diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/dpmst10.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/dpmst10.txt | 11117 |
1 files changed, 11117 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/dpmst10.txt b/old/dpmst10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..763e4b3 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/dpmst10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11117 @@ +*Project Gutenberg Etext The Depot Master, by Joseph C. Lincoln* + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. We need your donations. + + +The Depot Master + +by Joseph C. Lincoln + +September, 2000 [Etext #2307] + + +*Project Gutenberg Etext The Depot Master, by Joseph C. Lincoln* +******This file should be named dpmst10.txt or dpmst10.zip****** + +Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, dpmst11.txt. +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, dpmst10a.txt. + + +This etext was prepared by Donald Lainson, charlie@idirect.com. + + +We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance +of the official release dates, for time for better editing. + +Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. To be sure you have an +up to date first edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] please check file sizes +in the first week of the next month. Since our ftp program has +a bug in it that scrambles the date [tried to fix and failed] a +look at the file size will have to do, but we will try to see a +new copy has at least one byte more or less. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +fifty hours is one conservative estimate for how long it we take +to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour this year as we release thirty-two text +files per month, or 384 more Etexts in 1997 for a total of 1000+ +If these reach just 10% of the computerized population, then the +total should reach over 100 billion Etexts given away. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext +Files by the December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000=Trillion] +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only 10% of the present number of computer users. 2001 +should have at least twice as many computer users as that, so it +will require us reaching less than 5% of the users in 2001. + + +We need your donations more than ever! + + +All donations should be made to "Project Gutenberg/CMU": and are +tax deductible to the extent allowable by law. (CMU = Carnegie- +Mellon University). + +For these and other matters, please mail to: + +Project Gutenberg +P. O. Box 2782 +Champaign, IL 61825 + +When all other email fails try our Executive Director: +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +We would prefer to send you this information by email +(Internet, Bitnet, Compuserve, ATTMAIL or MCImail). + +****** +If you have an FTP program (or emulator), please +FTP directly to the Project Gutenberg archives: +[Mac users, do NOT point and click. . .type] + +ftp uiarchive.cso.uiuc.edu +login: anonymous +password: your@login +cd etext/etext90 through /etext96 +or cd etext/articles [get suggest gut for more information] +dir [to see files] +get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files] +GET INDEX?00.GUT +for a list of books +and +GET NEW GUT for general information +and +MGET GUT* for newsletters. + +**Information prepared by the Project Gutenberg legal advisor** +(Three Pages) + + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG- +tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor +Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association at +Carnegie-Mellon University (the "Project"). Among other +things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext +under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this +etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors, +officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost +and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or +indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: +[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification, +or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word pro- + cessing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the etext (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the + net profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Association/Carnegie-Mellon + University" within the 60 days following each + date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) + your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, +scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty +free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution +you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg +Association / Carnegie-Mellon University". + +*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + +This etext was prepared by Donald Lainson, charlie@idirect.com. + + + + + +THE DEPOT MASTER + +by Joseph C. Lincoln + + + + +CONTENTS + + +CHAPTER + +I.--AT THE DEPOT + +II.--SUPPLY AND DEMAND + +III.--"STINGY GABE" + +IV.--THE MAJOR + +V.--A BABY AND A ROBBERY + +VI.--AVIATION AND AVARICE + +VII.--CAPTAIN SOL DECIDES TO MOVE + +VIII.--THE OBLIGATIONS OF A GENTLEMAN + +IX.--THE WIDOW BASSETT + +X.--CAPTAIN JONADAB GOES + +XI. THE GREAT METROPOLIS + +XII.--A VISION SENT + +XIII.--DUSENBERRY'S BIRTHDAY + +XIV.--EFFIE'S FATE + +XV.--THE "HERO" AND THE COWBOY + +XVI.--THE CRUISE OF THE RED CAR + +XVII.--ISSY'S REVENGE + +XVIII.--THE MOUNTAIN AND MAHOMET + + + + +THE DEPOT MASTER + + +CHAPTER I + +AT THE DEPOT + + +Mr. Simeon Phinney emerged from the side door of his residence and +paused a moment to light his pipe in the lee of the lilac bushes. +Mr. Phinney was a man of various and sundry occupations, and his +sign, nailed to the big silver-leaf in the front yard, enumerated a +few of them. "Carpenter, Well Driver, Building Mover, Cranberry +Bogs Seen to with Care and Dispatch, etc., etc.," so read the sign. +The house was situated in "Phinney's Lane," the crooked little +byway off "Cross Street," between the "Shore Road" at the foot of +the slope and the "Hill Boulevard"--formerly "Higgins's Roost"--at +the top. From the Phinney gate the view was extensive and, for the +most part, wet. The hill descended sharply, past the "Shore Road," +over the barren fields and knolls covered with bayberry bushes and +"poverty grass," to the yellow sand of the beach and the gray, +weather-beaten fish-houses scattered along it. Beyond was the bay, +a glimmer in the sunset light. + +Mrs. Phinney, in the kitchen, was busy with the supper dishes. Her +husband, wheezing comfortably at his musical pipe, drew an ancient +silver watch from his pocket and looked at its dial. Quarter past +six. Time to be getting down to the depot and the post office. At +least a dozen male citizens of East Harniss were thinking that very +thing at that very moment. It was a community habit of long +standing to see the train come in and go after the mail. The facts +that the train bore no passengers in whom you were intimately +interested, and that you expected no mail made little difference. +If you were a man of thirty or older, you went to the depot or the +"club," just as your wife or sisters went to the sewing circle, for +sociability and mild excitement. If you were a single young man +you went to the post office for the same reason that you attended +prayer meeting. If you were a single young lady you went to the +post office and prayer meeting to furnish a reason for the young man. + +Mr. Phinney, replacing his watch in his pocket, meandered to the +sidewalk and looked down the hill and along the length of the +"Shore Road." Beside the latter highway stood a little house, +painted a spotless white, its window blinds a vivid green. In that +house dwelt, and dwelt alone, Captain Solomon Berry, Sim Phinney's +particular friend. Captain Sol was the East Harniss depot master +and, from long acquaintance, Mr. Phinney knew that he should be +through supper and ready to return to the depot, by this time. The +pair usually walked thither together when the evening meal was +over. + +But, except for the smoke curling lazily from the kitchen chimney, +there was no sign of life about the Berry house. Either Captain +Sol had already gone, or he was not yet ready to go. So Mr. +Phinney decided that waiting was chancey, and set out alone. + +He climbed Cross Street to where the "Hill Boulevard," abiding +place of East Harniss's summer aristocracy, bisected it, and there, +standing on the corner, and consciously patronizing the spot where +he so stood, was Mr. Ogden Hapworth Williams, no less. + +Mr. Williams was the village millionaire, patron, and, in a +gentlemanly way, "boomer." His estate on the Boulevard was the +finest in the county, and he, more than any one else, was +responsible for the "buying up" by wealthy people from the city of +the town's best building sites, the spots commanding "fine marine +sea views," to quote from Abner Payne, local real estate and +insurance agent. His own estate was fine enough to be talked about +from one end of the Cape to the other and he had bought the empty +lot opposite and made it into a miniature park, with flower beds +and gravel walks, though no one but he or his might pick the +flowers or tread the walks. He had brought on a wealthy friend +from New York and a cousin from Chicago, and they, too, had bought +acres on the Boulevard and erected palatial "cottages" where once +were the houses of country people. Local cynics suggested that the +sign on the East Harniss railroad station should be changed to read +"Williamsburg." "He owns the place, body and soul," said they. + +As Sim Phinney climbed the hill the magnate, pompous, portly, and +imposing, held up a signaling finger. "Just as if he was hailin' a +horse car," described Simeon afterward. + +"Phinney," he said, "come here, I want to speak to you." + +The man of many trades obediently approached. + +"Good evenin', Mr. Williams," he ventured. + +"Phinney," went on the great man briskly, "I want you to give me +your figures on a house moving deal. I have bought a house on the +Shore Road, the one that used to belong to the--er--Smalleys, I +believe." + +Simeon was surprised. "What, the old Smalley house?" he exclaimed. +"You don't tell me!" + +"Yes, it's a fine specimen--so my wife says--of the pure Colonial, +whatever that is, and I intend moving it to the Boulevard. I want +your figures for the job." + +The building mover looked puzzled. "To the Boulevard?" he said. +"Why, I didn't know there was a vacant lot on the Boulevard, Mr. +Williams." + +"There isn't now, but there will be soon. I have got hold of the +hundred feet left from the old Seabury estate." + +Mr. Phinney drew a long breath. "Why!" he stammered, "that's where +Olive Edwards--her that was Olive Seabury--lives, ain't it?" + +"Yes," was the rather impatient answer. "She has been living +there. But the place was mortgaged up to the handle and--ahem--the +mortgage is mine now." + +For an instant Simeon did not reply. He was gazing, not up the +Boulevard in the direction of the "Seabury place" but across the +slope of the hill toward the home of Captain Sol Berry, the depot +master. There was a troubled look on his face. + +"Well?" inquired Williams briskly, "when can you give me the +figures? They must be low, mind. No country skin games, you +understand." + +"Hey?" Phinney came out of his momentary trance. "Yes, yes, Mr. +Williams. They'll be low enough. Times is kind of dull now and +I'd like a movin' job first-rate. I'll give 'em to you to-morrer. +But--but Olive'll have to move, won't she? And where's she goin'?" + +"She'll have to move, sure. And the eyesore on that lot now will +come down." + +The "eyesore" was the four room building, combined dwelling and +shop of Mrs. Olive Edwards, widow of "Bill Edwards," once a +promising young man, later town drunkard and ne'er-do-well, dead +these five years, luckily for himself and luckier--in a way--for +the wife who had stuck by him while he wasted her inheritance in a +losing battle with John Barleycorn. At his death the fine old +Seabury place had dwindled to a lone hundred feet of land, the +little house, and a mortgage on both. Olive had opened a "notion +store" in her front parlor and had fought on, proudly refusing aid +and trying to earn a living. She had failed. Again Phinney stared +thoughtfully at the distant house of Captain Sol. + +"But Olive," he said, slowly. "She ain't got no folks, has she? +What'll become of her? Where'll she move to?" + +"That," said Mr. Williams, with a wave of a fat hand, "is not my +business. I am sorry for her, if she's hard up. But I can't be +responsible if men will drink up their wives' money. Look out for +number one; that's business. I sha'n't be unreasonable with her. +She can stay where she is until the new house I've bought is moved +to that lot. Then she must clear out. I've told her that. She +knows all about it. Well, good-by, Phinney. I shall expect your +bid to-morrow. And, mind, don't try to get the best of me, because +you can't do it." + +He turned and strutted back up the Boulevard. Sim Phinney, +pondering deeply and very grave, continued on his way, down Cross +Street to Main--naming the village roads was another of the +Williams' "improvements"--and along that to the crossing, East +Harniss's business and social center at train times. + +The station--everyone called it "deepo," of course--was then a +small red building, old and out of date, but scrupulously neat +because of Captain Berry's rigid surveillance. Close beside it was +the "Boston Grocery, Dry Goods and General Store," Mr. Beriah +Higgins, proprietor. Beriah was postmaster and the post office was +in his store. The male citizen of middle age or over, seeking +opportunity for companionship and chat, usually went first to the +depot, sat about in the waiting room until the train came in, +superintended that function, then sojourned to the post office +until the mail was sorted, returning later, if he happened to be a +particular friend of the depot master, to sit and smoke and yarn +until Captain Sol announced that it was time to "turn in." + +When Mr. Phinney entered the little waiting room he found it +already tenanted. Captain Sol had not yet arrived, but official +authority was represented by "Issy" McKay--his full name was +Issachar Ulysses Grant McKay--a long-legged, freckled-faced, tow- +headed youth of twenty, who, as usual, was sprawled along the +settee by the wall, engrossed in a paper covered dime novel. +"Issy" was a lover of certain kinds of literature and reveled in +lurid fiction. As a youngster he had, at the age of thirteen, +after a course of reading in the "Deadwood Dick Library," started +on a pedestrian journey to the Far West, where, being armed with +home-made tomahawk and scalping knife, he contemplated +extermination of the noble red man. A wrathful pursuing parent had +collared the exterminator at the Bayport station, to the huge +delight of East Harniss, young and old. Since this adventure Issy +had been famous, in a way. + +He was Captain Sol Berry's assistant at the depot. Why an +assistant was needed was a much discussed question. Why Captain +Sol, a retired seafaring man with money in the bank, should care to +be depot master at ten dollars a week was another. The Captain +himself said he took the place because he wanted to do something +that was "half way between a loaf and a job." He employed an +assistant at his own expense because he "might want to stretch the +loafin' half." And he hired Issy because--well, because "most +folks in East Harniss are alike and you can always tell about what +they'll say or do. Now Issy's different. The Lord only knows what +HE'S likely to do, and that makes him interestin' as a conundrum, +to guess at. He kind of keeps my sense of responsibility from +gettin' mossy, Issy does." + +"Issy," hailed Mr. Phinney, "has the Cap'n got here yet?" + +Issy answered not. The villainous floorwalker had just proffered +matrimony or summary discharge to "Flora, the Beautiful Shop Girl," +and pending her answer, the McKay mind had no room for trifles. + +"Issy!" shouted Simeon. "I say, Is', Wake up, you foolhead! Has +Cap'n Sol--" + +"No, he ain't, Sim," volunteered Ed Crocker. He and his chum, +Cornelius Rowe, were seated in two of the waiting room chairs, +their feet on two others. "He ain't got here yet. We was just +talkin' about him. You've heard about Olive Edwards, I s'pose +likely, ain't you?" + +Phinney nodded gloomily. + +"Yes," he said, "I've heard." + +"Well, it's too bad," continued Crocker. "But, after all, it's +Olive's own fault. She'd ought to have married Sol Berry when she +had the chance. What she ever gave him the go-by for, after the +years they was keepin' comp'ny, is more'n I can understand." + +Cornelius Rowe shook his head, with an air of wisdom. Captain Sol, +himself, remarked once: "I wonder sometimes the Almighty ain't +jealous of Cornelius, he knows so much and is so responsible for +the runnin' of all creation." + +"Humph!" grunted Mr. Rowe. "There's more to that business than you +folks think. Olive didn't notice Bill Edwards till Sol went off to +sea and stayed two years and over. How do you know she shook Sol? +You might just as well say he shook her. He always was stubborn as +an off ox and cranky as a windlass. I wonder how he feels now, +when she's lost her last red and is goin' to be drove out of house +and home. And all on account of that fool 'mountain and Mahomet' +business." + +"WHICH?" asked Mr. Crocker. + +"Never mind that, Cornelius," put in Phinney, sharply. "Why don't +you let other folks' affairs alone? That was a secret that Olive +told your sister and you've got no right to go blabbin'." + +"Aw, hush up, Sim! I ain't tellin' no secrets to anybody but Ed +here, and he ain't lived in East Harniss long or he'd know it +already. The mountain and Mahomet? Why, them was the last words +Sol and Olive had. 'Twas Sol's stubbornness that was most to +blame. That was his one bad fault. He would have his own way and +he wouldn't change. Olive had set her heart on goin' to Washin'ton +for their weddin' tower. Sol wanted to go to Niagara. They argued +a long time, and finally Olive says, 'No, Solomon, I'm not goin' to +give in this time. I have all the others, but it's not fair and +it's not right, and no married life can be happy where one does all +the sacrificin'. If you care for me you'll do as I want now.' + +"And he laughs and says, 'All right, I'll sacrifice after this, but +you and me must see Niagara.' And she was sot and he was sotter, +and at last they quarreled. He marches out of the door and says: +'Very good. When you're ready to be sensible and change your mind, +you can come to me. And says Olive, pretty white but firm: 'No, +Solomon, I'm right and you're not. I'm afraid this time the +mountain must come to Mahomet.' That ended it. He went away and +never come back, and after a long spell she give in to her dad and +married Bill Edwards. Foolish? 'Well, now, WA'N'T it!" + +"Humph!" grunted Crocker. "She must have been a born gump to let a +smart man like him get away just for that." + +"There's a good many born gumps not so far from here as her house," +interjected Phinney. "You remember that next time you look in the +glass, Ed Crocker. And--and--well, there's no better friend of Sol +Berry's on earth than I am, but, so fur as their quarrel was +concerned, if you ask me I'd have to say Olive was pretty nigh +right." + +"Maybe--maybe," declared the allwise Cornelius, "but just the same +if I was Sol Berry, and knew my old girl was likely to go to the +poorhouse, I'll bet my conscience--" + +"S-ssh!" hissed Crocker, frantically. Cornelius stopped in the +middle of his sentence, whirled in his chair, and looked up. +Behind him in the doorway of the station stood Captain Sol himself. +The blue cap he always wore was set back on his head, a cigar +tipped upward from the corner of his mouth, and there was a grim +look in his eye and about the smooth shaven lips above the short, +grayish-brown beard. + +"Issy" sprang from his settee and jammed the paper novel into his +pocket. Ed Crocker's sunburned face turned redder yet. Sim +Phinney grinned at Mr. Rowe, who was very much embarrassed. + +"Er--er--evenin', Cap'n Sol," he stammered. "Nice, seasonable +weather, ain't it? Been a nice day." + +"Um," grunted the depot master, knocking the ashes from his cigar. + +"Just right for workin' outdoor," continued Cornelius. + +"I guess it must be. I saw your wife rakin' the yard this +mornin'." + +Phinney doubled up with a chuckle. Mr. Rowe swallowed hard. "I--I +TOLD her I'd rake it myself soon's I got time," he sputtered. + +"Um. Well, I s'pose she realized your time was precious. Evenin', +Sim, glad to see you." + +He held out his hand and Phinney grasped it. + +"Issy," said Captain Sol, "you'd better get busy with the broom, +hadn't you. It's standin' over in that corner and I wouldn't +wonder if it needed exercise. Sim, the train ain't due for twenty +minutes yet. That gives us at least three quarters of an hour +afore it gets here. Come outside a spell. I want to talk to you." + +He led the way to the platform, around the corner of the station, +and seated himself on the baggage truck. That side of the +building, being furthest from the street, was out of view from the +post office and "general store." + +"What was it you wanted to talk about, Sol?" asked Simeon, sitting +down beside his friend on the truck. + +The Captain smoked in silence for a moment. Then he asked a +question in return. + +"Sim," he said, "have you heard anything about Williams buying the +Smalley house? Is it true?" + +Phinney nodded. "Yup," he answered, "it's true. Williams was just +talkin' to me and I know all about his buyin' it and where it's +goin'." + +He repeated the conversation with the great man. Captain Sol did +not interrupt. He smoked on, and a frown gathered and deepened as +he listened. + +"Humph!" he said, when his friend had concluded. "Humph! Sim, do +you have any idea what--what Olive Seabury will do when she has to +go?" + +Phinney glanced at him. It was the first time in twenty years that +he had heard Solomon Berry mention the name of his former +sweetheart. And even now he did not call her by her married name, +the name of her late husband. + +"No," replied Simeon. "No, Sol, I ain't got the least idea. Poor +thing!" + +Another interval. Then: "Well, Sim, find out if you can, and let +me know. And," turning his head and speaking quietly but firmly, +"don't let anybody ELSE know I asked." + +"Course I won't, Sol, you know that. But don't it seem awful mean +turnin' her out so? I wouldn't think Mr. Williams would do such a +thing." + +His companion smiled grimly; "I would," he said. "'Business is +business,' that's his motto. That and 'Look out for number one.'" + +"Yes, he said somethin' to me about lookin' out for number one." + +"Did he? Humph!" The Captain's smile lost a little of its +bitterness and broadened. He seemed to be thinking and to find +amusement in the process. + +"What you grinnin' at?" demanded Phinney. + +"Oh, I was just rememberin' how he looked out for number one the +first--no, the second time I met him. I don't believe he's forgot +it. Maybe that's why he ain't quite so high and mighty to me as he +is to the rest of you fellers. Ha! ha! He tried to patronize me +when I first came back here and took this depot and I just smiled +and asked him what the market price of johnny-cake was these days. +He got red clear up to the brim of his tall hat. Humph! 'TWAS +funny." + +"The market price of JOHNNY-CAKE! He must have thought you was +loony." + +"No. I'm the last man he'd think was loony. You see I met him a +fore he came here to live at all." + +"You did? Where?" + +"Oh, over to Wellmouth. 'Twas the year afore I come back to East +Harniss, myself, after my long stretch away from it. I never +intended to see the Cape again, but I couldn't stay away somehow. +I've told you that much--how I went over to Wellmouth and boarded a +spell, got sick of that, and, just to be doin' somethin' and not +for the money, bought a catboat and took out sailin' parties from +Wixon and Wingate's summer hotel." + +"And you met Mr. Williams? Well, I snum! Was he at the hotel?" + +"No, not exactly. I met him sort of casual this second time." + +"SECOND time? Had you met him afore that?" + +"Don't get ahead of the yarn, Sim. It happened this way: You see, +I was comin' along the road between East Wellmouth and the Center +when I run afoul of him. He was fat and shiny, and drivin' a +skittish horse hitched to a fancy buggy. When he sighted me he +hove to and hailed. + +"'Here you!' says he, in a voice as fat as the rest of him. 'Your +name's Berry, ain't it.' + +"'Yup,' says I. + +"'Methusalum Berry or Jehoshaphat Berry or Sheba Berry, or +somethin' like that? Hey?' he says. + +"'Well,' says I, 'the last shot you fired comes nighest the bull's +eye. They christened me Solomon, but 'twa'n't my fault; I was +young at the time and they took advantage.' + +"He grinned a kind of lopsided grin, like he had a lemon in his +mouth, and commenced to cuss the horse for tryin' to climb a pine +tree. + +"'I knew 'twas some Bible outrage or other,' he says. 'There's +more Bible names in this forsaken sand heap than there is +Christians, a good sight. When I meet a man with a Bible name and +chin whiskers I hang on to my watch. The feller that sets out to +do me has got to have a better make up than that, you bet your +life. 'Well, see here, King Sol; can you run a gasoline launch?' + +"'Why, yes, I guess I can run 'most any of the everyday kinds,' +says I, pullin' thoughtful at my own chin whiskers. This fat man +had got me interested. He was so polite and folksy in his remarks. +Didn't seem to stand on no ceremony, as you might say. Likewise +there was a kind of familiar somethin' about his face. I knew +mighty well I'd never met him afore, and yet I seemed to have a +floatin' memory of him, same as a chap remembers the taste of the +senna and salts his ma made him take when he was little. + +"'All right,' says he, sharp. 'Then you come around to my landin' +to-morrer mornin' at eight o'clock prompt and take me out in my +launch to the cod-fishin' grounds. I'll give you ten dollars to +take me out there and back.' + +"'Well,' says I, 'ten dollars is a good price enough. Do I +furnish--' + +"'You furnish nothin' except your grub,' he interrupts. 'The +launch'll be ready and the lines and hooks and bait'll be ready. +My own man was to do the job, but he and I had a heart-to-heart +talk just now and I told him where he could go and go quick. No +smart Alec gets the best of me, even if he has got a month's +contract. You run that launch and put me on the fishin' grounds. +I pay you for that and bringin' me back again. And I furnish my +own extras and you can furnish yours. I don't want any of your +Yankee bargainin'. See?' + +"I saw. There wa'n't no real reason why I couldn't take the job. +'Twas well along into September; the hotel was closed for the +season; and about all I had on my hands just then was time. + +"'All right,' says I, 'it's a deal. If you'll guarantee to have +your launch ready, I--' + +"'That's my business,' he says. 'It'll be ready. If it ain't +you'll get your pay just the same. To-morrer mornin' at eight +o'clock. And don't you forget and be late. Gid-dap, you +blackguard!' says he to the horse. + +"'Hold on, just a minute,' I hollers, runnin' after him. 'I don't +want to be curious nor nosey, you understand, but seems 's if it +might help me to be on time if I knew where your launch was goin' +to be and what your name was.' + +"He pulled up then. 'Humph!' he says, 'if you don't know my name +and more about my private affairs than I do myself, you're the only +one in this county that don't. My name's Williams, and I live in +what you folks call the Lathrop place over here toward Trumet. The +launch is at my landin' down in front of the house.' + +"He drove off then and I walked along thinkin'. I knew who he was +now, of course. There was consider'ble talk when the Lathrop place +was rented, and I gathered that the feller who hired it answered to +the hail of Williams and was a retired banker, sufferin' from an +enlarged income and the diseases that go along with it. He lived +alone up there in the big house, except for a cranky housekeeper +and two or three servants. This was afore he got married, Sim; his +wife's tamed him a little. Then the yarns about his temper and +language would have filled a log book. + +"But all this was way to one side of the mark-buoy, so fur as I was +concerned. I'd cruised with cranks afore and I thought I could +stand this one--ten dollars' worth of him, anyhow. Bluster and big +talk may scare some folks, but to me they're like Aunt Hepsy +Parker's false teeth, the further off you be from 'em the more real +they look. So the next mornin' I was up bright and early and on my +way over to the Lathrop landin'. + +"The launch was there, made fast alongside the little wharf. Nice, +slick-lookin' craft she was, too, all varnish and gilt +gorgeousness. I'd liked her better if she'd carried a sail, for +it's my experience that canvas is a handy thing to have aboard in +case of need; but she looked seaworthy enough and built for speed. + +"While I was standin' on the pier lookin' down at her I heard +footsteps and brisk remarks from behind the bushes on the bank, and +here comes Williams, puffin' and blowin', followed by a sulky- +lookin' hired man totin' a deckload of sweaters and ileskins, with +a lunch basket on top. Williams himself wan't carryin' anything +but his temper, but he hadn't forgot none of that. + +"'Hello, Berry,' says he to me. 'You are on time, ain't you. +Blessed if it ain't a comfort to find somebody who'll do what I +tell 'em. Now you,' he says to the servant, 'put them things +aboard and clear out as quick as you've a mind to. You and I are +through; understand? Don't let me find you hangin' around the +place when I get back. Cast off, Sol.' + +"The man dumped the dunnage into the launch, pretty average ugly, +and me and the boss climbed aboard. I cast off. + +"'Mr. Williams,' says the man, kind of pleadin', 'ain't you goin' +to pay me the rest of my month's wages?' + +"Williams told him he wa'n't, and added trimmin's to make it +emphatic. + +"I started the engine and we moved out at a good clip. All at once +that hired man runs to the end of the wharf and calls after us. + +"'All right for you, you fat-head!' he yells. 'You'll be sorry for +what you done to me.' + +"I cal'late the boss would have liked to go back and lick him, but +I was hired to go a-fishin', not to watch a one-sided prize fight, +and I thought 'twas high time we started. + +"The name of that launch was the Shootin' Star, and she certainly +lived up to it. 'Twas one of them slick, greasy days, with no sea +worth mentionin' and we biled along fine. We had to, because the +cod ledge is a good many mile away, 'round Sandy P'int out to sea, +and, judgin' by what I'd seen of Fatty so fur, I wa'n't hankerin' +to spend more time with him than was necessary. More'n that, there +was fog signs showin'. + +"'When was you figgerin' on gettin' back, Mr. Williams?' I asked +him. + +"'When I've caught as many fish as I want to,' he says. 'I told +that housekeeper of mine that I'd be back when I got good and +ready; it might be to-night and it might be ten days from now. "If +I ain't back in a week you can hunt me up," I told her; "but not +before. And that goes." I've got HER trained all right. She +knows me. It's a pity if a man can't be independent of females.' + +"I knew consider'ble many men that was subjects for pity, 'cordin' +to that rule. But I wa'n't in for no week's cruise, and I told him +so. He said of course not; we'd be home that evenin'. + +"The Shootin' Star kept slippin' along. 'Twas a beautiful mornin' +and, after a spell, it had its effect, even on a crippled +disposition like that banker man's. He lit up a cigar and begun to +get more sociable, in his way. Commenced to ask me questions about +myself. + +"By and by he says: 'Berry, I suppose you figger that it's a smart +thing to get ten dollars out of me for a trip like this, hey?' + +"'Not if it's to last a week, I don't,' says I. + +"'It's your lookout if it does,' he says prompt. 'You get ten for +takin' me out and back. If you ain't back on time 'tain't my +fault.' + +"'Unless this craft breaks down,' I says. + +"''Twon't break down. I looked after that. My motto is to look +out for number one every time, and it's a mighty good motto. At +any rate, it's made my money for me.' + +"He went on, preachin' about business shrewdness and how it paid, +and how mean and tricky in little deals we Rubes was, and yet we +didn't appreciate how to manage big things, till I got kind of sick +of it. + +"'Look here, Mr. Williams,' says I, 'you know how I make my money-- +what little I do make--or you say you do. Now, if it ain't a sassy +question, how did you make yours?' + +"Well, he made his by bein' shrewd and careful and always lookin' +out for number one. 'Number one' was his hobby. I gathered that +the heft of his spare change had come from dickers in stocks and +bonds. + +"'Humph!' says I. 'Well, speakin' of tricks and meanness, I've +allers heard tell that there was some of them things hitched to the +tail of the stock market. What makes the stock market price of-- +well, of wheat, we'll say?' + +"That was regulated, so he said, by the law of supply and demand. +If a feller had all the wheat there was and another chap had to +have some or starve, why, the first one had a right to gouge +t'other chap's last cent away from him afore he let it go. + +"'That's legitimate,' he says. 'That's cornerin' the market. Law +of supply and demand exemplified.' + +"''Cordin' to that law,' says I, 'when you was so set on fishin' +to-day and hunted me up to run your boat here--'cause I was about +the only chap who could run it and wa'n't otherwise busy--I'd ought +to have charged you twenty dollars instead of ten.' + +"'Sure you had,' he says, grinnin'. 'But you weren't shrewd enough +to grasp the situation and do it. Now the deal's closed and it's +too late.' + +"He went on talkin' about 'pools' and deals' and such. How prices +of this stock and that was shoved up a-purpose till a lot of folks +had put their money in it and then was smashed flat so's all hands +but the 'poolers' would be what he called 'squeezed out,' and the +gang would get their cash. That was legitimate, too--'high +finance,' he said. + +"'But how about the poor folks that had their savin's in them +stocks,' I asks, 'and don't know high financin'? Where's the law +of supply and demand come in for them?' + +"He laughed. 'They supply the suckers and the demand for money,' +says he. + +"By eleven we was well out toward the fishin' grounds. 'Twas the +bad season now; the big fish had struck off still further and there +wa'n't another boat in sight. The land was just a yeller and green +smooch along the sky line and the waves was runnin' bigger. The +Shootin' Star was seaworthy, though, and I wa'n't worried about +her. The only thing that troubled me was the fog, and that was +pilin' up to wind'ard. I'd called Fatty's attention to it when we +fust started, but he said he didn't care a red for fog. Well, I +didn't much care nuther, for we had a compass aboard and the engine +was runnin' fine. What wind there was was blowin' offshore. + +"And then, all to once, the engine STOPPED runnin'. I give the +wheel a whirl, but she only coughed, consumptive-like, and quit +again. I went for'ard to inspect, and, if you'll believe it, there +wa'n't a drop of gasoline left in the tank. The spare cans had +ought to have been full, and they was--but 'twas water they was +filled with. + +"'Is THIS the way you have your boat ready for me?' I remarks, +sarcastic. + +"'That--that man of mine told me he had everything filled,' he +stammers, lookin' scart. + +"'Yes,' says I, 'and I heard him hint likewise that he was goin' to +make you sorry. I guess he's done it.' + +"Well, sir! the brimstone names that Fatty called that man was +somethin' surprisin' to hear. When he'd used up all he had in +stock he invented new ones. When the praise service was over he +turns to me and says: 'But what are we goin' to do?' + +"'Do?' says I. 'That's easy. We're goin' to drift.' + +"And that's what we done. I tried to anchor, but we wa'n't over +the ledge and the iron wouldn't reach bottom by a mile, more or +less. I rigged up a sail out of the oar and the canvas spray +shield, but there wa'n't wind enough to give us steerageway. So we +drifted and drifted, out to sea. And by and by the fog come down +and shut us in, and that fixed what little hope I had of bein' seen +by the life patrol on shore. + +"The breeze died out flat about three o'clock. In one way this was +a good thing. In another it wa'n't, because we was well out in +deep water, and when the wind did come it was likely to come +harder'n we needed. However, there wa'n't nothin' to do but wait +and hope for the best, as the feller said when his wife's mother +was sick. + +"It was gettin' pretty well along toward the edge of the evenin' +when I smelt the wind a-comin'. It came in puffs at fust, and +every puff was healthier than the one previous. Inside of ten +minutes it was blowin' hard, and the seas were beginnin' to kick +up. I got up my jury rig--the oar and the spray shield--and took +the helm. There wa'n't nothin' to do but run afore it, and the +land knows where we would fetch up. At any rate, if the compass +was right, we was drivin' back into the bay again, for the wind had +hauled clear around. + +"The Shootin' Star jumped and sloshed. Fatty had on all the +ileskins and sweaters, but he was shakin' like a custard pie. + +"'Oh, oh, heavens!' he chatters. 'What will we do? Will we +drown?' + +"'Don't know,' says I, tuggin' at the wheel and tryin' to sight the +compass. 'You've got the best chance of the two of us, if it's +true that fat floats.' + +"I thought that might cheer him up some, but it didn't. A big wave +heeled us over then and a keg or two of salt water poured over the +gunwale. He give a yell and jumped up. + +"'My Lord!' he screams. 'We're sinkin'. Help! help!' + +"'Set down!' I roared. 'Thought you knew how to act in a boat. +Set down! d'you hear me? SET DOWN AND SET STILL!' + +"He set. Likewise he shivered and groaned. It got darker all the +time and the wind freshened every minute. I expected to see that +jury mast go by the board at any time. Lucky for us it held. + +"No use tellin' about the next couple of hours. 'Cordin' to my +reckonin' they was years and we'd ought to have sailed plumb +through the broadside of the Cape, and be makin' a quick run for +Africy. But at last we got into smoother water, and then, right +acrost our bows, showed up a white strip. The fog had pretty well +blowed clear and I could see it. + +"'Land, ho!' I yells. 'Stand by! WE'RE goin' to bump.'" + +Captain Sol stopped short and listened. Mr. Phinney grasped his +arm. + +"For the dear land sakes, Sol," he exclaimed, "don't leave me +hangin' in them breakers no longer'n you can help! Heave ahead! +DID you bump?" + +The depot master chuckled. + +"DID we?" he repeated. "Well, I'll tell you that by and by. Here +comes the train and I better take charge of the ship. Anything so +responsible as seein' the cars come in without me to help would +give Issy the jumpin' heart disease." + +He sprang from the truck and hastened toward the door of the +station. Phinney, rising to follow him, saw, over the dark green +of the swamp cedars at the head of the track, an advancing column +of smoke. A whistle sounded. The train was coming in. + + +CHAPTER II + +SUPPLY AND DEMAND + + +And now life in East Harniss became temporarily fevered. Issy +McKay dashed out of the station and rushed importantly up and down +the platform. Ed Crocker and Cornelius Rowe emerged and draped +themselves in statuesque attitudes against the side of the +building. Obed Gott came hurrying from his paint and oil shop, +which was next to the "general store." Mr. Higgins, proprietor of +the latter, sauntered easily across to receive, in his official +capacity as postmaster, the mail bag. Ten or more citizens, of +both sexes, and of various ages, gathered in groups to inspect and +supervise. + +The locomotive pulled its string of cars, a "baggage," a "smoker," +and two "passengers," alongside the platform. The sliding door of +the baggage car was pushed back and the baggage master appeared in +the opening. "Hi! Cap’n!" he shouted. "Hi, Cap’n Sol! Here’s +some express for you." + +But unfortunately the Captain was in conversation with the +conductor at the other end of the train. Issy, willing and +officious, sprang forward. "I’ll take it, Bill," he volunteered. +"Here, give it to me." + +The baggage master handed down the package, a good sized one marked +"Glass. With Care." Issy received it, clutched it to his bosom, +turned and saw Gertie Higgins, pretty daughter of Beriah Higgins, +stepping from the first car to the platform. Gertie had been +staying with an aunt in Trumet and was now returning home for a day +or two. + +Issy stopped short and gazed at her. He saw her meet and kiss her +father, and the sight roused turbulent emotions in his bosom. He +saw her nod and smile at acquaintances whom she passed. She +approached, noticed him, and--oh, rapture!--said laughingly, +"Hello, Is." Before he could recover his senses and remember to do +more than grin she had disappeared around the corner of the +station. Therefore he did not see the young man who stepped +forward to shake her hand and whisper in her ear. This young man +was Sam Bartlett, and, as a "city dude," Issy loathed and hated him. + +No, Issy did not see the hurried and brief meeting between Bartlett +and Gertie Higgins, but he had seen enough to cause forgetfulness +of mundane things. For an instant he stared after the vanished +vision. Then he stepped blindly forward, tripped over something-- +"his off hind leg," so Captain Sol afterwards vowed--and fell +sprawling, the express package beneath him. + +The crash of glass reached the ears of the depot master. He broke +away from the conductor and ran toward his prostrate "assistant." +Pushing aside the delighted and uproarious bystanders, he forcibly +helped the young man to rise. + +"What in time?" he demanded. + +Issy agonizingly held the package to his ear and shook it. + +"I--I'm afraid somethin's cracked," he faltered. + +The crowd set up a whoop. Ed Crocker appeared to be in danger of +strangling. + +"Cracked!" repeated Captain Sol. "Cracked!" he smiled, in spite of +himself. "Yes, somethin's cracked. It's that head of yours, Issy. +Here, let's see!" + +He snatched the package from the McKay hands and inspected it. + +"Smashed to thunder!" he declared. "Who's the lucky one it belongs +to? Humph!" He read the inscription aloud, "Major Cuthbertson S. +Hardee. The Major, hey! . . . Well, Is, you take the remains +inside and you and I'll hold services over it later." + +"I--I didn't go to do it," protested the frightened Issy. + +"Course you didn't. If you had you wouldn't. You're like the +feller in Scriptur', you leave undone the things you ought to do +and do them that--All right, Jim! Let her go! Cast off!" + +The conductor waved his hand, the engine puffed, the bell rang, and +the train moved onward. For another twelve hours East Harniss was +left marooned by the outside world. + +Beriah Higgins and the mail bag were already in the post office. +Thither went the crowd to await the sorting and ultimate +distribution. A short, fat little man lingered and, walking up to +the depot master, extended his hand. + +"Hello, Sol!" he said, smiling. "Thought I'd stop long enough to +say 'Howdy,' anyhow." + +"Why, Bailey Stitt!" cried the Captain. "How are you? Glad to see +you. Thought you was down to South Orham, takin' out seasick +parties for the Ocean House, same kind of a job I used to have in +Wellmouth." + +"I am," replied Captain Stitt. "That is, I was. Just now I've run +over here to see about contractin' for a supply of clams and +quahaugs for our boarders. You never see such a gang to eat as +them summer folks, in your life. Barzilla Wingate, he says the +same about his crowd. He's comin' on the mornin' train from +Wellmouth." + +"You don't tell me. I ain't seen Barzilla for a long spell. Where +you stoppin'? Come up to the house, won't you?" + +"Can't. I'm goin' to put up over to Obed Gott's. His sister, +Polena Ginn, is a relation of mine by marriage. So long! Obed's +gone on ahead to tell Polena to put the kettle on. Maybe Obed and +I'll be back again after I've had supper." + +"Do. I'll be round here for two or three hours yet." + +He entered the depot. Except the forlorn Issy, who sat in a +corner, holding the express package in his lap, Simeon Phinney was +the only person in the waiting room. + +"Come on now, Sol!" pleaded Sim. "I want to hear the rest of that +about you and Williams. You left off in the most ticklish place +possible, out of spite, I do believe. I'm hangin' on to that boat +in the breakers until I declare I believe I'm catchin' cold just +from imagination." + +"Wait a minute, Sim," said the depot master. Then he turned to his +assistant. + +"Issy," he said, "this is about the nineteenth time you've done +just this sort of thing. You're no earthly use and I ought to give +you your clearance papers. But I can't, you're too--well-- +ornamental. You've got to be punished somehow and I guess the best +way will be to send you right up to Major Hardee's and let you give +him the remnants. He'll want to know how it happened, and you tell +him the truth. The TRUTH, understand? If you invent any fairy +tales out of those novels of yours I'll know it by and by and-- +well, YOU'LL know I know. No remarks, please. Git!" + +Issy hesitated, seemed about to speak, thought better of it, took +up package and cap, and "got." + +"Let's see," said the Captain, sitting down in one of the station +chairs and lighting a fresh cigar; "where was Williams and I in +that yarn of mine? Oh, yes, I could see land and cal'lated we was +goin' to bump. Well, we did. Steerin' anyways but dead ahead was +out of the question, and all I could do was set my teeth and trust +in my bein' a member of the church. The Shootin' Star hit that +beach like she was the real article. Overboard went oar and canvas +and grub pails, and everything else that wa'n't nailed down, +includin' Fatty and me. I grabbed him by the collar and wallowed +ashore. + +"'Awk! hawk!' he gasps, chokin', 'I'm drownded.' + +"I let him BE drownded, for the minute. I had the launch to think +of, and somehow or 'nother I got hold of her rodin' and hauled the +anchor up above tide mark. Then I attended to my passenger. + +"'Where are we?' he asks. + +"I looked around. Close by was nothin' but beach-grass and seaweed +and sand. A little ways off was a clump of scrub pines and +bayberry bushes that looked sort of familiar. And back of them was +a little board shanty that looked more familiar still. I rubbed +the salt out of my eyes. + +"'WELL!' says I. 'I swan to man!' + +"'What is it?' he says. 'Do you know where we are? Whose house is +that?' + +I looked hard at the shanty. + +"'Humph!' I grunted. 'I do declare! Talk about a feller's comin' +back to his own. Whose shanty is that? Well, it's mine, if you +want to know. The power that looks out for the lame and the lazy +has hove us ashore on Woodchuck Island, and that's a piece of real +estate I own.' + +"It sounds crazy enough, that's a fact; but it was true. Woodchuck +Island is a little mite of a sand heap off in the bay, two mile +from shore and ten from the nighest town. I'd bought it and put up +a shanty for a gunnin' shack; took city gunners down there, once in +a while, the fall before. That summer I'd leased it to a friend of +mine, name of Darius Baker, who used it while he was lobsterin'. +The gale had driven us straight in from sea, 'way past Sandy P'int +and on to the island. 'Twas like hittin' a nail head in a board +fence, but we'd done it. Shows what Providence can do when it sets +out. + +"I explained some of this to Williams as we waded through the sand +to the shanty. + +"'But is this Baker chap here now?' he asks. + +"'I'm afraid not,' says I. 'The lobster season's about over, and +he was goin' South on a yacht this week. Still, he wa'n't to go +till Saturday and perhaps--' + +"But the shanty was empty when we got there. I fumbled around in +the tin matchbox and lit the kerosene lamp in the bracket on the +wall. Then I turned to Williams. + +"'Well,' says I, 'we're lucky for once in--' + +"Then I stopped. When he went overboard the water had washed off +his hat. Likewise it had washed off his long black hair--which was +a wig--and his head was all round and shiny and bald, like a gull's +egg out in a rain storm." + +"I knew he wore a wig," interrupted Phinney. + +"Of course you do. Everybody does now. But he wa'n't such a +prophet in Israel then as he's come to be since, and folks wa'n't +acquainted with his personal beauties. + +"'What are you starin' at?' he asks. + +"I fetched a long breath. 'Nothin',' says I. 'Nothin'.' + +"But for the rest of that next ha'f hour I went around in a kind of +daze, as if MY wig had gone and part of my head with it. When a +feller has been doin' a puzzle it kind of satisfies him to find out +the answer. And I'd done my puzzle. + +"I knew where I'd met Mr. Williams afore." + +"You did?" cried Simeon. + +"Um-hm. Wait a while. Well, Fatty went to bed, in one of the hay +bunks, pretty soon after that. He stripped to his underclothes and +turned in under the patchwork comforters. He was too beat out to +want any supper, even if there'd been any in sight. I built a fire +in the rusty cook stove and dried his duds and mine. Then I set +down in the busted chair and begun to think. After a spell I got +up and took account of stock, as you might say, of the eatables in +the shanty. Darius had carted off his own grub and what there was +on hand was mine, left over from the gunnin' season--a hunk of salt +pork in the pickle tub, some corn meal in a tin pail, some musty +white flour in another pail, a little coffee, a little sugar and +salt, and a can of condensed milk. I took these things out of the +locker they was in, looked 'em over, put 'em back again and sprung +the padlock. Then I put the key into my pocket and went back to my +chair to do some more thinkin'. + +"Next mornin' I was up early and when the banker turned out I was +fryin' a couple of slices of the pork and had some coffee b'ilin'. +Likewise there was a pan of johnnycake in the oven. The wind had +gone down consider'ble, but 'twas foggy and thick again, which was +a pleasin' state of things for yours truly. + +"Williams smelt the cookin' almost afore he got his eyes open. + +"'Hurry up with that breakfast,' he says to me. 'I'm hungry as a +wolf.' + +"I didn't say nothin' then; just went ahead with my cookin'. He +got into his clothes and went outdoor. Pretty soon he comes back, +cussin' the weather. + +"'See here, Mr. Williams,' says I, 'how about them orders to your +housekeeper? Are they straight? Won't she have you hunted up for +a week?' + +"He colored pretty red, but from what he said I made out that she +wouldn't. I gathered that him and the old lady wa'n't real chummy. +She give him his grub and her services, and he give her the Old +Harry and her wages. She wouldn't hunt for him, not until she was +ordered to. She'd be only too glad to have him out of the way. + +"'Humph!' says I. 'Then I cal'late we'll enjoy the scenery on this +garden spot of creation until the week's up.' + +"'What do you mean?' says he. + +"'Well,' I says, 'the launch is out of commission, unless it should +rain gasoline, and at this time of year there ain't likely to be a +boat within hailin' distance of this island; 'specially if the +weather holds bad.' + +"He swore a blue streak, payin' partic'lar attention to the +housekeeper for her general stupidness and to me because I'd got +him, so he said, into this scrape. I didn't say nothin'; set the +table, with one plate and one cup and sasser and knife and fork, +hauled up a chair and set down to my breakfast. He hauled up a box +and set down, too. + +"'Pass me that corn bread,' says he. 'And why didn't you fry more +pork?' + +"He was reachin' out for the johnnycake, but I pulled it out of his +way. + +"'Wait a minute, Mr. Williams,' says I. 'While you was snoozin' +last night I made out a kind of manifest of the vittles aboard this +shanty. 'Cordin' to my figgerin' here's scursely enough to last +one husky man a week, let along two husky ones. I paid +consider'ble attention to your preachin' yesterday and the text +seemed to be to look out for number one. Now in this case I'm the +one and I've got to look out for myself. This is my shanty, my +island, and my grub. So please keep your hands off that +johnnycake.' + +"For a minute or so he set still and stared at me. Didn't seem to +sense the situation, as you might say. Then the red biled up in +his face and over his bald head like a Fundy tide. + +"'Why, you dummed villain!' he shouts. 'Do you mean to starve me?' + +"'You won't starve in a week,' says I, helpin' myself to pork. 'A +feller named Tanner, that I read about years ago, lived for forty +days on cold water and nothin' else. There's the pump right over +in the corner. It's my pump, but I'll stretch a p'int and not +charge for it this time.' + +"'You--you--' he stammers, shakin' all over, he was so mad. +'Didn't I hire you--' + +"'You hired me to take you out to the fishin' grounds and back, +provided the launch was made ready by YOU. It wa'n't ready, so +THAT contract's busted. And you was to furnish your extrys and I +was to furnish mine. Here they be and I need 'em. It's as +legitimate a deal as ever I see; perfect case of supply and demand-- +supply for one and demand for two. As I said afore, I'm the one.' + +"'By thunder!' he growls, standin' up, 'I'll show you--' + +"I stood up, too. He was fat and flabby and I was thin and wiry. +We looked each other over. + +"'I wouldn't,' says I. 'You're under the doctor's care, you know.' + +"So he set down again, not havin' strength even to swear, and +watched me eat my breakfast. And I ate it slow. + +"'Say,' he says, finally, 'you think you're mighty smart, don't +you. Well, I'm It, I guess, for this time. I suppose you'll have +no objection to SELLIN' me a breakfast?' + +"'No--o,' says I, 'not a mite of objection. I'll sell you a couple +of slices of pork for five dollars a slice and--' + +"'FIVE DOLLARS a--!' His mouth dropped open like a main hatch. + +"'Sartin,' I says. 'And two slabs of johnnycake at five dollars a +slab. And a cup of coffee at five dollars a cup. And--' + +"'You're crazy!' he sputters, jumpin' up. + +"'Not much, I ain't. I've been settin' at your feet larnin' high +finance, that's all. You don't seem to be onto the real inwardness +of this deal. I've got the grub market cornered, that's all. The +market price of necessaries is five dollars each now; it's likely +to rise at any time, but now it's five.' + +"He looked at me steady for at least two more minutes. Then he got +up and banged out of that shanty. A little later I see him down at +the end of the sand spit starin' out into the fog; lookin' for a +sail, I presume likely. + +"I finished my breakfast and washed up the dishes. He come in by +and by. He hadn't had no dinner nor supper, you see, and the salt +air gives most folks an almighty appetite. + +"'Say,' he says, 'I've been thinkin'. It's usual in the stock and +provision market to deal on a margin. Suppose I pay you a one per +cent margin now and--' + +"'All right,' says I, cheerful. 'Then I'll give you a slip of +paper sayin' that you've bought such and such slices of pork and +hunks of johnnycake and I'm carryin' 'em for you on a margin. Of +course there ain't no delivery of the goods now because--' + +"'Humph!' he interrupts, sour. 'You seem to know more'n I thought +you did. Now are you goin' to be decent and make me a fair price +or ain't you?' + +"'Can't sell under the latest quotations,' says I. 'That's five +now; and spot cash.' + +"'But hang it all!' he says, 'I haven't got money enough with me. +Think I carry a national bank around in my clothes?' + +"'You carry a Wellmouth Bank check book,' says I, 'because I see it +in your jacket pocket last night when I was dryin' your duds. I'll +take a check.' + +"He started to say somethin' and then stopped. After a spell he +seemed to give in all to once. + +"'Very good,' he says. 'You get my breakfast ready and I'll make +out the check.' + +"That breakfast cost him twenty-five dollars; thirty really, +because he added another five for an extry cup of coffee. I told +him to make the check payable to 'Bearer,' as 'twas quicker to +write than 'Solomon.' + +"He had two more meals that day and at bedtime I had his checks +amountin' to ninety-five dollars. The fog stayed with us all the +time and nobody come to pick us up. And the next mornin's outlook +was just as bad, bein' a drizzlin' rain and a high wind. The +mainland beach was in sight but that's all except salt water and +rain. + +"He was surprisin'ly cheerful all that day, eatin' like a horse and +givin' up his meal checks without a whimper. If things had been +different from what they was I'd have felt like a mean sneak thief. +BEIN' as they was, I counted up the hundred and ten I'd made that +day without a pinch of conscience. + +"This was a Wednesday. On Thursday, the third day of our Robinson +Crusoe business, the weather was still thick, though there was +signs of clearin'. Fatty come to me after breakfast--which cost +him thirty-five, payable, as usual, to 'Bearer'--with almost a grin +on his big face. + +"'Berry,' he says, 'I owe you an apology. I thought you was a +green Rube, like the rest down here, but you're as sharp as they +make 'em. I ain't the man to squeal when I get let in on a bad +deal, and the chap who can work me for a sucker is entitled to all +he can make. But this pay-as-you-go business is too slow and +troublesome. What'll you take for the rest of the grub in the +locker there, spot cash? Be white, and make a fair price.' + +"I'd been expectin' somethin' like this, and I was ready for him. + +"'Two hundred and sixty-five dollars,' says I, prompt. + +"He done a little figgerin'. 'Well, allowin' that I have to put up +on this heap of desolation for the better part of four days more, +that's cheap, accordin' to your former rates,' he says. 'I'll go +you. But why not make it two fifty, even?' + +"'Two hundred and sixty-five's my price,' says I. So he handed +over another 'Bearer' check, and his board bill was paid for a +week. + +"Friday was a fine day, clear as a bell. Me and Williams had a +real picnicky, sociable time. Livin' outdoor this way had made him +forget his diseases and the doctor, and he showed signs of bein' +ha'fway decent. We loafed around and talked and dug clams to help +out the pork--that is, I dug 'em and Fatty superintended. We see +no less'n three sailin' craft go by down the bay and tried our best +to signal 'em, but they didn't pay attention--thought we was +gunners or somethin', I presume likely. + +"At breakfast on Saturday, Williams begun to ask questions again. + +"'Sol,' says he, 'it surprised me to find that you knew what a +"margin" was. You didn't get that from anything I said. Where did +you get it?' + +"I leaned back on my box seat. + +"'Mr. Williams,' says I, 'I cal'late I'll tell you a little story, +if you want to hear it. 'Tain't much of a yarn, as yarns go, but +maybe it'll interest you. The start of it goes back to +consider'ble many year ago, when I was poorer'n I be now, and a +mighty sight younger. At that time me and another feller, a +partner of mine, had a fish weir out in the bay here. The mackerel +struck in and we done well, unusual well. At the end of the +season, not countin' what we'd spent for livin' and expenses, we +had a balance owin' us at our fish dealer's up to Boston of five +hundred dollars--two fifty apiece. My partner was goin' to be +married in the spring and was cal'latin' to use his share to buy +furniture for the new house with. So we decided we'd take a trip +up to Boston and collect the money, stick it into some savin's bank +where 'twould draw interest until spring and then haul it out and +use it. 'Twas about every cent we had in the world. + +"'So to Boston we went, collected our money, got the address of a +safe bank and started out to find it. But on the way my partner's +hat blowed off and the bank address, which was on a slip of paper +inside of it, got lost. So we see a sign on a buildin', along with +a lot of others, that kind of suggested bankin', and so we stepped +into the buildin' and went upstairs to ask the way again. + +"'The place wa'n't very big, but 'twas fixed up fancy and there was +a kind of blackboard along the end of the room where a boy was +markin' up figgers in chalk. A nice, smilin' lookin' man met us +and, when we told him what we wanted, he asked us to set down. +Then, afore we knowed it almost, we'd told him the whole story-- +about the five hundred and all. The feller said to hold on a spell +and he'd go along with us and show us where the savin's bank was +himself. + +"'So we waited and all the time the figgers kept goin' up on the +board, under signs of "Pork" and "Wheat" and "Cotton" and such, and +we'd hear how so and so's account was makin' a thousand a day, and +the like of that. After a while the nice man, who it turned out +was one of the bosses of the concern, told us what it meant. +Seemed there was a big "rise" in the market and them that bought +now was bound to get rich quick. Consequent we said we wished we +could buy and get rich, too. And the smilin' chap says, "Let's go +have some lunch."' + +"Williams laughed. 'Ho, ho!' says he. 'Expensive lunch, was it?' + +"'Most extravagant meal of vittles ever I got away with,' I says. +'Cost me and my partner two hundred and fifty apiece, that lunch +did. We stayed in Boston two days, and on the afternoon of the +second day we was on our way back totin' a couple of neat but +expensive slips of paper signifyin' that we'd bought December and +May wheat on a one per cent margin. We was a hundred ahead +already, 'cordin' to the blackboard, and was figgerin' what sort of +palaces we'd build when we cashed in.' + +"'Ain't no use preachin' a long sermon over the remains. 'Twas a +simple funeral and nobody sent flowers. Inside of a month we was +cleaned out and the wheat place had gone out of business--failed, +busted, you understand. Our fish dealer friend asked some +questions, and found out the shebang wa'n't a real stock dealer's +at all. 'Twas what they call a "bucket shop," and we'd bought +nothin' but air, and paid a commission for buyin' it. And the +smilin', nice man that run the swindle had been hangin' on the edge +of bust for a long while and knowed 'twas comin'. Our five hundred +had helped pay his way to a healthier climate, that's all.' + +"'Hold on a minute,' says Fatty, lookin' more interested. 'What +was the name of the firm that took you greenhorns in?' + +"''Twas the Empire Bond, Stock and Grain Exchange,' says I. 'And +'twas on Derbyshire Street.' + +"He give a little jump. Then he says, slow, Hu-u-m! I--see.' + +"'Yes,' says I. 'I thought you would. You had a mustache then and +your name was diff'rent, but you seemed familiar just the same. +When your false hair got washed off I knew you right away.' + +"He took out his pocket pen and his check book and done a little +figgerin'. + +"'Humph!' he says, again. 'You lost five hundred and I've paid you +five hundred and five. What's the five for?' + +"'That's my commission on the sales,' I says. + +"And just then comes a hail from outside the shanty. Out we bolted +and there was Sam Davis, just steppin' ashore from his power boat. +Williams's housekeeper had strained a p'int and had shaded her +orders by a couple of days. + +"Williams and Sam started for home right off. I followed in the +Shootin' Star, havin' borrered gasoline enough for the run. I +reached the dock ha'f an hour after they did, and there was Fatty +waitin' for me. + +"'Berry,' says he, 'I've got a word or two to say to you. I ain't +kickin' at your givin' me tit for tat, or tryin' to. Turn about's +fair play, if you can call the turn. But it's against my +principles to allow anybody to beat me on a business deal. Do you +suppose,' he says, 'that I'd have paid your robber's prices without +a word if I hadn't had somethin' up my sleeve? Why, man,' says he, +'I gave you my CHECKS, not cash. And I've just telephoned to the +Wellmouth Bank to stop payment on those checks. They're no earthly +use to you; see? There's one or two things about high finance that +you don't know even yet. Ho, ho!' + +"And he rocked back and forth on his heels and laughed. + +"I held up my hand. 'Wait a jiffy, Mr. Williams,' says I. 'I +guess these checks are all right. When we fust landed on +Woodchuck, I judged by the looks of the shanty that Baker hadn't +left it for good. I cal'lated he'd be back. And sure enough he +come back, in his catboat, on Thursday evenin', after you'd turned +in. Them checks was payable to "Bearer," you remember, so I give +'em to him. He was to cash 'em in the fust thing Friday mornin', +and I guess you'll find he's done it.'" + +"Well, I swan to MAN!" interrupted the astonished and delighted +Phinney. "So you had him after all! And I was scart you'd lost +every cent." + +Captain Sol chuckled. "Yes," he went on, "I had him, and his eyes +and mouth opened together. + +"'WHAT?' he bellers. 'Do you mean to say that a boat stopped at +that dummed island and DIDN'T TAKE US OFF?' + +"'Oh,' says I, 'Darius didn't feel called on to take you off, not +after I told him who you was. You see, Mr. Williams,' I says, +'Darius Baker was my partner in that wheat speculation I was +tellin' you about.' + +The Captain drew a long breath and re-lit his cigar, which had gone +out. His friend pounded the settee ecstatically. + +"There!" he cried. "I knew the name 'Darius Baker' wa'n't so +strange to me. When was you and him in partners, Sol?" + +"Oh, 'way back in the old days, afore I went to sea at all, and +afore mother died. You wouldn't remember much about it. Mother +and I was livin' in Trumet then and our house here was shut up. I +was only a kid, or not much more, and Williams was young, too." + +"And that's the way he made his money! HIM! Why, he's the most +respected man in this neighborhood, and goes to church, and--" + +"Yes. Well, if you make money ENOUGH you can always be respected-- +by some kinds of people--and find some church that'll take you in. +Ain't that so, Bailey?" + +Captain Stitt and his cousin, Obed Gott, the paint dealer, were +standing in the doorway of the station. They now entered. + +"I guess it's so," replied Stitt, pulling up a chair, "though I +don't know what you was talkin' about. However, it's a pretty +average safe bet that what you say is so, Sol, 'most any time. +What's the special 'so,' this time?" + +"We was talkin' about Mr. Williams," began Phinney. + +"The Grand Panjandrum of East Harniss," broke in the depot master. +"East Harniss is blessed with a great man, Bailey, and, like +consider'ble many blessin's he ain't entirely unmixed." + +Obed and Simeon looked puzzled, but Captain Stitt bounced in his +chair like a good-natured rubber ball. "Ho! ho!" he chuckled, "you +don't surprise me, Sol. We had a great man over to South Orham +three years ago and he begun by blessin's and ended with--with +t'other thing. Ho! ho!" + +"What do you mean?" demanded Sim. + +"Why, I mean Stingy Gabe. You've heard of Stingy Gabe, ain't you?" + +"I guess we've all heard somethin' about him," laughed Captain Sol; +"but we're willin' to hear more. He was a reformer, wa'n't he?" + +"He sartin was! Ho! ho!" + +"For the land sakes, tell it, Bailey," demanded Mr. Gott +impatiently. "Don't sit there bouncin' and gurglin' and gettin' +purple in the face. Tell it, or you'll bust tryin' to keep it in." + +"Oh, it's a great, long--" began Captain Bailey protestingly. + +"Go on," urged Phinney. "We've got more time than anything else, +the most of us. Who was this Stingy Gabe?" + +"Yes," urged Gott, "and what did he reform?" + +Captain Stitt held up a compelling hand. "It's all of a piece," he +interrupted. "It takes in everything, like an eatin'-house stew. +And, as usual in them cases, the feller that ordered it didn't know +what was comin' to him. + +"Stingy Gabe was that feller. His Sunday name was Gabriel Atkinson +Holway, and his dad used to peddle fish from Orham to Denboro and +back. The old man was christened Gabriel, likewise. He owed 'most +everybody, and, besides, was so mean that he kept the scales and +trimmin's of the fish he sold to make chowder for himself and +family. All hands called him 'Stingy Gabe,' and the boy inherited +the name along with the fifteen hundred dollars that the old man +left when he died. He cleared out--young Gabe did--soon as the +will was settled and afore the outstandin' debts was, and nobody in +this latitude see hide nor hair of him till three years ago this +comin' spring. + +"Then, lo and behold you! he drops off the parlor car at the Orham +station and cruises down to South Orham, bald-headed and bay- +windowed, sufferin' from pomp and prosperity. Seems he'd been +spendin' his life cornerin' copper out West and then copperin' the +corners in Wall Street. The folks in his State couldn't put him in +jail, so they sent him to Congress. Now, as the Honorable Atkinson +Holway, he'd come back to the Cape to rest his wrist, which had +writer's cramp from signin' stock certificates, and to ease his +eyes with a sight of the dear old home of his boyhood. + +"Bill Nickerson comes postin' down to me with the news. + +"'Bailey,' says he, 'what do you think's happened? Stingy Gabe's +struck the town.' + +"'For how much?' I asks, anxious. 'Don't let him have it, whatever +'tis.' + +"Then he went on to explain. Gabe was rich as all get out, and +'twas his intention to buy back his old man's house and fix it up +for a summer home. He was delighted to find how little change +there was in South Orham. + +"'No matter if 'tain't but fifteen cents he'll get it, if the +s'lectmen don't watch him,' I says; and the bills, too. I know HIS +tribe.' + +"'You don't understand,' says Nickerson. 'He ain't no thief. He's +rich, I tell you, and he's cal'latin' to do the town good.' + +"'Course he is,' I says. 'It runs in the family. His dad done it +good, too--good as 'twas ever done, I guess.' + +"But next day Gabe himself happens along, and I see right off that +I'd made a mistake in my reckonin'. The Honorable Atkinson Holway +wa'n't figgerin' to borrow nothin'. When a chap has been skinnin' +halibut, minnows are too small for him to bother with. Gabe was +full of fried clams and philanthropy. + +"'By Jove! Stitt,' he says, 'livin' here has been the dream of my +life.' + +"'You'll be glad to wake up, won't you?' says I. 'I wish I could.' + +"'I tell you,' he says, 'this little old village is all right! All +it needs is a public-spirited resident to help it along. I propose +to be the P. S. R.' + +"And on that program he started right in. Fust off he bought his +dad's old place, built it over into the eight-sided palace that's +there now, fetched down a small army of servants skippered by an +old housekeeper, and commenced to live simple but complicated. +Then, havin' provided the needful charity for himself, he's ready +to scatter manna for the starvin' native. + +"He had a dozen schemes laid out. One was to build a free but +expensive library; another was to pave the main road with brick; +third was to give stained-glass windows and velvet cushions to the +meetin' house, so's the congregation could sleep comfortable in a +subdued light. The stained-glass idee put him in close touch with +the minister, Reverend Edwin Fisher, and the minister suggested the +men's club. And he took to that men's club scheme like an old maid +to strong tea; the rest of the improvements went into dry dock to +refit while Admiral Gabe got his men's club off the ways. + +"'Twas the billiard room that made the minister hanker for a men's +club. That billiard room was the worry of his life. Old man +Jotham Gale run it and had run it sence the Concord fight, in a way +of speakin'. You remember his sign, maybe: 'Jotham W. Gale. +Billiard, Pool, and Sipio Saloon. Cigars and Tobacco. Tonics and +Pipes. Minors under Ten Years of Age not Admitted.' Jotham's +customers was called, by the outsiders, 'the billiard-room gang.' + +"The billiard room gang wa'n't the best folks in town, I'll own +right up to that. Still, they wa'n't so turrible wicked. Jotham +never sold rum, and he'd never allow no rows in his place. But, +just the same, his saloon was reckoned a bad influence. Young men +hadn't ought to go there--most of us said that. If there was a +nicer place TO go, argues the minister, 'twould help the moral tone +of the community consider'ble. 'Why not,' says he to Stingy Gabe, +'start a free club for men that'll make the billiard room look like +the tail boat in a race?' And says Gabe: 'Bully! I'll do it.'" + +Captain Stitt paused long enough to enjoy a chuckle all by himself. +Before he had quite finished his laugh, slow and reluctant steps +were heard on the back platform and Issy appeared on the threshold. +He was without the package, but did not look happy. + +"Well, Is," inquired the depot master, "did you give the remains to +the Major?" + +"Yes, sir," answered Issy. + +"Did you tell him how the shockin' fatality happened? How the +thing got broken?" + +"Yes, sir, I told him." + +"What did he say? Didn't let his angry passions rise, did he?" + +"No-o; no, sir, he didn't rise nothin'. He didn't get mad neither. +But you could see he felt pretty bad. Talked about 'old family +glass' and 'priceless airloons' or some such. Said much as he +regretted to, he should feel it no more'n justice to have somebody +pay damages." + +"Humph!" Captain Sol looked very grave. "Issy, I can see your +finish. You'll have to pay for somethin' that's priceless, and how +are you goin' to do that? 'Old family glass,' hey? Hum! And I +thought I saw the label of a Boston store on that package." + +Obed Gott leaned forward eagerly. + +"Is that Major Hardee you're talkin' about?" he asked. + +"Yes, sir. He's the only Major we've got. Cap'ns are plenty as +June bugs, but Majors and Gen'rals are scarce. Why?" + +"Oh, nothin'. Only--" Mr. Gott muttered the remainder of the +sentence under his breath. However, the depot master heard it and +his eye twinkled. + +"You're glad of it!" he exclaimed. "Why, Obed! Major Cuthbertson +Scott Hardee! I'm surprised. Better not let the women folks hear +you say that." + +"Look here!" cried Captain Stitt, rather tartly, "am I goin' to +finish that yarn of mine or don't you want to hear it?" + +"BEG your pardon, Bailey. Go on. The last thing you said was what +Stingy Gabe said, and that was--" + + +CHAPTER III + +"STINGY GABE" + + +"And that," said Captain Bailey, mollified by the renewed interest +of his listeners, "was, 'Bully! I'll do it!' + +"So he calls a meetin' of everybody interested, at his new house. +About every respectable man in town was there, includin' me. Most +of the billiard-room gang was there, likewise. Jotham, of course, +wa'n't invited. + +"Gabe calls the meetin' to order and the minister makes a speech +tellin' about the scheme. 'Our generous and public-spirited +citizen, Honorable Atkinson Holway,' had offered to build a +suitable clubhouse, fix it up, and donate it to the club, them and +their heirs forever, Amen. 'Twas to belong to the members to do +what they pleased with--no strings tied to it at all. Dues would +be merely nominal, a dollar a year or some such matter. Now, who +favored such a club as that? + +"Well, 'most everybody did. Daniel Bassett, chronic politician, +justice of the peace, and head of the 'Conservatives' at town +meetin', he made a talk, and in comes him and his crew. Gaius +Ellis, another chronic, who is postmaster and skipper of the +'Progressives,' had been fidgetin' in his seat, and now up he bobs +and says he's for it; then every 'Progressive' jines immediate. +But the billiard-roomers; they didn't jine. They looked sort of +sheepish, and set still. When Mr. Fisher begun to hint p'inted in +their direction, they got up and slid outdoor. And right then I'd +ought to have smelt trouble, but I didn't; had a cold in my head, I +guess likely. + +"Next thing was to build the new clubhouse, and Gabe went at it +hammer and tongs. He had a big passel of carpenters down from the +city, and inside of three months the buildin' was up, and she was a +daisy, now I tell you. There was a readin' room and a meetin' room +and an 'amusement room.' The amusements was crokinole and parchesi +and checkers and the like of that. Also there was a gymnasium and +a place where you could play the pianner and sing--till the +sufferin' got acute and somebody come along and abated you. + +"When I fust went inside that clubhouse I see 'twas bound to be +'Good-by, Bill,' for Jotham. His customers would shake his ratty +old shanty for sartin, soon's they see them elegant new rooms. I +swan, if I didn't feel sorry for the old reprobate, and, thinks I, +I'll drop around and sympathize a little. Sympathy don't cost +nothin', and Jotham's pretty good company. + +"I found him settin' alongside the peanut roaster, watchin' a +couple of patients cruelize the pool table. + +"'Hello, Bailey!' says he. 'You surprise me. Ain't you 'fraid of +catchin' somethin' in this ha'nt of sin? Have a chair, anyhow. +And a cigar, won't you?' + +"I took the chair, but I steered off from the cigar, havin' had +experience. Told him I guessed I'd use my pipe. He chuckled. + +"'Fur be it from me to find fault with your judgment,' he says. +'Terbacker does smoke better'n anything else, don't it.' + +"We set there and puffed for five minutes or so. Then he sort of +jumped. + +"'What's up?' says I. + +"'Oh, nothin'!' he says. 'Bije Simmons got a ball in the pocket, +that's all. Don't do that too often, Bije; I got a weak heart. +Well, Bailey,' he adds, turnin' to me, 'Gabe's club's fixed up +pretty fine, ain't it?' + +"'Why, yes,' I says; ''tis.' + +"'Finest ever I see,' says he. 'I told him so when I was in +there.' + +"'What?' says I. 'You don't mean to say YOU'VE been in that +clubroom?' + +"'Sartin. Why not? I want to take in all the shows there is-- +'specially the free ones. Make a good billiard room, that +clubhouse would.' + +"I whistled. 'Whew!' says I. 'Didn't tell Gabe THAT, did you?' + +"He nodded. 'Yup,' says he. 'I told him.' + +"I whistled again. 'What answer did he make?' I asked. + +"'Oh, he wa'n't enthusiastic. Seemed to cal'late I'd better shut +up my head and my shop along with it, afore he knocked off one and +his club knocked out t'other.' + +"I pitied the old rascal; I couldn't help it. + +"'Jotham,' says I, 'I ain't the wust friend you've got in South +Orham, even if I don't play pool much. If I was you I'd clear out +of here and start somewheres else. You can't fight all the best +folks in town.' + +"He didn't make no answer. Just kept on a-puffin'. I got up to +go. Then he laid his hand on my sleeve. + +"'Bailey,' says he, 'when Betsy Mayo was ailin', her sister's tribe +was all for the Faith Cure and her husband's relations was high for +patent medicine. When the Faith Curists got to workin', in would +come some of the patent mediciners and give 'em the bounce. And +when THEY went home for the night, the Faithers would smash all the +bottles. Finally they got so busy fightin' 'mong themselves that +Betsy see she was gettin' no better fast, and sent for the reg'lar +doctor. HE done the curin', and got the pay.' + +"'Well,' says I, 'what of it?' + +"'Nothin',' says he. 'Only I've been practisin' a considerable +spell. So long. Come in again some time when it's dark and the +respectable element can't see you.' + +"I went away thinkin' hard. And next mornin' I hunted up Gabe, and +says I: + +"'Mr. Holway,' I says, 'what puzzles me is how you're goin' to +elect the officers for the new club. Put up a Conservative and the +Progressives resign. H'ist the Progressive ensign and the +Conservatives'll mutiny. As for the billiard-roomers--providin' +any jine--they've never been known to vote for anybody but +themselves. I can't see no light yet--nothin' but fog.' + +"He winks, sly and profound. 'That's all right,' says he. 'Fisher +and I have planned that. You watch!' + +"Sure enough, they had. The minister was mighty popular, so, when +'twas out that he was candidate to be fust president of the club, +all hands was satisfied. Two vice presidents was named--one bein' +Bassett and t'other Ellis. Secretary was a leadin' Conservative; +treasurer a head Progressive. Officers and crew was happy and +mutiny sunk ten fathoms. ONLY none of the billiard-room gang had +jined, and they was the fish we was really tryin' for. + +"'Twas next March afore one of 'em did come into the net, though +we'd have on all kinds of bait--suppers and free ice cream Saturday +nights, and the like of that. And meantime things had been +happenin'. + +"The fust thing of importance was Gabe's leavin' town. Our Cape +winter weather was what fixed him. He stood the no'theasters and +Scotch drizzles till January, and then he heads for Key West and +comfort. Said his heart still beat warm for his native village, +but his feet was froze--or words similar. He cal'lated to be back +in the spring. Then the Reverend Fisher got a call to somewheres +in York State, and felt he couldn't afford not to hear it. Nobody +blamed him; the salary paid a minister in South Orham is enough to +make any feller buy patent ear drums. But that left our men's club +without either skipper or pilot, as you might say. + +"One week after the farewell sermon, Daniel Bassett drops in casual +on me. He was passin' around smoking material lavish and +regardless. + +"'Stitt,' says he, 'you've always voted for Conservatism in our +local affairs, haven't you?' + +"'Well,' says I, 'I didn't vote to roof the town hall with a new +mortgage, if that's what you mean.' + +"'Exactly,' he says. 'Now, our men's club, while not as yet the +success we hoped for, has come to be a power for good in our +community. It needs for its president a conservative, thoughtful +man. Bailey,' he says, 'it has come to my ears that Gaius Ellis +intends to run for that office. You know him. As a taxpayer, as a +sober, thoughtful citizen, my gorge rises at such insolence. I +protest, sir! I protest against--' + +"He was standin' up, makin' gestures with both arms, and he had his +town-meetin' voice iled and runnin'. I was too busy to hanker for +a stump speech, so I cut across his bows. + +"'All right, all right,' says I. 'I'll vote for you, Dan.' + +"He fetched a long breath. 'Thank you,' says he. 'Thank you. +That makes ten. Ellis can count on no more than nine. My election +is assured.' + +"Seein' that there wa'n't but nineteen reg'lar voters who come to +the club meetin's, if Bassett had ten of 'em it sartin did look as +if he'd get in. But on election night what does Gaius Ellis do but +send a wagon after old man Solomon Peavey, who'd been dry docked +with rheumatiz for three months, and Sol's vote evened her up. +'Twas ten to ten, a deadlock, and the election was postponed for +another week. + +"This was of a Tuesday. On Wednesday I met Bije Simmons, the chap +who was playin' pool at Jotham's. + +"'Hey, Bailey!' says he. 'Shake hands with a brother. I'm goin' +to jine the men's club.' + +"'You BE?' says I, surprised enough, for Simmons was a billiard- +roomer from 'way back. + +"'Yup,' he says. 'I'll be voted in at next meetin', sure. I'm +studyin' up on parchesi now.' + +"'Hum!' I says, thinkin'. 'How you goin to vote?' + +"'Me?' says he. 'Me? Why, man, I wonder at you! Can't you see +the fires of Conservatism blazin' in my eyes? I'm Conservative +bred and Conservative born, and when I'm dead there'll be a +Conservative gone. By, by. See you Tuesday night.' + +"He went off, stoppin' everybody he met to tell 'em the news. And +on Thursday Ed Barnes dropped in to pay me the seventy-five cents +he'd borrowed two years ago come Fourth of July. When I'd got over +the fust shock and had counted the money three times, I commenced +to ask questions. + +"'Somebody die and will you a million, Ed?' I wanted to know. + +"'No,' says he. 'It's the reward of virtue. I'm goin' to be a +better man. I'm jinin' the men's club.' + +"'NO!' says I, for Ed was as strong a billiard-roomer as Bije. + +"'Sure!' he answers. 'I'm filled full of desires for crokinole and +progressiveness. See you Tuesday night at the meetin'.' + +"And, would you b'lieve it, at that meetin' no less'n six confirmed +members of the billiard-room gang was voted into the men's club. +'Twas a hallelujah gatherin'. I couldn't help thinkin' how glad +and proud Gabe and Mr. Fisher would have been to see their dreams +comin' true. But Bassett and Ellis looked more worried than glad, +and when the votin' took place I understood the reason. Them new +members had divided even, and the ballots stood Bassett thirteen +and Ellis thirteen. The tie was still on and the election was put +off for another week. + +"In that week, surprisin' as it may seem, two more billiard-roomers +seen a light and jined with us. However, one was for Bassett and +t'other for Ellis, so the deadlock wa'n't broken. Jotham had only +a couple of his reg'lars left, and I swan to man if THEY didn't +catch the disease inside of the follerin' fortni't and hand in +their names. The 'Billiard, Pool, and Sipio Saloon,' from bein' +the liveliest place in town, was now the deadest. Through the +window you could see poor Jotham mopin' lonesome among his peanuts +and cigars. The sayin' concernin' the hardness of the +transgressor's sleddin' was workin' out for HIM, all right. But +the conversions had come so sudden that I couldn't understand it, +though I did have some suspicions. + +"'Look here, Dan,' says I to Bassett, 'are you goin' to keep this +up till judgment? There ain't but thirty votin' names in this +place--except the chaps off fishin', and they won't be back till +fall. Fifteen is for you and fifteen for Gaius. Most astonishin' +agreement of difference ever I see. We'll never have a president, +at this rate.' + +"He winked. 'Won't, hey?' he says. 'Sure you've counted right? I +make it thirty-one.' + +"'I don't see how,' says I, puzzled. 'Nobody's left outside the +club but Jotham himself, and he--' + +"'That's all right,' he interrupts, winkin' again. 'You be on hand +next Tuesday night. You can't always tell, maybe somethin'll +happen.' + +"I was on hand, all right, and somethin' did happen, two +somethin's, in fact. We hadn't much more'n got in our seats afore +the door opened, and in walked Gaius Ellis, arm in arm with a man; +and the man was the Honorable Stingy Gabe Atkinson Holway. + +"'Gentlemen,' sings out Gaius, bubblin' over with joy, 'I propose +three cheers for our founder, who has returned to us after his long +absence.' + +"We give the cheers--that is, some of the folks did. Bassett and +our gang wa'n't cheerin' much; they looked as if somebody had +passed 'em a counterfeit note. You see, Gabe Holway was one of the +hide-boundest Progressives afloat, and a blind man could see who'd +got him back again and which way he'd vote. It sartinly looked bad +for Bassett now. + +"Gaius proposes that, out of compliment, as founder of the club, +Mr. Holway be asked to preside. So he was asked, though the +Conservatives wa'n't very enthusiastic. Gabe took the chair, +preached a little sermon about bein' glad to see his native home +once more, and raps for order. + +"'If there's no other business afore the meetin',' says he, 'we +will proceed to ballot for president.' + +"But it turned out that there was other business. Dan Bassett riz +to his feet and commenced one of the most feelin' addresses ever I +listened to. + +"Fust he congratulated all hands upon the success of Mr. Holway's +philanthropic scheme for the betterment of South Orham's male +citizens. Jeered at at fust by the unregenerate, it had gone on, +winnin' its way into the hearts of the people, until one by one the +said unregenerate had regenerated, and now the club numbered thirty +souls and the Honorable Atkinson. + +"'But,' says Dan, wavin' his arms, 'one man yet remains outside. +One lone man! The chief sinner, you say? Yes, I admit it. But, +gentlemen, a repentant sinner. Alone he sits amid the wreck of his +business--a business wrecked by us, gentlemen--without a customer, +without a friend. Shall it be said that the free and open-handed +men's club of South Orham turned its back upon one man, merely +because he HAS been what he was? Gentlemen, I have talked with +Jotham Gale; he is old, he is friendless, he no longer has a means +of livelihood--we have taken it from him. We have turned his +followers' steps to better paths. Shall we not turn his, also? +Gentlemen and friends, Jotham Gale is repentant, he feels his +ostrichism'--whatever he meant by that--'he desires to become self- +respecting, and he asks us to help him. He wishes to join this +club. Gentlemen, I propose for membership in our association the +name of Jotham W. Gale.' + +"He set down and mopped his face. And the powwow that broke loose +was somethin' tremendous. Of course 'twas plain enough what Dan's +game was. This was the 'somethin'' that was goin' to happen. + +"Ellis see the way the land lay, and he bounces up to protest. +'Twas an outrage; a scandal; ridiculous; and so forth, and so on. +Poor Gabe didn't know what to do, and so he didn't do nothin'. A +head Conservative seconds Jotham's nomination. 'Twas put to a vote +and carried easy. Dan's speech had had its effect and a good many +folks voted out of sympathy. How did I vote? I'LL never tell you. + +"And then Bassett gets up, smilin', goes to the outside door, opens +it, and leads in the new member. He'd been waitin' on the steps, +it turned out. Jotham looked mighty quiet and meek. I pitied the +poor old codger more'n ever. Snaked in, he was, out of the wet, +like a yeller dog, by the club that had kicked him out of his own +shop. + +"Chairman Gabe pounds for order, and suggests that the votin' can +go on. But Ellis jumps up, and says he: + +"'What's the sense of votin' now?' he asks sarcastic. 'Will the +lost lamb we've just yanked into the fold have the face to stand up +and bleat that he hasn't promised to vote Conservative? Dan +Bassett, of all the contemptible tricks that ever--' + +"Bassett's face was redder'n a ripe tomatter. He shakes his fist +in Gaius's face and yells opinions and comments. + +"'Don't you talk to me about tricks, you ward-heeler!' he hollers. +'Why did you fetch Mr. Holway back home? Why did you, hey? That +was the trickiest trick that I--' + +"Gabe pretty nigh broke his mallet thumpin'. + +"'Gentlemen! gentlemen!' says he. 'This is most unseemly. Sit +down, if you PLEASE. Mr. Ellis, when the purpose of this +association is considered, it seems to me very wrong to find fault +because the chief of our former antagonists has seen the error of +his ways and become one of us. Mr. Bassett, I do not understand +your intimation concernin' myself. I shall adjourn this meetin' +until next Friday evenin', gentlemen. Meanwhile, let us remember +that we ARE gentlemen.' + +"He thumped the desk once, and parades out of the buildin', +dignified as Julius Caesar. The rest of us toddled along after +him, all talkin' at once. Bassett and Ellis glowered at each other +and hove out hints about what would happen afore they got through. +'Twas half-past ten afore I got to bed that night, and Sarah J.-- +that's Mrs. Stitt--kept me awake another hour explainin' whys and +wherefores. + +"For the next three days nobody done anything but knock off work +and talk club politics. You'd see 'em on the corners and in the +post office and camped on the meetin'-house steps, arguin' and +jawin'. Dan and Gaius was hurryin' around, moppin' their foreheads +and lookin' worried. On Thursday there was all sorts of rumors +afloat. Finally they all simmered down to one, and that one was +what made me stop Stingy Gabe on the street and ask for my +bearin's. + +"'Mr. Holway,' says I, 'is it true that Dan and Gaius have resigned +and agreed to vote for somebody else?' + +"He nodded, grand and complacent. + +"'Then who's the somebody?' says I. 'For the land sakes! tell me. +It's as big a miracle as the prodigal son.' + +"I remember now that the prodigal son ain't a miracle, but I was +excited then. + +"'Stitt,' says he, 'I am the "somebody," as you call it. I have +decided to let my own wishes and inclinations count for nothin' in +this affair, and to accept the office of president myself. It will +be announced at the meetin'.' + +"I whistled. 'By gum!' says I. 'You've got a great head, Mr. +Holway, and I give you public credit for it. It's the only course +that ain't full of breakers. Did you think of it yourself?' + +"He colored up a little. 'Why, no, not exactly,' he says. 'The +fact is, the credit belongs to our new member, Mr. Gale.' + +"'To JOTHAM?' says I, astonished. + +"'Yes. He suggested my candidacy, as a compromise. Said that he, +for one, would be proud to vote for me. Mr. Gale seems thoroughly +repentant, a changed man. I am counting on him for great things in +the future.' + +"So the fuss seemed settled, thanks to the last person on earth +you'd expect would be peacemaker. But that afternoon I met Darius +Tompkins, Bassett's right-hand man. + +"'Bailey,' says he, 'you're a Conservative, ain't you? You're for +Dan through thick and thin?' + +"'Why!' says I, 'I understand Dan and Gaius are both out of it now, +and it's settled on Holway. Dan's promised to vote for him.' + +"'HE has,' says Tompkins, with a wink, 'but the rest of us ain't. +We pledged our votes to Dan Bassett, and we ain't the kind to go +back on our word. Dan himself'll vote for Gabe; so'll Gaius and +his reg'lar tribe. That'll make twelve, countin' Holway's own.' + +"'Make seventeen, you mean,' says I. 'Gaius and his crowd's +fifteen and Dan's sixteen and Gabe's seven--' + +"He winked again, and interrupted me. 'You're countin' wrong, my +boy,' says he. 'Five of Gaius's folks come from the old billiard- +room gang. Just suppose somethin' happened to make that five vote, +on the quiet, for Bassett. Then--' + +"A customer come in then, and Tompkins had to leave; but afore he +went he got me to one side and whispers: + +"'Keep mum, old man, and vote straight for Dan. We'll show old +Holway that we can't be led around by the nose.' + +"'Tompkins,' says I, 'I know your head well enough to be sartin +that it didn't work this out by itself. And why are you so sure of +the billiard roomers? Who put you up to this?' + +"He rapped the side of his nose. 'The smartest politician in this +town,' says he, 'and the oldest--J. W. Gale, Esq.! S-s-sh-h! +Don't say nothin'.' + +"I didn't say nothin'. I was past talk. And that evenin' as I +went past the billiard room on my way home, who should come out of +it but Gaius Ellis, and HE looked as happy as Tompkins had. + +"Friday night that clubroom was filled. Every member was there, +and most of 'em had fetched their wives and families along to see +the fun. There was whisperin' and secrecy everywheres. Honorable +Gabe took the chair and makes announcements that the shebang is +open for business. + +"Up gets Dave Bassett and all but sheds tears. He says that he +made up his mind to vote, not for himself, but for the founder and +patron of the club, the Honorable Atkinson Holway. He spread it +over Gabe thick as sugar on a youngster's cake. And when he set +down all hands applauded like fury. But I noticed that he hadn't +spoke for nary Conservative but himself. + +"Then Gaius Ellis rises and sobs similar. He's stopped votin' for +himself, too. His ballot is for that grand and good man, Gabriel +Atkinson Holway, Esq. More applause and hurrahs. + +"And then who should get up but Jotham Gale. He talks humble, like +a has-been that knows he's a back number, but he says it's his +privilege to cast his fust vote in that club for Mr. Holway, South +Orham's pride. Nobody was expectin' him to say anything, and the +cheers pretty nigh broke the winders. + +"Gabe was turrible affected by the soft soap, you could see that. +He fairly sobbed as he sprinkled gratitude and acceptances. When +the agony was over, he says the votin' can begin. + +"I cal'lated he expected somebody'd move to make it unanimous, but +they didn't. So the blank ballots was handed around, and the +pencils got busy. Gabe app'ints three tellers, Bassett and Ellis, +of course, for two--and the third, Jotham Gale. + +"'As a compliment to our newest member,' says the chairman, smilin' +philanthropic. + +"When the votes was in the hat, the tellers retired to the +amusement room to count up. It took a long time. I see the +Conservatives and Progressives nudgin' each other and winkin' back +and forth. Five minutes, then ten, then fifteen. + +"And all of a sudden the biggest row bu'st loose in that amusement +room that ever you heard. Rattlety--bang! Biff! Smash! The door +flew open, and in rolled Bassett and Ellis, all legs and arms. +Gabe and some of the rest hauled 'em apart and held 'em so, but the +language them two hove at each other was enough to bring down a +judgment. + +"'Gentlemen! gentlemen!' hollers poor Gabe. 'What in the world? I +am astounded! I--' + +"'You miserable traitor!' shrieks Gaius, wavin' a fist at Dan. + +"'You low-down hound!' whoops Dan back at him. + +"'Silence!' bellers Gabe, poundin' thunder storms on the desk. +'Will some one explain why these maniacs are-- Ah, Mr. Gale--thank +goodness, YOU at least are sane!' + +"Jotham walks to the front of the platform. He was holdin' the hat +and a slip of paper with the result set down on it. + +"'Ladies and feller members,' says he, 'there's been some +surprisin' votin' done in this election. Things ain't gone as we +cal'lated they would, somehow. Mr. Holway, your election wa'n't +unanimous, after all.' + +"The way he said it made most everybody think Gabe was elected, +anyhow, and I guess Holway thought so himself, for he smiled +forgivin' and says: + +"'Never mind, Mr. Gale,' says he. 'A unanimous vote was perhaps +too much to expect. Go on.' + +"'Yes,' says Jotham. 'Well, here's the way it stands. I'll read +it to you.' + +"He fixes his specs and reads like this: + +"'Number of votes cast, 32.' + +"'Honorable Atkinson Holway has 4.' + +"'WHAT?' gasps Stingy Gabe, fallin' into his chair. + +"'Yes, sir,' says Jotham. 'It's a shame, I know, but it looks as +nobody voted for you, Mr. Holway, but yourself and me and Dan and +Gaius. To proceed: + +"'Daniel Bassett has 9.' + +"The Conservatives and their women folks fairly groaned out loud. +Tompkins jumped to his feet, but Jotham held up a hand. + +"'Just a moment, D'rius,' he says. 'I ain't through yet.' + +"'Gaius Ellis has 9.' + +"Then 'twas the Progressives' turn to groan. The racket and hubbub +was gettin' louder all the time. + +"'There's ten votes left,' goes on Jotham, 'and they bear the name +of Jotham W. Gale. I can't understand it, but it does appear that +I'm elected president of this 'ere club. Gentlemen, I thank you +for the honor, which is as great as 'tis unexpected.' + +"Gabe and the Progressives and the Conservatives set and looked at +each other. And up jumps 'Bije Simmons, and calls for three cheers +for the new president. + +"Nobody jined in them cheers but the old billiard room gang; they +did, though, every one of 'em, and Jotham smiled fatherly down on +his flock. + +"I s'pose there ain't no need of explainin'. Jotham had worked it +all, from the very fust. When the tie business begun and Gaius and +Dan was bribin' the billiard roomers to jine the club, 'twas him +that fixed how they should vote so's to keep the deadlock goin'. +'Twas him that put Bassett up to proposin' him as a member. 'Twas +him that suggested Gabe's comin' back to Gaius. 'Twas him that-- +But what's the use? 'Twas him all along. He was IT. + +"That night everybody but the billiard-room gang sent in their +resignation to that club. We refused to be bossed by such people. +Gabe resigned, too. He was disgusted with East Harniss and all +hands in it. He'd have took back the clubhouse, but he couldn't, +as the deed of gift was free and clear. But he swore he'd never +give it another cent. + +"Folks thought that would end the thing, because it wouldn't be +self-supportin', but Jotham had different idees. He simply moved +his pool tables and truck up from the old shop, and now he's got +the finest place of the kind on the Cape, rent free. + +"'I told you 'twould make a good billiard saloon, didn't I, +Bailey?' he says, chucklin'. + +"'Jotham,' says I, 'of your kind you're a perfect wonder.' + +"'Well,' says he, 'I diagnosed that men's club as sufferin' from +acute politics. I've been doctorin' that disease for a long time. +The trouble with you reformers,' he adds, solemn, 'is that, when it +comes to political doin's, you ain't practical.' + +"As for Stingy Gabe, he shut up his fine house and moved to New +York. Said he was through with helpin' the moral tone. + +"'When I die,' he says to me, 'if I go to the bad place I may start +in reformin' that. It don't need it no more'n South Orham does, +but 'twill be enough sight easier job.' + +"And," concluded Captain Stitt, as soon as he could be heard above +the "Haw! haws!" caused by the Honorable Holway's final summing-up +of his native town, "I ain't so sure that he was greatly mistook. +What do you think, Sol?" + +The depot master shook his head. "Don't know, Bailey," he +answered, dryly. "I'll have to visit both places 'fore I give an +opinion. I HAVE been to South Orham, but the neighborhood that +your friend Gabe compared it to I ain't seen--yet. I put on that +'yet,'" he added, with a wink, "'cause I knew Sim Phinney would if +I didn't." + +Captain Bailey rose and covered a yawn with a plump hand. + +"I believe I'll go over to Obed's and turn in," he said. "I'm +sleepy as a minister's horse tonight. You don't mind, do you, +Obed?" + +"No-o," replied Mr. Gott, slowly. "No, I don't, 'special. I kind +of thought I'd run into the club a few minutes and see some of the +other fellers. But it ain't important--not very." + +The "club" was one of the rooms over Mr. Higgins's store and post +office. It had been recently fitted up with chairs and tables from +its members' garrets and, when the depot and store were closed, was +a favorite gathering place of those reckless ones who cared to "set +up late"--that is, until eleven o'clock. Most of the men in town +belonged, but many, Captain Berry among them, visited the room but +seldom. + +"Checkers," said the depot master, referring to the "club's" +favorite game, "is too deliberately excitin' for me. To watch +Beriah Higgins and Ezra Weeks fightin' out a game of checkers is +like gettin' your feet froze in January and waitin' for spring to +come and thaw 'em out. It's a numbin' kind of dissipation." + +But Obed Gott was a regular attendant at the "club," and to-night +he had a particular reason for wishing to be there. His cousin +noticed his hesitation and made haste to relieve his mind. + +"That's all right, Obed," he said, "go to the club, by all means. +I ain't such a stranger at your house that I can't find my way to +bed without help. Good-night, Sim. Good-night, Issy. Cheer up; +maybe the Major's glassware IS priceless. So long, Cap'n Sol. See +you again some time tomorrer." + +He and Mr. Gott departed. The depot master rose from his chair. +"Issy," he commanded, "shut up shop." + +Issy obeyed, closing the windows and locking the front door. +Captain Sol himself locked the ticket case and put the cash till +into the small safe. + +"That'll do, Is," said the Captain. "Good-night. Don't worry too +much over the Major's glass. I'll talk with him, myself. You +dream about pleasanter things--your girl, if you've got one." + +That was a chance shot, but it struck Issy in the heart. Even +during his melancholy progress to and from Major Hardee's, the +vision of Gertie Higgins had danced before his greenish-blue eyes. +His freckles were engulfed in a surge of blushes as, with a +stammered "Night, Cap'n Berry," he hurried out into the moonlight. + +The depot master blew out the lamps. "Come on, Sim," he said, +briefly. "Goin' to walk up with me, or was YOU goin' to the club?" + +"Cal'late I'll trot along with you, if you don't mind. I'd just as +soon get home early and wrastle with the figures on that Williams +movin' job." + +They left the depot, locked and dark, passed the "general store," +where Mr. Higgins was putting out his lights prior to adjournment +to the "club" overhead, walked up Main Street to Cross Street, +turned and began climbing the hill. Simeon spoke several times but +his friend did not answer. A sudden change had come over him. The +good spirits with which he told of his adventure with Williams and +which had remained during Phinney's stay at the depot, were gone, +apparently. His face, in the moonlight, was grave and he strode +on, his hands in his pockets. + +At the crest of the hill he stopped. + +"Good-night, Sim," he said, shortly, and, turning, walked off. + +The building mover gazed after him in surprise. The nearest way to +the Berry home was straight down Cross Street, on the other side of +the hill, to the Shore Road, and thence along that road for an +eighth of a mile. The Captain's usual course was just that. But +to-night he had taken the long route, the Hill Boulevard, which +made a wide curve before it descended to the road below. + +Sim, who had had a shrewd suspicion concerning his friend's silence +and evident mental disturbance, stood still, looking and wondering. +Olive Edwards, Captain Berry's old sweetheart, lived on the +Boulevard. She was in trouble and the Captain knew it. He had +asked, that very evening, what she was going to do when forced to +move. Phinney could not tell him. Had he gone to find out for +himself? Was the mountain at last coming to Mohammed? + +For some minutes Simeon remained where he was, thinking and +surmising. Then he, too, turned and walked cautiously up the +Boulevard. He passed the Williams mansion, its library windows +ablaze. He passed the twenty-five room "cottage" of the gentleman +from Chicago. Then he halted. Opposite him was the little Edwards +dwelling and shop. The curtains were up and there was a lamp +burning on the small counter. Beside the lamp, in a rocking chair, +sat Olive Edwards, the widow, sewing. As he gazed she dropped the +sewing in her lap, and raised her head. + +Phinney saw how worn and sad she looked. And yet, how young, +considering her forty years and all she had endured and must +endure. She put her hand over her eyes, then removed it wearily. +A lump came in Simeon's throat. If he might only help her; if SOME +ONE might help her in her lonely misery. + +And then, from where he stood in the shadow of the Chicago +gentleman's hedge, he saw a figure step from the shadows fifty feet +farther on. It was Captain Solomon Berry. He walked to the middle +of the road and halted, looking in at Olive. Phinney's heart gave +a jump. Was the Captain going into that house, going to HER, after +all these years? WAS the mountain-- + +But no. For a full minute the depot master stood, looking in at +the woman by the lamp. Then he jammed his hands into his pockets, +wheeled, and tramped rapidly off toward his home. Simeon Phinney +went home, also, but it was with a heavy heart that he sat down to +figure the cost of moving the Williams "pure Colonial" to its +destined location. + + +CHAPTER IV + +THE MAJOR + + +The depot master and his friend, Mr. Phinney, were not the only +ones whose souls were troubled that evening. Obed Gott, as he +stood at the foot of the stairs leading to the meeting place of the +"club," was vexed and worried. His cousin, Captain Stitt, had gone +into the house and up to his room, and Obed, after seeing him +safely on his way, had returned to the club. But, instead of +entering immediately, he stood in the Higgins doorway, thinking, +and frowning as he thought. And the subject of his thought was the +idol of feminine East Harniss, the "old-school gentleman," Major +Cuthbertson Scott Hardee. + +The Major first came to East Harniss one balmy morning in March-- +came, and created an immediate sensation. "Redny" Blount, who +drives the "depot wagon," was wrestling with a sample trunk +belonging to the traveling representative of Messrs. Braid & Gimp, +of Boston, when he heard a voice--and such a voice--saying: + +"Pardon me, my dear sir, but may I trouble you for one moment?" + +Now "Redny" was not used to being addressed as "my dear sir." He +turned wonderingly, and saw the Major, in all his glory, standing +beside him. "Redny's" gaze took in the tall, slim figure in the +frock coat tightly buttoned; took in the white hair, worn just long +enough to touch the collar of the frock coat; the long, drooping +white mustache and imperial; the old-fashioned stock and open +collar; the black and white checked trousers; the gaiters; and, +last of all, the flat brimmed, carefully brushed, old-fashioned +silk hat. Mr. Blount gasped. + +"Huh?" he said. + +"Pardon me, my dear sir," repeated the Major, blandly, smoothly, +and with an air of--well, not condescension, but gracious +familiarity. "Will you be so extremely kind as to inform me +concerning the most direct route to the hotel or boarding house?" + +The word "hotel" was the only part of this speech that struck home +to "Redny's" awed mind. + +"Hotel?" he repeated, slowly. "Why, yes, sir. I'm goin' right +that way. If you'll git right into my barge I'll fetch you there +in ten minutes." + +There was enough in this reply, and the manner in which it was +delivered, to have furnished the station idlers, in the ordinary +course of events, with matter for gossip and discussion for a week. +Mr. Blount had not addressed a person as "sir" since he went to +school. But no one thought of this; all were too much overcome by +the splendor of the Major's presence. + +"Thank you," replied the Major. "Thank you. I am obliged to you, +sir. Augustus, you may place the baggage in this gentleman's +conveyance." + +Augustus was an elderly negro, very black as to face and a trifle +shabby as to clothes, but with a shadow of his master's gentility, +like a reflected luster, pervading his person. He bowed low, +departed, and returned dragging a large, old style trunk, and +carrying a plump valise. + +"Augustus," said the Major, "you may sit upon the seat with the +driver. That is," he added, courteously, "if Mr.--Mr.--" + +"Blount," prompted the gratified "Redny." + +"If Mr. Blount will be good enough to permit you to do so." + +"Why, sartin. Jump right up. Giddap, you!" + +There was but one passenger, besides the Major and Augustus, in the +"depot wagon" that morning. This passenger was Mrs. Polena Ginn, +who had been to Brockton on a visit. To Mrs. Polena the Major, +raising his hat in a manner that no native of East Harniss could +acquire by a lifetime of teaching, observed that it was a beautiful +morning. The flustered widow replied that it "was so." This was +the beginning of a conversation that lasted until the "Central +House" was reached, a conversation that left Polena impressed with +the idea that her new acquaintance was as near the pink of +perfection as mortal could be. + +"It wa'n't his clothes, nuther," she told her brother, Obed Gott, +as they sat at the dinner table. "I don't know what 'twas, but you +could jest see that he was a gentleman all over. I wouldn't wonder +if he was one of them New York millionaires, like Mr. Williams--but +SO different. 'Redny' Blount says he see his name onto the hotel +register and 'twas 'Cuthbertson Scott Hardee.' Ain't that a tony +name for you? And his darky man called him 'Major.' I never see +sech manners on a livin' soul! Obed, I DO wish you'd stop eatin' +pie with a knife." + +Under these pleasing circumstances did Major Cuthbertson Scott +Hardee make his first appearance in East Harniss, and the +reputation spread abroad by Mr. Blount and Mrs. Ginn was confirmed +as other prominent citizens met him, and fell under the spell. In +two short weeks he was the most popular and respected man in the +village. The Methodist minister said, at the Thursday evening +sociable, that "Major Hardee is a true type of the old-school +gentleman," whereupon Beriah Higgins, who was running for +selectman, and therefore felt obliged to be interested in all +educational matters, asked whereabouts that school was located, and +who was teaching it now. + +It was a treat to see the Major stroll down Main Street to the post +office every pleasant spring morning. Coat buttoned tight, silk +hat the veriest trifle on one side, one glove on and its mate +carried with the cane in the other hand, and the buttonhole +bouquet--always the bouquet--as fresh and bright and jaunty as its +wearer himself. + +It seemed that every housekeeper whose dwelling happened to be +situated along that portion of the main road had business in the +front yard at the time of the Major's passing. There were steps to +be swept, or rugs to be shaken, or doorknobs to be polished just at +that particular time. Dialogues like the following interrupted the +triumphal progress at three minute intervals: + +"Good-morning, Mrs. Sogberry. GOOD-morning. A delightful morning. +Busy as the proverbial bee once more, I see. I can never cease to +admire the industry and model neatness of the Massachusetts +housekeeper. And how is your charming daughter this morning? +Better, I trust?" + +"Well, now, Major Hardee, I don't know. Abbie ain't so well's I +wish she was. She set up a spell yesterday, but the doctor says +she ain't gittin' along the way she'd ought to. I says to him, +s'I, 'Abbie ain't never what you'd call a reel hearty eater, but, +my land! when she don't eat NOTHIN',' I says--" + +And so on and so on, with the Major always willing to listen, +always sympathetic, and always so charmingly courteous. + +The Central House, East Harniss's sole hotel, and a very small one +at that, closed its doors on April 10th. Mr. Godfrey, its +proprietor, had come to the country for his health. He had been +inveigled, by an advertisement in a Boston paper, into buying the +Central House at East Harniss. It would afford him, so he +reasoned, light employment and a living. The employment was light +enough, but the living was lighter. He kept the Central House for +a year. Then he gave it up as a bad job and returned to the city. +"I might keep my health if I stayed," he admitted, in explaining +his position to Captain Berry, "but if I want to keep to what +little money I have left, I'd better go. Might as well die of +disease as starvation." + +Everyone expected that the "gentleman of the old school" would go +also, but one evening Abner Payne, whose business is "real estate, +fire and life insurance, justice of the peace, and houses to let +and for sale," rushed into the post office to announce that the +Major had leased the "Gorham place," furnished, and intended to +make East Harniss his home. + +"He likes the village so well he's goin' to stay here always," +explained Abner. "Says he's been all 'round the world, but he +never see a place he liked so well's he does East Harniss. How's +that for high, hey? And you callin' it a one-horse town, Obed +Gott!" + +The Major moved into the "Gorham place" the next morning. It--the +"place"--was an old-fashioned house on the hill, though not on Mr. +Williams' "Boulevard." It had been one of the finest mansions in +town once on a time, but had deteriorated rapidly since old Captain +Elijah Gorham died. Augustus carried the Major's baggage from the +hotel to the house. This was done very early and none of the +natives saw the transfer. There was some speculation as to how the +darky managed to carry the big trunk single-handed; one of two +persons asked Augustus this very question, but they received no +satisfactory answer. Augustus was habitually close-mouthed. Mr. +Godfrey left town that same morning on the first train. + +The Major christened his new home "Silver-leaf Hall," because of +two great "silver-leaf" trees that stood by the front door. He had +some repairing, paper hanging and painting done, ordered a big +stock of groceries from the local dealer, and showed by his every +action that his stay in East Harniss was to be a lengthy one. He +hired a pew in the Methodist church, and joined the "club." +Augustus did the marketing for "Silver-leaf Hall," and had +evidently been promoted to the position of housekeeper. + +The Major moved in April. It was now the third week in June and +his popularity was, if possible, more pronounced than ever. On +this particular, the evening of Captain Bailey Stitt's unexpected +arrival, Obed had been sitting by the tea table in his dining room +after supper, going over the account books of his paint, paper, and +oil store. His sister, Mrs. Polena Ginn, was washing dishes in the +kitchen. + +"Wat's that letter you're readin', Obed?" she called from her post +by the sink. + +"Nothin'," said her brother, gruffly, crumpling up the sheet of +note paper and jamming it into his pocket. + +"My sakes! you're shorter'n pie crust to-night. What's the matter? +Anything gone wrong at the store?" + +"No." + +Silence again, only broken by the clatter of dishes. Then Polena +said: + +"Obed, when are you goin' to take me up to the clubroom so's I can +see that picture of Major Hardee that he presented the club with? +Everybody says it's just lovely. Sarah T. says it's perfectly +elegant, only not quite so handsome as the Major reelly is. She +says it don't flatter him none." + +"Humph! Anybody'd think Hardee was some kind of a wonder, the way +you women folks go on 'bout him. How do you know but what he might +be a reg'lar fraud? Looks ain't everything." + +"Well, I never! Obed Gott, I should think you'd be 'shamed of +yourself, talkin' that way. I shan't speak another word to you to- +night. I never see you act so unlikely. An old fraud! The idea! +That grand, noble man!" + +Obed tried to make some sort of half-hearted apology, but his +sister wouldn't listen to it. Polena's dignity was touched. She +was a woman of consequence in East Harniss, was Polena. Her +husband had, at his death, left her ten thousand dollars in her own +right, and she owned bonds and had money in the Wellmouth Bank. +Nobody, not even her brother, was allowed to talk to her in that +fashion. + +To tell the truth, Obed was sorry he had offended his sister. He +had been throwing out hints of late as to the necessity of building +an addition to the paint and oil store, and had cast a longing look +upon a portion of Polena's ten thousand. The lady had not promised +to extend the financial aid, but she had gone so far as to say she +would think about it. So Obed regretted his insinuations against +the Major's integrity. + +After a while he threw the account books upon the top of the chest +of drawers, put on his hat and coat and announced that he was going +over to the depot for a "spell." Polena did not deign to reply, +so, after repeating the observation, he went out and slammed the +door. + +Now, two hours later, as he stood in the doorway of the club, he +was debating what he should do in a certain matter. That matter +concerned Major Hardee and was, therefore, an extremely delicate +one. At length Mr. Gott climbed the narrow stairs and entered the +clubroom. It was blue with tobacco smoke. + +The six or eight members present hailed him absently and went on +with their games of checkers or "seven-up." He attempted a game of +checkers and lost, which did not tend to make his temper any +sweeter. His ill nature was so apparent that Beriah Higgins, who +suffered from dyspepsia and consequent ill temper, finally +commented upon it. + +"What's the matter with you, Obed?" he asked tartly. "Too much of +P'lena's mince pie?" + +"No," grunted Mr. Gott shortly. + +"What is it, then? Ain't paint sellin' well?" + +"Sellin' well 'nough. I could sell a hundred ton of paint to- +morrow, more'n likely, but when it come to gittin' the money for +it, that would be another story. If folks would pay their bills +there wouldn't be no trouble." + +"Who's stuck you now?" + +"I don't s'pose anybody has, but it's just as bad when they don't +pay up. I've got to have money to keep a-goin' with. It don't +make no diff'rence if it's as good a customer as Major Hardee; he +ought to remember that we ain't all rich like him and--" + +A general movement among all the club members interrupted him. The +checker players left their boards and came over; the "seven-up" +devotees dropped their cards and joined the circle. + +"What was that you said?" asked Higgins, uneasily. "The Major +owin' you money, was it?" + +"Oh, course I know he's all right and a fine man and all that," +protested Obed, feeling himself put on the defensive. "But that +ain't it. What's a feller goin' to do when he needs the money and +gets a letter like that?" + +He drew the crumpled sheet of note paper from his pocket, and threw +it on the table. Higgins picked it up and read it aloud, as +follows: + + +SILVERLEAF HALL, June 20th. + +MY DEAR MR. GOTT: I am in receipt of your courteous communication +of recent date. I make it an unvarying rule to keep little ready +money here in East Harniss, preferring rather to let it remain at +interest in the financial institutions of the cities. Another rule +of mine, peculiar, I dare say--even eccentric, if you like--is +never to pay by check. I am expecting remittances from my +attorneys, however, and will then bear you in mind. Again thanking +you for your courtesy, and begging you to extend to your sister my +kindest regards, I remain, my dear sir, + +Yours very respectfully, + +CUTHBERTSON SCOTT HARDEE. + +P. S.--I shall be delighted to have the pleasure of entertaining +your sister and yourself at dinner at the hall on any date +agreeable to you. Kindly let me hear from you regarding this at +your earliest convenience. I must insist upon this privilege, so +do not disappoint me, I beg. + + +The reception accorded this most gentlemanly epistle was peculiar. +Mr. Higgins laid it upon the table and put his hand into his own +pocket. So did Ezra Weeks, the butcher; Caleb Small, the dry goods +dealer; "Hen" Leadbetter, the livery stable keeper; "Bash" Taylor, +the milkman, and three or four others. And, wonder of wonders, +each produced a sheet of note paper exactly like Obed's. + +They spread them out on the table. The dates were, of course, +different, and they differed in other minor particulars, but in the +main they were exactly alike. And each one of them ended with an +invitation to dinner. + +The members of the club looked at each other in amazement. Higgins +was the first to speak. + +"Godfrey mighty!" he exclaimed. "Say, this is funny, ain't it? +It's more'n funny; it's queer! By jimmy, it's more'n that--it's +serious! Look here, fellers; is there anybody in this crowd that +the Major's paid for anything any time?" + +They waited. No one spoke. Then, with one impulse, every face +swung about and looked up to where, upon the wall, hung the life- +size photograph of the Major, dignified, gracious, and gilt-framed. +It had been presented to the club two months before by Cuthbertson +Scott Hardee, himself. + +"Ike--Ike Peters," said Higgins. "Say, Ike--has he ever paid you +for havin' that took?" + +Mr. Peters, who was the town photographer, reddened, hesitated, and +then stammered, "Why, no, he ain't, yet." + +"Humph!" grunted Higgins. No one else said anything. One or two +took out pocket memorandum books and went over some figures entered +therein. Judging by their faces the results of these calculations +were not pleasing. Obed was the first to break the painful +silence: + +"Well!" he exclaimed, sarcastically; "ain't nobody got nothin' to +say? If they ain't, I have. Or, at any rate, I've got somethin' +to do." And he rose and started to put on his coat. + +"Hi! hold on a minute, Obed, you loon!" cried Higgins. "Where are +you goin'?" + +"I'm goin' to put my bill in Squire Baker's hands for c'lection, +and I'm goin' to do it tonight, too." + +He was on his way to the door, but two or three ran to stop him. + +"Don't be a fool, Obed," said Higgins. "Don't go off ha'f cocked. +Maybe we're gittin' scared about nothin'. We don't know but we'll +get every cent that's owed us." + +"Don't KNOW! Well, I ain't goin' to wait to find out. What makes +me b'ilin' is to think how we've set still and let a man that we +never saw afore last March, and don't know one blessed thing about, +run up bills and RUN 'em up. How we come to be such everlastin' +fools I don't see! What did we let him have the stuff for? Why +didn't we make him pay? I--" + +"Now see here, Obed Gott," broke in Weeks, the butcher, "you know +why just as well as we do. Why, blast it!" he added earnestly, "if +he was to come into my shop to-morrow and tip that old high hat of +his, and smile and say 'twas a fine mornin and 'How's the good lady +to-day?' and all that, he'd get ha'f the meat there was in the +place, and I wouldn't say 'Boo'! I jest couldn't, that's all." + +This frank statement was received with approving nods and a chorus +of muttered "That's so's." + +"It looks to me this way," declared Higgins. "If the Major's all +right, he's a mighty good customer for all of us. If he ain't all +right, we've got to find it out, but we're in too deep to run resks +of gettin' him mad 'fore we know for sure. Let's think it over for +a week. Inside of that time some of us'll hint to him, polite but +firm, you understand, that we've got to have something on account. +A week from to-night we'll meet in the back room of my store, talk +it over and decide what to do. What do you say?" + +Everybody but Obed agreed. He declared that he had lost money +enough and wasn't going to be a fool any longer. The others argued +with him patiently for a while and then Leadbetter, the livery +stable keeper, said sharply: + +"See here, Obe! You ain't the only one in this. How much does the +Major owe you?" + +"Pretty nigh twenty dollars." + +"Humph! You're lucky. He owes me over thirty, and I guess Higgins +is worse off than any of us. Ain't that so, Beriah?" + +"About seventy, even money," answered the grocer, shortly. "No +use, Obed, we've got to hang together. Wait a week and then see. +And, fellers," he added, "don't tell a soul about this business, +'specially the women folks. There ain't a woman nor girl in this +town that don't think Major Hardee's an A1, gold-plated saint, and +twouldn't be safe to break the spell on a guess." + +Obed reached home even more disgruntled than when he left it. He +sat up until after twelve, thinking and smoking, and when he went +to bed he had a brilliant idea. The next morning he wrote a letter +and posted it. + + +CHAPTER V + +A BABY AND A ROBBERY + + +The morning train for Boston, at that season of the year, reached +East Harniss at five minutes to six, an "ungodly hour," according +to the irascible Mr. Ogden Williams, who, in company with some of +his wealthy friends, the summer residents, was petitioning the +railroad company for a change in the time-table. When Captain Sol +Berry, the depot master, walked briskly down Main Street the +morning following Mr. Gott's eventful evening at the club, the +hands of the clock on the Methodist church tower indicated that the +time was twenty minutes to six. + +Issy McKay was already at the depot, the doors of which were open. +Captain Sol entered the waiting room and unlocked the ticket rack +and the little safe. Issy, languidly toying with the broom on the +front platform, paused in his pretense of sweeping and awaited +permission to go home for breakfast. It came, in characteristic +fashion. + +"How's the salt air affectin' your appetite, Is?" asked the +Captain, casually. + +Issy, who, being intensely serious by nature, was uneasy when he +suspected the presence of a joke, confusedly stammered that he +cal'lated his appetite was all right. + +"Payin' for the Major's glass ain't kept you awake worryin', has +it?" + +"No-o, sir. I--" + +"P'r'aps you thought he was the one to 'do the worryin', hey?" + +"I--I don't know." + +"Well, what's your folks goin' to have to eat this mornin'?" + +Issy admitted his belief that fried clams were to be the breakfast. + +"So? Clams? Is, did you ever read the soap advertisement about +not bein' a clam?" + +"I--I don't know's I ever did. No, sir." + +"All right; I only called your attention to it as a warnin', that's +all. When anybody eats as many clams as you do there's a fair +chance of his turnin' into one. Now clear out, and don't stay so +long at breakfast that you can't get back in time for dinner. +Trot!" + +Issy trotted. The depot master seated himself by the door of the +ticket office and fell into a reverie. It was interrupted by the +entrance of Hiram Baker. Captain Hiram was an ex-fishing skipper, +fifty-five years of age, who, with his wife, Sophronia, and their +infant son, Hiram Joash Baker, lived in a small, old-fashioned +house at the other end of the village, near the shore. Captain +Hiram, having retired from the sea, got his living, such as it was, +from his string of fish traps, or "weirs." + +The depot master hailed the new arrival heartily. + +"Hello, there, Hiram!" he cried, rising from his chair. "Glad to +see you once in a while. Ain't goin' to leave us, are you? Not +goin' abroad for your health, or anything of that kind, hey?" + +Captain Baker laughed. + +"No," he answered. "No further abroad than Hyannis. And I'll be +back from there tonight, if the Lord's willin' and the cars don't +get off the track. Give me a round trip ticket, will you, Sol?" + +The depot master retired to the office, returning with the desired +ticket. Captain Hiram counted out the price from a confused mass +of coppers and silver, emptied into his hand from a blackened +leather purse, tied with a string. + +"How's Sophrony?" asked the depot master. "Pretty smart, I hope." + +"Yup, she's smart. Has to be to keep up with the rest of the +family--'specially the youngest." + +He chuckled. His friend laughed in sympathy. + +"The youngest is the most important of all, I s'pose," he observed. +"How IS the junior partner of H. Baker and Son?" + +"He ain't a silent partner, I'll swear to that. Honest, Sol, I +b'lieve my 'Dusenberry' is the cutest young one outside of a show. +I said so only yesterday to Mr. Hilton, the minister. I did, and I +meant it." + +"Well, we're all gettin' ready to celebrate his birthday. Ho, ho!" + +This was a standard joke and was so recognized and honored. A baby +born on the Fourth of July is sure of a national celebration of his +birthday. And to Captain Baker and his wife, no celebration, +however widespread, could do justice to the importance of the +occasion. When, to answer the heart longings of the child-loving +couple married many years, the baby came, he was accepted as a +special dispensation of Providence and valued accordingly. + +"He's got a real nice voice, Hiram," said Sophronia, gazing proudly +at the prodigy, who, clutched gingerly in his father's big hands, +was screaming his little red face black. "I shouldn't wonder if he +grew up to sing in the choir." + +"That's the kind of voice to make a fo'mast hand step lively!" +declared Hiram. "You'll see this boy on the quarter deck of a +clipper one of these days." + +Naming him was a portentous proceeding and one not to be lightly +gone about. Sophronia, who was a Methodist by descent and early +confirmation, was of the opinion that the child should have a Bible +name. + +The Captain respected his wife's wishes, but put in an ardent plea +for his own name, Hiram. + +"There's been a Hiram Baker in our family ever since Noah h'isted +the main-r'yal on the ark," he declared. "I'd kinder like to keep +the procession a-goin'." + +They compromised by agreeing to make the baby's Christian name +Hiram and to add a middle name selected at random from the +Scriptures. The big, rickety family Bible was taken from the +center table and opened with shaking fingers by Mrs. Baker. She +read aloud the first sentence that met her eye: "The son of Joash." + +"Joash!" sneered her husband. "You ain't goin' to cruelize him +with that name, be you?" + +"Hiram Baker, do you dare to fly in the face of Scriptur'?" + +"All right! Have it your own way. Go to sleep now, Hiram Joash, +while I sing 'Storm along, John,' to you." + +Little Hiram Joash punched the minister's face with his fat fist +when he was christened, to the great scandal of his mother and the +ill-concealed delight of his father. + +"Can't blame the child none," declared the Captain. "I'd punch +anybody that christened a middle name like that onto me." + +But, in spite of his name, the baby grew and prospered. He fell +out of his crib, of course, the moment that he was able, and barked +his shins over the big shells by the what-not in the parlor the +first time that he essayed to creep. He teethed with more or less +tribulation, and once upset the household by an attack of the croup. + +They gave up calling him by his first name, because of the +Captain's invariably answering when the baby was wanted and not +answering when he himself was wanted. Sophronia would have liked +to call him Joash, but her husband wouldn't hear of it. At length +the father took to calling him "Dusenberry," and this nickname was +adopted under protest. + +Captain Hiram sang the baby to sleep every night. There were three +songs in the Captain's repertoire. The first was a chanty with a +chorus of + + + John, storm along, storm along, John, + Ain't I glad my day's work's done. + + +The second was the "Bowline Song." + + + Haul on the bowline, the 'Phrony is a-rollin', + Haul on the bowline! the bowline HAUL! + + +At the "haul!" the Captain's foot would come down with a thump. +Almost the first word little Hiram Joash learned was "haul!" He +used to shout it and kick his father vigorously in the vest. + +These were fair-weather songs. Captain Hiram sang them when +everything was going smoothly. The "Bowline Song" indicated that +he was feeling particularly jubilant. He had another that he sang +when he was worried. It was a lugubrious ditty, with a refrain +beginning: + + + Oh, sailor boy, sailor boy, 'neath the wild billow, + Thy grave is yawnin' and waitin' for thee. + + +He sang this during the worst of the teething period, and, later, +when the junior partner wrestled with the whooping cough. You +could always tell the state of the baby's health by the Captain's +choice of songs. + +Meanwhile Dusenberry grew and prospered. He learned to walk and to +talk, after his own peculiar fashion, and, at the mature age of two +years and six months, formally shipped as first mate aboard his +father's dory. His duties in this responsible position were to sit +in the stern, securely fastened by a strap, while the Captain and +his two assistants rowed out over the bar to haul the nets of the +deep water fish weir. + +The first mate gave the orders, "All hands on deck! 'Tand by to +det ship under way!" There was no "sogerin'" aboard the Hiram +Junior--that was the dory's name--while the first officer had +command. + +Captain Hiram, always ready to talk of the wonderful baby, told the +depot master of the youngster's latest achievement, which was to +get the cover off the butter firkin in the pantry and cover himself +with butter from head to heel. + +"Ho, ho, ho!" he roared, delightedly, "when Sophrony caught him at +it, what do you s'pose he said? Said he was playin' he was a slice +of bread and was spreadin' himself. Haw! haw!" + +Captain Sol laughed in sympathy. + +"But he didn't mean no harm by it," explained the proud father. +"He's got the tenderest little heart in the world. When he found +his ma felt bad he bust out cryin' and said he'd scrape it all off +again and when it come prayer time he'd tell God who did it, so +He'd know 'twa'n't mother that wasted the nice butter. What do you +think of that?" + +"No use talkin', Hiram," said the depot master, "that's the kind of +boy to have." + +"You bet you! Hello! here's the train. On time, for a wonder. +See you later, Sol. You take my advice, get married and have a boy +of your own. Nothin' like one for solid comfort." + +The train was coming and they went out to meet it. The only +passenger to alight was Mr. Barzilla Wingate, whose arrival had +been foretold by Bailey Stitt the previous evening. Barzilla was +part owner of a good-sized summer hotel at Wellmouth Neck. He and +the depot master were old friends. + +After the train had gone Wingate and Captain Sol entered the +station together. The Captain had insisted that his friend come +home with him to breakfast, instead of going to the hotel. After +some persuasion Barzilla agreed. So they sat down to await Issy's +arrival. The depot master could not leave the station until the +"assistant" arrived. + +"Well, Barzilla," asked Captain Sol, "what's the newest craze over +to the hotel?" + +"The newest," said Wingate, with a grin, "is automobiles." + +"Automobiles? Why, I thought 'twas baseball." + +"Baseball was last summer. We had a championship team then. Yes, +sir, we won out, though for a spell it looked pretty dubious. But +baseball's an old story. We've had football since, and now--" + +"Wait a minute! Football? Why, now I do remember. You had a +football team there and--and wa'n't there somethin' queer, some +sort of a--a robbery, or stealin', or swindlin' connected with it? +Seems's if I'd heard somethin' like that." + +Mr. Wingate looked his friend over, winked, and asked a question. + +"Sol," he said, "you ain't forgot how to keep a secret?" + +The depot master smiled. "I guess not," he said. + +"Well, then, I'm goin' to trust you with one. I'm goin' to tell +you the whole business about that robbin'. It's all mixed up with +football and millionaires and things--and it's a dead secret, the +truth of it. So when I tell you it mustn't go no further. + +"You see," he went on, "it was late into August when Peter T. was +took down with the inspiration. Not that there was anything +'specially new in his bein' took. He was subject to them seizures, +Peter was, and every time they broke out in a fresh place. The Old +Home House itself was one of his inspirations, so was the hirin' of +college waiters, the openin' of the two 'Annex' cottages, the South +Shore Weather Bureau, and a whole lot more. Sometimes, as in the +weather-bureau foolishness, the disease left him and t'other two +patients--meanin' me and Cap'n Jonadab--pretty weak in the courage, +and wasted in the pocketbook; but gen'rally they turned out good, +and our systems and bank accounts was more healthy than normal. +One of Peter T.'s inspirations was consider'ble like typhoid fever-- +if you did get over it, you felt better for havin' had it. + +"This time the attack was in the shape of a 'supplementary season.' +'Twas Peter's idea that shuttin' up the Old Home the fust week in +September was altogether too soon. + +"'What's the use of quittin',' says he, 'while there's bait left +and the fish are bitin'? Why not keep her goin' through September +and October? Two or three ads--MY ads--in the papers, hintin' that +the ducks and wild geese are beginnin' to keep the boarders awake +by roostin' in the back yard and hollerin' at night--two or three +of them, and we'll have gunners here by the regiment. Other summer +hotels do it, the Wapatomac House and the rest, so why not us? It +hurts my conscience to see good money gettin' past the door 'count +of the "Not at Home" sign hung on the knob. What d'you say, +partners?' says he. + +"Well, we had consider'ble to say, partic'lar Cap'n Jonadab. 'Twas +too risky and too expensive. Gunnin' was all right except for one +thing--that is, that there wa'n't none wuth mentionin'. + +"'Ducks are scurser round here than Democrats in a Vermont town- +meetin',' growled the Cap'n. 'And as for geese! How long has it +been since you see a goose, Barzilla?' + +"'Land knows!' says I. 'I can remember as fur back as the fust +time Washy Sparrow left off workin', but I can't--' + +"Brown told us to shut up. Did we cal'late he didn't know what he +was talkin' about? + +"'I can see two geese right now,' he snaps; 'but they're so old and +leather-headed you couldn't shoot an idea into their brains with a +cannon. Gunnin' ain't the whole thing. My makin' a noise like a +duck is only to get the would-be Teddy Roosevelts headed for this +neck of the woods. After they get here, it's up to us to keep 'em. +And I can think of as many ways to do that as the Cap'n can of +savin' a quarter. Our baseball team's been a success, ain't it? +Sure thing! Then why not a football team? Parker says he'll get +it together, and coach and cap'n it, too. And Robinson and his +daughter have agreed to stay till October fifteenth. So there's a +start, anyhow.' + +"'Twas a start, and a pretty good one. The Robinsons had come to +the Old Home about the fust of August, and they was our star +boarders. 'G. W. Robinson' was the old man's name as entered on +the hotel log, and his daughter answered to the hail of 'Grace'-- +that is, when she took a notion to answer at all. The Robinsons +was what Peter T. called 'exclusive.' They didn't mix much with +the rest of the bunch, but kept to themselves in their rooms, +partic'lar when a fresh net full of boarders was hauled aboard. +Then they seemed to take an observation of every arrival afore they +mingled; questioned the pedigree and statistics of all hands, and +acted mighty suspicious. + +"The only thing that really stirred Papa Robinson up and got him +excited and friendly was baseball and boat racin'. He was an old +sport, that was plain, the only real plain thing about him; the +rest was mystery. As for Grace, she wa'n't plain by a good sight, +bein' what Brown called a 'peach.' She could have had every single +male in tow if she'd wanted 'em. Apparently she didn't want em, +preferrin' to be lonesome and sad and interestin'. Yes, sir, there +was a mystery about them Robinsons, and even Peter T. give in to +that. + +"'If 'twas anybody else,' says he, 'I'd say the old man was a +crook, down here hidin' from the police. But he's too rich for +that, and always has been. He ain't any fly-by-night. I can tell +the real article without lookin' for the "sterlin'" mark on the +handle. But I'll bet all the cold-storage eggs in the hotel +against the henyard--and that's big odds--that he wa'n't christened +Robinson. And his face is familiar to me. I've seen it somewhere, +either in print or in person. I wish I knew where.' + +"So if the Robinsons had agreed to stay--them and their two +servants--that was a big help, as Brown said. And Parker would +help, too, though we agreed there wa'n't no mystery about him. He +was a big, broad-shouldered young feller just out of college +somewheres, who had drifted our way the fortni't after the +Robinsons came, with a reputation for athletics and a leanin' +toward cigarettes and Miss Grace. She leaned a little, too, but +hers wa'n't so much of a bend as his was. He was dead gone on her, +and if she'd have decided to stay under water, he'd have ducked +likewise. 'Twas easy enough to see why HE believed in a +'supplementary season.' + +"Me and Jonadab argued it out with Peter, and finally we met +halfway, so's to speak. We wouldn't keep the whole shebang open, +but we'd shut up everything but one Annex cottage, and advertise +that as a Gunner's Retreat. So we done it. + +"And it worked. Heavens to Betsy--yes! It worked so well that by +the second week in September we had to open t'other Annex. The +gunnin' was bad, but Peter's ads fetched the would-be's, and his +'excursions' and picnics and the football team held 'em. The +football team especial. Parker cap'ned that, and, from the gunnin' +crew and the waiters and some fishermen in the village, he dug up +an eleven that showed symptoms of playin' the game. We played the +Trumet High School, and beat it, thanks to Parker, and that tickled +Pa Robinson so that he bought a two-handled silver soup tureen-- +'lovin' cup,' he called it--and agreed to give it to the team round +about that won the most of the series. So the series was arranged, +the Old Home House crowd and the Wapatomac House eleven and three +high-school gangs bein' in it. And 'twas practice, practice, +practice, from then on. + +"When we opened the second Annex, the question of help got serious. +Most of our college waiters had gone back to school, and we was +pretty shy of servants. So we put some extry advertisin' in the +Cape weeklies, and trusted in Providence. + +"The evenin' followin' the ad in the weeklies, I was settin' smokin' +on the back piazza of the shut-up main hotel, when I heard the gate +click and somebody crunchin' along the clam-shell path. I sung +out: 'Ahoy, there!' and the cruncher, whoever he was, come my way. +Then I made out that he was a tall young chap, with his hands in +his pockets. + +"'Good evenin',' says he. 'Is this Mr. Brown?' + +"'Thankin' you for the compliment, it ain't,' I says. 'My name's +Wingate.' + +"'Oh!' says he. 'Is that so? I've heard father speak of you, Mr. +Wingate. He is Solomon Bearse, of West Ostable. I think you know +him slightly.' + +"Know him? Everybody on the Cape knows Sol Bearse; by reputation, +anyhow. He's the richest, meanest old cranberry grower and +coastin'-fleet owner in these parts. + +"'Is Sol Bearse your dad?' I asks, astonished. 'Why, then, you +must be Gus?' + +"'No,' he says. 'I'm the other one--Fred.' + +"'Oh, the college one. The one who's goin' to be a lawyer.' + +"'Well, yes--and no,' says he. 'I WAS the college one, as you call +it, but I'm not goin' to be a lawyer. Father and I have had some +talk on that subject, and I think we've settled it. I--well, just +at present, I'm not sure what I'm goin' to be. That's what I've +come to you for. I saw your ad in the Item, and--I want a job.' + +"I was set all aback, and left with my canvas flappin', as you +might say. Sol Bearse's boy huntin' a job in a hotel kitchen! +Soon's I could fetch a whole breath, I wanted partic'lars. He give +'em to me. + +"Seems he'd been sent out to one of the colleges in the Middle West +by his dad, who was dead set on havin' a lawyer in the family. But +the more he studied, the less he hankered for law. What he wanted +to be was a literature--a book-agent or a poet, or some such +foolishness. Old Sol, havin' no more use for a poet than he had +for a poor relation, was red hot in a minute. Was this what he'd +been droppin' good money in the education collection box for? Was +this--etcetery and so on. He'd be--what the church folks say he +will be--if Fred don't go in for law. Fred, he comes back that +he'll be the same if he does. So they disowned each other by +mutual consent, as the Irishman said, and the boy marches out of +the front door, bag and baggage. And, as the poetry market seemed +to be sort of overly supplied at the present time, he decided he +must do somethin' to earn a dollar, and, seein' our ad, he comes to +Wellmouth Port and the Old Home. + +"'But look here,' says I, 'we ain't got no job for a literary. We +need fellers to pass pie and wash dishes. And THAT ain't no poem.' + +"Well, he thought perhaps he could help make up advertisin'. + +"'You can't,' I told him. 'One time, when Peter T. Brown was away, +me and Cap'n Jonadab cal'lated that a poetry advertisement would be +a good idee and we managed to shake out ten lines or so. It begun: + + + "When you're feelin' tired and pale + To the Old Home House you ought to come without fail." + + +"'We thought 'twas pretty slick, but we never got but one answer, +and that was a circular from one of them correspondence schools of +authors, sayin' they'd let us in on a course at cut rates. And the +next thing we knew we see that poem in the joke page of a Boston +paper. I never--' + +"He laughed, quiet and sorrowful. He had the quietest way of +speakin', anyhow, and his voice was a lovely tenor. To hear it +purrin' out of his big, tall body was as unexpected as a hymn tune +in a cent-in-the-slot talkin' machine. + +"'Too bad,' he says. 'As a waiter, I'm afraid--' + +"Just then the door of one of the Annex houses opened sudden, and +there stood Grace Robinson. The light behind her showed her up +plain as could be. I heard Fred Bearse make a kind of gaspin' +noise in his throat. + +"'What a lovely night!' she says, half to herself. Then she calls: +'Papa, dear, you really ought to see the stars.' + +"Old man Robinson, who I judged was in the settin' room, snarled +out somethin' which wa'n't no compliment to the stars. Then he +ordered her to come in afore she catched cold. She sighed and +obeyed orders, shuttin' the door astern of her. Next thing I knew +that literary tenor grabbed my arm--'twa'n't no canary-bird grip, +neither. + +"'Who was that?' he whispers, eager. + +"I told him. 'That's the name they give,' says I, 'but we have +doubts about its bein' the real one. You see, there's some mystery +about them Robinsons, and--' + +"'I'll take that waiter's place,' he says, quick. 'Shall I go +right in and begin now? Don't stop to argue, man; I say I'll take +it.' + +"And he did take it by main strength, pretty nigh. Every time I'd +open my mouth he'd shut it up, and at last I give in, and showed +him where he could sleep. + +"'You turn out at five sharp,' I told him. 'And you needn't bother +to write no poems while you're dressin', neither.' + +"'Good night,' he answers, brisk. 'Go, will you, please? I want +to think.' + +"I went. 'Tain't until an hour later that I remembered he hadn't +asked one word concernin' the wages. And next mornin' he comes to +me and suggests that perhaps 'twould be as well if I didn't tell +his real name. He was pretty sure he'd been away schoolin' so long +that he wouldn't be recognized. 'And incognitos seem to be +fashionable here,' he purrs, soft and gentle. + +"I wouldn't know an incognito if I stepped on one, but the tenor +voice of him kind of made me sick. + +"'All right,' I snaps, sarcastic. 'Suppose I call you "Willie." +How'll that do?' + +"'Do as well as anything, I guess,' he says. Didn't make no odds +to him. If I'd have called him 'Maud,' he'd have been satisfied. + +"He waited in Annex Number Two, which was skippered by Cap'n +Jonadab. And, for a poet, he done pretty well, so the Cap'n said. + +"'But say, Barzilla,' asks Jonadab, 'does that Willie thing know +the Robinsons?' + +"'Guess not,' I says. But, thinkin' of the way he'd acted when the +girl come to the door: 'Why?' + +"'Oh, nothin' much. Only when he come in with the doughnuts the +fust mornin' at breakfast, I thought Grace sort of jumped and +looked funny. Anyhow, she didn't eat nothin' after that. P'r'aps +that was on account of her bein' out sailin' the day afore, +though.' + +"I said I cal'lated that was it, but all the same I was interested. +And when, a day or so later, I see Grace and Willie talkin' +together earnest, out back of the kitchen, I was more so. But I +never said nothin'. I've been seafarin' long enough to know when +to keep my main hatch closed. + +"The supplementary season dragged along, but it wa'n't quite the +success it looked like at the start. The gunnin' that year was +even worse than usual, and excursions and picnics in late September +ain't all joy, by no manner of means. We shut up the second Annex +at the end of the month, and transferred the help to Number One. +Precious few new boarders come, and a good many of the old ones +quit. Them that did stay, stayed on account of the football. We +was edgin' up toward the end of the series, and our team and the +Wapatomac crowd was neck and neck. It looked as if the final game +between them and us, over on their grounds, would settle who'd have +the soup tureen. + +"Pa Robinson and Parker had been quite interested in Willie when he +fust come. They thought he might play with the eleven, you see. +But he wouldn't. Set his foot right down. + +"'I don't care for athletics,' he says, mild but firm. 'They used +to interest me somewhat, but not now.' + +"The old man was crazy. He'd heard about Willie's literature +leanin's, and he give out that he'd never see a writer yet that +wa'n't a 'sissy.' Wanted us to fire Bearse right off, but we kept +him, thanks to me. If he'd seen the 'sissy' kick the ball once, +same as I did, it might have changed his mind some. He was passin' +along the end of the field when the gang was practicin', and the +ball come his way. He caught it on the fly, and sent it back with +his toe. It went a mile, seemed so, whirlin' and whizzin'. Willie +never even looked to see where it went; just kept on his course for +the kitchen. + +"The big sensation hit us on the fifth of October, right after +supper. Me and Peter T. and Jonadab was in the office, when down +comes Henry, old Robinson's man servant, white as a sheet and +wringin' his hands distracted. + +"'Oh, I say, Mr. Brown!' says he, shakin' all over like a +quicksand. 'Oh, Mr. Brown, sir! Will you come right up to Mr. +Sterz--I mean Mr. Robinson's room, please, sir! 'E wants to see +you gentlemen special. 'Urry, please! 'Urry!' + +"So we ''urried,' wonderin' what on earth was the matter. And when +we got to the Robinson rooms, there was Grace, lookin' awful pale, +and the old man himself ragin' up and down like a horse mack'rel in +a fish weir. + +"Soon as papa sees us, he jumped up in the air, so's to speak, and +when he lit 'twas right on our necks. His daughter, who seemed to +be the sanest one in the lot, run and shut the door. + +"'Look here, you!' raved the old gent, shakin' both fists under +Peter T.'s nose. 'Didn't you tell me this was a respectable hotel? +And ain't we payin' for respectability?' + +"Peter admitted it, bein' too much set back to argue, I cal'late. + +"'Yes!' rages Robinson. 'We pay enough for all the respectability +in this state. And yet, by the livin' Moses! I can't go out of my +room to spoil my digestion with your cussed dried-apple pie, but +what I'm robbed!' + +"'Robbed!' the three of us gurgles in chorus. + +"'Yes, sir! Robbed! Robbed! ROBBED! What do you think I came +here for? And why do I stay here all this time? 'Cause I LIKE it? +'Cause I can't afford a better place? No, sir! By the great horn +spoon! I come here because I thought in this forsaken hole I could +get lost and be safe. And now--' + +"He tore around like a water spout, Grace trying to calm him, and +Henry and Suzette, the maid, groanin' and sobbin' accompaniments in +the corner. I looked at the dresser. There was silver-backed +brushes and all sorts of expensive doodads spread out loose, and +Miss Robinson's watch and a di'mond ring, and a few other +knickknacks. I couldn't imagine a thief's leavin' all that truck, +and I said so. + +"'Them?' sputters Pa, frantic. 'What the brimstone blazes do you +think I care for them? I could buy that sort of stuff by the car- +load, if I wanted to. But what's been stole is-- Oh, get out and +leave me alone! You're no good, the lot of you!' + +"'Father has had a valuable paper stolen from him,' explains Grace. +'A very valuable paper.' + +"'Valuable!' howls her dad. 'VALUABLE! Why, if Gordon and his +gang get that paper, they've got ME, that's all. Their suit's as +good as won, and I know it. And to think that I've kept it safe up +to within a month of the trial, and now--Grace Sterzer, you stop +pattin' my head. I'm no pussy-cat! By the--' And so on, +indefinite. + +"When he called his daughter Sterzer, instead of Robinson, I +cal'lated he was loony, sure enough. But Peter T. slapped his leg. + +"'Oh!' he says, as if he'd seen a light all to once. 'Ah, NOW I +begin to get wise. I knew your face was-- See here, Mr. Sterzer-- +Mr. Gabriel Sterzer--don't you think we'd better have a real, plain +talk on this matter? Let's get down to tacks. Was the paper you +lost something to do with the Sterzer-Gordon lawsuit? The Aluminum +Trust case, you know?' + +"The old man stopped dancin', stared at him hard, and then set down +and wiped his forehead. + +"'Something to DO with it?' he groans. 'Why, you idiot, it was IT! +If Gordon's lawyers get that paper--and they've been after it for a +year--then the fat's all in the fire. There's nothin' left for me +to do but compromise.' + +"When Peter T. mentioned the name of Gabriel Sterzer, me and +Jonadab begun to see a light, too. 'Course you remember the bust- +up of the Aluminum Trust--everybody does. The papers was full of +it. There'd been a row among the two leadin' stockholders, Gabe +Sterzer and 'Major' Gordon. Them two double-back-action +millionaires practically owned the trust, and the state 'twas in, +and the politics of that state, and all the politicians. Each of +'em run three or four banks of their own, and a couple of +newspapers, and other things, till you couldn't rest. Then they +had the row, and Gabe had took his playthings and gone home, as you +might say. Among the playthings was a majority of the stock, and +the Major had sued for it. The suit, with pictures of the leadin' +characters and the lawyers and all, had been spread-eagled in the +papers everywheres. No wonder 'Robinson's' face was familiar. + +"But it seemed that Sterzer had held the trump card in the shape of +the original agreement between him and Gordon. And he hung on to +it like the Old Scratch to a fiddler. Gordon and his crowd had +done everything, short of murder, to get it; hired folks to steal +it, and so on, because, once they DID get it, Gabe hadn't a leg to +stand on--he'd have to divide equal, which wa'n't his desires, by a +good sight. The Sterzer lawyers had wanted him to leave it in +their charge, but no--he knew too much for that. The pig-headed +old fool had carted it with him wherever he went, and him and his +daughter had come to the Old Home House because he figgered nobody +would think of their bein' in such an out-of-the-way place as that. +But they HAD thought of it. Anyhow, the paper was gone. + +"'But Mr. Robinzer--Sterson, I mean--' cut in Cap'n Jonadab, 'you +could have 'em took up for stealin', couldn't you? They wouldn't +dare--' + +"''Course they'd dare! S'pose they don't know I wouldn't have that +agreement get in the papers? Dare! They'd dare anything. If they +get away with it, by hook or crook, all I can do is haul in my +horns and compromise. If they've got that paper, the suit never +comes to trial.' + +"'Well, they ain't got it yet,' says Peter, decided. 'Whoever +stole the thing is right here in this boardin'-house, and it's up +to us to see that they stay here. Barzilla, you take care of the +mail. No letters must go out to-night. Jonadab, you set up and +watch all hands, help and all. Nobody must leave this place, if we +have to tie em. And I'll keep a gen'ral overseein' of the whole +thing, till we get a detective. And--if you'll stand the waybill, +Mr. Sterzer--we'll have the best Pinkerton in Boston down here in +three hours by special train. By the way, are you sure the thing +IS lifted? Where was it?' + +"Old Gabe kind of colored up, and give in that 'twas under his +pillow. He always kept it there after the beds was made. + +"'Humph!' grunts Brown. 'Why didn't you hang it on the door-knob? +Under the pillow! If I was a sneak thief, the first place I'd look +would be under the pillow; after that I'd tackle the jewelry box +and the safe.' + +"There was consider'ble more talk. Seems the Sterzers had left +Henry on guard, same as they always done, when they went to supper. +They could trust him and Suzette absolute, they said. But Henry +had gone down the hall after a drink of water, and when he had got +back everything apparently was all right. 'Twa'n't till Gabe +himself come up that he found the paper gone. I judged he'd made +it interestin' for Henry; the poor critter looked that way. + +"All hands agreed to keep mum for the present and to watch. Peter +hustled to the office and called up the Pinkertons over the long +distance." + +Mr. Wingate paused. Captain Sol was impatient. + +"Go on," he said. "Don't stop now, I'm gettin' anxious." + +Barzilla rose to his feet. "Here's your McKay man back again," he +said. "Let's go up to your house and have breakfast. We can talk +while we're eatin'. I'm empty as a poorhouse boarder's +pocketbook." + + +CHAPTER VI + +AVIATION AND AVARICE + + +Breakfast at Capt. Sol Berry's was a bountiful meal. The depot +master employed a middle-aged woman who came in each day, cooked +his meals and did the housework, returning to her own home at +night. After Mr. Wingate had mowed a clean swath through ham and +eggs, cornbread and coffee, and had reached the cooky and doughnut +stage, he condescended to speak further concerning the stolen +paper. + +"Well," he said, "Brown give me and Jonadab a serious talkin' to +when he got us alone." + +"'Now, fellers,' he says, 'we know what we've got to do. Nothin'll +be too good for this shebang and us if we get that agreement back. +Fust place, the thing was done a few minutes after the supper-bell +rung. That is, unless that 'Enry is in on the deal, which ain't +unlikely, considerin' the price he could get from the Gordon gang. +Was anybody late at the tables?' + +"Why, yes; there were quite a few late. Two of the 'gunners,' +who'd been on a forlorn-hope duck hunt; and a minister and his +wife, out walkin' for their health; and Parker and two fellers from +the football team, who'd been practicin'. + +"'Any of the waiters or the chambermaids?' asked Peter. + +"I'd been expectin' he'd ask that, and I hated to answer. + +"'One of the waiters was a little late,' says I. 'Willie wa'n't on +hand immediate. Said he went to wash his hands.' + +"Now the help gen'rally washed in the fo'castle--the servants' +quarters, I mean--but there was a wash room on the floor where the +Sterzer-Robinsons roomed. Peter looked at Jonadab, and the two of +'em at me. And I had to own up that Willie had come downstairs +from that wash room a few minutes after the bell rung. + +"'Hum!' says Peter T. 'Hum!' he says. 'Look here, Barzilla, +didn't you tell me you knew that feller's real name, and that he +had been studying law?' + +"'No,' says I, emphatic. 'I said 'twas law he was tryin' to get +away from. His tastes run large to literation and poetry.' + +"'Hum!' says Peter again. 'All papers are more or less literary-- +even trust agreements. Hum!' + +"'All the same,' says I, 'I'll bet my Sunday beaver that HE never +took it.' + +"They didn't answer, but looked solemn. Then the three of us went +on watch. + +"Nobody made a move to go out that evenin'. I kept whatever mail +was handed in, but there was nothin' that looked like any +agreements, and nothin' addressed to Gordon or his lawyers. At +twelve or so, the detective come. Peter drove up to the depot to +meet the special. He told the whole yarn on the way down. + +"The detective was a nice enough chap, and we agreed he should be +'Mr. Snow,' of New York, gunnin' for health and ducks. He said the +watch must be kept up all night, and in the mornin' he'd make his +fust move. So said, so done. + +"And afore breakfast that next mornin' we called everybody into the +dinin' room, boarders, help, stable hands, every last one. And +Peter made a little speech. He said that a very valuable paper had +been taken out of Mr. Robinson's room, and 'twas plain that it must +be on the premises somewhere. 'Course, nobody was suspicioned, +but, speakin' for himself, he'd feel better if his clothes and his +room was searched through. How'd the rest feel about it? + +"Well, they felt diff'rent ways, but Parker spoke up like a brick, +and said he wouldn't rest easy till HIS belongin's was pawed over, +and then the rest fell in line. We went through everybody and +every room on the place. Found nothin', of course. Snow--the +detective--said he didn't expect to. But I tell you there was some +talkin' goin' on, just the same. The minister, he hinted that he +had some doubts about them dissipated gunners; and the gunners +cal'lated they never see a parson yet wouldn't bear watchin'. As +for me, I felt like a pickpocket, and, judgin' from Jonadab's face, +he felt the same. + +"The detective man swooped around quiet, bobbin' up in unexpected +places, like a porpoise, and askin' questions once in a while. He +asked about most everybody, but about Willie, especial. I judged +Peter T. had dropped a hint to him and to Gabe. Anyhow, the old +critter give out that he wouldn't trust a poet with the silver +handles on his grandmarm's coffin. As for Grace, she acted +dreadful nervous and worried. Once I caught her swabbin' her eyes, +as if she'd been cryin'; but I'd never seen her and Willie together +but the one time I told you of. + +"Four days and nights crawled by. No symptoms yet. The Pinkertons +was watchin' the Gordon lawyers' office in New York, and they +reported that nothin' like that agreement had reached there. And +our own man--Snow--said he'd go bail it hadn't been smuggled off +the premises sense HE struck port. So 'twas safe so far; but where +was it, and who had it? + +"The final football game, the one with Wapatomac, was to be played +over on their grounds on the afternoon of the fifth day. Parker, +cap'n of the eleven, give out that, considerin' everything, he +didn't know but we'd better call it off. Old Robinson--Sterzer, of +course--wouldn't hear of it. + +"'Not much,' says he. 'I wouldn't chance your losin' that game for +forty papers. You sail in and lick 'em!' or words to that effect. + +"So the eleven was to cruise across the bay in the Greased +Lightnin', Peter's little motor launch, and the rooters was to go +by train later on. 'Twas Parker's idee, goin' in the launch. +'Twould be more quiet, less strain on the nerves of his men, and +they could talk over plays and signals on the v'yage. + +"So at nine o'clock in the forenoon they was ready, the whole team-- +three waiters, two fishermen, one carpenter from up to Wellmouth +Center, a stable hand, and Parker and three reg'lar boarders. +These last three was friends of Parker's that he'd had come down +some time afore. He knew they could play football, he said, and +they'd come to oblige him. + +"The eleven gathered on the front porch, all in togs and sweaters, +principally provided and paid for by Sterzer. Cap'n Parker had the +ball under his arm, and the launch was waitin' ready at the +landin'. All the boarders--except Grace, who was upstairs in her +room--and most of the help was standin' round to say good luck and +good-by. + +"Snow, the detective, was there, and I whispered in his ear. + +"'Say,' I says, 'do you realize that for the fust time since the +robbery here's a lot of folks leavin' the house? How do you know +but what--' + +"He winked and nodded brisk. 'I'll attend to that,' he says. + +"But he didn't have to. Parker spoke fust, and took the wind out +of his sails. + +"'Gentlemen,' says he, 'I don't know how the rest of you feel, but, +as for me, I don't start without clear skirts. I suggest that Mr. +Brown and Mr. Wingate here search each one of us, thoroughly. Who +knows,' says he, laughin', 'but what I've got that precious stolen +paper tucked inside my sweater? Ha! ha! Come on, fellers! I'll +be first.' + +"He tossed the ball into a chair and marched into the office, the +rest of the players after him, takin' it as a big joke. And there +the searchin' was done, and done thorough, 'cause Peter asked Mr. +Snow to help, and he knew how. One thing was sure; Pa Gabe's +agreement wa'n't hid about the persons of that football team. +Everybody laughed--that is, all but the old man and the detective. +Seemed to me that Snow was kind of disappointed, and I couldn't see +why. 'Twa'n't likely any of THEM was thieves. + +"Cap'n Parker picked up his football and started off for the +launch. He'd got about ha'fway to the shore when Willie--who'd +been stand-in' with the rest of the help, lookin' on--stepped +for'ard pretty brisk and whispered in the ear of the Pinkerton man. +The detective jumped, sort of, and looked surprised and mighty +interested. + +"'By George!' says he. 'I never thought of that.' Then he run to +the edge of the piazza and called. + +"'Mr. Parker!' he sings out. 'Oh, Mr. Parker!' + +"Parker was at the top of the little rise that slopes away down to +the landin'. The rest of the eleven was scattered from the shore +to the hotel steps. He turns, without stoppin', and answers. + +"'What is it?' he sings out, kind of impatient. + +"'There's just one thing we forgot to look at,' shouts Snow. +'Merely a matter of form, but just bring that-- Hey! Stop him! +Stop him!' + +"For Parker, instead of comin' back, had turned and was leggin' it +for the launch as fast as he could, and that was some. + +"'Stop!' roars the Pinkerton man, jumpin' down the steps. 'Stop, +or--' + +"'Hold him, Jim!' screeched Parker, over his shoulder. One of the +biggest men on the eleven--one of the three 'friends' who'd been so +obligin' as to come down on purpose to play football--made a dive, +caught the detective around the waist, and threw him flat. + +"'Go on, Ed!' he shouts. 'I've got him, all right.' + +"Ed--meanin' Parker--was goin' on, and goin' fast. All hands +seemed to be frozen stiff, me and Jonadab and Peter T. included. +As for me, I couldn't make head nor tail of the doin's; things was +comin' too quick for MY understandin'. + +"But there was one on that piazza who wa'n't froze. Fur from it! +Willie, the poet waiter, made a jump, swung his long legs over the +porch-rail, hit the ground, and took after that Parker man like a +cat after a field mouse. + +"Run! I never see such runnin'! He fairly flashed across that +lawn and over the rise. Parker was almost to the landin'; two more +jumps and he'd been aboard the launch. If he'd once got aboard, a +turn of the switch and that electric craft would have had him out +of danger in a shake. But them two jumps was two too many. Willie +riz off the ground like a flyin' machine, turned his feet up and +his head down, and lapped his arms around Parker's knees. Down the +pair of 'em went 'Ker-wallop!' and the football flew out of +Parker's arms. + +"In an eyewink that poet was up, grabs the ball, and comes tearin' +back toward us. + +"'Stop him!' shrieks Parker from astern. + +"'Head him off! Tackle him!' bellers the big chap who was hangin' +onto the detective. + +"They tell me that discipline and obeyin' orders is as much in +football as 'tis aboard ship. If that's so, every one of the Old +Home House eleven was onto their jobs. There was five men between +Willie and the hotel, and they all bore down on him like bats on a +June bug. + +"'Get him!' howls Parker, racin' to help. + +"'Down him!' chimes in big Jim, his knee in poor Snow's back. + +"'Run, Bearse! Run!' whoops the Pinkerton man, liftin' his mouth +out of the sand. + +"He run--don't you worry about that! Likewise he dodged. One chap +swooped at him, and he ducked under his arms. Another made a dive, +and he jumped over him. The third one he pushed one side with his +hand. 'Pushed!' did I say? 'Knocked' would be better, for the +feller--the carpenter 'twas--went over and over like a barrel +rollin' down hill. But there was two more left, and one of 'em was +bound to have him. + +"Then a window upstairs banged open. + +"'Oh, Mr. Bearse!' screamed a voice--Grace Sterzer's voice. 'Don't +let them get you!' + +"We all heard her, in spite of the shoutin' and racket. Willie +heard her, too. The two fellers, one at each side, was almost on +him, when he stopped, looked up, jumped back, and, as cool as a +rain barrel in January, he dropped that ball and kicked it. + +"I can see that picture now, like a tableau at a church sociable. +The fellers that was runnin', the others on the ground, and that +literary pie passer with his foot swung up to his chin. + +"And the ball! It sailed up and up in a long curve, began to drop, +passed over the piazza roof, and out of sight. + +"'Lock your door, Miss Sterzer,' sung out Fred Bearse--'Willie' for +short. 'Lock your door and keep that ball. I think your father's +paper is inside it.' + +"As sure as my name is Barzilla Wingate, he had kicked that +football straight through the open window into old Gabe's room." + +The depot master whooped and slapped his knee. Mr. Wingate grinned +delightedly and continued: + +"There!" he went on, "the cat's out of the bag, and there ain't +much more to tell. Everybody made a bolt for the room, old Gabe +and Peter T. in the lead. Grace let her dad in, and the ball was +ripped open in a hurry. Sure enough! Inside, between the leather +and the rubber, was the missin' agreement. Among the jubilations +and praise services nobody thought of much else until Snow, the +Pinkerton man, come upstairs, his clothes tore and his eyes and +nose full of sand. + +"'Humph!' says he. 'You've got it, hey? Good! Well, you haven't +got friend Parker. Look!' + +"Such of us as could looked out of the window. There was the +launch, with Parker and his three 'friends' in it, headin' two- +forty for blue water. + +"'Let 'em go,' says old Gabe, contented. 'I wouldn't arrest 'em if +I could. This is no police-station job.' + +"It come out afterwards that Parker was a young chap just from law +school, who had gone to work for the firm of shysters who was +attendin' to the Gordon interests. They had tracked Sterzer to the +Old Home House, and had put their new hand on the job of gettin' +that agreement. Fust he'd tried to shine up to Grace, but the +shine--her part of it--had wore off. Then he decided to steal it; +and he done it, just how nobody knows. Snow, the detective, says +he cal'lates Henry, the servant, is wiser'n most folks thinks, +fur's that's concerned. + +"Snow had found out about Parker inside of two days. Soon's he got +the report as to who he was, he was morally sartin that he was the +thief. He'd looked up Willie's record, too, and that was clear. +In fact, Willie helped him consider'ble. 'Twas him that recognized +Parker, havin' seen him play on a law-school team. Also 'twas +Willie who thought of the paper bein' in the football. + +"Land of love! What a hero they made of that waiter! + +"'By the livin' Moses!' bubbles old Gabe, shakin' both the boy's +hands. 'That was the finest run and tackle and the finest kick I +ever saw anywhere. I've seen every big game for ten years, and I +never saw anything half so good.' + +"The Pinkerton man laughed. 'There's only one chap on earth who +can kick like that. Here he is,' layin' his hand on 'Willie's' +shoulder. Bearse, the All-American half-back last year.' + +"Gabe's mouth fell open. 'Not "Bung" Bearse, of Yarvard!' he sings +out. 'Why! WHY!' + +"'Of course, father!' purrs his daughter, smilin' and happy. 'I +knew him at once. He and I were--er--slightly acquainted when I +was at Highcliffe.' + +"'But--but "Bung" Bearse!' gasps the old gent. 'Why, you rascal! +I saw you kick the goal that beat Haleton. Your reputation is +worldwide.' + +"Willie--Fred Bearse, that is--shook his head, sad and regretful. + +"'Thank you, Mr. Sterzer,' says he, in his gentle tenor. 'I have +no desire to be famous in athletics. My aspirations now are +entirely literary.' + +"Well, he's got his literary job at last, bein' engaged as sportin' +editor on one of Gabe's papers. His dad, old Sol Bearse, seems to +be pretty well satisfied, partic'lar as another engagement between +the Bearse family and the Sterzers has just been given out." + +Barzilla helped himself to another doughnut. His host leaned back +in his chair and laughed uproariously. + +"Well, by the great and mighty!" he exclaimed, "that Willie chap +certainly did fool you, didn't he. You can't always tell about +these college critters. Sometimes they break out unexpected, like +chickenpox in the 'Old Men's Home.' Ha! ha! Say, do you know Nate +Scudder?" + +"Know him? Course I know him! The meanest man on the Cape, and +livin' right in my own town, too! Well, if I didn't know him I +might trust him, and that would be the beginnin' of the end--for +me." + +"It sartin would. But what made me think of him was what he told +me about his nephew, who was a college chap, consider'ble like your +'Willie,' I jedge. Nate and this nephew, Augustus Tolliver, was +mixed up in that flyin'-machine business, you remember." + +"I know they was. Mixed up with that Professor Dixland the papers +are makin' such a fuss over. Wellmouth's been crazy over it all, +but it happened a year ago and nobody that I know of has got the +straight inside facts about it yet. Nate won't talk at all. +Whenever you ask him he busts out swearin' and walks off. His +wife's got such a temper that nobody dared ask her, except the +minister. He tried it, and ain't been the same man since." + +"Well," the depot master smilingly scratched his chin, "I cal'late +I've got those inside facts." + +"You HAVE?" + +"Yes. Nate gave 'em to me, under protest. You see, I know Nate +pretty well. I know some things about him that . . . but never +mind that part. I asked him and, at last, he told me. I'll have +to tell you in his words, 'cause half the fun was the way he told +it and the way he looked at the whole business. So you can imagine +I'm Nate, and--" + +"'Twill be a big strain on my imagination to b'lieve you're Nate +Scudder, Sol Berry." + +"Thanks. However, you'll have to do it for a spell. Well, Nate +said that it really begun when the Professor and Olivia landed at +the Wellmouth depot with the freight car full of junk. Of course, +the actual beginnin' was further back than that, when that Harmon +man come on from Philadelphy and hunted him up, makin' proclamation +that a friend of his, a Mr. Van Brunt of New York, had said that +Scudder had a nice quiet island to let and maybe he could hire it. + +"Course Nate had an island--that little sun-dried sandbank a mile +or so off shore, abreast his house, which we used to call +'Horsefoot Bar.' That crazy Van Brunt and his chum, Hartley, who +lived there along with Sol Pratt a year or so ago, re-christened it +'Ozone Island,' you remember. Nate was willin' to let it. He'd +let Tophet, if he owned it, and a fool come along who wanted to +hire it and could pay for the rent and heat. + +"So Nate and this Harmon feller rowed over to the Bar--to Ozone +Island, I mean--and the desolation and loneliness of it seemed to +suit him to perfection. So did the old house and big barn and all +the tumbledown buildin's stuck there in the beach-grass and sand. +Afore they'd left they made a dicker. He wa'n't the principal in +it. He was the private secretary and fust mate of Mr. Professor +Ansel Hobart Dixland, the scientist--perhaps Scudder'd heard of +him? + +"Perhaps he had, but if so, Nate forgot it, though he didn't tell +him that. Harmon ordered a fifteen-foot-high board fence built all +around the house and barn, and made Nate swear not to tell a soul +who was comin' nor anything. Dixland might want the island two +months, he said, or he might want it two years. Nate didn't care. +He was in for good pickin's, and begun to pick by slicin' a liberal +commission off that fencebuildin' job. There was a whole passel of +letters back and forth between Nate and Harmon, and finally Nate +got word to meet the victims at the depot. + +"There was the professor himself, an old dried-up relic with +whiskers and a temper; and there was Miss Olivia Dixland, his niece +and housekeeper, a slim, plain lookin' girl, who wore eyeglasses +and a straight up and down dress. And there was a freight car full +of crates and boxes and land knows what all. But nary sign was +there of a private secretary and assistant. The professor told +Nate that Mr. Harmon's health had suddenly broke down and he'd had +to be sent South. + +"'It's a calamity,' says he; 'a real calamity! Harmon has been +with me in my work from the beginnin'; and now, just as it is +approachin' completion, he is taken away. They say he may die. It +is very annoyin'.' + +"'Humph!' says Nate. 'Well, maybe it annoys HIM some, too; you +can't tell. What you goin' to do for a secretary?' + +"'I understand,' says the professor, 'that there is a person of +consider'ble scientific attainment residin' with you, Mr. Scudder, +at present. Harmon met him while he was here; they were in the +same class at college. Harmon recommended him highly. Olivia,' he +says to the niece, 'what was the name of the young man whom Harmon +recommended?' + +"'Tolliver, Uncle Ansel,' answers the girl, lookin' kind of +disdainful at Nate. Somehow he had the notion that she didn't take +to him fust rate. + +"'Hey?' sings out Nate. 'Tolliver? Why, that's Augustus! +AUGUSTUS! well, I'll be switched!' + +"Augustus Tolliver was Nate's nephew from up Boston way. Him and +Nate was livin' together at that time. Huldy Ann, Mrs. Scudder, +was out West, in Omaha, takin' care of a cousin of hers who was a +chronic invalid and, what's more to the purpose, owned a lot of +stock in copper mines. + +"Augustus was a freckle-faced, spindle-shanked little critter, with +spectacles and a soft, polite way of speakin' that made you want to +build a fire under him to see if he could swear like a Christian. +He had a big head with consider'ble hair on the top of it and +nothin' underneath but what he called 'science' and 'sociology.' +His science wa'n't nothin' but tommy-rot to Nate, and the +'sociology' was some kind of drivel about everybody bein' equal to +everybody else, or better. 'Seemed to think 'twas wrong to get a +good price for a thing when you found a feller soft enough to pay +it. Did you ever hear the beat of that in your life?' says Nate. + +"However, Augustus had soaked so much science and sociology into +that weak noddle of his that they kind of made him drunk, as you +might say, and the doctor had sent him down to board with the +Scudders and sleep it off. 'Nervous prostration' was the way he +had his symptoms labeled, and the nerve part was all right, for if +a hen flew at him he'd holler and run. Scart! you never see such a +scart cat in your born days. Scart of a boat, scart of being +seasick, scart of a gun, scart of everything! Most special he was +scart of Uncle Nate. The said uncle kept him that way so's he +wouldn't dast to kick at the grub him and Huldy Ann give him, I +guess. + +"'Augustus Tolliver,' says old Dixland, noddin'. 'Yes, that is the +name. Has he had a sound scientific trainin'?' + +"'Scientific trainin'!' says Nate. 'Scientific trainin'? Why, you +bet he's had it! That's the only kind of trainin' he HAS had. +He'll be just the feller for you, Mr. Dixland.' + +"So that was settled, all but notifyin' Augustus. But Scudder +sighted another speculation in the offin', and hove alongside of +it. + +"'Mr. Harmon, when he was here,' says he, 'he mentioned you needin' +a nice, dependable man to live on the island and be sort of general +roustabout. My wife bein' away just now, and all, it struck me +that I might as well be that man. Maybe my terms'll seem a little +high, at fust mention, but--' + +"'Very good,' says the professor, 'very good. I'm sure you'll be +satisfactory. Now please see to the unloading of that car. And be +careful, VERY careful.' + +"Nate broke the news to Augustus that afternoon. He had his nose +stuck in a book, as usual, and never heard, so Nate yelled at him +like a mate on a tramp steamer, just to keep in trainin'. + +"'Who? Who? Who? What? What?' squeals Augustus, jumpin' out of +the chair as if there was pins in it. 'What is it? Who did it? +Oh, my poor nerves!' + +"'Drat your poor nerves!' Nate says. 'I've got a good promisin' +job for you. Listen to this.' + +"Then he told about the professor's wantin' Gus to be assistant and +help do what the old man called 'experiments.' + +"'Dixland?' says Gus, 'Ansel Hobart Dixland, the great scientist! +And I'm to be HIS assistant? Assistant to the man who discovered +DIXIUM and invented--' + +"'Oh, belay there!' snorts Nate, impatient. Tell me this--he's +awful rich, ain't he?' + +"'Why, I believe--yes, Harmon said he was. But to think of MY +bein'--' + +"'Now, nephew,' Nate cut in, 'let me talk to you a minute. Me and +your Aunt Huldy Ann have been mighty kind to you sence you've been +here, and here's your chance to do us a good turn. You stick close +to science and the professor and let me attend to the finances. If +this family ain't well off pretty soon it won't be your Uncle +Nate's fault. Only don't you put your oar in where 'tain't +needed.' + +"Lord love you, Gus didn't care about finances. He was so full of +joy at bein' made assistant to the great Ansel Whiskers Dixland +that he forgot everything else, nerves and all. + +"So in another day the four of 'em was landed on Ozone Island and +so was the freight-car load of crates and boxes. Grub and +necessaries was to be provided by Scudder--for salary as stated and +commission understood. + +"It took Nate less than a week to find out what old Dixland was up +to. When he learned it, he set down in the sand and fairly snorted +disgust. The old idiot was cal'latin' to FLY. Seems that for +years he'd been experimentin' with what he called 'aeroplanes,' and +now he'd reached the stage where he b'lieved he could flap his +wings and soar. 'Thinks I,' says Nate, 'your life work's cut out +for you, Nate Scudder. You'll spend the rest of your days as +gen'ral provider for the Ozone private asylum.' Well, Scudder +wa'n't complainin' none at the outlook. He couldn't make a good +livin' no easier. + +"The aeroplane was in sections in them boxes and crates. Nate and +Augustus and the professor got out the sections and fitted 'em +together. The buildin's on Ozone was all joined together--first +the house, then the ell, then the wash-rooms and big sheds, and, +finally, the barn. There was doors connectin', and you could go +from house to barn, both downstairs and up, without steppin' +outside once. + +"'Twas in the barn that they built what Whiskers called the 'flyin' +stage.' 'Twas a long chute arrangement on trestles, and the idea +was that the aeroplane was to get her start by slidin' down the +chute, out through the big doors and off by the atmosphere route to +glory. I say that was the IDEA. In practice she worked different. + +"Twice the professor made proclamations that everything was ready, +and twice they started that flyin' machine goin'. The fust time +Dixland was at the helm, and him and the aeroplane dropped headfust +into the sandbank just outside the barn. The machine was +underneath, and the pieces of it acted as a fender, so all the +professor fractured was his temper. But it took ten days to get +the contraption ready for the next fizzle. Then poor, shaky, scart +Augustus was pilot, and he went so deep into the bank that Nate +says he wondered whether 'twas wuth while doin' anything but +orderin' the gravestone. But they dug him out at last, whole, but +frightened blue, and his nerves was worse than ever after that. + +"Then old Dixland announces that he has discovered somethin' wrong +in the principle of the thing, and they had to wait while he +ordered some new fittin's from Boston. + +"Meanwhile there was other complications settin' in. Scudder was +kept busy providin' grub and such like and helpin' the niece, +Olivia, with the housework. Likewise he had his hands full keepin' +the folks alongshore from findin' out what was goin' on. All this +flyin' foolishness had to be a dead secret. + +"But, busy as he was, he found time to notice the thick +acquaintance that was developin' between Augustus and Olivia. Them +two was what the minister calls 'kindred sperrits.' Seems she was +sufferin' from science same as he was and, more'n that, she was +loaded to the gunwale with 'social reform.' To hear the pair of +'em go on about helpin' the poor and 'settlement work' and such was +enough, accordin' to Nate, to make you leave the table. But there! +He couldn't complain. Olivia was her uncle's only heir, and Nate +could see a rainbow of promise ahead for the Scudder family. + +"The niece was a nice, quiet girl. The only thing Nate had against +her, outside of the sociology craziness and her not seemin' to take +a shine to him, was her confounded pets. Nate said he never had no +use for pets--lazy critters, eatin' up the victuals and costin' +money--but Olivia was dead gone on 'em. She adopted an old +reprobate of a tom-cat, which she labeled 'Galileo,' after an +Eyetalian who invented spyglasses or somethin' similar, and a great +big ugly dog that answered to the hail of 'Phillips Brooks'; she +named him that because she said the original Phillips was a +distinguished parson and a great philanthropist. + +"That dog was a healthy philanthropist. When Nate kicked him the +first time, he chased him the whole length of the barn. After that +they had to keep him chained up. He was just pinin' for a chance +to swaller Scudder whole, and he showed it. + +"Well, as time went on, Olivia and Augustus got chummier and +chummier. Nate give 'em all the chance possible to be together, +and as for old Professor Whiskers, all he thought of, anyway, was +his blessed flyin' machine. So things was shapin' themselves well, +'cordin' to Scudder's notion. + +"One afternoon Nate come, unexpected, to the top of a sand hill at +t'other end of the island, and there, below, set Olivia and +Augustus. He had a clove hitch 'round her waist, and they was +lookin' into each other's spectacles as if they was windows in the +pearly gates. Thinks Nate: 'They've signed articles,' and he +tiptoed away, feelin' that life wa'n't altogether an empty dream. + +"They was lively hours, them that followed. To begin with, when +Nate got back to the barn he found the professor layin' on the +floor, under the flyin' stage, groanin' soulful but dismal. He'd +slipped off one of the braces of the trestles and sprained both +wrists and bruised himself till he wa'n't much more than one big +lump. He hadn't bruised his tongue none to speak of, though, and +his language wa'n't sprained so that you'd notice it. What broke +him up most of all was that he'd got his aeroplane ready to 'fly' +again, and now he was knocked out so's he couldn't be aboard when +she went off the ways. + +"'It is the irony of fate,' says he. + +"'I got it off the blacksmith over to Wellmouth Centre,' Nate told +him; 'but HE might have got it from Fate, or whoever you mean. +'Twas slippery iron, I know that, and I warned you against steppin' +on it yesterday.' + +"The professor more'n hinted that Nate was a dunderhead idiot, and +then he commenced to holler for Tolliver; he wanted to see Tolliver +right off. Scudder thought he'd ought to see a doctor, but he +wouldn't, so Nate plastered him up best he could, got him into the +big chair in the front room, and went huntin' Augustus. Him and +Olivia was still camped in the sand bank. Gus's right arm had got +tired by this time, I cal'late, but he had a new hitch with his +left. Likewise they was still starin' into each other's specs. + +"'Excuse me for interruptin' the mesmerism,' says Nate, 'but the +professor wants to see you.' + +"They jumped and broke away. But it took more'n that to bring 'em +down out of the clouds. They'd been flyin' a good sight higher +than the old aeroplane had yet. + +"'Uncle Nathan,' says Augustus, gettin' up and shakin' hands, 'I +have the most wonderful news for you. It's hardly believable. +You'll never guess it.' + +"'Give me three guesses and I'll win on the fust,' says Nate. 'You +two are engaged.' + +"They looked at him as if he'd done somethin' wonderful. 'But, +Uncle,' says Gus, shakin' hands again, 'just think! she's actually +consented to marry me.' + +"'Well, that's gen'rally understood to be a part of engagin', ain't +it?' says Nate. 'I'm glad to hear it. Miss Dixiand, I +congratulate you. You've got a fine, promisin' young man.' + +"That, to Nate's notion, was about the biggest lie he ever told, +but Olivia swallered it for gospel. She seemed to thaw toward +Scudder a little mite, but 'twa'n't at a permanent melt, by no +means. + +"'Thank you, Mr. Scudder,' says she, still pretty frosty. 'I am +full aware of Mr. Tolliver's merits. I'm glad to learn that YOU +recognize them. He has told some things concernin' his stay at +your home which--' + +"'Yes, yes,' says Nate, kind of hurried. 'Well, I'm sorry to dump +bad news into a puddle of happiness like this, but your Uncle +Ansel, Miss Dixland, has been tryin' to fly without his machine, +and he's sorry for it.' + +"Then he told what had happened to the professor, and Olivia +started on the run for the house. Augustus was goin', too, but +Nate held him back. + +"'Wait a minute, Gus,' says he. 'Walk along with me; I want to +talk with you. Now, as an older man, your nighest relation, and +one that's come to love you like a son--yes, sir, like a son--I +think it's my duty just now to say a word of advice. You're goin' +to marry a nice girl that's comin' in for a lot of money one of +these days. The professor, he's kind of old, his roof leaks +consider'ble, and this trouble is likely to hurry the end along. + +"'Now, then,' Nate goes on, 'Augustus, my boy, what are you and +that simple, childlike girl goin' to do with all that money? How +are you goin' to take care of it? You and 'Livia--you mustn't mind +my callin' her that 'cause she's goin' to be one of the family so +soon--you'll want to be fussin' with science and such, and you +won't have no time to attend to the finances. You'll need a good, +safe person to be your financial manager. Well, you know me and +you know your Aunt Huldy Ann. WE know all about financin'; WE'VE +had experience. You just let us handle the bonds and coupons and +them trifles. We'll invest 'em for you. We'll be yours and +'Livia's financial managers. As for our wages, maybe they'll seem +a little high, but that's easy arranged. And--' + +"Gus interrupted then. 'Oh, that's all settled,' he says. 'Olivia +and I have planned all that. When we're married we shall devote +our lives to social work--to settlement work. All the money we +ever get we shall use to help the poor. WE don't want any of it. +We shall live AMONG the poor, live just as frugally as they do. +Our money we shall give--every cent of it--to charity and--' + +"'Lord sakes!' yells Nate, 'DON'T talk that way! Don't! Be you +crazy, too? Why--' + +"But Gus went on, talkin' a steady streak about livin' in a little +tenement in what he called the 'slums' and chuckin' the money to +this tramp and that, till Nate's head was whirlin'. 'Twa'n't no +joke. He meant it and so did she, and they was just the pair of +loons to do it, too. + +"Afore Nate had a chance to think up anything sensible to say, +Olivia comes hollerin' for Gus to hurry. Off he went, and Nate +followed along, holdin' his head and staggerin' like a voter comin' +home from a political candidate's picnic. All he could think of +was: 'THIS the end of all my plannin'! What--WHAT'LL Huldy Ann say +to THIS?' + +"Nate found the professor bolstered up in his chair, with the other +two standin' alongside. He was layin' down the law about that +blessed aeroplane. + +"'No! no! NO! I tell you!' he roars, 'I'll see no doctor. My +invention is ready at last, and, if I'm goin' to die, I'll die +successful. Tolliver, you've been a faithful worker with me, and +yours shall be the privilege of makin' the first flight. Wheel me +to the window, Olivia, and let me see my triumph.' + +"But Olivia didn't move. Instead, she looked at Augustus and he at +her. 'Wheel me to the window!' yells Dixland. 'Tolliver, what are +you waitin' for? The doors are open, the aeroplane is ready. Go +this instant and fly.' + +"Augustus was a bird all right, 'cordin' to Nate's opinion, but he +didn't seem anxious to spread his wings. He was white, and them +nerves of his was all in a twitter. If ever there was a scart +critter, 'twas him then. + +"'Go out and fly,' says Nate to him, pretty average ugly. 'Don't +you hear the boss's order? Here, professor, I'll push you to the +window.' + +"'Thank you, Scudder,' says Dixland. And then turnin' to Gus: +'Well, sir, may I ask why you wait?' + +"'Twas Olivia that answered. 'Uncle Ansel,' says she, 'I must tell +you somethin'. I should have preferred tellin' you privately,' she +puts in, glarin' at Nate, 'but it seems I can't. Mr. Tolliver and +I are engaged to be married.' + +"Old Whiskers didn't seem to care a continental. All he had in his +addled head was that flyin' contraption. + +"'All right, all right,' he snaps, fretty, 'I'm satisfied. He +appears to be a decent young man enough. But now I want him to +start my aeroplane.' + +"'No, Uncle Ansel,' goes on Olivia, 'I cannot permit him to risk +his life in that way. His nerves are not strong and neither is his +heart. Besides, the aeroplane has failed twice. Luckily no one +was killed in the other trials, but the chances are that the third +time may prove fatal.' + +"'Fatal, you imbecile!' shrieks the professor. 'It's perfected, I +tell you! I--' + +"'It makes no difference. No, uncle, Augustus and I have made up +our minds. His life and health are too precious; he must be spared +for the grand work that we are to do together. No, Uncle Ansel, he +shall NOT fly.' + +"Did you ever see a cat in a fit? That was the professor just +then, so Nate said. He tried to wave his sprained wrists and +couldn't; tried to stamp his foot and found it too lame. But his +eyeglasses flashed sparks and his tongue spit fire. + +"'Are you goin' to start that machine?' he screams at the blue- +white, shaky Augustus. + +"'No, Professor Dixland,' stammers Gus. 'No, sir, I'm sorry, but--' + +"'Why don't you ask Mr. Scudder to make the experiment, uncle?' +suggests that confounded niece, smilin' the spitefullest smile. + +"'Scudder,' says the professor, 'I'll give you five thousand +dollars cash to start in that aeroplane this moment.' + +"For a jiffy Nate was staggered. Five thousand dollars CASH--whew! +But then he thought of how deep Gus had been shoved into that +sandbank. And there was a new and more powerful motor aboard the +thing now. Five thousand dollars ain't much good to a telescoped +corpse. He fetched a long breath. + +"'Well, now, Mr. Dixland,' he says, 'I'd like to, fust rate, but +you see I don't know nothin' about mechanics.' + +"'Professor--' begins Augustus. 'Twas the final straw. Old +Whiskers jumped out of the chair, lameness and all. + +"'Out of this house, you ingrate!' he bellers. 'Out this instant! +I discharge you. Go! go!' + +"He was actually frothin' at the mouth. I cal'late Olivia thought +he was goin' to die, for she run to him. + +"'You'd better go, I think,' says she to her shakin' beau. 'Go, +dear, now. I must stay with him for the present, but we will see +each other soon. Go now, and trust me.' + +"'I disown you, you ungrateful girl,' foams her uncle. 'Scudder, I +order you to put that--that creature off this island.' + +"'Yes, sir,' says Nate, polite; 'in about two shakes of a heifer's +tail.' + +"He started for Augustus, and Gus started for the door. I guess +Olivia might have interfered, but just then the professor keels +over in a kind of faint and she had to tend to him. Gus darts out +of the door with Nate after him. Scudder reached the beach just as +his nephew was shovin' off in the boat, bound for the mainland. + +"'Consarn your empty head!' Nate yelled after him. 'See what you +get by not mindin' me, don't you? I'm runnin' things on this +island after this. I'm boss here; understand? When you're ready +to sign a paper deedin' over ha'f that money your wife's goin' to +get to me and Huldy Ann, maybe I'll let you come back. And perhaps +then I'll square things for you with Dixland. But if you dare to +set foot on these premises until then I'll murder you; I'll drown +you; I'll cut you up for bait; I'll feed you to the dog.' + +"He sculled off, his oars rattlin' 'Hark from the tomb' in the +rowlocks. He b'lieved Nate meant it all. Oh, Scudder had HIM +trained all right." + + +CHAPTER VII + +CAPTAIN SOL DECIDES TO MOVE + + +"Trust Nate for that," interrupted Wingate. "He's just as much a +born bully as he is a cheat and a skinflint." + +"Yup," went on Captain Sol. "Well, when Nate got back to the house +the professor was alone in the chair, lookin' sick and weak. +Olivia was up in her room havin' a cryin' fit. Nate got the old +man to bed, made him some clam soup and hot tea, and fetched and +carried for him like he was a baby. The professor's talk was +mainly about the ungrateful desertion, as he called it, of his +assistant. + +"'Keep him away from this island,' he says. 'If he comes, I shall +commit murder; I know it.' + +"Scudder promised that Augustus shouldn't come back. The professor +wanted guard kept night and day. Nate said he didn't know's he +could afford so much time, and Dixland doubled his wages on the +spot. So Nate agreed to stand double watches, made him comfort'ble +for the night, and left him. + +"Olivia didn't come downstairs again. She didn't seem to want any +supper, but Nate did and had it, a good one. Galileo, the cat, +came yowlin' around, and Nate kicked him under the sofy. Phillips +Brooks was howlin' starvation in the woodshed, and Scudder let him +howl. If he starved to death Nate wouldn't put no flowers on his +grave. Take it altogether, he was havin' a fairly good time. + +"And when, later on, he set alone up in his room over the kitchen, +he begun to have a better one. Prospects looked good. Maybe old +Dixland WOULD disown his niece. If he did, Nate figgered he was as +healthy a candidate for adoption as anybody. And Augustus would +have to come to terms or stay single. That is, unless him and +Olivia got married on nothin' a week, paid yearly. Nate guessed +Huldy Ann would think he'd managed pretty well. + +"He set there for a long while, thinkin', and then he says he +cal'lates he must have dozed off. At any rate, next thing he knew +he was settin' up straight in his chair, listenin'. It seemed to +him that he'd heard a sound in the kitchen underneath. + +"He looked out of the window, and right away he noticed somethin'. +'Twas a beautiful, clear moonlight night, and the high board fence +around the buildin's showed black against the white sand. And in +that white strip was a ten-foot white gape. Nate had shut that +gate afore he went upstairs. Who'd opened it? Then he heard the +noise in the kitchen again. Somebody was talkin' down there. + +"Nate got up and tiptoed acrost the room. He was in his stockin' +feet, so he didn't make a sound. He reached into the corner and +took out his old duck gun. It was loaded, both barrels. Nate +cocked the gun and crept down the back stairs. + +"There was a lamp burnin' low on the kitchen table, and there, in a +couple of chairs hauled as close together as they could be, set +that Olivia niece and Augustus. They was in a clove hitch again +and whisperin' soft and slushy. + +"My! but Scudder was b'ilin'! He give one jump and landed in the +middle of that kitchen floor. + +"'You--you--you!' he yelled, wavin' the shotgun. 'You're back +here, are you? You know what I told you I'd do to you? Well, now, +I'll do it.' + +"The pair of 'em had jumped about as far as Nate had, only the +opposite way. Augustus was a paralyzed statue, but Olivia had her +senses with her. + +"'Run, Augustus!' she screamed. 'He'll shoot you. Run!' + +"And then, with a screech like a siren whistle, Augustus commenced +to run. Nate was between him and the outside door, so he bolted +headfirst into the dining room. And after him went Nate Scudder, +so crazy mad he didn't know what he was doin'. + +"'Twas pitch dark in the dining room, but through it they went +rattlety bang! dishes smashin', chairs upsettin' and 'hurrah, +boys!' to pay gen'rally. Then through the best parlor and into the +front hall. + +"I cal'late Nate would have had him at the foot of the front stairs +if it hadn't been for Galileo. That cat had been asleep on the +sofy, and the noise and hullabaloo had stirred him up till he was +as crazy as the rest of 'em. He run right under Nate's feet and +down went Nate sprawlin' and both barrels of the shotgun bust loose +like a couple of cannon. + +"Galileo took for tall timber, whoopin' anthems. Up them front +stairs went Augustus, screechin' shrill, like a woman; he was SURE +Nate meant to murder him now. And after him his uncle went on all +fours, swearin' tremendous. + +"Then 'twas through one bedroom after another, and each one more +crowded with noisy, smashable things than that previous. Nate said +he could remember the professor roarin' 'Fire!' and 'Help!' as the +two of 'em bumped into his bed, but they didn't stop--they was too +busy. The whole length of the house upstairs they traveled, then +through the ell, then the woodshed loft, and finally out into the +upper story of the barn. And there Nate knew he had him. The +ladder was down. + +"'Now!' says Nate. 'Now, you long-legged villain, if I don't give +you what's comin' to you, then-- Oh, there ain't no use in your +climbin' out there; you can't get down.' + +"The big barn doors was open, and, in the moonlight, Nate could see +Gus scramblin' up and around on the flyin' stage where the +professor's aeroplane was perched, lookin' like some kind of +magnified June bug. + +"'Come back, you fool!' Scudder yelled at him. 'Come back and be +butchered. You might as well; it's too high for you to drop. You +won't? Then I'll come after you.' + +"Nate says he never shall forget Augustus's face in the blue light +when he see his uncle climbin' out on that stage after him. He was +simply desperate--that's it, desperate. And the next thing he did +was jump into the saddle of the machine and pull the startin' +lever. + +"There was the buzz of the electric motor, a slippery, slidin' +sound, one awful hair-raisin' whoop from Augustus, and then-- +'F-s-s-s-t!'--down the flyin' stage whizzed that aeroplane and out +through the doors. + +"Nate set down on the trestles and waited for the sound of the +smash. I guess he actually felt conscience stricken. Of course, +he'd only done his duty, and yet-- + +"But no smash came. Instead, there was a long scream from the +kitchen--Olivia's voice that was. And then another yell that for +pure joy beat anything ever heard. + +"'It flies!' screamed Professor Ansel Hobart Whiskers Dixland, from +his bedroom window. 'At last! At last! It FLIES!' + +"It took Nate some few minutes to paw his way back through the shed +loft and the ell over the things him and Gus knocked down on the +fust lap, until he got to his room where the trouble had started. +Then he went down to the kitchen and outdoor. + +"Olivia, a heavenly sort of look on her face, was standin' in the +moonlight, with her hands clasped, lookin' up at the sky. + +"'It flies!' says she, in a kind of whisper over and over again. +'Oh! it FLIES!' + +"Alongside of her was old Dixland, wrapped in a bedquilt, +forgettin' all about sprains and lameness; and he likewise was +staring at the sky and sayin' over and over: + +"'It flies! It really FLIES!' + +"And Nate looked up, and there, scootin' around in circles, now up +high and now down low, tippin' this way and tippin' that, was that +aeroplane. And in the stillness you could hear the buzz of the +motor and the yells of Augustus. + +"Down flopped Scudder in the sand. 'Great land of love,' he says, +'it FLIES!' + +"Well, for five minutes or so they watched that thing swoop and +duck and sail up there overhead. And then, slow and easy as a +feather in a May breeze, down she flutters and lands soft on a +hummock a little ways off. And that Augustus--a fool for luck-- +staggers out of it safe and sound, and sets down and begins to cry. + +"The fust thing to reach him was Olivia. She grabbed him around +the neck, and you never heard such goin's on as them two had. Nate +come hurryin' up. + +"'Here you!' he says, pullin' 'em apart. 'That's enough of this. +And you,' he adds to Gus, 'clear right out off this island. I +won't make shark bait of you this time, but--' + +"And then comes Dixland, hippity-hop over the hummocks. 'My noble +boy!' he sings out, fallin' all of a heap onto Augustus's round +shoulders. 'My noble boy! My hero!' + +"Nate looked on for a full minute with his mouth open. Olivia went +away toward the house. The professor and Gus was sheddin' tears +like a couple of waterin' pots. + +"'Come! come!' says Scudder finally; 'get up, Mr. Dixland; you'll +catch cold. Now then, you Tolliver, toddle right along to your +boat. Don't you worry, professor, I'll fix him so's he won't come +here no more.' + +"But the professor turned on him like a flash. + +"'How dare you interfere?' says he. 'I forgive him everything. He +is a hero. Why, man, he FLEW!' + +"Olivia came up behind and touched Nate on the shoulders. 'Don't +you think you'd better go, Mr. Scudder?' she purred. 'I've +unchained Phillips Brooks.' + +"Nate swears he never made better time than he done gettin' to the +shore and the boat Augustus had come over in. But that +philanthropist dog only missed the supper he'd been waitin' for by +about a foot and a half, even as 'twas. + +"And that was the end of it, fur's Nate was concerned. Olivia was +boss from then on, and Scudder wa'n't allowed to land on his own +island. And pretty soon they all went away, flyin' machine and +all, and now Gus and Olivia are married." + +"Well, by gum!" cried Wingate. "Say, that must have broke Nate's +heart completely. All that good money goin' to the poor. Ha! ha!" + +"Yes," said Captain Sol, with a broad grin. "Nate told me that +every time he realized that Gus's flyin' at all was due to his +scarin' him into it, it fairly made him sick of life." + +"What did Huldy Ann say? I'll bet the fur flew when SHE heard of +it!" + +"I guess likely it did. Scudder says her jawin's was the worst of +all. Her principal complaint was that he didn't take up with the +professor's five-thousand offer and try to fly. 'What if 'twas +risky?' she says. 'If anything happened to you the five thousand +would have come to your heirs, wouldn't it? But no! you never +think of no one but yourself.'" + +Mr. Wingate glanced at his watch. "Good land!" he cried, "I didn't +realize 'twas so late. I must trot along down and meet Stitt. He +and I are goin' to corner the clam market." + +"I must be goin', too," said the depot master, rising and moving +toward the door, picking up his cap on the way. He threw open the +door and exclaimed, "Hello! here's Sim. What you got on your mind, +Sim?" + +Mr. Phinney looked rather solemn. "I wanted to speak with you a +minute, Sol," he began. "Hello! Barzilla, I didn't know you was +here." + +"I shan't be here but one second longer," replied Mr. Wingate, as +he and Phinney shook hands. "I'm late already. Bailey'll think I +ain't comin'. Good-by, boys. See you this afternoon, maybe." + +"Yes, do," cried Berry, as his guest hurried down to the gate. "I +want to hear about those automobiles over your way. You ain't +bought one, have you, Barzilla?" + +Wingate grinned over his shoulder. "No," he called, "I ain't. But +other folks you know have. It's the biggest joke on earth. You +and Sim'll want to hear it." + +He waved a big hand and walked briskly up the Shore Road. The +depot master turned to his friend. + +"Well, Sim?" he asked. + +"Well, Sol," answered the building mover gravely, "I've just met +Mr. Hilton, the minister, and he told me somethin' about Olive +Edwards, somethin' I thought you'd want to know. You said for me +to find out what she was cal'latin' to do when she had to give up +her home and--" + +"I know what I said," interrupted the depot master rather sharply. +"What did Hilton say?" + +"Mr. Hilton told me not to tell," continued Phinney, "and I shan't +tell nobody but you, Sol. I know you wont t mention it. The +minister says that Olive's hard up as she can be. All she's got in +the world is the little furniture and store stuff in her house. +The store stuff don't amount to nothin', but the furniture belonged +to her pa and ma, and she set a heap by it. Likewise, as everybody +knows, she's awful proud and self-respectin'. Anything like +charity would kill her. Now out West--in Omaha or somewheres-- +she's got a cousin who owed her dad money. Old Cap'n Seabury lent +this Omaha man two or three thousand dollars and set him up in +business. Course, the debt's outlawed, but Olive don't realize +that, or, if she did, it wouldn't count with her. She couldn't +understand how law would have any effect on payin' money you +honestly owe. She's written to the Omaha cousin, tellin' him what +a scrape she's in and askin' him to please, if convenient, let her +have a thousand or so on account. She figgers if she gets that, +she can go to Bayport or Orham or somewheres and open another +notion store." + +Captain Berry lit a cigar. "Hum!" he said, after a minute. "You +say she's written to this chap. Has she got an answer yet?" + +"No, not any definite one. She heard from the man's wife sayin' +that her husband--the cousin--had gone on a fishin' trip somewheres +up in Canady and wouldn't be back afore the eighth of next month. +Soon's he does come he'll write her. But Mr. Hilton thinks, and so +do I--havin' heard a few things about this cousin--that it's mighty +doubtful if he sends any money." + +"Yes, I shouldn't wonder. Where's Olive goin' to stay while she's +waitin' to hear?" + +"In her own house. Mr. Hilton went to Williams and pleaded with +him, and he finally agreed to let her stay there until the +'Colonial' is moved onto the lot. Then the Edwardses house'll be +tore down and Olive'll have to go, of course." + +The depot master puffed thoughtfully at his cigar. + +"She won't hear before the tenth, at the earliest," he said. "And +if Williams begins to move his 'Colonial' at once, he'll get it to +her lot by the seventh, sure. Have you given him your figures for +the job?" + +"Handed 'em in this very mornin'. One of his high-and-mighty +servants, all brass buttons and braid, like a feller playin' in the +band, took my letter and condescended to say he'd pass it on to +Williams. I'd liked to have kicked the critter, just to see if he +COULD unbend; but I jedged 'twouldn't be good business." + +"Probably not. If the 'Colonial' gets to Olive's lot afore she +hears from the Omaha man, what then?" + +"Well, that's the worst of it. The minister don't know what she'll +do. There's plenty of places where she'd be more'n welcome to +visit a spell, but she's too proud to accept. Mr. Hilton's afraid +she'll start for Boston to hunt up a job, or somethin'. You know +how much chance she stands of gettin' a job that's wuth anything." + +Phinney paused, anxiously awaiting his companion's reply. When it +came it was very unsatisfactory. + +"I'm goin' to the depot," said the Captain, brusquely. "So long, +Sim." + +He slammed the door of the house behind him, strode to the gate, +flung it open, and marched on. Simeon gazed in astonishment, then +hurried to overtake him. Ranging alongside, he endeavored to +reopen the conversation, but to no purpose. The depot master would +not talk. They turned into Cross Street. + +"Well!" exclaimed Mr. Phinney, panting from his unaccustomed hurry, +"what be we, runnin' a race? Why! . . . Oh, how d'ye do, Mr. +Williams, sir? Want to see me, do you?" + +The magnate of East Harniss stepped forward. + +"Er--Phinney," he said, " I want a moment of your time. Morning, +Berry." + +"Mornin', Williams," observed Captain Sol brusquely. "All right, +Sim. I'll wait for you farther on." + +He continued his walk. The building mover stood still. Mr. +Williams frowned with lofty indignation. + +"Phinney," he said, "I've just looked over those figures of yours, +your bid for moving my new house. The price is ridiculous." + +Simeon attempted a pleasantry. "Yes," he answered, "I thought +'twas ridic'lous myself; but I needed the money, so I thought I +could afford to be funny." + +The Williams frown deepened. + +"I didn't mean ridiculously low," he snapped; "I meant ridiculously +high. I'd rather help out you town fellows if I can, but you can't +work me for a good thing. I've written to Colt and Adams, of +Boston, and accepted their offer. You had your chance and didn't +see fit to take it. That's all. I'm sorry." + +Simeon was angry; also a trifle skeptical. + +"Mr. Williams," he demanded, "do you mean to tell me that THEM +people have agreed to move you cheaper'n I can?" + +"Their price--their actual price may be no lower; but considering +their up-to-date outfit and--er--progressive methods, they're +cheaper. Yes. Morning, Phinney." + +He turned on his heel and walked off. Mr. Phinney, crestfallen and +angrier than ever, moved on to where the depot master stood waiting +for him. Captain Sol smiled grimly. + +"You don't look merry as a Christmas tree, Sim," he observed. +"What did his Majesty have to say to you?" + +Simeon related the talk with Williams. The depot master's grim +smile grew broader. + +"Sim," he asked, with quiet sarcasm, "don't you realize that +progressive methods are necessary in movin' a house?" + +Phinney tried to smile in return, but the attempt was a failure. + +"Yes," went on the Captain. "Well, if you can't take the Grand +Panjandrum home, you can set on the fence and see him go by. That +ought to be honor enough, hadn't it? However, I may need some of +your ridiculous figgers on a movin' job of my own, pretty soon. +Don't be TOO comical, will you?" + +"What do you mean by that, Sol Berry?" + +"I mean that I may decide to move my own house." + +"Move your OWN house? Where to, for mercy sakes?" + +"To that lot on Main Street that belongs to Abner Payne. Abner has +wanted to buy my lot here on the Shore Road for a long time. He +knows it'll make a fine site for some rich bigbug's summer +'cottage.' He would have bought the house, too, but I think too +much of that to sell it. Now Abner's come back with another offer. +He'll swap my lot for the Main Street one, pay my movin' expenses +and a fair 'boot' besides. He don't really care for my HOUSE, you +understand; it's my LAND he's after." + +"Are you goin' to take it up?" + +"I don't know. The Main Street lot's a good one, and my house'll +look good on it. And I'll make money by the deal." + +"Yes, but you've always swore by that saltwater view of yours. +Told me yourself you never wanted to live anywheres else." + +Captain Sol took the cigar from his lips, looked at it, then threw +it violently into the gutter. + +"What difference does it make where I live?" he snarled. "Who in +blazes cares where I live or whether I live at all?" + +"Sol Berry, what on airth--" + +"Shut up! Let me alone, Sim! I ain't fit company for anybody just +now. Clear out, there's a good feller." + +The next moment he was striding down the hill. Mr. Phinney drew a +long breath, scratched his head and shook it solemnly. WHAT did it +all mean? + + +CHAPTER VIII + +THE OBLIGATIONS OF A GENTLEMAN + + +The methods of Messrs. Colt and Adams, the Boston firm of building +movers, were certainly progressive, if promptness in getting to +work is any criterion. Two days after the acceptance of their +terms by Mr. Williams, a freight car full of apparatus arrived at +East Harniss. Then came a foreman and a gang of laborers. Horses +were hired, and within a week the "pure Colonial" was off its +foundations and on its way to the Edwards lot. The moving was no +light task. The big house must be brought along the Shore Road to +the junction with the Hill Boulevard, then swung into that +aristocratic highway and carried up the long slope, around the wide +curve, to its destination. + +Mr. Phinney, though he hated the whole operation, those having it +in charge, and the mighty Williams especially, could not resist +stealing down to see how his successful rivals were progressing +with the work he had hoped to do. It caused him much chagrin to +see that they were getting on so very well. One morning, after +breakfast, as he stood at the corner of the Boulevard and the Shore +Road, he found himself engaged in a mental calculation. + +Three days more and they would swing into the Boulevard; four or +five days after that and they would be abreast the Edwards lot. +Another day and . . . Poor Olive! She would be homeless. Where +would she go? It was too early for a reply from the Omaha cousin, +but Simeon, having questioned the minister, had little hope that +that reply would be favorable. Still it was a chance, and if the +money SHOULD come before the "pure Colonial" reached the Edwards +lot, then the widow would at least not be driven penniless from her +home. She would have to leave that home in any event, but she +could carry out her project of opening another shop in one of the +neighboring towns. Otherwise . . . Mr. Phinney swore aloud. + +"Humph!" said a voice behind him. "I agree with you, though I +don't know what it's all about. I ain't heard anything better put +for a long while." + +Simeon spun around, as he said afterwards, "like a young one's +pinwheel." At his elbow stood Captain Berry, the depot master, +hands in pockets, cigar in mouth, the personification of calmness +and imperturbability. He had come out of his house, which stood +close to the corner, and walked over to join his friend. + +"Land of love!" exclaimed Simeon. "Why don't you scare a fellow to +death, tiptoein' around? I never see such a cat-foot critter!" + +Captain Sol smiled. "Jumpin' it, ain't they?" he said, nodding +toward the "Colonial." "Be there by the tenth, won't it?" + +"Tenth!" Mr. Phinney sniffed disgust. "It'll be there by the +sixth, or I miss my guess." + +"Yup. Say, Sim, how soon could you land that shanty of mine in the +road if I give you the job to move it?" + +"I couldn't get it up to the Main Street lot inside of a +fortnight," replied Sim, after a moment's reflection. "Fur's +gettin' it in the road goes, I could have it here day after to- +morrow if I had gang enough." + +The depot master took the cigar out of his mouth and blew a ring of +smoke. "All right," he drawled, "get gang enough." + +Phinney jumped. "You mean you've decided to take up with Payne's +offer and swap your lot for his?" he gasped. "Why, only two or +three days ago you said--" + +"Ya-as. That was two or three days ago, and I've been watchin' the +'Colonial' since. I cal'late the movin' habit's catchin'. You +have your gang here by noon to-day." + +"Sol Berry, are you crazy? You ain't seen Abner Payne; he's out of +town--" + +"Don't have to see him. He's made me an offer and I'll write and +accept it." + +"But you've got to have a selectmen's permit to move--" + +"Got it. I went up and saw the chairman an hour ago. He's a +friend of mine. I nominated him town-meetin' day." + +"But," stammered Phinney, very much upset by the suddenness of it +all, "you ain't got my price nor--" + +"Drat your price! Give it when I ask it. See here, Sim, are you +goin' to have my house in the middle of the road by day after to- +morrer? Or was that just talk?" + +"'Twa'n't talk. I can have it there, but--" + +"All right," said Captain Sol coolly, "then have it." + +Hands in pockets, he strolled away. Simeon sat down on a rock by +the roadside and whistled. + +However, whistling was a luxurious and time-wasting method of +expressing amazement, and Mr. Phinney could not afford luxuries +just then. For the rest of that day he was a busy man. As Bailey +Stitt expressed it, he "flew round like a sand flea in a mitten," +hiring laborers, engaging masons, and getting his materials ready. +That very afternoon the masons began tearing down the chimneys of +the little Berry house. Before the close of the following day it +was on the rollers. By two of the day after that it was in the +middle of the Shore Road, just when its mover had declared it +should be. They were moving it, furniture and all, and Captain Sol +was, as he said, going to "stay right aboard all the voyage." No +cooking could be done, of course, but the Captain arranged to eat +at Mrs. Higgins's hospitable table during the transit. His sudden +freak was furnishing material for gossip throughout the village, +but he did not care. Gossip concerning his actions was the last +thing in the world to trouble Captain Sol Berry. + +The Williams's "Colonial" was moving toward the corner at a rapid +rate, and the foreman of the Boston moving firm walked over to see +Mr. Phinney. + +"Say," he observed to Simeon, who, the perspiration streaming down +his face, was resting for a moment before recommencing his labor of +arranging rollers; "say," observed the foreman, "we'll be ready to +turn into the Boulevard by tomorrer night and you're blockin' the +way." + +"That's all right," said Simeon, "we'll be past the Boulevard +corner by that time." + +He thought he was speaking the truth, but next morning, before work +began, Captain Berry appeared. He had had breakfast and strolled +around to the scene of operations. + +"Well," asked Phinney, "how'd it seem to sleep on wheels?" + +"Tiptop," replied the depot master. "Like it fust rate. S'pose my +next berth will be somewheres up there, won't it?" + +He was pointing around the corner instead of straight ahead. +Simeon gaped, his mouth open. + +"Up THERE?" he cried. "Why, of course not. That's the Boulevard. +We're goin' along the Shore Road." + +"That so? I guess not. We're goin' by the Boulevard. Can go that +way, can't we?" + +"Can?" repeated Simeon aghast. "Course we CAN! But it's like +boxin' the whole compass backward to get ha'f a p'int east of +no'th. It's way round Robin Hood's barn. It'll take twice as long +and cost--" + +"That's good," interrupted the Captain. "I like to travel, and I'm +willin' to pay for it. Think of the view I'll get on the way." + +"But your permit from the selectmen--" began Phinney. Berry held +up his hand. + +"My permit never said nothin' about the course to take," he +answered, his eye twinkling just a little. "There, Sim, you're +wastin' time. I move by the Hill Boulevard." + +And into the Boulevard swung the Berry house. The Colt and Adams +foreman was an angry man when he saw the beams laid in that +direction. He rushed over and asked profane and pointed questions. + +"Thought you said you was goin' straight ahead?" he demanded. + +"Thought I was," replied Simeon, "but, you see, I'm only navigator +of this craft, not owner." + +"Where is the blankety blank?" asked the foreman. + +"If you're referrin' to Cap'n Berry, I cal'late you'll find him at +the depot," answered Phinney. To the depot went the foreman. +Receiving little satisfaction there, he hurried to the home of his +employer, Mr. Williams. The magnate, red-faced and angry, returned +with him to the station. Captain Sol received them blandly. Issy, +who heard the interview which followed, declared that the depot +master was so cool that "an iceberg was a bonfire 'longside of +him." Issy's description of this interview, given to a dozen +townspeople within the next three hours, was as follows: + +"Mr. Williams," said the wide-eyed Issy, "he comes postin' into the +waitin' room, his foreman with him. Williams marches over to Cap'n +Sol and he says, 'Berry,' he says, 'are you responsible for the way +that house of yours is moved?' + +"Cap'n Sol bowed and smiled. 'Yes,' says he, sweet as a fresh +scallop. + +"'You're movin' it to Main Street, aren't you? I so understood.' + +"'You understood correct. That's where she's bound.' + +"'Then what do you mean by turning out of your road and into mine?' + +"'Oh, I don't own any road. Have you bought the Boulevard? The +selectmen ought to have told us that. I s'posed it was town +thoroughfare.' + +"Mr. Williams colored up a little. 'I didn't mean my road in that +sense,' he says. 'But the direct way to Main Street is along the +shore, and everybody knows it. Now why do you turn from that into +the Boulevard?' + +"Cap'n Sol took a cigar from his pocket. 'Have one?' says he, +passin' it toward Mr. Williams. 'No? Too soon after breakfast, I +s'pose. Why do I turn off?' he goes on. 'Well, I'll tell you. +I'm goin' to stay right aboard my shack while it's movin', and it's +so much pleasanter a ride up the hill that I thought I'd go that +way. I always envied them who could afford a house on the +Boulevard, and now I've got the chance to have one there--for a +spell. I'm sartin I shall enjoy it.' + +"The foreman growled, disgusted. Mr. Williams got redder yet. + +"'Don't you understand?' he snorts. 'You're blockin' the way of +the house I'M movin'. I have capable men with adequate apparatus +to move it, and they would be able to go twice as fast as your one- +horse country outfit. You're blockin' the road. Now they must +follow you. It's an outrage!' + +"Cap'n Sol smiled once more. 'Too bad,' says he. 'It's a pity +such a nice street ain't wider. If it was my street in my town--I +b'lieve that's what you call East Harniss, ain't it?--seems to me +I'd widen it.' + +"The boss of 'my town' ground his heel into the sand. 'Berry,' he +snaps, 'are you goin' to move that house over the Boulevard ahead +of mine?' + +"The Cap'n looked him square in the eye. 'Williams,' says he, 'I +am.' + +"The millionaire turned short and started to go. + +"'You'll pay for it,' he snarls, his temper gettin' free at last. + +"'I cal'late to,' purrs the Cap'n. 'I gen'rally do pay for what I +want, and a fair price, at that. I never bought in cheap mortgages +and held 'em for clubs over poor folks, never in my life. Good +mornin'.' + +"And right to Mr. Williams's own face, too," concluded Issy. "WHAT +do you think of that?" + +Here was defiance of authority and dignity, a sensation which +should have racked East Harniss from end to end. But most of the +men in the village, the tradespeople particularly, had another +matter on their minds, namely, Major Cuthbertson Scott Hardee, of +"Silverleaf Hall." The Major and his debts were causing serious +worriment. + +The creditors of the Major met, according to agreement, on the +Monday evening following their previous gathering at the club. +Obed Gott, one of the first to arrive, greeted his fellow members +with an air of gloomy triumph and a sort of condescending pity. + +Higgins, the "general store" keeper, acting as self-appointed +chairman, asked if anyone had anything to report. For himself, he +had seen the Major and asked point-blank for payment of his bill. +The Major had been very polite and was apparently much concerned +that his fellow townsmen should have been inconvenienced by any +neglect of his. He would write to his attorneys at once, so he +said. + +"He said a whole lot more, too," added Higgins. "Said he had never +been better served than by the folks in this town, and that I kept +a fine store, and so on and so forth. But I haven't got any money +yet. Anybody else had any better luck?" + +No one had, although several had had similar interviews with the +master of "Silverleaf Hall." + +"Obed looks as if he knew somethin'," remarked Weeks. "What is it, +Obed?" + +Mr. Gott scornfully waved his hand. + +"You fellers make me laugh," he said. "You talk and talk, but you +don't do nothin'. I b'lieve in doin', myself. When I went home +t'other night, thinks I: 'There's one man that might know somethin' +'bout old Hardee, and that's Godfrey, the hotel man.' So I wrote +to Godfrey up to Boston and I got a letter from him. Here 'tis." + +He read the letter aloud. Mr. Godfrey wrote that he knew nothing +about Major Hardee further than that he had been able to get +nothing from him in payment for his board. + +"So I seized his trunk," the letter concluded. "There was nothing +in it worth mentioning, but I took it on principle. The Major told +me a lot about writing to his attorneys for money, but I didn't pay +much attention to that. I'm afraid he's an old fraud, but I can't +help liking him, and if I had kept on running my hotel I guess he +would have got away scot-free." + +"There!" exclaimed the triumphant Obed, with a sneer, "I guess that +settles it, don't it? Maybe you'd be willin' to turn your bills +over to Squire Baker now." + +But they were not willing. Higgins argued, and justly, that +although the Major was in all probability a fraud, not even a +lawyer could get water out of a stone, and that when a man had +nothing, suing him was a waste of time and cash. + +"Besides," he said, "there's just a chance that he may have +attorneys and property somewheres else. Let's write him a letter +and every one of us sign it, tellin' him that we'll call on him +Tuesday night expectin' to be paid in full. If we call and don't +get any satisfaction, why, we ain't any worse off, and then we can-- +well, run him out of town, if nothin' more." + +So the letter was written and signed by every man there. It was a +long list of signatures and an alarming total of indebtedness. The +letter was posted that night. + +The days that followed seemed long to Obed. He was ill-natured at +home and ugly at the shop, and Polena declared that he was "gettin' +so a body couldn't live with him." Her own spirits were remarkably +high, and Obed noticed that, as the days went by, she seemed to be +unusually excited. On Thursday she announced that she was going to +Orham to visit her niece, one Sarah Emma Cahoon, and wouldn't be +back right off. He knew better than to object, and so she went. + +That evening each of the signers of the letter to Major Hardee +received a courteous note saying that the Major would be pleased to +receive the gentlemen at the Hall. Nothing was said about payment. + +So, after some discussion, the creditors marched in procession +across the fields and up to "Silverleaf Hall." + +"Hardee's been to Orham to-day," whispered the keeper of the livery +stable, as they entered the yard. "He drove over this mornin' and +come back to-night." + +"DROVE over!" exclaimed Obed, halting in his tracks. "He did? +Where'd he get the team? I'll bet five dollars you was soft enough +to let him have it, and never said a word. Well, if you ain't-- +By jimmy! you wait till I get at him! I'll show you that he can't +soft soap me." + +Augustus met them at the door and ushered them into the old- +fashioned parlor. The Major, calm, cool, and imperturbably polite, +was waiting to receive them. He made some observation concerning +the weather. + +"The day's fine enough," interrupted Obed, pushing to the front, +"but that ain't what we come here to talk about. Are you goin' to +pay us what you owe? That's what we want to know." + +The "gentleman of the old school" did not answer immediately. +Instead he turned to the solemn servant at his elbow. + +"Augustus," he said, "you may make ready." Then, looking serenely +at the irate Mr. Gott, whose clenched fist rested under the center +table, which he had thumped to emphasize his demands, the Major +asked: + +"I beg your pardon, my dear sir, but what is the total of my +indebtedness to you?" + +"Nineteen dollars and twenty-eight cents, and I want you to +understand that--" + +Major Hardee held up a slim, white hand. + +"One moment, if you please," he said. "Now, Augustus." + +Augustus opened the desk in the corner and produced an imposing +stack of bank notes. Then he brought forth neat piles of halves, +quarters, dimes, and pennies, and arranged the whole upon the +table. Obed's mouth and those of his companions gaped in +amazement. + +"Have you your bill with you, Mr. Gott?" inquired the Major. + +Dazedly Mr. Gott produced the required document. + +"Thank you. Augustus, nineteen twenty-eight to this gentleman. +Kindly receipt the bill, Mr. Gott, if you please. A mere +formality, of course, but it is well to be exact. Thank you, sir. +And now, Mr. Higgins." + +One by one the creditors shamefacedly stepped forward, received the +amount due, receipted the bill, and stepped back again. Mr. +Peters, the photographer, was the last to sign. + +"Gentlemen," said the Major, "I am sorry that my carelessness in +financial matters should have caused you this trouble, but now that +you are here, a representative gathering of East Harniss's men of +affairs, upon this night of all nights, it seems fitting that I +should ask for your congratulations. Augustus." + +The wooden-faced Augustus retired to the next room and reappeared +carrying a tray upon which were a decanter and glasses. + +"Gentlemen," continued the Major, "I have often testified to my +admiration and regard for your--perhaps I may now say OUR--charming +village. This admiration and regard has extended to the fair +daughters of the township. It may be that some of you have +conscientious scruples against the use of intoxicants. These +scruples I respect, but I am sure that none of you will refuse to +at least taste a glass of wine with me when I tell you that I have +this day taken one of the fairest to love and cherish during life." + +He stepped to the door of the dining room, opened it, and said +quietly, "My dear, will you honor us with your presence?" + +There was a rustle of black silk and there came through the doorway +the stately form of her who had been Mrs. Polena Ginn. + +"Gentlemen," said the Major, "permit me to present to you my wife, +the new mistress of 'Silverleaf Hall.'" + +The faces of the ex-creditors were pictures of astonishment. Mr. +Gott's expressive countenance turned white, then red, and then +settled to a mottled shade, almost as if he had the measles. +Polena rushed to his side. + +"O Obed!" she exclaimed. "I know we'd ought to have told you, but +'twas only Tuesday the Major asked me, and we thought we'd keep it +a secret so's to s'prise you. Mr. Langworthy over to Orham married +us, and--" + +"My dear," her husband blandly interrupted, "we will not intrude +our private affairs upon the patience of these good friends. And +now, gentlemen, let me propose a toast: To the health and happiness +of the mistress of 'Silverleaf Hall'! Brother Obed, I--" + +The outside door closed with a slam; "Brother Obed" had fled. + +A little later, when the rest of the former creditors of the Major +came out into the moonlight, they found their companion standing by +the gate gazing stonily into vacancy. "Hen" Leadbetter, who, with +Higgins, brought up the rear of the procession, said reflectively: + +"When he fust fetched out that stack of money I couldn't scarcely +b'lieve my eyes. I begun to think that we fellers had put our foot +in it for sartin, and had lost a mighty good customer; but, of +course, it's all plain enough NOW." + +"Yes," remarked Weeks with a nod; "I allers heard that P'lena kept +a mighty good balance in the bank." + +"It looks to me," said Higgins slyly, "as if we owed Obed here a +vote of thanks. How 'bout that, Obed?" + +And then Major Hardee's new brother-in-law awoke with a jump. + +"Aw, you go to grass!" he snarled, and tramped savagely off down +the hill. + + +CHAPTER IX + +THE WIDOW BASSETT + + +These developments, Major Hardee's marriage and Mr. Gott's +discomfiture, overshadowed, for the time, local interest in the +depot master's house moving. This was, in its way, rather +fortunate, for those who took the trouble to walk down to the lower +end of the Boulevard were astonished to see how very slowly the +moving was progressing. + +"Only one horse, Sim?" asked Captain Hiram Baker. "Only one! Why, +it'll take you forever to get through, won't it?" + +"I'm afraid it'll take quite a spell," admitted Mr. Phinney. + +"Where's your other one, the white one?" + +"The white horse," said Simeon slowly, "ain't feelin' just right +and I've had to lay him off." + +"Humph! that's too bad. How does Sol act about it? He's such a +hustler, I should think--" + +"Sol," interrupted Sim, "ain't unreasonable. He understands." + +He chuckled inwardly as he said it. Captain Sol did understand. +Also Mr. Phinney himself was beginning to understand a little. + +The very day on which Williams and his foreman had called on the +depot master and been dismissed so unceremoniously, that official +paid a short visit to his mover. + +"Sim," he said, the twinkle still in his eye, "his Majesty, +Williams the Conqueror, was in to see me just now and acted real +peevish. He was pretty disrespectful to you, too. Called your +outfit 'one horse.' That's a mistake, because you've got two +horses at work right now. It seems a shame to make a great man +like that lie. Hadn't you better lay off one of them horses?" + +"Lay one OFF?" exclaimed Simeon. "What for? Why, we'll be slow +enough, as 'tis. With only one horse we wouldn't get through for I +don't know how long." + +"That's so," murmured the Captain. "I s'pose with one horse you'd +hardly reach the middle of the Boulevard by--well, before the tenth +of the month. Hey?" + +The tenth of the month! The TENTH! Why, it was on the tenth that +that Omaha cousin of Olive Edwards was to--Mr. Phinney began to +see--to see and to grin, slow but expansive. + +"Hm-m-m!" he mused. + +"Yes," observed Captain Sol. "That white horse of yours looks sort +of ailin' to me, Sim. I think he needs a rest." + +And, sure enough, next day the white horse was pronounced unfit and +taken back to the stable. The depot master's dwelling moved, but +that is all one could say truthfully concerning its progress. + +At the depot the Captain was quieter than usual. He joked with his +assistant less than had been his custom, and for the omission Issy +was duly grateful. Sometimes Captain Sol would sit for minutes +without speaking. He seemed to be thinking and to be pondering +some grave problem. When his friends, Mr. Wingate, Captain Stitt, +Hiram Baker, and the rest, dropped in on him he cheered up and was +as conversational as ever. After they had gone he relapsed into +his former quiet mood. + +"He acts sort of blue, to me," declared Issy, speaking from the +depths of sensational-novel knowledge. "If he was a younger man +I'd say he was most likely in love. Ah, hum! I s'pose bein' in +love does get a feller mournful, don't it?" + +Issy made this declaration to his mother only. He knew better than +to mention sentiment to male acquaintances. The latter were +altogether too likely to ask embarrassing questions. + +Mr. Wingate and Captain Stitt were still in town, although their +stay was drawing to a close. One afternoon they entered the +station together. Captain Sol seemed glad to see them. + +"Set down, fellers," he ordered. "I swan I'm glad to see you. I +ain't fit company for myself these days." + +"Ain't Betsy Higgins feedin' you up to the mark?" asked Stitt. "Or +is house movin' gettin' on your vitals?" + +"No," growled the depot master, "grub's all right and so's movin', +I cal'late. I'm glad you fellers come in. What's the news to +Orham, Barzilla? How's the Old Home House boarders standin' it? +Hear from Jonadab regular, do you?" + +Mr. Wingate laughed. "Nothin' much," he said. "Jonadab's too busy +to write these days. Bein' a sport interferes with letter writing +consider'ble." + +"Sport!" exclaimed Captain Bailey. "Land of Goshen! Cap'n Jonadab +is the last one I'd call a sport." + +"That's 'cause you ain't a good judge of human nature, Bailey," +chuckled Barzilla. "When ancient plants like Jonadab Wixon DO +bloom, they're gay old blossoms, I tell you!" + +"What do you mean?" asked the depot master. + +"I mean that Jonadab's been givin' me heart disease, that's what; +givin' it to me in a good many diff'rent ways, too. We opened the +Old Home House the middle of April this year, because Peter T. +Brown thought we might catch some spring trade. We did catch a +little, though whether it paid to open up so early's a question. +But 'twas June 'fore Jonadab got his disease so awful bad. +However, most any time in the last part of May the reg'lar +programme of the male boarders was stirrin' him up. + +"Take it of a dull day, for instance. Sky overcast and the wind +aidgin' round to the sou'east, so's you couldn't tell whether +'twould rain or fair off; too cold to go off to the ledge cod +fishin' and too hot for billiards or bowlin'; a bunch of the +younger women folks at one end of the piazza playin' bridge; half a +dozen men, includin' me and Cap'n Jonadab, smokin' and tryin' to +keep awake at t'other end; amidships a gang of females--all 'fresh +air fiends'--and mainly widows or discards in the matrimony deal, +doin' fancywork and gossip. That would be about the usual layout. + +"Conversation got to you in homeopath doses, somethin' like this: + +"'Did you say "Spades"? WELL! if I'd known you were going to make +us lose our deal like that, I'd never have bridged it--not with +THIS hand.' + +"'Oh, Miss Gabble, have you heard what people are sayin' about--' +The rest of it whispers. + +"'A--oo--OW! By George, Bill! this is dead enough, isn't it? +Shall we match for the cigars or are you too lazy?' + +"Then, from away off in the stillness would come a drawn-out 'Honk! +honk!' like a wild goose with the asthma, and pretty soon up the +road would come sailin' a big red automobile, loaded to the guards +with goggles and grandeur, and whiz past the hotel in a hurricane +of dust and smell. Then all hands would set up and look +interested, and Bill would wink acrost at his chum and drawl: + +"'That's the way to get over the country! Why, a horse isn't one-- +two--three with that! Cap'n Wixon, I'm surprised that a sportin' +man like you hasn't bought one of those things long afore this.' + +"For the next twenty minutes there wouldn't be any dullness. +Jonadab would take care of that. He'd have the floor and be givin' +his opinions of autos and them that owned and run 'em. And between +the drops of his language shower you'd see them boarders nudgin' +each other and rockin' back and forth contented and joyful. + +"It always worked. No matter what time of day or night, all you +had to say was 'auto' and Cap'n Jonadab would sail up out of his +chair like one of them hot-air balloons the youngsters nowadays +have on Fourth of July. And he wouldn't come down till he was +empty of remarks, nuther. You never see a man get so red faced and +eloquent. + +"It wa'n't because he couldn't afford one himself. I know that's +the usual reason for them kind of ascensions, but 'twa'n't his. +No, sir! the summer hotel business has put a considerable number of +dollars in Jonadab's hands, and the said hands are like a patent +rat trap, a mighty sight easier to get into than out of. He could +have bought three automobiles if he'd wanted to, but he didn't want +to. And the reason he didn't was named Tobias Loveland and lived +over to Orham." + +"I know Tobias," interrupted Captain Bailey Stitt. + +"Course you do," continued Barzilla. "So does Sol, I guess. Well, +anyhow, Tobias and Cap'n Jonadab never did hitch. When they was +boys together at school they was always rowin' and fightin', and +when they grew up to be thirty and courted the same girl--ten years +younger than either of 'em, she was--twa'n't much better. Neither +of 'em got her, as a matter of fact; she married a tin peddler +named Bassett over to Hyannis. But both cal'lated they would have +won if t'other hadn't been in the race, and consequently they loved +each other with a love that passed understandin'. Tobias had got +well to do in the cranberry-raisin' line and drove a fast horse. +Jonadab, durin' the last prosperous year or two, had bought what he +thought was some horse, likewise. They met on the road one day +last spring and trotted alongside one another for a mile. At the +end of that mile Jonadab's craft's jib boom was just astern of +Tobias's rudder. Inside of that week the Cap'n had swapped his +horse for one with a two-thirty record, and the next time they met +Tobias was left with a beautiful, but dusty, view of Jonadab's back +hair. So HE bought a new horse. And that was the beginnin'. + +"It went along that way for twelve months. Fust one feller's nag +would come home freighted with perspiration and glory, and then +t'other's. One week Jonadab would be so bloated with horse pride +that he couldn't find room for his vittles, and the next he'd be +out in the stable growlin' 'cause it cost so much for hay to stuff +an old hide rack that wa'n't fit to put in a museum. At last it +got so that neither one could find a better horse on the Cape, and +the two they had was practically an even match. I begun to have +hopes that the foolishness was over. And then the tin peddler's +widow drifts in to upset the whole calabash. + +"She made port at Orham fust, this Henrietta Bassett did, and the +style she slung killed every female Goliath in the Orham sewin' +circle dead. Seems her husband that was had been an inventor, as a +sort of side line to peddlin' tinware, and all to once he invented +somethin' that worked. He made money--nobody knew how much, though +all hands had a guess--and pretty soon afterwards he made a will +and Henrietta a widow. She'd been livin' in New York, so she said, +and had come back to revisit the scenes of her childhood. She was +a mighty well-preserved woman--artificial preservatives, I +cal'late, like some kinds of tomatter ketchup--and her comin' +stirred Orham way down to the burnt places on the bottom of the +kettle." + +"I guess I remember HER, too," put in Captain Bailey. + +"Say!" queried Mr. Wingate snappishly, "do you want to tell about +her? If you do, why--" + +"Belay, both of you!" ordered the depot master. "Heave ahead, +Barzilla." + +"The news of her got over to Wellmouth, and me and Jonadab heard of +it. He was some subject to widows--most widower men are, I guess-- +but he didn't develop no alarmin' symptoms in this case and never +even hinted that he'd like to see his old girl. Fact is, his +newest horse trade had showed that it was afraid of automobiles, +and he was beginnin' to get rabid along that line. Then come that +afternoon when him and me was out drivin' together, and we-- Well, +I'll have to tell you about that. + +"We was over on the long stretch of wood road between Trumet and +Denboro, nice hard macadam, the mare--her name was Celia, but +Jonadab had re-christened her Bay Queen after a boat he used to +own--skimmin' along at a smooth, easy gait, when, lo and behold +you! we rounds a turn and there ahead of us is a light, rubber- +tired wagon with a man and woman on the seat of it. I heard +Jonadab give a kind of snort. + +"'What's the matter?' says I. + +"'Nothin',' says he, between his teeth. 'Only, if I ain't some +mistaken, that's Tobe Loveland's rig. Wonder if he's got his spunk +with him? The Queen's feelin' her oats to-day, and I cal'late I +can show him a few things.' + +"'Rubbish!' says I, disgusted. 'Don't be foolish, Jonadab. I +don't know nothin' about his spunk, but I do know there's a woman +with him. 'Tain't likely he'll want to race you when he's got a +passenger aboard.' + +"'Oh, I don't know!' says he. 'I've got you, Barzilla; so 'twill +be two and two. Let's heave alongside and see.' + +"So he clucked to the Queen, and in a jiffy we was astern of +t'other rig. Loveland looked back over his shoulder. + +"'Ugh!' he grunts, 'bout as cordial as a plate of ice cream. ''Lo, +Wixon, that you?' + +"'Um-hm,' begins Jonadab. 'How's that crowbait of yours to-day, +Tobe? Got any go in him? 'Cause if he has, I--' + +"He stopped short. The woman in Loveland's carriage had turned her +head and was starin' hard. + +"'Why!' she gasps. 'I do believe-- Why, Jonadab!' + +"'HETTIE!' says the Cap'n. + +"Well, after that 'twas pull up, of course, and shake hands and +talk. The widow, she done most of the talkin'. She was SO glad to +see him. How had he been all these years? She knew him instantly. +He hadn't changed a mite--that is, not so VERY much. She was +plannin' to come over to the Old Home House and stay a spell later +on; but now she was havin' SUCH a good time in Orham, Tobias--Mr. +Loveland--was makin' it SO pleasant for her. She did enjoy drivin' +so much, and Mr. Loveland had the fastest horse in the county--did +we know that? + +"Tobias and Jonadab glowered back and forth while all this gush was +bein' turned loose, and hardly spoke to one another. But when +'twas over and we was ready to start again, the Cap'n says, says +he: + +"'I'll be mighty glad to see you over to the hotel, when you're +ready to come, Hettie. I can take you ridin', too. Fur's horse +goes, I've got a pretty good one myself.' + +"'Oh!' squeals the widow. 'Really? Is that him? It's awful +pretty, and he looks fast.' + +"'She is,' says Jonadab. 'There's nothin' round here can beat +her.' + +"'Humph!' says Loveland. 'Git dap!' + +"'Git dap!' says Jonadab, agreein' with him for once. + +"Tobias started, and we started. Tobias makes his horse go a +little faster, and Jonadab speeded up some likewise. I see how +'twas goin' to be, and therefore I wa'n't surprised to death when +the next ten minutes found us sizzlin' down that road, neck and +neck with Loveland, dust flyin', hoofs poundin', and the two +drivers leanin' way for'ard over the dash, reins gripped and teeth +sot. For a little ways 'twas an even thing, and then we commenced +to pull ahead a little. + +"'Loveland,' yells Jonadab, out of the port corner of his mouth, +'if I ain't showin' you my tailboard by the time we pass the fust +house in Denboro, I'll eat my Sunday hat.' + +"I cal'late he would 'a' beat, too. We was drawin' ahead all the +time and had a three-quarter length lead when we swung clear of the +woods and sighted Denboro village, quarter of a mile away. And up +the road comes flyin' a big auto, goin' to beat the cars. + +"Let's forget the next few minutes; they wa'n't pleasant ones for +me. Soon's the Bay Queen sot eyes on that auto, she stopped +trottin' and commenced to hop; from hoppin' she changed to waltzin' +and high jumpin'. When the smoke had cleared, the auto was out of +sight and we was in the bushes alongside the road, with the Queen +just gettin' ready to climb a tree. As for Tobias and Henrietta, +they was roundin' the turn by the fust house in Denboro, wavin' by- +bys to us over the back of the seat. + +"We went home then; and every foot of the way Cap'n Jonadab called +an automobile a new kind of name, and none complimentary. The +boarders, they got wind of what had happened and begun to rag him, +and the more they ragged, the madder he got and the more down on +autos. + +"And, to put a head on the whole business, I'm blessed if Tobias +Loveland didn't get in with an automobile agent who was stoppin' in +Orham and buy a fifteen-hundred-dollar machine off him. And the +very next time Jonadab was out with the Queen on the Denboro road, +Tobias and the widow whizzed past him in that car so fast he might +as well have been hove to. And, by way of rubbin' it in, they come +along back pretty soon and rolled alongside of him easy, while +Henrietta gushed about Mr. Loveland's beautiful car and how nice it +was to be able to go just as swift as you wanted to. Jonadab +couldn't answer back, nuther, bein' too busy keepin' the Queen from +turnin' herself into a flyin' machine. + +"'Twas then that he got himself swore in special constable to +arrest auto drivers for overspeedin'; and for days he wandered +round layin' for a chance to haul up Tobias and get him fined. +He'd have had plenty of game if he'd been satisfied with strangers, +but he didn't want them anyhow, and, besides, most of 'em was on +their way to spend money at the Old Home House. 'Twould have been +poor business to let any of THAT cash go for fines, and he realized +it. + +"'Twas in early June, only a few weeks ago, that the widow come to +our hotel. I never thought she meant it when she said she was +comin', and so I didn't expect her. Fact is, I was expectin' to +hear that she and Tobe Loveland was married or engaged. But there +was a slip up somewheres, for all to once the depot wagon brings +her to the Old Home House, she hires a room, and settles down to +stay till the season closed, which would be in about a fortn't. + +"From the very fust she played her cards for Jonadab. He meant to +be middlin' average frosty to her, I imagine--her bein' so thick +with Tobias prejudiced him, I presume likely. But land sakes! she +thawed him out like hot toddy thaws out some folks' tongues. She +never took no notice of his coldness, but smiled and gushed and +flattered, and looked her prettiest--which was more'n average, +considerin' her age--and by the end of the third day he was hangin' +round her like a cat round a cook. + +"It commenced to look serious to me. Jonadab was a pretty old fish +to be caught with soft soap and a set of false crimps; but you +can't never tell. When them old kind do bite, they gen'rally +swallow hook and sinker, and he sartinly did act hungry. I wished +more'n once that Peter T. Brown, our business manager, was aboard +to help me with advice, but Peter is off tourin' the Yosemite with +his wife and her relations, so whatever pilotin' there was I had to +do. And every day fetched Jonadab's bows nigher the matrimonial +rocks. + +"I'd about made up my mind to sound the fog horn by askin' him +straight out what he was cal'latin' to do; but somethin' I heard +one evenin', as I set alone in the hotel office, made me think I'd +better wait a spell. + +"The office window was open and the curtain drawed down tight. I +was settin' inside, smokin' and goin' over the situation, when +footsteps sounded on the piazza and a couple come to anchor on the +settee right by that window. Cap'n Jonadab and Henrietta! I +sensed that immediate. + +"She was laughin' and actin' kind of queer, and he was talkin' +mighty earnest. + +"'Oh, no, Cap'n! Oh, no!' she giggles. 'You mustn't be so serious +on such a beautiful night as this. Let's talk about the moon.' + +"'Drat the moon!' says Jonadab. 'Hettie, I--' + +"'Oh, just see how beautiful the water looks! All shiny and--" + +"'Drat the water, too! Hettie, what's the reason you don't want to +talk serious with me? If that Tobe Loveland--' + +"'Really, I don't see why you bring Mr. Loveland's name into the +conversation. He is a perfect gentleman, generous and kind; and as +for the way in which he runs that lovely car of his--' + +"The Cap'n interrupted her. He ripped out somethin' emphatic. + +"'Generous!' he snarls. ''Bout as generous as a hog in the feed +trough, he is. And as for runnin' that pesky auto, if I'd demean +myself to own one of them things, I'll bet my other suit I could +run it better'n he does. If I couldn't, I'd tie myself to the +anchor and jump overboard.' + +"The way she answered showed pretty plain that she didn't believe +him. 'Really?' she says. 'Do you think so? Good night, Jonadab.' + +"I could hear her walkin' off acrost the piazza. He went after +her. 'Hettie,' he says, 'you answer me one thing. Are you engaged +to Tobe Loveland?' + +"She laughed again, sort of teasin' and slow. 'Really,' says she, +'you are-- Why, no, I'm not.' + +"That was all, but it set me to thinkin' hard. She wa'n't engaged +to Loveland; she said so, herself. And yet, if she wanted Jonadab, +she was actin' mighty funny. I ain't had no experience, but it +seemed to me that then was the time to bag him and she'd put him +off on purpose. She was ages too ancient to be a flirt for the fun +of it. What was her game?" + + +CHAPTER X + +CAPTAIN JONADAB GOES + + +Mr. Wingate stopped and roared a greeting to Captain Hiram Baker, +who was passing the open door of the waiting room. + +"Hello, there, Hime!" he shouted. "Come up in here! What, are you +too proud to speak to common folks?" + +Captain Hiram entered. "Hello!" he said. "You look like a busy +gang, for sure. What you doin'--seatin' chairs?" + +"Just now we're automobilin'," observed Captain Sol. "Set down, +Hiram." + +"Automobilin'?" repeated the new arrival, evidently puzzled. + +"Sartin. Barzilla's takin' us out. Go on, Barzilla." + +Mr. Wingate smiled broadly. "Well," he began, "we HAVE just about +reached the part where I went autoin'. The widow and me and +Jonadab." + +"Jonadab!" shouted Stitt. "I thought you said--" + +"I know what I said. But we went auto ridin' just the same. + +"'Twas Henry G. Bradbury that took us out, him and his bran-new big +tourin' car. You see, he landed to board with us the next day +after Henrietta come--this Henry G. did--and he was so quiet and +easy spoken and run his car so slow that even a pizen auto hater +like Jonadab couldn't take much offense at him. He wa'n't very +well, he said, subject to some kind of heart attacks, and had come +to the Old Home for rest. + +"Him and the Cap'n had great arguments about the sins of +automobilin'. Jonadab was sot on the idee that nine folks out of +ten hadn't machine sense enough to run a car. Bradbury, he +declared that that was a fact with the majority of autos, but not +with his. 'Why, a child could run it,' says he. 'Look here, +Cap'n: To start it you just do this. To stop it you do so and so. +To make her go slow you haul back on this lever. To make her go +faster you shove down this one. And as for steerin'--well, a man +that's handled the wheels of as many catboats as you have would +simply have a picnic. I'm in entire sympathy with your feelin's +against speeders and such--I'd be a constable if I was in your +shoes--but this is a gentleman's car and runs like one.' + +"All Jonadab said was 'Bosh!' and 'Humph!' but he couldn't help +actin' interested, particular as Mrs. Bassett kept him alongside of +the machine and was so turrible interested herself. And when, this +partic'lar afternoon, Henry G. invites us all to go out with him +for a little 'roll around,' the widow was so tickled and insisted +so that he just HAD to go; he didn't dast say no. + +"Somehow or 'nother--I ain't just sure yet how it happened--the +seatin' arrangements was made like this: Jonadab and Bradbury on +the front seat, and me and Henrietta in the stuffed cockpit astern. +We rolled out and purred along the road, smooth as a cat trottin' +to dinner. No speedin', no joltin', no nothin'. 'TWAS a +'gentleman's car'; there wa'n't no doubt about that. + +"We went 'way over to Bayport and Orham and beyond. And all the +time Bradbury kept p'intin' out the diff'rent levers to Jonadab and +tellin' him how to work 'em. Finally, after we'd headed back, he +asked Jonadab to take the wheel and steer her a spell. Said his +heart was feelin' sort of mean and 'twould do him good to rest. + +"Jonadab said no, emphatic and more'n average ugly, but Henry G. +kept beggin' and pleadin', and pretty soon the widow put in her +oar. He must do it, to please her. He had SAID he could do it-- +had told her so--and now he must make good. Why, when Mr. +Loveland-- + +"'All right,' snarls Jonadab. 'I'll try. But if ever--' + +"'Hold on!' says I. 'Here's where I get out.' + +"However, they wouldn't let me, and the Cap'n took the wheel. His +jaw was set and his hands shakin', but he done it. Hettie had give +her orders and she was skipper. + +"For a consider'ble spell we just crawled. Jonadab was steerin' +less crooked every minute and it tickled him; you could see that. + +"'Answers her hellum tiptop, don't she?' he says. + +"'Bet your life!' says Bradbury. 'Better put on a little more +speed, hadn't we?' + +He put it on himself, afore the new pilot could stop him, and we +commenced to move. + +"'When you want to make her jump,' he says, you press down on that +with your foot, and you shove the spark back.' + +"'Shut up!' howls Jonadab. 'Belay! Don't you dast to touch that. +I'm scart to death as 'tis. Here! you take this wheel.' + +"But he wouldn't, and we went on at a good clip. For a green hand +the Cap'n was leavin' a pretty straight wake. + +"'Gosh!' he says, after a spell; 'I b'lieve I'm kind of gettin' the +hang of the craft.' + +"'Course you are,' says Bradbury. 'I told-- Oh!' + +"He straightens up, grabs at his vest, and slumps down against the +back of the seat. + +"'What IS it?' screams the widow. 'Oh, what IS it, Mr. Bradbury?' + +"He answers, plucky, but toler'ble faintlike. My heart!' he gasps. +'I--I'm afraid I'm goin' to have one of my attacks. I must get to +a doctor quick.' + +"'Doctor!' I sings out. 'Great land of love! there ain't a doctor +nigher than Denboro, and that's four mile astern.' + +"'Never mind,' cries the Bassett woman. 'We must go there, then. +Turn around, Jonadab! Turn around at once! Mr. Bradbury--' + +"But poor Henry G. was curled up against the cushions and we +couldn't get nothin' out of him but groans. And all the time we +was sailin' along up the road. + +"'Turn around, Jonadab!' orders Henrietta. 'Turn around and go for +the doctor!' + +"Jonadab's hands was clutched on that wheel, and his face was white +as his rubber collar. + +"'Jerushy!' he groans desperate, 'I--I don't know HOW to turn +around.' + +"'Then stop, you foolhead!' I bellers. 'Stop where you be!' + +"And he moans--almost cryin' he was: 'I--I've forgotten how to +STOP.' + +"Talk about your situations! If we wa'n't in one then I miss my +guess. Every minute we was sinkin' Denboro below the horizon. + +"'We MUST get to a doctor,' says the widow. 'Where is there +another one, Mr. Wingate?' + +"'The next one's in Bayport,' says I, 'and that's ten mile ahead if +it's a foot.' + +"However, there wa'n't nothin' else for it, so toward Bayport we +put. Bradbury groaned once in a while, and Mrs. Bassett got +nervous. + +"'We'll never get there at this rate,' says she. 'Go faster, +Jonadab. Faster! Press down on--on that thing he told you to. +Please! for MY sake.' + +"'Don't you--' I begun; but 'twas too late. He pressed, and away +we went. We was eatin' up the road now, I tell you, and though I +was expectin' every minute to be my next, I couldn't help admirin' +the way the Cap'n steered. And, as for him, he was gettin' more +and more set up and confident. + +"'She handles like a yacht, Barzilla,' he grunts, between his +teeth. 'See me put her around the next buoy ahead there. Hey! +how's that?' + +"The next 'buoy' was a curve in the road, and we went around it +beautiful. So with the next and the next and the next. Bayport +wa'n't so very fur ahead. All to once another dreadful thought +struck me. + +"'Look here!' I yells. 'How in time are we goin' to stop when we-- +OW!' + +"The Bassett woman had pinched my arm somethin' savage. I looked +at her, and she was scowlin' and shakin' her head. + +"'S-sh-sh!' she whispers. 'Don't disturb him. He'll be frightened +and--' + +"'Frightened! Good heavens to Betsy! I cal'late he won't be the +only one that's fri--' + +"But she looked so ugly that I shut up prompt, though I done a heap +of thinkin'. On we went and, as we turned the next 'buoy,' there, +ahead of us, was another auto, somethin' like ours, with only one +person in it, a man, and goin' in the same direction we was, though +not quite so fast. + +"Then I WAS scart. 'Hi, Jonadab!' I sings out. 'Heave to! Come +about! Shorten sail! Do you want to run him down? Look OUT!' + +"I might as well have saved my breath. Heavin' to and the rest of +it wa'n't included in our pilot's education. On we went, same as +ever. I don't know what might have happened if the widow hadn't +kept her head. She leaned over the for'ard rail of the after +cockpit and squeezed a rubber bag that was close to Jonadab's +starboard arm. It was j'ined to the fog whistle, I cal'late, +'cause from under our bows sounded a beller like a bull afoul of a +barb-wire fence. + +"The feller in t'other car turned his head and looked. Then he +commenced to sheer off to wind'ard so's to let us pass. But all +the time he kept lookin' back and starin' and, as we got nigher, +and I could see him plainer through the dust, he looked more and +more familiar. 'Twas somebody I knew. + +"Then I heard a little grunt, or gasp, from Cap'n Jonadab. He was +leanin' for'ard over the wheel, starin' at the man in the other +auto. The nigher we got, the harder he stared; and the man in +front was actin' similar in regards to him. And, all to once, the +head car stopped swingin' off to wind'ard, turned back toward the +middle of the road, and begun to go like smoke. The next instant I +felt our machine fairly jump beneath me. I looked at Jonadab's +foot. 'Twas pressed hard down on the speed lever. + +"'You crazy loon!' I screeched. 'You--you--you-- Stop it! Take +your foot off that! Do you want to--!' + +"I was climbin' over the back of the front seat, my knee pretty +nigh on Bradbury's head. But, would you believe it, that Jonadab +man let go of the wheel with one hand--let GO of it, mind you--and +give me a shove that sent me backward in Henrietta Bassett's lap. + +"'Barzilla!' he growled, between his teeth, 'you set where you be +and keep off the quarterdeck. I'm runnin' this craft. I'll beat +that Loveland this time or run him under, one or t'other!' + +"As sure as I'm alive this minute, the man in the front car was +Tobias Loveland! + +"And from then on-- Don't talk! I dream about it nights and wake +up with my arms around the bedpost. I ain't real sure, but I kind +of have an idee that the bedpost business comes from the fact that +I was huggin' the widow some of the time. If I did, 'twa'n't +knowin'ly, and she never mentioned it afterwards. All I can swear +to is clouds of dust, and horns honkin', and telegraph poles +lookin' like teeth in a comb, and Jonadab's face set as the Day of +Judgment. + +"He kept his foot down on the speed place as if 'twas glued. He +shoved the 'spark'--whatever that is--'way back. Every once in a +while he yelled, yelled at the top of his lungs. What he yelled +hadn't no sense to it. Sometimes you'd think that he was drivin' a +horse and next that he was handlin' a schooner in a gale. + +"'Git dap!' he'd whoop. 'Go it, you cripples! Keep her nose right +in the teeth of it! She's got the best of the water, so let her +bile! Whe-E-E!' + +"We didn't stop at Bayport. Our skipper had made other +arrangements. However, the way I figgered it, we was long past +needin' a doctor, and you can get an undertaker 'most anywhere. We +went through the village like a couple of shootin' stars, Tobias +about a length ahead, his hat blowed off, his hair--what little +he's got--streamin' out behind, and that blessed red buzz wagon of +his fairly skimmin' the hummocks and jumpin' the smooth places. +And right astern of him comes Jonadab, hangin' to the wheel, HIS +hat gone, his mouth open, and fillin' the dust with yells and +coughs. + +"You could see folks runnin' to doors and front gates; but you +never saw 'em reach where they was goin'--time they done that we +was somewheres round the next bend. A pullet run over us once-- +yes, I mean just that. She clawed the top of the widow's bunnit as +we slid underneath her, and by the time she lit we was so fur away +she wa'n't visible to the naked eye. Bradbury--who'd got better +remarkable sudden--was pawin' at Jonadab's arm, tryin' to make him +ease up; but he might as well have pawed the wind. As for +Henrietta Bassett, she was acrost the back of the front seat +tootin' the horn for all she was wuth. And curled down in a heap +on the cockpit floor was a fleshy, sea-farin' person by the name of +Barzilla Wingate, sufferin' from chills and fever. + +"I think 'twas on the long stretch of the Trumet road that we beat +Tobias. I know we passed somethin' then, though just what I ain't +competent to testify. All I'm sure of is that, t'other side of +Bayport village, the landscape got some less streaked and you could +most gen'rally separate one house from the next. + +"Bradbury looked at Henrietta and smiled, a sort of sickly smile. +She was pretty pale, but she managed to smile back. I got up off +the floor and slumped on the cushions. As for Cap'n Jonadab Wixon, +he'd stopped yellin', but his face was one broad, serene grin. His +mouth, through the dust and the dirt caked around it, looked like a +rain gully in a sand-bank. And, occasional, he crowed, hoarse but +vainglorious. + +"'Did you see me?' he barked. 'Did you notice me lick him? He'll +laugh at me, will he?--him and his one-horse tin cart! Ho! HO! +Why, you'd think he was settin' down to rest! I've got him where I +want him now! Ho, ho! Say, Henrietta, did you go swift as you--? +Land sakes! Mr. Bradbury, I forgot all about you. And I--I guess +we must have got a good ways past the doctor's place.' + +"Bradbury said never mind. He felt much better, and he cal'lated +he'd do till we fetched the Old Home dock. He'd take the wheel, +now, he guessed. + +"But, would you b'lieve it, that fool Jonadab wouldn't let him! He +was used to the ship now, he said, and, if 'twas all the same to +Henry G. and Hettie, he'd kind of like to run her into port. + +"'She answers her hellum fine,' he says. 'After a little practice +I cal'late I could steer--' + +"'Steer!' sings out Bradbury. 'STEER! Great Caesar's ghost! I +give you my word, Cap'n Wixon, I never saw such handlin' of a +machine as you did goin' through Bayport, in my life. You're a +wonder!' + +"'Um-hm,' says Jonadab contented. 'I've steered a good many +vessels in my time, through traffic and amongst the shoals, and +never run afoul of nothin' yet. I don't see much diff'rence on +shore--'cept that it's a little easier.' + +"EASIER! Wouldn't that-- Well, what's the use of talkin'? + +"We got to the Old Home House safe and sound; Jonadab, actin' under +Bradbury's orders, run her into the yard, slowin' up and stoppin' +at the front steps slick as grease. He got out, his chest swelled +up like a puffin' pig, and went struttin' in to tell everybody what +he'd done to Loveland. I don't know where Bradbury and the widow +went. As for me, I went aloft and turned in. And 'twas two days +and nights afore I got up again. I had a cold, anyway, and what +I'd been through didn't help it none. + +"The afternoon of the second day, Bradbury come up to see me. He +was dressed in his city clothes and looked as if he was goin' away. +Sure enough, he was; goin' on the next train. + +"'Where's Jonadab?' says I. + +"'Oh, he's out in his car,' he says. 'Huntin' for Loveland again, +maybe.' + +"'HIS car? You mean yours.' + +"'No, I mean his. I sold my car to him yesterday mornin' for +twenty-five hundred dollars cash.' + +"I set up in bed. 'Go 'long!' I sings out. 'You didn't nuther!' + +"'Yes, I did. Sure thing. After that ride, you couldn't have +separated him from that machine with blastin' powder. He paid over +the money like a little man.' + +"I laid down again. Jonadab Wixon payin' twenty-five hundred +dollars for a plaything! Not promisin', but actually PAYIN' it! + +"'Has--has the widow gone with him?' I asked, soon's I could get my +breath. + +"He laughed sort of queer. 'No,' he says, 'she's gone out of town +for a few days. Ha, ha! Well, between you and me, Wingate, I +doubt if she comes back again. She and I have made all we're +likely to in this neighborhood, and she's too good a business woman +to waste her time. Good-by; glad to have met you.' + +"But I smelt rat strong and wouldn't let him go without seein' the +critter. + +"'Hold on!' I says. 'There's somethin' underneath all this. Out +with it. I won't let on to the Cap'n if you don't want me to.' + +"'Well,' says he, laughin' again, 'Mrs. Bassett WON'T come back and +I know it. She and I have sold four cars on the Cape in the last +five weeks, and the profits'll more'n pay vacation expenses. Two +up in Wareham, one over in Orham, to Loveland--' + +"'Did YOU sell Tobias his?' I asks, settin' up again. + +"'Hettie and I did--yes. Soon's we landed him, we come over to bag +old Wixon. I thought one time he'd kill us before we got him, but +he didn't. How he did run that thing! He's a game sport.' + +"'See here!' says I. 'YOU and Hettie sold-- What do you mean by +that?' + +"'Mrs. Bassett is my backer in the auto business,' says he. 'She +put in her money and I furnished the experience. We've got a big +plant up in--' namin' a city in Connecticut. + +"I fetched a long breath. 'WELL!' says I. 'And all this makin' +eyes at Tobe and Jonadab was just--just--' + +"'Just bait, that's all,' says he. 'I told you she was a good +business woman.' + +"I let this sink in good. Then says I, 'Humph! I swan to man! And +how's your heart actin' now?' + +"'Fine!' he says, winkin'. 'I had that attack so's the Cap'n would +learn to run on his own hook. I didn't expect quite so much of a +run, but I'm satisfied. Don't you worry about my heart disease. +That twenty-five hundred cured it. 'Twas all in the way of +business,' says Henry G. Bradbury." + +"Whew!" whistled Captain Hiram as Barzilla reached into his pocket +for pipe and tobacco. "Whew! I should say your partner had a +narrer escape. Want to look out sharp for widders. They're +dangerous, hey, Sol?" + +The depot master did not answer. Captain Hiram asked another +question. "How'd Jonadab take Hettie's leavin'?" he inquired. + +"Oh," said Barzilla, "I don't think he minded so much. He was too +crazy about his new auto to care for anything else. Then, too, he +was b'ilin' mad 'cause Loveland swore out a warrant against him for +speedin'. + +"'Nice trick, ain't it?' he says. 'I knew Tobe was a poor loser, +but I didn't think he'd be so low down as all that. Says I was +goin' fifty mile an hour. He! he! Well, I WAS movin', that's a +fact. I don't care. 'Twas wuth the twenty-dollar fine.' + +"'Maybe so,' I says, 'but 'twon't look very pretty to have a +special auto constable hauled up and fined for breakin' the law +he's s'posed to protect.' + +"He hadn't thought of that. His face clouded over. + +"'No use, Barzilla,' says he; 'I'll have to give it up.' + +"'Guess you will,' says I. 'Automobilin' is--' + +"'I don't mean automobilin',' he snorts disgusted. 'Course not! I +mean bein' constable.' + +"So there you are! From cussin' automobiles he's got so that he +can't talk enough good about 'em. And every day sence then he's +out on the road layin' for another chance at Tobias. I hope he +gets that chance pretty soon, because--well, there's a rumor goin' +round that Loveland is plannin' to swap his car for a bigger and +faster one. If he does . . ." + +"If he does," interrupted Captain Sol, "I hope you'll fix the next +race for over here. I'd like to see you go by, Barzilla." + +"Guess you'd have to look quick to see him," laughed Stitt. +"Speakin' about automobiles--" + +"By gum!" ejaculated Wingate, "you'd have to look somewheres else +to find ME. I've got all the auto racin' I want!" + +"Speakin' of automobiles," began Captain Bailey again. No one paid +the slightest attention. + +"How's Dusenberry, your baby, Hiram?" asked the depot master, +turning to Captain Baker. "His birthday's the Fourth, and that's +only a couple of days off." + +The proud parent grinned, then looked troubled. + +"Why, he ain't real fust-rate," he said. "Seems to be some under +the weather. Got a cold and kind of sore throat. Dr. Parker says +he cal'lates it's a touch of tonsilitis. There's consider'ble +fever, too. I was hopin' the doctor'd come again to-day, but he's +gone away on a fishin' cruise. Won't be home till late to-morrer. +I s'pose me and Sophrony hadn't ought to worry. Dr. Parker seems +to know about the case." + +"Humph!" grunted the depot master, "there's only two bein's in +creation that know it all. One's the Almighty and t'other's young +Parker. He's right out of medical school and is just as fresh as +his diploma. He hadn't any business to go fishin' and leave his +patients. We lost a good man when old Dr. Ryder died. He . . . +Oh, well! you mustn't worry, Hiram. Dusenberry'll pull out in time +for his birthday. Goin' to celebrate, was you?" + +Captain Baker nodded. "Um-hm," he said. "Sophrony's goin' to bake +a frosted cake and stick three candles on it--he's three year old, +you know--and I've made him a 'twuly boat with sails,' that's what +he's been beggin' for. Ho! ho! he's the cutest little shaver!" + +"Speakin' of automobiles," began Bailey Stitt for the third time. + +"That youngster of yours, Hiram," went on the depot master, "is the +right kind. Compared with some of the summer young ones that +strike this depot, he's a saint." + +Captain Hiram grinned. "That's what I tell Sophrony," he said. +"Sometimes when Dusenberry gets to cuttin' up and she is sort of +provoked, I say to her, 'Old lady,' I say, 'if you think THAT'S a +naughty boy, you ought to have seen Archibald.'" + +"Who was Archibald?" asked Barzilla. + +"He was a young rip that Sim Phinney and I run across four years +ago when we went on our New York cruise together. The weir +business had been pretty good and Sim had been teasin' me to go on +a vacation with him, so I went. Sim ain't stopped talkin' about +our experiences yet. Ho! ho!" + +"You bet he ain't!" laughed the depot master. "One mix-up you had +with a priest, and a love story, and land knows what. He talks +about that to this day." + +"What was it? He never told me," said Wingate. + +"Why, it begun at the Golconda House, the hotel where Sim and I was +stayin'. We--" + +"Did YOU put up at the Golconda?" interrupted Barzilla. "Why, +Cap'n Jonadab and me stayed there when we went to New York." + +"I know you did. Jonadab recommended it to Sim, and Sim took the +recommendation. That Golconda House is the only grudge I've got +against Jonadab Wixon. It sartin is a tough old tavern." + +"I give in to that. Jonadab's so sot on it account of havin' +stopped there on his honeymoon, years and years ago. He's too +stubborn to own it's bad. It's a matter of principle with him, and +he's sot on principle." + +"Yes," continued Baker. "Well, Sim and me had been at that +Golconda three days and nights. Mornin' of the fourth day we +walked out of the dinin' room after breakfast, feelin' pretty +average chipper. Gettin' safe past another meal at that hotel was +enough of itself to make a chap grateful. + +"We walked out of the dinin' room and into the office. And there, +by the clerk's desk, was a big, tall man, dressed up in clothes +that was loud enough to speak for themselves, and with a shiny new +tall hat, set with a list to port, on his head. He was smooth- +faced and pug-nosed, with an upper lip like a camel's. + +"He didn't pay much attention to us, nor to anybody else, for the +matter of that. He was as mournful as a hearse, for all his joyful +togs. + +"'Fine day, ain't it?' says Sim, social. + +"The tall chap looked up at him from under the deck of the beaver +hat. + +"'Huh!' he growls out, and looks down again. + +"'I say it's a fine day,' said Phinney again. + +"'I was after hearin' yez say it,' says the man, and walks off, +scowlin' like a meat ax. We looked after him. + +"'Who was that murderer?' asks Sim of the clerk. 'And when are +they going to hang him?' + +"'S-sh-sh!' whispers the clerk, scart. ''Tis the boss. The bloke +what runs the hotel. He's a fine man, but he has troubles. He's +blue.' + +"'So that's the boss, hey?' says I. 'And he's blue. Well, he +looks it. What's troublin' him? Ain't business good?' + +"'Never better. It ain't that. He has things on his mind. You +see--' + +"I cal'late he'd have told us the yarn, only Sim wouldn't wait to +hear it. We was goin' sight-seein' and we had 'aquarium' and +'Stock Exchange' on the list for that afternoon. The hotel clerk +had made out a kind of schedule for us of things we'd ought to see +while we was in New York, and so fur we'd took in the zoological +menagerie and the picture museum, and Central Park and Brooklyn +Bridge. + +"On the way downtown in the elevated railroad Sim done some +preachin'. His text was took from the Golconda House sign, which +had 'T. Dempsey, Proprietor,' painted on it. + +"'It's that Dempsey man's conscience that makes him so blue, +Hiram,' says Sim. 'It's the way he makes his money. He sells +liquor.' + +"'Oh!' says I. 'Is THAT it? I thought maybe he'd been sleepin' on +one of his own hotel beds. THEY'RE enough to make any man blue-- +black and blue.' + +"The 'aquarium' wa'n't a success. Phinney was disgusted. He give +one look around, grabbed me by the arm, and marched me out of that +building same as Deacon Titcomb, of the Holiness Church at Denboro, +marched his boy out of the Universalist sociable. + +"'It's nothin' but a whole passel of fish,' he snorts. 'The idea +of sendin' two Cape Codders a couple of miles to look at FISH. +I've looked at 'em and fished for 'em, and et 'em all the days of +my life,' he says, 'and when I'm on a vacation I want a change. +I'd forgot that "aquarium" meant fish, or you wouldn't have got me +within smellin' distance of it. Necessity's one thing and +pleasure's another, as the boy said about takin' his ma's spring +bitters.' + +"So we headed for the Stock Exchange. We got our gallery tickets +at the bank where the Golconda folks kept money, and in a little +while we was leanin' over a kind of marble bulwarks and starin' +down at a gang of men smokin' and foolin' and carryin' on. 'Twas a +dull day, so we found out afterward, and I guess likely that was +true. Anyway, I never see such grown-up men act so much like +children. There was a lot of poles stuck up around with signs on +'em, and around every pole was a circle of bedlamites hollerin' +like loons. Hollerin' was the nighest to work of anything I see +them fellers do, unless 'twas tearin' up papers and shovin' the +pieces down somebody's neck or throwin' 'em in the air like a play- +actin' snowstorm. + +"'What's the matter with 'em?' says I. 'High finance taken away +their brains?' + +"But Phinney was awful interested. He dumped some money in a mine +once. The mine caved in on it, I guess, for not a red cent ever +come to the top again, but he's been a kind of prophet concernin' +finances ever sence. + +"'I want to see the big fellers,' says he. 'S'pose that fat one is +Morgan?' + +"'I don't know,' says I. 'Me and Pierpont ain't met for ever so +long. Don't lean over and point so; you're makin' a hit.' + +"He was, too. Some of the younger crew on the floor was lookin' up +and grinnin', and more kept stoppin' and joinin' in all the time. +I cal'late we looked kind of green and soft, hangin' over that +marble rail, like posies on a tombstone; and green is the favorite +color to a stockbroker, they tell me. Anyhow, we had a good-sized +congregation under us in less than no time. Likewise, they got +chatty, and commenced to unload remarks. + +"'Land sakes!' says one. 'How's punkins?' + +"'How's crops down your way?' says another. + +"Now there wa'n't nothin' real bright and funny about these +questions--more fresh than new, they struck me--but you'd think +they was gems from the comic almanac, jedgin' by the haw-haws. +Next minute a little bald-headed smart Alec, with clothes that had +a tailor's sign hull down and out of the race, steps to the front +and commences to make a speech. + +"'Gosh t'mighty, gents,' says he. 'With your kind permission, I'll +sing "When Reuben Comes to Town." + +"And he did sing it, too, in a voice that needed cultivatin' +worse'n a sandy front yard. And with every verse the congregation +whooped and laughed and cheered. When the anthem was concluded, +all hands set up a yell and looked at us to see how we took it. + +"As for me, I was b'ilin' mad and mortified and redhot all over. +But Sim Phinney was as cool as an October evenin'. Once in a while +old Sim comes out right down brilliant, and he done it now. He +smiled, kind of tolerant and easy, same as you might at the tricks +of a hand-organ monkey. Then he claps his hands, applaudin' like, +reaches into his pocket, brings up a couple of pennies, and tosses +'em down to little baldhead, who was standin' there blown up with +pride. + +"For a minute the crowd was still. And THEN such a yell as went +up! The whole floor went wild. Next thing I knew the gallery was +filled with brokers, grabbin' us by the hands, poundin' us on the +back, beggin' us to come have a drink, and generally goin' crazy. +We was solid with the 'system' for once in our lives. We could +have had that whole buildin', from marble decks to gold maintruck, +if we'd said the word. Fifty yellin' lunatics was on hand to give +it to us; the other two hundred was joyfully mutilatin' the +baldhead. + +"Well, I wanted to get away, and so did Sim, I guess; but the crowd +wouldn't let us. We'd got to have a drink; hogsheads of drinks. +That was the best joke on Eddie Lewisburg that ever was. Come on! +We MUST come on! Whee! Wow! + +"I don't know how it would have ended if some one hadn't butted +head first through the mob and grabbed me by the shoulder. I was +ready to fight by this time, and maybe I'd have begun to fight if +the chap who grabbed me hadn't been a few inches short of seven +foot high. And, besides that, I knew him. 'Twas Sam Holden, a +young feller I knew when he boarded here one summer. His wife +boarded here, too, only she wa'n't his wife then. Her name was +Grace Hargrave and she was a fine girl. Maybe you remember 'em, +Sol?" + +The depot master nodded. + +"I remember 'em well," he said. "Liked 'em both--everybody did." + +"Yes. Well, he knew us and was glad to see us. + +"'It IS you!' he sings out. 'By George! I thought it was when I +came on the floor just now. My! but I'm glad to see you. And Mr. +Phinney, too! Bully! Clear out and let 'em alone, you Indians.' + +"The crowd didn't want to let us alone, but Sam got us clear +somehow, and out of the Exchange Buildin' and into the back room of +a kind of restaurant. Then he gets chairs for us, orders cigars, +and shakes hands once more. + +"'To think of seein' you two in New York!' he says, wonderin'. +'What are you doin' here? When did you come? Tell us about it.' + +"So we told him about our pleasure cruise, and what had happened to +us so fur. It seemed to tickle him 'most to death. + +"'Grace and I are keepin' house, in a modest way, uptown,' says +Sam, 'and she'll be as glad to see you as I am. You're comin' up +to dinner with me to-night, and you're goin' to make us a visit, +you know,' he says. + +"Well, if we didn't know it then, we learned it right away. +Nothin' that me or Simeon could say would make him change the +course a point. So Phinney went up to the Golconda House and got +our bags, and at half-past four that afternoon the three of us was +in a hired hack bound uptown. + +"On the way Sam was full of fun as ever. He laughed and joked, and +asked questions about East Harniss till you couldn't rest. All of +a sudden he slaps his knee and sings out: + +"'There! I knew I'd forgotten somethin'. Our butler left +yesterday, and I was to call at the intelligence office on my way +home and see if they'd scared up a new one.' + +"I looked at Simeon, and he at me. + +"'Hum!' says I, thinkin' about that 'modest' housekeepin'. 'Do you +keep a butler?' + +"'Not long,' says he, dry as a salt codfish. And that's all we +could get out of him. + +"I s'pose there's different kinds of modesty. We hadn't more'n got +inside the gold-plated front door of that house when I decided that +the Holden brand of housekeepin' wa'n't bashful enough to blush. +If I'D been runnin' that kind of a place, the only time I'd felt +shy and retirin' was when the landlord came for the rent. + +"One of the fo'mast hands--hired girls, I mean--went aloft to fetch +Mrs. Holden, and when Grace came down she was just as nice and +folksy and glad to see us as a body could be. But she looked sort +of troubled, just the same. + +"'I'm ever so glad you're here,' says she to me and Simeon. 'But, +oh, Sam! it's a shame the way things happen. Cousin Harriet and +Archie came this afternoon to stay until to-morrow. They're on +their way South. And I have promised that you and I shall take +Harriet to see Marlowe to-night. Of course we won't do it now, +under any consideration, but you know what she is.' + +"Sam seemed to know. He muttered somethin' that sounded like a +Scripture text. Simeon spoke up prompt. + +"'Indeed you will,' says he, decided. 'Me and Hiram ain't that +kind. We've got relations of our own, and we know what it means +when they come a-visitin'. You and Mr. Holden'll take your comp'ny +and go to see--whatever 'tis you want to see, and we'll make +ourselves to home till you get back. Yes, you will, or we clear +out this minute.' + +"They didn't want to, but we was sot, and so they give in finally. +It seemed that this Cousin Harriet was a widow relation of the +Holdens, who lived in a swell country house over in Connecticut +somewhere, and was rich as the rest of the tribe. Archie was her +son. 'Hers and the Evil One's,' Sam said. + +"We didn't realize how much truth there was in this last part until +we run afoul of Archie and his ma at dinner time. Cousin Harriet +was tall and middlin' slim, thirty-five years old, maybe, at a sale +for taxes, but discounted to twenty at her own valuation. She was +got up regardless, and had a kind of chronic, tired way of talkin', +and a condescendin' look to her, as if she was on top of Bunker +Hill monument, and all creation was on its knees down below. She +didn't warm up to Simeon and me much; eyed us over through a pair +of gilt spyglasses, and admitted that she was 'charmed, I'm sure.' +Likewise, she was afflicted with 'nerves,' which must be a divil of +a disease--for everybody but the patient, especial. + +"Archie--his ma hailed him as 'Archibald, dear'--showed up pretty +soon in tow of his 'maid,' a sweet-faced, tired-out Irish girl +named Margaret. 'Archibald, dear,' was five years old or so, +sufferin' from curls and the lack of a lickin'. I never see a +young one that needed a strap ile more. + +"'How d'ye do Archie?' says Simeon, holdin' out his hand. + +"Archie didn't take the hand. Instead of that he points at Phinney +and commences to laugh. + +"'Ho, ho!' says he, dancin' and pointin'. 'Look at the funny +whiskers.' + +"Sim wa'n't expectin' that, and it set him all aback, like he'd run +into a head squall. He took hold of his beard and looked foolish. +Sam and Grace looked ashamed and mad. Cousin Harriet laughed one +of her lazy laughs. + +"'Archibald, de-ar,' she drawls, 'you mustn't speak that way. Now +be nice, and play with Margaret durin' dinner, that's a good boy.' + +"'I won't,' remarks Archie, cheerful. 'I'm goin' to dine with you, +mama.' + +"'Oh, no, you're not, dear. You'll have your own little table, +and--' + +"Then 'twas' Hi, yi!' 'Bow, wow!' Archibald wa'n't hankerin' for +little tables. He was goin' to eat with us, that's what. His ma, +she argued with him and pleaded, and he yelled and stamped and +hurrahed. When Margaret tried to soothe him he went at her like a +wild-cat, and kicked and pounded her sinful. She tried to take him +out of the room, and then Cousin Harriet come down on her like a +scow load of brick. + +"'Haven't I told you,' says she, sharp and vinegary, 'not to oppose +the child in that way? Archibald has such a sensitive nature,' she +says to Grace, 'that opposition arouses him just as it did me at +his age. Very well, dear; you MAY dine with us to-night, if you +wish. Oh, my poor nerves! Margaret, why don't you place a chair +for Master Archibald? The creature is absolutely stupid at times,' +she says, talkin' about that poor maid afore her face with no more +thought for her feelin's than if she was a wooden image. 'She has +no tact whatever. I wouldn't have Archibald's spirit broken for +anything.' + +"'Twas his neck that needed breakin' if you asked ME. That was a +joyful meal, now I tell you. + +"There was more joy when 'twas over. Archie didn't want to go to +bed, havin' desires to set up and torment Simeon with questions +about his whiskers; askin' if they growed or was tied on, and +things like that. Course he didn't know his ma was goin' to the +show, or he wouldn't have let her. But finally he was coaxed +upstairs by Margaret and a box of candy, and, word havin' been sent +down that he was asleep, Sam got out his plug hat, and Grace and +Cousin Harriet got on their fur-lined dolmans and knit clouds, and +was ready for the hack. + +"'I feel mighty mean to go off and leave you this way,' says Sam to +me and Simeon. 'But you make yourself at home, won't you? This is +your house to-night, you know; servants and all.' + +"'How about that boy's wakin' up?' says I. + +"'Oh, his maid'll attend to him. If she needs any help you can +give it to her,' he says, winkin' on the side. + +"But Cousin Harriet was right at his starboard beam, and she heard +him. She flew up like a settin' hen. + +"'Indeed they will NOT!' she sings out. 'If anyone but Margaret +was to attempt to control Archibald, I don't dare think what might +happen. I shall not stir from this spot until these persons +promise not to interfere in ANY way; Archibald, dear, is such a +sensitive child.' + +"So we promised not to interfere, although Sim Phinney looked +disappointed when he done it. I could see that he'd had hopes +afore he give that promise." + + +CHAPTER XI + +IN THE GREAT METROPOLIS + + +"So they left you and Sim Phinney to keep house, did they, Hiram?" +observed Wingate. + +"They did. And, for a spell, we figgered on bein' free from too +much style. + +"After they'd gone we loafed into the settin' room or libr'ry, or +whatever you call it, and come to anchor in a couple of big lazy +chairs. + +"'Now,' says I, takin' off my coat, 'we can be comf'table.' + +"But we couldn't. In bobs a servant girl to know if we 'wanted +anything.' We didn't, but she looked so shocked when she see me in +my shirt sleeves that I put the coat on again, feelin' as if I'd +ought to blush. And in a minute back she comes to find out if we +was SURE we didn't want anything. Sim was hitchin' in his chair. +Between 'nerves' and Archibald, his temper was raw on the edges. + +"'Say,' he bursts out, 'you look kind of pale to me. What you need +is fresh air. Why don't you go take a walk?' + +"The girl looked at him with her mouth open. + +"'Oh,' says she, 'I couldn't do that, thank you, sir. That would +leave no one but the cook and the kitchen girl. And the master +said you was to be made perfectly comf'table, and--' + +"'Yes,' says Sim, dry, 'I heard him say it. And we can't be +comf'table with you shut up in the house this nice evenin'. Go and +take a walk, and take the cook and stewardess with you. Don't +argue about it. I'm skipper here till the boss gets back. Go, the +three of you, and go NOW. D'ye hear?' + +"There was a little more talk, but not much. In five minutes or so +the downstairs front door banged, and there was gigglin' outside. + +"'There,' says Simeon, peelin' off HIS coat and throwin' himself +back in one chair with his feet on another one. 'Now, by Judas, +I'm goin' to be homey and happy like poor folks. I don't wonder +that Harriet woman's got nerves. Darn style, anyhow! Pass over +that cigar box, Hiram.' + + +"'Twas half an hour later or so when Margaret, the nursemaid, came +downstairs. I'd almost forgot her. We was tame and toler'ble +contented by that time. Phinney called to her as she went by the +door. + +"'Is that young one asleep?' he asked. + +"'Yes, sir,' says she, 'he is. Is there anything I can do? Did +you want anything?' + +"Simeon looks at me. 'I swan to man, it's catchin'!' he says. +'They've all got it. No, we don't want anything, except-- What's +the matter? YOU don't need fresh air, do you?' + +"The girl looked as if she'd lost her last friend. Her pretty face +was pale and her eyes was wet, as if she'd been cryin'. + +"'No, sir,' says she, puzzled. 'No, sir, thank you, sir.' + +"'She's tired out, that's all,' says I. I swan, I pitied the poor +thing. 'You go somewheres and take a nap,' I told her. 'Me and my +friend won't tell.' + +"Oh, no, she couldn't do that. It wa'n't that she was tired--no +more tired than usual--but she'd been that troubled in her mind +lately, askin' our pardon, that she was near to crazy. + +"We was sorry for that, but it didn't seem to be none of our +business, and she was turnin' away, when all at once she stops and +turns back again. + +"'Might I ask you gintlemen a question?' she says, sort of +pleadin'. 'Sure I mane no harm by it. Do aither of you know a man +be the name of Michael O'Shaughnessy?' + +"Me and Sim looked at each other. 'Which?' says I. 'Mike O' who?' +says Simeon. + +"'Aw, don't you know him?' she begs. 'DON'T you know him? Sure I +hoped you might. If you'd only tell me where he is I'd git on me +knees and pray for you. O Mike, Mike! why did you leave me like +this? What'll become of me?' + +"And she walks off down the hall, coverin' her face with her hands +and cryin' as if her heart was broke. + +"'There! there!' says Simeon, runnin' after her, all shook up. +He's a kind-hearted man--especially to nice-lookin' females. +'Don't act so,' he says. 'Be a good girl. Come right back into +the settin' room and tell me all about it. Me and Cap'n Baker +ain't got nerves, and we ain't rich, neither. You can talk to us. +Come, come!' + +"She didn't know how to act, seemingly. She was like a dog that's +been kicked so often he's suspicious of a pat on the head. And she +was cryin' and sobbin' so, and askin' our pardon for doin' it, that +it took a good while to get at the real yarn. But we did get it, +after a spell. + +"It seems that the girl--her whole name was Margaret Sullivan--had +been in this country but a month or so, havin' come from Ireland in +a steamboat to meet the feller who'd kept comp'ny with her over +there. His name was Michael O'Shaughnessy, and he'd been in +America for four years or more, livin' with a cousin in Long Island +City. And he'd got a good job at last, and he sent for her to come +on and be married to him. And when she landed 'twas the cousin +that met her. Mike had drawn a five-thousand-dollar prize in the +Mexican lottery a week afore, and hadn't been seen sence. + +"So poor Margaret goes to the cousin's to stay. And she found them +poor as Job's pet chicken, and havin' hardly grub enough aboard to +feed the dozen or so little cousins, let alone free boarders like +her. And so, havin' no money, she goes out one day to an +intelligence office where they deal in help, and puts in a blank +askin' for a job as servant girl. 'Twas a swell place, where +bigbugs done their tradin', and there she runs into Cousin Harriet, +who was a chronic customer, always out of servants, owin' to the +complications of Archibald and nerves. And Harriet hires her, +because she was pretty and would work for a shavin' more'n nothin', +and carts her right off to Connecticut. And when Margaret sets out +to write for her trunk, and to tell where she is, she finds she's +lost the cousin's address, and can't remember whether it's Umpty- +eighth Street or Tin Can Avenue. + +"'And, oh,' says she, 'what SHALL I do? The mistress is that hard +to please, and the child is that wicked till I want to die. And I +have no money and no friends. O Mike! Mike!' she says. 'If you +only knew you'd come to me. For it's a good heart he has, although +the five thousand dollars carried away his head,' says she. + +"I don't believe I ever wanted to make a feller's acquaintance more +than I done that O'Shaughnessy man's. The mean blackguard, to +leave his girl that way. And 'twas easy to see what she'd been +through with Cousin Harriet and that brat. We tried to comfort her +all we could; promised to have a hunt through Long Island and the +directory, and to help get her another place when she got back from +the South, and so on. But 'twas kind of unsatisfactory. 'Twas her +Mike she wanted. + +"'I told the Father about it at the church up there,' she says, +'and he wrote, but the letters was lost, I guess. And I thought if +I might see a priest here in New York he might help me. But the +mistress is to go at noon to-morrer, and I'll have no time. What +SHALL I do?' says she, and commenced to cry again. + +"Then I had an idea. 'Priest?' says I. 'There's a fine big +church, with a cross on the ridgepole of it, not five minutes' walk +from this house. I see it as we was comin' up. Why don't you run +down there this minute?' I says. + +"No, she didn't want to leave Archibald. Suppose he should wake +up. + +"'All right,' says I. 'Then I'll go myself. And I'll fetch a +priest up here if I have to tote him on my back, like the feller +does the codfish in the advertisin' picture.' + +"I didn't have to tote him. He lived in a mighty fine house, +hitched onto the church, and there was half a dozen assistant +parsons to help him do his preachin'. But he was big and fat and +gray-haired and as jolly and as kind-hearted a feller as you'd want +to meet. He said he'd come right along; and he done it. + +"Phinney opened the door for us. 'What's the row?' says I, lookin' +at his face. + +"'Row?' he snorts; 'there's row enough for six. That da--excuse +me, mister--that cussed Archibald has woke up.' + +"He had; there wa'n't no doubt about it. And he was raisin' hob, +too. The candy, mixed up with the dinner, had put his works in +line with his disposition, and he was poundin' and yellin' upstairs +enough to wake the dead. Margaret leaned over the balusters. + +"'Is it the Father?' she says. 'Oh, dear! what'll I do?' + +"'Send some of the other servants to the boy,' says the priest, +'and come down yourself.' + +"Simeon, lookin' kind of foolish, explained what had become of the +other servants. Father McGrath--that was his name--laughed and +shook all over. + +"'Very well,' says he. 'Then bring the young man down. Perhaps +he'll be quiet here.' + +"So pretty soon down come Margaret with Archibald, full of the Old +Scratch, as usual, dressed up gay in a kind of red blanket nighty, +with a rope around the middle of it. The young one spotted Simeon, +and set up a whoop. + +"'Oh! there's the funny whiskers,' he sings out. + +"'Good evenin', my son,' says the priest. + +"'Who's the fat man?' remarks Archibald, sociable. 'I never saw +such a red fat man. What makes him so red and fat?' + +"These questions didn't make Father McGrath any paler. He laughed, +of course, but not as if 'twas the funniest thing he ever heard. + +"'So you think I'm fat, do you, my boy?' says he. + +"'Yes, I do,' says Archibald. 'Fat and red and funny. Most as +funny as the whisker man. I never saw such funny-lookin' people.' + +"He commenced to point and holler and laugh. Poor Margaret was so +shocked and mortified she didn't know what to do. + +"'Stop your noise, sonny,' says I. 'This gentleman wants to talk +to your nurse.' + +"The answer I got was some unexpected. + +"'What makes your feet so big?' says Archie, pointin' at my Sunday +boots. 'Why do you wear shoes like that? Can't you help it? +You're funny, too, aren't you? You're funnier than the rest of +'em.' + +"We all went into the library then, and Father McGrath tried to ask +Margaret some questions. I'd told him the heft of the yarn on the +way from the church, and he was interested. But the questionin' +was mighty unsatisfyin'. Archibald was the whole team, and the +rest of us was yeller dogs under the wagon. + +"'Can't you keep that child quiet?' asks the priest, at last, +losin' his temper and speakin' pretty sharp. + +"'O Archie, dear! DO be a nice boy,' begs Margaret, for the eight +hundredth time. + +"'Why don't you punish him as he deserves?' + +"'Father, dear, I can't. The mistress says he's so sensitive that +he has to have his own way. I'd lose my place if I laid a hand on +him.' + +"'Come on into the parlor and see the pictures, Archie,' says I. + +"'I won't,' says Archibald. 'I'm goin' to stay here and see the +fat man make faces.' + +"'You see,' says Sim, apologizin' 'we can't touch him, 'cause we +promised his ma not to interfere. And my right hand's got cramps +in the palm of it this minute,' he adds, glarin' at the young one. + +"Father McGrath stood up and reached for his hat. Margaret began +to cry. Archibald, dear, whooped and kicked the furniture. And +just then the front-door bell rang. + +"For a minute I thought 'twas Cousin Harriet and the Holdens come +back, but then I knew it was hours too early for that. Margaret +was too much upset to be fit for company, so I answered the bell +myself. And who in the world should be standin' on the steps but +that big Dempsey man, the boss of the Golconda House, where me and +Simeon had been stayin'; the feller we'd spoke to that very +mornin'. + +"'Good evenin', sor,' says he, in a voice as deep as a well. 'I'm +glad to find you to home, sor. There's a telegram come for you at +my place,' he says, 'and as your friend lift the address when he +come for the baggage this afternoon, I brought it along to yez. I +was comin' this way, so 'twas no trouble.' + +"'That's real kind of you,' I says. 'Step inside a minute, won't +you?' + +"So in he comes, and stands, holdin' his shiny beaver in his hand, +while I tore open the telegram envelope. 'Twas a message from a +feller I knew with the Clyde Line of steamboats. He had found out, +somehow, that we was in New York, and the telegram was an order for +us to come and make him a visit. + +"'I hope it's not bad news, sor,' says the big chap. + +"'No, no,' says I. 'Not a bit of it, Mr. Dempsey. Come on in and +have a cigar, won't you?' + +"'Thank you, sor,' says he. 'I'm glad it's not the bad news. +Sure, I ax you and your friend's pardon for bein' so short to yez +this mornin', but I'm in that throuble lately that me timper is all +but gone.' + +"'That so?' says I. 'Trouble's thick in this world, ain't it? Me +and Mr. Phinney got a case of trouble on our hands now, Mr. +Dempsey, and--' + +"'Excuse me, sor,' he says. 'My name's not Dempsey. I suppose you +seen the sign with me partner's name on it. I only bought into the +business a while ago, and the new sign's not ready yit. Me name is +O'Shaughnessy, sor.' + +"'What?' says I. And then: 'WHAT?' + +"'O'Shaughnessy. Michael O'Shaughnessy. I--' + +"'Hold on!' I sung out. 'For the land sakes, hold on! WHAT'S your +name?' + +"He bristled up like a cat. + +"'Michael O'Shaughnessy,' he roars, like the bull of Bashan. +'D'yez find any fault with it? 'Twas me father's before me-- +Michael Patrick O'Shaughnessy, of County Sligo. I'll have yez +know-- WHAT'S THAT?' + +"'Twas a scream from the libr'ry. Next thing I knew, Margaret, the +nurse girl, was standin' in the hall, white as a Sunday shirt, and +swingin' back and forth like a wild-carrot stalk in a gale. + +"'Mike!' says she, kind of low and faint. 'Mary be good to us! +MIKE!' + +"And the big chap dropped his tall hat on the floor and turned as +white as she was. + +"'MAGGIE!' he hollers. And then they closed in on one another. + +"Sim and the priest and Archie had followed the girl into the hall. +Me and Phinney was too flabbergasted to do anything, but big Father +McGrath was cool as an ice box. When Archibald, like the little +imp he was, sets up a whoop and dives for them two, the priest +grabs him by the rope of the blanket nighty and swings him into the +libr'ry, and shuts the door on him. + +"'And now,' says he, takin' Sim and me by the arms and leadin' us +to the parlor, 'we'll just step in here and wait a bit.' + +"We waited, maybe, ten minutes. Archibald, dear, shut up in the +libr'ry, was howlin' blue murder, but nobody paid any attention to +him. Then there was a knock on the door between us and the hall, +and Father McGrath opened it. There they was, the two of 'em--Mike +and Maggie--lookin' red and foolish--but happy, don't talk! + +"'You see, sor,' says the O'Shaughnessy man to me, ''twas the five- +thousand-dollar prize that done it. I'd been workin' at me trade, +sor--larnin' to tind bar it was--and I'd just got a new job where +the pay was pretty good, and I'd sint over for Maggie, and was +plannin' for the little flat we was to have, and the like of that, +when I drew that prize. And the joy of it was like handin' me a +jolt on the jaw. It put me out for two weeks, sor, and when I come +to I was in Baltimore, where I'd gone to collect the money; and two +thousand of the five was gone, and I knew me job in New York was +gone, and I was that shamed and sick it took me three days more to +make up me mind to come to me Cousin Tim's, where I knew Maggie'd +be waitin' for me. And when I did come back she was gone, too.' + +"'And then,' says Father McGrath, sharp, 'I suppose you went on +another spree, and spent the rest of the money.' + +"'I did not, sor--axin' your pardon for contradictin' your +riverence. I signed the pledge, and I'll keep it, with Maggie to +help me. I put me three thousand into a partnership with me friend +Dempsey, who was runnin' the Golconda House--'tis over on the East +Side, with a fine bar trade--and I'm doin' well, barrin' that I've +been crazy for this poor girl, and advertisin' and--' + +"'And look at the clothes of him!' sings out Margaret, reverentlike. +'And is that YOUR tall hat, Mike? To think of you with a tall hat! +Sure it's a proud girl I am this day. Saints forgive me, I've +forgot Archie!' + +"And afore we could stop her she'd run into the hall and unfastened +the libr'ry door. It took her some time to smooth down the young +one's sensitive feelin's, and while she was gone, me and Simeon +told the O'Shaughnessy man a little of what his girl had had to put +up with along of Cousin Harriet and Archibald. He was mad. + +"'Is that the little blackguard?' he asks, pointin' to Archibald, +who had arrived by now. + +"'That's the one,' says I. + +"Archibald looked up at him and grinned, sassy as ever. + +"'Father McGrath,' asks O'Shaughnessy, determined like, 'can you +marry us this night?' + +"'I can,' says the Father. + +"'And will yez?' + +"'I will, with pleasure.' + +"'Maggie,' says Mike, 'get your hat and jacket on and come with the +Father and me this minute. These gintlemen here will explain to +your lady when she comes back. But YOU'LL come back no more. +We'll send for your trunk to-morrer.' + +"Even then the girl hesitated. She'd been so used to bein' a slave +that I suppose she couldn't realize she was free at last. + +"'But, Mike, dear,' she says. 'I--oh, your lovely hat! Put it +down, Archie, darlin'. Put it down!' + +"Archibald had been doin' a little cruisin' on his own hook, and +he'd dug up Mike's shiny beaver where it had been dropped in the +hall. Now he was dancin' round with it, bangin' it on the top as +if it was a drum. + +"'Put it down, PLEASE!' pleads Margaret. 'Twas plain that that +plug was a crown of glory to her. + +"'Drop it, you little thafe!' yells O'Shaughnessy, makin' a dive +for the boy. + +"'I won't!' screams Archibald, and starts to run. He tripped over +the corner of a mat, and fell flat. The plug hat was underneath +him, and it fell flat, too. + +"'Oh! oh! oh!' wails Margaret, wringin' her hands. 'Your beautiful +hat, Mike!' + +"Mike's face was like a sunset. + +"'Your reverence,' says he, 'tell me this; don't the wife promise +to "obey" in the marriage service?' + +"'She does,' says Father McGrath. + +"'D'ye hear that, you that's to be Margaret O'Shaughnessy? You do? +Well, then, as your husband that's to be in tin minutes, I order +you to give that small divil what's comin' to him. D'ye hear me? +Will yez obey me, or will yez not?' + +"She didn't know what to do. You could see she wanted to--her +fingers was itchin' to do it, but-- And then Archie held up the +ruins of the hat and commenced to laugh. + +"That settled it. Next minute he was across her knee and gettin' +what he'd been sufferin' for ever sence he was born; and gettin' +all the back numbers along with it, too. + +"And in the midst of the performance Sim Phinney leans over to me +with the most heavenly, resigned expression on his face, and says +he: + +"'It ain't OUR fault, Hiram. We promised not to interfere.'" + +"What did Sam Holden and his wife say when they got home?" asked +Captain Sol, when the triumphant whoops over Archibald's righteous +chastisement had subsided. + +"We didn't give him much of a chance to say anything. I laid for +him in the hall when he arrived and told him that Phinney had got a +telegram and must leave immediate. He wanted to know why, and a +whole lot more, but I told him we'd write it. Neither Sim nor me +cared to face Cousin Harriet after her darlin' son had spun his +yarn. Ha! ha! I'd like to have seen her face--from a safe +distance." + +Captain Bailey Stitt cleared his throat. "Referrin' to them +automobiles," he said, "I--" + +"Say, Sol," interrupted Wingate, "did I ever tell you of Cap'n +Jonadab's and my gettin' took up by the police when WE was in New +York?" + +"No," replied the astounded depot master. "Took up by the POLICE?" + +"Um--hm. Surprises you, don't it? Well, that whole trip was a +surprise to me. + +"When Laban Thorp set out to thrash his son and the boy licked him +instead, they found the old man settin' in the barnyard, holdin' on +to his nose and grinnin' for pure joy. + +"'Hurt?' says he. 'Why, some. But think of it! Only think of it! +I didn't believe Bill had it in him.' + +"Well, that's the way I felt when Cap'n Jonadab sprung the New York +plan on to me. I was pretty nigh as much surprised as Labe. The +idea of a man with a chronic case of lockjaw of the pocketbook, +same as Jonadab had worried along under ever sence I knew him, +suddenly breakin' loose with a notion to go to New York on a +pleasure cruise! 'Twas too many for me. I set and looked at him. + +"'Oh, I mean it, Barzilla,' he says. 'I ain't been to New York +sence I was mate on the Emma Snow, and that was 'way back in the +eighties. That is, to stop I ain't. That time we went through on +the way to Peter T.'s weddin' don't count, 'cause we only went in +the front door and out the back, like Squealer Wixon went through +high school. Let's you and me go and stay two or three days and +have a real high old time,' says he. + +"I fetched a long breath. 'Jonadab,' I says, don't scare a feller +this way; I've got a weak heart. If you're goin' to start in and +be divilish in your old age, why, do it kind of gradual. Let's go +over to the billiard room and have a bottle of sass'parilla and a +five-cent cigar, just to break the ice.' + +"But that only made him mad. + +"'You talk like a fish,' he says. 'I mean it. Why can't we go? +It's September, the Old Home House is shut up for the season, you +and me's done well--fur's profits are concerned--and we ought to +have a change, anyway. We've got to stay here in Orham all +winter.' + +"'Have you figgered out how much it's goin' to cost?' I asked him. + +"Yes, he had. 'It won't be so awful expensive,' he says. 'I've +got some stock in the railroad and that'll give me a pass fur's +Fall River. And we can take a lunch to eat on the boat. And a +stateroom's a dollar; that's fifty cents apiece. And my daughter's +goin' to Denboro on a visit next week, so I'd have to pay board if +I stayed to home. Come on, Barzilla! don't be so tight with your +money.' + +"So I said I'd go, though I didn't have any pass, nor no daughter +to feed me free gratis for nothin' when I got back. And when we +started, on the followin' Monday, nothin' would do but we must be +at the depot at two o'clock so's not to miss the train, which left +at quarter past three. + +"I didn't sleep much that night on the boat. For one thing, our +stateroom was a nice lively one, alongside of the paddle box and +just under the fog whistle; and for another, the supper that +Jonadab had brought, bein' mainly doughnuts and cheese, wa'n't the +best cargo to take to bed with you. But it didn't make much +diff'rence, 'cause we turned out at four, so's to see the scenery +and git our money's worth. What was left of the doughnuts and +cheese we had for breakfast. + +"We made the dock on time, and the next thing was to pick out a +hotel. I was for cruisin' along some of the main streets until we +hove in sight of a place that looked sociable and not too +expensive. But no; Jonadab had it all settled for me. We was +goin' to the 'Wayfarer's Inn,' a boardin' house where he'd put up +once when he was mate of the Emma Snow. He said 'twas a fine place +and you could git as good ham and eggs there as a body'd want to +eat. + +"So we set sail for the 'Wayfarer's,' and of all the times gittin' +to a place--don't talk! We asked no less than nine policemen and +one hundred and two other folks, and it cost us thirty cents in car +fares, which pretty nigh broke Jonadab's heart. However, we found +it, finally, 'way off amongst a nest of brick houses and peddler +carts and children, and it wa'n't the 'Wayfarer's Inn' no more, but +was down in the shippin' list as the 'Golconda House.' Jonadab +said the neighborhood had changed some sence he was there, but he +guessed we'd better chance it, 'cause the board was cheap. + +"We had a nine-by-ten room up aloft somewheres, and there we set +down on the edge of the bed and a chair to take account of stock, +as you might say. + +"'Now, I tell you, Jonadab,' says I; 'we don't want to waste no +time, and we've got the day afore us. What do you say if we cruise +along the water front for a spell? There's ha'f a dozen Orham +folks aboard diff'rent steamers that hail from this port, and +'twouldn't be no more'n neighborly to call on 'em. There's Silas +Baker's boy, Asa--he's with the Savannah Line and he'd be mighty +glad to see us. And there's--' + +"But Jonadab held up his hand. He'd been mysterious as a baker's +mince pie ever sence we started, hintin' at somethin' he'd got to +do when we'd got to New York. And now he out with it. + +"'Barzilla,' he says, 'I ain't sayin' but what I'd like to go to +the wharves with you, first rate. And we will go, too. But afore +we do anything else I've got an errand that must be attended to. +'Twas give to me by a dyin' man,' he says, 'and I promised him I'd +do it. So that comes first of all.' + +"He got his wallet out of his inside vest pocket, where it had been +pinned in tight to keep it safe from robbers, unwound a foot or so +of leather strap, and dug up a yeller piece of paper that looked +old enough to be Methusalem's will, pretty nigh. + +"'Do you remember Patrick Kelly in Orham?' he asks. + +"'Who?' says I. 'Pat Kelly, the Irishman, that lived in the little +old shack back of your barn? Course I do. But he's been dead for +I don't know how long.' + +"'I know he has. Do you remember his boy Jim that run away from +home?' + +"'Let's see,' I says. 'Seems to me I do. Freckled, red-headed +rooster, wa'n't he? And of all the imps of darkness that ever--' + +"'S-sh-sh!' he interrupted solemn. 'Don't say that now, Barzilla. +Sounds kind of irreverent. Well, me and old Pat was pretty +friendly, in a way, though he did owe me rent. When he was sick +with the pleurisy he sends for me and he says, "Cap'n 'Wixon," says +he, "you're pretty close with the money," he says--he was kind of +out of his head at the time and liable to say foolish things-- +"you're pretty close," he says, "but you're a man of your word. My +boy Jimmie, that run away, was the apple of my eye."' + +"'That's what he said about his girl Maggie that was took up for +stealin' Mrs. Elkanah Higgins's spoons,' I says. 'He had a healthy +crop of apples in HIS orchard.' + +"'S-sh-h! DON'T talk so! I feel as if the old man's spirit was +with us this minute. "He's the apple of my eye," he says, "and he +run away, after me latherin' the life out of him with a wagon +spoke. 'Twas all for his good, but he didn't understand, bein' but +a child. And now I've heard," he says, "that he's workin' at 116 +East Blank Street in the city of New York. Cap'n Wixon, you're a +man of money and a travelin' man," he says (I was fishin' in them +days). "When you go to New York," he says, "I want you to promise +me to go to the address on this paper and hunt up Jimmie. Tell him +I forgive him for lickin' him," he says, "and die happy. Will you +promise me that, Cap'n, on your word as a gentleman?" And I +promised him. And he died in less than ten months afterwards, poor +thing.' + +"'But that was sixteen--eighteen--nineteen years ago,' says I. +'And the boy run away three years afore that. You've been to New +York in the past nineteen years, once anyhow.' + +"'I know it. But I forgot. I'm ashamed of it, but I forgot. And +when I was goin' through the things up attic at my daughter's last +Friday, seein' what I could find for the rummage sale at the +church, I come across my old writin' desk, and in it was this very +piece of paper with the address on it just as I wrote it down. And +me startin' for New York in three days! Barzilla, I swan to man, I +believe something SENT me to that attic.' + +"I knew what sent him there and so did the church folks, judgin' by +their remarks when the contribution came in. But I was too much +set back by the whole crazy business to say anything about that. + +"'Look here, Jonadab Wixon,' I sings out, 'do you mean to tell me +that we've got to put in the whole forenoon ransackin' New York to +find a boy that run off twenty-two years ago?' + +"'It won't take the forenoon,' he says. 'I've got the number, +ain't I?' + +"'Yes, you've got the number where he WAS. If you want to know +where I think he's likely to be now, I'd try the jail.' + +"But he said I was unfeelin' and disobligin' and lots more, so, to +cut the argument short, I agreed to go. And off we put to hunt up +116 East Blank Street. And when we located it, after a good hour +of askin' questions, and payin' car fares and wearin' out shoe +leather, 'twas a Chinese laundry. + +"'Well,' I says, sarcastic, 'here we be. Which one of the heathen +do you think is Jimmie? If he had an inch or so more of upper lip, +I'd gamble on that critter with the pink nighty and the baskets on +his feet. He has a kind of familiar chicken-stealin' look in his +eye. Oh, come down on the wharves, Jonadab, and be sensible.' + +"Would you believe it, he wa'n't satisfied. We must go into the +wash shop and ask the Chinamen if they knew Jimmie Kelly. So we +went in and the powwow begun. + +"'Twas a mighty unsatisfyin' interview. Jonadab's idea of talkin' +to furriners is to yell at 'em as if they was stone deef. If they +don't understand what you say, yell louder. So between his yells +and the heathen's jabber and grunts the hullabaloo was worse than a +cat in a hen yard. Folks begun to stop outside the door and listen +and grin. + +"'What did he say?' asks the Cap'n, turnin' to me. + +"'I don't know,' says I, 'but I cal'late he's gettin' ready to send +a note up to the crazy asylum. Come on out of here afore I go +loony myself.' + +"So he done it, finally, cross as all get out, and swearin' that +all Chinese was no good and oughtn't to be allowed in this country. +But he wouldn't give up, not yet. He must scare up some of the +neighbors and ask them. The fifth man that we asked was an old +chap who remembered that there used to be a liquor saloon once +where the laundry was now. But he didn't know who run it or what +had become of him. + +"'Never mind,' I says. 'You're as warm as you're likely to be this +trip. A rum shop is just about the place I'd expect that Kelly boy +WOULD be in. And, if he's like the rest of his relations on his +dad's side, he drank himself to death years ago. NOW will you head +for the Savannah Line?' + +"Not much, he wouldn't. He had another notion. We'd look in the +directory. That seemed to have a glimmer of sense somewheres in +its neighborhood, so we found an apothecary store and the clerk +handed us out a book once again as big as a church Bible. + +"'Kelly,' says Jonadab. 'Yes, here 'tis. Now, "James Kelly." +Land of Love! Barzilla, look here.' + +"I looked, and there wa'n't no less than a dozen pages of James +Kellys beginning with fifty James A.'s and endin' with four James +Z.'s. The Y in 'New York' ought to be a C, judgin' by that +directory. + +"'Godfrey mighty!' I says. 'This ain't no forenoon's job, Jonadab. +If you're goin' through that list you'll have to spend the rest of +your life here. Only, unless you want to be lonesome, you'll have +to change your name to Kelly.' + +"'If I'd only got his middle letter,' says he, mournful, ''twould +have been easier. He had four middle names, if I remember right-- +the old man was great on names--and 'twas too much trouble to write +'em all down. Well, I've done my duty, anyhow. We'll go and call +on Ase Baker.' + +"But 'twas after eleven o'clock then, and the doughnuts and cheese +I had for breakfast was beginnin' to feel as if they wanted +company. So we decided to go back to the Golconda and have some +dinner first. + +"We had ham and eggs for dinner, some that was left over from the +last time Jonadab stopped there, I cal'late. Lucky there was hot +bread and coffee on the bill or we'd never got a square meal. Then +we went up to our room and the Cap'n laid down on the bed. He was +beat out, he said, and wanted to rest up a spell afore haulin' +anchor for another cruise." + + +CHAPTER XII + +A VISION SENT + + +"Where's the arrestin' come in?" demanded Stitt. + +"Comes quick now, Bailey. Plenty quick enough for me and Jonadab, +I tell you that! After we got to our room the Cap'n went to sleep +pretty soon and I set in the one chair, readin' the newspaper and +wishin' I hadn't ate so many of the warm bricks that the Golconda +folks hoped was biscuit. They made me feel like a schooner goin' +home in ballast. I guess I was drowsin' off myself, but there +comes a most unearthly yell from the bed and I jumped ha'f out of +the chair. There was Jonadab settin' up and lookin' wild. + +"'What in the world?' says I. + +"'Oh! Ugh! My soul!' says he. + +"'Your soul, hey?' says I. 'Is that all? I thought mebbe you'd +lost a quarter.' + +"'Barzilla,' he says, comin' to and starin' at me solemn, +'Barzilla, I've had a dream--a wonderful dream.' + +"'Well,' I says, 'I ain't surprised. A feller that h'isted in as +much fried dough as you did ought to expect--' + +"'But I tell you 'twas a WONDERFUL dream,' he says. 'I dreamed I +was on Blank Street, where we was this mornin', and Patrick Kelly +comes to me and p'ints his finger right in my face. I see him as +plain as I see you now. And he says to me--he said it over and +over, two or three times--Seventeen," says he, "Seventeen." Now +what do you think of that?' + +"'Humph!' I says. 'I ain't surprised. I think 'twas just +seventeen of them biscuits that you got away with. Wonder to me +you didn't see somebody worse'n old Pat.' + +"But he was past jokin'. You never see a man so shook up by the +nightmare as he was by that one. He kept goin' over it and tellin' +how natural old Kelly looked and how many times he said 'Seventeen' +to him. + +"'Now what did he mean by it?' he says. 'Don't tell me that was a +common dream, 'cause twa'n't. No, sir, 'twas a vision sent to me, +and I know it. But what did he mean?' + +"'I think he meant you was seventeen kinds of an idiot,' I snorts, +disgusted. 'Get up off that bed and stop wavin' your arms, will +you? He didn't mean for you to turn yourself into a windmill, +that's sartin sure.' + +"Then he hits his knee a slap that sounds like a window blind +blowin' to. 'I've got it!' he sings out. 'He meant for me to go +to number seventeen on that street. That's what he meant.' + +"I laughed and made fun of him, but I might as well have saved my +breath. He was sure Pat Kelly's ghost had come hikin' back from +the hereafter to tell him to go to 17 Blank Street and find his +boy. 'Else why was he ON Blank Street?' he says. 'You tell me +that.' + +"I couldn't tell him. It's enough for me to figger out what makes +live folks act the way they do, let alone dead ones. And Cap'n +Jonadab was a Spiritu'list on his mother's side. It ended by my +agreein' to give the Jimmie chase one more try. + +"'But it's got to be the last,' I says. 'When you get to number +seventeen don't you say you think the old man meant to say +"seventy" and stuttered.' + +"Number 17 Blank Street was a little combination fruit and paper +store run by an Eyetalian with curly hair and the complexion of a +molasses cooky. His talk sounded as if it had been run through a +meat chopper. All he could say was, 'Nica grape, genta'men? On'y +fifteen cent a pound. Nica grape? Nica apple? Nica pear? Nica +ploom?' + +"'Kelly?' says Jonadab, hollerin' as usual. 'Kelly! d'ye +understand? K-E-L-Kel L-Y-ly, Kelly. YOU know, KELLY! We want to +find him.' + +"And just then up steps a feller about six feet high and three foot +through. He was dressed in checkerboard clothes, some gone to +seed, and you could hardly see the blue tie he had on for the glass +di'mond in it. Oh, he was a little wilted now--for the lack of +water, I judge--but 'twas plain that he'd been a sunflower in his +time. He'd just come out of a liquor store next door to the fruit +shop and was wipin' his mouth with the back of his hand. + +"'What's this I hear?' says he, fetchin' Jonadab a welt on the back +like a mast goin' by the board. 'Is it me friend Kelly you're +lookin' for?' + +"I was just goin' to tell him no, not likin' his looks, but Jonadab +cut in ahead of me, out of breath from the earthquake the feller +had landed him, but excited as could be. + +"'Yes, yes!' says he. 'It's Mr. Kelly we want. Do you know him?' + +"'Do I know him? Why, me bucko, 'tis me old college chum he is. +Come on with me and we'll give him the glad hand.' + +"He grabs Jonadab by the arm and starts along the sidewalk, +steerin' a toler'ble crooked course, but gainin' steady by jerks. + +"'I was on me way to Kelly's place now,' says he. 'And here it is. +Sure didn't I bate the bookies blind on Rosebud but yesterday--or +was it the day before? I don't know, but come on, me lads, and +we'll do him again.' + +"He turned in at a little narrer entry-like, and went stumblin' up +a flight of dirty stairs. I caught hold of Jonadab's coat tails +and pulled him back. + +"'Where you goin', you crazy loon?' I whispered. 'Can't you see +he's three sheets in the wind? And you haven't told him what Kelly +you want, nor nothin'.' + +"But I might as well have hollered at a stone wall. 'I don't care +if he's as fur gone in liquor as Belshazzer's goat,' sputters the +Cap'n, all worked up. 'He's takin' us to a Kelly, ain't he? And +is it likely there'd be another one within three doors of the +number I dreamed about? Didn't I tell you that dream was a vision +sent? Don't lay to NOW, Barzilla, for the land sakes! It's +Providence a-workin'.' + +"'Cording to my notion the sunflower looked more like an agent from +t'other end of the line than one from Providence, but just then he +commenced to yell for us and upstairs we went, Jonadab first. + +"'Whisht!' says the checkerboard, holdin' on to Jonadab's collar +and swingin' back and forth. 'Before we proceed to blow in on me +friend Kelly, let us come to an understandin' concernin' and +touchin' on--and--and--I don't know. But b'ys,' says he, solemn +and confidential, 'are you on the square? Are yez dead game +sports, hey?' + +"'Yes, yes!' says Jonadab. 'Course we be. Mr. Kelly and us are +old friends. We've come I don't know how fur on purpose to see +him. Now where's--' + +"'Say no more,' hollers the feller. 'Say no more. Come on with +yez.' And he marches down the dark hall to a door with a 'To let' +sign on it and fetches it a bang with his fist. It opens a little +ways and a face shows in the crack. + +"'Hello, Frank!' hails the sunflower, cheerful. 'Will you take +that ugly mug of yours out of the gate and lave me friends in?' + +"'What's the matter wid you, Mike?' asks the chap at the door. +'Yer can't bring them two yaps in here and you know it. Gwan out +of this.' + +"He tried to shut the door, but the checkerboard had his foot +between it and the jamb. You might as well have tried to shove in +the broadside of an ocean liner as to push against that foot. + +"'These gents are friends of mine,' says he. 'Frank, I'll do yez +the honor of an introduction to Gin'ral Grant and Dan'l O'Connell. +Open that door and compose your face before I'm obliged to break +both of 'em.' + +"'But I tell you, Mike, I can't,' says the door man, lookin' +scared. 'The boss is out, and you know--' + +"'WILL you open that door?' roars the big chap. And with that he +hove his shoulder against the panels and jammed the door open by +main force, all but flattenin' the other feller behind it. 'Walk +in, Gin'ral,' he says to Jonadab, and in we went, me wonderin' what +was comin' next, and not darin' to guess. + +"There was a kind of partitioned off hallway inside, with another +door in the partition. We opened that, and there was a good-sized +room, filled with men, smokin' and standin' around. A high board +fence was acrost one end of the room, and from behind it comes a +jinglin' of telephone bells and the sounds of talk. The floor was +covered with torn papers, the window blinds was shut, the gas was +burnin' blue, and, between it and the smoke, the smells was as +various as them in a fish glue factory. On the fence was a couple +of blackboards with 'Belmont' and 'Brighton' and suchlike names in +chalk wrote on 'em, and beneath that a whole mess in writin' and +figures like, 'Red Tail 4--Wt--108--Jock Smith--5--1,' 'Sourcrout +5--Wt--99--Jock Jones--20--5,' and similar rubbish. And the gang-- +a mighty mixed lot--was scribblin' in little books and watchin' +each other as if they was afraid of havin' their pockets picked; +though, to look at 'em, you'd have guessed the biggest part had +nothin' in their pockets but holes. + +"The six-foot checkerboard--who, it turned out, answered to the +hail of 'Mike'--seemed to be right at home with the gang. He +called most of 'em by their first names and went sasshayin' around, +weltin' 'em on the back and tellin' 'em how he'd 'put crimps in the +bookies rolls t'other day,' and a lot more stuff that they seemed +to understand, but was hog Greek to me and Jonadab. He'd forgot us +altogether which was a mercy the way I looked at it, and I steered +the Cap'n over into a corner and we come to anchor on a couple of +rickety chairs. + +"'What--why--what kind of a place IS this, Barzilla?' whispers +Jonadab, scared. + +"'Sh-h-h!' says I. 'Land knows. Just set quiet and hang on to +your watch.' + +"'But--but I want to find Kelly,' says he. + +"'I'd give somethin' to find a back door,' says I. 'Ain't this a +collection of dock rats though! If this is a part of your dream, +Jonadab, I wish you'd turn over and wake up. Oh land! here's one +murderer headin' this way. Keep your change in your fist and keep +the fist shut.' + +"A more'n average rusty peep, with a rubber collar on and no +necktie, comes slinkin' over to us. He had a smile like a crack in +a plate. + +"'Say, gents,' he says, 'have you made your bets yet? I've got a +dead straight line on the handicap,' says he, 'and I'll put you +next for a one spot. It's a sure t'ing at fifteen to three. What +do you say?' + +"I didn't say nuthin'; but that fool dream was rattlin' round in +Jonadab's skull like a bean in a blowgun, and he sees a chance for +a shot. + +"'See here, mister,' he says. 'Can you tell me where to locate Mr. +Kelly?' + +"'Who--Pete?' says the feller. 'Oh, he ain't in just now. But +about that handicap. I like the looks of youse and I'll let youse +in for a dollar. Or, seein' it's you, we'll say a half. Only +fifty cents. I wouldn't do better for my own old man,' he says. + +"While the Cap'n was tryin' to unravel one end of this gibberish I +spoke up prompt. + +"'Say,' says I, 'tell me this, will you? Is the Kelly who owns +this--this palace, named Jimmie--James, I mean?' + +"'Naw,' says he. 'Sure he ain't. It's Pete Kelly, of course-- +Silver Pete. But what are you givin' us? Are you bettin' on the +race, or ain't you?' + +"Well, Jonadab understood that. He bristled up like a brindled +cat. If there's any one thing the Cap'n is down on, it's gamblin' +and such--always exceptin' when he knows he's won already. You've +seen that kind, maybe. + +"'Young feller,' he says, perkish, 'I want you to know that me and +my friend ain't the bettin' kind. What sort of a hole IS this, +anyway?' + +"The rubber collared critter backed off, lookin' worried. He goes +acrost the room, and I see him talkin' to two or three other +thieves as tough as himself. And they commenced to stare at us and +scowl. + +"'Come on,' I whispered to Jonadab. 'Let's get out of this place +while we can. There ain't no Jimmie Kelly here, or if there is you +don't want to find him.' + +"He was as willin' to make tracks as I was, by this time, and we +headed for the door in the partition. But Rubber Collar and some +of the others got acrost our bows. + +"'Cut it out,' says one of 'em. 'You can't get away so easy. Hi, +Frank! Frank! Who let these turnip pullers in here, anyhow? Who +are they?' + +"The chap who was tendin' door comes out of his coop. 'You've got +me,' he says. 'They come in with Big Mike, and he was loaded and +scrappy and jammed 'em through. Said they was pals of his. Where +is he?' + +"There was a hunt for Mike, and, when they got his bearin's, there +he was keeled over on a bench, breathin' like an escape valve. And +an admiral's salute wouldn't have woke him up. The whole crew was +round us by this time, some ugly, and the rest laffin' and carryin' +on. + +"'It's the Barkwurst gang,' says one. + +"'It's old Bark himself,' says another. 'Look at them lace +curtains.' And he points to Jonadab's whiskers. + +"'This one's Jacobs in disguise,' sings out somebody else. 'You +can tell him by the Rube get-up. Haw! haw!' + +"'Soak 'em! Do 'em up! Don't let 'em out!' hollers a ha'f dozen +more. + +"Jonadab was game; I'll say that for him. And I hadn't been second +mate in my time for nothin'. + +"'Take your hands off me!' yells the Cap'n. 'I come in here to +find a man I'm lookin' for, James Kelly it was, and-- You would, +would you! Stand by, Barzilla!' + +"I stood by. Rubber Collar got one from me that made him remember +home and mother, I'll bet. Anyhow, my knuckles ached for two days +afterwards. And Jonadab was just as busy. But I cal'late we'd +have been ready for the oven in another five minutes if the door +hadn't bu'st open with a bang, and a loud dressed chap, with the +sweat pourin' down his face, come tearin' in. + +"'Beat it, fellers!' he yells. 'The place is goin' to be pinched. +I've just had the tip, and they're right on top of me.' + +"THEN there was times. Everybody was shoutin' and swearin' and +fallin' over each other to get out. I was kind of lost in the +shuffle, and the next thing I remember for sartin is settin' up on +Rubber Collar's stomach and lookin' foggy at the door, where the +loud dressed man was wrestlin' with a policeman. And there was +police at the windows and all around. + +"Well, don't talk! I got up, resurrects Jonadab from under a heap +of gamblers and furniture, and makes for harbor in our old corner. +The police was mighty busy, especially a fat, round-faced, red- +mustached man, with gold bands on his cap and arms, that the rest +called ' Cap'n.' Him and the loud dressed chap who'd give the +alarm was talkin' earnest close to us. + +"'I can't help it, Pete,' says the police cap'n. "Twas me or the +Vice Suppression crowd. They've been on to you for two weeks back. +I only just got in ahead of 'em as it was. No, you'll have to go +along with the rest and take your chances. Quiet now, everybody, +or you'll get it harder,' he roars, givin' orders like the skipper +of a passenger boat. 'Stand in line and wait your turns for the +wagon.' + +"Jonadab grabbed me by the wrist. He was pale and shakin' all +over. + +"'Oh, Lordy!' says he, 'we're took up. Will we have to go to jail, +do you think?' + +"'I don't know,' I says, disgusted. 'I presume likely we will. +Did you dream anything like this? You'd better see if you can't +dream yourself out now.' Twas rubbin' it in, but I was mad. + +"'Oh! oh!' says he, flappin' his hands. 'And me a deacon of the +church! Will folks know it, do you think?' + +"'Will they know it! Sounds as if they knew it already. Just +listen to that.' + +"The first wagon full of prizes was bein' loaded in down at the +front door, and the crowd outside was cheerin' 'em. Judgin' by the +whoops and hurrahs there wa'n't no less than a million folks at the +show, and they was gettin' the wuth of admission. + +"'Oh, dear!' groans Jonadab. 'And it'll be in the papers and all! +I can't stand this.' + +"And afore I could stop him he'd run over and tackled the head +policeman. + +"'Mister--Mister Cap'n,' he says, pantin', 'there's been a mistake, +an awful mis--take--' + +"'That's right,' says the police cap'n, 'there has. Six or eight +of you tin horns got clear. But--' Then he noticed who was +speakin' to him and his mouth dropped open like a hatch. 'Well, +saints above!' he says. 'Have the up-state delegates got to +buckin' the ponies, too? Why ain't you back home killin' pertater +bugs? You ought to be ashamed.' + +"'But we wa'n't gamblin'--me and my friend wa'n't. We was led in +here by mistake. We was told that a feller named Kelly lived here +and we're huntin' for a man of that name. I've got a message to +him from his poor dead father back in Orham. We come all the way +from Orham, Mass.--to find him and--' + +"The police cap'n turned around then and stared at him hard. +'Humph!' says he, after a spell. 'Go over there and set down till +I want you. No, you'll go now and we'll waste no breath on it. Go +on, do you hear!' + +"So we went, and there we set for ha'f an hour, while the rest of +the gang and the blackboards and the paper slips and the telephones +and Big Mike and his chair was bein' carted off to the wagon. +Once, when one of the constables was beatin' acrost to get us, the +police cap'n spoke to him. + +"'You can leave these two,' he says. 'I'll take care of them.' + +"So, finally, when there was nothin' left but the four walls and us +and some of the police, he takes me and Jonadab by the elbows and +heads for the door. + +"'Now,' says he, 'walk along quiet and peaceable and tell me all +about it. Get out of this!' he shouts to the crowd of small boys +and loafers on the sidewalk, 'or I'll take you, too.' + +"The outsiders fell astern, lookin' heartbroke and disapp'inted +that we wa'n't hung on the spot, and the fat boss policeman and us +two paraded along slow but grand. I felt like the feller that was +caught robbin' the poorhouse, and I cal'late Jonadab felt the same, +only he was so busy beggin' and pleadin' and explainin' that he +couldn't stop to feel anything. + +"He told it all, the whole fool yarn from one end to t'other. How +old Pat give him the message and how he went to the laundry, and +about his ridiculous dream, every word. And the fat policeman +shook all over, like a barrel of cod livers. + +"By and by we got to a corner of a street and hove to. I could see +the station house loomin' up large ahead. Fatty took a card from +his pocketbook, wrote on it with a pencil, and then hailed a hack, +one of them stern-first kind where the driver sits up aloft 'way +aft. He pushed back the cap with the gilt wreath on it, and I +could see his red hair shinin' like a sunset. + +"'Here,' says he to the hack driver, 'take these--this pair of +salads to the--what d'ye call it?--the Golconda House, wherever on +top of the pavement that is. And mind you, deliver 'em safe and +don't let the truck horses get a bite at 'em. And at half-past +eight to-night you call for 'em and bring 'em here,' handin' up the +card he'd written on. + +"''Tis the address of my house, I'm givin',' he says, turnin' to +Jonadab. 'I'll be off duty then and we'll have dinner and talk +about old times. To think of you landin' in Silver Pete's pool +room! Dear! dear! Why, Cap'n Wixon, barrin' that your whiskers +are a bit longer and a taste grayer, I'd 'a' known you anywheres. +Many's the time I've stole apples over your back fence. I'm Jimmie +Kelly,' says he." + +"Well, by mighty!" exclaimed the depot master, slapping his knee. +"So HE was the Kelly man! Humph!" + +"Funny how it turned out, wa'n't it?" said Barzilla. "Course, +Cap'n Jonadab was perfectly sat on spiritu'lism and signs and omens +and such after that. He's had his fortune told no less'n eight +times sence, and, nigh's I can find out, each time it's different. +The amount of blondes and brunettes and widows and old maids that +he's slated to marry, accordin' to them fortune tellers, is +perfectly scandalous. If he lives up to the prophecies, Brigham +Young wouldn't be a twospot 'longside of him." + +"It's funny about dreams," mused Captain Hiram. "Folks are always +tellin' about their comin' true, but none of mine ever did. I used +to dream I was goin' to be drowned, but I ain't been yet." + +The depot master laughed. "Well," he observed, "once, when I was a +youngster, I dreamed two nights runnin' that I was bein' hung. I +asked my Sunday school teacher if he believed dreams come true, and +he said yes, sometimes. Then I told him my dream, and he said he +believed in that one. I judged that any other finish for me would +have surprised him. But, somehow or other, they haven't hung me +yet." + +"There was a hired girl over at the Old Home House who was sat on +fortune tellin'," said Wingate. "Her name was Effie, and--" + +"Look here!" broke in Captain Bailey Stitt, righteous indignation +in his tone, "I've started no less than nineteen different times to +tell you about how I went sailin' in an automobile. Now do you +want to hear it, or don't you?" + +"How you went SAILIN' in an auto?" repeated Barzilla. "Went +ridin', you mean." + +"I mean sailin'. I went ridin', too, but--" + +"You'll have to excuse me, Bailey," interrupted Captain Hiram, +rising and looking at his watch. "I've stayed here a good deal +longer'n I ought to, already. I must be gettin' on home to see how +poor little Dusenberry, my boy, is feelin'. I do hope he's better +by now. I wish Dr. Parker hadn't gone out of town." + +The depot master rose also. "And I'll have to be excused, too," he +declared. "It's most time for the up train. Good-by, Hiram. Give +my regards to Sophrony, and if there's anything I can do to help, +in case your baby should be sick, just sing out, won't you?" + +"But I want to tell about this automobilin' scrape," protested +Captain Bailey. "It was one of them things that don't happen every +day." + +"So was that fortune business of Effie's," declared Wingate. +"Honest, the way it worked out was queer enough." + +But the train whistled just then and the group broke up. Captain +Sol went out to the platform, where Cornelius Rowe, Ed Crocker, +Beriah Higgins, Obed Gott, and other interested citizens had +already assembled. Wingate and Stitt followed. As for Captain +Hiram Baker, he hurried home, his conscience reproving him for +remaining so long away from his wife and poor little Hiram Joash, +more familiarly known as "Dusenberry." + + +CHAPTER XIII + +DUSENBERRY'S BIRTHDAY + + +Mrs. Baker met her husband at the door. + +"How is he?" was the Captain's first question. "Better, hey?" + +"No," was the nervous answer. "No, I don't think he is. His +throat's terrible sore and the fever's just as bad." + +Again Captain Hiram's conscience smote him. + +"Dear! dear!" he exclaimed. "And I've been loafin' around the +depot with Sol Berry and the rest of 'em instead of stayin' home +with you, Sophrony. I KNEW I was doin' wrong, but I didn't +realize--" + +"Course you didn't, Hiram. I'm glad you got a few minutes' rest, +after bein' up with him half the night. I do wish the doctor was +home, though. When will he be back?" + +"Not until late to-morrer, if then. Did you keep on givin' the +medicine?" + +"Yes, but it don't seem to do much good. You go and set with him +now, Hiram. I must be seein' about supper." + +So into the sick room went Captain Hiram to sit beside the crib and +sing "Sailor boy, sailor boy, 'neath the wild billow," as a +lugubrious lullaby. + +Little Hiram Joash tossed and tumbled. He was in a fitful slumber +when Mrs. Baker called her husband to supper. The meal was +anything but a cheerful one. They talked but little. Over the +home, ordinarily so cheerful, had settled a gloom that weighed upon +them. + +"My! my!" sighed Captain Hiram, "how lonesome it seems without him +chatterin' and racketin' sound. Seems darker'n usual, as if there +was a shadow on the place." + +"Hush, Hiram! don't talk that way. A shadow! Oh, WHAT made you +say that? Sounds like a warnin', almost." + +"Warnin'?" + +"Yes, a forewarnin', you know. 'The valley of the shadow--'" + +"HUSH!" Captain Baker's face paled under its sunburn. "Don't say +such things, Sophrony. If that happened, the Lord help you and me. +But it won't--it won't. We're nervous, that's all. We're always +so careful of Dusenberry, as if he was made out of thin china, that +we get fidgety when there's no need of it. We mustn't be foolish." + +After supper Mrs. Baker tiptoed into the bedroom. She emerged with +a very white face. + +"Hiram," she whispered, "he acts dreadful queer. Come in and see +him." + +The "first mate" was tossing back and forth in the crib, making odd +little choky noises in his swollen throat. When his father entered +he opened his eyes, stared unmeaningly, and said: "'Tand by to det +der ship under way." + +"Good Lord! he's out of his head," gasped the Captain. Sophronia +and he stepped back into the sitting room and looked at each other, +the same thought expressed in the face of each. Neither spoke for +a moment, then Captain Hiram said: + +"Now don't you worry, Sophrony. The Doctor ain't home, but I'm +goin' out to--to telegraph him, or somethin'. Keep a stiff upper +lip. It'll be all right. God couldn't go back on you and me that +way. He just couldn't. I'll be back in a little while." + +"But, oh, Hiram! if he should--if he SHOULD be taken away, what +WOULD we do?" + +She began to cry. Her husband laid a trembling hand on her +shoulder. + +"But he won't," he declared stoutly. "I tell you God wouldn't do +such a thing. Good-by, old lady. I'll hurry fast as I can." + +As he took up his cap and turned to the door he heard the voice of +the weary little first mate chokily calling his crew to quarters. +"All hands on deck!" + +The telegraph office was in Beriah Higgins's store. Thither ran +the Captain. Pat Sharkey, Mr. Higgins's Irish helper, who acted as +telegraph operator during Gertie Higgins's absence, gave Captain +Hiram little satisfaction. + +"How can I get Dr. Parker?" asked Pat. "He's off on a cruise and +land knows where I can reach him to-night. I'll do what I can, +Cap, but it's ten chances out of nine against a wire gettin' to +him." + +Captain Hiram left the store, dodging questioners who were anxious +to know what his trouble might be, and dazedly crossed Main Street, +to the railway station. He thought of asking advice of his friend, +the depot master. + +The evening train from Boston pulled out as he passed through the +waiting room. One or two passengers were standing on the platform. +One of these was a short, square-shouldered man with gray side +whiskers and eyeglasses. The initials on his suit case were J. S. +M., Boston, and they stood for John Spencer Morgan. If the bearer +of the suit case had followed the fashion of the native princes of +India and had emblazoned his titles upon his baggage, the +commonplace name just quoted might have been followed by "M.D., +LL.D., at Harvard and Oxford; vice president American Medical +Society; corresponding secretary Associated Society of Surgeons; +lecturer at Harvard Medical College; author of 'Diseases of the +Throat and Lungs,' etc., etc." + +But Dr. Morgan was not given to advertising either his titles or +himself, and he was hurrying across the platform to Redny Blount's +depot wagon when Captain Hiram touched him on the arm. + +"Why, hello, Captain Baker," exclaimed the Doctor, "how do you do?" + +"Dr. Morgan," said the Captain, "I--I hope you'll excuse my +presumin' on you this way, but I want to ask a favor of you, a +great favor. I want to ask if you'll come down to the house and +see the boy; he's on the sick list." + +"What, Dusenberry?" + +"Yes, sir. He's pretty bad, I'm 'fraid, and the old lady's +considerable upsot about him. If you just come down and kind of +take an observation, so's we could sort of get our bearin's, as you +might say, 'twould be a mighty help to all hands." + +"But where's your town physician? Hasn't he been called?" + +The Captain explained. He had inquired, and he had telegraphed, +but could get no word of Dr. Parker's whereabouts. + +The great Boston specialist listened to Captain Hiram's story in an +absent-minded way. Holidays were few and far between with him, and +when he accepted the long-standing invitation of Mr. Ogden Williams +to run down for the week end he determined to forget the science of +medicine and all that pertained to it for the four days of his +outing. But an exacting patient had detained him long enough to +prevent his taking the train that morning, and now, on the moment +of his belated arrival, he was asked to pay a professional call. +He liked the Captain, who had taken him out fishing several times +on his previous excursions to East Harniss, and he remembered +Dusenberry as a happy little sea urchin, but he simply couldn't +interrupt his pleasure trip to visit a sick baby. Besides, the +child was Dr. Parker's patient, and professional ethics forbade +interference. + +"Captain Hiram," he said, "I am sorry to disappoint you, but it +will be impossible for me to do what you ask. Mr. Williams +expected me this morning, and I am late already. Dr. Parker will, +no doubt, return soon. The baby cannot be dangerously ill or he +would not have left him." + +The Captain slowly turned away. + +"Thank you, Doctor," he said huskily. "I knew I hadn't no right to +ask." + +He walked across the platform, abstractedly striking his right hand +into his left. When he reached the ticket window he put one hand +against the frame as if to steady himself, and stood there +listlessly. + +The enterprising Mr. Blount had been hanging about the Doctor like +a cat about the cream pitcher; now he rushed up, grasped the suit +case, and officiously led the way toward the depot wagon. Dr. +Morgan followed more slowly. As he passed the Captain he glanced +up into the latter's face, lighted, as it was, by the lamp inside +the window. + +The Doctor stopped and looked again. Then he took another step +forward, hesitated, turned on his heel, and said: + +"Wait a moment, Blount. Captain Hiram, do you live far from here?" + +The Captain started. "No, sir, only a little ways." + +"All right. I'll go down and look at this boy of yours. Mind you, +I'll not take the case, simply give my opinion on it, that's all. +Blount, take my grip to Mr. Williams's. I'm going to walk down +with the Captain." + + +"Haul on ee bowline, ee bowline, haul!" muttered the first mate, as +they came into the room. The lamp that Sophronia was holding +shook, and the Captain hurriedly brushed his eyes with the back of +his hand. + +Dr. Morgan started perceptibly as he bent forward to look at the +little fevered face of Dusenberry. Graver and graver he became as +he felt the pulse and peered into the swollen throat. At length he +rose and led the way back into the sitting room. + +"Captain Baker," he said simply, "I must ask you and your wife to +be brave. The child has diphtheria and--" + +"Diphthery!" gasped Sophronia, as white as her best tablecloth. + +"Good Lord above!" cried the Captain. + +"Diphtheria," repeated the Doctor; "and, although I dislike +extremely to criticize a member of my own profession, I must say +that any physician should have recognized it." + +Sophronia groaned and covered her face with her apron. + +"Ain't there--ain't there no chance, Doctor?" gasped the Captain. + +"Certainly, there's a chance. If I could administer antitoxin by +to-morrow noon the patient might recover. What time does the +morning train from Boston arrive here?" + +"Ha'f-past ten or thereabouts." + +Dr. Morgan took his notebook from his pocket and wrote a few lines +in pencil on one of the pages. Then he tore out the leaf and +handed it to the Captain. + +"Send that telegram immediately to my assistant in Boston," he +said. "It directs him to send the antitoxin by the early train. +If nothing interferes it should be here in time." + +Captain Hiram took the slip of paper and ran out at the door +bareheaded. + +Dr. Morgan stood in the middle of the floor absent-mindedly looking +at his watch. Sophronia was gazing at him appealingly. At length +he put his watch in his pocket and said quietly: + +"Mrs. Baker, I must ask you to give me a room. I will take the +case." Then he added mentally: "And that settles my vacation." + + +Dr. Morgan's assistant was a young man whom nature had supplied +with a prematurely bald head, a flourishing beard, and a way of +appearing ten years older than he really was. To these gifts, +priceless to a young medical man, might be added boundless ambition +and considerable common sense. + +The yellow envelope which contained the few lines meaning life or +death to little Hiram Joash Baker was delivered at Dr. Morgan's +Back Bay office at ten minutes past ten. Dr. Payson--that was the +assistant's name--was out, but Jackson, the colored butler, took +the telegram into his employer's office, laid it on the desk among +the papers, and returned to the hall to finish his nap in the +armchair. When Dr. Payson came in, at 11:30, the sleepy Jackson +forgot to mention the dispatch. + +The next morning as Jackson was cleaning the professional boots in +the kitchen and chatting with the cook, the thought of the yellow +envelope came back to his brain. He went up the stairs with such +precipitation that the cook screamed, thinking he had a fit. + +"Doctah! Doctah!" he exclaimed, opening the door of the assistant's +chamber, "did you git dat telegraft I lef' on your desk las' +night?" + +"What telegraph?" asked the assistant sleepily. By way of answer +Jackson hurried out and returned with the yellow envelope. The +assistant opened it and read as follows: + + +Send 1,500 units Diphtheritic Serum to me by morning train. Don't +fail. Utmost importance. + +J. S. MORGAN. + + +Dr. Payson sprang out of bed, and running to the table took up the +Railway Guide, turned to the pages devoted to the O. C. and C. C. +Railroad and ran his finger down the printed tables. The morning +train for Cape Cod left at 7:10. It was 6:45 at that moment. As +has been said, the assistant had considerable common sense. He +proved this by wasting no time in telling the forgetful Jackson +what he thought of him. He sent the latter after a cab and +proceeded to dress in double-quick time. Ten minutes later he was +on his way to the station with the little wooden case containing +the precious antitoxin, wrapped and addressed, in his pocket. + +It was seven by the Arlington Street Church clock as the cab +rattled down Boylston Street. A tangle of a trolley car and a +market wagon delayed it momentarily at Harrison Avenue and Essex +Street. Dr. Payson, leaning out as the carriage swung into Dewey +Square, saw by the big clock on the Union Station that it was 7:13. +He had lost the train. + +Now, the assistant had been assistant long enough to know that +excuses--in the ordinary sense of the word--did not pass current +with Dr. Morgan. That gentleman had telegraphed for antitoxin, and +said it was important that he should have it; therefore, antitoxin +must be sent in spite of time-tables and forgetful butlers. Dr. +Payson went into the waiting room and sat down to think. After a +moment's deliberation he went over to the ticket office and asked: + +"What is the first stop of the Cape Cod express?" + +"Brockboro," answered the ticket seller. + +"Is the train usually on time?" + +"Well, I should smile. That's Charlie Mills's train, and the old +man ain't been conductor on this road twenty-two years for +nothin'." + +"Mills? Does he live on Shawmut Avenue?" + +"Dunno. Billy, where does Charlie Mills live?" + +"Somewhere at the South End. Shawmut Avenue, I think." + +"Thank you," said the assistant, and, helping himself to a time- +table, he went back rejoicing to his seat in the waiting room. He +had stumbled upon an unexpected bit of luck. + +There might be another story written in connection with this one; +the story of a veteran railroad man whose daughter had been very, +very ill with a dreaded disease of the lungs, and who, when other +physicians had given up hope, had been brought back to health by a +celebrated specialist of our acquaintance. But this story cannot +be told just now; suffice it to say that Conductor Charlie Mills +had vowed that he would put his neck beneath the wheels of his own +express train, if by so doing he could confer a favor on Dr. John +Spencer Morgan. + +The assistant saw by his time-table that the Cape Cod express +reached Brockboro at 8:05. He went over to the telegraph office +and wrote two telegrams. The first read like this: + + +CALVIN S. WISE, The People's Drug Store, 28 Broad Street, +Brockboro, Mass.: + +Send package 1,500 units Diphtheritic Serum marked with my name to +station. Hand to Conductor Mills, Cape Cod express. Train will +wait. Matter life and death. + + +The second telegram was to Conductor Mills. It read: + + +Hold train Brockboro to await arrival C. A. Wise. Great personal +favor. Very important. + + +Both of these dispatches were signed with the magic name, "J. S. +Morgan, M.D." + +"Well," said the assistant as he rode back to his office, "I don't +know whether Wise will get the stuff to the train in time, or +whether Mills will wait for him, but at any rate I've done my part. +I hope breakfast is ready, I'm hungry." + +Mr. Wise, of "The People's Drug Store," had exactly two minutes in +which to cover the three-quarters of a mile to the station. As a +matter of course, he was late. Inquiring for Conductor Mills, he +was met by a red-faced man in uniform, who, watch in hand, demanded +what in the vale of eternal torment he meant by keeping him waiting +eight minutes. + +"Do you realize," demanded the red-faced man, "that I'm liable to +lose my job? I'll have you to understand that if any other man +than Doc. Morgan asked me to hold up the Cape Cod express, I'd tell +him to go right plumb to--" + +Here Mr. Wise interrupted to hand over the package and explain that +it was a matter of life and death. Conductor Mills only grunted as +he swung aboard the train. + +"Hump her, Jim," he said to the engineer; "she's got to make up +those eight minutes." + +And Jim did. + + +And so it happened that on the morning of the Fourth of July, +Dusenberry's birthday, Captain Hiram Baker and his wife sat +together in the sitting room, with very happy faces. The Captain +had in his hands the "truly boat with sails," which the little +first mate had so ardently wished for. + +She was a wonder, that boat. Red hull, real lead on the keel, +brass rings on the masts, reef points on the main and fore sail, +jib, flying jib and topsails, all complete. And on the stern was +the name, "Dusenberry. East Harniss." + +Captain Hiram set her down in front of him on the floor. + +"Gee!" he exclaimed, "won't his eyes stick out when he sees that +rig, hey? Wisht he would be well enough to see it to-day, same as +we planned." + +"Well, Hiram," said Sophrony, "we hadn't ought to complain. We'd +ought to be thankful he's goin' to get well at all. Dr. Morgan +says, thanks to that blessed toxing stuff, he'll be up and around +in a couple of weeks." + +"Sophrony," said her husband, "we'll have a special birthday +celebration for him when he gets all well. You can bake the +frosted cake and we'll have some of the other children in. I TOLD +you God wouldn't be cruel enough to take him away." + +And this is how Fate and the medical profession and the O. C. and +C. C. Railroad combined to give little Hiram Joash Baker his +birthday, and explains why, as he strolled down Main Street that +afternoon, Captain Hiram was heard to sing heartily: + + + Haul on the bowline, the 'Phrony is a-rollin', + Haul on the bowline, the bowline, HAUL! + + +CHAPTER XIV + +EFFIE'S FATE + + +Surely, but very, very slowly, the little Berry house moved on its +rollers up the Hill Boulevard. Right at its heels--if a house may +be said to have heels--came the "pure Colonial," under the guidance +of the foreman with "progressive methods." Groups of idlers, male +and female, stood about and commented. Simeon Phinney smilingly +replied to their questions. Captain Sol himself seemed little +interested. He spent most of his daylight time at the depot, only +going to the Higginses' house for his meals. At night, after the +station was closed, he sought his own dwelling, climbed over the +joist and rollers, entered, retired to his room, and went to bed. + +Each day also he grew more taciturn. Even with Simeon, his +particular friend, he talked little. + +"What IS the matter with you, Sol?" asked Mr. Phinney. "You're as +glum as a tongue-tied parrot. Ain't you satisfied with the way I'm +doin' your movin'? The white horse can go back again if you say +so." + +"I'm satisfied," grunted the depot master. "Let you know when I've +got any fault to find. How soon will you get abreast the--abreast +the Seabury lot?" + +"Let's see," mused the building mover. "Today's the eighth. Well, +I'll be there by the eleventh, SURE. Can't drag it out no longer, +Sol, even if the other horse is took sick. 'Twon't do. Williams +has been complainin' to the selectmen and they're beginnin' to +pester me. As for that Colt and Adams foreman--whew!" + +He whistled. His companion smiled grimly. + +"Williams himself drops in to see me occasional," he said. "Tells +me what he thinks of me, with all the trimmin's added. I cal'late +he gets as good as he sends. I'm always glad to see him; he keeps +me cheered up, in his way." + +"Ye-es, I shouldn't wonder. Was he in to-day?" + +"He was. And somethin' has pleased him, I guess. At any rate he +was in better spirits. Asked me if I was goin' to move right onto +that Main Street lot soon as my house got there." + +"What did you say?" + +"I said I was cal'latin' to. Told him I hated to get out of the +high-society circles I'd been livin' in lately, but that everyone +had their comedowns in this world." + +"Ho, ho! that was a good one. What answer did he make to that?" + +"Well, he said the 'high society' would miss me. Then he finished +up with a piece of advice. 'Berry,' says he, 'don't move onto that +lot TOO quick. I wouldn't if I was you.' Then he went away, +chucklin'." + +"Chucklin', hey? What made him so joyful?" + +"Don't know"--Captain Sol's face clouded once more--"and I care +less," he added brusquely. + +Simeon pondered. "Have you heard from Abner Payne, Sol?" he asked. +"Has Ab answered that letter you wrote sayin' you'd swap your lot +for the Main Street one?" + +"No, he hasn't. I wrote him that day I told you to move me." + +"Hum! that's kind of funny. You don't s'pose--" + +He stopped, noticing the expression on his friend's face. The +depot master was looking out through the open door of the waiting +room. On the opposite side of the road, just emerging from Mr. +Higgins's "general store," was Olive Edwards, the widow whose home +was to be pulled down as soon as the "Colonial" reached its +destination. She came out of the store and started up Main Street. +Suddenly, and as if obeying an involuntary impulse, she turned her +head. Her eyes met those of Captain Sol Berry, the depot master. +For a brief instant their glance met, then Mrs. Edwards hurried on. + +Sim Phinney sighed pityingly. "Looks kind of tired and worried, +don't she?" he ventured. His friend did not speak. + +"I say," repeated Phinney, "that Olive looks sort of worn out and--" + +"Has she heard from the Omaha cousin yet?" interrupted the depot +master. + +"No; Mr. Hilton says not. Sol, what DO you s'pose--" + +But Captain Sol had risen and gone into the ticket office. The +door closed behind him. Mr. Phinney shook his head and walked out +of the building. On his way back to the scene of the house moving +he shook his head several times. + +On the afternoon of the ninth Captain Bailey Stitt and his friend +Wingate came to say good-by. Stitt was going back to Orham on the +"up" train, due at 3:3O. Barzilla would return to Wellmouth and +the Old Home House on the evening (the "down") train. + +"Hey, Sol!" shouted Wingate, as they entered the waiting room. +"Sol! where be you?" + +The depot master came out of the ticket office. "Hello, boys!" he +said shortly. + +"Hello, Sol!" hailed Stitt. "Barzilla and me have come to shed the +farewell tear. As hirelin's of soulless corporations, meanin' the +Old Home House at Wellmouth and the Ocean House at Orham, we've +engaged all the shellfish along-shore and are goin' to clear out." + +"Yes," chimed in his fellow "hireling," "and we thought the +pleasantest place to put in our few remainin' hours--as the papers +say when a feller's goin' to be hung--was with you." + +"I thought so," said Captain Bailey, with a wink. "We've been +havin' more or less of an argument, Sol. Remember how Barzilla +made fun of Jonadab Wixon for believin' in dreams? Yes, well that +was only make believe. He believes in 'em himself." + +"I don't either," declared Wingate. "And I never said so. What I +said was that sometimes it almost seemed as if there was somethin' +IN fortune tellin' and such." + +"There is," chuckled Bailey with another wink at the depot master. +"There's money in it--for the fortune tellers." + +"I said--and I say again," protested Barzilla, "that I knew a case +at our hotel of a servant girl named Effie, and she--" + +"Oh, Heavens to Betsy! Here he goes again, I steered him in here +on purpose, Sol, so's he'd get off that subject." + +"You never neither. You said--" + +The depot master held up his hand. "Don't both talk at once," he +commanded. "Set down and be peaceful, can't you. That's right. +What about this Effie, Barzilla?" + +"Now look here!" protested Stitt. + +"Shut up, Bailey! Who was Effie, Barzilla?" + +"She was third assistant roustabout and table girl at the Old Home +House," said Wingate triumphantly. "Got another cigar, Sol? +Thanks. Yes, this Effie had never worked out afore and she was +greener'n a mess of spinach; but she was kind of pretty to look at +and--" + +"Ah, ha!" crowed Captain Bailey, "here comes the heart confessions. +Want to look out for these old bachelors, Sol. Fire away, +Barzilla; let us know the worst." + +"I took a fancy to her, in a way. She got in the habit of tellin' +me her troubles and secrets, me bein' old enough to be her dad--" + +"Aw, yes!" this from Stitt, the irrepressible. "That's an old gag. +We know--" + +"WILL you shut up?" demanded Captain Sol. "Go on, Barzilla." + +"Me bein' old enough to be her dad," with a glare at Captain +Bailey, "and not bein' too proud to talk with hired help. I never +did have that high-toned notion. 'Twa'n't so long since I was a +fo'mast hand. + +"So Effie told me a lot about herself. Seems she'd been over to +the Cattle Show at Ostable one year, and she was loaded to the +gunwale with some more or less facts that a fortune-tellin' +specimen by the name of the 'Marvelous Oriental Seer' had handed +her in exchange for a quarter. + +"'Yup,' says she, bobbin' her head so emphatic that the sky-blue +ribbon pennants on her black hair flapped like a loose tops'l in a +gale of wind. 'Yup,' says she, 'I b'lieve it just as much as I +b'lieve anything. How could I help it when he told me so much that +has come true already? He said I'd seen trouble, and the dear land +knows that's so! and that I might see more, and I cal'late that's +pretty average likely. And he said I hadn't been brought up in +luxury--' + +"'Which wa'n't no exaggeration neither,' I put in, thinkin' of the +shack over on the Neck Road where she and her folks used to live. + +"'No,' says she; 'and he told me I'd always had longin's for better +and higher things and that my intellectuals was above my station. +Well, ever sence I was knee high to a kitchen chair I'd ruther work +upstairs than down, and as for intellectuals, ma always said I was +the smartest young one she'd raised yet. So them statements give +me consider'ble confidence. But he give out that I was to make a +journey and get money, and when THAT come true I held up both hands +and stood ready to swaller all the rest of it.' + +"'So it come true, did it?' says I. + +"'Um-hm,' says she, bouncin' her head again. 'Inside of four year +I traveled 'way over to South Eastboro--'most twelve mile--to my +Uncle Issy's fun'ral, and there I found that he'd left me nine +hundred dollars for my very own. And down I flops on the parlor +sofy and says I: "There! don't talk superstition to ME no more! A +person that can foretell Uncle Issy's givin' anybody a cent, let +alone nine hundred dollars, is a good enough prophet for ME to tie +to. Now I KNOW that I'm going to marry the dark-complected man, +and I'll be ready for him when he comes along. I never spent a +quarter no better than when I handed it over to that Oriental Seer +critter at the Cattle Show." That's what I said then and I b'lieve +it yet. Wouldn't you feel the same way?' + +"I said sure thing I would. I'd found out that the best way to +keep Effie's talk shop runnin' was to agree with her. And I liked +to hear her talk. + +"'Yup,' she went on, 'I give right in then. I'd traveled same as +the fortune teller said, and I'd got more money'n I ever expected +to see, let alone own. And ever sence I've been sartin as I'm +alive that the feller I marry will be of a rank higher'n mine and +dark complected and good-lookin' and distinguished, and that he'll +be name of Butler.' + +"'Butler?' says I. 'What will he be named Butler for?' + +"''Cause the Seer critter said so. He said he could see the word +Butler printed out over the top of my head in flamin' letters. Pa +used to say 'twas a wonder it never set fire to my crimps, but he +was only foolin'. I know that it's all comin' out true. You ain't +acquaintanced to any Butlers, are you?' + +"'No,' says I. 'I heard Ben Butler make a speech once when he was +gov'nor, but he's dead now. There ain't no Butlers on the Old Home +shippin' lists.' + +"'Oh, I know that!' she says. 'And everybody round here is +homelier'n a moultin' pullet. There now! I didn't mean exactly +EVERYbody, of course. But you ain't dark complected, you know, +nor--' + +"'No,' says I, 'nor rank nor distinguished neither. Course the +handsome part might fit me, but I'd have to pass on the rest of the +hand. That's all right, Effie; my feelin's have got fire-proofed +sence I've been in the summer hotel business. Now you'd better run +along and report to Susannah. I hear her whoopin' for you, and she +don't light like a canary bird on the party she's mad with.' + +"She didn't, that was a fact. Susannah Debs, who was housekeeper +for us that year, was middlin' young and middlin' good-lookin', and +couldn't forget it. Also and likewise, she had a suit for damages +against the railroad, which she had hopes would fetch her money +some day or other, and she couldn't forget that neither. She was +skipper of all the hired hands and, bein' as Effie was prettier +than she was, never lost a chance to lay the poor girl out. She +put the other help up to pokin' fun at Effie's green ways and high- +toned notions, and 'twas her that started 'em callin' her 'Lady +Evelyn' in the fo'castle--servants' quarters, I mean. + +"'I'm a-comin', 'screams Effie, startin' for the door. 'Susannah's +in a tearin' hurry to get through early to-day,' she adds to me. +'She's got the afternoon off, and her beau's comin' to take her +buggy ridin'. He's from over Harniss way somewheres and they say +he's just lovely. My sakes! I wisht somebody'd take ME to ride. +Ah hum! cal'late I'll have to wait for my Butler man. Say, Mr. +Wingate, you won't mention my fortune to a soul, will you? I never +told anybody but you.' + +"I promised to keep mum and she cleared out. After dinner, as I +was smokin', along with Cap'n Jonadab, on the side piazza, a horse +and buggy drove in at the back gate. A young chap with black curly +hair was pilotin' the craft. He was a stranger to me, wore a +checkerboard suit and a bonfire necktie, and had his hat twisted +over one ear. Altogether he looked some like a sunflower goin' to +seed. + +"'Who's that barber's sign when it's to home?' says I to Jonadab. +He snorted contemptuous. + +"'That?' he says. 'Don't you know the cut of that critter's jib? +He plays pool "for the house" in Web Saunders's place over to +Orham. He's the housekeeper's steady comp'ny--steady by spells, if +all I hear's true. Good-for-nothin' cub, I call him. Wisht I'd +had him aboard a vessel of mine; I'd 'a' squared his yards for him. +Look how he cants his hat to starboard so's to show them lovelocks. +Bah!' + +"'What's his name?' I asks. + +"'Name? Name's Butler--Simeon Butler. Don't you remember . . . +Hey? What in tunket. . .?' + +"Both of us had jumped as if somebody'd touched off a bombshell +under our main hatches. The windows of the dining room was right +astern of us. We whirled round, and there was Effie. She'd been +clearin' off one of the tables and there she stood, with the +smashed pieces of an ice-cream platter in front of her, the melted +cream sloppin' over her shoes, and her face lookin' like the +picture of Lot's wife just turnin' to salt. Only Effie looked as +if she enjoyed the turnin'. She never spoke nor moved, just stared +after that buggy with her black eyes sparklin' like burnt holes in +a blanket. + +"I was too astonished to say anything, but Jonadab had his eye on +that smashed platter and HE had things to say, plenty of 'em. I +walked off and left Effie playin' congregation to a sermon on the +text 'Crockery costs money.' You'd think that ice-cream dish was a +genuine ugly, nicked 'antique' wuth any city loon's ten dollars, +instead of bein' only new and pretty fifty-cent china. I felt real +sorry for the poor girl. + +"But I needn't have been. That evenin' I found her on the back +steps, all Sunday duds and airs. Her hair had a wire friz on it, +and her dress had Joseph's coat in Scriptur' lookin' like a +mournin' rig. She'd have been real handsome--to a body that was +color blind. + +"'My, Effie!' says I, 'you sartin do look fine to-night.' + +"'Yup,' she says, contented, 'I guess likely I do. Hope so, 'cause +I'm wearin' all I've got. Say, Mr. Wingate,' says she, excited as +a cat in a fit, 'did you see him?' + +"'Him?' says I. 'Who's him?' + +"'Why, HIM! The one the Seer said was comin'. The handsome, dark- +complected feller I'm goin' to marry. The Butler one. That was +him in the buggy this afternoon.' + +"I looked at her. I'd forgot all about the fool prophecy. + +"'Good land of love!' I says. 'You don't cal'late he's comin' to +marry YOU, do you, just 'cause his name's Butler? There's ten +thousand Butlers in the world. Besides, your particular one was +slated to be high ranked and distinguished, and this specimen +scrubs up the billiard-room floor and ain't no more distinguished +than a poorhouse pig.' + +"'Ain't?' she sings out. 'Ain't distinguished? With all them +beautiful curls, and rings on his fingers, and--' + +"'Bells on his toes? No!' says I, emphatic. 'Anyhow, he's signed +for the v'yage already. He's Susannah Debs's steady, and they're +off buggy ridin' together right now. And if she catches you makin' +eyes at her best feller--Whew!' + +"Didn't make no difference. He was her Butler, sure. 'Twas Fate-- +that's what 'twas--Fate, just the same as in storybooks. She was +sorry for poor Susannah and she wouldn't do nothin' mean nor +underhanded; but couldn't I understand that 'twas all planned out +for her by Providence and that everlastin' Seer? Just let me watch +and see, that's all. + +"What can you do with an idiot like that? I walked off disgusted +and left her. But I cal'lated to watch. I judged 'twould be more +fun than any 'play-actin' show ever I took in. + +"And 'twas, in a way. Don't ask me how they got acquainted, 'cause +I can't tell you for sartin. Nigh's I can learn, Susannah and Sim +had some sort of lover's row durin' their buggy ride, and when they +got back to the hotel they was scurcely on speakin' terms. And +Sim, who always had a watch out for'ard for pretty girls, see Effie +standin' on the servants' porch all togged up regardless and gay as +a tea-store chromo, and nothin' to do but he must be introduced. +One of the stable hands done the introducin', I b'lieve, and if +he'd have been hung afterwards 'twould have sarved him right. + +"Anyhow, inside of a week Butler come round again to take a lady +friend drivin', but this time 'twas Effie, not the housekeeper, +that was passenger. And Susannah glared after 'em like a cat after +a sparrow, and the very next day she was for havin' Effie +discharged for incompetentiveness. I give Jonadab the tip, though, +so that didn't go through. But I cal'late there was a parrot and +monkey time among the help from then on. + +"They all sided with Susannah, of course. She was their boss, for +one thing, and 'Lady Evelyn's' high-minded notions wa'n't popular, +for another. But Effie didn't care--bless you, no! She and that +Butler sport was together more and more, and the next thing I heard +was that they was engaged. I snum, if it didn't look as if the +Oriental man knew his job after all. + +"I spoke to the stable hand about it. + +"'Look here,' says I, 'is this business betwixt that pool player +and our Effie serious?' + +"He laughed. 'Serious enough, I guess,' he says. 'They're goin' +to be married pretty soon, I hear. It's all 'cordin' to the law +and the prophets. Ain't you heard about the fortune tellin' and +how 'twas foretold she'd marry a Butler?' + +"I'd heard, but I didn't s'pose he had. However, it seemed that +Effie hadn't been able to keep it to herself no longer. Soon as +she'd hooked her man she'd blabbed the whole thing. The fo'mast +hands wa'n't talkin' of nothin' else, so this feller said. + +"'Humph!' says I. 'Is it the prophecy that Butler's bankin' on?' + +"He laughed again. 'Not so much as on Lady Evelyn's nine hundred, +I cal'late,' says he. Sim likes Susannah the best of the two, so +we all reckon, but she ain't rich and Effie is. And yet, if the +Debs woman should win that lawsuit of hers against the railroad +she'd have pretty nigh twice as much. Butler's a fool not to wait, +I think,' he says. + +"This was of a Monday. On Friday evenin' Effie comes around to see +me. I was alone in the office. + +"'Mr. Wingate,' she says, 'I'm goin' to leave to-morrer night. I'm +goin' to be married on Sunday.' + +"I'd been expecting it, but I couldn't help feelin' sorry for her. + +"'Don't do nothin' rash, Effie,' I told her. 'Are you sure that +Butler critter cares anything about you and not your money?' + +"She flared up like a tar barrel. 'The idea!' she says, turnin' +red. 'I just come in to give you warnin'. Good-by.' + +"'Hold on,' I sung out to her. 'Effie, I've thought consider'ble +about you lately. I've been tryin' to help you a little on the +sly. I realized that 'twa'n't pleasant for you workin' here under +Susannah Debs, and I've been tryin' to find a nice place for you. +I wrote about you to Bob Van Wedderburn; he's the rich banker chap +who stopped here one summer. "Jonesy," we used to call him. I +know him and his wife fust rate, and he'd do 'most anything as a +favor to me. I told him what a neat, handy girl you was, and he +writes that he'll give you the job of second girl at his swell New +York house, if you want it. Now you just hand that Sim Butler his +clearance papers and go work for Bob's wife. The wages are double +what you get here, and--' + +"She didn't wait to hear the rest. Just sailed out of the room +with her nose in the air. In a minute, though, back she come and +just put her head in the door. + +"'I'm much obliged to you, Mr. Wingate,' says she. 'I know you +mean well. But you ain't had your fate foretold, same's I have. +It's all been arranged for me, and I couldn't stop it no more'n +Jonah could help swallerin' the whale. I--I kind of wish you'd be +on hand at the back door on Sunday mornin' when Simeon comes to +take me away. You--you're about the only real friend I've got,' +she says. + +"And off she went, for good this time. I pitied her, in spite of +her bein' such a dough head. I knew what sort of a husband that +pool-room shark would make. However, there wa'n't nothin' to be +done. And next day Cap'n Jonadab was round, madder'n a licked pup. +Seems Susannah's lawyer at Orham had sent for her to come right off +and see him. Somethin' about the suit, it was. And she was goin' +in spite of everything. And with Effie's leavin' at the same time, +what was we goin' to do over Sunday? and so forth and so on. + +"Well, we had to do the best we could, that's all. But that +Saturday was busy, now I tell you. Sunday mornin' broke fine and +clear and, after breakfast was over, I remembered Effie and that +'twas her weddin' day. On the back steps I found her, dressed in +all her grandeur, with her packed trunk ready, waitin' for the +bridegroom. + +"'Ain't come yet, hey, Effie?' says I. + +"'No,' says she, smilin' and radiant. 'It's a little early for him +yet, I guess.' + +"I went off to 'tend to the boarders. At half past ten, when I +made the back steps again, she was still there. T'other servants +was peekin' out of the kitchen windows, grinnin' and passin' +remarks. + +"'Hello!' I calls out. 'Not married yet? What's the matter?' + +"She'd stopped smilin', but she was as chipper as ever, to all +appearances. + +"'I--I guess the horse has gone lame or somethin',' says she. +'He'll be here any time now.' + +"There was a cackle from the kitchen windows. I never said +nothin'. She'd made her nest; now let her roost on it. + +"But at twelve Butler hadn't hove in sight. Every hand, male and +female, on the place, that wa'n't busy, was hangin' around the back +of the hotel, waitin' and watchin' and ridiculin' and havin' a high +time. Them that had errands made it a p'int to cruise past that +way. Lots of the boarders had got wind of the doin's, and they was +there, too. + +"Effie was settin' on her trunk, tryin' hard to look brave. I went +up and spoke to her. + +"'Come, my girl,' says I. 'Don't set here no longer. Come into +the house and wait. Hadn't you better?' + +"'No!' says she, loud and defiant like. 'No, sir! It's all right. +He's a little late, that's all. What do you s'pose I care for a +lot of jealous folks like those up there?' wavin' her flipper +scornful toward the kitchen. + +"And then, all to once, she kind of broke down, and says to me, +with a pitiful sort of choke in her voice: + +"'Oh, Mr. Wingate! I can't stand this. Why DON'T he come?' + +"I tried hard to think of somethin' comfortin' to say, but afore I +could h'ist a satisfyin' word out of my hatches I heard the noise +of a carriage comin'. Effie heard it, too, and so did everybody +else. We all looked toward the gate. 'Twas Sim Butler, sure +enough, in his buggy and drivin' the same old horse; but settin' +alongside of him on the seat was Susannah Debs, the housekeeper. +And maybe she didn't look contented with things in gen'ral! + +"Butler pulled up his horse by the gate. Him and Susannah bowed to +all hands. Nobody said anything for a minute. Then Effie bounced +off the trunk and down them steps. + +"'Simmie ' she sung out, breathless like, 'Simeon Butler, what does +this mean?' + +"The Debs woman straightened up on the seat. 'Thank you, marm,' +says she, chilly as the top section of an ice chest, 'I'll request +you not to call my husband by his first name.' + +"It was so still you could have heard yourself grow. Effie turned +white as a Sunday tablecloth. + +"'Your--husband?' she gasps. 'Your--your HUSBAND?' + +"'Yes, marm,' purrs the housekeeper. 'My husband was what I said. +Mr. Butler and me have just been married.' + +"'Sorry, Effie, old girl,' puts in Butler, so sassy I'd love to +have preached his fun'ral sermon. 'Too bad, but fust love's +strongest, you know. Susie and me was engaged long afore you come +to town.' + +"THEN such a haw-haw and whoop bust from the kitchen and fo'castle +as you never heard. For a jiffy poor Effie wilted right down. +Then she braced up and her black eyes snapped. + +"'I wish you joy of your bargain, marm,' says she to Susannah. +'You'd ought to be proud of it. And as for YOU,' she says, +swingin' round toward the rest of the help, 'I--' + +"'How 'bout that prophet?' hollers somebody. + +"'Three cheers for the Oriental!' bellers somebody else. + +"'When you marry the right Butler fetch him along and let us see +him!' whoops another. + +"She faced 'em all, and I gloried in her spunk. + +"'When I marry him I WILL come back,' says she. 'And when I do +you'll have to get down on your knees and wait on me. You--and +you-- Yes, and YOU, too!' + +"The last two 'yous' was hove at Sim and Susannah. Then she turned +and marched into the hotel. And the way them hired hands carried +on was somethin' scandalous--till I stepped in and took charge of +the deck. + +"That very afternoon I put Effie and her trunk aboard the train. I +paid her fare to New York and give her directions how to locate the +Van Wedderburns. + +"'So long, Effie,' says I to her. 'It's all right. You're enough +sight better off. All you want to do now is to work hard and +forget all that fortune-tellin' foolishness.' + +"She whirled on me like a top. + +"'Forget it!' she says. 'I GUESS I shan't forget it! It's comin' +true, I tell you--same as all the rest come true. You said +yourself there was ten thousand Butlers in the world. Some day the +right one--the handsome, high-ranked, distinguished one--will come +along, and I'll get him. You wait and see, Mr. Wingate--just you +wait and see.'" + + +CHAPTER XV + +THE "HERO" AND THE COWBOY + + +"So that was the end of it, hey?" said Captain Bailey. "Well, it's +what you might expect, but it wa'n't much to be so anxious to tell; +and as for PROVIN' anything about fortune tellin'--why--" + +"It AIN'T the end," shouted the exasperated Barzilla. "Not nigh +the end. 'Twas the beginnin'. The housekeeper left us that day, +of course, and for the rest of that summer the servant question +kept me and Jonadab from thinkin' of other things. Course, the +reason for the Butler scamp's sudden switch was plain enough. +Susannah's lawyer had settled the case with the railroad and, even +after his fee was subtracted, there was fifteen hundred left. That +was enough sight better'n nine hundred, so Sim figgered when he +heard of it; and he hustled to make up with his old girl. + +"Fifteen hundred dollars doesn't last long with some folks. At the +beginnin' of the next spring season both of 'em was round huntin' +jobs. Susannah was a fust-rate waitress, so we hired her for that-- +no more housekeeper for hers, and served her right. As for her +husband, we took him on in the stable. He wouldn't have been wuth +his salt if it hadn't been for her. She said she'd keep him movin' +and she did. She nagged and henpecked him till I'd have been sorry +if 'twas anybody else; as 'twas, I got consider'ble satisfaction +out of it. + +"I got one letter from Effie pretty soon after she left, sayin' she +liked her new job and that the Van Wedderburns liked her. And +that's all I did hear, though Bob himself wrote me in May, sayin' +him and Mabel, his wife, had bought a summer cottage in Wapatomac, +and me and Jonadab--especially me--must be sure and come to see it +and them. He never mentioned his second girl, and I almost forgot +her myself. + +"But one afternoon in early July a big six-cylinder automobile come +sailin' down the road and into the Old Home House yard. A shofer-- +I b'lieve that's what they call the tribe--was at the helm of it, +and on the back seat, lollin' luxurious against the upholstery, was +a man and a woman, got up regardless in silk dusters and goggles +and veils and prosperity. I never expect to see the Prince of +Wales and his wife, but I know how they'd look--after seein' them +two. + +"Jonadab was at the bottom step to welcome 'em, bowin' and scrapin' +as if his middle j'int had just been iled. I wa'n't fur astern, +and every boarder on deck was all eyes and envy. + +"The shofer opens the door of the after cockpit of the machine, and +the man gets out fust, treadin' gingerly but grand, as if he was +doin' the ground a condescension by steppin' on it. Then he turns +to the woman and she slides out, her duds rustlin' like the wind in +a scrub oak. The pair sails up the steps, Jonadab and me backin' +and fillin' in front of 'em. All the help that could get to a +window to peek had knocked off work to do it. + +"'Ahem!' says the man, pompous as Julius Caesar--he was big and +straight and fine lookin' and had black side whiskers half mast on +his cheeks--ahem!' says he. 'I say, good people, may we have +dinner here?' + +"Well, they tell us time and tide waits for no man, but prob'ly +that don't include the nobility. Anyhow, although 'twas long past +our reg'lar dinner time, I heard Jonadab tellin' 'em sure and +sartin they could. If they wouldn't mind settin' on the piazza or +in the front parlor for a spell, he'd have somethin' prepared in a +jiffy. So up to the piazza they paraded and come to anchor in a +couple of chairs. + +"'You can have your automobile put right into the barn,' I says, +'if you want to.' + +"'I don't know as it will be necessary--' began the big feller, but +the woman interrupted him. She was starin' through her thick veil +at the barn door. Sim Butler, in his overalls and ragged shirt +sleeves, was leanin' against that door, interested as the rest of +us in what was goin' on. + +"'I would have it put there, I think,' says the woman, lofty and +superior. 'It is rather dusty, and I think the wheels ought to be +washed. Can that man be trusted to wash 'em?' she asks, pointin' +kind of scornful at Simeon. + +"'Yes, marm, I cal'late so,' I says. 'Here, Sim!' I sung out, +callin' Butler over to the steps. 'Can you wash the dust off them +wheels?' + +"He said course he could, but he didn't act joyful over the job. +The woman seemed some doubtful. + +"'He looks like a very ignorant, common person,' says she, loud and +clear, so that everybody, includin' the 'ignorant person' himself, +could hear her. 'However, James'll superintend. James,' she +orders the shofer, 'you see that it is well done, won't you? Make +him be very careful.' + +"James looked Butler over from head to foot. 'Humph!' he sniffs, +contemptuous, with a kind of half grin on his face. 'Yes, marm, +I'll 'tend to it.' + +"So he steered the auto into the barn, and Simeon got busy. +Judgin' by the sharp language that drifted out through the door, +'twas plain that the shofer was superintendin' all right. + +"Jonadab heaves in sight, bowin', and makes proclamation that +dinner is served. The pair riz up majestic and headed for the +dinin' room. The woman was a little astern of her man, and in the +hall she turns brisk to me. + +"'Mr. Wingate,' she whispers, 'Mr. Wingate.' + +"I stared at her. Her voice had sounded sort of familiar ever +sence I heard it, but the veil kept a body from seein' what she +looked like. + +"'Hey?' I sings out. 'Have I ever--' + +"'S-s-h-h!' she whispers. 'Say, Mr. Wingate, that--that Susannah +thing is here, ain't she? Have her wait on us, will you, please?' + +"And she swept the veil off her face. I choked up and staggered +bang! against the wall. I swan to man if it wa'n't Effie! EFFIE, +in silks and automobiles and gorgeousness! + +"Afore I could come to myself the two of 'em marched into that +dining room. I heard a grunt and a 'Land of love!' from just ahead +of me. That was Jonadab. And from all around that dinin' room +come a sort of gasp and then the sound of whisperin'. That was the +help. + +"They took a table by the window, which had been made ready. Down +they set like a king and a queen perchin' on thrones. One of the +waiter girls went over to em. + +"But I'd come out of my trance a little mite. The situation was +miles ahead of my brain, goodness knows, but the joke of it all was +gettin' a grip on me. I remembered what Effie had asked and I +spoke up prompt. + +"'Susannah,' says I, 'this is a particular job and we're anxious to +please. You'd better do the waitin' yourself.' + +"I wish you could have seen the glare that ex-housekeeper give me. +For a second I thought we'd have open mutiny. But her place wa'n't +any too sartin and she didn't dare risk it. Over she walked to +that table, and the fun began. + +"Jonadab had laid himself out to make that meal a success, but they +ate it as if 'twas pretty poor stuff and not by no means what they +fed on every day. They found fault with 'most everything, but most +especial with Susannah's waitin'. My! how they did order her +around--a mate on a cattle boat wa'n't nothin' to it. And when +'twas all over and they got up to go, Effie says, so's all hands +can hear: + +"'The food here is not so bad, but the service--oh, horrors! +However, Albert,' says she to the side-whiskered man, 'you had +better give the girl our usual tip. She looks as if she needed it, +poor thing!' + +"Then they paraded out of the room, and I see Susannah sling the +half dollar the man had left on the table clear to Jericho, it +seemed like. + +"The auto was waitin' by the piazza steps. The shofer and Butler +was standin' by it. And when Sim see Effie with her veil throwed +back he pretty nigh fell under the wheels he'd been washin' so +hard. And he looked as if he wisht they'd run over him. + +"'Oh, dear!' sighs Effie, lookin' scornful at the wheels. 'Not +half clean, just as I expected. I knew by the looks of that--that +PERSON that he wouldn't do it well. Don't give him much, Albert; +he ain't earned it.' + +"They climbed into the cockpit, the shofer took the helm, and they +was ready to start. But I couldn't let 'em go that way. Out I +run. + +"'Say--say, Effie!' I whispers, eager. 'For the goodness' sakes, +what's all this mean? Is that your--your--' + +"'My husband? Yup,' she whispers back, her eyes shinin'. 'Didn't +I tell you to look out for my prophecy? Ain't he handsome and +distinguished, just as I said? Good-by, Mr. Wingate; maybe I'll +see you again some day.' + +"The machinery barked and they got under way. I run along for two +steps more. + +"'But, Effie,' says I, 'tell me--is his name--?' + +"She didn't answer. She was watchin' Sim Butler and his wife. Sim +had stooped to pick up the quarter the Prince of Wales had hove at +him. And that was too much for Susannah, who was watchin' from the +window. + +"'Don't you touch that money!' she screams. 'Don't you lay a +finger on it! Ain't you got any self-respect at all, you +miser'ble, low-lived--' and so forth and so on. All the way to the +front gate I see Effie leanin' out, lookin' and listenin' and +smilin'. + +"Then the machine buzzed off in a typhoon of dust and I went back +to Jonadab, who was a livin' catechism of questions which neither +one of us could answer." + +"So THAT'S the end!" exclaimed Captain Bailey. "Well--" + +"No, it ain't the end--not even yet. Maybe it ought to be, but it +ain't. There's a little more of it. + +"A fortni't later I took a couple of days off and went up to +Wapatomac to visit the Van Wedderburns, same as I'd promised. +Their 'cottage' was pretty nigh big enough for a hotel, and was so +grand that I, even if I did have on my Sunday frills, was 'most +ashamed to ring the doorbell. + +"But I did ring it, and the feller that opened the door was big and +solemn and fine lookin' and had side whiskers. Only this time he +wore a tail coat with brass buttons on it. + +"How do you do, Mr. Wingate?' says he. Step right in, sir, if you +please. Mr. and Mrs. Van Wedderburn are out in the auto, but +they'll be back shortly, and very glad to see you, sir, I'm sure. +Let me take your grip and hat. Step right into the reception room +and wait, if you please, sir. Perhaps,' he says, and there was a +twinkle in his port eye, though the rest of his face was sober as +the front door of a church, 'perhaps,' says he, 'you might wish to +speak with my wife a moment. I'll take the liberty of sendin' her +to you, sir.' + +"So, as I sat on the gunwale of a blue and gold chair, tryin' to +settle whether I was really crazy or only just dreamin', in bounces +Effie, rigged up in a servant's cap and apron. She looked polite +and demure, but I could see she was just bubblin' with the joy of +the whole bus'ness. + +"'Effie,' says I, 'Effie, what--what in the world--?' + +"She giggled. 'Yup,' she says, 'I'm chambermaid here and they +treat me fine. Thank you very much for gettin' me the situation.' + +"'But--but them doin's the other day? That automobile--and them +silks and satins--and--?' + +"'Mr. Van Wedderburn lent 'em to me,' she said, 'him an' his wife. +And he lent us the auto and the shofer, too. I told him about my +troubles at the Old Home House and he thought 'twould be a great +joke for me to travel back there like a lady. He's awful fond of a +joke--Mr. Van Wedderburn is.' + +"'But that man?' I gasps. 'Your husband? That's what you said he +was.' + +"'Yes,' says she, 'he is. We've been married 'most six months now. +My prophecy's all come true. And DIDN'T I rub it in on that +Susannah Debs and her scamp of a Sim? Ho! ho!' + +"She clapped her hands and pretty nigh danced a jig, she was so +tickled. + +"'But is he a Butler?' I asks. + +"'Yup,' she nods, with another giggle. 'He's A butler, though his +name's Jenkins; and a butler's high rank--higher than chambermaid, +anyhow. You see, Mr. Wingate,' she adds, ''twas all my fault. +When that Oriental Seer man at the show said I was to marry a +butler, I forgot to ask him whether you spelt it with a big B or a +little one.'" + +The unexpected manner in which Effie's pet prophecy had been +fulfilled amused Captain Sol immensely. He laughed so heartily +that Issy McKay looked in at the door with an expression of alarm +on his face. The depot master had laughed little during the past +few days, and Issy was surprised. + +But Captain Stitt was ready with a denial. He claimed that the +prophecy was NOT fulfilled and therefore all fortune telling was +fraudulent. Barzilla retorted hotly, and the argument began again. +The two were shouting at each other. Captain Sol stood it for a +while and then commanded silence. + +"Stop your yellin'!" he ordered. "What ails you fellers? Think +you can prove it better by screechin'? They can hear you half a +mile. There's Cornelius Rowe standin' gawpin' on the other side of +the street this minute. He thinks there's a fire or a riot, one or +t'other. Let's change the subject. See here, Bailey, didn't you +start to tell us somethin' last time you was in here about your +ridin' in an automobile?" + +"I started to--yes. But nobody'd listen. I rode in one and I +sailed in one. You see--" + +"I'm goin' outdoor," declared Barzilla. + +"No, you're not. Bailey listened to you. Now you do as much for +him. I heard a little somethin' about the affair at the time it +happened and I'd like to hear the rest of it. How was it, Bailey?" + +Captain Stitt knocked the ashes from his pipe. + +"Well," he began, "I didn't know the critter was weak in his top +riggin' or I wouldn't have gone with him in the fust place. And he +wa'n't real loony, nuther. 'Twas only when he got aboard that-- +that ungodly, kerosene-smellin', tootin', buzzin', Old Harry's +gocart of his that the craziness begun to show. There's so many of +them weak-minded city folks from the Ocean House comes perusin' +'round summers, nowadays, that I cal'lated he was just an average +specimen, and never examined him close." + +"Are all the Ocean House boarders weak-minded nowadays?" asked the +depot master. + +Mr. Wingate answered the question. + +"My land!" he snapped; "would they board at the Ocean House if they +WA'N'T weak-minded?" + +Captain Bailey did not deign to reply to this jibe. He continued +calmly: + +"This feller wa'n't an Ocean Houser, though. He was young +Stumpton's automobile skipper-shover, or shofer, or somethin' they +called him. He answered to the hail of Billings, and his home port +was the Stumpton ranch, 'way out in Montana. He'd been here in +Orham only a couple of weeks, havin' come plumb across the United +States to fetch his boss the new automobile. You see, 'twas early +October. The Stumptons had left their summer place on the Cliff +Road, and was on their way South for the winter. Young Stumpton +was up to Boston, but he was comin' back in a couple of days, and +then him and the shover was goin' automobilin' to Florida. To +Florida, mind you! In that thing! If it was me I'd buy my ticket +to Tophet direct and save time and money. + +"Well, anyhow, this critter Billings, he ain't never smelt salt +water afore, and he don't like the smell. He makes proclamations +that Orham is nothin' but sand, slush, and soft drinks. He won't +sail, he can't swim, he won't fish; but he's hankerin' to shoot +somethin', havin' been brought up in a place where if you don't +shoot some of the neighbors every day or so folks think you're +stuck up and dissociable. Then somebody tells him it's the duckin' +season down to Setuckit P'int, and he says he'll spend his day off, +while the boss is away, massycreein' the coots there. This same +somebody whispers that I know so much about ducks that I quack when +I talk, and he comes cruisin' over in the buzz cart to hire me for +guide. And--would you b'lieve it?--it turns out that he's +cal'latin' to make his duckin' v'yage in that very cart. I was for +makin' the trip in a boat, like a sensible man, but he wouldn't +hear of it. + +"'Land of love!' says I. 'Go to Setuckit in a automobile?' + +"'Why not?' he says. 'The biscuit shooter up at the hotel tells me +there's a smart chance of folks goes there a-horseback. And where +a hoss can travel I reckon the old gal here'--slappin' the thwart +of the auto alongside of him--'can go, too!' + +"'But there's the Cut-through,' says I. + +"''Tain't nothin' but a creek when the freshet's over, they tell +me,' says he. 'And me and the boss have forded four foot of river +in this very machine.' + +"By the 'freshet' bein' over I judged he meant the tide bein' out. +And the Cut-through ain't but a little trickle then, though it's a +quarter mile wide and deep enough to float a schooner at high +water. It's the strip of channel that makes Setuckit Beach an +island, you know. The gov'ment has had engineers down dredgin' of +it out, and pretty soon fish boats'll be able to save the twenty- +mile sail around the P'int and into Orham Harbor at all hours. + +"Well, to make a long story short, I agreed to let him cart me to +Setuckit P'int in that everlastin' gas carryall. We was to start +at four o'clock in the afternoon, 'cause the tide at the Cut- +through would be dead low at half-past four. We'd stay overnight +at my shanty at the P'int, get up airly, shoot all day, and come +back the next afternoon. + +"At four prompt he was on hand, ready for me. I loaded in the guns +and grub and one thing or 'nother, and then 'twas time for me to +get aboard myself. + +"'You'll set in the tonneau,' says he, indicatin' the upholstered +after cockpit of the concern. I opened up the shiny hatch, under +orders from him, and climbed in among the upholstery. 'Twas soft +as a feather bed. + +"'Jerushy!' says I, lollin' back luxurious. This is fine, ain't +it?' + +"'Cost seventy-five hundred to build,' he says casual. 'Made to +order for the boss. Lightest car of her speed ever turned out.' + +"'Go 'way! How you talk! Seventy-five hundred what? Not +dollars?' + +"'Sure,' he says. Then he turns round--he was in the bow, hangin' +on to the steerin' wheel--and looks me over, kind of interested, +but superior. 'Say,' he says, 'I've been hearin' things about you. +You're a hero, ain't you?' + +"Durn them Orham gabblers! Ever sence I hauled that crew of +seasick summer boarders out of the drink a couple of years ago and +the gov'ment gave me a medal, the minister and some more of his +gang have painted out the name I was launched under and had me +entered on the shippin' list as 'The Hero.' I've licked two or +three for callin' me that, but I can't lick a parson, and he was +the one that told Billings. + +"'Oh, I don't know!' I answers pretty sharp. 'Get her under way, +why don't you?' + +"All he done was look me over some more and grin. + +"'A hero! A real live gov'ment-branded hero!' he says. 'Ain't +scared of nothin', I reckon--hey?' + +"I never made no answer. There's some things that's too fresh to +eat without salt, and I didn't have a pickle tub handy. + +"'Hum!' he says again, reverend-like. 'A sure hero; scared of +nothin'! Never rode in an auto afore, did you?' + +"'No,' says I, peppery; 'and I don't see no present symptom of +ridin' in one now. Cast off, won't you?' + +"He cast off. That is to say, he hauled a nickel-plated +marlinespike thing toward him, shoved another one away from him, +took a twist on the steerin' wheel, the gocart coughed like a horse +with the heaves, started up some sort of buzz-planer underneath, +and then we begun to move. + +"From the time we left my shanty at South Orham till we passed the +pines at Herrin' Neck I laid back in that stuffed cockpit, feelin' +as grand and tainted as old John D. himself. The automobile rolled +along smooth but swift, and it seemed to me I had never known what +easy trav'lin' was afore. As we rounded the bend by the pines and +opened up the twelve-mile narrow white stretch of Setuckit Beach +ahead of us, with the ocean on one side and the bay on t'other, I +looked at my watch. We'd come that fur in thirteen minutes. + +"'Land sakes!' I says. 'This is what I call movin' right along!' + +"He turned round and sized me up again, like he was surprised. + +"'Movin'?' says he. 'Movin'? Why, pard, we've been settin' down +to rest! Out our way, if a lynchin' party didn't move faster than +we've done so fur, the center of attraction would die on the road +of old age. Now, my heroic college chum,' he goes on, callin' me +out of my name, as usual, 'will you be so condescendin' as to +indicate how we hit the trail?' + +"'Hit--hit which? Don't hit nothin', for goodness' sake! Goin' +the way we be, it would--' + +"'Which way do we go?' + +"'Right straight ahead. Keep on the ocean side, 'cause there's +more hard sand there, and--hold on! Don't do that! Stop it, I +tell you!' + +"Them was the last rememberable words said by me durin' the next +quarter of an hour. That shover man let out a hair-raisin' yell, +hauled the nickel marlinespike over in its rack, and squeezed a +rubber bag that was spliced to the steerin' wheel. There was a +half dozen toots or howls or honks from under our bows somewheres, +and then that automobile hopped off the ground and commenced to +fly. The fust hop landed me on my knees in the cockpit, and there +I stayed. 'Twas the most fittin' position fur my frame of mind and +chimed in fust-rate with the general religious drift of my +thoughts. + +"The Cut-through is two mile or more from Herrin' Neck. 'Cordin' +to my count we hit terra cotta just three times in them two miles. +The fust hit knocked my hat off. The second one chucked me up so +high I looked back for the hat, and though we was a half mile away +from it, it hadn't had time to git to the ground. And all the +while the horn was a-honkin', and Billings was a-screechin, and the +sand was a-flyin'. Sand! Why, say! Do you see that extra bald +place on the back of my head? Yes? Well, there was a two-inch +thatch of hair there afore that sand blast ground it off. + +"When I went up on the third jounce I noticed the Cut-through just +ahead. Billings see it, too, and--would you b'lieve it?--the +lunatic stood up, let go of the wheel with one hand, takes off his +hat and waves it, and we charge down across them wet tide flats +like death on the woolly horse, in Scriptur'. + +"'Hi, yah! Yip!' whoops Billings. 'Come on in, fellers! The +water's fine! Yow! Y-e-e-e! Yip!' + +"For a second it left off rainin' sand, and there was a typhoon of +mud and spray. I see a million of the prettiest rainbows--that is, +I cal'lated there was a million; it's awful hard to count when +you're bouncin' and prayin' and drowndin' all to once. Then we +sizzed out of the channel, over the flats on t'other side, and on +toward Setuckit. + +"Never mind the rest of the ride. 'Twas all a sort of constant +changin' sameness. I remember passin' a blurred life-savin' +station, with three--or maybe thirty--blurred men jumpin' and +laughin' and hollerin'. I found out afterwards that they'd been on +the lookout for the bombshell for half an hour. Billings had told +around town what he was goin' to do to me, and some kind friend had +telephoned it to the station. So the life-savers was full of +anticipations. I hope they were satisfied. I hadn't rehearsed my +part of the show none, but I feel what the parson calls a +consciousness of havin' done my best. + +"'Whoa, gal!' says Billings, calm and easy, puttin' the helm hard +down. The auto was standin' still at last. Part of me was hangin' +over the lee rail. I could see out of the part, so I knew 'twas my +head. And there alongside was my fish shanty at the P'int, goin' +round and round in circles. + +"I undid the hatch of the cockpit and fell out on the sand. Then I +scrambled up and caught hold of the shanty as it went past me. +That fool shover watched me, seemin'ly interested. + +"'Why, pard,' says he, 'what's the matter? Do you feel pale? Are +you nervous? It ain't possible that you're scared? Honest, now, +pard, if it weren't that I knew you were a genuine gold-mounted +hero I'd sure think you was a scared man.' + +"I never said nothin'. The scenery and me was just turnin' the +mark buoy on our fourth lap. + +"'Dear me, pard!' continues Billings. 'I sure hope I ain't scared +you none. We come down a little slow this evenin', but to-morrow +night, when I take you back home, I'll let the old girl out a +little.' + +"I sensed some of that. And as the shanty had about come to +anchor, I answered and spoke my mind. + +"'When you take me back home!' I says. 'When you do! Why, you +crack-brained, murderin' lunatic, I wouldn't cruise in that hell +wagon of yours again for the skipper's wages on a Cunarder. No, +nor the mate's hove in!' + +"And that shover he put his head back and laughed and laughed and +laughed." + + +CHAPTER XVI + +THE CRUISE OF THE RED CAR + + +"I don't wonder he laughed," observed Wingate, who seemed to enjoy +irritating his friend. "You must have been good as a circus." + +"Humph!" grunted the depot master. "If I remember right you said +YOU wa'n't any ten-cent side show under similar circumstances, +Barzilla. Heave ahead, Bailey!" + +Captain Stitt, unruffled, resumed: + +"I tell you, I had to take it that evenin'," he said. "All the +time I was cookin' and while he was eatin' supper, Billings was +rubbin' it into me about my bein' scared. Called me all the +saltwater-hero names he could think of--'Hobson' and 'Dewey' and +the like of that, usin' em sarcastic, of course. Finally, he said +he remembered readin' in school, when he was little, about a girl +hero, name of Grace Darlin'. Said he cal'lated, if I didn't mind, +he'd call me Grace, 'cause it was heroic and yet kind of fitted in +with my partic'lar brand of bravery. I didn't answer much; he had +me down, and I knew it. Likewise I judged he was more or less out +of his head; no sane man would yell the way he done aboard that +automobile. + +"Then he commenced to spin yarns about himself and his doin's, and +pretty soon it come out that he'd been a cowboy afore young +Stumpton give up ranchin' and took to automobilin'. That cleared +the sky line some, of course; I'd read consider'ble about cowboys +in the ten-cent books my nephew fetched home when he was away to +school. I see right off that Billings was the livin' image of +Deadwood Dick and Wild Bill and the rest in them books; they yelled +and howled and hadn't no regard for life and property any more'n he +had. No, sir! He wa'n't no crazier'n they was; it was in the +breed, I judged. + +"'I sure wish I had you on the ranch, Grace,' says he. 'Why don't +you come West some day? That's where a hero like you would show up +strong.' + +"'Godfrey mighty!' I sings out. 'I wouldn't come nigh such a nest +of crazy murderers as that fur no money! I'd sooner ride in that +automobile of yours, and St. Peter himself couldn't coax me into +THAT again, not if 'twas fur a cruise plumb up the middle of the +golden street!' + +"I meant it, too, and the next afternoon when it come time to start +for home he found out that I meant it. We'd shot a lot of ducks, +and Billings was havin' such a good time that I had to coax and +tease him as if he was a young one afore he'd think of quittin'. +It was quarter of six when he backed the gas cart out of the shed. +I was uneasy, 'cause 'twas past low-water time, and there was fog +comin' on. + +"'Brace up, Dewey!' says he. 'Get in.' + +"'No, Mr. Billings,' says I. 'I ain't goin' to get in. You take +that craft of yourn home, and I'll sail up alongside in my dory.' + +"'In your which?' says he. + +"'In my dory,' I says. 'That's her hauled up on the beach abreast +the shanty.' + +"He looked at the dory and then at me. + +"'Go on!' says he. 'You ain't goin' to pack yourself twelve mile +on THAT SHINGLE?' + +"'Sartin I am! says I. 'I ain't takin' no more chances.' + +"Do you know, he actually seemed to think I was crazy then. Seemed +to figger that the dory wa'n't big enough; and she's carried five +easy afore now. We had an argument that lasted twenty minutes +more, and the fog driftin' in nigher all the time. At last he got +sick of arguin', ripped out somethin' brisk and personal, and got +his tin shop to movin'. + +"'You want to cross over to the ocean side,' I called after him. +'The Cut-through's been dredged at the bay end, remember.' + +"'Be hanged!' he yells, or more emphatic. And off he whizzed. I +see him go, and fetched a long breath. Thanks to a merciful +Providence, I'd come so fur without bein' buttered on the +undercrust of that automobile or scalped with its crazy shover's +bowie knife. + +"Ten minutes later I was beatin' out into the bay in my dory. All +around was the fog, thin as poorhouse gruel so fur, but thickenin' +every minute. I was worried; not for myself, you understand, but +for that cowboy shover. I was afraid he wouldn't fetch t'other +side of the Cut-through. There wa'n't much wind, and I had to make +long tacks. I took the inshore channel, and kept listenin' all the +time. And at last, when 'twas pretty dark and I was cal'latin' to +be about abreast of the bay end of the Cut-through, I heard from +somewheres ashore a dismal honkin' kind of noise, same as a wild +goose might make if 'twas chokin' to death and not resigned to the +worst. + +"'My land!' says I. 'It's happened!' And I come about and headed +straight in for the beach. I struck it just alongside the gov'ment +shanty. The engineers had knocked off work for the week, waitin' +for supplies, but they hadn't took away their dunnage. + +"'Hi!' I yells, as I hauled up the dory. 'Hi-i-i! Billings, where +be you?' + +"The honkin' stopped and back comes the answer; there was joy in +it. + +"'What? Is that Cap'n Stitt?' + +"'Yes,' I sings out. 'Where be you?' + +"'I'm stuck out here in the middle of the crick. And there's a +flood on. Help me, can't you?' + +"Next minute I was aboard the dory, rowin' her against the tide up +the channel. Pretty quick I got where I could see him through the +fog and dark. The auto was on the flat in the middle of the Cut- +through, and the water was hub high already. Billings was standin' +up on the for'ard thwart, makin' wet footmarks all over them +expensive cushions. + +"'Lord,' says he, 'I sure am glad to see you, pard! Can we get to +land, do you think?' + +"'Land?' says I, makin' the dory fast alongside and hoppin' out +into the drink. ''Course we can land! What's the matter with your +old derelict? Sprung a leak, has it?' + +"He went on to explain that the automobile had broke down when he +struck the flat, and he couldn't get no farther. He'd been honkin' +and howlin' for ten year at least, so he reckoned. + +"'Why in time,' says I, 'didn't you mind me and go up the ocean +side? And why in nation didn't you go ashore and-- But never mind +that now. Let me think. Here! You set where you be.' + +"As I shoved off in the dory again he turned loose a distress +signal. + +"'Where you goin'?' he yells. 'Say, pard, you ain't goin' to leave +me here, are you?' + +"'I'll be back in a shake,' says I, layin' to my oars. 'Don't +holler so! You'll have the life-savers down here, and then the +joke'll be on us. Hush, can't you? I'll be right back!' + +"I rowed up channel a little ways, and then I sighted the place I +was bound for. Them gov'ment folks had another shanty farther up +the Cut-through. Moored out in front of it was a couple of big +floats, for their stone sloops to tie up to at high water. The +floats were made of empty kerosene barrels and planks, and they'd +have held up a house easy. I run alongside the fust one, cut the +anchor cable with my jackknife, and next minute I was navigatin' +that float down channel, steerin' it with my oar and towin' the +dory astern. + +"'Twas no slouch of a job, pilotin' that big float, but part by +steerin' and part by polin' I managed to land her broadside on to +the auto. I made her fast with the cable ends and went back after +the other float. This one was a bigger job than the fust, but by +and by that gas wagon, with planks under her and cable lashin's +holdin' her firm, was restin' easy as a settin' hen between them +two floats. I unshipped my mast, fetched it aboard the nighest +float, and spread the sail over the biggest part of the brasswork +and upholstery. + +"'There,' says I, 'if it rains durin' the night she'll keep pretty +dry. Now I'll take the dory and row back to the shanty after some +spare anchors there is there.' + +"'But what's it fur, pard?' asks Billings for the nine hundred and +ninety-ninth time. 'Why don't we go where it's dry? The flood's +risin' all the time.' + +"'Let it rise,' I says. 'I cal'late when it gets high enough them +floats'll rise with it and lift the automobile up, too. If she's +anchored bow and stern she'll hold, unless it comes on to blow a +gale, and to-morrow mornin' at low tide maybe you can tinker her up +so she'll go.' + +"'Go?' says he, like he was astonished. 'Do you mean to say you're +reckonin' to save the CAR?' + +"'Good land!' I says, starin' at him. 'What else d'you s'pose? +Think I'd let seventy-five hundred dollars' wuth of gilt-edged +extravagance go to the bottom? What did you cal'late I was tryin' +to save--the clam flat? Give me that dory rope; I'm goin' after +them anchors. Sufferin' snakes! Where IS the dory? What have you +done with it?' + +"He'd been holdin' the bight of the dory rodin'. I handed it to +him so's he'd have somethin' to take up his mind. And, by time, +he'd forgot all about it and let it drop! And the dory had gone +adrift and was out of sight. + +"'Gosh!' says he, astonished-like. 'Pard, the son of a gun has +slipped his halter!' + +"I was pretty mad--dories don't grow on every beach plum bush--but +there wa'n't nothin' to say that fitted the case, so I didn't try. + +"'Humph!' says I. 'Well, I'll have to swim ashore, that's all, and +go up to the station inlet after another boat. You stand by the +ship. If she gets afloat afore I come back you honk and holler and +I'll row after you. I'll fetch the anchors and we'll moor her +wherever she happens to be. If she shouldn't float on an even +keel, or goes to capsize, you jump overboard and swim ashore. +I'll--' + +"'Swim?' says he, with a shake in his voice. 'Why, pard, I can't +swim!' + +"I turned and looked at him. Shover of a two-mile-a-minute gold- +plated butcher cart like that, a cowboy murderer that et his +friends for breakfast--and couldn't swim! I fetched a kind of +combination groan and sigh, turned back the sail, climbed aboard +the automobile, and lit up my pipe. + +"'What are you settin' there for?' says he. 'What are you goin' to +do?' + +"'Do?' says I. 'Wait, that's all--wait and smoke. We won't have +to wait long.' + +"My prophesyin' was good. We didn't have to wait very long. It +was pitch dark, foggy as ever, and the tide a-risin' fast. The +floats got to be a-wash. I shinned out onto 'em, picked up the oar +that had been left there, and took my seat again. Billings climbed +in, too, only--and it kind of shows the change sence the previous +evenin'--he was in the passenger cockpit astern, and I was for'ard +in the pilot house. For a reckless daredevil he was actin' mighty +fidgety. + +"And at last one of the floats swung off the sand. The automobile +tipped scandalous. It looked as if we was goin' on our beam ends. +Billings let out an awful yell. Then t'other float bobbed up and +the whole shebang, car and all, drifted out and down the channel. + +"My lashin's held--I cal'lated they would. Soon's I was sure of +that I grabbed up the oar and shoved it over the stern between the +floats. I hoped I could round her to after we passed the mouth of +the Cut-through, and make port on the inside beach. But not in +that tide. Inside of five minutes I see 'twas no use; we was bound +across the bay. + +"And now commenced a v'yage that beat any ever took sence Noah's +time, I cal'late; and even Noah never went to sea in an automobile, +though the one animal I had along was as much trouble as his whole +menagerie. Billings was howlin' blue murder. + +"'Stop that bellerin'!' I ordered. 'Quit it, d'you hear! You'll +have the station crew out after us, and they'll guy me till I can't +rest. Shut up! If you don't, I'll--I'll swim ashore and leave +you.' + +"I was takin' big chances, as I look at it now. He might have +drawed a bowie knife or a lasso on me; 'cordin' to his yarns he'd +butchered folks for a good sight less'n that. But he kept quiet +this time, only gurglin' some when the ark tilted. I had time to +think of another idee. You remember the dory sail, mast and all, +was alongside that cart. I clewed up the canvas well as I could +and managed to lash the mast up straight over the auto's bows. +Then I shook out the sail. + +"'Here!' says I, turnin' to Billings. 'You hang on to that sheet. +No, you needn't nuther. Make it fast to that cleat alongside.' + +"I couldn't see his face plain, but his voice had a funny tremble +to it; reminded me of my own when I climbed out of that very cart +after he'd jounced me down to Setuckit the day before. + +"'What?' he says. 'Wh-what? What sheet? I don't see any sheet. +What do you want me to do?' + +"'Tie this line to that cleat. That cleat there! CLEAT, you +lubber! CLEAT! That knob! MAKE IT FAST! Oh, my gosh t'mighty! +Get out of my way!' + +"The critter had tied the sheet to the handle of the door instead +of the one I meant, and the pull of the sail hauled the door open +and pretty nigh ripped it off the hinges. I had to climb into the +cockpit and straighten out the mess. I was losin' my temper; I do +hate bunglin' seamanship aboard a craft of mine. + +"'But what'll become of us?' begs Billings. 'Will we drown?' + +"'What in tunket do we want to drown for? Ain't we got a good +sailin' breeze and the whole bay to stay on top of--fifty foot of +water and more?' + +"'Fifty foot!' he yells. 'Is there fifty foot of water underneath +us now? Pard, you don't mean it!' + +"'Course I mean it. Good thing, too!' + +"'But fifty foot! It's enough to drown in ten times over!' + +"'Can't drown but once, can you? And I'd just as soon drown in +fifty foot as four--ruther, 'cause 'twouldn't take so long.' + +"He didn't answer out loud; but I heard him talkin' to himself +pretty constant. + +"We was well out in the bay by now, and the seas was a little mite +more rugged--nothin' to hurt, you understand, but the floats was +all foam, and once in a while we'd ship a little spray. And every +time that happened Billings would jump and grab for somethin' +solid--sometimes 'twas the upholstery and sometimes 'twas me. He +wa'n't on the thwart, but down in a heap on the cockpit floor. + +"'Let go of my leg!' I sings out, after we'd hit a high wave and +that shover had made a more'n ordinary savage claw at my +underpinnin'. 'You make me nervous. Drat this everlastin' fog! +somethin'll bump into us if we don't look out. Here, you go +for'ard and light them cruisin' lights. They ain't colored +'cordin' to regulations, but they'll have to do. Go for'ard! What +you waitin' for?' + +"Well, it turned out that he didn't like to leave that cockpit. I +was mad. + +"'Go for'ard there and light them lights!' I yelled, hangin' to the +steerin' oar and keepin' the ark runnin' afore the wind. + +"'I won't!' he says, loud and emphatic. 'Think I'm a blame fool? +I sure would be a jack rabbit to climb over them seats the way +they're buckin' and light them lamps. You're talkin' through your +hat!' + +"Well, I hadn't no business to do it, but, you see, I was on salt +water, and skipper, as you might say, of the junk we was afloat in; +and if there's one thing I never would stand it's mutiny. I hauled +in the oar, jumped over the cockpit rail, and went for him. He see +me comin', stood up, tried to get out of the way, and fell +overboard backwards. Part of him lit on one of the floats, but the +biggest part trailed in the water between the two. He clawed with +his hands, but the planks was slippery, and he slid astern fast. +Just as he reached the last plank and slid off and under I jumped +after him and got him by the scruff of the neck. I had hold of the +lashin' end with one hand, and we tailed out behind the ark, which +was sloppin' along, graceful as an elephant on skates. + +"I was pretty well beat out when I yanked him into that cockpit +again. Neither of us said anything for a spell, breath bein' +scurce as di'monds. But when he'd collected some of his, he spoke. + +"'Pard,' he says, puffin', 'I'm much obleeged to you. I reckon I +sure ain't treated you right. If it hadn't been for you that time +I'd--' + +"But I was b'ilin' over. I whirled on him like a teetotum. + +"'Drat your hide!' I says. 'When you speak to your officer you say +sir! And now you go for'ard and light them lights. Don't you +answer back! If you do I'll fix you so's you'll never ship aboard +another vessel! For'ard there! Lively, you lubber, lively!' + +"He went for'ard, takin' consider'ble time and hangin' on for dear +life. But somehow or 'nuther he got the lights to goin'; and all +the time I hazed him terrible. I was mate on an Australian packet +afore I went fishin' to the Banks, and I can haze some. I +blackguarded that shover awful. + +"'Ripperty-rip your everlastin' blankety-blanked dough head!' I +roared at him. 'You ain't wuth the weight to sink you. For'ard +there and get that fog horn to goin'! And keep it goin'! Lively, +you sculpin! Don't you open your mouth to me!' + +"Well, all night we sloshed along, straight acrost the bay. We +must have been a curious sight to look at. The floats was awash, +so that the automobile looked like she was ridin' the waves all by +her lonesome; the lamps was blazin' at either side of the bow; +Billings was a-tootin' the rubber fog horn as if he was wound up; +and I was standin' on the cushions amidships, keepin' the whole +calabash afore the wind. + +"We never met another craft the whole night through. Yes, we did +meet one. Old Ezra Cahoon, of Harniss, was out in his dory +stealin' quahaugs from Seth Andrews's bed over nigh the Wapatomac +shore. Ezra stayed long enough to get one good glimpse of us as we +bust through the fog; then he cut his rodin' and laid to his oars, +bound for home and mother. We could hear him screech for half an +hour after he left us. + +"Ez told next day that the devil had come ridin' acrost the bay +after him in a chariot of fire. Said he could smell the brimstone +and hear the trumpet callin' him to judgment. Likewise he hove in +a lot of particulars concernin' the personal appearance of the Old +Boy himself, who, he said, was standin' up wavin' a red-hot +pitchfork. Some folks might have been flattered at bein' took for +such a famous character; but I wa'n't; I'm retirin' by nature, and +besides, Ez's description wa'n't cal'lated to bust a body's vanity +b'iler. I was prouder of the consequences, the same bein' that +Ezra signed the Good Templars' pledge that afternoon, and kept it +for three whole months, just sixty-nine days longer than any +previous attack within the memory of man had lasted. + +"And finally, just as mornin' was breakin', the bows of the floats +slid easy and slick up on a hard, sandy beach. Then the sun riz +and the fog lifted, and there we was within sight of the South +Ostable meetin'-house. We'd sailed eighteen miles in that ark and +made a better landin' blindfold than we ever could have made on +purpose. + +"I hauled down the sail, unshipped the mast, and jumped ashore to +find a rock big enough to use for a makeshift anchor. It wa'n't +more'n three minutes after we fust struck afore my boots hit dry +ground, but Billings beat me one hundred and seventy seconds, at +that. When I had time to look at that shover man he was a cable's +length from high-tide mark, settin' down and grippin' a bunch of +beach grass as if he was afeard the sand was goin' to slide from +under him; and you never seen a yallerer, more upset critter in +your born days. + +"Well, I got the ark anchored, after a fashion, and then we walked +up to the South Ostable tavern. Peleg Small, who runs the place, +he knows me, so he let me have a room and I turned in for a nap. I +slept about three hours. When I woke up I started out to hunt the +automobile and Billings. Both of 'em looked consider'ble better +than they had when I see 'em last. The shover had got a gang of +men and they'd got the gas cart ashore, and Billings and a +blacksmith was workin' over--or rather under--the clockwork. + +"'Hello!' I hails, comin' alongside. + +"Billings sticks his head out from under the tinware. + +"'Hi, pard!' says he. I noticed he hadn't called me 'Grace' nor +'Dewey' for a long spell. Hi, pard,' he says, gettin' to his feet, +'the old gal ain't hurt a hair. She'll be good as ever in a couple +of hours. Then you and me can start for Orham.' + +"'In HER?' says I. + +"'Sure,' he says. + +"'Not by a jugful!' says I, emphatic. 'I'll borrer a boat to get +to Orham in, when I'm ready to go. You won't ketch me in that man +killer again; and you can call me a coward all you want to!' + +"'A coward?' says he. 'You a coward? And-- Why, you was in that +car all night!' + +"'Oh!' I says. 'Last night was diff'rent. The thing was on water +then, and when I've got enough water underneath me I know I'm +safe.' + +"'Safe!' he sings out. 'SAFE! Well, by--gosh! Pard, I hate to +say it, but it's the Lord's truth--you had me doin' my "Now I lay +me's"!' + +"For a minute we looked at each other. Then says I, sort of +thinkin' out loud, 'I cal'late,' I says, 'that whether a man's +brave or not depends consider'ble on whether he's used to his +latitude. It's all accordin'. It lays in the bringin' up, as the +duck said when the hen tried to swim.' + +"He nodded solemn. 'Pard,' says he, 'I sure reckon you've called +the turn. Let's shake hands on it.' + +"So we shook; and . . ." + +Captain Bailey stopped short and sprang from his chair. "There's +my train comin'," he shouted. "Good-by, Sol! So long, Barzilla! +Keep away from fortune tellers and pretty servant girls or YOU'LL +be gettin' married pretty soon. Good-by." + +He darted out of the waiting room and his companions followed. Mr. +Wingate, having a few final calls to make, left the station soon +afterwards and did not return until evening. And that evening he +heard news which surprised him. + +As he and Captain Sol were exchanging a last handshake on the +platform, Barzilla said: + +"Well, Sol, I've enjoyed loafin' around here and yarnin' with you, +same as I always do. I'll be over again in a month or so and we'll +have some more." + +The Captain shook his head. "I may not be here then, Barzilla," he +observed. + +"May not be here? What do you mean by that?" + +"I mean that I don't know exactly where I shall be. I shan't be +depot master, anyway." + +"Shan't be depot master? YOU won't? Why, what on airth--" + +"I sent in my resignation four days ago. Nobody knows it, except +you, not even Issy, but the new depot master for East Harniss will +be here to take my place on the mornin' of the twelfth, that's two +days off." + +"Why! Why! SOL!" + +"Yes. Keep mum about it. I'll--I'll let you know what I decide to +do. I ain't settled it myself yet. Good-by, Barzilla." + + +CHAPTER XVII + +ISSY'S REVENGE + + +The following morning, at nine o'clock, Issy McKay sat upon the +heap of rusty chain cable outside the blacksmith's shop at Denboro, +reading, as usual, a love story. Issy was taking a "day off." He +had begged permission of Captain Sol Berry, the permission had been +granted, and Issy had come over to Denboro, the village eight miles +above East Harniss, in his "power dory," or gasoline boat, the Lady +May. The Lady May was a relic of the time before Issy was +assistant depot master, when he gained a precarious living by +quahauging, separating the reluctant bivalve from its muddy house +on the bay bottom with an iron rake, the handle of which was forty +feet long. Issy had been seized with a desire to try quahauging +once more, hence his holiday. The rake was broken and he had put +in at Denboro to have it fixed. While the blacksmith was busy, +Issy laboriously spelled out the harrowing chapters of "Vivian, the +Shop Girl; or Lord Lyndhurst's Lowly Love." + +A grinning, freckled face peered cautiously around the corner of +the blacksmith's front fence. Then an overripe potato whizzed +through the air and burst against the shop wall a few inches from +the reader's head. Issy jumped. + +"You--you everlastin' young ones, you!" he shouted fiercely. "If I +git my hands onto you, you'll wish you'd--I see you hidin' behind +that fence." + +Two barefooted little figures danced provokingly in the roadway and +two shrill voices chanted in derision: + + + "Is McKay--Is McKay-- + Makes the Injuns run away! + + +Scalped anybody lately, Issy? + +Alas for the indiscretions of youth! The tale of Issy's early +expedition in search of scalps and glory was known from one end of +Ostable County to the other. It had made him famous, in a way. + +"If I git a-holt of you kids, I'll bet there'll be some scalpin' +done," retorted the persecuted one, rising from the heap of cable. + +A second potato burst like a bombshell on the shingles behind him. +McKay was a good general, in that he knew when it was wisest to +retreat. Shoving the paper novel into his overalls pocket, he +entered the shop. + +"What's the matter, Is?" inquired the grinning blacksmith. Most +people grinned when they spoke to Issy. "Gittin' too hot outside +there, was it? Why don't you tomahawk 'em and have 'em for +supper?" + +"Humph!" grunted the offended quahauger. "Don't git gay now, Jake +Larkin. You hurry up with that rake." + +"Oh, all right, Is. Don't sculp ME; I ain't done nothin'. What's +the news over to East Harniss?" + +"Oh, I don't know. Not much. Sam Bartlett, he started for Boston +this mornin'." + +"Who? Sam Bartlett? I want to know! Thought he was down for six +weeks. You sure about that, Is?" + +"Course I'm sure. I was up to the depot and see him buy his ticket +and git on the cars." + +"Did, hey? Humph! So Sam's gone. Gertie Higgins still over to +her Aunt Hannah's at Trumet?" + +Issy looked at his questioner. "Why, yes," he said suspiciously. +"I s'pose she's there. Fact, I know she is. Pat Starkey's doin' +the telegraphin' while she's away. What made you ask that?" + +The blacksmith chuckled. "Oh, nothin'," he said. "How's her dad's +dyspepsy? Had any more of them sudden attacks of his? I cal'late +they'll take the old man off some of these days, won't they? I +hear the doctor thinks there's more heart than stomach in them +attacks." + +But the skipper of the Lady May was not to be put off thus. "What +you drivin' at, Jake?" he demanded. "What's Sam Bartlett's goin' +away got to do with Gertie Higgins?" + +In his eagerness he stepped to Mr. Larkin's side. The blacksmith +caught sight of the novel in his customer's pocket. He snatched it +forth. + +"What you readin' now, Is?" he demanded. "More blood and +brimstone? 'Vivy Ann, the Shop Girl!' Gee! Wow!" + +"You gimme that book, Jake Larkin! Gimme it now!" + +Fending the frantic quahauger off with one mighty arm, the +blacksmith proceeded to read aloud: + +"'Darlin',' cried Lord Lyndhurst, strainin' the beautiful and +blushin' maid to his manly bosom, 'you are mine at last. Mine! +No--' Jerushy! a love story! Why, Issy! I didn't know you was in +love. Who's the lucky girl? Send me an invite to your weddin', +won't you?" + +Issy's face was a fiery red. He tore the precious volume from its +desecrator's hand, losing the pictured cover in the struggle. + +"You--you pesky fool!" he shouted. "You mind your own business." + +The blacksmith roared in glee. "Oh, ho!" he cried. "Issy's in +love and I never guessed it. Aw, say, Is, don't be mean! Who is +she? Have you strained her to your manly bosom yit? What's her +name?" + +"Shut up!" shrieked Issy, and strode out of the shop. His +tormentor begged him not to "go off mad," and shouted sarcastic +sympathy after him. But Mr. McKay heeded not. He stalked angrily +along the sidewalk. Then espying just ahead of him the boys who +had thrown the potatoes, he paused, turned, and walking down the +carriageway at the side of the blacksmith's place of business, sat +down upon a sawhorse under one of its rear windows. He could, at +least, be alone here and think; and he wanted to think. + +For Issy--although he didn't look it--was deeply interested in +another love story as well as that in his pocket. This one was +printed upon his heart's pages, and in it he was the hero, while +the heroine--the unsuspecting heroine--was Gertie Higgins, daughter +of Beriah Higgins, once a fisherman, now the crotchety and +dyspeptic proprietor of the "general store" and postmaster at East +Harniss. + +This story began when Issy first acquired the Lady May. The +Higgins home stood on the slope close to the boat landing, and when +Issy came in from quahauging, Gertie was likely to be in the back +yard, hanging out the clothes or watering the flower garden. +Sometimes she spoke to him of her own accord, concerning the +weather or other important topics. Once she even asked him if he +were going to the Fourth of July ball at the town-hall. It took +him until the next morning--like other warriors, Issy was cursed +with shyness--to summon courage enough to ask her to go to the ball +with him. Then he found it was too late; she was going with her +cousin, Lennie Bloomer. But he felt that she had offered him the +opportunity, and was happy and hopeful accordingly. + +This, however, was before she went to Boston to study telegraphy. +When she returned, with a picture hat and a Boston accent, it was +to preside at the telegraph instrument in the little room adjoining +the post office at her father's store. When Issy bowed blushingly +outside the window of the telegraph room, he received only the +airiest of frigid nods. Was there what Lord Lyndhurst would have +called "another"? It would seem not. Old Mr. Higgins, her father, +encouraged no bows nor attentions from young men, and Gertie +herself did not appear to desire them. So Issy gave up his tales +of savage butchery for those of love and blisses, adored in +silence, and hoped--always hoped. + +But why had the blacksmith seemed surprised at the departure of Sam +Bartlett, the "dudey" vacationist from the city, whose father had, +years ago, been Beriah Higgins's partner in the fish business? And +why had he coupled the Bartlett name with that of Gertie, who had +been visiting her father's maiden sister at Trumet, the village +next below East Harniss, as Denboro is the next above it? Issy's +suspicions were aroused, and he wondered. + +Suddenly he heard voices in the shop above him. The window was +open and he heard them plainly. + +"Well! WELL!" It was the blacksmith who uttered the exclamation. +"Why, Bartlett, how be you? What you doin' over here? Thought +you'd gone back to Boston. I heard you had." + +Slowly, cautiously, the astonished quahauger rose from the sawhorse +and peered over the window sill. There were two visitors in the +shop. One was Ed Burns, proprietor of the Denboro Hotel and livery +stable. The other was Sam Bartlett, the very same who had left +East Harniss that morning, bound, ostensibly, for Boston. Issy +sank back again and listened. + +"Yes, yes!" he heard Sam say impatiently; "I know, but--see here, +Jake, where can I hire a horse in this God-forsaken town?" + +"Well, well, Sam!" continued Larkin. "I was just figurin' that +Beriah had got the best of you after all, and you'd had to give it +up for this time. Thinks I, it's too bad! Just because your dad +and Beriah Higgins had such a deuce of a row when they bust up in +the fish trade, it's a shame that he won't hark to your keepin' +comp'ny with Gertie. And you doin' so well; makin' twenty dollars +a week up to the city--Ed told me that--and--" + +"Yes, yes! But never mind that. Where can I get a horse? I've +got to be in Trumet by eight to-night sure." + +"Trumet? Why, that's where Gertie is, ain't it?" + +"Look a-here, Jake," broke in the livery-stable keeper. "I'll tell +you how 'tis. Oh, it's all right, Sam! Jake knows the most of it; +I told him. He can keep his mouth shut, and he don't like old +crank Higgins any better'n you and me do. Jake, Sam here and +Gertie had fixed it up to run off and git married to-night. He was +to pretend to start for Boston this mornin'. Bought a ticket and +all, so's to throw Beriah off the scent. He was to get off the +train here at Denboro and I was to let him have a horse 'n' buggy. +Then, this afternoon, he was goin' to drive through the wood roads +around to Trumet and be at the Baptist Church there at eight to- +night sharp. Gertie's Aunt Hannah, she's had her orders, and bein' +as big a crank as her brother, she don't let the girl out of her +sight. But there's a fair at the church and Auntie's tendin' a +table. Gertie, she steps out to the cloak room to git a +handkerchief which she's forgot; see? And she hops into Sam's +buggy and away they go to the minister's. After they're once +hitched Old Dyspepsy can go to pot and see the kittle bile." + +"Bully! By gum, that's fine! Won't Beriah rip some, hey?" + +"Yes, but there's the dickens to pay. I've only got two horses in +the stable to-day. The rest are let. And the two I've got--one's +old Bill, and he couldn't go twenty mile to save his hide. And +t'other's the gray mare, and blamed if she didn't git cast last +night and use up her off hind leg so's she can't step. And Sam's +GOT to have a horse. Where can I git one?" + +"Hum! Have you tried Haynes's?" + +"Yes, yes! And Lathrop's and Eldredge's. Can't git a team for +love nor money." + +"Sho! And he can't go by train?" + +"What? With Beriah postmaster at East Harniss and always nosin' +through every train that stops there? You can't fetch Trumet by +train without stoppin' at East Harniss and-- What was that?" + +"I don't know. What was it?" + +"Sounded like somethin' outside that back winder." + +The two ran to the window and looked out. All they saw was an +overturned sawhorse and two or three hens scratching vigorously. + +"Guess 'twas the chickens, most likely," observed the blacksmith. +Then, striking his blackened palms together, he exclaimed: + +"By time! I've thought of somethin'! Is McKay is in town to-day. +Come over in the Lady May. She's a gasoline boat. Is would take +Sam to Trumet for two or three dollars, I'll bet. And he's such a +fool head that he wouldn't ask questions nor suspicion nothin'. +'Twould be faster'n a horse and enough sight less risky." + +And just then the "fool head," his brain whirling under its carroty +thatch, was hurrying blindly up the main street, bound somewhere, +he wasn't certain where. + +A mushy apple exploded between his shoulders, but he did not even +turn around. So THIS was what the blacksmith meant! This was why +Mr. Higgins watched his daughter so closely. This was why Gertie +had been sent off to Trumet. She had met the Bartlett miscreant in +Boston; they had been together there; had fallen in love and-- He +gritted his teeth and shook his fists almost in the face of old +Deacon Pratt, who, knowing the McKay penchant for slaughter, had +serious thoughts of sending for the constable. + +Beriah Higgins must be warned, of course, but how? To telegraph +was to put Pat Starkey in possession of the secret, and Pat was too +good a friend of Gertie's to be trusted. There was no telephone at +the store. Issy entered the combination grocery store and post +office. + +"Has the down mail closed yet?" he panted. + +The postmaster looked out of his little window. + +"Yes," he replied. "Why? Got a letter you want to go? Take it up +to the depot. The train's due, but 'tain't here yit. If you run +you can make it." + +Issy took a card from his pocket. It was the business card of the +firm to whom he sold his quahaugs. On the back of the card he +wrote in pencil as follows: + +"Mr. Beriah Higgins, your daughter Gertrude is going to meet Sam'l +Bartlett at the Baptist Church in Trumet at 8 P.M. to-night and get +married to him. LOOK OUT!!!" + +After an instant's consideration he signed it "A True Friend," this +being in emulation of certain heroes of the Deadwood Dick variety. +Then he put the card into an envelope and ran at top speed to the +railway station. The train came in as he reached the platform. +The baggage master was standing in the door of his car. + +"Here, mister!" panted Issy. "Jest hand this letter to Beriah +Higgins when he takes the mail bag at East Harniss, won't you? +It's mighty important. Don't forgit. Thanks." + +The train moved off. Issy stared after it, grinning malevolently. +Higgins would get that note in ample time to send word to the +watchful Aunt Hannah. When the unsuspecting eloper reached the +Trumet church, it would be the aunt, not the niece, who awaited +him. Still grinning, Mr. McKay walked off the platform, and into +the arms of Ed Burns, the stable keeper, and Sam Bartlett, his +loathed and favored rival. + +"Here he is!" shouted Burns. "Now we've got him." + +The foiler of the plot turned pale. Was his secret discovered? +But no; his captors began talking eagerly, and gradually the sense +of their pleadings became plain. They wanted him--HIM, of all +people--to convey Bartlett to Trumet in the Lady May. + +"You see, it's a business meetin'," urged Burns. "Sam's got to be +there by ha'f past seven or he'll--he won't win on the deal, will +you, Sam? Say yes, Issy; that's a good feller. He'll give you--I +don't know's he won't give you five dollars." + +"Ten," cried Bartlett. "And I'll never forget it, either. Will +you, Is?" + +A mighty "No!" was trembling on Issy's tongue. But before it was +uttered Burns spoke again. + +"McKay's got the best boat in these parts," he urged. "She's got a +tiptop engine in her, and--" + +The word "engine" dropped into the whirlpool of Issy's thoughts +with a familiar sound. In the chapter of "Vivian" that he had just +finished, the beautiful shopgirl was imprisoned on board the yacht +of the millionaire kidnaper, while the hero, in his own yacht, was +miles astern. But the hero's faithful friend, disguised as a +stoker, was tampering with the villain's engine. A vague idea +began to form in Issy's brain. Once get the would-be eloper aboard +the Lady May, and, even though the warning note should remain +undelivered, he-- + +Issy smiled, and the ghastliness of that smile was unnoticed by his +companions. + +"I--I'll do it," he cried. "By mighty! I WILL do it. You be at +the wharf here at four o'clock. I wouldn't do it for everybody, +Sam Bartlett, but for you I'd do consider'ble, just now. And I +don't want your ten dollars nuther." + + +Doctoring an engine may be easy enough--in stories. But to doctor +a gasoline engine so that it will run for a certain length of time +and THEN break down is not so easy. Three o'clock came and the +problem was still unsolved. Issy, the perspiration running down +his face, stood up in the Lady May's cockpit and looked out across +the bay, smooth and glassy in the afternoon sun. + +The sky overhead was clear and blue, but along the eastern and +southern horizon was a gray bank of cloud, heaped in tumbled +masses. + +A sunburned lobsterman in rubber boots and a sou'wester was smoking +on the wharf. + +"What time you goin' to start for home, Is?" he asked. + +"Oh, in an hour or so," was the absent-minded reply. + +"Humph! You'd better cast off afore that or you'll be fog bound. +It'll be thicker'n dock mud toward sundown, and you'll fetch up in +Waptomac 'stead of East Harniss, 'thout you've got a good compass." + +"Oh, my compass is all right," began Issy, and stopped short. The +lobsterman made other attempts at conversation, but they were +unproductive. McKay was gazing at the growing fog bank and +thinking hard. To doctor an engine may be difficult, but to get +lost in a fog-- He took the compass from the glass-lidded binnacle +by the wheel, and carrying it into the little cabin, placed it in +the cuddy forward. + +It was nearer five than four when the Lady May, her engine barking +aggressively, moved out of Denboro Harbor. Mr. Bartlett, the +passenger, had been on time and had fumed and fretted at the delay. +But Issy was deliberation itself. He had forgotten his quahaug +rake, and the lapse of memory entailed a trip to the blacksmith's. +Then the gasoline tank needed filling and the battery had to be +overhauled. + +"Are you sure you can make it?" queried Sam anxiously. "It's +important, I tell you. Mighty important." + +The skipper snorted in disgust. "Make it?" he repeated. "If the +Lady May can't make fourteen mile in two hours--let alone two'n a +ha'f--then I don't know her. She's one of them boats you read +about, she is." + +The Cape makes a wide bend between Denboro and Trumet. The +distance between these towns is twenty long, curved miles over the +road; by water it is reduced to a straight fourteen. And midway +between the two, at the center of the curve, is East Harniss. + +The Lady May coughed briskly on. There was no sea, and she sent +long, widening ripples from each side of her bow. Bartlett, +leaning over the rail, gazed impatiently ahead. Issy, sprawled on +the bench by the wheel, was muttering to himself. Occasionally he +glanced toward the east. The gray fog bank was now half way to the +zenith and approaching rapidly. The eastern shore had disappeared. + +"Is! Hi, Is! What are you doing? Don't kill him before my eyes." + +Issy came out of his trance with a start. + +"What--what's that?" he asked. His passenger was grinning broadly. + +"What? Kill who?" + +"Why, the big chief, or whoever you had under your knee just then. +You've been rolling your eyes and punching air with your fist for +the last five minutes. I was getting scared. You're an unmerciful +sinner when you get started, ain't you, Is? Who was the victim +that time? 'Man Afraid of Hot Water'? or who?" + +The skipper scowled. He shoved the fist into his pocket. + +"Naw," he growled. "'Twa'n't." + +"So? Not an Indian? Then it must have been a white man. Some +fellow after your girl, perhaps. Hey?" + +The disconcerted Issy was speechless. His companion's chance shot +had scored a bull's-eye. Sam whooped. + +"That's it!" he crowed. "Sure thing! Give it to him, Is! Don't +spare him." + +Mr. McKay chokingly admitted that he "wa'n't goin' to." + +"Ho, ho! That's the stuff! But who's SHE, Is? When are you going +to marry her?" + +Issy grunted spitefully. "You ain't married yourself--not yit," he +observed, with concealed sarcasm. + +The unsuspecting Bartlett laughed in triumph. "No," he said. "I'm +not, that's a fact; but maybe I'm going to be some of these days. +It looked pretty dubious for a while, but now it's all right." + +"'Tis, hey? You're sure about that, be you?" + +"Guess I am. Great Scott! what's that? Fog?" + +A damp breath blew across the boat. The clouds covered the sky +overhead and the bay to port. The fog was pouring like smoke +across the water. + +"Fog, by thunder!" exclaimed Bartlett. + +Issy smiled. "Hum! Yes, 'tis fog, ain't it?" he observed. + +"But what'll we do? It'll be here in a minute, won't it?" + +"Shouldn't be a mite surprised. Looks 's if twas here now." + +The fog came on. It reached the Lady May, passed over her, and +shut her within gray, wet walls. It was impossible to see a length +from her side. Sam swore emphatically. The skipper was +provokingly calm. He stepped to the engine, bent over it, and then +returned to the wheel. + +"What are you doing?" demanded Bartlett. + +"Slowin' down, of course. Can't run more'n ha'f speed in a fog +like this. 'Tain't safe." + +"Safe! What do I care? I want to get to Trumet." + +"Yes? Well, maybe we'll git there if we have luck." + +"You idiot! We've GOT to get there. How can you tell which way to +steer? Get your compass, man! get your compass!" + +"Ain't got no compass," was the sulky answer. Left it to home." + +"Why, no, you didn't. I--" + +"I tell you I did. 'Twas careless of me, I know, but--" + +"But I say you didn't. When you went uptown after that quahaug +rake I explored this craft of yours some. The compass is in that +little closet at the end of the cabin. I'll get it." + +He rose to his feet. Issy sprang forward and seized him by the +arm. + +"Set down!" he yelled. "Who's runnin' this boat, you or me?" + +The astounded passenger stared at his companion. + +"Why, you are," he replied. "But that's no reason-- What's the +matter with you, anyway? Have your dime novels driven you loony?" + +Issy hesitated. For a moment chagrin and rage at this sudden upset +of his schemes had gotten the better of his prudence. But Bartlett +was taller than he and broad in proportion. And valor--except of +the imaginative brand--was not Issy's strong point. + +"There, there, Sam!" he explained, smiling crookedly. "You mustn't +mind me. I'm sort of nervous, I guess. And you mustn't hop up and +down in a boat that way. You set still and I'll fetch the +compass." + +He stumbled across the cockpit and disappeared in the dusk of the +cabin. Finding that compass took a long time. Sam lost patience. + +"What's the matter?" he demanded. "Can't you find it? Shall I +come?" + +"No, no!" screamed Issy vehemently. "Stay where you be. Catch a- +holt of that wheel. We'll be spinnin' circles if you don't. I'm +a-comin'." + +But it was another five minutes before he emerged from the cabin, +carrying the compass box very carefully with both hands. He placed +it in the binnacle and closed the glass lid. + +"'Twas catched in a bluefish line," he explained. "All snarled up, +'twas." + +Sam peered through the glass at the compass. + +"Thunder!" he exclaimed. "I should say we had spun around. +Instead of north being off here where I thought it was, it's 'way +out to the right. Queer how fog'll mix a fellow up. Trumet's +about northeast, isn't it?" + +"No'theast by no'th's the course. Keep her just there." + +The Lady May, still at half speed, kept on through the mist. Time +passed. The twilight, made darker still by the fog, deepened. +They lit the lantern in order to see the compass card. Issy had +the wheel now. Sam was forward, keeping a lookout and fretting at +the delay. + +"It's seven o'clock already," he cried. "For Heaven's sake, how +late will you be? I've got to be there by quarter of eight. D'you +hear? I've GOT to." + +"Well, we're gittin' there. Can't expect to travel so fast with +part of the power off. You'll be where you're goin' full as soon +as you want to be, I cal'late." + +And he chuckled. + +Another half hour and, through the wet dimness, a light flashed, +vanished, and flashed again. Issy saw it and smiled grimly. +Bartlett saw it and shouted. + +"'What's that light?" he cried. "Did you see it? There it is, off +there." + +"I see it. There's a light at Trumet Neck, ain't there?" + +"Humph! It's been years since I was there, but I thought Trumet +light was steady. However--" + +"Ain't that the wharf ahead?" + +Sure enough, out of the dark loomed the bulk of a small wharf, with +catboats at anchor near it. Higher up, somewhere on the shore, +were the lighted windows of a building. + +"By thunder, we're here!" exclaimed Sam, and drew a long breath. + +Issy shut off the power altogether, and the Lady May slid easily up +to the wharf. Feverishly her skipper made her fast. + +"Yes, sir!" he cried exultantly. "We're here. And no Black Rover +nor anybody else ever done a better piece of steerin' than that, +nuther." + +He clambered over the stringpiece, right at the heels of his +impatient but grateful passenger. Sam's thanks were profuse and +sincere. + +"I'll never forget it, Is," he declared. "I'll never forget it. +And you'll have to let me pay you the-- What makes you shake so?" + +Issy pulled his arm away and stepped back. + +"I'll never forget it, Is," continued Sam. "I-- Why! What--?" + +He was standing at the shore end of the wharf, gazing up at the +lighted windows. They were those of a dwelling house--an old- +fashioned house with a back yard sloping down to the landing. + +And then Issy McKay leaned forward and spoke in his ear. + +"You bet you won't forgit it, Sam Bartlett!" he crowed, in +trembling but delicious triumph. "You bet you won't! I've fixed +you just the same as the Black Rover fixed the mutineers. Run off +with my girl, will ye? And marry her, will ye? I--" + +Sam interrupted him. "Why! WHY!" he cried. "That's--that's +Gertie's house! This isn't Trumet! IT'S EAST HARNISS! + +The next moment he was seized from behind. The skipper's arms were +around his waist and the skipper's thin legs twisted about his own. +They fell together upon the sand and, as they rolled and struggled, +Issy's yells rose loud and high. + +"Mr. Higgins!" he shrieked. "Mr. Higgins! Come on! I've got him! +I've got the feller that's tryin' to steal your daughter! Come on! +I've got him! I'm hangin' to him!" + +A door banged open. Some one rushed down the walk. And then a +girl's voice cried in alarm: + +"What is it? Who is it? What IS the matter?" + +And from the bundle of legs and arms on the ground two voices +exclaimed: "GERTIE!" + +"But where IS your father?" asked Sam. Issy asked nothing. He +merely sat still and listened. + +"Why, he's at Trumet. At least I suppose he is. Mrs. Jones--she's +gone to telephone to him now--says that he came home this morning +with one of those dreadful 'attacks' of his. And after dinner he +seemed so sick that, when she went for the doctor, she wired me at +Auntie's to come home. I didn't want to come--you know why--but I +COULDN'T let him die alone. And so I caught the three o'clock +train and came. I knew you'd forgive me. But it seems that when +Mrs. Jones came back with the doctor they found father up and +dressed and storming like a crazy man. He had received some sort +of a letter; he wouldn't say what. And, in spite of all they could +do, he insisted on going out. And Cap'n Berry--the depot master-- +says he went to Trumet on the afternoon freight. We must have +passed each other on the way. And I'm so-- But why are you HERE? +And what were you and Issy doing? And--" + +Her lover broke in eagerly. "Then you're alone now?" he asked. + +"Yes, but--" + +"Good! Your father can't get a train back from Trumet before to- +morrow morning. I don't know what this letter was--but never mind. +Perhaps friend McKay knows more about it. It may be that Mr. +Higgins is waiting now outside the Baptist church. Gertie, now's +our chance. You come with me right up to the minister's. He's a +friend of mine. He understands. He'll marry us, I know. Come! +We mustn't lose a minute. Your dad may take a notion to drive +back." + +He led her off up the lane, she protesting, he urging. At the +corner of the house he turned. + +"I say, Is!" he called. "Don't you want to come to the wedding? +Seems to me we owe you that, considering all you've done to help it +along. Or perhaps you want to stay and fix that compass of yours." + +Issy didn't answer. Some time after they had gone he arose from +the ground and stumbled home. That night he put a paper novel into +the stove. Next morning, before going to the depot, he removed an +iron spike from the Lady May's compass box. The needle swung back +to its proper position. + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +THE MOUNTAIN AND MAHOMET + + +The eleventh of July. The little Berry house stood high on its +joists and rollers, in the middle of the Hill Boulevard, directly +opposite the Edwards lot. Close behind it loomed the big +"Colonial." Another twenty-four hours, and, even at its one-horse +gait, the depot master's dwelling would be beyond the strip of +Edwards fence. The "Colonial" would be ready to move on the lot, +and Olive Edwards, the widow, would be obliged to leave her home. +In fact, Mr. Williams had notified her that she and her few +belongings must be off the premises by the afternoon of the +twelfth. + +The great Williams was in high good-humor. He chuckled as he +talked with his foreman, and the foreman chuckled in return. +Simeon Phinney did not chuckle. He was anxious and worried, and +even the news of Gertie Higgins's runaway marriage, brought to him +by Obed Gott, who--having been so recently the victim of another +unexpected matrimonial alliance--was wickedly happy over the +postmaster's discomfiture, did not interest him greatly. + +"Well, I wonder who'll be the next couple," speculated Obed. +"First Polena and old Hardee, then Gertie Higgins and Sam Bartlett! +I declare, Sim, gettin' married unbeknownst to anybody must be +catchin', like the measles. Nobody's safe unless they've got a +wife or husband livin'. Me and Sol Berry are old baches--we'd +better get vaccinated or WE may come down with the disease. Ho! +ho!" + +After dinner Mr. Phinney went from his home to the depot. Captain +Sol was sitting in the ticket office, with the door shut. On the +platform, forlornly sprawled upon the baggage truck, was Issy +McKay, the picture of desolation. He started nervously when he +heard Simeon's step. As yet Issy's part in the Bartlett-Higgins +episode was unknown to the townspeople. Sam and Gertie had +considerately kept silence. Beriah had not learned who sent him +the warning note, the unlucky missive which had brought his +troubles to a climax. But he was bound to learn it, he would find +out soon, and then-- No wonder Issy groaned. + +"Come in here, Sim," said the depot master. Phinney entered the +ticket office. + +"Shut the door," commanded the Captain. The order was obeyed. +"Well, what is it?" asked Berry. + +"Why, I just run in to see you a minute, Sol, that's all. What are +you shut up in here all alone for?" + +"'Cause I want to be alone. There's been more than a thousand +folks in this depot so far to-day, seems so, and they all wanted to +talk. I don't feel like talkin'." + +"Heard about Gertie Higgins and--" + +"Yes." + +"Who told you?" + +"Hiram Baker told me first. He's a fine feller and he's so +tickled, now that his youngster's 'most well, that he cruises +around spoutin' talk and joy same as a steamer's stack spouts +cinders. He told me. Then Obed Gott and Cornelius Rowe and Redny +Blount and Pat Starkey, and land knows how many more, came to tell +me. I cut 'em short. Why, even the Major himself condescended to +march in, grand and imposin' as a procession, to make proclamations +about love laughin' at locksmiths, and so on. Since he got Polena +and her bank account he's a bigger man than the President, in his +own estimate." + +"Humph! Well, he better make the best of it while it lasts. +P'lena ain't Hetty Green, and her money won't hold out forever." + +"That's a fact. Still Polena's got sense. She'll hold Hardee in +check, I cal'late. I wouldn't wonder if it ended by her bossin' +things and the Major actin' as a sort of pet poodle dog--nice and +pretty to walk out with, but always kept at the end of a string." + +"You didn't go to Higgins's for dinner to-day, did you?" + +"No. Nor I shan't go for supper. Beriah's bad enough when he's +got nothin' the matter with him but dyspepsy. Now that his +sufferin's are complicated with elopements, I don't want to eat +with him." + +"Come and have supper with us." + +"I guess not, thank you, Sim. I'll get some crackers and cheese +and such at the store. I--I ain't very hungry these days." + +He turned his head and looked out of the window. Simeon fidgeted. + +"Sol," he said, after a pause, "we'll be past Olive's by to-morrer +night." + +No answer. Sim repeated his remark. + +"I know it," was the short reply. + +"Yes--yes, I s'posed you did, but--" + +"Sim, don't bother me now. This is my last day here at the depot, +and I've got things to do." + +"Your last day? Why, what--?" + +Captain Sol told briefly of his resignation and of the coming of +the new depot master. + +"But you givin' up your job!" gasped Phinney. "YOU! Why, what +for?" + +"For instance, I guess. I ain't dependent on the wages, and I'm +sick of the whole thing." + +"But what'll you do?" + +"Don't know." + +"You--you won't leave town, will you? Lawsy mercy, I hope not!" + +"Don't know. Maybe I'll know better by and by. I've got to think +things out. Run along now, like a good feller. Don't say nothin' +about my quittin'. All hands'll know it to-morrow, and that's soon +enough." + +Simeon departed, his brain in a whirl. Captain Solomon Berry no +longer depot master! The world must be coming to an end. + +He remained at his work until supper time. During the meal he ate +and said so little that his wife wondered and asked questions. To +avoid answering them he hurried out. When he returned, about ten +o'clock, he was a changed man. His eyes shone and he fairly danced +with excitement. + +"Emeline!" he shouted, as he burst into the sitting room. "What do +you think? I've got the everlastin'est news to tell!" + +"Good or bad?" asked the practical Mrs. Phinney. + +"Good! So good that-- There! let me tell you. When I left here I +went down to the store and hung around till the mail was sorted. +Pat Starkey was doin' the sortin', Beriah bein' too upsot by +Gertie's gettin' married to attend to anything. Pat called me to +the mail window and handed me a letter. + +"'It's for Olive Edwards,' he says. 'She's been expectin' one for +a consider'ble spell, she told me, and maybe this is it. P'r'aps +you'd just as soon go round by her shop and leave it.' + +"I took the letter and looked at it. Up in one corner was the +printed name of an Omaha firm. I never said nothin', but I +sartinly hustled on my way up the hill. + +"Olive was in her little settin' room back of the shop. She was +pretty pale, and her eyes looked as if she hadn't been doin' much +sleepin' lately. Likewise I noticed--and it give me a queer +feelin' inside--that her trunk was standin', partly packed, in the +corner." + +"The poor woman!" exclaimed Mrs. Phinney. + +"Yes," went on her husband. "Well, I handed over the letter and +started to go, but she told me to set down and rest, 'cause I was +so out of breath. To tell you the truth, I was crazy to find out +what was in that envelope and, being as she'd give me the excuse, I +set. + +"She took the letter over to the lamp and looked at it for much as +a minute, as if she was afraid to open it. But at last, and with +her fingers shakin' like the palsy, she fetched a long breath and +tore off the end of the envelope. It was a pretty long letter, and +she read it through. I see her face gettin' whiter and whiter and, +when she reached the bottom of the last page, the letter fell onto +the floor. Down went her head on her arms, and she cried as if her +heart would break. I never felt so sorry for anybody in my life. + +"'Don't, Mrs. Edwards,' I says. 'Please don't. That cousin of +yours is a darn ungrateful scamp, and I'd like to have my claws on +his neck this minute.' + +"She never even asked me how I knew about the cousin. She was too +much upset for that. + +"'Oh! oh!' she sobs. 'What SHALL I do? Where shall I go? I +haven't got a friend in the world!' + +"I couldn't stand that. I went acrost and laid my hand on her +shoulder. + +"'Mrs. Edwards,' says I, 'you mustn't say that. You've got lots of +friends. I'm your friend. Mr. Hilton's your friend. Yes, and +there's another, the best friend of all. If it weren't for him, +you'd have been turned out into the street long before this.'" + +Mrs. Phinney nodded. "I'm glad you told her!" she exclaimed. +"She'd ought to know." + +"That's what I thought," said Simeon. + +"Well, she raised her head then and looked at me. + +"'You mean Mr. Williams?' she asks. + +"That riled me up. 'Williams nothin'!' says I. 'Williams let you +stay here 'cause he could just as well as not. If he'd known that +this other friend was keepin' him from gettin' here, just on your +account, he'd have chucked you to glory, promise or no promise. +But this friend, this real friend, he don't count cost, nor +trouble, nor inconvenience. Hikes his house--the house he lives +in--right out into the road, moves it to a place where he don't +want to go, and--' + +"'Mr. Phinney,' she sighs out, 'what do you mean?' + +"And then I told her. She listened without sayin' a word, but her +eyes kept gettin' brighter and brighter and she breathed short. + +"'Oh!' she says, when I'd finished. 'Did he--did he--do that for +ME?' + +"'You bet!' says I. 'He didn't tell me what he was doin' it for-- +that ain't Sol's style; but I'm arithmetiker enough to put two and +two together and make four. He did it for you, you can bet your +last red on that.' + +"She stood up. 'Oh!' she breathes. 'I--I must go and thank him. +I--' + +"But, knowin' Sol, I was afraid. Fust place, there was no tellin' +how he'd act, and, besides, he might not take it kindly that I'd +told her. + +"'Wait a jiffy,' I says. 'I'll go out and see if he's home. You +stay here. I'll be back right off.' + +"Out I put, and over to the Berry house, standin' on its rollers in +the middle of the Boulevard. And, just as I got to it, somebody +says: + +"'Ahoy, Sim! What's the hurry? Anybody on fire?' + +"'Twas the Cap'n himself, settin' on a pile of movin' joist and +smokin' as usual. I didn't waste no time. + +"'Sol,' says I, 'I've just come from Olive's. She's got that +letter from the Omaha man. Poor thing! all alone there--' + +"He interrupted me sharp. 'Well?' he snaps. 'What's it say? Will +the cousin help her?' + +"'No,' I says, 'drat him, he won't!' + +"The answer I got surprised me more'n anything I ever heard or ever +will hear. + +"'Thank God!' says Sol Berry. 'That settles it.' + +"And I swan to man if he didn't climb down off them timbers and +march straight across the street, over to the door of Olive +Edwards's home, open it, and go in! I leaned against the joist +he'd left, and swabbed my forehead with my sleeve." + +"He went to HER!" gasped Mrs. Phinney. + +"Wait," continued her husband. "I must have stood there twenty +minutes when I heard somebody hurryin' down the Boulevard. 'Twas +Cornelius Rowe, all red-faced and het up, but bu'stin' with news. + +"''Lo, Sim!' says he to me. 'Is Cap'n Sol home? Does he know?' + +"'Know? Know what?" says I. + +"'Why, the trick Mr. Williams put up on him? Hey? You ain't +heard? Well, Mr. Williams's fixed him nice, HE has! Seems Abner +Payne hadn't answered Sol's letter tellin' him he'd accept the +offer to swap lots, and Williams went up to Wareham where Payne's +been stayin' and offered him a thumpin' price for the land on Main +Street, and took it. The deed's all made out. Cap'n Sol can't +move where he was goin' to, and he's left with his house on the +town, as you might say. Ain't it a joke, though? Where is Sol? I +want to be the fust to tell him and see how he acts. Is he to +home?' + +"I was shook pretty nigh to pieces, but I had some sense left. + +"'No, he ain't,' says I. 'I see him go up street a spell ago.'" + +"Why, Simeon!" interrupted Mrs. Phinney once more. "Was that true? +How COULD you see him when--" + +"Be still! S'pose I was goin' to tell him where Sol HAD gone? I'd +have lied myself blue fust. However, Cornelius was satisfied. + +"'That so?' he grunts. 'By jings! I'm goin' to find him.' + +"Off he went, and the next thing I knew the Edwards door opened, +and I heard somebody callin' my name. I went acrost, walkin' in a +kind of daze, and there, in the doorway, with the lamp shinin' on +'em, was Cap'n Sol and Olive. The tears was wet on her cheeks, but +she was smilin' in a kind of shy, half-believin' sort of way, and +as for Sol, he was one broad, satisfied grin. + +"'Cap'n,' I begun, 'I just heard the everlastin'est news that--' + +"'Shut up, Sim!' he orders, cheerful. 'You've been a mighty good +friend to both of us, and I want you to be the fust to shake +hands.' + +"'Shake hands?' I stammers, lookin' at 'em. 'WHAT? You don't +mean--' + +"'I mean shake hands. Don't you want to?' + +"Want to! I give 'em both one more look, and then we shook, up to +the elbows; and my grin had the Cap'n's beat holler. + +"'Sim,' he says, after I'd cackled a few minutes, 'I cal'late maybe +that white horse is well by this time. P'r'aps we might move a +little faster. I'm kind of anxious to get to Main Street.' + +"Then I remembered. 'Great gosh all fish-hooks!' I sings out. +'Main Street? Why, there AIN'T no Main Street!' + +"And I gives 'em Cornelius's news. The widow's smile faded out. + +"'Oh!' says she. 'O Solomon! And I got you into all this +trouble!' + +"Cap'n Sol didn't stop grinnin', but he scratched his head. 'Huh!' +says he. 'Mark one up for King Williams the Great. Humph!' + +"He thought for a minute and then he laughed out loud. 'Olive,' he +says, 'if I remember right, you and I always figgered to live on +the Shore Road. It's the best site in town. Sim, I guess if that +white horse IS well, you can move that shanty of mine right to +Cross Street, down that, and back along the Shore Road to the place +where it come from. THAT land's mine yet,' says he. + +"If that wa'n't him all over! I couldn't think what to say, except +that folks would laugh some, I cal'lated. + +"'Not at us, they won't,' says he. 'We'll clear out till the +laughin' is over. Olive, to-morrer mornin' we'll call on Parson +Hilton and then take the ten o'clock train. I feel's if a trip to +Washin'ton would be about right just now.' + +"She started and blushed and then looked up into his face. +'Solomon,' she says, low, 'I really would like to go to Niagara.' + +"He shook his head. 'Old lady,' says he, 'I guess you don't quite +understand this thing. See here'--p'intin' to his house loomin' +big and black in the roadway--'see! the mountain has come to +Mahomet.'" + +Mrs. Phinney had heard enough. She sprang from her chair and +seized her husband's hands. + +"Splendid!" she cried, her face beaming. "Oh, AIN'T it lovely! +Ain't you glad for 'em, Simeon?" + +"Glad! Say, Emeline; there's some of that wild-cherry bounce down +cellar, ain't there? Let's break our teetotalism for once and +drink a glass to Cap'n and Mrs. Solomon Berry. Jerushy! I got to +do SOMETHIN' to celebrate." + + +On the Hill Boulevard the summer wind stirred the silverleaf +poplars. The thick, black shadows along the sidewalks were heavy +with the perfume of flowers. Captain Sol, ex-depot master of East +Harniss, strolled on in the dark, under the stars, his hands in his +pockets, and in his heart happiness complete and absolute. + +Behind him twinkled the lamp in the window of the Edwards house, so +soon to be torn down. Before him, over the barberry hedge, blazed +the windows of the mansion the owner of which was responsible for +it all. The windows were open, and through them sounded the voices +of the mighty Ogden Hapworth Williams and his wife, engaged in a +lively altercation. It was an open secret that their married life +was anything but peaceful. + +"What are you grumbling about now?" demanded 'Williams. "Don't I +give you more money than--" + +"Nonsense!" sneered Mrs. Williams, in scornful derision. +"Nonsense, I say! Money is all there is to you, Ogden. In other +things, the real things of this world, those you can't buy with +money, you're a perfect imbecile. You know nothing whatever about +them." + +Captain Sol, alone on the walk by the hedge, glanced in the +direction of the shrill voice, then back at the lamp in Olive's +window. And he laughed aloud. + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of The Depot Master, by Joseph C. Lincoln + |