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diff --git a/old/miscv10.txt b/old/miscv10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9bb3bba --- /dev/null +++ b/old/miscv10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1517 @@ +***The Project Gutenberg Etext of Miss Civilization, by Davis*** +#12 in our series by Richard Harding Davis + + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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Amateurs who desire to produce "Miss +Civilization" may do so, providing they apply for permission to +the editor of Collier's Weekly, in which publication this play was +first printed. + + +PEOPLE IN THE PLAY + + +ALICE GARDNER: Daughter of James K. Gardner, President of the L.I. +& W. Railroad + +"UNCLE" JOSEPH HATCH: Alias "Gentleman Joe" + +"BRICK" MEAKIN: Alias "Reddy, the Kid" + +HARRY HAYES: Alias "Grand Stand" Harry + +CAPTAIN LUCAS: Chief of Police + +Policemen, Brakemen, Engineers + + + + +Scene--The dining room in the country house of James K. Gardner +on Long Island. In the back wall is a double doorway opening into +a hall. A curtain divided in the middle hangs across the entrance. +On the wall on either side of the doorway are two electric lights, +and to the left is a telephone. Further to the left is a +sideboard. On it are set silver salvers, candlesticks, and +Christmas presents of silver. They still are in the red flannel +bags in which they arrived. In the left wall is a recessed window +hung with curtains. Against the right wall is a buffet on which is +set a tea-caddy, toast-rack, and tea kettle. Below the buffet a +door opens into the butler's pantry. A dinner table stands well +down the stage with a chair at each end and on either side. Two +chairs are set against the back wall to the right of the door. The +walls and windows are decorated with holly and mistletoe and +Christmas wreaths tied with bows of scarlet ribbon. When the +window is opened there is a view of falling snow. At first the +room is in complete darkness. + +The time is the day after Christmas, near midnight. + +After the curtain rises, one hears the noise of a file scraping +on iron. It comes apparently from outside the house at a point +distant from the dining room. The filing is repeated cautiously, +with a wait between each stroke, as though the person using the +file had paused to listen. + +Alice Gardner enters at centre, carrying a lighted candle in a +silver candlestick. She wears a dressing gown, with swan's down +around her throat and at the edges of her sleeves. Her feet are +in bedroom slippers topped with fur. Her hair hangs down in a +braid. After listening intently to the sound of the file, she +places candle on sideboard and goes to telephone. She speaks in a +whisper. + +ALICE: +Hello, Central. Hello, Central. +(Impatiently) +Wake up! Wake up! Is that you, Central? Give me the station +agent at Bedford Junction--quick. What? I CAN'T speak louder. +Well, you MUST hear me. Give me the station agent at Bedford +Junction. No, there's always a man there all night. Hurry, +please, hurry. +(There is a pause, during which the sound of the file grows louder. +Alice listens apprehensively.) +Hello, are you the station agent? Good! Listen! I am Miss +Gardner, James K. Gardner's daughter. Yes, James K. Gardner, the +president of the road. This is his house. My mother and I are +here alone. There are three men trying to break in. Yes, +burglars, of course. My mother is very ill. If they frighten her +the shock might--might be very serious. Wake up the crew, and send +the wrecking train here--at once. Send--the--crew--of--the-- +wrecking train here--quick. What? Then fire up an engine and get +it here as fast as you can. + +VOICE: +(calling from second story) +Alice! + +ALICE: +(at telephone) +Yes, you have. The up-track's clear until "52" comes along. +That's not until-- + +VOICE: +(Louder) +Alice! + +ALICE: +(with dismay) +Mother! +(At telephone) +Hello, hold the wire. Don't go away! +(Runs to curtains, parts them, and looks up as though speaking to +some one at top of stairs) +Mother, why AREN'T you in bed? + +VOICE: +Is anything wrong, Alice? + +ALICE: +No, dear, no. I just came down to--get a book I forgot. Please go +back, dearest. + +VOICE: +I heard you moving about. I thought you might be ill. + +ALICE: +No, dearest, but YOU'LL be very ill if you don't keep in bed. +Please, mother--at once. It's all right, it's all right. + +VOICE: +Yes, dear. Good night. + +ALICE: +Good night, mother. +(Returns quickly to telephone) +Hello! Hello! Stop the engine at the foot of our lawn. Yes, yes, +at the foot of our lawn. And when you have the house surrounded, +when the men are all around the house, blow three whistles so I'll +know you're here. What? Oh, that's all right. The burglars will +be here. I'LL see to that. All YOU have to do is to GET here. If +you don't you, you'll lose your job! I say, if you don't, you'll +lose your job, or I'm not the daughter of the president of this +road. NOW, YOU JUMP! And--wait--hello +(turns from telephone) +He's jumped. + +(The file is now drawn harshly across the bolt of the window of the +dining room, and a piece of wood snaps. With an exclamation, Alice +blows out the candle and exits. The shutters of the windows are +opened, admitting the faint glow of moonlight. The window is +raised and the ray of a dark lantern is swept about the room. +HATCH appears at window and puts one leg inside. He is an elderly +man wearing a mask which hides the upper half of his face, a heavy +overcoat, and a derby hat. But for the mask he might be mistaken +for a respectable man of business. A pane of glass falls from the +window and breaks on the sill.) + +HATCH: +(Speaking over his shoulder) +Hush! Be careful, can't you? +(He enters. He is followed by "GRAND STAND" HARRY, a younger man +of sporting appearance. He also wears a mask, and the brim of his +gray alpine hat is pulled over his eyes. Around his throat he +wears a heavy silk muffler). +It's all right. Come on. Hurry up, and close those shutters. + +HARRY: +(to REDDY outside) +Give me the bag, Reddy. + +(REDDY appears at window. He is dressed like a Bowery tough. His +face is blackened with burnt cork. His hair is of a brilliant red. +He wears an engineer's silk cap with visor. To HARRY he passes a +half-filled canvas bag. On his shoulder he carries another. On +entering he slips and falls forward on the floor). + +HATCH: +Confound you! + +HARRY: +Hush, you fool. + +HATCH: +Has he broken anything? + +REDDY: +(on floor, rubbing his head) +I've broke my head. + +HATCH: +That's no loss. Has he smashed that silver? + +HARRY: +(feeling in bag) +It feels all right. + +(HATCH cautiously parts curtains at centre and exits into hall.) + +REDDY: +(lifts bag) +We got enough stuff in this bag already without wasting time on +ANOTHER house. + +HARRY: +Wasting time! Time's money in THIS house. Look at this silver. +That's the beauty of working the night AFTER Christmas; everybodys' +presents is lying about loose, and everybody's too tired +celebrating to keep awake. +(Lifts silver loving cup) +Look at that cup! + +REDDY: +I'd rather look at a cup of coffee. + +HARRY: +(Contemptuously) +Ah, you! + +REDDY: +Well, I can't make a meal out of silver ice pitchers, can I? I've +been through three refrigerators tonight, and nothing in any of em +but bottles of MILK! MILK! + +HARRY: +Get up, get up, get to work. + +REDDY: +The folks in this town are the stingiest I ever see. I won't visit +em again, no matter how often they ask me. +(Rising and crossing to buffet) +I wonder if these folks is vegetarians, too. + +(HATCH enters) + +HATCH: +It seems all right. There's no light, and everybody's quiet. +(To HARRY) +You work the bedrooms. I'll clear away those things. Don't be +rough, now. + +HARRY: +I know my business. Give me the light. +(Takes lantern and exits centre) + +HATCH: +Hist, Reddy. Reddy, leave that alone. That's not safe. +(Removes silver from sideboard to bag). + +REDDY: +I know it ain't, governor. I'm lookin' for somethin' to eat. +(He kneels in front of buffet, and opens door.) + +HATCH: +No, you're not! You're not here to eat. Come and give me a hand +with this stuff. + +REDDY: +Gee! I've found a bottle of whiskey. +(Takes bottle from buffet and begins to pull at the cork.) + +HATCH: +Well, you put it right back where you found it. + +REDDY: +I know a better place than that to put it. + +HATCH: +How many times have I told you I'll not let you drink in business +hours? + +REDDY: +Oh, just once, governor; it's a cruel, cold night. +(Coughs.) +I need it for medicine. + +HATCH: +No, I tell you! + +REDDY: +Just ONE dose. Here's to you. +(Drinks.) +Oh, Lord! +(He sputters and coughs violently.) + +HATCH: +(starts toward him) +Hush! Stop that, you fool. + +REDDY: +Oh, Im poisoned! That's benzine, governor. What do you think of +that? Benzine! It's burned me throat out. + +HATCH: +I wish it had burned your tongue out! CAN'T you keep still? + +REDDY: +Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Think of a man puttin' benzine in a whiskey +bottle! That's dishonest, that is. Using a revenue stamp twice is +defraudin' the Government. I could have him arrested for that. +(Pause.) +If I wanted to. +(Pause.) +But I don't want to. + +HATCH: +Oh, quit that--and come here. Get out the window, and I'll hand +the bag to you. Put it under the seat of the wagon, and cover it +up with the lap robe. + +(REDDY steps to centre door and, parting the curtains, leans into +the hall beyond, listening.) + +REDDY: +Go slow. I ain't to leave here till Harry is safe on the ground +floor again. + +HATCH: +Don't you worry about Harry. He won't get into trouble. + +REDDY: +Sure HE won't. It's ME and YOU he'll get into trouble. You hadn't +ought to send HIM to do second-story work. + +HATCH: +(Contemptuously) +No? + +REDDY: +No; he's too tender-hearted. A second-story worker ought to use +his gun. + +HATCH: +Oh, you! You'll fire your gun too often some day. + +REDDY: +No, I won't. I did once, but I didn't do it again for six years. +But Harry--ah, he's too tender-hearted. If Harry was a chicken +thief, before he'd wring a chicken's neck he'd give it laughing +gas. Why, you remember the lady that woke up and begged him to +give her back a gold watch because it belonged to her little +girl who was dead. Well--it turned out the little girl wasn't +dead. It turned out the little girl was a big boy, alive and +kicking--especially kicking. He kicked me into a rose bush. + +HATCH: +That'll do. Harry's learning his trade. He'll pick it up in time. + +REDDY: +About time he picked up something. Remember the Gainesville Bank; +where he went away leaving ten thousand dollars in the back of the +safe. "Why didn't he pick THAT up? + +HATCH: +Because it wasn't there. Bank directors always say that--to make +us feel bad. Hush! + +(HARRY enters, carrying his silk muffler, which now is wrapped +about a collection of jewels and watches.) + +HATCH: +That's quick work. What did you get? + +HARRY: +Some neck strings, and rings, and two watches. + +(He spreads the muffler on the table. The three men examine the +jewelry.) + +HATCH: +That looks good. Who's up there? + +HARRY: +Only an old lady and a young girl in the room over this. And she's +a beauty, too. +(Sentimentally.) +Sleeping there just as sweet and peaceful-- + +REDDY: +Ah, why don't you give her back HER watch? Maybe she's ANOTHER +dead daughter. + +HATCH: +That's all right, Harry. That's good stuff. Pick up that bag, +Reddy. We can go now. + +(HARRY places muffler and jewels in an inside coat pocket. REDDY +takes up the dark lantern.) + +REDDY: +Go? Not till I've got something to eat. + +HATCH: +No, you don't. You can wait till later for something to eat. + +REDDY: +Yes, I can wait till later for something to eat, but I can wait +better if I eat now. +(Exit into pantry.) + +HATCH: +Confound him. If I knew the roads around here as well as he does, +I'd drive off and leave him. That appetite of his will send us to +jail some day. + +HARRY: +Well, to tell the truth, governor, a little supper wouldn't hurt my +feelings. +(Goes to buffet.) +I wonder where old man Gardner keeps his Havanas? I'd like a +Christmas present of a box of cigars. Are there any over here? + +HATCH: +I didn't look. I gave up robbing tills when I was quite a boy. +(Carries bag toward window and looks out.) + +HARRY: +(Takes box of cigars from buffet) +Ah, here they are. +(With disgust.) +Domestics! What do you think of that? Made in Vermont. The +"Admiral Dewey" cigar. Gee! What was the use of Dewey's taking +Manila, if I've got to smoke Vermont cigars? + +(REDDY enters, carrying tray with food and a bottle.) + +REDDY: +Say, fellers, look at this layout. These is real people in this +house. I found cold birds, and ham, and all kinds of pie, and real +wine. +(Places tray on right end of table.) +Sit down, and make yourselves perfectly at home. + +HARRY: +Well, well, that does look good. +(Places box of cigars at upper end of table, and seats himself.) +Better have a bite, governor. + +HATCH: +No, I tell you. +(He sits angrily in chair at left end of table, with his face +turned toward the curtains.) + +REDDY: +Oh, come on. It don't cost you nothing. +(The light from the candle is seen approaching the curtains.) + +HATCH: +Hush! Look there! + +(He rises, lifting his chair above his head, and advances on tiptoe +to right of curtains, where he stands with the chair raised as +though to strike. + +HARRY points revolver at curtains. + +REDDY shifts the lantern to his left hand and, standing close to +HARRY, also points a revolver. + +ALICE appears between curtains. She is dressed as before, and in +her left hand carries the candle, while the forefinger of her right +hand is held warningly to her lips. For an instant she pauses, in +the ring of light from the lantern.) + +ALICE: +(Whispering) +Hush! Don't make a noise. Don't make a noise, please. + +(There is a long pause.) + +REDDY: +Well, I'll be hung! + +ALICE: +(To REDDY) +Please don't make a noise. + +HATCH: +(in a threatening whisper) +Don't YOU make a noise. + +ALICE: +I don't mean to. My mother is asleep upstairs and she is very ill. +And I don't want to wake her--and I don't want you to wake her, +either. + +REDDY: +"Well, I'll be hung! + +HATCH: +(Angrily) +Who else is in this house? + +ALICE: +No one but mother and the maid servants, and they're asleep. You +woke me, and I hoped you'd go without disturbing mother. But when +you started in making a night of it, I decided I'd better come down +and ask you to be as quiet as possible. My mother is not at all +well. +(Takes cigar box off table.) +Excuse me, you've got the wrong cigars. Those are the cigars +father keeps for his friends. Those he smokes he hides over here. +(Places box on buffet and takes out a larger box, with partitions +for cigars, matches, and cigarettes. As she moves about, REDDY +keeps her well in the light of the lantern.) +Try those. I'm afraid you've a very poor supper. When father is +away, we have such a small family. I can't see what you've--would +you mind taking that light out of my eyes, and pointing it at that +tray? + +HATCH: +(sharply) +Don't you do it. Keep the gun on her. + +ALICE: +Oh, I don't mind his pointing the gun at me, so long as he does not +point that light at me. It's most--embarrassing. +(Sternly.) +Turn it down there, please. +(REDDY lets light fall on tray.) +Why, that's cooking sherry you've got. You can't drink THAT! Let +me get you some whiskey. + +REDDY: +(covering her with lantern) +No, you don't. That's not whiskey. It's benzine. + +ALICE: +You don't mean to say that that benzine bottle is there STILL? I +told Jane to take it away. + +REDDY: +(dryly) +Well, Jane didn't do it. + +ALICE: +Now, isn't that just like Jane? I told her it might set fire to +the house and burn us alive. + +REDDY: +It nearly burned me alive. + +ALICE: +I'm so sorry. +(Takes from buffet a tray holding whiskey bottle, siphon, and three +glasses.) +Here, this is what you want. But, perhaps you don't like Scotch. + +HATCH: +Don't you touch that, Reddy. +(Returns to chair at left of table.) + +REDDY: +Why not? + +ALICE: +(pours whiskey into a glass) +Yes; why not? It's not poison. There's nothing wrong with this +bottle. If you're afraid, I'll prove it to you. Just to show you +there's not a trace of hard feelings. +(Drinks and coughs violently.) + +REDDY: +(sympathetically) +SHE'S got the benzine bottle, too. + +ALICE: +No. I'm not quite used to that. +(To HARRY) +Excuse me, but aren't you getting tired holding that big pistol? +Don't you think you might put it down now, and help me serve this +supper? +(HARRY does not move.) +No? Well, then, let the colored gentleman help me. +(HARRY and REDDY wheel sharply, each pointing his revolver.) + +REDDY: +Colored man! Where? + +HARRY: +Colored man! It's a trap! + +(Seeing no one, they turn.) + +ALICE: +(to REDDY) +Oh, pardon me. Aren't you a colored person? + +REDDY: +Me! Colored? You never see a colored man with hair like that, did +you? +(Points lantern at his head.) +This isn't my real face, lady. Why, out of office hours, I've a +complexion like cream and roses. +(Indignantly.) +Colored man! + +ALICE: +I beg your pardon, but I can't see very well. Don't you think it +would be more cheerful if we had a little more light? + +HATCH: +No! +(To REDDY.) +Drop that. We've got to go. +(To ALICE.) +And before we go, I've got to fix you. + +ALICE: +Fix me--how "fix" me? + +HATCH: +I'm sorry, Miss, but it's your own fault. You shouldn't have tried +to see us. Now that you HAVE, before we leave, I've got to tie you +to a chair--and gag you. + +ALICE: +Oh, really--all of that? + +HATCH: +I can't have you raising the neighborhood until we get well away. + +ALICE: +I see. But--gagged--I'll look so foolish. + +REDDY: +Well, there's no hurry. We won't get well away until I've had +something to eat. + +ALICE: +Quite right. +(To Hatch.) You can tie me in a chair later, Mr. _______. But now +you must remember that I am your hostess. +(To REDDY.) +You'll find plates in the pantry, please. + +REDDY: +Oh, I don't use them things. + +ALICE: +You'll use "them things" when you eat with me. Go, do as I tell +you, please. +(REDDY exits..) +And you--put away that silly gun and help him. + +HATCH: +Stay where you are. + +HARRY: +Oh, what's the rush, governor? She can't hurt nobody. And I'm +near starved, too. +(Exit into pantry.) + +HATCH: +This is the last time I take YOU out. + +ALICE: +(arranging the food upon the table) +Now, why are you so peevish to everybody? Why don't you be +sociable, and take some supper? +(Glances at sideboard.) +You seem to have taken everything else. Oh, that reminds me. +Would you object to loaning me about--four, six--about six of our +knives and forks? Just for the supper. I suppose we can borrow +from the neighbors for breakfast. Unless you've been calling on +the neighbors, too. + +HATCH: +Oh, anything to oblige a lady. +(Threateningly.) +But no tricks, now! + +ALICE: +Oh, I can't promise that, because I mightn't be able to keep my +promise. + +(HATCH brings silver knives and forks from the bag.) + +HATCH: +I'll risk all the tricks you know. Nobody's got much the better of +me in the last twenty years. + +ALICE: +Have you been a burglar twenty years? You must have begun very +young. I can't see your face very well, but I shouldn't say you +were--over forty. Do take that mask off. It looks so--unsociable. +Don't be afraid of me. I've a perfectly shocking memory for faces. +Now, I'm sure that under that unbecoming and terrifying exterior +you are hiding a kind and fatherly countenance. Am I right? +(Laughs.) +Why do you wear it? + +HATCH: +(roughly) +To keep my face warm. + +ALICE: +Oh, pardon me, my mistake. + +(A locomotive whistle is heard at a distance. ALICE listens +eagerly. As the whistle dies away and is not repeated, her face +shows her disappointment.) + +HATCH: +What was that? There's no trains this time of night. + +ALICE: +(speaking partly to herself) +It was a freight train, going the other way. + +HATCH: +(suspiciously) +The other way? The other way from where? + +ALICE: +From where it started. Do you know, I've always wanted to meet a +burglar. But it's so difficult. They go out so seldom. + +HATCH: +Yes, and they arrive so late. + +ALICE: +(laughingly) +Now, that's much better. It's so nice of you to have a sense of +humor. While you're there, just close those blinds, please, so +that the neighbors can't see what scandalous hours we keep. And +then you can make a light. This is much too gloomy for a supper +party. + +HATCH: +(closing shutters) +Yes, if those were shut it might be safer. + +(He closes shutters and turns on the two electric lights. REDDY +and HARRY enter, carrying plates.) + +HARRY: +We aren't regular waiters, miss, but we think we're pretty good for +amateurs. + +REDDY: +We haven't forgot nothing. Not even napkins. Have some napkins? + +(Places a pile of folded napkins in front of ALICE. Then sits at +head of table, HARRY to lower right of table. ALICE moves her +chair away from the table, but keeping REDDY on her right. HATCH +sits still further away from the table on her left.) + +ALICE: +Thanks. Put the plates down there. And may I help you to some-- + +REDDY: +(taking food in fingers) +Oh, we'll help ourselves. + +ALICE: +Of course you're accustomed to helping yourselves, aren't you? +(To HATCH.) +Won't you join them? + +HATCH: +No. + +(Through the scene which follows, REDDY and HARRY continue to eat +and drink heartily.) + +ALICE: +No? Well, then, while they're having supper, you and I will talk. +If you're going to gag me soon, I want to talk while I can. +(Rises and hands box to him.) +Have a cigar? + +HATCH: +(takes cigar) +Thanks. + +ALICE: +(standing with hand on back of chair) +Now, I want to ask you some questions. You are an intelligent man. +Of course, you must be, or you couldn't have kept out of jail for +twenty years. To get on in your business, a man must be +intelligent, and he must have nerve, and courage. Now--with those +qualities, why, may I ask-- why are you so stupid as to be a +burglar? + +HARRY: +Stupid! + +REDDY: +Well, I like that! + +HATCH: +Stupid? Why, I make a living at it. + +ALICE: +How much of a living? + +HATCH: +Ten thousand a year. + +ALICE: +Ten thousand--well, suppose you made FIFTY thousand. What good is +even a hundred thousand for ONE year, if to get it you risk +going to prison for twenty years? That's not sensible. Merely as +a business proposition, to take the risk you do for ten thousand +dollars is stupid isn't it? I can understand a man's risking +twenty years of his life for some things--a man like Peary or +Dewey, or Santos-Dumont. They took big risks for big prizes. But +there's thousands of men in this country, not half as clever as you +are, earning ten thousand a year--without any risk of going to +jail. None of THEM is afraid to go out in public with his wife and +children. THEY'RE not afraid to ask a policeman what time it is. +They don't have to wear black masks, nor ruin their beautiful +complexions with burnt cork. + +REDDY: +Ah, go on. Who'd give ME a job? + +ALICE: +Whom did you ever ask for one? + +REDDY: +(to HARRY) +Pass me some more of that pie like mother used to make. + +HATCH: +Yes, there are clerks and shopkeepers working behind a counter +twenty-four hours a day, but they don't make ten thousand a year, +and no one ever hears of THEM. There's no FAME in their job. + +ALICE: +Fame! Oh, how interesting. Are you--a celebrity? + +HATCH: +I'm quite as well known as I care to be. Now, tomorrow, all the +papers will be talking about this. There'll be columns about us +three. No one will know we are the ones they're talking about-- + +REDDY: +I hope not. + +HATCH: +But the men in our profession will know. And they'll say, "That +was a neat job of So-and-so's last night." That's fame. Why, +we've got a reputation from one end of this country to the other. + +HARRY: +That's right! There's some of us just as well known as--Mister-- +Santos--Dumont. + +REDDY: +And we fly just as high, too. + +ALICE: +(to HATCH) +I suppose YOU--I suppose you're quite a FAMOUS burglar? + +REDDY: +Him? Why, he's as well known as Billy the Kid. + +ALICE: +Billy the kid, really! He sounds SO attractive. But I'm afraid--I +don't think--that I ever heard of HIM. + +REDDY: +Never heard of Billy the Kid? What do you think of that? + +HATCH: +Well, then, I'm as well known as "Brace" Phillips, the Manhattan +Bank robber. + +REDDY: +SURE he is. + +HATCH: +Don't tell me you never heard of him? + +ALICE: +I'm afraid not. + +HATCH: +Why, he's a head-liner. He's as well known as George Post. Coppy +Farrell? Billy Porter? + +ALICE: +No. There you are. Now, you claim there is fame in this +profession, and you have named five men who are at the top of it, +and I've never heard of one of them. And I read the papers, too. + +REDDY: +Well, there's OTHER ladies who have heard of us. Real ladies. +When I was doing my last bit in jail, I got a thousand letters from +ladies asking for me photograph, and offering to marry me. + +ALICE: +Really? Well, that only proves that men--AS HUSBANDS--are more +desirable in jail than out. +(To HATCH) +No, it's a poor life. + +HATCH: +It's a poor life you people lead with us to worry you. There's +seventy millions of you in the United States, and only a few of us, +and yet we keep you guessing all the year round. Why, we're the +last thing you think of at night when you lock the doors, we're the +first thing you think of in the morning when you feel for the +silver basket. We're just a few up against seventy millions. I +tell you there's fame and big money and a free life in my business. + +ALICE: +Yes, it's a free life until you go to jail. It's this way. You're +barbarians, and there's no place for you in a civilized community-- +except in jail. Everybody is working against you. Every city has +its police force;almost every house nowadays has a private +watchman. And if we want to raise a hue and cry after you, there +are the newspapers, and the telegraph, and the telephone +(nods at telephone) +and the cables all over the-- + +HATCH: +(Grimly) +Thank you. One moment, please. +(Throws open overcoat, showing that it is lined with burglars' +jimmies, chisels, and augers..) + +ALICE: +My! What an interesting coat. It looks like a tool chest. Just +the coat for an automobile trip. + +HATCH: +Harry, cut those telephone wires. +(Hands barbed-wire cutter to HARRY. To ALICE) +Thank you for reminding me. + +ALICE: +Oh, not at all. You've nothing to thank me for. +(HARRY goes to telephone. To HARRY) +Don't make a noise doing that. Don't wake my mother. +(To HATCH) +She's nervous, and she's ill, and if you wake her, or frighten her, +I'll keep the police after you until every one of you is in jail. + +HATCH: +You won't keep after us very far when I've tied you up. Bring me +those curtain cords, Harry. + +ALICE: +Oh, really, that's too ridiculous. +(Listens apprehensively) + +HATCH: +Sorry I had to bust up your still alarm, but after we go, we can't +have you chatting with the police. If you hadn't so kindly given +me a tip about the telephone, I might have gone off and clean +forgot that. + +(HARRY takes curtain cords from window curtains.) + +REDDY: +I'm afraid pretty polly talked too much that time. We ain't all +stupid. + +ALICE: +No, so I see, so I see. It was careless of me. But everybody you +call upon may not be so careless. + +HATCH: +Well, I've won out for twenty years. I've never been in jail. + +ALICE: +Don't worry. You're young. I told you you looked young. Your +time is coming. In these days there's no room for burglars. You +belong to the days of stage-coaches. You're old-fashioned now. +You're trying to fight civilization, that's what you're trying to +do. You may keep ahead for a time, but in a long race I'll back +civilization to win. + +HATCH: +Is that so? Well, Miss Civilization, you've had your say, and I +hope you feel better. +(To HARRY) +Give me that silk muffler of yours. +(To ALICE) +If civilization is going to help you, it's got to hurry. + +ALICE: +You don't mean to say you really are going to gag me? + +HATCH: +I am. + +ALICE: +My! But I shall look silly. +(With her face turned right she listens apprehensively.) + +HARRY: +(Coming down with curtain cords, and taking muffler from his +pocket) +I've got the stuff in this muffler. + +HATCH: +Well, give me that, too. +(Shows inside coat pocket) +I'll put it in the safe. + +(HARRY places muffler on table, exposing jewelry.) + +HATCH: +(begins placing the ornaments one at a time in his pocket. To +ALICE.) +What is it? What did you hear? + +ALICE: +I--I thought I heard my mother moving about. + +HATCH: +Well, she'd better not move about. + +ALICE: +(Fiercely) +You'd better not wake her. +(Sees the jewels.) +Oh! Look at the "graft," or is it "swag?" Which is it? + +HATCH: +(To HARRY) +Cover em up; cover it up. + +(HARRY tries to hide the jewels with one hand, while he passes a +lady's watch to HATCH.) + +HARRY: +(to ALICE) +That's YOUR watch. I'm sorry it has to go. + +ALICE: +I'm not. It's the first time it ever did go. And, oh, thank you +for taking that big brooch. It's a gift of father's, so I had to +wear it, but it's so unbecoming. +(She listens covertly.) + +HATCH: +Put your hat on them. Cover them up. +(HARRY partly covers jewels with his hat. + +HATCH lifts a diamond necklace.) + +ALICE: +I suppose you know your own business--but THAT IS PASTE. + +HATCH: +Do you want to be gagged NOW? + +ALICE: +Pardon me, of course you know what you want. +(Notices another necklace.) +Oh, that Mrs. Warren's necklace! So you called on her, too, did +you? Isn't she attractive! + +REDDY: +We didn't ask for the lady of the house. They ain't always as +sociable as you are. + +ALICE: +Well, that's her necklace. You got that at the house on the hill +with the red roof--the house has the red roof, not the hill. +(She recognizes, with an exclamation, a gold locket and chain which +HATCH is about to place in his pocket.) +Oh! That's Mrs. Lowell's locket! How could you! +(She snatches locket from HATCH, and clasps it in both hands. She +rises indignantly.) +How dared you take that! + +HATCH: +Put that down! + +ALICE: +(wildly and rapidly) +No, I will not. Do you know what that means to that woman? She +cares more for that than for anything in this world. Her husband +used to wear this. +(Points.) +That's a lock of their child's hair. The child's dead, and the +husband's dead, and that's all she has left of either of them. And +you TOOK it, YOU BRUTES! + +REDDY: +Of course we took it. Why does she wear it where everybody can see +it? + +HATCH: +(savagely) +Keep quiet, you fool. + +ALICE: +She WORE it? You took it--FROM HER? + +HATCH: +We didn't hurt her. We only frightened her a bit. +(Angrily.) +And we'll frighten you before we're done with you, Miss +Civilization! + +ALICE: +(defiantly, her voice rising) +Frighten me! You--you with your faces covered! You're not men +enough. You're afraid to even steal from men. You rob WOMEN when +they're alone--at night. +(Holds up locket.) +Try to take that from me! + +VOICE: +(calling) +Alice--Alice! + +ALICE: +Mother! Oh, I forgot, I forgot. +(The burglars rise and move toward her menacingly.) +Please, please keep quiet. For God's sake, don't--let--her--know! + +VOICE: +Alice, what's wrong? Who are you talking to? + +(ALICE runs to the curtains, with one hand held out to the +burglars, entreating silence.) + +ALICE: +I'm--I'm talking to James, the coachman. One of the horses is ill. +Don't come down, mother. Don't come down. Go back to bed. He's +going now, right away. He came for some medicine. It's all right. +Good night, mother. + +VOICE: +Can't I help? + +ALICE: +(Vehemently) +No, no. Good night, mother. + +VOICE: +Good night. + +HATCH: +(fiercely, to HARRY) +That's enough of this! We can't leave here with the whole house +awake. And there's a coachman, too. She'll wake him next. He'll +have the whole damned village after us. +(To ALICE) +That woman upstairs and you have got to have your tongues stopped. + +ALICE: +(standing in front of curtains) +You try to go near that woman! She's ill, she's feeble, she's my-- +mother! You dare to touch her. + +HATCH: +Get out of my way. + +ALICE: +She's ill, you cowards. It will kill her. You'll have to kill me +before you get through this door. + +HATCH: +(savagely) +Well, then, if it comes to that-- + +(Three locomotive whistles are heard from just outside the house. +ALICE throws up her hands hysterically.) + +ALICE: +Ah! At last! They've come. They've come! + +HATCH: +(fiercely) +They've come! What is it? What does that mean? + +(REDDY runs to window and opens the shutters.) + +ALICE: +(jubilantly) +It means--it means that twenty men are crossing that lawn. It +means that while you sat drinking there, Civilization was racing +toward you at seventy miles an hour! + +HATCH: +Damnation! We're trapped. Get to the wagon--quick! No. Leave +the girl alone. We've no time for that. Drop that stuff. That +way. That way. + +REDDY: +(at window) +No. Get back! Get back! It's too late. There's hundreds of them +out there. + +HATCH: +(running to centre door) +Out here! This way! Quick! + +ALICE: +(mockingly) +Yes, come! You don't dare come this way NOW! + +(She drags open the curtains, disclosing CAPTAIN LUCAS and two +other policemen. For an instant they stand, covering the burglars +with revolvers. REDDY runs to window. He is seized by an entering +crowd of men in the oil-stained blue jeans of engineers and +brakemen.) + +CAPTAIN LUCAS: +Hold up your hands, all of you! I guess I know you. +(With his left hand he tears off HATCH'S mask.) +"Joe" Hatch--at last. +(Pulls off HARRY'S mask.) +And Harry Hayes. I thought so. And that's--the "Kid." The whole +gang. +(To the police.) +Good work, boys. +(To ALICE) +My congratulations, Miss Gardner. They're the worst lot in the +country. You're a brave young lady. You ought-- + +ALICE: +(speaking with an effort and swaying slightly) +Hush, please. Don't--don't alarm my mother. Mother's not as +strong as--as I am. + +(Her eyes close, and she faints across the arm of the Chief of +Police as the CURTAIN FALLS.) + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg Etext of Miss Civilization by R. H. Davis + |