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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/220-0.txt b/220-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8b25010 --- /dev/null +++ b/220-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2155 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Secret Sharer, by Joseph Conrad + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Secret Sharer + +Author: Joseph Conrad + +Release Date: February 1995 [EBook #220] +Posting Date: June 18, 2009 +Last Updated: September 7, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + + + + + + + + + +THE SECRET SHARER + +By Joseph Conrad + + + + +I + + +On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes resembling a +mysterious system of half-submerged bamboo fences, incomprehensible in +its division of the domain of tropical fishes, and crazy of aspect as if +abandoned forever by some nomad tribe of fishermen now gone to the other +end of the ocean; for there was no sign of human habitation as far as +the eye could reach. To the left a group of barren islets, suggesting +ruins of stone walls, towers, and blockhouses, had its foundations set +in a blue sea that itself looked solid, so still and stable did it lie +below my feet; even the track of light from the westering sun shone +smoothly, without that animated glitter which tells of an imperceptible +ripple. And when I turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug +which had just left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the straight line +of the flat shore joined to the stable sea, edge to edge, with a perfect +and unmarked closeness, in one leveled floor half brown, half blue under +the enormous dome of the sky. Corresponding in their insignificance to +the islets of the sea, two small clumps of trees, one on each side of +the only fault in the impeccable joint, marked the mouth of the river +Meinam we had just left on the first preparatory stage of our homeward +journey; and, far back on the inland level, a larger and loftier mass, +the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda, was the only thing on +which the eye could rest from the vain task of exploring the monotonous +sweep of the horizon. Here and there gleams as of a few scattered pieces +of silver marked the windings of the great river; and on the nearest of +them, just within the bar, the tug steaming right into the land became +lost to my sight, hull and funnel and masts, as though the impassive +earth had swallowed her up without an effort, without a tremor. My eye +followed the light cloud of her smoke, now here, now there, above the +plain, according to the devious curves of the stream, but always fainter +and farther away, till I lost it at last behind the miter-shaped hill +of the great pagoda. And then I was left alone with my ship, anchored at +the head of the Gulf of Siam. + +She floated at the starting point of a long journey, very still in an +immense stillness, the shadows of her spars flung far to the eastward by +the setting sun. At that moment I was alone on her decks. There was not +a sound in her--and around us nothing moved, nothing lived, not a canoe +on the water, not a bird in the air, not a cloud in the sky. In this +breathless pause at the threshold of a long passage we seemed to be +measuring our fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed +task of both our existences to be carried out, far from all human eyes, +with only sky and sea for spectators and for judges. + +There must have been some glare in the air to interfere with one’s +sight, because it was only just before the sun left us that my roaming +eyes made out beyond the highest ridges of the principal islet of the +group something which did away with the solemnity of perfect solitude. +The tide of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with tropical suddenness a +swarm of stars came out above the shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, +my hand resting lightly on my ship’s rail as if on the shoulder of a +trusted friend. But, with all that multitude of celestial bodies staring +down at one, the comfort of quiet communion with her was gone for good. +And there were also disturbing sounds by this time--voices, footsteps +forward; the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily ministering +spirit; a hand bell tinkled urgently under the poop deck.... + +I found my two officers waiting for me near the supper table, in the +lighted cuddy. We sat down at once, and as I helped the chief mate, I +said: + +“Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside the islands? I saw +her mastheads above the ridge as the sun went down.” + +He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a terrible growth of +whisker, and emitted his usual ejaculations: “Bless my soul, sir! You +don’t say so!” + +My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young man, grave beyond his +years, I thought; but as our eyes happened to meet I detected a slight +quiver on his lips. I looked down at once. It was not my part to +encourage sneering on board my ship. It must be said, too, that I knew +very little of my officers. In consequence of certain events of no +particular significance, except to myself, I had been appointed to the +command only a fortnight before. Neither did I know much of the hands +forward. All these people had been together for eighteen months or so, +and my position was that of the only stranger on board. I mention this +because it has some bearing on what is to follow. But what I felt most +was my being a stranger to the ship; and if all the truth must be +told, I was somewhat of a stranger to myself. The youngest man on board +(barring the second mate), and untried as yet by a position of the +fullest responsibility, I was willing to take the adequacy of the others +for granted. They had simply to be equal to their tasks; but I wondered +how far I should turn out faithful to that ideal conception of one’s own +personality every man sets up for himself secretly. + +Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect of collaboration +on the part of his round eyes and frightful whiskers, was trying to +evolve a theory of the anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all +things into earnest consideration. He was of a painstaking turn of mind. +As he used to say, he “liked to account to himself” for practically +everything that came in his way, down to a miserable scorpion he had +found in his cabin a week before. The why and the wherefore of that +scorpion--how it got on board and came to select his room rather than +the pantry (which was a dark place and more what a scorpion would be +partial to), and how on earth it managed to drown itself in the inkwell +of his writing desk--had exercised him infinitely. The ship within the +islands was much more easily accounted for; and just as we were about +to rise from table he made his pronouncement. She was, he doubted not, a +ship from home lately arrived. Probably she drew too much water to cross +the bar except at the top of spring tides. Therefore she went into that +natural harbor to wait for a few days in preference to remaining in an +open roadstead. + +“That’s so,” confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in his slightly hoarse +voice. “She draws over twenty feet. She’s the Liverpool ship Sephora +with a cargo of coal. Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff.” + +We looked at him in surprise. + +“The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board for your letters, +sir,” explained the young man. “He expects to take her up the river the +day after tomorrow.” + +After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his information he slipped +out of the cabin. The mate observed regretfully that he “could not +account for that young fellow’s whims.” What prevented him telling us +all about it at once, he wanted to know. + +I detained him as he was making a move. For the last two days the crew +had had plenty of hard work, and the night before they had very little +sleep. I felt painfully that I--a stranger--was doing something unusual +when I directed him to let all hands turn in without setting an +anchor watch. I proposed to keep on deck myself till one o’clock or +thereabouts. I would get the second mate to relieve me at that hour. + +“He will turn out the cook and the steward at four,” I concluded, “and +then give you a call. Of course at the slightest sign of any sort of +wind we’ll have the hands up and make a start at once.” + +He concealed his astonishment. “Very well, sir.” Outside the cuddy he +put his head in the second mate’s door to inform him of my unheard-of +caprice to take a five hours’ anchor watch on myself. I heard the other +raise his voice incredulously--“What? The Captain himself?” Then a few +more murmurs, a door closed, then another. A few moments later I went on +deck. + +My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had prompted that +unconventional arrangement, as if I had expected in those solitary hours +of the night to get on terms with the ship of which I knew nothing, +manned by men of whom I knew very little more. Fast alongside a wharf, +littered like any ship in port with a tangle of unrelated things, +invaded by unrelated shore people, I had hardly seen her yet properly. +Now, as she lay cleared for sea, the stretch of her main-deck seemed to +me very fine under the stars. Very fine, very roomy for her size, +and very inviting. I descended the poop and paced the waist, my mind +picturing to myself the coming passage through the Malay Archipelago, +down the Indian Ocean, and up the Atlantic. All its phases were familiar +enough to me, every characteristic, all the alternatives which were +likely to face me on the high seas--everything!... except the novel +responsibility of command. But I took heart from the reasonable thought +that the ship was like other ships, the men like other men, and that +the sea was not likely to keep any special surprises expressly for my +discomfiture. + +Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought myself of a cigar and +went below to get it. All was still down there. Everybody at the +after end of the ship was sleeping profoundly. I came out again on +the quarter-deck, agreeably at ease in my sleeping suit on that warm +breathless night, barefooted, a glowing cigar in my teeth, and, going +forward, I was met by the profound silence of the fore end of the ship. +Only as I passed the door of the forecastle, I heard a deep, quiet, +trustful sigh of some sleeper inside. And suddenly I rejoiced in the +great security of the sea as compared with the unrest of the land, in +my choice of that untempted life presenting no disquieting +problems, invested with an elementary moral beauty by the absolute +straightforwardness of its appeal and by the singleness of its purpose. + +The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, untroubled, as +if symbolic, flame, confident and bright in the mysterious shades of +the night. Passing on my way aft along the other side of the ship, I +observed that the rope side ladder, put over, no doubt, for the master +of the tug when he came to fetch away our letters, had not been hauled +in as it should have been. I became annoyed at this, for exactitude in +some small matters is the very soul of discipline. Then I reflected that +I had myself peremptorily dismissed my officers from duty, and by my +own act had prevented the anchor watch being formally set and things +properly attended to. I asked myself whether it was wise ever to +interfere with the established routine of duties even from the kindest +of motives. My action might have made me appear eccentric. Goodness only +knew how that absurdly whiskered mate would “account” for my conduct, +and what the whole ship thought of that informality of their new +captain. I was vexed with myself. + +Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were mechanically, I +proceeded to get the ladder in myself. Now a side ladder of that sort +is a light affair and comes in easily, yet my vigorous tug, which should +have brought it flying on board, merely recoiled upon my body in a +totally unexpected jerk. What the devil!... I was so astounded by +the immovableness of that ladder that I remained stock-still, trying to +account for it to myself like that imbecile mate of mine. In the end, of +course, I put my head over the rail. + +The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow on the darkling +glassy shimmer of the sea. But I saw at once something elongated and +pale floating very close to the ladder. Before I could form a guess a +faint flash of phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly +from the naked body of a man, flickered in the sleeping water with the +elusive, silent play of summer lightning in a night sky. With a gasp I +saw revealed to my stare a pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid +back immersed right up to the neck in a greenish cadaverous glow. One +hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. He was complete +but for the head. A headless corpse! The cigar dropped out of my gaping +mouth with a tiny plop and a short hiss quite audible in the absolute +stillness of all things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up his +face, a dimly pale oval in the shadow of the ship’s side. But even then +I could only barely make out down there the shape of his black-haired +head. However, it was enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation +which had gripped me about the chest to pass off. The moment of vain +exclamations was past, too. I only climbed on the spare spar and leaned +over the rail as far as I could, to bring my eyes nearer to that mystery +floating alongside. + +As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, the sea lightning +played about his limbs at every stir; and he appeared in it ghastly, +silvery, fishlike. He remained as mute as a fish, too. He made no motion +to get out of the water, either. It was inconceivable that he should +not attempt to come on board, and strangely troubling to suspect that +perhaps he did not want to. And my first words were prompted by just +that troubled incertitude. + +“What’s the matter?” I asked in my ordinary tone, speaking down to the +face upturned exactly under mine. + +“Cramp,” it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, “I say, no need +to call anyone.” + +“I was not going to,” I said. + +“Are you alone on deck?” + +“Yes.” + +I had somehow the impression that he was on the point of letting go the +ladder to swim away beyond my ken--mysterious as he came. But, for the +moment, this being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the +sea (it was certainly the nearest land to the ship) wanted only to know +the time. I told him. And he, down there, tentatively: + +“I suppose your captain’s turned in?” + +“I am sure he isn’t,” I said. + +He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard something like the low, +bitter murmur of doubt. “What’s the good?” His next words came out with +a hesitating effort. + +“Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?” + +I thought the time had come to declare myself. + +“I am the captain.” + +I heard a “By Jove!” whispered at the level of the water. The +phosphorescence flashed in the swirl of the water all about his limbs, +his other hand seized the ladder. + +“My name’s Leggatt.” + +The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The self-possession of +that man had somehow induced a corresponding state in myself. It was +very quietly that I remarked: + +“You must be a good swimmer.” + +“Yes. I’ve been in the water practically since nine o’clock. The +question for me now is whether I am to let go this ladder and go on +swimming till I sink from exhaustion, or--to come on board here.” + +I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, but a real +alternative in the view of a strong soul. I should have gathered from +this that he was young; indeed, it is only the young who are ever +confronted by such clear issues. But at the time it was pure intuition +on my part. A mysterious communication was established already between +us two--in the face of that silent, darkened tropical sea. I was +young, too; young enough to make no comment. The man in the water began +suddenly to climb up the ladder, and I hastened away from the rail to +fetch some clothes. + +Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in the lobby at the +foot of the stairs. A faint snore came through the closed door of the +chief mate’s room. The second mate’s door was on the hook, but the +darkness in there was absolutely soundless. He, too, was young and could +sleep like a stone. Remained the steward, but he was not likely to +wake up before he was called. I got a sleeping suit out of my room and, +coming back on deck, saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main +hatch, glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on his knees and +his head in his hands. In a moment he had concealed his damp body in a +sleeping suit of the same gray-stripe pattern as the one I was wearing +and followed me like my double on the poop. Together we moved right aft, +barefooted, silent. + +“What is it?” I asked in a deadened voice, taking the lighted lamp out +of the binnacle, and raising it to his face. + +“An ugly business.” + +He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light eyes under somewhat +heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, square forehead; no growth on his +cheeks; a small, brown mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. His +expression was concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting light of +the lamp I held up to his face; such as a man thinking hard in solitude +might wear. My sleeping suit was just right for his size. A well-knit +young fellow of twenty-five at most. He caught his lower lip with the +edge of white, even teeth. + +“Yes,” I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. The warm, heavy +tropical night closed upon his head again. + +“There’s a ship over there,” he murmured. + +“Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?” + +“Hadn’t the slightest idea. I am the mate of her--” He paused and +corrected himself. “I should say I _was_.” + +“Aha! Something wrong?” + +“Yes. Very wrong indeed. I’ve killed a man.” + +“What do you mean? Just now?” + +“No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. When I say a man--” + +“Fit of temper,” I suggested, confidently. + +The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod imperceptibly above the +ghostly gray of my sleeping suit. It was, in the night, as though I had +been faced by my own reflection in the depths of a somber and immense +mirror. + +“A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway boy,” murmured my +double, distinctly. + +“You’re a Conway boy?” + +“I am,” he said, as if startled. Then, slowly... “Perhaps you too--” + +It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left before he +joined. After a quick interchange of dates a silence fell; and I thought +suddenly of my absurd mate with his terrific whiskers and the “Bless my +soul--you don’t say so” type of intellect. My double gave me an inkling +of his thoughts by saying: “My father’s a parson in Norfolk. Do you see +me before a judge and jury on that charge? For myself I can’t see the +necessity. There are fellows that an angel from heaven--And I am not +that. He was one of those creatures that are just simmering all the time +with a silly sort of wickedness. Miserable devils that have no business +to live at all. He wouldn’t do his duty and wouldn’t let anybody else do +theirs. But what’s the good of talking! You know well enough the sort of +ill-conditioned snarling cur--” + +He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as identical as +our clothes. And I knew well enough the pestiferous danger of such a +character where there are no means of legal repression. And I knew well +enough also that my double there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not +think of asking him for details, and he told me the story roughly in +brusque, disconnected sentences. I needed no more. I saw it all going on +as though I were myself inside that other sleeping suit. + +“It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at dusk. Reefed +foresail! You understand the sort of weather. The only sail we had left +to keep the ship running; so you may guess what it had been like for +days. Anxious sort of job, that. He gave me some of his cursed insolence +at the sheet. I tell you I was overdone with this terrific weather that +seemed to have no end to it. Terrific, I tell you--and a deep ship. I +believe the fellow himself was half crazed with funk. It was no time for +gentlemanly reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox. He up +and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for the ship. All hands +saw it coming and took to the rigging, but I had him by the throat, and +went on shaking him like a rat, the men above us yelling, ‘Look out! +look out!’ Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. They +say that for over ten minutes hardly anything was to be seen of the +ship--just the three masts and a bit of the forecastle head and of the +poop all awash driving along in a smother of foam. It was a miracle that +they found us, jammed together behind the forebitts. It’s clear that I +meant business, because I was holding him by the throat still when they +picked us up. He was black in the face. It was too much for them. +It seems they rushed us aft together, gripped as we were, screaming +‘Murder!’ like a lot of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. And the ship +running for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute her last in +a sea fit to turn your hair gray only a-looking at it. I understand that +the skipper, too, started raving like the rest of them. The man had been +deprived of sleep for more than a week, and to have this sprung on him +at the height of a furious gale nearly drove him out of his mind. I +wonder they didn’t fling me overboard after getting the carcass of their +precious shipmate out of my fingers. They had rather a job to separate +us, I’ve been told. A sufficiently fierce story to make an old judge and +a respectable jury sit up a bit. The first thing I heard when I came to +myself was the maddening howling of that endless gale, and on that the +voice of the old man. He was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face +out of his sou’wester. + +“‘Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no longer as chief +mate of this ship.’” + +His care to subdue his voice made it sound monotonous. He rested a hand +on the end of the skylight to steady himself with, and all that time did +not stir a limb, so far as I could see. “Nice little tale for a quiet +tea party,” he concluded in the same tone. + +One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; neither did +I stir a limb, so far as I knew. We stood less than a foot from each +other. It occurred to me that if old “Bless my soul--you don’t say so” + were to put his head up the companion and catch sight of us, he would +think he was seeing double, or imagine himself come upon a scene of +weird witchcraft; the strange captain having a quiet confabulation +by the wheel with his own gray ghost. I became very much concerned to +prevent anything of the sort. I heard the other’s soothing undertone. + +“My father’s a parson in Norfolk,” it said. Evidently he had forgotten +he had told me this important fact before. Truly a nice little tale. + +“You had better slip down into my stateroom now,” I said, moving off +stealthily. My double followed my movements; our bare feet made no +sound; I let him in, closed the door with care, and, after giving a call +to the second mate, returned on deck for my relief. + +“Not much sign of any wind yet,” I remarked when he approached. + +“No, sir. Not much,” he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse voice, with +just enough deference, no more, and barely suppressing a yawn. + +“Well, that’s all you have to look out for. You have got your orders.” + +“Yes, sir.” + +I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take up his position face +forward with his elbow in the ratlines of the mizzen rigging before I +went below. The mate’s faint snoring was still going on peacefully. +The cuddy lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase with +flowers, a polite attention from the ship’s provision merchant--the +last flowers we should see for the next three months at the very least. +Two bunches of bananas hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each +side of the rudder casing. Everything was as before in the ship--except +that two of her captain’s sleeping suits were simultaneously in use, one +motionless in the cuddy, the other keeping very still in the captain’s +stateroom. + +It must be explained here that my cabin had the form of the capital +letter L, the door being within the angle and opening into the short +part of the letter. A couch was to the left, the bed place to the right; +my writing desk and the chronometers’ table faced the door. But anyone +opening it, unless he stepped right inside, had no view of what I call +the long (or vertical) part of the letter. It contained some lockers +surmounted by a bookcase; and a few clothes, a thick jacket or two, +caps, oilskin coat, and such like, hung on hooks. There was at the +bottom of that part a door opening into my bathroom, which could be +entered also directly from the saloon. But that way was never used. + +The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage of this particular +shape. Entering my room, lighted strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung +on gimbals above my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he +stepped out quietly from behind the coats hung in the recessed part. + +“I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at once,” he +whispered. + +I, too, spoke under my breath. + +“Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking and getting +permission.” + +He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, as though he had +been ill. And no wonder. He had been, I heard presently, kept under +arrest in his cabin for nearly seven weeks. But there was nothing sickly +in his eyes or in his expression. He was not a bit like me, really; yet, +as we stood leaning over my bed place, whispering side by side, with our +dark heads together and our backs to the door, anybody bold enough to +open it stealthily would have been treated to the uncanny sight of a +double captain busy talking in whispers with his other self. + +“But all this doesn’t tell me how you came to hang on to our side +ladder,” I inquired, in the hardly audible murmurs we used, after he had +told me something more of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the +bad weather was over. + +“When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think all those matters out +several times over. I had six weeks of doing nothing else, and with only +an hour or so every evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck.” + +He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed place, staring +through the open port. And I could imagine perfectly the manner of this +thinking out--a stubborn if not a steadfast operation; something of +which I should have been perfectly incapable. + +“I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the land,” he +continued, so low that I had to strain my hearing near as we were to +each other, shoulder touching shoulder almost. “So I asked to speak to +the old man. He always seemed very sick when he came to see me--as if he +could not look me in the face. You know, that foresail saved the ship. +She was too deep to have run long under bare poles. And it was I +that managed to set it for him. Anyway, he came. When I had him in my +cabin--he stood by the door looking at me as if I had the halter round +my neck already--I asked him right away to leave my cabin door unlocked +at night while the ship was going through Sunda Straits. There would +be the Java coast within two or three miles, off Angier Point. I wanted +nothing more. I’ve had a prize for swimming my second year in the +Conway.” + +“I can believe it,” I breathed out. + +“God only knows why they locked me in every night. To see some of +their faces you’d have thought they were afraid I’d go about at night +strangling people. Am I a murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I +had been he wouldn’t have trusted himself like that into my room. You’ll +say I might have chucked him aside and bolted out, there and then--it +was dark already. Well, no. And for the same reason I wouldn’t think of +trying to smash the door. There would have been a rush to stop me at the +noise, and I did not mean to get into a confounded scrimmage. Somebody +else might have got killed--for I would not have broken out only to +get chucked back, and I did not want any more of that work. He refused, +looking more sick than ever. He was afraid of the men, and also of +that old second mate of his who had been sailing with him for years--a +gray-headed old humbug; and his steward, too, had been with him devil +knows how long--seventeen years or more--a dogmatic sort of loafer who +hated me like poison, just because I was the chief mate. No chief mate +ever made more than one voyage in the Sephora, you know. Those two old +chaps ran the ship. Devil only knows what the skipper wasn’t afraid of +(all his nerve went to pieces altogether in that hellish spell of bad +weather we had)--of what the law would do to him--of his wife, perhaps. +Oh, yes! she’s on board. Though I don’t think she would have meddled. +She would have been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any way. +The ‘brand of Cain’ business, don’t you see. That’s all right. I was +ready enough to go off wandering on the face of the earth--and that was +price enough to pay for an Abel of that sort. Anyhow, he wouldn’t listen +to me. ‘This thing must take its course. I represent the law here.’ He +was shaking like a leaf. ‘So you won’t?’ ‘No!’ ‘Then I hope you will +be able to sleep on that,’ I said, and turned my back on him. ‘I wonder +that you can,’ cries he, and locks the door. + +“Well after that, I couldn’t. Not very well. That was three weeks ago. +We have had a slow passage through the Java Sea; drifted about Carimata +for ten days. When we anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was +all right. The nearest land (and that’s five miles) is the ship’s +destination; the consul would soon set about catching me; and there +would have been no object in holding to these islets there. I don’t +suppose there’s a drop of water on them. I don’t know how it was, but +tonight that steward, after bringing me my supper, went out to let me +eat it, and left the door unlocked. And I ate it--all there was, too. +After I had finished I strolled out on the quarter-deck. I don’t know +that I meant to do anything. A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I +believe. Then a sudden temptation came over me. I kicked off my slippers +and was in the water before I had made up my mind fairly. Somebody heard +the splash and they raised an awful hullabaloo. ‘He’s gone! Lower the +boats! He’s committed suicide! No, he’s swimming.’ Certainly I was +swimming. It’s not so easy for a swimmer like me to commit suicide by +drowning. I landed on the nearest islet before the boat left the ship’s +side. I heard them pulling about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but +after a bit they gave up. Everything quieted down and the anchorage +became still as death. I sat down on a stone and began to think. I felt +certain they would start searching for me at daylight. There was no +place to hide on those stony things--and if there had been, what would +have been the good? But now I was clear of that ship, I was not going +back. So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied them up in a +bundle with a stone inside, and dropped them in the deep water on the +outer side of that islet. That was suicide enough for me. Let them think +what they liked, but I didn’t mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till +I sank--but that’s not the same thing. I struck out for another of these +little islands, and it was from that one that I first saw your riding +light. Something to swim for. I went on easily, and on the way I came +upon a flat rock a foot or two above water. In the daytime, I dare say, +you might make it out with a glass from your poop. I scrambled up on it +and rested myself for a bit. Then I made another start. That last spell +must have been over a mile.” + +His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the time he stared +straight out through the porthole, in which there was not even a star +to be seen. I had not interrupted him. There was something that made +comment impossible in his narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of +feeling, a quality, which I can’t find a name for. And when he ceased, +all I found was a futile whisper: “So you swam for our light?” + +“Yes--straight for it. It was something to swim for. I couldn’t see any +stars low down because the coast was in the way, and I couldn’t see the +land, either. The water was like glass. One might have been swimming in +a confounded thousand-feet deep cistern with no place for scrambling out +anywhere; but what I didn’t like was the notion of swimming round and +round like a crazed bullock before I gave out; and as I didn’t mean to +go back... No. Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, off one +of these little islands by the scruff of the neck and fighting like a +wild beast? Somebody would have got killed for certain, and I did not +want any of that. So I went on. Then your ladder--” + +“Why didn’t you hail the ship?” I asked, a little louder. + +He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came right over our heads +and stopped. The second mate had crossed from the other side of the poop +and might have been hanging over the rail for all we knew. + +“He couldn’t hear us talking--could he?” My double breathed into my very +ear, anxiously. + +His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the question I had +put to him. An answer containing all the difficulty of that situation. I +closed the porthole quietly, to make sure. A louder word might have been +overheard. + +“Who’s that?” he whispered then. + +“My second mate. But I don’t know much more of the fellow than you do.” + +And I told him a little about myself. I had been appointed to take +charge while I least expected anything of the sort, not quite a +fortnight ago. I didn’t know either the ship or the people. Hadn’t had +the time in port to look about me or size anybody up. And as to the +crew, all they knew was that I was appointed to take the ship home. +For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on board as himself, +I said. And at the moment I felt it most acutely. I felt that it would +take very little to make me a suspect person in the eyes of the ship’s +company. + +He had turned about meantime; and we, the two strangers in the ship, +faced each other in identical attitudes. + +“Your ladder--” he murmured, after a silence. “Who’d have thought of +finding a ladder hanging over at night in a ship anchored out here! I +felt just then a very unpleasant faintness. After the life I’ve been +leading for nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition. I +wasn’t capable of swimming round as far as your rudder chains. And, lo +and behold! there was a ladder to get hold of. After I gripped it I said +to myself, ‘What’s the good?’ When I saw a man’s head looking over I +thought I would swim away presently and leave him shouting--in whatever +language it was. I didn’t mind being looked at. I--I liked it. And then +you speaking to me so quietly--as if you had expected me--made me hold +on a little longer. It had been a confounded lonely time--I don’t mean +while swimming. I was glad to talk a little to somebody that didn’t +belong to the Sephora. As to asking for the captain, that was a mere +impulse. It could have been no use, with all the ship knowing about me +and the other people pretty certain to be round here in the morning. I +don’t know--I wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, before I went +on. I don’t know what I would have said.... ‘Fine night, isn’t it?’ +or something of the sort.” + +“Do you think they will be round here presently?” I asked with some +incredulity. + +“Quite likely,” he said, faintly. + +“He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head rolled on his +shoulders. + +“H’m. We shall see then. Meantime get into that bed,” I whispered. “Want +help? There.” + +It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath. This +amazing swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg. He +tumbled in, rolled over on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. +And then, with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly as I +used to look in that bed. I gazed upon my other self for a while before +drawing across carefully the two green serge curtains which ran on a +brass rod. I thought for a moment of pinning them together for greater +safety, but I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling +to rise and hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was extremely +tired, in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain of stealthiness, by +the effort of whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement. It +was three o’clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I +was not sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, fagged +out, looking at the curtains, trying to clear my mind of the confused +sensation of being in two places at once, and greatly bothered by an +exasperating knocking in my head. It was a relief to discover suddenly +that it was not in my head at all, but on the outside of the door. +Before I could collect myself the words “Come in” were out of my mouth, +and the steward entered with a tray, bringing in my morning coffee. I +had slept, after all, and I was so frightened that I shouted, “This way! +I am here, steward,” as though he had been miles away. He put down the +tray on the table next the couch and only then said, very quietly, “I +can see you are here, sir.” I felt him give me a keen look, but I dared +not meet his eyes just then. He must have wondered why I had drawn the +curtains of my bed before going to sleep on the couch. He went out, +hooking the door open as usual. + +I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I would have been told +at once if there had been any wind. Calm, I thought, and I was doubly +vexed. Indeed, I felt dual more than ever. The steward reappeared +suddenly in the doorway. I jumped up from the couch so quickly that he +gave a start. + +“What do you want here?” + +“Close your port, sir--they are washing decks.” + +“It is closed,” I said, reddening. + +“Very well, sir.” But he did not move from the doorway and returned my +stare in an extraordinary, equivocal manner for a time. Then his eyes +wavered, all his expression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, +almost coaxingly: + +“May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?” + +“Of course!” I turned my back on him while he popped in and out. Then +I unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt. This sort of +thing could not go on very long. The cabin was as hot as an oven, too. I +took a peep at my double, and discovered that he had not moved, his arm +was still over his eyes; but his chest heaved; his hair was wet; his +chin glistened with perspiration. I reached over him and opened the +port. + +“I must show myself on deck,” I reflected. + +Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with no one to say +nay to me within the whole circle of the horizon; but to lock my cabin +door and take the key away I did not dare. Directly I put my head out +of the companion I saw the group of my two officers, the second mate +barefooted, the chief mate in long India-rubber boots, near the break of +the poop, and the steward halfway down the poop ladder talking to them +eagerly. He happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second ran down +on the main-deck shouting some order or other, and the chief mate came +to meet me, touching his cap. + +There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like. I don’t +know whether the steward had told them that I was “queer” only, or +downright drunk, but I know the man meant to have a good look at me. I +watched him coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank range, +took effect and froze his very whiskers. I did not give him time to open +his lips. + +“Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast.” + +It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship; and I +stayed on deck to see it executed, too. I had felt the need of asserting +myself without loss of time. That sneering young cub got taken down a +peg or two on that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of having +a good look at the face of every foremast man as they filed past me +to go to the after braces. At breakfast time, eating nothing myself, I +presided with such frigid dignity that the two mates were only too glad +to escape from the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all the +time the dual working of my mind distracted me almost to the point of +insanity. I was constantly watching myself, my secret self, as dependent +on my actions as my own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that +door which faced me as I sat at the head of the table. It was very much +like being mad, only it was worse because one was aware of it. + +I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last he opened his +eyes it was in the full possession of his senses, with an inquiring +look. + +“All’s well so far,” I whispered. “Now you must vanish into the +bathroom.” + +He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for the steward, +and facing him boldly, directed him to tidy up my stateroom while I +was having my bath--“and be quick about it.” As my tone admitted of +no excuses, he said, “Yes, sir,” and ran off to fetch his dustpan and +brushes. I took a bath and did most of my dressing, splashing, and +whistling softly for the steward’s edification, while the secret sharer +of my life stood drawn up bolt upright in that little space, his face +looking very sunken in daylight, his eyelids lowered under the stern, +dark line of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight frown. + +When I left him there to go back to my room the steward was finishing +dusting. I sent for the mate and engaged him in some insignificant +conversation. It was, as it were, trifling with the terrific character +of his whiskers; but my object was to give him an opportunity for a +good look at my cabin. And then I could at last shut, with a clear +conscience, the door of my stateroom and get my double back into the +recessed part. There was nothing else for it. He had to sit still on a +small folding stool, half smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. +We listened to the steward going into the bathroom out of the saloon, +filling the water bottles there, scrubbing the bath, setting things +to rights, whisk, bang, clatter--out again into the saloon--turn the +key--click. Such was my scheme for keeping my second self invisible. +Nothing better could be contrived under the circumstances. And there +we sat; I at my writing desk ready to appear busy with some papers, he +behind me out of sight of the door. It would not have been prudent to +talk in daytime; and I could not have stood the excitement of that queer +sense of whispering to myself. Now and then, glancing over my shoulder, +I saw him far back there, sitting rigidly on the low stool, his +bare feet close together, his arms folded, his head hanging on his +breast--and perfectly still. Anybody would have taken him for me. + +I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to glance over my +shoulder. I was looking at him when a voice outside the door said: + +“Beg pardon, sir.” + +“Well!...” I kept my eyes on him, and so when the voice outside the +door announced, “There’s a ship’s boat coming our way, sir,” I saw him +give a start--the first movement he had made for hours. But he did not +raise his bowed head. + +“All right. Get the ladder over.” + +I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But what? His immobility +seemed to have been never disturbed. What could I tell him he did not +know already?... Finally I went on deck. + + + + +II + +The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all round his face, +and the sort of complexion that goes with hair of that color; also the +particular, rather smeary shade of blue in the eyes. He was not exactly +a showy figure; his shoulders were high, his stature but middling--one +leg slightly more bandy than the other. He shook hands, looking vaguely +around. A spiritless tenacity was his main characteristic, I judged. I +behaved with a politeness which seemed to disconcert him. Perhaps he was +shy. He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of what he was saying; gave +his name (it was something like Archbold--but at this distance of years +I hardly am sure), his ship’s name, and a few other particulars of +that sort, in the manner of a criminal making a reluctant and +doleful confession. He had had terrible weather on the passage +out--terrible--terrible--wife aboard, too. + +By this time we were seated in the cabin and the steward brought in a +tray with a bottle and glasses. “Thanks! No.” Never took liquor. Would +have some water, though. He drank two tumblerfuls. Terrible thirsty +work. Ever since daylight had been exploring the islands round his ship. + +“What was that for--fun?” I asked, with an appearance of polite +interest. + +“No!” He sighed. “Painful duty.” + +As he persisted in his mumbling and I wanted my double to hear every +word, I hit upon the notion of informing him that I regretted to say I +was hard of hearing. + +“Such a young man, too!” he nodded, keeping his smeary blue, +unintelligent eyes fastened upon me. “What was the cause of it--some +disease?” he inquired, without the least sympathy and as if he thought +that, if so, I’d got no more than I deserved. + +“Yes; disease,” I admitted in a cheerful tone which seemed to shock him. +But my point was gained, because he had to raise his voice to give me +his tale. It is not worth while to record his version. It was just over +two months since all this had happened, and he had thought so much +about it that he seemed completely muddled as to its bearings, but still +immensely impressed. + +“What would you think of such a thing happening on board your own +ship? I’ve had the Sephora for these fifteen years. I am a well-known +shipmaster.” + +He was densely distressed--and perhaps I should have sympathized with +him if I had been able to detach my mental vision from the unsuspected +sharer of my cabin as though he were my second self. There he was on the +other side of the bulkhead, four or five feet from us, no more, as we +sat in the saloon. I looked politely at Captain Archbold (if that was +his name), but it was the other I saw, in a gray sleeping suit, seated +on a low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms folded, and every +word said between us falling into the ears of his dark head bowed on his +chest. + +“I have been at sea now, man and boy, for seven-and-thirty years, and +I’ve never heard of such a thing happening in an English ship. And that +it should be my ship. Wife on board, too.” + +I was hardly listening to him. + +“Don’t you think,” I said, “that the heavy sea which, you told me, came +aboard just then might have killed the man? I have seen the sheer weight +of a sea kill a man very neatly, by simply breaking his neck.” + +“Good God!” he uttered, impressively, fixing his smeary blue eyes on +me. “The sea! No man killed by the sea ever looked like that.” He seemed +positively scandalized at my suggestion. And as I gazed at him certainly +not prepared for anything original on his part, he advanced his head +close to mine and thrust his tongue out at me so suddenly that I +couldn’t help starting back. + +After scoring over my calmness in this graphic way he nodded wisely. If +I had seen the sight, he assured me, I would never forget it as long as +I lived. The weather was too bad to give the corpse a proper sea burial. +So next day at dawn they took it up on the poop, covering its face with +a bit of bunting; he read a short prayer, and then, just as it was, in +its oilskins and long boots, they launched it amongst those mountainous +seas that seemed ready every moment to swallow up the ship herself and +the terrified lives on board of her. + +“That reefed foresail saved you,” I threw in. + +“Under God--it did,” he exclaimed fervently. “It was by a special mercy, +I firmly believe, that it stood some of those hurricane squalls.” + +“It was the setting of that sail which--” I began. + +“God’s own hand in it,” he interrupted me. “Nothing less could have +done it. I don’t mind telling you that I hardly dared give the order. +It seemed impossible that we could touch anything without losing it, and +then our last hope would have been gone.” + +The terror of that gale was on him yet. I let him go on for a bit, then +said, casually--as if returning to a minor subject: + +“You were very anxious to give up your mate to the shore people, I +believe?” + +He was. To the law. His obscure tenacity on that point had in it +something incomprehensible and a little awful; something, as it were, +mystical, quite apart from his anxiety that he should not be suspected +of “countenancing any doings of that sort.” Seven-and-thirty virtuous +years at sea, of which over twenty of immaculate command, and the last +fifteen in the Sephora, seemed to have laid him under some pitiless +obligation. + +“And you know,” he went on, groping shame-facedly amongst his feelings, +“I did not engage that young fellow. His people had some interest with +my owners. I was in a way forced to take him on. He looked very smart, +very gentlemanly, and all that. But do you know--I never liked him, +somehow. I am a plain man. You see, he wasn’t exactly the sort for the +chief mate of a ship like the Sephora.” + +I had become so connected in thoughts and impressions with the secret +sharer of my cabin that I felt as if I, personally, were being given to +understand that I, too, was not the sort that would have done for the +chief mate of a ship like the Sephora. I had no doubt of it in my mind. + +“Not at all the style of man. You understand,” he insisted, +superfluously, looking hard at me. + +I smiled urbanely. He seemed at a loss for a while. + +“I suppose I must report a suicide.” + +“Beg pardon?” + +“Suicide! That’s what I’ll have to write to my owners directly I get +in.” + +“Unless you manage to recover him before tomorrow,” I assented, +dispassionately.... “I mean, alive.” + +He mumbled something which I really did not catch, and I turned my ear +to him in a puzzled manner. He fairly bawled: + +“The land--I say, the mainland is at least seven miles off my +anchorage.” + +“About that.” + +My lack of excitement, of curiosity, of surprise, of any sort of +pronounced interest, began to arouse his distrust. But except for the +felicitous pretense of deafness I had not tried to pretend anything. I +had felt utterly incapable of playing the part of ignorance properly, +and therefore was afraid to try. It is also certain that he had brought +some ready-made suspicions with him, and that he viewed my politeness +as a strange and unnatural phenomenon. And yet how else could I have +received him? Not heartily! That was impossible for psychological +reasons, which I need not state here. My only object was to keep off his +inquiries. Surlily? Yes, but surliness might have provoked a point-blank +question. From its novelty to him and from its nature, punctilious +courtesy was the manner best calculated to restrain the man. But there +was the danger of his breaking through my defense bluntly. I could +not, I think, have met him by a direct lie, also for psychological (not +moral) reasons. If he had only known how afraid I was of his putting +my feeling of identity with the other to the test! But, strangely +enough--(I thought of it only afterwards)--I believe that he was not +a little disconcerted by the reverse side of that weird situation, by +something in me that reminded him of the man he was seeking--suggested a +mysterious similitude to the young fellow he had distrusted and disliked +from the first. + +However that might have been, the silence was not very prolonged. He +took another oblique step. + +“I reckon I had no more than a two-mile pull to your ship. Not a bit +more.” + +“And quite enough, too, in this awful heat,” I said. + +Another pause full of mistrust followed. Necessity, they say, is mother +of invention, but fear, too, is not barren of ingenious suggestions. And +I was afraid he would ask me point-blank for news of my other self. + +“Nice little saloon, isn’t it?” I remarked, as if noticing for the first +time the way his eyes roamed from one closed door to the other. “And +very well fitted out, too. Here, for instance,” I continued, reaching +over the back of my seat negligently and flinging the door open, “is my +bathroom.” + +He made an eager movement, but hardly gave it a glance. I got up, shut +the door of the bathroom, and invited him to have a look round, as if I +were very proud of my accommodation. He had to rise and be shown round, +but he went through the business without any raptures whatever. + +“And now we’ll have a look at my stateroom,” I declared, in a voice as +loud as I dared to make it, crossing the cabin to the starboard side +with purposely heavy steps. + +He followed me in and gazed around. My intelligent double had vanished. +I played my part. + +“Very convenient--isn’t it?” + +“Very nice. Very comf...” He didn’t finish and went out brusquely as +if to escape from some unrighteous wiles of mine. But it was not to be. +I had been too frightened not to feel vengeful; I felt I had him on the +run, and I meant to keep him on the run. My polite insistence must have +had something menacing in it, because he gave in suddenly. And I did +not let him off a single item; mate’s room, pantry, storerooms, the very +sail locker which was also under the poop--he had to look into them +all. When at last I showed him out on the quarter-deck he drew a long, +spiritless sigh, and mumbled dismally that he must really be going back +to his ship now. I desired my mate, who had joined us, to see to the +captain’s boat. + +The man of whiskers gave a blast on the whistle which he used to wear +hanging round his neck, and yelled, “Sephora’s away!” My double down +there in my cabin must have heard, and certainly could not feel more +relieved than I. Four fellows came running out from somewhere forward +and went over the side, while my own men, appearing on deck too, lined +the rail. I escorted my visitor to the gangway ceremoniously, and nearly +overdid it. He was a tenacious beast. On the very ladder he lingered, +and in that unique, guiltily conscientious manner of sticking to the +point: + +“I say... you... you don’t think that--” + +I covered his voice loudly: + +“Certainly not.... I am delighted. Good-by.” + +I had an idea of what he meant to say, and just saved myself by the +privilege of defective hearing. He was too shaken generally to insist, +but my mate, close witness of that parting, looked mystified and his +face took on a thoughtful cast. As I did not want to appear as if +I wished to avoid all communication with my officers, he had the +opportunity to address me. + +“Seems a very nice man. His boat’s crew told our chaps a very +extraordinary story, if what I am told by the steward is true. I suppose +you had it from the captain, sir?” + +“Yes. I had a story from the captain.” + +“A very horrible affair--isn’t it, sir?” + +“It is.” + +“Beats all these tales we hear about murders in Yankee ships.” + +“I don’t think it beats them. I don’t think it resembles them in the +least.” + +“Bless my soul--you don’t say so! But of course I’ve no acquaintance +whatever with American ships, not I, so I couldn’t go against your +knowledge. It’s horrible enough for me.... But the queerest part is +that those fellows seemed to have some idea the man was hidden aboard +here. They had really. Did you ever hear of such a thing?” + +“Preposterous--isn’t it?” + +We were walking to and fro athwart the quarter-deck. No one of the crew +forward could be seen (the day was Sunday), and the mate pursued: + +“There was some little dispute about it. Our chaps took offense. ‘As +if we would harbor a thing like that,’ they said. ‘Wouldn’t you like to +look for him in our coal-hole?’ Quite a tiff. But they made it up in the +end. I suppose he did drown himself. Don’t you, sir?” + +“I don’t suppose anything.” + +“You have no doubt in the matter, sir?” + +“None whatever.” + +I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad impression, but with +my double down there it was most trying to be on deck. And it was almost +as trying to be below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. But on the +whole I felt less torn in two when I was with him. There was no one in +the whole ship whom I dared take into my confidence. Since the hands had +got to know his story, it would have been impossible to pass him off for +anyone else, and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now more than +ever.... + +The steward being engaged in laying the table for dinner, we could talk +only with our eyes when I first went down. Later in the afternoon we +had a cautious try at whispering. The Sunday quietness of the ship was +against us; the stillness of air and water around her was against us; +the elements, the men were against us--everything was against us in our +secret partnership; time itself--for this could not go on forever. The +very trust in Providence was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. Shall I +confess that this thought cast me down very much? And as to the chapter +of accidents which counts for so much in the book of success, I could +only hope that it was closed. For what favorable accident could be +expected? + +“Did you hear everything?” were my first words as soon as we took up our +position side by side, leaning over my bed place. + +He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, “The man told you +he hardly dared to give the order.” + +I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail. + +“Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting.” + +“I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he did, but he never +gave it. He stood there with me on the break of the poop after the +main topsail blew away, and whimpered about our last hope--positively +whimpered about it and nothing else--and the night coming on! To hear +one’s skipper go on like that in such weather was enough to drive any +fellow out of his mind. It worked me up into a sort of desperation. I +just took it into my own hands and went away from him, boiling, and--But +what’s the use telling you? _You_ know!... Do you think that if I +had not been pretty fierce with them I should have got the men to do +anything? Not I! The bo’s’n perhaps? Perhaps! It wasn’t a heavy sea--it +was a sea gone mad! I suppose the end of the world will be something +like that; and a man may have the heart to see it coming once and be +done with it--but to have to face it day after day--I don’t blame +anybody. I was precious little better than the rest. Only--I was an +officer of that old coal wagon, anyhow--” + +“I quite understand,” I conveyed that sincere assurance into his ear. +He was out of breath with whispering; I could hear him pant slightly. +It was all very simple. The same strung-up force which had given +twenty-four men a chance, at least, for their lives, had, in a sort of +recoil, crushed an unworthy mutinous existence. + +But I had no leisure to weigh the merits of the matter--footsteps in +the saloon, a heavy knock. “There’s enough wind to get under way with, +sir.” Here was the call of a new claim upon my thoughts and even upon my +feelings. + +“Turn the hands up,” I cried through the door. “I’ll be on deck +directly.” + +I was going out to make the acquaintance of my ship. Before I left +the cabin our eyes met--the eyes of the only two strangers on board. I +pointed to the recessed part where the little campstool awaited him and +laid my finger on my lips. He made a gesture--somewhat vague--a little +mysterious, accompanied by a faint smile, as if of regret. + +This is not the place to enlarge upon the sensations of a man who feels +for the first time a ship move under his feet to his own independent +word. In my case they were not unalloyed. I was not wholly alone with my +command; for there was that stranger in my cabin. Or rather, I was +not completely and wholly with her. Part of me was absent. That mental +feeling of being in two places at once affected me physically as if the +mood of secrecy had penetrated my very soul. Before an hour had elapsed +since the ship had begun to move, having occasion to ask the mate (he +stood by my side) to take a compass bearing of the pagoda, I caught +myself reaching up to his ear in whispers. I say I caught myself, but +enough had escaped to startle the man. I can’t describe it otherwise +than by saying that he shied. A grave, preoccupied manner, as though he +were in possession of some perplexing intelligence, did not leave him +henceforth. A little later I moved away from the rail to look at the +compass with such a stealthy gait that the helmsman noticed it--and +I could not help noticing the unusual roundness of his eyes. These +are trifling instances, though it’s to no commander’s advantage to be +suspected of ludicrous eccentricities. But I was also more seriously +affected. There are to a seaman certain words, gestures, that should in +given conditions come as naturally, as instinctively as the winking of +a menaced eye. A certain order should spring on to his lips without +thinking; a certain sign should get itself made, so to speak, without +reflection. But all unconscious alertness had abandoned me. I had to +make an effort of will to recall myself back (from the cabin) to the +conditions of the moment. I felt that I was appearing an irresolute +commander to those people who were watching me more or less critically. + +And, besides, there were the scares. On the second day out, for +instance, coming off the deck in the afternoon (I had straw slippers +on my bare feet) I stopped at the open pantry door and spoke to the +steward. He was doing something there with his back to me. At the sound +of my voice he nearly jumped out of his skin, as the saying is, and +incidentally broke a cup. + +“What on earth’s the matter with you?” I asked, astonished. + +He was extremely confused. “Beg your pardon, sir. I made sure you were +in your cabin.” + +“You see I wasn’t.” + +“No, sir. I could have sworn I had heard you moving in there not a +moment ago. It’s most extraordinary... very sorry, sir.” + +I passed on with an inward shudder. I was so identified with my secret +double that I did not even mention the fact in those scanty, fearful +whispers we exchanged. I suppose he had made some slight noise of some +kind or other. It would have been miraculous if he hadn’t at one time +or another. And yet, haggard as he appeared, he looked always perfectly +self-controlled, more than calm--almost invulnerable. On my suggestion +he remained almost entirely in the bathroom, which, upon the whole, +was the safest place. There could be really no shadow of an excuse for +anyone ever wanting to go in there, once the steward had done with it. +It was a very tiny place. Sometimes he reclined on the floor, his legs +bent, his head sustained on one elbow. At others I would find him on the +campstool, sitting in his gray sleeping suit and with his cropped dark +hair like a patient, unmoved convict. At night I would smuggle him into +my bed place, and we would whisper together, with the regular footfalls +of the officer of the watch passing and repassing over our heads. It +was an infinitely miserable time. It was lucky that some tins of fine +preserves were stowed in a locker in my stateroom; hard bread I could +always get hold of; and so he lived on stewed chicken, _Pate de Foie +Gras_, asparagus, cooked oysters, sardines--on all sorts of abominable +sham delicacies out of tins. My early-morning coffee he always drank; +and it was all I dared do for him in that respect. + +Every day there was the horrible maneuvering to go through so that my +room and then the bathroom should be done in the usual way. I came to +hate the sight of the steward, to abhor the voice of that harmless man. +I felt that it was he who would bring on the disaster of discovery. It +hung like a sword over our heads. + +The fourth day out, I think (we were then working down the east side of +the Gulf of Siam, tack for tack, in light winds and smooth water)--the +fourth day, I say, of this miserable juggling with the unavoidable, +as we sat at our evening meal, that man, whose slightest movement I +dreaded, after putting down the dishes ran up on deck busily. This could +not be dangerous. Presently he came down again; and then it appeared +that he had remembered a coat of mine which I had thrown over a rail to +dry after having been wetted in a shower which had passed over the ship +in the afternoon. Sitting stolidly at the head of the table I became +terrified at the sight of the garment on his arm. Of course he made for +my door. There was no time to lose. + +“Steward,” I thundered. My nerves were so shaken that I could not govern +my voice and conceal my agitation. This was the sort of thing that made +my terrifically whiskered mate tap his forehead with his forefinger. +I had detected him using that gesture while talking on deck with a +confidential air to the carpenter. It was too far to hear a word, but +I had no doubt that this pantomime could only refer to the strange new +captain. + +“Yes, sir,” the pale-faced steward turned resignedly to me. It was this +maddening course of being shouted at, checked without rhyme or reason, +arbitrarily chased out of my cabin, suddenly called into it, sent flying +out of his pantry on incomprehensible errands, that accounted for the +growing wretchedness of his expression. + +“Where are you going with that coat?” + +“To your room, sir.” + +“Is there another shower coming?” + +“I’m sure I don’t know, sir. Shall I go up again and see, sir?” + +“No! never mind.” + +My object was attained, as of course my other self in there would have +heard everything that passed. During this interlude my two officers +never raised their eyes off their respective plates; but the lip of that +confounded cub, the second mate, quivered visibly. + +I expected the steward to hook my coat on and come out at once. He was +very slow about it; but I dominated my nervousness sufficiently not +to shout after him. Suddenly I became aware (it could be heard plainly +enough) that the fellow for some reason or other was opening the door of +the bathroom. It was the end. The place was literally not big enough to +swing a cat in. My voice died in my throat and I went stony all over. I +expected to hear a yell of surprise and terror, and made a movement, but +had not the strength to get on my legs. Everything remained still. Had +my second self taken the poor wretch by the throat? I don’t know what I +could have done next moment if I had not seen the steward come out of my +room, close the door, and then stand quietly by the sideboard. + +“Saved,” I thought. “But, no! Lost! Gone! He was gone!” + +I laid my knife and fork down and leaned back in my chair. My head swam. +After a while, when sufficiently recovered to speak in a steady voice, I +instructed my mate to put the ship round at eight o’clock himself. + +“I won’t come on deck,” I went on. “I think I’ll turn in, and unless the +wind shifts I don’t want to be disturbed before midnight. I feel a bit +seedy.” + +“You did look middling bad a little while ago,” the chief mate remarked +without showing any great concern. + +They both went out, and I stared at the steward clearing the table. +There was nothing to be read on that wretched man’s face. But why did he +avoid my eyes, I asked myself. Then I thought I should like to hear the +sound of his voice. + +“Steward!” + +“Sir!” Startled as usual. + +“Where did you hang up that coat?” + +“In the bathroom, sir.” The usual anxious tone. “It’s not quite dry yet, +sir.” + +For some time longer I sat in the cuddy. Had my double vanished as +he had come? But of his coming there was an explanation, whereas his +disappearance would be inexplicable.... I went slowly into my dark +room, shut the door, lighted the lamp, and for a time dared not turn +round. When at last I did I saw him standing bolt-upright in the +narrow recessed part. It would not be true to say I had a shock, but an +irresistible doubt of his bodily existence flitted through my mind. Can +it be, I asked myself, that he is not visible to other eyes than mine? +It was like being haunted. Motionless, with a grave face, he raised his +hands slightly at me in a gesture which meant clearly, “Heavens! what +a narrow escape!” Narrow indeed. I think I had come creeping quietly as +near insanity as any man who has not actually gone over the border. That +gesture restrained me, so to speak. + +The mate with the terrific whiskers was now putting the ship on the +other tack. In the moment of profound silence which follows upon the +hands going to their stations I heard on the poop his raised voice: +“Hard alee!” and the distant shout of the order repeated on the +main-deck. The sails, in that light breeze, made but a faint fluttering +noise. It ceased. The ship was coming round slowly: I held my breath +in the renewed stillness of expectation; one wouldn’t have thought +that there was a single living soul on her decks. A sudden brisk shout, +“Mainsail haul!” broke the spell, and in the noisy cries and rush +overhead of the men running away with the main brace we two, down in my +cabin, came together in our usual position by the bed place. + +He did not wait for my question. “I heard him fumbling here and just +managed to squat myself down in the bath,” he whispered to me. “The +fellow only opened the door and put his arm in to hang the coat up. All +the same--” + +“I never thought of that,” I whispered back, even more appalled than +before at the closeness of the shave, and marveling at that something +unyielding in his character which was carrying him through so finely. +There was no agitation in his whisper. Whoever was being driven +distracted, it was not he. He was sane. And the proof of his sanity was +continued when he took up the whispering again. + +“It would never do for me to come to life again.” + +It was something that a ghost might have said. But what he was alluding +to was his old captain’s reluctant admission of the theory of suicide. +It would obviously serve his turn--if I had understood at all the view +which seemed to govern the unalterable purpose of his action. + +“You must maroon me as soon as ever you can get amongst these islands +off the Cambodge shore,” he went on. + +“Maroon you! We are not living in a boy’s adventure tale,” I protested. +His scornful whispering took me up. + +“We aren’t indeed! There’s nothing of a boy’s tale in this. But there’s +nothing else for it. I want no more. You don’t suppose I am afraid of +what can be done to me? Prison or gallows or whatever they may please. +But you don’t see me coming back to explain such things to an old fellow +in a wig and twelve respectable tradesmen, do you? What can they know +whether I am guilty or not--or of _what_ I am guilty, either? That’s my +affair. What does the Bible say? ‘Driven off the face of the earth.’ +Very well, I am off the face of the earth now. As I came at night so I +shall go.” + +“Impossible!” I murmured. “You can’t.” + +“Can’t?... Not naked like a soul on the Day of Judgment. I shall +freeze on to this sleeping suit. The Last Day is not yet--and... you +have understood thoroughly. Didn’t you?” + +I felt suddenly ashamed of myself. I may say truly that I +understood--and my hesitation in letting that man swim away from my +ship’s side had been a mere sham sentiment, a sort of cowardice. + +“It can’t be done now till next night,” I breathed out. “The ship is on +the off-shore tack and the wind may fail us.” + +“As long as I know that you understand,” he whispered. “But of course +you do. It’s a great satisfaction to have got somebody to understand. +You seem to have been there on purpose.” And in the same whisper, as if +we two whenever we talked had to say things to each other which were not +fit for the world to hear, he added, “It’s very wonderful.” + +We remained side by side talking in our secret way--but sometimes +silent or just exchanging a whispered word or two at long intervals. And +as usual he stared through the port. A breath of wind came now and again +into our faces. The ship might have been moored in dock, so gently and +on an even keel she slipped through the water, that did not murmur even +at our passage, shadowy and silent like a phantom sea. + +At midnight I went on deck, and to my mate’s great surprise put the +ship round on the other tack. His terrible whiskers flitted round me +in silent criticism. I certainly should not have done it if it had +been only a question of getting out of that sleepy gulf as quickly as +possible. I believe he told the second mate, who relieved him, that it +was a great want of judgment. The other only yawned. That intolerable +cub shuffled about so sleepily and lolled against the rails in such a +slack, improper fashion that I came down on him sharply. + +“Aren’t you properly awake yet?” + +“Yes, sir! I am awake.” + +“Well, then, be good enough to hold yourself as if you were. And keep +a lookout. If there’s any current we’ll be closing with some islands +before daylight.” + +The east side of the gulf is fringed with islands, some solitary, others +in groups. On the blue background of the high coast they seem to float +on silvery patches of calm water, arid and gray, or dark green and +rounded like clumps of evergreen bushes, with the larger ones, a mile +or two long, showing the outlines of ridges, ribs of gray rock under the +dark mantle of matted leafage. Unknown to trade, to travel, almost to +geography, the manner of life they harbor is an unsolved secret. There +must be villages--settlements of fishermen at least--on the largest +of them, and some communication with the world is probably kept up by +native craft. But all that forenoon, as we headed for them, fanned along +by the faintest of breezes, I saw no sign of man or canoe in the field +of the telescope I kept on pointing at the scattered group. + +At noon I gave no orders for a change of course, and the mate’s whiskers +became much concerned and seemed to be offering themselves unduly to my +notice. At last I said: + +“I am going to stand right in. Quite in--as far as I can take her.” + +The stare of extreme surprise imparted an air of ferocity also to his +eyes, and he looked truly terrific for a moment. + +“We’re not doing well in the middle of the gulf,” I continued, casually. +“I am going to look for the land breezes tonight.” + +“Bless my soul! Do you mean, sir, in the dark amongst the lot of all +them islands and reefs and shoals?” + +“Well--if there are any regular land breezes at all on this coast one +must get close inshore to find them, mustn’t one?” + +“Bless my soul!” he exclaimed again under his breath. All that afternoon +he wore a dreamy, contemplative appearance which in him was a mark of +perplexity. After dinner I went into my stateroom as if I meant to take +some rest. There we two bent our dark heads over a half-unrolled chart +lying on my bed. + +“There,” I said. “It’s got to be Koh-ring. I’ve been looking at it +ever since sunrise. It has got two hills and a low point. It must be +inhabited. And on the coast opposite there is what looks like the mouth +of a biggish river--with some towns, no doubt, not far up. It’s the best +chance for you that I can see.” + +“Anything. Koh-ring let it be.” + +He looked thoughtfully at the chart as if surveying chances and +distances from a lofty height--and following with his eyes his own +figure wandering on the blank land of Cochin-China, and then passing off +that piece of paper clean out of sight into uncharted regions. And it +was as if the ship had two captains to plan her course for her. I had +been so worried and restless running up and down that I had not had the +patience to dress that day. I had remained in my sleeping suit, with +straw slippers and a soft floppy hat. The closeness of the heat in +the gulf had been most oppressive, and the crew were used to seeing me +wandering in that airy attire. + +“She will clear the south point as she heads now,” I whispered into his +ear. “Goodness only knows when, though, but certainly after dark. I’ll +edge her in to half a mile, as far as I may be able to judge in the +dark--” + +“Be careful,” he murmured, warningly--and I realized suddenly that +all my future, the only future for which I was fit, would perhaps go +irretrievably to pieces in any mishap to my first command. + +I could not stop a moment longer in the room. I motioned him to get out +of sight and made my way on the poop. That unplayful cub had the watch. +I walked up and down for a while thinking things out, then beckoned him +over. + +“Send a couple of hands to open the two quarter-deck ports,” I said, +mildly. + +He actually had the impudence, or else so forgot himself in his wonder +at such an incomprehensible order, as to repeat: + +“Open the quarter-deck ports! What for, sir?” + +“The only reason you need concern yourself about is because I tell you +to do so. Have them open wide and fastened properly.” + +He reddened and went off, but I believe made some jeering remark to +the carpenter as to the sensible practice of ventilating a ship’s +quarter-deck. I know he popped into the mate’s cabin to impart the fact +to him because the whiskers came on deck, as it were by chance, and +stole glances at me from below--for signs of lunacy or drunkenness, I +suppose. + +A little before supper, feeling more restless than ever, I rejoined, +for a moment, my second self. And to find him sitting so quietly was +surprising, like something against nature, inhuman. + +I developed my plan in a hurried whisper. + +“I shall stand in as close as I dare and then put her round. I will +presently find means to smuggle you out of here into the sail locker, +which communicates with the lobby. But there is an opening, a sort +of square for hauling the sails out, which gives straight on the +quarter-deck and which is never closed in fine weather, so as to give +air to the sails. When the ship’s way is deadened in stays and all the +hands are aft at the main braces you will have a clear road to slip out +and get overboard through the open quarter-deck port. I’ve had them both +fastened up. Use a rope’s end to lower yourself into the water so as +to avoid a splash--you know. It could be heard and cause some beastly +complication.” + +He kept silent for a while, then whispered, “I understand.” + +“I won’t be there to see you go,” I began with an effort. “The rest +... I only hope I have understood, too.” + +“You have. From first to last”--and for the first time there seemed to +be a faltering, something strained in his whisper. He caught hold of my +arm, but the ringing of the supper bell made me start. He didn’t though; +he only released his grip. + +After supper I didn’t come below again till well past eight o’clock. The +faint, steady breeze was loaded with dew; and the wet, darkened sails +held all there was of propelling power in it. The night, clear and +starry, sparkled darkly, and the opaque, lightless patches shifting +slowly against the low stars were the drifting islets. On the port bow +there was a big one more distant and shadowily imposing by the great +space of sky it eclipsed. + +On opening the door I had a back view of my very own self looking at a +chart. He had come out of the recess and was standing near the table. + +“Quite dark enough,” I whispered. + +He stepped back and leaned against my bed with a level, quiet glance. +I sat on the couch. We had nothing to say to each other. Over our heads +the officer of the watch moved here and there. Then I heard him move +quickly. I knew what that meant. He was making for the companion; and +presently his voice was outside my door. + +“We are drawing in pretty fast, sir. Land looks rather close.” + +“Very well,” I answered. “I am coming on deck directly.” + +I waited till he was gone out of the cuddy, then rose. My double moved +too. The time had come to exchange our last whispers, for neither of us +was ever to hear each other’s natural voice. + +“Look here!” I opened a drawer and took out three sovereigns. “Take this +anyhow. I’ve got six and I’d give you the lot, only I must keep a little +money to buy some fruit and vegetables for the crew from native boats as +we go through Sunda Straits.” + +He shook his head. + +“Take it,” I urged him, whispering desperately. “No one can tell what--” + +He smiled and slapped meaningly the only pocket of the sleeping jacket. +It was not safe, certainly. But I produced a large old silk handkerchief +of mine, and tying the three pieces of gold in a corner, pressed it on +him. He was touched, I supposed, because he took it at last and tied it +quickly round his waist under the jacket, on his bare skin. + +Our eyes met; several seconds elapsed, till, our glances still mingled, +I extended my hand and turned the lamp out. Then I passed through the +cuddy, leaving the door of my room wide open.... “Steward!” + +He was still lingering in the pantry in the greatness of his zeal, +giving a rub-up to a plated cruet stand the last thing before going to +bed. Being careful not to wake up the mate, whose room was opposite, I +spoke in an undertone. + +He looked round anxiously. “Sir!” + +“Can you get me a little hot water from the galley?” + +“I am afraid, sir, the galley fire’s been out for some time now.” + +“Go and see.” + +He flew up the stairs. + +“Now,” I whispered, loudly, into the saloon--too loudly, perhaps, but I +was afraid I couldn’t make a sound. He was by my side in an instant--the +double captain slipped past the stairs--through a tiny dark passage +... a sliding door. We were in the sail locker, scrambling on our knees +over the sails. A sudden thought struck me. I saw myself wandering +barefooted, bareheaded, the sun beating on my dark poll. I snatched +off my floppy hat and tried hurriedly in the dark to ram it on my other +self. He dodged and fended off silently. I wonder what he thought had +come to me before he understood and suddenly desisted. Our hands met +gropingly, lingered united in a steady, motionless clasp for a second. +... No word was breathed by either of us when they separated. + +I was standing quietly by the pantry door when the steward returned. + +“Sorry, sir. Kettle barely warm. Shall I light the spirit lamp?” + +“Never mind.” + +I came out on deck slowly. It was now a matter of conscience to shave +the land as close as possible--for now he must go overboard whenever the +ship was put in stays. Must! There could be no going back for him. After +a moment I walked over to leeward and my heart flew into my mouth at the +nearness of the land on the bow. Under any other circumstances I would +not have held on a minute longer. The second mate had followed me +anxiously. + +I looked on till I felt I could command my voice. + +“She will weather,” I said then in a quiet tone. + +“Are you going to try that, sir?” he stammered out incredulously. + +I took no notice of him and raised my tone just enough to be heard by +the helmsman. + +“Keep her good full.” + +“Good full, sir.” + +The wind fanned my cheek, the sails slept, the world was silent. The +strain of watching the dark loom of the land grow bigger and denser was +too much for me. I had shut my eyes--because the ship must go closer. +She must! The stillness was intolerable. Were we standing still? + +When I opened my eyes the second view started my heart with a thump. The +black southern hill of Koh-ring seemed to hang right over the ship +like a towering fragment of everlasting night. On that enormous mass of +blackness there was not a gleam to be seen, not a sound to be heard. It +was gliding irresistibly towards us and yet seemed already within reach +of the hand. I saw the vague figures of the watch grouped in the waist, +gazing in awed silence. + +“Are you going on, sir?” inquired an unsteady voice at my elbow. + +I ignored it. I had to go on. + +“Keep her full. Don’t check her way. That won’t do now,” I said +warningly. + +“I can’t see the sails very well,” the helmsman answered me, in strange, +quavering tones. + +Was she close enough? Already she was, I won’t say in the shadow of the +land, but in the very blackness of it, already swallowed up as it were, +gone too close to be recalled, gone from me altogether. + +“Give the mate a call,” I said to the young man who stood at my elbow as +still as death. “And turn all hands up.” + +My tone had a borrowed loudness reverberated from the height of the +land. Several voices cried out together: “We are all on deck, sir.” + +Then stillness again, with the great shadow gliding closer, towering +higher, without a light, without a sound. Such a hush had fallen on +the ship that she might have been a bark of the dead floating in slowly +under the very gate of Erebus. + +“My God! Where are we?” + +It was the mate moaning at my elbow. He was thunderstruck, and as it +were deprived of the moral support of his whiskers. He clapped his hands +and absolutely cried out, “Lost!” + +“Be quiet,” I said, sternly. + +He lowered his tone, but I saw the shadowy gesture of his despair. “What +are we doing here?” + +“Looking for the land wind.” + +He made as if to tear his hair, and addressed me recklessly. + +“She will never get out. You have done it, sir. I knew it’d end in +something like this. She will never weather, and you are too close now +to stay. She’ll drift ashore before she’s round. Oh my God!” + +I caught his arm as he was raising it to batter his poor devoted head, +and shook it violently. + +“She’s ashore already,” he wailed, trying to tear himself away. + +“Is she?... Keep good full there!” + +“Good full, sir,” cried the helmsman in a frightened, thin, childlike +voice. + +I hadn’t let go the mate’s arm and went on shaking it. “Ready about, +do you hear? You go forward”--shake--“and stop there”--shake--“and hold +your noise”--shake--“and see these head-sheets properly +overhauled”--shake, shake--shake. + +And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest my heart should +fail me. I released my grip at last and he ran forward as if fleeing for +dear life. + +I wondered what my double there in the sail locker thought of this +commotion. He was able to hear everything--and perhaps he was able to +understand why, on my conscience, it had to be thus close--no less. My +first order “Hard alee!” re-echoed ominously under the towering shadow +of Koh-ring as if I had shouted in a mountain gorge. And then I watched +the land intently. In that smooth water and light wind it was impossible +to feel the ship coming-to. No! I could not feel her. And my second self +was making now ready to ship out and lower himself overboard. Perhaps he +was gone already...? + +The great black mass brooding over our very mastheads began to pivot +away from the ship’s side silently. And now I forgot the secret stranger +ready to depart, and remembered only that I was a total stranger to the +ship. I did not know her. Would she do it? How was she to be handled? + +I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly. She was perhaps stopped, and +her very fate hung in the balance, with the black mass of Koh-ring like +the gate of the everlasting night towering over her taffrail. What would +she do now? Had she way on her yet? I stepped to the side swiftly, and +on the shadowy water I could see nothing except a faint phosphorescent +flash revealing the glassy smoothness of the sleeping surface. It was +impossible to tell--and I had not learned yet the feel of my ship. Was +she moving? What I needed was something easily seen, a piece of paper, +which I could throw overboard and watch. I had nothing on me. To run +down for it I didn’t dare. There was no time. All at once my strained, +yearning stare distinguished a white object floating within a yard of +the ship’s side. White on the black water. A phosphorescent flash passed +under it. What was that thing?... I recognized my own floppy hat. It +must have fallen off his head... and he didn’t bother. Now I had what +I wanted--the saving mark for my eyes. But I hardly thought of my other +self, now gone from the ship, to be hidden forever from all friendly +faces, to be a fugitive and a vagabond on the earth, with no brand of +the curse on his sane forehead to stay a slaying hand... too proud to +explain. + +And I watched the hat--the expression of my sudden pity for his mere +flesh. It had been meant to save his homeless head from the dangers of +the sun. And now--behold--it was saving the ship, by serving me for a +mark to help out the ignorance of my strangeness. Ha! It was drifting +forward, warning me just in time that the ship had gathered sternaway. + +“Shift the helm,” I said in a low voice to the seaman standing still +like a statue. + +The man’s eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as he jumped round +to the other side and spun round the wheel. + +I walked to the break of the poop. On the over-shadowed deck all hands +stood by the forebraces waiting for my order. The stars ahead seemed to +be gliding from right to left. And all was so still in the world that +I heard the quiet remark, “She’s round,” passed in a tone of intense +relief between two seamen. + +“Let go and haul.” + +The foreyards ran round with a great noise, amidst cheery cries. And +now the frightful whiskers made themselves heard giving various orders. +Already the ship was drawing ahead. And I was alone with her. Nothing! +no one in the world should stand now between us, throwing a shadow on +the way of silent knowledge and mute affection, the perfect communion of +a seaman with his first command. + +Walking to the taffrail, I was in time to make out, on the very edge +of a darkness thrown by a towering black mass like the very gateway of +Erebus--yes, I was in time to catch an evanescent glimpse of my white +hat left behind to mark the spot where the secret sharer of my cabin and +of my thoughts, as though he were my second self, had lowered himself +into the water to take his punishment: a free man, a proud swimmer +striking out for a new destiny. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Secret Sharer, by Joseph Conrad + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + +***** This file should be named 220-0.txt or 220-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/220/ + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Secret Sharer + +Author: Joseph Conrad + +Release Date: June 18, 2009 [EBook #220] +Last Updated: November 17, 2012 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE SECRET SHARER + </h1> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Joseph Conrad + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + Contents + </h3> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + I + </h2> + <p> + On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes resembling a + mysterious system of half-submerged bamboo fences, incomprehensible in its + division of the domain of tropical fishes, and crazy of aspect as if + abandoned forever by some nomad tribe of fishermen now gone to the other + end of the ocean; for there was no sign of human habitation as far as the + eye could reach. To the left a group of barren islets, suggesting ruins of + stone walls, towers, and blockhouses, had its foundations set in a blue + sea that itself looked solid, so still and stable did it lie below my + feet; even the track of light from the westering sun shone smoothly, + without that animated glitter which tells of an imperceptible ripple. And + when I turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug which had just + left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the straight line of the flat + shore joined to the stable sea, edge to edge, with a perfect and unmarked + closeness, in one leveled floor half brown, half blue under the enormous + dome of the sky. Corresponding in their insignificance to the islets of + the sea, two small clumps of trees, one on each side of the only fault in + the impeccable joint, marked the mouth of the river Meinam we had just + left on the first preparatory stage of our homeward journey; and, far back + on the inland level, a larger and loftier mass, the grove surrounding the + great Paknam pagoda, was the only thing on which the eye could rest from + the vain task of exploring the monotonous sweep of the horizon. Here and + there gleams as of a few scattered pieces of silver marked the windings of + the great river; and on the nearest of them, just within the bar, the tug + steaming right into the land became lost to my sight, hull and funnel and + masts, as though the impassive earth had swallowed her up without an + effort, without a tremor. My eye followed the light cloud of her smoke, + now here, now there, above the plain, according to the devious curves of + the stream, but always fainter and farther away, till I lost it at last + behind the miter-shaped hill of the great pagoda. And then I was left + alone with my ship, anchored at the head of the Gulf of Siam. + </p> + <p> + She floated at the starting point of a long journey, very still in an + immense stillness, the shadows of her spars flung far to the eastward by + the setting sun. At that moment I was alone on her decks. There was not a + sound in her—and around us nothing moved, nothing lived, not a canoe + on the water, not a bird in the air, not a cloud in the sky. In this + breathless pause at the threshold of a long passage we seemed to be + measuring our fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed + task of both our existences to be carried out, far from all human eyes, + with only sky and sea for spectators and for judges. + </p> + <p> + There must have been some glare in the air to interfere with one’s sight, + because it was only just before the sun left us that my roaming eyes made + out beyond the highest ridges of the principal islet of the group + something which did away with the solemnity of perfect solitude. The tide + of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with tropical suddenness a swarm of + stars came out above the shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, my hand + resting lightly on my ship’s rail as if on the shoulder of a trusted + friend. But, with all that multitude of celestial bodies staring down at + one, the comfort of quiet communion with her was gone for good. And there + were also disturbing sounds by this time—voices, footsteps forward; + the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily ministering spirit; a + hand bell tinkled urgently under the poop deck.... + </p> + <p> + I found my two officers waiting for me near the supper table, in the + lighted cuddy. We sat down at once, and as I helped the chief mate, I + said: + </p> + <p> + “Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside the islands? I saw her + mastheads above the ridge as the sun went down.” + </p> + <p> + He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a terrible growth of + whisker, and emitted his usual ejaculations: “Bless my soul, sir! You + don’t say so!” + </p> + <p> + My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young man, grave beyond his + years, I thought; but as our eyes happened to meet I detected a slight + quiver on his lips. I looked down at once. It was not my part to encourage + sneering on board my ship. It must be said, too, that I knew very little + of my officers. In consequence of certain events of no particular + significance, except to myself, I had been appointed to the command only a + fortnight before. Neither did I know much of the hands forward. All these + people had been together for eighteen months or so, and my position was + that of the only stranger on board. I mention this because it has some + bearing on what is to follow. But what I felt most was my being a stranger + to the ship; and if all the truth must be told, I was somewhat of a + stranger to myself. The youngest man on board (barring the second mate), + and untried as yet by a position of the fullest responsibility, I was + willing to take the adequacy of the others for granted. They had simply to + be equal to their tasks; but I wondered how far I should turn out faithful + to that ideal conception of one’s own personality every man sets up for + himself secretly. + </p> + <p> + Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect of collaboration on + the part of his round eyes and frightful whiskers, was trying to evolve a + theory of the anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all things + into earnest consideration. He was of a painstaking turn of mind. As he + used to say, he “liked to account to himself” for practically everything + that came in his way, down to a miserable scorpion he had found in his + cabin a week before. The why and the wherefore of that scorpion—how + it got on board and came to select his room rather than the pantry (which + was a dark place and more what a scorpion would be partial to), and how on + earth it managed to drown itself in the inkwell of his writing desk—had + exercised him infinitely. The ship within the islands was much more easily + accounted for; and just as we were about to rise from table he made his + pronouncement. She was, he doubted not, a ship from home lately arrived. + Probably she drew too much water to cross the bar except at the top of + spring tides. Therefore she went into that natural harbor to wait for a + few days in preference to remaining in an open roadstead. + </p> + <p> + “That’s so,” confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in his slightly hoarse + voice. “She draws over twenty feet. She’s the Liverpool ship Sephora with + a cargo of coal. Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff.” + </p> + <p> + We looked at him in surprise. + </p> + <p> + “The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board for your letters, sir,” + explained the young man. “He expects to take her up the river the day + after tomorrow.” + </p> + <p> + After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his information he slipped + out of the cabin. The mate observed regretfully that he “could not account + for that young fellow’s whims.” What prevented him telling us all about it + at once, he wanted to know. + </p> + <p> + I detained him as he was making a move. For the last two days the crew had + had plenty of hard work, and the night before they had very little sleep. + I felt painfully that I—a stranger—was doing something unusual + when I directed him to let all hands turn in without setting an anchor + watch. I proposed to keep on deck myself till one o’clock or thereabouts. + I would get the second mate to relieve me at that hour. + </p> + <p> + “He will turn out the cook and the steward at four,” I concluded, “and + then give you a call. Of course at the slightest sign of any sort of wind + we’ll have the hands up and make a start at once.” + </p> + <p> + He concealed his astonishment. “Very well, sir.” Outside the cuddy he put + his head in the second mate’s door to inform him of my unheard-of caprice + to take a five hours’ anchor watch on myself. I heard the other raise his + voice incredulously—“What? The Captain himself?” Then a few more + murmurs, a door closed, then another. A few moments later I went on deck. + </p> + <p> + My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had prompted that + unconventional arrangement, as if I had expected in those solitary hours + of the night to get on terms with the ship of which I knew nothing, manned + by men of whom I knew very little more. Fast alongside a wharf, littered + like any ship in port with a tangle of unrelated things, invaded by + unrelated shore people, I had hardly seen her yet properly. Now, as she + lay cleared for sea, the stretch of her main-deck seemed to me very fine + under the stars. Very fine, very roomy for her size, and very inviting. I + descended the poop and paced the waist, my mind picturing to myself the + coming passage through the Malay Archipelago, down the Indian Ocean, and + up the Atlantic. All its phases were familiar enough to me, every + characteristic, all the alternatives which were likely to face me on the + high seas—everything!... except the novel responsibility of command. + But I took heart from the reasonable thought that the ship was like other + ships, the men like other men, and that the sea was not likely to keep any + special surprises expressly for my discomfiture. + </p> + <p> + Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought myself of a cigar and + went below to get it. All was still down there. Everybody at the after end + of the ship was sleeping profoundly. I came out again on the quarter-deck, + agreeably at ease in my sleeping suit on that warm breathless night, + barefooted, a glowing cigar in my teeth, and, going forward, I was met by + the profound silence of the fore end of the ship. Only as I passed the + door of the forecastle, I heard a deep, quiet, trustful sigh of some + sleeper inside. And suddenly I rejoiced in the great security of the sea + as compared with the unrest of the land, in my choice of that untempted + life presenting no disquieting problems, invested with an elementary moral + beauty by the absolute straightforwardness of its appeal and by the + singleness of its purpose. + </p> + <p> + The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, untroubled, as if + symbolic, flame, confident and bright in the mysterious shades of the + night. Passing on my way aft along the other side of the ship, I observed + that the rope side ladder, put over, no doubt, for the master of the tug + when he came to fetch away our letters, had not been hauled in as it + should have been. I became annoyed at this, for exactitude in some small + matters is the very soul of discipline. Then I reflected that I had myself + peremptorily dismissed my officers from duty, and by my own act had + prevented the anchor watch being formally set and things properly attended + to. I asked myself whether it was wise ever to interfere with the + established routine of duties even from the kindest of motives. My action + might have made me appear eccentric. Goodness only knew how that absurdly + whiskered mate would “account” for my conduct, and what the whole ship + thought of that informality of their new captain. I was vexed with myself. + </p> + <p> + Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were mechanically, I proceeded + to get the ladder in myself. Now a side ladder of that sort is a light + affair and comes in easily, yet my vigorous tug, which should have brought + it flying on board, merely recoiled upon my body in a totally unexpected + jerk. What the devil!... I was so astounded by the immovableness of that + ladder that I remained stock-still, trying to account for it to myself + like that imbecile mate of mine. In the end, of course, I put my head over + the rail. + </p> + <p> + The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow on the darkling glassy + shimmer of the sea. But I saw at once something elongated and pale + floating very close to the ladder. Before I could form a guess a faint + flash of phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly from the + naked body of a man, flickered in the sleeping water with the elusive, + silent play of summer lightning in a night sky. With a gasp I saw revealed + to my stare a pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid back immersed + right up to the neck in a greenish cadaverous glow. One hand, awash, + clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. He was complete but for the head. + A headless corpse! The cigar dropped out of my gaping mouth with a tiny + plop and a short hiss quite audible in the absolute stillness of all + things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up his face, a dimly pale + oval in the shadow of the ship’s side. But even then I could only barely + make out down there the shape of his black-haired head. However, it was + enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation which had gripped me about + the chest to pass off. The moment of vain exclamations was past, too. I + only climbed on the spare spar and leaned over the rail as far as I could, + to bring my eyes nearer to that mystery floating alongside. + </p> + <p> + As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, the sea lightning played + about his limbs at every stir; and he appeared in it ghastly, silvery, + fishlike. He remained as mute as a fish, too. He made no motion to get out + of the water, either. It was inconceivable that he should not attempt to + come on board, and strangely troubling to suspect that perhaps he did not + want to. And my first words were prompted by just that troubled + incertitude. + </p> + <p> + “What’s the matter?” I asked in my ordinary tone, speaking down to the + face upturned exactly under mine. + </p> + <p> + “Cramp,” it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, “I say, no need to + call anyone.” + </p> + <p> + “I was not going to,” I said. + </p> + <p> + “Are you alone on deck?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes.” + </p> + <p> + I had somehow the impression that he was on the point of letting go the + ladder to swim away beyond my ken—mysterious as he came. But, for + the moment, this being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the + sea (it was certainly the nearest land to the ship) wanted only to know + the time. I told him. And he, down there, tentatively: + </p> + <p> + “I suppose your captain’s turned in?” + </p> + <p> + “I am sure he isn’t,” I said. + </p> + <p> + He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard something like the low, + bitter murmur of doubt. “What’s the good?” His next words came out with a + hesitating effort. + </p> + <p> + “Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?” + </p> + <p> + I thought the time had come to declare myself. + </p> + <p> + “I am the captain.” + </p> + <p> + I heard a “By Jove!” whispered at the level of the water. The + phosphorescence flashed in the swirl of the water all about his limbs, his + other hand seized the ladder. + </p> + <p> + “My name’s Leggatt.” + </p> + <p> + The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The self-possession of that + man had somehow induced a corresponding state in myself. It was very + quietly that I remarked: + </p> + <p> + “You must be a good swimmer.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. I’ve been in the water practically since nine o’clock. The question + for me now is whether I am to let go this ladder and go on swimming till I + sink from exhaustion, or—to come on board here.” + </p> + <p> + I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, but a real + alternative in the view of a strong soul. I should have gathered from this + that he was young; indeed, it is only the young who are ever confronted by + such clear issues. But at the time it was pure intuition on my part. A + mysterious communication was established already between us two—in + the face of that silent, darkened tropical sea. I was young, too; young + enough to make no comment. The man in the water began suddenly to climb up + the ladder, and I hastened away from the rail to fetch some clothes. + </p> + <p> + Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in the lobby at the + foot of the stairs. A faint snore came through the closed door of the + chief mate’s room. The second mate’s door was on the hook, but the + darkness in there was absolutely soundless. He, too, was young and could + sleep like a stone. Remained the steward, but he was not likely to wake up + before he was called. I got a sleeping suit out of my room and, coming + back on deck, saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main hatch, + glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on his knees and his head in + his hands. In a moment he had concealed his damp body in a sleeping suit + of the same gray-stripe pattern as the one I was wearing and followed me + like my double on the poop. Together we moved right aft, barefooted, + silent. + </p> + <p> + “What is it?” I asked in a deadened voice, taking the lighted lamp out of + the binnacle, and raising it to his face. + </p> + <p> + “An ugly business.” + </p> + <p> + He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light eyes under somewhat + heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, square forehead; no growth on his cheeks; + a small, brown mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. His expression was + concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting light of the lamp I held up + to his face; such as a man thinking hard in solitude might wear. My + sleeping suit was just right for his size. A well-knit young fellow of + twenty-five at most. He caught his lower lip with the edge of white, even + teeth. + </p> + <p> + “Yes,” I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. The warm, heavy + tropical night closed upon his head again. + </p> + <p> + “There’s a ship over there,” he murmured. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?” + </p> + <p> + “Hadn’t the slightest idea. I am the mate of her—” He paused and + corrected himself. “I should say I <i>was</i>.” + </p> + <p> + “Aha! Something wrong?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. Very wrong indeed. I’ve killed a man.” + </p> + <p> + “What do you mean? Just now?” + </p> + <p> + “No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. When I say a man—” + </p> + <p> + “Fit of temper,” I suggested, confidently. + </p> + <p> + The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod imperceptibly above the + ghostly gray of my sleeping suit. It was, in the night, as though I had + been faced by my own reflection in the depths of a somber and immense + mirror. + </p> + <p> + “A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway boy,” murmured my + double, distinctly. + </p> + <p> + “You’re a Conway boy?” + </p> + <p> + “I am,” he said, as if startled. Then, slowly... “Perhaps you too—” + </p> + <p> + It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left before he joined. + After a quick interchange of dates a silence fell; and I thought suddenly + of my absurd mate with his terrific whiskers and the “Bless my soul—you + don’t say so” type of intellect. My double gave me an inkling of his + thoughts by saying: “My father’s a parson in Norfolk. Do you see me before + a judge and jury on that charge? For myself I can’t see the necessity. + There are fellows that an angel from heaven—And I am not that. He + was one of those creatures that are just simmering all the time with a + silly sort of wickedness. Miserable devils that have no business to live + at all. He wouldn’t do his duty and wouldn’t let anybody else do theirs. + But what’s the good of talking! You know well enough the sort of + ill-conditioned snarling cur—” + </p> + <p> + He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as identical as our + clothes. And I knew well enough the pestiferous danger of such a character + where there are no means of legal repression. And I knew well enough also + that my double there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not think of asking + him for details, and he told me the story roughly in brusque, disconnected + sentences. I needed no more. I saw it all going on as though I were myself + inside that other sleeping suit. + </p> + <p> + “It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at dusk. Reefed + foresail! You understand the sort of weather. The only sail we had left to + keep the ship running; so you may guess what it had been like for days. + Anxious sort of job, that. He gave me some of his cursed insolence at the + sheet. I tell you I was overdone with this terrific weather that seemed to + have no end to it. Terrific, I tell you—and a deep ship. I believe + the fellow himself was half crazed with funk. It was no time for + gentlemanly reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox. He up + and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for the ship. All hands saw + it coming and took to the rigging, but I had him by the throat, and went + on shaking him like a rat, the men above us yelling, ‘Look out! look out!’ + Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. They say that for over + ten minutes hardly anything was to be seen of the ship—just the + three masts and a bit of the forecastle head and of the poop all awash + driving along in a smother of foam. It was a miracle that they found us, + jammed together behind the forebitts. It’s clear that I meant business, + because I was holding him by the throat still when they picked us up. He + was black in the face. It was too much for them. It seems they rushed us + aft together, gripped as we were, screaming ‘Murder!’ like a lot of + lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. And the ship running for her life, + touch and go all the time, any minute her last in a sea fit to turn your + hair gray only a-looking at it. I understand that the skipper, too, + started raving like the rest of them. The man had been deprived of sleep + for more than a week, and to have this sprung on him at the height of a + furious gale nearly drove him out of his mind. I wonder they didn’t fling + me overboard after getting the carcass of their precious shipmate out of + my fingers. They had rather a job to separate us, I’ve been told. A + sufficiently fierce story to make an old judge and a respectable jury sit + up a bit. The first thing I heard when I came to myself was the maddening + howling of that endless gale, and on that the voice of the old man. He was + hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face out of his sou’wester. + </p> + <p> + “‘Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no longer as chief mate + of this ship.’” + </p> + <p> + His care to subdue his voice made it sound monotonous. He rested a hand on + the end of the skylight to steady himself with, and all that time did not + stir a limb, so far as I could see. “Nice little tale for a quiet tea + party,” he concluded in the same tone. + </p> + <p> + One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; neither did I + stir a limb, so far as I knew. We stood less than a foot from each other. + It occurred to me that if old “Bless my soul—you don’t say so” were + to put his head up the companion and catch sight of us, he would think he + was seeing double, or imagine himself come upon a scene of weird + witchcraft; the strange captain having a quiet confabulation by the wheel + with his own gray ghost. I became very much concerned to prevent anything + of the sort. I heard the other’s soothing undertone. + </p> + <p> + “My father’s a parson in Norfolk,” it said. Evidently he had forgotten he + had told me this important fact before. Truly a nice little tale. + </p> + <p> + “You had better slip down into my stateroom now,” I said, moving off + stealthily. My double followed my movements; our bare feet made no sound; + I let him in, closed the door with care, and, after giving a call to the + second mate, returned on deck for my relief. + </p> + <p> + “Not much sign of any wind yet,” I remarked when he approached. + </p> + <p> + “No, sir. Not much,” he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse voice, with just + enough deference, no more, and barely suppressing a yawn. + </p> + <p> + “Well, that’s all you have to look out for. You have got your orders.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir.” + </p> + <p> + I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take up his position face + forward with his elbow in the ratlines of the mizzen rigging before I went + below. The mate’s faint snoring was still going on peacefully. The cuddy + lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase with flowers, a + polite attention from the ship’s provision merchant—the last flowers + we should see for the next three months at the very least. Two bunches of + bananas hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each side of the rudder + casing. Everything was as before in the ship—except that two of her + captain’s sleeping suits were simultaneously in use, one motionless in the + cuddy, the other keeping very still in the captain’s stateroom. + </p> + <p> + It must be explained here that my cabin had the form of the capital letter + L, the door being within the angle and opening into the short part of the + letter. A couch was to the left, the bed place to the right; my writing + desk and the chronometers’ table faced the door. But anyone opening it, + unless he stepped right inside, had no view of what I call the long (or + vertical) part of the letter. It contained some lockers surmounted by a + bookcase; and a few clothes, a thick jacket or two, caps, oilskin coat, + and such like, hung on hooks. There was at the bottom of that part a door + opening into my bathroom, which could be entered also directly from the + saloon. But that way was never used. + </p> + <p> + The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage of this particular + shape. Entering my room, lighted strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung on + gimbals above my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he stepped + out quietly from behind the coats hung in the recessed part. + </p> + <p> + “I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at once,” he whispered. + </p> + <p> + I, too, spoke under my breath. + </p> + <p> + “Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking and getting + permission.” + </p> + <p> + He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, as though he had been + ill. And no wonder. He had been, I heard presently, kept under arrest in + his cabin for nearly seven weeks. But there was nothing sickly in his eyes + or in his expression. He was not a bit like me, really; yet, as we stood + leaning over my bed place, whispering side by side, with our dark heads + together and our backs to the door, anybody bold enough to open it + stealthily would have been treated to the uncanny sight of a double + captain busy talking in whispers with his other self. + </p> + <p> + “But all this doesn’t tell me how you came to hang on to our side ladder,” + I inquired, in the hardly audible murmurs we used, after he had told me + something more of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the bad + weather was over. + </p> + <p> + “When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think all those matters out + several times over. I had six weeks of doing nothing else, and with only + an hour or so every evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck.” + </p> + <p> + He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed place, staring through + the open port. And I could imagine perfectly the manner of this thinking + out—a stubborn if not a steadfast operation; something of which I + should have been perfectly incapable. + </p> + <p> + “I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the land,” he + continued, so low that I had to strain my hearing near as we were to each + other, shoulder touching shoulder almost. “So I asked to speak to the old + man. He always seemed very sick when he came to see me—as if he + could not look me in the face. You know, that foresail saved the ship. She + was too deep to have run long under bare poles. And it was I that managed + to set it for him. Anyway, he came. When I had him in my cabin—he + stood by the door looking at me as if I had the halter round my neck + already—I asked him right away to leave my cabin door unlocked at + night while the ship was going through Sunda Straits. There would be the + Java coast within two or three miles, off Angier Point. I wanted nothing + more. I’ve had a prize for swimming my second year in the Conway.” + </p> + <p> + “I can believe it,” I breathed out. + </p> + <p> + “God only knows why they locked me in every night. To see some of their + faces you’d have thought they were afraid I’d go about at night strangling + people. Am I a murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I had been he + wouldn’t have trusted himself like that into my room. You’ll say I might + have chucked him aside and bolted out, there and then—it was dark + already. Well, no. And for the same reason I wouldn’t think of trying to + smash the door. There would have been a rush to stop me at the noise, and + I did not mean to get into a confounded scrimmage. Somebody else might + have got killed—for I would not have broken out only to get chucked + back, and I did not want any more of that work. He refused, looking more + sick than ever. He was afraid of the men, and also of that old second mate + of his who had been sailing with him for years—a gray-headed old + humbug; and his steward, too, had been with him devil knows how long—seventeen + years or more—a dogmatic sort of loafer who hated me like poison, + just because I was the chief mate. No chief mate ever made more than one + voyage in the Sephora, you know. Those two old chaps ran the ship. Devil + only knows what the skipper wasn’t afraid of (all his nerve went to pieces + altogether in that hellish spell of bad weather we had)—of what the + law would do to him—of his wife, perhaps. Oh, yes! she’s on board. + Though I don’t think she would have meddled. She would have been only too + glad to have me out of the ship in any way. The ‘brand of Cain’ business, + don’t you see. That’s all right. I was ready enough to go off wandering on + the face of the earth—and that was price enough to pay for an Abel + of that sort. Anyhow, he wouldn’t listen to me. ‘This thing must take its + course. I represent the law here.’ He was shaking like a leaf. ‘So you + won’t?’ ‘No!’ ‘Then I hope you will be able to sleep on that,’ I said, and + turned my back on him. ‘I wonder that you can,’ cries he, and locks the + door. + </p> + <p> + “Well after that, I couldn’t. Not very well. That was three weeks ago. We + have had a slow passage through the Java Sea; drifted about Carimata for + ten days. When we anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was all right. + The nearest land (and that’s five miles) is the ship’s destination; the + consul would soon set about catching me; and there would have been no + object in holding to these islets there. I don’t suppose there’s a drop of + water on them. I don’t know how it was, but tonight that steward, after + bringing me my supper, went out to let me eat it, and left the door + unlocked. And I ate it—all there was, too. After I had finished I + strolled out on the quarter-deck. I don’t know that I meant to do + anything. A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I believe. Then a sudden + temptation came over me. I kicked off my slippers and was in the water + before I had made up my mind fairly. Somebody heard the splash and they + raised an awful hullabaloo. ‘He’s gone! Lower the boats! He’s committed + suicide! No, he’s swimming.’ Certainly I was swimming. It’s not so easy + for a swimmer like me to commit suicide by drowning. I landed on the + nearest islet before the boat left the ship’s side. I heard them pulling + about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but after a bit they gave up. + Everything quieted down and the anchorage became still as death. I sat + down on a stone and began to think. I felt certain they would start + searching for me at daylight. There was no place to hide on those stony + things—and if there had been, what would have been the good? But now + I was clear of that ship, I was not going back. So after a while I took + off all my clothes, tied them up in a bundle with a stone inside, and + dropped them in the deep water on the outer side of that islet. That was + suicide enough for me. Let them think what they liked, but I didn’t mean + to drown myself. I meant to swim till I sank—but that’s not the same + thing. I struck out for another of these little islands, and it was from + that one that I first saw your riding light. Something to swim for. I went + on easily, and on the way I came upon a flat rock a foot or two above + water. In the daytime, I dare say, you might make it out with a glass from + your poop. I scrambled up on it and rested myself for a bit. Then I made + another start. That last spell must have been over a mile.” + </p> + <p> + His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the time he stared + straight out through the porthole, in which there was not even a star to + be seen. I had not interrupted him. There was something that made comment + impossible in his narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of feeling, a + quality, which I can’t find a name for. And when he ceased, all I found + was a futile whisper: “So you swam for our light?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes—straight for it. It was something to swim for. I couldn’t see + any stars low down because the coast was in the way, and I couldn’t see + the land, either. The water was like glass. One might have been swimming + in a confounded thousand-feet deep cistern with no place for scrambling + out anywhere; but what I didn’t like was the notion of swimming round and + round like a crazed bullock before I gave out; and as I didn’t mean to go + back... No. Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, off one of these + little islands by the scruff of the neck and fighting like a wild beast? + Somebody would have got killed for certain, and I did not want any of + that. So I went on. Then your ladder—” + </p> + <p> + “Why didn’t you hail the ship?” I asked, a little louder. + </p> + <p> + He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came right over our heads + and stopped. The second mate had crossed from the other side of the poop + and might have been hanging over the rail for all we knew. + </p> + <p> + “He couldn’t hear us talking—could he?” My double breathed into my + very ear, anxiously. + </p> + <p> + His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the question I had put + to him. An answer containing all the difficulty of that situation. I + closed the porthole quietly, to make sure. A louder word might have been + overheard. + </p> + <p> + “Who’s that?” he whispered then. + </p> + <p> + “My second mate. But I don’t know much more of the fellow than you do.” + </p> + <p> + And I told him a little about myself. I had been appointed to take charge + while I least expected anything of the sort, not quite a fortnight ago. I + didn’t know either the ship or the people. Hadn’t had the time in port to + look about me or size anybody up. And as to the crew, all they knew was + that I was appointed to take the ship home. For the rest, I was almost as + much of a stranger on board as himself, I said. And at the moment I felt + it most acutely. I felt that it would take very little to make me a + suspect person in the eyes of the ship’s company. + </p> + <p> + He had turned about meantime; and we, the two strangers in the ship, faced + each other in identical attitudes. + </p> + <p> + “Your ladder—” he murmured, after a silence. “Who’d have thought of + finding a ladder hanging over at night in a ship anchored out here! I felt + just then a very unpleasant faintness. After the life I’ve been leading + for nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition. I wasn’t capable + of swimming round as far as your rudder chains. And, lo and behold! there + was a ladder to get hold of. After I gripped it I said to myself, ‘What’s + the good?’ When I saw a man’s head looking over I thought I would swim + away presently and leave him shouting—in whatever language it was. I + didn’t mind being looked at. I—I liked it. And then you speaking to + me so quietly—as if you had expected me—made me hold on a + little longer. It had been a confounded lonely time—I don’t mean + while swimming. I was glad to talk a little to somebody that didn’t belong + to the Sephora. As to asking for the captain, that was a mere impulse. It + could have been no use, with all the ship knowing about me and the other + people pretty certain to be round here in the morning. I don’t know—I + wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, before I went on. I don’t know + what I would have said.... ‘Fine night, isn’t it?’ or something of the + sort.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you think they will be round here presently?” I asked with some + incredulity. + </p> + <p> + “Quite likely,” he said, faintly. + </p> + <p> + “He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head rolled on his + shoulders. + </p> + <p> + “H’m. We shall see then. Meantime get into that bed,” I whispered. “Want + help? There.” + </p> + <p> + It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath. This + amazing swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg. He + tumbled in, rolled over on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. + And then, with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly as I + used to look in that bed. I gazed upon my other self for a while before + drawing across carefully the two green serge curtains which ran on a brass + rod. I thought for a moment of pinning them together for greater safety, + but I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling to rise and + hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was extremely tired, in a + peculiarly intimate way, by the strain of stealthiness, by the effort of + whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement. It was three + o’clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I was not sleepy; + I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, fagged out, looking at the + curtains, trying to clear my mind of the confused sensation of being in + two places at once, and greatly bothered by an exasperating knocking in my + head. It was a relief to discover suddenly that it was not in my head at + all, but on the outside of the door. Before I could collect myself the + words “Come in” were out of my mouth, and the steward entered with a tray, + bringing in my morning coffee. I had slept, after all, and I was so + frightened that I shouted, “This way! I am here, steward,” as though he + had been miles away. He put down the tray on the table next the couch and + only then said, very quietly, “I can see you are here, sir.” I felt him + give me a keen look, but I dared not meet his eyes just then. He must have + wondered why I had drawn the curtains of my bed before going to sleep on + the couch. He went out, hooking the door open as usual. + </p> + <p> + I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I would have been told at + once if there had been any wind. Calm, I thought, and I was doubly vexed. + Indeed, I felt dual more than ever. The steward reappeared suddenly in the + doorway. I jumped up from the couch so quickly that he gave a start. + </p> + <p> + “What do you want here?” + </p> + <p> + “Close your port, sir—they are washing decks.” + </p> + <p> + “It is closed,” I said, reddening. + </p> + <p> + “Very well, sir.” But he did not move from the doorway and returned my + stare in an extraordinary, equivocal manner for a time. Then his eyes + wavered, all his expression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, + almost coaxingly: + </p> + <p> + “May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “Of course!” I turned my back on him while he popped in and out. Then I + unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt. This sort of thing + could not go on very long. The cabin was as hot as an oven, too. I took a + peep at my double, and discovered that he had not moved, his arm was still + over his eyes; but his chest heaved; his hair was wet; his chin glistened + with perspiration. I reached over him and opened the port. + </p> + <p> + “I must show myself on deck,” I reflected. + </p> + <p> + Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with no one to say nay + to me within the whole circle of the horizon; but to lock my cabin door + and take the key away I did not dare. Directly I put my head out of the + companion I saw the group of my two officers, the second mate barefooted, + the chief mate in long India-rubber boots, near the break of the poop, and + the steward halfway down the poop ladder talking to them eagerly. He + happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second ran down on the + main-deck shouting some order or other, and the chief mate came to meet + me, touching his cap. + </p> + <p> + There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like. I don’t know + whether the steward had told them that I was “queer” only, or downright + drunk, but I know the man meant to have a good look at me. I watched him + coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank range, took effect + and froze his very whiskers. I did not give him time to open his lips. + </p> + <p> + “Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast.” + </p> + <p> + It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship; and I + stayed on deck to see it executed, too. I had felt the need of asserting + myself without loss of time. That sneering young cub got taken down a peg + or two on that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of having a + good look at the face of every foremast man as they filed past me to go to + the after braces. At breakfast time, eating nothing myself, I presided + with such frigid dignity that the two mates were only too glad to escape + from the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all the time the dual + working of my mind distracted me almost to the point of insanity. I was + constantly watching myself, my secret self, as dependent on my actions as + my own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that door which faced me + as I sat at the head of the table. It was very much like being mad, only + it was worse because one was aware of it. + </p> + <p> + I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last he opened his eyes + it was in the full possession of his senses, with an inquiring look. + </p> + <p> + “All’s well so far,” I whispered. “Now you must vanish into the bathroom.” + </p> + <p> + He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for the steward, and + facing him boldly, directed him to tidy up my stateroom while I was having + my bath—“and be quick about it.” As my tone admitted of no excuses, + he said, “Yes, sir,” and ran off to fetch his dustpan and brushes. I took + a bath and did most of my dressing, splashing, and whistling softly for + the steward’s edification, while the secret sharer of my life stood drawn + up bolt upright in that little space, his face looking very sunken in + daylight, his eyelids lowered under the stern, dark line of his eyebrows + drawn together by a slight frown. + </p> + <p> + When I left him there to go back to my room the steward was finishing + dusting. I sent for the mate and engaged him in some insignificant + conversation. It was, as it were, trifling with the terrific character of + his whiskers; but my object was to give him an opportunity for a good look + at my cabin. And then I could at last shut, with a clear conscience, the + door of my stateroom and get my double back into the recessed part. There + was nothing else for it. He had to sit still on a small folding stool, + half smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. We listened to the + steward going into the bathroom out of the saloon, filling the water + bottles there, scrubbing the bath, setting things to rights, whisk, bang, + clatter—out again into the saloon—turn the key—click. + Such was my scheme for keeping my second self invisible. Nothing better + could be contrived under the circumstances. And there we sat; I at my + writing desk ready to appear busy with some papers, he behind me out of + sight of the door. It would not have been prudent to talk in daytime; and + I could not have stood the excitement of that queer sense of whispering to + myself. Now and then, glancing over my shoulder, I saw him far back there, + sitting rigidly on the low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms + folded, his head hanging on his breast—and perfectly still. Anybody + would have taken him for me. + </p> + <p> + I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to glance over my + shoulder. I was looking at him when a voice outside the door said: + </p> + <p> + “Beg pardon, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Well!...” I kept my eyes on him, and so when the voice outside the door + announced, “There’s a ship’s boat coming our way, sir,” I saw him give a + start—the first movement he had made for hours. But he did not raise + his bowed head. + </p> + <p> + “All right. Get the ladder over.” + </p> + <p> + I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But what? His immobility + seemed to have been never disturbed. What could I tell him he did not know + already?... Finally I went on deck. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II + </h2> + <p> + The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all round his face, and + the sort of complexion that goes with hair of that color; also the + particular, rather smeary shade of blue in the eyes. He was not exactly a + showy figure; his shoulders were high, his stature but middling—one + leg slightly more bandy than the other. He shook hands, looking vaguely + around. A spiritless tenacity was his main characteristic, I judged. I + behaved with a politeness which seemed to disconcert him. Perhaps he was + shy. He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of what he was saying; gave + his name (it was something like Archbold—but at this distance of + years I hardly am sure), his ship’s name, and a few other particulars of + that sort, in the manner of a criminal making a reluctant and doleful + confession. He had had terrible weather on the passage out—terrible—terrible—wife + aboard, too. + </p> + <p> + By this time we were seated in the cabin and the steward brought in a tray + with a bottle and glasses. “Thanks! No.” Never took liquor. Would have + some water, though. He drank two tumblerfuls. Terrible thirsty work. Ever + since daylight had been exploring the islands round his ship. + </p> + <p> + “What was that for—fun?” I asked, with an appearance of polite + interest. + </p> + <p> + “No!” He sighed. “Painful duty.” + </p> + <p> + As he persisted in his mumbling and I wanted my double to hear every word, + I hit upon the notion of informing him that I regretted to say I was hard + of hearing. + </p> + <p> + “Such a young man, too!” he nodded, keeping his smeary blue, unintelligent + eyes fastened upon me. “What was the cause of it—some disease?” he + inquired, without the least sympathy and as if he thought that, if so, I’d + got no more than I deserved. + </p> + <p> + “Yes; disease,” I admitted in a cheerful tone which seemed to shock him. + But my point was gained, because he had to raise his voice to give me his + tale. It is not worth while to record his version. It was just over two + months since all this had happened, and he had thought so much about it + that he seemed completely muddled as to its bearings, but still immensely + impressed. + </p> + <p> + “What would you think of such a thing happening on board your own ship? + I’ve had the Sephora for these fifteen years. I am a well-known + shipmaster.” + </p> + <p> + He was densely distressed—and perhaps I should have sympathized with + him if I had been able to detach my mental vision from the unsuspected + sharer of my cabin as though he were my second self. There he was on the + other side of the bulkhead, four or five feet from us, no more, as we sat + in the saloon. I looked politely at Captain Archbold (if that was his + name), but it was the other I saw, in a gray sleeping suit, seated on a + low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms folded, and every word + said between us falling into the ears of his dark head bowed on his chest. + </p> + <p> + “I have been at sea now, man and boy, for seven-and-thirty years, and I’ve + never heard of such a thing happening in an English ship. And that it + should be my ship. Wife on board, too.” + </p> + <p> + I was hardly listening to him. + </p> + <p> + “Don’t you think,” I said, “that the heavy sea which, you told me, came + aboard just then might have killed the man? I have seen the sheer weight + of a sea kill a man very neatly, by simply breaking his neck.” + </p> + <p> + “Good God!” he uttered, impressively, fixing his smeary blue eyes on me. + “The sea! No man killed by the sea ever looked like that.” He seemed + positively scandalized at my suggestion. And as I gazed at him certainly + not prepared for anything original on his part, he advanced his head close + to mine and thrust his tongue out at me so suddenly that I couldn’t help + starting back. + </p> + <p> + After scoring over my calmness in this graphic way he nodded wisely. If I + had seen the sight, he assured me, I would never forget it as long as I + lived. The weather was too bad to give the corpse a proper sea burial. So + next day at dawn they took it up on the poop, covering its face with a bit + of bunting; he read a short prayer, and then, just as it was, in its + oilskins and long boots, they launched it amongst those mountainous seas + that seemed ready every moment to swallow up the ship herself and the + terrified lives on board of her. + </p> + <p> + “That reefed foresail saved you,” I threw in. + </p> + <p> + “Under God—it did,” he exclaimed fervently. “It was by a special + mercy, I firmly believe, that it stood some of those hurricane squalls.” + </p> + <p> + “It was the setting of that sail which—” I began. + </p> + <p> + “God’s own hand in it,” he interrupted me. “Nothing less could have done + it. I don’t mind telling you that I hardly dared give the order. It seemed + impossible that we could touch anything without losing it, and then our + last hope would have been gone.” + </p> + <p> + The terror of that gale was on him yet. I let him go on for a bit, then + said, casually—as if returning to a minor subject: + </p> + <p> + “You were very anxious to give up your mate to the shore people, I + believe?” + </p> + <p> + He was. To the law. His obscure tenacity on that point had in it something + incomprehensible and a little awful; something, as it were, mystical, + quite apart from his anxiety that he should not be suspected of + “countenancing any doings of that sort.” Seven-and-thirty virtuous years + at sea, of which over twenty of immaculate command, and the last fifteen + in the Sephora, seemed to have laid him under some pitiless obligation. + </p> + <p> + “And you know,” he went on, groping shame-facedly amongst his feelings, “I + did not engage that young fellow. His people had some interest with my + owners. I was in a way forced to take him on. He looked very smart, very + gentlemanly, and all that. But do you know—I never liked him, + somehow. I am a plain man. You see, he wasn’t exactly the sort for the + chief mate of a ship like the Sephora.” + </p> + <p> + I had become so connected in thoughts and impressions with the secret + sharer of my cabin that I felt as if I, personally, were being given to + understand that I, too, was not the sort that would have done for the + chief mate of a ship like the Sephora. I had no doubt of it in my mind. + </p> + <p> + “Not at all the style of man. You understand,” he insisted, superfluously, + looking hard at me. + </p> + <p> + I smiled urbanely. He seemed at a loss for a while. + </p> + <p> + “I suppose I must report a suicide.” + </p> + <p> + “Beg pardon?” + </p> + <p> + “Suicide! That’s what I’ll have to write to my owners directly I get in.” + </p> + <p> + “Unless you manage to recover him before tomorrow,” I assented, + dispassionately.... “I mean, alive.” + </p> + <p> + He mumbled something which I really did not catch, and I turned my ear to + him in a puzzled manner. He fairly bawled: + </p> + <p> + “The land—I say, the mainland is at least seven miles off my + anchorage.” + </p> + <p> + “About that.” + </p> + <p> + My lack of excitement, of curiosity, of surprise, of any sort of + pronounced interest, began to arouse his distrust. But except for the + felicitous pretense of deafness I had not tried to pretend anything. I had + felt utterly incapable of playing the part of ignorance properly, and + therefore was afraid to try. It is also certain that he had brought some + ready-made suspicions with him, and that he viewed my politeness as a + strange and unnatural phenomenon. And yet how else could I have received + him? Not heartily! That was impossible for psychological reasons, which I + need not state here. My only object was to keep off his inquiries. + Surlily? Yes, but surliness might have provoked a point-blank question. + From its novelty to him and from its nature, punctilious courtesy was the + manner best calculated to restrain the man. But there was the danger of + his breaking through my defense bluntly. I could not, I think, have met + him by a direct lie, also for psychological (not moral) reasons. If he had + only known how afraid I was of his putting my feeling of identity with the + other to the test! But, strangely enough—(I thought of it only + afterwards)—I believe that he was not a little disconcerted by the + reverse side of that weird situation, by something in me that reminded him + of the man he was seeking—suggested a mysterious similitude to the + young fellow he had distrusted and disliked from the first. + </p> + <p> + However that might have been, the silence was not very prolonged. He took + another oblique step. + </p> + <p> + “I reckon I had no more than a two-mile pull to your ship. Not a bit + more.” + </p> + <p> + “And quite enough, too, in this awful heat,” I said. + </p> + <p> + Another pause full of mistrust followed. Necessity, they say, is mother of + invention, but fear, too, is not barren of ingenious suggestions. And I + was afraid he would ask me point-blank for news of my other self. + </p> + <p> + “Nice little saloon, isn’t it?” I remarked, as if noticing for the first + time the way his eyes roamed from one closed door to the other. “And very + well fitted out, too. Here, for instance,” I continued, reaching over the + back of my seat negligently and flinging the door open, “is my bathroom.” + </p> + <p> + He made an eager movement, but hardly gave it a glance. I got up, shut the + door of the bathroom, and invited him to have a look round, as if I were + very proud of my accommodation. He had to rise and be shown round, but he + went through the business without any raptures whatever. + </p> + <p> + “And now we’ll have a look at my stateroom,” I declared, in a voice as + loud as I dared to make it, crossing the cabin to the starboard side with + purposely heavy steps. + </p> + <p> + He followed me in and gazed around. My intelligent double had vanished. I + played my part. + </p> + <p> + “Very convenient—isn’t it?” + </p> + <p> + “Very nice. Very comf...” He didn’t finish and went out brusquely as if to + escape from some unrighteous wiles of mine. But it was not to be. I had + been too frightened not to feel vengeful; I felt I had him on the run, and + I meant to keep him on the run. My polite insistence must have had + something menacing in it, because he gave in suddenly. And I did not let + him off a single item; mate’s room, pantry, storerooms, the very sail + locker which was also under the poop—he had to look into them all. + When at last I showed him out on the quarter-deck he drew a long, + spiritless sigh, and mumbled dismally that he must really be going back to + his ship now. I desired my mate, who had joined us, to see to the + captain’s boat. + </p> + <p> + The man of whiskers gave a blast on the whistle which he used to wear + hanging round his neck, and yelled, “Sephora’s away!” My double down there + in my cabin must have heard, and certainly could not feel more relieved + than I. Four fellows came running out from somewhere forward and went over + the side, while my own men, appearing on deck too, lined the rail. I + escorted my visitor to the gangway ceremoniously, and nearly overdid it. + He was a tenacious beast. On the very ladder he lingered, and in that + unique, guiltily conscientious manner of sticking to the point: + </p> + <p> + “I say... you... you don’t think that—” + </p> + <p> + I covered his voice loudly: + </p> + <p> + “Certainly not.... I am delighted. Good-by.” + </p> + <p> + I had an idea of what he meant to say, and just saved myself by the + privilege of defective hearing. He was too shaken generally to insist, but + my mate, close witness of that parting, looked mystified and his face took + on a thoughtful cast. As I did not want to appear as if I wished to avoid + all communication with my officers, he had the opportunity to address me. + </p> + <p> + “Seems a very nice man. His boat’s crew told our chaps a very + extraordinary story, if what I am told by the steward is true. I suppose + you had it from the captain, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes. I had a story from the captain.” + </p> + <p> + “A very horrible affair—isn’t it, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “It is.” + </p> + <p> + “Beats all these tales we hear about murders in Yankee ships.” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t think it beats them. I don’t think it resembles them in the + least.” + </p> + <p> + “Bless my soul—you don’t say so! But of course I’ve no acquaintance + whatever with American ships, not I, so I couldn’t go against your + knowledge. It’s horrible enough for me.... But the queerest part is that + those fellows seemed to have some idea the man was hidden aboard here. + They had really. Did you ever hear of such a thing?” + </p> + <p> + “Preposterous—isn’t it?” + </p> + <p> + We were walking to and fro athwart the quarter-deck. No one of the crew + forward could be seen (the day was Sunday), and the mate pursued: + </p> + <p> + “There was some little dispute about it. Our chaps took offense. ‘As if we + would harbor a thing like that,’ they said. ‘Wouldn’t you like to look for + him in our coal-hole?’ Quite a tiff. But they made it up in the end. I + suppose he did drown himself. Don’t you, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “I don’t suppose anything.” + </p> + <p> + “You have no doubt in the matter, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “None whatever.” + </p> + <p> + I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad impression, but with my + double down there it was most trying to be on deck. And it was almost as + trying to be below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. But on the whole + I felt less torn in two when I was with him. There was no one in the whole + ship whom I dared take into my confidence. Since the hands had got to know + his story, it would have been impossible to pass him off for anyone else, + and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now more than ever.... + </p> + <p> + The steward being engaged in laying the table for dinner, we could talk + only with our eyes when I first went down. Later in the afternoon we had a + cautious try at whispering. The Sunday quietness of the ship was against + us; the stillness of air and water around her was against us; the + elements, the men were against us—everything was against us in our + secret partnership; time itself—for this could not go on forever. + The very trust in Providence was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. Shall I + confess that this thought cast me down very much? And as to the chapter of + accidents which counts for so much in the book of success, I could only + hope that it was closed. For what favorable accident could be expected? + </p> + <p> + “Did you hear everything?” were my first words as soon as we took up our + position side by side, leaning over my bed place. + </p> + <p> + He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, “The man told you he + hardly dared to give the order.” + </p> + <p> + I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail. + </p> + <p> + “Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting.” + </p> + <p> + “I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he did, but he never + gave it. He stood there with me on the break of the poop after the main + topsail blew away, and whimpered about our last hope—positively + whimpered about it and nothing else—and the night coming on! To hear + one’s skipper go on like that in such weather was enough to drive any + fellow out of his mind. It worked me up into a sort of desperation. I just + took it into my own hands and went away from him, boiling, and—But + what’s the use telling you? <i>You</i> know!... Do you think that if I had + not been pretty fierce with them I should have got the men to do anything? + Not I! The bo’s’n perhaps? Perhaps! It wasn’t a heavy sea—it was a + sea gone mad! I suppose the end of the world will be something like that; + and a man may have the heart to see it coming once and be done with it—but + to have to face it day after day—I don’t blame anybody. I was + precious little better than the rest. Only—I was an officer of that + old coal wagon, anyhow—” + </p> + <p> + “I quite understand,” I conveyed that sincere assurance into his ear. He + was out of breath with whispering; I could hear him pant slightly. It was + all very simple. The same strung-up force which had given twenty-four men + a chance, at least, for their lives, had, in a sort of recoil, crushed an + unworthy mutinous existence. + </p> + <p> + But I had no leisure to weigh the merits of the matter—footsteps in + the saloon, a heavy knock. “There’s enough wind to get under way with, + sir.” Here was the call of a new claim upon my thoughts and even upon my + feelings. + </p> + <p> + “Turn the hands up,” I cried through the door. “I’ll be on deck directly.” + </p> + <p> + I was going out to make the acquaintance of my ship. Before I left the + cabin our eyes met—the eyes of the only two strangers on board. I + pointed to the recessed part where the little campstool awaited him and + laid my finger on my lips. He made a gesture—somewhat vague—a + little mysterious, accompanied by a faint smile, as if of regret. + </p> + <p> + This is not the place to enlarge upon the sensations of a man who feels + for the first time a ship move under his feet to his own independent word. + In my case they were not unalloyed. I was not wholly alone with my + command; for there was that stranger in my cabin. Or rather, I was not + completely and wholly with her. Part of me was absent. That mental feeling + of being in two places at once affected me physically as if the mood of + secrecy had penetrated my very soul. Before an hour had elapsed since the + ship had begun to move, having occasion to ask the mate (he stood by my + side) to take a compass bearing of the pagoda, I caught myself reaching up + to his ear in whispers. I say I caught myself, but enough had escaped to + startle the man. I can’t describe it otherwise than by saying that he + shied. A grave, preoccupied manner, as though he were in possession of + some perplexing intelligence, did not leave him henceforth. A little later + I moved away from the rail to look at the compass with such a stealthy + gait that the helmsman noticed it—and I could not help noticing the + unusual roundness of his eyes. These are trifling instances, though it’s + to no commander’s advantage to be suspected of ludicrous eccentricities. + But I was also more seriously affected. There are to a seaman certain + words, gestures, that should in given conditions come as naturally, as + instinctively as the winking of a menaced eye. A certain order should + spring on to his lips without thinking; a certain sign should get itself + made, so to speak, without reflection. But all unconscious alertness had + abandoned me. I had to make an effort of will to recall myself back (from + the cabin) to the conditions of the moment. I felt that I was appearing an + irresolute commander to those people who were watching me more or less + critically. + </p> + <p> + And, besides, there were the scares. On the second day out, for instance, + coming off the deck in the afternoon (I had straw slippers on my bare + feet) I stopped at the open pantry door and spoke to the steward. He was + doing something there with his back to me. At the sound of my voice he + nearly jumped out of his skin, as the saying is, and incidentally broke a + cup. + </p> + <p> + “What on earth’s the matter with you?” I asked, astonished. + </p> + <p> + He was extremely confused. “Beg your pardon, sir. I made sure you were in + your cabin.” + </p> + <p> + “You see I wasn’t.” + </p> + <p> + “No, sir. I could have sworn I had heard you moving in there not a moment + ago. It’s most extraordinary... very sorry, sir.” + </p> + <p> + I passed on with an inward shudder. I was so identified with my secret + double that I did not even mention the fact in those scanty, fearful + whispers we exchanged. I suppose he had made some slight noise of some + kind or other. It would have been miraculous if he hadn’t at one time or + another. And yet, haggard as he appeared, he looked always perfectly + self-controlled, more than calm—almost invulnerable. On my + suggestion he remained almost entirely in the bathroom, which, upon the + whole, was the safest place. There could be really no shadow of an excuse + for anyone ever wanting to go in there, once the steward had done with it. + It was a very tiny place. Sometimes he reclined on the floor, his legs + bent, his head sustained on one elbow. At others I would find him on the + campstool, sitting in his gray sleeping suit and with his cropped dark + hair like a patient, unmoved convict. At night I would smuggle him into my + bed place, and we would whisper together, with the regular footfalls of + the officer of the watch passing and repassing over our heads. It was an + infinitely miserable time. It was lucky that some tins of fine preserves + were stowed in a locker in my stateroom; hard bread I could always get + hold of; and so he lived on stewed chicken, <i>Pate de Foie Gras</i>, + asparagus, cooked oysters, sardines—on all sorts of abominable sham + delicacies out of tins. My early-morning coffee he always drank; and it + was all I dared do for him in that respect. + </p> + <p> + Every day there was the horrible maneuvering to go through so that my room + and then the bathroom should be done in the usual way. I came to hate the + sight of the steward, to abhor the voice of that harmless man. I felt that + it was he who would bring on the disaster of discovery. It hung like a + sword over our heads. + </p> + <p> + The fourth day out, I think (we were then working down the east side of + the Gulf of Siam, tack for tack, in light winds and smooth water)—the + fourth day, I say, of this miserable juggling with the unavoidable, as we + sat at our evening meal, that man, whose slightest movement I dreaded, + after putting down the dishes ran up on deck busily. This could not be + dangerous. Presently he came down again; and then it appeared that he had + remembered a coat of mine which I had thrown over a rail to dry after + having been wetted in a shower which had passed over the ship in the + afternoon. Sitting stolidly at the head of the table I became terrified at + the sight of the garment on his arm. Of course he made for my door. There + was no time to lose. + </p> + <p> + “Steward,” I thundered. My nerves were so shaken that I could not govern + my voice and conceal my agitation. This was the sort of thing that made my + terrifically whiskered mate tap his forehead with his forefinger. I had + detected him using that gesture while talking on deck with a confidential + air to the carpenter. It was too far to hear a word, but I had no doubt + that this pantomime could only refer to the strange new captain. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir,” the pale-faced steward turned resignedly to me. It was this + maddening course of being shouted at, checked without rhyme or reason, + arbitrarily chased out of my cabin, suddenly called into it, sent flying + out of his pantry on incomprehensible errands, that accounted for the + growing wretchedness of his expression. + </p> + <p> + “Where are you going with that coat?” + </p> + <p> + “To your room, sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Is there another shower coming?” + </p> + <p> + “I’m sure I don’t know, sir. Shall I go up again and see, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “No! never mind.” + </p> + <p> + My object was attained, as of course my other self in there would have + heard everything that passed. During this interlude my two officers never + raised their eyes off their respective plates; but the lip of that + confounded cub, the second mate, quivered visibly. + </p> + <p> + I expected the steward to hook my coat on and come out at once. He was + very slow about it; but I dominated my nervousness sufficiently not to + shout after him. Suddenly I became aware (it could be heard plainly + enough) that the fellow for some reason or other was opening the door of + the bathroom. It was the end. The place was literally not big enough to + swing a cat in. My voice died in my throat and I went stony all over. I + expected to hear a yell of surprise and terror, and made a movement, but + had not the strength to get on my legs. Everything remained still. Had my + second self taken the poor wretch by the throat? I don’t know what I could + have done next moment if I had not seen the steward come out of my room, + close the door, and then stand quietly by the sideboard. + </p> + <p> + “Saved,” I thought. “But, no! Lost! Gone! He was gone!” + </p> + <p> + I laid my knife and fork down and leaned back in my chair. My head swam. + After a while, when sufficiently recovered to speak in a steady voice, I + instructed my mate to put the ship round at eight o’clock himself. + </p> + <p> + “I won’t come on deck,” I went on. “I think I’ll turn in, and unless the + wind shifts I don’t want to be disturbed before midnight. I feel a bit + seedy.” + </p> + <p> + “You did look middling bad a little while ago,” the chief mate remarked + without showing any great concern. + </p> + <p> + They both went out, and I stared at the steward clearing the table. There + was nothing to be read on that wretched man’s face. But why did he avoid + my eyes, I asked myself. Then I thought I should like to hear the sound of + his voice. + </p> + <p> + “Steward!” + </p> + <p> + “Sir!” Startled as usual. + </p> + <p> + “Where did you hang up that coat?” + </p> + <p> + “In the bathroom, sir.” The usual anxious tone. “It’s not quite dry yet, + sir.” + </p> + <p> + For some time longer I sat in the cuddy. Had my double vanished as he had + come? But of his coming there was an explanation, whereas his + disappearance would be inexplicable.... I went slowly into my dark room, + shut the door, lighted the lamp, and for a time dared not turn round. When + at last I did I saw him standing bolt-upright in the narrow recessed part. + It would not be true to say I had a shock, but an irresistible doubt of + his bodily existence flitted through my mind. Can it be, I asked myself, + that he is not visible to other eyes than mine? It was like being haunted. + Motionless, with a grave face, he raised his hands slightly at me in a + gesture which meant clearly, “Heavens! what a narrow escape!” Narrow + indeed. I think I had come creeping quietly as near insanity as any man + who has not actually gone over the border. That gesture restrained me, so + to speak. + </p> + <p> + The mate with the terrific whiskers was now putting the ship on the other + tack. In the moment of profound silence which follows upon the hands going + to their stations I heard on the poop his raised voice: “Hard alee!” and + the distant shout of the order repeated on the main-deck. The sails, in + that light breeze, made but a faint fluttering noise. It ceased. The ship + was coming round slowly: I held my breath in the renewed stillness of + expectation; one wouldn’t have thought that there was a single living soul + on her decks. A sudden brisk shout, “Mainsail haul!” broke the spell, and + in the noisy cries and rush overhead of the men running away with the main + brace we two, down in my cabin, came together in our usual position by the + bed place. + </p> + <p> + He did not wait for my question. “I heard him fumbling here and just + managed to squat myself down in the bath,” he whispered to me. “The fellow + only opened the door and put his arm in to hang the coat up. All the same—” + </p> + <p> + “I never thought of that,” I whispered back, even more appalled than + before at the closeness of the shave, and marveling at that something + unyielding in his character which was carrying him through so finely. + There was no agitation in his whisper. Whoever was being driven + distracted, it was not he. He was sane. And the proof of his sanity was + continued when he took up the whispering again. + </p> + <p> + “It would never do for me to come to life again.” + </p> + <p> + It was something that a ghost might have said. But what he was alluding to + was his old captain’s reluctant admission of the theory of suicide. It + would obviously serve his turn—if I had understood at all the view + which seemed to govern the unalterable purpose of his action. + </p> + <p> + “You must maroon me as soon as ever you can get amongst these islands off + the Cambodge shore,” he went on. + </p> + <p> + “Maroon you! We are not living in a boy’s adventure tale,” I protested. + His scornful whispering took me up. + </p> + <p> + “We aren’t indeed! There’s nothing of a boy’s tale in this. But there’s + nothing else for it. I want no more. You don’t suppose I am afraid of what + can be done to me? Prison or gallows or whatever they may please. But you + don’t see me coming back to explain such things to an old fellow in a wig + and twelve respectable tradesmen, do you? What can they know whether I am + guilty or not—or of <i>what</i> I am guilty, either? That’s my + affair. What does the Bible say? ‘Driven off the face of the earth.’ Very + well, I am off the face of the earth now. As I came at night so I shall + go.” + </p> + <p> + “Impossible!” I murmured. “You can’t.” + </p> + <p> + “Can’t?... Not naked like a soul on the Day of Judgment. I shall freeze on + to this sleeping suit. The Last Day is not yet—and... you have + understood thoroughly. Didn’t you?” + </p> + <p> + I felt suddenly ashamed of myself. I may say truly that I understood—and + my hesitation in letting that man swim away from my ship’s side had been a + mere sham sentiment, a sort of cowardice. + </p> + <p> + “It can’t be done now till next night,” I breathed out. “The ship is on + the off-shore tack and the wind may fail us.” + </p> + <p> + “As long as I know that you understand,” he whispered. “But of course you + do. It’s a great satisfaction to have got somebody to understand. You seem + to have been there on purpose.” And in the same whisper, as if we two + whenever we talked had to say things to each other which were not fit for + the world to hear, he added, “It’s very wonderful.” + </p> + <p> + We remained side by side talking in our secret way—but sometimes + silent or just exchanging a whispered word or two at long intervals. And + as usual he stared through the port. A breath of wind came now and again + into our faces. The ship might have been moored in dock, so gently and on + an even keel she slipped through the water, that did not murmur even at + our passage, shadowy and silent like a phantom sea. + </p> + <p> + At midnight I went on deck, and to my mate’s great surprise put the ship + round on the other tack. His terrible whiskers flitted round me in silent + criticism. I certainly should not have done it if it had been only a + question of getting out of that sleepy gulf as quickly as possible. I + believe he told the second mate, who relieved him, that it was a great + want of judgment. The other only yawned. That intolerable cub shuffled + about so sleepily and lolled against the rails in such a slack, improper + fashion that I came down on him sharply. + </p> + <p> + “Aren’t you properly awake yet?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir! I am awake.” + </p> + <p> + “Well, then, be good enough to hold yourself as if you were. And keep a + lookout. If there’s any current we’ll be closing with some islands before + daylight.” + </p> + <p> + The east side of the gulf is fringed with islands, some solitary, others + in groups. On the blue background of the high coast they seem to float on + silvery patches of calm water, arid and gray, or dark green and rounded + like clumps of evergreen bushes, with the larger ones, a mile or two long, + showing the outlines of ridges, ribs of gray rock under the dark mantle of + matted leafage. Unknown to trade, to travel, almost to geography, the + manner of life they harbor is an unsolved secret. There must be villages—settlements + of fishermen at least—on the largest of them, and some communication + with the world is probably kept up by native craft. But all that forenoon, + as we headed for them, fanned along by the faintest of breezes, I saw no + sign of man or canoe in the field of the telescope I kept on pointing at + the scattered group. + </p> + <p> + At noon I gave no orders for a change of course, and the mate’s whiskers + became much concerned and seemed to be offering themselves unduly to my + notice. At last I said: + </p> + <p> + “I am going to stand right in. Quite in—as far as I can take her.” + </p> + <p> + The stare of extreme surprise imparted an air of ferocity also to his + eyes, and he looked truly terrific for a moment. + </p> + <p> + “We’re not doing well in the middle of the gulf,” I continued, casually. + “I am going to look for the land breezes tonight.” + </p> + <p> + “Bless my soul! Do you mean, sir, in the dark amongst the lot of all them + islands and reefs and shoals?” + </p> + <p> + “Well—if there are any regular land breezes at all on this coast one + must get close inshore to find them, mustn’t one?” + </p> + <p> + “Bless my soul!” he exclaimed again under his breath. All that afternoon + he wore a dreamy, contemplative appearance which in him was a mark of + perplexity. After dinner I went into my stateroom as if I meant to take + some rest. There we two bent our dark heads over a half-unrolled chart + lying on my bed. + </p> + <p> + “There,” I said. “It’s got to be Koh-ring. I’ve been looking at it ever + since sunrise. It has got two hills and a low point. It must be inhabited. + And on the coast opposite there is what looks like the mouth of a biggish + river—with some towns, no doubt, not far up. It’s the best chance + for you that I can see.” + </p> + <p> + “Anything. Koh-ring let it be.” + </p> + <p> + He looked thoughtfully at the chart as if surveying chances and distances + from a lofty height—and following with his eyes his own figure + wandering on the blank land of Cochin-China, and then passing off that + piece of paper clean out of sight into uncharted regions. And it was as if + the ship had two captains to plan her course for her. I had been so + worried and restless running up and down that I had not had the patience + to dress that day. I had remained in my sleeping suit, with straw slippers + and a soft floppy hat. The closeness of the heat in the gulf had been most + oppressive, and the crew were used to seeing me wandering in that airy + attire. + </p> + <p> + “She will clear the south point as she heads now,” I whispered into his + ear. “Goodness only knows when, though, but certainly after dark. I’ll + edge her in to half a mile, as far as I may be able to judge in the dark—” + </p> + <p> + “Be careful,” he murmured, warningly—and I realized suddenly that + all my future, the only future for which I was fit, would perhaps go + irretrievably to pieces in any mishap to my first command. + </p> + <p> + I could not stop a moment longer in the room. I motioned him to get out of + sight and made my way on the poop. That unplayful cub had the watch. I + walked up and down for a while thinking things out, then beckoned him + over. + </p> + <p> + “Send a couple of hands to open the two quarter-deck ports,” I said, + mildly. + </p> + <p> + He actually had the impudence, or else so forgot himself in his wonder at + such an incomprehensible order, as to repeat: + </p> + <p> + “Open the quarter-deck ports! What for, sir?” + </p> + <p> + “The only reason you need concern yourself about is because I tell you to + do so. Have them open wide and fastened properly.” + </p> + <p> + He reddened and went off, but I believe made some jeering remark to the + carpenter as to the sensible practice of ventilating a ship’s + quarter-deck. I know he popped into the mate’s cabin to impart the fact to + him because the whiskers came on deck, as it were by chance, and stole + glances at me from below—for signs of lunacy or drunkenness, I + suppose. + </p> + <p> + A little before supper, feeling more restless than ever, I rejoined, for a + moment, my second self. And to find him sitting so quietly was surprising, + like something against nature, inhuman. + </p> + <p> + I developed my plan in a hurried whisper. + </p> + <p> + “I shall stand in as close as I dare and then put her round. I will + presently find means to smuggle you out of here into the sail locker, + which communicates with the lobby. But there is an opening, a sort of + square for hauling the sails out, which gives straight on the quarter-deck + and which is never closed in fine weather, so as to give air to the sails. + When the ship’s way is deadened in stays and all the hands are aft at the + main braces you will have a clear road to slip out and get overboard + through the open quarter-deck port. I’ve had them both fastened up. Use a + rope’s end to lower yourself into the water so as to avoid a splash—you + know. It could be heard and cause some beastly complication.” + </p> + <p> + He kept silent for a while, then whispered, “I understand.” + </p> + <p> + “I won’t be there to see you go,” I began with an effort. “The rest ... I + only hope I have understood, too.” + </p> + <p> + “You have. From first to last”—and for the first time there seemed + to be a faltering, something strained in his whisper. He caught hold of my + arm, but the ringing of the supper bell made me start. He didn’t though; + he only released his grip. + </p> + <p> + After supper I didn’t come below again till well past eight o’clock. The + faint, steady breeze was loaded with dew; and the wet, darkened sails held + all there was of propelling power in it. The night, clear and starry, + sparkled darkly, and the opaque, lightless patches shifting slowly against + the low stars were the drifting islets. On the port bow there was a big + one more distant and shadowily imposing by the great space of sky it + eclipsed. + </p> + <p> + On opening the door I had a back view of my very own self looking at a + chart. He had come out of the recess and was standing near the table. + </p> + <p> + “Quite dark enough,” I whispered. + </p> + <p> + He stepped back and leaned against my bed with a level, quiet glance. I + sat on the couch. We had nothing to say to each other. Over our heads the + officer of the watch moved here and there. Then I heard him move quickly. + I knew what that meant. He was making for the companion; and presently his + voice was outside my door. + </p> + <p> + “We are drawing in pretty fast, sir. Land looks rather close.” + </p> + <p> + “Very well,” I answered. “I am coming on deck directly.” + </p> + <p> + I waited till he was gone out of the cuddy, then rose. My double moved + too. The time had come to exchange our last whispers, for neither of us + was ever to hear each other’s natural voice. + </p> + <p> + “Look here!” I opened a drawer and took out three sovereigns. “Take this + anyhow. I’ve got six and I’d give you the lot, only I must keep a little + money to buy some fruit and vegetables for the crew from native boats as + we go through Sunda Straits.” + </p> + <p> + He shook his head. + </p> + <p> + “Take it,” I urged him, whispering desperately. “No one can tell what—” + </p> + <p> + He smiled and slapped meaningly the only pocket of the sleeping jacket. It + was not safe, certainly. But I produced a large old silk handkerchief of + mine, and tying the three pieces of gold in a corner, pressed it on him. + He was touched, I supposed, because he took it at last and tied it quickly + round his waist under the jacket, on his bare skin. + </p> + <p> + Our eyes met; several seconds elapsed, till, our glances still mingled, I + extended my hand and turned the lamp out. Then I passed through the cuddy, + leaving the door of my room wide open.... “Steward!” + </p> + <p> + He was still lingering in the pantry in the greatness of his zeal, giving + a rub-up to a plated cruet stand the last thing before going to bed. Being + careful not to wake up the mate, whose room was opposite, I spoke in an + undertone. + </p> + <p> + He looked round anxiously. “Sir!” + </p> + <p> + “Can you get me a little hot water from the galley?” + </p> + <p> + “I am afraid, sir, the galley fire’s been out for some time now.” + </p> + <p> + “Go and see.” + </p> + <p> + He flew up the stairs. + </p> + <p> + “Now,” I whispered, loudly, into the saloon—too loudly, perhaps, but + I was afraid I couldn’t make a sound. He was by my side in an instant—the + double captain slipped past the stairs—through a tiny dark passage + ... a sliding door. We were in the sail locker, scrambling on our knees + over the sails. A sudden thought struck me. I saw myself wandering + barefooted, bareheaded, the sun beating on my dark poll. I snatched off my + floppy hat and tried hurriedly in the dark to ram it on my other self. He + dodged and fended off silently. I wonder what he thought had come to me + before he understood and suddenly desisted. Our hands met gropingly, + lingered united in a steady, motionless clasp for a second. ... No word + was breathed by either of us when they separated. + </p> + <p> + I was standing quietly by the pantry door when the steward returned. + </p> + <p> + “Sorry, sir. Kettle barely warm. Shall I light the spirit lamp?” + </p> + <p> + “Never mind.” + </p> + <p> + I came out on deck slowly. It was now a matter of conscience to shave the + land as close as possible—for now he must go overboard whenever the + ship was put in stays. Must! There could be no going back for him. After a + moment I walked over to leeward and my heart flew into my mouth at the + nearness of the land on the bow. Under any other circumstances I would not + have held on a minute longer. The second mate had followed me anxiously. + </p> + <p> + I looked on till I felt I could command my voice. + </p> + <p> + “She will weather,” I said then in a quiet tone. + </p> + <p> + “Are you going to try that, sir?” he stammered out incredulously. + </p> + <p> + I took no notice of him and raised my tone just enough to be heard by the + helmsman. + </p> + <p> + “Keep her good full.” + </p> + <p> + “Good full, sir.” + </p> + <p> + The wind fanned my cheek, the sails slept, the world was silent. The + strain of watching the dark loom of the land grow bigger and denser was + too much for me. I had shut my eyes—because the ship must go closer. + She must! The stillness was intolerable. Were we standing still? + </p> + <p> + When I opened my eyes the second view started my heart with a thump. The + black southern hill of Koh-ring seemed to hang right over the ship like a + towering fragment of everlasting night. On that enormous mass of blackness + there was not a gleam to be seen, not a sound to be heard. It was gliding + irresistibly towards us and yet seemed already within reach of the hand. I + saw the vague figures of the watch grouped in the waist, gazing in awed + silence. + </p> + <p> + “Are you going on, sir?” inquired an unsteady voice at my elbow. + </p> + <p> + I ignored it. I had to go on. + </p> + <p> + “Keep her full. Don’t check her way. That won’t do now,” I said warningly. + </p> + <p> + “I can’t see the sails very well,” the helmsman answered me, in strange, + quavering tones. + </p> + <p> + Was she close enough? Already she was, I won’t say in the shadow of the + land, but in the very blackness of it, already swallowed up as it were, + gone too close to be recalled, gone from me altogether. + </p> + <p> + “Give the mate a call,” I said to the young man who stood at my elbow as + still as death. “And turn all hands up.” + </p> + <p> + My tone had a borrowed loudness reverberated from the height of the land. + Several voices cried out together: “We are all on deck, sir.” + </p> + <p> + Then stillness again, with the great shadow gliding closer, towering + higher, without a light, without a sound. Such a hush had fallen on the + ship that she might have been a bark of the dead floating in slowly under + the very gate of Erebus. + </p> + <p> + “My God! Where are we?” + </p> + <p> + It was the mate moaning at my elbow. He was thunderstruck, and as it were + deprived of the moral support of his whiskers. He clapped his hands and + absolutely cried out, “Lost!” + </p> + <p> + “Be quiet,” I said, sternly. + </p> + <p> + He lowered his tone, but I saw the shadowy gesture of his despair. “What + are we doing here?” + </p> + <p> + “Looking for the land wind.” + </p> + <p> + He made as if to tear his hair, and addressed me recklessly. + </p> + <p> + “She will never get out. You have done it, sir. I knew it’d end in + something like this. She will never weather, and you are too close now to + stay. She’ll drift ashore before she’s round. Oh my God!” + </p> + <p> + I caught his arm as he was raising it to batter his poor devoted head, and + shook it violently. + </p> + <p> + “She’s ashore already,” he wailed, trying to tear himself away. + </p> + <p> + “Is she?... Keep good full there!” + </p> + <p> + “Good full, sir,” cried the helmsman in a frightened, thin, childlike + voice. + </p> + <p> + I hadn’t let go the mate’s arm and went on shaking it. “Ready about, do + you hear? You go forward”—shake—“and stop there”—shake—“and + hold your noise”—shake—“and see these head-sheets properly + overhauled”—shake, shake—shake. + </p> + <p> + And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest my heart should + fail me. I released my grip at last and he ran forward as if fleeing for + dear life. + </p> + <p> + I wondered what my double there in the sail locker thought of this + commotion. He was able to hear everything—and perhaps he was able to + understand why, on my conscience, it had to be thus close—no less. + My first order “Hard alee!” re-echoed ominously under the towering shadow + of Koh-ring as if I had shouted in a mountain gorge. And then I watched + the land intently. In that smooth water and light wind it was impossible + to feel the ship coming-to. No! I could not feel her. And my second self + was making now ready to ship out and lower himself overboard. Perhaps he + was gone already...? + </p> + <p> + The great black mass brooding over our very mastheads began to pivot away + from the ship’s side silently. And now I forgot the secret stranger ready + to depart, and remembered only that I was a total stranger to the ship. I + did not know her. Would she do it? How was she to be handled? + </p> + <p> + I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly. She was perhaps stopped, and + her very fate hung in the balance, with the black mass of Koh-ring like + the gate of the everlasting night towering over her taffrail. What would + she do now? Had she way on her yet? I stepped to the side swiftly, and on + the shadowy water I could see nothing except a faint phosphorescent flash + revealing the glassy smoothness of the sleeping surface. It was impossible + to tell—and I had not learned yet the feel of my ship. Was she + moving? What I needed was something easily seen, a piece of paper, which I + could throw overboard and watch. I had nothing on me. To run down for it I + didn’t dare. There was no time. All at once my strained, yearning stare + distinguished a white object floating within a yard of the ship’s side. + White on the black water. A phosphorescent flash passed under it. What was + that thing?... I recognized my own floppy hat. It must have fallen off his + head... and he didn’t bother. Now I had what I wanted—the saving + mark for my eyes. But I hardly thought of my other self, now gone from the + ship, to be hidden forever from all friendly faces, to be a fugitive and a + vagabond on the earth, with no brand of the curse on his sane forehead to + stay a slaying hand... too proud to explain. + </p> + <p> + And I watched the hat—the expression of my sudden pity for his mere + flesh. It had been meant to save his homeless head from the dangers of the + sun. And now—behold—it was saving the ship, by serving me for + a mark to help out the ignorance of my strangeness. Ha! It was drifting + forward, warning me just in time that the ship had gathered sternaway. + </p> + <p> + “Shift the helm,” I said in a low voice to the seaman standing still like + a statue. + </p> + <p> + The man’s eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as he jumped round + to the other side and spun round the wheel. + </p> + <p> + I walked to the break of the poop. On the over-shadowed deck all hands + stood by the forebraces waiting for my order. The stars ahead seemed to be + gliding from right to left. And all was so still in the world that I heard + the quiet remark, “She’s round,” passed in a tone of intense relief + between two seamen. + </p> + <p> + “Let go and haul.” + </p> + <p> + The foreyards ran round with a great noise, amidst cheery cries. And now + the frightful whiskers made themselves heard giving various orders. + Already the ship was drawing ahead. And I was alone with her. Nothing! no + one in the world should stand now between us, throwing a shadow on the way + of silent knowledge and mute affection, the perfect communion of a seaman + with his first command. + </p> + <p> + Walking to the taffrail, I was in time to make out, on the very edge of a + darkness thrown by a towering black mass like the very gateway of Erebus—yes, + I was in time to catch an evanescent glimpse of my white hat left behind + to mark the spot where the secret sharer of my cabin and of my thoughts, + as though he were my second self, had lowered himself into the water to + take his punishment: a free man, a proud swimmer striking out for a new + destiny. + </p> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Secret Sharer, by Joseph Conrad + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + +***** This file should be named 220-h.htm or 220-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/220/ + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Secret Sharer + +Author: Joseph Conrad + +Release Date: February 1995 [EBook #220] +Posting Date: June 18, 2009 +[This file last updated: December 27, 2010] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + + + + + + + + + +THE SECRET SHARER + +By Joseph Conrad + + + + +I + + +On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes resembling a +mysterious system of half-submerged bamboo fences, incomprehensible in +its division of the domain of tropical fishes, and crazy of aspect as if +abandoned forever by some nomad tribe of fishermen now gone to the other +end of the ocean; for there was no sign of human habitation as far as +the eye could reach. To the left a group of barren islets, suggesting +ruins of stone walls, towers, and blockhouses, had its foundations set +in a blue sea that itself looked solid, so still and stable did it lie +below my feet; even the track of light from the westering sun shone +smoothly, without that animated glitter which tells of an imperceptible +ripple. And when I turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug +which had just left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the straight line +of the flat shore joined to the stable sea, edge to edge, with a perfect +and unmarked closeness, in one leveled floor half brown, half blue under +the enormous dome of the sky. Corresponding in their insignificance to +the islets of the sea, two small clumps of trees, one on each side of +the only fault in the impeccable joint, marked the mouth of the river +Meinam we had just left on the first preparatory stage of our homeward +journey; and, far back on the inland level, a larger and loftier mass, +the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda, was the only thing on +which the eye could rest from the vain task of exploring the monotonous +sweep of the horizon. Here and there gleams as of a few scattered pieces +of silver marked the windings of the great river; and on the nearest of +them, just within the bar, the tug steaming right into the land became +lost to my sight, hull and funnel and masts, as though the impassive +earth had swallowed her up without an effort, without a tremor. My eye +followed the light cloud of her smoke, now here, now there, above the +plain, according to the devious curves of the stream, but always fainter +and farther away, till I lost it at last behind the miter-shaped hill +of the great pagoda. And then I was left alone with my ship, anchored at +the head of the Gulf of Siam. + +She floated at the starting point of a long journey, very still in an +immense stillness, the shadows of her spars flung far to the eastward by +the setting sun. At that moment I was alone on her decks. There was not +a sound in her--and around us nothing moved, nothing lived, not a canoe +on the water, not a bird in the air, not a cloud in the sky. In this +breathless pause at the threshold of a long passage we seemed to be +measuring our fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed +task of both our existences to be carried out, far from all human eyes, +with only sky and sea for spectators and for judges. + +There must have been some glare in the air to interfere with one's +sight, because it was only just before the sun left us that my roaming +eyes made out beyond the highest ridges of the principal islet of the +group something which did away with the solemnity of perfect solitude. +The tide of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with tropical suddenness a +swarm of stars came out above the shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, +my hand resting lightly on my ship's rail as if on the shoulder of a +trusted friend. But, with all that multitude of celestial bodies staring +down at one, the comfort of quiet communion with her was gone for good. +And there were also disturbing sounds by this time--voices, footsteps +forward; the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily ministering +spirit; a hand bell tinkled urgently under the poop deck.... + +I found my two officers waiting for me near the supper table, in the +lighted cuddy. We sat down at once, and as I helped the chief mate, I +said: + +"Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside the islands? I saw +her mastheads above the ridge as the sun went down." + +He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a terrible growth of +whisker, and emitted his usual ejaculations: "Bless my soul, sir! You +don't say so!" + +My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young man, grave beyond his +years, I thought; but as our eyes happened to meet I detected a slight +quiver on his lips. I looked down at once. It was not my part to +encourage sneering on board my ship. It must be said, too, that I knew +very little of my officers. In consequence of certain events of no +particular significance, except to myself, I had been appointed to the +command only a fortnight before. Neither did I know much of the hands +forward. All these people had been together for eighteen months or so, +and my position was that of the only stranger on board. I mention this +because it has some bearing on what is to follow. But what I felt most +was my being a stranger to the ship; and if all the truth must be +told, I was somewhat of a stranger to myself. The youngest man on board +(barring the second mate), and untried as yet by a position of the +fullest responsibility, I was willing to take the adequacy of the others +for granted. They had simply to be equal to their tasks; but I wondered +how far I should turn out faithful to that ideal conception of one's own +personality every man sets up for himself secretly. + +Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect of collaboration +on the part of his round eyes and frightful whiskers, was trying to +evolve a theory of the anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all +things into earnest consideration. He was of a painstaking turn of mind. +As he used to say, he "liked to account to himself" for practically +everything that came in his way, down to a miserable scorpion he had +found in his cabin a week before. The why and the wherefore of that +scorpion--how it got on board and came to select his room rather than +the pantry (which was a dark place and more what a scorpion would be +partial to), and how on earth it managed to drown itself in the inkwell +of his writing desk--had exercised him infinitely. The ship within the +islands was much more easily accounted for; and just as we were about +to rise from table he made his pronouncement. She was, he doubted not, a +ship from home lately arrived. Probably she drew too much water to cross +the bar except at the top of spring tides. Therefore she went into that +natural harbor to wait for a few days in preference to remaining in an +open roadstead. + +"That's so," confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in his slightly hoarse +voice. "She draws over twenty feet. She's the Liverpool ship Sephora +with a cargo of coal. Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff." + +We looked at him in surprise. + +"The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board for your letters, +sir," explained the young man. "He expects to take her up the river the +day after tomorrow." + +After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his information he slipped +out of the cabin. The mate observed regretfully that he "could not +account for that young fellow's whims." What prevented him telling us +all about it at once, he wanted to know. + +I detained him as he was making a move. For the last two days the crew +had had plenty of hard work, and the night before they had very little +sleep. I felt painfully that I--a stranger--was doing something unusual +when I directed him to let all hands turn in without setting an +anchor watch. I proposed to keep on deck myself till one o'clock or +thereabouts. I would get the second mate to relieve me at that hour. + +"He will turn out the cook and the steward at four," I concluded, "and +then give you a call. Of course at the slightest sign of any sort of +wind we'll have the hands up and make a start at once." + +He concealed his astonishment. "Very well, sir." Outside the cuddy he +put his head in the second mate's door to inform him of my unheard-of +caprice to take a five hours' anchor watch on myself. I heard the other +raise his voice incredulously--"What? The Captain himself?" Then a few +more murmurs, a door closed, then another. A few moments later I went on +deck. + +My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had prompted that +unconventional arrangement, as if I had expected in those solitary hours +of the night to get on terms with the ship of which I knew nothing, +manned by men of whom I knew very little more. Fast alongside a wharf, +littered like any ship in port with a tangle of unrelated things, +invaded by unrelated shore people, I had hardly seen her yet properly. +Now, as she lay cleared for sea, the stretch of her main-deck seemed to +me very fine under the stars. Very fine, very roomy for her size, +and very inviting. I descended the poop and paced the waist, my mind +picturing to myself the coming passage through the Malay Archipelago, +down the Indian Ocean, and up the Atlantic. All its phases were familiar +enough to me, every characteristic, all the alternatives which were +likely to face me on the high seas--everything!... except the novel +responsibility of command. But I took heart from the reasonable thought +that the ship was like other ships, the men like other men, and that +the sea was not likely to keep any special surprises expressly for my +discomfiture. + +Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought myself of a cigar and +went below to get it. All was still down there. Everybody at the +after end of the ship was sleeping profoundly. I came out again on +the quarter-deck, agreeably at ease in my sleeping suit on that warm +breathless night, barefooted, a glowing cigar in my teeth, and, going +forward, I was met by the profound silence of the fore end of the ship. +Only as I passed the door of the forecastle, I heard a deep, quiet, +trustful sigh of some sleeper inside. And suddenly I rejoiced in the +great security of the sea as compared with the unrest of the land, in +my choice of that untempted life presenting no disquieting +problems, invested with an elementary moral beauty by the absolute +straightforwardness of its appeal and by the singleness of its purpose. + +The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, untroubled, as +if symbolic, flame, confident and bright in the mysterious shades of +the night. Passing on my way aft along the other side of the ship, I +observed that the rope side ladder, put over, no doubt, for the master +of the tug when he came to fetch away our letters, had not been hauled +in as it should have been. I became annoyed at this, for exactitude in +some small matters is the very soul of discipline. Then I reflected that +I had myself peremptorily dismissed my officers from duty, and by my +own act had prevented the anchor watch being formally set and things +properly attended to. I asked myself whether it was wise ever to +interfere with the established routine of duties even from the kindest +of motives. My action might have made me appear eccentric. Goodness only +knew how that absurdly whiskered mate would "account" for my conduct, +and what the whole ship thought of that informality of their new +captain. I was vexed with myself. + +Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were mechanically, I +proceeded to get the ladder in myself. Now a side ladder of that sort +is a light affair and comes in easily, yet my vigorous tug, which should +have brought it flying on board, merely recoiled upon my body in a +totally unexpected jerk. What the devil!... I was so astounded by +the immovableness of that ladder that I remained stock-still, trying to +account for it to myself like that imbecile mate of mine. In the end, of +course, I put my head over the rail. + +The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow on the darkling +glassy shimmer of the sea. But I saw at once something elongated and +pale floating very close to the ladder. Before I could form a guess a +faint flash of phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly +from the naked body of a man, flickered in the sleeping water with the +elusive, silent play of summer lightning in a night sky. With a gasp I +saw revealed to my stare a pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid +back immersed right up to the neck in a greenish cadaverous glow. One +hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. He was complete +but for the head. A headless corpse! The cigar dropped out of my gaping +mouth with a tiny plop and a short hiss quite audible in the absolute +stillness of all things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up his +face, a dimly pale oval in the shadow of the ship's side. But even then +I could only barely make out down there the shape of his black-haired +head. However, it was enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation +which had gripped me about the chest to pass off. The moment of vain +exclamations was past, too. I only climbed on the spare spar and leaned +over the rail as far as I could, to bring my eyes nearer to that mystery +floating alongside. + +As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, the sea lightning +played about his limbs at every stir; and he appeared in it ghastly, +silvery, fishlike. He remained as mute as a fish, too. He made no motion +to get out of the water, either. It was inconceivable that he should +not attempt to come on board, and strangely troubling to suspect that +perhaps he did not want to. And my first words were prompted by just +that troubled incertitude. + +"What's the matter?" I asked in my ordinary tone, speaking down to the +face upturned exactly under mine. + +"Cramp," it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, "I say, no need +to call anyone." + +"I was not going to," I said. + +"Are you alone on deck?" + +"Yes." + +I had somehow the impression that he was on the point of letting go the +ladder to swim away beyond my ken--mysterious as he came. But, for the +moment, this being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the +sea (it was certainly the nearest land to the ship) wanted only to know +the time. I told him. And he, down there, tentatively: + +"I suppose your captain's turned in?" + +"I am sure he isn't," I said. + +He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard something like the low, +bitter murmur of doubt. "What's the good?" His next words came out with +a hesitating effort. + +"Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?" + +I thought the time had come to declare myself. + +"I am the captain." + +I heard a "By Jove!" whispered at the level of the water. The +phosphorescence flashed in the swirl of the water all about his limbs, +his other hand seized the ladder. + +"My name's Leggatt." + +The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The self-possession of +that man had somehow induced a corresponding state in myself. It was +very quietly that I remarked: + +"You must be a good swimmer." + +"Yes. I've been in the water practically since nine o'clock. The +question for me now is whether I am to let go this ladder and go on +swimming till I sink from exhaustion, or--to come on board here." + +I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, but a real +alternative in the view of a strong soul. I should have gathered from +this that he was young; indeed, it is only the young who are ever +confronted by such clear issues. But at the time it was pure intuition +on my part. A mysterious communication was established already between +us two--in the face of that silent, darkened tropical sea. I was +young, too; young enough to make no comment. The man in the water began +suddenly to climb up the ladder, and I hastened away from the rail to +fetch some clothes. + +Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in the lobby at the +foot of the stairs. A faint snore came through the closed door of the +chief mate's room. The second mate's door was on the hook, but the +darkness in there was absolutely soundless. He, too, was young and could +sleep like a stone. Remained the steward, but he was not likely to +wake up before he was called. I got a sleeping suit out of my room and, +coming back on deck, saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main +hatch, glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on his knees and +his head in his hands. In a moment he had concealed his damp body in a +sleeping suit of the same gray-stripe pattern as the one I was wearing +and followed me like my double on the poop. Together we moved right aft, +barefooted, silent. + +"What is it?" I asked in a deadened voice, taking the lighted lamp out +of the binnacle, and raising it to his face. + +"An ugly business." + +He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light eyes under somewhat +heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, square forehead; no growth on his +cheeks; a small, brown mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. His +expression was concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting light of +the lamp I held up to his face; such as a man thinking hard in solitude +might wear. My sleeping suit was just right for his size. A well-knit +young fellow of twenty-five at most. He caught his lower lip with the +edge of white, even teeth. + +"Yes," I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. The warm, heavy +tropical night closed upon his head again. + +"There's a ship over there," he murmured. + +"Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?" + +"Hadn't the slightest idea. I am the mate of her--" He paused and +corrected himself. "I should say I _was_." + +"Aha! Something wrong?" + +"Yes. Very wrong indeed. I've killed a man." + +"What do you mean? Just now?" + +"No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. When I say a man--" + +"Fit of temper," I suggested, confidently. + +The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod imperceptibly above the +ghostly gray of my sleeping suit. It was, in the night, as though I had +been faced by my own reflection in the depths of a somber and immense +mirror. + +"A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway boy," murmured my +double, distinctly. + +"You're a Conway boy?" + +"I am," he said, as if startled. Then, slowly... "Perhaps you too--" + +It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left before he +joined. After a quick interchange of dates a silence fell; and I thought +suddenly of my absurd mate with his terrific whiskers and the "Bless my +soul--you don't say so" type of intellect. My double gave me an inkling +of his thoughts by saying: "My father's a parson in Norfolk. Do you see +me before a judge and jury on that charge? For myself I can't see the +necessity. There are fellows that an angel from heaven--And I am not +that. He was one of those creatures that are just simmering all the time +with a silly sort of wickedness. Miserable devils that have no business +to live at all. He wouldn't do his duty and wouldn't let anybody else do +theirs. But what's the good of talking! You know well enough the sort of +ill-conditioned snarling cur--" + +He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as identical as +our clothes. And I knew well enough the pestiferous danger of such a +character where there are no means of legal repression. And I knew well +enough also that my double there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not +think of asking him for details, and he told me the story roughly in +brusque, disconnected sentences. I needed no more. I saw it all going on +as though I were myself inside that other sleeping suit. + +"It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at dusk. Reefed +foresail! You understand the sort of weather. The only sail we had left +to keep the ship running; so you may guess what it had been like for +days. Anxious sort of job, that. He gave me some of his cursed insolence +at the sheet. I tell you I was overdone with this terrific weather that +seemed to have no end to it. Terrific, I tell you--and a deep ship. I +believe the fellow himself was half crazed with funk. It was no time for +gentlemanly reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox. He up +and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for the ship. All hands +saw it coming and took to the rigging, but I had him by the throat, and +went on shaking him like a rat, the men above us yelling, 'Look out! +look out!' Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. They +say that for over ten minutes hardly anything was to be seen of the +ship--just the three masts and a bit of the forecastle head and of the +poop all awash driving along in a smother of foam. It was a miracle that +they found us, jammed together behind the forebitts. It's clear that I +meant business, because I was holding him by the throat still when they +picked us up. He was black in the face. It was too much for them. +It seems they rushed us aft together, gripped as we were, screaming +'Murder!' like a lot of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. And the ship +running for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute her last in +a sea fit to turn your hair gray only a-looking at it. I understand that +the skipper, too, started raving like the rest of them. The man had been +deprived of sleep for more than a week, and to have this sprung on him +at the height of a furious gale nearly drove him out of his mind. I +wonder they didn't fling me overboard after getting the carcass of their +precious shipmate out of my fingers. They had rather a job to separate +us, I've been told. A sufficiently fierce story to make an old judge and +a respectable jury sit up a bit. The first thing I heard when I came to +myself was the maddening howling of that endless gale, and on that the +voice of the old man. He was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face +out of his sou'wester. + +"'Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no longer as chief +mate of this ship.'" + +His care to subdue his voice made it sound monotonous. He rested a hand +on the end of the skylight to steady himself with, and all that time did +not stir a limb, so far as I could see. "Nice little tale for a quiet +tea party," he concluded in the same tone. + +One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; neither did +I stir a limb, so far as I knew. We stood less than a foot from each +other. It occurred to me that if old "Bless my soul--you don't say so" +were to put his head up the companion and catch sight of us, he would +think he was seeing double, or imagine himself come upon a scene of +weird witchcraft; the strange captain having a quiet confabulation +by the wheel with his own gray ghost. I became very much concerned to +prevent anything of the sort. I heard the other's soothing undertone. + +"My father's a parson in Norfolk," it said. Evidently he had forgotten +he had told me this important fact before. Truly a nice little tale. + +"You had better slip down into my stateroom now," I said, moving off +stealthily. My double followed my movements; our bare feet made no +sound; I let him in, closed the door with care, and, after giving a call +to the second mate, returned on deck for my relief. + +"Not much sign of any wind yet," I remarked when he approached. + +"No, sir. Not much," he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse voice, with +just enough deference, no more, and barely suppressing a yawn. + +"Well, that's all you have to look out for. You have got your orders." + +"Yes, sir." + +I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take up his position face +forward with his elbow in the ratlines of the mizzen rigging before I +went below. The mate's faint snoring was still going on peacefully. +The cuddy lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase with +flowers, a polite attention from the ship's provision merchant--the +last flowers we should see for the next three months at the very least. +Two bunches of bananas hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each +side of the rudder casing. Everything was as before in the ship--except +that two of her captain's sleeping suits were simultaneously in use, one +motionless in the cuddy, the other keeping very still in the captain's +stateroom. + +It must be explained here that my cabin had the form of the capital +letter L, the door being within the angle and opening into the short +part of the letter. A couch was to the left, the bed place to the right; +my writing desk and the chronometers' table faced the door. But anyone +opening it, unless he stepped right inside, had no view of what I call +the long (or vertical) part of the letter. It contained some lockers +surmounted by a bookcase; and a few clothes, a thick jacket or two, +caps, oilskin coat, and such like, hung on hooks. There was at the +bottom of that part a door opening into my bathroom, which could be +entered also directly from the saloon. But that way was never used. + +The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage of this particular +shape. Entering my room, lighted strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung +on gimbals above my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he +stepped out quietly from behind the coats hung in the recessed part. + +"I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at once," he +whispered. + +I, too, spoke under my breath. + +"Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking and getting +permission." + +He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, as though he had +been ill. And no wonder. He had been, I heard presently, kept under +arrest in his cabin for nearly seven weeks. But there was nothing sickly +in his eyes or in his expression. He was not a bit like me, really; yet, +as we stood leaning over my bed place, whispering side by side, with our +dark heads together and our backs to the door, anybody bold enough to +open it stealthily would have been treated to the uncanny sight of a +double captain busy talking in whispers with his other self. + +"But all this doesn't tell me how you came to hang on to our side +ladder," I inquired, in the hardly audible murmurs we used, after he had +told me something more of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the +bad weather was over. + +"When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think all those matters out +several times over. I had six weeks of doing nothing else, and with only +an hour or so every evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck." + +He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed place, staring +through the open port. And I could imagine perfectly the manner of this +thinking out--a stubborn if not a steadfast operation; something of +which I should have been perfectly incapable. + +"I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the land," he +continued, so low that I had to strain my hearing near as we were to +each other, shoulder touching shoulder almost. "So I asked to speak to +the old man. He always seemed very sick when he came to see me--as if he +could not look me in the face. You know, that foresail saved the ship. +She was too deep to have run long under bare poles. And it was I +that managed to set it for him. Anyway, he came. When I had him in my +cabin--he stood by the door looking at me as if I had the halter round +my neck already--I asked him right away to leave my cabin door unlocked +at night while the ship was going through Sunda Straits. There would +be the Java coast within two or three miles, off Angier Point. I wanted +nothing more. I've had a prize for swimming my second year in the +Conway." + +"I can believe it," I breathed out. + +"God only knows why they locked me in every night. To see some of +their faces you'd have thought they were afraid I'd go about at night +strangling people. Am I a murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I +had been he wouldn't have trusted himself like that into my room. You'll +say I might have chucked him aside and bolted out, there and then--it +was dark already. Well, no. And for the same reason I wouldn't think of +trying to smash the door. There would have been a rush to stop me at the +noise, and I did not mean to get into a confounded scrimmage. Somebody +else might have got killed--for I would not have broken out only to +get chucked back, and I did not want any more of that work. He refused, +looking more sick than ever. He was afraid of the men, and also of +that old second mate of his who had been sailing with him for years--a +gray-headed old humbug; and his steward, too, had been with him devil +knows how long--seventeen years or more--a dogmatic sort of loafer who +hated me like poison, just because I was the chief mate. No chief mate +ever made more than one voyage in the Sephora, you know. Those two old +chaps ran the ship. Devil only knows what the skipper wasn't afraid of +(all his nerve went to pieces altogether in that hellish spell of bad +weather we had)--of what the law would do to him--of his wife, perhaps. +Oh, yes! she's on board. Though I don't think she would have meddled. +She would have been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any way. +The 'brand of Cain' business, don't you see. That's all right. I was +ready enough to go off wandering on the face of the earth--and that was +price enough to pay for an Abel of that sort. Anyhow, he wouldn't listen +to me. 'This thing must take its course. I represent the law here.' He +was shaking like a leaf. 'So you won't?' 'No!' 'Then I hope you will +be able to sleep on that,' I said, and turned my back on him. 'I wonder +that you can,' cries he, and locks the door. + +"Well after that, I couldn't. Not very well. That was three weeks ago. +We have had a slow passage through the Java Sea; drifted about Carimata +for ten days. When we anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was +all right. The nearest land (and that's five miles) is the ship's +destination; the consul would soon set about catching me; and there +would have been no object in holding to these islets there. I don't +suppose there's a drop of water on them. I don't know how it was, but +tonight that steward, after bringing me my supper, went out to let me +eat it, and left the door unlocked. And I ate it--all there was, too. +After I had finished I strolled out on the quarter-deck. I don't know +that I meant to do anything. A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I +believe. Then a sudden temptation came over me. I kicked off my slippers +and was in the water before I had made up my mind fairly. Somebody heard +the splash and they raised an awful hullabaloo. 'He's gone! Lower the +boats! He's committed suicide! No, he's swimming.' Certainly I was +swimming. It's not so easy for a swimmer like me to commit suicide by +drowning. I landed on the nearest islet before the boat left the ship's +side. I heard them pulling about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but +after a bit they gave up. Everything quieted down and the anchorage +became still as death. I sat down on a stone and began to think. I felt +certain they would start searching for me at daylight. There was no +place to hide on those stony things--and if there had been, what would +have been the good? But now I was clear of that ship, I was not going +back. So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied them up in a +bundle with a stone inside, and dropped them in the deep water on the +outer side of that islet. That was suicide enough for me. Let them think +what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till +I sank--but that's not the same thing. I struck out for another of these +little islands, and it was from that one that I first saw your riding +light. Something to swim for. I went on easily, and on the way I came +upon a flat rock a foot or two above water. In the daytime, I dare say, +you might make it out with a glass from your poop. I scrambled up on it +and rested myself for a bit. Then I made another start. That last spell +must have been over a mile." + +His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the time he stared +straight out through the porthole, in which there was not even a star +to be seen. I had not interrupted him. There was something that made +comment impossible in his narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of +feeling, a quality, which I can't find a name for. And when he ceased, +all I found was a futile whisper: "So you swam for our light?" + +"Yes--straight for it. It was something to swim for. I couldn't see any +stars low down because the coast was in the way, and I couldn't see the +land, either. The water was like glass. One might have been swimming in +a confounded thousand-feet deep cistern with no place for scrambling out +anywhere; but what I didn't like was the notion of swimming round and +round like a crazed bullock before I gave out; and as I didn't mean to +go back... No. Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, off one +of these little islands by the scruff of the neck and fighting like a +wild beast? Somebody would have got killed for certain, and I did not +want any of that. So I went on. Then your ladder--" + +"Why didn't you hail the ship?" I asked, a little louder. + +He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came right over our heads +and stopped. The second mate had crossed from the other side of the poop +and might have been hanging over the rail for all we knew. + +"He couldn't hear us talking--could he?" My double breathed into my very +ear, anxiously. + +His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the question I had +put to him. An answer containing all the difficulty of that situation. I +closed the porthole quietly, to make sure. A louder word might have been +overheard. + +"Who's that?" he whispered then. + +"My second mate. But I don't know much more of the fellow than you do." + +And I told him a little about myself. I had been appointed to take +charge while I least expected anything of the sort, not quite a +fortnight ago. I didn't know either the ship or the people. Hadn't had +the time in port to look about me or size anybody up. And as to the +crew, all they knew was that I was appointed to take the ship home. +For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on board as himself, +I said. And at the moment I felt it most acutely. I felt that it would +take very little to make me a suspect person in the eyes of the ship's +company. + +He had turned about meantime; and we, the two strangers in the ship, +faced each other in identical attitudes. + +"Your ladder--" he murmured, after a silence. "Who'd have thought of +finding a ladder hanging over at night in a ship anchored out here! I +felt just then a very unpleasant faintness. After the life I've been +leading for nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition. I +wasn't capable of swimming round as far as your rudder chains. And, lo +and behold! there was a ladder to get hold of. After I gripped it I said +to myself, 'What's the good?' When I saw a man's head looking over I +thought I would swim away presently and leave him shouting--in whatever +language it was. I didn't mind being looked at. I--I liked it. And then +you speaking to me so quietly--as if you had expected me--made me hold +on a little longer. It had been a confounded lonely time--I don't mean +while swimming. I was glad to talk a little to somebody that didn't +belong to the Sephora. As to asking for the captain, that was a mere +impulse. It could have been no use, with all the ship knowing about me +and the other people pretty certain to be round here in the morning. I +don't know--I wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, before I went +on. I don't know what I would have said.... 'Fine night, isn't it?' +or something of the sort." + +"Do you think they will be round here presently?" I asked with some +incredulity. + +"Quite likely," he said, faintly. + +"He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head rolled on his +shoulders. + +"H'm. We shall see then. Meantime get into that bed," I whispered. "Want +help? There." + +It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath. This +amazing swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg. He +tumbled in, rolled over on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. +And then, with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly as I +used to look in that bed. I gazed upon my other self for a while before +drawing across carefully the two green serge curtains which ran on a +brass rod. I thought for a moment of pinning them together for greater +safety, but I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling +to rise and hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was extremely +tired, in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain of stealthiness, by +the effort of whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement. It +was three o'clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I +was not sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, fagged +out, looking at the curtains, trying to clear my mind of the confused +sensation of being in two places at once, and greatly bothered by an +exasperating knocking in my head. It was a relief to discover suddenly +that it was not in my head at all, but on the outside of the door. +Before I could collect myself the words "Come in" were out of my mouth, +and the steward entered with a tray, bringing in my morning coffee. I +had slept, after all, and I was so frightened that I shouted, "This way! +I am here, steward," as though he had been miles away. He put down the +tray on the table next the couch and only then said, very quietly, "I +can see you are here, sir." I felt him give me a keen look, but I dared +not meet his eyes just then. He must have wondered why I had drawn the +curtains of my bed before going to sleep on the couch. He went out, +hooking the door open as usual. + +I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I would have been told +at once if there had been any wind. Calm, I thought, and I was doubly +vexed. Indeed, I felt dual more than ever. The steward reappeared +suddenly in the doorway. I jumped up from the couch so quickly that he +gave a start. + +"What do you want here?" + +"Close your port, sir--they are washing decks." + +"It is closed," I said, reddening. + +"Very well, sir." But he did not move from the doorway and returned my +stare in an extraordinary, equivocal manner for a time. Then his eyes +wavered, all his expression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, +almost coaxingly: + +"May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?" + +"Of course!" I turned my back on him while he popped in and out. Then +I unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt. This sort of +thing could not go on very long. The cabin was as hot as an oven, too. I +took a peep at my double, and discovered that he had not moved, his arm +was still over his eyes; but his chest heaved; his hair was wet; his +chin glistened with perspiration. I reached over him and opened the +port. + +"I must show myself on deck," I reflected. + +Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with no one to say +nay to me within the whole circle of the horizon; but to lock my cabin +door and take the key away I did not dare. Directly I put my head out +of the companion I saw the group of my two officers, the second mate +barefooted, the chief mate in long India-rubber boots, near the break of +the poop, and the steward halfway down the poop ladder talking to them +eagerly. He happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second ran down +on the main-deck shouting some order or other, and the chief mate came +to meet me, touching his cap. + +There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like. I don't +know whether the steward had told them that I was "queer" only, or +downright drunk, but I know the man meant to have a good look at me. I +watched him coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank range, +took effect and froze his very whiskers. I did not give him time to open +his lips. + +"Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast." + +It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship; and I +stayed on deck to see it executed, too. I had felt the need of asserting +myself without loss of time. That sneering young cub got taken down a +peg or two on that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of having +a good look at the face of every foremast man as they filed past me +to go to the after braces. At breakfast time, eating nothing myself, I +presided with such frigid dignity that the two mates were only too glad +to escape from the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all the +time the dual working of my mind distracted me almost to the point of +insanity. I was constantly watching myself, my secret self, as dependent +on my actions as my own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that +door which faced me as I sat at the head of the table. It was very much +like being mad, only it was worse because one was aware of it. + +I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last he opened his +eyes it was in the full possession of his senses, with an inquiring +look. + +"All's well so far," I whispered. "Now you must vanish into the +bathroom." + +He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for the steward, +and facing him boldly, directed him to tidy up my stateroom while I +was having my bath--"and be quick about it." As my tone admitted of +no excuses, he said, "Yes, sir," and ran off to fetch his dustpan and +brushes. I took a bath and did most of my dressing, splashing, and +whistling softly for the steward's edification, while the secret sharer +of my life stood drawn up bolt upright in that little space, his face +looking very sunken in daylight, his eyelids lowered under the stern, +dark line of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight frown. + +When I left him there to go back to my room the steward was finishing +dusting. I sent for the mate and engaged him in some insignificant +conversation. It was, as it were, trifling with the terrific character +of his whiskers; but my object was to give him an opportunity for a +good look at my cabin. And then I could at last shut, with a clear +conscience, the door of my stateroom and get my double back into the +recessed part. There was nothing else for it. He had to sit still on a +small folding stool, half smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. +We listened to the steward going into the bathroom out of the saloon, +filling the water bottles there, scrubbing the bath, setting things +to rights, whisk, bang, clatter--out again into the saloon--turn the +key--click. Such was my scheme for keeping my second self invisible. +Nothing better could be contrived under the circumstances. And there +we sat; I at my writing desk ready to appear busy with some papers, he +behind me out of sight of the door. It would not have been prudent to +talk in daytime; and I could not have stood the excitement of that queer +sense of whispering to myself. Now and then, glancing over my shoulder, +I saw him far back there, sitting rigidly on the low stool, his +bare feet close together, his arms folded, his head hanging on his +breast--and perfectly still. Anybody would have taken him for me. + +I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to glance over my +shoulder. I was looking at him when a voice outside the door said: + +"Beg pardon, sir." + +"Well!..." I kept my eyes on him, and so when the voice outside the +door announced, "There's a ship's boat coming our way, sir," I saw him +give a start--the first movement he had made for hours. But he did not +raise his bowed head. + +"All right. Get the ladder over." + +I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But what? His immobility +seemed to have been never disturbed. What could I tell him he did not +know already?... Finally I went on deck. + + + + +II + +The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all round his face, +and the sort of complexion that goes with hair of that color; also the +particular, rather smeary shade of blue in the eyes. He was not exactly +a showy figure; his shoulders were high, his stature but middling--one +leg slightly more bandy than the other. He shook hands, looking vaguely +around. A spiritless tenacity was his main characteristic, I judged. I +behaved with a politeness which seemed to disconcert him. Perhaps he was +shy. He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of what he was saying; gave +his name (it was something like Archbold--but at this distance of years +I hardly am sure), his ship's name, and a few other particulars of +that sort, in the manner of a criminal making a reluctant and +doleful confession. He had had terrible weather on the passage +out--terrible--terrible--wife aboard, too. + +By this time we were seated in the cabin and the steward brought in a +tray with a bottle and glasses. "Thanks! No." Never took liquor. Would +have some water, though. He drank two tumblerfuls. Terrible thirsty +work. Ever since daylight had been exploring the islands round his ship. + +"What was that for--fun?" I asked, with an appearance of polite +interest. + +"No!" He sighed. "Painful duty." + +As he persisted in his mumbling and I wanted my double to hear every +word, I hit upon the notion of informing him that I regretted to say I +was hard of hearing. + +"Such a young man, too!" he nodded, keeping his smeary blue, +unintelligent eyes fastened upon me. "What was the cause of it--some +disease?" he inquired, without the least sympathy and as if he thought +that, if so, I'd got no more than I deserved. + +"Yes; disease," I admitted in a cheerful tone which seemed to shock him. +But my point was gained, because he had to raise his voice to give me +his tale. It is not worth while to record his version. It was just over +two months since all this had happened, and he had thought so much +about it that he seemed completely muddled as to its bearings, but still +immensely impressed. + +"What would you think of such a thing happening on board your own +ship? I've had the Sephora for these fifteen years. I am a well-known +shipmaster." + +He was densely distressed--and perhaps I should have sympathized with +him if I had been able to detach my mental vision from the unsuspected +sharer of my cabin as though he were my second self. There he was on the +other side of the bulkhead, four or five feet from us, no more, as we +sat in the saloon. I looked politely at Captain Archbold (if that was +his name), but it was the other I saw, in a gray sleeping suit, seated +on a low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms folded, and every +word said between us falling into the ears of his dark head bowed on his +chest. + +"I have been at sea now, man and boy, for seven-and-thirty years, and +I've never heard of such a thing happening in an English ship. And that +it should be my ship. Wife on board, too." + +I was hardly listening to him. + +"Don't you think," I said, "that the heavy sea which, you told me, came +aboard just then might have killed the man? I have seen the sheer weight +of a sea kill a man very neatly, by simply breaking his neck." + +"Good God!" he uttered, impressively, fixing his smeary blue eyes on +me. "The sea! No man killed by the sea ever looked like that." He seemed +positively scandalized at my suggestion. And as I gazed at him certainly +not prepared for anything original on his part, he advanced his head +close to mine and thrust his tongue out at me so suddenly that I +couldn't help starting back. + +After scoring over my calmness in this graphic way he nodded wisely. If +I had seen the sight, he assured me, I would never forget it as long as +I lived. The weather was too bad to give the corpse a proper sea burial. +So next day at dawn they took it up on the poop, covering its face with +a bit of bunting; he read a short prayer, and then, just as it was, in +its oilskins and long boots, they launched it amongst those mountainous +seas that seemed ready every moment to swallow up the ship herself and +the terrified lives on board of her. + +"That reefed foresail saved you," I threw in. + +"Under God--it did," he exclaimed fervently. "It was by a special mercy, +I firmly believe, that it stood some of those hurricane squalls." + +"It was the setting of that sail which--" I began. + +"God's own hand in it," he interrupted me. "Nothing less could have +done it. I don't mind telling you that I hardly dared give the order. +It seemed impossible that we could touch anything without losing it, and +then our last hope would have been gone." + +The terror of that gale was on him yet. I let him go on for a bit, then +said, casually--as if returning to a minor subject: + +"You were very anxious to give up your mate to the shore people, I +believe?" + +He was. To the law. His obscure tenacity on that point had in it +something incomprehensible and a little awful; something, as it were, +mystical, quite apart from his anxiety that he should not be suspected +of "countenancing any doings of that sort." Seven-and-thirty virtuous +years at sea, of which over twenty of immaculate command, and the last +fifteen in the Sephora, seemed to have laid him under some pitiless +obligation. + +"And you know," he went on, groping shame-facedly amongst his feelings, +"I did not engage that young fellow. His people had some interest with +my owners. I was in a way forced to take him on. He looked very smart, +very gentlemanly, and all that. But do you know--I never liked him, +somehow. I am a plain man. You see, he wasn't exactly the sort for the +chief mate of a ship like the Sephora." + +I had become so connected in thoughts and impressions with the secret +sharer of my cabin that I felt as if I, personally, were being given to +understand that I, too, was not the sort that would have done for the +chief mate of a ship like the Sephora. I had no doubt of it in my mind. + +"Not at all the style of man. You understand," he insisted, +superfluously, looking hard at me. + +I smiled urbanely. He seemed at a loss for a while. + +"I suppose I must report a suicide." + +"Beg pardon?" + +"Suicide! That's what I'll have to write to my owners directly I get +in." + +"Unless you manage to recover him before tomorrow," I assented, +dispassionately.... "I mean, alive." + +He mumbled something which I really did not catch, and I turned my ear +to him in a puzzled manner. He fairly bawled: + +"The land--I say, the mainland is at least seven miles off my +anchorage." + +"About that." + +My lack of excitement, of curiosity, of surprise, of any sort of +pronounced interest, began to arouse his distrust. But except for the +felicitous pretense of deafness I had not tried to pretend anything. I +had felt utterly incapable of playing the part of ignorance properly, +and therefore was afraid to try. It is also certain that he had brought +some ready-made suspicions with him, and that he viewed my politeness +as a strange and unnatural phenomenon. And yet how else could I have +received him? Not heartily! That was impossible for psychological +reasons, which I need not state here. My only object was to keep off his +inquiries. Surlily? Yes, but surliness might have provoked a point-blank +question. From its novelty to him and from its nature, punctilious +courtesy was the manner best calculated to restrain the man. But there +was the danger of his breaking through my defense bluntly. I could +not, I think, have met him by a direct lie, also for psychological (not +moral) reasons. If he had only known how afraid I was of his putting +my feeling of identity with the other to the test! But, strangely +enough--(I thought of it only afterwards)--I believe that he was not +a little disconcerted by the reverse side of that weird situation, by +something in me that reminded him of the man he was seeking--suggested a +mysterious similitude to the young fellow he had distrusted and disliked +from the first. + +However that might have been, the silence was not very prolonged. He +took another oblique step. + +"I reckon I had no more than a two-mile pull to your ship. Not a bit +more." + +"And quite enough, too, in this awful heat," I said. + +Another pause full of mistrust followed. Necessity, they say, is mother +of invention, but fear, too, is not barren of ingenious suggestions. And +I was afraid he would ask me point-blank for news of my other self. + +"Nice little saloon, isn't it?" I remarked, as if noticing for the first +time the way his eyes roamed from one closed door to the other. "And +very well fitted out, too. Here, for instance," I continued, reaching +over the back of my seat negligently and flinging the door open, "is my +bathroom." + +He made an eager movement, but hardly gave it a glance. I got up, shut +the door of the bathroom, and invited him to have a look round, as if I +were very proud of my accommodation. He had to rise and be shown round, +but he went through the business without any raptures whatever. + +"And now we'll have a look at my stateroom," I declared, in a voice as +loud as I dared to make it, crossing the cabin to the starboard side +with purposely heavy steps. + +He followed me in and gazed around. My intelligent double had vanished. +I played my part. + +"Very convenient--isn't it?" + +"Very nice. Very comf..." He didn't finish and went out brusquely as +if to escape from some unrighteous wiles of mine. But it was not to be. +I had been too frightened not to feel vengeful; I felt I had him on the +run, and I meant to keep him on the run. My polite insistence must have +had something menacing in it, because he gave in suddenly. And I did +not let him off a single item; mate's room, pantry, storerooms, the very +sail locker which was also under the poop--he had to look into them +all. When at last I showed him out on the quarter-deck he drew a long, +spiritless sigh, and mumbled dismally that he must really be going back +to his ship now. I desired my mate, who had joined us, to see to the +captain's boat. + +The man of whiskers gave a blast on the whistle which he used to wear +hanging round his neck, and yelled, "Sephora's away!" My double down +there in my cabin must have heard, and certainly could not feel more +relieved than I. Four fellows came running out from somewhere forward +and went over the side, while my own men, appearing on deck too, lined +the rail. I escorted my visitor to the gangway ceremoniously, and nearly +overdid it. He was a tenacious beast. On the very ladder he lingered, +and in that unique, guiltily conscientious manner of sticking to the +point: + +"I say... you... you don't think that--" + +I covered his voice loudly: + +"Certainly not.... I am delighted. Good-by." + +I had an idea of what he meant to say, and just saved myself by the +privilege of defective hearing. He was too shaken generally to insist, +but my mate, close witness of that parting, looked mystified and his +face took on a thoughtful cast. As I did not want to appear as if +I wished to avoid all communication with my officers, he had the +opportunity to address me. + +"Seems a very nice man. His boat's crew told our chaps a very +extraordinary story, if what I am told by the steward is true. I suppose +you had it from the captain, sir?" + +"Yes. I had a story from the captain." + +"A very horrible affair--isn't it, sir?" + +"It is." + +"Beats all these tales we hear about murders in Yankee ships." + +"I don't think it beats them. I don't think it resembles them in the +least." + +"Bless my soul--you don't say so! But of course I've no acquaintance +whatever with American ships, not I, so I couldn't go against your +knowledge. It's horrible enough for me.... But the queerest part is +that those fellows seemed to have some idea the man was hidden aboard +here. They had really. Did you ever hear of such a thing?" + +"Preposterous--isn't it?" + +We were walking to and fro athwart the quarter-deck. No one of the crew +forward could be seen (the day was Sunday), and the mate pursued: + +"There was some little dispute about it. Our chaps took offense. 'As +if we would harbor a thing like that,' they said. 'Wouldn't you like to +look for him in our coal-hole?' Quite a tiff. But they made it up in the +end. I suppose he did drown himself. Don't you, sir?" + +"I don't suppose anything." + +"You have no doubt in the matter, sir?" + +"None whatever." + +I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad impression, but with +my double down there it was most trying to be on deck. And it was almost +as trying to be below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. But on the +whole I felt less torn in two when I was with him. There was no one in +the whole ship whom I dared take into my confidence. Since the hands had +got to know his story, it would have been impossible to pass him off for +anyone else, and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now more than +ever.... + +The steward being engaged in laying the table for dinner, we could talk +only with our eyes when I first went down. Later in the afternoon we +had a cautious try at whispering. The Sunday quietness of the ship was +against us; the stillness of air and water around her was against us; +the elements, the men were against us--everything was against us in our +secret partnership; time itself--for this could not go on forever. The +very trust in Providence was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. Shall I +confess that this thought cast me down very much? And as to the chapter +of accidents which counts for so much in the book of success, I could +only hope that it was closed. For what favorable accident could be +expected? + +"Did you hear everything?" were my first words as soon as we took up our +position side by side, leaning over my bed place. + +He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, "The man told you +he hardly dared to give the order." + +I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail. + +"Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting." + +"I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he did, but he never +gave it. He stood there with me on the break of the poop after the +main topsail blew away, and whimpered about our last hope--positively +whimpered about it and nothing else--and the night coming on! To hear +one's skipper go on like that in such weather was enough to drive any +fellow out of his mind. It worked me up into a sort of desperation. I +just took it into my own hands and went away from him, boiling, and--But +what's the use telling you? _You_ know!... Do you think that if I +had not been pretty fierce with them I should have got the men to do +anything? Not I! The bo's'n perhaps? Perhaps! It wasn't a heavy sea--it +was a sea gone mad! I suppose the end of the world will be something +like that; and a man may have the heart to see it coming once and be +done with it--but to have to face it day after day--I don't blame +anybody. I was precious little better than the rest. Only--I was an +officer of that old coal wagon, anyhow--" + +"I quite understand," I conveyed that sincere assurance into his ear. +He was out of breath with whispering; I could hear him pant slightly. +It was all very simple. The same strung-up force which had given +twenty-four men a chance, at least, for their lives, had, in a sort of +recoil, crushed an unworthy mutinous existence. + +But I had no leisure to weigh the merits of the matter--footsteps in +the saloon, a heavy knock. "There's enough wind to get under way with, +sir." Here was the call of a new claim upon my thoughts and even upon my +feelings. + +"Turn the hands up," I cried through the door. "I'll be on deck +directly." + +I was going out to make the acquaintance of my ship. Before I left +the cabin our eyes met--the eyes of the only two strangers on board. I +pointed to the recessed part where the little campstool awaited him and +laid my finger on my lips. He made a gesture--somewhat vague--a little +mysterious, accompanied by a faint smile, as if of regret. + +This is not the place to enlarge upon the sensations of a man who feels +for the first time a ship move under his feet to his own independent +word. In my case they were not unalloyed. I was not wholly alone with my +command; for there was that stranger in my cabin. Or rather, I was +not completely and wholly with her. Part of me was absent. That mental +feeling of being in two places at once affected me physically as if the +mood of secrecy had penetrated my very soul. Before an hour had elapsed +since the ship had begun to move, having occasion to ask the mate (he +stood by my side) to take a compass bearing of the pagoda, I caught +myself reaching up to his ear in whispers. I say I caught myself, but +enough had escaped to startle the man. I can't describe it otherwise +than by saying that he shied. A grave, preoccupied manner, as though he +were in possession of some perplexing intelligence, did not leave him +henceforth. A little later I moved away from the rail to look at the +compass with such a stealthy gait that the helmsman noticed it--and +I could not help noticing the unusual roundness of his eyes. These +are trifling instances, though it's to no commander's advantage to be +suspected of ludicrous eccentricities. But I was also more seriously +affected. There are to a seaman certain words, gestures, that should in +given conditions come as naturally, as instinctively as the winking of +a menaced eye. A certain order should spring on to his lips without +thinking; a certain sign should get itself made, so to speak, without +reflection. But all unconscious alertness had abandoned me. I had to +make an effort of will to recall myself back (from the cabin) to the +conditions of the moment. I felt that I was appearing an irresolute +commander to those people who were watching me more or less critically. + +And, besides, there were the scares. On the second day out, for +instance, coming off the deck in the afternoon (I had straw slippers +on my bare feet) I stopped at the open pantry door and spoke to the +steward. He was doing something there with his back to me. At the sound +of my voice he nearly jumped out of his skin, as the saying is, and +incidentally broke a cup. + +"What on earth's the matter with you?" I asked, astonished. + +He was extremely confused. "Beg your pardon, sir. I made sure you were +in your cabin." + +"You see I wasn't." + +"No, sir. I could have sworn I had heard you moving in there not a +moment ago. It's most extraordinary... very sorry, sir." + +I passed on with an inward shudder. I was so identified with my secret +double that I did not even mention the fact in those scanty, fearful +whispers we exchanged. I suppose he had made some slight noise of some +kind or other. It would have been miraculous if he hadn't at one time +or another. And yet, haggard as he appeared, he looked always perfectly +self-controlled, more than calm--almost invulnerable. On my suggestion +he remained almost entirely in the bathroom, which, upon the whole, +was the safest place. There could be really no shadow of an excuse for +anyone ever wanting to go in there, once the steward had done with it. +It was a very tiny place. Sometimes he reclined on the floor, his legs +bent, his head sustained on one elbow. At others I would find him on the +campstool, sitting in his gray sleeping suit and with his cropped dark +hair like a patient, unmoved convict. At night I would smuggle him into +my bed place, and we would whisper together, with the regular footfalls +of the officer of the watch passing and repassing over our heads. It +was an infinitely miserable time. It was lucky that some tins of fine +preserves were stowed in a locker in my stateroom; hard bread I could +always get hold of; and so he lived on stewed chicken, _Pate de Foie +Gras_, asparagus, cooked oysters, sardines--on all sorts of abominable +sham delicacies out of tins. My early-morning coffee he always drank; +and it was all I dared do for him in that respect. + +Every day there was the horrible maneuvering to go through so that my +room and then the bathroom should be done in the usual way. I came to +hate the sight of the steward, to abhor the voice of that harmless man. +I felt that it was he who would bring on the disaster of discovery. It +hung like a sword over our heads. + +The fourth day out, I think (we were then working down the east side of +the Gulf of Siam, tack for tack, in light winds and smooth water)--the +fourth day, I say, of this miserable juggling with the unavoidable, +as we sat at our evening meal, that man, whose slightest movement I +dreaded, after putting down the dishes ran up on deck busily. This could +not be dangerous. Presently he came down again; and then it appeared +that he had remembered a coat of mine which I had thrown over a rail to +dry after having been wetted in a shower which had passed over the ship +in the afternoon. Sitting stolidly at the head of the table I became +terrified at the sight of the garment on his arm. Of course he made for +my door. There was no time to lose. + +"Steward," I thundered. My nerves were so shaken that I could not govern +my voice and conceal my agitation. This was the sort of thing that made +my terrifically whiskered mate tap his forehead with his forefinger. +I had detected him using that gesture while talking on deck with a +confidential air to the carpenter. It was too far to hear a word, but +I had no doubt that this pantomime could only refer to the strange new +captain. + +"Yes, sir," the pale-faced steward turned resignedly to me. It was this +maddening course of being shouted at, checked without rhyme or reason, +arbitrarily chased out of my cabin, suddenly called into it, sent flying +out of his pantry on incomprehensible errands, that accounted for the +growing wretchedness of his expression. + +"Where are you going with that coat?" + +"To your room, sir." + +"Is there another shower coming?" + +"I'm sure I don't know, sir. Shall I go up again and see, sir?" + +"No! never mind." + +My object was attained, as of course my other self in there would have +heard everything that passed. During this interlude my two officers +never raised their eyes off their respective plates; but the lip of that +confounded cub, the second mate, quivered visibly. + +I expected the steward to hook my coat on and come out at once. He was +very slow about it; but I dominated my nervousness sufficiently not +to shout after him. Suddenly I became aware (it could be heard plainly +enough) that the fellow for some reason or other was opening the door of +the bathroom. It was the end. The place was literally not big enough to +swing a cat in. My voice died in my throat and I went stony all over. I +expected to hear a yell of surprise and terror, and made a movement, but +had not the strength to get on my legs. Everything remained still. Had +my second self taken the poor wretch by the throat? I don't know what I +could have done next moment if I had not seen the steward come out of my +room, close the door, and then stand quietly by the sideboard. + +"Saved," I thought. "But, no! Lost! Gone! He was gone!" + +I laid my knife and fork down and leaned back in my chair. My head swam. +After a while, when sufficiently recovered to speak in a steady voice, I +instructed my mate to put the ship round at eight o'clock himself. + +"I won't come on deck," I went on. "I think I'll turn in, and unless the +wind shifts I don't want to be disturbed before midnight. I feel a bit +seedy." + +"You did look middling bad a little while ago," the chief mate remarked +without showing any great concern. + +They both went out, and I stared at the steward clearing the table. +There was nothing to be read on that wretched man's face. But why did he +avoid my eyes, I asked myself. Then I thought I should like to hear the +sound of his voice. + +"Steward!" + +"Sir!" Startled as usual. + +"Where did you hang up that coat?" + +"In the bathroom, sir." The usual anxious tone. "It's not quite dry yet, +sir." + +For some time longer I sat in the cuddy. Had my double vanished as +he had come? But of his coming there was an explanation, whereas his +disappearance would be inexplicable.... I went slowly into my dark +room, shut the door, lighted the lamp, and for a time dared not turn +round. When at last I did I saw him standing bolt-upright in the +narrow recessed part. It would not be true to say I had a shock, but an +irresistible doubt of his bodily existence flitted through my mind. Can +it be, I asked myself, that he is not visible to other eyes than mine? +It was like being haunted. Motionless, with a grave face, he raised his +hands slightly at me in a gesture which meant clearly, "Heavens! what +a narrow escape!" Narrow indeed. I think I had come creeping quietly as +near insanity as any man who has not actually gone over the border. That +gesture restrained me, so to speak. + +The mate with the terrific whiskers was now putting the ship on the +other tack. In the moment of profound silence which follows upon the +hands going to their stations I heard on the poop his raised voice: +"Hard alee!" and the distant shout of the order repeated on the +main-deck. The sails, in that light breeze, made but a faint fluttering +noise. It ceased. The ship was coming round slowly: I held my breath +in the renewed stillness of expectation; one wouldn't have thought +that there was a single living soul on her decks. A sudden brisk shout, +"Mainsail haul!" broke the spell, and in the noisy cries and rush +overhead of the men running away with the main brace we two, down in my +cabin, came together in our usual position by the bed place. + +He did not wait for my question. "I heard him fumbling here and just +managed to squat myself down in the bath," he whispered to me. "The +fellow only opened the door and put his arm in to hang the coat up. All +the same--" + +"I never thought of that," I whispered back, even more appalled than +before at the closeness of the shave, and marveling at that something +unyielding in his character which was carrying him through so finely. +There was no agitation in his whisper. Whoever was being driven +distracted, it was not he. He was sane. And the proof of his sanity was +continued when he took up the whispering again. + +"It would never do for me to come to life again." + +It was something that a ghost might have said. But what he was alluding +to was his old captain's reluctant admission of the theory of suicide. +It would obviously serve his turn--if I had understood at all the view +which seemed to govern the unalterable purpose of his action. + +"You must maroon me as soon as ever you can get amongst these islands +off the Cambodge shore," he went on. + +"Maroon you! We are not living in a boy's adventure tale," I protested. +His scornful whispering took me up. + +"We aren't indeed! There's nothing of a boy's tale in this. But there's +nothing else for it. I want no more. You don't suppose I am afraid of +what can be done to me? Prison or gallows or whatever they may please. +But you don't see me coming back to explain such things to an old fellow +in a wig and twelve respectable tradesmen, do you? What can they know +whether I am guilty or not--or of _what_ I am guilty, either? That's my +affair. What does the Bible say? 'Driven off the face of the earth.' +Very well, I am off the face of the earth now. As I came at night so I +shall go." + +"Impossible!" I murmured. "You can't." + +"Can't?... Not naked like a soul on the Day of Judgment. I shall +freeze on to this sleeping suit. The Last Day is not yet--and... you +have understood thoroughly. Didn't you?" + +I felt suddenly ashamed of myself. I may say truly that I +understood--and my hesitation in letting that man swim away from my +ship's side had been a mere sham sentiment, a sort of cowardice. + +"It can't be done now till next night," I breathed out. "The ship is on +the off-shore tack and the wind may fail us." + +"As long as I know that you understand," he whispered. "But of course +you do. It's a great satisfaction to have got somebody to understand. +You seem to have been there on purpose." And in the same whisper, as if +we two whenever we talked had to say things to each other which were not +fit for the world to hear, he added, "It's very wonderful." + +We remained side by side talking in our secret way--but sometimes +silent or just exchanging a whispered word or two at long intervals. And +as usual he stared through the port. A breath of wind came now and again +into our faces. The ship might have been moored in dock, so gently and +on an even keel she slipped through the water, that did not murmur even +at our passage, shadowy and silent like a phantom sea. + +At midnight I went on deck, and to my mate's great surprise put the +ship round on the other tack. His terrible whiskers flitted round me +in silent criticism. I certainly should not have done it if it had +been only a question of getting out of that sleepy gulf as quickly as +possible. I believe he told the second mate, who relieved him, that it +was a great want of judgment. The other only yawned. That intolerable +cub shuffled about so sleepily and lolled against the rails in such a +slack, improper fashion that I came down on him sharply. + +"Aren't you properly awake yet?" + +"Yes, sir! I am awake." + +"Well, then, be good enough to hold yourself as if you were. And keep +a lookout. If there's any current we'll be closing with some islands +before daylight." + +The east side of the gulf is fringed with islands, some solitary, others +in groups. On the blue background of the high coast they seem to float +on silvery patches of calm water, arid and gray, or dark green and +rounded like clumps of evergreen bushes, with the larger ones, a mile +or two long, showing the outlines of ridges, ribs of gray rock under the +dark mantle of matted leafage. Unknown to trade, to travel, almost to +geography, the manner of life they harbor is an unsolved secret. There +must be villages--settlements of fishermen at least--on the largest +of them, and some communication with the world is probably kept up by +native craft. But all that forenoon, as we headed for them, fanned along +by the faintest of breezes, I saw no sign of man or canoe in the field +of the telescope I kept on pointing at the scattered group. + +At noon I gave no orders for a change of course, and the mate's whiskers +became much concerned and seemed to be offering themselves unduly to my +notice. At last I said: + +"I am going to stand right in. Quite in--as far as I can take her." + +The stare of extreme surprise imparted an air of ferocity also to his +eyes, and he looked truly terrific for a moment. + +"We're not doing well in the middle of the gulf," I continued, casually. +"I am going to look for the land breezes tonight." + +"Bless my soul! Do you mean, sir, in the dark amongst the lot of all +them islands and reefs and shoals?" + +"Well--if there are any regular land breezes at all on this coast one +must get close inshore to find them, mustn't one?" + +"Bless my soul!" he exclaimed again under his breath. All that afternoon +he wore a dreamy, contemplative appearance which in him was a mark of +perplexity. After dinner I went into my stateroom as if I meant to take +some rest. There we two bent our dark heads over a half-unrolled chart +lying on my bed. + +"There," I said. "It's got to be Koh-ring. I've been looking at it +ever since sunrise. It has got two hills and a low point. It must be +inhabited. And on the coast opposite there is what looks like the mouth +of a biggish river--with some towns, no doubt, not far up. It's the best +chance for you that I can see." + +"Anything. Koh-ring let it be." + +He looked thoughtfully at the chart as if surveying chances and +distances from a lofty height--and following with his eyes his own +figure wandering on the blank land of Cochin-China, and then passing off +that piece of paper clean out of sight into uncharted regions. And it +was as if the ship had two captains to plan her course for her. I had +been so worried and restless running up and down that I had not had the +patience to dress that day. I had remained in my sleeping suit, with +straw slippers and a soft floppy hat. The closeness of the heat in +the gulf had been most oppressive, and the crew were used to seeing me +wandering in that airy attire. + +"She will clear the south point as she heads now," I whispered into his +ear. "Goodness only knows when, though, but certainly after dark. I'll +edge her in to half a mile, as far as I may be able to judge in the +dark--" + +"Be careful," he murmured, warningly--and I realized suddenly that +all my future, the only future for which I was fit, would perhaps go +irretrievably to pieces in any mishap to my first command. + +I could not stop a moment longer in the room. I motioned him to get out +of sight and made my way on the poop. That unplayful cub had the watch. +I walked up and down for a while thinking things out, then beckoned him +over. + +"Send a couple of hands to open the two quarter-deck ports," I said, +mildly. + +He actually had the impudence, or else so forgot himself in his wonder +at such an incomprehensible order, as to repeat: + +"Open the quarter-deck ports! What for, sir?" + +"The only reason you need concern yourself about is because I tell you +to do so. Have them open wide and fastened properly." + +He reddened and went off, but I believe made some jeering remark to +the carpenter as to the sensible practice of ventilating a ship's +quarter-deck. I know he popped into the mate's cabin to impart the fact +to him because the whiskers came on deck, as it were by chance, and +stole glances at me from below--for signs of lunacy or drunkenness, I +suppose. + +A little before supper, feeling more restless than ever, I rejoined, +for a moment, my second self. And to find him sitting so quietly was +surprising, like something against nature, inhuman. + +I developed my plan in a hurried whisper. + +"I shall stand in as close as I dare and then put her round. I will +presently find means to smuggle you out of here into the sail locker, +which communicates with the lobby. But there is an opening, a sort +of square for hauling the sails out, which gives straight on the +quarter-deck and which is never closed in fine weather, so as to give +air to the sails. When the ship's way is deadened in stays and all the +hands are aft at the main braces you will have a clear road to slip out +and get overboard through the open quarter-deck port. I've had them both +fastened up. Use a rope's end to lower yourself into the water so as +to avoid a splash--you know. It could be heard and cause some beastly +complication." + +He kept silent for a while, then whispered, "I understand." + +"I won't be there to see you go," I began with an effort. "The rest +... I only hope I have understood, too." + +"You have. From first to last"--and for the first time there seemed to +be a faltering, something strained in his whisper. He caught hold of my +arm, but the ringing of the supper bell made me start. He didn't though; +he only released his grip. + +After supper I didn't come below again till well past eight o'clock. The +faint, steady breeze was loaded with dew; and the wet, darkened sails +held all there was of propelling power in it. The night, clear and +starry, sparkled darkly, and the opaque, lightless patches shifting +slowly against the low stars were the drifting islets. On the port bow +there was a big one more distant and shadowily imposing by the great +space of sky it eclipsed. + +On opening the door I had a back view of my very own self looking at a +chart. He had come out of the recess and was standing near the table. + +"Quite dark enough," I whispered. + +He stepped back and leaned against my bed with a level, quiet glance. +I sat on the couch. We had nothing to say to each other. Over our heads +the officer of the watch moved here and there. Then I heard him move +quickly. I knew what that meant. He was making for the companion; and +presently his voice was outside my door. + +"We are drawing in pretty fast, sir. Land looks rather close." + +"Very well," I answered. "I am coming on deck directly." + +I waited till he was gone out of the cuddy, then rose. My double moved +too. The time had come to exchange our last whispers, for neither of us +was ever to hear each other's natural voice. + +"Look here!" I opened a drawer and took out three sovereigns. "Take this +anyhow. I've got six and I'd give you the lot, only I must keep a little +money to buy some fruit and vegetables for the crew from native boats as +we go through Sunda Straits." + +He shook his head. + +"Take it," I urged him, whispering desperately. "No one can tell what--" + +He smiled and slapped meaningly the only pocket of the sleeping jacket. +It was not safe, certainly. But I produced a large old silk handkerchief +of mine, and tying the three pieces of gold in a corner, pressed it on +him. He was touched, I supposed, because he took it at last and tied it +quickly round his waist under the jacket, on his bare skin. + +Our eyes met; several seconds elapsed, till, our glances still mingled, +I extended my hand and turned the lamp out. Then I passed through the +cuddy, leaving the door of my room wide open.... "Steward!" + +He was still lingering in the pantry in the greatness of his zeal, +giving a rub-up to a plated cruet stand the last thing before going to +bed. Being careful not to wake up the mate, whose room was opposite, I +spoke in an undertone. + +He looked round anxiously. "Sir!" + +"Can you get me a little hot water from the galley?" + +"I am afraid, sir, the galley fire's been out for some time now." + +"Go and see." + +He flew up the stairs. + +"Now," I whispered, loudly, into the saloon--too loudly, perhaps, but I +was afraid I couldn't make a sound. He was by my side in an instant--the +double captain slipped past the stairs--through a tiny dark passage +... a sliding door. We were in the sail locker, scrambling on our knees +over the sails. A sudden thought struck me. I saw myself wandering +barefooted, bareheaded, the sun beating on my dark poll. I snatched +off my floppy hat and tried hurriedly in the dark to ram it on my other +self. He dodged and fended off silently. I wonder what he thought had +come to me before he understood and suddenly desisted. Our hands met +gropingly, lingered united in a steady, motionless clasp for a second. +... No word was breathed by either of us when they separated. + +I was standing quietly by the pantry door when the steward returned. + +"Sorry, sir. Kettle barely warm. Shall I light the spirit lamp?" + +"Never mind." + +I came out on deck slowly. It was now a matter of conscience to shave +the land as close as possible--for now he must go overboard whenever the +ship was put in stays. Must! There could be no going back for him. After +a moment I walked over to leeward and my heart flew into my mouth at the +nearness of the land on the bow. Under any other circumstances I would +not have held on a minute longer. The second mate had followed me +anxiously. + +I looked on till I felt I could command my voice. + +"She will weather," I said then in a quiet tone. + +"Are you going to try that, sir?" he stammered out incredulously. + +I took no notice of him and raised my tone just enough to be heard by +the helmsman. + +"Keep her good full." + +"Good full, sir." + +The wind fanned my cheek, the sails slept, the world was silent. The +strain of watching the dark loom of the land grow bigger and denser was +too much for me. I had shut my eyes--because the ship must go closer. +She must! The stillness was intolerable. Were we standing still? + +When I opened my eyes the second view started my heart with a thump. The +black southern hill of Koh-ring seemed to hang right over the ship +like a towering fragment of everlasting night. On that enormous mass of +blackness there was not a gleam to be seen, not a sound to be heard. It +was gliding irresistibly towards us and yet seemed already within reach +of the hand. I saw the vague figures of the watch grouped in the waist, +gazing in awed silence. + +"Are you going on, sir?" inquired an unsteady voice at my elbow. + +I ignored it. I had to go on. + +"Keep her full. Don't check her way. That won't do now," I said +warningly. + +"I can't see the sails very well," the helmsman answered me, in strange, +quavering tones. + +Was she close enough? Already she was, I won't say in the shadow of the +land, but in the very blackness of it, already swallowed up as it were, +gone too close to be recalled, gone from me altogether. + +"Give the mate a call," I said to the young man who stood at my elbow as +still as death. "And turn all hands up." + +My tone had a borrowed loudness reverberated from the height of the +land. Several voices cried out together: "We are all on deck, sir." + +Then stillness again, with the great shadow gliding closer, towering +higher, without a light, without a sound. Such a hush had fallen on +the ship that she might have been a bark of the dead floating in slowly +under the very gate of Erebus. + +"My God! Where are we?" + +It was the mate moaning at my elbow. He was thunderstruck, and as it +were deprived of the moral support of his whiskers. He clapped his hands +and absolutely cried out, "Lost!" + +"Be quiet," I said, sternly. + +He lowered his tone, but I saw the shadowy gesture of his despair. "What +are we doing here?" + +"Looking for the land wind." + +He made as if to tear his hair, and addressed me recklessly. + +"She will never get out. You have done it, sir. I knew it'd end in +something like this. She will never weather, and you are too close now +to stay. She'll drift ashore before she's round. Oh my God!" + +I caught his arm as he was raising it to batter his poor devoted head, +and shook it violently. + +"She's ashore already," he wailed, trying to tear himself away. + +"Is she?... Keep good full there!" + +"Good full, sir," cried the helmsman in a frightened, thin, childlike +voice. + +I hadn't let go the mate's arm and went on shaking it. "Ready about, +do you hear? You go forward"--shake--"and stop there"--shake--"and hold +your noise"--shake--"and see these head-sheets properly +overhauled"--shake, shake--shake. + +And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest my heart should +fail me. I released my grip at last and he ran forward as if fleeing for +dear life. + +I wondered what my double there in the sail locker thought of this +commotion. He was able to hear everything--and perhaps he was able to +understand why, on my conscience, it had to be thus close--no less. My +first order "Hard alee!" re-echoed ominously under the towering shadow +of Koh-ring as if I had shouted in a mountain gorge. And then I watched +the land intently. In that smooth water and light wind it was impossible +to feel the ship coming-to. No! I could not feel her. And my second self +was making now ready to ship out and lower himself overboard. Perhaps he +was gone already...? + +The great black mass brooding over our very mastheads began to pivot +away from the ship's side silently. And now I forgot the secret stranger +ready to depart, and remembered only that I was a total stranger to the +ship. I did not know her. Would she do it? How was she to be handled? + +I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly. She was perhaps stopped, and +her very fate hung in the balance, with the black mass of Koh-ring like +the gate of the everlasting night towering over her taffrail. What would +she do now? Had she way on her yet? I stepped to the side swiftly, and +on the shadowy water I could see nothing except a faint phosphorescent +flash revealing the glassy smoothness of the sleeping surface. It was +impossible to tell--and I had not learned yet the feel of my ship. Was +she moving? What I needed was something easily seen, a piece of paper, +which I could throw overboard and watch. I had nothing on me. To run +down for it I didn't dare. There was no time. All at once my strained, +yearning stare distinguished a white object floating within a yard of +the ship's side. White on the black water. A phosphorescent flash passed +under it. What was that thing?... I recognized my own floppy hat. It +must have fallen off his head... and he didn't bother. Now I had what +I wanted--the saving mark for my eyes. But I hardly thought of my other +self, now gone from the ship, to be hidden forever from all friendly +faces, to be a fugitive and a vagabond on the earth, with no brand of +the curse on his sane forehead to stay a slaying hand... too proud to +explain. + +And I watched the hat--the expression of my sudden pity for his mere +flesh. It had been meant to save his homeless head from the dangers of +the sun. And now--behold--it was saving the ship, by serving me for a +mark to help out the ignorance of my strangeness. Ha! It was drifting +forward, warning me just in time that the ship had gathered sternaway. + +"Shift the helm," I said in a low voice to the seaman standing still +like a statue. + +The man's eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as he jumped round +to the other side and spun round the wheel. + +I walked to the break of the poop. On the over-shadowed deck all hands +stood by the forebraces waiting for my order. The stars ahead seemed to +be gliding from right to left. And all was so still in the world that +I heard the quiet remark, "She's round," passed in a tone of intense +relief between two seamen. + +"Let go and haul." + +The foreyards ran round with a great noise, amidst cheery cries. And +now the frightful whiskers made themselves heard giving various orders. +Already the ship was drawing ahead. And I was alone with her. Nothing! +no one in the world should stand now between us, throwing a shadow on +the way of silent knowledge and mute affection, the perfect communion of +a seaman with his first command. + +Walking to the taffrail, I was in time to make out, on the very edge +of a darkness thrown by a towering black mass like the very gateway of +Erebus--yes, I was in time to catch an evanescent glimpse of my white +hat left behind to mark the spot where the secret sharer of my cabin and +of my thoughts, as though he were my second self, had lowered himself +into the water to take his punishment: a free man, a proud swimmer +striking out for a new destiny. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Secret Sharer, by Joseph Conrad + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + +***** This file should be named 220.txt or 220.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/220/ + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Binary files differdiff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..be611dc --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #220 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/220) diff --git a/old/20060109-220.txt b/old/20060109-220.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..35dd95a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/20060109-220.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2146 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Secret Sharer, by Joseph Conrad + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Secret Sharer + +Author: Joseph Conrad + +Release Date: January 9, 2006 [EBook #220] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + + + + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + + + + + +THE SECRET SHARER + +by Joseph Conrad + + + +I + + +On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes resembling a +mysterious system of half-submerged bamboo fences, incomprehensible in +its division of the domain of tropical fishes, and crazy of aspect as if +abandoned forever by some nomad tribe of fishermen now gone to the other +end of the ocean; for there was no sign of human habitation as far as +the eye could reach. To the left a group of barren islets, suggesting +ruins of stone walls, towers, and blockhouses, had its foundations set +in a blue sea that itself looked solid, so still and stable did it lie +below my feet; even the track of light from the westering sun shone +smoothly, without that animated glitter which tells of an imperceptible +ripple. And when I turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug +which had just left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the straight line +of the flat shore joined to the stable sea, edge to edge, with a perfect +and unmarked closeness, in one leveled floor half brown, half blue under +the enormous dome of the sky. Corresponding in their insignificance to +the islets of the sea, two small clumps of trees, one on each side of +the only fault in the impeccable joint, marked the mouth of the river +Meinam we had just left on the first preparatory stage of our homeward +journey; and, far back on the inland level, a larger and loftier mass, +the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda, was the only thing on +which the eye could rest from the vain task of exploring the monotonous +sweep of the horizon. Here and there gleams as of a few scattered pieces +of silver marked the windings of the great river; and on the nearest of +them, just within the bar, the tug steaming right into the land became +lost to my sight, hull and funnel and masts, as though the impassive +earth had swallowed her up without an effort, without a tremor. My eye +followed the light cloud of her smoke, now here, now there, above the +plain, according to the devious curves of the stream, but always fainter +and farther away, till I lost it at last behind the miter-shaped hill +of the great pagoda. And then I was left alone with my ship, anchored at +the head of the Gulf of Siam. + +She floated at the starting point of a long journey, very still in an +immense stillness, the shadows of her spars flung far to the eastward by +the setting sun. At that moment I was alone on her decks. There was not +a sound in her--and around us nothing moved, nothing lived, not a canoe +on the water, not a bird in the air, not a cloud in the sky. In this +breathless pause at the threshold of a long passage we seemed to be +measuring our fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed +task of both our existences to be carried out, far from all human eyes, +with only sky and sea for spectators and for judges. + +There must have been some glare in the air to interfere with one's +sight, because it was only just before the sun left us that my roaming +eyes made out beyond the highest ridges of the principal islet of the +group something which did away with the solemnity of perfect solitude. +The tide of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with tropical suddenness a +swarm of stars came out above the shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, +my hand resting lightly on my ship's rail as if on the shoulder of a +trusted friend. But, with all that multitude of celestial bodies staring +down at one, the comfort of quiet communion with her was gone for good. +And there were also disturbing sounds by this time--voices, footsteps +forward; the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily ministering +spirit; a hand bell tinkled urgently under the poop deck.... + +I found my two officers waiting for me near the supper table, in the +lighted cuddy. We sat down at once, and as I helped the chief mate, I +said: + +"Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside the islands? I saw +her mastheads above the ridge as the sun went down." + +He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a terrible growth of +whisker, and emitted his usual ejaculations: "Bless my soul, sir! You +don't say so!" + +My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young man, grave beyond his +years, I thought; but as our eyes happened to meet I detected a slight +quiver on his lips. I looked down at once. It was not my part to +encourage sneering on board my ship. It must be said, too, that I knew +very little of my officers. In consequence of certain events of no +particular significance, except to myself, I had been appointed to the +command only a fortnight before. Neither did I know much of the hands +forward. All these people had been together for eighteen months or so, +and my position was that of the only stranger on board. I mention this +because it has some bearing on what is to follow. But what I felt most +was my being a stranger to the ship; and if all the truth must be +told, I was somewhat of a stranger to myself. The youngest man on board +(barring the second mate), and untried as yet by a position of the +fullest responsibility, I was willing to take the adequacy of the others +for granted. They had simply to be equal to their tasks; but I wondered +how far I should turn out faithful to that ideal conception of one's own +personality every man sets up for himself secretly. + +Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect of collaboration +on the part of his round eyes and frightful whiskers, was trying to +evolve a theory of the anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all +things into earnest consideration. He was of a painstaking turn of mind. +As he used to say, he "liked to account to himself" for practically +everything that came in his way, down to a miserable scorpion he had +found in his cabin a week before. The why and the wherefore of that +scorpion--how it got on board and came to select his room rather than +the pantry (which was a dark place and more what a scorpion would be +partial to), and how on earth it managed to drown itself in the inkwell +of his writing desk--had exercised him infinitely. The ship within the +islands was much more easily accounted for; and just as we were about +to rise from table he made his pronouncement. She was, he doubted not, a +ship from home lately arrived. Probably she drew too much water to cross +the bar except at the top of spring tides. Therefore she went into that +natural harbor to wait for a few days in preference to remaining in an +open roadstead. + +"That's so," confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in his slightly hoarse +voice. "She draws over twenty feet. She's the Liverpool ship Sephora +with a cargo of coal. Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff." + +We looked at him in surprise. + +"The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board for your letters, +sir," explained the young man. "He expects to take her up the river the +day after tomorrow." + +After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his information he slipped +out of the cabin. The mate observed regretfully that he "could not +account for that young fellow's whims." What prevented him telling us +all about it at once, he wanted to know. + +I detained him as he was making a move. For the last two days the crew +had had plenty of hard work, and the night before they had very little +sleep. I felt painfully that I--a stranger--was doing something unusual +when I directed him to let all hands turn in without setting an +anchor watch. I proposed to keep on deck myself till one o'clock or +thereabouts. I would get the second mate to relieve me at that hour. + +"He will turn out the cook and the steward at four," I concluded, "and +then give you a call. Of course at the slightest sign of any sort of +wind we'll have the hands up and make a start at once." + +He concealed his astonishment. "Very well, sir." Outside the cuddy he +put his head in the second mate's door to inform him of my unheard-of +caprice to take a five hours' anchor watch on myself. I heard the other +raise his voice incredulously--"What? The Captain himself?" Then a few +more murmurs, a door closed, then another. A few moments later I went on +deck. + +My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had prompted that +unconventional arrangement, as if I had expected in those solitary hours +of the night to get on terms with the ship of which I knew nothing, +manned by men of whom I knew very little more. Fast alongside a wharf, +littered like any ship in port with a tangle of unrelated things, +invaded by unrelated shore people, I had hardly seen her yet properly. +Now, as she lay cleared for sea, the stretch of her main-deck seemed to +me very find under the stars. Very fine, very roomy for her size, +and very inviting. I descended the poop and paced the waist, my mind +picturing to myself the coming passage through the Malay Archipelago, +down the Indian Ocean, and up the Atlantic. All its phases were familiar +enough to me, every characteristic, all the alternatives which were +likely to face me on the high seas--everything! . . . except the novel +responsibility of command. But I took heart from the reasonable thought +that the ship was like other ships, the men like other men, and that +the sea was not likely to keep any special surprises expressly for my +discomfiture. + +Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought myself of a cigar and +went below to get it. All was still down there. Everybody at the +after end of the ship was sleeping profoundly. I came out again on +the quarter-deck, agreeably at ease in my sleeping suit on that warm +breathless night, barefooted, a glowing cigar in my teeth, and, going +forward, I was met by the profound silence of the fore end of the ship. +Only as I passed the door of the forecastle, I heard a deep, quiet, +trustful sigh of some sleeper inside. And suddenly I rejoiced in the +great security of the sea as compared with the unrest of the land, in +my choice of that untempted life presenting no disquieting +problems, invested with an elementary moral beauty by the absolute +straightforwardness of its appeal and by the singleness of its purpose. + +The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, untroubled, as +if symbolic, flame, confident and bright in the mysterious shades of +the night. Passing on my way aft along the other side of the ship, I +observed that the rope side ladder, put over, no doubt, for the master +of the tug when he came to fetch away our letters, had not been hauled +in as it should have been. I became annoyed at this, for exactitude in +some small matters is the very soul of discipline. Then I reflected that +I had myself peremptorily dismissed my officers from duty, and by my +own act had prevented the anchor watch being formally set and things +properly attended to. I asked myself whether it was wise ever to +interfere with the established routine of duties even from the kindest +of motives. My action might have made me appear eccentric. Goodness only +knew how that absurdly whiskered mate would "account" for my conduct, +and what the whole ship thought of that informality of their new +captain. I was vexed with myself. + +Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were mechanically, I +proceeded to get the ladder in myself. Now a side ladder of that sort +is a light affair and comes in easily, yet my vigorous tug, which should +have brought it flying on board, merely recoiled upon my body in a +totally unexpected jerk. What the devil! . . . I was so astounded by +the immovableness of that ladder that I remained stockstill, trying to +account for it to myself like that imbecile mate of mine. In the end, of +course, I put my head over the rail. + +The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow on the darkling +glassy shimmer of the sea. But I saw at once something elongated and +pale floating very close to the ladder. Before I could form a guess a +faint flash of phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly +from the naked body of a man, flickered in the sleeping water with the +elusive, silent play of summer lightning in a night sky. With a gasp I +saw revealed to my stare a pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid +back immersed right up to the neck in a greenish cadaverous glow. One +hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. He was complete +but for the head. A headless corpse! The cigar dropped out of my gaping +mouth with a tiny plop and a short hiss quite audible in the absolute +stillness of all things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up his +face, a dimly pale oval in the shadow of the ship's side. But even then +I could only barely make out down there the shape of his black-haired +head. However, it was enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation +which had gripped me about the chest to pass off. The moment of vain +exclamations was past, too. I only climbed on the spare spar and leaned +over the rail as far as I could, to bring my eyes nearer to that mystery +floating alongside. + +As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, the sea lightning +played about his limbs at every stir; and he appeared in it ghastly, +silvery, fishlike. He remained as mute as a fish, too. He made no motion +to get out of the water, either. It was inconceivable that he should +not attempt to come on board, and strangely troubling to suspect that +perhaps he did not want to. And my first words were prompted by just +that troubled incertitude. + +"What's the matter?" I asked in my ordinary tone, speaking down to the +face upturned exactly under mine. + +"Cramp," it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, "I say, no need +to call anyone." + +"I was not going to," I said. + +"Are you alone on deck?" + +"Yes." + +I had somehow the impression that he was on the point of letting go the +ladder to swim away beyond my ken--mysterious as he came. But, for the +moment, this being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the +sea (it was certainly the nearest land to the ship) wanted only to know +the time. I told him. And he, down there, tentatively: + +"I suppose your captain's turned in?" + +"I am sure he isn't," I said. + +He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard something like the low, +bitter murmur of doubt. "What's the good?" His next words came out with +a hesitating effort. + +"Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?" + +I thought the time Had come to declare myself. + +"I am the captain." + +I heard a "By Jove!" whispered at the level of the water. The +phosphorescence flashed in the swirl of the water all about his limbs, +his other hand seized the ladder. + +"My name's Leggatt." + +The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The self-possession of +that man had somehow induced a corresponding state in myself. It was +very quietly that I remarked: + +"You must be a good swimmer." + +"Yes. I've been in the water practically since nine o'clock. The +question for me now is whether I am to let go this ladder and go on +swimming till I sink from exhaustion, or--to come on board here." + +I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, but a real +alternative in the view of a strong soul. I should have gathered from +this that he was young; indeed, it is only the young who are ever +confronted by such clear issues. But at the time it was pure intuition +on my part. A mysterious communication was established already between +us two--in the face of that silent, darkened tropical sea. I was +young, too; young enough to make no comment. The man in the water began +suddenly to climb up the ladder, and I hastened away from the rail to +fetch some clothes. + +Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in the lobby at the +foot of the stairs. A faint snore came through the closed door of the +chief mate's room. The second mate's door was on the hook, but the +darkness in there was absolutely soundless. He, too, was young and could +sleep like a stone. Remained the steward, but he was not likely to +wake up before he was called. I got a sleeping suit out of my room and, +coming back on deck, saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main +hatch, glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on his knees and +his head in his hands. In a moment he had concealed his damp body in a +sleeping suit of the same gray-stripe pattern as the one I was wearing +and followed me like my double on the poop. Together we moved right aft, +barefooted, silent. + +"What is it?" I asked in a deadened voice, taking the lighted lamp out +of the binnacle, and raising it to his face. + +"An ugly business." + +He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light eyes under somewhat +heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, square forehead; no growth on his +cheeks; a small, brown mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. His +expression was concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting light of +the lamp I held up to his face; such as a man thinking hard in solitude +might wear. My sleeping suit was just right for his size. A well-knit +young fellow of twenty-five at most. He caught his lower lip with the +edge of white, even teeth. + +"Yes," I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. The warm, heavy +tropical night closed upon his head again. + +"There's a ship over there," he murmured. + +"Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?" + +"Hadn't the slightest idea. I am the mate of her--" He paused and +corrected himself. "I should say I _was_." + +"Aha! Something wrong?" + +"Yes. Very wrong indeed. I've killed a man." + +"What do you mean? Just now?" + +"No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. When I say a man--" + +"Fit of temper," I suggested, confidently. + +The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod imperceptibly above the +ghostly gray of my sleeping suit. It was, in the night, as though I had +been faced by my own reflection in the depths of a somber and immense +mirror. + +"A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway boy," murmured my +double, distinctly. + +"You're a Conway boy?" + +"I am," he said, as if startled. Then, slowly . . . "Perhaps you too--" + +It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left before he +joined. After a quick interchange of dates a silence fell; and I thought +suddenly of my absurd mate with his terrific whiskers and the "Bless my +soul--you don't say so" type of intellect. My double gave me an inkling +of his thoughts by saying: "My father's a parson in Norfolk. Do you see +me before a judge and jury on that charge? For myself I can't see the +necessity. There are fellows that an angel from heaven--And I am not +that. He was one of those creatures that are just simmering all the time +with a silly sort of wickedness. Miserable devils that have no business +to live at all. He wouldn't do his duty and wouldn't let anybody else do +theirs. But what's the good of talking! You know well enough the sort of +ill-conditioned snarling cur--" + +He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as identical as +our clothes. And I knew well enough the pestiferous danger of such a +character where there are no means of legal repression. And I knew well +enough also that my double there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not +think of asking him for details, and he told me the story roughly in +brusque, disconnected sentences. I needed no more. I saw it all going on +as though I were myself inside that other sleeping suit. + +"It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at dusk. Reefed +foresail! You understand the sort of weather. The only sail we had left +to keep the ship running; so you may guess what it had been like for +days. Anxious sort of job, that. He gave me some of his cursed insolence +at the sheet. I tell you I was overdone with this terrific weather that +seemed to have no end to it. Terrific, I tell you--and a deep ship. I +believe the fellow himself was half crazed with funk. It was no time for +gentlemanly reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox. He up +and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for the ship. All hands +saw it coming and took to the rigging, but I had him by the throat, and +went on shaking him like a rat, the men above us yelling, 'Look out! +look out!' Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. They +say that for over ten minutes hardly anything was to be seen of the +ship--just the three masts and a bit of the forecastle head and of the +poop all awash driving along in a smother of foam. It was a miracle that +they found us, jammed together behind the forebitts. It's clear that I +meant business, because I was holding him by the throat still when they +picked us up. He was black in the face. It was too much for them. +It seems they rushed us aft together, gripped as we were, screaming +'Murder!' like a lot of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. And the ship +running for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute her last in +a sea fit to turn your hair gray only a-looking at it. I understand that +the skipper, too, started raving like the rest of them. The man had been +deprived of sleep for more than a week, and to have this sprung on him +at the height of a furious gale nearly drove him out of his mind. I +wonder they didn't fling me overboard after getting the carcass of their +precious shipmate out of my fingers. They had rather a job to separate +us, I've been told. A sufficiently fierce story to make an old judge and +a respectable jury sit up a bit. The first thing I heard when I came to +myself was the maddening howling of that endless gale, and on that the +voice of the old man. He was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face +out of his sou'wester. + +"'Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no longer as chief +mate of this ship.'" + +His care to subdue his voice made it sound monotonous. He rested a hand +on the end of the skylight to steady himself with, and all that time did +not stir a limb, so far as I could see. "Nice little tale for a quiet +tea party," he concluded in the same tone. + +One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; neither did +I stir a limb, so far as I knew. We stood less than a foot from each +other. It occurred to me that if old "Bless my soul--you don't say so" +were to put his head up the companion and catch sight of us, he would +think he was seeing double, or imagine himself come upon a scene of +weird witchcraft; the strange captain having a quiet confabulation +by the wheel with his own gray ghost. I became very much concerned to +prevent anything of the sort. I heard the other's soothing undertone. + +"My father's a parson in Norfolk," it said. Evidently he had forgotten +he had told me this important fact before. Truly a nice little tale. + +"You had better slip down into my stateroom now," I said, moving off +stealthily. My double followed my movements; our bare feet made no +sound; I let him in, closed the door with care, and, after giving a call +to the second mate, returned on deck for my relief. + +"Not much sign of any wind yet," I remarked when he approached. + +"No, sir. Not much," he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse voice, with +just enough deference, no more, and barely suppressing a yawn. + +"Well, that's all you have to look out for. You have got your orders." + +"Yes, sir." + +I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take up his position face +forward with his elbow in the ratlines of the mizzen rigging before I +went below. The mate's faint snoring was still going on peacefully. +The cuddy lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase with +flowers, a polite attention from the ship's provision merchant--the +last flowers we should see for the next three months at the very least. +Two bunches of bananas hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each +side of the rudder casing. Everything was as before in the ship--except +that two of her captain's sleeping suits were simultaneously in use, one +motionless in the cuddy, the other keeping very still in the captain's +stateroom. + +It must be explained here that my cabin had the form of the capital +letter L, the door being within the angle and opening into the short +part of the letter. A couch was to the left, the bed place to the right; +my writing desk and the chronometers' table faced the door. But anyone +opening it, unless he stepped right inside, had no view of what I call +the long (or vertical) part of the letter. It contained some lockers +surmounted by a bookcase; and a few clothes, a thick jacket or two, +caps, oilskin coat, and such like, hung on hooks. There was at the +bottom of that part a door opening into my bathroom, which could be +entered also directly from the saloon. But that way was never used. + +The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage of this particular +shape. Entering my room, lighted strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung +on gimbals above my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he +stepped out quietly from behind the coats hung in the recessed part. + +"I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at once," he +whispered. + +I, too, spoke under my breath. + +"Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking and getting +permission." + +He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, as though he had +been ill. And no wonder. He had been, I heard presently, kept under +arrest in his cabin for nearly seven weeks. But there was nothing sickly +in his eyes or in his expression. He was not a bit like me, really; yet, +as we stood leaning over my bed place, whispering side by side, with our +dark heads together and our backs to the door, anybody bold enough to +open it stealthily would have been treated to the uncanny sight of a +double captain busy talking in whispers with his other self. + +"But all this doesn't tell me how you came to hang on to our side +ladder," I inquired, in the hardly audible murmurs we used, after he had +told me something more of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the +bad weather was over. + +"When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think all those matters out +several times over. I had six weeks of doing nothing else, and with only +an hour or so every evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck." + +He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed place, staring +through the open port. And I could imagine perfectly the manner of this +thinking out--a stubborn if not a steadfast operation; something of +which I should have been perfectly incapable. + +"I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the land," he +continued, so low that I had to strain my hearing near as we were to +each other, shoulder touching shoulder almost. "So I asked to speak to +the old man. He always seemed very sick when he came to see me--as if he +could not look me in the face. You know, that foresail saved the ship. +She was too deep to have run long under bare poles. And it was I +that managed to set it for him. Anyway, he came. When I had him in my +cabin--he stood by the door looking at me as if I had the halter round +my neck already--I asked him right away to leave my cabin door unlocked +at night while the ship was going through Sunda Straits. There would +be the Java coast within two or three miles, off Angier Point. I wanted +nothing more. I've had a prize for swimming my second year in the +Conway." + +"I can believe it," I breathed out. + +"God only knows why they locked me in every night. To see some of +their faces you'd have thought they were afraid I'd go about at night +strangling people. Am I a murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I +had been he wouldn't have trusted himself like that into my room. You'll +say I might have chucked him aside and bolted out, there and then--it +was dark already. Well, no. And for the same reason I wouldn't think of +trying to smash the door. There would have been a rush to stop me at the +noise, and I did not mean to get into a confounded scrimmage. Somebody +else might have got killed--for I would not have broken out only to +get chucked back, and I did not want any more of that work. He refused, +looking more sick than ever. He was afraid of the men, and also of +that old second mate of his who had been sailing with him for years--a +gray-headed old humbug; and his steward, too, had been with him devil +knows how long--seventeen years or more--a dogmatic sort of loafer who +hated me like poison, just because I was the chief mate. No chief mate +ever made more than one voyage in the Sephora, you know. Those two old +chaps ran the ship. Devil only knows what the skipper wasn't afraid of +(all his nerve went to pieces altogether in that hellish spell of bad +weather we had)--of what the law would do to him--of his wife, perhaps. +Oh, yes! she's on board. Though I don't think she would have meddled. +She would have been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any way. +The 'brand of Cain' business, don't you see. That's all right. I was +ready enough to go off wandering on the face of the earth--and that was +price enough to pay for an Abel of that sort. Anyhow, he wouldn't listen +to me. 'This thing must take its course. I represent the law here.' He +was shaking like a leaf. 'So you won't?' 'No!' 'Then I hope you will +be able to sleep on that,' I said, and turned my back on him. 'I wonder +that you can,' cries he, and locks the door. + +"Well after that, I couldn't. Not very well. That was three weeks ago. +We have had a slow passage through the Java Sea; drifted about Carimata +for ten days. When we anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was +all right. The nearest land (and that's five miles) is the ship's +destination; the consul would soon set about catching me; and there +would have been no object in holding to these islets there. I don't +suppose there's a drop of water on them. I don't know how it was, but +tonight that steward, after bringing me my supper, went out to let me +eat it, and left the door unlocked. And I ate it--all there was, too. +After I had finished I strolled out on the quarter-deck. I don't know +that I meant to do anything. A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I +believe. Then a sudden temptation came over me. I kicked off my slippers +and was in the water before I had made up my mind fairly. Somebody heard +the splash and they raised an awful hullabaloo. 'He's gone! Lower the +boats! He's committed suicide! No, he's swimming.' Certainly I was +swimming. It's not so easy for a swimmer like me to commit suicide by +drowning. I landed on the nearest islet before the boat left the ship's +side. I heard them pulling about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but +after a bit they gave up. Everything quieted down and the anchorage +became still as death. I sat down on a stone and began to think. I felt +certain they would start searching for me at daylight. There was no +place to hide on those stony things--and if there had been, what would +have been the good? But now I was clear of that ship, I was not going +back. So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied them up in a +bundle with a stone inside, and dropped them in the deep water on the +outer side of that islet. That was suicide enough for me. Let them think +what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till +I sank--but that's not the same thing. I struck out for another of these +little islands, and it was from that one that I first saw your riding +light. Something to swim for. I went on easily, and on the way I came +upon a flat rock a foot or two above water. In the daytime, I dare say, +you might make it out with a glass from your poop. I scrambled up on it +and rested myself for a bit. Then I made another start. That last spell +must have been over a mile." + +His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the time he stared +straight out through the porthole, in which there was not even a star +to be seen. I had not interrupted him. There was something that made +comment impossible in his narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of +feeling, a quality, which I can't find a name for. And when he ceased, +all I found was a futile whisper: "So you swam for our light?" + +"Yes--straight for it. It was something to swim for. I couldn't see any +stars low down because the coast was in the way, and I couldn't see the +land, either. The water was like glass. One might have been swimming in +a confounded thousand-feet deep cistern with no place for scrambling out +anywhere; but what I didn't like was the notion of swimming round and +round like a crazed bullock before I gave out; and as I didn't mean to +go back. . . No. Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, off one +of these little islands by the scruff of the neck and fighting like a +wild beast? Somebody would have got killed for certain, and I did not +want any of that. So I went on. Then your ladder--" + +"Why didn't you hail the ship?" I asked, a little louder. + +He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came right over our heads +and stopped. The second mate had crossed from the other side of the poop +and might have been hanging over the rail for all we knew. + +"He couldn't hear us talking--could he?" My double breathed into my very +ear, anxiously. + +His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the question I had +put to him. An answer containing all the difficulty of that situation. I +closed the porthole quietly, to make sure. A louder word might have been +overheard. + +"Who's that?" he whispered then. + +"My second mate. But I don't know much more of the fellow than you do." + +And I told him a little about myself. I had been appointed to take +charge while I least expected anything of the sort, not quite a +fortnight ago. I didn't know either the ship or the people. Hadn't had +the time in port to look about me or size anybody up. And as to the +crew, all they knew was that I was appointed to take the ship home. +For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on board as himself, +I said. And at the moment I felt it most acutely. I felt that it would +take very little to make me a suspect person in the eyes of the ship's +company. + +He had turned about meantime; and we, the two strangers in the ship, +faced each other in identical attitudes. + +"Your ladder--" he murmured, after a silence. "Who'd have thought of +finding a ladder hanging over at night in a ship anchored out here! I +felt just then a very unpleasant faintness. After the life I've been +leading for nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition. I +wasn't capable of swimming round as far as your rudder chains. And, lo +and behold! there was a ladder to get hold of. After I gripped it I said +to myself, 'What's the good?' When I saw a man's head looking over I +thought I would swim away presently and leave him shouting--in whatever +language it was. I didn't mind being looked at. I--I liked it. And then +you speaking to me so quietly--as if you had expected me--made me hold +on a little longer. It had been a confounded lonely time--I don't mean +while swimming. I was glad to talk a little to somebody that didn't +belong to the Sephora. As to asking for the captain, that was a mere +impulse. It could have been no use, with all the ship knowing about me +and the other people pretty certain to be round here in the morning. I +don't know--I wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, before I went +on. I don't know what I would have said. . . . 'Fine night, isn't it?' +or something of the sort." + +"Do you think they will be round here presently?" I asked with some +incredulity. + +"Quite likely," he said, faintly. + +"He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head rolled on his +shoulders. + +"H'm. We shall see then. Meantime get into that bed," I whispered. "Want +help? There." + +It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath. This +amazing swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg. He +tumbled in, rolled over on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. +And then, with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly as I +used to look in that bed. I gazed upon my other self for a while before +drawing across carefully the two green serge curtains which ran on a +brass rod. I thought for a moment of pinning them together for greater +safety, but I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling +to rise and hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was extremely +tired, in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain of stealthiness, by +the effort of whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement. It +was three o'clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I +was not sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, fagged +out, looking at the curtains, trying to clear my mind of the confused +sensation of being in two places at once, and greatly bothered by an +exasperating knocking in my head. It was a relief to discover suddenly +that it was not in my head at all, but on the outside of the door. +Before I could collect myself the words "Come in" were out of my mouth, +and the steward entered with a tray, bringing in my morning coffee. I +had slept, after all, and I was so frightened that I shouted, "This way! +I am here, steward," as though he had been miles away. He put down the +tray on the table next the couch and only then said, very quietly, "I +can see you are here, sir." I felt him give me a keen look, but I dared +not meet his eyes just then. He must have wondered why I had drawn the +curtains of my bed before going to sleep on the couch. He went out, +hooking the door open as usual. + +I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I would have been told +at once if there had been any wind. Calm, I thought, and I was doubly +vexed. Indeed, I felt dual more than ever. The steward reappeared +suddenly in the doorway. I jumped up from the couch so quickly that he +gave a start. + +"What do you want here?" + +"Close your port, sir--they are washing decks." + +"It is closed," I said, reddening. + +"Very well, sir." But he did not move from the doorway and returned my +stare in an extraordinary, equivocal manner for a time. Then his eyes +wavered, all his expression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, +almost coaxingly: + +"May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?" + +"Of course!" I turned my back on him while he popped in and out. Then +I unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt. This sort of +thing could not go on very long. The cabin was as hot as an oven, too. I +took a peep at my double, and discovered that he had not moved, his arm +was still over his eyes; but his chest heaved; his hair was wet; his +chin glistened with perspiration. I reached over him and opened the +port. + +"I must show myself on deck," I reflected. + +Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with no one to say +nay to me within the whole circle of the horizon; but to lock my cabin +door and take the key away I did not dare. Directly I put my head out +of the companion I saw the group of my two officers, the second mate +barefooted, the chief mate in long India-rubber boots, near the break of +the poop, and the steward halfway down the poop ladder talking to them +eagerly. He happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second ran down +on the main-deck shouting some order or other, and the chief mate came +to meet me, touching his cap. + +There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like. I don't +know whether the steward had told them that I was "queer" only, or +downright drunk, but I know the man meant to have a good look at me. I +watched him coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank range, +took effect and froze his very whiskers. I did not give him time to open +his lips. + +"Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast." + +It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship; and I +stayed on deck to see it executed, too. I had felt the need of asserting +myself without loss of time. That sneering young cub got taken down a +peg or two on that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of having +a good look at the face of every foremast man as they filed past me +to go to the after braces. At breakfast time, eating nothing myself, I +presided with such frigid dignity that the two mates were only too glad +to escape from the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all the +time the dual working of my mind distracted me almost to the point of +insanity. I was constantly watching myself, my secret self, as dependent +on my actions as my own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that +door which faced me as I sat at the head of the table. It was very much +like being mad, only it was worse because one was aware of it. + +I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last he opened his +eyes it was in the full possession of his senses, with an inquiring +look. + +"All's well so far," I whispered. "Now you must vanish into the +bathroom." + +He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for the steward, +and facing him boldly, directed him to tidy up my stateroom while I +was having my bath--"and be quick about it." As my tone admitted of +no excuses, he said, "Yes, sir," and ran off to fetch his dustpan and +brushes. I took a bath and did most of my dressing, splashing, and +whistling softly for the steward's edification, while the secret sharer +of my life stood drawn up bolt upright in that little space, his face +looking very sunken in daylight, his eyelids lowered under the stern, +dark line of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight frown. + +When I left him there to go back to my room the steward was finishing +dusting. I sent for the mate and engaged him in some insignificant +conversation. It was, as it were, trifling with the terrific character +of his whiskers; but my object was to give him an opportunity for a +good look at my cabin. And then I could at last shut, with a clear +conscience, the door of my stateroom and get my double back into the +recessed part. There was nothing else for it. He had to sit still on a +small folding stool, half smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. +We listened to the steward going into the bathroom out of the saloon, +filling the water bottles there, scrubbing the bath, setting things +to rights, whisk, bang, clatter--out again into the saloon--turn the +key--click. Such was my scheme for keeping my second self invisible. +Nothing better could be contrived under the circumstances. And there +we sat; I at my writing desk ready to appear busy with some papers, he +behind me out of sight of the door. It would not have been prudent to +talk in daytime; and I could not have stood the excitement of that queer +sense of whispering to myself. Now and then, glancing over my shoulder, +I saw him far back there, sitting rigidly on the low stool, his +bare feet close together, his arms folded, his head hanging on his +breast--and perfectly still. Anybody would have taken him for me. + +I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to glance over my +shoulder. I was looking at him when a voice outside the door said: + +"Beg pardon, sir." + +"Well! . . ." I kept my eyes on him, and so when the voice outside the +door announced, "There's a ship's boat coming our way, sir," I saw him +give a start--the first movement he had made for hours. But he did not +raise his bowed head. + +"All right. Get the ladder over." + +I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But what? His immobility +seemed to have been never disturbed. What could I tell him he did not +know already? . . . Finally I went on deck. + + + +II + +The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all round his face, +and the sort of complexion that goes with hair of that color; also the +particular, rather smeary shade of blue in the eyes. He was not exactly +a showy figure; his shoulders were high, his stature but middling--one +leg slightly more bandy than the other. He shook hands, looking vaguely +around. A spiritless tenacity was his main characteristic, I judged. I +behaved with a politeness which seemed to disconcert him. Perhaps he was +shy. He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of what he was saying; gave +his name (it was something like Archbold--but at this distance of years +I hardly am sure), his ship's name, and a few other particulars of +that sort, in the manner of a criminal making a reluctant and +doleful confession. He had had terrible weather on the passage +out--terrible--terrible--wife aboard, too. + +By this time we were seated in the cabin and the steward brought in a +tray with a bottle and glasses. "Thanks! No." Never took liquor. Would +have some water, though. He drank two tumblerfuls. Terrible thirsty +work. Ever since daylight had been exploring the islands round his ship. + +"What was that for--fun?" I asked, with an appearance of polite +interest. + +"No!" He sighed. "Painful duty." + +As he persisted in his mumbling and I wanted my double to hear every +word, I hit upon the notion of informing him that I regretted to say I +was hard of hearing. + +"Such a young man, too!" he nodded, keeping his smeary blue, +unintelligent eyes fastened upon me. "What was the cause of it--some +disease?" he inquired, without the least sympathy and as if he thought +that, if so, I'd got no more than I deserved. + +"Yes; disease," I admitted in a cheerful tone which seemed to shock him. +But my point was gained, because he had to raise his voice to give me +his tale. It is not worth while to record his version. It was just over +two months since all this had happened, and he had thought so much +about it that he seemed completely muddled as to its bearings, but still +immensely impressed. + +"What would you think of such a thing happening on board your own +ship? I've had the Sephora for these fifteen years. I am a well-known +shipmaster." + +He was densely distressed--and perhaps I should have sympathized with +him if I had been able to detach my mental vision from the unsuspected +sharer of my cabin as though he were my second self. There he was on the +other side of the bulkhead, four or five feet from us, no more, as we +sat in the saloon. I looked politely at Captain Archbold (if that was +his name), but it was the other I saw, in a gray sleeping suit, seated +on a low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms folded, and every +word said between us falling into the ears of his dark head bowed on his +chest. + +"I have been at sea now, man and boy, for seven-and-thirty years, and +I've never heard of such a thing happening in an English ship. And that +it should be my ship. Wife on board, too." + +I was hardly listening to him. + +"Don't you think," I said, "that the heavy sea which, you told me, came +aboard just then might have killed the man? I have seen the sheer weight +of a sea kill a man very neatly, by simply breaking his neck." + +"Good God!" he uttered, impressively, fixing his smeary blue eyes on +me. "The sea! No man killed by the sea ever looked like that." He seemed +positively scandalized at my suggestion. And as I gazed at him certainly +not prepared for anything original on his part, he advanced his head +close to mine and thrust his tongue out at me so suddenly that I +couldn't help starting back. + +After scoring over my calmness in this graphic way he nodded wisely. If +I had seen the sight, he assured me, I would never forget it as long as +I lived. The weather was too bad to give the corpse a proper sea burial. +So next day at dawn they took it up on the poop, covering its face with +a bit of bunting; he read a short prayer, and then, just as it was, in +its oilskins and long boots, they launched it amongst those mountainous +seas that seemed ready every moment to swallow up the ship herself and +the terrified lives on board of her. + +"That reefed foresail saved you," I threw in. + +"Under God--it did," he exclaimed fervently. "It was by a special mercy, +I firmly believe, that it stood some of those hurricane squalls." + +"It was the setting of that sail which--" I began. + +"God's own hand in it," he interrupted me. "Nothing less could have +done it. I don't mind telling you that I hardly dared give the order. +It seemed impossible that we could touch anything without losing it, and +then our last hope would have been gone." + +The terror of that gale was on him yet. I let him go on for a bit, then +said, casually--as if returning to a minor subject: + +"You were very anxious to give up your mate to the shore people, I +believe?" + +He was. To the law. His obscure tenacity on that point had in it +something incomprehensible and a little awful; something, as it were, +mystical, quite apart from his anxiety that he should not be suspected +of "countenancing any doings of that sort." Seven-and-thirty virtuous +years at sea, of which over twenty of immaculate command, and the last +fifteen in the Sephora, seemed to have laid him under some pitiless +obligation. + +"And you know," he went on, groping shame-facedly amongst his feelings, +"I did not engage that young fellow. His people had some interest with +my owners. I was in a way forced to take him on. He looked very smart, +very gentlemanly, and all that. But do you know--I never liked him, +somehow. I am a plain man. You see, he wasn't exactly the sort for the +chief mate of a ship like the Sephora." + +I had become so connected in thoughts and impressions with the secret +sharer of my cabin that I felt as if I, personally, were being given to +understand that I, too, was not the sort that would have done for the +chief mate of a ship like the Sephora. I had no doubt of it in my mind. + +"Not at all the style of man. You understand," he insisted, +superfluously, looking hard at me. + +I smiled urbanely. He seemed at a loss for a while. + +"I suppose I must report a suicide." + +"Beg pardon?" + +"Suicide! That's what I'll have to write to my owners directly I get +in." + +"Unless you manage to recover him before tomorrow," I assented, +dispassionately. . . . "I mean, alive." + +He mumbled something which I really did not catch, and I turned my ear +to him in a puzzled manner. He fairly bawled: + +"The land--I say, the mainland is at least seven miles off my +anchorage." + +"About that." + +My lack of excitement, of curiosity, of surprise, of any sort of +pronounced interest, began to arouse his distrust. But except for the +felicitous pretense of deafness I had not tried to pretend anything. I +had felt utterly incapable of playing the part of ignorance properly, +and therefore was afraid to try. It is also certain that he had brought +some ready-made suspicions with him, and that he viewed my politeness +as a strange and unnatural phenomenon. And yet how else could I have +received him? Not heartily! That was impossible for psychological +reasons, which I need not state here. My only object was to keep off his +inquiries. Surlily? Yes, but surliness might have provoked a point-blank +question. From its novelty to him and from its nature, punctilious +courtesy was the manner best calculated to restrain the man. But there +was the danger of his breaking through my defense bluntly. I could +not, I think, have met him by a direct lie, also for psychological (not +moral) reasons. If he had only known how afraid I was of his putting +my feeling of identity with the other to the test! But, strangely +enough--(I thought of it only afterwards)--I believe that he was not +a little disconcerted by the reverse side of that weird situation, by +something in me that reminded him of the man he was seeking--suggested a +mysterious similitude to the young fellow he had distrusted and disliked +from the first. + +However that might have been, the silence was not very prolonged. He +took another oblique step. + +"I reckon I had no more than a two-mile pull to your ship. Not a bit +more." + +"And quite enough, too, in this awful heat," I said. + +Another pause full of mistrust followed. Necessity, they say, is mother +of invention, but fear, too, is not barren of ingenious suggestions. And +I was afraid he would ask me point-blank for news of my other self. + +"Nice little saloon, isn't it?" I remarked, as if noticing for the first +time the way his eyes roamed from one closed door to the other. "And +very well fitted out, too. Here, for instance," I continued, reaching +over the back of my seat negligently and flinging the door open, "is my +bathroom." + +He made an eager movement, but hardly gave it a glance. I got up, shut +the door of the bathroom, and invited him to have a look round, as if I +were very proud of my accommodation. He had to rise and be shown round, +but he went through the business without any raptures whatever. + +"And now we'll have a look at my stateroom," I declared, in a voice as +loud as I dared to make it, crossing the cabin to the starboard side +with purposely heavy steps. + +He followed me in and gazed around. My intelligent double had vanished. +I played my part. + +"Very convenient--isn't it?" + +"Very nice. Very comf . . ." He didn't finish and went out brusquely as +if to escape from some unrighteous wiles of mine. But it was not to be. +I had been too frightened not to feel vengeful; I felt I had him on the +run, and I meant to keep him on the run. My polite insistence must have +had something menacing in it, because he gave in suddenly. And I did +not let him off a single item; mate's room, pantry, storerooms, the very +sail locker which was also under the poop--he had to look into them +all. When at last I showed him out on the quarter-deck he drew a long, +spiritless sigh, and mumbled dismally that he must really be going back +to his ship now. I desired my mate, who had joined us, to see to the +captain's boat. + +The man of whiskers gave a blast on the whistle which he used to wear +hanging round his neck, and yelled, "Sephora's away!" My double down +there in my cabin must have heard, and certainly could not feel more +relieved than I. Four fellows came running out from somewhere forward +and went over the side, while my own men, appearing on deck too, lined +the rail. I escorted my visitor to the gangway ceremoniously, and nearly +overdid it. He was a tenacious beast. On the very ladder he lingered, +and in that unique, guiltily conscientious manner of sticking to the +point: + +"I say . . . you . . . you don't think that--" + +I covered his voice loudly: + +"Certainly not. . . . I am delighted. Good-by." + +I had an idea of what he meant to say, and just saved myself by the +privilege of defective hearing. He was too shaken generally to insist, +but my mate, close witness of that parting, looked mystified and his +face took on a thoughtful cast. As I did not want to appear as if +I wished to avoid all communication with my officers, he had the +opportunity to address me. + +"Seems a very nice man. His boat's crew told our chaps a very +extraordinary story, if what I am told by the steward is true. I suppose +you had it from the captain, sir?" + +"Yes. I had a story from the captain." + +"A very horrible affair--isn't it, sir?" + +"It is." + +"Beats all these tales we hear about murders in Yankee ships." + +"I don't think it beats them. I don't think it resembles them in the +least." + +"Bless my soul--you don't say so! But of course I've no acquaintance +whatever with American ships, not I so I couldn't go against your +knowledge. It's horrible enough for me. . . . But the queerest part is +that those fellows seemed to have some idea the man was hidden aboard +here. They had really. Did you ever hear of such a thing?" + +"Preposterous--isn't it?" + +We were walking to and fro athwart the quarter-deck. No one of the crew +forward could be seen (the day was Sunday), and the mate pursued: + +"There was some little dispute about it. Our chaps took offense. 'As +if we would harbor a thing like that,' they said. 'Wouldn't you like to +look for him in our coal-hole?' Quite a tiff. But they made it up in the +end. I suppose he did drown himself. Don't you, sir?" + +"I don't suppose anything." + +"You have no doubt in the matter, sir?" + +"None whatever." + +I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad impression, but with +my double down there it was most trying to be on deck. And it was almost +as trying to be below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. But on the +whole I felt less torn in two when I was with him. There was no one in +the whole ship whom I dared take into my confidence. Since the hands had +got to know his story, it would have been impossible to pass him off for +anyone else, and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now more than +ever. . . . + +The steward being engaged in laying the table for dinner, we could talk +only with our eyes when I first went down. Later in the afternoon we +had a cautious try at whispering. The Sunday quietness of the ship was +against us; the stillness of air and water around her was against us; +the elements, the men were against us--everything was against us in our +secret partnership; time itself--for this could not go on forever. The +very trust in Providence was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. Shall I +confess that this thought cast me down very much? And as to the chapter +of accidents which counts for so much in the book of success, I could +only hope that it was closed. For what favorable accident could be +expected? + +"Did you hear everything?" were my first words as soon as we took up our +position side by side, leaning over my bed place. + +He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, "The man told you +he hardly dared to give the order." + +I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail. + +"Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting." + +"I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he did, but he never +gave it. He stood there with me on the break of the poop after the +main topsail blew away, and whimpered about our last hope--positively +whimpered about it and nothing else--and the night coming on! To hear +one's skipper go on like that in such weather was enough to drive any +fellow out of his mind. It worked me up into a sort of desperation. I +just took it into my own hands and went away from him, boiling, and--But +what's the use telling you? _You_ know! . . . Do you think that if I +had not been pretty fierce with them I should have got the men to do +anything? Not It! The bo's'n perhaps? Perhaps! It wasn't a heavy sea--it +was a sea gone mad! I suppose the end of the world will be something +like that; and a man may have the heart to see it coming once and be +done with it--but to have to face it day after day--I don't blame +anybody. I was precious little better than the rest. Only--I was an +officer of that old coal wagon, anyhow--" + +"I quite understand," I conveyed that sincere assurance into his ear. +He was out of breath with whispering; I could hear him pant slightly. +It was all very simple. The same strung-up force which had given +twenty-four men a chance, at least, for their lives, had, in a sort of +recoil, crushed an unworthy mutinous existence. + +But I had no leisure to weigh the merits of the matter--footsteps in +the saloon, a heavy knock. "There's enough wind to get under way with, +sir." Here was the call of a new claim upon my thoughts and even upon my +feelings. + +"Turn the hands up," I cried through the door. "I'll be on deck +directly." + +I was going out to make the acquaintance of my ship. Before I left +the cabin our eyes met--the eyes of the only two strangers on board. I +pointed to the recessed part where the little campstool awaited him and +laid my finger on my lips. He made a gesture--somewhat vague--a little +mysterious, accompanied by a faint smile, as if of regret. + +This is not the place to enlarge upon the sensations of a man who feels +for the first time a ship move under his feet to his own independent +word. In my case they were not unalloyed. I was not wholly alone with my +command; for there was that stranger in my cabin. Or rather, I was +not completely and wholly with her. Part of me was absent. That mental +feeling of being in two places at once affected me physically as if the +mood of secrecy had penetrated my very soul. Before an hour had elapsed +since the ship had begun to move, having occasion to ask the mate (he +stood by my side) to take a compass bearing of the pagoda, I caught +myself reaching up to his ear in whispers. I say I caught myself, but +enough had escaped to startle the man. I can't describe it otherwise +than by saying that he shied. A grave, preoccupied manner, as though he +were in possession of some perplexing intelligence, did not leave him +henceforth. A little later I moved away from the rail to look at the +compass with such a stealthy gait that the helmsman noticed it--and +I could not help noticing the unusual roundness of his eyes. These +are trifling instances, though it's to no commander's advantage to be +suspected of ludicrous eccentricities. But I was also more seriously +affected. There are to a seaman certain words, gestures, that should in +given conditions come as naturally, as instinctively as the winking of +a menaced eye. A certain order should spring on to his lips without +thinking; a certain sign should get itself made, so to speak, without +reflection. But all unconscious alertness had abandoned me. I had to +make an effort of will to recall myself back (from the cabin) to the +conditions of the moment. I felt that I was appearing an irresolute +commander to those people who were watching me more or less critically. + +And, besides, there were the scares. On the second day out, for +instance, coming off the deck in the afternoon (I had straw slippers +on my bare feet) I stopped at the open pantry door and spoke to the +steward. He was doing something there with his back to me. At the sound +of my voice he nearly jumped out of his skin, as the saying is, and +incidentally broke a cup. + +"What on earth's the matter with you?" I asked, astonished. + +He was extremely confused. "Beg your pardon, sir. I made sure you were +in your cabin." + +"You see I wasn't." + +"No, sir. I could have sworn I had heard you moving in there not a +moment ago. It's most extraordinary . . . very sorry, sir." + +I passed on with an inward shudder. I was so identified with my secret +double that I did not even mention the fact in those scanty, fearful +whispers we exchanged. I suppose he had made some slight noise of some +kind or other. It would have been miraculous if he hadn't at one time +or another. And yet, haggard as he appeared, he looked always perfectly +self-controlled, more than calm--almost invulnerable. On my suggestion +he remained almost entirely in the bathroom, which, upon the whole, +was the safest place. There could be really no shadow of an excuse for +anyone ever wanting to go in there, once the steward had done with it. +It was a very tiny place. Sometimes he reclined on the floor, his legs +bent, his head sustained on one elbow. At others I would find him on the +campstool, sitting in his gray sleeping suit and with his cropped dark +hair like a patient, unmoved convict. At night I would smuggle him into +my bed place, and we would whisper together, with the regular footfalls +of the officer of the watch passing and repassing over our heads. It +was an infinitely miserable time. It was lucky that some tins of fine +preserves were stowed in a locker in my stateroom; hard bread I could +always get hold of; and so he lived on stewed chicken, _Pate de Foie +Gras_, asparagus, cooked oysters, sardines--on all sorts of abominable +sham delicacies out of tins. My early-morning coffee he always drank; +and it was all I dared do for him in that respect. + +Every day there was the horrible maneuvering to go through so that my +room and then the bathroom should be done in the usual way. I came to +hate the sight of the steward, to abhor the voice of that harmless man. +I felt that it was he who would bring on the disaster of discovery. It +hung like a sword over our heads. + +The fourth day out, I think (we were then working down the east side of +the Gulf of Siam, tack for tack, in light winds and smooth water)--the +fourth day, I say, of this miserable juggling with the unavoidable, +as we sat at our evening meal, that man, whose slightest movement I +dreaded, after putting down the dishes ran up on deck busily. This could +not be dangerous. Presently he came down again; and then it appeared +that he had remembered a coat of mine which I had thrown over a rail to +dry after having been wetted in a shower which had passed over the ship +in the afternoon. Sitting stolidly at the head of the table I became +terrified at the sight of the garment on his arm. Of course he made for +my door. There was no time to lose. + +"Steward," I thundered. My nerves were so shaken that I could not govern +my voice and conceal my agitation. This was the sort of thing that made +my terrifically whiskered mate tap his forehead with his forefinger. +I had detected him using that gesture while talking on deck with a +confidential air to the carpenter. It was too far to hear a word, but +I had no doubt that this pantomime could only refer to the strange new +captain. + +"Yes, sir," the pale-faced steward turned resignedly to me. It was this +maddening course of being shouted at, checked without rhyme or reason, +arbitrarily chased out of my cabin, suddenly called into it, sent flying +out of his pantry on incomprehensible errands, that accounted for the +growing wretchedness of his expression. + +"Where are you going with that coat?" + +"To your room, sir." + +"Is there another shower coming?" + +"I'm sure I don't know, sir. Shall I go up again and see, sir?" + +"No! never mind." + +My object was attained, as of course my other self in there would have +heard everything that passed. During this interlude my two officers +never raised their eyes off their respective plates; but the lip of that +confounded cub, the second mate, quivered visibly. + +I expected the steward to hook my coat on and come out at once. He was +very slow about it; but I dominated my nervousness sufficiently not +to shout after him. Suddenly I became aware (it could be heard plainly +enough) that the fellow for some reason or other was opening the door of +the bathroom. It was the end. The place was literally not big enough to +swing a cat in. My voice died in my throat and I went stony all over. I +expected to hear a yell of surprise and terror, and made a movement, but +had not the strength to get on my legs. Everything remained still. Had +my second self taken the poor wretch by the throat? I don't know what I +could have done next moment if I had not seen the steward come out of my +room, close the door, and then stand quietly by the sideboard. + +"Saved," I thought. "But, no! Lost! Gone! He was gone!" + +I laid my knife and fork down and leaned back in my chair. My head swam. +After a while, when sufficiently recovered to speak in a steady voice, I +instructed my mate to put the ship round at eight o'clock himself. + +"I won't come on deck," I went on. "I think I'll turn in, and unless the +wind shifts I don't want to be disturbed before midnight. I feel a bit +seedy." + +"You did look middling bad a little while ago," the chief mate remarked +without showing any great concern. + +They both went out, and I stared at the steward clearing the table. +There was nothing to be read on that wretched man's face. But why did he +avoid my eyes, I asked myself. Then I thought I should like to hear the +sound of his voice. + +"Steward!" + +"Sir!" Startled as usual. + +"Where did you hang up that coat?" + +"In the bathroom, sir." The usual anxious tone. "It's not quite dry yet, +sir." + +For some time longer I sat in the cuddy. Had my double vanished as +he had come? But of his coming there was an explanation, whereas his +disappearance would be inexplicable. . . . I went slowly into my dark +room, shut the door, lighted the lamp, and for a time dared not turn +round. When at last I did I saw him standing bolt-upright in the +narrow recessed part. It would not be true to say I had a shock, but an +irresistible doubt of his bodily existence flitted through my mind. Can +it be, I asked myself, that he is not visible to other eyes than mine? +It was like being haunted. Motionless, with a grave face, he raised his +hands slightly at me in a gesture which meant clearly, "Heavens! what +a narrow escape!" Narrow indeed. I think I had come creeping quietly as +near insanity as any man who has not actually gone over the border. That +gesture restrained me, so to speak. + +The mate with the terrific whiskers was now putting the ship on the +other tack. In the moment of profound silence which follows upon the +hands going to their stations I heard on the poop his raised voice: +"Hard alee!" and the distant shout of the order repeated on the +main-deck. The sails, in that light breeze, made but a faint fluttering +noise. It ceased. The ship was coming round slowly: I held my breath +in the renewed stillness of expectation; one wouldn't have thought +that there was a single living soul on her decks. A sudden brisk shout, +"Mainsail haul!" broke the spell, and in the noisy cries and rush +overhead of the men running away with the main brace we two, down in my +cabin, came together in our usual position by the bed place. + +He did not wait for my question. "I heard him fumbling here and just +managed to squat myself down in the bath," he whispered to me. "The +fellow only opened the door and put his arm in to hang the coat up. All +the same--" + +"I never thought of that," I whispered back, even more appalled than +before at the closeness of the shave, and marveling at that something +unyielding in his character which was carrying him through so finely. +There was no agitation in his whisper. Whoever was being driven +distracted, it was not he. He was sane. And the proof of his sanity was +continued when he took up the whispering again. + +"It would never do for me to come to life again." + +It was something that a ghost might have said. But what he was alluding +to was his old captain's reluctant admission of the theory of suicide. +It would obviously serve his turn--if I had understood at all the view +which seemed to govern the unalterable purpose of his action. + +"You must maroon me as soon as ever you can get amongst these islands +off the Cambodge shore," he went on. + +"Maroon you! We are not living in a boy's adventure tale," I protested. +His scornful whispering took me up. + +"We aren't indeed! There's nothing of a boy's tale in this. But there's +nothing else for it. I want no more. You don't suppose I am afraid of +what can be done to me? Prison or gallows or whatever they may please. +But you don't see me coming back to explain such things to an old fellow +in a wig and twelve respectable tradesmen, do you? What can they know +whether I am guilty or not--or of _what_ I am guilty, either? That's my +affair. What does the Bible say? 'Driven off the face of the earth.' +Very well, I am off the face of the earth now. As I came at night so I +shall go." + +"Impossible!" I murmured. "You can't." + +"Can't? . . . Not naked like a soul on the Day of Judgment. I shall +freeze on to this sleeping suit. The Last Day is not yet--and . . . you +have understood thoroughly. Didn't you?" + +I felt suddenly ashamed of myself. I may say truly that I +understood--and my hesitation in letting that man swim away from my +ship's side had been a mere sham sentiment, a sort of cowardice. + +"It can't be done now till next night," I breathed out. "The ship is on +the off-shore tack and the wind may fail us." + +"As long as I know that you understand," he whispered. "But of course +you do. It's a great satisfaction to have got somebody to understand. +You seem to have been there on purpose." And in the same whisper, as if +we two whenever we talked had to say things to each other which were not +fit for the world to hear, he added, "It's very wonderful." + +We remained side by side talking in our secret way--but sometimes +silent or just exchanging a whispered word or two at long intervals. And +as usual he stared through the port. A breath of wind came now and again +into our faces. The ship might have been moored in dock, so gently and +on an even keel she slipped through the water, that did not murmur even +at our passage, shadowy and silent like a phantom sea. + +At midnight I went on deck, and to my mate's great surprise put the +ship round on the other tack. His terrible whiskers flitted round me +in silent criticism. I certainly should not have done it if it had +been only a question of getting out of that sleepy gulf as quickly as +possible. I believe he told the second mate, who relieved him, that it +was a great want of judgment. The other only yawned. That intolerable +cub shuffled about so sleepily and lolled against the rails in such a +slack, improper fashion that I came down on him sharply. + +"Aren't you properly awake yet?" + +"Yes, sir! I am awake." + +"Well, then, be good enough to hold yourself as if you were. And keep +a lookout. If there's any current we'll be closing with some islands +before daylight." + +The east side of the gulf is fringed with islands, some solitary, others +in groups. One the blue background of the high coast they seem to float +on silvery patches of calm water, arid and gray, or dark green and +rounded like clumps of evergreen bushes, with the larger ones, a mile +or two long, showing the outlines of ridges, ribs of gray rock under the +dark mantle of matted leafage. Unknown to trade, to travel, almost to +geography, the manner of life they harbor is an unsolved secret. There +must be villages--settlements of fishermen at least--on the largest +of them, and some communication with the world is probably kept up by +native craft. But all that forenoon, as we headed for them, fanned along +by the faintest of breezes, I saw no sign of man or canoe in the field +of the telescope I kept on pointing at the scattered group. + +At noon I have no orders for a change of course, and the mate's whiskers +became much concerned and seemed to be offering themselves unduly to my +notice. At last I said: + +"I am going to stand right in. Quite in--as far as I can take her." + +The stare of extreme surprise imparted an air of ferocity also to his +eyes, and he looked truly terrific for a moment. + +"We're not doing well in the middle of the gulf," I continued, casually. +"I am going to look for the land breezes tonight." + +"Bless my soul! Do you mean, sir, in the dark amongst the lot of all +them islands and reefs and shoals?" + +"Well--if there are any regular land breezes at all on this coast one +must get close inshore to find them, mustn't one?" + +"Bless my soul!" he exclaimed again under his breath. All that afternoon +he wore a dreamy, contemplative appearance which in him was a mark of +perplexity. After dinner I went into my stateroom as if I meant to take +some rest. There we two bent our dark heads over a half-unrolled chart +lying on my bed. + +"There," I said. "It's got to be Koh-ring. I've been looking at it +ever since sunrise. It has got two hills and a low point. It must be +inhabited. And on the coast opposite there is what looks like the mouth +of a biggish river--with some towns, no doubt, not far up. It's the best +chance for you that I can see." + +"Anything. Koh-ring let it be." + +He looked thoughtfully at the chart as if surveying chances and +distances from a lofty height--and following with his eyes his own +figure wandering on the blank land of Cochin-China, and then passing off +that piece of paper clean out of sight into uncharted regions. And it +was as if the ship had two captains to plan her course for her. I had +been so worried and restless running up and down that I had not had the +patience to dress that day. I had remained in my sleeping suit, with +straw slippers and a soft floppy hat. The closeness of the heat in +the gulf had been most oppressive, and the crew were used to seeing me +wandering in that airy attire. + +"She will clear the south point as she heads now," I whispered into his +ear. "Goodness only knows when, though, but certainly after dark. I'll +edge her in to half a mile, as far as I may be able to judge in the +dark--" + +"Be careful," he murmured, warningly--and I realized suddenly that +all my future, the only future for which I was fit, would perhaps go +irretrievably to pieces in any mishap to my first command. + +I could not stop a moment longer in the room. I motioned him to get out +of sight and made my way on the poop. That unplayful cub had the watch. +I walked up and down for a while thinking things out, then beckoned him +over. + +"Send a couple of hands to open the two quarter-deck ports," I said, +mildly. + +He actually had the impudence, or else so forgot himself in his wonder +at such an incomprehensible order, as to repeat: + +"Open the quarter-deck ports! What for, sir?" + +"The only reason you need concern yourself about is because I tell you +to do so. Have them open wide and fastened properly." + +He reddened and went off, but I believe made some jeering remark to +the carpenter as to the sensible practice of ventilating a ship's +quarter-deck. I know he popped into the mate's cabin to impart the fact +to him because the whiskers came on deck, as it were by chance, and +stole glances at me from below--for signs of lunacy or drunkenness, I +suppose. + +A little before supper, feeling more restless than ever, I rejoined, +for a moment, my second self. And to find him sitting so quietly was +surprising, like something against nature, inhuman. + +I developed my plan in a hurried whisper. + +"I shall stand in as close as I dare and then put her round. I will +presently find means to smuggle you out of here into the sail locker, +which communicates with the lobby. But there is an opening, a sort +of square for hauling the sails out, which gives straight on the +quarter-deck and which is never closed in fine weather, so as to give +air to the sails. When the ship's way is deadened in stays and all the +hands are aft at the main braces you will have a clear road to slip out +and get overboard through the open quarter-deck port. I've had them both +fastened up. Use a rope's end to lower yourself into the water so as +to avoid a splash--you know. It could be heard and cause some beastly +complication." + +He kept silent for a while, then whispered, "I understand." + +"I won't be there to see you go," I began with an effort. "The rest +. . . I only hope I have understood, too." + +"You have. From first to last"--and for the first time there seemed to +be a faltering, something strained in his whisper. He caught hold of my +arm, but the ringing of the supper bell made me start. He didn't though; +he only released his grip. + +After supper I didn't come below again till well past eight o'clock. The +faint, steady breeze was loaded with dew; and the wet, darkened sails +held all there was of propelling power in it. The night, clear and +starry, sparkled darkly, and the opaque, lightless patches shifting +slowly against the low stars were the drifting islets. On the port bow +there was a big one more distant and shadowily imposing by the great +space of sky it eclipsed. + +On opening the door I had a back view of my very own self looking at a +chart. He had come out of the recess and was standing near the table. + +"Quite dark enough," I whispered. + +He stepped back and leaned against my bed with a level, quiet glance. +I sat on the couch. We had nothing to say to each other. Over our heads +the officer of the watch moved here and there. Then I heard him move +quickly. I knew what that meant. He was making for the companion; and +presently his voice was outside my door. + +"We are drawing in pretty fast, sir. Land looks rather close." + +"Very well," I answered. "I am coming on deck directly." + +I waited till he was gone out of the cuddy, then rose. My double moved +too. The time had come to exchange our last whispers, for neither of us +was ever to hear each other's natural voice. + +"Look here!" I opened a drawer and took out three sovereigns. "Take this +anyhow. I've got six and I'd give you the lot, only I must keep a little +money to buy some fruit and vegetables for the crew from native boats as +we go through Sunda Straits." + +He shook his head. + +"Take it," I urged him, whispering desperately. "No one can tell what--" + +He smiled and slapped meaningly the only pocket of the sleeping jacket. +It was not safe, certainly. But I produced a large old silk handkerchief +of mine, and tying the three pieces of gold in a corner, pressed it on +him. He was touched, I supposed, because he took it at last and tied it +quickly round his waist under the jacket, on his bare skin. + +Our eyes met; several seconds elapsed, till, our glances still mingled, +I extended my hand and turned the lamp out. Then I passed through the +cuddy, leaving the door of my room wide open. . . . "Steward!" + +He was still lingering in the pantry in the greatness of his zeal, +giving a rub-up to a plated cruet stand the last thing before going to +bed. Being careful not to wake up the mate, whose room was opposite, I +spoke in an undertone. + +He looked round anxiously. "Sir!" + +"Can you get me a little hot water from the galley?" + +"I am afraid, sir, the galley fire's been out for some time now." + +"Go and see." + +He flew up the stairs. + +"Now," I whispered, loudly, into the saloon--too loudly, perhaps, but I +was afraid I couldn't make a sound. He was by my side in an instant--the +double captain slipped past the stairs--through a tiny dark passage +. . . a sliding door. We were in the sail locker, scrambling on our knees +over the sails. A sudden thought struck me. I saw myself wandering +barefooted, bareheaded, the sun beating on my dark poll. I snatched +off my floppy hat and tried hurriedly in the dark to ram it on my other +self. He dodged and fended off silently. I wonder what he thought had +come to me before he understood and suddenly desisted. Our hands met +gropingly, lingered united in a steady, motionless clasp for a second. +. . . No word was breathed by either of us when they separated. + +I was standing quietly by the pantry door when the steward returned. + +"Sorry, sir. Kettle barely warm. Shall I light the spirit lamp?" + +"Never mind." + +I came out on deck slowly. It was now a matter of conscience to shave +the land as close as possible--for now he must go overboard whenever the +ship was put in stays. Must! There could be no going back for him. After +a moment I walked over to leeward and my heart flew into my mouth at the +nearness of the land on the bow. Under any other circumstances I would +not have held on a minute longer. The second mate had followed me +anxiously. + +I looked on till I felt I could command my voice. + +"She will weather," I said then in a quiet tone. + +"Are you going to try that, sir?" he stammered out incredulously. + +I took no notice of him and raised my tone just enough to be heard by +the helmsman. + +"Keep her good full." + +"Good full, sir." + +The wind fanned my cheek, the sails slept, the world was silent. The +strain of watching the dark loom of the land grow bigger and denser was +too much for me. I had shut my eyes--because the ship must go closer. +She must! The stillness was intolerable. Were we standing still? + +When I opened my eyes the second view started my heart with a thump. The +black southern hill of Koh-ring seemed to hang right over the ship +like a towering fragment of everlasting night. On that enormous mass of +blackness there was not a gleam to be seen, not a sound to be heard. It +was gliding irresistibly towards us and yet seemed already within reach +of the hand. I saw the vague figures of the watch grouped in the waist, +gazing in awed silence. + +"Are you going on, sir?" inquired an unsteady voice at my elbow. + +I ignored it. I had to go on. + +"Keep her full. Don't check her way. That won't do now," I said +warningly. + +"I can't see the sails very well," the helmsman answered me, in strange, +quavering tones. + +Was she close enough? Already she was, I won't say in the shadow of the +land, but in the very blackness of it, already swallowed up as it were, +gone too close to be recalled, gone from me altogether. + +"Give the mate a call," I said to the young man who stood at my elbow as +still as death. "And turn all hands up." + +My tone had a borrowed loudness reverberated from the height of the +land. Several voices cried out together: "We are all on deck, sir." + +Then stillness again, with the great shadow gliding closer, towering +higher, without a light, without a sound. Such a hush had fallen on +the ship that she might have been a bark of the dead floating in slowly +under the very gate of Erebus. + +"My God! Where are we?" + +It was the mate moaning at my elbow. He was thunderstruck, and as it +were deprived of the moral support of his whiskers. He clapped his hands +and absolutely cried out, "Lost!" + +"Be quiet," I said, sternly. + +He lowered his tone, but I saw the shadowy gesture of his despair. "What +are we doing here?" + +"Looking for the land wind." + +He made as if to tear his hair, and addressed me recklessly. + +"She will never get out. You have done it, sir. I knew it'd end in +something like this. She will never weather, and you are too close now +to stay. She'll drift ashore before she's round. O my God!" + +I caught his arm as he was raising it to batter his poor devoted head, +and shook it violently. + +"She's ashore already," he wailed, trying to tear himself away. + +"Is she? . . . Keep good full there!" + +"Good full, sir," cried the helmsman in a frightened, thin, childlike +voice. + +I hadn't let go the mate's arm and went on shaking it. "Ready about, +do you hear? You go forward"--shake--"and stop there"--shake--"and hold +your noise"--shake--"and see these head-sheets properly +overhauled"--shake, shake--shake. + +And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest my heart should +fail me. I released my grip at last and he ran forward as if fleeing for +dear life. + +I wondered what my double there in the sail locker thought of this +commotion. He was able to hear everything--and perhaps he was able to +understand why, on my conscience, it had to be thus close--no less. My +first order "Hard alee!" re-echoed ominously under the towering shadow +of Koh-ring as if I had shouted in a mountain gorge. And then I watched +the land intently. In that smooth water and light wind it was impossible +to feel the ship coming-to. No! I could not feel her. And my second self +was making now ready to ship out and lower himself overboard. Perhaps he +was gone already . . . ? + +The great black mass brooding over our very mastheads began to pivot +away from the ship's side silently. And now I forgot the secret stranger +ready to depart, and remembered only that I was a total stranger to the +ship. I did not know her. Would she do it? How was she to be handled? + +I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly. She was perhaps stopped, and +her very fate hung in the balance, with the black mass of Koh-ring like +the gate of the everlasting night towering over her taffrail. What would +she do now? Had she way on her yet? I stepped to the side swiftly, and +on the shadowy water I could see nothing except a faint phosphorescent +flash revealing the glassy smoothness of the sleeping surface. It was +impossible to tell--and I had not learned yet the feel of my ship. Was +she moving? What I needed was something easily seen, a piece of paper, +which I could throw overboard and watch. I had nothing on me. To run +down for it I didn't dare. There was no time. All at once my strained, +yearning stare distinguished a white object floating within a yard of +the ship's side. White on the black water. A phosphorescent flash passed +under it. What was that thing? . . . I recognized my own floppy hat. It +must have fallen off his head . . . and he didn't bother. Now I had what +I wanted--the saving mark for my eyes. But I hardly thought of my other +self, now gone from the ship, to be hidden forever from all friendly +faces, to be a fugitive and a vagabond on the earth, with no brand of +the curse on his sane forehead to stay a slaying hand . . . too proud to +explain. + +And I watched the hat--the expression of my sudden pity for his mere +flesh. It had been meant to save his homeless head from the dangers of +the sun. And now--behold--it was saving the ship, by serving me for a +mark to help out the ignorance of my strangeness. Ha! It was drifting +forward, warning me just in time that the ship had gathered sternaway. + +"Shift the helm," I said in a low voice to the seaman standing still +like a statue. + +The man's eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as he jumped round +to the other side and spun round the wheel. + +I walked to the break of the poop. On the over-shadowed deck all hands +stood by the forebraces waiting for my order. The stars ahead seemed to +be gliding from right to left. And all was so still in the world that +I heard the quiet remark, "She's round," passed in a tone of intense +relief between two seamen. + +"Let go and haul." + +The foreyards ran round with a great noise, amidst cheery cries. And +now the frightful whiskers made themselves heard giving various orders. +Already the ship was drawing ahead. And I was alone with her. Nothing! +no one in the world should stand now between us, throwing a shadow on +the way of silent knowledge and mute affection, the perfect communion of +a seaman with his first command. + +Walking to the taffrail, I was in time to make out, on the very edge +of a darkness thrown by a towering black mass like the very gateway of +Erebus--yes, I was in time to catch an evanescent glimpse of my white +hat left behind to mark the spot where the secret sharer of my cabin and +of my thoughts, as though he were my second self, had lowered himself +into the water to take his punishment: a free man, a proud swimmer +striking out for a new destiny. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Secret Sharer, by Joseph Conrad + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SECRET SHARER *** + +***** This file should be named 220.txt or 220.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/2/220/ + +Produced by Judith Boss and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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"The Secret Sharer." + + + + +THE SECRET SHARER + +I + + +On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes re- +sembling a mysterious system of half-submerged bamboo +fences, incomprehensible in its division of the domain of +tropical fishes, and crazy of aspect as if abandoned for- +ever by some nomad tribe of fishermen now gone to the +other end of the ocean; for there was no sign of human +habitation as far as the eye could reach. To the left a +group of barren islets, suggesting ruins of stone walls, +towers, and blockhouses, had its foundations set in a +blue sea that itself looked solid, so still and stable did it +lie below my feet; even the track of light from the west- +ering sun shone smoothly, without that animated glitter +which tells of an imperceptible ripple. And when I +turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug which +had just left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the +straight line of the flat shore joined to the stable sea, +edge to edge, with a perfect and unmarked closeness, in +one leveled floor half brown, half blue under the enor- +mous dome of the sky. Corresponding in their insignif- +icance to the islets of the sea, two small clumps of trees, +one on each side of the only fault in the impeccable joint, +marked the mouth of the river Meinam we had just left +on the first preparatory stage of our homeward journey; +and, far back on the inland level, a larger and loftier +mass, the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda, +was the only thing on which the eye could rest from the +vain task of exploring the monotonous sweep of the +horizon. Here and there gleams as of a few scattered +pieces of silver marked the windings of the great river; +and on the nearest of them, just within the bar, the tug +steaming right into the land became lost to my sight, +hull and funnel and masts, as though the impassive +earth had swallowed her up without an effort, without a +tremor. My eye followed the light cloud of her smoke, +now here, now there, above the plain, according to the +devious curves of the stream, but always fainter and +farther away, till I lost it at last behind the miter-shaped +hill of the great pagoda. And then I was left alone with +my ship, anchored at the head of the Gulf of Siam. + +She floated at the starting point of a long journey, +very still in an immense stillness, the shadows of her +spars flung far to the eastward by the setting sun. At that +moment I was alone on her decks. There was not a +sound in her--and around us nothing moved, nothing +lived, not a canoe on the water, not a bird in the air, not +a cloud in the sky. In this breathless pause at the thresh- +old of a long passage we seemed to be measuring our +fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed +task of both our existences to be carried out, far from +all human eyes, with only sky and sea for spectators and +for judges. + +There must have been some glare in the air to in- +terfere with one's sight, because it was only just before +the sun left us that my roaming eyes made out beyond +the highest ridges of the principal islet of the group some- +thing which did away with the solemnity of perfect soli- +tude. The tide of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with +tropical suddenness a swarm of stars came out above the +shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, my hand resting +lightly on my ship's rail as if on the shoulder of a +trusted friend. But, with all that multitude of celestial +bodies staring down at one, the comfort of quiet com- +munion with her was gone for good. And there were also +disturbing sounds by this time--voices, footsteps for- +ward; the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily +ministering spirit; a hand bell tinkled urgently under the +poop deck.... + +I found my two officers waiting for me near the sup- +per table, in the lighted cuddy. We sat down at once, +and as I helped the chief mate, I said: + +"Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside +the islands? I saw her mastheads above the ridge as +the sun went down." + +He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a +terrible growth of whisker, and emitted his usual ejac- +ulations: "Bless my soul, sir! You don't say so!" + +My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young +man, grave beyond his years, I thought; but as our eyes +happened to meet I detected a slight quiver on his lips. +I looked down at once. It was not my part to encourage +sneering on board my ship. It must be said, too, that +I knew very little of my officers. In consequence of cer- +tain events of no particular significance, except to my- +self, I had been appointed to the command only a +fortnight before. Neither did I know much of the hands +forward. All these people had been together for eight- +een months or so, and my position was that of the only +stranger on board. I mention this because it has some +bearing on what is to follow. But what I felt most was +my being a stranger to the ship; and if all the truth must +be told, I was somewhat of a stranger to myself. The +youngest man on board (barring the second mate), +and untried as yet by a position of the fullest respon- +sibility, I was willing to take the adequacy of the others +for granted. They had simply to be equal to their tasks; +but I wondered how far I should turn out faithful +to that ideal conception of one's own personality every +man sets up for himself secretly. + + +Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect +of collaboration on the part of his round eyes and +frightful whiskers, was trying to evolve a theory of the +anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all things +into earnest consideration. He was of a painstaking turn +of mind. As he used to say, he "liked to account to +himself" for practically everything that came in his way, +down to a miserable scorpion he had found in his cabin +a week before. The why and the wherefore of that +scorpion--how it got on board and came to select his +room rather than the pantry (which was a dark place +and more what a scorpion would be partial to), and +how on earth it managed to drown itself in the inkwell +of his writing desk--had exercised him infinitely. The +ship within the islands was much more easily accounted +for; and just as we were about to rise from table he +made his pronouncement. She was, he doubted not, a +ship from home lately arrived. Probably she drew too +much water to cross the bar except at the top of spring +tides. Therefore she went into that natural harbor to +wait for a few days in preference to remaining in an +open roadstead. + +"That's so," confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in +his slightly hoarse voice. "She draws over twenty feet. +She's the Liverpool ship Sephora with a cargo of coal. +Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff." + +We looked at him in surprise. + +"The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board +for your letters, sir," explained the young man. "He ex- +pects to take her up the river the day after tomorrow." + +After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his +information he slipped out of the cabin. The mate ob- +served regretfully that he "could not account for that +young fellow's whims." What prevented him telling us all +about it at once, he wanted to know. + +I detained him as he was making a move. For the +last two days the crew had had plenty of hard work, +and the night before they had very little sleep. I felt +painfully that I--a stranger--was doing something un- +usual when I directed him to let all hands turn in with- +out setting an anchor watch. I proposed to keep on deck +myself till one o'clock or thereabouts. I would get the +second mate to relieve me at that hour. + +"He will turn out the cook and the steward at four," +I concluded, "and then give you a call. Of course at the +slightest sign of any sort of wind we'll have the hands up +and make a start at once." + +He concealed his astonishment. "Very well, sir." Out- +side the cuddy he put his head in the second mate's door +to inform him of my unheard-of caprice to take a five +hours' anchor watch on myself. I heard the other raise +his voice incredulously--"What? The Captain himself?" +Then a few more murmurs, a door closed, then an- +other. A few moments later I went on deck. + +My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had +prompted that unconventional arrangement, as if I +had expected in those solitary hours of the night to get +on terms with the ship of which I knew nothing, manned +by men of whom I knew very little more. Fast along- +side a wharf, littered like any ship in port with a +tangle of unrelated things, invaded by unrelated shore +people, I had hardly seen her yet properly. Now, as she +lay cleared for sea, the stretch of her main-deck seemed +to me very find under the stars. Very fine, very roomy for +her size, and very inviting. I descended the poop and +paced the waist, my mind picturing to myself the coming +passage through the Malay Archipelago, down the Indian +Ocean, and up the Atlantic. All its phases were familiar +enough to me, every characteristic, all the alternatives +which were likely to face me on the high seas--every- +thing! . . . except the novel responsibility of command. +But I took heart from the reasonable thought that the +ship was like other ships, the men like other men, and +that the sea was not likely to keep any special sur- +prises expressly for my discomfiture. + +Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought my- +self of a cigar and went below to get it. All was still +down there. Everybody at the after end of the ship was +sleeping profoundly. I came out again on the quarter- +deck, agreeably at ease in my sleeping suit on that warm +breathless night, barefooted, a glowing cigar in my teeth, +and, going forward, I was met by the profound silence of +the fore end of the ship. Only as I passed the door of the +forecastle, I heard a deep, quiet, trustful sigh of some +sleeper inside. And suddenly I rejoiced in the great se- +curity of the sea as compared with the unrest of the land, +in my choice of that untempted life presenting no dis- +quieting problems, invested with an elementary moral +beauty by the absolute straightforwardness of its appeal +and by the singleness of its purpose. + +The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, +untroubled, as if symbolic, flame, confident and bright in +the mysterious shades of the night. Passing on my way aft +along the other side of the ship, I observed that the +rope side ladder, put over, no doubt, for the master of +the tug when he came to fetch away our letters, had not +been hauled in as it should have been. I became an- +noyed at this, for exactitude in some small matters is +the very soul of discipline. Then I reflected that I had +myself peremptorily dismissed my officers from duty, +and by my own act had prevented the anchor watch +being formally set and things properly attended to. I +asked myself whether it was wise ever to interfere with +the established routine of duties even from the kindest of +motives. My action might have made me appear eccentric. +Goodness only knew how that absurdly whiskered mate +would "account" for my conduct, and what the whole +ship thought of that informality of their new captain. I +was vexed with myself. + +Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were me- +chanically, I proceeded to get the ladder in myself. Now +a side ladder of that sort is a light affair and comes in +easily, yet my vigorous tug, which should have brought it +flying on board, merely recoiled upon my body in a +totally unexpected jerk. What the devil! . . . I was so +astounded by the immovableness of that ladder that I +remained stockstill, trying to account for it to myself +like that imbecile mate of mine. In the end, of course, +I put my head over the rail. + +The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow +on the darkling glassy shimmer of the sea. But I saw at +once something elongated and pale floating very close to +the ladder. Before I could form a guess a faint flash of +phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly +from the naked body of a man, flickered in the sleeping +water with the elusive, silent play of summer lightning +in a night sky. With a gasp I saw revealed to my stare a +pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid back immersed +right up to the neck in a greenish cadaverous glow. One +hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. He +was complete but for the head. A headless corpse! The +cigar dropped out of my gaping mouth with a tiny plop +and a short hiss quite audible in the absolute stillness of +all things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up +his face, a dimly pale oval in the shadow of the ship's +side. But even then I could only barely make out down +there the shape of his black-haired head. However, it was +enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation which +had gripped me about the chest to pass off. The mo- +ment of vain exclamations was past, too. I only climbed +on the spare spar and leaned over the rail as far as I +could, to bring my eyes nearer to that mystery floating +alongside. + +As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, +the sea lightning played about his limbs at every stir; and +he appeared in it ghastly, silvery, fishlike. He remained +as mute as a fish, too. He made no motion to get out of +the water, either. It was inconceivable that he should not +attempt to come on board, and strangely troubling to +suspect that perhaps he did not want to. And my first +words were prompted by just that troubled incertitude. + +"What's the matter?" I asked in my ordinary tone, +speaking down to the face upturned exactly under +mine. + +"Cramp," it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, +"I say, no need to call anyone." + +"I was not going to," I said. + +"Are you alone on deck?" + +"Yes." + +I had somehow the impression that he was on the +point of letting go the ladder to swim away beyond my +ken--mysterious as he came. But, for the moment, this +being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the +sea (it was certainly the nearest land to the ship) +wanted only to know the time. I told him. And he, down +there, tentatively: + +"I suppose your captain's turned in?" + +"I am sure he isn't," I said. + +He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard +something like the low, bitter murmur of doubt. "What's +the good?" His next words came out with a hesitating +effort. + +"Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?" + +I thought the time Had come to declare myself. + +"I am the captain." + +I heard a "By Jove!" whispered at the level of the +water. The phosphorescence flashed in the swirl of the +water all about his limbs, his other hand seized the +ladder. + +"My name's Leggatt." + +The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The +self-possession of that man had somehow induced a cor- +responding state in myself. It was very quietly that I +remarked: + +"You must be a good swimmer." + +"Yes. I've been in the water practically since nine +o'clock. The question for me now is whether I am to let +go this ladder and go on swimming till I sink from ex- +haustion, or--to come on board here." + +I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, +but a real alternative in the view of a strong soul. I +should have gathered from this that he was young; +indeed, it is only the young who are ever confronted by +such clear issues. But at the time it was pure intuition +on my part. A mysterious communication was established +already between us two--in the face of that silent, +darkened tropical sea. I was young, too; young enough +to make no comment. The man in the water began +suddenly to climb up the ladder, and I hastened away +from the rail to fetch some clothes. + +Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in +the lobby at the foot of the stairs. A faint snore came +through the closed door of the chief mate's room. The +second mate's door was on the hook, but the darkness +in there was absolutely soundless. He, too, was young and +could sleep like a stone. Remained the steward, but he +was not likely to wake up before he was called. I got a +sleeping suit out of my room and, coming back on deck, +saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main +hatch, glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on +his knees and his head in his hands. In a moment he had +concealed his damp body in a sleeping suit of the same +gray-stripe pattern as the one I was wearing and followed +me like my double on the poop. Together we moved +right aft, barefooted, silent. + +"What is it?" I asked in a deadened voice, taking the +lighted lamp out of the binnacle, and raising it to his +face. + +"An ugly business." + +He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light +eyes under somewhat heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, +square forehead; no growth on his cheeks; a small, brown +mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. His expres- +sion was concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting +light of the lamp I held up to his face; such as a man +thinking hard in solitude might wear. My sleeping suit +was just right for his size. A well-knit young fellow of +twenty-five at most. He caught his lower lip with the edge +of white, even teeth. + +"Yes," I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. The +warm, heavy tropical night closed upon his head again. + +"There's a ship over there," he murmured. + +"Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?" + +"Hadn't the slightest idea. I am the mate of her--" +He paused and corrected himself. "I should say I WAS." + +"Aha! Something wrong?" + +"Yes. Very wrong indeed. I've killed a man." + +"What do you mean? Just now?" + +"No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. +When I say a man--" + +"Fit of temper," I suggested, confidently. + +The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod im- +perceptibly above the ghostly gray of my sleeping suit. It +was, in the night, as though I had been faced by my own +reflection in the depths of a somber and immense mirror. + +"A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway +boy," murmured my double, distinctly. + +"You're a Conway boy?" + +"I am," he said, as if startled. Then, slowly . . . "Per- +haps you too--" + +It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left +before he joined. After a quick interchange of dates a +silence fell; and I thought suddenly of my absurd mate +with his terrific whiskers and the "Bless my soul--you +don't say so" type of intellect. My double gave me an +inkling of his thoughts by saying: "My father's a parson +in Norfolk. Do you see me before a judge and jury on +that charge? For myself I can't see the necessity. There +are fellows that an angel from heaven-- And I am +not that. He was one of those creatures that are just +simmering all the time with a silly sort of wickedness. +Miserable devils that have no business to live at all. He +wouldn't do his duty and wouldn't let anybody else do +theirs. But what's the good of talking! You know well +enough the sort of ill-conditioned snarling cur--" + +He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as +identical as our clothes. And I knew well enough the +pestiferous danger of such a character where there are no +means of legal repression. And I knew well enough also +that my double there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not +think of asking him for details, and he told me the story +roughly in brusque, disconnected sentences. I needed no +more. I saw it all going on as though I were myself inside +that other sleeping suit. + +"It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at +dusk. Reefed foresail! You understand the sort of +weather. The only sail we had left to keep the ship run- +ning; so you may guess what it had been like for days. +Anxious sort of job, that. He gave me some of his cursed +insolence at the sheet. I tell you I was overdone with this +terrific weather that seemed to have no end to it. Terrific, +I tell you--and a deep ship. I believe the fellow himself +was half crazed with funk. It was no time for gentlemanly +reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox. He +up and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for +the ship. All hands saw it coming and took to the rigging, +but I had him by the throat, and went on shaking him +like a rat, the men above us yelling, `Look out! look out!' +Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. They +say that for over ten minutes hardly anything was to be +seen of the ship--just the three masts and a bit of the +forecastle head and of the poop all awash driving along +in a smother of foam. It was a miracle that they found us, +jammed together behind the forebitts. It's clear that I +meant business, because I was holding him by the throat +still when they picked us up. He was black in the face. It +was too much for them. It seems they rushed us aft to- +gether, gripped as we were, screaming `Murder!' like a lot +of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. And the ship run- +ning for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute her +last in a sea fit to turn your hair gray only a-looking at +it. I understand that the skipper, too, started raving like +the rest of them. The man had been deprived of sleep for +more than a week, and to have this sprung on him at +the height of a furious gale nearly drove him out of his +mind. I wonder they didn't fling me overboard after get- +ting the carcass of their precious shipmate out of my +fingers. They had rather a job to separate us, I've been +told. A sufficiently fierce story to make an old judge and +a respectable jury sit up a bit. The first thing I heard +when I came to myself was the maddening howling of that +endless gale, and on that the voice of the old man. He +was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face out of +his sou'wester. + +"`Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no +longer as chief mate of this ship.'" + +His care to subdue his voice made it sound monot- +onous. He rested a hand on the end of the skylight to +steady himself with, and all that time did not stir a +limb, so far as I could see. "Nice little tale for a quiet tea +party," he concluded in the same tone. + +One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; +neither did I stir a limb, so far as I knew. We stood less +than a foot from each other. It occurred to me that if old +"Bless my soul--you don't say so" were to put his head +up the companion and catch sight of us, he would think +he was seeing double, or imagine himself come upon a +scene of weird witchcraft; the strange captain having a +quiet confabulation by the wheel with his own gray ghost. +I became very much concerned to prevent anything of +the sort. I heard the other's soothing undertone. + +"My father's a parson in Norfolk," it said. Evidently +he had forgotten he had told me this important fact be- +fore. Truly a nice little tale. + +"You had better slip down into my stateroom now," I +said, moving off stealthily. My double followed my move- +ments; our bare feet made no sound; I let him in, closed +the door with care, and, after giving a call to the second +mate, returned on deck for my relief. + +"Not much sign of any wind yet," I remarked when he +approached. + +"No, sir. Not much," he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse +voice, with just enough deference, no more, and barely +suppressing a yawn. + +"Well, that's all you have to look out for. You have +got your orders." + +"Yes, sir." + +I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take +up his position face forward with his elbow in the ratlines +of the mizzen rigging before I went below. The mate's +faint snoring was still going on peacefully. The cuddy +lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase +with flowers, a polite attention from the ship's provision +merchant--the last flowers we should see for the next +three months at the very least. Two bunches of bananas +hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each side of +the rudder casing. Everything was as before in the ship-- +except that two of her captain's sleeping suits were si- +multaneously in use, one motionless in the cuddy, the +other keeping very still in the captain's stateroom. + +It must be explained here that my cabin had the form +of the capital letter L, the door being within the angle +and opening into the short part of the letter. A couch +was to the left, the bed place to the right; my writing +desk and the chronometers' table faced the door. But +anyone opening it, unless he stepped right inside, had no +view of what I call the long (or vertical) part of the +letter. It contained some lockers surmounted by a book- +case; and a few clothes, a thick jacket or two, caps, oil- +skin coat, and such like, hung on hooks. There was at the +bottom of that part a door opening into my bathroom, +which could be entered also directly from the saloon. But +that way was never used. + +The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage +of this particular shape. Entering my room, lighted +strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung on gimbals above +my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he +stepped out quietly from behind the coats hung in the +recessed part. + +"I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at +once," he whispered. + +I, too, spoke under my breath. + +"Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking +and getting permission." + +He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, +as though he had been ill. And no wonder. He had been, +I heard presently, kept under arrest in his cabin for +nearly seven weeks. But there was nothing sickly in his +eyes or in his expression. He was not a bit like me, really; +yet, as we stood leaning over my bed place, whispering +side by side, with our dark heads together and our backs +to the door, anybody bold enough to open it stealthily +would have been treated to the uncanny sight of a double +captain busy talking in whispers with his other self. + +"But all this doesn't tell me how you came to hang on +to our side ladder," I inquired, in the hardly audible +murmurs we used, after he had told me something more +of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the bad +weather was over. + +"When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think +all those matters out several times over. I had six weeks +of doing nothing else, and with only an hour or so every +evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck." + +He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed +place, staring through the open port. And I could imagine +perfectly the manner of this thinking out--a stubborn if +not a steadfast operation; something of which I should +have been perfectly incapable. + +"I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the +land," he continued, so low that I had to strain my hear- +ing near as we were to each other, shoulder touching +shoulder almost. "So I asked to speak to the old man. +He always seemed very sick when he came to see me-- +as if he could not look me in the face. You know, that +foresail saved the ship. She was too deep to have run +long under bare poles. And it was I that managed to set +it for him. Anyway, he came. When I had him in my +cabin--he stood by the door looking at me as if I had +the halter round my neck already--I asked him right +away to leave my cabin door unlocked at night while +the ship was going through Sunda Straits. There would +be the Java coast within two or three miles, off Angier +Point. I wanted nothing more. I've had a prize for swim- +ming my second year in the Conway." + +"I can believe it," I breathed out. + +"God only knows why they locked me in every night. +To see some of their faces you'd have thought they were +afraid I'd go about at night strangling people. Am I a +murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I had been he +wouldn't have trusted himself like that into my room. +You'll say I might have chucked him aside and bolted out, +there and then--it was dark already. Well, no. And for +the same reason I wouldn't think of trying to smash the +door. There would have been a rush to stop me at the +noise, and I did not mean to get into a confounded +scrimmage. Somebody else might have got killed--for I +would not have broken out only to get chucked back, and +I did not want any more of that work. He refused, look- +ing more sick than ever. He was afraid of the men, and +also of that old second mate of his who had been sailing +with him for years--a gray-headed old humbug; and his +steward, too, had been with him devil knows how long-- +seventeen years or more--a dogmatic sort of loafer who +hated me like poison, just because I was the chief mate. +No chief mate ever made more than one voyage in the +Sephora, you know. Those two old chaps ran the ship. +Devil only knows what the skipper wasn't afraid of (all +his nerve went to pieces altogether in that hellish spell of +bad weather we had)--of what the law would do to him +--of his wife, perhaps. Oh, yes! she's on board. Though +I don't think she would have meddled. She would have +been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any +way. The `brand of Cain' business, don't you see. That's +all right. I was ready enough to go off wandering on the +face of the earth--and that was price enough to pay for +an Abel of that sort. Anyhow, he wouldn't listen to me. +'This thing must take its course. I represent the law +here.' He was shaking like a leaf. `So you won't?' `No!' +'Then I hope you will be able to sleep on that,' I said, and +turned my back on him. `I wonder that you can,' cries he, +and locks the door. + +"Well after that, I couldn't. Not very well. That was +three weeks ago. We have had a slow passage through the +Java Sea; drifted about Carimata for ten days. When we +anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was all right. +The nearest land (and that's five miles) is the ship's +destination; the consul would soon set about catching +me; and there would have been no object in bolding to +these islets there. I don't suppose there's a drop of water +on them. I don't know how it was, but tonight that +steward, after bringing me my supper, went out to let +me eat it, and left the door unlocked. And I ate it--all +there was, too. After I had finished I strolled out on the +quarter-deck. I don't know that I meant to do anything. +A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I believe. Then a +sudden temptation came over me. I kicked off my slip- +pers and was in the water before I had made up my +mind fairly. Somebody heard the splash and they raised +an awful hullabaloo. `He's gone! Lower the boats! He's +committed suicide! No, he's swimming.' Certainly I was +swimming. It's not so easy for a swimmer like me to +commit suicide by drowning. I landed on the nearest islet +before the boat left the ship's side. I heard them pulling +about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but after a bit they +gave up. Everything quieted down and the anchorage be- +came still as death. I sat down on a stone and began +to think. I felt certain they would start searching for me +at daylight. There was no place to hide on those stony +things--and if there had been, what would have been +the good? But now I was clear of that ship, I was not +going back. So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied +them up in a bundle with a stone inside, and dropped +them in the deep water on the outer side of that islet. +That was suicide enough for me. Let them think what +they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to +swim till I sank--but that's not the same thing. I struck +out for another of these little islands, and it was from +that one that I first saw your riding light. Something to +swim for. I went on easily, and on the way I came upon +a flat rock a foot or two above water. In the daytime, I +dare say, you might make it out with a glass from your +poop. I scrambled up on it and rested myself for a bit. +Then I made another start. That last spell must have been +over a mile." + +His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the +time he stared straight out through the porthole, in which +there was not even a star to be seen. I had not interrupted +him. There was something that made comment impossible +in his narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of feeling, a +quality, which I can't find a name for. And when he +ceased, all I found was a futile whisper: "So you swam +for our light?" + +"Yes--straight for it. It was something to swim for. I +couldn't see any stars low down because the coast was in +the way, and I couldn't see the land, either. The water +was like glass. One might have been swimming in a con- +founded thousand-feet deep cistern with no place for +scrambling out anywhere; but what I didn't like was the +notion of swimming round and round like a crazed bullock +before I gave out; and as I didn't mean to go back. . . No. +Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, off one of +these little islands by the scruff of the neck and fighting +like a wild beast? Somebody would have got killed for +certain, and I did not want any of that. So I went on. +Then your ladder--" + +"Why didn't you hail the ship?" I asked, a little louder. + +He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came +right over our heads and stopped. The second mate had +crossed from the other side of the poop and might have +been hanging over the rail for all we knew. + +"He couldn't hear us talking--could he?" My double +breathed into my very ear, anxiously. + +His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the +question I had put to him. An answer containing all the +difficulty of that situation. I closed the porthole quietly, to +make sure. A louder word might have been overheard. + +"Who's that?" he whispered then. + +"My second mate. But I don't know much more of the +fellow than you do." + +And I told him a little about myself. I had been ap- +pointed to take charge while I least expected anything of +the sort, not quite a fortnight ago. I didn't know either +the ship or the people. Hadn't had the time in port to +look about me or size anybody up. And as to the crew, +all they knew was that I was appointed to take the ship +home. For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on +board as himself, I said. And at the moment I felt it +most acutely. I felt that it would take very little to make +me a suspect person in the eyes of the ship's company. + +He had turned about meantime; and we, the two +strangers in the ship, faced each other in identical atti- +tudes. + +"Your ladder--" he murmured, after a silence. +"Who'd have thought of finding a ladder hanging over at +night in a ship anchored out here! I felt just then a very +unpleasant faintness. After the life I've been leading for +nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition. I +wasn't capable of swimming round as far as your rudder +chains. And, lo and behold! there was a ladder to get +hold of. After I gripped it I said to myself, `What's the +good?' When I saw a man's head looking over I thought +I would swim away presently and leave him shouting--in +whatever language it was. I didn't mind being looked at. +I--I liked it. And then you speaking to me so quietly-- +as if you had expected me--made me hold on a little +longer. It had been a confounded lonely time--I don't +mean while swimming. I was glad to talk a little to some- +body that didn't belong to the Sephora. As to asking for +the captain, that was a mere impulse. It could have been +no use, with all the ship knowing about me and the other +people pretty certain to be round here in the morning. I +don't know--I wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, +before I went on. I don't know what I would have +said. . . . `Fine night, isn't it?' or something of the sort." + +"Do you think they will be round here presently?" I +asked with some incredulity. + +"Quite likely," he said, faintly. + +"He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head +rolled on his shoulders. + +"H'm. We shall see then. Meantime get into that +bed," I whispered. "Want help? There." + +It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers +underneath. This amazing swimmer really needed the lift +I gave him by seizing his leg. He tumbled in, rolled over +on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. And then, +with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly +as I used to look in that bed. I gazed upon my other self +for a while before drawing across carefully the two green +serge curtains which ran on a brass rod. I thought for a +moment of pinning them together for greater safety, but +I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling to +rise and hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was +extremely tired, in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain +of stealthiness, by the effort of whispering and the +general secrecy of this excitement. It was three o'clock by +now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I was not +sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, fagged +out, looking at the curtains, trying to clear my mind of +the confused sensation of being in two places at once, +and greatly bothered by an exasperating knocking in my +head. It was a relief to discover suddenly that it was not +in my head at all, but on the outside of the door. Before +I could collect myself the words "Come in" were out of +my mouth, and the steward entered with a tray, bringing +in my morning coffee. I had slept, after all, and I was so +frightened that I shouted, "This way! I am here, stew- +ard," as though he had been miles away. He put down the +tray on the table next the couch and only then said, +very quietly, "I can see you are here, sir." I felt him give +me a keen look, but I dared not meet his eyes just then. +He must have wondered why I had drawn the curtains of +my bed before going to sleep on the couch. He went out, +hooking the door open as usual. + +I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I +would have been told at once if there had been any +wind. Calm, I thought, and I was doubly vexed. Indeed, +I felt dual more than ever. The steward reappeared sud- +denly in the doorway. I jumped up from the couch so +quickly that he gave a start. + +"What do you want here?" + +"Close your port, sir--they are washing decks." + +"It is closed," I said, reddening. + +"Very well, sir." But he did not move from the door- +way and returned my stare in an extraordinary, equivocal +manner for a time. Then his eyes wavered, all his ex- +pression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, al- +most coaxingly: + +"May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?" + +"Of course!" I turned my back on him while he popped +in and out. Then I unhooked and closed the door and +even pushed the bolt. This sort of thing could not go on +very long. The cabin was as hot as an oven, too. I took a +peep at my double, and discovered that he had not +moved, his arm was still over his eyes; but his chest +heaved; his hair was wet; his chin glistened with perspira- +tion. I reached over him and opened the port. + +"I must show myself on deck," I reflected. + +Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with +no one to say nay to me within the whole circle of the +horizon; but to lock my cabin door and take the key +away I did not dare. Directly I put my head out of the +companion I saw the group of my two officers, the +second mate barefooted, the chief mate in long India- +rubber boots, near the break of the poop, and the steward +halfway down the poop ladder talking to them eagerly. +He happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second +ran down on the main-deck shouting some order or other, +and the chief mate came to meet me, touching his cap. + +There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not +like. I don't know whether the steward had told them +that I was "queer" only, or downright drunk, but I know +the man meant to have a good look at me. I watched him +coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank +range, took effect and froze his very whiskers. I did not +give him time to open his lips. + +"Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands +go to breakfast." + +It was the first particular order I had given on board +that ship; and I stayed on deck to see it executed, too. I +had felt the need of asserting myself without loss of time. +That sneering young cub got taken down a peg or two +on that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of +having a good look at the face of every foremast man as +they filed past me to go to the after braces. At breakfast +time, eating nothing myself, I presided with such frigid +dignity that the two mates were only too glad to escape +from the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all +the time the dual working of my mind distracted me al- +most to the point of insanity. I was constantly watching +myself, my secret self, as dependent on my actions as my +own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that door +which faced me as I sat at the head of the table. It was +very much like being mad, only it was worse because one +was aware of it. + +I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last +he opened his eyes it was in the full possession of his +senses, with an inquiring look. + +"All's well so far," I whispered. "Now you must vanish +into the bathroom." + +He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for +the steward, and facing him boldly, directed him to tidy +up my stateroom while I was having my bath--"and be +quick about it." As my tone admitted of no excuses, he +said, "Yes, sir," and ran off to fetch his dustpan and +brushes. I took a bath and did most of my dressing, +splashing, and whistling softly for the steward's edifica- +tion, while the secret sharer of my life stood drawn up +bolt upright in that little space, his face looking very +sunken in daylight, his eyelids lowered under the stern, +dark line of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight +frown. + +When I left him there to go back to my room the +steward was finishing dusting. I sent for the mate and en- +gaged him in some insignificant conversation. It was, as it +were, trifling with the terrific character of his whiskers; +but my object was to give him an opportunity for a good +look at my cabin. And then I could at last shut, with a +clear conscience, the door of my stateroom and get my +double back into the recessed part. There was nothing +else for it. He had to sit still on a small folding stool, half +smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. We listened +to the steward going into the bathroom out of the saloon, +filling the water bottles there, scrubbing the bath, setting +things to rights, whisk, bang, clatter--out again into the +saloon--turn the key--click. Such was my scheme for +keeping my second self invisible. Nothing better could be +contrived under the circumstances. And there we sat; I +at my writing desk ready to appear busy with some +papers, he behind me out of sight of the door. It would +not have been prudent to talk in daytime; and I could +not have stood the excitement of that queer sense of +whispering to myself. Now and then, glancing over my +shoulder, I saw him far back there, sitting rigidly on the +low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms folded, +his head hanging on his breast--and perfectly still. Any- +body would have taken him for me. + +I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to +glance over my shoulder. I was looking at him when a +voice outside the door said: + +"Beg pardon, sir." + +"Well! . . . I kept my eyes on him, and so when the +voice outside the door announced, "There's a ship's boat +coming our way, sir," I saw him give a start--the first +movement he had made for hours. But he did not raise +his bowed head. + +"All right. Get the ladder over." + +I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But +what? His immobility seemed to have been never dis- +turbed. What could I tell him he did not know already? +. . . Finally I went on deck. + + + +II + +The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all +round his face, and the sort of complexion that goes with +hair of that color; also the particular, rather smeary +shade of blue in the eyes. He was not exactly a showy +figure; his shoulders were high, his stature but middling-- +one leg slightly more bandy than the other. He shook +hands, looking vaguely around. A spiritless tenacity was +his main characteristic, I judged. I behaved with a polite- +ness which seemed to disconcert him. Perhaps he was +shy. He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of what +he was saying; gave his name (it was something like +Archbold--but at this distance of years I hardly am +sure), his ship's name, and a few other particulars of +that sort, in the manner of a criminal making a reluctant +and doleful confession. He had had terrible weather on +the passage out--terrible--terrible--wife aboard, too. + +By this time we were seated in the cabin and the stew- +ard brought in a tray with a bottle and glasses. "Thanks! +No." Never took liquor. Would have some water, though. +He drank two tumblerfuls. Terrible thirsty work. Ever +since daylight had been exploring the islands round his +ship. + +"What was that for--fun?" I asked, with an appearance +of polite interest. + +"No!" He sighed. "Painful duty." + +As he persisted in his mumbling and I wanted my +double to hear every word, I hit upon the notion of in- +forming him that I regretted to say I was hard of hearing. + +"Such a young man, too!" he nodded, keeping his +smeary blue, unintelligent eyes fastened upon me. "What +was the cause of it--some disease?" he inquired, without +the least sympathy and as if he thought that, if so, I'd +got no more than I deserved. + +"Yes; disease," I admitted in a cheerful tone which +seemed to shock him. But my point was gained, because +he had to raise his voice to give me his tale. It is not +worth while to record his version. It was just over two +months since all this had happened, and he had thought +so much about it that he seemed completely muddled as +to its bearings, but still immensely impressed. + +"What would you think of such a thing happening on +board your own ship? I've had the Sephora for these +fifteen years. I am a well-known shipmaster." + +He was densely distressed--and perhaps I should have +sympathized with him if I had been able to detach my +mental vision from the unsuspected sharer of my cabin +as though he were my second self. There he was on the +other side of the bulkhead, four or five feet from us, no +more, as we sat in the saloon. I looked politely at Captain +Archbold (if that was his name), but it was the other I +saw, in a gray sleeping suit, seated on a low stool, his +bare feet close together, his arms folded, and every word +said between us falling into the ears of his dark head +bowed on his chest. + +"I have been at sea now, man and boy, for seven-and- +thirty years, and I've never heard of such a thing hap- +pening in an English ship. And that it should be my ship. +Wife on board, too." + +I was hardly listening to him. + +"Don't you think," I said, "that the heavy sea which, +you told me, came aboard just then might have killed +the man? I have seen the sheer weight of a sea kill a +man very neatly, by simply breaking his neck." + +"Good God!" he uttered, impressively, fixing his smeary +blue eyes on me. "The sea! No man killed by the sea ever +looked like that." He seemed positively scandalized at my +suggestion. And as I gazed at him certainly not prepared +for anything original on his part, he advanced his head +close to mine and thrust his tongue out at me so suddenly +that I couldn't help starting back. + +After scoring over my calmness in this graphic way +he nodded wisely. If I had seen the sight, he assured me, I +would never forget it as long as I lived. The weather was +too bad to give the corpse a proper sea burial. So next +day at dawn they took it up on the poop, covering its +face with a bit of bunting; he read a short prayer, and +then, just as it was, in its oilskins and long boots, they +launched it amongst those mountainous seas that seemed +ready every moment to swallow up the ship herself and +the terrified lives on board of her. + +"That reefed foresail saved you," I threw in. + +"Under God--it did," he exclaimed fervently. "It was +by a special mercy, I firmly believe, that it stood some of +those hurricane squalls." + +"It was the setting of that sail which--" I began. + +"God's own hand in it," he interrupted me. "Nothing +less could have done it. I don't mind telling you that I +hardly dared give the order. It seemed impossible that +we could touch anything without losing it, and then our +last hope would have been gone." + +The terror of that gale was on him yet. I let him go on +for a bit, then said, casually--as if returning to a minor +subject: + +"You were very anxious to give up your mate to the +shore people, I believe?" + +He was. To the law. His obscure tenacity on that point +had in it something incomprehensible and a little awful; +something, as it were, mystical, quite apart from his +anxiety that he should not be suspected of "counte- +nancing any doings of that sort." Seven-and-thirty virtu- +ous years at sea, of which over twenty of immaculate +command, and the last fifteen in the Sephora, seemed to +have laid him under some pitiless obligation. + +"And you know," he went on, groping shame-facedly +amongst his feelings, "I did not engage that young fellow. +His people had some interest with my owners. I was in a +way forced to take him on. He looked very smart, very +gentlemanly, and all that. But do you know--I never +liked him, somehow. I am a plain man. You see, he wasn't +exactly the sort for the chief mate of a ship like the +Sephora." + +I had become so connected in thoughts and impressions +with the secret sharer of my cabin that I felt as if I, per- +sonally, were being given to understand that I, too, was +not the sort that would have done for the chief mate of a +ship like the Sephora. I had no doubt of it in my mind. + +"Not at all the style of man. You understand," he in- +sisted, superfluously, looking hard at me. + +I smiled urbanely. He seemed at a loss for a while. + +"I suppose I must report a suicide." + +"Beg pardon?" + +"Sui-cide! That's what I'll have to write to my owners +directly I get in." + +"Unless you manage to recover him before tomorrow," +I assented, dispassionately. . . . "I mean, alive." + +He mumbled something which I really did not catch, +and I turned my ear to him in a puzzled manner. He fairly +bawled: + +"The land--I say, the mainland is at least seven miles +off my anchorage." + +"About that." + +My lack of excitement, of curiosity, of surprise, of any +sort of pronounced interest, began to arouse his distrust. +But except for the felicitous pretense of deafness I had +not tried to pretend anything. I had felt utterly incapable +of playing the part of ignorance properly, and therefore +was afraid to try. It is also certain that he had brought +some ready-made suspicions with him, and that he viewed +my politeness as a strange and unnatural phenomenon. +And yet how else could I have received him? Not +heartily! That was impossible for psychological reasons, +which I need not state here. My only object was to keep +off his inquiries. Surlily? Yes, but surliness might have +provoked a point-blank question. From its novelty to +him and from its nature, punctilious courtesy was the +manner best calculated to restrain the man. But there +was the danger of his breaking through my defense +bluntly. I could not, I think, have met him by a direct +lie, also for psychological (not moral) reasons. If he +had only known how afraid I was of his putting my feel- +ing of identity with the other to the test! But, strangely +enough--(I thought of it only afterwards)--I believe that +he was not a little disconcerted by the reverse side of that +weird situation, by something in me that reminded him of +the man he was seeking--suggested a mysterious simili- +tude to the young fellow he had distrusted and disliked +from the first. + +However that might have been, the silence was not +very prolonged. He took another oblique step. + +"I reckon I had no more than a two-mile pull to your +ship. Not a bit more." + +"And quite enough, too, in this awful heat," I said. + +Another pause full of mistrust followed. Necessity, they +say, is mother of invention, but fear, too, is not barren of +ingenious suggestions. And I was afraid he would ask me +point-blank for news of my other self. + +"Nice little saloon, isn't it?" I remarked, as if noticing +for the first time the way his eyes roamed from one +closed door to the other. "And very well fitted out, too. +Here, for instance," I continued, reaching over the back +of my seat negligently and flinging the door open, "is my +bathroom." + +He made an eager movement, but hardly gave it a +glance. I got up, shut the door of the bathroom, and in- +vited him to have a look round, as if I were very proud +of my accomodation. He had to rise and be shown +round, but he went through the business without any +raptures whatever. + +"And now we'll have a look at my stateroom," I de- +clared, in a voice as loud as I dared to make it, crossing +the cabin to the starboard side with purposely heavy +steps. + +He followed me in and gazed around. My intelligent +double had vanished. I played my part. + +"Very convenient--isn't it?" + +Very nice. Very comf . . ." He didn't finish and went +out brusquely as if to escape from some unrighteous wiles +of mine. But it was not to be. I had been too frightened +not to feel vengeful; I felt I had him on the run, and I +meant to keep him on the run. My polite insistence must +have had something menacing in it, because he gave in +suddenly. And I did not let him off a single item; mate's +room, pantry, storerooms, the very sail locker which +was also under the poop--he had to look into them all. +When at last I showed him out on the quarter-deck he +drew a long, spiritless sigh, and mumbled dismally that +he must really be going back to his ship now. I desired +my mate, who had joined us, to see to the captain's boat. + +The man of whiskers gave a blast on the whistle which +he used to wear hanging round his neck, and yelled, +"Sephora's away!" My double down there in my cabin +must have heard, and certainly could not feel more re- +lieved than I. Four fellows came running out from some- +where forward and went over the side, while my own +men, appearing on deck too, lined the rail. I escorted my +visitor to the gangway ceremoniously, and nearly overdid +it. He was a tenacious beast. On the very ladder he +lingered, and in that unique, guiltily conscientious man- +ner of sticking to the point: + +"I say . . . you . . . you don't think that--" + +I covered his voice loudly: + +"Certainly not. . . . I am delighted. Good-by." + +I had an idea of what he meant to say, and just saved +myself by the privilege of defective hearing. He was too +shaken generally to insist, but my mate, close witness of +that parting, looked mystified and his face took on a +thoughtful cast. As I did not want to appear as if I +wished to avoid all communication with my officers, he +had the opportunity to address me. + +"Seems a very nice man. His boat's crew told our chaps +a very extraordinary story, if what I am told by the +steward is true. I suppose you had it from the captain, +sir?" + +"Yes. I had a story from the captain." + +"A very horrible affair--isn't it, sir?" + +"It is." + +"Beats all these tales we hear about murders in Yankee +ships." + +"I don't think it beats them. I don't think it resembles +them in the least." + +"Bless my soul--you don't say so! But of course I've no +acquaintance whatever with American ships, not I so I +couldn't go against your knowledge. It's horrible enough +for me. . . . But the queerest part is that those fellows +seemed to have some idea the man was hidden aboard +here. They had really. Did you ever hear of such a thing?" + +"Preposterous--isn't it?" + +We were walking to and fro athwart the quarter-deck. +No one of the crew forward could be seen (the day was +Sunday), and the mate pursued: + +"There was some little dispute about it. Our chaps +took offense. `As if we would harbor a thing like that,' +they said. `Wouldn't you like to look for him in our coal- +hole?' Quite a tiff. But they made it up in the end. I +suppose he did drown himself. Don't you, sir?" + +"I don't suppose anything." + +"You have no doubt in the matter, sir?" + +"None whatever." + +I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad im- +pression, but with my double down there it was most try- +ing to be on deck. And it was almost as trying to be +below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. But on the +whole I felt less torn in two when I was with him. There +was no one in the whole ship whom I dared take into my +confidence. Since the hands had got to know his story, +it would have been impossible to pass him off for anyone +else, and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now +more than ever. . . . + +The steward being engaged in laying the table for din- +ner, we could talk only with our eyes when I first went +down. Later in the afternoon we had a cautious try at +whispering. The Sunday quietness of the ship was against +us; the stillness of air and water around her was against +us; the elements, the men were against us--everything +was against us in our secret partnership; time itself--for +this could not go on forever. The very trust in Providence +was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. Shall I confess that +this thought cast me down very much? And as to the +chapter of accidents which counts for so much in the +book of success, I could only hope that it was closed. For +what favorable accident could be expected? + +"Did you hear everything?" were my first words as +soon as we took up our position side by side, leaning +over my bed place. + +He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, +"The man told you he hardly dared to give the order." + +I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail. + +"Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting." + +"I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he +did, but he never gave it. He stood there with me on the +break of the poop after the main topsail blew away, and +whimpered about our last hope--positively whimpered +about it and nothing else--and the night coming on! To +hear one's skipper go on like that in such weather was +enough to drive any fellow out of his mind. It worked me +up into a sort of desperation. I just took it into my own +hands and went away from him, boiling, and-- But +what's the use telling you? YOU know! . . . Do you think +that if I had not been pretty fierce with them I should +have got the men to do anything? Not It! The bo's'n per- +haps? Perhaps! It wasn't a heavy sea--it was a sea gone +mad! I suppose the end of the world will be something +like that; and a man may have the heart to see it coming +once and be done with it--but to have to face it day +after day-- I don't blame anybody. I was precious little +better than the rest. Only--I was an officer of that old +coal wagon, anyhow--" + +"I quite understand," I conveyed that sincere assurance +into his ear. He was out of breath with whispering; I +could hear him pant slightly. It was all very simple. The +same strung-up force which had given twenty-four men a +chance, at least, for their lives, had, in a sort of recoil, +crushed an unworthy mutinous existence. + +But I had no leisure to weigh the merits of the matter-- +footsteps in the saloon, a heavy knock. "There's enough +wind to get under way with, sir." Here was the call of a +new claim upon my thoughts and even upon my feelings. + +"Turn the hands up," I cried through the door. "I'll be +on deck directly." + +I was going out to make the acquaintance of my ship. +Before I left the cabin our eyes met--the eyes of the only +two strangers on board. I pointed to the recessed part +where the little campstool awaited him and laid my finger +on my lips. He made a gesture--somewhat vague--a little +mysterious, accompanied by a faint smile, as if of regret. + +This is not the place to enlarge upon the sensations of a +man who feels for the first time a ship move under his +feet to his own independent word. In my case they were +not unalloyed. I was not wholly alone with my command; +for there was that stranger in my cabin. Or rather, I was +not completely and wholly with her. Part of me was +absent. That mental feeling of being in two places at +once affected me physically as if the mood of secrecy had +penetrated my very soul. Before an hour had elapsed +since the ship had begun to move, having occasion to +ask the mate (he stood by my side) to take a compass +bearing of the pagoda, I caught myself reaching up to +his ear in whispers. I say I caught myself, but enough had +escaped to startle the man. I can't describe it otherwise +than by saying that he shied. A grave, preoccupied man- +ner, as though he were in possession of some perplexing +intelligence, did not leave him henceforth. A little later I +moved away from the rail to look at the compass with +such a stealthy gait that the helmsman noticed it-- +and I could not help noticing the unusual roundness of +his eyes. These are trifling instances, though it's to no +commander's advantage to be suspected of ludicrous ec- +centricities. But I was also more seriously affected. There +are to a seaman certain words, gestures, that should in +given conditions come as naturally, as instinctively as the +winking of a menaced eye. A certain order should spring +on to his lips without thinking; a certain sign should get +itself made, so to speak, without reflection. But all uncon- +scious alertness had abandoned me. I had to make an +effort of will to recall myself back (from the cabin) to the +conditions of the moment. I felt that I was appearing an +irresolute commander to those people who were watching +me more or less critically. + +And, besides, there were the scares. On the second +day out, for instance, coming off the deck in the afternoon +(I had straw slippers on my bare feet) I stopped at the +open pantry door and spoke to the steward. He was doing +something there with his back to me. At the sound of my +voice he nearly jumped out of his skin, as the saying is, +and incidentally broke a cup. + +"What on earth's the matter with you?" I asked, as- +tonished. + +He was extremely confused. "Beg your pardon, sir. I +made sure you were in your cabin." + +"You see I wasn't." + +"No, sir. I could have sworn I had heard you moving +in there not a moment ago. It's most extraordinary . . . +very sorry, sir." + +I passed on with an inward shudder. I was so identified +with my secret double that I did not even mention the +fact in those scanty, fearful whispers we exchanged. I +suppose he had made some slight noise of some kind or +other. It would have been miraculous if he hadn't at one +time or another. And yet, haggard as he appeared, he +looked always perfectly self-controlled, more than calm-- +almost invulnerable. On my suggestion he remained al- +most entirely in the bathroom, which, upon the whole, +was the safest place. There could be really no shadow of +an excuse for anyone ever wanting to go in there, once +the steward had done with it. It was a very tiny place. +Sometimes he reclined on the floor, his legs bent, his head +sustained on one elbow. At others I would find him on +the campstool, sitting in his gray sleeping suit and with +his cropped dark hair like a patient, unmoved convict. At +night I would smuggle him into my bed place, and we +would whisper together, with the regular footfalls of the +officer of the watch passing and repassing over our heads. +It was an infinitely miserable time. It was lucky that +some tins of fine preserves were stowed in a locker in my +stateroom; hard bread I could always get hold of; and so +he lived on stewed chicken, PATE DE FOIE GRAS, aspara- +gus, cooked oysters, sardines--on all sorts of abominable +sham delicacies out of tins. My early-morning coffee he +always drank; and it was all I dared do for him in that +respect. + +Every day there was the horrible maneuvering to go +through so that my room and then the bathroom should +be done in the usual way. I came to hate the sight of the +steward, to abhor the voice of that harmless man. I felt +that it was he who would bring on the disaster of dis- +covery. It hung like a sword over our heads. + +The fourth day out, I think (we were then working +down the east side of the Gulf of Siam, tack for tack, in +light winds and smooth water)--the fourth day, I say, of +this miserable juggling with the unavoidable, as we sat at +our evening meal, that man, whose slightest movement I +dreaded, after putting down the dishes ran up on deck +busily. This could not be dangerous. Presently he came +down again; and then it appeared that he had remembered +a coat of mine which I had thrown over a rail to dry +after having been wetted in a shower which had passed +over the ship in the afternoon. Sitting stolidly at the head +of the table I became terrified at the sight of the garment +on his arm. Of course he made for my door. There was +no time to lose. + +"Steward," I thundered. My nerves were so shaken +that I could not govern my voice and conceal my agita- +tion. This was the sort of thing that made my terrifically +whiskered mate tap his forehead with his forefinger. I +had detected him using that gesture while talking on deck +with a confidential air to the carpenter. It was too far to +hear a word, but I had no doubt that this pantomime +could only refer to the strange new captain. + +"Yes, sir," the pale-faced steward turned resignedly to +me. It was this maddening course of being shouted at, +checked without rhyme or reason, arbitrarily chased out +of my cabin, suddenly called into it, sent flying out of his +pantry on incomprehensible errands, that accounted for +the growing wretchedness of his expression. + +"Where are you going with that coat?" + +"To your room, sir." + +"Is there another shower coming?" + +"I'm sure I don't know, sir. Shall I go up again and +see, sir?" + +"No! never mind." + +My object was attained, as of course my other self in +there would have heard everything that passed. During +this interlude my two officers never raised their eyes off +their respective plates; but the lip of that confounded +cub, the second mate, quivered visibly. + +I expected the steward to hook my coat on and come +out at once. He was very slow about it; but I dominated +my nervousness sufficiently not to shout after him. Sud- +denly I became aware (it could be heard plainly enough) +that the fellow for some reason or other was opening the +door of the bathroom. It was the end. The place was +literally not big enough to swing a cat in. My voice died +in my throat and I went stony all over. I expected to +hear a yell of surprise and terror, and made a movement, +but had not the strength to get on my legs. Everything +remained still. Had my second self taken the poor wretch +by the throat? I don't know what I could have done next +moment if I had not seen the steward come out of my +room, close the door, and then stand quietly by the side- +board. + +"Saved," I thought. "But, no! Lost! Gone! He was +gone!" + +I laid my knife and fork down and leaned back in my +chair. My head swam. After a while, when sufficiently re- +covered to speak in a steady voice, I instructed my mate +to put the ship round at eight o'clock himself. + +"I won't come on deck," I went on. "I think I'll turn in, +and unless the wind shifts I don't want to be disturbed +before midnight. I feel a bit seedy." + +"You did look middling bad a little while ago," the +chief mate remarked without showing any great concern. + +They both went out, and I stared at the steward clear- +ing the table. There was nothing to be read on that +wretched man's face. But why did he avoid my eyes, I +asked myself. Then I thought I should like to hear the +sound of his voice. + +"Steward!" + +"Sir!" Startled as usual. + +"Where did you hang up that coat?" + +"In the bathroom, sir." The usual anxious tone. "It's +not quite dry yet, sir." + +For some time longer I sat in the cuddy. Had my +double vanished as he had come? But of his coming there +was an explanation, whereas his disappearance would be +inexplicable. . . . I went slowly into my dark room, shut +the door, lighted the lamp, and for a time dared not turn +round. When at last I did I saw him standing bolt-upright +in the narrow recessed part. It would not be true to say +I had a shock, but an irresistible doubt of his bodily +existence flitted through my mind. Can it be, I asked my- +self, that he is not visible to other eyes than mine? It was +like being haunted. Motionless, with a grave face, he +raised his hands slightly at me in a gesture which meant +clearly, "Heavens! what a narrow escape!" Narrow in- +deed. I think I had come creeping quietly as near in- +sanity as any man who has not actually gone over the +border. That gesture restrained me, so to speak. + +The mate with the terrific whiskers was now putting the +ship on the other tack. In the moment of profound silence +which follows upon the hands going to their stations I +heard on the poop his raised voice: "Hard alee!" and +the distant shout of the order repeated on the main-deck. +The sails, in that light breeze, made but a faint fluttering +noise. It ceased. The ship was coming round slowly: I +held my breath in the renewed stillness of expectation; +one wouldn't have thought that there was a single living +soul on her decks. A sudden brisk shout, "Mainsail +haul!" broke the spell, and in the noisy cries and rush +overhead of the men running away with the main brace +we two, down in my cabin, came together in our usual +position by the bed place. + +He did not wait for my question. "I heard him fumbling +here and just managed to squat myself down in the bath," +he whispered to me. "The fellow only opened the door +and put his arm in to hang the coat up. All the same--" + +"I never thought of that," I whispered back, even more +appalled than before at the closeness of the shave, and +marveling at that something unyielding in his character +which was carrying him through so finely. There was no +agitation in his whisper. Whoever was being driven dis- +tracted, it was not he. He was sane. And the proof of his +sanity was continued when he took up the whispering +again. + +"It would never do for me to come to life again." + +It was something that a ghost might have said. But +what he was alluding to was his old captain's reluctant +admission of the theory of suicide. It would obviously +serve his turn--if I had understood at all the view which +seemed to govern the unalterable purpose of his action. + +"You must maroon me as soon as ever you can get +amongst these islands off the Cambodge shore," he went +on. + +"Maroon you! We are not living in a boy's adventure +tale," I protested. His scornful whispering took me up. + +"We aren't indeed! There's nothing of a boy's tale in +this. But there's nothing else for it. I want no more. You +don't suppose I am afraid of what can be done to me? +Prison or gallows or whatever they may please. But you +don't see me coming back to explain such things to an +old fellow in a wig and twelve respectable tradesmen, do +you? What can they know whether I am guilty or not--or +of WHAT I am guilty, either? That's my affair. What does +the Bible say? `Driven off the face of the earth.' Very +well, I am off the face of the earth now. As I came at +night so I shall go." + +"Impossible!" I murmured. "You can't." + +"Can't? . . . Not naked like a soul on the Day of Judg- +ment. I shall freeze on to this sleeping suit. The Last Day +is not yet--and . . . you have understood thoroughly. +Didn't you?" + +I felt suddenly ashamed of myself. I may say truly that +I understood--and my hesitation in letting that man swim +away from my ship's side had been a mere sham senti- +ment, a sort of cowardice. + +"It can't be done now till next night," I breathed out. +"The ship is on the off-shore tack and the wind may fail +us." + +"As long as I know that you understand," he whispered. +"But of course you do. It's a great satisfaction to have +got somebody to understand. You seem to have been +there on purpose." And in the same whisper, as if we two +whenever we talked had to say things to each other which +were not fit for the world to hear, he added, "It's very +wonderful." + +We remained side by side talking in our secret way-- +but sometimes silent or just exchanging a whispered word +or two at long intervals. And as usual he stared through +the port. A breath of wind came now and again into +our faces. The ship might have been moored in dock, so +gently and on an even keel she slipped through the +water, that did not murmur even at our passage, shadowy +and silent like a phantom sea. + +At midnight I went on deck, and to my mate's great +surprise put the ship round on the other tack. His terrible +whiskers flitted round me in silent criticism. I certainly +should not have done it if it had been only a question of +getting out of that sleepy gulf as quickly as possible. I +believe he told the second mate, who relieved him, that it +was a great want of judgment. The other only yawned. +That intolerable cub shuffled about so sleepily and lolled +against the rails in such a slack, improper fashion that +I came down on him sharply. + +"Aren't you properly awake yet?" + +"Yes, sir! I am awake." + +"Well, then, be good enough to hold yourself as if you +were. And keep a lookout. If there's any current we'll +be closing with some islands before daylight." + +The east side of the gulf is fringed with islands, some +solitary, others in groups. One the blue background of the +high coast they seem to float on silvery patches of calm +water, arid and gray, or dark green and rounded like +clumps of evergreen bushes, with the larger ones, a mile +or two long, showing the outlines of ridges, ribs of gray +rock under the dark mantle of matted leafage. Un- +known to trade, to travel, almost to geography, the +manner of life they harbor is an unsolved secret. There +must be villages--settlements of fishermen at least--on +the largest of them, and some communication with the +world is probably kept up by native craft. But all that +forenoon, as we headed for them, fanned along by the +faintest of breezes, I saw no sign of man or canoe in the +field of the telescope I kept on pointing at the scattered +group. + +At noon I have no orders for a change of course, and +the mate's whiskers became much concerned and seemed +to be offering themselves unduly to my notice. At last I +said: + +"I am going to stand right in. Quite in--as far as I +can take her." + +The stare of extreme surprise imparted an air of fe- +rocity also to his eyes, and he looked truly terrific for a +moment. + +"We're not doing well in the middle of the gulf," I con- +tinued, casually. "I am going to look for the land breezes +tonight." + +"Bless my soul! Do you mean, sir, in the dark amongst +the lot of all them islands and reefs and shoals?" + +"Well--if there are any regular land breezes at all on +this coast one must get close inshore to find them, +mustn't one?" + +"Bless my soul!" he exclaimed again under his breath. +All that afternoon he wore a dreamy, contemplative ap- +pearance which in him was a mark of perplexity. After +dinner I went into my stateroom as if I meant to take +some rest. There we two bent our dark heads over a +half-unrolled chart lying on my bed. + +"There," I said. "It's got to be Koh-ring. I've been look- +ing at it ever since sunrise. It has got two hills and a +low point. It must be inhabited. And on the coast op- +posite there is what looks like the mouth of a biggish +river--with some towns, no doubt, not far up. It's the +best chance for you that I can see." + +"Anything. Koh-ring let it be." + +He looked thoughtfully at the chart as if surveying +chances and distances from a lofty height--and follow- +ing with his eyes his own figure wandering on the +blank land of Cochin-China, and then passing off that +piece of paper clean out of sight into uncharted regions. +And it was as if the ship had two captains to plan her +course for her. I had been so worried and restless run- +ning up and down that I had not had the patience to +dress that day. I had remained in my sleeping suit, with +straw slippers and a soft floppy hat. The closeness of +the heat in the gulf had been most oppressive, and the +crew were used to seeing me wandering in that airy attire. + +"She will clear the south point as she heads now," I +whispered into his ear. "Goodness only knows when, +though, but certainly after dark. I'll edge her in to half a +mile, as far as I may be able to judge in the dark--" + +"Be careful," he murmured, warningly--and I realized +suddenly that all my future, the only future for which I +was fit, would perhaps go irretrievably to pieces in any +mishap to my first command. + +I could not stop a moment longer in the room. I mo- +tioned him to get out of sight and made my way on the +poop. That unplayful cub had the watch. I walked up +and down for a while thinking things out, then beckoned +him over. + +"Send a couple of hands to open the two quarter- +deck ports," I said, mildly. + +He actually had the impudence, or else so forgot him- +self in his wonder at such an incomprehensible order, as +to repeat: + +"Open the quarter-deck ports! What for, sir?" + +"The only reason you need concern yourself about is +because I tell you to do so. Have them open wide and +fastened properly." + +He reddened and went off, but I believe made some +jeering remark to the carpenter as to the sensible practice +of ventilating a ship's quarter-deck. I know he popped +into the mate's cabin to impart the fact to him be- +cause the whiskers came on deck, as it were by chance, +and stole glances at me from below--for signs of lunacy +or drunkenness, I suppose. + +A little before supper, feeling more restless than ever, +I rejoined, for a moment, my second self. And to find him +sitting so quietly was surprising, like something against +nature, inhuman. + +I developed my plan in a hurried whisper. + +"I shall stand in as close as I dare and then put her +round. I will presently find means to smuggle you out of +here into the sail locker, which communicates with the +lobby. But there is an opening, a sort of square for +hauling the sails out, which gives straight on the quarter- +deck and which is never closed in fine weather, so as to +give air to the sails. When the ship's way is deadened in +stays and all the hands are aft at the main braces you +will have a clear road to slip out and get overboard +through the open quarter-deck port. I've had them +both fastened up. Use a rope's end to lower yourself into +the water so as to avoid a splash--you know. It could +be heard and cause some beastly complication." + +He kept silent for a while, then whispered, "I under- +stand." + +"I won't be there to see you go," I began with an effort. +"The rest . . . I only hope I have understood, too." + +"You have. From first to last"--and for the first time +there seemed to be a faltering, something strained in his +whisper. He caught hold of my arm, but the ringing of the +supper bell made me start. He didn't though; he only +released his grip. + +After supper I didn't come below again till well past +eight o'clock. The faint, steady breeze was loaded with +dew; and the wet, darkened sails held all there was of +propelling power in it. The night, clear and starry, +sparkled darkly, and the opaque, lightless patches shift- +ing slowly against the low stars were the drifting islets. +On the port bow there was a big one more distant and +shadowily imposing by the great space of sky it eclipsed. + +On opening the door I had a back view of my very +own self looking at a chart. He had come out of the +recess and was standing near the table. + +"Quite dark enough," I whispered. + +He stepped back and leaned against my bed with a +level, quiet glance. I sat on the couch. We had nothing +to say to each other. Over our heads the officer of the +watch moved here and there. Then I heard him move +quickly. I knew what that meant. He was making for +the companion; and presently his voice was outside my +door. + +"We are drawing in pretty fast, sir. Land looks rather +close." + +"Very well," I answered. "I am coming on deck di- +rectly." + +I waited till he was gone out of the cuddy, then rose. +My double moved too. The time had come to ex- +change our last whispers, for neither of us was ever to +hear each other's natural voice. + +"Look here!" I opened a drawer and took out three +sovereigns. "Take this anyhow. I've got six and I'd +give you the lot, only I must keep a little money to buy +some fruit and vegetables for the crew from native boats +as we go through Sunda Straits." + +He shook his head. + +"Take it," I urged him, whispering desperately. "No +one can tell what--" + +He smiled and slapped meaningly the only pocket of +the sleeping jacket. It was not safe, certainly. But I +produced a large old silk handkerchief of mine, and +tying the three pieces of gold in a corner, pressed it on +him. He was touched, I supposed, because he took it +at last and tied it quickly round his waist under the jacket, +on his bare skin. + +Our eyes met; several seconds elapsed, till, our glances +still mingled, I extended my hand and turned the lamp +out. Then I passed through the cuddy, leaving the door +of my room wide open. . . . "Steward!" + +He was still lingering in the pantry in the greatness +of his zeal, giving a rub-up to a plated cruet stand the +last thing before going to bed. Being careful not to wake +up the mate, whose room was opposite, I spoke in an +undertone. + +He looked round anxiously. "Sir!" + +"Can you get me a little hot water from the galley?" + +"I am afraid, sir, the galley fire's been out for some +time now." + +"Go and see." + +He flew up the stairs. + +"Now," I whispered, loudly, into the saloon--too +loudly, perhaps, but I was afraid I couldn't make a sound. +He was by my side in an instant--the double captain +slipped past the stairs--through a tiny dark passage . . . +a sliding door. We were in the sail locker, scrambling +on our knees over the sails. A sudden thought struck +me. I saw myself wandering barefooted, bareheaded, +the sun beating on my dark poll. I snatched off my +floppy hat and tried hurriedly in the dark to ram it on +my other self. He dodged and fended off silently. I won- +der what he thought had come to me before he under- +stood and suddenly desisted. Our hands met gropingly, +lingered united in a steady, motionless clasp for a second. +. . . No word was breathed by either of us when they +separated. + +I was standing quietly by the pantry door when the +steward returned. + +"Sorry, sir. Kettle barely warm. Shall I light the spirit +lamp?" + +"Never mind." + +I came out on deck slowly. It was now a matter of +conscience to shave the land as close as possible--for +now he must go overboard whenever the ship was put +in stays. Must! There could be no going back for him. +After a moment I walked over to leeward and my heart +flew into my mouth at the nearness of the land on the +bow. Under any other circumstances I would not have +held on a minute longer. The second mate had followed +me anxiously. + +I looked on till I felt I could command my voice. + +"She will weather," I said then in a quiet tone. + +"Are you going to try that, sir?" he stammered out +incredulously. + +I took no notice of him and raised my tone just +enough to be heard by the helmsman. + +"Keep her good full." + +"Good full, sir." + +The wind fanned my cheek, the sails slept, the world +was silent. The strain of watching the dark loom of +the land grow bigger and denser was too much for me. +I had shut my eyes--because the ship must go closer. +She must! The stillness was intolerable. Were we standing +still? + +When I opened my eyes the second view started my +heart with a thump. The black southern hill of Koh-ring +seemed to hang right over the ship like a towering frag- +ment of ever-lasting night. On that enormous mass of +blackness there was not a gleam to be seen, not a sound +to be heard. It was gliding irresistibly towards us and +yet seemed already within reach of the hand. I saw the +vague figures of the watch grouped in the waist, gazing in +awed silence. + +"Are you going on, sir?" inquired an unsteady voice at +my elbow. + +I ignored it. I had to go on. + +"Keep her full. Don't check her way. That won't do +now," I said warningly. + +"I can't see the sails very well," the helmsman an- +swered me, in strange, quavering tones. + +Was she close enough? Already she was, I won't say in +the shadow of the land, but in the very blackness of it, +already swallowed up as it were, gone too close to be re- +called, gone from me altogether. + +"Give the mate a call," I said to the young man who +stood at my elbow as still as death. "And turn all hands +up." + +My tone had a borrowed loudness reverberated from +the height of the land. Several voices cried out together: +"We are all on deck, sir." + +Then stillness again, with the great shadow gliding +closer, towering higher, without a light, without a sound. +Such a hush had fallen on the ship that she might have +been a bark of the dead floating in slowly under the very +gate of Erebus. + +"My God! Where are we?" + +It was the mate moaning at my elbow. He was thunder- +struck, and as it were deprived of the moral support of +his whiskers. He clapped his hands and absolutely cried +out, "Lost!" + +"Be quiet," I said, sternly. + +He lowered his tone, but I saw the shadowy gesture +of his despair. "What are we doing here?" + +"Looking for the land wind." + +He made as if to tear his hair, and addressed me +recklessly. + +"She will never get out. You have done it, sir. I knew +it'd end in something like this. She will never weather, +and you are too close now to stay. She'll drift ashore be- +fore she's round. O my God!" + +I caught his arm as he was raising it to batter his +poor devoted head, and shook it violently. + +"She's ashore already," he wailed, trying to tear him- +self away. + +"Is she? . . . Keep good full there!" + +"Good full, sir," cried the helmsman in a frightened, +thin, childlike voice. + +I hadn't let go the mate's arm and went on shaking it. +"Ready about, do you hear? You go forward"--shake-- +"and stop there"--shake--"and hold your noise"--shake +--"and see these head-sheets properly overhauled"-- +shake, shake--shake. + +And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest +my heart should fail me. I released my grip at last and +he ran forward as if fleeing for dear life. + +I wondered what my double there in the sail locker +thought of this commotion. He was able to hear every- +thing--and perhaps he was able to understand why, on +my conscience, it had to be thus close--no less. My first +order "Hard alee!" re-echoed ominously under the tower- +ing shadow of Koh-ring as if I had shouted in a moun- +tain gorge. And then I watched the land intently. In that +smooth water and light wind it was impossible to feel +the ship coming-to. No! I could not feel her. And my +second self was making now ready to ship out and lower +himself overboard. Perhaps he was gone already . . . ? + +The great black mass brooding over our very mast- +heads began to pivot away from the ship's side silently. +And now I forgot the secret stranger ready to depart, and +remembered only that I was a total stranger to the ship. +I did not know her. Would she do it? How was she to +be handled? + +I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly. She was +perhaps stopped, and her very fate hung in the balance, +with the black mass of Koh-ring like the gate of the +everlasting night towering over her taffrail. What would +she do now? Had she way on her yet? I stepped to the +side swiftly, and on the shadowy water I could see noth- +ing except a faint phosphorescent flash revealing the +glassy smoothness of the sleeping surface. It was im- +possible to tell--and I had not learned yet the feel of +my ship. Was she moving? What I needed was something +easily seen, a piece of paper, which I could throw over- +board and watch. I had nothing on me. To run down for +it I didn't dare. There was no time. All at once my +strained, yearning stare distinguished a white object float- +ing within a yard of the ship's side. White on the black +water. A phosphorescent flash passed under it. What was +that thing? . . . I recognized my own floppy hat. It must +have fallen off his head . . . and he didn't bother. Now I +had what I wanted--the saving mark for my eyes. But I +hardly thought of my other self, now gone from the ship, +to be hidden forever from all friendly faces, to be a fugi- +tive and a vagabond on the earth, with no brand of the +curse on his sane forehead to stay a slaying hand . . . too +proud to explain. + +And I watched the hat--the expression of my sudden +pity for his mere flesh. It had been meant to save his home- +less head from the dangers of the sun. And now--be- +hold--it was saving the ship, by serving me for a mark +to help out the ignorance of my strangeness. Ha! It was +drifting forward, warning me just in time that the ship had +gathered sternaway. + +"Shift the helm," I said in a low voice to the seaman +standing still like a statue. + +The man's eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as +he jumped round to the other side and spun round the +wheel. + +I walked to the break of the poop. On the over- +shadowed deck all hands stood by the forebraces wait- +ing for my order. The stars ahead seemed to be gliding +from right to left. And all was so still in the world that I +heard the quiet remark, "She's round," passed in a tone +of intense relief between two seamen. + +"Let go and haul." + +The foreyards ran round with a great noise, amidst +cheery cries. And now the frightful whiskers made them- +selves heard giving various orders. Already the ship was +drawing ahead. And I was alone with her. Nothing! no +one in the world should stand now between us, throwing +a shadow on the way of silent knowledge and mute af- +fection, the perfect communion of a seaman with his first +command. + +Walking to the taffrail, I was in time to make out, on +the very edge of a darkness thrown by a towering black +mass like the very gateway of Erebus--yes, I was in time +to catch an evanescent glimpse of my white hat left be- +hind to mark the spot where the secret sharer of my +cabin and of my thoughts, as though he were my second +self, had lowered himself into the water to take his +punishment: a free man, a proud swimmer striking out for +a new destiny. + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Secret Sharer + diff --git a/old/sshar10.zip b/old/sshar10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6f113c2 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/sshar10.zip diff --git a/old/sshar11.txt b/old/sshar11.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fb47b9f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/sshar11.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2105 @@ + +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Secret Sharer by Joseph Conrad + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + + + +THE SECRET SHARER + +by Joseph Conrad + + + +I + + +On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes resembling +a mysterious system of half-submerged bamboo fences, +incomprehensible in its division of the domain of tropical fishes, +and crazy of aspect as if abandoned forever by some nomad +tribe of fishermen now gone to the other end of the ocean; +for there was no sign of human habitation as far as the eye +could reach. To the left a group of barren islets, +suggesting ruins of stone walls, towers, and blockhouses, +had its foundations set in a blue sea that itself looked solid, +so still and stable did it lie below my feet; even the track +of light from the westering sun shone smoothly, without that +animated glitter which tells of an imperceptible ripple. +And when I turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug +which had just left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the straight +line of the flat shore joined to the stable sea, edge to edge, +with a perfect and unmarked closeness, in one leveled floor +half brown, half blue under the enormous dome of the sky. +Corresponding in their insignificance to the islets of the sea, +two small clumps of trees, one on each side of the only fault +in the impeccable joint, marked the mouth of the river Meinam +we had just left on the first preparatory stage of our +homeward journey; and, far back on the inland level, a larger +and loftier mass, the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda, +was the only thing on which the eye could rest from the vain +task of exploring the monotonous sweep of the horizon. +Here and there gleams as of a few scattered pieces of silver marked +the windings of the great river; and on the nearest of them, +just within the bar, the tug steaming right into the land became +lost to my sight, hull and funnel and masts, as though the impassive +earth had swallowed her up without an effort, without a tremor. +My eye followed the light cloud of her smoke, now here, +now there, above the plain, according to the devious curves +of the stream, but always fainter and farther away, till I lost +it at last behind the miter-shaped hill of the great pagoda. +And then I was left alone with my ship, anchored at the head +of the Gulf of Siam. + +She floated at the starting point of a long journey, very still in an +immense stillness, the shadows of her spars flung far to the eastward +by the setting sun. At that moment I was alone on her decks. +There was not a sound in her--and around us nothing moved, nothing lived, +not a canoe on the water, not a bird in the air, not a cloud in the sky. +In this breathless pause at the threshold of a long passage we seemed +to be measuring our fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed +task of both our existences to be carried out, far from all human eyes, +with only sky and sea for spectators and for judges. + +There must have been some glare in the air to interfere with one's sight, +because it was only just before the sun left us that my roaming eyes +made out beyond the highest ridges of the principal islet of the group +something which did away with the solemnity of perfect solitude. +The tide of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with tropical suddenness +a swarm of stars came out above the shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, +my hand resting lightly on my ship's rail as if on the shoulder of a +trusted friend. But, with all that multitude of celestial bodies staring +down at one, the comfort of quiet communion with her was gone for good. +And there were also disturbing sounds by this time--voices, footsteps forward; +the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily ministering spirit; +a hand bell tinkled urgently under the poop deck.... + +I found my two officers waiting for me near the supper table, +in the lighted cuddy. We sat down at once, and as I helped +the chief mate, I said: + +"Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside the islands? +I saw her mastheads above the ridge as the sun went down." + +He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a terrible +growth of whisker, and emitted his usual ejaculations: +"Bless my soul, sir! You don't say so!" + +My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young man, grave beyond +his years, I thought; but as our eyes happened to meet I +detected a slight quiver on his lips. I looked down at once. +It was not my part to encourage sneering on board my ship. +It must be said, too, that I knew very little of my officers. +In consequence of certain events of no particular significance, +except to myself, I had been appointed to the command only a +fortnight before. Neither did I know much of the hands forward. +All these people had been together for eighteen months or so, +and my position was that of the only stranger on board. +I mention this because it has some bearing on what is to follow. +But what I felt most was my being a stranger to the ship; +and if all the truth must be told, I was somewhat of a stranger +to myself. The youngest man on board (barring the second mate), +and untried as yet by a position of the fullest responsibility, +I was willing to take the adequacy of the others for granted. +They had simply to be equal to their tasks; but I wondered +how far I should turn out faithful to that ideal conception +of one's own personality every man sets up for himself secretly. + + +Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect of collaboration +on the part of his round eyes and frightful whiskers, was trying to evolve +a theory of the anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all things +into earnest consideration. He was of a painstaking turn of mind. +As he used to say, he "liked to account to himself" for practically +everything that came in his way, down to a miserable scorpion +he had found in his cabin a week before. The why and the wherefore +of that scorpion--how it got on board and came to select his room +rather than the pantry (which was a dark place and more what a scorpion +would be partial to), and how on earth it managed to drown itself +in the inkwell of his writing desk--had exercised him infinitely. +The ship within the islands was much more easily accounted for; +and just as we were about to rise from table he made his pronouncement. +She was, he doubted not, a ship from home lately arrived. Probably she +drew too much water to cross the bar except at the top of spring tides. +Therefore she went into that natural harbor to wait for a few days +in preference to remaining in an open roadstead. + +"That's so," confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in his +slightly hoarse voice. "She draws over twenty feet. +She's the Liverpool ship Sephora with a cargo of coal. +Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff." + +We looked at him in surprise. + +"The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board +for your letters, sir," explained the young man. +"He expects to take her up the river the day after tomorrow." + +After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his information +he slipped out of the cabin. The mate observed regretfully +that he "could not account for that young fellow's whims." +What prevented him telling us all about it at once, +he wanted to know. + +I detained him as he was making a move. For the last two days the crew had +had plenty of hard work, and the night before they had very little sleep. +I felt painfully that I--a stranger--was doing something unusual when I +directed him to let all hands turn in without setting an anchor watch. +I proposed to keep on deck myself till one o'clock or thereabouts. +I would get the second mate to relieve me at that hour. + +"He will turn out the cook and the steward at four," I concluded, +"and then give you a call. Of course at the slightest sign of any +sort of wind we'll have the hands up and make a start at once." + +He concealed his astonishment. "Very well, sir." Outside the cuddy +he put his head in the second mate's door to inform him of my +unheard-of caprice to take a five hours' anchor watch on myself. +I heard the other raise his voice incredulously--"What? The +Captain himself?" Then a few more murmurs, a door closed, then another. +A few moments later I went on deck. + +My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had prompted that +unconventional arrangement, as if I had expected in those solitary +hours of the night to get on terms with the ship of which I +knew nothing, manned by men of whom I knew very little more. +Fast alongside a wharf, littered like any ship in port with a +tangle of unrelated things, invaded by unrelated shore people, +I had hardly seen her yet properly. Now, as she lay cleared for sea, +the stretch of her main-deck seemed to me very find under the stars. +Very fine, very roomy for her size, and very inviting. +I descended the poop and paced the waist, my mind picturing +to myself the coming passage through the Malay Archipelago, +down the Indian Ocean, and up the Atlantic. All its phases +were familiar enough to me, every characteristic, all the +alternatives which were likely to face me on the high seas-- +everything! . . . except the novel responsibility of command. +But I took heart from the reasonable thought that the ship +was like other ships, the men like other men, and that the sea +was not likely to keep any special surprises expressly +for my discomfiture. + +Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought myself +of a cigar and went below to get it. All was still down there. +Everybody at the after end of the ship was sleeping profoundly. +I came out again on the quarter-deck, agreeably at ease in my sleeping +suit on that warm breathless night, barefooted, a glowing cigar +in my teeth, and, going forward, I was met by the profound silence of +the fore end of the ship. Only as I passed the door of the forecastle, +I heard a deep, quiet, trustful sigh of some sleeper inside. +And suddenly I rejoiced in the great security of the sea as compared +with the unrest of the land, in my choice of that untempted life +presenting no disquieting problems, invested with an elementary +moral beauty by the absolute straightforwardness of its appeal +and by the singleness of its purpose. + +The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, untroubled, +as if symbolic, flame, confident and bright in the mysterious +shades of the night. Passing on my way aft along the other side +of the ship, I observed that the rope side ladder, put over, no doubt, +for the master of the tug when he came to fetch away our letters, +had not been hauled in as it should have been. I became annoyed at this, +for exactitude in some small matters is the very soul of discipline. +Then I reflected that I had myself peremptorily dismissed my +officers from duty, and by my own act had prevented the anchor +watch being formally set and things properly attended to. +I asked myself whether it was wise ever to interfere with the +established routine of duties even from the kindest of motives. +My action might have made me appear eccentric. Goodness only knew +how that absurdly whiskered mate would "account" for my conduct, +and what the whole ship thought of that informality of their new captain. +I was vexed with myself. + +Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were mechanically, +I proceeded to get the ladder in myself. Now a side ladder +of that sort is a light affair and comes in easily, yet my +vigorous tug, which should have brought it flying on board, +merely recoiled upon my body in a totally unexpected jerk. +What the devil! . . . I was so astounded by the immovableness +of that ladder that I remained stockstill, trying to +account for it to myself like that imbecile mate of mine. +In the end, of course, I put my head over the rail. + +The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow on +the darkling glassy shimmer of the sea. But I saw at once +something elongated and pale floating very close to the ladder. +Before I could form a guess a faint flash of phosphorescent light, +which seemed to issue suddenly from the naked body of a man, +flickered in the sleeping water with the elusive, silent play +of summer lightning in a night sky. With a gasp I saw revealed +to my stare a pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid back +immersed right up to the neck in a greenish cadaverous glow. +One hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. +He was complete but for the head. A headless corpse! The cigar +dropped out of my gaping mouth with a tiny plop and a short hiss +quite audible in the absolute stillness of all things under heaven. +At that I suppose he raised up his face, a dimly pale oval +in the shadow of the ship's side. But even then I could only +barely make out down there the shape of his black-haired head. +However, it was enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation +which had gripped me about the chest to pass off. +The moment of vain exclamations was past, too. I only climbed +on the spare spar and leaned over the rail as far as I could, +to bring my eyes nearer to that mystery floating alongside. + +As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, the sea +lightning played about his limbs at every stir; and he appeared +in it ghastly, silvery, fishlike. He remained as mute as +a fish, too. He made no motion to get out of the water, either. +It was inconceivable that he should not attempt to come on board, +and strangely troubling to suspect that perhaps he did not want to. +And my first words were prompted by just that troubled incertitude. + +"What's the matter?" I asked in my ordinary tone, speaking down to the face +upturned exactly under mine. + +"Cramp," it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, "I say, +no need to call anyone." + +"I was not going to," I said. + +"Are you alone on deck?" + +"Yes." + +I had somehow the impression that he was on the point of letting go the ladder +to swim away beyond my ken--mysterious as he came. But, for the moment, +this being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the sea +(it was certainly the nearest land to the ship) wanted only to know the time. +I told him. And he, down there, tentatively: + +"I suppose your captain's turned in?" + +"I am sure he isn't," I said. + +He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard something +like the low, bitter murmur of doubt. "What's the good?" +His next words came out with a hesitating effort. + +"Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?" + +I thought the time Had come to declare myself. + +"I am the captain." + +I heard a "By Jove!" whispered at the level of the water. +The phosphorescence flashed in the swirl of the water all +about his limbs, his other hand seized the ladder. + +"My name's Leggatt." + +The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The self-possession +of that man had somehow induced a corresponding state in myself. +It was very quietly that I remarked: + +"You must be a good swimmer." + +"Yes. I've been in the water practically since nine o'clock. +The question for me now is whether I am to let go this ladder +and go on swimming till I sink from exhaustion, or--to come +on board here." + +I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, +but a real alternative in the view of a strong soul. +I should have gathered from this that he was young; indeed, it is +only the young who are ever confronted by such clear issues. +But at the time it was pure intuition on my part. +A mysterious communication was established already between +us two--in the face of that silent, darkened tropical sea. +I was young, too; young enough to make no comment. +The man in the water began suddenly to climb up the ladder, +and I hastened away from the rail to fetch some clothes. + +Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in the lobby at +the foot of the stairs. A faint snore came through the closed door +of the chief mate's room. The second mate's door was on the hook, +but the darkness in there was absolutely soundless. He, too, +was young and could sleep like a stone. Remained the steward, +but he was not likely to wake up before he was called. +I got a sleeping suit out of my room and, coming back on deck, +saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main hatch, +glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on his knees and his +head in his hands. In a moment he had concealed his damp body +in a sleeping suit of the same gray-stripe pattern as the one +I was wearing and followed me like my double on the poop. +Together we moved right aft, barefooted, silent. + +"What is it?" I asked in a deadened voice, taking the lighted lamp +out of the binnacle, and raising it to his face. + +"An ugly business." + +He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light eyes under +somewhat heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, square forehead; no growth +on his cheeks; a small, brown mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. +His expression was concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting +light of the lamp I held up to his face; such as a man thinking +hard in solitude might wear. My sleeping suit was just right +for his size. A well-knit young fellow of twenty-five at most. +He caught his lower lip with the edge of white, even teeth. + +"Yes," I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. +The warm, heavy tropical night closed upon his head again. + +"There's a ship over there," he murmured. + +"Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?" + +"Hadn't the slightest idea. I am the mate of her--" +He paused and corrected himself. "I should say I WAS." + +"Aha! Something wrong?" + +"Yes. Very wrong indeed. I've killed a man." + +"What do you mean? Just now?" + +"No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. +When I say a man--" + +"Fit of temper," I suggested, confidently. + +The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod imperceptibly +above the ghostly gray of my sleeping suit. It was, in the night, +as though I had been faced by my own reflection in the depths +of a somber and immense mirror. + +"A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway boy," +murmured my double, distinctly. + +"You're a Conway boy?" + +"I am," he said, as if startled. Then, slowly . . . "Perhaps you too--" + +It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left before +he joined. After a quick interchange of dates a silence fell; +and I thought suddenly of my absurd mate with his terrific whiskers +and the "Bless my soul--you don't say so" type of intellect. +My double gave me an inkling of his thoughts by saying: +"My father's a parson in Norfolk. Do you see me before a judge +and jury on that charge? For myself I can't see the necessity. +There are fellows that an angel from heaven--And I am not that. +He was one of those creatures that are just simmering +all the time with a silly sort of wickedness. +Miserable devils that have no business to live at all. +He wouldn't do his duty and wouldn't let anybody else do theirs. +But what's the good of talking! You know well enough the sort +of ill-conditioned snarling cur--" + +He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as identical as our clothes. +And I knew well enough the pestiferous danger of such a character where there +are no means of legal repression. And I knew well enough also that my double +there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not think of asking him for details, +and he told me the story roughly in brusque, disconnected sentences. +I needed no more. I saw it all going on as though I were myself inside +that other sleeping suit. + +"It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at dusk. +Reefed foresail! You understand the sort of weather. The only sail we +had left to keep the ship running; so you may guess what it had been +like for days. Anxious sort of job, that. He gave me some of his cursed +insolence at the sheet. I tell you I was overdone with this terrific weather +that seemed to have no end to it. Terrific, I tell you--and a deep ship. +I believe the fellow himself was half crazed with funk. It was no time +for gentlemanly reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox. +He up and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for the ship. +All hands saw it coming and took to the rigging, but I had him by +the throat, and went on shaking him like a rat, the men above us yelling, +`Look out! look out!' Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. +They say that for over ten minutes hardly anything was to be seen +of the ship--just the three masts and a bit of the forecastle head +and of the poop all awash driving along in a smother of foam. +It was a miracle that they found us, jammed together behind the forebitts. +It's clear that I meant business, because I was holding him by the throat +still when they picked us up. He was black in the face. It was too much +for them. It seems they rushed us aft together, gripped as we were, +screaming `Murder!' like a lot of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. +And the ship running for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute +her last in a sea fit to turn your hair gray only a-looking at it. +I understand that the skipper, too, started raving like the rest of them. +The man had been deprived of sleep for more than a week, and to have +this sprung on him at the height of a furious gale nearly drove him +out of his mind. I wonder they didn't fling me overboard after +getting the carcass of their precious shipmate out of my fingers. +They had rather a job to separate us, I've been told. A sufficiently +fierce story to make an old judge and a respectable jury sit up a bit. +The first thing I heard when I came to myself was the maddening +howling of that endless gale, and on that the voice of the old man. +He was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face out of his sou'wester. + +"`Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no longer +as chief mate of this ship.'" + +His care to subdue his voice made it sound monotonous. +He rested a hand on the end of the skylight to steady himself with, +and all that time did not stir a limb, so far as I could see. +"Nice little tale for a quiet tea party," he concluded +in the same tone. + +One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; neither did I stir +a limb, so far as I knew. We stood less than a foot from each other. +It occurred to me that if old "Bless my soul--you don't say so" +were to put his head up the companion and catch sight of us, +he would think he was seeing double, or imagine himself come +upon a scene of weird witchcraft; the strange captain having +a quiet confabulation by the wheel with his own gray ghost. +I became very much concerned to prevent anything of the sort. +I heard the other's soothing undertone. + +"My father's a parson in Norfolk," it said. Evidently he had +forgotten he had told me this important fact before. +Truly a nice little tale. + +"You had better slip down into my stateroom now," I said, +moving off stealthily. My double followed my movements; +our bare feet made no sound; I let him in, closed the door +with care, and, after giving a call to the second mate, +returned on deck for my relief. + +"Not much sign of any wind yet," I remarked when he approached. + +"No, sir. Not much," he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse voice, +with just enough deference, no more, and barely suppressing a yawn. + +"Well, that's all you have to look out for. You have got your orders." + +"Yes, sir." + +I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take up his position face +forward with his elbow in the ratlines of the mizzen rigging before I +went below. The mate's faint snoring was still going on peacefully. +The cuddy lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase +with flowers, a polite attention from the ship's provision merchant-- +the last flowers we should see for the next three months at the very least. +Two bunches of bananas hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each +side of the rudder casing. Everything was as before in the ship-- +except that two of her captain's sleeping suits were simultaneously +in use, one motionless in the cuddy, the other keeping very still +in the captain's stateroom. + +It must be explained here that my cabin had the form of the capital +letter L, the door being within the angle and opening into the short part +of the letter. A couch was to the left, the bed place to the right; +my writing desk and the chronometers' table faced the door. +But anyone opening it, unless he stepped right inside, had no +view of what I call the long (or vertical) part of the letter. +It contained some lockers surmounted by a bookcase; and a few clothes, +a thick jacket or two, caps, oilskin coat, and such like, hung on hooks. +There was at the bottom of that part a door opening into my bathroom, +which could be entered also directly from the saloon. +But that way was never used. + +The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage of this particular shape. +Entering my room, lighted strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung on gimbals +above my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he stepped out quietly +from behind the coats hung in the recessed part. + +"I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at once," he whispered. + +I, too, spoke under my breath. + +"Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking and getting permission." + +He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, as though +he had been ill. And no wonder. He had been, I heard presently, +kept under arrest in his cabin for nearly seven weeks. +But there was nothing sickly in his eyes or in his expression. +He was not a bit like me, really; yet, as we stood leaning +over my bed place, whispering side by side, with our dark heads +together and our backs to the door, anybody bold enough to open +it stealthily would have been treated to the uncanny sight +of a double captain busy talking in whispers with his other self. + +"But all this doesn't tell me how you came to hang on to our side ladder," +I inquired, in the hardly audible murmurs we used, after he had told +me something more of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the bad +weather was over. + +"When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think all those matters +out several times over. I had six weeks of doing nothing else, +and with only an hour or so every evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck." + +He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed place, staring through +the open port. And I could imagine perfectly the manner of this thinking out-- +a stubborn if not a steadfast operation; something of which I should have +been perfectly incapable. + +"I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the land," +he continued, so low that I had to strain my hearing near +as we were to each other, shoulder touching shoulder almost. +"So I asked to speak to the old man. He always seemed +very sick when he came to see me--as if he could not look +me in the face. You know, that foresail saved the ship. +She was too deep to have run long under bare poles. +And it was I that managed to set it for him. Anyway, he came. +When I had him in my cabin--he stood by the door looking +at me as if I had the halter round my neck already-- +I asked him right away to leave my cabin door unlocked +at night while the ship was going through Sunda Straits. +There would be the Java coast within two or three miles, +off Angier Point. I wanted nothing more. I've had a prize +for swimming my second year in the Conway." + +"I can believe it," I breathed out. + +"God only knows why they locked me in every night. +To see some of their faces you'd have thought they +were afraid I'd go about at night strangling people. +Am I a murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I had been +he wouldn't have trusted himself like that into my room. +You'll say I might have chucked him aside and bolted out, +there and then--it was dark already. Well, no. And for +the same reason I wouldn't think of trying to smash the door. +There would have been a rush to stop me at the noise, +and I did not mean to get into a confounded scrimmage. +Somebody else might have got killed--for I would not have +broken out only to get chucked back, and I did not want any +more of that work. He refused, looking more sick than ever. +He was afraid of the men, and also of that old second mate of his +who had been sailing with him for years--a gray-headed old humbug; +and his steward, too, had been with him devil knows how long-- +seventeen years or more--a dogmatic sort of loafer who hated +me like poison, just because I was the chief mate. No chief +mate ever made more than one voyage in the Sephora, you know. +Those two old chaps ran the ship. Devil only knows what the skipper +wasn't afraid of (all his nerve went to pieces altogether +in that hellish spell of bad weather we had)--of what the law +would do to him--of his wife, perhaps. Oh, yes! she's on board. +Though I don't think she would have meddled. She would have +been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any way. +The `brand of Cain' business, don't you see. That's all right. +I was ready enough to go off wandering on the face of the earth-- +and that was price enough to pay for an Abel of that sort. +Anyhow, he wouldn't listen to me. 'This thing must take its course. +I represent the law here.' He was shaking like a leaf. +`So you won't?' `No!' 'Then I hope you will be able to sleep on that,' +I said, and turned my back on him. `I wonder that you can,' +cries he, and locks the door. + +"Well after that, I couldn't. Not very well. +That was three weeks ago. We have had a slow passage +through the Java Sea; drifted about Carimata for ten days. +When we anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was all right. +The nearest land (and that's five miles) is the ship's destination; +the consul would soon set about catching me; and there would +have been no object in bolding to these islets there. +I don't suppose there's a drop of water on them. I don't know +how it was, but tonight that steward, after bringing me my supper, +went out to let me eat it, and left the door unlocked. +And I ate it--all there was, too. After I had finished I strolled +out on the quarter-deck. I don't know that I meant to do anything. +A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I believe. +Then a sudden temptation came over me. I kicked off my slippers +and was in the water before I had made up my mind fairly. +Somebody heard the splash and they raised an awful hullabaloo. +`He's gone! Lower the boats! He's committed suicide! +No, he's swimming.' Certainly I was swimming. It's not +so easy for a swimmer like me to commit suicide by drowning. +I landed on the nearest islet before the boat left the ship's side. +I heard them pulling about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but after +a bit they gave up. Everything quieted down and the anchorage +became still as death. I sat down on a stone and began to think. +I felt certain they would start searching for me at daylight. +There was no place to hide on those stony things-- +and if there had been, what would have been the good? +But now I was clear of that ship, I was not going back. +So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied them up in a +bundle with a stone inside, and dropped them in the deep water +on the outer side of that islet. That was suicide enough for me. +Let them think what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. +I meant to swim till I sank--but that's not the same thing. +I struck out for another of these little islands, and it +was from that one that I first saw your riding light. +Something to swim for. I went on easily, and on the way I came +upon a flat rock a foot or two above water. In the daytime, +I dare say, you might make it out with a glass from your poop. +I scrambled up on it and rested myself for a bit. +Then I made another start. That last spell must have been +over a mile." + +His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the time +he stared straight out through the porthole, in which there +was not even a star to be seen. I had not interrupted him. +There was something that made comment impossible in his narrative, +or perhaps in himself; a sort of feeling, a quality, which I can't find +a name for. And when he ceased, all I found was a futile whisper: +"So you swam for our light?" + +"Yes--straight for it. It was something to swim for. +I couldn't see any stars low down because the coast was in the way, +and I couldn't see the land, either. The water was like glass. +One might have been swimming in a confounded thousand-feet deep +cistern with no place for scrambling out anywhere; but what I didn't +like was the notion of swimming round and round like a crazed +bullock before I gave out; and as I didn't mean to go back. +. . No. Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, +off one of these little islands by the scruff of the neck +and fighting like a wild beast? Somebody would have got killed +for certain, and I did not want any of that. So I went on. +Then your ladder--" + +"Why didn't you hail the ship?" I asked, a little louder. + +He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came right over our heads +and stopped. The second mate had crossed from the other side of the poop +and might have been hanging over the rail for all we knew. + +"He couldn't hear us talking--could he?" My double breathed +into my very ear, anxiously. + +His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the question +I had put to him. An answer containing all the difficulty +of that situation. I closed the porthole quietly, to make sure. +A louder word might have been overheard. + +"Who's that?" he whispered then. + +"My second mate. But I don't know much more of the fellow than you do." + +And I told him a little about myself. I had been appointed to take +charge while I least expected anything of the sort, not quite +a fortnight ago. I didn't know either the ship or the people. +Hadn't had the time in port to look about me or size anybody up. +And as to the crew, all they knew was that I was appointed to take +the ship home. For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on +board as himself, I said. And at the moment I felt it most acutely. +I felt that it would take very little to make me a suspect person +in the eyes of the ship's company. + +He had turned about meantime; and we, the two strangers in the ship, +faced each other in identical attitudes. + +"Your ladder--" he murmured, after a silence. "Who'd have thought +of finding a ladder hanging over at night in a ship anchored out here! +I felt just then a very unpleasant faintness. After the life I've +been leading for nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition. +I wasn't capable of swimming round as far as your rudder chains. +And, lo and behold! there was a ladder to get hold of. +After I gripped it I said to myself, `What's the good?' +When I saw a man's head looking over I thought I would swim away +presently and leave him shouting--in whatever language it was. +I didn't mind being looked at. I--I liked it. And then you speaking to me +so quietly--as if you had expected me--made me hold on a little longer. +It had been a confounded lonely time--I don't mean while swimming. +I was glad to talk a little to somebody that didn't belong to the Sephora. +As to asking for the captain, that was a mere impulse. It could +have been no use, with all the ship knowing about me and the other +people pretty certain to be round here in the morning. I don't know-- +I wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, before I went on. +I don't know what I would have said. . . . `Fine night, isn't it?' +or something of the sort." + +"Do you think they will be round here presently?" +I asked with some incredulity. + +"Quite likely," he said, faintly. + +"He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head rolled +on his shoulders. + +"H'm. We shall see then. Meantime get into that bed," I whispered. +"Want help? There." + +It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers underneath. +This amazing swimmer really needed the lift I gave him by seizing his leg. +He tumbled in, rolled over on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. +And then, with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly as I used +to look in that bed. I gazed upon my other self for a while before drawing +across carefully the two green serge curtains which ran on a brass rod. +I thought for a moment of pinning them together for greater safety, +but I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling to rise +and hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was extremely tired, +in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain of stealthiness, +by the effort of whispering and the general secrecy of this excitement. +It was three o'clock by now and I had been on my feet since nine, +but I was not sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, +fagged out, looking at the curtains, trying to clear my mind of the confused +sensation of being in two places at once, and greatly bothered by an +exasperating knocking in my head. It was a relief to discover suddenly +that it was not in my head at all, but on the outside of the door. +Before I could collect myself the words "Come in" were out of my mouth, +and the steward entered with a tray, bringing in my morning coffee. +I had slept, after all, and I was so frightened that I shouted, +"This way! I am here, steward," as though he had been miles away. +He put down the tray on the table next the couch and only then said, +very quietly, "I can see you are here, sir." I felt him give me a keen look, +but I dared not meet his eyes just then. He must have wondered why I +had drawn the curtains of my bed before going to sleep on the couch. +He went out, hooking the door open as usual. + +I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I would have +been told at once if there had been any wind. Calm, I thought, +and I was doubly vexed. Indeed, I felt dual more than ever. +The steward reappeared suddenly in the doorway. +I jumped up from the couch so quickly that he gave a start. + +"What do you want here?" + +"Close your port, sir--they are washing decks." + +"It is closed," I said, reddening. + +"Very well, sir." But he did not move from the doorway and returned +my stare in an extraordinary, equivocal manner for a time. +Then his eyes wavered, all his expression changed, and in a voice +unusually gentle, almost coaxingly: + +"May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?" + +"Of course!" I turned my back on him while he popped in and out. +Then I unhooked and closed the door and even pushed the bolt. +This sort of thing could not go on very long. The cabin was as hot +as an oven, too. I took a peep at my double, and discovered +that he had not moved, his arm was still over his eyes; but his +chest heaved; his hair was wet; his chin glistened with perspiration. +I reached over him and opened the port. + +"I must show myself on deck," I reflected. + +Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with no +one to say nay to me within the whole circle of the horizon; +but to lock my cabin door and take the key away I did not dare. +Directly I put my head out of the companion I saw the group +of my two officers, the second mate barefooted, the chief +mate in long India-rubber boots, near the break of the poop, +and the steward halfway down the poop ladder talking to them eagerly. +He happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second +ran down on the main-deck shouting some order or other, +and the chief mate came to meet me, touching his cap. + +There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not like. +I don't know whether the steward had told them that I was "queer" only, +or downright drunk, but I know the man meant to have a good look at me. +I watched him coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank range, +took effect and froze his very whiskers. I did not give him time +to open his lips. + +"Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands go to breakfast." + +It was the first particular order I had given on board that ship; +and I stayed on deck to see it executed, too. I had felt the need +of asserting myself without loss of time. That sneering young cub +got taken down a peg or two on that occasion, and I also seized +the opportunity of having a good look at the face of every +foremast man as they filed past me to go to the after braces. +At breakfast time, eating nothing myself, I presided with such +frigid dignity that the two mates were only too glad to escape from +the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all the time the dual +working of my mind distracted me almost to the point of insanity. +I was constantly watching myself, my secret self, as dependent +on my actions as my own personality, sleeping in that bed, +behind that door which faced me as I sat at the head of the table. +It was very much like being mad, only it was worse because one was +aware of it. + +I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last he opened his eyes +it was in the full possession of his senses, with an inquiring look. + +"All's well so far," I whispered. "Now you must vanish into the bathroom." + +He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for the steward, +and facing him boldly, directed him to tidy up my stateroom while I was +having my bath--"and be quick about it." As my tone admitted of no excuses, +he said, "Yes, sir," and ran off to fetch his dustpan and brushes. +I took a bath and did most of my dressing, splashing, and whistling +softly for the steward's edification, while the secret sharer of my life +stood drawn up bolt upright in that little space, his face looking +very sunken in daylight, his eyelids lowered under the stern, dark line +of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight frown. + +When I left him there to go back to my room the steward +was finishing dusting. I sent for the mate and engaged him +in some insignificant conversation. It was, as it were, +trifling with the terrific character of his whiskers; but my object +was to give him an opportunity for a good look at my cabin. +And then I could at last shut, with a clear conscience, the door +of my stateroom and get my double back into the recessed part. +There was nothing else for it. He had to sit still on a small +folding stool, half smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. +We listened to the steward going into the bathroom out of +the saloon, filling the water bottles there, scrubbing the bath, +setting things to rights, whisk, bang, clatter--out again +into the saloon--turn the key--click. Such was my scheme +for keeping my second self invisible. Nothing better could +be contrived under the circumstances. And there we sat; +I at my writing desk ready to appear busy with some papers, +he behind me out of sight of the door. It would not have +been prudent to talk in daytime; and I could not have stood +the excitement of that queer sense of whispering to myself. +Now and then, glancing over my shoulder, I saw him far back there, +sitting rigidly on the low stool, his bare feet close together, +his arms folded, his head hanging on his breast--and perfectly still. +Anybody would have taken him for me. + +I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to glance +over my shoulder. I was looking at him when a voice outside +the door said: + +"Beg pardon, sir." + +"Well! . . . I kept my eyes on him, and so when the voice outside +the door announced, "There's a ship's boat coming our way, sir," +I saw him give a start--the first movement he had made for hours. +But he did not raise his bowed head. + +"All right. Get the ladder over." + +I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But what? +His immobility seemed to have been never disturbed. +What could I tell him he did not know already? . . . Finally +I went on deck. + + + +II + +The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all round his face, +and the sort of complexion that goes with hair of that color; +also the particular, rather smeary shade of blue in the eyes. +He was not exactly a showy figure; his shoulders were high, +his stature but middling--one leg slightly more bandy +than the other. He shook hands, looking vaguely around. +A spiritless tenacity was his main characteristic, I judged. +I behaved with a politeness which seemed to disconcert him. +Perhaps he was shy. He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of +what he was saying; gave his name (it was something like Archbold-- +but at this distance of years I hardly am sure), his ship's name, +and a few other particulars of that sort, in the manner +of a criminal making a reluctant and doleful confession. +He had had terrible weather on the passage out--terrible--terrible-- +wife aboard, too. + +By this time we were seated in the cabin and the steward brought in a +tray with a bottle and glasses. "Thanks! No." Never took liquor. +Would have some water, though. He drank two tumblerfuls. +Terrible thirsty work. Ever since daylight had been exploring +the islands round his ship. + +"What was that for--fun?" I asked, with an appearance of polite interest. + +"No!" He sighed. "Painful duty." + +As he persisted in his mumbling and I wanted my double to hear every word, +I hit upon the notion of informing him that I regretted to say I was +hard of hearing. + +"Such a young man, too!" he nodded, keeping his smeary blue, +unintelligent eyes fastened upon me. "What was the cause of it-- +some disease?" he inquired, without the least sympathy and as +if he thought that, if so, I'd got no more than I deserved. + +"Yes; disease," I admitted in a cheerful tone which seemed to shock him. +But my point was gained, because he had to raise his voice to give +me his tale. It is not worth while to record his version. +It was just over two months since all this had happened, and he had thought +so much about it that he seemed completely muddled as to its bearings, +but still immensely impressed. + +"What would you think of such a thing happening on board your own ship? +I've had the Sephora for these fifteen years. I am a well-known shipmaster." + +He was densely distressed--and perhaps I should have sympathized +with him if I had been able to detach my mental vision +from the unsuspected sharer of my cabin as though he were my +second self. There he was on the other side of the bulkhead, +four or five feet from us, no more, as we sat in the saloon. +I looked politely at Captain Archbold (if that was his name), +but it was the other I saw, in a gray sleeping suit, seated on +a low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms folded, +and every word said between us falling into the ears of his +dark head bowed on his chest. + +"I have been at sea now, man and boy, for seven-and-thirty years, +and I've never heard of such a thing happening in an English ship. +And that it should be my ship. Wife on board, too." + +I was hardly listening to him. + +"Don't you think," I said, "that the heavy sea which, +you told me, came aboard just then might have killed the man? +I have seen the sheer weight of a sea kill a man very neatly, +by simply breaking his neck." + +"Good God!" he uttered, impressively, fixing his smeary blue eyes on me. +"The sea! No man killed by the sea ever looked like that." +He seemed positively scandalized at my suggestion. And as I gazed +at him certainly not prepared for anything original on his part, +he advanced his head close to mine and thrust his tongue out at me +so suddenly that I couldn't help starting back. + +After scoring over my calmness in this graphic way he nodded wisely. +If I had seen the sight, he assured me, I would never forget it as long +as I lived. The weather was too bad to give the corpse a proper sea burial. +So next day at dawn they took it up on the poop, covering its face +with a bit of bunting; he read a short prayer, and then, just as it was, +in its oilskins and long boots, they launched it amongst those mountainous +seas that seemed ready every moment to swallow up the ship herself +and the terrified lives on board of her. + +"That reefed foresail saved you," I threw in. + +"Under God--it did," he exclaimed fervently. "It was by a special mercy, +I firmly believe, that it stood some of those hurricane squalls." + +"It was the setting of that sail which--" I began. + +"God's own hand in it," he interrupted me. "Nothing less could have done it. +I don't mind telling you that I hardly dared give the order. +It seemed impossible that we could touch anything without losing it, +and then our last hope would have been gone." + +The terror of that gale was on him yet. I let him go on for a bit, +then said, casually--as if returning to a minor subject: + +"You were very anxious to give up your mate to the shore people, I believe?" + +He was. To the law. His obscure tenacity on that point had in it +something incomprehensible and a little awful; something, as it +were, mystical, quite apart from his anxiety that he should +not be suspected of "countenancing any doings of that sort." +Seven-and-thirty virtuous years at sea, of which over twenty +of immaculate command, and the last fifteen in the Sephora, +seemed to have laid him under some pitiless obligation. + +"And you know," he went on, groping shame-facedly amongst his feelings, +"I did not engage that young fellow. His people had some +interest with my owners. I was in a way forced to take him on. +He looked very smart, very gentlemanly, and all that. +But do you know--I never liked him, somehow. I am a plain man. +You see, he wasn't exactly the sort for the chief mate of a ship +like the Sephora." + +I had become so connected in thoughts and impressions with the secret +sharer of my cabin that I felt as if I, personally, were being +given to understand that I, too, was not the sort that would +have done for the chief mate of a ship like the Sephora. +I had no doubt of it in my mind. + +"Not at all the style of man. You understand," he insisted, +superfluously, looking hard at me. + +I smiled urbanely. He seemed at a loss for a while. + +"I suppose I must report a suicide." + +"Beg pardon?" + +"Suicide! That's what I'll have to write to my owners directly I get in." + +"Unless you manage to recover him before tomorrow," +I assented, dispassionately. . . . "I mean, alive." + +He mumbled something which I really did not catch, and I turned my ear +to him in a puzzled manner. He fairly bawled: + +"The land--I say, the mainland is at least seven miles off my anchorage." + +"About that." + +My lack of excitement, of curiosity, of surprise, of any +sort of pronounced interest, began to arouse his distrust. +But except for the felicitous pretense of deafness I had not tried +to pretend anything. I had felt utterly incapable of playing +the part of ignorance properly, and therefore was afraid to try. +It is also certain that he had brought some ready-made suspicions +with him, and that he viewed my politeness as a strange and +unnatural phenomenon. And yet how else could I have received him? +Not heartily! That was impossible for psychological reasons, +which I need not state here. My only object was to keep off +his inquiries. Surlily? Yes, but surliness might have provoked +a point-blank question. From its novelty to him and from its nature, +punctilious courtesy was the manner best calculated to restrain the man. +But there was the danger of his breaking through my defense bluntly. +I could not, I think, have met him by a direct lie, also for psychological +(not moral) reasons. If he had only known how afraid I was of +his putting my feeling of identity with the other to the test! +But, strangely enough--(I thought of it only afterwards)-- +I believe that he was not a little disconcerted by the reverse +side of that weird situation, by something in me that reminded +him of the man he was seeking--suggested a mysterious similitude +to the young fellow he had distrusted and disliked from the first. + +However that might have been, the silence was not very prolonged. +He took another oblique step. + +"I reckon I had no more than a two-mile pull to your ship. +Not a bit more." + +"And quite enough, too, in this awful heat," I said. + +Another pause full of mistrust followed. Necessity, they say, is mother +of invention, but fear, too, is not barren of ingenious suggestions. +And I was afraid he would ask me point-blank for news of my other self. + +"Nice little saloon, isn't it?" I remarked, as if noticing for the first +time the way his eyes roamed from one closed door to the other. +"And very well fitted out, too. Here, for instance," I continued, +reaching over the back of my seat negligently and flinging the door open, +"is my bathroom." + +He made an eager movement, but hardly gave it a glance. +I got up, shut the door of the bathroom, and invited him to have +a look round, as if I were very proud of my accomodation. +He had to rise and be shown round, but he went through the business +without any raptures whatever. + +"And now we'll have a look at my stateroom," I declared, +in a voice as loud as I dared to make it, crossing the cabin +to the starboard side with purposely heavy steps. + +He followed me in and gazed around. My intelligent double had vanished. +I played my part. + +"Very convenient--isn't it?" + +Very nice. Very comf . . ." He didn't finish and went out +brusquely as if to escape from some unrighteous wiles of mine. +But it was not to be. I had been too frightened not to feel vengeful; +I felt I had him on the run, and I meant to keep him on the run. +My polite insistence must have had something menacing in it, +because he gave in suddenly. And I did not let him off a single item; +mate's room, pantry, storerooms, the very sail locker which was +also under the poop--he had to look into them all. When at last I +showed him out on the quarter-deck he drew a long, spiritless sigh, +and mumbled dismally that he must really be going back to his ship now. +I desired my mate, who had joined us, to see to the captain's boat. + +The man of whiskers gave a blast on the whistle which he used +to wear hanging round his neck, and yelled, "Sephora's away!" +My double down there in my cabin must have heard, and certainly +could not feel more relieved than I. Four fellows came running +out from somewhere forward and went over the side, while my +own men, appearing on deck too, lined the rail. I escorted +my visitor to the gangway ceremoniously, and nearly overdid it. +He was a tenacious beast. On the very ladder he lingered, +and in that unique, guiltily conscientious manner of sticking +to the point: + +"I say . . . you . . . you don't think that--" + +I covered his voice loudly: + +"Certainly not. . . . I am delighted. Good-by." + +I had an idea of what he meant to say, and just saved myself +by the privilege of defective hearing. He was too shaken +generally to insist, but my mate, close witness of that parting, +looked mystified and his face took on a thoughtful cast. +As I did not want to appear as if I wished to avoid all +communication with my officers, he had the opportunity +to address me. + +"Seems a very nice man. His boat's crew told our chaps a very +extraordinary story, if what I am told by the steward is true. +I suppose you had it from the captain, sir?" + +"Yes. I had a story from the captain." + +"A very horrible affair--isn't it, sir?" + +"It is." + +"Beats all these tales we hear about murders in Yankee ships." + +"I don't think it beats them. I don't think it resembles them +in the least." + +"Bless my soul--you don't say so! But of course I've no +acquaintance whatever with American ships, not I so I couldn't +go against your knowledge. It's horrible enough for me. +. . . But the queerest part is that those fellows seemed to have +some idea the man was hidden aboard here. They had really. +Did you ever hear of such a thing?" + +"Preposterous--isn't it?" + +We were walking to and fro athwart the quarter-deck. No one of the crew +forward could be seen (the day was Sunday), and the mate pursued: + +"There was some little dispute about it. Our chaps took offense. +`As if we would harbor a thing like that,' they said. +`Wouldn't you like to look for him in our coal-hole?' Quite a tiff. +But they made it up in the end. I suppose he did drown himself. +Don't you, sir?" + +"I don't suppose anything." + +"You have no doubt in the matter, sir?" + +"None whatever." + +I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad impression, +but with my double down there it was most trying to be on deck. And it +was almost as trying to be below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. +But on the whole I felt less torn in two when I was with him. +There was no one in the whole ship whom I dared take into +my confidence. Since the hands had got to know his story, +it would have been impossible to pass him off for anyone else, +and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now more than ever. +. . . + +The steward being engaged in laying the table for dinner, +we could talk only with our eyes when I first went down. +Later in the afternoon we had a cautious try at whispering. +The Sunday quietness of the ship was against us; the stillness +of air and water around her was against us; the elements, +the men were against us--everything was against us in our +secret partnership; time itself--for this could not go on forever. +The very trust in Providence was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. +Shall I confess that this thought cast me down very much? +And as to the chapter of accidents which counts for so much +in the book of success, I could only hope that it was closed. +For what favorable accident could be expected? + +"Did you hear everything?" were my first words as soon as we took +up our position side by side, leaning over my bed place. + +He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, "The man told you +he hardly dared to give the order." + +I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail. + +"Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting." + +"I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he did, +but he never gave it. He stood there with me on the break of the poop +after the main topsail blew away, and whimpered about our last hope-- +positively whimpered about it and nothing else--and the night coming on! +To hear one's skipper go on like that in such weather was enough +to drive any fellow out of his mind. It worked me up into a sort +of desperation. I just took it into my own hands and went +away from him, boiling, and--But what's the use telling you? +YOU know! . . . Do you think that if I had not been pretty fierce +with them I should have got the men to do anything? Not It! +The bo's'n perhaps? Perhaps! It wasn't a heavy sea--it was a sea +gone mad! I suppose the end of the world will be something like that; +and a man may have the heart to see it coming once and be done with it-- +but to have to face it day after day--I don't blame anybody. +I was precious little better than the rest. Only--I was an officer +of that old coal wagon, anyhow--" + +"I quite understand," I conveyed that sincere assurance into his ear. +He was out of breath with whispering; I could hear him pant slightly. +It was all very simple. The same strung-up force which had given twenty-four +men a chance, at least, for their lives, had, in a sort of recoil, +crushed an unworthy mutinous existence. + +But I had no leisure to weigh the merits of the matter-- +footsteps in the saloon, a heavy knock. "There's enough wind +to get under way with, sir." Here was the call of a new claim +upon my thoughts and even upon my feelings. + +"Turn the hands up," I cried through the door. "I'll be on deck directly." + +I was going out to make the acquaintance of my ship. +Before I left the cabin our eyes met--the eyes of the only +two strangers on board. I pointed to the recessed part where +the little campstool awaited him and laid my finger on my lips. +He made a gesture--somewhat vague--a little mysterious, +accompanied by a faint smile, as if of regret. + +This is not the place to enlarge upon the sensations of a man +who feels for the first time a ship move under his feet to his +own independent word. In my case they were not unalloyed. +I was not wholly alone with my command; for there was that stranger +in my cabin. Or rather, I was not completely and wholly with her. +Part of me was absent. That mental feeling of being in two +places at once affected me physically as if the mood of secrecy +had penetrated my very soul. Before an hour had elapsed since +the ship had begun to move, having occasion to ask the mate +(he stood by my side) to take a compass bearing of the pagoda, +I caught myself reaching up to his ear in whispers. +I say I caught myself, but enough had escaped to startle the man. +I can't describe it otherwise than by saying that he shied. +A grave, preoccupied manner, as though he were in possession +of some perplexing intelligence, did not leave him henceforth. +A little later I moved away from the rail to look at the compass +with such a stealthy gait that the helmsman noticed it-- +and I could not help noticing the unusual roundness of his eyes. +These are trifling instances, though it's to no commander's +advantage to be suspected of ludicrous eccentricities. +But I was also more seriously affected. There are to a seaman +certain words, gestures, that should in given conditions come +as naturally, as instinctively as the winking of a menaced eye. +A certain order should spring on to his lips without thinking; +a certain sign should get itself made, so to speak, +without reflection. But all unconscious alertness had abandoned me. +I had to make an effort of will to recall myself back +(from the cabin) to the conditions of the moment. +I felt that I was appearing an irresolute commander to those +people who were watching me more or less critically. + +And, besides, there were the scares. On the second day out, +for instance, coming off the deck in the afternoon (I had straw +slippers on my bare feet) I stopped at the open pantry door and spoke +to the steward. He was doing something there with his back to me. +At the sound of my voice he nearly jumped out of his skin, +as the saying is, and incidentally broke a cup. + +"What on earth's the matter with you?" I asked, astonished. + +He was extremely confused. "Beg your pardon, sir. I made sure +you were in your cabin." + +"You see I wasn't." + +"No, sir. I could have sworn I had heard you moving in there not +a moment ago. It's most extraordinary . . . very sorry, sir." + +I passed on with an inward shudder. I was so identified +with my secret double that I did not even mention +the fact in those scanty, fearful whispers we exchanged. +I suppose he had made some slight noise of some kind or other. +It would have been miraculous if he hadn't at one time or another. +And yet, haggard as he appeared, he looked always perfectly +self-controlled, more than calm--almost invulnerable. +On my suggestion he remained almost entirely in +the bathroom, which, upon the whole, was the safest place. +There could be really no shadow of an excuse for anyone ever +wanting to go in there, once the steward had done with it. +It was a very tiny place. Sometimes he reclined on +the floor, his legs bent, his head sustained on one elbow. +At others I would find him on the campstool, sitting in his gray +sleeping suit and with his cropped dark hair like a patient, +unmoved convict. At night I would smuggle him into my bed place, +and we would whisper together, with the regular footfalls of +the officer of the watch passing and repassing over our heads. +It was an infinitely miserable time. It was lucky that some +tins of fine preserves were stowed in a locker in my stateroom; +hard bread I could always get hold of; and so he lived on stewed +chicken, PATE DE FOIE GRAS, asparagus, cooked oysters, sardines-- +on all sorts of abominable sham delicacies out of tins. +My early-morning coffee he always drank; and it was all I +dared do for him in that respect. + +Every day there was the horrible maneuvering to go through so that my room +and then the bathroom should be done in the usual way. I came to hate +the sight of the steward, to abhor the voice of that harmless man. +I felt that it was he who would bring on the disaster of discovery. +It hung like a sword over our heads. + +The fourth day out, I think (we were then working down the east side +of the Gulf of Siam, tack for tack, in light winds and smooth water)-- +the fourth day, I say, of this miserable juggling with the unavoidable, +as we sat at our evening meal, that man, whose slightest movement +I dreaded, after putting down the dishes ran up on deck busily. +This could not be dangerous. Presently he came down again; +and then it appeared that he had remembered a coat of mine +which I had thrown over a rail to dry after having been wetted +in a shower which had passed over the ship in the afternoon. +Sitting stolidly at the head of the table I became terrified at +the sight of the garment on his arm. Of course he made for my door. +There was no time to lose. + +"Steward," I thundered. My nerves were so shaken that I +could not govern my voice and conceal my agitation. +This was the sort of thing that made my terrifically +whiskered mate tap his forehead with his forefinger. +I had detected him using that gesture while talking on deck +with a confidential air to the carpenter. It was too far +to hear a word, but I had no doubt that this pantomime could +only refer to the strange new captain. + +"Yes, sir," the pale-faced steward turned resignedly to me. +It was this maddening course of being shouted at, checked without +rhyme or reason, arbitrarily chased out of my cabin, suddenly called +into it, sent flying out of his pantry on incomprehensible errands, +that accounted for the growing wretchedness of his expression. + +"Where are you going with that coat?" + +"To your room, sir." + +"Is there another shower coming?" + +"I'm sure I don't know, sir. Shall I go up again and see, sir?" + +"No! never mind." + +My object was attained, as of course my other self in there would have heard +everything that passed. During this interlude my two officers never raised +their eyes off their respective plates; but the lip of that confounded cub, +the second mate, quivered visibly. + +I expected the steward to hook my coat on and come out at once. +He was very slow about it; but I dominated my nervousness +sufficiently not to shout after him. Suddenly I became aware +(it could be heard plainly enough) that the fellow for some reason +or other was opening the door of the bathroom. It was the end. +The place was literally not big enough to swing a cat in. +My voice died in my throat and I went stony all over. +I expected to hear a yell of surprise and terror, and made +a movement, but had not the strength to get on my legs. +Everything remained still. Had my second self taken the poor +wretch by the throat? I don't know what I could have done +next moment if I had not seen the steward come out of my room, +close the door, and then stand quietly by the sideboard. + +"Saved," I thought. "But, no! Lost! Gone! He was gone!" + +I laid my knife and fork down and leaned back in my chair. My head swam. +After a while, when sufficiently recovered to speak in a steady voice, +I instructed my mate to put the ship round at eight o'clock himself. + +"I won't come on deck," I went on. "I think I'll turn in, and unless +the wind shifts I don't want to be disturbed before midnight. +I feel a bit seedy." + +"You did look middling bad a little while ago," the chief mate remarked +without showing any great concern. + +They both went out, and I stared at the steward clearing the table. +There was nothing to be read on that wretched man's face. +But why did he avoid my eyes, I asked myself. Then I thought I +should like to hear the sound of his voice. + +"Steward!" + +"Sir!" Startled as usual. + +"Where did you hang up that coat?" + +"In the bathroom, sir." The usual anxious tone. +"It's not quite dry yet, sir." + +For some time longer I sat in the cuddy. Had my double vanished +as he had come? But of his coming there was an explanation, +whereas his disappearance would be inexplicable. . . . I went +slowly into my dark room, shut the door, lighted the lamp, +and for a time dared not turn round. When at last I did I +saw him standing bolt-upright in the narrow recessed part. +It would not be true to say I had a shock, but an irresistible +doubt of his bodily existence flitted through my mind. +Can it be, I asked myself, that he is not visible to other eyes +than mine? It was like being haunted. Motionless, with a +grave face, he raised his hands slightly at me in a gesture +which meant clearly, "Heavens! what a narrow escape!" +Narrow indeed. I think I had come creeping quietly as near +insanity as any man who has not actually gone over the border. +That gesture restrained me, so to speak. + +The mate with the terrific whiskers was now putting the ship +on the other tack. In the moment of profound silence +which follows upon the hands going to their stations I heard +on the poop his raised voice: "Hard alee!" and the distant +shout of the order repeated on the main-deck. The sails, +in that light breeze, made but a faint fluttering noise. +It ceased. The ship was coming round slowly: I held my breath +in the renewed stillness of expectation; one wouldn't have +thought that there was a single living soul on her decks. +A sudden brisk shout, "Mainsail haul!" broke the spell, +and in the noisy cries and rush overhead of the men running away +with the main brace we two, down in my cabin, came together +in our usual position by the bed place. + +He did not wait for my question. "I heard him fumbling here and just +managed to squat myself down in the bath," he whispered to me. +"The fellow only opened the door and put his arm in to hang the coat up. +All the same--" + +"I never thought of that," I whispered back, even more appalled +than before at the closeness of the shave, and marveling at +that something unyielding in his character which was carrying +him through so finely. There was no agitation in his whisper. +Whoever was being driven distracted, it was not he. He was sane. +And the proof of his sanity was continued when he took up +the whispering again. + +"It would never do for me to come to life again." + +It was something that a ghost might have said. But what he was alluding +to was his old captain's reluctant admission of the theory of suicide. +It would obviously serve his turn--if I had understood at all the view +which seemed to govern the unalterable purpose of his action. + +"You must maroon me as soon as ever you can get amongst these islands +off the Cambodge shore," he went on. + +"Maroon you! We are not living in a boy's adventure tale," I protested. +His scornful whispering took me up. + +"We aren't indeed! There's nothing of a boy's tale in this. +But there's nothing else for it. I want no more. +You don't suppose I am afraid of what can be done to me? +Prison or gallows or whatever they may please. +But you don't see me coming back to explain such things +to an old fellow in a wig and twelve respectable tradesmen, +do you? What can they know whether I am guilty or not-- +or of WHAT I am guilty, either? That's my affair. +What does the Bible say? `Driven off the face of the earth.' +Very well, I am off the face of the earth now. As I came +at night so I shall go." + +"Impossible!" I murmured. "You can't." + +"Can't? . . . Not naked like a soul on the Day of Judgment. +I shall freeze on to this sleeping suit. The Last Day is not yet-- +and . . . you have understood thoroughly. Didn't you?" + +I felt suddenly ashamed of myself. I may say truly that I understood-- +and my hesitation in letting that man swim away from my ship's side +had been a mere sham sentiment, a sort of cowardice. + +"It can't be done now till next night," I breathed out. +"The ship is on the off-shore tack and the wind may fail us." + +"As long as I know that you understand," he whispered. +"But of course you do. It's a great satisfaction to have got +somebody to understand. You seem to have been there on purpose." +And in the same whisper, as if we two whenever we talked had to say +things to each other which were not fit for the world to hear, +he added, "It's very wonderful." + +We remained side by side talking in our secret way-- +but sometimes silent or just exchanging a whispered word or two +at long intervals. And as usual he stared through the port. +A breath of wind came now and again into our faces. +The ship might have been moored in dock, so gently and on an +even keel she slipped through the water, that did not murmur +even at our passage, shadowy and silent like a phantom sea. + +At midnight I went on deck, and to my mate's great +surprise put the ship round on the other tack. +His terrible whiskers flitted round me in silent criticism. +I certainly should not have done it if it had been only a question +of getting out of that sleepy gulf as quickly as possible. +I believe he told the second mate, who relieved him, +that it was a great want of judgment. The other only yawned. +That intolerable cub shuffled about so sleepily and lolled +against the rails in such a slack, improper fashion that I +came down on him sharply. + +"Aren't you properly awake yet?" + +"Yes, sir! I am awake." + +"Well, then, be good enough to hold yourself as if you were. +And keep a lookout. If there's any current we'll be closing +with some islands before daylight." + +The east side of the gulf is fringed with islands, some solitary, +others in groups. One the blue background of the high coast they +seem to float on silvery patches of calm water, arid and gray, +or dark green and rounded like clumps of evergreen bushes, +with the larger ones, a mile or two long, showing the outlines +of ridges, ribs of gray rock under the dark mantle of matted leafage. +Unknown to trade, to travel, almost to geography, the manner +of life they harbor is an unsolved secret. There must be villages-- +settlements of fishermen at least--on the largest of them, and some +communication with the world is probably kept up by native craft. +But all that forenoon, as we headed for them, fanned along by +the faintest of breezes, I saw no sign of man or canoe in the field +of the telescope I kept on pointing at the scattered group. + +At noon I have no orders for a change of course, and the mate's +whiskers became much concerned and seemed to be offering themselves +unduly to my notice. At last I said: + +"I am going to stand right in. Quite in--as far as I can take her." + +The stare of extreme surprise imparted an air of ferocity also to his eyes, +and he looked truly terrific for a moment. + +"We're not doing well in the middle of the gulf," I continued, casually. +"I am going to look for the land breezes tonight." + +"Bless my soul! Do you mean, sir, in the dark amongst the lot of all them +islands and reefs and shoals?" + +"Well--if there are any regular land breezes at all on this coast +one must get close inshore to find them, mustn't one?" + +"Bless my soul!" he exclaimed again under his breath. +All that afternoon he wore a dreamy, contemplative appearance +which in him was a mark of perplexity. After dinner I +went into my stateroom as if I meant to take some rest. +There we two bent our dark heads over a half-unrolled chart +lying on my bed. + +"There," I said. "It's got to be Koh-ring. I've been looking +at it ever since sunrise. It has got two hills and a low point. +It must be inhabited. And on the coast opposite there is what looks +like the mouth of a biggish river--with some towns, no doubt, not far up. +It's the best chance for you that I can see." + +"Anything. Koh-ring let it be." + +He looked thoughtfully at the chart as if surveying chances and +distances from a lofty height--and following with his eyes his own +figure wandering on the blank land of Cochin-China, and then passing +off that piece of paper clean out of sight into uncharted regions. +And it was as if the ship had two captains to plan her course for her. +I had been so worried and restless running up and down that I +had not had the patience to dress that day. I had remained +in my sleeping suit, with straw slippers and a soft floppy hat. +The closeness of the heat in the gulf had been most oppressive, +and the crew were used to seeing me wandering in that airy attire. + +"She will clear the south point as she heads now," I whispered into his ear. +"Goodness only knows when, though, but certainly after dark. +I'll edge her in to half a mile, as far as I may be able to judge +in the dark--" + +"Be careful," he murmured, warningly--and I realized suddenly +that all my future, the only future for which I was fit, +would perhaps go irretrievably to pieces in any mishap +to my first command. + +I could not stop a moment longer in the room. I motioned him to get out +of sight and made my way on the poop. That unplayful cub had the watch. +I walked up and down for a while thinking things out, then beckoned him over. + +"Send a couple of hands to open the two quarter-deck ports," +I said, mildly. + +He actually had the impudence, or else so forgot himself in his wonder +at such an incomprehensible order, as to repeat: + +"Open the quarter-deck ports! What for, sir?" + +"The only reason you need concern yourself about is because I tell you +to do so. Have them open wide and fastened properly." + +He reddened and went off, but I believe made some jeering remark +to the carpenter as to the sensible practice of ventilating +a ship's quarter-deck. I know he popped into the mate's cabin +to impart the fact to him because the whiskers came on deck, +as it were by chance, and stole glances at me from below-- +for signs of lunacy or drunkenness, I suppose. + +A little before supper, feeling more restless than ever, I rejoined, +for a moment, my second self. And to find him sitting so quietly +was surprising, like something against nature, inhuman. + +I developed my plan in a hurried whisper. + +"I shall stand in as close as I dare and then put her round. +I will presently find means to smuggle you out of here +into the sail locker, which communicates with the lobby. +But there is an opening, a sort of square for hauling the sails out, +which gives straight on the quarter-deck and which is never +closed in fine weather, so as to give air to the sails. +When the ship's way is deadened in stays and all the hands +are aft at the main braces you will have a clear road to slip +out and get overboard through the open quarter-deck port. +I've had them both fastened up. Use a rope's end to lower +yourself into the water so as to avoid a splash--you know. +It could be heard and cause some beastly complication." + +He kept silent for a while, then whispered, "I understand." + +"I won't be there to see you go," I began with an effort. +"The rest . . . I only hope I have understood, too." + +"You have. From first to last"--and for the first time there +seemed to be a faltering, something strained in his whisper. +He caught hold of my arm, but the ringing of the supper bell +made me start. He didn't though; he only released his grip. + +After supper I didn't come below again till well past eight +o'clock. The faint, steady breeze was loaded with dew; and the wet, +darkened sails held all there was of propelling power in it. +The night, clear and starry, sparkled darkly, and the opaque, +lightless patches shifting slowly against the low stars +were the drifting islets. On the port bow there was a big +one more distant and shadowily imposing by the great space +of sky it eclipsed. + +On opening the door I had a back view of my very own self looking at a chart. +He had come out of the recess and was standing near the table. + +"Quite dark enough," I whispered. + +He stepped back and leaned against my bed with a level, quiet glance. +I sat on the couch. We had nothing to say to each other. +Over our heads the officer of the watch moved here and there. +Then I heard him move quickly. I knew what that meant. +He was making for the companion; and presently his voice was +outside my door. + +"We are drawing in pretty fast, sir. Land looks rather close." + +"Very well," I answered. "I am coming on deck directly." + +I waited till he was gone out of the cuddy, then rose. My double moved too. +The time had come to exchange our last whispers, for neither of us was ever +to hear each other's natural voice. + +"Look here!" I opened a drawer and took out three sovereigns. +"Take this anyhow. I've got six and I'd give you the lot, +only I must keep a little money to buy some fruit and vegetables +for the crew from native boats as we go through Sunda Straits." + +He shook his head. + +"Take it," I urged him, whispering desperately. +"No one can tell what--" + +He smiled and slapped meaningly the only pocket of the sleeping jacket. +It was not safe, certainly. But I produced a large old silk handkerchief +of mine, and tying the three pieces of gold in a corner, pressed it on him. +He was touched, I supposed, because he took it at last and tied it quickly +round his waist under the jacket, on his bare skin. + +Our eyes met; several seconds elapsed, till, our glances +still mingled, I extended my hand and turned the lamp out. +Then I passed through the cuddy, leaving the door of my room wide open. +. . . "Steward!" + +He was still lingering in the pantry in the greatness of his zeal, +giving a rub-up to a plated cruet stand the last thing before going to bed. +Being careful not to wake up the mate, whose room was opposite, I spoke +in an undertone. + +He looked round anxiously. "Sir!" + +"Can you get me a little hot water from the galley?" + +"I am afraid, sir, the galley fire's been out for some time now." + +"Go and see." + +He flew up the stairs. + +"Now," I whispered, loudly, into the saloon--too loudly, +perhaps, but I was afraid I couldn't make a sound. +He was by my side in an instant--the double captain slipped past +the stairs--through a tiny dark passage . . . a sliding door. +We were in the sail locker, scrambling on our knees over the sails. +A sudden thought struck me. I saw myself wandering +barefooted, bareheaded, the sun beating on my dark poll. +I snatched off my floppy hat and tried hurriedly in the dark +to ram it on my other self. He dodged and fended off silently. +I wonder what he thought had come to me before he understood +and suddenly desisted. Our hands met gropingly, +lingered united in a steady, motionless clasp for a second. +. . . No word was breathed by either of us when they separated. + +I was standing quietly by the pantry door when the steward returned. + +"Sorry, sir. Kettle barely warm. Shall I light the spirit lamp?" + +"Never mind." + +I came out on deck slowly. It was now a matter of conscience +to shave the land as close as possible--for now he must go overboard +whenever the ship was put in stays. Must! There could be no going +back for him. After a moment I walked over to leeward and my +heart flew into my mouth at the nearness of the land on the bow. +Under any other circumstances I would not have held on a minute longer. +The second mate had followed me anxiously. + +I looked on till I felt I could command my voice. + +"She will weather," I said then in a quiet tone. + +"Are you going to try that, sir?" he stammered out incredulously. + +I took no notice of him and raised my tone just enough to be heard +by the helmsman. + +"Keep her good full." + +"Good full, sir." + +The wind fanned my cheek, the sails slept, the world was silent. +The strain of watching the dark loom of the land grow bigger and denser +was too much for me. I had shut my eyes--because the ship must go closer. +She must! The stillness was intolerable. Were we standing still? + +When I opened my eyes the second view started my heart with a thump. +The black southern hill of Koh-ring seemed to hang right over +the ship like a towering fragment of everlasting night. +On that enormous mass of blackness there was not a gleam to +be seen, not a sound to be heard. It was gliding irresistibly +towards us and yet seemed already within reach of the hand. +I saw the vague figures of the watch grouped in the waist, +gazing in awed silence. + +"Are you going on, sir?" inquired an unsteady voice at my elbow. + +I ignored it. I had to go on. + +"Keep her full. Don't check her way. That won't do now," +I said warningly. + +"I can't see the sails very well," the helmsman answered me, +in strange, quavering tones. + +Was she close enough? Already she was, I won't say in the shadow of the land, +but in the very blackness of it, already swallowed up as it were, gone too +close to be recalled, gone from me altogether. + +"Give the mate a call," I said to the young man who stood at my elbow +as still as death. "And turn all hands up." + +My tone had a borrowed loudness reverberated from the height of the land. +Several voices cried out together: "We are all on deck, sir." + +Then stillness again, with the great shadow gliding closer, +towering higher, without a light, without a sound. +Such a hush had fallen on the ship that she might have been a bark +of the dead floating in slowly under the very gate of Erebus. + +"My God! Where are we?" + +It was the mate moaning at my elbow. He was thunderstruck, +and as it were deprived of the moral support of his whiskers. +He clapped his hands and absolutely cried out, "Lost!" + +"Be quiet," I said, sternly. + +He lowered his tone, but I saw the shadowy gesture of his despair. +"What are we doing here?" + +"Looking for the land wind." + +He made as if to tear his hair, and addressed me recklessly. + +"She will never get out. You have done it, sir. I knew it'd end in something +like this. She will never weather, and you are too close now to stay. +She'll drift ashore before she's round. O my God!" + +I caught his arm as he was raising it to batter his poor devoted head, +and shook it violently. + +"She's ashore already," he wailed, trying to tear himself away. + +"Is she? . . . Keep good full there!" + +"Good full, sir," cried the helmsman in a frightened, thin, childlike voice. + +I hadn't let go the mate's arm and went on shaking it. "Ready about, +do you hear? You go forward"--shake--"and stop there"--shake--"and hold +your noise"--shake--" and see these head-sheets properly overhauled"-- +shake, shake--shake. + +And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest my heart +should fail me. I released my grip at last and he ran forward +as if fleeing for dear life. + +I wondered what my double there in the sail locker thought of +this commotion. He was able to hear everything--and perhaps he was able +to understand why, on my conscience, it had to be thus close--no less. +My first order "Hard alee!" re-echoed ominously under the towering +shadow of Koh-ring as if I had shouted in a mountain gorge. +And then I watched the land intently. In that smooth water +and light wind it was impossible to feel the ship coming-to. No! +I could not feel her. And my second self was making now ready +to ship out and lower himself overboard. Perhaps he was gone +already . . . ? + +The great black mass brooding over our very mastheads began to pivot away +from the ship's side silently. And now I forgot the secret stranger ready +to depart, and remembered only that I was a total stranger to the ship. +I did not know her. Would she do it? How was she to be handled? + +I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly. She was perhaps stopped, +and her very fate hung in the balance, with the black mass +of Koh-ring like the gate of the everlasting night towering over +her taffrail. What would she do now? Had she way on her yet? +I stepped to the side swiftly, and on the shadowy water I could see +nothing except a faint phosphorescent flash revealing the glassy +smoothness of the sleeping surface. It was impossible to tell-- +and I had not learned yet the feel of my ship. Was she moving? +What I needed was something easily seen, a piece of paper, +which I could throw overboard and watch. I had nothing on me. +To run down for it I didn't dare. There was no time. +All at once my strained, yearning stare distinguished +a white object floating within a yard of the ship's side. +White on the black water. A phosphorescent flash passed under it. +What was that thing? . . . I recognized my own floppy hat. +It must have fallen off his head . . . and he didn't bother. +Now I had what I wanted--the saving mark for my eyes. +But I hardly thought of my other self, now gone from the ship, +to be hidden forever from all friendly faces, to be a fugitive +and a vagabond on the earth, with no brand of the curse on his +sane forehead to stay a slaying hand . . . too proud to explain. + +And I watched the hat--the expression of my sudden pity for his mere flesh. +It had been meant to save his homeless head from the dangers of the sun. +And now--behold--it was saving the ship, by serving me for a mark to help +out the ignorance of my strangeness. Ha! It was drifting forward, +warning me just in time that the ship had gathered sternaway. + +"Shift the helm," I said in a low voice to the seaman standing still +like a statue. + +The man's eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as he jumped +round to the other side and spun round the wheel. + +I walked to the break of the poop. On the over-shadowed deck +all hands stood by the forebraces waiting for my order. +The stars ahead seemed to be gliding from right to left. +And all was so still in the world that I heard the quiet remark, +"She's round," passed in a tone of intense relief between two seamen. + +"Let go and haul." + +The foreyards ran round with a great noise, amidst cheery cries. +And now the frightful whiskers made themselves heard giving various orders. +Already the ship was drawing ahead. And I was alone with her. +Nothing! no one in the world should stand now between us, throwing a shadow +on the way of silent knowledge and mute affection, the perfect communion +of a seaman with his first command. + +Walking to the taffrail, I was in time to make out, on the very edge +of a darkness thrown by a towering black mass like the very gateway +of Erebus--yes, I was in time to catch an evanescent glimpse of my +white hat left behind to mark the spot where the secret sharer +of my cabin and of my thoughts, as though he were my second self, +had lowered himself into the water to take his punishment: +a free man, a proud swimmer striking out for a new destiny. + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Secret Sharer + + diff --git a/old/sshar11.zip b/old/sshar11.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d9445ef --- /dev/null +++ b/old/sshar11.zip |