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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/1742-h.zip b/1742-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d844a83 --- /dev/null +++ b/1742-h.zip diff --git a/1742-h/1742-h.htm b/1742-h/1742-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..24189e3 --- /dev/null +++ b/1742-h/1742-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1694 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="us-ascii"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + Miss Civilization, by Richard Harding Davis + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Miss Civilization, by Richard Harding Davis + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miss Civilization + A Comedy in One Act + +Author: Richard Harding Davis + +Release Date: October 23, 2008 [EBook #1742] +Last Updated: December 17, 2012 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS CIVILIZATION *** + + + + +Produced by Theresa Aramao, and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + MISS CIVILIZATION + </h1> + <h1> + A Comedy In One Act + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Richard Harding Davis + </h2> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <p> + "Miss Civilization" is founded on a story by the late James Harvey Smith. + All professional rights in this play belong to Richard Harding Davis. + Amateurs who desire to produce "Miss Civilization" may do so, providing + they apply for permission to the editor of Collier's Weekly, in which + publication this play was first printed. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + PEOPLE IN THE PLAY + </h2> + <p> + ALICE GARDNER: Daughter of James K. Gardner, President of the L.I. & + W. Railroad + </p> + <p> + "UNCLE" JOSEPH HATCH: Alias "Gentleman Joe" + </p> + <p> + "BRICK" MEAKIN: Alias "Reddy, the Kid" + </p> + <p> + HARRY HAYES: Alias "Grand Stand" Harry + </p> + <p> + CAPTAIN LUCAS: Chief of Police + </p> + <p> + Policemen, Brakemen, Engineers + </p> + <p> + Scene—The dining room in the country house of James K. Gardner on + Long Island. In the back wall is a double doorway opening into a hall. A + curtain divided in the middle hangs across the entrance. On the wall on + either side of the doorway are two electric lights, and to the left is a + telephone. Further to the left is a sideboard. On it are set silver + salvers, candlesticks, and Christmas presents of silver. They still are in + the red flannel bags in which they arrived. In the left wall is a recessed + window hung with curtains. Against the right wall is a buffet on which is + set a tea-caddy, toast-rack, and tea kettle. Below the buffet a door opens + into the butler's pantry. A dinner table stands well down the stage with a + chair at each end and on either side. Two chairs are set against the back + wall to the right of the door. The walls and windows are decorated with + holly and mistletoe and Christmas wreaths tied with bows of scarlet + ribbon. When the window is opened there is a view of falling snow. At + first the room is in complete darkness. + </p> + <p> + The time is the day after Christmas, near midnight. + </p> + <p> + After the curtain rises, one hears the noise of a file scraping on iron. + It comes apparently from outside the house at a point distant from the + dining room. The filing is repeated cautiously, with a wait between each + stroke, as though the person using the file had paused to listen. + </p> + <p> + Alice Gardner enters at centre, carrying a lighted candle in a silver + candlestick. She wears a dressing gown, with swan's down around her throat + and at the edges of her sleeves. Her feet are in bedroom slippers topped + with fur. Her hair hangs down in a braid. After listening intently to the + sound of the file, she places candle on sideboard and goes to telephone. + She speaks in a whisper. + </p> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + ALICE: + Hello, Central. Hello, Central. + (Impatiently) + Wake up! Wake up! Is that you, Central? Give me the station + agent at Bedford Junction—quick. What? I CAN'T speak louder. + Well, you MUST hear me. Give me the station agent at Bedford + Junction. No, there's always a man there all night. Hurry, + please, hurry. + (There is a pause, during which the sound of the file grows louder. + Alice listens apprehensively.) + Hello, are you the station agent? Good! Listen! I am Miss + Gardner, James K. Gardner's daughter. Yes, James K. Gardner, the + president of the road. This is his house. My mother and I are + here alone. There are three men trying to break in. Yes, + burglars, of course. My mother is very ill. If they frighten her + the shock might—might be very serious. Wake up the crew, and send + the wrecking train here—at once. Send—the—crew—of—the— + wrecking train here—quick. What? Then fire up an engine and get + it here as fast as you can. + + VOICE: + (calling from second story) + Alice! + + ALICE: + (at telephone) + Yes, you have. The up-track's clear until "52" comes along. + That's not until— + + VOICE: + (Louder) + Alice! + + ALICE: + (with dismay) + Mother! + (At telephone) + Hello, hold the wire. Don't go away! + (Runs to curtains, parts them, and looks up as though speaking to + some one at top of stairs) + Mother, why AREN'T you in bed? + + VOICE: + Is anything wrong, Alice? + + ALICE: + No, dear, no. I just came down to—get a book I forgot. Please go + back, dearest. + + VOICE: + I heard you moving about. I thought you might be ill. + + ALICE: + No, dearest, but YOU'LL be very ill if you don't keep in bed. + Please, mother—at once. It's all right, it's all right. + + VOICE: + Yes, dear. Good night. + + ALICE: + Good night, mother. + (Returns quickly to telephone) + Hello! Hello! Stop the engine at the foot of our lawn. Yes, yes, + at the foot of our lawn. And when you have the house surrounded, + when the men are all around the house, blow three whistles so I'll + know you're here. What? Oh, that's all right. The burglars will + be here. I'LL see to that. All YOU have to do is to GET here. If + you don't you, you'll lose your job! I say, if you don't, you'll + lose your job, or I'm not the daughter of the president of this + road. NOW, YOU JUMP! And—wait—hello + (turns from telephone) + He's jumped. + + (The file is now drawn harshly across the bolt of the window of the + dining room, and a piece of wood snaps. With an exclamation, Alice + blows out the candle and exits. The shutters of the windows are + opened, admitting the faint glow of moonlight. The window is + raised and the ray of a dark lantern is swept about the room. + HATCH appears at window and puts one leg inside. He is an elderly + man wearing a mask which hides the upper half of his face, a heavy + overcoat, and a derby hat. But for the mask he might be mistaken + for a respectable man of business. A pane of glass falls from the + window and breaks on the sill.) + + HATCH: + (Speaking over his shoulder) + Hush! Be careful, can't you? + (He enters. He is followed by "GRAND STAND" HARRY, a younger man + of sporting appearance. He also wears a mask, and the brim of his + gray alpine hat is pulled over his eyes. Around his throat he + wears a heavy silk muffler). + It's all right. Come on. Hurry up, and close those shutters. + + HARRY: + (to REDDY outside) + Give me the bag, Reddy. + + (REDDY appears at window. He is dressed like a Bowery tough. His + face is blackened with burnt cork. His hair is of a brilliant red. + He wears an engineer's silk cap with visor. To HARRY he passes a + half-filled canvas bag. On his shoulder he carries another. On + entering he slips and falls forward on the floor). + + HATCH: + Confound you! + + HARRY: + Hush, you fool. + + HATCH: + Has he broken anything? + + REDDY: + (on floor, rubbing his head) + I've broke my head. + + HATCH: + That's no loss. Has he smashed that silver? + + HARRY: + (feeling in bag) + It feels all right. + + (HATCH cautiously parts curtains at centre and exits into hall.) + + REDDY: + (lifts bag) + We got enough stuff in this bag already without wasting time on + ANOTHER house. + + HARRY: + Wasting time! Time's money in THIS house. Look at this silver. + That's the beauty of working the night AFTER Christmas; everybodys' + presents is lying about loose, and everybody's too tired + celebrating to keep awake. + (Lifts silver loving cup) + Look at that cup! + + REDDY: + I'd rather look at a cup of coffee. + + HARRY: + (Contemptuously) + Ah, you! + + REDDY: + Well, I can't make a meal out of silver ice pitchers, can I? I've + been through three refrigerators tonight, and nothing in any of em + but bottles of MILK! MILK! + + HARRY: + Get up, get up, get to work. + + REDDY: + The folks in this town are the stingiest I ever see. I won't visit + em again, no matter how often they ask me. + (Rising and crossing to buffet) + I wonder if these folks is vegetarians, too. + + (HATCH enters) + + HATCH: + It seems all right. There's no light, and everybody's quiet. + (To HARRY) + You work the bedrooms. I'll clear away those things. Don't be + rough, now. + + HARRY: + I know my business. Give me the light. + (Takes lantern and exits centre) + + HATCH: + Hist, Reddy. Reddy, leave that alone. That's not safe. + (Removes silver from sideboard to bag). + + REDDY: + I know it ain't, governor. I'm lookin' for somethin' to eat. + (He kneels in front of buffet, and opens door.) + + HATCH: + No, you're not! You're not here to eat. Come and give me a hand + with this stuff. + + REDDY: + Gee! I've found a bottle of whiskey. + (Takes bottle from buffet and begins to pull at the cork.) + + HATCH: + Well, you put it right back where you found it. + + REDDY: + I know a better place than that to put it. + + HATCH: + How many times have I told you I'll not let you drink in business + hours? + + REDDY: + Oh, just once, governor; it's a cruel, cold night. + (Coughs.) + I need it for medicine. + + HATCH: + No, I tell you! + + REDDY: + Just ONE dose. Here's to you. + (Drinks.) + Oh, Lord! + (He sputters and coughs violently.) + + HATCH: + (starts toward him) + Hush! Stop that, you fool. + + REDDY: + Oh, Im poisoned! That's benzine, governor. What do you think of + that? Benzine! It's burned me throat out. + + HATCH: + I wish it had burned your tongue out! CAN'T you keep still? + + REDDY: + Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Think of a man puttin' benzine in a whiskey + bottle! That's dishonest, that is. Using a revenue stamp twice is + defraudin' the Government. I could have him arrested for that. + (Pause.) + If I wanted to. + (Pause.) + But I don't want to. + + HATCH: + Oh, quit that—and come here. Get out the window, and I'll hand + the bag to you. Put it under the seat of the wagon, and cover it + up with the lap robe. + + (REDDY steps to centre door and, parting the curtains, leans into + the hall beyond, listening.) + + REDDY: + Go slow. I ain't to leave here till Harry is safe on the ground + floor again. + + HATCH: + Don't you worry about Harry. He won't get into trouble. + + REDDY: + Sure HE won't. It's ME and YOU he'll get into trouble. You hadn't + ought to send HIM to do second-story work. + + HATCH: + (Contemptuously) + No? + + REDDY: + No; he's too tender-hearted. A second-story worker ought to use + his gun. + + HATCH: + Oh, you! You'll fire your gun too often some day. + + REDDY: + No, I won't. I did once, but I didn't do it again for six years. + But Harry—ah, he's too tender-hearted. If Harry was a chicken + thief, before he'd wring a chicken's neck he'd give it laughing + gas. Why, you remember the lady that woke up and begged him to + give her back a gold watch because it belonged to her little + girl who was dead. Well—it turned out the little girl wasn't + dead. It turned out the little girl was a big boy, alive and + kicking—especially kicking. He kicked me into a rose bush. + + HATCH: + That'll do. Harry's learning his trade. He'll pick it up in time. + + REDDY: + About time he picked up something. Remember the Gainesville Bank; + where he went away leaving ten thousand dollars in the back of the + safe. Why didn't he pick THAT up? + + HATCH: + Because it wasn't there. Bank directors always say that—to make + us feel bad. Hush! + + (HARRY enters, carrying his silk muffler, which now is wrapped + about a collection of jewels and watches.) + + HATCH: + That's quick work. What did you get? + + HARRY: + Some neck strings, and rings, and two watches. + + (He spreads the muffler on the table. The three men examine the + jewelry.) + + HATCH: + That looks good. Who's up there? + + HARRY: + Only an old lady and a young girl in the room over this. And she's + a beauty, too. + (Sentimentally.) + Sleeping there just as sweet and peaceful— + + REDDY: + Ah, why don't you give her back HER watch? Maybe she's ANOTHER + dead daughter. + + HATCH: + That's all right, Harry. That's good stuff. Pick up that bag, + Reddy. We can go now. + + (HARRY places muffler and jewels in an inside coat pocket. REDDY + takes up the dark lantern.) + + REDDY: + Go? Not till I've got something to eat. + + HATCH: + No, you don't. You can wait till later for something to eat. + + REDDY: + Yes, I can wait till later for something to eat, but I can wait + better if I eat now. + (Exit into pantry.) + + HATCH: + Confound him. If I knew the roads around here as well as he does, + I'd drive off and leave him. That appetite of his will send us to + jail some day. + + HARRY: + Well, to tell the truth, governor, a little supper wouldn't hurt my + feelings. + (Goes to buffet.) + I wonder where old man Gardner keeps his Havanas? I'd like a + Christmas present of a box of cigars. Are there any over here? + + HATCH: + I didn't look. I gave up robbing tills when I was quite a boy. + (Carries bag toward window and looks out.) + + HARRY: + (Takes box of cigars from buffet) + Ah, here they are. + (With disgust.) + Domestics! What do you think of that? Made in Vermont. The + "Admiral Dewey" cigar. Gee! What was the use of Dewey's taking + Manila, if I've got to smoke Vermont cigars? + + (REDDY enters, carrying tray with food and a bottle.) + + REDDY: + Say, fellers, look at this layout. These is real people in this + house. I found cold birds, and ham, and all kinds of pie, and real + wine. + (Places tray on right end of table.) + Sit down, and make yourselves perfectly at home. + + HARRY: + Well, well, that does look good. + (Places box of cigars at upper end of table, and seats himself.) + Better have a bite, governor. + + HATCH: + No, I tell you. + (He sits angrily in chair at left end of table, with his face + turned toward the curtains.) + + REDDY: + Oh, come on. It don't cost you nothing. + (The light from the candle is seen approaching the curtains.) + + HATCH: + Hush! Look there! + + (He rises, lifting his chair above his head, and advances on tiptoe + to right of curtains, where he stands with the chair raised as + though to strike. + + HARRY points revolver at curtains. + + REDDY shifts the lantern to his left hand and, standing close to + HARRY, also points a revolver. + + ALICE appears between curtains. She is dressed as before, and in + her left hand carries the candle, while the forefinger of her right + hand is held warningly to her lips. For an instant she pauses, in + the ring of light from the lantern.) + + ALICE: + (Whispering) + Hush! Don't make a noise. Don't make a noise, please. + + (There is a long pause.) + + REDDY: + Well, I'll be hung! + + ALICE: + (To REDDY) + Please don't make a noise. + + HATCH: + (in a threatening whisper) + Don't YOU make a noise. + + ALICE: + I don't mean to. My mother is asleep upstairs and she is very ill. + And I don't want to wake her—and I don't want you to wake her, + either. + + REDDY: + Well, I'll be hung! + + HATCH: + (Angrily) + Who else is in this house? + + ALICE: + No one but mother and the maid servants, and they're asleep. You + woke me, and I hoped you'd go without disturbing mother. But when + you started in making a night of it, I decided I'd better come down + and ask you to be as quiet as possible. My mother is not at all + well. + (Takes cigar box off table.) + Excuse me, you've got the wrong cigars. Those are the cigars + father keeps for his friends. Those he smokes he hides over here. + (Places box on buffet and takes out a larger box, with partitions + for cigars, matches, and cigarettes. As she moves about, REDDY + keeps her well in the light of the lantern.) + Try those. I'm afraid you've a very poor supper. When father is + away, we have such a small family. I can't see what you've—would + you mind taking that light out of my eyes, and pointing it at that + tray? + + HATCH: + (sharply) + Don't you do it. Keep the gun on her. + + ALICE: + Oh, I don't mind his pointing the gun at me, so long as he does not + point that light at me. It's most—embarrassing. + (Sternly.) + Turn it down there, please. + (REDDY lets light fall on tray.) + Why, that's cooking sherry you've got. You can't drink THAT! Let + me get you some whiskey. + + REDDY: + (covering her with lantern) + No, you don't. That's not whiskey. It's benzine. + + ALICE: + You don't mean to say that that benzine bottle is there STILL? I + told Jane to take it away. + + REDDY: + (dryly) + Well, Jane didn't do it. + + ALICE: + Now, isn't that just like Jane? I told her it might set fire to + the house and burn us alive. + + REDDY: + It nearly burned me alive. + + ALICE: + I'm so sorry. + (Takes from buffet a tray holding whiskey bottle, siphon, and three + glasses.) + Here, this is what you want. But, perhaps you don't like Scotch. + + HATCH: + Don't you touch that, Reddy. + (Returns to chair at left of table.) + + REDDY: + Why not? + + ALICE: + (pours whiskey into a glass) + Yes; why not? It's not poison. There's nothing wrong with this + bottle. If you're afraid, I'll prove it to you. Just to show you + there's not a trace of hard feelings. + (Drinks and coughs violently.) + + REDDY: + (sympathetically) + SHE'S got the benzine bottle, too. + + ALICE: + No. I'm not quite used to that. + (To HARRY) + Excuse me, but aren't you getting tired holding that big pistol? + Don't you think you might put it down now, and help me serve this + supper? + (HARRY does not move.) + No? Well, then, let the colored gentleman help me. + (HARRY and REDDY wheel sharply, each pointing his revolver.) + + REDDY: + Colored man! Where? + + HARRY: + Colored man! It's a trap! + + (Seeing no one, they turn.) + + ALICE: + (to REDDY) + Oh, pardon me. Aren't you a colored person? + + REDDY: + Me! Colored? You never see a colored man with hair like that, did + you? + (Points lantern at his head.) + This isn't my real face, lady. Why, out of office hours, I've a + complexion like cream and roses. + (Indignantly.) + Colored man! + + ALICE: + I beg your pardon, but I can't see very well. Don't you think it + would be more cheerful if we had a little more light? + + HATCH: + No! + (To REDDY.) + Drop that. We've got to go. + (To ALICE.) + And before we go, I've got to fix you. + + ALICE: + Fix me—how "fix" me? + + HATCH: + I'm sorry, Miss, but it's your own fault. You shouldn't have tried + to see us. Now that you HAVE, before we leave, I've got to tie you + to a chair—and gag you. + + ALICE: + Oh, really—all of that? + + HATCH: + I can't have you raising the neighborhood until we get well away. + + ALICE: + I see. But—gagged—I'll look so foolish. + + REDDY: + Well, there's no hurry. We won't get well away until I've had + something to eat. + + ALICE: + Quite right. + (To Hatch.) You can tie me in a chair later, Mr. ——. But now + you must remember that I am your hostess. + (To REDDY.) + You'll find plates in the pantry, please. + + REDDY: + Oh, I don't use them things. + + ALICE: + You'll use "them things" when you eat with me. Go, do as I tell + you, please. + (REDDY exits..) + And you—put away that silly gun and help him. + + HATCH: + Stay where you are. + + HARRY: + Oh, what's the rush, governor? She can't hurt nobody. And I'm + near starved, too. + (Exit into pantry.) + + HATCH: + This is the last time I take YOU out. + + ALICE: + (arranging the food upon the table) + Now, why are you so peevish to everybody? Why don't you be + sociable, and take some supper? + (Glances at sideboard.) + You seem to have taken everything else. Oh, that reminds me. + Would you object to loaning me about—four, six—about six of our + knives and forks? Just for the supper. I suppose we can borrow + from the neighbors for breakfast. Unless you've been calling on + the neighbors, too. + + HATCH: + Oh, anything to oblige a lady. + (Threateningly.) + But no tricks, now! + + ALICE: + Oh, I can't promise that, because I mightn't be able to keep my + promise. + + (HATCH brings silver knives and forks from the bag.) + + HATCH: + I'll risk all the tricks you know. Nobody's got much the better of + me in the last twenty years. + + ALICE: + Have you been a burglar twenty years? You must have begun very + young. I can't see your face very well, but I shouldn't say you + were—over forty. Do take that mask off. It looks so—unsociable. + Don't be afraid of me. I've a perfectly shocking memory for faces. + Now, I'm sure that under that unbecoming and terrifying exterior + you are hiding a kind and fatherly countenance. Am I right? + (Laughs.) + Why do you wear it? + + HATCH: + (roughly) + To keep my face warm. + + ALICE: + Oh, pardon me, my mistake. + + (A locomotive whistle is heard at a distance. ALICE listens + eagerly. As the whistle dies away and is not repeated, her face + shows her disappointment.) + + HATCH: + What was that? There's no trains this time of night. + + ALICE: + (speaking partly to herself) + It was a freight train, going the other way. + + HATCH: + (suspiciously) + The other way? The other way from where? + + ALICE: + From where it started. Do you know, I've always wanted to meet a + burglar. But it's so difficult. They go out so seldom. + + HATCH: + Yes, and they arrive so late. + + ALICE: + (laughingly) + Now, that's much better. It's so nice of you to have a sense of + humor. While you're there, just close those blinds, please, so + that the neighbors can't see what scandalous hours we keep. And + then you can make a light. This is much too gloomy for a supper + party. + + HATCH: + (closing shutters) + Yes, if those were shut it might be safer. + + (He closes shutters and turns on the two electric lights. REDDY + and HARRY enter, carrying plates.) + + HARRY: + We aren't regular waiters, miss, but we think we're pretty good for + amateurs. + + REDDY: + We haven't forgot nothing. Not even napkins. Have some napkins? + + (Places a pile of folded napkins in front of ALICE. Then sits at + head of table, HARRY to lower right of table. ALICE moves her + chair away from the table, but keeping REDDY on her right. HATCH + sits still further away from the table on her left.) + + ALICE: + Thanks. Put the plates down there. And may I help you to some— + + REDDY: + (taking food in fingers) + Oh, we'll help ourselves. + + ALICE: + Of course you're accustomed to helping yourselves, aren't you? + (To HATCH.) + Won't you join them? + + HATCH: + No. + + (Through the scene which follows, REDDY and HARRY continue to eat + and drink heartily.) + + ALICE: + No? Well, then, while they're having supper, you and I will talk. + If you're going to gag me soon, I want to talk while I can. + (Rises and hands box to him.) + Have a cigar? + + HATCH: + (takes cigar) + Thanks. + + ALICE: + (standing with hand on back of chair) + Now, I want to ask you some questions. You are an intelligent man. + Of course, you must be, or you couldn't have kept out of jail for + twenty years. To get on in your business, a man must be + intelligent, and he must have nerve, and courage. Now—with those + qualities, why, may I ask—why are you so stupid as to be a + burglar? + + HARRY: + Stupid! + + REDDY: + Well, I like that! + + HATCH: + Stupid? Why, I make a living at it. + + ALICE: + How much of a living? + + HATCH: + Ten thousand a year. + + ALICE: + Ten thousand—well, suppose you made FIFTY thousand. What good is + even a hundred thousand for ONE year, if to get it you risk + going to prison for twenty years? That's not sensible. Merely as + a business proposition, to take the risk you do for ten thousand + dollars is stupid isn't it? I can understand a man's risking + twenty years of his life for some things—a man like Peary or + Dewey, or Santos-Dumont. They took big risks for big prizes. But + there's thousands of men in this country, not half as clever as you + are, earning ten thousand a year—without any risk of going to + jail. None of THEM is afraid to go out in public with his wife and + children. THEY'RE not afraid to ask a policeman what time it is. + They don't have to wear black masks, nor ruin their beautiful + complexions with burnt cork. + + REDDY: + Ah, go on. Who'd give ME a job? + + ALICE: + Whom did you ever ask for one? + + REDDY: + (to HARRY) + Pass me some more of that pie like mother used to make. + + HATCH: + Yes, there are clerks and shopkeepers working behind a counter + twenty-four hours a day, but they don't make ten thousand a year, + and no one ever hears of THEM. There's no FAME in their job. + + ALICE: + Fame! Oh, how interesting. Are you—a celebrity? + + HATCH: + I'm quite as well known as I care to be. Now, tomorrow, all the + papers will be talking about this. There'll be columns about us + three. No one will know we are the ones they're talking about— + + REDDY: + I hope not. + + HATCH: + But the men in our profession will know. And they'll say, "That + was a neat job of So-and-so's last night." That's fame. Why, + we've got a reputation from one end of this country to the other. + + HARRY: + That's right! There's some of us just as well known as—Mister— + Santos—Dumont. + + REDDY: + And we fly just as high, too. + + ALICE: + (to HATCH) + I suppose YOU—I suppose you're quite a FAMOUS burglar? + + REDDY: + Him? Why, he's as well known as Billy the Kid. + + ALICE: + Billy the kid, really! He sounds SO attractive. But I'm afraid—I + don't think—that I ever heard of HIM. + + REDDY: + Never heard of Billy the Kid? What do you think of that? + + HATCH: + Well, then, I'm as well known as "Brace" Phillips, the Manhattan + Bank robber. + + REDDY: + SURE he is. + + HATCH: + Don't tell me you never heard of him? + + ALICE: + I'm afraid not. + + HATCH: + Why, he's a head-liner. He's as well known as George Post. Coppy + Farrell? Billy Porter? + + ALICE: + No. There you are. Now, you claim there is fame in this + profession, and you have named five men who are at the top of it, + and I've never heard of one of them. And I read the papers, too. + + REDDY: + Well, there's OTHER ladies who have heard of us. Real ladies. + When I was doing my last bit in jail, I got a thousand letters from + ladies asking for me photograph, and offering to marry me. + + ALICE: + Really? Well, that only proves that men—AS HUSBANDS—are more + desirable in jail than out. + (To HATCH) + No, it's a poor life. + + HATCH: + It's a poor life you people lead with us to worry you. There's + seventy millions of you in the United States, and only a few of us, + and yet we keep you guessing all the year round. Why, we're the + last thing you think of at night when you lock the doors, we're the + first thing you think of in the morning when you feel for the + silver basket. We're just a few up against seventy millions. I + tell you there's fame and big money and a free life in my business. + + ALICE: + Yes, it's a free life until you go to jail. It's this way. You're + barbarians, and there's no place for you in a civilized community— + except in jail. Everybody is working against you. Every city has + its police force; almost every house nowadays has a private + watchman. And if we want to raise a hue and cry after you, there + are the newspapers, and the telegraph, and the telephone + (nods at telephone) + and the cables all over the— + + HATCH: + (Grimly) + Thank you. One moment, please. + (Throws open overcoat, showing that it is lined with burglars' + jimmies, chisels, and augers..) + + ALICE: + My! What an interesting coat. It looks like a tool chest. Just + the coat for an automobile trip. + + HATCH: + Harry, cut those telephone wires. + (Hands barbed-wire cutter to HARRY. To ALICE) + Thank you for reminding me. + + ALICE: + Oh, not at all. You've nothing to thank me for. + (HARRY goes to telephone. To HARRY) + Don't make a noise doing that. Don't wake my mother. + (To HATCH) + She's nervous, and she's ill, and if you wake her, or frighten her, + I'll keep the police after you until every one of you is in jail. + + HATCH: + You won't keep after us very far when I've tied you up. Bring me + those curtain cords, Harry. + + ALICE: + Oh, really, that's too ridiculous. + (Listens apprehensively) + + HATCH: + Sorry I had to bust up your still alarm, but after we go, we can't + have you chatting with the police. If you hadn't so kindly given + me a tip about the telephone, I might have gone off and clean + forgot that. + + (HARRY takes curtain cords from window curtains.) + + REDDY: + I'm afraid pretty polly talked too much that time. We ain't all + stupid. + + ALICE: + No, so I see, so I see. It was careless of me. But everybody you + call upon may not be so careless. + + HATCH: + Well, I've won out for twenty years. I've never been in jail. + + ALICE: + Don't worry. You're young. I told you you looked young. Your + time is coming. In these days there's no room for burglars. You + belong to the days of stage-coaches. You're old-fashioned now. + You're trying to fight civilization, that's what you're trying to + do. You may keep ahead for a time, but in a long race I'll back + civilization to win. + + HATCH: + Is that so? Well, Miss Civilization, you've had your say, and I + hope you feel better. + (To HARRY) + Give me that silk muffler of yours. + (To ALICE) + If civilization is going to help you, it's got to hurry. + + ALICE: + You don't mean to say you really are going to gag me? + + HATCH: + I am. + + ALICE: + My! But I shall look silly. + (With her face turned right she listens apprehensively.) + + HARRY: + (Coming down with curtain cords, and taking muffler from his + pocket) + I've got the stuff in this muffler. + + HATCH: + Well, give me that, too. + (Shows inside coat pocket) + I'll put it in the safe. + + (HARRY places muffler on table, exposing jewelry.) + + HATCH: + (begins placing the ornaments one at a time in his pocket. To + ALICE.) + What is it? What did you hear? + + ALICE: + I—I thought I heard my mother moving about. + + HATCH: + Well, she'd better not move about. + + ALICE: + (Fiercely) + You'd better not wake her. + (Sees the jewels.) + Oh! Look at the "graft," or is it "swag?" Which is it? + + HATCH: + (To HARRY) + Cover em up; cover it up. + + (HARRY tries to hide the jewels with one hand, while he passes a + lady's watch to HATCH.) + + HARRY: + (to ALICE) + That's YOUR watch. I'm sorry it has to go. + + ALICE: + I'm not. It's the first time it ever did go. And, oh, thank you + for taking that big brooch. It's a gift of father's, so I had to + wear it, but it's so unbecoming. + (She listens covertly.) + + HATCH: + Put your hat on them. Cover them up. + (HARRY partly covers jewels with his hat. + + HATCH lifts a diamond necklace.) + + ALICE: + I suppose you know your own business—but THAT IS PASTE. + + HATCH: + Do you want to be gagged NOW? + + ALICE: + Pardon me, of course you know what you want. + (Notices another necklace.) + Oh, that Mrs. Warren's necklace! So you called on her, too, did + you? Isn't she attractive! + + REDDY: + We didn't ask for the lady of the house. They ain't always as + sociable as you are. + + ALICE: + Well, that's her necklace. You got that at the house on the hill + with the red roof—the house has the red roof, not the hill. + (She recognizes, with an exclamation, a gold locket and chain which + HATCH is about to place in his pocket.) + Oh! That's Mrs. Lowell's locket! How could you! + (She snatches locket from HATCH, and clasps it in both hands. She + rises indignantly.) + How dared you take that! + + HATCH: + Put that down! + + ALICE: + (wildly and rapidly) + No, I will not. Do you know what that means to that woman? She + cares more for that than for anything in this world. Her husband + used to wear this. + (Points.) + That's a lock of their child's hair. The child's dead, and the + husband's dead, and that's all she has left of either of them. And + you TOOK it, YOU BRUTES! + + REDDY: + Of course we took it. Why does she wear it where everybody can see + it? + + HATCH: + (savagely) + Keep quiet, you fool. + + ALICE: + She WORE it? You took it—FROM HER? + + HATCH: + We didn't hurt her. We only frightened her a bit. + (Angrily.) + And we'll frighten you before we're done with you, Miss + Civilization! + + ALICE: + (defiantly, her voice rising) + Frighten me! You—you with your faces covered! You're not men + enough. You're afraid to even steal from men. You rob WOMEN when + they're alone—at night. + (Holds up locket.) + Try to take that from me! + + VOICE: + (calling) + Alice—Alice! + + ALICE: + Mother! Oh, I forgot, I forgot. + (The burglars rise and move toward her menacingly.) + Please, please keep quiet. For God's sake, don't—let—her—know! + + VOICE: + Alice, what's wrong? Who are you talking to? + + (ALICE runs to the curtains, with one hand held out to the + burglars, entreating silence.) + + ALICE: + I'm—I'm talking to James, the coachman. One of the horses is ill. + Don't come down, mother. Don't come down. Go back to bed. He's + going now, right away. He came for some medicine. It's all right. + Good night, mother. + + VOICE: + Can't I help? + + ALICE: + (Vehemently) + No, no. Good night, mother. + + VOICE: + Good night. + + HATCH: + (fiercely, to HARRY) + That's enough of this! We can't leave here with the whole house + awake. And there's a coachman, too. She'll wake him next. He'll + have the whole damned village after us. + (To ALICE) + That woman upstairs and you have got to have your tongues stopped. + + ALICE: + (standing in front of curtains) + You try to go near that woman! She's ill, she's feeble, she's my— + mother! You dare to touch her. + + HATCH: + Get out of my way. + + ALICE: + She's ill, you cowards. It will kill her. You'll have to kill me + before you get through this door. + + HATCH: + (savagely) + Well, then, if it comes to that— + + (Three locomotive whistles are heard from just outside the house. + ALICE throws up her hands hysterically.) + + ALICE: + Ah! At last! They've come. They've come! + + HATCH: + (fiercely) + They've come! What is it? What does that mean? + + (REDDY runs to window and opens the shutters.) + + ALICE: + (jubilantly) + It means—it means that twenty men are crossing that lawn. It + means that while you sat drinking there, Civilization was racing + toward you at seventy miles an hour! + + HATCH: + Damnation! We're trapped. Get to the wagon—quick! No. Leave + the girl alone. We've no time for that. Drop that stuff. That + way. That way. + + REDDY: + (at window) + No. Get back! Get back! It's too late. There's hundreds of them + out there. + + HATCH: + (running to centre door) + Out here! This way! Quick! + + ALICE: + (mockingly) + Yes, come! You don't dare come this way NOW! + + (She drags open the curtains, disclosing CAPTAIN LUCAS and two + other policemen. For an instant they stand, covering the burglars + with revolvers. REDDY runs to window. He is seized by an entering + crowd of men in the oil-stained blue jeans of engineers and + brakemen.) + + CAPTAIN LUCAS: + Hold up your hands, all of you! I guess I know you. + (With his left hand he tears off HATCH'S mask.) + "Joe" Hatch—at last. + (Pulls off HARRY'S mask.) + And Harry Hayes. I thought so. And that's—the "Kid." The whole + gang. + (To the police.) + Good work, boys. + (To ALICE) + My congratulations, Miss Gardner. They're the worst lot in the + country. You're a brave young lady. You ought— + + ALICE: + (speaking with an effort and swaying slightly) + Hush, please. Don't—don't alarm my mother. Mother's not as + strong as—as I am. + + (Her eyes close, and she faints across the arm of the Chief of + Police as the CURTAIN FALLS.) +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Miss Civilization, by Richard Harding Davis + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS CIVILIZATION *** + +***** This file should be named 1742-h.htm or 1742-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/4/1742/ + +Produced by Theresa Aramao, and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miss Civilization + A Comedy in One Act + +Author: Richard Harding Davis + +Posting Date: October 23, 2008 [EBook #1742] +Release Date: May, 1999 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS CIVILIZATION *** + + + + +Produced by Theresa Aramao + + + + + +MISS CIVILIZATION + +A Comedy In One Act + + +By Richard Harding Davis + + +"Miss Civilization" is founded on a story by the late James Harvey +Smith. All professional rights in this play belong to Richard +Harding Davis. Amateurs who desire to produce "Miss +Civilization" may do so, providing they apply for permission to +the editor of Collier's Weekly, in which publication this play was +first printed. + + + + +PEOPLE IN THE PLAY + + +ALICE GARDNER: Daughter of James K. Gardner, President of the L.I. +& W. Railroad + +"UNCLE" JOSEPH HATCH: Alias "Gentleman Joe" + +"BRICK" MEAKIN: Alias "Reddy, the Kid" + +HARRY HAYES: Alias "Grand Stand" Harry + +CAPTAIN LUCAS: Chief of Police + +Policemen, Brakemen, Engineers + + +Scene--The dining room in the country house of James K. Gardner +on Long Island. In the back wall is a double doorway opening into +a hall. A curtain divided in the middle hangs across the entrance. +On the wall on either side of the doorway are two electric lights, +and to the left is a telephone. Further to the left is a +sideboard. On it are set silver salvers, candlesticks, and +Christmas presents of silver. They still are in the red flannel +bags in which they arrived. In the left wall is a recessed window +hung with curtains. Against the right wall is a buffet on which is +set a tea-caddy, toast-rack, and tea kettle. Below the buffet a +door opens into the butler's pantry. A dinner table stands well +down the stage with a chair at each end and on either side. Two +chairs are set against the back wall to the right of the door. The +walls and windows are decorated with holly and mistletoe and +Christmas wreaths tied with bows of scarlet ribbon. When the +window is opened there is a view of falling snow. At first the +room is in complete darkness. + +The time is the day after Christmas, near midnight. + +After the curtain rises, one hears the noise of a file scraping +on iron. It comes apparently from outside the house at a point +distant from the dining room. The filing is repeated cautiously, +with a wait between each stroke, as though the person using the +file had paused to listen. + +Alice Gardner enters at centre, carrying a lighted candle in a +silver candlestick. She wears a dressing gown, with swan's down +around her throat and at the edges of her sleeves. Her feet are +in bedroom slippers topped with fur. Her hair hangs down in a +braid. After listening intently to the sound of the file, she +places candle on sideboard and goes to telephone. She speaks in a +whisper. + + + ALICE: + Hello, Central. Hello, Central. + (Impatiently) + Wake up! Wake up! Is that you, Central? Give me the station + agent at Bedford Junction--quick. What? I CAN'T speak louder. + Well, you MUST hear me. Give me the station agent at Bedford + Junction. No, there's always a man there all night. Hurry, + please, hurry. + (There is a pause, during which the sound of the file grows louder. + Alice listens apprehensively.) + Hello, are you the station agent? Good! Listen! I am Miss + Gardner, James K. Gardner's daughter. Yes, James K. Gardner, the + president of the road. This is his house. My mother and I are + here alone. There are three men trying to break in. Yes, + burglars, of course. My mother is very ill. If they frighten her + the shock might--might be very serious. Wake up the crew, and send + the wrecking train here--at once. Send--the--crew--of--the-- + wrecking train here--quick. What? Then fire up an engine and get + it here as fast as you can. + + VOICE: + (calling from second story) + Alice! + + ALICE: + (at telephone) + Yes, you have. The up-track's clear until "52" comes along. + That's not until-- + + VOICE: + (Louder) + Alice! + + ALICE: + (with dismay) + Mother! + (At telephone) + Hello, hold the wire. Don't go away! + (Runs to curtains, parts them, and looks up as though speaking to + some one at top of stairs) + Mother, why AREN'T you in bed? + + VOICE: + Is anything wrong, Alice? + + ALICE: + No, dear, no. I just came down to--get a book I forgot. Please go + back, dearest. + + VOICE: + I heard you moving about. I thought you might be ill. + + ALICE: + No, dearest, but YOU'LL be very ill if you don't keep in bed. + Please, mother--at once. It's all right, it's all right. + + VOICE: + Yes, dear. Good night. + + ALICE: + Good night, mother. + (Returns quickly to telephone) + Hello! Hello! Stop the engine at the foot of our lawn. Yes, yes, + at the foot of our lawn. And when you have the house surrounded, + when the men are all around the house, blow three whistles so I'll + know you're here. What? Oh, that's all right. The burglars will + be here. I'LL see to that. All YOU have to do is to GET here. If + you don't you, you'll lose your job! I say, if you don't, you'll + lose your job, or I'm not the daughter of the president of this + road. NOW, YOU JUMP! And--wait--hello + (turns from telephone) + He's jumped. + + (The file is now drawn harshly across the bolt of the window of the + dining room, and a piece of wood snaps. With an exclamation, Alice + blows out the candle and exits. The shutters of the windows are + opened, admitting the faint glow of moonlight. The window is + raised and the ray of a dark lantern is swept about the room. + HATCH appears at window and puts one leg inside. He is an elderly + man wearing a mask which hides the upper half of his face, a heavy + overcoat, and a derby hat. But for the mask he might be mistaken + for a respectable man of business. A pane of glass falls from the + window and breaks on the sill.) + + HATCH: + (Speaking over his shoulder) + Hush! Be careful, can't you? + (He enters. He is followed by "GRAND STAND" HARRY, a younger man + of sporting appearance. He also wears a mask, and the brim of his + gray alpine hat is pulled over his eyes. Around his throat he + wears a heavy silk muffler). + It's all right. Come on. Hurry up, and close those shutters. + + HARRY: + (to REDDY outside) + Give me the bag, Reddy. + + (REDDY appears at window. He is dressed like a Bowery tough. His + face is blackened with burnt cork. His hair is of a brilliant red. + He wears an engineer's silk cap with visor. To HARRY he passes a + half-filled canvas bag. On his shoulder he carries another. On + entering he slips and falls forward on the floor). + + HATCH: + Confound you! + + HARRY: + Hush, you fool. + + HATCH: + Has he broken anything? + + REDDY: + (on floor, rubbing his head) + I've broke my head. + + HATCH: + That's no loss. Has he smashed that silver? + + HARRY: + (feeling in bag) + It feels all right. + + (HATCH cautiously parts curtains at centre and exits into hall.) + + REDDY: + (lifts bag) + We got enough stuff in this bag already without wasting time on + ANOTHER house. + + HARRY: + Wasting time! Time's money in THIS house. Look at this silver. + That's the beauty of working the night AFTER Christmas; everybodys' + presents is lying about loose, and everybody's too tired + celebrating to keep awake. + (Lifts silver loving cup) + Look at that cup! + + REDDY: + I'd rather look at a cup of coffee. + + HARRY: + (Contemptuously) + Ah, you! + + REDDY: + Well, I can't make a meal out of silver ice pitchers, can I? I've + been through three refrigerators tonight, and nothing in any of em + but bottles of MILK! MILK! + + HARRY: + Get up, get up, get to work. + + REDDY: + The folks in this town are the stingiest I ever see. I won't visit + em again, no matter how often they ask me. + (Rising and crossing to buffet) + I wonder if these folks is vegetarians, too. + + (HATCH enters) + + HATCH: + It seems all right. There's no light, and everybody's quiet. + (To HARRY) + You work the bedrooms. I'll clear away those things. Don't be + rough, now. + + HARRY: + I know my business. Give me the light. + (Takes lantern and exits centre) + + HATCH: + Hist, Reddy. Reddy, leave that alone. That's not safe. + (Removes silver from sideboard to bag). + + REDDY: + I know it ain't, governor. I'm lookin' for somethin' to eat. + (He kneels in front of buffet, and opens door.) + + HATCH: + No, you're not! You're not here to eat. Come and give me a hand + with this stuff. + + REDDY: + Gee! I've found a bottle of whiskey. + (Takes bottle from buffet and begins to pull at the cork.) + + HATCH: + Well, you put it right back where you found it. + + REDDY: + I know a better place than that to put it. + + HATCH: + How many times have I told you I'll not let you drink in business + hours? + + REDDY: + Oh, just once, governor; it's a cruel, cold night. + (Coughs.) + I need it for medicine. + + HATCH: + No, I tell you! + + REDDY: + Just ONE dose. Here's to you. + (Drinks.) + Oh, Lord! + (He sputters and coughs violently.) + + HATCH: + (starts toward him) + Hush! Stop that, you fool. + + REDDY: + Oh, Im poisoned! That's benzine, governor. What do you think of + that? Benzine! It's burned me throat out. + + HATCH: + I wish it had burned your tongue out! CAN'T you keep still? + + REDDY: + Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Think of a man puttin' benzine in a whiskey + bottle! That's dishonest, that is. Using a revenue stamp twice is + defraudin' the Government. I could have him arrested for that. + (Pause.) + If I wanted to. + (Pause.) + But I don't want to. + + HATCH: + Oh, quit that--and come here. Get out the window, and I'll hand + the bag to you. Put it under the seat of the wagon, and cover it + up with the lap robe. + + (REDDY steps to centre door and, parting the curtains, leans into + the hall beyond, listening.) + + REDDY: + Go slow. I ain't to leave here till Harry is safe on the ground + floor again. + + HATCH: + Don't you worry about Harry. He won't get into trouble. + + REDDY: + Sure HE won't. It's ME and YOU he'll get into trouble. You hadn't + ought to send HIM to do second-story work. + + HATCH: + (Contemptuously) + No? + + REDDY: + No; he's too tender-hearted. A second-story worker ought to use + his gun. + + HATCH: + Oh, you! You'll fire your gun too often some day. + + REDDY: + No, I won't. I did once, but I didn't do it again for six years. + But Harry--ah, he's too tender-hearted. If Harry was a chicken + thief, before he'd wring a chicken's neck he'd give it laughing + gas. Why, you remember the lady that woke up and begged him to + give her back a gold watch because it belonged to her little + girl who was dead. Well--it turned out the little girl wasn't + dead. It turned out the little girl was a big boy, alive and + kicking--especially kicking. He kicked me into a rose bush. + + HATCH: + That'll do. Harry's learning his trade. He'll pick it up in time. + + REDDY: + About time he picked up something. Remember the Gainesville Bank; + where he went away leaving ten thousand dollars in the back of the + safe. Why didn't he pick THAT up? + + HATCH: + Because it wasn't there. Bank directors always say that--to make + us feel bad. Hush! + + (HARRY enters, carrying his silk muffler, which now is wrapped + about a collection of jewels and watches.) + + HATCH: + That's quick work. What did you get? + + HARRY: + Some neck strings, and rings, and two watches. + + (He spreads the muffler on the table. The three men examine the + jewelry.) + + HATCH: + That looks good. Who's up there? + + HARRY: + Only an old lady and a young girl in the room over this. And she's + a beauty, too. + (Sentimentally.) + Sleeping there just as sweet and peaceful-- + + REDDY: + Ah, why don't you give her back HER watch? Maybe she's ANOTHER + dead daughter. + + HATCH: + That's all right, Harry. That's good stuff. Pick up that bag, + Reddy. We can go now. + + (HARRY places muffler and jewels in an inside coat pocket. REDDY + takes up the dark lantern.) + + REDDY: + Go? Not till I've got something to eat. + + HATCH: + No, you don't. You can wait till later for something to eat. + + REDDY: + Yes, I can wait till later for something to eat, but I can wait + better if I eat now. + (Exit into pantry.) + + HATCH: + Confound him. If I knew the roads around here as well as he does, + I'd drive off and leave him. That appetite of his will send us to + jail some day. + + HARRY: + Well, to tell the truth, governor, a little supper wouldn't hurt my + feelings. + (Goes to buffet.) + I wonder where old man Gardner keeps his Havanas? I'd like a + Christmas present of a box of cigars. Are there any over here? + + HATCH: + I didn't look. I gave up robbing tills when I was quite a boy. + (Carries bag toward window and looks out.) + + HARRY: + (Takes box of cigars from buffet) + Ah, here they are. + (With disgust.) + Domestics! What do you think of that? Made in Vermont. The + "Admiral Dewey" cigar. Gee! What was the use of Dewey's taking + Manila, if I've got to smoke Vermont cigars? + + (REDDY enters, carrying tray with food and a bottle.) + + REDDY: + Say, fellers, look at this layout. These is real people in this + house. I found cold birds, and ham, and all kinds of pie, and real + wine. + (Places tray on right end of table.) + Sit down, and make yourselves perfectly at home. + + HARRY: + Well, well, that does look good. + (Places box of cigars at upper end of table, and seats himself.) + Better have a bite, governor. + + HATCH: + No, I tell you. + (He sits angrily in chair at left end of table, with his face + turned toward the curtains.) + + REDDY: + Oh, come on. It don't cost you nothing. + (The light from the candle is seen approaching the curtains.) + + HATCH: + Hush! Look there! + + (He rises, lifting his chair above his head, and advances on tiptoe + to right of curtains, where he stands with the chair raised as + though to strike. + + HARRY points revolver at curtains. + + REDDY shifts the lantern to his left hand and, standing close to + HARRY, also points a revolver. + + ALICE appears between curtains. She is dressed as before, and in + her left hand carries the candle, while the forefinger of her right + hand is held warningly to her lips. For an instant she pauses, in + the ring of light from the lantern.) + + ALICE: + (Whispering) + Hush! Don't make a noise. Don't make a noise, please. + + (There is a long pause.) + + REDDY: + Well, I'll be hung! + + ALICE: + (To REDDY) + Please don't make a noise. + + HATCH: + (in a threatening whisper) + Don't YOU make a noise. + + ALICE: + I don't mean to. My mother is asleep upstairs and she is very ill. + And I don't want to wake her--and I don't want you to wake her, + either. + + REDDY: + Well, I'll be hung! + + HATCH: + (Angrily) + Who else is in this house? + + ALICE: + No one but mother and the maid servants, and they're asleep. You + woke me, and I hoped you'd go without disturbing mother. But when + you started in making a night of it, I decided I'd better come down + and ask you to be as quiet as possible. My mother is not at all + well. + (Takes cigar box off table.) + Excuse me, you've got the wrong cigars. Those are the cigars + father keeps for his friends. Those he smokes he hides over here. + (Places box on buffet and takes out a larger box, with partitions + for cigars, matches, and cigarettes. As she moves about, REDDY + keeps her well in the light of the lantern.) + Try those. I'm afraid you've a very poor supper. When father is + away, we have such a small family. I can't see what you've--would + you mind taking that light out of my eyes, and pointing it at that + tray? + + HATCH: + (sharply) + Don't you do it. Keep the gun on her. + + ALICE: + Oh, I don't mind his pointing the gun at me, so long as he does not + point that light at me. It's most--embarrassing. + (Sternly.) + Turn it down there, please. + (REDDY lets light fall on tray.) + Why, that's cooking sherry you've got. You can't drink THAT! Let + me get you some whiskey. + + REDDY: + (covering her with lantern) + No, you don't. That's not whiskey. It's benzine. + + ALICE: + You don't mean to say that that benzine bottle is there STILL? I + told Jane to take it away. + + REDDY: + (dryly) + Well, Jane didn't do it. + + ALICE: + Now, isn't that just like Jane? I told her it might set fire to + the house and burn us alive. + + REDDY: + It nearly burned me alive. + + ALICE: + I'm so sorry. + (Takes from buffet a tray holding whiskey bottle, siphon, and three + glasses.) + Here, this is what you want. But, perhaps you don't like Scotch. + + HATCH: + Don't you touch that, Reddy. + (Returns to chair at left of table.) + + REDDY: + Why not? + + ALICE: + (pours whiskey into a glass) + Yes; why not? It's not poison. There's nothing wrong with this + bottle. If you're afraid, I'll prove it to you. Just to show you + there's not a trace of hard feelings. + (Drinks and coughs violently.) + + REDDY: + (sympathetically) + SHE'S got the benzine bottle, too. + + ALICE: + No. I'm not quite used to that. + (To HARRY) + Excuse me, but aren't you getting tired holding that big pistol? + Don't you think you might put it down now, and help me serve this + supper? + (HARRY does not move.) + No? Well, then, let the colored gentleman help me. + (HARRY and REDDY wheel sharply, each pointing his revolver.) + + REDDY: + Colored man! Where? + + HARRY: + Colored man! It's a trap! + + (Seeing no one, they turn.) + + ALICE: + (to REDDY) + Oh, pardon me. Aren't you a colored person? + + REDDY: + Me! Colored? You never see a colored man with hair like that, did + you? + (Points lantern at his head.) + This isn't my real face, lady. Why, out of office hours, I've a + complexion like cream and roses. + (Indignantly.) + Colored man! + + ALICE: + I beg your pardon, but I can't see very well. Don't you think it + would be more cheerful if we had a little more light? + + HATCH: + No! + (To REDDY.) + Drop that. We've got to go. + (To ALICE.) + And before we go, I've got to fix you. + + ALICE: + Fix me--how "fix" me? + + HATCH: + I'm sorry, Miss, but it's your own fault. You shouldn't have tried + to see us. Now that you HAVE, before we leave, I've got to tie you + to a chair--and gag you. + + ALICE: + Oh, really--all of that? + + HATCH: + I can't have you raising the neighborhood until we get well away. + + ALICE: + I see. But--gagged--I'll look so foolish. + + REDDY: + Well, there's no hurry. We won't get well away until I've had + something to eat. + + ALICE: + Quite right. + (To Hatch.) You can tie me in a chair later, Mr. ----. But now + you must remember that I am your hostess. + (To REDDY.) + You'll find plates in the pantry, please. + + REDDY: + Oh, I don't use them things. + + ALICE: + You'll use "them things" when you eat with me. Go, do as I tell + you, please. + (REDDY exits..) + And you--put away that silly gun and help him. + + HATCH: + Stay where you are. + + HARRY: + Oh, what's the rush, governor? She can't hurt nobody. And I'm + near starved, too. + (Exit into pantry.) + + HATCH: + This is the last time I take YOU out. + + ALICE: + (arranging the food upon the table) + Now, why are you so peevish to everybody? Why don't you be + sociable, and take some supper? + (Glances at sideboard.) + You seem to have taken everything else. Oh, that reminds me. + Would you object to loaning me about--four, six--about six of our + knives and forks? Just for the supper. I suppose we can borrow + from the neighbors for breakfast. Unless you've been calling on + the neighbors, too. + + HATCH: + Oh, anything to oblige a lady. + (Threateningly.) + But no tricks, now! + + ALICE: + Oh, I can't promise that, because I mightn't be able to keep my + promise. + + (HATCH brings silver knives and forks from the bag.) + + HATCH: + I'll risk all the tricks you know. Nobody's got much the better of + me in the last twenty years. + + ALICE: + Have you been a burglar twenty years? You must have begun very + young. I can't see your face very well, but I shouldn't say you + were--over forty. Do take that mask off. It looks so--unsociable. + Don't be afraid of me. I've a perfectly shocking memory for faces. + Now, I'm sure that under that unbecoming and terrifying exterior + you are hiding a kind and fatherly countenance. Am I right? + (Laughs.) + Why do you wear it? + + HATCH: + (roughly) + To keep my face warm. + + ALICE: + Oh, pardon me, my mistake. + + (A locomotive whistle is heard at a distance. ALICE listens + eagerly. As the whistle dies away and is not repeated, her face + shows her disappointment.) + + HATCH: + What was that? There's no trains this time of night. + + ALICE: + (speaking partly to herself) + It was a freight train, going the other way. + + HATCH: + (suspiciously) + The other way? The other way from where? + + ALICE: + From where it started. Do you know, I've always wanted to meet a + burglar. But it's so difficult. They go out so seldom. + + HATCH: + Yes, and they arrive so late. + + ALICE: + (laughingly) + Now, that's much better. It's so nice of you to have a sense of + humor. While you're there, just close those blinds, please, so + that the neighbors can't see what scandalous hours we keep. And + then you can make a light. This is much too gloomy for a supper + party. + + HATCH: + (closing shutters) + Yes, if those were shut it might be safer. + + (He closes shutters and turns on the two electric lights. REDDY + and HARRY enter, carrying plates.) + + HARRY: + We aren't regular waiters, miss, but we think we're pretty good for + amateurs. + + REDDY: + We haven't forgot nothing. Not even napkins. Have some napkins? + + (Places a pile of folded napkins in front of ALICE. Then sits at + head of table, HARRY to lower right of table. ALICE moves her + chair away from the table, but keeping REDDY on her right. HATCH + sits still further away from the table on her left.) + + ALICE: + Thanks. Put the plates down there. And may I help you to some-- + + REDDY: + (taking food in fingers) + Oh, we'll help ourselves. + + ALICE: + Of course you're accustomed to helping yourselves, aren't you? + (To HATCH.) + Won't you join them? + + HATCH: + No. + + (Through the scene which follows, REDDY and HARRY continue to eat + and drink heartily.) + + ALICE: + No? Well, then, while they're having supper, you and I will talk. + If you're going to gag me soon, I want to talk while I can. + (Rises and hands box to him.) + Have a cigar? + + HATCH: + (takes cigar) + Thanks. + + ALICE: + (standing with hand on back of chair) + Now, I want to ask you some questions. You are an intelligent man. + Of course, you must be, or you couldn't have kept out of jail for + twenty years. To get on in your business, a man must be + intelligent, and he must have nerve, and courage. Now--with those + qualities, why, may I ask--why are you so stupid as to be a + burglar? + + HARRY: + Stupid! + + REDDY: + Well, I like that! + + HATCH: + Stupid? Why, I make a living at it. + + ALICE: + How much of a living? + + HATCH: + Ten thousand a year. + + ALICE: + Ten thousand--well, suppose you made FIFTY thousand. What good is + even a hundred thousand for ONE year, if to get it you risk + going to prison for twenty years? That's not sensible. Merely as + a business proposition, to take the risk you do for ten thousand + dollars is stupid isn't it? I can understand a man's risking + twenty years of his life for some things--a man like Peary or + Dewey, or Santos-Dumont. They took big risks for big prizes. But + there's thousands of men in this country, not half as clever as you + are, earning ten thousand a year--without any risk of going to + jail. None of THEM is afraid to go out in public with his wife and + children. THEY'RE not afraid to ask a policeman what time it is. + They don't have to wear black masks, nor ruin their beautiful + complexions with burnt cork. + + REDDY: + Ah, go on. Who'd give ME a job? + + ALICE: + Whom did you ever ask for one? + + REDDY: + (to HARRY) + Pass me some more of that pie like mother used to make. + + HATCH: + Yes, there are clerks and shopkeepers working behind a counter + twenty-four hours a day, but they don't make ten thousand a year, + and no one ever hears of THEM. There's no FAME in their job. + + ALICE: + Fame! Oh, how interesting. Are you--a celebrity? + + HATCH: + I'm quite as well known as I care to be. Now, tomorrow, all the + papers will be talking about this. There'll be columns about us + three. No one will know we are the ones they're talking about-- + + REDDY: + I hope not. + + HATCH: + But the men in our profession will know. And they'll say, "That + was a neat job of So-and-so's last night." That's fame. Why, + we've got a reputation from one end of this country to the other. + + HARRY: + That's right! There's some of us just as well known as--Mister-- + Santos--Dumont. + + REDDY: + And we fly just as high, too. + + ALICE: + (to HATCH) + I suppose YOU--I suppose you're quite a FAMOUS burglar? + + REDDY: + Him? Why, he's as well known as Billy the Kid. + + ALICE: + Billy the kid, really! He sounds SO attractive. But I'm afraid--I + don't think--that I ever heard of HIM. + + REDDY: + Never heard of Billy the Kid? What do you think of that? + + HATCH: + Well, then, I'm as well known as "Brace" Phillips, the Manhattan + Bank robber. + + REDDY: + SURE he is. + + HATCH: + Don't tell me you never heard of him? + + ALICE: + I'm afraid not. + + HATCH: + Why, he's a head-liner. He's as well known as George Post. Coppy + Farrell? Billy Porter? + + ALICE: + No. There you are. Now, you claim there is fame in this + profession, and you have named five men who are at the top of it, + and I've never heard of one of them. And I read the papers, too. + + REDDY: + Well, there's OTHER ladies who have heard of us. Real ladies. + When I was doing my last bit in jail, I got a thousand letters from + ladies asking for me photograph, and offering to marry me. + + ALICE: + Really? Well, that only proves that men--AS HUSBANDS--are more + desirable in jail than out. + (To HATCH) + No, it's a poor life. + + HATCH: + It's a poor life you people lead with us to worry you. There's + seventy millions of you in the United States, and only a few of us, + and yet we keep you guessing all the year round. Why, we're the + last thing you think of at night when you lock the doors, we're the + first thing you think of in the morning when you feel for the + silver basket. We're just a few up against seventy millions. I + tell you there's fame and big money and a free life in my business. + + ALICE: + Yes, it's a free life until you go to jail. It's this way. You're + barbarians, and there's no place for you in a civilized community-- + except in jail. Everybody is working against you. Every city has + its police force; almost every house nowadays has a private + watchman. And if we want to raise a hue and cry after you, there + are the newspapers, and the telegraph, and the telephone + (nods at telephone) + and the cables all over the-- + + HATCH: + (Grimly) + Thank you. One moment, please. + (Throws open overcoat, showing that it is lined with burglars' + jimmies, chisels, and augers..) + + ALICE: + My! What an interesting coat. It looks like a tool chest. Just + the coat for an automobile trip. + + HATCH: + Harry, cut those telephone wires. + (Hands barbed-wire cutter to HARRY. To ALICE) + Thank you for reminding me. + + ALICE: + Oh, not at all. You've nothing to thank me for. + (HARRY goes to telephone. To HARRY) + Don't make a noise doing that. Don't wake my mother. + (To HATCH) + She's nervous, and she's ill, and if you wake her, or frighten her, + I'll keep the police after you until every one of you is in jail. + + HATCH: + You won't keep after us very far when I've tied you up. Bring me + those curtain cords, Harry. + + ALICE: + Oh, really, that's too ridiculous. + (Listens apprehensively) + + HATCH: + Sorry I had to bust up your still alarm, but after we go, we can't + have you chatting with the police. If you hadn't so kindly given + me a tip about the telephone, I might have gone off and clean + forgot that. + + (HARRY takes curtain cords from window curtains.) + + REDDY: + I'm afraid pretty polly talked too much that time. We ain't all + stupid. + + ALICE: + No, so I see, so I see. It was careless of me. But everybody you + call upon may not be so careless. + + HATCH: + Well, I've won out for twenty years. I've never been in jail. + + ALICE: + Don't worry. You're young. I told you you looked young. Your + time is coming. In these days there's no room for burglars. You + belong to the days of stage-coaches. You're old-fashioned now. + You're trying to fight civilization, that's what you're trying to + do. You may keep ahead for a time, but in a long race I'll back + civilization to win. + + HATCH: + Is that so? Well, Miss Civilization, you've had your say, and I + hope you feel better. + (To HARRY) + Give me that silk muffler of yours. + (To ALICE) + If civilization is going to help you, it's got to hurry. + + ALICE: + You don't mean to say you really are going to gag me? + + HATCH: + I am. + + ALICE: + My! But I shall look silly. + (With her face turned right she listens apprehensively.) + + HARRY: + (Coming down with curtain cords, and taking muffler from his + pocket) + I've got the stuff in this muffler. + + HATCH: + Well, give me that, too. + (Shows inside coat pocket) + I'll put it in the safe. + + (HARRY places muffler on table, exposing jewelry.) + + HATCH: + (begins placing the ornaments one at a time in his pocket. To + ALICE.) + What is it? What did you hear? + + ALICE: + I--I thought I heard my mother moving about. + + HATCH: + Well, she'd better not move about. + + ALICE: + (Fiercely) + You'd better not wake her. + (Sees the jewels.) + Oh! Look at the "graft," or is it "swag?" Which is it? + + HATCH: + (To HARRY) + Cover em up; cover it up. + + (HARRY tries to hide the jewels with one hand, while he passes a + lady's watch to HATCH.) + + HARRY: + (to ALICE) + That's YOUR watch. I'm sorry it has to go. + + ALICE: + I'm not. It's the first time it ever did go. And, oh, thank you + for taking that big brooch. It's a gift of father's, so I had to + wear it, but it's so unbecoming. + (She listens covertly.) + + HATCH: + Put your hat on them. Cover them up. + (HARRY partly covers jewels with his hat. + + HATCH lifts a diamond necklace.) + + ALICE: + I suppose you know your own business--but THAT IS PASTE. + + HATCH: + Do you want to be gagged NOW? + + ALICE: + Pardon me, of course you know what you want. + (Notices another necklace.) + Oh, that Mrs. Warren's necklace! So you called on her, too, did + you? Isn't she attractive! + + REDDY: + We didn't ask for the lady of the house. They ain't always as + sociable as you are. + + ALICE: + Well, that's her necklace. You got that at the house on the hill + with the red roof--the house has the red roof, not the hill. + (She recognizes, with an exclamation, a gold locket and chain which + HATCH is about to place in his pocket.) + Oh! That's Mrs. Lowell's locket! How could you! + (She snatches locket from HATCH, and clasps it in both hands. She + rises indignantly.) + How dared you take that! + + HATCH: + Put that down! + + ALICE: + (wildly and rapidly) + No, I will not. Do you know what that means to that woman? She + cares more for that than for anything in this world. Her husband + used to wear this. + (Points.) + That's a lock of their child's hair. The child's dead, and the + husband's dead, and that's all she has left of either of them. And + you TOOK it, YOU BRUTES! + + REDDY: + Of course we took it. Why does she wear it where everybody can see + it? + + HATCH: + (savagely) + Keep quiet, you fool. + + ALICE: + She WORE it? You took it--FROM HER? + + HATCH: + We didn't hurt her. We only frightened her a bit. + (Angrily.) + And we'll frighten you before we're done with you, Miss + Civilization! + + ALICE: + (defiantly, her voice rising) + Frighten me! You--you with your faces covered! You're not men + enough. You're afraid to even steal from men. You rob WOMEN when + they're alone--at night. + (Holds up locket.) + Try to take that from me! + + VOICE: + (calling) + Alice--Alice! + + ALICE: + Mother! Oh, I forgot, I forgot. + (The burglars rise and move toward her menacingly.) + Please, please keep quiet. For God's sake, don't--let--her--know! + + VOICE: + Alice, what's wrong? Who are you talking to? + + (ALICE runs to the curtains, with one hand held out to the + burglars, entreating silence.) + + ALICE: + I'm--I'm talking to James, the coachman. One of the horses is ill. + Don't come down, mother. Don't come down. Go back to bed. He's + going now, right away. He came for some medicine. It's all right. + Good night, mother. + + VOICE: + Can't I help? + + ALICE: + (Vehemently) + No, no. Good night, mother. + + VOICE: + Good night. + + HATCH: + (fiercely, to HARRY) + That's enough of this! We can't leave here with the whole house + awake. And there's a coachman, too. She'll wake him next. He'll + have the whole damned village after us. + (To ALICE) + That woman upstairs and you have got to have your tongues stopped. + + ALICE: + (standing in front of curtains) + You try to go near that woman! She's ill, she's feeble, she's my-- + mother! You dare to touch her. + + HATCH: + Get out of my way. + + ALICE: + She's ill, you cowards. It will kill her. You'll have to kill me + before you get through this door. + + HATCH: + (savagely) + Well, then, if it comes to that-- + + (Three locomotive whistles are heard from just outside the house. + ALICE throws up her hands hysterically.) + + ALICE: + Ah! At last! They've come. They've come! + + HATCH: + (fiercely) + They've come! What is it? What does that mean? + + (REDDY runs to window and opens the shutters.) + + ALICE: + (jubilantly) + It means--it means that twenty men are crossing that lawn. It + means that while you sat drinking there, Civilization was racing + toward you at seventy miles an hour! + + HATCH: + Damnation! We're trapped. Get to the wagon--quick! No. Leave + the girl alone. We've no time for that. Drop that stuff. That + way. That way. + + REDDY: + (at window) + No. Get back! Get back! It's too late. There's hundreds of them + out there. + + HATCH: + (running to centre door) + Out here! This way! Quick! + + ALICE: + (mockingly) + Yes, come! You don't dare come this way NOW! + + (She drags open the curtains, disclosing CAPTAIN LUCAS and two + other policemen. For an instant they stand, covering the burglars + with revolvers. REDDY runs to window. He is seized by an entering + crowd of men in the oil-stained blue jeans of engineers and + brakemen.) + + CAPTAIN LUCAS: + Hold up your hands, all of you! I guess I know you. + (With his left hand he tears off HATCH'S mask.) + "Joe" Hatch--at last. + (Pulls off HARRY'S mask.) + And Harry Hayes. I thought so. And that's--the "Kid." The whole + gang. + (To the police.) + Good work, boys. + (To ALICE) + My congratulations, Miss Gardner. They're the worst lot in the + country. You're a brave young lady. You ought-- + + ALICE: + (speaking with an effort and swaying slightly) + Hush, please. Don't--don't alarm my mother. Mother's not as + strong as--as I am. + + (Her eyes close, and she faints across the arm of the Chief of + Police as the CURTAIN FALLS.) + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Miss Civilization, by Richard Harding Davis + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS CIVILIZATION *** + +***** This file should be named 1742.txt or 1742.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/4/1742/ + +Produced by Theresa Aramao + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Amateurs who desire to produce "Miss +Civilization" may do so, providing they apply for permission to +the editor of Collier's Weekly, in which publication this play was +first printed. + + +PEOPLE IN THE PLAY + + +ALICE GARDNER: Daughter of James K. Gardner, President of the L.I. +& W. Railroad + +"UNCLE" JOSEPH HATCH: Alias "Gentleman Joe" + +"BRICK" MEAKIN: Alias "Reddy, the Kid" + +HARRY HAYES: Alias "Grand Stand" Harry + +CAPTAIN LUCAS: Chief of Police + +Policemen, Brakemen, Engineers + + + + +Scene--The dining room in the country house of James K. Gardner +on Long Island. In the back wall is a double doorway opening into +a hall. A curtain divided in the middle hangs across the entrance. +On the wall on either side of the doorway are two electric lights, +and to the left is a telephone. Further to the left is a +sideboard. On it are set silver salvers, candlesticks, and +Christmas presents of silver. They still are in the red flannel +bags in which they arrived. In the left wall is a recessed window +hung with curtains. Against the right wall is a buffet on which is +set a tea-caddy, toast-rack, and tea kettle. Below the buffet a +door opens into the butler's pantry. A dinner table stands well +down the stage with a chair at each end and on either side. Two +chairs are set against the back wall to the right of the door. The +walls and windows are decorated with holly and mistletoe and +Christmas wreaths tied with bows of scarlet ribbon. When the +window is opened there is a view of falling snow. At first the +room is in complete darkness. + +The time is the day after Christmas, near midnight. + +After the curtain rises, one hears the noise of a file scraping +on iron. It comes apparently from outside the house at a point +distant from the dining room. The filing is repeated cautiously, +with a wait between each stroke, as though the person using the +file had paused to listen. + +Alice Gardner enters at centre, carrying a lighted candle in a +silver candlestick. She wears a dressing gown, with swan's down +around her throat and at the edges of her sleeves. Her feet are +in bedroom slippers topped with fur. Her hair hangs down in a +braid. After listening intently to the sound of the file, she +places candle on sideboard and goes to telephone. She speaks in a +whisper. + +ALICE: +Hello, Central. Hello, Central. +(Impatiently) +Wake up! Wake up! Is that you, Central? Give me the station +agent at Bedford Junction--quick. What? I CAN'T speak louder. +Well, you MUST hear me. Give me the station agent at Bedford +Junction. No, there's always a man there all night. Hurry, +please, hurry. +(There is a pause, during which the sound of the file grows louder. +Alice listens apprehensively.) +Hello, are you the station agent? Good! Listen! I am Miss +Gardner, James K. Gardner's daughter. Yes, James K. Gardner, the +president of the road. This is his house. My mother and I are +here alone. There are three men trying to break in. Yes, +burglars, of course. My mother is very ill. If they frighten her +the shock might--might be very serious. Wake up the crew, and send +the wrecking train here--at once. Send--the--crew--of--the-- +wrecking train here--quick. What? Then fire up an engine and get +it here as fast as you can. + +VOICE: +(calling from second story) +Alice! + +ALICE: +(at telephone) +Yes, you have. The up-track's clear until "52" comes along. +That's not until-- + +VOICE: +(Louder) +Alice! + +ALICE: +(with dismay) +Mother! +(At telephone) +Hello, hold the wire. Don't go away! +(Runs to curtains, parts them, and looks up as though speaking to +some one at top of stairs) +Mother, why AREN'T you in bed? + +VOICE: +Is anything wrong, Alice? + +ALICE: +No, dear, no. I just came down to--get a book I forgot. Please go +back, dearest. + +VOICE: +I heard you moving about. I thought you might be ill. + +ALICE: +No, dearest, but YOU'LL be very ill if you don't keep in bed. +Please, mother--at once. It's all right, it's all right. + +VOICE: +Yes, dear. Good night. + +ALICE: +Good night, mother. +(Returns quickly to telephone) +Hello! Hello! Stop the engine at the foot of our lawn. Yes, yes, +at the foot of our lawn. And when you have the house surrounded, +when the men are all around the house, blow three whistles so I'll +know you're here. What? Oh, that's all right. The burglars will +be here. I'LL see to that. All YOU have to do is to GET here. If +you don't you, you'll lose your job! I say, if you don't, you'll +lose your job, or I'm not the daughter of the president of this +road. NOW, YOU JUMP! And--wait--hello +(turns from telephone) +He's jumped. + +(The file is now drawn harshly across the bolt of the window of the +dining room, and a piece of wood snaps. With an exclamation, Alice +blows out the candle and exits. The shutters of the windows are +opened, admitting the faint glow of moonlight. The window is +raised and the ray of a dark lantern is swept about the room. +HATCH appears at window and puts one leg inside. He is an elderly +man wearing a mask which hides the upper half of his face, a heavy +overcoat, and a derby hat. But for the mask he might be mistaken +for a respectable man of business. A pane of glass falls from the +window and breaks on the sill.) + +HATCH: +(Speaking over his shoulder) +Hush! Be careful, can't you? +(He enters. He is followed by "GRAND STAND" HARRY, a younger man +of sporting appearance. He also wears a mask, and the brim of his +gray alpine hat is pulled over his eyes. Around his throat he +wears a heavy silk muffler). +It's all right. Come on. Hurry up, and close those shutters. + +HARRY: +(to REDDY outside) +Give me the bag, Reddy. + +(REDDY appears at window. He is dressed like a Bowery tough. His +face is blackened with burnt cork. His hair is of a brilliant red. +He wears an engineer's silk cap with visor. To HARRY he passes a +half-filled canvas bag. On his shoulder he carries another. On +entering he slips and falls forward on the floor). + +HATCH: +Confound you! + +HARRY: +Hush, you fool. + +HATCH: +Has he broken anything? + +REDDY: +(on floor, rubbing his head) +I've broke my head. + +HATCH: +That's no loss. Has he smashed that silver? + +HARRY: +(feeling in bag) +It feels all right. + +(HATCH cautiously parts curtains at centre and exits into hall.) + +REDDY: +(lifts bag) +We got enough stuff in this bag already without wasting time on +ANOTHER house. + +HARRY: +Wasting time! Time's money in THIS house. Look at this silver. +That's the beauty of working the night AFTER Christmas; everybodys' +presents is lying about loose, and everybody's too tired +celebrating to keep awake. +(Lifts silver loving cup) +Look at that cup! + +REDDY: +I'd rather look at a cup of coffee. + +HARRY: +(Contemptuously) +Ah, you! + +REDDY: +Well, I can't make a meal out of silver ice pitchers, can I? I've +been through three refrigerators tonight, and nothing in any of em +but bottles of MILK! MILK! + +HARRY: +Get up, get up, get to work. + +REDDY: +The folks in this town are the stingiest I ever see. I won't visit +em again, no matter how often they ask me. +(Rising and crossing to buffet) +I wonder if these folks is vegetarians, too. + +(HATCH enters) + +HATCH: +It seems all right. There's no light, and everybody's quiet. +(To HARRY) +You work the bedrooms. I'll clear away those things. Don't be +rough, now. + +HARRY: +I know my business. Give me the light. +(Takes lantern and exits centre) + +HATCH: +Hist, Reddy. Reddy, leave that alone. That's not safe. +(Removes silver from sideboard to bag). + +REDDY: +I know it ain't, governor. I'm lookin' for somethin' to eat. +(He kneels in front of buffet, and opens door.) + +HATCH: +No, you're not! You're not here to eat. Come and give me a hand +with this stuff. + +REDDY: +Gee! I've found a bottle of whiskey. +(Takes bottle from buffet and begins to pull at the cork.) + +HATCH: +Well, you put it right back where you found it. + +REDDY: +I know a better place than that to put it. + +HATCH: +How many times have I told you I'll not let you drink in business +hours? + +REDDY: +Oh, just once, governor; it's a cruel, cold night. +(Coughs.) +I need it for medicine. + +HATCH: +No, I tell you! + +REDDY: +Just ONE dose. Here's to you. +(Drinks.) +Oh, Lord! +(He sputters and coughs violently.) + +HATCH: +(starts toward him) +Hush! Stop that, you fool. + +REDDY: +Oh, Im poisoned! That's benzine, governor. What do you think of +that? Benzine! It's burned me throat out. + +HATCH: +I wish it had burned your tongue out! CAN'T you keep still? + +REDDY: +Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Think of a man puttin' benzine in a whiskey +bottle! That's dishonest, that is. Using a revenue stamp twice is +defraudin' the Government. I could have him arrested for that. +(Pause.) +If I wanted to. +(Pause.) +But I don't want to. + +HATCH: +Oh, quit that--and come here. Get out the window, and I'll hand +the bag to you. Put it under the seat of the wagon, and cover it +up with the lap robe. + +(REDDY steps to centre door and, parting the curtains, leans into +the hall beyond, listening.) + +REDDY: +Go slow. I ain't to leave here till Harry is safe on the ground +floor again. + +HATCH: +Don't you worry about Harry. He won't get into trouble. + +REDDY: +Sure HE won't. It's ME and YOU he'll get into trouble. You hadn't +ought to send HIM to do second-story work. + +HATCH: +(Contemptuously) +No? + +REDDY: +No; he's too tender-hearted. A second-story worker ought to use +his gun. + +HATCH: +Oh, you! You'll fire your gun too often some day. + +REDDY: +No, I won't. I did once, but I didn't do it again for six years. +But Harry--ah, he's too tender-hearted. If Harry was a chicken +thief, before he'd wring a chicken's neck he'd give it laughing +gas. Why, you remember the lady that woke up and begged him to +give her back a gold watch because it belonged to her little +girl who was dead. Well--it turned out the little girl wasn't +dead. It turned out the little girl was a big boy, alive and +kicking--especially kicking. He kicked me into a rose bush. + +HATCH: +That'll do. Harry's learning his trade. He'll pick it up in time. + +REDDY: +About time he picked up something. Remember the Gainesville Bank; +where he went away leaving ten thousand dollars in the back of the +safe. "Why didn't he pick THAT up? + +HATCH: +Because it wasn't there. Bank directors always say that--to make +us feel bad. Hush! + +(HARRY enters, carrying his silk muffler, which now is wrapped +about a collection of jewels and watches.) + +HATCH: +That's quick work. What did you get? + +HARRY: +Some neck strings, and rings, and two watches. + +(He spreads the muffler on the table. The three men examine the +jewelry.) + +HATCH: +That looks good. Who's up there? + +HARRY: +Only an old lady and a young girl in the room over this. And she's +a beauty, too. +(Sentimentally.) +Sleeping there just as sweet and peaceful-- + +REDDY: +Ah, why don't you give her back HER watch? Maybe she's ANOTHER +dead daughter. + +HATCH: +That's all right, Harry. That's good stuff. Pick up that bag, +Reddy. We can go now. + +(HARRY places muffler and jewels in an inside coat pocket. REDDY +takes up the dark lantern.) + +REDDY: +Go? Not till I've got something to eat. + +HATCH: +No, you don't. You can wait till later for something to eat. + +REDDY: +Yes, I can wait till later for something to eat, but I can wait +better if I eat now. +(Exit into pantry.) + +HATCH: +Confound him. If I knew the roads around here as well as he does, +I'd drive off and leave him. That appetite of his will send us to +jail some day. + +HARRY: +Well, to tell the truth, governor, a little supper wouldn't hurt my +feelings. +(Goes to buffet.) +I wonder where old man Gardner keeps his Havanas? I'd like a +Christmas present of a box of cigars. Are there any over here? + +HATCH: +I didn't look. I gave up robbing tills when I was quite a boy. +(Carries bag toward window and looks out.) + +HARRY: +(Takes box of cigars from buffet) +Ah, here they are. +(With disgust.) +Domestics! What do you think of that? Made in Vermont. The +"Admiral Dewey" cigar. Gee! What was the use of Dewey's taking +Manila, if I've got to smoke Vermont cigars? + +(REDDY enters, carrying tray with food and a bottle.) + +REDDY: +Say, fellers, look at this layout. These is real people in this +house. I found cold birds, and ham, and all kinds of pie, and real +wine. +(Places tray on right end of table.) +Sit down, and make yourselves perfectly at home. + +HARRY: +Well, well, that does look good. +(Places box of cigars at upper end of table, and seats himself.) +Better have a bite, governor. + +HATCH: +No, I tell you. +(He sits angrily in chair at left end of table, with his face +turned toward the curtains.) + +REDDY: +Oh, come on. It don't cost you nothing. +(The light from the candle is seen approaching the curtains.) + +HATCH: +Hush! Look there! + +(He rises, lifting his chair above his head, and advances on tiptoe +to right of curtains, where he stands with the chair raised as +though to strike. + +HARRY points revolver at curtains. + +REDDY shifts the lantern to his left hand and, standing close to +HARRY, also points a revolver. + +ALICE appears between curtains. She is dressed as before, and in +her left hand carries the candle, while the forefinger of her right +hand is held warningly to her lips. For an instant she pauses, in +the ring of light from the lantern.) + +ALICE: +(Whispering) +Hush! Don't make a noise. Don't make a noise, please. + +(There is a long pause.) + +REDDY: +Well, I'll be hung! + +ALICE: +(To REDDY) +Please don't make a noise. + +HATCH: +(in a threatening whisper) +Don't YOU make a noise. + +ALICE: +I don't mean to. My mother is asleep upstairs and she is very ill. +And I don't want to wake her--and I don't want you to wake her, +either. + +REDDY: +"Well, I'll be hung! + +HATCH: +(Angrily) +Who else is in this house? + +ALICE: +No one but mother and the maid servants, and they're asleep. You +woke me, and I hoped you'd go without disturbing mother. But when +you started in making a night of it, I decided I'd better come down +and ask you to be as quiet as possible. My mother is not at all +well. +(Takes cigar box off table.) +Excuse me, you've got the wrong cigars. Those are the cigars +father keeps for his friends. Those he smokes he hides over here. +(Places box on buffet and takes out a larger box, with partitions +for cigars, matches, and cigarettes. As she moves about, REDDY +keeps her well in the light of the lantern.) +Try those. I'm afraid you've a very poor supper. When father is +away, we have such a small family. I can't see what you've--would +you mind taking that light out of my eyes, and pointing it at that +tray? + +HATCH: +(sharply) +Don't you do it. Keep the gun on her. + +ALICE: +Oh, I don't mind his pointing the gun at me, so long as he does not +point that light at me. It's most--embarrassing. +(Sternly.) +Turn it down there, please. +(REDDY lets light fall on tray.) +Why, that's cooking sherry you've got. You can't drink THAT! Let +me get you some whiskey. + +REDDY: +(covering her with lantern) +No, you don't. That's not whiskey. It's benzine. + +ALICE: +You don't mean to say that that benzine bottle is there STILL? I +told Jane to take it away. + +REDDY: +(dryly) +Well, Jane didn't do it. + +ALICE: +Now, isn't that just like Jane? I told her it might set fire to +the house and burn us alive. + +REDDY: +It nearly burned me alive. + +ALICE: +I'm so sorry. +(Takes from buffet a tray holding whiskey bottle, siphon, and three +glasses.) +Here, this is what you want. But, perhaps you don't like Scotch. + +HATCH: +Don't you touch that, Reddy. +(Returns to chair at left of table.) + +REDDY: +Why not? + +ALICE: +(pours whiskey into a glass) +Yes; why not? It's not poison. There's nothing wrong with this +bottle. If you're afraid, I'll prove it to you. Just to show you +there's not a trace of hard feelings. +(Drinks and coughs violently.) + +REDDY: +(sympathetically) +SHE'S got the benzine bottle, too. + +ALICE: +No. I'm not quite used to that. +(To HARRY) +Excuse me, but aren't you getting tired holding that big pistol? +Don't you think you might put it down now, and help me serve this +supper? +(HARRY does not move.) +No? Well, then, let the colored gentleman help me. +(HARRY and REDDY wheel sharply, each pointing his revolver.) + +REDDY: +Colored man! Where? + +HARRY: +Colored man! It's a trap! + +(Seeing no one, they turn.) + +ALICE: +(to REDDY) +Oh, pardon me. Aren't you a colored person? + +REDDY: +Me! Colored? You never see a colored man with hair like that, did +you? +(Points lantern at his head.) +This isn't my real face, lady. Why, out of office hours, I've a +complexion like cream and roses. +(Indignantly.) +Colored man! + +ALICE: +I beg your pardon, but I can't see very well. Don't you think it +would be more cheerful if we had a little more light? + +HATCH: +No! +(To REDDY.) +Drop that. We've got to go. +(To ALICE.) +And before we go, I've got to fix you. + +ALICE: +Fix me--how "fix" me? + +HATCH: +I'm sorry, Miss, but it's your own fault. You shouldn't have tried +to see us. Now that you HAVE, before we leave, I've got to tie you +to a chair--and gag you. + +ALICE: +Oh, really--all of that? + +HATCH: +I can't have you raising the neighborhood until we get well away. + +ALICE: +I see. But--gagged--I'll look so foolish. + +REDDY: +Well, there's no hurry. We won't get well away until I've had +something to eat. + +ALICE: +Quite right. +(To Hatch.) You can tie me in a chair later, Mr. _______. But now +you must remember that I am your hostess. +(To REDDY.) +You'll find plates in the pantry, please. + +REDDY: +Oh, I don't use them things. + +ALICE: +You'll use "them things" when you eat with me. Go, do as I tell +you, please. +(REDDY exits..) +And you--put away that silly gun and help him. + +HATCH: +Stay where you are. + +HARRY: +Oh, what's the rush, governor? She can't hurt nobody. And I'm +near starved, too. +(Exit into pantry.) + +HATCH: +This is the last time I take YOU out. + +ALICE: +(arranging the food upon the table) +Now, why are you so peevish to everybody? Why don't you be +sociable, and take some supper? +(Glances at sideboard.) +You seem to have taken everything else. Oh, that reminds me. +Would you object to loaning me about--four, six--about six of our +knives and forks? Just for the supper. I suppose we can borrow +from the neighbors for breakfast. Unless you've been calling on +the neighbors, too. + +HATCH: +Oh, anything to oblige a lady. +(Threateningly.) +But no tricks, now! + +ALICE: +Oh, I can't promise that, because I mightn't be able to keep my +promise. + +(HATCH brings silver knives and forks from the bag.) + +HATCH: +I'll risk all the tricks you know. Nobody's got much the better of +me in the last twenty years. + +ALICE: +Have you been a burglar twenty years? You must have begun very +young. I can't see your face very well, but I shouldn't say you +were--over forty. Do take that mask off. It looks so--unsociable. +Don't be afraid of me. I've a perfectly shocking memory for faces. +Now, I'm sure that under that unbecoming and terrifying exterior +you are hiding a kind and fatherly countenance. Am I right? +(Laughs.) +Why do you wear it? + +HATCH: +(roughly) +To keep my face warm. + +ALICE: +Oh, pardon me, my mistake. + +(A locomotive whistle is heard at a distance. ALICE listens +eagerly. As the whistle dies away and is not repeated, her face +shows her disappointment.) + +HATCH: +What was that? There's no trains this time of night. + +ALICE: +(speaking partly to herself) +It was a freight train, going the other way. + +HATCH: +(suspiciously) +The other way? The other way from where? + +ALICE: +From where it started. Do you know, I've always wanted to meet a +burglar. But it's so difficult. They go out so seldom. + +HATCH: +Yes, and they arrive so late. + +ALICE: +(laughingly) +Now, that's much better. It's so nice of you to have a sense of +humor. While you're there, just close those blinds, please, so +that the neighbors can't see what scandalous hours we keep. And +then you can make a light. This is much too gloomy for a supper +party. + +HATCH: +(closing shutters) +Yes, if those were shut it might be safer. + +(He closes shutters and turns on the two electric lights. REDDY +and HARRY enter, carrying plates.) + +HARRY: +We aren't regular waiters, miss, but we think we're pretty good for +amateurs. + +REDDY: +We haven't forgot nothing. Not even napkins. Have some napkins? + +(Places a pile of folded napkins in front of ALICE. Then sits at +head of table, HARRY to lower right of table. ALICE moves her +chair away from the table, but keeping REDDY on her right. HATCH +sits still further away from the table on her left.) + +ALICE: +Thanks. Put the plates down there. And may I help you to some-- + +REDDY: +(taking food in fingers) +Oh, we'll help ourselves. + +ALICE: +Of course you're accustomed to helping yourselves, aren't you? +(To HATCH.) +Won't you join them? + +HATCH: +No. + +(Through the scene which follows, REDDY and HARRY continue to eat +and drink heartily.) + +ALICE: +No? Well, then, while they're having supper, you and I will talk. +If you're going to gag me soon, I want to talk while I can. +(Rises and hands box to him.) +Have a cigar? + +HATCH: +(takes cigar) +Thanks. + +ALICE: +(standing with hand on back of chair) +Now, I want to ask you some questions. You are an intelligent man. +Of course, you must be, or you couldn't have kept out of jail for +twenty years. To get on in your business, a man must be +intelligent, and he must have nerve, and courage. Now--with those +qualities, why, may I ask-- why are you so stupid as to be a +burglar? + +HARRY: +Stupid! + +REDDY: +Well, I like that! + +HATCH: +Stupid? Why, I make a living at it. + +ALICE: +How much of a living? + +HATCH: +Ten thousand a year. + +ALICE: +Ten thousand--well, suppose you made FIFTY thousand. What good is +even a hundred thousand for ONE year, if to get it you risk +going to prison for twenty years? That's not sensible. Merely as +a business proposition, to take the risk you do for ten thousand +dollars is stupid isn't it? I can understand a man's risking +twenty years of his life for some things--a man like Peary or +Dewey, or Santos-Dumont. They took big risks for big prizes. But +there's thousands of men in this country, not half as clever as you +are, earning ten thousand a year--without any risk of going to +jail. None of THEM is afraid to go out in public with his wife and +children. THEY'RE not afraid to ask a policeman what time it is. +They don't have to wear black masks, nor ruin their beautiful +complexions with burnt cork. + +REDDY: +Ah, go on. Who'd give ME a job? + +ALICE: +Whom did you ever ask for one? + +REDDY: +(to HARRY) +Pass me some more of that pie like mother used to make. + +HATCH: +Yes, there are clerks and shopkeepers working behind a counter +twenty-four hours a day, but they don't make ten thousand a year, +and no one ever hears of THEM. There's no FAME in their job. + +ALICE: +Fame! Oh, how interesting. Are you--a celebrity? + +HATCH: +I'm quite as well known as I care to be. Now, tomorrow, all the +papers will be talking about this. There'll be columns about us +three. No one will know we are the ones they're talking about-- + +REDDY: +I hope not. + +HATCH: +But the men in our profession will know. And they'll say, "That +was a neat job of So-and-so's last night." That's fame. Why, +we've got a reputation from one end of this country to the other. + +HARRY: +That's right! There's some of us just as well known as--Mister-- +Santos--Dumont. + +REDDY: +And we fly just as high, too. + +ALICE: +(to HATCH) +I suppose YOU--I suppose you're quite a FAMOUS burglar? + +REDDY: +Him? Why, he's as well known as Billy the Kid. + +ALICE: +Billy the kid, really! He sounds SO attractive. But I'm afraid--I +don't think--that I ever heard of HIM. + +REDDY: +Never heard of Billy the Kid? What do you think of that? + +HATCH: +Well, then, I'm as well known as "Brace" Phillips, the Manhattan +Bank robber. + +REDDY: +SURE he is. + +HATCH: +Don't tell me you never heard of him? + +ALICE: +I'm afraid not. + +HATCH: +Why, he's a head-liner. He's as well known as George Post. Coppy +Farrell? Billy Porter? + +ALICE: +No. There you are. Now, you claim there is fame in this +profession, and you have named five men who are at the top of it, +and I've never heard of one of them. And I read the papers, too. + +REDDY: +Well, there's OTHER ladies who have heard of us. Real ladies. +When I was doing my last bit in jail, I got a thousand letters from +ladies asking for me photograph, and offering to marry me. + +ALICE: +Really? Well, that only proves that men--AS HUSBANDS--are more +desirable in jail than out. +(To HATCH) +No, it's a poor life. + +HATCH: +It's a poor life you people lead with us to worry you. There's +seventy millions of you in the United States, and only a few of us, +and yet we keep you guessing all the year round. Why, we're the +last thing you think of at night when you lock the doors, we're the +first thing you think of in the morning when you feel for the +silver basket. We're just a few up against seventy millions. I +tell you there's fame and big money and a free life in my business. + +ALICE: +Yes, it's a free life until you go to jail. It's this way. You're +barbarians, and there's no place for you in a civilized community-- +except in jail. Everybody is working against you. Every city has +its police force;almost every house nowadays has a private +watchman. And if we want to raise a hue and cry after you, there +are the newspapers, and the telegraph, and the telephone +(nods at telephone) +and the cables all over the-- + +HATCH: +(Grimly) +Thank you. One moment, please. +(Throws open overcoat, showing that it is lined with burglars' +jimmies, chisels, and augers..) + +ALICE: +My! What an interesting coat. It looks like a tool chest. Just +the coat for an automobile trip. + +HATCH: +Harry, cut those telephone wires. +(Hands barbed-wire cutter to HARRY. To ALICE) +Thank you for reminding me. + +ALICE: +Oh, not at all. You've nothing to thank me for. +(HARRY goes to telephone. To HARRY) +Don't make a noise doing that. Don't wake my mother. +(To HATCH) +She's nervous, and she's ill, and if you wake her, or frighten her, +I'll keep the police after you until every one of you is in jail. + +HATCH: +You won't keep after us very far when I've tied you up. Bring me +those curtain cords, Harry. + +ALICE: +Oh, really, that's too ridiculous. +(Listens apprehensively) + +HATCH: +Sorry I had to bust up your still alarm, but after we go, we can't +have you chatting with the police. If you hadn't so kindly given +me a tip about the telephone, I might have gone off and clean +forgot that. + +(HARRY takes curtain cords from window curtains.) + +REDDY: +I'm afraid pretty polly talked too much that time. We ain't all +stupid. + +ALICE: +No, so I see, so I see. It was careless of me. But everybody you +call upon may not be so careless. + +HATCH: +Well, I've won out for twenty years. I've never been in jail. + +ALICE: +Don't worry. You're young. I told you you looked young. Your +time is coming. In these days there's no room for burglars. You +belong to the days of stage-coaches. You're old-fashioned now. +You're trying to fight civilization, that's what you're trying to +do. You may keep ahead for a time, but in a long race I'll back +civilization to win. + +HATCH: +Is that so? Well, Miss Civilization, you've had your say, and I +hope you feel better. +(To HARRY) +Give me that silk muffler of yours. +(To ALICE) +If civilization is going to help you, it's got to hurry. + +ALICE: +You don't mean to say you really are going to gag me? + +HATCH: +I am. + +ALICE: +My! But I shall look silly. +(With her face turned right she listens apprehensively.) + +HARRY: +(Coming down with curtain cords, and taking muffler from his +pocket) +I've got the stuff in this muffler. + +HATCH: +Well, give me that, too. +(Shows inside coat pocket) +I'll put it in the safe. + +(HARRY places muffler on table, exposing jewelry.) + +HATCH: +(begins placing the ornaments one at a time in his pocket. To +ALICE.) +What is it? What did you hear? + +ALICE: +I--I thought I heard my mother moving about. + +HATCH: +Well, she'd better not move about. + +ALICE: +(Fiercely) +You'd better not wake her. +(Sees the jewels.) +Oh! Look at the "graft," or is it "swag?" Which is it? + +HATCH: +(To HARRY) +Cover em up; cover it up. + +(HARRY tries to hide the jewels with one hand, while he passes a +lady's watch to HATCH.) + +HARRY: +(to ALICE) +That's YOUR watch. I'm sorry it has to go. + +ALICE: +I'm not. It's the first time it ever did go. And, oh, thank you +for taking that big brooch. It's a gift of father's, so I had to +wear it, but it's so unbecoming. +(She listens covertly.) + +HATCH: +Put your hat on them. Cover them up. +(HARRY partly covers jewels with his hat. + +HATCH lifts a diamond necklace.) + +ALICE: +I suppose you know your own business--but THAT IS PASTE. + +HATCH: +Do you want to be gagged NOW? + +ALICE: +Pardon me, of course you know what you want. +(Notices another necklace.) +Oh, that Mrs. Warren's necklace! So you called on her, too, did +you? Isn't she attractive! + +REDDY: +We didn't ask for the lady of the house. They ain't always as +sociable as you are. + +ALICE: +Well, that's her necklace. You got that at the house on the hill +with the red roof--the house has the red roof, not the hill. +(She recognizes, with an exclamation, a gold locket and chain which +HATCH is about to place in his pocket.) +Oh! That's Mrs. Lowell's locket! How could you! +(She snatches locket from HATCH, and clasps it in both hands. She +rises indignantly.) +How dared you take that! + +HATCH: +Put that down! + +ALICE: +(wildly and rapidly) +No, I will not. Do you know what that means to that woman? She +cares more for that than for anything in this world. Her husband +used to wear this. +(Points.) +That's a lock of their child's hair. The child's dead, and the +husband's dead, and that's all she has left of either of them. And +you TOOK it, YOU BRUTES! + +REDDY: +Of course we took it. Why does she wear it where everybody can see +it? + +HATCH: +(savagely) +Keep quiet, you fool. + +ALICE: +She WORE it? You took it--FROM HER? + +HATCH: +We didn't hurt her. We only frightened her a bit. +(Angrily.) +And we'll frighten you before we're done with you, Miss +Civilization! + +ALICE: +(defiantly, her voice rising) +Frighten me! You--you with your faces covered! You're not men +enough. You're afraid to even steal from men. You rob WOMEN when +they're alone--at night. +(Holds up locket.) +Try to take that from me! + +VOICE: +(calling) +Alice--Alice! + +ALICE: +Mother! Oh, I forgot, I forgot. +(The burglars rise and move toward her menacingly.) +Please, please keep quiet. For God's sake, don't--let--her--know! + +VOICE: +Alice, what's wrong? Who are you talking to? + +(ALICE runs to the curtains, with one hand held out to the +burglars, entreating silence.) + +ALICE: +I'm--I'm talking to James, the coachman. One of the horses is ill. +Don't come down, mother. Don't come down. Go back to bed. He's +going now, right away. He came for some medicine. It's all right. +Good night, mother. + +VOICE: +Can't I help? + +ALICE: +(Vehemently) +No, no. Good night, mother. + +VOICE: +Good night. + +HATCH: +(fiercely, to HARRY) +That's enough of this! We can't leave here with the whole house +awake. And there's a coachman, too. She'll wake him next. He'll +have the whole damned village after us. +(To ALICE) +That woman upstairs and you have got to have your tongues stopped. + +ALICE: +(standing in front of curtains) +You try to go near that woman! She's ill, she's feeble, she's my-- +mother! You dare to touch her. + +HATCH: +Get out of my way. + +ALICE: +She's ill, you cowards. It will kill her. You'll have to kill me +before you get through this door. + +HATCH: +(savagely) +Well, then, if it comes to that-- + +(Three locomotive whistles are heard from just outside the house. +ALICE throws up her hands hysterically.) + +ALICE: +Ah! At last! They've come. They've come! + +HATCH: +(fiercely) +They've come! What is it? What does that mean? + +(REDDY runs to window and opens the shutters.) + +ALICE: +(jubilantly) +It means--it means that twenty men are crossing that lawn. It +means that while you sat drinking there, Civilization was racing +toward you at seventy miles an hour! + +HATCH: +Damnation! We're trapped. Get to the wagon--quick! No. Leave +the girl alone. We've no time for that. Drop that stuff. That +way. That way. + +REDDY: +(at window) +No. Get back! Get back! It's too late. There's hundreds of them +out there. + +HATCH: +(running to centre door) +Out here! This way! Quick! + +ALICE: +(mockingly) +Yes, come! You don't dare come this way NOW! + +(She drags open the curtains, disclosing CAPTAIN LUCAS and two +other policemen. For an instant they stand, covering the burglars +with revolvers. REDDY runs to window. He is seized by an entering +crowd of men in the oil-stained blue jeans of engineers and +brakemen.) + +CAPTAIN LUCAS: +Hold up your hands, all of you! I guess I know you. +(With his left hand he tears off HATCH'S mask.) +"Joe" Hatch--at last. +(Pulls off HARRY'S mask.) +And Harry Hayes. I thought so. And that's--the "Kid." The whole +gang. +(To the police.) +Good work, boys. +(To ALICE) +My congratulations, Miss Gardner. They're the worst lot in the +country. You're a brave young lady. You ought-- + +ALICE: +(speaking with an effort and swaying slightly) +Hush, please. Don't--don't alarm my mother. Mother's not as +strong as--as I am. + +(Her eyes close, and she faints across the arm of the Chief of +Police as the CURTAIN FALLS.) + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of Miss Civilization by R. H. Davis + diff --git a/old/miscv10.zip b/old/miscv10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8410164 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/miscv10.zip |