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diff --git a/old/sshar10.txt b/old/sshar10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5dbc95f --- /dev/null +++ b/old/sshar10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2352 @@ + +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Secret Sharer by Joseph Conrad + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Association / Illinois + Benedictine College" within the 60 days following each + date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) + your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, +scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty +free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution +you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg +Association / Illinois Benedictine College". + +This "Small Print!" by Charles B. Kramer, Attorney +Internet (72600.2026@compuserve.com); TEL: (212-254-5093) +*END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + + +Conrad, Joseph. "The Secret Sharer." + + + + +THE SECRET SHARER + +I + + +On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes re- +sembling a mysterious system of half-submerged bamboo +fences, incomprehensible in its division of the domain of +tropical fishes, and crazy of aspect as if abandoned for- +ever by some nomad tribe of fishermen now gone to the +other end of the ocean; for there was no sign of human +habitation as far as the eye could reach. To the left a +group of barren islets, suggesting ruins of stone walls, +towers, and blockhouses, had its foundations set in a +blue sea that itself looked solid, so still and stable did it +lie below my feet; even the track of light from the west- +ering sun shone smoothly, without that animated glitter +which tells of an imperceptible ripple. And when I +turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug which +had just left us anchored outside the bar, I saw the +straight line of the flat shore joined to the stable sea, +edge to edge, with a perfect and unmarked closeness, in +one leveled floor half brown, half blue under the enor- +mous dome of the sky. Corresponding in their insignif- +icance to the islets of the sea, two small clumps of trees, +one on each side of the only fault in the impeccable joint, +marked the mouth of the river Meinam we had just left +on the first preparatory stage of our homeward journey; +and, far back on the inland level, a larger and loftier +mass, the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda, +was the only thing on which the eye could rest from the +vain task of exploring the monotonous sweep of the +horizon. Here and there gleams as of a few scattered +pieces of silver marked the windings of the great river; +and on the nearest of them, just within the bar, the tug +steaming right into the land became lost to my sight, +hull and funnel and masts, as though the impassive +earth had swallowed her up without an effort, without a +tremor. My eye followed the light cloud of her smoke, +now here, now there, above the plain, according to the +devious curves of the stream, but always fainter and +farther away, till I lost it at last behind the miter-shaped +hill of the great pagoda. And then I was left alone with +my ship, anchored at the head of the Gulf of Siam. + +She floated at the starting point of a long journey, +very still in an immense stillness, the shadows of her +spars flung far to the eastward by the setting sun. At that +moment I was alone on her decks. There was not a +sound in her--and around us nothing moved, nothing +lived, not a canoe on the water, not a bird in the air, not +a cloud in the sky. In this breathless pause at the thresh- +old of a long passage we seemed to be measuring our +fitness for a long and arduous enterprise, the appointed +task of both our existences to be carried out, far from +all human eyes, with only sky and sea for spectators and +for judges. + +There must have been some glare in the air to in- +terfere with one's sight, because it was only just before +the sun left us that my roaming eyes made out beyond +the highest ridges of the principal islet of the group some- +thing which did away with the solemnity of perfect soli- +tude. The tide of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with +tropical suddenness a swarm of stars came out above the +shadowy earth, while I lingered yet, my hand resting +lightly on my ship's rail as if on the shoulder of a +trusted friend. But, with all that multitude of celestial +bodies staring down at one, the comfort of quiet com- +munion with her was gone for good. And there were also +disturbing sounds by this time--voices, footsteps for- +ward; the steward flitted along the main-deck, a busily +ministering spirit; a hand bell tinkled urgently under the +poop deck.... + +I found my two officers waiting for me near the sup- +per table, in the lighted cuddy. We sat down at once, +and as I helped the chief mate, I said: + +"Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside +the islands? I saw her mastheads above the ridge as +the sun went down." + +He raised sharply his simple face, overcharged by a +terrible growth of whisker, and emitted his usual ejac- +ulations: "Bless my soul, sir! You don't say so!" + +My second mate was a round-cheeked, silent young +man, grave beyond his years, I thought; but as our eyes +happened to meet I detected a slight quiver on his lips. +I looked down at once. It was not my part to encourage +sneering on board my ship. It must be said, too, that +I knew very little of my officers. In consequence of cer- +tain events of no particular significance, except to my- +self, I had been appointed to the command only a +fortnight before. Neither did I know much of the hands +forward. All these people had been together for eight- +een months or so, and my position was that of the only +stranger on board. I mention this because it has some +bearing on what is to follow. But what I felt most was +my being a stranger to the ship; and if all the truth must +be told, I was somewhat of a stranger to myself. The +youngest man on board (barring the second mate), +and untried as yet by a position of the fullest respon- +sibility, I was willing to take the adequacy of the others +for granted. They had simply to be equal to their tasks; +but I wondered how far I should turn out faithful +to that ideal conception of one's own personality every +man sets up for himself secretly. + + +Meantime the chief mate, with an almost visible effect +of collaboration on the part of his round eyes and +frightful whiskers, was trying to evolve a theory of the +anchored ship. His dominant trait was to take all things +into earnest consideration. He was of a painstaking turn +of mind. As he used to say, he "liked to account to +himself" for practically everything that came in his way, +down to a miserable scorpion he had found in his cabin +a week before. The why and the wherefore of that +scorpion--how it got on board and came to select his +room rather than the pantry (which was a dark place +and more what a scorpion would be partial to), and +how on earth it managed to drown itself in the inkwell +of his writing desk--had exercised him infinitely. The +ship within the islands was much more easily accounted +for; and just as we were about to rise from table he +made his pronouncement. She was, he doubted not, a +ship from home lately arrived. Probably she drew too +much water to cross the bar except at the top of spring +tides. Therefore she went into that natural harbor to +wait for a few days in preference to remaining in an +open roadstead. + +"That's so," confirmed the second mate, suddenly, in +his slightly hoarse voice. "She draws over twenty feet. +She's the Liverpool ship Sephora with a cargo of coal. +Hundred and twenty-three days from Cardiff." + +We looked at him in surprise. + +"The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board +for your letters, sir," explained the young man. "He ex- +pects to take her up the river the day after tomorrow." + +After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his +information he slipped out of the cabin. The mate ob- +served regretfully that he "could not account for that +young fellow's whims." What prevented him telling us all +about it at once, he wanted to know. + +I detained him as he was making a move. For the +last two days the crew had had plenty of hard work, +and the night before they had very little sleep. I felt +painfully that I--a stranger--was doing something un- +usual when I directed him to let all hands turn in with- +out setting an anchor watch. I proposed to keep on deck +myself till one o'clock or thereabouts. I would get the +second mate to relieve me at that hour. + +"He will turn out the cook and the steward at four," +I concluded, "and then give you a call. Of course at the +slightest sign of any sort of wind we'll have the hands up +and make a start at once." + +He concealed his astonishment. "Very well, sir." Out- +side the cuddy he put his head in the second mate's door +to inform him of my unheard-of caprice to take a five +hours' anchor watch on myself. I heard the other raise +his voice incredulously--"What? The Captain himself?" +Then a few more murmurs, a door closed, then an- +other. A few moments later I went on deck. + +My strangeness, which had made me sleepless, had +prompted that unconventional arrangement, as if I +had expected in those solitary hours of the night to get +on terms with the ship of which I knew nothing, manned +by men of whom I knew very little more. Fast along- +side a wharf, littered like any ship in port with a +tangle of unrelated things, invaded by unrelated shore +people, I had hardly seen her yet properly. Now, as she +lay cleared for sea, the stretch of her main-deck seemed +to me very find under the stars. Very fine, very roomy for +her size, and very inviting. I descended the poop and +paced the waist, my mind picturing to myself the coming +passage through the Malay Archipelago, down the Indian +Ocean, and up the Atlantic. All its phases were familiar +enough to me, every characteristic, all the alternatives +which were likely to face me on the high seas--every- +thing! . . . except the novel responsibility of command. +But I took heart from the reasonable thought that the +ship was like other ships, the men like other men, and +that the sea was not likely to keep any special sur- +prises expressly for my discomfiture. + +Arrived at that comforting conclusion, I bethought my- +self of a cigar and went below to get it. All was still +down there. Everybody at the after end of the ship was +sleeping profoundly. I came out again on the quarter- +deck, agreeably at ease in my sleeping suit on that warm +breathless night, barefooted, a glowing cigar in my teeth, +and, going forward, I was met by the profound silence of +the fore end of the ship. Only as I passed the door of the +forecastle, I heard a deep, quiet, trustful sigh of some +sleeper inside. And suddenly I rejoiced in the great se- +curity of the sea as compared with the unrest of the land, +in my choice of that untempted life presenting no dis- +quieting problems, invested with an elementary moral +beauty by the absolute straightforwardness of its appeal +and by the singleness of its purpose. + +The riding light in the forerigging burned with a clear, +untroubled, as if symbolic, flame, confident and bright in +the mysterious shades of the night. Passing on my way aft +along the other side of the ship, I observed that the +rope side ladder, put over, no doubt, for the master of +the tug when he came to fetch away our letters, had not +been hauled in as it should have been. I became an- +noyed at this, for exactitude in some small matters is +the very soul of discipline. Then I reflected that I had +myself peremptorily dismissed my officers from duty, +and by my own act had prevented the anchor watch +being formally set and things properly attended to. I +asked myself whether it was wise ever to interfere with +the established routine of duties even from the kindest of +motives. My action might have made me appear eccentric. +Goodness only knew how that absurdly whiskered mate +would "account" for my conduct, and what the whole +ship thought of that informality of their new captain. I +was vexed with myself. + +Not from compunction certainly, but, as it were me- +chanically, I proceeded to get the ladder in myself. Now +a side ladder of that sort is a light affair and comes in +easily, yet my vigorous tug, which should have brought it +flying on board, merely recoiled upon my body in a +totally unexpected jerk. What the devil! . . . I was so +astounded by the immovableness of that ladder that I +remained stockstill, trying to account for it to myself +like that imbecile mate of mine. In the end, of course, +I put my head over the rail. + +The side of the ship made an opaque belt of shadow +on the darkling glassy shimmer of the sea. But I saw at +once something elongated and pale floating very close to +the ladder. Before I could form a guess a faint flash of +phosphorescent light, which seemed to issue suddenly +from the naked body of a man, flickered in the sleeping +water with the elusive, silent play of summer lightning +in a night sky. With a gasp I saw revealed to my stare a +pair of feet, the long legs, a broad livid back immersed +right up to the neck in a greenish cadaverous glow. One +hand, awash, clutched the bottom rung of the ladder. He +was complete but for the head. A headless corpse! The +cigar dropped out of my gaping mouth with a tiny plop +and a short hiss quite audible in the absolute stillness of +all things under heaven. At that I suppose he raised up +his face, a dimly pale oval in the shadow of the ship's +side. But even then I could only barely make out down +there the shape of his black-haired head. However, it was +enough for the horrid, frost-bound sensation which +had gripped me about the chest to pass off. The mo- +ment of vain exclamations was past, too. I only climbed +on the spare spar and leaned over the rail as far as I +could, to bring my eyes nearer to that mystery floating +alongside. + +As he hung by the ladder, like a resting swimmer, +the sea lightning played about his limbs at every stir; and +he appeared in it ghastly, silvery, fishlike. He remained +as mute as a fish, too. He made no motion to get out of +the water, either. It was inconceivable that he should not +attempt to come on board, and strangely troubling to +suspect that perhaps he did not want to. And my first +words were prompted by just that troubled incertitude. + +"What's the matter?" I asked in my ordinary tone, +speaking down to the face upturned exactly under +mine. + +"Cramp," it answered, no louder. Then slightly anxious, +"I say, no need to call anyone." + +"I was not going to," I said. + +"Are you alone on deck?" + +"Yes." + +I had somehow the impression that he was on the +point of letting go the ladder to swim away beyond my +ken--mysterious as he came. But, for the moment, this +being appearing as if he had risen from the bottom of the +sea (it was certainly the nearest land to the ship) +wanted only to know the time. I told him. And he, down +there, tentatively: + +"I suppose your captain's turned in?" + +"I am sure he isn't," I said. + +He seemed to struggle with himself, for I heard +something like the low, bitter murmur of doubt. "What's +the good?" His next words came out with a hesitating +effort. + +"Look here, my man. Could you call him out quietly?" + +I thought the time Had come to declare myself. + +"I am the captain." + +I heard a "By Jove!" whispered at the level of the +water. The phosphorescence flashed in the swirl of the +water all about his limbs, his other hand seized the +ladder. + +"My name's Leggatt." + +The voice was calm and resolute. A good voice. The +self-possession of that man had somehow induced a cor- +responding state in myself. It was very quietly that I +remarked: + +"You must be a good swimmer." + +"Yes. I've been in the water practically since nine +o'clock. The question for me now is whether I am to let +go this ladder and go on swimming till I sink from ex- +haustion, or--to come on board here." + +I felt this was no mere formula of desperate speech, +but a real alternative in the view of a strong soul. I +should have gathered from this that he was young; +indeed, it is only the young who are ever confronted by +such clear issues. But at the time it was pure intuition +on my part. A mysterious communication was established +already between us two--in the face of that silent, +darkened tropical sea. I was young, too; young enough +to make no comment. The man in the water began +suddenly to climb up the ladder, and I hastened away +from the rail to fetch some clothes. + +Before entering the cabin I stood still, listening in +the lobby at the foot of the stairs. A faint snore came +through the closed door of the chief mate's room. The +second mate's door was on the hook, but the darkness +in there was absolutely soundless. He, too, was young and +could sleep like a stone. Remained the steward, but he +was not likely to wake up before he was called. I got a +sleeping suit out of my room and, coming back on deck, +saw the naked man from the sea sitting on the main +hatch, glimmering white in the darkness, his elbows on +his knees and his head in his hands. In a moment he had +concealed his damp body in a sleeping suit of the same +gray-stripe pattern as the one I was wearing and followed +me like my double on the poop. Together we moved +right aft, barefooted, silent. + +"What is it?" I asked in a deadened voice, taking the +lighted lamp out of the binnacle, and raising it to his +face. + +"An ugly business." + +He had rather regular features; a good mouth; light +eyes under somewhat heavy, dark eyebrows; a smooth, +square forehead; no growth on his cheeks; a small, brown +mustache, and a well-shaped, round chin. His expres- +sion was concentrated, meditative, under the inspecting +light of the lamp I held up to his face; such as a man +thinking hard in solitude might wear. My sleeping suit +was just right for his size. A well-knit young fellow of +twenty-five at most. He caught his lower lip with the edge +of white, even teeth. + +"Yes," I said, replacing the lamp in the binnacle. The +warm, heavy tropical night closed upon his head again. + +"There's a ship over there," he murmured. + +"Yes, I know. The Sephora. Did you know of us?" + +"Hadn't the slightest idea. I am the mate of her--" +He paused and corrected himself. "I should say I WAS." + +"Aha! Something wrong?" + +"Yes. Very wrong indeed. I've killed a man." + +"What do you mean? Just now?" + +"No, on the passage. Weeks ago. Thirty-nine south. +When I say a man--" + +"Fit of temper," I suggested, confidently. + +The shadowy, dark head, like mine, seemed to nod im- +perceptibly above the ghostly gray of my sleeping suit. It +was, in the night, as though I had been faced by my own +reflection in the depths of a somber and immense mirror. + +"A pretty thing to have to own up to for a Conway +boy," murmured my double, distinctly. + +"You're a Conway boy?" + +"I am," he said, as if startled. Then, slowly . . . "Per- +haps you too--" + +It was so; but being a couple of years older I had left +before he joined. After a quick interchange of dates a +silence fell; and I thought suddenly of my absurd mate +with his terrific whiskers and the "Bless my soul--you +don't say so" type of intellect. My double gave me an +inkling of his thoughts by saying: "My father's a parson +in Norfolk. Do you see me before a judge and jury on +that charge? For myself I can't see the necessity. There +are fellows that an angel from heaven-- And I am +not that. He was one of those creatures that are just +simmering all the time with a silly sort of wickedness. +Miserable devils that have no business to live at all. He +wouldn't do his duty and wouldn't let anybody else do +theirs. But what's the good of talking! You know well +enough the sort of ill-conditioned snarling cur--" + +He appealed to me as if our experiences had been as +identical as our clothes. And I knew well enough the +pestiferous danger of such a character where there are no +means of legal repression. And I knew well enough also +that my double there was no homicidal ruffian. I did not +think of asking him for details, and he told me the story +roughly in brusque, disconnected sentences. I needed no +more. I saw it all going on as though I were myself inside +that other sleeping suit. + +"It happened while we were setting a reefed foresail, at +dusk. Reefed foresail! You understand the sort of +weather. The only sail we had left to keep the ship run- +ning; so you may guess what it had been like for days. +Anxious sort of job, that. He gave me some of his cursed +insolence at the sheet. I tell you I was overdone with this +terrific weather that seemed to have no end to it. Terrific, +I tell you--and a deep ship. I believe the fellow himself +was half crazed with funk. It was no time for gentlemanly +reproof, so I turned round and felled him like an ox. He +up and at me. We closed just as an awful sea made for +the ship. All hands saw it coming and took to the rigging, +but I had him by the throat, and went on shaking him +like a rat, the men above us yelling, `Look out! look out!' +Then a crash as if the sky had fallen on my head. They +say that for over ten minutes hardly anything was to be +seen of the ship--just the three masts and a bit of the +forecastle head and of the poop all awash driving along +in a smother of foam. It was a miracle that they found us, +jammed together behind the forebitts. It's clear that I +meant business, because I was holding him by the throat +still when they picked us up. He was black in the face. It +was too much for them. It seems they rushed us aft to- +gether, gripped as we were, screaming `Murder!' like a lot +of lunatics, and broke into the cuddy. And the ship run- +ning for her life, touch and go all the time, any minute her +last in a sea fit to turn your hair gray only a-looking at +it. I understand that the skipper, too, started raving like +the rest of them. The man had been deprived of sleep for +more than a week, and to have this sprung on him at +the height of a furious gale nearly drove him out of his +mind. I wonder they didn't fling me overboard after get- +ting the carcass of their precious shipmate out of my +fingers. They had rather a job to separate us, I've been +told. A sufficiently fierce story to make an old judge and +a respectable jury sit up a bit. The first thing I heard +when I came to myself was the maddening howling of that +endless gale, and on that the voice of the old man. He +was hanging on to my bunk, staring into my face out of +his sou'wester. + +"`Mr. Leggatt, you have killed a man. You can act no +longer as chief mate of this ship.'" + +His care to subdue his voice made it sound monot- +onous. He rested a hand on the end of the skylight to +steady himself with, and all that time did not stir a +limb, so far as I could see. "Nice little tale for a quiet tea +party," he concluded in the same tone. + +One of my hands, too, rested on the end of the skylight; +neither did I stir a limb, so far as I knew. We stood less +than a foot from each other. It occurred to me that if old +"Bless my soul--you don't say so" were to put his head +up the companion and catch sight of us, he would think +he was seeing double, or imagine himself come upon a +scene of weird witchcraft; the strange captain having a +quiet confabulation by the wheel with his own gray ghost. +I became very much concerned to prevent anything of +the sort. I heard the other's soothing undertone. + +"My father's a parson in Norfolk," it said. Evidently +he had forgotten he had told me this important fact be- +fore. Truly a nice little tale. + +"You had better slip down into my stateroom now," I +said, moving off stealthily. My double followed my move- +ments; our bare feet made no sound; I let him in, closed +the door with care, and, after giving a call to the second +mate, returned on deck for my relief. + +"Not much sign of any wind yet," I remarked when he +approached. + +"No, sir. Not much," he assented, sleepily, in his hoarse +voice, with just enough deference, no more, and barely +suppressing a yawn. + +"Well, that's all you have to look out for. You have +got your orders." + +"Yes, sir." + +I paced a turn or two on the poop and saw him take +up his position face forward with his elbow in the ratlines +of the mizzen rigging before I went below. The mate's +faint snoring was still going on peacefully. The cuddy +lamp was burning over the table on which stood a vase +with flowers, a polite attention from the ship's provision +merchant--the last flowers we should see for the next +three months at the very least. Two bunches of bananas +hung from the beam symmetrically, one on each side of +the rudder casing. Everything was as before in the ship-- +except that two of her captain's sleeping suits were si- +multaneously in use, one motionless in the cuddy, the +other keeping very still in the captain's stateroom. + +It must be explained here that my cabin had the form +of the capital letter L, the door being within the angle +and opening into the short part of the letter. A couch +was to the left, the bed place to the right; my writing +desk and the chronometers' table faced the door. But +anyone opening it, unless he stepped right inside, had no +view of what I call the long (or vertical) part of the +letter. It contained some lockers surmounted by a book- +case; and a few clothes, a thick jacket or two, caps, oil- +skin coat, and such like, hung on hooks. There was at the +bottom of that part a door opening into my bathroom, +which could be entered also directly from the saloon. But +that way was never used. + +The mysterious arrival had discovered the advantage +of this particular shape. Entering my room, lighted +strongly by a big bulkhead lamp swung on gimbals above +my writing desk, I did not see him anywhere till he +stepped out quietly from behind the coats hung in the +recessed part. + +"I heard somebody moving about, and went in there at +once," he whispered. + +I, too, spoke under my breath. + +"Nobody is likely to come in here without knocking +and getting permission." + +He nodded. His face was thin and the sunburn faded, +as though he had been ill. And no wonder. He had been, +I heard presently, kept under arrest in his cabin for +nearly seven weeks. But there was nothing sickly in his +eyes or in his expression. He was not a bit like me, really; +yet, as we stood leaning over my bed place, whispering +side by side, with our dark heads together and our backs +to the door, anybody bold enough to open it stealthily +would have been treated to the uncanny sight of a double +captain busy talking in whispers with his other self. + +"But all this doesn't tell me how you came to hang on +to our side ladder," I inquired, in the hardly audible +murmurs we used, after he had told me something more +of the proceedings on board the Sephora once the bad +weather was over. + +"When we sighted Java Head I had had time to think +all those matters out several times over. I had six weeks +of doing nothing else, and with only an hour or so every +evening for a tramp on the quarter-deck." + +He whispered, his arms folded on the side of my bed +place, staring through the open port. And I could imagine +perfectly the manner of this thinking out--a stubborn if +not a steadfast operation; something of which I should +have been perfectly incapable. + +"I reckoned it would be dark before we closed with the +land," he continued, so low that I had to strain my hear- +ing near as we were to each other, shoulder touching +shoulder almost. "So I asked to speak to the old man. +He always seemed very sick when he came to see me-- +as if he could not look me in the face. You know, that +foresail saved the ship. She was too deep to have run +long under bare poles. And it was I that managed to set +it for him. Anyway, he came. When I had him in my +cabin--he stood by the door looking at me as if I had +the halter round my neck already--I asked him right +away to leave my cabin door unlocked at night while +the ship was going through Sunda Straits. There would +be the Java coast within two or three miles, off Angier +Point. I wanted nothing more. I've had a prize for swim- +ming my second year in the Conway." + +"I can believe it," I breathed out. + +"God only knows why they locked me in every night. +To see some of their faces you'd have thought they were +afraid I'd go about at night strangling people. Am I a +murdering brute? Do I look it? By Jove! If I had been he +wouldn't have trusted himself like that into my room. +You'll say I might have chucked him aside and bolted out, +there and then--it was dark already. Well, no. And for +the same reason I wouldn't think of trying to smash the +door. There would have been a rush to stop me at the +noise, and I did not mean to get into a confounded +scrimmage. Somebody else might have got killed--for I +would not have broken out only to get chucked back, and +I did not want any more of that work. He refused, look- +ing more sick than ever. He was afraid of the men, and +also of that old second mate of his who had been sailing +with him for years--a gray-headed old humbug; and his +steward, too, had been with him devil knows how long-- +seventeen years or more--a dogmatic sort of loafer who +hated me like poison, just because I was the chief mate. +No chief mate ever made more than one voyage in the +Sephora, you know. Those two old chaps ran the ship. +Devil only knows what the skipper wasn't afraid of (all +his nerve went to pieces altogether in that hellish spell of +bad weather we had)--of what the law would do to him +--of his wife, perhaps. Oh, yes! she's on board. Though +I don't think she would have meddled. She would have +been only too glad to have me out of the ship in any +way. The `brand of Cain' business, don't you see. That's +all right. I was ready enough to go off wandering on the +face of the earth--and that was price enough to pay for +an Abel of that sort. Anyhow, he wouldn't listen to me. +'This thing must take its course. I represent the law +here.' He was shaking like a leaf. `So you won't?' `No!' +'Then I hope you will be able to sleep on that,' I said, and +turned my back on him. `I wonder that you can,' cries he, +and locks the door. + +"Well after that, I couldn't. Not very well. That was +three weeks ago. We have had a slow passage through the +Java Sea; drifted about Carimata for ten days. When we +anchored here they thought, I suppose, it was all right. +The nearest land (and that's five miles) is the ship's +destination; the consul would soon set about catching +me; and there would have been no object in bolding to +these islets there. I don't suppose there's a drop of water +on them. I don't know how it was, but tonight that +steward, after bringing me my supper, went out to let +me eat it, and left the door unlocked. And I ate it--all +there was, too. After I had finished I strolled out on the +quarter-deck. I don't know that I meant to do anything. +A breath of fresh air was all I wanted, I believe. Then a +sudden temptation came over me. I kicked off my slip- +pers and was in the water before I had made up my +mind fairly. Somebody heard the splash and they raised +an awful hullabaloo. `He's gone! Lower the boats! He's +committed suicide! No, he's swimming.' Certainly I was +swimming. It's not so easy for a swimmer like me to +commit suicide by drowning. I landed on the nearest islet +before the boat left the ship's side. I heard them pulling +about in the dark, hailing, and so on, but after a bit they +gave up. Everything quieted down and the anchorage be- +came still as death. I sat down on a stone and began +to think. I felt certain they would start searching for me +at daylight. There was no place to hide on those stony +things--and if there had been, what would have been +the good? But now I was clear of that ship, I was not +going back. So after a while I took off all my clothes, tied +them up in a bundle with a stone inside, and dropped +them in the deep water on the outer side of that islet. +That was suicide enough for me. Let them think what +they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to +swim till I sank--but that's not the same thing. I struck +out for another of these little islands, and it was from +that one that I first saw your riding light. Something to +swim for. I went on easily, and on the way I came upon +a flat rock a foot or two above water. In the daytime, I +dare say, you might make it out with a glass from your +poop. I scrambled up on it and rested myself for a bit. +Then I made another start. That last spell must have been +over a mile." + +His whisper was getting fainter and fainter, and all the +time he stared straight out through the porthole, in which +there was not even a star to be seen. I had not interrupted +him. There was something that made comment impossible +in his narrative, or perhaps in himself; a sort of feeling, a +quality, which I can't find a name for. And when he +ceased, all I found was a futile whisper: "So you swam +for our light?" + +"Yes--straight for it. It was something to swim for. I +couldn't see any stars low down because the coast was in +the way, and I couldn't see the land, either. The water +was like glass. One might have been swimming in a con- +founded thousand-feet deep cistern with no place for +scrambling out anywhere; but what I didn't like was the +notion of swimming round and round like a crazed bullock +before I gave out; and as I didn't mean to go back. . . No. +Do you see me being hauled back, stark naked, off one of +these little islands by the scruff of the neck and fighting +like a wild beast? Somebody would have got killed for +certain, and I did not want any of that. So I went on. +Then your ladder--" + +"Why didn't you hail the ship?" I asked, a little louder. + +He touched my shoulder lightly. Lazy footsteps came +right over our heads and stopped. The second mate had +crossed from the other side of the poop and might have +been hanging over the rail for all we knew. + +"He couldn't hear us talking--could he?" My double +breathed into my very ear, anxiously. + +His anxiety was in answer, a sufficient answer, to the +question I had put to him. An answer containing all the +difficulty of that situation. I closed the porthole quietly, to +make sure. A louder word might have been overheard. + +"Who's that?" he whispered then. + +"My second mate. But I don't know much more of the +fellow than you do." + +And I told him a little about myself. I had been ap- +pointed to take charge while I least expected anything of +the sort, not quite a fortnight ago. I didn't know either +the ship or the people. Hadn't had the time in port to +look about me or size anybody up. And as to the crew, +all they knew was that I was appointed to take the ship +home. For the rest, I was almost as much of a stranger on +board as himself, I said. And at the moment I felt it +most acutely. I felt that it would take very little to make +me a suspect person in the eyes of the ship's company. + +He had turned about meantime; and we, the two +strangers in the ship, faced each other in identical atti- +tudes. + +"Your ladder--" he murmured, after a silence. +"Who'd have thought of finding a ladder hanging over at +night in a ship anchored out here! I felt just then a very +unpleasant faintness. After the life I've been leading for +nine weeks, anybody would have got out of condition. I +wasn't capable of swimming round as far as your rudder +chains. And, lo and behold! there was a ladder to get +hold of. After I gripped it I said to myself, `What's the +good?' When I saw a man's head looking over I thought +I would swim away presently and leave him shouting--in +whatever language it was. I didn't mind being looked at. +I--I liked it. And then you speaking to me so quietly-- +as if you had expected me--made me hold on a little +longer. It had been a confounded lonely time--I don't +mean while swimming. I was glad to talk a little to some- +body that didn't belong to the Sephora. As to asking for +the captain, that was a mere impulse. It could have been +no use, with all the ship knowing about me and the other +people pretty certain to be round here in the morning. I +don't know--I wanted to be seen, to talk with somebody, +before I went on. I don't know what I would have +said. . . . `Fine night, isn't it?' or something of the sort." + +"Do you think they will be round here presently?" I +asked with some incredulity. + +"Quite likely," he said, faintly. + +"He looked extremely haggard all of a sudden. His head +rolled on his shoulders. + +"H'm. We shall see then. Meantime get into that +bed," I whispered. "Want help? There." + +It was a rather high bed place with a set of drawers +underneath. This amazing swimmer really needed the lift +I gave him by seizing his leg. He tumbled in, rolled over +on his back, and flung one arm across his eyes. And then, +with his face nearly hidden, he must have looked exactly +as I used to look in that bed. I gazed upon my other self +for a while before drawing across carefully the two green +serge curtains which ran on a brass rod. I thought for a +moment of pinning them together for greater safety, but +I sat down on the couch, and once there I felt unwilling to +rise and hunt for a pin. I would do it in a moment. I was +extremely tired, in a peculiarly intimate way, by the strain +of stealthiness, by the effort of whispering and the +general secrecy of this excitement. It was three o'clock by +now and I had been on my feet since nine, but I was not +sleepy; I could not have gone to sleep. I sat there, fagged +out, looking at the curtains, trying to clear my mind of +the confused sensation of being in two places at once, +and greatly bothered by an exasperating knocking in my +head. It was a relief to discover suddenly that it was not +in my head at all, but on the outside of the door. Before +I could collect myself the words "Come in" were out of +my mouth, and the steward entered with a tray, bringing +in my morning coffee. I had slept, after all, and I was so +frightened that I shouted, "This way! I am here, stew- +ard," as though he had been miles away. He put down the +tray on the table next the couch and only then said, +very quietly, "I can see you are here, sir." I felt him give +me a keen look, but I dared not meet his eyes just then. +He must have wondered why I had drawn the curtains of +my bed before going to sleep on the couch. He went out, +hooking the door open as usual. + +I heard the crew washing decks above me. I knew I +would have been told at once if there had been any +wind. Calm, I thought, and I was doubly vexed. Indeed, +I felt dual more than ever. The steward reappeared sud- +denly in the doorway. I jumped up from the couch so +quickly that he gave a start. + +"What do you want here?" + +"Close your port, sir--they are washing decks." + +"It is closed," I said, reddening. + +"Very well, sir." But he did not move from the door- +way and returned my stare in an extraordinary, equivocal +manner for a time. Then his eyes wavered, all his ex- +pression changed, and in a voice unusually gentle, al- +most coaxingly: + +"May I come in to take the empty cup away, sir?" + +"Of course!" I turned my back on him while he popped +in and out. Then I unhooked and closed the door and +even pushed the bolt. This sort of thing could not go on +very long. The cabin was as hot as an oven, too. I took a +peep at my double, and discovered that he had not +moved, his arm was still over his eyes; but his chest +heaved; his hair was wet; his chin glistened with perspira- +tion. I reached over him and opened the port. + +"I must show myself on deck," I reflected. + +Of course, theoretically, I could do what I liked, with +no one to say nay to me within the whole circle of the +horizon; but to lock my cabin door and take the key +away I did not dare. Directly I put my head out of the +companion I saw the group of my two officers, the +second mate barefooted, the chief mate in long India- +rubber boots, near the break of the poop, and the steward +halfway down the poop ladder talking to them eagerly. +He happened to catch sight of me and dived, the second +ran down on the main-deck shouting some order or other, +and the chief mate came to meet me, touching his cap. + +There was a sort of curiosity in his eye that I did not +like. I don't know whether the steward had told them +that I was "queer" only, or downright drunk, but I know +the man meant to have a good look at me. I watched him +coming with a smile which, as he got into point-blank +range, took effect and froze his very whiskers. I did not +give him time to open his lips. + +"Square the yards by lifts and braces before the hands +go to breakfast." + +It was the first particular order I had given on board +that ship; and I stayed on deck to see it executed, too. I +had felt the need of asserting myself without loss of time. +That sneering young cub got taken down a peg or two +on that occasion, and I also seized the opportunity of +having a good look at the face of every foremast man as +they filed past me to go to the after braces. At breakfast +time, eating nothing myself, I presided with such frigid +dignity that the two mates were only too glad to escape +from the cabin as soon as decency permitted; and all +the time the dual working of my mind distracted me al- +most to the point of insanity. I was constantly watching +myself, my secret self, as dependent on my actions as my +own personality, sleeping in that bed, behind that door +which faced me as I sat at the head of the table. It was +very much like being mad, only it was worse because one +was aware of it. + +I had to shake him for a solid minute, but when at last +he opened his eyes it was in the full possession of his +senses, with an inquiring look. + +"All's well so far," I whispered. "Now you must vanish +into the bathroom." + +He did so, as noiseless as a ghost, and then I rang for +the steward, and facing him boldly, directed him to tidy +up my stateroom while I was having my bath--"and be +quick about it." As my tone admitted of no excuses, he +said, "Yes, sir," and ran off to fetch his dustpan and +brushes. I took a bath and did most of my dressing, +splashing, and whistling softly for the steward's edifica- +tion, while the secret sharer of my life stood drawn up +bolt upright in that little space, his face looking very +sunken in daylight, his eyelids lowered under the stern, +dark line of his eyebrows drawn together by a slight +frown. + +When I left him there to go back to my room the +steward was finishing dusting. I sent for the mate and en- +gaged him in some insignificant conversation. It was, as it +were, trifling with the terrific character of his whiskers; +but my object was to give him an opportunity for a good +look at my cabin. And then I could at last shut, with a +clear conscience, the door of my stateroom and get my +double back into the recessed part. There was nothing +else for it. He had to sit still on a small folding stool, half +smothered by the heavy coats hanging there. We listened +to the steward going into the bathroom out of the saloon, +filling the water bottles there, scrubbing the bath, setting +things to rights, whisk, bang, clatter--out again into the +saloon--turn the key--click. Such was my scheme for +keeping my second self invisible. Nothing better could be +contrived under the circumstances. And there we sat; I +at my writing desk ready to appear busy with some +papers, he behind me out of sight of the door. It would +not have been prudent to talk in daytime; and I could +not have stood the excitement of that queer sense of +whispering to myself. Now and then, glancing over my +shoulder, I saw him far back there, sitting rigidly on the +low stool, his bare feet close together, his arms folded, +his head hanging on his breast--and perfectly still. Any- +body would have taken him for me. + +I was fascinated by it myself. Every moment I had to +glance over my shoulder. I was looking at him when a +voice outside the door said: + +"Beg pardon, sir." + +"Well! . . . I kept my eyes on him, and so when the +voice outside the door announced, "There's a ship's boat +coming our way, sir," I saw him give a start--the first +movement he had made for hours. But he did not raise +his bowed head. + +"All right. Get the ladder over." + +I hesitated. Should I whisper something to him? But +what? His immobility seemed to have been never dis- +turbed. What could I tell him he did not know already? +. . . Finally I went on deck. + + + +II + +The skipper of the Sephora had a thin red whisker all +round his face, and the sort of complexion that goes with +hair of that color; also the particular, rather smeary +shade of blue in the eyes. He was not exactly a showy +figure; his shoulders were high, his stature but middling-- +one leg slightly more bandy than the other. He shook +hands, looking vaguely around. A spiritless tenacity was +his main characteristic, I judged. I behaved with a polite- +ness which seemed to disconcert him. Perhaps he was +shy. He mumbled to me as if he were ashamed of what +he was saying; gave his name (it was something like +Archbold--but at this distance of years I hardly am +sure), his ship's name, and a few other particulars of +that sort, in the manner of a criminal making a reluctant +and doleful confession. He had had terrible weather on +the passage out--terrible--terrible--wife aboard, too. + +By this time we were seated in the cabin and the stew- +ard brought in a tray with a bottle and glasses. "Thanks! +No." Never took liquor. Would have some water, though. +He drank two tumblerfuls. Terrible thirsty work. Ever +since daylight had been exploring the islands round his +ship. + +"What was that for--fun?" I asked, with an appearance +of polite interest. + +"No!" He sighed. "Painful duty." + +As he persisted in his mumbling and I wanted my +double to hear every word, I hit upon the notion of in- +forming him that I regretted to say I was hard of hearing. + +"Such a young man, too!" he nodded, keeping his +smeary blue, unintelligent eyes fastened upon me. "What +was the cause of it--some disease?" he inquired, without +the least sympathy and as if he thought that, if so, I'd +got no more than I deserved. + +"Yes; disease," I admitted in a cheerful tone which +seemed to shock him. But my point was gained, because +he had to raise his voice to give me his tale. It is not +worth while to record his version. It was just over two +months since all this had happened, and he had thought +so much about it that he seemed completely muddled as +to its bearings, but still immensely impressed. + +"What would you think of such a thing happening on +board your own ship? I've had the Sephora for these +fifteen years. I am a well-known shipmaster." + +He was densely distressed--and perhaps I should have +sympathized with him if I had been able to detach my +mental vision from the unsuspected sharer of my cabin +as though he were my second self. There he was on the +other side of the bulkhead, four or five feet from us, no +more, as we sat in the saloon. I looked politely at Captain +Archbold (if that was his name), but it was the other I +saw, in a gray sleeping suit, seated on a low stool, his +bare feet close together, his arms folded, and every word +said between us falling into the ears of his dark head +bowed on his chest. + +"I have been at sea now, man and boy, for seven-and- +thirty years, and I've never heard of such a thing hap- +pening in an English ship. And that it should be my ship. +Wife on board, too." + +I was hardly listening to him. + +"Don't you think," I said, "that the heavy sea which, +you told me, came aboard just then might have killed +the man? I have seen the sheer weight of a sea kill a +man very neatly, by simply breaking his neck." + +"Good God!" he uttered, impressively, fixing his smeary +blue eyes on me. "The sea! No man killed by the sea ever +looked like that." He seemed positively scandalized at my +suggestion. And as I gazed at him certainly not prepared +for anything original on his part, he advanced his head +close to mine and thrust his tongue out at me so suddenly +that I couldn't help starting back. + +After scoring over my calmness in this graphic way +he nodded wisely. If I had seen the sight, he assured me, I +would never forget it as long as I lived. The weather was +too bad to give the corpse a proper sea burial. So next +day at dawn they took it up on the poop, covering its +face with a bit of bunting; he read a short prayer, and +then, just as it was, in its oilskins and long boots, they +launched it amongst those mountainous seas that seemed +ready every moment to swallow up the ship herself and +the terrified lives on board of her. + +"That reefed foresail saved you," I threw in. + +"Under God--it did," he exclaimed fervently. "It was +by a special mercy, I firmly believe, that it stood some of +those hurricane squalls." + +"It was the setting of that sail which--" I began. + +"God's own hand in it," he interrupted me. "Nothing +less could have done it. I don't mind telling you that I +hardly dared give the order. It seemed impossible that +we could touch anything without losing it, and then our +last hope would have been gone." + +The terror of that gale was on him yet. I let him go on +for a bit, then said, casually--as if returning to a minor +subject: + +"You were very anxious to give up your mate to the +shore people, I believe?" + +He was. To the law. His obscure tenacity on that point +had in it something incomprehensible and a little awful; +something, as it were, mystical, quite apart from his +anxiety that he should not be suspected of "counte- +nancing any doings of that sort." Seven-and-thirty virtu- +ous years at sea, of which over twenty of immaculate +command, and the last fifteen in the Sephora, seemed to +have laid him under some pitiless obligation. + +"And you know," he went on, groping shame-facedly +amongst his feelings, "I did not engage that young fellow. +His people had some interest with my owners. I was in a +way forced to take him on. He looked very smart, very +gentlemanly, and all that. But do you know--I never +liked him, somehow. I am a plain man. You see, he wasn't +exactly the sort for the chief mate of a ship like the +Sephora." + +I had become so connected in thoughts and impressions +with the secret sharer of my cabin that I felt as if I, per- +sonally, were being given to understand that I, too, was +not the sort that would have done for the chief mate of a +ship like the Sephora. I had no doubt of it in my mind. + +"Not at all the style of man. You understand," he in- +sisted, superfluously, looking hard at me. + +I smiled urbanely. He seemed at a loss for a while. + +"I suppose I must report a suicide." + +"Beg pardon?" + +"Sui-cide! That's what I'll have to write to my owners +directly I get in." + +"Unless you manage to recover him before tomorrow," +I assented, dispassionately. . . . "I mean, alive." + +He mumbled something which I really did not catch, +and I turned my ear to him in a puzzled manner. He fairly +bawled: + +"The land--I say, the mainland is at least seven miles +off my anchorage." + +"About that." + +My lack of excitement, of curiosity, of surprise, of any +sort of pronounced interest, began to arouse his distrust. +But except for the felicitous pretense of deafness I had +not tried to pretend anything. I had felt utterly incapable +of playing the part of ignorance properly, and therefore +was afraid to try. It is also certain that he had brought +some ready-made suspicions with him, and that he viewed +my politeness as a strange and unnatural phenomenon. +And yet how else could I have received him? Not +heartily! That was impossible for psychological reasons, +which I need not state here. My only object was to keep +off his inquiries. Surlily? Yes, but surliness might have +provoked a point-blank question. From its novelty to +him and from its nature, punctilious courtesy was the +manner best calculated to restrain the man. But there +was the danger of his breaking through my defense +bluntly. I could not, I think, have met him by a direct +lie, also for psychological (not moral) reasons. If he +had only known how afraid I was of his putting my feel- +ing of identity with the other to the test! But, strangely +enough--(I thought of it only afterwards)--I believe that +he was not a little disconcerted by the reverse side of that +weird situation, by something in me that reminded him of +the man he was seeking--suggested a mysterious simili- +tude to the young fellow he had distrusted and disliked +from the first. + +However that might have been, the silence was not +very prolonged. He took another oblique step. + +"I reckon I had no more than a two-mile pull to your +ship. Not a bit more." + +"And quite enough, too, in this awful heat," I said. + +Another pause full of mistrust followed. Necessity, they +say, is mother of invention, but fear, too, is not barren of +ingenious suggestions. And I was afraid he would ask me +point-blank for news of my other self. + +"Nice little saloon, isn't it?" I remarked, as if noticing +for the first time the way his eyes roamed from one +closed door to the other. "And very well fitted out, too. +Here, for instance," I continued, reaching over the back +of my seat negligently and flinging the door open, "is my +bathroom." + +He made an eager movement, but hardly gave it a +glance. I got up, shut the door of the bathroom, and in- +vited him to have a look round, as if I were very proud +of my accomodation. He had to rise and be shown +round, but he went through the business without any +raptures whatever. + +"And now we'll have a look at my stateroom," I de- +clared, in a voice as loud as I dared to make it, crossing +the cabin to the starboard side with purposely heavy +steps. + +He followed me in and gazed around. My intelligent +double had vanished. I played my part. + +"Very convenient--isn't it?" + +Very nice. Very comf . . ." He didn't finish and went +out brusquely as if to escape from some unrighteous wiles +of mine. But it was not to be. I had been too frightened +not to feel vengeful; I felt I had him on the run, and I +meant to keep him on the run. My polite insistence must +have had something menacing in it, because he gave in +suddenly. And I did not let him off a single item; mate's +room, pantry, storerooms, the very sail locker which +was also under the poop--he had to look into them all. +When at last I showed him out on the quarter-deck he +drew a long, spiritless sigh, and mumbled dismally that +he must really be going back to his ship now. I desired +my mate, who had joined us, to see to the captain's boat. + +The man of whiskers gave a blast on the whistle which +he used to wear hanging round his neck, and yelled, +"Sephora's away!" My double down there in my cabin +must have heard, and certainly could not feel more re- +lieved than I. Four fellows came running out from some- +where forward and went over the side, while my own +men, appearing on deck too, lined the rail. I escorted my +visitor to the gangway ceremoniously, and nearly overdid +it. He was a tenacious beast. On the very ladder he +lingered, and in that unique, guiltily conscientious man- +ner of sticking to the point: + +"I say . . . you . . . you don't think that--" + +I covered his voice loudly: + +"Certainly not. . . . I am delighted. Good-by." + +I had an idea of what he meant to say, and just saved +myself by the privilege of defective hearing. He was too +shaken generally to insist, but my mate, close witness of +that parting, looked mystified and his face took on a +thoughtful cast. As I did not want to appear as if I +wished to avoid all communication with my officers, he +had the opportunity to address me. + +"Seems a very nice man. His boat's crew told our chaps +a very extraordinary story, if what I am told by the +steward is true. I suppose you had it from the captain, +sir?" + +"Yes. I had a story from the captain." + +"A very horrible affair--isn't it, sir?" + +"It is." + +"Beats all these tales we hear about murders in Yankee +ships." + +"I don't think it beats them. I don't think it resembles +them in the least." + +"Bless my soul--you don't say so! But of course I've no +acquaintance whatever with American ships, not I so I +couldn't go against your knowledge. It's horrible enough +for me. . . . But the queerest part is that those fellows +seemed to have some idea the man was hidden aboard +here. They had really. Did you ever hear of such a thing?" + +"Preposterous--isn't it?" + +We were walking to and fro athwart the quarter-deck. +No one of the crew forward could be seen (the day was +Sunday), and the mate pursued: + +"There was some little dispute about it. Our chaps +took offense. `As if we would harbor a thing like that,' +they said. `Wouldn't you like to look for him in our coal- +hole?' Quite a tiff. But they made it up in the end. I +suppose he did drown himself. Don't you, sir?" + +"I don't suppose anything." + +"You have no doubt in the matter, sir?" + +"None whatever." + +I left him suddenly. I felt I was producing a bad im- +pression, but with my double down there it was most try- +ing to be on deck. And it was almost as trying to be +below. Altogether a nerve-trying situation. But on the +whole I felt less torn in two when I was with him. There +was no one in the whole ship whom I dared take into my +confidence. Since the hands had got to know his story, +it would have been impossible to pass him off for anyone +else, and an accidental discovery was to be dreaded now +more than ever. . . . + +The steward being engaged in laying the table for din- +ner, we could talk only with our eyes when I first went +down. Later in the afternoon we had a cautious try at +whispering. The Sunday quietness of the ship was against +us; the stillness of air and water around her was against +us; the elements, the men were against us--everything +was against us in our secret partnership; time itself--for +this could not go on forever. The very trust in Providence +was, I suppose, denied to his guilt. Shall I confess that +this thought cast me down very much? And as to the +chapter of accidents which counts for so much in the +book of success, I could only hope that it was closed. For +what favorable accident could be expected? + +"Did you hear everything?" were my first words as +soon as we took up our position side by side, leaning +over my bed place. + +He had. And the proof of it was his earnest whisper, +"The man told you he hardly dared to give the order." + +I understood the reference to be to that saving foresail. + +"Yes. He was afraid of it being lost in the setting." + +"I assure you he never gave the order. He may think he +did, but he never gave it. He stood there with me on the +break of the poop after the main topsail blew away, and +whimpered about our last hope--positively whimpered +about it and nothing else--and the night coming on! To +hear one's skipper go on like that in such weather was +enough to drive any fellow out of his mind. It worked me +up into a sort of desperation. I just took it into my own +hands and went away from him, boiling, and-- But +what's the use telling you? YOU know! . . . Do you think +that if I had not been pretty fierce with them I should +have got the men to do anything? Not It! The bo's'n per- +haps? Perhaps! It wasn't a heavy sea--it was a sea gone +mad! I suppose the end of the world will be something +like that; and a man may have the heart to see it coming +once and be done with it--but to have to face it day +after day-- I don't blame anybody. I was precious little +better than the rest. Only--I was an officer of that old +coal wagon, anyhow--" + +"I quite understand," I conveyed that sincere assurance +into his ear. He was out of breath with whispering; I +could hear him pant slightly. It was all very simple. The +same strung-up force which had given twenty-four men a +chance, at least, for their lives, had, in a sort of recoil, +crushed an unworthy mutinous existence. + +But I had no leisure to weigh the merits of the matter-- +footsteps in the saloon, a heavy knock. "There's enough +wind to get under way with, sir." Here was the call of a +new claim upon my thoughts and even upon my feelings. + +"Turn the hands up," I cried through the door. "I'll be +on deck directly." + +I was going out to make the acquaintance of my ship. +Before I left the cabin our eyes met--the eyes of the only +two strangers on board. I pointed to the recessed part +where the little campstool awaited him and laid my finger +on my lips. He made a gesture--somewhat vague--a little +mysterious, accompanied by a faint smile, as if of regret. + +This is not the place to enlarge upon the sensations of a +man who feels for the first time a ship move under his +feet to his own independent word. In my case they were +not unalloyed. I was not wholly alone with my command; +for there was that stranger in my cabin. Or rather, I was +not completely and wholly with her. Part of me was +absent. That mental feeling of being in two places at +once affected me physically as if the mood of secrecy had +penetrated my very soul. Before an hour had elapsed +since the ship had begun to move, having occasion to +ask the mate (he stood by my side) to take a compass +bearing of the pagoda, I caught myself reaching up to +his ear in whispers. I say I caught myself, but enough had +escaped to startle the man. I can't describe it otherwise +than by saying that he shied. A grave, preoccupied man- +ner, as though he were in possession of some perplexing +intelligence, did not leave him henceforth. A little later I +moved away from the rail to look at the compass with +such a stealthy gait that the helmsman noticed it-- +and I could not help noticing the unusual roundness of +his eyes. These are trifling instances, though it's to no +commander's advantage to be suspected of ludicrous ec- +centricities. But I was also more seriously affected. There +are to a seaman certain words, gestures, that should in +given conditions come as naturally, as instinctively as the +winking of a menaced eye. A certain order should spring +on to his lips without thinking; a certain sign should get +itself made, so to speak, without reflection. But all uncon- +scious alertness had abandoned me. I had to make an +effort of will to recall myself back (from the cabin) to the +conditions of the moment. I felt that I was appearing an +irresolute commander to those people who were watching +me more or less critically. + +And, besides, there were the scares. On the second +day out, for instance, coming off the deck in the afternoon +(I had straw slippers on my bare feet) I stopped at the +open pantry door and spoke to the steward. He was doing +something there with his back to me. At the sound of my +voice he nearly jumped out of his skin, as the saying is, +and incidentally broke a cup. + +"What on earth's the matter with you?" I asked, as- +tonished. + +He was extremely confused. "Beg your pardon, sir. I +made sure you were in your cabin." + +"You see I wasn't." + +"No, sir. I could have sworn I had heard you moving +in there not a moment ago. It's most extraordinary . . . +very sorry, sir." + +I passed on with an inward shudder. I was so identified +with my secret double that I did not even mention the +fact in those scanty, fearful whispers we exchanged. I +suppose he had made some slight noise of some kind or +other. It would have been miraculous if he hadn't at one +time or another. And yet, haggard as he appeared, he +looked always perfectly self-controlled, more than calm-- +almost invulnerable. On my suggestion he remained al- +most entirely in the bathroom, which, upon the whole, +was the safest place. There could be really no shadow of +an excuse for anyone ever wanting to go in there, once +the steward had done with it. It was a very tiny place. +Sometimes he reclined on the floor, his legs bent, his head +sustained on one elbow. At others I would find him on +the campstool, sitting in his gray sleeping suit and with +his cropped dark hair like a patient, unmoved convict. At +night I would smuggle him into my bed place, and we +would whisper together, with the regular footfalls of the +officer of the watch passing and repassing over our heads. +It was an infinitely miserable time. It was lucky that +some tins of fine preserves were stowed in a locker in my +stateroom; hard bread I could always get hold of; and so +he lived on stewed chicken, PATE DE FOIE GRAS, aspara- +gus, cooked oysters, sardines--on all sorts of abominable +sham delicacies out of tins. My early-morning coffee he +always drank; and it was all I dared do for him in that +respect. + +Every day there was the horrible maneuvering to go +through so that my room and then the bathroom should +be done in the usual way. I came to hate the sight of the +steward, to abhor the voice of that harmless man. I felt +that it was he who would bring on the disaster of dis- +covery. It hung like a sword over our heads. + +The fourth day out, I think (we were then working +down the east side of the Gulf of Siam, tack for tack, in +light winds and smooth water)--the fourth day, I say, of +this miserable juggling with the unavoidable, as we sat at +our evening meal, that man, whose slightest movement I +dreaded, after putting down the dishes ran up on deck +busily. This could not be dangerous. Presently he came +down again; and then it appeared that he had remembered +a coat of mine which I had thrown over a rail to dry +after having been wetted in a shower which had passed +over the ship in the afternoon. Sitting stolidly at the head +of the table I became terrified at the sight of the garment +on his arm. Of course he made for my door. There was +no time to lose. + +"Steward," I thundered. My nerves were so shaken +that I could not govern my voice and conceal my agita- +tion. This was the sort of thing that made my terrifically +whiskered mate tap his forehead with his forefinger. I +had detected him using that gesture while talking on deck +with a confidential air to the carpenter. It was too far to +hear a word, but I had no doubt that this pantomime +could only refer to the strange new captain. + +"Yes, sir," the pale-faced steward turned resignedly to +me. It was this maddening course of being shouted at, +checked without rhyme or reason, arbitrarily chased out +of my cabin, suddenly called into it, sent flying out of his +pantry on incomprehensible errands, that accounted for +the growing wretchedness of his expression. + +"Where are you going with that coat?" + +"To your room, sir." + +"Is there another shower coming?" + +"I'm sure I don't know, sir. Shall I go up again and +see, sir?" + +"No! never mind." + +My object was attained, as of course my other self in +there would have heard everything that passed. During +this interlude my two officers never raised their eyes off +their respective plates; but the lip of that confounded +cub, the second mate, quivered visibly. + +I expected the steward to hook my coat on and come +out at once. He was very slow about it; but I dominated +my nervousness sufficiently not to shout after him. Sud- +denly I became aware (it could be heard plainly enough) +that the fellow for some reason or other was opening the +door of the bathroom. It was the end. The place was +literally not big enough to swing a cat in. My voice died +in my throat and I went stony all over. I expected to +hear a yell of surprise and terror, and made a movement, +but had not the strength to get on my legs. Everything +remained still. Had my second self taken the poor wretch +by the throat? I don't know what I could have done next +moment if I had not seen the steward come out of my +room, close the door, and then stand quietly by the side- +board. + +"Saved," I thought. "But, no! Lost! Gone! He was +gone!" + +I laid my knife and fork down and leaned back in my +chair. My head swam. After a while, when sufficiently re- +covered to speak in a steady voice, I instructed my mate +to put the ship round at eight o'clock himself. + +"I won't come on deck," I went on. "I think I'll turn in, +and unless the wind shifts I don't want to be disturbed +before midnight. I feel a bit seedy." + +"You did look middling bad a little while ago," the +chief mate remarked without showing any great concern. + +They both went out, and I stared at the steward clear- +ing the table. There was nothing to be read on that +wretched man's face. But why did he avoid my eyes, I +asked myself. Then I thought I should like to hear the +sound of his voice. + +"Steward!" + +"Sir!" Startled as usual. + +"Where did you hang up that coat?" + +"In the bathroom, sir." The usual anxious tone. "It's +not quite dry yet, sir." + +For some time longer I sat in the cuddy. Had my +double vanished as he had come? But of his coming there +was an explanation, whereas his disappearance would be +inexplicable. . . . I went slowly into my dark room, shut +the door, lighted the lamp, and for a time dared not turn +round. When at last I did I saw him standing bolt-upright +in the narrow recessed part. It would not be true to say +I had a shock, but an irresistible doubt of his bodily +existence flitted through my mind. Can it be, I asked my- +self, that he is not visible to other eyes than mine? It was +like being haunted. Motionless, with a grave face, he +raised his hands slightly at me in a gesture which meant +clearly, "Heavens! what a narrow escape!" Narrow in- +deed. I think I had come creeping quietly as near in- +sanity as any man who has not actually gone over the +border. That gesture restrained me, so to speak. + +The mate with the terrific whiskers was now putting the +ship on the other tack. In the moment of profound silence +which follows upon the hands going to their stations I +heard on the poop his raised voice: "Hard alee!" and +the distant shout of the order repeated on the main-deck. +The sails, in that light breeze, made but a faint fluttering +noise. It ceased. The ship was coming round slowly: I +held my breath in the renewed stillness of expectation; +one wouldn't have thought that there was a single living +soul on her decks. A sudden brisk shout, "Mainsail +haul!" broke the spell, and in the noisy cries and rush +overhead of the men running away with the main brace +we two, down in my cabin, came together in our usual +position by the bed place. + +He did not wait for my question. "I heard him fumbling +here and just managed to squat myself down in the bath," +he whispered to me. "The fellow only opened the door +and put his arm in to hang the coat up. All the same--" + +"I never thought of that," I whispered back, even more +appalled than before at the closeness of the shave, and +marveling at that something unyielding in his character +which was carrying him through so finely. There was no +agitation in his whisper. Whoever was being driven dis- +tracted, it was not he. He was sane. And the proof of his +sanity was continued when he took up the whispering +again. + +"It would never do for me to come to life again." + +It was something that a ghost might have said. But +what he was alluding to was his old captain's reluctant +admission of the theory of suicide. It would obviously +serve his turn--if I had understood at all the view which +seemed to govern the unalterable purpose of his action. + +"You must maroon me as soon as ever you can get +amongst these islands off the Cambodge shore," he went +on. + +"Maroon you! We are not living in a boy's adventure +tale," I protested. His scornful whispering took me up. + +"We aren't indeed! There's nothing of a boy's tale in +this. But there's nothing else for it. I want no more. You +don't suppose I am afraid of what can be done to me? +Prison or gallows or whatever they may please. But you +don't see me coming back to explain such things to an +old fellow in a wig and twelve respectable tradesmen, do +you? What can they know whether I am guilty or not--or +of WHAT I am guilty, either? That's my affair. What does +the Bible say? `Driven off the face of the earth.' Very +well, I am off the face of the earth now. As I came at +night so I shall go." + +"Impossible!" I murmured. "You can't." + +"Can't? . . . Not naked like a soul on the Day of Judg- +ment. I shall freeze on to this sleeping suit. The Last Day +is not yet--and . . . you have understood thoroughly. +Didn't you?" + +I felt suddenly ashamed of myself. I may say truly that +I understood--and my hesitation in letting that man swim +away from my ship's side had been a mere sham senti- +ment, a sort of cowardice. + +"It can't be done now till next night," I breathed out. +"The ship is on the off-shore tack and the wind may fail +us." + +"As long as I know that you understand," he whispered. +"But of course you do. It's a great satisfaction to have +got somebody to understand. You seem to have been +there on purpose." And in the same whisper, as if we two +whenever we talked had to say things to each other which +were not fit for the world to hear, he added, "It's very +wonderful." + +We remained side by side talking in our secret way-- +but sometimes silent or just exchanging a whispered word +or two at long intervals. And as usual he stared through +the port. A breath of wind came now and again into +our faces. The ship might have been moored in dock, so +gently and on an even keel she slipped through the +water, that did not murmur even at our passage, shadowy +and silent like a phantom sea. + +At midnight I went on deck, and to my mate's great +surprise put the ship round on the other tack. His terrible +whiskers flitted round me in silent criticism. I certainly +should not have done it if it had been only a question of +getting out of that sleepy gulf as quickly as possible. I +believe he told the second mate, who relieved him, that it +was a great want of judgment. The other only yawned. +That intolerable cub shuffled about so sleepily and lolled +against the rails in such a slack, improper fashion that +I came down on him sharply. + +"Aren't you properly awake yet?" + +"Yes, sir! I am awake." + +"Well, then, be good enough to hold yourself as if you +were. And keep a lookout. If there's any current we'll +be closing with some islands before daylight." + +The east side of the gulf is fringed with islands, some +solitary, others in groups. One the blue background of the +high coast they seem to float on silvery patches of calm +water, arid and gray, or dark green and rounded like +clumps of evergreen bushes, with the larger ones, a mile +or two long, showing the outlines of ridges, ribs of gray +rock under the dark mantle of matted leafage. Un- +known to trade, to travel, almost to geography, the +manner of life they harbor is an unsolved secret. There +must be villages--settlements of fishermen at least--on +the largest of them, and some communication with the +world is probably kept up by native craft. But all that +forenoon, as we headed for them, fanned along by the +faintest of breezes, I saw no sign of man or canoe in the +field of the telescope I kept on pointing at the scattered +group. + +At noon I have no orders for a change of course, and +the mate's whiskers became much concerned and seemed +to be offering themselves unduly to my notice. At last I +said: + +"I am going to stand right in. Quite in--as far as I +can take her." + +The stare of extreme surprise imparted an air of fe- +rocity also to his eyes, and he looked truly terrific for a +moment. + +"We're not doing well in the middle of the gulf," I con- +tinued, casually. "I am going to look for the land breezes +tonight." + +"Bless my soul! Do you mean, sir, in the dark amongst +the lot of all them islands and reefs and shoals?" + +"Well--if there are any regular land breezes at all on +this coast one must get close inshore to find them, +mustn't one?" + +"Bless my soul!" he exclaimed again under his breath. +All that afternoon he wore a dreamy, contemplative ap- +pearance which in him was a mark of perplexity. After +dinner I went into my stateroom as if I meant to take +some rest. There we two bent our dark heads over a +half-unrolled chart lying on my bed. + +"There," I said. "It's got to be Koh-ring. I've been look- +ing at it ever since sunrise. It has got two hills and a +low point. It must be inhabited. And on the coast op- +posite there is what looks like the mouth of a biggish +river--with some towns, no doubt, not far up. It's the +best chance for you that I can see." + +"Anything. Koh-ring let it be." + +He looked thoughtfully at the chart as if surveying +chances and distances from a lofty height--and follow- +ing with his eyes his own figure wandering on the +blank land of Cochin-China, and then passing off that +piece of paper clean out of sight into uncharted regions. +And it was as if the ship had two captains to plan her +course for her. I had been so worried and restless run- +ning up and down that I had not had the patience to +dress that day. I had remained in my sleeping suit, with +straw slippers and a soft floppy hat. The closeness of +the heat in the gulf had been most oppressive, and the +crew were used to seeing me wandering in that airy attire. + +"She will clear the south point as she heads now," I +whispered into his ear. "Goodness only knows when, +though, but certainly after dark. I'll edge her in to half a +mile, as far as I may be able to judge in the dark--" + +"Be careful," he murmured, warningly--and I realized +suddenly that all my future, the only future for which I +was fit, would perhaps go irretrievably to pieces in any +mishap to my first command. + +I could not stop a moment longer in the room. I mo- +tioned him to get out of sight and made my way on the +poop. That unplayful cub had the watch. I walked up +and down for a while thinking things out, then beckoned +him over. + +"Send a couple of hands to open the two quarter- +deck ports," I said, mildly. + +He actually had the impudence, or else so forgot him- +self in his wonder at such an incomprehensible order, as +to repeat: + +"Open the quarter-deck ports! What for, sir?" + +"The only reason you need concern yourself about is +because I tell you to do so. Have them open wide and +fastened properly." + +He reddened and went off, but I believe made some +jeering remark to the carpenter as to the sensible practice +of ventilating a ship's quarter-deck. I know he popped +into the mate's cabin to impart the fact to him be- +cause the whiskers came on deck, as it were by chance, +and stole glances at me from below--for signs of lunacy +or drunkenness, I suppose. + +A little before supper, feeling more restless than ever, +I rejoined, for a moment, my second self. And to find him +sitting so quietly was surprising, like something against +nature, inhuman. + +I developed my plan in a hurried whisper. + +"I shall stand in as close as I dare and then put her +round. I will presently find means to smuggle you out of +here into the sail locker, which communicates with the +lobby. But there is an opening, a sort of square for +hauling the sails out, which gives straight on the quarter- +deck and which is never closed in fine weather, so as to +give air to the sails. When the ship's way is deadened in +stays and all the hands are aft at the main braces you +will have a clear road to slip out and get overboard +through the open quarter-deck port. I've had them +both fastened up. Use a rope's end to lower yourself into +the water so as to avoid a splash--you know. It could +be heard and cause some beastly complication." + +He kept silent for a while, then whispered, "I under- +stand." + +"I won't be there to see you go," I began with an effort. +"The rest . . . I only hope I have understood, too." + +"You have. From first to last"--and for the first time +there seemed to be a faltering, something strained in his +whisper. He caught hold of my arm, but the ringing of the +supper bell made me start. He didn't though; he only +released his grip. + +After supper I didn't come below again till well past +eight o'clock. The faint, steady breeze was loaded with +dew; and the wet, darkened sails held all there was of +propelling power in it. The night, clear and starry, +sparkled darkly, and the opaque, lightless patches shift- +ing slowly against the low stars were the drifting islets. +On the port bow there was a big one more distant and +shadowily imposing by the great space of sky it eclipsed. + +On opening the door I had a back view of my very +own self looking at a chart. He had come out of the +recess and was standing near the table. + +"Quite dark enough," I whispered. + +He stepped back and leaned against my bed with a +level, quiet glance. I sat on the couch. We had nothing +to say to each other. Over our heads the officer of the +watch moved here and there. Then I heard him move +quickly. I knew what that meant. He was making for +the companion; and presently his voice was outside my +door. + +"We are drawing in pretty fast, sir. Land looks rather +close." + +"Very well," I answered. "I am coming on deck di- +rectly." + +I waited till he was gone out of the cuddy, then rose. +My double moved too. The time had come to ex- +change our last whispers, for neither of us was ever to +hear each other's natural voice. + +"Look here!" I opened a drawer and took out three +sovereigns. "Take this anyhow. I've got six and I'd +give you the lot, only I must keep a little money to buy +some fruit and vegetables for the crew from native boats +as we go through Sunda Straits." + +He shook his head. + +"Take it," I urged him, whispering desperately. "No +one can tell what--" + +He smiled and slapped meaningly the only pocket of +the sleeping jacket. It was not safe, certainly. But I +produced a large old silk handkerchief of mine, and +tying the three pieces of gold in a corner, pressed it on +him. He was touched, I supposed, because he took it +at last and tied it quickly round his waist under the jacket, +on his bare skin. + +Our eyes met; several seconds elapsed, till, our glances +still mingled, I extended my hand and turned the lamp +out. Then I passed through the cuddy, leaving the door +of my room wide open. . . . "Steward!" + +He was still lingering in the pantry in the greatness +of his zeal, giving a rub-up to a plated cruet stand the +last thing before going to bed. Being careful not to wake +up the mate, whose room was opposite, I spoke in an +undertone. + +He looked round anxiously. "Sir!" + +"Can you get me a little hot water from the galley?" + +"I am afraid, sir, the galley fire's been out for some +time now." + +"Go and see." + +He flew up the stairs. + +"Now," I whispered, loudly, into the saloon--too +loudly, perhaps, but I was afraid I couldn't make a sound. +He was by my side in an instant--the double captain +slipped past the stairs--through a tiny dark passage . . . +a sliding door. We were in the sail locker, scrambling +on our knees over the sails. A sudden thought struck +me. I saw myself wandering barefooted, bareheaded, +the sun beating on my dark poll. I snatched off my +floppy hat and tried hurriedly in the dark to ram it on +my other self. He dodged and fended off silently. I won- +der what he thought had come to me before he under- +stood and suddenly desisted. Our hands met gropingly, +lingered united in a steady, motionless clasp for a second. +. . . No word was breathed by either of us when they +separated. + +I was standing quietly by the pantry door when the +steward returned. + +"Sorry, sir. Kettle barely warm. Shall I light the spirit +lamp?" + +"Never mind." + +I came out on deck slowly. It was now a matter of +conscience to shave the land as close as possible--for +now he must go overboard whenever the ship was put +in stays. Must! There could be no going back for him. +After a moment I walked over to leeward and my heart +flew into my mouth at the nearness of the land on the +bow. Under any other circumstances I would not have +held on a minute longer. The second mate had followed +me anxiously. + +I looked on till I felt I could command my voice. + +"She will weather," I said then in a quiet tone. + +"Are you going to try that, sir?" he stammered out +incredulously. + +I took no notice of him and raised my tone just +enough to be heard by the helmsman. + +"Keep her good full." + +"Good full, sir." + +The wind fanned my cheek, the sails slept, the world +was silent. The strain of watching the dark loom of +the land grow bigger and denser was too much for me. +I had shut my eyes--because the ship must go closer. +She must! The stillness was intolerable. Were we standing +still? + +When I opened my eyes the second view started my +heart with a thump. The black southern hill of Koh-ring +seemed to hang right over the ship like a towering frag- +ment of ever-lasting night. On that enormous mass of +blackness there was not a gleam to be seen, not a sound +to be heard. It was gliding irresistibly towards us and +yet seemed already within reach of the hand. I saw the +vague figures of the watch grouped in the waist, gazing in +awed silence. + +"Are you going on, sir?" inquired an unsteady voice at +my elbow. + +I ignored it. I had to go on. + +"Keep her full. Don't check her way. That won't do +now," I said warningly. + +"I can't see the sails very well," the helmsman an- +swered me, in strange, quavering tones. + +Was she close enough? Already she was, I won't say in +the shadow of the land, but in the very blackness of it, +already swallowed up as it were, gone too close to be re- +called, gone from me altogether. + +"Give the mate a call," I said to the young man who +stood at my elbow as still as death. "And turn all hands +up." + +My tone had a borrowed loudness reverberated from +the height of the land. Several voices cried out together: +"We are all on deck, sir." + +Then stillness again, with the great shadow gliding +closer, towering higher, without a light, without a sound. +Such a hush had fallen on the ship that she might have +been a bark of the dead floating in slowly under the very +gate of Erebus. + +"My God! Where are we?" + +It was the mate moaning at my elbow. He was thunder- +struck, and as it were deprived of the moral support of +his whiskers. He clapped his hands and absolutely cried +out, "Lost!" + +"Be quiet," I said, sternly. + +He lowered his tone, but I saw the shadowy gesture +of his despair. "What are we doing here?" + +"Looking for the land wind." + +He made as if to tear his hair, and addressed me +recklessly. + +"She will never get out. You have done it, sir. I knew +it'd end in something like this. She will never weather, +and you are too close now to stay. She'll drift ashore be- +fore she's round. O my God!" + +I caught his arm as he was raising it to batter his +poor devoted head, and shook it violently. + +"She's ashore already," he wailed, trying to tear him- +self away. + +"Is she? . . . Keep good full there!" + +"Good full, sir," cried the helmsman in a frightened, +thin, childlike voice. + +I hadn't let go the mate's arm and went on shaking it. +"Ready about, do you hear? You go forward"--shake-- +"and stop there"--shake--"and hold your noise"--shake +--"and see these head-sheets properly overhauled"-- +shake, shake--shake. + +And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest +my heart should fail me. I released my grip at last and +he ran forward as if fleeing for dear life. + +I wondered what my double there in the sail locker +thought of this commotion. He was able to hear every- +thing--and perhaps he was able to understand why, on +my conscience, it had to be thus close--no less. My first +order "Hard alee!" re-echoed ominously under the tower- +ing shadow of Koh-ring as if I had shouted in a moun- +tain gorge. And then I watched the land intently. In that +smooth water and light wind it was impossible to feel +the ship coming-to. No! I could not feel her. And my +second self was making now ready to ship out and lower +himself overboard. Perhaps he was gone already . . . ? + +The great black mass brooding over our very mast- +heads began to pivot away from the ship's side silently. +And now I forgot the secret stranger ready to depart, and +remembered only that I was a total stranger to the ship. +I did not know her. Would she do it? How was she to +be handled? + +I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly. She was +perhaps stopped, and her very fate hung in the balance, +with the black mass of Koh-ring like the gate of the +everlasting night towering over her taffrail. What would +she do now? Had she way on her yet? I stepped to the +side swiftly, and on the shadowy water I could see noth- +ing except a faint phosphorescent flash revealing the +glassy smoothness of the sleeping surface. It was im- +possible to tell--and I had not learned yet the feel of +my ship. Was she moving? What I needed was something +easily seen, a piece of paper, which I could throw over- +board and watch. I had nothing on me. To run down for +it I didn't dare. There was no time. All at once my +strained, yearning stare distinguished a white object float- +ing within a yard of the ship's side. White on the black +water. A phosphorescent flash passed under it. What was +that thing? . . . I recognized my own floppy hat. It must +have fallen off his head . . . and he didn't bother. Now I +had what I wanted--the saving mark for my eyes. But I +hardly thought of my other self, now gone from the ship, +to be hidden forever from all friendly faces, to be a fugi- +tive and a vagabond on the earth, with no brand of the +curse on his sane forehead to stay a slaying hand . . . too +proud to explain. + +And I watched the hat--the expression of my sudden +pity for his mere flesh. It had been meant to save his home- +less head from the dangers of the sun. And now--be- +hold--it was saving the ship, by serving me for a mark +to help out the ignorance of my strangeness. Ha! It was +drifting forward, warning me just in time that the ship had +gathered sternaway. + +"Shift the helm," I said in a low voice to the seaman +standing still like a statue. + +The man's eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as +he jumped round to the other side and spun round the +wheel. + +I walked to the break of the poop. On the over- +shadowed deck all hands stood by the forebraces wait- +ing for my order. The stars ahead seemed to be gliding +from right to left. And all was so still in the world that I +heard the quiet remark, "She's round," passed in a tone +of intense relief between two seamen. + +"Let go and haul." + +The foreyards ran round with a great noise, amidst +cheery cries. And now the frightful whiskers made them- +selves heard giving various orders. Already the ship was +drawing ahead. And I was alone with her. Nothing! no +one in the world should stand now between us, throwing +a shadow on the way of silent knowledge and mute af- +fection, the perfect communion of a seaman with his first +command. + +Walking to the taffrail, I was in time to make out, on +the very edge of a darkness thrown by a towering black +mass like the very gateway of Erebus--yes, I was in time +to catch an evanescent glimpse of my white hat left be- +hind to mark the spot where the secret sharer of my +cabin and of my thoughts, as though he were my second +self, had lowered himself into the water to take his +punishment: a free man, a proud swimmer striking out for +a new destiny. + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Secret Sharer + |