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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/13494-0.txt b/13494-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f0fd1e7 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,582 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13494 *** + +Fables for the Times. + +_By_ H.W. Phillips. + +_Illustrated by_ T.R. Sullivant. + + + + +Contents + +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion +The Dog and the Meat +The Fox and the Grapes +The Fox and the Crow +The Ass in the Lion's Skin +The Horse and the Oyster +The Monkey and the Ass +The Merchant and the Fool +The Wolf and the Sheep +The Ambitious Hippopotamus +The Man and the Serpent +The Appreciative Man +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich +The Idol and the Ass +The Bee and Jupiter +The Lion and the Boar +The Tiger and the Deer +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass +The Shipwrecked Traveler +The Discontented Woman + + + + +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion. + + +A baa-sheep was lying under the paw of a black-maned lion. Whatever was +going to be done had to be done quickly. A thought flashed upon the sheep +and he said: + +"Most dread lord and master, I have heard your voice extolled beyond that +of all others. Will you not sing me a little selection from Wagner before I +die?" + +The lion, touched in his vanity, immediately started up and roared away +until the goose-flesh stood out on the rocks. When he had finished, the +sheep was in tears. + +"What means this?" growled the lion in a rage. "Do you presume to criticise +my singing?" + +"Oh, no!" sobbed the sheep. "That is not it. But I have heard that wool was +the worst thing in the world for the voice, and when I think of the ruin of +that beautiful organ of yours, consequent upon eating me, I weep to think +that I was not born hairless." + +The lion regarded him out of the corner of his eye. Then, in his grandest +manner, said: "Run along home to your ma, little sheep; I was only playing +with you," and walked off through the forest with a great deal of dignity. + +[Illustration: The Baa-Sheep and the Lion.] + + + + +The Dog and the Meat. + + +A dog with a piece of meat in his mouth was crossing a bridge over a placid +stream. On looking down he saw another dog with a precisely similar piece +of meat in the water below him. "That's a singular incident," he thought to +himself as he prepared to jump in. "But hold a minute! The angle of +incidence is always equal to the angle of reflection. Upon reflection, I +find that the other dog and the meat are only optical phenomena." And he +trotted on his way to Boston without further thought about the matter. + +[Illustration: The Dog and the Meat.] + + + + +The Fox and the Grapes. + + +A fox stood under an apple-tree and gazed up earnestly at the globes of +yellow lusciousness. "How sad, for the sake of an old-time piece of +literature," he said, "that the fox is a carnivorous animal and doesn't +care particularly about fruit!" + + +IMMORAL: + +We all have plenty of faults without the Truly Good taking the trouble to +invent them for us. + +[Illustration: The Fox and the Grapes.] + + + + +The Fox and the Crow. + + +A crow, having stolen a piece of flesh, perched in a tree to enjoy it at +leisure. A fox saw her, and, being hungry, thought he would employ a little +diplomacy to get the meat away from her. + +"What a prima-donna the crow would be," he said, looking at her with mock +admiration, "if she only had a voice proportional to her other +attractions!" + +The crow promptly dropped the piece of flesh on his head, completely +blinding him, and before he could recover from his surprise, lit on his +back and began to peck him viciously. "I'll have you to know," she cawed, +"that I'm a proper lady, and the man that compares me to them shameless +French singing hussies is going to get hurt." + + +IMMORAL: + +Don't praise the soft whiteness of a labor delegate's hands. + +[Illustration: The Fox and the Crow.] + + + + +The Ass in the Lion's Skin. + + +An ass, by some means unknown to the writer, having managed to get into a +lion's skin, ran around the neighborhood frightening the beasts into fits. +When he brayed, they said: "Jupiter! what a magnificent bass voice he has!" +and he was the pantata of that district until he died of old age. + + +IMMORAL: + +A good bluff, well chucked, is liable to do considerable execution. + +[Illustration: The Ass in the Lion's Skin.] + + + + +The Horse and the Oyster. + + +A very prancy horse, discovering an oyster on the sea-shore, thought to +show off a little and make the oyster envious. + +After he had done some surprising leaps and curvetings, he went up to the +oyster, and, with a toss of his head, said: + +"There! what do you think of that?" + +"You must excuse me," answered the bivalve, "but I have been blind from +birth, and missed the whole show." + + +IMMORAL: + +Of what use is a dress suit in the Desert of Sahara? + +[Illustration: The Horse and the Oyster.] + + + + +The Monkey and the Ass. + +An ass, having seen a monkey doing tricks on a roof, to the edification of +the villagers, became envious, and essayed to emulate his more agile rival. + +The roof broke under his greater weight, and he fell through on his master, +squashing him flatter than a pan-cake. Thenceforward, having no one to say +him nay, he lived a life of peace and plenty, coming and going at his own +sweet will, while the monkey was captured by an organ grinder and works +eighteen hours a day. + + +IMMORAL: + +People are not always such asses as they seem to us. + +[Illustration: The Monkey and the Ass.] + + + + +The Merchant and the Fool. + + +A merchant of horses was driving his stock to the market. On the road he +met a venerable old fool, who offered to buy his entire stock. + +"It is this way," said the intended purchaser, "I will take your horses +now, and whenever I find use for one, I will send you the money for it." + +"Now the gods be lenient to folly!" exclaimed the indignant merchant. +"Man, Man! where in the realm of idiocy did you get your knowledge of +business?" + +"I ran a pay-on-publication journal for ten years," said the fool with +asperity. + +But the merchant had vanished in a cloud of oaths and dust. + +[Illustration: The Merchant and the Fool.] + + + + +The Wolf and the Sheep. + + +A wolf that had been left for dead by the dogs lay not far from a running +brook. He felt that one good drink might save his life. Just then a sheep +passed near. + +"Pray, sister," said he very gently, but with a sinister twinkle of his eye +teeth, "bring me some water from yon stream." + +"Certainly," said the sheep, and she brought him a glass in which she had +poured a few knock-out drops. As she sat on his corpse a little later she +moralized in this manner: "Some clever people are wicked, but all wicked +people are not clever by a d----d sight." + +[Illustration: The Wolf and the Sheep.] + + + + +The Ambitious Hippopotamus. + + +A hippopotamus who had dwelt contentedly for years on the banks of a reedy +stream, looked up one day and saw an eagle. + +She became immediately fired with a desire to fly. Having lived a staid and +respectable life that could not but find favor in the eyes of the gods, she +raised her voice in prayer. + +Jove smiled a little, but granted her request. + +On the instant a pair of broad, powerful wings were affixed to her +shoulders. + +She was naturally a trifle nervous about trying them at first, but finally +mustered up her courage. + +Away she swooped, and with a pardonable vanity took her course over a piece +of jungle where some old friends lived. + +Precisely thirty-eight seconds later a convention of animals, all swearing +and trembling with fright, were trying to conceal themselves in the same +three-by-four hole in the ground. + +The effect on the other animals disconcerted the good-natured hippopotamus +to such an extent that she lost control of herself and sailed through the +forest like an avalanche on a bender. Down went the trees and crack went +the branches, while horror-stricken beasts with bristling hair split the +welkin with their shrieks. + +The hippopotamus made for home at her best speed. Arriving over the +familiar spot, she let go all holds and came down ker-splash in the mud, +knocking the astonished little hippopotamuses out into mid-stream. + +"Oh, Jupiter! take 'em off!" she gasped. "I now see that the hippopotamus +was not intended to fly." + + +IMMORAL: + +It takes more than nine bloomers to make a man. + +[Illustration: The Ambitious Hippopotamus.] + + + + +The Man and the Serpent. + + +A man, who had lived a beautiful purple life, went to sleep under a tree in +the forest. Jove sent a huge serpent to destroy him. The man awakened as +the reptile drew near. + +"What a horrid sight!" he said. "But let us be thankful that the +pink-and-green elephant and the feathered hippopotamus are not also in +evidence." + +And he took a dose of bromide and commended himself again to sleep, while +the serpent withdrew in some confusion. + + +WHAT THIS PROVES TO A THINKING MIND: + +Jove himself couldn't get a job as Sunday-School Superintendent on his +reputation. + +[Illustration: The Man and the Serpent.] + + + + +The Appreciative Man. + + +A man stood in the archway of an ancient temple. He took in the wonderful +proportions and drank of the exquisite detail in an ecstasy of delight. + +"Oh, great is art!" he cried in a frenzy. "Art is all! the only God!" + +Just then an earthquake came mumbling along and jarred the whole country +loose. + +As the man picked himself out of the jumbled-up ruins into the dust-filled +air, he encountered a lion who had lost his tail and his temper in the +_mélée_. + +"Well, where's your art now?" snarled the lion.[1] + +"All in my eye, I reckon," answered the man, as he bathed his damaged +optic. + +[Illustration: The Appreciative Man.] + + + + +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich. + + +An ostrich, who was closely pursued by a hunter, suddenly thrust his head +deep down into the sand. + +"Ah! ah!" exulted the hunter, "I have the silly thing at last." He advanced +to place a rope around the bird's legs; but the ostrich, who had accurately +timed his arrival, landed a kick in the pit of his stomach that sent him +into the hereafter like a bullet through a fog-bank. + + +IMMORAL: + +"Umph," said the ostrich as he surveyed his victim, "because a man looks +sad at the opening of a jack-pot, it doesn't necessarily follow that he's +only got ace-high." + +[Illustration: On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich.] + + + + +The Idol and the Ass. + + +An ass felt it his duty to destroy superstition, so he went up to the brass +idol in the market-place and gave it a vigorous kick. + +A dog came to him as he lay groaning on the ground, nursing his broken leg, +and said, "Well, did you prove anything?" + +"Nothing," said the other. "Except that I am an ass." + +Deductions to be drawn: Any old thing. + +[Illustration: The Idol and the Ass.] + + + + +The Bee and Jupiter. + + +A Bee, the queen of all the hives, ascended to Olympus with a present of +some super-refined honey for Jupiter. + +The god was delighted with the honey, and in return offered to grant any +request the Bee might make. + +"Give to me, I pray, O Lord of the Heavens! a sting, that, small and weak +as I am, I may not be defenceless against my enemies." + +Jupiter was quite put out at this demand, as he knew the weapon would be +used principally against mankind, whom he much loved. But a god's promise +must be kept, so he said: + +"It is granted you." + +"Many thanks, most potent one!" cried the Bee, running the new-gained +weapon in and out with much satisfaction. + +Jupiter sternly cut short her thanks, and continued: + +"In using this means of defense and offense you will imperil your own life, +for the sting shall remain in the wound it makes and you shall die from the +loss of it." + +The Bee flew around for a moment, and then lit on the back of the god's +neck. + +"You will kindly reconsider that last clause," she said, "or," in a very +meaning tone, "I die right here." + +Jupiter felt a cold chill take its agitated way up his spinal column. + +"All right," he said, hastily. "I don't want to be small about it. Have it +your own way. Only please get off my neck!" + +The Bee went joyously back to earth, humming a song of praise. + + +IMMORAL: + +How to play a cinch (Hoyle). "Put both feet on the encircled object. +Rosin the hands, take a long breath and _Pull_." + +[Illustration: The Bee and Jupiter.] + + + + +The Lion and the Boar. + + +One Sunday, when the new administration had induced a general thirst, a +lion and a boar came at the same moment to a corner spring to drink. + +"Have one with me," said the lion. "No, sir; this is on me," said the boar. +From words they came to blows, and while they were in the press of combat +the clock struck one A.M. and they had to go home cold-sober and disgusted. + + +IMMORAL: + +Reform is just the thing for angels. + +[Illustration: The Lion and the Boar.] + + + + +The Tiger and the Deer. + + +One day a tiger, who had grown remorseful over his murderous career, +resolved to turn over a new leaf and live on terms of friendly interest +with the other animals of the forest. + +He started out on a campaign of pacification. The first animal he met was +the deer, whom he addressed in the most courteous and beautiful of +language, assuring him of his undying affection. + +"Bunco!" yelled the deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of ten +seconds in even time. + + +IMMORAL: + +It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters. + +[Illustration: The Tiger and the Deer.] + + + + +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass. + + +An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the market-place. +"What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a passer-by. So the man +put his boy on the ass and they went on. The next person they met said it +was a shame to see a boy ride while an old man walked. The man lifted the +boy off and got on himself. This also excited adverse comment, and the man +took the boy up behind him. The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., +and he upbraided them both roundly, saying that they would better carry the +ass than he them. Thereupon they tied the ass's legs to a long pole and +carried him between them. While crossing the bridge, into the town, the +man stumbled and the ass fell into the water and was drowned. They +promptly sued the city for damages, and compromised on $263, more than +eight times the value of the ass. + + +IMMORAL: + +Hard luck cannot touch smooth people. + +[Illustration: The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.] + + + + +The Shipwrecked Traveler. + + +A man who had traveled over many countries was shipwrecked off the coast of +Opera land. After a desperate battle with the waves he managed to near the +shore where the cruel waves played with him like a cat with a mouse. He +would pull himself up the beach, half fainting, and a great, dancing, +hissing breaker would pounce upon him and drive him back. + +He called for help until the inhabitants espied him. + +They came in a group, the women costumed as milkmaids and the men as +cavaliers. + +After making about twenty feet the company stopped. + +"Oh! save him, save him!" sang the soprano. + +"Yes, yes! we will save him!" sang back the tenor. + +Then everybody sang "Save him, save him; oh, yes, we will save him, save +him from _the sea_!!!" + +The sopranos took a B flat on the last note, while the tenors and altos +rambled up and down the scale and the bassos bombarded the theme with their +deepest chest tones. + +In the meantime the traveler had been washed out to sea. As the next wave +brought him to the strand the company advanced once more a short distance, +and began. + +"In the name of Mercy, help me!" screamed the drowning man. + +"Oh, hear his piteous cry," sang the tenors, and the prima donna stepped +out and sang a beautiful aria beginning "Now the cruel waves advancing." +After she had finished the bass got in front of the company. + +He described how his strong arm had plucked the stranger from a watery +grave, and advanced to the beach to suit the action to the words. + +But, alas! the traveler had given up the ghost several minutes before. Then +the company sang a miserere and went home to lunch. + + +IMMORAL: + +The finest of Raphael's canvases would make a poor overcoat. + +[Illustration: The Shipwrecked Traveler.] + + + + +The Discontented Woman. + + +A woman who was dissatisfied with her husband loudly petitioned Jove to +send her another. The god listened favorably to her petition and sent her +a demigod. + +In less than a week the woman was bewailing her lot again, saying she never +cared for mixed goods anyhow, and that while the god-half of her present +husband might be all right, the man-half snored and chewed tobacco. Jove, +wearied by her ill-humored persistency, took back the demi-god and sent her +a man out of the Yellow Book for husband, instead. + +Up to the present writing the lady in question hasn't discovered where she +is at. + + +IMMORAL: + +Hysterics and Art are only relations by marriage. + +[Illustration: The Discontented Woman.] + +[Footnote 1: (editorial note) This was corrected from the original, which + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fables For The Times, by H. W. Phillips + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13494 *** diff --git a/13494-h/13494-h.htm b/13494-h/13494-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..24f81ee --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/13494-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,886 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=UTF-8"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of + Fables for the Times, + by H.W. Phillips and T.R. Sullivant. +</title> +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times, sans-serif;} + P { margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; } + BODY{ margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + font-size: 14pt; } + PRE { font-family: Courier, monospaced; } + .note { font-size: 10pt; } + // --> +</style> +</head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13494 ***</div> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>Fables for the Times.</h1> +<center> +<i>By</i> H.W. Phillips. +<BR> +<i>Illustrated by</i> T.R. Sullivant. +</center> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<h2> + Contents +</h2> +<p> </p> +<a href="#1">The Baa-Sheep and the Lion.</a> +<br> +<a href="#2">The Dog and the Meat.</a> +<br> +<a href="#3">The Fox and the Grapes.</a> +<br> +<a href="#4">The Fox and the Crow.</a> +<br> +<a href="#5">The Ass in the Lion's Skin.</a> +<br> +<a href="#6">The Horse and the Oyster.</a> +<br> +<a href="#7">The Monkey and the Ass.</a> +<br> +<a href="#8">The Merchant and the Fool.</a> +<br> +<a href="#9">The Wolf and the Sheep.</a> +<br> +<a href="#10">The Ambitious Hippopotamus.</a> +<br> +<a href="#11">The Man and the Serpent.</a> +<br> +<a href="#12">The Appreciative Man.</a> +<br> +<a href="#13">On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich.</a> +<br> +<a href="#14">The Idol and the Ass.</a> +<br> +<a href="#15">The Bee and Jupiter.</a> +<br> +<a href="#16">The Lion and the Boar.</a> +<br> +<a href="#17">The Tiger and the Deer.</a> +<br> +<a href="#18">The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.</a> +<br> +<a href="#19">The Shipwrecked Traveler.</a> +<br> +<a href="#20">The Discontented Woman.</a> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="1"><!-- 1 --></a> +<h2> +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion. +</h2> +<p> +A baa-sheep was lying under the paw of a black-maned lion. Whatever was +going to be done had to be done quickly. A thought flashed upon the sheep +and he said: +</p> +<p> +"Most dread lord and master, I have heard your voice extolled beyond that +of all others. Will you not sing me a little selection from Wagner before I +die?" +</p> +<p> +The lion, touched in his vanity, immediately started up and roared away +until the goose-flesh stood out on the rocks. When he had finished, the +sheep was in tears. +</p> +<p> +"What means this?" growled the lion in a rage. "Do you presume to criticise +my singing?" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, no!" sobbed the sheep. "That is not it. But I have heard that wool was +the worst thing in the world for the voice, and when I think of the ruin of +that beautiful organ of yours, consequent upon eating me, I weep to think +that I was not born hairless." +</p> +<p> +The lion regarded him out of the corner of his eye. Then, in his grandest +manner, said: "Run along home to your ma, little sheep; I was only playing +with you," and walked off through the forest with a great deal of dignity. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/005.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/005.png" width="640" height="400" alt="The Baa-Sheep and the Lion" border="0"></a> +<br>The Baa-Sheep and the Lion</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="2"><!-- 2 --></a> +<h2> +The Dog and the Meat. +</h2> +<p> +A dog with a piece of meat in his mouth was crossing a bridge over a placid +stream. On looking down he saw another dog with a precisely similar piece +of meat in the water below him. "That's a singular incident," he thought to +himself as he prepared to jump in. "But hold a minute! The angle of +incidence is always equal to the angle of reflection. Upon reflection, I +find that the other dog and the meat are only optical phenomena." And he +trotted on his way to Boston without further thought about the matter. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/007.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/007.png" width="450" height="400" alt="The Dog and the Meat" border="0"></a> +<br>The Dog and the Meat</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="3"><!-- 3 --></a> +<h2> +The Fox and the Grapes. +</h2> +<p> +A fox stood under an apple-tree and gazed up earnestly at the globes of +yellow lusciousness. "How sad, for the sake of an old-time piece of +literature," he said, "that the fox is a carnivorous animal and doesn't +care particularly about fruit!" +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +We all have plenty of faults without the Truly Good taking the trouble to +invent them for us. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/009.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/009.png" width="283" height="400" alt="The Fox and the Grapes" border="0"></a> +<br>The Fox and the Grapes</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="4"><!-- 4 --></a> +<h2> +The Fox and the Crow. +</h2> +<p> +A crow, having stolen a piece of flesh, perched in a tree to enjoy it at +leisure. A fox saw her, and, being hungry, thought he would employ a little +diplomacy to get the meat away from her. +</p> +<p> +"What a prima-donna the crow would be," he said, looking at her with mock +admiration, "if she only had a voice proportional to her other +attractions!" +</p> +<p> +The crow promptly dropped the piece of flesh on his head, completely +blinding him, and before he could recover from his surprise, lit on his +back and began to peck him viciously. "I'll have you to know," she cawed, +"that I'm a proper lady, and the man that compares me to them shameless +French singing hussies is going to get hurt." +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Don't praise the soft whiteness of a labor delegate's hands. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/011.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/011.png" width="230" height="400" alt="The Fox and the Crow" border="0"></a> +<br>The Fox and the Crow</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="5"><!-- 5 --></a> +<h2> +The Ass in the Lion's Skin. +</h2> +<p> +An ass, by some means unknown to the writer, having managed to get into a +lion's skin, ran around the neighborhood frightening the beasts into fits. +When he brayed, they said: "Jupiter! what a magnificent bass voice he has!" +and he was the pantata of that district until he died of old age. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +A good bluff, well chucked, is liable to do considerable execution. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/013.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/013.png" width="640" height="232" alt="The Ass in the Lion's Skin" border="0"></a> +<br>The Ass in the Lion's Skin</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="6"><!-- 6 --></a> +<h2> +The Horse and the Oyster. +</h2> +<p> +A very prancy horse, discovering an oyster on the sea-shore, thought to +show off a little and make the oyster envious. +</p> +<p> +After he had done some surprising leaps and curvetings, he went up to the +oyster, and, with a toss of his head, said: +</p> +<p> +"There! what do you think of that?" +</p> +<p> +"You must excuse me," answered the bivalve, "but I have been blind from +birth, and missed the whole show." +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Of what use is a dress suit in the Desert of Sahara? +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/015.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/015.png" width="497" height="400" alt="The Horse and the Oyster" border="0"></a> +<br>The Horse and the Oyster</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="7"><!-- 7 --></a> +<h2> +The Monkey and the Ass. +</h2> +<p> +An ass, having seen a monkey doing tricks on a roof, to the edification of +the villagers, became envious, and essayed to emulate his more agile rival. +</p> +<p> +The roof broke under his greater weight, and he fell through on his master, +squashing him flatter than a pan-cake. Thenceforward, having no one to say +him nay, he lived a life of peace and plenty, coming and going at his own +sweet will, while the monkey was captured by an organ grinder and works +eighteen hours a day. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +People are not always such asses as they seem to us. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/017.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/017.png" width="322" height="400" alt="The Monkey and the Ass" border="0"></a> +<br>The Monkey and the Ass</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="8"><!-- 8 --></a> +<h2> +The Merchant and the Fool. +</h2> +<p> +A merchant of horses was driving his stock to the market. On the road he +met a venerable old fool, who offered to buy his entire stock. +</p> +<p> +"It is this way," said the intended purchaser, "I will take your horses +now, and whenever I find use for one, I will send you the money for it." +</p> +<p> +"Now the gods be lenient to folly!" exclaimed the indignant merchant. +"Man, Man! where in the realm of idiocy did you get your knowledge of +business?" +</p> +<p> +"I ran a pay-on-publication journal for ten years," said the fool with +asperity. +</p> +<p> +But the merchant had vanished in a cloud of oaths and dust. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/019.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/019.png" width="640" height="389" alt="The Merchant and the Fool" border="0"></a> +<br>The Merchant and the Fool</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="9"><!-- 9 --></a> +<h2> +The Wolf and the Sheep. +</h2> +<p> +A wolf that had been left for dead by the dogs lay not far from a running +brook. He felt that one good drink might save his life. Just then a sheep +passed near. +</p> +<p> +"Pray, sister," said he very gently, but with a sinister twinkle of his eye +teeth, "bring me some water from yon stream." +</p> +<p> +"Certainly," said the sheep, and she brought him a glass in which she had +poured a few knock-out drops. As she sat on his corpse a little later she +moralized in this manner: "Some clever people are wicked, but all wicked +people are not clever by a d——d sight." +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/021.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/021.png" width="538" height="400" alt="The Wolf and the Sheep" border="0"></a> +<br>The Wolf and the Sheep</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="10"><!-- 10 --></a> +<h2> +The Ambitious Hippopotamus. +</h2> +<p> +A hippopotamus who had dwelt contentedly for years on the banks of a reedy +stream, looked up one day and saw an eagle. +</p> +<p> +She became immediately fired with a desire to fly. Having lived a staid and +respectable life that could not but find favor in the eyes of the gods, she +raised her voice in prayer. +</p> +<p> +Jove smiled a little, but granted her request. +</p> +<p> +On the instant a pair of broad, powerful wings were affixed to her +shoulders. +</p> +<p> +She was naturally a trifle nervous about trying them at first, but finally +mustered up her courage. +</p> +<p> +Away she swooped, and with a pardonable vanity took her course over a piece +of jungle where some old friends lived. +</p> +<p> +Precisely thirty-eight seconds later a convention of animals, all swearing +and trembling with fright, were trying to conceal themselves in the same +three-by-four hole in the ground. +</p> +<p> +The effect on the other animals disconcerted the good-natured hippopotamus +to such an extent that she lost control of herself and sailed through the +forest like an avalanche on a bender. Down went the trees and crack went +the branches, while horror-stricken beasts with bristling hair split the +welkin with their shrieks. +</p> +<p> +The hippopotamus made for home at her best speed. Arriving over the +familiar spot, she let go all holds and came down ker-splash in the mud, +knocking the astonished little hippopotamuses out into mid-stream. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, Jupiter! take 'em off!" she gasped. "I now see that the hippopotamus +was not intended to fly." +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +It takes more than nine bloomers to make a man. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/023.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/023.png" width="318" height="400" alt="The Ambitious Hippopotamus" border="0"></a> +<br>The Ambitious Hippopotamus</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="11"><!-- 11 --></a> +<h2> +The Man and the Serpent. +</h2> +<p> +A man, who had lived a beautiful purple life, went to sleep under a tree in +the forest. Jove sent a huge serpent to destroy him. The man awakened as +the reptile drew near. +</p> +<p> +"What a horrid sight!" he said. "But let us be thankful that the +pink-and-green elephant and the feathered hippopotamus are not also in +evidence." +</p> +<p> +And he took a dose of bromide and commended himself again to sleep, while +the serpent withdrew in some confusion. +</p> +<center> +WHAT THIS PROVES TO A THINKING MIND: +</center> +<p> +Jove himself couldn't get a job as Sunday-School Superintendent on his +reputation. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/025.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/025.png" width="476" height="400" alt="The Man and the Serpent" border="0"></a> +<br>The Man and the Serpent</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="12"><!-- 12 --></a> +<h2> +The Appreciative Man. +</h2> +<p> +A man stood in the archway of an ancient temple. He took in the wonderful +proportions and drank of the exquisite detail in an ecstasy of delight. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, great is art!" he cried in a frenzy. "Art is all! the only God!" +</p> +<p> +Just then an earthquake came mumbling along and jarred the whole country +loose. +</p> +<p> +As the man picked himself out of the jumbled-up ruins into the dust-filled +air, he encountered a lion who had lost his tail and his temper in the +<i>mélée</i>. +</p> +<p> +"Well, where's your art now?" snarled the lion.<sup><a href="#note-1">1</a></sup> +</p> +<p> +"All in my eye, I reckon," answered the man, as he bathed his damaged +optic. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/027.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/027.png" width="460" height="400" alt="The Appreciative Man" border="0"></a> +<br>The Appreciative Man</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="13"><!-- 13 --></a> +<h2> +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich. +</h2> +<p> +An ostrich, who was closely pursued by a hunter, suddenly thrust his head +deep down into the sand. +</p> +<p> +"Ah! ah!" exulted the hunter, "I have the silly thing at last." He advanced +to place a rope around the bird's legs; but the ostrich, who had accurately +timed his arrival, landed a kick in the pit of his stomach that sent him +into the hereafter like a bullet through a fog-bank. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +"Umph," said the ostrich as he surveyed his victim, "because a man looks +sad at the opening of a jack-pot, it doesn't necessarily follow that he's +only got ace-high." +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/029.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/029.png" width="640" height="306" alt="On the Not-Altogether-Credible +Habits of the Ostrich" border="0"></a> +<br>On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="14"><!-- 14 --></a> +<h2> +The Idol and the Ass. +</h2> +<p> +An ass felt it his duty to destroy superstition, so he went up to the brass +idol in the market-place and gave it a vigorous kick. +</p> +<p> +A dog came to him as he lay groaning on the ground, nursing his broken leg, +and said, "Well, did you prove anything?" +</p> +<p> +"Nothing," said the other. "Except that I am an ass." +</p> +<p> +Deductions to be drawn: Any old thing. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/031.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/031.png" width="361" height="400" alt="The Idol and the Ass" border="0"></a> +<br>The Idol and the Ass</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="15"><!-- 15 --></a> +<h2> +The Bee and Jupiter. +</h2> +<p> +A Bee, the queen of all the hives, ascended to Olympus with a present of +some super-refined honey for Jupiter. +</p> +<p> +The god was delighted with the honey, and in return offered to grant any +request the Bee might make. +</p> +<p> +"Give to me, I pray, O Lord of the Heavens! a sting, that, small and weak +as I am, I may not be defenceless against my enemies." +</p> +<p> +Jupiter was quite put out at this demand, as he knew the weapon would be +used principally against mankind, whom he much loved. But a god's promise +must be kept, so he said: +</p> +<p> +"It is granted you." +</p> +<p> +"Many thanks, most potent one!" cried the Bee, running the new-gained +weapon in and out with much satisfaction. +</p> +<p> +Jupiter sternly cut short her thanks, and continued: +</p> +<p> +"In using this means of defense and offense you will imperil your own life, +for the sting shall remain in the wound it makes and you shall die from the +loss of it." +</p> +<p> +The Bee flew around for a moment, and then lit on the back of the god's +neck. +</p> +<p> +"You will kindly reconsider that last clause," she said, "or," in a very +meaning tone, "I die right here." +</p> +<p> +Jupiter felt a cold chill take its agitated way up his spinal column. +</p> +<p> +"All right," he said, hastily. "I don't want to be small about it. Have it +your own way. Only please get off my neck!" +</p> +<p> +The Bee went joyously back to earth, humming a song of praise. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +How to play a cinch (Hoyle). "Put both feet on the encircled object. +Rosin the hands, take a long breath and <i>Pull</i>." +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/033.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/033.png" width="517" height="400" alt="The Bee and Jupiter" border="0"></a> +<br>The Bee and Jupiter</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="16"><!-- 16 --></a> +<h2> +The Lion and the Boar. +</h2> +<p> +One Sunday, when the new administration had induced a general thirst, a +lion and a boar came at the same moment to a corner spring to drink. +</p> +<p> +"Have one with me," said the lion. "No, sir; this is on me," said the boar. +From words they came to blows, and while they were in the press of combat +the clock struck one A.M. and they had to go home cold-sober and disgusted. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Reform is just the thing for angels. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/035.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/035.png" width="640" height="371" alt="The Lion and the Boar" border="0"></a> +<br>The Lion and the Boar</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="17"><!-- 17 --></a> +<h2> +The Tiger and the Deer. +</h2> +<p> +One day a tiger, who had grown remorseful over his murderous career, +resolved to turn over a new leaf and live on terms of friendly interest +with the other animals of the forest. +</p> +<p> +He started out on a campaign of pacification. The first animal he met was +the deer, whom he addressed in the most courteous and beautiful of +language, assuring him of his undying affection. +</p> +<p> +"Bunco!" yelled the deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of ten +seconds in even time. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/037.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/037.png" width="640" height="303" alt="The Tiger and the Deer" border="0"></a> +<br>The Tiger and the Deer</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="18"><!-- 18 --></a> +<h2> +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass. +</h2> +<p> +An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the market-place. +"What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a passer-by. So the man +put his boy on the ass and they went on. The next person they met said it +was a shame to see a boy ride while an old man walked. The man lifted the +boy off and got on himself. This also excited adverse comment, and the man +took the boy up behind him. The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., +and he upbraided them both roundly, saying that they would better carry the +ass than he them. Thereupon they tied the ass's legs to a long pole and +carried him between them. While crossing the bridge, into the town, the +man stumbled and the ass fell into the water and was drowned. They +promptly sued the city for damages, and compromised on $263, more than +eight times the value of the ass. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Hard luck cannot touch smooth people. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/039.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/039.png" width="640" height="351" alt="The Old Man, His Son and the Ass" border="0"></a> +<br>The Old Man, His Son and the Ass</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="19"><!-- 19 --></a> +<h2> +The Shipwrecked Traveler. +</h2> +<p> +A man who had traveled over many countries was shipwrecked off the coast of +Opera land. After a desperate battle with the waves he managed to near the +shore where the cruel waves played with him like a cat with a mouse. He +would pull himself up the beach, half fainting, and a great, dancing, +hissing breaker would pounce upon him and drive him back. +</p> +<p> +He called for help until the inhabitants espied him. +</p> +<p> +They came in a group, the women costumed as milkmaids and the men as +cavaliers. +</p> +<p> +After making about twenty feet the company stopped. +</p> +<p> +"Oh! save him, save him!" sang the soprano. +</p> +<p> +"Yes, yes! we will save him!" sang back the tenor. +</p> +<p> +Then everybody sang "Save him, save him; oh, yes, we will save him, save +him from <i>the sea</i>!!!" +</p> +<p> +The sopranos took a B flat on the last note, while the tenors and altos +rambled up and down the scale and the bassos bombarded the theme with their +deepest chest tones. +</p> +<p> +In the meantime the traveler had been washed out to sea. As the next wave +brought him to the strand the company advanced once more a short distance, +and began. +</p> +<p> +"In the name of Mercy, help me!" screamed the drowning man. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, hear his piteous cry," sang the tenors, and the prima donna stepped +out and sang a beautiful aria beginning "Now the cruel waves advancing." +After she had finished the bass got in front of the company. +</p> +<p> +He described how his strong arm had plucked the stranger from a watery +grave, and advanced to the beach to suit the action to the words. +</p> +<p> +But, alas! the traveler had given up the ghost several minutes before. Then +the company sang a miserere and went home to lunch. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +The finest of Raphael's canvases would make a poor overcoat. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/041.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/041.png" width="640" height="232" alt="The Shipwrecked Traveler" border="0"></a> +<br>The Shipwrecked Traveler</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="20"><!-- 20 --></a> +<h2> +The Discontented Woman. +</h2> +<p> +A woman who was dissatisfied with her husband loudly petitioned Jove to +send her another. The god listened favorably to her petition and sent her +a demigod. +</p> +<p> +In less than a week the woman was bewailing her lot again, saying she never +cared for mixed goods anyhow, and that while the god-half of her present +husband might be all right, the man-half snored and chewed tobacco. Jove, +wearied by her ill-humored persistency, took back the demi-god and sent her +a man out of the Yellow Book for husband, instead. +</p> +<p> +Up to the present writing the lady in question hasn't discovered where she +is at. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Hysterics and Art are only relations by marriage. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/043.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/043.png" width="273" height="400" alt="The Discontented Woman" border="0"></a> +<br>The Discontented Woman</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> +<a name="note-1"><!-- Note Anchor 1 --></a> +<span class="note">[Footnote 1: (editorial note) This was corrected from the original, which +read: "Well, where's your art now, snarled the lion?"]</span> +</p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 13494 ***</div> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/13494-h/images/005.png b/13494-h/images/005.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d6c3168 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/005.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/007.png b/13494-h/images/007.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ea8867 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/007.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/009.png b/13494-h/images/009.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5fa1144 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/009.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/011.png b/13494-h/images/011.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d340981 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/011.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/013.png b/13494-h/images/013.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..00e6a81 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/013.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/015.png b/13494-h/images/015.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f9cabf9 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/015.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/017.png b/13494-h/images/017.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..73e314a --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/017.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/019.png b/13494-h/images/019.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f299045 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/019.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/021.png b/13494-h/images/021.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..88d4f3f --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/021.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/023.png b/13494-h/images/023.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..77ff21f --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/023.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/025.png b/13494-h/images/025.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..06d9a08 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/025.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/027.png b/13494-h/images/027.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8571915 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/027.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/029.png b/13494-h/images/029.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..28cbc30 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/029.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/031.png b/13494-h/images/031.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0ee72bf --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/031.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/033.png b/13494-h/images/033.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7c6535c --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/033.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/035.png b/13494-h/images/035.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e8ccfd2 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/035.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/037.png b/13494-h/images/037.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c8d7fb1 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/037.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/039.png b/13494-h/images/039.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1cef282 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/039.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/041.png b/13494-h/images/041.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c10c51f --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/041.png diff --git a/13494-h/images/043.png b/13494-h/images/043.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1bf0e42 --- /dev/null +++ b/13494-h/images/043.png diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..dba884d --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #13494 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/13494) diff --git a/old/13494-8.txt b/old/13494-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..186e1f6 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13494-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,974 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fables For The Times, by H. W. Phillips + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fables For The Times + +Author: H. W. Phillips + +Release Date: September 18, 2004 [EBook #13494] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FABLES FOR THE TIMES *** + + + + +Produced by David Newman, Clare Boothby and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team + + + + + + + + + +Fables for the Times. + +_By_ H.W. Phillips. + +_Illustrated by_ T.R. Sullivant. + + + + +Contents + +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion +The Dog and the Meat +The Fox and the Grapes +The Fox and the Crow +The Ass in the Lion's Skin +The Horse and the Oyster +The Monkey and the Ass +The Merchant and the Fool +The Wolf and the Sheep +The Ambitious Hippopotamus +The Man and the Serpent +The Appreciative Man +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich +The Idol and the Ass +The Bee and Jupiter +The Lion and the Boar +The Tiger and the Deer +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass +The Shipwrecked Traveler +The Discontented Woman + + + + +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion. + + +A baa-sheep was lying under the paw of a black-maned lion. Whatever was +going to be done had to be done quickly. A thought flashed upon the sheep +and he said: + +"Most dread lord and master, I have heard your voice extolled beyond that +of all others. Will you not sing me a little selection from Wagner before I +die?" + +The lion, touched in his vanity, immediately started up and roared away +until the goose-flesh stood out on the rocks. When he had finished, the +sheep was in tears. + +"What means this?" growled the lion in a rage. "Do you presume to criticise +my singing?" + +"Oh, no!" sobbed the sheep. "That is not it. But I have heard that wool was +the worst thing in the world for the voice, and when I think of the ruin of +that beautiful organ of yours, consequent upon eating me, I weep to think +that I was not born hairless." + +The lion regarded him out of the corner of his eye. Then, in his grandest +manner, said: "Run along home to your ma, little sheep; I was only playing +with you," and walked off through the forest with a great deal of dignity. + +[Illustration: The Baa-Sheep and the Lion.] + + + + +The Dog and the Meat. + + +A dog with a piece of meat in his mouth was crossing a bridge over a placid +stream. On looking down he saw another dog with a precisely similar piece +of meat in the water below him. "That's a singular incident," he thought to +himself as he prepared to jump in. "But hold a minute! The angle of +incidence is always equal to the angle of reflection. Upon reflection, I +find that the other dog and the meat are only optical phenomena." And he +trotted on his way to Boston without further thought about the matter. + +[Illustration: The Dog and the Meat.] + + + + +The Fox and the Grapes. + + +A fox stood under an apple-tree and gazed up earnestly at the globes of +yellow lusciousness. "How sad, for the sake of an old-time piece of +literature," he said, "that the fox is a carnivorous animal and doesn't +care particularly about fruit!" + + +IMMORAL: + +We all have plenty of faults without the Truly Good taking the trouble to +invent them for us. + +[Illustration: The Fox and the Grapes.] + + + + +The Fox and the Crow. + + +A crow, having stolen a piece of flesh, perched in a tree to enjoy it at +leisure. A fox saw her, and, being hungry, thought he would employ a little +diplomacy to get the meat away from her. + +"What a prima-donna the crow would be," he said, looking at her with mock +admiration, "if she only had a voice proportional to her other +attractions!" + +The crow promptly dropped the piece of flesh on his head, completely +blinding him, and before he could recover from his surprise, lit on his +back and began to peck him viciously. "I'll have you to know," she cawed, +"that I'm a proper lady, and the man that compares me to them shameless +French singing hussies is going to get hurt." + + +IMMORAL: + +Don't praise the soft whiteness of a labor delegate's hands. + +[Illustration: The Fox and the Crow.] + + + + +The Ass in the Lion's Skin. + + +An ass, by some means unknown to the writer, having managed to get into a +lion's skin, ran around the neighborhood frightening the beasts into fits. +When he brayed, they said: "Jupiter! what a magnificent bass voice he has!" +and he was the pantata of that district until he died of old age. + + +IMMORAL: + +A good bluff, well chucked, is liable to do considerable execution. + +[Illustration: The Ass in the Lion's Skin.] + + + + +The Horse and the Oyster. + + +A very prancy horse, discovering an oyster on the sea-shore, thought to +show off a little and make the oyster envious. + +After he had done some surprising leaps and curvetings, he went up to the +oyster, and, with a toss of his head, said: + +"There! what do you think of that?" + +"You must excuse me," answered the bivalve, "but I have been blind from +birth, and missed the whole show." + + +IMMORAL: + +Of what use is a dress suit in the Desert of Sahara? + +[Illustration: The Horse and the Oyster.] + + + + +The Monkey and the Ass. + +An ass, having seen a monkey doing tricks on a roof, to the edification of +the villagers, became envious, and essayed to emulate his more agile rival. + +The roof broke under his greater weight, and he fell through on his master, +squashing him flatter than a pan-cake. Thenceforward, having no one to say +him nay, he lived a life of peace and plenty, coming and going at his own +sweet will, while the monkey was captured by an organ grinder and works +eighteen hours a day. + + +IMMORAL: + +People are not always such asses as they seem to us. + +[Illustration: The Monkey and the Ass.] + + + + +The Merchant and the Fool. + + +A merchant of horses was driving his stock to the market. On the road he +met a venerable old fool, who offered to buy his entire stock. + +"It is this way," said the intended purchaser, "I will take your horses +now, and whenever I find use for one, I will send you the money for it." + +"Now the gods be lenient to folly!" exclaimed the indignant merchant. +"Man, Man! where in the realm of idiocy did you get your knowledge of +business?" + +"I ran a pay-on-publication journal for ten years," said the fool with +asperity. + +But the merchant had vanished in a cloud of oaths and dust. + +[Illustration: The Merchant and the Fool.] + + + + +The Wolf and the Sheep. + + +A wolf that had been left for dead by the dogs lay not far from a running +brook. He felt that one good drink might save his life. Just then a sheep +passed near. + +"Pray, sister," said he very gently, but with a sinister twinkle of his eye +teeth, "bring me some water from yon stream." + +"Certainly," said the sheep, and she brought him a glass in which she had +poured a few knock-out drops. As she sat on his corpse a little later she +moralized in this manner: "Some clever people are wicked, but all wicked +people are not clever by a d----d sight." + +[Illustration: The Wolf and the Sheep.] + + + + +The Ambitious Hippopotamus. + + +A hippopotamus who had dwelt contentedly for years on the banks of a reedy +stream, looked up one day and saw an eagle. + +She became immediately fired with a desire to fly. Having lived a staid and +respectable life that could not but find favor in the eyes of the gods, she +raised her voice in prayer. + +Jove smiled a little, but granted her request. + +On the instant a pair of broad, powerful wings were affixed to her +shoulders. + +She was naturally a trifle nervous about trying them at first, but finally +mustered up her courage. + +Away she swooped, and with a pardonable vanity took her course over a piece +of jungle where some old friends lived. + +Precisely thirty-eight seconds later a convention of animals, all swearing +and trembling with fright, were trying to conceal themselves in the same +three-by-four hole in the ground. + +The effect on the other animals disconcerted the good-natured hippopotamus +to such an extent that she lost control of herself and sailed through the +forest like an avalanche on a bender. Down went the trees and crack went +the branches, while horror-stricken beasts with bristling hair split the +welkin with their shrieks. + +The hippopotamus made for home at her best speed. Arriving over the +familiar spot, she let go all holds and came down ker-splash in the mud, +knocking the astonished little hippopotamuses out into mid-stream. + +"Oh, Jupiter! take 'em off!" she gasped. "I now see that the hippopotamus +was not intended to fly." + + +IMMORAL: + +It takes more than nine bloomers to make a man. + +[Illustration: The Ambitious Hippopotamus.] + + + + +The Man and the Serpent. + + +A man, who had lived a beautiful purple life, went to sleep under a tree in +the forest. Jove sent a huge serpent to destroy him. The man awakened as +the reptile drew near. + +"What a horrid sight!" he said. "But let us be thankful that the +pink-and-green elephant and the feathered hippopotamus are not also in +evidence." + +And he took a dose of bromide and commended himself again to sleep, while +the serpent withdrew in some confusion. + + +WHAT THIS PROVES TO A THINKING MIND: + +Jove himself couldn't get a job as Sunday-School Superintendent on his +reputation. + +[Illustration: The Man and the Serpent.] + + + + +The Appreciative Man. + + +A man stood in the archway of an ancient temple. He took in the wonderful +proportions and drank of the exquisite detail in an ecstasy of delight. + +"Oh, great is art!" he cried in a frenzy. "Art is all! the only God!" + +Just then an earthquake came mumbling along and jarred the whole country +loose. + +As the man picked himself out of the jumbled-up ruins into the dust-filled +air, he encountered a lion who had lost his tail and his temper in the +_mélée_. + +"Well, where's your art now?" snarled the lion.[1] + +"All in my eye, I reckon," answered the man, as he bathed his damaged +optic. + +[Illustration: The Appreciative Man.] + + + + +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich. + + +An ostrich, who was closely pursued by a hunter, suddenly thrust his head +deep down into the sand. + +"Ah! ah!" exulted the hunter, "I have the silly thing at last." He advanced +to place a rope around the bird's legs; but the ostrich, who had accurately +timed his arrival, landed a kick in the pit of his stomach that sent him +into the hereafter like a bullet through a fog-bank. + + +IMMORAL: + +"Umph," said the ostrich as he surveyed his victim, "because a man looks +sad at the opening of a jack-pot, it doesn't necessarily follow that he's +only got ace-high." + +[Illustration: On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich.] + + + + +The Idol and the Ass. + + +An ass felt it his duty to destroy superstition, so he went up to the brass +idol in the market-place and gave it a vigorous kick. + +A dog came to him as he lay groaning on the ground, nursing his broken leg, +and said, "Well, did you prove anything?" + +"Nothing," said the other. "Except that I am an ass." + +Deductions to be drawn: Any old thing. + +[Illustration: The Idol and the Ass.] + + + + +The Bee and Jupiter. + + +A Bee, the queen of all the hives, ascended to Olympus with a present of +some super-refined honey for Jupiter. + +The god was delighted with the honey, and in return offered to grant any +request the Bee might make. + +"Give to me, I pray, O Lord of the Heavens! a sting, that, small and weak +as I am, I may not be defenceless against my enemies." + +Jupiter was quite put out at this demand, as he knew the weapon would be +used principally against mankind, whom he much loved. But a god's promise +must be kept, so he said: + +"It is granted you." + +"Many thanks, most potent one!" cried the Bee, running the new-gained +weapon in and out with much satisfaction. + +Jupiter sternly cut short her thanks, and continued: + +"In using this means of defense and offense you will imperil your own life, +for the sting shall remain in the wound it makes and you shall die from the +loss of it." + +The Bee flew around for a moment, and then lit on the back of the god's +neck. + +"You will kindly reconsider that last clause," she said, "or," in a very +meaning tone, "I die right here." + +Jupiter felt a cold chill take its agitated way up his spinal column. + +"All right," he said, hastily. "I don't want to be small about it. Have it +your own way. Only please get off my neck!" + +The Bee went joyously back to earth, humming a song of praise. + + +IMMORAL: + +How to play a cinch (Hoyle). "Put both feet on the encircled object. +Rosin the hands, take a long breath and _Pull_." + +[Illustration: The Bee and Jupiter.] + + + + +The Lion and the Boar. + + +One Sunday, when the new administration had induced a general thirst, a +lion and a boar came at the same moment to a corner spring to drink. + +"Have one with me," said the lion. "No, sir; this is on me," said the boar. +From words they came to blows, and while they were in the press of combat +the clock struck one A.M. and they had to go home cold-sober and disgusted. + + +IMMORAL: + +Reform is just the thing for angels. + +[Illustration: The Lion and the Boar.] + + + + +The Tiger and the Deer. + + +One day a tiger, who had grown remorseful over his murderous career, +resolved to turn over a new leaf and live on terms of friendly interest +with the other animals of the forest. + +He started out on a campaign of pacification. The first animal he met was +the deer, whom he addressed in the most courteous and beautiful of +language, assuring him of his undying affection. + +"Bunco!" yelled the deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of ten +seconds in even time. + + +IMMORAL: + +It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters. + +[Illustration: The Tiger and the Deer.] + + + + +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass. + + +An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the market-place. +"What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a passer-by. So the man +put his boy on the ass and they went on. The next person they met said it +was a shame to see a boy ride while an old man walked. The man lifted the +boy off and got on himself. This also excited adverse comment, and the man +took the boy up behind him. The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., +and he upbraided them both roundly, saying that they would better carry the +ass than he them. Thereupon they tied the ass's legs to a long pole and +carried him between them. While crossing the bridge, into the town, the +man stumbled and the ass fell into the water and was drowned. They +promptly sued the city for damages, and compromised on $263, more than +eight times the value of the ass. + + +IMMORAL: + +Hard luck cannot touch smooth people. + +[Illustration: The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.] + + + + +The Shipwrecked Traveler. + + +A man who had traveled over many countries was shipwrecked off the coast of +Opera land. After a desperate battle with the waves he managed to near the +shore where the cruel waves played with him like a cat with a mouse. He +would pull himself up the beach, half fainting, and a great, dancing, +hissing breaker would pounce upon him and drive him back. + +He called for help until the inhabitants espied him. + +They came in a group, the women costumed as milkmaids and the men as +cavaliers. + +After making about twenty feet the company stopped. + +"Oh! save him, save him!" sang the soprano. + +"Yes, yes! we will save him!" sang back the tenor. + +Then everybody sang "Save him, save him; oh, yes, we will save him, save +him from _the sea_!!!" + +The sopranos took a B flat on the last note, while the tenors and altos +rambled up and down the scale and the bassos bombarded the theme with their +deepest chest tones. + +In the meantime the traveler had been washed out to sea. As the next wave +brought him to the strand the company advanced once more a short distance, +and began. + +"In the name of Mercy, help me!" screamed the drowning man. + +"Oh, hear his piteous cry," sang the tenors, and the prima donna stepped +out and sang a beautiful aria beginning "Now the cruel waves advancing." +After she had finished the bass got in front of the company. + +He described how his strong arm had plucked the stranger from a watery +grave, and advanced to the beach to suit the action to the words. + +But, alas! the traveler had given up the ghost several minutes before. Then +the company sang a miserere and went home to lunch. + + +IMMORAL: + +The finest of Raphael's canvases would make a poor overcoat. + +[Illustration: The Shipwrecked Traveler.] + + + + +The Discontented Woman. + + +A woman who was dissatisfied with her husband loudly petitioned Jove to +send her another. The god listened favorably to her petition and sent her +a demigod. + +In less than a week the woman was bewailing her lot again, saying she never +cared for mixed goods anyhow, and that while the god-half of her present +husband might be all right, the man-half snored and chewed tobacco. Jove, +wearied by her ill-humored persistency, took back the demi-god and sent her +a man out of the Yellow Book for husband, instead. + +Up to the present writing the lady in question hasn't discovered where she +is at. + + +IMMORAL: + +Hysterics and Art are only relations by marriage. + +[Illustration: The Discontented Woman.] + +[Footnote 1: (editorial note) This was corrected from the original, which + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fables For The Times, by H. W. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + https://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/old/13494-8.zip b/old/13494-8.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..20ebe44 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13494-8.zip diff --git a/old/13494-h.zip b/old/13494-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a617dd9 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13494-h.zip diff --git a/old/13494-h/13494-h.htm b/old/13494-h/13494-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef0c8bf --- /dev/null +++ b/old/13494-h/13494-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1300 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=us-ascii"> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of + Fables for the Times, + by H.W. Phillips and T.R. Sullivant. +</title> +<style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times, sans-serif;} + P { margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 14pt; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; } + HR { width: 33%; } + BODY{ margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + font-size: 14pt; } + PRE { font-family: Courier, monospaced; } + .note { font-size: 10pt; } + // --> +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Fables For The Times, by H. W. Phillips + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fables For The Times + +Author: H. W. Phillips + +Release Date: September 18, 2004 [EBook #13494] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FABLES FOR THE TIMES *** + + + + +Produced by David Newman, Clare Boothby and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h1>Fables for the Times.</h1> +<center> +<i>By</i> H.W. Phillips. +<BR> +<i>Illustrated by</i> T.R. Sullivant. +</center> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<h2> + Contents +</h2> +<p> </p> +<a href="#1">The Baa-Sheep and the Lion.</a> +<br> +<a href="#2">The Dog and the Meat.</a> +<br> +<a href="#3">The Fox and the Grapes.</a> +<br> +<a href="#4">The Fox and the Crow.</a> +<br> +<a href="#5">The Ass in the Lion's Skin.</a> +<br> +<a href="#6">The Horse and the Oyster.</a> +<br> +<a href="#7">The Monkey and the Ass.</a> +<br> +<a href="#8">The Merchant and the Fool.</a> +<br> +<a href="#9">The Wolf and the Sheep.</a> +<br> +<a href="#10">The Ambitious Hippopotamus.</a> +<br> +<a href="#11">The Man and the Serpent.</a> +<br> +<a href="#12">The Appreciative Man.</a> +<br> +<a href="#13">On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich.</a> +<br> +<a href="#14">The Idol and the Ass.</a> +<br> +<a href="#15">The Bee and Jupiter.</a> +<br> +<a href="#16">The Lion and the Boar.</a> +<br> +<a href="#17">The Tiger and the Deer.</a> +<br> +<a href="#18">The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.</a> +<br> +<a href="#19">The Shipwrecked Traveler.</a> +<br> +<a href="#20">The Discontented Woman.</a> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="1"><!-- 1 --></a> +<h2> +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion. +</h2> +<p> +A baa-sheep was lying under the paw of a black-maned lion. Whatever was +going to be done had to be done quickly. A thought flashed upon the sheep +and he said: +</p> +<p> +"Most dread lord and master, I have heard your voice extolled beyond that +of all others. Will you not sing me a little selection from Wagner before I +die?" +</p> +<p> +The lion, touched in his vanity, immediately started up and roared away +until the goose-flesh stood out on the rocks. When he had finished, the +sheep was in tears. +</p> +<p> +"What means this?" growled the lion in a rage. "Do you presume to criticise +my singing?" +</p> +<p> +"Oh, no!" sobbed the sheep. "That is not it. But I have heard that wool was +the worst thing in the world for the voice, and when I think of the ruin of +that beautiful organ of yours, consequent upon eating me, I weep to think +that I was not born hairless." +</p> +<p> +The lion regarded him out of the corner of his eye. Then, in his grandest +manner, said: "Run along home to your ma, little sheep; I was only playing +with you," and walked off through the forest with a great deal of dignity. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/005.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/005.png" width="640" height="400" alt="The Baa-Sheep and the Lion" border="0"></a> +<br>The Baa-Sheep and the Lion</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="2"><!-- 2 --></a> +<h2> +The Dog and the Meat. +</h2> +<p> +A dog with a piece of meat in his mouth was crossing a bridge over a placid +stream. On looking down he saw another dog with a precisely similar piece +of meat in the water below him. "That's a singular incident," he thought to +himself as he prepared to jump in. "But hold a minute! The angle of +incidence is always equal to the angle of reflection. Upon reflection, I +find that the other dog and the meat are only optical phenomena." And he +trotted on his way to Boston without further thought about the matter. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/007.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/007.png" width="450" height="400" alt="The Dog and the Meat" border="0"></a> +<br>The Dog and the Meat</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="3"><!-- 3 --></a> +<h2> +The Fox and the Grapes. +</h2> +<p> +A fox stood under an apple-tree and gazed up earnestly at the globes of +yellow lusciousness. "How sad, for the sake of an old-time piece of +literature," he said, "that the fox is a carnivorous animal and doesn't +care particularly about fruit!" +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +We all have plenty of faults without the Truly Good taking the trouble to +invent them for us. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/009.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/009.png" width="283" height="400" alt="The Fox and the Grapes" border="0"></a> +<br>The Fox and the Grapes</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="4"><!-- 4 --></a> +<h2> +The Fox and the Crow. +</h2> +<p> +A crow, having stolen a piece of flesh, perched in a tree to enjoy it at +leisure. A fox saw her, and, being hungry, thought he would employ a little +diplomacy to get the meat away from her. +</p> +<p> +"What a prima-donna the crow would be," he said, looking at her with mock +admiration, "if she only had a voice proportional to her other +attractions!" +</p> +<p> +The crow promptly dropped the piece of flesh on his head, completely +blinding him, and before he could recover from his surprise, lit on his +back and began to peck him viciously. "I'll have you to know," she cawed, +"that I'm a proper lady, and the man that compares me to them shameless +French singing hussies is going to get hurt." +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Don't praise the soft whiteness of a labor delegate's hands. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/011.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/011.png" width="230" height="400" alt="The Fox and the Crow" border="0"></a> +<br>The Fox and the Crow</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="5"><!-- 5 --></a> +<h2> +The Ass in the Lion's Skin. +</h2> +<p> +An ass, by some means unknown to the writer, having managed to get into a +lion's skin, ran around the neighborhood frightening the beasts into fits. +When he brayed, they said: "Jupiter! what a magnificent bass voice he has!" +and he was the pantata of that district until he died of old age. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +A good bluff, well chucked, is liable to do considerable execution. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/013.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/013.png" width="640" height="232" alt="The Ass in the Lion's Skin" border="0"></a> +<br>The Ass in the Lion's Skin</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="6"><!-- 6 --></a> +<h2> +The Horse and the Oyster. +</h2> +<p> +A very prancy horse, discovering an oyster on the sea-shore, thought to +show off a little and make the oyster envious. +</p> +<p> +After he had done some surprising leaps and curvetings, he went up to the +oyster, and, with a toss of his head, said: +</p> +<p> +"There! what do you think of that?" +</p> +<p> +"You must excuse me," answered the bivalve, "but I have been blind from +birth, and missed the whole show." +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Of what use is a dress suit in the Desert of Sahara? +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/015.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/015.png" width="497" height="400" alt="The Horse and the Oyster" border="0"></a> +<br>The Horse and the Oyster</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="7"><!-- 7 --></a> +<h2> +The Monkey and the Ass. +</h2> +<p> +An ass, having seen a monkey doing tricks on a roof, to the edification of +the villagers, became envious, and essayed to emulate his more agile rival. +</p> +<p> +The roof broke under his greater weight, and he fell through on his master, +squashing him flatter than a pan-cake. Thenceforward, having no one to say +him nay, he lived a life of peace and plenty, coming and going at his own +sweet will, while the monkey was captured by an organ grinder and works +eighteen hours a day. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +People are not always such asses as they seem to us. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/017.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/017.png" width="322" height="400" alt="The Monkey and the Ass" border="0"></a> +<br>The Monkey and the Ass</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="8"><!-- 8 --></a> +<h2> +The Merchant and the Fool. +</h2> +<p> +A merchant of horses was driving his stock to the market. On the road he +met a venerable old fool, who offered to buy his entire stock. +</p> +<p> +"It is this way," said the intended purchaser, "I will take your horses +now, and whenever I find use for one, I will send you the money for it." +</p> +<p> +"Now the gods be lenient to folly!" exclaimed the indignant merchant. +"Man, Man! where in the realm of idiocy did you get your knowledge of +business?" +</p> +<p> +"I ran a pay-on-publication journal for ten years," said the fool with +asperity. +</p> +<p> +But the merchant had vanished in a cloud of oaths and dust. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/019.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/019.png" width="640" height="389" alt="The Merchant and the Fool" border="0"></a> +<br>The Merchant and the Fool</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="9"><!-- 9 --></a> +<h2> +The Wolf and the Sheep. +</h2> +<p> +A wolf that had been left for dead by the dogs lay not far from a running +brook. He felt that one good drink might save his life. Just then a sheep +passed near. +</p> +<p> +"Pray, sister," said he very gently, but with a sinister twinkle of his eye +teeth, "bring me some water from yon stream." +</p> +<p> +"Certainly," said the sheep, and she brought him a glass in which she had +poured a few knock-out drops. As she sat on his corpse a little later she +moralized in this manner: "Some clever people are wicked, but all wicked +people are not clever by a d——d sight." +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/021.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/021.png" width="538" height="400" alt="The Wolf and the Sheep" border="0"></a> +<br>The Wolf and the Sheep</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="10"><!-- 10 --></a> +<h2> +The Ambitious Hippopotamus. +</h2> +<p> +A hippopotamus who had dwelt contentedly for years on the banks of a reedy +stream, looked up one day and saw an eagle. +</p> +<p> +She became immediately fired with a desire to fly. Having lived a staid and +respectable life that could not but find favor in the eyes of the gods, she +raised her voice in prayer. +</p> +<p> +Jove smiled a little, but granted her request. +</p> +<p> +On the instant a pair of broad, powerful wings were affixed to her +shoulders. +</p> +<p> +She was naturally a trifle nervous about trying them at first, but finally +mustered up her courage. +</p> +<p> +Away she swooped, and with a pardonable vanity took her course over a piece +of jungle where some old friends lived. +</p> +<p> +Precisely thirty-eight seconds later a convention of animals, all swearing +and trembling with fright, were trying to conceal themselves in the same +three-by-four hole in the ground. +</p> +<p> +The effect on the other animals disconcerted the good-natured hippopotamus +to such an extent that she lost control of herself and sailed through the +forest like an avalanche on a bender. Down went the trees and crack went +the branches, while horror-stricken beasts with bristling hair split the +welkin with their shrieks. +</p> +<p> +The hippopotamus made for home at her best speed. Arriving over the +familiar spot, she let go all holds and came down ker-splash in the mud, +knocking the astonished little hippopotamuses out into mid-stream. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, Jupiter! take 'em off!" she gasped. "I now see that the hippopotamus +was not intended to fly." +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +It takes more than nine bloomers to make a man. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/023.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/023.png" width="318" height="400" alt="The Ambitious Hippopotamus" border="0"></a> +<br>The Ambitious Hippopotamus</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="11"><!-- 11 --></a> +<h2> +The Man and the Serpent. +</h2> +<p> +A man, who had lived a beautiful purple life, went to sleep under a tree in +the forest. Jove sent a huge serpent to destroy him. The man awakened as +the reptile drew near. +</p> +<p> +"What a horrid sight!" he said. "But let us be thankful that the +pink-and-green elephant and the feathered hippopotamus are not also in +evidence." +</p> +<p> +And he took a dose of bromide and commended himself again to sleep, while +the serpent withdrew in some confusion. +</p> +<center> +WHAT THIS PROVES TO A THINKING MIND: +</center> +<p> +Jove himself couldn't get a job as Sunday-School Superintendent on his +reputation. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/025.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/025.png" width="476" height="400" alt="The Man and the Serpent" border="0"></a> +<br>The Man and the Serpent</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="12"><!-- 12 --></a> +<h2> +The Appreciative Man. +</h2> +<p> +A man stood in the archway of an ancient temple. He took in the wonderful +proportions and drank of the exquisite detail in an ecstasy of delight. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, great is art!" he cried in a frenzy. "Art is all! the only God!" +</p> +<p> +Just then an earthquake came mumbling along and jarred the whole country +loose. +</p> +<p> +As the man picked himself out of the jumbled-up ruins into the dust-filled +air, he encountered a lion who had lost his tail and his temper in the +<i>mélée</i>. +</p> +<p> +"Well, where's your art now?" snarled the lion.<sup><a href="#note-1">1</a></sup> +</p> +<p> +"All in my eye, I reckon," answered the man, as he bathed his damaged +optic. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/027.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/027.png" width="460" height="400" alt="The Appreciative Man" border="0"></a> +<br>The Appreciative Man</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="13"><!-- 13 --></a> +<h2> +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich. +</h2> +<p> +An ostrich, who was closely pursued by a hunter, suddenly thrust his head +deep down into the sand. +</p> +<p> +"Ah! ah!" exulted the hunter, "I have the silly thing at last." He advanced +to place a rope around the bird's legs; but the ostrich, who had accurately +timed his arrival, landed a kick in the pit of his stomach that sent him +into the hereafter like a bullet through a fog-bank. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +"Umph," said the ostrich as he surveyed his victim, "because a man looks +sad at the opening of a jack-pot, it doesn't necessarily follow that he's +only got ace-high." +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/029.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/029.png" width="640" height="306" alt="On the Not-Altogether-Credible +Habits of the Ostrich" border="0"></a> +<br>On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="14"><!-- 14 --></a> +<h2> +The Idol and the Ass. +</h2> +<p> +An ass felt it his duty to destroy superstition, so he went up to the brass +idol in the market-place and gave it a vigorous kick. +</p> +<p> +A dog came to him as he lay groaning on the ground, nursing his broken leg, +and said, "Well, did you prove anything?" +</p> +<p> +"Nothing," said the other. "Except that I am an ass." +</p> +<p> +Deductions to be drawn: Any old thing. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/031.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/031.png" width="361" height="400" alt="The Idol and the Ass" border="0"></a> +<br>The Idol and the Ass</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="15"><!-- 15 --></a> +<h2> +The Bee and Jupiter. +</h2> +<p> +A Bee, the queen of all the hives, ascended to Olympus with a present of +some super-refined honey for Jupiter. +</p> +<p> +The god was delighted with the honey, and in return offered to grant any +request the Bee might make. +</p> +<p> +"Give to me, I pray, O Lord of the Heavens! a sting, that, small and weak +as I am, I may not be defenceless against my enemies." +</p> +<p> +Jupiter was quite put out at this demand, as he knew the weapon would be +used principally against mankind, whom he much loved. But a god's promise +must be kept, so he said: +</p> +<p> +"It is granted you." +</p> +<p> +"Many thanks, most potent one!" cried the Bee, running the new-gained +weapon in and out with much satisfaction. +</p> +<p> +Jupiter sternly cut short her thanks, and continued: +</p> +<p> +"In using this means of defense and offense you will imperil your own life, +for the sting shall remain in the wound it makes and you shall die from the +loss of it." +</p> +<p> +The Bee flew around for a moment, and then lit on the back of the god's +neck. +</p> +<p> +"You will kindly reconsider that last clause," she said, "or," in a very +meaning tone, "I die right here." +</p> +<p> +Jupiter felt a cold chill take its agitated way up his spinal column. +</p> +<p> +"All right," he said, hastily. "I don't want to be small about it. Have it +your own way. Only please get off my neck!" +</p> +<p> +The Bee went joyously back to earth, humming a song of praise. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +How to play a cinch (Hoyle). "Put both feet on the encircled object. +Rosin the hands, take a long breath and <i>Pull</i>." +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/033.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/033.png" width="517" height="400" alt="The Bee and Jupiter" border="0"></a> +<br>The Bee and Jupiter</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="16"><!-- 16 --></a> +<h2> +The Lion and the Boar. +</h2> +<p> +One Sunday, when the new administration had induced a general thirst, a +lion and a boar came at the same moment to a corner spring to drink. +</p> +<p> +"Have one with me," said the lion. "No, sir; this is on me," said the boar. +From words they came to blows, and while they were in the press of combat +the clock struck one A.M. and they had to go home cold-sober and disgusted. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Reform is just the thing for angels. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/035.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/035.png" width="640" height="371" alt="The Lion and the Boar" border="0"></a> +<br>The Lion and the Boar</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="17"><!-- 17 --></a> +<h2> +The Tiger and the Deer. +</h2> +<p> +One day a tiger, who had grown remorseful over his murderous career, +resolved to turn over a new leaf and live on terms of friendly interest +with the other animals of the forest. +</p> +<p> +He started out on a campaign of pacification. The first animal he met was +the deer, whom he addressed in the most courteous and beautiful of +language, assuring him of his undying affection. +</p> +<p> +"Bunco!" yelled the deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of ten +seconds in even time. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/037.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/037.png" width="640" height="303" alt="The Tiger and the Deer" border="0"></a> +<br>The Tiger and the Deer</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="18"><!-- 18 --></a> +<h2> +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass. +</h2> +<p> +An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the market-place. +"What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a passer-by. So the man +put his boy on the ass and they went on. The next person they met said it +was a shame to see a boy ride while an old man walked. The man lifted the +boy off and got on himself. This also excited adverse comment, and the man +took the boy up behind him. The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., +and he upbraided them both roundly, saying that they would better carry the +ass than he them. Thereupon they tied the ass's legs to a long pole and +carried him between them. While crossing the bridge, into the town, the +man stumbled and the ass fell into the water and was drowned. They +promptly sued the city for damages, and compromised on $263, more than +eight times the value of the ass. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Hard luck cannot touch smooth people. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/039.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/039.png" width="640" height="351" alt="The Old Man, His Son and the Ass" border="0"></a> +<br>The Old Man, His Son and the Ass</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="19"><!-- 19 --></a> +<h2> +The Shipwrecked Traveler. +</h2> +<p> +A man who had traveled over many countries was shipwrecked off the coast of +Opera land. After a desperate battle with the waves he managed to near the +shore where the cruel waves played with him like a cat with a mouse. He +would pull himself up the beach, half fainting, and a great, dancing, +hissing breaker would pounce upon him and drive him back. +</p> +<p> +He called for help until the inhabitants espied him. +</p> +<p> +They came in a group, the women costumed as milkmaids and the men as +cavaliers. +</p> +<p> +After making about twenty feet the company stopped. +</p> +<p> +"Oh! save him, save him!" sang the soprano. +</p> +<p> +"Yes, yes! we will save him!" sang back the tenor. +</p> +<p> +Then everybody sang "Save him, save him; oh, yes, we will save him, save +him from <i>the sea</i>!!!" +</p> +<p> +The sopranos took a B flat on the last note, while the tenors and altos +rambled up and down the scale and the bassos bombarded the theme with their +deepest chest tones. +</p> +<p> +In the meantime the traveler had been washed out to sea. As the next wave +brought him to the strand the company advanced once more a short distance, +and began. +</p> +<p> +"In the name of Mercy, help me!" screamed the drowning man. +</p> +<p> +"Oh, hear his piteous cry," sang the tenors, and the prima donna stepped +out and sang a beautiful aria beginning "Now the cruel waves advancing." +After she had finished the bass got in front of the company. +</p> +<p> +He described how his strong arm had plucked the stranger from a watery +grave, and advanced to the beach to suit the action to the words. +</p> +<p> +But, alas! the traveler had given up the ghost several minutes before. Then +the company sang a miserere and went home to lunch. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +The finest of Raphael's canvases would make a poor overcoat. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/041.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/041.png" width="640" height="232" alt="The Shipwrecked Traveler" border="0"></a> +<br>The Shipwrecked Traveler</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + +<a name="20"><!-- 20 --></a> +<h2> +The Discontented Woman. +</h2> +<p> +A woman who was dissatisfied with her husband loudly petitioned Jove to +send her another. The god listened favorably to her petition and sent her +a demigod. +</p> +<p> +In less than a week the woman was bewailing her lot again, saying she never +cared for mixed goods anyhow, and that while the god-half of her present +husband might be all right, the man-half snored and chewed tobacco. Jove, +wearied by her ill-humored persistency, took back the demi-god and sent her +a man out of the Yellow Book for husband, instead. +</p> +<p> +Up to the present writing the lady in question hasn't discovered where she +is at. +</p> +<center> +IMMORAL: +</center> +<p> +Hysterics and Art are only relations by marriage. +</p> +<p> </p> +<center> +<a href="images/043.png" target="_blank"> +<img src="images/043.png" width="273" height="400" alt="The Discontented Woman" border="0"></a> +<br>The Discontented Woman</center> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> +<a name="note-1"><!-- Note Anchor 1 --></a> +<span class="note">[Footnote 1: (editorial note) This was corrected from the original, which +read: "Well, where's your art now, snarled the lion?"]</span> +</p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fables For The Times, by H. W. 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W. Phillips + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Fables For The Times + +Author: H. W. Phillips + +Release Date: September 18, 2004 [EBook #13494] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FABLES FOR THE TIMES *** + + + + +Produced by David Newman, Clare Boothby and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team + + + + + + + + + +Fables for the Times. + +_By_ H.W. Phillips. + +_Illustrated by_ T.R. Sullivant. + + + + +Contents + +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion +The Dog and the Meat +The Fox and the Grapes +The Fox and the Crow +The Ass in the Lion's Skin +The Horse and the Oyster +The Monkey and the Ass +The Merchant and the Fool +The Wolf and the Sheep +The Ambitious Hippopotamus +The Man and the Serpent +The Appreciative Man +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich +The Idol and the Ass +The Bee and Jupiter +The Lion and the Boar +The Tiger and the Deer +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass +The Shipwrecked Traveler +The Discontented Woman + + + + +The Baa-Sheep and the Lion. + + +A baa-sheep was lying under the paw of a black-maned lion. Whatever was +going to be done had to be done quickly. A thought flashed upon the sheep +and he said: + +"Most dread lord and master, I have heard your voice extolled beyond that +of all others. Will you not sing me a little selection from Wagner before I +die?" + +The lion, touched in his vanity, immediately started up and roared away +until the goose-flesh stood out on the rocks. When he had finished, the +sheep was in tears. + +"What means this?" growled the lion in a rage. "Do you presume to criticise +my singing?" + +"Oh, no!" sobbed the sheep. "That is not it. But I have heard that wool was +the worst thing in the world for the voice, and when I think of the ruin of +that beautiful organ of yours, consequent upon eating me, I weep to think +that I was not born hairless." + +The lion regarded him out of the corner of his eye. Then, in his grandest +manner, said: "Run along home to your ma, little sheep; I was only playing +with you," and walked off through the forest with a great deal of dignity. + +[Illustration: The Baa-Sheep and the Lion.] + + + + +The Dog and the Meat. + + +A dog with a piece of meat in his mouth was crossing a bridge over a placid +stream. On looking down he saw another dog with a precisely similar piece +of meat in the water below him. "That's a singular incident," he thought to +himself as he prepared to jump in. "But hold a minute! The angle of +incidence is always equal to the angle of reflection. Upon reflection, I +find that the other dog and the meat are only optical phenomena." And he +trotted on his way to Boston without further thought about the matter. + +[Illustration: The Dog and the Meat.] + + + + +The Fox and the Grapes. + + +A fox stood under an apple-tree and gazed up earnestly at the globes of +yellow lusciousness. "How sad, for the sake of an old-time piece of +literature," he said, "that the fox is a carnivorous animal and doesn't +care particularly about fruit!" + + +IMMORAL: + +We all have plenty of faults without the Truly Good taking the trouble to +invent them for us. + +[Illustration: The Fox and the Grapes.] + + + + +The Fox and the Crow. + + +A crow, having stolen a piece of flesh, perched in a tree to enjoy it at +leisure. A fox saw her, and, being hungry, thought he would employ a little +diplomacy to get the meat away from her. + +"What a prima-donna the crow would be," he said, looking at her with mock +admiration, "if she only had a voice proportional to her other +attractions!" + +The crow promptly dropped the piece of flesh on his head, completely +blinding him, and before he could recover from his surprise, lit on his +back and began to peck him viciously. "I'll have you to know," she cawed, +"that I'm a proper lady, and the man that compares me to them shameless +French singing hussies is going to get hurt." + + +IMMORAL: + +Don't praise the soft whiteness of a labor delegate's hands. + +[Illustration: The Fox and the Crow.] + + + + +The Ass in the Lion's Skin. + + +An ass, by some means unknown to the writer, having managed to get into a +lion's skin, ran around the neighborhood frightening the beasts into fits. +When he brayed, they said: "Jupiter! what a magnificent bass voice he has!" +and he was the pantata of that district until he died of old age. + + +IMMORAL: + +A good bluff, well chucked, is liable to do considerable execution. + +[Illustration: The Ass in the Lion's Skin.] + + + + +The Horse and the Oyster. + + +A very prancy horse, discovering an oyster on the sea-shore, thought to +show off a little and make the oyster envious. + +After he had done some surprising leaps and curvetings, he went up to the +oyster, and, with a toss of his head, said: + +"There! what do you think of that?" + +"You must excuse me," answered the bivalve, "but I have been blind from +birth, and missed the whole show." + + +IMMORAL: + +Of what use is a dress suit in the Desert of Sahara? + +[Illustration: The Horse and the Oyster.] + + + + +The Monkey and the Ass. + +An ass, having seen a monkey doing tricks on a roof, to the edification of +the villagers, became envious, and essayed to emulate his more agile rival. + +The roof broke under his greater weight, and he fell through on his master, +squashing him flatter than a pan-cake. Thenceforward, having no one to say +him nay, he lived a life of peace and plenty, coming and going at his own +sweet will, while the monkey was captured by an organ grinder and works +eighteen hours a day. + + +IMMORAL: + +People are not always such asses as they seem to us. + +[Illustration: The Monkey and the Ass.] + + + + +The Merchant and the Fool. + + +A merchant of horses was driving his stock to the market. On the road he +met a venerable old fool, who offered to buy his entire stock. + +"It is this way," said the intended purchaser, "I will take your horses +now, and whenever I find use for one, I will send you the money for it." + +"Now the gods be lenient to folly!" exclaimed the indignant merchant. +"Man, Man! where in the realm of idiocy did you get your knowledge of +business?" + +"I ran a pay-on-publication journal for ten years," said the fool with +asperity. + +But the merchant had vanished in a cloud of oaths and dust. + +[Illustration: The Merchant and the Fool.] + + + + +The Wolf and the Sheep. + + +A wolf that had been left for dead by the dogs lay not far from a running +brook. He felt that one good drink might save his life. Just then a sheep +passed near. + +"Pray, sister," said he very gently, but with a sinister twinkle of his eye +teeth, "bring me some water from yon stream." + +"Certainly," said the sheep, and she brought him a glass in which she had +poured a few knock-out drops. As she sat on his corpse a little later she +moralized in this manner: "Some clever people are wicked, but all wicked +people are not clever by a d----d sight." + +[Illustration: The Wolf and the Sheep.] + + + + +The Ambitious Hippopotamus. + + +A hippopotamus who had dwelt contentedly for years on the banks of a reedy +stream, looked up one day and saw an eagle. + +She became immediately fired with a desire to fly. Having lived a staid and +respectable life that could not but find favor in the eyes of the gods, she +raised her voice in prayer. + +Jove smiled a little, but granted her request. + +On the instant a pair of broad, powerful wings were affixed to her +shoulders. + +She was naturally a trifle nervous about trying them at first, but finally +mustered up her courage. + +Away she swooped, and with a pardonable vanity took her course over a piece +of jungle where some old friends lived. + +Precisely thirty-eight seconds later a convention of animals, all swearing +and trembling with fright, were trying to conceal themselves in the same +three-by-four hole in the ground. + +The effect on the other animals disconcerted the good-natured hippopotamus +to such an extent that she lost control of herself and sailed through the +forest like an avalanche on a bender. Down went the trees and crack went +the branches, while horror-stricken beasts with bristling hair split the +welkin with their shrieks. + +The hippopotamus made for home at her best speed. Arriving over the +familiar spot, she let go all holds and came down ker-splash in the mud, +knocking the astonished little hippopotamuses out into mid-stream. + +"Oh, Jupiter! take 'em off!" she gasped. "I now see that the hippopotamus +was not intended to fly." + + +IMMORAL: + +It takes more than nine bloomers to make a man. + +[Illustration: The Ambitious Hippopotamus.] + + + + +The Man and the Serpent. + + +A man, who had lived a beautiful purple life, went to sleep under a tree in +the forest. Jove sent a huge serpent to destroy him. The man awakened as +the reptile drew near. + +"What a horrid sight!" he said. "But let us be thankful that the +pink-and-green elephant and the feathered hippopotamus are not also in +evidence." + +And he took a dose of bromide and commended himself again to sleep, while +the serpent withdrew in some confusion. + + +WHAT THIS PROVES TO A THINKING MIND: + +Jove himself couldn't get a job as Sunday-School Superintendent on his +reputation. + +[Illustration: The Man and the Serpent.] + + + + +The Appreciative Man. + + +A man stood in the archway of an ancient temple. He took in the wonderful +proportions and drank of the exquisite detail in an ecstasy of delight. + +"Oh, great is art!" he cried in a frenzy. "Art is all! the only God!" + +Just then an earthquake came mumbling along and jarred the whole country +loose. + +As the man picked himself out of the jumbled-up ruins into the dust-filled +air, he encountered a lion who had lost his tail and his temper in the +_melee_. + +"Well, where's your art now?" snarled the lion.[1] + +"All in my eye, I reckon," answered the man, as he bathed his damaged +optic. + +[Illustration: The Appreciative Man.] + + + + +On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich. + + +An ostrich, who was closely pursued by a hunter, suddenly thrust his head +deep down into the sand. + +"Ah! ah!" exulted the hunter, "I have the silly thing at last." He advanced +to place a rope around the bird's legs; but the ostrich, who had accurately +timed his arrival, landed a kick in the pit of his stomach that sent him +into the hereafter like a bullet through a fog-bank. + + +IMMORAL: + +"Umph," said the ostrich as he surveyed his victim, "because a man looks +sad at the opening of a jack-pot, it doesn't necessarily follow that he's +only got ace-high." + +[Illustration: On the Not-Altogether-Credible Habits of the Ostrich.] + + + + +The Idol and the Ass. + + +An ass felt it his duty to destroy superstition, so he went up to the brass +idol in the market-place and gave it a vigorous kick. + +A dog came to him as he lay groaning on the ground, nursing his broken leg, +and said, "Well, did you prove anything?" + +"Nothing," said the other. "Except that I am an ass." + +Deductions to be drawn: Any old thing. + +[Illustration: The Idol and the Ass.] + + + + +The Bee and Jupiter. + + +A Bee, the queen of all the hives, ascended to Olympus with a present of +some super-refined honey for Jupiter. + +The god was delighted with the honey, and in return offered to grant any +request the Bee might make. + +"Give to me, I pray, O Lord of the Heavens! a sting, that, small and weak +as I am, I may not be defenceless against my enemies." + +Jupiter was quite put out at this demand, as he knew the weapon would be +used principally against mankind, whom he much loved. But a god's promise +must be kept, so he said: + +"It is granted you." + +"Many thanks, most potent one!" cried the Bee, running the new-gained +weapon in and out with much satisfaction. + +Jupiter sternly cut short her thanks, and continued: + +"In using this means of defense and offense you will imperil your own life, +for the sting shall remain in the wound it makes and you shall die from the +loss of it." + +The Bee flew around for a moment, and then lit on the back of the god's +neck. + +"You will kindly reconsider that last clause," she said, "or," in a very +meaning tone, "I die right here." + +Jupiter felt a cold chill take its agitated way up his spinal column. + +"All right," he said, hastily. "I don't want to be small about it. Have it +your own way. Only please get off my neck!" + +The Bee went joyously back to earth, humming a song of praise. + + +IMMORAL: + +How to play a cinch (Hoyle). "Put both feet on the encircled object. +Rosin the hands, take a long breath and _Pull_." + +[Illustration: The Bee and Jupiter.] + + + + +The Lion and the Boar. + + +One Sunday, when the new administration had induced a general thirst, a +lion and a boar came at the same moment to a corner spring to drink. + +"Have one with me," said the lion. "No, sir; this is on me," said the boar. +From words they came to blows, and while they were in the press of combat +the clock struck one A.M. and they had to go home cold-sober and disgusted. + + +IMMORAL: + +Reform is just the thing for angels. + +[Illustration: The Lion and the Boar.] + + + + +The Tiger and the Deer. + + +One day a tiger, who had grown remorseful over his murderous career, +resolved to turn over a new leaf and live on terms of friendly interest +with the other animals of the forest. + +He started out on a campaign of pacification. The first animal he met was +the deer, whom he addressed in the most courteous and beautiful of +language, assuring him of his undying affection. + +"Bunco!" yelled the deer, as he skipped away from there at the rate of ten +seconds in even time. + + +IMMORAL: + +It is useless to attempt to gain the good-will of suspicious characters. + +[Illustration: The Tiger and the Deer.] + + + + +The Old Man, His Son and the Ass. + + +An old man and his little boy were once driving an ass to the market-place. +"What's the matter with one of you riding?" said a passer-by. So the man +put his boy on the ass and they went on. The next person they met said it +was a shame to see a boy ride while an old man walked. The man lifted the +boy off and got on himself. This also excited adverse comment, and the man +took the boy up behind him. The next critic was a member of the S.P.C.A., +and he upbraided them both roundly, saying that they would better carry the +ass than he them. Thereupon they tied the ass's legs to a long pole and +carried him between them. While crossing the bridge, into the town, the +man stumbled and the ass fell into the water and was drowned. They +promptly sued the city for damages, and compromised on $263, more than +eight times the value of the ass. + + +IMMORAL: + +Hard luck cannot touch smooth people. + +[Illustration: The Old Man, His Son and the Ass.] + + + + +The Shipwrecked Traveler. + + +A man who had traveled over many countries was shipwrecked off the coast of +Opera land. After a desperate battle with the waves he managed to near the +shore where the cruel waves played with him like a cat with a mouse. He +would pull himself up the beach, half fainting, and a great, dancing, +hissing breaker would pounce upon him and drive him back. + +He called for help until the inhabitants espied him. + +They came in a group, the women costumed as milkmaids and the men as +cavaliers. + +After making about twenty feet the company stopped. + +"Oh! save him, save him!" sang the soprano. + +"Yes, yes! we will save him!" sang back the tenor. + +Then everybody sang "Save him, save him; oh, yes, we will save him, save +him from _the sea_!!!" + +The sopranos took a B flat on the last note, while the tenors and altos +rambled up and down the scale and the bassos bombarded the theme with their +deepest chest tones. + +In the meantime the traveler had been washed out to sea. As the next wave +brought him to the strand the company advanced once more a short distance, +and began. + +"In the name of Mercy, help me!" screamed the drowning man. + +"Oh, hear his piteous cry," sang the tenors, and the prima donna stepped +out and sang a beautiful aria beginning "Now the cruel waves advancing." +After she had finished the bass got in front of the company. + +He described how his strong arm had plucked the stranger from a watery +grave, and advanced to the beach to suit the action to the words. + +But, alas! the traveler had given up the ghost several minutes before. Then +the company sang a miserere and went home to lunch. + + +IMMORAL: + +The finest of Raphael's canvases would make a poor overcoat. + +[Illustration: The Shipwrecked Traveler.] + + + + +The Discontented Woman. + + +A woman who was dissatisfied with her husband loudly petitioned Jove to +send her another. The god listened favorably to her petition and sent her +a demigod. + +In less than a week the woman was bewailing her lot again, saying she never +cared for mixed goods anyhow, and that while the god-half of her present +husband might be all right, the man-half snored and chewed tobacco. Jove, +wearied by her ill-humored persistency, took back the demi-god and sent her +a man out of the Yellow Book for husband, instead. + +Up to the present writing the lady in question hasn't discovered where she +is at. + + +IMMORAL: + +Hysterics and Art are only relations by marriage. + +[Illustration: The Discontented Woman.] + +[Footnote 1: (editorial note) This was corrected from the original, which + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Fables For The Times, by H. W. 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