got hold of her rodin' and hauled the
+anchor up above tide mark.  Then I attended to my passenger.
+
+"'Where are we?' he asks.
+
+"I looked around.  Close by was nothin' but beach-grass and seaweed
+and sand.  A little ways off was a clump of scrub pines and
+bayberry bushes that looked sort of familiar.  And back of them was
+a little board shanty that looked more familiar still.  I rubbed
+the salt out of my eyes.
+
+"'WELL!' says I.  'I swan to man!'
+
+"'What is it?' he says.  'Do you know where we are?  Whose house is
+that?'
+
+I looked hard at the shanty.
+
+"'Humph!' I grunted.  'I do declare!  Talk about a feller's comin'
+back to his own.  Whose shanty is that?  Well, it's mine, if you
+want to know.  The power that looks out for the lame and the lazy
+has hove us ashore on Woodchuck Island, and that's a piece of real
+estate I own.'
+
+"It sounds crazy enough, that's a fact; but it was true.  Woodchuck
+Island is a little mite of a sand heap off in the bay, two mile
+from shore and ten from the nighest town.  I'd bought it and put up
+a shanty for a gunnin' shack; took city gunners down there, once in
+a while, the fall before.  That summer I'd leased it to a friend of
+mine, name of Darius Baker, who used it while he was lobsterin'.
+The gale had driven us straight in from sea, 'way past Sandy P'int
+and on to the island.  'Twas like hittin' a nail head in a board
+fence, but we'd done it.  Shows what Providence can do when it sets
+out.
+
+"I explained some of this to Williams as we waded through the sand
+to the shanty.
+
+"'But is this Baker chap here now?' he asks.
+
+"'I'm afraid not,' says I.  'The lobster season's about over, and
+he was goin' South on a yacht this week.  Still, he wa'n't to go
+till Saturday and perhaps--'
+
+"But the shanty was empty when we got there.  I fumbled around in
+the tin matchbox and lit the kerosene lamp in the bracket on the
+wall.  Then I turned to Williams.
+
+"'Well,' says I, 'we're lucky for once in--'
+
+"Then I stopped.  When he went overboard the water had washed off
+his hat.  Likewise it had washed off his long black hair--which was
+a wig--and his head was all round and shiny and bald, like a gull's
+egg out in a rain storm."
+
+"I knew he wore a wig," interrupted Phinney.
+
+"Of course you do.  Everybody does now.  But he wa'n't such a
+prophet in Israel then as he's come to be since, and folks wa'n't
+acquainted with his personal beauties.
+
+"'What are you starin' at?' he asks.
+
+"I fetched a long breath.  'Nothin',' says I.  'Nothin'.'
+
+"But for the rest of that next ha'f hour I went around in a kind of
+daze, as if MY wig had gone and part of my head with it.  When a
+feller has been doin' a puzzle it kind of satisfies him to find out
+the answer.  And I'd done my puzzle.
+
+"I knew where I'd met Mr. Williams afore."
+
+"You did?" cried Simeon.
+
+"Um-hm.  Wait a while.  Well, Fatty went to bed, in one of the hay
+bunks, pretty soon after that.  He stripped to his underclothes and
+turned in under the patchwork comforters.  He was too beat out to
+want any supper, even if there'd been any in sight.  I built a fire
+in the rusty cook stove and dried his duds and mine.  Then I set
+down in the busted chair and begun to think.  After a spell I got
+up and took account of stock, as you might say, of the eatables in
+the shanty.  Darius had carted off his own grub and what there was
+on hand was mine, left over from the gunnin' season--a hunk of salt
+pork in the pickle tub, some corn meal in a tin pail, some musty
+white flour in another pail, a little coffee, a little sugar and
+salt, and a can of condensed milk.  I took these things out of the
+locker they was in, looked 'em over, put 'em back again and sprung
+the padlock.  Then I put the key into my pocket and went back to my
+chair to do some more thinkin'.
+
+"Next mornin' I was up early and when the banker turned out I was
+fryin' a couple of slices of the pork and had some coffee b'ilin'.
+Likewise there was a pan of johnnycake in the oven.  The wind had
+gone down consider'ble, but 'twas foggy and thick again, which was
+a pleasin' state of things for yours truly.
+
+"Williams smelt the cookin' almost afore he got his eyes open.
+
+"'Hurry up with that breakfast,' he says to me.  'I'm hungry as a
+wolf.'
+
+"I didn't say nothin' then; just went ahead with my cookin'.  He
+got into his clothes and went outdoor.  Pretty soon he comes back,
+cussin' the weather.
+
+"'See here, Mr. Williams,' says I, 'how about them orders to your
+housekeeper?  Are they straight?  Won't she have you hunted up for
+a week?'
+
+"He colored pretty red, but from what he said I made out that she
+wouldn't.  I gathered that him and the old lady wa'n't real chummy.
+She give him his grub and her services, and he give her the Old
+Harry and her wages.  She wouldn't hunt for him, not until she was
+ordered to.  She'd be only too glad to have him out of the way.
+
+"'Humph!' says I.  'Then I cal'late we'll enjoy the scenery on this
+garden spot of creation until the week's up.'
+
+"'What do you mean?' says he.
+
+"'Well,' I says, 'the launch is out of commission, unless it should
+rain gasoline, and at this time of year there ain't likely to be a
+boat within hailin' distance of this island; 'specially if the
+weather holds bad.'
+
+"He swore a blue streak, payin' partic'lar attention to the
+housekeeper for her general stupidness and to me because I'd got
+him, so he said, into this scrape.  I didn't say nothin'; set the
+table, with one plate and one cup and sasser and knife and fork,
+hauled up a chair and set down to my breakfast.  He hauled up a box
+and set down, too.
+
+"'Pass me that corn bread,' says he.  'And why didn't you fry more
+pork?'
+
+"He was reachin' out for the johnnycake, but I pulled it out of his
+way.
+
+"'Wait a minute, Mr. Williams,' says I.  'While you was snoozin'
+last night I made out a kind of manifest of the vittles aboard this
+shanty.  'Cordin' to my figgerin' here's scursely enough to last
+one husky man a week, let along two husky ones.  I paid
+consider'ble attention to your preachin' yesterday and the text
+seemed to be to look out for number one.  Now in this case I'm the
+one and I've got to look out for myself.  This is my shanty, my
+island, and my grub.  So please keep your hands off that
+johnnycake.'
+
+"For a minute or so he set still and stared at me.  Didn't seem to
+sense the situation, as you might say.  Then the red biled up in
+his face and over his bald head like a Fundy tide.
+
+"'Why, you dummed villain!' he shouts.  'Do you mean to starve me?'
+
+"'You won't starve in a week,' says I, helpin' myself to pork.  'A
+feller named Tanner, that I read about years ago, lived for forty
+days on cold water and nothin' else.  There's the pump right over
+in the corner.  It's my pump, but I'll stretch a p'int and not
+charge for it this time.'
+
+"'You--you--' he stammers, shakin' all over, he was so mad.
+'Didn't I hire you--'
+
+"'You hired me to take you out to the fishin' grounds and back,
+provided the launch was made ready by YOU.  It wa'n't ready, so
+THAT contract's busted.  And you was to furnish your extrys and I
+was to furnish mine.  Here they be and I need 'em.  It's as
+legitimate a deal as ever I see; perfect case of supply and demand--
+supply for one and demand for two.  As I said afore, I'm the one.'
+
+"'By thunder!' he growls, standin' up, 'I'll show you--'
+
+"I stood up, too.  He was fat and flabby and I was thin and wiry.
+We looked each other over.
+
+"'I wouldn't,' says I.  'You're under the doctor's care, you know.'
+
+"So he set down again, not havin' strength even to swear, and
+watched me eat my breakfast.  And I ate it slow.
+
+"'Say,' he says, finally, 'you think you're mighty smart, don't
+you.  Well, I'm It, I guess, for this time.  I suppose you'll have
+no objection to SELLIN' me a breakfast?'
+
+"'No--o,' says I, 'not a mite of objection.  I'll sell you a couple
+of slices of pork for five dollars a slice and--'
+
+"'FIVE DOLLARS a--!'  His mouth dropped open like a main hatch.
+
+"'Sartin,' I says.  'And two slabs of johnnycake at five dollars a
+slab.  And a cup of coffee at five dollars a cup.  And--'
+
+"'You're crazy!' he sputters, jumpin' up.
+
+"'Not much, I ain't.  I've been settin' at your feet larnin' high
+finance, that's all.  You don't seem to be onto the real inwardness
+of this deal.  I've got the grub market cornered, that's all.  The
+market price of necessaries is five dollars each now; it's likely
+to rise at any time, but now it's five.'
+
+"He looked at me steady for at least two more minutes.  Then he got
+up and banged out of that shanty.  A little later I see him down at
+the end of the sand spit starin' out into the fog; lookin' for a
+sail, I presume likely.
+
+"I finished my breakfast and washed up the dishes.  He come in by
+and by.  He hadn't had no dinner nor supper, you see, and the salt
+air gives most folks an almighty appetite.
+
+"'Say,' he says, 'I've been thinkin'.  It's usual in the stock and
+provision market to deal on a margin.  Suppose I pay you a one per
+cent margin now and--'
+
+"'All right,' says I, cheerful.  'Then I'll give you a slip of
+paper sayin' that you've bought such and such slices of pork and
+hunks of johnnycake and I'm carryin' 'em for you on a margin.  Of
+course there ain't no delivery of the goods now because--'
+
+"'Humph!' he interrupts, sour.  'You seem to know more'n I thought
+you did.  Now are you goin' to be decent and make me a fair price
+or ain't you?'
+
+"'Can't sell under the latest quotations,' says I.  'That's five
+now; and spot cash.'
+
+"'But hang it all!' he says, 'I haven't got money enough with me.
+Think I carry a national bank around in my clothes?'
+
+"'You carry a Wellmouth Bank check book,' says I, 'because I see it
+in your jacket pocket last night when I was dryin' your duds.  I'll
+take a check.'
+
+"He started to say somethin' and then stopped.  After a spell he
+seemed to give in all to once.
+
+"'Very good,' he says.  'You get my breakfast ready and I'll make
+out the check.'
+
+"That breakfast cost him twenty-five dollars; thirty really,
+because he added another five for an extry cup of coffee.  I told
+him to make the check payable to 'Bearer,' as 'twas quicker to
+write than 'Solomon.'
+
+"He had two more meals that day and at bedtime I had his checks
+amountin' to ninety-five dollars.  The fog stayed with us all the
+time and nobody come to pick us up.  And the next mornin's outlook
+was just as bad, bein' a drizzlin' rain and a high wind.  The
+mainland beach was in sight but that's all except salt water and
+rain.
+
+"He was surprisin'ly cheerful all that day, eatin' like a horse and
+givin' up his meal checks without a whimper.  If things had been
+different from what they was I'd have felt like a mean sneak thief.
+BEIN' as they was, I counted up the hundred and ten I'd made that
+day without a pinch of conscience.
+
+"This was a Wednesday.  On Thursday, the third day of our Robinson
+Crusoe business, the weather was still thick, though there was
+signs of clearin'.  Fatty come to me after breakfast--which cost
+him thirty-five, payable, as usual, to 'Bearer'--with almost a grin
+on his big face.
+
+"'Berry,' he says, 'I owe you an apology.  I thought you was a
+green Rube, like the rest down here, but you're as sharp as they
+make 'em.  I ain't the man to squeal when I get let in on a bad
+deal, and the chap who can work me for a sucker is entitled to all
+he can make.  But this pay-as-you-go business is too slow and
+troublesome.  What'll you take for the rest of the grub in the
+locker there, spot cash?  Be white, and make a fair price.'
+
+"I'd been expectin' somethin' like this, and I was ready for him.
+
+"'Two hundred and sixty-five dollars,' says I, prompt.
+
+"He done a little figgerin'.  'Well, allowin' that I have to put up
+on this heap of desolation for the better part of four days more,
+that's cheap, accordin' to your former rates,' he says.  'I'll go
+you.  But why not make it two fifty, even?'
+
+"'Two hundred and sixty-five's my price,' says I.  So he handed
+over another 'Bearer' check, and his board bill was paid for a
+week.
+
+"Friday was a fine day, clear as a bell.  Me and Williams had a
+real picnicky, sociable time.  Livin' outdoor this way had made him
+forget his diseases and the doctor, and he showed signs of bein'
+ha'fway decent.  We loafed around and talked and dug clams to help
+out the pork--that is, I dug 'em and Fatty superintended.  We see
+no less'n three sailin' craft go by down the bay and tried our best
+to signal 'em, but they didn't pay attention--thought we was
+gunners or somethin', I presume likely.
+
+"At breakfast on Saturday, Williams begun to ask questions again.
+
+"'Sol,' says he, 'it surprised me to find that you knew what a
+"margin" was.  You didn't get that from anything I said.  Where did
+you get it?'
+
+"I leaned back on my box seat.
+
+"'Mr. Williams,' says I, 'I cal'late I'll tell you a little story,
+if you want to hear it.  'Tain't much of a yarn, as yarns go, but
+maybe it'll interest you.  The start of it goes back to
+consider'ble many year ago, when I was poorer'n I be now, and a
+mighty sight younger.  At that time me and another feller, a
+partner of mine, had a fish weir out in the bay here.  The mackerel
+struck in and we done well, unusual well.  At the end of the
+season, not countin' what we'd spent for livin' and expenses, we
+had a balance owin' us at our fish dealer's up to Boston of five
+hundred dollars--two fifty apiece.  My partner was goin' to be
+married in the spring and was cal'latin' to use his share to buy
+furniture for the new house with.  So we decided we'd take a trip
+up to Boston and collect the money, stick it into some savin's bank
+where 'twould draw interest until spring and then haul it out and
+use it.  'Twas about every cent we had in the world.
+
+"'So to Boston we went, collected our money, got the address of a
+safe bank and started out to find it.  But on the way my partner's
+hat blowed off and the bank address, which was on a slip of paper
+inside of it, got lost.  So we see a sign on a buildin', along with
+a lot of others, that kind of suggested bankin', and so we stepped
+into the buildin' and went upstairs to ask the way again.
+
+"'The place wa'n't very big, but 'twas fixed up fancy and there was
+a kind of blackboard along the end of the room where a boy was
+markin' up figgers in chalk.  A nice, smilin' lookin' man met us
+and, when we told him what we wanted, he asked us to set down.
+Then, afore we knowed it almost, we'd told him the whole story--
+about the five hundred and all.  The feller said to hold on a spell
+and he'd go along with us and show us where the savin's bank was
+himself.
+
+"'So we waited and all the time the figgers kept goin' up on the
+board, under signs of "Pork" and "Wheat" and "Cotton" and such, and
+we'd hear how so and so's account was makin' a thousand a day, and
+the like of that.  After a while the nice man, who it turned out
+was one of the bosses of the concern, told us what it meant.
+Seemed there was a big "rise" in the market and them that bought
+now was bound to get rich quick.  Consequent we said we wished we
+could buy and get rich, too.  And the smilin' chap says, "Let's go
+have some lunch."'
+
+"Williams laughed.  'Ho, ho!' says he.  'Expensive lunch, was it?'
+
+"'Most extravagant meal of vittles ever I got away with,' I says.
+'Cost me and my partner two hundred and fifty apiece, that lunch
+did.  We stayed in Boston two days, and on the afternoon of the
+second day we was on our way back totin' a couple of neat but
+expensive slips of paper signifyin' that we'd bought December and
+May wheat on a one per cent margin.  We was a hundred ahead
+already, 'cordin' to the blackboard, and was figgerin' what sort of
+palaces we'd build when we cashed in.'
+
+"'Ain't no use preachin' a long sermon over the remains.  'Twas a
+simple funeral and nobody sent flowers.  Inside of a month we was
+cleaned out and the wheat place had gone out of business--failed,
+busted, you understand.  Our fish dealer friend asked some
+questions, and found out the shebang wa'n't a real stock dealer's
+at all.  'Twas what they call a "bucket shop," and we'd bought
+nothin' but air, and paid a commission for buyin' it.  And the
+smilin', nice man that run the swindle had been hangin' on the edge
+of bust for a long while and knowed 'twas comin'.  Our five hundred
+had helped pay his way to a healthier climate, that's all.'
+
+"'Hold on a minute,' says Fatty, lookin' more interested.  'What
+was the name of the firm that took you greenhorns in?'
+
+"''Twas the Empire Bond, Stock and Grain Exchange,' says I.  'And
+'twas on Derbyshire Street.'
+
+"He give a little jump.  Then he says, slow, Hu-u-m!  I--see.'
+
+"'Yes,' says I.  'I thought you would.  You had a mustache then and
+your name was diff'rent, but you seemed familiar just the same.
+When your false hair got washed off I knew you right away.'
+
+"He took out his pocket pen and his check book and done a little
+figgerin'.
+
+"'Humph!' he says, again.  'You lost five hundred and I've paid you
+five hundred and five.  What's the five for?'
+
+"'That's my commission on the sales,' I says.
+
+"And just then comes a hail from outside the shanty.  Out we bolted
+and there was Sam Davis, just steppin' ashore from his power boat.
+Williams's housekeeper had strained a p'int and had shaded her
+orders by a couple of days.
+
+"Williams and Sam started for home right off.  I followed in the
+Shootin' Star, havin' borrered gasoline enough for the run.  I
+reached the dock ha'f an hour after they did, and there was Fatty
+waitin' for me.
+
+"'Berry,' says he, 'I've got a word or two to say to you.  I ain't
+kickin' at your givin' me tit for tat, or tryin' to.  Turn about's
+fair play, if you can call the turn.  But it's against my
+principles to allow anybody to beat me on a business deal.  Do you
+suppose,' he says, 'that I'd have paid your robber's prices without
+a word if I hadn't had somethin' up my sleeve?  Why, man,' says he,
+'I gave you my CHECKS, not cash.  And I've just telephoned to the
+Wellmouth Bank to stop payment on those checks.  They're no earthly
+use to you; see?  There's one or two things about high finance that
+you don't know even yet.  Ho, ho!'
+
+"And he rocked back and forth on his heels and laughed.
+
+"I held up my hand.  'Wait a jiffy, Mr. Williams,' says I.  'I
+guess these checks are all right.  When we fust landed on
+Woodchuck, I judged by the looks of the shanty that Baker hadn't
+left it for good.  I cal'lated he'd be back.  And sure enough he
+come back, in his catboat, on Thursday evenin', after you'd turned
+in.  Them checks was payable to "Bearer," you remember, so I give
+'em to him.  He was to cash 'em in the fust thing Friday mornin',
+and I guess you'll find he's done it.'"
+
+"Well, I swan to MAN!" interrupted the astonished and delighted
+Phinney.  "So you had him after all!  And I was scart you'd lost
+every cent."
+
+Captain Sol chuckled.  "Yes," he went on, "I had him, and his eyes
+and mouth opened together.
+
+"'WHAT?' he bellers.  'Do you mean to say that a boat stopped at
+that dummed island and DIDN'T TAKE US OFF?'
+
+"'Oh,' says I, 'Darius didn't feel called on to take you off, not
+after I told him who you was.  You see, Mr. Williams,' I says,
+'Darius Baker was my partner in that wheat speculation I was
+tellin' you about.'
+
+The Captain drew a long breath and re-lit his cigar, which had gone
+out.  His friend pounded the settee ecstatically.
+
+"There!" he cried.  "I knew the name 'Darius Baker' wa'n't so
+strange to me.  When was you and him in partners, Sol?"
+
+"Oh, 'way back in the old days, afore I went to sea at all, and
+afore mother died.  You wouldn't remember much about it.  Mother
+and I was livin' in Trumet then and our house here was shut up.  I
+was only a kid, or not much more, and Williams was young, too."
+
+"And that's the way he made his money!  HIM!  Why, he's the most
+respected man in this neighborhood, and goes to church, and--"
+
+"Yes.  Well, if you make money ENOUGH you can always be respected--
+by some kinds of people--and find some church that'll take you in.
+Ain't that so, Bailey?"
+
+Captain Stitt and his cousin, Obed Gott, the paint dealer, were
+standing in the doorway of the station.  They now entered.
+
+"I guess it's so," replied Stitt, pulling up a chair, "though I
+don't know what you was talkin' about.  However, it's a pretty
+average safe bet that what you say is so, Sol, 'most any time.
+What's the special 'so,' this time?"
+
+"We was talkin' about Mr. Williams," began Phinney.
+
+"The Grand Panjandrum of East Harniss," broke in the depot master.
+"East Harniss is blessed with a great man, Bailey, and, like
+consider'ble many blessin's he ain't entirely unmixed."
+
+Obed and Simeon looked puzzled, but Captain Stitt bounced in his
+chair like a good-natured rubber ball.  "Ho! ho!" he chuckled, "you
+don't surprise me, Sol.  We had a great man over to South Orham
+three years ago and he begun by blessin's and ended with--with
+t'other thing.  Ho! ho!"
+
+"What do you mean?" demanded Sim.
+
+"Why, I mean Stingy Gabe.  You've heard of Stingy Gabe, ain't you?"
+
+"I guess we've all heard somethin' about him," laughed Captain Sol;
+"but we're willin' to hear more.  He was a reformer, wa'n't he?"
+
+"He sartin was!  Ho! ho!"
+
+"For the land sakes, tell it, Bailey," demanded Mr. Gott
+impatiently.  "Don't sit there bouncin' and gurglin' and gettin'
+purple in the face.  Tell it, or you'll bust tryin' to keep it in."
+
+"Oh, it's a great, long--" began Captain Bailey protestingly.
+
+"Go on," urged Phinney.  "We've got more time than anything else,
+the most of us.  Who was this Stingy Gabe?"
+
+"Yes," urged Gott, "and what did he reform?"
+
+Captain Stitt held up a compelling hand.  "It's all of a piece," he
+interrupted.  "It takes in everything, like an eatin'-house stew.
+And, as usual in them cases, the feller that ordered it didn't know
+what was comin' to him.
+
+"Stingy Gabe was that feller.  His Sunday name was Gabriel Atkinson
+Holway, and his dad used to peddle fish from Orham to Denboro and
+back.  The old man was christened Gabriel, likewise.  He owed 'most
+everybody, and, besides, was so mean that he kept the scales and
+trimmin's of the fish he sold to make chowder for himself and
+family.  All hands called him 'Stingy Gabe,' and the boy inherited
+the name along with the fifteen hundred dollars that the old man
+left when he died.  He cleared out--young Gabe did--soon as the
+will was settled and afore the outstandin' debts was, and nobody in
+this latitude see hide nor hair of him till three years ago this
+comin' spring.
+
+"Then, lo and behold you! he drops off the parlor car at the Orham
+station and cruises down to South Orham, bald-headed and bay-
+windowed, sufferin' from pomp and prosperity.  Seems he'd been
+spendin' his life cornerin' copper out West and then copperin' the
+corners in Wall Street.  The folks in his State couldn't put him in
+jail, so they sent him to Congress.  Now, as the Honorable Atkinson
+Holway, he'd come back to the Cape to rest his wrist, which had
+writer's cramp from signin' stock certificates, and to ease his
+eyes with a sight of the dear old home of his boyhood.
+
+"Bill Nickerson comes postin' down to me with the news.
+
+"'Bailey,' says he, 'what do you think's happened?  Stingy Gabe's
+struck the town.'
+
+"'For how much?' I asks, anxious.  'Don't let him have it, whatever
+'tis.'
+
+"Then he went on to explain.  Gabe was rich as all get out, and
+'twas his intention to buy back his old man's house and fix it up
+for a summer home.  He was delighted to find how little change
+there was in South Orham.
+
+"'No matter if 'tain't but fifteen cents he'll get it, if the
+s'lectmen don't watch him,' I says; and the bills, too.  I know HIS
+tribe.'
+
+"'You don't understand,' says Nickerson.  'He ain't no thief.  He's
+rich, I tell you, and he's cal'latin' to do the town good.'
+
+"'Course he is,' I says.  'It runs in the family.  His dad done it
+good, too--good as 'twas ever done, I guess.'
+
+"But next day Gabe himself happens along, and I see right off that
+I'd made a mistake in my reckonin'.  The Honorable Atkinson Holway
+wa'n't figgerin' to borrow nothin'.  When a chap has been skinnin'
+halibut, minnows are too small for him to bother with.  Gabe was
+full of fried clams and philanthropy.
+
+"'By Jove! Stitt,' he says, 'livin' here has been the dream of my
+life.'
+
+"'You'll be glad to wake up, won't you?' says I.  'I wish I could.'
+
+"'I tell you,' he says, 'this little old village is all right!  All
+it needs is a public-spirited resident to help it along.  I propose
+to be the P. S. R.'
+
+"And on that program he started right in.  Fust off he bought his
+dad's old place, built it over into the eight-sided palace that's
+there now, fetched down a small army of servants skippered by an
+old housekeeper, and commenced to live simple but complicated.
+Then, havin' provided the needful charity for himself, he's ready
+to scatter manna for the starvin' native.
+
+"He had a dozen schemes laid out.  One was to build a free but
+expensive library; another was to pave the main road with brick;
+third was to give stained-glass windows and velvet cushions to the
+meetin' house, so's the congregation could sleep comfortable in a
+subdued light.  The stained-glass idee put him in close touch with
+the minister, Reverend Edwin Fisher, and the minister suggested the
+men's club.  And he took to that men's club scheme like an old maid
+to strong tea; the rest of the improvements went into dry dock to
+refit while Admiral Gabe got his men's club off the ways.
+
+"'Twas the billiard room that made the minister hanker for a men's
+club.  That billiard room was the worry of his life.  Old man
+Jotham Gale run it and had run it sence the Concord fight, in a way
+of speakin'.  You remember his sign, maybe: 'Jotham W. Gale.
+Billiard, Pool, and Sipio Saloon.  Cigars and Tobacco.  Tonics and
+Pipes.  Minors under Ten Years of Age not Admitted.'  Jotham's
+customers was called, by the outsiders, 'the billiard-room gang.'
+
+"The billiard room gang wa'n't the best folks in town, I'll own
+right up to that.  Still, they wa'n't so turrible wicked.  Jotham
+never sold rum, and he'd never allow no rows in his place.  But,
+just the same, his saloon was reckoned a bad influence.  Young men
+hadn't ought to go there--most of us said that.  If there was a
+nicer place TO go, argues the minister, 'twould help the moral tone
+of the community consider'ble.  'Why not,' says he to Stingy Gabe,
+'start a free club for men that'll make the billiard room look like
+the tail boat in a race?'  And says Gabe: 'Bully!  I'll do it.'"
+
+Captain Stitt paused long enough to enjoy a chuckle all by himself.
+Before he had quite finished his laugh, slow and reluctant steps
+were heard on the back platform and Issy appeared on the threshold.
+He was without the package, but did not look happy.
+
+"Well, Is," inquired the depot master, "did you give the remains to
+the Major?"
+
+"Yes, sir," answered Issy.
+
+"Did you tell him how the shockin' fatality happened?  How the
+thing got broken?"
+
+"Yes, sir, I told him."
+
+"What did he say?  Didn't let his angry passions rise, did he?"
+
+"No-o; no, sir, he didn't rise nothin'.  He didn't get mad neither.
+But you could see he felt pretty bad.  Talked about 'old family
+glass' and 'priceless airloons' or some such.  Said much as he
+regretted to, he should feel it no more'n justice to have somebody
+pay damages."
+
+"Humph!" Captain Sol looked very grave.  "Issy, I can see your
+finish.  You'll have to pay for somethin' that's priceless, and how
+are you goin' to do that?  'Old family glass,' hey?  Hum!  And I
+thought I saw the label of a Boston store on that package."
+
+Obed Gott leaned forward eagerly.
+
+"Is that Major Hardee you're talkin' about?" he asked.
+
+"Yes, sir.  He's the only Major we've got.  Cap'ns are plenty as
+June bugs, but Majors and Gen'rals are scarce.  Why?"
+
+"Oh, nothin'.  Only--"  Mr. Gott muttered the remainder of the
+sentence under his breath.  However, the depot master heard it and
+his eye twinkled.
+
+"You're glad of it!" he exclaimed.  "Why, Obed!  Major Cuthbertson
+Scott Hardee!  I'm surprised.  Better not let the women folks hear
+you say that."
+
+"Look here!" cried Captain Stitt, rather tartly, "am I goin' to
+finish that yarn of mine or don't you want to hear it?"
+
+"BEG your pardon, Bailey.  Go on.  The last thing you said was what
+Stingy Gabe said, and that was--"
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+"STINGY GABE"
+
+
+"And that," said Captain Bailey, mollified by the renewed interest
+of his listeners, "was, 'Bully!  I'll do it!'
+
+"So he calls a meetin' of everybody interested, at his new house.
+About every respectable man in town was there, includin' me.  Most
+of the billiard-room gang was there, likewise.  Jotham, of course,
+wa'n't invited.
+
+"Gabe calls the meetin' to order and the minister makes a speech
+tellin' about the scheme.  'Our generous and public-spirited
+citizen, Honorable Atkinson Holway,' had offered to build a
+suitable clubhouse, fix it up, and donate it to the club, them and
+their heirs forever, Amen.  'Twas to belong to the members to do
+what they pleased with--no strings tied to it at all.  Dues would
+be merely nominal, a dollar a year or some such matter.  Now, who
+favored such a club as that?
+
+"Well, 'most everybody did.  Daniel Bassett, chronic politician,
+justice of the peace, and head of the 'Conservatives' at town
+meetin', he made a talk, and in comes him and his crew.  Gaius
+Ellis, another chronic, who is postmaster and skipper of the
+'Progressives,' had been fidgetin' in his seat, and now up he bobs
+and says he's for it; then every 'Progressive' jines immediate.
+But the billiard-roomers; they didn't jine.  They looked sort of
+sheepish, and set still.  When Mr. Fisher begun to hint p'inted in
+their direction, they got up and slid outdoor.  And right then I'd
+ought to have smelt trouble, but I didn't; had a cold in my head, I
+guess likely.
+
+"Next thing was to build the new clubhouse, and Gabe went at it
+hammer and tongs.  He had a big passel of carpenters down from the
+city, and inside of three months the buildin' was up, and she was a
+daisy, now I tell you.  There was a readin' room and a meetin' room
+and an 'amusement room.'  The amusements was crokinole and parchesi
+and checkers and the like of that.  Also there was a gymnasium and
+a place where you could play the pianner and sing--till the
+sufferin' got acute and somebody come along and abated you.
+
+"When I fust went inside that clubhouse I see 'twas bound to be
+'Good-by, Bill,' for Jotham.  His customers would shake his ratty
+old shanty for sartin, soon's they see them elegant new rooms.  I
+swan, if I didn't feel sorry for the old reprobate, and, thinks I,
+I'll drop around and sympathize a little.  Sympathy don't cost
+nothin', and Jotham's pretty good company.
+
+"I found him settin' alongside the peanut roaster, watchin' a
+couple of patients cruelize the pool table.
+
+"'Hello, Bailey!' says he.  'You surprise me.  Ain't you 'fraid of
+catchin' somethin' in this ha'nt of sin?  Have a chair, anyhow.
+And a cigar, won't you?'
+
+"I took the chair, but I steered off from the cigar, havin' had
+experience.  Told him I guessed I'd use my pipe.  He chuckled.
+
+"'Fur be it from me to find fault with your judgment,' he says.
+'Terbacker does smoke better'n anything else, don't it.'
+
+"We set there and puffed for five minutes or so.  Then he sort of
+jumped.
+
+"'What's up?' says I.
+
+"'Oh, nothin'!' he says.  'Bije Simmons got a ball in the pocket,
+that's all.  Don't do that too often, Bije; I got a weak heart.
+Well, Bailey,' he adds, turnin' to me, 'Gabe's club's fixed up
+pretty fine, ain't it?'
+
+"'Why, yes,' I says; ''tis.'
+
+"'Finest ever I see,' says he.  'I told him so when I was in
+there.'
+
+"'What?' says I.  'You don't mean to say YOU'VE been in that
+clubroom?'
+
+"'Sartin.  Why not?  I want to take in all the shows there is--
+'specially the free ones.  Make a good billiard room, that
+clubhouse would.'
+
+"I whistled.  'Whew!' says I.  'Didn't tell Gabe THAT, did you?'
+
+"He nodded.  'Yup,' says he.  'I told him.'
+
+"I whistled again.  'What answer did he make?' I asked.
+
+"'Oh, he wa'n't enthusiastic.  Seemed to cal'late I'd better shut
+up my head and my shop along with it, afore he knocked off one and
+his club knocked out t'other.'
+
+"I pitied the old rascal; I couldn't help it.
+
+"'Jotham,' says I, 'I ain't the wust friend you've got in South
+Orham, even if I don't play pool much.  If I was you I'd clear out
+of here and start somewheres else.  You can't fight all the best
+folks in town.'
+
+"He didn't make no answer.  Just kept on a-puffin'.  I got up to
+go.  Then he laid his hand on my sleeve.
+
+"'Bailey,' says he, 'when Betsy Mayo was ailin', her sister's tribe
+was all for the Faith Cure and her husband's relations was high for
+patent medicine.  When the Faith Curists got to workin', in would
+come some of the patent mediciners and give 'em the bounce.  And
+when THEY went home for the night, the Faithers would smash all the
+bottles.  Finally they got so busy fightin' 'mong themselves that
+Betsy see she was gettin' no better fast, and sent for the reg'lar
+doctor.  HE done the curin', and got the pay.'
+
+"'Well,' says I, 'what of it?'
+
+"'Nothin',' says he.  'Only I've been practisin' a considerable
+spell.  So long.  Come in again some time when it's dark and the
+respectable element can't see you.'
+
+"I went away thinkin' hard.  And next mornin' I hunted up Gabe, and
+says I:
+
+"'Mr. Holway,' I says, 'what puzzles me is how you're goin' to
+elect the officers for the new club.  Put up a Conservative and the
+Progressives resign.  H'ist the Progressive ensign and the
+Conservatives'll mutiny.  As for the billiard-roomers--providin'
+any jine--they've never been known to vote for anybody but
+themselves.  I can't see no light yet--nothin' but fog.'
+
+"He winks, sly and profound.  'That's all right,' says he.  'Fisher
+and I have planned that.  You watch!'
+
+"Sure enough, they had.  The minister was mighty popular, so, when
+'twas out that he was candidate to be fust president of the club,
+all hands was satisfied.  Two vice presidents was named--one bein'
+Bassett and t'other Ellis.  Secretary was a leadin' Conservative;
+treasurer a head Progressive.  Officers and crew was happy and
+mutiny sunk ten fathoms.  ONLY none of the billiard-room gang had
+jined, and they was the fish we was really tryin' for.
+
+"'Twas next March afore one of 'em did come into the net, though
+we'd have on all kinds of bait--suppers and free ice cream Saturday
+nights, and the like of that.  And meantime things had been
+happenin'.
+
+"The fust thing of importance was Gabe's leavin' town.  Our Cape
+winter weather was what fixed him.  He stood the no'theasters and
+Scotch drizzles till January, and then he heads for Key West and
+comfort.  Said his heart still beat warm for his native village,
+but his feet was froze--or words similar.  He cal'lated to be back
+in the spring.  Then the Reverend Fisher got a call to somewheres
+in York State, and felt he couldn't afford not to hear it.  Nobody
+blamed him; the salary paid a minister in South Orham is enough to
+make any feller buy patent ear drums.  But that left our men's club
+without either skipper or pilot, as you might say.
+
+"One week after the farewell sermon, Daniel Bassett drops in casual
+on me.  He was passin' around smoking material lavish and
+regardless.
+
+"'Stitt,' says he, 'you've always voted for Conservatism in our
+local affairs, haven't you?'
+
+"'Well,' says I, 'I didn't vote to roof the town hall with a new
+mortgage, if that's what you mean.'
+
+"'Exactly,' he says.  'Now, our men's club, while not as yet the
+success we hoped for, has come to be a power for good in our
+community.  It needs for its president a conservative, thoughtful
+man.  Bailey,' he says, 'it has come to my ears that Gaius Ellis
+intends to run for that office.  You know him.  As a taxpayer, as a
+sober, thoughtful citizen, my gorge rises at such insolence.  I
+protest, sir!  I protest against--'
+
+"He was standin' up, makin' gestures with both arms, and he had his
+town-meetin' voice iled and runnin'.  I was too busy to hanker for
+a stump speech, so I cut across his bows.
+
+"'All right, all right,' says I.  'I'll vote for you, Dan.'
+
+"He fetched a long breath.  'Thank you,' says he.  'Thank you.
+That makes ten.  Ellis can count on no more than nine.  My election
+is assured.'
+
+"Seein' that there wa'n't but nineteen reg'lar voters who come to
+the club meetin's, if Bassett had ten of 'em it sartin did look as
+if he'd get in.  But on election night what does Gaius Ellis do but
+send a wagon after old man Solomon Peavey, who'd been dry docked
+with rheumatiz for three months, and Sol's vote evened her up.
+'Twas ten to ten, a deadlock, and the election was postponed for
+another week.
+
+"This was of a Tuesday.  On Wednesday I met Bije Simmons, the chap
+who was playin' pool at Jotham's.
+
+"'Hey, Bailey!' says he.  'Shake hands with a brother.  I'm goin'
+to jine the men's club.'
+
+"'You BE?' says I, surprised enough, for Simmons was a billiard-
+roomer from 'way back.
+
+"'Yup,' he says.  'I'll be voted in at next meetin', sure.  I'm
+studyin' up on parchesi now.'
+
+"'Hum!' I says, thinkin'.  'How you goin to vote?'
+
+"'Me?' says he.  'Me?  Why, man, I wonder at you!  Can't you see
+the fires of Conservatism blazin' in my eyes?  I'm Conservative
+bred and Conservative born, and when I'm dead there'll be a
+Conservative gone.  By, by.  See you Tuesday night.'
+
+"He went off, stoppin' everybody he met to tell 'em the news.  And
+on Thursday Ed Barnes dropped in to pay me the seventy-five cents
+he'd borrowed two years ago come Fourth of July.  When I'd got over
+the fust shock and had counted the money three times, I commenced
+to ask questions.
+
+"'Somebody die and will you a million, Ed?' I wanted to know.
+
+"'No,' says he.  'It's the reward of virtue.  I'm goin' to be a
+better man.  I'm jinin' the men's club.'
+
+"'NO!' says I, for Ed was as strong a billiard-roomer as Bije.
+
+"'Sure!' he answers.  'I'm filled full of desires for crokinole and
+progressiveness.  See you Tuesday night at the meetin'.'
+
+"And, would you b'lieve it, at that meetin' no less'n six confirmed
+members of the billiard-room gang was voted into the men's club.
+'Twas a hallelujah gatherin'.  I couldn't help thinkin' how glad
+and proud Gabe and Mr. Fisher would have been to see their dreams
+comin' true.  But Bassett and Ellis looked more worried than glad,
+and when the votin' took place I understood the reason.  Them new
+members had divided even, and the ballots stood Bassett thirteen
+and Ellis thirteen.  The tie was still on and the election was put
+off for another week.
+
+"In that week, surprisin' as it may seem, two more billiard-roomers
+seen a light and jined with us.  However, one was for Bassett and
+t'other for Ellis, so the deadlock wa'n't broken.  Jotham had only
+a couple of his reg'lars left, and I swan to man if THEY didn't
+catch the disease inside of the follerin' fortni't and hand in
+their names.  The 'Billiard, Pool, and Sipio Saloon,' from bein'
+the liveliest place in town, was now the deadest.  Through the
+window you could see poor Jotham mopin' lonesome among his peanuts
+and cigars.  The sayin' concernin' the hardness of the
+transgressor's sleddin' was workin' out for HIM, all right.  But
+the conversions had come so sudden that I couldn't understand it,
+though I did have some suspicions.
+
+"'Look here, Dan,' says I to Bassett, 'are you goin' to keep this
+up till judgment?  There ain't but thirty votin' names in this
+place--except the chaps off fishin', and they won't be back till
+fall.  Fifteen is for you and fifteen for Gaius.  Most astonishin'
+agreement of difference ever I see.  We'll never have a president,
+at this rate.'
+
+"He winked.  'Won't, hey?' he says.  'Sure you've counted right?  I
+make it thirty-one.'
+
+"'I don't see how,' says I, puzzled.  'Nobody's left outside the
+club but Jotham himself, and he--'
+
+"'That's all right,' he interrupts, winkin' again.  'You be on hand
+next Tuesday night.  You can't always tell, maybe somethin'll
+happen.'
+
+"I was on hand, all right, and somethin' did happen, two
+somethin's, in fact.  We hadn't much more'n got in our seats afore
+the door opened, and in walked Gaius Ellis, arm in arm with a man;
+and the man was the Honorable Stingy Gabe Atkinson Holway.
+
+"'Gentlemen,' sings out Gaius, bubblin' over with joy, 'I propose
+three cheers for our founder, who has returned to us after his long
+absence.'
+
+"We give the cheers--that is, some of the folks did.  Bassett and
+our gang wa'n't cheerin' much; they looked as if somebody had
+passed 'em a counterfeit note.  You see, Gabe Holway was one of the
+hide-boundest Progressives afloat, and a blind man could see who'd
+got him back again and which way he'd vote.  It sartinly looked bad
+for Bassett now.
+
+"Gaius proposes that, out of compliment, as founder of the club,
+Mr. Holway be asked to preside.  So he was asked, though the
+Conservatives wa'n't very enthusiastic.  Gabe took the chair,
+preached a little sermon about bein' glad to see his native home
+once more, and raps for order.
+
+"'If there's no other business afore the meetin',' says he, 'we
+will proceed to ballot for president.'
+
+"But it turned out that there was other business.  Dan Bassett riz
+to his feet and commenced one of the most feelin' addresses ever I
+listened to.
+
+"Fust he congratulated all hands upon the success of Mr. Holway's
+philanthropic scheme for the betterment of South Orham's male
+citizens.  Jeered at at fust by the unregenerate, it had gone on,
+winnin' its way into the hearts of the people, until one by one the
+said unregenerate had regenerated, and now the club numbered thirty
+souls and the Honorable Atkinson.
+
+"'But,' says Dan, wavin' his arms, 'one man yet remains outside.
+One lone man!  The chief sinner, you say?  Yes, I admit it.  But,
+gentlemen, a repentant sinner.  Alone he sits amid the wreck of his
+business--a business wrecked by us, gentlemen--without a customer,
+without a friend.  Shall it be said that the free and open-handed
+men's club of South Orham turned its back upon one man, merely
+because he HAS been what he was?  Gentlemen, I have talked with
+Jotham Gale; he is old, he is friendless, he no longer has a means
+of livelihood--we have taken it from him.  We have turned his
+followers' steps to better paths.  Shall we not turn his, also?
+Gentlemen and friends, Jotham Gale is repentant, he feels his
+ostrichism'--whatever he meant by that--'he desires to become self-
+respecting, and he asks us to help him.  He wishes to join this
+club.  Gentlemen, I propose for membership in our association the
+name of Jotham W. Gale.'
+
+"He set down and mopped his face.  And the powwow that broke loose
+was somethin' tremendous.  Of course 'twas plain enough what Dan's
+game was.  This was the 'somethin'' that was goin' to happen.
+
+"Ellis see the way the land lay, and he bounces up to protest.
+'Twas an outrage; a scandal; ridiculous; and so forth, and so on.
+Poor Gabe didn't know what to do, and so he didn't do nothin'.  A
+head Conservative seconds Jotham's nomination.  'Twas put to a vote
+and carried easy.  Dan's speech had had its effect and a good many
+folks voted out of sympathy.  How did I vote?  I'LL never tell you.
+
+"And then Bassett gets up, smilin', goes to the outside door, opens
+it, and leads in the new member.  He'd been waitin' on the steps,
+it turned out.  Jotham looked mighty quiet and meek.  I pitied the
+poor old codger more'n ever.  Snaked in, he was, out of the wet,
+like a yeller dog, by the club that had kicked him out of his own
+shop.
+
+"Chairman Gabe pounds for order, and suggests that the votin' can
+go on.  But Ellis jumps up, and says he:
+
+"'What's the sense of votin' now?' he asks sarcastic.  'Will the
+lost lamb we've just yanked into the fold have the face to stand up
+and bleat that he hasn't promised to vote Conservative?  Dan
+Bassett, of all the contemptible tricks that ever--'
+
+"Bassett's face was redder'n a ripe tomatter.  He shakes his fist
+in Gaius's face and yells opinions and comments.
+
+"'Don't you talk to me about tricks, you ward-heeler!' he hollers.
+'Why did you fetch Mr. Holway back home?  Why did you, hey?  That
+was the trickiest trick that I--'
+
+"Gabe pretty nigh broke his mallet thumpin'.
+
+"'Gentlemen! gentlemen!' says he.  'This is most unseemly.  Sit
+down, if you PLEASE.  Mr. Ellis, when the purpose of this
+association is considered, it seems to me very wrong to find fault
+because the chief of our former antagonists has seen the error of
+his ways and become one of us.  Mr. Bassett, I do not understand
+your intimation concernin' myself.  I shall adjourn this meetin'
+until next Friday evenin', gentlemen.  Meanwhile, let us remember
+that we ARE gentlemen.'
+
+"He thumped the desk once, and parades out of the buildin',
+dignified as Julius Caesar.  The rest of us toddled along after
+him, all talkin' at once.  Bassett and Ellis glowered at each other
+and hove out hints about what would happen afore they got through.
+'Twas half-past ten afore I got to bed that night, and Sarah J.--
+that's Mrs. Stitt--kept me awake another hour explainin' whys and
+wherefores.
+
+"For the next three days nobody done anything but knock off work
+and talk club politics.  You'd see 'em on the corners and in the
+post office and camped on the meetin'-house steps, arguin' and
+jawin'.  Dan and Gaius was hurryin' around, moppin' their foreheads
+and lookin' worried.  On Thursday there was all sorts of rumors
+afloat.  Finally they all simmered down to one, and that one was
+what made me stop Stingy Gabe on the street and ask for my
+bearin's.
+
+"'Mr. Holway,' says I, 'is it true that Dan and Gaius have resigned
+and agreed to vote for somebody else?'
+
+"He nodded, grand and complacent.
+
+"'Then who's the somebody?' says I.  'For the land sakes! tell me.
+It's as big a miracle as the prodigal son.'
+
+"I remember now that the prodigal son ain't a miracle, but I was
+excited then.
+
+"'Stitt,' says he, 'I am the "somebody," as you call it.  I have
+decided to let my own wishes and inclinations count for nothin' in
+this affair, and to accept the office of president myself.  It will
+be announced at the meetin'.'
+
+"I whistled.  'By gum!' says I.  'You've got a great head, Mr.
+Holway, and I give you public credit for it.  It's the only course
+that ain't full of breakers.  Did you think of it yourself?'
+
+"He colored up a little.  'Why, no, not exactly,' he says.  'The
+fact is, the credit belongs to our new member, Mr. Gale.'
+
+"'To JOTHAM?' says I, astonished.
+
+"'Yes.  He suggested my candidacy, as a compromise.  Said that he,
+for one, would be proud to vote for me.  Mr. Gale seems thoroughly
+repentant, a changed man.  I am counting on him for great things in
+the future.'
+
+"So the fuss seemed settled, thanks to the last person on earth
+you'd expect would be peacemaker.  But that afternoon I met Darius
+Tompkins, Bassett's right-hand man.
+
+"'Bailey,' says he, 'you're a Conservative, ain't you?  You're for
+Dan through thick and thin?'
+
+"'Why!' says I, 'I understand Dan and Gaius are both out of it now,
+and it's settled on Holway.  Dan's promised to vote for him.'
+
+"'HE has,' says Tompkins, with a wink, 'but the rest of us ain't.
+We pledged our votes to Dan Bassett, and we ain't the kind to go
+back on our word.  Dan himself'll vote for Gabe; so'll Gaius and
+his reg'lar tribe.  That'll make twelve, countin' Holway's own.'
+
+"'Make seventeen, you mean,' says I.  'Gaius and his crowd's
+fifteen and Dan's sixteen and Gabe's seven--'
+
+"He winked again, and interrupted me.  'You're countin' wrong, my
+boy,' says he.  'Five of Gaius's folks come from the old billiard-
+room gang.  Just suppose somethin' happened to make that five vote,
+on the quiet, for Bassett.  Then--'
+
+"A customer come in then, and Tompkins had to leave; but afore he
+went he got me to one side and whispers:
+
+"'Keep mum, old man, and vote straight for Dan.  We'll show old
+Holway that we can't be led around by the nose.'
+
+"'Tompkins,' says I, 'I know your head well enough to be sartin
+that it didn't work this out by itself.  And why are you so sure of
+the billiard roomers?  Who put you up to this?'
+
+"He rapped the side of his nose.  'The smartest politician in this
+town,' says he, 'and the oldest--J. W. Gale, Esq.!  S-s-sh-h!
+Don't say nothin'.'
+
+"I didn't say nothin'.  I was past talk.  And that evenin' as I
+went past the billiard room on my way home, who should come out of
+it but Gaius Ellis, and HE looked as happy as Tompkins had.
+
+"Friday night that clubroom was filled.  Every member was there,
+and most of 'em had fetched their wives and families along to see
+the fun.  There was whisperin' and secrecy everywheres.  Honorable
+Gabe took the chair and makes announcements that the shebang is
+open for business.
+
+"Up gets Dave Bassett and all but sheds tears.  He says that he
+made up his mind to vote, not for himself, but for the founder and
+patron of the club, the Honorable Atkinson Holway.  He spread it
+over Gabe thick as sugar on a youngster's cake.  And when he set
+down all hands applauded like fury.  But I noticed that he hadn't
+spoke for nary Conservative but himself.
+
+"Then Gaius Ellis rises and sobs similar.  He's stopped votin' for
+himself, too.  His ballot is for that grand and good man, Gabriel
+Atkinson Holway, Esq.  More applause and hurrahs.
+
+"And then who should get up but Jotham Gale.  He talks humble, like
+a has-been that knows he's a back number, but he says it's his
+privilege to cast his fust vote in that club for Mr. Holway, South
+Orham's pride.  Nobody was expectin' him to say anything, and the
+cheers pretty nigh broke the winders.
+
+"Gabe was turrible affected by the soft soap, you could see that.
+He fairly sobbed as he sprinkled gratitude and acceptances.  When
+the agony was over, he says the votin' can begin.
+
+"I cal'lated he expected somebody'd move to make it unanimous, but
+they didn't.  So the blank ballots was handed around, and the
+pencils got busy.  Gabe app'ints three tellers, Bassett and Ellis,
+of course, for two--and the third, Jotham Gale.
+
+"'As a compliment to our newest member,' says the chairman, smilin'
+philanthropic.
+
+"When the votes was in the hat, the tellers retired to the
+amusement room to count up.  It took a long time.  I see the
+Conservatives and Progressives nudgin' each other and winkin' back
+and forth.  Five minutes, then ten, then fifteen.
+
+"And all of a sudden the biggest row bu'st loose in that amusement
+room that ever you heard.  Rattlety--bang!  Biff!  Smash!  The door
+flew open, and in rolled Bassett and Ellis, all legs and arms.
+Gabe and some of the rest hauled 'em apart and held 'em so, but the
+language them two hove at each other was enough to bring down a
+judgment.
+
+"'Gentlemen! gentlemen!' hollers poor Gabe.  'What in the world?  I
+am astounded! I--'
+
+"'You miserable traitor!' shrieks Gaius, wavin' a fist at Dan.
+
+"'You low-down hound!' whoops Dan back at him.
+
+"'Silence!' bellers Gabe, poundin' thunder storms on the desk.
+'Will some one explain why these maniacs are--  Ah, Mr. Gale--thank
+goodness, YOU at least are sane!'
+
+"Jotham walks to the front of the platform.  He was holdin' the hat
+and a slip of paper with the result set down on it.
+
+"'Ladies and feller members,' says he, 'there's been some
+surprisin' votin' done in this election.  Things ain't gone as we
+cal'lated they would, somehow.  Mr. Holway, your election wa'n't
+unanimous, after all.'
+
+"The way he said it made most everybody think Gabe was elected,
+anyhow, and I guess Holway thought so himself, for he smiled
+forgivin' and says:
+
+"'Never mind, Mr. Gale,' says he.  'A unanimous vote was perhaps
+too much to expect.  Go on.'
+
+"'Yes,' says Jotham.  'Well, here's the way it stands.  I'll read
+it to you.'
+
+"He fixes his specs and reads like this:
+
+"'Number of votes cast, 32.'
+
+"'Honorable Atkinson Holway has 4.'
+
+"'WHAT?' gasps Stingy Gabe, fallin' into his chair.
+
+"'Yes, sir,' says Jotham.  'It's a shame, I know, but it looks as
+nobody voted for you, Mr. Holway, but yourself and me and Dan and
+Gaius.  To proceed:
+
+"'Daniel Bassett has 9.'
+
+"The Conservatives and their women folks fairly groaned out loud.
+Tompkins jumped to his feet, but Jotham held up a hand.
+
+"'Just a moment, D'rius,' he says.  'I ain't through yet.'
+
+"'Gaius Ellis has 9.'
+
+"Then 'twas the Progressives' turn to groan.  The racket and hubbub
+was gettin' louder all the time.
+
+"'There's ten votes left,' goes on Jotham, 'and they bear the name
+of Jotham W. Gale.  I can't understand it, but it does appear that
+I'm elected president of this 'ere club.  Gentlemen, I thank you
+for the honor, which is as great as 'tis unexpected.'
+
+"Gabe and the Progressives and the Conservatives set and looked at
+each other.  And up jumps 'Bije Simmons, and calls for three cheers
+for the new president.
+
+"Nobody jined in them cheers but the old billiard room gang; they
+did, though, every one of 'em, and Jotham smiled fatherly down on
+his flock.
+
+"I s'pose there ain't no need of explainin'.  Jotham had worked it
+all, from the very fust.  When the tie business begun and Gaius and
+Dan was bribin' the billiard roomers to jine the club, 'twas him
+that fixed how they should vote so's to keep the deadlock goin'.
+'Twas him that put Bassett up to proposin' him as a member.  'Twas
+him that suggested Gabe's comin' back to Gaius.  'Twas him that--
+But what's the use?  'Twas him all along.  He was IT.
+
+"That night everybody but the billiard-room gang sent in their
+resignation to that club.  We refused to be bossed by such people.
+Gabe resigned, too.  He was disgusted with East Harniss and all
+hands in it.  He'd have took back the clubhouse, but he couldn't,
+as the deed of gift was free and clear.  But he swore he'd never
+give it another cent.
+
+"Folks thought that would end the thing, because it wouldn't be
+self-supportin', but Jotham had different idees.  He simply moved
+his pool tables and truck up from the old shop, and now he's got
+the finest place of the kind on the Cape, rent free.
+
+"'I told you 'twould make a good billiard saloon, didn't I,
+Bailey?' he says, chucklin'.
+
+"'Jotham,' says I, 'of your kind you're a perfect wonder.'
+
+"'Well,' says he, 'I diagnosed that men's club as sufferin' from
+acute politics.  I've been doctorin' that disease for a long time.
+The trouble with you reformers,' he adds, solemn, 'is that, when it
+comes to political doin's, you ain't practical.'
+
+"As for Stingy Gabe, he shut up his fine house and moved to New
+York.  Said he was through with helpin' the moral tone.
+
+"'When I die,' he says to me, 'if I go to the bad place I may start
+in reformin' that.  It don't need it no more'n South Orham does,
+but 'twill be enough sight easier job.'
+
+"And," concluded Captain Stitt, as soon as he could be heard above
+the "Haw! haws!" caused by the Honorable Holway's final summing-up
+of his native town, "I ain't so sure that he was greatly mistook.
+What do you think, Sol?"
+
+The depot master shook his head.  "Don't know, Bailey," he
+answered, dryly.  "I'll have to visit both places 'fore I give an
+opinion.  I HAVE been to South Orham, but the neighborhood that
+your friend Gabe compared it to I ain't seen--yet.  I put on that
+'yet,'" he added, with a wink, "'cause I knew Sim Phinney would if
+I didn't."
+
+Captain Bailey rose and covered a yawn with a plump hand.
+
+"I believe I'll go over to Obed's and turn in," he said.  "I'm
+sleepy as a minister's horse tonight.  You don't mind, do you,
+Obed?"
+
+"No-o," replied Mr. Gott, slowly.  "No, I don't, 'special.  I kind
+of thought I'd run into the club a few minutes and see some of the
+other fellers.  But it ain't important--not very."
+
+The "club" was one of the rooms over Mr. Higgins's store and post
+office.  It had been recently fitted up with chairs and tables from
+its members' garrets and, when the depot and store were closed, was
+a favorite gathering place of those reckless ones who cared to "set
+up late"--that is, until eleven o'clock.  Most of the men in town
+belonged, but many, Captain Berry among them, visited the room but
+seldom.
+
+"Checkers," said the depot master, referring to the "club's"
+favorite game, "is too deliberately excitin' for me.  To watch
+Beriah Higgins and Ezra Weeks fightin' out a game of checkers is
+like gettin' your feet froze in January and waitin' for spring to
+come and thaw 'em out.  It's a numbin' kind of dissipation."
+
+But Obed Gott was a regular attendant at the "club," and to-night
+he had a particular reason for wishing to be there.  His cousin
+noticed his hesitation and made haste to relieve his mind.
+
+"That's all right, Obed," he said, "go to the club, by all means.
+I ain't such a stranger at your house that I can't find my way to
+bed without help.  Good-night, Sim.  Good-night, Issy.  Cheer up;
+maybe the Major's glassware IS priceless.  So long, Cap'n Sol.  See
+you again some time tomorrer."
+
+He and Mr. Gott departed.  The depot master rose from his chair.
+"Issy," he commanded, "shut up shop."
+
+Issy obeyed, closing the windows and locking the front door.
+Captain Sol himself locked the ticket case and put the cash till
+into the small safe.
+
+"That'll do, Is," said the Captain.  "Good-night.  Don't worry too
+much over the Major's glass.  I'll talk with him, myself.  You
+dream about pleasanter things--your girl, if you've got one."
+
+That was a chance shot, but it struck Issy in the heart.  Even
+during his melancholy progress to and from Major Hardee's, the
+vision of Gertie Higgins had danced before his greenish-blue eyes.
+His freckles were engulfed in a surge of blushes as, with a
+stammered "Night, Cap'n Berry," he hurried out into the moonlight.
+
+The depot master blew out the lamps.  "Come on, Sim," he said,
+briefly.  "Goin' to walk up with me, or was YOU goin' to the club?"
+
+"Cal'late I'll trot along with you, if you don't mind.  I'd just as
+soon get home early and wrastle with the figures on that Williams
+movin' job."
+
+They left the depot, locked and dark, passed the "general store,"
+where Mr. Higgins was putting out his lights prior to adjournment
+to the "club" overhead, walked up Main Street to Cross Street,
+turned and began climbing the hill.  Simeon spoke several times but
+his friend did not answer.  A sudden change had come over him.  The
+good spirits with which he told of his adventure with Williams and
+which had remained during Phinney's stay at the depot, were gone,
+apparently.  His face, in the moonlight, was grave and he strode
+on, his hands in his pockets.
+
+At the crest of the hill he stopped.
+
+"Good-night, Sim," he said, shortly, and, turning, walked off.
+
+The building mover gazed after him in surprise.  The nearest way to
+the Berry home was straight down Cross Street, on the other side of
+the hill, to the Shore Road, and thence along that road for an
+eighth of a mile.  The Captain's usual course was just that.  But
+to-night he had taken the long route, the Hill Boulevard, which
+made a wide curve before it descended to the road below.
+
+Sim, who had had a shrewd suspicion concerning his friend's silence
+and evident mental disturbance, stood still, looking and wondering.
+Olive Edwards, Captain Berry's old sweetheart, lived on the
+Boulevard.  She was in trouble and the Captain knew it.  He had
+asked, that very evening, what she was going to do when forced to
+move.  Phinney could not tell him.  Had he gone to find out for
+himself?  Was the mountain at last coming to Mohammed?
+
+For some minutes Simeon remained where he was, thinking and
+surmising.  Then he, too, turned and walked cautiously up the
+Boulevard.  He passed the Williams mansion, its library windows
+ablaze.  He passed the twenty-five room "cottage" of the gentleman
+from Chicago.  Then he halted.  Opposite him was the little Edwards
+dwelling and shop.  The curtains were up and there was a lamp
+burning on the small counter.  Beside the lamp, in a rocking chair,
+sat Olive Edwards, the widow, sewing.  As he gazed she dropped the
+sewing in her lap, and raised her head.
+
+Phinney saw how worn and sad she looked.  And yet, how young,
+considering her forty years and all she had endured and must
+endure.  She put her hand over her eyes, then removed it wearily.
+A lump came in Simeon's throat.  If he might only help her; if SOME
+ONE might help her in her lonely misery.
+
+And then, from where he stood in the shadow of the Chicago
+gentleman's hedge, he saw a figure step from the shadows fifty feet
+farther on.  It was Captain Solomon Berry.  He walked to the middle
+of the road and halted, looking in at Olive.  Phinney's heart gave
+a jump.  Was the Captain going into that house, going to HER, after
+all these years?  WAS the mountain--
+
+But no.  For a full minute the depot master stood, looking in at
+the woman by the lamp.  Then he jammed his hands into his pockets,
+wheeled, and tramped rapidly off toward his home.  Simeon Phinney
+went home, also, but it was with a heavy heart that he sat down to
+figure the cost of moving the Williams "pure Colonial" to its
+destined location.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+THE MAJOR
+
+
+The depot master and his friend, Mr. Phinney, were not the only
+ones whose souls were troubled that evening.  Obed Gott, as he
+stood at the foot of the stairs leading to the meeting place of the
+"club," was vexed and worried.  His cousin, Captain Stitt, had gone
+into the house and up to his room, and Obed, after seeing him
+safely on his way, had returned to the club.  But, instead of
+entering immediately, he stood in the Higgins doorway, thinking,
+and frowning as he thought.  And the subject of his thought was the
+idol of feminine East Harniss, the "old-school gentleman," Major
+Cuthbertson Scott Hardee.
+
+The Major first came to East Harniss one balmy morning in March--
+came, and created an immediate sensation.  "Redny" Blount, who
+drives the "depot wagon," was wrestling with a sample trunk
+belonging to the traveling representative of Messrs. Braid & Gimp,
+of Boston, when he heard a voice--and such a voice--saying:
+
+"Pardon me, my dear sir, but may I trouble you for one moment?"
+
+Now "Redny" was not used to being addressed as "my dear sir."  He
+turned wonderingly, and saw the Major, in all his glory, standing
+beside him.  "Redny's" gaze took in the tall, slim figure in the
+frock coat tightly buttoned; took in the white hair, worn just long
+enough to touch the collar of the frock coat; the long, drooping
+white mustache and imperial; the old-fashioned stock and open
+collar; the black and white checked trousers; the gaiters; and,
+last of all, the flat brimmed, carefully brushed, old-fashioned
+silk hat.  Mr. Blount gasped.
+
+"Huh?" he said.
+
+"Pardon me, my dear sir," repeated the Major, blandly, smoothly,
+and with an air of--well, not condescension, but gracious
+familiarity.  "Will you be so extremely kind as to inform me
+concerning the most direct route to the hotel or boarding house?"
+
+The word "hotel" was the only part of this speech that struck home
+to "Redny's" awed mind.
+
+"Hotel?" he repeated, slowly.  "Why, yes, sir.  I'm goin' right
+that way.  If you'll git right into my barge I'll fetch you there
+in ten minutes."
+
+There was enough in this reply, and the manner in which it was
+delivered, to have furnished the station idlers, in the ordinary
+course of events, with matter for gossip and discussion for a week.
+Mr. Blount had not addressed a person as "sir" since he went to
+school.  But no one thought of this; all were too much overcome by
+the splendor of the Major's presence.
+
+"Thank you," replied the Major.  "Thank you.  I am obliged to you,
+sir.  Augustus, you may place the baggage in this gentleman's
+conveyance."
+
+Augustus was an elderly negro, very black as to face and a trifle
+shabby as to clothes, but with a shadow of his master's gentility,
+like a reflected luster, pervading his person.  He bowed low,
+departed, and returned dragging a large, old style trunk, and
+carrying a plump valise.
+
+"Augustus," said the Major, "you may sit upon the seat with the
+driver.  That is," he added, courteously, "if Mr.--Mr.--"
+
+"Blount," prompted the gratified "Redny."
+
+"If Mr. Blount will be good enough to permit you to do so."
+
+"Why, sartin.  Jump right up.  Giddap, you!"
+
+There was but one passenger, besides the Major and Augustus, in the
+"depot wagon" that morning.  This passenger was Mrs. Polena Ginn,
+who had been to Brockton on a visit.  To Mrs. Polena the Major,
+raising his hat in a manner that no native of East Harniss could
+acquire by a lifetime of teaching, observed that it was a beautiful
+morning.  The flustered widow replied that it "was so."  This was
+the beginning of a conversation that lasted until the "Central
+House" was reached, a conversation that left Polena impressed with
+the idea that her new acquaintance was as near the pink of
+perfection as mortal could be.
+
+"It wa'n't his clothes, nuther," she told her brother, Obed Gott,
+as they sat at the dinner table.  "I don't know what 'twas, but you
+could jest see that he was a gentleman all over.  I wouldn't wonder
+if he was one of them New York millionaires, like Mr. Williams--but
+SO different.  'Redny' Blount says he see his name onto the hotel
+register and 'twas 'Cuthbertson Scott Hardee.'  Ain't that a tony
+name for you?  And his darky man called him 'Major.'  I never see
+sech manners on a livin' soul!  Obed, I DO wish you'd stop eatin'
+pie with a knife."
+
+Under these pleasing circumstances did Major Cuthbertson Scott
+Hardee make his first appearance in East Harniss, and the
+reputation spread abroad by Mr. Blount and Mrs. Ginn was confirmed
+as other prominent citizens met him, and fell under the spell.  In
+two short weeks he was the most popular and respected man in the
+village.  The Methodist minister said, at the Thursday evening
+sociable, that "Major Hardee is a true type of the old-school
+gentleman," whereupon Beriah Higgins, who was running for
+selectman, and therefore felt obliged to be interested in all
+educational matters, asked whereabouts that school was located, and
+who was teaching it now.
+
+It was a treat to see the Major stroll down Main Street to the post
+office every pleasant spring morning.  Coat buttoned tight, silk
+hat the veriest trifle on one side, one glove on and its mate
+carried with the cane in the other hand, and the buttonhole
+bouquet--always the bouquet--as fresh and bright and jaunty as its
+wearer himself.
+
+It seemed that every housekeeper whose dwelling happened to be
+situated along that portion of the main road had business in the
+front yard at the time of the Major's passing.  There were steps to
+be swept, or rugs to be shaken, or doorknobs to be polished just at
+that particular time.  Dialogues like the following interrupted the
+triumphal progress at three minute intervals:
+
+"Good-morning, Mrs. Sogberry.  GOOD-morning.  A delightful morning.
+Busy as the proverbial bee once more, I see.  I can never cease to
+admire the industry and model neatness of the Massachusetts
+housekeeper.  And how is your charming daughter this morning?
+Better, I trust?"
+
+"Well, now, Major Hardee, I don't know.  Abbie ain't so well's I
+wish she was.  She set up a spell yesterday, but the doctor says
+she ain't gittin' along the way she'd ought to.  I says to him,
+s'I, 'Abbie ain't never what you'd call a reel hearty eater, but,
+my land! when she don't eat NOTHIN',' I says--"
+
+And so on and so on, with the Major always willing to listen,
+always sympathetic, and always so charmingly courteous.
+
+The Central House, East Harniss's sole hotel, and a very small one
+at that, closed its doors on April 10th.  Mr. Godfrey, its
+proprietor, had come to the country for his health.  He had been
+inveigled, by an advertisement in a Boston paper, into buying the
+Central House at East Harniss.  It would afford him, so he
+reasoned, light employment and a living.  The employment was light
+enough, but the living was lighter.  He kept the Central House for
+a year.  Then he gave it up as a bad job and returned to the city.
+"I might keep my health if I stayed," he admitted, in explaining
+his position to Captain Berry, "but if I want to keep to what
+little money I have left, I'd better go.  Might as well die of
+disease as starvation."
+
+Everyone expected that the "gentleman of the old school" would go
+also, but one evening Abner Payne, whose business is "real estate,
+fire and life insurance, justice of the peace, and houses to let
+and for sale," rushed into the post office to announce that the
+Major had leased the "Gorham place," furnished, and intended to
+make East Harniss his home.
+
+"He likes the village so well he's goin' to stay here always,"
+explained Abner.  "Says he's been all 'round the world, but he
+never see a place he liked so well's he does East Harniss.  How's
+that for high, hey?  And you callin' it a one-horse town, Obed
+Gott!"
+
+The Major moved into the "Gorham place" the next morning.  It--the
+"place"--was an old-fashioned house on the hill, though not on Mr.
+Williams' "Boulevard."  It had been one of the finest mansions in
+town once on a time, but had deteriorated rapidly since old Captain
+Elijah Gorham died.  Augustus carried the Major's baggage from the
+hotel to the house.  This was done very early and none of the
+natives saw the transfer.  There was some speculation as to how the
+darky managed to carry the big trunk single-handed; one of two
+persons asked Augustus this very question, but they received no
+satisfactory answer.  Augustus was habitually close-mouthed.  Mr.
+Godfrey left town that same morning on the first train.
+
+The Major christened his new home "Silver-leaf Hall," because of
+two great "silver-leaf" trees that stood by the front door.  He had
+some repairing, paper hanging and painting done, ordered a big
+stock of groceries from the local dealer, and showed by his every
+action that his stay in East Harniss was to be a lengthy one.  He
+hired a pew in the Methodist church, and joined the "club."
+Augustus did the marketing for "Silver-leaf Hall," and had
+evidently been promoted to the position of housekeeper.
+
+The Major moved in April.  It was now the third week in June and
+his popularity was, if possible, more pronounced than ever.  On
+this particular, the evening of Captain Bailey Stitt's unexpected
+arrival, Obed had been sitting by the tea table in his dining room
+after supper, going over the account books of his paint, paper, and
+oil store.  His sister, Mrs. Polena Ginn, was washing dishes in the
+kitchen.
+
+"Wat's that letter you're readin', Obed?" she called from her post
+by the sink.
+
+"Nothin'," said her brother, gruffly, crumpling up the sheet of
+note paper and jamming it into his pocket.
+
+"My sakes! you're shorter'n pie crust to-night.  What's the matter?
+Anything gone wrong at the store?"
+
+"No."
+
+Silence again, only broken by the clatter of dishes.  Then Polena
+said:
+
+"Obed, when are you goin' to take me up to the clubroom so's I can
+see that picture of Major Hardee that he presented the club with?
+Everybody says it's just lovely.  Sarah T. says it's perfectly
+elegant, only not quite so handsome as the Major reelly is.  She
+says it don't flatter him none."
+
+"Humph!  Anybody'd think Hardee was some kind of a wonder, the way
+you women folks go on 'bout him.  How do you know but what he might
+be a reg'lar fraud?  Looks ain't everything."
+
+"Well, I never!  Obed Gott, I should think you'd be 'shamed of
+yourself, talkin' that way.  I shan't speak another word to you to-
+night.  I never see you act so unlikely.  An old fraud!  The idea!
+That grand, noble man!"
+
+Obed tried to make some sort of half-hearted apology, but his
+sister wouldn't listen to it.  Polena's dignity was touched.  She
+was a woman of consequence in East Harniss, was Polena.  Her
+husband had, at his death, left her ten thousand dollars in her own
+right, and she owned bonds and had money in the Wellmouth Bank.
+Nobody, not even her brother, was allowed to talk to her in that
+fashion.
+
+To tell the truth, Obed was sorry he had offended his sister.  He
+had been throwing out hints of late as to the necessity of building
+an addition to the paint and oil store, and had cast a longing look
+upon a portion of Polena's ten thousand.  The lady had not promised
+to extend the financial aid, but she had gone so far as to say she
+would think about it.  So Obed regretted his insinuations against
+the Major's integrity.
+
+After a while he threw the account books upon the top of the chest
+of drawers, put on his hat and coat and announced that he was going
+over to the depot for a "spell."  Polena did not deign to reply,
+so, after repeating the observation, he went out and slammed the
+door.
+
+Now, two hours later, as he stood in the doorway of the club, he
+was debating what he should do in a certain matter.  That matter
+concerned Major Hardee and was, therefore, an extremely delicate
+one.  At length Mr. Gott climbed the narrow stairs and entered the
+clubroom.  It was blue with tobacco smoke.
+
+The six or eight members present hailed him absently and went on
+with their games of checkers or "seven-up."  He attempted a game of
+checkers and lost, which did not tend to make his temper any
+sweeter.  His ill nature was so apparent that Beriah Higgins, who
+suffered from dyspepsia and consequent ill temper, finally
+commented upon it.
+
+"What's the matter with you, Obed?" he asked tartly.  "Too much of
+P'lena's mince pie?"
+
+"No," grunted Mr. Gott shortly.
+
+"What is it, then?  Ain't paint sellin' well?"
+
+"Sellin' well 'nough.  I could sell a hundred ton of paint to-
+morrow, more'n likely, but when it come to gittin' the money for
+it, that would be another story.  If folks would pay their bills
+there wouldn't be no trouble."
+
+"Who's stuck you now?"
+
+"I don't s'pose anybody has, but it's just as bad when they don't
+pay up.  I've got to have money to keep a-goin' with.  It don't
+make no diff'rence if it's as good a customer as Major Hardee; he
+ought to remember that we ain't all rich like him and--"
+
+A general movement among all the club members interrupted him.  The
+checker players left their boards and came over; the "seven-up"
+devotees dropped their cards and joined the circle.
+
+"What was that you said?" asked Higgins, uneasily.  "The Major
+owin' you money, was it?"
+
+"Oh, course I know he's all right and a fine man and all that,"
+protested Obed, feeling himself put on the defensive.  "But that
+ain't it.  What's a feller goin' to do when he needs the money and
+gets a letter like that?"
+
+He drew the crumpled sheet of note paper from his pocket, and threw
+it on the table.  Higgins picked it up and read it aloud, as
+follows:
+
+
+SILVERLEAF HALL, June 20th.
+
+MY DEAR MR. GOTT: I am in receipt of your courteous communication
+of recent date.  I make it an unvarying rule to keep little ready
+money here in East Harniss, preferring rather to let it remain at
+interest in the financial institutions of the cities.  Another rule
+of mine, peculiar, I dare say--even eccentric, if you like--is
+never to pay by check.  I am expecting remittances from my
+attorneys, however, and will then bear you in mind.  Again thanking
+you for your courtesy, and begging you to extend to your sister my
+kindest regards, I remain, my dear sir,
+
+Yours very respectfully,
+
+CUTHBERTSON SCOTT HARDEE.
+
+P. S.--I shall be delighted to have the pleasure of entertaining
+your sister and yourself at dinner at the hall on any date
+agreeable to you.  Kindly let me hear from you regarding this at
+your earliest convenience.  I must insist upon this privilege, so
+do not disappoint me, I beg.
+
+
+The reception accorded this most gentlemanly epistle was peculiar.
+Mr. Higgins laid it upon the table and put his hand into his own
+pocket.  So did Ezra Weeks, the butcher; Caleb Small, the dry goods
+dealer; "Hen" Leadbetter, the livery stable keeper; "Bash" Taylor,
+the milkman, and three or four others.  And, wonder of wonders,
+each produced a sheet of note paper exactly like Obed's.
+
+They spread them out on the table.  The dates were, of course,
+different, and they differed in other minor particulars, but in the
+main they were exactly alike.  And each one of them ended with an
+invitation to dinner.
+
+The members of the club looked at each other in amazement.  Higgins
+was the first to speak.
+
+"Godfrey mighty!" he exclaimed.  "Say, this is funny, ain't it?
+It's more'n funny; it's queer!  By jimmy, it's more'n that--it's
+serious!  Look here, fellers; is there anybody in this crowd that
+the Major's paid for anything any time?"
+
+They waited.  No one spoke.  Then, with one impulse, every face
+swung about and looked up to where, upon the wall, hung the life-
+size photograph of the Major, dignified, gracious, and gilt-framed.
+It had been presented to the club two months before by Cuthbertson
+Scott Hardee, himself.
+
+"Ike--Ike Peters," said Higgins.  "Say, Ike--has he ever paid you
+for havin' that took?"
+
+Mr. Peters, who was the town photographer, reddened, hesitated, and
+then stammered, "Why, no, he ain't, yet."
+
+"Humph!" grunted Higgins.  No one else said anything.  One or two
+took out pocket memorandum books and went over some figures entered
+therein.  Judging by their faces the results of these calculations
+were not pleasing.  Obed was the first to break the painful
+silence:
+
+"Well!" he exclaimed, sarcastically; "ain't nobody got nothin' to
+say?  If they ain't, I have.  Or, at any rate, I've got somethin'
+to do."  And he rose and started to put on his coat.
+
+"Hi! hold on a minute, Obed, you loon!" cried Higgins.  "Where are
+you goin'?"
+
+"I'm goin' to put my bill in Squire Baker's hands for c'lection,
+and I'm goin' to do it tonight, too."
+
+He was on his way to the door, but two or three ran to stop him.
+
+"Don't be a fool, Obed," said Higgins.  "Don't go off ha'f cocked.
+Maybe we're gittin' scared about nothin'.  We don't know but we'll
+get every cent that's owed us."
+
+"Don't KNOW!  Well, I ain't goin' to wait to find out.  What makes
+me b'ilin' is to think how we've set still and let a man that we
+never saw afore last March, and don't know one blessed thing about,
+run up bills and RUN 'em up.  How we come to be such everlastin'
+fools I don't see!  What did we let him have the stuff for?  Why
+didn't we make him pay?  I--"
+
+"Now see here, Obed Gott," broke in Weeks, the butcher, "you know
+why just as well as we do.  Why, blast it!" he added earnestly, "if
+he was to come into my shop to-morrow and tip that old high hat of
+his, and smile and say 'twas a fine mornin and 'How's the good lady
+to-day?' and all that, he'd get ha'f the meat there was in the
+place, and I wouldn't say 'Boo'!  I jest couldn't, that's all."
+
+This frank statement was received with approving nods and a chorus
+of muttered "That's so's."
+
+"It looks to me this way," declared Higgins.  "If the Major's all
+right, he's a mighty good customer for all of us.  If he ain't all
+right, we've got to find it out, but we're in too deep to run resks
+of gettin' him mad 'fore we know for sure.  Let's think it over for
+a week.  Inside of that time some of us'll hint to him, polite but
+firm, you understand, that we've got to have something on account.
+A week from to-night we'll meet in the back room of my store, talk
+it over and decide what to do.  What do you say?"
+
+Everybody but Obed agreed.  He declared that he had lost money
+enough and wasn't going to be a fool any longer.  The others argued
+with him patiently for a while and then Leadbetter, the livery
+stable keeper, said sharply:
+
+"See here, Obe!  You ain't the only one in this.  How much does the
+Major owe you?"
+
+"Pretty nigh twenty dollars."
+
+"Humph!  You're lucky.  He owes me over thirty, and I guess Higgins
+is worse off than any of us.  Ain't that so, Beriah?"
+
+"About seventy, even money," answered the grocer, shortly.  "No
+use, Obed, we've got to hang together.  Wait a week and then see.
+And, fellers," he added, "don't tell a soul about this business,
+'specially the women folks.  There ain't a woman nor girl in this
+town that don't think Major Hardee's an A1, gold-plated saint, and
+twouldn't be safe to break the spell on a guess."
+
+Obed reached home even more disgruntled than when he left it.  He
+sat up until after twelve, thinking and smoking, and when he went
+to bed he had a brilliant idea.  The next morning he wrote a letter
+and posted it.
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+A BABY AND A ROBBERY
+
+
+The morning train for Boston, at that season of the year, reached
+East Harniss at five minutes to six, an "ungodly hour," according
+to the irascible Mr. Ogden Williams, who, in company with some of
+his wealthy friends, the summer residents, was petitioning the
+railroad company for a change in the time-table.  When Captain Sol
+Berry, the depot master, walked briskly down Main Street the
+morning following Mr. Gott's eventful evening at the club, the
+hands of the clock on the Methodist church tower indicated that the
+time was twenty minutes to six.
+
+Issy McKay was already at the depot, the doors of which were open.
+Captain Sol entered the waiting room and unlocked the ticket rack
+and the little safe.  Issy, languidly toying with the broom on the
+front platform, paused in his pretense of sweeping and awaited
+permission to go home for breakfast.  It came, in characteristic
+fashion.
+
+"How's the salt air affectin' your appetite, Is?" asked the
+Captain, casually.
+
+Issy, who, being intensely serious by nature, was uneasy when he
+suspected the presence of a joke, confusedly stammered that he
+cal'lated his appetite was all right.
+
+"Payin' for the Major's glass ain't kept you awake worryin', has
+it?"
+
+"No-o, sir.  I--"
+
+"P'r'aps you thought he was the one to 'do the worryin', hey?"
+
+"I--I don't know."
+
+"Well, what's your folks goin' to have to eat this mornin'?"
+
+Issy admitted his belief that fried clams were to be the breakfast.
+
+"So?  Clams?  Is, did you ever read the soap advertisement about
+not bein' a clam?"
+
+"I--I don't know's I ever did.  No, sir."
+
+"All right; I only called your attention to it as a warnin', that's
+all.  When anybody eats as many clams as you do there's a fair
+chance of his turnin' into one.  Now clear out, and don't stay so
+long at breakfast that you can't get back in time for dinner.
+Trot!"
+
+Issy trotted.  The depot master seated himself by the door of the
+ticket office and fell into a reverie.  It was interrupted by the
+entrance of Hiram Baker.  Captain Hiram was an ex-fishing skipper,
+fifty-five years of age, who, with his wife, Sophronia, and their
+infant son, Hiram Joash Baker, lived in a small, old-fashioned
+house at the other end of the village, near the shore.  Captain
+Hiram, having retired from the sea, got his living, such as it was,
+from his string of fish traps, or "weirs."
+
+The depot master hailed the new arrival heartily.
+
+"Hello, there, Hiram!" he cried, rising from his chair.  "Glad to
+see you once in a while.  Ain't goin' to leave us, are you?  Not
+goin' abroad for your health, or anything of that kind, hey?"
+
+Captain Baker laughed.
+
+"No," he answered.  "No further abroad than Hyannis.  And I'll be
+back from there tonight, if the Lord's willin' and the cars don't
+get off the track.  Give me a round trip ticket, will you, Sol?"
+
+The depot master retired to the office, returning with the desired
+ticket.  Captain Hiram counted out the price from a confused mass
+of coppers and silver, emptied into his hand from a blackened
+leather purse, tied with a string.
+
+"How's Sophrony?" asked the depot master.  "Pretty smart, I hope."
+
+"Yup, she's smart.  Has to be to keep up with the rest of the
+family--'specially the youngest."
+
+He chuckled.  His friend laughed in sympathy.
+
+"The youngest is the most important of all, I s'pose," he observed.
+"How IS the junior partner of H. Baker and Son?"
+
+"He ain't a silent partner, I'll swear to that.  Honest, Sol, I
+b'lieve my 'Dusenberry' is the cutest young one outside of a show.
+I said so only yesterday to Mr. Hilton, the minister.  I did, and I
+meant it."
+
+"Well, we're all gettin' ready to celebrate his birthday.  Ho, ho!"
+
+This was a standard joke and was so recognized and honored.  A baby
+born on the Fourth of July is sure of a national celebration of his
+birthday.  And to Captain Baker and his wife, no celebration,
+however widespread, could do justice to the importance of the
+occasion.  When, to answer the heart longings of the child-loving
+couple married many years, the baby came, he was accepted as a
+special dispensation of Providence and valued accordingly.
+
+"He's got a real nice voice, Hiram," said Sophronia, gazing proudly
+at the prodigy, who, clutched gingerly in his father's big hands,
+was screaming his little red face black.  "I shouldn't wonder if he
+grew up to sing in the choir."
+
+"That's the kind of voice to make a fo'mast hand step lively!"
+declared Hiram.  "You'll see this boy on the quarter deck of a
+clipper one of these days."
+
+Naming him was a portentous proceeding and one not to be lightly
+gone about.  Sophronia, who was a Methodist by descent and early
+confirmation, was of the opinion that the child should have a Bible
+name.
+
+The Captain respected his wife's wishes, but put in an ardent plea
+for his own name, Hiram.
+
+"There's been a Hiram Baker in our family ever since Noah h'isted
+the main-r'yal on the ark," he declared.  "I'd kinder like to keep
+the procession a-goin'."
+
+They compromised by agreeing to make the baby's Christian name
+Hiram and to add a middle name selected at random from the
+Scriptures.  The big, rickety family Bible was taken from the
+center table and opened with shaking fingers by Mrs. Baker.  She
+read aloud the first sentence that met her eye: "The son of Joash."
+
+"Joash!" sneered her husband.  "You ain't goin' to cruelize him
+with that name, be you?"
+
+"Hiram Baker, do you dare to fly in the face of Scriptur'?"
+
+"All right!  Have it your own way.  Go to sleep now, Hiram Joash,
+while I sing 'Storm along, John,' to you."
+
+Little Hiram Joash punched the minister's face with his fat fist
+when he was christened, to the great scandal of his mother and the
+ill-concealed delight of his father.
+
+"Can't blame the child none," declared the Captain.  "I'd punch
+anybody that christened a middle name like that onto me."
+
+But, in spite of his name, the baby grew and prospered.  He fell
+out of his crib, of course, the moment that he was able, and barked
+his shins over the big shells by the what-not in the parlor the
+first time that he essayed to creep.  He teethed with more or less
+tribulation, and once upset the household by an attack of the croup.
+
+They gave up calling him by his first name, because of the
+Captain's invariably answering when the baby was wanted and not
+answering when he himself was wanted.  Sophronia would have liked
+to call him Joash, but her husband wouldn't hear of it.  At length
+the father took to calling him "Dusenberry," and this nickname was
+adopted under protest.
+
+Captain Hiram sang the baby to sleep every night.  There were three
+songs in the Captain's repertoire.  The first was a chanty with a
+chorus of
+
+
+     John, storm along, storm along, John,
+     Ain't I glad my day's work's done.
+
+
+The second was the "Bowline Song."
+
+
+     Haul on the bowline, the 'Phrony is a-rollin',
+     Haul on the bowline! the bowline HAUL!
+
+
+At the "haul!" the Captain's foot would come down with a thump.
+Almost the first word little Hiram Joash learned was "haul!"  He
+used to shout it and kick his father vigorously in the vest.
+
+These were fair-weather songs.  Captain Hiram sang them when
+everything was going smoothly.  The "Bowline Song" indicated that
+he was feeling particularly jubilant.  He had another that he sang
+when he was worried.  It was a lugubrious ditty, with a refrain
+beginning:
+
+
+     Oh, sailor boy, sailor boy, 'neath the wild billow,
+     Thy grave is yawnin' and waitin' for thee.
+
+
+He sang this during the worst of the teething period, and, later,
+when the junior partner wrestled with the whooping cough.  You
+could always tell the state of the baby's health by the Captain's
+choice of songs.
+
+Meanwhile Dusenberry grew and prospered.  He learned to walk and to
+talk, after his own peculiar fashion, and, at the mature age of two
+years and six months, formally shipped as first mate aboard his
+father's dory.  His duties in this responsible position were to sit
+in the stern, securely fastened by a strap, while the Captain and
+his two assistants rowed out over the bar to haul the nets of the
+deep water fish weir.
+
+The first mate gave the orders, "All hands on deck!  'Tand by to
+det ship under way!"  There was no "sogerin'" aboard the Hiram
+Junior--that was the dory's name--while the first officer had
+command.
+
+Captain Hiram, always ready to talk of the wonderful baby, told the
+depot master of the youngster's latest achievement, which was to
+get the cover off the butter firkin in the pantry and cover himself
+with butter from head to heel.
+
+"Ho, ho, ho!" he roared, delightedly, "when Sophrony caught him at
+it, what do you s'pose he said?  Said he was playin' he was a slice
+of bread and was spreadin' himself.  Haw! haw!"
+
+Captain Sol laughed in sympathy.
+
+"But he didn't mean no harm by it," explained the proud father.
+"He's got the tenderest little heart in the world.  When he found
+his ma felt bad he bust out cryin' and said he'd scrape it all off
+again and when it come prayer time he'd tell God who did it, so
+He'd know 'twa'n't mother that wasted the nice butter.  What do you
+think of that?"
+
+"No use talkin', Hiram," said the depot master, "that's the kind of
+boy to have."
+
+"You bet you!  Hello! here's the train.  On time, for a wonder.
+See you later, Sol.  You take my advice, get married and have a boy
+of your own.  Nothin' like one for solid comfort."
+
+The train was coming and they went out to meet it.  The only
+passenger to alight was Mr. Barzilla Wingate, whose arrival had
+been foretold by Bailey Stitt the previous evening.  Barzilla was
+part owner of a good-sized summer hotel at Wellmouth Neck.  He and
+the depot master were old friends.
+
+After the train had gone Wingate and Captain Sol entered the
+station together.  The Captain had insisted that his friend come
+home with him to breakfast, instead of going to the hotel.  After
+some persuasion Barzilla agreed.  So they sat down to await Issy's
+arrival.  The depot master could not leave the station until the
+"assistant" arrived.
+
+"Well, Barzilla," asked Captain Sol, "what's the newest craze over
+to the hotel?"
+
+"The newest," said Wingate, with a grin, "is automobiles."
+
+"Automobiles?  Why, I thought 'twas baseball."
+
+"Baseball was last summer.  We had a championship team then.  Yes,
+sir, we won out, though for a spell it looked pretty dubious.  But
+baseball's an old story.  We've had football since, and now--"
+
+"Wait a minute!  Football?  Why, now I do remember.  You had a
+football team there and--and wa'n't there somethin' queer, some
+sort of a--a robbery, or stealin', or swindlin' connected with it?
+Seems's if I'd heard somethin' like that."
+
+Mr. Wingate looked his friend over, winked, and asked a question.
+
+"Sol," he said, "you ain't forgot how to keep a secret?"
+
+The depot master smiled.  "I guess not," he said.
+
+"Well, then, I'm goin' to trust you with one.  I'm goin' to tell
+you the whole business about that robbin'.  It's all mixed up with
+football and millionaires and things--and it's a dead secret, the
+truth of it.  So when I tell you it mustn't go no further.
+
+"You see," he went on, "it was late into August when Peter T. was
+took down with the inspiration.  Not that there was anything
+'specially new in his bein' took.  He was subject to them seizures,
+Peter was, and every time they broke out in a fresh place.  The Old
+Home House itself was one of his inspirations, so was the hirin' of
+college waiters, the openin' of the two 'Annex' cottages, the South
+Shore Weather Bureau, and a whole lot more.  Sometimes, as in the
+weather-bureau foolishness, the disease left him and t'other two
+patients--meanin' me and Cap'n Jonadab--pretty weak in the courage,
+and wasted in the pocketbook; but gen'rally they turned out good,
+and our systems and bank accounts was more healthy than normal.
+One of Peter T.'s inspirations was consider'ble like typhoid fever--
+if you did get over it, you felt better for havin' had it.
+
+"This time the attack was in the shape of a 'supplementary season.'
+'Twas Peter's idea that shuttin' up the Old Home the fust week in
+September was altogether too soon.
+
+"'What's the use of quittin',' says he, 'while there's bait left
+and the fish are bitin'?  Why not keep her goin' through September
+and October?  Two or three ads--MY ads--in the papers, hintin' that
+the ducks and wild geese are beginnin' to keep the boarders awake
+by roostin' in the back yard and hollerin' at night--two or three
+of them, and we'll have gunners here by the regiment.  Other summer
+hotels do it, the Wapatomac House and the rest, so why not us?  It
+hurts my conscience to see good money gettin' past the door 'count
+of the "Not at Home" sign hung on the knob.  What d'you say,
+partners?' says he.
+
+"Well, we had consider'ble to say, partic'lar Cap'n Jonadab.  'Twas
+too risky and too expensive.  Gunnin' was all right except for one
+thing--that is, that there wa'n't none wuth mentionin'.
+
+"'Ducks are scurser round here than Democrats in a Vermont town-
+meetin',' growled the Cap'n.  'And as for geese!  How long has it
+been since you see a goose, Barzilla?'
+
+"'Land knows!' says I.  'I can remember as fur back as the fust
+time Washy Sparrow left off workin', but I can't--'
+
+"Brown told us to shut up.  Did we cal'late he didn't know what he
+was talkin' about?
+
+"'I can see two geese right now,' he snaps; 'but they're so old and
+leather-headed you couldn't shoot an idea into their brains with a
+cannon.  Gunnin' ain't the whole thing.  My makin' a noise like a
+duck is only to get the would-be Teddy Roosevelts headed for this
+neck of the woods.  After they get here, it's up to us to keep 'em.
+And I can think of as many ways to do that as the Cap'n can of
+savin' a quarter.  Our baseball team's been a success, ain't it?
+Sure thing!  Then why not a football team?  Parker says he'll get
+it together, and coach and cap'n it, too.  And Robinson and his
+daughter have agreed to stay till October fifteenth.  So there's a
+start, anyhow.'
+
+"'Twas a start, and a pretty good one.  The Robinsons had come to
+the Old Home about the fust of August, and they was our star
+boarders.  'G. W. Robinson' was the old man's name as entered on
+the hotel log, and his daughter answered to the hail of 'Grace'--
+that is, when she took a notion to answer at all.  The Robinsons
+was what Peter T. called 'exclusive.'  They didn't mix much with
+the rest of the bunch, but kept to themselves in their rooms,
+partic'lar when a fresh net full of boarders was hauled aboard.
+Then they seemed to take an observation of every arrival afore they
+mingled; questioned the pedigree and statistics of all hands, and
+acted mighty suspicious.
+
+"The only thing that really stirred Papa Robinson up and got him
+excited and friendly was baseball and boat racin'.  He was an old
+sport, that was plain, the only real plain thing about him; the
+rest was mystery.  As for Grace, she wa'n't plain by a good sight,
+bein' what Brown called a 'peach.'  She could have had every single
+male in tow if she'd wanted 'em.  Apparently she didn't want em,
+preferrin' to be lonesome and sad and interestin'.  Yes, sir, there
+was a mystery about them Robinsons, and even Peter T. give in to
+that.
+
+"'If 'twas anybody else,' says he, 'I'd say the old man was a
+crook, down here hidin' from the police.  But he's too rich for
+that, and always has been.  He ain't any fly-by-night.  I can tell
+the real article without lookin' for the "sterlin'" mark on the
+handle.  But I'll bet all the cold-storage eggs in the hotel
+against the henyard--and that's big odds--that he wa'n't christened
+Robinson.  And his face is familiar to me.  I've seen it somewhere,
+either in print or in person.  I wish I knew where.'
+
+"So if the Robinsons had agreed to stay--them and their two
+servants--that was a big help, as Brown said.  And Parker would
+help, too, though we agreed there wa'n't no mystery about him.  He
+was a big, broad-shouldered young feller just out of college
+somewheres, who had drifted our way the fortni't after the
+Robinsons came, with a reputation for athletics and a leanin'
+toward cigarettes and Miss Grace.  She leaned a little, too, but
+hers wa'n't so much of a bend as his was.  He was dead gone on her,
+and if she'd have decided to stay under water, he'd have ducked
+likewise.  'Twas easy enough to see why HE believed in a
+'supplementary season.'
+
+"Me and Jonadab argued it out with Peter, and finally we met
+halfway, so's to speak.  We wouldn't keep the whole shebang open,
+but we'd shut up everything but one Annex cottage, and advertise
+that as a Gunner's Retreat.  So we done it.
+
+"And it worked.  Heavens to Betsy--yes!  It worked so well that by
+the second week in September we had to open t'other Annex.  The
+gunnin' was bad, but Peter's ads fetched the would-be's, and his
+'excursions' and picnics and the football team held 'em.  The
+football team especial.  Parker cap'ned that, and, from the gunnin'
+crew and the waiters and some fishermen in the village, he dug up
+an eleven that showed symptoms of playin' the game.  We played the
+Trumet High School, and beat it, thanks to Parker, and that tickled
+Pa Robinson so that he bought a two-handled silver soup tureen--
+'lovin' cup,' he called it--and agreed to give it to the team round
+about that won the most of the series.  So the series was arranged,
+the Old Home House crowd and the Wapatomac House eleven and three
+high-school gangs bein' in it.  And 'twas practice, practice,
+practice, from then on.
+
+"When we opened the second Annex, the question of help got serious.
+Most of our college waiters had gone back to school, and we was
+pretty shy of servants.  So we put some extry advertisin' in the
+Cape weeklies, and trusted in Providence.
+
+"The evenin' followin' the ad in the weeklies, I was settin' smokin'
+on the back piazza of the shut-up main hotel, when I heard the gate
+click and somebody crunchin' along the clam-shell path.  I sung
+out: 'Ahoy, there!' and the cruncher, whoever he was, come my way.
+Then I made out that he was a tall young chap, with his hands in
+his pockets.
+
+"'Good evenin',' says he.  'Is this Mr. Brown?'
+
+"'Thankin' you for the compliment, it ain't,' I says.  'My name's
+Wingate.'
+
+"'Oh!' says he.  'Is that so?  I've heard father speak of you, Mr.
+Wingate.  He is Solomon Bearse, of West Ostable.  I think you know
+him slightly.'
+
+"Know him?  Everybody on the Cape knows Sol Bearse; by reputation,
+anyhow.  He's the richest, meanest old cranberry grower and
+coastin'-fleet owner in these parts.
+
+"'Is Sol Bearse your dad?' I asks, astonished.  'Why, then, you
+must be Gus?'
+
+"'No,' he says.  'I'm the other one--Fred.'
+
+"'Oh, the college one.  The one who's goin' to be a lawyer.'
+
+"'Well, yes--and no,' says he.  'I WAS the college one, as you call
+it, but I'm not goin' to be a lawyer.  Father and I have had some
+talk on that subject, and I think we've settled it.  I--well, just
+at present, I'm not sure what I'm goin' to be.  That's what I've
+come to you for.  I saw your ad in the Item, and--I want a job.'
+
+"I was set all aback, and left with my canvas flappin', as you
+might say.  Sol Bearse's boy huntin' a job in a hotel kitchen!
+Soon's I could fetch a whole breath, I wanted partic'lars.  He give
+'em to me.
+
+"Seems he'd been sent out to one of the colleges in the Middle West
+by his dad, who was dead set on havin' a lawyer in the family.  But
+the more he studied, the less he hankered for law.  What he wanted
+to be was a literature--a book-agent or a poet, or some such
+foolishness.  Old Sol, havin' no more use for a poet than he had
+for a poor relation, was red hot in a minute.  Was this what he'd
+been droppin' good money in the education collection box for?  Was
+this--etcetery and so on.  He'd be--what the church folks say he
+will be--if Fred don't go in for law.  Fred, he comes back that
+he'll be the same if he does.  So they disowned each other by
+mutual consent, as the Irishman said, and the boy marches out of
+the front door, bag and baggage.  And, as the poetry market seemed
+to be sort of overly supplied at the present time, he decided he
+must do somethin' to earn a dollar, and, seein' our ad, he comes to
+Wellmouth Port and the Old Home.
+
+"'But look here,' says I, 'we ain't got no job for a literary.  We
+need fellers to pass pie and wash dishes.  And THAT ain't no poem.'
+
+"Well, he thought perhaps he could help make up advertisin'.
+
+"'You can't,' I told him.  'One time, when Peter T. Brown was away,
+me and Cap'n Jonadab cal'lated that a poetry advertisement would be
+a good idee and we managed to shake out ten lines or so.  It begun:
+
+
+     "When you're feelin' tired and pale
+      To the Old Home House you ought to come without fail."
+
+
+"'We thought 'twas pretty slick, but we never got but one answer,
+and that was a circular from one of them correspondence schools of
+authors, sayin' they'd let us in on a course at cut rates.  And the
+next thing we knew we see that poem in the joke page of a Boston
+paper.  I never--'
+
+"He laughed, quiet and sorrowful.  He had the quietest way of
+speakin', anyhow, and his voice was a lovely tenor.  To hear it
+purrin' out of his big, tall body was as unexpected as a hymn tune
+in a cent-in-the-slot talkin' machine.
+
+"'Too bad,' he says.  'As a waiter, I'm afraid--'
+
+"Just then the door of one of the Annex houses opened sudden, and
+there stood Grace Robinson.  The light behind her showed her up
+plain as could be.  I heard Fred Bearse make a kind of gaspin'
+noise in his throat.
+
+"'What a lovely night!' she says, half to herself.  Then she calls:
+'Papa, dear, you really ought to see the stars.'
+
+"Old man Robinson, who I judged was in the settin' room, snarled
+out somethin' which wa'n't no compliment to the stars.  Then he
+ordered her to come in afore she catched cold.  She sighed and
+obeyed orders, shuttin' the door astern of her.  Next thing I knew
+that literary tenor grabbed my arm--'twa'n't no canary-bird grip,
+neither.
+
+"'Who was that?' he whispers, eager.
+
+"I told him.  'That's the name they give,' says I, 'but we have
+doubts about its bein' the real one.  You see, there's some mystery
+about them Robinsons, and--'
+
+"'I'll take that waiter's place,' he says, quick.  'Shall I go
+right in and begin now?  Don't stop to argue, man; I say I'll take
+it.'
+
+"And he did take it by main strength, pretty nigh.  Every time I'd
+open my mouth he'd shut it up, and at last I give in, and showed
+him where he could sleep.
+
+"'You turn out at five sharp,' I told him.  'And you needn't bother
+to write no poems while you're dressin', neither.'
+
+"'Good night,' he answers, brisk.  'Go, will you, please?  I want
+to think.'
+
+"I went.  'Tain't until an hour later that I remembered he hadn't
+asked one word concernin' the wages.  And next mornin' he comes to
+me and suggests that perhaps 'twould be as well if I didn't tell
+his real name.  He was pretty sure he'd been away schoolin' so long
+that he wouldn't be recognized.  'And incognitos seem to be
+fashionable here,' he purrs, soft and gentle.
+
+"I wouldn't know an incognito if I stepped on one, but the tenor
+voice of him kind of made me sick.
+
+"'All right,' I snaps, sarcastic.  'Suppose I call you "Willie."
+How'll that do?'
+
+"'Do as well as anything, I guess,' he says.  Didn't make no odds
+to him.  If I'd have called him 'Maud,' he'd have been satisfied.
+
+"He waited in Annex Number Two, which was skippered by Cap'n
+Jonadab.  And, for a poet, he done pretty well, so the Cap'n said.
+
+"'But say, Barzilla,' asks Jonadab, 'does that Willie thing know
+the Robinsons?'
+
+"'Guess not,' I says.  But, thinkin' of the way he'd acted when the
+girl come to the door: 'Why?'
+
+"'Oh, nothin' much.  Only when he come in with the doughnuts the
+fust mornin' at breakfast, I thought Grace sort of jumped and
+looked funny.  Anyhow, she didn't eat nothin' after that.  P'r'aps
+that was on account of her bein' out sailin' the day afore,
+though.'
+
+"I said I cal'lated that was it, but all the same I was interested.
+And when, a day or so later, I see Grace and Willie talkin'
+together earnest, out back of the kitchen, I was more so.  But I
+never said nothin'.  I've been seafarin' long enough to know when
+to keep my main hatch closed.
+
+"The supplementary season dragged along, but it wa'n't quite the
+success it looked like at the start.  The gunnin' that year was
+even worse than usual, and excursions and picnics in late September
+ain't all joy, by no manner of means.  We shut up the second Annex
+at the end of the month, and transferred the help to Number One.
+Precious few new boarders come, and a good many of the old ones
+quit.  Them that did stay, stayed on account of the football.  We
+was edgin' up toward the end of the series, and our team and the
+Wapatomac crowd was neck and neck.  It looked as if the final game
+between them and us, over on their grounds, would settle who'd have
+the soup tureen.
+
+"Pa Robinson and Parker had been quite interested in Willie when he
+fust come.  They thought he might play with the eleven, you see.
+But he wouldn't.  Set his foot right down.
+
+"'I don't care for athletics,' he says, mild but firm.  'They used
+to interest me somewhat, but not now.'
+
+"The old man was crazy.  He'd heard about Willie's literature
+leanin's, and he give out that he'd never see a writer yet that
+wa'n't a 'sissy.'  Wanted us to fire Bearse right off, but we kept
+him, thanks to me.  If he'd seen the 'sissy' kick the ball once,
+same as I did, it might have changed his mind some.  He was passin'
+along the end of the field when the gang was practicin', and the
+ball come his way.  He caught it on the fly, and sent it back with
+his toe.  It went a mile, seemed so, whirlin' and whizzin'.  Willie
+never even looked to see where it went; just kept on his course for
+the kitchen.
+
+"The big sensation hit us on the fifth of October, right after
+supper.  Me and Peter T. and Jonadab was in the office, when down
+comes Henry, old Robinson's man servant, white as a sheet and
+wringin' his hands distracted.
+
+"'Oh, I say, Mr. Brown!' says he, shakin' all over like a
+quicksand.  'Oh, Mr. Brown, sir!  Will you come right up to Mr.
+Sterz--I mean Mr. Robinson's room, please, sir!  'E wants to see
+you gentlemen special.  'Urry, please!  'Urry!'
+
+"So we ''urried,' wonderin' what on earth was the matter.  And when
+we got to the Robinson rooms, there was Grace, lookin' awful pale,
+and the old man himself ragin' up and down like a horse mack'rel in
+a fish weir.
+
+"Soon as papa sees us, he jumped up in the air, so's to speak, and
+when he lit 'twas right on our necks.  His daughter, who seemed to
+be the sanest one in the lot, run and shut the door.
+
+"'Look here, you!' raved the old gent, shakin' both fists under
+Peter T.'s nose.  'Didn't you tell me this was a respectable hotel?
+And ain't we payin' for respectability?'
+
+"Peter admitted it, bein' too much set back to argue, I cal'late.
+
+"'Yes!' rages Robinson.  'We pay enough for all the respectability
+in this state.  And yet, by the livin' Moses! I can't go out of my
+room to spoil my digestion with your cussed dried-apple pie, but
+what I'm robbed!'
+
+"'Robbed!' the three of us gurgles in chorus.
+
+"'Yes, sir!  Robbed!  Robbed!  ROBBED!  What do you think I came
+here for?  And why do I stay here all this time?  'Cause I LIKE it?
+'Cause I can't afford a better place?  No, sir!  By the great horn
+spoon! I come here because I thought in this forsaken hole I could
+get lost and be safe.  And now--'
+
+"He tore around like a water spout, Grace trying to calm him, and
+Henry and Suzette, the maid, groanin' and sobbin' accompaniments in
+the corner.  I looked at the dresser.  There was silver-backed
+brushes and all sorts of expensive doodads spread out loose, and
+Miss Robinson's watch and a di'mond ring, and a few other
+knickknacks.  I couldn't imagine a thief's leavin' all that truck,
+and I said so.
+
+"'Them?' sputters Pa, frantic.  'What the brimstone blazes do you
+think I care for them?  I could buy that sort of stuff by the car-
+load, if I wanted to.  But what's been stole is--  Oh, get out and
+leave me alone!  You're no good, the lot of you!'
+
+"'Father has had a valuable paper stolen from him,' explains Grace.
+'A very valuable paper.'
+
+"'Valuable!' howls her dad.  'VALUABLE!  Why, if Gordon and his
+gang get that paper, they've got ME, that's all.  Their suit's as
+good as won, and I know it.  And to think that I've kept it safe up
+to within a month of the trial, and now--Grace Sterzer, you stop
+pattin' my head.  I'm no pussy-cat!  By the--'  And so on,
+indefinite.
+
+"When he called his daughter Sterzer, instead of Robinson, I
+cal'lated he was loony, sure enough.  But Peter T. slapped his leg.
+
+"'Oh!' he says, as if he'd seen a light all to once.  'Ah, NOW I
+begin to get wise.  I knew your face was--  See here, Mr. Sterzer--
+Mr. Gabriel Sterzer--don't you think we'd better have a real, plain
+talk on this matter?  Let's get down to tacks.  Was the paper you
+lost something to do with the Sterzer-Gordon lawsuit?  The Aluminum
+Trust case, you know?'
+
+"The old man stopped dancin', stared at him hard, and then set down
+and wiped his forehead.
+
+"'Something to DO with it?' he groans.  'Why, you idiot, it was IT!
+If Gordon's lawyers get that paper--and they've been after it for a
+year--then the fat's all in the fire.  There's nothin' left for me
+to do but compromise.'
+
+"When Peter T. mentioned the name of Gabriel Sterzer, me and
+Jonadab begun to see a light, too.  'Course you remember the bust-
+up of the Aluminum Trust--everybody does.  The papers was full of
+it.  There'd been a row among the two leadin' stockholders, Gabe
+Sterzer and 'Major' Gordon.  Them two double-back-action
+millionaires practically owned the trust, and the state 'twas in,
+and the politics of that state, and all the politicians.  Each of
+'em run three or four banks of their own, and a couple of
+newspapers, and other things, till you couldn't rest.  Then they
+had the row, and Gabe had took his playthings and gone home, as you
+might say.  Among the playthings was a majority of the stock, and
+the Major had sued for it.  The suit, with pictures of the leadin'
+characters and the lawyers and all, had been spread-eagled in the
+papers everywheres.  No wonder 'Robinson's' face was familiar.
+
+"But it seemed that Sterzer had held the trump card in the shape of
+the original agreement between him and Gordon.  And he hung on to
+it like the Old Scratch to a fiddler.  Gordon and his crowd had
+done everything, short of murder, to get it; hired folks to steal
+it, and so on, because, once they DID get it, Gabe hadn't a leg to
+stand on--he'd have to divide equal, which wa'n't his desires, by a
+good sight.  The Sterzer lawyers had wanted him to leave it in
+their charge, but no--he knew too much for that.  The pig-headed
+old fool had carted it with him wherever he went, and him and his
+daughter had come to the Old Home House because he figgered nobody
+would think of their bein' in such an out-of-the-way place as that.
+But they HAD thought of it.  Anyhow, the paper was gone.
+
+"'But Mr. Robinzer--Sterson, I mean--' cut in Cap'n Jonadab, 'you
+could have 'em took up for stealin', couldn't you?  They wouldn't
+dare--'
+
+"''Course they'd dare!  S'pose they don't know I wouldn't have that
+agreement get in the papers?  Dare!  They'd dare anything.  If they
+get away with it, by hook or crook, all I can do is haul in my
+horns and compromise.  If they've got that paper, the suit never
+comes to trial.'
+
+"'Well, they ain't got it yet,' says Peter, decided.  'Whoever
+stole the thing is right here in this boardin'-house, and it's up
+to us to see that they stay here.  Barzilla, you take care of the
+mail.  No letters must go out to-night.  Jonadab, you set up and
+watch all hands, help and all.  Nobody must leave this place, if we
+have to tie em.  And I'll keep a gen'ral overseein' of the whole
+thing, till we get a detective.  And--if you'll stand the waybill,
+Mr. Sterzer--we'll have the best Pinkerton in Boston down here in
+three hours by special train.  By the way, are you sure the thing
+IS lifted?  Where was it?'
+
+"Old Gabe kind of colored up, and give in that 'twas under his
+pillow.  He always kept it there after the beds was made.
+
+"'Humph!' grunts Brown.  'Why didn't you hang it on the door-knob?
+Under the pillow!  If I was a sneak thief, the first place I'd look
+would be under the pillow; after that I'd tackle the jewelry box
+and the safe.'
+
+"There was consider'ble more talk.  Seems the Sterzers had left
+Henry on guard, same as they always done, when they went to supper.
+They could trust him and Suzette absolute, they said.  But Henry
+had gone down the hall after a drink of water, and when he had got
+back everything apparently was all right.  'Twa'n't till Gabe
+himself come up that he found the paper gone.  I judged he'd made
+it interestin' for Henry; the poor critter looked that way.
+
+"All hands agreed to keep mum for the present and to watch.  Peter
+hustled to the office and called up the Pinkertons over the long
+distance."
+
+Mr. Wingate paused.  Captain Sol was impatient.
+
+"Go on," he said.  "Don't stop now, I'm gettin' anxious."
+
+Barzilla rose to his feet.  "Here's your McKay man back again," he
+said.  "Let's go up to your house and have breakfast.  We can talk
+while we're eatin'.  I'm empty as a poorhouse boarder's
+pocketbook."
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+AVIATION AND AVARICE
+
+
+Breakfast at Capt. Sol Berry's was a bountiful meal.  The depot
+master employed a middle-aged woman who came in each day, cooked
+his meals and did the housework, returning to her own home at
+night.  After Mr. Wingate had mowed a clean swath through ham and
+eggs, cornbread and coffee, and had reached the cooky and doughnut
+stage, he condescended to speak further concerning the stolen
+paper.
+
+"Well," he said, "Brown give me and Jonadab a serious talkin' to
+when he got us alone."
+
+"'Now, fellers,' he says, 'we know what we've got to do.  Nothin'll
+be too good for this shebang and us if we get that agreement back.
+Fust place, the thing was done a few minutes after the supper-bell
+rung.  That is, unless that 'Enry is in on the deal, which ain't
+unlikely, considerin' the price he could get from the Gordon gang.
+Was anybody late at the tables?'
+
+"Why, yes; there were quite a few late.  Two of the 'gunners,'
+who'd been on a forlorn-hope duck hunt; and a minister and his
+wife, out walkin' for their health; and Parker and two fellers from
+the football team, who'd been practicin'.
+
+"'Any of the waiters or the chambermaids?' asked Peter.
+
+"I'd been expectin' he'd ask that, and I hated to answer.
+
+"'One of the waiters was a little late,' says I.  'Willie wa'n't on
+hand immediate.  Said he went to wash his hands.'
+
+"Now the help gen'rally washed in the fo'castle--the servants'
+quarters, I mean--but there was a wash room on the floor where the
+Sterzer-Robinsons roomed.  Peter looked at Jonadab, and the two of
+'em at me.  And I had to own up that Willie had come downstairs
+from that wash room a few minutes after the bell rung.
+
+"'Hum!' says Peter T.  'Hum!' he says.  'Look here, Barzilla,
+didn't you tell me you knew that feller's real name, and that he
+had been studying law?'
+
+"'No,' says I, emphatic.  'I said 'twas law he was tryin' to get
+away from.  His tastes run large to literation and poetry.'
+
+"'Hum!' says Peter again.  'All papers are more or less literary--
+even trust agreements.  Hum!'
+
+"'All the same,' says I, 'I'll bet my Sunday beaver that HE never
+took it.'
+
+"They didn't answer, but looked solemn.  Then the three of us went
+on watch.
+
+"Nobody made a move to go out that evenin'.  I kept whatever mail
+was handed in, but there was nothin' that looked like any
+agreements, and nothin' addressed to Gordon or his lawyers.  At
+twelve or so, the detective come.  Peter drove up to the depot to
+meet the special.  He told the whole yarn on the way down.
+
+"The detective was a nice enough chap, and we agreed he should be
+'Mr. Snow,' of New York, gunnin' for health and ducks.  He said the
+watch must be kept up all night, and in the mornin' he'd make his
+fust move.  So said, so done.
+
+"And afore breakfast that next mornin' we called everybody into the
+dinin' room, boarders, help, stable hands, every last one.  And
+Peter made a little speech.  He said that a very valuable paper had
+been taken out of Mr. Robinson's room, and 'twas plain that it must
+be on the premises somewhere.  'Course, nobody was suspicioned,
+but, speakin' for himself, he'd feel better if his clothes and his
+room was searched through.  How'd the rest feel about it?
+
+"Well, they felt diff'rent ways, but Parker spoke up like a brick,
+and said he wouldn't rest easy till HIS belongin's was pawed over,
+and then the rest fell in line.  We went through everybody and
+every room on the place.  Found nothin', of course.  Snow--the
+detective--said he didn't expect to.  But I tell you there was some
+talkin' goin' on, just the same.  The minister, he hinted that he
+had some doubts about them dissipated gunners; and the gunners
+cal'lated they never see a parson yet wouldn't bear watchin'.  As
+for me, I felt like a pickpocket, and, judgin' from Jonadab's face,
+he felt the same.
+
+"The detective man swooped around quiet, bobbin' up in unexpected
+places, like a porpoise, and askin' questions once in a while.  He
+asked about most everybody, but about Willie, especial.  I judged
+Peter T. had dropped a hint to him and to Gabe.  Anyhow, the old
+critter give out that he wouldn't trust a poet with the silver
+handles on his grandmarm's coffin.  As for Grace, she acted
+dreadful nervous and worried.  Once I caught her swabbin' her eyes,
+as if she'd been cryin'; but I'd never seen her and Willie together
+but the one time I told you of.
+
+"Four days and nights crawled by.  No symptoms yet.  The Pinkertons
+was watchin' the Gordon lawyers' office in New York, and they
+reported that nothin' like that agreement had reached there.  And
+our own man--Snow--said he'd go bail it hadn't been smuggled off
+the premises sense HE struck port.  So 'twas safe so far; but where
+was it, and who had it?
+
+"The final football game, the one with Wapatomac, was to be played
+over on their grounds on the afternoon of the fifth day.  Parker,
+cap'n of the eleven, give out that, considerin' everything, he
+didn't know but we'd better call it off.  Old Robinson--Sterzer, of
+course--wouldn't hear of it.
+
+"'Not much,' says he.  'I wouldn't chance your losin' that game for
+forty papers.  You sail in and lick 'em!' or words to that effect.
+
+"So the eleven was to cruise across the bay in the Greased
+Lightnin', Peter's little motor launch, and the rooters was to go
+by train later on.  'Twas Parker's idee, goin' in the launch.
+'Twould be more quiet, less strain on the nerves of his men, and
+they could talk over plays and signals on the v'yage.
+
+"So at nine o'clock in the forenoon they was ready, the whole team--
+three waiters, two fishermen, one carpenter from up to Wellmouth
+Center, a stable hand, and Parker and three reg'lar boarders.
+These last three was friends of Parker's that he'd had come down
+some time afore.  He knew they could play football, he said, and
+they'd come to oblige him.
+
+"The eleven gathered on the front porch, all in togs and sweaters,
+principally provided and paid for by Sterzer.  Cap'n Parker had the
+ball under his arm, and the launch was waitin' ready at the
+landin'.  All the boarders--except Grace, who was upstairs in her
+room--and most of the help was standin' round to say good luck and
+good-by.
+
+"Snow, the detective, was there, and I whispered in his ear.
+
+"'Say,' I says, 'do you realize that for the fust time since the
+robbery here's a lot of folks leavin' the house?  How do you know
+but what--'
+
+"He winked and nodded brisk.  'I'll attend to that,' he says.
+
+"But he didn't have to.  Parker spoke fust, and took the wind out
+of his sails.
+
+"'Gentlemen,' says he, 'I don't know how the rest of you feel, but,
+as for me, I don't start without clear skirts.  I suggest that Mr.
+Brown and Mr. Wingate here search each one of us, thoroughly.  Who
+knows,' says he, laughin', 'but what I've got that precious stolen
+paper tucked inside my sweater?  Ha! ha!  Come on, fellers!  I'll
+be first.'
+
+"He tossed the ball into a chair and marched into the office, the
+rest of the players after him, takin' it as a big joke.  And there
+the searchin' was done, and done thorough, 'cause Peter asked Mr.
+Snow to help, and he knew how.  One thing was sure; Pa Gabe's
+agreement wa'n't hid about the persons of that football team.
+Everybody laughed--that is, all but the old man and the detective.
+Seemed to me that Snow was kind of disappointed, and I couldn't see
+why.  'Twa'n't likely any of THEM was thieves.
+
+"Cap'n Parker picked up his football and started off for the
+launch.  He'd got about ha'fway to the shore when Willie--who'd
+been stand-in' with the rest of the help, lookin' on--stepped
+for'ard pretty brisk and whispered in the ear of the Pinkerton man.
+The detective jumped, sort of, and looked surprised and mighty
+interested.
+
+"'By George!' says he.  'I never thought of that.'  Then he run to
+the edge of the piazza and called.
+
+"'Mr. Parker!' he sings out.  'Oh, Mr. Parker!'
+
+"Parker was at the top of the little rise that slopes away down to
+the landin'.  The rest of the eleven was scattered from the shore
+to the hotel steps.  He turns, without stoppin', and answers.
+
+"'What is it?' he sings out, kind of impatient.
+
+"'There's just one thing we forgot to look at,' shouts Snow.
+'Merely a matter of form, but just bring that--  Hey!  Stop him!
+Stop him!'
+
+"For Parker, instead of comin' back, had turned and was leggin' it
+for the launch as fast as he could, and that was some.
+
+"'Stop!' roars the Pinkerton man, jumpin' down the steps.  'Stop,
+or--'
+
+"'Hold him, Jim!' screeched Parker, over his shoulder.  One of the
+biggest men on the eleven--one of the three 'friends' who'd been so
+obligin' as to come down on purpose to play football--made a dive,
+caught the detective around the waist, and threw him flat.
+
+"'Go on, Ed!' he shouts.  'I've got him, all right.'
+
+"Ed--meanin' Parker--was goin' on, and goin' fast.  All hands
+seemed to be frozen stiff, me and Jonadab and Peter T. included.
+As for me, I couldn't make head nor tail of the doin's; things was
+comin' too quick for MY understandin'.
+
+"But there was one on that piazza who wa'n't froze.  Fur from it!
+Willie, the poet waiter, made a jump, swung his long legs over the
+porch-rail, hit the ground, and took after that Parker man like a
+cat after a field mouse.
+
+"Run!  I never see such runnin'!  He fairly flashed across that
+lawn and over the rise.  Parker was almost to the landin'; two more
+jumps and he'd been aboard the launch.  If he'd once got aboard, a
+turn of the switch and that electric craft would have had him out
+of danger in a shake.  But them two jumps was two too many.  Willie
+riz off the ground like a flyin' machine, turned his feet up and
+his head down, and lapped his arms around Parker's knees.  Down the
+pair of 'em went 'Ker-wallop!' and the football flew out of
+Parker's arms.
+
+"In an eyewink that poet was up, grabs the ball, and comes tearin'
+back toward us.
+
+"'Stop him!' shrieks Parker from astern.
+
+"'Head him off!  Tackle him!' bellers the big chap who was hangin'
+onto the detective.
+
+"They tell me that discipline and obeyin' orders is as much in
+football as 'tis aboard ship.  If that's so, every one of the Old
+Home House eleven was onto their jobs.  There was five men between
+Willie and the hotel, and they all bore down on him like bats on a
+June bug.
+
+"'Get him!' howls Parker, racin' to help.
+
+"'Down him!' chimes in big Jim, his knee in poor Snow's back.
+
+"'Run, Bearse!  Run!' whoops the Pinkerton man, liftin' his mouth
+out of the sand.
+
+"He run--don't you worry about that!  Likewise he dodged.  One chap
+swooped at him, and he ducked under his arms.  Another made a dive,
+and he jumped over him.  The third one he pushed one side with his
+hand.  'Pushed!' did I say?  'Knocked' would be better, for the
+feller--the carpenter 'twas--went over and over like a barrel
+rollin' down hill.  But there was two more left, and one of 'em was
+bound to have him.
+
+"Then a window upstairs banged open.
+
+"'Oh, Mr. Bearse!' screamed a voice--Grace Sterzer's voice.  'Don't
+let them get you!'
+
+"We all heard her, in spite of the shoutin' and racket.  Willie
+heard her, too.  The two fellers, one at each side, was almost on
+him, when he stopped, looked up, jumped back, and, as cool as a
+rain barrel in January, he dropped that ball and kicked it.
+
+"I can see that picture now, like a tableau at a church sociable.
+The fellers that was runnin', the others on the ground, and that
+literary pie passer with his foot swung up to his chin.
+
+"And the ball!  It sailed up and up in a long curve, began to drop,
+passed over the piazza roof, and out of sight.
+
+"'Lock your door, Miss Sterzer,' sung out Fred Bearse--'Willie' for
+short.  'Lock your door and keep that ball.  I think your father's
+paper is inside it.'
+
+"As sure as my name is Barzilla Wingate, he had kicked that
+football straight through the open window into old Gabe's room."
+
+The depot master whooped and slapped his knee.  Mr. Wingate grinned
+delightedly and continued:
+
+"There!" he went on, "the cat's out of the bag, and there ain't
+much more to tell.  Everybody made a bolt for the room, old Gabe
+and Peter T. in the lead.  Grace let her dad in, and the ball was
+ripped open in a hurry.  Sure enough!  Inside, between the leather
+and the rubber, was the missin' agreement.  Among the jubilations
+and praise services nobody thought of much else until Snow, the
+Pinkerton man, come upstairs, his clothes tore and his eyes and
+nose full of sand.
+
+"'Humph!' says he.  'You've got it, hey?  Good!  Well, you haven't
+got friend Parker.  Look!'
+
+"Such of us as could looked out of the window.  There was the
+launch, with Parker and his three 'friends' in it, headin' two-
+forty for blue water.
+
+"'Let 'em go,' says old Gabe, contented.  'I wouldn't arrest 'em if
+I could.  This is no police-station job.'
+
+"It come out afterwards that Parker was a young chap just from law
+school, who had gone to work for the firm of shysters who was
+attendin' to the Gordon interests.  They had tracked Sterzer to the
+Old Home House, and had put their new hand on the job of gettin'
+that agreement.  Fust he'd tried to shine up to Grace, but the
+shine--her part of it--had wore off.  Then he decided to steal it;
+and he done it, just how nobody knows.  Snow, the detective, says
+he cal'lates Henry, the servant, is wiser'n most folks thinks,
+fur's that's concerned.
+
+"Snow had found out about Parker inside of two days.  Soon's he got
+the report as to who he was, he was morally sartin that he was the
+thief.  He'd looked up Willie's record, too, and that was clear.
+In fact, Willie helped him consider'ble.  'Twas him that recognized
+Parker, havin' seen him play on a law-school team.  Also 'twas
+Willie who thought of the paper bein' in the football.
+
+"Land of love!  What a hero they made of that waiter!
+
+"'By the livin' Moses!' bubbles old Gabe, shakin' both the boy's
+hands.  'That was the finest run and tackle and the finest kick I
+ever saw anywhere.  I've seen every big game for ten years, and I
+never saw anything half so good.'
+
+"The Pinkerton man laughed.  'There's only one chap on earth who
+can kick like that.  Here he is,' layin' his hand on 'Willie's'
+shoulder.  Bearse, the All-American half-back last year.'
+
+"Gabe's mouth fell open.  'Not "Bung" Bearse, of Yarvard!' he sings
+out.  'Why! WHY!'
+
+"'Of course, father!' purrs his daughter, smilin' and happy.  'I
+knew him at once.  He and I were--er--slightly acquainted when I
+was at Highcliffe.'
+
+"'But--but "Bung" Bearse!' gasps the old gent.  'Why, you rascal!
+I saw you kick the goal that beat Haleton.  Your reputation is
+worldwide.'
+
+"Willie--Fred Bearse, that is--shook his head, sad and regretful.
+
+"'Thank you, Mr. Sterzer,' says he, in his gentle tenor.  'I have
+no desire to be famous in athletics.  My aspirations now are
+entirely literary.'
+
+"Well, he's got his literary job at last, bein' engaged as sportin'
+editor on one of Gabe's papers.  His dad, old Sol Bearse, seems to
+be pretty well satisfied, partic'lar as another engagement between
+the Bearse family and the Sterzers has just been given out."
+
+Barzilla helped himself to another doughnut.  His host leaned back
+in his chair and laughed uproariously.
+
+"Well, by the great and mighty!" he exclaimed, "that Willie chap
+certainly did fool you, didn't he.  You can't always tell about
+these college critters.  Sometimes they break out unexpected, like
+chickenpox in the 'Old Men's Home.'  Ha! ha!  Say, do you know Nate
+Scudder?"
+
+"Know him?  Course I know him!  The meanest man on the Cape, and
+livin' right in my own town, too!  Well, if I didn't know him I
+might trust him, and that would be the beginnin' of the end--for
+me."
+
+"It sartin would.  But what made me think of him was what he told
+me about his nephew, who was a college chap, consider'ble like your
+'Willie,' I jedge.  Nate and this nephew, Augustus Tolliver, was
+mixed up in that flyin'-machine business, you remember."
+
+"I know they was.  Mixed up with that Professor Dixland the papers
+are makin' such a fuss over.  Wellmouth's been crazy over it all,
+but it happened a year ago and nobody that I know of has got the
+straight inside facts about it yet.  Nate won't talk at all.
+Whenever you ask him he busts out swearin' and walks off.  His
+wife's got such a temper that nobody dared ask her, except the
+minister.  He tried it, and ain't been the same man since."
+
+"Well," the depot master smilingly scratched his chin, "I cal'late
+I've got those inside facts."
+
+"You HAVE?"
+
+"Yes.  Nate gave 'em to me, under protest.  You see, I know Nate
+pretty well.  I know some things about him that . . . but never
+mind that part.  I asked him and, at last, he told me.  I'll have
+to tell you in his words, 'cause half the fun was the way he told
+it and the way he looked at the whole business.  So you can imagine
+I'm Nate, and--"
+
+"'Twill be a big strain on my imagination to b'lieve you're Nate
+Scudder, Sol Berry."
+
+"Thanks.  However, you'll have to do it for a spell.  Well, Nate
+said that it really begun when the Professor and Olivia landed at
+the Wellmouth depot with the freight car full of junk.  Of course,
+the actual beginnin' was further back than that, when that Harmon
+man come on from Philadelphy and hunted him up, makin' proclamation
+that a friend of his, a Mr. Van Brunt of New York, had said that
+Scudder had a nice quiet island to let and maybe he could hire it.
+
+"Course Nate had an island--that little sun-dried sandbank a mile
+or so off shore, abreast his house, which we used to call
+'Horsefoot Bar.'  That crazy Van Brunt and his chum, Hartley, who
+lived there along with Sol Pratt a year or so ago, re-christened it
+'Ozone Island,' you remember.  Nate was willin' to let it.  He'd
+let Tophet, if he owned it, and a fool come along who wanted to
+hire it and could pay for the rent and heat.
+
+"So Nate and this Harmon feller rowed over to the Bar--to Ozone
+Island, I mean--and the desolation and loneliness of it seemed to
+suit him to perfection.  So did the old house and big barn and all
+the tumbledown buildin's stuck there in the beach-grass and sand.
+Afore they'd left they made a dicker.  He wa'n't the principal in
+it.  He was the private secretary and fust mate of Mr. Professor
+Ansel Hobart Dixland, the scientist--perhaps Scudder'd heard of
+him?
+
+"Perhaps he had, but if so, Nate forgot it, though he didn't tell
+him that.  Harmon ordered a fifteen-foot-high board fence built all
+around the house and barn, and made Nate swear not to tell a soul
+who was comin' nor anything.  Dixland might want the island two
+months, he said, or he might want it two years.  Nate didn't care.
+He was in for good pickin's, and begun to pick by slicin' a liberal
+commission off that fencebuildin' job.  There was a whole passel of
+letters back and forth between Nate and Harmon, and finally Nate
+got word to meet the victims at the depot.
+
+"There was the professor himself, an old dried-up relic with
+whiskers and a temper; and there was Miss Olivia Dixland, his niece
+and housekeeper, a slim, plain lookin' girl, who wore eyeglasses
+and a straight up and down dress.  And there was a freight car full
+of crates and boxes and land knows what all.  But nary sign was
+there of a private secretary and assistant.  The professor told
+Nate that Mr. Harmon's health had suddenly broke down and he'd had
+to be sent South.
+
+"'It's a calamity,' says he; 'a real calamity!  Harmon has been
+with me in my work from the beginnin'; and now, just as it is
+approachin' completion, he is taken away.  They say he may die.  It
+is very annoyin'.'
+
+"'Humph!' says Nate.  'Well, maybe it annoys HIM some, too; you
+can't tell.  What you goin' to do for a secretary?'
+
+"'I understand,' says the professor, 'that there is a person of
+consider'ble scientific attainment residin' with you, Mr. Scudder,
+at present.  Harmon met him while he was here; they were in the
+same class at college.  Harmon recommended him highly.  Olivia,' he
+says to the niece, 'what was the name of the young man whom Harmon
+recommended?'
+
+"'Tolliver, Uncle Ansel,' answers the girl, lookin' kind of
+disdainful at Nate.  Somehow he had the notion that she didn't take
+to him fust rate.
+
+"'Hey?' sings out Nate.  'Tolliver?  Why, that's Augustus!
+AUGUSTUS! well, I'll be switched!'
+
+"Augustus Tolliver was Nate's nephew from up Boston way.  Him and
+Nate was livin' together at that time.  Huldy Ann, Mrs. Scudder,
+was out West, in Omaha, takin' care of a cousin of hers who was a
+chronic invalid and, what's more to the purpose, owned a lot of
+stock in copper mines.
+
+"Augustus was a freckle-faced, spindle-shanked little critter, with
+spectacles and a soft, polite way of speakin' that made you want to
+build a fire under him to see if he could swear like a Christian.
+He had a big head with consider'ble hair on the top of it and
+nothin' underneath but what he called 'science' and 'sociology.'
+His science wa'n't nothin' but tommy-rot to Nate, and the
+'sociology' was some kind of drivel about everybody bein' equal to
+everybody else, or better.  'Seemed to think 'twas wrong to get a
+good price for a thing when you found a feller soft enough to pay
+it.  Did you ever hear the beat of that in your life?' says Nate.
+
+"However, Augustus had soaked so much science and sociology into
+that weak noddle of his that they kind of made him drunk, as you
+might say, and the doctor had sent him down to board with the
+Scudders and sleep it off.  'Nervous prostration' was the way he
+had his symptoms labeled, and the nerve part was all right, for if
+a hen flew at him he'd holler and run.  Scart! you never see such a
+scart cat in your born days.  Scart of a boat, scart of being
+seasick, scart of a gun, scart of everything!  Most special he was
+scart of Uncle Nate.  The said uncle kept him that way so's he
+wouldn't dast to kick at the grub him and Huldy Ann give him, I
+guess.
+
+"'Augustus Tolliver,' says old Dixland, noddin'.  'Yes, that is the
+name.  Has he had a sound scientific trainin'?'
+
+"'Scientific trainin'!' says Nate.  'Scientific trainin'?  Why, you
+bet he's had it!  That's the only kind of trainin' he HAS had.
+He'll be just the feller for you, Mr. Dixland.'
+
+"So that was settled, all but notifyin' Augustus.  But Scudder
+sighted another speculation in the offin', and hove alongside of
+it.
+
+"'Mr. Harmon, when he was here,' says he, 'he mentioned you needin'
+a nice, dependable man to live on the island and be sort of general
+roustabout.  My wife bein' away just now, and all, it struck me
+that I might as well be that man.  Maybe my terms'll seem a little
+high, at fust mention, but--'
+
+"'Very good,' says the professor, 'very good.  I'm sure you'll be
+satisfactory.  Now please see to the unloading of that car.  And be
+careful, VERY careful.'
+
+"Nate broke the news to Augustus that afternoon.  He had his nose
+stuck in a book, as usual, and never heard, so Nate yelled at him
+like a mate on a tramp steamer, just to keep in trainin'.
+
+"'Who?  Who?  Who?  What?  What?' squeals Augustus, jumpin' out of
+the chair as if there was pins in it.  'What is it?  Who did it?
+Oh, my poor nerves!'
+
+"'Drat your poor nerves!' Nate says.  'I've got a good promisin'
+job for you.  Listen to this.'
+
+"Then he told about the professor's wantin' Gus to be assistant and
+help do what the old man called 'experiments.'
+
+"'Dixland?' says Gus, 'Ansel Hobart Dixland, the great scientist!
+And I'm to be HIS assistant?  Assistant to the man who discovered
+DIXIUM and invented--'
+
+"'Oh, belay there!' snorts Nate, impatient.  Tell me this--he's
+awful rich, ain't he?'
+
+"'Why, I believe--yes, Harmon said he was.  But to think of MY
+bein'--'
+
+"'Now, nephew,' Nate cut in, 'let me talk to you a minute.  Me and
+your Aunt Huldy Ann have been mighty kind to you sence you've been
+here, and here's your chance to do us a good turn.  You stick close
+to science and the professor and let me attend to the finances.  If
+this family ain't well off pretty soon it won't be your Uncle
+Nate's fault.  Only don't you put your oar in where 'tain't
+needed.'
+
+"Lord love you, Gus didn't care about finances.  He was so full of
+joy at bein' made assistant to the great Ansel Whiskers Dixland
+that he forgot everything else, nerves and all.
+
+"So in another day the four of 'em was landed on Ozone Island and
+so was the freight-car load of crates and boxes.  Grub and
+necessaries was to be provided by Scudder--for salary as stated and
+commission understood.
+
+"It took Nate less than a week to find out what old Dixland was up
+to.  When he learned it, he set down in the sand and fairly snorted
+disgust.  The old idiot was cal'latin' to FLY.  Seems that for
+years he'd been experimentin' with what he called 'aeroplanes,' and
+now he'd reached the stage where he b'lieved he could flap his
+wings and soar.  'Thinks I,' says Nate, 'your life work's cut out
+for you, Nate Scudder.  You'll spend the rest of your days as
+gen'ral provider for the Ozone private asylum.'  Well, Scudder
+wa'n't complainin' none at the outlook.  He couldn't make a good
+livin' no easier.
+
+"The aeroplane was in sections in them boxes and crates.  Nate and
+Augustus and the professor got out the sections and fitted 'em
+together.  The buildin's on Ozone was all joined together--first
+the house, then the ell, then the wash-rooms and big sheds, and,
+finally, the barn.  There was doors connectin', and you could go
+from house to barn, both downstairs and up, without steppin'
+outside once.
+
+"'Twas in the barn that they built what Whiskers called the 'flyin'
+stage.'  'Twas a long chute arrangement on trestles, and the idea
+was that the aeroplane was to get her start by slidin' down the
+chute, out through the big doors and off by the atmosphere route to
+glory.  I say that was the IDEA.  In practice she worked different.
+
+"Twice the professor made proclamations that everything was ready,
+and twice they started that flyin' machine goin'.  The fust time
+Dixland was at the helm, and him and the aeroplane dropped headfust
+into the sandbank just outside the barn.  The machine was
+underneath, and the pieces of it acted as a fender, so all the
+professor fractured was his temper.  But it took ten days to get
+the contraption ready for the next fizzle.  Then poor, shaky, scart
+Augustus was pilot, and he went so deep into the bank that Nate
+says he wondered whether 'twas wuth while doin' anything but
+orderin' the gravestone.  But they dug him out at last, whole, but
+frightened blue, and his nerves was worse than ever after that.
+
+"Then old Dixland announces that he has discovered somethin' wrong
+in the principle of the thing, and they had to wait while he
+ordered some new fittin's from Boston.
+
+"Meanwhile there was other complications settin' in.  Scudder was
+kept busy providin' grub and such like and helpin' the niece,
+Olivia, with the housework.  Likewise he had his hands full keepin'
+the folks alongshore from findin' out what was goin' on.  All this
+flyin' foolishness had to be a dead secret.
+
+"But, busy as he was, he found time to notice the thick
+acquaintance that was developin' between Augustus and Olivia.  Them
+two was what the minister calls 'kindred sperrits.'  Seems she was
+sufferin' from science same as he was and, more'n that, she was
+loaded to the gunwale with 'social reform.'  To hear the pair of
+'em go on about helpin' the poor and 'settlement work' and such was
+enough, accordin' to Nate, to make you leave the table.  But there!
+He couldn't complain.  Olivia was her uncle's only heir, and Nate
+could see a rainbow of promise ahead for the Scudder family.
+
+"The niece was a nice, quiet girl.  The only thing Nate had against
+her, outside of the sociology craziness and her not seemin' to take
+a shine to him, was her confounded pets.  Nate said he never had no
+use for pets--lazy critters, eatin' up the victuals and costin'
+money--but Olivia was dead gone on 'em.  She adopted an old
+reprobate of a tom-cat, which she labeled 'Galileo,' after an
+Eyetalian who invented spyglasses or somethin' similar, and a great
+big ugly dog that answered to the hail of 'Phillips Brooks'; she
+named him that because she said the original Phillips was a
+distinguished parson and a great philanthropist.
+
+"That dog was a healthy philanthropist.  When Nate kicked him the
+first time, he chased him the whole length of the barn.  After that
+they had to keep him chained up.  He was just pinin' for a chance
+to swaller Scudder whole, and he showed it.
+
+"Well, as time went on, Olivia and Augustus got chummier and
+chummier.  Nate give 'em all the chance possible to be together,
+and as for old Professor Whiskers, all he thought of, anyway, was
+his blessed flyin' machine.  So things was shapin' themselves well,
+'cordin' to Scudder's notion.
+
+"One afternoon Nate come, unexpected, to the top of a sand hill at
+t'other end of the island, and there, below, set Olivia and
+Augustus.  He had a clove hitch 'round her waist, and they was
+lookin' into each other's spectacles as if they was windows in the
+pearly gates.  Thinks Nate: 'They've signed articles,' and he
+tiptoed away, feelin' that life wa'n't altogether an empty dream.
+
+"They was lively hours, them that followed.  To begin with, when
+Nate got back to the barn he found the professor layin' on the
+floor, under the flyin' stage, groanin' soulful but dismal.  He'd
+slipped off one of the braces of the trestles and sprained both
+wrists and bruised himself till he wa'n't much more than one big
+lump.  He hadn't bruised his tongue none to speak of, though, and
+his language wa'n't sprained so that you'd notice it.  What broke
+him up most of all was that he'd got his aeroplane ready to 'fly'
+again, and now he was knocked out so's he couldn't be aboard when
+she went off the ways.
+
+"'It is the irony of fate,' says he.
+
+"'I got it off the blacksmith over to Wellmouth Centre,' Nate told
+him; 'but HE might have got it from Fate, or whoever you mean.
+'Twas slippery iron, I know that, and I warned you against steppin'
+on it yesterday.'
+
+"The professor more'n hinted that Nate was a dunderhead idiot, and
+then he commenced to holler for Tolliver; he wanted to see Tolliver
+right off.  Scudder thought he'd ought to see a doctor, but he
+wouldn't, so Nate plastered him up best he could, got him into the
+big chair in the front room, and went huntin' Augustus.  Him and
+Olivia was still camped in the sand bank.  Gus's right arm had got
+tired by this time, I cal'late, but he had a new hitch with his
+left.  Likewise they was still starin' into each other's specs.
+
+"'Excuse me for interruptin' the mesmerism,' says Nate, 'but the
+professor wants to see you.'
+
+"They jumped and broke away.  But it took more'n that to bring 'em
+down out of the clouds.  They'd been flyin' a good sight higher
+than the old aeroplane had yet.
+
+"'Uncle Nathan,' says Augustus, gettin' up and shakin' hands, 'I
+have the most wonderful news for you.  It's hardly believable.
+You'll never guess it.'
+
+"'Give me three guesses and I'll win on the fust,' says Nate.  'You
+two are engaged.'
+
+"They looked at him as if he'd done somethin' wonderful.  'But,
+Uncle,' says Gus, shakin' hands again, 'just think! she's actually
+consented to marry me.'
+
+"'Well, that's gen'rally understood to be a part of engagin', ain't
+it?'  says Nate.  'I'm glad to hear it.  Miss Dixiand, I
+congratulate you.  You've got a fine, promisin' young man.'
+
+"That, to Nate's notion, was about the biggest lie he ever told,
+but Olivia swallered it for gospel.  She seemed to thaw toward
+Scudder a little mite, but 'twa'n't at a permanent melt, by no
+means.
+
+"'Thank you, Mr. Scudder,' says she, still pretty frosty.  'I am
+full aware of Mr. Tolliver's merits.  I'm glad to learn that YOU
+recognize them.  He has told some things concernin' his stay at
+your home which--'
+
+"'Yes, yes,' says Nate, kind of hurried.  'Well, I'm sorry to dump
+bad news into a puddle of happiness like this, but your Uncle
+Ansel, Miss Dixland, has been tryin' to fly without his machine,
+and he's sorry for it.'
+
+"Then he told what had happened to the professor, and Olivia
+started on the run for the house.  Augustus was goin', too, but
+Nate held him back.
+
+"'Wait a minute, Gus,' says he.  'Walk along with me; I want to
+talk with you.  Now, as an older man, your nighest relation, and
+one that's come to love you like a son--yes, sir, like a son--I
+think it's my duty just now to say a word of advice.  You're goin'
+to marry a nice girl that's comin' in for a lot of money one of
+these days.  The professor, he's kind of old, his roof leaks
+consider'ble, and this trouble is likely to hurry the end along.
+
+"'Now, then,' Nate goes on, 'Augustus, my boy, what are you and
+that simple, childlike girl goin' to do with all that money?  How
+are you goin' to take care of it?  You and 'Livia--you mustn't mind
+my callin' her that 'cause she's goin' to be one of the family so
+soon--you'll want to be fussin' with science and such, and you
+won't have no time to attend to the finances.  You'll need a good,
+safe person to be your financial manager.  Well, you know me and
+you know your Aunt Huldy Ann.  WE know all about financin'; WE'VE
+had experience.  You just let us handle the bonds and coupons and
+them trifles.  We'll invest 'em for you.  We'll be yours and
+'Livia's financial managers.  As for our wages, maybe they'll seem
+a little high, but that's easy arranged.  And--'
+
+"Gus interrupted then.  'Oh, that's all settled,' he says.  'Olivia
+and I have planned all that.  When we're married we shall devote
+our lives to social work--to settlement work.  All the money we
+ever get we shall use to help the poor.  WE don't want any of it.
+We shall live AMONG the poor, live just as frugally as they do.
+Our money we shall give--every cent of it--to charity and--'
+
+"'Lord sakes!' yells Nate, 'DON'T talk that way!  Don't!  Be you
+crazy, too?  Why--'
+
+"But Gus went on, talkin' a steady streak about livin' in a little
+tenement in what he called the 'slums' and chuckin' the money to
+this tramp and that, till Nate's head was whirlin'.  'Twa'n't no
+joke.  He meant it and so did she, and they was just the pair of
+loons to do it, too.
+
+"Afore Nate had a chance to think up anything sensible to say,
+Olivia comes hollerin' for Gus to hurry.  Off he went, and Nate
+followed along, holdin' his head and staggerin' like a voter comin'
+home from a political candidate's picnic.  All he could think of
+was: 'THIS the end of all my plannin'!  What--WHAT'LL Huldy Ann say
+to THIS?'
+
+"Nate found the professor bolstered up in his chair, with the other
+two standin' alongside.  He was layin' down the law about that
+blessed aeroplane.
+
+"'No! no! NO! I tell you!' he roars, 'I'll see no doctor.  My
+invention is ready at last, and, if I'm goin' to die, I'll die
+successful.  Tolliver, you've been a faithful worker with me, and
+yours shall be the privilege of makin' the first flight.  Wheel me
+to the window, Olivia, and let me see my triumph.'
+
+"But Olivia didn't move.  Instead, she looked at Augustus and he at
+her.  'Wheel me to the window!' yells Dixland.  'Tolliver, what are
+you waitin' for?  The doors are open, the aeroplane is ready.  Go
+this instant and fly.'
+
+"Augustus was a bird all right, 'cordin' to Nate's opinion, but he
+didn't seem anxious to spread his wings.  He was white, and them
+nerves of his was all in a twitter.  If ever there was a scart
+critter, 'twas him then.
+
+"'Go out and fly,' says Nate to him, pretty average ugly.  'Don't
+you hear the boss's order?  Here, professor, I'll push you to the
+window.'
+
+"'Thank you, Scudder,' says Dixland.  And then turnin' to Gus:
+'Well, sir, may I ask why you wait?'
+
+"'Twas Olivia that answered.  'Uncle Ansel,' says she, 'I must tell
+you somethin'.  I should have preferred tellin' you privately,' she
+puts in, glarin' at Nate, 'but it seems I can't.  Mr. Tolliver and
+I are engaged to be married.'
+
+"Old Whiskers didn't seem to care a continental.  All he had in his
+addled head was that flyin' contraption.
+
+"'All right, all right,' he snaps, fretty, 'I'm satisfied.  He
+appears to be a decent young man enough.  But now I want him to
+start my aeroplane.'
+
+"'No, Uncle Ansel,' goes on Olivia, 'I cannot permit him to risk
+his life in that way.  His nerves are not strong and neither is his
+heart.  Besides, the aeroplane has failed twice.  Luckily no one
+was killed in the other trials, but the chances are that the third
+time may prove fatal.'
+
+"'Fatal, you imbecile!' shrieks the professor.  'It's perfected, I
+tell you!  I--'
+
+"'It makes no difference.  No, uncle, Augustus and I have made up
+our minds.  His life and health are too precious; he must be spared
+for the grand work that we are to do together.  No, Uncle Ansel, he
+shall NOT fly.'
+
+"Did you ever see a cat in a fit?  That was the professor just
+then, so Nate said.  He tried to wave his sprained wrists and
+couldn't; tried to stamp his foot and found it too lame.  But his
+eyeglasses flashed sparks and his tongue spit fire.
+
+"'Are you goin' to start that machine?' he screams at the blue-
+white, shaky Augustus.
+
+"'No, Professor Dixland,' stammers Gus.  'No, sir, I'm sorry, but--'
+
+"'Why don't you ask Mr. Scudder to make the experiment, uncle?'
+suggests that confounded niece, smilin' the spitefullest smile.
+
+"'Scudder,' says the professor, 'I'll give you five thousand
+dollars cash to start in that aeroplane this moment.'
+
+"For a jiffy Nate was staggered.  Five thousand dollars CASH--whew!
+But then he thought of how deep Gus had been shoved into that
+sandbank.  And there was a new and more powerful motor aboard the
+thing now.  Five thousand dollars ain't much good to a telescoped
+corpse.  He fetched a long breath.
+
+"'Well, now, Mr. Dixland,' he says, 'I'd like to, fust rate, but
+you see I don't know nothin' about mechanics.'
+
+"'Professor--' begins Augustus.  'Twas the final straw.  Old
+Whiskers jumped out of the chair, lameness and all.
+
+"'Out of this house, you ingrate!' he bellers.  'Out this instant!
+I discharge you.  Go! go!'
+
+"He was actually frothin' at the mouth.  I cal'late Olivia thought
+he was goin' to die, for she run to him.
+
+"'You'd better go, I think,' says she to her shakin' beau.  'Go,
+dear, now.  I must stay with him for the present, but we will see
+each other soon.  Go now, and trust me.'
+
+"'I disown you, you ungrateful girl,' foams her uncle.  'Scudder, I
+order you to put that--that creature off this island.'
+
+"'Yes, sir,' says Nate, polite; 'in about two shakes of a heifer's
+tail.'
+
+"He started for Augustus, and Gus started for the door.  I guess
+Olivia might have interfered, but just then the professor keels
+over in a kind of faint and she had to tend to him.  Gus darts out
+of the door with Nate after him.  Scudder reached the beach just as
+his nephew was shovin' off in the boat, bound for the mainland.
+
+"'Consarn your empty head!' Nate yelled after him.  'See what you
+get by not mindin' me, don't you?  I'm runnin' things on this
+island after this.  I'm boss here; understand?  When you're ready
+to sign a paper deedin' over ha'f that money your wife's goin' to
+get to me and Huldy Ann, maybe I'll let you come back.  And perhaps
+then I'll square things for you with Dixland.  But if you dare to
+set foot on these premises until then I'll murder you; I'll drown
+you; I'll cut you up for bait; I'll feed you to the dog.'
+
+"He sculled off, his oars rattlin' 'Hark from the tomb' in the
+rowlocks.  He b'lieved Nate meant it all.  Oh, Scudder had HIM
+trained all right."
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+CAPTAIN SOL DECIDES TO MOVE
+
+
+"Trust Nate for that," interrupted Wingate.  "He's just as much a
+born bully as he is a cheat and a skinflint."
+
+"Yup," went on Captain Sol.  "Well, when Nate got back to the house
+the professor was alone in the chair, lookin' sick and weak.
+Olivia was up in her room havin' a cryin' fit.  Nate got the old
+man to bed, made him some clam soup and hot tea, and fetched and
+carried for him like he was a baby.  The professor's talk was
+mainly about the ungrateful desertion, as he called it, of his
+assistant.
+
+"'Keep him away from this island,' he says.  'If he comes, I shall
+commit murder; I know it.'
+
+"Scudder promised that Augustus shouldn't come back.  The professor
+wanted guard kept night and day.  Nate said he didn't know's he
+could afford so much time, and Dixland doubled his wages on the
+spot.  So Nate agreed to stand double watches, made him comfort'ble
+for the night, and left him.
+
+"Olivia didn't come downstairs again.  She didn't seem to want any
+supper, but Nate did and had it, a good one.  Galileo, the cat,
+came yowlin' around, and Nate kicked him under the sofy.  Phillips
+Brooks was howlin' starvation in the woodshed, and Scudder let him
+howl.  If he starved to death Nate wouldn't put no flowers on his
+grave.  Take it altogether, he was havin' a fairly good time.
+
+"And when, later on, he set alone up in his room over the kitchen,
+he begun to have a better one.  Prospects looked good.  Maybe old
+Dixland WOULD disown his niece.  If he did, Nate figgered he was as
+healthy a candidate for adoption as anybody.  And Augustus would
+have to come to terms or stay single.  That is, unless him and
+Olivia got married on nothin' a week, paid yearly.  Nate guessed
+Huldy Ann would think he'd managed pretty well.
+
+"He set there for a long while, thinkin', and then he says he
+cal'lates he must have dozed off.  At any rate, next thing he knew
+he was settin' up straight in his chair, listenin'.  It seemed to
+him that he'd heard a sound in the kitchen underneath.
+
+"He looked out of the window, and right away he noticed somethin'.
+'Twas a beautiful, clear moonlight night, and the high board fence
+around the buildin's showed black against the white sand.  And in
+that white strip was a ten-foot white gape.  Nate had shut that
+gate afore he went upstairs.  Who'd opened it?  Then he heard the
+noise in the kitchen again.  Somebody was talkin' down there.
+
+"Nate got up and tiptoed acrost the room.  He was in his stockin'
+feet, so he didn't make a sound.  He reached into the corner and
+took out his old duck gun.  It was loaded, both barrels.  Nate
+cocked the gun and crept down the back stairs.
+
+"There was a lamp burnin' low on the kitchen table, and there, in a
+couple of chairs hauled as close together as they could be, set
+that Olivia niece and Augustus.  They was in a clove hitch again
+and whisperin' soft and slushy.
+
+"My! but Scudder was b'ilin'!  He give one jump and landed in the
+middle of that kitchen floor.
+
+"'You--you--you!' he yelled, wavin' the shotgun.  'You're back
+here, are you?  You know what I told you I'd do to you?  Well, now,
+I'll do it.'
+
+"The pair of 'em had jumped about as far as Nate had, only the
+opposite way.  Augustus was a paralyzed statue, but Olivia had her
+senses with her.
+
+"'Run, Augustus!' she screamed.  'He'll shoot you.  Run!'
+
+"And then, with a screech like a siren whistle, Augustus commenced
+to run.  Nate was between him and the outside door, so he bolted
+headfirst into the dining room.  And after him went Nate Scudder,
+so crazy mad he didn't know what he was doin'.
+
+"'Twas pitch dark in the dining room, but through it they went
+rattlety bang! dishes smashin', chairs upsettin' and 'hurrah,
+boys!' to pay gen'rally.  Then through the best parlor and into the
+front hall.
+
+"I cal'late Nate would have had him at the foot of the front stairs
+if it hadn't been for Galileo.  That cat had been asleep on the
+sofy, and the noise and hullabaloo had stirred him up till he was
+as crazy as the rest of 'em.  He run right under Nate's feet and
+down went Nate sprawlin' and both barrels of the shotgun bust loose
+like a couple of cannon.
+
+"Galileo took for tall timber, whoopin' anthems.  Up them front
+stairs went Augustus, screechin' shrill, like a woman; he was SURE
+Nate meant to murder him now.  And after him his uncle went on all
+fours, swearin' tremendous.
+
+"Then 'twas through one bedroom after another, and each one more
+crowded with noisy, smashable things than that previous.  Nate said
+he could remember the professor roarin' 'Fire!' and 'Help!' as the
+two of 'em bumped into his bed, but they didn't stop--they was too
+busy.  The whole length of the house upstairs they traveled, then
+through the ell, then the woodshed loft, and finally out into the
+upper story of the barn.  And there Nate knew he had him.  The
+ladder was down.
+
+"'Now!' says Nate.  'Now, you long-legged villain, if I don't give
+you what's comin' to you, then--  Oh, there ain't no use in your
+climbin' out there; you can't get down.'
+
+"The big barn doors was open, and, in the moonlight, Nate could see
+Gus scramblin' up and around on the flyin' stage where the
+professor's aeroplane was perched, lookin' like some kind of
+magnified June bug.
+
+"'Come back, you fool!' Scudder yelled at him.  'Come back and be
+butchered.  You might as well; it's too high for you to drop.  You
+won't?  Then I'll come after you.'
+
+"Nate says he never shall forget Augustus's face in the blue light
+when he see his uncle climbin' out on that stage after him.  He was
+simply desperate--that's it, desperate.  And the next thing he did
+was jump into the saddle of the machine and pull the startin'
+lever.
+
+"There was the buzz of the electric motor, a slippery, slidin'
+sound, one awful hair-raisin' whoop from Augustus, and then--
+'F-s-s-s-t!'--down the flyin' stage whizzed that aeroplane and out
+through the doors.
+
+"Nate set down on the trestles and waited for the sound of the
+smash.  I guess he actually felt conscience stricken.  Of course,
+he'd only done his duty, and yet--
+
+"But no smash came.  Instead, there was a long scream from the
+kitchen--Olivia's voice that was.  And then another yell that for
+pure joy beat anything ever heard.
+
+"'It flies!' screamed Professor Ansel Hobart Whiskers Dixland, from
+his bedroom window.  'At last!  At last!  It FLIES!'
+
+"It took Nate some few minutes to paw his way back through the shed
+loft and the ell over the things him and Gus knocked down on the
+fust lap, until he got to his room where the trouble had started.
+Then he went down to the kitchen and outdoor.
+
+"Olivia, a heavenly sort of look on her face, was standin' in the
+moonlight, with her hands clasped, lookin' up at the sky.
+
+"'It flies!' says she, in a kind of whisper over and over again.
+'Oh! it FLIES!'
+
+"Alongside of her was old Dixland, wrapped in a bedquilt,
+forgettin' all about sprains and lameness; and he likewise was
+staring at the sky and sayin' over and over:
+
+"'It flies!  It really FLIES!'
+
+"And Nate looked up, and there, scootin' around in circles, now up
+high and now down low, tippin' this way and tippin' that, was that
+aeroplane.  And in the stillness you could hear the buzz of the
+motor and the yells of Augustus.
+
+"Down flopped Scudder in the sand.  'Great land of love,' he says,
+'it FLIES!'
+
+"Well, for five minutes or so they watched that thing swoop and
+duck and sail up there overhead.  And then, slow and easy as a
+feather in a May breeze, down she flutters and lands soft on a
+hummock a little ways off.  And that Augustus--a fool for luck--
+staggers out of it safe and sound, and sets down and begins to cry.
+
+"The fust thing to reach him was Olivia.  She grabbed him around
+the neck, and you never heard such goin's on as them two had.  Nate
+come hurryin' up.
+
+"'Here you!' he says, pullin' 'em apart.  'That's enough of this.
+And you,' he adds to Gus, 'clear right out off this island.  I
+won't make shark bait of you this time, but--'
+
+"And then comes Dixland, hippity-hop over the hummocks.  'My noble
+boy!' he sings out, fallin' all of a heap onto Augustus's round
+shoulders.  'My noble boy!  My hero!'
+
+"Nate looked on for a full minute with his mouth open.  Olivia went
+away toward the house.  The professor and Gus was sheddin' tears
+like a couple of waterin' pots.
+
+"'Come! come!' says Scudder finally; 'get up, Mr. Dixland; you'll
+catch cold.  Now then, you Tolliver, toddle right along to your
+boat.  Don't you worry, professor, I'll fix him so's he won't come
+here no more.'
+
+"But the professor turned on him like a flash.
+
+"'How dare you interfere?' says he.  'I forgive him everything.  He
+is a hero.  Why, man, he FLEW!'
+
+"Olivia came up behind and touched Nate on the shoulders.  'Don't
+you think you'd better go, Mr. Scudder?' she purred.  'I've
+unchained Phillips Brooks.'
+
+"Nate swears he never made better time than he done gettin' to the
+shore and the boat Augustus had come over in.  But that
+philanthropist dog only missed the supper he'd been waitin' for by
+about a foot and a half, even as 'twas.
+
+"And that was the end of it, fur's Nate was concerned.  Olivia was
+boss from then on, and Scudder wa'n't allowed to land on his own
+island.  And pretty soon they all went away, flyin' machine and
+all, and now Gus and Olivia are married."
+
+"Well, by gum!" cried Wingate.  "Say, that must have broke Nate's
+heart completely.  All that good money goin' to the poor.  Ha! ha!"
+
+"Yes," said Captain Sol, with a broad grin.  "Nate told me that
+every time he realized that Gus's flyin' at all was due to his
+scarin' him into it, it fairly made him sick of life."
+
+"What did Huldy Ann say?  I'll bet the fur flew when SHE heard of
+it!"
+
+"I guess likely it did.  Scudder says her jawin's was the worst of
+all.  Her principal complaint was that he didn't take up with the
+professor's five-thousand offer and try to fly.  'What if 'twas
+risky?' she says.  'If anything happened to you the five thousand
+would have come to your heirs, wouldn't it?  But no! you never
+think of no one but yourself.'"
+
+Mr. Wingate glanced at his watch.  "Good land!" he cried, "I didn't
+realize 'twas so late.  I must trot along down and meet Stitt.  He
+and I are goin' to corner the clam market."
+
+"I must be goin', too," said the depot master, rising and moving
+toward the door, picking up his cap on the way.  He threw open the
+door and exclaimed, "Hello! here's Sim.  What you got on your mind,
+Sim?"
+
+Mr. Phinney looked rather solemn.  "I wanted to speak with you a
+minute, Sol," he began.  "Hello! Barzilla, I didn't know you was
+here."
+
+"I shan't be here but one second longer," replied Mr. Wingate, as
+he and Phinney shook hands.  "I'm late already.  Bailey'll think I
+ain't comin'.  Good-by, boys.  See you this afternoon, maybe."
+
+"Yes, do," cried Berry, as his guest hurried down to the gate.  "I
+want to hear about those automobiles over your way.  You ain't
+bought one, have you, Barzilla?"
+
+Wingate grinned over his shoulder.  "No," he called, "I ain't.  But
+other folks you know have.  It's the biggest joke on earth.  You
+and Sim'll want to hear it."
+
+He waved a big hand and walked briskly up the Shore Road.  The
+depot master turned to his friend.
+
+"Well, Sim?" he asked.
+
+"Well, Sol," answered the building mover gravely, "I've just met
+Mr. Hilton, the minister, and he told me somethin' about Olive
+Edwards, somethin' I thought you'd want to know.  You said for me
+to find out what she was cal'latin' to do when she had to give up
+her home and--"
+
+"I know what I said," interrupted the depot master rather sharply.
+"What did Hilton say?"
+
+"Mr. Hilton told me not to tell," continued Phinney, "and I shan't
+tell nobody but you, Sol.  I know you wont t mention it.  The
+minister says that Olive's hard up as she can be.  All she's got in
+the world is the little furniture and store stuff in her house.
+The store stuff don't amount to nothin', but the furniture belonged
+to her pa and ma, and she set a heap by it.  Likewise, as everybody
+knows, she's awful proud and self-respectin'.  Anything like
+charity would kill her.  Now out West--in Omaha or somewheres--
+she's got a cousin who owed her dad money.  Old Cap'n Seabury lent
+this Omaha man two or three thousand dollars and set him up in
+business.  Course, the debt's outlawed, but Olive don't realize
+that, or, if she did, it wouldn't count with her.  She couldn't
+understand how law would have any effect on payin' money you
+honestly owe.  She's written to the Omaha cousin, tellin' him what
+a scrape she's in and askin' him to please, if convenient, let her
+have a thousand or so on account.  She figgers if she gets that,
+she can go to Bayport or Orham or somewheres and open another
+notion store."
+
+Captain Berry lit a cigar.  "Hum!" he said, after a minute.  "You
+say she's written to this chap.  Has she got an answer yet?"
+
+"No, not any definite one.  She heard from the man's wife sayin'
+that her husband--the cousin--had gone on a fishin' trip somewheres
+up in Canady and wouldn't be back afore the eighth of next month.
+Soon's he does come he'll write her.  But Mr. Hilton thinks, and so
+do I--havin' heard a few things about this cousin--that it's mighty
+doubtful if he sends any money."
+
+"Yes, I shouldn't wonder.  Where's Olive goin' to stay while she's
+waitin' to hear?"
+
+"In her own house.  Mr. Hilton went to Williams and pleaded with
+him, and he finally agreed to let her stay there until the
+'Colonial' is moved onto the lot.  Then the Edwardses house'll be
+tore down and Olive'll have to go, of course."
+
+The depot master puffed thoughtfully at his cigar.
+
+"She won't hear before the tenth, at the earliest," he said.  "And
+if Williams begins to move his 'Colonial' at once, he'll get it to
+her lot by the seventh, sure.  Have you given him your figures for
+the job?"
+
+"Handed 'em in this very mornin'.  One of his high-and-mighty
+servants, all brass buttons and braid, like a feller playin' in the
+band, took my letter and condescended to say he'd pass it on to
+Williams.  I'd liked to have kicked the critter, just to see if he
+COULD unbend; but I jedged 'twouldn't be good business."
+
+"Probably not.  If the 'Colonial' gets to Olive's lot afore she
+hears from the Omaha man, what then?"
+
+"Well, that's the worst of it.  The minister don't know what she'll
+do.  There's plenty of places where she'd be more'n welcome to
+visit a spell, but she's too proud to accept.  Mr. Hilton's afraid
+she'll start for Boston to hunt up a job, or somethin'.  You know
+how much chance she stands of gettin' a job that's wuth anything."
+
+Phinney paused, anxiously awaiting his companion's reply.  When it
+came it was very unsatisfactory.
+
+"I'm goin' to the depot," said the Captain, brusquely.  "So long,
+Sim."
+
+He slammed the door of the house behind him, strode to the gate,
+flung it open, and marched on.  Simeon gazed in astonishment, then
+hurried to overtake him.  Ranging alongside, he endeavored to
+reopen the conversation, but to no purpose.  The depot master would
+not talk.  They turned into Cross Street.
+
+"Well!" exclaimed Mr. Phinney, panting from his unaccustomed hurry,
+"what be we, runnin' a race?  Why! . . .  Oh, how d'ye do, Mr.
+Williams, sir?  Want to see me, do you?"
+
+The magnate of East Harniss stepped forward.
+
+"Er--Phinney," he said, " I want a moment of your time.  Morning,
+Berry."
+
+"Mornin', Williams," observed Captain Sol brusquely.  "All right,
+Sim.  I'll wait for you farther on."
+
+He continued his walk.  The building mover stood still.  Mr.
+Williams frowned with lofty indignation.
+
+"Phinney," he said, "I've just looked over those figures of yours,
+your bid for moving my new house.  The price is ridiculous."
+
+Simeon attempted a pleasantry.  "Yes," he answered, "I thought
+'twas ridic'lous myself; but I needed the money, so I thought I
+could afford to be funny."
+
+The Williams frown deepened.
+
+"I didn't mean ridiculously low," he snapped; "I meant ridiculously
+high.  I'd rather help out you town fellows if I can, but you can't
+work me for a good thing.  I've written to Colt and Adams, of
+Boston, and accepted their offer.  You had your chance and didn't
+see fit to take it.  That's all.  I'm sorry."
+
+Simeon was angry; also a trifle skeptical.
+
+"Mr. Williams," he demanded, "do you mean to tell me that THEM
+people have agreed to move you cheaper'n I can?"
+
+"Their price--their actual price may be no lower; but considering
+their up-to-date outfit and--er--progressive methods, they're
+cheaper.  Yes.  Morning, Phinney."
+
+He turned on his heel and walked off.  Mr. Phinney, crestfallen and
+angrier than ever, moved on to where the depot master stood waiting
+for him.  Captain Sol smiled grimly.
+
+"You don't look merry as a Christmas tree, Sim," he observed.
+"What did his Majesty have to say to you?"
+
+Simeon related the talk with Williams.  The depot master's grim
+smile grew broader.
+
+"Sim," he asked, with quiet sarcasm, "don't you realize that
+progressive methods are necessary in movin' a house?"
+
+Phinney tried to smile in return, but the attempt was a failure.
+
+"Yes," went on the Captain.  "Well, if you can't take the Grand
+Panjandrum home, you can set on the fence and see him go by.  That
+ought to be honor enough, hadn't it?  However, I may need some of
+your ridiculous figgers on a movin' job of my own, pretty soon.
+Don't be TOO comical, will you?"
+
+"What do you mean by that, Sol Berry?"
+
+"I mean that I may decide to move my own house."
+
+"Move your OWN house?  Where to, for mercy sakes?"
+
+"To that lot on Main Street that belongs to Abner Payne.  Abner has
+wanted to buy my lot here on the Shore Road for a long time.  He
+knows it'll make a fine site for some rich bigbug's summer
+'cottage.'  He would have bought the house, too, but I think too
+much of that to sell it.  Now Abner's come back with another offer.
+He'll swap my lot for the Main Street one, pay my movin' expenses
+and a fair 'boot' besides.  He don't really care for my HOUSE, you
+understand; it's my LAND he's after."
+
+"Are you goin' to take it up?"
+
+"I don't know.  The Main Street lot's a good one, and my house'll
+look good on it.  And I'll make money by the deal."
+
+"Yes, but you've always swore by that saltwater view of yours.
+Told me yourself you never wanted to live anywheres else."
+
+Captain Sol took the cigar from his lips, looked at it, then threw
+it violently into the gutter.
+
+"What difference does it make where I live?" he snarled.  "Who in
+blazes cares where I live or whether I live at all?"
+
+"Sol Berry, what on airth--"
+
+"Shut up!  Let me alone, Sim!  I ain't fit company for anybody just
+now.  Clear out, there's a good feller."
+
+The next moment he was striding down the hill.  Mr. Phinney drew a
+long breath, scratched his head and shook it solemnly.  WHAT did it
+all mean?
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+THE OBLIGATIONS OF A GENTLEMAN
+
+
+The methods of Messrs. Colt and Adams, the Boston firm of building
+movers, were certainly progressive, if promptness in getting to
+work is any criterion.  Two days after the acceptance of their
+terms by Mr. Williams, a freight car full of apparatus arrived at
+East Harniss.  Then came a foreman and a gang of laborers.  Horses
+were hired, and within a week the "pure Colonial" was off its
+foundations and on its way to the Edwards lot.  The moving was no
+light task.  The big house must be brought along the Shore Road to
+the junction with the Hill Boulevard, then swung into that
+aristocratic highway and carried up the long slope, around the wide
+curve, to its destination.
+
+Mr. Phinney, though he hated the whole operation, those having it
+in charge, and the mighty Williams especially, could not resist
+stealing down to see how his successful rivals were progressing
+with the work he had hoped to do.  It caused him much chagrin to
+see that they were getting on so very well.  One morning, after
+breakfast, as he stood at the corner of the Boulevard and the Shore
+Road, he found himself engaged in a mental calculation.
+
+Three days more and they would swing into the Boulevard; four or
+five days after that and they would be abreast the Edwards lot.
+Another day and . . . Poor Olive!  She would be homeless.  Where
+would she go?  It was too early for a reply from the Omaha cousin,
+but Simeon, having questioned the minister, had little hope that
+that reply would be favorable.  Still it was a chance, and if the
+money SHOULD come before the "pure Colonial" reached the Edwards
+lot, then the widow would at least not be driven penniless from her
+home.  She would have to leave that home in any event, but she
+could carry out her project of opening another shop in one of the
+neighboring towns.  Otherwise . . . Mr. Phinney swore aloud.
+
+"Humph!" said a voice behind him.  "I agree with you, though I
+don't know what it's all about.  I ain't heard anything better put
+for a long while."
+
+Simeon spun around, as he said afterwards, "like a young one's
+pinwheel."  At his elbow stood Captain Berry, the depot master,
+hands in pockets, cigar in mouth, the personification of calmness
+and imperturbability.  He had come out of his house, which stood
+close to the corner, and walked over to join his friend.
+
+"Land of love!" exclaimed Simeon.  "Why don't you scare a fellow to
+death, tiptoein' around?  I never see such a cat-foot critter!"
+
+Captain Sol smiled.  "Jumpin' it, ain't they?" he said, nodding
+toward the "Colonial."  "Be there by the tenth, won't it?"
+
+"Tenth!" Mr. Phinney sniffed disgust.  "It'll be there by the
+sixth, or I miss my guess."
+
+"Yup.  Say, Sim, how soon could you land that shanty of mine in the
+road if I give you the job to move it?"
+
+"I couldn't get it up to the Main Street lot inside of a
+fortnight," replied Sim, after a moment's reflection.  "Fur's
+gettin' it in the road goes, I could have it here day after to-
+morrow if I had gang enough."
+
+The depot master took the cigar out of his mouth and blew a ring of
+smoke.  "All right," he drawled, "get gang enough."
+
+Phinney jumped.  "You mean you've decided to take up with Payne's
+offer and swap your lot for his?" he gasped.  "Why, only two or
+three days ago you said--"
+
+"Ya-as.  That was two or three days ago, and I've been watchin' the
+'Colonial' since.  I cal'late the movin' habit's catchin'.  You
+have your gang here by noon to-day."
+
+"Sol Berry, are you crazy?  You ain't seen Abner Payne; he's out of
+town--"
+
+"Don't have to see him.  He's made me an offer and I'll write and
+accept it."
+
+"But you've got to have a selectmen's permit to move--"
+
+"Got it.  I went up and saw the chairman an hour ago.  He's a
+friend of mine.  I nominated him town-meetin' day."
+
+"But," stammered Phinney, very much upset by the suddenness of it
+all, "you ain't got my price nor--"
+
+"Drat your price!  Give it when I ask it.  See here, Sim, are you
+goin' to have my house in the middle of the road by day after to-
+morrer?  Or was that just talk?"
+
+"'Twa'n't talk.  I can have it there, but--"
+
+"All right," said Captain Sol coolly, "then have it."
+
+Hands in pockets, he strolled away.  Simeon sat down on a rock by
+the roadside and whistled.
+
+However, whistling was a luxurious and time-wasting method of
+expressing amazement, and Mr. Phinney could not afford luxuries
+just then.  For the rest of that day he was a busy man.  As Bailey
+Stitt expressed it, he "flew round like a sand flea in a mitten,"
+hiring laborers, engaging masons, and getting his materials ready.
+That very afternoon the masons began tearing down the chimneys of
+the little Berry house.  Before the close of the following day it
+was on the rollers.  By two of the day after that it was in the
+middle of the Shore Road, just when its mover had declared it
+should be.  They were moving it, furniture and all, and Captain Sol
+was, as he said, going to "stay right aboard all the voyage."  No
+cooking could be done, of course, but the Captain arranged to eat
+at Mrs. Higgins's hospitable table during the transit.  His sudden
+freak was furnishing material for gossip throughout the village,
+but he did not care.  Gossip concerning his actions was the last
+thing in the world to trouble Captain Sol Berry.
+
+The Williams's "Colonial" was moving toward the corner at a rapid
+rate, and the foreman of the Boston moving firm walked over to see
+Mr. Phinney.
+
+"Say," he observed to Simeon, who, the perspiration streaming down
+his face, was resting for a moment before recommencing his labor of
+arranging rollers; "say," observed the foreman, "we'll be ready to
+turn into the Boulevard by tomorrer night and you're blockin' the
+way."
+
+"That's all right," said Simeon, "we'll be past the Boulevard
+corner by that time."
+
+He thought he was speaking the truth, but next morning, before work
+began, Captain Berry appeared.  He had had breakfast and strolled
+around to the scene of operations.
+
+"Well," asked Phinney, "how'd it seem to sleep on wheels?"
+
+"Tiptop," replied the depot master.  "Like it fust rate.  S'pose my
+next berth will be somewheres up there, won't it?"
+
+He was pointing around the corner instead of straight ahead.
+Simeon gaped, his mouth open.
+
+"Up THERE?" he cried.  "Why, of course not.  That's the Boulevard.
+We're goin' along the Shore Road."
+
+"That so?  I guess not.  We're goin' by the Boulevard.  Can go that
+way, can't we?"
+
+"Can?" repeated Simeon aghast.  "Course we CAN!  But it's like
+boxin' the whole compass backward to get ha'f a p'int east of
+no'th.  It's way round Robin Hood's barn.  It'll take twice as long
+and cost--"
+
+"That's good," interrupted the Captain.  "I like to travel, and I'm
+willin' to pay for it.  Think of the view I'll get on the way."
+
+"But your permit from the selectmen--" began Phinney.  Berry held
+up his hand.
+
+"My permit never said nothin' about the course to take," he
+answered, his eye twinkling just a little.  "There, Sim, you're
+wastin' time.  I move by the Hill Boulevard."
+
+And into the Boulevard swung the Berry house.  The Colt and Adams
+foreman was an angry man when he saw the beams laid in that
+direction.  He rushed over and asked profane and pointed questions.
+
+"Thought you said you was goin' straight ahead?" he demanded.
+
+"Thought I was," replied Simeon, "but, you see, I'm only navigator
+of this craft, not owner."
+
+"Where is the blankety blank?" asked the foreman.
+
+"If you're referrin' to Cap'n Berry, I cal'late you'll find him at
+the depot," answered Phinney.  To the depot went the foreman.
+Receiving little satisfaction there, he hurried to the home of his
+employer, Mr. Williams.  The magnate, red-faced and angry, returned
+with him to the station.  Captain Sol received them blandly.  Issy,
+who heard the interview which followed, declared that the depot
+master was so cool that "an iceberg was a bonfire 'longside of
+him."  Issy's description of this interview, given to a dozen
+townspeople within the next three hours, was as follows:
+
+"Mr. Williams," said the wide-eyed Issy, "he comes postin' into the
+waitin' room, his foreman with him.  Williams marches over to Cap'n
+Sol and he says, 'Berry,' he says, 'are you responsible for the way
+that house of yours is moved?'
+
+"Cap'n Sol bowed and smiled.  'Yes,' says he, sweet as a fresh
+scallop.
+
+"'You're movin' it to Main Street, aren't you?  I so understood.'
+
+"'You understood correct.  That's where she's bound.'
+
+"'Then what do you mean by turning out of your road and into mine?'
+
+"'Oh, I don't own any road.  Have you bought the Boulevard?  The
+selectmen ought to have told us that.  I s'posed it was town
+thoroughfare.'
+
+"Mr. Williams colored up a little.  'I didn't mean my road in that
+sense,' he says.  'But the direct way to Main Street is along the
+shore, and everybody knows it.  Now why do you turn from that into
+the Boulevard?'
+
+"Cap'n Sol took a cigar from his pocket.  'Have one?' says he,
+passin' it toward Mr. Williams.  'No?  Too soon after breakfast, I
+s'pose.  Why do I turn off?' he goes on.  'Well, I'll tell you.
+I'm goin' to stay right aboard my shack while it's movin', and it's
+so much pleasanter a ride up the hill that I thought I'd go that
+way.  I always envied them who could afford a house on the
+Boulevard, and now I've got the chance to have one there--for a
+spell.  I'm sartin I shall enjoy it.'
+
+"The foreman growled, disgusted.  Mr. Williams got redder yet.
+
+"'Don't you understand?' he snorts.  'You're blockin' the way of
+the house I'M movin'.  I have capable men with adequate apparatus
+to move it, and they would be able to go twice as fast as your one-
+horse country outfit.  You're blockin' the road.  Now they must
+follow you.  It's an outrage!'
+
+"Cap'n Sol smiled once more.  'Too bad,' says he.  'It's a pity
+such a nice street ain't wider.  If it was my street in my town--I
+b'lieve that's what you call East Harniss, ain't it?--seems to me
+I'd widen it.'
+
+"The boss of 'my town' ground his heel into the sand.  'Berry,' he
+snaps, 'are you goin' to move that house over the Boulevard ahead
+of mine?'
+
+"The Cap'n looked him square in the eye.  'Williams,' says he, 'I
+am.'
+
+"The millionaire turned short and started to go.
+
+"'You'll pay for it,' he snarls, his temper gettin' free at last.
+
+"'I cal'late to,' purrs the Cap'n.  'I gen'rally do pay for what I
+want, and a fair price, at that.  I never bought in cheap mortgages
+and held 'em for clubs over poor folks, never in my life.  Good
+mornin'.'
+
+"And right to Mr. Williams's own face, too," concluded Issy.  "WHAT
+do you think of that?"
+
+Here was defiance of authority and dignity, a sensation which
+should have racked East Harniss from end to end.  But most of the
+men in the village, the tradespeople particularly, had another
+matter on their minds, namely, Major Cuthbertson Scott Hardee, of
+"Silverleaf Hall."  The Major and his debts were causing serious
+worriment.
+
+The creditors of the Major met, according to agreement, on the
+Monday evening following their previous gathering at the club.
+Obed Gott, one of the first to arrive, greeted his fellow members
+with an air of gloomy triumph and a sort of condescending pity.
+
+Higgins, the "general store" keeper, acting as self-appointed
+chairman, asked if anyone had anything to report.  For himself, he
+had seen the Major and asked point-blank for payment of his bill.
+The Major had been very polite and was apparently much concerned
+that his fellow townsmen should have been inconvenienced by any
+neglect of his.  He would write to his attorneys at once, so he
+said.
+
+"He said a whole lot more, too," added Higgins.  "Said he had never
+been better served than by the folks in this town, and that I kept
+a fine store, and so on and so forth.  But I haven't got any money
+yet.  Anybody else had any better luck?"
+
+No one had, although several had had similar interviews with the
+master of "Silverleaf Hall."
+
+"Obed looks as if he knew somethin'," remarked Weeks.  "What is it,
+Obed?"
+
+Mr. Gott scornfully waved his hand.
+
+"You fellers make me laugh," he said.  "You talk and talk, but you
+don't do nothin'.  I b'lieve in doin', myself.  When I went home
+t'other night, thinks I: 'There's one man that might know somethin'
+'bout old Hardee, and that's Godfrey, the hotel man.'  So I wrote
+to Godfrey up to Boston and I got a letter from him.  Here 'tis."
+
+He read the letter aloud.  Mr. Godfrey wrote that he knew nothing
+about Major Hardee further than that he had been able to get
+nothing from him in payment for his board.
+
+"So I seized his trunk," the letter concluded.  "There was nothing
+in it worth mentioning, but I took it on principle.  The Major told
+me a lot about writing to his attorneys for money, but I didn't pay
+much attention to that.  I'm afraid he's an old fraud, but I can't
+help liking him, and if I had kept on running my hotel I guess he
+would have got away scot-free."
+
+"There!" exclaimed the triumphant Obed, with a sneer, "I guess that
+settles it, don't it?  Maybe you'd be willin' to turn your bills
+over to Squire Baker now."
+
+But they were not willing.  Higgins argued, and justly, that
+although the Major was in all probability a fraud, not even a
+lawyer could get water out of a stone, and that when a man had
+nothing, suing him was a waste of time and cash.
+
+"Besides," he said, "there's just a chance that he may have
+attorneys and property somewheres else.  Let's write him a letter
+and every one of us sign it, tellin' him that we'll call on him
+Tuesday night expectin' to be paid in full.  If we call and don't
+get any satisfaction, why, we ain't any worse off, and then we can--
+well, run him out of town, if nothin' more."
+
+So the letter was written and signed by every man there.  It was a
+long list of signatures and an alarming total of indebtedness.  The
+letter was posted that night.
+
+The days that followed seemed long to Obed.  He was ill-natured at
+home and ugly at the shop, and Polena declared that he was "gettin'
+so a body couldn't live with him."  Her own spirits were remarkably
+high, and Obed noticed that, as the days went by, she seemed to be
+unusually excited.  On Thursday she announced that she was going to
+Orham to visit her niece, one Sarah Emma Cahoon, and wouldn't be
+back right off.  He knew better than to object, and so she went.
+
+That evening each of the signers of the letter to Major Hardee
+received a courteous note saying that the Major would be pleased to
+receive the gentlemen at the Hall.  Nothing was said about payment.
+
+So, after some discussion, the creditors marched in procession
+across the fields and up to "Silverleaf Hall."
+
+"Hardee's been to Orham to-day," whispered the keeper of the livery
+stable, as they entered the yard.  "He drove over this mornin' and
+come back to-night."
+
+"DROVE over!" exclaimed Obed, halting in his tracks.  "He did?
+Where'd he get the team?  I'll bet five dollars you was soft enough
+to let him have it, and never said a word.  Well, if you ain't--
+By jimmy! you wait till I get at him!  I'll show you that he can't
+soft soap me."
+
+Augustus met them at the door and ushered them into the old-
+fashioned parlor.  The Major, calm, cool, and imperturbably polite,
+was waiting to receive them.  He made some observation concerning
+the weather.
+
+"The day's fine enough," interrupted Obed, pushing to the front,
+"but that ain't what we come here to talk about.  Are you goin' to
+pay us what you owe?  That's what we want to know."
+
+The "gentleman of the old school" did not answer immediately.
+Instead he turned to the solemn servant at his elbow.
+
+"Augustus," he said, "you may make ready."  Then, looking serenely
+at the irate Mr. Gott, whose clenched fist rested under the center
+table, which he had thumped to emphasize his demands, the Major
+asked:
+
+"I beg your pardon, my dear sir, but what is the total of my
+indebtedness to you?"
+
+"Nineteen dollars and twenty-eight cents, and I want you to
+understand that--"
+
+Major Hardee held up a slim, white hand.
+
+"One moment, if you please," he said.  "Now, Augustus."
+
+Augustus opened the desk in the corner and produced an imposing
+stack of bank notes.  Then he brought forth neat piles of halves,
+quarters, dimes, and pennies, and arranged the whole upon the
+table.  Obed's mouth and those of his companions gaped in
+amazement.
+
+"Have you your bill with you, Mr. Gott?" inquired the Major.
+
+Dazedly Mr. Gott produced the required document.
+
+"Thank you.  Augustus, nineteen twenty-eight to this gentleman.
+Kindly receipt the bill, Mr. Gott, if you please.  A mere
+formality, of course, but it is well to be exact.  Thank you, sir.
+And now, Mr. Higgins."
+
+One by one the creditors shamefacedly stepped forward, received the
+amount due, receipted the bill, and stepped back again.  Mr.
+Peters, the photographer, was the last to sign.
+
+"Gentlemen," said the Major, "I am sorry that my carelessness in
+financial matters should have caused you this trouble, but now that
+you are here, a representative gathering of East Harniss's men of
+affairs, upon this night of all nights, it seems fitting that I
+should ask for your congratulations.  Augustus."
+
+The wooden-faced Augustus retired to the next room and reappeared
+carrying a tray upon which were a decanter and glasses.
+
+"Gentlemen," continued the Major, "I have often testified to my
+admiration and regard for your--perhaps I may now say OUR--charming
+village.  This admiration and regard has extended to the fair
+daughters of the township.  It may be that some of you have
+conscientious scruples against the use of intoxicants.  These
+scruples I respect, but I am sure that none of you will refuse to
+at least taste a glass of wine with me when I tell you that I have
+this day taken one of the fairest to love and cherish during life."
+
+He stepped to the door of the dining room, opened it, and said
+quietly, "My dear, will you honor us with your presence?"
+
+There was a rustle of black silk and there came through the doorway
+the stately form of her who had been Mrs. Polena Ginn.
+
+"Gentlemen," said the Major, "permit me to present to you my wife,
+the new mistress of 'Silverleaf Hall.'"
+
+The faces of the ex-creditors were pictures of astonishment.  Mr.
+Gott's expressive countenance turned white, then red, and then
+settled to a mottled shade, almost as if he had the measles.
+Polena rushed to his side.
+
+"O Obed!" she exclaimed.  "I know we'd ought to have told you, but
+'twas only Tuesday the Major asked me, and we thought we'd keep it
+a secret so's to s'prise you.  Mr. Langworthy over to Orham married
+us, and--"
+
+"My dear," her husband blandly interrupted, "we will not intrude
+our private affairs upon the patience of these good friends.  And
+now, gentlemen, let me propose a toast: To the health and happiness
+of the mistress of 'Silverleaf Hall'!  Brother Obed, I--"
+
+The outside door closed with a slam; "Brother Obed" had fled.
+
+A little later, when the rest of the former creditors of the Major
+came out into the moonlight, they found their companion standing by
+the gate gazing stonily into vacancy.  "Hen" Leadbetter, who, with
+Higgins, brought up the rear of the procession, said reflectively:
+
+"When he fust fetched out that stack of money I couldn't scarcely
+b'lieve my eyes.  I begun to think that we fellers had put our foot
+in it for sartin, and had lost a mighty good customer; but, of
+course, it's all plain enough NOW."
+
+"Yes," remarked Weeks with a nod; "I allers heard that P'lena kept
+a mighty good balance in the bank."
+
+"It looks to me," said Higgins slyly, "as if we owed Obed here a
+vote of thanks.  How 'bout that, Obed?"
+
+And then Major Hardee's new brother-in-law awoke with a jump.
+
+"Aw, you go to grass!" he snarled, and tramped savagely off down
+the hill.
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+THE WIDOW BASSETT
+
+
+These developments, Major Hardee's marriage and Mr. Gott's
+discomfiture, overshadowed, for the time, local interest in the
+depot master's house moving.  This was, in its way, rather
+fortunate, for those who took the trouble to walk down to the lower
+end of the Boulevard were astonished to see how very slowly the
+moving was progressing.
+
+"Only one horse, Sim?" asked Captain Hiram Baker.  "Only one!  Why,
+it'll take you forever to get through, won't it?"
+
+"I'm afraid it'll take quite a spell," admitted Mr. Phinney.
+
+"Where's your other one, the white one?"
+
+"The white horse," said Simeon slowly, "ain't feelin' just right
+and I've had to lay him off."
+
+"Humph! that's too bad.  How does Sol act about it?  He's such a
+hustler, I should think--"
+
+"Sol," interrupted Sim, "ain't unreasonable.  He understands."
+
+He chuckled inwardly as he said it.  Captain Sol did understand.
+Also Mr. Phinney himself was beginning to understand a little.
+
+The very day on which Williams and his foreman had called on the
+depot master and been dismissed so unceremoniously, that official
+paid a short visit to his mover.
+
+"Sim," he said, the twinkle still in his eye, "his Majesty,
+Williams the Conqueror, was in to see me just now and acted real
+peevish.  He was pretty disrespectful to you, too.  Called your
+outfit 'one horse.'  That's a mistake, because you've got two
+horses at work right now.  It seems a shame to make a great man
+like that lie.  Hadn't you better lay off one of them horses?"
+
+"Lay one OFF?" exclaimed Simeon.  "What for?  Why, we'll be slow
+enough, as 'tis.  With only one horse we wouldn't get through for I
+don't know how long."
+
+"That's so," murmured the Captain.  "I s'pose with one horse you'd
+hardly reach the middle of the Boulevard by--well, before the tenth
+of the month.  Hey?"
+
+The tenth of the month!  The TENTH!  Why, it was on the tenth that
+that Omaha cousin of Olive Edwards was to--Mr. Phinney began to
+see--to see and to grin, slow but expansive.
+
+"Hm-m-m!" he mused.
+
+"Yes," observed Captain Sol.  "That white horse of yours looks sort
+of ailin' to me, Sim.  I think he needs a rest."
+
+And, sure enough, next day the white horse was pronounced unfit and
+taken back to the stable.  The depot master's dwelling moved, but
+that is all one could say truthfully concerning its progress.
+
+At the depot the Captain was quieter than usual.  He joked with his
+assistant less than had been his custom, and for the omission Issy
+was duly grateful.  Sometimes Captain Sol would sit for minutes
+without speaking.  He seemed to be thinking and to be pondering
+some grave problem.  When his friends, Mr. Wingate, Captain Stitt,
+Hiram Baker, and the rest, dropped in on him he cheered up and was
+as conversational as ever.  After they had gone he relapsed into
+his former quiet mood.
+
+"He acts sort of blue, to me," declared Issy, speaking from the
+depths of sensational-novel knowledge.  "If he was a younger man
+I'd say he was most likely in love.  Ah, hum!  I s'pose bein' in
+love does get a feller mournful, don't it?"
+
+Issy made this declaration to his mother only.  He knew better than
+to mention sentiment to male acquaintances.  The latter were
+altogether too likely to ask embarrassing questions.
+
+Mr. Wingate and Captain Stitt were still in town, although their
+stay was drawing to a close.  One afternoon they entered the
+station together.  Captain Sol seemed glad to see them.
+
+"Set down, fellers," he ordered.  "I swan I'm glad to see you.  I
+ain't fit company for myself these days."
+
+"Ain't Betsy Higgins feedin' you up to the mark?" asked Stitt.  "Or
+is house movin' gettin' on your vitals?"
+
+"No," growled the depot master, "grub's all right and so's movin',
+I cal'late.  I'm glad you fellers come in.  What's the news to
+Orham, Barzilla?  How's the Old Home House boarders standin' it?
+Hear from Jonadab regular, do you?"
+
+Mr. Wingate laughed.  "Nothin' much," he said.  "Jonadab's too busy
+to write these days.  Bein' a sport interferes with letter writing
+consider'ble."
+
+"Sport!" exclaimed Captain Bailey.  "Land of Goshen!  Cap'n Jonadab
+is the last one I'd call a sport."
+
+"That's 'cause you ain't a good judge of human nature, Bailey,"
+chuckled Barzilla.  "When ancient plants like Jonadab Wixon DO
+bloom, they're gay old blossoms, I tell you!"
+
+"What do you mean?" asked the depot master.
+
+"I mean that Jonadab's been givin' me heart disease, that's what;
+givin' it to me in a good many diff'rent ways, too.  We opened the
+Old Home House the middle of April this year, because Peter T.
+Brown thought we might catch some spring trade.  We did catch a
+little, though whether it paid to open up so early's a question.
+But 'twas June 'fore Jonadab got his disease so awful bad.
+However, most any time in the last part of May the reg'lar
+programme of the male boarders was stirrin' him up.
+
+"Take it of a dull day, for instance.  Sky overcast and the wind
+aidgin' round to the sou'east, so's you couldn't tell whether
+'twould rain or fair off; too cold to go off to the ledge cod
+fishin' and too hot for billiards or bowlin'; a bunch of the
+younger women folks at one end of the piazza playin' bridge; half a
+dozen men, includin' me and Cap'n Jonadab, smokin' and tryin' to
+keep awake at t'other end; amidships a gang of females--all 'fresh
+air fiends'--and mainly widows or discards in the matrimony deal,
+doin' fancywork and gossip.  That would be about the usual layout.
+
+"Conversation got to you in homeopath doses, somethin' like this:
+
+"'Did you say "Spades"?  WELL! if I'd known you were going to make
+us lose our deal like that, I'd never have bridged it--not with
+THIS hand.'
+
+"'Oh, Miss Gabble, have you heard what people are sayin' about--'
+The rest of it whispers.
+
+"'A--oo--OW!  By George, Bill! this is dead enough, isn't it?
+Shall we match for the cigars or are you too lazy?'
+
+"Then, from away off in the stillness would come a drawn-out 'Honk!
+honk!' like a wild goose with the asthma, and pretty soon up the
+road would come sailin' a big red automobile, loaded to the guards
+with goggles and grandeur, and whiz past the hotel in a hurricane
+of dust and smell.  Then all hands would set up and look
+interested, and Bill would wink acrost at his chum and drawl:
+
+"'That's the way to get over the country!  Why, a horse isn't one--
+two--three with that!  Cap'n Wixon, I'm surprised that a sportin'
+man like you hasn't bought one of those things long afore this.'
+
+"For the next twenty minutes there wouldn't be any dullness.
+Jonadab would take care of that.  He'd have the floor and be givin'
+his opinions of autos and them that owned and run 'em.  And between
+the drops of his language shower you'd see them boarders nudgin'
+each other and rockin' back and forth contented and joyful.
+
+"It always worked.  No matter what time of day or night, all you
+had to say was 'auto' and Cap'n Jonadab would sail up out of his
+chair like one of them hot-air balloons the youngsters nowadays
+have on Fourth of July.  And he wouldn't come down till he was
+empty of remarks, nuther.  You never see a man get so red faced and
+eloquent.
+
+"It wa'n't because he couldn't afford one himself.  I know that's
+the usual reason for them kind of ascensions, but 'twa'n't his.
+No, sir! the summer hotel business has put a considerable number of
+dollars in Jonadab's hands, and the said hands are like a patent
+rat trap, a mighty sight easier to get into than out of.  He could
+have bought three automobiles if he'd wanted to, but he didn't want
+to.  And the reason he didn't was named Tobias Loveland and lived
+over to Orham."
+
+"I know Tobias," interrupted Captain Bailey Stitt.
+
+"Course you do," continued Barzilla.  "So does Sol, I guess.  Well,
+anyhow, Tobias and Cap'n Jonadab never did hitch.  When they was
+boys together at school they was always rowin' and fightin', and
+when they grew up to be thirty and courted the same girl--ten years
+younger than either of 'em, she was--twa'n't much better.  Neither
+of 'em got her, as a matter of fact; she married a tin peddler
+named Bassett over to Hyannis.  But both cal'lated they would have
+won if t'other hadn't been in the race, and consequently they loved
+each other with a love that passed understandin'.  Tobias had got
+well to do in the cranberry-raisin' line and drove a fast horse.
+Jonadab, durin' the last prosperous year or two, had bought what he
+thought was some horse, likewise.  They met on the road one day
+last spring and trotted alongside one another for a mile.  At the
+end of that mile Jonadab's craft's jib boom was just astern of
+Tobias's rudder.  Inside of that week the Cap'n had swapped his
+horse for one with a two-thirty record, and the next time they met
+Tobias was left with a beautiful, but dusty, view of Jonadab's back
+hair.  So HE bought a new horse.  And that was the beginnin'.
+
+"It went along that way for twelve months.  Fust one feller's nag
+would come home freighted with perspiration and glory, and then
+t'other's.  One week Jonadab would be so bloated with horse pride
+that he couldn't find room for his vittles, and the next he'd be
+out in the stable growlin' 'cause it cost so much for hay to stuff
+an old hide rack that wa'n't fit to put in a museum.  At last it
+got so that neither one could find a better horse on the Cape, and
+the two they had was practically an even match.  I begun to have
+hopes that the foolishness was over.  And then the tin peddler's
+widow drifts in to upset the whole calabash.
+
+"She made port at Orham fust, this Henrietta Bassett did, and the
+style she slung killed every female Goliath in the Orham sewin'
+circle dead.  Seems her husband that was had been an inventor, as a
+sort of side line to peddlin' tinware, and all to once he invented
+somethin' that worked.  He made money--nobody knew how much, though
+all hands had a guess--and pretty soon afterwards he made a will
+and Henrietta a widow.  She'd been livin' in New York, so she said,
+and had come back to revisit the scenes of her childhood.  She was
+a mighty well-preserved woman--artificial preservatives, I
+cal'late, like some kinds of tomatter ketchup--and her comin'
+stirred Orham way down to the burnt places on the bottom of the
+kettle."
+
+"I guess I remember HER, too," put in Captain Bailey.
+
+"Say!" queried Mr. Wingate snappishly, "do you want to tell about
+her?  If you do, why--"
+
+"Belay, both of you!" ordered the depot master.  "Heave ahead,
+Barzilla."
+
+"The news of her got over to Wellmouth, and me and Jonadab heard of
+it.  He was some subject to widows--most widower men are, I guess--
+but he didn't develop no alarmin' symptoms in this case and never
+even hinted that he'd like to see his old girl.  Fact is, his
+newest horse trade had showed that it was afraid of automobiles,
+and he was beginnin' to get rabid along that line.  Then come that
+afternoon when him and me was out drivin' together, and we--  Well,
+I'll have to tell you about that.
+
+"We was over on the long stretch of wood road between Trumet and
+Denboro, nice hard macadam, the mare--her name was Celia, but
+Jonadab had re-christened her Bay Queen after a boat he used to
+own--skimmin' along at a smooth, easy gait, when, lo and behold
+you! we rounds a turn and there ahead of us is a light, rubber-
+tired wagon with a man and woman on the seat of it.  I heard
+Jonadab give a kind of snort.
+
+"'What's the matter?' says I.
+
+"'Nothin',' says he, between his teeth.  'Only, if I ain't some
+mistaken, that's Tobe Loveland's rig.  Wonder if he's got his spunk
+with him?  The Queen's feelin' her oats to-day, and I cal'late I
+can show him a few things.'
+
+"'Rubbish!' says I, disgusted.  'Don't be foolish, Jonadab.  I
+don't know nothin' about his spunk, but I do know there's a woman
+with him.  'Tain't likely he'll want to race you when he's got a
+passenger aboard.'
+
+"'Oh, I don't know!' says he.  'I've got you, Barzilla; so 'twill
+be two and two.  Let's heave alongside and see.'
+
+"So he clucked to the Queen, and in a jiffy we was astern of
+t'other rig.  Loveland looked back over his shoulder.
+
+"'Ugh!' he grunts, 'bout as cordial as a plate of ice cream.  ''Lo,
+Wixon, that you?'
+
+"'Um-hm,' begins Jonadab.  'How's that crowbait of yours to-day,
+Tobe?  Got any go in him?  'Cause if he has, I--'
+
+"He stopped short.  The woman in Loveland's carriage had turned her
+head and was starin' hard.
+
+"'Why!' she gasps.  'I do believe--  Why, Jonadab!'
+
+"'HETTIE!' says the Cap'n.
+
+"Well, after that 'twas pull up, of course, and shake hands and
+talk.  The widow, she done most of the talkin'.  She was SO glad to
+see him.  How had he been all these years?  She knew him instantly.
+He hadn't changed a mite--that is, not so VERY much.  She was
+plannin' to come over to the Old Home House and stay a spell later
+on; but now she was havin' SUCH a good time in Orham, Tobias--Mr.
+Loveland--was makin' it SO pleasant for her.  She did enjoy drivin'
+so much, and Mr. Loveland had the fastest horse in the county--did
+we know that?
+
+"Tobias and Jonadab glowered back and forth while all this gush was
+bein' turned loose, and hardly spoke to one another.  But when
+'twas over and we was ready to start again, the Cap'n says, says
+he:
+
+"'I'll be mighty glad to see you over to the hotel, when you're
+ready to come, Hettie.  I can take you ridin', too.  Fur's horse
+goes, I've got a pretty good one myself.'
+
+"'Oh!' squeals the widow.  'Really?  Is that him?  It's awful
+pretty, and he looks fast.'
+
+"'She is,' says Jonadab.  'There's nothin' round here can beat
+her.'
+
+"'Humph!' says Loveland.  'Git dap!'
+
+"'Git dap!' says Jonadab, agreein' with him for once.
+
+"Tobias started, and we started.  Tobias makes his horse go a
+little faster, and Jonadab speeded up some likewise.  I see how
+'twas goin' to be, and therefore I wa'n't surprised to death when
+the next ten minutes found us sizzlin' down that road, neck and
+neck with Loveland, dust flyin', hoofs poundin', and the two
+drivers leanin' way for'ard over the dash, reins gripped and teeth
+sot.  For a little ways 'twas an even thing, and then we commenced
+to pull ahead a little.
+
+"'Loveland,' yells Jonadab, out of the port corner of his mouth,
+'if I ain't showin' you my tailboard by the time we pass the fust
+house in Denboro, I'll eat my Sunday hat.'
+
+"I cal'late he would 'a' beat, too.  We was drawin' ahead all the
+time and had a three-quarter length lead when we swung clear of the
+woods and sighted Denboro village, quarter of a mile away.  And up
+the road comes flyin' a big auto, goin' to beat the cars.
+
+"Let's forget the next few minutes; they wa'n't pleasant ones for
+me.  Soon's the Bay Queen sot eyes on that auto, she stopped
+trottin' and commenced to hop; from hoppin' she changed to waltzin'
+and high jumpin'.  When the smoke had cleared, the auto was out of
+sight and we was in the bushes alongside the road, with the Queen
+just gettin' ready to climb a tree.  As for Tobias and Henrietta,
+they was roundin' the turn by the fust house in Denboro, wavin' by-
+bys to us over the back of the seat.
+
+"We went home then; and every foot of the way Cap'n Jonadab called
+an automobile a new kind of name, and none complimentary.  The
+boarders, they got wind of what had happened and begun to rag him,
+and the more they ragged, the madder he got and the more down on
+autos.
+
+"And, to put a head on the whole business, I'm blessed if Tobias
+Loveland didn't get in with an automobile agent who was stoppin' in
+Orham and buy a fifteen-hundred-dollar machine off him.  And the
+very next time Jonadab was out with the Queen on the Denboro road,
+Tobias and the widow whizzed past him in that car so fast he might
+as well have been hove to.  And, by way of rubbin' it in, they come
+along back pretty soon and rolled alongside of him easy, while
+Henrietta gushed about Mr. Loveland's beautiful car and how nice it
+was to be able to go just as swift as you wanted to.  Jonadab
+couldn't answer back, nuther, bein' too busy keepin' the Queen from
+turnin' herself into a flyin' machine.
+
+"'Twas then that he got himself swore in special constable to
+arrest auto drivers for overspeedin'; and for days he wandered
+round layin' for a chance to haul up Tobias and get him fined.
+He'd have had plenty of game if he'd been satisfied with strangers,
+but he didn't want them anyhow, and, besides, most of 'em was on
+their way to spend money at the Old Home House.  'Twould have been
+poor business to let any of THAT cash go for fines, and he realized
+it.
+
+"'Twas in early June, only a few weeks ago, that the widow come to
+our hotel.  I never thought she meant it when she said she was
+comin', and so I didn't expect her.  Fact is, I was expectin' to
+hear that she and Tobe Loveland was married or engaged.  But there
+was a slip up somewheres, for all to once the depot wagon brings
+her to the Old Home House, she hires a room, and settles down to
+stay till the season closed, which would be in about a fortn't.
+
+"From the very fust she played her cards for Jonadab.  He meant to
+be middlin' average frosty to her, I imagine--her bein' so thick
+with Tobias prejudiced him, I presume likely.  But land sakes! she
+thawed him out like hot toddy thaws out some folks' tongues.  She
+never took no notice of his coldness, but smiled and gushed and
+flattered, and looked her prettiest--which was more'n average,
+considerin' her age--and by the end of the third day he was hangin'
+round her like a cat round a cook.
+
+"It commenced to look serious to me.  Jonadab was a pretty old fish
+to be caught with soft soap and a set of false crimps; but you
+can't never tell.  When them old kind do bite, they gen'rally
+swallow hook and sinker, and he sartinly did act hungry.  I wished
+more'n once that Peter T. Brown, our business manager, was aboard
+to help me with advice, but Peter is off tourin' the Yosemite with
+his wife and her relations, so whatever pilotin' there was I had to
+do.  And every day fetched Jonadab's bows nigher the matrimonial
+rocks.
+
+"I'd about made up my mind to sound the fog horn by askin' him
+straight out what he was cal'latin' to do; but somethin' I heard
+one evenin', as I set alone in the hotel office, made me think I'd
+better wait a spell.
+
+"The office window was open and the curtain drawed down tight.  I
+was settin' inside, smokin' and goin' over the situation, when
+footsteps sounded on the piazza and a couple come to anchor on the
+settee right by that window.  Cap'n Jonadab and Henrietta!  I
+sensed that immediate.
+
+"She was laughin' and actin' kind of queer, and he was talkin'
+mighty earnest.
+
+"'Oh, no, Cap'n!  Oh, no!' she giggles.  'You mustn't be so serious
+on such a beautiful night as this.  Let's talk about the moon.'
+
+"'Drat the moon!' says Jonadab.  'Hettie, I--'
+
+"'Oh, just see how beautiful the water looks!  All shiny and--"
+
+"'Drat the water, too!  Hettie, what's the reason you don't want to
+talk serious with me?  If that Tobe Loveland--'
+
+"'Really, I don't see why you bring Mr. Loveland's name into the
+conversation.  He is a perfect gentleman, generous and kind; and as
+for the way in which he runs that lovely car of his--'
+
+"The Cap'n interrupted her.  He ripped out somethin' emphatic.
+
+"'Generous!' he snarls.  ''Bout as generous as a hog in the feed
+trough, he is.  And as for runnin' that pesky auto, if I'd demean
+myself to own one of them things, I'll bet my other suit I could
+run it better'n he does.  If I couldn't, I'd tie myself to the
+anchor and jump overboard.'
+
+"The way she answered showed pretty plain that she didn't believe
+him.  'Really?' she says.  'Do you think so?  Good night, Jonadab.'
+
+"I could hear her walkin' off acrost the piazza.  He went after
+her.  'Hettie,' he says, 'you answer me one thing.  Are you engaged
+to Tobe Loveland?'
+
+"She laughed again, sort of teasin' and slow.  'Really,' says she,
+'you are--  Why, no, I'm not.'
+
+"That was all, but it set me to thinkin' hard.  She wa'n't engaged
+to Loveland; she said so, herself.  And yet, if she wanted Jonadab,
+she was actin' mighty funny.  I ain't had no experience, but it
+seemed to me that then was the time to bag him and she'd put him
+off on purpose.  She was ages too ancient to be a flirt for the fun
+of it.  What was her game?"
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+CAPTAIN JONADAB GOES
+
+
+Mr. Wingate stopped and roared a greeting to Captain Hiram Baker,
+who was passing the open door of the waiting room.
+
+"Hello, there, Hime!" he shouted.  "Come up in here!  What, are you
+too proud to speak to common folks?"
+
+Captain Hiram entered.  "Hello!" he said.  "You look like a busy
+gang, for sure.  What you doin'--seatin' chairs?"
+
+"Just now we're automobilin'," observed Captain Sol.  "Set down,
+Hiram."
+
+"Automobilin'?" repeated the new arrival, evidently puzzled.
+
+"Sartin.  Barzilla's takin' us out.  Go on, Barzilla."
+
+Mr. Wingate smiled broadly.  "Well," he began, "we HAVE just about
+reached the part where I went autoin'.  The widow and me and
+Jonadab."
+
+"Jonadab!" shouted Stitt.  "I thought you said--"
+
+"I know what I said.  But we went auto ridin' just the same.
+
+"'Twas Henry G. Bradbury that took us out, him and his bran-new big
+tourin' car.  You see, he landed to board with us the next day
+after Henrietta come--this Henry G. did--and he was so quiet and
+easy spoken and run his car so slow that even a pizen auto hater
+like Jonadab couldn't take much offense at him.  He wa'n't very
+well, he said, subject to some kind of heart attacks, and had come
+to the Old Home for rest.
+
+"Him and the Cap'n had great arguments about the sins of
+automobilin'.  Jonadab was sot on the idee that nine folks out of
+ten hadn't machine sense enough to run a car.  Bradbury, he
+declared that that was a fact with the majority of autos, but not
+with his.  'Why, a child could run it,' says he.  'Look here,
+Cap'n: To start it you just do this.  To stop it you do so and so.
+To make her go slow you haul back on this lever.  To make her go
+faster you shove down this one.  And as for steerin'--well, a man
+that's handled the wheels of as many catboats as you have would
+simply have a picnic.  I'm in entire sympathy with your feelin's
+against speeders and such--I'd be a constable if I was in your
+shoes--but this is a gentleman's car and runs like one.'
+
+"All Jonadab said was 'Bosh!' and 'Humph!' but he couldn't help
+actin' interested, particular as Mrs. Bassett kept him alongside of
+the machine and was so turrible interested herself.  And when, this
+partic'lar afternoon, Henry G. invites us all to go out with him
+for a little 'roll around,' the widow was so tickled and insisted
+so that he just HAD to go; he didn't dast say no.
+
+"Somehow or 'nother--I ain't just sure yet how it happened--the
+seatin' arrangements was made like this: Jonadab and Bradbury on
+the front seat, and me and Henrietta in the stuffed cockpit astern.
+We rolled out and purred along the road, smooth as a cat trottin'
+to dinner.  No speedin', no joltin', no nothin'.  'TWAS a
+'gentleman's car'; there wa'n't no doubt about that.
+
+"We went 'way over to Bayport and Orham and beyond.  And all the
+time Bradbury kept p'intin' out the diff'rent levers to Jonadab and
+tellin' him how to work 'em.  Finally, after we'd headed back, he
+asked Jonadab to take the wheel and steer her a spell.  Said his
+heart was feelin' sort of mean and 'twould do him good to rest.
+
+"Jonadab said no, emphatic and more'n average ugly, but Henry G.
+kept beggin' and pleadin', and pretty soon the widow put in her
+oar.  He must do it, to please her.  He had SAID he could do it--
+had told her so--and now he must make good.  Why, when Mr.
+Loveland--
+
+"'All right,' snarls Jonadab.  'I'll try.  But if ever--'
+
+"'Hold on!' says I.  'Here's where I get out.'
+
+"However, they wouldn't let me, and the Cap'n took the wheel.  His
+jaw was set and his hands shakin', but he done it.  Hettie had give
+her orders and she was skipper.
+
+"For a consider'ble spell we just crawled.  Jonadab was steerin'
+less crooked every minute and it tickled him; you could see that.
+
+"'Answers her hellum tiptop, don't she?' he says.
+
+"'Bet your life!' says Bradbury.  'Better put on a little more
+speed, hadn't we?'
+
+He put it on himself, afore the new pilot could stop him, and we
+commenced to move.
+
+"'When you want to make her jump,' he says, you press down on that
+with your foot, and you shove the spark back.'
+
+"'Shut up!' howls Jonadab.  'Belay!  Don't you dast to touch that.
+I'm scart to death as 'tis.  Here! you take this wheel.'
+
+"But he wouldn't, and we went on at a good clip.  For a green hand
+the Cap'n was leavin' a pretty straight wake.
+
+"'Gosh!' he says, after a spell; 'I b'lieve I'm kind of gettin' the
+hang of the craft.'
+
+"'Course you are,' says Bradbury.  'I told--  Oh!'
+
+"He straightens up, grabs at his vest, and slumps down against the
+back of the seat.
+
+"'What IS it?' screams the widow.  'Oh, what IS it, Mr. Bradbury?'
+
+"He answers, plucky, but toler'ble faintlike.  My heart!' he gasps.
+'I--I'm afraid I'm goin' to have one of my attacks.  I must get to
+a doctor quick.'
+
+"'Doctor!' I sings out.  'Great land of love! there ain't a doctor
+nigher than Denboro, and that's four mile astern.'
+
+"'Never mind,' cries the Bassett woman.  'We must go there, then.
+Turn around, Jonadab!  Turn around at once!  Mr. Bradbury--'
+
+"But poor Henry G. was curled up against the cushions and we
+couldn't get nothin' out of him but groans.  And all the time we
+was sailin' along up the road.
+
+"'Turn around, Jonadab!' orders Henrietta.  'Turn around and go for
+the doctor!'
+
+"Jonadab's hands was clutched on that wheel, and his face was white
+as his rubber collar.
+
+"'Jerushy!' he groans desperate, 'I--I don't know HOW to turn
+around.'
+
+"'Then stop, you foolhead!' I bellers.  'Stop where you be!'
+
+"And he moans--almost cryin' he was: 'I--I've forgotten how to
+STOP.'
+
+"Talk about your situations!  If we wa'n't in one then I miss my
+guess.  Every minute we was sinkin' Denboro below the horizon.
+
+"'We MUST get to a doctor,' says the widow.  'Where is there
+another one, Mr. Wingate?'
+
+"'The next one's in Bayport,' says I, 'and that's ten mile ahead if
+it's a foot.'
+
+"However, there wa'n't nothin' else for it, so toward Bayport we
+put.  Bradbury groaned once in a while, and Mrs. Bassett got
+nervous.
+
+"'We'll never get there at this rate,' says she.  'Go faster,
+Jonadab.  Faster!  Press down on--on that thing he told you to.
+Please! for MY sake.'
+
+"'Don't you--' I begun; but 'twas too late.  He pressed, and away
+we went.  We was eatin' up the road now, I tell you, and though I
+was expectin' every minute to be my next, I couldn't help admirin'
+the way the Cap'n steered.  And, as for him, he was gettin' more
+and more set up and confident.
+
+"'She handles like a yacht, Barzilla,' he grunts, between his
+teeth.  'See me put her around the next buoy ahead there.  Hey!
+how's that?'
+
+"The next 'buoy' was a curve in the road, and we went around it
+beautiful.  So with the next and the next and the next.  Bayport
+wa'n't so very fur ahead.  All to once another dreadful thought
+struck me.
+
+"'Look here!' I yells.  'How in time are we goin' to stop when we--
+OW!'
+
+"The Bassett woman had pinched my arm somethin' savage.  I looked
+at her, and she was scowlin' and shakin' her head.
+
+"'S-sh-sh!' she whispers.  'Don't disturb him.  He'll be frightened
+and--'
+
+"'Frightened!  Good heavens to Betsy!  I cal'late he won't be the
+only one that's fri--'
+
+"But she looked so ugly that I shut up prompt, though I done a heap
+of thinkin'.  On we went and, as we turned the next 'buoy,' there,
+ahead of us, was another auto, somethin' like ours, with only one
+person in it, a man, and goin' in the same direction we was, though
+not quite so fast.
+
+"Then I WAS scart.  'Hi, Jonadab!' I sings out.  'Heave to!  Come
+about!  Shorten sail!  Do you want to run him down?  Look OUT!'
+
+"I might as well have saved my breath.  Heavin' to and the rest of
+it wa'n't included in our pilot's education.  On we went, same as
+ever.  I don't know what might have happened if the widow hadn't
+kept her head.  She leaned over the for'ard rail of the after
+cockpit and squeezed a rubber bag that was close to Jonadab's
+starboard arm.  It was j'ined to the fog whistle, I cal'late,
+'cause from under our bows sounded a beller like a bull afoul of a
+barb-wire fence.
+
+"The feller in t'other car turned his head and looked.  Then he
+commenced to sheer off to wind'ard so's to let us pass.  But all
+the time he kept lookin' back and starin' and, as we got nigher,
+and I could see him plainer through the dust, he looked more and
+more familiar.  'Twas somebody I knew.
+
+"Then I heard a little grunt, or gasp, from Cap'n Jonadab.  He was
+leanin' for'ard over the wheel, starin' at the man in the other
+auto.  The nigher we got, the harder he stared; and the man in
+front was actin' similar in regards to him.  And, all to once, the
+head car stopped swingin' off to wind'ard, turned back toward the
+middle of the road, and begun to go like smoke.  The next instant I
+felt our machine fairly jump beneath me.  I looked at Jonadab's
+foot.  'Twas pressed hard down on the speed lever.
+
+"'You crazy loon!' I screeched.  'You--you--you--  Stop it!  Take
+your foot off that!  Do you want to--!'
+
+"I was climbin' over the back of the front seat, my knee pretty
+nigh on Bradbury's head.  But, would you believe it, that Jonadab
+man let go of the wheel with one hand--let GO of it, mind you--and
+give me a shove that sent me backward in Henrietta Bassett's lap.
+
+"'Barzilla!' he growled, between his teeth, 'you set where you be
+and keep off the quarterdeck.  I'm runnin' this craft.  I'll beat
+that Loveland this time or run him under, one or t'other!'
+
+"As sure as I'm alive this minute, the man in the front car was
+Tobias Loveland!
+
+"And from then on--  Don't talk!  I dream about it nights and wake
+up with my arms around the bedpost.  I ain't real sure, but I kind
+of have an idee that the bedpost business comes from the fact that
+I was huggin' the widow some of the time.  If I did, 'twa'n't
+knowin'ly, and she never mentioned it afterwards.  All I can swear
+to is clouds of dust, and horns honkin', and telegraph poles
+lookin' like teeth in a comb, and Jonadab's face set as the Day of
+Judgment.
+
+"He kept his foot down on the speed place as if 'twas glued.  He
+shoved the 'spark'--whatever that is--'way back.  Every once in a
+while he yelled, yelled at the top of his lungs.  What he yelled
+hadn't no sense to it.  Sometimes you'd think that he was drivin' a
+horse and next that he was handlin' a schooner in a gale.
+
+"'Git dap!' he'd whoop.  'Go it, you cripples!  Keep her nose right
+in the teeth of it!  She's got the best of the water, so let her
+bile!  Whe-E-E!'
+
+"We didn't stop at Bayport.  Our skipper had made other
+arrangements.  However, the way I figgered it, we was long past
+needin' a doctor, and you can get an undertaker 'most anywhere.  We
+went through the village like a couple of shootin' stars, Tobias
+about a length ahead, his hat blowed off, his hair--what little
+he's got--streamin' out behind, and that blessed red buzz wagon of
+his fairly skimmin' the hummocks and jumpin' the smooth places.
+And right astern of him comes Jonadab, hangin' to the wheel, HIS
+hat gone, his mouth open, and fillin' the dust with yells and
+coughs.
+
+"You could see folks runnin' to doors and front gates; but you
+never saw 'em reach where they was goin'--time they done that we
+was somewheres round the next bend.  A pullet run over us once--
+yes, I mean just that.  She clawed the top of the widow's bunnit as
+we slid underneath her, and by the time she lit we was so fur away
+she wa'n't visible to the naked eye.  Bradbury--who'd got better
+remarkable sudden--was pawin' at Jonadab's arm, tryin' to make him
+ease up; but he might as well have pawed the wind.  As for
+Henrietta Bassett, she was acrost the back of the front seat
+tootin' the horn for all she was wuth.  And curled down in a heap
+on the cockpit floor was a fleshy, sea-farin' person by the name of
+Barzilla Wingate, sufferin' from chills and fever.
+
+"I think 'twas on the long stretch of the Trumet road that we beat
+Tobias.  I know we passed somethin' then, though just what I ain't
+competent to testify.  All I'm sure of is that, t'other side of
+Bayport village, the landscape got some less streaked and you could
+most gen'rally separate one house from the next.
+
+"Bradbury looked at Henrietta and smiled, a sort of sickly smile.
+She was pretty pale, but she managed to smile back.  I got up off
+the floor and slumped on the cushions.  As for Cap'n Jonadab Wixon,
+he'd stopped yellin', but his face was one broad, serene grin.  His
+mouth, through the dust and the dirt caked around it, looked like a
+rain gully in a sand-bank.  And, occasional, he crowed, hoarse but
+vainglorious.
+
+"'Did you see me?' he barked.  'Did you notice me lick him?  He'll
+laugh at me, will he?--him and his one-horse tin cart!  Ho! HO!
+Why, you'd think he was settin' down to rest!  I've got him where I
+want him now!  Ho, ho!  Say, Henrietta, did you go swift as you--?
+Land sakes!  Mr. Bradbury, I forgot all about you.  And I--I guess
+we must have got a good ways past the doctor's place.'
+
+"Bradbury said never mind.  He felt much better, and he cal'lated
+he'd do till we fetched the Old Home dock.  He'd take the wheel,
+now, he guessed.
+
+"But, would you b'lieve it, that fool Jonadab wouldn't let him!  He
+was used to the ship now, he said, and, if 'twas all the same to
+Henry G. and Hettie, he'd kind of like to run her into port.
+
+"'She answers her hellum fine,' he says.  'After a little practice
+I cal'late I could steer--'
+
+"'Steer!' sings out Bradbury.  'STEER!  Great Caesar's ghost!  I
+give you my word, Cap'n Wixon, I never saw such handlin' of a
+machine as you did goin' through Bayport, in my life.  You're a
+wonder!'
+
+"'Um-hm,' says Jonadab contented.  'I've steered a good many
+vessels in my time, through traffic and amongst the shoals, and
+never run afoul of nothin' yet.  I don't see much diff'rence on
+shore--'cept that it's a little easier.'
+
+"EASIER!  Wouldn't that--  Well, what's the use of talkin'?
+
+"We got to the Old Home House safe and sound; Jonadab, actin' under
+Bradbury's orders, run her into the yard, slowin' up and stoppin'
+at the front steps slick as grease.  He got out, his chest swelled
+up like a puffin' pig, and went struttin' in to tell everybody what
+he'd done to Loveland.  I don't know where Bradbury and the widow
+went.  As for me, I went aloft and turned in.  And 'twas two days
+and nights afore I got up again.  I had a cold, anyway, and what
+I'd been through didn't help it none.
+
+"The afternoon of the second day, Bradbury come up to see me.  He
+was dressed in his city clothes and looked as if he was goin' away.
+Sure enough, he was; goin' on the next train.
+
+"'Where's Jonadab?' says I.
+
+"'Oh, he's out in his car,' he says.  'Huntin' for Loveland again,
+maybe.'
+
+"'HIS car?  You mean yours.'
+
+"'No, I mean his.  I sold my car to him yesterday mornin' for
+twenty-five hundred dollars cash.'
+
+"I set up in bed.  'Go 'long!' I sings out.  'You didn't nuther!'
+
+"'Yes, I did.  Sure thing.  After that ride, you couldn't have
+separated him from that machine with blastin' powder.  He paid over
+the money like a little man.'
+
+"I laid down again.  Jonadab Wixon payin' twenty-five hundred
+dollars for a plaything!  Not promisin', but actually PAYIN' it!
+
+"'Has--has the widow gone with him?' I asked, soon's I could get my
+breath.
+
+"He laughed sort of queer.  'No,' he says, 'she's gone out of town
+for a few days.  Ha, ha!  Well, between you and me, Wingate, I
+doubt if she comes back again.  She and I have made all we're
+likely to in this neighborhood, and she's too good a business woman
+to waste her time.  Good-by; glad to have met you.'
+
+"But I smelt rat strong and wouldn't let him go without seein' the
+critter.
+
+"'Hold on!' I says.  'There's somethin' underneath all this.  Out
+with it.  I won't let on to the Cap'n if you don't want me to.'
+
+"'Well,' says he, laughin' again, 'Mrs. Bassett WON'T come back and
+I know it.  She and I have sold four cars on the Cape in the last
+five weeks, and the profits'll more'n pay vacation expenses.  Two
+up in Wareham, one over in Orham, to Loveland--'
+
+"'Did YOU sell Tobias his?' I asks, settin' up again.
+
+"'Hettie and I did--yes.  Soon's we landed him, we come over to bag
+old Wixon.  I thought one time he'd kill us before we got him, but
+he didn't.  How he did run that thing!  He's a game sport.'
+
+"'See here!' says I.  'YOU and Hettie sold--  What do you mean by
+that?'
+
+"'Mrs. Bassett is my backer in the auto business,' says he.  'She
+put in her money and I furnished the experience.  We've got a big
+plant up in--' namin' a city in Connecticut.
+
+"I fetched a long breath.  'WELL!' says I.  'And all this makin'
+eyes at Tobe and Jonadab was just--just--'
+
+"'Just bait, that's all,' says he.  'I told you she was a good
+business woman.'
+
+"I let this sink in good.  Then says I, 'Humph! I swan to man!  And
+how's your heart actin' now?'
+
+"'Fine!' he says, winkin'.  'I had that attack so's the Cap'n would
+learn to run on his own hook.  I didn't expect quite so much of a
+run, but I'm satisfied.  Don't you worry about my heart disease.
+That twenty-five hundred cured it.  'Twas all in the way of
+business,' says Henry G. Bradbury."
+
+"Whew!" whistled Captain Hiram as Barzilla reached into his pocket
+for pipe and tobacco.  "Whew!  I should say your partner had a
+narrer escape.  Want to look out sharp for widders.  They're
+dangerous, hey, Sol?"
+
+The depot master did not answer.  Captain Hiram asked another
+question.  "How'd Jonadab take Hettie's leavin'?" he inquired.
+
+"Oh," said Barzilla, "I don't think he minded so much.  He was too
+crazy about his new auto to care for anything else.  Then, too, he
+was b'ilin' mad 'cause Loveland swore out a warrant against him for
+speedin'.
+
+"'Nice trick, ain't it?' he says.  'I knew Tobe was a poor loser,
+but I didn't think he'd be so low down as all that.  Says I was
+goin' fifty mile an hour.  He! he!  Well, I WAS movin', that's a
+fact.  I don't care.  'Twas wuth the twenty-dollar fine.'
+
+"'Maybe so,' I says, 'but 'twon't look very pretty to have a
+special auto constable hauled up and fined for breakin' the law
+he's s'posed to protect.'
+
+"He hadn't thought of that.  His face clouded over.
+
+"'No use, Barzilla,' says he; 'I'll have to give it up.'
+
+"'Guess you will,' says I.  'Automobilin' is--'
+
+"'I don't mean automobilin',' he snorts disgusted.  'Course not!  I
+mean bein' constable.'
+
+"So there you are!  From cussin' automobiles he's got so that he
+can't talk enough good about 'em.  And every day sence then he's
+out on the road layin' for another chance at Tobias.  I hope he
+gets that chance pretty soon, because--well, there's a rumor goin'
+round that Loveland is plannin' to swap his car for a bigger and
+faster one.  If he does . . ."
+
+"If he does," interrupted Captain Sol, "I hope you'll fix the next
+race for over here.  I'd like to see you go by, Barzilla."
+
+"Guess you'd have to look quick to see him," laughed Stitt.
+"Speakin' about automobiles--"
+
+"By gum!" ejaculated Wingate, "you'd have to look somewheres else
+to find ME.  I've got all the auto racin' I want!"
+
+"Speakin' of automobiles," began Captain Bailey again.  No one paid
+the slightest attention.
+
+"How's Dusenberry, your baby, Hiram?" asked the depot master,
+turning to Captain Baker.  "His birthday's the Fourth, and that's
+only a couple of days off."
+
+The proud parent grinned, then looked troubled.
+
+"Why, he ain't real fust-rate," he said.  "Seems to be some under
+the weather.  Got a cold and kind of sore throat.  Dr. Parker says
+he cal'lates it's a touch of tonsilitis.  There's consider'ble
+fever, too.  I was hopin' the doctor'd come again to-day, but he's
+gone away on a fishin' cruise.  Won't be home till late to-morrer.
+I s'pose me and Sophrony hadn't ought to worry.  Dr. Parker seems
+to know about the case."
+
+"Humph!" grunted the depot master, "there's only two bein's in
+creation that know it all.  One's the Almighty and t'other's young
+Parker.  He's right out of medical school and is just as fresh as
+his diploma.  He hadn't any business to go fishin' and leave his
+patients.  We lost a good man when old Dr. Ryder died.  He . . .
+Oh, well! you mustn't worry, Hiram.  Dusenberry'll pull out in time
+for his birthday.  Goin' to celebrate, was you?"
+
+Captain Baker nodded.  "Um-hm," he said.  "Sophrony's goin' to bake
+a frosted cake and stick three candles on it--he's three year old,
+you know--and I've made him a 'twuly boat with sails,' that's what
+he's been beggin' for.  Ho! ho! he's the cutest little shaver!"
+
+"Speakin' of automobiles," began Bailey Stitt for the third time.
+
+"That youngster of yours, Hiram," went on the depot master, "is the
+right kind.  Compared with some of the summer young ones that
+strike this depot, he's a saint."
+
+Captain Hiram grinned.  "That's what I tell Sophrony," he said.
+"Sometimes when Dusenberry gets to cuttin' up and she is sort of
+provoked, I say to her, 'Old lady,' I say, 'if you think THAT'S a
+naughty boy, you ought to have seen Archibald.'"
+
+"Who was Archibald?" asked Barzilla.
+
+"He was a young rip that Sim Phinney and I run across four years
+ago when we went on our New York cruise together.  The weir
+business had been pretty good and Sim had been teasin' me to go on
+a vacation with him, so I went.  Sim ain't stopped talkin' about
+our experiences yet.  Ho! ho!"
+
+"You bet he ain't!" laughed the depot master.  "One mix-up you had
+with a priest, and a love story, and land knows what.  He talks
+about that to this day."
+
+"What was it?  He never told me," said Wingate.
+
+"Why, it begun at the Golconda House, the hotel where Sim and I was
+stayin'.  We--"
+
+"Did YOU put up at the Golconda?" interrupted Barzilla.  "Why,
+Cap'n Jonadab and me stayed there when we went to New York."
+
+"I know you did.  Jonadab recommended it to Sim, and Sim took the
+recommendation.  That Golconda House is the only grudge I've got
+against Jonadab Wixon.  It sartin is a tough old tavern."
+
+"I give in to that.  Jonadab's so sot on it account of havin'
+stopped there on his honeymoon, years and years ago.  He's too
+stubborn to own it's bad.  It's a matter of principle with him, and
+he's sot on principle."
+
+"Yes," continued Baker.  "Well, Sim and me had been at that
+Golconda three days and nights.  Mornin' of the fourth day we
+walked out of the dinin' room after breakfast, feelin' pretty
+average chipper.  Gettin' safe past another meal at that hotel was
+enough of itself to make a chap grateful.
+
+"We walked out of the dinin' room and into the office.  And there,
+by the clerk's desk, was a big, tall man, dressed up in clothes
+that was loud enough to speak for themselves, and with a shiny new
+tall hat, set with a list to port, on his head.  He was smooth-
+faced and pug-nosed, with an upper lip like a camel's.
+
+"He didn't pay much attention to us, nor to anybody else, for the
+matter of that.  He was as mournful as a hearse, for all his joyful
+togs.
+
+"'Fine day, ain't it?' says Sim, social.
+
+"The tall chap looked up at him from under the deck of the beaver
+hat.
+
+"'Huh!' he growls out, and looks down again.
+
+"'I say it's a fine day,' said Phinney again.
+
+"'I was after hearin' yez say it,' says the man, and walks off,
+scowlin' like a meat ax.  We looked after him.
+
+"'Who was that murderer?' asks Sim of the clerk.  'And when are
+they going to hang him?'
+
+"'S-sh-sh!' whispers the clerk, scart.  ''Tis the boss.  The bloke
+what runs the hotel.  He's a fine man, but he has troubles.  He's
+blue.'
+
+"'So that's the boss, hey?' says I.  'And he's blue.  Well, he
+looks it.  What's troublin' him?  Ain't business good?'
+
+"'Never better.  It ain't that.  He has things on his mind.  You
+see--'
+
+"I cal'late he'd have told us the yarn, only Sim wouldn't wait to
+hear it.  We was goin' sight-seein' and we had 'aquarium' and
+'Stock Exchange' on the list for that afternoon.  The hotel clerk
+had made out a kind of schedule for us of things we'd ought to see
+while we was in New York, and so fur we'd took in the zoological
+menagerie and the picture museum, and Central Park and Brooklyn
+Bridge.
+
+"On the way downtown in the elevated railroad Sim done some
+preachin'.  His text was took from the Golconda House sign, which
+had 'T. Dempsey, Proprietor,' painted on it.
+
+"'It's that Dempsey man's conscience that makes him so blue,
+Hiram,' says Sim.  'It's the way he makes his money.  He sells
+liquor.'
+
+"'Oh!' says I.  'Is THAT it?  I thought maybe he'd been sleepin' on
+one of his own hotel beds.  THEY'RE enough to make any man blue--
+black and blue.'
+
+"The 'aquarium' wa'n't a success.  Phinney was disgusted.  He give
+one look around, grabbed me by the arm, and marched me out of that
+building same as Deacon Titcomb, of the Holiness Church at Denboro,
+marched his boy out of the Universalist sociable.
+
+"'It's nothin' but a whole passel of fish,' he snorts.  'The idea
+of sendin' two Cape Codders a couple of miles to look at FISH.
+I've looked at 'em and fished for 'em, and et 'em all the days of
+my life,' he says, 'and when I'm on a vacation I want a change.
+I'd forgot that "aquarium" meant fish, or you wouldn't have got me
+within smellin' distance of it.  Necessity's one thing and
+pleasure's another, as the boy said about takin' his ma's spring
+bitters.'
+
+"So we headed for the Stock Exchange.  We got our gallery tickets
+at the bank where the Golconda folks kept money, and in a little
+while we was leanin' over a kind of marble bulwarks and starin'
+down at a gang of men smokin' and foolin' and carryin' on.  'Twas a
+dull day, so we found out afterward, and I guess likely that was
+true.  Anyway, I never see such grown-up men act so much like
+children.  There was a lot of poles stuck up around with signs on
+'em, and around every pole was a circle of bedlamites hollerin'
+like loons.  Hollerin' was the nighest to work of anything I see
+them fellers do, unless 'twas tearin' up papers and shovin' the
+pieces down somebody's neck or throwin' 'em in the air like a play-
+actin' snowstorm.
+
+"'What's the matter with 'em?' says I.  'High finance taken away
+their brains?'
+
+"But Phinney was awful interested.  He dumped some money in a mine
+once.  The mine caved in on it, I guess, for not a red cent ever
+come to the top again, but he's been a kind of prophet concernin'
+finances ever sence.
+
+"'I want to see the big fellers,' says he.  'S'pose that fat one is
+Morgan?'
+
+"'I don't know,' says I.  'Me and Pierpont ain't met for ever so
+long.  Don't lean over and point so; you're makin' a hit.'
+
+"He was, too.  Some of the younger crew on the floor was lookin' up
+and grinnin', and more kept stoppin' and joinin' in all the time.
+I cal'late we looked kind of green and soft, hangin' over that
+marble rail, like posies on a tombstone; and green is the favorite
+color to a stockbroker, they tell me.  Anyhow, we had a good-sized
+congregation under us in less than no time.  Likewise, they got
+chatty, and commenced to unload remarks.
+
+"'Land sakes!' says one.  'How's punkins?'
+
+"'How's crops down your way?' says another.
+
+"Now there wa'n't nothin' real bright and funny about these
+questions--more fresh than new, they struck me--but you'd think
+they was gems from the comic almanac, jedgin' by the haw-haws.
+Next minute a little bald-headed smart Alec, with clothes that had
+a tailor's sign hull down and out of the race, steps to the front
+and commences to make a speech.
+
+"'Gosh t'mighty, gents,' says he.  'With your kind permission, I'll
+sing "When Reuben Comes to Town."
+
+"And he did sing it, too, in a voice that needed cultivatin'
+worse'n a sandy front yard.  And with every verse the congregation
+whooped and laughed and cheered.  When the anthem was concluded,
+all hands set up a yell and looked at us to see how we took it.
+
+"As for me, I was b'ilin' mad and mortified and redhot all over.
+But Sim Phinney was as cool as an October evenin'.  Once in a while
+old Sim comes out right down brilliant, and he done it now.  He
+smiled, kind of tolerant and easy, same as you might at the tricks
+of a hand-organ monkey.  Then he claps his hands, applaudin' like,
+reaches into his pocket, brings up a couple of pennies, and tosses
+'em down to little baldhead, who was standin' there blown up with
+pride.
+
+"For a minute the crowd was still.  And THEN such a yell as went
+up!  The whole floor went wild.  Next thing I knew the gallery was
+filled with brokers, grabbin' us by the hands, poundin' us on the
+back, beggin' us to come have a drink, and generally goin' crazy.
+We was solid with the 'system' for once in our lives.  We could
+have had that whole buildin', from marble decks to gold maintruck,
+if we'd said the word.  Fifty yellin' lunatics was on hand to give
+it to us; the other two hundred was joyfully mutilatin' the
+baldhead.
+
+"Well, I wanted to get away, and so did Sim, I guess; but the crowd
+wouldn't let us.  We'd got to have a drink; hogsheads of drinks.
+That was the best joke on Eddie Lewisburg that ever was.  Come on!
+We MUST come on!  Whee!  Wow!
+
+"I don't know how it would have ended if some one hadn't butted
+head first through the mob and grabbed me by the shoulder.  I was
+ready to fight by this time, and maybe I'd have begun to fight if
+the chap who grabbed me hadn't been a few inches short of seven
+foot high.  And, besides that, I knew him.  'Twas Sam Holden, a
+young feller I knew when he boarded here one summer.  His wife
+boarded here, too, only she wa'n't his wife then.  Her name was
+Grace Hargrave and she was a fine girl.  Maybe you remember 'em,
+Sol?"
+
+The depot master nodded.
+
+"I remember 'em well," he said.  "Liked 'em both--everybody did."
+
+"Yes.  Well, he knew us and was glad to see us.
+
+"'It IS you!' he sings out.  'By George!  I thought it was when I
+came on the floor just now.  My! but I'm glad to see you.  And Mr.
+Phinney, too!  Bully!  Clear out and let 'em alone, you Indians.'
+
+"The crowd didn't want to let us alone, but Sam got us clear
+somehow, and out of the Exchange Buildin' and into the back room of
+a kind of restaurant.  Then he gets chairs for us, orders cigars,
+and shakes hands once more.
+
+"'To think of seein' you two in New York!' he says, wonderin'.
+'What are you doin' here?  When did you come?  Tell us about it.'
+
+"So we told him about our pleasure cruise, and what had happened to
+us so fur.  It seemed to tickle him 'most to death.
+
+"'Grace and I are keepin' house, in a modest way, uptown,' says
+Sam, 'and she'll be as glad to see you as I am.  You're comin' up
+to dinner with me to-night, and you're goin' to make us a visit,
+you know,' he says.
+
+"Well, if we didn't know it then, we learned it right away.
+Nothin' that me or Simeon could say would make him change the
+course a point.  So Phinney went up to the Golconda House and got
+our bags, and at half-past four that afternoon the three of us was
+in a hired hack bound uptown.
+
+"On the way Sam was full of fun as ever.  He laughed and joked, and
+asked questions about East Harniss till you couldn't rest.  All of
+a sudden he slaps his knee and sings out:
+
+"'There!  I knew I'd forgotten somethin'.  Our butler left
+yesterday, and I was to call at the intelligence office on my way
+home and see if they'd scared up a new one.'
+
+"I looked at Simeon, and he at me.
+
+"'Hum!' says I, thinkin' about that 'modest' housekeepin'.  'Do you
+keep a butler?'
+
+"'Not long,' says he, dry as a salt codfish.  And that's all we
+could get out of him.
+
+"I s'pose there's different kinds of modesty.  We hadn't more'n got
+inside the gold-plated front door of that house when I decided that
+the Holden brand of housekeepin' wa'n't bashful enough to blush.
+If I'D been runnin' that kind of a place, the only time I'd felt
+shy and retirin' was when the landlord came for the rent.
+
+"One of the fo'mast hands--hired girls, I mean--went aloft to fetch
+Mrs. Holden, and when Grace came down she was just as nice and
+folksy and glad to see us as a body could be.  But she looked sort
+of troubled, just the same.
+
+"'I'm ever so glad you're here,' says she to me and Simeon.  'But,
+oh, Sam! it's a shame the way things happen.  Cousin Harriet and
+Archie came this afternoon to stay until to-morrow.  They're on
+their way South.  And I have promised that you and I shall take
+Harriet to see Marlowe to-night.  Of course we won't do it now,
+under any consideration, but you know what she is.'
+
+"Sam seemed to know.  He muttered somethin' that sounded like a
+Scripture text.  Simeon spoke up prompt.
+
+"'Indeed you will,' says he, decided.  'Me and Hiram ain't that
+kind.  We've got relations of our own, and we know what it means
+when they come a-visitin'.  You and Mr. Holden'll take your comp'ny
+and go to see--whatever 'tis you want to see, and we'll make
+ourselves to home till you get back.  Yes, you will, or we clear
+out this minute.'
+
+"They didn't want to, but we was sot, and so they give in finally.
+It seemed that this Cousin Harriet was a widow relation of the
+Holdens, who lived in a swell country house over in Connecticut
+somewhere, and was rich as the rest of the tribe.  Archie was her
+son.  'Hers and the Evil One's,' Sam said.
+
+"We didn't realize how much truth there was in this last part until
+we run afoul of Archie and his ma at dinner time.  Cousin Harriet
+was tall and middlin' slim, thirty-five years old, maybe, at a sale
+for taxes, but discounted to twenty at her own valuation.  She was
+got up regardless, and had a kind of chronic, tired way of talkin',
+and a condescendin' look to her, as if she was on top of Bunker
+Hill monument, and all creation was on its knees down below.  She
+didn't warm up to Simeon and me much; eyed us over through a pair
+of gilt spyglasses, and admitted that she was 'charmed, I'm sure.'
+Likewise, she was afflicted with 'nerves,' which must be a divil of
+a disease--for everybody but the patient, especial.
+
+"Archie--his ma hailed him as 'Archibald, dear'--showed up pretty
+soon in tow of his 'maid,' a sweet-faced, tired-out Irish girl
+named Margaret.  'Archibald, dear,' was five years old or so,
+sufferin' from curls and the lack of a lickin'.  I never see a
+young one that needed a strap ile more.
+
+"'How d'ye do Archie?' says Simeon, holdin' out his hand.
+
+"Archie didn't take the hand.  Instead of that he points at Phinney
+and commences to laugh.
+
+"'Ho, ho!' says he, dancin' and pointin'.  'Look at the funny
+whiskers.'
+
+"Sim wa'n't expectin' that, and it set him all aback, like he'd run
+into a head squall.  He took hold of his beard and looked foolish.
+Sam and Grace looked ashamed and mad.  Cousin Harriet laughed one
+of her lazy laughs.
+
+"'Archibald, de-ar,' she drawls, 'you mustn't speak that way.  Now
+be nice, and play with Margaret durin' dinner, that's a good boy.'
+
+"'I won't,' remarks Archie, cheerful.  'I'm goin' to dine with you,
+mama.'
+
+"'Oh, no, you're not, dear.  You'll have your own little table,
+and--'
+
+"Then 'twas' Hi, yi!'  'Bow, wow!'  Archibald wa'n't hankerin' for
+little tables.  He was goin' to eat with us, that's what.  His ma,
+she argued with him and pleaded, and he yelled and stamped and
+hurrahed.  When Margaret tried to soothe him he went at her like a
+wild-cat, and kicked and pounded her sinful.  She tried to take him
+out of the room, and then Cousin Harriet come down on her like a
+scow load of brick.
+
+"'Haven't I told you,' says she, sharp and vinegary, 'not to oppose
+the child in that way?  Archibald has such a sensitive nature,' she
+says to Grace, 'that opposition arouses him just as it did me at
+his age.  Very well, dear; you MAY dine with us to-night, if you
+wish.  Oh, my poor nerves!  Margaret, why don't you place a chair
+for Master Archibald?  The creature is absolutely stupid at times,'
+she says, talkin' about that poor maid afore her face with no more
+thought for her feelin's than if she was a wooden image.  'She has
+no tact whatever.  I wouldn't have Archibald's spirit broken for
+anything.'
+
+"'Twas his neck that needed breakin' if you asked ME.  That was a
+joyful meal, now I tell you.
+
+"There was more joy when 'twas over.  Archie didn't want to go to
+bed, havin' desires to set up and torment Simeon with questions
+about his whiskers; askin' if they growed or was tied on, and
+things like that.  Course he didn't know his ma was goin' to the
+show, or he wouldn't have let her.  But finally he was coaxed
+upstairs by Margaret and a box of candy, and, word havin' been sent
+down that he was asleep, Sam got out his plug hat, and Grace and
+Cousin Harriet got on their fur-lined dolmans and knit clouds, and
+was ready for the hack.
+
+"'I feel mighty mean to go off and leave you this way,' says Sam to
+me and Simeon.  'But you make yourself at home, won't you?  This is
+your house to-night, you know; servants and all.'
+
+"'How about that boy's wakin' up?' says I.
+
+"'Oh, his maid'll attend to him.  If she needs any help you can
+give it to her,' he says, winkin' on the side.
+
+"But Cousin Harriet was right at his starboard beam, and she heard
+him.  She flew up like a settin' hen.
+
+"'Indeed they will NOT!' she sings out.  'If anyone but Margaret
+was to attempt to control Archibald, I don't dare think what might
+happen.  I shall not stir from this spot until these persons
+promise not to interfere in ANY way; Archibald, dear, is such a
+sensitive child.'
+
+"So we promised not to interfere, although Sim Phinney looked
+disappointed when he done it.  I could see that he'd had hopes
+afore he give that promise."
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+IN THE GREAT METROPOLIS
+
+
+"So they left you and Sim Phinney to keep house, did they, Hiram?"
+observed Wingate.
+
+"They did.  And, for a spell, we figgered on bein' free from too
+much style.
+
+"After they'd gone we loafed into the settin' room or libr'ry, or
+whatever you call it, and come to anchor in a couple of big lazy
+chairs.
+
+"'Now,' says I, takin' off my coat, 'we can be comf'table.'
+
+"But we couldn't.  In bobs a servant girl to know if we 'wanted
+anything.'  We didn't, but she looked so shocked when she see me in
+my shirt sleeves that I put the coat on again, feelin' as if I'd
+ought to blush.  And in a minute back she comes to find out if we
+was SURE we didn't want anything.  Sim was hitchin' in his chair.
+Between 'nerves' and Archibald, his temper was raw on the edges.
+
+"'Say,' he bursts out, 'you look kind of pale to me.  What you need
+is fresh air.  Why don't you go take a walk?'
+
+"The girl looked at him with her mouth open.
+
+"'Oh,' says she, 'I couldn't do that, thank you, sir.  That would
+leave no one but the cook and the kitchen girl.  And the master
+said you was to be made perfectly comf'table, and--'
+
+"'Yes,' says Sim, dry, 'I heard him say it.  And we can't be
+comf'table with you shut up in the house this nice evenin'.  Go and
+take a walk, and take the cook and stewardess with you.  Don't
+argue about it.  I'm skipper here till the boss gets back.  Go, the
+three of you, and go NOW.  D'ye hear?'
+
+"There was a little more talk, but not much.  In five minutes or so
+the downstairs front door banged, and there was gigglin' outside.
+
+"'There,' says Simeon, peelin' off HIS coat and throwin' himself
+back in one chair with his feet on another one.  'Now, by Judas,
+I'm goin' to be homey and happy like poor folks.  I don't wonder
+that Harriet woman's got nerves.  Darn style, anyhow!  Pass over
+that cigar box, Hiram.'
+
+
+"'Twas half an hour later or so when Margaret, the nursemaid, came
+downstairs.  I'd almost forgot her.  We was tame and toler'ble
+contented by that time.  Phinney called to her as she went by the
+door.
+
+"'Is that young one asleep?' he asked.
+
+"'Yes, sir,' says she, 'he is.  Is there anything I can do?  Did
+you want anything?'
+
+"Simeon looks at me.  'I swan to man, it's catchin'!' he says.
+'They've all got it.  No, we don't want anything, except--  What's
+the matter?  YOU don't need fresh air, do you?'
+
+"The girl looked as if she'd lost her last friend.  Her pretty face
+was pale and her eyes was wet, as if she'd been cryin'.
+
+"'No, sir,' says she, puzzled.  'No, sir, thank you, sir.'
+
+"'She's tired out, that's all,' says I.  I swan, I pitied the poor
+thing.  'You go somewheres and take a nap,' I told her.  'Me and my
+friend won't tell.'
+
+"Oh, no, she couldn't do that.  It wa'n't that she was tired--no
+more tired than usual--but she'd been that troubled in her mind
+lately, askin' our pardon, that she was near to crazy.
+
+"We was sorry for that, but it didn't seem to be none of our
+business, and she was turnin' away, when all at once she stops and
+turns back again.
+
+"'Might I ask you gintlemen a question?' she says, sort of
+pleadin'.  'Sure I mane no harm by it.  Do aither of you know a man
+be the name of Michael O'Shaughnessy?'
+
+"Me and Sim looked at each other.  'Which?' says I.  'Mike O' who?'
+says Simeon.
+
+"'Aw, don't you know him?' she begs.  'DON'T you know him?  Sure I
+hoped you might.  If you'd only tell me where he is I'd git on me
+knees and pray for you.  O Mike, Mike! why did you leave me like
+this?  What'll become of me?'
+
+"And she walks off down the hall, coverin' her face with her hands
+and cryin' as if her heart was broke.
+
+"'There! there!' says Simeon, runnin' after her, all shook up.
+He's a kind-hearted man--especially to nice-lookin' females.
+'Don't act so,' he says.  'Be a good girl.  Come right back into
+the settin' room and tell me all about it.  Me and Cap'n Baker
+ain't got nerves, and we ain't rich, neither.  You can talk to us.
+Come, come!'
+
+"She didn't know how to act, seemingly.  She was like a dog that's
+been kicked so often he's suspicious of a pat on the head.  And she
+was cryin' and sobbin' so, and askin' our pardon for doin' it, that
+it took a good while to get at the real yarn.  But we did get it,
+after a spell.
+
+"It seems that the girl--her whole name was Margaret Sullivan--had
+been in this country but a month or so, havin' come from Ireland in
+a steamboat to meet the feller who'd kept comp'ny with her over
+there.  His name was Michael O'Shaughnessy, and he'd been in
+America for four years or more, livin' with a cousin in Long Island
+City.  And he'd got a good job at last, and he sent for her to come
+on and be married to him.  And when she landed 'twas the cousin
+that met her.  Mike had drawn a five-thousand-dollar prize in the
+Mexican lottery a week afore, and hadn't been seen sence.
+
+"So poor Margaret goes to the cousin's to stay.  And she found them
+poor as Job's pet chicken, and havin' hardly grub enough aboard to
+feed the dozen or so little cousins, let alone free boarders like
+her.  And so, havin' no money, she goes out one day to an
+intelligence office where they deal in help, and puts in a blank
+askin' for a job as servant girl.  'Twas a swell place, where
+bigbugs done their tradin', and there she runs into Cousin Harriet,
+who was a chronic customer, always out of servants, owin' to the
+complications of Archibald and nerves.  And Harriet hires her,
+because she was pretty and would work for a shavin' more'n nothin',
+and carts her right off to Connecticut.  And when Margaret sets out
+to write for her trunk, and to tell where she is, she finds she's
+lost the cousin's address, and can't remember whether it's Umpty-
+eighth Street or Tin Can Avenue.
+
+"'And, oh,' says she, 'what SHALL I do?  The mistress is that hard
+to please, and the child is that wicked till I want to die.  And I
+have no money and no friends.  O Mike! Mike!' she says.  'If you
+only knew you'd come to me.  For it's a good heart he has, although
+the five thousand dollars carried away his head,' says she.
+
+"I don't believe I ever wanted to make a feller's acquaintance more
+than I done that O'Shaughnessy man's.  The mean blackguard, to
+leave his girl that way.  And 'twas easy to see what she'd been
+through with Cousin Harriet and that brat.  We tried to comfort her
+all we could; promised to have a hunt through Long Island and the
+directory, and to help get her another place when she got back from
+the South, and so on.  But 'twas kind of unsatisfactory.  'Twas her
+Mike she wanted.
+
+"'I told the Father about it at the church up there,' she says,
+'and he wrote, but the letters was lost, I guess.  And I thought if
+I might see a priest here in New York he might help me.  But the
+mistress is to go at noon to-morrer, and I'll have no time.  What
+SHALL I do?' says she, and commenced to cry again.
+
+"Then I had an idea.  'Priest?' says I.  'There's a fine big
+church, with a cross on the ridgepole of it, not five minutes' walk
+from this house.  I see it as we was comin' up.  Why don't you run
+down there this minute?' I says.
+
+"No, she didn't want to leave Archibald.  Suppose he should wake
+up.
+
+"'All right,' says I.  'Then I'll go myself.  And I'll fetch a
+priest up here if I have to tote him on my back, like the feller
+does the codfish in the advertisin' picture.'
+
+"I didn't have to tote him.  He lived in a mighty fine house,
+hitched onto the church, and there was half a dozen assistant
+parsons to help him do his preachin'.  But he was big and fat and
+gray-haired and as jolly and as kind-hearted a feller as you'd want
+to meet.  He said he'd come right along; and he done it.
+
+"Phinney opened the door for us.  'What's the row?' says I, lookin'
+at his face.
+
+"'Row?' he snorts; 'there's row enough for six.  That da--excuse
+me, mister--that cussed Archibald has woke up.'
+
+"He had; there wa'n't no doubt about it.  And he was raisin' hob,
+too.  The candy, mixed up with the dinner, had put his works in
+line with his disposition, and he was poundin' and yellin' upstairs
+enough to wake the dead.  Margaret leaned over the balusters.
+
+"'Is it the Father?' she says.  'Oh, dear! what'll I do?'
+
+"'Send some of the other servants to the boy,' says the priest,
+'and come down yourself.'
+
+"Simeon, lookin' kind of foolish, explained what had become of the
+other servants.  Father McGrath--that was his name--laughed and
+shook all over.
+
+"'Very well,' says he.  'Then bring the young man down.  Perhaps
+he'll be quiet here.'
+
+"So pretty soon down come Margaret with Archibald, full of the Old
+Scratch, as usual, dressed up gay in a kind of red blanket nighty,
+with a rope around the middle of it.  The young one spotted Simeon,
+and set up a whoop.
+
+"'Oh! there's the funny whiskers,' he sings out.
+
+"'Good evenin', my son,' says the priest.
+
+"'Who's the fat man?' remarks Archibald, sociable.  'I never saw
+such a red fat man.  What makes him so red and fat?'
+
+"These questions didn't make Father McGrath any paler.  He laughed,
+of course, but not as if 'twas the funniest thing he ever heard.
+
+"'So you think I'm fat, do you, my boy?' says he.
+
+"'Yes, I do,' says Archibald.  'Fat and red and funny.  Most as
+funny as the whisker man.  I never saw such funny-lookin' people.'
+
+"He commenced to point and holler and laugh.  Poor Margaret was so
+shocked and mortified she didn't know what to do.
+
+"'Stop your noise, sonny,' says I.  'This gentleman wants to talk
+to your nurse.'
+
+"The answer I got was some unexpected.
+
+"'What makes your feet so big?' says Archie, pointin' at my Sunday
+boots.  'Why do you wear shoes like that?  Can't you help it?
+You're funny, too, aren't you?  You're funnier than the rest of
+'em.'
+
+"We all went into the library then, and Father McGrath tried to ask
+Margaret some questions.  I'd told him the heft of the yarn on the
+way from the church, and he was interested.  But the questionin'
+was mighty unsatisfyin'.  Archibald was the whole team, and the
+rest of us was yeller dogs under the wagon.
+
+"'Can't you keep that child quiet?' asks the priest, at last,
+losin' his temper and speakin' pretty sharp.
+
+"'O Archie, dear!  DO be a nice boy,' begs Margaret, for the eight
+hundredth time.
+
+"'Why don't you punish him as he deserves?'
+
+"'Father, dear, I can't.  The mistress says he's so sensitive that
+he has to have his own way.  I'd lose my place if I laid a hand on
+him.'
+
+"'Come on into the parlor and see the pictures, Archie,' says I.
+
+"'I won't,' says Archibald.  'I'm goin' to stay here and see the
+fat man make faces.'
+
+"'You see,' says Sim, apologizin' 'we can't touch him, 'cause we
+promised his ma not to interfere.  And my right hand's got cramps
+in the palm of it this minute,' he adds, glarin' at the young one.
+
+"Father McGrath stood up and reached for his hat.  Margaret began
+to cry.  Archibald, dear, whooped and kicked the furniture.  And
+just then the front-door bell rang.
+
+"For a minute I thought 'twas Cousin Harriet and the Holdens come
+back, but then I knew it was hours too early for that.  Margaret
+was too much upset to be fit for company, so I answered the bell
+myself.  And who in the world should be standin' on the steps but
+that big Dempsey man, the boss of the Golconda House, where me and
+Simeon had been stayin'; the feller we'd spoke to that very
+mornin'.
+
+"'Good evenin', sor,' says he, in a voice as deep as a well.  'I'm
+glad to find you to home, sor.  There's a telegram come for you at
+my place,' he says, 'and as your friend lift the address when he
+come for the baggage this afternoon, I brought it along to yez.  I
+was comin' this way, so 'twas no trouble.'
+
+"'That's real kind of you,' I says.  'Step inside a minute, won't
+you?'
+
+"So in he comes, and stands, holdin' his shiny beaver in his hand,
+while I tore open the telegram envelope.  'Twas a message from a
+feller I knew with the Clyde Line of steamboats.  He had found out,
+somehow, that we was in New York, and the telegram was an order for
+us to come and make him a visit.
+
+"'I hope it's not bad news, sor,' says the big chap.
+
+"'No, no,' says I.  'Not a bit of it, Mr. Dempsey.  Come on in and
+have a cigar, won't you?'
+
+"'Thank you, sor,' says he.  'I'm glad it's not the bad news.
+Sure, I ax you and your friend's pardon for bein' so short to yez
+this mornin', but I'm in that throuble lately that me timper is all
+but gone.'
+
+"'That so?' says I.  'Trouble's thick in this world, ain't it?  Me
+and Mr. Phinney got a case of trouble on our hands now, Mr.
+Dempsey, and--'
+
+"'Excuse me, sor,' he says.  'My name's not Dempsey.  I suppose you
+seen the sign with me partner's name on it.  I only bought into the
+business a while ago, and the new sign's not ready yit.  Me name is
+O'Shaughnessy, sor.'
+
+"'What?' says I.  And then: 'WHAT?'
+
+"'O'Shaughnessy.  Michael O'Shaughnessy.  I--'
+
+"'Hold on!' I sung out.  'For the land sakes, hold on!  WHAT'S your
+name?'
+
+"He bristled up like a cat.
+
+"'Michael O'Shaughnessy,' he roars, like the bull of Bashan.
+'D'yez find any fault with it?  'Twas me father's before me--
+Michael Patrick O'Shaughnessy, of County Sligo.  I'll have yez
+know--  WHAT'S THAT?'
+
+"'Twas a scream from the libr'ry.  Next thing I knew, Margaret, the
+nurse girl, was standin' in the hall, white as a Sunday shirt, and
+swingin' back and forth like a wild-carrot stalk in a gale.
+
+"'Mike!' says she, kind of low and faint.  'Mary be good to us!
+MIKE!'
+
+"And the big chap dropped his tall hat on the floor and turned as
+white as she was.
+
+"'MAGGIE!' he hollers.  And then they closed in on one another.
+
+"Sim and the priest and Archie had followed the girl into the hall.
+Me and Phinney was too flabbergasted to do anything, but big Father
+McGrath was cool as an ice box.  When Archibald, like the little
+imp he was, sets up a whoop and dives for them two, the priest
+grabs him by the rope of the blanket nighty and swings him into the
+libr'ry, and shuts the door on him.
+
+"'And now,' says he, takin' Sim and me by the arms and leadin' us
+to the parlor, 'we'll just step in here and wait a bit.'
+
+"We waited, maybe, ten minutes.  Archibald, dear, shut up in the
+libr'ry, was howlin' blue murder, but nobody paid any attention to
+him.  Then there was a knock on the door between us and the hall,
+and Father McGrath opened it.  There they was, the two of 'em--Mike
+and Maggie--lookin' red and foolish--but happy, don't talk!
+
+"'You see, sor,' says the O'Shaughnessy man to me, ''twas the five-
+thousand-dollar prize that done it.  I'd been workin' at me trade,
+sor--larnin' to tind bar it was--and I'd just got a new job where
+the pay was pretty good, and I'd sint over for Maggie, and was
+plannin' for the little flat we was to have, and the like of that,
+when I drew that prize.  And the joy of it was like handin' me a
+jolt on the jaw.  It put me out for two weeks, sor, and when I come
+to I was in Baltimore, where I'd gone to collect the money; and two
+thousand of the five was gone, and I knew me job in New York was
+gone, and I was that shamed and sick it took me three days more to
+make up me mind to come to me Cousin Tim's, where I knew Maggie'd
+be waitin' for me.  And when I did come back she was gone, too.'
+
+"'And then,' says Father McGrath, sharp, 'I suppose you went on
+another spree, and spent the rest of the money.'
+
+"'I did not, sor--axin' your pardon for contradictin' your
+riverence.  I signed the pledge, and I'll keep it, with Maggie to
+help me.  I put me three thousand into a partnership with me friend
+Dempsey, who was runnin' the Golconda House--'tis over on the East
+Side, with a fine bar trade--and I'm doin' well, barrin' that I've
+been crazy for this poor girl, and advertisin' and--'
+
+"'And look at the clothes of him!' sings out Margaret, reverentlike.
+'And is that YOUR tall hat, Mike?  To think of you with a tall hat!
+Sure it's a proud girl I am this day.  Saints forgive me, I've
+forgot Archie!'
+
+"And afore we could stop her she'd run into the hall and unfastened
+the libr'ry door.  It took her some time to smooth down the young
+one's sensitive feelin's, and while she was gone, me and Simeon
+told the O'Shaughnessy man a little of what his girl had had to put
+up with along of Cousin Harriet and Archibald.  He was mad.
+
+"'Is that the little blackguard?' he asks, pointin' to Archibald,
+who had arrived by now.
+
+"'That's the one,' says I.
+
+"Archibald looked up at him and grinned, sassy as ever.
+
+"'Father McGrath,' asks O'Shaughnessy, determined like, 'can you
+marry us this night?'
+
+"'I can,' says the Father.
+
+"'And will yez?'
+
+"'I will, with pleasure.'
+
+"'Maggie,' says Mike, 'get your hat and jacket on and come with the
+Father and me this minute.  These gintlemen here will explain to
+your lady when she comes back.  But YOU'LL come back no more.
+We'll send for your trunk to-morrer.'
+
+"Even then the girl hesitated.  She'd been so used to bein' a slave
+that I suppose she couldn't realize she was free at last.
+
+"'But, Mike, dear,' she says.  'I--oh, your lovely hat!  Put it
+down, Archie, darlin'.  Put it down!'
+
+"Archibald had been doin' a little cruisin' on his own hook, and
+he'd dug up Mike's shiny beaver where it had been dropped in the
+hall.  Now he was dancin' round with it, bangin' it on the top as
+if it was a drum.
+
+"'Put it down, PLEASE!' pleads Margaret.  'Twas plain that that
+plug was a crown of glory to her.
+
+"'Drop it, you little thafe!' yells O'Shaughnessy, makin' a dive
+for the boy.
+
+"'I won't!' screams Archibald, and starts to run.  He tripped over
+the corner of a mat, and fell flat.  The plug hat was underneath
+him, and it fell flat, too.
+
+"'Oh! oh! oh!' wails Margaret, wringin' her hands.  'Your beautiful
+hat, Mike!'
+
+"Mike's face was like a sunset.
+
+"'Your reverence,' says he, 'tell me this; don't the wife promise
+to "obey" in the marriage service?'
+
+"'She does,' says Father McGrath.
+
+"'D'ye hear that, you that's to be Margaret O'Shaughnessy?  You do?
+Well, then, as your husband that's to be in tin minutes, I order
+you to give that small divil what's comin' to him.  D'ye hear me?
+Will yez obey me, or will yez not?'
+
+"She didn't know what to do.  You could see she wanted to--her
+fingers was itchin' to do it, but--  And then Archie held up the
+ruins of the hat and commenced to laugh.
+
+"That settled it.  Next minute he was across her knee and gettin'
+what he'd been sufferin' for ever sence he was born; and gettin'
+all the back numbers along with it, too.
+
+"And in the midst of the performance Sim Phinney leans over to me
+with the most heavenly, resigned expression on his face, and says
+he:
+
+"'It ain't OUR fault, Hiram.  We promised not to interfere.'"
+
+"What did Sam Holden and his wife say when they got home?" asked
+Captain Sol, when the triumphant whoops over Archibald's righteous
+chastisement had subsided.
+
+"We didn't give him much of a chance to say anything.  I laid for
+him in the hall when he arrived and told him that Phinney had got a
+telegram and must leave immediate.  He wanted to know why, and a
+whole lot more, but I told him we'd write it.  Neither Sim nor me
+cared to face Cousin Harriet after her darlin' son had spun his
+yarn.  Ha! ha!  I'd like to have seen her face--from a safe
+distance."
+
+Captain Bailey Stitt cleared his throat.  "Referrin' to them
+automobiles," he said, "I--"
+
+"Say, Sol," interrupted Wingate, "did I ever tell you of Cap'n
+Jonadab's and my gettin' took up by the police when WE was in New
+York?"
+
+"No," replied the astounded depot master.  "Took up by the POLICE?"
+
+"Um--hm.  Surprises you, don't it?  Well, that whole trip was a
+surprise to me.
+
+"When Laban Thorp set out to thrash his son and the boy licked him
+instead, they found the old man settin' in the barnyard, holdin' on
+to his nose and grinnin' for pure joy.
+
+"'Hurt?' says he.  'Why, some.  But think of it!  Only think of it!
+I didn't believe Bill had it in him.'
+
+"Well, that's the way I felt when Cap'n Jonadab sprung the New York
+plan on to me.  I was pretty nigh as much surprised as Labe.  The
+idea of a man with a chronic case of lockjaw of the pocketbook,
+same as Jonadab had worried along under ever sence I knew him,
+suddenly breakin' loose with a notion to go to New York on a
+pleasure cruise!  'Twas too many for me.  I set and looked at him.
+
+"'Oh, I mean it, Barzilla,' he says.  'I ain't been to New York
+sence I was mate on the Emma Snow, and that was 'way back in the
+eighties.  That is, to stop I ain't.  That time we went through on
+the way to Peter T.'s weddin' don't count, 'cause we only went in
+the front door and out the back, like Squealer Wixon went through
+high school.  Let's you and me go and stay two or three days and
+have a real high old time,' says he.
+
+"I fetched a long breath.  'Jonadab,' I says, don't scare a feller
+this way; I've got a weak heart.  If you're goin' to start in and
+be divilish in your old age, why, do it kind of gradual.  Let's go
+over to the billiard room and have a bottle of sass'parilla and a
+five-cent cigar, just to break the ice.'
+
+"But that only made him mad.
+
+"'You talk like a fish,' he says.  'I mean it.  Why can't we go?
+It's September, the Old Home House is shut up for the season, you
+and me's done well--fur's profits are concerned--and we ought to
+have a change, anyway.  We've got to stay here in Orham all
+winter.'
+
+"'Have you figgered out how much it's goin' to cost?' I asked him.
+
+"Yes, he had.  'It won't be so awful expensive,' he says.  'I've
+got some stock in the railroad and that'll give me a pass fur's
+Fall River.  And we can take a lunch to eat on the boat.  And a
+stateroom's a dollar; that's fifty cents apiece.  And my daughter's
+goin' to Denboro on a visit next week, so I'd have to pay board if
+I stayed to home.  Come on, Barzilla! don't be so tight with your
+money.'
+
+"So I said I'd go, though I didn't have any pass, nor no daughter
+to feed me free gratis for nothin' when I got back.  And when we
+started, on the followin' Monday, nothin' would do but we must be
+at the depot at two o'clock so's not to miss the train, which left
+at quarter past three.
+
+"I didn't sleep much that night on the boat.  For one thing, our
+stateroom was a nice lively one, alongside of the paddle box and
+just under the fog whistle; and for another, the supper that
+Jonadab had brought, bein' mainly doughnuts and cheese, wa'n't the
+best cargo to take to bed with you.  But it didn't make much
+diff'rence, 'cause we turned out at four, so's to see the scenery
+and git our money's worth.  What was left of the doughnuts and
+cheese we had for breakfast.
+
+"We made the dock on time, and the next thing was to pick out a
+hotel.  I was for cruisin' along some of the main streets until we
+hove in sight of a place that looked sociable and not too
+expensive.  But no; Jonadab had it all settled for me.  We was
+goin' to the 'Wayfarer's Inn,' a boardin' house where he'd put up
+once when he was mate of the Emma Snow.  He said 'twas a fine place
+and you could git as good ham and eggs there as a body'd want to
+eat.
+
+"So we set sail for the 'Wayfarer's,' and of all the times gittin'
+to a place--don't talk!  We asked no less than nine policemen and
+one hundred and two other folks, and it cost us thirty cents in car
+fares, which pretty nigh broke Jonadab's heart.  However, we found
+it, finally, 'way off amongst a nest of brick houses and peddler
+carts and children, and it wa'n't the 'Wayfarer's Inn' no more, but
+was down in the shippin' list as the 'Golconda House.'  Jonadab
+said the neighborhood had changed some sence he was there, but he
+guessed we'd better chance it, 'cause the board was cheap.
+
+"We had a nine-by-ten room up aloft somewheres, and there we set
+down on the edge of the bed and a chair to take account of stock,
+as you might say.
+
+"'Now, I tell you, Jonadab,' says I; 'we don't want to waste no
+time, and we've got the day afore us.  What do you say if we cruise
+along the water front for a spell?  There's ha'f a dozen Orham
+folks aboard diff'rent steamers that hail from this port, and
+'twouldn't be no more'n neighborly to call on 'em.  There's Silas
+Baker's boy, Asa--he's with the Savannah Line and he'd be mighty
+glad to see us.  And there's--'
+
+"But Jonadab held up his hand.  He'd been mysterious as a baker's
+mince pie ever sence we started, hintin' at somethin' he'd got to
+do when we'd got to New York.  And now he out with it.
+
+"'Barzilla,' he says, 'I ain't sayin' but what I'd like to go to
+the wharves with you, first rate.  And we will go, too.  But afore
+we do anything else I've got an errand that must be attended to.
+'Twas give to me by a dyin' man,' he says, 'and I promised him I'd
+do it.  So that comes first of all.'
+
+"He got his wallet out of his inside vest pocket, where it had been
+pinned in tight to keep it safe from robbers, unwound a foot or so
+of leather strap, and dug up a yeller piece of paper that looked
+old enough to be Methusalem's will, pretty nigh.
+
+"'Do you remember Patrick Kelly in Orham?' he asks.
+
+"'Who?' says I.  'Pat Kelly, the Irishman, that lived in the little
+old shack back of your barn?  Course I do.  But he's been dead for
+I don't know how long.'
+
+"'I know he has.  Do you remember his boy Jim that run away from
+home?'
+
+"'Let's see,' I says.  'Seems to me I do.  Freckled, red-headed
+rooster, wa'n't he?  And of all the imps of darkness that ever--'
+
+"'S-sh-sh!' he interrupted solemn.  'Don't say that now, Barzilla.
+Sounds kind of irreverent.  Well, me and old Pat was pretty
+friendly, in a way, though he did owe me rent.  When he was sick
+with the pleurisy he sends for me and he says, "Cap'n 'Wixon," says
+he, "you're pretty close with the money," he says--he was kind of
+out of his head at the time and liable to say foolish things--
+"you're pretty close," he says, "but you're a man of your word.  My
+boy Jimmie, that run away, was the apple of my eye."'
+
+"'That's what he said about his girl Maggie that was took up for
+stealin' Mrs. Elkanah Higgins's spoons,' I says.  'He had a healthy
+crop of apples in HIS orchard.'
+
+"'S-sh-h!  DON'T talk so!  I feel as if the old man's spirit was
+with us this minute.  "He's the apple of my eye," he says, "and he
+run away, after me latherin' the life out of him with a wagon
+spoke.  'Twas all for his good, but he didn't understand, bein' but
+a child.  And now I've heard," he says, "that he's workin' at 116
+East Blank Street in the city of New York.  Cap'n Wixon, you're a
+man of money and a travelin' man," he says (I was fishin' in them
+days).  "When you go to New York," he says, "I want you to promise
+me to go to the address on this paper and hunt up Jimmie.  Tell him
+I forgive him for lickin' him," he says, "and die happy.  Will you
+promise me that, Cap'n, on your word as a gentleman?"  And I
+promised him.  And he died in less than ten months afterwards, poor
+thing.'
+
+"'But that was sixteen--eighteen--nineteen years ago,' says I.
+'And the boy run away three years afore that.  You've been to New
+York in the past nineteen years, once anyhow.'
+
+"'I know it.  But I forgot.  I'm ashamed of it, but I forgot.  And
+when I was goin' through the things up attic at my daughter's last
+Friday, seein' what I could find for the rummage sale at the
+church, I come across my old writin' desk, and in it was this very
+piece of paper with the address on it just as I wrote it down.  And
+me startin' for New York in three days!  Barzilla, I swan to man, I
+believe something SENT me to that attic.'
+
+"I knew what sent him there and so did the church folks, judgin' by
+their remarks when the contribution came in.  But I was too much
+set back by the whole crazy business to say anything about that.
+
+"'Look here, Jonadab Wixon,' I sings out, 'do you mean to tell me
+that we've got to put in the whole forenoon ransackin' New York to
+find a boy that run off twenty-two years ago?'
+
+"'It won't take the forenoon,' he says.  'I've got the number,
+ain't I?'
+
+"'Yes, you've got the number where he WAS.  If you want to know
+where I think he's likely to be now, I'd try the jail.'
+
+"But he said I was unfeelin' and disobligin' and lots more, so, to
+cut the argument short, I agreed to go.  And off we put to hunt up
+116 East Blank Street.  And when we located it, after a good hour
+of askin' questions, and payin' car fares and wearin' out shoe
+leather, 'twas a Chinese laundry.
+
+"'Well,' I says, sarcastic, 'here we be.  Which one of the heathen
+do you think is Jimmie?  If he had an inch or so more of upper lip,
+I'd gamble on that critter with the pink nighty and the baskets on
+his feet.  He has a kind of familiar chicken-stealin' look in his
+eye.  Oh, come down on the wharves, Jonadab, and be sensible.'
+
+"Would you believe it, he wa'n't satisfied.  We must go into the
+wash shop and ask the Chinamen if they knew Jimmie Kelly.  So we
+went in and the powwow begun.
+
+"'Twas a mighty unsatisfyin' interview.  Jonadab's idea of talkin'
+to furriners is to yell at 'em as if they was stone deef.  If they
+don't understand what you say, yell louder.  So between his yells
+and the heathen's jabber and grunts the hullabaloo was worse than a
+cat in a hen yard.  Folks begun to stop outside the door and listen
+and grin.
+
+"'What did he say?' asks the Cap'n, turnin' to me.
+
+"'I don't know,' says I, 'but I cal'late he's gettin' ready to send
+a note up to the crazy asylum.  Come on out of here afore I go
+loony myself.'
+
+"So he done it, finally, cross as all get out, and swearin' that
+all Chinese was no good and oughtn't to be allowed in this country.
+But he wouldn't give up, not yet.  He must scare up some of the
+neighbors and ask them.  The fifth man that we asked was an old
+chap who remembered that there used to be a liquor saloon once
+where the laundry was now.  But he didn't know who run it or what
+had become of him.
+
+"'Never mind,' I says.  'You're as warm as you're likely to be this
+trip.  A rum shop is just about the place I'd expect that Kelly boy
+WOULD be in.  And, if he's like the rest of his relations on his
+dad's side, he drank himself to death years ago.  NOW will you head
+for the Savannah Line?'
+
+"Not much, he wouldn't.  He had another notion.  We'd look in the
+directory.  That seemed to have a glimmer of sense somewheres in
+its neighborhood, so we found an apothecary store and the clerk
+handed us out a book once again as big as a church Bible.
+
+"'Kelly,' says Jonadab.  'Yes, here 'tis.  Now, "James Kelly."
+Land of Love!  Barzilla, look here.'
+
+"I looked, and there wa'n't no less than a dozen pages of James
+Kellys beginning with fifty James A.'s and endin' with four James
+Z.'s.  The Y in 'New York' ought to be a C, judgin' by that
+directory.
+
+"'Godfrey mighty!' I says.  'This ain't no forenoon's job, Jonadab.
+If you're goin' through that list you'll have to spend the rest of
+your life here.  Only, unless you want to be lonesome, you'll have
+to change your name to Kelly.'
+
+"'If I'd only got his middle letter,' says he, mournful, ''twould
+have been easier.  He had four middle names, if I remember right--
+the old man was great on names--and 'twas too much trouble to write
+'em all down.  Well, I've done my duty, anyhow.  We'll go and call
+on Ase Baker.'
+
+"But 'twas after eleven o'clock then, and the doughnuts and cheese
+I had for breakfast was beginnin' to feel as if they wanted
+company.  So we decided to go back to the Golconda and have some
+dinner first.
+
+"We had ham and eggs for dinner, some that was left over from the
+last time Jonadab stopped there, I cal'late.  Lucky there was hot
+bread and coffee on the bill or we'd never got a square meal.  Then
+we went up to our room and the Cap'n laid down on the bed.  He was
+beat out, he said, and wanted to rest up a spell afore haulin'
+anchor for another cruise."
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+A VISION SENT
+
+
+"Where's the arrestin' come in?" demanded Stitt.
+
+"Comes quick now, Bailey.  Plenty quick enough for me and Jonadab,
+I tell you that!  After we got to our room the Cap'n went to sleep
+pretty soon and I set in the one chair, readin' the newspaper and
+wishin' I hadn't ate so many of the warm bricks that the Golconda
+folks hoped was biscuit.  They made me feel like a schooner goin'
+home in ballast.  I guess I was drowsin' off myself, but there
+comes a most unearthly yell from the bed and I jumped ha'f out of
+the chair.  There was Jonadab settin' up and lookin' wild.
+
+"'What in the world?' says I.
+
+"'Oh!  Ugh!  My soul!' says he.
+
+"'Your soul, hey?' says I.  'Is that all?  I thought mebbe you'd
+lost a quarter.'
+
+"'Barzilla,' he says, comin' to and starin' at me solemn,
+'Barzilla, I've had a dream--a wonderful dream.'
+
+"'Well,' I says, 'I ain't surprised.  A feller that h'isted in as
+much fried dough as you did ought to expect--'
+
+"'But I tell you 'twas a WONDERFUL dream,' he says.  'I dreamed I
+was on Blank Street, where we was this mornin', and Patrick Kelly
+comes to me and p'ints his finger right in my face.  I see him as
+plain as I see you now.  And he says to me--he said it over and
+over, two or three times--Seventeen," says he, "Seventeen."  Now
+what do you think of that?'
+
+"'Humph!' I says.  'I ain't surprised.  I think 'twas just
+seventeen of them biscuits that you got away with.  Wonder to me
+you didn't see somebody worse'n old Pat.'
+
+"But he was past jokin'.  You never see a man so shook up by the
+nightmare as he was by that one.  He kept goin' over it and tellin'
+how natural old Kelly looked and how many times he said 'Seventeen'
+to him.
+
+"'Now what did he mean by it?' he says.  'Don't tell me that was a
+common dream, 'cause twa'n't.  No, sir, 'twas a vision sent to me,
+and I know it.  But what did he mean?'
+
+"'I think he meant you was seventeen kinds of an idiot,' I snorts,
+disgusted.  'Get up off that bed and stop wavin' your arms, will
+you?  He didn't mean for you to turn yourself into a windmill,
+that's sartin sure.'
+
+"Then he hits his knee a slap that sounds like a window blind
+blowin' to.  'I've got it!' he sings out.  'He meant for me to go
+to number seventeen on that street.  That's what he meant.'
+
+"I laughed and made fun of him, but I might as well have saved my
+breath.  He was sure Pat Kelly's ghost had come hikin' back from
+the hereafter to tell him to go to 17 Blank Street and find his
+boy.  'Else why was he ON Blank Street?' he says.  'You tell me
+that.'
+
+"I couldn't tell him.  It's enough for me to figger out what makes
+live folks act the way they do, let alone dead ones.  And Cap'n
+Jonadab was a Spiritu'list on his mother's side.  It ended by my
+agreein' to give the Jimmie chase one more try.
+
+"'But it's got to be the last,' I says.  'When you get to number
+seventeen don't you say you think the old man meant to say
+"seventy" and stuttered.'
+
+"Number 17 Blank Street was a little combination fruit and paper
+store run by an Eyetalian with curly hair and the complexion of a
+molasses cooky.  His talk sounded as if it had been run through a
+meat chopper.  All he could say was, 'Nica grape, genta'men?  On'y
+fifteen cent a pound.  Nica grape?  Nica apple?  Nica pear?  Nica
+ploom?'
+
+"'Kelly?' says Jonadab, hollerin' as usual.  'Kelly! d'ye
+understand?  K-E-L-Kel L-Y-ly, Kelly.  YOU know, KELLY!  We want to
+find him.'
+
+"And just then up steps a feller about six feet high and three foot
+through.  He was dressed in checkerboard clothes, some gone to
+seed, and you could hardly see the blue tie he had on for the glass
+di'mond in it.  Oh, he was a little wilted now--for the lack of
+water, I judge--but 'twas plain that he'd been a sunflower in his
+time.  He'd just come out of a liquor store next door to the fruit
+shop and was wipin' his mouth with the back of his hand.
+
+"'What's this I hear?' says he, fetchin' Jonadab a welt on the back
+like a mast goin' by the board.  'Is it me friend Kelly you're
+lookin' for?'
+
+"I was just goin' to tell him no, not likin' his looks, but Jonadab
+cut in ahead of me, out of breath from the earthquake the feller
+had landed him, but excited as could be.
+
+"'Yes, yes!' says he.  'It's Mr. Kelly we want.  Do you know him?'
+
+"'Do I know him?  Why, me bucko, 'tis me old college chum he is.
+Come on with me and we'll give him the glad hand.'
+
+"He grabs Jonadab by the arm and starts along the sidewalk,
+steerin' a toler'ble crooked course, but gainin' steady by jerks.
+
+"'I was on me way to Kelly's place now,' says he.  'And here it is.
+Sure didn't I bate the bookies blind on Rosebud but yesterday--or
+was it the day before?  I don't know, but come on, me lads, and
+we'll do him again.'
+
+"He turned in at a little narrer entry-like, and went stumblin' up
+a flight of dirty stairs.  I caught hold of Jonadab's coat tails
+and pulled him back.
+
+"'Where you goin', you crazy loon?' I whispered.  'Can't you see
+he's three sheets in the wind?  And you haven't told him what Kelly
+you want, nor nothin'.'
+
+"But I might as well have hollered at a stone wall.  'I don't care
+if he's as fur gone in liquor as Belshazzer's goat,' sputters the
+Cap'n, all worked up.  'He's takin' us to a Kelly, ain't he?  And
+is it likely there'd be another one within three doors of the
+number I dreamed about?  Didn't I tell you that dream was a vision
+sent?  Don't lay to NOW, Barzilla, for the land sakes!  It's
+Providence a-workin'.'
+
+"'Cording to my notion the sunflower looked more like an agent from
+t'other end of the line than one from Providence, but just then he
+commenced to yell for us and upstairs we went, Jonadab first.
+
+"'Whisht!' says the checkerboard, holdin' on to Jonadab's collar
+and swingin' back and forth.  'Before we proceed to blow in on me
+friend Kelly, let us come to an understandin' concernin' and
+touchin' on--and--and--I don't know.  But b'ys,' says he, solemn
+and confidential, 'are you on the square?  Are yez dead game
+sports, hey?'
+
+"'Yes, yes!' says Jonadab.  'Course we be.  Mr. Kelly and us are
+old friends.  We've come I don't know how fur on purpose to see
+him.  Now where's--'
+
+"'Say no more,' hollers the feller.  'Say no more.  Come on with
+yez.'  And he marches down the dark hall to a door with a 'To let'
+sign on it and fetches it a bang with his fist.  It opens a little
+ways and a face shows in the crack.
+
+"'Hello, Frank!' hails the sunflower, cheerful.  'Will you take
+that ugly mug of yours out of the gate and lave me friends in?'
+
+"'What's the matter wid you, Mike?' asks the chap at the door.
+'Yer can't bring them two yaps in here and you know it.  Gwan out
+of this.'
+
+"He tried to shut the door, but the checkerboard had his foot
+between it and the jamb.  You might as well have tried to shove in
+the broadside of an ocean liner as to push against that foot.
+
+"'These gents are friends of mine,' says he.  'Frank, I'll do yez
+the honor of an introduction to Gin'ral Grant and Dan'l O'Connell.
+Open that door and compose your face before I'm obliged to break
+both of 'em.'
+
+"'But I tell you, Mike, I can't,' says the door man, lookin'
+scared.  'The boss is out, and you know--'
+
+"'WILL you open that door?' roars the big chap.  And with that he
+hove his shoulder against the panels and jammed the door open by
+main force, all but flattenin' the other feller behind it.  'Walk
+in, Gin'ral,' he says to Jonadab, and in we went, me wonderin' what
+was comin' next, and not darin' to guess.
+
+"There was a kind of partitioned off hallway inside, with another
+door in the partition.  We opened that, and there was a good-sized
+room, filled with men, smokin' and standin' around.  A high board
+fence was acrost one end of the room, and from behind it comes a
+jinglin' of telephone bells and the sounds of talk.  The floor was
+covered with torn papers, the window blinds was shut, the gas was
+burnin' blue, and, between it and the smoke, the smells was as
+various as them in a fish glue factory.  On the fence was a couple
+of blackboards with 'Belmont' and 'Brighton' and suchlike names in
+chalk wrote on 'em, and beneath that a whole mess in writin' and
+figures like, 'Red Tail 4--Wt--108--Jock Smith--5--1,' 'Sourcrout
+5--Wt--99--Jock Jones--20--5,' and similar rubbish.  And the gang--
+a mighty mixed lot--was scribblin' in little books and watchin'
+each other as if they was afraid of havin' their pockets picked;
+though, to look at 'em, you'd have guessed the biggest part had
+nothin' in their pockets but holes.
+
+"The six-foot checkerboard--who, it turned out, answered to the
+hail of 'Mike'--seemed to be right at home with the gang.  He
+called most of 'em by their first names and went sasshayin' around,
+weltin' 'em on the back and tellin' 'em how he'd 'put crimps in the
+bookies rolls t'other day,' and a lot more stuff that they seemed
+to understand, but was hog Greek to me and Jonadab.  He'd forgot us
+altogether which was a mercy the way I looked at it, and I steered
+the Cap'n over into a corner and we come to anchor on a couple of
+rickety chairs.
+
+"'What--why--what kind of a place IS this, Barzilla?' whispers
+Jonadab, scared.
+
+"'Sh-h-h!' says I.  'Land knows.  Just set quiet and hang on to
+your watch.'
+
+"'But--but I want to find Kelly,' says he.
+
+"'I'd give somethin' to find a back door,' says I.  'Ain't this a
+collection of dock rats though!  If this is a part of your dream,
+Jonadab, I wish you'd turn over and wake up.  Oh land! here's one
+murderer headin' this way.  Keep your change in your fist and keep
+the fist shut.'
+
+"A more'n average rusty peep, with a rubber collar on and no
+necktie, comes slinkin' over to us.  He had a smile like a crack in
+a plate.
+
+"'Say, gents,' he says, 'have you made your bets yet?  I've got a
+dead straight line on the handicap,' says he, 'and I'll put you
+next for a one spot.  It's a sure t'ing at fifteen to three.  What
+do you say?'
+
+"I didn't say nuthin'; but that fool dream was rattlin' round in
+Jonadab's skull like a bean in a blowgun, and he sees a chance for
+a shot.
+
+"'See here, mister,' he says.  'Can you tell me where to locate Mr.
+Kelly?'
+
+"'Who--Pete?' says the feller.  'Oh, he ain't in just now.  But
+about that handicap.  I like the looks of youse and I'll let youse
+in for a dollar.  Or, seein' it's you, we'll say a half.  Only
+fifty cents.  I wouldn't do better for my own old man,' he says.
+
+"While the Cap'n was tryin' to unravel one end of this gibberish I
+spoke up prompt.
+
+"'Say,' says I, 'tell me this, will you?  Is the Kelly who owns
+this--this palace, named Jimmie--James, I mean?'
+
+"'Naw,' says he.  'Sure he ain't.  It's Pete Kelly, of course--
+Silver Pete.  But what are you givin' us?  Are you bettin' on the
+race, or ain't you?'
+
+"Well, Jonadab understood that.  He bristled up like a brindled
+cat.  If there's any one thing the Cap'n is down on, it's gamblin'
+and such--always exceptin' when he knows he's won already.  You've
+seen that kind, maybe.
+
+"'Young feller,' he says, perkish, 'I want you to know that me and
+my friend ain't the bettin' kind.  What sort of a hole IS this,
+anyway?'
+
+"The rubber collared critter backed off, lookin' worried.  He goes
+acrost the room, and I see him talkin' to two or three other
+thieves as tough as himself.  And they commenced to stare at us and
+scowl.
+
+"'Come on,' I whispered to Jonadab.  'Let's get out of this place
+while we can.  There ain't no Jimmie Kelly here, or if there is you
+don't want to find him.'
+
+"He was as willin' to make tracks as I was, by this time, and we
+headed for the door in the partition.  But Rubber Collar and some
+of the others got acrost our bows.
+
+"'Cut it out,' says one of 'em.  'You can't get away so easy.  Hi,
+Frank! Frank!  Who let these turnip pullers in here, anyhow?  Who
+are they?'
+
+"The chap who was tendin' door comes out of his coop.  'You've got
+me,' he says.  'They come in with Big Mike, and he was loaded and
+scrappy and jammed 'em through.  Said they was pals of his.  Where
+is he?'
+
+"There was a hunt for Mike, and, when they got his bearin's, there
+he was keeled over on a bench, breathin' like an escape valve.  And
+an admiral's salute wouldn't have woke him up.  The whole crew was
+round us by this time, some ugly, and the rest laffin' and carryin'
+on.
+
+"'It's the Barkwurst gang,' says one.
+
+"'It's old Bark himself,' says another.  'Look at them lace
+curtains.'  And he points to Jonadab's whiskers.
+
+"'This one's Jacobs in disguise,' sings out somebody else.  'You
+can tell him by the Rube get-up.  Haw! haw!'
+
+"'Soak 'em!  Do 'em up!  Don't let 'em out!' hollers a ha'f dozen
+more.
+
+"Jonadab was game; I'll say that for him.  And I hadn't been second
+mate in my time for nothin'.
+
+"'Take your hands off me!' yells the Cap'n.  'I come in here to
+find a man I'm lookin' for, James Kelly it was, and--  You would,
+would you!  Stand by, Barzilla!'
+
+"I stood by.  Rubber Collar got one from me that made him remember
+home and mother, I'll bet.  Anyhow, my knuckles ached for two days
+afterwards.  And Jonadab was just as busy.  But I cal'late we'd
+have been ready for the oven in another five minutes if the door
+hadn't bu'st open with a bang, and a loud dressed chap, with the
+sweat pourin' down his face, come tearin' in.
+
+"'Beat it, fellers!' he yells.  'The place is goin' to be pinched.
+I've just had the tip, and they're right on top of me.'
+
+"THEN there was times.  Everybody was shoutin' and swearin' and
+fallin' over each other to get out.  I was kind of lost in the
+shuffle, and the next thing I remember for sartin is settin' up on
+Rubber Collar's stomach and lookin' foggy at the door, where the
+loud dressed man was wrestlin' with a policeman.  And there was
+police at the windows and all around.
+
+"Well, don't talk!  I got up, resurrects Jonadab from under a heap
+of gamblers and furniture, and makes for harbor in our old corner.
+The police was mighty busy, especially a fat, round-faced, red-
+mustached man, with gold bands on his cap and arms, that the rest
+called ' Cap'n.'  Him and the loud dressed chap who'd give the
+alarm was talkin' earnest close to us.
+
+"'I can't help it, Pete,' says the police cap'n.  "Twas me or the
+Vice Suppression crowd.  They've been on to you for two weeks back.
+I only just got in ahead of 'em as it was.  No, you'll have to go
+along with the rest and take your chances.  Quiet now, everybody,
+or you'll get it harder,' he roars, givin' orders like the skipper
+of a passenger boat.  'Stand in line and wait your turns for the
+wagon.'
+
+"Jonadab grabbed me by the wrist.  He was pale and shakin' all
+over.
+
+"'Oh, Lordy!' says he, 'we're took up.  Will we have to go to jail,
+do you think?'
+
+"'I don't know,' I says, disgusted.  'I presume likely we will.
+Did you dream anything like this?  You'd better see if you can't
+dream yourself out now.'  Twas rubbin' it in, but I was mad.
+
+"'Oh! oh!' says he, flappin' his hands.  'And me a deacon of the
+church!  Will folks know it, do you think?'
+
+"'Will they know it!  Sounds as if they knew it already.  Just
+listen to that.'
+
+"The first wagon full of prizes was bein' loaded in down at the
+front door, and the crowd outside was cheerin' 'em.  Judgin' by the
+whoops and hurrahs there wa'n't no less than a million folks at the
+show, and they was gettin' the wuth of admission.
+
+"'Oh, dear!' groans Jonadab.  'And it'll be in the papers and all!
+I can't stand this.'
+
+"And afore I could stop him he'd run over and tackled the head
+policeman.
+
+"'Mister--Mister Cap'n,' he says, pantin', 'there's been a mistake,
+an awful mis--take--'
+
+"'That's right,' says the police cap'n, 'there has.  Six or eight
+of you tin horns got clear.  But--'  Then he noticed who was
+speakin' to him and his mouth dropped open like a hatch.  'Well,
+saints above!' he says.  'Have the up-state delegates got to
+buckin' the ponies, too?  Why ain't you back home killin' pertater
+bugs?  You ought to be ashamed.'
+
+"'But we wa'n't gamblin'--me and my friend wa'n't.  We was led in
+here by mistake.  We was told that a feller named Kelly lived here
+and we're huntin' for a man of that name.  I've got a message to
+him from his poor dead father back in Orham.  We come all the way
+from Orham, Mass.--to find him and--'
+
+"The police cap'n turned around then and stared at him hard.
+'Humph!' says he, after a spell.  'Go over there and set down till
+I want you.  No, you'll go now and we'll waste no breath on it.  Go
+on, do you hear!'
+
+"So we went, and there we set for ha'f an hour, while the rest of
+the gang and the blackboards and the paper slips and the telephones
+and Big Mike and his chair was bein' carted off to the wagon.
+Once, when one of the constables was beatin' acrost to get us, the
+police cap'n spoke to him.
+
+"'You can leave these two,' he says.  'I'll take care of them.'
+
+"So, finally, when there was nothin' left but the four walls and us
+and some of the police, he takes me and Jonadab by the elbows and
+heads for the door.
+
+"'Now,' says he, 'walk along quiet and peaceable and tell me all
+about it.  Get out of this!' he shouts to the crowd of small boys
+and loafers on the sidewalk, 'or I'll take you, too.'
+
+"The outsiders fell astern, lookin' heartbroke and disapp'inted
+that we wa'n't hung on the spot, and the fat boss policeman and us
+two paraded along slow but grand.  I felt like the feller that was
+caught robbin' the poorhouse, and I cal'late Jonadab felt the same,
+only he was so busy beggin' and pleadin' and explainin' that he
+couldn't stop to feel anything.
+
+"He told it all, the whole fool yarn from one end to t'other.  How
+old Pat give him the message and how he went to the laundry, and
+about his ridiculous dream, every word.  And the fat policeman
+shook all over, like a barrel of cod livers.
+
+"By and by we got to a corner of a street and hove to.  I could see
+the station house loomin' up large ahead.  Fatty took a card from
+his pocketbook, wrote on it with a pencil, and then hailed a hack,
+one of them stern-first kind where the driver sits up aloft 'way
+aft.  He pushed back the cap with the gilt wreath on it, and I
+could see his red hair shinin' like a sunset.
+
+"'Here,' says he to the hack driver, 'take these--this pair of
+salads to the--what d'ye call it?--the Golconda House, wherever on
+top of the pavement that is.  And mind you, deliver 'em safe and
+don't let the truck horses get a bite at 'em.  And at half-past
+eight to-night you call for 'em and bring 'em here,' handin' up the
+card he'd written on.
+
+"''Tis the address of my house, I'm givin',' he says, turnin' to
+Jonadab.  'I'll be off duty then and we'll have dinner and talk
+about old times.  To think of you landin' in Silver Pete's pool
+room!  Dear! dear!  Why, Cap'n Wixon, barrin' that your whiskers
+are a bit longer and a taste grayer, I'd 'a' known you anywheres.
+Many's the time I've stole apples over your back fence.  I'm Jimmie
+Kelly,' says he."
+
+"Well, by mighty!" exclaimed the depot master, slapping his knee.
+"So HE was the Kelly man!  Humph!"
+
+"Funny how it turned out, wa'n't it?" said Barzilla.  "Course,
+Cap'n Jonadab was perfectly sat on spiritu'lism and signs and omens
+and such after that.  He's had his fortune told no less'n eight
+times sence, and, nigh's I can find out, each time it's different.
+The amount of blondes and brunettes and widows and old maids that
+he's slated to marry, accordin' to them fortune tellers, is
+perfectly scandalous.  If he lives up to the prophecies, Brigham
+Young wouldn't be a twospot 'longside of him."
+
+"It's funny about dreams," mused Captain Hiram.  "Folks are always
+tellin' about their comin' true, but none of mine ever did.  I used
+to dream I was goin' to be drowned, but I ain't been yet."
+
+The depot master laughed.  "Well," he observed, "once, when I was a
+youngster, I dreamed two nights runnin' that I was bein' hung.  I
+asked my Sunday school teacher if he believed dreams come true, and
+he said yes, sometimes.  Then I told him my dream, and he said he
+believed in that one.  I judged that any other finish for me would
+have surprised him.  But, somehow or other, they haven't hung me
+yet."
+
+"There was a hired girl over at the Old Home House who was sat on
+fortune tellin'," said Wingate.  "Her name was Effie, and--"
+
+"Look here!" broke in Captain Bailey Stitt, righteous indignation
+in his tone, "I've started no less than nineteen different times to
+tell you about how I went sailin' in an automobile.  Now do you
+want to hear it, or don't you?"
+
+"How you went SAILIN' in an auto?" repeated Barzilla.  "Went
+ridin', you mean."
+
+"I mean sailin'.  I went ridin', too, but--"
+
+"You'll have to excuse me, Bailey," interrupted Captain Hiram,
+rising and looking at his watch.  "I've stayed here a good deal
+longer'n I ought to, already.  I must be gettin' on home to see how
+poor little Dusenberry, my boy, is feelin'.  I do hope he's better
+by now.  I wish Dr. Parker hadn't gone out of town."
+
+The depot master rose also.  "And I'll have to be excused, too," he
+declared.  "It's most time for the up train.  Good-by, Hiram.  Give
+my regards to Sophrony, and if there's anything I can do to help,
+in case your baby should be sick, just sing out, won't you?"
+
+"But I want to tell about this automobilin' scrape," protested
+Captain Bailey.  "It was one of them things that don't happen every
+day."
+
+"So was that fortune business of Effie's," declared Wingate.
+"Honest, the way it worked out was queer enough."
+
+But the train whistled just then and the group broke up.  Captain
+Sol went out to the platform, where Cornelius Rowe, Ed Crocker,
+Beriah Higgins, Obed Gott, and other interested citizens had
+already assembled.  Wingate and Stitt followed.  As for Captain
+Hiram Baker, he hurried home, his conscience reproving him for
+remaining so long away from his wife and poor little Hiram Joash,
+more familiarly known as "Dusenberry."
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+DUSENBERRY'S BIRTHDAY
+
+
+Mrs. Baker met her husband at the door.
+
+"How is he?" was the Captain's first question.  "Better, hey?"
+
+"No," was the nervous answer.  "No, I don't think he is.  His
+throat's terrible sore and the fever's just as bad."
+
+Again Captain Hiram's conscience smote him.
+
+"Dear! dear!" he exclaimed.  "And I've been loafin' around the
+depot with Sol Berry and the rest of 'em instead of stayin' home
+with you, Sophrony.  I KNEW I was doin' wrong, but I didn't
+realize--"
+
+"Course you didn't, Hiram.  I'm glad you got a few minutes' rest,
+after bein' up with him half the night.  I do wish the doctor was
+home, though.  When will he be back?"
+
+"Not until late to-morrer, if then.  Did you keep on givin' the
+medicine?"
+
+"Yes, but it don't seem to do much good.  You go and set with him
+now, Hiram.  I must be seein' about supper."
+
+So into the sick room went Captain Hiram to sit beside the crib and
+sing "Sailor boy, sailor boy, 'neath the wild billow," as a
+lugubrious lullaby.
+
+Little Hiram Joash tossed and tumbled.  He was in a fitful slumber
+when Mrs. Baker called her husband to supper.  The meal was
+anything but a cheerful one.  They talked but little.  Over the
+home, ordinarily so cheerful, had settled a gloom that weighed upon
+them.
+
+"My! my!" sighed Captain Hiram, "how lonesome it seems without him
+chatterin' and racketin' sound.  Seems darker'n usual, as if there
+was a shadow on the place."
+
+"Hush, Hiram! don't talk that way.  A shadow!  Oh, WHAT made you
+say that?  Sounds like a warnin', almost."
+
+"Warnin'?"
+
+"Yes, a forewarnin', you know.  'The valley of the shadow--'"
+
+"HUSH!"  Captain Baker's face paled under its sunburn.  "Don't say
+such things, Sophrony.  If that happened, the Lord help you and me.
+But it won't--it won't.  We're nervous, that's all.  We're always
+so careful of Dusenberry, as if he was made out of thin china, that
+we get fidgety when there's no need of it.  We mustn't be foolish."
+
+After supper Mrs. Baker tiptoed into the bedroom.  She emerged with
+a very white face.
+
+"Hiram," she whispered, "he acts dreadful queer.  Come in and see
+him."
+
+The "first mate" was tossing back and forth in the crib, making odd
+little choky noises in his swollen throat.  When his father entered
+he opened his eyes, stared unmeaningly, and said: "'Tand by to det
+der ship under way."
+
+"Good Lord! he's out of his head," gasped the Captain.  Sophronia
+and he stepped back into the sitting room and looked at each other,
+the same thought expressed in the face of each.  Neither spoke for
+a moment, then Captain Hiram said:
+
+"Now don't you worry, Sophrony.  The Doctor ain't home, but I'm
+goin' out to--to telegraph him, or somethin'.  Keep a stiff upper
+lip.  It'll be all right.  God couldn't go back on you and me that
+way.  He just couldn't.  I'll be back in a little while."
+
+"But, oh, Hiram! if he should--if he SHOULD be taken away, what
+WOULD we do?"
+
+She began to cry.  Her husband laid a trembling hand on her
+shoulder.
+
+"But he won't," he declared stoutly.  "I tell you God wouldn't do
+such a thing.  Good-by, old lady.  I'll hurry fast as I can."
+
+As he took up his cap and turned to the door he heard the voice of
+the weary little first mate chokily calling his crew to quarters.
+"All hands on deck!"
+
+The telegraph office was in Beriah Higgins's store.  Thither ran
+the Captain.  Pat Sharkey, Mr. Higgins's Irish helper, who acted as
+telegraph operator during Gertie Higgins's absence, gave Captain
+Hiram little satisfaction.
+
+"How can I get Dr. Parker?" asked Pat.  "He's off on a cruise and
+land knows where I can reach him to-night.  I'll do what I can,
+Cap, but it's ten chances out of nine against a wire gettin' to
+him."
+
+Captain Hiram left the store, dodging questioners who were anxious
+to know what his trouble might be, and dazedly crossed Main Street,
+to the railway station.  He thought of asking advice of his friend,
+the depot master.
+
+The evening train from Boston pulled out as he passed through the
+waiting room.  One or two passengers were standing on the platform.
+One of these was a short, square-shouldered man with gray side
+whiskers and eyeglasses.  The initials on his suit case were J. S.
+M., Boston, and they stood for John Spencer Morgan.  If the bearer
+of the suit case had followed the fashion of the native princes of
+India and had emblazoned his titles upon his baggage, the
+commonplace name just quoted might have been followed by "M.D.,
+LL.D., at Harvard and Oxford; vice president American Medical
+Society; corresponding secretary Associated Society of Surgeons;
+lecturer at Harvard Medical College; author of 'Diseases of the
+Throat and Lungs,' etc., etc."
+
+But Dr. Morgan was not given to advertising either his titles or
+himself, and he was hurrying across the platform to Redny Blount's
+depot wagon when Captain Hiram touched him on the arm.
+
+"Why, hello, Captain Baker," exclaimed the Doctor, "how do you do?"
+
+"Dr. Morgan," said the Captain, "I--I hope you'll excuse my
+presumin' on you this way, but I want to ask a favor of you, a
+great favor.  I want to ask if you'll come down to the house and
+see the boy; he's on the sick list."
+
+"What, Dusenberry?"
+
+"Yes, sir.  He's pretty bad, I'm 'fraid, and the old lady's
+considerable upsot about him.  If you just come down and kind of
+take an observation, so's we could sort of get our bearin's, as you
+might say, 'twould be a mighty help to all hands."
+
+"But where's your town physician?  Hasn't he been called?"
+
+The Captain explained.  He had inquired, and he had telegraphed,
+but could get no word of Dr. Parker's whereabouts.
+
+The great Boston specialist listened to Captain Hiram's story in an
+absent-minded way.  Holidays were few and far between with him, and
+when he accepted the long-standing invitation of Mr. Ogden Williams
+to run down for the week end he determined to forget the science of
+medicine and all that pertained to it for the four days of his
+outing.  But an exacting patient had detained him long enough to
+prevent his taking the train that morning, and now, on the moment
+of his belated arrival, he was asked to pay a professional call.
+He liked the Captain, who had taken him out fishing several times
+on his previous excursions to East Harniss, and he remembered
+Dusenberry as a happy little sea urchin, but he simply couldn't
+interrupt his pleasure trip to visit a sick baby.  Besides, the
+child was Dr. Parker's patient, and professional ethics forbade
+interference.
+
+"Captain Hiram," he said, "I am sorry to disappoint you, but it
+will be impossible for me to do what you ask.  Mr. Williams
+expected me this morning, and I am late already.  Dr. Parker will,
+no doubt, return soon.  The baby cannot be dangerously ill or he
+would not have left him."
+
+The Captain slowly turned away.
+
+"Thank you, Doctor," he said huskily.  "I knew I hadn't no right to
+ask."
+
+He walked across the platform, abstractedly striking his right hand
+into his left.  When he reached the ticket window he put one hand
+against the frame as if to steady himself, and stood there
+listlessly.
+
+The enterprising Mr. Blount had been hanging about the Doctor like
+a cat about the cream pitcher; now he rushed up, grasped the suit
+case, and officiously led the way toward the depot wagon.  Dr.
+Morgan followed more slowly.  As he passed the Captain he glanced
+up into the latter's face, lighted, as it was, by the lamp inside
+the window.
+
+The Doctor stopped and looked again.  Then he took another step
+forward, hesitated, turned on his heel, and said:
+
+"Wait a moment, Blount.  Captain Hiram, do you live far from here?"
+
+The Captain started.  "No, sir, only a little ways."
+
+"All right.  I'll go down and look at this boy of yours.  Mind you,
+I'll not take the case, simply give my opinion on it, that's all.
+Blount, take my grip to Mr. Williams's.  I'm going to walk down
+with the Captain."
+
+
+"Haul on ee bowline, ee bowline, haul!" muttered the first mate, as
+they came into the room.  The lamp that Sophronia was holding
+shook, and the Captain hurriedly brushed his eyes with the back of
+his hand.
+
+Dr. Morgan started perceptibly as he bent forward to look at the
+little fevered face of Dusenberry.  Graver and graver he became as
+he felt the pulse and peered into the swollen throat.  At length he
+rose and led the way back into the sitting room.
+
+"Captain Baker," he said simply, "I must ask you and your wife to
+be brave.  The child has diphtheria and--"
+
+"Diphthery!" gasped Sophronia, as white as her best tablecloth.
+
+"Good Lord above!" cried the Captain.
+
+"Diphtheria," repeated the Doctor; "and, although I dislike
+extremely to criticize a member of my own profession, I must say
+that any physician should have recognized it."
+
+Sophronia groaned and covered her face with her apron.
+
+"Ain't there--ain't there no chance, Doctor?" gasped the Captain.
+
+"Certainly, there's a chance.  If I could administer antitoxin by
+to-morrow noon the patient might recover.  What time does the
+morning train from Boston arrive here?"
+
+"Ha'f-past ten or thereabouts."
+
+Dr. Morgan took his notebook from his pocket and wrote a few lines
+in pencil on one of the pages.  Then he tore out the leaf and
+handed it to the Captain.
+
+"Send that telegram immediately to my assistant in Boston," he
+said.  "It directs him to send the antitoxin by the early train.
+If nothing interferes it should be here in time."
+
+Captain Hiram took the slip of paper and ran out at the door
+bareheaded.
+
+Dr. Morgan stood in the middle of the floor absent-mindedly looking
+at his watch.  Sophronia was gazing at him appealingly.  At length
+he put his watch in his pocket and said quietly:
+
+"Mrs. Baker, I must ask you to give me a room.  I will take the
+case."  Then he added mentally: "And that settles my vacation."
+
+
+Dr. Morgan's assistant was a young man whom nature had supplied
+with a prematurely bald head, a flourishing beard, and a way of
+appearing ten years older than he really was.  To these gifts,
+priceless to a young medical man, might be added boundless ambition
+and considerable common sense.
+
+The yellow envelope which contained the few lines meaning life or
+death to little Hiram Joash Baker was delivered at Dr. Morgan's
+Back Bay office at ten minutes past ten.  Dr. Payson--that was the
+assistant's name--was out, but Jackson, the colored butler, took
+the telegram into his employer's office, laid it on the desk among
+the papers, and returned to the hall to finish his nap in the
+armchair.  When Dr. Payson came in, at 11:30, the sleepy Jackson
+forgot to mention the dispatch.
+
+The next morning as Jackson was cleaning the professional boots in
+the kitchen and chatting with the cook, the thought of the yellow
+envelope came back to his brain.  He went up the stairs with such
+precipitation that the cook screamed, thinking he had a fit.
+
+"Doctah! Doctah!" he exclaimed, opening the door of the assistant's
+chamber, "did you git dat telegraft I lef' on your desk las'
+night?"
+
+"What telegraph?" asked the assistant sleepily.  By way of answer
+Jackson hurried out and returned with the yellow envelope.  The
+assistant opened it and read as follows:
+
+
+Send 1,500 units Diphtheritic Serum to me by morning train.  Don't
+fail.  Utmost importance.
+
+J. S. MORGAN.
+
+
+Dr. Payson sprang out of bed, and running to the table took up the
+Railway Guide, turned to the pages devoted to the O. C. and C. C.
+Railroad and ran his finger down the printed tables.  The morning
+train for Cape Cod left at 7:10.  It was 6:45 at that moment.  As
+has been said, the assistant had considerable common sense.  He
+proved this by wasting no time in telling the forgetful Jackson
+what he thought of him.  He sent the latter after a cab and
+proceeded to dress in double-quick time.  Ten minutes later he was
+on his way to the station with the little wooden case containing
+the precious antitoxin, wrapped and addressed, in his pocket.
+
+It was seven by the Arlington Street Church clock as the cab
+rattled down Boylston Street.  A tangle of a trolley car and a
+market wagon delayed it momentarily at Harrison Avenue and Essex
+Street.  Dr. Payson, leaning out as the carriage swung into Dewey
+Square, saw by the big clock on the Union Station that it was 7:13.
+He had lost the train.
+
+Now, the assistant had been assistant long enough to know that
+excuses--in the ordinary sense of the word--did not pass current
+with Dr. Morgan.  That gentleman had telegraphed for antitoxin, and
+said it was important that he should have it; therefore, antitoxin
+must be sent in spite of time-tables and forgetful butlers.  Dr.
+Payson went into the waiting room and sat down to think.  After a
+moment's deliberation he went over to the ticket office and asked:
+
+"What is the first stop of the Cape Cod express?"
+
+"Brockboro," answered the ticket seller.
+
+"Is the train usually on time?"
+
+"Well, I should smile.  That's Charlie Mills's train, and the old
+man ain't been conductor on this road twenty-two years for
+nothin'."
+
+"Mills?  Does he live on Shawmut Avenue?"
+
+"Dunno.  Billy, where does Charlie Mills live?"
+
+"Somewhere at the South End.  Shawmut Avenue, I think."
+
+"Thank you," said the assistant, and, helping himself to a time-
+table, he went back rejoicing to his seat in the waiting room.  He
+had stumbled upon an unexpected bit of luck.
+
+There might be another story written in connection with this one;
+the story of a veteran railroad man whose daughter had been very,
+very ill with a dreaded disease of the lungs, and who, when other
+physicians had given up hope, had been brought back to health by a
+celebrated specialist of our acquaintance.  But this story cannot
+be told just now; suffice it to say that Conductor Charlie Mills
+had vowed that he would put his neck beneath the wheels of his own
+express train, if by so doing he could confer a favor on Dr. John
+Spencer Morgan.
+
+The assistant saw by his time-table that the Cape Cod express
+reached Brockboro at 8:05.  He went over to the telegraph office
+and wrote two telegrams.  The first read like this:
+
+
+CALVIN S. WISE, The People's Drug Store, 28 Broad Street,
+Brockboro, Mass.:
+
+Send package 1,500 units Diphtheritic Serum marked with my name to
+station.  Hand to Conductor Mills, Cape Cod express.  Train will
+wait.  Matter life and death.
+
+
+The second telegram was to Conductor Mills.  It read:
+
+
+Hold train Brockboro to await arrival C. A. Wise.  Great personal
+favor.  Very important.
+
+
+Both of these dispatches were signed with the magic name, "J. S.
+Morgan, M.D."
+
+"Well," said the assistant as he rode back to his office, "I don't
+know whether Wise will get the stuff to the train in time, or
+whether Mills will wait for him, but at any rate I've done my part.
+I hope breakfast is ready, I'm hungry."
+
+Mr. Wise, of "The People's Drug Store," had exactly two minutes in
+which to cover the three-quarters of a mile to the station.  As a
+matter of course, he was late.  Inquiring for Conductor Mills, he
+was met by a red-faced man in uniform, who, watch in hand, demanded
+what in the vale of eternal torment he meant by keeping him waiting
+eight minutes.
+
+"Do you realize," demanded the red-faced man, "that I'm liable to
+lose my job?  I'll have you to understand that if any other man
+than Doc. Morgan asked me to hold up the Cape Cod express, I'd tell
+him to go right plumb to--"
+
+Here Mr. Wise interrupted to hand over the package and explain that
+it was a matter of life and death.  Conductor Mills only grunted as
+he swung aboard the train.
+
+"Hump her, Jim," he said to the engineer; "she's got to make up
+those eight minutes."
+
+And Jim did.
+
+
+And so it happened that on the morning of the Fourth of July,
+Dusenberry's birthday, Captain Hiram Baker and his wife sat
+together in the sitting room, with very happy faces.  The Captain
+had in his hands the "truly boat with sails," which the little
+first mate had so ardently wished for.
+
+She was a wonder, that boat.  Red hull, real lead on the keel,
+brass rings on the masts, reef points on the main and fore sail,
+jib, flying jib and topsails, all complete.  And on the stern was
+the name, "Dusenberry.  East Harniss."
+
+Captain Hiram set her down in front of him on the floor.
+
+"Gee!" he exclaimed, "won't his eyes stick out when he sees that
+rig, hey?  Wisht he would be well enough to see it to-day, same as
+we planned."
+
+"Well, Hiram," said Sophrony, "we hadn't ought to complain.  We'd
+ought to be thankful he's goin' to get well at all.  Dr. Morgan
+says, thanks to that blessed toxing stuff, he'll be up and around
+in a couple of weeks."
+
+"Sophrony," said her husband, "we'll have a special birthday
+celebration for him when he gets all well.  You can bake the
+frosted cake and we'll have some of the other children in.  I TOLD
+you God wouldn't be cruel enough to take him away."
+
+And this is how Fate and the medical profession and the O. C. and
+C. C. Railroad combined to give little Hiram Joash Baker his
+birthday, and explains why, as he strolled down Main Street that
+afternoon, Captain Hiram was heard to sing heartily:
+
+
+     Haul on the bowline, the 'Phrony is a-rollin',
+     Haul on the bowline, the bowline, HAUL!
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+EFFIE'S FATE
+
+
+Surely, but very, very slowly, the little Berry house moved on its
+rollers up the Hill Boulevard.  Right at its heels--if a house may
+be said to have heels--came the "pure Colonial," under the guidance
+of the foreman with "progressive methods."  Groups of idlers, male
+and female, stood about and commented.  Simeon Phinney smilingly
+replied to their questions.  Captain Sol himself seemed little
+interested.  He spent most of his daylight time at the depot, only
+going to the Higginses' house for his meals.  At night, after the
+station was closed, he sought his own dwelling, climbed over the
+joist and rollers, entered, retired to his room, and went to bed.
+
+Each day also he grew more taciturn.  Even with Simeon, his
+particular friend, he talked little.
+
+"What IS the matter with you, Sol?" asked Mr. Phinney.  "You're as
+glum as a tongue-tied parrot.  Ain't you satisfied with the way I'm
+doin' your movin'?  The white horse can go back again if you say
+so."
+
+"I'm satisfied," grunted the depot master.  "Let you know when I've
+got any fault to find.  How soon will you get abreast the--abreast
+the Seabury lot?"
+
+"Let's see," mused the building mover.  "Today's the eighth.  Well,
+I'll be there by the eleventh, SURE.  Can't drag it out no longer,
+Sol, even if the other horse is took sick.  'Twon't do.  Williams
+has been complainin' to the selectmen and they're beginnin' to
+pester me.  As for that Colt and Adams foreman--whew!"
+
+He whistled.  His companion smiled grimly.
+
+"Williams himself drops in to see me occasional," he said.  "Tells
+me what he thinks of me, with all the trimmin's added.  I cal'late
+he gets as good as he sends.  I'm always glad to see him; he keeps
+me cheered up, in his way."
+
+"Ye-es, I shouldn't wonder.  Was he in to-day?"
+
+"He was.  And somethin' has pleased him, I guess.  At any rate he
+was in better spirits.  Asked me if I was goin' to move right onto
+that Main Street lot soon as my house got there."
+
+"What did you say?"
+
+"I said I was cal'latin' to.  Told him I hated to get out of the
+high-society circles I'd been livin' in lately, but that everyone
+had their comedowns in this world."
+
+"Ho, ho! that was a good one.  What answer did he make to that?"
+
+"Well, he said the 'high society' would miss me.  Then he finished
+up with a piece of advice.  'Berry,' says he, 'don't move onto that
+lot TOO quick.  I wouldn't if I was you.'  Then he went away,
+chucklin'."
+
+"Chucklin', hey?  What made him so joyful?"
+
+"Don't know"--Captain Sol's face clouded once more--"and I care
+less," he added brusquely.
+
+Simeon pondered.  "Have you heard from Abner Payne, Sol?" he asked.
+"Has Ab answered that letter you wrote sayin' you'd swap your lot
+for the Main Street one?"
+
+"No, he hasn't.  I wrote him that day I told you to move me."
+
+"Hum! that's kind of funny.  You don't s'pose--"
+
+He stopped, noticing the expression on his friend's face.  The
+depot master was looking out through the open door of the waiting
+room.  On the opposite side of the road, just emerging from Mr.
+Higgins's "general store," was Olive Edwards, the widow whose home
+was to be pulled down as soon as the "Colonial" reached its
+destination.  She came out of the store and started up Main Street.
+Suddenly, and as if obeying an involuntary impulse, she turned her
+head.  Her eyes met those of Captain Sol Berry, the depot master.
+For a brief instant their glance met, then Mrs. Edwards hurried on.
+
+Sim Phinney sighed pityingly.  "Looks kind of tired and worried,
+don't she?" he ventured.  His friend did not speak.
+
+"I say," repeated Phinney, "that Olive looks sort of worn out and--"
+
+"Has she heard from the Omaha cousin yet?" interrupted the depot
+master.
+
+"No; Mr. Hilton says not.  Sol, what DO you s'pose--"
+
+But Captain Sol had risen and gone into the ticket office.  The
+door closed behind him.  Mr. Phinney shook his head and walked out
+of the building.  On his way back to the scene of the house moving
+he shook his head several times.
+
+On the afternoon of the ninth Captain Bailey Stitt and his friend
+Wingate came to say good-by.  Stitt was going back to Orham on the
+"up" train, due at 3:3O.  Barzilla would return to Wellmouth and
+the Old Home House on the evening (the "down") train.
+
+"Hey, Sol!" shouted Wingate, as they entered the waiting room.
+"Sol! where be you?"
+
+The depot master came out of the ticket office.  "Hello, boys!" he
+said shortly.
+
+"Hello, Sol!" hailed Stitt.  "Barzilla and me have come to shed the
+farewell tear.  As hirelin's of soulless corporations, meanin' the
+Old Home House at Wellmouth and the Ocean House at Orham, we've
+engaged all the shellfish along-shore and are goin' to clear out."
+
+"Yes," chimed in his fellow "hireling," "and we thought the
+pleasantest place to put in our few remainin' hours--as the papers
+say when a feller's goin' to be hung--was with you."
+
+"I thought so," said Captain Bailey, with a wink.  "We've been
+havin' more or less of an argument, Sol.  Remember how Barzilla
+made fun of Jonadab Wixon for believin' in dreams?  Yes, well that
+was only make believe.  He believes in 'em himself."
+
+"I don't either," declared Wingate.  "And I never said so.  What I
+said was that sometimes it almost seemed as if there was somethin'
+IN fortune tellin' and such."
+
+"There is," chuckled Bailey with another wink at the depot master.
+"There's money in it--for the fortune tellers."
+
+"I said--and I say again," protested Barzilla, "that I knew a case
+at our hotel of a servant girl named Effie, and she--"
+
+"Oh, Heavens to Betsy!  Here he goes again, I steered him in here
+on purpose, Sol, so's he'd get off that subject."
+
+"You never neither.  You said--"
+
+The depot master held up his hand.  "Don't both talk at once," he
+commanded.  "Set down and be peaceful, can't you.  That's right.
+What about this Effie, Barzilla?"
+
+"Now look here!" protested Stitt.
+
+"Shut up, Bailey!  Who was Effie, Barzilla?"
+
+"She was third assistant roustabout and table girl at the Old Home
+House," said Wingate triumphantly.  "Got another cigar, Sol?
+Thanks.  Yes, this Effie had never worked out afore and she was
+greener'n a mess of spinach; but she was kind of pretty to look at
+and--"
+
+"Ah, ha!" crowed Captain Bailey, "here comes the heart confessions.
+Want to look out for these old bachelors, Sol.  Fire away,
+Barzilla; let us know the worst."
+
+"I took a fancy to her, in a way.  She got in the habit of tellin'
+me her troubles and secrets, me bein' old enough to be her dad--"
+
+"Aw, yes!" this from Stitt, the irrepressible.  "That's an old gag.
+We know--"
+
+"WILL you shut up?" demanded Captain Sol.  "Go on, Barzilla."
+
+"Me bein' old enough to be her dad," with a glare at Captain
+Bailey, "and not bein' too proud to talk with hired help.  I never
+did have that high-toned notion.  'Twa'n't so long since I was a
+fo'mast hand.
+
+"So Effie told me a lot about herself.  Seems she'd been over to
+the Cattle Show at Ostable one year, and she was loaded to the
+gunwale with some more or less facts that a fortune-tellin'
+specimen by the name of the 'Marvelous Oriental Seer' had handed
+her in exchange for a quarter.
+
+"'Yup,' says she, bobbin' her head so emphatic that the sky-blue
+ribbon pennants on her black hair flapped like a loose tops'l in a
+gale of wind.  'Yup,' says she, 'I b'lieve it just as much as I
+b'lieve anything.  How could I help it when he told me so much that
+has come true already?  He said I'd seen trouble, and the dear land
+knows that's so! and that I might see more, and I cal'late that's
+pretty average likely.  And he said I hadn't been brought up in
+luxury--'
+
+"'Which wa'n't no exaggeration neither,' I put in, thinkin' of the
+shack over on the Neck Road where she and her folks used to live.
+
+"'No,' says she; 'and he told me I'd always had longin's for better
+and higher things and that my intellectuals was above my station.
+Well, ever sence I was knee high to a kitchen chair I'd ruther work
+upstairs than down, and as for intellectuals, ma always said I was
+the smartest young one she'd raised yet.  So them statements give
+me consider'ble confidence.  But he give out that I was to make a
+journey and get money, and when THAT come true I held up both hands
+and stood ready to swaller all the rest of it.'
+
+"'So it come true, did it?' says I.
+
+"'Um-hm,' says she, bouncin' her head again.  'Inside of four year
+I traveled 'way over to South Eastboro--'most twelve mile--to my
+Uncle Issy's fun'ral, and there I found that he'd left me nine
+hundred dollars for my very own.  And down I flops on the parlor
+sofy and says I: "There! don't talk superstition to ME no more!  A
+person that can foretell Uncle Issy's givin' anybody a cent, let
+alone nine hundred dollars, is a good enough prophet for ME to tie
+to.  Now I KNOW that I'm going to marry the dark-complected man,
+and I'll be ready for him when he comes along.  I never spent a
+quarter no better than when I handed it over to that Oriental Seer
+critter at the Cattle Show."  That's what I said then and I b'lieve
+it yet.  Wouldn't you feel the same way?'
+
+"I said sure thing I would.  I'd found out that the best way to
+keep Effie's talk shop runnin' was to agree with her.  And I liked
+to hear her talk.
+
+"'Yup,' she went on, 'I give right in then.  I'd traveled same as
+the fortune teller said, and I'd got more money'n I ever expected
+to see, let alone own.  And ever sence I've been sartin as I'm
+alive that the feller I marry will be of a rank higher'n mine and
+dark complected and good-lookin' and distinguished, and that he'll
+be name of Butler.'
+
+"'Butler?' says I.  'What will he be named Butler for?'
+
+"''Cause the Seer critter said so.  He said he could see the word
+Butler printed out over the top of my head in flamin' letters.  Pa
+used to say 'twas a wonder it never set fire to my crimps, but he
+was only foolin'.  I know that it's all comin' out true.  You ain't
+acquaintanced to any Butlers, are you?'
+
+"'No,' says I.  'I heard Ben Butler make a speech once when he was
+gov'nor, but he's dead now.  There ain't no Butlers on the Old Home
+shippin' lists.'
+
+"'Oh, I know that!' she says.  'And everybody round here is
+homelier'n a moultin' pullet.  There now!  I didn't mean exactly
+EVERYbody, of course.  But you ain't dark complected, you know,
+nor--'
+
+"'No,' says I, 'nor rank nor distinguished neither.  Course the
+handsome part might fit me, but I'd have to pass on the rest of the
+hand.  That's all right, Effie; my feelin's have got fire-proofed
+sence I've been in the summer hotel business.  Now you'd better run
+along and report to Susannah.  I hear her whoopin' for you, and she
+don't light like a canary bird on the party she's mad with.'
+
+"She didn't, that was a fact.  Susannah Debs, who was housekeeper
+for us that year, was middlin' young and middlin' good-lookin', and
+couldn't forget it.  Also and likewise, she had a suit for damages
+against the railroad, which she had hopes would fetch her money
+some day or other, and she couldn't forget that neither.  She was
+skipper of all the hired hands and, bein' as Effie was prettier
+than she was, never lost a chance to lay the poor girl out.  She
+put the other help up to pokin' fun at Effie's green ways and high-
+toned notions, and 'twas her that started 'em callin' her 'Lady
+Evelyn' in the fo'castle--servants' quarters, I mean.
+
+"'I'm a-comin', 'screams Effie, startin' for the door.  'Susannah's
+in a tearin' hurry to get through early to-day,' she adds to me.
+'She's got the afternoon off, and her beau's comin' to take her
+buggy ridin'.  He's from over Harniss way somewheres and they say
+he's just lovely.  My sakes! I wisht somebody'd take ME to ride.
+Ah hum! cal'late I'll have to wait for my Butler man.  Say, Mr.
+Wingate, you won't mention my fortune to a soul, will you?  I never
+told anybody but you.'
+
+"I promised to keep mum and she cleared out.  After dinner, as I
+was smokin', along with Cap'n Jonadab, on the side piazza, a horse
+and buggy drove in at the back gate.  A young chap with black curly
+hair was pilotin' the craft.  He was a stranger to me, wore a
+checkerboard suit and a bonfire necktie, and had his hat twisted
+over one ear.  Altogether he looked some like a sunflower goin' to
+seed.
+
+"'Who's that barber's sign when it's to home?' says I to Jonadab.
+He snorted contemptuous.
+
+"'That?' he says.  'Don't you know the cut of that critter's jib?
+He plays pool "for the house" in Web Saunders's place over to
+Orham.  He's the housekeeper's steady comp'ny--steady by spells, if
+all I hear's true.  Good-for-nothin' cub, I call him.  Wisht I'd
+had him aboard a vessel of mine; I'd 'a' squared his yards for him.
+Look how he cants his hat to starboard so's to show them lovelocks.
+Bah!'
+
+"'What's his name?' I asks.
+
+"'Name?  Name's Butler--Simeon Butler.  Don't you remember . . .
+Hey?  What in tunket. . .?'
+
+"Both of us had jumped as if somebody'd touched off a bombshell
+under our main hatches.  The windows of the dining room was right
+astern of us.  We whirled round, and there was Effie.  She'd been
+clearin' off one of the tables and there she stood, with the
+smashed pieces of an ice-cream platter in front of her, the melted
+cream sloppin' over her shoes, and her face lookin' like the
+picture of Lot's wife just turnin' to salt.  Only Effie looked as
+if she enjoyed the turnin'.  She never spoke nor moved, just stared
+after that buggy with her black eyes sparklin' like burnt holes in
+a blanket.
+
+"I was too astonished to say anything, but Jonadab had his eye on
+that smashed platter and HE had things to say, plenty of 'em.  I
+walked off and left Effie playin' congregation to a sermon on the
+text 'Crockery costs money.'  You'd think that ice-cream dish was a
+genuine ugly, nicked 'antique' wuth any city loon's ten dollars,
+instead of bein' only new and pretty fifty-cent china.  I felt real
+sorry for the poor girl.
+
+"But I needn't have been.  That evenin' I found her on the back
+steps, all Sunday duds and airs.  Her hair had a wire friz on it,
+and her dress had Joseph's coat in Scriptur' lookin' like a
+mournin' rig.  She'd have been real handsome--to a body that was
+color blind.
+
+"'My, Effie!' says I, 'you sartin do look fine to-night.'
+
+"'Yup,' she says, contented, 'I guess likely I do.  Hope so, 'cause
+I'm wearin' all I've got.  Say, Mr. Wingate,' says she, excited as
+a cat in a fit, 'did you see him?'
+
+"'Him?' says I.  'Who's him?'
+
+"'Why, HIM!  The one the Seer said was comin'.  The handsome, dark-
+complected feller I'm goin' to marry.  The Butler one.  That was
+him in the buggy this afternoon.'
+
+"I looked at her.  I'd forgot all about the fool prophecy.
+
+"'Good land of love!' I says.  'You don't cal'late he's comin' to
+marry YOU, do you, just 'cause his name's Butler?  There's ten
+thousand Butlers in the world.  Besides, your particular one was
+slated to be high ranked and distinguished, and this specimen
+scrubs up the billiard-room floor and ain't no more distinguished
+than a poorhouse pig.'
+
+"'Ain't?' she sings out.  'Ain't distinguished?  With all them
+beautiful curls, and rings on his fingers, and--'
+
+"'Bells on his toes?  No!' says I, emphatic.  'Anyhow, he's signed
+for the v'yage already.  He's Susannah Debs's steady, and they're
+off buggy ridin' together right now.  And if she catches you makin'
+eyes at her best feller--Whew!'
+
+"Didn't make no difference.  He was her Butler, sure.  'Twas Fate--
+that's what 'twas--Fate, just the same as in storybooks.  She was
+sorry for poor Susannah and she wouldn't do nothin' mean nor
+underhanded; but couldn't I understand that 'twas all planned out
+for her by Providence and that everlastin' Seer?  Just let me watch
+and see, that's all.
+
+"What can you do with an idiot like that?  I walked off disgusted
+and left her.  But I cal'lated to watch.  I judged 'twould be more
+fun than any 'play-actin' show ever I took in.
+
+"And 'twas, in a way.  Don't ask me how they got acquainted, 'cause
+I can't tell you for sartin.  Nigh's I can learn, Susannah and Sim
+had some sort of lover's row durin' their buggy ride, and when they
+got back to the hotel they was scurcely on speakin' terms.  And
+Sim, who always had a watch out for'ard for pretty girls, see Effie
+standin' on the servants' porch all togged up regardless and gay as
+a tea-store chromo, and nothin' to do but he must be introduced.
+One of the stable hands done the introducin', I b'lieve, and if
+he'd have been hung afterwards 'twould have sarved him right.
+
+"Anyhow, inside of a week Butler come round again to take a lady
+friend drivin', but this time 'twas Effie, not the housekeeper,
+that was passenger.  And Susannah glared after 'em like a cat after
+a sparrow, and the very next day she was for havin' Effie
+discharged for incompetentiveness.  I give Jonadab the tip, though,
+so that didn't go through.  But I cal'late there was a parrot and
+monkey time among the help from then on.
+
+"They all sided with Susannah, of course.  She was their boss, for
+one thing, and 'Lady Evelyn's' high-minded notions wa'n't popular,
+for another.  But Effie didn't care--bless you, no!  She and that
+Butler sport was together more and more, and the next thing I heard
+was that they was engaged.  I snum, if it didn't look as if the
+Oriental man knew his job after all.
+
+"I spoke to the stable hand about it.
+
+"'Look here,' says I, 'is this business betwixt that pool player
+and our Effie serious?'
+
+"He laughed.  'Serious enough, I guess,' he says.  'They're goin'
+to be married pretty soon, I hear.  It's all 'cordin' to the law
+and the prophets.  Ain't you heard about the fortune tellin' and
+how 'twas foretold she'd marry a Butler?'
+
+"I'd heard, but I didn't s'pose he had.  However, it seemed that
+Effie hadn't been able to keep it to herself no longer.  Soon as
+she'd hooked her man she'd blabbed the whole thing.  The fo'mast
+hands wa'n't talkin' of nothin' else, so this feller said.
+
+"'Humph!' says I.  'Is it the prophecy that Butler's bankin' on?'
+
+"He laughed again.  'Not so much as on Lady Evelyn's nine hundred,
+I cal'late,' says he.  Sim likes Susannah the best of the two, so
+we all reckon, but she ain't rich and Effie is.  And yet, if the
+Debs woman should win that lawsuit of hers against the railroad
+she'd have pretty nigh twice as much.  Butler's a fool not to wait,
+I think,' he says.
+
+"This was of a Monday.  On Friday evenin' Effie comes around to see
+me.  I was alone in the office.
+
+"'Mr. Wingate,' she says, 'I'm goin' to leave to-morrer night.  I'm
+goin' to be married on Sunday.'
+
+"I'd been expecting it, but I couldn't help feelin' sorry for her.
+
+"'Don't do nothin' rash, Effie,' I told her.  'Are you sure that
+Butler critter cares anything about you and not your money?'
+
+"She flared up like a tar barrel.  'The idea!' she says, turnin'
+red.  'I just come in to give you warnin'.  Good-by.'
+
+"'Hold on,' I sung out to her.  'Effie, I've thought consider'ble
+about you lately.  I've been tryin' to help you a little on the
+sly.  I realized that 'twa'n't pleasant for you workin' here under
+Susannah Debs, and I've been tryin' to find a nice place for you.
+I wrote about you to Bob Van Wedderburn; he's the rich banker chap
+who stopped here one summer.  "Jonesy," we used to call him.  I
+know him and his wife fust rate, and he'd do 'most anything as a
+favor to me.  I told him what a neat, handy girl you was, and he
+writes that he'll give you the job of second girl at his swell New
+York house, if you want it.  Now you just hand that Sim Butler his
+clearance papers and go work for Bob's wife.  The wages are double
+what you get here, and--'
+
+"She didn't wait to hear the rest.  Just sailed out of the room
+with her nose in the air.  In a minute, though, back she come and
+just put her head in the door.
+
+"'I'm much obliged to you, Mr. Wingate,' says she.  'I know you
+mean well.  But you ain't had your fate foretold, same's I have.
+It's all been arranged for me, and I couldn't stop it no more'n
+Jonah could help swallerin' the whale.  I--I kind of wish you'd be
+on hand at the back door on Sunday mornin' when Simeon comes to
+take me away.  You--you're about the only real friend I've got,'
+she says.
+
+"And off she went, for good this time.  I pitied her, in spite of
+her bein' such a dough head.  I knew what sort of a husband that
+pool-room shark would make.  However, there wa'n't nothin' to be
+done.  And next day Cap'n Jonadab was round, madder'n a licked pup.
+Seems Susannah's lawyer at Orham had sent for her to come right off
+and see him.  Somethin' about the suit, it was.  And she was goin'
+in spite of everything.  And with Effie's leavin' at the same time,
+what was we goin' to do over Sunday? and so forth and so on.
+
+"Well, we had to do the best we could, that's all.  But that
+Saturday was busy, now I tell you.  Sunday mornin' broke fine and
+clear and, after breakfast was over, I remembered Effie and that
+'twas her weddin' day.  On the back steps I found her, dressed in
+all her grandeur, with her packed trunk ready, waitin' for the
+bridegroom.
+
+"'Ain't come yet, hey, Effie?' says I.
+
+"'No,' says she, smilin' and radiant.  'It's a little early for him
+yet, I guess.'
+
+"I went off to 'tend to the boarders.  At half past ten, when I
+made the back steps again, she was still there.  T'other servants
+was peekin' out of the kitchen windows, grinnin' and passin'
+remarks.
+
+"'Hello!' I calls out.  'Not married yet?  What's the matter?'
+
+"She'd stopped smilin', but she was as chipper as ever, to all
+appearances.
+
+"'I--I guess the horse has gone lame or somethin',' says she.
+'He'll be here any time now.'
+
+"There was a cackle from the kitchen windows.  I never said
+nothin'.  She'd made her nest; now let her roost on it.
+
+"But at twelve Butler hadn't hove in sight.  Every hand, male and
+female, on the place, that wa'n't busy, was hangin' around the back
+of the hotel, waitin' and watchin' and ridiculin' and havin' a high
+time.  Them that had errands made it a p'int to cruise past that
+way.  Lots of the boarders had got wind of the doin's, and they was
+there, too.
+
+"Effie was settin' on her trunk, tryin' hard to look brave.  I went
+up and spoke to her.
+
+"'Come, my girl,' says I.  'Don't set here no longer.  Come into
+the house and wait.  Hadn't you better?'
+
+"'No!' says she, loud and defiant like.  'No, sir!  It's all right.
+He's a little late, that's all.  What do you s'pose I care for a
+lot of jealous folks like those up there?' wavin' her flipper
+scornful toward the kitchen.
+
+"And then, all to once, she kind of broke down, and says to me,
+with a pitiful sort of choke in her voice:
+
+"'Oh, Mr. Wingate!  I can't stand this.  Why DON'T he come?'
+
+"I tried hard to think of somethin' comfortin' to say, but afore I
+could h'ist a satisfyin' word out of my hatches I heard the noise
+of a carriage comin'.  Effie heard it, too, and so did everybody
+else.  We all looked toward the gate.  'Twas Sim Butler, sure
+enough, in his buggy and drivin' the same old horse; but settin'
+alongside of him on the seat was Susannah Debs, the housekeeper.
+And maybe she didn't look contented with things in gen'ral!
+
+"Butler pulled up his horse by the gate.  Him and Susannah bowed to
+all hands.  Nobody said anything for a minute.  Then Effie bounced
+off the trunk and down them steps.
+
+"'Simmie ' she sung out, breathless like, 'Simeon Butler, what does
+this mean?'
+
+"The Debs woman straightened up on the seat.  'Thank you, marm,'
+says she, chilly as the top section of an ice chest, 'I'll request
+you not to call my husband by his first name.'
+
+"It was so still you could have heard yourself grow.  Effie turned
+white as a Sunday tablecloth.
+
+"'Your--husband?' she gasps.  'Your--your HUSBAND?'
+
+"'Yes, marm,' purrs the housekeeper.  'My husband was what I said.
+Mr. Butler and me have just been married.'
+
+"'Sorry, Effie, old girl,' puts in Butler, so sassy I'd love to
+have preached his fun'ral sermon.  'Too bad, but fust love's
+strongest, you know.  Susie and me was engaged long afore you come
+to town.'
+
+"THEN such a haw-haw and whoop bust from the kitchen and fo'castle
+as you never heard.  For a jiffy poor Effie wilted right down.
+Then she braced up and her black eyes snapped.
+
+"'I wish you joy of your bargain, marm,' says she to Susannah.
+'You'd ought to be proud of it.  And as for YOU,' she says,
+swingin' round toward the rest of the help, 'I--'
+
+"'How 'bout that prophet?' hollers somebody.
+
+"'Three cheers for the Oriental!' bellers somebody else.
+
+"'When you marry the right Butler fetch him along and let us see
+him!' whoops another.
+
+"She faced 'em all, and I gloried in her spunk.
+
+"'When I marry him I WILL come back,' says she.  'And when I do
+you'll have to get down on your knees and wait on me.  You--and
+you--  Yes, and YOU, too!'
+
+"The last two 'yous' was hove at Sim and Susannah.  Then she turned
+and marched into the hotel.  And the way them hired hands carried
+on was somethin' scandalous--till I stepped in and took charge of
+the deck.
+
+"That very afternoon I put Effie and her trunk aboard the train.  I
+paid her fare to New York and give her directions how to locate the
+Van Wedderburns.
+
+"'So long, Effie,' says I to her.  'It's all right.  You're enough
+sight better off.  All you want to do now is to work hard and
+forget all that fortune-tellin' foolishness.'
+
+"She whirled on me like a top.
+
+"'Forget it!' she says.  'I GUESS I shan't forget it!  It's comin'
+true, I tell you--same as all the rest come true.  You said
+yourself there was ten thousand Butlers in the world.  Some day the
+right one--the handsome, high-ranked, distinguished one--will come
+along, and I'll get him.  You wait and see, Mr. Wingate--just you
+wait and see.'"
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+THE "HERO" AND THE COWBOY
+
+
+"So that was the end of it, hey?" said Captain Bailey.  "Well, it's
+what you might expect, but it wa'n't much to be so anxious to tell;
+and as for PROVIN' anything about fortune tellin'--why--"
+
+"It AIN'T the end," shouted the exasperated Barzilla.  "Not nigh
+the end.  'Twas the beginnin'.  The housekeeper left us that day,
+of course, and for the rest of that summer the servant question
+kept me and Jonadab from thinkin' of other things.  Course, the
+reason for the Butler scamp's sudden switch was plain enough.
+Susannah's lawyer had settled the case with the railroad and, even
+after his fee was subtracted, there was fifteen hundred left.  That
+was enough sight better'n nine hundred, so Sim figgered when he
+heard of it; and he hustled to make up with his old girl.
+
+"Fifteen hundred dollars doesn't last long with some folks.  At the
+beginnin' of the next spring season both of 'em was round huntin'
+jobs.  Susannah was a fust-rate waitress, so we hired her for that--
+no more housekeeper for hers, and served her right.  As for her
+husband, we took him on in the stable.  He wouldn't have been wuth
+his salt if it hadn't been for her.  She said she'd keep him movin'
+and she did.  She nagged and henpecked him till I'd have been sorry
+if 'twas anybody else; as 'twas, I got consider'ble satisfaction
+out of it.
+
+"I got one letter from Effie pretty soon after she left, sayin' she
+liked her new job and that the Van Wedderburns liked her.  And
+that's all I did hear, though Bob himself wrote me in May, sayin'
+him and Mabel, his wife, had bought a summer cottage in Wapatomac,
+and me and Jonadab--especially me--must be sure and come to see it
+and them.  He never mentioned his second girl, and I almost forgot
+her myself.
+
+"But one afternoon in early July a big six-cylinder automobile come
+sailin' down the road and into the Old Home House yard.  A shofer--
+I b'lieve that's what they call the tribe--was at the helm of it,
+and on the back seat, lollin' luxurious against the upholstery, was
+a man and a woman, got up regardless in silk dusters and goggles
+and veils and prosperity.  I never expect to see the Prince of
+Wales and his wife, but I know how they'd look--after seein' them
+two.
+
+"Jonadab was at the bottom step to welcome 'em, bowin' and scrapin'
+as if his middle j'int had just been iled.  I wa'n't fur astern,
+and every boarder on deck was all eyes and envy.
+
+"The shofer opens the door of the after cockpit of the machine, and
+the man gets out fust, treadin' gingerly but grand, as if he was
+doin' the ground a condescension by steppin' on it.  Then he turns
+to the woman and she slides out, her duds rustlin' like the wind in
+a scrub oak.  The pair sails up the steps, Jonadab and me backin'
+and fillin' in front of 'em.  All the help that could get to a
+window to peek had knocked off work to do it.
+
+"'Ahem!' says the man, pompous as Julius Caesar--he was big and
+straight and fine lookin' and had black side whiskers half mast on
+his cheeks--ahem!' says he.  'I say, good people, may we have
+dinner here?'
+
+"Well, they tell us time and tide waits for no man, but prob'ly
+that don't include the nobility.  Anyhow, although 'twas long past
+our reg'lar dinner time, I heard Jonadab tellin' 'em sure and
+sartin they could.  If they wouldn't mind settin' on the piazza or
+in the front parlor for a spell, he'd have somethin' prepared in a
+jiffy.  So up to the piazza they paraded and come to anchor in a
+couple of chairs.
+
+"'You can have your automobile put right into the barn,' I says,
+'if you want to.'
+
+"'I don't know as it will be necessary--' began the big feller, but
+the woman interrupted him.  She was starin' through her thick veil
+at the barn door.  Sim Butler, in his overalls and ragged shirt
+sleeves, was leanin' against that door, interested as the rest of
+us in what was goin' on.
+
+"'I would have it put there, I think,' says the woman, lofty and
+superior.  'It is rather dusty, and I think the wheels ought to be
+washed.  Can that man be trusted to wash 'em?' she asks, pointin'
+kind of scornful at Simeon.
+
+"'Yes, marm, I cal'late so,' I says.  'Here, Sim!' I sung out,
+callin' Butler over to the steps.  'Can you wash the dust off them
+wheels?'
+
+"He said course he could, but he didn't act joyful over the job.
+The woman seemed some doubtful.
+
+"'He looks like a very ignorant, common person,' says she, loud and
+clear, so that everybody, includin' the 'ignorant person' himself,
+could hear her.  'However, James'll superintend.  James,' she
+orders the shofer, 'you see that it is well done, won't you?  Make
+him be very careful.'
+
+"James looked Butler over from head to foot.  'Humph!' he sniffs,
+contemptuous, with a kind of half grin on his face.  'Yes, marm,
+I'll 'tend to it.'
+
+"So he steered the auto into the barn, and Simeon got busy.
+Judgin' by the sharp language that drifted out through the door,
+'twas plain that the shofer was superintendin' all right.
+
+"Jonadab heaves in sight, bowin', and makes proclamation that
+dinner is served.  The pair riz up majestic and headed for the
+dinin' room.  The woman was a little astern of her man, and in the
+hall she turns brisk to me.
+
+"'Mr. Wingate,' she whispers, 'Mr. Wingate.'
+
+"I stared at her.  Her voice had sounded sort of familiar ever
+sence I heard it, but the veil kept a body from seein' what she
+looked like.
+
+"'Hey?' I sings out.  'Have I ever--'
+
+"'S-s-h-h!' she whispers.  'Say, Mr. Wingate, that--that Susannah
+thing is here, ain't she?  Have her wait on us, will you, please?'
+
+"And she swept the veil off her face.  I choked up and staggered
+bang! against the wall.  I swan to man if it wa'n't Effie!  EFFIE,
+in silks and automobiles and gorgeousness!
+
+"Afore I could come to myself the two of 'em marched into that
+dining room.  I heard a grunt and a 'Land of love!' from just ahead
+of me.  That was Jonadab.  And from all around that dinin' room
+come a sort of gasp and then the sound of whisperin'.  That was the
+help.
+
+"They took a table by the window, which had been made ready.  Down
+they set like a king and a queen perchin' on thrones.  One of the
+waiter girls went over to em.
+
+"But I'd come out of my trance a little mite.  The situation was
+miles ahead of my brain, goodness knows, but the joke of it all was
+gettin' a grip on me.  I remembered what Effie had asked and I
+spoke up prompt.
+
+"'Susannah,' says I, 'this is a particular job and we're anxious to
+please.  You'd better do the waitin' yourself.'
+
+"I wish you could have seen the glare that ex-housekeeper give me.
+For a second I thought we'd have open mutiny.  But her place wa'n't
+any too sartin and she didn't dare risk it.  Over she walked to
+that table, and the fun began.
+
+"Jonadab had laid himself out to make that meal a success, but they
+ate it as if 'twas pretty poor stuff and not by no means what they
+fed on every day.  They found fault with 'most everything, but most
+especial with Susannah's waitin'.  My! how they did order her
+around--a mate on a cattle boat wa'n't nothin' to it.  And when
+'twas all over and they got up to go, Effie says, so's all hands
+can hear:
+
+"'The food here is not so bad, but the service--oh, horrors!
+However, Albert,' says she to the side-whiskered man, 'you had
+better give the girl our usual tip.  She looks as if she needed it,
+poor thing!'
+
+"Then they paraded out of the room, and I see Susannah sling the
+half dollar the man had left on the table clear to Jericho, it
+seemed like.
+
+"The auto was waitin' by the piazza steps.  The shofer and Butler
+was standin' by it.  And when Sim see Effie with her veil throwed
+back he pretty nigh fell under the wheels he'd been washin' so
+hard.  And he looked as if he wisht they'd run over him.
+
+"'Oh, dear!' sighs Effie, lookin' scornful at the wheels.  'Not
+half clean, just as I expected.  I knew by the looks of that--that
+PERSON that he wouldn't do it well.  Don't give him much, Albert;
+he ain't earned it.'
+
+"They climbed into the cockpit, the shofer took the helm, and they
+was ready to start.  But I couldn't let 'em go that way.  Out I
+run.
+
+"'Say--say, Effie!' I whispers, eager.  'For the goodness' sakes,
+what's all this mean?  Is that your--your--'
+
+"'My husband?  Yup,' she whispers back, her eyes shinin'.  'Didn't
+I tell you to look out for my prophecy?  Ain't he handsome and
+distinguished, just as I said?  Good-by, Mr. Wingate; maybe I'll
+see you again some day.'
+
+"The machinery barked and they got under way.  I run along for two
+steps more.
+
+"'But, Effie,' says I, 'tell me--is his name--?'
+
+"She didn't answer.  She was watchin' Sim Butler and his wife.  Sim
+had stooped to pick up the quarter the Prince of Wales had hove at
+him.  And that was too much for Susannah, who was watchin' from the
+window.
+
+"'Don't you touch that money!' she screams.  'Don't you lay a
+finger on it!  Ain't you got any self-respect at all, you
+miser'ble, low-lived--' and so forth and so on.  All the way to the
+front gate I see Effie leanin' out, lookin' and listenin' and
+smilin'.
+
+"Then the machine buzzed off in a typhoon of dust and I went back
+to Jonadab, who was a livin' catechism of questions which neither
+one of us could answer."
+
+"So THAT'S the end!" exclaimed Captain Bailey.  "Well--"
+
+"No, it ain't the end--not even yet.  Maybe it ought to be, but it
+ain't.  There's a little more of it.
+
+"A fortni't later I took a couple of days off and went up to
+Wapatomac to visit the Van Wedderburns, same as I'd promised.
+Their 'cottage' was pretty nigh big enough for a hotel, and was so
+grand that I, even if I did have on my Sunday frills, was 'most
+ashamed to ring the doorbell.
+
+"But I did ring it, and the feller that opened the door was big and
+solemn and fine lookin' and had side whiskers.  Only this time he
+wore a tail coat with brass buttons on it.
+
+"How do you do, Mr. Wingate?' says he.  Step right in, sir, if you
+please.  Mr. and Mrs. Van Wedderburn are out in the auto, but
+they'll be back shortly, and very glad to see you, sir, I'm sure.
+Let me take your grip and hat.  Step right into the reception room
+and wait, if you please, sir.  Perhaps,' he says, and there was a
+twinkle in his port eye, though the rest of his face was sober as
+the front door of a church, 'perhaps,' says he, 'you might wish to
+speak with my wife a moment.  I'll take the liberty of sendin' her
+to you, sir.'
+
+"So, as I sat on the gunwale of a blue and gold chair, tryin' to
+settle whether I was really crazy or only just dreamin', in bounces
+Effie, rigged up in a servant's cap and apron.  She looked polite
+and demure, but I could see she was just bubblin' with the joy of
+the whole bus'ness.
+
+"'Effie,' says I, 'Effie, what--what in the world--?'
+
+"She giggled.  'Yup,' she says, 'I'm chambermaid here and they
+treat me fine.  Thank you very much for gettin' me the situation.'
+
+"'But--but them doin's the other day?  That automobile--and them
+silks and satins--and--?'
+
+"'Mr. Van Wedderburn lent 'em to me,' she said, 'him an' his wife.
+And he lent us the auto and the shofer, too.  I told him about my
+troubles at the Old Home House and he thought 'twould be a great
+joke for me to travel back there like a lady.  He's awful fond of a
+joke--Mr. Van Wedderburn is.'
+
+"'But that man?' I gasps.  'Your husband?  That's what you said he
+was.'
+
+"'Yes,' says she, 'he is.  We've been married 'most six months now.
+My prophecy's all come true.  And DIDN'T I rub it in on that
+Susannah Debs and her scamp of a Sim?  Ho! ho!'
+
+"She clapped her hands and pretty nigh danced a jig, she was so
+tickled.
+
+"'But is he a Butler?' I asks.
+
+"'Yup,' she nods, with another giggle.  'He's A butler, though his
+name's Jenkins; and a butler's high rank--higher than chambermaid,
+anyhow.  You see, Mr. Wingate,' she adds, ''twas all my fault.
+When that Oriental Seer man at the show said I was to marry a
+butler, I forgot to ask him whether you spelt it with a big B or a
+little one.'"
+
+The unexpected manner in which Effie's pet prophecy had been
+fulfilled amused Captain Sol immensely.  He laughed so heartily
+that Issy McKay looked in at the door with an expression of alarm
+on his face.  The depot master had laughed little during the past
+few days, and Issy was surprised.
+
+But Captain Stitt was ready with a denial.  He claimed that the
+prophecy was NOT fulfilled and therefore all fortune telling was
+fraudulent.  Barzilla retorted hotly, and the argument began again.
+The two were shouting at each other.  Captain Sol stood it for a
+while and then commanded silence.
+
+"Stop your yellin'!" he ordered.  "What ails you fellers?  Think
+you can prove it better by screechin'?  They can hear you half a
+mile.  There's Cornelius Rowe standin' gawpin' on the other side of
+the street this minute.  He thinks there's a fire or a riot, one or
+t'other.  Let's change the subject.  See here, Bailey, didn't you
+start to tell us somethin' last time you was in here about your
+ridin' in an automobile?"
+
+"I started to--yes.  But nobody'd listen.  I rode in one and I
+sailed in one.  You see--"
+
+"I'm goin' outdoor," declared Barzilla.
+
+"No, you're not.  Bailey listened to you.  Now you do as much for
+him.  I heard a little somethin' about the affair at the time it
+happened and I'd like to hear the rest of it.  How was it, Bailey?"
+
+Captain Stitt knocked the ashes from his pipe.
+
+"Well," he began, "I didn't know the critter was weak in his top
+riggin' or I wouldn't have gone with him in the fust place.  And he
+wa'n't real loony, nuther.  'Twas only when he got aboard that--
+that ungodly, kerosene-smellin', tootin', buzzin', Old Harry's
+gocart of his that the craziness begun to show.  There's so many of
+them weak-minded city folks from the Ocean House comes perusin'
+'round summers, nowadays, that I cal'lated he was just an average
+specimen, and never examined him close."
+
+"Are all the Ocean House boarders weak-minded nowadays?" asked the
+depot master.
+
+Mr. Wingate answered the question.
+
+"My land!" he snapped; "would they board at the Ocean House if they
+WA'N'T weak-minded?"
+
+Captain Bailey did not deign to reply to this jibe.  He continued
+calmly:
+
+"This feller wa'n't an Ocean Houser, though.  He was young
+Stumpton's automobile skipper-shover, or shofer, or somethin' they
+called him.  He answered to the hail of Billings, and his home port
+was the Stumpton ranch, 'way out in Montana.  He'd been here in
+Orham only a couple of weeks, havin' come plumb across the United
+States to fetch his boss the new automobile.  You see, 'twas early
+October.  The Stumptons had left their summer place on the Cliff
+Road, and was on their way South for the winter.  Young Stumpton
+was up to Boston, but he was comin' back in a couple of days, and
+then him and the shover was goin' automobilin' to Florida.  To
+Florida, mind you!  In that thing!  If it was me I'd buy my ticket
+to Tophet direct and save time and money.
+
+"Well, anyhow, this critter Billings, he ain't never smelt salt
+water afore, and he don't like the smell.  He makes proclamations
+that Orham is nothin' but sand, slush, and soft drinks.  He won't
+sail, he can't swim, he won't fish; but he's hankerin' to shoot
+somethin', havin' been brought up in a place where if you don't
+shoot some of the neighbors every day or so folks think you're
+stuck up and dissociable.  Then somebody tells him it's the duckin'
+season down to Setuckit P'int, and he says he'll spend his day off,
+while the boss is away, massycreein' the coots there.  This same
+somebody whispers that I know so much about ducks that I quack when
+I talk, and he comes cruisin' over in the buzz cart to hire me for
+guide.  And--would you b'lieve it?--it turns out that he's
+cal'latin' to make his duckin' v'yage in that very cart.  I was for
+makin' the trip in a boat, like a sensible man, but he wouldn't
+hear of it.
+
+"'Land of love!' says I.  'Go to Setuckit in a automobile?'
+
+"'Why not?' he says.  'The biscuit shooter up at the hotel tells me
+there's a smart chance of folks goes there a-horseback.  And where
+a hoss can travel I reckon the old gal here'--slappin' the thwart
+of the auto alongside of him--'can go, too!'
+
+"'But there's the Cut-through,' says I.
+
+"''Tain't nothin' but a creek when the freshet's over, they tell
+me,' says he.  'And me and the boss have forded four foot of river
+in this very machine.'
+
+"By the 'freshet' bein' over I judged he meant the tide bein' out.
+And the Cut-through ain't but a little trickle then, though it's a
+quarter mile wide and deep enough to float a schooner at high
+water.  It's the strip of channel that makes Setuckit Beach an
+island, you know.  The gov'ment has had engineers down dredgin' of
+it out, and pretty soon fish boats'll be able to save the twenty-
+mile sail around the P'int and into Orham Harbor at all hours.
+
+"Well, to make a long story short, I agreed to let him cart me to
+Setuckit P'int in that everlastin' gas carryall.  We was to start
+at four o'clock in the afternoon, 'cause the tide at the Cut-
+through would be dead low at half-past four.  We'd stay overnight
+at my shanty at the P'int, get up airly, shoot all day, and come
+back the next afternoon.
+
+"At four prompt he was on hand, ready for me.  I loaded in the guns
+and grub and one thing or 'nother, and then 'twas time for me to
+get aboard myself.
+
+"'You'll set in the tonneau,' says he, indicatin' the upholstered
+after cockpit of the concern.  I opened up the shiny hatch, under
+orders from him, and climbed in among the upholstery.  'Twas soft
+as a feather bed.
+
+"'Jerushy!' says I, lollin' back luxurious.  This is fine, ain't
+it?'
+
+"'Cost seventy-five hundred to build,' he says casual.  'Made to
+order for the boss.  Lightest car of her speed ever turned out.'
+
+"'Go 'way!  How you talk!  Seventy-five hundred what?  Not
+dollars?'
+
+"'Sure,' he says.  Then he turns round--he was in the bow, hangin'
+on to the steerin' wheel--and looks me over, kind of interested,
+but superior.  'Say,' he says, 'I've been hearin' things about you.
+You're a hero, ain't you?'
+
+"Durn them Orham gabblers!  Ever sence I hauled that crew of
+seasick summer boarders out of the drink a couple of years ago and
+the gov'ment gave me a medal, the minister and some more of his
+gang have painted out the name I was launched under and had me
+entered on the shippin' list as 'The Hero.'  I've licked two or
+three for callin' me that, but I can't lick a parson, and he was
+the one that told Billings.
+
+"'Oh, I don't know!' I answers pretty sharp.  'Get her under way,
+why don't you?'
+
+"All he done was look me over some more and grin.
+
+"'A hero!  A real live gov'ment-branded hero!' he says.  'Ain't
+scared of nothin', I reckon--hey?'
+
+"I never made no answer.  There's some things that's too fresh to
+eat without salt, and I didn't have a pickle tub handy.
+
+"'Hum!' he says again, reverend-like.  'A sure hero; scared of
+nothin'!  Never rode in an auto afore, did you?'
+
+"'No,' says I, peppery; 'and I don't see no present symptom of
+ridin' in one now.  Cast off, won't you?'
+
+"He cast off.  That is to say, he hauled a nickel-plated
+marlinespike thing toward him, shoved another one away from him,
+took a twist on the steerin' wheel, the gocart coughed like a horse
+with the heaves, started up some sort of buzz-planer underneath,
+and then we begun to move.
+
+"From the time we left my shanty at South Orham till we passed the
+pines at Herrin' Neck I laid back in that stuffed cockpit, feelin'
+as grand and tainted as old John D. himself.  The automobile rolled
+along smooth but swift, and it seemed to me I had never known what
+easy trav'lin' was afore.  As we rounded the bend by the pines and
+opened up the twelve-mile narrow white stretch of Setuckit Beach
+ahead of us, with the ocean on one side and the bay on t'other, I
+looked at my watch.  We'd come that fur in thirteen minutes.
+
+"'Land sakes!' I says.  'This is what I call movin' right along!'
+
+"He turned round and sized me up again, like he was surprised.
+
+"'Movin'?' says he.  'Movin'?  Why, pard, we've been settin' down
+to rest!  Out our way, if a lynchin' party didn't move faster than
+we've done so fur, the center of attraction would die on the road
+of old age.  Now, my heroic college chum,' he goes on, callin' me
+out of my name, as usual, 'will you be so condescendin' as to
+indicate how we hit the trail?'
+
+"'Hit--hit which?  Don't hit nothin', for goodness' sake!  Goin'
+the way we be, it would--'
+
+"'Which way do we go?'
+
+"'Right straight ahead.  Keep on the ocean side, 'cause there's
+more hard sand there, and--hold on!  Don't do that!  Stop it, I
+tell you!'
+
+"Them was the last rememberable words said by me durin' the next
+quarter of an hour.  That shover man let out a hair-raisin' yell,
+hauled the nickel marlinespike over in its rack, and squeezed a
+rubber bag that was spliced to the steerin' wheel.  There was a
+half dozen toots or howls or honks from under our bows somewheres,
+and then that automobile hopped off the ground and commenced to
+fly.  The fust hop landed me on my knees in the cockpit, and there
+I stayed.  'Twas the most fittin' position fur my frame of mind and
+chimed in fust-rate with the general religious drift of my
+thoughts.
+
+"The Cut-through is two mile or more from Herrin' Neck.  'Cordin'
+to my count we hit terra cotta just three times in them two miles.
+The fust hit knocked my hat off.  The second one chucked me up so
+high I looked back for the hat, and though we was a half mile away
+from it, it hadn't had time to git to the ground.  And all the
+while the horn was a-honkin', and Billings was a-screechin, and the
+sand was a-flyin'.  Sand!  Why, say!  Do you see that extra bald
+place on the back of my head?  Yes?  Well, there was a two-inch
+thatch of hair there afore that sand blast ground it off.
+
+"When I went up on the third jounce I noticed the Cut-through just
+ahead.  Billings see it, too, and--would you b'lieve it?--the
+lunatic stood up, let go of the wheel with one hand, takes off his
+hat and waves it, and we charge down across them wet tide flats
+like death on the woolly horse, in Scriptur'.
+
+"'Hi, yah!  Yip!' whoops Billings.  'Come on in, fellers!  The
+water's fine!  Yow!  Y-e-e-e!  Yip!'
+
+"For a second it left off rainin' sand, and there was a typhoon of
+mud and spray.  I see a million of the prettiest rainbows--that is,
+I cal'lated there was a million; it's awful hard to count when
+you're bouncin' and prayin' and drowndin' all to once.  Then we
+sizzed out of the channel, over the flats on t'other side, and on
+toward Setuckit.
+
+"Never mind the rest of the ride.  'Twas all a sort of constant
+changin' sameness.  I remember passin' a blurred life-savin'
+station, with three--or maybe thirty--blurred men jumpin' and
+laughin' and hollerin'.  I found out afterwards that they'd been on
+the lookout for the bombshell for half an hour.  Billings had told
+around town what he was goin' to do to me, and some kind friend had
+telephoned it to the station.  So the life-savers was full of
+anticipations.  I hope they were satisfied.  I hadn't rehearsed my
+part of the show none, but I feel what the parson calls a
+consciousness of havin' done my best.
+
+"'Whoa, gal!' says Billings, calm and easy, puttin' the helm hard
+down.  The auto was standin' still at last.  Part of me was hangin'
+over the lee rail.  I could see out of the part, so I knew 'twas my
+head.  And there alongside was my fish shanty at the P'int, goin'
+round and round in circles.
+
+"I undid the hatch of the cockpit and fell out on the sand.  Then I
+scrambled up and caught hold of the shanty as it went past me.
+That fool shover watched me, seemin'ly interested.
+
+"'Why, pard,' says he, 'what's the matter?  Do you feel pale?  Are
+you nervous?  It ain't possible that you're scared?  Honest, now,
+pard, if it weren't that I knew you were a genuine gold-mounted
+hero I'd sure think you was a scared man.'
+
+"I never said nothin'.  The scenery and me was just turnin' the
+mark buoy on our fourth lap.
+
+"'Dear me, pard!' continues Billings.  'I sure hope I ain't scared
+you none.  We come down a little slow this evenin', but to-morrow
+night, when I take you back home, I'll let the old girl out a
+little.'
+
+"I sensed some of that.  And as the shanty had about come to
+anchor, I answered and spoke my mind.
+
+"'When you take me back home!' I says.  'When you do!  Why, you
+crack-brained, murderin' lunatic, I wouldn't cruise in that hell
+wagon of yours again for the skipper's wages on a Cunarder.  No,
+nor the mate's hove in!'
+
+"And that shover he put his head back and laughed and laughed and
+laughed."
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+THE CRUISE OF THE RED CAR
+
+
+"I don't wonder he laughed," observed Wingate, who seemed to enjoy
+irritating his friend.  "You must have been good as a circus."
+
+"Humph!" grunted the depot master.  "If I remember right you said
+YOU wa'n't any ten-cent side show under similar circumstances,
+Barzilla.  Heave ahead, Bailey!"
+
+Captain Stitt, unruffled, resumed:
+
+"I tell you, I had to take it that evenin'," he said.  "All the
+time I was cookin' and while he was eatin' supper, Billings was
+rubbin' it into me about my bein' scared.  Called me all the
+saltwater-hero names he could think of--'Hobson' and 'Dewey' and
+the like of that, usin' em sarcastic, of course.  Finally, he said
+he remembered readin' in school, when he was little, about a girl
+hero, name of Grace Darlin'.  Said he cal'lated, if I didn't mind,
+he'd call me Grace, 'cause it was heroic and yet kind of fitted in
+with my partic'lar brand of bravery.  I didn't answer much; he had
+me down, and I knew it.  Likewise I judged he was more or less out
+of his head; no sane man would yell the way he done aboard that
+automobile.
+
+"Then he commenced to spin yarns about himself and his doin's, and
+pretty soon it come out that he'd been a cowboy afore young
+Stumpton give up ranchin' and took to automobilin'.  That cleared
+the sky line some, of course; I'd read consider'ble about cowboys
+in the ten-cent books my nephew fetched home when he was away to
+school.  I see right off that Billings was the livin' image of
+Deadwood Dick and Wild Bill and the rest in them books; they yelled
+and howled and hadn't no regard for life and property any more'n he
+had.  No, sir!  He wa'n't no crazier'n they was; it was in the
+breed, I judged.
+
+"'I sure wish I had you on the ranch, Grace,' says he.  'Why don't
+you come West some day?  That's where a hero like you would show up
+strong.'
+
+"'Godfrey mighty!' I sings out.  'I wouldn't come nigh such a nest
+of crazy murderers as that fur no money!  I'd sooner ride in that
+automobile of yours, and St. Peter himself couldn't coax me into
+THAT again, not if 'twas fur a cruise plumb up the middle of the
+golden street!'
+
+"I meant it, too, and the next afternoon when it come time to start
+for home he found out that I meant it.  We'd shot a lot of ducks,
+and Billings was havin' such a good time that I had to coax and
+tease him as if he was a young one afore he'd think of quittin'.
+It was quarter of six when he backed the gas cart out of the shed.
+I was uneasy, 'cause 'twas past low-water time, and there was fog
+comin' on.
+
+"'Brace up, Dewey!' says he.  'Get in.'
+
+"'No, Mr. Billings,' says I.  'I ain't goin' to get in.  You take
+that craft of yourn home, and I'll sail up alongside in my dory.'
+
+"'In your which?' says he.
+
+"'In my dory,' I says.  'That's her hauled up on the beach abreast
+the shanty.'
+
+"He looked at the dory and then at me.
+
+"'Go on!' says he.  'You ain't goin' to pack yourself twelve mile
+on THAT SHINGLE?'
+
+"'Sartin I am! says I.  'I ain't takin' no more chances.'
+
+"Do you know, he actually seemed to think I was crazy then.  Seemed
+to figger that the dory wa'n't big enough; and she's carried five
+easy afore now.  We had an argument that lasted twenty minutes
+more, and the fog driftin' in nigher all the time.  At last he got
+sick of arguin', ripped out somethin' brisk and personal, and got
+his tin shop to movin'.
+
+"'You want to cross over to the ocean side,' I called after him.
+'The Cut-through's been dredged at the bay end, remember.'
+
+"'Be hanged!' he yells, or more emphatic.  And off he whizzed.  I
+see him go, and fetched a long breath.  Thanks to a merciful
+Providence, I'd come so fur without bein' buttered on the
+undercrust of that automobile or scalped with its crazy shover's
+bowie knife.
+
+"Ten minutes later I was beatin' out into the bay in my dory.  All
+around was the fog, thin as poorhouse gruel so fur, but thickenin'
+every minute.  I was worried; not for myself, you understand, but
+for that cowboy shover.  I was afraid he wouldn't fetch t'other
+side of the Cut-through.  There wa'n't much wind, and I had to make
+long tacks.  I took the inshore channel, and kept listenin' all the
+time.  And at last, when 'twas pretty dark and I was cal'latin' to
+be about abreast of the bay end of the Cut-through, I heard from
+somewheres ashore a dismal honkin' kind of noise, same as a wild
+goose might make if 'twas chokin' to death and not resigned to the
+worst.
+
+"'My land!' says I.  'It's happened!'  And I come about and headed
+straight in for the beach.  I struck it just alongside the gov'ment
+shanty.  The engineers had knocked off work for the week, waitin'
+for supplies, but they hadn't took away their dunnage.
+
+"'Hi!' I yells, as I hauled up the dory.  'Hi-i-i!  Billings, where
+be you?'
+
+"The honkin' stopped and back comes the answer; there was joy in
+it.
+
+"'What?  Is that Cap'n Stitt?'
+
+"'Yes,' I sings out.  'Where be you?'
+
+"'I'm stuck out here in the middle of the crick.  And there's a
+flood on.  Help me, can't you?'
+
+"Next minute I was aboard the dory, rowin' her against the tide up
+the channel.  Pretty quick I got where I could see him through the
+fog and dark.  The auto was on the flat in the middle of the Cut-
+through, and the water was hub high already.  Billings was standin'
+up on the for'ard thwart, makin' wet footmarks all over them
+expensive cushions.
+
+"'Lord,' says he, 'I sure am glad to see you, pard!  Can we get to
+land, do you think?'
+
+"'Land?' says I, makin' the dory fast alongside and hoppin' out
+into the drink.  ''Course we can land!  What's the matter with your
+old derelict?  Sprung a leak, has it?'
+
+"He went on to explain that the automobile had broke down when he
+struck the flat, and he couldn't get no farther.  He'd been honkin'
+and howlin' for ten year at least, so he reckoned.
+
+"'Why in time,' says I, 'didn't you mind me and go up the ocean
+side?  And why in nation didn't you go ashore and--  But never mind
+that now.  Let me think.  Here!  You set where you be.'
+
+"As I shoved off in the dory again he turned loose a distress
+signal.
+
+"'Where you goin'?' he yells.  'Say, pard, you ain't goin' to leave
+me here, are you?'
+
+"'I'll be back in a shake,' says I, layin' to my oars.  'Don't
+holler so!  You'll have the life-savers down here, and then the
+joke'll be on us.  Hush, can't you?  I'll be right back!'
+
+"I rowed up channel a little ways, and then I sighted the place I
+was bound for.  Them gov'ment folks had another shanty farther up
+the Cut-through.  Moored out in front of it was a couple of big
+floats, for their stone sloops to tie up to at high water.  The
+floats were made of empty kerosene barrels and planks, and they'd
+have held up a house easy.  I run alongside the fust one, cut the
+anchor cable with my jackknife, and next minute I was navigatin'
+that float down channel, steerin' it with my oar and towin' the
+dory astern.
+
+"'Twas no slouch of a job, pilotin' that big float, but part by
+steerin' and part by polin' I managed to land her broadside on to
+the auto.  I made her fast with the cable ends and went back after
+the other float.  This one was a bigger job than the fust, but by
+and by that gas wagon, with planks under her and cable lashin's
+holdin' her firm, was restin' easy as a settin' hen between them
+two floats.  I unshipped my mast, fetched it aboard the nighest
+float, and spread the sail over the biggest part of the brasswork
+and upholstery.
+
+"'There,' says I, 'if it rains durin' the night she'll keep pretty
+dry.  Now I'll take the dory and row back to the shanty after some
+spare anchors there is there.'
+
+"'But what's it fur, pard?' asks Billings for the nine hundred and
+ninety-ninth time.  'Why don't we go where it's dry?  The flood's
+risin' all the time.'
+
+"'Let it rise,' I says.  'I cal'late when it gets high enough them
+floats'll rise with it and lift the automobile up, too.  If she's
+anchored bow and stern she'll hold, unless it comes on to blow a
+gale, and to-morrow mornin' at low tide maybe you can tinker her up
+so she'll go.'
+
+"'Go?' says he, like he was astonished.  'Do you mean to say you're
+reckonin' to save the CAR?'
+
+"'Good land!' I says, starin' at him.  'What else d'you s'pose?
+Think I'd let seventy-five hundred dollars' wuth of gilt-edged
+extravagance go to the bottom?  What did you cal'late I was tryin'
+to save--the clam flat?  Give me that dory rope; I'm goin' after
+them anchors.  Sufferin' snakes!  Where IS the dory?  What have you
+done with it?'
+
+"He'd been holdin' the bight of the dory rodin'.  I handed it to
+him so's he'd have somethin' to take up his mind.  And, by time,
+he'd forgot all about it and let it drop!  And the dory had gone
+adrift and was out of sight.
+
+"'Gosh!' says he, astonished-like.  'Pard, the son of a gun has
+slipped his halter!'
+
+"I was pretty mad--dories don't grow on every beach plum bush--but
+there wa'n't nothin' to say that fitted the case, so I didn't try.
+
+"'Humph!' says I.  'Well, I'll have to swim ashore, that's all, and
+go up to the station inlet after another boat.  You stand by the
+ship.  If she gets afloat afore I come back you honk and holler and
+I'll row after you.  I'll fetch the anchors and we'll moor her
+wherever she happens to be.  If she shouldn't float on an even
+keel, or goes to capsize, you jump overboard and swim ashore.
+I'll--'
+
+"'Swim?' says he, with a shake in his voice.  'Why, pard, I can't
+swim!'
+
+"I turned and looked at him.  Shover of a two-mile-a-minute gold-
+plated butcher cart like that, a cowboy murderer that et his
+friends for breakfast--and couldn't swim!  I fetched a kind of
+combination groan and sigh, turned back the sail, climbed aboard
+the automobile, and lit up my pipe.
+
+"'What are you settin' there for?' says he.  'What are you goin' to
+do?'
+
+"'Do?' says I.  'Wait, that's all--wait and smoke.  We won't have
+to wait long.'
+
+"My prophesyin' was good.  We didn't have to wait very long.  It
+was pitch dark, foggy as ever, and the tide a-risin' fast.  The
+floats got to be a-wash.  I shinned out onto 'em, picked up the oar
+that had been left there, and took my seat again.  Billings climbed
+in, too, only--and it kind of shows the change sence the previous
+evenin'--he was in the passenger cockpit astern, and I was for'ard
+in the pilot house.  For a reckless daredevil he was actin' mighty
+fidgety.
+
+"And at last one of the floats swung off the sand.  The automobile
+tipped scandalous.  It looked as if we was goin' on our beam ends.
+Billings let out an awful yell.  Then t'other float bobbed up and
+the whole shebang, car and all, drifted out and down the channel.
+
+"My lashin's held--I cal'lated they would.  Soon's I was sure of
+that I grabbed up the oar and shoved it over the stern between the
+floats.  I hoped I could round her to after we passed the mouth of
+the Cut-through, and make port on the inside beach.  But not in
+that tide.  Inside of five minutes I see 'twas no use; we was bound
+across the bay.
+
+"And now commenced a v'yage that beat any ever took sence Noah's
+time, I cal'late; and even Noah never went to sea in an automobile,
+though the one animal I had along was as much trouble as his whole
+menagerie.  Billings was howlin' blue murder.
+
+"'Stop that bellerin'!' I ordered.  'Quit it, d'you hear!  You'll
+have the station crew out after us, and they'll guy me till I can't
+rest.  Shut up!  If you don't, I'll--I'll swim ashore and leave
+you.'
+
+"I was takin' big chances, as I look at it now.  He might have
+drawed a bowie knife or a lasso on me; 'cordin' to his yarns he'd
+butchered folks for a good sight less'n that.  But he kept quiet
+this time, only gurglin' some when the ark tilted.  I had time to
+think of another idee.  You remember the dory sail, mast and all,
+was alongside that cart.  I clewed up the canvas well as I could
+and managed to lash the mast up straight over the auto's bows.
+Then I shook out the sail.
+
+"'Here!' says I, turnin' to Billings.  'You hang on to that sheet.
+No, you needn't nuther.  Make it fast to that cleat alongside.'
+
+"I couldn't see his face plain, but his voice had a funny tremble
+to it; reminded me of my own when I climbed out of that very cart
+after he'd jounced me down to Setuckit the day before.
+
+"'What?' he says.  'Wh-what?  What sheet?  I don't see any sheet.
+What do you want me to do?'
+
+"'Tie this line to that cleat.  That cleat there!  CLEAT, you
+lubber!  CLEAT!  That knob!  MAKE IT FAST!  Oh, my gosh t'mighty!
+Get out of my way!'
+
+"The critter had tied the sheet to the handle of the door instead
+of the one I meant, and the pull of the sail hauled the door open
+and pretty nigh ripped it off the hinges.  I had to climb into the
+cockpit and straighten out the mess.  I was losin' my temper; I do
+hate bunglin' seamanship aboard a craft of mine.
+
+"'But what'll become of us?' begs Billings.  'Will we drown?'
+
+"'What in tunket do we want to drown for?  Ain't we got a good
+sailin' breeze and the whole bay to stay on top of--fifty foot of
+water and more?'
+
+"'Fifty foot!' he yells.  'Is there fifty foot of water underneath
+us now?  Pard, you don't mean it!'
+
+"'Course I mean it.  Good thing, too!'
+
+"'But fifty foot!  It's enough to drown in ten times over!'
+
+"'Can't drown but once, can you?  And I'd just as soon drown in
+fifty foot as four--ruther, 'cause 'twouldn't take so long.'
+
+"He didn't answer out loud; but I heard him talkin' to himself
+pretty constant.
+
+"We was well out in the bay by now, and the seas was a little mite
+more rugged--nothin' to hurt, you understand, but the floats was
+all foam, and once in a while we'd ship a little spray.  And every
+time that happened Billings would jump and grab for somethin'
+solid--sometimes 'twas the upholstery and sometimes 'twas me.  He
+wa'n't on the thwart, but down in a heap on the cockpit floor.
+
+"'Let go of my leg!' I sings out, after we'd hit a high wave and
+that shover had made a more'n ordinary savage claw at my
+underpinnin'.  'You make me nervous.  Drat this everlastin' fog!
+somethin'll bump into us if we don't look out.  Here, you go
+for'ard and light them cruisin' lights.  They ain't colored
+'cordin' to regulations, but they'll have to do.  Go for'ard!  What
+you waitin' for?'
+
+"Well, it turned out that he didn't like to leave that cockpit.  I
+was mad.
+
+"'Go for'ard there and light them lights!' I yelled, hangin' to the
+steerin' oar and keepin' the ark runnin' afore the wind.
+
+"'I won't!' he says, loud and emphatic.  'Think I'm a blame fool?
+I sure would be a jack rabbit to climb over them seats the way
+they're buckin' and light them lamps.  You're talkin' through your
+hat!'
+
+"Well, I hadn't no business to do it, but, you see, I was on salt
+water, and skipper, as you might say, of the junk we was afloat in;
+and if there's one thing I never would stand it's mutiny.  I hauled
+in the oar, jumped over the cockpit rail, and went for him.  He see
+me comin', stood up, tried to get out of the way, and fell
+overboard backwards.  Part of him lit on one of the floats, but the
+biggest part trailed in the water between the two.  He clawed with
+his hands, but the planks was slippery, and he slid astern fast.
+Just as he reached the last plank and slid off and under I jumped
+after him and got him by the scruff of the neck.  I had hold of the
+lashin' end with one hand, and we tailed out behind the ark, which
+was sloppin' along, graceful as an elephant on skates.
+
+"I was pretty well beat out when I yanked him into that cockpit
+again.  Neither of us said anything for a spell, breath bein'
+scurce as di'monds.  But when he'd collected some of his, he spoke.
+
+"'Pard,' he says, puffin', 'I'm much obleeged to you.  I reckon I
+sure ain't treated you right.  If it hadn't been for you that time
+I'd--'
+
+"But I was b'ilin' over.  I whirled on him like a teetotum.
+
+"'Drat your hide!' I says.  'When you speak to your officer you say
+sir!  And now you go for'ard and light them lights.  Don't you
+answer back!  If you do I'll fix you so's you'll never ship aboard
+another vessel!  For'ard there!  Lively, you lubber, lively!'
+
+"He went for'ard, takin' consider'ble time and hangin' on for dear
+life.  But somehow or 'nuther he got the lights to goin'; and all
+the time I hazed him terrible.  I was mate on an Australian packet
+afore I went fishin' to the Banks, and I can haze some.  I
+blackguarded that shover awful.
+
+"'Ripperty-rip your everlastin' blankety-blanked dough head!' I
+roared at him.  'You ain't wuth the weight to sink you.  For'ard
+there and get that fog horn to goin'!  And keep it goin'!  Lively,
+you sculpin!  Don't you open your mouth to me!'
+
+"Well, all night we sloshed along, straight acrost the bay.  We
+must have been a curious sight to look at.  The floats was awash,
+so that the automobile looked like she was ridin' the waves all by
+her lonesome; the lamps was blazin' at either side of the bow;
+Billings was a-tootin' the rubber fog horn as if he was wound up;
+and I was standin' on the cushions amidships, keepin' the whole
+calabash afore the wind.
+
+"We never met another craft the whole night through.  Yes, we did
+meet one.  Old Ezra Cahoon, of Harniss, was out in his dory
+stealin' quahaugs from Seth Andrews's bed over nigh the Wapatomac
+shore.  Ezra stayed long enough to get one good glimpse of us as we
+bust through the fog; then he cut his rodin' and laid to his oars,
+bound for home and mother.  We could hear him screech for half an
+hour after he left us.
+
+"Ez told next day that the devil had come ridin' acrost the bay
+after him in a chariot of fire.  Said he could smell the brimstone
+and hear the trumpet callin' him to judgment.  Likewise he hove in
+a lot of particulars concernin' the personal appearance of the Old
+Boy himself, who, he said, was standin' up wavin' a red-hot
+pitchfork.  Some folks might have been flattered at bein' took for
+such a famous character; but I wa'n't; I'm retirin' by nature, and
+besides, Ez's description wa'n't cal'lated to bust a body's vanity
+b'iler.  I was prouder of the consequences, the same bein' that
+Ezra signed the Good Templars' pledge that afternoon, and kept it
+for three whole months, just sixty-nine days longer than any
+previous attack within the memory of man had lasted.
+
+"And finally, just as mornin' was breakin', the bows of the floats
+slid easy and slick up on a hard, sandy beach.  Then the sun riz
+and the fog lifted, and there we was within sight of the South
+Ostable meetin'-house.  We'd sailed eighteen miles in that ark and
+made a better landin' blindfold than we ever could have made on
+purpose.
+
+"I hauled down the sail, unshipped the mast, and jumped ashore to
+find a rock big enough to use for a makeshift anchor.  It wa'n't
+more'n three minutes after we fust struck afore my boots hit dry
+ground, but Billings beat me one hundred and seventy seconds, at
+that.  When I had time to look at that shover man he was a cable's
+length from high-tide mark, settin' down and grippin' a bunch of
+beach grass as if he was afeard the sand was goin' to slide from
+under him; and you never seen a yallerer, more upset critter in
+your born days.
+
+"Well, I got the ark anchored, after a fashion, and then we walked
+up to the South Ostable tavern.  Peleg Small, who runs the place,
+he knows me, so he let me have a room and I turned in for a nap.  I
+slept about three hours.  When I woke up I started out to hunt the
+automobile and Billings.  Both of 'em looked consider'ble better
+than they had when I see 'em last.  The shover had got a gang of
+men and they'd got the gas cart ashore, and Billings and a
+blacksmith was workin' over--or rather under--the clockwork.
+
+"'Hello!' I hails, comin' alongside.
+
+"Billings sticks his head out from under the tinware.
+
+"'Hi, pard!' says he.  I noticed he hadn't called me 'Grace' nor
+'Dewey' for a long spell.  Hi, pard,' he says, gettin' to his feet,
+'the old gal ain't hurt a hair.  She'll be good as ever in a couple
+of hours.  Then you and me can start for Orham.'
+
+"'In HER?' says I.
+
+"'Sure,' he says.
+
+"'Not by a jugful!' says I, emphatic.  'I'll borrer a boat to get
+to Orham in, when I'm ready to go.  You won't ketch me in that man
+killer again; and you can call me a coward all you want to!'
+
+"'A coward?' says he.  'You a coward?  And--  Why, you was in that
+car all night!'
+
+"'Oh!' I says.  'Last night was diff'rent.  The thing was on water
+then, and when I've got enough water underneath me I know I'm
+safe.'
+
+"'Safe!' he sings out.  'SAFE!  Well, by--gosh!  Pard, I hate to
+say it, but it's the Lord's truth--you had me doin' my "Now I lay
+me's"!'
+
+"For a minute we looked at each other.  Then says I, sort of
+thinkin' out loud, 'I cal'late,' I says, 'that whether a man's
+brave or not depends consider'ble on whether he's used to his
+latitude.  It's all accordin'.  It lays in the bringin' up, as the
+duck said when the hen tried to swim.'
+
+"He nodded solemn.  'Pard,' says he, 'I sure reckon you've called
+the turn.  Let's shake hands on it.'
+
+"So we shook; and . . ."
+
+Captain Bailey stopped short and sprang from his chair.  "There's
+my train comin'," he shouted.  "Good-by, Sol!  So long, Barzilla!
+Keep away from fortune tellers and pretty servant girls or YOU'LL
+be gettin' married pretty soon.  Good-by."
+
+He darted out of the waiting room and his companions followed.  Mr.
+Wingate, having a few final calls to make, left the station soon
+afterwards and did not return until evening.  And that evening he
+heard news which surprised him.
+
+As he and Captain Sol were exchanging a last handshake on the
+platform, Barzilla said:
+
+"Well, Sol, I've enjoyed loafin' around here and yarnin' with you,
+same as I always do.  I'll be over again in a month or so and we'll
+have some more."
+
+The Captain shook his head.  "I may not be here then, Barzilla," he
+observed.
+
+"May not be here?  What do you mean by that?"
+
+"I mean that I don't know exactly where I shall be.  I shan't be
+depot master, anyway."
+
+"Shan't be depot master?  YOU won't?  Why, what on airth--"
+
+"I sent in my resignation four days ago.  Nobody knows it, except
+you, not even Issy, but the new depot master for East Harniss will
+be here to take my place on the mornin' of the twelfth, that's two
+days off."
+
+"Why!  Why!  SOL!"
+
+"Yes.  Keep mum about it.  I'll--I'll let you know what I decide to
+do.  I ain't settled it myself yet.  Good-by, Barzilla."
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+ISSY'S REVENGE
+
+
+The following morning, at nine o'clock, Issy McKay sat upon the
+heap of rusty chain cable outside the blacksmith's shop at Denboro,
+reading, as usual, a love story.  Issy was taking a "day off."  He
+had begged permission of Captain Sol Berry, the permission had been
+granted, and Issy had come over to Denboro, the village eight miles
+above East Harniss, in his "power dory," or gasoline boat, the Lady
+May.  The Lady May was a relic of the time before Issy was
+assistant depot master, when he gained a precarious living by
+quahauging, separating the reluctant bivalve from its muddy house
+on the bay bottom with an iron rake, the handle of which was forty
+feet long.  Issy had been seized with a desire to try quahauging
+once more, hence his holiday.  The rake was broken and he had put
+in at Denboro to have it fixed.  While the blacksmith was busy,
+Issy laboriously spelled out the harrowing chapters of "Vivian, the
+Shop Girl; or Lord Lyndhurst's Lowly Love."
+
+A grinning, freckled face peered cautiously around the corner of
+the blacksmith's front fence.  Then an overripe potato whizzed
+through the air and burst against the shop wall a few inches from
+the reader's head.  Issy jumped.
+
+"You--you everlastin' young ones, you!" he shouted fiercely.  "If I
+git my hands onto you, you'll wish you'd--I see you hidin' behind
+that fence."
+
+Two barefooted little figures danced provokingly in the roadway and
+two shrill voices chanted in derision:
+
+
+     "Is McKay--Is McKay--
+      Makes the Injuns run away!
+
+
+Scalped anybody lately, Issy?
+
+Alas for the indiscretions of youth!  The tale of Issy's early
+expedition in search of scalps and glory was known from one end of
+Ostable County to the other.  It had made him famous, in a way.
+
+"If I git a-holt of you kids, I'll bet there'll be some scalpin'
+done," retorted the persecuted one, rising from the heap of cable.
+
+A second potato burst like a bombshell on the shingles behind him.
+McKay was a good general, in that he knew when it was wisest to
+retreat.  Shoving the paper novel into his overalls pocket, he
+entered the shop.
+
+"What's the matter, Is?" inquired the grinning blacksmith.  Most
+people grinned when they spoke to Issy.  "Gittin' too hot outside
+there, was it?  Why don't you tomahawk 'em and have 'em for
+supper?"
+
+"Humph!" grunted the offended quahauger.  "Don't git gay now, Jake
+Larkin.  You hurry up with that rake."
+
+"Oh, all right, Is.  Don't sculp ME; I ain't done nothin'.  What's
+the news over to East Harniss?"
+
+"Oh, I don't know.  Not much.  Sam Bartlett, he started for Boston
+this mornin'."
+
+"Who?  Sam Bartlett?  I want to know!  Thought he was down for six
+weeks.  You sure about that, Is?"
+
+"Course I'm sure.  I was up to the depot and see him buy his ticket
+and git on the cars."
+
+"Did, hey?  Humph!  So Sam's gone.  Gertie Higgins still over to
+her Aunt Hannah's at Trumet?"
+
+Issy looked at his questioner.  "Why, yes," he said suspiciously.
+"I s'pose she's there.  Fact, I know she is.  Pat Starkey's doin'
+the telegraphin' while she's away.  What made you ask that?"
+
+The blacksmith chuckled.  "Oh, nothin'," he said.  "How's her dad's
+dyspepsy?  Had any more of them sudden attacks of his?  I cal'late
+they'll take the old man off some of these days, won't they?  I
+hear the doctor thinks there's more heart than stomach in them
+attacks."
+
+But the skipper of the Lady May was not to be put off thus.  "What
+you drivin' at, Jake?" he demanded.  "What's Sam Bartlett's goin'
+away got to do with Gertie Higgins?"
+
+In his eagerness he stepped to Mr. Larkin's side.  The blacksmith
+caught sight of the novel in his customer's pocket.  He snatched it
+forth.
+
+"What you readin' now, Is?" he demanded.  "More blood and
+brimstone?  'Vivy Ann, the Shop Girl!'  Gee!  Wow!"
+
+"You gimme that book, Jake Larkin!  Gimme it now!"
+
+Fending the frantic quahauger off with one mighty arm, the
+blacksmith proceeded to read aloud:
+
+"'Darlin',' cried Lord Lyndhurst, strainin' the beautiful and
+blushin' maid to his manly bosom, 'you are mine at last.  Mine!
+No--'  Jerushy! a love story!  Why, Issy!  I didn't know you was in
+love.  Who's the lucky girl?  Send me an invite to your weddin',
+won't you?"
+
+Issy's face was a fiery red.  He tore the precious volume from its
+desecrator's hand, losing the pictured cover in the struggle.
+
+"You--you pesky fool!" he shouted.  "You mind your own business."
+
+The blacksmith roared in glee.  "Oh, ho!" he cried.  "Issy's in
+love and I never guessed it.  Aw, say, Is, don't be mean!  Who is
+she?  Have you strained her to your manly bosom yit?  What's her
+name?"
+
+"Shut up!" shrieked Issy, and strode out of the shop.  His
+tormentor begged him not to "go off mad," and shouted sarcastic
+sympathy after him.  But Mr. McKay heeded not.  He stalked angrily
+along the sidewalk.  Then espying just ahead of him the boys who
+had thrown the potatoes, he paused, turned, and walking down the
+carriageway at the side of the blacksmith's place of business, sat
+down upon a sawhorse under one of its rear windows.  He could, at
+least, be alone here and think; and he wanted to think.
+
+For Issy--although he didn't look it--was deeply interested in
+another love story as well as that in his pocket.  This one was
+printed upon his heart's pages, and in it he was the hero, while
+the heroine--the unsuspecting heroine--was Gertie Higgins, daughter
+of Beriah Higgins, once a fisherman, now the crotchety and
+dyspeptic proprietor of the "general store" and postmaster at East
+Harniss.
+
+This story began when Issy first acquired the Lady May.  The
+Higgins home stood on the slope close to the boat landing, and when
+Issy came in from quahauging, Gertie was likely to be in the back
+yard, hanging out the clothes or watering the flower garden.
+Sometimes she spoke to him of her own accord, concerning the
+weather or other important topics.  Once she even asked him if he
+were going to the Fourth of July ball at the town-hall.  It took
+him until the next morning--like other warriors, Issy was cursed
+with shyness--to summon courage enough to ask her to go to the ball
+with him.  Then he found it was too late; she was going with her
+cousin, Lennie Bloomer.  But he felt that she had offered him the
+opportunity, and was happy and hopeful accordingly.
+
+This, however, was before she went to Boston to study telegraphy.
+When she returned, with a picture hat and a Boston accent, it was
+to preside at the telegraph instrument in the little room adjoining
+the post office at her father's store.  When Issy bowed blushingly
+outside the window of the telegraph room, he received only the
+airiest of frigid nods.  Was there what Lord Lyndhurst would have
+called "another"?  It would seem not.  Old Mr. Higgins, her father,
+encouraged no bows nor attentions from young men, and Gertie
+herself did not appear to desire them.  So Issy gave up his tales
+of savage butchery for those of love and blisses, adored in
+silence, and hoped--always hoped.
+
+But why had the blacksmith seemed surprised at the departure of Sam
+Bartlett, the "dudey" vacationist from the city, whose father had,
+years ago, been Beriah Higgins's partner in the fish business?  And
+why had he coupled the Bartlett name with that of Gertie, who had
+been visiting her father's maiden sister at Trumet, the village
+next below East Harniss, as Denboro is the next above it?  Issy's
+suspicions were aroused, and he wondered.
+
+Suddenly he heard voices in the shop above him.  The window was
+open and he heard them plainly.
+
+"Well! WELL!"  It was the blacksmith who uttered the exclamation.
+"Why, Bartlett, how be you?  What you doin' over here?  Thought
+you'd gone back to Boston.  I heard you had."
+
+Slowly, cautiously, the astonished quahauger rose from the sawhorse
+and peered over the window sill.  There were two visitors in the
+shop.  One was Ed Burns, proprietor of the Denboro Hotel and livery
+stable.  The other was Sam Bartlett, the very same who had left
+East Harniss that morning, bound, ostensibly, for Boston.  Issy
+sank back again and listened.
+
+"Yes, yes!" he heard Sam say impatiently; "I know, but--see here,
+Jake, where can I hire a horse in this God-forsaken town?"
+
+"Well, well, Sam!" continued Larkin.  "I was just figurin' that
+Beriah had got the best of you after all, and you'd had to give it
+up for this time.  Thinks I, it's too bad!  Just because your dad
+and Beriah Higgins had such a deuce of a row when they bust up in
+the fish trade, it's a shame that he won't hark to your keepin'
+comp'ny with Gertie.  And you doin' so well; makin' twenty dollars
+a week up to the city--Ed told me that--and--"
+
+"Yes, yes!  But never mind that.  Where can I get a horse?  I've
+got to be in Trumet by eight to-night sure."
+
+"Trumet?  Why, that's where Gertie is, ain't it?"
+
+"Look a-here, Jake," broke in the livery-stable keeper.  "I'll tell
+you how 'tis.  Oh, it's all right, Sam!  Jake knows the most of it;
+I told him.  He can keep his mouth shut, and he don't like old
+crank Higgins any better'n you and me do.  Jake, Sam here and
+Gertie had fixed it up to run off and git married to-night.  He was
+to pretend to start for Boston this mornin'.  Bought a ticket and
+all, so's to throw Beriah off the scent.  He was to get off the
+train here at Denboro and I was to let him have a horse 'n' buggy.
+Then, this afternoon, he was goin' to drive through the wood roads
+around to Trumet and be at the Baptist Church there at eight to-
+night sharp.  Gertie's Aunt Hannah, she's had her orders, and bein'
+as big a crank as her brother, she don't let the girl out of her
+sight.  But there's a fair at the church and Auntie's tendin' a
+table.  Gertie, she steps out to the cloak room to git a
+handkerchief which she's forgot; see?  And she hops into Sam's
+buggy and away they go to the minister's.  After they're once
+hitched Old Dyspepsy can go to pot and see the kittle bile."
+
+"Bully!  By gum, that's fine!  Won't Beriah rip some, hey?"
+
+"Yes, but there's the dickens to pay.  I've only got two horses in
+the stable to-day.  The rest are let.  And the two I've got--one's
+old Bill, and he couldn't go twenty mile to save his hide.  And
+t'other's the gray mare, and blamed if she didn't git cast last
+night and use up her off hind leg so's she can't step.  And Sam's
+GOT to have a horse.  Where can I git one?"
+
+"Hum!  Have you tried Haynes's?"
+
+"Yes, yes!  And Lathrop's and Eldredge's.  Can't git a team for
+love nor money."
+
+"Sho!  And he can't go by train?"
+
+"What?  With Beriah postmaster at East Harniss and always nosin'
+through every train that stops there?  You can't fetch Trumet by
+train without stoppin' at East Harniss and--  What was that?"
+
+"I don't know.  What was it?"
+
+"Sounded like somethin' outside that back winder."
+
+The two ran to the window and looked out.  All they saw was an
+overturned sawhorse and two or three hens scratching vigorously.
+
+"Guess 'twas the chickens, most likely," observed the blacksmith.
+Then, striking his blackened palms together, he exclaimed:
+
+"By time!  I've thought of somethin'!  Is McKay is in town to-day.
+Come over in the Lady May.  She's a gasoline boat.  Is would take
+Sam to Trumet for two or three dollars, I'll bet.  And he's such a
+fool head that he wouldn't ask questions nor suspicion nothin'.
+'Twould be faster'n a horse and enough sight less risky."
+
+And just then the "fool head," his brain whirling under its carroty
+thatch, was hurrying blindly up the main street, bound somewhere,
+he wasn't certain where.
+
+A mushy apple exploded between his shoulders, but he did not even
+turn around.  So THIS was what the blacksmith meant!  This was why
+Mr. Higgins watched his daughter so closely.  This was why Gertie
+had been sent off to Trumet.  She had met the Bartlett miscreant in
+Boston; they had been together there; had fallen in love and--  He
+gritted his teeth and shook his fists almost in the face of old
+Deacon Pratt, who, knowing the McKay penchant for slaughter, had
+serious thoughts of sending for the constable.
+
+Beriah Higgins must be warned, of course, but how?  To telegraph
+was to put Pat Starkey in possession of the secret, and Pat was too
+good a friend of Gertie's to be trusted.  There was no telephone at
+the store.  Issy entered the combination grocery store and post
+office.
+
+"Has the down mail closed yet?" he panted.
+
+The postmaster looked out of his little window.
+
+"Yes," he replied.  "Why?  Got a letter you want to go?  Take it up
+to the depot.  The train's due, but 'tain't here yit.  If you run
+you can make it."
+
+Issy took a card from his pocket.  It was the business card of the
+firm to whom he sold his quahaugs.  On the back of the card he
+wrote in pencil as follows:
+
+"Mr. Beriah Higgins, your daughter Gertrude is going to meet Sam'l
+Bartlett at the Baptist Church in Trumet at 8 P.M. to-night and get
+married to him.  LOOK OUT!!!"
+
+After an instant's consideration he signed it "A True Friend," this
+being in emulation of certain heroes of the Deadwood Dick variety.
+Then he put the card into an envelope and ran at top speed to the
+railway station.  The train came in as he reached the platform.
+The baggage master was standing in the door of his car.
+
+"Here, mister!" panted Issy.  "Jest hand this letter to Beriah
+Higgins when he takes the mail bag at East Harniss, won't you?
+It's mighty important.  Don't forgit.  Thanks."
+
+The train moved off.  Issy stared after it, grinning malevolently.
+Higgins would get that note in ample time to send word to the
+watchful Aunt Hannah.  When the unsuspecting eloper reached the
+Trumet church, it would be the aunt, not the niece, who awaited
+him.  Still grinning, Mr. McKay walked off the platform, and into
+the arms of Ed Burns, the stable keeper, and Sam Bartlett, his
+loathed and favored rival.
+
+"Here he is!" shouted Burns.  "Now we've got him."
+
+The foiler of the plot turned pale.  Was his secret discovered?
+But no; his captors began talking eagerly, and gradually the sense
+of their pleadings became plain.  They wanted him--HIM, of all
+people--to convey Bartlett to Trumet in the Lady May.
+
+"You see, it's a business meetin'," urged Burns.  "Sam's got to be
+there by ha'f past seven or he'll--he won't win on the deal, will
+you, Sam?  Say yes, Issy; that's a good feller.  He'll give you--I
+don't know's he won't give you five dollars."
+
+"Ten," cried Bartlett.  "And I'll never forget it, either.  Will
+you, Is?"
+
+A mighty "No!" was trembling on Issy's tongue.  But before it was
+uttered Burns spoke again.
+
+"McKay's got the best boat in these parts," he urged.  "She's got a
+tiptop engine in her, and--"
+
+The word "engine" dropped into the whirlpool of Issy's thoughts
+with a familiar sound.  In the chapter of "Vivian" that he had just
+finished, the beautiful shopgirl was imprisoned on board the yacht
+of the millionaire kidnaper, while the hero, in his own yacht, was
+miles astern.  But the hero's faithful friend, disguised as a
+stoker, was tampering with the villain's engine.  A vague idea
+began to form in Issy's brain.  Once get the would-be eloper aboard
+the Lady May, and, even though the warning note should remain
+undelivered, he--
+
+Issy smiled, and the ghastliness of that smile was unnoticed by his
+companions.
+
+"I--I'll do it," he cried.  "By mighty!  I WILL do it.  You be at
+the wharf here at four o'clock.  I wouldn't do it for everybody,
+Sam Bartlett, but for you I'd do consider'ble, just now.  And I
+don't want your ten dollars nuther."
+
+
+Doctoring an engine may be easy enough--in stories.  But to doctor
+a gasoline engine so that it will run for a certain length of time
+and THEN break down is not so easy.  Three o'clock came and the
+problem was still unsolved.  Issy, the perspiration running down
+his face, stood up in the Lady May's cockpit and looked out across
+the bay, smooth and glassy in the afternoon sun.
+
+The sky overhead was clear and blue, but along the eastern and
+southern horizon was a gray bank of cloud, heaped in tumbled
+masses.
+
+A sunburned lobsterman in rubber boots and a sou'wester was smoking
+on the wharf.
+
+"What time you goin' to start for home, Is?" he asked.
+
+"Oh, in an hour or so," was the absent-minded reply.
+
+"Humph!  You'd better cast off afore that or you'll be fog bound.
+It'll be thicker'n dock mud toward sundown, and you'll fetch up in
+Waptomac 'stead of East Harniss, 'thout you've got a good compass."
+
+"Oh, my compass is all right," began Issy, and stopped short.  The
+lobsterman made other attempts at conversation, but they were
+unproductive.  McKay was gazing at the growing fog bank and
+thinking hard.  To doctor an engine may be difficult, but to get
+lost in a fog--  He took the compass from the glass-lidded binnacle
+by the wheel, and carrying it into the little cabin, placed it in
+the cuddy forward.
+
+It was nearer five than four when the Lady May, her engine barking
+aggressively, moved out of Denboro Harbor.  Mr. Bartlett, the
+passenger, had been on time and had fumed and fretted at the delay.
+But Issy was deliberation itself.  He had forgotten his quahaug
+rake, and the lapse of memory entailed a trip to the blacksmith's.
+Then the gasoline tank needed filling and the battery had to be
+overhauled.
+
+"Are you sure you can make it?" queried Sam anxiously.  "It's
+important, I tell you.  Mighty important."
+
+The skipper snorted in disgust.  "Make it?" he repeated.  "If the
+Lady May can't make fourteen mile in two hours--let alone two'n a
+ha'f--then I don't know her.  She's one of them boats you read
+about, she is."
+
+The Cape makes a wide bend between Denboro and Trumet.  The
+distance between these towns is twenty long, curved miles over the
+road; by water it is reduced to a straight fourteen.  And midway
+between the two, at the center of the curve, is East Harniss.
+
+The Lady May coughed briskly on.  There was no sea, and she sent
+long, widening ripples from each side of her bow.  Bartlett,
+leaning over the rail, gazed impatiently ahead.  Issy, sprawled on
+the bench by the wheel, was muttering to himself.  Occasionally he
+glanced toward the east.  The gray fog bank was now half way to the
+zenith and approaching rapidly.  The eastern shore had disappeared.
+
+"Is!  Hi, Is!  What are you doing?  Don't kill him before my eyes."
+
+Issy came out of his trance with a start.
+
+"What--what's that?" he asked.  His passenger was grinning broadly.
+
+"What?  Kill who?"
+
+"Why, the big chief, or whoever you had under your knee just then.
+You've been rolling your eyes and punching air with your fist for
+the last five minutes.  I was getting scared.  You're an unmerciful
+sinner when you get started, ain't you, Is?  Who was the victim
+that time?  'Man Afraid of Hot Water'? or who?"
+
+The skipper scowled.  He shoved the fist into his pocket.
+
+"Naw," he growled.  "'Twa'n't."
+
+"So?  Not an Indian?  Then it must have been a white man.  Some
+fellow after your girl, perhaps.  Hey?"
+
+The disconcerted Issy was speechless.  His companion's chance shot
+had scored a bull's-eye.  Sam whooped.
+
+"That's it!" he crowed.  "Sure thing!  Give it to him, Is!  Don't
+spare him."
+
+Mr. McKay chokingly admitted that he "wa'n't goin' to."
+
+"Ho, ho!  That's the stuff!  But who's SHE, Is?  When are you going
+to marry her?"
+
+Issy grunted spitefully.  "You ain't married yourself--not yit," he
+observed, with concealed sarcasm.
+
+The unsuspecting Bartlett laughed in triumph.  "No," he said.  "I'm
+not, that's a fact; but maybe I'm going to be some of these days.
+It looked pretty dubious for a while, but now it's all right."
+
+"'Tis, hey?  You're sure about that, be you?"
+
+"Guess I am.  Great Scott! what's that?  Fog?"
+
+A damp breath blew across the boat.  The clouds covered the sky
+overhead and the bay to port.  The fog was pouring like smoke
+across the water.
+
+"Fog, by thunder!" exclaimed Bartlett.
+
+Issy smiled.  "Hum!  Yes, 'tis fog, ain't it?" he observed.
+
+"But what'll we do?  It'll be here in a minute, won't it?"
+
+"Shouldn't be a mite surprised.  Looks 's if twas here now."
+
+The fog came on.  It reached the Lady May, passed over her, and
+shut her within gray, wet walls.  It was impossible to see a length
+from her side.  Sam swore emphatically.  The skipper was
+provokingly calm.  He stepped to the engine, bent over it, and then
+returned to the wheel.
+
+"What are you doing?" demanded Bartlett.
+
+"Slowin' down, of course.  Can't run more'n ha'f speed in a fog
+like this.  'Tain't safe."
+
+"Safe!  What do I care?  I want to get to Trumet."
+
+"Yes?  Well, maybe we'll git there if we have luck."
+
+"You idiot!  We've GOT to get there.  How can you tell which way to
+steer?  Get your compass, man! get your compass!"
+
+"Ain't got no compass," was the sulky answer.  Left it to home."
+
+"Why, no, you didn't.  I--"
+
+"I tell you I did.  'Twas careless of me, I know, but--"
+
+"But I say you didn't.  When you went uptown after that quahaug
+rake I explored this craft of yours some.  The compass is in that
+little closet at the end of the cabin.  I'll get it."
+
+He rose to his feet.  Issy sprang forward and seized him by the
+arm.
+
+"Set down!" he yelled.  "Who's runnin' this boat, you or me?"
+
+The astounded passenger stared at his companion.
+
+"Why, you are," he replied.  "But that's no reason--  What's the
+matter with you, anyway?  Have your dime novels driven you loony?"
+
+Issy hesitated.  For a moment chagrin and rage at this sudden upset
+of his schemes had gotten the better of his prudence.  But Bartlett
+was taller than he and broad in proportion.  And valor--except of
+the imaginative brand--was not Issy's strong point.
+
+"There, there, Sam!" he explained, smiling crookedly.  "You mustn't
+mind me.  I'm sort of nervous, I guess.  And you mustn't hop up and
+down in a boat that way.  You set still and I'll fetch the
+compass."
+
+He stumbled across the cockpit and disappeared in the dusk of the
+cabin.  Finding that compass took a long time.  Sam lost patience.
+
+"What's the matter?" he demanded.  "Can't you find it?  Shall I
+come?"
+
+"No, no!" screamed Issy vehemently.  "Stay where you be.  Catch a-
+holt of that wheel.  We'll be spinnin' circles if you don't.  I'm
+a-comin'."
+
+But it was another five minutes before he emerged from the cabin,
+carrying the compass box very carefully with both hands.  He placed
+it in the binnacle and closed the glass lid.
+
+"'Twas catched in a bluefish line," he explained.  "All snarled up,
+'twas."
+
+Sam peered through the glass at the compass.
+
+"Thunder!" he exclaimed.  "I should say we had spun around.
+Instead of north being off here where I thought it was, it's 'way
+out to the right.  Queer how fog'll mix a fellow up.  Trumet's
+about northeast, isn't it?"
+
+"No'theast by no'th's the course.  Keep her just there."
+
+The Lady May, still at half speed, kept on through the mist.  Time
+passed.  The twilight, made darker still by the fog, deepened.
+They lit the lantern in order to see the compass card.  Issy had
+the wheel now.  Sam was forward, keeping a lookout and fretting at
+the delay.
+
+"It's seven o'clock already," he cried.  "For Heaven's sake, how
+late will you be?  I've got to be there by quarter of eight.  D'you
+hear?  I've GOT to."
+
+"Well, we're gittin' there.  Can't expect to travel so fast with
+part of the power off.  You'll be where you're goin' full as soon
+as you want to be, I cal'late."
+
+And he chuckled.
+
+Another half hour and, through the wet dimness, a light flashed,
+vanished, and flashed again.  Issy saw it and smiled grimly.
+Bartlett saw it and shouted.
+
+"'What's that light?" he cried.  "Did you see it?  There it is, off
+there."
+
+"I see it.  There's a light at Trumet Neck, ain't there?"
+
+"Humph!  It's been years since I was there, but I thought Trumet
+light was steady.  However--"
+
+"Ain't that the wharf ahead?"
+
+Sure enough, out of the dark loomed the bulk of a small wharf, with
+catboats at anchor near it.  Higher up, somewhere on the shore,
+were the lighted windows of a building.
+
+"By thunder, we're here!" exclaimed Sam, and drew a long breath.
+
+Issy shut off the power altogether, and the Lady May slid easily up
+to the wharf.  Feverishly her skipper made her fast.
+
+"Yes, sir!" he cried exultantly.  "We're here.  And no Black Rover
+nor anybody else ever done a better piece of steerin' than that,
+nuther."
+
+He clambered over the stringpiece, right at the heels of his
+impatient but grateful passenger.  Sam's thanks were profuse and
+sincere.
+
+"I'll never forget it, Is," he declared.  "I'll never forget it.
+And you'll have to let me pay you the--  What makes you shake so?"
+
+Issy pulled his arm away and stepped back.
+
+"I'll never forget it, Is," continued Sam.  "I--  Why!  What--?"
+
+He was standing at the shore end of the wharf, gazing up at the
+lighted windows.  They were those of a dwelling house--an old-
+fashioned house with a back yard sloping down to the landing.
+
+And then Issy McKay leaned forward and spoke in his ear.
+
+"You bet you won't forgit it, Sam Bartlett!" he crowed, in
+trembling but delicious triumph.  "You bet you won't!  I've fixed
+you just the same as the Black Rover fixed the mutineers.  Run off
+with my girl, will ye?  And marry her, will ye?  I--"
+
+Sam interrupted him.  "Why!  WHY!" he cried.  "That's--that's
+Gertie's house!  This isn't Trumet!  IT'S EAST HARNISS!
+
+The next moment he was seized from behind.  The skipper's arms were
+around his waist and the skipper's thin legs twisted about his own.
+They fell together upon the sand and, as they rolled and struggled,
+Issy's yells rose loud and high.
+
+"Mr. Higgins!" he shrieked.  "Mr. Higgins!  Come on!  I've got him!
+I've got the feller that's tryin' to steal your daughter!  Come on!
+I've got him!  I'm hangin' to him!"
+
+A door banged open.  Some one rushed down the walk.  And then a
+girl's voice cried in alarm:
+
+"What is it?  Who is it?  What IS the matter?"
+
+And from the bundle of legs and arms on the ground two voices
+exclaimed: "GERTIE!"
+
+"But where IS your father?" asked Sam.  Issy asked nothing.  He
+merely sat still and listened.
+
+"Why, he's at Trumet.  At least I suppose he is.  Mrs. Jones--she's
+gone to telephone to him now--says that he came home this morning
+with one of those dreadful 'attacks' of his.  And after dinner he
+seemed so sick that, when she went for the doctor, she wired me at
+Auntie's to come home.  I didn't want to come--you know why--but I
+COULDN'T let him die alone.  And so I caught the three o'clock
+train and came.  I knew you'd forgive me.  But it seems that when
+Mrs. Jones came back with the doctor they found father up and
+dressed and storming like a crazy man.  He had received some sort
+of a letter; he wouldn't say what.  And, in spite of all they could
+do, he insisted on going out.  And Cap'n Berry--the depot master--
+says he went to Trumet on the afternoon freight.  We must have
+passed each other on the way.  And I'm so--  But why are you HERE?
+And what were you and Issy doing?  And--"
+
+Her lover broke in eagerly.  "Then you're alone now?" he asked.
+
+"Yes, but--"
+
+"Good!  Your father can't get a train back from Trumet before to-
+morrow morning.  I don't know what this letter was--but never mind.
+Perhaps friend McKay knows more about it.  It may be that Mr.
+Higgins is waiting now outside the Baptist church.  Gertie, now's
+our chance.  You come with me right up to the minister's.  He's a
+friend of mine.  He understands.  He'll marry us, I know.  Come!
+We mustn't lose a minute.  Your dad may take a notion to drive
+back."
+
+He led her off up the lane, she protesting, he urging.  At the
+corner of the house he turned.
+
+"I say, Is!" he called.  "Don't you want to come to the wedding?
+Seems to me we owe you that, considering all you've done to help it
+along.  Or perhaps you want to stay and fix that compass of yours."
+
+Issy didn't answer.  Some time after they had gone he arose from
+the ground and stumbled home.  That night he put a paper novel into
+the stove.  Next morning, before going to the depot, he removed an
+iron spike from the Lady May's compass box.  The needle swung back
+to its proper position.
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+THE MOUNTAIN AND MAHOMET
+
+
+The eleventh of July.  The little Berry house stood high on its
+joists and rollers, in the middle of the Hill Boulevard, directly
+opposite the Edwards lot.  Close behind it loomed the big
+"Colonial."  Another twenty-four hours, and, even at its one-horse
+gait, the depot master's dwelling would be beyond the strip of
+Edwards fence.  The "Colonial" would be ready to move on the lot,
+and Olive Edwards, the widow, would be obliged to leave her home.
+In fact, Mr. Williams had notified her that she and her few
+belongings must be off the premises by the afternoon of the
+twelfth.
+
+The great Williams was in high good-humor.  He chuckled as he
+talked with his foreman, and the foreman chuckled in return.
+Simeon Phinney did not chuckle.  He was anxious and worried, and
+even the news of Gertie Higgins's runaway marriage, brought to him
+by Obed Gott, who--having been so recently the victim of another
+unexpected matrimonial alliance--was wickedly happy over the
+postmaster's discomfiture, did not interest him greatly.
+
+"Well, I wonder who'll be the next couple," speculated Obed.
+"First Polena and old Hardee, then Gertie Higgins and Sam Bartlett!
+I declare, Sim, gettin' married unbeknownst to anybody must be
+catchin', like the measles.  Nobody's safe unless they've got a
+wife or husband livin'.  Me and Sol Berry are old baches--we'd
+better get vaccinated or WE may come down with the disease.  Ho!
+ho!"
+
+After dinner Mr. Phinney went from his home to the depot.  Captain
+Sol was sitting in the ticket office, with the door shut.  On the
+platform, forlornly sprawled upon the baggage truck, was Issy
+McKay, the picture of desolation.  He started nervously when he
+heard Simeon's step.  As yet Issy's part in the Bartlett-Higgins
+episode was unknown to the townspeople.  Sam and Gertie had
+considerately kept silence.  Beriah had not learned who sent him
+the warning note, the unlucky missive which had brought his
+troubles to a climax.  But he was bound to learn it, he would find
+out soon, and then--  No wonder Issy groaned.
+
+"Come in here, Sim," said the depot master.  Phinney entered the
+ticket office.
+
+"Shut the door," commanded the Captain.  The order was obeyed.
+"Well, what is it?" asked Berry.
+
+"Why, I just run in to see you a minute, Sol, that's all.  What are
+you shut up in here all alone for?"
+
+"'Cause I want to be alone.  There's been more than a thousand
+folks in this depot so far to-day, seems so, and they all wanted to
+talk.  I don't feel like talkin'."
+
+"Heard about Gertie Higgins and--"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Who told you?"
+
+"Hiram Baker told me first.  He's a fine feller and he's so
+tickled, now that his youngster's 'most well, that he cruises
+around spoutin' talk and joy same as a steamer's stack spouts
+cinders.  He told me.  Then Obed Gott and Cornelius Rowe and Redny
+Blount and Pat Starkey, and land knows how many more, came to tell
+me.  I cut 'em short.  Why, even the Major himself condescended to
+march in, grand and imposin' as a procession, to make proclamations
+about love laughin' at locksmiths, and so on.  Since he got Polena
+and her bank account he's a bigger man than the President, in his
+own estimate."
+
+"Humph!  Well, he better make the best of it while it lasts.
+P'lena ain't Hetty Green, and her money won't hold out forever."
+
+"That's a fact.  Still Polena's got sense.  She'll hold Hardee in
+check, I cal'late.  I wouldn't wonder if it ended by her bossin'
+things and the Major actin' as a sort of pet poodle dog--nice and
+pretty to walk out with, but always kept at the end of a string."
+
+"You didn't go to Higgins's for dinner to-day, did you?"
+
+"No.  Nor I shan't go for supper.  Beriah's bad enough when he's
+got nothin' the matter with him but dyspepsy.  Now that his
+sufferin's are complicated with elopements, I don't want to eat
+with him."
+
+"Come and have supper with us."
+
+"I guess not, thank you, Sim.  I'll get some crackers and cheese
+and such at the store.  I--I ain't very hungry these days."
+
+He turned his head and looked out of the window.  Simeon fidgeted.
+
+"Sol," he said, after a pause, "we'll be past Olive's by to-morrer
+night."
+
+No answer.  Sim repeated his remark.
+
+"I know it," was the short reply.
+
+"Yes--yes, I s'posed you did, but--"
+
+"Sim, don't bother me now.  This is my last day here at the depot,
+and I've got things to do."
+
+"Your last day?  Why, what--?"
+
+Captain Sol told briefly of his resignation and of the coming of
+the new depot master.
+
+"But you givin' up your job!" gasped Phinney.  "YOU!  Why, what
+for?"
+
+"For instance, I guess.  I ain't dependent on the wages, and I'm
+sick of the whole thing."
+
+"But what'll you do?"
+
+"Don't know."
+
+"You--you won't leave town, will you?  Lawsy mercy, I hope not!"
+
+"Don't know.  Maybe I'll know better by and by.  I've got to think
+things out.  Run along now, like a good feller.  Don't say nothin'
+about my quittin'.  All hands'll know it to-morrow, and that's soon
+enough."
+
+Simeon departed, his brain in a whirl.  Captain Solomon Berry no
+longer depot master!  The world must be coming to an end.
+
+He remained at his work until supper time.  During the meal he ate
+and said so little that his wife wondered and asked questions.  To
+avoid answering them he hurried out.  When he returned, about ten
+o'clock, he was a changed man.  His eyes shone and he fairly danced
+with excitement.
+
+"Emeline!" he shouted, as he burst into the sitting room.  "What do
+you think?  I've got the everlastin'est news to tell!"
+
+"Good or bad?" asked the practical Mrs. Phinney.
+
+"Good!  So good that--  There! let me tell you.  When I left here I
+went down to the store and hung around till the mail was sorted.
+Pat Starkey was doin' the sortin', Beriah bein' too upsot by
+Gertie's gettin' married to attend to anything.  Pat called me to
+the mail window and handed me a letter.
+
+"'It's for Olive Edwards,' he says.  'She's been expectin' one for
+a consider'ble spell, she told me, and maybe this is it.  P'r'aps
+you'd just as soon go round by her shop and leave it.'
+
+"I took the letter and looked at it.  Up in one corner was the
+printed name of an Omaha firm.  I never said nothin', but I
+sartinly hustled on my way up the hill.
+
+"Olive was in her little settin' room back of the shop.  She was
+pretty pale, and her eyes looked as if she hadn't been doin' much
+sleepin' lately.  Likewise I noticed--and it give me a queer
+feelin' inside--that her trunk was standin', partly packed, in the
+corner."
+
+"The poor woman!" exclaimed Mrs. Phinney.
+
+"Yes," went on her husband.  "Well, I handed over the letter and
+started to go, but she told me to set down and rest, 'cause I was
+so out of breath.  To tell you the truth, I was crazy to find out
+what was in that envelope and, being as she'd give me the excuse, I
+set.
+
+"She took the letter over to the lamp and looked at it for much as
+a minute, as if she was afraid to open it.  But at last, and with
+her fingers shakin' like the palsy, she fetched a long breath and
+tore off the end of the envelope.  It was a pretty long letter, and
+she read it through.  I see her face gettin' whiter and whiter and,
+when she reached the bottom of the last page, the letter fell onto
+the floor.  Down went her head on her arms, and she cried as if her
+heart would break.  I never felt so sorry for anybody in my life.
+
+"'Don't, Mrs. Edwards,' I says.  'Please don't.  That cousin of
+yours is a darn ungrateful scamp, and I'd like to have my claws on
+his neck this minute.'
+
+"She never even asked me how I knew about the cousin.  She was too
+much upset for that.
+
+"'Oh! oh!' she sobs.  'What SHALL I do?  Where shall I go?  I
+haven't got a friend in the world!'
+
+"I couldn't stand that.  I went acrost and laid my hand on her
+shoulder.
+
+"'Mrs. Edwards,' says I, 'you mustn't say that.  You've got lots of
+friends.  I'm your friend.  Mr. Hilton's your friend.  Yes, and
+there's another, the best friend of all.  If it weren't for him,
+you'd have been turned out into the street long before this.'"
+
+Mrs. Phinney nodded.  "I'm glad you told her!" she exclaimed.
+"She'd ought to know."
+
+"That's what I thought," said Simeon.
+
+"Well, she raised her head then and looked at me.
+
+"'You mean Mr. Williams?' she asks.
+
+"That riled me up.  'Williams nothin'!' says I.  'Williams let you
+stay here 'cause he could just as well as not.  If he'd known that
+this other friend was keepin' him from gettin' here, just on your
+account, he'd have chucked you to glory, promise or no promise.
+But this friend, this real friend, he don't count cost, nor
+trouble, nor inconvenience.  Hikes his house--the house he lives
+in--right out into the road, moves it to a place where he don't
+want to go, and--'
+
+"'Mr. Phinney,' she sighs out, 'what do you mean?'
+
+"And then I told her.  She listened without sayin' a word, but her
+eyes kept gettin' brighter and brighter and she breathed short.
+
+"'Oh!' she says, when I'd finished.  'Did he--did he--do that for
+ME?'
+
+"'You bet!' says I.  'He didn't tell me what he was doin' it for--
+that ain't Sol's style; but I'm arithmetiker enough to put two and
+two together and make four.  He did it for you, you can bet your
+last red on that.'
+
+"She stood up.  'Oh!' she breathes.  'I--I must go and thank him.
+I--'
+
+"But, knowin' Sol, I was afraid.  Fust place, there was no tellin'
+how he'd act, and, besides, he might not take it kindly that I'd
+told her.
+
+"'Wait a jiffy,' I says.  'I'll go out and see if he's home.  You
+stay here.  I'll be back right off.'
+
+"Out I put, and over to the Berry house, standin' on its rollers in
+the middle of the Boulevard.  And, just as I got to it, somebody
+says:
+
+"'Ahoy, Sim!  What's the hurry?  Anybody on fire?'
+
+"'Twas the Cap'n himself, settin' on a pile of movin' joist and
+smokin' as usual.  I didn't waste no time.
+
+"'Sol,' says I, 'I've just come from Olive's.  She's got that
+letter from the Omaha man.  Poor thing! all alone there--'
+
+"He interrupted me sharp.  'Well?' he snaps.  'What's it say?  Will
+the cousin help her?'
+
+"'No,' I says, 'drat him, he won't!'
+
+"The answer I got surprised me more'n anything I ever heard or ever
+will hear.
+
+"'Thank God!' says Sol Berry.  'That settles it.'
+
+"And I swan to man if he didn't climb down off them timbers and
+march straight across the street, over to the door of Olive
+Edwards's home, open it, and go in!  I leaned against the joist
+he'd left, and swabbed my forehead with my sleeve."
+
+"He went to HER!" gasped Mrs. Phinney.
+
+"Wait," continued her husband.  "I must have stood there twenty
+minutes when I heard somebody hurryin' down the Boulevard.  'Twas
+Cornelius Rowe, all red-faced and het up, but bu'stin' with news.
+
+"''Lo, Sim!' says he to me.  'Is Cap'n Sol home?  Does he know?'
+
+"'Know?  Know what?" says I.
+
+"'Why, the trick Mr. Williams put up on him?  Hey?  You ain't
+heard?  Well, Mr. Williams's fixed him nice, HE has!  Seems Abner
+Payne hadn't answered Sol's letter tellin' him he'd accept the
+offer to swap lots, and Williams went up to Wareham where Payne's
+been stayin' and offered him a thumpin' price for the land on Main
+Street, and took it.  The deed's all made out.  Cap'n Sol can't
+move where he was goin' to, and he's left with his house on the
+town, as you might say.  Ain't it a joke, though?  Where is Sol?  I
+want to be the fust to tell him and see how he acts.  Is he to
+home?'
+
+"I was shook pretty nigh to pieces, but I had some sense left.
+
+"'No, he ain't,' says I.  'I see him go up street a spell ago.'"
+
+"Why, Simeon!" interrupted Mrs. Phinney once more.  "Was that true?
+How COULD you see him when--"
+
+"Be still!  S'pose I was goin' to tell him where Sol HAD gone?  I'd
+have lied myself blue fust.  However, Cornelius was satisfied.
+
+"'That so?' he grunts.  'By jings!  I'm goin' to find him.'
+
+"Off he went, and the next thing I knew the Edwards door opened,
+and I heard somebody callin' my name.  I went acrost, walkin' in a
+kind of daze, and there, in the doorway, with the lamp shinin' on
+'em, was Cap'n Sol and Olive.  The tears was wet on her cheeks, but
+she was smilin' in a kind of shy, half-believin' sort of way, and
+as for Sol, he was one broad, satisfied grin.
+
+"'Cap'n,' I begun, 'I just heard the everlastin'est news that--'
+
+"'Shut up, Sim!' he orders, cheerful.  'You've been a mighty good
+friend to both of us, and I want you to be the fust to shake
+hands.'
+
+"'Shake hands?' I stammers, lookin' at 'em.  'WHAT?  You don't
+mean--'
+
+"'I mean shake hands.  Don't you want to?'
+
+"Want to!  I give 'em both one more look, and then we shook, up to
+the elbows; and my grin had the Cap'n's beat holler.
+
+"'Sim,' he says, after I'd cackled a few minutes, 'I cal'late maybe
+that white horse is well by this time.  P'r'aps we might move a
+little faster.  I'm kind of anxious to get to Main Street.'
+
+"Then I remembered.  'Great gosh all fish-hooks!' I sings out.
+'Main Street?  Why, there AIN'T no Main Street!'
+
+"And I gives 'em Cornelius's news.  The widow's smile faded out.
+
+"'Oh!' says she.  'O Solomon!  And I got you into all this
+trouble!'
+
+"Cap'n Sol didn't stop grinnin', but he scratched his head.  'Huh!'
+says he.  'Mark one up for King Williams the Great.  Humph!'
+
+"He thought for a minute and then he laughed out loud.  'Olive,' he
+says, 'if I remember right, you and I always figgered to live on
+the Shore Road.  It's the best site in town.  Sim, I guess if that
+white horse IS well, you can move that shanty of mine right to
+Cross Street, down that, and back along the Shore Road to the place
+where it come from.  THAT land's mine yet,' says he.
+
+"If that wa'n't him all over!  I couldn't think what to say, except
+that folks would laugh some, I cal'lated.
+
+"'Not at us, they won't,' says he.  'We'll clear out till the
+laughin' is over.  Olive, to-morrer mornin' we'll call on Parson
+Hilton and then take the ten o'clock train.  I feel's if a trip to
+Washin'ton would be about right just now.'
+
+"She started and blushed and then looked up into his face.
+'Solomon,' she says, low, 'I really would like to go to Niagara.'
+
+"He shook his head.  'Old lady,' says he, 'I guess you don't quite
+understand this thing.  See here'--p'intin' to his house loomin'
+big and black in the roadway--'see! the mountain has come to
+Mahomet.'"
+
+Mrs. Phinney had heard enough.  She sprang from her chair and
+seized her husband's hands.
+
+"Splendid!" she cried, her face beaming.  "Oh, AIN'T it lovely!
+Ain't you glad for 'em, Simeon?"
+
+"Glad!  Say, Emeline; there's some of that wild-cherry bounce down
+cellar, ain't there?  Let's break our teetotalism for once and
+drink a glass to Cap'n and Mrs. Solomon Berry.  Jerushy!  I got to
+do SOMETHIN' to celebrate."
+
+
+On the Hill Boulevard the summer wind stirred the silverleaf
+poplars.  The thick, black shadows along the sidewalks were heavy
+with the perfume of flowers.  Captain Sol, ex-depot master of East
+Harniss, strolled on in the dark, under the stars, his hands in his
+pockets, and in his heart happiness complete and absolute.
+
+Behind him twinkled the lamp in the window of the Edwards house, so
+soon to be torn down.  Before him, over the barberry hedge, blazed
+the windows of the mansion the owner of which was responsible for
+it all.  The windows were open, and through them sounded the voices
+of the mighty Ogden Hapworth Williams and his wife, engaged in a
+lively altercation.  It was an open secret that their married life
+was anything but peaceful.
+
+"What are you grumbling about now?" demanded 'Williams.  "Don't I
+give you more money than--"
+
+"Nonsense!" sneered Mrs. Williams, in scornful derision.
+"Nonsense, I say!  Money is all there is to you, Ogden.  In other
+things, the real things of this world, those you can't buy with
+money, you're a perfect imbecile.  You know nothing whatever about
+them."
+
+Captain Sol, alone on the walk by the hedge, glanced in the
+direction of the shrill voice, then back at the lamp in Olive's
+window.  And he laughed aloud.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg Etext of The Depot Master, by Joseph C. Lincoln
+