diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/7p10710.txt | 2553 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/7p10710.zip | bin | 0 -> 44246 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/8p10710.txt | 2553 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/8p10710.zip | bin | 0 -> 44265 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/8p10710h.htm | 3053 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/8p10710h.zip | bin | 0 -> 1456908 bytes |
6 files changed, 8159 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/7p10710.txt b/old/7p10710.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..10333ca --- /dev/null +++ b/old/7p10710.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2553 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, 1870, by Various + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9961] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on November 5, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 7 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J. NICKINSON | + | | + | begs to announce to the friends of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | residing in the country, that for their convenience, he has | + | made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of | + | | + | ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | + | | + | the same will be forwarded, postage paid. | + | | + | Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing Houses | + | can have the same forwarded by inclosing two stamps. | + | | + | OFFICE OF | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + | [P. O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS. | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO'S MONTHLY. | + | | + | THE FIVE NUMBERS FOR APRIL, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Will be ready May 2d. Price, Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | SUPPLIED BY THE | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper | + |than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called | + | to the following grades, as being better suited for business | + | purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | | + | We recommend for bank and office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + + + + +[Illustration: Vol. 1. No. 7.] + + + +PUNCHINELLO + + + +SATURDAY, MAY 14, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW-YORK. + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S PATENT BINDERS for "Punchinello," to preserve the | + | paper for binding, will be sent, post-paid, on receipt of | + | One Dollar, by "Punchinello Publishing Company," 83 Nassau | + | Street, New-York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | See 15th page for Extra Premiums. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | J. NICKINSON, | + | | + | Room No. 4, | + | | + | 83 NASSAU STREET. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bazar Book of Decorum. | + | | + | BAZAR BOOK OF DECORUM. The Care of the Person, Manners, | + | Etiquette, and Ceremonials. 16mo, Toned Paper, Cloth, | + | Beveled Edges, $1.00. | + | | + | "The great value of this book to American readers will be | + | found In the fact that it is not merely a useful and | + | trustworthy guide in matters of fashionable etiquette, but | + | also in those make up the daily round of social and domestic | + | life. The subject is treated with a large liberality of view | + | that takes in many of the practical questions arising in | + | every grade of society, in regard to dress, food, exercise, | + | daily habits of the mind and body, etc. The book is divided | + | into three parts, and treats, 1st. of the Care of the | + | Person; 2d, of Manners; 3d, of Etiquette and Ceremonials. | + | Under each head Is given a large amount of information upon | + | points often unconsciously disregarded by Americans. The | + | author tells exactly what people want to know in respect to | + | giving breakfasts and dinners, giving and receiving calls, | + | evening parties, visits of ceremony, addressing notes, | + | letters, invitations, etc., and meets an acknowledged want | + | in a very practical as well as entertaining manner." | + | | + | | + | Published by Harper & Brothers. | + | | + | Sent by mail, Postage Prepaid, on receipt of $1.00. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Thomas J. Rayner & Co., | + | | + | 29 LIBERTY STREET, | + | | + | New-York. | + | | + | MANUFACTURERS OF THE | + | | + | _Finest Cigars made in the United States._ | + | | + | All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples sent to | + | any responsible house. Also importers of the | + | | + | _"FUSBOS" BRAND,_ | + | | + | Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and from | + | ten to twenty per cent cheaper. | + | | + | Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money by | + | calling at | + | | + | 29 LIBERTY STREET. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Notice to Ladies. | + | | + | DIBBLEE, | + | | + | Of 854 Broadway, | + | | + | Has just received a large assortment of all the latest | + | styles of | + | | + | Chignons, Chatelaines, etc. | + | | + | FROM PARIS, | + | | + | Comprising the following beautiful varieties: | + | La Coquette, La Plenitude, Le Bouquet, | + | La Sirene, L'Imperatrice etc., | + | | + | At prices varying from $2 upward. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WEVILL & HAMMAR, | + | | + | Wood Engravers, | + | | + | No. 208 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HERCULES MUTUAL | + | | + | LIFE ASSURANCE SOCIETY | + | | + | OF THE UNITED STATES | + | | + | No. 240 Broadway, New-York. | + | | + | POLICIES NON-FORFEITABLE. | + | | + | All Policies | + | Entitled to Participation in Profits. | + | Dividends Declared Annually. | + | | + | JAMES D. REYMERT, President. | + | | + | ASHER S. MILLS, Secretary. | + | | + | THOMAS H. WHITE, M.D., Medical Examiner. | + | | + | | + | ACTIVE AGENTS WANTED. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management and | + | publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | + | with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | + | to Justify the undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public tor approval, the | + | | + | NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | + | | + | WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and witty | + | without vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It will be | + | printed on a superior tinted paper of sixteen pages, size 13 | + | 9, and will be for sale by all respectable newsdealers who | + | have the judgment to know a good thing when they see it, or | + | by subscription from this office. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for Illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable, and will be paid for liberally. | + | | + | Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage | + | stamps are inclosed. | + | | + | | + | Terms: | + |One copy, per year, in advance..........................$4 00 | + | | + | Single copies, ten cents. | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | + | cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | + | or paper, price, $2.50, for ........................... 5 50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for....7 00 | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | P.O. Box, 2783. | + | | + | _(For terms to Clubs, see 16th page.)_ | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Mercantile Library | + | | + | Clinton Hall, Astor Place, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | This is now the largest circulating Library in America, the | + | number of volumes on its shelves being 114,000. About 1000 | + | volumes are added each month; and very large purchases are | + | made of all new and popular works. | + | | + | Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents | + | each delivery. | + | | + | TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP: | + | | + | TO CLERKS, | + | | + | $1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues. | + | | + | TO OTHERS, $5 a year. | + | | + | SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR SIX MONTHS. | + | | + | BRANCH OFFICES | + | | + | AT | + | | + | NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK, | + | | + | AND AT | + | | + | Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | AMERICAN | + | | + | BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND | + | | + | SEWING-MACHINE CO., | + | | + | 572 and 574 Broadway, New-York. | + | | + | This great combination machine is the last and greatest | + | improvement on all former machines, making, in addition to | + | all the work done on best Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful | + | | + | BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES | + | | + | in all fabrics. | + | | + | Machine, with finely finished | + | | + | OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER | + | | + | complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, | + | $60. This last is beyond all question the simplest, easiest | + | to manage and to keep in order, of any machine in the | + | market. Machines warranted, and full instruction given to | + | purchasers. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY SPEAR, | + | | + | STATIONER, PRINTER, | + | | + | AND | + | | + | BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER. | + | | + | ACCOUNT BOOKS MADE TO ORDER. | + | | + | PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. | + | | + | 82 Wall Street, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +BATHOS and pathos are closely allied in sound as well as in sense. Mr. +FECHTER evidently regards them as completely identical; and in his +acting, as in his pronunciation, uniformly prefers the former to the +latter. He has recently exemplified this by his personation of CLAUDE +MELNOTTE, in that most tawdry specimen of the cotton-velvet drama, the +LADY OF LYONS. This melancholy event took place a few nights since at +the French Theatre, that mausoleum of the illegitimate French drama. +Miss CARLOTTA LECLERCQ, an actress who deserves the highest praise, and +who would receive it were it not that a doubt as to the proper +pronunciation of her name prevents the bashful critic from mentioning +her when flushed with the generous enthusiasm of beer, played PAULINE, +and a number of Uncertain People played the dickens with the rest of the +_dramatis personae_. Every one knows the play, and no one cares to hear +how the Uncertain People mangled it. The audience naturally took no +interest in it until the third scene of the first act was reached, and +shouts of "Long live CLAUDE MELNOTTE" were heard from behind the scenes. +After which everybody remarked, "Now he's coming," and rubbed their +lorgnettes with looks of expectation and corners of pocket-handkerchiefs. + +_Enter_ CLAUDE. "Gif me choy, dear mutter, I've won the brize." + +_Mother_. "Humph! What's the wally of it, my boy?" + +CLAUDE. "Every thing. It is wealth--the 'ope of vame--the ambition to pe +worthier of PAULINE. Ah! I lofe her! I 'ave sent a boem to her. My +messenger ought efen now to be returned." + +_Enter_ GASPAR. "CLAUDE, your verses are returned! With kicks! I could +show the marks of them, were it proper to do so in the presence of a +mixed audience!" + +_Mother_. "Now you are cured, Claude." + +CLAUDE. "So! I do sgatter her image to the winds. I will peat her menial +ruffians. I will do a fariety of voolish actions. What 'ave we 'ere? A +ledder? (_Reads it_.) BEAUSEANT bromises I shall marry her! Oh! refenge +and lofe! I will marry her, and pully her afterwards." (_Curtain_.) + +_Young Lady, who reads Dickens_. "How sweet he is! So romantic! I do +love this sweet, lovely play so much." + +_Accompanying Young Man, who regards himself a critic on the ground that +he once knew a ticket-speculator_. "Yes. It is one of the best plays +out. It's so full of gags, you know." + +_Young Lady_. "Gags? What are they?" + +_Accompanying young man, who, etc._ "Gags is the professional name for +nice tabloze. Scenes where they stand round in good positions, you +know." + +_Enthusiastic Man, who has come in with a pass_. "Well! I've never +seen any acting like FECHTER'S before. It's magnificent." + +_Veteran Play-goer_. "I hope I'll never see anything like it again. +He reminds me of a bull with delirium tremens in a china shop." + +_Rest of the Audience_. "Only four more acts. Thank goodness we've +got through with one." + +_Act II. Enter Uncertain People. They recite in a timid and indistinct +tone the prescribed fustian. They are followed by_ CLAUDE, PAULINE, +_and others_. + +CLAUDE. "These are peautiful gartens. Who blanned them?" + +_Mdme._ DESCHAPPELLES. "A gardener named CLAUDE MELNOTTE. He wrote +verses to my daughter. Ha! ha! Also, he! he!" + +CLAUDE. "This GLAUDE must be a monsous imbudent berson." + +PAULINE. "Sweet Prince, tell me again of thy palace by the Lake of +Como." + +CLAUDE. "A balace lifting to eternal summer its marple walls, from out a +closuy power of goolest voliage, musigal with pirds. Dost like the +bigture?" + +_Enter Mdme._ DESCHAPPELLES. "Oh! Prince, you must fly. The minions of +the Directory are laying for you. Take my daughter; marry her, and go to +Como." (_He takes her and flies R.U.E. Curtain_.) + +_Young Lady, who reads Dickens (wiping away the tear of imbecility)_. +"How sweet! how sweet!" + +_Accompanying Young Man_. "Yes. It is so natural and touching. I have +never seen a finer actor behind the footlights." + +_Everybody else_. "Hey! What's that you say? Asleep? Of course I +wasn't." + +_Act III. Enter Uncertain Persons as before. They ultimately go out +again. Applause. Enter_ CLAUDE, _his_ MOTHER, _and_ PAULINE. + +_Mother_. "This young man is of poor but honest parents. Know you not +that you are wedded to my son, CLAUDE MELNOTTE?" + +PAULINE. "Your son? Hold, hold me, somebody!" + +CLAUDE. "Leave us, mutter. Have bity on us." (_The old lady leaves_.) + +CLAUDE. "Now, lady, 'ear me." + +PAULINE. "Hear thee? Her son! Do fiends usually indulge in the luxury of +parents? Speak!" + +CLAUDE. "Gurse me. Thy gurse would plast me less than thy forgifeness." +(_He rants in broken English with unintelligible rapidity for next +half-hour, until his mother puts an end to the universal misery by +carrying Pauline off to bed. Curtain_.) + +_Young Lady, who reads Dickens_. "Oh, how sweetly pretty!" + +_Accompanying Young Man_. "Yes. He is even a better actor than MCKEAN +BUCHANAN." + +_Voices from all Parts of the House. "Let's go home. I can't stand two +more acts of this sort of thing."_ + +One of these voices was the soft, silvery and modest voice of MATADOR, +who went out, and sitting upon a convenient hydrant, (not one of the +infamous cast-iron abortions with an unpleasant knob on the cover,) +contemplated the midnight stars, and seriously meditated upon Mr. +FECHTER. And in spite of a previous unhesitating belief in Mr. DICKENS' +critical judgment, and in spite of a desire to find in Mr. FECHTER the +greatest actor of the age, he could not perceive in what respect that +distinguished gentleman deserves his world-wide reputation. Is his +manner natural? Is his elocution even tolerably good? Is his +pronunciation of English words any thing but barely intelligible? To +these questions a mental echo answered with a melancholy negative. And +when the occupant of the meditative hydrant demanded to know what single +merit could be found in Mr. FECHTER'S acting, his only answer was a +suggestion from a prosaic policeman that he cease to put idiotic +questions to the unoffending lamp-post. + +There are those--and enough of them to fill any theatre--who sincerely +admire Mr. FECHTER; but it is impossible to resist the conviction that +their admiration is only a dutiful acquiescence in the judgment of Mr. +DICKENS. With the utmost desire to do no injustice to a genial +gentleman, who conscientiously strives to carry out his theories of what +acting should be, the undersigned is forced to confess that Mr. FECHTER +in an English play is a spectacle so hopelessly and earnestly absurd, as +to call for commiseration rather than for the laughter which it would +deserve were it professedly a burlesque entertainment. + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +EXCELSIOR. + +The _Gold Hill Daily News_, of Nevada, has found a big sapphire--a +regular _Koh-i-noor_ of gems. It says: + +"While at San Francisco, a few weeks ago, we had the pleasure of seeing +the SANGALLI ballet troupe at MAGUIRE'S Opera House, and the artistic, +glowing beauties of the Sapphire dance yet pleasurably linger in our +memory." + +The dance in question, which the Gold Hill editor describes as "a higher +order of the famous 'Can-can,'" is new to us. It makes us feel "blue" to +think that we have never seen the Sapphire dance. "Higher" than the +Can-can! Good gracious! if heels go higher in the Sapphire than in the +Can-can, may we not be pardoned for inquiring, "What next?" + + * * * * * + +Nought for Nought. + +Alas! that poor SYPHER should Cipher to gala +A seat he must evermore Sigh for in vain; +But why should we Sigh for poor SYPHER'S defeat, +When his friends couldn't Cipher him into his seat. + + * * * * * + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District +Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New-York. + + * * * * * + +THE FINE ARTS IN PHILADELPHIA. + +PHILADELPHIA, April 12. + +Dear PUNCHINELLO: A few days since I received a card of invitation for +admission to a private view of a very fine collection of pictures, by +European and American artists. I visited the galleries, accompanied by +an amateur friend who has a fine artistic education, having travelled +some six months on the Continent. Being engaged in the picture-auction +business, I am not altogether a tyro in art, and determined to send you +a few notes taken on the spot, the combined effort of amateur friend and +myself. The walk to the gallery, extending over a half-hour in time, was +taken up by my amateur friend aforesaid, with an endeavor to give me +some general ideas, more than initiative, with reference to art matters. +For instance, he said the public liked glitter and varnish in a picture, +but it does not follow on that account that the picture is good. He then +mentioned the "Mimminee-Pimminee" style, and the "Pre-Raffaelite" style, +and the Raree shows of art, and I had the whole subject so jumbled up +that my artistic ideas became quite confused. He made a quotation, +giving me to understand that it was not original; it ran as follows: +"Indifferent pictures, like dull people, must be absolutely moral." I am +not sufficiently informed to quite comprehend this selection from +another man, but as we were at the time about entering the galleries, I +remained quietly ignorant. + +[Illustration] + +The first picture that attracted our admiration was a "Sheep scene," by +Lambdin. Every particular hair on the old ram is well made out. The +frame on the picture is beautifully embossed, with a rich velvet border +of sea-green mandarin pattern. + +The next picture worthy of notice is a "Street in Venice," by +Canal-etti--a singular specimen of this artist's first manner. The +figure at the crossing is rendered with great feeling. It is needless to +mention that the street is covered with water, which is beautifully +clear and transparent, showing the depth of mud and slime during the dry +season. The frame is ornamented with flowers in relief, and gilt in the +very best manner. + +[Illustration] + +"A Musical Party," by Bass-ano, is very highly finished, especially the +party, who have evidently been inhaling stimulants. This picture is +painted on a gold ground, and is considered a rare specimen of Italian +art. It was formerly in the Campo-Santo-di-Pisa collection. + +[Illustration] + +The frame is the blue-lotus pattern, very curiously gilt and chased. +This style of frame would sell without difficulty. + +The picture called the "Star of the East," by WEST, has a scolloped +frame in the Tuscan style, with extra fine enamelling. This is a very +singular picture. It must be admitted that this frame is finished with +great care. + +There is a frame made from a curious kind of wood, on a picture by +CONSTABLE, entitled the "Midnight Arrest." The picture is certainly a +matchless gem, very low in tone. The mosaic border to the frame is quite +unique in its design. + +Among the works by American artists, we notice some remarkably fine +productions. The picture by a lady amateur, entitled, "The Toilet of a +Girl of the Period," demonstrates the progress our artists are making in +_genre_ painting. The subject is rendered with great purity of feeling, +and the smelling-bottle in the foreground adds greatly to the spirit of +the composition. The frame is highly ornamented with scarce Japan gold, +elaborately chased in a superior manner. + +There is a picture by Miss T----n, called the "Blonde's Revenge," that +evinces talent of a superior order. This picture has been noticed by +various New-York and Western journals, but I do not consider with any +degree of justice to its surpassing merits. The color is equal to a +beautifully polished Pompeiian brass door-plate; the drawing is immense, +though truth must compel us to say that the costumes are rather +slighted. The principal figure of the group, which is taken from a +French model, seems to stand right out from the canvas; this I consider +a very high point of excellence. Visitors should be cautioned against +approaching this picture. + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration] + +I regret that time will not permit me to give you any further notice of +this collection, but I will endeavor to get my amateur friend to go +often and obtain notes for me. Unless I accompany him, however, I fear +he will not pay sufficient attention to the frames. + +Yours, G. + + * * * * * + +"Cometh Up as a Flower." +Very likely it does; but there is one thing that don't go down as +the Flour--and that's the price of bread. + + * * * * * + +ASTRONOMICAL CONVERSATIONS. + +[BY A FATHER AND DAUGHTER RESIDING ON THE PLANET VENUS.] + +NO. II. + +_D_. OH, FATHER, what funny things are caused by the revolution of a +planet! + +_F_. Well, revolutions are not _always_ such funny things, as those +wretched creatures on the earth up there must have found out by this +time. + +_D_. How dry you are, pa! I didn't mean the revolutions _on_ a planet, +but the revolutions _of_ a planet. + +_F_. Well, a distinction, I admit. But what are you driving at? + +_D_. Several things. For instance, seven revolutions of the planet Earth +produce a new number of PUNCHINELLO--a funny thing, as you often say +yourself. + +_F_. Well put, truly. + +_D_. And seven revolutions also give rise to the _Revolution_ itself, +which (being a woman all Right in head and heart) I regard as about the +funniest thing going. + +_F_. "Funny," child? Why, I never saw any thing less so. It is +_dreadfully_ serious. It is even sanguinary; sadder still, abusive and +vulgar. What is there comical about coarseness? + +_D_. You don't take my idea, father. It is funny, because it assumes so +much. It does not realize that womanly modesty is the great obstacle to +its success, and that if it was as well endowed with that quality as the +average of American women, it would promptly cease to revolve. + +_F_. Why, HELENE! what has set you off? Where did you pick up this +nonsense? What can you possibly know of Women's Rights, as I believe +they call the new Movement? + +_D_. Why _shouldn't_ I know something about it, when it has been in your +mouth for months? And ain't _I_ a woman? Besides, don't we women know +some things by _instinct_? + +_F_. Well, well, child! I wish you could know Astronomy by instinct; for +I begin to see I've a job before me, if only to keep you to the point. + +_D_. The Compass-point, do you mean, father? + +_F_. No; the Study-point. Do you call this studying Astronomy? + +_D_. I think, pa, I like the _practical_ part best. + +_F_. Ah, that which allows you to study the Fashions in Broadway! Well, +woman is woman, I believe, the Universe over! But, come; a short lesson, +to begin with. Here is a fine view of Saturn, with his Rings. + +_D_. "Rings?" Are they anything like the New-York Rings you have read +about? + +_F_. Well, yes; no, not exactly; but a Ring within a Ring, is a phrase +that applies to both subjects, just now. + +_D_. Oh, pshaw! I thought you meant finger-rings! What does Saturn want +of Rings? + +_F_. And what does New-York want of 'em. They are _there_, and +there they'll stay! + +_D_. But _I_ mean, what does a _gentleman_ want of rings? + +_F_. Don't we find, every where, that the most Saturnine, the dullest, +and stupidest, and lowest, are generally the fondest of this sort of +ornament? + +_D_. Oh, dear! Father, how you _do_ try me! (Do see him, gazing away, +when he _knows_ I'm dying to get a squint! He pays me no more attention +than though I was a mere ANTHONY! Why, what ails him?) Father! Father, +dear! what--what's the matter? Why are you crying? + +_F_. Come here, and look; quick! Oh, HELENE; isn't it horrible? + +_D_. Why--what is it, father? Console yourself; it is a good way off to +say the least! [Looks a moment.] Why, it's those savage Freedmen, I do +declare! about to sacrifice that amiable-looking white! A tender-looking +man; is he what they call a Ku--Ku-- + +_F_. Klux? Oh, no. That is a Missionary; and the blacks are not +Freedmen, as you suppose, but Cannibals. They are about to roast him. +You see the fire? + +_D_. Oh, quite distinctly! look, father!--he is making a sign to them. +What does it mean? + +_F_. [Looking.] It means that he has lost the use of his +tongue--probably from fright--but would like to write something. + +_D_. Like so many other tongue-tied scribblers! Do they let him? + +_F_. Oh, yes; they bring a board, and a piece of chalk. + +_D_. How large is the piece? + +_F_. The usual size. He is writing. + +_D_. What does the poor fellow say? + +_F_. He is laconic. He merely writes-- + +COOK ME RARE. + +_D_. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! + +_F_. Boo-hoo-hoo-too! + + * * * * * + +WHAT I KNOW ABOUT FREE TRADE. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: In a paper of such great influence as PUNCHINELLO, +vast subjects should be set before the community. I know of none vaster +than Free Trade. You see, every body understands that subject and nobody +can explain it. I propose, therefore, to turn the light of my penny dip +upon it, and to set forth, in concise language, what I know about free +trade. + +It must be premised that there is a great deal to be said on the other +side, and that nothing can be more abominable than free trade to a +protectionist, unless it be protection to a free trader. Free trade +is--well--free trade is--well--let me illustrate: cigars made out of +cabbages are not nice; not to put too fine a point upon it, they're +nasty. We are greater at raising cabbages than we are at sprouting cigar +tobacco. Under these circumstances the free trader (he's a smoker, or if +he isn't, his aunt or sister is) says we want Havana cigars to enter our +lips without the taint of revenue. That's free trade. + +Every youth is a free trader. Don't you remember your own youthful +follies? If you are of the male persuasion, would you have traded your +jack-knife for TOM SMITH'S bull-pup, if there had been a tariff on the +pup. Or, if you are of the feminine persuasibility, would you have +swapped your crying-doll for BETSY JONSES' ring-tailed cat, if the cat +had been compelled to crawl through the custom-house and pay duties? +Besides, don't you remember how often your mother deprived you of a +second cup of tea, on the plea that it would injure your health? Much as +I respect your mamma, I can not refrain from informing you that that +plea was false, and that it was the absence of free trade that deprived +you of a second cup of China whiskey. Then you know that the lump-sugar, +the raisins, the cake, etc., were always locked up in a pantry. All the +result, my dear sir, of an absence of free trade. + +Now that you have grown up, the result is the same. You must have your +soup, and (I do not mean to be pathetic) what is soup without salt? You +must travel on the cars, but what are cars without rails? But, alas, +salt and rails are in the black list. What do you care, whether or not +TOM JONES and BILLY BROWN make money out of their salt and iron mines? +You want cheap soup and cheap riding. Then every time that you pay one +hundred dollars for your wife's dry-goods, you have the ecstatic +pleasure of knowing that you are paying fifty dollars because Mr. JOHN +ROBINSON can't make goods as cheap as the English manufacturers. + +In the natural state, man is a free trader. When our good Christian +brethren give an Indian a string of beads for a buffalo-skin, the Indian +charges no custom duties. He don't want to keep beads out of his +country. When LOT swapped his wife away for a pillar of salt, the trade +was free. When the Americans traded away good ships and cargoes for +Alabama claims, not a word was said about the tariff. These, however, +are cases in which nature rather gets ahead of civilization. + +See the result of the lack of free trade in our country. The brick +manufacturers must be protected, so a heavy tariff was placed on the +foreign article. Our brick men, finding that they had a soft thing, +tried to solve that conundrum which the Israelites gave up: "How do you +make bricks without straw?" They made a patent brick, built the Howard +Museum in Washington, (was it a museum or a college?) the thing tumbled +down, and a Congressional committee sat among its ruins. Poor Gen. +HOWARD is in a muddle, and wishes, from the bottom of his heart, that we +had free trade in bricks. + +Then, morally, see the high position of the free trader. Poor men who +must have tea or cigars or English or French manufactures, are never +driven to smuggling, where free trade prevails. The free trader would +even abolish the tariff of two dollars and a half, imposed on human +chattels who land at Castle Garden. + +That's all I know about free trade. I thought I knew more. I'm afraid I +haven't illuminated the subject; however, I will turn my lantern next +week on protection. + +LOT. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SHOCKING AFFAIR. + +_First Heavy Swell._ "WHAT'S THE MATTER, OLD FELLOW?--UNDER THE +WEATHER, EH?" + +_Second ditto._ "WORSE THAN THAT. _I've burst my shirt-collar!_"] + + * * * * * + +OUR FOREIGN CORRESPONDENCE. + +(BY ATLANTIC CABLE.) + + +Your representative's little speech at the great PUNCHINELLO dinner may +be better imagined than described. A few words, however, may give you +its _animus_. + +"If," said I, "in this illustrious company, one may indulge in a +Wellerism"-- + +"Spell it with a _we_, sir, if you please," whispered SAMIVEL, who stood +right behind me. + +I resumed. "I have to say, that my feelings at this hour are too many +for me. Perhaps I might add, that the courses have been so also. As my +friend SOYER used to observe when we were together in the Crimea, +astronomical and gastronomical laws are alike fixed. And one of them is, +that the precession of the dinner-plates, and the nutation of the +glasses, do not promote the music of the spheres. But, Mr. PUNCH and +gentlemen, although not one of the heavenly bodies, indeed altogether +terrestrial, one feels, naturally, rounder in his orbit, and a little +more likely to see stars, after such a dinner as this, than before. Do I +not, indeed, see around me now, all the stars of the intellectual +firmament? Are not SIRIUS and ARCTURUS here, in their glory, as well as +ORION and the rest? As my old friend CRISPIN would say, their name is +legion! _I_ would blaze, gentlemen, too, if possible, in honor of the +occasion; but, as I can't Comet, meteors fall in lamentation of my poor +ability. + +"The day we celebrate is truly a great one. Since the time of OLAF, the +Northman, our Anglo-Saxon-Celtic race has loved its jesting +philosophers. No fools are they, in fact, even when to that name they +'stoop to conquer.' + + 'The wise man's folly is anatomized + Even by the squand'ring glances of the fool.' + +"The sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination +wraps me, is a most humorous sadness. + +"But, gentlemen, your walls have, if not ears, tongues, to recall the +glorious humor and wit of our race. HOGARTH looks down upon us. ADDISON +tells us of dear old Sir ROGER de COVERLEY; I am sure he must have been +the grandfather of Mr. PICKWICK. STERNE makes us weep on one side and +smile on the other, at the mention of my UNCLE TOBY; GOLDSMITH, at the +remembrance of himself. And so does TOM HOOD, the prince of humorists. +THACKERAY we all remember; and neither he nor his Vanity Fair will ever +be forgotten. DOUGLAS JERROLD, and JOHN LEECH, too--the only tears they +ever made men shed were at their graves. And who can fail to feel like a +"pendulum betwixt a smile and tear," when he remembers our ARTEMUS WARD? +Over the water now we have some yet; of whom we count "the TWAIN one;" +and we can get up as good BILLINGS-gate as ever went to market. Then, +for right Saxon wit, have we not SAXE himself? And, for the luminous, +PETROLEUM, the ex-postmaster of the Cross-roads? + +"I represent a name, gentlemen, new with us, yet old in Europe. You are +well aware that, in Italy"-- + +"_That_ might 'uv been tuk for granted; as the donkey said ven his dam +called him a hass"--whispered, rather loudly, SAMIVEL, behind me. + +Now whether it was the Thames atmosphere that had got into my head, or +whether it was SAM WELLER'S unexpected remark, I am unable, to this day, +to say. But, somehow or other, my speech had, by this time, gone up. So +I went down. If the speech was a rocket, I represented a stick. Perhaps +JENKINS may yet wake up to the importance to the civilization of the +century of reporting in full CHARLES DICKENS' speech, and BULWER'S, and +the rest. If so, I will send them on. PUNCHINELLO, however, was honored +as he deserves, at this dinner. Now for a little serious news. + + +GREAT BRITAIN. + +JOHN SMITH, Esq., (son of the _elder_ Smith,) finds it necessary to +contradict the rumor that he is going to the United States. He is +fearful lest there may, possibly, be another person of the same name in +America; which might cause confusion. + +_On dit_ that one of VICTORIA'S daughters was to be engaged to be +married to a young member of the house of ORANGE. But it is believed now +to have been a sour orange. + +Rev. Mr. MACKONOCHIE has been warned by the Bishop of London that he +must reform his ritual, in some particulars. The Bishop is especially +incensed at the censer; and waxes censorious about the wax lights. He +insists that Father MACKONOCHIE must use Stearine or Spermaceti. +Moreover, when water is mixed with wine, it must not come from the East +River; and the wine must be red. Blue wine will do if he can find any. + +Church parties are much excited about Mr. MIALL'S Church-liberation +scheme. But why so? Will not any Rev. who has a living, say, "Who takes +my living takes away _my all!_" A bad pun; but a good argument. They +should not _miaul_ about it, at any rate. + + +FRANCE. + +PIERRE BONAPARTE has gone to be king of the Feejee Islands. It has been +stipulated that he shall not shoot more than one man in a month; and +part of the tenderloin is to be given always to his Majesty's Prime +Minister. + +M. GUERRONIER'S remark in the Senate, April 19th, requires explanation. +He said that "Europe can be tranquil only when France is satisfied." He +was alluding to the necessity of an early supply of copies of +PUNCHINELLO; without which that excitable population can not be kept in +a satisfactory state. I have made arrangements to have them forwarded +accordingly. + + +GERMANY. + +POTOCKIS, new Minister of Public Instruction, has offered his +resignation. The reason is that a deputation of the professors and +teachers called on him to say that it would take their pupils a year to +learn how to spell his name. It is TSCHABUSHNIGG. PRIME. + + * * * * * + +POOR CAPTAIN EYRE. + +It is really outrageous to find fault with poor Captain EYRE. If ever a +man had a full and perfect defence to the accusations which are made +against him, EYRE is that man. Not content with offering one excuse, he +offers a large and varied assortment of excuses, any one of which ought +to be quite satisfactory. For example he asserts: + +That instead of running into the Oneida, the Oneida ran into him. + +That his ship struck the Oneida so lightly that he never knew there had +been any collision. + +That he saw the Oneida just after he had run into her, and that she did +not appear to have lost any thing but her skylights. + +That he stopped his engines and blew his whistle, in order to show that +he was ready to offer any needed assistance to the Oneida. + +That the reason why he did not stop his engines and offer assistance, +was that the collision had so injured his own ship that he thought best +to make at once for the nearest port. + +That he never dreamed that any assistance was wanted, and therefore did +not offer it. + +That he would have gone to the assistance of the Oneida had not one of +his lady passengers been so frightened by the collision that she begged +him to make all possible speed to land her. + +That not a single one of his passengers knew there had been a collision, +so light was the shock of the contact. + +That it was only a Yankee ship, any how, and that it is all "blarsted" +nonsense to make a fuss about it. + +Captain EYRE has returned to England, and asks, on the above grounds, +that he be reinstated in command of his ship. It would be absurd to +refuse so just a request. His defence could not well be more full unless +he were to strengthen it with an alibi. If Mr. SOLOMON PELL still +pursues the practice of the law, Captain EYRE should at once employ that +eminent barrister to prove an alibi for him. His justification would +then be too conclusive to admit of question. + + * * * * * + +CRITICISM OF THE PERIOD. + +[AFTER THE MANNER OF THE "NATION."] + +Milton's Paradise Lost.--The demand for a new edition of this cumbrous +piece of blank verse, proves what we have often said, that the want, in +CROMWELLS time, of a literary journal of the character of the Nation has +had a permanent effect upon literature. Had we been in existence when +that obstinate and pedantic old Puritan wrote, we might have suppressed +him. Still, there is no knowing what women and children will not read. +While MILTON'S lines certainly measure generally about the same length, +it is preposterous to call by the name of poetry what could be written +in prose with so little modification. It is true that the same objection +might be applied to HOMER and SHAKSPEARE. The former has the advantage +of being written in Greek, so that very few people can read it. +SHAKSPEARE has a popularity that is partly accounted for by the low +taste of the people who have gone to the theatre to hear SIDDONS rave +and GARRICK declaim, or who will persist in admiring MACREADY and BOOTH. + +As to MILTON, we have detected, with the aid of foot-notes to an old +edition, a multitude of the most absolute plagiarisms from various +authors. From the Bible mainly, and also from the Greek and Latin poets, +he has taken nearly all his ideas; and every one of the words he uses +are to be found in the dictionary. Talk of originality, after that! His +conceptions also are sometimes absurd; for instance, the Address to +Light. No one, who has not been stultified by theological nebulosities, +ought to fail to know, as we knew when we first began to go to school, +that a blind man cannot see anything at all. Therefore it is an insult +to the understanding, and paltering with all the rational inductions of +modern science, for an educated writer, stone blind, to say a word about +light. + +In fact, the whole plot of the poem flies in the face of the cultivation +of the Nineteenth Century. Such ideas as Paradise, Adam and Eve, and +angels, are getting obsolete. While it is not to be expected that +ordinary persons should have the intelligence or learning of the Editor +and contributors of the Nation, we yet wonder that they are not always +ready to abide by the instruction we are prepared to give them, at the +small price of five dollars a year. Subscriptions received at this +office. + + * * * * * + +INTERIOR ILLUMINATION. + +It gives us joy to state that the celebrated Dr. MILIO (of whom we have +never heard before) has invented a means of illuminating men's +interiors. The doctor lives in Russia; and he takes you and throws +inside of you "a concentrated beam of electric light;" and then he sees +exactly what particular pill you want, and he gives it to you, and you +go away (after paying him) exultant! This quite does away with the +necessity of a bow-window in the bosom, so much desired by a certain +ancient philosopher. + +Mr. PUNCHINELLO begs leave most respectfully to announce that he has +determined to import, at any expense whatever, one of Dr. MILIO'S +Concentrated Electric Beamers. With this Dr. PUNCHINELLO does not intend +to engage in private practice. His purpose is to throw the light +directly into the Body Politic, whether the B.P. requests him to do it +or not. Dr. P. confidently expects to make some most extraordinary +discoveries of various diseases--of greed, foolish ambition, ossification +of the heart, moral leprosy, chronic stupidity, latent idiocy, and that +very common and often unsuspected complaint usually known as Humbug. +(Humbugna Communis.) His fee in no case will exceed ten cents per week; +and patients WILL BE illuminated by the year. + + * * * * * + +THE DREADFUL STATE OF THINGS OUT WEST. + +A dispatch received at this office from the office of the Chicago +Tribune states that the utmost public distress is prevailing in St. +Louis. A frightful pestilence is raging, complete anarchy prevails, most +of the merchants have gone into insolvency, and ruin stares St. Louis in +the face in the most aggravating way. + +A dispatch from the St. Louis Democrat states that the utmost public +distress is prevailing in Chicago. A frightful pestilence is raging, +complete anarchy prevails, most of the merchants have gone into +insolvency, etc., etc. + +A dispatch, from the _Cincinnati Gazette_ states that the utmost public +distress is prevailing in both, St. Louis and Chicago. A frightful +pestilence is raging, complete anarchy prevails, most of the merchants +have gone into insolvency, etc., etc., etc. + +The most painful part of the matter, in Mr. PUNCHINELLO'S benevolent +eyes, is that each city appears to be perfectly delighted with the +misfortunes and miseries of both the others. Instead of getting up +subscriptions for each other, they chuckle and crow in a perfectly +fiendish manner. Until they can behave better, we shall postpone the +subscription which we propose to open in their behalf. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PERSONAL GOSSIP. +(From the Daily Press.) +"THE WINNER OF A $25,000 PRIZE IN THE HAVANA LOTTERY +IS A BOOT-BLACK OF BROOKLYN."] + + * * * * * + +A Capital Letter. + + The property-holder who Lets his + houses at reduced rents. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A TOUCHING INCIDENT IN CONGRESS. + +THE RECONCILIATION BETWEEN GENERAL BUTLER AND GENERAL SCHENCK, ON THE +SUBJECT OF THE TARIFF BILL.] + + * * * * * + +COLONEL FISK'S SOLILOQUY. + +THE NINTH TEMPTATION. + + Would I were young enough, to go to school, + Or could but pitch upon some golden rule + For knowing what I am, and what to do, + When to the public gaze I am on view. + I'm Colonel, Admiral, and President, + A theatre manager, and resident + Director of the Opera House, and mine + Are Erie and the Boston steamboat line. + Of merchant, banker, broker, every shade + Am I; in fact, a Jack of every trade. + More varied than the hues of the Chameleon; + Far heavier than Ossa piled on Pelion + Are all my duties! Really it's confusing, + At times, to a degree that's quite amusing. + When am I this, when that, when which, when what? + And am I always FISK, or am I not? + Thus, constantly I get into a fix, + And one thing with another sadly mix; + Many a time absurd mistakes I've made + In giving orders. When I'm on Parade, + And ought to say, "Fours Right," by Jove! I'm certain + To holloa out, "Come, hurry up that curtain!" + Going to Providence the other night, + I ordered all the hands, "Dress to the Right!" + I saw my error, and called out again, + "Hold on! I meant to say, The Ladies' Chain." + At Matinee the other afternoon, + When all the violins seemed well in tune, + I sang out to the Bell Boy, "What's the hitch? + If the Express is due, you'd better switch!" + My order seemed the boy to overwhelm-- + "Lubber!" I cried, "why don't you port your helm?" + I made a speech the other night at mess, + And what my toast was, nobody will guess; + It should have been, "The Union"--'twas, "Be cheery, + Boys! the toast we have to drink is--Erie." + The boys laughed loudly, being the right, sort, + And said, "Why, Admiral! you're hard a _port_." + One time, when GOULD and I were on the cars, + I thought th' officials of the train were tars; + Told them to "Coil that rope and clean the scuppers, + And then go down below and get your suppers." + This must be changed, or my good name will suffer, + And folks will say, JIM FISK is but a duffer. + To feel myself a fool and lose my head, + Too, takes the gilding off the gingerbread; + And makes me ask myself the reason why + On earth I have so many fish to fry? + The fact is, what I touch must have a risk + Of failure, or it wouldn't suit JIM FISK, + I'll conquer this, too--keep a secretary + To help me out when I'm in a quandary. + I will not budge! My banner is unfurled, + Proclaiming FISK the Problem of the world. + + * * * * * + +Query for Lawyers. + +If a man throws a huge stone at his wife's head, would he escape +punishment on the plea that he only meant to Rock her to sleep? + + * * * * * + +A Spring Blossom. + +Blossom Rock, in San Francisco Harbor, has just been blown up +with gunpowder. Of course Blossom Rock went "up as a Flower". + + * * * * * + +Justice in the New Territory. + +Whatever lack of law there may be in Alaska, PUNCHINELLO is +quite sure that there is Just-ice enough in that domain to satisfy all +demands. + + * * * * * + +A Rumor. + +It is rumored that the Fenian Organization have offered Mr. FECHTER +the position of Head Centre, in recognition of the merciless manner +in which he mangles the Queen's English. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE FINANCIAL INQUISITION. + +_Grand Inquisitor,_ U. S. GRANT. +_Associate Inquisitors,_ G. S. BOUTWELL, F.E. SPINNER, +JOHN SHERMAN. _Executioner,_ C. DELANO. + +ASSOCIATE SHERMAN. "WELL, UNCLE SAM DOES STAND A GOOD DEAL +OF PRESSURE. EXECUTIONER, KEEP PILING THE WEIGHTS ON."] + + * * * * * + +NOW WE SHALL HAVE IT. + +It has always been one of the sorrows of our life that we were prevented +(by business) from being present at the building of the Tower of Babel. +To say nothing of the great knowledge which we should have acquired of +the ancient languages, it would have been jolly to have marked the +foreman of the works swearing at the laborers in Syriac, while they +answered him in Hebrew, Chaldee, and the Chinese tongue. However, as a +next best thing, we shall attend the meeting of the American Woman +Suffrage Association, which will be held in Washington during the next +session of Congress. We have as much regard as any body for the drums of +our ears; but for the sake of a new sensation, we shall be willing to +risk them. We can imagine at this moment, the astounding effect of the +Grand Double Palaver! All the Senators and Representatives are either +barking, or bawling, or screaming, or shouting, or yelling in the +Capitol, while, to complete the elocutionary duet, all the American +women are simultaneously indulging the unruly and unbridled member. What +the precise effect will be we don't profess to say; but we confidently +predict some valuable discovery in the science of acoustics. + + * * * * * + +FORTY-FOUR TO FOURTEEN. + +[IN WHICH THE YOUNG MEN OF THE PERIOD ARE TAKEN IN HAND.] + +Forty-four is going to talk (with a pen) to Fourteen. I am a female; and +forty-four, as just hinted, is my age. Fourteen is also a female--just +the age I was once. How I recollect that day! I was full of romance and +hope; now I've no romance, little hope, and some wrinkles. It is a fine +thing to be fourteen. I should like to go back there, and make a long +visit. But that can't be. How much I wish it could! If only there were +life-renewers as well as hair-renewers! They called me pretty at +fourteen--said I had pretty ways, (one of them was one hundred and +thirty-five avoirdupois,) and would certainly be a belle. But I proved +too much for that. One hundred and seventy-five cut off all hope. I +sighed, ate nothing, studied poetry, did a good deal of melancholy by +moonlight and otherwise, but nothing came of it. I made myself as +agreeable as possible; but it was the old story--I was too much for +'em--I mean the young men of the period. I dressed and gave parties. I +took lessons in singing of Sig. Folderol, and in dancing of Mons. +Pigeonwing, and could sing cavatinas and galop galops with the best of +them. Ma said I was an angel, and Pa declared I was perfect. But none of +the young men said so. My dear Fourteen, it may be just so with you. +Your ma and pa may say you are angelic and perfect; but where's the use +of it, if nobody else can be made to see it? I tried my best to catch +the young men in my net. But, provoking things, they wouldn't be caught. +Between ourselves--mind, don't blab it out--young men are the greatest +noodles that were ever put upon the face of the earth. I never yet saw +one that could be depended upon to stand by. I am sure, as you know, no +one ever stood by me--when there was a parson at hand. At fourteen I +didn't much care where they stood, if it wasn't on my corns. Twenty +years later I shouldn't have been so particular. But I don't much mind +now, bless you! _You_ wont at forty-four. There's nothing to these young +men. All talk, pretence, audacity, and paper collar, I assure you. I've +studied all of them. They are the same now as then. Human nature, you +know, my dear Fourteen, is the same yesterday, to-day, and week after +next. I used to think it wasn't; now I know it is. These young +men--monsters that they are--will pour the nectar of compliments over +your face, and the acid and canker of abuse down your back; and all in +the same breath, if they get a chance. Pray have an eye and an ear out +for them. If you go to Long Branch, or Newport, or Saratoga, or the +White Mountains this summer, just look out for them. They are dreadful +creatures at home in the cities, but doubly dreadful at these resorts. +You are young, simple, unsophisticated. I was at your age. But I soon +got over such weaknesses. You must very soon, or be a ninny. "Simple," +"artless," "unsophisticated," and such terms mean simply softness. +Whatever else you are, or are not, don't be soft. The mistake of my +fruitless life has been that I believed, in other years, all that was +told me by the other sex. They said to my face that I was a beauty; at +Mr. Jones's, they said I was a fright. They said I sang like a Patti; at +Brown's, I screeched like an owl. They said I danced like Terpsichore; +at Smith's, they declared I wabbled round like any other lame duck. They +said my taste in dress was the pink of perfection; at the Duzenbury's, I +was scandalously deficient in every thing of the sort. It's a way the +young men of that day had with all the girls; and they go the same vile +way now. Pray don't have any thing to do with them. I don't, and I +wouldn't for the world. Folks say I'm prejudiced against em; but it +isn't so--I hate 'em. It is healthy to hate what is hateful. It is +healthy to hate a bundle of broadcloth, kerseymere, buttons, and brass, +and it's my delight by day and dream by night. I'm forty-four--you're +fourteen. I've seen the world--you haven't. You look through rosy +glasses; I through the clear, naked eye. My advice to you on the young +men question is this: Discount nine words in every ten spoken to you as +absolute trash--the gush of mere evaporative sentiment. If you are +called pretty, graceful, accomplished, neat in dress, comely in person, +that your eyes sparkle like diamonds, and your lips are poetic, with +whole volumes of such, just make up your mind that there are plenty of +fools around trying to make a sillier one than themselves. It may seem +very fine for the moment, but it will realize something very different +afterward. Suppose you are _not_ caught up? All the better. I'm +forty-four, independent, free, a slave to no man nor monkey. Better +live, to write your own tale than be the abject one to another. Better +be forty-four and yourself, than a cipher belonging to some body else. +Far better beware of the young men than be worn by them. At least so +thinks and says + +FORTY-FOUR. + + * * * * * + +A NEW RAILWAY PROJECT. + +While every one agrees that a railway running through the city of +New-York, and transporting passengers with rapidity from one end of the +island to the other, is an absolute necessity, no one has yet hit upon a +plan which satisfies the public. The Society for the Prevention of +Cruelty to Animals objects to the Elevated Road, on the ground (though +it is in the air) that the cars will continually run off the track, and, +falling on the horses and dogs in the street below, crush them to a +fatal jelly. The Arcade plan is objectionable to the shop-keepers, +inasmuch as it will change the great thoroughfare into a street +consisting exclusively of cellars, thereby driving the buyers elsewhere. +Conservative people, who like old things, naturally dislike the +Pneumatic Railway, and vehemently assert that "they'll be blowed if they +travel over it," which will undoubtedly prove to be true. Evidently a +new plan must be devised if every body is to be satisfied. That plan +PUNCHINELLO rather flatters himself that he has invented. + +It does not seem to have yet occurred to any one that we are not +necessarily shut up to the single plan of fitting a railway to the city. +Why can we not fit the city to the railway? Every body remembers that +when the Mountain wouldn't come to MOHAMED, that eminent preacher went +to the mountain. Here we have a precedent worth following, To build any +sort of railway in New-York will take time and money. Why, then, should +we do it when there are plenty of nice railways already built in every +part of the country? There is a very nice railway completed and in +running order from Pokertown, in Montana territory, to Euchrebend, just +across the line in Idaho. All we have to do is to box up our buildings, +together with the Central Park, the sewers, the docks, and the Tammany +Hall General Committee, and express them through to Pokertown. The city +can then be set up on each side of the Pokertown and Euchrebend Railway, +and then we shall have the desired state of things--a railway running +through the heart of our city. This plan is both novel and easy. At all +events it is easy of execution in comparison with the Arcade plan, and +it presents no features to which any one can reasonably object. Drawings +of the city as it will appear when this plan has been carried out are +now in process of publication, and will soon be for sale at this office. +(N. B.--Shares in the Pokertown and Euchrebend Railway, and lost along +the route of that admirable road, also for sale on application to the +gentleman whose able pen presents this scheme to our readers.) + + * * * * * + +"Curses Come Home," etc. + +The gay young men of New-York are said to be terribly addicted to the +use of _absinthe_. They pick up the vice in Paris, and hence arises the +singular paradox that, even after they return home, they still continue +to be Absinthees. + + * * * * * + +A Logical Sequence. + +Paper made from wood cannot be claimed as a modern invention, for Log +books, as every body knows, have been used by mariners since ever so +long ago. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: MODERN MATRIMONY. + +_Young Wife._ "YES, DEAR, MY HUSBAND IS ALL I COULD WISH HIM TO BE." + +_Husband (who is making bread in the back room)._ "I WISH I COULD SAY AS +MUCH FOR HER."] + + * * * * * + +ABOUT A BLOCK. + +A "COUNTRYMAN" writes to us, asking whether the extension of "Murderer's +Block" is among the current city improvements, He says that, on recently +visiting this city, he had great difficulty in determining the exact +locality of the sanctuary in question. Some said it was in the Eighth +Ward; others located it in the Seventeenth. A policeman in East Houston +street, in reply to the query, "Which is Murderer's Block?" waved his +hand with a gesture indicative of unlimited space, and said, "You are on +it." Not pleased with the impeaching tone of this reply, our informant +made his way to another ward, where he put the same question to the +first policeman who came along. Without giving him a direct reply, the +officer winked, shifted his quid of tobacco so as to display his Check +to full advantage, and pointed with his thumb over his shoulder at +indefinite city "slums" behind him. Let the "Countryman" understand +that, as things are at present, he may stand almost any where in the +city and be within a marble-shot of "Murderer's Block." Perhaps +Superintendent JOURDAN is quite aware of this. + + * * * * * + +Neptunian. + +Is it correct to speak of the waters of +the Black Sea as the colored element? + + * * * * * + +SONG OF THE RETURNED SOLDIER. + +[WITH REMARKS BY PUNCHINELLO.] + + I'll hang my harp on the willow-tree, + +_(And that's a very sensible thing for him to do. A hand-organ is what +he wants now.)_ + + And I'll off to the wars again; + +_(Not much. A fellow with only one leg, and perhaps but half the +regulation number of arms, is not wanted in the ranks.)_ + + My peaceful home has no charms for me, + +_(Of course not. He gave up his home and business to go to the wars, and +he can't expect to have all these things when he comes back again, you +know.)_ + + The battle-field no pain. + +_(A great many other fellows besides him found the battle-field no +payin' place.)_ + + The country I love stands up in her pride, + +_(That's so. He's right this time.)_ + + With a diadem on her brow; + +_(Referring probably to what SUMNER calls the "dire Democracy.")_ + + Oh! why did she flatter my boyish pride? + +_(Because she wanted men; that's all.)_ + + She is going to leave me now! + +_(By no means. He can play his organ on the corner as long as he wants +to.)_ + + She took me away from my child and wife, + +_(That was all right enough. He couldn't take his wife and child into +camp.)_ + + And gave me a shoddy suit; + +_(Entirely the fault of the contractors.)_ + + I quite forgot my good old life, + +_(That was perfectly proper. People in camp have to forget that sort of +thing.)_ + + While they taught me to march and shoot. + +_(Good lessons; worth learning.)_ + + She seemed to think me above the men + +_(Made him corporal, most probably.)_ + + Who staid at their homes, you see; + +_(And if he fought on principle he was above most of them.)_ + + Oh, had I jumped the bounty then, + +_(Horrible idea!)_ + + It would have been better for me. + +_(That's not so certain. To be sure, in that case he might have got a +good office in some of the Departments, or been made a Consul, but why +should he complain? He has a first-rate organ, and nobody hinders him +from sitting on the corner and grinding it the livelong day, if it +pleases him. And then there's the honor! His country may not think about +it, nor the people who give him pennies, but if he feels it himself, +what more need he want? How ridiculous it is for some persons to +insinuate that a rich and powerful people, who can grant hundreds of +thousands of dollars to railroad companies, and North Pole expeditions, +ought to be ashamed to see their disabled soldiers begging on the +corners! Absurd beyond comparison!)_ + + * * * * * + +NO GHOST AFTER ALL. + +MR. PUNCHINELLO, having been often scared out of his senses (which are +usually very good and trustworthy senses,) by double tattoos on his +library table, and also by the eccentric movements of the table itself, +is happy to announce that, after all, there is nothing in it. There is a +Dr. HAMMOND who has sent all necessary explanations to the _North +American Review_. We do not understand them at all, but they are highly +soothing and satisfactory. It seems that Mr. P. (in common with less +distinguished characters) has "a gray tissue." This does not refer to +his coat, but to something inside of him which renders him the nervous +creature that he is. Well, not to make too scientific a matter of it, it +appears that our "gray tissue" operates upon our "spinal cord," and +raises the old boy (if we may be allowed the expression) with our +brains; and this, in some way, but really we do not exactly see how, +produces the raps, and leads us to suppose that we are hearing (dear old +lady!) from our grandmother. It is astonishing how simple these +mysterious matters appear after a scientific explanation. + + * * * * * + +THE DOG-BREAKER'S DIFFICULTY. + +[Illustration: THE DOG'S HEAD IS VERY GOOD FOR A POINTER, BUT THE +CONFOUNDED TAIL _will_ CURL. + +A PLAN IS DEVISED FOR STRAIGHTENING IT. + +RESULT.] + + * * * * * + +Philological Query. + +Is the following sentence, which Mr. PUNCHINELLO finds in that +respectable paper, the _Boston Advertiser_, to be considered as English +or Latin? + +"The constitutio de fide has been adopted by the Ecumenical Council, +nemine contradicente." + + * * * * * + +Absurd to Ask It. + +The Belgians propose to drop the letter "h" from the French language. In +France itself the proposition is received wrathfully, and it is no +wonder, when we remember that Perfidious Albion has been the great +dropper of "h" from time immemorial. + + * * * * * + +A Place Appropriately Named. + +SIGH-BERIA + + * * * * * + +FISCALITIES. + +Let no one read this title--rascalities. Fiscalities are very different +things. (_That is to say, out of Wall street_.) PUNCHINELLO always had a +strong liking for fiscal subjects, and even now he would be glad to +write a fiscal history of the United States, provided he was furnished +with specimens of all the various coins, bank-notes, greenbacks, bonds, +and such mediums of exchange that have been in circulation from colonial +times until now. (_That is to say, he'd like very much to have the coins +and things, but if any one takes up this offer, and wants to keep his +coins, a money-order for a corresponding amount, or ordinary bills, in a +registered letter, will be entirely satisfactory_.) But as he can not +write a book this week, he desires to draw the attention of his readers +to the fact that fiscal expansion ought to be the great end of man. +(_That is to say, it often is, but in a different way from what +_PUNCHINELLO _means_.) For instance, look at Colonel FISK, of the +glorious Ninth! Had not his vigorous intellect been closely applied to +the great questions of fiscal economy, is it likely that the steady +expansion of his corporeal being would have given such a weight to his +wisely-planned movements? (_That is to say, if he hadn't got rich he +wouldn't have got so fat, and then buildings would not tremble when he +drills_.) A man who is perfectly proportioned in a fiscal point of view, +can call himself a monarch of the world. The elements will own they are +his servants, and the seasons will mould themselves to suit his will. +(_That is to say, he can have one hundred and fifty fine young women to +dance the Devil's Torchlight Cotillion in his own theatre, and he can sit +there, if he wants to, all alone and look at them just as long as he +pleases; and not one of them dare stop till he's ready_.) Space bows +before such a man, and shrivels itself up into a mere nothing. Land and +water are alike to such a one. It matters not to him whether the waves +roll beneath his possessions, or the solid ground upholds them. + +ST. CECILIA sits at the feet of this great exponent of fiscal expansion, +and TUBAL CAIN dwells serenely in his court-yards. (_That is to say, +just wait until you hear his new brass band!_) Now, who would not be as +this financial monarch? Who would not say: "I, too, can do these +things?" (_That is to say, which of us would not gladly take every cent +the good FISK possesses, and let him beg his bread from door to door, if +we only got a decent chance?_) If it were not for such shining examples +of the power of wealth and the glories that it is capable of placing +before our eyes, the souls of ordinary men would much less frequently be +moved to extraordinary effort in the line of pecuniary progress. (_That +is to say, if old_ FISK _did not change the ballet in his Twelve +Temptations so often, and did not keep on getting new dancers, and +dressing them all up different every week or two, we would not have to +raise a dollar and half so frequently to go and see the confounded +thing_.) But it is of no use to try and calculate the vast advantage of +Fiscal expansion. Even with a WEBB'S Adder, PUNCHINELLO could not do the +sum, and it's pretty certain that it would make WEBB Sadder, if he tried +it. Among other things, a man of fiscal solidity is never unprepared for +emergencies, and, if necessary, he can resort to extremities of which +ordinary people would never dream. (_That is to say, have you seen_ +FISK'S _last legs?_) Therefore, it becomes us all to endeavor to have a +share in the prosperity of which we see such a shining example, (_that +is to say_, PUNCHINELLO _does not mean for us all to go buy stock in +Erie_,) and mayhap, even the humblest of us may, in time, be able to +whistle "Shoo Fly" in marble halls. (_That is to say, even a poor ostler +may get along very well if he attentively and industriously waters his +stock_.) + + * * * * * + +Interesting to Mr. Bergh. + +"Dog's-Ear" shirt-collars (the ones that stick up and are doubled down +at the points,) are coming into fashion. + +Says young SOLOMONS, the other day, "I want something new in collars; I +shall cut my Dog's-ears." And he went and did it; which is decidedly +interesting to Mr. BERGH. + + * * * * * + +An Interesting Patient. + +New-Haven enjoys an elephant that has corns, and is about to be operated +on by a chiropodist. There is a largeness, approaching to sublimity, in +the idea of an elephant with corns, though it naturally suggests the +query, "What Boots it?" + + * * * * * + +A Dogged Problem. + +If Sir WALTER SCOTT'S dog was worth--say--ten "pounds," what was his +Kenilworth? + + * * * * * + +CONDENSED CONGRESS. + +SENATE. + +The gentle CHANDLER is occasionally goaded to rage and rhetoric by +perfidious Albion. The other day he had one of these deliriums. In the +language of the bard. + + He shook his fists and he tore his hair + Till they really felt afraid; + For they couldn't help thinking + the man had been drinking. + +He wanted to annex the Winnipeg district. It was true that the Winnipeg +district was an unmitigated nuisance to England; and probably it would +prove an unmitigated nuisance to us if we annexed it. But it would make +Great Britain mad. The dearest object of his life was to madden Great +Britain. What was Great Britain? What business had she on this +continent? None but the right of conquest. It occurred to him that that +was all we had ourselves; but that made no difference. His motto was, +Great Britain _est_ Carthago, or _delenda_ must be destroyed, or +something of that sort--he forgot exactly what. He knew we could whip +Great Britain, and he wanted to fight her. That is, he wanted some body +else to fight her. It would be the proudest moment of his life to serve, +exclusively as a sutler, in the grand American army which should go +forth to smash Great Britain. Queen VICTORIA was only a woman. Therefore +he would fight her single-handed. Let her come on. Let her son, who was +a snob, come on. Let Mr. THORNTON come on. Let every body come on. He +defied every body. He expectorated upon every body. (Mr. CHANDLER by +this time became so earnest that seven Senators were constrained to wait +upon him, but it produced no sedative effect.) Mr. CHANDLER kept on in +this manner until he had challenged the population of the planet to +single combat, and then subsided, and ordered five hundred copies of the +morrow's _Globe_ to send to various potentates and constituents. + +Mr. DRAKE said of course no body minded CHANDLER. But there were some +glimmerings of sense in CHANDLER, and he thought the Winnipeg war would +be a good thing. Perhaps CHANDLER might be induced to go out there, +which would make it pleasant for the Senate. Mr. SUMNER said he was +disgusted, not with CHANDLER'S principles, which were excellent, but +with his quotation, which was incorrect. He considered correct quotation +far more important than correct principles. Every school-boy knew that +_delenda est Carthago_ was what Mr. CHANDLER attempted to cite. To be +sure Mr. CHANDLER was not every school-boy. (Cheers for every +School-boy.) Mr. SUMNER took advantage of this occasion to relate +several incidents of the life of HANNIBAL, and closed with a protest +against the accursed spirit of caste. In support of this view he sent to +the clerk's desk, and had read a few chapters from KANT'S Critique of +Pure Reason. + +HOUSE. + +Schenck scatters members to flight whenever he introduces his tariff +bill. This disgusts SCHENCK, and he has been trying to bring back the +erring Representatives by the use of the Sergeant-at-Arms and fines. The +House has lately amused itself by listening to excuses. + +Mr. BUTLER'S name was called. Mr. BUTLER was not there. Mr. SCHENCK +proposed to fine him. + +Mr. COX objected. Why, he said, should the sweet boon of BUTLER'S +absence rouse the anger of SCHENCK. He would suggest an amendment that +BUTLER be fined when present and blessed when away. The less they had of +BUTLER the better. + +Mr. AMES was making money, and therefore he could not come. + +Mr. DAVIS was prosecuting MCFARLAND, which he considered better fun than +discussing the tariff. + +Mr. FITCH had gone to take a bath. Mr. LOGAN said that was ridiculous. +He himself had never found it necessary to absent himself on such a +ground. No representative of the people ought to take a bath. + +He was sorry to see this tendency to aristocracy on the part of members. +West Point and the bath-tub were undermining our institutions. + +Mr. POLAND said that he had been to call on a clergyman. Mr. LOGAN said +that was worse if possible than the bath. He much preferred immersion to +sprinkling. + +Mr. SWEENEY (who is Mr. SWEENEY?) had been superintending the birth of +an infant SWEENEY. Mr. KELLEY said a man who would basely look after his +young when the fate of pig-iron was trembling in the balance, was +unworthy to represent American freemen. What was the interesting +situation of any individual, male or female, compared to the interesting +situation of "fish-plates." The same fiendish spirit that animated the +Confederate armies was still alive. But it now found expression in vile +and insidious attacks upon the "scrap-iron" which was the pride of every +true American heart. He did not hesitate to say that the man who would +vote against an increase of 7000 per cent, _ad valorem_, upon railway +iron would, if his cowardly soul would let him, have aimed the pistol of +the assassin at the late Mr. LINCOLN. + +Mr. LOGAN said there was no occasion for Mr. KELLEY to say any thing +about any man from Illinois. He, LOGAN, could take care of that State +without KELLEY'S assistance. He had observed with grief and shame that +KELLEY had made several more speeches this session than he (LOGAN) had. +He did not intend to suffer this in future. + +Mr. KELLEY said he voted for his constituents, who were ironmongers; but +ho spoke, in an iron-ical way, for the whole country. He meant to speak +early and speak often. + +Mr. SCHENCK upheld the income-tax. He said it bore very lightly on +Congressmen, for none but honest men were compelled to pay it. + + * * * * * + +OUR LITERARY LEGATE. + +Minister MOTLEY is a gentleman, a scholar, and, though last not least, +as genial a diner and winer as ever put American legs under a British +peer's mahogany. There was a time when he was for avenging British +outrage by whipping John Bull out of his boots, but now, clad in a +dress-coat of unexceptionable cut, he deprecates the idea of +international breaches. As a diplomatist he could scarcely show more +indifference to the Alabama claim, if the claim itself were All a Bam. +He roars for recompense more gently than a sucking dove. When he +presented our little bill a _grand coup_ was expected, but the +trans-atlantic turtle seems to have shut him up. Listening to +compliments on the "Dutch Republic" he forgets his own, and renders but +a Flemish account to his country. Not content with following the festive +footsteps of his illustrious predecessor, REVERDY, he has made new +tracks to every hospitable nobleman's door. The scented soft-soap of +adulation is his "particular vanity," and under its soothing influence +he seems to be washing his hands of his official responsibilities. In +point of fact, MOTLEY has deserted his colors, and, as a diplomat, is by +no means up to the American Standard. As it is clear he cannot maintain +the _prestige_ of the Star Spangled Banner abroad, we call upon the +Government to give him Hail Columbia, and order him home. + + * * * * * + +CONS BY A WRECKER. + + Where are women wrecked? Off the Silly Islands. + Where are men wrecked? Some off Port, some Half Seas over, + some off the Horn, or wherever they Chews. + Where are rogues wrecked? In the Dock. + Where are brokers wrecked? On the Breakers. + Where are children wrecked? Some in Babycome Bay, and some on the + Coral Islands. + Where are bad musicians wrecked? On the Sound. + Where are would-be sharpers wrecked? On the Mighty Deep. + + * * * * * + +BOOK NOTICES. + +IN SPAIN AND A VISIT TO PORTUGAL. By HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN. New-York: +HURD & HOUGHTON. + +A good summer book of nearly three hundred pages. As usual, ANDERSEN is +not abstruse in his way of putting things. His narrative is adapted +alike for the juvenile mind and for the adult. There is no periphrasis +in it. One understands his meaning at a glance; therefore the book +should be a very popular one when summer time sets in, and people look +for some quiet _delassement_ which will not compel them to think. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | BARGAINS IN CARPETS. | + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | ARE RECEIVING BY EACH AND EVERY STEAMER | + | | + | THE | + | | + | NEWEST AND LATEST DESIGNS IN | + | | + | MOQUETTES AND AXMINSTERS, | + | | + | ROYAL WILTONS, | + | | + | BODY BRUSSELS, | + | | + | Crossley's Velvets, | + | Tapestry Brussels, | + | etc., etc., | + | | + | AND THEY ARE ALSO | + | | + | MAKING LABRE ADDITIONS | + | | + | TO THEIR | + | | + | REGULAR STOCKS OF | + | | + | ENGLISH BODY BRUSSELS. | + | | + | ROYAL WILTONS, | + | $2 50 AND $3 PER YARD, | + | | + | AXMINSTERS, | + | $3 50 AND $4 PER YARD. | + | | + | TOGETHER WITH | + | | + | INGRAINS, THREE-PLY, COCOA, | + | | + | AND | + | | + | CANTON MATTINGS, | + | ENGLISH AND DOMESTIC | + | OIL-CLOTHS, etc., | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Ave., 9th and 10th Sts. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | ARE OFFERING | + | | + | IN | + | | + | ALL THE VARIOUS DEPARTMENTS | + | | + | OF THEIR | + | | + | RETAIL-ESTABLISHMENT | + | | + | UNUSUAL ATTRACTIONS | + | | + | IN | + | | + | PRICE, QUALITY, AND STYLES OF | + | | + | GOODS | + | | + | JUST RECEIVED | + | | + | per late steamers, as well as from the recent large | + | Auction-Sales, to which they respectfully request the | + | attention of their Customers and the Public. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | Fourth Avenue, Ninth and Tenth Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | HAVE OPENED | + | | + | A MAGNIFICENT ASSORTMENT OF | + | | + | Sash-Ribbons, Neck-Ribbons, Roman | + | Sashes, etc., etc., | + | | + | IN NEW STYLES AND COLORINGS. | + | | + | At Extremely Attractive Prices. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | Fourth Ave., Ninth and Tenth Sts. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | SPECIAL | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PREMIUMS. | + | | + | By special arrangement with | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., | + | | + | We offer the following Elegant Premiums for new Subscribers | + | to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO: | + | | + | "Awakening." (A Litter of Puppies.) Half Chromo, size, 8-3/8 | + | by 11-1/8, price $2.00, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO for one | + | year, for $4.00. | + | | + | "Wild Roses." Chromo, 12-1/8 by 9, price $3.00, or any other | + | $3.00 Chromo, and a copy of the paper for one year for | + | $5.00. | + | | + | "The Baby in Trouble." Chromo, 13 by 16-1/4, price $6.00 or | + | any other at $6.00, or any two Chromos at $3.00, and a copy | + | of the paper for one year, for $6.00. | + | | + | "Sunset,--California Scenery," after A. Bierstadt, 18-1/8 by | + | 12, price $10.00, or any other $10.00 Chromo, and a copy of | + | the paper for one year for $10.00. Or the four Chromos, and | + | four copies of the paper for one year in one order, for | + | clubs of FOUR, for $23.00. | + | | + | We will send to any one a printed list of L. PRANG & CO.'S | + | Chromos, from which a selection can be made, if the above is | + | not satisfactory, and are prepared to make special terms for | + | clubs to any amount, and to agents. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter in advance; | + | the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P. O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New-York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Now is the time to subscribe, as these Premiums will be | + | offered for a limited time only. On receipt of a | + | postage-stamp we will send a copy of No. 1 to any one | + | desiring to get up a club. | + | | + | Address | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New-York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: POLICE POLICY. + +_Policeman._ "THAT'S HIM: OVER THERE PICKING THE OLD GENTLEMAN'S +POCKET." + +_Green Youth._ "THEN WHY DON'T YOU ARREST HIM?" + +_Policeman._ "WELL, IT MIGHT MAKE HIM FEEL UGLY TOWARDS ME, I +LIKE A QUIET LIFE."] + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO.F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | | + | STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail, | + | | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers, | + | | + | COPPER-Plate Engravers and Printers, | + | | + | CARD Manufacturers, | + | | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., 73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE | + | ST., New-York. | + | | + | Advantages. All on the same premises, and under immediate | + | supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | _Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M._ | + | | + | Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten | + | Thousand Dollars, will be received. | + | | + | Six Per Cent Interest, Free of | + | Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | Commences on the first of every month | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President_. | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_. | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, | + | EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS are celebrated for their close resemblance | + | to Oil Paintings. Sold in all Art and Bookstores throughout | + | the world. PRANG'S WEEKLY BULLITIN: "Pompeii," "Barefoot | + | Boy," "Wild Fruits," "Birthplace of Whittier," etc. | + | Illustrated Catalogues sent on receipt of stamp by | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +PUNCHINELLO: + +TERMS TO CLUBS. + +WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS + +FIRST: + +DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER, + +The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning +purposes. + +SECOND: + +BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES. + +These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful; +and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind +of crochet or fancy work upon them. + +THIRD: + +BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER. + +This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It knits +every thing. + +FOURTH: + +AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE. + +This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on +all former machines. No. 1, with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and +Cover, complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole +parts, etc., price, $60. + +WE WILL SEND THE + + Family Spinner, price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16. + No.1 Crochet, " 8, " 4 " " 16. + " 2 " " 15, " 6 " " 24. + " 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles, 30, " 12 " " 48. + " 2 " " 84 needles, 33, " 13 " " 52. + No.3 Automatic Knitter, 100 needles, 37, for 15 subscribers and $60. + " 4 " " 2 cylinders, 33, " 13 " " 52. + 1 72 needles 40. " 16 " " 64. + 1 100 needles + +No. 1 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + price, $75, for 30 subscribers and $120. + +No. 2 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + without buttonhole parts, etc., price, $60, for 25 subscribers and $100. + +Descriptive Circulars + +Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and +full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers. + +Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct +seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers +and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send +single names as they obtain them, deducting the commission. + +Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts +on New-York City; or if these can not be obtained, then by Registered +Letters, which any post-master will furnish. + +Charges on money sent by express must be prepaid, or the net amount only +will be credited. + +Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit, to prevent +error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and +State. + +The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, payable +quarterly in advance, at the place where it is received. Subscribers in +the British Provinces will remit twenty cants in addition to +subscription. + +All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to +P.O. Box 2783. + + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY + +No. 83 Nassau Street, + +NEW-YORK + + * * * * * + +S. W. GREEN. PRINTER, CORNER JACOB AND FRANKFORT STREETS. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 7 *** + +This file should be named 7p10710.txt or 7p10710.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 7p10711.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 7p10710a.txt + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our Web sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text +files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ +We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): + +eBooks Year Month + + 1 1971 July + 10 1991 January + 100 1994 January + 1000 1997 August + 1500 1998 October + 2000 1999 December + 2500 2000 December + 3000 2001 November + 4000 2001 October/November + 6000 2002 December* + 9000 2003 November* +10000 2004 January* + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, +Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, +Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, +Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, +Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South +Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West +Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. + +We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +Donations by check or money order may be sent to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information online at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the eBook (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only +when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by +Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be +used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be +they hardware or software or any other related product without +express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + diff --git a/old/7p10710.zip b/old/7p10710.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..53f16c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/7p10710.zip diff --git a/old/8p10710.txt b/old/8p10710.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6b98dc9 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8p10710.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2553 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, 1870, by Various + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9961] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on November 5, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 7 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | J. NICKINSON | + | | + | begs to announce to the friends of | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | residing in the country, that for their convenience, he has | + | made arrangements by which, on receipt of the price of | + | | + | ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED, | + | | + | the same will be forwarded, postage paid. | + | | + | Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our Publishing Houses | + | can have the same forwarded by inclosing two stamps. | + | | + | OFFICE OF | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | 83 Nassau Street. | + | | + | [P. O. Box 2783.] | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | TO NEWS-DEALERS. | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO'S MONTHLY. | + | | + | THE FIVE NUMBERS FOR APRIL, | + | | + | Bound in a Handsome Cover, | + | | + | Will be ready May 2d. Price, Fifty Cents. | + | | + | THE TRADE | + | | + | SUPPLIED BY THE | + | | + | AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, | + | | + | Who are now prepared to receive Orders. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HARRISON BRADFORD & CO.'S | + | | + | STEEL PENS. | + | | + | These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and cheaper | + |than any other Pen in the market. Special attention is called | + | to the following grades, as being better suited for business | + | purposes than any Pen manufactured. The | + | | + | "505," "22," and the "Anti-Corrosive," | + | | + | We recommend for bank and office use. | + | | + | D. APPLETON & CO., | + | | + | Sole Agents for United States. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + + + + +[Illustration: Vol. 1. No. 7.] + + + +PUNCHINELLO + + + +SATURDAY, MAY 14, 1870. + + +PUBLISHED BY THE + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, + +83 NASSAU STREET, NEW-YORK. + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | CONANT'S PATENT BINDERS for "Punchinello," to preserve the | + | paper for binding, will be sent, post-paid, on receipt of | + | One Dollar, by "Punchinello Publishing Company," 83 Nassau | + | Street, New-York City. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | See 15th page for Extra Premiums. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN | + | | + | "PUNCHINELLO" | + | | + | SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO | + | | + | J. NICKINSON, | + | | + | Room No. 4, | + | | + | 83 NASSAU STREET. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bazar Book of Decorum. | + | | + | BAZAR BOOK OF DECORUM. The Care of the Person, Manners, | + | Etiquette, and Ceremonials. 16mo, Toned Paper, Cloth, | + | Beveled Edges, $1.00. | + | | + | "The great value of this book to American readers will be | + | found In the fact that it is not merely a useful and | + | trustworthy guide in matters of fashionable etiquette, but | + | also in those make up the daily round of social and domestic | + | life. The subject is treated with a large liberality of view | + | that takes in many of the practical questions arising in | + | every grade of society, in regard to dress, food, exercise, | + | daily habits of the mind and body, etc. The book is divided | + | into three parts, and treats, 1st. of the Care of the | + | Person; 2d, of Manners; 3d, of Etiquette and Ceremonials. | + | Under each head Is given a large amount of information upon | + | points often unconsciously disregarded by Americans. The | + | author tells exactly what people want to know in respect to | + | giving breakfasts and dinners, giving and receiving calls, | + | evening parties, visits of ceremony, addressing notes, | + | letters, invitations, etc., and meets an acknowledged want | + | in a very practical as well as entertaining manner." | + | | + | | + | Published by Harper & Brothers. | + | | + | Sent by mail, Postage Prepaid, on receipt of $1.00. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Thomas J. Rayner & Co., | + | | + | 29 LIBERTY STREET, | + | | + | New-York. | + | | + | MANUFACTURERS OF THE | + | | + | _Finest Cigars made in the United States._ | + | | + | All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples sent to | + | any responsible house. Also importers of the | + | | + | _"FUSBOS" BRAND,_ | + | | + | Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and from | + | ten to twenty per cent cheaper. | + | | + | Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save money by | + | calling at | + | | + | 29 LIBERTY STREET. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Notice to Ladies. | + | | + | DIBBLEE, | + | | + | Of 854 Broadway, | + | | + | Has just received a large assortment of all the latest | + | styles of | + | | + | Chignons, Chatelaines, etc. | + | | + | FROM PARIS, | + | | + | Comprising the following beautiful varieties: | + | La Coquette, La Plenitude, Le Bouquet, | + | La Sirene, L'Imperatrice etc., | + | | + | At prices varying from $2 upward. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | WEVILL & HAMMAR, | + | | + | Wood Engravers, | + | | + | No. 208 BROADWAY, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HERCULES MUTUAL | + | | + | LIFE ASSURANCE SOCIETY | + | | + | OF THE UNITED STATES | + | | + | No. 240 Broadway, New-York. | + | | + | POLICIES NON-FORFEITABLE. | + | | + | All Policies | + | Entitled to Participation in Profits. | + | Dividends Declared Annually. | + | | + | JAMES D. REYMERT, President. | + | | + | ASHER S. MILLS, Secretary. | + | | + | THOMAS H. WHITE, M.D., Medical Examiner. | + | | + | | + | ACTIVE AGENTS WANTED. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PUNCHINELLO. | + | | + | With a large and varied experience in the management and | + | publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and | + | with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital | + | to Justify the undertaking, the | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO. | + | | + | OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK, | + | | + | Presents to the public tor approval, the | + | | + | NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL | + | | + | WEEKLY PAPER, | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO, | + | | + | The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and witty | + | without vulgarity, and satirical without malice. It will be | + | printed on a superior tinted paper of sixteen pages, size 13 | + | 9, and will be for sale by all respectable newsdealers who | + | have the judgment to know a good thing when they see it, or | + | by subscription from this office. | + | | + | ORIGINAL ARTICLES, | + | | + | Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive | + | ideas or sketches for Illustrations, upon the topics of the | + | day, are always acceptable, and will be paid for liberally. | + | | + | Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage | + | stamps are inclosed. | + | | + | | + | Terms: | + |One copy, per year, in advance..........................$4 00 | + | | + | Single copies, ten cents. | + | | + | A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten | + | cents. | + | | + | One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine | + | or paper, price, $2.50, for ........................... 5 50 | + | | + | One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for....7 00 | + | | + | All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | No. 83 Nassau Street, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | P.O. Box, 2783. | + | | + | _(For terms to Clubs, see 16th page.)_ | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Mercantile Library | + | | + | Clinton Hall, Astor Place, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | This is now the largest circulating Library in America, the | + | number of volumes on its shelves being 114,000. About 1000 | + | volumes are added each month; and very large purchases are | + | made of all new and popular works. | + | | + | Books are delivered at members' residences for five cents | + | each delivery. | + | | + | TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP: | + | | + | TO CLERKS, | + | | + | $1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues. | + | | + | TO OTHERS, $5 a year. | + | | + | SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR SIX MONTHS. | + | | + | BRANCH OFFICES | + | | + | AT | + | | + | NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK, | + | | + | AND AT | + | | + | Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | AMERICAN | + | | + | BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND | + | | + | SEWING-MACHINE CO., | + | | + | 572 and 574 Broadway, New-York. | + | | + | This great combination machine is the last and greatest | + | improvement on all former machines, making, in addition to | + | all the work done on best Lock-Stitch machines, beautiful | + | | + | BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES | + | | + | in all fabrics. | + | | + | Machine, with finely finished | + | | + | OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER | + | | + | complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole parts, | + | $60. This last is beyond all question the simplest, easiest | + | to manage and to keep in order, of any machine in the | + | market. Machines warranted, and full instruction given to | + | purchasers. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | HENRY SPEAR, | + | | + | STATIONER, PRINTER, | + | | + | AND | + | | + | BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER. | + | | + | ACCOUNT BOOKS MADE TO ORDER. | + | | + | PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. | + | | + | 82 Wall Street, | + | | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + + +THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. + +BATHOS and pathos are closely allied in sound as well as in sense. Mr. +FECHTER evidently regards them as completely identical; and in his +acting, as in his pronunciation, uniformly prefers the former to the +latter. He has recently exemplified this by his personation of CLAUDE +MELNOTTE, in that most tawdry specimen of the cotton-velvet drama, the +LADY OF LYONS. This melancholy event took place a few nights since at +the French Theatre, that mausoleum of the illegitimate French drama. +Miss CARLOTTA LECLERCQ, an actress who deserves the highest praise, and +who would receive it were it not that a doubt as to the proper +pronunciation of her name prevents the bashful critic from mentioning +her when flushed with the generous enthusiasm of beer, played PAULINE, +and a number of Uncertain People played the dickens with the rest of the +_dramatis personæ_. Every one knows the play, and no one cares to hear +how the Uncertain People mangled it. The audience naturally took no +interest in it until the third scene of the first act was reached, and +shouts of "Long live CLAUDE MELNOTTE" were heard from behind the scenes. +After which everybody remarked, "Now he's coming," and rubbed their +lorgnettes with looks of expectation and corners of pocket-handkerchiefs. + +_Enter_ CLAUDE. "Gif me choy, dear mutter, I've won the brize." + +_Mother_. "Humph! What's the wally of it, my boy?" + +CLAUDE. "Every thing. It is wealth--the 'ope of vame--the ambition to pe +worthier of PAULINE. Ah! I lofe her! I 'ave sent a boem to her. My +messenger ought efen now to be returned." + +_Enter_ GASPAR. "CLAUDE, your verses are returned! With kicks! I could +show the marks of them, were it proper to do so in the presence of a +mixed audience!" + +_Mother_. "Now you are cured, Claude." + +CLAUDE. "So! I do sgatter her image to the winds. I will peat her menial +ruffians. I will do a fariety of voolish actions. What 'ave we 'ere? A +ledder? (_Reads it_.) BEAUSEANT bromises I shall marry her! Oh! refenge +and lofe! I will marry her, and pully her afterwards." (_Curtain_.) + +_Young Lady, who reads Dickens_. "How sweet he is! So romantic! I do +love this sweet, lovely play so much." + +_Accompanying Young Man, who regards himself a critic on the ground that +he once knew a ticket-speculator_. "Yes. It is one of the best plays +out. It's so full of gags, you know." + +_Young Lady_. "Gags? What are they?" + +_Accompanying young man, who, etc._ "Gags is the professional name for +nice tabloze. Scenes where they stand round in good positions, you +know." + +_Enthusiastic Man, who has come in with a pass_. "Well! I've never +seen any acting like FECHTER'S before. It's magnificent." + +_Veteran Play-goer_. "I hope I'll never see anything like it again. +He reminds me of a bull with delirium tremens in a china shop." + +_Rest of the Audience_. "Only four more acts. Thank goodness we've +got through with one." + +_Act II. Enter Uncertain People. They recite in a timid and indistinct +tone the prescribed fustian. They are followed by_ CLAUDE, PAULINE, +_and others_. + +CLAUDE. "These are peautiful gartens. Who blanned them?" + +_Mdme._ DESCHAPPELLES. "A gardener named CLAUDE MELNOTTE. He wrote +verses to my daughter. Ha! ha! Also, he! he!" + +CLAUDE. "This GLAUDE must be a monsous imbudent berson." + +PAULINE. "Sweet Prince, tell me again of thy palace by the Lake of +Como." + +CLAUDE. "A balace lifting to eternal summer its marple walls, from out a +closuy power of goolest voliage, musigal with pirds. Dost like the +bigture?" + +_Enter Mdme._ DESCHAPPELLES. "Oh! Prince, you must fly. The minions of +the Directory are laying for you. Take my daughter; marry her, and go to +Como." (_He takes her and flies R.U.E. Curtain_.) + +_Young Lady, who reads Dickens (wiping away the tear of imbecility)_. +"How sweet! how sweet!" + +_Accompanying Young Man_. "Yes. It is so natural and touching. I have +never seen a finer actor behind the footlights." + +_Everybody else_. "Hey! What's that you say? Asleep? Of course I +wasn't." + +_Act III. Enter Uncertain Persons as before. They ultimately go out +again. Applause. Enter_ CLAUDE, _his_ MOTHER, _and_ PAULINE. + +_Mother_. "This young man is of poor but honest parents. Know you not +that you are wedded to my son, CLAUDE MELNOTTE?" + +PAULINE. "Your son? Hold, hold me, somebody!" + +CLAUDE. "Leave us, mutter. Have bity on us." (_The old lady leaves_.) + +CLAUDE. "Now, lady, 'ear me." + +PAULINE. "Hear thee? Her son! Do fiends usually indulge in the luxury of +parents? Speak!" + +CLAUDE. "Gurse me. Thy gurse would plast me less than thy forgifeness." +(_He rants in broken English with unintelligible rapidity for next +half-hour, until his mother puts an end to the universal misery by +carrying Pauline off to bed. Curtain_.) + +_Young Lady, who reads Dickens_. "Oh, how sweetly pretty!" + +_Accompanying Young Man_. "Yes. He is even a better actor than MCKEAN +BUCHANAN." + +_Voices from all Parts of the House. "Let's go home. I can't stand two +more acts of this sort of thing."_ + +One of these voices was the soft, silvery and modest voice of MATADOR, +who went out, and sitting upon a convenient hydrant, (not one of the +infamous cast-iron abortions with an unpleasant knob on the cover,) +contemplated the midnight stars, and seriously meditated upon Mr. +FECHTER. And in spite of a previous unhesitating belief in Mr. DICKENS' +critical judgment, and in spite of a desire to find in Mr. FECHTER the +greatest actor of the age, he could not perceive in what respect that +distinguished gentleman deserves his world-wide reputation. Is his +manner natural? Is his elocution even tolerably good? Is his +pronunciation of English words any thing but barely intelligible? To +these questions a mental echo answered with a melancholy negative. And +when the occupant of the meditative hydrant demanded to know what single +merit could be found in Mr. FECHTER'S acting, his only answer was a +suggestion from a prosaic policeman that he cease to put idiotic +questions to the unoffending lamp-post. + +There are those--and enough of them to fill any theatre--who sincerely +admire Mr. FECHTER; but it is impossible to resist the conviction that +their admiration is only a dutiful acquiescence in the judgment of Mr. +DICKENS. With the utmost desire to do no injustice to a genial +gentleman, who conscientiously strives to carry out his theories of what +acting should be, the undersigned is forced to confess that Mr. FECHTER +in an English play is a spectacle so hopelessly and earnestly absurd, as +to call for commiseration rather than for the laughter which it would +deserve were it professedly a burlesque entertainment. + +MATADOR. + + * * * * * + +EXCELSIOR. + +The _Gold Hill Daily News_, of Nevada, has found a big sapphire--a +regular _Koh-i-noor_ of gems. It says: + +"While at San Francisco, a few weeks ago, we had the pleasure of seeing +the SANGALLI ballet troupe at MAGUIRE'S Opera House, and the artistic, +glowing beauties of the Sapphire dance yet pleasurably linger in our +memory." + +The dance in question, which the Gold Hill editor describes as "a higher +order of the famous 'Can-can,'" is new to us. It makes us feel "blue" to +think that we have never seen the Sapphire dance. "Higher" than the +Can-can! Good gracious! if heels go higher in the Sapphire than in the +Can-can, may we not be pardoned for inquiring, "What next?" + + * * * * * + +Nought for Nought. + +Alas! that poor SYPHER should Cipher to gala +A seat he must evermore Sigh for in vain; +But why should we Sigh for poor SYPHER'S defeat, +When his friends couldn't Cipher him into his seat. + + * * * * * + +Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District +Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New-York. + + * * * * * + +THE FINE ARTS IN PHILADELPHIA. + +PHILADELPHIA, April 12. + +Dear PUNCHINELLO: A few days since I received a card of invitation for +admission to a private view of a very fine collection of pictures, by +European and American artists. I visited the galleries, accompanied by +an amateur friend who has a fine artistic education, having travelled +some six months on the Continent. Being engaged in the picture-auction +business, I am not altogether a tyro in art, and determined to send you +a few notes taken on the spot, the combined effort of amateur friend and +myself. The walk to the gallery, extending over a half-hour in time, was +taken up by my amateur friend aforesaid, with an endeavor to give me +some general ideas, more than initiative, with reference to art matters. +For instance, he said the public liked glitter and varnish in a picture, +but it does not follow on that account that the picture is good. He then +mentioned the "Mimminée-Pimminée" style, and the "Pre-Raffaelite" style, +and the Rarée shows of art, and I had the whole subject so jumbled up +that my artistic ideas became quite confused. He made a quotation, +giving me to understand that it was not original; it ran as follows: +"Indifferent pictures, like dull people, must be absolutely moral." I am +not sufficiently informed to quite comprehend this selection from +another man, but as we were at the time about entering the galleries, I +remained quietly ignorant. + +[Illustration] + +The first picture that attracted our admiration was a "Sheep scene," by +Lambdin. Every particular hair on the old ram is well made out. The +frame on the picture is beautifully embossed, with a rich velvet border +of sea-green mandarin pattern. + +The next picture worthy of notice is a "Street in Venice," by +Canal-etti--a singular specimen of this artist's first manner. The +figure at the crossing is rendered with great feeling. It is needless to +mention that the street is covered with water, which is beautifully +clear and transparent, showing the depth of mud and slime during the dry +season. The frame is ornamented with flowers in relief, and gilt in the +very best manner. + +[Illustration] + +"A Musical Party," by Bass-ano, is very highly finished, especially the +party, who have evidently been inhaling stimulants. This picture is +painted on a gold ground, and is considered a rare specimen of Italian +art. It was formerly in the Campo-Santo-di-Pisa collection. + +[Illustration] + +The frame is the blue-lotus pattern, very curiously gilt and chased. +This style of frame would sell without difficulty. + +The picture called the "Star of the East," by WEST, has a scolloped +frame in the Tuscan style, with extra fine enamelling. This is a very +singular picture. It must be admitted that this frame is finished with +great care. + +There is a frame made from a curious kind of wood, on a picture by +CONSTABLE, entitled the "Midnight Arrest." The picture is certainly a +matchless gem, very low in tone. The mosaic border to the frame is quite +unique in its design. + +Among the works by American artists, we notice some remarkably fine +productions. The picture by a lady amateur, entitled, "The Toilet of a +Girl of the Period," demonstrates the progress our artists are making in +_genre_ painting. The subject is rendered with great purity of feeling, +and the smelling-bottle in the foreground adds greatly to the spirit of +the composition. The frame is highly ornamented with scarce Japan gold, +elaborately chased in a superior manner. + +There is a picture by Miss T----n, called the "Blonde's Revenge," that +evinces talent of a superior order. This picture has been noticed by +various New-York and Western journals, but I do not consider with any +degree of justice to its surpassing merits. The color is equal to a +beautifully polished Pompeiian brass door-plate; the drawing is immense, +though truth must compel us to say that the costumes are rather +slighted. The principal figure of the group, which is taken from a +French model, seems to stand right out from the canvas; this I consider +a very high point of excellence. Visitors should be cautioned against +approaching this picture. + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration] + +I regret that time will not permit me to give you any further notice of +this collection, but I will endeavor to get my amateur friend to go +often and obtain notes for me. Unless I accompany him, however, I fear +he will not pay sufficient attention to the frames. + +Yours, G. + + * * * * * + +"Cometh Up as a Flower." +Very likely it does; but there is one thing that don't go down as +the Flour--and that's the price of bread. + + * * * * * + +ASTRONOMICAL CONVERSATIONS. + +[BY A FATHER AND DAUGHTER RESIDING ON THE PLANET VENUS.] + +NO. II. + +_D_. OH, FATHER, what funny things are caused by the revolution of a +planet! + +_F_. Well, revolutions are not _always_ such funny things, as those +wretched creatures on the earth up there must have found out by this +time. + +_D_. How dry you are, pa! I didn't mean the revolutions _on_ a planet, +but the revolutions _of_ a planet. + +_F_. Well, a distinction, I admit. But what are you driving at? + +_D_. Several things. For instance, seven revolutions of the planet Earth +produce a new number of PUNCHINELLO--a funny thing, as you often say +yourself. + +_F_. Well put, truly. + +_D_. And seven revolutions also give rise to the _Revolution_ itself, +which (being a woman all Right in head and heart) I regard as about the +funniest thing going. + +_F_. "Funny," child? Why, I never saw any thing less so. It is +_dreadfully_ serious. It is even sanguinary; sadder still, abusive and +vulgar. What is there comical about coarseness? + +_D_. You don't take my idea, father. It is funny, because it assumes so +much. It does not realize that womanly modesty is the great obstacle to +its success, and that if it was as well endowed with that quality as the +average of American women, it would promptly cease to revolve. + +_F_. Why, HELENE! what has set you off? Where did you pick up this +nonsense? What can you possibly know of Women's Rights, as I believe +they call the new Movement? + +_D_. Why _shouldn't_ I know something about it, when it has been in your +mouth for months? And ain't _I_ a woman? Besides, don't we women know +some things by _instinct_? + +_F_. Well, well, child! I wish you could know Astronomy by instinct; for +I begin to see I've a job before me, if only to keep you to the point. + +_D_. The Compass-point, do you mean, father? + +_F_. No; the Study-point. Do you call this studying Astronomy? + +_D_. I think, pa, I like the _practical_ part best. + +_F_. Ah, that which allows you to study the Fashions in Broadway! Well, +woman is woman, I believe, the Universe over! But, come; a short lesson, +to begin with. Here is a fine view of Saturn, with his Rings. + +_D_. "Rings?" Are they anything like the New-York Rings you have read +about? + +_F_. Well, yes; no, not exactly; but a Ring within a Ring, is a phrase +that applies to both subjects, just now. + +_D_. Oh, pshaw! I thought you meant finger-rings! What does Saturn want +of Rings? + +_F_. And what does New-York want of 'em. They are _there_, and +there they'll stay! + +_D_. But _I_ mean, what does a _gentleman_ want of rings? + +_F_. Don't we find, every where, that the most Saturnine, the dullest, +and stupidest, and lowest, are generally the fondest of this sort of +ornament? + +_D_. Oh, dear! Father, how you _do_ try me! (Do see him, gazing away, +when he _knows_ I'm dying to get a squint! He pays me no more attention +than though I was a mere ANTHONY! Why, what ails him?) Father! Father, +dear! what--what's the matter? Why are you crying? + +_F_. Come here, and look; quick! Oh, HELENE; isn't it horrible? + +_D_. Why--what is it, father? Console yourself; it is a good way off to +say the least! [Looks a moment.] Why, it's those savage Freedmen, I do +declare! about to sacrifice that amiable-looking white! A tender-looking +man; is he what they call a Ku--Ku-- + +_F_. Klux? Oh, no. That is a Missionary; and the blacks are not +Freedmen, as you suppose, but Cannibals. They are about to roast him. +You see the fire? + +_D_. Oh, quite distinctly! look, father!--he is making a sign to them. +What does it mean? + +_F_. [Looking.] It means that he has lost the use of his +tongue--probably from fright--but would like to write something. + +_D_. Like so many other tongue-tied scribblers! Do they let him? + +_F_. Oh, yes; they bring a board, and a piece of chalk. + +_D_. How large is the piece? + +_F_. The usual size. He is writing. + +_D_. What does the poor fellow say? + +_F_. He is laconic. He merely writes-- + +COOK ME RARE. + +_D_. Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! + +_F_. Boo-hoo-hoo-too! + + * * * * * + +WHAT I KNOW ABOUT FREE TRADE. + +DEAR PUNCHINELLO: In a paper of such great influence as PUNCHINELLO, +vast subjects should be set before the community. I know of none vaster +than Free Trade. You see, every body understands that subject and nobody +can explain it. I propose, therefore, to turn the light of my penny dip +upon it, and to set forth, in concise language, what I know about free +trade. + +It must be premised that there is a great deal to be said on the other +side, and that nothing can be more abominable than free trade to a +protectionist, unless it be protection to a free trader. Free trade +is--well--free trade is--well--let me illustrate: cigars made out of +cabbages are not nice; not to put too fine a point upon it, they're +nasty. We are greater at raising cabbages than we are at sprouting cigar +tobacco. Under these circumstances the free trader (he's a smoker, or if +he isn't, his aunt or sister is) says we want Havana cigars to enter our +lips without the taint of revenue. That's free trade. + +Every youth is a free trader. Don't you remember your own youthful +follies? If you are of the male persuasion, would you have traded your +jack-knife for TOM SMITH'S bull-pup, if there had been a tariff on the +pup. Or, if you are of the feminine persuasibility, would you have +swapped your crying-doll for BETSY JONSES' ring-tailed cat, if the cat +had been compelled to crawl through the custom-house and pay duties? +Besides, don't you remember how often your mother deprived you of a +second cup of tea, on the plea that it would injure your health? Much as +I respect your mamma, I can not refrain from informing you that that +plea was false, and that it was the absence of free trade that deprived +you of a second cup of China whiskey. Then you know that the lump-sugar, +the raisins, the cake, etc., were always locked up in a pantry. All the +result, my dear sir, of an absence of free trade. + +Now that you have grown up, the result is the same. You must have your +soup, and (I do not mean to be pathetic) what is soup without salt? You +must travel on the cars, but what are cars without rails? But, alas, +salt and rails are in the black list. What do you care, whether or not +TOM JONES and BILLY BROWN make money out of their salt and iron mines? +You want cheap soup and cheap riding. Then every time that you pay one +hundred dollars for your wife's dry-goods, you have the ecstatic +pleasure of knowing that you are paying fifty dollars because Mr. JOHN +ROBINSON can't make goods as cheap as the English manufacturers. + +In the natural state, man is a free trader. When our good Christian +brethren give an Indian a string of beads for a buffalo-skin, the Indian +charges no custom duties. He don't want to keep beads out of his +country. When LOT swapped his wife away for a pillar of salt, the trade +was free. When the Americans traded away good ships and cargoes for +Alabama claims, not a word was said about the tariff. These, however, +are cases in which nature rather gets ahead of civilization. + +See the result of the lack of free trade in our country. The brick +manufacturers must be protected, so a heavy tariff was placed on the +foreign article. Our brick men, finding that they had a soft thing, +tried to solve that conundrum which the Israelites gave up: "How do you +make bricks without straw?" They made a patent brick, built the Howard +Museum in Washington, (was it a museum or a college?) the thing tumbled +down, and a Congressional committee sat among its ruins. Poor Gen. +HOWARD is in a muddle, and wishes, from the bottom of his heart, that we +had free trade in bricks. + +Then, morally, see the high position of the free trader. Poor men who +must have tea or cigars or English or French manufactures, are never +driven to smuggling, where free trade prevails. The free trader would +even abolish the tariff of two dollars and a half, imposed on human +chattels who land at Castle Garden. + +That's all I know about free trade. I thought I knew more. I'm afraid I +haven't illuminated the subject; however, I will turn my lantern next +week on protection. + +LOT. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: SHOCKING AFFAIR. + +_First Heavy Swell._ "WHAT'S THE MATTER, OLD FELLOW?--UNDER THE +WEATHER, EH?" + +_Second ditto._ "WORSE THAN THAT. _I've burst my shirt-collar!_"] + + * * * * * + +OUR FOREIGN CORRESPONDENCE. + +(BY ATLANTIC CABLE.) + + +Your representative's little speech at the great PUNCHINELLO dinner may +be better imagined than described. A few words, however, may give you +its _animus_. + +"If," said I, "in this illustrious company, one may indulge in a +Wellerism"-- + +"Spell it with a _we_, sir, if you please," whispered SAMIVEL, who stood +right behind me. + +I resumed. "I have to say, that my feelings at this hour are too many +for me. Perhaps I might add, that the courses have been so also. As my +friend SOYER used to observe when we were together in the Crimea, +astronomical and gastronomical laws are alike fixed. And one of them is, +that the precession of the dinner-plates, and the nutation of the +glasses, do not promote the music of the spheres. But, Mr. PUNCH and +gentlemen, although not one of the heavenly bodies, indeed altogether +terrestrial, one feels, naturally, rounder in his orbit, and a little +more likely to see stars, after such a dinner as this, than before. Do I +not, indeed, see around me now, all the stars of the intellectual +firmament? Are not SIRIUS and ARCTURUS here, in their glory, as well as +ORION and the rest? As my old friend CRISPIN would say, their name is +legion! _I_ would blaze, gentlemen, too, if possible, in honor of the +occasion; but, as I can't Comet, meteors fall in lamentation of my poor +ability. + +"The day we celebrate is truly a great one. Since the time of OLAF, the +Northman, our Anglo-Saxon-Celtic race has loved its jesting +philosophers. No fools are they, in fact, even when to that name they +'stoop to conquer.' + + 'The wise man's folly is anatomized + Even by the squand'ring glances of the fool.' + +"The sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my often rumination +wraps me, is a most humorous sadness. + +"But, gentlemen, your walls have, if not ears, tongues, to recall the +glorious humor and wit of our race. HOGARTH looks down upon us. ADDISON +tells us of dear old Sir ROGER de COVERLEY; I am sure he must have been +the grandfather of Mr. PICKWICK. STERNE makes us weep on one side and +smile on the other, at the mention of my UNCLE TOBY; GOLDSMITH, at the +remembrance of himself. And so does TOM HOOD, the prince of humorists. +THACKERAY we all remember; and neither he nor his Vanity Fair will ever +be forgotten. DOUGLAS JERROLD, and JOHN LEECH, too--the only tears they +ever made men shed were at their graves. And who can fail to feel like a +"pendulum betwixt a smile and tear," when he remembers our ARTEMUS WARD? +Over the water now we have some yet; of whom we count "the TWAIN one;" +and we can get up as good BILLINGS-gate as ever went to market. Then, +for right Saxon wit, have we not SAXE himself? And, for the luminous, +PETROLEUM, the ex-postmaster of the Cross-roads? + +"I represent a name, gentlemen, new with us, yet old in Europe. You are +well aware that, in Italy"-- + +"_That_ might 'uv been tuk for granted; as the donkey said ven his dam +called him a hass"--whispered, rather loudly, SAMIVEL, behind me. + +Now whether it was the Thames atmosphere that had got into my head, or +whether it was SAM WELLER'S unexpected remark, I am unable, to this day, +to say. But, somehow or other, my speech had, by this time, gone up. So +I went down. If the speech was a rocket, I represented a stick. Perhaps +JENKINS may yet wake up to the importance to the civilization of the +century of reporting in full CHARLES DICKENS' speech, and BULWER'S, and +the rest. If so, I will send them on. PUNCHINELLO, however, was honored +as he deserves, at this dinner. Now for a little serious news. + + +GREAT BRITAIN. + +JOHN SMITH, Esq., (son of the _elder_ Smith,) finds it necessary to +contradict the rumor that he is going to the United States. He is +fearful lest there may, possibly, be another person of the same name in +America; which might cause confusion. + +_On dit_ that one of VICTORIA'S daughters was to be engaged to be +married to a young member of the house of ORANGE. But it is believed now +to have been a sour orange. + +Rev. Mr. MACKONOCHIE has been warned by the Bishop of London that he +must reform his ritual, in some particulars. The Bishop is especially +incensed at the censer; and waxes censorious about the wax lights. He +insists that Father MACKONOCHIE must use Stearine or Spermaceti. +Moreover, when water is mixed with wine, it must not come from the East +River; and the wine must be red. Blue wine will do if he can find any. + +Church parties are much excited about Mr. MIALL'S Church-liberation +scheme. But why so? Will not any Rev. who has a living, say, "Who takes +my living takes away _my all!_" A bad pun; but a good argument. They +should not _miaul_ about it, at any rate. + + +FRANCE. + +PIERRE BONAPARTE has gone to be king of the Feejee Islands. It has been +stipulated that he shall not shoot more than one man in a month; and +part of the tenderloin is to be given always to his Majesty's Prime +Minister. + +M. GUERRONIER'S remark in the Senate, April 19th, requires explanation. +He said that "Europe can be tranquil only when France is satisfied." He +was alluding to the necessity of an early supply of copies of +PUNCHINELLO; without which that excitable population can not be kept in +a satisfactory state. I have made arrangements to have them forwarded +accordingly. + + +GERMANY. + +POTOCKIS, new Minister of Public Instruction, has offered his +resignation. The reason is that a deputation of the professors and +teachers called on him to say that it would take their pupils a year to +learn how to spell his name. It is TSCHABUSHNIGG. PRIME. + + * * * * * + +POOR CAPTAIN EYRE. + +It is really outrageous to find fault with poor Captain EYRE. If ever a +man had a full and perfect defence to the accusations which are made +against him, EYRE is that man. Not content with offering one excuse, he +offers a large and varied assortment of excuses, any one of which ought +to be quite satisfactory. For example he asserts: + +That instead of running into the Oneida, the Oneida ran into him. + +That his ship struck the Oneida so lightly that he never knew there had +been any collision. + +That he saw the Oneida just after he had run into her, and that she did +not appear to have lost any thing but her skylights. + +That he stopped his engines and blew his whistle, in order to show that +he was ready to offer any needed assistance to the Oneida. + +That the reason why he did not stop his engines and offer assistance, +was that the collision had so injured his own ship that he thought best +to make at once for the nearest port. + +That he never dreamed that any assistance was wanted, and therefore did +not offer it. + +That he would have gone to the assistance of the Oneida had not one of +his lady passengers been so frightened by the collision that she begged +him to make all possible speed to land her. + +That not a single one of his passengers knew there had been a collision, +so light was the shock of the contact. + +That it was only a Yankee ship, any how, and that it is all "blarsted" +nonsense to make a fuss about it. + +Captain EYRE has returned to England, and asks, on the above grounds, +that he be reinstated in command of his ship. It would be absurd to +refuse so just a request. His defence could not well be more full unless +he were to strengthen it with an alibi. If Mr. SOLOMON PELL still +pursues the practice of the law, Captain EYRE should at once employ that +eminent barrister to prove an alibi for him. His justification would +then be too conclusive to admit of question. + + * * * * * + +CRITICISM OF THE PERIOD. + +[AFTER THE MANNER OF THE "NATION."] + +Milton's Paradise Lost.--The demand for a new edition of this cumbrous +piece of blank verse, proves what we have often said, that the want, in +CROMWELLS time, of a literary journal of the character of the Nation has +had a permanent effect upon literature. Had we been in existence when +that obstinate and pedantic old Puritan wrote, we might have suppressed +him. Still, there is no knowing what women and children will not read. +While MILTON'S lines certainly measure generally about the same length, +it is preposterous to call by the name of poetry what could be written +in prose with so little modification. It is true that the same objection +might be applied to HOMER and SHAKSPEARE. The former has the advantage +of being written in Greek, so that very few people can read it. +SHAKSPEARE has a popularity that is partly accounted for by the low +taste of the people who have gone to the theatre to hear SIDDONS rave +and GARRICK declaim, or who will persist in admiring MACREADY and BOOTH. + +As to MILTON, we have detected, with the aid of foot-notes to an old +edition, a multitude of the most absolute plagiarisms from various +authors. From the Bible mainly, and also from the Greek and Latin poets, +he has taken nearly all his ideas; and every one of the words he uses +are to be found in the dictionary. Talk of originality, after that! His +conceptions also are sometimes absurd; for instance, the Address to +Light. No one, who has not been stultified by theological nebulosities, +ought to fail to know, as we knew when we first began to go to school, +that a blind man cannot see anything at all. Therefore it is an insult +to the understanding, and paltering with all the rational inductions of +modern science, for an educated writer, stone blind, to say a word about +light. + +In fact, the whole plot of the poem flies in the face of the cultivation +of the Nineteenth Century. Such ideas as Paradise, Adam and Eve, and +angels, are getting obsolete. While it is not to be expected that +ordinary persons should have the intelligence or learning of the Editor +and contributors of the Nation, we yet wonder that they are not always +ready to abide by the instruction we are prepared to give them, at the +small price of five dollars a year. Subscriptions received at this +office. + + * * * * * + +INTERIOR ILLUMINATION. + +It gives us joy to state that the celebrated Dr. MILIO (of whom we have +never heard before) has invented a means of illuminating men's +interiors. The doctor lives in Russia; and he takes you and throws +inside of you "a concentrated beam of electric light;" and then he sees +exactly what particular pill you want, and he gives it to you, and you +go away (after paying him) exultant! This quite does away with the +necessity of a bow-window in the bosom, so much desired by a certain +ancient philosopher. + +Mr. PUNCHINELLO begs leave most respectfully to announce that he has +determined to import, at any expense whatever, one of Dr. MILIO'S +Concentrated Electric Beamers. With this Dr. PUNCHINELLO does not intend +to engage in private practice. His purpose is to throw the light +directly into the Body Politic, whether the B.P. requests him to do it +or not. Dr. P. confidently expects to make some most extraordinary +discoveries of various diseases--of greed, foolish ambition, ossification +of the heart, moral leprosy, chronic stupidity, latent idiocy, and that +very common and often unsuspected complaint usually known as Humbug. +(Humbugna Communis.) His fee in no case will exceed ten cents per week; +and patients WILL BE illuminated by the year. + + * * * * * + +THE DREADFUL STATE OF THINGS OUT WEST. + +A dispatch received at this office from the office of the Chicago +Tribune states that the utmost public distress is prevailing in St. +Louis. A frightful pestilence is raging, complete anarchy prevails, most +of the merchants have gone into insolvency, and ruin stares St. Louis in +the face in the most aggravating way. + +A dispatch from the St. Louis Democrat states that the utmost public +distress is prevailing in Chicago. A frightful pestilence is raging, +complete anarchy prevails, most of the merchants have gone into +insolvency, etc., etc. + +A dispatch, from the _Cincinnati Gazette_ states that the utmost public +distress is prevailing in both, St. Louis and Chicago. A frightful +pestilence is raging, complete anarchy prevails, most of the merchants +have gone into insolvency, etc., etc., etc. + +The most painful part of the matter, in Mr. PUNCHINELLO'S benevolent +eyes, is that each city appears to be perfectly delighted with the +misfortunes and miseries of both the others. Instead of getting up +subscriptions for each other, they chuckle and crow in a perfectly +fiendish manner. Until they can behave better, we shall postpone the +subscription which we propose to open in their behalf. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: PERSONAL GOSSIP. +(From the Daily Press.) +"THE WINNER OF A $25,000 PRIZE IN THE HAVANA LOTTERY +IS A BOOT-BLACK OF BROOKLYN."] + + * * * * * + +A Capital Letter. + + The property-holder who Lets his + houses at reduced rents. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: A TOUCHING INCIDENT IN CONGRESS. + +THE RECONCILIATION BETWEEN GENERAL BUTLER AND GENERAL SCHENCK, ON THE +SUBJECT OF THE TARIFF BILL.] + + * * * * * + +COLONEL FISK'S SOLILOQUY. + +THE NINTH TEMPTATION. + + Would I were young enough, to go to school, + Or could but pitch upon some golden rule + For knowing what I am, and what to do, + When to the public gaze I am on view. + I'm Colonel, Admiral, and President, + A theatre manager, and resident + Director of the Opera House, and mine + Are Erie and the Boston steamboat line. + Of merchant, banker, broker, every shade + Am I; in fact, a Jack of every trade. + More varied than the hues of the Chameleon; + Far heavier than Ossa piled on Pelion + Are all my duties! Really it's confusing, + At times, to a degree that's quite amusing. + When am I this, when that, when which, when what? + And am I always FISK, or am I not? + Thus, constantly I get into a fix, + And one thing with another sadly mix; + Many a time absurd mistakes I've made + In giving orders. When I'm on Parade, + And ought to say, "Fours Right," by Jove! I'm certain + To holloa out, "Come, hurry up that curtain!" + Going to Providence the other night, + I ordered all the hands, "Dress to the Right!" + I saw my error, and called out again, + "Hold on! I meant to say, The Ladies' Chain." + At Matinée the other afternoon, + When all the violins seemed well in tune, + I sang out to the Bell Boy, "What's the hitch? + If the Express is due, you'd better switch!" + My order seemed the boy to overwhelm-- + "Lubber!" I cried, "why don't you port your helm?" + I made a speech the other night at mess, + And what my toast was, nobody will guess; + It should have been, "The Union"--'twas, "Be cheery, + Boys! the toast we have to drink is--Erie." + The boys laughed loudly, being the right, sort, + And said, "Why, Admiral! you're hard a _port_." + One time, when GOULD and I were on the cars, + I thought th' officials of the train were tars; + Told them to "Coil that rope and clean the scuppers, + And then go down below and get your suppers." + This must be changed, or my good name will suffer, + And folks will say, JIM FISK is but a duffer. + To feel myself a fool and lose my head, + Too, takes the gilding off the gingerbread; + And makes me ask myself the reason why + On earth I have so many fish to fry? + The fact is, what I touch must have a risk + Of failure, or it wouldn't suit JIM FISK, + I'll conquer this, too--keep a secretary + To help me out when I'm in a quandary. + I will not budge! My banner is unfurled, + Proclaiming FISK the Problem of the world. + + * * * * * + +Query for Lawyers. + +If a man throws a huge stone at his wife's head, would he escape +punishment on the plea that he only meant to Rock her to sleep? + + * * * * * + +A Spring Blossom. + +Blossom Rock, in San Francisco Harbor, has just been blown up +with gunpowder. Of course Blossom Rock went "up as a Flower". + + * * * * * + +Justice in the New Territory. + +Whatever lack of law there may be in Alaska, PUNCHINELLO is +quite sure that there is Just-ice enough in that domain to satisfy all +demands. + + * * * * * + +A Rumor. + +It is rumored that the Fenian Organization have offered Mr. FECHTER +the position of Head Centre, in recognition of the merciless manner +in which he mangles the Queen's English. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: THE FINANCIAL INQUISITION. + +_Grand Inquisitor,_ U. S. GRANT. +_Associate Inquisitors,_ G. S. BOUTWELL, F.E. SPINNER, +JOHN SHERMAN. _Executioner,_ C. DELANO. + +ASSOCIATE SHERMAN. "WELL, UNCLE SAM DOES STAND A GOOD DEAL +OF PRESSURE. EXECUTIONER, KEEP PILING THE WEIGHTS ON."] + + * * * * * + +NOW WE SHALL HAVE IT. + +It has always been one of the sorrows of our life that we were prevented +(by business) from being present at the building of the Tower of Babel. +To say nothing of the great knowledge which we should have acquired of +the ancient languages, it would have been jolly to have marked the +foreman of the works swearing at the laborers in Syriac, while they +answered him in Hebrew, Chaldee, and the Chinese tongue. However, as a +next best thing, we shall attend the meeting of the American Woman +Suffrage Association, which will be held in Washington during the next +session of Congress. We have as much regard as any body for the drums of +our ears; but for the sake of a new sensation, we shall be willing to +risk them. We can imagine at this moment, the astounding effect of the +Grand Double Palaver! All the Senators and Representatives are either +barking, or bawling, or screaming, or shouting, or yelling in the +Capitol, while, to complete the elocutionary duet, all the American +women are simultaneously indulging the unruly and unbridled member. What +the precise effect will be we don't profess to say; but we confidently +predict some valuable discovery in the science of acoustics. + + * * * * * + +FORTY-FOUR TO FOURTEEN. + +[IN WHICH THE YOUNG MEN OF THE PERIOD ARE TAKEN IN HAND.] + +Forty-four is going to talk (with a pen) to Fourteen. I am a female; and +forty-four, as just hinted, is my age. Fourteen is also a female--just +the age I was once. How I recollect that day! I was full of romance and +hope; now I've no romance, little hope, and some wrinkles. It is a fine +thing to be fourteen. I should like to go back there, and make a long +visit. But that can't be. How much I wish it could! If only there were +life-renewers as well as hair-renewers! They called me pretty at +fourteen--said I had pretty ways, (one of them was one hundred and +thirty-five avoirdupois,) and would certainly be a belle. But I proved +too much for that. One hundred and seventy-five cut off all hope. I +sighed, ate nothing, studied poetry, did a good deal of melancholy by +moonlight and otherwise, but nothing came of it. I made myself as +agreeable as possible; but it was the old story--I was too much for +'em--I mean the young men of the period. I dressed and gave parties. I +took lessons in singing of Sig. Folderol, and in dancing of Mons. +Pigeonwing, and could sing cavatinas and galop galops with the best of +them. Ma said I was an angel, and Pa declared I was perfect. But none of +the young men said so. My dear Fourteen, it may be just so with you. +Your ma and pa may say you are angelic and perfect; but where's the use +of it, if nobody else can be made to see it? I tried my best to catch +the young men in my net. But, provoking things, they wouldn't be caught. +Between ourselves--mind, don't blab it out--young men are the greatest +noodles that were ever put upon the face of the earth. I never yet saw +one that could be depended upon to stand by. I am sure, as you know, no +one ever stood by me--when there was a parson at hand. At fourteen I +didn't much care where they stood, if it wasn't on my corns. Twenty +years later I shouldn't have been so particular. But I don't much mind +now, bless you! _You_ wont at forty-four. There's nothing to these young +men. All talk, pretence, audacity, and paper collar, I assure you. I've +studied all of them. They are the same now as then. Human nature, you +know, my dear Fourteen, is the same yesterday, to-day, and week after +next. I used to think it wasn't; now I know it is. These young +men--monsters that they are--will pour the nectar of compliments over +your face, and the acid and canker of abuse down your back; and all in +the same breath, if they get a chance. Pray have an eye and an ear out +for them. If you go to Long Branch, or Newport, or Saratoga, or the +White Mountains this summer, just look out for them. They are dreadful +creatures at home in the cities, but doubly dreadful at these resorts. +You are young, simple, unsophisticated. I was at your age. But I soon +got over such weaknesses. You must very soon, or be a ninny. "Simple," +"artless," "unsophisticated," and such terms mean simply softness. +Whatever else you are, or are not, don't be soft. The mistake of my +fruitless life has been that I believed, in other years, all that was +told me by the other sex. They said to my face that I was a beauty; at +Mr. Jones's, they said I was a fright. They said I sang like a Patti; at +Brown's, I screeched like an owl. They said I danced like Terpsichore; +at Smith's, they declared I wabbled round like any other lame duck. They +said my taste in dress was the pink of perfection; at the Duzenbury's, I +was scandalously deficient in every thing of the sort. It's a way the +young men of that day had with all the girls; and they go the same vile +way now. Pray don't have any thing to do with them. I don't, and I +wouldn't for the world. Folks say I'm prejudiced against em; but it +isn't so--I hate 'em. It is healthy to hate what is hateful. It is +healthy to hate a bundle of broadcloth, kerseymere, buttons, and brass, +and it's my delight by day and dream by night. I'm forty-four--you're +fourteen. I've seen the world--you haven't. You look through rosy +glasses; I through the clear, naked eye. My advice to you on the young +men question is this: Discount nine words in every ten spoken to you as +absolute trash--the gush of mere evaporative sentiment. If you are +called pretty, graceful, accomplished, neat in dress, comely in person, +that your eyes sparkle like diamonds, and your lips are poetic, with +whole volumes of such, just make up your mind that there are plenty of +fools around trying to make a sillier one than themselves. It may seem +very fine for the moment, but it will realize something very different +afterward. Suppose you are _not_ caught up? All the better. I'm +forty-four, independent, free, a slave to no man nor monkey. Better +live, to write your own tale than be the abject one to another. Better +be forty-four and yourself, than a cipher belonging to some body else. +Far better beware of the young men than be worn by them. At least so +thinks and says + +FORTY-FOUR. + + * * * * * + +A NEW RAILWAY PROJECT. + +While every one agrees that a railway running through the city of +New-York, and transporting passengers with rapidity from one end of the +island to the other, is an absolute necessity, no one has yet hit upon a +plan which satisfies the public. The Society for the Prevention of +Cruelty to Animals objects to the Elevated Road, on the ground (though +it is in the air) that the cars will continually run off the track, and, +falling on the horses and dogs in the street below, crush them to a +fatal jelly. The Arcade plan is objectionable to the shop-keepers, +inasmuch as it will change the great thoroughfare into a street +consisting exclusively of cellars, thereby driving the buyers elsewhere. +Conservative people, who like old things, naturally dislike the +Pneumatic Railway, and vehemently assert that "they'll be blowed if they +travel over it," which will undoubtedly prove to be true. Evidently a +new plan must be devised if every body is to be satisfied. That plan +PUNCHINELLO rather flatters himself that he has invented. + +It does not seem to have yet occurred to any one that we are not +necessarily shut up to the single plan of fitting a railway to the city. +Why can we not fit the city to the railway? Every body remembers that +when the Mountain wouldn't come to MOHAMED, that eminent preacher went +to the mountain. Here we have a precedent worth following, To build any +sort of railway in New-York will take time and money. Why, then, should +we do it when there are plenty of nice railways already built in every +part of the country? There is a very nice railway completed and in +running order from Pokertown, in Montana territory, to Euchrebend, just +across the line in Idaho. All we have to do is to box up our buildings, +together with the Central Park, the sewers, the docks, and the Tammany +Hall General Committee, and express them through to Pokertown. The city +can then be set up on each side of the Pokertown and Euchrebend Railway, +and then we shall have the desired state of things--a railway running +through the heart of our city. This plan is both novel and easy. At all +events it is easy of execution in comparison with the Arcade plan, and +it presents no features to which any one can reasonably object. Drawings +of the city as it will appear when this plan has been carried out are +now in process of publication, and will soon be for sale at this office. +(N. B.--Shares in the Pokertown and Euchrebend Railway, and lost along +the route of that admirable road, also for sale on application to the +gentleman whose able pen presents this scheme to our readers.) + + * * * * * + +"Curses Come Home," etc. + +The gay young men of New-York are said to be terribly addicted to the +use of _absinthe_. They pick up the vice in Paris, and hence arises the +singular paradox that, even after they return home, they still continue +to be Absinthees. + + * * * * * + +A Logical Sequence. + +Paper made from wood cannot be claimed as a modern invention, for Log +books, as every body knows, have been used by mariners since ever so +long ago. + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: MODERN MATRIMONY. + +_Young Wife._ "YES, DEAR, MY HUSBAND IS ALL I COULD WISH HIM TO BE." + +_Husband (who is making bread in the back room)._ "I WISH I COULD SAY AS +MUCH FOR HER."] + + * * * * * + +ABOUT A BLOCK. + +A "COUNTRYMAN" writes to us, asking whether the extension of "Murderer's +Block" is among the current city improvements, He says that, on recently +visiting this city, he had great difficulty in determining the exact +locality of the sanctuary in question. Some said it was in the Eighth +Ward; others located it in the Seventeenth. A policeman in East Houston +street, in reply to the query, "Which is Murderer's Block?" waved his +hand with a gesture indicative of unlimited space, and said, "You are on +it." Not pleased with the impeaching tone of this reply, our informant +made his way to another ward, where he put the same question to the +first policeman who came along. Without giving him a direct reply, the +officer winked, shifted his quid of tobacco so as to display his Check +to full advantage, and pointed with his thumb over his shoulder at +indefinite city "slums" behind him. Let the "Countryman" understand +that, as things are at present, he may stand almost any where in the +city and be within a marble-shot of "Murderer's Block." Perhaps +Superintendent JOURDAN is quite aware of this. + + * * * * * + +Neptunian. + +Is it correct to speak of the waters of +the Black Sea as the colored element? + + * * * * * + +SONG OF THE RETURNED SOLDIER. + +[WITH REMARKS BY PUNCHINELLO.] + + I'll hang my harp on the willow-tree, + +_(And that's a very sensible thing for him to do. A hand-organ is what +he wants now.)_ + + And I'll off to the wars again; + +_(Not much. A fellow with only one leg, and perhaps but half the +regulation number of arms, is not wanted in the ranks.)_ + + My peaceful home has no charms for me, + +_(Of course not. He gave up his home and business to go to the wars, and +he can't expect to have all these things when he comes back again, you +know.)_ + + The battle-field no pain. + +_(A great many other fellows besides him found the battle-field no +payin' place.)_ + + The country I love stands up in her pride, + +_(That's so. He's right this time.)_ + + With a diadem on her brow; + +_(Referring probably to what SUMNER calls the "dire Democracy.")_ + + Oh! why did she flatter my boyish pride? + +_(Because she wanted men; that's all.)_ + + She is going to leave me now! + +_(By no means. He can play his organ on the corner as long as he wants +to.)_ + + She took me away from my child and wife, + +_(That was all right enough. He couldn't take his wife and child into +camp.)_ + + And gave me a shoddy suit; + +_(Entirely the fault of the contractors.)_ + + I quite forgot my good old life, + +_(That was perfectly proper. People in camp have to forget that sort of +thing.)_ + + While they taught me to march and shoot. + +_(Good lessons; worth learning.)_ + + She seemed to think me above the men + +_(Made him corporal, most probably.)_ + + Who staid at their homes, you see; + +_(And if he fought on principle he was above most of them.)_ + + Oh, had I jumped the bounty then, + +_(Horrible idea!)_ + + It would have been better for me. + +_(That's not so certain. To be sure, in that case he might have got a +good office in some of the Departments, or been made a Consul, but why +should he complain? He has a first-rate organ, and nobody hinders him +from sitting on the corner and grinding it the livelong day, if it +pleases him. And then there's the honor! His country may not think about +it, nor the people who give him pennies, but if he feels it himself, +what more need he want? How ridiculous it is for some persons to +insinuate that a rich and powerful people, who can grant hundreds of +thousands of dollars to railroad companies, and North Pole expeditions, +ought to be ashamed to see their disabled soldiers begging on the +corners! Absurd beyond comparison!)_ + + * * * * * + +NO GHOST AFTER ALL. + +MR. PUNCHINELLO, having been often scared out of his senses (which are +usually very good and trustworthy senses,) by double tattoos on his +library table, and also by the eccentric movements of the table itself, +is happy to announce that, after all, there is nothing in it. There is a +Dr. HAMMOND who has sent all necessary explanations to the _North +American Review_. We do not understand them at all, but they are highly +soothing and satisfactory. It seems that Mr. P. (in common with less +distinguished characters) has "a gray tissue." This does not refer to +his coat, but to something inside of him which renders him the nervous +creature that he is. Well, not to make too scientific a matter of it, it +appears that our "gray tissue" operates upon our "spinal cord," and +raises the old boy (if we may be allowed the expression) with our +brains; and this, in some way, but really we do not exactly see how, +produces the raps, and leads us to suppose that we are hearing (dear old +lady!) from our grandmother. It is astonishing how simple these +mysterious matters appear after a scientific explanation. + + * * * * * + +THE DOG-BREAKER'S DIFFICULTY. + +[Illustration: THE DOG'S HEAD IS VERY GOOD FOR A POINTER, BUT THE +CONFOUNDED TAIL _will_ CURL. + +A PLAN IS DEVISED FOR STRAIGHTENING IT. + +RESULT.] + + * * * * * + +Philological Query. + +Is the following sentence, which Mr. PUNCHINELLO finds in that +respectable paper, the _Boston Advertiser_, to be considered as English +or Latin? + +"The constitutio de fide has been adopted by the Ecumenical Council, +nemine contradicente." + + * * * * * + +Absurd to Ask It. + +The Belgians propose to drop the letter "h" from the French language. In +France itself the proposition is received wrathfully, and it is no +wonder, when we remember that Perfidious Albion has been the great +dropper of "h" from time immemorial. + + * * * * * + +A Place Appropriately Named. + +SIGH-BERIA + + * * * * * + +FISCALITIES. + +Let no one read this title--rascalities. Fiscalities are very different +things. (_That is to say, out of Wall street_.) PUNCHINELLO always had a +strong liking for fiscal subjects, and even now he would be glad to +write a fiscal history of the United States, provided he was furnished +with specimens of all the various coins, bank-notes, greenbacks, bonds, +and such mediums of exchange that have been in circulation from colonial +times until now. (_That is to say, he'd like very much to have the coins +and things, but if any one takes up this offer, and wants to keep his +coins, a money-order for a corresponding amount, or ordinary bills, in a +registered letter, will be entirely satisfactory_.) But as he can not +write a book this week, he desires to draw the attention of his readers +to the fact that fiscal expansion ought to be the great end of man. +(_That is to say, it often is, but in a different way from what +_PUNCHINELLO _means_.) For instance, look at Colonel FISK, of the +glorious Ninth! Had not his vigorous intellect been closely applied to +the great questions of fiscal economy, is it likely that the steady +expansion of his corporeal being would have given such a weight to his +wisely-planned movements? (_That is to say, if he hadn't got rich he +wouldn't have got so fat, and then buildings would not tremble when he +drills_.) A man who is perfectly proportioned in a fiscal point of view, +can call himself a monarch of the world. The elements will own they are +his servants, and the seasons will mould themselves to suit his will. +(_That is to say, he can have one hundred and fifty fine young women to +dance the Devil's Torchlight Cotillion in his own theatre, and he can sit +there, if he wants to, all alone and look at them just as long as he +pleases; and not one of them dare stop till he's ready_.) Space bows +before such a man, and shrivels itself up into a mere nothing. Land and +water are alike to such a one. It matters not to him whether the waves +roll beneath his possessions, or the solid ground upholds them. + +ST. CECILIA sits at the feet of this great exponent of fiscal expansion, +and TUBAL CAIN dwells serenely in his court-yards. (_That is to say, +just wait until you hear his new brass band!_) Now, who would not be as +this financial monarch? Who would not say: "I, too, can do these +things?" (_That is to say, which of us would not gladly take every cent +the good FISK possesses, and let him beg his bread from door to door, if +we only got a decent chance?_) If it were not for such shining examples +of the power of wealth and the glories that it is capable of placing +before our eyes, the souls of ordinary men would much less frequently be +moved to extraordinary effort in the line of pecuniary progress. (_That +is to say, if old_ FISK _did not change the ballet in his Twelve +Temptations so often, and did not keep on getting new dancers, and +dressing them all up different every week or two, we would not have to +raise a dollar and half so frequently to go and see the confounded +thing_.) But it is of no use to try and calculate the vast advantage of +Fiscal expansion. Even with a WEBB'S Adder, PUNCHINELLO could not do the +sum, and it's pretty certain that it would make WEBB Sadder, if he tried +it. Among other things, a man of fiscal solidity is never unprepared for +emergencies, and, if necessary, he can resort to extremities of which +ordinary people would never dream. (_That is to say, have you seen_ +FISK'S _last legs?_) Therefore, it becomes us all to endeavor to have a +share in the prosperity of which we see such a shining example, (_that +is to say_, PUNCHINELLO _does not mean for us all to go buy stock in +Erie_,) and mayhap, even the humblest of us may, in time, be able to +whistle "Shoo Fly" in marble halls. (_That is to say, even a poor ostler +may get along very well if he attentively and industriously waters his +stock_.) + + * * * * * + +Interesting to Mr. Bergh. + +"Dog's-Ear" shirt-collars (the ones that stick up and are doubled down +at the points,) are coming into fashion. + +Says young SOLOMONS, the other day, "I want something new in collars; I +shall cut my Dog's-ears." And he went and did it; which is decidedly +interesting to Mr. BERGH. + + * * * * * + +An Interesting Patient. + +New-Haven enjoys an elephant that has corns, and is about to be operated +on by a chiropodist. There is a largeness, approaching to sublimity, in +the idea of an elephant with corns, though it naturally suggests the +query, "What Boots it?" + + * * * * * + +A Dogged Problem. + +If Sir WALTER SCOTT'S dog was worth--say--ten "pounds," what was his +Kenilworth? + + * * * * * + +CONDENSED CONGRESS. + +SENATE. + +The gentle CHANDLER is occasionally goaded to rage and rhetoric by +perfidious Albion. The other day he had one of these deliriums. In the +language of the bard. + + He shook his fists and he tore his hair + Till they really felt afraid; + For they couldn't help thinking + the man had been drinking. + +He wanted to annex the Winnipeg district. It was true that the Winnipeg +district was an unmitigated nuisance to England; and probably it would +prove an unmitigated nuisance to us if we annexed it. But it would make +Great Britain mad. The dearest object of his life was to madden Great +Britain. What was Great Britain? What business had she on this +continent? None but the right of conquest. It occurred to him that that +was all we had ourselves; but that made no difference. His motto was, +Great Britain _est_ Carthago, or _delenda_ must be destroyed, or +something of that sort--he forgot exactly what. He knew we could whip +Great Britain, and he wanted to fight her. That is, he wanted some body +else to fight her. It would be the proudest moment of his life to serve, +exclusively as a sutler, in the grand American army which should go +forth to smash Great Britain. Queen VICTORIA was only a woman. Therefore +he would fight her single-handed. Let her come on. Let her son, who was +a snob, come on. Let Mr. THORNTON come on. Let every body come on. He +defied every body. He expectorated upon every body. (Mr. CHANDLER by +this time became so earnest that seven Senators were constrained to wait +upon him, but it produced no sedative effect.) Mr. CHANDLER kept on in +this manner until he had challenged the population of the planet to +single combat, and then subsided, and ordered five hundred copies of the +morrow's _Globe_ to send to various potentates and constituents. + +Mr. DRAKE said of course no body minded CHANDLER. But there were some +glimmerings of sense in CHANDLER, and he thought the Winnipeg war would +be a good thing. Perhaps CHANDLER might be induced to go out there, +which would make it pleasant for the Senate. Mr. SUMNER said he was +disgusted, not with CHANDLER'S principles, which were excellent, but +with his quotation, which was incorrect. He considered correct quotation +far more important than correct principles. Every school-boy knew that +_delenda est Carthago_ was what Mr. CHANDLER attempted to cite. To be +sure Mr. CHANDLER was not every school-boy. (Cheers for every +School-boy.) Mr. SUMNER took advantage of this occasion to relate +several incidents of the life of HANNIBAL, and closed with a protest +against the accursed spirit of caste. In support of this view he sent to +the clerk's desk, and had read a few chapters from KANT'S Critique of +Pure Reason. + +HOUSE. + +Schenck scatters members to flight whenever he introduces his tariff +bill. This disgusts SCHENCK, and he has been trying to bring back the +erring Representatives by the use of the Sergeant-at-Arms and fines. The +House has lately amused itself by listening to excuses. + +Mr. BUTLER'S name was called. Mr. BUTLER was not there. Mr. SCHENCK +proposed to fine him. + +Mr. COX objected. Why, he said, should the sweet boon of BUTLER'S +absence rouse the anger of SCHENCK. He would suggest an amendment that +BUTLER be fined when present and blessed when away. The less they had of +BUTLER the better. + +Mr. AMES was making money, and therefore he could not come. + +Mr. DAVIS was prosecuting MCFARLAND, which he considered better fun than +discussing the tariff. + +Mr. FITCH had gone to take a bath. Mr. LOGAN said that was ridiculous. +He himself had never found it necessary to absent himself on such a +ground. No representative of the people ought to take a bath. + +He was sorry to see this tendency to aristocracy on the part of members. +West Point and the bath-tub were undermining our institutions. + +Mr. POLAND said that he had been to call on a clergyman. Mr. LOGAN said +that was worse if possible than the bath. He much preferred immersion to +sprinkling. + +Mr. SWEENEY (who is Mr. SWEENEY?) had been superintending the birth of +an infant SWEENEY. Mr. KELLEY said a man who would basely look after his +young when the fate of pig-iron was trembling in the balance, was +unworthy to represent American freemen. What was the interesting +situation of any individual, male or female, compared to the interesting +situation of "fish-plates." The same fiendish spirit that animated the +Confederate armies was still alive. But it now found expression in vile +and insidious attacks upon the "scrap-iron" which was the pride of every +true American heart. He did not hesitate to say that the man who would +vote against an increase of 7000 per cent, _ad valorem_, upon railway +iron would, if his cowardly soul would let him, have aimed the pistol of +the assassin at the late Mr. LINCOLN. + +Mr. LOGAN said there was no occasion for Mr. KELLEY to say any thing +about any man from Illinois. He, LOGAN, could take care of that State +without KELLEY'S assistance. He had observed with grief and shame that +KELLEY had made several more speeches this session than he (LOGAN) had. +He did not intend to suffer this in future. + +Mr. KELLEY said he voted for his constituents, who were ironmongers; but +ho spoke, in an iron-ical way, for the whole country. He meant to speak +early and speak often. + +Mr. SCHENCK upheld the income-tax. He said it bore very lightly on +Congressmen, for none but honest men were compelled to pay it. + + * * * * * + +OUR LITERARY LEGATE. + +Minister MOTLEY is a gentleman, a scholar, and, though last not least, +as genial a diner and winer as ever put American legs under a British +peer's mahogany. There was a time when he was for avenging British +outrage by whipping John Bull out of his boots, but now, clad in a +dress-coat of unexceptionable cut, he deprecates the idea of +international breaches. As a diplomatist he could scarcely show more +indifference to the Alabama claim, if the claim itself were All a Bam. +He roars for recompense more gently than a sucking dove. When he +presented our little bill a _grand coup_ was expected, but the +trans-atlantic turtle seems to have shut him up. Listening to +compliments on the "Dutch Republic" he forgets his own, and renders but +a Flemish account to his country. Not content with following the festive +footsteps of his illustrious predecessor, REVERDY, he has made new +tracks to every hospitable nobleman's door. The scented soft-soap of +adulation is his "particular vanity," and under its soothing influence +he seems to be washing his hands of his official responsibilities. In +point of fact, MOTLEY has deserted his colors, and, as a diplomat, is by +no means up to the American Standard. As it is clear he cannot maintain +the _prestige_ of the Star Spangled Banner abroad, we call upon the +Government to give him Hail Columbia, and order him home. + + * * * * * + +CONS BY A WRECKER. + + Where are women wrecked? Off the Silly Islands. + Where are men wrecked? Some off Port, some Half Seas over, + some off the Horn, or wherever they Chews. + Where are rogues wrecked? In the Dock. + Where are brokers wrecked? On the Breakers. + Where are children wrecked? Some in Babycome Bay, and some on the + Coral Islands. + Where are bad musicians wrecked? On the Sound. + Where are would-be sharpers wrecked? On the Mighty Deep. + + * * * * * + +BOOK NOTICES. + +IN SPAIN AND A VISIT TO PORTUGAL. By HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN. New-York: +HURD & HOUGHTON. + +A good summer book of nearly three hundred pages. As usual, ANDERSEN is +not abstruse in his way of putting things. His narrative is adapted +alike for the juvenile mind and for the adult. There is no periphrasis +in it. One understands his meaning at a glance; therefore the book +should be a very popular one when summer time sets in, and people look +for some quiet _délassement_ which will not compel them to think. + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | BARGAINS IN CARPETS. | + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | ARE RECEIVING BY EACH AND EVERY STEAMER | + | | + | THE | + | | + | NEWEST AND LATEST DESIGNS IN | + | | + | MOQUETTES AND AXMINSTERS, | + | | + | ROYAL WILTONS, | + | | + | BODY BRUSSELS, | + | | + | Crossley's Velvets, | + | Tapestry Brussels, | + | etc., etc., | + | | + | AND THEY ARE ALSO | + | | + | MAKING LABRE ADDITIONS | + | | + | TO THEIR | + | | + | REGULAR STOCKS OF | + | | + | ENGLISH BODY BRUSSELS. | + | | + | ROYAL WILTONS, | + | $2 50 AND $3 PER YARD, | + | | + | AXMINSTERS, | + | $3 50 AND $4 PER YARD. | + | | + | TOGETHER WITH | + | | + | INGRAINS, THREE-PLY, COCOA, | + | | + | AND | + | | + | CANTON MATTINGS, | + | ENGLISH AND DOMESTIC | + | OIL-CLOTHS, etc., | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | 4th Ave., 9th and 10th Sts. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. Stewart & Co. | + | | + | ARE OFFERING | + | | + | IN | + | | + | ALL THE VARIOUS DEPARTMENTS | + | | + | OF THEIR | + | | + | RETAIL-ESTABLISHMENT | + | | + | UNUSUAL ATTRACTIONS | + | | + | IN | + | | + | PRICE, QUALITY, AND STYLES OF | + | | + | GOODS | + | | + | JUST RECEIVED | + | | + | per late steamers, as well as from the recent large | + | Auction-Sales, to which they respectfully request the | + | attention of their Customers and the Public. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | Fourth Avenue, Ninth and Tenth Streets. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | A. T. STEWART & CO. | + | | + | HAVE OPENED | + | | + | A MAGNIFICENT ASSORTMENT OF | + | | + | Sash-Ribbons, Neck-Ribbons, Roman | + | Sashes, etc., etc., | + | | + | IN NEW STYLES AND COLORINGS. | + | | + | At Extremely Attractive Prices. | + | | + | BROADWAY, | + | | + | Fourth Ave., Ninth and Tenth Sts. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | SPECIAL | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PREMIUMS. | + | | + | By special arrangement with | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., | + | | + | We offer the following Elegant Premiums for new Subscribers | + | to | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO: | + | | + | "Awakening." (A Litter of Puppies.) Half Chromo, size, 8-3/8 | + | by 11-1/8, price $2.00, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO for one | + | year, for $4.00. | + | | + | "Wild Roses." Chromo, 12-1/8 by 9, price $3.00, or any other | + | $3.00 Chromo, and a copy of the paper for one year for | + | $5.00. | + | | + | "The Baby in Trouble." Chromo, 13 by 16-1/4, price $6.00 or | + | any other at $6.00, or any two Chromos at $3.00, and a copy | + | of the paper for one year, for $6.00. | + | | + | "Sunset,--California Scenery," after A. Bierstadt, 18-1/8 by | + | 12, price $10.00, or any other $10.00 Chromo, and a copy of | + | the paper for one year for $10.00. Or the four Chromos, and | + | four copies of the paper for one year in one order, for | + | clubs of FOUR, for $23.00. | + | | + | We will send to any one a printed list of L. PRANG & CO.'S | + | Chromos, from which a selection can be made, if the above is | + | not satisfactory, and are prepared to make special terms for | + | clubs to any amount, and to agents. | + | | + | Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, | + | twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter in advance; | + | the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. | + | | + | Remittances should be made in P. O. Orders, Drafts, or Bank | + | Checks on New-York, or Registered letters. The paper will be | + | sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) when not | + | otherwise ordered. | + | | + | Now is the time to subscribe, as these Premiums will be | + | offered for a limited time only. On receipt of a | + | postage-stamp we will send a copy of No. 1 to any one | + | desiring to get up a club. | + | | + | Address | + | | + | PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., | + | | + | P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New-York. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +[Illustration: POLICE POLICY. + +_Policeman._ "THAT'S HIM: OVER THERE PICKING THE OLD GENTLEMAN'S +POCKET." + +_Green Youth._ "THEN WHY DON'T YOU ARREST HIM?" + +_Policeman._ "WELL, IT MIGHT MAKE HIM FEEL UGLY TOWARDS ME, I +LIKE A QUIET LIFE."] + + + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | "The Printing House of the United States." | + | | + | GEO.F. NESBITT & CO., | + | | + | General JOB PRINTERS, | + | | + | BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, | + | | + | STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail, | + | | + | LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers, | + | | + | COPPER-Plate Engravers and Printers, | + | | + | CARD Manufacturers, | + | | + | FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. | + | | + | 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., 73, 75, 77, and 79 PINE | + | ST., New-York. | + | | + | Advantages. All on the same premises, and under immediate | + | supervision of the proprietors. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | Bowling Green Savings-Bank | + | 33 BROADWAY, | + | NEW-YORK. | + | | + | _Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M._ | + | | + | Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten | + | Thousand Dollars, will be received. | + | | + | Six Per Cent Interest, Free of | + | Government Tax. | + | | + | INTEREST ON NEW DEPOSITS | + | Commences on the first of every month | + | | + | HENRY SMITH, _President_. | + | | + | REEVES E. SELMES, _Secretary_. | + | | + | WALTER ROCHE, | + | EDWARD HOGAN, _Vice-Presidents_. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + | | + | PRANG'S CHROMOS are celebrated for their close resemblance | + | to Oil Paintings. Sold in all Art and Bookstores throughout | + | the world. PRANG'S WEEKLY BULLITIN: "Pompeii," "Barefoot | + | Boy," "Wild Fruits," "Birthplace of Whittier," etc. | + | Illustrated Catalogues sent on receipt of stamp by | + | | + | L. PRANG & CO., Boston. | + | | + +--------------------------------------------------------------+ + +PUNCHINELLO: + +TERMS TO CLUBS. + +WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS + +FIRST: + +DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER, + +The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning +purposes. + +SECOND: + +BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES. + +These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful; +and every lady should have one, as they can make every conceivable kind +of crochet or fancy work upon them. + +THIRD: + +BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER. + +This is the most perfect and complete machine in the world. It knits +every thing. + +FOURTH: + +AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND SEWING-MACHINE. + +This great combination machine is the last and greatest improvement on +all former machines. No. 1, with finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and +Cover, complete, price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole +parts, etc., price, $60. + +WE WILL SEND THE + + Family Spinner, price, $8, for 4 subscribers and $16. + No.1 Crochet, " 8, " 4 " " 16. + " 2 " " 15, " 6 " " 24. + " 1 Automatic Knitter, 72 needles, 30, " 12 " " 48. + " 2 " " 84 needles, 33, " 13 " " 52. + No.3 Automatic Knitter, 100 needles, 37, for 15 subscribers and $60. + " 4 " " 2 cylinders, 33, " 13 " " 52. + 1 72 needles 40. " 16 " " 64. + 1 100 needles + +No. 1 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + price, $75, for 30 subscribers and $120. + +No. 2 American Buttonhole and Overseaming Machine, + without buttonhole parts, etc., price, $60, for 25 subscribers and $100. + +Descriptive Circulars + +Of all these machines will be sent upon application to this office, and +full instructions for working them will be sent to purchasers. + +Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, may deduct +seventy-five cents upon each full subscription sent for four subscribers +and upward, and after the first remittance for four subscribers may send +single names as they obtain them, deducting the commission. + +Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank Checks, or Drafts +on New-York City; or if these can not be obtained, then by Registered +Letters, which any post-master will furnish. + +Charges on money sent by express must be prepaid, or the net amount only +will be credited. + +Directions for shipping machines must be full and explicit, to prevent +error. In sending subscriptions give address, with Town, County, and +State. + +The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per year, payable +quarterly in advance, at the place where it is received. Subscribers in +the British Provinces will remit twenty cants in addition to +subscription. + +All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to +P.O. Box 2783. + + +PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY + +No. 83 Nassau Street, + +NEW-YORK + + * * * * * + +S. W. GREEN. PRINTER, CORNER JACOB AND FRANKFORT STREETS. + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 7 *** + +This file should be named 8p10710.txt or 8p10710.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8p10711.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8p10710a.txt + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our Web sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text +files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ +We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): + +eBooks Year Month + + 1 1971 July + 10 1991 January + 100 1994 January + 1000 1997 August + 1500 1998 October + 2000 1999 December + 2500 2000 December + 3000 2001 November + 4000 2001 October/November + 6000 2002 December* + 9000 2003 November* +10000 2004 January* + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, +Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, +Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, +Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, +Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South +Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West +Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. + +We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +Donations by check or money order may be sent to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information online at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the eBook (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only +when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by +Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be +used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be +they hardware or software or any other related product without +express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + diff --git a/old/8p10710.zip b/old/8p10710.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1317858 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8p10710.zip diff --git a/old/8p10710h.htm b/old/8p10710h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..af22ce4 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8p10710h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3053 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<html> +<head> + <meta name="generator" content= + "HTMLTrim (vers 1st October 2003), see http://htmltrim.sourceforge.net"> + <meta content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" http-equiv= + "Content-Type"> + + <title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of PUNCHINELLO Vol. 1, No. + 7.</title> + <style type="text/css"> + <!-- + * { font-family: Times;} + HR { width: 33%; } + // --> + </style> +</head> + +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, 1870, by Various + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, 1870 + +Author: Various + +Release Date: February, 2006 [EBook #9961] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on November 5, 2003] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 7 *** + + + + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + +</pre> + + <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="1" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">J. NICKINSON</p> + + <p><small>begs to announce to the friends + of</small></p> + + <p><big><big><b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b></big></big></p> + + <p><small>residing in the country, that for their + convenience, he has made arrangements by which, on + receipt of the price of</small></p> + + <p>ANY STANDARD BOOK PUBLISHED,</p> + + <p><small>the same will be forwarded, postage + paid.</small></p> + + <p><small>Parties desiring Catalogues of any of our + Publishing Houses can have the same forwarded by + inclosing two stamps.</small></p> + + <p><small>OFFICE OF</small><br> + <b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</b><br> + 83 Nassau Street.<br> + [P. O. Box 2783.]</p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p>TO NEWS-DEALERS.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>PUNCHINELLO'S + MONTHLY.</big></p> + + <p>THE FIVE NUMBERS FOR APRIL,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Bound in a Handsome + Cover,</p> + + <p>Will be ready May 2d. Price, Fifty Cents.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>THE TRADE</big></p> + + <p><small>SUPPLIED BY THE</small></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">AMERICAN NEWS + COMPANY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><small>Who are now + prepared to receive Orders.</small></p> + </center> + </td> + + <td width="33%"> + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">HARRISON BRADFORD & + CO.'S</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>STEEL + PENS.</big></big></big></p> + + <p>These pens are of a finer quality, more durable, and + cheaper than any other Pen in the market. Special + attention is called to the following grades, as being + better suited for business purposes than any Pen + manufactured. The</p> + + <p><b>"505," "22,"</b> and the + <b>"Anti-Corrosive."</b></p> + + <p>We recommend for bank and office use.</p> + + <p><b>D. APPLETON & CO.,</b> <b><br> + Sole Agents for United States.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="0" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <center> + <br> + <br> + <p>[Illustration: Vol. 1. No. 6.]</p> + + <h1>PUNCHINELLO</h1> + + <h2>Vol. I. No. 7.</h2> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">SATURDAY, MAY 14, + 1870.</p><br> + <br> + + <h3>PUBLISHED BY THE</h3><br> + + <h3>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,</h3><br> + <br> + + <h4>83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.</h4> + </center><br> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><i>CONANT'S PATENT BINDERS for "Punchinello," to + preserve the paper for binding, will be sent, postpaid, + on receipt of One Dollar, by "Punchinello Publishing + Company," 83 Nassau Street, New-York City.</i></p> + + <p>See 15th page for Extra Premiums.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table><br> + + <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="3" align="center" border="1" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>APPLICATIONS FOR ADVERTISING IN</p> + + <p><b>"PUNCHINELLO"</b></p> + + <p>SHOULD BE ADDRESSED TO</p> + + <p>J. NICKINSON,</p> + + <p>Room No. 4,</p> + + <p>83 NASSAU STREET.</p> + </td> + + <td align="center" rowspan="2"><big><big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">HERCULES</span><br style= + "font-weight: bold;"> + <span style= + "font-weight: bold;">MUTUAL</span></big></big></big><br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">LIFE ASSURANCE + SOCIETY</span></big><br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OF THE UNITED + STATES</span><br> + <br> + No. 240 Broadway, New-York.<br> + <br> + POLICIES NON-FORFEITABLE.<br> + <br> + All Policies<br> + <br> + <big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Entitled to + Participation in Profits</span></big>.<br> + <br> + Dividends Declared Annually.<br> + <br> + JAMES D. REYMERT, President.<br> + <br> + ASHER S. MILLS, Secretary<br> + <br> + THOMAS H. WHITE, M.D., Medical Examiner.<br> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">ACTIVE AGENTS + WANTED.</span><br></td> + + <td align="center" rowspan="2"> + <p><b>Mercantile Library,</b></p> + + <p>Clinton Hall, Astor Place</p> + + <p>New-York.</p> + + <p>This is now the largest circulating Library In + America, the number of volumes on its shelves being + 114,000. About 1000 volumes are added each month; and + very large purchases are made of all new and popular + works.</p> + + <p>Books are delivered at members' residences for five + cents each delivery.</p> + + <p>TERMS OF MEMBERSHIP:</p> + + <p>TO CLERKS,</p> + + <p>$1 Initiation, $3 Annual Dues.</p> + + <p>TO OTHERS, $5 a year.</p> + + <p>SUBSCRIPTIONS TAKEN FOR SIX MONTHS.</p> + + <p><b>BRANCH OFFICES</b></p> + + <p>NO. 76 CEDAR STREET, NEW-YORK,</p> + + <p>AND AT</p> + + <p>Yonkers, Norwalk, Stamford, and Elizabeth.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"><br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bazar Book of + Decorum.</span></big></big><br> + <br> + BAZAR BOOK OF DECORUM.<br> + The Care of the Person,<br> + Manners, Etiquette, and Ceremonials. 16mo, Toned Paper,<br> + Cloth, Beveled Edges, $1.00.<br> + <br> + <small>"The great value of this book to American readers + will be found In the fact that it is not merely a useful + and trustworthy guide in matters of fashionable etiquette, + but also in those make up the daily round of social and + domestic life. The subject is treated with a large + liberality of view that takes in many of the practical + questions arising in every grade of society, in regard to + dress, food, exercise, daily habits of the mind and body, + etc. The book is divided into three parts, and treats, 1st. + of the Care of the Person; 2d, of Manners; 3d, of Etiquette + and Ceremonials. Under each head Is given a large amount of + information upon points often unconsciously disregarded by + Americans. The author<br> + tells exactly what people want to know in respect to giving + breakfasts and dinners, giving and receiving calls, evening + parties, visits of ceremony, addressing notes, letters, + invitations, etc., and meets an acknowledged want in a very + practical as well as entertaining manner."<br></small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Published by Harper & + Brothers.</span><br> + <br> + Sent by mail, Postage Prepaid,<br> + on receipt of $1.00.<br> + <br></td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>Thomas J. Rayner & Co.,</p> + + <p>29 LIBERTY STREET,</p> + + <p>New-York,</p> + + <p>MANUFACTURERS OF THE</p> + + <p><i>Finest Cigars made in the United States.</i></p> + + <p>All sizes and styles. Prices very moderate. Samples + sent to any responsible house. Also Importers of the</p> + + <p><b>"FUSBOS" BRAND,</b></p> + + <p>Equal in quality to the best of the Havana market, and + from ten to twenty per cent cheaper.</p> + + <p>Restaurant, Bar, Hotel, and Saloon trade will save + money by calling at</p> + + <p><b>29 LIBERTY STREET</b></p> + </td> + + <td align="center" rowspan="3"> + <h2>PUNCHINELLO.</h2> + + <p><small>With a large and varied experience in the + management and publication of a paper of the class + herewith submitted, and with the still more positive + advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, + the</small></p> + + <p><b>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.</b></p> + + <p><small>OF THE CITY OF NEW-YORK,</small></p> + + <p><small>Presents to the public for approval, + the</small></p> + + <p><b>NEW ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL</b></p> + + <p>WEEKLY PAPER,</p> + + <p><big><big><b>PUNCHINELLO,</b></big></big></p> + + <p>The first number of which will be issued under date of + April 2.</p> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO will be entirely original; humorous and + witty, without vulgarity, and satirical without malice. + It will be printed on a superior tinted paper of sixteen + pages, size 13 by 9, and will be for sale by all + respectable newsdealers who have the judgment to know a + good thing when they see it, or by subscription from this + office.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ORIGINAL ARTICLES,</p> + + <p>Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or + suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the + topics of the day, are always acceptable, and will be + paid for liberally.</p> + + <p>Rejected communications can not be returned, unless + postage stamps are inclosed.</p> + + <p><b>TERMS:</b></p> + + <p>One copy, per year, in advance $4.00</p> + + <p>Single copies, ten cents.</p> + + <p>A specimen copy will be mailed free upon the receipt + of ten cents.</p> + + <p>One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other + magazine or paper, price $2.50, for 5.50</p> + + <p>One copy, with any magazine or paper, price $4, for + 7.00</p> + + <p>All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed + to</p> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO.,</p> + + <p>No. 83 Nassau Street</p> + + <p>NEW-YORK</p> + + <p>P.O. Box, 2783.</p> + + <p><i>(For terms to Clubs, see 16th page.)</i></p> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <p>AMERICAN</p> + + <p><b>BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING,</b></p> + + <p>AND</p> + + <p><big>SEWING-MACHINE CO.,</big></p> + + <p><b>563 Broadway, New-York.</b></p> + + <p>This great combination machine is the last and + greatest improvement on all former machines, making, in + addition to all work done on best Lock-Stitch machines, + beautiful</p> + + <p>BUTTON AND EYELET HOLES;</p> + + <p>in all fabrics.</p> + + <p>Machine, with finely finished</p> + + <p>OILED WALNUT TABLE AND COVER</p> + + <p>complete, $75. Same machine, without the buttonhole + parts, $60. This last is beyond all question the + simplest, easiest to manage and to keep in order, of any + machine in the market. Machines warranted, and full + instruction given to purchasers.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center">Notice to Ladies.<br> + <br> + <big><big><span style= + "font-weight: bold;">DIBBLEE,</span></big></big><br> + <br> + Of 854 Broadway,<br> + <br> + Has just received a large assortment of all the latest + styles of<br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">Chignons, Chatelaines, + etc.</span><br> + <br> + <small><span style="font-weight: bold;">FROM + PARIS</span></small>,<br> + <br> + Comprising the following beautiful varieties:<br> + <br> + La Coquette, La Plenitude,<br> + Le Bouquet,<br> + La Sirene, L'Imperatrice, etc.,<br> + <br> + At prices varying from $2 upward.</td> + + <td rowspan="2" align="center"> + <p><b>HENRY SPEAR</b></p> + + <p>STATIONER, PRINTER</p> + + <p>AND</p> + + <p><b>BLANK BOOK MANUFACTURER.</b></p> + + <p>ACCOUNT BOOKS</p> + + <p>MADE TO ORDER.</p> + + <p><b>PRINTING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION.</b></p> + + <p>82 Wall Street,</p> + + <p>NEW-YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>WEVILL & HAMMAR,</p> + + <p><b>Wood Engravers,</b></p> + + <p>No. 208 BROADWAY,</p> + + <p>NEW-YORK.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table align="center" width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <br style="font-weight: bold;"> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.</p> + + <p>BATHOS and pathos are closely allied in sound as well as in + sense. Mr. FECHTER evidently regards them as completely + identical; and in his acting, as in his pronunciation, + uniformly prefers the former to the latter. He has + recently exemplified this by his personation of CLAUDE + MELNOTTE, in that most tawdry specimen of the + cotton-velvet drama, the LADY OF LYONS. This melancholy + event took place a few nights since at the French + Theatre, that mausoleum of the illegitimate French drama. + Miss CARLOTTA LECLERCQ, an actress who deserves the + highest praise, and who would receive it were it not that + a doubt as to the proper pronunciation of her name + prevents the bashful critic from mentioning her when + flushed with the generous enthusiasm of beer, played + PAULINE, and a number of Uncertain People played the + dickens with the rest of the <i>dramatis + personæ</i>. Every one knows the play, and no one + cares to hear how the Uncertain People mangled it. The + audience naturally took no interest in it until the third + scene of the first act was reached, and shouts of "Long + live CLAUDE MELNOTTE" were heard from behind the scenes. + After which everybody remarked, "Now he's coming," and + rubbed their lorgnettes with looks of expectation and + corners of pocket-handkerchiefs.</p> + + <p><i>Enter</i> CLAUDE. "Gif me choy, dear mutter, I've + won the brize."</p> + + <p><i>Mother</i>. "Humph! What's the wally of it, my + boy?"</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "Every thing. It is wealth—the 'ope of + vame—the ambition to pe worthier of PAULINE. Ah! I lofe + her! I 'ave sent a boem to her. My messenger ought efen + now to be returned."</p> + + <p><i>Enter</i> GASPAR. "CLAUDE, your verses are + returned! With kicks! I could show the marks of them, + were it proper to do so in the presence of a mixed + audience!"</p> + + <p><i>Mother</i>. "Now you are cured, Claude."</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "So! I do sgatter her image to the winds. I + will peat her menial ruffians. I will do a fariety of + voolish actions. What 'ave we 'ere? A ledder? (<i>Reads + it</i>.) BEAUSEANT bromises I shall marry her! Oh! + refenge and lofe! I will marry her, and pully her + afterwards." (<i>Curtain</i>.)</p> + + <p><i>Young Lady, who reads Dickens</i>. "How sweet he + is! So romantic! I do love this sweet, lovely play so + much."</p> + + <p><i>Accompanying Young Man, who regards himself a + critic on the ground that he once knew a + ticket-speculator</i>. "Yes. It is one of the best plays + out. It's so full of gags, you know."</p> + + <p><i>Young Lady</i>. "Gags? What are they?"</p> + + <p><i>Accompanying young man, who, etc.</i> "Gags is the + professional name for nice tabloze. Scenes where they + stand round in good positions, you know."</p> + + <p><i>Enthusiastic Man, who has come in with a pass</i>. + "Well! I've never seen any acting like FECHTER'S before. + It's magnificent."</p> + + <p><i>Veteran Play-goer</i>. "I hope I'll never see + anything like it again. He reminds me of a bull with + delirium tremens in a china shop."</p> + + <p><i>Rest of the Audience</i>. "Only four more acts. + Thank goodness we've got through with one."</p> + + <p><i>Act II. Enter Uncertain People. They recite in a + timid and indistinct tone the prescribed fustian. They + are followed by</i> CLAUDE, PAULINE, <i>and + others</i>.</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "These are peautiful gartens. Who blanned + them?"</p> + + <p><i>Mdme.</i> DESCHAPPELLES. "A gardener named CLAUDE + MELNOTTE. He wrote verses to my daughter. Ha! ha! Also, + he! he!"</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "This GLAUDE must be a monsous imbudent + berson."</p> + + <p>PAULINE. "Sweet Prince, tell me again of thy palace by + the Lake of Como."</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "A balace lifting to eternal summer its marple + walls, from out a closuy power of goolest voliage, + musigal with pirds. Dost like the bigture?"</p> + + <p><i>Enter Mdme.</i> DESCHAPPELLES. "Oh! Prince, you + must fly. The minions of the Directory are laying for + you. Take my daughter; marry her, and go to Como." (<i>He + takes her and flies R.U.E. Curtain</i>.)</p> + + <p><i>Young Lady, who reads Dickens (wiping away the tear + of imbecility)</i>. "How sweet! how sweet!"</p> + + <p><i>Accompanying Young Man</i>. "Yes. It is so natural + and touching. I have never seen a finer actor behind the + footlights."</p> + + <p><i>Everybody else</i>. "Hey! What's that you say? + Asleep? Of course I wasn't."</p> + + <p><i>Act III. Enter Uncertain Persons as before. They + ultimately go out again. Applause. Enter</i> CLAUDE, + <i>his</i> MOTHER, <i>and</i> PAULINE.</p> + + <p><i>Mother</i>. "This young man is of poor but honest + parents. Know you not that you are wedded to my son, + CLAUDE MELNOTTE?"</p> + + <p>PAULINE. "Your son? Hold, hold me, somebody!"</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "Leave us, mutter. Have bity on us." (<i>The + old lady leaves</i>.)</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "Now, lady, 'ear me."</p> + + <p>PAULINE. "Hear thee? Her son! Do fiends usually + indulge in the luxury of parents? Speak!"</p> + + <p>CLAUDE. "Gurse me. Thy gurse would plast me less than + thy forgifeness." (<i>He rants in broken English with + unintelligible rapidity for next half-hour, until his + mother puts an end to the universal misery by carrying + Pauline off to bed. Curtain</i>.)</p> + + <p><i>Young Lady, who reads Dickens</i>. "Oh, how sweetly + pretty!"</p> + + <p><i>Accompanying Young Man</i>. "Yes. He is even a + better actor than MCKEAN BUCHANAN."</p> + + <p><i>Voices from all Parts of the House. "Let's go home. + I can't stand two more acts of this sort of + thing."</i></p> + + <p>One of these voices was the soft, silvery and modest + voice of MATADOR, who went out, and sitting upon a + convenient hydrant, (not one of the infamous cast-iron + abortions with an unpleasant knob on the cover,) + contemplated the midnight stars, and seriously meditated + upon Mr. FECHTER. And in spite of a previous unhesitating + belief in Mr. DICKENS' critical judgment, and in spite of + a desire to find in Mr. FECHTER the greatest actor of the + age, he could not perceive in what respect that + distinguished gentleman deserves his world-wide + reputation. Is his manner natural? Is his elocution even + tolerably good? Is his pronunciation of English words any + thing but barely intelligible? To these questions a + mental echo answered with a melancholy negative. And when + the occupant of the meditative hydrant demanded to know + what single merit could be found in Mr. FECHTER'S acting, + his only answer was a suggestion from a prosaic policeman + that he cease to put idiotic questions to the unoffending + lamp-post.</p> + + <p>There are those—and enough of them to fill any + theatre—who sincerely admire Mr. FECHTER; but it is + impossible to resist the conviction that their admiration + is only a dutiful acquiescence in the judgment of Mr. + DICKENS. With the utmost desire to do no injustice to a + genial gentleman, who conscientiously strives to carry + out his theories of what acting should be, the + undersigned is forced to confess that Mr. FECHTER in an + English play is a spectacle so hopelessly and earnestly + absurd, as to call for commiseration rather than for the + laughter which it would deserve were it professedly a + burlesque entertainment.</p> + + <p>MATADOR.</p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <table align="center" width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">EXCELSIOR.</p> + + <p><i>The Gold Hill Daily News</i>, of Nevada, has found + a big sapphire—a regular Koh-i-noor of gems. It + says:</p> + + <p>"While at San Francisco, a few weeks ago, we had the + pleasure of seeing the SANGALLI ballet troupe at + MAGUIRE'S Opera House, and the artistic, glowing beauties + of the Sapphire dance yet pleasurably linger in our + memory."</p> + + <p>The dance in question, which the Gold Hill editor + describes as "a higher order of the famous 'Can-can,'" is + new to us. It makes us feel "blue" to think that we have + never seen the Sapphire dance. "Higher" than the Can-can! + Good gracious! if heels go higher in the Sapphire than in + the Can-can, may we not be pardoned for inquiring, "What + next?"</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Nought for Nought.</p> + + <p>Alas! that poor SYPHER should Cipher to gala A seat he + must evermore Sigh for in vain; But why should we Sigh + for poor SYPHER'S defeat, When his friends couldn't + Cipher him into his seat.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="text-align: center;">Entered, according to Act + of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PUNCHINELLO + PUBLISHING COMPANY,<br> + in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United + States, for the Southern District of New-York.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">THE FINE ARTS IN + PHILADELPHIA</span><br> + + <p>PHILADELPHIA, April 12.</p> + + <p>Dear PUNCHINELLO: A few days since I received a card + of invitation for admission to a private view of a very fine + collection of pictures, by European and American artists. + I visited the galleries, accompanied by an amateur friend + who has a fine artistic education, having travelled some + six months on the Continent. Being engaged in the + picture-auction business, I am not altogether a tyro in + art, and determined to send you a few notes taken on the + spot, the combined effort of amateur friend and myself. + The walk to the gallery, extending over a half-hour in + time, was taken up by my amateur friend aforesaid, with + an endeavor to give me some general ideas, more than + initiative, with reference to art matters. For instance, + he said the public liked glitter and varnish in a + picture, but it does not follow on that account that the + picture is good. He then mentioned the + "Mimminée-Pimminée" style, and the + "Pre-Raffaelite" style, and the Rarée shows of + art, and I had the whole subject so jumbled up that my + artistic ideas became quite confused. He made a + quotation, giving me to understand that it was not + original; it ran as follows: "Indifferent pictures, like + dull people, must be absolutely moral." I am not + sufficiently informed to quite comprehend this selection + from another man, but as we were at the time about + entering the galleries, I remained quietly + ignorant. + + <p>The first picture that attracted our admiration was a + "Sheep scene," by Lambdin. Every particular hair on the + old ram is well made out. The frame on the picture is + beautifully embossed, with a rich velvet border of + sea-green mandarin pattern.</p> + + <p>The next picture worthy of notice is a "Street in + Venice," by Canal-etti—a singular specimen of this + artist's first manner. The figure at the crossing is + rendered with great feeling. It is needless to mention + that the street is covered with water, which is + beautifully clear and transparent, showing the depth of + mud and slime during the dry season. The frame is + ornamented with flowers in relief, and gilt in the very + best manner.</p> + + <p>"A Musical Party," by Bass-ano, is very highly + finished, especially the party, who have evidently been + inhaling stimulants. This picture is painted on a gold + ground, and is considered a rare specimen of Italian art. + It was formerly in the Campo-Santo-di-Pisa + collection.</p> + + <p>The frame is the blue-lotus pattern, very curiously + gilt and chased. This style of frame would sell without + difficulty.</p> + + <p>The picture called the "Star of the East," by WEST, + has a scolloped frame in the Tuscan style, with extra + fine enamelling. This is a very singular picture. It must + be admitted that this frame is finished with great + care.</p> + + <p>There is a frame made from a curious kind of wood, on + a picture by CONSTABLE, entitled the "Midnight Arrest." + The picture is certainly a matchless gem, very low in + tone. The mosaic border to the frame is quite unique in + its design.</p> + + <p>Among the works by American artists, we notice some + remarkably fine productions. The picture by a lady + amateur, entitled, "The Toilet of a Girl of the Period," + demonstrates the progress our artists are making in genre + painting. The subject is rendered with great purity of + feeling, and the smelling-bottle in the foreground adds + greatly to the spirit of the composition. The frame is + highly ornamented with scarce Japan gold, elaborately + chased in a superior manner.</p> + + <p>There is a picture by Miss T——n, called the + "Blonde's Revenge," that evinces talent of a superior + order. This picture has been noticed by various New-York + and Western journals, but I do not consider with any + degree of justice to its surpassing merits. The color is + equal to a beautifully polished Pompeiian brass + door-plate; the drawing is immense, though truth must + compel us to say that the costumes are rather slighted. + The principal figure of the group, which is taken from a + French model, seems to stand right out from the canvas; + this I consider a very high point of excellence. Visitors + should be cautioned against approaching this picture.</p> + + <p>I regret that time will not permit me to give you any + further notice of this collection, but I will endeavor to + get my amateur friend to go often and obtain notes for + me. Unless I accompany him, however, I fear he will not + pay sufficient attention to the frames.</p> + + <p>Yours, G.</p><br> + + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Cometh Up as a + Flower."</span></p> + + <p>Very likely it does; but there is one thing that don't + go down as the Flour—and that's the price of + bread.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ASTRONOMICAL + CONVERSATIONS.</p> + + <p>[BY A FATHER AND DAUGHTER RESIDING ON THE PLANET + VENUS.]</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">No. II.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> OH, FATHER, what funny things are caused by + the revolution of a planet!</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Well, revolutions are not always such funny + things, as those wretched creatures on the earth up there + must have found out by this time.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> How dry you are, pa! I didn't mean the + revolutions on a planet, but the revolutions of a + planet.</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Well, a distinction, I admit. But what are + you driving at?</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Several things. For instance, seven + revolutions of the planet Earth produce a new number of + PUNCHINELLO—a funny thing, as you often say + yourself.</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Well put, truly.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> And seven revolutions also give rise to the + Revolution itself, which (being a woman all Right in head + and heart) I regard as about the funniest thing + going.</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> "Funny," child? Why, I never saw any thing + less so. It is dreadfully serious. It is even sanguinary; + sadder still, abusive and vulgar. What is there comical + about coarseness?</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> You don't take my idea, father. It is funny, + because it assumes so much. It does not realize that + womanly modesty is the great obstacle to its success, and + that if it was as well endowed with that quality as the + average of American women, it would promptly cease to + revolve.</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Why, HELENE! what has set you off? Where did + you pick up this nonsense? What can you possibly know of + Women's Rights, as I believe they call the new + Movement?</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Why shouldn't I know something about it, + when it has been in your mouth for months? And ain't I a + woman? Besides, don't we women know some things by + instinct?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Well, well, child! I wish you could know + Astronomy by instinct; for I begin to see I've a job + before me, if only to keep you to the point.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> The Compass-point, do you mean, father?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> No; the Study-point. Do you call this + studying Astronomy?</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> I think, pa, I like the practical part + best.</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Ah, that which allows you to study the + Fashions in Broadway! Well, woman is woman, I believe, + the Universe over! But, come; a short lesson, to begin + with. Here is a fine view of Saturn, with his Rings.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> "Rings?" Are they anything like the New-York + Rings you have read about?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Well, yes; no, not exactly; but a Ring + within a Ring, is a phrase that applies to both subjects, + just now.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Oh, pshaw! I thought you meant finger-rings! + What does Saturn want of Rings?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> And what does New-York want of 'em. They are + there, and there they'll stay!</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> But I mean, what does a gentleman want of + rings?</p> + + <p>F. Don't we find, every where, that the most + Saturnine, the dullest, and stupidest, and lowest, are + generally the fondest of this sort of ornament?</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Oh, dear! Father, how you do try me! (Do see + him, gazing away, when he knows I'm dying to get a + squint! He pays me no more attention than though I was a + mere ANTHONY! Why, what ails him?) Father! Father, dear! + what—what's the matter? Why are you crying?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Come here, and look; quick! Oh, HELENE; + isn't it horrible?</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Why—what is it, father? Console yourself; + it is a good way off to say the least! [Looks a moment.] + Why, it's those savage Freedmen, I do declare! about to + sacrifice that amiable-looking white! A tender-looking + man; is he what they call a Ku—Ku—</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Klux? Oh, no. That is a Missionary; and the + blacks are not Freedmen, as you suppose, but Cannibals. + They are about to roast him. You see the fire?</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Oh, quite distinctly! look, father!—he is + making a sign to them. What does it mean?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> [Looking.] It means that he has lost the use + of his tongue—probably from fright—but would like to + write something.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Like so many other tongue-tied scribblers! + Do they let him?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Oh, yes; they bring a board, and a piece of + chalk.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> How large is the piece?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> The usual size. He is writing.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> What does the poor fellow say?</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> He is laconic. He merely writes—</p> + + <p>COOK ME RARE.</p> + + <p><i>D.</i> Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!</p> + + <p><i>F.</i> Boo-hoo-hoo-too!</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">WHAT I KNOW ABOUT FREE + TRADE.</p> + + <p>DEAR PUNCHINELLO: In a paper of such great influence + as PUNCHINELLO, vast subjects should be set before the + community. I know of none vaster than Free Trade. You + see, every body understands that subject and nobody can + explain it. I propose, therefore, to turn the light of my + penny dip upon it, and to set forth, in concise language, + what I know about free trade.</p> + + <p>It must be premised that there is a great deal to be + said on the other side, and that nothing can be more + abominable than free trade to a protectionist, unless it + be protection to a free trader. Free trade is—well—free + trade is—well—let me illustrate: cigars made out of + cabbages are not nice; not to put too fine a point upon + it, they're nasty. We are greater at raising cabbages + than we are at sprouting cigar tobacco. Under these + circumstances the free trader (he's a smoker, or if he + isn't, his aunt or sister is) says we want Havana cigars + to enter our lips without the taint of revenue. That's + free trade.</p> + + <p>Every youth is a free trader. Don't you remember your + own youthful follies? If you are of the male persuasion, + would you have traded your jack-knife for TOM SMITH'S + bull-pup, if there had been a tariff on the pup. Or, if + you are of the feminine persuasibility, would you have + swapped your crying-doll for BETSY JONSES' ring-tailed + cat, if the cat had been compelled to crawl through the + custom-house and pay duties? Besides, don't you remember + how often your mother deprived you of a second cup of + tea, on the plea that it would injure your health? Much + as I respect your mamma, I can not refrain from informing + you that that plea was false, and that it was the absence + of free trade that deprived you of a second cup of China + whiskey. Then you know that the lump-sugar, the raisins, + the cake, etc., were always locked up in a pantry. All + the result, my dear sir, of an absence of free trade.</p> + + <p>Now that you have grown up, the result is the same. + You must have your soup, and (I do not mean to be + pathetic) what is soup without salt? You must travel on + the cars, but what are cars without rails? But, alas, + salt and rails are in the black list. What do you care, + whether or not TOM JONES and BILLY BROWN make money out + of their salt and iron mines? You want cheap soup and + cheap riding. Then every time that you pay one hundred + dollars for your wife's dry-goods, you have the ecstatic + pleasure of knowing that you are paying fifty dollars + because Mr. JOHN ROBINSON can't make goods as cheap as + the English manufacturers.</p> + + <p>In the natural state, man is a free trader. When our + good Christian brethren give an Indian a string of beads + for a buffalo-skin, the Indian charges no custom duties. + He don't want to keep beads out of his country. When LOT + swapped his wife away for a pillar of salt, the trade was + free. When the Americans traded away good ships and + cargoes for Alabama claims, not a word was said about the + tariff. These, however, are cases in which nature rather + gets ahead of civilization.</p> + + <p>See the result of the lack of free trade in our + country. The brick manufacturers must be protected, so a + heavy tariff was placed on the foreign article. Our brick + men, finding that they had a soft thing, tried to solve + that conundrum which the Israelites gave up: "How do you + make bricks without straw?" They made a patent brick, + built the Howard Museum in Washington, (was it a museum + or a college?) the thing tumbled down, and a + Congressional committee sat among its ruins. Poor Gen. + HOWARD is in a muddle, and wishes, from the bottom of his + heart, that we had free trade in bricks.</p> + + <p>Then, morally, see the high position of the free + trader. Poor men who must have tea or cigars or English + or French manufactures, are never driven to smuggling, + where free trade prevails. The free trader would even + abolish the tariff of two dollars and a half, imposed on + human chattels who land at Castle Garden.</p> + + <p>That's all I know about free trade. I thought I knew + more. I'm afraid I haven't illuminated the subject; + however, I will turn my lantern next week on + protection.</p> + + <p>LOT.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p>Illustration: <b>SHOCKING AFFAIR.</b></p> + + <p><i>First Heavy Swell.</i> "WHAT'S THE MATTER, OLD + FELLOW?—UNDER THE WEATHER, EH?"</p> + + <p><i>Second ditto.</i> "WORSE THAN THAT. <i>I've burst + my shirt-collar!</i>"</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">OUR FOREIGN + CORRESPONDENCE.</p> + + <p>(BY ATLANTIC CABLE.)</p> + + <p>Your representative's little speech at the great + PUNCHINELLO dinner may be better imagined than described. + A few words, however, may give you its <i>animus</i>.</p> + + <p>"If," said I, "in this illustrious company, one may + indulge in a Wellerism"—</p> + + <p>"Spell it with a we, sir, if you please," whispered + SAMIVEL, who stood right behind me.</p> + + <p>I resumed. "I have to say, that my feelings at this + hour are too many for me. Perhaps I might add, that the + courses have been so also. As my friend SOYER used to + observe when we were together in the Crimea, astronomical + and gastronomical laws are alike fixed. And one of them + is, that the precession of the dinner-plates, and the + nutation of the glasses, do not promote the music of the + spheres. But, Mr. PUNCH and gentlemen, although not one + of the heavenly bodies, indeed altogether terrestrial, + one feels, naturally, rounder in his orbit, and a little + more likely to see stars, after such a dinner as this, + than before. Do I not, indeed, see around me now, all the + stars of the intellectual firmament? Are not SIRIUS and + ARCTURUS here, in their glory, as well as ORION and the + rest? As my old friend CRISPIN would say, their name is + legion! I would blaze, gentlemen, too, if possible, in + honor of the occasion; but, as I can't Comet, meteors + fall in lamentation of my poor ability.</p> + + <p>"The day we celebrate is truly a great one. Since the + time of OLAF, the Northman, our Anglo-Saxon-Celtic race + has loved its jesting philosophers. No fools are they, in + fact, even when to that name they 'stoop to conquer.'</p> + + <div style="margin-left: 40px;"> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">'The wise man's folly + is anatomized</span><br> + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">Even by the + squand'ring glances of the fool.'</span> + </div> + + <p>"The sundry contemplation of my travels, in which my + often rumination wraps me, is a most humorous + sadness.</p> + + <p>"But, gentlemen, your walls have, if not ears, + tongues, to recall the glorious humor and wit of our + race. HOGARTH looks down upon us. ADDISON tells us of + dear old Sir ROGER de COVERLEY; I am sure he must have + been the grandfather of Mr. PICKWICK. STERNE makes us + weep on one side and smile on the other, at the mention + of my UNCLE TOBY; GOLDSMITH, at the remembrance of + himself. And so does TOM HOOD, the prince of humorists. + THACKERAY we all remember; and neither he nor his Vanity + Fair will ever be forgotten. DOUGLAS JERROLD, and JOHN + LEECH, too—the only tears they ever made men shed were + at their graves. And who can fail to feel like a + "pendulum betwixt a smile and tear," when he remembers + our ARTEMUS WARD? Over the water now we have some yet; of + whom we count "the TWAIN one;" and we can get up as good + BILLINGS-gate as ever went to market. Then, for right + Saxon wit, have we not SAXE himself? And, for the + luminous, PETROLEUM, the ex-postmaster of the + Cross-roads?</p> + + <p>"I represent a name, gentlemen, new with us, yet old + in Europe. You are well aware that, in Italy"—</p> + + <p>"<i>That</i> might 'uv been tuk for granted; as the + donkey said ven his dam called him a hass"—whispered, + rather loudly, SAMIVEL, behind me.</p> + + <p>Now whether it was the Thames atmosphere that had got + into my head, or whether it was SAM WELLER'S unexpected + remark, I am unable, to this day, to say. But, somehow or + other, my speech had, by this time, gone up. So I went + down. If the speech was a rocket, I represented a stick. + Perhaps JENKINS may yet wake up to the importance to the + civilization of the century of reporting in full CHARLES + DICKENS' speech, and BULWER'S, and the rest. If so, I + will send them on. PUNCHINELLO, however, was honored as + he deserves, at this dinner. Now for a little serious + news.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">GREAT BRITAIN.</p> + + <p>JOHN SMITH, Esq., (son of the <i>elder</i> Smith,) + finds it necessary to contradict the rumor that he is + going to the United States. He is fearful lest there may, + possibly, be another person of the same name in America; + which might cause confusion.</p> + + <p>On dit that one of VICTORIA'S daughters was to be + engaged to be married to a young member of the house of + ORANGE. But it is believed now to have been a sour + orange.</p> + + <p>Rev. Mr. MACKONOCHIE has been warned by the Bishop of + London that he must reform his ritual, in some + particulars. The Bishop is especially incensed at the + censer; and waxes censorious about the wax lights. He + insists that Father MACKONOCHIE must use Stearine or + Spermaceti. Moreover, when water is mixed with wine, it + must not come from the East River; and the wine must be + red. Blue wine will do if he can find any.</p> + + <p>Church parties are much excited about Mr. MIALL'S + Church-liberation scheme. But why so? Will not any Rev. + who has a living, say, "Who takes my living takes away + <i>my all!</i>" A bad pun; but a good argument. They + should not <i>miaul</i> about it, at any rate.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FRANCE.</p> + + <p>PIERRE BONAPARTE has gone to be king of the Feejee + Islands. It has been stipulated that he shall not shoot + more than one man in a month; and part of the tenderloin + is to be given always to his Majesty's Prime + Minister.</p> + + <p>M. GUERRONIER'S remark in the Senate, April 19th, + requires explanation. He said that "Europe can be + tranquil only when France is satisfied." He was alluding + to the necessity of an early supply of copies of + PUNCHINELLO; without which that excitable population can + not be kept in a satisfactory state. I have made + arrangements to have them forwarded accordingly.</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">GERMANY.</p> + + <p>POTOCKIS, new Minister of Public Instruction, has + offered his resignation. The reason is that a deputation + of the professors and teachers called on him to say that + it would take their pupils a year to learn how to spell + his name. It is TSCHABUSHNIGG. —PRIME.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <p><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">POOR CAPTAIN + EYRE.</span></p> + + <p>It is really outrageous to find fault with poor + Captain EYRE. If ever a man had a full and perfect + defence to the accusations which are made against him, + EYRE is that man. Not content with offering one excuse, + he offers a large and varied assortment of excuses, any + one of which ought to be quite satisfactory. For example + he asserts:</p> + + <p>That instead of running into the Oneida, the Oneida + ran into him.</p> + + <p>That his ship struck the Oneida so lightly that he + never knew there had been any collision.</p> + + <p>That he saw the Oneida just after he had run into her, + and that she did not appear to have lost any thing but + her skylights.</p> + + <p>That he stopped his engines and blew his whistle, in + order to show that he was ready to offer any needed + assistance to the Oneida.</p> + + <p>That the reason why he did not stop his engines and + offer assistance, was that the collision had so injured + his own ship that he thought best to make at once for the + nearest port.</p> + + <p>That he never dreamed that any assistance was wanted, + and therefore did not offer it.</p> + + <p>That he would have gone to the assistance of the + Oneida had not one of his lady passengers been so + frightened by the collision that she begged him to make + all possible speed to land her.</p> + + <p>That not a single one of his passengers knew there had + been a collision, so light was the shock of the + contact.</p> + + <p>That it was only a Yankee ship, any how, and that it + is all "blarsted" nonsense to make a fuss about it.</p> + + <p>Captain EYRE has returned to England, and asks, on the + above grounds, that he be reinstated in command of his + ship. It would be absurd to refuse so just a request. His + defence could not well be more full unless he were to + strengthen it with an alibi. If Mr. SOLOMON PELL still + pursues the practice of the law, Captain EYRE should at + once employ that eminent barrister to prove an alibi for + him. His justification would then be too conclusive to + admit of question.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">CRITICISM OF THE + PERIOD.</p> + + <p>[AFTER THE MANNER OF THE "NATION."]</p> + + <p><i>Milton's Paradise Lost.</i>—The demand for a new + edition of this cumbrous piece of blank verse, proves + what we have often said, that the want, in CROMWELLS + time, of a literary journal of the character of the + <i>Nation</i> has had a permanent effect upon literature. + Had we been in existence when that obstinate and pedantic + old Puritan wrote, we might have suppressed him. Still, + there is no knowing what women and children will not + read. While MILTON'S lines certainly measure generally + about the same length, it is preposterous to call by the + name of poetry what could be written in prose with so + little modification. It is true that the same objection + might be applied to HOMER and SHAKSPEARE. The former has + the advantage of being written in Greek, so that very few + people can read it. SHAKSPEARE has a popularity that is + partly accounted for by the low taste of the people who + have gone to the theatre to hear SIDDONS rave and GARRICK + declaim, or who will persist in admiring MACREADY and + BOOTH.</p> + + <p>As to MILTON, we have detected, with the aid of + foot-notes to an old edition, a multitude of the most + absolute plagiarisms from various authors. From the Bible + mainly, and also from the Greek and Latin poets, he has + taken nearly all his ideas; and every one of the words he + uses are to be found in the dictionary. Talk of + originality, after that! His conceptions also are + sometimes absurd; for instance, the Address to Light. No + one, who has not been stultified by theological + nebulosities, ought to fail to know, as <i>we</i> knew + when we first began to go to school, that a blind man + cannot see anything at all. Therefore it is an insult to + the understanding, and paltering with all the rational + inductions of modern science, for an educated writer, + stone blind, to say a word about light.</p> + + <p>In fact, the whole plot of the poem flies in the face + of the cultivation of the Nineteenth Century. Such ideas + as Paradise, Adam and Eve, and angels, are getting + obsolete. While it is not to be expected that ordinary + persons should have the intelligence or learning of the + Editor and contributors of the <i>Nation</i>, we yet + wonder that they are not always ready to abide by the + instruction we are prepared to give them, at the small + price of five dollars a year. Subscriptions received at + this office.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">INTERIOR ILLUMINATION.</p> + + <p>It gives us joy to state that the celebrated Dr. MILIO + (of whom we have never heard before) has invented a means + of illuminating men's interiors. The doctor lives in + Russia; and he takes you and throws inside of you "a + concentrated beam of electric light;" and then he sees + exactly what particular pill you want, and he gives it to + you, and you go away (after paying him) exultant! This + quite does away with the necessity of a bow-window in the + bosom, so much desired by a certain ancient + philosopher.</p> + + <p>Mr. PUNCHINELLO begs leave most respectfully to + announce that he has determined to import, at any expense + whatever, one of Dr. MILIO'S Concentrated Electric + Beamers. With this Dr. PUNCHINELLO does not intend to + engage in private practice. His purpose is to throw the + light directly into the Body Politic, whether the B.P. + requests him to do it or not. Dr. P. confidently expects + to make some most extraordinary discoveries of various + diseases—of greed, foolish ambition, ossification of the + heart, moral leprosy, chronic stupidity, latent idiocy, + and that very common and often unsuspected complaint + usually known as Humbug. (<i>Humbugna Communis</i>.) His + fee in no case will exceed ten cents per week; and + patients WILL BE illuminated by the year.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE DREADFUL STATE OF + THINGS OUT WEST.</p> + + <p>A dispatch received at this office from the office of + the <i>Chicago Tribune</i> states that the utmost public + distress is prevailing in St. Louis. A frightful + pestilence is raging, complete anarchy prevails, most of + the merchants have gone into insolvency, and ruin stares + St. Louis in the face in the most aggravating way.</p> + + <p>A dispatch from the <i>St. Louis Democrat</i> states + that the utmost public distress is prevailing in Chicago. + A frightful pestilence is raging, complete anarchy + prevails, most of the merchants have gone into + insolvency, etc., etc.</p> + + <p>A dispatch, from the <i>Cincinnati Gazette</i> states + that the utmost public distress is prevailing in both, + St. Louis and Chicago. A frightful pestilence is raging, + complete anarchy prevails, most of the merchants have + gone into insolvency, etc., etc., etc.</p> + + <p>The most painful part of the matter, in Mr. + PUNCHINELLO'S benevolent eyes, is that each city appears + to be perfectly delighted with the misfortunes and + miseries of both the others. Instead of getting up + subscriptions for each other, they chuckle and crow in a + perfectly fiendish manner. Until they can behave better, + we shall postpone the subscription which we propose to + open in their behalf.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p>Illustration: <b>PERSONAL GOSSIP.</b><br> + (From the Daily Press.)<br> + "THE WINNER OF A $25,000 PRIZE IN THE HAVANA LOTTERY<br> + IS A BOOT-BLACK OF BROOKLYN."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A Capital Letter.</p> + + <p>The property-holder who Lets his houses at reduced + rents.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p>Illustration: <b>A TOUCHING INCIDENT IN CONGRESS.</b></p> + + <p>THE RECONCILIATION BETWEEN GENERAL BUTLER AND + GENERAL<br> + SCHENCK, ON THE SUBJECT OF THE TARIFF BILL.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">COLONEL FISK'S + SOLILOQUY.</p> + + <p>THE NINTH TEMPTATION.</p>Would I were young enough, to + go to school,<br> + Or could but pitch upon some golden rule<br> + For knowing what I am, and what to do,<br> + When to the public gaze I am on view.<br> + I'm Colonel, Admiral, and President,<br> + A theatre manager, and resident<br> + Director of the Opera House, and mine<br> + Are Erie and the Boston steamboat line.<br> + Of merchant, banker, broker, every shade<br> + Am I; in fact, a Jack of every trade.<br> + More varied than the hues of the Chameleon;<br> + Far heavier than Ossa piled on Pelion<br> + Are all my duties! Really it's confusing,<br> + At times, to a degree that's quite amusing.<br> + When am I this, when that, when which, when what?<br> + And am I always FISK, or am I not?<br> + Thus, constantly I get into a fix,<br> + And one thing with another sadly mix;<br> + Many a time absurd mistakes I've made<br> + In giving orders. When I'm on Parade,<br> + And ought to say, "Fours Right," by Jove! I'm certain<br> + To holloa out, "Come, hurry up that curtain!"<br> + Going to Providence the other night,<br> + I ordered all the hands, "Dress to the Right!"<br> + I saw my error, and called out again,<br> + "Hold on! I meant to say, The Ladies' Chain."<br> + At Matinée the other afternoon,<br> + When all the violins seemed well in tune,<br> + I sang out to the Bell Boy, "What's the hitch?<br> + If the Express is due, you'd better switch!"<br> + My order seemed the boy to overwhelm—<br> + "Lubber!" I cried, "why don't you port your helm?"<br> + I made a speech the other night at mess,<br> + And what my toast was, nobody will guess;<br> + It should have been, "The Union"—'twas, "Be cheery,<br> + Boys! the toast we have to drink is—Erie."<br> + The boys laughed loudly, being the right, sort,<br> + And said, "Why, Admiral! you're hard a <i>port</i>."<br> + One time, when GOULD and I were on the cars,<br> + I thought th' officials of the train were tars;<br> + Told them to "Coil that rope and clean the scuppers,<br> + And then go down below and get your suppers."<br> + This must be changed, or my good name will suffer,<br> + And folks will say, JIM FISK is but a duffer.<br> + To feel myself a fool and lose my head,<br> + Too, takes the gilding off the gingerbread;<br> + And makes me ask myself the reason why<br> + On earth I have so many fish to fry?<br> + The fact is, what I touch must have a risk<br> + Of failure, or it wouldn't suit JIM FISK,<br> + I'll conquer this, too—keep a secretary<br> + To help me out when I'm in a quandary.<br> + I will not budge! My banner is unfurled,<br> + Proclaiming FISK the Problem of the world.<br> + <br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>Query for Lawyers.</b></p> + + <p>If a man throws a huge stone at his wife's head, would + he escape punishment on the plea that he only meant to + Rock her to sleep?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>A Spring Blossom.</b></p> + + <p>Blossom Rock, in San Francisco Harbor, has just been + blown up with gunpowder. Of course Blossom Rock went "up + as a Flower".</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <p><b>Justice in the New Territory.</b></p> + + <p>Whatever lack of law there may be in Alaska, + PUNCHINELLO is quite sure that there is Just-ice enough + in that domain to satisfy all demands.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <p><b>A Rumor.</b></p> + + <p>It is rumored that the Fenian Organization have + offered Mr. FECHTER the position of Head Centre, in + recognition of the merciless manner in which he mangles + the Queen's English.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p>Illustration: <b>THE FINANCIAL INQUISITION.</b></p> + + <p><i>Grand Inquisitor</i>, U. S. GRANT. <i>Associate + Inquisitors</i>, G. S. BOUTWELL, F.E. SPINNER, JOHN + SHERMAN. <b>Executioner</b>, C. DELANO.</p> + + <p>ASSOCIATE SHERMAN. "WELL, UNCLE SAM DOES STAND A GOOD + DEAL OF PRESSURE. EXECUTIONER, KEEP PILING THE WEIGHTS + ON."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">NOW WE SHALL HAVE IT.</p> + + <p>It has always been one of the sorrows of our life that + we were prevented (by business) from being present at the + building of the Tower of Babel. To say nothing of the + great knowledge which we should have acquired of the + ancient languages, it would have been jolly to have + marked the foreman of the works swearing at the laborers + in Syriac, while they answered him in Hebrew, Chaldee, + and the Chinese tongue. However, as a next best thing, we + shall attend the meeting of the American Woman Suffrage + Association, which will be held in Washington during the + next session of Congress. We have as much regard as any + body for the drums of our ears; but for the sake of a new + sensation, we shall be willing to risk them. We can + imagine at this moment, the astounding effect of the + Grand Double Palaver! All the Senators and + Representatives are either barking, or bawling, or + screaming, or shouting, or yelling in the Capitol, while, + to complete the elocutionary duet, all the American women + are simultaneously indulging the unruly and unbridled + member. What the precise effect will be we don't profess + to say; but we confidently predict some valuable + discovery in the science of acoustics.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FORTY-FOUR TO FOURTEEN.</p> + + <p>[IN WHICH THE YOUNG MEN OF THE PERIOD ARE TAKEN IN + HAND.]</p> + + <p>Forty-four is going to talk (with a pen) to Fourteen. + I am a female; and forty-four, as just hinted, is my age. + Fourteen is also a female—just the age I was once. How I + recollect that day! I was full of romance and hope; now + I've no romance, little hope, and some wrinkles. It is a + fine thing to be fourteen. I should like to go back + there, and make a long visit. But that can't be. How much + I wish it could! If only there were life-renewers as well + as hair-renewers! They called me pretty at fourteen—said + I had pretty ways, (one of them was one hundred and + thirty-five avoirdupois,) and would certainly be a belle. + But I proved too much for that. One hundred and + seventy-five cut off all hope. I sighed, ate nothing, + studied poetry, did a good deal of melancholy by + moonlight and otherwise, but nothing came of it. I made + myself as agreeable as possible; but it was the old + story—I was too much for 'em—I mean the young men of + the period. I dressed and gave parties. I took lessons in + singing of Sig. Folderol, and in dancing of Mons. + Pigeonwing, and could sing cavatinas and galop galops + with the best of them. Ma said I was an angel, and Pa + declared I was perfect. But none of the young men said + so. My dear Fourteen, it may be just so with you. Your ma + and pa may say you are angelic and perfect; but where's + the use of it, if nobody else can be made to see it? I + tried my best to catch the young men in my net. But, + provoking things, they wouldn't be caught. Between + ourselves—mind, don't blab it out—young men are the + greatest noodles that were ever put upon the face of the + earth. I never yet saw one that could be depended upon to + stand by. I am sure, as you know, no one ever stood by + me—when there was a parson at hand. At fourteen I didn't + much care where they stood, if it wasn't on my corns. + Twenty years later I shouldn't have been so particular. + But I don't much mind now, bless you! You wont at + forty-four. There's nothing to these young men. All talk, + pretence, audacity, and paper collar, I assure you. I've + studied all of them. They are the same now as then. Human + nature, you know, my dear Fourteen, is the same + yesterday, to-day, and week after next. I used to think + it wasn't; now I know it is. These young men—monsters + that they are—will pour the nectar of compliments over + your face, and the acid and canker of abuse down your + back; and all in the same breath, if they get a chance. + Pray have an eye and an ear out for them. If you go to + Long Branch, or Newport, or Saratoga, or the White + Mountains this summer, just look out for them. They are + dreadful creatures at home in the cities, but doubly + dreadful at these resorts. You are young, simple, + unsophisticated. I was at your age. But I soon got over + such weaknesses. You must very soon, or be a ninny. + "Simple," "artless," "unsophisticated," and such terms + mean simply softness. Whatever else you are, or are not, + don't be soft. The mistake of my fruitless life has been + that I believed, in other years, all that was told me by + the other sex. They said to my face that I was a beauty; + at Mr. Jones's, they said I was a fright. They said I + sang like a Patti; at Brown's, I screeched like an owl. + They said I danced like Terpsichore; at Smith's, they + declared I wabbled round like any other lame duck. They + said my taste in dress was the pink of perfection; at the + Duzenbury's, I was scandalously deficient in every thing + of the sort. It's a way the young men of that day had + with all the girls; and they go the same vile way now. + Pray don't have any thing to do with them. I don't, and I + wouldn't for the world. Folks say I'm prejudiced against + em; but it isn't so—I hate 'em. It is healthy to hate + what is hateful. It is healthy to hate a bundle of + broadcloth, kerseymere, buttons, and brass, and it's my + delight by day and dream by night. I'm forty-four—you're + fourteen. I've seen the world—you haven't. You look + through rosy glasses; I through the clear, naked eye. My + advice to you on the young men question is this: Discount + nine words in every ten spoken to you as absolute + trash—the gush of mere evaporative sentiment. If you are + called pretty, graceful, accomplished, neat in dress, + comely in person, that your eyes sparkle like diamonds, + and your lips are poetic, with whole volumes of such, + just make up your mind that there are plenty of fools + around trying to make a sillier one than themselves. It + may seem very fine for the moment, but it will realize + something very different afterward. Suppose you are not + caught up? All the better. I'm forty-four, independent, + free, a slave to no man nor monkey. Better live, to write + your own tale than be the abject one to another. Better + be forty-four and yourself, than a cipher belonging to + some body else. Far better beware of the young men than + be worn by them. At least so thinks and says</p> + + <p>FORTY-FOUR.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A NEW RAILWAY PROJECT.</p> + + <p>While every one agrees that a railway running through + the city of New-York, and transporting passengers with + rapidity from one end of the island to the other, is an + absolute necessity, no one has yet hit upon a plan which + satisfies the public. The Society for the Prevention of + Cruelty to Animals objects to the Elevated Road, on the + ground (though it is in the air) that the cars will + continually run off the track, and, falling on the horses + and dogs in the street below, crush them to a fatal + jelly. The Arcade plan is objectionable to the + shop-keepers, inasmuch as it will change the great + thoroughfare into a street consisting exclusively of + cellars, thereby driving the buyers elsewhere. + Conservative people, who like old things, naturally + dislike the Pneumatic Railway, and vehemently assert that + "they'll be blowed if they travel over it," which will + undoubtedly prove to be true. Evidently a new plan must + be devised if every body is to be satisfied. That plan + PUNCHINELLO rather flatters himself that he has + invented.</p> + + <p>It does not seem to have yet occurred to any one that + we are not necessarily shut up to the single plan of + fitting a railway to the city. Why can we not fit the + city to the railway? Every body remembers that when the + Mountain wouldn't come to MOHAMED, that eminent preacher + went to the mountain. Here we have a precedent worth + following, To build any sort of railway in New-York will + take time and money. Why, then, should we do it when + there are plenty of nice railways already built in every + part of the country? There is a very nice railway + completed and in running order from Pokertown, in Montana + territory, to Euchrebend, just across the line in Idaho. + All we have to do is to box up our buildings, together + with the Central Park, the sewers, the docks, and the + Tammany Hall General Committee, and express them through + to Pokertown. The city can then be set up on each side of + the Pokertown and Euchrebend Railway, and then we shall + have the desired state of things—a railway running + through the heart of our city. This plan is both novel + and easy. At all events it is easy of execution in + comparison with the Arcade plan, and it presents no + features to which any one can reasonably object. Drawings + of the city as it will appear when this plan has been + carried out are now in process of publication, and will + soon be for sale at this office. (N. B.—Shares in the + Pokertown and Euchrebend Railway, and lost along the + route of that admirable road, also for sale on + application to the gentleman whose able pen presents this + scheme to our readers.)</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">"Curses Come Home," + etc.</p> + + <p>The gay young men of New-York are said to be terribly + addicted to the use of <i>absinthe</i>. They pick up the + vice in Paris, and hence arises the singular paradox + that, even after they return home, they still continue to + be Absinthees.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A Logical Sequence.</p> + + <p>Paper made from wood cannot be claimed as a modern + invention, for Log books, as every body knows, have been + used by mariners since ever so long ago.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p>Illustration: <b>MODERN MATRIMONY.</b></p> + + <p>Young Wife. "YES, DEAR, MY HUSBAND IS ALL I COULD WISH + HIM TO BE."</p> + + <p>Husband (who is making bread in the back room). "I + WISH I COULD SAY AS MUCH FOR HER."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">ABOUT A BLOCK.</p> + + <p>A "COUNTRYMAN" writes to us, asking whether the + extension of "Murderer's Block" is among the current city + improvements, He says that, on recently visiting this + city, he had great difficulty in determining the exact + locality of the sanctuary in question. Some said it was + in the Eighth Ward; others located it in the Seventeenth. + A policeman in East Houston street, in reply to the + query, "Which is Murderer's Block?" waved his hand with a + gesture indicative of unlimited space, and said, "You are + on it." Not pleased with the impeaching tone of this + reply, our informant made his way to another ward, where + he put the same question to the first policeman who came + along. Without giving him a direct reply, the officer + winked, shifted his quid of tobacco so as to display his + Check to full advantage, and pointed with his thumb over + his shoulder at indefinite city "slums" behind him. Let + the "Countryman" understand that, as things are at + present, he may stand almost any where in the city and be + within a marble-shot of "Murderer's Block." Perhaps + Superintendent JOURDAN is quite aware of this.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Neptunian.</p> + + <p>Is it correct to speak of the waters of the Black Sea + as the colored element?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">SONG OF THE RETURNED + SOLDIER.</p> + + <p>[WITH REMARKS BY PUNCHINELLO.]</p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">I'll hang my harp on the + willow-tree,</span><br> + + <p><i>(And that's a very sensible thing for him to do. A + hand-organ is what he wants now.)</i></p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">And I'll off to the wars + again;</span><br> + + <p><i>(Not much. A fellow with only one leg, and perhaps + but half the regulation number of arms, is not wanted in + the ranks.)</i></p> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">My + peaceful home has no charms for me,</span><br> + + <p><i>(Of course not. He gave up his home and business to + go to the wars, and he can't expect to have all these + things when he comes back again, you know.)</i></p> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">The battle-field no + pain.</span><br> + + <p><i>(A great many other fellows besides him found the + battle-field no payin' place.)</i></p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">The country I love stands up in her + pride,</span><br> + + <p><i>(That's so. He's right this time.)</i></p> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">With a diadem on her + brow;</span><br> + + <p><i>(Referring probably to what SUMNER calls the "dire + Democracy.")</i></p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">Oh! why did she flatter my boyish + pride?</span><br> + + <p><i>(Because she wanted men; that's all.)</i></p> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She is going to leave me + now!</span><br> + + <p><i>(By no means. He can play his organ on the corner + as long as he wants to.)</i></p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">She took me away from my child and + wife,</span><br> + + <p><i>(That was all right enough. He couldn't take his + wife and child into camp.)</i></p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">And gave me a shoddy suit;</span><br> + + <p><i>(Entirely the fault of the contractors.)</i></p> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">I quite forgot my good + old life,</span><br> + + <p><i>(That was perfectly proper. People in camp have to + forget that sort of thing.)</i></p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">While they taught me to march and + shoot.</span><br> + + <p><i>(Good lessons; worth learning.)</i></p> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">She seemed to think me + above the men</span><br> + + <p><i>(Made him corporal, most probably.)</i></p> + <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who staid at their homes, + you see;</span><br> + + <p><i>(And if he fought on principle he was above most of + them.)</i></p> <span style="margin-left: 1em;">Oh, had + I jumped the bounty then,</span><br> + + <p><i>(Horrible idea!)</i></p> <span style= + "margin-left: 1em;">It would have been better for + me.</span><br> + + <p><i>(That's not so certain. To be sure, in that case he + might have got a good office in some of the Departments, + or been made a Consul, but why should he complain? He has + a first-rate organ, and nobody hinders him from sitting + on the corner and grinding it the livelong day, if it + pleases him. And then there's the honor! His country may + not think about it, nor the people who give him pennies, + but if he feels it himself, what more need he want? How + ridiculous it is for some persons to insinuate that a + rich and powerful people, who can grant hundreds of + thousands of dollars to railroad companies, and North + Pole expeditions, ought to be ashamed to see their + disabled soldiers begging on the corners! Absurd beyond + comparison!)</i></p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">NO GHOST AFTER ALL.</p> + + <p>MR. PUNCHINELLO, having been often scared out of his + senses (which are usually very good and trustworthy + senses,) by double tattoos on his library table, and also + by the eccentric movements of the table itself, is happy + to announce that, after all, there is nothing in it. + There is a Dr. HAMMOND who has sent all necessary + explanations to the <i>North American Review</i>. We do + not understand them at all, but they are highly soothing + and satisfactory. It seems that Mr. P. (in common with + less distinguished characters) has "a gray tissue." This + does not refer to his coat, but to something inside of + him which renders him the nervous creature that he is. + Well, not to make too scientific a matter of it, it + appears that our "gray tissue" operates upon our "spinal + cord," and raises the old boy (if we may be allowed the + expression) with our brains; and this, in some way, but + really we do not exactly see how, produces the raps, and + leads us to suppose that we are hearing (dear old lady!) + from our grandmother. It is astonishing how simple these + mysterious matters appear after a scientific + explanation.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <center> + <p style="font-weight: bold;">THE DOG-BREAKER'S + DIFFICULTY.</p> +<p>THE DOG'S HEAD is VERY GOOD FOR A POINTER, BUT THE +CONFOUNDED TAIL <i>will</i> CURL.</p> + +<p>A PLAN IS DEVISED FOR STRAIGHTENING IT.</p> + +<p>RESULT.</p> + + </center><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Philological Query.</p> + + <p>Is the following sentence, which Mr. PUNCHINELLO finds + in that respectable paper, the Boston Advertiser, to be + considered as English or Latin?</p> + + <p>"The constitutio de fide has been adopted by the + Ecumenical Council, nemine contradicente."</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A Place Appropriately + Named.</p> + + <p>SIGH-BERIA</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">FISCALITIES.</p> + + <p>Let no one read this title—rascalities. Fiscalities + are very different things. (<i>That is to say, out of + Wall street.</i>) PUNCHINELLO always had a strong liking + for fiscal subjects, and even now he would be glad to + write a fiscal history of the United States, provided he + was furnished with specimens of all the various coins, + bank-notes, greenbacks, bonds, and such mediums of + exchange that have been in circulation from colonial + times until now. (<i>That is to say, he'd like very much + to have the coins and things, but if any one takes up + this offer, and wants to keep his coins, a money-order + for a corresponding amount, or ordinary bills, in a + registered letter, will be entirely satisfactory.</i>) + But as he can not write a book this week, he desires to + draw the attention of his readers to the fact that fiscal + expansion ought to be the great end of man. (<i>That is + to say, it often is, but in a different way from what + PUNCHINELLO means.</i>) For instance, look at Colonel + FISK, of the glorious Ninth! Had not his vigorous + intellect been closely applied to the great questions of + fiscal economy, is it likely that the steady expansion of + his corporeal being would have given such a weight to his + wisely-planned movements? (<i>That is to say, if he + hadn't got rich he wouldn't have got so fat, and then + buildings would not tremble when he drills.</i>) A man + who is perfectly proportioned in a fiscal point of view, + can call himself a monarch of the world. The elements + will own they are his servants, and the seasons will + mould themselves to suit his will. (<i>That is to say, he + can have one hundred and fifty fine young women to dance + the Devil's Torchlight Cotillion in his own theatre, and + he can sit there, if he wants to, all alone and look at + them just as long as he pleases; and not one of them dare + stop till he's ready.</i>) Space bows before such a man, + and shrivels itself up into a mere nothing. Land and + water are alike to such a one. It matters not to him + whether the waves roll beneath his possessions, or the + solid ground upholds them.</p> + + <p>ST. CECILIA sits at the feet of this great exponent of + fiscal expansion, and TUBAL CAIN dwells serenely in his + court-yards. (<i>That is to say, just wait until you hear + his new brass band!</i>) Now, who would not be as this + financial monarch? Who would not say: "I, too, can do + these things?" (<i>That is to say, which of us would not + gladly take every cent the good FISK possesses, and let + him beg his bread from door to door, if we only got a + decent chance?</i>) If it were not for such shining + examples of the power of wealth and the glories that it + is capable of placing before our eyes, the souls of + ordinary men would much less frequently be moved to + extraordinary effort in the line of pecuniary progress. + (<i>That is to say, if old FISK did not change the ballet + in his Twelve Temptations so often, and did not keep on + getting new dancers, and dressing them all up different + every week or two, we would not have to raise a dollar + and half so frequently to go and see the confounded + thing.</i>) But it is of no use to try and calculate the + vast advantage of Fiscal expansion. Even with a WEBB'S + Adder, PUNCHINELLO could not do the sum, and it's pretty + certain that it would make WEBB Sadder, if he tried it. + Among other things, a man of fiscal solidity is never + unprepared for emergencies, and, if necessary, he can + resort to extremities of which ordinary people would + never dream. (<i>That is to say, have you seen FISK'S + last legs?</i>) Therefore, it becomes us all to endeavor + to have a share in the prosperity of which we see such a + shining example, (<i>that is to say, PUNCHINELLO does not + mean for us all to go buy stock in Erie,</i>) and mayhap, + even the humblest of us may, in time, be able to whistle + "Shoo Fly" in marble halls. (<i>That is to say, even a + poor ostler may get along very well if he attentively and + industriously waters his stock.</i>)</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Interesting to Mr. + Bergh.</p> + + <p>"Dog's-Ear" shirt-collars (the ones that stick up and + are doubled down at the points,) are coming into + fashion.</p> + + <p>Says young SOLOMONS, the other day, "I want something + new in collars; I shall cut my Dog's-ears." And he went + and did it; which is decidedly interesting to Mr. + BERGH.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">An Interesting Patient.</p> + + <p>New-Haven enjoys an elephant that has corns, and is + about to be operated on by a chiropodist. There is a + largeness, approaching to sublimity, in the idea of an + elephant with corns, though it naturally suggests the + query, "What Boots it?"</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">A Dogged Problem.</p> + + <p>If Sir WALTER SCOTT'S dog was worth—say—ten + "pounds," what was his Kenilworth?</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">CONDENSED CONGRESS.</p> + + <p><b>SENATE.</b></p> + + <p>The gentle CHANDLER is occasionally goaded to rage and + rhetoric by perfidious Albion. The other day he had one + of these deliriums. In the language of the bard.</p> + + <p>He shook his fists and he tore his hair Till they + really felt afraid; For they couldn't help thinking + <span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">the man had been + drinking.</span></p> + + <p>He wanted to annex the Winnipeg district. It was true + that the Winnipeg district was an unmitigated nuisance to + England; and probably it would prove an unmitigated + nuisance to us if we annexed it. But it would make Great + Britain mad. The dearest object of his life was to madden + Great Britain. What was Great Britain? What business had + she on this continent? None but the right of conquest. It + occurred to him that that was all we had ourselves; but + that made no difference. His motto was, Great Britain + <span style="font-style: italic;">est</span> Carthago, or + <span style="font-style: italic;">delenda</span> must be + destroyed, or something of that sort—he forgot exactly + what. He knew we could whip Great Britain, and he wanted + to fight her. That is, he wanted some body else to fight + her. It would be the proudest moment of his life to + serve, exclusively as a sutler, in the grand American + army which should go forth to smash Great Britain. Queen + VICTORIA was only a woman. Therefore he would fight her + single-handed. Let her come on. Let her son, who was a + snob, come on. Let Mr. THORNTON come on. Let every body + come on. He defied every body. He expectorated upon every + body. (Mr. CHANDLER by this time became so earnest that + seven Senators were constrained to wait upon him, but it + produced no sedative effect.) Mr. CHANDLER kept on in + this manner until he had challenged the population of the + planet to single combat, and then subsided, and ordered + five hundred copies of the morrow's <span style= + "font-style: italic;">Globe</span> to send to various + potentates and constituents.</p> + + <p>Mr. DRAKE said of course no body minded CHANDLER. But + there were some glimmerings of sense in CHANDLER, and he + thought the Winnipeg war would be a good thing. Perhaps + CHANDLER might be induced to go out there, which would + make it pleasant for the Senate. Mr. SUMNER said he was + disgusted, not with CHANDLER'S principles, which were + excellent, but with his quotation, which was incorrect. + He considered correct quotation far more important than + correct principles. Every school-boy knew that + <span style="font-style: italic;">delenda est + Carthago</span> was what Mr. CHANDLER attempted to cite. + To be sure Mr. CHANDLER was not every school-boy. (Cheers + for every School-boy.) Mr. SUMNER took advantage of this + occasion to relate several incidents of the life of + HANNIBAL, and closed with a protest against the accursed + spirit of caste. In support of this view he sent to the + clerk's desk, and had read a few chapters from KANT'S + Critique of Pure Reason.</p> + + <p><b>HOUSE.</b></p> + + <p>Schenck scatters members to flight whenever he + introduces his tariff bill. This disgusts SCHENCK, and he + has been trying to bring back the erring Representatives + by the use of the Sergeant-at-Arms and fines. The House + has lately amused itself by listening to excuses.</p> + + <p>Mr. BUTLER'S name was called. Mr. BUTLER was not + there. Mr. SCHENCK proposed to fine him.</p> + + <p>Mr. COX objected. Why, he said, should the sweet boon + of BUTLER'S absence rouse the anger of SCHENCK. He would + suggest an amendment that BUTLER be fined when present + and blessed when away. The less they had of BUTLER the + better.</p> + + <p>Mr. AMES was making money, and therefore he could not + come.</p> + + <p>Mr. DAVIS was prosecuting MCFARLAND, which he + considered better fun than discussing the tariff.</p> + + <p>Mr. FITCH had gone to take a bath. Mr. LOGAN said that + was ridiculous. He himself had never found it necessary + to absent himself on such a ground. No representative of + the people ought to take a bath.</p> + + <p>He was sorry to see this tendency to aristocracy on + the part of members. West Point and the bath-tub were + undermining our institutions.</p> + + <p>Mr. POLAND said that he had been to call on a + clergyman. Mr. LOGAN said that was worse if possible than + the bath. He much preferred immersion to sprinkling.</p> + + <p>Mr. SWEENEY (who is Mr. SWEENEY?) had been + superintending the birth of an infant SWEENEY. Mr. KELLEY + said a man who would basely look after his young when the + fate of pig-iron was trembling in the balance, was + unworthy to represent American freemen. What was the + interesting situation of any individual, male or female, + compared to the interesting situation of "fish-plates." + The same fiendish spirit that animated the Confederate + armies was still alive. But it now found expression in + vile and insidious attacks upon the "scrap-iron" which + was the pride of every true American heart. He did not + hesitate to say that the man who would vote against an + increase of 7000 per cent, <span style= + "font-style: italic;">ad valorem</span>, upon railway + iron would, if his cowardly soul would let him, have + aimed the pistol of the assassin at the late Mr. + LINCOLN.</p> + + <p>Mr. LOGAN said there was no occasion for Mr. KELLEY to + say any thing about any man from Illinois. He, LOGAN, + could take care of that State without KELLEY'S + assistance. He had observed with grief and shame that + KELLEY had made several more speeches this session than + he (LOGAN) had. He did not intend to suffer this in + future.</p> + + <p>Mr. KELLEY said he voted for his constituents, who + were ironmongers; but ho spoke, in an iron-ical way, for + the whole country. He meant to speak early and speak + often.</p> + + <p>Mr. SCHENCK upheld the income-tax. He said it bore + very lightly on Congressmen, for none but honest men were + compelled to pay it.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>OUR LITERARY LEGATE.</b></p> + + <p>Minister MOTLEY is a gentleman, a scholar, and, though + last not least, as genial a diner and winer as ever put + American legs under a British peer's mahogany. There was + a time when he was for avenging British outrage by + whipping John Bull out of his boots, but now, clad in a + dress-coat of unexceptionable cut, he deprecates the idea + of international breaches. As a diplomatist he could + scarcely show more indifference to the Alabama claim, if + the claim itself were All a Bam. He roars for recompense + more gently than a sucking dove. When he presented our + little bill a <span style="font-style: italic;">grand + coup</span> was expected, but the trans-atlantic turtle + seems to have shut him up. Listening to compliments on + the "Dutch Republic" he forgets his own, and renders but + a Flemish account to his country. Not content with + following the festive footsteps of his illustrious + predecessor, REVERDY, he has made new tracks to every + hospitable nobleman's door. The scented soft-soap of + adulation is his "particular vanity," and under its + soothing influence he seems to be washing his hands of + his official responsibilities. In point of fact, MOTLEY + has deserted his colors, and, as a diplomat, is by no + means up to the American Standard. As it is clear he + cannot maintain the <i>prestige</i> of the Star Spangled + Banner abroad, we call upon the Government to give him + Hail Columbia, and order him home.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>CONS BY A WRECKER.</b></p>Where are women wrecked? Off the + Silly Islands.<br> + Where are men wrecked? Some off Port, some Half Seas + over,<br> + some off the Horn, or wherever they Chews.<br> + Where are rogues wrecked? In the Dock.<br> + Where are brokers wrecked? On the Breakers.<br> + Where are children wrecked? Some in Babycome Bay, and + some on the Coral Islands.<br> + Where are bad musicians wrecked? On the Sound.<br> + Where are would-be sharpers wrecked? On the Mighty + Deep.<br> + <br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + + <p><b>BOOK NOTICES.</b></p> + + <p>IN SPAIN AND A VISIT TO PORTUGAL. By HANS CHRISTIAN + ANDERSEN. New-York: HURD & HOUGHTON.</p> + + <p>A good summer book of nearly three hundred pages. As + usual, ANDERSEN is not abstruse in his way of putting + things. His narrative is adapted alike for the juvenile + mind and for the adult. There is no periphrasis in it. + One understands his meaning at a glance; therefore the + book should be a very popular one when summer time sets + in, and people look for some quiet + <i>délassement</i> which will not compel them to + think.</p><br> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + <br> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" align="center" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p>BARGAINS IN CARPETS.</p> + + <p><big><big><big><b>A. T. STEWART & + CO.</b></big></big></big></p> + + <p>ARE RECEIVING BY EACH AND EVERY STEAMER<br> + <small>THE</small><br> + NEWEST AND LATEST DESIGNS IN<br> + MOQUETTES AND AXMINSTERS,</p> + + <p><big>ROYAL WILTONS,</big><br> + <b>BODY BRUSSELS,<br> + Crossley's Velvets, Tapestry Brussels,</b> <span style= + "font-weight: bold;">etc., etc.,</span></p> + + <p>AND THEY ARE ALSO<br> + MAKING LABRE ADDITIONS<br> + TO THEIR<br> + REGULAR STOCKS OF<br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">ENGLISH BODY + BRUSSELS.</span></big></big></p> + + <p><b>ROYAL WILTONS,<br> + $2 50 AND $3 PER YARD,</b></p> + + <p><b>AXMINSTERS,<br> + $3 50 AND $4 PER YARD.</b></p> + + <p>TOGETHER WITH</p> + + <p><b>INGRAINS, THREE-PLY, COCOA,</b><br> + <small>AND</small><br> + <big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">CANTON + MATTINGS,</span></big></big><br> + <small>ENGLISH AND DOMESTIC</small><br> + <span style="font-weight: bold;">OIL-CLOTHS, + etc.,</span></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"> + <big><big>BROADWAY,</big></big></p> + + <p><b>4th Ave., 9th and 10th Sts.</b></p> + </td> + + <td rowspan="3" style="text-align: center;"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"> + <big><big><big>SPECIAL</big></big></big></p> + + <p><big><big><big><big><b>PUNCHINELLO + PREMIUMS.</b></big></big></big></big></p> + + <p>By special arrangement with</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>L. PRANG + & CO.,</big></big></big></p> + + <p>We offer the following Elegant Premiums for new + Subscribers to</p> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO:</p> + + <p><big><big><b>"Awakening."</b></big></big> (A Litter of + Puppies.) Half Chromo, size, 8-3/8 by 11-1/8, price + $2.00, and a copy of PUNCHINELLO for one year, for + $4.00.</p> + + <p><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Wild + Roses."</span></big></big> Chromo, 12-1/8 by 9, price + $3.00, or any other $3.00 Chromo, and a copy of the paper + for one year for $5.00.</p> + + <p><big><big><span style="font-weight: bold;">"The Baby + in Trouble."</span></big></big> Chromo, 13 by 16-1/4, + price $6.00 or any other at $6.00, or any two Chromos at + $3.00, and a copy of the paper for one year, for + $6.00.</p> + + <p><big><big><b>"Sunset,</b>—<b>California + Scenery,"</b></big></big> after A. Bierstadt, 18-1/8 by + 12, price $10.00, or any other $10.00 Chromo, and a copy + of the paper for one year for $10.00. Or the four + Chromos, and four copies of the paper for one year in one + order, for clubs of FOUR, for $23.00.</p> + + <p>We will send to any one a printed list of L. PRANG + & CO.'S Chromos, from which a selection can be made, + if the above is not satisfactory, and are prepared to + make special terms for clubs to any amount, and to + agents.</p> + + <p>Postage of paper is payable at the office where + received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per + quarter in advance; the CHROMOS will be <i>mailed + free</i> on receipt of money.</p> + + <p>Remittances should be made in P. O. Orders, Drafts, or + Bank Checks on New-York, or Registered letters. The paper + will be sent from the first number, (April 2d, 1870,) + when not otherwise ordered.</p> + + <p>Now is the time to subscribe, as these Premiums will + be offered for a limited time only. On receipt of a + postage-stamp we will send a copy of No. 1 to any one + desiring to get up a club.</p> + + <p>Address</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big>PUNCHINELLO + PUBLISHING CO.,</big></big></p> + + <p>P.O. Box 2783.</p> + + <p>No. 83 Nassau Street, New-York.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big><big><big>A. T. + Stewart & Co.</big></big></big></p> + + <p><small>ARE OFFERING<br> + IN<br> + ALL THE VARIOUS DEPARTMENTS<br> + OF THEIR</small></p> + + <p><big><big><b>RETAIL-ESTABLISHMENT</b></big></big></p> + + <p><small><span style="font-weight: bold;">UNUSUAL + ATTRACTIONS</span><br> + IN</small><br> + <b>PRICE, QUALITY, AND STYLES OF<br> + GOODS</b><br> + <big>JUST RECEIVED</big></p> + + <p><small>per late steamers, as well as from the recent + large Auction-Sales, to which they respectfully request + the attention of their Customers and the + Public.</small></p> + + <p><big><b>BROADWAY,</b></big></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Fourth Avenue, Ninth and + Tenth Streets.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><big><big><big><b>A. T. STEWART & + CO.</b></big></big></big></p> + + <p>HAVE OPENED<br> + A MAGNIFICENT ASSORTMENT OF</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>Sash-Ribbons, + Neck-Ribbons, Roman Sashes, etc., etc.,</big></p> + + <p><small>IN NEW STYLES AND COLORINGS.</small></p> + + <p><b>At Extremely Attractive Prices.</b></p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;"><big>BROADWAY,</big></p> + + <p><b>Fourth Ave., Ninth and Tenth Sts.</b></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" border="1" align="center" + width="800"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td width="66%" rowspan="2"> + <br> + + <center> + <p>Illustration: <b>POLICE POLICY.</b></p> + + <p><i>Policeman.</i> "THAT'S HIM: OVER THERE PICKING + THE OLD GENTLEMAN'S POCKET."</p> + + <p><i>Green Youth.</i> "THEN WHY DON'T YOU ARREST + HIM?"</p> + + <p><i>Policeman.</i> "WELL, IT MIGHT MAKE HIM FEEL UGLY + TOWARDS ME, I LIKE A QUIET LIFE."</p> + </center> + </td> + + <td align="center"> + <b>"The Printing House of the United States."</b> + + <p><big><big><b>GEO.F. NESBITT & + CO.,</b></big></big></p> + + <p>General <b>JOB PRINTERS,</b><br> + BLANK BOOK Manufacturers,<br> + STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail,<br> + LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers,<br> + COPPER-Plate Engravers and Printers,<br> + CARD Manufacturers,<br> + FINE CUT and COLOR Printers.</p> + + <p><b>163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., 73, 75, 77, and + 79 PINE ST., New-York.</b></p> + + <p>Advantages. All on the same premises, and under + immediate supervision of the proprietors.</p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <p><b style= + "font-family: helvetica,arial,sans-serif;">Bowling Green + Savings-Bank,</b><br> + 33 BROADWAY,</p> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">NEW-YORK.</p> + + <p>Open Every Day from 10 A.M. to 3 P.M.</p> + + <p>Deposits of any sum, from Ten Cents to Ten Thousand + Dollars, will be received.</p> + + <p>Six Per Cent Interest, Free of Government Tax.</p> + + <p><span style="font-weight: bold;">INTEREST ON NEW + DEPOSITS</span> Commences on the first of every + month.</p> + + <p>HENRY SMITH, <i>President</i>.<br> + REEVES E. SELMES, <i>Secretary</i>. WALTER ROCHE,<br> + EDWARD HOGAN, <i>Vice-Presidents.</i></p> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <p><small><b>PRANG'S CHROMOS</b> are celebrated for + their close resemblance to Oil Paintings. Sold in all + Art and Bookstores throughout the world. PRANG'S WEEKLY + BULLETIN: "Bo-Peep," "Queen of the Woods," "First + Lesson in Music," "Travelling Comedians," "City and + Country Life." Illustrated Catalogues sent on receipt + of a stamp by</small></p> + + <p><b>L. PRANG & CO., Boston.</b></p> + </center> + </td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2"> + <center> + <h2>PUNCHINELLO:</h2> + + <h1><b>TERMS TO CLUBS.</b></h1> + + <p>WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS</p> + </center> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>FIRST:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER,</i></p> + + <p>The most complete and desirable machine ever yet + introduced for spinning purposes.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>SECOND:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES.</i></p> + + <p>These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, + as well as useful; and every lady should have one, as + they can make every conceivable kind of crochet or fancy + work upon them.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>THIRD:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>BICKFORD'S AUTOMATIC FAMILY KNITTER.</i></p> + + <p>This is the most perfect and complete machine in the + world. It knits every thing.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small><small>FOURTH:</small></small></p> + </center> + + <p><i>AMERICAN BUTTONHOLE, OVERSEAMING, AND + SEWING-MACHINE.</i></p> + + <p>This great combination machine is the last and + greatest improvement on all former machines. No. 1, with + finely finished Oiled Walnut Table and Cover, complete, + price, $75. No. 2, same machine without the buttonhole + parts, etc., price, $60.</p> + + <center style="font-weight: bold;"> + <p><small>WE WILL SEND THE</small></p> + </center> + + <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="6" border="0" align= + "center"> + <tbody> + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">Family Spinner,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $8,</td> + + <td align="left">for 4 subscribers and $16.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.1 Crochet,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $8,</td> + + <td align="left">for 4 subscribers and $16.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.2 Crochet,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $15,</td> + + <td align="left">for 6 subscribers and $24.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.1 Automatic + Knitter,<br> + 72 needles,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $30,</td> + + <td align="left">for 12 subscribers and $48.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.2 Automatic + Knitter,<br> + 84 needles,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $33,</td> + + <td align="left">for 13 subscribers and $52.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No.3 Automatic + Knitter,<br> + 100 needles,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $37,</td> + + <td align="left">for 15 subscribers and $60.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left">No.4 Automatic Knitter,</td> + + <td align="left">2 cylinders,<br> + 72 needles<br> + 1 100 needles</td> + + <td align="left">price, $40.</td> + + <td align="left">for 16 subscribers and $64.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td colspan="2" align="left">No. 1 American + Buttonhole<br> + and Overseaming Machine,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $75,</td> + + <td align="left">for 30 subscribers and $120.</td> + </tr> + + <tr> + <td align="left">No. 2 American Buttonhole<br> + and Overseaming Machine,</td> + + <td align="left">without buttonhole<br> + parts, etc.,</td> + + <td align="left">price, $60,</td> + + <td align="left">for 25 subscribers and $100.</td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table> + + <p style="font-weight: bold;">Descriptive Circulars</p> + + <p>Of all these machines will be sent upon application to + this office, and full instructions for working them will + be sent to purchasers.</p> + + <p>Parties getting up Clubs preferring cash to premiums, + may deduct seventy-five cents upon each full subscription + sent for four subscribers and upward, and after the first + remittance for four subscribers may send single names as + they obtain them, deducting the commission.</p> + + <p>Remittances should be made in Post-Office Orders, Bank + Checks, or Drafts on New-York City; or if these can not + be obtained, then by Registered Letters, which any + post-master will furnish.</p> + + <p>Charges on money sent by express must be prepaid, or + the net amount only will be credited.</p> + + <p>Directions for shipping machines must be full and + explicit, to prevent error. In sending subscriptions give + address, with Town, County, and State.</p> + + <p>The postage on this paper will be twenty cents per + year, payable quarterly in advance, at the place where it + is received. Subscribers in the British Provinces will + remit twenty cants in addition to subscription.</p> + + <p>All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed + to P.O. Box 2783.</p><br> + + <p>PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY</p> + + <p>No. 83 Nassau Street,</p> + + <p>NEW-YORK</p> + <hr style="width: 45%;"> + + <p style="text-align: center;"><small>S.W. GREEN, + PRINTER, CORNER JACOB AND FRANKFORT STREETS.</small></p> + </td> + </tr> + </tbody> + </table><br> + <br> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punchinello, Vol. 1, No. 7, May 14, +1870, by Various + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCHINELLO, VOL. 1, NO. 7 *** + +This file should be named 8p10710h.htm or 8p10710h.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, 8p10711h.htm +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, 8p10710ah.htm + +Produced by Cornell University, Joshua Hutchinson, Steve Schulze +and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we usually do not +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our eBooks one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to tell us about any error or corrections, +even years after the official publication date. + +Please note neither this listing nor its contents are final til +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg eBooks is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our Web sites at: +http://gutenberg.net or +http://promo.net/pg + +These Web sites include award-winning information about Project +Gutenberg, including how to donate, how to help produce our new +eBooks, and how to subscribe to our email newsletter (free!). + + +Those of you who want to download any eBook before announcement +can get to them as follows, and just download by date. This is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/gutenberg/etext03 or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext03 + +Or /etext02, 01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any eBook selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. Our +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If the value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour in 2002 as we release over 100 new text +files per month: 1240 more eBooks in 2001 for a total of 4000+ +We are already on our way to trying for 2000 more eBooks in 2002 +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +will reach over half a trillion eBooks given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away 1 Trillion eBooks! +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +Here is the briefest record of our progress (* means estimated): + +eBooks Year Month + + 1 1971 July + 10 1991 January + 100 1994 January + 1000 1997 August + 1500 1998 October + 2000 1999 December + 2500 2000 December + 3000 2001 November + 4000 2001 October/November + 6000 2002 December* + 9000 2003 November* +10000 2004 January* + + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been created +to secure a future for Project Gutenberg into the next millennium. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +As of February, 2002, contributions are being solicited from people +and organizations in: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Connecticut, +Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, +Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Massachusetts, +Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New +Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, +Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South +Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West +Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming. + +We have filed in all 50 states now, but these are the only ones +that have responded. + +As the requirements for other states are met, additions to this list +will be made and fund raising will begin in the additional states. +Please feel free to ask to check the status of your state. + +In answer to various questions we have received on this: + +We are constantly working on finishing the paperwork to legally +request donations in all 50 states. If your state is not listed and +you would like to know if we have added it since the list you have, +just ask. + +While we cannot solicit donations from people in states where we are +not yet registered, we know of no prohibition against accepting +donations from donors in these states who approach us with an offer to +donate. + +International donations are accepted, but we don't know ANYTHING about +how to make them tax-deductible, or even if they CAN be made +deductible, and don't have the staff to handle it even if there are +ways. + +Donations by check or money order may be sent to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655-4109 + +Contact us if you want to arrange for a wire transfer or payment +method other than by check or money order. + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation has been approved by +the US Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3) organization with EIN +[Employee Identification Number] 64-622154. Donations are +tax-deductible to the maximum extent permitted by law. As fund-raising +requirements for other states are met, additions to this list will be +made and fund-raising will begin in the additional states. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information online at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +If you can't reach Project Gutenberg, +you can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart hart@pobox.com + +Prof. Hart will answer or forward your message. + +We would prefer to send you information by email. + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this eBook, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you may distribute copies of this eBook if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS EBOOK +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +eBook, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this eBook by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this eBook on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM EBOOKS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBooks, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this eBook +under the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these eBooks, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's eBooks and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other eBook medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] Michael Hart and the Foundation (and any other party you may +receive this eBook from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm eBook) disclaims +all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this eBook within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS EBOOK IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE EBOOK OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold Michael Hart, the Foundation, +and its trustees and agents, and any volunteers associated +with the production and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm +texts harmless, from all liability, cost and expense, including +legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the +following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this eBook, +[2] alteration, modification, or addition to the eBook, +or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this eBook electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + eBook or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this eBook in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The eBook, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The eBook may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the eBook (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + eBook in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the eBook refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Foundation of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +Project Gutenberg is dedicated to increasing the number of +public domain and licensed works that can be freely distributed +in machine readable form. + +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain materials, or royalty free copyright licenses. +Money should be paid to the: +"Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +[Portions of this eBook's header and trailer may be reprinted only +when distributed free of all fees. Copyright (C) 2001, 2002 by +Michael S. Hart. Project Gutenberg is a TradeMark and may not be +used in any sales of Project Gutenberg eBooks or other materials be +they hardware or software or any other related product without +express permission.] + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN EBOOKS*Ver.02/11/02*END* + + + +</pre> + +</body> +</html> + + diff --git a/old/8p10710h.zip b/old/8p10710h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4825d7a --- /dev/null +++ b/old/8p10710h.zip |