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@@ -0,0 +1,37847 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit, by +Charles Dickens + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit + +Author: Charles Dickens + +Release Date: April 27, 2006 [EBook #968] +[Last updated: April 18, 2011] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT *** + + + + +Produced by Donald Lainson + + + + + +LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT + +by Charles Dickens + + + + +PREFACE + +What is exaggeration to one class of minds and perceptions, is plain +truth to another. That which is commonly called a long-sight, perceives +in a prospect innumerable features and bearings non-existent to +a short-sighted person. I sometimes ask myself whether there may +occasionally be a difference of this kind between some writers and some +readers; whether it is ALWAYS the writer who colours highly, or whether +it is now and then the reader whose eye for colour is a little dull? + +On this head of exaggeration I have a positive experience, more curious +than the speculation I have just set down. It is this: I have never +touched a character precisely from the life, but some counterpart of +that character has incredulously asked me: "Now really, did I ever +really, see one like it?" + +All the Pecksniff family upon earth are quite agreed, I believe, that +Mr Pecksniff is an exaggeration, and that no such character ever +existed. I will not offer any plea on his behalf to so powerful and +genteel a body, but will make a remark on the character of Jonas +Chuzzlewit. + +I conceive that the sordid coarseness and brutality of Jonas would be +unnatural, if there had been nothing in his early education, and in the +precept and example always before him, to engender and develop the vices +that make him odious. But, so born and so bred, admired for that which +made him hateful, and justified from his cradle in cunning, treachery, +and avarice; I claim him as the legitimate issue of the father upon whom +those vices are seen to recoil. And I submit that their recoil upon that +old man, in his unhonoured age, is not a mere piece of poetical justice, +but is the extreme exposition of a direct truth. + +I make this comment, and solicit the reader's attention to it in his or +her consideration of this tale, because nothing is more common in real +life than a want of profitable reflection on the causes of many vices +and crimes that awaken the general horror. What is substantially true of +families in this respect, is true of a whole commonwealth. As we sow, +we reap. Let the reader go into the children's side of any prison in +England, or, I grieve to add, of many workhouses, and judge whether +those are monsters who disgrace our streets, people our hulks and +penitentiaries, and overcrowd our penal colonies, or are creatures whom +we have deliberately suffered to be bred for misery and ruin. + +The American portion of this story is in no other respect a caricature +than as it is an exhibition, for the most part (Mr Bevan expected), of +a ludicrous side, ONLY, of the American character--of that side which +was, four-and-twenty years ago, from its nature, the most obtrusive, and +the most likely to be seen by such travellers as Young Martin and Mark +Tapley. As I had never, in writing fiction, had any disposition to +soften what is ridiculous or wrong at home, so I then hoped that the +good-humored people of the United States would not be generally disposed +to quarrel with me for carrying the same usage abroad. I am happy to +believe that my confidence in that great nation was not misplaced. + +When this book was first published, I was given to understand, by some +authorities, that the Watertoast Association and eloquence were beyond +all bounds of belief. Therefore I record the fact that all that portion +of Martin Chuzzlewit's experiences is a literal paraphrase of some +reports of public proceedings in the United States (especially of the +proceedings of a certain Brandywine Association), which were printed in +the Times Newspaper in June and July, 1843--at about the time when I was +engaged in writing those parts of the book; and which remain on the file +of the Times Newspaper, of course. + +In all my writings, I hope I have taken every available opportunity of +showing the want of sanitary improvements in the neglected dwellings +of the poor. Mrs Sarah Gamp was, four-and-twenty years ago, a fair +representation of the hired attendant on the poor in sickness. The +hospitals of London were, in many respects, noble Institutions; in +others, very defective. I think it not the least among the instances +of their mismanagement, that Mrs Betsey Prig was a fair specimen of +a Hospital Nurse; and that the Hospitals, with their means and funds, +should have left it to private humanity and enterprise, to enter on +an attempt to improve that class of persons--since, greatly improved +through the agency of good women. + + + + +POSTSCRIPT + +At a Public Dinner given to me on Saturday the 18th of April, 1868, in +the city of New York, by two hundred representatives of the Press of +the United States of America, I made the following observations, among +others:-- + +"So much of my voice has lately been heard in the land, that I might +have been contented with troubling you no further from my present +standing-point, were it not a duty with which I henceforth charge +myself, not only here but on every suitable occasion, whatsoever +and wheresoever, to express my high and grateful sense of my second +reception in America, and to bear my honest testimony to the national +generosity and magnanimity. Also, to declare how astounded I have been +by the amazing changes I have seen around me on every side--changes +moral, changes physical, changes in the amount of land subdued and +peopled, changes in the rise of vast new cities, changes in the growth +of older cities almost out of recognition, changes in the graces and +amenities of life, changes in the Press, without whose advancement no +advancement can take place anywhere. Nor am I, believe me, so arrogant +as to suppose that in five-and-twenty years there have been no changes +in me, and that I had nothing to learn and no extreme impressions to +correct when I was here first. And this brings me to a point on which I +have, ever since I landed in the United States last November, observed +a strict silence, though sometimes tempted to break it, but in reference +to which I will, with your good leave, take you into my confidence now. +Even the Press, being human, may be sometimes mistaken or misinformed, +and I rather think that I have in one or two rare instances observed +its information to be not strictly accurate with reference to myself. +Indeed, I have, now and again, been more surprised by printed news that +I have read of myself, than by any printed news that I have ever read +in my present state of existence. Thus, the vigour and perseverance with +which I have for some months past been collecting materials for, and +hammering away at, a new book on America has much astonished me; seeing +that all that time my declaration has been perfectly well known to my +publishers on both sides of the Atlantic, that no consideration on earth +would induce me to write one. But what I have intended, what I have +resolved upon (and this is the confidence I seek to place in you), is, +on my return to England, in my own person, in my own Journal, to bear, +for the behoof of my countrymen, such testimony to the gigantic changes +in this country as I have hinted at to-night. Also, to record that +wherever I have been, in the smallest places equally with the largest, +I have been received with unsurpassable politeness, delicacy, sweet +temper, hospitality, consideration, and with unsurpassable respect for +the privacy daily enforced upon me by the nature of my avocation here +and the state of my health. This testimony, so long as I live, and so +long as my descendants have any legal right in my books, I shall cause +to be republished, as an appendix to every copy of those two books of +mine in which I have referred to America. And this I will do and cause +to be done, not in mere love and thankfulness, but because I regard it +as an act of plain justice and honour." + +I said these words with the greatest earnestness that I could lay upon +them, and I repeat them in print here with equal earnestness. So long as +this book shall last, I hope that they will form a part of it, and will +be fairly read as inseparable from my experiences and impressions of +America. + +CHARLES DICKENS. + +May, 1868. + + + + + +CHAPTER ONE + +INTRODUCTORY, CONCERNING THE PEDIGREE OF THE CHUZZLEWIT FAMILY + + +As no lady or gentleman, with any claims to polite breeding, can +possibly sympathize with the Chuzzlewit Family without being first +assured of the extreme antiquity of the race, it is a great satisfaction +to know that it undoubtedly descended in a direct line from Adam and +Eve; and was, in the very earliest times, closely connected with the +agricultural interest. If it should ever be urged by grudging and +malicious persons, that a Chuzzlewit, in any period of the family +history, displayed an overweening amount of family pride, surely the +weakness will be considered not only pardonable but laudable, when the +immense superiority of the house to the rest of mankind, in respect of +this its ancient origin, is taken into account. + +It is remarkable that as there was, in the oldest family of which we +have any record, a murderer and a vagabond, so we never fail to meet, +in the records of all old families, with innumerable repetitions of +the same phase of character. Indeed, it may be laid down as a general +principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount +of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, +combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing +shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful +recreation of the Quality of this land. + +Consequently, it is a source of inexpressible comfort and happiness +to find, that in various periods of our history, the Chuzzlewits were +actively connected with divers slaughterous conspiracies and bloody +frays. It is further recorded of them, that being clad from head to +heel in steel of proof, they did on many occasions lead their +leather-jerkined soldiers to the death with invincible courage, and +afterwards return home gracefully to their relations and friends. + +There can be no doubt that at least one Chuzzlewit came over with +William the Conqueror. It does not appear that this illustrious ancestor +'came over' that monarch, to employ the vulgar phrase, at any subsequent +period; inasmuch as the Family do not seem to have been ever greatly +distinguished by the possession of landed estate. And it is well known +that for the bestowal of that kind of property upon his favourites, +the liberality and gratitude of the Norman were as remarkable as those +virtues are usually found to be in great men when they give away what +belongs to other people. + +Perhaps in this place the history may pause to congratulate itself upon +the enormous amount of bravery, wisdom, eloquence, virtue, gentle birth, +and true nobility, that appears to have come into England with the +Norman Invasion: an amount which the genealogy of every ancient family +lends its aid to swell, and which would beyond all question have been +found to be just as great, and to the full as prolific in giving birth +to long lines of chivalrous descendants, boastful of their origin, even +though William the Conqueror had been William the Conquered; a change of +circumstances which, it is quite certain, would have made no manner of +difference in this respect. + +There was unquestionably a Chuzzlewit in the Gunpowder Plot, if indeed +the arch-traitor, Fawkes himself, were not a scion of this remarkable +stock; as he might easily have been, supposing another Chuzzlewit +to have emigrated to Spain in the previous generation, and there +intermarried with a Spanish lady, by whom he had issue, one +olive-complexioned son. This probable conjecture is strengthened, if not +absolutely confirmed, by a fact which cannot fail to be interesting +to those who are curious in tracing the progress of hereditary tastes +through the lives of their unconscious inheritors. It is a notable +circumstance that in these later times, many Chuzzlewits, being +unsuccessful in other pursuits, have, without the smallest rational +hope of enriching themselves, or any conceivable reason, set up as +coal-merchants; and have, month after month, continued gloomily to watch +a small stock of coals, without in any one instance negotiating with a +purchaser. The remarkable similarity between this course of proceeding +and that adopted by their Great Ancestor beneath the vaults of the +Parliament House at Westminster, is too obvious and too full of +interest, to stand in need of comment. + +It is also clearly proved by the oral traditions of the Family, that +there existed, at some one period of its history which is not distinctly +stated, a matron of such destructive principles, and so familiarized to +the use and composition of inflammatory and combustible engines, that +she was called 'The Match Maker;' by which nickname and byword she is +recognized in the Family legends to this day. Surely there can be +no reasonable doubt that this was the Spanish lady, the mother of +Chuzzlewit Fawkes. + +But there is one other piece of evidence, bearing immediate reference +to their close connection with this memorable event in English History, +which must carry conviction, even to a mind (if such a mind there be) +remaining unconvinced by these presumptive proofs. + +There was, within a few years, in the possession of a highly respectable +and in every way credible and unimpeachable member of the Chuzzlewit +Family (for his bitterest enemy never dared to hint at his being +otherwise than a wealthy man), a dark lantern of undoubted antiquity; +rendered still more interesting by being, in shape and pattern, +extremely like such as are in use at the present day. Now this +gentleman, since deceased, was at all times ready to make oath, and +did again and again set forth upon his solemn asseveration, that he had +frequently heard his grandmother say, when contemplating this venerable +relic, 'Aye, aye! This was carried by my fourth son on the fifth of +November, when he was a Guy Fawkes.' These remarkable words wrought +(as well they might) a strong impression on his mind, and he was in the +habit of repeating them very often. The just interpretation which +they bear, and the conclusion to which they lead, are triumphant and +irresistible. The old lady, naturally strong-minded, was nevertheless +frail and fading; she was notoriously subject to that confusion of +ideas, or, to say the least, of speech, to which age and garrulity +are liable. The slight, the very slight, confusion apparent in these +expressions is manifest, and is ludicrously easy of correction. 'Aye, +aye,' quoth she, and it will be observed that no emendation whatever is +necessary to be made in these two initiative remarks, 'Aye, aye! +This lantern was carried by my forefather'--not fourth son, which is +preposterous--'on the fifth of November. And HE was Guy Fawkes.' Here +we have a remark at once consistent, clear, natural, and in strict +accordance with the character of the speaker. Indeed the anecdote is +so plainly susceptible of this meaning and no other, that it would be +hardly worth recording in its original state, were it not a proof of +what may be (and very often is) affected not only in historical prose +but in imaginative poetry, by the exercise of a little ingenious labour +on the part of a commentator. + +It has been said that there is no instance, in modern times, of a +Chuzzlewit having been found on terms of intimacy with the Great. But +here again the sneering detractors who weave such miserable figments +from their malicious brains, are stricken dumb by evidence. For letters +are yet in the possession of various branches of the family, from which +it distinctly appears, being stated in so many words, that one Diggory +Chuzzlewit was in the habit of perpetually dining with Duke Humphrey. +So constantly was he a guest at that nobleman's table, indeed; and so +unceasingly were His Grace's hospitality and companionship forced, as +it were, upon him; that we find him uneasy, and full of constraint and +reluctance; writing his friends to the effect that if they fail to do +so and so by bearer, he will have no choice but to dine again with Duke +Humphrey; and expressing himself in a very marked and extraordinary +manner as one surfeited of High Life and Gracious Company. + +It has been rumoured, and it is needless to say the rumour originated in +the same base quarters, that a certain male Chuzzlewit, whose birth must +be admitted to be involved in some obscurity, was of very mean and low +descent. How stands the proof? When the son of that individual, to whom +the secret of his father's birth was supposed to have been communicated +by his father in his lifetime, lay upon his deathbed, this question was +put to him in a distinct, solemn, and formal way: 'Toby Chuzzlewit, +who was your grandfather?' To which he, with his last breath, no less +distinctly, solemnly, and formally replied: and his words were taken +down at the time, and signed by six witnesses, each with his name and +address in full: 'The Lord No Zoo.' It may be said--it HAS been said, +for human wickedness has no limits--that there is no Lord of that +name, and that among the titles which have become extinct, none at all +resembling this, in sound even, is to be discovered. But what is the +irresistible inference? Rejecting a theory broached by some well-meaning +but mistaken persons, that this Mr Toby Chuzzlewit's grandfather, to +judge from his name, must surely have been a Mandarin (which is wholly +insupportable, for there is no pretence of his grandmother ever having +been out of this country, or of any Mandarin having been in it within +some years of his father's birth; except those in the tea-shops, which +cannot for a moment be regarded as having any bearing on the question, +one way or other), rejecting this hypothesis, is it not manifest that +Mr Toby Chuzzlewit had either received the name imperfectly from his +father, or that he had forgotten it, or that he had mispronounced it? +and that even at the recent period in question, the Chuzzlewits were +connected by a bend sinister, or kind of heraldic over-the-left, with +some unknown noble and illustrious House? + +From documentary evidence, yet preserved in the family, the fact is +clearly established that in the comparatively modern days of the Diggory +Chuzzlewit before mentioned, one of its members had attained to +very great wealth and influence. Throughout such fragments of his +correspondence as have escaped the ravages of the moths (who, in right +of their extensive absorption of the contents of deeds and papers, may +be called the general registers of the Insect World), we find him making +constant reference to an uncle, in respect of whom he would seem to have +entertained great expectations, as he was in the habit of seeking to +propitiate his favour by presents of plate, jewels, books, watches, and +other valuable articles. Thus, he writes on one occasion to his +brother in reference to a gravy-spoon, the brother's property, which he +(Diggory) would appear to have borrowed or otherwise possessed himself +of: 'Do not be angry, I have parted with it--to my uncle.' On another +occasion he expresses himself in a similar manner with regard to a +child's mug which had been entrusted to him to get repaired. On another +occasion he says, 'I have bestowed upon that irresistible uncle of mine +everything I ever possessed.' And that he was in the habit of paying +long and constant visits to this gentleman at his mansion, if, indeed, +he did not wholly reside there, is manifest from the following sentence: +'With the exception of the suit of clothes I carry about with me, +the whole of my wearing apparel is at present at my uncle's.' This +gentleman's patronage and influence must have been very extensive, for +his nephew writes, 'His interest is too high'--'It is too much'--'It is +tremendous'--and the like. Still it does not appear (which is strange) +to have procured for him any lucrative post at court or elsewhere, or +to have conferred upon him any other distinction than that which was +necessarily included in the countenance of so great a man, and the being +invited by him to certain entertainment's, so splendid and costly in +their nature, that he calls them 'Golden Balls.' + +It is needless to multiply instances of the high and lofty station, and +the vast importance of the Chuzzlewits, at different periods. If it +came within the scope of reasonable probability that further proofs were +required, they might be heaped upon each other until they formed an Alps +of testimony, beneath which the boldest scepticism should be crushed +and beaten flat. As a goodly tumulus is already collected, and decently +battened up above the Family grave, the present chapter is content to +leave it as it is: merely adding, by way of a final spadeful, that many +Chuzzlewits, both male and female, are proved to demonstration, on the +faith of letters written by their own mothers, to have had chiselled +noses, undeniable chins, forms that might have served the sculptor for a +model, exquisitely-turned limbs and polished foreheads of so transparent +a texture that the blue veins might be seen branching off in various +directions, like so many roads on an ethereal map. This fact in itself, +though it had been a solitary one, would have utterly settled and +clenched the business in hand; for it is well known, on the authority +of all the books which treat of such matters, that every one of these +phenomena, but especially that of the chiselling, are invariably +peculiar to, and only make themselves apparent in, persons of the very +best condition. + +This history having, to its own perfect satisfaction, (and, +consequently, to the full contentment of all its readers,) proved the +Chuzzlewits to have had an origin, and to have been at one time or other +of an importance which cannot fail to render them highly improving and +acceptable acquaintance to all right-minded individuals, may now proceed +in earnest with its task. And having shown that they must have had, by +reason of their ancient birth, a pretty large share in the foundation +and increase of the human family, it will one day become its province to +submit, that such of its members as shall be introduced in these pages, +have still many counterparts and prototypes in the Great World about us. +At present it contents itself with remarking, in a general way, on this +head: Firstly, that it may be safely asserted, and yet without +implying any direct participation in the Manboddo doctrine touching the +probability of the human race having once been monkeys, that men do +play very strange and extraordinary tricks. Secondly, and yet without +trenching on the Blumenbach theory as to the descendants of Adam having +a vast number of qualities which belong more particularly to swine than +to any other class of animals in the creation, that some men certainly +are remarkable for taking uncommon good care of themselves. + + + +CHAPTER TWO + +WHEREIN CERTAIN PERSONS ARE PRESENTED TO THE READER, WITH WHOM HE MAY, +IF HE PLEASE, BECOME BETTER ACQUAINTED + + +It was pretty late in the autumn of the year, when the declining sun +struggling through the mist which had obscured it all day, looked +brightly down upon a little Wiltshire village, within an easy journey of +the fair old town of Salisbury. + +Like a sudden flash of memory or spirit kindling up the mind of an old +man, it shed a glory upon the scene, in which its departed youth and +freshness seemed to live again. The wet grass sparkled in the light; +the scanty patches of verdure in the hedges--where a few green twigs +yet stood together bravely, resisting to the last the tyranny of nipping +winds and early frosts--took heart and brightened up; the stream which +had been dull and sullen all day long, broke out into a cheerful smile; +the birds began to chirp and twitter on the naked boughs, as though the +hopeful creatures half believed that winter had gone by, and spring +had come already. The vane upon the tapering spire of the old church +glistened from its lofty station in sympathy with the general gladness; +and from the ivy-shaded windows such gleams of light shone back upon +the glowing sky, that it seemed as if the quiet buildings were the +hoarding-place of twenty summers, and all their ruddiness and warmth +were stored within. + +Even those tokens of the season which emphatically whispered of the +coming winter, graced the landscape, and, for the moment, tinged its +livelier features with no oppressive air of sadness. The fallen leaves, +with which the ground was strewn, gave forth a pleasant fragrance, and +subduing all harsh sounds of distant feet and wheels created a repose +in gentle unison with the light scattering of seed hither and thither by +the distant husbandman, and with the noiseless passage of the plough as +it turned up the rich brown earth, and wrought a graceful pattern in +the stubbled fields. On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn +berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards +where the fruits were jewels; others stripped of all their garniture, +stood, each the centre of its little heap of bright red leaves, watching +their slow decay; others again, still wearing theirs, had them all +crunched and crackled up, as though they had been burnt; about the stems +of some were piled, in ruddy mounds, the apples they had borne that +year; while others (hardy evergreens this class) showed somewhat stern +and gloomy in their vigour, as charged by nature with the admonition +that it is not to her more sensitive and joyous favourites she grants +the longest term of life. Still athwart their darker boughs, the +sunbeams struck out paths of deeper gold; and the red light, mantling in +among their swarthy branches, used them as foils to set its brightness +off, and aid the lustre of the dying day. + +A moment, and its glory was no more. The sun went down beneath the long +dark lines of hill and cloud which piled up in the west an airy city, +wall heaped on wall, and battlement on battlement; the light was all +withdrawn; the shining church turned cold and dark; the stream forgot +to smile; the birds were silent; and the gloom of winter dwelt on +everything. + +An evening wind uprose too, and the slighter branches cracked and +rattled as they moved, in skeleton dances, to its moaning music. The +withering leaves no longer quiet, hurried to and fro in search of +shelter from its chill pursuit; the labourer unyoked his horses, and +with head bent down, trudged briskly home beside them; and from the +cottage windows lights began to glance and wink upon the darkening +fields. + +Then the village forge came out in all its bright importance. The lusty +bellows roared Ha ha! to the clear fire, which roared in turn, and bade +the shining sparks dance gayly to the merry clinking of the hammers on +the anvil. The gleaming iron, in its emulation, sparkled too, and shed +its red-hot gems around profusely. The strong smith and his men dealt +such strokes upon their work, as made even the melancholy night rejoice, +and brought a glow into its dark face as it hovered about the door and +windows, peeping curiously in above the shoulders of a dozen loungers. +As to this idle company, there they stood, spellbound by the place, and, +casting now and then a glance upon the darkness in their rear, settled +their lazy elbows more at ease upon the sill, and leaned a little +further in: no more disposed to tear themselves away than if they had +been born to cluster round the blazing hearth like so many crickets. + +Out upon the angry wind! how from sighing, it began to bluster round the +merry forge, banging at the wicket, and grumbling in the chimney, as if +it bullied the jolly bellows for doing anything to order. And what an +impotent swaggerer it was too, for all its noise; for if it had any +influence on that hoarse companion, it was but to make him roar his +cheerful song the louder, and by consequence to make the fire burn +the brighter, and the sparks to dance more gayly yet; at length, they +whizzed so madly round and round, that it was too much for such a surly +wind to bear; so off it flew with a howl giving the old sign before the +ale-house door such a cuff as it went, that the Blue Dragon was more +rampant than usual ever afterwards, and indeed, before Christmas, reared +clean out of its crazy frame. + +It was small tyranny for a respectable wind to go wreaking its vengeance +on such poor creatures as the fallen leaves, but this wind happening to +come up with a great heap of them just after venting its humour on the +insulted Dragon, did so disperse and scatter them that they fled away, +pell-mell, some here, some there, rolling over each other, whirling +round and round upon their thin edges, taking frantic flights into the +air, and playing all manner of extraordinary gambols in the extremity +of their distress. Nor was this enough for its malicious fury; for not +content with driving them abroad, it charged small parties of them and +hunted them into the wheel wright's saw-pit, and below the planks and +timbers in the yard, and, scattering the sawdust in the air, it looked +for them underneath, and when it did meet with any, whew! how it drove +them on and followed at their heels! + +The scared leaves only flew the faster for all this, and a giddy chase +it was; for they got into unfrequented places, where there was no +outlet, and where their pursuer kept them eddying round and round at his +pleasure; and they crept under the eaves of houses, and clung tightly to +the sides of hay-ricks, like bats; and tore in at open chamber windows, +and cowered close to hedges; and, in short, went anywhere for safety. +But the oddest feat they achieved was, to take advantage of the sudden +opening of Mr Pecksniff's front-door, to dash wildly into his passage; +whither the wind following close upon them, and finding the back-door +open, incontinently blew out the lighted candle held by Miss Pecksniff, +and slammed the front-door against Mr Pecksniff who was at that moment +entering, with such violence, that in the twinkling of an eye he lay on +his back at the bottom of the steps. Being by this time weary of such +trifling performances, the boisterous rover hurried away rejoicing, +roaring over moor and meadow, hill and flat, until it got out to sea, +where it met with other winds similarly disposed, and made a night of +it. + +In the meantime Mr Pecksniff, having received from a sharp angle in the +bottom step but one, that sort of knock on the head which lights up, for +the patient's entertainment, an imaginary general illumination of very +bright short-sixes, lay placidly staring at his own street door. And it +would seem to have been more suggestive in its aspect than street +doors usually are; for he continued to lie there, rather a lengthy and +unreasonable time, without so much as wondering whether he was hurt +or no; neither, when Miss Pecksniff inquired through the key-hole in a +shrill voice, which might have belonged to a wind in its teens, 'Who's +there' did he make any reply; nor, when Miss Pecksniff opened the door +again, and shading the candle with her hand, peered out, and looked +provokingly round him, and about him, and over him, and everywhere but +at him, did he offer any remark, or indicate in any manner the least +hint of a desire to be picked up. + +'I see you,' cried Miss Pecksniff, to the ideal inflicter of a runaway +knock. 'You'll catch it, sir!' + +Still Mr Pecksniff, perhaps from having caught it already, said nothing. + +'You're round the corner now,' cried Miss Pecksniff. She said it at a +venture, but there was appropriate matter in it too; for Mr Pecksniff, +being in the act of extinguishing the candles before mentioned pretty +rapidly, and of reducing the number of brass knobs on his street door +from four or five hundred (which had previously been juggling of their +own accord before his eyes in a very novel manner) to a dozen or so, +might in one sense have been said to be coming round the corner, and +just turning it. + +With a sharply delivered warning relative to the cage and the constable, +and the stocks and the gallows, Miss Pecksniff was about to close the +door again, when Mr Pecksniff (being still at the bottom of the steps) +raised himself on one elbow, and sneezed. + +'That voice!' cried Miss Pecksniff. 'My parent!' + +At this exclamation, another Miss Pecksniff bounced out of the parlour; +and the two Miss Pecksniffs, with many incoherent expressions, dragged +Mr Pecksniff into an upright posture. + +'Pa!' they cried in concert. 'Pa! Speak, Pa! Do not look so wild my +dearest Pa!' + +But as a gentleman's looks, in such a case of all others, are by no +means under his own control, Mr Pecksniff continued to keep his mouth +and his eyes very wide open, and to drop his lower jaw, somewhat after +the manner of a toy nut-cracker; and as his hat had fallen off, and his +face was pale, and his hair erect, and his coat muddy, the spectacle he +presented was so very doleful, that neither of the Miss Pecksniffs could +repress an involuntary screech. + +'That'll do,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'I'm better.' + +'He's come to himself!' cried the youngest Miss Pecksniff. + +'He speaks again!' exclaimed the eldest. + +With these joyful words they kissed Mr Pecksniff on either cheek; and +bore him into the house. Presently, the youngest Miss Pecksniff ran +out again to pick up his hat, his brown paper parcel, his umbrella, his +gloves, and other small articles; and that done, and the door closed, +both young ladies applied themselves to tending Mr Pecksniff's wounds in +the back parlour. + +They were not very serious in their nature; being limited to abrasions +on what the eldest Miss Pecksniff called 'the knobby parts' of her +parent's anatomy, such as his knees and elbows, and to the development +of an entirely new organ, unknown to phrenologists, on the back of his +head. These injuries having been comforted externally, with patches of +pickled brown paper, and Mr Pecksniff having been comforted internally, +with some stiff brandy-and-water, the eldest Miss Pecksniff sat down +to make the tea, which was all ready. In the meantime the youngest Miss +Pecksniff brought from the kitchen a smoking dish of ham and eggs, and, +setting the same before her father, took up her station on a low stool +at his feet; thereby bringing her eyes on a level with the teaboard. + +It must not be inferred from this position of humility, that the +youngest Miss Pecksniff was so young as to be, as one may say, forced to +sit upon a stool, by reason of the shortness of her legs. Miss Pecksniff +sat upon a stool because of her simplicity and innocence, which were +very great, very great. Miss Pecksniff sat upon a stool because she was +all girlishness, and playfulness, and wildness, and kittenish buoyancy. +She was the most arch and at the same time the most artless creature, +was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, that you can possibly imagine. It +was her great charm. She was too fresh and guileless, and too full of +child-like vivacity, was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, to wear combs in +her hair, or to turn it up, or to frizzle it, or braid it. She wore it +in a crop, a loosely flowing crop, which had so many rows of curls in +it, that the top row was only one curl. Moderately buxom was her shape, +and quite womanly too; but sometimes--yes, sometimes--she even wore +a pinafore; and how charming THAT was! Oh! she was indeed 'a gushing +thing' (as a young gentleman had observed in verse, in the Poet's Corner +of a provincial newspaper), was the youngest Miss Pecksniff! + +Mr Pecksniff was a moral man--a grave man, a man of noble sentiments and +speech--and he had had her christened Mercy. Mercy! oh, what a charming +name for such a pure-souled Being as the youngest Miss Pecksniff! Her +sister's name was Charity. There was a good thing! Mercy and Charity! +And Charity, with her fine strong sense and her mild, yet not +reproachful gravity, was so well named, and did so well set off and +illustrate her sister! What a pleasant sight was that the contrast +they presented; to see each loved and loving one sympathizing with, and +devoted to, and leaning on, and yet correcting and counter-checking, +and, as it were, antidoting, the other! To behold each damsel in her +very admiration of her sister, setting up in business for herself on +an entirely different principle, and announcing no connection with +over-the-way, and if the quality of goods at that establishment don't +please you, you are respectfully invited to favour ME with a call! And +the crowning circumstance of the whole delightful catalogue was, that +both the fair creatures were so utterly unconscious of all this! +They had no idea of it. They no more thought or dreamed of it than Mr +Pecksniff did. Nature played them off against each other; THEY had no +hand in it, the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +It has been remarked that Mr Pecksniff was a moral man. So he was. +Perhaps there never was a more moral man than Mr Pecksniff, especially +in his conversation and correspondence. It was once said of him by a +homely admirer, that he had a Fortunatus's purse of good sentiments in +his inside. In this particular he was like the girl in the fairy tale, +except that if they were not actual diamonds which fell from his lips, +they were the very brightest paste, and shone prodigiously. He was a +most exemplary man; fuller of virtuous precept than a copy book. Some +people likened him to a direction-post, which is always telling the +way to a place, and never goes there; but these were his enemies, the +shadows cast by his brightness; that was all. His very throat was moral. +You saw a good deal of it. You looked over a very low fence of white +cravat (whereof no man had ever beheld the tie for he fastened it +behind), and there it lay, a valley between two jutting heights of +collar, serene and whiskerless before you. It seemed to say, on the part +of Mr Pecksniff, 'There is no deception, ladies and gentlemen, all is +peace, a holy calm pervades me.' So did his hair, just grizzled with +an iron-grey which was all brushed off his forehead, and stood bolt +upright, or slightly drooped in kindred action with his heavy eyelids. +So did his person, which was sleek though free from corpulency. So did +his manner, which was soft and oily. In a word, even his plain black +suit, and state of widower and dangling double eye-glass, all tended to +the same purpose, and cried aloud, 'Behold the moral Pecksniff!' + +The brazen plate upon the door (which being Mr Pecksniff's, could +not lie) bore this inscription, 'PECKSNIFF, ARCHITECT,' to which Mr +Pecksniff, on his cards of business, added, AND LAND SURVEYOR.' In one +sense, and only one, he may be said to have been a Land Surveyor on a +pretty large scale, as an extensive prospect lay stretched out before +the windows of his house. Of his architectural doings, nothing was +clearly known, except that he had never designed or built anything; but +it was generally understood that his knowledge of the science was almost +awful in its profundity. + +Mr Pecksniff's professional engagements, indeed, were almost, if not +entirely, confined to the reception of pupils; for the collection of +rents, with which pursuit he occasionally varied and relieved his graver +toils, can hardly be said to be a strictly architectural employment. His +genius lay in ensnaring parents and guardians, and pocketing premiums. A +young gentleman's premium being paid, and the young gentleman come to +Mr Pecksniff's house, Mr Pecksniff borrowed his case of mathematical +instruments (if silver-mounted or otherwise valuable); entreated him, +from that moment, to consider himself one of the family; complimented +him highly on his parents or guardians, as the case might be; and +turned him loose in a spacious room on the two-pair front; where, in the +company of certain drawing-boards, parallel rulers, very stiff-legged +compasses, and two, or perhaps three, other young gentlemen, he improved +himself, for three or five years, according to his articles, in making +elevations of Salisbury Cathedral from every possible point of sight; +and in constructing in the air a vast quantity of Castles, Houses of +Parliament, and other Public Buildings. Perhaps in no place in the +world were so many gorgeous edifices of this class erected as under +Mr Pecksniff's auspices; and if but one-twentieth part of the churches +which were built in that front room, with one or other of the Miss +Pecksniffs at the altar in the act of marrying the architect, could only +be made available by the parliamentary commissioners, no more churches +would be wanted for at least five centuries. + +'Even the worldly goods of which we have just disposed,' said Mr +Pecksniff, glancing round the table when he had finished, 'even cream, +sugar, tea, toast, ham--' + +'And eggs,' suggested Charity in a low voice. + +'And eggs,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'even they have their moral. See how they +come and go! Every pleasure is transitory. We can't even eat, long. +If we indulge in harmless fluids, we get the dropsy; if in exciting +liquids, we get drunk. What a soothing reflection is that!' + +'Don't say WE get drunk, Pa,' urged the eldest Miss Pecksniff. + +'When I say we, my dear,' returned her father, 'I mean mankind in +general; the human race, considered as a body, and not as individuals. +There is nothing personal in morality, my love. Even such a thing as +this,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying the fore-finger of his left hand upon +the brown paper patch on the top of his head, 'slight casual baldness +though it be, reminds us that we are but'--he was going to say 'worms,' +but recollecting that worms were not remarkable for heads of hair, he +substituted 'flesh and blood.' + +'Which,' cried Mr Pecksniff after a pause, during which he seemed to +have been casting about for a new moral, and not quite successfully, +'which is also very soothing. Mercy, my dear, stir the fire and throw up +the cinders.' + +The young lady obeyed, and having done so, resumed her stool, reposed +one arm upon her father's knee, and laid her blooming cheek upon +it. Miss Charity drew her chair nearer the fire, as one prepared for +conversation, and looked towards her father. + +'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a short pause, during which he had been +silently smiling, and shaking his head at the fire--'I have again been +fortunate in the attainment of my object. A new inmate will very shortly +come among us.' + +'A youth, papa?' asked Charity. + +'Ye-es, a youth,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'He will avail himself of the +eligible opportunity which now offers, for uniting the advantages of the +best practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and +the constant association with some who (however humble their sphere, +and limited their capacity) are not unmindful of their moral +responsibilities.' + +'Oh Pa!' cried Mercy, holding up her finger archly. 'See advertisement!' + +'Playful--playful warbler,' said Mr Pecksniff. It may be observed in +connection with his calling his daughter a 'warbler,' that she was not +at all vocal, but that Mr Pecksniff was in the frequent habit of using +any word that occurred to him as having a good sound, and rounding a +sentence well without much care for its meaning. And he did this so +boldly, and in such an imposing manner, that he would sometimes stagger +the wisest people with his eloquence, and make them gasp again. + +His enemies asserted, by the way, that a strong trustfulness in sounds +and forms was the master-key to Mr Pecksniff's character. + +'Is he handsome, Pa?' inquired the younger daughter. + +'Silly Merry!' said the eldest: Merry being fond for Mercy. 'What is the +premium, Pa? tell us that.' + +'Oh, good gracious, Cherry!' cried Miss Mercy, holding up her hands with +the most winning giggle in the world, 'what a mercenary girl you are! oh +you naughty, thoughtful, prudent thing!' + +It was perfectly charming, and worthy of the Pastoral age, to see how +the two Miss Pecksniffs slapped each other after this, and then subsided +into an embrace expressive of their different dispositions. + +'He is well looking,' said Mr Pecksniff, slowly and distinctly; 'well +looking enough. I do not positively expect any immediate premium with +him.' + +Notwithstanding their different natures, both Charity and Mercy +concurred in opening their eyes uncommonly wide at this announcement, +and in looking for the moment as blank as if their thoughts had actually +had a direct bearing on the main chance. + +'But what of that!' said Mr Pecksniff, still smiling at the fire. 'There +is disinterestedness in the world, I hope? We are not all arrayed in two +opposite ranks; the OFfensive and the DEfensive. Some few there are +who walk between; who help the needy as they go; and take no part with +either side. Umph!' + +There was something in these morsels of philanthropy which reassured the +sisters. They exchanged glances, and brightened very much. + +'Oh! let us not be for ever calculating, devising, and plotting for the +future,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling more and more, and looking at the +fire as a man might, who was cracking a joke with it: 'I am weary of +such arts. If our inclinations are but good and open-hearted, let us +gratify them boldly, though they bring upon us Loss instead of Profit. +Eh, Charity?' + +Glancing towards his daughters for the first time since he had begun +these reflections, and seeing that they both smiled, Mr Pecksniff eyed +them for an instant so jocosely (though still with a kind of saintly +waggishness) that the younger one was moved to sit upon his knee +forthwith, put her fair arms round his neck, and kiss him twenty times. +During the whole of this affectionate display she laughed to a most +immoderate extent: in which hilarious indulgence even the prudent Cherry +joined. + +'Tut, tut,' said Mr Pecksniff, pushing his latest-born away and running +his fingers through his hair, as he resumed his tranquil face. 'What +folly is this! Let us take heed how we laugh without reason lest we cry +with it. What is the domestic news since yesterday? John Westlock is +gone, I hope?' + +'Indeed, no,' said Charity. + +'And why not?' returned her father. 'His term expired yesterday. And his +box was packed, I know; for I saw it, in the morning, standing in the +hall.' + +'He slept last night at the Dragon,' returned the young lady, 'and had +Mr Pinch to dine with him. They spent the evening together, and Mr Pinch +was not home till very late.' + +'And when I saw him on the stairs this morning, Pa,' said Mercy with her +usual sprightliness, 'he looked, oh goodness, SUCH a monster! with his +face all manner of colours, and his eyes as dull as if they had been +boiled, and his head aching dreadfully, I am sure from the look of +it, and his clothes smelling, oh it's impossible to say how strong, +oh'--here the young lady shuddered--'of smoke and punch.' + +'Now I think,' said Mr Pecksniff with his accustomed gentleness, though +still with the air of one who suffered under injury without complaint, +'I think Mr Pinch might have done better than choose for his companion +one who, at the close of a long intercourse, had endeavoured, as he +knew, to wound my feelings. I am not quite sure that this was delicate +in Mr Pinch. I am not quite sure that this was kind in Mr Pinch. I will +go further and say, I am not quite sure that this was even ordinarily +grateful in Mr Pinch.' + +'But what can anyone expect from Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with as +strong and scornful an emphasis on the name as if it would have given +her unspeakable pleasure to express it, in an acted charade, on the calf +of that gentleman's leg. + +'Aye, aye,' returned her father, raising his hand mildly: 'it is +very well to say what can we expect from Mr Pinch, but Mr Pinch is +a fellow-creature, my dear; Mr Pinch is an item in the vast total of +humanity, my love; and we have a right, it is our duty, to expect in +Mr Pinch some development of those better qualities, the possession +of which in our own persons inspires our humble self-respect. No,' +continued Mr Pecksniff. 'No! Heaven forbid that I should say, nothing +can be expected from Mr Pinch; or that I should say, nothing can be +expected from any man alive (even the most degraded, which Mr Pinch is +not, no, really); but Mr Pinch has disappointed me; he has hurt me; +I think a little the worse of him on this account, but not if human +nature. Oh, no, no!' + +'Hark!' said Miss Charity, holding up her finger, as a gentle rap was +heard at the street door. 'There is the creature! Now mark my words, he +has come back with John Westlock for his box, and is going to help +him to take it to the mail. Only mark my words, if that isn't his +intention!' + +Even as she spoke, the box appeared to be in progress of conveyance from +the house, but after a brief murmuring of question and answer, it was +put down again, and somebody knocked at the parlour door. + +'Come in!' cried Mr Pecksniff--not severely; only virtuously. 'Come in!' + +An ungainly, awkward-looking man, extremely short-sighted, and +prematurely bald, availed himself of this permission; and seeing that +Mr Pecksniff sat with his back towards him, gazing at the fire, +stood hesitating, with the door in his hand. He was far from handsome +certainly; and was drest in a snuff-coloured suit, of an uncouth make at +the best, which, being shrunk with long wear, was twisted and tortured +into all kinds of odd shapes; but notwithstanding his attire, and his +clumsy figure, which a great stoop in his shoulders, and a ludicrous +habit he had of thrusting his head forward, by no means redeemed, one +would not have been disposed (unless Mr Pecksniff said so) to consider +him a bad fellow by any means. He was perhaps about thirty, but he might +have been almost any age between sixteen and sixty; being one of those +strange creatures who never decline into an ancient appearance, but look +their oldest when they are very young, and get it over at once. + +Keeping his hand upon the lock of the door, he glanced from Mr Pecksniff +to Mercy, from Mercy to Charity, and from Charity to Mr Pecksniff again, +several times; but the young ladies being as intent upon the fire as +their father was, and neither of the three taking any notice of him, he +was fain to say, at last, + +'Oh! I beg your pardon, Mr Pecksniff: I beg your pardon for intruding; +but--' + +'No intrusion, Mr Pinch,' said that gentleman very sweetly, but without +looking round. 'Pray be seated, Mr Pinch. Have the goodness to shut the +door, Mr Pinch, if you please.' + +'Certainly, sir,' said Pinch; not doing so, however, but holding it +rather wider open than before, and beckoning nervously to somebody +without: 'Mr Westlock, sir, hearing that you were come home--' + +'Mr Pinch, Mr Pinch!' said Pecksniff, wheeling his chair about, and +looking at him with an aspect of the deepest melancholy, 'I did not +expect this from you. I have not deserved this from you!' + +'No, but upon my word, sir--' urged Pinch. + +'The less you say, Mr Pinch,' interposed the other, 'the better. I utter +no complaint. Make no defence.' + +'No, but do have the goodness, sir,' cried Pinch, with great +earnestness, 'if you please. Mr Westlock, sir, going away for good and +all, wishes to leave none but friends behind him. Mr Westlock and you, +sir, had a little difference the other day; you have had many little +differences.' + +'Little differences!' cried Charity. + +'Little differences!' echoed Mercy. + +'My loves!' said Mr Pecksniff, with the same serene upraising of his +hand; 'My dears!' After a solemn pause he meekly bowed to Mr Pinch, as +who should say, 'Proceed;' but Mr Pinch was so very much at a loss how +to resume, and looked so helplessly at the two Miss Pecksniffs, that +the conversation would most probably have terminated there, if a +good-looking youth, newly arrived at man's estate, had not stepped +forward from the doorway and taken up the thread of the discourse. + +'Come, Mr Pecksniff,' he said, with a smile, 'don't let there be any +ill-blood between us, pray. I am sorry we have ever differed, and +extremely sorry I have ever given you offence. Bear me no ill-will at +parting, sir.' + +'I bear,' answered Mr Pecksniff, mildly, 'no ill-will to any man on +earth.' + +'I told you he didn't,' said Pinch, in an undertone; 'I knew he didn't! +He always says he don't.' + +'Then you will shake hands, sir?' cried Westlock, advancing a step or +two, and bespeaking Mr Pinch's close attention by a glance. + +'Umph!' said Mr Pecksniff, in his most winning tone. + +'You will shake hands, sir.' + +'No, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a calmness quite ethereal; 'no, I +will not shake hands, John. I have forgiven you. I had already forgiven +you, even before you ceased to reproach and taunt me. I have embraced +you in the spirit, John, which is better than shaking hands.' + +'Pinch,' said the youth, turning towards him, with a hearty disgust of +his late master, 'what did I tell you?' + +Poor Pinch looked down uneasily at Mr Pecksniff, whose eye was fixed +upon him as it had been from the first; and looking up at the ceiling +again, made no reply. + +'As to your forgiveness, Mr Pecksniff,' said the youth, 'I'll not have +it upon such terms. I won't be forgiven.' + +'Won't you, John?' retorted Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. 'You must. You +can't help it. Forgiveness is a high quality; an exalted virtue; far +above YOUR control or influence, John. I WILL forgive you. You cannot +move me to remember any wrong you have ever done me, John.' + +'Wrong!' cried the other, with all the heat and impetuosity of his age. +'Here's a pretty fellow! Wrong! Wrong I have done him! He'll not even +remember the five hundred pounds he had with me under false pretences; +or the seventy pounds a year for board and lodging that would have been +dear at seventeen! Here's a martyr!' + +'Money, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is the root of all evil. I grieve +to see that it is already bearing evil fruit in you. But I will not +remember its existence. I will not even remember the conduct of that +misguided person'--and here, although he spoke like one at peace with +all the world, he used an emphasis that plainly said "I have my eye +upon the rascal now"--'that misguided person who has brought you here +to-night, seeking to disturb (it is a happiness to say, in vain) the +heart's repose and peace of one who would have shed his dearest blood to +serve him.' + +The voice of Mr Pecksniff trembled as he spoke, and sobs were heard from +his daughters. Sounds floated on the air, moreover, as if two spirit +voices had exclaimed: one, 'Beast!' the other, 'Savage!' + +'Forgiveness,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'entire and pure forgiveness is not +incompatible with a wounded heart; perchance when the heart is wounded, +it becomes a greater virtue. With my breast still wrung and grieved to +its inmost core by the ingratitude of that person, I am proud and glad +to say that I forgive him. Nay! I beg,' cried Mr Pecksniff, raising his +voice, as Pinch appeared about to speak, 'I beg that individual not to +offer a remark; he will truly oblige me by not uttering one word, just +now. I am not sure that I am equal to the trial. In a very short space +of time, I shall have sufficient fortitude, I trust to converse with +him as if these events had never happened. But not,' said Mr Pecksniff, +turning round again towards the fire, and waving his hand in the +direction of the door, 'not now.' + +'Bah!' cried John Westlock, with the utmost disgust and disdain the +monosyllable is capable of expressing. 'Ladies, good evening. Come, +Pinch, it's not worth thinking of. I was right and you were wrong. +That's small matter; you'll be wiser another time.' + +So saying, he clapped that dejected companion on the shoulder, turned +upon his heel, and walked out into the passage, whither poor Mr +Pinch, after lingering irresolutely in the parlour for a few seconds, +expressing in his countenance the deepest mental misery and gloom +followed him. Then they took up the box between them, and sallied out to +meet the mail. + +That fleet conveyance passed, every night, the corner of a lane at some +distance; towards which point they bent their steps. For some minutes +they walked along in silence, until at length young Westlock burst into +a loud laugh, and at intervals into another, and another. Still there +was no response from his companion. + +'I'll tell you what, Pinch!' he said abruptly, after another lengthened +silence--'You haven't half enough of the devil in you. Half enough! You +haven't any.' + +'Well!' said Pinch with a sigh, 'I don't know, I'm sure. It's compliment +to say so. If I haven't, I suppose, I'm all the better for it.' + +'All the better!' repeated his companion tartly: 'All the worse, you +mean to say.' + +'And yet,' said Pinch, pursuing his own thoughts and not this last +remark on the part of his friend, 'I must have a good deal of what +you call the devil in me, too, or how could I make Pecksniff so +uncomfortable? I wouldn't have occasioned him so much distress--don't +laugh, please--for a mine of money; and Heaven knows I could find good +use for it too, John. How grieved he was!' + +'HE grieved!' returned the other. + +'Why didn't you observe that the tears were almost starting out of his +eyes!' cried Pinch. 'Bless my soul, John, is it nothing to see a man +moved to that extent and know one's self to be the cause! And did you +hear him say that he could have shed his blood for me?' + +'Do you WANT any blood shed for you?' returned his friend, with +considerable irritation. 'Does he shed anything for you that you DO +want? Does he shed employment for you, instruction for you, pocket +money for you? Does he shed even legs of mutton for you in any decent +proportion to potatoes and garden stuff?' + +'I am afraid,' said Pinch, sighing again, 'that I am a great eater; I +can't disguise from myself that I'm a great eater. Now, you know that, +John.' + +'You a great eater!' retorted his companion, with no less indignation +than before. 'How do you know you are?' + +There appeared to be forcible matter in this inquiry, for Mr Pinch only +repeated in an undertone that he had a strong misgiving on the subject, +and that he greatly feared he was. + +'Besides, whether I am or no,' he added, 'that has little or nothing to +do with his thinking me ungrateful. John, there is scarcely a sin in the +world that is in my eyes such a crying one as ingratitude; and when +he taxes me with that, and believes me to be guilty of it, he makes me +miserable and wretched.' + +'Do you think he don't know that?' returned the other scornfully. +'But come, Pinch, before I say anything more to you, just run over the +reasons you have for being grateful to him at all, will you? Change +hands first, for the box is heavy. That'll do. Now, go on.' + +'In the first place,' said Pinch, 'he took me as his pupil for much less +than he asked.' + +'Well,' rejoined his friend, perfectly unmoved by this instance of +generosity. 'What in the second place?' + +'What in the second place?' cried Pinch, in a sort of desperation, 'why, +everything in the second place. My poor old grandmother died happy to +think that she had put me with such an excellent man. I have grown up +in his house, I am in his confidence, I am his assistant, he allows me a +salary; when his business improves, my prospects are to improve too. +All this, and a great deal more, is in the second place. And in the very +prologue and preface to the first place, John, you must consider this, +which nobody knows better than I: that I was born for much plainer and +poorer things, that I am not a good hand for his kind of business, and +have no talent for it, or indeed for anything else but odds and ends +that are of no use or service to anybody.' + +He said this with so much earnestness, and in a tone so full of feeling, +that his companion instinctively changed his manner as he sat down on +the box (they had by this time reached the finger-post at the end of the +lane); motioned him to sit down beside him; and laid his hand upon his +shoulder. + +'I believe you are one of the best fellows in the world,' he said, 'Tom +Pinch.' + +'Not at all,' rejoined Tom. 'If you only knew Pecksniff as well as I do, +you might say it of him, indeed, and say it truly.' + +'I'll say anything of him, you like,' returned the other, 'and not +another word to his disparagement.' + +'It's for my sake, then; not his, I am afraid,' said Pinch, shaking his +head gravely. + +'For whose you please, Tom, so that it does please you. Oh! He's a +famous fellow! HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all your poor +grandmother's hard savings--she was a housekeeper, wasn't she, Tom?' + +'Yes,' said Mr Pinch, nursing one of his large knees, and nodding his +head; 'a gentleman's housekeeper.' + +'HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all her hard savings; +dazzling her with prospects of your happiness and advancement, which he +knew (and no man better) never would be realised! HE never speculated +and traded on her pride in you, and her having educated you, and on her +desire that you at least should live to be a gentleman. Not he, Tom!' + +'No,' said Tom, looking into his friend's face, as if he were a little +doubtful of his meaning. 'Of course not.' + +'So I say,' returned the youth, 'of course he never did. HE didn't take +less than he had asked, because that less was all she had, and more than +he expected; not he, Tom! He doesn't keep you as his assistant +because you are of any use to him; because your wonderful faith in his +pretensions is of inestimable service in all his mean disputes; because +your honesty reflects honesty on him; because your wandering about this +little place all your spare hours, reading in ancient books and foreign +tongues, gets noised abroad, even as far as Salisbury, making of him, +Pecksniff the master, a man of learning and of vast importance. HE gets +no credit from you, Tom, not he.' + +'Why, of course he don't,' said Pinch, gazing at his friend with a more +troubled aspect than before. 'Pecksniff get credit from me! Well!' + +'Don't I say that it's ridiculous,' rejoined the other, 'even to think +of such a thing?' + +'Why, it's madness,' said Tom. + +'Madness!' returned young Westlock. 'Certainly it's madness. Who but +a madman would suppose he cares to hear it said on Sundays, that the +volunteer who plays the organ in the church, and practises on summer +evenings in the dark, is Mr Pecksniff's young man, eh, Tom? Who but a +madman would suppose it is the game of such a man as he, to have his +name in everybody's mouth, connected with the thousand useless odds and +ends you do (and which, of course, he taught you), eh, Tom? Who but a +madman would suppose you advertised him hereabouts, much cheaper and +much better than a chalker on the walls could, eh, Tom? As well might +one suppose that he doesn't on all occasions pour out his whole heart +and soul to you; that he doesn't make you a very liberal and indeed +rather an extravagant allowance; or, to be more wild and monstrous +still, if that be possible, as well might one suppose,' and here, at +every word, he struck him lightly on the breast, 'that Pecksniff traded +in your nature, and that your nature was to be timid and distrustful +of yourself, and trustful of all other men, but most of all, of him who +least deserves it. There would be madness, Tom!' + +Mr Pinch had listened to all this with looks of bewilderment, which +seemed to be in part occasioned by the matter of his companion's speech, +and in part by his rapid and vehement manner. Now that he had come to a +close, he drew a very long breath; and gazing wistfully in his face as +if he were unable to settle in his own mind what expression it wore, and +were desirous to draw from it as good a clue to his real meaning as it +was possible to obtain in the dark, was about to answer, when the sound +of the mail guard's horn came cheerily upon their ears, putting +an immediate end to the conference; greatly as it seemed to the +satisfaction of the younger man, who jumped up briskly, and gave his +hand to his companion. + +'Both hands, Tom. I shall write to you from London, mind!' + +'Yes,' said Pinch. 'Yes. Do, please. Good-bye. Good-bye. I can hardly +believe you're going. It seems, now, but yesterday that you came. +Good-bye! my dear old fellow!' + +John Westlock returned his parting words with no less heartiness of +manner, and sprung up to his seat upon the roof. Off went the mail at +a canter down the dark road; the lamps gleaming brightly, and the horn +awakening all the echoes, far and wide. + +'Go your ways,' said Pinch, apostrophizing the coach; 'I can hardly +persuade myself but you're alive, and are some great monster who visits +this place at certain intervals, to bear my friends away into the world. +You're more exulting and rampant than usual tonight, I think; and you +may well crow over your prize; for he is a fine lad, an ingenuous lad, +and has but one fault that I know of; he don't mean it, but he is most +cruelly unjust to Pecksniff!' + + + +CHAPTER THREE + +IN WHICH CERTAIN OTHER PERSONS ARE INTRODUCED; ON THE SAME TERMS AS IN +THE LAST CHAPTER + + +Mention has been already made more than once, of a certain Dragon who +swung and creaked complainingly before the village alehouse door. A +faded, and an ancient dragon he was; and many a wintry storm of rain, +snow, sleet, and hail, had changed his colour from a gaudy blue to a +faint lack-lustre shade of grey. But there he hung; rearing, in a state +of monstrous imbecility, on his hind legs; waxing, with every month that +passed, so much more dim and shapeless, that as you gazed at him on +one side of the sign-board it seemed as if he must be gradually melting +through it, and coming out upon the other. + +He was a courteous and considerate dragon, too; or had been in his +distincter days; for in the midst of his rampant feebleness, he kept +one of his forepaws near his nose, as though he would say, 'Don't +mind me--it's only my fun;' while he held out the other in polite and +hospitable entreaty. Indeed it must be conceded to the whole brood +of dragons of modern times, that they have made a great advance in +civilisation and refinement. They no longer demand a beautiful virgin +for breakfast every morning, with as much regularity as any tame single +gentleman expects his hot roll, but rest content with the society of +idle bachelors and roving married men; and they are now remarkable +rather for holding aloof from the softer sex and discouraging their +visits (especially on Saturday nights), than for rudely insisting on +their company without any reference to their inclinations, as they are +known to have done in days of yore. + +Nor is this tribute to the reclaimed animals in question so wide a +digression into the realms of Natural History as it may, at first sight, +appear to be; for the present business of these pages in with the dragon +who had his retreat in Mr Pecksniff's neighbourhood, and that courteous +animal being already on the carpet, there is nothing in the way of its +immediate transaction. + +For many years, then, he had swung and creaked, and flapped himself +about, before the two windows of the best bedroom of that house of +entertainment to which he lent his name; but never in all his swinging, +creaking, and flapping, had there been such a stir within its dingy +precincts, as on the evening next after that upon which the incidents, +detailed in the last chapter occurred; when there was such a hurrying up +and down stairs of feet, such a glancing of lights, such a whispering +of voices, such a smoking and sputtering of wood newly lighted in a +damp chimney, such an airing of linen, such a scorching smell of hot +warming-pans, such a domestic bustle and to-do, in short, as never +dragon, griffin, unicorn, or other animal of that species presided over, +since they first began to interest themselves in household affairs. + +An old gentleman and a young lady, travelling, unattended, in a rusty +old chariot with post-horses; coming nobody knew whence and going nobody +knew whither; had turned out of the high road, and driven unexpectedly +to the Blue Dragon; and here was the old gentleman, who had taken this +step by reason of his sudden illness in the carriage, suffering the most +horrible cramps and spasms, yet protesting and vowing in the very midst +of his pain, that he wouldn't have a doctor sent for, and wouldn't take +any remedies but those which the young lady administered from a small +medicine-chest, and wouldn't, in a word, do anything but terrify the +landlady out of her five wits, and obstinately refuse compliance with +every suggestion that was made to him. + +Of all the five hundred proposals for his relief which the good woman +poured out in less than half an hour, he would entertain but one. That +was that he should go to bed. And it was in the preparation of his bed +and the arrangement of his chamber, that all the stir was made in the +room behind the Dragon. + +He was, beyond all question, very ill, and suffered exceedingly; not the +less, perhaps, because he was a strong and vigorous old man, with a will +of iron, and a voice of brass. But neither the apprehensions which +he plainly entertained, at times, for his life, nor the great pain he +underwent, influenced his resolution in the least degree. He would have +no person sent for. The worse he grew, the more rigid and inflexible he +became in his determination. If they sent for any person to attend him, +man, woman, or child, he would leave the house directly (so he told +them), though he quitted it on foot, and died upon the threshold of the +door. + +Now, there being no medical practitioner actually resident in the +village, but a poor apothecary who was also a grocer and general dealer, +the landlady had, upon her own responsibility, sent for him, in the +very first burst and outset of the disaster. Of course it followed, as +a necessary result of his being wanted, that he was not at home. He had +gone some miles away, and was not expected home until late at night; so +the landlady, being by this time pretty well beside herself, dispatched +the same messenger in all haste for Mr Pecksniff, as a learned man +who could bear a deal of responsibility, and a moral man who could +administer a world of comfort to a troubled mind. That her guest had +need of some efficient services under the latter head was obvious enough +from the restless expressions, importing, however, rather a worldly than +a spiritual anxiety, to which he gave frequent utterance. + +From this last-mentioned secret errand, the messenger returned with no +better news than from the first; Mr Pecksniff was not at home. However, +they got the patient into bed without him; and in the course of two +hours, he gradually became so far better that there were much longer +intervals than at first between his terms of suffering. By degrees, he +ceased to suffer at all; though his exhaustion was occasionally so great +that it suggested hardly less alarm than his actual endurance had done. + +It was in one of his intervals of repose, when, looking round with +great caution, and reaching uneasily out of his nest of pillows, he +endeavoured, with a strange air of secrecy and distrust, to make use +of the writing materials which he had ordered to be placed on a table +beside him, that the young lady and the mistress of the Blue Dragon +found themselves sitting side by side before the fire in the sick +chamber. + +The mistress of the Blue Dragon was in outward appearance just what a +landlady should be: broad, buxom, comfortable, and good looking, with a +face of clear red and white, which, by its jovial aspect, at once bore +testimony to her hearty participation in the good things of the larder +and cellar, and to their thriving and healthful influences. She was a +widow, but years ago had passed through her state of weeds, and burst +into flower again; and in full bloom she had continued ever since; and +in full bloom she was now; with roses on her ample skirts, and roses +on her bodice, roses in her cap, roses in her cheeks,--aye, and roses, +worth the gathering too, on her lips, for that matter. She had still a +bright black eye, and jet black hair; was comely, dimpled, plump, and +tight as a gooseberry; and though she was not exactly what the world +calls young, you may make an affidavit, on trust, before any mayor or +magistrate in Christendom, that there are a great many young ladies in +the world (blessings on them one and all!) whom you wouldn't like half +as well, or admire half as much, as the beaming hostess of the Blue +Dragon. + +As this fair matron sat beside the fire, she glanced occasionally with +all the pride of ownership, about the room; which was a large apartment, +such as one may see in country places, with a low roof and a sunken +flooring, all downhill from the door, and a descent of two steps on +the inside so exquisitely unexpected, that strangers, despite the +most elaborate cautioning, usually dived in head first, as into a +plunging-bath. It was none of your frivolous and preposterously bright +bedrooms, where nobody can close an eye with any kind of propriety or +decent regard to the association of ideas; but it was a good, dull, +leaden, drowsy place, where every article of furniture reminded you +that you came there to sleep, and that you were expected to go to sleep. +There was no wakeful reflection of the fire there, as in your modern +chambers, which upon the darkest nights have a watchful consciousness of +French polish; the old Spanish mahogany winked at it now and then, as +a dozing cat or dog might, nothing more. The very size and shape, and +hopeless immovability of the bedstead, and wardrobe, and in a minor +degree of even the chairs and tables, provoked sleep; they were plainly +apoplectic and disposed to snore. There were no staring portraits +to remonstrate with you for being lazy; no round-eyed birds upon the +curtains, disgustingly wide awake, and insufferably prying. The +thick neutral hangings, and the dark blinds, and the heavy heap +of bed-clothes, were all designed to hold in sleep, and act as +nonconductors to the day and getting up. Even the old stuffed fox upon +the top of the wardrobe was devoid of any spark of vigilance, for his +glass eye had fallen out, and he slumbered as he stood. + +The wandering attention of the mistress of the Blue Dragon roved to +these things but twice or thrice, and then for but an instant at a time. +It soon deserted them, and even the distant bed with its strange burden, +for the young creature immediately before her, who, with her downcast +eyes intently fixed upon the fire, sat wrapped in silent meditation. + +She was very young; apparently no more than seventeen; timid and +shrinking in her manner, and yet with a greater share of self possession +and control over her emotions than usually belongs to a far more +advanced period of female life. This she had abundantly shown, but now, +in her tending of the sick gentleman. She was short in stature; and her +figure was slight, as became her years; but all the charms of youth and +maidenhood set it off, and clustered on her gentle brow. Her face was +very pale, in part no doubt from recent agitation. Her dark brown hair, +disordered from the same cause, had fallen negligently from its bonds, +and hung upon her neck; for which instance of its waywardness no male +observer would have had the heart to blame it. + +Her attire was that of a lady, but extremely plain; and in her manner, +even when she sat as still as she did then, there was an indefinable +something which appeared to be in kindred with her scrupulously +unpretending dress. She had sat, at first looking anxiously towards the +bed; but seeing that the patient remained quiet, and was busy with his +writing, she had softly moved her chair into its present place; partly, +as it seemed, from an instinctive consciousness that he desired to avoid +observation; and partly that she might, unseen by him, give some vent to +the natural feelings she had hitherto suppressed. + +Of all this, and much more, the rosy landlady of the Blue Dragon took +as accurate note and observation as only woman can take of woman. And at +length she said, in a voice too low, she knew, to reach the bed: + +'You have seen the gentleman in this way before, miss? Is he used to +these attacks?' + +'I have seen him very ill before, but not so ill as he has been +tonight.' + +'What a Providence!' said the landlady of the Dragon, 'that you had the +prescriptions and the medicines with you, miss!' + +'They are intended for such an emergency. We never travel without them.' + +'Oh!' thought the hostess, 'then we are in the habit of travelling, and +of travelling together.' + +She was so conscious of expressing this in her face, that meeting +the young lady's eyes immediately afterwards, and being a very honest +hostess, she was rather confused. + +'The gentleman--your grandpapa'--she resumed, after a short pause, +'being so bent on having no assistance, must terrify you very much, +miss?' + +'I have been very much alarmed to-night. He--he is not my grandfather.' + +'Father, I should have said,' returned the hostess, sensible of having +made an awkward mistake. + +'Nor my father' said the young lady. 'Nor,' she added, slightly smiling +with a quick perception of what the landlady was going to add, 'Nor my +uncle. We are not related.' + +'Oh dear me!' returned the landlady, still more embarrassed than before; +'how could I be so very much mistaken; knowing, as anybody in their +proper senses might that when a gentleman is ill, he looks so much older +than he really is? That I should have called you "Miss," too, ma'am!' +But when she had proceeded thus far, she glanced involuntarily at the +third finger of the young lady's left hand, and faltered again; for +there was no ring upon it. + +'When I told you we were not related,' said the other mildly, but not +without confusion on her own part, 'I meant not in any way. Not even by +marriage. Did you call me, Martin?' + +'Call you?' cried the old man, looking quickly up, and hurriedly drawing +beneath the coverlet the paper on which he had been writing. 'No.' + +She had moved a pace or two towards the bed, but stopped immediately, +and went no farther. + +'No,' he repeated, with a petulant emphasis. 'Why do you ask me? If I +had called you, what need for such a question?' + +'It was the creaking of the sign outside, sir, I dare say,' observed the +landlady; a suggestion by the way (as she felt a moment after she had +made it), not at all complimentary to the voice of the old gentleman. + +'No matter what, ma'am,' he rejoined: 'it wasn't I. Why how you stand +there, Mary, as if I had the plague! But they're all afraid of me,' he +added, leaning helplessly backward on his pillow; 'even she! There is a +curse upon me. What else have I to look for?' + +'Oh dear, no. Oh no, I'm sure,' said the good-tempered landlady, rising, +and going towards him. 'Be of better cheer, sir. These are only sick +fancies.' + +'What are only sick fancies?' he retorted. 'What do you know about +fancies? Who told you about fancies? The old story! Fancies!' + +'Only see again there, how you take one up!' said the mistress of the +Blue Dragon, with unimpaired good humour. 'Dear heart alive, there is +no harm in the word, sir, if it is an old one. Folks in good health have +their fancies, too, and strange ones, every day.' + +Harmless as this speech appeared to be, it acted on the traveller's +distrust, like oil on fire. He raised his head up in the bed, and, +fixing on her two dark eyes whose brightness was exaggerated by the +paleness of his hollow cheeks, as they in turn, together with his +straggling locks of long grey hair, were rendered whiter by the tight +black velvet skullcap which he wore, he searched her face intently. + +'Ah! you begin too soon,' he said, in so low a voice that he seemed to +be thinking it, rather than addressing her. 'But you lose no time. You +do your errand, and you earn your fee. Now, who may be your client?' + +The landlady looked in great astonishment at her whom he called Mary, +and finding no rejoinder in the drooping face, looked back again at him. +At first she had recoiled involuntarily, supposing him disordered in +his mind; but the slow composure of his manner, and the settled purpose +announced in his strong features, and gathering, most of all, about his +puckered mouth, forbade the supposition. + +'Come,' he said, 'tell me who is it? Being here, it is not very hard for +me to guess, you may suppose.' + +'Martin,' interposed the young lady, laying her hand upon his arm; +'reflect how short a time we have been in this house, and that even your +name is unknown here.' + +'Unless,' he said, 'you--' He was evidently tempted to express a +suspicion of her having broken his confidence in favour of the landlady, +but either remembering her tender nursing, or being moved in some sort +by her face, he checked himself, and changing his uneasy posture in the +bed, was silent. + +'There!' said Mrs Lupin; for in that name the Blue Dragon was licensed +to furnish entertainment, both to man and beast. 'Now, you will be well +again, sir. You forgot, for the moment, that there were none but friends +here.' + +'Oh!' cried the old man, moaning impatiently, as he tossed one restless +arm upon the coverlet; 'why do you talk to me of friends! Can you or +anybody teach me to know who are my friends, and who my enemies?' + +'At least,' urged Mrs Lupin, gently, 'this young lady is your friend, I +am sure.' + +'She has no temptation to be otherwise,' cried the old man, like one +whose hope and confidence were utterly exhausted. 'I suppose she is. +Heaven knows. There, let me try to sleep. Leave the candle where it is.' + +As they retired from the bed, he drew forth the writing which had +occupied him so long, and holding it in the flame of the taper burnt +it to ashes. That done, he extinguished the light, and turning his face +away with a heavy sigh, drew the coverlet about his head, and lay quite +still. + +This destruction of the paper, both as being strangely inconsistent with +the labour he had devoted to it, and as involving considerable danger of +fire to the Dragon, occasioned Mrs Lupin not a little consternation. But +the young lady evincing no surprise, curiosity, or alarm, whispered her, +with many thanks for her solicitude and company, that she would remain +there some time longer; and that she begged her not to share her watch, +as she was well used to being alone, and would pass the time in reading. + +Mrs Lupin had her full share and dividend of that large capital of +curiosity which is inherited by her sex, and at another time it might +have been difficult so to impress this hint upon her as to induce her to +take it. But now, in sheer wonder and amazement at these mysteries, she +withdrew at once, and repairing straightway to her own little parlour +below stairs, sat down in her easy-chair with unnatural composure. +At this very crisis, a step was heard in the entry, and Mr Pecksniff, +looking sweetly over the half-door of the bar, and into the vista of +snug privacy beyond, murmured: + +'Good evening, Mrs Lupin!' + +'Oh dear me, sir!' she cried, advancing to receive him, 'I am so very +glad you have come.' + +'And I am very glad I have come,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'if I can be of +service. I am very glad I have come. What is the matter, Mrs Lupin?' + +'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, +sir,' said the tearful hostess. + +'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, has +he?' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'Well, well!' + +Now there was nothing that one may call decidedly original in this +remark, nor can it be exactly said to have contained any wise precept +theretofore unknown to mankind, or to have opened any hidden source of +consolation; but Mr Pecksniff's manner was so bland, and he nodded his +head so soothingly, and showed in everything such an affable sense of +his own excellence, that anybody would have been, as Mrs Lupin was, +comforted by the mere voice and presence of such a man; and, though he +had merely said 'a verb must agree with its nominative case in number +and person, my good friend,' or 'eight times eight are sixty-four, my +worthy soul,' must have felt deeply grateful to him for his humanity and +wisdom. + +'And how,' asked Mr Pecksniff, drawing off his gloves and warming his +hands before the fire, as benevolently as if they were somebody else's, +not his; 'and how is he now?' + +'He is better, and quite tranquil,' answered Mrs Lupin. + +'He is better, and quite tranquil,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Very well! Ve-ry +well!' + +Here again, though the statement was Mrs Lupin's and not Mr Pecksniff's, +Mr Pecksniff made it his own and consoled her with it. It was not much +when Mrs Lupin said it, but it was a whole book when Mr Pecksniff said +it. 'I observe,' he seemed to say, 'and through me, morality in general +remarks, that he is better and quite tranquil.' + +'There must be weighty matters on his mind, though,' said the hostess, +shaking her head, 'for he talks, sir, in the strangest way you ever +heard. He is far from easy in his thoughts, and wants some proper advice +from those whose goodness makes it worth his having.' + +'Then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'he is the sort of customer for me.' But +though he said this in the plainest language, he didn't speak a word. He +only shook his head; disparagingly of himself too. + +'I am afraid, sir,' continued the landlady, first looking round to +assure herself that there was nobody within hearing, and then looking +down upon the floor. 'I am very much afraid, sir, that his conscience +is troubled by his not being related to--or--or even married to--a very +young lady--' + +'Mrs Lupin!' said Mr Pecksniff, holding up his hand with something in +his manner as nearly approaching to severity as any expression of his, +mild being that he was, could ever do. 'Person! young person?' + +'A very young person,' said Mrs Lupin, curtseying and blushing; '--I beg +your pardon, sir, but I have been so hurried to-night, that I don't know +what I say--who is with him now.' + +'Who is with him now,' ruminated Mr Pecksniff, warming his back (as he +had warmed his hands) as if it were a widow's back, or an orphan's back, +or an enemy's back, or a back that any less excellent man would have +suffered to be cold. 'Oh dear me, dear me!' + +'At the same time I am bound to say, and I do say with all my heart,' +observed the hostess, earnestly, 'that her looks and manner almost +disarm suspicion.' + +'Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,' said Mr Pecksniff gravely, 'is very +natural.' + +Touching which remark, let it be written down to their confusion, that +the enemies of this worthy man unblushingly maintained that he always +said of what was very bad, that it was very natural; and that he +unconsciously betrayed his own nature in doing so. + +'Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,' he repeated, 'is very natural, and I have +no doubt correct. I will wait upon these travellers.' + +With that he took off his great-coat, and having run his fingers through +his hair, thrust one hand gently in the bosom of his waist-coat and +meekly signed to her to lead the way. + +'Shall I knock?' asked Mrs Lupin, when they reached the chamber door. + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'enter if you please.' + +They went in on tiptoe; or rather the hostess took that precaution for +Mr Pecksniff always walked softly. The old gentleman was still asleep, +and his young companion still sat reading by the fire. + +'I am afraid,' said Mr Pecksniff, pausing at the door, and giving +his head a melancholy roll, 'I am afraid that this looks artful. I am +afraid, Mrs Lupin, do you know, that this looks very artful!' + +As he finished this whisper, he advanced before the hostess; and at the +same time the young lady, hearing footsteps, rose. Mr Pecksniff glanced +at the volume she held, and whispered Mrs Lupin again; if possible, with +increased despondency. + +'Yes, ma'am,' he said, 'it is a good book. I was fearful of that +beforehand. I am apprehensive that this is a very deep thing indeed!' + +'What gentleman is this?' inquired the object of his virtuous doubts. + +'Hush! don't trouble yourself, ma'am,' said Mr Pecksniff, as the +landlady was about to answer. 'This young'--in spite of himself he +hesitated when "person" rose to his lips, and substituted another word: +'this young stranger, Mrs Lupin, will excuse me for replying briefly, +that I reside in this village; it may be in an influential manner, +however, undeserved; and that I have been summoned here by you. I am +here, as I am everywhere, I hope, in sympathy for the sick and sorry.' + +With these impressive words, Mr Pecksniff passed over to the bedside, +where, after patting the counterpane once or twice in a very solemn +manner, as if by that means he gained a clear insight into the patient's +disorder, he took his seat in a large arm-chair, and in an attitude of +some thoughtfulness and much comfort, waited for his waking. Whatever +objection the young lady urged to Mrs Lupin went no further, for nothing +more was said to Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff said nothing more to +anybody else. + +Full half an hour elapsed before the old man stirred, but at length he +turned himself in bed, and, though not yet awake, gave tokens that +his sleep was drawing to an end. By little and little he removed the +bed-clothes from about his head, and turned still more towards the side +where Mr Pecksniff sat. In course of time his eyes opened; and he +lay for a few moments as people newly roused sometimes will, gazing +indolently at his visitor, without any distinct consciousness of his +presence. + +There was nothing remarkable in these proceedings, except the influence +they worked on Mr Pecksniff, which could hardly have been surpassed by +the most marvellous of natural phenomena. Gradually his hands became +tightly clasped upon the elbows of the chair, his eyes dilated with +surprise, his mouth opened, his hair stood more erect upon his forehead +than its custom was, until, at length, when the old man rose in bed, +and stared at him with scarcely less emotion than he showed himself, the +Pecksniff doubts were all resolved, and he exclaimed aloud: + +'You ARE Martin Chuzzlewit!' + +His consternation of surprise was so genuine, that the old man, with all +the disposition that he clearly entertained to believe it assumed, was +convinced of its reality. + +'I am Martin Chuzzlewit,' he said, bitterly: 'and Martin Chuzzlewit +wishes you had been hanged, before you had come here to disturb him in +his sleep. Why, I dreamed of this fellow!' he said, lying down again, +and turning away his face, 'before I knew that he was near me!' + +'My good cousin--' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'There! His very first words!' cried the old man, shaking his grey head +to and fro upon the pillow, and throwing up his hands. 'In his very +first words he asserts his relationship! I knew he would; they all do +it! Near or distant, blood or water, it's all one. Ugh! What a calendar +of deceit, and lying, and false-witnessing, the sound of any word of +kindred opens before me!' + +'Pray do not be hasty, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, in a tone that +was at once in the sublimest degree compassionate and dispassionate; +for he had by this time recovered from his surprise, and was in full +possession of his virtuous self. 'You will regret being hasty, I know +you will.' + +'You know!' said Martin, contemptuously. + +'Yes,' retorted Mr Pecksniff. 'Aye, aye, Mr Chuzzlewit; and don't +imagine that I mean to court or flatter you; for nothing is further from +my intention. Neither, sir, need you entertain the least misgiving that +I shall repeat that obnoxious word which has given you so much offence +already. Why should I? What do I expect or want from you? There is +nothing in your possession that I know of, Mr Chuzzlewit, which is much +to be coveted for the happiness it brings you.' + +'That's true enough,' muttered the old man. + +'Apart from that consideration,' said Mr Pecksniff, watchful of the +effect he made, 'it must be plain to you (I am sure) by this time, that +if I had wished to insinuate myself into your good opinion, I should +have been, of all things, careful not to address you as a relative; +knowing your humour, and being quite certain beforehand that I could not +have a worse letter of recommendation.' + +Martin made not any verbal answer; but he as clearly implied though only +by a motion of his legs beneath the bed-clothes, that there was reason +in this, and that he could not dispute it, as if he had said as much in +good set terms. + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, keeping his hand in his waistcoat as though +he were ready, on the shortest notice, to produce his heart for +Martin Chuzzlewit's inspection, 'I came here to offer my services to +a stranger. I make no offer of them to you, because I know you would +distrust me if I did. But lying on that bed, sir, I regard you as a +stranger, and I have just that amount of interest in you which I hope I +should feel in any stranger, circumstanced as you are. Beyond that, I am +quite as indifferent to you, Mr Chuzzlewit, as you are to me.' + +Having said which, Mr Pecksniff threw himself back in the easy-chair; +so radiant with ingenuous honesty, that Mrs Lupin almost wondered not to +see a stained-glass Glory, such as the Saint wore in the church, shining +about his head. + +A long pause succeeded. The old man, with increased restlessness, +changed his posture several times. Mrs Lupin and the young lady gazed +in silence at the counterpane. Mr Pecksniff toyed abstractedly with his +eye-glass, and kept his eyes shut, that he might ruminate the better. + +'Eh?' he said at last, opening them suddenly, and looking towards the +bed. 'I beg your pardon. I thought you spoke. Mrs Lupin,' he continued, +slowly rising 'I am not aware that I can be of any service to you here. +The gentleman is better, and you are as good a nurse as he can have. +Eh?' + +This last note of interrogation bore reference to another change +of posture on the old man's part, which brought his face towards Mr +Pecksniff for the first time since he had turned away from him. + +'If you desire to speak to me before I go, sir,' continued that +gentleman, after another pause, 'you may command my leisure; but I +must stipulate, in justice to myself, that you do so as to a stranger, +strictly as to a stranger.' + +Now if Mr Pecksniff knew, from anything Martin Chuzzlewit had expressed +in gestures, that he wanted to speak to him, he could only have found it +out on some such principle as prevails in melodramas, and in virtue of +which the elderly farmer with the comic son always knows what the dumb +girl means when she takes refuge in his garden, and relates her personal +memoirs in incomprehensible pantomime. But without stopping to make any +inquiry on this point, Martin Chuzzlewit signed to his young companion +to withdraw, which she immediately did, along with the landlady leaving +him and Mr Pecksniff alone together. For some time they looked at each +other in silence; or rather the old man looked at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr +Pecksniff again closing his eyes on all outward objects, took an inward +survey of his own breast. That it amply repaid him for his trouble, +and afforded a delicious and enchanting prospect, was clear from the +expression of his face. + +'You wish me to speak to you as to a total stranger,' said the old man, +'do you?' + +Mr Pecksniff replied, by a shrug of his shoulders and an apparent +turning round of his eyes in their sockets before he opened them, that +he was still reduced to the necessity of entertaining that desire. + +'You shall be gratified,' said Martin. 'Sir, I am a rich man. Not so +rich as some suppose, perhaps, but yet wealthy. I am not a miser sir, +though even that charge is made against me, as I hear, and currently +believed. I have no pleasure in hoarding. I have no pleasure in the +possession of money, The devil that we call by that name can give me +nothing but unhappiness.' + +It would be no description of Mr Pecksniff's gentleness of manner to +adopt the common parlance, and say that he looked at this moment as if +butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He rather looked as if any quantity +of butter might have been made out of him, by churning the milk of human +kindness, as it spouted upwards from his heart. + +'For the same reason that I am not a hoarder of money,' said the old +man, 'I am not lavish of it. Some people find their gratification in +storing it up; and others theirs in parting with it; but I have no +gratification connected with the thing. Pain and bitterness are the only +goods it ever could procure for me. I hate it. It is a spectre walking +before me through the world, and making every social pleasure hideous.' + +A thought arose in Pecksniff's mind, which must have instantly mounted +to his face, or Martin Chuzzlewit would not have resumed as quickly and +as sternly as he did: + +'You would advise me for my peace of mind, to get rid of this source of +misery, and transfer it to some one who could bear it better. Even you, +perhaps, would rid me of a burden under which I suffer so grievously. +But, kind stranger,' said the old man, whose every feature darkened as +he spoke, 'good Christian stranger, that is a main part of my trouble. +In other hands, I have known money do good; in other hands I have known +it triumphed in, and boasted of with reason, as the master-key to all +the brazen gates that close upon the paths to worldly honour, +fortune, and enjoyment. To what man or woman; to what worthy, honest, +incorruptible creature; shall I confide such a talisman, either now +or when I die? Do you know any such person? YOUR virtues are of course +inestimable, but can you tell me of any other living creature who will +bear the test of contact with myself?' + +'Of contact with yourself, sir?' echoed Mr Pecksniff. + +'Aye,' returned the old man, 'the test of contact with me--with me. You +have heard of him whose misery (the gratification of his own foolish +wish) was, that he turned every thing he touched into gold. The curse +of my existence, and the realisation of my own mad desire is that by the +golden standard which I bear about me, I am doomed to try the metal of +all other men, and find it false and hollow.' + +Mr Pecksniff shook his head, and said, 'You think so.' + +'Oh yes,' cried the old man, 'I think so! and in your telling me "I +think so," I recognize the true unworldly ring of YOUR metal. I tell +you, man,' he added, with increasing bitterness, 'that I have gone, a +rich man, among people of all grades and kinds; relatives, friends, and +strangers; among people in whom, when I was poor, I had confidence, and +justly, for they never once deceived me then, or, to me, wronged each +other. But I have never found one nature, no, not one, in which, being +wealthy and alone, I was not forced to detect the latent corruption that +lay hid within it waiting for such as I to bring it forth. Treachery, +deceit, and low design; hatred of competitors, real or fancied, for my +favour; meanness, falsehood, baseness, and servility; or,' and here +he looked closely in his cousin's eyes, 'or an assumption of honest +independence, almost worse than all; these are the beauties which my +wealth has brought to light. Brother against brother, child against +parent, friends treading on the faces of friends, this is the social +company by whom my way has been attended. There are stories told--they +may be true or false--of rich men who, in the garb of poverty, have +found out virtue and rewarded it. They were dolts and idiots for their +pains. They should have made the search in their own characters. They +should have shown themselves fit objects to be robbed and preyed upon +and plotted against and adulated by any knaves, who, but for joy, would +have spat upon their coffins when they died their dupes; and then their +search would have ended as mine has done, and they would be what I am.' + +Mr Pecksniff, not at all knowing what it might be best to say in the +momentary pause which ensued upon these remarks, made an elaborate +demonstration of intending to deliver something very oracular indeed; +trusting to the certainty of the old man interrupting him, before he +should utter a word. Nor was he mistaken, for Martin Chuzzlewit having +taken breath, went on to say: + +'Hear me to an end; judge what profit you are like to gain from any +repetition of this visit; and leave me. I have so corrupted and changed +the nature of all those who have ever attended on me, by breeding +avaricious plots and hopes within them; I have engendered such domestic +strife and discord, by tarrying even with members of my own family; I +have been such a lighted torch in peaceful homes, kindling up all the +inflammable gases and vapours in their moral atmosphere, which, but for +me, might have proved harmless to the end, that I have, I may say, fled +from all who knew me, and taking refuge in secret places have lived, of +late, the life of one who is hunted. The young girl whom you just now +saw--what! your eye lightens when I talk of her! You hate her already, +do you?' + +'Upon my word, sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand upon his breast, +and dropping his eyelids. + +'I forgot,' cried the old man, looking at him with a keenness which the +other seemed to feel, although he did not raise his eyes so as to see +it. 'I ask your pardon. I forgot you were a stranger. For the moment +you reminded me of one Pecksniff, a cousin of mine. As I was saying--the +young girl whom you just now saw, is an orphan child, whom, with one +steady purpose, I have bred and educated, or, if you prefer the word, +adopted. For a year or more she has been my constant companion, and she +is my only one. I have taken, as she knows, a solemn oath never to +leave her sixpence when I die, but while I live I make her an annual +allowance; not extravagant in its amount and yet not stinted. There is +a compact between us that no term of affectionate cajolery shall ever be +addressed by either to the other, but that she shall call me always by +my Christian name; I her, by hers. She is bound to me in life by ties +of interest, and losing by my death, and having no expectation +disappointed, will mourn it, perhaps; though for that I care little. +This is the only kind of friend I have or will have. Judge from such +premises what a profitable hour you have spent in coming here, and leave +me, to return no more.' + +With these words, the old man fell slowly back upon his pillow. Mr +Pecksniff as slowly rose, and, with a prefatory hem, began as follows: + +'Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +'There. Go!' interposed the other. 'Enough of this. I am weary of you.' + +'I am sorry for that, sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'because I have a +duty to discharge, from which, depend upon it, I shall not shrink. No, +sir, I shall not shrink.' + +It is a lamentable fact, that as Mr Pecksniff stood erect beside the +bed, in all the dignity of Goodness, and addressed him thus, the old man +cast an angry glance towards the candlestick, as if he were possessed +by a strong inclination to launch it at his cousin's head. But he +constrained himself, and pointing with his finger to the door, informed +him that his road lay there. + +'Thank you,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'I am aware of that. I am going. +But before I go, I crave your leave to speak, and more than that, Mr +Chuzzlewit, I must and will--yes indeed, I repeat it, must and will--be +heard. I am not surprised, sir, at anything you have told me tonight. +It is natural, very natural, and the greater part of it was known to +me before. I will not say,' continued Mr Pecksniff, drawing out his +pocket-handkerchief, and winking with both eyes at once, as it were, +against his will, 'I will not say that you are mistaken in me. While +you are in your present mood I would not say so for the world. I almost +wish, indeed, that I had a different nature, that I might repress even +this slight confession of weakness; which I cannot disguise from you; +which I feel is humiliating; but which you will have the goodness to +excuse. We will say, if you please,' added Mr Pecksniff, with great +tenderness of manner, 'that it arises from a cold in the head, or is +attributable to snuff, or smelling-salts, or onions, or anything but the +real cause.' + +Here he paused for an instant, and concealed his face behind his +pocket-handkerchief. Then, smiling faintly, and holding the bed +furniture with one hand, he resumed: + +'But, Mr Chuzzlewit, while I am forgetful of myself, I owe it to myself, +and to my character--aye, sir, and I HAVE a character which is very dear +to me, and will be the best inheritance of my two daughters--to tell +you, on behalf of another, that your conduct is wrong, unnatural, +indefensible, monstrous. And I tell you, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, +towering on tiptoe among the curtains, as if he were literally rising +above all worldly considerations, and were fain to hold on tight, to +keep himself from darting skyward like a rocket, 'I tell you without +fear or favour, that it will not do for you to be unmindful of your +grandson, young Martin, who has the strongest natural claim upon you. +It will not do, sir,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head. 'You may +think it will do, but it won't. You must provide for that young man; +you shall provide for him; you WILL provide for him. I believe,' said Mr +Pecksniff, glancing at the pen-and-ink, 'that in secret you have already +done so. Bless you for doing so. Bless you for doing right, sir. Bless +you for hating me. And good night!' + +So saying, Mr Pecksniff waved his right hand with much solemnity, and +once more inserting it in his waistcoat, departed. There was emotion in +his manner, but his step was firm. Subject to human weaknesses, he was +upheld by conscience. + +Martin lay for some time, with an expression on his face of silent +wonder, not unmixed with rage; at length he muttered in a whisper: + +'What does this mean? Can the false-hearted boy have chosen such a +tool as yonder fellow who has just gone out? Why not! He has conspired +against me, like the rest, and they are but birds of one feather. A new +plot; a new plot! Oh self, self, self! At every turn nothing but self!' + +He fell to trifling, as he ceased to speak, with the ashes of the burnt +paper in the candlestick. He did so, at first, in pure abstraction, but +they presently became the subject of his thoughts. + +'Another will made and destroyed,' he said, 'nothing determined on, +nothing done, and I might have died to-night! I plainly see to what foul +uses all this money will be put at last,' he cried, almost writhing in +the bed; 'after filling me with cares and miseries all my life, it will +perpetuate discord and bad passions when I am dead. So it always is. +What lawsuits grow out of the graves of rich men, every day; sowing +perjury, hatred, and lies among near kindred, where there should be +nothing but love! Heaven help us, we have much to answer for! Oh self, +self, self! Every man for himself, and no creature for me!' + +Universal self! Was there nothing of its shadow in these reflections, +and in the history of Martin Chuzzlewit, on his own showing? + + + +CHAPTER FOUR + +FROM WHICH IT WILL APPEAR THAT IF UNION BE STRENGTH, AND FAMILY +AFFECTION BE PLEASANT TO CONTEMPLATE, THE CHUZZLEWITS WERE THE STRONGEST +AND MOST AGREEABLE FAMILY IN THE WORLD + + +That worthy man Mr Pecksniff having taken leave of his cousin in the +solemn terms recited in the last chapter, withdrew to his own home, and +remained there three whole days; not so much as going out for a walk +beyond the boundaries of his own garden, lest he should be hastily +summoned to the bedside of his penitent and remorseful relative, +whom, in his ample benevolence, he had made up his mind to forgive +unconditionally, and to love on any terms. But such was the obstinacy +and such the bitter nature of that stern old man, that no repentant +summons came; and the fourth day found Mr Pecksniff apparently much +farther from his Christian object than the first. + +During the whole of this interval, he haunted the Dragon at all times +and seasons in the day and night, and, returning good for evil evinced +the deepest solicitude in the progress of the obdurate invalid, in so +much that Mrs Lupin was fairly melted by his disinterested anxiety (for +he often particularly required her to take notice that he would do the +same by any stranger or pauper in the like condition), and shed many +tears of admiration and delight. + +Meantime, old Martin Chuzzlewit remained shut up in his own chamber, and +saw no person but his young companion, saving the hostess of the Blue +Dragon, who was, at certain times, admitted to his presence. So surely +as she came into the room, however, Martin feigned to fall asleep. It +was only when he and the young lady were alone, that he would utter a +word, even in answer to the simplest inquiry; though Mr Pecksniff +could make out, by hard listening at the door, that they two being left +together, he was talkative enough. + +It happened on the fourth evening, that Mr Pecksniff walking, as usual, +into the bar of the Dragon and finding no Mrs Lupin there, went straight +upstairs; purposing, in the fervour of his affectionate zeal, to apply +his ear once more to the keyhole, and quiet his mind by assuring himself +that the hard-hearted patient was going on well. It happened that Mr +Pecksniff, coming softly upon the dark passage into which a spiral ray +of light usually darted through the same keyhole, was astonished to find +no such ray visible; and it happened that Mr Pecksniff, when he had felt +his way to the chamber-door, stooping hurriedly down to ascertain by +personal inspection whether the jealousy of the old man had caused this +keyhole to be stopped on the inside, brought his head into such violent +contact with another head that he could not help uttering in an audible +voice the monosyllable 'Oh!' which was, as it were, sharply unscrewed +and jerked out of him by very anguish. It happened then, and lastly, +that Mr Pecksniff found himself immediately collared by something which +smelt like several damp umbrellas, a barrel of beer, a cask of warm +brandy-and-water, and a small parlour-full of stale tobacco smoke, +mixed; and was straightway led downstairs into the bar from which he +had lately come, where he found himself standing opposite to, and in +the grasp of, a perfectly strange gentleman of still stranger appearance +who, with his disengaged hand, rubbed his own head very hard, and looked +at him, Pecksniff, with an evil countenance. + +The gentleman was of that order of appearance which is currently termed +shabby-genteel, though in respect of his dress he can hardly be said to +have been in any extremities, as his fingers were a long way out of his +gloves, and the soles of his feet were at an inconvenient distance from +the upper leather of his boots. His nether garments were of a +bluish grey--violent in its colours once, but sobered now by age and +dinginess--and were so stretched and strained in a tough conflict +between his braces and his straps, that they appeared every moment in +danger of flying asunder at the knees. His coat, in colour blue and of +a military cut, was buttoned and frogged up to his chin. His cravat was, +in hue and pattern, like one of those mantles which hairdressers are +accustomed to wrap about their clients, during the progress of the +professional mysteries. His hat had arrived at such a pass that it would +have been hard to determine whether it was originally white or black. +But he wore a moustache--a shaggy moustache too; nothing in the meek and +merciful way, but quite in the fierce and scornful style; the regular +Satanic sort of thing--and he wore, besides, a vast quantity of +unbrushed hair. He was very dirty and very jaunty; very bold and very +mean; very swaggering and very slinking; very much like a man who might +have been something better, and unspeakably like a man who deserved to +be something worse. + +'You were eaves-dropping at that door, you vagabond!' said this +gentleman. + +Mr Pecksniff cast him off, as Saint George might have repudiated the +Dragon in that animal's last moments, and said: + +'Where is Mrs Lupin, I wonder! can the good woman possibly be aware that +there is a person here who--' + +'Stay!' said the gentleman. 'Wait a bit. She DOES know. What then?' + +'What then, sir?' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'What then? Do you know, sir, +that I am the friend and relative of that sick gentleman? That I am his +protector, his guardian, his--' + +'Not his niece's husband,' interposed the stranger, 'I'll be sworn; for +he was there before you.' + +'What do you mean?' said Mr Pecksniff, with indignant surprise. 'What do +you tell me, sir?' + +'Wait a bit!' cried the other, 'Perhaps you are a cousin--the cousin who +lives in this place?' + +'I AM the cousin who lives in this place,' replied the man of worth. + +'Your name is Pecksniff?' said the gentleman. + +'It is.' + +'I am proud to know you, and I ask your pardon,' said the gentleman, +touching his hat, and subsequently diving behind his cravat for a +shirt-collar, which however he did not succeed in bringing to the +surface. 'You behold in me, sir, one who has also an interest in that +gentleman upstairs. Wait a bit.' + +As he said this, he touched the tip of his high nose, by way of +intimation that he would let Mr Pecksniff into a secret presently; and +pulling off his hat, began to search inside the crown among a mass of +crumpled documents and small pieces of what may be called the bark of +broken cigars; whence he presently selected the cover of an old letter, +begrimed with dirt and redolent of tobacco. + +'Read that,' he cried, giving it to Mr Pecksniff. + +'This is addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire,' said that gentleman. + +'You know Chevy Slyme, Esquire, I believe?' returned the stranger. + +Mr Pecksniff shrugged his shoulders as though he would say 'I know there +is such a person, and I am sorry for it.' + +'Very good,' remarked the gentleman. 'That is my interest and business +here.' With that he made another dive for his shirt-collar and brought +up a string. + +'Now, this is very distressing, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking +his head and smiling composedly. 'It is very distressing to me, to be +compelled to say that you are not the person you claim to be. I know Mr +Slyme, my friend; this will not do; honesty is the best policy you had +better not; you had indeed.' + +'Stop' cried the gentleman, stretching forth his right arm, which was +so tightly wedged into his threadbare sleeve that it looked like a cloth +sausage. 'Wait a bit!' + +He paused to establish himself immediately in front of the fire with his +back towards it. Then gathering the skirts of his coat under his left +arm, and smoothing his moustache with his right thumb and forefinger, he +resumed: + +'I understand your mistake, and I am not offended. Why? Because it's +complimentary. You suppose I would set myself up for Chevy Slyme. +Sir, if there is a man on earth whom a gentleman would feel proud and +honoured to be mistaken for, that man is my friend Slyme. For he is, +without an exception, the highest-minded, the most independent-spirited, +most original, spiritual, classical, talented, the most thoroughly +Shakspearian, if not Miltonic, and at the same time the most +disgustingly-unappreciated dog I know. But, sir, I have not the vanity +to attempt to pass for Slyme. Any other man in the wide world, I am +equal to; but Slyme is, I frankly confess, a great many cuts above me. +Therefore you are wrong.' + +'I judged from this,' said Mr Pecksniff, holding out the cover of the +letter. + +'No doubt you did,' returned the gentleman. 'But, Mr Pecksniff, the +whole thing resolves itself into an instance of the peculiarities +of genius. Every man of true genius has his peculiarity. Sir, the +peculiarity of my friend Slyme is, that he is always waiting round the +corner. He is perpetually round the corner, sir. He is round the corner +at this instant. Now,' said the gentleman, shaking his forefinger before +his nose, and planting his legs wider apart as he looked attentively in +Mr Pecksniff's face, 'that is a remarkably curious and interesting trait +in Mr Slyme's character; and whenever Slyme's life comes to be written, +that trait must be thoroughly worked out by his biographer or society +will not be satisfied. Observe me, society will not be satisfied!' + +Mr Pecksniff coughed. + +'Slyme's biographer, sir, whoever he may be,' resumed the gentleman, +'must apply to me; or, if I am gone to that what's-his-name from which +no thingumbob comes back, he must apply to my executors for leave to +search among my papers. I have taken a few notes in my poor way, of some +of that man's proceedings--my adopted brother, sir,--which would amaze +you. He made use of an expression, sir, only on the fifteenth of last +month when he couldn't meet a little bill and the other party wouldn't +renew, which would have done honour to Napoleon Bonaparte in addressing +the French army.' + +'And pray,' asked Mr Pecksniff, obviously not quite at his ease, 'what +may be Mr Slyme's business here, if I may be permitted to inquire, who +am compelled by a regard for my own character to disavow all interest in +his proceedings?' + +'In the first place,' returned the gentleman, 'you will permit me to +say, that I object to that remark, and that I strongly and indignantly +protest against it on behalf of my friend Slyme. In the next place, you +will give me leave to introduce myself. My name, sir, is Tigg. The name +of Montague Tigg will perhaps be familiar to you, in connection with the +most remarkable events of the Peninsular War?' + +Mr Pecksniff gently shook his head. + +'No matter,' said the gentleman. 'That man was my father, and I bear his +name. I am consequently proud--proud as Lucifer. Excuse me one moment. +I desire my friend Slyme to be present at the remainder of this +conference.' + +With this announcement he hurried away to the outer door of the Blue +Dragon, and almost immediately returned with a companion shorter than +himself, who was wrapped in an old blue camlet cloak with a lining of +faded scarlet. His sharp features being much pinched and nipped by long +waiting in the cold, and his straggling red whiskers and frowzy hair +being more than usually dishevelled from the same cause, he certainly +looked rather unwholesome and uncomfortable than Shakspearian or +Miltonic. + +'Now,' said Mr Tigg, clapping one hand on the shoulder of his +prepossessing friend, and calling Mr Pecksniff's attention to him with +the other, 'you two are related; and relations never did agree, and +never will; which is a wise dispensation and an inevitable thing, or +there would be none but family parties, and everybody in the world +would bore everybody else to death. If you were on good terms, I should +consider you a most confoundedly unnatural pair; but standing +towards each other as you do, I took upon you as a couple of devilish +deep-thoughted fellows, who may be reasoned with to any extent.' + +Here Mr Chevy Slyme, whose great abilities seemed one and all to point +towards the sneaking quarter of the moral compass, nudged his friend +stealthily with his elbow, and whispered in his ear. + +'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg aloud, in the high tone of one who was not to +be tampered with. 'I shall come to that presently. I act upon my own +responsibility, or not at all. To the extent of such a trifling loan +as a crownpiece to a man of your talents, I look upon Mr Pecksniff +as certain;' and seeing at this juncture that the expression of Mr +Pecksniff's face by no means betokened that he shared this certainty, Mr +Tigg laid his finger on his nose again for that gentleman's private +and especial behoof; calling upon him thereby to take notice that the +requisition of small loans was another instance of the peculiarities of +genius as developed in his friend Slyme; that he, Tigg, winked at the +same, because of the strong metaphysical interest which these weaknesses +possessed; and that in reference to his own personal advocacy of such +small advances, he merely consulted the humour of his friend, without +the least regard to his own advantage or necessities. + +'Oh, Chiv, Chiv!' added Mr Tigg, surveying his adopted brother with an +air of profound contemplation after dismissing this piece of pantomime. +'You are, upon my life, a strange instance of the little frailties that +beset a mighty mind. If there had never been a telescope in the world, +I should have been quite certain from my observation of you, Chiv, +that there were spots on the sun! I wish I may die, if this isn't the +queerest state of existence that we find ourselves forced into without +knowing why or wherefore, Mr Pecksniff! Well, never mind! Moralise as we +will, the world goes on. As Hamlet says, Hercules may lay about him with +his club in every possible direction, but he can't prevent the cats from +making a most intolerable row on the roofs of the houses, or the +dogs from being shot in the hot weather if they run about the streets +unmuzzled. Life's a riddle; a most infernally hard riddle to guess, Mr +Pecksniff. My own opinions, that like that celebrated conundrum, "Why's +a man in jail like a man out of jail?" there's no answer to it. Upon my +soul and body, it's the queerest sort of thing altogether--but there's +no use in talking about it. Ha! Ha!' + +With which consolatory deduction from the gloomy premises recited, +Mr Tigg roused himself by a great effort, and proceeded in his former +strain. + +'Now I'll tell you what it is. I'm a most confoundedly soft-hearted +kind of fellow in my way, and I cannot stand by, and see you two blades +cutting each other's throats when there's nothing to be got by it. Mr +Pecksniff, you're the cousin of the testator upstairs and we're the +nephew--I say we, meaning Chiv. Perhaps in all essential points you are +more nearly related to him than we are. Very good. If so, so be it. But +you can't get at him, neither can we. I give you my brightest word of +honour, sir, that I've been looking through that keyhole with short +intervals of rest, ever since nine o'clock this morning, in expectation +of receiving an answer to one of the most moderate and gentlemanly +applications for a little temporary assistance--only fifteen pounds, and +MY security--that the mind of man can conceive. In the meantime, sir, he +is perpetually closeted with, and pouring his whole confidence into the +bosom of, a stranger. Now I say decisively with regard to this state of +circumstances, that it won't do; that it won't act; that it can't be; +and that it must not be suffered to continue.' + +'Every man,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'has a right, an undoubted right, (which +I, for one, would not call in question for any earthly consideration; oh +no!) to regulate his own proceedings by his own likings and dislikings, +supposing they are not immoral and not irreligious. I may feel in my +own breast, that Mr Chuzzlewit does not regard--me, for instance; say +me--with exactly that amount of Christian love which should subsist +between us. I may feel grieved and hurt at the circumstance; still I +may not rush to the conclusion that Mr Chuzzlewit is wholly without a +justification in all his coldnesses. Heaven forbid! Besides; how, Mr +Tigg,' continued Pecksniff even more gravely and impressively than he +had spoken yet, 'how could Mr Chuzzlewit be prevented from having these +peculiar and most extraordinary confidences of which you speak; the +existence of which I must admit; and which I cannot but deplore--for +his sake? Consider, my good sir--' and here Mr Pecksniff eyed him +wistfully--'how very much at random you are talking.' + +'Why, as to that,' rejoined Tigg, 'it certainly is a difficult +question.' + +'Undoubtedly it is a difficult question,' Mr Pecksniff answered. As he +spoke he drew himself aloft, and seemed to grow more mindful, suddenly, +of the moral gulf between himself and the creature he addressed. +'Undoubtedly it is a very difficult question. And I am far from feeling +sure that it is a question any one is authorized to discuss. Good +evening to you.' + +'You don't know that the Spottletoes are here, I suppose?' said Mr Tigg. + +'What do you mean, sir? what Spottletoes?' asked Pecksniff, stopping +abruptly on his way to the door. + +'Mr and Mrs Spottletoe,' said Chevy Slyme, Esquire, speaking aloud for +the first time, and speaking very sulkily; shambling with his legs the +while. 'Spottletoe married my father's brother's child, didn't he? +And Mrs Spottletoe is Chuzzlewit's own niece, isn't she? She was his +favourite once. You may well ask what Spottletoes.' + +'Now upon my sacred word!' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking upwards. 'This is +dreadful. The rapacity of these people is absolutely frightful!' + +'It's not only the Spottletoes either, Tigg,' said Slyme, looking at +that gentleman and speaking at Mr Pecksniff. 'Anthony Chuzzlewit and his +son have got wind of it, and have come down this afternoon. I saw 'em +not five minutes ago, when I was waiting round the corner.' + +'Oh, Mammon, Mammon!' cried Mr Pecksniff, smiting his forehead. + +'So there,' said Slyme, regardless of the interruption, 'are his brother +and another nephew for you, already.' + +'This is the whole thing, sir,' said Mr Tigg; 'this is the point and +purpose at which I was gradually arriving when my friend Slyme here, +with six words, hit it full. Mr Pecksniff, now that your cousin (and +Chiv's uncle) has turned up, some steps must be taken to prevent his +disappearing again; and, if possible, to counteract the influence which +is exercised over him now, by this designing favourite. Everybody who +is interested feels it, sir. The whole family is pouring down to this +place. The time has come when individual jealousies and interests must +be forgotten for a time, sir, and union must be made against the +common enemy. When the common enemy is routed, you will all set up for +yourselves again; every lady and gentleman who has a part in the game, +will go in on their own account and bowl away, to the best of their +ability, at the testator's wicket, and nobody will be in a worse +position than before. Think of it. Don't commit yourself now. You'll +find us at the Half Moon and Seven Stars in this village, at any time, +and open to any reasonable proposition. Hem! Chiv, my dear fellow, go +out and see what sort of a night it is.' + +Mr Slyme lost no time in disappearing, and it is to be presumed in going +round the corner. Mr Tigg, planting his legs as wide apart as he could +be reasonably expected by the most sanguine man to keep them, shook his +head at Mr Pecksniff and smiled. + +'We must not be too hard,' he said, 'upon the little eccentricities of +our friend Slyme. You saw him whisper me?' + +Mr Pecksniff had seen him. + +'You heard my answer, I think?' + +Mr Pecksniff had heard it. + +'Five shillings, eh?' said Mr Tigg, thoughtfully. 'Ah! what an +extraordinary fellow! Very moderate too!' + +Mr Pecksniff made no answer. + +'Five shillings!' pursued Mr Tigg, musing; 'and to be punctually repaid +next week; that's the best of it. You heard that?' + +Mr Pecksniff had not heard that. + +'No! You surprise me!' cried Tigg. 'That's the cream of the thing sir. I +never knew that man fail to redeem a promise, in my life. You're not in +want of change, are you?' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'thank you. Not at all.' + +'Just so,' returned Mr Tigg. 'If you had been, I'd have got it for you.' +With that he began to whistle; but a dozen seconds had not elapsed when +he stopped short, and looking earnestly at Mr Pecksniff, said: + +'Perhaps you'd rather not lend Slyme five shillings?' + +'I would much rather not,' Mr Pecksniff rejoined. + +'Egad!' cried Tigg, gravely nodding his head as if some ground of +objection occurred to him at that moment for the first time, 'it's +very possible you may be right. Would you entertain the same sort of +objection to lending me five shillings now?' + +'Yes, I couldn't do it, indeed,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'Not even half-a-crown, perhaps?' urged Mr Tigg. + +'Not even half-a-crown.' + +'Why, then we come,' said Mr Tigg, 'to the ridiculously small amount of +eighteen pence. Ha! ha!' + +'And that,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'would be equally objectionable.' + +On receipt of this assurance, Mr Tigg shook him heartily by both hands, +protesting with much earnestness, that he was one of the most consistent +and remarkable men he had ever met, and that he desired the honour +of his better acquaintance. He moreover observed that there were many +little characteristics about his friend Slyme, of which he could by no +means, as a man of strict honour, approve; but that he was prepared to +forgive him all these slight drawbacks, and much more, in consideration +of the great pleasure he himself had that day enjoyed in his social +intercourse with Mr Pecksniff, which had given him a far higher and more +enduring delight than the successful negotiation of any small loan on +the part of his friend could possibly have imparted. With which remarks +he would beg leave, he said, to wish Mr Pecksniff a very good evening. +And so he took himself off; as little abashed by his recent failure as +any gentleman would desire to be. + +The meditations of Mr Pecksniff that evening at the bar of the Dragon, +and that night in his own house, were very serious and grave indeed; the +more especially as the intelligence he had received from Messrs Tigg and +Slyme touching the arrival of other members of the family, were fully +confirmed on more particular inquiry. For the Spottletoes had actually +gone straight to the Dragon, where they were at that moment housed and +mounting guard, and where their appearance had occasioned such a vast +sensation that Mrs Lupin, scenting their errand before they had been +under her roof half an hour, carried the news herself with all possible +secrecy straight to Mr Pecksniff's house; indeed it was her great +caution in doing so which occasioned her to miss that gentleman, who +entered at the front door of the Dragon just as she emerged from +the back one. Moreover, Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Jonas were +economically quartered at the Half Moon and Seven Stars, which was an +obscure ale-house; and by the very next coach there came posting to the +scene of action, so many other affectionate members of the family (who +quarrelled with each other, inside and out, all the way down, to the +utter distraction of the coachman), that in less than four-and-twenty +hours the scanty tavern accommodation was at a premium, and all the +private lodgings in the place, amounting to full four beds and sofa, +rose cent per cent in the market. + +In a word, things came to that pass that nearly the whole family sat +down before the Blue Dragon, and formally invested it; and Martin +Chuzzlewit was in a state of siege. But he resisted bravely; refusing +to receive all letters, messages, and parcels; obstinately declining to +treat with anybody; and holding out no hope or promise of capitulation. +Meantime the family forces were perpetually encountering each other +in divers parts of the neighbourhood; and, as no one branch of the +Chuzzlewit tree had ever been known to agree with another within the +memory of man, there was such a skirmishing, and flouting, and snapping +off of heads, in the metaphorical sense of that expression; such a +bandying of words and calling of names; such an upturning of noses and +wrinkling of brows; such a formal interment of good feelings and violent +resurrection of ancient grievances; as had never been known in those +quiet parts since the earliest record of their civilized existence. + +At length, in utter despair and hopelessness, some few of the +belligerents began to speak to each other in only moderate terms of +mutual aggravation; and nearly all addressed themselves with a show of +tolerable decency to Mr Pecksniff, in recognition of his high character +and influential position. Thus, by little and little, they made common +cause of Martin Chuzzlewit's obduracy, until it was agreed (if such a +word can be used in connection with the Chuzzlewits) that there should +be a general council and conference held at Mr Pecksniff's house upon +a certain day at noon; which all members of the family who had brought +themselves within reach of the summons, were forthwith bidden and +invited, solemnly, to attend. + +If ever Mr Pecksniff wore an apostolic look, he wore it on this +memorable day. If ever his unruffled smile proclaimed the words, 'I am +a messenger of peace!' that was its mission now. If ever man combined +within himself all the mild qualities of the lamb with a considerable +touch of the dove, and not a dash of the crocodile, or the least +possible suggestion of the very mildest seasoning of the serpent, that +man was he. And, oh, the two Miss Pecksniffs! Oh, the serene expression +on the face of Charity, which seemed to say, 'I know that all my family +have injured me beyond the possibility of reparation, but I forgive +them, for it is my duty so to do!' And, oh, the gay simplicity of Mercy; +so charming, innocent, and infant-like, that if she had gone out +walking by herself, and it had been a little earlier in the season, the +robin-redbreasts might have covered her with leaves against her will, +believing her to be one of the sweet children in the wood, come out of +it, and issuing forth once more to look for blackberries in the young +freshness of her heart! What words can paint the Pecksniffs in that +trying hour? Oh, none; for words have naughty company among them, and +the Pecksniffs were all goodness. + +But when the company arrived! That was the time. When Mr Pecksniff, +rising from his seat at the table's head, with a daughter on either +hand, received his guests in the best parlour and motioned them to +chairs, with eyes so overflowing and countenance so damp with gracious +perspiration, that he may be said to have been in a kind of moist +meekness! And the company; the jealous stony-hearted distrustful +company, who were all shut up in themselves, and had no faith in +anybody, and wouldn't believe anything, and would no more allow +themselves to be softened or lulled asleep by the Pecksniffs than if +they had been so many hedgehogs or porcupines! + +First, there was Mr Spottletoe, who was so bald and had such big +whiskers, that he seemed to have stopped his hair, by the sudden +application of some powerful remedy, in the very act of falling off his +head, and to have fastened it irrevocably on his face. Then there was +Mrs Spottletoe, who being much too slim for her years, and of a poetical +constitution, was accustomed to inform her more intimate friends that +the said whiskers were 'the lodestar of her existence;' and who could +now, by reason of her strong affection for her uncle Chuzzlewit, and the +shock it gave her to be suspected of testamentary designs upon him, do +nothing but cry--except moan. Then there were Anthony Chuzzlewit, and +his son Jonas; the face of the old man so sharpened by the wariness and +cunning of his life, that it seemed to cut him a passage through the +crowded room, as he edged away behind the remotest chairs; while the son +had so well profited by the precept and example of the father, that he +looked a year or two the elder of the twain, as they stood winking their +red eyes, side by side, and whispering to each other softly. Then there +was the widow of a deceased brother of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, who being +almost supernaturally disagreeable, and having a dreary face and a bony +figure and a masculine voice, was, in right of these qualities, what is +commonly called a strong-minded woman; and who, if she could, would have +established her claim to the title, and have shown herself, mentally +speaking, a perfect Samson, by shutting up her brother-in-law in a +private madhouse, until he proved his complete sanity by loving her very +much. Beside her sat her spinster daughters, three in number, and of +gentlemanly deportment, who had so mortified themselves with tight +stays, that their tempers were reduced to something less than their +waists, and sharp lacing was expressed in their very noses. Then there +was a young gentleman, grandnephew of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, very dark +and very hairy, and apparently born for no particular purpose but to +save looking-glasses the trouble of reflecting more than just the first +idea and sketchy notion of a face, which had never been carried out. +Then there was a solitary female cousin who was remarkable for nothing +but being very deaf, and living by herself, and always having the +toothache. Then there was George Chuzzlewit, a gay bachelor cousin, +who claimed to be young but had been younger, and was inclined to +corpulency, and rather overfed himself; to that extent, indeed, that his +eyes were strained in their sockets, as if with constant surprise; and +he had such an obvious disposition to pimples, that the bright spots on +his cravat, the rich pattern on his waistcoat, and even his glittering +trinkets, seemed to have broken out upon him, and not to have come into +existence comfortably. Last of all there were present Mr Chevy Slyme and +his friend Tigg. And it is worthy of remark, that although each person +present disliked the other, mainly because he or she DID belong to the +family, they one and all concurred in hating Mr Tigg because he didn't. + +Such was the pleasant little family circle now assembled in Mr +Pecksniff's best parlour, agreeably prepared to fall foul of Mr +Pecksniff or anybody else who might venture to say anything whatever +upon any subject. + +'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, rising and looking round upon them with +folded hands, 'does me good. It does my daughters good. We thank you for +assembling here. We are grateful to you with our whole hearts. It is a +blessed distinction that you have conferred upon us, and believe me'--it +is impossible to conceive how he smiled here--'we shall not easily +forget it.' + +'I am sorry to interrupt you, Pecksniff,' remarked Mr Spottletoe, with +his whiskers in a very portentous state; 'but you are assuming too much +to yourself, sir. Who do you imagine has it in contemplation to confer a +distinction upon YOU, sir?' + +A general murmur echoed this inquiry, and applauded it. + +'If you are about to pursue the course with which you have begun, sir,' +pursued Mr Spottletoe in a great heat, and giving a violent rap on +the table with his knuckles, 'the sooner you desist, and this assembly +separates, the better. I am no stranger, sir, to your preposterous +desire to be regarded as the head of this family, but I can tell YOU, +sir--' + +Oh yes, indeed! HE tell. HE! What? He was the head, was he? From the +strong-minded woman downwards everybody fell, that instant, upon Mr +Spottletoe, who after vainly attempting to be heard in silence was +fain to sit down again, folding his arms and shaking his head most +wrathfully, and giving Mrs Spottletoe to understand in dumb show, that +that scoundrel Pecksniff might go on for the present, but he would cut +in presently, and annihilate him. + +'I am not sorry,' said Mr Pecksniff in resumption of his address, 'I am +really not sorry that this little incident has happened. It is good to +feel that we are met here without disguise. It is good to know that we +have no reserve before each other, but are appearing freely in our own +characters.' + +Here, the eldest daughter of the strong-minded woman rose a little way +from her seat, and trembling violently from head to foot, more as it +seemed with passion than timidity, expressed a general hope that some +people WOULD appear in their own characters, if it were only for such +a proceeding having the attraction of novelty to recommend it; and that +when they (meaning the some people before mentioned) talked about their +relations, they would be careful to observe who was present in company +at the time; otherwise it might come round to those relations' ears, in +a way they little expected; and as to red noses (she observed) she +had yet to learn that a red nose was any disgrace, inasmuch as people +neither made nor coloured their own noses, but had that feature provided +for them without being first consulted; though even upon that branch of +the subject she had great doubts whether certain noses were redder than +other noses, or indeed half as red as some. This remark being received +with a shrill titter by the two sisters of the speaker, Miss Charity +Pecksniff begged with much politeness to be informed whether any of +those very low observations were levelled at her; and receiving no more +explanatory answer than was conveyed in the adage 'Those the cap fits, +let them wear it,' immediately commenced a somewhat acrimonious and +personal retort, wherein she was much comforted and abetted by her +sister Mercy, who laughed at the same with great heartiness; indeed +far more naturally than life. And it being quite impossible that any +difference of opinion can take place among women without every woman who +is within hearing taking active part in it, the strong-minded lady and +her two daughters, and Mrs Spottletoe, and the deaf cousin (who was +not at all disqualified from joining in the dispute by reason of being +perfectly unacquainted with its merits), one and all plunged into the +quarrel directly. + +The two Miss Pecksniffs being a pretty good match for the three Miss +Chuzzlewits, and all five young ladies having, in the figurative +language of the day, a great amount of steam to dispose of, the +altercation would no doubt have been a long one but for the high valour +and prowess of the strong-minded woman, who, in right of her reputation +for powers of sarcasm, did so belabour and pummel Mrs Spottletoe with +taunting words that the poor lady, before the engagement was two minutes +old, had no refuge but in tears. These she shed so plentifully, and so +much to the agitation and grief of Mr Spottletoe, that that gentleman, +after holding his clenched fist close to Mr Pecksniff's eyes, as if +it were some natural curiosity from the near inspection whereof he was +likely to derive high gratification and improvement, and after offering +(for no particular reason that anybody could discover) to kick Mr George +Chuzzlewit for, and in consideration of, the trifling sum of sixpence, +took his wife under his arm and indignantly withdrew. This diversion, by +distracting the attention of the combatants, put an end to the strife, +which, after breaking out afresh some twice or thrice in certain +inconsiderable spurts and dashes, died away in silence. + +It was then that Mr Pecksniff once more rose from his chair. It was then +that the two Miss Pecksniffs composed themselves to look as if there +were no such beings--not to say present, but in the whole compass of the +world--as the three Miss Chuzzlewits; while the three Miss Chuzzlewits +became equally unconscious of the existence of the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'It is to be lamented,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a forgiving recollection +of Mr Spottletoe's fist, 'that our friend should have withdrawn himself +so very hastily, though we have cause for mutual congratulation even in +that, since we are assured that he is not distrustful of us in regard +to anything we may say or do while he is absent. Now, that is very +soothing, is it not?' + +'Pecksniff,' said Anthony, who had been watching the whole party with +peculiar keenness from the first--'don't you be a hypocrite.' + +'A what, my good sir?' demanded Mr Pecksniff. + +'A hypocrite.' + +'Charity, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'when I take my chamber +candlestick to-night, remind me to be more than usually particular in +praying for Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit; who has done me an injustice.' + +This was said in a very bland voice, and aside, as being addressed to +his daughter's private ear. With a cheerfulness of conscience, prompting +almost a sprightly demeanour, he then resumed: + +'All our thoughts centring in our very dear but unkind relative, and he +being as it were beyond our reach, we are met to-day, really as if we +were a funeral party, except--a blessed exception--that there is no body +in the house.' + +The strong-minded lady was not at all sure that this was a blessed +exception. Quite the contrary. + +'Well, my dear madam!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Be that as it may, here we +are; and being here, we are to consider whether it is possible by any +justifiable means--' + +'Why, you know as well as I,' said the strong-minded lady, 'that any +means are justifiable in such a case, don't you?' + +'Very good, my dear madam, very good; whether it is possible by ANY +means, we will say by ANY means, to open the eyes of our valued +relative to his present infatuation. Whether it is possible to make +him acquainted by any means with the real character and purpose of that +young female whose strange, whose very strange position, in reference +to himself'--here Mr Pecksniff sunk his voice to an impressive +whisper--'really casts a shadow of disgrace and shame upon this family; +and who, we know'--here he raised his voice again--'else why is she his +companion? harbours the very basest designs upon his weakness and his +property.' + +In their strong feeling on this point, they, who agreed in nothing else, +all concurred as one mind. Good Heaven, that she should harbour designs +upon his property! The strong-minded lady was for poison, her three +daughters were for Bridewell and bread-and-water, the cousin with +the toothache advocated Botany Bay, the two Miss Pecksniffs suggested +flogging. Nobody but Mr Tigg, who, notwithstanding his extreme +shabbiness, was still understood to be in some sort a lady's man, +in right of his upper lip and his frogs, indicated a doubt of the +justifiable nature of these measures; and he only ogled the three Miss +Chuzzlewits with the least admixture of banter in his admiration, as +though he would observe, 'You are positively down upon her to too great +an extent, my sweet creatures, upon my soul you are!' + +'Now,' said Mr Pecksniff, crossing his two forefingers in a manner which +was at once conciliatory and argumentative; 'I will not, upon the one +hand, go so far as to say that she deserves all the inflictions which +have been so very forcibly and hilariously suggested;' one of his +ornamental sentences; 'nor will I, upon the other, on any account +compromise my common understanding as a man, by making the assertion +that she does not. What I would observe is, that I think some practical +means might be devised of inducing our respected, shall I say our +revered--?' + +'No!' interposed the strong-minded woman in a loud voice. + +'Then I will not,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You are quite right, my +dear madam, and I appreciate and thank you for your discriminating +objection--our respected relative, to dispose himself to listen to the +promptings of nature, and not to the--' + +'Go on, Pa!' cried Mercy. + +'Why, the truth is, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling upon his +assembled kindred, 'that I am at a loss for a word. The name of those +fabulous animals (pagan, I regret to say) who used to sing in the water, +has quite escaped me.' + +Mr George Chuzzlewit suggested 'swans.' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Not swans. Very like swans, too. Thank you.' + +The nephew with the outline of a countenance, speaking for the first and +last time on that occasion, propounded 'Oysters.' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his own peculiar urbanity, 'nor oysters. +But by no means unlike oysters; a very excellent idea; thank you, my +dear sir, very much. Wait! Sirens. Dear me! sirens, of course. I think, +I say, that means might be devised of disposing our respected relative +to listen to the promptings of nature, and not to the siren-like +delusions of art. Now we must not lose sight of the fact that our +esteemed friend has a grandson, to whom he was, until lately, very much +attached, and whom I could have wished to see here to-day, for I have a +real and deep regard for him. A fine young man, a very fine young man! +I would submit to you, whether we might not remove Mr Chuzzlewit's +distrust of us, and vindicate our own disinterestedness by--' + +'If Mr George Chuzzlewit has anything to say to ME,' interposed the +strong-minded woman, sternly, 'I beg him to speak out like a man; and +not to look at me and my daughters as if he could eat us.' + +'As to looking, I have heard it said, Mrs Ned,' returned Mr George, +angrily, 'that a cat is free to contemplate a monarch; and therefore +I hope I have some right, having been born a member of this family, to +look at a person who only came into it by marriage. As to eating, I +beg to say, whatever bitterness your jealousies and disappointed +expectations may suggest to you, that I am not a cannibal, ma'am.' + +'I don't know that!' cried the strong-minded woman. + +'At all events, if I was a cannibal,' said Mr George Chuzzlewit, greatly +stimulated by this retort, 'I think it would occur to me that a lady +who had outlived three husbands, and suffered so very little from their +loss, must be most uncommonly tough.' + +The strong-minded woman immediately rose. + +'And I will further add,' said Mr George, nodding his head violently at +every second syllable; 'naming no names, and therefore hurting nobody +but those whose consciences tell them they are alluded to, that I think +it would be much more decent and becoming, if those who hooked and +crooked themselves into this family by getting on the blind side of some +of its members before marriage, and manslaughtering them afterwards by +crowing over them to that strong pitch that they were glad to die, would +refrain from acting the part of vultures in regard to other members of +this family who are living. I think it would be full as well, if not +better, if those individuals would keep at home, contenting themselves +with what they have got (luckily for them) already; instead of hovering +about, and thrusting their fingers into, a family pie, which they +flavour much more than enough, I can tell them, when they are fifty +miles away.' + +'I might have been prepared for this!' cried the strong-minded woman, +looking about her with a disdainful smile as she moved towards the door, +followed by her three daughters. 'Indeed I was fully prepared for it +from the first. What else could I expect in such an atmosphere as this!' + +'Don't direct your halfpay-officers' gaze at me, ma'am, if you please,' +interposed Miss Charity; 'for I won't bear it.' + +This was a smart stab at a pension enjoyed by the strong-minded woman, +during her second widowhood and before her last coverture. It told +immensely. + +'I passed from the memory of a grateful country, you very miserable +minx,' said Mrs Ned, 'when I entered this family; and I feel now, though +I did not feel then, that it served me right, and that I lost my claim +upon the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland when I so degraded +myself. Now, my dears, if you're quite ready, and have sufficiently +improved yourselves by taking to heart the genteel example of these two +young ladies, I think we'll go. Mr Pecksniff, we are very much obliged +to you, really. We came to be entertained, and you have far surpassed +our utmost expectations, in the amusement you have provided for us. +Thank you. Good-bye!' + +With such departing words, did this strong-minded female paralyse the +Pecksniffian energies; and so she swept out of the room, and out of +the house, attended by her daughters, who, as with one accord, elevated +their three noses in the air, and joined in a contemptuous titter. +As they passed the parlour window on the outside, they were seen to +counterfeit a perfect transport of delight among themselves; and +with this final blow and great discouragement for those within, they +vanished. + +Before Mr Pecksniff or any of his remaining visitors could offer a +remark, another figure passed this window, coming, at a great rate in +the opposite direction; and immediately afterwards, Mr Spottletoe burst +into the chamber. Compared with his present state of heat, he had gone +out a man of snow or ice. His head distilled such oil upon his whiskers, +that they were rich and clogged with unctuous drops; his face was +violently inflamed, his limbs trembled; and he gasped and strove for +breath. + +'My good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +'Oh yes!' returned the other; 'oh yes, certainly! Oh to be sure! Oh, of +course! You hear him? You hear him? all of you!' + +'What's the matter?' cried several voices. + +'Oh nothing!' cried Spottletoe, still gasping. 'Nothing at all! It's of +no consequence! Ask him! HE'll tell you!' + +'I do not understand our friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking about him +in utter amazement. 'I assure you that he is quite unintelligible to +me.' + +'Unintelligible, sir!' cried the other. 'Unintelligible! Do you mean +to say, sir, that you don't know what has happened! That you haven't +decoyed us here, and laid a plot and a plan against us! Will you venture +to say that you didn't know Mr Chuzzlewit was going, sir, and that you +don't know he's gone, sir?' + +'Gone!' was the general cry. + +'Gone,' echoed Mr Spottletoe. 'Gone while we were sitting here. Gone. +Nobody knows where he's gone. Oh, of course not! Nobody knew he was +going. Oh, of course not! The landlady thought up to the very last +moment that they were merely going for a ride; she had no other +suspicion. Oh, of course not! She's not this fellow's creature. Oh, of +course not!' + +Adding to these exclamations a kind of ironical howl, and gazing upon +the company for one brief instant afterwards, in a sudden silence, the +irritated gentleman started off again at the same tremendous pace, and +was seen no more. + +It was in vain for Mr Pecksniff to assure them that this new and +opportune evasion of the family was at least as great a shock +and surprise to him as to anybody else. Of all the bullyings and +denunciations that were ever heaped on one unlucky head, none can +ever have exceeded in energy and heartiness those with which he was +complimented by each of his remaining relatives, singly, upon bidding +him farewell. + +The moral position taken by Mr Tigg was something quite tremendous; and +the deaf cousin, who had the complicated aggravation of seeing all the +proceedings and hearing nothing but the catastrophe, actually scraped +her shoes upon the scraper, and afterwards distributed impressions of +them all over the top step, in token that she shook the dust from her +feet before quitting that dissembling and perfidious mansion. + +Mr Pecksniff had, in short, but one comfort, and that was the knowledge +that all these his relations and friends had hated him to the very +utmost extent before; and that he, for his part, had not distributed +among them any more love than, with his ample capital in that respect, +he could comfortably afford to part with. This view of his affairs +yielded him great consolation; and the fact deserves to be noted, as +showing with what ease a good man may be consoled under circumstances of +failure and disappointment. + + + +CHAPTER FIVE + +CONTAINING A FULL ACCOUNT OF THE INSTALLATION OF MR PECKSNIFF'S NEW +PUPIL INTO THE BOSOM OF MR PECKSNIFF'S FAMILY. WITH ALL THE FESTIVITIES +HELD ON THAT OCCASION, AND THE GREAT ENJOYMENT OF MR PINCH + + +The best of architects and land surveyors kept a horse, in whom the +enemies already mentioned more than once in these pages pretended to +detect a fanciful resemblance to his master. Not in his outward +person, for he was a raw-boned, haggard horse, always on a much shorter +allowance of corn than Mr Pecksniff; but in his moral character, +wherein, said they, he was full of promise, but of no performance. +He was always in a manner, going to go, and never going. When at his +slowest rate of travelling he would sometimes lift up his legs so high, +and display such mighty action, that it was difficult to believe he was +doing less than fourteen miles an hour; and he was for ever so +perfectly satisfied with his own speed, and so little disconcerted by +opportunities of comparing himself with the fastest trotters, that the +illusion was the more difficult of resistance. He was a kind of animal +who infused into the breasts of strangers a lively sense of hope, and +possessed all those who knew him better with a grim despair. In what +respect, having these points of character, he might be fairly likened +to his master, that good man's slanderers only can explain. But it is a +melancholy truth, and a deplorable instance of the uncharitableness of +the world, that they made the comparison. + +In this horse, and the hooded vehicle, whatever its proper name might +be, to which he was usually harnessed--it was more like a gig with a +tumour than anything else--all Mr Pinch's thoughts and wishes centred, +one bright frosty morning; for with this gallant equipage he was about +to drive to Salisbury alone, there to meet with the new pupil, and +thence to bring him home in triumph. + +Blessings on thy simple heart, Tom Pinch, how proudly dost thou button +up that scanty coat, called by a sad misnomer, for these many years, +a 'great' one; and how thoroughly, as with thy cheerful voice thou +pleasantly adjurest Sam the hostler 'not to let him go yet,' dost thou +believe that quadruped desires to go, and would go if he might! Who +could repress a smile--of love for thee, Tom Pinch, and not in jest at +thy expense, for thou art poor enough already, Heaven knows--to think +that such a holiday as lies before thee should awaken that quick flow +and hurry of the spirits, in which thou settest down again, almost +untasted, on the kitchen window-sill, that great white mug (put by, by +thy own hands, last night, that breakfast might not hold thee late), and +layest yonder crust upon the seat beside thee, to be eaten on the road, +when thou art calmer in thy high rejoicing! Who, as thou drivest off, a +happy, man, and noddest with a grateful lovingness to Pecksniff in his +nightcap at his chamber-window, would not cry, 'Heaven speed thee, Tom, +and send that thou wert going off for ever to some quiet home where thou +mightst live at peace, and sorrow should not touch thee!' + +What better time for driving, riding, walking, moving through the air by +any means, than a fresh, frosty morning, when hope runs cheerily through +the veins with the brisk blood, and tingles in the frame from head to +foot! This was the glad commencement of a bracing day in early winter, +such as may put the languid summer season (speaking of it when it can't +be had) to the blush, and shame the spring for being sometimes cold by +halves. The sheep-bells rang as clearly in the vigorous air, as if they +felt its wholesome influence like living creatures; the trees, in lieu +of leaves or blossoms, shed upon the ground a frosty rime that sparkled +as it fell, and might have been the dust of diamonds. So it was to Tom. +From cottage chimneys, smoke went streaming up high, high, as if the +earth had lost its grossness, being so fair, and must not be oppressed +by heavy vapour. The crust of ice on the else rippling brook was so +transparent, and so thin in texture, that the lively water might of its +own free will have stopped--in Tom's glad mind it had--to look upon the +lovely morning. And lest the sun should break this charm too eagerly, +there moved between him and the ground, a mist like that which waits +upon the moon on summer nights--the very same to Tom--and wooed him to +dissolve it gently. + +Tom Pinch went on; not fast, but with a sense of rapid motion, which did +just as well; and as he went, all kinds of things occurred to keep him +happy. Thus when he came within sight of the turnpike, and was--oh a +long way off!--he saw the tollman's wife, who had that moment checked a +waggon, run back into the little house again like mad, to say (she knew) +that Mr Pinch was coming up. And she was right, for when he drew within +hail of the gate, forth rushed the tollman's children, shrieking in tiny +chorus, 'Mr Pinch!' to Tom's intense delight. The very tollman, though +an ugly chap in general, and one whom folks were rather shy of handling, +came out himself to take the toll, and give him rough good morning; and +that with all this, and a glimpse of the family breakfast on a little +round table before the fire, the crust Tom Pinch had brought away with +him acquired as rich a flavour as though it had been cut from a fairy +loaf. + +But there was more than this. It was not only the married people and the +children who gave Tom Pinch a welcome as he passed. No, no. Sparkling +eyes and snowy breasts came hurriedly to many an upper casement as he +clattered by, and gave him back his greeting: not stinted either, but +sevenfold, good measure. They were all merry. They all laughed. And some +of the wickedest among them even kissed their hands as Tom looked back. +For who minded poor Mr Pinch? There was no harm in HIM. + +And now the morning grew so fair, and all things were so wide awake and +gay, that the sun seeming to say--Tom had no doubt he said--'I can't +stand it any longer; I must have a look,' streamed out in radiant +majesty. The mist, too shy and gentle for such lusty company, fled off, +quite scared, before it; and as it swept away, the hills and mounds and +distant pasture lands, teeming with placid sheep and noisy crows, came +out as bright as though they were unrolled bran new for the occasion. In +compliment to which discovery, the brook stood still no longer, but ran +briskly off to bear the tidings to the water-mill, three miles away. + +Mr Pinch was jogging along, full of pleasant thoughts and cheerful +influences, when he saw, upon the path before him, going in the same +direction with himself, a traveller on foot, who walked with a light +quick step, and sang as he went--for certain in a very loud voice, but +not unmusically. He was a young fellow, of some five or six-and-twenty +perhaps, and was dressed in such a free and fly-away fashion, that the +long ends of his loose red neckcloth were streaming out behind him +quite as often as before; and the bunch of bright winter berries in the +buttonhole of his velveteen coat was as visible to Mr Pinch's rearward +observation, as if he had worn that garment wrong side foremost. He +continued to sing with so much energy, that he did not hear the sound +of wheels until it was close behind him; when he turned a whimsical +face and a very merry pair of blue eyes on Mr Pinch, and checked himself +directly. + +'Why, Mark?' said Tom Pinch, stopping. 'Who'd have thought of seeing you +here? Well! this is surprising!' + +Mark touched his hat, and said, with a very sudden decrease of vivacity, +that he was going to Salisbury. + +'And how spruce you are, too!' said Mr Pinch, surveying him with great +pleasure. 'Really, I didn't think you were half such a tight-made +fellow, Mark!' + +'Thankee, Mr Pinch. Pretty well for that, I believe. It's not my fault, +you know. With regard to being spruce, sir, that's where it is, you +see.' And here he looked particularly gloomy. + +'Where what is?' Mr Pinch demanded. + +'Where the aggravation of it is. Any man may be in good spirits and good +temper when he's well dressed. There an't much credit in that. If I was +very ragged and very jolly, then I should begin to feel I had gained a +point, Mr Pinch.' + +'So you were singing just now, to bear up, as it were, against being +well dressed, eh, Mark?' said Pinch. + +'Your conversation's always equal to print, sir,' rejoined Mark, with a +broad grin. 'That was it.' + +'Well!' cried Pinch, 'you are the strangest young man, Mark, I ever knew +in my life. I always thought so; but now I am quite certain of it. I am +going to Salisbury, too. Will you get in? I shall be very glad of your +company.' + +The young fellow made his acknowledgments and accepted the offer; +stepping into the carriage directly, and seating himself on the very +edge of the seat with his body half out of it, to express his being +there on sufferance, and by the politeness of Mr Pinch. As they went +along, the conversation proceeded after this manner. + +'I more than half believed, just now, seeing you so very smart,' said +Pinch, 'that you must be going to be married, Mark.' + +'Well, sir, I've thought of that, too,' he replied. 'There might be some +credit in being jolly with a wife, 'specially if the children had the +measles and that, and was very fractious indeed. But I'm a'most afraid +to try it. I don't see my way clear.' + +'You're not very fond of anybody, perhaps?' said Pinch. + +'Not particular, sir, I think.' + +'But the way would be, you know, Mark, according to your views of +things,' said Mr Pinch, 'to marry somebody you didn't like, and who was +very disagreeable.' + +'So it would, sir; but that might be carrying out a principle a little +too far, mightn't it?' + +'Perhaps it might,' said Mr Pinch. At which they both laughed gayly. + +'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'you don't half know me, though. I +don't believe there ever was a man as could come out so strong under +circumstances that would make other men miserable, as I could, if I +could only get a chance. But I can't get a chance. It's my opinion +that nobody never will know half of what's in me, unless something very +unexpected turns up. And I don't see any prospect of that. I'm a-going +to leave the Dragon, sir.' + +'Going to leave the Dragon!' cried Mr Pinch, looking at him with great +astonishment. 'Why, Mark, you take my breath away!' + +'Yes, sir,' he rejoined, looking straight before him and a long way off, +as men do sometimes when they cogitate profoundly. 'What's the use of my +stopping at the Dragon? It an't at all the sort of place for ME. When +I left London (I'm a Kentish man by birth, though), and took that +situation here, I quite made up my mind that it was the dullest little +out-of-the-way corner in England, and that there would be some credit in +being jolly under such circumstances. But, Lord, there's no dullness at +the Dragon! Skittles, cricket, quoits, nine-pins, comic songs, choruses, +company round the chimney corner every winter's evening. Any man could +be jolly at the Dragon. There's no credit in THAT.' + +'But if common report be true for once, Mark, as I think it is, being +able to confirm it by what I know myself,' said Mr Pinch, 'you are the +cause of half this merriment, and set it going.' + +'There may be something in that, too, sir,' answered Mark. 'But that's +no consolation.' + +'Well!' said Mr Pinch, after a short silence, his usually subdued tone +being even now more subdued than ever. 'I can hardly think enough of +what you tell me. Why, what will become of Mrs Lupin, Mark?' + +Mark looked more fixedly before him, and further off still, as he +answered that he didn't suppose it would be much of an object to her. +There were plenty of smart young fellows as would be glad of the place. +He knew a dozen himself. + +'That's probable enough,' said Mr Pinch, 'but I am not at all sure that +Mrs Lupin would be glad of them. Why, I always supposed that Mrs Lupin +and you would make a match of it, Mark; and so did every one, as far as +I know.' + +'I never,' Mark replied, in some confusion, 'said nothing as was in a +direct way courting-like to her, nor she to me, but I don't know what I +mightn't do one of these odd times, and what she mightn't say in answer. +Well, sir, THAT wouldn't suit.' + +'Not to be landlord of the Dragon, Mark?' cried Mr Pinch. + +'No, sir, certainly not,' returned the other, withdrawing his gaze from +the horizon, and looking at his fellow-traveller. 'Why that would be the +ruin of a man like me. I go and sit down comfortably for life, and no +man never finds me out. What would be the credit of the landlord of the +Dragon's being jolly? Why, he couldn't help it, if he tried.' + +'Does Mrs Lupin know you are going to leave her?' Mr Pinch inquired. + +'I haven't broke it to her yet, sir, but I must. I'm looking out this +morning for something new and suitable,' he said, nodding towards the +city. + +'What kind of thing now?' Mr Pinch demanded. + +'I was thinking,' Mark replied, 'of something in the grave-digging. +way.' + +'Good gracious, Mark?' cried Mr Pinch. + +'It's a good damp, wormy sort of business, sir,' said Mark, shaking his +head argumentatively, 'and there might be some credit in being jolly, +with one's mind in that pursuit, unless grave-diggers is usually given +that way; which would be a drawback. You don't happen to know how that +is in general, do you, sir?' + +'No,' said Mr Pinch, 'I don't indeed. I never thought upon the subject.' + +'In case of that not turning out as well as one could wish, you know,' +said Mark, musing again, 'there's other businesses. Undertaking now. +That's gloomy. There might be credit to be gained there. A broker's man +in a poor neighbourhood wouldn't be bad perhaps. A jailor sees a deal of +misery. A doctor's man is in the very midst of murder. A bailiff's an't +a lively office nat'rally. Even a tax-gatherer must find his feelings +rather worked upon, at times. There's lots of trades in which I should +have an opportunity, I think.' + +Mr Pinch was so perfectly overwhelmed by these remarks that he could +do nothing but occasionally exchange a word or two on some indifferent +subject, and cast sidelong glances at the bright face of his odd friend +(who seemed quite unconscious of his observation), until they reached a +certain corner of the road, close upon the outskirts of the city, when +Mark said he would jump down there, if he pleased. + +'But bless my soul, Mark,' said Mr Pinch, who in the progress of +his observation just then made the discovery that the bosom of his +companion's shirt was as much exposed as if it was Midsummer, and was +ruffled by every breath of air, 'why don't you wear a waistcoat?' + +'What's the good of one, sir?' asked Mark. + +'Good of one?' said Mr Pinch. 'Why, to keep your chest warm.' + +'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mark, 'you don't know me. My chest don't +want no warming. Even if it did, what would no waistcoat bring it to? +Inflammation of the lungs, perhaps? Well, there'd be some credit in +being jolly, with a inflammation of the lungs.' + +As Mr Pinch returned no other answer than such as was conveyed in his +breathing very hard, and opening his eyes very wide, and nodding his +head very much, Mark thanked him for his ride, and without troubling +him to stop, jumped lightly down. And away he fluttered, with his red +neckerchief, and his open coat, down a cross-lane; turning back from +time to time to nod to Mr Pinch, and looking one of the most careless, +good-humoured comical fellows in life. His late companion, with a +thoughtful face pursued his way to Salisbury. + +Mr Pinch had a shrewd notion that Salisbury was a very desperate sort of +place; an exceeding wild and dissipated city; and when he had put up the +horse, and given the hostler to understand that he would look in again +in the course of an hour or two to see him take his corn, he set forth +on a stroll about the streets with a vague and not unpleasant idea that +they teemed with all kinds of mystery and bedevilment. To one of +his quiet habits this little delusion was greatly assisted by the +circumstance of its being market-day, and the thoroughfares about the +market-place being filled with carts, horses, donkeys, baskets, waggons, +garden-stuff, meat, tripe, pies, poultry and huckster's wares of every +opposite description and possible variety of character. Then there were +young farmers and old farmers with smock-frocks, brown great-coats, drab +great-coats, red worsted comforters, leather-leggings, wonderful shaped +hats, hunting-whips, and rough sticks, standing about in groups, or +talking noisily together on the tavern steps, or paying and receiving +huge amounts of greasy wealth, with the assistance of such bulky +pocket-books that when they were in their pockets it was apoplexy to +get them out, and when they were out it was spasms to get them in again. +Also there were farmers' wives in beaver bonnets and red cloaks, riding +shaggy horses purged of all earthly passions, who went soberly into all +manner of places without desiring to know why, and who, if required, +would have stood stock still in a china shop, with a complete +dinner-service at each hoof. Also a great many dogs, who were strongly +interested in the state of the market and the bargains of their masters; +and a great confusion of tongues, both brute and human. + +Mr Pinch regarded everything exposed for sale with great delight, and +was particularly struck by the itinerant cutlery, which he considered +of the very keenest kind, insomuch that he purchased a pocket knife with +seven blades in it, and not a cut (as he afterwards found out) among +them. When he had exhausted the market-place, and watched the farmers +safe into the market dinner, he went back to look after the horse. +Having seen him eat unto his heart's content he issued forth again, +to wander round the town and regale himself with the shop windows; +previously taking a long stare at the bank, and wondering in what +direction underground the caverns might be where they kept the money; +and turning to look back at one or two young men who passed him, whom +he knew to be articled to solicitors in the town; and who had a sort of +fearful interest in his eyes, as jolly dogs who knew a thing or two, and +kept it up tremendously. + +But the shops. First of all there were the jewellers' shops, with all +the treasures of the earth displayed therein, and such large silver +watches hanging up in every pane of glass, that if they were anything +but first-rate goers it certainly was not because the works could +decently complain of want of room. In good sooth they were big enough, +and perhaps, as the saying is, ugly enough, to be the most correct of +all mechanical performers; in Mr Pinch's eyes, however they were smaller +than Geneva ware; and when he saw one very bloated watch announced as a +repeater, gifted with the uncommon power of striking every quarter of an +hour inside the pocket of its happy owner, he almost wished that he were +rich enough to buy it. + +But what were even gold and silver, precious stones and clockwork, to +the bookshops, whence a pleasant smell of paper freshly pressed came +issuing forth, awakening instant recollections of some new grammar had +at school, long time ago, with 'Master Pinch, Grove House Academy,' +inscribed in faultless writing on the fly-leaf! That whiff of russia +leather, too, and all those rows on rows of volumes neatly ranged +within--what happiness did they suggest! And in the window were +the spick-and-span new works from London, with the title-pages, and +sometimes even the first page of the first chapter, laid wide open; +tempting unwary men to begin to read the book, and then, in the +impossibility of turning over, to rush blindly in, and buy it! Here too +were the dainty frontispiece and trim vignette, pointing like handposts +on the outskirts of great cities, to the rich stock of incident beyond; +and store of books, with many a grave portrait and time-honoured name, +whose matter he knew well, and would have given mines to have, in any +form, upon the narrow shell beside his bed at Mr Pecksniff's. What a +heart-breaking shop it was! + +There was another; not quite so bad at first, but still a trying shop; +where children's books were sold, and where poor Robinson Crusoe +stood alone in his might, with dog and hatchet, goat-skin cap and +fowling-pieces; calmly surveying Philip Quarn and the host of imitators +round him, and calling Mr Pinch to witness that he, of all the crowd, +impressed one solitary footprint on the shore of boyish memory, whereof +the tread of generations should not stir the lightest grain of sand. +And there too were the Persian tales, with flying chests and students of +enchanted books shut up for years in caverns; and there too was Abudah, +the merchant, with the terrible little old woman hobbling out of the box +in his bedroom; and there the mighty talisman, the rare Arabian Nights, +with Cassim Baba, divided by four, like the ghost of a dreadful sum, +hanging up, all gory, in the robbers' cave. Which matchless wonders, +coming fast on Mr Pinch's mind, did so rub up and chafe that wonderful +lamp within him, that when he turned his face towards the busy street, +a crowd of phantoms waited on his pleasure, and he lived again, with new +delight, the happy days before the Pecksniff era. + +He had less interest now in the chemists' shops, with their great +glowing bottles (with smaller repositories of brightness in their very +stoppers); and in their agreeable compromises between medicine and +perfumery, in the shape of toothsome lozenges and virgin honey. Neither +had he the least regard (but he never had much) for the tailors', where +the newest metropolitan waistcoat patterns were hanging up, which by +some strange transformation always looked amazing there, and never +appeared at all like the same thing anywhere else. But he stopped to +read the playbill at the theatre and surveyed the doorway with a kind +of awe, which was not diminished when a sallow gentleman with long dark +hair came out, and told a boy to run home to his lodgings and bring down +his broadsword. Mr Pinch stood rooted to the spot on hearing this, and +might have stood there until dark, but that the old cathedral bell began +to ring for vesper service, on which he tore himself away. + +Now, the organist's assistant was a friend of Mr Pinch's, which was a +good thing, for he too was a very quiet gentle soul, and had been, like +Tom, a kind of old-fashioned boy at school, though well liked by the +noisy fellow too. As good luck would have it (Tom always said he had +great good luck) the assistant chanced that very afternoon to be on duty +by himself, with no one in the dusty organ loft but Tom; so while he +played, Tom helped him with the stops; and finally, the service being +just over, Tom took the organ himself. It was then turning dark, and the +yellow light that streamed in through the ancient windows in the choir +was mingled with a murky red. As the grand tones resounded through +the church, they seemed, to Tom, to find an echo in the depth of every +ancient tomb, no less than in the deep mystery of his own heart. Great +thoughts and hopes came crowding on his mind as the rich music rolled +upon the air and yet among them--something more grave and solemn in +their purpose, but the same--were all the images of that day, down to +its very lightest recollection of childhood. The feeling that the sounds +awakened, in the moment of their existence, seemed to include his whole +life and being; and as the surrounding realities of stone and wood +and glass grew dimmer in the darkness, these visions grew so much the +brighter that Tom might have forgotten the new pupil and the expectant +master, and have sat there pouring out his grateful heart till midnight, +but for a very earthy old verger insisting on locking up the cathedral +forthwith. So he took leave of his friend, with many thanks, groped his +way out, as well as he could, into the now lamp-lighted streets, and +hurried off to get his dinner. + +All the farmers being by this time jogging homewards, there was nobody +in the sanded parlour of the tavern where he had left the horse; so he +had his little table drawn out close before the fire, and fell to +work upon a well-cooked steak and smoking hot potatoes, with a strong +appreciation of their excellence, and a very keen sense of enjoyment. +Beside him, too, there stood a jug of most stupendous Wiltshire beer; +and the effect of the whole was so transcendent, that he was obliged +every now and then to lay down his knife and fork, rub his hands, and +think about it. By the time the cheese and celery came, Mr Pinch had +taken a book out of his pocket, and could afford to trifle with the +viands; now eating a little, now drinking a little, now reading a +little, and now stopping to wonder what sort of a young man the new +pupil would turn out to be. He had passed from this latter theme and was +deep in his book again, when the door opened, and another guest came in, +bringing with him such a quantity of cold air, that he positively seemed +at first to put the fire out. + +'Very hard frost to-night, sir,' said the newcomer, courteously +acknowledging Mr Pinch's withdrawal of the little table, that he might +have place: 'Don't disturb yourself, I beg.' + +Though he said this with a vast amount of consideration for Mr Pinch's +comfort, he dragged one of the great leather-bottomed chairs to the +very centre of the hearth, notwithstanding; and sat down in front of the +fire, with a foot on each hob. + +'My feet are quite numbed. Ah! Bitter cold to be sure.' + +'You have been in the air some considerable time, I dare say?' said Mr +Pinch. + +'All day. Outside a coach, too.' + +'That accounts for his making the room so cool,' thought Mr Pinch. 'Poor +fellow! How thoroughly chilled he must be!' + +The stranger became thoughtful likewise, and sat for five or ten minutes +looking at the fire in silence. At length he rose and divested himself +of his shawl and great-coat, which (far different from Mr Pinch's) was +a very warm and thick one; but he was not a whit more conversational out +of his great-coat than in it, for he sat down again in the same place +and attitude, and leaning back in his chair, began to bite his nails. He +was young--one-and-twenty, perhaps--and handsome; with a keen dark eye, +and a quickness of look and manner which made Tom sensible of a great +contrast in his own bearing, and caused him to feel even more shy than +usual. + +There was a clock in the room, which the stranger often turned to +look at. Tom made frequent reference to it also; partly from a nervous +sympathy with its taciturn companion; and partly because the new pupil +was to inquire for him at half after six, and the hands were getting +on towards that hour. Whenever the stranger caught him looking at this +clock, a kind of confusion came upon Tom as if he had been found out in +something; and it was a perception of his uneasiness which caused the +younger man to say, perhaps, with a smile: + +'We both appear to be rather particular about the time. The fact is, I +have an engagement to meet a gentleman here.' + +'So have I,' said Mr Pinch. + +'At half-past six,' said the stranger. + +'At half-past six,' said Tom in the very same breath; whereupon the +other looked at him with some surprise. + +'The young gentleman, I expect,' remarked Tom, timidly, 'was to inquire +at that time for a person by the name of Pinch.' + +'Dear me!' cried the other, jumping up. 'And I have been keeping the +fire from you all this while! I had no idea you were Mr Pinch. I am the +Mr Martin for whom you were to inquire. Pray excuse me. How do you do? +Oh, do draw nearer, pray!' + +'Thank you,' said Tom, 'thank you. I am not at all cold, and you are; +and we have a cold ride before us. Well, if you wish it, I will. I--I am +very glad,' said Tom, smiling with an embarrassed frankness peculiarly +his, and which was as plainly a confession of his own imperfections, and +an appeal to the kindness of the person he addressed, as if he had drawn +one up in simple language and committed it to paper: 'I am very glad +indeed that you turn out to be the party I expected. I was thinking, but +a minute ago, that I could wish him to be like you.' + +'I am very glad to hear it,' returned Martin, shaking hands with him +again; 'for I assure you, I was thinking there could be no such luck as +Mr Pinch's turning out like you.' + +'No, really!' said Tom, with great pleasure. 'Are you serious?' + +'Upon my word I am,' replied his new acquaintance. 'You and I will get +on excellently well, I know; which it's no small relief to me to feel, +for to tell you the truth, I am not at all the sort of fellow who could +get on with everybody, and that's the point on which I had the greatest +doubts. But they're quite relieved now.--Do me the favour to ring the +bell, will you?' + +Mr Pinch rose, and complied with great alacrity--the handle hung just +over Martin's head, as he warmed himself--and listened with a smiling +face to what his friend went on to say. It was: + +'If you like punch, you'll allow me to order a glass apiece, as hot +as it can be made, that we may usher in our friendship in a becoming +manner. To let you into a secret, Mr Pinch, I never was so much in want +of something warm and cheering in my life; but I didn't like to run the +chance of being found drinking it, without knowing what kind of person +you were; for first impressions, you know, often go a long way, and last +a long time.' + +Mr Pinch assented, and the punch was ordered. In due course it came; hot +and strong. After drinking to each other in the steaming mixture, they +became quite confidential. + +'I'm a sort of relation of Pecksniff's, you know,' said the young man. + +'Indeed!' cried Mr Pinch. + +'Yes. My grandfather is his cousin, so he's kith and kin to me, somehow, +if you can make that out. I can't.' + +'Then Martin is your Christian name?' said Mr Pinch, thoughtfully. 'Oh!' + +'Of course it is,' returned his friend: 'I wish it was my surname for +my own is not a very pretty one, and it takes a long time to sign +Chuzzlewit is my name.' + +'Dear me!' cried Mr Pinch, with an involuntary start. + +'You're not surprised at my having two names, I suppose?' returned the +other, setting his glass to his lips. 'Most people have.' + +'Oh, no,' said Mr Pinch, 'not at all. Oh dear no! Well!' And then +remembering that Mr Pecksniff had privately cautioned him to say nothing +in reference to the old gentleman of the same name who had lodged at +the Dragon, but to reserve all mention of that person for him, he had +no better means of hiding his confusion than by raising his own glass +to his mouth. They looked at each other out of their respective tumblers +for a few seconds, and then put them down empty. + +'I told them in the stable to be ready for us ten minutes ago,' said Mr +Pinch, glancing at the clock again. 'Shall we go?' + +'If you please,' returned the other. + +'Would you like to drive?' said Mr Pinch; his whole face beaming with a +consciousness of the splendour of his offer. 'You shall, if you wish.' + +'Why, that depends, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, laughing, 'upon what sort +of a horse you have. Because if he's a bad one, I would rather keep my +hands warm by holding them comfortably in my greatcoat pockets.' + +He appeared to think this such a good joke, that Mr Pinch was quite sure +it must be a capital one. Accordingly, he laughed too, and was fully +persuaded that he enjoyed it very much. Then he settled his bill, and Mr +Chuzzlewit paid for the punch; and having wrapped themselves up, to the +extent of their respective means, they went out together to the front +door, where Mr Pecksniff's property stopped the way. + +'I won't drive, thank you, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, getting into the +sitter's place. 'By the bye, there's a box of mine. Can we manage to +take it?' + +'Oh, certainly,' said Tom. 'Put it in, Dick, anywhere!' + +It was not precisely of that convenient size which would admit of its +being squeezed into any odd corner, but Dick the hostler got it in +somehow, and Mr Chuzzlewit helped him. It was all on Mr Pinch's side, +and Mr Chuzzlewit said he was very much afraid it would encumber him; to +which Tom said, 'Not at all;' though it forced him into such an awkward +position, that he had much ado to see anything but his own knees. But it +is an ill wind that blows nobody any good; and the wisdom of the saying +was verified in this instance; for the cold air came from Mr Pinch's +side of the carriage, and by interposing a perfect wall of box and +man between it and the new pupil, he shielded that young gentleman +effectually; which was a great comfort. + +It was a clear evening, with a bright moon. The whole landscape was +silvered by its light and by the hoar-frost; and everything looked +exquisitely beautiful. At first, the great serenity and peace through +which they travelled, disposed them both to silence; but in a very short +time the punch within them and the healthful air without, made them +loquacious, and they talked incessantly. When they were halfway home, +and stopped to give the horse some water, Martin (who was very generous +with his money) ordered another glass of punch, which they drank between +them, and which had not the effect of making them less conversational +than before. Their principal topic of discourse was naturally Mr +Pecksniff and his family; of whom, and of the great obligations they had +heaped upon him, Tom Pinch, with the tears standing in his eyes, drew +such a picture as would have inclined any one of common feeling +almost to revere them; and of which Mr Pecksniff had not the slightest +foresight or preconceived idea, or he certainly (being very humble) +would not have sent Tom Pinch to bring the pupil home. + +In this way they went on, and on, and on--in the language of the +story-books--until at last the village lights appeared before them, and +the church spire cast a long reflection on the graveyard grass; as if +it were a dial (alas, the truest in the world!) marking, whatever light +shone out of Heaven, the flight of days and weeks and years, by some new +shadow on that solemn ground. + +'A pretty church!' said Martin, observing that his companion slackened +the slack pace of the horse, as they approached. + +'Is it not?' cried Tom, with great pride. 'There's the sweetest little +organ there you ever heard. I play it for them.' + +'Indeed?' said Martin. 'It is hardly worth the trouble, I should think. +What do you get for that, now?' + +'Nothing,' answered Tom. + +'Well,' returned his friend, 'you ARE a very strange fellow!' + +To which remark there succeeded a brief silence. + +'When I say nothing,' observed Mr Pinch, cheerfully, 'I am wrong, and +don't say what I mean, because I get a great deal of pleasure from it, +and the means of passing some of the happiest hours I know. It led to +something else the other day; but you will not care to hear about that I +dare say?' + +'Oh yes I shall. What?' + +'It led to my seeing,' said Tom, in a lower voice, 'one of the loveliest +and most beautiful faces you can possibly picture to yourself.' + +'And yet I am able to picture a beautiful one,' said his friend, +thoughtfully, 'or should be, if I have any memory.' + +'She came' said Tom, laying his hand upon the other's arm, 'for the +first time very early in the morning, when it was hardly light; and when +I saw her, over my shoulder, standing just within the porch, I turned +quite cold, almost believing her to be a spirit. A moment's reflection +got the better of that, of course, and fortunately it came to my relief +so soon, that I didn't leave off playing.' + +'Why fortunately?' + +'Why? Because she stood there, listening. I had my spectacles on, and +saw her through the chinks in the curtains as plainly as I see you; and +she was beautiful. After a while she glided off, and I continued to play +until she was out of hearing.' + +'Why did you do that?' + +'Don't you see?' responded Tom. 'Because she might suppose I hadn't seen +her; and might return.' + +'And did she?' + +'Certainly she did. Next morning, and next evening too; but always when +there were no people about, and always alone. I rose earlier and sat +there later, that when she came, she might find the church door open, +and the organ playing, and might not be disappointed. She strolled that +way for some days, and always stayed to listen. But she is gone now, +and of all unlikely things in this wide world, it is perhaps the most +improbable that I shall ever look upon her face again.' + +'You don't know anything more about her?' + +'No.' + +'And you never followed her when she went away?' + +'Why should I distress her by doing that?' said Tom Pinch. 'Is it likely +that she wanted my company? She came to hear the organ, not to see me; +and would you have had me scare her from a place she seemed to grow +quite fond of? Now, Heaven bless her!' cried Tom, 'to have given her but +a minute's pleasure every day, I would have gone on playing the organ +at those times until I was an old man; quite contented if she sometimes +thought of a poor fellow like me, as a part of the music; and more than +recompensed if she ever mixed me up with anything she liked as well as +she liked that!' + +The new pupil was clearly very much amazed by Mr Pinch's weakness, and +would probably have told him so, and given him some good advice, but +for their opportune arrival at Mr Pecksniff's door; the front door this +time, on account of the occasion being one of ceremony and rejoicing. +The same man was in waiting for the horse who had been adjured by Mr +Pinch in the morning not to yield to his rabid desire to start; +and after delivering the animal into his charge, and beseeching Mr +Chuzzlewit in a whisper never to reveal a syllable of what he had just +told him in the fullness of his heart, Tom led the pupil in, for instant +presentation. + +Mr Pecksniff had clearly not expected them for hours to come; for he was +surrounded by open books, and was glancing from volume to volume, with a +black lead-pencil in his mouth, and a pair of compasses in his hand, +at a vast number of mathematical diagrams, of such extraordinary shapes +that they looked like designs for fireworks. Neither had Miss Charity +expected them, for she was busied, with a capacious wicker basket before +her, in making impracticable nightcaps for the poor. Neither had Miss +Mercy expected them, for she was sitting upon her stool, tying on +the--oh good gracious!--the petticoat of a large doll that she was +dressing for a neighbour's child--really, quite a grown-up doll, which +made it more confusing--and had its little bonnet dangling by the ribbon +from one of her fair curls, to which she had fastened it lest it should +be lost or sat upon. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to +conceive a family so thoroughly taken by surprise as the Pecksniffs +were, on this occasion. + +Bless my life!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up, and gradually exchanging +his abstracted face for one of joyful recognition. 'Here already! +Martin, my dear boy, I am delighted to welcome you to my poor house!' + +With this kind greeting, Mr Pecksniff fairly took him to his arms, and +patted him several times upon the back with his right hand the while, +as if to express that his feelings during the embrace were too much for +utterance. + +'But here,' he said, recovering, 'are my daughters, Martin; my two only +children, whom (if you ever saw them) you have not beheld--ah, these sad +family divisions!--since you were infants together. Nay, my dears, why +blush at being detected in your everyday pursuits? We had prepared +to give you the reception of a visitor, Martin, in our little room of +state,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling, 'but I like this better, I like this +better!' + +Oh blessed star of Innocence, wherever you may be, how did you glitter +in your home of ether, when the two Miss Pecksniffs put forth each her +lily hand, and gave the same, with mantling cheeks, to Martin! How did +you twinkle, as if fluttering with sympathy, when Mercy, reminded of +the bonnet in her hair, hid her fair face and turned her head aside; the +while her gentle sister plucked it out, and smote her with a sister's +soft reproof, upon her buxom shoulder! + +'And how,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning round after the contemplation of +these passages, and taking Mr Pinch in a friendly manner by the elbow, +'how has our friend used you, Martin?' + +'Very well indeed, sir. We are on the best terms, I assure you.' + +'Old Tom Pinch!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking on him with affectionate +sadness. 'Ah! It seems but yesterday that Thomas was a boy fresh from +a scholastic course. Yet years have passed, I think, since Thomas Pinch +and I first walked the world together!' + +Mr Pinch could say nothing. He was too much moved. But he pressed his +master's hand, and tried to thank him. + +'And Thomas Pinch and I,' said Mr Pecksniff, in a deeper voice, 'will +walk it yet, in mutual faithfulness and friendship! And if it comes to +pass that either of us be run over in any of those busy crossings which +divide the streets of life, the other will convey him to the hospital in +Hope, and sit beside his bed in Bounty!' + +'Well, well, well!' he added in a happier tone, as he shook Mr Pinch's +elbow hard. 'No more of this! Martin, my dear friend, that you may be at +home within these walls, let me show you how we live, and where. Come!' + +With that he took up a lighted candle, and, attended by his young +relative, prepared to leave the room. At the door, he stopped. + +'You'll bear us company, Tom Pinch?' + +Aye, cheerfully, though it had been to death, would Tom have followed +him; glad to lay down his life for such a man! + +'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, opening the door of an opposite parlour, 'is +the little room of state, I mentioned to you. My girls have pride in it, +Martin! This,' opening another door, 'is the little chamber in which my +works (slight things at best) have been concocted. Portrait of myself +by Spiller. Bust by Spoker. The latter is considered a good likeness. +I seem to recognize something about the left-hand corner of the nose, +myself.' + +Martin thought it was very like, but scarcely intellectual enough. Mr +Pecksniff observed that the same fault had been found with it before. It +was remarkable it should have struck his young relation too. He was glad +to see he had an eye for art. + +'Various books you observe,' said Mr Pecksniff, waving his hand towards +the wall, 'connected with our pursuit. I have scribbled myself, but +have not yet published. Be careful how you come upstairs. This,' opening +another door, 'is my chamber. I read here when the family suppose I have +retired to rest. Sometimes I injure my health rather more than I can +quite justify to myself, by doing so; but art is long and time is short. +Every facility you see for jotting down crude notions, even here.' + +These latter words were explained by his pointing to a small round table +on which were a lamp, divers sheets of paper, a piece of India rubber, +and a case of instruments; all put ready, in case an architectural idea +should come into Mr Pecksniff's head in the night; in which event he +would instantly leap out of bed, and fix it for ever. + +Mr Pecksniff opened another door on the same floor, and shut it again, +all at once, as if it were a Blue Chamber. But before he had well done +so, he looked smilingly round, and said, 'Why not?' + +Martin couldn't say why not, because he didn't know anything at all +about it. So Mr Pecksniff answered himself, by throwing open the door, +and saying: + +'My daughters' room. A poor first-floor to us, but a bower to them. Very +neat. Very airy. Plants you observe; hyacinths; books again; birds.' +These birds, by the bye, comprised, in all, one staggering old sparrow +without a tail, which had been borrowed expressly from the kitchen. +'Such trifles as girls love are here. Nothing more. Those who seek +heartless splendour, would seek here in vain.' + +With that he led them to the floor above. + +'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, throwing wide the door of the memorable +two-pair front; 'is a room where some talent has been developed I +believe. This is a room in which an idea for a steeple occurred to me +that I may one day give to the world. We work here, my dear Martin. Some +architects have been bred in this room; a few, I think, Mr Pinch?' + +Tom fully assented; and, what is more, fully believed it. + +'You see,' said Mr Pecksniff, passing the candle rapidly from roll to +roll of paper, 'some traces of our doings here. Salisbury Cathedral +from the north. From the south. From the east. From the west. From the +south-east. From the nor'west. A bridge. An almshouse. A jail. A +church. A powder-magazine. A wine-cellar. A portico. A summer-house. An +ice-house. Plans, elevations, sections, every kind of thing. And this,' +he added, having by this time reached another large chamber on the same +story, with four little beds in it, 'this is your room, of which Mr +Pinch here is the quiet sharer. A southern aspect; a charming prospect; +Mr Pinch's little library, you perceive; everything agreeable and +appropriate. If there is any additional comfort you would desire to have +here at anytime, pray mention it. Even to strangers, far less to you, my +dear Martin, there is no restriction on that point.' + +It was undoubtedly true, and may be stated in corroboration of Mr +Pecksniff, that any pupil had the most liberal permission to mention +anything in this way that suggested itself to his fancy. Some young +gentlemen had gone on mentioning the very same thing for five years +without ever being stopped. + +'The domestic assistants,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sleep above; and that +is all.' After which, and listening complacently as he went, to the +encomiums passed by his young friend on the arrangements generally, he +led the way to the parlour again. + +Here a great change had taken place; for festive preparations on +a rather extensive scale were already completed, and the two Miss +Pecksniffs were awaiting their return with hospitable looks. There were +two bottles of currant wine, white and red; a dish of sandwiches (very +long and very slim); another of apples; another of captain's biscuits +(which are always a moist and jovial sort of viand); a plate of oranges +cut up small and gritty; with powdered sugar, and a highly geological +home-made cake. The magnitude of these preparations quite took away Tom +Pinch's breath; for though the new pupils were usually let down softly, +as one may say, particularly in the wine department, which had so many +stages of declension, that sometimes a young gentleman was a whole +fortnight in getting to the pump; still this was a banquet; a sort of +Lord Mayor's feast in private life; a something to think of, and hold on +by, afterwards. + +To this entertainment, which apart from its own intrinsic merits, had +the additional choice quality, that it was in strict keeping with the +night, being both light and cool, Mr Pecksniff besought the company to +do full justice. + +'Martin,' he said, 'will seat himself between you two, my dears, and +Mr Pinch will come by me. Let us drink to our new inmate, and may we be +happy together! Martin, my dear friend, my love to you! Mr Pinch, if you +spare the bottle we shall quarrel.' + +And trying (in his regard for the feelings of the rest) to look as if +the wine were not acid and didn't make him wink, Mr Pecksniff did honour +to his own toast. + +'This,' he said, in allusion to the party, not the wine, 'is a mingling +that repays one for much disappointment and vexation. Let us be merry.' +Here he took a captain's biscuit. 'It is a poor heart that never +rejoices; and our hearts are not poor. No!' + +With such stimulants to merriment did he beguile the time, and do the +honours of the table; while Mr Pinch, perhaps to assure himself that +what he saw and heard was holiday reality, and not a charming dream, ate +of everything, and in particular disposed of the slim sandwiches to a +surprising extent. Nor was he stinted in his draughts of wine; but on +the contrary, remembering Mr Pecksniff's speech, attacked the bottle +with such vigour, that every time he filled his glass anew, Miss +Charity, despite her amiable resolves, could not repress a fixed and +stony glare, as if her eyes had rested on a ghost. Mr Pecksniff also +became thoughtful at those moments, not to say dejected; but as he +knew the vintage, it is very likely he may have been speculating on the +probable condition of Mr Pinch upon the morrow, and discussing within +himself the best remedies for colic. + +Martin and the young ladies were excellent friends already, and compared +recollections of their childish days, to their mutual liveliness and +entertainment. Miss Mercy laughed immensely at everything that was said; +and sometimes, after glancing at the happy face of Mr Pinch, was +seized with such fits of mirth as brought her to the very confines of +hysterics. But for these bursts of gaiety, her sister, in her better +sense, reproved her; observing, in an angry whisper, that it was far +from being a theme for jest; and that she had no patience with the +creature; though it generally ended in her laughing too--but much more +moderately--and saying that indeed it was a little too ridiculous and +intolerable to be serious about. + +At length it became high time to remember the first clause of that great +discovery made by the ancient philosopher, for securing health, riches, +and wisdom; the infallibility of which has been for generations verified +by the enormous fortunes constantly amassed by chimney-sweepers and +other persons who get up early and go to bed betimes. The young ladies +accordingly rose, and having taken leave of Mr Chuzzlewit with much +sweetness, and of their father with much duty and of Mr Pinch with +much condescension, retired to their bower. Mr Pecksniff insisted on +accompanying his young friend upstairs for personal superintendence of +his comforts; and taking him by the arm, conducted him once more to his +bedroom, followed by Mr Pinch, who bore the light. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, seating himself with folded arms on one of +the spare beds. 'I don't see any snuffers in that candlestick. Will you +oblige me by going down, and asking for a pair?' + +Mr Pinch, only too happy to be useful, went off directly. + +'You will excuse Thomas Pinch's want of polish, Martin,' said Mr +Pecksniff, with a smile of patronage and pity, as soon as he had left +the room. 'He means well.' + +'He is a very good fellow, sir.' + +'Oh, yes,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Yes. Thomas Pinch means well. He is very +grateful. I have never regretted having befriended Thomas Pinch.' + +'I should think you never would, sir.' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No. I hope not. Poor fellow, he is always +disposed to do his best; but he is not gifted. You will make him useful +to you, Martin, if you please. If Thomas has a fault, it is that he is +sometimes a little apt to forget his position. But that is soon checked. +Worthy soul! You will find him easy to manage. Good night!' + +'Good night, sir.' + +By this time Mr Pinch had returned with the snuffers. + +'And good night to YOU, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'And sound sleep to +you both. Bless you! Bless you!' + +Invoking this benediction on the heads of his young friends with great +fervour, he withdrew to his own room; while they, being tired, soon fell +asleep. If Martin dreamed at all, some clue to the matter of his visions +may possibly be gathered from the after-pages of this history. Those +of Thomas Pinch were all of holidays, church organs, and seraphic +Pecksniffs. It was some time before Mr Pecksniff dreamed at all, or even +sought his pillow, as he sat for full two hours before the fire in his +own chamber, looking at the coals and thinking deeply. But he, too, +slept and dreamed at last. Thus in the quiet hours of the night, one +house shuts in as many incoherent and incongruous fancies as a madman's +head. + + + +CHAPTER SIX + +COMPRISES, AMONG OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS, PECKSNIFFIAN AND +ARCHITECTURAL, AND EXACT RELATION OF THE PROGRESS MADE BY MR PINCH IN +THE CONFIDENCE AND FRIENDSHIP OF THE NEW PUPIL + + +It was morning; and the beautiful Aurora, of whom so much hath been +written, said, and sung, did, with her rosy fingers, nip and tweak Miss +Pecksniff's nose. It was the frolicsome custom of the Goddess, in her +intercourse with the fair Cherry, so to do; or in more prosaic phrase, +the tip of that feature in the sweet girl's countenance was always +very red at breakfast-time. For the most part, indeed, it wore, at that +season of the day, a scraped and frosty look, as if it had been rasped; +while a similar phenomenon developed itself in her humour, which was +then observed to be of a sharp and acid quality, as though an extra +lemon (figuratively speaking) had been squeezed into the nectar of her +disposition, and had rather damaged its flavour. + +This additional pungency on the part of the fair young creature led, on +ordinary occasions, to such slight consequences as the copious dilution +of Mr Pinch's tea, or to his coming off uncommonly short in respect +of butter, or to other the like results. But on the morning after the +Installation Banquet, she suffered him to wander to and fro among the +eatables and drinkables, a perfectly free and unchecked man; so utterly +to Mr Pinch's wonder and confusion, that like the wretched captive who +recovered his liberty in his old age, he could make but little use of +his enlargement, and fell into a strange kind of flutter for want of +some kind hand to scrape his bread, and cut him off in the article of +sugar with a lump, and pay him those other little attentions to which +he was accustomed. There was something almost awful, too, about the +self-possession of the new pupil; who 'troubled' Mr Pecksniff for the +loaf, and helped himself to a rasher of that gentleman's own particular +and private bacon, with all the coolness in life. He even seemed to +think that he was doing quite a regular thing, and to expect that Mr +Pinch would follow his example, since he took occasion to observe of +that young man 'that he didn't get on'; a speech of so tremendous a +character, that Tom cast down his eyes involuntarily, and felt as if +he himself had committed some horrible deed and heinous breach of Mr +Pecksniff's confidence. Indeed, the agony of having such an indiscreet +remark addressed to him before the assembled family, was breakfast +enough in itself, and would, without any other matter of reflection, +have settled Mr Pinch's business and quenched his appetite, for one +meal, though he had been never so hungry. + +The young ladies, however, and Mr Pecksniff likewise, remained in +the very best of spirits in spite of these severe trials, though with +something of a mysterious understanding among themselves. When the meal +was nearly over, Mr Pecksniff smilingly explained the cause of their +common satisfaction. + +'It is not often,' he said, 'Martin, that my daughters and I desert our +quiet home to pursue the giddy round of pleasures that revolves abroad. +But we think of doing so to-day.' + +'Indeed, sir!' cried the new pupil. + +'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, tapping his left hand with a letter which +he held in his right. 'I have a summons here to repair to London; +on professional business, my dear Martin; strictly on professional +business; and I promised my girls, long ago, that whenever that happened +again, they should accompany me. We shall go forth to-night by the +heavy coach--like the dove of old, my dear Martin--and it will be a week +before we again deposit our olive-branches in the passage. When I say +olive-branches,' observed Mr Pecksniff, in explanation, 'I mean, our +unpretending luggage.' + +'I hope the young ladies will enjoy their trip,' said Martin. + +'Oh! that I'm sure we shall!' cried Mercy, clapping her hands. 'Good +gracious, Cherry, my darling, the idea of London!' + +'Ardent child!' said Mr Pecksniff, gazing on her in a dreamy way. 'And +yet there is a melancholy sweetness in these youthful hopes! It is +pleasant to know that they never can be realised. I remember thinking +once myself, in the days of my childhood, that pickled onions grew on +trees, and that every elephant was born with an impregnable castle on +his back. I have not found the fact to be so; far from it; and yet those +visions have comforted me under circumstances of trial. Even when I have +had the anguish of discovering that I have nourished in my breast on +ostrich, and not a human pupil--even in that hour of agony, they have +soothed me.' + +At this dread allusion to John Westlock, Mr Pinch precipitately choked +in his tea; for he had that very morning received a letter from him, as +Mr Pecksniff very well knew. + +'You will take care, my dear Martin,' said Mr Pecksniff, resuming his +former cheerfulness, 'that the house does not run away in our absence. +We leave you in charge of everything. There is no mystery; all is free +and open. Unlike the young man in the Eastern tale--who is described as +a one-eyed almanac, if I am not mistaken, Mr Pinch?--' + +'A one-eyed calender, I think, sir,' faltered Tom. + +'They are pretty nearly the same thing, I believe,' said Mr Pecksniff, +smiling compassionately; 'or they used to be in my time. Unlike that +young man, my dear Martin, you are forbidden to enter no corner of this +house; but are requested to make yourself perfectly at home in every +part of it. You will be jovial, my dear Martin, and will kill the fatted +calf if you please!' + +There was not the least objection, doubtless, to the young man's +slaughtering and appropriating to his own use any calf, fat or lean, +that he might happen to find upon the premises; but as no such animal +chanced at that time to be grazing on Mr Pecksniff's estate, this +request must be considered rather as a polite compliment that +a substantial hospitality. It was the finishing ornament of the +conversation; for when he had delivered it, Mr Pecksniff rose and led +the way to that hotbed of architectural genius, the two-pair front. + +'Let me see,' he said, searching among the papers, 'how you can best +employ yourself, Martin, while I am absent. Suppose you were to give +me your idea of a monument to a Lord Mayor of London; or a tomb for a +sheriff; or your notion of a cow-house to be erected in a nobleman's +park. Do you know, now,' said Mr Pecksniff, folding his hands, and +looking at his young relation with an air of pensive interest, 'that I +should very much like to see your notion of a cow-house?' + +But Martin by no means appeared to relish this suggestion. + +'A pump,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is very chaste practice. I have found that +a lamp post is calculated to refine the mind and give it a classical +tendency. An ornamental turnpike has a remarkable effect upon the +imagination. What do you say to beginning with an ornamental turnpike?' + +'Whatever Mr Pecksniff pleased,' said Martin, doubtfully. + +'Stay,' said that gentleman. 'Come! as you're ambitious, and are a very +neat draughtsman, you shall--ha ha!--you shall try your hand on these +proposals for a grammar-school; regulating your plan, of course, by the +printed particulars. Upon my word, now,' said Mr Pecksniff, merrily, 'I +shall be very curious to see what you make of the grammar-school. +Who knows but a young man of your taste might hit upon something, +impracticable and unlikely in itself, but which I could put into shape? +For it really is, my dear Martin, it really is in the finishing touches +alone, that great experience and long study in these matters tell. Ha, +ha, ha! Now it really will be,' continued Mr Pecksniff, clapping his +young friend on the back in his droll humour, 'an amusement to me, to +see what you make of the grammar-school.' + +Martin readily undertook this task, and Mr Pecksniff forthwith proceeded +to entrust him with the materials necessary for its execution; dwelling +meanwhile on the magical effect of a few finishing touches from the hand +of a master; which, indeed, as some people said (and these were the +old enemies again!) was unquestionably very surprising, and almost +miraculous; as there were cases on record in which the masterly +introduction of an additional back window, or a kitchen door, or +half-a-dozen steps, or even a water spout, had made the design of a +pupil Mr Pecksniff's own work, and had brought substantial rewards into +that gentleman's pocket. But such is the magic of genius, which changes +all it handles into gold! + +'When your mind requires to be refreshed by change of occupation,' said +Mr Pecksniff, 'Thomas Pinch will instruct you in the art of surveying +the back garden, or in ascertaining the dead level of the road between +this house and the finger-post, or in any other practical and pleasing +pursuit. There are a cart-load of loose bricks, and a score or two of +old flower-pots, in the back yard. If you could pile them up my dear +Martin, into any form which would remind me on my return say of St. +Peter's at Rome, or the Mosque of St. Sophia at Constantinople, it would +be at once improving to you and agreeable to my feelings. And now,' said +Mr Pecksniff, in conclusion, 'to drop, for the present, our professional +relations and advert to private matters, I shall be glad to talk with +you in my own room, while I pack up my portmanteau.' + +Martin attended him; and they remained in secret conference together for +an hour or more; leaving Tom Pinch alone. When the young man returned, +he was very taciturn and dull, in which state he remained all day; so +that Tom, after trying him once or twice with indifferent conversation, +felt a delicacy in obtruding himself upon his thoughts, and said no +more. + +He would not have had leisure to say much, had his new friend been ever +so loquacious; for first of all Mr Pecksniff called him down to stand +upon the top of his portmanteau and represent ancient statues there, +until such time as it would consent to be locked; and then Miss Charity +called him to come and cord her trunk; and then Miss Mercy sent for him +to come and mend her box; and then he wrote the fullest possible cards +for all the luggage; and then he volunteered to carry it all downstairs; +and after that to see it safely carried on a couple of barrows to the +old finger-post at the end of the lane; and then to mind it till the +coach came up. In short, his day's work would have been a pretty heavy +one for a porter, but his thorough good-will made nothing of it; and as +he sat upon the luggage at last, waiting for the Pecksniffs, escorted by +the new pupil, to come down the lane, his heart was light with the hope +of having pleased his benefactor. + +'I was almost afraid,' said Tom, taking a letter from his pocket and +wiping his face, for he was hot with bustling about though it was a cold +day, 'that I shouldn't have had time to write it, and that would have +been a thousand pities; postage from such a distance being a serious +consideration, when one's not rich. She will be glad to see my hand, +poor girl, and to hear that Pecksniff is as kind as ever. I would have +asked John Westlock to call and see her, and tell her all about me by +word of mouth, but I was afraid he might speak against Pecksniff to her, +and make her uneasy. Besides, they are particular people where she is, +and it might have rendered her situation uncomfortable if she had had a +visit from a young man like John. Poor Ruth!' + +Tom Pinch seemed a little disposed to be melancholy for half a minute or +so, but he found comfort very soon, and pursued his ruminations thus: + +'I'm a nice man, I don't think, as John used to say (John was a kind, +merry-hearted fellow; I wish he had liked Pecksniff better), to be +feeling low, on account of the distance between us, when I ought to +be thinking, instead, of my extraordinary good luck in having ever got +here. I must have been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I am sure, +to have ever come across Pecksniff. And here have I fallen again into +my usual good luck with the new pupil! Such an affable, generous, free +fellow, as he is, I never saw. Why, we were companions directly! and he +a relation of Pecksniff's too, and a clever, dashing youth who might cut +his way through the world as if it were a cheese! Here he comes while +the words are on my lips' said Tom; 'walking down the lane as if the +lane belonged to him.' + +In truth, the new pupil, not at all disconcerted by the honour of having +Miss Mercy Pecksniff on his arm, or by the affectionate adieux of that +young lady, approached as Mr Pinch spoke, followed by Miss Charity and +Mr Pecksniff. As the coach appeared at the same moment, Tom lost no time +in entreating the gentleman last mentioned, to undertake the delivery of +his letter. + +'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the superscription. 'For your +sister, Thomas. Yes, oh yes, it shall be delivered, Mr Pinch. Make your +mind easy upon that score. She shall certainly have it, Mr Pinch.' + +He made the promise with so much condescension and patronage, that +Tom felt he had asked a great deal (this had not occurred to his mind +before), and thanked him earnestly. The Miss Pecksniffs, according to +a custom they had, were amused beyond description at the mention of +Mr Pinch's sister. Oh the fright! The bare idea of a Miss Pinch! Good +heavens! + +Tom was greatly pleased to see them so merry, for he took it as a token +of their favour, and good-humoured regard. Therefore he laughed too and +rubbed his hands and wished them a pleasant journey and safe return, +and was quite brisk. Even when the coach had rolled away with the +olive-branches in the boot and the family of doves inside, he stood +waving his hand and bowing; so much gratified by the unusually courteous +demeanour of the young ladies, that he was quite regardless, for the +moment, of Martin Chuzzlewit, who stood leaning thoughtfully against +the finger-post, and who after disposing of his fair charge had hardly +lifted his eyes from the ground. + +The perfect silence which ensued upon the bustle and departure of the +coach, together with the sharp air of the wintry afternoon, roused them +both at the same time. They turned, as by mutual consent, and moved off +arm-in-arm. + +'How melancholy you are!' said Tom; 'what is the matter?' + +'Nothing worth speaking of,' said Martin. 'Very little more than was +the matter yesterday, and much more, I hope, than will be the matter +to-morrow. I'm out of spirits, Pinch.' + +'Well,' cried Tom, 'now do you know I am in capital spirits today, and +scarcely ever felt more disposed to be good company. It was a very kind +thing in your predecessor, John, to write to me, was it not?' + +'Why, yes,' said Martin carelessly; 'I should have thought he would have +had enough to do to enjoy himself, without thinking of you, Pinch.' + +'Just what I felt to be so very likely,' Tom rejoined; 'but no, he keeps +his word, and says, "My dear Pinch, I often think of you," and all sorts +of kind and considerate things of that description.' + +'He must be a devilish good-natured fellow,' said Martin, somewhat +peevishly: 'because he can't mean that, you know.' + +'I don't suppose he can, eh?' said Tom, looking wistfully in his +companion's face. 'He says so to please me, you think?' + +'Why, is it likely,' rejoined Martin, with greater earnestness, 'that +a young man newly escaped from this kennel of a place, and fresh to all +the delights of being his own master in London, can have much leisure +or inclination to think favourably of anything or anybody he has left +behind him here? I put it to you, Pinch, is it natural?' + +After a short reflection, Mr Pinch replied, in a more subdued tone, that +to be sure it was unreasonable to expect any such thing, and that he had +no doubt Martin knew best. + +'Of course I know best,' Martin observed. + +'Yes, I feel that,' said Mr Pinch mildly. 'I said so.' And when he had +made this rejoinder, they fell into a blank silence again, which lasted +until they reached home; by which time it was dark. + +Now, Miss Charity Pecksniff, in consideration of the inconvenience of +carrying them with her in the coach, and the impossibility of preserving +them by artificial means until the family's return, had set forth, in a +couple of plates, the fragments of yesterday's feast. In virtue of which +liberal arrangement, they had the happiness to find awaiting them in +the parlour two chaotic heaps of the remains of last night's pleasure, +consisting of certain filmy bits of oranges, some mummied sandwiches, +various disrupted masses of the geological cake, and several entire +captain's biscuits. That choice liquor in which to steep these dainties +might not be wanting, the remains of the two bottles of currant wine +had been poured together and corked with a curl-paper; so that every +material was at hand for making quite a heavy night of it. + +Martin Chuzzlewit beheld these roystering preparations with infinite +contempt, and stirring the fire into a blaze (to the great destruction +of Mr Pecksniff's coals), sat moodily down before it, in the most +comfortable chair he could find. That he might the better squeeze +himself into the small corner that was left for him, Mr Pinch took up +his position on Miss Mercy Pecksniff's stool, and setting his glass down +upon the hearthrug and putting his plate upon his knees, began to enjoy +himself. + +If Diogenes coming to life again could have rolled himself, tub and all, +into Mr Pecksniff's parlour and could have seen Tom Pinch as he sat on +Mercy Pecksniff's stool with his plate and glass before him he could +not have faced it out, though in his surliest mood, but must have +smiled good-temperedly. The perfect and entire satisfaction of Tom; his +surpassing appreciation of the husky sandwiches, which crumbled in his +mouth like saw-dust; the unspeakable relish with which he swallowed the +thin wine by drops, and smacked his lips, as though it were so rich and +generous that to lose an atom of its fruity flavour were a sin; the look +with which he paused sometimes, with his glass in his hand, proposing +silent toasts to himself; and the anxious shade that came upon his +contented face when, after wandering round the room, exulting in +its uninvaded snugness, his glance encountered the dull brow of his +companion; no cynic in the world, though in his hatred of its men a very +griffin, could have withstood these things in Thomas Pinch. + +Some men would have slapped him on the back, and pledged him in a bumper +of the currant wine, though it had been the sharpest vinegar--aye, and +liked its flavour too; some would have seized him by his honest hand, +and thanked him for the lesson that his simple nature taught them. Some +would have laughed with, and others would have laughed at him; of which +last class was Martin Chuzzlewit, who, unable to restrain himself, at +last laughed loud and long. + +'That's right,' said Tom, nodding approvingly. 'Cheer up! That's +capital!' + +At which encouragement young Martin laughed again; and said, as soon as +he had breath and gravity enough: + +'I never saw such a fellow as you are, Pinch.' + +'Didn't you though?' said Tom. 'Well, it's very likely you do find me +strange, because I have hardly seen anything of the world, and you have +seen a good deal I dare say?' + +'Pretty well for my time of life,' rejoined Martin, drawing his chair +still nearer to the fire, and spreading his feet out on the fender. +'Deuce take it, I must talk openly to somebody. I'll talk openly to you, +Pinch.' + +'Do!' said Tom. 'I shall take it as being very friendly of you,' + +'I'm not in your way, am I?' inquired Martin, glancing down at Mr Pinch, +who was by this time looking at the fire over his leg. + +'Not at all!' cried Tom. + +'You must know then, to make short of a long story,' said Martin, +beginning with a kind of effort, as if the revelation were not +agreeable to him; 'that I have been bred up from childhood with great +expectations, and have always been taught to believe that I should be, +one day, very rich. So I should have been, but for certain brief +reasons which I am going to tell you, and which have led to my being +disinherited.' + +'By your father?' inquired Mr Pinch, with open eyes. + +'By my grandfather. I have had no parents these many years. Scarcely +within my remembrance.' + +'Neither have I,' said Tom, touching the young man's hand with his own +and timidly withdrawing it again. 'Dear me!' + +'Why, as to that, you know, Pinch,' pursued the other, stirring the fire +again, and speaking in his rapid, off-hand way; 'it's all very right +and proper to be fond of parents when we have them, and to bear them in +remembrance after they're dead, if you have ever known anything of them. +But as I never did know anything about mine personally, you know, why, I +can't be expected to be very sentimental about 'em. And I am not; that's +the truth.' + +Mr Pinch was just then looking thoughtfully at the bars. But on +his companion pausing in this place, he started, and said 'Oh! of +course'--and composed himself to listen again. + +'In a word,' said Martin, 'I have been bred and reared all my life by +this grandfather of whom I have just spoken. Now, he has a great many +good points--there is no doubt about that; I'll not disguise the fact +from you--but he has two very great faults, which are the staple of his +bad side. In the first place, he has the most confirmed obstinacy of +character you ever met with in any human creature. In the second, he is +most abominably selfish.' + +'Is he indeed?' cried Tom. + +'In those two respects,' returned the other, 'there never was such a +man. I have often heard from those who know, that they have been, time +out of mind, the failings of our family; and I believe there's some +truth in it. But I can't say of my own knowledge. All I have to do, you +know, is to be very thankful that they haven't descended to me, and, to +be very careful that I don't contract 'em.' + +'To be sure,' said Mr Pinch. 'Very proper.' + +'Well, sir,' resumed Martin, stirring the fire once more, and drawing +his chair still closer to it, 'his selfishness makes him exacting, +you see; and his obstinacy makes him resolute in his exactions. The +consequence is that he has always exacted a great deal from me in the +way of respect, and submission, and self-denial when his wishes were in +question, and so forth. I have borne a great deal from him, because I +have been under obligations to him (if one can ever be said to be under +obligations to one's own grandfather), and because I have been really +attached to him; but we have had a great many quarrels for all that, for +I could not accommodate myself to his ways very often--not out of the +least reference to myself, you understand, but because--' he stammered +here, and was rather at a loss. + +Mr Pinch being about the worst man in the world to help anybody out of a +difficulty of this sort, said nothing. + +'Well! as you understand me,' resumed Martin, quickly, 'I needn't hunt +for the precise expression I want. Now I come to the cream of my story, +and the occasion of my being here. I am in love, Pinch.' + +Mr Pinch looked up into his face with increased interest. + +'I say I am in love. I am in love with one of the most beautiful girls +the sun ever shone upon. But she is wholly and entirely dependent upon +the pleasure of my grandfather; and if he were to know that she favoured +my passion, she would lose her home and everything she possesses in the +world. There is nothing very selfish in THAT love, I think?' + +'Selfish!' cried Tom. 'You have acted nobly. To love her as I am sure +you do, and yet in consideration for her state of dependence, not even +to disclose--' + +'What are you talking about, Pinch?' said Martin pettishly: 'don't +make yourself ridiculous, my good fellow! What do you mean by not +disclosing?' + +'I beg your pardon,' answered Tom. 'I thought you meant that, or I +wouldn't have said it.' + +'If I didn't tell her I loved her, where would be the use of my being in +love?' said Martin: 'unless to keep myself in a perpetual state of worry +and vexation?' + +'That's true,' Tom answered. 'Well! I can guess what SHE said when you +told her,' he added, glancing at Martin's handsome face. + +'Why, not exactly, Pinch,' he rejoined, with a slight frown; 'because +she has some girlish notions about duty and gratitude, and all the rest +of it, which are rather hard to fathom; but in the main you are right. +Her heart was mine, I found.' + +'Just what I supposed,' said Tom. 'Quite natural!' and, in his great +satisfaction, he took a long sip out of his wine-glass. + +'Although I had conducted myself from the first with the utmost +circumspection,' pursued Martin, 'I had not managed matters so well but +that my grandfather, who is full of jealousy and distrust, suspected me +of loving her. He said nothing to her, but straightway attacked me +in private, and charged me with designing to corrupt the fidelity to +himself (there you observe his selfishness), of a young creature whom +he had trained and educated to be his only disinterested and faithful +companion, when he should have disposed of me in marriage to his heart's +content. Upon that, I took fire immediately, and told him that with his +good leave I would dispose of myself in marriage, and would rather +not be knocked down by him or any other auctioneer to any bidder +whomsoever.' + +Mr Pinch opened his eyes wider, and looked at the fire harder than he +had done yet. + +'You may be sure,' said Martin, 'that this nettled him, and that he +began to be the very reverse of complimentary to myself. Interview +succeeded interview; words engendered words, as they always do; and the +upshot of it was, that I was to renounce her, or be renounced by him. +Now you must bear in mind, Pinch, that I am not only desperately fond +of her (for though she is poor, her beauty and intellect would reflect +great credit on anybody, I don't care of what pretensions who might +become her husband), but that a chief ingredient in my composition is a +most determined--' + +'Obstinacy,' suggested Tom in perfect good faith. But the suggestion was +not so well received as he had expected; for the young man immediately +rejoined, with some irritation, + +'What a fellow you are, Pinch!' + +'I beg your pardon,' said Tom, 'I thought you wanted a word.' + +'I didn't want that word,' he rejoined. 'I told you obstinacy was no +part of my character, did I not? I was going to say, if you had given +me leave, that a chief ingredient in my composition is a most determined +firmness.' + +'Oh!' cried Tom, screwing up his mouth, and nodding. 'Yes, yes; I see!' + +'And being firm,' pursued Martin, 'of course I was not going to yield to +him, or give way by so much as the thousandth part of an inch.' + +'No, no,' said Tom. + +'On the contrary, the more he urged, the more I was determined to oppose +him.' + +'To be sure!' said Tom. + +'Very well,' rejoined Martin, throwing himself back in his chair, with +a careless wave of both hands, as if the subject were quite settled, and +nothing more could be said about it--'There is an end of the matter, and +here am I!' + +Mr Pinch sat staring at the fire for some minutes with a puzzled look, +such as he might have assumed if some uncommonly difficult conundrum had +been proposed, which he found it impossible to guess. At length he said: + +'Pecksniff, of course, you had known before?' + +'Only by name. No, I had never seen him, for my grandfather kept not +only himself but me, aloof from all his relations. But our separation +took place in a town in the adjoining country. From that place I came to +Salisbury, and there I saw Pecksniff's advertisement, which I answered, +having always had some natural taste, I believe, in the matters to which +it referred, and thinking it might suit me. As soon as I found it to be +his, I was doubly bent on coming to him if possible, on account of his +being--' + +'Such an excellent man,' interposed Tom, rubbing his hands: 'so he is. +You were quite right.' + +'Why, not so much on that account, if the truth must be spoken,' +returned Martin, 'as because my grandfather has an inveterate dislike to +him, and after the old man's arbitrary treatment of me, I had a natural +desire to run as directly counter to all his opinions as I could. Well! +As I said before, here I am. My engagement with the young lady I have +been telling you about is likely to be a tolerably long one; for neither +her prospects nor mine are very bright; and of course I shall not think +of marrying until I am well able to do so. It would never do, you know, +for me to be plunging myself into poverty and shabbiness and love in one +room up three pair of stairs, and all that sort of thing.' + +'To say nothing of her,' remarked Tom Pinch, in a low voice. + +'Exactly so,' rejoined Martin, rising to warm his back, and leaning +against the chimney-piece. 'To say nothing of her. At the same time, +of course it's not very hard upon her to be obliged to yield to the +necessity of the case; first, because she loves me very much; and +secondly, because I have sacrificed a great deal on her account, and +might have done much better, you know.' + +It was a very long time before Tom said 'Certainly;' so long, that he +might have taken a nap in the interval, but he did say it at last. + +'Now, there is one odd coincidence connected with this love-story,' said +Martin, 'which brings it to an end. You remember what you told me last +night as we were coming here, about your pretty visitor in the church?' + +'Surely I do,' said Tom, rising from his stool, and seating himself in +the chair from which the other had lately risen, that he might see his +face. 'Undoubtedly.' + +'That was she.' + +'I knew what you were going to say,' cried Tom, looking fixedly at him, +and speaking very softly. 'You don't tell me so?' + +'That was she,' repeated the young man. 'After what I have heard +from Pecksniff, I have no doubt that she came and went with my +grandfather.--Don't you drink too much of that sour wine, or you'll have +a fit of some sort, Pinch, I see.' + +'It is not very wholesome, I am afraid,' said Tom, setting down the +empty glass he had for some time held. 'So that was she, was it?' + +Martin nodded assent; and adding, with a restless impatience, that if +he had been a few days earlier he would have seen her; and that now she +might be, for anything he knew, hundreds of miles away; threw himself, +after a few turns across the room, into a chair, and chafed like a +spoilt child. + +Tom Pinch's heart was very tender, and he could not bear to see the +most indifferent person in distress; still less one who had awakened +an interest in him, and who regarded him (either in fact, or as he +supposed) with kindness, and in a spirit of lenient construction. +Whatever his own thoughts had been a few moments before--and to judge +from his face they must have been pretty serious--he dismissed them +instantly, and gave his young friend the best counsel and comfort that +occurred to him. + +'All will be well in time,' said Tom, 'I have no doubt; and some trial +and adversity just now will only serve to make you more attached to each +other in better days. I have always read that the truth is so, and I +have a feeling within me, which tells me how natural and right it is +that it should be. That never ran smooth yet,' said Tom, with a smile +which, despite the homeliness of his face, was pleasanter to see than +many a proud beauty's brightest glance; 'what never ran smooth yet, can +hardly be expected to change its character for us; so we must take it as +we find it, and fashion it into the very best shape we can, by patience +and good-humour. I have no power at all; I needn't tell you that; but I +have an excellent will; and if I could ever be of use to you, in any way +whatever, how very glad I should be!' + +'Thank you,' said Martin, shaking his hand. 'You're a good fellow, upon +my word, and speak very kindly. Of course you know,' he added, after a +moment's pause, as he drew his chair towards the fire again, 'I should +not hesitate to avail myself of your services if you could help me at +all; but mercy on us!'--Here he rumpled his hair impatiently with his +hand, and looked at Tom as if he took it rather ill that he was not +somebody else--'you might as well be a toasting-fork or a frying-pan, +Pinch, for any help you can render me.' + +'Except in the inclination,' said Tom, gently. + +'Oh! to be sure. I meant that, of course. If inclination went for +anything, I shouldn't want help. I tell you what you may do, though, if +you will, and at the present moment too.' + +'What is that?' demanded Tom. + +'Read to me.' + +'I shall be delighted,' cried Tom, catching up the candle with +enthusiasm. 'Excuse my leaving you in the dark a moment, and I'll fetch +a book directly. What will you like? Shakespeare?' + +'Aye!' replied his friend, yawning and stretching himself. 'He'll do. I +am tired with the bustle of to-day, and the novelty of everything about +me; and in such a case, there's no greater luxury in the world, I think, +than being read to sleep. You won't mind my going to sleep, if I can?' + +'Not at all!' cried Tom. + +'Then begin as soon as you like. You needn't leave off when you see +me getting drowsy (unless you feel tired), for it's pleasant to wake +gradually to the sounds again. Did you ever try that?' + +'No, I never tried that,' said Tom + +'Well! You can, you know, one of these days when we're both in the right +humour. Don't mind leaving me in the dark. Look sharp!' + +Mr Pinch lost no time in moving away; and in a minute or two returned +with one of the precious volumes from the shelf beside his bed. Martin +had in the meantime made himself as comfortable as circumstances would +permit, by constructing before the fire a temporary sofa of three chairs +with Mercy's stool for a pillow, and lying down at full-length upon it. + +'Don't be too loud, please,' he said to Pinch. + +'No, no,' said Tom. + +'You're sure you're not cold' + +'Not at all!' cried Tom. + +'I am quite ready, then.' + +Mr Pinch accordingly, after turning over the leaves of his book with as +much care as if they were living and highly cherished creatures, made +his own selection, and began to read. Before he had completed fifty +lines his friend was snoring. + +'Poor fellow!' said Tom, softly, as he stretched out his head to peep +at him over the backs of the chairs. 'He is very young to have so much +trouble. How trustful and generous in him to bestow all this confidence +in me. And that was she, was it?' + +But suddenly remembering their compact, he took up the poem at the place +where he had left off, and went on reading; always forgetting to snuff +the candle, until its wick looked like a mushroom. He gradually became +so much interested, that he quite forgot to replenish the fire; and was +only reminded of his neglect by Martin Chuzzlewit starting up after the +lapse of an hour or so, and crying with a shiver. + +'Why, it's nearly out, I declare! No wonder I dreamed of being frozen. +Do call for some coals. What a fellow you are, Pinch!' + + + +CHAPTER SEVEN + +IN WHICH MR CHEVY SLYME ASSERTS THE INDEPENDENCE OF HIS SPIRIT, AND THE +BLUE DRAGON LOSES A LIMB + + +Martin began to work at the grammar-school next morning, with so much +vigour and expedition, that Mr Pinch had new reason to do homage to +the natural endowments of that young gentleman, and to acknowledge +his infinite superiority to himself. The new pupil received Tom's +compliments very graciously; and having by this time conceived a real +regard for him, in his own peculiar way, predicted that they would +always be the very best of friends, and that neither of them, he was +certain (but particularly Tom), would ever have reason to regret the day +on which they became acquainted. Mr Pinch was delighted to hear him say +this, and felt so much flattered by his kind assurances of friendship +and protection, that he was at a loss how to express the pleasure they +afforded him. And indeed it may be observed of this friendship, such as +it was, that it had within it more likely materials of endurance than +many a sworn brotherhood that has been rich in promise; for so long as +the one party found a pleasure in patronizing, and the other in +being patronised (which was in the very essence of their respective +characters), it was of all possible events among the least probable, +that the twin demons, Envy and Pride, would ever arise between them. So +in very many cases of friendship, or what passes for it, the old axiom +is reversed, and like clings to unlike more than to like. + +They were both very busy on the afternoon succeeding the family's +departure--Martin with the grammar-school, and Tom in balancing certain +receipts of rents, and deducting Mr Pecksniff's commission from the +same; in which abstruse employment he was much distracted by a habit his +new friend had of whistling aloud while he was drawing--when they were +not a little startled by the unexpected obtrusion into that sanctuary of +genius, of a human head which, although a shaggy and somewhat alarming +head in appearance, smiled affably upon them from the doorway, in +a manner that was at once waggish, conciliatory, and expressive of +approbation. + +'I am not industrious myself, gents both,' said the head, 'but I know +how to appreciate that quality in others. I wish I may turn grey +and ugly, if it isn't in my opinion, next to genius, one of the very +charmingest qualities of the human mind. Upon my soul, I am grateful +to my friend Pecksniff for helping me to the contemplation of such +a delicious picture as you present. You remind me of Whittington, +afterwards thrice Lord Mayor of London. I give you my unsullied word of +honour, that you very strongly remind me of that historical character. +You are a pair of Whittingtons, gents, without the cat; which is a most +agreeable and blessed exception to me, for I am not attached to the +feline species. My name is Tigg; how do you do?' + +Martin looked to Mr Pinch for an explanation; and Tom, who had never in +his life set eyes on Mr Tigg before, looked to that gentleman himself. + +'Chevy Slyme?' said Mr Tigg, interrogatively, and kissing his left hand +in token of friendship. 'You will understand me when I say that I am the +accredited agent of Chevy Slyme; that I am the ambassador from the court +of Chiv? Ha ha!' + +'Heyday!' asked Martin, starting at the mention of a name he knew. +'Pray, what does he want with me?' + +'If your name is Pinch'--Mr Tigg began. + +'It is not' said Martin, checking himself. 'That is Mr Pinch.' + +'If that is Mr Pinch,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand again, and beginning +to follow his head into the room, 'he will permit me to say that I +greatly esteem and respect his character, which has been most highly +commended to me by my friend Pecksniff; and that I deeply appreciate his +talent for the organ, notwithstanding that I do not, if I may use the +expression, grind myself. If that is Mr Pinch, I will venture to express +a hope that I see him well, and that he is suffering no inconvenience +from the easterly wind?' + +'Thank you,' said Tom. 'I am very well.' + +'That is a comfort,' Mr Tigg rejoined. 'Then,' he added, shielding his +lips with the palm of his hand, and applying them close to Mr Pinch's +ear, 'I have come for the letter.' + +'For the letter,' said Tom, aloud. 'What letter?' + +'The letter,' whispered Tigg in the same cautious manner as before, +'which my friend Pecksniff addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire, and left +with you.' + +'He didn't leave any letter with me,' said Tom. + +'Hush!' cried the other. 'It's all the same thing, though not so +delicately done by my friend Pecksniff as I could have wished. The +money.' + +'The money!' cried Tom quite scared. + +'Exactly so,' said Mr Tigg. With which he rapped Tom twice or thrice +upon the breast and nodded several times, as though he would say that he +saw they understood each other; that it was unnecessary to mention +the circumstance before a third person; and that he would take it as a +particular favour if Tom would slip the amount into his hand, as quietly +as possible. + +Mr Pinch, however, was so very much astounded by this (to him) +inexplicable deportment, that he at once openly declared there must be +some mistake, and that he had been entrusted with no commission whatever +having any reference to Mr Tigg or to his friend, either. Mr Tigg +received this declaration with a grave request that Mr Pinch would have +the goodness to make it again; and on Tom's repeating it in a still more +emphatic and unmistakable manner, checked it off, sentence for sentence, +by nodding his head solemnly at the end of each. When it had come to +a close for the second time, Mr Tigg sat himself down in a chair and +addressed the young men as follows: + +'Then I tell you what it is, gents both. There is at this present moment +in this very place, a perfect constellation of talent and genius, who is +involved, through what I cannot but designate as the culpable negligence +of my friend Pecksniff, in a situation as tremendous, perhaps, as the +social intercourse of the nineteenth century will readily admit +of. There is actually at this instant, at the Blue Dragon in this +village--an ale-house, observe; a common, paltry, low-minded, +clodhopping, pipe-smoking ale-house--an individual, of whom it may be +said, in the language of the Poet, that nobody but himself can in any +way come up to him; who is detained there for his bill. Ha! ha! For his +bill. I repeat it--for his bill. Now,' said Mr Tigg, 'we have heard +of Fox's Book of Martyrs, I believe, and we have heard of the Court of +Requests, and the Star Chamber; but I fear the contradiction of no man +alive or dead, when I assert that my friend Chevy Slyme being held +in pawn for a bill, beats any amount of cockfighting with which I am +acquainted.' + +Martin and Mr Pinch looked, first at each other, and afterwards at Mr +Tigg, who with his arms folded on his breast surveyed them, half in +despondency and half in bitterness. + +'Don't mistake me, gents both,' he said, stretching forth his right +hand. 'If it had been for anything but a bill, I could have borne it, +and could still have looked upon mankind with some feeling of respect; +but when such a man as my friend Slyme is detained for a score--a thing +in itself essentially mean; a low performance on a slate, or possibly +chalked upon the back of a door--I do feel that there is a screw of +such magnitude loose somewhere, that the whole framework of society +is shaken, and the very first principles of things can no longer be +trusted. In short, gents both,' said Mr Tigg with a passionate flourish +of his hands and head, 'when a man like Slyme is detained for such +a thing as a bill, I reject the superstitions of ages, and believe +nothing. I don't even believe that I DON'T believe, curse me if I do!' + +'I am very sorry, I am sure,' said Tom after a pause, 'but Mr +Pecksniff said nothing to me about it, and I couldn't act without his +instructions. Wouldn't it be better, sir, if you were to go to--to +wherever you came from--yourself, and remit the money to your friend?' + +'How can that be done, when I am detained also?' said Mr Tigg; 'and when +moreover, owing to the astounding, and I must add, guilty negligence of +my friend Pecksniff, I have no money for coach-hire?' + +Tom thought of reminding the gentleman (who, no doubt, in his agitation +had forgotten it) that there was a post-office in the land; and that +possibly if he wrote to some friend or agent for a remittance it might +not be lost upon the road; or at all events that the chance, however +desperate, was worth trusting to. But, as his good-nature presently +suggested to him certain reasons for abstaining from this hint, he +paused again, and then asked: + +'Did you say, sir, that you were detained also?' + +'Come here,' said Mr Tigg, rising. 'You have no objection to my opening +this window for a moment?' + +'Certainly not,' said Tom. + +'Very good,' said Mr Tigg, lifting the sash. 'You see a fellow down +there in a red neckcloth and no waistcoat?' + +'Of course I do,' cried Tom. 'That's Mark Tapley.' + +'Mark Tapley is it?' said the gentleman. 'Then Mark Tapley had not only +the great politeness to follow me to this house, but is waiting now, to +see me home again. And for that attention, sir,' added Mr Tigg, stroking +his moustache, 'I can tell you, that Mark Tapley had better in his +infancy have been fed to suffocation by Mrs Tapley, than preserved to +this time.' + +Mr Pinch was not so dismayed by this terrible threat, but that he had +voice enough to call to Mark to come in, and upstairs; a summons which +he so speedily obeyed, that almost as soon as Tom and Mr Tigg had drawn +in their heads and closed the window again, he, the denounced, appeared +before them. + +'Come here, Mark!' said Mr Pinch. 'Good gracious me! what's the matter +between Mrs Lupin and this gentleman?' + +'What gentleman, sir?' said Mark. 'I don't see no gentleman here sir, +excepting you and the new gentleman,' to whom he made a rough kind of +bow--'and there's nothing wrong between Mrs Lupin and either of you, Mr +Pinch, I am sure.' + +'Nonsense, Mark!' cried Tom. 'You see Mr--' + +'Tigg,' interposed that gentleman. 'Wait a bit. I shall crush him soon. +All in good time!' + +'Oh HIM!' rejoined Mark, with an air of careless defiance. 'Yes, I see +HIM. I could see him a little better, if he'd shave himself, and get his +hair cut.' + +Mr Tigg shook his head with a ferocious look, and smote himself once +upon the breast. + +'It's no use,' said Mark. 'If you knock ever so much in that quarter, +you'll get no answer. I know better. There's nothing there but padding; +and a greasy sort it is.' + +'Nay, Mark,' urged Mr Pinch, interposing to prevent hostilities, 'tell +me what I ask you. You're not out of temper, I hope?' + +'Out of temper, sir!' cried Mark, with a grin; 'why no, sir. There's +a little credit--not much--in being jolly, when such fellows as him is +a-going about like roaring lions; if there is any breed of lions, at +least, as is all roar and mane. What is there between him and Mrs Lupin, +sir? Why, there's a score between him and Mrs Lupin. And I think Mrs +Lupin lets him and his friend off very easy in not charging 'em double +prices for being a disgrace to the Dragon. That's my opinion. I wouldn't +have any such Peter the Wild Boy as him in my house, sir, not if I was +paid race-week prices for it. He's enough to turn the very beer in +the casks sour with his looks; he is! So he would, if it had judgment +enough.' + +'You're not answering my question, you know, Mark,' observed Mr Pinch. + +'Well, sir,' said Mark, 'I don't know as there's much to answer further +than that. Him and his friend goes and stops at the Moon and Stars till +they've run a bill there; and then comes and stops with us and does the +same. The running of bills is common enough Mr Pinch; it an't that as +we object to; it's the ways of this chap. Nothing's good enough for him; +all the women is dying for him he thinks, and is overpaid if he winks at +'em; and all the men was made to be ordered about by him. This not being +aggravation enough, he says this morning to me, in his usual captivating +way, "We're going to-night, my man." "Are you, sir?" says I. "Perhaps +you'd like the bill got ready, sir?" "Oh no, my man," he says; "you +needn't mind that. I'll give Pecksniff orders to see to that." In reply +to which, the Dragon makes answer, "Thankee, sir, you're very kind to +honour us so far, but as we don't know any particular good of you, and +you don't travel with luggage, and Mr Pecksniff an't at home (which +perhaps you mayn't happen to be aware of, sir), we should prefer +something more satisfactory;" and that's where the matter stands. And I +ask,' said Mr Tapley, pointing, in conclusion, to Mr Tigg, with his hat, +'any lady or gentleman, possessing ordinary strength of mind, to say +whether he's a disagreeable-looking chap or not!' + +'Let me inquire,' said Martin, interposing between this candid speech +and the delivery of some blighting anathema by Mr Tigg, 'what the amount +of this debt may be?' + +'In point of money, sir, very little,' answered Mark. 'Only just turned +of three pounds. But it an't that; it's the--' + +'Yes, yes, you told us so before,' said Martin. 'Pinch, a word with +you.' + +'What is it?' asked Tom, retiring with him to a corner of the room. + +'Why, simply--I am ashamed to say--that this Mr Slyme is a relation of +mine, of whom I never heard anything pleasant; and that I don't want him +here just now, and think he would be cheaply got rid of, perhaps, for +three or four pounds. You haven't enough money to pay this bill, I +suppose?' + +Tom shook his head to an extent that left no doubt of his entire +sincerity. + +'That's unfortunate, for I am poor too; and in case you had had it, I'd +have borrowed it of you. But if we told this landlady we would see her +paid, I suppose that would answer the same purpose?' + +'Oh dear, yes!' said Tom. 'She knows me, bless you!' + +'Then let us go down at once and tell her so; for the sooner we are rid +of their company the better. As you have conducted the conversation with +this gentleman hitherto, perhaps you'll tell him what we purpose doing; +will you?' + +Mr Pinch, complying, at once imparted the intelligence to Mr Tigg, who +shook him warmly by the hand in return, assuring him that his faith in +anything and everything was again restored. It was not so much, he said, +for the temporary relief of this assistance that he prized it, as for +its vindication of the high principle that Nature's Nobs felt with +Nature's Nobs, and that true greatness of soul sympathized with true +greatness of soul, all the world over. It proved to him, he said, that +like him they admired genius, even when it was coupled with the alloy +occasionally visible in the metal of his friend Slyme; and on behalf +of that friend, he thanked them; as warmly and heartily as if the +cause were his own. Being cut short in these speeches by a general move +towards the stairs, he took possession at the street door of the lapel +of Mr Pinch's coat, as a security against further interruption; and +entertained that gentleman with some highly improving discourse until +they reached the Dragon, whither they were closely followed by Mark and +the new pupil. + +The rosy hostess scarcely needed Mr Pinch's word as a preliminary to +the release of her two visitors, of whom she was glad to be rid on +any terms; indeed, their brief detention had originated mainly with +Mr Tapley, who entertained a constitutional dislike to gentleman +out-at-elbows who flourished on false pretences; and had conceived a +particular aversion to Mr Tigg and his friend, as choice specimens of +the species. The business in hand thus easily settled, Mr Pinch and +Martin would have withdrawn immediately, but for the urgent entreaties +of Mr Tigg that they would allow him the honour of presenting them +to his friend Slyme, which were so very difficult of resistance that, +yielding partly to these persuasions and partly to their own curiosity, +they suffered themselves to be ushered into the presence of that +distinguished gentleman. + +He was brooding over the remains of yesterday's decanter of brandy, and +was engaged in the thoughtful occupation of making a chain of rings on +the top of the table with the wet foot of his drinking-glass. Wretched +and forlorn as he looked, Mr Slyme had once been in his way, the +choicest of swaggerers; putting forth his pretensions boldly, as a +man of infinite taste and most undoubted promise. The stock-in-trade +requisite to set up an amateur in this department of business is very +slight, and easily got together; a trick of the nose and a curl of the +lip sufficient to compound a tolerable sneer, being ample provision for +any exigency. But, in an evil hour, this off-shoot of the Chuzzlewit +trunk, being lazy, and ill qualified for any regular pursuit and having +dissipated such means as he ever possessed, had formally established +himself as a professor of Taste for a livelihood; and finding, too late, +that something more than his old amount of qualifications was necessary +to sustain him in this calling, had quickly fallen to his present level, +where he retained nothing of his old self but his boastfulness and his +bile, and seemed to have no existence separate or apart from his friend +Tigg. And now so abject and so pitiful was he--at once so maudlin, +insolent, beggarly, and proud--that even his friend and parasite, +standing erect beside him, swelled into a Man by contrast. + +'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg, clapping him on the back, 'my friend Pecksniff not +being at home, I have arranged our trifling piece of business with Mr +Pinch and friend. Mr Pinch and friend, Mr Chevy Slyme! Chiv, Mr Pinch +and friend!' + +'These are agreeable circumstances in which to be introduced to +strangers,' said Chevy Slyme, turning his bloodshot eyes towards Tom +Pinch. 'I am the most miserable man in the world, I believe!' + +Tom begged he wouldn't mention it; and finding him in this condition, +retired, after an awkward pause, followed by Martin. But Mr Tigg so +urgently conjured them, by coughs and signs, to remain in the shadow of +the door, that they stopped there. + +'I swear,' cried Mr Slyme, giving the table an imbecile blow with his +fist, and then feebly leaning his head upon his hand, while some drunken +drops oozed from his eyes, 'that I am the wretchedest creature on +record. Society is in a conspiracy against me. I'm the most literary +man alive. I'm full of scholarship. I'm full of genius; I'm full of +information; I'm full of novel views on every subject; yet look at my +condition! I'm at this moment obliged to two strangers for a tavern +bill!' + +Mr Tigg replenished his friend's glass, pressed it into his hand, and +nodded an intimation to the visitors that they would see him in a better +aspect immediately. + +'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill, eh!' repeated Mr Slyme, +after a sulky application to his glass. 'Very pretty! And crowds of +impostors, the while, becoming famous; men who are no more on a level +with me than--Tigg, I take you to witness that I am the most persecuted +hound on the face of the earth.' + +With a whine, not unlike the cry of the animal he named, in its lowest +state of humiliation, he raised his glass to his mouth again. He found +some encouragement in it; for when he set it down he laughed scornfully. +Upon that Mr Tigg gesticulated to the visitors once more, and with great +expression, implying that now the time was come when they would see Chiv +in his greatness. + +'Ha, ha, ha,' laughed Mr Slyme. 'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern +bill! Yet I think I've a rich uncle, Tigg, who could buy up the uncles +of fifty strangers! Have I, or have I not? I come of a good family, +I believe! Do I, or do I not? I'm not a man of common capacity or +accomplishments, I think! Am I, or am I not?' + +'You are the American aloe of the human race, my dear Chiv,' said Mr +Tigg, 'which only blooms once in a hundred years!' + +'Ha, ha, ha!' laughed Mr Slyme again. 'Obliged to two strangers for +a tavern bill! I obliged to two architect's apprentices. Fellows who +measure earth with iron chains, and build houses like bricklayers. Give +me the names of those two apprentices. How dare they oblige me!' + +Mr Tigg was quite lost in admiration of this noble trait in his friend's +character; as he made known to Mr Pinch in a neat little ballet of +action, spontaneously invented for the purpose. + +'I'll let 'em know, and I'll let all men know,' cried Chevy Slyme, +'that I'm none of the mean, grovelling, tame characters they meet with +commonly. I have an independent spirit. I have a heart that swells in my +bosom. I have a soul that rises superior to base considerations.' + +'Oh Chiv, Chiv,' murmured Mr Tigg, 'you have a nobly independent nature, +Chiv!' + +'You go and do your duty, sir,' said Mr Slyme, angrily, 'and borrow +money for travelling expenses; and whoever you borrow it of, let 'em +know that I possess a haughty spirit, and a proud spirit, and have +infernally finely-touched chords in my nature, which won't brook +patronage. Do you hear? Tell 'em I hate 'em, and that that's the way +I preserve my self-respect; and tell 'em that no man ever respected +himself more than I do!' + +He might have added that he hated two sorts of men; all those who did +him favours, and all those who were better off than himself; as in +either case their position was an insult to a man of his stupendous +merits. But he did not; for with the apt closing words above recited, Mr +Slyme; of too haughty a stomach to work, to beg, to borrow, or to steal; +yet mean enough to be worked or borrowed, begged or stolen for, by any +catspaw that would serve his turn; too insolent to lick the hand that +fed him in his need, yet cur enough to bite and tear it in the dark; +with these apt closing words Mr Slyme fell forward with his head upon +the table, and so declined into a sodden sleep. + +'Was there ever,' cried Mr Tigg, joining the young men at the door, +and shutting it carefully behind him, 'such an independent spirit as is +possessed by that extraordinary creature? Was there ever such a Roman as +our friend Chiv? Was there ever a man of such a purely classical turn of +thought, and of such a toga-like simplicity of nature? Was there ever a +man with such a flow of eloquence? Might he not, gents both, I ask, have +sat upon a tripod in the ancient times, and prophesied to a perfectly +unlimited extent, if previously supplied with gin-and-water at the +public cost?' + +Mr Pinch was about to contest this latter position with his usual +mildness, when, observing that his companion had already gone +downstairs, he prepared to follow him. + +'You are not going, Mr Pinch?' said Tigg. + +'Thank you,' answered Tom. 'Yes. Don't come down.' + +'Do you know that I should like one little word in private with you Mr +Pinch?' said Tigg, following him. 'One minute of your company in the +skittle-ground would very much relieve my mind. Might I beseech that +favour?' + +'Oh, certainly,' replied Tom, 'if you really wish it.' So he accompanied +Mr Tigg to the retreat in question; on arriving at which place that +gentleman took from his hat what seemed to be the fossil remains of an +antediluvian pocket-handkerchief, and wiped his eyes therewith. + +'You have not beheld me this day,' said Mr Tigg, 'in a favourable +light.' + +'Don't mention that,' said Tom, 'I beg.' + +'But you have NOT,' cried Tigg. 'I must persist in that opinion. If you +could have seen me, Mr Pinch, at the head of my regiment on the coast +of Africa, charging in the form of a hollow square, with the women and +children and the regimental plate-chest in the centre, you would not +have known me for the same man. You would have respected me, sir.' + +Tom had certain ideas of his own upon the subject of glory; and +consequently he was not quite so much excited by this picture as Mr Tigg +could have desired. + +'But no matter!' said that gentleman. 'The school-boy writing home to +his parents and describing the milk-and-water, said "This is indeed +weakness." I repeat that assertion in reference to myself at the present +moment; and I ask your pardon. Sir, you have seen my friend Slyme?' + +'No doubt,' said Mr Pinch. + +'Sir, you have been impressed by my friend Slyme?' + +'Not very pleasantly, I must say,' answered Tom, after a little +hesitation. + +'I am grieved but not surprised,' cried Mr Tigg, detaining him with both +hands, 'to hear that you have come to that conclusion; for it is my own. +But, Mr Pinch, though I am a rough and thoughtless man, I can honour +Mind. I honour Mind in following my friend. To you of all men, Mr Pinch, +I have a right to make appeal on Mind's behalf, when it has not the art +to push its fortune in the world. And so, sir--not for myself, who have +no claim upon you, but for my crushed, my sensitive and independent +friend, who has--I ask the loan of three half-crowns. I ask you for the +loan of three half-crowns, distinctly, and without a blush. I ask it, +almost as a right. And when I add that they will be returned by post, +this week, I feel that you will blame me for that sordid stipulation.' + +Mr Pinch took from his pocket an old-fashioned red-leather purse with +a steel clasp, which had probably once belonged to his deceased +grandmother. It held one half-sovereign and no more. All Tom's worldly +wealth until next quarter-day. + +'Stay!' cried Mr Tigg, who had watched this proceeding keenly. 'I was +just about to say, that for the convenience of posting you had better +make it gold. Thank you. A general direction, I suppose, to Mr Pinch at +Mr Pecksniff's--will that find you?' + +'That'll find me,' said Tom. 'You had better put Esquire to Mr +Pecksniff's name, if you please. Direct to me, you know, at Seth +Pecksniff's, Esquire.' + +'At Seth Pecksniff's, Esquire,' repeated Mr Tigg, taking an exact note +of it with a stump of pencil. 'We said this week, I believe?' + +'Yes; or Monday will do,' observed Tom. + +'No, no, I beg your pardon. Monday will NOT do,' said Mr Tigg. 'If we +stipulated for this week, Saturday is the latest day. Did we stipulate +for this week?' + +'Since you are so particular about it,' said Tom, 'I think we did.' + +Mr Tigg added this condition to his memorandum; read the entry over to +himself with a severe frown; and that the transaction might be the more +correct and business-like, appended his initials to the whole. That +done, he assured Mr Pinch that everything was now perfectly regular; +and, after squeezing his hand with great fervour, departed. + +Tom entertained enough suspicion that Martin might possibly turn this +interview into a jest, to render him desirous to avoid the company of +that young gentleman for the present. With this view he took a few turns +up and down the skittle-ground, and did not re-enter the house until +Mr Tigg and his friend had quitted it, and the new pupil and Mark were +watching their departure from one of the windows. + +'I was just a-saying, sir, that if one could live by it,' observed Mark, +pointing after their late guests, 'that would be the sort of service +for me. Waiting on such individuals as them would be better than +grave-digging, sir.' + +'And staying here would be better than either, Mark,' replied Tom. 'So +take my advice, and continue to swim easily in smooth water.' + +'It's too late to take it now, sir,' said Mark. 'I have broke it to her, +sir. I am off to-morrow morning.' + +'Off!' cried Mr Pinch, 'where to?' + +'I shall go up to London, sir.' + +'What to be?' asked Mr Pinch. + +'Well! I don't know yet, sir. Nothing turned up that day I opened my +mind to you, as was at all likely to suit me. All them trades I thought +of was a deal too jolly; there was no credit at all to be got in any +of 'em. I must look for a private service, I suppose, sir. I might be +brought out strong, perhaps, in a serious family, Mr Pinch.' + +'Perhaps you might come out rather too strong for a serious family's +taste, Mark.' + +'That's possible, sir. If I could get into a wicked family, I might +do myself justice; but the difficulty is to make sure of one's ground, +because a young man can't very well advertise that he wants a place, and +wages an't so much an object as a wicked sitivation; can he, sir?' + +'Why, no,' said Mr Pinch, 'I don't think he can.' + +'An envious family,' pursued Mark, with a thoughtful face; 'or a +quarrelsome family, or a malicious family, or even a good out-and-out +mean family, would open a field of action as I might do something in. +The man as would have suited me of all other men was that old gentleman +as was took ill here, for he really was a trying customer. Howsever, I +must wait and see what turns up, sir; and hope for the worst.' + +'You are determined to go then?' said Mr Pinch. + +'My box is gone already, sir, by the waggon, and I'm going to walk on +to-morrow morning, and get a lift by the day coach when it overtakes me. +So I wish you good-bye, Mr Pinch--and you too, sir--and all good luck +and happiness!' + +They both returned his greeting laughingly, and walked home arm-in-arm. +Mr Pinch imparting to his new friend, as they went, such further +particulars of Mark Tapley's whimsical restlessness as the reader is +already acquainted with. + +In the meantime Mark, having a shrewd notion that his mistress was +in very low spirits, and that he could not exactly answer for the +consequences of any lengthened TETE-A-TETE in the bar, kept himself +obstinately out of her way all the afternoon and evening. In this piece +of generalship he was very much assisted by the great influx of company +into the taproom; for the news of his intention having gone abroad, +there was a perfect throng there all the evening, and much drinking of +healths and clinking of mugs. At length the house was closed for the +night; and there being now no help for it, Mark put the best face he +could upon the matter, and walked doggedly to the bar-door. + +'If I look at her,' said Mark to himself, 'I'm done. I feel that I'm +a-going fast.' + +'You have come at last,' said Mrs Lupin. + +Aye, Mark said: There he was. + +'And you are determined to leave us, Mark?' cried Mrs Lupin. + +'Why, yes; I am,' said Mark; keeping his eyes hard upon the floor. + +'I thought,' pursued the landlady, with a most engaging hesitation, +'that you had been--fond--of the Dragon?' + +'So I am,' said Mark. + +'Then,' pursued the hostess--and it really was not an unnatural +inquiry--'why do you desert it?' + +But as he gave no manner of answer to this question; not even on +its being repeated; Mrs Lupin put his money into his hand, and asked +him--not unkindly, quite the contrary--what he would take? + +It is proverbial that there are certain things which flesh and blood +cannot bear. Such a question as this, propounded in such a manner, at +such a time, and by such a person, proved (at least, as far as, Mark's +flesh and blood were concerned) to be one of them. He looked up in spite +of himself directly; and having once looked up, there was no +looking down again; for of all the tight, plump, buxom, bright-eyed, +dimple-faced landladies that ever shone on earth, there stood before him +then, bodily in that bar, the very pink and pineapple. + +'Why, I tell you what,' said Mark, throwing off all his constraint in an +instant and seizing the hostess round the waist--at which she was not at +all alarmed, for she knew what a good young man he was--'if I took what +I liked most, I should take you. If I only thought what was best for me, +I should take you. If I took what nineteen young fellows in twenty would +be glad to take, and would take at any price, I should take you. Yes, +I should,' cried Mr Tapley, shaking his head expressively enough, and +looking (in a momentary state of forgetfulness) rather hard at the +hostess's ripe lips. 'And no man wouldn't wonder if I did!' + +Mrs Lupin said he amazed her. She was astonished how he could say such +things. She had never thought it of him. + +'Why, I never thought if of myself till now!' said Mark, raising his +eyebrows with a look of the merriest possible surprise. 'I always +expected we should part, and never have no explanation; I meant to do it +when I come in here just now; but there's something about you, as makes +a man sensible. Then let us have a word or two together; letting it be +understood beforehand,' he added this in a grave tone, to prevent the +possibility of any mistake, 'that I'm not a-going to make no love, you +know.' + +There was for just one second a shade, though not by any means a dark +one, on the landlady's open brow. But it passed off instantly, in a +laugh that came from her very heart. + +'Oh, very good!' she said; 'if there is to be no love-making, you had +better take your arm away.' + +'Lord, why should I!' cried Mark. 'It's quite innocent.' + +'Of course it's innocent,' returned the hostess, 'or I shouldn't allow +it.' + +'Very well!' said Mark. 'Then let it be.' + +There was so much reason in this that the landlady laughed again, +suffered it to remain, and bade him say what he had to say, and be quick +about it. But he was an impudent fellow, she added. + +'Ha ha! I almost think I am!' cried Mark, 'though I never thought so +before. Why, I can say anything to-night!' + +'Say what you're going to say if you please, and be quick,' returned the +landlady, 'for I want to get to bed.' + +'Why, then, my dear good soul,' said Mark, 'and a kinder woman than you +are never drawed breath--let me see the man as says she did!--what would +be the likely consequence of us two being--' + +'Oh nonsense!' cried Mrs Lupin. 'Don't talk about that any more.' + +'No, no, but it an't nonsense,' said Mark; 'and I wish you'd attend. +What would be the likely consequence of us two being married? If I can't +be content and comfortable in this here lively Dragon now, is it to be +looked for as I should be then? By no means. Very good. Then you, even +with your good humour, would be always on the fret and worrit, always +uncomfortable in your own mind, always a-thinking as you was getting too +old for my taste, always a-picturing me to yourself as being chained +up to the Dragon door, and wanting to break away. I don't know that it +would be so,' said Mark, 'but I don't know that it mightn't be. I am a +roving sort of chap, I know. I'm fond of change. I'm always a-thinking +that with my good health and spirits it would be more creditable in me +to be jolly where there's things a-going on to make one dismal. It may +be a mistake of mine you see, but nothing short of trying how it acts +will set it right. Then an't it best that I should go; particular when +your free way has helped me out to say all this, and we can part as +good friends as we have ever been since first I entered this here noble +Dragon, which,' said Mr Tapley in conclusion, 'has my good word and my +good wish to the day of my death!' + +The hostess sat quite silent for a little time, but she very soon put +both her hands in Mark's and shook them heartily. + +'For you are a good man,' she said; looking into his face with a smile, +which was rather serious for her. 'And I do believe have been a better +friend to me to-night than ever I have had in all my life.' + +'Oh! as to that, you know,' said Mark, 'that's nonsense. But love my +heart alive!' he added, looking at her in a sort of rapture, 'if you ARE +that way disposed, what a lot of suitable husbands there is as you may +drive distracted!' + +She laughed again at this compliment; and, once more shaking him by both +hands, and bidding him, if he should ever want a friend, to remember +her, turned gayly from the little bar and up the Dragon staircase. + +'Humming a tune as she goes,' said Mark, listening, 'in case I should +think she's at all put out, and should be made down-hearted. Come, +here's some credit in being jolly, at last!' + +With that piece of comfort, very ruefully uttered, he went, in anything +but a jolly manner, to bed. + +He rose early next morning, and was a-foot soon after sunrise. But it +was of no use; the whole place was up to see Mark Tapley off; the boys, +the dogs, the children, the old men, the busy people and the idlers; +there they were, all calling out 'Good-b'ye, Mark,' after their own +manner, and all sorry he was going. Somehow he had a kind of sense that +his old mistress was peeping from her chamber-window, but he couldn't +make up his mind to look back. + +'Good-b'ye one, good-b'ye all!' cried Mark, waving his hat on the top +of his walking-stick, as he strode at a quick pace up the little street. +'Hearty chaps them wheelwrights--hurrah! Here's the butcher's dog +a-coming out of the garden--down, old fellow! And Mr Pinch a-going to +his organ--good-b'ye, sir! And the terrier-bitch from over the way--hie, +then, lass! And children enough to hand down human natur to the latest +posterity--good-b'ye, boys and girls! There's some credit in it now. I'm +a-coming out strong at last. These are the circumstances that would try +a ordinary mind; but I'm uncommon jolly. Not quite as jolly as I could +wish to be, but very near. Good-b'ye! good-b'ye!' + + + +CHAPTER EIGHT + +ACCOMPANIES MR PECKSNIFF AND HIS CHARMING DAUGHTERS TO THE CITY OF +LONDON; AND RELATES WHAT FELL OUT UPON THEIR WAY THITHER + + +When Mr Pecksniff and the two young ladies got into the heavy coach at +the end of the lane, they found it empty, which was a great comfort; +particularly as the outside was quite full and the passengers looked +very frosty. For as Mr Pecksniff justly observed--when he and his +daughters had burrowed their feet deep in the straw, wrapped themselves +to the chin, and pulled up both windows--it is always satisfactory to +feel, in keen weather, that many other people are not as warm as +you are. And this, he said, was quite natural, and a very beautiful +arrangement; not confined to coaches, but extending itself into many +social ramifications. 'For' (he observed), 'if every one were warm and +well-fed, we should lose the satisfaction of admiring the fortitude with +which certain conditions of men bear cold and hunger. And if we were +no better off than anybody else, what would become of our sense of +gratitude; which,' said Mr Pecksniff with tears in his eyes, as he shook +his fist at a beggar who wanted to get up behind, 'is one of the holiest +feelings of our common nature.' + +His children heard with becoming reverence these moral precepts from the +lips of their father, and signified their acquiescence in the same, by +smiles. That he might the better feed and cherish that sacred flame of +gratitude in his breast, Mr Pecksniff remarked that he would trouble +his eldest daughter, even in this early stage of their journey, for the +brandy-bottle. And from the narrow neck of that stone vessel he imbibed +a copious refreshment. + +'What are we?' said Mr Pecksniff, 'but coaches? Some of us are slow +coaches'-- + +'Goodness, Pa!' cried Charity. + +'Some of us, I say,' resumed her parent with increased emphasis, 'are +slow coaches; some of us are fast coaches. Our passions are the horses; +and rampant animals too--!' + +'Really, Pa,' cried both the daughters at once. 'How very unpleasant.' + +'And rampant animals too' repeated Mr Pecksniff with so much +determination, that he may be said to have exhibited, at the moment a +sort of moral rampancy himself;'--and Virtue is the drag. We start from +The Mother's Arms, and we run to The Dust Shovel.' + +When he had said this, Mr Pecksniff, being exhausted, took some further +refreshment. When he had done that, he corked the bottle tight, with the +air of a man who had effectually corked the subject also; and went to +sleep for three stages. + +The tendency of mankind when it falls asleep in coaches, is to wake up +cross; to find its legs in its way; and its corns an aggravation. +Mr Pecksniff not being exempt from the common lot of humanity found +himself, at the end of his nap, so decidedly the victim of these +infirmities, that he had an irresistible inclination to visit them upon +his daughters; which he had already begun to do in the shape of divers +random kicks, and other unexpected motions of his shoes, when the coach +stopped, and after a short delay the door was opened. + +'Now mind,' said a thin sharp voice in the dark. 'I and my son go +inside, because the roof is full, but you agree only to charge us +outside prices. It's quite understood that we won't pay more. Is it?' + +'All right, sir,' replied the guard. + +'Is there anybody inside now?' inquired the voice. + +'Three passengers,' returned the guard. + +'Then I ask the three passengers to witness this bargain, if they will +be so good,' said the voice. 'My boy, I think we may safely get in.' + +In pursuance of which opinion, two people took their seats in the +vehicle, which was solemnly licensed by Act of Parliament to carry any +six persons who could be got in at the door. + +'That was lucky!' whispered the old man, when they moved on again. 'And +a great stroke of policy in you to observe it. He, he, he! We couldn't +have gone outside. I should have died of the rheumatism!' + +Whether it occurred to the dutiful son that he had in some degree +over-reached himself by contributing to the prolongation of his father's +days; or whether the cold had effected his temper; is doubtful. But he +gave his father such a nudge in reply, that that good old gentleman +was taken with a cough which lasted for full five minutes without +intermission, and goaded Mr Pecksniff to that pitch of irritation, that +he said at last--and very suddenly: + +'There is no room! There is really no room in this coach for any +gentleman with a cold in his head!' + +'Mine,' said the old man, after a moment's pause, 'is upon my chest, +Pecksniff.' + +The voice and manner, together, now that he spoke out; the composure of +the speaker; the presence of his son; and his knowledge of Mr Pecksniff; +afforded a clue to his identity which it was impossible to mistake. + +'Hem! I thought,' said Mr Pecksniff, returning to his usual mildness, +'that I addressed a stranger. I find that I address a relative, Mr +Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Mr Jonas--for they, my dear children, +are our travelling companions--will excuse me for an apparently harsh +remark. It is not MY desire to wound the feelings of any person with +whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a Hypocrite,' said Mr +Pecksniff, cuttingly; 'but I am not a Brute.' + +'Pooh, pooh!' said the old man. 'What signifies that word, Pecksniff? +Hypocrite! why, we are all hypocrites. We were all hypocrites t'other +day. I am sure I felt that to be agreed upon among us, or I shouldn't +have called you one. We should not have been there at all, if we had not +been hypocrites. The only difference between you and the rest was--shall +I tell you the difference between you and the rest now, Pecksniff?' + +'If you please, my good sir; if you please.' + +'Why, the annoying quality in YOU, is,' said the old man, 'that you +never have a confederate or partner in YOUR juggling; you would deceive +everybody, even those who practise the same art; and have a way with +you, as if you--he, he, he!--as if you really believed yourself. I'd +lay a handsome wager now,' said the old man, 'if I laid wagers, which +I don't and never did, that you keep up appearances by a tacit +understanding, even before your own daughters here. Now I, when I have +a business scheme in hand, tell Jonas what it is, and we discuss it +openly. You're not offended, Pecksniff?' + +'Offended, my good sir!' cried that gentleman, as if he had received the +highest compliments that language could convey. + +'Are you travelling to London, Mr Pecksniff?' asked the son. + +'Yes, Mr Jonas, we are travelling to London. We shall have the pleasure +of your company all the way, I trust?' + +'Oh! ecod, you had better ask father that,' said Jonas. 'I am not +a-going to commit myself.' + +Mr Pecksniff was, as a matter of course, greatly entertained by this +retort. His mirth having subsided, Mr Jonas gave him to understand +that himself and parent were in fact travelling to their home in the +metropolis; and that, since the memorable day of the great family +gathering, they had been tarrying in that part of the country, watching +the sale of certain eligible investments, which they had had in their +copartnership eye when they came down; for it was their custom, Mr Jonas +said, whenever such a thing was practicable, to kill two birds with one +stone, and never to throw away sprats, but as bait for whales. When he +had communicated to Mr Pecksniff these pithy scraps of intelligence, +he said, 'That if it was all the same to him, he would turn him over +to father, and have a chat with the gals;' and in furtherance of +this polite scheme, he vacated his seat adjoining that gentleman, and +established himself in the opposite corner, next to the fair Miss Mercy. + +The education of Mr Jonas had been conducted from his cradle on the +strictest principles of the main chance. The very first word he learnt +to spell was 'gain,' and the second (when he got into two syllables), +'money.' But for two results, which were not clearly foreseen perhaps by +his watchful parent in the beginning, his training may be said to have +been unexceptionable. One of these flaws was, that having been long +taught by his father to over-reach everybody, he had imperceptibly +acquired a love of over-reaching that venerable monitor himself. +The other, that from his early habits of considering everything as a +question of property, he had gradually come to look, with impatience, +on his parent as a certain amount of personal estate, which had no +right whatever to be going at large, but ought to be secured in that +particular description of iron safe which is commonly called a coffin, +and banked in the grave. + +'Well, cousin!' said Mr Jonas--'Because we ARE cousins, you know, a few +times removed--so you're going to London?' + +Miss Mercy replied in the affirmative, pinching her sister's arm at the +same time, and giggling excessively. + +'Lots of beaux in London, cousin!' said Mr Jonas, slightly advancing his +elbow. + +'Indeed, sir!' cried the young lady. 'They won't hurt us, sir, I dare +say.' And having given him this answer with great demureness she was so +overcome by her own humour, that she was fain to stifle her merriment in +her sister's shawl. + +'Merry,' cried that more prudent damsel, 'really I am ashamed of you. +How can you go on so? You wild thing!' At which Miss Merry only laughed +the more, of course. + +'I saw a wildness in her eye, t'other day,' said Mr Jonas, addressing +Charity. 'But you're the one to sit solemn! I say--You were regularly +prim, cousin!' + +'Oh! The old-fashioned fright!' cried Merry, in a whisper. 'Cherry my +dear, upon my word you must sit next him. I shall die outright if he +talks to me any more; I shall, positively!' To prevent which fatal +consequence, the buoyant creature skipped out of her seat as she spoke, +and squeezed her sister into the place from which she had risen. + +'Don't mind crowding me,' cried Mr Jonas. 'I like to be crowded by gals. +Come a little closer, cousin.' + +'No, thank you, sir,' said Charity. + +'There's that other one a-laughing again,' said Mr Jonas; 'she's +a-laughing at my father, I shouldn't wonder. If he puts on that old +flannel nightcap of his, I don't know what she'll do! Is that my father +a-snoring, Pecksniff?' + +'Yes, Mr Jonas.' + +'Tread upon his foot, will you be so good?' said the young gentleman. +'The foot next you's the gouty one.' + +Mr Pecksniff hesitating to perform this friendly office, Mr Jonas did it +himself; at the same time crying: + +'Come, wake up, father, or you'll be having the nightmare, and +screeching out, I know.--Do you ever have the nightmare, cousin?' he +asked his neighbour, with characteristic gallantry, as he dropped his +voice again. + +'Sometimes,' answered Charity. 'Not often.' + +'The other one,' said Mr Jonas, after a pause. 'Does SHE ever have the +nightmare?' + +'I don't know,' replied Charity. 'You had better ask her.' + +'She laughs so,' said Jonas; 'there's no talking to her. Only hark how +she's a-going on now! You're the sensible one, cousin!' + +'Tut, tut!' cried Charity. + +'Oh! But you are! You know you are!' + +'Mercy is a little giddy,' said Miss Charity. But she'll sober down in +time.' + +'It'll be a very long time, then, if she does at all,' rejoined her +cousin. 'Take a little more room.' + +'I am afraid of crowding you,' said Charity. But she took it +notwithstanding; and after one or two remarks on the extreme heaviness +of the coach, and the number of places it stopped at, they fell into +a silence which remained unbroken by any member of the party until +supper-time. + +Although Mr Jonas conducted Charity to the hotel and sat himself beside +her at the board, it was pretty clear that he had an eye to 'the other +one' also, for he often glanced across at Mercy, and seemed to draw +comparisons between the personal appearance of the two, which were not +unfavourable to the superior plumpness of the younger sister. He allowed +himself no great leisure for this kind of observation, however, being +busily engaged with the supper, which, as he whispered in his fair +companion's ear, was a contract business, and therefore the more she +ate, the better the bargain was. His father and Mr Pecksniff, probably +acting on the same wise principle, demolished everything that came +within their reach, and by that means acquired a greasy expression of +countenance, indicating contentment, if not repletion, which it was very +pleasant to contemplate. + +When they could eat no more, Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jonas subscribed for +two sixpenny-worths of hot brandy-and-water, which the latter gentleman +considered a more politic order than one shillingsworth; there being +a chance of their getting more spirit out of the innkeeper under this +arrangement than if it were all in one glass. Having swallowed his share +of the enlivening fluid, Mr Pecksniff, under pretence of going to see if +the coach were ready, went secretly to the bar, and had his own little +bottle filled, in order that he might refresh himself at leisure in the +dark coach without being observed. + +These arrangements concluded, and the coach being ready, they got into +their old places and jogged on again. But before he composed himself +for a nap, Mr Pecksniff delivered a kind of grace after meat, in these +words: + +'The process of digestion, as I have been informed by anatomical +friends, is one of the most wonderful works of nature. I do not know +how it may be with others, but it is a great satisfaction to me to know, +when regaling on my humble fare, that I am putting in motion the most +beautiful machinery with which we have any acquaintance. I really feel +at such times as if I was doing a public service. When I have wound +myself up, if I may employ such a term,' said Mr Pecksniff with +exquisite tenderness, 'and know that I am Going, I feel that in the +lesson afforded by the works within me, I am a Benefactor to my Kind!' + +As nothing could be added to this, nothing was said; and Mr Pecksniff, +exulting, it may be presumed, in his moral utility, went to sleep again. + +The rest of the night wore away in the usual manner. Mr Pecksniff +and Old Anthony kept tumbling against each other and waking up much +terrified, or crushed their heads in opposite corners of the coach and +strangely tattooed the surface of their faces--Heaven knows how--in +their sleep. The coach stopped and went on, and went on and stopped, +times out of number. Passengers got up and passengers got down, and +fresh horses came and went and came again, with scarcely any interval +between each team as it seemed to those who were dozing, and with a gap +of a whole night between every one as it seemed to those who were broad +awake. At length they began to jolt and rumble over horribly uneven +stones, and Mr Pecksniff looking out of window said it was to-morrow +morning, and they were there. + +Very soon afterwards the coach stopped at the office in the city; and +the street in which it was situated was already in a bustle, that fully +bore out Mr Pecksniff's words about its being morning, though for any +signs of day yet appearing in the sky it might have been midnight. There +was a dense fog too; as if it were a city in the clouds, which they had +been travelling to all night up a magic beanstalk; and there was a thick +crust upon the pavement like oilcake; which, one of the outsides (mad, +no doubt) said to another (his keeper, of course), was Snow. + +Taking a confused leave of Anthony and his son, and leaving the luggage +of himself and daughters at the office to be called for afterwards, Mr +Pecksniff, with one of the young ladies under each arm, dived across the +street, and then across other streets, and so up the queerest courts, +and down the strangest alleys and under the blindest archways, in a kind +of frenzy; now skipping over a kennel, now running for his life from a +coach and horses; now thinking he had lost his way, now thinking he had +found it; now in a state of the highest confidence, now despondent to +the last degree, but always in a great perspiration and flurry; until at +length they stopped in a kind of paved yard near the Monument. That is +to say, Mr Pecksniff told them so; for as to anything they could see +of the Monument, or anything else but the buildings close at hand, they +might as well have been playing blindman's buff at Salisbury. + +Mr Pecksniff looked about him for a moment, and then knocked at the +door of a very dingy edifice, even among the choice collection of dingy +edifices at hand; on the front of which was a little oval board like +a tea-tray, with this inscription--'Commercial Boarding-House: M. +Todgers.' + +It seemed that M. Todgers was not up yet, for Mr Pecksniff knocked twice +and rang thrice, without making any impression on anything but a dog +over the way. At last a chain and some bolts were withdrawn with a rusty +noise, as if the weather had made the very fastenings hoarse, and a +small boy with a large red head, and no nose to speak of, and a very +dirty Wellington boot on his left arm, appeared; who (being surprised) +rubbed the nose just mentioned with the back of a shoe-brush, and said +nothing. + +'Still a-bed my man?' asked Mr Pecksniff. + +'Still a-bed!' replied the boy. 'I wish they wos still a-bed. They're +very noisy a-bed; all calling for their boots at once. I thought you +was the Paper, and wondered why you didn't shove yourself through the +grating as usual. What do you want?' + +Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to have +preferred this question sternly, and in something of a defiant manner. +But Mr Pecksniff, without taking umbrage at his bearing put a card +in his hand, and bade him take that upstairs, and show them in the +meanwhile into a room where there was a fire. + +'Or if there's one in the eating parlour,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I can +find it myself.' So he led his daughters, without waiting for any +further introduction, into a room on the ground-floor, where a +table-cloth (rather a tight and scanty fit in reference to the table it +covered) was already spread for breakfast; displaying a mighty dish of +pink boiled beef; an instance of that particular style of loaf which +is known to housekeepers as a slack-baked, crummy quartern; a liberal +provision of cups and saucers; and the usual appendages. + +Inside the fender were some half-dozen pairs of shoes and boots, of +various sizes, just cleaned and turned with the soles upwards to dry; +and a pair of short black gaiters, on one of which was chalked--in +sport, it would appear, by some gentleman who had slipped down for the +purpose, pending his toilet, and gone up again--'Jinkins's Particular,' +while the other exhibited a sketch in profile, claiming to be the +portrait of Jinkins himself. + +M. Todgers's Commercial Boarding-House was a house of that sort which is +likely to be dark at any time; but that morning it was especially dark. +There was an odd smell in the passage, as if the concentrated essence of +all the dinners that had been cooked in the kitchen since the house was +built, lingered at the top of the kitchen stairs to that hour, and like +the Black Friar in Don Juan, 'wouldn't be driven away.' In particular, +there was a sensation of cabbage; as if all the greens that had ever +been boiled there, were evergreens, and flourished in immortal strength. +The parlour was wainscoted, and communicated to strangers a magnetic +and instinctive consciousness of rats and mice. The staircase was very +gloomy and very broad, with balustrades so thick and heavy that they +would have served for a bridge. In a sombre corner on the first landing, +stood a gruff old giant of a clock, with a preposterous coronet of three +brass balls on his head; whom few had ever seen--none ever looked in the +face--and who seemed to continue his heavy tick for no other reason than +to warn heedless people from running into him accidentally. It had not +been papered or painted, hadn't Todgers's, within the memory of man. It +was very black, begrimed, and mouldy. And, at the top of the staircase, +was an old, disjointed, rickety, ill-favoured skylight, patched +and mended in all kinds of ways, which looked distrustfully down at +everything that passed below, and covered Todgers's up as if it were a +sort of human cucumber-frame, and only people of a peculiar growth were +reared there. + +Mr Pecksniff and his fair daughters had not stood warming themselves at +the fire ten minutes, when the sound of feet was heard upon the stairs, +and the presiding deity of the establishment came hurrying in. + +M. Todgers was a lady, rather a bony and hard-featured lady, with a row +of curls in front of her head, shaped like little barrels of beer; +and on the top of it something made of net--you couldn't call it a cap +exactly--which looked like a black cobweb. She had a little basket on +her arm, and in it a bunch of keys that jingled as she came. In her +other hand she bore a flaming tallow candle, which, after surveying Mr +Pecksniff for one instant by its light, she put down upon the table, to +the end that she might receive him with the greater cordiality. + +'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'Welcome to London! Who would have +thought of such a visit as this, after so--dear, dear!--so many years! +How do you DO, Mr Pecksniff?' + +'As well as ever; and as glad to see you, as ever;' Mr Pecksniff made +response. 'Why, you are younger than you used to be!' + +'YOU are, I am sure!' said Mrs Todgers. 'You're not a bit changed.' + +'What do you say to this?' cried Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand +towards the young ladies. 'Does this make me no older?' + +'Not your daughters!' exclaimed the lady, raising her hands and clasping +them. 'Oh, no, Mr Pecksniff! Your second, and her bridesmaid!' + +Mr Pecksniff smiled complacently; shook his head; and said, 'My +daughters, Mrs Todgers. Merely my daughters.' + +'Ah!' sighed the good lady, 'I must believe you, for now I look at 'em +I think I should have known 'em anywhere. My dear Miss Pecksniffs, how +happy your Pa has made me!' + +She hugged them both; and being by this time overpowered by her feelings +or the inclemency of the morning, jerked a little pocket handkerchief +out of the little basket, and applied the same to her face. + +'Now, my good madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I know the rules of your +establishment, and that you only receive gentlemen boarders. But +it occurred to me, when I left home, that perhaps you would give my +daughters house room, and make an exception in their favour.' + +'Perhaps?' cried Mrs Todgers ecstatically. 'Perhaps?' + +'I may say then, that I was sure you would,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'I +know that you have a little room of your own, and that they can be +comfortable there, without appearing at the general table.' + +'Dear girls!' said Mrs Todgers. 'I must take that liberty once more.' + +Mrs Todgers meant by this that she must embrace them once more, which +she accordingly did with great ardour. But the truth was that the house +being full with the exception of one bed, which would now be occupied +by Mr Pecksniff, she wanted time for consideration; and so much time too +(for it was a knotty point how to dispose of them), that even when +this second embrace was over, she stood for some moments gazing at the +sisters, with affection beaming in one eye, and calculation shining out +of the other. + +'I think I know how to arrange it,' said Mrs Todgers, at length. 'A sofa +bedstead in the little third room which opens from my own parlour.--Oh, +you dear girls!' + +Thereupon she embraced them once more, observing that she could not +decide which was most like their poor mother (which was highly probable, +seeing that she had never beheld that lady), but that she rather thought +the youngest was; and then she said that as the gentlemen would be down +directly, and the ladies were fatigued with travelling, would they step +into her room at once? + +It was on the same floor; being, in fact, the back parlour; and had, +as Mrs Todgers said, the great advantage (in London) of not being +overlooked; as they would see when the fog cleared off. Nor was this +a vainglorious boast, for it commanded at a perspective of two feet, +a brown wall with a black cistern on the top. The sleeping apartment +designed for the young ladies was approached from this chamber by a +mightily convenient little door, which would only open when fallen +against by a strong person. It commanded from a similar point of sight +another angle of the wall, and another side of the cistern. 'Not the +damp side,' said Mrs Todgers. 'THAT is Mr Jinkins's.' + +In the first of these sanctuaries a fire was speedily kindled by the +youthful porter, who, whistling at his work in the absence of Mrs +Todgers (not to mention his sketching figures on his corduroys with +burnt firewood), and being afterwards taken by that lady in the fact, +was dismissed with a box on his ears. Having prepared breakfast for the +young ladies with her own hands, she withdrew to preside in the other +room; where the joke at Mr Jinkins's expense seemed to be proceeding +rather noisily. + +'I won't ask you yet, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking in at the +door, 'how you like London. Shall I?' + +'We haven't seen much of it, Pa!' cried Merry. + +'Nothing, I hope,' said Cherry. (Both very miserably.) + +'Indeed,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that's true. We have our pleasure, and our +business too, before us. All in good time. All in good time!' + +Whether Mr Pecksniff's business in London was as strictly professional +as he had given his new pupil to understand, we shall see, to adopt that +worthy man's phraseology, 'all in good time.' + + + +CHAPTER NINE + +TOWN AND TODGER'S + + +Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in the +world, such a singular sort of a place as Todgers's. And surely London, +to judge from that part of it which hemmed Todgers's round and hustled +it, and crushed it, and stuck its brick-and-mortar elbows into it, and +kept the air from it, and stood perpetually between it and the +light, was worthy of Todgers's, and qualified to be on terms of close +relationship and alliance with hundreds and thousands of the odd family +to which Todgers's belonged. + +You couldn't walk about Todgers's neighbourhood, as you could in any +other neighbourhood. You groped your way for an hour through lanes and +byways, and court-yards, and passages; and you never once emerged upon +anything that might be reasonably called a street. A kind of resigned +distraction came over the stranger as he trod those devious mazes, and, +giving himself up for lost, went in and out and round about and quietly +turned back again when he came to a dead wall or was stopped by an +iron railing, and felt that the means of escape might possibly present +themselves in their own good time, but that to anticipate them was +hopeless. Instances were known of people who, being asked to dine at +Todgers's, had travelled round and round for a weary time, with its very +chimney-pots in view; and finding it, at last, impossible of attainment, +had gone home again with a gentle melancholy on their spirits, +tranquil and uncomplaining. Nobody had ever found Todgers's on a verbal +direction, though given within a few minutes' walk of it. Cautious +emigrants from Scotland or the North of England had been known to reach +it safely, by impressing a charity-boy, town-bred, and bringing him +along with them; or by clinging tenaciously to the postman; but these +were rare exceptions, and only went to prove the rule that Todgers's was +in a labyrinth, whereof the mystery was known but to a chosen few. + +Several fruit-brokers had their marts near Todgers's; and one of the +first impressions wrought upon the stranger's senses was of oranges--of +damaged oranges--with blue and green bruises on them, festering in +boxes, or mouldering away in cellars. All day long, a stream of porters +from the wharves beside the river, each bearing on his back a bursting +chest of oranges, poured slowly through the narrow passages; while +underneath the archway by the public-house, the knots of those who +rested and regaled within, were piled from morning until night. Strange +solitary pumps were found near Todgers's hiding themselves for the most +part in blind alleys, and keeping company with fire-ladders. There were +churches also by dozens, with many a ghostly little churchyard, all +overgrown with such straggling vegetation as springs up spontaneously +from damp, and graves, and rubbish. In some of these dingy +resting-places which bore much the same analogy to green churchyards, +as the pots of earth for mignonette and wall-flower in the windows +overlooking them did to rustic gardens, there were trees; tall trees; +still putting forth their leaves in each succeeding year, with such a +languishing remembrance of their kind (so one might fancy, looking on +their sickly boughs) as birds in cages have of theirs. Here, paralysed +old watchmen guarded the bodies of the dead at night, year after year, +until at last they joined that solemn brotherhood; and, saving that they +slept below the ground a sounder sleep than even they had ever known +above it, and were shut up in another kind of box, their condition can +hardly be said to have undergone any material change when they, in turn, +were watched themselves. + +Among the narrow thoroughfares at hand, there lingered, here and there, +an ancient doorway of carved oak, from which, of old, the sounds of +revelry and feasting often came; but now these mansions, only used +for storehouses, were dark and dull, and, being filled with wool, and +cotton, and the like--such heavy merchandise as stifles sound and stops +the throat of echo--had an air of palpable deadness about them which, +added to their silence and desertion, made them very grim. In like +manner, there were gloomy courtyards in these parts, into which few but +belated wayfarers ever strayed, and where vast bags and packs of goods, +upward or downward bound, were for ever dangling between heaven and +earth from lofty cranes There were more trucks near Todgers's than +you would suppose whole city could ever need; not active trucks, but +a vagabond race, for ever lounging in the narrow lanes before +their masters' doors and stopping up the pass; so that when a stray +hackney-coach or lumbering waggon came that way, they were the cause of +such an uproar as enlivened the whole neighbourhood, and made the bells +in the next churchtower vibrate again. In the throats and maws of dark +no-thoroughfares near Todgers's, individual wine-merchants and wholesale +dealers in grocery-ware had perfect little towns of their own; and, deep +among the foundations of these buildings, the ground was undermined and +burrowed out into stables, where cart-horses, troubled by rats, might be +heard on a quiet Sunday rattling their halters, as disturbed spirits in +tales of haunted houses are said to clank their chains. + +To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secret +existence near Todgers's, would fill a goodly book; while a second +volume no less capacious might be devoted to an account of the quaint +old guests who frequented their dimly lighted parlours. These were, in +general, ancient inhabitants of that region; born, and bred there from +boyhood, who had long since become wheezy and asthmatical, and short of +breath, except in the article of story-telling; in which respect they +were still marvellously long-winded. These gentry were much opposed to +steam and all new-fangled ways, and held ballooning to be sinful, and +deplored the degeneracy of the times; which that particular member +of each little club who kept the keys of the nearest church, +professionally, always attributed to the prevalence of dissent and +irreligion; though the major part of the company inclined to the belief +that virtue went out with hair-powder, and that Old England's greatness +had decayed amain with barbers. + +As to Todgers's itself--speaking of it only as a house in that +neighbourhood, and making no reference to its merits as a commercial +boarding establishment--it was worthy to stand where it did. There was +one staircase-window in it, at the side of the house, on the ground +floor; which tradition said had not been opened for a hundred years at +least, and which, abutting on an always dirty lane, was so begrimed and +coated with a century's mud, that no one pane of glass could possibly +fall out, though all were cracked and broken twenty times. But the grand +mystery of Todgers's was the cellarage, approachable only by a little +back door and a rusty grating; which cellarage within the memory of man +had had no connection with the house, but had always been the freehold +property of somebody else, and was reported to be full of wealth; though +in what shape--whether in silver, brass, or gold, or butts of wine, +or casks of gun-powder--was matter of profound uncertainty and supreme +indifference to Todgers's and all its inmates. + +The top of the house was worthy of notice. There was a sort of terrace +on the roof, with posts and fragments of rotten lines, once intended to +dry clothes upon; and there were two or three tea-chests out there, +full of earth, with forgotten plants in them, like old walking-sticks. +Whoever climbed to this observatory, was stunned at first from having +knocked his head against the little door in coming out; and after that, +was for the moment choked from having looked perforce, straight down the +kitchen chimney; but these two stages over, there were things to gaze +at from the top of Todgers's, well worth your seeing too. For first +and foremost, if the day were bright, you observed upon the house-tops, +stretching far away, a long dark path; the shadow of the Monument; and +turning round, the tall original was close beside you, with every hair +erect upon his golden head, as if the doings of the city frightened him. +Then there were steeples, towers, belfries, shining vanes, and masts of +ships; a very forest. Gables, housetops, garret-windows, wilderness upon +wilderness. Smoke and noise enough for all the world at once. + +After the first glance, there were slight features in the midst of this +crowd of objects, which sprung out from the mass without any reason, as +it were, and took hold of the attention whether the spectator would or +no. Thus, the revolving chimney-pots on one great stack of buildings +seemed to be turning gravely to each other every now and then, and +whispering the result of their separate observation of what was going +on below. Others, of a crook-backed shape, appeared to be maliciously +holding themselves askew, that they might shut the prospect out and +baffle Todgers's. The man who was mending a pen at an upper window over +the way, became of paramount importance in the scene, and made a blank +in it, ridiculously disproportionate in its extent, when he retired. The +gambols of a piece of cloth upon the dyer's pole had far more interest +for the moment than all the changing motion of the crowd. Yet even while +the looker-on felt angry with himself for this, and wondered how it was, +the tumult swelled into a roar; the hosts of objects seemed to thicken +and expand a hundredfold, and after gazing round him, quite scared, he +turned into Todgers's again, much more rapidly than he came out; and ten +to one he told M. Todgers afterwards that if he hadn't done so, he would +certainly have come into the street by the shortest cut; that is to say, +head-foremost. + +So said the two Miss Pecksniffs, when they retired with Mrs Todgers from +this place of espial, leaving the youthful porter to close the door +and follow them downstairs; who, being of a playful temperament, and +contemplating with a delight peculiar to his sex and time of life, any +chance of dashing himself into small fragments, lingered behind to walk +upon the parapet. + +It being the second day of their stay in London, the Miss Pecksniffs +and Mrs Todgers were by this time highly confidential, insomuch that the +last-named lady had already communicated the particulars of three early +disappointments of a tender nature; and had furthermore possessed her +young friends with a general summary of the life, conduct, and character +of Mr Todgers. Who, it seemed, had cut his matrimonial career rather +short, by unlawfully running away from his happiness, and establishing +himself in foreign countries as a bachelor. + +'Your pa was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears,' said +Mrs Todgers, 'but to be your ma was too much happiness denied me. You'd +hardly know who this was done for, perhaps?' + +She called their attention to an oval miniature, like a little blister, +which was tacked up over the kettle-holder, and in which there was a +dreamy shadowing forth of her own visage. + +'It's a speaking likeness!' cried the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'It was considered so once,' said Mrs Todgers, warming herself in a +gentlemanly manner at the fire; 'but I hardly thought you would have +known it, my loves.' + +They would have known it anywhere. If they could have met with it in +the street, or seen it in a shop window, they would have cried 'Good +gracious! Mrs Todgers!' + +'Presiding over an establishment like this, makes sad havoc with the +features, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said Mrs Todgers. 'The gravy alone, +is enough to add twenty years to one's age, I do assure you.' + +'Lor'!' cried the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'The anxiety of that one item, my dears,' said Mrs Todgers, 'keeps the +mind continually upon the stretch. There is no such passion in human +nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen. It's +nothing to say a joint won't yield--a whole animal wouldn't yield--the +amount of gravy they expect each day at dinner. And what I have +undergone in consequence,' cried Mrs Todgers, raising her eyes and +shaking her head, 'no one would believe!' + +'Just like Mr Pinch, Merry!' said Charity. 'We have always noticed it in +him, you remember?' + +'Yes, my dear,' giggled Merry, 'but we have never given it him, you +know.' + +'You, my dears, having to deal with your pa's pupils who can't help +themselves, are able to take your own way,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but in +a commercial establishment, where any gentleman may say any Saturday +evening, "Mrs Todgers, this day week we part, in consequence of the +cheese," it is not so easy to preserve a pleasant understanding. Your pa +was kind enough,' added the good lady, 'to invite me to take a ride with +you to-day; and I think he mentioned that you were going to call upon +Miss Pinch. Any relation to the gentleman you were speaking of just now, +Miss Pecksniff?' + +'For goodness sake, Mrs Todgers,' interposed the lively Merry, 'don't +call him a gentleman. My dear Cherry, Pinch a gentleman! The idea!' + +'What a wicked girl you are!' cried Mrs Todgers, embracing her with +great affection. 'You are quite a quiz, I do declare! My dear Miss +Pecksniff, what a happiness your sister's spirits must be to your pa and +self!' + +'He's the most hideous, goggle-eyed creature, Mrs Todgers, in +existence,' resumed Merry: 'quite an ogre. The ugliest, awkwardest +frightfullest being, you can imagine. This is his sister, so I leave you +to suppose what SHE is. I shall be obliged to laugh outright, I know +I shall!' cried the charming girl, 'I never shall be able to keep my +countenance. The notion of a Miss Pinch presuming to exist at all is +sufficient to kill one, but to see her--oh my stars!' + +Mrs Todgers laughed immensely at the dear love's humour, and declared +she was quite afraid of her, that she was. She was so very severe. + +'Who is severe?' cried a voice at the door. 'There is no such thing as +severity in our family, I hope!' And then Mr Pecksniff peeped smilingly +into the room, and said, 'May I come in, Mrs Todgers?' + +Mrs Todgers almost screamed, for the little door of communication +between that room and the inner one being wide open, there was a full +disclosure of the sofa bedstead in all its monstrous impropriety. But +she had the presence of mind to close this portal in the twinkling of an +eye; and having done so, said, though not without confusion, 'Oh yes, Mr +Pecksniff, you can come in, if you please.' + +'How are we to-day,' said Mr Pecksniff, jocosely, 'and what are our +plans? Are we ready to go and see Tom Pinch's sister? Ha, ha, ha! Poor +Thomas Pinch!' + +'Are we ready,' returned Mrs Todgers, nodding her head with mysterious +intelligence, 'to send a favourable reply to Mr Jinkins's round-robin? +That's the first question, Mr Pecksniff.' + +'Why Mr Jinkins's robin, my dear madam?' asked Mr Pecksniff, putting one +arm round Mercy, and the other round Mrs Todgers, whom he seemed, in the +abstraction of the moment, to mistake for Charity. 'Why Mr Jinkins's?' + +'Because he began to get it up, and indeed always takes the lead in the +house,' said Mrs Todgers, playfully. 'That's why, sir.' + +'Jinkins is a man of superior talents,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I have +conceived a great regard for Jinkins. I take Jinkins's desire to pay +polite attention to my daughters, as an additional proof of the friendly +feeling of Jinkins, Mrs Todgers.' + +'Well now,' returned that lady, 'having said so much, you must say the +rest, Mr Pecksniff; so tell the dear young ladies all about it.' + +With these words she gently eluded Mr Pecksniff's grasp, and took Miss +Charity into her own embrace; though whether she was impelled to this +proceeding solely by the irrepressible affection she had conceived for +that young lady, or whether it had any reference to a lowering, not to +say distinctly spiteful expression which had been visible in her face +for some moments, has never been exactly ascertained. Be this as it may, +Mr Pecksniff went on to inform his daughters of the purport and history +of the round-robin aforesaid, which was in brief, that the commercial +gentlemen who helped to make up the sum and substance of that noun of +multitude signifying many, called Todgers's, desired the honour of their +presence at the general table, so long as they remained in the house, +and besought that they would grace the board at dinner-time next +day, the same being Sunday. He further said, that Mrs Todgers being a +consenting party to this invitation, he was willing, for his part, to +accept it; and so left them that he might write his gracious answer, the +while they armed themselves with their best bonnets for the utter defeat +and overthrow of Miss Pinch. + +Tom Pinch's sister was governess in a family, a lofty family; perhaps +the wealthiest brass and copper founders' family known to mankind. +They lived at Camberwell; in a house so big and fierce, that its mere +outside, like the outside of a giant's castle, struck terror into vulgar +minds and made bold persons quail. There was a great front gate; with a +great bell, whose handle was in itself a note of admiration; and a +great lodge; which being close to the house, rather spoilt the look-out +certainly but made the look-in tremendous. At this entry, a great porter +kept constant watch and ward; and when he gave the visitor high leave +to pass, he rang a second great bell, responsive to whose note a great +footman appeared in due time at the great halldoor, with such great +tags upon his liveried shoulder that he was perpetually entangling and +hooking himself among the chairs and tables, and led a life of torment +which could scarcely have been surpassed, if he had been a blue-bottle +in a world of cobwebs. + +To this mansion Mr Pecksniff, accompanied by his daughters and Mrs +Todgers, drove gallantly in a one-horse fly. The foregoing ceremonies +having been all performed, they were ushered into the house; and so, by +degrees, they got at last into a small room with books in it, where Mr +Pinch's sister was at that moment instructing her eldest pupil; to wit, +a premature little woman of thirteen years old, who had already arrived +at such a pitch of whalebone and education that she had nothing girlish +about her, which was a source of great rejoicing to all her relations +and friends. + +'Visitors for Miss Pinch!' said the footman. He must have been +an ingenious young man, for he said it very cleverly; with a nice +discrimination between the cold respect with which he would have +announced visitors to the family, and the warm personal interest with +which he would have announced visitors to the cook. + +'Visitors for Miss Pinch!' + +Miss Pinch rose hastily; with such tokens of agitation as plainly +declared that her list of callers was not numerous. At the same time, +the little pupil became alarmingly upright, and prepared herself to take +mental notes of all that might be said and done. For the lady of the +establishment was curious in the natural history and habits of the +animal called Governess, and encouraged her daughters to report thereon +whenever occasion served; which was, in reference to all parties +concerned, very laudable, improving, and pleasant. + +It is a melancholy fact; but it must be related, that Mr Pinch's sister +was not at all ugly. On the contrary, she had a good face; a very mild +and prepossessing face; and a pretty little figure--slight and short, +but remarkable for its neatness. There was something of her brother, +much of him indeed, in a certain gentleness of manner, and in her look +of timid trustfulness; but she was so far from being a fright, or +a dowdy, or a horror, or anything else, predicted by the two Miss +Pecksniffs, that those young ladies naturally regarded her with great +indignation, feeling that this was by no means what they had come to +see. + +Miss Mercy, as having the larger share of gaiety, bore up the best +against this disappointment, and carried it off, in outward show at +least, with a titter; but her sister, not caring to hide her disdain, +expressed it pretty openly in her looks. As to Mrs Todgers, she leaned +on Mr Pecksniff's arm and preserved a kind of genteel grimness, suitable +to any state of mind, and involving any shade of opinion. + +'Don't be alarmed, Miss Pinch,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking her hand +condescendingly in one of his, and patting it with the other. 'I have +called to see you, in pursuance of a promise given to your brother, +Thomas Pinch. My name--compose yourself, Miss Pinch--is Pecksniff.' + +The good man emphasised these words as though he would have said, 'You +see in me, young person, the benefactor of your race; the patron of your +house; the preserver of your brother, who is fed with manna daily from +my table; and in right of whom there is a considerable balance in my +favour at present standing in the books beyond the sky. But I have no +pride, for I can afford to do without it!' + +The poor girl felt it all as if it had been Gospel truth. Her brother +writing in the fullness of his simple heart, had often told her so, and +how much more! As Mr Pecksniff ceased to speak, she hung her head, and +dropped a tear upon his hand. + +'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the sharp pupil, 'crying before +strangers, as if you didn't like the situation!' + +'Thomas is well,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and sends his love and this +letter. I cannot say, poor fellow, that he will ever be distinguished in +our profession; but he has the will to do well, which is the next thing +to having the power; and, therefore, we must bear with him. Eh?' + +'I know he has the will, sir,' said Tom Pinch's sister, 'and I know how +kindly and considerately you cherish it, for which neither he nor I can +ever be grateful enough, as we very often say in writing to each +other. The young ladies too,' she added, glancing gratefully at his two +daughters, 'I know how much we owe to them.' + +'My dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to them with a smile: 'Thomas's +sister is saying something you will be glad to hear, I think.' + +'We can't take any merit to ourselves, papa!' cried Cherry, as they +both apprised Tom Pinch's sister, with a curtsey, that they would +feel obliged if she would keep her distance. 'Mr Pinch's being so well +provided for is owing to you alone, and we can only say how glad we are +to hear that he is as grateful as he ought to be.' + +'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the pupil again. 'Got a grateful +brother, living on other people's kindness!' + +'It was very kind of you,' said Tom Pinch's sister, with Tom's own +simplicity and Tom's own smile, 'to come here; very kind indeed; though +how great a kindness you have done me in gratifying my wish to see you, +and to thank you with my own lips, you, who make so light of benefits +conferred, can scarcely think.' + +'Very grateful; very pleasant; very proper,' murmured Mr Pecksniff. + +'It makes me happy too,' said Ruth Pinch, who now that her first +surprise was over, had a chatty, cheerful way with her, and a +single-hearted desire to look upon the best side of everything, which +was the very moral and image of Tom; 'very happy to think that you will +be able to tell him how more than comfortably I am situated here, and +how unnecessary it is that he should ever waste a regret on my being +cast upon my own resources. Dear me! So long as I heard that he was +happy, and he heard that I was,' said Tom's sister, 'we could both bear, +without one impatient or complaining thought, a great deal more than +ever we have had to endure, I am very certain.' And if ever the plain +truth were spoken on this occasionally false earth, Tom's sister spoke +it when she said that. + +'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff whose eyes had in the meantime wandered to the +pupil; 'certainly. And how do YOU do, my very interesting child?' + +'Quite well, I thank you, sir,' replied that frosty innocent. + +'A sweet face this, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to his +daughters. 'A charming manner!' + +Both young ladies had been in ecstasies with the scion of a wealthy +house (through whom the nearest road and shortest cut to her parents +might be supposed to lie) from the first. Mrs Todgers vowed that +anything one quarter so angelic she had never seen. 'She wanted but +a pair of wings, a dear,' said that good woman, 'to be a young +syrup'--meaning, possibly, young sylph, or seraph. + +'If you will give that to your distinguished parents, my amiable little +friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, producing one of his professional cards, +'and will say that I and my daughters--' + +'And Mrs Todgers, pa,' said Merry. + +'And Mrs Todgers, of London,' added Mr Pecksniff; 'that I, and my +daughters, and Mrs Todgers, of London, did not intrude upon them, as our +object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch, whose brother is a +young man in my employment; but that I could not leave this very chaste +mansion, without adding my humble tribute, as an Architect, to +the correctness and elegance of the owner's taste, and to his just +appreciation of that beautiful art to the cultivation of which I have +devoted a life, and to the promotion of whose glory and advancement I +have sacrified a--a fortune--I shall be very much obliged to you.' + +'Missis's compliments to Miss Pinch,' said the footman, suddenly +appearing, and speaking in exactly the same key as before, 'and begs to +know wot my young lady is a-learning of just now.' + +'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Here is the young man. HE will take the +card. With my compliments, if you please, young man. My dears, we are +interrupting the studies. Let us go.' + +Some confusion was occasioned for an instant by Mrs Todgers's +unstrapping her little flat hand-basket, and hurriedly entrusting the +'young man' with one of her own cards, which, in addition to +certain detailed information relative to the terms of the commercial +establishment, bore a foot-note to the effect that M. T. took that +opportunity of thanking those gentlemen who had honoured her with their +favours, and begged they would have the goodness, if satisfied with +the table, to recommend her to their friends. But Mr Pecksniff, with +admirable presence of mind, recovered this document, and buttoned it up +in his own pocket. + +Then he said to Miss Pinch--with more condescension and kindness than +ever, for it was desirable the footman should expressly understand that +they were not friends of hers, but patrons: + +'Good morning. Good-bye. God bless you! You may depend upon my continued +protection of your brother Thomas. Keep your mind quite at ease, Miss +Pinch!' + +'Thank you,' said Tom's sister heartily; 'a thousand times.' + +'Not at all,' he retorted, patting her gently on the head. 'Don't +mention it. You will make me angry if you do. My sweet child'--to the +pupil--'farewell! That fairy creature,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking in +his pensive mood hard at the footman, as if he meant him, 'has shed +a vision on my path, refulgent in its nature, and not easily to be +obliterated. My dears, are you ready?' + +They were not quite ready yet, for they were still caressing the pupil. +But they tore themselves away at length; and sweeping past Miss Pinch +with each a haughty inclination of the head and a curtsey strangled in +its birth, flounced into the passage. + +The young man had rather a long job in showing them out; for Mr +Pecksniff's delight in the tastefulness of the house was such that he +could not help often stopping (particularly when they were near the +parlour door) and giving it expression, in a loud voice and very learned +terms. Indeed, he delivered, between the study and the hall, a +familiar exposition of the whole science of architecture as applied to +dwelling-houses, and was yet in the freshness of his eloquence when they +reached the garden. + +'If you look,' said Mr Pecksniff, backing from the steps, with his head +on one side and his eyes half-shut that he might the better take in +the proportions of the exterior: 'If you look, my dears, at the cornice +which supports the roof, and observe the airiness of its construction, +especially where it sweeps the southern angle of the building, you will +feel with me--How do you do, sir? I hope you're well?' + +Interrupting himself with these words, he very politely bowed to a +middle-aged gentleman at an upper window, to whom he spoke--not because +the gentleman could hear him (for he certainly could not), but as an +appropriate accompaniment to his salutation. + +'I have no doubt, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, feigning to point out +other beauties with his hand, 'that this is the proprietor. I should be +glad to know him. It might lead to something. Is he looking this way, +Charity?' + +'He is opening the window pa!' + +'Ha, ha!' cried Mr Pecksniff softly. 'All right! He has found I'm +professional. He heard me inside just now, I have no doubt. Don't look! +With regard to the fluted pillars in the portico, my dears--' + +'Hallo!' cried the gentleman. + +'Sir, your servant!' said Mr Pecksniff, taking off his hat. 'I am proud +to make your acquaintance.' + +'Come off the grass, will you!' roared the gentleman. + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, doubtful of his having +heard aright. 'Did you--?' + +'Come off the grass!' repeated the gentleman, warmly. + +'We are unwilling to intrude, sir,' Mr Pecksniff smilingly began. + +'But you ARE intruding,' returned the other, 'unwarrantably intruding. +Trespassing. You see a gravel walk, don't you? What do you think it's +meant for? Open the gate there! Show that party out!' + +With that he clapped down the window again, and disappeared. + +Mr Pecksniff put on his hat, and walked with great deliberation and in +profound silence to the fly, gazing at the clouds as he went, with +great interest. After helping his daughters and Mrs Todgers into that +conveyance, he stood looking at it for some moments, as if he were not +quite certain whether it was a carriage or a temple; but having settled +this point in his mind, he got into his place, spread his hands out on +his knees, and smiled upon the three beholders. + +But his daughters, less tranquil-minded, burst into a torrent of +indignation. This came, they said, of cherishing such creatures as the +Pinches. This came of lowering themselves to their level. This came of +putting themselves in the humiliating position of seeming to know such +bold, audacious, cunning, dreadful girls as that. They had expected +this. They had predicted it to Mrs Todgers, as she (Todgers) could +depone, that very morning. To this, they added, that the owner of the +house, supposing them to be Miss Pinch's friends, had acted, in +their opinion, quite correctly, and had done no more than, under such +circumstances, might reasonably have been expected. To that they added +(with a trifling inconsistency), that he was a brute and a bear; and +then they merged into a flood of tears, which swept away all wandering +epithets before it. + +Perhaps Miss Pinch was scarcely so much to blame in the matter as the +Seraph, who, immediately on the withdrawal of the visitors, had hastened +to report them at head-quarters, with a full account of their having +presumptuously charged her with the delivery of a message afterwards +consigned to the footman; which outrage, taken in conjunction with Mr +Pecksniff's unobtrusive remarks on the establishment, might possibly +have had some share in their dismissal. Poor Miss Pinch, however, had to +bear the brunt of it with both parties; being so severely taken to task +by the Seraph's mother for having such vulgar acquaintances, that +she was fain to retire to her own room in tears, which her natural +cheerfulness and submission, and the delight of having seen Mr +Pecksniff, and having received a letter from her brother, were at first +insufficient to repress. + +As to Mr Pecksniff, he told them in the fly, that a good action was its +own reward; and rather gave them to understand, that if he could have +been kicked in such a cause, he would have liked it all the better. But +this was no comfort to the young ladies, who scolded violently the whole +way back, and even exhibited, more than once, a keen desire to attack +the devoted Mrs Todgers; on whose personal appearance, but particularly +on whose offending card and hand-basket, they were secretly inclined to +lay the blame of half their failure. + +Todgers's was in a great bustle that evening, partly owing to some +additional domestic preparations for the morrow, and partly to the +excitement always inseparable in that house from Saturday night, when +every gentleman's linen arrived at a different hour in its own little +bundle, with his private account pinned on the outside. There was always +a great clinking of pattens downstairs, too, until midnight or so, on +Saturdays; together with a frequent gleaming of mysterious lights in +the area; much working at the pump; and a constant jangling of the iron +handle of the pail. Shrill altercations from time to time arose between +Mrs Todgers and unknown females in remote back kitchens; and sounds were +occasionally heard, indicative of small articles of iron mongery and +hardware being thrown at the boy. It was the custom of that youth on +Saturdays, to roll up his shirt sleeves to his shoulders, and pervade +all parts of the house in an apron of coarse green baize; moreover, he +was more strongly tempted on Saturdays than on other days (it being a +busy time), to make excursive bolts into the neighbouring alleys when he +answered the door, and there to play at leap-frog and other sports with +vagrant lads, until pursued and brought back by the hair of his head or +the lobe of his ear; thus he was quite a conspicuous feature among the +peculiar incidents of the last day in the week at Todgers's. + +He was especially so on this particular Saturday evening, and honoured +the Miss Pecksniffs with a deal of notice; seldom passing the door +of Mrs Todgers's private room, where they sat alone before the fire, +working by the light of a solitary candle, without putting in his head +and greeting them with some such compliments as, 'There you are agin!' +'An't it nice?'--and similar humorous attentions. + +'I say,' he whispered, stopping in one of his journeys to and fro, +'young ladies, there's soup to-morrow. She's a-making it now. An't she +a-putting in the water? Oh! not at all neither!' + +In the course of answering another knock, he thrust in his head again. + +'I say! There's fowls to-morrow. Not skinny ones. Oh no!' + +Presently he called through the key-hole: + +'There's a fish to-morrow. Just come. Don't eat none of him!' And, with +this special warning, vanished again. + +By-and-bye, he returned to lay the cloth for supper; it having been +arranged between Mrs Todgers and the young ladies, that they should +partake of an exclusive veal-cutlet together in the privacy of that +apartment. He entertained them on this occasion by thrusting the +lighted candle into his mouth, and exhibiting his face in a state of +transparency; after the performance of which feat, he went on with his +professional duties; brightening every knife as he laid it on the table, +by breathing on the blade and afterwards polishing the same on the apron +already mentioned. When he had completed his preparations, he grinned +at the sisters, and expressed his belief that the approaching collation +would be of 'rather a spicy sort.' + +'Will it be long, before it's ready, Bailey?' asked Mercy. + +'No,' said Bailey, 'it IS cooked. When I come up, she was dodging among +the tender pieces with a fork, and eating of 'em.' + +But he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words, when he +received a manual compliment on the head, which sent him staggering +against the wall; and Mrs Todgers, dish in hand, stood indignantly +before him. + +'Oh you little villain!' said that lady. 'Oh you bad, false boy!' + +'No worse than yerself,' retorted Bailey, guarding his head, on a +principle invented by Mr Thomas Cribb. 'Ah! Come now! Do that again, +will yer?' + +'He's the most dreadful child,' said Mrs Todgers, setting down the dish, +'I ever had to deal with. The gentlemen spoil him to that extent, and +teach him such things, that I'm afraid nothing but hanging will ever do +him any good.' + +'Won't it!' cried Bailey. 'Oh! Yes! Wot do you go a-lowerin the +table-beer for then, and destroying my constitooshun?' + +'Go downstairs, you vicious boy,' said Mrs Todgers, holding the door +open. 'Do you hear me? Go along!' + +After two or three dexterous feints, he went, and was seen no more that +night, save once, when he brought up some tumblers and hot water, and +much disturbed the two Miss Pecksniffs by squinting hideously behind +the back of the unconscious Mrs Todgers. Having done this justice to his +wounded feelings, he retired underground; where, in company with a swarm +of black beetles and a kitchen candle, he employed his faculties in +cleaning boots and brushing clothes until the night was far advanced. + +Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young retainer but he +was known by a great variety of names. Benjamin, for instance, had been +converted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted into Uncle; +which, by an easy transition, had again passed into Barnwell, in memory +of the celebrated relative in that degree who was shot by his nephew +George, while meditating in his garden at Camberwell. The gentlemen at +Todgers's had a merry habit, too, of bestowing upon him, for the time +being, the name of any notorious malefactor or minister; and sometimes +when current events were flat they even sought the pages of history for +these distinctions; as Mr Pitt, Young Brownrigg, and the like. At the +period of which we write, he was generally known among the gentlemen as +Bailey junior; a name bestowed upon him in contradistinction, perhaps, +to Old Bailey; and possibly as involving the recollection of an +unfortunate lady of the same name, who perished by her own hand early in +life, and has been immortalised in a ballad. + +The usual Sunday dinner-hour at Todgers's was two o'clock--a suitable +time, it was considered for all parties; convenient to Mrs Todgers, on +account of the bakers; and convenient to the gentlemen with reference +to their afternoon engagements. But on the Sunday which was to introduce +the two Miss Pecksniffs to a full knowledge of Todgers's and its +society, the dinner was postponed until five, in order that everything +might be as genteel as the occasion demanded. + +When the hour drew nigh, Bailey junior, testifying great excitement, +appeared in a complete suit of cast-off clothes several sizes too large +for him, and in particular, mounted a clean shirt of such extraordinary +magnitude, that one of the gentlemen (remarkable for his ready wit) +called him 'collars' on the spot. At about a quarter before five, a +deputation, consisting of Mr Jinkins, and another gentleman, whose +name was Gander, knocked at the door of Mrs Todgers's room, and, being +formally introduced to the two Miss Pecksniffs by their parent who was +in waiting, besought the honour of conducting them upstairs. + +The drawing-room at Todgers's was out of the common style; so much so +indeed, that you would hardly have taken it to be a drawingroom, unless +you were told so by somebody who was in the secret. It was floor-clothed +all over; and the ceiling, including a great beam in the middle, +was papered. Besides the three little windows, with seats in them, +commanding the opposite archway, there was another window looking point +blank, without any compromise at all about it into Jinkins's bedroom; +and high up, all along one side of the wall was a strip of panes of +glass, two-deep, giving light to the staircase. There were the oddest +closets possible, with little casements in them like eight-day clocks, +lurking in the wainscot and taking the shape of the stairs; and the very +door itself (which was painted black) had two great glass eyes in its +forehead, with an inquisitive green pupil in the middle of each. + +Here the gentlemen were all assembled. There was a general cry of 'Hear, +hear!' and 'Bravo Jink!' when Mr Jinkins appeared with Charity on his +arm; which became quite rapturous as Mr Gander followed, escorting +Mercy, and Mr Pecksniff brought up the rear with Mrs Todgers. + +Then the presentations took place. They included a gentleman of a +sporting turn, who propounded questions on jockey subjects to the +editors of Sunday papers, which were regarded by his friends as rather +stiff things to answer; and they included a gentleman of a theatrical +turn, who had once entertained serious thoughts of 'coming out,' but +had been kept in by the wickedness of human nature; and they included +a gentleman of a debating turn, who was strong at speech-making; and a +gentleman of a literary turn, who wrote squibs upon the rest, and +knew the weak side of everybody's character but his own. There was a +gentleman of a vocal turn, and a gentleman of a smoking turn, and a +gentleman of a convivial turn; some of the gentlemen had a turn for +whist, and a large proportion of the gentlemen had a strong turn for +billiards and betting. They had all, it may be presumed, a turn for +business; being all commercially employed in one way or other; and +had, every one in his own way, a decided turn for pleasure to boot. Mr +Jinkins was of a fashionable turn; being a regular frequenter of the +Parks on Sundays, and knowing a great many carriages by sight. He spoke +mysteriously, too, of splendid women, and was suspected of having once +committed himself with a Countess. Mr Gander was of a witty turn being +indeed the gentleman who had originated the sally about 'collars;' which +sparkling pleasantry was now retailed from mouth to mouth, under the +title of Gander's Last, and was received in all parts of the room with +great applause. Mr Jinkins it may be added, was much the oldest of +the party; being a fish-salesman's book-keeper, aged forty. He was the +oldest boarder also; and in right of his double seniority, took the lead +in the house, as Mrs Todgers had already said. + +There was considerable delay in the production of dinner, and poor Mrs +Todgers, being reproached in confidence by Jinkins, slipped in and out, +at least twenty times to see about it; always coming back as though she +had no such thing upon her mind, and hadn't been out at all. But there +was no hitch in the conversation nevertheless; for one gentleman, who +travelled in the perfumery line, exhibited an interesting nick-nack, +in the way of a remarkable cake of shaving soap which he had lately +met with in Germany; and the gentleman of a literary turn repeated (by +desire) some sarcastic stanzas he had recently produced on the freezing +of the tank at the back of the house. These amusements, with the +miscellaneous conversation arising out of them, passed the time +splendidly, until dinner was announced by Bailey junior in these terms: + +'The wittles is up!' + +On which notice they immediately descended to the banquet-hall; some of +the more facetious spirits in the rear taking down gentlemen as if they +were ladies, in imitation of the fortunate possessors of the two Miss +Pecksniffs. + +Mr Pecksniff said grace--a short and pious grace, involving a blessing +on the appetites of those present, and committing all persons who had +nothing to eat, to the care of Providence; whose business (so said the +grace, in effect) it clearly was, to look after them. This done, they +fell to with less ceremony than appetite; the table groaning beneath the +weight, not only of the delicacies whereof the Miss Pecksniffs had been +previously forewarned, but of boiled beef, roast veal, bacon, pies +and abundance of such heavy vegetables as are favourably known to +housekeepers for their satisfying qualities. Besides which, there were +bottles of stout, bottles of wine, bottles of ale, and divers other +strong drinks, native and foreign. + +All this was highly agreeable to the two Miss Pecksniffs, who were in +immense request; sitting one on either hand of Mr Jinkins at the bottom +of the table; and who were called upon to take wine with some new +admirer every minute. They had hardly ever felt so pleasant, and so full +of conversation, in their lives; Mercy, in particular, was uncommonly +brilliant, and said so many good things in the way of lively repartee +that she was looked upon as a prodigy. 'In short,' as that young lady +observed, 'they felt now, indeed, that they were in London, and for the +first time too.' + +Their young friend Bailey sympathized in these feelings to the +fullest extent, and, abating nothing of his patronage, gave them every +encouragement in his power; favouring them, when the general attention +was diverted from his proceedings, with many nods and winks and other +tokens of recognition, and occasionally touching his nose with a +corkscrew, as if to express the Bacchanalian character of the meeting. +In truth, perhaps even the spirits of the two Miss Pecksniffs, and the +hungry watchfulness of Mrs Todgers, were less worthy of note than the +proceedings of this remarkable boy, whom nothing disconcerted or put out +of his way. If any piece of crockery, a dish or otherwise, chanced to +slip through his hands (which happened once or twice), he let it go with +perfect good breeding, and never added to the painful emotions of the +company by exhibiting the least regret. Nor did he, by hurrying to and +fro, disturb the repose of the assembly, as many well-trained servants +do; on the contrary, feeling the hopelessness of waiting upon so large a +party, he left the gentlemen to help themselves to what they wanted, and +seldom stirred from behind Mr Jinkins's chair, where, with his hands +in his pockets, and his legs planted pretty wide apart, he led the +laughter, and enjoyed the conversation. + +The dessert was splendid. No waiting either. The pudding-plates had been +washed in a little tub outside the door while cheese was on, and though +they were moist and warm with friction, still there they were again, +up to the mark, and true to time. Quarts of almonds; dozens of oranges; +pounds of raisins; stacks of biffins; soup-plates full of nuts.--Oh, +Todgers's could do it when it chose! mind that. + +Then more wine came on; red wines and white wines; and a large china +bowl of punch, brewed by the gentleman of a convivial turn, who adjured +the Miss Pecksniffs not to be despondent on account of its dimensions, +as there were materials in the house for the decoction of half a dozen +more of the same size. Good gracious, how they laughed! How they coughed +when they sipped it, because it was so strong; and how they laughed +again when somebody vowed that but for its colour it might have been +mistaken, in regard of its innocuous qualities, for new milk! What a +shout of 'No!' burst from the gentlemen when they pathetically implored +Mr Jinkins to suffer them to qualify it with hot water; and how +blushingly, by little and little, did each of them drink her whole +glassful, down to its very dregs! + +Now comes the trying time. The sun, as Mr Jinkins says (gentlemanly +creature, Jinkins--never at a loss!), is about to leave the firmament. +'Miss Pecksniff!' says Mrs Todgers, softly, 'will you--?' 'Oh dear, no +more, Mrs Todgers.' Mrs Todgers rises; the two Miss Pecksniffs rise; all +rise. Miss Mercy Pecksniff looks downward for her scarf. Where is it? +Dear me, where CAN it be? Sweet girl, she has it on; not on her fair +neck, but loose upon her flowing figure. A dozen hands assist her. She +is all confusion. The youngest gentleman in company thirsts to murder +Jinkins. She skips and joins her sister at the door. Her sister has her +arm about the waist of Mrs Todgers. She winds her arm around her sister. +Diana, what a picture! The last things visible are a shape and a skip. +'Gentlemen, let us drink the ladies!' + +The enthusiasm is tremendous. The gentleman of a debating turn rises in +the midst, and suddenly lets loose a tide of eloquence which bears down +everything before it. He is reminded of a toast--a toast to which they +will respond. There is an individual present; he has him in his eye; to +whom they owe a debt of gratitude. He repeats it--a debt of gratitude. +Their rugged natures have been softened and ameliorated that day, by +the society of lovely woman. There is a gentleman in company whom two +accomplished and delightful females regard with veneration, as the +fountain of their existence. Yes, when yet the two Miss Pecksniffs +lisped in language scarce intelligible, they called that individual +'Father!' There is great applause. He gives them 'Mr Pecksniff, and God +bless him!' They all shake hands with Mr Pecksniff, as they drink the +toast. The youngest gentleman in company does so with a thrill; for he +feels that a mysterious influence pervades the man who claims that being +in the pink scarf for his daughter. + +What saith Mr Pecksniff in reply? Or rather let the question be, What +leaves he unsaid? Nothing. More punch is called for, and produced, and +drunk. Enthusiasm mounts still higher. Every man comes out freely in +his own character. The gentleman of a theatrical turn recites. The vocal +gentleman regales them with a song. Gander leaves the Gander of all +former feasts whole leagues behind. HE rises to propose a toast. It is, +The Father of Todgers's. It is their common friend Jink--it is old +Jink, if he may call him by that familiar and endearing appellation. The +youngest gentleman in company utters a frantic negative. He won't +have it--he can't bear it--it mustn't be. But his depth of feeling is +misunderstood. He is supposed to be a little elevated; and nobody heeds +him. + +Mr Jinkins thanks them from his heart. It is, by many degrees, the +proudest day in his humble career. When he looks around him on the +present occasion, he feels that he wants words in which to express +his gratitude. One thing he will say. He hopes it has been shown that +Todgers's can be true to itself; and that, an opportunity arising, it +can come out quite as strong as its neighbours--perhaps stronger. He +reminds them, amidst thunders of encouragement, that they have heard of +a somewhat similar establishment in Cannon Street; and that they have +heard it praised. He wishes to draw no invidious comparisons; he would +be the last man to do it; but when that Cannon Street establishment +shall be able to produce such a combination of wit and beauty as has +graced that board that day, and shall be able to serve up (all things +considered) such a dinner as that of which they have just partaken, he +will be happy to talk to it. Until then, gentlemen, he will stick to +Todgers's. + +More punch, more enthusiasm, more speeches. Everybody's health is drunk, +saving the youngest gentleman's in company. He sits apart, with his +elbow on the back of a vacant chair, and glares disdainfully at Jinkins. +Gander, in a convulsing speech, gives them the health of Bailey junior; +hiccups are heard; and a glass is broken. Mr Jinkins feels that it is +time to join the ladies. He proposes, as a final sentiment, Mrs Todgers. +She is worthy to be remembered separately. Hear, hear. So she is; no +doubt of it. They all find fault with her at other times; but every man +feels now, that he could die in her defence. + +They go upstairs, where they are not expected so soon; for Mrs Todgers +is asleep, Miss Charity is adjusting her hair, and Mercy, who has made +a sofa of one of the window-seats is in a gracefully recumbent attitude. +She is rising hastily, when Mr Jinkins implores her, for all their +sakes, not to stir; she looks too graceful and too lovely, he remarks, +to be disturbed. She laughs, and yields, and fans herself, and drops +her fan, and there is a rush to pick it up. Being now installed, by one +consent, as the beauty of the party, she is cruel and capricious, and +sends gentlemen on messages to other gentlemen, and forgets all about +them before they can return with the answer, and invents a thousand +tortures, rending their hearts to pieces. Bailey brings up the tea and +coffee. There is a small cluster of admirers round Charity; but they +are only those who cannot get near her sister. The youngest gentleman +in company is pale, but collected, and still sits apart; for his spirit +loves to hold communion with itself, and his soul recoils from noisy +revellers. She has a consciousness of his presence and adoration. +He sees it flashing sometimes in the corner of her eye. Have a care, +Jinkins, ere you provoke a desperate man to frenzy! + +Mr Pecksniff had followed his younger friends upstairs, and taken a +chair at the side of Mrs Todgers. He had also spilt a cup of coffee over +his legs without appearing to be aware of the circumstance; nor did he +seem to know that there was muffin on his knee. + +'And how have they used you downstairs, sir?' asked the hostess. + +'Their conduct has been such, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'as I +can never think of without emotion, or remember without a tear. Oh, Mrs +Todgers!' + +'My goodness!' exclaimed that lady. 'How low you are in your spirits, +sir!' + +'I am a man, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears and +speaking with an imperfect articulation, 'but I am also a father. I +am also a widower. My feelings, Mrs Todgers, will not consent to be +entirely smothered, like the young children in the Tower. They are grown +up, and the more I press the bolster on them, the more they look round +the corner of it.' + +He suddenly became conscious of the bit of muffin, and stared at it +intently; shaking his head the while, in a forlorn and imbecile manner, +as if he regarded it as his evil genius, and mildly reproached it. + +'She was beautiful, Mrs Todgers,' he said, turning his glazed eye +again upon her, without the least preliminary notice. 'She had a small +property.' + +'So I have heard,' cried Mrs Todgers with great sympathy. + +'Those are her daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, pointing out the young +ladies, with increased emotion. + +Mrs Todgers had no doubt about it. + +'Mercy and Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Charity and Mercy. Not unholy +names, I hope?' + +'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'What a ghastly smile! Are you ill, +sir?' + +He pressed his hand upon her arm, and answered in a solemn manner, and a +faint voice, 'Chronic.' + +'Cholic?' cried the frightened Mrs Todgers. + +'Chron-ic,' he repeated with some difficulty. 'Chron-ic. A chronic +disorder. I have been its victim from childhood. It is carrying me to my +grave.' + +'Heaven forbid!' cried Mrs Todgers. + +'Yes, it is,' said Mr Pecksniff, reckless with despair. 'I am rather +glad of it, upon the whole. You are like her, Mrs Todgers.' + +'Don't squeeze me so tight, pray, Mr Pecksniff. If any of the gentlemen +should notice us.' + +'For her sake,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Permit me--in honour of her memory. +For the sake of a voice from the tomb. You are VERY like her Mrs +Todgers! What a world this is!' + +'Ah! Indeed you may say that!' cried Mrs Todgers. + +'I'm afraid it is a vain and thoughtless world,' said Mr Pecksniff, +overflowing with despondency. 'These young people about us. Oh! what +sense have they of their responsibilities? None. Give me your other +hand, Mrs Todgers.' + +The lady hesitated, and said 'she didn't like.' + +'Has a voice from the grave no influence?' said Mr Pecksniff, with, +dismal tenderness. 'This is irreligious! My dear creature.' + +'Hush!' urged Mrs Todgers. 'Really you mustn't.' + +'It's not me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't suppose it's me; it's the +voice; it's her voice.' + +Mrs Pecksniff deceased, must have had an unusually thick and husky voice +for a lady, and rather a stuttering voice, and to say the truth somewhat +of a drunken voice, if it had ever borne much resemblance to that in +which Mr Pecksniff spoke just then. But perhaps this was delusion on his +part. + +'It has been a day of enjoyment, Mrs Todgers, but still it has been a +day of torture. It has reminded me of my loneliness. What am I in the +world?' + +'An excellent gentleman, Mr Pecksniff,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'There is consolation in that too,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Am I?' + +'There is no better man living,' said Mrs Todgers, 'I am sure.' + +Mr Pecksniff smiled through his tears, and slightly shook his head. 'You +are very good,' he said, 'thank you. It is a great happiness to me, Mrs +Todgers, to make young people happy. The happiness of my pupils is my +chief object. I dote upon 'em. They dote upon me too--sometimes.' + +'Always,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'When they say they haven't improved, ma'am,' whispered Mr Pecksniff, +looking at her with profound mystery, and motioning to her to advance +her ear a little closer to his mouth. 'When they say they haven't +improved, ma'am, and the premium was too high, they lie! I shouldn't +wish it to be mentioned; you will understand me; but I say to you as to +an old friend, they lie.' + +'Base wretches they must be!' said Mrs Todgers. + +'Madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you are right. I respect you for that +observation. A word in your ear. To Parents and Guardians. This is in +confidence, Mrs Todgers?' + +'The strictest, of course!' cried that lady. + +'To Parents and Guardians,' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'An eligible +opportunity now offers, which unites the advantages of the best +practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and the +constant association with some, who, however humble their sphere and +limited their capacity--observe!--are not unmindful of their moral +responsibilities.' + +Mrs Todgers looked a little puzzled to know what this might mean, as +well she might; for it was, as the reader may perchance remember, Mr +Pecksniff's usual form of advertisement when he wanted a pupil; and +seemed to have no particular reference, at present, to anything. But Mr +Pecksniff held up his finger as a caution to her not to interrupt him. + +'Do you know any parent or guardian, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr Pecksniff, +'who desires to avail himself of such an opportunity for a young +gentleman? An orphan would be preferred. Do you know of any orphan with +three or four hundred pound?' + +Mrs Todgers reflected, and shook her head. + +'When you hear of an orphan with three or four hundred pound,' said Mr +Pecksniff, 'let that dear orphan's friends apply, by letter post-paid, +to S. P., Post Office, Salisbury. I don't know who he is exactly. Don't +be alarmed, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr Pecksniff, falling heavily against +her; 'Chronic--chronic! Let's have a little drop of something to drink.' + +'Bless my life, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried Mrs Todgers, aloud, 'your dear +pa's took very poorly!' + +Mr Pecksniff straightened himself by a surprising effort, as every +one turned hastily towards him; and standing on his feet, regarded the +assembly with a look of ineffable wisdom. Gradually it gave place to +a smile; a feeble, helpless, melancholy smile; bland, almost to +sickliness. 'Do not repine, my friends,' said Mr Pecksniff, tenderly. +'Do not weep for me. It is chronic.' And with these words, after making +a futile attempt to pull off his shoes, he fell into the fireplace. + +The youngest gentleman in company had him out in a second. Yes, before a +hair upon his head was singed, he had him on the hearth-rug--her father! + +She was almost beside herself. So was her sister. Jinkins consoled them +both. They all consoled them. Everybody had something to say, except the +youngest gentleman in company, who with a noble self-devotion did the +heavy work, and held up Mr Pecksniff's head without being taken notice +of by anybody. At last they gathered round, and agreed to carry him +upstairs to bed. The youngest gentleman in company was rebuked by +Jinkins for tearing Mr Pecksniff's coat! Ha, ha! But no matter. + +They carried him upstairs, and crushed the youngest gentleman at every +step. His bedroom was at the top of the house, and it was a long way; +but they got him there in course of time. He asked them frequently +on the road for a little drop of something to drink. It seemed an +idiosyncrasy. The youngest gentleman in company proposed a draught of +water. Mr Pecksniff called him opprobious names for the suggestion. + +Jinkins and Gander took the rest upon themselves, and made him as +comfortable as they could, on the outside of his bed; and when he seemed +disposed to sleep, they left him. But before they had all gained the +bottom of the staircase, a vision of Mr Pecksniff, strangely attired, +was seen to flutter on the top landing. He desired to collect their +sentiments, it seemed, upon the nature of human life. + +'My friends,' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking over the banisters, 'let us +improve our minds by mutual inquiry and discussion. Let us be moral. Let +us contemplate existence. Where is Jinkins?' + +'Here,' cried that gentleman. 'Go to bed again' + +'To bed!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Bed! 'Tis the voice of the sluggard, I +hear him complain, you have woke me too soon, I must slumber again. If +any young orphan will repeat the remainder of that simple piece from +Doctor Watts's collection, an eligible opportunity now offers.' + +Nobody volunteered. + +'This is very soothing,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a pause. 'Extremely +so. Cool and refreshing; particularly to the legs! The legs of the +human subject, my friends, are a beautiful production. Compare them with +wooden legs, and observe the difference between the anatomy of nature +and the anatomy of art. Do you know,' said Mr Pecksniff, leaning over +the banisters, with an odd recollection of his familiar manner among +new pupils at home, 'that I should very much like to see Mrs Todgers's +notion of a wooden leg, if perfectly agreeable to herself!' + +As it appeared impossible to entertain any reasonable hopes of him after +this speech, Mr Jinkins and Mr Gander went upstairs again, and once more +got him into bed. But they had not descended to the second floor before +he was out again; nor, when they had repeated the process, had they +descended the first flight, before he was out again. In a word, as often +as he was shut up in his own room, he darted out afresh, charged +with some new moral sentiment, which he continually repeated over the +banisters, with extraordinary relish, and an irrepressible desire for +the improvement of his fellow creatures that nothing could subdue. + +Under these circumstances, when they had got him into bed for the +thirtieth time or so, Mr Jinkins held him, while his companion went +downstairs in search of Bailey junior, with whom he presently returned. +That youth having been apprised of the service required of him, was in +great spirits, and brought up a stool, a candle, and his supper; to the +end that he might keep watch outside the bedroom door with tolerable +comfort. + +When he had completed his arrangements, they locked Mr Pecksniff in, +and left the key on the outside; charging the young page to listen +attentively for symptoms of an apoplectic nature, with which the patient +might be troubled, and, in case of any such presenting themselves, to +summon them without delay. To which Mr Bailey modestly replied that +'he hoped he knowed wot o'clock it wos in gineral, and didn't date his +letters to his friends from Todgers's for nothing.' + + + +CHAPTER TEN + +CONTAINING STRANGE MATTER, ON WHICH MANY EVENTS IN THIS HISTORY MAY, FOR +THEIR GOOD OR EVIL INFLUENCE, CHIEFLY DEPEND + + +But Mr Pecksniff came to town on business. Had he forgotten that? Was he +always taking his pleasure with Todgers's jovial brood, unmindful of the +serious demands, whatever they might be, upon his calm consideration? +No. + +Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men have to +wait for time and tide. That tide which, taken at the flood, would lead +Seth Pecksniff on to fortune, was marked down in the table, and about to +flow. No idle Pecksniff lingered far inland, unmindful of the changes +of the stream; but there, upon the water's edge, over his shoes already, +stood the worthy creature, prepared to wallow in the very mud, so that +it slid towards the quarter of his hope. + +The trustfulness of his two fair daughters was beautiful indeed. They +had that firm reliance on their parent's nature, which taught them to +feel certain that in all he did he had his purpose straight and full +before him. And that its noble end and object was himself, which almost +of necessity included them, they knew. The devotion of these maids was +perfect. + +Their filial confidence was rendered the more touching, by their having +no knowledge of their parent's real designs, in the present instance. +All that they knew of his proceedings was, that every morning, after +the early breakfast, he repaired to the post office and inquired for +letters. That task performed, his business for the day was over; and he +again relaxed, until the rising of another sun proclaimed the advent of +another post. + +This went on for four or five days. At length, one morning, Mr Pecksniff +returned with a breathless rapidity, strange to observe in him, at other +times so calm; and, seeking immediate speech with his daughters, shut +himself up with them in private conference for two whole hours. Of all +that passed in this period, only the following words of Mr Pecksniff's +utterance are known: + +'How he has come to change so very much (if it should turn out as I +expect, that he has), we needn't stop to inquire. My dears, I have my +thoughts upon the subject, but I will not impart them. It is enough +that we will not be proud, resentful, or unforgiving. If he wants our +friendship he shall have it. We know our duty, I hope!' + +That same day at noon, an old gentleman alighted from a hackney-coach at +the post-office, and, giving his name, inquired for a letter addressed +to himself, and directed to be left till called for. It had been lying +there some days. The superscription was in Mr Pecksniff's hand, and it +was sealed with Mr Pecksniff's seal. + +It was very short, containing indeed nothing more than an address +'with Mr Pecksniff's respectful, and (not withstanding what has +passed) sincerely affectionate regards.' The old gentleman tore off the +direction--scattering the rest in fragments to the winds--and giving +it to the coachman, bade him drive as near that place as he could. In +pursuance of these instructions he was driven to the Monument; where he +again alighted, and dismissed the vehicle, and walked towards Todgers's. + +Though the face, and form, and gait of this old man, and even his +grip of the stout stick on which he leaned, were all expressive of a +resolution not easily shaken, and a purpose (it matters little whether +right or wrong, just now) such as in other days might have survived +the rack, and had its strongest life in weakest death; still there were +grains of hesitation in his mind, which made him now avoid the house he +sought, and loiter to and fro in a gleam of sunlight, that brightened +the little churchyard hard by. There may have been, in the presence of +those idle heaps of dust among the busiest stir of life, something to +increase his wavering; but there he walked, awakening the echoes as he +paced up and down, until the church clock, striking the quarters for +the second time since he had been there, roused him from his meditation. +Shaking off his incertitude as the air parted with the sound of the +bells, he walked rapidly to the house, and knocked at the door. + +Mr Pecksniff was seated in the landlady's little room, and his visitor +found him reading--by an accident; he apologised for it--an excellent +theological work. There were cake and wine upon a little table--by +another accident, for which he also apologised. Indeed he said, he +had given his visitor up, and was about to partake of that simple +refreshment with his children, when he knocked at the door. + +'Your daughters are well?' said old Martin, laying down his hat and +stick. + +Mr Pecksniff endeavoured to conceal his agitation as a father when he +answered Yes, they were. They were good girls, he said, very good. He +would not venture to recommend Mr Chuzzlewit to take the easy-chair, +or to keep out of the draught from the door. If he made any such +suggestion, he would expose himself, he feared, to most unjust +suspicion. He would, therefore, content himself with remarking that +there was an easy-chair in the room, and that the door was far from +being air-tight. This latter imperfection, he might perhaps venture to +add, was not uncommonly to be met with in old houses. + +The old man sat down in the easy-chair, and after a few moments' +silence, said: + +'In the first place, let me thank you for coming to London so promptly, +at my almost unexplained request; I need scarcely add, at my cost.' + +'At YOUR cost, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of great +surprise. + +'It is not,' said Martin, waving his hand impatiently, 'my habit to put +my--well! my relatives--to any personal expense to gratify my caprices.' + +'Caprices, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff + +'That is scarcely the proper word either, in this instance,' said the +old man. 'No. You are right.' + +Mr Pecksniff was inwardly very much relieved to hear it, though he +didn't at all know why. + +'You are right,' repeated Martin. 'It is not a caprice. It is built up +on reason, proof, and cool comparison. Caprices never are. Moreover, I +am not a capricious man. I never was.' + +'Most assuredly not,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'How do you know?' returned the other quickly. 'You are to begin to know +it now. You are to test and prove it, in time to come. You and yours are +to find that I can be constant, and am not to be diverted from my end. +Do you hear?' + +'Perfectly,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'I very much regret,' Martin resumed, looking steadily at him, and +speaking in a slow and measured tone; 'I very much regret that you and +I held such a conversation together, as that which passed between us at +our last meeting. I very much regret that I laid open to you what were +then my thoughts of you, so freely as I did. The intentions that I bear +towards you now are of another kind; deserted by all in whom I have ever +trusted; hoodwinked and beset by all who should help and sustain me; +I fly to you for refuge. I confide in you to be my ally; to attach +yourself to me by ties of Interest and Expectation'--he laid great +stress upon these words, though Mr Pecksniff particularly begged him +not to mention it; 'and to help me to visit the consequences of the very +worst species of meanness, dissimulation, and subtlety, on the right +heads.' + +'My noble sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, catching at his outstretched hand. +'And YOU regret the having harboured unjust thoughts of me! YOU with +those grey hairs!' + +'Regrets,' said Martin, 'are the natural property of grey hairs; and +I enjoy, in common with all other men, at least my share of such +inheritance. And so enough of that. I regret having been severed from +you so long. If I had known you sooner, and sooner used you as you well +deserve, I might have been a happier man.' + +Mr Pecksniff looked up to the ceiling, and clasped his hands in rapture. + +'Your daughters,' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I don't know +them. Are they like you?' + +'In the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest, Mr Chuzzlewit,' +returned the widower, 'their sainted parent (not myself, their mother) +lives again.' + +'I don't mean in person,' said the old man. 'Morally, morally.' + +''Tis not for me to say,' retorted Mr Pecksniff with a gentle smile. 'I +have done my best, sir.' + +'I could wish to see them,' said Martin; 'are they near at hand?' + +They were, very near; for they had in fact been listening at the +door from the beginning of this conversation until now, when they +precipitately retired. Having wiped the signs of weakness from his eyes, +and so given them time to get upstairs, Mr Pecksniff opened the door, +and mildly cried in the passage, + +'My own darlings, where are you?' + +'Here, my dear pa!' replied the distant voice of Charity. + +'Come down into the back parlour, if you please, my love,' said Mr +Pecksniff, 'and bring your sister with you.' + +'Yes, my dear pa,' cried Merry; and down they came directly (being all +obedience), singing as they came. + +Nothing could exceed the astonishment of the two Miss Pecksniffs when +they found a stranger with their dear papa. Nothing could surpass their +mute amazement when he said, 'My children, Mr Chuzzlewit!' But when he +told them that Mr Chuzzlewit and he were friends, and that Mr Chuzzlewit +had said such kind and tender words as pierced his very heart, the two +Miss Pecksniffs cried with one accord, 'Thank Heaven for this!' and +fell upon the old man's neck. And when they had embraced him with +such fervour of affection that no words can describe it, they grouped +themselves about his chair, and hung over him, as figuring to themselves +no earthly joy like that of ministering to his wants, and crowding into +the remainder of his life, the love they would have diffused over their +whole existence, from infancy, if he--dear obdurate!--had but consented +to receive the precious offering. + +The old man looked attentively from one to the other, and then at Mr +Pecksniff, several times. + +'What,' he asked of Mr Pecksniff, happening to catch his eye in its +descent; for until now it had been piously upraised, with something of +that expression which the poetry of ages has attributed to a domestic +bird, when breathing its last amid the ravages of an electric storm: +'What are their names?' + +Mr Pecksniff told him, and added, rather hastily; his caluminators +would have said, with a view to any testamentary thoughts that might be +flitting through old Martin's mind; 'Perhaps, my dears, you had better +write them down. Your humble autographs are of no value in themselves, +but affection may prize them.' + +'Affection,' said the old man, 'will expend itself on the living +originals. Do not trouble yourselves, my girls, I shall not so easily +forget you, Charity and Mercy, as to need such tokens of remembrance. +Cousin!' + +'Sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, with alacrity. + +'Do you never sit down?' + +'Why--yes--occasionally, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, who had been standing +all this time. + +'Will you do so now?' + +'Can you ask me,' returned Mr Pecksniff, slipping into a chair +immediately, 'whether I will do anything that you desire?' + +'You talk confidently,' said Martin, 'and you mean well; but I fear you +don't know what an old man's humours are. You don't know what it is to +be required to court his likings and dislikings; to adapt yourself to +his prejudices; to do his bidding, be it what it may; to bear with his +distrusts and jealousies; and always still be zealous in his service. +When I remember how numerous these failings are in me, and judge of +their occasional enormity by the injurious thoughts I lately entertained +of you, I hardly dare to claim you for my friend.' + +'My worthy sir,' returned his relative, 'how CAN you talk in such a +painful strain! What was more natural than that you should make one +slight mistake, when in all other respects you were so very correct, and +have had such reason--such very sad and undeniable reason--to judge of +every one about you in the worst light!' + +'True,' replied the other. 'You are very lenient with me.' + +'We always said, my girls and I,' cried Mr Pecksniff with increasing +obsequiousness, 'that while we mourned the heaviness of our misfortune +in being confounded with the base and mercenary, still we could not +wonder at it. My dears, you remember?' + +Oh vividly! A thousand times! + +'We uttered no complaint,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Occasionally we had the +presumption to console ourselves with the remark that Truth would in +the end prevail, and Virtue be triumphant; but not often. My loves, you +recollect?' + +Recollect! Could he doubt it! Dearest pa, what strange unnecessary +questions! + +'And when I saw you,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, with still greater +deference, 'in the little, unassuming village where we take the liberty +of dwelling, I said you were mistaken in me, my dear sir; that was all, +I think?' + +'No--not all,' said Martin, who had been sitting with his hand upon his +brow for some time past, and now looked up again; 'you said much more, +which, added to other circumstances that have come to my knowledge, +opened my eyes. You spoke to me, disinterestedly, on behalf of--I +needn't name him. You know whom I mean.' + +Trouble was expressed in Mr Pecksniff's visage, as he pressed his hot +hands together, and replied, with humility, 'Quite disinterestedly, sir, +I assure you.' + +'I know it,' said old Martin, in his quiet way. 'I am sure of it. I said +so. It was disinterested too, in you, to draw that herd of harpies +off from me, and be their victim yourself; most other men would have +suffered them to display themselves in all their rapacity, and would +have striven to rise, by contrast, in my estimation. You felt for me, +and drew them off, for which I owe you many thanks. Although I left the +place, I know what passed behind my back, you see!' + +'You amaze me, sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff; which was true enough. + +'My knowledge of your proceedings,' said the old man, does not stop at +this. You have a new inmate in your house.' + +'Yes, sir,' rejoined the architect, 'I have.' + +'He must quit it' said Martin. + +'For--for yours?' asked Mr Pecksniff, with a quavering mildness. + +'For any shelter he can find,' the old man answered. 'He has deceived +you.' + +'I hope not' said Mr Pecksniff, eagerly. 'I trust not. I have been +extremely well disposed towards that young man. I hope it cannot be +shown that he has forfeited all claim to my protection. Deceit--deceit, +my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, would be final. I should hold myself bound, on +proof of deceit, to renounce him instantly.' + +The old man glanced at both his fair supporters, but especially at +Miss Mercy, whom, indeed, he looked full in the face, with a greater +demonstration of interest than had yet appeared in his features. His +gaze again encountered Mr Pecksniff, as he said, composedly: + +'Of course you know that he has made his matrimonial choice?' + +'Oh dear!' cried Mr Pecksniff, rubbing his hair up very stiff upon +his head, and staring wildly at his daughters. 'This is becoming +tremendous!' + +'You know the fact?' repeated Martin + +'Surely not without his grandfather's consent and approbation my dear +sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't tell me that. For the honour of human +nature, say you're not about to tell me that!' + +'I thought he had suppressed it,' said the old man. + +The indignation felt by Mr Pecksniff at this terrible disclosure, was +only to be equalled by the kindling anger of his daughters. What! Had +they taken to their hearth and home a secretly contracted serpent; a +crocodile, who had made a furtive offer of his hand; an imposition on +society; a bankrupt bachelor with no effects, trading with the spinster +world on false pretences! And oh, to think that he should have disobeyed +and practised on that sweet, that venerable gentleman, whose name +he bore; that kind and tender guardian; his more than father--to say +nothing at all of mother--horrible, horrible! To turn him out with +ignominy would be treatment much too good. Was there nothing else that +could be done to him? Had he incurred no legal pains and penalties? +Could it be that the statutes of the land were so remiss as to have +affixed no punishment to such delinquency? Monster; how basely had they +been deceived! + +'I am glad to find you second me so warmly,' said the old man holding up +his hand to stay the torrent of their wrath. 'I will not deny that it +is a pleasure to me to find you so full of zeal. We will consider that +topic as disposed of.' + +'No, my dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'not as disposed of, until I have +purged my house of this pollution.' + +'That will follow,' said the old man, 'in its own time. I look upon that +as done.' + +'You are very good, sir,' answered Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand. 'You +do me honour. You MAY look upon it as done, I assure you.' + +'There is another topic,' said Martin, 'on which I hope you will assist +me. You remember Mary, cousin?' + +'The young lady that I mentioned to you, my dears, as having interested +me so very much,' remarked Mr Pecksniff. 'Excuse my interrupting you, +sir.' + +'I told you her history?' said the old man. + +'Which I also mentioned, you will recollect, my dears,' cried Mr +Pecksniff. 'Silly girls, Mr Chuzzlewit--quite moved by it, they were!' + +'Why, look now!' said Martin, evidently pleased; 'I feared I should have +had to urge her case upon you, and ask you to regard her favourably for +my sake. But I find you have no jealousies! Well! You have no cause +for any, to be sure. She has nothing to gain from me, my dears, and she +knows it.' + +The two Miss Pecksniffs murmured their approval of this wise +arrangement, and their cordial sympathy with its interesting object. + +'If I could have anticipated what has come to pass between us four,' +said the old man thoughfully; 'but it is too late to think of that. You +would receive her courteously, young ladies, and be kind to her, if need +were?' + +Where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pecksniffs would not have +cherished in their sisterly bosom! But when that orphan was commended to +their care by one on whom the dammed-up love of years was gushing forth, +what exhaustless stores of pure affection yearned to expend themselves +upon her! + +An interval ensued, during which Mr Chuzzlewit, in an absent frame of +mind, sat gazing at the ground, without uttering a word; and as it was +plain that he had no desire to be interrupted in his meditations, Mr +Pecksniff and his daughters were profoundly silent also. During the +whole of the foregoing dialogue, he had borne his part with a cold, +passionless promptitude, as though he had learned and painfully +rehearsed it all a hundred times. Even when his expressions were warmest +and his language most encouraging, he had retained the same manner, +without the least abatement. But now there was a keener brightness in +his eye, and more expression in his voice, as he said, awakening from +his thoughtful mood: + +'You know what will be said of this? Have you reflected?' + +'Said of what, my dear sir?' Mr Pecksniff asked. + +'Of this new understanding between us.' + +Mr Pecksniff looked benevolently sagacious, and at the same time far +above all earthly misconstruction, as he shook his head, and observed +that a great many things would be said of it, no doubt. + +'A great many,' rejoined the old man. 'Some will say that I dote in my +old age; that illness has shaken me; that I have lost all strength of +mind, and have grown childish. You can bear that?' + +Mr Pecksniff answered that it would be dreadfully hard to bear, but he +thought he could, if he made a great effort. + +'Others will say--I speak of disappointed, angry people only--that you +have lied and fawned, and wormed yourself through dirty ways into my +favour; by such concessions and such crooked deeds, such meannesses and +vile endurances, as nothing could repay; no, not the legacy of half the +world we live in. You can bear that?' + +Mr Pecksniff made reply that this would be also very hard to bear, as +reflecting, in some degree, on the discernment of Mr Chuzzlewit. Still +he had a modest confidence that he could sustain the calumny, with the +help of a good conscience, and that gentleman's friendship. + +'With the great mass of slanderers,' said old Martin, leaning back in +his chair, 'the tale, as I clearly foresee, will run thus: That to mark +my contempt for the rabble whom I despised, I chose from among them the +very worst, and made him do my will, and pampered and enriched him at +the cost of all the rest. That, after casting about for the means of a +punishment which should rankle in the bosoms of these kites the most, +and strike into their gall, I devised this scheme at a time when the +last link in the chain of grateful love and duty, that held me to +my race, was roughly snapped asunder; roughly, for I loved him well; +roughly, for I had ever put my trust in his affection; roughly, for that +he broke it when I loved him most--God help me!--and he without a pang +could throw me off, while I clung about his heart! Now,' said the old +man, dismissing this passionate outburst as suddenly as he had yielded +to it, 'is your mind made up to bear this likewise? Lay your account +with having it to bear, and put no trust in being set right by me.' + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' cried Pecksniff in an ecstasy, 'for such a man +as you have shown yourself to be this day; for a man so injured, yet so +very humane; for a man so--I am at a loss what precise term to use--yet +at the same time so remarkably--I don't know how to express my meaning; +for such a man as I have described, I hope it is no presumption to say +that I, and I am sure I may add my children also (my dears, we perfectly +agree in this, I think?), would bear anything whatever!' + +'Enough,' said Martin. 'You can charge no consequences on me. When do +you retire home?' + +'Whenever you please, my dear sir. To-night if you desire it.' + +'I desire nothing,' returned the old man, 'that is unreasonable. Such a +request would be. Will you be ready to return at the end of this week?' + +The very time of all others that Mr Pecksniff would have suggested if +it had been left to him to make his own choice. As to his daughters--the +words, 'Let us be at home on Saturday, dear pa,' were actually upon +their lips. + +'Your expenses, cousin,' said Martin, taking a folded slip of paper from +his pocketbook, 'may possibly exceed that amount. If so, let me know the +balance that I owe you, when we next meet. It would be useless if I told +you where I live just now; indeed, I have no fixed abode. When I have, +you shall know it. You and your daughters may expect to see me +before long; in the meantime I need not tell you that we keep our own +confidence. What you will do when you get home is understood between us. +Give me no account of it at any time; and never refer to it in any way. +I ask that as a favour. I am commonly a man of few words, cousin; and +all that need be said just now is said, I think.' + +'One glass of wine--one morsel of this homely cake?' cried Mr Pecksniff, +venturing to detain him. 'My dears--!' + +The sisters flew to wait upon him. + +'Poor girls!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You will excuse their agitation, my +dear sir. They are made up of feeling. A bad commodity to go through the +world with, Mr Chuzzlewit! My youngest daughter is almost as much of a +woman as my eldest, is she not, sir?' + +'Which IS the youngest?' asked the old man. + +'Mercy, by five years,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'We sometimes venture to +consider her rather a fine figure, sir. Speaking as an artist, I +may perhaps be permitted to suggest that its outline is graceful and +correct. I am naturally,' said Mr Pecksniff, drying his hands upon his +handkerchief, and looking anxiously in his cousin's face at almost every +word, 'proud, if I may use the expression, to have a daughter who is +constructed on the best models.' + +'She seems to have a lively disposition,' observed Martin. + +'Dear me!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'That is quite remarkable. You have +defined her character, my dear sir, as correctly as if you had known her +from her birth. She HAS a lively disposition. I assure you, my dear sir, +that in our unpretending home her gaiety is delightful.' + +'No doubt,' returned the old man. + +'Charity, upon the other hand,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is remarkable for +strong sense, and for rather a deep tone of sentiment, if the partiality +of a father may be excused in saying so. A wonderful affection between +them, my dear sir! Allow me to drink your health. Bless you!' + +'I little thought,' retorted Martin, 'but a month ago, that I should be +breaking bread and pouring wine with you. I drink to you.' + +Not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these +latter words were spoken, Mr Pecksniff thanked him devoutly. + +'Now let me go,' said Martin, putting down the wine when he had merely +touched it with his lips. 'My dears, good morning!' + +But this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for the +yearnings of the young ladies, who again embraced him with all their +hearts--with all their arms at any rate--to which parting caresses their +new-found friend submitted with a better grace than might have been +expected from one who, not a moment before, had pledged their parent in +such a very uncomfortable manner. These endearments terminated, he took +a hasty leave of Mr Pecksniff and withdrew, followed to the door by both +father and daughters, who stood there kissing their hands and beaming +with affection until he disappeared; though, by the way, he never once +looked back, after he had crossed the threshold. + +When they returned into the house, and were again alone in Mrs Todgers's +room, the two young ladies exhibited an unusual amount of gaiety; +insomuch that they clapped their hands, and laughed, and looked with +roguish aspects and a bantering air upon their dear papa. This conduct +was so very unaccountable, that Mr Pecksniff (being singularly grave +himself) could scarcely choose but ask them what it meant; and took them +to task, in his gentle manner, for yielding to such light emotions. + +'If it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment, even the +most remote,' he said, 'I should not reprove you. But when you can have +none whatever--oh, really, really!' + +This admonition had so little effect on Mercy, that she was obliged to +hold her handkerchief before her rosy lips, and to throw herself back in +her chair, with every demonstration of extreme amusement; which want +of duty so offended Mr Pecksniff that he reproved her in set terms, +and gave her his parental advice to correct herself in solitude and +contemplation. But at that juncture they were disturbed by the sound of +voices in dispute; and as it proceeded from the next room, the subject +matter of the altercation quickly reached their ears. + +'I don't care that! Mrs Todgers,' said the young gentleman who had been +the youngest gentleman in company on the day of the festival; 'I don't +care THAT, ma'am,' said he, snapping his fingers, 'for Jinkins. Don't +suppose I do.' + +'I am quite certain you don't, sir,' replied Mrs Todgers. 'You have +too independent a spirit, I know, to yield to anybody. And quite right. +There is no reason why you should give way to any gentleman. Everybody +must be well aware of that.' + +'I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow,' said the +youngest gentleman, in a desperate voice, 'than if he was a bulldog.' + +Mrs Todgers did not stop to inquire whether, as a matter of principle, +there was any particular reason for admitting daylight even into a +bulldog, otherwise than by the natural channel of his eyes, but she +seemed to wring her hands, and she moaned. + +'Let him be careful,' said the youngest gentleman. 'I give him warning. +No man shall step between me and the current of my vengeance. I know +a Cove--' he used that familiar epithet in his agitation but corrected +himself by adding, 'a gentleman of property, I mean--who practices with +a pair of pistols (fellows too) of his own. If I am driven to borrow +'em, and to send at friend to Jinkins, a tragedy will get into the +papers. That's all.' + +Again Mrs Todgers moaned. + +'I have borne this long enough,' said the youngest gentleman but now +my soul rebels against it, and I won't stand it any longer. I left home +originally, because I had that within me which wouldn't be domineered +over by a sister; and do you think I'm going to be put down by HIM? No.' + +'It is very wrong in Mr Jinkins; I know it is perfectly inexcusable in +Mr Jinkins, if he intends it,' observed Mrs Todgers + +'If he intends it!' cried the youngest gentleman. 'Don't he interrupt +and contradict me on every occasion? Does he ever fail to interpose +himself between me and anything or anybody that he sees I have set my +mind upon? Does he make a point of always pretending to forget me, +when he's pouring out the beer? Does he make bragging remarks about his +razors, and insulting allusions to people who have no necessity to shave +more than once a week? But let him look out! He'll find himself shaved, +pretty close, before long, and so I tell him.' + +The young gentleman was mistaken in this closing sentence, inasmuch as +he never told it to Jinkins, but always to Mrs Todgers. + +'However,' he said, 'these are not proper subjects for ladies' ears. +All I've got to say to you, Mrs Todgers, is, a week's notice from next +Saturday. The same house can't contain that miscreant and me any longer. +If we get over the intermediate time without bloodshed, you may think +yourself pretty fortunate. I don't myself expect we shall.' + +'Dear, dear!' cried Mrs Todgers, 'what would I have given to have +prevented this? To lose you, sir, would be like losing the house's +right-hand. So popular as you are among the gentlemen; so generally +looked up to; and so much liked! I do hope you'll think better of it; if +on nobody else's account, on mine.' + +'There's Jinkins,' said the youngest gentleman, moodily. 'Your +favourite. He'll console you, and the gentlemen too, for the loss of +twenty such as me. I'm not understood in this house. I never have been.' + +'Don't run away with that opinion, sir!' cried Mrs Todgers, with a show +of honest indignation. 'Don't make such a charge as that against the +establishment, I must beg of you. It is not so bad as that comes to, +sir. Make any remark you please against the gentlemen, or against me; +but don't say you're not understood in this house.' + +'I'm not treated as if I was,' said the youngest gentleman. + +'There you make a great mistake, sir,' returned Mrs Todgers, in the same +strain. 'As many of the gentlemen and I have often said, you are too +sensitive. That's where it is. You are of too susceptible a nature; it's +in your spirit.' + +The young gentleman coughed. + +'And as,' said Mrs Todgers, 'as to Mr Jinkins, I must beg of you, if we +ARE to part, to understand that I don't abet Mr Jinkins by any means. +Far from it. I could wish that Mr Jinkins would take a lower tone in +this establishment, and would not be the means of raising differences +between me and gentlemen that I can much less bear to part with than I +could with Mr Jinkins. Mr Jinkins is not such a boarder, sir,' added Mrs +Todgers, 'that all considerations of private feeling and respect give +way before him. Quite the contrary, I assure you.' + +The young gentleman was so much mollified by these and similar speeches +on the part of Mrs Todgers, that he and that lady gradually changed +positions; so that she became the injured party, and he was understood +to be the injurer; but in a complimentary, not in an offensive sense; +his cruel conduct being attributable to his exalted nature, and to that +alone. So, in the end, the young gentleman withdrew his notice, and +assured Mrs Todgers of his unalterable regard; and having done so, went +back to business. + +'Goodness me, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried that lady, as she came into the +back room, and sat wearily down, with her basket on her knees, and her +hands folded upon it, 'what a trial of temper it is to keep a house like +this! You must have heard most of what has just passed. Now did you ever +hear the like?' + +'Never!' said the two Miss Pecksniffs. + +'Of all the ridiculous young fellows that ever I had to deal with,' +resumed Mrs Todgers, 'that is the most ridiculous and unreasonable. Mr +Jinkins is hard upon him sometimes, but not half as hard as he deserves. +To mention such a gentleman as Mr Jinkins in the same breath with +HIM--you know it's too much! And yet he's as jealous of him, bless you, +as if he was his equal.' + +The young ladies were greatly entertained by Mrs Todgers's account, +no less than with certain anecdotes illustrative of the youngest +gentleman's character, which she went on to tell them. But Mr Pecksniff +looked quite stern and angry; and when she had concluded, said in a +solemn voice: + +'Pray, Mrs Todgers, if I may inquire, what does that young gentleman +contribute towards the support of these premises?' + +'Why, sir, for what HE has, he pays about eighteen shillings a week!' +said Mrs Todgers. + +'Eighteen shillings a week!' repeated Mr Pecksniff. + +'Taking one week with another; as near that as possible,' said Mrs +Todgers. + +Mr Pecksniff rose from his chair, folded his arms, looked at her, and +shook his head. + +'And do you mean to say, ma'am--is it possible, Mrs Todgers--that for +such a miserable consideration as eighteen shillings a week, a female of +your understanding can so far demean herself as to wear a double face, +even for an instant?' + +'I am forced to keep things on the square if I can, sir,' faltered +Mrs Todgers. 'I must preserve peace among them, and keep my connection +together, if possible, Mr Pecksniff. The profit is very small.' + +'The profit!' cried that gentleman, laying great stress upon the word. +'The profit, Mrs Todgers! You amaze me!' + +He was so severe, that Mrs Todgers shed tears. + +'The profit!' repeated Mr pecksniff. 'The profit of dissimulation! To +worship the golden calf of Baal, for eighteen shillings a week!' + +'Don't in your own goodness be too hard upon me, Mr Pecksniff,' cried +Mrs Todgers, taking out her handkerchief. + +'Oh Calf, Calf!' cried Mr Pecksniff mournfully. 'Oh, Baal, Baal! oh my +friend, Mrs Todgers! To barter away that precious jewel, self-esteem, +and cringe to any mortal creature--for eighteen shillings a week!' + +He was so subdued and overcome by the reflection, that he immediately +took down his hat from its peg in the passage, and went out for a walk, +to compose his feelings. Anybody passing him in the street might have +known him for a good man at first sight; for his whole figure teemed +with a consciousness of the moral homily he had read to Mrs Todgers. + +Eighteen shillings a week! Just, most just, thy censure, upright +Pecksniff! Had it been for the sake of a ribbon, star, or garter; +sleeves of lawn, a great man's smile, a seat in parliament, a tap upon +the shoulder from a courtly sword; a place, a party, or a thriving lie, +or eighteen thousand pounds, or even eighteen hundred;--but to worship +the golden calf for eighteen shillings a week! oh pitiful, pitiful! + + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN + +WHEREIN A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN BECOMES PARTICULAR IN HIS ATTENTIONS TO A +CERTAIN LADY; AND MORE COMING EVENTS THAN ONE, CAST THEIR SHADOWS BEFORE + + +The family were within two or three days of their departure from Mrs +Todgers's, and the commercial gentlemen were to a man despondent and +not to be comforted, because of the approaching separation, when Bailey +junior, at the jocund time of noon, presented himself before Miss +Charity Pecksniff, then sitting with her sister in the banquet chamber, +hemming six new pocket-handkerchiefs for Mr Jinkins; and having +expressed a hope, preliminary and pious, that he might be blest, gave +her in his pleasant way to understand that a visitor attended to pay +his respects to her, and was at that moment waiting in the drawing-room. +Perhaps this last announcement showed in a more striking point of view +than many lengthened speeches could have done, the trustfulness and +faith of Bailey's nature; since he had, in fact, last seen the visitor +on the door-mat, where, after signifying to him that he would do well to +go upstairs, he had left him to the guidance of his own sagacity. Hence +it was at least an even chance that the visitor was then wandering on +the roof of the house, or vainly seeking to extricate himself from the +maze of bedrooms; Todgers's being precisely that kind of establishment +in which an unpiloted stranger is pretty sure to find himself in some +place where he least expects and least desires to be. + +'A gentleman for me!' cried Charity, pausing in her work; 'my gracious, +Bailey!' + +'Ah!' said Bailey. 'It IS my gracious, an't it? Wouldn't I be gracious +neither, not if I wos him!' + +The remark was rendered somewhat obscure in itself, by reason (as the +reader may have observed) of a redundancy of negatives; but accompanied +by action expressive of a faithful couple walking arm-in-arm towards +a parochial church, mutually exchanging looks of love, it clearly +signified this youth's conviction that the caller's purpose was of an +amorous tendency. Miss Charity affected to reprove so great a liberty; +but she could not help smiling. He was a strange boy, to be sure. There +was always some ground of probability and likelihood mingled with his +absurd behaviour. That was the best of it! + +'But I don't know any gentlemen, Bailey,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I think +you must have made a mistake.' + +Mr Bailey smiled at the extreme wildness of such a supposition, and +regarded the young ladies with unimpaired affability. + +'My dear Merry,' said Charity, 'who CAN it be? Isn't it odd? I have a +great mind not to go to him really. So very strange, you know!' + +The younger sister plainly considered that this appeal had its origin in +the pride of being called upon and asked for; and that it was intended +as an assertion of superiority, and a retaliation upon her for having +captured the commercial gentlemen. Therefore, she replied, with great +affection and politeness, that it was, no doubt, very strange indeed; +and that she was totally at a loss to conceive what the ridiculous +person unknown could mean by it. + +'Quite impossible to divine!' said Charity, with some sharpness, 'though +still, at the same time, you needn't be angry, my dear.' + +'Thank you,' retorted Merry, singing at her needle. 'I am quite aware of +that, my love.' + +'I am afraid your head is turned, you silly thing,' said Cherry. + +'Do you know, my dear,' said Merry, with engaging candour, 'that I have +been afraid of that, myself, all along! So much incense and nonsense, +and all the rest of it, is enough to turn a stronger head than mine. +What a relief it must be to you, my dear, to be so very comfortable in +that respect, and not to be worried by those odious men! How do you do +it, Cherry?' + +This artless inquiry might have led to turbulent results, but for the +strong emotions of delight evinced by Bailey junior, whose relish in the +turn the conversation had lately taken was so acute, that it impelled +and forced him to the instantaneous performance of a dancing step, +extremely difficult in its nature, and only to be achieved in a +moment of ecstasy, which is commonly called The Frog's Hornpipe. A +manifestation so lively, brought to their immediate recollection the +great virtuous precept, 'Keep up appearances whatever you do,' in which +they had been educated. They forbore at once, and jointly signified to +Mr Bailey that if he should presume to practice that figure any more in +their presence, they would instantly acquaint Mrs Todgers with the fact, +and would demand his condign punishment, at the hands of that lady. The +young gentleman having expressed the bitterness of his contrition by +affecting to wipe away scalding tears with his apron, and afterwards +feigning to wring a vast amount of water from that garment, held the +door open while Miss Charity passed out; and so that damsel went in +state upstairs to receive her mysterious adorer. + +By some strange occurrence of favourable circumstances he had found out +the drawing-room, and was sitting there alone. + +'Ah, cousin!' he said. 'Here I am, you see. You thought I was lost, I'll +be bound. Well! how do you find yourself by this time?' + +Miss Charity replied that she was quite well, and gave Mr Jonas +Chuzzlewit her hand. + +'That's right,' said Mr Jonas, 'and you've got over the fatigues of the +journey have you? I say. How's the other one?' + +'My sister is very well, I believe,' returned the young lady. 'I have +not heard her complain of any indisposition, sir. Perhaps you would like +to see her, and ask her yourself?' + +'No, no cousin!' said Mr Jonas, sitting down beside her on the +window-seat. 'Don't be in a hurry. There's no occasion for that, you +know. What a cruel girl you are!' + +'It's impossible for YOU to know,' said Cherry, 'whether I am or not.' + +'Well, perhaps it is,' said Mr Jonas. 'I say--Did you think I was lost? +You haven't told me that.' + +'I didn't think at all about it,' answered Cherry. + +'Didn't you though?' said Jonas, pondering upon this strange reply. 'Did +the other one?' + +'I am sure it's impossible for me to say what my sister may, or may not +have thought on such a subject,' cried Cherry. 'She never said anything +to me about it, one way or other.' + +'Didn't she laugh about it?' inquired Jonas. + +'No. She didn't even laugh about it,' answered Charity. + +'She's a terrible one to laugh, an't she?' said Jonas, lowering his +voice. + +'She is very lively,' said Cherry. + +'Liveliness is a pleasant thing--when it don't lead to spending money. +An't it?' asked Mr Jonas. + +'Very much so, indeed,' said Cherry, with a demureness of manner that +gave a very disinterested character to her assent. + +'Such liveliness as yours I mean, you know,' observed Mr Jonas, as he +nudged her with his elbow. 'I should have come to see you before, but I +didn't know where you was. How quick you hurried off, that morning!' + +'I was amenable to my papa's directions,' said Miss Charity. + +'I wish he had given me his direction,' returned her cousin, 'and then +I should have found you out before. Why, I shouldn't have found you even +now, if I hadn't met him in the street this morning. What a sleek, sly +chap he is! Just like a tomcat, an't he?' + +'I must trouble you to have the goodness to speak more respectfully of +my papa, Mr Jonas,' said Charity. 'I can't allow such a tone as that, +even in jest.' + +'Ecod, you may say what you like of MY father, then, and so I give you +leave,' said Jonas. 'I think it's liquid aggravation that circulates +through his veins, and not regular blood. How old should you think my +father was, cousin?' + +'Old, no doubt,' replied Miss Charity; 'but a fine old gentleman.' + +'A fine old gentleman!' repeated Jonas, giving the crown of his hat an +angry knock. 'Ah! It's time he was thinking of being drawn out a little +finer too. Why, he's eighty!' + +'Is he, indeed?' said the young lady. + +'And ecod,' cried Jonas, 'now he's gone so far without giving in, I +don't see much to prevent his being ninety; no, nor even a hundred. Why, +a man with any feeling ought to be ashamed of being eighty, let alone +more. Where's his religion, I should like to know, when he goes flying +in the face of the Bible like that? Threescore-and-ten's the mark, and +no man with a conscience, and a proper sense of what's expected of him, +has any business to live longer.' + +Is any one surprised at Mr Jonas making such a reference to such a +book for such a purpose? Does any one doubt the old saw, that the Devil +(being a layman) quotes Scripture for his own ends? If he will take the +trouble to look about him, he may find a greater number of confirmations +of the fact in the occurrences of any single day, than the steam-gun can +discharge balls in a minute. + +'But there's enough of my father,' said Jonas; 'it's of no use to go +putting one's self out of the way by talking about HIM. I called to ask +you to come and take a walk, cousin, and see some of the sights; and +to come to our house afterwards, and have a bit of something. Pecksniff +will most likely look in in the evening, he says, and bring you home. +See, here's his writing; I made him put it down this morning when he +told me he shouldn't be back before I came here; in case you wouldn't +believe me. There's nothing like proof, is there? Ha, ha! I say--you'll +bring the other one, you know!' + +Miss Charity cast her eyes upon her father's autograph, which merely +said--'Go, my children, with your cousin. Let there be union among us +when it is possible;' and after enough of hesitation to impart a proper +value to her consent, withdrew to prepare her sister and herself for the +excursion. She soon returned, accompanied by Miss Mercy, who was by +no means pleased to leave the brilliant triumphs of Todgers's for the +society of Mr Jonas and his respected father. + +'Aha!' cried Jonas. 'There you are, are you?' + +'Yes, fright,' said Mercy, 'here I am; and I would much rather be +anywhere else, I assure you.' + +'You don't mean that,' cried Mr Jonas. 'You can't, you know. It isn't +possible.' + +'You can have what opinion you like, fright,' retorted Mercy. 'I am +content to keep mine; and mine is that you are a very unpleasant, +odious, disagreeable person.' Here she laughed heartily, and seemed to +enjoy herself very much. + +'Oh, you're a sharp gal!' said Mr Jonas. 'She's a regular teaser, an't +she, cousin?' + +Miss Charity replied in effect, that she was unable to say what the +habits and propensities of a regular teaser might be; and that even if +she possessed such information, it would ill become her to admit the +existence of any creature with such an unceremonious name in her family; +far less in the person of a beloved sister; 'whatever,' added Cherry +with an angry glance, 'whatever her real nature may be.' + +'Well, my dear,' said Merry, 'the only observation I have to make is, +that if we don't go out at once, I shall certainly take my bonnet off +again, and stay at home.' + +This threat had the desired effect of preventing any farther +altercation, for Mr Jonas immediately proposed an adjournment, and +the same being carried unanimously, they departed from the house +straightway. On the doorstep, Mr Jonas gave an arm to each cousin; +which act of gallantry being observed by Bailey junior, from the garret +window, was by him saluted with a loud and violent fit of coughing, to +which paroxysm he was still the victim when they turned the corner. + +Mr Jonas inquired in the first instance if they were good walkers and +being answered, 'Yes,' submitted their pedestrian powers to a pretty +severe test; for he showed them as many sights, in the way of bridges, +churches, streets, outsides of theatres, and other free spectacles, +in that one forenoon, as most people see in a twelvemonth. It was +observable in this gentleman, that he had an insurmountable distaste to +the insides of buildings, and that he was perfectly acquainted with +the merits of all shows, in respect of which there was any charge for +admission, which it seemed were every one detestable, and of the very +lowest grade of merit. He was so thoroughly possessed with this opinion, +that when Miss Charity happened to mention the circumstance of their +having been twice or thrice to the theatre with Mr Jinkins and party, he +inquired, as a matter of course, 'where the orders came from?' and being +told that Mr Jinkins and party paid, was beyond description entertained, +observing that 'they must be nice flats, certainly;' and often in the +course of the walk, bursting out again into a perfect convulsion of +laughter at the surpassing silliness of those gentlemen, and (doubtless) +at his own superior wisdom. + +When they had been out for some hours and were thoroughly fatigued, it +being by that time twilight, Mr Jonas intimated that he would show them +one of the best pieces of fun with which he was acquainted. This joke +was of a practical kind, and its humour lay in taking a hackney-coach +to the extreme limits of possibility for a shilling. Happily it brought +them to the place where Mr Jonas dwelt, or the young ladies might have +rather missed the point and cream of the jest. + +The old-established firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son, Manchester +Warehousemen, and so forth, had its place of business in a very narrow +street somewhere behind the Post Office; where every house was in the +brightest summer morning very gloomy; and where light porters watered +the pavement, each before his own employer's premises, in fantastic +patterns, in the dog-days; and where spruce gentlemen with their hands +in the pockets of symmetrical trousers, were always to be seen in +warm weather, contemplating their undeniable boots in dusty warehouse +doorways; which appeared to be the hardest work they did, except now and +then carrying pens behind their ears. A dim, dirty, smoky, tumble-down, +rotten old house it was, as anybody would desire to see; but there the +firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son transacted all their business and +their pleasure too, such as it was; for neither the young man nor the +old had any other residence, or any care or thought beyond its narrow +limits. + +Business, as may be readily supposed, was the main thing in this +establishment; insomuch indeed that it shouldered comfort out of +doors, and jostled the domestic arrangements at every turn. Thus in the +miserable bedrooms there were files of moth-eaten letters hanging up +against the walls; and linen rollers, and fragments of old patterns, +and odds and ends of spoiled goods, strewed upon the ground; while the +meagre bedsteads, washing-stands, and scraps of carpet, were huddled +away into corners as objects of secondary consideration, not to be +thought of but as disagreeable necessities, furnishing no profit, and +intruding on the one affair of life. The single sitting-room was on +the same principle, a chaos of boxes and old papers, and had more +counting-house stools in it than chairs; not to mention a great monster +of a desk straddling over the middle of the floor, and an iron safe +sunk into the wall above the fireplace. The solitary little table for +purposes of refection and social enjoyment, bore as fair a proportion +to the desk and other business furniture, as the graces and harmless +relaxations of life had ever done, in the persons of the old man and his +son, to their pursuit of wealth. It was meanly laid out now for dinner; +and in a chair before the fire sat Anthony himself, who rose to greet +his son and his fair cousins as they entered. + +An ancient proverb warns us that we should not expect to find old heads +upon young shoulders; to which it may be added that we seldom meet with +that unnatural combination, but we feel a strong desire to knock them +off; merely from an inherent love we have of seeing things in their +right places. It is not improbable that many men, in no wise choleric +by nature, felt this impulse rising up within them, when they first made +the acquaintance of Mr Jonas; but if they had known him more intimately +in his own house, and had sat with him at his own board, it would +assuredly have been paramount to all other considerations. + +'Well, ghost!' said Mr Jonas, dutifully addressing his parent by that +title. 'Is dinner nearly ready?' + +'I should think it was,' rejoined the old man. + +'What's the good of that?' rejoined the son. 'I should think it was. I +want to know.' + +'Ah! I don't know for certain,' said Anthony. + +'You don't know for certain,' rejoined his son in a lower tone. 'No. You +don't know anything for certain, YOU don't. Give me your candle here. I +want it for the gals.' + +Anthony handed him a battered old office candlestick, with which Mr +Jonas preceded the young ladies to the nearest bedroom, where he left +them to take off their shawls and bonnets; and returning, occupied +himself in opening a bottle of wine, sharpening the carving-knife, and +muttering compliments to his father, until they and the dinner appeared +together. The repast consisted of a hot leg of mutton with greens and +potatoes; and the dishes having been set upon the table by a slipshod +old woman, they were left to enjoy it after their own manner. + +'Bachelor's Hall, you know, cousin,' said Mr Jonas to Charity. 'I +say--the other one will be having a laugh at this when she gets home, +won't she? Here; you sit on the right side of me, and I'll have her upon +the left. Other one, will you come here?' + +'You're such a fright,' replied Mercy, 'that I know I shall have no +appetite if I sit so near you; but I suppose I must.' + +'An't she lively?' whispered Mr Jonas to the elder sister, with his +favourite elbow emphasis. + +'Oh I really don't know!' replied Miss Pecksniff, tartly. 'I am tired of +being asked such ridiculous questions.' + +'What's that precious old father of mine about now?' said Mr Jonas, +seeing that his parent was travelling up and down the room instead of +taking his seat at table. 'What are you looking for?' + +'I've lost my glasses, Jonas,' said old Anthony. + +'Sit down without your glasses, can't you?' returned his son. 'You don't +eat or drink out of 'em, I think; and where's that sleepy-headed old +Chuffey got to! Now, stupid. Oh! you know your name, do you?' + +It would seem that he didn't, for he didn't come until the father +called. As he spoke, the door of a small glass office, which was +partitioned off from the rest of the room, was slowly opened, and a +little blear-eyed, weazen-faced, ancient man came creeping out. He was +of a remote fashion, and dusty, like the rest of the furniture; he was +dressed in a decayed suit of black; with breeches garnished at the knees +with rusty wisps of ribbon, the very paupers of shoestrings; on the +lower portion of his spindle legs were dingy worsted stockings of the +same colour. He looked as if he had been put away and forgotten half a +century before, and somebody had just found him in a lumber-closet. + +Such as he was, he came slowly creeping on towards the table, until at +last he crept into the vacant chair, from which, as his dim faculties +became conscious of the presence of strangers, and those strangers +ladies, he rose again, apparently intending to make a bow. But he sat +down once more without having made it, and breathing on his shrivelled +hands to warm them, remained with his poor blue nose immovable above his +plate, looking at nothing, with eyes that saw nothing, and a face that +meant nothing. Take him in that state, and he was an embodiment of +nothing. Nothing else. + +'Our clerk,' said Mr Jonas, as host and master of the ceremonies: 'Old +Chuffey.' + +'Is he deaf?' inquired one of the young ladies. + +'No, I don't know that he is. He an't deaf, is he, father?' + +'I never heard him say he was,' replied the old man. + +'Blind?' inquired the young ladies. + +'N--no. I never understood that he was at all blind,' said Jonas, +carelessly. 'You don't consider him so, do you, father?' + +'Certainly not,' replied Anthony. + +'What is he, then?' + +'Why, I'll tell you what he is,' said Mr Jonas, apart to the young +ladies, 'he's precious old, for one thing; and I an't best pleased with +him for that, for I think my father must have caught it of him. He's a +strange old chap, for another,' he added in a louder voice, 'and don't +understand any one hardly, but HIM!' He pointed to his honoured parent +with the carving-fork, in order that they might know whom he meant. + +'How very strange!' cried the sisters. + +'Why, you see,' said Mr Jonas, 'he's been addling his old brains with +figures and book-keeping all his life; and twenty years ago or so he +went and took a fever. All the time he was out of his head (which was +three weeks) he never left off casting up; and he got to so many million +at last that I don't believe he's ever been quite right since. We don't +do much business now though, and he an't a bad clerk.' + +'A very good one,' said Anthony. + +'Well! He an't a dear one at all events,' observed Jonas; 'and he earns +his salt, which is enough for our look-out. I was telling you that he +hardly understands any one except my father; he always understands him, +though, and wakes up quite wonderful. He's been used to his ways so +long, you see! Why, I've seen him play whist, with my father for a +partner; and a good rubber too; when he had no more notion what sort of +people he was playing against, than you have.' + +'Has he no appetite?' asked Merry. + +'Oh, yes,' said Jonas, plying his own knife and fork very fast. 'He +eats--when he's helped. But he don't care whether he waits a minute or +an hour, as long as father's here; so when I'm at all sharp set, as I am +to-day, I come to him after I've taken the edge off my own hunger, you +know. Now, Chuffey, stupid, are you ready?' + +Chuffey remained immovable. + +'Always a perverse old file, he was,' said Mr Jonas, coolly helping +himself to another slice. 'Ask him, father.' + +'Are you ready for your dinner, Chuffey?' asked the old man + +'Yes, yes,' said Chuffey, lighting up into a sentient human creature at +the first sound of the voice, so that it was at once a curious and quite +a moving sight to see him. 'Yes, yes. Quite ready, Mr Chuzzlewit. Quite +ready, sir. All ready, all ready, all ready.' With that he stopped, +smilingly, and listened for some further address; but being spoken to +no more, the light forsook his face by little and little, until he was +nothing again. + +'He'll be very disagreeable, mind,' said Jonas, addressing his cousins +as he handed the old man's portion to his father. 'He always chokes +himself when it an't broth. Look at him, now! Did you ever see a horse +with such a wall-eyed expression as he's got? If it hadn't been for the +joke of it I wouldn't have let him come in to-day; but I thought he'd +amuse you.' + +The poor old subject of this humane speech was, happily for himself, as +unconscious of its purport as of most other remarks that were made in +his presence. But the mutton being tough, and his gums weak, he quickly +verified the statement relative to his choking propensities, and +underwent so much in his attempts to dine, that Mr Jonas was infinitely +amused; protesting that he had seldom seen him better company in all +his life, and that he was enough to make a man split his sides with +laughing. Indeed, he went so far as to assure the sisters, that in this +point of view he considered Chuffey superior to his own father; which, +as he significantly added, was saying a great deal. + +It was strange enough that Anthony Chuzzlewit, himself so old a man, +should take a pleasure in these gibings of his estimable son at the +expense of the poor shadow at their table. But he did, unquestionably; +though not so much--to do him justice--with reference to their ancient +clerk, as in exultation at the sharpness of Jonas. For the same reason +that young man's coarse allusions, even to himself, filled him with a +stealthy glee; causing him to rub his hands and chuckle covertly, as if +he said in his sleeve, 'I taught him. I trained him. This is the heir of +my bringing-up. Sly, cunning, and covetous, he'll not squander my money. +I worked for this; I hoped for this; it has been the great end and aim +of my life.' + +What a noble end and aim it was to contemplate in the attainment truly! +But there be some who manufacture idols after the fashion of themselves, +and fail to worship them when they are made; charging their deformity on +outraged nature. Anthony was better than these at any rate. + +Chuffey boggled over his plate so long, that Mr Jonas, losing patience, +took it from him at last with his own hands, and requested his father +to signify to that venerable person that he had better 'peg away at his +bread;' which Anthony did. + +'Aye, aye!' cried the old man, brightening up as before, when this was +communicated to him in the same voice, 'quite right, quite right. He's +your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit! Bless him for a sharp lad! Bless him, bless +him!' + +Mr Jonas considered this so particularly childish (perhaps with some +reason), that he only laughed the more, and told his cousins that he was +afraid one of these fine days, Chuffey would be the death of him. The +cloth was then removed, and the bottle of wine set upon the table, from +which Mr Jonas filled the young ladies' glasses, calling on them not to +spare it, as they might be certain there was plenty more where that came +from. But he added with some haste after this sally that it was only his +joke, and they wouldn't suppose him to be in earnest, he was sure. + +'I shall drink,' said Anthony, 'to Pecksniff. Your father, my dears. A +clever man, Pecksniff. A wary man! A hypocrite, though, eh? A hypocrite, +girls, eh? Ha, ha, ha! Well, so he is. Now, among friends, he is. I +don't think the worse of him for that, unless it is that he overdoes it. +You may overdo anything, my darlings. You may overdo even hypocrisy. Ask +Jonas!' + +'You can't overdo taking care of yourself,' observed that hopeful +gentleman with his mouth full. + +'Do you hear that, my dears?' cried Anthony, quite enraptured. 'Wisdom, +wisdom! A good exception, Jonas. No. It's not easy to overdo that.' + +'Except,' whispered Mr Jonas to his favourite cousin, 'except when one +lives too long. Ha, ha! Tell the other one that--I say!' + +'Good gracious me!' said Cherry, in a petulant manner. 'You can tell her +yourself, if you wish, can't you?' + +'She seems to make such game of one,' replied Mr Jonas. + +'Then why need you trouble yourself about her?' said Charity. 'I am sure +she doesn't trouble herself much about you.' + +'Don't she though?' asked Jonas. + +'Good gracious me, need I tell you that she don't?' returned the young +lady. + +Mr Jonas made no verbal rejoinder, but he glanced at Mercy with an odd +expression in his face; and said THAT wouldn't break his heart, she +might depend upon it. Then he looked on Charity with even greater favour +than before, and besought her, as his polite manner was, to 'come a +little closer.' + +'There's another thing that's not easily overdone, father,' remarked +Jonas, after a short silence. + +'What's that?' asked the father; grinning already in anticipation. + +'A bargain,' said the son. 'Here's the rule for bargains--"Do other men, +for they would do you." That's the true business precept. All others are +counterfeits.' + +The delighted father applauded this sentiment to the echo; and was so +much tickled by it, that he was at the pains of imparting the same to +his ancient clerk, who rubbed his hands, nodded his palsied head, winked +his watery eyes, and cried in his whistling tones, 'Good! good! Your own +son, Mr Chuzzlewit' with every feeble demonstration of delight that he +was capable of making. But this old man's enthusiasm had the redeeming +quality of being felt in sympathy with the only creature to whom he was +linked by ties of long association, and by his present helplessness. And +if there had been anybody there, who cared to think about it, some dregs +of a better nature unawakened, might perhaps have been descried through +that very medium, melancholy though it was, yet lingering at the bottom +of the worn-out cask called Chuffey. + +As matters stood, nobody thought or said anything upon the subject; so +Chuffey fell back into a dark corner on one side of the fireplace, where +he always spent his evenings, and was neither seen nor heard again that +night; save once, when a cup of tea was given him, in which he was seen +to soak his bread mechanically. There was no reason to suppose that he +went to sleep at these seasons, or that he heard, or saw, or felt, or +thought. He remained, as it were, frozen up--if any term expressive of +such a vigorous process can be applied to him--until he was again thawed +for the moment by a word or touch from Anthony. + +Miss Charity made tea by desire of Mr Jonas, and felt and looked so +like the lady of the house that she was in the prettiest confusion +imaginable; the more so from Mr Jonas sitting close beside her, and +whispering a variety of admiring expressions in her ear. Miss Mercy, for +her part, felt the entertainment of the evening to be so distinctly +and exclusively theirs, that she silently deplored the commercial +gentlemen--at that moment, no doubt, wearying for her return--and yawned +over yesterday's newspaper. As to Anthony, he went to sleep outright, so +Jonas and Cherry had a clear stage to themselves as long as they chose +to keep possession of it. + +When the tea-tray was taken away, as it was at last, Mr Jonas produced a +dirty pack of cards, and entertained the sisters with divers small feats +of dexterity: whereof the main purpose of every one was, that you were +to decoy somebody into laying a wager with you that you couldn't do it; +and were then immediately to win and pocket his money. Mr Jonas +informed them that these accomplishments were in high vogue in the most +intellectual circles, and that large amounts were constantly changing +hands on such hazards. And it may be remarked that he fully believed +this; for there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity +of innocence; and in all matters where a lively faith in knavery and +meanness was required as the ground-work of belief, Mr Jonas was one of +the most credulous of men. His ignorance, which was stupendous, may be +taken into account, if the reader pleases, separately. + +This fine young man had all the inclination to be a profligate of the +first water, and only lacked the one good trait in the common catalogue +of debauched vices--open-handedness--to be a notable vagabond. But there +his griping and penurious habits stepped in; and as one poison will +sometimes neutralise another, when wholesome remedies would not avail, +so he was restrained by a bad passion from quaffing his full measure of +evil, when virtue might have sought to hold him back in vain. + +By the time he had unfolded all the peddling schemes he knew upon the +cards, it was growing late in the evening; and Mr Pecksniff not making +his appearance, the young ladies expressed a wish to return home. But +this, Mr Jonas, in his gallantry, would by no means allow, until they +had partaken of some bread and cheese and porter; and even then he was +excessively unwilling to allow them to depart; often beseeching Miss +Charity to come a little closer, or to stop a little longer, and +preferring many other complimentary petitions of that nature in his own +hospitable and earnest way. When all his efforts to detain them were +fruitless, he put on his hat and greatcoat preparatory to escorting them +to Todgers's; remarking that he knew they would rather walk thither than +ride; and that for his part he was quite of their opinion. + +'Good night,' said Anthony. 'Good night; remember me to--ha, ha, ha!--to +Pecksniff. Take care of your cousin, my dears; beware of Jonas; he's a +dangerous fellow. Don't quarrel for him, in any case!' + +'Oh, the creature!' cried Mercy. 'The idea of quarrelling for HIM! You +may take him, Cherry, my love, all to yourself. I make you a present of +my share.' + +'What! I'm a sour grape, am I, cousin?' said Jonas. + +Miss Charity was more entertained by this repartee than one would have +supposed likely, considering its advanced age and simple character. But +in her sisterly affection she took Mr Jonas to task for leaning so very +hard upon a broken reed, and said that he must not be so cruel to poor +Merry any more, or she (Charity) would positively be obliged to hate +him. Mercy, who really had her share of good humour, only retorted with +a laugh; and they walked home in consequence without any angry passages +of words upon the way. Mr Jonas being in the middle, and having a cousin +on each arm, sometimes squeezed the wrong one; so tightly too, as to +cause her not a little inconvenience; but as he talked to Charity in +whispers the whole time, and paid her great attention, no doubt this was +an accidental circumstance. When they arrived at Todgers's, and the door +was opened, Mercy broke hastily from them, and ran upstairs; but Charity +and Jonas lingered on the steps talking together for more than five +minutes; so, as Mrs Todgers observed next morning, to a third party, 'It +was pretty clear what was going on THERE, and she was glad of it, for it +really was high time that Miss Pecksniff thought of settling.' + +And now the day was coming on, when that bright vision which had burst +on Todgers's so suddenly, and made a sunshine in the shady breast of +Jinkins, was to be seen no more; when it was to be packed, like a brown +paper parcel, or a fish-basket, or an oyster barrel or a fat gentleman, +or any other dull reality of life, in a stagecoach and carried down into +the country. + +'Never, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said Mrs Todgers, when they retired +to rest on the last night of their stay, 'never have I seen an +establishment so perfectly broken-hearted as mine is at this present +moment of time. I don't believe the gentlemen will be the gentlemen they +were, or anything like it--no, not for weeks to come. You have a great +deal to answer for, both of you.' + +They modestly disclaimed any wilful agency in this disastrous state of +things, and regretted it very much. + +'Your pious pa, too,' said Mrs Todgers. 'There's a loss! My dear Miss +Pecksniffs, your pa is a perfect missionary of peace and love.' + +Entertaining an uncertainty as to the particular kind of love supposed +to be comprised in Mr Pecksniff's mission, the young ladies received the +compliment rather coldly. + +'If I dared,' said Mrs Todgers, perceiving this, 'to violate a +confidence which has been reposed in me, and to tell you why I must beg +of you to leave the little door between your room and mine open tonight, +I think you would be interested. But I mustn't do it, for I promised Mr +Jinkins faithfully, that I would be as silent as the tomb.' + +'Dear Mrs Todgers! What can you mean?' + +'Why, then, my sweet Miss Pecksniffs,' said the lady of the house; 'my +own loves, if you will allow me the privilege of taking that freedom on +the eve of our separation, Mr Jinkins and the gentlemen have made up +a little musical party among themselves, and DO intend, in the dead of +this night, to perform a serenade upon the stairs outside the door. I +could have wished, I own,' said Mrs Todgers, with her usual foresight, +'that it had been fixed to take place an hour or two earlier; because +when gentlemen sit up late they drink, and when they drink they're not +so musical, perhaps, as when they don't. But this is the arrangement; +and I know you will be gratified, my dear Miss Pecksniffs, by such a +mark of their attention.' + +The young ladies were at first so much excited by the news, that they +vowed they couldn't think of going to bed until the serenade was over. +But half an hour of cool waiting so altered their opinion that they not +only went to bed, but fell asleep; and were, moreover, not ecstatically +charmed to be awakened some time afterwards by certain dulcet strains +breaking in upon the silent watches of the night. + +It was very affecting--very. Nothing more dismal could have been desired +by the most fastidious taste. The gentleman of a vocal turn was head +mute, or chief mourner; Jinkins took the bass; and the rest took +anything they could get. The youngest gentleman blew his melancholy into +a flute. He didn't blow much out of it, but that was all the better. +If the two Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers had perished by spontaneous +combustion, and the serenade had been in honour of their ashes, it would +have been impossible to surpass the unutterable despair expressed in +that one chorus, 'Go where glory waits thee!' It was a requiem, a dirge, +a moan, a howl, a wail, a lament, an abstract of everything that is +sorrowful and hideous in sound. The flute of the youngest gentleman was +wild and fitful. It came and went in gusts, like the wind. For a long +time together he seemed to have left off, and when it was quite settled +by Mrs Todgers and the young ladies that, overcome by his feelings, he +had retired in tears, he unexpectedly turned up again at the very top of +the tune, gasping for breath. He was a tremendous performer. There was +no knowing where to have him; and exactly when you thought he was doing +nothing at all, then was he doing the very thing that ought to astonish +you most. + +There were several of these concerted pieces; perhaps two or three too +many, though that, as Mrs Todgers said, was a fault on the right side. +But even then, even at that solemn moment, when the thrilling sounds may +be presumed to have penetrated into the very depths of his nature, if he +had any depths, Jinkins couldn't leave the youngest gentleman alone. He +asked him distinctly, before the second song began--as a personal favour +too, mark the villain in that--not to play. Yes; he said so; not to +play. The breathing of the youngest gentleman was heard through the +key-hole of the door. He DIDN'T play. What vent was a flute for the +passions swelling up within his breast? A trombone would have been a +world too mild. + +The serenade approached its close. Its crowning interest was at hand. +The gentleman of a literary turn had written a song on the departure of +the ladies, and adapted it to an old tune. They all joined, except +the youngest gentleman in company, who, for the reasons aforesaid, +maintained a fearful silence. The song (which was of a classical nature) +invoked the oracle of Apollo, and demanded to know what would become +of Todgers's when CHARITY and MERCY were banished from its walls. The +oracle delivered no opinion particularly worth remembering, according +to the not infrequent practice of oracles from the earliest ages down to +the present time. In the absence of enlightenment on that subject, the +strain deserted it, and went on to show that the Miss Pecksniffs were +nearly related to Rule Britannia, and that if Great Britain hadn't been +an island, there could have been no Miss Pecksniffs. And being now on a +nautical tack, it closed with this verse: + + 'All hail to the vessel of Pecksniff the sire! + And favouring breezes to fan; + While Tritons flock round it, and proudly admire + The architect, artist, and man!' + +As they presented this beautiful picture to the imagination, the +gentlemen gradually withdrew to bed to give the music the effect of +distance; and so it died away, and Todgers's was left to its repose. + +Mr Bailey reserved his vocal offering until the morning, when he put +his head into the room as the young ladies were kneeling before their +trunks, packing up, and treated them to an imitation of the voice of +a young dog in trying circumstances; when that animal is supposed by +persons of a lively fancy, to relieve his feelings by calling for pen +and ink. + +'Well, young ladies,' said the youth, 'so you're a-going home, are you, +worse luck?' + +'Yes, Bailey, we're going home,' returned Mercy. + +'An't you a-going to leave none of 'em a lock of your hair?' inquired +the youth. 'It's real, an't it?' + +They laughed at this, and told him of course it was. + +'Oh, is it of course, though?' said Bailey. 'I know better than that. +Hers an't. Why, I see it hanging up once, on that nail by the winder. +Besides, I have gone behind her at dinner-time and pulled it; and she +never know'd. I say, young ladies, I'm a-going to leave. I an't a-going +to stand being called names by her, no longer.' + +Miss Mercy inquired what his plans for the future might be; in reply to +whom Mr Bailey intimated that he thought of going either into top-boots, +or into the army. + +'Into the army!' cried the young ladies, with a laugh. + +'Ah!' said Bailey, 'why not? There's a many drummers in the Tower. I'm +acquainted with 'em. Don't their country set a valley on 'em, mind you! +Not at all!' + +'You'll be shot, I see,' observed Mercy. + +'Well!' cried Mr Bailey, 'wot if I am? There's something gamey in it, +young ladies, an't there? I'd sooner be hit with a cannon-ball than a +rolling-pin, and she's always a-catching up something of that sort, and +throwing it at me, when the gentlemans' appetites is good. Wot,' said +Mr Bailey, stung by the recollection of his wrongs, 'wot, if they DO +consume the per-vishuns. It an't MY fault, is it?' + +'Surely no one says it is,' said Mercy. + +'Don't they though?' retorted the youth. 'No. Yes. Ah! oh! No one mayn't +say it is! but some one knows it is. But I an't a-going to have every +rise in prices wisited on me. I an't a-going to be killed because +the markets is dear. I won't stop. And therefore,' added Mr Bailey, +relenting into a smile, 'wotever you mean to give me, you'd better give +me all at once, becos if ever you come back agin, I shan't be here; and +as to the other boy, HE won't deserve nothing, I know.' + +The young ladies, on behalf of Mr Pecksniff and themselves, acted +on this thoughtful advice; and in consideration of their private +friendship, presented Mr Bailey with a gratuity so liberal that he could +hardly do enough to show his gratitude; which found but an imperfect +vent, during the remainder of the day, in divers secret slaps upon his +pocket, and other such facetious pantomime. Nor was it confined to these +ebullitions; for besides crushing a bandbox, with a bonnet in it, he +seriously damaged Mr Pecksniff's luggage, by ardently hauling it down +from the top of the house; and in short evinced, by every means in his +power, a lively sense of the favours he had received from that gentleman +and his family. + +Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jinkins came home to dinner arm-in-arm; for the +latter gentleman had made half-holiday on purpose; thus gaining an +immense advantage over the youngest gentleman and the rest, whose time, +as it perversely chanced, was all bespoke, until the evening. The bottle +of wine was Mr Pecksniff's treat, and they were very sociable indeed; +though full of lamentations on the necessity of parting. While they were +in the midst of their enjoyment, old Anthony and his son were announced; +much to the surprise of Mr Pecksniff, and greatly to the discomfiture of +Jinkins. + +'Come to say good-bye, you see,' said Anthony, in a low voice, to Mr +Pecksniff, as they took their seats apart at the table, while the rest +conversed among themselves. 'Where's the use of a division between +you and me? We are the two halves of a pair of scissors, when apart, +Pecksniff; but together we are something. Eh?' + +'Unanimity, my good sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'is always delightful.' + +'I don't know about that,' said the old man, 'for there are some people +I would rather differ from than agree with. But you know my opinion of +you.' + +Mr Pecksniff, still having 'hypocrite' in his mind, only replied by a +motion of his head, which was something between an affirmative bow, and +a negative shake. + +'Complimentary,' said Anthony. 'Complimentary, upon my word. It was an +involuntary tribute to your abilities, even at the time; and it was not +a time to suggest compliments either. But we agreed in the coach, you +know, that we quite understood each other.' + +'Oh, quite!' assented Mr Pecksniff, in a manner which implied that he +himself was misunderstood most cruelly, but would not complain. + +Anthony glanced at his son as he sat beside Miss Charity, and then at Mr +Pecksniff, and then at his son again, very many times. It happened that +Mr Pecksniff's glances took a similar direction; but when he became +aware of it, he first cast down his eyes, and then closed them; as if he +were determined that the old man should read nothing there. + +'Jonas is a shrewd lad,' said the old man. + +'He appears,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff in his most candid manner, 'to be +very shrewd.' + +'And careful,' said the old man. + +'And careful, I have no doubt,' returned Mr Pecksniff. + +'Look ye!' said Anthony in his ear. 'I think he is sweet upon you +daughter.' + +'Tut, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his eyes still closed; +'young people--young people--a kind of cousins, too--no more sweetness +than is in that, sir.' + +'Why, there is very little sweetness in that, according to our +experience,' returned Anthony. 'Isn't there a trifle more here?' + +'Impossible to say,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff. 'Quite impossible! You +surprise me.' + +'Yes, I know that,' said the old man, drily. 'It may last; I mean the +sweetness, not the surprise; and it may die off. Supposing it should +last, perhaps (you having feathered your nest pretty well, and I having +done the same), we might have a mutual interest in the matter.' + +Mr Pecksniff, smiling gently, was about to speak, but Anthony stopped +him. + +'I know what you are going to say. It's quite unnecessary. You have +never thought of this for a moment; and in a point so nearly affecting +the happiness of your dear child, you couldn't, as a tender father, +express an opinion; and so forth. Yes, quite right. And like you! But it +seems to me, my dear Pecksniff,' added Anthony, laying his hand upon +his sleeve, 'that if you and I kept up the joke of pretending not to see +this, one of us might possibly be placed in a position of disadvantage; +and as I am very unwilling to be that party myself, you will excuse my +taking the liberty of putting the matter beyond a doubt thus early; and +having it distinctly understood, as it is now, that we do see it, and do +know it. Thank you for your attention. We are now upon an equal footing; +which is agreeable to us both, I am sure.' + +He rose as he spoke; and giving Mr Pecksniff a nod of intelligence, +moved away from him to where the young people were sitting; leaving that +good man somewhat puzzled and discomfited by such very plain dealing, +and not quite free from a sense of having been foiled in the exercise of +his familiar weapons. + +But the night-coach had a punctual character, and it was time to join +it at the office; which was so near at hand that they had already sent +their luggage and arranged to walk. Thither the whole party repaired, +therefore, after no more delay than sufficed for the equipment of the +Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers. They found the coach already at its +starting-place, and the horses in; there, too, were a large majority +of the commercial gentlemen, including the youngest, who was visibly +agitated, and in a state of deep mental dejection. + +Nothing could equal the distress of Mrs Todgers in parting from the +young ladies, except the strong emotions with which she bade adieu to Mr +Pecksniff. Never surely was a pocket-handkerchief taken in and out of +a flat reticule so often as Mrs Todgers's was, as she stood upon the +pavement by the coach-door supported on either side by a commercial +gentleman; and by the sight of the coach-lamps caught such brief +snatches and glimpses of the good man's face, as the constant +interposition of Mr Jinkins allowed. For Jinkins, to the last the +youngest gentleman's rock a-head in life, stood upon the coachstep +talking to the ladies. Upon the other step was Mr Jonas, who maintained +that position in right of his cousinship; whereas the youngest +gentleman, who had been first upon the ground, was deep in the +booking-office among the black and red placards, and the portraits of +fast coaches, where he was ignominiously harassed by porters, and had to +contend and strive perpetually with heavy baggage. This false +position, combined with his nervous excitement, brought about the very +consummation and catastrophe of his miseries; for when in the moment of +parting he aimed a flower, a hothouse flower that had cost money, at the +fair hand of Mercy, it reached, instead, the coachman on the box, who +thanked him kindly, and stuck it in his buttonhole. + +They were off now; and Todgers's was alone again. The two young ladies, +leaning back in their separate corners, resigned themselves to their +own regretful thoughts. But Mr Pecksniff, dismissing all ephemeral +considerations of social pleasure and enjoyment, concentrated his +meditations on the one great virtuous purpose before him, of casting +out that ingrate and deceiver, whose presence yet troubled his domestic +hearth, and was a sacrilege upon the altars of his household gods. + + + +CHAPTER TWELVE + +WILL BE SEEN IN THE LONG RUN, IF NOT IN THE SHORT ONE, TO CONCERN MR +PINCH AND OTHERS, NEARLY. MR PECKSNIFF ASSERTS THE DIGNITY OF OUTRAGED +VIRTUE. YOUNG MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT FORMS A DESPERATE RESOLUTION + + +Mr Pinch and Martin, little dreaming of the stormy weather that +impended, made themselves very comfortable in the Pecksniffian halls, +and improved their friendship daily. Martin's facility, both of +invention and execution, being remarkable, the grammar-school proceeded +with great vigour; and Tom repeatedly declared, that if there were +anything like certainty in human affairs, or impartiality in human +judges, a design so new and full of merit could not fail to carry off +the first prize when the time of competition arrived. Without being +quite so sanguine himself, Martin had his hopeful anticipations too; and +they served to make him brisk and eager at his task. + +'If I should turn out a great architect, Tom,' said the new pupil one +day, as he stood at a little distance from his drawing, and eyed it with +much complacency, 'I'll tell you what should be one of the things I'd +build.' + +'Aye!' cried Tom. 'What?' + +'Why, your fortune.' + +'No!' said Tom Pinch, quite as much delighted as if the thing were done. +'Would you though? How kind of you to say so.' + +'I'd build it up, Tom,' returned Martin, 'on such a strong foundation, +that it should last your life--aye, and your children's lives too, and +their children's after them. I'd be your patron, Tom. I'd take you under +my protection. Let me see the man who should give the cold shoulder to +anybody I chose to protect and patronise, if I were at the top of the +tree, Tom!' + +'Now, I don't think,' said Mr Pinch, 'upon my word, that I was ever more +gratified than by this. I really don't.' + +'Oh! I mean what I say,' retorted Martin, with a manner as free and easy +in its condescension to, not to say in its compassion for, the other, as +if he were already First Architect in ordinary to all the Crowned Heads +in Europe. 'I'd do it. I'd provide for you.' + +'I am afraid,' said Tom, shaking his head, 'that I should be a mighty +awkward person to provide for.' + +'Pooh, pooh!' rejoined Martin. 'Never mind that. If I took it in my head +to say, "Pinch is a clever fellow; I approve of Pinch;" I should like +to know the man who would venture to put himself in opposition to me. +Besides, confound it, Tom, you could be useful to me in a hundred ways.' + +'If I were not useful in one or two, it shouldn't be for want of +trying,' said Tom. + +'For instance,' pursued Martin, after a short reflection, 'you'd be a +capital fellow, now, to see that my ideas were properly carried out; and +to overlook the works in their progress before they were sufficiently +advanced to be very interesting to ME; and to take all that sort of +plain sailing. Then you'd be a splendid fellow to show people over my +studio, and to talk about Art to 'em, when I couldn't be bored myself, +and all that kind of thing. For it would be devilish creditable, Tom +(I'm quite in earnest, I give you my word), to have a man of your +information about one, instead of some ordinary blockhead. Oh, I'd take +care of you. You'd be useful, rely upon it!' + +To say that Tom had no idea of playing first fiddle in any social +orchestra, but was always quite satisfied to be set down for the hundred +and fiftieth violin in the band, or thereabouts, is to express his +modesty in very inadequate terms. He was much delighted, therefore, by +these observations. + +'I should be married to her then, Tom, of course,' said Martin. + +What was that which checked Tom Pinch so suddenly, in the high flow +of his gladness; bringing the blood into his honest cheeks, and a +remorseful feeling to his honest heart, as if he were unworthy of his +friend's regard? + +'I should be married to her then,' said Martin, looking with a smile +towards the light; 'and we should have, I hope, children about us. +They'd be very fond of you, Tom.' + +But not a word said Mr Pinch. The words he would have uttered died upon +his lips, and found a life more spiritual in self-denying thoughts. + +'All the children hereabouts are fond of you, Tom, and mine would be, +of course,' pursued Martin. 'Perhaps I might name one of 'em after +you. Tom, eh? Well, I don't know. Tom's not a bad name. Thomas Pinch +Chuzzlewit. T. P. C. on his pinafores--no objection to that, I should +say?' + +Tom cleared his throat, and smiled. + +'SHE would like you, Tom, I know,' said Martin. + +'Aye!' cried Tom Pinch, faintly. + +'I can tell exactly what she would think of you,' said Martin leaning +his chin upon his hand, and looking through the window-glass as if he +read there what he said; 'I know her so well. She would smile, Tom, +often at first when you spoke to her, or when she looked at you--merrily +too--but you wouldn't mind that. A brighter smile you never saw.' + +'No, no,' said Tom. 'I wouldn't mind that.' + +'She would be as tender with you, Tom,' said Martin, 'as if you were a +child yourself. So you are almost, in some things, an't you, Tom?' + +Mr Pinch nodded his entire assent. + +'She would always be kind and good-humoured, and glad to see you,' said +Martin; 'and when she found out exactly what sort of fellow you were +(which she'd do very soon), she would pretend to give you little +commissions to execute, and to ask little services of you, which she +knew you were burning to render; so that when she really pleased you +most, she would try to make you think you most pleased her. She +would take to you uncommonly, Tom; and would understand you far more +delicately than I ever shall; and would often say, I know, that you were +a harmless, gentle, well-intentioned, good fellow.' + +How silent Tom Pinch was! + +'In honour of old time,' said Martin, 'and of her having heard you play +the organ in this damp little church down here--for nothing too--we will +have one in the house. I shall build an architectural music-room on a +plan of my own, and it'll look rather knowing in a recess at one end. +There you shall play away, Tom, till you tire yourself; and, as you like +to do so in the dark, it shall BE dark; and many's the summer evening +she and I will sit and listen to you, Tom; be sure of that!' + +It may have required a stronger effort on Tom Pinch's part to leave the +seat on which he sat, and shake his friend by both hands, with nothing +but serenity and grateful feeling painted on his face; it may have +required a stronger effort to perform this simple act with a pure heart, +than to achieve many and many a deed to which the doubtful trumpet blown +by Fame has lustily resounded. Doubtful, because from its long hovering +over scenes of violence, the smoke and steam of death have clogged the +keys of that brave instrument; and it is not always that its notes are +either true or tuneful. + +'It's a proof of the kindness of human nature,' said Tom, +characteristically putting himself quite out of sight in the matter, +'that everybody who comes here, as you have done, is more considerate +and affectionate to me than I should have any right to hope, if I were +the most sanguine creature in the world; or should have any power to +express, if I were the most eloquent. It really overpowers me. But trust +me,' said Tom, 'that I am not ungrateful--that I never forget--and that +if I can ever prove the truth of my words to you, I will.' + +'That's all right,' observed Martin, leaning back in his chair with a +hand in each pocket, and yawning drearily. 'Very fine talking, Tom; +but I'm at Pecksniff's, I remember, and perhaps a mile or so out of the +high-road to fortune just at this minute. So you've heard again this +morning from what's his name, eh?' + +'Who may that be?' asked Tom, seeming to enter a mild protest on behalf +of the dignity of an absent person. + +'YOU know. What is it? Northkey.' + +'Westlock,' rejoined Tom, in rather a louder tone than usual. + +'Ah! to be sure,' said Martin, 'Westlock. I knew it was something +connected with a point of the compass and a door. Well! and what says +Westlock?' + +'Oh! he has come into his property,' answered Tom, nodding his head, and +smiling. + +'He's a lucky dog,' said Martin. 'I wish it were mine instead. Is that +all the mystery you were to tell me?' + +'No,' said Tom; 'not all.' + +'What's the rest?' asked Martin. + +'For the matter of that,' said Tom, 'it's no mystery, and you won't +think much of it; but it's very pleasant to me. John always used to say +when he was here, "Mark my words, Pinch. When my father's executors cash +up"--he used strange expressions now and then, but that was his way.' + +'Cash-up's a very good expression,' observed Martin, 'when other people +don't apply it to you. Well!--What a slow fellow you are, Pinch!' + +'Yes, I am I know,' said Tom; 'but you'll make me nervous if you tell me +so. I'm afraid you have put me out a little now, for I forget what I was +going to say.' + +'When John's father's executors cashed up,' said Martin impatiently. + +'Oh yes, to be sure,' cried Tom; 'yes. "Then," says John, "I'll give you +a dinner, Pinch, and come down to Salisbury on purpose." Now, when John +wrote the other day--the morning Pecksniff left, you know--he said his +business was on the point of being immediately settled, and as he was to +receive his money directly, when could I meet him at Salisbury? I wrote +and said, any day this week; and I told him besides, that there was a +new pupil here, and what a fine fellow you were, and what friends we +had become. Upon which John writes back this letter'--Tom produced +it--'fixes to-morrow; sends his compliments to you; and begs that we +three may have the pleasure of dining together; not at the house where +you and I were, either; but at the very first hotel in the town. Read +what he says.' + +'Very well,' said Martin, glancing over it with his customary coolness; +'much obliged to him. I'm agreeable.' + +Tom could have wished him to be a little more astonished, a little more +pleased, or in some form or other a little more interested in such a +great event. But he was perfectly self-possessed; and falling into his +favourite solace of whistling, took another turn at the grammar-school, +as if nothing at all had happened. + +Mr Pecksniff's horse being regarded in the light of a sacred animal, +only to be driven by him, the chief priest of that temple, or by some +person distinctly nominated for the time being to that high office by +himself, the two young men agreed to walk to Salisbury; and so, when the +time came, they set off on foot; which was, after all, a better mode of +travelling than in the gig, as the weather was very cold and very dry. + +Better! A rare strong, hearty, healthy walk--four statute miles an +hour--preferable to that rumbling, tumbling, jolting, shaking, scraping, +creaking, villanous old gig? Why, the two things will not admit of +comparison. It is an insult to the walk, to set them side by side. Where +is an instance of a gig having ever circulated a man's blood, unless +when, putting him in danger of his neck, it awakened in his veins and in +his ears, and all along his spine, a tingling heat, much more peculiar +than agreeable? When did a gig ever sharpen anybody's wits and energies, +unless it was when the horse bolted, and, crashing madly down a steep +hill with a stone wall at the bottom, his desperate circumstances +suggested to the only gentleman left inside, some novel and unheard-of +mode of dropping out behind? Better than the gig! + +The air was cold, Tom; so it was, there was no denying it; but would +it have been more genial in the gig? The blacksmith's fire burned very +bright, and leaped up high, as though it wanted men to warm; but would +it have been less tempting, looked at from the clammy cushions of a gig? +The wind blew keenly, nipping the features of the hardy wight who fought +his way along; blinding him with his own hair if he had enough to it, +and wintry dust if he hadn't; stopping his breath as though he had been +soused in a cold bath; tearing aside his wrappings-up, and whistling in +the very marrow of his bones; but it would have done all this a hundred +times more fiercely to a man in a gig, wouldn't it? A fig for gigs! + +Better than the gig! When were travellers by wheels and hoofs seen with +such red-hot cheeks as those? when were they so good-humouredly and +merrily bloused? when did their laughter ring upon the air, as they +turned them round, what time the stronger gusts came sweeping up; and, +facing round again as they passed by, dashed on, in such a glow of +ruddy health as nothing could keep pace with, but the high spirits it +engendered? Better than the gig! Why, here is a man in a gig coming +the same way now. Look at him as he passes his whip into his left hand, +chafes his numbed right fingers on his granite leg, and beats those +marble toes of his upon the foot-board. Ha, ha, ha! Who would exchange +this rapid hurry of the blood for yonder stagnant misery, though its +pace were twenty miles for one? + +Better than the gig! No man in a gig could have such interest in the +milestones. No man in a gig could see, or feel, or think, like merry +users of their legs. How, as the wind sweeps on, upon these breezy +downs, it tracks its flight in darkening ripples on the grass, and +smoothest shadows on the hills! Look round and round upon this bare +bleak plain, and see even here, upon a winter's day, how beautiful +the shadows are! Alas! it is the nature of their kind to be so. The +loveliest things in life, Tom, are but shadows; and they come and go, +and change and fade away, as rapidly as these! + +Another mile, and then begins a fall of snow, making the crow, who skims +away so close above the ground to shirk the wind, a blot of ink upon the +landscape. But though it drives and drifts against them as they walk, +stiffening on their skirts, and freezing in the lashes of their eyes, +they wouldn't have it fall more sparingly, no, not so much as by a +single flake, although they had to go a score of miles. And, lo! the +towers of the Old Cathedral rise before them, even now! and by-and-bye +they come into the sheltered streets, made strangely silent by their +white carpet; and so to the Inn for which they are bound; where they +present such flushed and burning faces to the cold waiter, and are so +brimful of vigour, that he almost feels assaulted by their presence; +and, having nothing to oppose to the attack (being fresh, or rather +stale, from the blazing fire in the coffee-room), is quite put out of +his pale countenance. + +A famous Inn! the hall a very grove of dead game, and dangling joints +of mutton; and in one corner an illustrious larder, with glass doors, +developing cold fowls and noble joints, and tarts wherein the raspberry +jam coyly withdrew itself, as such a precious creature should, behind a +lattice work of pastry. And behold, on the first floor, at the court-end +of the house, in a room with all the window-curtains drawn, a fire piled +half-way up the chimney, plates warming before it, wax candles gleaming +everywhere, and a table spread for three, with silver and glass enough +for thirty--John Westlock; not the old John of Pecksniff's, but a proper +gentleman; looking another and a grander person, with the consciousness +of being his own master and having money in the bank; and yet in some +respects the old John too, for he seized Tom Pinch by both his hands the +instant he appeared, and fairly hugged him, in his cordial welcome. + +'And this,' said John, 'is Mr Chuzzlewit. I am very glad to see +him!'--John had an off-hand manner of his own; so they shook hands +warmly, and were friends in no time. + +'Stand off a moment, Tom,' cried the old pupil, laying one hand on each +of Mr Pinch's shoulders, and holding him out at arm's length. 'Let me +look at you! Just the same! Not a bit changed!' + +'Why, it's not so very long ago, you know,' said Tom Pinch, 'after all.' + +'It seems an age to me,' cried John, 'and so it ought to seem to you, +you dog.' And then he pushed Tom down into the easiest chair, and +clapped him on the back so heartily, and so like his old self in their +old bedroom at old Pecksniff's that it was a toss-up with Tom Pinch +whether he should laugh or cry. Laughter won it; and they all three +laughed together. + +'I have ordered everything for dinner, that we used to say we'd have, +Tom,' observed John Westlock. + +'No!' said Tom Pinch. 'Have you?' + +'Everything. Don't laugh, if you can help it, before the waiters. I +couldn't when I was ordering it. It's like a dream.' + +John was wrong there, because nobody ever dreamed such soup as was put +upon the table directly afterwards; or such fish; or such side-dishes; +or such a top and bottom; or such a course of birds and sweets; or +in short anything approaching the reality of that entertainment at +ten-and-sixpence a head, exclusive of wines. As to THEM, the man who can +dream such iced champagne, such claret, port, or sherry, had better go +to bed and stop there. + +But perhaps the finest feature of the banquet was, that nobody was half +so much amazed by everything as John himself, who in his high delight +was constantly bursting into fits of laughter, and then endeavouring +to appear preternaturally solemn, lest the waiters should conceive he +wasn't used to it. Some of the things they brought him to carve, were +such outrageous practical jokes, though, that it was impossible to stand +it; and when Tom Pinch insisted, in spite of the deferential advice of +an attendant, not only on breaking down the outer wall of a raised pie +with a tablespoon, but on trying to eat it afterwards, John lost all +dignity, and sat behind the gorgeous dish-cover at the head of the +table, roaring to that extent that he was audible in the kitchen. Nor +had he the least objection to laugh at himself, as he demonstrated when +they had all three gathered round the fire and the dessert was on +the table; at which period the head waiter inquired with respectful +solicitude whether that port, being a light and tawny wine, was suited +to his taste, or whether he would wish to try a fruity port with greater +body. To this John gravely answered that he was well satisfied with what +he had, which he esteemed, as one might say, a pretty tidy vintage; +for which the waiter thanked him and withdrew. And then John told his +friends, with a broad grin, that he supposed it was all right, but he +didn't know; and went off into a perfect shout. + +They were very merry and full of enjoyment the whole time, but not the +least pleasant part of the festival was when they all three sat about +the fire, cracking nuts, drinking wine and talking cheerfully. It +happened that Tom Pinch had a word to say to his friend the organist's +assistant, and so deserted his warm corner for a few minutes at this +season, lest it should grow too late; leaving the other two young men +together. + +They drank his health in his absence, of course; and John Westlock took +that opportunity of saying, that he had never had even a peevish word +with Tom during the whole term of their residence in Mr Pecksniff's +house. This naturally led him to dwell upon Tom's character, and to hint +that Mr Pecksniff understood it pretty well. He only hinted this, and +very distantly; knowing that it pained Tom Pinch to have that gentleman +disparaged, and thinking it would be as well to leave the new pupil to +his own discoveries. + +'Yes,' said Martin. 'It's impossible to like Pinch better than I do, +or to do greater justice to his good qualities. He is the most willing +fellow I ever saw.' + +'He's rather too willing,' observed John, who was quick in observation. +'It's quite a fault in him.' + +'So it is,' said Martin. 'Very true. There was a fellow only a week or +so ago--a Mr Tigg--who borrowed all the money he had, on a promise to +repay it in a few days. It was but half a sovereign, to be sure; but +it's well it was no more, for he'll never see it again.' + +'Poor fellow!' said John, who had been very attentive to these few +words. 'Perhaps you have not had an opportunity of observing that, in +his own pecuniary transactions, Tom's proud.' + +'You don't say so! No, I haven't. What do you mean? Won't he borrow?' + +John Westlock shook his head. + +'That's very odd,' said Martin, setting down his empty glass. 'He's a +strange compound, to be sure.' + +'As to receiving money as a gift,' resumed John Westlock; 'I think he'd +die first.' + +'He's made up of simplicity,' said Martin. 'Help yourself.' + +'You, however,' pursued John, filling his own glass, and looking at his +companion with some curiosity, 'who are older than the majority of Mr +Pecksniff's assistants, and have evidently had much more experience, +understand him, I have no doubt, and see how liable he is to be imposed +upon.' + +'Certainly,' said Martin, stretching out his legs, and holding his wine +between his eye and the light. 'Mr Pecksniff knows that too. So do his +daughters. Eh?' + +John Westlock smiled, but made no answer. + +'By the bye,' said Martin, 'that reminds me. What's your opinion of +Pecksniff? How did he use you? What do you think of him now?--Coolly, +you know, when it's all over?' + +'Ask Pinch,' returned the old pupil. 'He knows what my sentiments used +to be upon the subject. They are not changed, I assure you.' + +'No, no,' said Martin, 'I'd rather have them from you.' + +'But Pinch says they are unjust,' urged John with a smile. + +'Oh! well! Then I know what course they take beforehand,' said Martin; +'and, therefore, you can have no delicacy in speaking plainly. Don't +mind me, I beg. I don't like him I tell you frankly. I am with him +because it happens from particular circumstances to suit my convenience. +I have some ability, I believe, in that way; and the obligation, if any, +will most likely be on his side and not mine. At the lowest mark, the +balance will be even, and there'll be no obligation at all. So you may +talk to me, as if I had no connection with him.' + +'If you press me to give my opinion--' returned John Westlock. + +'Yes, I do,' said Martin. 'You'll oblige me.' + +'--I should say,' resumed the other, 'that he is the most consummate +scoundrel on the face of the earth.' + +'Oh!' said Martin, as coolly as ever. 'That's rather strong.' + +'Not stronger than he deserves,' said John; 'and if he called upon me +to express my opinion of him to his face, I would do so in the very same +terms, without the least qualification. His treatment of Pinch is in +itself enough to justify them; but when I look back upon the five years +I passed in that house, and remember the hyprocrisy, the knavery, the +meannesses, the false pretences, the lip service of that fellow, and +his trading in saintly semblances for the very worst realities; when +I remember how often I was the witness of all this and how often I was +made a kind of party to it, by the fact of being there, with him for my +teacher; I swear to you that I almost despise myself.' + +Martin drained his glass, and looked at the fire. + +'I don't mean to say that is a right feeling,' pursued John Westlock +'because it was no fault of mine; and I can quite understand--you for +instance, fully appreciating him, and yet being forced by circumstances +to remain there. I tell you simply what my feeling is; and even now, +when, as you say, it's all over; and when I have the satisfaction of +knowing that he always hated me, and we always quarrelled, and I always +told him my mind; even now, I feel sorry that I didn't yield to an +impulse I often had, as a boy, of running away from him and going +abroad.' + +'Why abroad?' asked Martin, turning his eyes upon the speaker. + +'In search,' replied John Westlock, shrugging his shoulders, 'of +the livelihood I couldn't have earned at home. There would have been +something spirited in that. But, come! Fill your glass, and let us +forget him.' + +'As soon as you please,' said Martin. 'In reference to myself and my +connection with him, I have only to repeat what I said before. I have +taken my own way with him so far, and shall continue to do so, even more +than ever; for the fact is, to tell you the truth, that I believe he +looks to me to supply his defects, and couldn't afford to lose me. I had +a notion of that in first going there. Your health!' + +'Thank you,' returned young Westlock. 'Yours. And may the new pupil turn +out as well as you can desire!' + +'What new pupil?' + +'The fortunate youth, born under an auspicious star,' returned John +Westlock, laughing; 'whose parents, or guardians, are destined to be +hooked by the advertisement. What! Don't you know that he has advertised +again?' + +'No.' + +'Oh, yes. I read it just before dinner in the old newspaper. I know it +to be his; having some reason to remember the style. Hush! Here's Pinch. +Strange, is it not, that the more he likes Pecksniff (if he can like him +better than he does), the greater reason one has to like HIM? Not a word +more, or we shall spoil his whole enjoyment.' + +Tom entered as the words were spoken, with a radiant smile upon his +face; and rubbing his hands, more from a sense of delight than because +he was cold (for he had been running fast), sat down in his warm corner +again, and was as happy as only Tom Pinch could be. There is no other +simile that will express his state of mind. + +'And so,' he said, when he had gazed at his friend for some time in +silent pleasure, 'so you really are a gentleman at last, John. Well, to +be sure!' + +'Trying to be, Tom; trying to be,' he rejoined good-humouredly. 'There +is no saying what I may turn out, in time.' + +'I suppose you wouldn't carry your own box to the mail now?' said Tom +Pinch, smiling; 'although you lost it altogether by not taking it.' + +'Wouldn't I?' retorted John. 'That's all you know about it, Pinch. +It must be a very heavy box that I wouldn't carry to get away from +Pecksniff's, Tom.' + +'There!' cried Pinch, turning to Martin, 'I told you so. The great fault +in his character is his injustice to Pecksniff. You mustn't mind a word +he says on that subject. His prejudice is most extraordinary.' + +'The absence of anything like prejudice on Tom's part, you know,' said +John Westlock, laughing heartily, as he laid his hand on Mr Pinch's +shoulder, 'is perfectly wonderful. If one man ever had a profound +knowledge of another, and saw him in a true light, and in his own proper +colours, Tom has that knowledge of Mr Pecksniff.' + +'Why, of course I have,' cried Tom. 'That's exactly what I have so often +said to you. If you knew him as well as I do--John, I'd give almost any +money to bring that about--you'd admire, respect, and reverence him. You +couldn't help it. Oh, how you wounded his feelings when you went away!' + +'If I had known whereabout his feelings lay,' retorted young Westlock, +'I'd have done my best, Tom, with that end in view, you may depend upon +it. But as I couldn't wound him in what he has not, and in what he knows +nothing of, except in his ability to probe them to the quick in other +people, I am afraid I can lay no claim to your compliment.' + +Mr Pinch, being unwilling to protract a discussion which might possibly +corrupt Martin, forbore to say anything in reply to this speech; but +John Westlock, whom nothing short of an iron gag would have +silenced when Mr Pecksniff's merits were once in question, continued +notwithstanding. + +'HIS feelings! Oh, he's a tender-hearted man. HIS feelings! Oh, he's a +considerate, conscientious, self-examining, moral vagabond, he is! HIS +feelings! Oh!--what's the matter, Tom?' + +Mr Pinch was by this time erect upon the hearth-rug, buttoning his coat +with great energy. + +'I can't bear it,' said Tom, shaking his head. 'No. I really cannot. You +must excuse me, John. I have a great esteem and friendship for you; +I love you very much; and have been perfectly charmed and overjoyed +to-day, to find you just the same as ever; but I cannot listen to this.' + +'Why, it's my old way, Tom; and you say yourself that you are glad to +find me unchanged.' + +'Not in this respect,' said Tom Pinch. 'You must excuse me, John. I +cannot, really; I will not. It's very wrong; you should be more guarded +in your expressions. It was bad enough when you and I used to be alone +together, but under existing circumstances, I can't endure it, really. +No. I cannot, indeed.' + +'You are quite right!' exclaimed the other, exchanging looks with +Martin. 'and I am quite wrong, Tom, I don't know how the deuce we fell +on this unlucky theme. I beg your pardon with all my heart.' + +'You have a free and manly temper, I know,' said Pinch; 'and therefore, +your being so ungenerous in this one solitary instance, only grieves +me the more. It's not my pardon you have to ask, John. You have done ME +nothing but kindnesses.' + +'Well! Pecksniff's pardon then,' said young Westlock. 'Anything Tom, +or anybody. Pecksniff's pardon--will that do? Here! let us drink +Pecksniff's health!' + +'Thank you,' cried Tom, shaking hands with him eagerly, and filling +a bumper. 'Thank you; I'll drink it with all my heart, John. Mr +Pecksniff's health, and prosperity to him!' + +John Westlock echoed the sentiment, or nearly so; for he drank Mr +Pecksniff's health, and Something to him--but what, was not quite +audible. The general unanimity being then completely restored, they drew +their chairs closer round the fire, and conversed in perfect harmony and +enjoyment until bed-time. + +No slight circumstance, perhaps, could have better illustrated the +difference of character between John Westlock and Martin Chuzzlewit, +than the manner in which each of the young men contemplated Tom Pinch, +after the little rupture just described. There was a certain amount of +jocularity in the looks of both, no doubt, but there all resemblance +ceased. The old pupil could not do enough to show Tom how cordially he +felt towards him, and his friendly regard seemed of a graver and more +thoughtful kind than before. The new one, on the other hand, had no +impulse but to laugh at the recollection of Tom's extreme absurdity; +and mingled with his amusement there was something slighting and +contemptuous, indicative, as it appeared, of his opinion that Mr Pinch +was much too far gone in simplicity to be admitted as the friend, on +serious and equal terms, of any rational man. + +John Westlock, who did nothing by halves, if he could help it, had +provided beds for his two guests in the hotel; and after a very happy +evening, they retired. Mr Pinch was sitting on the side of his bed with +his cravat and shoes off, ruminating on the manifold good qualities of +his old friend, when he was interrupted by a knock at his chamber door, +and the voice of John himself. + +'You're not asleep yet, are you, Tom?' + +'Bless you, no! not I. I was thinking of you,' replied Tom, opening the +door. 'Come in.' + +'I am not going to detail you,' said John; 'but I have forgotten all the +evening a little commission I took upon myself; and I am afraid I may +forget it again, if I fail to discharge it at once. You know a Mr Tigg, +Tom, I believe?' + +'Tigg!' cried Tom. 'Tigg! The gentleman who borrowed some money of me?' + +'Exactly,' said John Westlock. 'He begged me to present his compliments, +and to return it with many thanks. Here it is. I suppose it's a good +one, but he is rather a doubtful kind of customer, Tom.' + +Mr Pinch received the little piece of gold with a face whose brightness +might have shamed the metal; and said he had no fear about that. He +was glad, he added, to find Mr Tigg so prompt and honourable in his +dealings; very glad. + +'Why, to tell you the truth, Tom,' replied his friend, 'he is not always +so. If you'll take my advice, you'll avoid him as much as you can, in +the event of your encountering him again. And by no means, Tom--pray +bear this in mind, for I am very serious--by no means lend him money any +more.' + +'Aye, aye!' said Tom, with his eyes wide open. + +'He is very far from being a reputable acquaintance,' returned young +Westlock; 'and the more you let him know you think so, the better for +you, Tom.' + +'I say, John,' quoth Mr Pinch, as his countenance fell, and he shook +his head in a dejected manner. 'I hope you are not getting into bad +company.' + +'No, no,' he replied laughing. 'Don't be uneasy on that score.' + +'Oh, but I AM uneasy,' said Tom Pinch; 'I can't help it, when I hear you +talking in that way. If Mr Tigg is what you describe him to be, you have +no business to know him, John. You may laugh, but I don't consider it by +any means a laughing matter, I assure you.' + +'No, no,' returned his friend, composing his features. 'Quite right. It +is not, certainly.' + +'You know, John,' said Mr Pinch, 'your very good nature and kindness of +heart make you thoughtless, and you can't be too careful on such a +point as this. Upon my word, if I thought you were falling among bad +companions, I should be quite wretched, for I know how difficult you +would find it to shake them off. I would much rather have lost this +money, John, than I would have had it back again on such terms.' + +'I tell you, my dear good old fellow,' cried his friend, shaking him +to and fro with both hands, and smiling at him with a cheerful, open +countenance, that would have carried conviction to a mind much more +suspicious than Tom's; 'I tell you there is no danger.' + +'Well!' cried Tom, 'I am glad to hear it; I am overjoyed to hear it. I +am sure there is not, when you say so in that manner. You won't take it +ill, John, that I said what I did just now!' + +'Ill!' said the other, giving his hand a hearty squeeze; 'why what +do you think I am made of? Mr Tigg and I are not on such an intimate +footing that you need be at all uneasy, I give you my solemn assurance +of that, Tom. You are quite comfortable now?' + +'Quite,' said Tom. + +'Then once more, good night!' + +'Good night!' cried Tom; 'and such pleasant dreams to you as should +attend the sleep of the best fellow in the world!' + +'--Except Pecksniff,' said his friend, stopping at the door for a +moment, and looking gayly back. + +'Except Pecksniff,' answered Tom, with great gravity; 'of course.' + +And thus they parted for the night; John Westlock full of +light-heartedness and good humour, and poor Tom Pinch quite satisfied; +though still, as he turned over on his side in bed, he muttered to +himself, 'I really do wish, for all that, though, that he wasn't +acquainted with Mr Tigg.' + +They breakfasted together very early next morning, for the two young +men desired to get back again in good season; and John Westlock was to +return to London by the coach that day. As he had some hours to spare, +he bore them company for three or four miles on their walk, and +only parted from them at last in sheer necessity. The parting was an +unusually hearty one, not only as between him and Tom Pinch, but on the +side of Martin also, who had found in the old pupil a very different +sort of person from the milksop he had prepared himself to expect. + +Young Westlock stopped upon a rising ground, when he had gone a little +distance, and looked back. They were walking at a brisk pace, and Tom +appeared to be talking earnestly. Martin had taken off his greatcoat, +the wind being now behind them, and carried it upon his arm. As he +looked, he saw Tom relieve him of it, after a faint resistance, and, +throwing it upon his own, encumber himself with the weight of both. This +trivial incident impressed the old pupil mightily, for he stood there, +gazing after them, until they were hidden from his view; when he +shook his head, as if he were troubled by some uneasy reflection, and +thoughtfully retraced his steps to Salisbury. + +In the meantime, Martin and Tom pursued their way, until they halted, +safe and sound, at Mr Pecksniff's house, where a brief epistle from that +good gentleman to Mr Pinch announced the family's return by that night's +coach. As it would pass the corner of the lane at about six o'clock in +the morning, Mr Pecksniff requested that the gig might be in waiting at +the finger-post about that time, together with a cart for the luggage. +And to the end that he might be received with the greater honour, the +young men agreed to rise early, and be upon the spot themselves. + +It was the least cheerful day they had yet passed together. Martin +was out of spirits and out of humour, and took every opportunity of +comparing his condition and prospects with those of young Westlock; +much to his own disadvantage always. This mood of his depressed Tom; and +neither that morning's parting, nor yesterday's dinner, helped to mend +the matter. So the hours dragged on heavily enough; and they were glad +to go to bed early. + +They were not quite so glad to get up again at half-past four o'clock, +in all the shivering discomfort of a dark winter's morning; but they +turned out punctually, and were at the finger-post full half-an-hour +before the appointed time. It was not by any means a lively morning, for +the sky was black and cloudy, and it rained hard; but Martin said there +was some satisfaction in seeing that brute of a horse (by this, he meant +Mr Pecksniff's Arab steed) getting very wet; and that he rejoiced, on +his account, that it rained so fast. From this it may be inferred that +Martin's spirits had not improved, as indeed they had not; for while he +and Mr Pinch stood waiting under a hedge, looking at the rain, the gig, +the cart, and its reeking driver, he did nothing but grumble; and, but +that it is indispensable to any dispute that there should be two parties +to it, he would certainly have picked a quarrel with Tom. + +At length the noise of wheels was faintly audible in the distance and +presently the coach came splashing through the mud and mire with one +miserable outside passenger crouching down among wet straw, under a +saturated umbrella; and the coachman, guard, and horses, in a fellowship +of dripping wretchedness. Immediately on its stopping, Mr Pecksniff let +down the window-glass and hailed Tom Pinch. + +'Dear me, Mr Pinch! Is it possible that you are out upon this very +inclement morning?' + +'Yes, sir,' cried Tom, advancing eagerly, 'Mr Chuzzlewit and I, sir.' + +'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking not so much at Martin as at the spot on +which he stood. 'Oh! Indeed. Do me the favour to see to the trunks, if +you please, Mr Pinch.' + +Then Mr Pecksniff descended, and helped his daughters to alight; but +neither he nor the young ladies took the slightest notice of Martin, +who had advanced to offer his assistance, but was repulsed by Mr +Pecksniff's standing immediately before his person, with his back +towards him. In the same manner, and in profound silence, Mr Pecksniff +handed his daughters into the gig; and following himself and taking the +reins, drove off home. + +Lost in astonishment, Martin stood staring at the coach, and when the +coach had driven away, at Mr Pinch, and the luggage, until the cart +moved off too; when he said to Tom: + +'Now will you have the goodness to tell me what THIS portends?' + +'What?' asked Tom. + +'This fellow's behaviour. Mr Pecksniff's, I mean. You saw it?' + +'No. Indeed I did not,' cried Tom. 'I was busy with the trunks.' + +'It is no matter,' said Martin. 'Come! Let us make haste back!' And +without another word started off at such a pace, that Tom had some +difficulty in keeping up with him. + +He had no care where he went, but walked through little heaps of mud +and little pools of water with the utmost indifference; looking straight +before him, and sometimes laughing in a strange manner within himself. +Tom felt that anything he could say would only render him the more +obstinate, and therefore trusted to Mr Pecksniff's manner when they +reached the house, to remove the mistaken impression under which he felt +convinced so great a favourite as the new pupil must unquestionably be +labouring. But he was not a little amazed himself, when they did reach +it, and entered the parlour where Mr Pecksniff was sitting alone +before the fire, drinking some hot tea, to find that instead of taking +favourable notice of his relative and keeping him, Mr Pinch, in the +background, he did exactly the reverse, and was so lavish in his +attentions to Tom, that Tom was thoroughly confounded. + +'Take some tea, Mr Pinch--take some tea,' said Pecksniff, stirring the +fire. 'You must be very cold and damp. Pray take some tea, and come into +a warm place, Mr Pinch.' + +Tom saw that Martin looked at Mr Pecksniff as though he could have +easily found it in his heart to give HIM an invitation to a very warm +place; but he was quite silent, and standing opposite that gentleman at +the table, regarded him attentively. + +'Take a chair, Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'Take a chair, if you please. How +have things gone on in our absence, Mr Pinch?' + +'You--you will be very much pleased with the grammar-school, sir,' said +Tom. 'It's nearly finished.' + +'If you will have the goodness, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, waving his +hand and smiling, 'we will not discuss anything connected with that +question at present. What have YOU been doing, Thomas, humph?' + +Mr Pinch looked from master to pupil, and from pupil to master, and was +so perplexed and dismayed that he wanted presence of mind to answer +the question. In this awkward interval, Mr Pecksniff (who was perfectly +conscious of Martin's gaze, though he had never once glanced towards +him) poked the fire very much, and when he couldn't do that any more, +drank tea assiduously. + +'Now, Mr Pecksniff,' said Martin at last, in a very quiet voice, 'if you +have sufficiently refreshed and recovered yourself, I shall be glad to +hear what you mean by this treatment of me.' + +'And what,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning his eyes on Tom Pinch, even more +placidly and gently than before, 'what have YOU been doing, Thomas, +humph?' + +When he had repeated this inquiry, he looked round the walls of the room +as if he were curious to see whether any nails had been left there by +accident in former times. + +Tom was almost at his wit's end what to say between the two, and had +already made a gesture as if he would call Mr Pecksniff's attention to +the gentleman who had last addressed him, when Martin saved him further +trouble, by doing so himself. + +'Mr Pecksniff,' he said, softly rapping the table twice or thrice, and +moving a step or two nearer, so that he could have touched him with his +hand; 'you heard what I said just now. Do me the favour to reply, if you +please. I ask you'--he raised his voice a little here--'what you mean by +this?' + +'I will talk to you, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff in a severe voice, as he +looked at him for the first time, 'presently.' + +'You are very obliging,' returned Martin; 'presently will not do. I must +trouble you to talk to me at once.' + +Mr Pecksniff made a feint of being deeply interested in his pocketbook, +but it shook in his hands; he trembled so. + +'Now,' retorted Martin, rapping the table again. 'Now. Presently will +not do. Now!' + +'Do you threaten me, sir?' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +Martin looked at him, and made no answer; but a curious observer +might have detected an ominous twitching at his mouth, and perhaps +an involuntary attraction of his right hand in the direction of Mr +Pecksniff's cravat. + +'I lament to be obliged to say, sir,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, 'that it +would be quite in keeping with your character if you did threaten me. +You have deceived me. You have imposed upon a nature which you knew to +be confiding and unsuspicious. You have obtained admission, sir,' said +Mr Pecksniff, rising, 'to this house, on perverted statements and on +false pretences.' + +'Go on,' said Martin, with a scornful smile. 'I understand you now. What +more?' + +'Thus much more, sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, trembling from head to foot, +and trying to rub his hands, as though he were only cold. 'Thus much +more, if you force me to publish your shame before a third party, which +I was unwilling and indisposed to do. This lowly roof, sir, must not +be contaminated by the presence of one who has deceived, and cruelly +deceived, an honourable, beloved, venerated, and venerable gentleman; +and who wisely suppressed that deceit from me when he sought my +protection and favour, knowing that, humble as I am, I am an honest +man, seeking to do my duty in this carnal universe, and setting my face +against all vice and treachery. I weep for your depravity, sir,' said +Mr Pecksniff; 'I mourn over your corruption, I pity your voluntary +withdrawal of yourself from the flowery paths of purity and peace;' here +he struck himself upon his breast, or moral garden; 'but I cannot have +a leper and a serpent for an inmate. Go forth,' said Mr Pecksniff, +stretching out his hand: 'go forth, young man! Like all who know you, I +renounce you!' + +With what intention Martin made a stride forward at these words, it is +impossible to say. It is enough to know that Tom Pinch caught him in +his arms, and that, at the same moment, Mr Pecksniff stepped back so +hastily, that he missed his footing, tumbled over a chair, and fell in +a sitting posture on the ground; where he remained without an effort +to get up again, with his head in a corner, perhaps considering it the +safest place. + +'Let me go, Pinch!' cried Martin, shaking him away. 'Why do you hold me? +Do you think a blow could make him a more abject creature than he is? Do +you think that if I spat upon him, I could degrade him to a lower level +than his own? Look at him. Look at him, Pinch!' + +Mr Pinch involuntarily did so. Mr Pecksniff sitting, as has been +already mentioned, on the carpet, with his head in an acute angle of the +wainscot, and all the damage and detriment of an uncomfortable journey +about him, was not exactly a model of all that is prepossessing and +dignified in man, certainly. Still he WAS Pecksniff; it was impossible +to deprive him of that unique and paramount appeal to Tom. And he +returned Tom's glance, as if he would have said, 'Aye, Mr Pinch, look at +me! Here I am! You know what the Poet says about an honest man; and an +honest man is one of the few great works that can be seen for nothing! +Look at me!' + +'I tell you,' said Martin, 'that as he lies there, disgraced, bought, +used; a cloth for dirty hands, a mat for dirty feet, a lying, fawning, +servile hound, he is the very last and worst among the vermin of the +world. And mark me, Pinch! The day will come--he knows it; see it +written on his face, while I speak!--when even you will find him out, +and will know him as I do, and as he knows I do. HE renounce ME! +Cast your eyes on the Renouncer, Pinch, and be the wiser for the +recollection!' + +He pointed at him as he spoke, with unutterable contempt, and flinging +his hat upon his head, walked from the room and from the house. He went +so rapidly that he was already clear of the village, when he heard Tom +Pinch calling breathlessly after him in the distance. + +'Well! what now?' he said, when Tom came up. + +'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'are you going?' + +'Going!' he echoed. 'Going!' + +'I didn't so much mean that, as were you going now at once--in this bad +weather--on foot--without your clothes--with no money?' cried Tom. + +'Yes,' he answered sternly, 'I am.' + +'And where?' cried Tom. 'Oh where will you go?' + +'I don't know,' he said. 'Yes, I do. I'll go to America!' + +'No, no,' cried Tom, in a kind of agony. 'Don't go there. Pray don't. +Think better of it. Don't be so dreadfully regardless of yourself. Don't +go to America!' + +'My mind is made up,' he said. 'Your friend was right. I'll go to +America. God bless you, Pinch!' + +'Take this!' cried Tom, pressing a book upon him in great agitation. +'I must make haste back, and can't say anything I would. Heaven be with +you. Look at the leaf I have turned down. Good-bye, good-bye!' + +The simple fellow wrung him by the hand, with tears stealing down his +cheeks; and they parted hurriedly upon their separate ways. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN + +SHOWING WHAT BECAME OF MARTIN AND HIS DESPARATE RESOLVE, AFTER HE LEFT +MR PECKSNIFF'S HOUSE; WHAT PERSONS HE ENCOUNTERED; WHAT ANXIETIES HE +SUFFERED; AND WHAT NEWS HE HEARD + + +Carrying Tom Pinch's book quite unconsciously under his arm, and not +even buttoning his coat as a protection against the heavy rain, Martin +went doggedly forward at the same quick pace, until he had passed the +finger-post, and was on the high road to London. He slackened very +little in his speed even then, but he began to think, and look about +him, and to disengage his senses from the coil of angry passions which +hitherto had held them prisoner. + +It must be confessed that, at that moment, he had no very agreeable +employment either for his moral or his physical perceptions. The day was +dawning from a patch of watery light in the east, and sullen clouds +came driving up before it, from which the rain descended in a thick, wet +mist. It streamed from every twig and bramble in the hedge; made little +gullies in the path; ran down a hundred channels in the road; and +punched innumerable holes into the face of every pond and gutter. It +fell with an oozy, slushy sound among the grass; and made a muddy kennel +of every furrow in the ploughed fields. No living creature was anywhere +to be seen. The prospect could hardly have been more desolate if +animated nature had been dissolved in water, and poured down upon the +earth again in that form. + +The range of view within the solitary traveller was quite as cheerless +as the scene without. Friendless and penniless; incensed to the last +degree; deeply wounded in his pride and self-love; full of independent +schemes, and perfectly destitute of any means of realizing them; his +most vindictive enemy might have been satisfied with the extent of his +troubles. To add to his other miseries, he was by this time sensible of +being wet to the skin, and cold at his very heart. + +In this deplorable condition he remembered Mr Pinch's book; more +because it was rather troublesome to carry, than from any hope of being +comforted by that parting gift. He looked at the dingy lettering on the +back, and finding it to be an odd volume of the 'Bachelor of Salamanca,' +in the French tongue, cursed Tom Pinch's folly twenty times. He was on +the point of throwing it away, in his ill-humour and vexation, when he +bethought himself that Tom had referred him to a leaf, turned down; +and opening it at that place, that he might have additional cause +of complaint against him for supposing that any cold scrap of the +Bachelor's wisdom could cheer him in such circumstances, found!-- + +Well, well! not much, but Tom's all. The half-sovereign. He had wrapped +it hastily in a piece of paper, and pinned it to the leaf. These words +were scrawled in pencil on the inside: 'I don't want it indeed. I should +not know what to do with it if I had it.' + +There are some falsehoods, Tom, on which men mount, as on bright wings, +towards Heaven. There are some truths, cold bitter taunting truths, +wherein your worldly scholars are very apt and punctual, which bind men +down to earth with leaden chains. Who would not rather have to fan him, +in his dying hour, the lightest feather of a falsehood such as thine, +than all the quills that have been plucked from the sharp porcupine, +reproachful truth, since time began! + +Martin felt keenly for himself, and he felt this good deed of Tom's +keenly. After a few minutes it had the effect of raising his spirits, +and reminding him that he was not altogether destitute, as he had left +a fair stock of clothes behind him, and wore a gold hunting-watch in +his pocket. He found a curious gratification, too, in thinking what a +winning fellow he must be to have made such an impression on Tom; and in +reflecting how superior he was to Tom; and how much more likely to make +his way in the world. Animated by these thoughts, and strengthened in +his design of endeavouring to push his fortune in another country, he +resolved to get to London as a rallying-point, in the best way he could; +and to lose no time about it. + +He was ten good miles from the village made illustrious by being the +abiding-place of Mr Pecksniff, when he stopped to breakfast at a little +roadside alehouse; and resting upon a high-backed settle before the +fire, pulled off his coat, and hung it before the cheerful blaze to +dry. It was a very different place from the last tavern in which he +had regaled; boasting no greater extent of accommodation than the +brick-floored kitchen yielded; but the mind so soon accommodates itself +to the necessities of the body, that this poor waggoner's house-of-call, +which he would have despised yesterday, became now quite a choice hotel; +while his dish of eggs and bacon, and his mug of beer, were not by +any means the coarse fare he had supposed, but fully bore out the +inscription on the window-shutter, which proclaimed those viands to be +'Good entertainment for Travellers.' + +He pushed away his empty plate; and with a second mug upon the hearth +before him, looked thoughtfully at the fire until his eyes ached. Then +he looked at the highly-coloured scripture pieces on the walls, in +little black frames like common shaving-glasses, and saw how the Wise +Men (with a strong family likeness among them) worshipped in a pink +manger; and how the Prodigal Son came home in red rags to a purple +father, and already feasted his imagination on a sea-green calf. Then he +glanced through the window at the falling rain, coming down aslant upon +the sign-post over against the house, and overflowing the horse-trough; +and then he looked at the fire again, and seemed to descry a double +distant London, retreating among the fragments of the burning wood. + +He had repeated this process in just the same order, many times, as +if it were a matter of necessity, when the sound of wheels called his +attention to the window out of its regular turn; and there he beheld a +kind of light van drawn by four horses, and laden, as well as he could +see (for it was covered in), with corn and straw. The driver, who +was alone, stopped at the door to water his team, and presently came +stamping and shaking the wet off his hat and coat, into the room where +Martin sat. + +He was a red-faced burly young fellow; smart in his way, and with a +good-humoured countenance. As he advanced towards the fire he touched +his shining forehead with the forefinger of his stiff leather glove, +by way of salutation; and said (rather unnecessarily) that it was an +uncommon wet day. + +'Very wet,' said Martin. + +'I don't know as ever I see a wetter.' + +'I never felt one,' said Martin. + +The driver glanced at Martin's soiled dress, and his damp shirt-sleeves, +and his coat hung up to dry; and said, after a pause, as he warmed his +hands: + +'You have been caught in it, sir?' + +'Yes,' was the short reply. + +'Out riding, maybe?' said the driver + +'I should have been, if I owned a horse; but I don't,' returned Martin. + +'That's bad,' said the driver. + +'And may be worse,' said Martin. + +Now the driver said 'That's bad,' not so much because Martin didn't own +a horse, as because he said he didn't with all the reckless desperation +of his mood and circumstances, and so left a great deal to be inferred. +Martin put his hands in his pockets and whistled when he had retorted on +the driver; thus giving him to understand that he didn't care a pin for +Fortune; that he was above pretending to be her favourite when he was +not; and that he snapped his fingers at her, the driver, and everybody +else. + +The driver looked at him stealthily for a minute or so; and in the +pauses of his warming whistled too. At length he asked, as he pointed +his thumb towards the road. + +'Up or down?' + +'Which IS up?' said Martin. + +'London, of course,' said the driver. + +'Up then,' said Martin. He tossed his head in a careless manner +afterwards, as if he would have added, 'Now you know all about it.' +put his hands deeper into his pockets; changed his tune, and whistled a +little louder. + +'I'm going up,' observed the driver; 'Hounslow, ten miles this side +London.' + +'Are you?' cried Martin, stopping short and looking at him. + +The driver sprinkled the fire with his wet hat until it hissed again and +answered, 'Aye, to be sure he was.' + +'Why, then,' said Martin, 'I'll be plain with you. You may suppose from +my dress that I have money to spare. I have not. All I can afford for +coach-hire is a crown, for I have but two. If you can take me for that, +and my waistcoat, or this silk handkerchief, do. If you can't, leave it +alone.' + +'Short and sweet,' remarked the driver. + +'You want more?' said Martin. 'Then I haven't got more, and I can't get +it, so there's an end of that.' Whereupon he began to whistle again. + +'I didn't say I wanted more, did I?' asked the driver, with something +like indignation. + +'You didn't say my offer was enough,' rejoined Martin. + +'Why, how could I, when you wouldn't let me? In regard to the waistcoat, +I wouldn't have a man's waistcoat, much less a gentleman's waistcoat, +on my mind, for no consideration; but the silk handkerchief's another +thing; and if you was satisfied when we got to Hounslow, I shouldn't +object to that as a gift.' + +'Is it a bargain, then?' said Martin. + +'Yes, it is,' returned the other. + +'Then finish this beer,' said Martin, handing him the mug, and pulling +on his coat with great alacrity; 'and let us be off as soon as you +like.' + +In two minutes more he had paid his bill, which amounted to a shilling; +was lying at full length on a truss of straw, high and dry at the top +of the van, with the tilt a little open in front for the convenience of +talking to his new friend; and was moving along in the right direction +with a most satisfactory and encouraging briskness. + +The driver's name, as he soon informed Martin, was William Simmons, +better known as Bill; and his spruce appearance was sufficiently +explained by his connection with a large stage-coaching establishment at +Hounslow, whither he was conveying his load from a farm belonging to +the concern in Wiltshire. He was frequently up and down the road on such +errands, he said, and to look after the sick and rest horses, of which +animals he had much to relate that occupied a long time in the +telling. He aspired to the dignity of the regular box, and expected +an appointment on the first vacancy. He was musical besides, and had +a little key-bugle in his pocket, on which, whenever the conversation +flagged, he played the first part of a great many tunes, and regularly +broke down in the second. + +'Ah!' said Bill, with a sigh, as he drew the back of his hand across +his lips, and put this instrument in his pocket, after screwing off the +mouth-piece to drain it; 'Lummy Ned of the Light Salisbury, HE was the +one for musical talents. He WAS a guard. What you may call a Guard'an +Angel, was Ned.' + +'Is he dead?' asked Martin. + +'Dead!' replied the other, with a contemptuous emphasis. 'Not he. You +won't catch Ned a-dying easy. No, no. He knows better than that.' + +'You spoke of him in the past tense,' observed Martin, 'so I supposed he +was no more. + +'He's no more in England,' said Bill, 'if that's what you mean. He went +to the U-nited States.' + +'Did he?' asked Martin, with sudden interest. 'When?' + +'Five year ago, or then about,' said Bill. 'He had set up in the public +line here, and couldn't meet his engagements, so he cut off to Liverpool +one day, without saying anything about it, and went and shipped himself +for the U-nited States.' + +'Well?' said Martin. + +'Well! as he landed there without a penny to bless himself with, of +course they wos very glad to see him in the U-nited States.' + +'What do you mean?' asked Martin, with some scorn. + +'What do I mean?' said Bill. 'Why, THAT. All men are alike in the +U-nited States, an't they? It makes no odds whether a man has a thousand +pound, or nothing, there. Particular in New York, I'm told, where Ned +landed.' + +'New York, was it?' asked Martin, thoughtfully. + +'Yes,' said Bill. 'New York. I know that, because he sent word home that +it brought Old York to his mind, quite vivid, in consequence of being so +exactly unlike it in every respect. I don't understand what particular +business Ned turned his mind to, when he got there; but he wrote home +that him and his friends was always a-singing, Ale Columbia, and blowing +up the President, so I suppose it was something in the public line; or +free-and-easy way again. Anyhow, he made his fortune.' + +'No!' cried Martin. + +'Yes, he did,' said Bill. 'I know that, because he lost it all the day +after, in six-and-twenty banks as broke. He settled a lot of the notes +on his father, when it was ascertained that they was really stopped and +sent 'em over with a dutiful letter. I know that, because they was +shown down our yard for the old gentleman's benefit, that he might treat +himself with tobacco in the workus.' + +'He was a foolish fellow not to take care of his money when he had it,' +said Martin, indignantly. + +'There you're right,' said Bill, 'especially as it was all in paper, and +he might have took care of it so very easy, by folding it up in a small +parcel.' + +Martin said nothing in reply, but soon afterwards fell asleep, and +remained so for an hour or more. When he awoke, finding it had ceased +to rain, he took his seat beside the driver, and asked him several +questions; as how long had the fortunate guard of the Light Salisbury +been in crossing the Atlantic; at what time of the year had he sailed; +what was the name of the ship in which he made the voyage; how much had +he paid for passage-money; did he suffer greatly from sea-sickness? +and so forth. But on these points of detail his friend was possessed +of little or no information; either answering obviously at random or +acknowledging that he had never heard, or had forgotten; nor, although +he returned to the charge very often, could he obtain any useful +intelligence on these essential particulars. + +They jogged on all day, and stopped so often--now to refresh, now to +change their team of horses, now to exchange or bring away a set of +harness, now on one point of business, and now upon another, connected +with the coaching on that line of road--that it was midnight when they +reached Hounslow. A little short of the stables for which the van was +bound, Martin got down, paid his crown, and forced his silk handkerchief +upon his honest friend, notwithstanding the many protestations that he +didn't wish to deprive him of it, with which he tried to give the lie to +his longing looks. That done, they parted company; and when the van had +driven into its own yard and the gates were closed, Martin stood in the +dark street, with a pretty strong sense of being shut out, alone, upon +the dreary world, without the key of it. + +But in this moment of despondency, and often afterwards, the +recollection of Mr Pecksniff operated as a cordial to him; awakening +in his breast an indignation that was very wholesome in nerving him to +obstinate endurance. Under the influence of this fiery dram he started +off for London without more ado. Arriving there in the middle of the +night, and not knowing where to find a tavern open, he was fain to +stroll about the streets and market-places until morning. + +He found himself, about an hour before dawn, in the humbler regions +of the Adelphi; and addressing himself to a man in a fur-cap, who was +taking down the shutters of an obscure public-house, informed him +that he was a stranger, and inquired if he could have a bed there. It +happened by good luck that he could. Though none of the gaudiest, it was +tolerably clean, and Martin felt very glad and grateful when he crept +into it, for warmth, rest, and forgetfulness. + +It was quite late in the afternoon when he awoke; and by the time he had +washed and dressed, and broken his fast, it was growing dusk again. This +was all the better, for it was now a matter of absolute necessity that +he should part with his watch to some obliging pawn-broker. He would +have waited until after dark for this purpose, though it had been the +longest day in the year, and he had begun it without a breakfast. + +He passed more Golden Balls than all the jugglers in Europe have juggled +with, in the course of their united performances, before he could +determine in favour of any particular shop where those symbols were +displayed. In the end he came back to one of the first he had seen, +and entering by a side-door in a court, where the three balls, with the +legend 'Money Lent,' were repeated in a ghastly transparency, passed +into one of a series of little closets, or private boxes, erected for +the accommodation of the more bashful and uninitiated customers. He +bolted himself in; pulled out his watch; and laid it on the counter. + +'Upon my life and soul!' said a low voice in the next box to the shopman +who was in treaty with him, 'you must make it more; you must make it a +trifle more, you must indeed! You must dispense with one half-quarter +of an ounce in weighing out your pound of flesh, my best of friends, and +make it two-and-six.' + +Martin drew back involuntarily, for he knew the voice at once. + +'You're always full of your chaff,' said the shopman, rolling up the +article (which looked like a shirt) quite as a matter of course, and +nibbing his pen upon the counter. + +'I shall never be full of my wheat,' said Mr Tigg, 'as long as I come +here. Ha, ha! Not bad! Make it two-and-six, my dear friend, positively +for this occasion only. Half-a-crown is a delightful coin. Two-and-six. +Going at two-and-six! For the last time at two-and-six!' + +'It'll never be the last time till it's quite worn out,' rejoined the +shopman. 'It's grown yellow in the service as it is.' + +'Its master has grown yellow in the service, if you mean that, my +friend,' said Mr Tigg; 'in the patriotic service of an ungrateful +country. You are making it two-and-six, I think?' + +'I'm making it,' returned the shopman, 'what it always has been--two +shillings. Same name as usual, I suppose?' + +'Still the same name,' said Mr Tigg; 'my claim to the dormant peerage +not being yet established by the House of Lords.' + +'The old address?' + +'Not at all,' said Mr Tigg; 'I have removed my town establishment from +thirty-eight, Mayfair, to number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two, Park +Lane.' + +'Come, I'm not going to put down that, you know,' said the shopman with +a grin. + +'You may put down what you please, my friend,' quoth Mr Tigg. 'The fact +is still the same. The apartments for the under-butler and the fifth +footman being of a most confounded low and vulgar kind at thirty-eight, +Mayfair, I have been compelled, in my regard for the feelings which do +them so much honour, to take on lease for seven, fourteen, or twenty-one +years, renewable at the option of the tenant, the elegant and commodious +family mansion, number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two Park Lane. Make it +two-and-six, and come and see me!' + +The shopman was so highly entertained by this piece of humour that Mr +Tigg himself could not repress some little show of exultation. It vented +itself, in part, in a desire to see how the occupant of the next +box received his pleasantry; to ascertain which he glanced round the +partition, and immediately, by the gaslight, recognized Martin. + +'I wish I may die,' said Mr Tigg, stretching out his body so far that +his head was as much in Martin's little cell as Martin's own head was, +'but this is one of the most tremendous meetings in Ancient or Modern +History! How are you? What is the news from the agricultural districts? +How are our friends the P.'s? Ha, ha! David, pay particular attention to +this gentleman immediately, as a friend of mine, I beg.' + +'Here! Please to give me the most you can for this,' said Martin, +handing the watch to the shopman. 'I want money sorely.' + +'He wants money, sorely!' cried Mr Tigg with excessive sympathy. 'David, +will you have the goodness to do your very utmost for my friend, who +wants money sorely. You will deal with my friend as if he were myself. +A gold hunting-watch, David, engine-turned, capped and jewelled in +four holes, escape movement, horizontal lever, and warranted to perform +correctly, upon my personal reputation, who have observed it narrowly +for many years, under the most trying circumstances'--here he winked +at Martin, that he might understand this recommendation would have an +immense effect upon the shopman; 'what do you say, David, to my friend? +Be very particular to deserve my custom and recommendation, David.' + +'I can lend you three pounds on this, if you like' said the shopman to +Martin, confidentially. 'It is very old-fashioned. I couldn't say more.' + +'And devilish handsome, too,' cried Mr Tigg. 'Two-twelve-six for the +watch, and seven-and-six for personal regard. I am gratified; it may +be weakness, but I am. Three pounds will do. We take it. The name of my +friend is Smivey: Chicken Smivey, of Holborn, twenty-six-and-a-half B: +lodger.' Here he winked at Martin again, to apprise him that all the +forms and ceremonies prescribed by law were now complied with, and +nothing remained but the receipt for the money. + +In point of fact, this proved to be the case, for Martin, who had no +resource but to take what was offered him, signified his acquiescence by +a nod of his head, and presently came out with the cash in his pocket. +He was joined in the entry by Mr Tigg, who warmly congratulated him, as +he took his arm and accompanied him into the street, on the successful +issue of the negotiation. + +'As for my part in the same,' said Mr Tigg, 'don't mention it. Don't +compliment me, for I can't bear it!' + +'I have no such intention, I assure you,' retorted Martin, releasing his +arm and stopping. + +'You oblige me very much' said Mr Tigg. 'Thank you.' + +'Now, sir,' observed Martin, biting his lip, 'this is a large town, and +we can easily find different ways in it. If you will show me which is +your way, I will take another.' + +Mr Tigg was about to speak, but Martin interposed: + +'I need scarcely tell you, after what you have just seen, that I +have nothing to bestow upon your friend Mr Slyme. And it is quite as +unnecessary for me to tell you that I don't desire the honour of your +company.' + +'Stop' cried Mr Tigg, holding out his hand. 'Hold! There is a most +remarkably long-headed, flowing-bearded, and patriarchal proverb, which +observes that it is the duty of a man to be just before he is generous. +Be just now, and you can be generous presently. Do not confuse me with +the man Slyme. Do not distinguish the man Slyme as a friend of mine, for +he is no such thing. I have been compelled, sir, to abandon the party +whom you call Slyme. I have no knowledge of the party whom you call +Slyme. I am, sir,' said Mr Tigg, striking himself upon the breast, +'a premium tulip, of a very different growth and cultivation from the +cabbage Slyme, sir.' + +'It matters very little to me,' said Martin coolly, 'whether you have +set up as a vagabond on your own account, or are still trading on behalf +of Mr Slyme. I wish to hold no correspondence with you. In the devil's +name, man' said Martin, scarcely able, despite his vexation, to repress +a smile as Mr Tigg stood leaning his back against the shutters of a shop +window, adjusting his hair with great composure, 'will you go one way or +other?' + +'You will allow me to remind you, sir,' said Mr Tigg, with sudden +dignity, 'that you--not I--that you--I say emphatically, YOU--have +reduced the proceedings of this evening to a cold and distant matter of +business, when I was disposed to place them on a friendly footing. +It being made a matter of business, sir, I beg to say that I expect +a trifle (which I shall bestow in charity) as commission upon the +pecuniary advance, in which I have rendered you my humble services. +After the terms in which you have addressed me, sir,' concluded Mr +Tigg, 'you will not insult me, if you please, by offering more than +half-a-crown.' + +Martin drew that piece of money from his pocket, and tossed it towards +him. Mr Tigg caught it, looked at it to assure himself of its goodness, +spun it in the air after the manner of a pieman, and buttoned it up. +Finally, he raised his hat an inch or two from his head with a military +air, and, after pausing a moment with deep gravity, as to decide in +which direction he should go, and to what Earl or Marquis among his +friends he should give the preference in his next call, stuck his hands +in his skirt-pockets and swaggered round the corner. Martin took the +directly opposite course; and so, to his great content, they parted +company. + +It was with a bitter sense of humiliation that he cursed, again and +again, the mischance of having encountered this man in the pawnbroker's +shop. The only comfort he had in the recollection was, Mr Tigg's +voluntary avowal of a separation between himself and Slyme, that would +at least prevent his circumstances (so Martin argued) from being known +to any member of his family, the bare possibility of which filled him +with shame and wounded pride. Abstractedly there was greater reason, +perhaps, for supposing any declaration of Mr Tigg's to be false, than +for attaching the least credence to it; but remembering the terms on +which the intimacy between that gentleman and his bosom friend had +subsisted, and the strong probability of Mr Tigg's having established +an independent business of his own on Mr Slyme's connection, it had a +reasonable appearance of probability; at all events, Martin hoped so; +and that went a long way. + +His first step, now that he had a supply of ready money for his present +necessities, was, to retain his bed at the public-house until further +notice, and to write a formal note to Tom Pinch (for he knew Pecksniff +would see it) requesting to have his clothes forwarded to London by +coach, with a direction to be left at the office until called for. These +measures taken, he passed the interval before the box arrived--three +days--in making inquiries relative to American vessels, at the offices +of various shipping-agents in the city; and in lingering about the docks +and wharves, with the faint hope of stumbling upon some engagement +for the voyage, as clerk or supercargo, or custodian of something or +somebody, which would enable him to procure a free passage. But +finding, soon, that no such means of employment were likely to present +themselves, and dreading the consequences of delay, he drew up a short +advertisement, stating what he wanted, and inserted it in the leading +newspapers. Pending the receipt of the twenty or thirty answers which +he vaguely expected, he reduced his wardrobe to the narrowest limits +consistent with decent respectability, and carried the overplus at +different times to the pawnbroker's shop, for conversion into money. + +And it was strange, very strange, even to himself, to find how, by +quick though almost imperceptible degrees, he lost his delicacy and +self-respect, and gradually came to do that as a matter of course, +without the least compunction, which but a few short days before had +galled him to the quick. The first time he visited the pawnbroker's, +he felt on his way there as if every person whom he passed suspected +whither he was going; and on his way back again, as if the whole human +tide he stemmed, knew well where he had come from. When did he care to +think of their discernment now! In his first wanderings up and down the +weary streets, he counterfeited the walk of one who had an object in +his view; but soon there came upon him the sauntering, slipshod gait of +listless idleness, and the lounging at street-corners, and plucking and +biting of stray bits of straw, and strolling up and down the same place, +and looking into the same shop-windows, with a miserable indifference, +fifty times a day. At first, he came out from his lodging with an uneasy +sense of being observed--even by those chance passers-by, on whom he had +never looked before, and hundreds to one would never see again--issuing +in the morning from a public-house; but now, in his comings-out and +goings-in he did not mind to lounge about the door, or to stand sunning +himself in careless thought beside the wooden stem, studded from head to +heel with pegs, on which the beer-pots dangled like so many boughs upon +a pewter-tree. And yet it took but five weeks to reach the lowest round +of this tall ladder! + +Oh, moralists, who treat of happiness and self-respect, innate in every +sphere of life, and shedding light on every grain of dust in God's +highway, so smooth below your carriage-wheels, so rough beneath the +tread of naked feet, bethink yourselves in looking on the swift descent +of men who HAVE lived in their own esteem, that there are scores of +thousands breathing now, and breathing thick with painful toil, who in +that high respect have never lived at all, nor had a chance of life! Go +ye, who rest so placidly upon the sacred Bard who had been young, +and when he strung his harp was old, and had never seen the righteous +forsaken, or his seed begging their bread; go, Teachers of content and +honest pride, into the mine, the mill, the forge, the squalid depths of +deepest ignorance, and uttermost abyss of man's neglect, and say can any +hopeful plant spring up in air so foul that it extinguishes the soul's +bright torch as fast as it is kindled! And, oh! ye Pharisees of the +nineteen hundredth year of Christian Knowledge, who soundingly appeal +to human nature, see that it be human first. Take heed it has not been +transformed, during your slumber and the sleep of generations, into the +nature of the Beasts! + +Five weeks! Of all the twenty or thirty answers, not one had come. His +money--even the additional stock he had raised from the disposal of his +spare clothes (and that was not much, for clothes, though dear to buy, +are cheap to pawn)--was fast diminishing. Yet what could he do? At times +an agony came over him in which he darted forth again, though he was +but newly home, and, returning to some place where he had been already +twenty times, made some new attempt to gain his end, but always +unsuccessfully. He was years and years too old for a cabin-boy, and +years upon years too inexperienced to be accepted as a common seaman. +His dress and manner, too, militated fatally against any such proposal +as the latter; and yet he was reduced to making it; for even if he could +have contemplated the being set down in America totally without money, +he had not enough left now for a steerage passage and the poorest +provisions upon the voyage. + +It is an illustration of a very common tendency in the mind of man, that +all this time he never once doubted, one may almost say the certainty +of doing great things in the New World, if he could only get there. +In proportion as he became more and more dejected by his present +circumstances, and the means of gaining America receded from his grasp, +the more he fretted himself with the conviction that that was the only +place in which he could hope to achieve any high end, and worried his +brain with the thought that men going there in the meanwhile might +anticipate him in the attainment of those objects which were dearest to +his heart. He often thought of John Westlock, and besides looking out +for him on all occasions, actually walked about London for three days +together for the express purpose of meeting with him. But although he +failed in this; and although he would not have scrupled to borrow money +of him; and although he believed that John would have lent it; yet still +he could not bring his mind to write to Pinch and inquire where he was +to be found. For although, as we have seen, he was fond of Tom after +his own fashion, he could not endure the thought (feeling so superior to +Tom) of making him the stepping-stone to his fortune, or being anything +to him but a patron; and his pride so revolted from the idea that it +restrained him even now. + +It might have yielded, however; and no doubt must have yielded soon, but +for a very strange and unlooked-for occurrence. + +The five weeks had quite run out, and he was in a truly desperate +plight, when one evening, having just returned to his lodging, and +being in the act of lighting his candle at the gas jet in the bar before +stalking moodily upstairs to his own room, his landlord called him by +his name. Now as he had never told it to the man, but had scrupulously +kept it to himself, he was not a little startled by this; and so plainly +showed his agitation that the landlord, to reassure him, said 'it was +only a letter.' + +'A letter!' cried Martin. + +'For Mr Martin Chuzzlewit,' said the landlord, reading the +superscription of one he held in his hand. 'Noon. Chief office. Paid.' + +Martin took it from him, thanked him, and walked upstairs. It was not +sealed, but pasted close; the handwriting was quite unknown to him. +He opened it and found enclosed, without any name, address, or other +inscription or explanation of any kind whatever, a Bank of England note +for Twenty Pounds. + +To say that he was perfectly stunned with astonishment and delight; that +he looked again and again at the note and the wrapper; that he hurried +below stairs to make quite certain that the note was a good note; and +then hurried up again to satisfy himself for the fiftieth time that +he had not overlooked some scrap of writing on the wrapper; that he +exhausted and bewildered himself with conjectures; and could make +nothing of it but that there the note was, and he was suddenly enriched; +would be only to relate so many matters of course to no purpose. The +final upshot of the business at that time was, that he resolved to treat +himself to a comfortable but frugal meal in his own chamber; and having +ordered a fire to be kindled, went out to purchase it forthwith. + +He bought some cold beef, and ham, and French bread, and butter, and +came back with his pockets pretty heavily laden. It was somewhat of +a damping circumstance to find the room full of smoke, which was +attributable to two causes; firstly, to the flue being naturally vicious +and a smoker; and secondly, to their having forgotten, in lighting the +fire, an odd sack or two and some trifles, which had been put up the +chimney to keep the rain out. They had already remedied this oversight, +however; and propped up the window-sash with a bundle of firewood to +keep it open; so that except in being rather inflammatory to the eyes +and choking to the lungs, the apartment was quite comfortable. + +Martin was in no vein to quarrel with it, if it had been in less +tolerable order, especially when a gleaming pint of porter was set upon +the table, and the servant-girl withdrew, bearing with her particular +instructions relative to the production of something hot when he should +ring the bell. The cold meat being wrapped in a playbill, Martin laid +the cloth by spreading that document on the little round table with the +print downwards, and arranging the collation upon it. The foot of the +bed, which was very close to the fire, answered for a sideboard; and +when he had completed these preparations, he squeezed an old arm-chair +into the warmest corner, and sat down to enjoy himself. + +He had begun to eat with great appetite, glancing round the room +meanwhile with a triumphant anticipation of quitting it for ever on the +morrow, when his attention was arrested by a stealthy footstep on the +stairs, and presently by a knock at his chamber door, which, although +it was a gentle knock enough, communicated such a start to the bundle of +firewood, that it instantly leaped out of window, and plunged into the +street. + +'More coals, I suppose,' said Martin. 'Come in!' + +'It an't a liberty, sir, though it seems so,' rejoined a man's voice. +'Your servant, sir. Hope you're pretty well, sir.' + +Martin stared at the face that was bowing in the doorway, perfectly +remembering the features and expression, but quite forgetting to whom +they belonged. + +'Tapley, sir,' said his visitor. 'Him as formerly lived at the Dragon, +sir, and was forced to leave in consequence of a want of jollity, sir.' + +'To be sure!' cried Martin. 'Why, how did you come here?' + +'Right through the passage, and up the stairs, sir,' said Mark. + +'How did you find me out, I mean?' asked Martin. + +'Why, sir,' said Mark, 'I've passed you once or twice in the street, if +I'm not mistaken; and when I was a-looking in at the beef-and-ham shop +just now, along with a hungry sweep, as was very much calculated to make +a man jolly, sir--I see you a-buying that.' + +Martin reddened as he pointed to the table, and said, somewhat hastily: + +'Well! What then?' + +'Why, then, sir,' said Mark, 'I made bold to foller; and as I told 'em +downstairs that you expected me, I was let up.' + +'Are you charged with any message, that you told them you were +expected?' inquired Martin. + +'No, sir, I an't,' said Mark. 'That was what you may call a pious fraud, +sir, that was.' + +Martin cast an angry look at him; but there was something in the +fellow's merry face, and in his manner--which with all its cheerfulness +was far from being obtrusive or familiar--that quite disarmed him. +He had lived a solitary life too, for many weeks, and the voice was +pleasant in his ear. + +'Tapley,' he said, 'I'll deal openly with you. From all I can judge and +from all I have heard of you through Pinch, you are not a likely kind of +fellow to have been brought here by impertinent curiosity or any other +offensive motive. Sit down. I'm glad to see you.' + +'Thankee, sir,' said Mark. 'I'd as lieve stand.' + +'If you don't sit down,' retorted Martin, 'I'll not talk to you.' + +'Very good, sir,' observed Mark. 'Your will's a law, sir. Down it is;' +and he sat down accordingly upon the bedstead. + +'Help yourself,' said Martin, handing him the only knife. + +'Thankee, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'After you've done.' + +'If you don't take it now, you'll not have any,' said Martin. + +'Very good, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'That being your desire--now it is.' +With which reply he gravely helped himself and went on eating. Martin +having done the like for a short time in silence, said abruptly: + +'What are you doing in London?' + +'Nothing at all, sir,' rejoined Mark. + +'How's that?' asked Martin. + +'I want a place,' said Mark. + +'I'm sorry for you,' said Martin. + +'--To attend upon a single gentleman,' resumed Mark. 'If from the +country the more desirable. Makeshifts would be preferred. Wages no +object.' + +He said this so pointedly, that Martin stopped in his eating, and said: + +'If you mean me--' + +'Yes, I do, sir,' interposed Mark. + +'Then you may judge from my style of living here, of my means of keeping +a man-servant. Besides, I am going to America immediately.' + +'Well, sir,' returned Mark, quite unmoved by this intelligence 'from all +that ever I heard about it, I should say America is a very likely sort +of place for me to be jolly in!' + +Again Martin looked at him angrily; and again his anger melted away in +spite of himself. + +'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'what is the use of us a-going round +and round, and hiding behind the corner, and dodging up and down, when +we can come straight to the point in six words? I've had my eye upon you +any time this fortnight. I see well enough there's a screw loose in +your affairs. I know'd well enough the first time I see you down at the +Dragon that it must be so, sooner or later. Now, sir here am I, without +a sitiwation; without any want of wages for a year to come; for I saved +up (I didn't mean to do it, but I couldn't help it) at the Dragon--here +am I with a liking for what's wentersome, and a liking for you, and +a wish to come out strong under circumstances as would keep other men +down; and will you take me, or will you leave me?' + +'How can I take you?' cried Martin. + +'When I say take,' rejoined Mark, 'I mean will you let me go? and when I +say will you let me go, I mean will you let me go along with you? for go +I will, somehow or another. Now that you've said America, I see clear at +once, that that's the place for me to be jolly in. Therefore, if I don't +pay my own passage in the ship you go in, sir, I'll pay my own passage +in another. And mark my words, if I go alone it shall be, to carry out +the principle, in the rottenest, craziest, leakingest tub of a wessel +that a place can be got in for love or money. So if I'm lost upon the +way, sir, there'll be a drowned man at your door--and always a-knocking +double knocks at it, too, or never trust me!' + +'This is mere folly,' said Martin. + +'Very good, sir,' returned Mark. 'I'm glad to hear it, because if you +don't mean to let me go, you'll be more comfortable, perhaps, on account +of thinking so. Therefore I contradict no gentleman. But all I say is, +that if I don't emigrate to America in that case, in the beastliest old +cockle-shell as goes out of port, I'm--' + +'You don't mean what you say, I'm sure,' said Martin. + +'Yes I do,' cried Mark. + +'I tell you I know better,' rejoined Martin. + +'Very good, sir,' said Mark, with the same air of perfect satisfaction. +'Let it stand that way at present, sir, and wait and see how it turns +out. Why, love my heart alive! the only doubt I have is, whether there's +any credit in going with a gentleman like you, that's as certain to make +his way there as a gimlet is to go through soft deal.' + +This was touching Martin on his weak point, and having him at a great +advantage. He could not help thinking, either, what a brisk fellow this +Mark was, and how great a change he had wrought in the atmosphere of the +dismal little room already. + +'Why, certainly, Mark,' he said, 'I have hopes of doing well there, or I +shouldn't go. I may have the qualifications for doing well, perhaps.' + +'Of course you have, sir,' returned Mark Tapley. 'Everybody knows that.' + +'You see,' said Martin, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking at +the fire, 'ornamental architecture applied to domestic purposes, +can hardly fail to be in great request in that country; for men are +constantly changing their residences there, and moving further off; and +it's clear they must have houses to live in.' + +'I should say, sir,' observed Mark, 'that that's a state of things as +opens one of the jolliest look-outs for domestic architecture that ever +I heerd tell on.' + +Martin glanced at him hastily, not feeling quite free from a suspicion +that this remark implied a doubt of the successful issue of his plans. +But Mr Tapley was eating the boiled beef and bread with such entire good +faith and singleness of purpose expressed in his visage that he could +not but be satisfied. Another doubt arose in his mind however, as this +one disappeared. He produced the blank cover in which the note had been +enclosed, and fixing his eyes on Mark as he put it in his hands, said: + +'Now tell me the truth. Do you know anything about that?' + +Mark turned it over and over; held it near his eyes; held it away from +him at arm's length; held it with the superscription upwards and with +the superscription downwards; and shook his head with such a genuine +expression of astonishment at being asked the question, that Martin +said, as he took it from him again: + +'No, I see you don't. How should you! Though, indeed, your knowing about +it would not be more extraordinary than its being here. Come, Tapley,' +he added, after a moment's thought, 'I'll trust you with my history, +such as it is, and then you'll see more clearly what sort of fortunes +you would link yourself to, if you followed me.' + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mark; 'but afore you enter upon it +will you take me if I choose to go? Will you turn off me--Mark +Tapley--formerly of the Blue Dragon, as can be well recommended by Mr +Pinch, and as wants a gentleman of your strength of mind to look up to; +or will you, in climbing the ladder as you're certain to get to the +top of, take me along with you at a respectful distance? Now, sir,' +said Mark, 'it's of very little importance to you, I know, there's the +difficulty; but it's of very great importance to me, and will you be so +good as to consider of it?' + +If this were meant as a second appeal to Martin's weak side, founded on +his observation of the effect of the first, Mr Tapley was a skillful and +shrewd observer. Whether an intentional or an accidental shot, it +hit the mark fully for Martin, relenting more and more, said with a +condescension which was inexpressibly delicious to him, after his recent +humiliation: + +'We'll see about it, Tapley. You shall tell me in what disposition you +find yourself to-morrow.' + +'Then, sir,' said Mark, rubbing his hands, 'the job's done. Go on, sir, +if you please. I'm all attention.' + +Throwing himself back in his arm-chair, and looking at the fire, with +now and then a glance at Mark, who at such times nodded his head sagely, +to express his profound interest and attention. Martin ran over the +chief points in his history, to the same effect as he had related them, +weeks before, to Mr Pinch. But he adapted them, according to the best of +his judgment, to Mr Tapley's comprehension; and with that view made as +light of his love affair as he could, and referred to it in very few +words. But here he reckoned without his host; for Mark's interest was +keenest in this part of the business, and prompted him to ask sundry +questions in relation to it; for which he apologised as one in some +measure privileged to do so, from having seen (as Martin explained to +him) the young lady at the Blue Dragon. + +'And a young lady as any gentleman ought to feel more proud of being in +love with,' said Mark, energetically, 'don't draw breath.' + +'Aye! You saw her when she was not happy,' said Martin, gazing at the +fire again. 'If you had seen her in the old times, indeed--' + +'Why, she certainly was a little down-hearted, sir, and something paler +in her colour than I could have wished,' said Mark, 'but none the worse +in her looks for that. I think she seemed better, sir, after she come to +London.' + +Martin withdrew his eyes from the fire; stared at Mark as if he thought +he had suddenly gone mad; and asked him what he meant. + +'No offence intended, sir,' urged Mark. 'I don't mean to say she was any +the happier without you; but I thought she was a-looking better, sir.' + +'Do you mean to tell me she has been in London?' asked Martin, rising +hurriedly, and pushing back his chair. + +'Of course I do,' said Mark, rising too, in great amazement from the +bedstead. + +'Do you mean to tell me she is in London now?' + +'Most likely, sir. I mean to say she was a week ago.' + +'And you know where?' + +'Yes!' cried Mark. 'What! Don't you?' + +'My good fellow!' exclaimed Martin, clutching him by both arms, 'I have +never seen her since I left my grandfather's house.' + +'Why, then!' cried Mark, giving the little table such a blow with his +clenched fist that the slices of beef and ham danced upon it, while all +his features seemed, with delight, to be going up into his forehead, and +never coming back again any more, 'if I an't your nat'ral born servant, +hired by Fate, there an't such a thing in natur' as a Blue Dragon. What! +when I was a-rambling up and down a old churchyard in the City, getting +myself into a jolly state, didn't I see your grandfather a-toddling to +and fro for pretty nigh a mortal hour! Didn't I watch him into Todgers's +commercial boarding-house, and watch him out, and watch him home to his +hotel, and go and tell him as his was the service for my money, and I +had said so, afore I left the Dragon! Wasn't the young lady a-sitting +with him then, and didn't she fall a-laughing in a manner as was +beautiful to see! Didn't your grandfather say, "Come back again next +week," and didn't I go next week; and didn't he say that he couldn't +make up his mind to trust nobody no more; and therefore wouldn't engage +me, but at the same time stood something to drink as was handsome! Why,' +cried Mr Tapley, with a comical mixture of delight and chagrin, 'where's +the credit of a man's being jolly under such circumstances! Who could +help it, when things come about like this!' + +For some moments Martin stood gazing at him, as if he really doubted the +evidence of his senses, and could not believe that Mark stood there, in +the body, before him. At length he asked him whether, if the young lady +were still in London, he thought he could contrive to deliver a letter +to her secretly. + +'Do I think I can?' cried Mark. 'THINK I can? Here, sit down, sir. Write +it out, sir!' + +With that he cleared the table by the summary process of tilting +everything upon it into the fireplace; snatched some writing materials +from the mantel-shelf; set Martin's chair before them; forced him down +into it; dipped a pen into the ink; and put it in his hand. + +'Cut away, sir!' cried Mark. 'Make it strong, sir. Let it be wery +pinted, sir. Do I think so? I should think so. Go to work, sir!' + +Martin required no further adjuration, but went to work at a great rate; +while Mr Tapley, installing himself without any more formalities into +the functions of his valet and general attendant, divested himself +of his coat, and went on to clear the fireplace and arrange the room; +talking to himself in a low voice the whole time. + +'Jolly sort of lodgings,' said Mark, rubbing his nose with the knob at +the end of the fire-shovel, and looking round the poor chamber; 'that's +a comfort. The rain's come through the roof too. That an't bad. A lively +old bedstead, I'll be bound; popilated by lots of wampires, no doubt. +Come! my spirits is a-getting up again. An uncommon ragged nightcap +this. A very good sign. We shall do yet! Here, Jane, my dear,' calling +down the stairs, 'bring up that there hot tumbler for my master as was +a-mixing when I come in. That's right, sir,' to Martin. 'Go at it as if +you meant it, sir. Be very tender, sir, if you please. You can't make it +too strong, sir!' + + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN + +IN WHICH MARTIN BIDS ADIEU TO THE LADY OF HIS LOVE; AND HONOURS AN +OBSCURE INDIVIDUAL WHOSE FORTUNE HE INTENDS TO MAKE BY COMMENDING HER TO +HIS PROTECTION + + +The letter being duly signed, sealed, and delivered, was handed to Mark +Tapley, for immediate conveyance if possible. And he succeeded so well +in his embassy as to be enabled to return that same night, just as the +house was closing, with the welcome intelligence that he had sent it +upstairs to the young lady, enclosed in a small manuscript of his +own, purporting to contain his further petition to be engaged in Mr +Chuzzlewit's service; and that she had herself come down and told him, +in great haste and agitation, that she would meet the gentleman at +eight o'clock to-morrow morning in St. James's Park. It was then agreed +between the new master and the new man, that Mark should be in waiting +near the hotel in good time, to escort the young lady to the place +of appointment; and when they had parted for the night with this +understanding, Martin took up his pen again; and before he went to bed +wrote another letter, whereof more will be seen presently. + +He was up before daybreak, and came upon the Park with the morning, +which was clad in the least engaging of the three hundred and sixty-five +dresses in the wardrobe of the year. It was raw, damp, dark, and dismal; +the clouds were as muddy as the ground; and the short perspective +of every street and avenue was closed up by the mist as by a filthy +curtain. + +'Fine weather indeed,' Martin bitterly soliloquised, 'to be wandering +up and down here in, like a thief! Fine weather indeed, for a meeting of +lovers in the open air, and in a public walk! I need be departing, with +all speed, for another country; for I have come to a pretty pass in +this!' + +He might perhaps have gone on to reflect that of all mornings in the +year, it was not the best calculated for a young lady's coming forth +on such an errand, either. But he was stopped on the road to this +reflection, if his thoughts tended that way, by her appearance at a +short distance, on which he hurried forward to meet her. Her squire, +Mr Tapley, at the same time fell discreetly back, and surveyed the fog +above him with an appearance of attentive interest. + +'My dear Martin,' said Mary. + +'My dear Mary,' said Martin; and lovers are such a singular kind of +people that this is all they did say just then, though Martin took her +arm, and her hand too, and they paced up and down a short walk that was +least exposed to observation, half-a-dozen times. + +'If you have changed at all, my love, since we parted,' said Martin at +length, as he looked upon her with a proud delight, 'it is only to be +more beautiful than ever!' + +Had she been of the common metal of love-worn young ladies, she would +have denied this in her most interesting manner; and would have told him +that she knew she had become a perfect fright; or that she had wasted +away with weeping and anxiety; or that she was dwindling gently into an +early grave; or that her mental sufferings were unspeakable; or would, +either by tears or words, or a mixture of both, have furnished him with +some other information to that effect, and made him as miserable as +possible. But she had been reared up in a sterner school than the minds +of most young girls are formed in; she had had her nature strengthened +by the hands of hard endurance and necessity; had come out from her +young trials constant, self-denying, earnest, and devoted; had acquired +in her maidenhood--whether happily in the end, for herself or him, is +foreign to our present purpose to inquire--something of that nobler +quality of gentle hearts which is developed often by the sorrows and +struggles of matronly years, but often by their lessons only. Unspoiled, +unpampered in her joys or griefs; with frank and full, and deep +affection for the object of her early love; she saw in him one who for +her sake was an outcast from his home and fortune, and she had no +more idea of bestowing that love upon him in other than cheerful and +sustaining words, full of high hope and grateful trustfulness, than she +had of being unworthy of it, in her lightest thought or deed, for any +base temptation that the world could offer. + +'What change is there in YOU, Martin,' she replied; 'for that concerns +me nearest? You look more anxious and more thoughtful than you used.' + +'Why, as to that, my love,' said Martin as he drew her waist within his +arm, first looking round to see that there were no observers near, +and beholding Mr Tapley more intent than ever on the fog; 'it would be +strange if I did not; for my life--especially of late--has been a hard +one.' + +'I know it must have been,' she answered. 'When have I forgotten to +think of it and you?' + +'Not often, I hope,' said Martin. 'Not often, I am sure. Not often, I +have some right to expect, Mary; for I have undergone a great deal of +vexation and privation, and I naturally look for that return, you know.' + +'A very, very poor return,' she answered with a fainter smile. 'But you +have it, and will have it always. You have paid a dear price for a poor +heart, Martin; but it is at least your own, and a true one.' + +'Of course I feel quite certain of that,' said Martin, 'or I shouldn't +have put myself in my present position. And don't say a poor heart, +Mary, for I say a rich one. Now, I am about to break a design to you, +dearest, which will startle you at first, but which is undertaken for +your sake. I am going,' he added slowly, looking far into the deep +wonder of her bright dark eyes, 'abroad.' + +'Abroad, Martin!' + +'Only to America. See now. How you droop directly!' + +'If I do, or, I hope I may say, if I did,' she answered, raising her +head after a short silence, and looking once more into his face, 'it was +for grief to think of what you are resolved to undergo for me. I would +not venture to dissuade you, Martin; but it is a long, long distance; +there is a wide ocean to be crossed; illness and want are sad calamities +in any place, but in a foreign country dreadful to endure. Have you +thought of all this?' + +'Thought of it!' cried Martin, abating, in his fondness--and he WAS very +fond of her--hardly an iota of his usual impetuosity. 'What am I to do? +It's very well to say, "Have I thought of it?" my love; but you should +ask me in the same breath, have I thought of starving at home; have I +thought of doing porter's work for a living; have I thought of holding +horses in the streets to earn my roll of bread from day to day? Come, +come,' he added, in a gentler tone, 'do not hang down your head, my +dear, for I need the encouragement that your sweet face alone can give +me. Why, that's well! Now you are brave again.' + +'I am endeavouring to be,' she answered, smiling through her tears. + +'Endeavouring to be anything that's good, and being it, is, with you, +all one. Don't I know that of old?' cried Martin, gayly. 'So! That's +famous! Now I can tell you all my plans as cheerfully as if you were my +little wife already, Mary.' + +She hung more closely on his arm, and looking upwards in his face, bade +him speak on. + +'You see,' said Martin, playing with the little hand upon his wrist, +'that my attempts to advance myself at home have been baffled and +rendered abortive. I will not say by whom, Mary, for that would give +pain to us both. But so it is. Have you heard him speak of late of any +relative of mine or his, called Pecksniff? Only tell me what I ask you, +no more.' + +'I have heard, to my surprise, that he is a better man than was +supposed.' + +'I thought so,' interrupted Martin. + +'And that it is likely we may come to know him, if not to visit and +reside with him and--I think--his daughters. He HAS daughters, has he, +love?' + +'A pair of them,' Martin answered. 'A precious pair! Gems of the first +water!' + +'Ah! You are jesting!' + +'There is a sort of jesting which is very much in earnest, and includes +some pretty serious disgust,' said Martin. 'I jest in reference to Mr +Pecksniff (at whose house I have been living as his assistant, and at +whose hands I have received insult and injury), in that vein. Whatever +betides, or however closely you may be brought into communication with +this family, never forget that, Mary; and never for an instant, +whatever appearances may seem to contradict me, lose sight of this +assurance--Pecksniff is a scoundrel.' + +'Indeed!' + +'In thought, and in deed, and in everything else. A scoundrel from the +topmost hair of his head, to the nethermost atom of his heel. Of his +daughters I will only say that, to the best of my knowledge and belief, +they are dutiful young ladies, and take after their father closely. This +is a digression from the main point, and yet it brings me to what I was +going to say.' + +He stopped to look into her eyes again, and seeing, in a hasty glance +over his shoulder, that there was no one near, and that Mark was still +intent upon the fog, not only looked at her lips, too, but kissed them +into the bargain. + +'Now I am going to America, with great prospects of doing well, and of +returning home myself very soon; it may be to take you there for a few +years, but, at all events, to claim you for my wife; which, after such +trials, I should do with no fear of your still thinking it a duty to +cleave to him who will not suffer me to live (for this is true), if he +can help it, in my own land. How long I may be absent is, of course, +uncertain; but it shall not be very long. Trust me for that.' + +'In the meantime, dear Martin--' + +'That's the very thing I am coming to. In the meantime you shall hear, +constantly, of all my goings-on. Thus.' + +He paused to take from his pocket the letter he had written overnight, +and then resumed: + +'In this fellow's employment, and living in this fellow's house (by +fellow, I mean Mr Pecksniff, of course), there is a certain person of +the name of Pinch. Don't forget; a poor, strange, simple oddity, Mary; +but thoroughly honest and sincere; full of zeal; and with a cordial +regard for me. Which I mean to return one of these days, by setting him +up in life in some way or other.' + +'Your old kind nature, Martin!' + +'Oh!' said Martin, 'that's not worth speaking of, my love. He's very +grateful and desirous to serve me; and I am more than repaid. Now one +night I told this Pinch my history, and all about myself and you; in +which he was not a little interested, I can tell you, for he knows you! +Aye, you may look surprised--and the longer the better for it becomes +you--but you have heard him play the organ in the church of that village +before now; and he has seen you listening to his music; and has caught +his inspiration from you, too!' + +'Was HE the organist?' cried Mary. 'I thank him from my heart!' + +'Yes, he was,' said Martin, 'and is, and gets nothing for it either. +There never was such a simple fellow! Quite an infant! But a very good +sort of creature, I assure you.' + +'I am sure of that,' she said with great earnestness. 'He must be!' + +'Oh, yes, no doubt at all about it,' rejoined Martin, in his usual +careless way. 'He is. Well! It has occurred to me--but stay. If I read +you what I have written and intend sending to him by post to-night +it will explain itself. "My dear Tom Pinch." That's rather familiar +perhaps,' said Martin, suddenly remembering that he was proud when they +had last met, 'but I call him my dear Tom Pinch because he likes it, and +it pleases him.' + +'Very right, and very kind,' said Mary. + +'Exactly so!' cried Martin. 'It's as well to be kind whenever one can; +and, as I said before, he really is an excellent fellow. "My dear Tom +Pinch--I address this under cover to Mrs Lupin, at the Blue Dragon, +and have begged her in a short note to deliver it to you without saying +anything about it elsewhere; and to do the same with all future letters +she may receive from me. My reason for so doing will be at once apparent +to you"--I don't know that it will be, by the bye,' said Martin, +breaking off, 'for he's slow of comprehension, poor fellow; but he'll +find it out in time. My reason simply is, that I don't want my letters +to be read by other people; and particularly by the scoundrel whom he +thinks an angel.' + +'Mr Pecksniff again?' asked Mary. + +'The same,' said Martin '--will be at once apparent to you. I have +completed my arrangements for going to America; and you will be +surprised to hear that I am to be accompanied by Mark Tapley, upon whom +I have stumbled strangely in London, and who insists on putting himself +under my protection'--meaning, my love,' said Martin, breaking off +again, 'our friend in the rear, of course.' + +She was delighted to hear this, and bestowed a kind glance upon Mark, +which he brought his eyes down from the fog to encounter and received +with immense satisfaction. She said in his hearing, too, that he was a +good soul and a merry creature, and would be faithful, she was certain; +commendations which Mr Tapley inwardly resolved to deserve, from such +lips, if he died for it. + +'"Now, my dear Pinch,"' resumed Martin, proceeding with his letter; '"I +am going to repose great trust in you, knowing that I may do so with +perfect reliance on your honour and secrecy, and having nobody else just +now to trust in."' + +'I don't think I would say that, Martin.' + +'Wouldn't you? Well! I'll take that out. It's perfectly true, though.' + +'But it might seem ungracious, perhaps.' + +'Oh, I don't mind Pinch,' said Martin. 'There's no occasion to stand on +any ceremony with HIM. However, I'll take it out, as you wish it, and +make the full stop at "secrecy." Very well! "I shall not only"--this is +the letter again, you know.' + +'I understand.' + +'"I shall not only enclose my letters to the young lady of whom I have +told you, to your charge, to be forwarded as she may request; but I most +earnestly commit her, the young lady herself, to your care and regard, +in the event of your meeting in my absence. I have reason to think +that the probabilities of your encountering each other--perhaps very +frequently--are now neither remote nor few; and although in our position +you can do very little to lessen the uneasiness of hers, I trust to you +implicitly to do that much, and so deserve the confidence I have reposed +in you." You see, my dear Mary,' said Martin, 'it will be a great +consolation to you to have anybody, no matter how simple, with whom you +can speak about ME; and the very first time you talk to Pinch, you'll +feel at once that there is no more occasion for any embarrassment or +hesitation in talking to him, than if he were an old woman.' + +'However that may be,' she returned, smiling, 'he is your friend, and +that is enough.' + +'Oh, yes, he's my friend,' said Martin, 'certainly. In fact, I have told +him in so many words that we'll always take notice of him, and protect +him; and it's a good trait in his character that he's grateful--very +grateful indeed. You'll like him of all things, my love, I know. You'll +observe very much that's comical and old-fashioned about Pinch, but you +needn't mind laughing at him; for he'll not care about it. He'll rather +like it indeed!' + +'I don't think I shall put that to the test, Martin.' + +'You won't if you can help it, of course,' he said, 'but I think you'll +find him a little too much for your gravity. However, that's neither +here nor there, and it certainly is not the letter; which ends +thus: "Knowing that I need not impress the nature and extent of that +confidence upon you at any greater length, as it is already sufficiently +established in your mind, I will only say, in bidding you farewell and +looking forward to our next meeting, that I shall charge myself from +this time, through all changes for the better, with your advancement and +happiness, as if they were my own. You may rely upon that. And +always believe me, my dear Tom Pinch, faithfully your friend, Martin +Chuzzlewit. P.S.--I enclose the amount which you so kindly"--Oh,' said +Martin, checking himself, and folding up the letter, 'that's nothing!' + +At this crisis Mark Tapley interposed, with an apology for remarking +that the clock at the Horse Guards was striking. + +'Which I shouldn't have said nothing about, sir,' added Mark, 'if the +young lady hadn't begged me to be particular in mentioning it.' + +'I did,' said Mary. 'Thank you. You are quite right. In another minute +I shall be ready to return. We have time for a very few words more, dear +Martin, and although I had much to say, it must remain unsaid until the +happy time of our next meeting. Heaven send it may come speedily and +prosperously! But I have no fear of that.' + +'Fear!' cried Martin. 'Why, who has? What are a few months? What is a +whole year? When I come gayly back, with a road through life hewn out +before me, then indeed, looking back upon this parting, it may seem +a dismal one. But now! I swear I wouldn't have it happen under more +favourable auspices, if I could; for then I should be less inclined to +go, and less impressed with the necessity.' + +'Yes, yes. I feel that too. When do you go?' + +'To-night. We leave for Liverpool to-night. A vessel sails from that +port, as I hear, in three days. In a month, or less, we shall be there. +Why, what's a month! How many months have flown by, since our last +parting!' + +'Long to look back upon,' said Mary, echoing his cheerful tone, 'but +nothing in their course!' + +'Nothing at all!' cried Martin. 'I shall have change of scene and change +of place; change of people, change of manners, change of cares and +hopes! Time will wear wings indeed! I can bear anything, so that I have +swift action, Mary.' + +Was he thinking solely of her care for him, when he took so little heed +of her share in the separation; of her quiet monotonous endurance, +and her slow anxiety from day to day? Was there nothing jarring and +discordant even in his tone of courage, with this one note 'self' for +ever audible, however high the strain? Not in her ears. It had been +better otherwise, perhaps, but so it was. She heard the same bold spirit +which had flung away as dross all gain and profit for her sake, making +light of peril and privation that she might be calm and happy; and she +heard no more. That heart where self has found no place and raised no +throne, is slow to recognize its ugly presence when it looks upon it. +As one possessed of an evil spirit was held in old time to be alone +conscious of the lurking demon in the breasts of other men, so kindred +vices know each other in their hiding-places every day, when Virtue is +incredulous and blind. + +'The quarter's gone!' cried Mr Tapley, in a voice of admonition. + +'I shall be ready to return immediately,' she said. 'One thing, dear +Martin, I am bound to tell you. You entreated me a few minutes since +only to answer what you asked me in reference to one theme, but you +should and must know (otherwise I could not be at ease) that since +that separation of which I was the unhappy occasion, he has never once +uttered your name; has never coupled it, or any faint allusion to it, +with passion or reproach; and has never abated in his kindness to me.' + +'I thank him for that last act,' said Martin, 'and for nothing else. +Though on consideration I may thank him for his other forbearance also, +inasmuch as I neither expect nor desire that he will mention my name +again. He may once, perhaps--to couple it with reproach--in his will. +Let him, if he please! By the time it reaches me, he will be in his +grave; a satire on his own anger, God help him!' + +'Martin! If you would but sometimes, in some quiet hour; beside the +winter fire; in the summer air; when you hear gentle music, or think of +Death, or Home, or Childhood; if you would at such a season resolve to +think, but once a month, or even once a year, of him, or any one who +ever wronged you, you would forgive him in your heart, I know!' + +'If I believed that to be true, Mary,' he replied, 'I would resolve at +no such time to bear him in my mind; wishing to spare myself the shame +of such a weakness. I was not born to be the toy and puppet of any man, +far less his; to whose pleasure and caprice, in return for any good he +did me, my whole youth was sacrificed. It became between us two a fair +exchange--a barter--and no more; and there is no such balance against +me that I need throw in a mawkish forgiveness to poise the scale. He has +forbidden all mention of me to you, I know,' he added hastily. 'Come! +Has he not?' + +'That was long ago,' she returned; 'immediately after your parting; +before you had left the house. He has never done so since.' + +'He has never done so since because he has seen no occasion,' said +Martin; 'but that is of little consequence, one way or other. Let all +allusion to him between you and me be interdicted from this time forth. +And therefore, love'--he drew her quickly to him, for the time of +parting had now come--'in the first letter that you write to me through +the Post Office, addressed to New York; and in all the others that you +send through Pinch; remember he has no existence, but has become to us +as one who is dead. Now, God bless you! This is a strange place for such +a meeting and such a parting; but our next meeting shall be in a better, +and our next and last parting in a worse.' + +'One other question, Martin, I must ask. Have you provided money for +this journey?' + +'Have I?' cried Martin; it might have been in his pride; it might have +been in his desire to set her mind at ease: 'Have I provided money? Why, +there's a question for an emigrant's wife! How could I move on land or +sea without it, love?' + +'I mean, enough.' + +'Enough! More than enough. Twenty times more than enough. A pocket-full. +Mark and I, for all essential ends, are quite as rich as if we had the +purse of Fortunatus in our baggage.' + +'The half-hour's a-going!' cried Mr Tapley. + +'Good-bye a hundred times!' cried Mary, in a trembling voice. + +But how cold the comfort in Good-bye! Mark Tapley knew it perfectly. +Perhaps he knew it from his reading, perhaps from his experience, +perhaps from intuition. It is impossible to say; but however he knew +it, his knowledge instinctively suggested to him the wisest course of +proceeding that any man could have adopted under the circumstances. He +was taken with a violent fit of sneezing, and was obliged to turn his +head another way. In doing which, he, in a manner fenced and screened +the lovers into a corner by themselves. + +There was a short pause, but Mark had an undefined sensation that it was +a satisfactory one in its way. Then Mary, with her veil lowered, passed +him with a quick step, and beckoned him to follow. She stopped once more +before they lost that corner; looked back; and waved her hand to Martin. +He made a start towards them at the moment as if he had some other +farewell words to say; but she only hurried off the faster, and Mr +Tapley followed as in duty bound. + +When he rejoined Martin again in his own chamber, he found that +gentleman seated moodily before the dusty grate, with his two feet on +the fender, his two elbows on his knees, and his chin supported, in a +not very ornamental manner, on the palms of his hands. + +'Well, Mark!' + +'Well, sir,' said Mark, taking a long breath, 'I see the young lady safe +home, and I feel pretty comfortable after it. She sent a lot of kind +words, sir, and this,' handing him a ring, 'for a parting keepsake.' + +'Diamonds!' said Martin, kissing it--let us do him justice, it was for +her sake; not for theirs--and putting it on his little finger. 'Splendid +diamonds! My grandfather is a singular character, Mark. He must have +given her this now.' + +Mark Tapley knew as well that she had bought it, to the end that that +unconscious speaker might carry some article of sterling value with him +in his necessity; as he knew that it was day, and not night. Though he +had no more acquaintance of his own knowledge with the history of the +glittering trinket on Martin's outspread finger, than Martin himself +had, he was as certain that in its purchase she had expended her whole +stock of hoarded money, as if he had seen it paid down coin by coin. Her +lover's strange obtuseness in relation to this little incident, promptly +suggested to Mark's mind its real cause and root; and from that moment +he had a clear and perfect insight into the one absorbing principle of +Martin's character. + +'She is worthy of the sacrifices I have made,' said Martin, folding his +arms, and looking at the ashes in the stove, as if in resumption of some +former thoughts. 'Well worthy of them. No riches'--here he stroked his +chin and mused--'could have compensated for the loss of such a nature. +Not to mention that in gaining her affection I have followed the bent +of my own wishes, and baulked the selfish schemes of others who had +no right to form them. She is quite worthy--more than worthy--of the +sacrifices I have made. Yes, she is. No doubt of it.' + +These ruminations might or might not have reached Mark Tapley; for +though they were by no means addressed to him, yet they were softly +uttered. In any case, he stood there, watching Martin with an +indescribable and most involved expression on his visage, until that +young man roused himself and looked towards him; when he turned away, +as being suddenly intent upon certain preparations for the journey, +and, without giving vent to any articulate sound, smiled with surpassing +ghastliness, and seemed by a twist of his features and a motion of his +lips, to release himself of this word: + +'Jolly!' + + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN + +THE BURDEN WHEREOF, IS HAIL COLUMBIA! + + +A dark and dreary night; people nestling in their beds or circling +late about the fire; Want, colder than Charity, shivering at the street +corners; church-towers humming with the faint vibration of their own +tongues, but newly resting from the ghostly preachment 'One!' The earth +covered with a sable pall as for the burial of yesterday; the clumps of +dark trees, its giant plumes of funeral feathers, waving sadly to and +fro: all hushed, all noiseless, and in deep repose, save the swift +clouds that skim across the moon, and the cautious wind, as, creeping +after them upon the ground, it stops to listen, and goes rustling on, +and stops again, and follows, like a savage on the trail. + +Whither go the clouds and wind so eagerly? If, like guilty spirits, they +repair to some dread conference with powers like themselves, in what +wild regions do the elements hold council, or where unbend in terrible +disport? + +Here! Free from that cramped prison called the earth, and out upon the +waste of waters. Here, roaring, raging, shrieking, howling, all night +long. Hither come the sounding voices from the caverns on the coast of +that small island, sleeping, a thousand miles away, so quietly in the +midst of angry waves; and hither, to meet them, rush the blasts from +unknown desert places of the world. Here, in the fury of their unchecked +liberty, they storm and buffet with each other, until the sea, lashed +into passion like their own, leaps up, in ravings mightier than theirs, +and the whole scene is madness. + +On, on, on, over the countless miles of angry space roll the long +heaving billows. Mountains and caves are here, and yet are not; for +what is now the one, is now the other; then all is but a boiling heap of +rushing water. Pursuit, and flight, and mad return of wave on wave, and +savage struggle, ending in a spouting-up of foam that whitens the +black night; incessant change of place, and form, and hue; constancy in +nothing, but eternal strife; on, on, on, they roll, and darker grows the +night, and louder howls the wind, and more clamorous and fierce become +the million voices in the sea, when the wild cry goes forth upon the +storm 'A ship!' + +Onward she comes, in gallant combat with the elements, her tall masts +trembling, and her timbers starting on the strain; onward she comes, now +high upon the curling billows, now low down in the hollows of the sea, +as hiding for the moment from its fury; and every storm-voice in the air +and water cries more loudly yet, 'A ship!' + +Still she comes striving on; and at her boldness and the spreading cry, +the angry waves rise up above each other's hoary heads to look; and +round about the vessel, far as the mariners on the decks can pierce into +the gloom, they press upon her, forcing each other down and starting up, +and rushing forward from afar, in dreadful curiosity. High over her +they break; and round her surge and roar; and giving place to others, +moaningly depart, and dash themselves to fragments in their baffled +anger. Still she comes onward bravely. And though the eager multitude +crowd thick and fast upon her all the night, and dawn of day discovers +the untiring train yet bearing down upon the ship in an eternity of +troubled water, onward she comes, with dim lights burning in her hull, +and people there, asleep; as if no deadly element were peering in at +every seam and chink, and no drowned seaman's grave, with but a plank to +cover it, were yawning in the unfathomable depths below. + +Among these sleeping voyagers were Martin and Mark Tapley, who, rocked +into a heavy drowsiness by the unaccustomed motion, were as insensible +to the foul air in which they lay, as to the uproar without. It was +broad day when the latter awoke with a dim idea that he was dreaming +of having gone to sleep in a four-post bedstead which had turned bottom +upwards in the course of the night. There was more reason in this too, +than in the roasting of eggs; for the first objects Mr Tapley recognized +when he opened his eyes were his own heels--looking down to him, as he +afterwards observed, from a nearly perpendicular elevation. + +'Well!' said Mark, getting himself into a sitting posture, after various +ineffectual struggles with the rolling of the ship. 'This is the first +time as ever I stood on my head all night.' + +'You shouldn't go to sleep upon the ground with your head to leeward +then,' growled a man in one of the berths. + +'With my head to WHERE?' asked Mark. + +The man repeated his previous sentiment. + +'No, I won't another time,' said Mark, 'when I know whereabouts on the +map that country is. In the meanwhile I can give you a better piece of +advice. Don't you nor any other friend of mine never go to sleep with +his head in a ship any more.' + +The man gave a grunt of discontented acquiescence, turned over in his +berth, and drew his blanket over his head. + +'--For,' said Mr Tapley, pursuing the theme by way of soliloquy in a low +tone of voice; 'the sea is as nonsensical a thing as any going. It never +knows what to do with itself. It hasn't got no employment for its +mind, and is always in a state of vacancy. Like them Polar bears in the +wild-beast shows as is constantly a-nodding their heads from side to +side, it never CAN be quiet. Which is entirely owing to its uncommon +stupidity.' + +'Is that you, Mark?' asked a faint voice from another berth. + +'It's as much of me as is left, sir, after a fortnight of this work,' +Mr Tapley replied, 'What with leading the life of a fly, ever since I've +been aboard--for I've been perpetually holding-on to something or other +in a upside-down position--what with that, sir, and putting a very +little into myself, and taking a good deal out of myself, there an't too +much of me to swear by. How do you find yourself this morning, sir?' + +'Very miserable,' said Martin, with a peevish groan. 'Ugh. This is +wretched, indeed!' + +'Creditable,' muttered Mark, pressing one hand upon his aching head and +looking round him with a rueful grin. 'That's the great comfort. It IS +creditable to keep up one's spirits here. Virtue's its own reward. So's +jollity.' + +Mark was so far right that unquestionably any man who retained his +cheerfulness among the steerage accommodations of that noble and +fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, 'THE SCREW,' was solely indebted to +his own resources, and shipped his good humour, like his provisions, +without any contribution or assistance from the owners. A dark, low, +stifling cabin, surrounded by berths all filled to overflowing with men, +women, and children, in various stages of sickness and misery, is not +the liveliest place of assembly at any time; but when it is so crowded +(as the steerage cabin of the Screw was, every passage out), that +mattresses and beds are heaped upon the floor, to the extinction of +everything like comfort, cleanliness, and decency, it is liable to +operate not only as a pretty strong banner against amiability of temper, +but as a positive encourager of selfish and rough humours. Mark felt +this, as he sat looking about him; and his spirits rose proportionately. + +There were English people, Irish people, Welsh people, and Scotch people +there; all with their little store of coarse food and shabby clothes; +and nearly all with their families of children. There were children of +all ages; from the baby at the breast, to the slattern-girl who was as +much a grown woman as her mother. Every kind of domestic suffering that +is bred in poverty, illness, banishment, sorrow, and long travel in bad +weather, was crammed into the little space; and yet was there infinitely +less of complaint and querulousness, and infinitely more of mutual +assistance and general kindness to be found in that unwholesome ark, +than in many brilliant ballrooms. + +Mark looked about him wistfully, and his face brightened as he looked. +Here an old grandmother was crooning over a sick child, and rocking it +to and fro, in arms hardly more wasted than its own young limbs; here a +poor woman with an infant in her lap, mended another little creature's +clothes, and quieted another who was creeping up about her from their +scanty bed upon the floor. Here were old men awkwardly engaged in little +household offices, wherein they would have been ridiculous but for their +good-will and kind purpose; and here were swarthy fellows--giants in +their way--doing such little acts of tenderness for those about them, +as might have belonged to gentlest-hearted dwarfs. The very idiot in +the corner who sat mowing there, all day, had his faculty of imitation +roused by what he saw about him; and snapped his fingers to amuse a +crying child. + +'Now, then,' said Mark, nodding to a woman who was dressing her three +children at no great distance from him--and the grin upon his face had +by this time spread from ear to ear--'Hand over one of them young 'uns +according to custom.' + +'I wish you'd get breakfast, Mark, instead of worrying with people who +don't belong to you,' observed Martin, petulantly. + +'All right,' said Mark. 'SHE'll do that. It's a fair division of labour, +sir. I wash her boys, and she makes our tea. I never COULD make tea, but +any one can wash a boy.' + +The woman, who was delicate and ill, felt and understood his kindness, +as well she might, for she had been covered every night with his +greatcoat, while he had for his own bed the bare boards and a rug. But +Martin, who seldom got up or looked about him, was quite incensed by the +folly of this speech, and expressed his dissatisfaction by an impatient +groan. + +'So it is, certainly,' said Mark, brushing the child's hair as coolly as +if he had been born and bred a barber. + +'What are you talking about, now?' asked Martin. + +'What you said,' replied Mark; 'or what you meant, when you gave that +there dismal vent to your feelings. I quite go along with it, sir. It IS +very hard upon her.' + +'What is?' + +'Making the voyage by herself along with these young impediments here, +and going such a way at such a time of the year to join her husband. +If you don't want to be driven mad with yellow soap in your eye, young +man,' said Mr Tapley to the second urchin, who was by this time under +his hands at the basin, 'you'd better shut it.' + +'Where does she join her husband?' asked Martin, yawning. + +'Why, I'm very much afraid,' said Mr Tapley, in a low voice, 'that she +don't know. I hope she mayn't miss him. But she sent her last letter by +hand, and it don't seem to have been very clearly understood between 'em +without it, and if she don't see him a-waving his pocket-handkerchief on +the shore, like a pictur out of a song-book, my opinion is, she'll break +her heart.' + +'Why, how, in Folly's name, does the woman come to be on board ship on +such a wild-goose venture!' cried Martin. + +Mr Tapley glanced at him for a moment as he lay prostrate in his berth, +and then said, very quietly: + +'Ah! How indeed! I can't think! He's been away from her for two year; +she's been very poor and lonely in her own country; and has always been +a-looking forward to meeting him. It's very strange she should be here. +Quite amazing! A little mad perhaps! There can't be no other way of +accounting for it.' + +Martin was too far gone in the lassitude of sea-sickness to make any +reply to these words, or even to attend to them as they were spoken. And +the subject of their discourse returning at this crisis with some hot +tea, effectually put a stop to any resumption of the theme by Mr Tapley; +who, when the meal was over and he had adjusted Martin's bed, went up on +deck to wash the breakfast service, which consisted of two half-pint tin +mugs, and a shaving-pot of the same metal. + +It is due to Mark Tapley to state that he suffered at least as much from +sea-sickness as any man, woman, or child, on board; and that he had a +peculiar faculty of knocking himself about on the smallest provocation, +and losing his legs at every lurch of the ship. But resolved, in his +usual phrase, to 'come out strong' under disadvantageous circumstances, +he was the life and soul of the steerage, and made no more of stopping +in the middle of a facetious conversation to go away and be excessively +ill by himself, and afterwards come back in the very best and gayest of +tempers to resume it, than if such a course of proceeding had been the +commonest in the world. + +It cannot be said that as his illness wore off, his cheerfulness and +good nature increased, because they would hardly admit of augmentation; +but his usefulness among the weaker members of the party was much +enlarged; and at all times and seasons there he was exerting it. If +a gleam of sun shone out of the dark sky, down Mark tumbled into the +cabin, and presently up he came again with a woman in his arms, or +half-a-dozen children, or a man, or a bed, or a saucepan, or a basket, +or something animate or inanimate, that he thought would be the better +for the air. If an hour or two of fine weather in the middle of the day +tempted those who seldom or never came on deck at other times to crawl +into the long-boat, or lie down upon the spare spars, and try to eat, +there, in the centre of the group, was Mr Tapley, handing about salt +beef and biscuit, or dispensing tastes of grog, or cutting up the +children's provisions with his pocketknife, for their greater ease and +comfort, or reading aloud from a venerable newspaper, or singing some +roaring old song to a select party, or writing the beginnings of letters +to their friends at home for people who couldn't write, or cracking +jokes with the crew, or nearly getting blown over the side, or emerging, +half-drowned, from a shower of spray, or lending a hand somewhere or +other; but always doing something for the general entertainment. At +night, when the cooking-fire was lighted on the deck, and the driving +sparks that flew among the rigging, and the clouds of sails, seemed to +menace the ship with certain annihilation by fire, in case the elements +of air and water failed to compass her destruction; there, again, was Mr +Tapley, with his coat off and his shirt-sleeves turned up to his elbows, +doing all kinds of culinary offices; compounding the strangest dishes; +recognized by every one as an established authority; and helping all +parties to achieve something which, left to themselves, they never could +have done, and never would have dreamed of. In short, there never was a +more popular character than Mark Tapley became, on board that noble and +fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw; and he attained at last to +such a pitch of universal admiration, that he began to have grave doubts +within himself whether a man might reasonably claim any credit for being +jolly under such exciting circumstances. + +'If this was going to last,' said Tapley, 'there'd be no great +difference as I can perceive, between the Screw and the Dragon. I +never am to get credit, I think. I begin to be afraid that the Fates is +determined to make the world easy to me.' + +'Well, Mark,' said Martin, near whose berth he had ruminated to this +effect. 'When will this be over?' + +'Another week, they say, sir,' returned Mark, 'will most likely bring +us into port. The ship's a-going along at present, as sensible as a ship +can, sir; though I don't mean to say as that's any very high praise.' + +'I don't think it is, indeed,' groaned Martin. + +'You'd feel all the better for it, sir, if you was to turn out,' +observed Mark. + +'And be seen by the ladies and gentlemen on the after-deck,' returned +Martin, with a scronful emphasis upon the words, 'mingling with the +beggarly crowd that are stowed away in this vile hole. I should be +greatly the better for that, no doubt.' + +'I'm thankful that I can't say from my own experience what the feelings +of a gentleman may be,' said Mark, 'but I should have thought, sir, as a +gentleman would feel a deal more uncomfortable down here than up in the +fresh air, especially when the ladies and gentlemen in the after-cabin +know just as much about him as he does about them, and are likely to +trouble their heads about him in the same proportion. I should have +thought that, certainly.' + +'I tell you, then,' rejoined Martin, 'you would have thought wrong, and +do think wrong.' + +'Very likely, sir,' said Mark, with imperturbable good temper. 'I often +do.' + +'As to lying here,' cried Martin, raising himself on his elbow, and +looking angrily at his follower. 'Do you suppose it's a pleasure to lie +here?' + +'All the madhouses in the world,' said Mr Tapley, 'couldn't produce such +a maniac as the man must be who could think that.' + +'Then why are you forever goading and urging me to get up?' asked +Martin, 'I lie here because I don't wish to be recognized, in the better +days to which I aspire, by any purse-proud citizen, as the man who came +over with him among the steerage passengers. I lie here because I wish +to conceal my circumstances and myself, and not to arrive in a new world +badged and ticketed as an utterly poverty-stricken man. If I could have +afforded a passage in the after-cabin I should have held up my head with +the rest. As I couldn't I hide it. Do you understand that?' + +'I am very sorry, sir,' said Mark. 'I didn't know you took it so much to +heart as this comes to.' + +'Of course you didn't know,' returned his master. 'How should you +know, unless I told you? It's no trial to you, Mark, to make yourself +comfortable and to bustle about. It's as natural for you to do so under +the circumstances as it is for me not to do so. Why, you don't suppose +there is a living creature in this ship who can by possibility have half +so much to undergo on board of her as I have? Do you?' he asked, sitting +upright in his berth and looking at Mark, with an expression of great +earnestness not unmixed with wonder. + +Mark twisted his face into a tight knot, and with his head very much +on one side, pondered upon this question as if he felt it an extremely +difficult one to answer. He was relieved from his embarrassment by +Martin himself, who said, as he stretched himself upon his back again +and resumed the book he had been reading: + +'But what is the use of my putting such a case to you, when the very +essence of what I have been saying is, that you cannot by possibility +understand it! Make me a little brandy-and-water--cold and very +weak--and give me a biscuit, and tell your friend, who is a nearer +neighbour of ours than I could wish, to try and keep her children a +little quieter to-night than she did last night; that's a good fellow.' + +Mr Tapley set himself to obey these orders with great alacrity, and +pending their execution, it may be presumed his flagging spirits +revived; inasmuch as he several times observed, below his breath, that +in respect of its power of imparting a credit to jollity, the Screw +unquestionably had some decided advantages over the Dragon. He also +remarked that it was a high gratification to him to reflect that he +would carry its main excellence ashore with him, and have it constantly +beside him wherever he went; but what he meant by these consolatory +thoughts he did not explain. + +And now a general excitement began to prevail on board; and various +predictions relative to the precise day, and even the precise hour +at which they would reach New York, were freely broached. There was +infinitely more crowding on deck and looking over the ship's side than +there had been before; and an epidemic broke out for packing up things +every morning, which required unpacking again every night. Those who had +any letters to deliver, or any friends to meet, or any settled plans of +going anywhere or doing anything, discussed their prospects a hundred +times a day; and as this class of passengers was very small, and the +number of those who had no prospects whatever was very large, there were +plenty of listeners and few talkers. Those who had been ill all along, +got well now, and those who had been well, got better. An American +gentleman in the after-cabin, who had been wrapped up in fur and oilskin +the whole passage, unexpectedly appeared in a very shiny, tall, black +hat, and constantly overhauled a very little valise of pale leather, +which contained his clothes, linen, brushes, shaving apparatus, books, +trinkets, and other baggage. He likewise stuck his hands deep into +his pockets, and walked the deck with his nostrils dilated, as already +inhaling the air of Freedom which carries death to all tyrants, and can +never (under any circumstances worth mentioning) be breathed by slaves. +An English gentleman who was strongly suspected of having run away from +a bank, with something in his possession belonging to its strong box +besides the key, grew eloquent upon the subject of the rights of man, +and hummed the Marseillaise Hymn constantly. In a word, one great +sensation pervaded the whole ship, and the soil of America lay close +before them; so close at last, that, upon a certain starlight night they +took a pilot on board, and within a few hours afterwards lay to until +the morning, awaiting the arrival of a steamboat in which the passengers +were to be conveyed ashore. + +Off she came, soon after it was light next morning, and lying alongside +an hour or more--during which period her very firemen were objects of +hardly less interest and curiosity than if they had been so many angels, +good or bad--took all her living freight aboard. Among them Mark, who +still had his friend and her three children under his close protection; +and Martin, who had once more dressed himself in his usual attire, but +wore a soiled, old cloak above his ordinary clothes, until such time as +he should separate for ever from his late companions. + +The steamer--which, with its machinery on deck, looked, as it worked its +long slim legs, like some enormously magnified insect or antediluvian +monster--dashed at great speed up a beautiful bay; and presently they +saw some heights, and islands, and a long, flat, straggling city. + +'And this,' said Mr Tapley, looking far ahead, 'is the Land of Liberty, +is it? Very well. I'm agreeable. Any land will do for me, after so much +water!' + + + +CHAPTER SIXTEEN + +MARTIN DISEMBARKS FROM THAT NOBLE AND FAST-SAILING LINE-OF-PACKET SHIP, +'THE SCREW', AT THE PORT OF NEW YORK, IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. +HE MAKES SOME ACQUAINTANCES, AND DINES AT A BOARDING-HOUSE. THE +PARTICULARS OF THOSE TRANSACTIONS + + +Some trifling excitement prevailed upon the very brink and margin of the +land of liberty; for an alderman had been elected the day before; +and Party Feeling naturally running rather high on such an exciting +occasion, the friends of the disappointed candidate had found it +necessary to assert the great principles of Purity of Election and +Freedom of opinion by breaking a few legs and arms, and furthermore +pursuing one obnoxious gentleman through the streets with the design of +hitting his nose. These good-humoured little outbursts of the popular +fancy were not in themselves sufficiently remarkable to create any great +stir, after the lapse of a whole night; but they found fresh life and +notoriety in the breath of the newsboys, who not only proclaimed them +with shrill yells in all the highways and byways of the town, upon the +wharves and among the shipping, but on the deck and down in the cabins +of the steamboat; which, before she touched the shore, was boarded and +overrun by a legion of those young citizens. + +'Here's this morning's New York Sewer!' cried one. 'Here's this +morning's New York Stabber! Here's the New York Family Spy! Here's the +New York Private Listener! Here's the New York Peeper! Here's the New +York Plunderer! Here's the New York Keyhole Reporter! Here's the +New York Rowdy Journal! Here's all the New York papers! Here's full +particulars of the patriotic locofoco movement yesterday, in which +the whigs was so chawed up; and the last Alabama gouging case; and the +interesting Arkansas dooel with Bowie knives; and all the Political, +Commercial, and Fashionable News. Here they are! Here they are! Here's +the papers, here's the papers!' + +'Here's the Sewer!' cried another. 'Here's the New York Sewer! Here's +some of the twelfth thousand of to-day's Sewer, with the best accounts +of the markets, and all the shipping news, and four whole columns of +country correspondence, and a full account of the Ball at Mrs White's +last night, where all the beauty and fashion of New York was assembled; +with the Sewer's own particulars of the private lives of all the ladies +that was there! Here's the Sewer! Here's some of the twelfth thousand of +the New York Sewer! Here's the Sewer's exposure of the Wall Street +Gang, and the Sewer's exposure of the Washington Gang, and the Sewer's +exclusive account of a flagrant act of dishonesty committed by the +Secretary of State when he was eight years old; now communicated, at a +great expense, by his own nurse. Here's the Sewer! Here's the New York +Sewer, in its twelfth thousand, with a whole column of New Yorkers to be +shown up, and all their names printed! Here's the Sewer's article +upon the Judge that tried him, day afore yesterday, for libel, and the +Sewer's tribute to the independent Jury that didn't convict him, and the +Sewer's account of what they might have expected if they had! Here's +the Sewer, here's the Sewer! Here's the wide-awake Sewer; always on the +lookout; the leading Journal of the United States, now in its twelfth +thousand, and still a-printing off:--Here's the New York Sewer!' + +'It is in such enlightened means,' said a voice almost in Martin's ear, +'that the bubbling passions of my country find a vent.' + +Martin turned involuntarily, and saw, standing close at his side, a +sallow gentleman, with sunken cheeks, black hair, small twinkling eyes, +and a singular expression hovering about that region of his face, which +was not a frown, nor a leer, and yet might have been mistaken at the +first glance for either. Indeed it would have been difficult, on a much +closer acquaintance, to describe it in any more satisfactory terms than +as a mixed expression of vulgar cunning and conceit. This gentleman wore +a rather broad-brimmed hat for the greater wisdom of his appearance; and +had his arms folded for the greater impressiveness of his attitude. He +was somewhat shabbily dressed in a blue surtout reaching nearly to +his ankles, short loose trousers of the same colour, and a faded buff +waistcoat, through which a discoloured shirt-frill struggled to force +itself into notice, as asserting an equality of civil rights with +the other portions of his dress, and maintaining a declaration of +Independence on its own account. His feet, which were of unusually +large proportions, were leisurely crossed before him as he half leaned +against, half sat upon, the steamboat's bulwark; and his thick cane, +shod with a mighty ferule at one end and armed with a great metal +knob at the other, depended from a line-and-tassel on his wrist. Thus +attired, and thus composed into an aspect of great profundity, the +gentleman twitched up the right-hand corner of his mouth and his right +eye simultaneously, and said, once more: + +'It is in such enlightened means that the bubbling passions of my +country find a vent.' + +As he looked at Martin, and nobody else was by, Martin inclined his +head, and said: + +'You allude to--?' + +'To the Palladium of rational Liberty at home, sir, and the dread of +Foreign oppression abroad,' returned the gentleman, as he pointed with +his cane to an uncommonly dirty newsboy with one eye. 'To the Envy of +the world, sir, and the leaders of Human Civilization. Let me ask you +sir,' he added, bringing the ferule of his stick heavily upon the deck +with the air of a man who must not be equivocated with, 'how do you like +my Country?' + +'I am hardly prepared to answer that question yet,' said Martin 'seeing +that I have not been ashore.' + +'Well, I should expect you were not prepared, sir,' said the gentleman, +'to behold such signs of National Prosperity as those?' + +He pointed to the vessels lying at the wharves; and then gave a vague +flourish with his stick, as if he would include the air and water, +generally, in this remark. + +'Really,' said Martin, 'I don't know. Yes. I think I was.' + +The gentleman glanced at him with a knowing look, and said he liked his +policy. It was natural, he said, and it pleased him as a philosopher to +observe the prejudices of human nature. + +'You have brought, I see, sir,' he said, turning round towards Martin, +and resting his chin on the top of his stick, 'the usual amount of +misery and poverty and ignorance and crime, to be located in the bosom +of the great Republic. Well, sir! let 'em come on in shiploads from the +old country. When vessels are about to founder, the rats are said to +leave 'em. There is considerable of truth, I find, in that remark.' + +'The old ship will keep afloat a year or two longer yet, perhaps,' said +Martin with a smile, partly occasioned by what the gentleman said, +and partly by his manner of saying it, which was odd enough for he +emphasised all the small words and syllables in his discourse, and left +the others to take care of themselves; as if he thought the larger parts +of speech could be trusted alone, but the little ones required to be +constantly looked after. + +'Hope is said by the poet, sir,' observed the gentleman, 'to be the +nurse of young Desire.' + +Martin signified that he had heard of the cardinal virtue in question +serving occasionally in that domestic capacity. + +'She will not rear her infant in the present instance, sir, you'll +find,' observed the gentleman. + +'Time will show,' said Martin. + +The gentleman nodded his head gravely; and said, 'What is your name, +sir?' + +Martin told him. + +'How old are you, sir?' + +Martin told him. + +'What is your profession, sir?' + +Martin told him that also. + +'What is your destination, sir?' inquired the gentleman. + +'Really,' said Martin laughing, 'I can't satisfy you in that particular, +for I don't know it myself.' + +'Yes?' said the gentleman. + +'No,' said Martin. + +The gentleman adjusted his cane under his left arm, and took a more +deliberate and complete survey of Martin than he had yet had leisure to +make. When he had completed his inspection, he put out his right hand, +shook Martin's hand, and said: + +'My name is Colonel Diver, sir. I am the Editor of the New York Rowdy +Journal.' + +Martin received the communication with that degree of respect which an +announcement so distinguished appeared to demand. + +'The New York Rowdy Journal, sir,' resumed the colonel, 'is, as I expect +you know, the organ of our aristocracy in this city.' + +'Oh! there IS an aristocracy here, then?' said Martin. 'Of what is it +composed?' + +'Of intelligence, sir,' replied the colonel; 'of intelligence and +virtue. And of their necessary consequence in this republic--dollars, +sir.' + +Martin was very glad to hear this, feeling well assured that if +intelligence and virtue led, as a matter of course, to the acquisition +of dollars, he would speedily become a great capitalist. He was about +to express the gratification such news afforded him, when he was +interrupted by the captain of the ship, who came up at the moment to +shake hands with the colonel; and who, seeing a well-dressed stranger on +the deck (for Martin had thrown aside his cloak), shook hands with him +also. This was an unspeakable relief to Martin, who, in spite of the +acknowledged supremacy of Intelligence and virtue in that happy country, +would have been deeply mortified to appear before Colonel Diver in the +poor character of a steerage passenger. + +'Well cap'en!' said the colonel. + +'Well colonel,' cried the captain. 'You're looking most uncommon bright, +sir. I can hardly realise its being you, and that's a fact.' + +'A good passage, cap'en?' inquired the colonel, taking him aside, + +'Well now! It was a pretty spanking run, sir,' said, or rather sung, the +captain, who was a genuine New Englander; 'considerin' the weather.' + +'Yes?' said the colonel. + +'Well! It was, sir,' said the captain. 'I've just now sent a boy up to +your office with the passenger-list, colonel.' + +'You haven't got another boy to spare, p'raps, cap'en?' said the +colonel, in a tone almost amounting to severity. + +'I guess there air a dozen if you want 'em, colonel,' said the captain. + +'One moderate big 'un could convey a dozen champagne, perhaps,' observed +the colonel, musing, 'to my office. You said a spanking run, I think?' + +'Well, so I did,' was the reply. + +'It's very nigh, you know,' observed the colonel. 'I'm glad it was a +spanking run, cap'en. Don't mind about quarts if you're short of 'em. +The boy can as well bring four-and-twenty pints, and travel twice as +once.--A first-rate spanker, cap'en, was it? Yes?' + +'A most e--tarnal spanker,' said the skipper. + +'I admire at your good fortun, cap'en. You might loan me a corkscrew at +the same time, and half-a-dozen glasses if you liked. However bad the +elements combine against my country's noble packet-ship, the Screw, +sir,' said the colonel, turning to Martin, and drawing a flourish on +the surface of the deck with his cane, 'her passage either way is almost +certain to eventuate a spanker!' + +The captain, who had the Sewer below at that moment, lunching +expensively in one cabin, while the amiable Stabber was drinking himself +into a state of blind madness in another, took a cordial leave of his +friend the colonel, and hurried away to dispatch the champagne; well +knowing (as it afterwards appeared) that if he failed to conciliate the +editor of the Rowdy Journal, that potentate would denounce him and his +ship in large capitals before he was a day older; and would probably +assault the memory of his mother also, who had not been dead more than +twenty years. The colonel being again left alone with Martin, checked +him as he was moving away, and offered in consideration of his being an +Englishman, to show him the town and to introduce him, if such were his +desire, to a genteel boarding-house. But before they entered on these +proceedings (he said), he would beseech the honour of his company at the +office of the Rowdy Journal, to partake of a bottle of champagne of his +own importation. + +All this was so extremely kind and hospitable, that Martin, though it +was quite early in the morning, readily acquiesced. So, instructing +Mark, who was deeply engaged with his friend and her three children, +that when he had done assisting them, and had cleared the baggage, +he was to wait for further orders at the Rowdy Journal Office, Martin +accompanied his new friend on shore. + +They made their way as they best could through the melancholy crowd of +emigrants upon the wharf, who, grouped about their beds and boxes, with +the bare ground below them and the bare sky above, might have fallen +from another planet, for anything they knew of the country; and walked +for some short distance along a busy street, bounded on one side by the +quays and shipping; and on the other by a long row of staring red-brick +storehouses and offices, ornamented with more black boards and white +letters, and more white boards and black letters, than Martin had ever +seen before, in fifty times the space. Presently they turned up a narrow +street, and presently into other narrow streets, until at last they +stopped before a house whereon was painted in great characters, 'ROWDY +JOURNAL.' + +The colonel, who had walked the whole way with one hand in his breast, +his head occasionally wagging from side to side, and his hat thrown back +upon his ears, like a man who was oppressed to inconvenience by a sense +of his own greatness, led the way up a dark and dirty flight of stairs +into a room of similar character, all littered and bestrewn with odds +and ends of newspapers and other crumpled fragments, both in proof and +manuscript. Behind a mangy old writing-table in this apartment sat a +figure with a stump of a pen in its mouth and a great pair of scissors +in its right hand, clipping and slicing at a file of Rowdy Journals; +and it was such a laughable figure that Martin had some difficulty in +preserving his gravity, though conscious of the close observation of +Colonel Diver. + +The individual who sat clipping and slicing as aforesaid at the Rowdy +Journals, was a small young gentleman of very juvenile appearance, and +unwholesomely pale in the face; partly, perhaps, from intense thought, +but partly, there is no doubt, from the excessive use of tobacco, which +he was at that moment chewing vigorously. He wore his shirt-collar +turned down over a black ribbon; and his lank hair, a fragile crop, was +not only smoothed and parted back from his brow, that none of the Poetry +of his aspect might be lost, but had, here and there, been grubbed up by +the roots; which accounted for his loftiest developments being somewhat +pimply. He had that order of nose on which the envy of mankind has +bestowed the appellation 'snub,' and it was very much turned up at the +end, as with a lofty scorn. Upon the upper lip of this young gentleman +were tokens of a sandy down; so very, very smooth and scant, that, +though encouraged to the utmost, it looked more like a recent trace of +gingerbread than the fair promise of a moustache; and this conjecture, +his apparently tender age went far to strengthen. He was intent upon +his work. Every time he snapped the great pair of scissors, he made +a corresponding motion with his jaws, which gave him a very terrible +appearance. + +Martin was not long in determining within himself that this must be +Colonel Diver's son; the hope of the family, and future mainspring of +the Rowdy Journal. Indeed he had begun to say that he presumed this +was the colonel's little boy, and that it was very pleasant to see +him playing at Editor in all the guilelessness of childhood, when the +colonel proudly interposed and said: + +'My War Correspondent, sir--Mr Jefferson Brick!' + +Martin could not help starting at this unexpected announcement, and the +consciousness of the irretrievable mistake he had nearly made. + +Mr Brick seemed pleased with the sensation he produced upon the +stranger, and shook hands with him, with an air of patronage designed +to reassure him, and to let him blow that there was no occasion to be +frightened, for he (Brick) wouldn't hurt him. + +'You have heard of Jefferson Brick, I see, sir,' quoth the colonel, +with a smile. 'England has heard of Jefferson Brick. Europe has heard of +Jefferson Brick. Let me see. When did you leave England, sir?' + +'Five weeks ago,' said Martin. + +'Five weeks ago,' repeated the colonel, thoughtfully; as he took his +seat upon the table, and swung his legs. 'Now let me ask you, sir which +of Mr Brick's articles had become at that time the most obnoxious to the +British Parliament and the Court of Saint James's?' + +'Upon my word,' said Martin, 'I--' + +'I have reason to know, sir,' interrupted the colonel, 'that the +aristocratic circles of your country quail before the name of Jefferson +Brick. I should like to be informed, sir, from your lips, which of his +sentiments has struck the deadliest blow--' + +'At the hundred heads of the Hydra of Corruption now grovelling in the +dust beneath the lance of Reason, and spouting up to the universal arch +above us, its sanguinary gore,' said Mr Brick, putting on a little blue +cloth cap with a glazed front, and quoting his last article. + +'The libation of freedom, Brick'--hinted the colonel. + +'--Must sometimes be quaffed in blood, colonel,' cried Brick. And when +he said 'blood,' he gave the great pair of scissors a sharp snap, as if +THEY said blood too, and were quite of his opinion. + +This done, they both looked at Martin, pausing for a reply. + +'Upon my life,' said Martin, who had by this time quite recovered his +usual coolness, 'I can't give you any satisfactory information about it; +for the truth is that I--' + +'Stop!' cried the colonel, glancing sternly at his war correspondent and +giving his head one shake after every sentence. 'That you never heard of +Jefferson Brick, sir. That you never read Jefferson Brick, sir. That +you never saw the Rowdy Journal, sir. That you never knew, sir, of its +mighty influence upon the cabinets of Europe. Yes?' + +'That's what I was about to observe, certainly,' said Martin. + +'Keep cool, Jefferson,' said the colonel gravely. 'Don't bust! oh you +Europeans! After that, let's have a glass of wine!' So saying, he got +down from the table, and produced, from a basket outside the door, a +bottle of champagne, and three glasses. + +'Mr Jefferson Brick, sir,' said the colonel, filling Martin's glass +and his own, and pushing the bottle to that gentleman, 'will give us a +sentiment.' + +'Well, sir!' cried the war correspondent, 'Since you have concluded to +call upon me, I will respond. I will give you, sir, The Rowdy Journal +and its brethren; the well of Truth, whose waters are black from being +composed of printers' ink, but are quite clear enough for my country to +behold the shadow of her Destiny reflected in.' + +'Hear, hear!' cried the colonel, with great complacency. 'There are +flowery components, sir, in the language of my friend?' + +'Very much so, indeed,' said Martin. + +'There is to-day's Rowdy, sir,' observed the colonel, handing him a +paper. 'You'll find Jefferson Brick at his usual post in the van of +human civilization and moral purity.' + +The colonel was by this time seated on the table again. Mr Brick also +took up a position on that same piece of furniture; and they fell to +drinking pretty hard. They often looked at Martin as he read the paper, +and then at each other. When he laid it down, which was not until they +had finished a second bottle, the colonel asked him what he thought of +it. + +'Why, it's horribly personal,' said Martin. + +The colonel seemed much flattered by this remark; and said he hoped it +was. + +'We are independent here, sir,' said Mr Jefferson Brick. 'We do as we +like.' + +'If I may judge from this specimen,' returned Martin, 'there must be a +few thousands here, rather the reverse of independent, who do as they +don't like.' + +'Well! They yield to the popular mind of the Popular Instructor, sir,' +said the colonel. 'They rile up, sometimes; but in general we have a +hold upon our citizens, both in public and in private life, which is as +much one of the ennobling institutions of our happy country as--' + +'As nigger slavery itself,' suggested Mr Brick. + +'En--tirely so,' remarked the colonel. + +'Pray,' said Martin, after some hesitation, 'may I venture to ask, +with reference to a case I observe in this paper of yours, whether the +Popular Instructor often deals in--I am at a loss to express it without +giving you offence--in forgery? In forged letters, for instance,' he +pursued, for the colonel was perfectly calm and quite at his ease, +'solemnly purporting to have been written at recent periods by living +men?' + +'Well, sir!' replied the colonel. 'It does, now and then.' + +'And the popular instructed--what do they do?' asked Martin. + +'Buy 'em:' said the colonel. + +Mr Jefferson Brick expectorated and laughed; the former copiously, the +latter approvingly. + +'Buy 'em by hundreds of thousands,' resumed the colonel. 'We are a smart +people here, and can appreciate smartness.' + +'Is smartness American for forgery?' asked Martin. + +'Well!' said the colonel, 'I expect it's American for a good many things +that you call by other names. But you can't help yourself in Europe. We +can.' + +'And do, sometimes,' thought Martin. 'You help yourselves with very +little ceremony, too!' + +'At all events, whatever name we choose to employ,' said the colonel, +stooping down to roll the third empty bottle into a corner after the +other two, 'I suppose the art of forgery was not invented here sir?' + +'I suppose not,' replied Martin. + +'Nor any other kind of smartness I reckon?' + +'Invented! No, I presume not.' + +'Well!' said the colonel; 'then we got it all from the old country, and +the old country's to blame for it, and not the new 'un. There's an end +of THAT. Now, if Mr Jefferson Brick and you will be so good as to clear, +I'll come out last, and lock the door.' + +Rightly interpreting this as the signal for their departure, Martin +walked downstairs after the war correspondent, who preceded him with +great majesty. The colonel following, they left the Rowdy Journal Office +and walked forth into the streets; Martin feeling doubtful whether +he ought to kick the colonel for having presumed to speak to him, +or whether it came within the bounds of possibility that he and his +establishment could be among the boasted usages of that regenerated +land. + +It was clear that Colonel Diver, in the security of his strong position, +and in his perfect understanding of the public sentiment, cared very +little what Martin or anybody else thought about him. His high-spiced +wares were made to sell, and they sold; and his thousands of readers +could as rationally charge their delight in filth upon him, as a glutton +can shift upon his cook the responsibility of his beastly excess. +Nothing would have delighted the colonel more than to be told that +no such man as he could walk in high success the streets of any other +country in the world; for that would only have been a logical assurance +to him of the correct adaptation of his labours to the prevailing taste, +and of his being strictly and peculiarly a national feature of America. + +They walked a mile or more along a handsome street which the colonel +said was called Broadway, and which Mr Jefferson Brick said 'whipped the +universe.' Turning, at length, into one of the numerous streets which +branched from this main thoroughfare, they stopped before a rather +mean-looking house with jalousie blinds to every window; a flight of +steps before the green street-door; a shining white ornament on the +rails on either side like a petrified pineapple, polished; a little +oblong plate of the same material over the knocker whereon the name of +'Pawkins' was engraved; and four accidental pigs looking down the area. + +The colonel knocked at this house with the air of a man who lived there; +and an Irish girl popped her head out of one of the top windows to see +who it was. Pending her journey downstairs, the pigs were joined by two +or three friends from the next street, in company with whom they lay +down sociably in the gutter. + +'Is the major indoors?' inquired the colonel, as he entered. + +'Is it the master, sir?' returned the girl, with a hesitation +which seemed to imply that they were rather flush of majors in that +establishment. + +'The master!' said Colonel Diver, stopping short and looking round at +his war correspondent. + +'Oh! The depressing institutions of that British empire, colonel!' said +Jefferson Brick. 'Master!' + +'What's the matter with the word?' asked Martin. + +'I should hope it was never heard in our country, sir; that's all,' said +Jefferson Brick; 'except when it is used by some degraded Help, as new +to the blessings of our form of government, as this Help is. There are +no masters here.' + +'All "owners," are they?' said Martin. + +Mr Jefferson Brick followed in the Rowdy Journal's footsteps without +returning any answer. Martin took the same course, thinking as he went, +that perhaps the free and independent citizens, who in their moral +elevation, owned the colonel for their master, might render better +homage to the goddess, Liberty, in nightly dreams upon the oven of a +Russian Serf. + +The colonel led the way into a room at the back of the house upon +the ground-floor, light, and of fair dimensions, but exquisitely +uncomfortable; having nothing in it but the four cold white walls and +ceiling, a mean carpet, a dreary waste of dining-table reaching from +end to end, and a bewildering collection of cane-bottomed chairs. In the +further region of this banqueting-hall was a stove, garnished on either +side with a great brass spittoon, and shaped in itself like three little +iron barrels set up on end in a fender, and joined together on the +principle of the Siamese Twins. Before it, swinging himself in a +rocking-chair, lounged a large gentleman with his hat on, who amused +himself by spitting alternately into the spittoon on the right hand of +the stove, and the spittoon on the left, and then working his way back +again in the same order. A negro lad in a soiled white jacket was busily +engaged in placing on the table two long rows of knives and forks, +relieved at intervals by jugs of water; and as he travelled down one +side of this festive board, he straightened with his dirty hands the +dirtier cloth, which was all askew, and had not been removed since +breakfast. The atmosphere of this room was rendered intensely hot and +stifling by the stove; but being further flavoured by a sickly gush +of soup from the kitchen, and by such remote suggestions of tobacco as +lingered within the brazen receptacles already mentioned, it became, to +a stranger's senses, almost insupportable. + +The gentleman in the rocking-chair having his back towards them, and +being much engaged in his intellectual pastime, was not aware of their +approach until the colonel, walking up to the stove, contributed +his mite towards the support of the left-hand spittoon, just as the +major--for it was the major--bore down upon it. Major Pawkins then +reserved his fire, and looking upward, said, with a peculiar air of +quiet weariness, like a man who had been up all night--an air which +Martin had already observed both in the colonel and Mr Jefferson Brick-- + +'Well, colonel!' + +'Here is a gentleman from England, major,' the colonel replied, 'who +has concluded to locate himself here if the amount of compensation suits +him.' + +'I am glad to see you, sir,' observed the major, shaking hands with +Martin, and not moving a muscle of his face. 'You are pretty bright, I +hope?' + +'Never better,' said Martin. + +'You are never likely to be,' returned the major. 'You will see the sun +shine HERE.' + +'I think I remember to have seen it shine at home sometimes,' said +Martin, smiling. + +'I think not,' replied the major. He said so with a stoical indifference +certainly, but still in a tone of firmness which admitted of no further +dispute on that point. When he had thus settled the question, he put his +hat a little on one side for the greater convenience of scratching his +head, and saluted Mr Jefferson Brick with a lazy nod. + +Major Pawkins (a gentleman of Pennsylvanian origin) was distinguished by +a very large skull, and a great mass of yellow forehead; in deference +to which commodities it was currently held in bar-rooms and other such +places of resort that the major was a man of huge sagacity. He was +further to be known by a heavy eye and a dull slow manner; and for being +a man of that kind who--mentally speaking--requires a deal of room to +turn himself in. But, in trading on his stock of wisdom, he invariably +proceeded on the principle of putting all the goods he had (and more) +into his window; and that went a great way with his constituency of +admirers. It went a great way, perhaps, with Mr Jefferson Brick, who +took occasion to whisper in Martin's ear: + +'One of the most remarkable men in our country, sir!' + +It must not be supposed, however, that the perpetual exhibition in the +market-place of all his stock-in-trade for sale or hire, was the major's +sole claim to a very large share of sympathy and support. He was a great +politician; and the one article of his creed, in reference to all public +obligations involving the good faith and integrity of his country, was, +'run a moist pen slick through everything, and start fresh.' This +made him a patriot. In commercial affairs he was a bold speculator. +In plainer words he had a most distinguished genius for swindling, and +could start a bank, or negotiate a loan, or form a land-jobbing company +(entailing ruin, pestilence, and death, on hundreds of families), with +any gifted creature in the Union. This made him an admirable man of +business. He could hang about a bar-room, discussing the affairs of the +nation, for twelve hours together; and in that time could hold forth +with more intolerable dulness, chew more tobacco, smoke more tobacco, +drink more rum-toddy, mint-julep, gin-sling, and cocktail, than any +private gentleman of his acquaintance. This made him an orator and a +man of the people. In a word, the major was a rising character, and a +popular character, and was in a fair way to be sent by the popular party +to the State House of New York, if not in the end to Washington itself. +But as a man's private prosperity does not always keep pace with his +patriotic devotion to public affairs; and as fraudulent transactions +have their downs as well as ups, the major was occasionally under a +cloud. Hence, just now Mrs Pawkins kept a boarding-house, and Major +Pawkins rather 'loafed' his time away than otherwise. + +'You have come to visit our country, sir, at a season of great +commercial depression,' said the major. + +'At an alarming crisis,' said the colonel. + +'At a period of unprecedented stagnation,' said Mr Jefferson Brick. + +'I am sorry to hear that,' returned Martin. 'It's not likely to last, I +hope?' + +Martin knew nothing about America, or he would have known perfectly well +that if its individual citizens, to a man, are to be believed, it always +IS depressed, and always IS stagnated, and always IS at an alarming +crisis, and never was otherwise; though as a body they are ready to make +oath upon the Evangelists at any hour of the day or night, that it +is the most thriving and prosperous of all countries on the habitable +globe. + +'It's not likely to last, I hope?' said Martin. + +'Well!' returned the major, 'I expect we shall get along somehow, and +come right in the end.' + +'We are an elastic country,' said the Rowdy Journal. + +'We are a young lion,' said Mr Jefferson Brick. + +'We have revivifying and vigorous principles within ourselves,' observed +the major. 'Shall we drink a bitter afore dinner, colonel?' + +The colonel assenting to this proposal with great alacrity, Major +Pawkins proposed an adjournment to a neighbouring bar-room, which, as he +observed, was 'only in the next block.' He then referred Martin to +Mrs Pawkins for all particulars connected with the rate of board and +lodging, and informed him that he would have the pleasure of seeing that +lady at dinner, which would soon be ready, as the dinner hour was two +o'clock, and it only wanted a quarter now. This reminded him that if the +bitter were to be taken at all, there was no time to lose; so he walked +off without more ado, and left them to follow if they thought proper. + +When the major rose from his rocking-chair before the stove, and so +disturbed the hot air and balmy whiff of soup which fanned their brows, +the odour of stale tobacco became so decidedly prevalent as to leave no +doubt of its proceeding mainly from that gentleman's attire. Indeed, +as Martin walked behind him to the bar-room, he could not help thinking +that the great square major, in his listlessness and langour, looked +very much like a stale weed himself; such as might be hoed out of +the public garden, with great advantage to the decent growth of that +preserve, and tossed on some congenial dunghill. + +They encountered more weeds in the bar-room, some of whom (being thirsty +souls as well as dirty) were pretty stale in one sense, and pretty fresh +in another. Among them was a gentleman who, as Martin gathered from the +conversation that took place over the bitter, started that afternoon for +the Far West on a six months' business tour, and who, as his outfit and +equipment for this journey, had just such another shiny hat and just +such another little pale valise as had composed the luggage of the +gentleman who came from England in the Screw. + +They were walking back very leisurely; Martin arm-in-arm with Mr +Jefferson Brick, and the major and the colonel side-by-side before them; +when, as they came within a house or two of the major's residence, they +heard a bell ringing violently. The instant this sound struck upon their +ears, the colonel and the major darted off, dashed up the steps and in +at the street-door (which stood ajar) like lunatics; while Mr Jefferson +Brick, detaching his arm from Martin's, made a precipitate dive in the +same direction, and vanished also. + +'Good Heaven!' thought Martin. 'The premises are on fire! It was an +alarm bell!' + +But there was no smoke to be seen, nor any flame, nor was there any +smell of fire. As Martin faltered on the pavement, three more gentlemen, +with horror and agitation depicted in their faces, came plunging wildly +round the street corner; jostled each other on the steps; struggled for +an instant; and rushed into the house, a confused heap of arms and +legs. Unable to bear it any longer, Martin followed. Even in his +rapid progress he was run down, thrust aside, and passed, by two more +gentlemen, stark mad, as it appeared, with fierce excitement. + +'Where is it?' cried Martin, breathlessly, to a negro whom he +encountered in the passage. + +'In a eatin room, sa. Kernell, sa, him kep a seat 'side himself, sa.' + +'A seat!' cried Martin. + +'For a dinnar, sa.' + +Martin started at him for a moment, and burst into a hearty laugh; to +which the negro, out of his natural good humour and desire to please, so +heartily responded, that his teeth shone like a gleam of light. 'You're +the pleasantest fellow I have seen yet,' said Martin clapping him on the +back, 'and give me a better appetite than bitters.' + +With this sentiment he walked into the dining-room and slipped into +a chair next the colonel, which that gentleman (by this time nearly +through his dinner) had turned down in reserve for him, with its back +against the table. + +It was a numerous company--eighteen or twenty perhaps. Of these some +five or six were ladies, who sat wedged together in a little phalanx by +themselves. All the knives and forks were working away at a rate that +was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to +eat his utmost in self-defence, as if a famine were expected to set in +before breakfast time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time +to assert the first law of nature. The poultry, which may perhaps be +considered to have formed the staple of the entertainment--for there was +a turkey at the top, a pair of ducks at the bottom, and two fowls in the +middle--disappeared as rapidly as if every bird had had the use of its +wings, and had flown in desperation down a human throat. The oysters, +stewed and pickled, leaped from their capacious reservoirs, and slid by +scores into the mouths of the assembly. The sharpest pickles vanished, +whole cucumbers at once, like sugar-plums, and no man winked his eye. +Great heaps of indigestible matter melted away as ice before the sun. +It was a solemn and an awful thing to see. Dyspeptic individuals bolted +their food in wedges; feeding, not themselves, but broods of nightmares, +who were continually standing at livery within them. Spare men, with +lank and rigid cheeks, came out unsatisfied from the destruction of +heavy dishes, and glared with watchful eyes upon the pastry. What Mrs +Pawkins felt each day at dinner-time is hidden from all human knowledge. +But she had one comfort. It was very soon over. + +When the colonel had finished his dinner, which event took place while +Martin, who had sent his plate for some turkey, was waiting to begin, +he asked him what he thought of the boarders, who were from all parts of +the Union, and whether he would like to know any particulars concerning +them. + +'Pray,' said Martin, 'who is that sickly little girl opposite, with the +tight round eyes? I don't see anybody here, who looks like her mother, +or who seems to have charge of her.' + +'Do you mean the matron in blue, sir?' asked the colonel, with emphasis. +'That is Mrs Jefferson Brick, sir.' + +'No, no,' said Martin, 'I mean the little girl, like a doll; directly +opposite.' + +'Well, sir!' cried the colonel. 'THAT is Mrs Jefferson Brick.' + +Martin glanced at the colonel's face, but he was quite serious. + +'Bless my soul! I suppose there will be a young Brick then, one of these +days?' said Martin. + +'There are two young Bricks already, sir,' returned the colonel. + +The matron looked so uncommonly like a child herself, that Martin could +not help saying as much. 'Yes, sir,' returned the colonel, 'but some +institutions develop human natur; others re--tard it.' + +'Jefferson Brick,' he observed after a short silence, in commendation +of his correspondent, 'is one of the most remarkable men in our country, +sir!' + +This had passed almost in a whisper, for the distinguished gentleman +alluded to sat on Martin's other hand. + +'Pray, Mr Brick,' said Martin, turning to him, and asking a question +more for conversation's sake than from any feeling of interest in its +subject, 'who is that;' he was going to say 'young' but thought it +prudent to eschew the word--'that very short gentleman yonder, with the +red nose?' + +'That is Pro--fessor Mullit, sir,' replied Jefferson. + +'May I ask what he is professor of?' asked Martin. + +'Of education, sir,' said Jefferson Brick. + +'A sort of schoolmaster, possibly?' Martin ventured to observe. + +'He is a man of fine moral elements, sir, and not commonly endowed,' +said the war correspondent. 'He felt it necessary, at the last election +for President, to repudiate and denounce his father, who voted on the +wrong interest. He has since written some powerful pamphlets, under +the signature of "Suturb," or Brutus reversed. He is one of the most +remarkable men in our country, sir.' + +'There seem to be plenty of 'em,' thought Martin, 'at any rate.' + +Pursuing his inquiries Martin found that there were no fewer than four +majors present, two colonels, one general, and a captain, so that he +could not help thinking how strongly officered the American militia must +be; and wondering very much whether the officers commanded each other; +or if they did not, where on earth the privates came from. There seemed +to be no man there without a title; for those who had not attained to +military honours were either doctors, professors, or reverends. Three +very hard and disagreeable gentlemen were on missions from neighbouring +States; one on monetary affairs, one on political, one on sectarian. +Among the ladies, there were Mrs Pawkins, who was very straight, bony, +and silent; and a wiry-faced old damsel, who held strong sentiments +touching the rights of women, and had diffused the same in lectures; +but the rest were strangely devoid of individual traits of character, +insomuch that any one of them might have changed minds with the other, +and nobody would have found it out. These, by the way, were the only +members of the party who did not appear to be among the most remarkable +people in the country. + +Several of the gentlemen got up, one by one, and walked off as they +swallowed their last morsel; pausing generally by the stove for a minute +or so to refresh themselves at the brass spittoons. A few sedentary +characters, however, remained at table full a quarter of an hour, and +did not rise until the ladies rose, when all stood up. + +'Where are they going?' asked Martin, in the ear of Mr Jefferson Brick. + +'To their bedrooms, sir.' + +'Is there no dessert, or other interval of conversation?' asked Martin, +who was disposed to enjoy himself after his long voyage. + +'We are a busy people here, sir, and have no time for that,' was the +reply. + +So the ladies passed out in single file; Mr Jefferson Brick and such +other married gentlemen as were left, acknowledging the departure +of their other halves by a nod; and there was an end of THEM. Martin +thought this an uncomfortable custom, but he kept his opinion to himself +for the present, being anxious to hear, and inform himself by, the +conversation of the busy gentlemen, who now lounged about the stove as +if a great weight had been taken off their minds by the withdrawal of +the other sex; and who made a plentiful use of the spittoons and their +toothpicks. + +It was rather barren of interest, to say the truth; and the greater part +of it may be summed up in one word. Dollars. All their cares, hopes, +joys, affections, virtues, and associations, seemed to be melted down +into dollars. Whatever the chance contributions that fell into the slow +cauldron of their talk, they made the gruel thick and slab with dollars. +Men were weighed by their dollars, measures gauged by their dollars; +life was auctioneered, appraised, put up, and knocked down for its +dollars. The next respectable thing to dollars was any venture having +their attainment for its end. The more of that worthless ballast, honour +and fair-dealing, which any man cast overboard from the ship of his Good +Name and Good Intent, the more ample stowage-room he had for dollars. +Make commerce one huge lie and mighty theft. Deface the banner of the +nation for an idle rag; pollute it star by star; and cut out stripe by +stripe as from the arm of a degraded soldier. Do anything for dollars! +What is a flag to THEM! + +One who rides at all hazards of limb and life in the chase of a fox, +will prefer to ride recklessly at most times. So it was with these +gentlemen. He was the greatest patriot, in their eyes, who brawled the +loudest, and who cared the least for decency. He was their champion who, +in the brutal fury of his own pursuit, could cast no stigma upon them +for the hot knavery of theirs. Thus, Martin learned in the five minutes' +straggling talk about the stove, that to carry pistols into legislative +assemblies, and swords in sticks, and other such peaceful toys; to seize +opponents by the throat, as dogs or rats might do; to bluster, bully, +and overbear by personal assailment; were glowing deeds. Not thrusts and +stabs at Freedom, striking far deeper into her House of Life than any +sultan's scimitar could reach; but rare incense on her altars, having a +grateful scent in patriotic nostrils, and curling upward to the seventh +heaven of Fame. + +Once or twice, when there was a pause, Martin asked such questions as +naturally occurred to him, being a stranger, about the national poets, +the theatre, literature, and the arts. But the information which these +gentlemen were in a condition to give him on such topics, did not extend +beyond the effusions of such master-spirits of the time as Colonel +Diver, Mr Jefferson Brick, and others; renowned, as it appeared, for +excellence in the achievement of a peculiar style of broadside essay +called 'a screamer.' + +'We are a busy people, sir,' said one of the captains, who was from the +West, 'and have no time for reading mere notions. We don't mind 'em +if they come to us in newspapers along with almighty strong stuff of +another sort, but darn your books.' + +Here the general, who appeared to grow quite faint at the bare thought +of reading anything which was neither mercantile nor political, and was +not in a newspaper, inquired 'if any gentleman would drink some?' Most +of the company, considering this a very choice and seasonable idea, +lounged out, one by one, to the bar-room in the next block. Thence +they probably went to their stores and counting-houses; thence to the +bar-room again, to talk once more of dollars, and enlarge their minds +with the perusal and discussion of screamers; and thence each man to +snore in the bosom of his own family. + +'Which would seem,' said Martin, pursuing the current of his own +thoughts, 'to be the principal recreation they enjoy in common.' With +that, he fell a-musing again on dollars, demagogues, and bar-rooms; +debating within himself whether busy people of this class were really +as busy as they claimed to be, or only had an inaptitude for social and +domestic pleasure. + +It was a difficult question to solve; and the mere fact of its being +strongly presented to his mind by all that he had seen and heard, was +not encouraging. He sat down at the deserted board, and becoming +more and more despondent, as he thought of all the uncertainties and +difficulties of his precarious situation, sighed heavily. + +Now, there had been at the dinner-table a middle-aged man with a dark +eye and a sunburnt face, who had attracted Martin's attention by having +something very engaging and honest in the expression of his features; +but of whom he could learn nothing from either of his neighbours, who +seemed to consider him quite beneath their notice. He had taken no part +in the conversation round the stove, nor had he gone forth with the +rest; and now, when he heard Martin sigh for the third or fourth +time, he interposed with some casual remark, as if he desired, without +obtruding himself upon a stranger's notice, to engage him in cheerful +conversation if he could. His motive was so obvious, and yet so +delicately expressed, that Martin felt really grateful to him, and +showed him so in the manner of his reply. + +'I will not ask you,' said this gentleman with a smile, as he rose and +moved towards him, 'how you like my country, for I can quite anticipate +your feeling on that point. But, as I am an American, and consequently +bound to begin with a question, I'll ask you how you like the colonel?' + +'You are so very frank,' returned Martin, 'that I have no hesitation in +saying I don't like him at all. Though I must add that I am beholden to +him for his civility in bringing me here--and arranging for my stay, +on pretty reasonable terms, by the way,' he added, remembering that the +colonel had whispered him to that effect, before going out. + +'Not much beholden,' said the stranger drily. 'The colonel occasionally +boards packet-ships, I have heard, to glean the latest information +for his journal; and he occasionally brings strangers to board here, I +believe, with a view to the little percentage which attaches to those +good offices; and which the hostess deducts from his weekly bill. I +don't offend you, I hope?' he added, seeing that Martin reddened. + +'My dear sir,' returned Martin, as they shook hands, 'how is that +possible! to tell you the truth, I--am--' + +'Yes?' said the gentleman, sitting down beside him. + +'I am rather at a loss, since I must speak plainly,' said Martin, +getting the better of his hesitation, 'to know how this colonel escapes +being beaten.' + +'Well! He has been beaten once or twice,' remarked the gentleman +quietly. 'He is one of a class of men, in whom our own Franklin, so +long ago as ten years before the close of the last century, foresaw +our danger and disgrace. Perhaps you don't know that Franklin, in very +severe terms, published his opinion that those who were slandered +by such fellows as this colonel, having no sufficient remedy in the +administration of this country's laws or in the decent and right-minded +feeling of its people, were justified in retorting on such public +nuisances by means of a stout cudgel?' + +'I was not aware of that,' said Martin, 'but I am very glad to know +it, and I think it worthy of his memory; especially'--here he hesitated +again. + +'Go on,' said the other, smiling as if he knew what stuck in Martin's +throat. + +'Especially,' pursued Martin, 'as I can already understand that it may +have required great courage, even in his time, to write freely on any +question which was not a party one in this very free country.' + +'Some courage, no doubt,' returned his new friend. 'Do you think it +would require any to do so, now?' + +'Indeed I think it would; and not a little,' said Martin. + +'You are right. So very right, that I believe no satirist could breathe +this air. If another Juvenal or Swift could rise up among us to-morrow, +he would be hunted down. If you have any knowledge of our literature, +and can give me the name of any man, American born and bred, who has +anatomized our follies as a people, and not as this or that party; and +who has escaped the foulest and most brutal slander, the most inveterate +hatred and intolerant pursuit; it will be a strange name in my ears, +believe me. In some cases I could name to you, where a native writer +has ventured on the most harmless and good-humoured illustrations of +our vices or defects, it has been found necessary to announce, that in +a second edition the passage has been expunged, or altered, or explained +away, or patched into praise.' + +'And how has this been brought about?' asked Martin, in dismay. + +'Think of what you have seen and heard to-day, beginning with the +colonel,' said his friend, 'and ask yourself. How THEY came about, +is another question. Heaven forbid that they should be samples of the +intelligence and virtue of America, but they come uppermost, and in +great numbers, and too often represent it. Will you walk?' + +There was a cordial candour in his manner, and an engaging confidence +that it would not be abused; a manly bearing on his own part, and a +simple reliance on the manly faith of a stranger; which Martin had +never seen before. He linked his arm readily in that of the American +gentleman, and they walked out together. + +It was perhaps to men like this, his new companion, that a traveller +of honoured name, who trod those shores now nearly forty years ago, and +woke upon that soil, as many have done since, to blots and stains upon +its high pretensions, which in the brightness of his distant dreams were +lost to view, appealed in these words-- + + 'Oh, but for such, Columbia's days were done; + Rank without ripeness, quickened without sun, + Crude at the surface, rotten at the core, + Her fruits would fall before her spring were o'er!' + + + +CHAPTER SEVENTEEN + +MARTIN ENLARGES HIS CIRCLE OF AQUAINTANCE; INCREASES HIS STOCK +OF WISDOM; AND HAS AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY OF COMPARING HIS OWN +EXPERIENCES WITH THOSE OF LUMMY NED OF THE LIGHT SALISBURY, AS RELATED +BY HIS FRIEND MR WILLIAM SIMMONS + + +It was characteristic of Martin, that all this while he had either +forgotten Mark Tapley as completely as if there had been no such person +in existence, or, if for a moment the figure of that gentleman rose +before his mental vision, had dismissed it as something by no means of +a pressing nature, which might be attended to by-and-bye, and could wait +his perfect leisure. But, being now in the streets again, it occurred to +him as just coming within the bare limits of possibility that Mr Tapley +might, in course of time, grow tired of waiting on the threshold of the +Rowdy Journal Office, so he intimated to his new friend, that if they +could conveniently walk in that direction, he would be glad to get this +piece of business off his mind. + +'And speaking of business,' said Martin, 'may I ask, in order that I may +not be behind-hand with questions either, whether your occupation holds +you to this city, or like myself, you are a visitor here?' + +'A visitor,' replied his friend. 'I was "raised" in the State of +Massachusetts, and reside there still. My home is in a quiet country +town. I am not often in these busy places; and my inclination to visit +them does not increase with our better acquaintance, I assure you.' + +'You have been abroad?' asked Martin. + +'Oh yes.' + +'And, like most people who travel, have become more than ever attached +to your home and native country,' said Martin, eyeing him curiously. + +'To my home--yes,' rejoined his friend. 'To my native country AS my +home--yes, also.' + +'You imply some reservation,' said Martin. + +'Well,' returned his new friend, 'if you ask me whether I came back here +with a greater relish for my country's faults; with a greater fondness +for those who claim (at the rate of so many dollars a day) to be her +friends; with a cooler indifference to the growth of principles among +us in respect of public matters and of private dealings between man and +man, the advocacy of which, beyond the foul atmosphere of a criminal +trial, would disgrace your own old Bailey lawyers; why, then I answer +plainly, No.' + +'Oh!' said Martin; in so exactly the same key as his friend's No, that +it sounded like an echo. + +'If you ask me,' his companion pursued, 'whether I came back here better +satisfied with a state of things which broadly divides society into two +classes--whereof one, the great mass, asserts a spurious independence, +most miserably dependent for its mean existence on the disregard of +humanizing conventionalities of manner and social custom, so that the +coarser a man is, the more distinctly it shall appeal to his taste; +while the other, disgusted with the low standard thus set up and made +adaptable to everything, takes refuge among the graces and refinements +it can bring to bear on private life, and leaves the public weal to +such fortune as may betide it in the press and uproar of a general +scramble--then again I answer, No.' + +And again Martin said 'Oh!' in the same odd way as before, being anxious +and disconcerted; not so much, to say the truth, on public grounds, as +with reference to the fading prospects of domestic architecture. + +'In a word,' resumed the other, 'I do not find and cannot believe and +therefore will not allow, that we are a model of wisdom, and an example +to the world, and the perfection of human reason, and a great deal more +to the same purpose, which you may hear any hour in the day; simply +because we began our political life with two inestimable advantages.' + +'What were they?' asked Martin. + +'One, that our history commenced at so late a period as to escape the +ages of bloodshed and cruelty through which other nations have passed; +and so had all the light of their probation, and none of its darkness. +The other, that we have a vast territory, and not--as yet--too many +people on it. These facts considered, we have done little enough, I +think.' + +'Education?' suggested Martin, faintly. + +'Pretty well on that head,' said the other, shrugging his shoulders, +'still no mighty matter to boast of; for old countries, and despotic +countries too, have done as much, if not more, and made less noise about +it. We shine out brightly in comparison with England, certainly; but +hers is a very extreme case. You complimented me on my frankness, you +know,' he added, laughing. + +'Oh! I am not at all astonished at your speaking thus openly when my +country is in question,' returned Martin. 'It is your plain-speaking in +reference to your own that surprises me.' + +'You will not find it a scarce quality here, I assure you, saving among +the Colonel Divers, and Jefferson Bricks, and Major Pawkinses; though +the best of us are something like the man in Goldsmith's comedy, who +wouldn't suffer anybody but himself to abuse his master. Come!' he +added. 'Let us talk of something else. You have come here on some design +of improving your fortune, I dare say; and I should grieve to put you +out of heart. I am some years older than you, besides; and may, on a few +trivial points, advise you, perhaps.' + +There was not the least curiosity or impertinence in the manner of this +offer, which was open-hearted, unaffected, and good-natured. As it was +next to impossible that he should not have his confidence awakened by +a deportment so prepossessing and kind, Martin plainly stated what had +brought him into those parts, and even made the very difficult avowal +that he was poor. He did not say how poor, it must be admitted, rather +throwing off the declaration with an air which might have implied that +he had money enough for six months, instead of as many weeks; but poor +he said he was, and grateful he said he would be, for any counsel that +his friend would give him. + +It would not have been very difficult for any one to see; but it was +particularly easy for Martin, whose perceptions were sharpened by his +circumstances, to discern; that the stranger's face grew infinitely +longer as the domestic-architecture project was developed. Nor, although +he made a great effort to be as encouraging as possible, could he +prevent his head from shaking once involuntarily, as if it said in the +vulgar tongue, upon its own account, 'No go!' But he spoke in a cheerful +tone, and said, that although there was no such opening as Martin +wished, in that city, he would make it matter of immediate consideration +and inquiry where one was most likely to exist; and then he made Martin +acquainted with his name, which was Bevan; and with his profession, +which was physic, though he seldom or never practiced; and with other +circumstances connected with himself and family, which fully occupied +the time, until they reached the Rowdy Journal Office. + +Mr Tapley appeared to be taking his ease on the landing of the first +floor; for sounds as of some gentleman established in that region +whistling 'Rule Britannia' with all his might and main, greeted their +ears before they reached the house. On ascending to the spot from +whence this music proceeded, they found him recumbent in the midst of a +fortification of luggage, apparently performing his national anthem +for the gratification of a grey-haired black man, who sat on one of the +outworks (a portmanteau), staring intently at Mark, while Mark, with +his head reclining on his hand, returned the compliment in a thoughtful +manner, and whistled all the time. He seemed to have recently dined, for +his knife, a casebottle, and certain broken meats in a handkerchief, lay +near at hand. He had employed a portion of his leisure in the decoration +of the Rowdy Journal door, whereon his own initials now appeared in +letters nearly half a foot long, together with the day of the month in +smaller type; the whole surrounded by an ornamental border, and looking +very fresh and bold. + +'I was a'most afraid you was lost, sir!' cried Mark, rising, and +stopping the tune at that point where Britons generally are supposed to +declare (when it is whistled) that they never, never, never-- + +'Nothing gone wrong, I hope, sir?' + +'No, Mark. Where's your friend?' + +'The mad woman, sir?' said Mr Tapley. 'Oh! she's all right, sir.' + +'Did she find her husband?' + +'Yes, sir. Leastways she's found his remains,' said Mark, correcting +himself. + +'The man's not dead, I hope?' + +'Not altogether dead, sir,' returned Mark; 'but he's had more fevers and +agues than is quite reconcilable with being alive. When she didn't see +him a-waiting for her, I thought she'd have died herself, I did!' + +'Was he not here, then?' + +'HE wasn't here. There was a feeble old shadow come a-creeping down at +last, as much like his substance when she know'd him, as your shadow +when it's drawn out to its very finest and longest by the sun, is like +you. But it was his remains, there's no doubt about that. She took on +with joy, poor thing, as much as if it had been all of him!' + +'Had he bought land?' asked Mr Bevan. + +'Ah! He'd bought land,' said Mark, shaking his head, 'and paid for it +too. Every sort of nateral advantage was connected with it, the agents +said; and there certainly was ONE, quite unlimited. No end to the +water!' + +'It's a thing he couldn't have done without, I suppose,' observed +Martin, peevishly. + +'Certainly not, sir. There it was, any way; always turned on, and no +water-rate. Independent of three or four slimy old rivers close by, +it varied on the farm from four to six foot deep in the dry season. +He couldn't say how deep it was in the rainy time, for he never had +anything long enough to sound it with.' + +'Is this true?' asked Martin of his companion. + +'Extremely probable,' he answered. 'Some Mississippi or Missouri lot, I +dare say.' + +'However,' pursued Mark, 'he came from I-don't-know-where-and-all, down +to New York here, to meet his wife and children; and they started off +again in a steamboat this blessed afternoon, as happy to be along with +each other as if they were going to Heaven. I should think they was, +pretty straight, if I may judge from the poor man's looks.' + +'And may I ask,' said Martin, glancing, but not with any displeasure, +from Mark to the negro, 'who this gentleman is? Another friend of +yours?' + +'Why sir,' returned Mark, taking him aside, and speaking confidentially +in his ear, 'he's a man of colour, sir!' + +'Do you take me for a blind man,' asked Martin, somewhat impatiently, +'that you think it necessary to tell me that, when his face is the +blackest that ever was seen?' + +'No, no; when I say a man of colour,' returned Mark, 'I mean that +he's been one of them as there's picters of in the shops. A man and a +brother, you know, sir,' said Mr Tapley, favouring his master with a +significant indication of the figure so often represented in tracts and +cheap prints. + +'A slave!' cried Martin, in a whisper. + +'Ah!' said Mark in the same tone. 'Nothing else. A slave. Why, when that +there man was young--don't look at him while I'm a-telling it--he was +shot in the leg; gashed in the arm; scored in his live limbs, like +crimped fish; beaten out of shape; had his neck galled with an iron +collar, and wore iron rings upon his wrists and ankles. The marks are on +him to this day. When I was having my dinner just now, he stripped off +his coat, and took away my appetite.' + +'Is THIS true?' asked Martin of his friend, who stood beside them. + +'I have no reason to doubt it,' he answered, shaking his head 'It very +often is.' + +'Bless you,' said Mark, 'I know it is, from hearing his whole story. +That master died; so did his second master from having his head cut +open with a hatchet by another slave, who, when he'd done it, went and +drowned himself; then he got a better one; in years and years he saved +up a little money, and bought his freedom, which he got pretty cheap at +last, on account of his strength being nearly gone, and he being ill. +Then he come here. And now he's a-saving up to treat himself, afore +he dies, to one small purchase--it's nothing to speak of. Only his own +daughter; that's all!' cried Mr Tapley, becoming excited. 'Liberty for +ever! Hurrah! Hail, Columbia!' + +'Hush!' cried Martin, clapping his hand upon his mouth; 'and don't be an +idiot. What is he doing here?' + +'Waiting to take our luggage off upon a truck,' said Mark. 'He'd have +come for it by-and-bye, but I engaged him for a very reasonable charge +(out of my own pocket) to sit along with me and make me jolly; and I +am jolly; and if I was rich enough to contract with him to wait upon me +once a day, to be looked at, I'd never be anything else.' + +The fact may cause a solemn impeachment of Mark's veracity, but it must +be admitted nevertheless, that there was that in his face and manner at +the moment, which militated strongly against this emphatic declaration +of his state of mind. + +'Lord love you, sir,' he added, 'they're so fond of Liberty in this part +of the globe, that they buy her and sell her and carry her to market +with 'em. They've such a passion for Liberty, that they can't help +taking liberties with her. That's what it's owing to.' + +'Very well,' said Martin, wishing to change the theme. 'Having come to +that conclusion, Mark, perhaps you'll attend to me. The place to which +the luggage is to go is printed on this card. Mrs Pawkins's Boarding +House.' + +'Mrs Pawkins's boarding-house,' repeated Mark. 'Now, Cicero.' + +'Is that his name?' asked Martin + +'That's his name, sir,' rejoined Mark. And the negro grinning assent +from under a leathern portmanteau, than which his own face was many +shades deeper, hobbled downstairs with his portion of their worldly +goods; Mark Tapley having already gone before with his share. + +Martin and his friend followed them to the door below, and were about +to pursue their walk, when the latter stopped, and asked, with some +hesitation, whether that young man was to be trusted? + +'Mark! oh certainly! with anything.' + +'You don't understand me--I think he had better go with us. He is an +honest fellow, and speaks his mind so very plainly.' + +'Why, the fact is,' said Martin, smiling, 'that being unaccustomed to a +free republic, he is used to do so.' + +'I think he had better go with us,' returned the other. 'He may get into +some trouble otherwise. This is not a slave State; but I am ashamed +to say that a spirit of Tolerance is not so common anywhere in +these latitudes as the form. We are not remarkable for behaving very +temperately to each other when we differ; but to strangers! no, I really +think he had better go with us.' + +Martin called to him immediately to be of their party; so Cicero and the +truck went one way, and they three went another. + +They walked about the city for two or three hours; seeing it from the +best points of view, and pausing in the principal streets, and before +such public buildings as Mr Bevan pointed out. Night then coming +on apace, Martin proposed that they should adjourn to Mrs Pawkins's +establishment for coffee; but in this he was overruled by his new +acquaintance, who seemed to have set his heart on carrying him, though +it were only for an hour, to the house of a friend of his who lived hard +by. Feeling (however disinclined he was, being weary) that it would be +in bad taste, and not very gracious, to object that he was unintroduced, +when this open-hearted gentleman was so ready to be his sponsor, +Martin--for once in his life, at all events--sacrificed his own will and +pleasure to the wishes of another, and consented with a fair grace. So +travelling had done him that much good, already. + +Mr Bevan knocked at the door of a very neat house of moderate size, from +the parlour windows of which, lights were shining brightly into the now +dark street. It was quickly opened by a man with such a thoroughly Irish +face, that it seemed as if he ought, as a matter of right and principle, +to be in rags, and could have no sort of business to be looking +cheerfully at anybody out of a whole suit of clothes. + +Commending Mark to the care of this phenomenon--for such he may be said +to have been in Martin's eyes--Mr Bevan led the way into the room +which had shed its cheerfulness upon the street, to whose occupants he +introduced Mr Chuzzlewit as a gentleman from England, whose acquaintance +he had recently had the pleasure to make. They gave him welcome in all +courtesy and politeness; and in less than five minutes' time he found +himself sitting very much at his ease by the fireside, and becoming +vastly well acquainted with the whole family. + +There were two young ladies--one eighteen; the other twenty--both very +slender, but very pretty; their mother, who looked, as Martin thought +much older and more faded than she ought to have looked; and their +grandmother, a little sharp-eyed, quick old woman, who seemed to have +got past that stage, and to have come all right again. Besides these, +there were the young ladies' father, and the young ladies' brother; the +first engaged in mercantile affairs; the second, a student at college; +both, in a certain cordiality of manner, like his own friend, and not +unlike him in face. Which was no great wonder, for it soon appeared that +he was their near relation. Martin could not help tracing the family +pedigree from the two young ladies, because they were foremost in his +thoughts; not only from being, as aforesaid, very pretty, but by reason +of their wearing miraculously small shoes, and the thinnest possible +silk stockings; the which their rocking-chairs developed to a +distracting extent. + +There is no doubt that it was a monstrous comfortable circumstance to be +sitting in a snug, well-furnished room, warmed by a cheerful fire, and +full of various pleasant decorations, including four small shoes, and +the like amount of silk stockings, and--yes, why not?--the feet and +legs therein enshrined. And there is no doubt that Martin was monstrous +well-disposed to regard his position in that light, after his recent +experience of the Screw, and of Mrs Pawkins's boarding-house. The +consequence was that he made himself very agreeable indeed; and by +the time the tea and coffee arrived (with sweet preserves, and cunning +tea-cakes in its train), was in a highly genial state, and much esteemed +by the whole family. + +Another delightful circumstance turned up before the first cup of tea +was drunk. The whole family had been in England. There was a pleasant +thing! But Martin was not quite so glad of this, when he found that +they knew all the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, duchesses, +knights, and baronets, quite affectionately, and were beyond everything +interested in the least particular concerning them. However, when they +asked, after the wearer of this or that coronet, and said, 'Was he quite +well?' Martin answered, 'Yes, oh yes. Never better;' and when they said, +'his lordship's mother, the duchess, was she much changed?' Martin said, +'Oh dear no, they would know her anywhere, if they saw her to-morrow;' +and so got on pretty well. In like manner when the young ladies +questioned him touching the Gold Fish in that Grecian fountain in such +and such a nobleman's conservatory, and whether there were as many as +there used to be, he gravely reported, after mature consideration, that +there must be at least twice as many; and as to the exotics, 'Oh! well! +it was of no use talking about THEM; they must be seen to be believed;' +which improved state of circumstances reminded the family of the +splendour of that brilliant festival (comprehending the whole British +Peerage and Court Calendar) to which they were specially invited, and +which indeed had been partly given in their honour; and recollections +of what Mr Norris the father had said to the marquess, and of what Mrs +Norris the mother had said to the marchioness, and of what the marquess +and marchioness had both said, when they said that upon their words and +honours they wished Mr Norris the father and Mrs Norris the mother, and +the Misses Norris the daughters, and Mr Norris Junior, the son, would +only take up their permanent residence in England, and give them the +pleasure of their everlasting friendship, occupied a very considerable +time. + +Martin thought it rather stange, and in some sort inconsistent, that +during the whole of these narrations, and in the very meridian of their +enjoyment thereof, both Mr Norris the father, and Mr Norris Junior, +the son (who corresponded, every post, with four members of the English +Peerage), enlarged upon the inestimable advantage of having no such +arbitrary distinctions in that enlightened land, where there were no +noblemen but nature's noblemen, and where all society was based on one +broad level of brotherly love and natural equality. Indeed, Mr Norris +the father gradually expanding into an oration on this swelling theme, +was becoming tedious, when Mr Bevan diverted his thoughts by happening +to make some causal inquiry relative to the occupier of the next house; +in reply to which, this same Mr Norris the father observed, that 'that +person entertained religious opinions of which he couldn't approve; and +therefore he hadn't the honour of knowing the gentleman.' Mrs Norris the +mother added another reason of her own, the same in effect, but varying +in words; to wit, that she believed the people were well enough in their +way, but they were not genteel. + +Another little trait came out, which impressed itself on Martin +forcibly. Mr Bevan told them about Mark and the negro, and then it +appeared that all the Norrises were abolitionists. It was a great relief +to hear this, and Martin was so much encouraged on finding himself in +such company, that he expressed his sympathy with the oppressed and +wretched blacks. Now, one of the young ladies--the prettiest and most +delicate--was mightily amused at the earnestness with which he spoke; +and on his craving leave to ask her why, was quite unable for a time to +speak for laughing. As soon however as she could, she told him that +the negroes were such a funny people, so excessively ludicrous in their +manners and appearance, that it was wholly impossible for those who knew +them well, to associate any serious ideas with such a very absurd part +of the creation. Mr Norris the father, and Mrs Norris the mother, and +Miss Norris the sister, and Mr Norris Junior the brother, and even Mrs +Norris Senior the grandmother, were all of this opinion, and laid +it down as an absolute matter of fact--as if there were nothing in +suffering and slavery, grim enough to cast a solemn air on any human +animal; though it were as ridiculous, physically, as the most +grotesque of apes, or morally, as the mildest Nimrod among tuft-hunting +republicans! + +'In short,' said Mr Norris the father, settling the question +comfortably, 'there is a natural antipathy between the races.' + +'Extending,' said Martin's friend, in a low voice, 'to the cruellest of +tortures, and the bargain and sale of unborn generations.' + +Mr Norris the son said nothing, but he made a wry face, and dusted his +fingers as Hamlet might after getting rid of Yorick's skull; just as +though he had that moment touched a negro, and some of the black had +come off upon his hands. + +In order that their talk might fall again into its former pleasant +channel, Martin dropped the subject, with a shrewd suspicion that it +would be a dangerous theme to revive under the best of circumstances; +and again addressed himself to the young ladies, who were very +gorgeously attired in very beautiful colours, and had every article of +dress on the same extensive scale as the little shoes and the thin silk +stockings. This suggested to him that they were great proficients in the +French fashions, which soon turned out to be the case, for though their +information appeared to be none of the newest, it was very extensive; +and the eldest sister in particular, who was distinguished by a talent +for metaphysics, the laws of hydraulic pressure, and the rights of human +kind, had a novel way of combining these acquirements and bringing them +to bear on any subject from Millinery to the Millennium, both inclusive, +which was at once improving and remarkable; so much so, in short, that +it was usually observed to reduce foreigners to a state of temporary +insanity in five minutes. + +Martin felt his reason going; and as a means of saving himself, besought +the other sister (seeing a piano in the room) to sing. With this request +she willingly complied; and a bravura concert, solely sustained by the +Misses Noriss, presently began. They sang in all languages--except their +own. German, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Swiss; but nothing +native; nothing so low as native. For, in this respect, languages are +like many other travellers--ordinary and commonplace enough at home, but +'specially genteel abroad. + +There is little doubt that in course of time the Misses Norris would +have come to Hebrew, if they had not been interrupted by an announcement +from the Irishman, who, flinging open the door, cried in a loud voice-- + +'Jiniral Fladdock!' + +'My!' cried the sisters, desisting suddenly. 'The general come back!' + +As they made the exclamation, the general, attired in full uniform for a +ball, came darting in with such precipitancy that, hitching his boot +in the carpet, and getting his sword between his legs, he came down +headlong, and presented a curious little bald place on the crown of his +head to the eyes of the astonished company. Nor was this the worst of +it; for being rather corpulent and very tight, the general being down, +could not get up again, but lay there writhing and doing such things with +his boots, as there is no other instance of in military history. + +Of course there was an immediate rush to his assistance; and the general +was promptly raised. But his uniform was so fearfully and wonderfully +made, that he came up stiff and without a bend in him like a dead Clown, +and had no command whatever of himself until he was put quite flat upon +the soles of his feet, when he became animated as by a miracle, and +moving edgewise that he might go in a narrower compass and be in less +danger of fraying the gold lace on his epaulettes by brushing them +against anything, advanced with a smiling visage to salute the lady of +the house. + +To be sure, it would have been impossible for the family to testify +purer delight and joy than at this unlooked-for appearance of General +Fladdock! The general was as warmly received as if New York had been in +a state of siege and no other general was to be got for love or money. +He shook hands with the Norrises three times all round, and then +reviewed them from a little distance as a brave commander might, with +his ample cloak drawn forward over the right shoulder and thrown back +upon the left side to reveal his manly breast. + +'And do I then,' cried the general, 'once again behold the choicest +spirits of my country!' + +'Yes,' said Mr Norris the father. 'Here we are, general.' + +Then all the Norrises pressed round the general, inquiring how and where +he had been since the date of his letter, and how he had enjoyed himself +in foreign parts, and particularly and above all, to what extent he had +become acquainted with the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, +duchesses, knights, and baronets, in whom the people of those benighted +countries had delight. + +'Well, then, don't ask me,' said the general, holding up his hand. 'I +was among 'em all the time, and have got public journals in my trunk +with my name printed'--he lowered his voice and was very impressive +here--'among the fashionable news. But, oh, the conventionalities of +that a-mazing Europe!' + +'Ah!' cried Mr Norris the father, giving his head a melancholy shake, +and looking towards Martin as though he would say, 'I can't deny it, +sir. I would if I could.' + +'The limited diffusion of a moral sense in that country!' exclaimed the +general. 'The absence of a moral dignity in man!' + +'Ah!' sighed all the Norrises, quite overwhelmed with despondency. + +'I couldn't have realised it,' pursued the general, 'without being +located on the spot. Norris, your imagination is the imagination of a +strong man, but YOU couldn't have realised it, without being located on +the spot!' + +'Never,' said Mr Norris. + +'The ex-clusiveness, the pride, the form, the ceremony,' exclaimed the +general, emphasizing the article more vigorously at every repetition. +'The artificial barriers set up between man and man; the division of the +human race into court cards and plain cards, of every denomination--into +clubs, diamonds, spades--anything but heart!' + +'Ah!' cried the whole family. 'Too true, general!' + +'But stay!' cried Mr Norris the father, taking him by the arm. 'Surely +you crossed in the Screw, general?' + +'Well! so I did,' was the reply. + +'Possible!' cried the young ladies. 'Only think!' + +The general seemed at a loss to understand why his having come home +in the Screw should occasion such a sensation, nor did he seem at all +clearer on the subject when Mr Norris, introducing him to Martin, said: + +'A fellow-passenger of yours, I think?' + +'Of mine?' exclaimed the general; 'No!' + +He had never seen Martin, but Martin had seen him, and recognized him, +now that they stood face to face, as the gentleman who had stuck his +hands in his pockets towards the end of the voyage, and walked the deck +with his nostrils dilated. + +Everybody looked at Martin. There was no help for it. The truth must +out. + +'I came over in the same ship as the general,' said Martin, 'but not in +the same cabin. It being necessary for me to observe strict economy, I +took my passage in the steerage.' + +If the general had been carried up bodily to a loaded cannon, and +required to let it off that moment, he could not have been in a state +of greater consternation than when he heard these words. He, +Fladdock--Fladdock in full militia uniform, Fladdock the General, +Fladdock, the caressed of foreign noblemen--expected to know a fellow +who had come over in the steerage of line-of-packet ship, at the cost +of four pound ten! And meeting that fellow in the very sanctuary of New +York fashion, and nestling in the bosom of the New York aristocracy! He +almost laid his hand upon his sword. + +A death-like stillness fell upon the Norisses. If this story should get +wind, their country relation had, by his imprudence, for ever disgraced +them. They were the bright particular stars of an exalted New York +sphere. There were other fashionable spheres above them, and other +fashionable spheres below, and none of the stars in any one of these +spheres had anything to say to the stars in any other of these spheres. +But, through all the spheres it would go forth that the Norrises, +deceived by gentlemanly manners and appearances, had, falling from their +high estate, 'received' a dollarless and unknown man. O guardian eagle +of the pure Republic, had they lived for this! + +'You will allow me,' said Martin, after a terrible silence, 'to take +my leave. I feel that I am the cause of at least as much embarrassment +here, as I have brought upon myself. But I am bound, before I go, to +exonerate this gentleman, who, in introducing me to such society, was +quite ignorant of my unworthiness, I assure you.' + +With that he made his bow to the Norrises, and walked out like a man of +snow; very cool externally, but pretty hot within. + +'Come, come,' said Mr Norris the father, looking with a pale face on +the assembled circle as Martin closed the door, 'the young man has this +night beheld a refinement of social manner, and an easy magnificence of +social decoration, to which he is a stranger in his own country. Let us +hope it may awake a moral sense within him.' + +If that peculiarly transatlantic article, a moral sense--for, if native +statesmen, orators, and pamphleteers, are to be believed, America quite +monopolises the commodity--if that peculiarly transatlantic article be +supposed to include a benevolent love of all mankind, certainly Martin's +would have borne, just then, a deal of waking. As he strode along +the street, with Mark at his heels, his immoral sense was in active +operation; prompting him to the utterance of some rather sanguinary +remarks, which it was well for his own credit that nobody overheard. +He had so far cooled down, however, that he had begun to laugh at the +recollection of these incidents, when he heard another step behind him, +and turning round encountered his friend Bevan, quite out of breath. + +He drew his arm through Martin's, and entreating him to walk slowly, was +silent for some minutes. At length he said: + +'I hope you exonerate me in another sense?' + +'How do you mean?' asked Martin. + +'I hope you acquit me of intending or foreseeing the termination of our +visit. But I scarcely need ask you that.' + +'Scarcely indeed,' said Martin. 'I am the more beholden to you for your +kindness, when I find what kind of stuff the good citizens here are made +of.' + +'I reckon,' his friend returned, 'that they are made of pretty much the +same stuff as other folks, if they would but own it, and not set up on +false pretences.' + +'In good faith, that's true,' said Martin. + +'I dare say,' resumed his friend, 'you might have such a scene as that +in an English comedy, and not detect any gross improbability or anomaly +in the matter of it?' + +'Yes, indeed!' + +'Doubtless it is more ridiculous here than anywhere else,' said his +companion; 'but our professions are to blame for that. So far as I +myself am concerned, I may add that I was perfectly aware from the +first that you came over in the steerage, for I had seen the list of +passengers, and knew it did not comprise your name.' + +'I feel more obliged to you than before,' said Martin. + +'Norris is a very good fellow in his way,' observed Mr Bevan. + +'Is he?' said Martin drily. + +'Oh yes! there are a hundred good points about him. If you or anybody +else addressed him as another order of being, and sued to him IN FORMA +PAUPERIS, he would be all kindness and consideration.' + +'I needn't have travelled three thousand miles from home to find such a +character as THAT,' said Martin. Neither he nor his friend said anything +more on the way back; each appearing to find sufficient occupation in +his own thoughts. + +The tea, or the supper, or whatever else they called the evening meal, +was over when they reached the Major's; but the cloth, ornamented with +a few additional smears and stains, was still upon the table. At one end +of the board Mrs Jefferson Brick and two other ladies were drinking +tea; out of the ordinary course, evidently, for they were bonneted +and shawled, and seemed to have just come home. By the light of three +flaring candles of different lengths, in as many candlesticks of +different patterns, the room showed to almost as little advantage as in +broad day. + +These ladies were all three talking together in a very loud tone when +Martin and his friend entered; but seeing those gentlemen, they stopped +directly, and became excessively genteel, not to say frosty. As they +went on to exchange some few remarks in whispers, the very water in the +teapot might have fallen twenty degrees in temperature beneath their +chilling coldness. + +'Have you been to meeting, Mrs Brick?' asked Martin's friend, with +something of a roguish twinkle in his eye. + +'To lecture, sir.' + +'I beg your pardon. I forgot. You don't go to meeting, I think?' + +Here the lady on the right of Mrs Brick gave a pious cough as much as to +say 'I do!'--as, indeed, she did nearly every night in the week. + +'A good discourse, ma'am?' asked Mr Bevan, addressing this lady. + +The lady raised her eyes in a pious manner, and answered 'Yes.' She +had been much comforted by some good, strong, peppery doctrine, which +satisfactorily disposed of all her friends and acquaintances, and quite +settled their business. Her bonnet, too, had far outshone every bonnet +in the congregation; so she was tranquil on all accounts. + +'What course of lectures are you attending now, ma'am?' said Martin's +friend, turning again to Mrs Brick. + +'The Philosophy of the Soul, on Wednesdays.' + +'On Mondays?' + +'The Philosophy of Crime.' + +'On Fridays?' + +'The Philosophy of Vegetables.' + +'You have forgotten Thursdays; the Philosophy of Government, my dear,' +observed the third lady. + +'No,' said Mrs Brick. 'That's Tuesdays.' + +'So it is!' cried the lady. 'The Philosophy of Matter on Thursdays, of +course.' + +'You see, Mr Chuzzlewit, our ladies are fully employed,' said Bevan. + +'Indeed you have reason to say so,' answered Martin. 'Between these very +grave pursuits abroad, and family duties at home, their time must be +pretty well engrossed.' + +Martin stopped here, for he saw that the ladies regarded him with no +very great favour, though what he had done to deserve the disdainful +expression which appeared in their faces he was at a loss to divine. But +on their going upstairs to their bedrooms--which they very soon did--Mr +Bevan informed him that domestic drudgery was far beneath the exalted +range of these Philosophers, and that the chances were a hundred to one +that not one of the three could perform the easiest woman's work for +herself, or make the simplest article of dress for any of her children. + +'Though whether they might not be better employed with such blunt +instruments as knitting-needles than with these edge-tools,' he said, +'is another question; but I can answer for one thing--they don't often +cut themselves. Devotions and lectures are our balls and concerts. They +go to these places of resort, as an escape from monotony; look at each +other's clothes; and come home again.' + +'When you say "home," do you mean a house like this?' + +'Very often. But I see you are tired to death, and will wish you good +night. We will discuss your projects in the morning. You cannot but +feel already that it is useless staying here, with any hope of advancing +them. You will have to go further.' + +'And to fare worse?' said Martin, pursuing the old adage. + +'Well, I hope not. But sufficient for the day, you know--good night' + +They shook hands heartily and separated. As soon as Martin was left +alone, the excitement of novelty and change which had sustained him +through all the fatigues of the day, departed; and he felt so thoroughly +dejected and worn out, that he even lacked the energy to crawl upstairs +to bed. + +In twelve or fifteen hours, how great a change had fallen on his hopes +and sanguine plans! New and strange as he was to the ground on which he +stood, and to the air he breathed, he could not--recalling all that he +had crowded into that one day--but entertain a strong misgiving that his +enterprise was doomed. Rash and ill-considered as it had often looked on +shipboard, but had never seemed on shore, it wore a dismal aspect, now, +that frightened him. Whatever thoughts he called up to his aid, they +came upon him in depressing and discouraging shapes, and gave him no +relief. Even the diamonds on his finger sparkled with the brightness of +tears, and had no ray of hope in all their brilliant lustre. + +He continued to sit in gloomy rumination by the stove, unmindful of +the boarders who dropped in one by one from their stores and +counting-houses, or the neighbouring bar-rooms, and, after taking long +pulls from a great white waterjug upon the sideboard, and lingering with +a kind of hideous fascination near the brass spittoons, lounged heavily +to bed; until at length Mark Tapley came and shook him by the arm, +supposing him asleep. + +'Mark!' he cried, starting. + +'All right, sir,' said that cheerful follower, snuffing with his fingers +the candle he bore. 'It ain't a very large bed, your'n, sir; and a man +as wasn't thirsty might drink, afore breakfast, all the water you've +got to wash in, and afterwards eat the towel. But you'll sleep without +rocking to-night, sir.' + +'I feel as if the house were on the sea' said Martin, staggering when he +rose; 'and am utterly wretched.' + +'I'm as jolly as a sandboy, myself, sir,' said Mark. 'But, Lord, I have +reason to be! I ought to have been born here; that's my opinion. Take +care how you go'--for they were now ascending the stairs. 'You recollect +the gentleman aboard the Screw as had the very small trunk, sir?' + +'The valise? Yes.' + +'Well, sir, there's been a delivery of clean clothes from the wash +to-night, and they're put outside the bedroom doors here. If you take +notice as we go up, what a very few shirts there are, and what a many +fronts, you'll penetrate the mystery of his packing.' + +But Martin was too weary and despondent to take heed of anything, so +had no interest in this discovery. Mr Tapley, nothing dashed by his +indifference, conducted him to the top of the house, and into the +bed-chamber prepared for his reception; which was a very little narrow +room, with half a window in it; a bedstead like a chest without a lid; +two chairs; a piece of carpet, such as shoes are commonly tried upon +at a ready-made establishment in England; a little looking-glass nailed +against the wall; and a washing-table, with a jug and ewer, that might +have been mistaken for a milk-pot and slop-basin. + +'I suppose they polish themselves with a dry cloth in this country,' +said Mark. 'They've certainly got a touch of the 'phoby, sir.' + +'I wish you would pull off my boots for me,' said Martin, dropping into +one of the chairs 'I am quite knocked up--dead beat, Mark.' + +'You won't say that to-morrow morning, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; 'nor +even to-night, sir, when you've made a trial of this.' With which he +produced a very large tumbler, piled up to the brim with little blocks +of clear transparent ice, through which one or two thin slices of lemon, +and a golden liquid of delicious appearance, appealed from the still +depths below, to the loving eye of the spectator. + +'What do you call this?' said Martin. + +But Mr Tapley made no answer; merely plunging a reed into the +mixture--which caused a pleasant commotion among the pieces of ice--and +signifying by an expressive gesture that it was to be pumped up through +that agency by the enraptured drinker. + +Martin took the glass with an astonished look; applied his lips to the +reed; and cast up his eyes once in ecstasy. He paused no more until the +goblet was drained to the last drop. + +'There, sir!' said Mark, taking it from him with a triumphant face; 'if +ever you should happen to be dead beat again, when I ain't in the +way, all you've got to do is to ask the nearest man to go and fetch a +cobbler.' + +'To go and fetch a cobbler?' repeated Martin. + +'This wonderful invention, sir,' said Mark, tenderly patting the empty +glass, 'is called a cobbler. Sherry cobbler when you name it long; +cobbler, when you name it short. Now you're equal to having your boots +took off, and are, in every particular worth mentioning, another man.' + +Having delivered himself of this solemn preface, he brought the +bootjack. + +'Mind! I am not going to relapse, Mark,' said Martin; 'but, good Heaven, +if we should be left in some wild part of this country without goods or +money!' + +'Well, sir!' replied the imperturbable Tapley; 'from what we've seen +already, I don't know whether, under those circumstances, we shouldn't +do better in the wild parts than in the tame ones.' + +'Oh, Tom Pinch, Tom Pinch!' said Martin, in a thoughtful tone; 'what +would I give to be again beside you, and able to hear your voice, though +it were even in the old bedroom at Pecksniff's!' + +'Oh, Dragon, Dragon!' echoed Mark, cheerfully, 'if there warn't any +water between you and me, and nothing faint-hearted-like in going back, +I don't know that I mightn't say the same. But here am I, Dragon, in +New York, America; and there are you in Wiltshire, Europe; and there's a +fortune to make, Dragon, and a beautiful young lady to make it for; and +whenever you go to see the Monument, Dragon, you mustn't give in on the +doorsteps, or you'll never get up to the top!' + +'Wisely said, Mark,' cried Martin. 'We must look forward.' + +'In all the story-books as ever I read, sir, the people as looked +backward was turned into stones,' replied Mark; 'and my opinion always +was, that they brought it on themselves, and it served 'em right. I wish +you good night, sir, and pleasant dreams!' + +'They must be of home, then,' said Martin, as he lay down in bed. + +'So I say, too,' whispered Mark Tapley, when he was out of hearing and +in his own room; 'for if there don't come a time afore we're well out of +this, when there'll be a little more credit in keeping up one's jollity, +I'm a United Statesman!' + +Leaving them to blend and mingle in their sleep the shadows of objects +afar off, as they take fantastic shapes upon the wall in the dim light +of thought without control, be it the part of this slight chronicle--a +dream within a dream--as rapidly to change the scene, and cross the +ocean to the English shore. + + + +CHAPTER EIGHTEEN + +DOES BUSINESS WITH THE HOUSE OF ANTHONY CHUZZLEWIT AND SON, FROM WHICH +ONE OF THE PARTNERS RETIRES UNEXPECTEDLY + + +Change begets change. Nothing propagates so fast. If a man habituated to +a narrow circle of cares and pleasures, out of which he seldom travels, +step beyond it, though for never so brief a space, his departure from +the monotonous scene on which he has been an actor of importance, would +seem to be the signal for instant confusion. As if, in the gap he had +left, the wedge of change were driven to the head, rending what was a +solid mass to fragments, things cemented and held together by the usages +of years, burst asunder in as many weeks. The mine which Time has slowly +dug beneath familiar objects is sprung in an instant; and what was rock +before, becomes but sand and dust. + +Most men, at one time or other, have proved this in some degree. The +extent to which the natural laws of change asserted their supremacy +in that limited sphere of action which Martin had deserted, shall be +faithfully set down in these pages. + +'What a cold spring it is!' whimpered old Anthony, drawing near the +evening fire, 'It was a warmer season, sure, when I was young!' + +'You needn't go scorching your clothes into holes, whether it was or +not,' observed the amiable Jonas, raising his eyes from yesterday's +newspaper, 'Broadcloth ain't so cheap as that comes to.' + +'A good lad!' cried the father, breathing on his cold hands, and feebly +chafing them against each other. 'A prudent lad! He never delivered +himself up to the vanities of dress. No, no!' + +'I don't know but I would, though, mind you, if I could do it for +nothing,' said his son, as he resumed the paper. + +'Ah!' chuckled the old man. 'IF, indeed!--But it's very cold.' + +'Let the fire be!' cried Mr Jonas, stopping his honoured parent's hand +in the use of the poker. 'Do you mean to come to want in your old age, +that you take to wasting now?' + +'There's not time for that, Jonas,' said the old man. + +'Not time for what?' bawled his heir. + +'For me to come to want. I wish there was!' + +'You always were as selfish an old blade as need be,' said Jonas in a +voice too low for him to hear, and looking at him with an angry frown. +'You act up to your character. You wouldn't mind coming to want, +wouldn't you! I dare say you wouldn't. And your own flesh and blood +might come to want too, might they, for anything you cared? Oh you +precious old flint!' + +After this dutiful address he took his tea-cup in his hand--for that +meal was in progress, and the father and son and Chuffey were partakers +of it. Then, looking steadfastly at his father, and stopping now and +then to carry a spoonful of tea to his lips, he proceeded in the same +tone, thus: + +'Want, indeed! You're a nice old man to be talking of want at this time +of day. Beginning to talk of want, are you? Well, I declare! There isn't +time? No, I should hope not. But you'd live to be a couple of hundred if +you could; and after all be discontented. I know you!' + +The old man sighed, and still sat cowering before the fire. Mr Jonas +shook his Britannia-metal teaspoon at him, and taking a loftier +position, went on to argue the point on high moral grounds. + +'If you're in such a state of mind as that,' he grumbled, but in the +same subdued key, 'why don't you make over your property? Buy an annuity +cheap, and make your life interesting to yourself and everybody else +that watches the speculation. But no, that wouldn't suit YOU. That would +be natural conduct to your own son, and you like to be unnatural, and to +keep him out of his rights. Why, I should be ashamed of myself if I was +you, and glad to hide my head in the what you may call it.' + +Possibly this general phrase supplied the place of grave, or tomb, +or sepulchre, or cemetery, or mausoleum, or other such word which the +filial tenderness of Mr Jonas made him delicate of pronouncing. He +pursued the theme no further; for Chuffey, somehow discovering, from +his old corner by the fireside, that Anthony was in the attitude of a +listener, and that Jonas appeared to be speaking, suddenly cried out, +like one inspired: + +'He is your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit. Your own son, sir!' + +Old Chuffey little suspected what depth of application these words had, +or that, in the bitter satire which they bore, they might have sunk into +the old man's very soul, could he have known what words here hanging on +his own son's lips, or what was passing in his thoughts. But the voice +diverted the current of Anthony's reflections, and roused him. + +'Yes, yes, Chuffey, Jonas is a chip of the old block. It is a very +old block, now, Chuffey,' said the old man, with a strange look of +discomposure. + +'Precious old,' assented Jonas + +'No, no, no,' said Chuffey. 'No, Mr Chuzzlewit. Not old at all, sir.' + +'Oh! He's worse than ever, you know!' cried Jonas, quite disgusted. +'Upon my soul, father, he's getting too bad. Hold your tongue, will +you?' + +'He says you're wrong!' cried Anthony to the old clerk. + +'Tut, tut!' was Chuffey's answer. 'I know better. I say HE'S wrong. +I say HE'S wrong. He's a boy. That's what he is. So are you, Mr +Chuzzlewit--a kind of boy. Ha! ha! ha! You're quite a boy to many I have +known; you're a boy to me; you're a boy to hundreds of us. Don't mind +him!' + +With which extraordinary speech--for in the case of Chuffey this was a +burst of eloquence without a parallel--the poor old shadow drew through +his palsied arm his master's hand, and held it there, with his own +folded upon it, as if he would defend him. + +'I grow deafer every day, Chuff,' said Anthony, with as much softness of +manner, or, to describe it more correctly, with as little hardness as he +was capable of expressing. + +'No, no,' cried Chuffey. 'No, you don't. What if you did? I've been deaf +this twenty year.' + +'I grow blinder, too,' said the old man, shaking his head. + +'That's a good sign!' cried Chuffey. 'Ha! ha! The best sign in the +world! You saw too well before.' + +He patted Anthony upon the hand as one might comfort a child, and +drawing the old man's arm still further through his own, shook his +trembling fingers towards the spot where Jonas sat, as though he would +wave him off. But, Anthony remaining quite still and silent, he relaxed +his hold by slow degrees and lapsed into his usual niche in the corner; +merely putting forth his hand at intervals and touching his old employer +gently on the coat, as with the design of assuring himself that he was +yet beside him. + +Mr Jonas was so very much amazed by these proceedings that he could do +nothing but stare at the two old men, until Chuffey had fallen into his +usual state, and Anthony had sunk into a doze; when he gave some vent +to his emotions by going close up to the former personage, and making as +though he would, in vulgar parlance, 'punch his head.' + +'They've been carrying on this game,' thought Jonas in a brown study, +'for the last two or three weeks. I never saw my father take so much +notice of him as he has in that time. What! You're legacy hunting, are +you, Mister Chuff? Eh?' + +But Chuffey was as little conscious of the thought as of the bodily +advance of Mr Jonas's clenched fist, which hovered fondly about his ear. +When he had scowled at him to his heart's content, Jonas took the candle +from the table, and walking into the glass office, produced a bunch of +keys from his pocket. With one of these he opened a secret drawer in the +desk; peeping stealthily out, as he did so, to be certain that the two +old men were still before the fire. + +'All as right as ever,' said Jonas, propping the lid of the desk open +with his forehead, and unfolding a paper. 'Here's the will, Mister +Chuff. Thirty pound a year for your maintenance, old boy, and all the +rest to his only son, Jonas. You needn't trouble yourself to be too +affectionate. You won't get anything by it. What's that?' + +It WAS startling, certainly. A face on the other side of the glass +partition looking curiously in; and not at him but at the paper in his +hand. For the eyes were attentively cast down upon the writing, and were +swiftly raised when he cried out. Then they met his own, and were as the +eyes of Mr Pecksniff. + +Suffering the lid of the desk to fall with a loud noise, but not +forgetting even then to lock it, Jonas, pale and breathless, gazed upon +this phantom. It moved, opened the door, and walked in. + +'What's the matter?' cried Jonas, falling back. 'Who is it? Where do you +come from? What do you want?' + +'Matter!' cried the voice of Mr Pecksniff, as Pecksniff in the flesh +smiled amiably upon him. 'The matter, Mr Jonas!' + +'What are you prying and peering about here for?' said Jonas, angrily. +'What do you mean by coming up to town in this way, and taking one +unawares? It's precious odd a man can't read the--the newspaper--in his +own office without being startled out of his wits by people coming in +without notice. Why didn't you knock at the door?' + +'So I did, Mr Jonas,' answered Pecksniff, 'but no one heard me. I was +curious,' he added in his gentle way as he laid his hand upon the young +man's shoulder, 'to find out what part of the newspaper interested you +so much; but the glass was too dim and dirty.' + +Jonas glanced in haste at the partition. Well. It wasn't very clean. So +far he spoke the truth. + +'Was it poetry now?' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking the forefinger of his +right hand with an air of cheerful banter. 'Or was it politics? Or was +it the price of stock? The main chance, Mr Jonas, the main chance, I +suspect.' + +'You ain't far from the truth,' answered Jonas, recovering himself and +snuffing the candle; 'but how the deuce do you come to be in London +again? Ecod! it's enough to make a man stare, to see a fellow looking at +him all of a sudden, who he thought was sixty or seventy mile away.' + +'So it is,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No doubt of it, my dear Mr Jonas. For +while the human mind is constituted as it is--' + +'Oh, bother the human mind,' interrupted Jonas with impatience 'what +have you come up for?' + +'A little matter of business,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'which has arisen +quite unexpectedly.' + +'Oh!' cried Jonas, 'is that all? Well. Here's father in the next room. +Hallo father, here's Pecksniff! He gets more addle-pated every day +he lives, I do believe,' muttered Jonas, shaking his honoured parent +roundly. 'Don't I tell you Pecksniff's here, stupid-head?' + +The combined effects of the shaking and this loving remonstrance soon +awoke the old man, who gave Mr Pecksniff a chuckling welcome which was +attributable in part to his being glad to see that gentleman, and in +part to his unfading delight in the recollection of having called him a +hypocrite. As Mr Pecksniff had not yet taken tea (indeed he had, but an +hour before, arrived in London) the remains of the late collation, with +a rasher of bacon, were served up for his entertainment; and as Mr Jonas +had a business appointment in the next street, he stepped out to keep +it; promising to return before Mr Pecksniff could finish his repast. + +'And now, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff to Anthony; 'now that we +are alone, pray tell me what I can do for you. I say alone, because I +believe that our dear friend Mr Chuffey is, metaphysically speaking, +a--shall I say a dummy?' asked Mr Pecksniff with his sweetest smile, and +his head very much on one side. + +'He neither hears us,' replied Anthony, 'nor sees us.' + +'Why, then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I will be bold to say, with the utmost +sympathy for his afflictions, and the greatest admiration of those +excellent qualities which do equal honour to his head and to his heart, +that he is what is playfully termed a dummy. You were going to observe, +my dear sir--?' + +'I was not going to make any observation that I know of,' replied the +old man. + +'I was,' said Mr Pecksniff, mildly. + +'Oh! YOU were? What was it?' + +'That I never,' said Mr Pecksniff, previously rising to see that the +door was shut, and arranging his chair when he came back, so that it +could not be opened in the least without his immediately becoming aware +of the circumstance; 'that I never in my life was so astonished as by +the receipt of your letter yesterday. That you should do me the honour +to wish to take counsel with me on any matter, amazed me; but that you +should desire to do so, to the exclusion even of Mr Jonas, showed an +amount of confidence in one to whom you had done a verbal injury--merely +a verbal injury, you were anxious to repair--which gratified, which +moved, which overcame me.' + +He was always a glib speaker, but he delivered this short address very +glibly; having been at some pains to compose it outside the coach. + +Although he paused for a reply, and truly said that he was there at +Anthony's request, the old man sat gazing at him in profound silence and +with a perfectly blank face. Nor did he seem to have the least desire or +impulse to pursue the conversation, though Mr Pecksniff looked towards +the door, and pulled out his watch, and gave him many other hints that +their time was short, and Jonas, if he kept his word, would soon return. +But the strangest incident in all this strange behaviour was, that of a +sudden, in a moment, so swiftly that it was impossible to trace how, +or to observe any process of change, his features fell into their old +expression, and he cried, striking his hand passionately upon the table +as if no interval at all had taken place: + +'Will you hold your tongue, sir, and let me speak?' + +Mr Pecksniff deferred to him with a submissive bow; and said within +himself, 'I knew his hand was changed, and that his writing staggered. I +said so yesterday. Ahem! Dear me!' + +'Jonas is sweet upon your daughter, Pecksniff,' said the old man, in his +usual tone. + +'We spoke of that, if you remember, sir, at Mrs Todgers's,' replied the +courteous architect. + +'You needn't speak so loud,' retorted Anthony. 'I'm not so deaf as +that.' + +Mr Pecksniff had certainly raised his voice pretty high; not so much +because he thought Anthony was deaf, as because he felt convinced that +his perceptive faculties were waxing dim; but this quick resentment of +his considerate behaviour greatly disconcerted him, and, not knowing +what tack to shape his course upon, he made another inclination of the +head, yet more submissive that the last. + +'I have said,' repeated the old man, 'that Jonas is sweet upon your +daughter.' + +'A charming girl, sir,' murmured Mr Pecksniff, seeing that he waited +for an answer. 'A dear girl, Mr Chuzzlewit, though I say it, who should +not.' + +'You know better,' cried the old man, advancing his weazen face at least +a yard, and starting forward in his chair to do it. 'You lie! What, you +WILL be a hypocrite, will you?' + +'My good sir,' Mr Pecksniff began. + +'Don't call me a good sir,' retorted Anthony, 'and don't claim to be +one yourself. If your daughter was what you would have me believe, she +wouldn't do for Jonas. Being what she is, I think she will. He might be +deceived in a wife. She might run riot, contract debts, and waste his +substance. Now when I am dead--' + +His face altered so horribly as he said the word, that Mr Pecksniff +really was fain to look another way. + +'--It will be worse for me to know of such doings, than if I was alive; +for to be tormented for getting that together, which even while I suffer +for its acquisition, is flung into the very kennels of the streets, +would be insupportable torture. No,' said the old man, hoarsely, 'let +that be saved at least; let there be something gained, and kept fast +hold of, when so much is lost.' + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, 'these are unwholesome fancies; +quite unnecessary, sir, quite uncalled for, I am sure. The truth is, my +dear sir, that you are not well!' + +'Not dying though!' cried Anthony, with something like the snarl of a +wild animal. 'Not yet! There are years of life in me. Why, look at him,' +pointing to his feeble clerk. 'Death has no right to leave him standing, +and to mow me down!' + +Mr Pecksniff was so much afraid of the old man, and so completely taken +aback by the state in which he found him, that he had not even presence +of mind enough to call up a scrap of morality from the great storehouse +within his own breast. Therefore he stammered out that no doubt it was, +in fairness and decency, Mr Chuffey's turn to expire; and that from +all he had heard of Mr Chuffey, and the little he had the pleasure of +knowing of that gentleman, personally, he felt convinced in his own +mind that he would see the propriety of expiring with as little delay as +possible. + +'Come here!' said the old man, beckoning him to draw nearer. 'Jonas +will be my heir, Jonas will be rich, and a great catch for you. You know +that. Jonas is sweet upon your daughter.' + +'I know that too,' thought Mr Pecksniff, 'for you have said it often +enough.' + +'He might get more money than with her,' said the old man, 'but she +will help him to take care of what they have. She is not too young or +heedless, and comes of a good hard griping stock. But don't you play +too fine a game. She only holds him by a thread; and if you draw it too +tight (I know his temper) it'll snap. Bind him when he's in the mood, +Pecksniff; bind him. You're too deep. In your way of leading him on, +you'll leave him miles behind. Bah, you man of oil, have I no eyes to +see how you have angled with him from the first?' + +'Now I wonder,' thought Mr Pecksniff, looking at him with a wistful +face, 'whether this is all he has to say?' + +Old Anthony rubbed his hands and muttered to himself; complained again +that he was cold; drew his chair before the fire; and, sitting with his +back to Mr Pecksniff, and his chin sunk down upon his breast, was, in +another minute, quite regardless or forgetful of his presence. + +Uncouth and unsatisfactory as this short interview had been, it had +furnished Mr Pecksniff with a hint which, supposing nothing further +were imparted to him, repaid the journey up and home again. For the good +gentleman had never (for want of an opportunity) dived into the depths +of Mr Jonas's nature; and any recipe for catching such a son-in-law +(much more one written on a leaf out of his own father's book) was worth +the having. In order that he might lose no chance of improving so fair +an opportunity by allowing Anthony to fall asleep before he had finished +all he had to say, Mr Pecksniff, in the disposal of the refreshments on +the table, a work to which he now applied himself in earnest, resorted +to many ingenious contrivances for attracting his attention; such as +coughing, sneezing, clattering the teacups, sharpening the knives, +dropping the loaf, and so forth. But all in vain, for Mr Jonas returned, +and Anthony had said no more. + +'What! My father asleep again?' he cried, as he hung up his hat, and +cast a look at him. 'Ah! and snoring. Only hear!' + +'He snores very deep,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'Snores deep?' repeated Jonas. 'Yes; let him alone for that. He'll snore +for six, at any time.' + +'Do you know, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff, 'that I think your father +is--don't let me alarm you--breaking?' + +'Oh, is he though?' replied Jonas, with a shake of the head which +expressed the closeness of his dutiful observation. 'Ecod, you don't +know how tough he is. He ain't upon the move yet.' + +'It struck me that he was changed, both in his appearance and manner,' +said Mr Pecksniff. + +'That's all you know about it,' returned Jonas, seating himself with a +melancholy air. 'He never was better than he is now. How are they all at +home? How's Charity?' + +'Blooming, Mr Jonas, blooming.' + +'And the other one; how's she?' + +'Volatile trifler!' said Mr Pecksniff, fondly musing. 'She is well, she +is well. Roving from parlour to bedroom, Mr Jonas, like a bee, skimming +from post to pillar, like the butterfly; dipping her young beak into our +currant wine, like the humming-bird! Ah! were she a little less giddy +than she is; and had she but the sterling qualities of Cherry, my young +friend!' + +'Is she so very giddy, then?' asked Jonas. + +'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, with great feeling; 'let me not be hard +upon my child. Beside her sister Cherry she appears so. A strange noise +that, Mr Jonas!' + +'Something wrong in the clock, I suppose,' said Jonas, glancing towards +it. 'So the other one ain't your favourite, ain't she?' + +The fond father was about to reply, and had already summoned into his +face a look of most intense sensibility, when the sound he had already +noticed was repeated. + +'Upon my word, Mr Jonas, that is a very extraordinary clock,' said +Pecksniff. + +It would have been, if it had made the noise which startled them; but +another kind of time-piece was fast running down, and from that the +sound proceeded. A scream from Chuffey, rendered a hundred times more +loud and formidable by his silent habits, made the house ring from roof +to cellar; and, looking round, they saw Anthony Chuzzlewit extended on +the floor, with the old clerk upon his knees beside him. + +He had fallen from his chair in a fit, and lay there, battling for each +gasp of breath, with every shrivelled vein and sinew starting in its +place, as if it were bent on bearing witness to his age, and sternly +pleading with Nature against his recovery. It was frightful to see how +the principle of life, shut up within his withered frame, fought like a +strong devil, mad to be released, and rent its ancient prison-house. +A young man in the fullness of his vigour, struggling with so much +strength of desperation, would have been a dismal sight; but an old, +old, shrunken body, endowed with preternatural might, and giving the lie +in every motion of its every limb and joint to its enfeebled aspect, was +a hideous spectacle indeed. + +They raised him up, and fetched a surgeon with all haste, who bled the +patient and applied some remedies; but the fits held him so long that +it was past midnight when they got him--quiet now, but quite unconscious +and exhausted--into bed. + +'Don't go,' said Jonas, putting his ashy lips to Mr Pecksniff's ear and +whispered across the bed. 'It was a mercy you were present when he was +taken ill. Some one might have said it was my doing.' + +'YOUR doing!' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +'I don't know but they might,' he replied, wiping the moisture from his +white face. 'People say such things. How does he look now?' + +Mr Pecksniff shook his head. + +'I used to joke, you know,' said. Jonas: 'but I--I never wished him +dead. Do you think he's very bad?' + +'The doctor said he was. You heard,' was Mr Pecksniff's answer. + +'Ah! but he might say that to charge us more, in case of his getting +well' said Jonas. 'You mustn't go away, Pecksniff. Now it's come to +this, I wouldn't be without a witness for a thousand pound.' + +Chuffey said not a word, and heard not a word. He had sat himself down +in a chair at the bedside, and there he remained, motionless; except +that he sometimes bent his head over the pillow, and seemed to listen. +He never changed in this. Though once in the dreary night Mr Pecksniff, +having dozed, awoke with a confused impression that he had heard +him praying, and strangely mingling figures--not of speech, but +arithmetic--with his broken prayers. + +Jonas sat there, too, all night; not where his father could have seen +him, had his consciousness returned, but hiding, as it were, behind him, +and only reading how he looked, in Mr Pecksniff's eyes. HE, the coarse +upstart, who had ruled the house so long--that craven cur, who was +afraid to move, and shook so, that his very shadow fluttered on the +wall! + +It was broad, bright, stirring day when, leaving the old clerk to watch +him, they went down to breakfast. People hurried up and down the street; +windows and doors were opened; thieves and beggars took their usual +posts; workmen bestirred themselves; tradesmen set forth their shops; +bailiffs and constables were on the watch; all kinds of human creatures +strove, in their several ways, as hard to live, as the one sick old +man who combated for every grain of sand in his fast-emptying glass, as +eagerly as if it were an empire. + +'If anything happens Pecksniff,' said Jonas, 'you must promise me to +stop here till it's all over. You shall see that I do what's right.' + +'I know that you will do what's right, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff. + +'Yes, yes, but I won't be doubted. No one shall have it in his power to +say a syllable against me,' he returned. 'I know how people will talk. +Just as if he wasn't old, or I had the secret of keeping him alive!' + +Mr Pecksniff promised that he would remain, if circumstances should +render it, in his esteemed friend's opinion, desirable; they were +finishing their meal in silence, when suddenly an apparition stood +before them, so ghastly to the view that Jonas shrieked aloud, and both +recoiled in horror. + +Old Anthony, dressed in his usual clothes, was in the room--beside the +table. He leaned upon the shoulder of his solitary friend; and on his +livid face, and on his horny hands, and in his glassy eyes, and traced +by an eternal finger in the very drops of sweat upon his brow, was one +word--Death. + +He spoke to them--in something of his own voice too, but sharpened and +made hollow, like a dead man's face. What he would have said, God knows. +He seemed to utter words, but they were such as man had never heard. +And this was the most fearful circumstance of all, to see him standing +there, gabbling in an unearthly tongue. + +'He's better now,' said Chuffey. 'Better now. Let him sit in his old +chair, and he'll be well again. I told him not to mind. I said so, +yesterday.' + +They put him in his easy-chair, and wheeled it near the window; then, +swinging open the door, exposed him to the free current of morning air. +But not all the air that is, nor all the winds that ever blew 'twixt +Heaven and Earth, could have brought new life to him. + +Plunge him to the throat in golden pieces now, and his heavy fingers +shall not close on one! + + + +CHAPTER NINETEEN + +THE READER IS BROUGHT INTO COMMUNICATION WITH SOME PROFESSIONAL PERSONS, +AND SHEDS A TEAR OVER THE FILIAL PIETY OF GOOD MR JONAS + + +Mr Pecksniff was in a hackney cabriolet, for Jonas Chuzzlewit had said +'Spare no expense.' Mankind is evil in its thoughts and in its base +constructions, and Jonas was resolved it should not have an inch to +stretch into an ell against him. It never should be charged upon his +father's son that he had grudged the money for his father's funeral. +Hence, until the obsequies should be concluded, Jonas had taken for his +motto 'Spend, and spare not!' + +Mr Pecksniff had been to the undertaker, and was now upon his way to +another officer in the train of mourning--a female functionary, a nurse, +and watcher, and performer of nameless offices about the persons of the +dead--whom he had recommended. Her name, as Mr Pecksniff gathered from +a scrap of writing in his hand, was Gamp; her residence in Kingsgate +Street, High Holborn. So Mr Pecksniff, in a hackney cab, was rattling +over Holborn stones, in quest of Mrs Gamp. + +This lady lodged at a bird-fancier's, next door but one to the +celebrated mutton-pie shop, and directly opposite to the original +cat's-meat warehouse; the renown of which establishments was duly +heralded on their respective fronts. It was a little house, and this was +the more convenient; for Mrs Gamp being, in her highest walk of art, +a monthly nurse, or, as her sign-board boldly had it, 'Midwife,' and +lodging in the first-floor front, was easily assailable at night by +pebbles, walking-sticks, and fragments of tobacco-pipe; all much more +efficacious than the street-door knocker, which was so constructed as +to wake the street with ease, and even spread alarms of fire in Holborn, +without making the smallest impression on the premises to which it was +addressed. + +It chanced on this particular occasion, that Mrs Gamp had been up all +the previous night, in attendance upon a ceremony to which the usage of +gossips has given that name which expresses, in two syllables, the curse +pronounced on Adam. It chanced that Mrs Gamp had not been regularly +engaged, but had been called in at a crisis, in consequence of her great +repute, to assist another professional lady with her advice; and thus it +happened that, all points of interest in the case being over, Mrs Gamp +had come home again to the bird-fancier's and gone to bed. So when Mr +Pecksniff drove up in the hackney cab, Mrs Gamp's curtains were drawn +close, and Mrs Gamp was fast asleep behind them. + +If the bird-fancier had been at home, as he ought to have been, there +would have been no great harm in this; but he was out, and his shop was +closed. The shutters were down certainly; and in every pane of glass +there was at least one tiny bird in a tiny bird-cage, twittering and +hopping his little ballet of despair, and knocking his head against the +roof; while one unhappy goldfinch who lived outside a red villa with +his name on the door, drew the water for his own drinking, and mutely +appealed to some good man to drop a farthing's-worth of poison in it. +Still, the door was shut. Mr Pecksniff tried the latch, and shook it, +causing a cracked bell inside to ring most mournfully; but no one came. +The bird-fancier was an easy shaver also, and a fashionable hair-dresser +also, and perhaps he had been sent for, express, from the court end of +the town, to trim a lord, or cut and curl a lady; but however that +might be, there, upon his own ground, he was not; nor was there any more +distinct trace of him to assist the imagination of an inquirer, than +a professional print or emblem of his calling (much favoured in the +trade), representing a hair-dresser of easy manners curling a lady +of distinguished fashion, in the presence of a patent upright grand +pianoforte. + +Noting these circumstances, Mr Pecksniff, in the innocence of his heart, +applied himself to the knocker; but at the first double knock every +window in the street became alive with female heads; and before he could +repeat the performance whole troops of married ladies (some about to +trouble Mrs Gamp themselves very shortly) came flocking round the steps, +all crying out with one accord, and with uncommon interest, 'Knock at +the winder, sir, knock at the winder. Lord bless you, don't lose no more +time than you can help--knock at the winder!' + +Acting upon this suggestion, and borrowing the driver's whip for the +purpose, Mr Pecksniff soon made a commotion among the first floor +flower-pots, and roused Mrs Gamp, whose voice--to the great satisfaction +of the matrons--was heard to say, 'I'm coming.' + +'He's as pale as a muffin,' said one lady, in allusion to Mr Pecksniff. + +'So he ought to be, if he's the feelings of a man,' observed another. + +A third lady (with her arms folded) said she wished he had chosen any +other time for fetching Mrs Gamp, but it always happened so with HER. + +It gave Mr Pecksniff much uneasiness to find, from these remarks, that +he was supposed to have come to Mrs Gamp upon an errand touching--not +the close of life, but the other end. Mrs Gamp herself was under the +same impression, for, throwing open the window, she cried behind the +curtains, as she hastily attired herself-- + +'Is it Mrs Perkins?' + +'No!' returned Mr Pecksniff, sharply. 'Nothing of the sort.' + +'What, Mr Whilks!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say it's you, Mr Whilks, and +that poor creetur Mrs Whilks with not even a pincushion ready. Don't say +it's you, Mr Whilks!' + +'It isn't Mr Whilks,' said Pecksniff. 'I don't know the man. Nothing +of the kind. A gentleman is dead; and some person being wanted in the +house, you have been recommended by Mr Mould the undertaker.' + +As she was by this time in a condition to appear, Mrs Gamp, who had +a face for all occasions, looked out of the window with her mourning +countenance, and said she would be down directly. But the matrons took +it very ill that Mr Pecksniff's mission was of so unimportant a kind; +and the lady with her arms folded rated him in good round terms, +signifying that she would be glad to know what he meant by terrifying +delicate females 'with his corpses;' and giving it as her opinion that +he was quite ugly enough to know better. The other ladies were not at +all behind-hand in expressing similar sentiments; and the children, of +whom some scores had now collected, hooted and defied Mr Pecksniff quite +savagely. So when Mrs Gamp appeared, the unoffending gentleman was glad +to hustle her with very little ceremony into the cabriolet, and drive +off, overwhelmed with popular execration. + +Mrs Gamp had a large bundle with her, a pair of pattens, and a species +of gig umbrella; the latter article in colour like a faded leaf, except +where a circular patch of a lively blue had been dexterously let in at +the top. She was much flurried by the haste she had made, and laboured +under the most erroneous views of cabriolets, which she appeared +to confound with mail-coaches or stage-wagons, inasmuch as she was +constantly endeavouring for the first half mile to force her luggage +through the little front window, and clamouring to the driver to 'put +it in the boot.' When she was disabused of this idea, her whole being +resolved itself into an absorbing anxiety about her pattens, with which +she played innumerable games at quoits on Mr Pecksniff's legs. It was +not until they were close upon the house of mourning that she had enough +composure to observe-- + +'And so the gentleman's dead, sir! Ah! The more's the pity.' She didn't +even know his name. 'But it's what we must all come to. It's as certain +as being born, except that we can't make our calculations as exact. Ah! +Poor dear!' + +She was a fat old woman, this Mrs Gamp, with a husky voice and a moist +eye, which she had a remarkable power of turning up, and only showing +the white of it. Having very little neck, it cost her some trouble to +look over herself, if one may say so, at those to whom she talked. She +wore a very rusty black gown, rather the worse for snuff, and a shawl +and bonnet to correspond. In these dilapidated articles of dress she +had, on principle, arrayed herself, time out of mind, on such occasions +as the present; for this at once expressed a decent amount of veneration +for the deceased, and invited the next of kin to present her with a +fresher suit of weeds; an appeal so frequently successful, that the very +fetch and ghost of Mrs Gamp, bonnet and all, might be seen hanging up, +any hour in the day, in at least a dozen of the second-hand clothes +shops about Holborn. The face of Mrs Gamp--the nose in particular--was +somewhat red and swollen, and it was difficult to enjoy her society +without becoming conscious of a smell of spirits. Like most persons who +have attained to great eminence in their profession, she took to hers +very kindly; insomuch that, setting aside her natural predilections as +a woman, she went to a lying-in or a laying-out with equal zest and +relish. + +'Ah!' repeated Mrs Gamp; for it was always a safe sentiment in cases of +mourning. 'Ah dear! When Gamp was summoned to his long home, and I see +him a-lying in Guy's Hospital with a penny-piece on each eye, and his +wooden leg under his left arm, I thought I should have fainted away. But +I bore up.' + +If certain whispers current in the Kingsgate Street circles had any +truth in them, she had indeed borne up surprisingly; and had exerted +such uncommon fortitude as to dispose of Mr Gamp's remains for the +benefit of science. But it should be added, in fairness, that this had +happened twenty years before; and that Mr and Mrs Gamp had long been +separated on the ground of incompatibility of temper in their drink. + +'You have become indifferent since then, I suppose?' said Mr Pecksniff. +'Use is second nature, Mrs Gamp.' + +'You may well say second nater, sir,' returned that lady. 'One's first +ways is to find sich things a trial to the feelings, and so is one's +lasting custom. If it wasn't for the nerve a little sip of liquor gives +me (I never was able to do more than taste it), I never could go through +with what I sometimes has to do. "Mrs Harris," I says, at the very last +case as ever I acted in, which it was but a young person, "Mrs Harris," +I says, "leave the bottle on the chimley-piece, and don't ask me to take +none, but let me put my lips to it when I am so dispoged, and then I +will do what I'm engaged to do, according to the best of my ability." +"Mrs Gamp," she says, in answer, "if ever there was a sober creetur to +be got at eighteen pence a day for working people, and three and six for +gentlefolks--night watching,"' said Mrs Gamp with emphasis, '"being a +extra charge--you are that inwallable person." "Mrs Harris," I says to +her, "don't name the charge, for if I could afford to lay all my feller +creeturs out for nothink, I would gladly do it, sich is the love I bears +'em. But what I always says to them as has the management of matters, +Mrs Harris"'--here she kept her eye on Mr Pecksniff--'"be they gents or +be they ladies, is, don't ask me whether I won't take none, or whether I +will, but leave the bottle on the chimley-piece, and let me put my lips +to it when I am so dispoged."' + +The conclusion of this affecting narrative brought them to the house. In +the passage they encountered Mr Mould the undertaker; a little elderly +gentleman, bald, and in a suit of black; with a notebook in his hand, +a massive gold watch-chain dangling from his fob, and a face in which a +queer attempt at melancholy was at odds with a smirk of satisfaction; so +that he looked as a man might, who, in the very act of smacking his lips +over choice old wine, tried to make believe it was physic. + +'Well, Mrs Gamp, and how are YOU, Mrs Gamp?' said this gentleman, in a +voice as soft as his step. + +'Pretty well, I thank you, sir,' dropping a curtsey. + +'You'll be very particular here, Mrs Gamp. This is not a common case, +Mrs Gamp. Let everything be very nice and comfortable, Mrs Gamp, if you +please,' said the undertaker, shaking his head with a solemn air. + +'It shall be, sir,' she replied, curtseying again. 'You knows me of old, +sir, I hope.' + +'I hope so, too, Mrs Gamp,' said the undertaker, 'and I think so also.' +Mrs Gamp curtseyed again. 'This is one of the most impressive cases, +sir,' he continued, addressing Mr Pecksniff, 'that I have seen in the +whole course of my professional experience.' + +'Indeed, Mr Mould!' cried that gentleman. + +'Such affectionate regret, sir, I never saw. There is no limitation, +there is positively NO limitation'--opening his eyes wide, and standing +on tiptoe--'in point of expense! I have orders, sir, to put on my whole +establishment of mutes; and mutes come very dear, Mr Pecksniff; not to +mention their drink. To provide silver-plated handles of the very best +description, ornamented with angels' heads from the most expensive +dies. To be perfectly profuse in feathers. In short, sir, to turn out +something absolutely gorgeous.' + +'My friend Mr Jonas is an excellent man,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'I have seen a good deal of what is filial in my time, sir,' retorted +Mould, 'and what is unfilial too. It is our lot. We come into the +knowledge of those secrets. But anything so filial as this; anything so +honourable to human nature; so calculated to reconcile all of us to the +world we live in; never yet came under my observation. It only +proves, sir, what was so forcibly observed by the lamented theatrical +poet--buried at Stratford--that there is good in everything.' + +'It is very pleasant to hear you say so, Mr Mould,' observed Pecksniff. + +'You are very kind, sir. And what a man Mr Chuzzlewit was, sir! Ah! what +a man he was. You may talk of your lord mayors,' said Mould, waving his +hand at the public in general, 'your sheriffs, your common councilmen, +your trumpery; but show me a man in this city who is worthy to walk +in the shoes of the departed Mr Chuzzlewit. No, no,' cried Mould, with +bitter sarcasm. 'Hang 'em up, hang 'em up; sole 'em and heel 'em, and +have 'em ready for his son against he's old enough to wear 'em; but +don't try 'em on yourselves, for they won't fit you. We knew him,' said +Mould, in the same biting vein, as he pocketed his note-book; 'we +knew him, and are not to be caught with chaff. Mr Pecksniff, sir, good +morning.' + +Mr Pecksniff returned the compliment; and Mould, sensible of having +distinguished himself, was going away with a brisk smile, when he +fortunately remembered the occasion. Quickly becoming depressed again, +he sighed; looked into the crown of his hat, as if for comfort; put it +on without finding any; and slowly departed. + +Mrs Gamp and Mr Pecksniff then ascended the staircase; and the former, +having been shown to the chamber in which all that remained of Anthony +Chuzzlewit lay covered up, with but one loving heart, and that a halting +one, to mourn it, left the latter free to enter the darkened room below, +and rejoin Mr Jonas, from whom he had now been absent nearly two hours. + +He found that example to bereaved sons, and pattern in the eyes of all +performers of funerals, musing over a fragment of writing-paper on the +desk, and scratching figures on it with a pen. The old man's chair, and +hat, and walking-stick, were removed from their accustomed places, and +put out of sight; the window-blinds as yellow as November fogs, were +drawn down close; Jonas himself was so subdued, that he could scarcely +be heard to speak, and only seen to walk across the room. + +'Pecksniff,' he said, in a whisper, 'you shall have the regulation of +it all, mind! You shall be able to tell anybody who talks about it that +everything was correctly and nicely done. There isn't any one you'd like +to ask to the funeral, is there?' + +'No, Mr Jonas, I think not.' + +'Because if there is, you know,' said Jonas, 'ask him. We don't want to +make a secret of it.' + +'No,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, after a little reflection. 'I am not +the less obliged to you on that account, Mr Jonas, for your liberal +hospitality; but there really is no one.' + +'Very well,' said Jonas; 'then you, and I, and Chuffey, and the doctor, +will be just a coachful. We'll have the doctor, Pecksniff, because he +knows what was the matter with him, and that it couldn't be helped.' + +'Where is our dear friend, Mr Chuffey?' asked Pecksniff, looking round +the chamber, and winking both his eyes at once--for he was overcome by +his feelings. + +But here he was interrupted by Mrs Gamp, who, divested of her bonnet and +shawl, came sidling and bridling into the room; and with some sharpness +demanded a conference outside the door with Mr Pecksniff. + +'You may say whatever you wish to say here, Mrs Gamp,' said that +gentleman, shaking his head with a melancholy expression. + +'It is not much as I have to say when people is a-mourning for the dead +and gone,' said Mrs Gamp; 'but what I have to say is TO the pint and +purpose, and no offence intended, must be so considered. I have been at +a many places in my time, gentlemen, and I hope I knows what my duties +is, and how the same should be performed; in course, if I did not, it +would be very strange, and very wrong in sich a gentleman as Mr Mould, +which has undertook the highest families in this land, and given every +satisfaction, so to recommend me as he does. I have seen a deal of +trouble my own self,' said Mrs Gamp, laying greater and greater stress +upon her words, 'and I can feel for them as has their feelings tried, +but I am not a Rooshan or a Prooshan, and consequently cannot suffer +Spies to be set over me.' + +Before it was possible that an answer could be returned, Mrs Gamp, +growing redder in the face, went on to say: + +'It is not a easy matter, gentlemen, to live when you are left a widder +woman; particular when your feelings works upon you to that extent that +you often find yourself a-going out on terms which is a certain loss, +and never can repay. But in whatever way you earns your bread, you may +have rules and regulations of your own which cannot be broke through. +Some people,' said Mrs Gamp, again entrenching herself behind her +strong point, as if it were not assailable by human ingenuity, 'may be +Rooshans, and others may be Prooshans; they are born so, and will please +themselves. Them which is of other naturs thinks different.' + +'If I understand this good lady,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to Jonas, +'Mr Chuffey is troublesome to her. Shall I fetch him down?' + +'Do,' said Jonas. 'I was going to tell you he was up there, when she +came in. I'd go myself and bring him down, only--only I'd rather you +went, if you don't mind.' + +Mr Pecksniff promptly departed, followed by Mrs Gamp, who, seeing that +he took a bottle and glass from the cupboard, and carried it in his +hand, was much softened. + +'I am sure,' she said, 'that if it wasn't for his own happiness, I +should no more mind him being there, poor dear, than if he was a +fly. But them as isn't used to these things, thinks so much of 'em +afterwards, that it's a kindness to 'em not to let 'em have their wish. +And even,' said Mrs Gamp, probably in reference to some flowers of +speech she had already strewn on Mr Chuffey, 'even if one calls 'em +names, it's only done to rouse 'em.' + +Whatever epithets she had bestowed on the old clerk, they had not +roused HIM. He sat beside the bed, in the chair he had occupied all the +previous night, with his hands folded before him, and his head bowed +down; and neither looked up, on their entrance, nor gave any sign of +consciousness, until Mr Pecksniff took him by the arm, when he meekly +rose. + +'Three score and ten,' said Chuffey, 'ought and carry seven. Some men +are so strong that they live to four score--four times ought's an ought, +four times two's an eight--eighty. Oh! why--why--why didn't he live to +four times ought's an ought, and four times two's an eight, eighty?' + +'Ah! what a wale of grief!' cried Mrs Gamp, possessing herself of the +bottle and glass. + +'Why did he die before his poor old crazy servant?' said Chuffey, +clasping his hands and looking up in anguish. 'Take him from me, and +what remains?' + +'Mr Jonas,' returned Pecksniff, 'Mr Jonas, my good friend.' + +'I loved him,' cried the old man, weeping. 'He was good to me. We learnt +Tare and Tret together at school. I took him down once, six boys in the +arithmetic class. God forgive me! Had I the heart to take him down!' + +'Come, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff. 'Come with me. Summon up your +fortitude, Mr Chuffey.' + +'Yes, I will,' returned the old clerk. 'Yes. I'll sum up my forty--How +many times forty--Oh, Chuzzlewit and Son--Your own son Mr Chuzzlewit; +your own son, sir!' + +He yielded to the hand that guided him, as he lapsed into this familiar +expression, and submitted to be led away. Mrs Gamp, with the bottle on +one knee, and the glass on the other, sat upon a stool, shaking her head +for a long time, until, in a moment of abstraction, she poured out +a dram of spirits, and raised it to her lips. It was succeeded by a +second, and by a third, and then her eyes--either in the sadness of +her reflections upon life and death, or in her admiration of the +liquor--were so turned up, as to be quite invisible. But she shook her +head still. + +Poor Chuffey was conducted to his accustomed corner, and there he +remained, silent and quiet, save at long intervals, when he would rise, +and walk about the room, and wring his hands, or raise some strange and +sudden cry. For a whole week they all three sat about the hearth and +never stirred abroad. Mr Pecksniff would have walked out in the evening +time, but Mr Jonas was so averse to his being absent for a minute, that +he abandoned the idea, and so, from morning until night, they brooded +together in the dark room, without relief or occupation. + +The weight of that which was stretched out, stiff and stark, in the +awful chamber above-stairs, so crushed and bore down Jonas, that he bent +beneath the load. During the whole long seven days and nights, he was +always oppressed and haunted by a dreadful sense of its presence in the +house. Did the door move, he looked towards it with a livid face and +starting eye, as if he fully believed that ghostly fingers clutched the +handle. Did the fire flicker in a draught of air, he glanced over his +shoulder, as almost dreading to behold some shrouded figure fanning and +flapping at it with its fearful dress. The lightest noise disturbed him; +and once, in the night, at the sound of a footstep overhead, he cried +out that the dead man was walking--tramp, tramp, tramp--about his +coffin. + +He lay at night upon a mattress on the floor of the sitting-room; his +own chamber having been assigned to Mrs Gamp; and Mr Pecksniff was +similarly accommodated. The howling of a dog before the house, filled +him with a terror he could not disguise. He avoided the reflection in +the opposite windows of the light that burned above, as though it had +been an angry eye. He often, in every night, rose up from his fitful +sleep, and looked and longed for dawn; all directions and arrangements, +even to the ordering of their daily meals, he abandoned to Mr Pecksniff. +That excellent gentleman, deeming that the mourner wanted comfort, and +that high feeding was likely to do him infinite service, availed himself +of these opportunities to such good purpose, that they kept quite a +dainty table during this melancholy season; with sweetbreads, stewed +kidneys, oysters, and other such light viands for supper every night; +over which, and sundry jorums of hot punch, Mr Pecksniff delivered such +moral reflections and spiritual consolation as might have converted a +Heathen--especially if he had had but an imperfect acquaintance with the +English tongue. + +Nor did Mr Pecksniff alone indulge in the creature comforts during +this sad time. Mrs Gamp proved to be very choice in her eating, and +repudiated hashed mutton with scorn. In her drinking too, she was very +punctual and particular, requiring a pint of mild porter at lunch, a +pint at dinner, half-a-pint as a species of stay or holdfast between +dinner and tea, and a pint of the celebrated staggering ale, or Real Old +Brighton Tipper, at supper; besides the bottle on the chimney-piece, +and such casual invitations to refresh herself with wine as the good +breeding of her employers might prompt them to offer. In like manner, Mr +Mould's men found it necessary to drown their grief, like a young kitten +in the morning of its existence, for which reason they generally fuddled +themselves before they began to do anything, lest it should make head +and get the better of them. In short, the whole of that strange week was +a round of dismal joviality and grim enjoyment; and every one, except +poor Chuffey, who came within the shadow of Anthony Chuzzlewit's grave, +feasted like a Ghoul. + +At length the day of the funeral, pious and truthful ceremony that it +was, arrived. Mr Mould, with a glass of generous port between his eye +and the light, leaned against the desk in the little glass office with +his gold watch in his unoccupied hand, and conversed with Mrs Gamp; two +mutes were at the house-door, looking as mournful as could be reasonably +expected of men with such a thriving job in hand; the whole of Mr +Mould's establishment were on duty within the house or without; feathers +waved, horses snorted, silk and velvets fluttered; in a word, as Mr +Mould emphatically said, 'Everything that money could do was done.' + +'And what can do more, Mrs Gamp?' exclaimed the undertaker as he emptied +his glass and smacked his lips. + +'Nothing in the world, sir.' + +'Nothing in the world,' repeated Mr Mould. 'You are right, Mrs Gamp. +Why do people spend more money'--here he filled his glass again--'upon a +death, Mrs Gamp, than upon a birth? Come, that's in your way; you ought +to know. How do you account for that now?' + +'Perhaps it is because an undertaker's charges comes dearer than a +nurse's charges, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, tittering, and smoothing down her +new black dress with her hands. + +'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'You have been breakfasting at somebody's +expense this morning, Mrs Gamp.' But seeing, by the aid of a little +shaving-glass which hung opposite, that he looked merry, he composed his +features and became sorrowful. + +'Many's the time that I've not breakfasted at my own expense along of +your recommending, sir; and many's the time I hope to do the same in +time to come,' said Mrs Gamp, with an apologetic curtsey. + +'So be it,' replied Mr Mould, 'please Providence. No, Mrs Gamp; +I'll tell you why it is. It's because the laying out of money with a +well-conducted establishment, where the thing is performed upon the +very best scale, binds the broken heart, and sheds balm upon the wounded +spirit. Hearts want binding, and spirits want balming when people die; +not when people are born. Look at this gentleman to-day; look at him.' + +'An open-handed gentleman?' cried Mrs Gamp, with enthusiasm. + +'No, no,' said the undertaker; 'not an open-handed gentleman in general, +by any means. There you mistake him; but an afflicted gentleman, an +affectionate gentleman, who knows what it is in the power of money to +do, in giving him relief, and in testifying his love and veneration for +the departed. It can give him,' said Mr Mould, waving his watch-chain +slowly round and round, so that he described one circle after every +item; 'it can give him four horses to each vehicle; it can give him +velvet trappings; it can give him drivers in cloth cloaks and top-boots; +it can give him the plumage of the ostrich, dyed black; it can give him +any number of walking attendants, dressed in the first style of funeral +fashion, and carrying batons tipped with brass; it can give him a +handsome tomb; it can give him a place in Westminster Abbey itself, if +he choose to invest it in such a purchase. Oh! do not let us say that +gold is dross, when it can buy such things as these, Mrs Gamp.' + +'But what a blessing, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that there are such as you, +to sell or let 'em out on hire!' + +'Aye, Mrs Gamp, you are right,' rejoined the undertaker. 'We should +be an honoured calling. We do good by stealth, and blush to have it +mentioned in our little bills. How much consolation may I--even I,' +cried Mr Mould, 'have diffused among my fellow-creatures by means of my +four long-tailed prancers, never harnessed under ten pund ten!' + +Mrs Gamp had begun to make a suitable reply, when she was interrupted +by the appearance of one of Mr Mould's assistants--his chief mourner in +fact--an obese person, with his waistcoat in closer connection with his +legs than is quite reconcilable with the established ideas of grace; +with that cast of feature which is figuratively called a bottle nose; +and with a face covered all over with pimples. He had been a tender +plant once upon a time, but from constant blowing in the fat atmosphere +of funerals, had run to seed. + +'Well, Tacker,' said Mr Mould, 'is all ready below?' + +'A beautiful show, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'The horses are prouder and +fresher than ever I see 'em; and toss their heads, they do, as if they +knowed how much their plumes cost. One, two, three, four,' said Mr +Tacker, heaping that number of black cloaks upon his left arm. + +'Is Tom there, with the cake and wine?' asked Mr Mould. + +'Ready to come in at a moment's notice, sir,' said Tacker. + +'Then,' rejoined Mr Mould, putting up his watch, and glancing at himself +in the little shaving-glass, that he might be sure his face had the +right expression on it; 'then I think we may proceed to business. Give +me the paper of gloves, Tacker. Ah, what a man he was! Ah, Tacker, +Tacker, what a man he was!' + +Mr Tacker, who from his great experience in the performance of funerals, +would have made an excellent pantomime actor, winked at Mrs Gamp without +at all disturbing the gravity of his countenance, and followed his +master into the next room. + +It was a great point with Mr Mould, and a part of his professional +tact, not to seem to know the doctor; though in reality they were near +neighbours, and very often, as in the present instance, worked together. +So he advanced to fit on his black kid gloves as if he had never seen +him in all his life; while the doctor, on his part, looked as distant +and unconscious as if he had heard and read of undertakers, and had +passed their shops, but had never before been brought into communication +with one. + +'Gloves, eh?' said the doctor. 'Mr Pecksniff after you.' + +'I couldn't think of it,' returned Mr Pecksniff. + +'You are very good,' said the doctor, taking a pair. 'Well, sir, as I +was saying--I was called up to attend that case at about half-past one +o'clock. Cake and wine, eh? Which is port? Thank you.' + +Mr Pecksniff took some also. + +'At about half-past one o'clock in the morning, sir,' resumed the +doctor, 'I was called up to attend that case. At the first pull of +the night-bell I turned out, threw up the window, and put out my head. +Cloak, eh? Don't tie it too tight. That'll do.' + +Mr Pecksniff having been likewise inducted into a similar garment, the +doctor resumed. + +'And put out my head--hat, eh? My good friend, that is not mine. Mr +Pecksniff, I beg your pardon, but I think we have unintentionally made +an exchange. Thank you. Well, sir, I was going to tell you--' + +'We are quite ready,' interrupted Mould in a low voice. + +'Ready, eh?' said the doctor. 'Very good, Mr Pecksniff, I'll take an +opportunity of relating the rest in the coach. It's rather curious. +Ready, eh? No rain, I hope?' + +'Quite fair, sir,' returned Mould. + +'I was afraid the ground would have been wet,' said the doctor, 'for +my glass fell yesterday. We may congratulate ourselves upon our good +fortune.' But seeing by this time that Mr Jonas and Chuffey were going +out at the door, he put a white pocket-handkerchief to his face as if a +violent burst of grief had suddenly come upon him, and walked down side +by side with Mr Pecksniff. + +Mr Mould and his men had not exaggerated the grandeur of the +arrangements. They were splendid. The four hearse-horses, especially, +reared and pranced, and showed their highest action, as if they knew a +man was dead, and triumphed in it. 'They break us, drive us, ride us; +ill-treat, abuse, and maim us for their pleasure--But they die; Hurrah, +they die!' + +So through the narrow streets and winding city ways, went Anthony +Chuzzlewit's funeral; Mr Jonas glancing stealthily out of the +coach-window now and then, to observe its effect upon the crowd; +Mr Mould as he walked along, listening with a sober pride to the +exclamations of the bystanders; the doctor whispering his story to Mr +Pecksniff, without appearing to come any nearer the end of it; and +poor old Chuffey sobbing unregarded in a corner. But he had greatly +scandalized Mr Mould at an early stage of the ceremony by carrying his +handkerchief in his hat in a perfectly informal manner, and wiping his +eyes with his knuckles. And as Mr Mould himself had said already, his +behaviour was indecent, and quite unworthy of such an occasion; and he +never ought to have been there. + +There he was, however; and in the churchyard there he was, also, +conducting himself in a no less unbecoming manner, and leaning for +support on Tacker, who plainly told him that he was fit for nothing +better than a walking funeral. But Chuffey, Heaven help him! heard no +sound but the echoes, lingering in his own heart, of a voice for ever +silent. + +'I loved him,' cried the old man, sinking down upon the grave when all +was done. 'He was very good to me. Oh, my dear old friend and master!' + +'Come, come, Mr Chuffey,' said the doctor, 'this won't do; it's a clayey +soil, Mr Chuffey. You mustn't, really.' + +'If it had been the commonest thing we do, and Mr Chuffey had been a +Bearer, gentlemen,' said Mould, casting an imploring glance upon them, +as he helped to raise him, 'he couldn't have gone on worse than this.' + +'Be a man, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff. + +'Be a gentleman, Mr Chuffey,' said Mould. + +'Upon my word, my good friend,' murmured the doctor, in a tone of +stately reproof, as he stepped up to the old man's side, 'this is worse +than weakness. This is bad, selfish, very wrong, Mr Chuffey. You should +take example from others, my good sir. You forget that you were not +connected by ties of blood with our deceased friend; and that he had a +very near and very dear relation, Mr Chuffey.' + +'Aye, his own son!' cried the old man, clasping his hands with +remarkable passion. 'His own, own, only son!' + +'He's not right in his head, you know,' said Jonas, turning pale. +'You're not to mind anything he says. I shouldn't wonder if he was +to talk some precious nonsense. But don't you mind him, any of you. I +don't. My father left him to my charge; and whatever he says or does, +that's enough. I'll take care of him.' + +A hum of admiration rose from the mourners (including Mr Mould and his +merry men) at this new instance of magnanimity and kind feeling on the +part of Jonas. But Chuffey put it to the test no farther. He said not +a word more, and being left to himself for a little while, crept back +again to the coach. + +It has been said that Mr Jonas turned pale when the behaviour of the old +clerk attracted general attention; his discomposure, however, was but +momentary, and he soon recovered. But these were not the only changes +he had exhibited that day. The curious eyes of Mr Pecksniff had observed +that as soon as they left the house upon their mournful errand, he began +to mend; that as the ceremonies proceeded he gradually, by little and +little, recovered his old condition, his old looks, his old bearing, his +old agreeable characteristics of speech and manner, and became, in all +respects, his old pleasant self. And now that they were seated in the +coach on their return home; and more when they got there, and found the +windows open, the light and air admitted, and all traces of the late +event removed; he felt so well convinced that Jonas was again the Jonas +he had known a week ago, and not the Jonas of the intervening time, that +he voluntarily gave up his recently-acquired power without one faint +attempt to exercise it, and at once fell back into his former position +of mild and deferential guest. + +Mrs Gamp went home to the bird-fancier's, and was knocked up again that +very night for a birth of twins; Mr Mould dined gayly in the bosom of +his family, and passed the evening facetiously at his club; the hearse, +after standing for a long time at the door of a roistering public-house, +repaired to its stables with the feathers inside and twelve red-nosed +undertakers on the roof, each holding on by a dingy peg, to which, in +times of state, a waving plume was fitted; the various trappings of +sorrow were carefully laid by in presses for the next hirer; the fiery +steeds were quenched and quiet in their stalls; the doctor got merry +with wine at a wedding-dinner, and forgot the middle of the story which +had no end to it; the pageant of a few short hours ago was written +nowhere half so legibly as in the undertaker's books. + +Not in the churchyard? Not even there. The gates were closed; the night +was dark and wet; the rain fell silently, among the stagnant weeds and +nettles. One new mound was there which had not been there last night. +Time, burrowing like a mole below the ground, had marked his track by +throwing up another heap of earth. And that was all. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY + +IS A CHAPTER OF LOVE + + +'Pecksniff,' said Jonas, taking off his hat, to see that the black +crape band was all right; and finding that it was, putting it on again, +complacently; 'what do you mean to give your daughters when they marry?' + +'My dear Mr Jonas,' cried the affectionate parent, with an ingenuous +smile, 'what a very singular inquiry!' + +'Now, don't you mind whether it's a singular inquiry or a plural one,' +retorted Jonas, eyeing Mr Pecksniff with no great favour, 'but answer +it, or let it alone. One or the other.' + +'Hum! The question, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand +tenderly upon his kinsman's knee, 'is involved with many considerations. +What would I give them? Eh?' + +'Ah! what would you give 'em?' repeated Jonas. + +'Why, that, 'said Mr Pecksniff, 'would naturally depend in a great +measure upon the kind of husbands they might choose, my dear young +friend.' + +Mr Jonas was evidently disconcerted, and at a loss how to proceed. +It was a good answer. It seemed a deep one, but such is the wisdom of +simplicity!' + +'My standard for the merits I would require in a son-in-law,' said Mr +Pecksniff, after a short silence, 'is a high one. Forgive me, my dear Mr +Jonas,' he added, greatly moved, 'if I say that you have spoiled me, and +made it a fanciful one; an imaginative one; a prismatically tinged one, +if I may be permitted to call it so.' + +'What do you mean by that?' growled Jonas, looking at him with increased +disfavour. + +'Indeed, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you may well inquire. +The heart is not always a royal mint, with patent machinery to work its +metal into current coin. Sometimes it throws it out in strange forms, +not easily recognized as coin at all. But it is sterling gold. It has at +least that merit. It is sterling gold.' + +'Is it?' grumbled Jonas, with a doubtful shake of the head. + +'Aye!' said Mr Pecksniff, warming with his subject 'it is. To be plain +with you, Mr Jonas, if I could find two such sons-in-law as you will one +day make to some deserving man, capable of appreciating a nature such as +yours, I would--forgetful of myself--bestow upon my daughters portions +reaching to the very utmost limit of my means.' + +This was strong language, and it was earnestly delivered. But who can +wonder that such a man as Mr Pecksniff, after all he had seen and heard +of Mr Jonas, should be strong and earnest upon such a theme; a theme +that touched even the worldly lips of undertakers with the honey of +eloquence! + +Mr Jonas was silent, and looked thoughtfully at the landscape. For +they were seated on the outside of the coach, at the back, and were +travelling down into the country. He accompanied Mr Pecksniff home for a +few days' change of air and scene after his recent trials. + +'Well,' he said, at last, with captivating bluntness, 'suppose you got +one such son-in-law as me, what then?' + +Mr Pecksniff regarded him at first with inexpressible surprise; then +gradually breaking into a sort of dejected vivacity, said: + +'Then well I know whose husband he would be!' + +'Whose?' asked Jonas, drily. + +'My eldest girl's, Mr Jonas,' replied Pecksniff, with moistening eyes. +'My dear Cherry's; my staff, my scrip, my treasure, Mr Jonas. A hard +struggle, but it is in the nature of things! I must one day part with +her to a husband. I know it, my dear friend. I am prepared for it.' + +'Ecod! you've been prepared for that a pretty long time, I should +think,' said Jonas. + +'Many have sought to bear her from me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'All have +failed. "I never will give my hand, papa"--those were her words--"unless +my heart is won." She has not been quite so happy as she used to be, of +late. I don't know why.' + +Again Mr Jonas looked at the landscape; then at the coachman; then at +the luggage on the roof; finally at Mr Pecksniff. + +'I suppose you'll have to part with the other one, some of these days?' +he observed, as he caught that gentleman's eye. + +'Probably,' said the parent. 'Years will tame down the wildness of my +foolish bird, and then it will be caged. But Cherry, Mr Jonas, Cherry--' + +'Oh, ah!' interrupted Jonas. 'Years have made her all right enough. +Nobody doubts that. But you haven't answered what I asked you. Of +course, you're not obliged to do it, you know, if you don't like. You're +the best judge.' + +There was a warning sulkiness in the manner of this speech, which +admonished Mr Pecksniff that his dear friend was not to be trifled with +or fenced off, and that he must either return a straight-forward reply +to his question, or plainly give him to understand that he declined to +enlighten him upon the subject to which it referred. Mindful in this +dilemma of the caution old Anthony had given him almost with his +latest breath, he resolved to speak to the point, and so told Mr Jonas +(enlarging upon the communication as a proof of his great attachment and +confidence), that in the case he had put; to wit, in the event of such +a man as he proposing for his daughter's hand, he would endow her with a +fortune of four thousand pounds. + +'I should sadly pinch and cramp myself to do so,' was his fatherly +remark; 'but that would be my duty, and my conscience would reward me. +For myself, my conscience is my bank. I have a trifle invested there--a +mere trifle, Mr Jonas--but I prize it as a store of value, I assure +you.' + +The good man's enemies would have divided upon this question into two +parties. One would have asserted without scruple that if Mr Pecksniff's +conscience were his bank, and he kept a running account there, he must +have overdrawn it beyond all mortal means of computation. The other +would have contended that it was a mere fictitious form; a perfectly +blank book; or one in which entries were only made with a peculiar kind +of invisible ink to become legible at some indefinite time; and that he +never troubled it at all. + +'It would sadly pinch and cramp me, my dear friend,' repeated Mr +Pecksniff, 'but Providence--perhaps I may be permitted to say a special +Providence--has blessed my endeavours, and I could guarantee to make the +sacrifice.' + +A question of philosophy arises here, whether Mr Pecksniff had or had +not good reason to say that he was specially patronized and encouraged +in his undertakings. All his life long he had been walking up and down +the narrow ways and by-places, with a hook in one hand and a crook in +the other, scraping all sorts of valuable odds and ends into his pouch. +Now, there being a special Providence in the fall of a sparrow, it +follows (so Mr Pecksniff, and only such admirable men, would have +reasoned), that there must also be a special Providence in the alighting +of the stone or stick, or other substance which is aimed at the sparrow. +And Mr Pecksniff's hook, or crook, having invariably knocked the sparrow +on the head and brought him down, that gentleman may have been led to +consider himself as specially licensed to bag sparrows, and as being +specially seized and possessed of all the birds he had got together. +That many undertakings, national as well as individual--but especially +the former--are held to be specially brought to a glorious and +successful issue, which never could be so regarded on any other process +of reasoning, must be clear to all men. Therefore the precedents would +seem to show that Mr Pecksniff had (as things go) good argument for +what he said and might be permitted to say it, and did not say it +presumptuously, vainly, or arrogantly, but in a spirit of high faith and +great wisdom. + +Mr Jonas, not being much accustomed to perplex his mind with theories of +this nature, expressed no opinion on the subject. Nor did he receive +his companion's announcement with one solitary syllable, good, bad, or +indifferent. He preserved this taciturnity for a quarter of an hour at +least, and during the whole of that time appeared to be steadily engaged +in subjecting some given amount to the operation of every known rule in +figures; adding to it, taking from it, multiplying it, reducing it by +long and short division; working it by the rule-of-three direct and +inversed; exchange or barter; practice; simple interest; compound +interest; and other means of arithmetical calculation. The result +of these labours appeared to be satisfactory, for when he did break +silence, it was as one who had arrived at some specific result, and +freed himself from a state of distressing uncertainty. + +'Come, old Pecksniff!'--Such was his jocose address, as he slapped that +gentleman on the back, at the end of the stage--'let's have something!' + +'With all my heart,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'Let's treat the driver,' cried Jonas. + +'If you think it won't hurt the man, or render him discontented with his +station--certainly,' faltered Mr Pecksniff. + +Jonas only laughed at this, and getting down from the coach-top with +great alacrity, cut a cumbersome kind of caper in the road. After which, +he went into the public-house, and there ordered spirituous drink to +such an extent, that Mr Pecksniff had some doubts of his perfect sanity, +until Jonas set them quite at rest by saying, when the coach could wait +no longer: + +'I've been standing treat for a whole week and more, and letting +you have all the delicacies of the season. YOU shall pay for this +Pecksniff.' It was not a joke either, as Mr Pecksniff at first supposed; +for he went off to the coach without further ceremony, and left his +respected victim to settle the bill. + +But Mr Pecksniff was a man of meek endurance, and Mr Jonas was his +friend. Moreover, his regard for that gentleman was founded, as we know, +on pure esteem, and a knowledge of the excellence of his character. He +came out from the tavern with a smiling face, and even went so far as +to repeat the performance, on a less expensive scale, at the next +ale-house. There was a certain wildness in the spirits of Mr Jonas (not +usually a part of his character) which was far from being subdued +by these means, and, for the rest of the journey, he was so very +buoyant--it may be said, boisterous--that Mr Pecksniff had some +difficulty in keeping pace with him. + +They were not expected--oh dear, no! Mr Pecksniff had proposed in London +to give the girls a surprise, and had said he wouldn't write a word to +prepare them on any account, in order that he and Mr Jonas might take +them unawares, and just see what they were doing, when they thought +their dear papa was miles and miles away. As a consequence of this +playful device, there was nobody to meet them at the finger-post, but +that was of small consequence, for they had come down by the day +coach, and Mr Pecksniff had only a carpetbag, while Mr Jonas had only +a portmanteau. They took the portmanteau between them, put the bag upon +it, and walked off up the lane without delay; Mr Pecksniff already going +on tiptoe as if, without this precaution, his fond children, being then +at a distance of a couple of miles or so, would have some filial sense +of his approach. + +It was a lovely evening in the spring-time of the year; and in the soft +stillness of the twilight, all nature was very calm and beautiful. The +day had been fine and warm; but at the coming on of night, the air grew +cool, and in the mellowing distance smoke was rising gently from the +cottage chimneys. There were a thousand pleasant scents diffused around, +from young leaves and fresh buds; the cuckoo had been singing all day +long, and was but just now hushed; the smell of earth newly-upturned, +first breath of hope to the first labourer after his garden withered, +was fragrant in the evening breeze. It was a time when most men cherish +good resolves, and sorrow for the wasted past; when most men, looking +on the shadows as they gather, think of that evening which must close on +all, and that to-morrow which has none beyond. + +'Precious dull,' said Mr Jonas, looking about. 'It's enough to make a +man go melancholy mad.' + +'We shall have lights and a fire soon,' observed Mr Pecksniff. + +'We shall need 'em by the time we get there,' said Jonas. 'Why the devil +don't you talk? What are you thinking of?' + +'To tell you the truth, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff with great solemnity, +'my mind was running at that moment on our late dear friend, your +departed father.' + +Mr Jonas immediately let his burden fall, and said, threatening him with +his hand: + +'Drop that, Pecksniff!' + +Mr Pecksniff not exactly knowing whether allusion was made to the +subject or the portmanteau, stared at his friend in unaffected surprise. + +'Drop it, I say!' cried Jonas, fiercely. 'Do you hear? Drop it, now and +for ever. You had better, I give you notice!' + +'It was quite a mistake,' urged Mr Pecksniff, very much dismayed; +'though I admit it was foolish. I might have known it was a tender +string.' + +'Don't talk to me about tender strings,' said Jonas, wiping his forehead +with the cuff of his coat. 'I'm not going to be crowed over by you, +because I don't like dead company.' + +Mr Pecksniff had got out the words 'Crowed over, Mr Jonas!' when that +young man, with a dark expression in his countenance, cut him short once +more: + +'Mind!' he said. 'I won't have it. I advise you not to revive the +subject, neither to me nor anybody else. You can take a hint, if you +choose as well as another man. There's enough said about it. Come +along!' + +Taking up his part of the load again, when he had said these words, +he hurried on so fast that Mr Pecksniff, at the other end of the +portmanteau, found himself dragged forward, in a very inconvenient and +ungraceful manner, to the great detriment of what is called by fancy +gentlemen 'the bark' upon his shins, which were most unmercifully bumped +against the hard leather and the iron buckles. In the course of a few +minutes, however, Mr Jonas relaxed his speed, and suffered his companion +to come up with him, and to bring the portmanteau into a tolerably +straight position. + +It was pretty clear that he regretted his late outbreak, and that he +mistrusted its effect on Mr Pecksniff; for as often as that gentleman +glanced towards Mr Jonas, he found Mr Jonas glancing at him, which was +a new source of embarrassment. It was but a short-lived one, though, for +Mr Jonas soon began to whistle, whereupon Mr Pecksniff, taking his cue +from his friend, began to hum a tune melodiously. + +'Pretty nearly there, ain't we?' said Jonas, when this had lasted some +time. + +'Close, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'What'll they be doing, do you suppose?' asked Jonas. + +'Impossible to say,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Giddy truants! They may be +away from home, perhaps. I was going to--he! he! he!--I was going to +propose,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that we should enter by the back way, and +come upon them like a clap of thunder, Mr Jonas.' + +It might not have been easy to decide in respect of which of their +manifold properties, Jonas, Mr Pecksniff, the carpet-bag, and the +portmanteau, could be likened to a clap of thunder. But Mr Jonas giving +his assent to this proposal, they stole round into the back yard, and +softly advanced towards the kitchen window, through which the mingled +light of fire and candle shone upon the darkening night. + +Truly Mr Pecksniff is blessed in his children--in one of them, at any +rate. The prudent Cherry--staff and scrip, and treasure of her doting +father--there she sits, at a little table white as driven snow, before +the kitchen fire, making up accounts! See the neat maiden, as with pen +in hand, and calculating look addressed towards the ceiling and bunch +of keys within a little basket at her side, she checks the housekeeping +expenditure! From flat-iron, dish-cover, and warming-pan; from pot and +kettle, face of brass footman, and black-leaded stove; bright glances +of approbation wink and glow upon her. The very onions dangling from the +beam, mantle and shine like cherubs' cheeks. Something of the influence +of those vegetables sinks into Mr Pecksniff's nature. He weeps. + +It is but for a moment, and he hides it from the observation of +his friend--very carefully--by a somewhat elaborate use of his +pocket-handkerchief, in fact; for he would not have his weakness known. + +'Pleasant,' he murmured, 'pleasant to a father's feelings! My dear girl! +Shall we let her know we are here, Mr Jonas?' + +'Why, I suppose you don't mean to spend the evening in the stable, or +the coach-house,' he returned. + +'That, indeed, is not such hospitality as I would show to YOU, my +friend,' cried Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand. And then he took a long +breath, and tapping at the window, shouted with stentorian blandness: + +'Boh!' + +Cherry dropped her pen and screamed. But innocence is ever bold, or +should be. As they opened the door, the valiant girl exclaimed in a firm +voice, and with a presence of mind which even in that trying moment did +not desert her, 'Who are you? What do you want? Speak! or I will call my +Pa.' + +Mr Pecksniff held out his arms. She knew him instantly, and rushed into +his fond embrace. + +'It was thoughtless of us, Mr Jonas, it was very thoughtless,' said +Pecksniff, smoothing his daugther's hair. 'My darling, do you see that I +am not alone!' + +Not she. She had seen nothing but her father until now. She saw Mr +Jonas now, though; and blushed, and hung her head down, as she gave him +welcome. + +But where was Merry? Mr Pecksniff didn't ask the question in reproach, +but in a vein of mildness touched with a gentle sorrow. She was +upstairs, reading on the parlour couch. Ah! Domestic details had no +charms for HER. 'But call her down,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a placid +resignation. 'Call her down, my love.' + +She was called and came, all flushed and tumbled from reposing on the +sofa; but none the worse for that. No, not at all. Rather the better, if +anything. + +'Oh my goodness me!' cried the arch girl, turning to her cousin when she +had kissed her father on both cheeks, and in her frolicsome nature had +bestowed a supernumerary salute upon the tip of his nose, 'YOU here, +fright! Well, I'm very thankful that you won't trouble ME much!' + +'What! you're as lively as ever, are you?' said Jonas. 'Oh! You're a +wicked one!' + +'There, go along!' retorted Merry, pushing him away. 'I'm sure I don't +know what I shall ever do, if I have to see much of you. Go along, for +gracious' sake!' + +Mr Pecksniff striking in here, with a request that Mr Jonas would +immediately walk upstairs, he so far complied with the young lady's +adjuration as to go at once. But though he had the fair Cherry on his +arm, he could not help looking back at her sister, and exchanging some +further dialogue of the same bantering description, as they all four +ascended to the parlour; where--for the young ladies happened, by good +fortune, to be a little later than usual that night--the tea-board was +at that moment being set out. + +Mr Pinch was not at home, so they had it all to themselves, and were +very snug and talkative, Jonas sitting between the two sisters, and +displaying his gallantry in that engaging manner which was peculiar +to him. It was a hard thing, Mr Pecksniff said, when tea was done, +and cleared away, to leave so pleasant a little party, but having some +important papers to examine in his own apartment, he must beg them to +excuse him for half an hour. With this apology he withdrew, singing +a careless strain as he went. He had not been gone five minutes, when +Merry, who had been sitting in the window, apart from Jonas and her +sister, burst into a half-smothered laugh, and skipped towards the door. + +'Hallo!' cried Jonas. 'Don't go.' + +'Oh, I dare say!' rejoined Merry, looking back. 'You're very anxious I +should stay, fright, ain't you?' + +'Yes, I am,' said Jonas. 'Upon my word I am. I want to speak to you.' +But as she left the room notwithstanding, he ran out after her, +and brought her back, after a short struggle in the passage which +scandalized Miss Cherry very much. + +'Upon my word, Merry,' urged that young lady, 'I wonder at you! There +are bounds even to absurdity, my dear.' + +'Thank you, my sweet,' said Merry, pursing up her rosy Lips. 'Much +obliged to it for its advice. Oh! do leave me alone, you monster, do!' +This entreaty was wrung from her by a new proceeding on the part of +Mr Jonas, who pulled her down, all breathless as she was, into a seat +beside him on the sofa, having at the same time Miss Cherry upon the +other side. + +'Now,' said Jonas, clasping the waist of each; 'I have got both arms +full, haven't I?' + +'One of them will be black and blue to-morrow, if you don't let me go,' +cried the playful Merry. + +'Ah! I don't mind YOUR pinching,' grinned Jonas, 'a bit.' + +'Pinch him for me, Cherry, pray,' said Mercy. 'I never did hate anybody +so much as I hate this creature, I declare!' + +'No, no, don't say that,' urged Jonas, 'and don't pinch either, because +I want to be serious. I say--Cousin Charity--' + +'Well! what?' she answered sharply. + +'I want to have some sober talk,' said Jonas; 'I want to prevent any +mistakes, you know, and to put everything upon a pleasant understanding. +That's desirable and proper, ain't it?' + +Neither of the sisters spoke a word. Mr Jonas paused and cleared his +throat, which was very dry. + +'She'll not believe what I am going to say, will she, cousin?' said +Jonas, timidly squeezing Miss Charity. + +'Really, Mr Jonas, I don't know, until I hear what it is. It's quite +impossible!' + +'Why, you see,' said Jonas, 'her way always being to make game of +people, I know she'll laugh, or pretend to--I know that, beforehand. But +you can tell her I'm in earnest, cousin; can't you? You'll confess you +know, won't you? You'll be honourable, I'm sure,' he added persuasively. + +No answer. His throat seemed to grow hotter and hotter, and to be more +and more difficult of control. + +'You see, Cousin Charity,' said Jonas, 'nobody but you can tell her +what pains I took to get into her company when you were both at the +boarding-house in the city, because nobody's so well aware of it, you +know. Nobody else can tell her how hard I tried to get to know you +better, in order that I might get to know her without seeming to wish +it; can they? I always asked you about her, and said where had she gone, +and when would she come, and how lively she was, and all that; didn't I, +cousin? I know you'll tell her so, if you haven't told her so already, +and--and--I dare say you have, because I'm sure you're honourable, ain't +you?' + +Still not a word. The right arm of Mr Jonas--the elder sister sat upon +his right--may have been sensible of some tumultuous throbbing which was +not within itself; but nothing else apprised him that his words had had +the least effect. + +'Even if you kept it to yourself, and haven't told her,' resumed Jonas, +'it don't much matter, because you'll bear honest witness now; won't +you? We've been very good friends from the first; haven't we? and of +course we shall be quite friends in future, and so I don't mind speaking +before you a bit. Cousin Mercy, you've heard what I've been saying. +She'll confirm it, every word; she must. Will you have me for your +husband? Eh?' + +As he released his hold of Charity, to put this question with better +effect, she started up and hurried away to her own room, marking her +progress as she went by such a train of passionate and incoherent sound, +as nothing but a slighted woman in her anger could produce. + +'Let me go away. Let me go after her,' said Merry, pushing him off, +and giving him--to tell the truth--more than one sounding slap upon his +outstretched face. + +'Not till you say yes. You haven't told me. Will you have me for your +husband?' + +'No, I won't. I can't bear the sight of you. I have told you so a +hundred times. You are a fright. Besides, I always thought you liked my +sister best. We all thought so.' + +'But that wasn't my fault,' said Jonas. + +'Yes it was; you know it was.' + +'Any trick is fair in love,' said Jonas. 'She may have thought I liked +her best, but you didn't.' + +'I did!' + +'No, you didn't. You never could have thought I liked her best, when you +were by.' + +'There's no accounting for tastes,' said Merry; 'at least I didn't mean +to say that. I don't know what I mean. Let me go to her.' + +'Say "Yes," and then I will.' + +'If I ever brought myself to say so, it should only be that I might hate +and tease you all my life.' + +'That's as good,' cried Jonas, 'as saying it right out. It's a bargain, +cousin. We're a pair, if ever there was one.' + +This gallant speech was succeeded by a confused noise of kissing and +slapping; and then the fair but much dishevelled Merry broke away, and +followed in the footsteps of her sister. + +Now whether Mr Pecksniff had been listening--which in one of his +character appears impossible; or divined almost by inspiration what the +matter was--which, in a man of his sagacity is far more probable; or +happened by sheer good fortune to find himself in exactly the +right place, at precisely the right time--which, under the special +guardianship in which he lived might very reasonably happen; it is quite +certain that at the moment when the sisters came together in their own +room, he appeared at the chamber door. And a marvellous contrast it +was--they so heated, noisy, and vehement; he so calm, so self-possessed, +so cool and full of peace, that not a hair upon his head was stirred. + +'Children!' said Mr Pecksniff, spreading out his hands in wonder, but +not before he had shut the door, and set his back against it. 'Girls! +Daughters! What is this?' + +'The wretch; the apostate; the false, mean, odious villain; has before +my very face proposed to Mercy!' was his eldest daughter's answer. + +'Who has proposed to Mercy!' asked Mr Pecksniff. + +'HE has. That thing, Jonas, downstairs.' + +'Jonas proposed to Mercy?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Aye, aye! Indeed!' + +'Have you nothing else to say?' cried Charity. 'Am I to be driven mad, +papa? He has proposed to Mercy, not to me.' + +'Oh, fie! For shame!' said Mr Pecksniff, gravely. 'Oh, for shame! Can +the triumph of a sister move you to this terrible display, my child? Oh, +really this is very sad! I am sorry; I am surprised and hurt to see +you so. Mercy, my girl, bless you! See to her. Ah, envy, envy, what a +passion you are!' + +Uttering this apostrophe in a tone full of grief and lamentation, Mr +Pecksniff left the room (taking care to shut the door behind him), +and walked downstairs into the parlour. There he found his intended +son-in-law, whom he seized by both hands. + +'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Jonas! the dearest wish of my heart is now +fulfilled!' + +'Very well; I'm glad to hear it,' said Jonas. 'That'll do. I say! As +it ain't the one you're so fond of, you must come down with another +thousand, Pecksniff. You must make it up five. It's worth that, to keep +your treasure to yourself, you know. You get off very cheap that way, +and haven't a sacrifice to make.' + +The grin with which he accompanied this, set off his other attractions +to such unspeakable advantage, that even Mr Pecksniff lost his presence +of mind for a moment, and looked at the young man as if he were quite +stupefied with wonder and admiration. But he quickly regained his +composure, and was in the very act of changing the subject, when a hasty +step was heard without, and Tom Pinch, in a state of great excitement, +came darting into the room. + +On seeing a stranger there, apparently engaged with Mr Pecksniff in +private conversation, Tom was very much abashed, though he still looked +as if he had something of great importance to communicate, which would +be a sufficient apology for his intrusion. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, 'this is hardly decent. You will excuse my +saying that I think your conduct scarcely decent, Mr Pinch.' + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' replied Tom, 'for not knocking at the door.' + +'Rather beg this gentleman's pardon, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'I know +you; he does not.--My young man, Mr Jonas.' + +The son-in-law that was to be gave him a slight nod--not actively +disdainful or contemptuous, only passively; for he was in a good humour. + +'Could I speak a word with you, sir, if you please?' said Tom. 'It's +rather pressing.' + +'It should be very pressing to justify this strange behaviour, Mr +Pinch,' returned his master. 'Excuse me for one moment, my dear friend. +Now, sir, what is the reason of this rough intrusion?' + +'I am very sorry, sir, I am sure,' said Tom, standing, cap in hand, +before his patron in the passage; 'and I know it must have a very rude +appearance--' + +'It HAS a very rude appearance, Mr Pinch.' + +'Yes, I feel that, sir; but the truth is, I was so surprised to see +them, and knew you would be too, that I ran home very fast indeed, and +really hadn't enough command over myself to know what I was doing very +well. I was in the church just now, sir, touching the organ for my own +amusement, when I happened to look round, and saw a gentleman and lady +standing in the aisle listening. They seemed to be strangers, sir, as +well as I could make out in the dusk; and I thought I didn't know +them; so presently I left off, and said, would they walk up into the +organ-loft, or take a seat? No, they said, they wouldn't do that; but +they thanked me for the music they had heard. In fact,' observed Tom, +blushing, 'they said, "Delicious music!" at least, SHE did; and I am +sure that was a greater pleasure and honour to me than any compliment I +could have had. I--I--beg your pardon sir;' he was all in a tremble, and +dropped his hat for the second time 'but I--I'm rather flurried, and I +fear I've wandered from the point.' + +'If you will come back to it, Thomas,' said Mr Pecksniff, with an icy +look, 'I shall feel obliged.' + +'Yes, sir,' returned Tom, 'certainly. They had a posting carriage at the +porch, sir, and had stopped to hear the organ, they said. And then they +said--SHE said, I mean, "I believe you live with Mr Pecksniff, sir?" I +said I had that honour, and I took the liberty, sir,' added Tom, raising +his eyes to his benefactor's face, 'of saying, as I always will and +must, with your permission, that I was under great obligations to you, +and never could express my sense of them sufficiently.' + +'That,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'was very, very wrong. Take your time, Mr +Pinch.' + +'Thank you, sir,' cried Tom. 'On that they asked me--she asked, I +mean--"Wasn't there a bridle road to Mr Pecksniff's house?"' + +Mr Pecksniff suddenly became full of interest. + +'"Without going by the Dragon?" When I said there was, and said how +happy I should be to show it 'em, they sent the carriage on by the road, +and came with me across the meadows. I left 'em at the turnstile to run +forward and tell you they were coming, and they'll be here, sir, in--in +less than a minute's time, I should say,' added Tom, fetching his breath +with difficulty. + +'Now, who,' said Mr Pecksniff, pondering, 'who may these people be?' + +'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, 'I meant to mention that at first, I +thought I had. I knew them--her, I mean--directly. The gentleman who +was ill at the Dragon, sir, last winter; and the young lady who attended +him.' + +Tom's teeth chattered in his head, and he positively staggered with +amazement, at witnessing the extraordinary effect produced on Mr +Pecksniff by these simple words. The dread of losing the old man's +favour almost as soon as they were reconciled, through the mere fact +of having Jonas in the house; the impossibility of dismissing Jonas, +or shutting him up, or tying him hand and foot and putting him in +the coal-cellar, without offending him beyond recall; the horrible +discordance prevailing in the establishment, and the impossibility of +reducing it to decent harmony with Charity in loud hysterics, Mercy in +the utmost disorder, Jonas in the parlour, and Martin Chuzzlewit and his +young charge upon the very doorsteps; the total hopelessness of being +able to disguise or feasibly explain this state of rampant confusion; +the sudden accumulation over his devoted head of every complicated +perplexity and entanglement for his extrication from which he had +trusted to time, good fortune, chance, and his own plotting, so filled +the entrapped architect with dismay, that if Tom could have been a +Gorgon staring at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff could have been a +Gorgon staring at Tom, they could not have horrified each other half so +much as in their own bewildered persons. + +'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'what have I done? I hoped it would be a +pleasant surprise, sir. I thought you would like to know.' + +But at that moment a loud knocking was heard at the hall door. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE + +MORE AMERICAN EXPERIENCES, MARTIN TAKES A PARTNER, AND MAKES A PURCHASE. +SOME ACCOUNT OF EDEN, AS IT APPEARED ON PAPER. ALSO OF THE BRITISH LION. +ALSO OF THE KIND OF SYMPATHY PROFESSED AND ENTERTAINED BY THE WATERTOAST +ASSOCIATION OF UNITED SYMPATHISERS + + +The knocking at Mr Pecksniff's door, though loud enough, bore no +resemblance whatever to the noise of an American railway train at full +speed. It may be well to begin the present chapter with this frank +admission, lest the reader should imagine that the sounds now deafening +this history's ears have any connection with the knocker on Mr +Pecksniff's door, or with the great amount of agitation pretty equally +divided between that worthy man and Mr Pinch, of which its strong +performance was the cause. + +Mr Pecksniff's house is more than a thousand leagues away; and again +this happy chronicle has Liberty and Moral Sensibility for its high +companions. Again it breathes the blessed air of Independence; again it +contemplates with pious awe that moral sense which renders unto Ceasar +nothing that is his; again inhales that sacred atmosphere which was +the life of him--oh noble patriot, with many followers!--who dreamed of +Freedom in a slave's embrace, and waking sold her offspring and his own +in public markets. + +How the wheels clank and rattle, and the tram-road shakes, as the train +rushes on! And now the engine yells, as it were lashed and tortured like +a living labourer, and writhed in agony. A poor fancy; for steel and +iron are of infinitely greater account, in this commonwealth, than +flesh and blood. If the cunning work of man be urged beyond its power of +endurance, it has within it the elements of its own revenge; whereas +the wretched mechanism of the Divine Hand is dangerous with no such +property, but may be tampered with, and crushed, and broken, at the +driver's pleasure. Look at that engine! It shall cost a man more dollars +in the way of penalty and fine, and satisfaction of the outraged law, +to deface in wantonness that senseless mass of metal, than to take the +lives of twenty human creatures! Thus the stars wink upon the bloody +stripes; and Liberty pulls down her cap upon her eyes, and owns +Oppression in its vilest aspect, for her sister. + +The engine-driver of the train whose noise awoke us to the present +chapter was certainly troubled with no such reflections as these; nor is +it very probable that his mind was disturbed by any reflections at all. +He leaned with folded arms and crossed legs against the side of the +carriage, smoking; and, except when he expressed, by a grunt as short as +his pipe, his approval of some particularly dexterous aim on the part of +his colleague, the fireman, who beguiled his leisure by throwing logs +of wood from the tender at the numerous stray cattle on the line, he +preserved a composure so immovable, and an indifference so complete, +that if the locomotive had been a sucking-pig, he could not have been +more perfectly indifferent to its doings. Notwithstanding the tranquil +state of this officer, and his unbroken peace of mind, the train was +proceeding with tolerable rapidity; and the rails being but poorly laid, +the jolts and bumps it met with in its progress were neither slight nor +few. + +There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies' car, the +gentlemen's car, and the car for negroes; the latter painted black, as +an appropriate compliment to its company. Martin and Mark Tapley were +in the first, as it was the most comfortable; and, being far from full, +received other gentlemen who, like them, were unblessed by the society +of ladies of their own. They were seated side by side, and were engaged +in earnest conversation. + +'And so, Mark,' said Martin, looking at him with an anxious expression, +'and so you are glad we have left New York far behind us, are you?' + +'Yes, sir,' said Mark. 'I am. Precious glad.' + +'Were you not "jolly" there?' asked Martin. + +'On the contrairy, sir,' returned Mark. 'The jolliest week as ever I +spent in my life, was that there week at Pawkins's.' + +'What do you think of our prospects?' inquired Martin, with an air that +plainly said he had avoided the question for some time. + +'Uncommon bright, sir,' returned Mark. 'Impossible for a place to have +a better name, sir, than the Walley of Eden. No man couldn't think of +settling in a better place than the Walley of Eden. And I'm told,' added +Mark, after a pause, 'as there's lots of serpents there, so we shall +come out, quite complete and reg'lar.' + +So far from dwelling upon this agreeable piece of information with the +least dismay, Mark's face grew radiant as he called it to mind; so very +radiant, that a stranger might have supposed he had all his life been +yearning for the society of serpents, and now hailed with delight the +approaching consummation of his fondest wishes. + +'Who told you that?' asked Martin, sternly. + +'A military officer,' said Mark. + +'Confound you for a ridiculous fellow!' cried Martin, laughing heartily +in spite of himself. 'What military officer? You know they spring up in +every field.' + +'As thick as scarecrows in England, sir,' interposed Mark, 'which is a +sort of milita themselves, being entirely coat and wescoat, with a stick +inside. Ha, ha!--Don't mind me, sir; it's my way sometimes. I can't help +being jolly. Why it was one of them inwading conquerors at Pawkins's, as +told me. "Am I rightly informed," he says--not exactly through his nose, +but as if he'd got a stoppage in it, very high up--"that you're a-going +to the Walley of Eden?" "I heard some talk on it," I told him. "Oh!" +says he, "if you should ever happen to go to bed there--you MAY, you +know," he says, "in course of time as civilisation progresses--don't +forget to take a axe with you." I looks at him tolerable hard. "Fleas?" +says I. "And more," says he. "Wampires?" says I. "And more," says he. +"Musquitoes, perhaps?" says I. "And more," says he. "What more?" says +I. "Snakes more," says he; "rattle-snakes. You're right to a certain +extent, stranger. There air some catawampous chawers in the small way +too, as graze upon a human pretty strong; but don't mind THEM--they're +company. It's snakes," he says, "as you'll object to; and whenever you +wake and see one in a upright poster on your bed," he says, "like a +corkscrew with the handle off a-sittin' on its bottom ring, cut him +down, for he means wenom."' + +'Why didn't you tell me this before!' cried Martin, with an expression +of face which set off the cheerfulness of Mark's visage to great +advantage. + +'I never thought on it, sir,' said Mark. 'It come in at one ear, and +went out at the other. But Lord love us, he was one of another Company, +I dare say, and only made up the story that we might go to his Eden, and +not the opposition one.' + +'There's some probability in that,' observed Martin. 'I can honestly say +that I hope so, with all my heart.' + +'I've not a doubt about it, sir,' returned Mark, who, full of the +inspiriting influence of the anecodote upon himself, had for the moment +forgotten its probable effect upon his master; 'anyhow, we must live, +you know, sir.' + +'Live!' cried Martin. 'Yes, it's easy to say live; but if we should +happen not to wake when rattlesnakes are making corkscrews of themselves +upon our beds, it may be not so easy to do it.' + +'And that's a fact,' said a voice so close in his ear that it tickled +him. 'That's dreadful true.' + +Martin looked round, and found that a gentleman, on the seat behind, had +thrust his head between himself and Mark, and sat with his chin resting +on the back rail of their little bench, entertaining himself with their +conversation. He was as languid and listless in his looks as most of the +gentlemen they had seen; his cheeks were so hollow that he seemed to be +always sucking them in; and the sun had burnt him, not a wholesome red +or brown, but dirty yellow. He had bright dark eyes, which he kept half +closed; only peeping out of the corners, and even then with a glance +that seemed to say, 'Now you won't overreach me; you want to, but you +won't.' His arms rested carelessly on his knees as he leant forward; +in the palm of his left hand, as English rustics have their slice of +cheese, he had a cake of tobacco; in his right a penknife. He struck +into the dialogue with as little reserve as if he had been specially +called in, days before, to hear the arguments on both sides, and favour +them with his opinion; and he no more contemplated or cared for the +possibility of their not desiring the honour of his acquaintance or +interference in their private affairs than if he had been a bear or a +buffalo. + +'That,' he repeated, nodding condescendingly to Martin, as to an outer +barbarian and foreigner, 'is dreadful true. Darn all manner of vermin.' + +Martin could not help frowning for a moment, as if he were disposed to +insinuate that the gentleman had unconsciously 'darned' himself. But +remembering the wisdom of doing at Rome as Romans do, he smiled with the +pleasantest expression he could assume upon so short a notice. + +Their new friend said no more just then, being busily employed in +cutting a quid or plug from his cake of tobacco, and whistling softly to +himself the while. When he had shaped it to his liking, he took out his +old plug, and deposited the same on the back of the seat between Mark +and Martin, while he thrust the new one into the hollow of his cheek, +where it looked like a large walnut, or tolerable pippin. Finding it +quite satisfactory, he stuck the point of his knife into the old plug, +and holding it out for their inspection, remarked with the air of a man +who had not lived in vain, that it was 'used up considerable.' Then +he tossed it away; put his knife into one pocket and his tobacco into +another; rested his chin upon the rail as before; and approving of the +pattern on Martin's waistcoat, reached out his hand to feel the texture +of that garment. + +'What do you call this now?' he asked. + +'Upon my word' said Martin, 'I don't know what it's called.' + +'It'll cost a dollar or more a yard, I reckon?' + +'I really don't know.' + +'In my country,' said the gentleman, 'we know the cost of our own +pro-duce.' + +Martin not discussing the question, there was a pause. + +'Well!' resumed their new friend, after staring at them intently during +the whole interval of silence; 'how's the unnat'ral old parent by this +time?' + +Mr Tapley regarding this inquiry as only another version of the +impertinent English question, 'How's your mother?' would have resented +it instantly, but for Martin's prompt interposition. + +'You mean the old country?' he said. + +'Ah!' was the reply. 'How's she? Progressing back'ards, I expect, as +usual? Well! How's Queen Victoria?' + +'In good health, I believe,' said Martin. + +'Queen Victoria won't shake in her royal shoes at all, when she hears +to-morrow named,' observed the stranger, 'No.' + +'Not that I am aware of. Why should she?' + +'She won't be taken with a cold chill, when she realises what is being +done in these diggings,' said the stranger. 'No.' + +'No,' said Martin. 'I think I could take my oath of that.' + +The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance or +prejudice, and said: + +'Well, sir, I tell you this--there ain't a engine with its biler +bust, in God A'mighty's free U-nited States, so fixed, and nipped, +and frizzled to a most e-tarnal smash, as that young critter, in her +luxurious location in the Tower of London will be, when she reads the +next double-extra Watertoast Gazette.' + +Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round during +the foregoing dialogue. They were highly delighted with this speech. One +very lank gentleman, in a loose limp white cravat, long white waistcoat, +and a black great-coat, who seemed to be in authority among them, felt +called upon to acknowledge it. + +'Hem! Mr La Fayette Kettle,' he said, taking off his hat. + +There was a grave murmur of 'Hush!' + +'Mr La Fayette Kettle! Sir!' + +Mr Kettle bowed. + +'In the name of this company, sir, and in the name of our common +country, and in the name of that righteous cause of holy sympathy in +which we are engaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name of +the Watertoast Sympathisers; and I thank you, sir, in the name of +the Watertoast Gazette; and I thank you, sir, in the name of the +star-spangled banner of the Great United States, for your eloquent and +categorical exposition. And if, sir,' said the speaker, poking Martin +with the handle of his umbrella to bespeak his attention, for he was +listening to a whisper from Mark; 'if, sir, in such a place, and at such +a time, I might venture to con-clude with a sentiment, glancing--however +slantin'dicularly--at the subject in hand, I would say, sir, may +the British Lion have his talons eradicated by the noble bill of the +American Eagle, and be taught to play upon the Irish Harp and the Scotch +Fiddle that music which is breathed in every empty shell that lies upon +the shores of green Co-lumbia!' + +Here the lank gentleman sat down again, amidst a great sensation; and +every one looked very grave. + +'General Choke,' said Mr La Fayette Kettle, 'you warm my heart; sir, you +warm my heart. But the British Lion is not unrepresented here, sir; and +I should be glad to hear his answer to those remarks.' + +'Upon my word,' cried Martin, laughing, 'since you do me the honour to +consider me his representative, I have only to say that I never heard +of Queen Victoria reading the What's-his-name Gazette and that I should +scarcely think it probable.' + +General Choke smiled upon the rest, and said, in patient and benignant +explanation: + +'It is sent to her, sir. It is sent to her. Her mail.' + +'But if it is addressed to the Tower of London, it would hardly come to +hand, I fear,' returned Martin; 'for she don't live there.' + +'The Queen of England, gentlemen,' observed Mr Tapley, affecting the +greatest politeness, and regarding them with an immovable face, 'usually +lives in the Mint to take care of the money. She HAS lodgings, in virtue +of her office, with the Lord Mayor at the Mansion House; but don't often +occupy them, in consequence of the parlour chimney smoking.' + +'Mark,' said Martin, 'I shall be very much obliged to you if you'll +have the goodness not to interfere with preposterous statements, however +jocose they may appear to you. I was merely remarking gentlemen--though +it's a point of very little import--that the Queen of England does not +happen to live in the Tower of London.' + +'General!' cried Mr La Fayette Kettle. 'You hear?' + +'General!' echoed several others. 'General!' + +'Hush! Pray, silence!' said General Choke, holding up his hand, and +speaking with a patient and complacent benevolence that was quite +touching. 'I have always remarked it as a very extraordinary +circumstance, which I impute to the natur' of British Institutions and +their tendency to suppress that popular inquiry and information which +air so widely diffused even in the trackless forests of this vast +Continent of the Western Ocean; that the knowledge of Britishers +themselves on such points is not to be compared with that possessed +by our intelligent and locomotive citizens. This is interesting, and +confirms my observation. When you say, sir,' he continued, addressing +Martin, 'that your Queen does not reside in the Tower of London, you +fall into an error, not uncommon to your countrymen, even when their +abilities and moral elements air such as to command respect. But, sir, +you air wrong. She DOES live there--' + +'When she is at the Court of Saint James's,' interposed Kettle. + +'When she is at the Court of Saint James's, of course,' returned the +General, in the same benignant way; 'for if her location was in Windsor +Pavilion it couldn't be in London at the same time. Your Tower of +London, sir,' pursued the General, smiling with a mild consciousness of +his knowledge, 'is nat'rally your royal residence. Being located in +the immediate neighbourhood of your Parks, your Drives, your Triumphant +Arches, your Opera, and your Royal Almacks, it nat'rally suggests +itself as the place for holding a luxurious and thoughtless court. +And, consequently,' said the General, 'consequently, the court is held +there.' + +'Have you been in England?' asked Martin. + +'In print I have, sir,' said the General, 'not otherwise. We air a +reading people here, sir. You will meet with much information among us +that will surprise you, sir.' + +'I have not the least doubt of it,' returned Martin. But here he was +interrupted by Mr La Fayette Kettle, who whispered in his ear: + +'You know General Choke?' + +'No,' returned Martin, in the same tone. + +'You know what he is considered?' + +'One of the most remarkable men in the country?' said Martin, at a +venture. + +'That's a fact,' rejoined Kettle. 'I was sure you must have heard of +him!' + +'I think,' said Martin, addressing himself to the General again, 'that +I have the pleasure of being the bearer of a letter of introduction to +you, sir. From Mr Bevan, of Massachusetts,' he added, giving it to him. + +The General took it and read it attentively; now and then stopping to +glance at the two strangers. When he had finished the note, he came over +to Martin, sat down by him, and shook hands. + +'Well!' he said, 'and you think of settling in Eden?' + +'Subject to your opinion, and the agent's advice,' replied Martin. 'I am +told there is nothing to be done in the old towns.' + +'I can introduce you to the agent, sir,' said the General. 'I know him. +In fact, I am a member of the Eden Land Corporation myself.' + +This was serious news to Martin, for his friend had laid great stress +upon the General's having no connection, as he thought, with any land +company, and therefore being likely to give him disinterested advice. +The General explained that he had joined the Corporation only a few +weeks ago, and that no communication had passed between himself and Mr +Bevan since. + +'We have very little to venture,' said Martin anxiously--'only a +few pounds--but it is our all. Now, do you think that for one of my +profession, this would be a speculation with any hope or chance in it?' + +'Well,' observed the General, gravely, 'if there wasn't any hope or +chance in the speculation, it wouldn't have engaged my dollars, I +opinionate.' + +'I don't mean for the sellers,' said Martin. 'For the buyers--for the +buyers!' + +'For the buyers, sir?' observed the General, in a most impressive +manner. 'Well! you come from an old country; from a country, sir, that +has piled up golden calves as high as Babel, and worshipped 'em for +ages. We are a new country, sir; man is in a more primeval state here, +sir; we have not the excuse of having lapsed in the slow course of time +into degenerate practices; we have no false gods; man, sir, here, is man +in all his dignity. We fought for that or nothing. Here am I, sir,' +said the General, setting up his umbrella to represent himself, and a +villanous-looking umbrella it was; a very bad counter to stand for the +sterling coin of his benevolence, 'here am I with grey hairs sir, and +a moral sense. Would I, with my principles, invest capital in this +speculation if I didn't think it full of hopes and chances for my +brother man?' + +Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York, and found it +difficult. + +'What are the Great United States for, sir,' pursued the General 'if not +for the regeneration of man? But it is nat'ral in you to make such an +enquerry, for you come from England, and you do not know my country.' + +'Then you think,' said Martin, 'that allowing for the hardships we are +prepared to undergo, there is a reasonable--Heaven knows we don't expect +much--a reasonable opening in this place?' + +'A reasonable opening in Eden, sir! But see the agent, see the agent; +see the maps and plans, sir; and conclude to go or stay, according to +the natur' of the settlement. Eden hadn't need to go a-begging yet, +sir,' remarked the General. + +'It is an awful lovely place, sure-ly. And frightful wholesome, +likewise!' said Mr Kettle, who had made himself a party to this +conversation as a matter of course. + +Martin felt that to dispute such testimony, for no better reason +than because he had his secret misgivings on the subject, would be +ungentlemanly and indecent. So he thanked the General for his promise to +put him in personal communication with the agent; and 'concluded' to see +that officer next morning. He then begged the General to inform him who +the Watertoast Sympathisers were, of whom he had spoken in addressing Mr +La Fayette Kettle, and on what grievances they bestowed their Sympathy. +To which the General, looking very serious, made answer, that he might +fully enlighten himself on those points to-morrow by attending a Great +Meeting of the Body, which would then be held at the town to which +they were travelling; 'over which, sir,' said the General, 'my +fellow-citizens have called on me to preside.' + +They came to their journey's end late in the evening. Close to the +railway was an immense white edifice, like an ugly hospital, on which +was painted 'NATIONAL HOTEL.' There was a wooden gallery or verandah +in front, in which it was rather startling, when the train stopped, to +behold a great many pairs of boots and shoes, and the smoke of a +great many cigars, but no other evidences of human habitation. By slow +degrees, however, some heads and shoulders appeared, and connecting +themselves with the boots and shoes, led to the discovery that certain +gentlemen boarders, who had a fancy for putting their heels where the +gentlemen boarders in other countries usually put their heads, were +enjoying themselves after their own manner in the cool of the evening. + +There was a great bar-room in this hotel, and a great public room +in which the general table was being set out for supper. There were +interminable whitewashed staircases, long whitewashed galleries upstairs +and downstairs, scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and a four-sided +verandah to every story in the house, which formed a large brick square +with an uncomfortable courtyard in the centre, where some clothes were +drying. Here and there, some yawning gentlemen lounged up and down with +their hands in their pockets; but within the house and without, wherever +half a dozen people were collected together, there, in their looks, +dress, morals, manners, habits, intellect, and conversation, were Mr +Jefferson Brick, Colonel Diver, Major Pawkins, General Choke, and Mr +La Fayette Kettle, over, and over, and over again. They did the same +things; said the same things; judged all subjects by, and reduced all +subjects to, the same standard. Observing how they lived, and how they +were always in the enchanting company of each other, Martin even began +to comprehend their being the social, cheerful, winning, airy men they +were. + +At the sounding of a dismal gong, this pleasant company went trooping +down from all parts of the house to the public room; while from the +neighbouring stores other guests came flocking in, in shoals; for half +the town, married folks as well as single, resided at the National +Hotel. Tea, coffee, dried meats, tongue, ham, pickles, cake, toast, +preserves, and bread and butter, were swallowed with the usual ravaging +speed; and then, as before, the company dropped off by degrees, and +lounged away to the desk, the counter, or the bar-room. The ladies had a +smaller ordinary of their own, to which their husbands and brothers +were admitted if they chose; and in all other respects they enjoyed +themselves as at Pawkins's. + +'Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of his +little chamber, 'we must hold a solemn council, for our fate is decided +to-morrow morning. You are determined to invest these savings of yours +in the common stock, are you?' + +'If I hadn't been determined to make that wentur, sir,' answered Mr +Tapley, 'I shouldn't have come.' + +'How much is there here, did you say' asked Martin, holding up a little +bag. + +'Thirty-seven pound ten and sixpence. The Savings' Bank said so at +least. I never counted it. But THEY know, bless you!' said Mark, with a +shake of the head expressive of his unbounded confidence in the wisdom +and arithmetic of those Institutions. + +'The money we brought with us,' said Martin, 'is reduced to a few +shillings less than eight pounds.' + +Mr Tapley smiled, and looked all manner of ways, that he might not be +supposed to attach any importance to this fact. + +'Upon the ring--HER ring, Mark,' said Martin, looking ruefully at his +empty finger-- + +'Ah!' sighed Mr Tapley. 'Beg your pardon, sir.' + +'--We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So, even with that, +your share of the stock is still very much the larger of the two you +see. Now, Mark,' said Martin, in his old way, just as he might have +spoken to Tom Pinch, 'I have thought of a means of making this up +to you--more than making it up to you, I hope--and very materially +elevating your prospects in life.' + +'Oh! don't talk of that, you know, sir,' returned Mark. 'I don't want no +elevating, sir. I'm all right enough, sir, I am.' + +'No, but hear me,' said Martin, 'because this is very important to you, +and a great satisfaction to me. Mark, you shall be a partner in the +business; an equal partner with myself. I will put in, as my additional +capital, my professional knowledge and ability; and half the annual +profits, as long as it is carried on, shall be yours.' + +Poor Martin! For ever building castles in the air. For ever, in his very +selfishness, forgetful of all but his own teeming hopes and sanguine +plans. Swelling, at that instant, with the consciousness of patronizing +and most munificently rewarding Mark! + +'I don't know, sir,' Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom was, +though from a very different cause than Martin supposed, 'what I can say +to this, in the way of thanking you. I'll stand by you, sir, to the best +of my ability, and to the last. That's all.' + +'We quite understand each other, my good fellow,' said Martin rising in +self-approval and condescension. 'We are no longer master and servant, +but friends and partners; and are mutually gratified. If we determine on +Eden, the business shall be commenced as soon as we get there. Under the +name,' said Martin, who never hammered upon an idea that wasn't red hot, +'under the name of Chuzzlewit and Tapley.' + +'Lord love you, sir,' cried Mark, 'don't have my name in it. I ain't +acquainted with the business, sir. I must be Co., I must. I've often +thought,' he added, in a low voice, 'as I should like to know a Co.; but +I little thought as ever I should live to be one.' + +'You shall have your own way, Mark.' + +'Thank'ee, sir. If any country gentleman thereabouts, in the public way, +or otherwise, wanted such a thing as a skittle-ground made, I could take +that part of the bis'ness, sir.' + +'Against any architect in the States,' said Martin. 'Get a couple of +sherry-cobblers, Mark, and we'll drink success to the firm.' + +Either he forgot already (and often afterwards), that they were no +longer master and servant, or considered this kind of duty to be among +the legitimate functions of the Co. But Mark obeyed with his usual +alacrity; and before they parted for the night, it was agreed between +them that they should go together to the agent's in the morning, but +that Martin should decide the Eden question, on his own sound judgment. +And Mark made no merit, even to himself in his jollity, of this +concession; perfectly well knowing that the matter would come to that in +the end, any way. + +The General was one of the party at the public table next day, and after +breakfast suggested that they should wait upon the agent without loss of +time. They, desiring nothing more, agreed; so off they all four +started for the office of the Eden Settlement, which was almost within +rifle-shot of the National Hotel. + +It was a small place--something like a turnpike. But a great deal of +land may be got into a dice-box, and why may not a whole territory be +bargained for in a shed? It was but a temporary office too; for the +Edeners were 'going' to build a superb establishment for the transaction +of their business, and had already got so far as to mark out the site. +Which is a great way in America. The office-door was wide open, and in +the doorway was the agent; no doubt a tremendous fellow to get through +his work, for he seemed to have no arrears, but was swinging backwards +and forwards in a rocking-chair, with one of his legs planted high up +against the door-post, and the other doubled up under him, as if he were +hatching his foot. + +He was a gaunt man in a huge straw hat, and a coat of green stuff. The +weather being hot, he had no cravat, and wore his shirt collar wide +open; so that every time he spoke something was seen to twitch and jerk +up in his throat, like the little hammers in a harpsichord when the +notes are struck. Perhaps it was the Truth feebly endeavouring to leap +to his lips. If so, it never reached them. + +Two grey eyes lurked deep within this agent's head, but one of them had +no sight in it, and stood stock still. With that side of his face he +seemed to listen to what the other side was doing. Thus each profile had +a distinct expression; and when the movable side was most in action, the +rigid one was in its coldest state of watchfulness. It was like +turning the man inside out, to pass to that view of his features in his +liveliest mood, and see how calculating and intent they were. + +Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any plummet +line; but rumpled tufts were on the arches of his eyes, as if the crow +whose foot was deeply printed in the corners had pecked and torn them in +a savage recognition of his kindred nature as a bird of prey. + +Such was the man whom they now approached, and whom the General saluted +by the name of Scadder. + +'Well, Gen'ral,' he returned, 'and how are you?' + +'Ac-tive and spry, sir, in my country's service and the sympathetic +cause. Two gentlemen on business, Mr Scadder.' + +He shook hands with each of them--nothing is done in America without +shaking hands--then went on rocking. + +'I think I know what bis'ness you have brought these strangers here +upon, then, Gen'ral?' + +'Well, sir. I expect you may.' + +'You air a tongue-y person, Gen'ral. For you talk too much, and that's +fact,' said Scadder. 'You speak a-larming well in public, but you didn't +ought to go ahead so fast in private. Now!' + +'If I can realise your meaning, ride me on a rail!' returned the +General, after pausing for consideration. + +'You know we didn't wish to sell the lots off right away to any loafer +as might bid,' said Scadder; 'but had con-cluded to reserve 'em for +Aristocrats of Natur'. Yes!' + +'And they are here, sir!' cried the General with warmth. 'They are here, +sir!' + +'If they air here,' returned the agent, in reproachful accents, 'that's +enough. But you didn't ought to have your dander ris with ME, Gen'ral.' + +The General whispered Martin that Scadder was the honestest fellow in +the world, and that he wouldn't have given him offence designedly, for +ten thousand dollars. + +'I do my duty; and I raise the dander of my feller critters, as I +wish to serve,' said Scadder in a low voice, looking down the road +and rocking still. 'They rile up rough, along of my objecting to their +selling Eden off too cheap. That's human natur'! Well!' + +'Mr Scadder,' said the General, assuming his oratorical deportment. +'Sir! Here is my hand, and here my heart. I esteem you, sir, and ask +your pardon. These gentlemen air friends of mine, or I would not have +brought 'em here, sir, being well aware, sir, that the lots at present +go entirely too cheap. But these air friends, sir; these air partick'ler +friends.' + +Mr Scadder was so satisfied by this explanation, that he shook the +General warmly by the hand, and got out of the rocking-chair to do it. +He then invited the General's particular friends to accompany him into +the office. As to the General, he observed, with his usual benevolence, +that being one of the company, he wouldn't interfere in the transaction +on any account; so he appropriated the rocking-chair to himself, and +looked at the prospect, like a good Samaritan waiting for a traveller. + +'Heyday!' cried Martin, as his eye rested on a great plan which occupied +one whole side of the office. Indeed, the office had little else in it, +but some geological and botanical specimens, one or two rusty ledgers, a +homely desk, and a stool. 'Heyday! what's that?' + +'That's Eden,' said Scadder, picking his teeth with a sort of young +bayonet that flew out of his knife when he touched a spring. + +'Why, I had no idea it was a city.' + +'Hadn't you? Oh, it's a city.' + +A flourishing city, too! An architectural city! There were banks, +churches, cathedrals, market-places, factories, hotels, stores, +mansions, wharves; an exchange, a theatre; public buildings of all +kinds, down to the office of the Eden Stinger, a daily journal; all +faithfully depicted in the view before them. + +'Dear me! It's really a most important place!' cried Martin turning +round. + +'Oh! it's very important,' observed the agent. + +'But, I am afraid,' said Martin, glancing again at the Public Buildings, +'that there's nothing left for me to do.' + +'Well! it ain't all built,' replied the agent. 'Not quite.' + +This was a great relief. + +'The market-place, now,' said Martin. 'Is that built?' + +'That?' said the agent, sticking his toothpick into the weathercock on +the top. 'Let me see. No; that ain't built.' + +'Rather a good job to begin with--eh, Mark?' whispered Martin nudging +him with his elbow. + +Mark, who, with a very stolid countenance had been eyeing the plan and +the agent by turns, merely rejoined 'Uncommon!' + +A dead silence ensued, Mr Scadder in some short recesses or vacations of +his toothpick, whistled a few bars of Yankee Doodle, and blew the dust +off the roof of the Theatre. + +'I suppose,' said Martin, feigning to look more narrowly at the plan, +but showing by his tremulous voice how much depended, in his mind, upon +the answer; 'I suppose there are--several architects there?' + +'There ain't a single one,' said Scadder. + +'Mark,' whispered Martin, pulling him by the sleeve, 'do you hear that? +But whose work is all this before us, then?' he asked aloud. + +'The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grows spontaneous, +perhaps,' said Mark. + +He was on the agent's dark side as he said it; but Scadder instantly +changed his place, and brought his active eye to bear upon him. + +'Feel of my hands, young man,' he said. + +'What for?' asked Mark, declining. + +'Air they dirty, or air they clean, sir?' said Scadder, holding them +out. + +In a physical point of view they were decidedly dirty. But it being +obvious that Mr Scadder offered them for examination in a figurative +sense, as emblems of his moral character, Martin hastened to pronounce +them pure as the driven snow. + +'I entreat, Mark,' he said, with some irritation, 'that you will +not obtrude remarks of that nature, which, however harmless and +well-intentioned, are quite out of place, and cannot be expected to be +very agreeable to strangers. I am quite surprised.' + +'The Co.'s a-putting his foot in it already,' thought Mark. 'He must be +a sleeping partner--fast asleep and snoring--Co. must; I see.' + +Mr Scadder said nothing, but he set his back against the plan, and +thrust his toothpick into the desk some twenty times; looking at Mark +all the while as if he were stabbing him in effigy. + +'You haven't said whose work it is,' Martin ventured to observe at +length, in a tone of mild propitiation. + +'Well, never mind whose work it is, or isn't,' said the agent sulkily. +'No matter how it did eventuate. P'raps he cleared off, handsome, with a +heap of dollars; p'raps he wasn't worth a cent. P'raps he was a loafin' +rowdy; p'raps a ring-tailed roarer. Now!' + +'All your doing, Mark!' said Martin. + +'P'raps,' pursued the agent, 'them ain't plants of Eden's raising. No! +P'raps that desk and stool ain't made from Eden lumber. No! P'raps no +end of squatters ain't gone out there. No! P'raps there ain't no such +location in the territoary of the Great U-nited States. Oh, no!' + +'I hope you're satisfied with the success of your joke, Mark,' said +Martin. + +But here, at a most opportune and happy time, the General interposed, +and called out to Scadder from the doorway to give his friends the +particulars of that little lot of fifty acres with the house upon it; +which, having belonged to the company formerly, had lately lapsed again +into their hands. + +'You air a deal too open-handed, Gen'ral,' was the answer. 'It is a lot +as should be rose in price. It is.' + +He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding, and always keeping his +bright side towards Mark, no matter at what amount of inconvenience +to himself, displayed a certain leaf for their perusal. Martin read it +greedily, and then inquired: + +'Now where upon the plan may this place be?' + +'Upon the plan?' said Scadder. + +'Yes.' + +He turned towards it, and reflected for a short time, as if, having +been put upon his mettle, he was resolved to be particular to the +very minutest hair's breadth of a shade. At length, after wheeling his +toothpick slowly round and round in the air, as if it were a carrier +pigeon just thrown up, he suddenly made a dart at the drawing, and +pierced the very centre of the main wharf, through and through. + +'There!' he said, leaving his knife quivering in the wall; 'that's where +it is!' + +Martin glanced with sparkling eyes upon his Co., and his Co. saw that +the thing was done. + +The bargain was not concluded as easily as might have been expected +though, for Scadder was caustic and ill-humoured, and cast much +unnecessary opposition in the way; at one time requesting them to think +of it, and call again in a week or a fortnight; at another, predicting +that they wouldn't like it; at another, offering to retract and let them +off, and muttering strong imprecations upon the folly of the General. +But the whole of the astoundingly small sum total of purchase-money--it +was only one hundred and fifty dollars, or something more than thirty +pounds of the capital brought by Co. into the architectural concern--was +ultimately paid down; and Martin's head was two inches nearer the roof +of the little wooden office, with the consciousness of being a landed +proprietor in the thriving city of Eden. + +'If it shouldn't happen to fit,' said Scadder, as he gave Martin the +necessary credentials on recepit of his money, 'don't blame me.' + +'No, no,' he replied merrily. 'We'll not blame you. General, are you +going?' + +'I am at your service, sir; and I wish you,' said the General, giving +him his hand with grave cordiality, 'joy of your po-ssession. You air +now, sir, a denizen of the most powerful and highly-civilised dominion +that has ever graced the world; a do-minion, sir, where man is bound to +man in one vast bond of equal love and truth. May you, sir, be worthy of +your a-dopted country!' + +Martin thanked him, and took leave of Mr Scadder; who had resumed his +post in the rocking-chair, immediately on the General's rising from it, +and was once more swinging away as if he had never been disturbed. +Mark looked back several times as they went down the road towards the +National Hotel, but now his blighted profile was towards them, and +nothing but attentive thoughtfulness was written on it. Strangely +different to the other side! He was not a man much given to laughing, +and never laughed outright; but every line in the print of the crow's +foot, and every little wiry vein in that division of his head, was +wrinkled up into a grin! The compound figure of Death and the Lady at +the top of the old ballad was not divided with a greater nicety, and +hadn't halves more monstrously unlike each other, than the two profiles +of Zephaniah Scadder. + +The General posted along at a great rate, for the clock was on the +stroke of twelve; and at that hour precisely, the Great Meeting of +the Watertoast Sympathisers was to be holden in the public room of the +National Hotel. Being very curious to witness the demonstration, and +know what it was all about, Martin kept close to the General; and, +keeping closer than ever when they entered the Hall, got by that means +upon a little platform of tables at the upper end; where an armchair was +set for the General, and Mr La Fayette Kettle, as secretary, was making +a great display of some foolscap documents. Screamers, no doubt. + +'Well, sir!' he said, as he shook hands with Martin, 'here is a +spectacle calc'lated to make the British Lion put his tail between his +legs, and howl with anguish, I expect!' + +Martin certainly thought it possible that the British Lion might have +been rather out of his element in that Ark; but he kept the idea to +himself. The General was then voted to the chair, on the motion of a +pallid lad of the Jefferson Brick school; who forthwith set in for a +high-spiced speech, with a good deal about hearths and homes in it, and +unriveting the chains of Tyranny. + +Oh but it was a clincher for the British Lion, it was! The indignation +of the glowing young Columbian knew no bounds. If he could only have +been one of his own forefathers, he said, wouldn't he have peppered +that same Lion, and been to him as another Brute Tamer with a wire whip, +teaching him lessons not easily forgotten. 'Lion! (cried that young +Columbian) where is he? Who is he? What is he? Show him to me. Let me +have him here. Here!' said the young Columbian, in a wrestling attitude, +'upon this sacred altar. Here!' cried the young Columbian, idealising +the dining-table, 'upon ancestral ashes, cemented with the glorious +blood poured out like water on our native plains of Chickabiddy Lick! +Bring forth that Lion!' said the young Columbian. 'Alone, I dare him! I +taunt that Lion. I tell that Lion, that Freedom's hand once twisted +in his mane, he rolls a corse before me, and the Eagles of the Great +Republic laugh ha, ha!' + +When it was found that the Lion didn't come, but kept out of the way; +that the young Columbian stood there, with folded arms, alone in his +glory; and consequently that the Eagles were no doubt laughing wildly on +the mountain tops; such cheers arose as might have shaken the hands upon +the Horse-Guards' clock, and changed the very mean time of the day in +England's capital. + +'Who is this?' Martin telegraphed to La Fayette. + +The Secretary wrote something, very gravely, on a piece of paper, +twisted it up, and had it passed to him from hand to hand. It was an +improvement on the old sentiment: 'Perhaps as remarkable a man as any in +our country.' + +This young Columbian was succeeded by another, to the full as eloquent +as he, who drew down storms of cheers. But both remarkable youths, +in their great excitement (for your true poetry can never stoop to +details), forgot to say with whom or what the Watertoasters sympathized, +and likewise why or wherefore they were sympathetic. Thus Martin +remained for a long time as completely in the dark as ever; until +at length a ray of light broke in upon him through the medium of the +Secretary, who, by reading the minutes of their past proceedings, +made the matter somewhat clearer. He then learned that the Watertoast +Association sympathized with a certain Public Man in Ireland, who held a +contest upon certain points with England; and that they did so, because +they didn't love England at all--not by any means because they loved +Ireland much; being indeed horribly jealous and distrustful of its +people always, and only tolerating them because of their working hard, +which made them very useful; labour being held in greater indignity in +the simple republic than in any other country upon earth. This +rendered Martin curious to see what grounds of sympathy the Watertoast +Association put forth; nor was he long in suspense, for the General +rose to read a letter to the Public Man, which with his own hands he had +written. + +'Thus,' said the General, 'thus, my friends and fellow-citizens, it +runs: + + +'"SIR--I address you on behalf of the Watertoast Association of United +Sympathisers. It is founded, sir, in the great republic of America! and +now holds its breath, and swells the blue veins in its forehead nigh to +bursting, as it watches, sir, with feverish intensity and sympathetic +ardour, your noble efforts in the cause of Freedom."' + + +At the name of Freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all the +Sympathisers roared aloud; cheering with nine times nine, and nine times +over. + + +'"In Freedom's name, sir--holy Freedom--I address you. In Freedom's +name, I send herewith a contribution to the funds of your society. +In Freedom's name, sir, I advert with indignation and disgust to that +accursed animal, with gore-stained whiskers, whose rampant cruelty and +fiery lust have ever been a scourge, a torment to the world. The naked +visitors to Crusoe's Island, sir; the flying wives of Peter Wilkins; the +fruit-smeared children of the tangled bush; nay, even the men of large +stature, anciently bred in the mining districts of Cornwall; alike +bear witness to its savage nature. Where, sir, are the Cormorans, +the Blunderbores, the Great Feefofums, named in History? All, all, +exterminated by its destroying hand. + +'"I allude, sir, to the British Lion. + +'"Devoted, mind and body, heart and soul, to Freedom, sir--to Freedom, +blessed solace to the snail upon the cellar-door, the oyster in his +pearly bed, the still mite in his home of cheese, the very winkle of +your country in his shelly lair--in her unsullied name, we offer you our +sympathy. Oh, sir, in this our cherished and our happy land, her fires +burn bright and clear and smokeless; once lighted up in yours, the lion +shall be roasted whole. + +'"I am, sir, in Freedom's name, + +'"Your affectionate friend and faithful Sympathiser, + +'"CYRUS CHOKE, + +'"General, U.S.M."' + + +It happened that just as the General began to read this letter, the +railroad train arrived, bringing a new mail from England; and a packet +had been handed in to the Secretary, which during its perusal and +the frequent cheerings in homage to freedom, he had opened. Now, its +contents disturbed him very much, and the moment the General sat down, +he hurried to his side, and placed in his hand a letter and several +printed extracts from English newspapers; to which, in a state of +infinite excitement, he called his immediate attention. + +The General, being greatly heated by his own composition, was in a +fit state to receive any inflammable influence; but he had no sooner +possessed himself of the contents of these documents, than a change came +over his face, involving such a huge amount of choler and passion, that +the noisy concourse were silent in a moment, in very wonder at the sight +of him. + +'My friends!' cried the General, rising; 'my friends and fellow +citizens, we have been mistaken in this man.' + +'In what man?' was the cry. + +'In this,' panted the General, holding up the letter he had read aloud +a few minutes before. 'I find that he has been, and is, the +advocate--consistent in it always too--of Nigger emancipation!' + +If anything beneath the sky be real, those Sons of Freedom would have +pistolled, stabbed--in some way slain--that man by coward hands and +murderous violence, if he had stood among them at that time. The most +confiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered then--no, nor +would they ever peril--one dunghill straw, upon the life of any man in +such a strait. They tore the letter, cast the fragments in the air, trod +down the pieces as they fell; and yelled, and groaned, and hissed, till +they could cry no longer. + +'I shall move,' said the General, when he could make himself heard, +'that the Watertoast Association of United Sympathisers be immediately +dissolved!' + +Down with it! Away with it! Don't hear of it! Burn its records! Pull the +room down! Blot it out of human memory! + +'But, my fellow-countrymen!' said the General, 'the contributions. We +have funds. What is to be done with the funds?' + +It was hastily resolved that a piece of plate should be presented to a +certain constitutional Judge, who had laid down from the Bench the noble +principle that it was lawful for any white mob to murder any black man; +and that another piece of plate, of similar value should be presented +to a certain Patriot, who had declared from his high place in the +Legislature, that he and his friends would hang without trial, any +Abolitionist who might pay them a visit. For the surplus, it was agreed +that it should be devoted to aiding the enforcement of those free and +equal laws, which render it incalculably more criminal and dangerous +to teach a negro to read and write than to roast him alive in a public +city. These points adjusted, the meeting broke up in great disorder, and +there was an end of the Watertoast Sympathy. + +As Martin ascended to his bedroom, his eye was attracted by the +Republican banner, which had been hoisted from the house-top in honour +of the occasion, and was fluttering before a window which he passed. + +'Tut!' said Martin. 'You're a gay flag in the distance. But let a man +be near enough to get the light upon the other side and see through you; +and you are but sorry fustian!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO + +FROM WHICH IT WILL BE SEEN THAT MARTIN BECAME A LION OF HIS OWN ACCOUNT. +TOGETHER WITH THE REASON WHY + + +As soon as it was generally known in the National Hotel, that the young +Englishman, Mr Chuzzlewit, had purchased a 'lo-cation' in the Valley +of Eden, and intended to betake himself to that earthly Paradise by the +next steamboat, he became a popular character. Why this should be, or +how it had come to pass, Martin no more knew than Mrs Gamp, of Kingsgate +Street, High Holborn, did; but that he was for the time being the lion, +by popular election, of the Watertoast community, and that his society +was in rather inconvenient request there could be no kind of doubt. + +The first notification he received of this change in his position, was +the following epistle, written in a thin running hand--with here and +there a fat letter or two, to make the general effect more striking--on +a sheet of paper, ruled with blue lines. + + +'NATIONAL HOTEL, + +'MONDAY MORNING. + +'Dear Sir--'When I had the privillidge of being your fellow-traveller +in the cars, the day before yesterday, you offered some remarks upon the +subject of the tower of London, which (in common with my fellow-citizens +generally) I could wish to hear repeated to a public audience. + +'As secretary to the Young Men's Watertoast Association of this town, +I am requested to inform you that the Society will be proud to hear +you deliver a lecture upon the Tower of London, at their Hall to-morrow +evening, at seven o'clock; and as a large issue of quarter-dollar +tickets may be expected, your answer and consent by bearer will be +considered obliging. + +'Dear Sir, + +'Yours truly, + +'LA FAYETTE KETTLE. + +'The Honourable M. Chuzzlewit. + +'P.S.--The Society would not be particular in limiting you to the Tower +of London. Permit me to suggest that any remarks upon the Elements of +Geology, or (if more convenient) upon the Writings of your talented and +witty countryman, the honourable Mr Miller, would be well received.' + + +Very much aghast at this invitation, Martin wrote back, civilly +declining it; and had scarcely done so, when he received another letter. + + +'No. 47, Bunker Hill Street, + +'Monday Morning. + +'(Private). + +'Sir--I was raised in those interminable solitudes where our mighty +Mississippi (or Father of Waters) rolls his turbid flood. + +'I am young, and ardent. For there is a poetry in wildness, and every +alligator basking in the slime is in himself an Epic, self-contained. I +aspirate for fame. It is my yearning and my thirst. + +'Are you, sir, aware of any member of Congress in England, who would +undertake to pay my expenses to that country, and for six months after +my arrival? + +'There is something within me which gives me the assurance that this +enlightened patronage would not be thrown away. In literature or art; +the bar, the pulpit, or the stage; in one or other, if not all, I feel +that I am certain to succeed. + +'If too much engaged to write to any such yourself, please let me have +a list of three or four of those most likely to respond, and I will +address them through the Post Office. May I also ask you to favour me +with any critical observations that have ever presented themselves to +your reflective faculties, on "Cain, a Mystery," by the Right Honourable +Lord Byron? + +'I am, Sir, + +'Yours (forgive me if I add, soaringly), + +'PUTNAM SMIF + +'P.S.--Address your answer to America Junior, Messrs. Hancock & Floby, +Dry Goods Store, as above.' + + +Both of which letters, together with Martin's reply to each, were, +according to a laudable custom, much tending to the promotion of +gentlemanly feeling and social confidence, published in the next number +of the Watertoast Gazette. + +He had scarcely got through this correspondence when Captain Kedgick, +the landlord, kindly came upstairs to see how he was getting on. The +Captain sat down upon the bed before he spoke; and finding it rather +hard, moved to the pillow. + +'Well, sir!' said the Captain, putting his hat a little more on one +side, for it was rather tight in the crown: 'You're quite a public man I +calc'late.' + +'So it seems,' retorted Martin, who was very tired. + +'Our citizens, sir,' pursued the Captain, 'intend to pay their respects +to you. You will have to hold a sort of le-vee, sir, while you're here.' + +'Powers above!' cried Martin, 'I couldn't do that, my good fellow!' + +'I reckon you MUST then,' said the Captain. + +'Must is not a pleasant word, Captain,' urged Martin. + +'Well! I didn't fix the mother language, and I can't unfix it,' said the +Captain coolly; 'else I'd make it pleasant. You must re-ceive. That's +all.' + +'But why should I receive people who care as much for me as I care for +them?' asked Martin. + +'Well! because I have had a muniment put up in the bar,' returned the +Captain. + +'A what?' cried Martin. + +'A muniment,' rejoined the Captain. + +Martin looked despairingly at Mark, who informed him that the +Captain meant a written notice that Mr Chuzzlewit would receive the +Watertoasters that day, at and after two o'clock which was in effect +then hanging in the bar, as Mark, from ocular inspection of the same, +could testify. + +'You wouldn't be unpop'lar, I know,' said the Captain, paring his nails. +'Our citizens an't long of riling up, I tell you; and our Gazette could +flay you like a wild cat.' + +Martin was going to be very wroth, but he thought better of it, and +said: + +'In Heaven's name let them come, then.' + +'Oh, THEY'll come,' returned the Captain. 'I have seen the big room +fixed a'purpose, with my eyes.' + +'But will you,' said Martin, seeing that the Captain was about to go; +'will you at least tell me this? What do they want to see me for? what +have I done? and how do they happen to have such a sudden interest in +me?' + +Captain Kedgick put a thumb and three fingers to each side of the +brim of his hat; lifted it a little way off his head; put it on again +carefully; passed one hand all down his face, beginning at the forehead +and ending at the chin; looked at Martin; then at Mark; then at Martin +again; winked, and walked out. + +'Upon my life, now!' said Martin, bringing his hand heavily upon the +table; 'such a perfectly unaccountable fellow as that, I never saw. +Mark, what do you say to this?' + +'Why, sir,' returned his partner, 'my opinion is that we must have got +to the MOST remarkable man in the country at last. So I hope there's an +end to the breed, sir.' + +Although this made Martin laugh, it couldn't keep off two o'clock. +Punctually, as the hour struck, Captain Kedgick returned to hand him +to the room of state; and he had no sooner got him safe there, than +he bawled down the staircase to his fellow-citizens below, that Mr +Chuzzlewit was 'receiving.' + +Up they came with a rush. Up they came until the room was full, and, +through the open door, a dismal perspective of more to come, was shown +upon the stairs. One after another, one after another, dozen after +dozen, score after score, more, more, more, up they came; all shaking +hands with Martin. Such varieties of hands, the thick, the thin, +the short, the long, the fat, the lean, the coarse, the fine; such +differences of temperature, the hot, the cold, the dry, the moist, +the flabby; such diversities of grasp, the tight, the loose, the +short-lived, and the lingering! Still up, up, up, more, more, more; and +ever and anon the Captain's voice was heard above the crowd--'There's +more below! there's more below. Now, gentlemen you that have been +introduced to Mr Chuzzlewit, will you clear gentlemen? Will you clear? +Will you be so good as clear, gentlemen, and make a little room for +more?' + +Regardless of the Captain's cries, they didn't clear at all, but stood +there, bolt upright and staring. Two gentlemen connected with the +Watertoast Gazette had come express to get the matter for an article on +Martin. They had agreed to divide the labour. One of them took him below +the waistcoat. One above. Each stood directly in front of his subject +with his head a little on one side, intent on his department. If Martin +put one boot before the other, the lower gentleman was down upon him; +he rubbed a pimple on his nose, and the upper gentleman booked it. He +opened his mouth to speak, and the same gentleman was on one knee before +him, looking in at his teeth, with the nice scrutiny of a dentist. +Amateurs in the physiognomical and phrenological sciences roved about +him with watchful eyes and itching fingers, and sometimes one, more +daring than the rest, made a mad grasp at the back of his head, and +vanished in the crowd. They had him in all points of view: in front, in +profile, three-quarter face, and behind. Those who were not professional +or scientific, audibly exchanged opinions on his looks. New lights shone +in upon him, in respect of his nose. Contradictory rumours were abroad +on the subject of his hair. And still the Captain's voice was heard--so +stifled by the concourse, that he seemed to speak from underneath a +feather-bed--exclaiming--'Gentlemen, you that have been introduced to Mr +Chuzzlewit, WILL you clear?' + +Even when they began to clear it was no better; for then a stream of +gentlemen, every one with a lady on each arm (exactly like the chorus +to the National Anthem when Royalty goes in state to the play), came +gliding in--every new group fresher than the last, and bent on staying +to the latest moment. If they spoke to him, which was not often, they +invariably asked the same questions, in the same tone; with no more +remorse, or delicacy, or consideration, than if he had been a figure of +stone, purchased, and paid for, and set up there for their delight. Even +when, in the slow course of time, these died off, it was as bad as ever, +if not worse; for then the boys grew bold, and came in as a class +of themselves, and did everything that the grown-up people had done. +Uncouth stragglers, too, appeared; men of a ghostly kind, who being in, +didn't know how to get out again; insomuch that one silent gentleman +with glazed and fishy eyes and only one button on his waistcoat (which +was a very large metal one, and shone prodigiously), got behind the +door, and stood there, like a clock, long after everybody else was gone. + +Martin felt, from pure fatigue, and heat, and worry, as if he could have +fallen on the ground and willingly remained there, if they would but +have had the mercy to leave him alone. But as letters and messages, +threatening his public denouncement if he didn't see the senders, poured +in like hail; and as more visitors came while he took his coffee by +himself; and as Mark, with all his vigilance, was unable to keep them +from the door; he resolved to go to bed--not that he felt at all sure +of bed being any protection, but that he might not leave a forlorn hope +untried. + +He had communicated this design to Mark, and was on the eve of escaping, +when the door was thrown open in a great hurry, and an elderly gentleman +entered; bringing with him a lady who certainly could not be considered +young--that was matter of fact; and probably could not be considered +handsome--but that was matter of opinion. She was very straight, very +tall, and not at all flexible in face or figure. On her head she wore a +great straw bonnet, with trimmings of the same, in which she looked as +if she had been thatched by an unskillful labourer; and in her hand she +held a most enormous fan. + +'Mr Chuzzlewit, I believe?' said the gentleman. + +'That is my name.' + +'Sir,' said the gentleman, 'I am pressed for time.' + +'Thank God!' thought Martin. + +'I go back Toe my home, sir,' pursued the gentleman, 'by the return +train, which starts immediate. Start is not a word you use in your +country, sir.' + +'Oh yes, it is,' said Martin. + +'You air mistaken, sir,' returned the gentleman, with great decision: +'but we will not pursue the subject, lest it should awake your +preju--dice. Sir, Mrs Hominy.' + +Martin bowed. + +'Mrs Hominy, sir, is the lady of Major Hominy, one of our chicest +spirits; and belongs Toe one of our most aristocratic families. You air, +p'raps, acquainted, sir, with Mrs Hominy's writings.' + +Martin couldn't say he was. + +'You have much Toe learn, and Toe enjoy, sir,' said the gentleman. +'Mrs Hominy is going Toe stay until the end of the Fall, sir, with her +married daughter at the settlement of New Thermopylae, three days this +side of Eden. Any attention, sir, that you can show Toe Mrs Hominy +upon the journey, will be very grateful Toe the Major and our +fellow-citizens. Mrs Hominy, I wish you good night, ma'am, and a +pleasant pro-gress on your route!' + +Martin could scarcely believe it; but he had gone, and Mrs Hominy was +drinking the milk. + +'A'most used-up I am, I do declare!' she observed. 'The jolting in +the cars is pretty nigh as bad as if the rail was full of snags and +sawyers.' + +'Snags and sawyers, ma'am?' said Martin. + +'Well, then, I do suppose you'll hardly realise my meaning, sir,' said +Mrs Hominy. 'My! Only think! DO tell!' + +It did not appear that these expressions, although they seemed to +conclude with an urgent entreaty, stood in need of any answer; for Mrs +Hominy, untying her bonnet-strings, observed that she would withdraw to +lay that article of dress aside, and would return immediately. + +'Mark!' said Martin. 'Touch me, will you. Am I awake?' + +'Hominy is, sir,' returned his partner--'Broad awake! Just the sort of +woman, sir, as would be discovered with her eyes wide open, and her mind +a-working for her country's good, at any hour of the day or night.' + +They had no opportunity of saying more, for Mrs Hominy stalked in +again--very erect, in proof of her aristocratic blood; and holding in +her clasped hands a red cotton pocket-handkerchief, perhaps a parting +gift from that choice spirit, the Major. She had laid aside her bonnet, +and now appeared in a highly aristocratic and classical cap, meeting +beneath her chin: a style of headdress so admirably adapted to her +countenance, that if the late Mr Grimaldi had appeared in the lappets of +Mrs Siddons, a more complete effect could not have been produced. + +Martin handed her to a chair. Her first words arrested him before he +could get back to his own seat. + +'Pray, sir!' said Mrs Hominy, 'where do you hail from?' + +'I am afraid I am dull of comprehension,' answered Martin, 'being +extremely tired; but upon my word I don't understand you.' + +Mrs Hominy shook her head with a melancholy smile that said, not +inexpressively, 'They corrupt even the language in that old country!' +and added then, as coming down a step or two to meet his low capacity, +'Where was you rose?' + +'Oh!' said Martin 'I was born in Kent.' + +'And how do you like our country, sir?' asked Mrs Hominy. + +'Very much indeed,' said Martin, half asleep. 'At least--that is--pretty +well, ma'am.' + +'Most strangers--and partick'larly Britishers--are much surprised by +what they see in the U-nited States,' remarked Mrs Hominy. + +'They have excellent reason to be so, ma'am,' said Martin. 'I never was +so much surprised in all my life.' + +'Our institutions make our people smart much, sir,' Mrs Hominy remarked. + +'The most short-sighted man could see that at a glance, with his naked +eye,' said Martin. + +Mrs Hominy was a philosopher and an authoress, and consequently had a +pretty strong digestion; but this coarse, this indecorous phrase, +was almost too much for her. For a gentleman sitting alone with a +lady--although the door WAS open--to talk about a naked eye! + +A long interval elapsed before even she--woman of masculine and towering +intellect though she was--could call up fortitude enough to resume the +conversation. But Mrs Hominy was a traveller. Mrs Hominy was a writer +of reviews and analytical disquisitions. Mrs Hominy had had her letters +from abroad, beginning 'My ever dearest blank,' and signed 'The Mother +of the Modern Gracchi' (meaning the married Miss Hominy), regularly +printed in a public journal, with all the indignation in capitals, and +all the sarcasm in italics. Mrs Hominy had looked on foreign countries +with the eye of a perfect republican hot from the model oven; and Mrs +Hominy could talk (or write) about them by the hour together. So Mrs +Hominy at last came down on Martin heavily, and as he was fast asleep, +she had it all her own way, and bruised him to her heart's content. + +It is no great matter what Mrs Hominy said, save that she had learnt it +from the cant of a class, and a large class, of her fellow countrymen, +who in their every word, avow themselves to be as senseless to the high +principles on which America sprang, a nation, into life, as any Orson in +her legislative halls. Who are no more capable of feeling, or of caring +if they did feel, that by reducing their own country to the ebb of +honest men's contempt, they put in hazard the rights of nations yet +unborn, and very progress of the human race, than are the swine who +wallow in their streets. Who think that crying out to other nations, +old in their iniquity, 'We are no worse than you!' (No worse!) is high +defence and 'vantage-ground enough for that Republic, but yesterday let +loose upon her noble course, and but to-day so maimed and lame, so full +of sores and ulcers, foul to the eye and almost hopeless to the sense, +that her best friends turn from the loathsome creature with disgust. +Who, having by their ancestors declared and won their Independence, +because they would not bend the knee to certain Public vices and +corruptions, and would not abrogate the truth, run riot in the Bad, +and turn their backs upon the Good; and lying down contented with the +wretched boast that other Temples also are of glass, and stones which +batter theirs may be flung back; show themselves, in that alone, as +immeasurably behind the import of the trust they hold, and as unworthy +to possess it as if the sordid hucksterings of all their little +governments--each one a kingdom in its small depravity--were brought +into a heap for evidence against them. + +Martin by degrees became so far awake, that he had a sense of a terrible +oppression on his mind; an imperfect dream that he had murdered a +particular friend, and couldn't get rid of the body. When his eyes +opened it was staring him full in the face. There was the horrible +Hominy talking deep truths in a melodious snuffle, and pouring forth her +mental endowments to such an extent that the Major's bitterest enemy, +hearing her, would have forgiven him from the bottom of his heart. +Martin might have done something desperate if the gong had not sounded +for supper; but sound it did most opportunely; and having stationed Mrs +Hominy at the upper end of the table he took refuge at the lower end +himself; whence, after a hasty meal he stole away, while the lady was +yet busied with dried beef and a saucer-full of pickled fixings. + +It would be difficult to give an adequate idea of Mrs Hominy's freshness +next day, or of the avidity with which she went headlong into moral +philosophy at breakfast. Some little additional degree of asperity, +perhaps, was visible in her features, but not more than the pickles +would have naturally produced. All that day she clung to Martin. She +sat beside him while he received his friends (for there was another +Reception, yet more numerous than the former), propounded theories, and +answered imaginary objections, so that Martin really began to think he +must be dreaming, and speaking for two; she quoted interminable passages +from certain essays on government, written by herself; used the Major's +pocket-handkerchief as if the snuffle were a temporary malady, of which +she was determined to rid herself by some means or other; and, in short, +was such a remarkable companion, that Martin quite settled it between +himself and his conscience, that in any new settlement it would be +absolutely necessary to have such a person knocked on the head for the +general peace of society. + +In the meantime Mark was busy, from early in the morning until late +at night, in getting on board the steamboat such provisions, tools and +other necessaries, as they had been forewarned it would be wise to take. +The purchase of these things, and the settlement of their bill at the +National, reduced their finances to so low an ebb, that if the captain +had delayed his departure any longer, they would have been in almost as +bad a plight as the unfortunate poorer emigrants, who (seduced on board +by solemn advertisement) had been living on the lower deck a whole week, +and exhausting their miserable stock of provisions before the voyage +commenced. There they were, all huddled together with the engine and the +fires. Farmers who had never seen a plough; woodmen who had never used +an axe; builders who couldn't make a box; cast out of their own land, +with not a hand to aid them: newly come into an unknown world, children +in helplessness, but men in wants--with younger children at their backs, +to live or die as it might happen! + +The morning came, and they would start at noon. Noon came, and they +would start at night. But nothing is eternal in this world; not even the +procrastination of an American skipper; and at night all was ready. + +Dispirited and weary to the last degree, but a greater lion than +ever (he had done nothing all the afternoon but answer letters from +strangers; half of them about nothing; half about borrowing money, and +all requiring an instantaneous reply), Martin walked down to the wharf, +through a concourse of people, with Mrs Hominy upon his arm; and went on +board. But Mark was bent on solving the riddle of this lionship, if he +could; and so, not without the risk of being left behind, ran back to +the hotel. + +Captain Kedgick was sitting in the colonnade, with a julep on his knee, +and a cigar in his mouth. He caught Mark's eye, and said: + +'Why, what the 'Tarnal brings you here?' + +'I'll tell you plainly what it is, Captain,' said Mark. 'I want to ask +you a question.' + +'A man may ASK a question, so he may,' returned Kedgick; strongly +implying that another man might not answer a question, so he mightn't. + +'What have they been making so much of him for, now?' said Mark, slyly. +'Come!' + +'Our people like ex-citement,' answered Kedgick, sucking his cigar. + +'But how has he excited 'em?' asked Mark. + +The Captain looked at him as if he were half inclined to unburden his +mind of a capital joke. + +'You air a-going?' he said. + +'Going!' cried Mark. 'Ain't every moment precious?' + +'Our people like ex-citement,' said the Captain, whispering. 'He ain't +like emigrants in gin'ral; and he excited 'em along of this;' he winked +and burst into a smothered laugh; 'along of this. Scadder is a smart +man, and--and--nobody as goes to Eden ever comes back alive!' + +The wharf was close at hand, and at that instant Mark could hear them +shouting out his name; could even hear Martin calling to him to make +haste, or they would be separated. It was too late to mend the matter, +or put any face upon it but the best. He gave the Captain a parting +benediction, and ran off like a race-horse. + +'Mark! Mark!' cried Martin. + +'Here am I, sir!' shouted Mark, suddenly replying from the edge of the +quay, and leaping at a bound on board. 'Never was half so jolly, sir. +All right. Haul in! Go ahead!' + +The sparks from the wood fire streamed upward from the two chimneys, as +if the vessel were a great firework just lighted; and they roared away +upon the dark water. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE + +MARTIN AND HIS PARTNER TAKE POSSESSION OF THEIR ESTATE. THE JOYFUL +OCCASION INVOLVES SOME FURTHER ACCOUNT OF EDEN + + +There happened to be on board the steamboat several gentlemen +passengers, of the same stamp as Martin's New York friend Mr Bevan; and +in their society he was cheerful and happy. They released him as well +as they could from the intellectual entanglements of Mrs Hominy; +and exhibited, in all they said and did, so much good sense and high +feeling, that he could not like them too well. 'If this were a republic +of Intellect and Worth,' he said, 'instead of vapouring and jobbing, +they would not want the levers to keep it in motion.' + +'Having good tools, and using bad ones,' returned Mr Tapley, 'would look +as if they was rather a poor sort of carpenters, sir, wouldn't it?' + +Martin nodded. 'As if their work were infinitely above their powers and +purpose, Mark; and they botched it in consequence.' + +'The best on it is,' said Mark, 'that when they do happen to make a +decent stroke; such as better workmen, with no such opportunities, make +every day of their lives and think nothing of--they begin to sing out +so surprising loud. Take notice of my words, sir. If ever the defaulting +part of this here country pays its debts--along of finding that not +paying 'em won't do in a commercial point of view, you see, and is +inconvenient in its consequences--they'll take such a shine out of it, +and make such bragging speeches, that a man might suppose no borrowed +money had ever been paid afore, since the world was first begun. That's +the way they gammon each other, sir. Bless you, I know 'em. Take notice +of my words, now!' + +'You seem to be growing profoundly sagacious!' cried Martin, laughing. + +'Whether that is,' thought Mark, 'because I'm a day's journey nearer +Eden, and am brightening up afore I die, I can't say. P'rhaps by the +time I get there I shall have growed into a prophet.' + +He gave no utterance to these sentiments; but the excessive joviality +they inspired within him, and the merriment they brought upon his +shining face, were quite enough for Martin. Although he might sometimes +profess to make light of his partner's inexhaustible cheerfulness, +and might sometimes, as in the case of Zephaniah Scadder, find him +too jocose a commentator, he was always sensible of the effect of his +example in rousing him to hopefulness and courage. Whether he were in +the humour to profit by it, mattered not a jot. It was contagious, and +he could not choose but be affected. + +At first they parted with some of their passengers once or twice a day, +and took in others to replace them. But by degrees, the towns upon their +route became more thinly scattered; and for many hours together they +would see no other habitations than the huts of the wood-cutters, where +the vessel stopped for fuel. Sky, wood, and water all the livelong day; +and heat that blistered everything it touched. + +On they toiled through great solitudes, where the trees upon the banks +grew thick and close; and floated in the stream; and held up shrivelled +arms from out the river's depths; and slid down from the margin of the +land, half growing, half decaying, in the miry water. On through the +weary day and melancholy night; beneath the burning sun, and in the mist +and vapour of the evening; on, until return appeared impossible, and +restoration to their home a miserable dream. + +They had now but few people on board, and these few were as flat, as +dull, and stagnant, as the vegetation that oppressed their eyes. No +sound of cheerfulness or hope was heard; no pleasant talk beguiled +the tardy time; no little group made common cause against the full +depression of the scene. But that, at certain periods, they swallowed +food together from a common trough, it might have been old Charon's +boat, conveying melancholy shades to judgment. + +At length they drew near New Thermopylae; where, that same evening, Mrs +Hominy would disembark. A gleam of comfort sunk into Martin's bosom when +she told him this. Mark needed none; but he was not displeased. + +It was almost night when they came alongside the landing-place. A steep +bank with an hotel like a barn on the top of it; a wooden store or two; +and a few scattered sheds. + +'You sleep here to-night, and go on in the morning, I suppose, ma'am?' +said Martin. + +'Where should I go on to?' cried the mother of the modern Gracchi. + +'To New Thermopylae.' + +'My! ain't I there?' said Mrs Hominy. + +Martin looked for it all round the darkening panorama; but he couldn't +see it, and was obliged to say so. + +'Why that's it!' cried Mrs Hominy, pointing to the sheds just mentioned. + +'THAT!' exclaimed Martin. + +'Ah! that; and work it which way you will, it whips Eden,' said Mrs +Hominy, nodding her head with great expression. + +The married Miss Hominy, who had come on board with her husband, gave to +this statement her most unqualified support, as did that gentleman also. +Martin gratefully declined their invitation to regale himself at their +house during the half hour of the vessel's stay; and having escorted +Mrs Hominy and the red pocket-handkerchief (which was still on active +service) safely across the gangway, returned in a thoughtful mood to +watch the emigrants as they removed their goods ashore. + +Mark, as he stood beside him, glanced in his face from time to time; +anxious to discover what effect this dialogue had had upon him, and +not unwilling that his hopes should be dashed before they reached their +destination, so that the blow he feared might be broken in its fall. But +saving that he sometimes looked up quickly at the poor erections on the +hill, he gave him no clue to what was passing in his mind, until they +were again upon their way. + +'Mark,' he said then, 'are there really none but ourselves on board this +boat who are bound for Eden?' + +'None at all, sir. Most of 'em, as you know, have stopped short; and +the few that are left are going further on. What matters that! More room +there for us, sir.' + +'Oh, to be sure!' said Martin. 'But I was thinking--' and there he +paused. + +'Yes, sir?' observed Mark. + +'How odd it was that the people should have arranged to try their +fortune at a wretched hole like that, for instance, when there is such +a much better, and such a very different kind of place, near at hand, as +one may say.' + +He spoke in a tone so very different from his usual confidence, and with +such an obvious dread of Mark's reply, that the good-natured fellow was +full of pity. + +'Why, you know, sir,' said Mark, as gently as he could by any means +insinuate the observation, 'we must guard against being too sanguine. +There's no occasion for it, either, because we're determined to make the +best of everything, after we know the worst of it. Ain't we, sir?' + +Martin looked at him, but answered not a word. + +'Even Eden, you know, ain't all built,' said Mark. + +'In the name of Heaven, man,' cried Martin angrily, 'don't talk of Eden +in the same breath with that place. Are you mad? There--God forgive +me!--don't think harshly of me for my temper!' + +After that, he turned away, and walked to and fro upon the deck full two +hours. Nor did he speak again, except to say 'Good night,' until next +day; nor even then upon this subject, but on other topics quite foreign +to the purpose. + +As they proceeded further on their track, and came more and more towards +their journey's end, the monotonous desolation of the scene increased to +that degree, that for any redeeming feature it presented to their eyes, +they might have entered, in the body, on the grim domains of Giant +Despair. A flat morass, bestrewn with fallen timber; a marsh on which +the good growth of the earth seemed to have been wrecked and cast away, +that from its decomposing ashes vile and ugly things might rise; where +the very trees took the aspect of huge weeds, begotten of the slime +from which they sprung, by the hot sun that burnt them up; where fatal +maladies, seeking whom they might infect, came forth at night in misty +shapes, and creeping out upon the water, hunted them like spectres until +day; where even the blessed sun, shining down on festering elements +of corruption and disease, became a horror; this was the realm of Hope +through which they moved. + +At last they stopped. At Eden too. The waters of the Deluge might have +left it but a week before; so choked with slime and matted growth was +the hideous swamp which bore that name. + +There being no depth of water close in shore, they landed from the +vessel's boat, with all their goods beside them. There were a few +log-houses visible among the dark trees; the best, a cow-shed or a rude +stable; but for the wharves, the market-place, the public buildings-- + +'Here comes an Edener,' said Mark. 'He'll get us help to carry these +things up. Keep a good heart, sir. Hallo there!' + +The man advanced toward them through the thickening gloom, very slowly; +leaning on a stick. As he drew nearer, they observed that he was pale +and worn, and that his anxious eyes were deeply sunken in his head. His +dress of homespun blue hung about him in rags; his feet and head were +bare. He sat down on a stump half-way, and beckoned them to come to him. +When they complied, he put his hand upon his side as if in pain, and +while he fetched his breath stared at them, wondering. + +'Strangers!' he exclaimed, as soon as he could speak. + +'The very same,' said Mark. 'How are you, sir?' + +'I've had the fever very bad,' he answered faintly. 'I haven't stood +upright these many weeks. Those are your notions I see,' pointing to +their property. + +'Yes, sir,' said Mark, 'they are. You couldn't recommend us some one as +would lend a hand to help carry 'em up to the--to the town, could you, +sir?' + +'My eldest son would do it if he could,' replied the man; 'but today +he has his chill upon him, and is lying wrapped up in the blankets. My +youngest died last week.' + +'I'm sorry for it, governor, with all my heart,' said Mark, shaking him +by the hand. 'Don't mind us. Come along with me, and I'll give you an +arm back. The goods is safe enough, sir'--to Martin--'there ain't many +people about, to make away with 'em. What a comfort that is!' + +'No,' cried the man. 'You must look for such folk here,' knocking his +stick upon the ground, 'or yonder in the bush, towards the north. We've +buried most of 'em. The rest have gone away. Them that we have here, +don't come out at night.' + +'The night air ain't quite wholesome, I suppose?' said Mark. + +'It's deadly poison,' was the settler's answer. + +Mark showed no more uneasiness than if it had been commended to him as +ambrosia; but he gave the man his arm, and as they went along explained +to him the nature of their purchase, and inquired where it lay. Close to +his own log-house, he said; so close that he had used their dwelling +as a store-house for some corn; they must excuse it that night, but he +would endeavour to get it taken out upon the morrow. He then gave them +to understand, as an additional scrap of local chit-chat, that he had +buried the last proprietor with his own hands; a piece of information +which Mark also received without the least abatement of his equanimity. + +In a word, he conducted them to a miserable cabin, rudely constructed +of the trunks of trees; the door of which had either fallen down or +been carried away long ago; and which was consequently open to the +wild landscape and the dark night. Saving for the little store he had +mentioned, it was perfectly bare of all furniture; but they had left a +chest upon the landing-place, and he gave them a rude torch in lieu +of candle. This latter acquisition Mark planted in the earth, and then +declaring that the mansion 'looked quite comfortable,' hurried +Martin off again to help bring up the chest. And all the way to the +landing-place and back, Mark talked incessantly; as if he would infuse +into his partner's breast some faint belief that they had arrived under +the most auspicious and cheerful of all imaginable circumstances. + +But many a man who would have stood within a home dismantled, strong in +his passion and design of vengeance, has had the firmness of his +nature conquered by the razing of an air-built castle. When the log-hut +received them for the second time, Martin laid down upon the ground, and +wept aloud. + +'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mr Tapley, in great terror; 'Don't do that! +Don't do that, sir! Anything but that! It never helped man, woman, or +child, over the lowest fence yet, sir, and it never will. Besides its +being of no use to you, it's worse than of no use to me, for the least +sound of it will knock me flat down. I can't stand up agin it, sir. +Anything but that!' + +There is no doubt he spoke the truth, for the extraordinary alarm with +which he looked at Martin as he paused upon his knees before the chest, +in the act of unlocking it, to say these words, sufficiently confirmed +him. + +'I ask your forgiveness a thousand times, my dear fellow,' said Martin. +'I couldn't have helped it, if death had been the penalty.' + +'Ask my forgiveness!' said Mark, with his accustomed cheerfulness, as he +proceeded to unpack the chest. 'The head partner a-asking forgiveness of +Co., eh? There must be something wrong in the firm when that happens. I +must have the books inspected and the accounts gone over immediate. Here +we are. Everything in its proper place. Here's the salt pork. Here's the +biscuit. Here's the whiskey. Uncommon good it smells too. Here's the +tin pot. This tin pot's a small fortun' in itself! Here's the blankets. +Here's the axe. Who says we ain't got a first-rate fit out? I feel as if +I was a cadet gone out to Indy, and my noble father was chairman of the +Board of Directors. Now, when I've got some water from the stream afore +the door and mixed the grog,' cried Mark, running out to suit the action +to the word, 'there's a supper ready, comprising every delicacy of +the season. Here we are, sir, all complete. For what we are going to +receive, et cetrer. Lord bless you, sir, it's very like a gipsy party!' + +It was impossible not to take heart, in the company of such a man as +this. Martin sat upon the ground beside the box; took out his knife; and +ate and drank sturdily. + +'Now you see,' said Mark, when they had made a hearty meal; 'with your +knife and mine, I sticks this blanket right afore the door. Or where, in +a state of high civilization, the door would be. And very neat it looks. +Then I stops the aperture below, by putting the chest agin it. And very +neat THAT looks. Then there's your blanket, sir. Then here's mine. And +what's to hinder our passing a good night?' + +For all his light-hearted speaking, it was long before he slept himself. +He wrapped his blanket round him, put the axe ready to his hand, and lay +across the threshold of the door; too anxious and too watchful to close +his eyes. The novelty of their dreary situation, the dread of some +rapacious animal or human enemy, the terrible uncertainty of their means +of subsistence, the apprehension of death, the immense distance and the +hosts of obstacles between themselves and England, were fruitful sources +of disquiet in the deep silence of the night. Though Martin would have +had him think otherwise, Mark felt that he was waking also, and a prey +to the same reflections. This was almost worse than all, for if he began +to brood over their miseries instead of trying to make head against them +there could be little doubt that such a state of mind would powerfully +assist the influence of the pestilent climate. Never had the light of +day been half so welcome to his eyes, as when awaking from a fitful +doze, Mark saw it shining through the blanket in the doorway. + +He stole out gently, for his companion was sleeping now; and having +refreshed himself by washing in the river, where it snowed before the +door, took a rough survey of the settlement. There were not above a +score of cabins in the whole; half of these appeared untenanted; all +were rotten and decayed. The most tottering, abject, and forlorn among +them was called, with great propriety, the Bank, and National Credit +Office. It had some feeble props about it, but was settling deep down in +the mud, past all recovery. + +Here and there an effort had been made to clear the land, and something +like a field had been marked out, where, among the stumps and ashes of +burnt trees, a scanty crop of Indian corn was growing. In some quarters, +a snake or zigzag fence had been begun, but in no instance had it been +completed; and the felled logs, half hidden in the soil, lay mouldering +away. Three or four meagre dogs, wasted and vexed with hunger; some +long-legged pigs, wandering away into the woods in search of food; some +children, nearly naked, gazing at him from the huts; were all the living +things he saw. A fetid vapour, hot and sickening as the breath of an +oven, rose up from the earth, and hung on everything around; and as his +foot-prints sunk into the marshy ground, a black ooze started forth to +blot them out. + +Their own land was mere forest. The trees had grown so think and close +that they shouldered one another out of their places, and the weakest, +forced into shapes of strange distortion, languished like cripples. +The best were stunted, from the pressure and the want of room; and high +about the stems of all grew long rank grass, dank weeds, and frowsy +underwood; not divisible into their separate kinds, but tangled all +together in a heap; a jungle deep and dark, with neither earth nor water +at its roots, but putrid matter, formed of the pulpy offal of the two, +and of their own corruption. + +He went down to the landing-place where they had left their goods last +night; and there he found some half-dozen men--wan and forlorn to look +at, but ready enough to assist--who helped him to carry them to the +log-house. They shook their heads in speaking of the settlement, and had +no comfort to give him. Those who had the means of going away had all +deserted it. They who were left had lost their wives, their children, +friends, or brothers there, and suffered much themselves. Most of +them were ill then; none were the men they had been once. They frankly +offered their assistance and advice, and, leaving him for that time, +went sadly off upon their several tasks. + +Martin was by this time stirring; but he had greatly changed, even in +one night. He was very pale and languid; he spoke of pains and weakness +in his limbs, and complained that his sight was dim, and his voice +feeble. Increasing in his own briskness as the prospect grew more and +more dismal, Mark brought away a door from one of the deserted houses, +and fitted it to their own habitation; then went back again for a rude +bench he had observed, with which he presently returned in triumph; +and having put this piece of furniture outside the house, arranged the +notable tin pot and other such movables upon it, that it might represent +a dresser or a sideboard. Greatly satisfied with this arrangement, he +next rolled their cask of flour into the house and set it up on end in +one corner, where it served for a side-table. No better dining-table +could be required than the chest, which he solemnly devoted to that +useful service thenceforth. Their blankets, clothes, and the like, he +hung on pegs and nails. And lastly, he brought forth a great placard +(which Martin in the exultation of his heart had prepared with his own +hands at the National Hotel) bearing the inscription, CHUZZLEWIT & CO., +ARCHITECTS AND SURVEYORS, which he displayed upon the most conspicuous +part of the premises, with as much gravity as if the thriving city of +Eden had a real existence, and they expected to be overwhelmed with +business. + +'These here tools,' said Mark, bringing forward Martin's case of +instruments and sticking the compasses upright in a stump before the +door, 'shall be set out in the open air to show that we come provided. +And now, if any gentleman wants a house built, he'd better give his +orders, afore we're other ways bespoke.' + +Considering the intense heat of the weather, this was not a bad +morning's work; but without pausing for a moment, though he was +streaming at every pore, Mark vanished into the house again, and +presently reappeared with a hatchet; intent on performing some +impossibilities with that implement. + +'Here's ugly old tree in the way, sir,' he observed, 'which'll be all +the better down. We can build the oven in the afternoon. There never was +such a handy spot for clay as Eden is. That's convenient, anyhow.' + +But Martin gave him no answer. He had sat the whole time with his head +upon his hands, gazing at the current as it rolled swiftly by; thinking, +perhaps, how fast it moved towards the open sea, the high road to the +home he never would behold again. + +Not even the vigorous strokes which Mark dealt at the tree awoke him +from his mournful meditation. Finding all his endeavours to rouse him of +no use, Mark stopped in his work and came towards him. + +'Don't give in, sir,' said Mr Tapley. + +'Oh, Mark,' returned his friend, 'what have I done in all my life that +has deserved this heavy fate?' + +'Why, sir,' returned Mark, 'for the matter of that, everybody as is here +might say the same thing; many of 'em with better reason p'raps than +you or me. Hold up, sir. Do something. Couldn't you ease your mind, now, +don't you think, by making some personal obserwations in a letter to +Scadder?' + +'No,' said Martin, shaking his head sorrowfully: 'I am past that.' + +'But if you're past that already,' returned Mark, 'you must be ill, and +ought to be attended to.' + +'Don't mind me,' said Martin. 'Do the best you can for yourself. You'll +soon have only yourself to consider. And then God speed you home, and +forgive me for bringing you here! I am destined to die in this place. I +felt it the instant I set foot upon the shore. Sleeping or waking, Mark, +I dreamed it all last night.' + +'I said you must be ill,' returned Mark, tenderly, 'and now I'm sure of +it. A touch of fever and ague caught on these rivers, I dare say; but +bless you, THAT'S nothing. It's only a seasoning, and we must all be +seasoned, one way or another. That's religion that is, you know,' said +Mark. + +He only sighed and shook his head. + +'Wait half a minute,' said Mark cheerily, 'till I run up to one of our +neighbours and ask what's best to be took, and borrow a little of it to +give you; and to-morrow you'll find yourself as strong as ever again. I +won't be gone a minute. Don't give in while I'm away, whatever you do!' + +Throwing down his hatchet, he sped away immediately, but stopped when he +had got a little distance, and looked back; then hurried on again. + +'Now, Mr Tapley,' said Mark, giving himself a tremendous blow in the +chest by way of reviver, 'just you attend to what I've got to say. +Things is looking about as bad as they CAN look, young man. You'll not +have such another opportunity for showing your jolly disposition, my +fine fellow, as long as you live. And therefore, Tapley, Now's your time +to come out strong; or Never!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR + +REPORTS PROGRESS IN CERTAIN HOMELY MATTERS OF LOVE, HATRED, JEALOUSY, +AND REVENGE + + +'Hallo, Pecksniff!' cried Mr Jonas from the parlour. 'Isn't somebody +a-going to open that precious old door of yours?' + +'Immediately, Mr Jonas. Immediately.' + +'Ecod,' muttered the orphan, 'not before it's time neither. Whoever it +is, has knocked three times, and each one loud enough to wake the--' he +had such a repugnance to the idea of waking the Dead, that he stopped +even then with the words upon his tongue, and said, instead, 'the Seven +Sleepers.' + +'Immediately, Mr Jonas; immediately,' repeated Pecksniff. 'Thomas +Pinch'--he couldn't make up his mind, in his great agitation, whether to +call Tom his dear friend or a villain, so he shook his fist at him +PRO TEM--'go up to my daughters' room, and tell them who is here. Say, +Silence. Silence! Do you hear me, sir? + +'Directly, sir!' cried Tom, departing, in a state of much amazement, on +his errand. + +'You'll--ha, ha, ha!--you'll excuse me, Mr Jonas, if I close this door +a moment, will you?' said Pecksniff. 'This may be a professional call. +Indeed I am pretty sure it is. Thank you.' Then Mr Pecksniff, gently +warbling a rustic stave, put on his garden hat, seized a spade, and +opened the street door; calmly appearing on the threshold, as if he +thought he had, from his vineyard, heard a modest rap, but was not quite +certain. + +Seeing a gentleman and lady before him, he started back in as much +confusion as a good man with a crystal conscience might betray in mere +surprise. Recognition came upon him the next moment, and he cried: + +'Mr Chuzzlewit! Can I believe my eyes! My dear sir; my good sir! A +joyful hour, a happy hour indeed. Pray, my dear sir, walk in. You find +me in my garden-dress. You will excuse it, I know. It is an ancient +pursuit, gardening. Primitive, my dear sir. Or, if I am not mistaken, +Adam was the first of our calling. MY Eve, I grieve to say is no more, +sir; but'--here he pointed to his spade, and shook his head as if he +were not cheerful without an effort--'but I do a little bit of Adam +still.' + +He had by this time got them into the best parlour, where the portrait +by Spiller, and the bust by Spoker, were. + +'My daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'will be overjoyed. If I could feel +weary upon such a theme, I should have been worn out long ago, my dear +sir, by their constant anticipation of this happiness and their repeated +allusions to our meeting at Mrs Todgers's. Their fair young friend, +too,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'whom they so desire to know and love--indeed +to know her, is to love--I hope I see her well. I hope in saying, +"Welcome to my humble roof!" I find some echo in her own sentiments. +If features are an index to the heart, I have no fears of that. An +extremely engaging expression of countenance, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear +sir--very much so!' + +'Mary,' said the old man, 'Mr Pecksniff flatters you. But flattery from +him is worth the having. He is not a dealer in it, and it comes from his +heart. We thought Mr--' + +'Pinch,' said Mary. + +'Mr Pinch would have arrived before us, Pecksniff.' + +'He did arrive before you, my dear sir,' retorted Pecksniff, raising his +voice for the edification of Tom upon the stairs, 'and was about, I dare +say, to tell me of your coming, when I begged him first to knock at my +daughters' chamber, and inquire after Charity, my dear child, who is not +so well as I could wish. No,' said Mr Pecksniff, answering their looks, +'I am sorry to say, she is not. It is merely an hysterical affection; +nothing more, I am not uneasy. Mr Pinch! Thomas!' exclaimed Pecksniff, +in his kindest accents. 'Pray come in. I shall make no stranger of you. +Thomas is a friend of mine, of rather long-standing, Mr Chuzzlewit, you +must know.' + +'Thank you, sir,' said Tom. 'You introduce me very kindly, and speak of +me in terms of which I am very proud.' + +'Old Thomas!' cried his master, pleasantly 'God bless you!' + +Tom reported that the young ladies would appear directly, and that +the best refreshments which the house afforded were even then in +preparation, under their joint superintendence. While he was speaking, +the old man looked at him intently, though with less harshness than was +common to him; nor did the mutual embarrassment of Tom and the +young lady, to whatever cause he attributed it, seem to escape his +observation. + +'Pecksniff,' he said after a pause, rising and taking him aside towards +the window, 'I was much shocked on hearing of my brother's death. We +had been strangers for many years. My only comfort is that he must +have lived the happier and better man for having associated no hopes or +schemes with me. Peace to his memory! We were play-fellows once; and it +would have been better for us both if we had died then.' + +Finding him in this gentle mood, Mr Pecksniff began to see another way +out of his difficulties, besides the casting overboard of Jonas. + +'That any man, my dear sir, could possibly be the happier for not +knowing you,' he returned, 'you will excuse my doubting. But that Mr +Anthony, in the evening of his life, was happier in the affection of his +excellent son--a pattern, my dear sir, a pattern to all sons--and in the +care of a distant relation who, however lowly in his means of serving +him, had no bounds to his inclination; I can inform you.' + +'How's this?' said the old man. 'You are not a legatee?' + +'You don't,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a melancholy pressure of his hand, +'quite understand my nature yet, I find. No, sir, I am not a legatee. I +am proud to say I am not a legatee. I am proud to say that neither of my +children is a legatee. And yet, sir, I was with him at his own request. +HE understood me somewhat better, sir. He wrote and said, "I am sick. I +am sinking. Come to me!" I went to him. I sat beside his bed, sir, and +I stood beside his grave. Yes, at the risk of offending even you, I did +it, sir. Though the avowal should lead to our instant separation, and +to the severing of those tender ties between us which have recently been +formed, I make it. But I am not a legatee,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling +dispassionately; 'and I never expected to be a legatee. I knew better!' + +'His son a pattern!' cried old Martin. 'How can you tell me that? My +brother had in his wealth the usual doom of wealth, and root of misery. +He carried his corrupting influence with him, go where he would; and +shed it round him, even on his hearth. It made of his own child a +greedy expectant, who measured every day and hour the lessening distance +between his father and the grave, and cursed his tardy progress on that +dismal road.' + +'No!' cried Mr Pecksniff, boldly. 'Not at all, sir!' + +'But I saw that shadow in his house,' said Martin Chuzzlewit, 'the last +time we met, and warned him of its presence. I know it when I see it, do +I not? I, who have lived within it all these years!' + +'I deny it,' Mr Pecksniff answered, warmly. 'I deny it altogether. That +bereaved young man is now in this house, sir, seeking in change of scene +the peace of mind he has lost. Shall I be backward in doing justice to +that young man, when even undertakers and coffin-makers have been moved +by the conduct he has exhibited; when even mutes have spoken in his +praise, and the medical man hasn't known what to do with himself in +the excitement of his feelings! There is a person of the name of Gamp, +sir--Mrs Gamp--ask her. She saw Mr Jonas in a trying time. Ask HER, sir. +She is respectable, but not sentimental, and will state the fact. A line +addressed to Mrs Gamp, at the Bird Shop, Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, +London, will meet with every attention, I have no doubt. Let her be +examined, my good sir. Strike, but hear! Leap, Mr Chuzzlewit, but look! +Forgive me, my dear sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking both his hands, 'if +I am warm; but I am honest, and must state the truth.' + +In proof of the character he gave himself, Mr Pecksniff suffered tears +of honesty to ooze out of his eyes. + +The old man gazed at him for a moment with a look of wonder, repeating +to himself, 'Here now! In this house!' But he mastered his surprise, and +said, after a pause: + +'Let me see him.' + +'In a friendly spirit, I hope?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Forgive me, sir but +he is in the receipt of my humble hospitality.' + +'I said,' replied the old man, 'let me see him. If I were disposed to +regard him in any other than a friendly spirit, I should have said keep +us apart.' + +'Certainly, my dear sir. So you would. You are frankness itself, I know. +I will break this happiness to him,' said Mr Pecksniff, as he left the +room, 'if you will excuse me for a minute--gently.' + +He paved the way to the disclosure so very gently, that a quarter of an +hour elapsed before he returned with Mr Jonas. In the meantime the young +ladies had made their appearance, and the table had been set out for the +refreshment of the travellers. + +Now, however well Mr Pecksniff, in his morality, had taught Jonas the +lesson of dutiful behaviour to his uncle, and however perfectly Jonas, +in the cunning of his nature, had learnt it, that young man's bearing, +when presented to his father's brother, was anything but manly or +engaging. Perhaps, indeed, so singular a mixture of defiance and +obsequiousness, of fear and hardihood, of dogged sullenness and an +attempt at enraging and propitiation, never was expressed in any one +human figure as in that of Jonas, when, having raised his downcast +eyes to Martin's face, he let them fall again, and uneasily closing +and unclosing his hands without a moment's intermission, stood swinging +himself from side to side, waiting to be addressed. + +'Nephew,' said the old man. 'You have been a dutiful son, I hear.' + +'As dutiful as sons in general, I suppose,' returned Jonas, looking up +and down once more. 'I don't brag to have been any better than other +sons; but I haven't been any worse, I dare say.' + +'A pattern to all sons, I am told,' said the old man, glancing towards +Mr Pecksniff. + +'Ecod!' said Jonas, looking up again for a moment, and shaking his head, +'I've been as good a son as ever you were a brother. It's the pot and +the kettle, if you come to that.' + +'You speak bitterly, in the violence of your regret,' said Martin, after +a pause. 'Give me your hand.' + +Jonas did so, and was almost at his ease. 'Pecksniff,' he whispered, +as they drew their chairs about the table; 'I gave him as good as he +brought, eh? He had better look at home, before he looks out of window, +I think?' + +Mr Pecksniff only answered by a nudge of the elbow, which might either +be construed into an indignant remonstrance or a cordial assent; but +which, in any case, was an emphatic admonition to his chosen son-in-law +to be silent. He then proceeded to do the honours of the house with his +accustomed ease and amiability. + +But not even Mr Pecksniff's guileless merriment could set such a +party at their ease, or reconcile materials so utterly discordant +and conflicting as those with which he had to deal. The unspeakable +jealously and hatred which that night's explanation had sown in +Charity's breast, was not to be so easily kept down; and more than +once it showed itself in such intensity, as seemed to render a full +disclosure of all the circumstances then and there, impossible to be +avoided. The beauteous Merry, too, with all the glory of her conquest +fresh upon her, so probed and lanced the rankling disappointment of her +sister by her capricious airs and thousand little trials of Mr Jonas's +obedience, that she almost goaded her into a fit of madness, and obliged +her to retire from table in a burst of passion, hardly less vehement +than that to which she had abandoned herself in the first tumult of her +wrath. The constraint imposed upon the family by the presence among +them for the first time of Mary Graham (for by that name old Martin +Chuzzlewit had introduced her) did not at all improve this state of +things; gentle and quiet though her manner was. Mr Pecksniff's situation +was peculiarly trying; for, what with having constantly to keep the +peace between his daughters; to maintain a reasonable show of affection +and unity in his household; to curb the growing ease and gaiety of +Jonas, which vented itself in sundry insolences towards Mr Pinch, and +an indefinable coarseness of manner in reference to Mary (they being the +two dependants); to make no mention at all of his having perpetually to +conciliate his rich old relative, and to smooth down, or explain +away, some of the ten thousand bad appearances and combinations of bad +appearances, by which they were surrounded on that unlucky evening--what +with having to do this, and it would be difficult to sum up how much +more, without the least relief or assistance from anybody, it may be +easily imagined that Mr Pecksniff had in his enjoyment something more +than that usual portion of alloy which is mixed up with the best of +men's delights. Perhaps he had never in his life felt such relief as +when old Martin, looking at his watch, announced that it was time to go. + +'We have rooms,' he said, 'at the Dragon, for the present. I have a +fancy for the evening walk. The nights are dark just now; perhaps Mr +Pinch would not object to light us home?' + +'My dear sir!' cried Pecksniff, 'I shall be delighted. Merry, my child, +the lantern.' + +'The lantern, if you please, my dear,' said Martin; 'but I couldn't +think of taking your father out of doors to-night; and, to be brief, I +won't.' + +Mr Pecksniff already had his hat in his hand, but it was so emphatically +said that he paused. + +'I take Mr Pinch, or go alone,' said Martin. 'Which shall it be?' + +'It shall be Thomas, sir,' cried Pecksniff, 'since you are so resolute +upon it. Thomas, my friend, be very careful, if you please.' + +Tom was in some need of this injunction, for he felt so nervous, and +trembled to such a degree, that he found it difficult to hold the +lantern. How much more difficult when, at the old man's bidding she drew +her hand through his--Tom Pinch's--arm! + +'And so, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, on the way, 'you are very comfortably +situated here; are you?' + +Tom answered, with even more than his usual enthusiasm, that he was +under obligations to Mr Pecksniff which the devotion of a lifetime would +but imperfectly repay. + +'How long have you known my nephew?' asked Martin. + +'Your nephew, sir?' faltered Tom. + +'Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit,' said Mary. + +'Oh dear, yes,' cried Tom, greatly relieved, for his mind was running +upon Martin. 'Certainly. I never spoke to him before to-night, sir!' + +'Perhaps half a lifetime will suffice for the acknowledgment of HIS +kindness,' observed the old man. + +Tom felt that this was a rebuff for him, and could not but understand it +as a left-handed hit at his employer. So he was silent. Mary felt that +Mr Pinch was not remarkable for presence of mind, and that he could not +say too little under existing circumstances. So SHE was silent. The +old man, disgusted by what in his suspicious nature he considered a +shameless and fulsome puff of Mr Pecksniff, which was a part of Tom's +hired service and in which he was determined to persevere, set him down +at once for a deceitful, servile, miserable fawner. So HE was silent. +And though they were all sufficiently uncomfortable, it is fair to say +that Martin was perhaps the most so; for he had felt kindly towards Tom +at first, and had been interested by his seeming simplicity. + +'You're like the rest,' he thought, glancing at the face of the +unconscious Tom. 'You had nearly imposed upon me, but you have lost +your labour. You are too zealous a toad-eater, and betray yourself, Mr +Pinch.' + +During the whole remainder of the walk, not another word was spoken. +First among the meetings to which Tom had long looked forward with +a beating heart, it was memorable for nothing but embarrassment +and confusion. They parted at the Dragon door; and sighing as he +extinguished the candle in the lantern, Tom turned back again over the +gloomy fields. + +As he approached the first stile, which was in a lonely part, made very +dark by a plantation of young firs, a man slipped past him and went on +before. Coming to the stile he stopped, and took his seat upon it. +Tom was rather startled, and for a moment stood still, but he stepped +forward again immediately, and went close up to him. + +It was Jonas; swinging his legs to and fro, sucking the head of a stick, +and looking with a sneer at Tom. + +'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, 'who would have thought of its being you! +You followed us, then?' + +'What's that to you?' said Jonas. 'Go to the devil!' + +'You are not very civil, I think,' remarked Tom. + +'Civil enough for YOU,' retorted Jonas. 'Who are you?' + +'One who has as good a right to common consideration as another,' said +Tom mildly. + +'You're a liar,' said Jonas. 'You haven't a right to any consideration. +You haven't a right to anything. You're a pretty sort of fellow to talk +about your rights, upon my soul! Ha, ha!--Rights, too!' + +'If you proceed in this way,' returned Tom, reddening, 'you will oblige +me to talk about my wrongs. But I hope your joke is over.' + +'It's the way with you curs,' said Mr Jonas, 'that when you know a man's +in real earnest, you pretend to think he's joking, so that you may turn +it off. But that won't do with me. It's too stale. Now just attend to me +for a bit, Mr Pitch, or Witch, or Stitch, or whatever your name is.' + +'My name is Pinch,' observed Tom. 'Have the goodness to call me by it.' + +'What! You mustn't even be called out of your name, mustn't you!' cried +Jonas. 'Pauper' prentices are looking up, I think. Ecod, we manage 'em a +little better in the city!' + +'Never mind what you do in the city,' said Tom. 'What have you got to +say to me?' + +'Just this, Mister Pinch,' retorted Jonas, thrusting his face so close +to Tom's that Tom was obliged to retreat a step. 'I advise you to keep +your own counsel, and to avoid title-tattle, and not to cut in where +you're not wanted. I've heard something of you, my friend, and your +meek ways; and I recommend you to forget 'em till I am married to one +of Pecksniff's gals, and not to curry favour among my relations, but +to leave the course clear. You know, when curs won't leave the course +clear, they're whipped off; so this is kind advice. Do you understand? +Eh? Damme, who are you,' cried Jonas, with increased contempt, 'that +you should walk home with THEM, unless it was behind 'em, like any other +servant out of livery?' + +'Come!' cried Tom, 'I see that you had better get off the stile, and let +me pursue my way home. Make room for me, if you please.' + +'Don't think it!' said Jonas, spreading out his legs. 'Not till I +choose. And I don't choose now. What! You're afraid of my making you +split upon some of your babbling just now, are you, Sneak?' + +'I am not afraid of many things, I hope,' said Tom; 'and certainly not +of anything that you will do. I am not a tale-bearer, and I despise all +meanness. You quite mistake me. Ah!' cried Tom, indignantly. 'Is this +manly from one in your position to one in mine? Please to make room for +me to pass. The less I say, the better.' + +'The less you say!' retorted Jonas, dangling his legs the more, and +taking no heed of this request. 'You say very little, don't you? Ecod, I +should like to know what goes on between you and a vagabond member of my +family. There's very little in that too, I dare say!' + +'I know no vagabond member of your family,' cried Tom, stoutly. + +'You do!' said Jonas. + +'I don't,' said Tom. 'Your uncle's namesake, if you mean him, is no +vagabond. Any comparison between you and him'--Tom snapped his fingers +at him, for he was rising fast in wrath--'is immeasurably to your +disadvantage.' + +'Oh indeed!' sneered Jonas. 'And what do you think of his deary--his +beggarly leavings, eh, Mister Pinch?' + +'I don't mean to say another word, or stay here another instant,' +replied Tom. + +'As I told you before, you're a liar,' said Jonas, coolly. 'You'll stay +here till I give you leave to go. Now, keep where you are, will you?' + +He flourished his stick over Tom's head; but in a moment it was spinning +harmlessly in the air, and Jonas himself lay sprawling in the ditch. In +the momentary struggle for the stick, Tom had brought it into violent +contact with his opponent's forehead; and the blood welled out profusely +from a deep cut on the temple. Tom was first apprised of this by seeing +that he pressed his handkerchief to the wounded part, and staggered as +he rose, being stunned. + +'Are you hurt?' said Tom. 'I am very sorry. Lean on me for a moment. +You can do that without forgiving me, if you still bear me malice. But I +don't know why; for I never offended you before we met on this spot.' + +He made him no answer; not appearing at first to understand him, or even +to know that he was hurt, though he several times took his handkerchief +from the cut to look vacantly at the blood upon it. After one of these +examinations, he looked at Tom, and then there was an expression in +his features, which showed that he understood what had taken place, and +would remember it. + +Nothing more passed between them as they went home. Jonas kept a little +in advance, and Tom Pinch sadly followed, thinking of the grief which +the knowledge of this quarrel must occasion his excellent benefactor. +When Jonas knocked at the door, Tom's heart beat high; higher when Miss +Mercy answered it, and seeing her wounded lover, shireked aloud; higher, +when he followed them into the family parlour; higher than at any other +time, when Jonas spoke. + +'Don't make a noise about it,' he said. 'It's nothing worth mentioning. +I didn't know the road; the night's very dark; and just as I came up +with Mr Pinch'--he turned his face towards Tom, but not his eyes--'I ran +against a tree. It's only skin deep.' + +'Cold water, Merry, my child!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Brown paper! +Scissors! A piece of old linen! Charity, my dear, make a bandage. Bless +me, Mr Jonas!' + +'Oh, bother YOUR nonsense,' returned the gracious son-in-law elect. 'Be +of some use if you can. If you can't, get out!' + +Miss Charity, though called upon to lend her aid, sat upright in one +corner, with a smile upon her face, and didn't move a finger. Though +Mercy laved the wound herself; and Mr Pecksniff held the patient's head +between his two hands, as if without that assistance it must inevitably +come in half; and Tom Pinch, in his guilty agitation, shook a bottle of +Dutch Drops until they were nothing but English Froth, and in his other +hand sustained a formidable carving-knife, really intended to reduce the +swelling, but apparently designed for the ruthless infliction of another +wound as soon as that was dressed; Charity rendered not the least +assistance, nor uttered a word. But when Mr Jonas's head was bound up, +and he had gone to bed, and everybody else had retired, and the house +was quiet, Mr Pinch, as he sat mournfully on his bedstead, ruminating, +heard a gentle tap at his door; and opening it, saw her, to his great +astonishment, standing before him with her finger on her lip. + +'Mr Pinch,' she whispered. 'Dear Mr Pinch! Tell me the truth! You did +that? There was some quarrel between you, and you struck him? I am sure +of it!' + +It was the first time she had ever spoken kindly to Tom, in all the many +years they had passed together. He was stupefied with amazement. + +'Was it so, or not?' she eagerly demanded. + +'I was very much provoked,' said Tom. + +'Then it was?' cried Charity, with sparkling eyes. + +'Ye-yes. We had a struggle for the path,' said Tom. 'But I didn't mean +to hurt him so much.' + +'Not so much!' she repeated, clenching her hand and stamping her foot, +to Tom's great wonder. 'Don't say that. It was brave of you. I honour +you for it. If you should ever quarrel again, don't spare him for the +world, but beat him down and set your shoe upon him. Not a word of this +to anybody. Dear Mr Pinch, I am your friend from tonight. I am always +your friend from this time.' + +She turned her flushed face upon Tom to confirm her words by its +kindling expression; and seizing his right hand, pressed it to her +breast, and kissed it. And there was nothing personal in this to render +it at all embarrassing, for even Tom, whose power of observation was by +no means remarkable, knew from the energy with which she did it that she +would have fondled any hand, no matter how bedaubed or dyed, that had +broken the head of Jonas Chuzzlewit. + +Tom went into his room, and went to bed, full of uncomfortable thoughts. +That there should be any such tremendous division in the family as he +knew must have taken place to convert Charity Pecksniff into his friend, +for any reason, but, above all, for that which was clearly the real one; +that Jonas, who had assailed him with such exceeding coarseness, should +have been sufficiently magnanimous to keep the secret of their quarrel; +and that any train of circumstances should have led to the commission of +an assault and battery by Thomas Pinch upon any man calling himself +the friend of Seth Pecksniff; were matters of such deep and painful +cogitation that he could not close his eyes. His own violence, in +particular, so preyed upon the generous mind of Tom, that coupling it +with the many former occasions on which he had given Mr Pecksniff pain +and anxiety (occasions of which that gentleman often reminded him), he +really began to regard himself as destined by a mysterious fate to be +the evil genius and bad angel of his patron. But he fell asleep at last, +and dreamed--new source of waking uneasiness--that he had betrayed his +trust, and run away with Mary Graham. + +It must be acknowledged that, asleep or awake, Tom's position in +reference to this young lady was full of uneasiness. The more he saw +of her, the more he admired her beauty, her intelligence, the amiable +qualities that even won on the divided house of Pecksniff, and in a +few days restored, at all events, the semblance of harmony and kindness +between the angry sisters. When she spoke, Tom held his breath, so +eagerly he listened; when she sang, he sat like one entranced. She +touched his organ, and from that bright epoch even it, the old companion +of his happiest hours, incapable as he had thought of elevation, began a +new and deified existence. + +God's love upon thy patience, Tom! Who, that had beheld thee, for three +summer weeks, poring through half the deadlong night over the jingling +anatomy of that inscrutable old harpsichord in the back parlour, could +have missed the entrance to thy secret heart: albeit it was dimly known +to thee? Who that had seen the glow upon thy cheek when leaning down to +listen, after hours of labour, for the sound of one incorrigible note, +thou foundest that it had a voice at last, and wheezed out a flat +something, distantly akin to what it ought to be, would not have known +that it was destined for no common touch, but one that smote, though +gently as an angel's hand, upon the deepest chord within thee! And if +a friendly glance--aye, even though it were as guileless as thine own, +Dear Tom--could have but pierced the twilight of that evening, when, in +a voice well tempered to the time, sad, sweet, and low, yet hopeful, she +first sang to the altered instrument, and wondered at the change; +and thou, sitting apart at the open window, kept a glad silence and a +swelling heart--must not that glance have read perforce the dawning of a +story, Tom, that it were well for thee had never been begun! + +Tom Pinch's situation was not made the less dangerous or difficult by +the fact of no one word passing between them in reference to Martin. +Honourably mindful of his promise, Tom gave her opportunities of all +kinds. Early and late he was in the church; in her favourite walks; in +the village, in the garden, in the meadows; and in any or all of these +places he might have spoken freely. But no; at all such times she +carefully avoided him, or never came in his way unaccompanied. It could +not be that she disliked or distrusted him, for by a thousand little +delicate means, too slight for any notice but his own, she singled +him out when others were present, and showed herself the very soul of +kindness. Could it be that she had broken with Martin, or had never +returned his affection, save in his own bold and heightened fancy? Tom's +cheek grew red with self-reproach as he dismissed the thought. + +All this time old Martin came and went in his own strange manner, or sat +among the rest absorbed within himself, and holding little intercourse +with any one. Although he was unsocial, he was not willful in other +things, or troublesome, or morose; being never better pleased than +when they left him quite unnoticed at his book, and pursued their own +amusements in his presence, unreserved. It was impossible to discern in +whom he took an interest, or whether he had an interest in any of them. +Unless they spoke to him directly, he never showed that he had ears or +eyes for anything that passed. + +One day the lively Merry, sitting with downcast eyes under a shady tree +in the churchyard, whither she had retired after fatiguing herself by +the imposition of sundry trials on the temper of Mr Jonas, felt that +a new shadow came between her and the sun. Raising her eyes in the +expectation of seeing her betrothed, she was not a little surprised to +see old Martin instead. Her surprise was not diminished when he took his +seat upon the turf beside her, and opened a conversation thus: + +'When are you to be married?' + +'Oh! dear Mr Chuzzlewit, my goodness me! I'm sure I don't know. Not yet +awhile, I hope.' + +'You hope?' said the old man. + +It was very gravely said, but she took it for banter, and giggled +excessively. + +'Come!' said the old man, with unusual kindness, 'you are young, +good-looking, and I think good-natured! Frivolous you are, and love to +be, undoubtedly; but you must have some heart.' + +'I have not given it all away, I can tell you,' said Merry, nodding her +head shrewdly, and plucking up the grass. + +'Have you parted with any of it?' + +She threw the grass about, and looked another way, but said nothing. + +Martin repeated his question. + +'Lor, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit! really you must excuse me! How very odd you +are.' + +'If it be odd in me to desire to know whether you love the young man +whom I understand you are to marry, I AM very odd,' said Martin. 'For +that is certainly my wish.' + +'He's such a monster, you know,' said Merry, pouting. + +'Then you don't love him?' returned the old man. 'Is that your meaning?' + +'Why, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I'm sure I tell him a hundred times a day +that I hate him. You must have heard me tell him that.' + +'Often,' said Martin. + +'And so I do,' cried Merry. 'I do positively.' + +'Being at the same time engaged to marry him,' observed the old man. + +'Oh yes,' said Merry. 'But I told the wretch--my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I +told him when he asked me--that if I ever did marry him, it should only +be that I might hate and tease him all my life.' + +She had a suspicion that the old man regarded Jonas with anything but +favour, and intended these remarks to be extremely captivating. He did +not appear, however, to regard them in that light by any means; for when +he spoke again, it was in a tone of severity. + +'Look about you,' he said, pointing to the graves; 'and remember that +from your bridal hour to the day which sees you brought as low as these, +and laid in such a bed, there will be no appeal against him. Think, and +speak, and act, for once, like an accountable creature. Is any control +put upon your inclinations? Are you forced into this match? Are you +insidiously advised or tempted to contract it, by any one? I will not +ask by whom; by any one?' + +'No,' said Merry, shrugging her shoulders. 'I don't know that I am.' + +'Don't know that you are! Are you?' + +'No,' replied Merry. 'Nobody ever said anything to me about it. If any +one had tried to make me have him, I wouldn't have had him at all.' + +'I am told that he was at first supposed to be your sister's admirer,' +said Martin. + +'Oh, good gracious! My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, it would be very hard to make +him, though he IS a monster, accountable for other people's vanity,' +said Merry. 'And poor dear Cherry is the vainest darling!' + +'It was her mistake, then?' + +'I hope it was,' cried Merry; 'but, all along, the dear child has been +so dreadfully jealous, and SO cross, that, upon my word and honour, it's +impossible to please her, and it's of no use trying.' + +'Not forced, persuaded, or controlled,' said Martin, thoughtfully. 'And +that's true, I see. There is one chance yet. You may have lapsed into +this engagement in very giddiness. It may have been the wanton act of a +light head. Is that so?' + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' simpered Merry, 'as to light-headedness, there +never was such a feather of a head as mine. It's perfect balloon, I +declare! You never DID, you know!' + +He waited quietly till she had finished, and then said, steadily +and slowly, and in a softened voice, as if he would still invite her +confidence: + +'Have you any wish--or is there anything within your breast that +whispers you may form the wish, if you have time to think--to be +released from this engagement?' + +Again Miss Merry pouted, and looked down, and plucked the grass, and +shrugged her shoulders. No. She didn't know that she had. She was pretty +sure she hadn't. Quite sure, she might say. She 'didn't mind it.' + +'Has it ever occurred to you,' said Martin, 'that your married life may +perhaps be miserable, full of bitterness, and most unhappy?' + +Merry looked down again; and now she tore the grass up by the roots. + +'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, what shocking words! Of course, I shall quarrel +with him. I should quarrel with any husband. Married people always +quarrel, I believe. But as to being miserable, and bitter, and all those +dreadful things, you know, why I couldn't be absolutely that, unless he +always had the best of it; and I mean to have the best of it myself. I +always do now,' cried Merry, nodding her head and giggling very much; +'for I make a perfect slave of the creature.' + +'Let it go on,' said Martin, rising. 'Let it go on! I sought to know +your mind, my dear, and you have shown it me. I wish you joy. Joy!' he +repeated, looking full upon her, and pointing to the wicket-gate where +Jonas entered at the moment. And then, without waiting for his nephew, +he passed out at another gate, and went away. + +'Oh, you terrible old man!' cried the facetious Merry to herself. 'What +a perfectly hideous monster to be wandering about churchyards in the +broad daylight, frightening people out of their wits! Don't come here, +Griffin, or I'll go away directly.' + +Mr Jonas was the Griffin. He sat down upon the grass at her side, in +spite of this warning, and sulkily inquired: + +'What's my uncle been a-talking about?' + +'About you,' rejoined Merry. 'He says you're not half good enough for +me.' + +'Oh, yes, I dare say! We all know that. He means to give you some +present worth having, I hope. Did he say anything that looked like it?' + +'THAT he didn't!' cried Merry, most decisively. + +'A stingy old dog he is,' said Jonas. 'Well?' + +'Griffin!' cried Miss Mercy, in counterfeit amazement; 'what are you +doing, Griffin?' + +'Only giving you a squeeze,' said the discomfited Jonas. 'There's no +harm in that, I suppose?' + +'But there is great deal of harm in it, if I don't consider it +agreeable,' returned his cousin. 'Do go along, will you? You make me so +hot!' + +Mr Jonas withdrew his arm, and for a moment looked at her more like a +murderer than a lover. But he cleared his brow by degrees, and broke +silence with: + +'I say, Mel!' + +'What do you say, you vulgar thing--you low savage?' cried his fair +betrothed. + +'When is it to be? I can't afford to go on dawdling about here half +my life, I needn't tell you, and Pecksniff says that father's being so +lately dead makes very little odds; for we can be married as quiet as we +please down here, and my being lonely is a good reason to the neighbours +for taking a wife home so soon, especially one that he knew. As to +crossbones (my uncle, I mean), he's sure not to put a spoke in the +wheel, whatever we settle on, for he told Pecksniff only this morning, +that if YOU liked it he'd nothing at all to say. So, Mel,' said Jonas, +venturing on another squeeze; 'when shall it be?' + +'Upon my word!' cried Merry. + +'Upon my soul, if you like,' said Jonas. 'What do you say to next week, +now?' + +'To next week! If you had said next quarter, I should have wondered at +your impudence.' + +'But I didn't say next quarter,' retorted Jonas. 'I said next week.' + +'Then, Griffin,' cried Miss Merry, pushing him off, and rising. 'I say +no! not next week. It shan't be till I choose, and I may not choose it +to be for months. There!' + +He glanced up at her from the ground, almost as darkly as he had looked +at Tom Pinch; but held his peace. + +'No fright of a Griffin with a patch over his eye shall dictate to me or +have a voice in the matter,' said Merry. 'There!' + +Still Mr Jonas held his peace. + +'If it's next month, that shall be the very earliest; but I won't say +when it shall be till to-morrow; and if you don't like that, it shall +never be at all,' said Merry; 'and if you follow me about and won't +leave me alone, it shall never be at all. There! And if you don't do +everything I order you to do, it shall never be at all. So don't follow +me. There, Griffin!' + +And with that, she skipped away, among the trees. + +'Ecod, my lady!' said Jonas, looking after her, and biting a piece +of straw, almost to powder; 'you'll catch it for this, when you ARE +married. It's all very well now--it keeps one on, somehow, and you know +it--but I'll pay you off scot and lot by-and-bye. This is a plaguey dull +sort of a place for a man to be sitting by himself in. I never could +abide a mouldy old churchyard.' + +As he turned into the avenue himself, Miss Merry, who was far ahead, +happened to look back. + +'Ah!' said Jonas, with a sullen smile, and a nod that was not addressed +to her. 'Make the most of it while it lasts. Get in your hay while the +sun shines. Take your own way as long as it's in your power, my lady!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE + +IS IN PART PROFESSIONAL, AND FURNISHES THE READER WITH SOME VALUABLE +HINTS IN RELATION TO THE MANAGEMENT OF A SICK CHAMBER + + +Mr Mould was surrounded by his household gods. He was enjoying the +sweets of domestic repose, and gazing on them with a calm delight. The +day being sultry, and the window open, the legs of Mr Mould were on the +window-seat, and his back reclined against the shutter. Over his shining +head a handkerchief was drawn, to guard his baldness from the flies. The +room was fragrant with the smell of punch, a tumbler of which grateful +compound stood upon a small round table, convenient to the hand of +Mr Mould; so deftly mixed that as his eye looked down into the cool +transparent drink, another eye, peering brightly from behind the crisp +lemon-peel, looked up at him, and twinkled like a star. + +Deep in the City, and within the ward of Cheap, stood Mr Mould's +establishment. His Harem, or, in other words, the common sitting room +of Mrs Mould and family, was at the back, over the little counting-house +behind the shop; abutting on a churchyard small and shady. In this +domestic chamber Mr Mould now sat; gazing, a placid man, upon his punch +and home. If, for a moment at a time, he sought a wider prospect, whence +he might return with freshened zest to these enjoyments, his moist +glance wandered like a sunbeam through a rural screen of scarlet +runners, trained on strings before the window, and he looked down, with +an artist's eye, upon the graves. + +The partner of his life, and daughters twain, were Mr Mould's +companions. Plump as any partridge was each Miss Mould, and Mrs M. +was plumper than the two together. So round and chubby were their fair +proportions, that they might have been the bodies once belonging to the +angels' faces in the shop below, grown up, with other heads attached +to make them mortal. Even their peachy cheeks were puffed out and +distended, as though they ought of right to be performing on celestial +trumpets. The bodiless cherubs in the shop, who were depicted as +constantly blowing those instruments for ever and ever without any +lungs, played, it is to be presumed, entirely by ear. + +Mr Mould looked lovingly at Mrs Mould, who sat hard by, and was a +helpmate to him in his punch as in all other things. Each seraph +daughter, too, enjoyed her share of his regards, and smiled upon him in +return. So bountiful were Mr Mould's possessions, and so large his +stock in trade, that even there, within his household sanctuary, stood +a cumbrous press, whose mahogany maw was filled with shrouds, and +winding-sheets, and other furniture of funerals. But, though the Misses +Mould had been brought up, as one may say, beneath his eye, it had cast +no shadow on their timid infancy or blooming youth. Sporting behind +the scenes of death and burial from cradlehood, the Misses Mould knew +better. Hat-bands, to them, were but so many yards of silk or crape; the +final robe but such a quantity of linen. The Misses Mould could idealise +a player's habit, or a court-lady's petticoat, or even an act of +parliament. But they were not to be taken in by palls. They made them +sometimes. + +The premises of Mr Mould were hard of hearing to the boisterous noises +in the great main streets, and nestled in a quiet corner, where the City +strife became a drowsy hum, that sometimes rose and sometimes fell and +sometimes altogether ceased; suggesting to a thoughtful mind a stoppage +in Cheapside. The light came sparkling in among the scarlet runners, +as if the churchyard winked at Mr Mould, and said, 'We understand +each other;' and from the distant shop a pleasant sound arose of +coffin-making with a low melodious hammer, rat, tat, tat, tat, alike +promoting slumber and digestion. + +'Quite the buzz of insects,' said Mr Mould, closing his eyes in a +perfect luxury. 'It puts one in mind of the sound of animated nature in +the agricultural districts. It's exactly like the woodpecker tapping.' + +'The woodpecker tapping the hollow ELM tree,' observed Mrs Mould, +adapting the words of the popular melody to the description of wood +commonly used in the trade. + +'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'Not at all bad, my dear. We shall be glad +to hear from you again, Mrs M. Hollow elm tree, eh! Ha, ha! Very good +indeed. I've seen worse than that in the Sunday papers, my love.' + +Mrs Mould, thus encouraged, took a little more of the punch, and handed +it to her daughters, who dutifully followed the example of their mother. + +'Hollow ELM tree, eh?' said Mr Mould, making a slight motion with his +legs in his enjoyment of the joke. 'It's beech in the song. Elm, eh? +Yes, to be sure. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul, that's one of the best things +I know?' He was so excessively tickled by the jest that he couldn't +forget it, but repeated twenty times, 'Elm, eh? Yes, to be sure. Elm, +of course. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my life, you know, that ought to be sent to +somebody who could make use of it. It's one of the smartest things that +ever was said. Hollow ELM tree, eh? of course. Very hollow. Ha, ha, ha!' + +Here a knock was heard at the room door. + +'That's Tacker, I know,' said Mrs Mould, 'by the wheezing he makes. Who +that hears him now, would suppose he'd ever had wind enough to carry the +feathers on his head! Come in, Tacker.' + +'Beg your pardon, ma'am,' said Tacker, looking in a little way. 'I +thought our Governor was here.' + +'Well! so he is,' cried Mould. + +'Oh! I didn't see you, I'm sure,' said Tacker, looking in a little +farther. 'You wouldn't be inclined to take a walking one of two, with +the plain wood and a tin plate, I suppose?' + +'Certainly not,' replied Mr Mould, 'much too common. Nothing to say to +it.' + +'I told 'em it was precious low,' observed Mr Tacker. + +'Tell 'em to go somewhere else. We don't do that style of business +here,' said Mr Mould. 'Like their impudence to propose it. Who is it?' + +'Why,' returned Tacker, pausing, 'that's where it is, you see. It's the +beadle's son-in-law.' + +'The beadle's son-in-law, eh?' said Mould. 'Well! I'll do it if the +beadle follows in his cocked hat; not else. We carry it off that way, by +looking official, but it'll be low enough, then. His cocked hat, mind!' + +'I'll take care, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'Oh! Mrs Gamp's below, and wants +to speak to you.' + +'Tell Mrs Gamp to come upstairs,' said Mould. 'Now Mrs Gamp, what's YOUR +news?' + +The lady in question was by this time in the doorway, curtseying to +Mrs Mould. At the same moment a peculiar fragrance was borne upon the +breeze, as if a passing fairy had hiccoughed, and had previously been to +a wine-vaults. + +Mrs Gamp made no response to Mr Mould, but curtseyed to Mrs Mould again, +and held up her hands and eyes, as in a devout thanksgiving that she +looked so well. She was neatly, but not gaudily attired, in the +weeds she had worn when Mr Pecksniff had the pleasure of making her +acquaintance; and was perhaps the turning of a scale more snuffy. + +'There are some happy creeturs,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'as time runs +back'ards with, and you are one, Mrs Mould; not that he need do nothing +except use you in his most owldacious way for years to come, I'm +sure; for young you are and will be. I says to Mrs Harris,' Mrs Gamp +continued, 'only t'other day; the last Monday evening fortnight as +ever dawned upon this Piljian's Projiss of a mortal wale; I says to Mrs +Harris when she says to me, "Years and our trials, Mrs Gamp, sets marks +upon us all."--"Say not the words, Mrs Harris, if you and me is to be +continual friends, for sech is not the case. Mrs Mould," I says, making +so free, I will confess, as use the name,' (she curtseyed here), '"is +one of them that goes agen the obserwation straight; and never, Mrs +Harris, whilst I've a drop of breath to draw, will I set by, and not +stand up, don't think it."--"I ast your pardon, ma'am," says Mrs Harris, +"and I humbly grant your grace; for if ever a woman lived as would see +her feller creeturs into fits to serve her friends, well do I know that +woman's name is Sairey Gamp."' + +At this point she was fain to stop for breath; and advantage may be +taken of the circumstance, to state that a fearful mystery surrounded +this lady of the name of Harris, whom no one in the circle of Mrs Gamp's +acquaintance had ever seen; neither did any human being know her place +of residence, though Mrs Gamp appeared on her own showing to be in +constant communication with her. There were conflicting rumours on the +subject; but the prevalent opinion was that she was a phantom of Mrs +Gamp's brain--as Messrs. Doe and Roe are fictions of the law--created +for the express purpose of holding visionary dialogues with her on all +manner of subjects, and invariably winding up with a compliment to the +excellence of her nature. + +'And likeways what a pleasure,' said Mrs Gamp, turning with a tearful +smile towards the daughters, 'to see them two young ladies as I know'd +afore a tooth in their pretty heads was cut, and have many a day +seen--ah, the sweet creeturs!--playing at berryins down in the shop, and +follerin' the order-book to its long home in the iron safe! But that's +all past and over, Mr Mould;' as she thus got in a carefully regulated +routine to that gentleman, she shook her head waggishly; 'That's all +past and over now, sir, an't it?' + +'Changes, Mrs Gamp, changes!' returned the undertaker. + +'More changes too, to come, afore we've done with changes, sir,' said +Mrs Gamp, nodding yet more waggishly than before. 'Young ladies with +such faces thinks of something else besides berryins, don't they, sir?' + +'I am sure I don't know, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with a chuckle--'Not bad +in Mrs Gamp, my dear?' + +'Oh yes, you do know, sir!' said Mrs Gamp, 'and so does Mrs Mould, +your 'ansome pardner too, sir; and so do I, although the blessing of a +daughter was deniged me; which, if we had had one, Gamp would certainly +have drunk its little shoes right off its feet, as with our precious boy +he did, and arterward send the child a errand to sell his wooden leg for +any money it would fetch as matches in the rough, and bring it home +in liquor; which was truly done beyond his years, for ev'ry individgle +penny that child lost at toss or buy for kidney ones; and come home +arterwards quite bold, to break the news, and offering to drown himself +if sech would be a satisfaction to his parents.--Oh yes, you do know, +sir,' said Mrs Gamp, wiping her eye with her shawl, and resuming the +thread of her discourse. 'There's something besides births and berryins +in the newspapers, an't there, Mr Mould?' + +Mr Mould winked at Mrs Mould, whom he had by this time taken on his +knee, and said: 'No doubt. A good deal more, Mrs Gamp. Upon my life, Mrs +Gamp is very far from bad, my dear!' + +'There's marryings, an't there, sir?' said Mrs Gamp, while both the +daughters blushed and tittered. 'Bless their precious hearts, and well +they knows it! Well you know'd it too, and well did Mrs Mould, when you +was at their time of life! But my opinion is, you're all of one age now. +For as to you and Mrs Mould, sir, ever having grandchildren--' + +'Oh! Fie, fie! Nonsense, Mrs Gamp,' replied the undertaker. 'Devilish +smart, though. Ca-pi-tal!'--this was in a whisper. 'My dear'--aloud +again--'Mrs Gamp can drink a glass of rum, I dare say. Sit down, Mrs +Gamp, sit down.' + +Mrs Gamp took the chair that was nearest the door, and casting up her +eyes towards the ceiling, feigned to be wholly insensible to the fact of +a glass of rum being in preparation, until it was placed in her hand by +one of the young ladies, when she exhibited the greatest surprise. + +'A thing,' she said, 'as hardly ever, Mrs Mould, occurs with me unless +it is when I am indispoged, and find my half a pint of porter settling +heavy on the chest. Mrs Harris often and often says to me, "Sairey +Gamp," she says, "you raly do amaze me!" "Mrs Harris," I says to her, +"why so? Give it a name, I beg." "Telling the truth then, ma'am," says +Mrs Harris, "and shaming him as shall be nameless betwixt you and me, +never did I think till I know'd you, as any woman could sick-nurse and +monthly likeways, on the little that you takes to drink." "Mrs Harris," +I says to her, "none on us knows what we can do till we tries; and +wunst, when me and Gamp kept 'ouse, I thought so too. But now," I says, +"my half a pint of porter fully satisfies; perwisin', Mrs Harris, that +it is brought reg'lar, and draw'd mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies, +ma'am, I hope I does my duty, but I am but a poor woman, and I earns my +living hard; therefore I DO require it, which I makes confession, to be +brought reg'lar and draw'd mild."' + +The precise connection between these observations and the glass of rum, +did not appear; for Mrs Gamp proposing as a toast 'The best of lucks +to all!' took off the dram in quite a scientific manner, without any +further remarks. + +'And what's your news, Mrs Gamp?' asked Mould again, as that lady wiped +her lips upon her shawl, and nibbled a corner off a soft biscuit, which +she appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision against contingent +drams. 'How's Mr Chuffey?' + +'Mr Chuffey, sir,' she replied, 'is jest as usual; he an't no better and +he an't no worse. I take it very kind in the gentleman to have wrote up +to you and said, "let Mrs Gamp take care of him till I come home;" but +ev'rythink he does is kind. There an't a many like him. If there was, we +shouldn't want no churches.' + +'What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs Gamp?' said Mould, coming to +the point. + +'Jest this, sir,' Mrs Gamp returned, 'with thanks to you for asking. +There IS a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn, as has been took ill +there, and is bad abed. They have a day nurse as was recommended from +Bartholomew's; and well I knows her, Mr Mould, her name bein' Mrs Prig, +the best of creeturs. But she is otherways engaged at night, and they +are in wants of night-watching; consequent she says to them, having +reposed the greatest friendliness in me for twenty year, "The soberest +person going, and the best of blessings in a sick room, is Mrs Gamp. +Send a boy to Kingsgate Street," she says, "and snap her up at any +price, for Mrs Gamp is worth her weight and more in goldian guineas." +My landlord brings the message down to me, and says, "bein' in a light +place where you are, and this job promising so well, why not unite the +two?" "No, sir," I says, "not unbeknown to Mr Mould, and therefore do +not think it. But I will go to Mr Mould," I says, "and ast him, if you +like."' Here she looked sideways at the undertaker, and came to a stop. + +'Night-watching, eh?' said Mould, rubbing his chin. + +'From eight o'clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,' Mrs Gamp +rejoined. + +'And then go back, eh?' said would. + +'Quite free, then, sir, to attend to Mr Chuffey. His ways bein' quiet, +and his hours early, he'd be abed, sir, nearly all the time. I will not +deny,' said Mrs Gamp with meekness, 'that I am but a poor woman, and +that the money is a object; but do not let that act upon you, Mr Mould. +Rich folks may ride on camels, but it an't so easy for 'em to see out of +a needle's eye. That is my comfort, and I hope I knows it.' + +'Well, Mrs Gamp,' observed Mould, 'I don't see any particular objection +to your earning an honest penny under such circumstances. I should keep +it quiet, I think, Mrs Gamp. I wouldn't mention it to Mr Chuzzlewit +on his return, for instance, unless it were necessary, or he asked you +pointblank.' + +'The very words was on my lips, sir,' Mrs Gamp rejoined. 'Suppoging +that the gent should die, I hope I might take the liberty of saying as I +know'd some one in the undertaking line, and yet give no offence to you, +sir?' + +'Certainly, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with much condescension. 'You may +casually remark, in such a case, that we do the thing pleasantly and in +a great variety of styles, and are generally considered to make it +as agreeable as possible to the feelings of the survivors. But don't +obtrude it, don't obtrude it. Easy, easy! My dear, you may as well give +Mrs Gamp a card or two, if you please.' + +Mrs Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind (for the +bottle was locked up again) rose to take her departure. + +'Wishing ev'ry happiness to this happy family,' said Mrs Gamp 'with +all my heart. Good arternoon, Mrs Mould! If I was Mr would I should be +jealous of you, ma'am; and I'm sure, if I was you, I should be jealous +of Mr Mould.' + +'Tut, tut! Bah, bah! Go along, Mrs Gamp!' cried the delighted +undertaker. + +'As to the young ladies,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey, 'bless +their sweet looks--how they can ever reconsize it with their duties to +be so grown up with such young parents, it an't for sech as me to give a +guess at.' + +'Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs Gamp!' cried Mould. But in the height +of his gratification he actually pinched Mrs Mould as he said it. + +'I'll tell you what, my dear,' he observed, when Mrs Gamp had at last +withdrawn and shut the door, 'that's a ve-ry shrewd woman. That's a +woman whose intellect is immensely superior to her station in life. +That's a woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon manner. She's +the sort of woman now,' said Mould, drawing his silk handkerchief over +his head again, and composing himself for a nap 'one would almost feel +disposed to bury for nothing; and do it neatly, too!' + +Mrs Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks; the +subject of which had by this time reached the street, where she +experienced so much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged to +stand under an archway for a short time, to recover herself. Even +after this precaution, she walked so unsteadily as to attract the +compassionate regards of divers kind-hearted boys, who took the +liveliest interest in her disorder; and in their simple language bade +her be of good cheer, for she was 'only a little screwed.' + +Whatever she was, or whatever name the vocabulary of medical science +would have bestowed upon her malady, Mrs Gamp was perfectly acquainted +with the way home again; and arriving at the house of Anthony Chuzzlewit +& Son, lay down to rest. Remaining there until seven o'clock in the +evening, and then persuading poor old Chuffey to betake himself to +bed, she sallied forth upon her new engagement. First, she went to +her private lodgings in Kingsgate Street, for a bundle of robes and +wrappings comfortable in the night season; and then repaired to the Bull +in Holborn, which she reached as the clocks were striking eight. + +As she turned into the yard, she stopped; for the landlord, landlady, +and head chambermaid, were all on the threshold together talking +earnestly with a young gentleman who seemed to have just come or to +be just going away. The first words that struck upon Mrs Gamp's ear +obviously bore reference to the patient; and it being expedient that all +good attendants should know as much as possible about the case on which +their skill is brought to bear, Mrs Gamp listened as a matter of duty. + +'No better, then?' observed the gentleman. + +'Worse!' said the landlord. + +'Much worse,' added the landlady. + +'Oh! a deal badder,' cried the chambermaid from the background, opening +her eyes very wide, and shaking her head. + +'Poor fellow!' said the gentleman, 'I am sorry to hear it. The worst of +it is, that I have no idea what friends or relations he has, or where +they live, except that it certainly is not in London.' + +The landlord looked at the landlady; the landlady looked at the +landlord; and the chambermaid remarked, hysterically, 'that of all the +many wague directions she had ever seen or heerd of (and they wasn't few +in an hotel), THAT was the waguest.' + +'The fact is, you see,' pursued the gentleman, 'as I told you yesterday +when you sent to me, I really know very little about him. We were +school-fellows together; but since that time I have only met him twice. +On both occasions I was in London for a boy's holiday (having come up +for a week or so from Wiltshire), and lost sight of him again directly. +The letter bearing my name and address which you found upon his table, +and which led to your applying to me, is in answer, you will observe, +to one he wrote from this house the very day he was taken ill, making an +appointment with him at his own request. Here is his letter, if you wish +to see it.' + +The landlord read it; the landlady looked over him. The chambermaid, in +the background, made out as much of it as she could, and invented the +rest; believing it all from that time forth as a positive piece of +evidence. + +'He has very little luggage, you say?' observed the gentleman, who was +no other than our old friend, John Westlock. + +'Nothing but a portmanteau,' said the landlord; 'and very little in it.' + +'A few pounds in his purse, though?' + +'Yes. It's sealed up, and in the cash-box. I made a memorandum of the +amount, which you're welcome to see.' + +'Well!' said John, 'as the medical gentleman says the fever must take +its course, and nothing can be done just now beyond giving him his +drinks regularly and having him carefully attended to, nothing more +can be said that I know of, until he is in a condition to give us some +information. Can you suggest anything else?' + +'N-no,' replied the landlord, 'except--' + +'Except, who's to pay, I suppose?' said John. + +'Why,' hesitated the landlord, 'it would be as well.' + +'Quite as well,' said the landlady. + +'Not forgetting to remember the servants,' said the chambermaid in a +bland whisper. + +'It is but reasonable, I fully admit,' said John Westlock. 'At all +events, you have the stock in hand to go upon for the present; and I +will readily undertake to pay the doctor and the nurses.' + +'Ah!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A rayal gentleman!' + +She groaned her admiration so audibly, that they all turned round. Mrs +Gamp felt the necessity of advancing, bundle in hand, and introducing +herself. + +'The night-nurse,' she observed, 'from Kingsgate Street, well beknown to +Mrs Prig the day-nurse, and the best of creeturs. How is the poor dear +gentleman to-night? If he an't no better yet, still that is what must +be expected and prepared for. It an't the fust time by a many score, +ma'am,' dropping a curtsey to the landlady, 'that Mrs Prig and me has +nussed together, turn and turn about, one off, one on. We knows each +other's ways, and often gives relief when others fail. Our charges +is but low, sir'--Mrs Gamp addressed herself to John on this +head--'considerin' the nater of our painful dooty. If they wos made +accordin' to our wishes, they would be easy paid.' + +Regarding herself as having now delivered her inauguration address, Mrs +Gamp curtseyed all round, and signified her wish to be conducted to the +scene of her official duties. The chambermaid led her, through a variety +of intricate passages, to the top of the house; and pointing at length +to a solitary door at the end of a gallery, informed her that yonder was +the chamber where the patient lay. That done, she hurried off with all +the speed she could make. + +Mrs Gamp traversed the gallery in a great heat from having carried +her large bundle up so many stairs, and tapped at the door which was +immediately opened by Mrs Prig, bonneted and shawled and all impatience +to be gone. Mrs Prig was of the Gamp build, but not so fat; and her +voice was deeper and more like a man's. She had also a beard. + +'I began to think you warn't a-coming!' Mrs Prig observed, in some +displeasure. + +'It shall be made good to-morrow night,' said Mrs Gamp 'Honorable. I had +to go and fetch my things.' She had begun to make signs of inquiry in +reference to the position of the patient and his overhearing them--for +there was a screen before the door--when Mrs Prig settled that point +easily. + +'Oh!' she said aloud, 'he's quiet, but his wits is gone. It an't no +matter wot you say.' + +'Anythin' to tell afore you goes, my dear?' asked Mrs Gamp, setting her +bundle down inside the door, and looking affectionately at her partner. + +'The pickled salmon,' Mrs Prig replied, 'is quite delicious. I can +partlck'ler recommend it. Don't have nothink to say to the cold meat, +for it tastes of the stable. The drinks is all good.' + +Mrs Gamp expressed herself much gratified. + +'The physic and them things is on the drawers and mankleshelf,' said +Mrs Prig, cursorily. 'He took his last slime draught at seven. The +easy-chair an't soft enough. You'll want his piller.' + +Mrs Gamp thanked her for these hints, and giving her a friendly good +night, held the door open until she had disappeared at the other end +of the gallery. Having thus performed the hospitable duty of seeing her +safely off, she shut it, locked it on the inside, took up her bundle, +walked round the screen, and entered on her occupation of the sick +chamber. + +'A little dull, but not so bad as might be,' Mrs Gamp remarked. +'I'm glad to see a parapidge, in case of fire, and lots of roofs and +chimley-pots to walk upon.' + +It will be seen from these remarks that Mrs Gamp was looking out of +window. When she had exhausted the prospect, she tried the easy-chair, +which she indignantly declared was 'harder than a brickbadge.' Next +she pursued her researches among the physic-bottles, glasses, jugs, and +tea-cups; and when she had entirely satisfied her curiosity on all these +subjects of investigation, she untied her bonnet-strings and strolled up +to the bedside to take a look at the patient. + +A young man--dark and not ill-looking--with long black hair, that seemed +the blacker for the whiteness of the bed-clothes. His eyes were partly +open, and he never ceased to roll his head from side to side upon the +pillow, keeping his body almost quiet. He did not utter words; but +every now and then gave vent to an expression of impatience or fatigue, +sometimes of surprise; and still his restless head--oh, weary, weary +hour!--went to and fro without a moment's intermission. + +Mrs Gamp solaced herself with a pinch of snuff, and stood looking at him +with her head inclined a little sideways, as a connoisseur might gaze +upon a doubtful work of art. By degrees, a horrible remembrance of one +branch of her calling took possession of the woman; and stooping down, +she pinned his wandering arms against his sides, to see how he would +look if laid out as a dead man. Her fingers itched to compose his limbs +in that last marble attitude. + +'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, walking away from the bed, 'he'd make a lovely +corpse.' + +She now proceeded to unpack her bundle; lighted a candle with the aid +of a fire-box on the drawers; filled a small kettle, as a preliminary +to refreshing herself with a cup of tea in the course of the night; +laid what she called 'a little bit of fire,' for the same philanthropic +purpose; and also set forth a small tea-board, that nothing might be +wanting for her comfortable enjoyment. These preparations occupied so +long, that when they were brought to a conclusion it was high time to +think about supper; so she rang the bell and ordered it. + +'I think, young woman,' said Mrs Gamp to the assistant chambermaid, in a +tone expressive of weakness, 'that I could pick a little bit of pickled +salmon, with a nice little sprig of fennel, and a sprinkling of white +pepper. I takes new bread, my dear, with just a little pat of fresh +butter, and a mossel of cheese. In case there should be such a thing +as a cowcumber in the 'ouse, will you be so kind as bring it, for I'm +rather partial to 'em, and they does a world of good in a sick room. If +they draws the Brighton Old Tipper here, I takes THAT ale at night, my +love, it bein' considered wakeful by the doctors. And whatever you +do, young woman, don't bring more than a shilling's-worth of gin and +water-warm when I rings the bell a second time; for that is always my +allowance, and I never takes a drop beyond!' + +Having preferred these moderate requests, Mrs Gamp observed that she +would stand at the door until the order was executed, to the end that +the patient might not be disturbed by her opening it a second time; and +therefore she would thank the young woman to 'look sharp.' + +A tray was brought with everything upon it, even to the cucumber and +Mrs Gamp accordingly sat down to eat and drink in high good humour. The +extent to which she availed herself of the vinegar, and supped up that +refreshing fluid with the blade of her knife, can scarcely be expressed +in narrative. + +'Ah!' sighed Mrs Gamp, as she meditated over the warm shilling's-worth, +'what a blessed thing it is--living in a wale--to be contented! What a +blessed thing it is to make sick people happy in their beds, and never +mind one's self as long as one can do a service! I don't believe a finer +cowcumber was ever grow'd. I'm sure I never see one!' + +She moralised in the same vein until her glass was empty, and then +administered the patient's medicine, by the simple process of clutching +his windpipe to make him gasp, and immediately pouring it down his +throat. + +'I a'most forgot the piller, I declare!' said Mrs Gamp, drawing it away. +'There! Now he's comfortable as he can be, I'm sure! I must try to make +myself as much so as I can.' + +With this view, she went about the construction of an extemporaneous bed +in the easy-chair, with the addition of the next easy one for her feet. +Having formed the best couch that the circumstances admitted of, she +took out of her bundle a yellow night-cap, of prodigious size, in shape +resembling a cabbage; which article of dress she fixed and tied on with +the utmost care, previously divesting herself of a row of bald old +curls that could scarcely be called false, they were so very innocent of +anything approaching to deception. From the same repository she brought +forth a night-jacket, in which she also attired herself. Finally, she +produced a watchman's coat which she tied round her neck by the sleeves, +so that she become two people; and looked, behind, as if she were in the +act of being embraced by one of the old patrol. + +All these arrangements made, she lighted the rush-light, coiled herself +up on her couch, and went to sleep. Ghostly and dark the room became, +and full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in the streets were +gradually hushed; the house was quiet as a sepulchre; the dead of night +was coffined in the silent city. + +Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the +past; incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present; dragging +its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes +of awful pomp; seeking but a moment's rest among the long-forgotten +haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday; and dimly finding +fear and horror everywhere! Oh, weary, weary hour! What were the +wanderings of Cain, to these! + +Still, without a moment's interval, the burning head tossed to and fro. +Still, from time to time, fatigue, impatience, suffering, and surprise, +found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though never once in +words. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he began to talk; +waiting awfully for answers sometimes; as though invisible companions +were about his bed; and so replying to their speech and questioning +again. + +Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall the shadow +of a gigantic night constable, struggling with a prisoner. + +'Come! Hold your tongue!' she cried, in sharp reproof. 'Don't make none +of that noise here.' + +There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion of the +head, but he talked on wildly. + +'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient shiver; +'I thought I was a-sleepin' too pleasant to last! The devil's in the +night, I think, it's turned so chilly!' + +'Don't drink so much!' cried the sick man. 'You'll ruin us all. Don't +you see how the fountain sinks? Look at the mark where the sparkling +water was just now!' + +'Sparkling water, indeed!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I'll have a sparkling cup o' +tea, I think. I wish you'd hold your noise!' + +He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a dismal +wail. Checking himself, with fierce inconstancy he began to count--fast. + +'One--two--three--four--five--six.' + +"One, two, buckle my shoe,"' said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her knees, +lighting the fire, "three, four, shut the door,"--I wish you'd shut +your mouth, young man--"five, six, picking up sticks." If I'd got a few +handy, I should have the kettle boiling all the sooner.' + +Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to the +fender (which was a high one) that her nose rested upon it; and for some +time she drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature backwards and +forwards along the brass top, as far as she could, without changing her +position to do it. She maintained, all the while, a running commentary +upon the wanderings of the man in bed. + +'That makes five hundred and twenty-one men, all dressed alike, and with +the same distortion on their faces, that have passed in at the window, +and out at the door,' he cried, anxiously. 'Look there! Five hundred and +twenty-two--twenty-three--twenty-four. Do you see them?' + +'Ah! I see 'em,' said Mrs Gamp; 'all the whole kit of 'em numbered like +hackney-coaches, an't they?' + +'Touch me! Let me be sure of this. Touch me!' + +'You'll take your next draught when I've made the kettle bile,' retorted +Mrs Gamp, composedly, 'and you'll be touched then. You'll be touched up, +too, if you don't take it quiet.' + +'Five hundred and twenty-eight, five hundred and twenty-nine, five +hundred and thirty.--Look here!' + +'What's the matter now?' said Mrs Gamp. + +'They're coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in the next +man's, and his hand upon his shoulder. What's that upon the arm of every +man, and on the flag?' + +'Spiders, p'raps,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Crape! Black crape! Good God! why do they wear it outside?' + +'Would you have 'em carry black crape in their insides?' Mrs Gamp +retorted. 'Hold your noise, hold your noise.' + +The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs Gamp +became silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly along the +top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was awakened by the +room ringing (as she fancied) with a name she knew: + +'Chuzzlewit!' + +The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised entreaty, +that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the door. She expected to +find the passage filled with people, come to tell her that the house in +the city had taken fire. But the place was empty; not a soul was there. +She opened the window, and looked out. Dark, dull, dingy, and desolate +house-tops. As she passed to her seat again, she glanced at the patient. +Just the same; but silent. Mrs Gamp was so warm now, that she threw off +the watchman's coat, and fanned herself. + +'It seemed to make the wery bottles ring,' she said. 'What could I have +been a-dreaming of? That dratted Chuffey, I'll be bound.' + +The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of snuff, and +the song of the steaming kettle, quite restored the tone of Mrs Gamp's +nerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her tea; made some +buttered toast; and sat down at the tea-board, with her face to the +fire. + +When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had vibrated in +her slumbering ear, these words were shrieked out: + +'Chuzzlewit! Jonas! No!' + +Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her lips, and +turned round with a start that made the little tea-board leap. The cry +had come from the bed. + + +It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the window, +and the sun was rising cheerfully. Lighter and lighter grew the sky, and +noisier the streets; and high into the summer air uprose the smoke of +newly kindled fires, until the busy day was broad awake. + +Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her other +patient's. Mr Westlock came at the same time, but he was not admitted, +the disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The doctor shook +his head. It was all he could do, under the circumstances, and he did it +well. + +'What sort of a night, nurse?' + +'Restless, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Talk much?' + +'Middling, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Nothing to the purpose, I suppose?' + +'Oh bless you, no, sir. Only jargon.' + +'Well!' said the doctor, 'we must keep him quiet; keep the room cool; +give him his draughts regularly; and see that he's carefully looked to. +That's all!' + +'And as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of that,' +said Mrs Gamp. + +'I suppose,' observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the doctor out; +'there's nothin' new?' + +'Nothin' at all, my dear,' said Mrs Gamp. 'He's rather wearin' in his +talk from making up a lot of names; elseways you needn't mind him.' + +'Oh, I shan't mind him,' Mrs Prig returned. 'I have somethin' else to +think of.' + +'I pays my debts to-night, you know, my dear, and comes afore my time,' +said Mrs Gamp. 'But, Betsy Prig'--speaking with great feeling, and +laying her hand upon her arm--'try the cowcumbers, God bless you!' + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX + +AN UNEXPECTED MEETING, AND A PROMISING PROSPECT + + +The laws of sympathy between beards and birds, and the secret source +of that attraction which frequently impels a shaver of the one to be +a dealer in the other, are questions for the subtle reasoning of +scientific bodies; not the less so, because their investigation would +seem calculated to lead to no particular result. It is enough to know +that the artist who had the honour of entertaining Mrs Gamp as +his first-floor lodger, united the two pursuits of barbering and +bird-fancying; and that it was not an original idea of his, but one in +which he had, dispersed about the by-streets and suburbs of the town, a +host of rivals. + +The name of the householder was Paul Sweedlepipe. But he was commonly +called Poll Sweedlepipe; and was not uncommonly believed to have been so +christened, among his friends and neighbours. + +With the exception of the staircase, and his lodger's private apartment, +Poll Sweedlepipe's house was one great bird's nest. Gamecocks resided in +the kitchen; pheasants wasted the brightness of their golden plumage on +the garret; bantams roosted in the cellar; owls had possession of the +bedroom; and specimens of all the smaller fry of birds chirrupped and +twittered in the shop. The staircase was sacred to rabbits. There in +hutches of all shapes and kinds, made from old packing-cases, boxes, +drawers, and tea-chests, they increased in a prodigious degree, and +contributed their share towards that complicated whiff which, quite +impartially, and without distinction of persons, saluted every nose that +was put into Sweedlepipe's easy shaving-shop. + +Many noses found their way there, for all that, especially on Sunday +morning, before church-time. Even archbishops shave, or must be shaved, +on a Sunday, and beards WILL grow after twelve o'clock on Saturday +night, though it be upon the chins of base mechanics; who, not being +able to engage their valets by the quarter, hire them by the job, and +pay them--oh, the wickedness of copper coin!--in dirty pence. Poll +Sweedlepipe, the sinner, shaved all comers at a penny each, and cut the +hair of any customer for twopence; and being a lone unmarried man, and +having some connection in the bird line, Poll got on tolerably well. + +He was a little elderly man, with a clammy cold right hand, from which +even rabbits and birds could not remove the smell of shaving-soap. Poll +had something of the bird in his nature; not of the hawk or eagle, but +of the sparrow, that builds in chimney-stacks and inclines to human +company. He was not quarrelsome, though, like the sparrow; but peaceful, +like the dove. In his walk he strutted; and, in this respect, he bore +a faint resemblance to the pigeon, as well as in a certain prosiness of +speech, which might, in its monotony, be likened to the cooing of that +bird. He was very inquisitive; and when he stood at his shop-door in the +evening-tide, watching the neighbours, with his head on one side, and +his eye cocked knowingly, there was a dash of the raven in him. Yet +there was no more wickedness in Poll than in a robin. Happily, too, when +any of his ornithological properties were on the verge of going too +far, they were quenched, dissolved, melted down, and neutralised in +the barber; just as his bald head--otherwise, as the head of a shaved +magpie--lost itself in a wig of curly black ringlets, parted on one +side, and cut away almost to the crown, to indicate immense capacity of +intellect. + +Poll had a very small, shrill treble voice, which might have led +the wags of Kingsgate Street to insist the more upon his feminine +designation. He had a tender heart, too; for, when he had a good +commission to provide three or four score sparrows for a shooting-match, +he would observe, in a compassionate tone, how singular it was that +sparrows should have been made expressly for such purposes. The +question, whether men were made to shoot them, never entered into Poll's +philosophy. + +Poll wore, in his sporting character, a velveteen coat, a great deal of +blue stocking, ankle boots, a neckerchief of some bright colour, and +a very tall hat. Pursuing his more quiet occupation of barber, he +generally subsided into an apron not over-clean, a flannel jacket, and +corduroy knee-shorts. It was in this latter costume, but with his apron +girded round his waist, as a token of his having shut up shop for +the night, that he closed the door one evening, some weeks after the +occurrences detailed in the last chapter, and stood upon the steps in +Kingsgate Street, listening until the little cracked bell within +should leave off ringing. For until it did--this was Mr Sweedlepipe's +reflection--the place never seemed quiet enough to be left to itself. + +'It's the greediest little bell to ring,' said Poll, 'that ever was. But +it's quiet at last.' + +He rolled his apron up a little tighter as he said these words, and +hastened down the street. Just as he was turning into Holborn, he ran +against a young gentleman in a livery. This youth was bold, though +small, and with several lively expressions of displeasure, turned upon +him instantly. + +'Now, STOO-PID!' cried the young gentleman. 'Can't you look where you're +a-going to--eh? Can't you mind where you're a-coming to--eh? What do you +think your eyes was made for--eh? Ah! Yes. Oh! Now then!' + +The young gentleman pronounced the two last words in a very loud tone +and with frightful emphasis, as though they contained within themselves +the essence of the direst aggravation. But he had scarcely done so, when +his anger yielded to surprise, and he cried, in a milder tone: + +'What! Polly!' + +'Why, it an't you, sure!' cried Poll. 'It can't be you!' + +'No. It an't me,' returned the youth. 'It's my son, my oldest one. He's +a credit to his father, an't he, Polly?' With this delicate little +piece of banter, he halted on the pavement, and went round and round +in circles, for the better exhibition of his figure; rather to the +inconvenience of the passengers generally, who were not in an equal +state of spirits with himself. + +'I wouldn't have believed it,' said Poll. 'What! You've left your old +place, then? Have you?' + +'Have I!' returned his young friend, who had by this time stuck his +hands into the pockets of his white cord breeches, and was swaggering +along at the barber's side. 'D'ye know a pair of top-boots when you see +'em, Polly?--look here!' + +'Beau-ti-ful' cried Mr Sweedlepipe. + +'D'ye know a slap-up sort of button, when you see it?' said the youth. +'Don't look at mine, if you ain't a judge, because these lions' heads +was made for men of taste; not snobs.' + +'Beau-ti-ful!' cried the barber again. 'A grass-green frock-coat, too, +bound with gold; and a cockade in your hat!' + +'I should hope so,' replied the youth. 'Blow the cockade, though; for, +except that it don't turn round, it's like the wentilator that used to +be in the kitchen winder at Todgers's. You ain't seen the old lady's +name in the Gazette, have you?' + +'No,' returned the barber. 'Is she a bankrupt?' + +'If she ain't, she will be,' retorted Bailey. 'That bis'ness never can +be carried on without ME. Well! How are you?' + +'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. 'Are you living at this end of the +town, or were you coming to see me? Was that the bis'ness that brought +you to Holborn?' + +'I haven't got no bis'ness in Holborn,' returned Bailey, with some +displeasure. 'All my bis'ness lays at the West End. I've got the right +sort of governor now. You can't see his face for his whiskers, and can't +see his whiskers for the dye upon 'em. That's a gentleman ain't it? You +wouldn't like a ride in a cab, would you? Why, it wouldn't be safe to +offer it. You'd faint away, only to see me a-comin' at a mild trot round +the corner.' + +To convey a slight idea of the effect of this approach, Mr Bailey +counterfeited in his own person the action of a high-trotting horse and +threw up his head so high, in backing against a pump, that he shook his +hat off. + +'Why, he's own uncle to Capricorn,' said Bailey, 'and brother to +Cauliflower. He's been through the winders of two chaney shops since +we've had him, and was sold for killin' his missis. That's a horse, I +hope?' + +'Ah! you'll never want to buy any more red polls, now,' observed Poll, +looking on his young friend with an air of melancholy. 'You'll never +want to buy any more red polls now, to hang up over the sink, will you?' + +'I should think not,' replied Bailey. 'Reether so. I wouldn't have +nothin' to say to any bird below a Peacock; and HE'd be wulgar. Well, +how are you?' + +'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. He answered the question again because +Mr Bailey asked it again; Mr Bailey asked it again, because--accompanied +with a straddling action of the white cords, a bend of the knees, and a +striking forth of the top-boots--it was an easy horse-fleshy, turfy sort +of thing to do. + +'Wot are you up to, old feller?' added Mr Bailey, with the same graceful +rakishness. He was quite the man-about-town of the conversation, while +the easy-shaver was the child. + +'Why, I am going to fetch my lodger home,' said Paul. + +'A woman!' cried Mr Bailey, 'for a twenty-pun' note!' + +The little barber hastened to explain that she was neither a young +woman, nor a handsome woman, but a nurse, who had been acting as a kind +of house-keeper to a gentleman for some weeks past, and left her place +that night, in consequence of being superseded by another and a more +legitimate house-keeper--to wit, the gentleman's bride. + +'He's newly married, and he brings his young wife home to-night,' said +the barber. 'So I'm going to fetch my lodger away--Mr Chuzzlewit's, +close behind the Post Office--and carry her box for her.' + +'Jonas Chuzzlewit's?' said Bailey. + +'Ah!' returned Paul: 'that's the name sure enough. Do you know him?' + +'Oh, no!' cried Mr Bailey; 'not at all. And I don't know her! Not +neither! Why, they first kept company through me, a'most.' + +'Ah?' said Paul. + +'Ah!' said Mr Bailey, with a wink; 'and she ain't bad looking mind you. +But her sister was the best. SHE was the merry one. I often used to have +a bit of fun with her, in the hold times!' + +Mr Bailey spoke as if he already had a leg and three-quarters in +the grave, and this had happened twenty or thirty years ago. Paul +Sweedlepipe, the meek, was so perfectly confounded by his precocious +self-possession, and his patronizing manner, as well as by his boots, +cockade, and livery, that a mist swam before his eyes, and he saw--not +the Bailey of acknowledged juvenility from Todgers's Commercial +Boarding House, who had made his acquaintance within a twelvemonth, +by purchasing, at sundry times, small birds at twopence each--but a +highly-condensed embodiment of all the sporting grooms in London; an +abstract of all the stable-knowledge of the time; a something at a +high-pressure that must have had existence many years, and was fraught +with terrible experiences. And truly, though in the cloudy atmosphere +of Todgers's, Mr Bailey's genius had ever shone out brightly in this +particular respect, it now eclipsed both time and space, cheated +beholders of their senses, and worked on their belief in defiance of all +natural laws. He walked along the tangible and real stones of Holborn +Hill, an undersized boy; and yet he winked the winks, and thought the +thoughts, and did the deeds, and said the sayings of an ancient man. +There was an old principle within him, and a young surface without. He +became an inexplicable creature; a breeched and booted Sphinx. There was +no course open to the barber, but to go distracted himself, or to take +Bailey for granted; and he wisely chose the latter. + +Mr Bailey was good enough to continue to bear him company, and to +entertain him, as they went, with easy conversation on various sporting +topics; especially on the comparative merits, as a general principle, of +horses with white stockings, and horses without. In regard to the style +of tail to be preferred, Mr Bailey had opinions of his own, which he +explained, but begged they might by no means influence his friend's, +as here he knew he had the misfortune to differ from some excellent +authorities. He treated Mr Sweedlepipe to a dram, compounded agreeably +to his own directions, which he informed him had been invented by a +member of the Jockey Club; and, as they were by this time near the +barber's destination, he observed that, as he had an hour to spare, and +knew the parties, he would, if quite agreeable, be introduced to Mrs +Gamp. + +Paul knocked at Jonas Chuzzlewit's; and, on the door being opened by +that lady, made the two distinguished persons known to one another. It +was a happy feature in Mrs Gamp's twofold profession, that it gave her +an interest in everything that was young as well as in everything that +was old. She received Mr Bailey with much kindness. + +'It's very good, I'm sure, of you to come,' she said to her landlord, +'as well as bring so nice a friend. But I'm afraid that I must trouble +you so far as to step in, for the young couple has not yet made +appearance.' + +'They're late, ain't they?' inquired her landlord, when she had +conducted them downstairs into the kitchen. + +'Well, sir, considern' the Wings of Love, they are,' said Mrs Gamp. + +Mr Bailey inquired whether the Wings of Love had ever won a plate, or +could be backed to do anything remarkable; and being informed that it +was not a horse, but merely a poetical or figurative expression, evinced +considerable disgust. Mrs Gamp was so very much astonished by his +affable manners and great ease, that she was about to propound to her +landlord in a whisper the staggering inquiry, whether he was a man or +a boy, when Mr Sweedlepipe, anticipating her design, made a timely +diversion. + +'He knows Mrs Chuzzlewit,' said Paul aloud. + +'There's nothin' he don't know; that's my opinion,' observed Mrs Gamp. +'All the wickedness of the world is Print to him.' + +Mr Bailey received this as a compliment, and said, adjusting his cravat, +'reether so.' + +'As you knows Mrs Chuzzlewit, you knows, p'raps, what her chris'en name +is?' Mrs Gamp observed. + +'Charity,' said Bailey. + +'That it ain't!' cried Mrs Gamp. + +'Cherry, then,' said Bailey. 'Cherry's short for it. It's all the same.' + +'It don't begin with a C at all,' retorted Mrs Gamp, shaking her head. +'It begins with a M.' + +'Whew!' cried Mr Bailey, slapping a little cloud of pipe-clay out of his +left leg, 'then he's been and married the merry one!' + +As these words were mysterious, Mrs Gamp called upon him to explain, +which Mr Bailey proceeded to do; that lady listening greedily to +everything he said. He was yet in the fullness of his narrative when the +sound of wheels, and a double knock at the street door, announced the +arrival of the newly married couple. Begging him to reserve what more he +had to say for her hearing on the way home, Mrs Gamp took up the candle, +and hurried away to receive and welcome the young mistress of the house. + +'Wishing you appiness and joy with all my art,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping +a curtsey as they entered the hall; 'and you, too, sir. Your lady looks +a little tired with the journey, Mr Chuzzlewit, a pretty dear!' + +'She has bothered enough about it,' grumbled Mr Jonas. 'Now, show a +light, will you?' + +'This way, ma'am, if you please,' said Mrs Gamp, going upstairs before +them. 'Things has been made as comfortable as they could be, but there's +many things you'll have to alter your own self when you gets time +to look about you! Ah! sweet thing! But you don't,' added Mrs Gamp, +internally, 'you don't look much like a merry one, I must say!' + +It was true; she did not. The death that had gone before the bridal +seemed to have left its shade upon the house. The air was heavy and +oppressive; the rooms were dark; a deep gloom filled up every chink and +corner. Upon the hearthstone, like a creature of ill omen, sat the aged +clerk, with his eyes fixed on some withered branches in the stove. He +rose and looked at her. + +'So there you are, Mr Chuff,' said Jonas carelessly, as he dusted his +boots; 'still in the land of the living, eh?' + +'Still in the land of the living, sir,' retorted Mrs Gamp. 'And Mr +Chuffey may thank you for it, as many and many a time I've told him.' + +Mr Jonas was not in the best of humours, for he merely said, as he +looked round, 'We don't want you any more, you know, Mrs Gamp.' + +'I'm a-going immediate, sir,' returned the nurse; 'unless there's +nothink I can do for you, ma'am. Ain't there,' said Mrs Gamp, with +a look of great sweetness, and rummaging all the time in her pocket; +'ain't there nothink I can do for you, my little bird?' + +'No,' said Merry, almost crying. 'You had better go away, please!' + +With a leer of mingled sweetness and slyness; with one eye on the +future, one on the bride, and an arch expression in her face, partly +spiritual, partly spirituous, and wholly professional and peculiar +to her art; Mrs Gamp rummaged in her pocket again, and took from it a +printed card, whereon was an inscription copied from her signboard. + +'Would you be so good, my darling dovey of a dear young married lady,' +Mrs Gamp observed, in a low voice, 'as put that somewheres where you can +keep it in your mind? I'm well beknown to many ladies, and it's my card. +Gamp is my name, and Gamp my nater. Livin' quite handy, I will make +so bold as call in now and then, and make inquiry how your health and +spirits is, my precious chick!' + +And with innumerable leers, winks, coughs, nods, smiles, and curtseys, +all leading to the establishment of a mysterious and confidential +understanding between herself and the bride, Mrs Gamp, invoking a +blessing upon the house, leered, winked, coughed, nodded, smiled, and +curtseyed herself out of the room. + +'But I will say, and I would if I was led a Martha to the Stakes for +it,' Mrs Gamp remarked below stairs, in a whisper, 'that she don't look +much like a merry one at this present moment of time.' + +'Ah! wait till you hear her laugh!' said Bailey. + +'Hem!' cried Mrs Gamp, in a kind of groan. 'I will, child.' + +They said no more in the house, for Mrs Gamp put on her bonnet, Mr +Sweedlepipe took up her box; and Mr Bailey accompanied them towards +Kingsgate Street; recounting to Mrs Gamp as they went along, the origin +and progress of his acquaintance with Mrs Chuzzlewit and her sister. It +was a pleasant instance of this youth's precocity, that he fancied Mrs +Gamp had conceived a tenderness for him, and was much tickled by her +misplaced attachment. + +As the door closed heavily behind them, Mrs Jonas sat down in a chair, +and felt a strange chill creep upon her, whilst she looked about the +room. It was pretty much as she had known it, but appeared more dreary. +She had thought to see it brightened to receive her. + +'It ain't good enough for you, I suppose?' said Jonas, watching her +looks. + +'Why, it IS dull,' said Merry, trying to be more herself. + +'It'll be duller before you're done with it,' retorted Jonas, 'if you +give me any of your airs. You're a nice article, to turn sulky on first +coming home! Ecod, you used to have life enough, when you could plague +me with it. The gal's downstairs. Ring the bell for supper, while I take +my boots off!' + +She roused herself from looking after him as he left the room, to do +what he had desired; when the old man Chuffey laid his hand softly on +her arm. + +'You are not married?' he said eagerly. 'Not married?' + +'Yes. A month ago. Good Heaven, what is the matter?' + +He answered nothing was the matter; and turned from her. But in her fear +and wonder, turning also, she saw him raise his trembling hands above +his head, and heard him say: + +'Oh! woe, woe, woe, upon this wicked house!' + +It was her welcome--HOME. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN + +SHOWING THAT OLD FRIENDS MAY NOT ONLY APPEAR WITH NEW FACES, BUT IN +FALSE COLOURS. THAT PEOPLE ARE PRONE TO BITE, AND THAT BITERS MAY +SOMETIMES BE BITTEN. + + +Mr Bailey, Junior--for the sporting character, whilom of general utility +at Todgers's, had now regularly set up in life under that name, without +troubling himself to obtain from the legislature a direct licence in +the form of a Private Bill, which of all kinds and classes of bills +is without exception the most unreasonable in its charges--Mr Bailey, +Junior, just tall enough to be seen by an inquiring eye, gazing +indolently at society from beneath the apron of his master's cab, drove +slowly up and down Pall Mall, about the hour of noon, in waiting for his +'Governor.' The horse of distinguished family, who had Capricorn for his +nephew, and Cauliflower for his brother, showed himself worthy of his +high relations by champing at the bit until his chest was white with +foam, and rearing like a horse in heraldry; the plated harness and the +patent leather glittered in the sun; pedestrians admired; Mr Bailey was +complacent, but unmoved. He seemed to say, 'A barrow, good people, a +mere barrow; nothing to what we could do, if we chose!' and on he went, +squaring his short green arms outside the apron, as if he were hooked on +to it by his armpits. + +Mr Bailey had a great opinion of Brother to Cauliflower, and estimated +his powers highly. But he never told him so. On the contrary, it was his +practice, in driving that animal, to assail him with disrespectful, +if not injurious, expressions, as, 'Ah! would you!' 'Did you think +it, then?' 'Where are you going to now?' 'No, you won't, my lad!' and +similar fragmentary remarks. These being usually accompanied by a jerk +of the rein, or a crack of the whip, led to many trials of strength +between them, and to many contentions for the upper-hand, terminating, +now and then, in china-shops, and other unusual goals, as Mr Bailey had +already hinted to his friend Poll Sweedlepipe. + +On the present occasion Mr Bailey, being in spirits, was more than +commonly hard upon his charge; in consequence of which that fiery animal +confined himself almost entirely to his hind legs in displaying his +paces, and constantly got himself into positions with reference to the +cabriolet that very much amazed the passengers in the street. But Mr +Bailey, not at all disturbed, had still a shower of pleasantries to +bestow on any one who crossed his path; as, calling to a full-grown +coal-heaver in a wagon, who for a moment blocked the way, 'Now, young +'un, who trusted YOU with a cart?' inquiring of elderly ladies who +wanted to cross, and ran back again, 'Why they didn't go to the +workhouse and get an order to be buried?' tempting boys, with friendly +words, to get up behind, and immediately afterwards cutting them down; +and the like flashes of a cheerful humour, which he would occasionally +relieve by going round St. James's Square at a hand gallop, and coming +slowly into Pall Mall by another entry, as if, in the interval, his pace +had been a perfect crawl. + +It was not until these amusements had been very often repeated, and the +apple-stall at the corner had sustained so many miraculous escapes as to +appear impregnable, that Mr Bailey was summoned to the door of a certain +house in Pall Mall, and turning short, obeyed the call and jumped out. +It was not until he had held the bridle for some minutes longer, every +jerk of Cauliflower's brother's head, and every twitch of Cauliflower's +brother's nostril, taking him off his legs in the meanwhile, that +two persons entered the vehicle, one of whom took the reins and drove +rapidly off. Nor was it until Mr Bailey had run after it some hundreds +of yards in vain, that he managed to lift his short leg into the iron +step, and finally to get his boots upon the little footboard behind. +Then, indeed, he became a sight to see; and--standing now on one foot +and now upon the other, now trying to look round the cab on this side, +now on that, and now endeavouring to peep over the top of it, as it went +dashing in among the carts and coaches--was from head to heel Newmarket. + +The appearance of Mr Bailey's governor as he drove along fully justified +that enthusiastic youth's description of him to the wondering Poll. He +had a world of jet-black shining hair upon his head, upon his cheeks, +upon his chin, upon his upper lip. His clothes, symmetrically made, were +of the newest fashion and the costliest kind. Flowers of gold and blue, +and green and blushing red, were on his waistcoat; precious chains +and jewels sparkled on his breast; his fingers, clogged with brilliant +rings, were as unwieldly as summer flies but newly rescued from a +honey-pot. The daylight mantled in his gleaming hat and boots as in +a polished glass. And yet, though changed his name, and changed his +outward surface, it was Tigg. Though turned and twisted upside down, +and inside out, as great men have been sometimes known to be; though +no longer Montague Tigg, but Tigg Montague; still it was Tigg; the same +Satanic, gallant, military Tigg. The brass was burnished, lacquered, +newly stamped; yet it was the true Tigg metal notwithstanding. + +Beside him sat a smiling gentleman, of less pretensions and of business +looks, whom he addressed as David. Surely not the David of the--how +shall it be phrased?--the triumvirate of golden balls? Not David, +tapster at the Lombards' Arms? Yes. The very man. + +'The secretary's salary, David,' said Mr Montague, 'the office being +now established, is eight hundred pounds per annum, with his house-rent, +coals, and candles free. His five-and-twenty shares he holds, of course. +Is that enough?' + +David smiled and nodded, and coughed behind a little locked portfolio +which he carried; with an air that proclaimed him to be the secretary in +question. + +'If that's enough,' said Montague, 'I will propose it at the Board +to-day, in my capacity as chairman.' + +The secretary smiled again; laughed, indeed, this time; and said, +rubbing his nose slily with one end of the portfolio: + +'It was a capital thought, wasn't it?' + +'What was a capital thought, David?' Mr Montague inquired. + +'The Anglo-Bengalee,' tittered the secretary. + +'The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company is +rather a capital concern, I hope, David,' said Montague. + +'Capital indeed!' cried the secretary, with another laugh--' in one +sense.' + +'In the only important one,' observed the chairman; 'which is number +one, David.' + +'What,' asked the secretary, bursting into another laugh, 'what will be +the paid up capital, according to the next prospectus?' + +'A figure of two, and as many oughts after it as the printer can get +into the same line,' replied his friend. 'Ha, ha!' + +At this they both laughed; the secretary so vehemently, that in kicking +up his feet, he kicked the apron open, and nearly started Cauliflower's +brother into an oyster shop; not to mention Mr Bailey's receiving such +a sudden swing, that he held on for a moment quite a young Fame, by one +strap and no legs. + +'What a chap you are!' exclaimed David admiringly, when this little +alarm had subsided. + +'Say, genius, David, genius.' + +'Well, upon my soul, you ARE a genius then,' said David. 'I always knew +you had the gift of the gab, of course; but I never believed you were +half the man you are. How could I?' + +'I rise with circumstances, David. That's a point of genius in itself,' +said Tigg. 'If you were to lose a hundred pound wager to me at +this minute David, and were to pay it (which is most confoundedly +improbable), I should rise, in a mental point of view, directly.' + +It is due to Mr Tigg to say that he had really risen with his +opportunities; and, peculating on a grander scale, he had become a +grander man altogether. + +'Ha, ha,' cried the secretary, laying his hand, with growing +familiarity, upon the chairman's arm. 'When I look at you, and think of +your property in Bengal being--ha, ha, ha!--' + +The half-expressed idea seemed no less ludicrous to Mr Tigg than to his +friend, for he laughed too, heartily. + +'--Being,' resumed David, 'being amenable--your property in Bengal being +amenable--to all claims upon the company; when I look at you and think +of that, you might tickle me into fits by waving the feather of a pen at +me. Upon my soul you might!' + +'It a devilish fine property,' said Tigg Montague, 'to be amenable +to any claims. The preserve of tigers alone is worth a mint of money, +David.' + +David could only reply in the intervals of his laughter, 'Oh, what a +chap you are!' and so continued to laugh, and hold his sides, and wipe +his eyes, for some time, without offering any other observation. + +'A capital idea?' said Tigg, returning after a time to his companion's +first remark; 'no doubt it was a capital idea. It was my idea.' + +'No, no. It was my idea,' said David. 'Hang it, let a man have some +credit. Didn't I say to you that I'd saved a few pounds?--' + +'You said! Didn't I say to you,' interposed Tigg, 'that I had come into +a few pounds?' + +'Certainly you did,' returned David, warmly, 'but that's not the idea. +Who said, that if we put the money together we could furnish an office, +and make a show?' + +'And who said,' retorted Mr Tigg, 'that, provided we did it on a +sufficiently large scale, we could furnish an office and make a show, +without any money at all? Be rational, and just, and calm, and tell me +whose idea was that.' + +'Why, there,' David was obliged to confess, 'you had the advantage of +me, I admit. But I don't put myself on a level with you. I only want a +little credit in the business.' + +'All the credit you deserve to have,' said Tigg. + +'The plain work of the company, David--figures, books, circulars, +advertisements, pen, ink, and paper, sealing-wax and wafers--is +admirably done by you. You are a first-rate groveller. I don't dispute +it. But the ornamental department, David; the inventive and poetical +department--' + +'Is entirely yours,' said his friend. 'No question of it. But with such +a swell turnout as this, and all the handsome things you've got about +you, and the life you lead, I mean to say it's a precious comfortable +department too.' + +'Does it gain the purpose? Is it Anglo-Bengalee?' asked Tigg. + +'Yes,' said David. + +'Could you undertake it yourself?' demanded Tigg. + +'No,' said David. + +'Ha, ha!' laughed Tigg. 'Then be contented with your station and +your profits, David, my fine fellow, and bless the day that made us +acquainted across the counter of our common uncle, for it was a golden +day to you.' + +It will have been already gathered from the conversation of these +worthies, that they were embarked in an enterprise of some magnitude, in +which they addressed the public in general from the strong position of +having everything to gain and nothing at all to lose; and which, based +upon this great principle, was thriving pretty comfortably. + +The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company started +into existence one morning, not an Infant Institution, but a Grown-up +Company running alone at a great pace, and doing business right and +left: with a 'branch' in a first floor over a tailor's at the west-end +of the town, and main offices in a new street in the City, comprising +the upper part of a spacious house resplendent in stucco and +plate-glass, with wire-blinds in all the windows, and 'Anglo-Bengalee' +worked into the pattern of every one of them. On the doorpost was +painted again in large letters, 'offices of the Anglo-Bengalee +Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company,' and on the door was a +large brass plate with the same inscription; always kept very bright, as +courting inquiry; staring the City out of countenance after office hours +on working days, and all day long on Sundays; and looking bolder than +the Bank. Within, the offices were newly plastered, newly painted, +newly papered, newly countered, newly floor-clothed, newly tabled, newly +chaired, newly fitted up in every way, with goods that were substantial +and expensive, and designed (like the company) to last. Business! Look +at the green ledgers with red backs, like strong cricket-balls beaten +flat; the court-guides directories, day-books, almanacks, letter-boxes, +weighing-machines for letters, rows of fire-buckets for dashing out a +conflagration in its first spark, and saving the immense wealth in notes +and bonds belonging to the company; look at the iron safes, the clock, +the office seal--in its capacious self, security for anything. Solidity! +Look at the massive blocks of marble in the chimney-pieces, and the +gorgeous parapet on the top of the house! Publicity! Why, Anglo-Bengalee +Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance company is painted on the very +coal-scuttles. It is repeated at every turn until the eyes are dazzled +with it, and the head is giddy. It is engraved upon the top of all the +letter paper, and it makes a scroll-work round the seal, and it shines +out of the porter's buttons, and it is repeated twenty times in every +circular and public notice wherein one David Crimple, Esquire, Secretary +and resident Director, takes the liberty of inviting your attention +to the accompanying statement of the advantages offered by the +Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company; and fully +proves to you that any connection on your part with that establishment +must result in a perpetual Christmas Box and constantly increasing Bonus +to yourself, and that nobody can run any risk by the transaction except +the office, which, in its great liberality is pretty sure to lose. And +this, David Crimple, Esquire, submits to you (and the odds are heavy you +believe him), is the best guarantee that can reasonably be suggested by +the Board of Management for its permanence and stability. + +This gentleman's name, by the way, had been originally Crimp; but as +the word was susceptible of an awkward construction and might be +misrepresented, he had altered it to Crimple. + +Lest with all these proofs and confirmations, any man should be +suspicious of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance +company; should doubt in tiger, cab, or person, Tigg Montague, Esquire, +(of Pall Mall and Bengal), or any other name in the imaginative List of +Directors; there was a porter on the premises--a wonderful creature, +in a vast red waistcoat and a short-tailed pepper-and-salt coat--who +carried more conviction to the minds of sceptics than the whole +establishment without him. No confidences existed between him and the +Directorship; nobody knew where he had served last; no character or +explanation had been given or required. No questions had been asked on +either side. This mysterious being, relying solely on his figure, had +applied for the situation, and had been instantly engaged on his own +terms. They were high; but he knew, doubtless, that no man could carry +such an extent of waistcoat as himself, and felt the full value of his +capacity to such an institution. When he sat upon a seat erected for him +in a corner of the office, with his glazed hat hanging on a peg over his +head, it was impossible to doubt the respectability of the concern. +It went on doubling itself with every square inch of his red waistcoat +until, like the problem of the nails in the horse's shoes, the total +became enormous. People had been known to apply to effect an insurance +on their lives for a thousand pounds, and looking at him, to beg, before +the form of proposal was filled up, that it might be made two. And yet +he was not a giant. His coat was rather small than otherwise. The whole +charm was in his waistcoat. Respectability, competence, property in +Bengal or anywhere else, responsibility to any amount on the part of the +company that employed him, were all expressed in that one garment. + +Rival offices had endeavoured to lure him away; Lombard Street itself +had beckoned to him; rich companies had whispered 'Be a Beadle!' but he +still continued faithful to the Anglo-Bengalee. Whether he was a deep +rogue, or a stately simpleton, it was impossible to make out, but he +appeared to believe in the Anglo-Bengalee. He was grave with imaginary +cares of office; and having nothing whatever to do, and something less +to take care of, would look as if the pressure of his numerous duties, +and a sense of the treasure in the company's strong-room, made him a +solemn and a thoughtful man. + +As the cabriolet drove up to the door, this officer appeared bare-headed +on the pavement, crying aloud 'Room for the chairman, room for the +chairman, if you please!' much to the admiration of the bystanders, +who, it is needless to say, had their attention directed to the +Anglo-Bengalee Company thenceforth, by that means. Mr Tigg leaped +gracefully out, followed by the Managing Director (who was by this time +very distant and respectful), and ascended the stairs, still preceded by +the porter, who cried as he went, 'By your leave there! by your leave! +The Chairman of the Board, Gentle--MEN! In like manner, but in a still +more stentorian voice, he ushered the chairman through the public +office, where some humble clients were transacting business, into +an awful chamber, labelled Board-room; the door of which sanctuary +immediately closed, and screened the great capitalist from vulgar eyes. + +The board-room had a Turkey carpet in it, a sideboard, a portrait of +Tigg Montague, Esquire, as chairman; a very imposing chair of office, +garnished with an ivory hammer and a little hand-bell; and a long table, +set out at intervals with sheets of blotting-paper, foolscap, clean +pens, and inkstands. The chairman having taken his seat with great +solemnity, the secretary supported him on his right hand, and the porter +stood bolt upright behind them, forming a warm background of waistcoat. +This was the board: everything else being a light-hearted little +fiction. + +'Bullamy!' said Mr Tigg. + +'Sir!' replied the porter. + +'Let the Medical Officer know, with my compliments, that I wish to see +him.' + +Bullamy cleared his throat, and bustled out into the office, crying 'The +Chairman of the Board wishes to see the Medical Officer. By your leave +there! By your leave!' He soon returned with the gentleman in question; +and at both openings of the board-room door--at his coming in and at +his going out--simple clients were seen to stretch their necks and +stand upon their toes, thirsting to catch the slightest glimpse of that +mysterious chamber. + +'Jobling, my dear friend!' said Mr Tigg, 'how are you? Bullamy, wait +outside. Crimple, don't leave us. Jobling, my good fellow, I am glad to +see you.' + +'And how are you, Mr Montague, eh?' said the Medical Officer, throwing +himself luxuriously into an easy-chair (they were all easy-chairs in the +board-room), and taking a handsome gold snuff-box from the pocket of his +black satin waistcoat. 'How are you? A little worn with business, eh? If +so, rest. A little feverish from wine, humph? If so, water. Nothing +at all the matter, and quite comfortable? Then take some lunch. A very +wholesome thing at this time of day to strengthen the gastric juices +with lunch, Mr Montague.' + +The Medical Officer (he was the same medical officer who had followed +poor old Anthony Chuzzlewit to the grave, and who had attended Mrs +Gamp's patient at the Bull) smiled in saying these words; and casually +added, as he brushed some grains of snuff from his shirt-frill, 'I +always take it myself about this time of day, do you know!' + +'Bullamy!' said the Chairman, ringing the little bell. + +'Sir!' + +'Lunch.' + +'Not on my account, I hope?' said the doctor. 'You are very good. Thank +you. I'm quite ashamed. Ha, ha! if I had been a sharp practitioner, +Mr Montague, I shouldn't have mentioned it without a fee; for you may +depend upon it, my dear sir, that if you don't make a point of taking +lunch, you'll very soon come under my hands. Allow me to illustrate +this. In Mr Crimple's leg--' + +The resident Director gave an involuntary start, for the doctor, in the +heat of his demonstration, caught it up and laid it across his own, as +if he were going to take it off, then and there. + +'In Mr Crimple's leg, you'll observe,' pursued the doctor, turning back +his cuffs and spanning the limb with both hands, 'where Mr Crimple's +knee fits into the socket, here, there is--that is to say, between the +bone and the socket--a certain quantity of animal oil.' + +'What do you pick MY leg out for?' said Mr Crimple, looking with +something of an anxious expression at his limb. 'It's the same with +other legs, ain't it?' + +'Never you mind, my good sir,' returned the doctor, shaking his head, +'whether it is the same with other legs, or not the same.' + +'But I do mind,' said David. + +'I take a particular case, Mr Montague,' returned the doctor, 'as +illustrating my remark, you observe. In this portion of Mr Crimple's +leg, sir, there is a certain amount of animal oil. In every one of Mr +Crimple's joints, sir, there is more or less of the same deposit. Very +good. If Mr Crimple neglects his meals, or fails to take his proper +quantity of rest, that oil wanes, and becomes exhausted. What is the +consequence? Mr Crimple's bones sink down into their sockets, sir, and +Mr Crimple becomes a weazen, puny, stunted, miserable man!' + +The doctor let Mr Crimple's leg fall suddenly, as if he were already in +that agreeable condition; turned down his wristbands again, and looked +triumphantly at the chairman. + +'We know a few secrets of nature in our profession, sir,' said the +doctor. 'Of course we do. We study for that; we pass the Hall and the +College for that; and we take our station in society BY that. It's +extraordinary how little is known on these subjects generally. Where +do you suppose, now'--the doctor closed one eye, as he leaned back +smilingly in his chair, and formed a triangle with his hands, of which +his two thumbs composed the base--'where do you suppose Mr Crimple's +stomach is?' + +Mr Crimple, more agitated than before, clapped his hand immediately +below his waistcoat. + +'Not at all,' cried the doctor; 'not at all. Quite a popular mistake! My +good sir, you're altogether deceived.' + +'I feel it there, when it's out of order; that's all I know,' said +Crimple. + +'You think you do,' replied the doctor; 'but science knows better. There +was a patient of mine once,' touching one of the many mourning rings +upon his fingers, and slightly bowing his head, 'a gentleman who did +me the honour to make a very handsome mention of me in his will--"in +testimony," as he was pleased to say, "of the unremitting zeal, talent, +and attention of my friend and medical attendant, John Jobling, Esquire, +M.R.C.S.,"--who was so overcome by the idea of having all his life +laboured under an erroneous view of the locality of this important +organ, that when I assured him on my professional reputation, he was +mistaken, he burst into tears, put out his hand, and said, "Jobling, +God bless you!" Immediately afterwards he became speechless, and was +ultimately buried at Brixton.' + +'By your leave there!' cried Bullamy, without. 'By your leave! +Refreshment for the Board-room!' + +'Ha!' said the doctor, jocularly, as he rubbed his hands, and drew his +chair nearer to the table. 'The true Life Assurance, Mr Montague. The +best Policy in the world, my dear sir. We should be provident, and eat +and drink whenever we can. Eh, Mr Crimple?' + +The resident Director acquiesced rather sulkily, as if the gratification +of replenishing his stomach had been impaired by the unsettlement of his +preconceived opinions in reference to its situation. But the appearance +of the porter and under-porter with a tray covered with a snow-white +cloth, which, being thrown back, displayed a pair of cold roast fowls, +flanked by some potted meats and a cool salad, quickly restored his +good humour. It was enhanced still further by the arrival of a bottle +of excellent madeira, and another of champagne; and he soon attacked +the repast with an appetite scarcely inferior to that of the medical +officer. + +The lunch was handsomely served, with a profusion of rich glass plate, +and china; which seemed to denote that eating and drinking on a showy +scale formed no unimportant item in the business of the Anglo-Bengalee +Directorship. As it proceeded, the Medical Officer grew more and more +joyous and red-faced, insomuch that every mouthful he ate, and every +drop of wine he swallowed, seemed to impart new lustre to his eyes, and +to light up new sparks in his nose and forehead. + +In certain quarters of the City and its neighbourhood, Mr Jobling was, +as we have already seen in some measure, a very popular character. He +had a portentously sagacious chin, and a pompous voice, with a rich +huskiness in some of its tones that went directly to the heart, like a +ray of light shining through the ruddy medium of choice old burgundy. +His neckerchief and shirt-frill were ever of the whitest, his clothes of +the blackest and sleekest, his gold watch-chain of the heaviest, and +his seals of the largest. His boots, which were always of the brightest, +creaked as he walked. Perhaps he could shake his head, rub his hands, +or warm himself before a fire, better than any man alive; and he had a +peculiar way of smacking his lips and saying, 'Ah!' at intervals while +patients detailed their symptoms, which inspired great confidence. It +seemed to express, 'I know what you're going to say better than you do; +but go on, go on.' As he talked on all occasions whether he had anything +to say or not, it was unanimously observed of him that he was 'full of +anecdote;' and his experience and profit from it were considered, for +the same reason, to be something much too extensive for description. His +female patients could never praise him too highly; and the coldest of +his male admirers would always say this for him to their friends, 'that +whatever Jobling's professional skill might be (and it could not be +denied that he had a very high reputation), he was one of the most +comfortable fellows you ever saw in your life!' + +Jobling was for many reasons, and not last in the list because his +connection lay principally among tradesmen and their families, exactly +the sort of person whom the Anglo-Bengalee Company wanted for a medical +officer. But Jobling was far too knowing to connect himself with the +company in any closer ties than as a paid (and well paid) functionary, +or to allow his connection to be misunderstood abroad, if he could help +it. Hence he always stated the case to an inquiring patient, after this +manner: + +'Why, my dear sir, with regard to the Anglo-Bengalee, my information, +you see, is limited; very limited. I am the medical officer, in +consideration of a certain monthly payment. The labourer is worthy of +his hire; BIS DAT QUI CITO DAT'--('classical scholar, Jobling!' thinks +the patient, 'well-read man!')--'and I receive it regularly. Therefore +I am bound, so far as my own knowledge goes, to speak well of the +establishment.' ('Nothing can be fairer than Jobling's conduct,' thinks +the patient, who has just paid Jobling's bill himself.) 'If you put +any question to me, my dear friend,' says the doctor, 'touching the +responsibility or capital of the company, there I am at fault; for I +have no head for figures, and not being a shareholder, am delicate of +showing any curiosity whatever on the subject. Delicacy--your +amiable lady will agree with me I am sure--should be one of the first +characteristics of a medical man.' ('Nothing can be finer or more +gentlemanly than Jobling's feeling,' thinks the patient.) 'Very good, +my dear sir, so the matter stands. You don't know Mr Montague? I'm sorry +for it. A remarkably handsome man, and quite the gentleman in every +respect. Property, I am told, in India. House and everything belonging +to him, beautiful. Costly furniture on the most elegant and lavish +scale. And pictures, which, even in an anatomical point of view, are +perfection. In case you should ever think of doing anything with the +company, I'll pass you, you may depend upon it. I can conscientiously +report you a healthy subject. If I understand any man's constitution, it +is yours; and this little indisposition has done him more good, +ma'am,' says the doctor, turning to the patient's wife, 'than if he had +swallowed the contents of half the nonsensical bottles in my surgery. +For they ARE nonsense--to tell the honest truth, one half of them are +nonsense--compared with such a constitution as his!' ('Jobling is the +most friendly creature I ever met with in my life,' thinks the patient; +'and upon my word and honour, I'll consider of it!') + +'Commission to you, doctor, on four new policies, and a loan this +morning, eh?' said Crimple, looking, when they had finished lunch, over +some papers brought in by the porter. 'Well done!' + +'Jobling, my dear friend,' said Tigg, 'long life to you.' + +'No, no. Nonsense. Upon my word I've no right to draw the commission,' +said the doctor, 'I haven't really. It's picking your pocket. I don't +recommend anybody here. I only say what I know. My patients ask me what +I know, and I tell 'em what I know. Nothing else. Caution is my weak +side, that's the truth; and always was from a boy. That is,' said the +doctor, filling his glass, 'caution in behalf of other people. Whether I +would repose confidence in this company myself, if I had not been paying +money elsewhere for many years--that's quite another question.' + +He tried to look as if there were no doubt about it; but feeling that he +did it but indifferently, changed the theme and praised the wine. + +'Talking of wine,' said the doctor, 'reminds me of one of the finest +glasses of light old port I ever drank in my life; and that was at a +funeral. You have not seen anything of--of THAT party, Mr Montague, have +you?' handing him a card. + +'He is not buried, I hope?' said Tigg, as he took it. 'The honour of his +company is not requested if he is.' + +'Ha, ha!' laughed the doctor. 'No; not quite. He was honourably +connected with that very occasion though.' + +'Oh!' said Tigg, smoothing his moustache, as he cast his eyes upon the +name. 'I recollect. No. He has not been here.' + +The words were on his lips, when Bullamy entered, and presented a card +to the Medical Officer. + +'Talk of the what's his name--' observed the doctor rising. + +'And he's sure to appear, eh?' said Tigg. + +'Why, no, Mr Montague, no,' returned the doctor. 'We will not say that +in the present case, for this gentleman is very far from it.' + +'So much the better,' retorted Tigg. 'So much the more adaptable to the +Anglo-Bengalee. Bullamy, clear the table and take the things out by the +other door. Mr Crimple, business.' + +'Shall I introduce him?' asked Jobling. + +'I shall be eternally delighted,' answered Tigg, kissing his hand and +smiling sweetly. + +The doctor disappeared into the outer office, and immediately returned +with Jonas Chuzzlewit. + +'Mr Montague,' said Jobling. 'Allow me. My friend Mr Chuzzlewit. My dear +friend--our chairman. Now do you know,' he added checking himself with +infinite policy, and looking round with a smile; 'that's a very singular +instance of the force of example. It really is a very remarkable +instance of the force of example. I say OUR chairman. Why do I say our +chairman? Because he is not MY chairman, you know. I have no connection +with the company, farther than giving them, for a certain fee and +reward, my poor opinion as a medical man, precisely as I may give it any +day to Jack Noakes or Tom Styles. Then why do I say our chairman? Simply +because I hear the phrase constantly repeated about me. Such is the +involuntary operation of the mental faculty in the imitative biped man. +Mr Crimple, I believe you never take snuff? Injudicious. You should.' + +Pending these remarks on the part of the doctor, and the lengthened and +sonorous pinch with which he followed them up, Jonas took a seat at +the board; as ungainly a man as ever he has been within the reader's +knowledge. It is too common with all of us, but it is especially in +the nature of a mean mind, to be overawed by fine clothes and fine +furniture. They had a very decided influence on Jonas. + +'Now you two gentlemen have business to discuss, I know,' said the +doctor, 'and your time is precious. So is mine; for several lives are +waiting for me in the next room, and I have a round of visits to make +after--after I have taken 'em. Having had the happiness to introduce you +to each other, I may go about my business. Good-bye. But allow me, Mr +Montague, before I go, to say this of my friend who sits beside you: +That gentleman has done more, sir,' rapping his snuff-box solemnly, 'to +reconcile me to human nature, than any man alive or dead. Good-bye!' + +With these words Jobling bolted abruptly out of the room, and proceeded +in his own official department, to impress the lives in waiting with a +sense of his keen conscientiousness in the discharge of his duty, and +the great difficulty of getting into the Anglo-Bengalee; by feeling +their pulses, looking at their tongues, listening at their ribs, +poking them in the chest, and so forth; though, if he didn't well know +beforehand that whatever kind of lives they were, the Anglo-Bengalee +would accept them readily, he was far from being the Jobling that his +friend considered him; and was not the original Jobling, but a spurious +imitation. + +Mr Crimple also departed on the business of the morning; and Jonas +Chuzzlewit and Tigg were left alone. + +'I learn from our friend,' said Tigg, drawing his chair towards Jonas +with a winning ease of manner, 'that you have been thinking--' + +'Oh! Ecod then he'd no right to say so,' cried Jonas, interrupting. +'I didn't tell HIM my thoughts. If he took it into his head that I was +coming here for such or such a purpose, why, that's his lookout. I don't +stand committed by that.' + +Jonas said this offensively enough; for over and above the habitual +distrust of his character, it was in his nature to seek to revenge +himself on the fine clothes and the fine furniture, in exact proportion +as he had been unable to withstand their influence. + +'If I come here to ask a question or two, and get a document or two to +consider of, I don't bind myself to anything. Let's understand that, you +know,' said Jonas. + +'My dear fellow!' cried Tigg, clapping him on the shoulder, 'I applaud +your frankness. If men like you and I speak openly at first, all +possible misunderstanding is avoided. Why should I disguise what you +know so well, but what the crowd never dream of? We companies are all +birds of prey; mere birds of prey. The only question is, whether in +serving our own turn, we can serve yours too; whether in double-lining +our own nest, we can put a single living into yours. Oh, you're in our +secret. You're behind the scenes. We'll make a merit of dealing plainly +with you, when we know we can't help it.' + +It was remarked, on the first introduction of Mr Jonas into these pages, +that there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity of +innocence, and that in all matters involving a faith in knavery, he was +the most credulous of men. If Mr Tigg had preferred any claim to high +and honourable dealing, Jonas would have suspected him though he had +been a very model of probity; but when he gave utterance to Jonas's own +thoughts of everything and everybody, Jonas began to feel that he was a +pleasant fellow, and one to be talked to freely. + +He changed his position in the chair, not for a less awkward, but for a +more boastful attitude; and smiling in his miserable conceit rejoined: + +'You an't a bad man of business, Mr Montague. You know how to set about +it, I WILL say.' + +'Tut, tut,' said Tigg, nodding confidentially, and showing his white +teeth; 'we are not children, Mr Chuzzlewit; we are grown men, I hope.' + +Jonas assented, and said after a short silence, first spreading out his +legs, and sticking one arm akimbo to show how perfectly at home he was, + +'The truth is--' + +'Don't say, the truth,' interposed Tigg, with another grin. 'It's so +like humbug.' + +Greatly charmed by this, Jonas began again. + +'The long and the short of it is--' + +'Better,' muttered Tigg. 'Much better!' + +'--That I didn't consider myself very well used by one or two of the old +companies in some negotiations I have had with 'em--once had, I mean. +They started objections they had no right to start, and put questions +they had no right to put, and carried things much too high for my +taste.' + +As he made these observations he cast down his eyes, and looked +curiously at the carpet. Mr Tigg looked curiously at him. + +He made so long a pause, that Tigg came to the rescue, and said, in his +pleasantest manner: + +'Take a glass of wine.' + +'No, no,' returned Jonas, with a cunning shake of the head; 'none of +that, thankee. No wine over business. All very well for you, but it +wouldn't do for me.' + +'What an old hand you are, Mr Chuzzlewit!' said Tigg, leaning back in +his chair, and leering at him through his half-shut eyes. + +Jonas shook his head again, as much as to say, 'You're right there;' And +then resumed, jocosely: + +'Not such an old hand, either, but that I've been and got married. +That's rather green, you'll say. Perhaps it is, especially as she's +young. But one never knows what may happen to these women, so I'm +thinking of insuring her life. It is but fair, you know, that a man +should secure some consolation in case of meeting with such a loss.' + +'If anything can console him under such heart-breaking circumstances,' +murmured Tigg, with his eyes shut up as before. + +'Exactly,' returned Jonas; 'if anything can. Now, supposing I did it +here, I should do it cheap, I know, and easy, without bothering her +about it; which I'd much rather not do, for it's just in a woman's way +to take it into her head, if you talk to her about such things, that +she's going to die directly.' + +'So it is,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand in honour of the sex. 'You're +quite right. Sweet, silly, fluttering little simpletons!' + +'Well,' said Jonas, 'on that account, you know, and because offence +has been given me in other quarters, I wouldn't mind patronizing this +Company. But I want to know what sort of security there is for the +Company's going on. That's the--' + +'Not the truth?' cried Tigg, holding up his jewelled hand. 'Don't use +that Sunday School expression, please!' + +'The long and the short of it,' said Jonas. 'The long and the short of +it is, what's the security?' + +'The paid-up capital, my dear sir,' said Tigg, referring to some papers +on the table, 'is, at this present moment--' + +'Oh! I understand all about paid-up capitals, you know,' said Jonas. + +'You do?' cried Tigg, stopping short. + +'I should hope so.' + +He turned the papers down again, and moving nearer to him, said in his +ear: + +'I know you do. I know you do. Look at me!' + +It was not much in Jonas's way to look straight at anybody; but thus +requested, he made shift to take a tolerable survey of the chairman's +features. The chairman fell back a little, to give him the better +opportunity. + +'You know me?' he inquired, elevating his eyebrows. 'You recollect? +You've seen me before?' + +'Why, I thought I remembered your face when I first came in,' said +Jonas, gazing at it; 'but I couldn't call to mind where I had seen it. +No. I don't remember, even now. Was it in the street?' + +'Was it in Pecksniff's parlour?' said Tigg + +'In Pecksniff's parlour!' echoed Jonas, fetching a long breath. 'You +don't mean when--' + +'Yes,' cried Tigg, 'when there was a very charming and delightful little +family party, at which yourself and your respected father assisted.' + +'Well, never mind HIM,' said Jonas. 'He's dead, and there's no help for +it.' + +'Dead, is he!' cried Tigg, 'Venerable old gentleman, is he dead! You're +very like him.' + +Jonas received this compliment with anything but a good grace, perhaps +because of his own private sentiments in reference to the personal +appearance of his deceased parent; perhaps because he was not best +pleased to find that Montague and Tigg were one. That gentleman +perceived it, and tapping him familiarly on the sleeve, beckoned him +to the window. From this moment, Mr Montague's jocularity and flow of +spirits were remarkable. + +'Do you find me at all changed since that time?' he asked. 'Speak +plainly.' + +Jonas looked hard at his waistcoat and jewels; and said 'Rather, ecod!' + +'Was I at all seedy in those days?' asked Montague. + +'Precious seedy,' said Jonas. + +Mr Montague pointed down into the street, where Bailey and the cab were +in attendance. + +'Neat; perhaps dashing. Do you know whose it is?' + +'No.' + +'Mine. Do you like this room?' + +'It must have cost a lot of money,' said Jonas. + +'You're right. Mine too. Why don't you'--he whispered this, and nudged +him in the side with his elbow--'why don't you take premiums, instead of +paying 'em? That's what a man like you should do. Join us!' + +Jonas stared at him in amazement. + +'Is that a crowded street?' asked Montague, calling his attention to the +multitude without. + +'Very,' said Jonas, only glancing at it, and immediately afterwards +looking at him again. + +'There are printed calculations,' said his companion, 'which will +tell you pretty nearly how many people will pass up and down that +thoroughfare in the course of a day. I can tell you how many of 'em will +come in here, merely because they find this office here; knowing no more +about it than they do of the Pyramids. Ha, ha! Join us. You shall come +in cheap.' + +Jonas looked at him harder and harder. + +'I can tell you,' said Tigg in his ear, 'how many of 'em will buy +annuities, effect insurances, bring us their money in a hundred shapes +and ways, force it upon us, trust us as if we were the Mint; yet know no +more about us than you do of that crossing-sweeper at the corner. Not so +much. Ha, ha!' + +Jonas gradually broke into a smile. + +'Yah!' said Montague, giving him a pleasant thrust in the breast; +'you're too deep for us, you dog, or I wouldn't have told you. Dine with +me to-morrow, in Pall Mall!' + +'I will' said Jonas. + +'Done!' cried Montague. 'Wait a bit. Take these papers with you and look +'em over. See,' he said, snatching some printed forms from the table. 'B +is a little tradesman, clerk, parson, artist, author, any common thing +you like.' + +'Yes,' said Jonas, looking greedily over his shoulder. 'Well!' + +'B wants a loan. Say fifty or a hundred pound; perhaps more; no matter. +B proposes self and two securities. B is accepted. Two securities give +a bond. B assures his own life for double the amount, and brings two +friends' lives also--just to patronize the office. Ha ha, ha! Is that a +good notion?' + +'Ecod, that's a capital notion!' cried Jonas. 'But does he really do +it?' + +'Do it!' repeated the chairman. 'B's hard up, my good fellow, and will +do anything. Don't you see? It's my idea.' + +'It does you honour. I'm blest if it don't,' said Jonas. + +'I think it does,' replied the chairman, 'and I'm proud to hear you say +so. B pays the highest lawful interest--' + +'That an't much,' interrupted Jonas. + +'Right! quite right!' retorted Tigg. 'And hard it is upon the part +of the law that it should be so confoundedly down upon us unfortunate +victims; when it takes such amazing good interest for itself from all +its clients. But charity begins at home, and justice begins next door. +Well! The law being hard upon us, we're not exactly soft upon B; for +besides charging B the regular interest, we get B's premium, and B's +friends' premiums, and we charge B for the bond, and, whether we accept +him or not, we charge B for "inquiries" (we keep a man, at a pound a +week, to make 'em), and we charge B a trifle for the secretary; and in +short, my good fellow, we stick it into B, up hill and down dale, and +make a devilish comfortable little property out of him. Ha, ha, ha! I +drive B, in point of fact,' said Tigg, pointing to the cabriolet, 'and a +thoroughbred horse he is. Ha, ha, ha!' + +Jonas enjoyed this joke very much indeed. It was quite in his peculiar +vein of humour. + +'Then,' said Tigg Montague, 'we grant annuities on the very lowest and +most advantageous terms known in the money market; and the old ladies +and gentlemen down in the country buy 'em. Ha, ha, ha! And we pay 'em +too--perhaps. Ha, ha, ha!' + +'But there's responsibility in that,' said Jonas, looking doubtful. + +'I take it all myself,' said Tigg Montague. 'Here I am responsible for +everything. The only responsible person in the establishment! Ha, +ha, ha! Then there are the Life Assurances without loans; the common +policies. Very profitable, very comfortable. Money down, you know; +repeated every year; capital fun!' + +'But when they begin to fall in,' observed Jonas. 'It's all very well, +while the office is young, but when the policies begin to die--that's +what I am thinking of.' + +'At the first start, my dear fellow,' said Montague, 'to show you how +correct your judgment is, we had a couple of unlucky deaths that brought +us down to a grand piano.' + +'Brought you down where?' cried Jonas. + +'I give you my sacred word of honour,' said Tigg Montague, 'that I +raised money on every other individual piece of property, and was left +alone in the world with a grand piano. And it was an upright-grand too, +so that I couldn't even sit upon it. But, my dear fellow, we got over +it. We granted a great many new policies that week (liberal allowance +to solicitors, by the bye), and got over it in no time. Whenever they +should chance to fall in heavily, as you very justly observe they may, +one of these days; then--' he finished the sentence in so low a whisper, +that only one disconnected word was audible, and that imperfectly. But +it sounded like 'Bolt.' + +'Why, you're as bold as brass!' said Jonas, in the utmost admiration. + +'A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he +gets gold in exchange!' cried the chairman, with a laugh that shook him +from head to foot. 'You'll dine with me to-morrow?' + +'At what time?' asked Jonas. + +'Seven. Here's my card. Take the documents. I see you'll join us!' + +'I don't know about that,' said Jonas. 'There's a good deal to be looked +into first.' + +'You shall look,' said Montague, slapping him on the back, 'into +anything and everything you please. But you'll join us, I am convinced. +You were made for it. Bullamy!' + +Obedient to the summons and the little bell, the waistcoat appeared. +Being charged to show Jonas out, it went before; and the voice within it +cried, as usual, 'By your leave there, by your leave! Gentleman from the +board-room, by your leave!' + +Mr Montague being left alone, pondered for some moments, and then said, +raising his voice: + +'Is Nadgett in the office there?' + +'Here he is, sir.' And he promptly entered; shutting the board-room door +after him, as carefully as if he were about to plot a murder. + +He was the man at a pound a week who made the inquiries. It was no +virtue or merit in Nadgett that he transacted all his Anglo-Bengalee +business secretly and in the closest confidence; for he was born to be +a secret. He was a short, dried-up, withered old man, who seemed to have +secreted his very blood; for nobody would have given him credit for the +possession of six ounces of it in his whole body. How he lived was a +secret; where he lived was a secret; and even what he was, was a secret. +In his musty old pocket-book he carried contradictory cards, in some of +which he called himself a coal-merchant, in others a wine-merchant, +in others a commission-agent, in others a collector, in others an +accountant; as if he really didn't know the secret himself. He was +always keeping appointments in the City, and the other man never seemed +to come. He would sit on 'Change for hours, looking at everybody who +walked in and out, and would do the like at Garraway's, and in other +business coffee-rooms, in some of which he would be occasionally seen +drying a very damp pocket-handkerchief before the fire, and still +looking over his shoulder for the man who never appeared. He was +mildewed, threadbare, shabby; always had flue upon his legs and back; +and kept his linen so secretly buttoning up and wrapping over, that he +might have had none--perhaps he hadn't. He carried one stained beaver +glove, which he dangled before him by the forefinger as he walked or +sat; but even its fellow was a secret. Some people said he had been a +bankrupt, others that he had gone an infant into an ancient Chancery +suit which was still depending, but it was all a secret. He carried bits +of sealing-wax and a hieroglyphical old copper seal in his pocket, and +often secretly indited letters in corner boxes of the trysting-places +before mentioned; but they never appeared to go to anybody, for he would +put them into a secret place in his coat, and deliver them to himself +weeks afterwards, very much to his own surprise, quite yellow. He was +that sort of man that if he had died worth a million of money, or had +died worth twopence halfpenny, everybody would have been perfectly +satisfied, and would have said it was just as they expected. And yet +he belonged to a class; a race peculiar to the City; who are secrets as +profound to one another, as they are to the rest of mankind. + +'Mr Nadgett,' said Montague, copying Jonas Chuzzlewit's address upon a +piece of paper, from the card which was still lying on the table, 'any +information about this name, I shall be glad to have myself. Don't you +mind what it is. Any you can scrape together, bring me. Bring it to me, +Mr Nadgett.' + +Nadgett put on his spectacles, and read the name attentively; then +looked at the chairman over his glasses, and bowed; then took them off, +and put them in their case; and then put the case in his pocket. When he +had done so, he looked, without his spectacles, at the paper as it lay +before him, and at the same time produced his pocket-book from somewhere +about the middle of his spine. Large as it was, it was very full of +documents, but he found a place for this one; and having clasped it +carefully, passed it by a kind of solemn legerdemain into the same +region as before. + +He withdrew with another bow and without a word; opening the door +no wider than was sufficient for his passage out; and shutting it as +carefully as before. The chairman of the board employed the rest of the +morning in affixing his sign-manual of gracious acceptance to various +new proposals of annuity-purchase and assurance. The Company was looking +up, for they flowed in gayly. + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT + +MR MONTAGUE AT HOME. AND MR JONAS CHUZZLEWIT AT HOME + + +There were many powerful reasons for Jonas Chuzzlewit being strongly +prepossessed in favour of the scheme which its great originator had so +boldly laid open to him; but three among them stood prominently forward. +Firstly, there was money to be made by it. Secondly, the money had the +peculiar charm of being sagaciously obtained at other people's cost. +Thirdly, it involved much outward show of homage and distinction: a +board being an awful institution in its own sphere, and a director a +mighty man. 'To make a swingeing profit, have a lot of chaps to order +about, and get into regular good society by one and the same means, and +them so easy to one's hand, ain't such a bad look-out,' thought +Jonas. The latter considerations were only second to his avarice; for, +conscious that there was nothing in his person, conduct, character, or +accomplishments, to command respect, he was greedy of power, and was, in +his heart, as much a tyrant as any laureled conqueror on record. + +But he determined to proceed with cunning and caution, and to be very +keen on his observation of the gentility of Mr Montague's private +establishment. For it no more occurred to this shallow knave that +Montague wanted him to be so, or he wouldn't have invited him while his +decision was yet in abeyance, than the possibility of that genius being +able to overreach him in any way, pierced through his self-deceit by the +inlet of a needle's point. He had said, in the outset, that Jonas +was too sharp for him; and Jonas, who would have been sharp enough to +believe him in nothing else, though he had solemnly sworn it, believed +him in that, instantly. + +It was with a faltering hand, and yet with an imbecile attempt at a +swagger, that he knocked at his new friend's door in Pall Mall when the +appointed hour arrived. Mr Bailey quickly answered to the summons. He +was not proud and was kindly disposed to take notice of Jonas; but Jonas +had forgotten him. + +'Mr Montague at home?' + +'I should hope he wos at home, and waiting dinner, too,' said Bailey, +with the ease of an old acquaintance. 'Will you take your hat up along +with you, or leave it here?' + +Mr Jonas preferred leaving it there. + +'The hold name, I suppose?' said Bailey, with a grin. + +Mr Jonas stared at him in mute indignation. + +'What, don't you remember hold mother Todgers's?' said Mr Bailey, with +his favourite action of the knees and boots. 'Don't you remember my +taking your name up to the young ladies, when you came a-courting there? +A reg'lar scaly old shop, warn't it? Times is changed ain't they. I say +how you've growed!' + +Without pausing for any acknowledgement of this compliment, he ushered +the visitor upstairs, and having announced him, retired with a private +wink. + +The lower story of the house was occupied by a wealthy tradesman, but +Mr Montague had all the upper portion, and splendid lodging it was. The +room in which he received Jonas was a spacious and elegant apartment, +furnished with extreme magnificence; decorated with pictures, copies +from the antique in alabaster and marble, china vases, lofty mirrors, +crimson hangings of the richest silk, gilded carvings, luxurious +couches, glistening cabinets inlaid with precious woods; costly toys of +every sort in negligent abundance. The only guests besides Jonas +were the doctor, the resident Director, and two other gentlemen, whom +Montague presented in due form. + +'My dear friend, I am delighted to see you. Jobling you know, I +believe?' + +'I think so,' said the doctor pleasantly, as he stepped out of the +circle to shake hands. 'I trust I have the honour. I hope so. My dear +sir, I see you well. Quite well? THAT'S well!' + +'Mr Wolf,' said Montague, as soon as the doctor would allow him to +introduce the two others, 'Mr Chuzzlewit. Mr Pip, Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +Both gentlemen were exceedingly happy to have the honour of making Mr +Chuzzlewit's acquaintance. The doctor drew Jonas a little apart, and +whispered behind his hand: + +'Men of the world, my dear sir--men of the world. Hem! Mr Wolf--literary +character--you needn't mention it--remarkably clever weekly paper--oh, +remarkably clever! Mr Pip--theatrical man--capital man to know--oh, +capital man!' + +'Well!' said Wolf, folding his arms and resuming a conversation which +the arrival of Jonas had interrupted. 'And what did Lord Nobley say to +that?' + +'Why,' returned Pip, with an oath. 'He didn't know what to say. Same, +sir, if he wasn't as mute as a poker. But you know what a good fellow +Nobley is!' + +'The best fellow in the world!' cried Wolf. 'It as only last week that +Nobley said to me, "By Gad, Wolf, I've got a living to bestow, and if +you had but been brought up at the University, strike me blind if I +wouldn't have made a parson of you!"' + +'Just like him,' said Pip with another oath. 'And he'd have done it!' + +'Not a doubt of it,' said Wolf. 'But you were going to tell us--' + +'Oh, yes!' cried Pip. 'To be sure. So I was. At first he was dumb--sewn +up, dead, sir--but after a minute he said to the Duke, "Here's Pip. +Ask Pip. Pip's our mutual friend. Ask Pip. He knows." "Damme!" said the +Duke, "I appeal to Pip then. Come, Pip. Bandy or not bandy? Speak out!" +"Bandy, your Grace, by the Lord Harry!" said I. "Ha, ha!" laughed the +Duke. "To be sure she is. Bravo, Pip. Well said Pip. I wish I may die +if you're not a trump, Pip. Pop me down among your fashionable visitors +whenever I'm in town, Pip." And so I do, to this day.' + +The conclusion of this story gave immense satisfaction, which was in +no degree lessened by the announcement of dinner. Jonas repaired to the +dining room, along with his distinguished host, and took his seat at the +board between that individual and his friend the doctor. The rest fell +into their places like men who were well accustomed to the house; and +dinner was done full justice to, by all parties. + +It was a good a one as money (or credit, no matter which) could produce. +The dishes, wines, and fruits were of the choicest kind. Everything was +elegantly served. The plate was gorgeous. Mr Jonas was in the midst of +a calculation of the value of this item alone, when his host disturbed +him. + +'A glass of wine?' + +'Oh!' said Jonas, who had had several glasses already. 'As much of that +as you like! It's too good to refuse.' + +'Well said, Mr Chuzzlewit!' cried Wolf. + +'Tom Gag, upon my soul!' said Pip. + +'Positively, you know, that's--ha, ha, ha!' observed the doctor, laying +down his knife and fork for one instant, and then going to work again, +pell-mell--'that's epigrammatic; quite!' + +'You're tolerably comfortable, I hope?' said Tigg, apart to Jonas. + +'Oh! You needn't trouble your head about ME,' he replied, 'Famous!' + +'I thought it best not to have a party,' said Tigg. 'You feel that?' + +'Why, what do you call this?' retorted Jonas. 'You don't mean to say you +do this every day, do you?' + +'My dear fellow,' said Montague, shrugging his shoulders, 'every day of +my life, when I dine at home. This is my common style. It was of no use +having anything uncommon for you. You'd have seen through it. "You'll +have a party?" said Crimple. "No, I won't," I said, "he shall take us in +the rough!" + +'And pretty smooth, too, ecod!' said Jonas, glancing round the table. +'This don't cost a trifle.' + +'Why, to be candid with you, it does not,' returned the other. 'But I +like this sort of thing. It's the way I spend my money.' + +Jonas thrust his tongue into his cheek, and said, 'Was it?' + +'When you join us, you won't get rid of your share of the profits in the +same way?' said Tigg. + +'Quite different,' retorted Jonas. + +'Well, and you're right,' said Tigg, with friendly candour. 'You +needn't. It's not necessary. One of a Company must do it to hold +the connection together; but, as I take a pleasure in it, that's my +department. You don't mind dining expensively at another man's expense, +I hope?' + +'Not a bit,' said Jonas. + +'Then I hope you'll often dine with me?' + +'Ah!' said Jonas, 'I don't mind. On the contrary.' + +'And I'll never attempt to talk business to you over wine, I take my +oath,' said Tigg. 'Oh deep, deep, deep of you this morning! I must tell +'em that. They're the very men to enjoy it. Pip, my good fellow, I've +a splendid little trait to tell you of my friend Chuzzlewit who is +the deepest dog I know; I give you my sacred word of honour he is the +deepest dog I know, Pip!' + +Pip swore a frightful oath that he was sure of it already; and +the anecdote, being told, was received with loud applause, as an +incontestable proof of Mr Jonas's greatness. Pip, in a natural spirit of +emulation, then related some instances of his own depth; and Wolf not +to be left behind-hand, recited the leading points of one or two vastly +humorous articles he was then preparing. These lucubrations being of +what he called 'a warm complexion,' were highly approved; and all the +company agreed that they were full of point. + +'Men of the world, my dear sir,' Jobling whispered to Jonas; 'thorough +men of the world! To a professional person like myself it's +quite refreshing to come into this kind of society. It's not only +agreeable--and nothing CAN be more agreeable--but it's philosophically +improving. It's character, my dear sir; character!' + +It is so pleasant to find real merit appreciated, whatever its +particular walk in life may be, that the general harmony of the company +was doubtless much promoted by their knowing that the two men of the +world were held in great esteem by the upper classes of society, and +by the gallant defenders of their country in the army and navy, but +particularly the former. The least of their stories had a colonel in it; +lords were as plentiful as oaths; and even the Blood Royal ran in the +muddy channel of their personal recollections. + +'Mr Chuzzlewit didn't know him, I'm afraid,' said Wolf, in reference to +a certain personage of illustrious descent, who had previously figured +in a reminiscence. + +'No,' said Tigg. 'But we must bring him into contact with this sort of +fellows.' + +'He was very fond of literature,' observed Wolf. + +'Was he?' said Tigg. + +'Oh, yes; he took my paper regularly for many years. Do you know he +said some good things now and then? He asked a certain Viscount, who's +a friend of mine--Pip knows him--"What's the editor's name, what's the +editor's name?" "Wolf." "Wolf, eh? Sharp biter, Wolf. We must keep the +Wolf from the door, as the proverb says." It was very well. And being +complimentary, I printed it.' + +'But the Viscount's the boy!' cried Pip, who invented a new oath for +the introduction of everything he said. 'The Viscount's the boy! He came +into our place one night to take Her home; rather slued, but not much; +and said, "Where's Pip? I want to see Pip. Produce Pip!"--"What's the +row, my lord?"--"Shakspeare's an infernal humbug, Pip! What's the good +of Shakspeare, Pip? I never read him. What the devil is it all about, +Pip? There's a lot of feet in Shakspeare's verse, but there an't any +legs worth mentioning in Shakspeare's plays, are there, Pip? Juliet, +Desdemona, Lady Macbeth, and all the rest of 'em, whatever their names +are, might as well have no legs at all, for anything the audience know +about it, Pip. Why, in that respect they're all Miss Biffins to the +audience, Pip. I'll tell you what it is. What the people call dramatic +poetry is a collection of sermons. Do I go to the theatre to be +lectured? No, Pip. If I wanted that, I'd go to church. What's the +legitimate object of the drama, Pip? Human nature. What are legs? Human +nature. Then let us have plenty of leg pieces, Pip, and I'll stand by +you, my buck!" and I am proud to say,' added Pip, 'that he DID stand by +me, handsomely.' + +The conversation now becoming general, Mr Jonas's opinion was requested +on this subject; and as it was in full accordance with the sentiments of +Mr Pip, that gentleman was extremely gratified. Indeed, both himself and +Wolf had so much in common with Jonas, that they became very amicable; +and between their increasing friendship and the fumes of wine, Jonas +grew talkative. + +It does not follow in the case of such a person that the more talkative +he becomes, the more agreeable he is; on the contrary, his merits show +to most advantage, perhaps, in silence. Having no means, as he thought, +of putting himself on an equality with the rest, but by the assertion +of that depth and sharpness on which he had been complimented, Jonas +exhibited that faculty to the utmost; and was so deep and sharp that +he lost himself in his own profundity, and cut his fingers with his own +edge-tools. + +It was especially in his way and character to exhibit his quality at his +entertainer's expense; and while he drank of his sparkling wines, and +partook of his monstrous profusion, to ridicule the extravagance which +had set such costly fare before him. Even at such a wanton board, and in +such more than doubtful company, this might have proved a disagreeable +experiment, but that Tigg and Crimple, studying to understand their man +thoroughly, gave him what license he chose: knowing that the more +he took, the better for their purpose. And thus while the blundering +cheat--gull that he was, for all his cunning--thought himself rolled +up hedgehog fashion, with his sharpest points towards them, he was, +in fact, betraying all his vulnerable parts to their unwinking +watchfulness. + +Whether the two gentlemen who contributed so much to the doctor's +philosophical knowledge (by the way, the doctor slipped off quietly, +after swallowing his usual amount of wine) had had their cue distinctly +from the host, or took it from what they saw and heard, they acted +their parts very well. They solicited the honour of Jonas's better +acquaintance; trusted that they would have the pleasure of introducing +him into that elevated society in which he was so well qualified to +shine; and informed him, in the most friendly manner that the advantages +of their respective establishments were entirely at his control. In a +word, they said 'Be one of us!' And Jonas said he was infinitely obliged +to them, and he would be; adding within himself, that so long as they +'stood treat,' there was nothing he would like better. + +After coffee, which was served in the drawing-room, there was a short +interval (mainly sustained by Pip and Wolf) of conversation; rather +highly spiced and strongly seasoned. When it flagged, Jonas took it up +and showed considerable humour in appraising the furniture; inquiring +whether such an article was paid for; what it had originally cost, and +the like. In all of this, he was, as he considered, desperately hard on +Montague, and very demonstrative of his own brilliant parts. + +Some Champagne Punch gave a new though temporary fillip to the +entertainments of the evening. For after leading to some noisy +proceedings, which were not intelligible, it ended in the unsteady +departure of the two gentlemen of the world, and the slumber of Mr Jonas +upon one of the sofas. + +As he could not be made to understand where he was, Mr Bailey received +orders to call a hackney-coach, and take him home; which that young +gentleman roused himself from an uneasy sleep in the hall to do. It +being now almost three o'clock in the morning. + +'Is he hooked, do you think?' whispered Crimple, as himself and partner +stood in a distant part of the room observing him as he lay. + +'Aye!' said Tigg, in the same tone. 'With a strong iron, perhaps. Has +Nadgett been here to-night?' + +'Yes. I went out to him. Hearing you had company, he went away.' + +'Why did he do that?' + +'He said he would come back early in the morning, before you were out of +bed.' + +'Tell them to be sure and send him up to my bedside. Hush! Here's the +boy! Now Mr Bailey, take this gentleman home, and see him safely in. +Hallo, here! Why Chuzzlewit, halloa!' + +They got him upright with some difficulty, and assisted him downstairs, +where they put his hat upon his head, and tumbled him into the coach. +Mr Bailey, having shut him in, mounted the box beside the coachman, and +smoked his cigar with an air of particular satisfaction; the undertaking +in which he was engaged having a free and sporting character about it, +which was quite congenial to his taste. + +Arriving in due time at the house in the City, Mr Bailey jumped down, +and expressed the lively nature of his feelings in a knock the like of +which had probably not been heard in that quarter since the great fire +of London. Going out into the road to observe the effect of this feat, +he saw that a dim light, previously visible at an upper window, had been +already removed and was travelling downstairs. To obtain a foreknowledge +of the bearer of this taper, Mr Bailey skipped back to the door again, +and put his eye to the keyhole. + +It was the merry one herself. But sadly, strangely altered! So careworn +and dejected, so faltering and full of fear; so fallen, humbled, +broken; that to have seen her quiet in her coffin would have been a less +surprise. + +She set the light upon a bracket in the hall, and laid her hand upon her +heart; upon her eyes; upon her burning head. Then she came on towards +the door with such a wild and hurried step that Mr Bailey lost his +self-possession, and still had his eye where the keyhole had been, when +she opened it. + +'Aha!' said Mr Bailey, with an effort. 'There you are, are you? What's +the matter? Ain't you well, though?' + +In the midst of her astonishment as she recognized him in his altered +dress, so much of her old smile came back to her face that Bailey was +glad. But next moment he was sorry again, for he saw tears standing in +her poor dim eyes. + +'Don't be frightened,' said Bailey. 'There ain't nothing the matter. +I've brought home Mr Chuzzlewit. He ain't ill. He's only a little +swipey, you know.' Mr Bailey reeled in his boots, to express +intoxication. + +'Have you come from Mrs Todgers's?' asked Merry, trembling. + +'Todgers's, bless you! No!' cried Mr Bailey. 'I haven't got nothin, to +do with Todgers's. I cut that connection long ago. He's been a-dining +with my governor at the west-end. Didn't you know he was a-coming to see +us?' + +'No,' she said, faintly. + +'Oh yes! We're heavy swells too, and so I tell you. Don't you come out, +a-catching cold in your head. I'll wake him!' Mr Bailey expressing in +his demeanour a perfect confidence that he could carry him in with ease, +if necessary, opened the coach door, let down the steps, and giving +Jonas a shake, cried 'We've got home, my flower! Tumble up, then!' + +He was so far recovered as to be able to respond to this appeal, and +to come stumbling out of the coach in a heap, to the great hazard of Mr +Bailey's person. When he got upon the pavement, Mr Bailey first butted +at him in front, and then dexterously propped him up behind; and having +steadied him by these means, he assisted him into the house. + +'You go up first with the light,' said Bailey to Mr Jonas, 'and we'll +foller. Don't tremble so. He won't hurt you. When I've had a drop too +much, I'm full of good natur myself.' + +She went on before; and her husband and Bailey, by dint of tumbling +over each other, and knocking themselves about, got at last into the +sitting-room above stairs, where Jonas staggered into a seat. + +'There!' said Mr Bailey. 'He's all right now. You ain't got nothing to +cry for, bless you! He's righter than a trivet!' + +The ill-favoured brute, with dress awry, and sodden face, and rumpled +hair, sat blinking and drooping, and rolling his idiotic eyes about, +until, becoming conscious by degrees, he recognized his wife, and shook +his fist at her. + +'Ah!' cried Mr Bailey, squaring his arms with a sudden emotion. 'What, +you're wicious, are you? Would you though! You'd better not!' + +'Pray, go away!' said Merry. 'Bailey, my good boy, go home. Jonas!' she +said; timidly laying her hand upon his shoulder, and bending her head +down over him. 'Jonas!' + +'Look at her!' cried Jonas, pushing her off with his extended arm. 'Look +here! Look at her! Here's a bargain for a man!' + +'Dear Jonas!' + +'Dear Devil!' he replied, with a fierce gesture. 'You're a pretty clog +to be tied to a man for life, you mewling, white-faced cat! Get out of +my sight!' + +'I know you don't mean it, Jonas. You wouldn't say it if you were +sober.' + +With affected gayety she gave Bailey a piece of money, and again +implored him to be gone. Her entreaty was so earnest, that the boy had +not the heart to stay there. But he stopped at the bottom of the stairs, +and listened. + +'I wouldn't say it if I was sober!' retorted Jonas. 'You know better. +Have I never said it when I was sober?' + +'Often, indeed!' she answered through her tears. + +'Hark ye!' cried Jonas, stamping his foot upon the ground. 'You made me +bear your pretty humours once, and ecod I'll make you bear mine now. I +always promised myself I would. I married you that I might. I'll know +who's master, and who's slave!' + +'Heaven knows I am obedient!' said the sobbing girl. 'Much more so than +I ever thought to be!' + +Jonas laughed in his drunken exultation. 'What! you're finding it out, +are you! Patience, and you will in time! Griffins have claws, my girl. +There's not a pretty slight you ever put upon me, nor a pretty trick you +ever played me, nor a pretty insolence you ever showed me, that I won't +pay back a hundred-fold. What else did I marry you for? YOU, too!' he +said, with coarse contempt. + +It might have softened him--indeed it might--to hear her turn a little +fragment of a song he used to say he liked; trying, with a heart so +full, to win him back. + +'Oho!' he said, 'you're deaf, are you? You don't hear me, eh? So much +the better for you. I hate you. I hate myself, for having, been fool +enough to strap a pack upon my back for the pleasure of treading on it +whenever I choose. Why, things have opened to me, now, so that I might +marry almost where I liked. But I wouldn't; I'd keep single. I ought to +be single, among the friends I know. Instead of that, here I am, tied +like a log to you. Pah! Why do you show your pale face when I come home? +Am I never to forget you?' + +'How late it is!' she said cheerfully, opening the shutter after an +interval of silence. 'Broad day, Jonas!' + +'Broad day or black night, what do I care!' was the kind rejoinder. + +'The night passed quickly, too. I don't mind sitting up, at all.' + +'Sit up for me again, if you dare!' growled Jonas. + +'I was reading,' she proceeded, 'all night long. I began when you went +out, and read till you came home again. The strangest story, Jonas! And +true, the book says. I'll tell it you to-morrow.' + +'True, was it?' said Jonas, doggedly. + +'So the book says.' + +'Was there anything in it, about a man's being determined to conquer his +wife, break her spirit, bend her temper, crush all her humours like so +many nut-shells--kill her, for aught I know?' said Jonas. + +'No. Not a word,' she answered quickly. + +'Oh!' he returned. 'That'll be a true story though, before long; for all +the book says nothing about it. It's a lying book, I see. A fit book for +a lying reader. But you're deaf. I forgot that.' + +There was another interval of silence; and the boy was stealing away, +when he heard her footstep on the floor, and stopped. She went up to +him, as it seemed, and spoke lovingly; saying that she would defer to +him in everything and would consult his wishes and obey them, and they +might be very happy if he would be gentle with her. He answered with an +imprecation, and-- + +Not with a blow? Yes. Stern truth against the base-souled villain; with +a blow. + +No angry cries; no loud reproaches. Even her weeping and her sobs were +stifled by her clinging round him. She only said, repeating it in agony +of heart, how could he, could he, could he--and lost utterance in tears. + +Oh woman, God beloved in old Jerusalem! The best among us need deal +lightly with thy faults, if only for the punishment thy nature will +endure, in bearing heavy evidence against us, on the Day of Judgment! + + + +CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE + +IN WHICH SOME PEOPLE ARE PRECOCIOUS, OTHERS PROFESSIONAL, AND OTHERS +MYSTERIOUS; ALL IN THEIR SEVERAL WAYS + + +It may have been the restless remembrance of what he had seen and heard +overnight, or it may have been no deeper mental operation than the +discovery that he had nothing to do, which caused Mr Bailey, on the +following afternoon, to feel particularly disposed for agreeable +society, and prompted him to pay a visit to his friend Poll Sweedlepipe. + +On the little bell giving clamorous notice of a visitor's approach (for +Mr Bailey came in at the door with a lunge, to get as much sound out of +the bell as possible), Poll Sweedlepipe desisted from the contemplation +of a favourite owl, and gave his young friend hearty welcome. + +'Why, you look smarter by day,' said Poll, 'than you do by candle-light. +I never see such a tight young dasher.' + +'Reether so, Polly. How's our fair friend, Sairah?' + +'Oh, she's pretty well,' said Poll. 'She's at home.' + +'There's the remains of a fine woman about Sairah, Poll,' observed Mr +Bailey, with genteel indifference. + +'Oh!' thought Poll, 'he's old. He must be very old!' + +'Too much crumb, you know,' said Mr Bailey; 'too fat, Poll. But there's +many worse at her time of life.' + +'The very owl's a-opening his eyes!' thought Poll. 'I don't wonder at it +in a bird of his opinions.' + +He happened to have been sharpening his razors, which were lying open +in a row, while a huge strop dangled from the wall. Glancing at these +preparations, Mr Bailey stroked his chin, and a thought appeared to +occur to him. + +'Poll,' he said, 'I ain't as neat as I could wish about the gills. Being +here, I may as well have a shave, and get trimmed close.' + +The barber stood aghast; but Mr Bailey divested himself of his +neck-cloth, and sat down in the easy shaving chair with all the dignity +and confidence in life. There was no resisting his manner. The evidence +of sight and touch became as nothing. His chin was as smooth as a +new-laid egg or a scraped Dutch cheese; but Poll Sweedlepipe wouldn't +have ventured to deny, on affidavit, that he had the beard of a Jewish +rabbi. + +'Go WITH the grain, Poll, all round, please,' said Mr Bailey, screwing +up his face for the reception of the lather. 'You may do wot you like +with the bits of whisker. I don't care for 'em.' + +The meek little barber stood gazing at him with the brush and soap-dish +in his hand, stirring them round and round in a ludicrous uncertainty, +as if he were disabled by some fascination from beginning. At last he +made a dash at Mr Bailey's cheek. Then he stopped again, as if the +ghost of a beard had suddenly receded from his touch; but receiving mild +encouragement from Mr Bailey, in the form of an adjuration to 'Go in and +win,' he lathered him bountifully. Mr Bailey smiled through the suds in +his satisfaction. 'Gently over the stones, Poll. Go a tip-toe over the +pimples!' + +Poll Sweedlepipe obeyed, and scraped the lather off again with +particular care. Mr Bailey squinted at every successive dab, as it +was deposited on a cloth on his left shoulder, and seemed, with a +microscopic eye, to detect some bristles in it; for he murmured more +than once 'Reether redder than I could wish, Poll.' The operation being +concluded, Poll fell back and stared at him again, while Mr Bailey, +wiping his face on the jack-towel, remarked, 'that arter late hours +nothing freshened up a man so much as a easy shave.' + +He was in the act of tying his cravat at the glass, without his coat, +and Poll had wiped his razor, ready for the next customer, when Mrs +Gamp, coming downstairs, looked in at the shop-door to give the barber +neighbourly good day. Feeling for her unfortunate situation, in having +conceived a regard for himself which it was not in the nature of things +that he could return, Mr Bailey hastened to soothe her with words of +kindness. + +'Hallo!' he said, 'Sairah! I needn't ask you how you've been this long +time, for you're in full bloom. All a-blowin and a-growin; ain't she, +Polly?' + +'Why, drat the Bragian boldness of that boy!' cried Mrs Gamp, though +not displeased. 'What a imperent young sparrow it is! I wouldn't be that +creetur's mother not for fifty pound!' + +Mr Bailey regarded this as a delicate confession of her attachment, +and a hint that no pecuniary gain could recompense her for its being +rendered hopeless. He felt flattered. Disinterested affection is always +flattering. + +'Ah, dear!' moaned Mrs Gamp, sinking into the shaving chair, 'that there +blessed Bull, Mr Sweedlepipe, has done his wery best to conker me. Of +all the trying inwalieges in this walley of the shadder, that one beats +'em black and blue.' + +It was the practice of Mrs Gamp and her friends in the profession, to +say this of all the easy customers; as having at once the effect of +discouraging competitors for office, and accounting for the necessity of +high living on the part of the nurses. + +'Talk of constitooshun!' Mrs Gamp observed. 'A person's constitooshun +need be made of bricks to stand it. Mrs Harris jestly says to me, but +t'other day, "Oh! Sairey Gamp," she says, "how is it done?" "Mrs Harris, +ma'am," I says to her, "we gives no trust ourselves, and puts a deal +o'trust elsevere; these is our religious feelins, and we finds 'em +answer." "Sairey," says Mrs Harris, "sech is life. Vich likeways is the +hend of all things!"' + +The barber gave a soft murmur, as much as to say that Mrs Harris's +remark, though perhaps not quite so intelligible as could be desired +from such an authority, did equal honour to her head and to her heart. + +'And here,' continued Mrs Gamp, 'and here am I a-goin twenty mile in +distant, on as wentersome a chance as ever any one as monthlied ever +run, I do believe. Says Mrs Harris, with a woman's and a mother's +art a-beatin in her human breast, she says to me, "You're not a-goin, +Sairey, Lord forgive you!" "Why am I not a-goin, Mrs Harris?" I replies. +"Mrs Gill," I says, "wos never wrong with six; and is it likely, +ma'am--I ast you as a mother--that she will begin to be unreg'lar now? +Often and often have I heerd him say," I says to Mrs Harris, meaning Mr +Gill, "that he would back his wife agen Moore's almanack, to name the +very day and hour, for ninepence farden. IS it likely, ma'am," I says, +"as she will fail this once?" Says Mrs Harris "No, ma'am, not in the +course of natur. But," she says, the tears a-fillin in her eyes, "you +knows much betterer than me, with your experienge, how little puts us +out. A Punch's show," she says, "a chimbley sweep, a newfundlan dog, or +a drunkin man a-comin round the corner sharp may do it." So it may, Mr +Sweedlepipes,' said Mrs Gamp, 'there's no deniging of it; and though my +books is clear for a full week, I takes a anxious art along with me, I +do assure you, sir.' + +'You're so full of zeal, you see!' said Poll. 'You worrit yourself so.' + +'Worrit myself!' cried Mrs Gamp, raising her hands and turning up her +eyes. 'You speak truth in that, sir, if you never speaks no more 'twixt +this and when two Sundays jines together. I feels the sufferins of other +people more than I feels my own, though no one mayn't suppoge it. The +families I've had,' said Mrs Gamp, 'if all was knowd and credit done +where credit's doo, would take a week to chris'en at Saint Polge's +fontin!' + +'Where's the patient goin?' asked Sweedlepipe. + +'Into Har'fordshire, which is his native air. But native airs nor native +graces neither,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'won't bring HIM round.' + +'So bad as that?' inquired the wistful barber. 'Indeed!' + +Mrs Gamp shook her head mysteriously, and pursed up her lips. 'There's +fevers of the mind,' she said, 'as well as body. You may take your slime +drafts till you flies into the air with efferwescence; but you won't +cure that.' + +'Ah!' said the barber, opening his eyes, and putting on his raven +aspect; 'Lor!' + +'No. You may make yourself as light as any gash balloon,' said Mrs Gamp. +'But talk, when you're wrong in your head and when you're in your sleep, +of certain things; and you'll be heavy in your mind.' + +'Of what kind of things now?' inquired Poll, greedily biting his nails +in his great interest. 'Ghosts?' + +Mrs Gamp, who perhaps had been already tempted further than she had +intended to go, by the barber's stimulating curiosity, gave a sniff of +uncommon significance, and said, it didn't signify. + +'I'm a-goin down with my patient in the coach this arternoon,' she +proceeded. 'I'm a-goin to stop with him a day or so, till he gets a +country nuss (drat them country nusses, much the orkard hussies knows +about their bis'ness); and then I'm a-comin back; and that's my trouble, +Mr Sweedlepipes. But I hope that everythink'll only go on right and +comfortable as long as I'm away; perwisin which, as Mrs Harris says, Mrs +Gill is welcome to choose her own time; all times of the day and night +bein' equally the same to me.' + +During the progress of the foregoing remarks, which Mrs Gamp had +addressed exclusively to the barber, Mr Bailey had been tying his +cravat, getting on his coat, and making hideous faces at himself in the +glass. Being now personally addressed by Mrs Gamp, he turned round, and +mingled in the conversation. + +'You ain't been in the City, I suppose, sir, since we was all three +there together,' said Mrs Gamp, 'at Mr Chuzzlewit's?' + +'Yes, I have, Sairah. I was there last night.' + +'Last night!' cried the barber. + +'Yes, Poll, reether so. You can call it this morning, if you like to be +particular. He dined with us.' + +'Who does that young Limb mean by "hus?"' said Mrs Gamp, with most +impatient emphasis. + +'Me and my Governor, Sairah. He dined at our house. We wos very merry, +Sairah. So much so, that I was obliged to see him home in a hackney +coach at three o'clock in the morning.' It was on the tip of the boy's +tongue to relate what had followed; but remembering how easily it might +be carried to his master's ears, and the repeated cautions he had had +from Mr Crimple 'not to chatter,' he checked himself; adding, only, 'She +was sitting up, expecting him.' + +'And all things considered,' said Mrs Gamp sharply, 'she might have +know'd better than to go a-tirin herself out, by doin' anythink of the +sort. Did they seem pretty pleasant together, sir?' + +'Oh, yes,' answered Bailey, 'pleasant enough.' + +'I'm glad on it,' said Mrs Gamp, with a second sniff of significance. + +'They haven't been married so long,' observed Poll, rubbing his hands, +'that they need be anything but pleasant yet awhile.' + +'No,' said Mrs Gamp, with a third significant signal. + +'Especially,' pursued the barber, 'when the gentleman bears such a +character as you gave him.' + +'I speak; as I find, Mr Sweedlepipes,' said Mrs Gamp. 'Forbid it should +be otherways! But we never knows wot's hidden in each other's hearts; +and if we had glass winders there, we'd need keep the shetters up, some +on us, I do assure you!' + +'But you don't mean to say--' Poll Sweedlepipe began. + +'No,' said Mrs Gamp, cutting him very short, 'I don't. Don't think I do. +The torters of the Imposition shouldn't make me own I did. All I says +is,' added the good woman, rising and folding her shawl about her, 'that +the Bull's a-waitin, and the precious moments is a-flyin' fast.' + +The little barber having in his eager curiosity a great desire to see +Mrs Gamp's patient, proposed to Mr Bailey that they should accompany +her to the Bull, and witness the departure of the coach. That young +gentleman assenting, they all went out together. + +Arriving at the tavern, Mrs Gamp (who was full-dressed for the journey, +in her latest suit of mourning) left her friends to entertain +themselves in the yard, while she ascended to the sick room, where her +fellow-labourer Mrs Prig was dressing the invalid. + +He was so wasted, that it seemed as if his bones would rattle when they +moved him. His cheeks were sunken, and his eyes unnaturally large. He +lay back in the easy-chair like one more dead than living; and rolled +his languid eyes towards the door when Mrs Gamp appeared, as painfully +as if their weight alone were burdensome to move. + +'And how are we by this time?' Mrs Gamp observed. 'We looks charming.' + +'We looks a deal charminger than we are, then,' returned Mrs Prig, a +little chafed in her temper. 'We got out of bed back'ards, I think, for +we're as cross as two sticks. I never see sich a man. He wouldn't have +been washed, if he'd had his own way.' + +'She put the soap in my mouth,' said the unfortunate patient feebly. + +'Couldn't you keep it shut then?' retorted Mrs Prig. 'Who do you think's +to wash one feater, and miss another, and wear one's eyes out with all +manner of fine work of that description, for half-a-crown a day! If you +wants to be tittivated, you must pay accordin'.' + +'Oh dear me!' cried the patient, 'oh dear, dear!' + +'There!' said Mrs Prig, 'that's the way he's been a-conductin of +himself, Sarah, ever since I got him out of bed, if you'll believe it.' + +'Instead of being grateful,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'for all our little +ways. Oh, fie for shame, sir, fie for shame!' + +Here Mrs Prig seized the patient by the chin, and began to rasp his +unhappy head with a hair-brush. + +'I suppose you don't like that, neither!' she observed, stopping to look +at him. + +It was just possible that he didn't for the brush was a specimen of +the hardest kind of instrument producible by modern art; and his very +eyelids were red with the friction. Mrs Prig was gratified to observe +the correctness of her supposition, and said triumphantly 'she know'd as +much.' + +When his hair was smoothed down comfortably into his eyes, Mrs Prig and +Mrs Gamp put on his neckerchief; adjusting his shirt collar with great +nicety, so that the starched points should also invade those organs, and +afflict them with an artificial ophthalmia. His waistcoat and coat +were next arranged; and as every button was wrenched into a wrong +button-hole, and the order of his boots was reversed, he presented on +the whole rather a melancholy appearance. + +'I don't think it's right,' said the poor weak invalid. 'I feel as if I +was in somebody else's clothes. I'm all on one side; and you've made one +of my legs shorter than the other. There's a bottle in my pocket too. +What do you make me sit upon a bottle for?' + +'Deuce take the man!' cried Mrs Gamp, drawing it forth. 'If he ain't +been and got my night-bottle here. I made a little cupboard of his coat +when it hung behind the door, and quite forgot it, Betsey. You'll find a +ingun or two, and a little tea and sugar in his t'other pocket, my dear, +if you'll just be good enough to take 'em out.' + +Betsey produced the property in question, together with some other +articles of general chandlery; and Mrs Gamp transferred them to her own +pocket, which was a species of nankeen pannier. Refreshment then arrived +in the form of chops and strong ale for the ladies, and a basin of +beef-tea for the patient; which refection was barely at an end when John +Westlock appeared. + +'Up and dressed!' cried John, sitting down beside him. 'That's brave. +How do you feel?' + +'Much better. But very weak.' + +'No wonder. You have had a hard bout of it. But country air, and change +of scene,' said John, 'will make another man of you! Why, Mrs Gamp,' +he added, laughing, as he kindly arranged the sick man's garments, 'you +have odd notions of a gentleman's dress!' + +'Mr Lewsome an't a easy gent to get into his clothes, sir,' Mrs Gamp +replied with dignity; 'as me and Betsey Prig can certify afore the Lord +Mayor and Uncommon Counsellors, if needful!' + +John at that moment was standing close in front of the sick man, in the +act of releasing him from the torture of the collars before mentioned, +when he said in a whisper: + +'Mr Westlock! I don't wish to be overheard. I have something very +particular and strange to say to you; something that has been a dreadful +weight on my mind, through this long illness.' + +Quick in all his motions, John was turning round to desire the women to +leave the room; when the sick man held him by the sleeve. + +'Not now. I've not the strength. I've not the courage. May I tell it +when I have? May I write it, if I find that easier and better?' + +'May you!' cried John. 'Why, Lewsome, what is this!' + +'Don't ask me what it is. It's unnatural and cruel. Frightful to think +of. Frightful to tell. Frightful to know. Frightful to have helped in. +Let me kiss your hand for all your goodness to me. Be kinder still, and +don't ask me what it is!' + +At first, John gazed at him in great surprise; but remembering how very +much reduced he was, and how recently his brain had been on fire with +fever, believed that he was labouring under some imaginary horror or +despondent fancy. For farther information on this point, he took an +opportunity of drawing Mrs Gamp aside, while Betsey Prig was wrapping +him in cloaks and shawls, and asked her whether he was quite collected +in his mind. + +'Oh bless you, no!' said Mrs Gamp. 'He hates his nusses to this hour. +They always does it, sir. It's a certain sign. If you could have heerd +the poor dear soul a-findin fault with me and Betsey Prig, not half an +hour ago, you would have wondered how it is we don't get fretted to the +tomb.' + +This almost confirmed John in his suspicion; so, not taking what had +passed into any serious account, he resumed his former cheerful manner, +and assisted by Mrs Gamp and Betsey Prig, conducted Lewsome downstairs +to the coach; just then upon the point of starting. Poll Sweedlepipe +was at the door with his arms tight folded and his eyes wide open, and +looked on with absorbing interest, while the sick man was slowly +moved into the vehicle. His bony hands and haggard face impressed Poll +wonderfully; and he informed Mr Bailey in confidence, that he wouldn't +have missed seeing him for a pound. Mr Bailey, who was of a different +constitution, remarked that he would have stayed away for five +shillings. + +It was a troublesome matter to adjust Mrs Gamp's luggage to her +satisfaction; for every package belonging to that lady had the +inconvenient property of requiring to be put in a boot by itself, and +to have no other luggage near it, on pain of actions at law for heavy +damages against the proprietors of the coach. The umbrella with the +circular patch was particularly hard to be got rid of, and several times +thrust out its battered brass nozzle from improper crevices and chinks, +to the great terror of the other passengers. Indeed, in her intense +anxiety to find a haven of refuge for this chattel, Mrs Gamp so often +moved it, in the course of five minutes, that it seemed not one umbrella +but fifty. At length it was lost, or said to be; and for the next five +minutes she was face to face with the coachman, go wherever he might, +protesting that it should be 'made good,' though she took the question +to the House of Commons. + +At last, her bundle, and her pattens, and her basket, and everything +else, being disposed of, she took a friendly leave of Poll and Mr +Bailey, dropped a curtsey to John Westlock, and parted as from a +cherished member of the sisterhood with Betsey Prig. + +'Wishin you lots of sickness, my darlin creetur,' Mrs Gamp observed, +'and good places. It won't be long, I hope, afore we works together, off +and on, again, Betsey; and may our next meetin' be at a large family's, +where they all takes it reg'lar, one from another, turn and turn about, +and has it business-like.' + +'I don't care how soon it is,' said Mrs Prig; 'nor how many weeks it +lasts.' + +Mrs Gamp with a reply in a congenial spirit was backing to the coach, +when she came in contact with a lady and gentleman who were passing +along the footway. + +'Take care, take care here!' cried the gentleman. 'Halloo! My dear! Why, +it's Mrs Gamp!' + +'What, Mr Mould!' exclaimed the nurse. 'And Mrs Mould! who would have +thought as we should ever have a meetin' here, I'm sure!' + +'Going out of town, Mrs Gamp?' cried Mould. 'That's unusual, isn't it?' + +'It IS unusual, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But only for a day or two at most. +The gent,' she whispered, 'as I spoke about.' + +'What, in the coach!' cried Mould. 'The one you thought of recommending? +Very odd. My dear, this will interest you. The gentleman that Mrs Gamp +thought likely to suit us is in the coach, my love.' + +Mrs Mould was greatly interested. + +'Here, my dear. You can stand upon the door-step,' said Mould, 'and take +a look at him. Ha! There he is. Where's my glass? Oh! all right. I've +got it. Do you see him, my dear?' + +'Quite plain,' said Mrs Mould. + +'Upon my life, you know, this is a very singular circumstance,' said +Mould, quite delighted. 'This is the sort of thing, my dear, I wouldn't +have missed on any account. It tickles one. It's interesting. It's +almost a little play, you know. Ah! There he is! To be sure. Looks +poorly, Mrs M., don't he?' + +Mrs Mould assented. + +'He's coming our way, perhaps, after all,' said Mould. 'Who knows! I +feel as if I ought to show him some little attention, really. He don't +seem a stranger to me. I'm very much inclined to move my hat, my dear.' + +'He's looking hard this way,' said Mrs Mould. + +'Then I will!' cried Mould. 'How d'ye do, sir! I wish you good day. Ha! +He bows too. Very gentlemanly. Mrs Gamp has the cards in her pocket, I +have no doubt. This is very singular, my dear--and very pleasant. I am +not superstitious, but it really seems as if one was destined to pay him +those little melancholy civilities which belong to our peculiar line of +business. There can be no kind of objection to your kissing your hand to +him, my dear.' + +Mrs Mould did so. + +'Ha!' said Mould. 'He's evidently gratified. Poor fellow! I am quite +glad you did it, my love. Bye bye, Mrs Gamp!' waving his hand. 'There he +goes; there he goes!' + +So he did; for the coach rolled off as the words were spoken. Mr and Mrs +Mould, in high good humour, went their merry way. Mr Bailey retired +with Poll Sweedlepipe as soon as possible; but some little time +elapsed before he could remove his friend from the ground, owing to +the impression wrought upon the barber's nerves by Mrs Prig, whom he +pronounced, in admiration of her beard, to be a woman of transcendent +charms. + +When the light cloud of bustle hanging round the coach was thus +dispersed, Nadgett was seen in the darkest box of the Bull coffee-room, +looking wistfully up at the clock--as if the man who never appeared were +a little behind his time. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY + +PROVES THAT CHANGES MAY BE RUNG IN THE BEST-REGULATED FAMILIES, AND THAT +MR PECKNIFF WAS A SPECIAL HAND AT A TRIPLE-BOB-MAJOR + + +As the surgeon's first care after amputating a limb, is to take up the +arteries the cruel knife has severed, so it is the duty of this history, +which in its remorseless course has cut from the Pecksniffian trunk its +right arm, Mercy, to look to the parent stem, and see how in all its +various ramifications it got on without her. + +And first of Mr Pecksniff it may be observed, that having provided for +his youngest daughter that choicest of blessings, a tender and indulgent +husband; and having gratified the dearest wish of his parental heart by +establishing her in life so happily; he renewed his youth, and spreading +the plumage of his own bright conscience, felt himself equal to all +kinds of flights. It is customary with fathers in stage-plays, after +giving their daughters to the men of their hearts, to congratulate +themselves on having no other business on their hands but to die +immediately; though it is rarely found that they are in a hurry to do +it. Mr Pecksniff, being a father of a more sage and practical class, +appeared to think that his immediate business was to live; and having +deprived himself of one comfort, to surround himself with others. + +But however much inclined the good man was to be jocose and playful, and +in the garden of his fancy to disport himself (if one may say so) like +an architectural kitten, he had one impediment constantly opposed to +him. The gentle Cherry, stung by a sense of slight and injury, which +far from softening down or wearing out, rankled and festered in her +heart--the gentle Cherry was in flat rebellion. She waged fierce war +against her dear papa, she led her parent what is usually called, for +want of a better figure of speech, the life of a dog. But never did that +dog live, in kennel, stable-yard, or house, whose life was half as hard +as Mr Pecksniff's with his gentle child. + +The father and daughter were sitting at their breakfast. Tom had +retired, and they were alone. Mr Pecksniff frowned at first; but having +cleared his brow, looked stealthily at his child. Her nose was very red +indeed, and screwed up tight, with hostile preparation. + +'Cherry,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'what is amiss between us? My child, why +are we disunited?' + +Miss Pecksniff's answer was scarcely a response to this gush of +affection, for it was simply, 'Bother, Pa!' + +'Bother!' repeated Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of anguish. + +'Oh! 'tis too late, Pa,' said his daughter, calmly 'to talk to me like +this. I know what it means, and what its value is.' + +'This is hard!' cried Mr Pecksniff, addressing his breakfast-cup. 'This +is very hard! She is my child. I carried her in my arms when she wore +shapeless worsted shoes--I might say, mufflers--many years ago!' + +'You needn't taunt me with that, Pa,' retorted Cherry, with a spiteful +look. 'I am not so many years older than my sister, either, though she +IS married to your friend!' + +'Ah, human nature, human nature! Poor human nature!' said Mr Pecksniff, +shaking his head at human nature, as if he didn't belong to it. 'To +think that this discord should arise from such a cause! oh dear, oh +dear!' + +'From such a cause indeed!' cried Cherry. 'State the real cause, Pa, or +I'll state it myself. Mind! I will!' + +Perhaps the energy with which she said this was infectious. However that +may be, Mr Pecksniff changed his tone and the expression of his face for +one of anger, if not downright violence, when he said: + +'You will! you have. You did yesterday. You do always. You have no +decency; you make no secret of your temper; you have exposed yourself to +Mr Chuzzlewit a hundred times.' + +'Myself!' cried Cherry, with a bitter smile. 'Oh indeed! I don't mind +that.' + +'Me, too, then,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +His daughter answered with a scornful laugh. + +'And since we have come to an explanation, Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff, +rolling his head portentously, 'let me tell you that I won't allow it. +None of your nonsense, Miss! I won't permit it to be done.' + +'I shall do,' said Charity, rocking her chair backwards and forwards, +and raising her voice to a high pitch, 'I shall do, Pa, what I please +and what I have done. I am not going to be crushed in everything, depend +upon it. I've been more shamefully used than anybody ever was in +this world,' here she began to cry and sob, 'and may expect the worse +treatment from you, I know. But I don't care for that. No, I don't!' + +Mr Pecksniff was made so desperate by the loud tone in which she spoke, +that, after looking about him in frantic uncertainty for some means of +softening it, he rose and shook her until the ornamental bow of hair +upon her head nodded like a plume. She was so very much astonished by +this assault, that it really had the desired effect. + +'I'll do it again!' cried Mr Pecksniff, as he resumed his seat and +fetched his breath, 'if you dare to talk in that loud manner. How do +you mean about being shamefully used? If Mr Jonas chose your sister in +preference to you, who could help it, I should wish to know? What have I +to do with it?' + +'Wasn't I made a convenience of? Weren't my feelings trifled with? +Didn't he address himself to me first?' sobbed Cherry, clasping her +hands; 'and oh, good gracious, that I should live to be shook!' + +'You'll live to be shaken again,' returned her parent, 'if you drive +me to that means of maintaining the decorum of this humble roof. You +surprise me. I wonder you have not more spirit. If Mr Jonas didn't care +for you, how could you wish to have him?' + +'I wish to have him!' exclaimed Cherry. 'I wish to have him, Pa!' + +'Then what are you making all this piece of work for,' retorted her +father, 'if you didn't wish to have him?' + +'Because I was treated with duplicity,' said Cherry; 'and because my own +sister and my own father conspired against me. I am not angry with HER,' +said Cherry; looking much more angry than ever. 'I pity her. I'm sorry +for her. I know the fate that's in store for her, with that Wretch.' + +'Mr Jonas will survive your calling him a wretch, my child, I dare say,' +said Mr Pecksniff, with returning resignation; 'but call him what you +like and make an end of it.' + +'Not an end, Pa,' said Charity. 'No, not an end. That's not the only +point on which we're not agreed. I won't submit to it. It's better you +should know that at once. No; I won't submit to it indeed, Pa! I am +not quite a fool, and I am not blind. All I have got to say is, I won't +submit to it.' + +Whatever she meant, she shook Mr Pecksniff now; for his lame attempt to +seem composed was melancholy in the last degree. His anger changed to +meekness, and his words were mild and fawning. + +'My dear,' he said; 'if in the short excitement of an angry moment I +resorted to an unjustifiable means of suppressing a little outbreak +calculated to injure you as well as myself--it's possible I may have +done so; perhaps I did--I ask your pardon. A father asking pardon of +his child,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is, I believe, a spectacle to soften the +most rugged nature.' + +But it didn't at all soften Miss Pecksniff; perhaps because her nature +was not rugged enough. On the contrary, she persisted in saying, over +and over again, that she wasn't quite a fool, and wasn't blind, and +wouldn't submit to it. + +'You labour under some mistake, my child!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'but +I will not ask you what it is; I don't desire to know. No, pray!' he +added, holding out his hand and colouring again, 'let us avoid the +subject, my dear, whatever it is!' + +'It's quite right that the subject should be avoided between us, +sir,' said Cherry. 'But I wish to be able to avoid it altogether, and +consequently must beg you to provide me with a home.' + +Mr Pecksniff looked about the room, and said, 'A home, my child!' + +'Another home, papa,' said Cherry, with increasing stateliness 'Place me +at Mrs Todgers's or somewhere, on an independent footing; but I will not +live here, if such is to be the case.' + +It is possible that Miss Pecksniff saw in Mrs Todgers's a vision +of enthusiastic men, pining to fall in adoration at her feet. It is +possible that Mr Pecksniff, in his new-born juvenility, saw, in the +suggestion of that same establishment, an easy means of relieving +himself from an irksome charge in the way of temper and watchfulness. +It is undoubtedly a fact that in the attentive ears of Mr Pecksniff, the +proposition did not sound quite like the dismal knell of all his hopes. + +But he was a man of great feeling and acute sensibility; and he squeezed +his pocket-handkerchief against his eyes with both hands--as such men +always do, especially when they are observed. 'One of my birds,' Mr +Pecksniff said, 'has left me for the stranger's breast; the other would +take wing to Todgers's! Well, well, what am I? I don't know what I am, +exactly. Never mind!' + +Even this remark, made more pathetic perhaps by his breaking down in +the middle of it, had no effect upon Charity. She was grim, rigid, and +inflexible. + +'But I have ever,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sacrificed my children's +happiness to my own--I mean my own happiness to my children's--and I +will not begin to regulate my life by other rules of conduct now. If you +can be happier at Mrs Todgers's than in your father's house, my dear, go +to Mrs Todgers's! Do not think of me, my girl!' said Mr Pecksniff with +emotion; 'I shall get on pretty well, no doubt.' + +Miss Charity, who knew he had a secret pleasure in the contemplation of +the proposed change, suppressed her own, and went on to negotiate the +terms. His views upon this subject were at first so very limited that +another difference, involving possibly another shaking, threatened to +ensue; but by degrees they came to something like an understanding, and +the storm blew over. Indeed, Miss Charity's idea was so agreeable +to both, that it would have been strange if they had not come to an +amicable agreement. It was soon arranged between them that the project +should be tried, and that immediately; and that Cherry's not being well, +and needing change of scene, and wishing to be near her sister, should +form the excuse for her departure to Mr Chuzzlewit and Mary, to both of +whom she had pleaded indisposition for some time past. These premises +agreed on, Mr Pecksniff gave her his blessing, with all the dignity of +a self-denying man who had made a hard sacrifice, but comforted himself +with the reflection that virtue is its own reward. Thus they were +reconciled for the first time since that not easily forgiven night, +when Mr Jonas, repudiating the elder, had confessed his passion for the +younger sister, and Mr Pecksniff had abetted him on moral grounds. + +But how happened it--in the name of an unexpected addition to that small +family, the Seven Wonders of the World, whatever and wherever they may +be, how happened it--that Mr Pecksniff and his daughter were about +to part? How happened it that their mutual relations were so greatly +altered? Why was Miss Pecksniff so clamorous to have it understood that +she was neither blind nor foolish, and she wouldn't bear it? It is not +possible that Mr Pecksniff had any thoughts of marrying again; or that +his daughter, with the sharp eye of a single woman, fathomed his design! + +Let us inquire into this. + +Mr Pecksniff, as a man without reproach, from whom the breath of slander +passed like common breath from any other polished surface, could afford +to do what common men could not. He knew the purity of his own motives; +and when he had a motive worked at it as only a very good man (or a very +bad one) can. Did he set before himself any strong and palpable motives +for taking a second wife? Yes; and not one or two of them, but a +combination of very many. + +Old Martin Chuzzlewit had gradually undergone an important change. Even +upon the night when he made such an ill-timed arrival at Mr Pecksniff's +house, he was comparatively subdued and easy to deal with. This Mr +Pecksniff attributed, at the time, to the effect his brother's death had +had upon him. But from that hour his character seemed to have modified +by regular degrees, and to have softened down into a dull indifference +for almost every one but Mr Pecksniff. His looks were much the same as +ever, but his mind was singularly altered. It was not that this or that +passion stood out in brighter or in dimmer hues; but that the colour of +the whole man was faded. As one trait disappeared, no other trait sprung +up to take its place. His senses dwindled too. He was less keen of +sight; was deaf sometimes; took little notice of what passed before him; +and would be profoundly taciturn for days together. The process of this +alteration was so easy that almost as soon as it began to be observed +it was complete. But Mr Pecksniff saw it first, and having Anthony +Chuzzlewit fresh in his recollection, saw in his brother Martin the same +process of decay. + +To a gentleman of Mr Pecksniff's tenderness, this was a very mournful +sight. He could not but foresee the probability of his respected +relative being made the victim of designing persons, and of his riches +falling into worthless hands. It gave him so much pain that he resolved +to secure the property to himself; to keep bad testamentary suitors at a +distance; to wall up the old gentleman, as it were, for his own use. By +little and little, therefore, he began to try whether Mr Chuzzlewit gave +any promise of becoming an instrument in his hands, and finding that he +did, and indeed that he was very supple in his plastic fingers, he made +it the business of his life--kind soul!--to establish an ascendancy over +him; and every little test he durst apply meeting with a success beyond +his hopes, he began to think he heard old Martin's cash already chinking +in his own unworldly pockets. + +But when Mr Pecksniff pondered on this subject (as, in his zealous +way, he often did), and thought with an uplifted heart of the train of +circumstances which had delivered the old gentleman into his hands for +the confusion of evil-doers and the triumph of a righteous nature, he +always felt that Mary Graham was his stumbling-block. Let the old man +say what he would, Mr Pecksniff knew he had a strong affection for her. +He knew that he showed it in a thousand little ways; that he liked to +have her near him, and was never quite at ease when she was absent +long. That he had ever really sworn to leave her nothing in his will, Mr +Pecksniff greatly doubted. That even if he had, there were many ways by +which he could evade the oath and satisfy his conscience, Mr Pecksniff +knew. That her unprotected state was no light burden on the old man's +mind, he also knew, for Mr Chuzzlewit had plainly told him so. 'Then,' +said Mr Pecksniff 'what if I married her! What,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, +sticking up his hair and glancing at his bust by Spoker; 'what +if, making sure of his approval first--he is nearly imbecile, poor +gentleman--I married her!' + +Mr Pecksniff had a lively sense of the Beautiful; especially in women. +His manner towards the sex was remarkable for its insinuating character. +It is recorded of him in another part of these pages, that he embraced +Mrs Todgers on the smallest provocation; and it was a way he had; it was +a part of the gentle placidity of his disposition. Before any thought of +matrimony was in his mind, he had bestowed on Mary many little tokens of +his spiritual admiration. They had been indignantly received, but that +was nothing. True, as the idea expanded within him, these had become +too ardent to escape the piercing eye of Cherry, who read his scheme at +once; but he had always felt the power of Mary's charms. So Interest and +Inclination made a pair, and drew the curricle of Mr Pecksniff's plan. + +As to any thought of revenging himself on young Martin for his insolent +expressions when they parted, and of shutting him out still more +effectually from any hope of reconciliation with his grandfather, Mr +Pecksniff was much too meek and forgiving to be suspected of harbouring +it. As to being refused by Mary, Mr Pecksniff was quite satisfied that +in her position she could never hold out if he and Mr Chuzzlewit were +both against her. As to consulting the wishes of her heart in such a +case, it formed no part of Mr Pecksniff's moral code; for he knew what a +good man he was, and what a blessing he must be to anybody. His daughter +having broken the ice, and the murder being out between them, Mr +Pecksniff had now only to pursue his design as cleverly as he could, and +by the craftiest approaches. + +'Well, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, meeting old Martin in the +garden, for it was his habit to walk in and out by that way, as the +fancy took him; 'and how is my dear friend this delicious morning?' + +'Do you mean me?' asked the old man. + +'Ah!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'one of his deaf days, I see. Could I mean any +one else, my dear sir?' + +'You might have meant Mary,' said the old man. + +'Indeed I might. Quite true. I might speak of her as a dear, dear +friend, I hope?' observed Mr Pecksniff. + +'I hope so,' returned old Martin. 'I think she deserves it.' + +'Think!' cried Pecksniff, 'think, Mr Chuzzlewit!' + +'You are speaking, I know,' returned Martin, 'but I don't catch what you +say. Speak up!' + +'He's getting deafer than a flint,' said Pecksniff. 'I was saying, my +dear sir, that I am afraid I must make up my mind to part with Cherry.' + +'What has SHE been doing?' asked the old man. + +'He puts the most ridiculous questions I ever heard!' muttered Mr +Pecksniff. 'He's a child to-day.' After which he added, in a mild roar: +'She hasn't been doing anything, my dear friend.' + +'What are you going to part with her for?' demanded Martin. + +'She hasn't her health by any means,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'She misses +her sister, my dear sir; they doted on each other from the cradle. And I +think of giving her a run in London for a change. A good long run, sir, +if I find she likes it.' + +'Quite right,' cried Martin. 'It's judicious.' + +'I am glad to hear you say so. I hope you mean to bear me company in +this dull part, while she's away?' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'I have no intention of removing from it,' was Martin's answer. + +'Then why,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking the old man's arm in his, and +walking slowly on; 'Why, my good sir, can't you come and stay with me? +I am sure I could surround you with more comforts--lowly as is my +Cot--than you can obtain at a village house of entertainment. And pardon +me, Mr Chuzzlewit, pardon me if I say that such a place as the Dragon, +however well-conducted (and, as far as I know, Mrs Lupin is one of the +worthiest creatures in this county), is hardly a home for Miss Graham.' + +Martin mused a moment; and then said, as he shook him by the hand: + +'No. You're quite right; it is not.' + +'The very sight of skittles,' Mr Pecksniff eloquently pursued, 'is far +from being congenial to a delicate mind.' + +'It's an amusement of the vulgar,' said old Martin, 'certainly.' + +'Of the very vulgar,' Mr Pecksniff answered. 'Then why not bring Miss +Graham here, sir? Here is the house. Here am I alone in it, for Thomas +Pinch I do not count as any one. Our lovely friend shall occupy my +daughter's chamber; you shall choose your own; we shall not quarrel, I +hope!' + +'We are not likely to do that,' said Martin. + +Mr Pecksniff pressed his hand. 'We understand each other, my dear sir, +I see!--I can wind him,' he thought, with exultation, 'round my little +finger.' + +'You leave the recompense to me?' said the old man, after a minute's +silence. + +'Oh! do not speak of recompense!' cried Pecksniff. + +'I say,' repeated Martin, with a glimmer of his old obstinacy, 'you +leave the recompense to me. Do you?' + +'Since you desire it, my good sir.' + +'I always desire it,' said the old man. 'You know I always desire it. I +wish to pay as I go, even when I buy of you. Not that I do not leave a +balance to be settled one day, Pecksniff.' + +The architect was too much overcome to speak. He tried to drop a tear +upon his patron's hand, but couldn't find one in his dry distillery. + +'May that day be very distant!' was his pious exclamation. 'Ah, sir! If +I could say how deep an interest I have in you and yours! I allude to +our beautiful young friend.' + +'True,' he answered. 'True. She need have some one interested in her. +I did her wrong to train her as I did. Orphan though she was, she would +have found some one to protect her whom she might have loved again. When +she was a child, I pleased myself with the thought that in gratifying my +whim of placing her between me and false-hearted knaves, I had done +her a kindness. Now she is a woman, I have no such comfort. She has no +protector but herself. I have put her at such odds with the world, that +any dog may bark or fawn upon her at his pleasure. Indeed she stands in +need of delicate consideration. Yes; indeed she does!' + +'If her position could be altered and defined, sir?' Mr Pecksniff +hinted. + +'How can that be done? Should I make a seamstress of her, or a +governess?' + +'Heaven forbid!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'My dear sir, there are other ways. +There are indeed. But I am much excited and embarrassed at present, and +would rather not pursue the subject. I scarcely know what I mean. Permit +me to resume it at another time.' + +'You are not unwell?' asked Martin anxiously. + +'No, no!' cried Pecksniff. 'No. Permit me to resume it at another time. +I'll walk a little. Bless you!' + +Old Martin blessed him in return, and squeezed his hand. As he turned +away, and slowly walked towards the house, Mr Pecksniff stood gazing +after him; being pretty well recovered from his late emotion, which, in +any other man, one might have thought had been assumed as a machinery +for feeling Martin's pulse. The change in the old man found such a +slight expression in his figure, that Mr Pecksniff, looking after him, +could not help saying to himself: + +'And I can wind him round my little finger! Only think!' + +Old Martin happening to turn his head, saluted him affectionately. Mr +Pecksniff returned the gesture. + +'Why, the time was,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and not long ago, when he +wouldn't look at me! How soothing is this change. Such is the delicate +texture of the human heart; so complicated is the process of its being +softened! Externally he looks the same, and I can wind him round my +little finger. Only think!' + +In sober truth, there did appear to be nothing on which Mr Pecksniff +might not have ventured with Martin Chuzzlewit; for whatever Mr +Pecksniff said or did was right, and whatever he advised was done. +Martin had escaped so many snares from needy fortune-hunters, and had +withered in the shell of his suspicion and distrust for so many years, +but to become the good man's tool and plaything. With the happiness of +this conviction painted on his face, the architect went forth upon his +morning walk. + +The summer weather in his bosom was reflected in the breast of Nature. +Through deep green vistas where the boughs arched overhead, and showed +the sunlight flashing in the beautiful perspective; through dewy fern +from which the startled hares leaped up, and fled at his approach; by +mantled pools, and fallen trees, and down in hollow places, rustling +among last year's leaves whose scent woke memory of the past; the placid +Pecksniff strolled. By meadow gates and hedges fragrant with wild roses; +and by thatched-roof cottages whose inmates humbly bowed before him as +a man both good and wise; the worthy Pecksniff walked in tranquil +meditation. The bee passed onward, humming of the work he had to do; +the idle gnats for ever going round and round in one contracting and +expanding ring, yet always going on as fast as he, danced merrily before +him; the colour of the long grass came and went, as if the light clouds +made it timid as they floated through the distant air. The birds, +so many Pecksniff consciences, sang gayly upon every branch; and Mr +Pecksniff paid HIS homage to the day by ruminating on his projects as he +walked along. + +Chancing to trip, in his abstraction, over the spreading root of an old +tree, he raised his pious eyes to take a survey of the ground before +him. It startled him to see the embodied image of his thoughts not far +ahead. Mary herself. And alone. + +At first Mr Pecksniff stopped as if with the intention of avoiding +her; but his next impulse was to advance, which he did at a brisk pace; +caroling as he went so sweetly and with so much innocence that he only +wanted feathers and wings to be a bird. + +Hearing notes behind her, not belonging to the songsters of the grove, +she looked round. Mr Pecksniff kissed his hand, and was at her side +immediately. + +'Communing with nature?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'So am I.' + +She said the morning was so beautiful that she had walked further than +she intended, and would return. Mr Pecksniff said it was exactly his +case, and he would return with her. + +'Take my arm, sweet girl,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +Mary declined it, and walked so very fast that he remonstrated. 'You +were loitering when I came upon you,' Mr Pecksniff said. 'Why be so +cruel as to hurry now? You would not shun me, would you?' + +'Yes, I would,' she answered, turning her glowing cheek indignantly +upon him, 'you know I would. Release me, Mr Pecksniff. Your touch is +disagreeable to me.' + +His touch! What? That chaste patriarchal touch which Mrs Todgers--surely +a discreet lady--had endured, not only without complaint, but with +apparent satisfaction! This was positively wrong. Mr Pecksniff was sorry +to hear her say it. + +'If you have not observed,' said Mary, 'that it is so, pray take +assurance from my lips, and do not, as you are a gentleman, continue to +offend me.' + +'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, mildly, 'I feel that I might consider +this becoming in a daughter of my own, and why should I object to it +in one so beautiful! It's harsh. It cuts me to the soul,' said Mr +Pecksniff; 'but I cannot quarrel with you, Mary.' + +She tried to say she was sorry to hear it, but burst into tears. Mr +Pecksniff now repeated the Todgers performance on a comfortable scale, +as if he intended it to last some time; and in his disengaged hand, +catching hers, employed himself in separating the fingers with his own, +and sometimes kissing them, as he pursued the conversation thus: + +'I am glad we met. I am very glad we met. I am able now to ease my +bosom of a heavy load, and speak to you in confidence. Mary,' said Mr +Pecksniff in his tenderest tones, indeed they were so very tender that +he almost squeaked: 'My soul! I love you!' + +A fantastic thing, that maiden affectation! She made believe to shudder. + +'I love you,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'my gentle life, with a devotion which +is quite surprising, even to myself. I did suppose that the sensation +was buried in the silent tomb of a lady, only second to you in qualities +of the mind and form; but I find I am mistaken.' + +She tried to disengage her hand, but might as well have tried to free +herself from the embrace of an affectionate boa-constrictor; if anything +so wily may be brought into comparison with Pecksniff. + +'Although I am a widower,' said Mr Pecksniff, examining the rings upon +her fingers, and tracing the course of one delicate blue vein with his +fat thumb, 'a widower with two daughters, still I am not encumbered, +my love. One of them, as you know, is married. The other, by her own +desire, but with a view, I will confess--why not?--to my altering my +condition, is about to leave her father's house. I have a character, +I hope. People are pleased to speak well of me, I think. My person +and manner are not absolutely those of a monster, I trust. Ah! naughty +Hand!' said Mr Pecksniff, apostrophizing the reluctant prize, 'why did +you take me prisoner? Go, go!' + +He slapped the hand to punish it; but relenting, folded it in his +waistcoat to comfort it again. + +'Blessed in each other, and in the society of our venerable friend, my +darling,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'we shall be happy. When he is wafted to a +haven of rest, we will console each other. My pretty primrose, what do +you say?' + +'It is possible,' Mary answered, in a hurried manner, 'that I ought to +feel grateful for this mark of your confidence. I cannot say that I do, +but I am willing to suppose you may deserve my thanks. Take them; and +pray leave me, Mr Pecksniff.' + +The good man smiled a greasy smile; and drew her closer to him. + +'Pray, pray release me, Mr Pecksniff. I cannot listen to your proposal. +I cannot receive it. There are many to whom it may be acceptable, but it +is not so to me. As an act of kindness and an act of pity, leave me!' + +Mr Pecksniff walked on with his arm round her waist, and her hand in +his, as contentedly as if they had been all in all to each other, and +were joined in the bonds of truest love. + +'If you force me by your superior strength,' said Mary, who finding that +good words had not the least effect upon him, made no further effort to +suppress her indignation; 'if you force me by your superior strength +to accompany you back, and to be the subject of your insolence upon the +way, you cannot constrain the expression of my thoughts. I hold you in +the deepest abhorrence. I know your real nature and despise it.' + +'No, no,' said Mr Pecksniff, sweetly. 'No, no, no!' + +'By what arts or unhappy chances you have gained your influence over +Mr Chuzzlewit, I do not know,' said Mary; 'it may be strong enough to +soften even this, but he shall know of this, trust me, sir.' + +Mr Pecksniff raised his heavy eyelids languidly, and let them fall +again. It was saying with perfect coolness, 'Aye, aye! Indeed!' + +'Is it not enough,' said Mary, 'that you warp and change his nature, +adapt his every prejudice to your bad ends, and harden a heart naturally +kind by shutting out the truth and allowing none but false and distorted +views to reach it; is it not enough that you have the power of doing +this, and that you exercise it, but must you also be so coarse, so +cruel, and so cowardly to me?' + +Still Mr Pecksniff led her calmly on, and looked as mild as any lamb +that ever pastured in the fields. + +'Will nothing move you, sir?' cried Mary. + +'My dear,' observed Mr Pecksniff, with a placid leer, 'a habit of +self-examination, and the practice of--shall I say of virtue?' + +'Of hypocrisy,' said Mary. + +'No, no,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, chafing the captive hand reproachfully, +'of virtue--have enabled me to set such guards upon myself, that it +is really difficult to ruffle me. It is a curious fact, but it is +difficult, do you know, for any one to ruffle me. And did she think,' +said Mr Pecksniff, with a playful tightening of his grasp 'that SHE +could! How little did she know his heart!' + +Little, indeed! Her mind was so strangely constituted that she would +have preferred the caresses of a toad, an adder, or a serpent--nay, the +hug of a bear--to the endearments of Mr Pecksniff. + +'Come, come,' said that good gentleman, 'a word or two will set this +matter right, and establish a pleasant understanding between us. I am +not angry, my love.' + +'YOU angry!' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I am not. I say so. Neither are you.' + +There was a beating heart beneath his hand that told another story +though. + +'I am sure you are not,' said Mr Pecksniff: 'and I will tell you why. +There are two Martin Chuzzlewits, my dear; and your carrying your anger +to one might have a serious effect--who knows!--upon the other. You +wouldn't wish to hurt him, would you?' + +She trembled violently, and looked at him with such a proud disdain that +he turned his eyes away. No doubt lest he should be offended with her in +spite of his better self. + +'A passive quarrel, my love,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'may be changed into +an active one, remember. It would be sad to blight even a disinherited +young man in his already blighted prospects; but how easy to do it. +Ah, how easy! HAVE I influence with our venerable friend, do you think? +Well, perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.' + +He raised his eyes to hers; and nodded with an air of banter that was +charming. + +'No,' he continued, thoughtfully. 'Upon the whole, my sweet, if I were +you I'd keep my secret to myself. I am not at all sure--very far from +it--that it would surprise our friend in any way, for he and I have had +some conversation together only this morning, and he is anxious, very +anxious, to establish you in some more settled manner. But whether he +was surprised or not surprised, the consequence of your imparting +it might be the same. Martin junior might suffer severely. I'd have +compassion on Martin junior, do you know?' said Mr Pecksniff, with a +persuasive smile. 'Yes. He don't deserve it, but I would.' + +She wept so bitterly now, and was so much distressed, that he thought it +prudent to unclasp her waist, and hold her only by the hand. + +'As to our own share in the precious little mystery,' said Mr Pecksniff, +'we will keep it to ourselves, and talk of it between ourselves, and +you shall think it over. You will consent, my love; you will consent, +I know. Whatever you may think; you will. I seem to remember to have +heard--I really don't know where, or how'--he added, with bewitching +frankness, 'that you and Martin junior, when you were children, had a +sort of childish fondness for each other. When we are married, you shall +have the satisfaction of thinking that it didn't last to ruin him, but +passed away to do him good; for we'll see then what we can do to put +some trifling help in Martin junior's way. HAVE I any influence with our +venerable friend? Well! Perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.' + +The outlet from the wood in which these tender passages occurred, was +close to Mr Pecksniff's house. They were now so near it that he stopped, +and holding up her little finger, said in playful accents, as a parting +fancy: + +'Shall I bite it?' + +Receiving no reply he kissed it instead; and then stooping down, +inclined his flabby face to hers--he had a flabby face, although he +WAS a good man--and with a blessing, which from such a source was quite +enough to set her up in life, and prosper her from that time forth +permitted her to leave him. + +Gallantry in its true sense is supposed to ennoble and dignify a +man; and love has shed refinements on innumerable Cymons. But Mr +Pecksniff--perhaps because to one of his exalted nature these were mere +grossnesses--certainly did not appear to any unusual advantage, now that +he was left alone. On the contrary, he seemed to be shrunk and reduced; +to be trying to hide himself within himself; and to be wretched at not +having the power to do it. His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked +too long; his hair looked too limp; his features looked too mean; his +exposed throat looked as if a halter would have done it good. For a +minute or two, in fact, he was hot, and pale, and mean, and shy, and +slinking, and consequently not at all Pecksniffian. But after that, he +recovered himself, and went home with as beneficent an air as if he had +been the High Priest of the summer weather. + +'I have arranged to go, Papa,' said Charity, 'to-morrow.' + +'So soon, my child!' + +'I can't go too soon,' said Charity, 'under the circumstances. I have +written to Mrs Todgers to propose an arrangement, and have requested her +to meet me at the coach, at all events. You'll be quite your own master +now, Mr Pinch!' + +Mr Pecksniff had just gone out of the room, and Tom had just come into +it. + +'My own master!' repeated Tom. + +'Yes, you'll have nobody to interfere with you,' said Charity. 'At least +I hope you won't. Hem! It's a changing world.' + +'What! are YOU going to be married, Miss Pecksniff?' asked Tom in great +surprise. + +'Not exactly,' faltered Cherry. 'I haven't made up my mind to be. I +believe I could be, if I chose, Mr Pinch.' + +'Of course you could!' said Tom. And he said it in perfect good faith. +He believed it from the bottom of his heart. + +'No,' said Cherry, 'I am not going to be married. Nobody is, that I know +of. Hem! But I am not going to live with Papa. I have my reasons, but +it's all a secret. I shall always feel very kindly towards you, I assure +you, for the boldness you showed that night. As to you and me, Mr Pinch, +WE part the best friends possible!' + +Tom thanked her for her confidence, and for her friendship, but there +was a mystery in the former which perfectly bewildered him. In his +extravagant devotion to the family, he had felt the loss of Merry more +than any one but those who knew that for all the slights he underwent he +thought his own demerits were to blame, could possibly have understood. +He had scarcely reconciled himself to that when here was Charity about +to leave them. She had grown up, as it were, under Tom's eye. +The sisters were a part of Pecksniff, and a part of Tom; items in +Pecksniff's goodness, and in Tom's service. He couldn't bear it; not two +hours' sleep had Tom that night, through dwelling in his bed upon these +dreadful changes. + +When morning dawned he thought he must have dreamed this piece of +ambiguity; but no, on going downstairs he found them packing trunks +and cording boxes, and making other preparations for Miss Charity's +departure, which lasted all day long. In good time for the evening +coach, Miss Charity deposited her housekeeping keys with much ceremony +upon the parlour table; took a gracious leave of all the house; and +quitted her paternal roof--a blessing for which the Pecksniffian servant +was observed by some profane persons to be particularly active in the +thanksgiving at church next Sunday. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE + +MR PINCH IS DISCHARGED OF A DUTY WHICH HE NEVER OWED TO ANYBODY, AND MR +PECKSNIFF DISCHARGES A DUTY WHICH HE OWES TO SOCIETY + + +The closing words of the last chapter lead naturally to the commencement +of this, its successor; for it has to do with a church. With the church, +so often mentioned heretofore, in which Tom Pinch played the organ for +nothing. + +One sultry afternoon, about a week after Miss Charity's departure for +London, Mr Pecksniff being out walking by himself, took it into his head +to stray into the churchyard. As he was lingering among the tombstones, +endeavouring to extract an available sentiment or two from the +epitaphs--for he never lost an opportunity of making up a few moral +crackers, to be let off as occasion served--Tom Pinch began to practice. +Tom could run down to the church and do so whenever he had time to +spare; for it was a simple little organ, provided with wind by the +action of the musician's feet; and he was independent, even of a +bellows-blower. Though if Tom had wanted one at any time, there was +not a man or boy in all the village, and away to the turnpike (tollman +included), but would have blown away for him till he was black in the +face. + +Mr Pecksniff had no objection to music; not the least. He was tolerant +of everything; he often said so. He considered it a vagabond kind of +trifling, in general, just suited to Tom's capacity. But in regard +to Tom's performance upon this same organ, he was remarkably lenient, +singularly amiable; for when Tom played it on Sundays, Mr Pecksniff +in his unbounded sympathy felt as if he played it himself, and were a +benefactor to the congregation. So whenever it was impossible to devise +any other means of taking the value of Tom's wages out of him, Mr +Pecksniff gave him leave to cultivate this instrument. For which mark of +his consideration Tom was very grateful. + +The afternoon was remarkably warm, and Mr Pecksniff had been strolling +a long way. He had not what may be called a fine ear for music, but he +knew when it had a tranquilizing influence on his soul; and that was the +case now, for it sounded to him like a melodious snore. He approached +the church, and looking through the diamond lattice of a window near the +porch, saw Tom, with the curtains in the loft drawn back, playing away +with great expression and tenderness. + +The church had an inviting air of coolness. The old oak roof supported +by cross-beams, the hoary walls, the marble tablets, and the cracked +stone pavement, were refreshing to look at. There were leaves of ivy +tapping gently at the opposite windows; and the sun poured in through +only one; leaving the body of the church in tempting shade. But the +most tempting spot of all, was one red-curtained and soft-cushioned pew, +wherein the official dignitaries of the place (of whom Mr Pecksniff was +the head and chief) enshrined themselves on Sundays. Mr Pecksniff's seat +was in the corner; a remarkably comfortable corner; where his very large +Prayer-Book was at that minute making the most of its quarto self upon +the desk. He determined to go in and rest. + +He entered very softly; in part because it was a church; in part because +his tread was always soft; in part because Tom played a solemn tune; in +part because he thought he would surprise him when he stopped. Unbolting +the door of the high pew of state, he glided in and shut it after him; +then sitting in his usual place, and stretching out his legs upon the +hassocks, he composed himself to listen to the music. + +It is an unaccountable circumstance that he should have felt drowsy +there, where the force of association might surely have been enough +to keep him wide awake; but he did. He had not been in the snug little +corner five minutes before he began to nod. He had not recovered himself +one minute before he began to nod again. In the very act of opening his +eyes indolently, he nodded again. In the very act of shutting them, he +nodded again. So he fell out of one nod into another until at last he +ceased to nod at all, and was as fast as the church itself. + +He had a consciousness of the organ, long after he fell asleep, though +as to its being an organ he had no more idea of that than he had of +its being a bull. After a while he began to have at intervals the same +dreamy impressions of voices; and awakening to an indolent curiosity +upon the subject, opened his eyes. + +He was so indolent, that after glancing at the hassocks and the pew, he +was already half-way off to sleep again, when it occurred to him that +there really were voices in the church; low voices, talking earnestly +hard by; while the echoes seemed to mutter responses. He roused himself, +and listened. + +Before he had listened half a dozen seconds, he became as broad awake as +ever he had been in all his life. With eyes, and ears, and mouth, +wide open, he moved himself a very little with the utmost caution, and +gathering the curtain in his hand, peeped out. + +Tom Pinch and Mary. Of course. He had recognized their voices, and +already knew the topic they discussed. Looking like the small end of a +guillotined man, with his chin on a level with the top of the pew, so +that he might duck down immediately in case of either of them turning +round, he listened. Listened with such concentrated eagerness, that his +very hair and shirt-collar stood bristling up to help him. + +'No,' cried Tom. 'No letters have ever reached me, except that one from +New York. But don't be uneasy on that account, for it's very likely +they have gone away to some far-off place, where the posts are neither +regular nor frequent. He said in that very letter that it might be so, +even in that city to which they thought of travelling--Eden, you know.' + +'It is a great weight upon my mind,' said Mary. + +'Oh, but you mustn't let it be,' said Tom. 'There's a true saying that +nothing travels so fast as ill news; and if the slightest harm had +happened to Martin, you may be sure you would have heard of it long +ago. I have often wished to say this to you,' Tom continued with an +embarrassment that became him very well, 'but you have never given me an +opportunity.' + +'I have sometimes been almost afraid,' said Mary, 'that you might +suppose I hesitated to confide in you, Mr Pinch.' + +'No,' Tom stammered, 'I--I am not aware that I ever supposed that. I +am sure that if I have, I have checked the thought directly, as an +injustice to you. I feel the delicacy of your situation in having to +confide in me at all,' said Tom, 'but I would risk my life to save you +from one day's uneasiness; indeed I would!' + +Poor Tom! + +'I have dreaded sometimes,' Tom continued, 'that I might have displeased +you by--by having the boldness to try and anticipate your wishes now and +then. At other times I have fancied that your kindness prompted you to +keep aloof from me.' + +'Indeed!' + +'It was very foolish; very presumptuous and ridiculous, to think +so,' Tom pursued; 'but I feared you might suppose it possible that +I--I--should admire you too much for my own peace; and so denied +yourself the slight assistance you would otherwise have accepted from +me. If such an idea has ever presented itself to you,' faltered Tom, +'pray dismiss it. I am easily made happy; and I shall live contented +here long after you and Martin have forgotten me. I am a poor, shy, +awkward creature; not at all a man of the world; and you should think no +more of me, bless you, than if I were an old friar!' + +If friars bear such hearts as thine, Tom, let friars multiply; though +they have no such rule in all their stern arithmetic. + +'Dear Mr Pinch!' said Mary, giving him her hand; 'I cannot tell you how +your kindness moves me. I have never wronged you by the lightest doubt, +and have never for an instant ceased to feel that you were all--much +more than all--that Martin found you. Without the silent care and +friendship I have experienced from you, my life here would have been +unhappy. But you have been a good angel to me; filling me with gratitude +of heart, hope, and courage.' + +'I am as little like an angel, I am afraid,' replied Tom, shaking his +head, 'as any stone cherubim among the grave-stones; and I don't think +there are many real angels of THAT pattern. But I should like to know +(if you will tell me) why you have been so very silent about Martin.' + +'Because I have been afraid,' said Mary, 'of injuring you.' + +'Of injuring me!' cried Tom. + +'Of doing you an injury with your employer.' + +The gentleman in question dived. + +'With Pecksniff!' rejoined Tom, with cheerful confidence. 'Oh dear, he'd +never think of us! He's the best of men. The more at ease you were, the +happier he would be. Oh dear, you needn't be afraid of Pecksniff. He is +not a spy.' + +Many a man in Mr Pecksniff's place, if he could have dived through the +floor of the pew of state and come out at Calcutta or any inhabited +region on the other side of the earth, would have done it instantly. Mr +Pecksniff sat down upon a hassock, and listening more attentively than +ever, smiled. + +Mary seemed to have expressed some dissent in the meanwhile, for Tom +went on to say, with honest energy: + +'Well, I don't know how it is, but it always happens, whenever I express +myself in this way to anybody almost, that I find they won't do justice +to Pecksniff. It is one of the most extraordinary circumstances that +ever came within my knowledge, but it is so. There's John Westlock, who +used to be a pupil here, one of the best-hearted young men in the world, +in all other matters--I really believe John would have Pecksniff flogged +at the cart's tail if he could. And John is not a solitary case, +for every pupil we have had in my time has gone away with the same +inveterate hatred of him. There was Mark Tapley, too, quite in another +station of life,' said Tom; 'the mockery he used to make of Pecksniff +when he was at the Dragon was shocking. Martin too: Martin was worse +than any of 'em. But I forgot. He prepared you to dislike Pecksniff, of +course. So you came with a prejudice, you know, Miss Graham, and are not +a fair witness.' + +Tom triumphed very much in this discovery, and rubbed his hands with +great satisfaction. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Mary, 'you mistake him.' + +'No, no!' cried Tom. 'YOU mistake him. But,' he added, with a rapid +change in his tone, 'what is the matter? Miss Graham, what is the +matter?' + +Mr Pecksniff brought up to the top of the pew, by slow degrees, his +hair, his forehead, his eyebrow, his eye. She was sitting on a bench +beside the door with her hands before her face; and Tom was bending over +her. + +'What is the matter?' cried Tom. 'Have I said anything to hurt you? Has +any one said anything to hurt you? Don't cry. Pray tell me what it is. +I cannot bear to see you so distressed. Mercy on us, I never was so +surprised and grieved in all my life!' + +Mr Pecksniff kept his eye in the same place. He could have moved it now +for nothing short of a gimlet or a red-hot wire. + +'I wouldn't have told you, Mr Pinch,' said Mary, 'if I could have helped +it; but your delusion is so absorbing, and it is so necessary that we +should be upon our guard; that you should not be compromised; and to +that end that you should know by whom I am beset; that no alternative +is left me. I came here purposely to tell you, but I think I should +have wanted courage if you had not chanced to lead me so directly to the +object of my coming.' + +Tom gazed at her steadfastly, and seemed to say, 'What else?' But he +said not a word. + +'That person whom you think the best of men,' said Mary, looking up, and +speaking with a quivering lip and flashing eye. + +'Lord bless me!' muttered Tom, staggering back. 'Wait a moment. That +person whom I think the best of men! You mean Pecksniff, of course. +Yes, I see you mean Pecksniff. Good gracious me, don't speak without +authority. What has he done? If he is not the best of men, what is he?' + +'The worst. The falsest, craftiest, meanest, cruellest, most +sordid, most shameless,' said the trembling girl--trembling with her +indignation. + +Tom sat down on a seat, and clasped his hands. + +'What is he,' said Mary, 'who receiving me in his house as his guest; +his unwilling guest; knowing my history, and how defenceless and alone +I am, presumes before his daughters to affront me so, that if I had a +brother but a child, who saw it, he would instinctively have helped me?' + +'He is a scoundrel!' exclaimed Tom. 'Whoever he may be, he is a +scoundrel.' + +Mr Pecksniff dived again. + +'What is he,' said Mary, 'who, when my only friend--a dear and kind one, +too--was in full health of mind, humbled himself before him, but was +spurned away (for he knew him then) like a dog. Who, in his forgiving +spirit, now that that friend is sunk into a failing state, can crawl +about him again, and use the influence he basely gains for every base +and wicked purpose, and not for one--not one--that's true or good?' + +'I say he is a scoundrel!' answered Tom. + +'But what is he--oh, Mr Pinch, what IS he--who, thinking he could +compass these designs the better if I were his wife, assails me with the +coward's argument that if I marry him, Martin, on whom I have brought so +much misfortune, shall be restored to something of his former hopes; and +if I do not, shall be plunged in deeper ruin? What is he who makes my +very constancy to one I love with all my heart a torture to myself and +wrong to him; who makes me, do what I will, the instrument to hurt a +head I would heap blessings on! What is he who, winding all these cruel +snares about me, explains their purpose to me, with a smooth tongue and +a smiling face, in the broad light of day; dragging me on, the while, in +his embrace, and holding to his lips a hand,' pursued the agitated girl, +extending it, 'which I would have struck off, if with it I could lose +the shame and degradation of his touch?' + +'I say,' cried Tom, in great excitement, 'he is a scoundrel and a +villain! I don't care who he is, I say he is a double-dyed and most +intolerable villain!' + +Covering her face with her hands again, as if the passion which had +sustained her through these disclosures lost itself in an overwhelming +sense of shame and grief, she abandoned herself to tears. + +Any sight of distress was sure to move the tenderness of Tom, but this +especially. Tears and sobs from her were arrows in his heart. He tried +to comfort her; sat down beside her; expended all his store of homely +eloquence; and spoke in words of praise and hope of Martin. Aye, though +he loved her from his soul with such a self-denying love as woman seldom +wins; he spoke from first to last of Martin. Not the wealth of the rich +Indies would have tempted Tom to shirk one mention of her lover's name. + +When she was more composed, she impressed upon Tom that this man she +had described, was Pecksniff in his real colours; and word by word and +phrase by phrase, as well as she remembered it, related what had +passed between them in the wood: which was no doubt a source of high +gratification to that gentleman himself, who in his desire to see and +his dread of being seen, was constantly diving down into the state pew, +and coming up again like the intelligent householder in Punch's Show, +who avoids being knocked on the head with a cudgel. When she had +concluded her account, and had besought Tom to be very distant and +unconscious in his manner towards her after this explanation, and had +thanked him very much, they parted on the alarm of footsteps in the +burial-ground; and Tom was left alone in the church again. + +And now the full agitation and misery of the disclosure came rushing +upon Tom indeed. The star of his whole life from boyhood had become, in +a moment, putrid vapour. It was not that Pecksniff, Tom's Pecksniff, had +ceased to exist, but that he never had existed. In his death Tom would +have had the comfort of remembering what he used to be, but in this +discovery, he had the anguish of recollecting what he never was. For, +as Tom's blindness in this matter had been total and not partial, so was +his restored sight. HIS Pecksniff could never have worked the wickedness +of which he had just now heard, but any other Pecksniff could; and the +Pecksniff who could do that could do anything, and no doubt had been +doing anything and everything except the right thing, all through his +career. From the lofty height on which poor Tom had placed his idol it +was tumbled down headlong, and + + Not all the king's horses, nor all the king's men, + Could have set Mr Pecksniff up again. + +Legions of Titans couldn't have got him out of the mud; and serve him +right! But it was not he who suffered; it was Tom. His compass was +broken, his chart destroyed, his chronometer had stopped, his masts were +gone by the board; his anchor was adrift, ten thousand leagues away. + +Mr Pecksniff watched him with a lively interest, for he divined the +purpose of Tom's ruminations, and was curious to see how he conducted +himself. For some time, Tom wandered up and down the aisle like a man +demented, stopping occasionally to lean against a pew and think it over; +then he stood staring at a blank old monument bordered tastefully with +skulls and cross-bones, as if it were the finest work of Art he had ever +seen, although at other times he held it in unspeakable contempt; then +he sat down; then walked to and fro again; then went wandering up into +the organ-loft, and touched the keys. But their minstrelsy was changed, +their music gone; and sounding one long melancholy chord, Tom drooped +his head upon his hands and gave it up as hopeless. + +'I wouldn't have cared,' said Tom Pinch, rising from his stool and +looking down into the church as if he had been the Clergyman, 'I +wouldn't have cared for anything he might have done to Me, for I have +tried his patience often, and have lived upon his sufferance and have +never been the help to him that others could have been. I wouldn't have +minded, Pecksniff,' Tom continued, little thinking who heard him, 'if +you had done Me any wrong; I could have found plenty of excuses for +that; and though you might have hurt me, could have still gone on +respecting you. But why did you ever fall so low as this in my esteem! +Oh Pecksniff, Pecksniff, there is nothing I would not have given, to +have had you deserve my old opinion of you; nothing!' + +Mr Pecksniff sat upon the hassock pulling up his shirt-collar, while +Tom, touched to the quick, delivered this apostrophe. After a pause he +heard Tom coming down the stairs, jingling the church keys; and bringing +his eye to the top of the pew again, saw him go slowly out and lock the +door. + +Mr Pecksniff durst not issue from his place of concealment; for through +the windows of the church he saw Tom passing on among the graves, and +sometimes stopping at a stone, and leaning there as if he were a +mourner who had lost a friend. Even when he had left the churchyard, Mr +Pecksniff still remained shut up; not being at all secure but that in +his restless state of mind Tom might come wandering back. At length he +issued forth, and walked with a pleasant countenance into the vestry; +where he knew there was a window near the ground, by which he could +release himself by merely stepping out. + +He was in a curious frame of mind, Mr Pecksniff; being in no hurry to +go, but rather inclining to a dilatory trifling with the time, which +prompted him to open the vestry cupboard, and look at himself in the +parson's little glass that hung within the door. Seeing that his hair +was rumpled, he took the liberty of borrowing the canonical brush and +arranging it. He also took the liberty of opening another cupboard; but +he shut it up again quickly, being rather startled by the sight of a +black and a white surplice dangling against the wall; which had very +much the appearance of two curates who had committed suicide by hanging +themselves. Remembering that he had seen in the first cupboard a +port-wine bottle and some biscuits, he peeped into it again, and helped +himself with much deliberation; cogitating all the time though, in +a very deep and weighty manner, as if his thoughts were otherwise +employed. + +He soon made up his mind, if it had ever been in doubt; and putting +back the bottle and biscuits, opened the casement. He got out into the +churchyard without any difficulty; shut the window after him; and walked +straight home. + +'Is Mr Pinch indoors?' asked Mr Pecksniff of his serving-maid. + +'Just come in, sir.' + +'Just come in, eh?' repeated Mr Pecksniff, cheerfully. 'And gone +upstairs, I suppose?' + +'Yes sir. Gone upstairs. Shall I call him, sir?' + +'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'no. You needn't call him, Jane. Thank you, +Jane. How are your relations, Jane?' + +'Pretty well, I thank you, sir.' + +'I am glad to hear it. Let them know I asked about them, Jane. Is Mr +Chuzzlewit in the way, Jane?' + +'Yes, sir. He's in the parlour, reading.' + +'He's in the parlour, reading, is he, Jane?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Very +well. Then I think I'll go and see him, Jane.' + +Never had Mr Pecksniff been beheld in a more pleasant humour! + +But when he walked into the parlour where the old man was engaged as +Jane had said; with pen and ink and paper on a table close at hand (for +Mr Pecksniff was always very particular to have him well supplied with +writing materials), he became less cheerful. He was not angry, he was +not vindictive, he was not cross, he was not moody, but he was grieved; +he was sorely grieved. As he sat down by the old man's side, two +tears--not tears like those with which recording angels blot their +entries out, but drops so precious that they use them for their +ink--stole down his meritorious cheeks. + +'What is the matter?' asked old Martin. 'Pecksniff, what ails you, man?' + +'I am sorry to interrupt you, my dear sir, and I am still more sorry for +the cause. My good, my worthy friend, I am deceived.' + +'You are deceived!' + +'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in an agony, 'deceived in the tenderest +point. Cruelly deceived in that quarter, sir, in which I placed the most +unbounded confidence. Deceived, Mr Chuzzlewit, by Thomas Pinch.' + +'Oh! bad, bad, bad!' said Martin, laying down his book. 'Very bad! I +hope not. Are you certain?' + +'Certain, my good sir! My eyes and ears are witnesses. I wouldn't have +believed it otherwise. I wouldn't have believed it, Mr Chuzzlewit, if a +Fiery Serpent had proclaimed it from the top of Salisbury Cathedral. I +would have said,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'that the Serpent lied. Such was +my faith in Thomas Pinch, that I would have cast the falsehood back into +the Serpent's teeth, and would have taken Thomas to my heart. But I am +not a Serpent, sir, myself, I grieve to say, and no excuse or hope is +left me.' + +Martin was greatly disturbed to see him so much agitated, and to hear +such unexpected news. He begged him to compose himself, and asked upon +what subject Mr Pinch's treachery had been developed. + +'That is almost the worst of all, sir,' Mr Pecksniff answered, 'on a +subject nearly concerning YOU. Oh! is it not enough,' said Mr Pecksniff, +looking upward, 'that these blows must fall on me, but must they also +hit my friends!' + +'You alarm me,' cried the old man, changing colour. 'I am not so strong +as I was. You terrify me, Pecksniff!' + +'Cheer up, my noble sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking courage, 'and we +will do what is required of us. You shall know all, sir, and shall +be righted. But first excuse me, sir, excuse me. I have a duty to +discharge, which I owe to society.' + +He rang the bell, and Jane appeared. 'Send Mr Pinch here, if you please, +Jane.' + +Tom came. Constrained and altered in his manner, downcast and dejected, +visibly confused; not liking to look Pecksniff in the face. + +The honest man bestowed a glance on Mr Chuzzlewit, as who should say +'You see!' and addressed himself to Tom in these terms: + +'Mr Pinch, I have left the vestry-window unfastened. Will you do me the +favour to go and secure it; then bring the keys of the sacred edifice to +me!' + +'The vestry-window, sir?' cried Tom. + +'You understand me, Mr Pinch, I think,' returned his patron. 'Yes, Mr +Pinch, the vestry-window. I grieve to say that sleeping in the church +after a fatiguing ramble, I overheard just now some fragments,' he +emphasised that word, 'of a dialogue between two parties; and one of +them locking the church when he went out, I was obliged to leave +it myself by the vestry-window. Do me the favour to secure that +vestry-window, Mr Pinch, and then come back to me.' + +No physiognomist that ever dwelt on earth could have construed Tom's +face when he heard these words. Wonder was in it, and a mild look of +reproach, but certainly no fear or guilt, although a host of strong +emotions struggled to display themselves. He bowed, and without saying +one word, good or bad, withdrew. + +'Pecksniff,' cried Martin, in a tremble, 'what does all this mean? You +are not going to do anything in haste, you may regret!' + +'No, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, firmly, 'No. But I have a duty to +discharge which I owe to society; and it shall be discharged, my friend, +at any cost!' + +Oh, late-remembered, much-forgotten, mouthing, braggart duty, always +owed, and seldom paid in any other coin than punishment and wrath, when +will mankind begin to know thee! When will men acknowledge thee in thy +neglected cradle, and thy stunted youth, and not begin their recognition +in thy sinful manhood and thy desolate old age! Oh, ermined Judge whose +duty to society is, now, to doom the ragged criminal to punishment and +death, hadst thou never, Man, a duty to discharge in barring up the +hundred open gates that wooed him to the felon's dock, and throwing but +ajar the portals to a decent life! Oh, prelate, prelate, whose duty to +society it is to mourn in melancholy phrase the sad degeneracy of these +bad times in which thy lot of honours has been cast, did nothing go +before thy elevation to the lofty seat, from which thou dealest out thy +homilies to other tarriers for dead men's shoes, whose duty to society +has not begun! Oh! magistrate, so rare a country gentleman and brave a +squire, had you no duty to society, before the ricks were blazing and +the mob were mad; or did it spring up, armed and booted from the earth, +a corps of yeomanry full-grown! + +Mr Pecksniff's duty to society could not be paid till Tom came back. The +interval which preceded the return of that young man, he occupied in a +close conference with his friend; so that when Tom did arrive, he found +the two quite ready to receive him. Mary was in her own room above, +whither Mr Pecksniff, always considerate, had besought old Martin to +entreat her to remain some half-hour longer, that her feelings might be +spared. + +When Tom came back, he found old Martin sitting by the window, and Mr +Pecksniff in an imposing attitude at the table. On one side of him was +his pocket-handkerchief; and on the other a little heap (a very little +heap) of gold and silver, and odd pence. Tom saw, at a glance, that it +was his own salary for the current quarter. + +'Have you fastened the vestry-window, Mr Pinch?' said Pecksniff. + +'Yes, sir.' + +'Thank you. Put down the keys if you please, Mr Pinch.' + +Tom placed them on the table. He held the bunch by the key of the +organ-loft (though it was one of the smallest), and looked hard at it +as he laid it down. It had been an old, old friend of Tom's; a kind +companion to him, many and many a day. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, shaking his head; 'oh, Mr Pinch! I wonder +you can look me in the face!' + +Tom did it though; and notwithstanding that he has been described as +stooping generally, he stood as upright then as man could stand. + +'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, taking up his handkerchief, as if he felt +that he should want it soon, 'I will not dwell upon the past. I will +spare you, and I will spare myself, that pain at least.' + +Tom's was not a very bright eye, but it was a very expressive one when +he looked at Mr Pecksniff, and said: + +'Thank you, sir. I am very glad you will not refer to the past.' + +'The present is enough,' said Mr Pecksniff, dropping a penny, 'and +the sooner THAT is past, the better. Mr Pinch, I will not dismiss +you without a word of explanation. Even such a course would be quite +justifiable under the circumstances; but it might wear an appearance of +hurry, and I will not do it; for I am,' said Mr Pecksniff, knocking down +another penny, 'perfectly self-possessed. Therefore I will say to you, +what I have already said to Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +Tom glanced at the old gentleman, who nodded now and then as approving +of Mr Pecksniff's sentences and sentiments, but interposed between them +in no other way. + +'From fragments of a conversation which I overheard in the church, just +now, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, 'between yourself and Miss Graham--I say +fragments, because I was slumbering at a considerable distance from you, +when I was roused by your voices--and from what I saw, I ascertained (I +would have given a great deal not to have ascertained, Mr Pinch) that +you, forgetful of all ties of duty and of honour, sir; regardless of the +sacred laws of hospitality, to which you were pledged as an inmate +of this house; have presumed to address Miss Graham with unreturned +professions of attachment and proposals of love.' + +Tom looked at him steadily. + +'Do you deny it, sir?' asked Mr Pecksniff, dropping one pound two and +fourpence, and making a great business of picking it up again. + +'No, sir,' replied Tom. 'I do not.' + +'You do not,' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the old gentleman. 'Oblige +me by counting this money, Mr Pinch, and putting your name to this +receipt. You do not?' + +No, Tom did not. He scorned to deny it. He saw that Mr Pecksniff having +overheard his own disgrace, cared not a jot for sinking lower yet in his +contempt. He saw that he had devised this fiction as the readiest means +of getting rid of him at once, but that it must end in that any way. He +saw that Mr Pecksniff reckoned on his not denying it, because his doing +so and explaining would incense the old man more than ever against +Martin and against Mary; while Pecksniff himself would only have been +mistaken in his 'fragments.' Deny it! No. + +'You find the amount correct, do you, Mr Pinch?' said Pecksniff. + +'Quite correct, sir,' answered Tom. + +'A person is waiting in the kitchen,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to carry +your luggage wherever you please. We part, Mr Pinch, at once, and are +strangers from this time.' + +Something without a name; compassion, sorrow, old tenderness, mistaken +gratitude, habit; none of these, and yet all of them; smote upon Tom's +gentle heart at parting. There was no such soul as Pecksniff's in +that carcase; and yet, though his speaking out had not involved the +compromise of one he loved, he couldn't have denounced the very shape +and figure of the man. Not even then. + +'I will not say,' cried Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears, 'what a blow this +is. I will not say how much it tries me; how it works upon my nature; +how it grates upon my feelings. I do not care for that. I can endure as +well as another man. But what I have to hope, and what you have to hope, +Mr Pinch (otherwise a great responsibility rests upon you), is, that +this deception may not alter my ideas of humanity; that it may not +impair my freshness, or contract, if I may use the expression, my +Pinions. I hope it will not; I don't think it will. It may be a comfort +to you, if not now, at some future time, to know that I shall endeavour +not to think the worse of my fellow-creatures in general, for what has +passed between us. Farewell!' + +Tom had meant to spare him one little puncturation with a lancet, which +he had it in his power to administer, but he changed his mind on hearing +this, and said: + +'I think you left something in the church, sir.' + +'Thank you, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'I am not aware that I did.' + +'This is your double eye-glass, I believe?' said Tom. + +'Oh!' cried Pecksniff, with some degree of confusion. 'I am obliged to +you. Put it down, if you please.' + +'I found it,' said Tom, slowly--'when I went to bolt the +vestry-window--in the pew.' + +So he had. Mr Pecksniff had taken it off when he was bobbing up and +down, lest it should strike against the panelling; and had forgotten it. +Going back to the church with his mind full of having been watched, and +wondering very much from what part, Tom's attention was caught by the +door of the state pew standing open. Looking into it he found the glass. +And thus he knew, and by returning it gave Mr Pecksniff the information +that he knew, where the listener had been; and that instead of +overhearing fragments of the conversation, he must have rejoiced in +every word of it. + +'I am glad he's gone,' said Martin, drawing a long breath when Tom had +left the room. + +'It IS a relief,' assented Mr Pecksniff. 'It is a great relief. But +having discharged--I hope with tolerable firmness--the duty which I owed +to society, I will now, my dear sir, if you will give me leave, retire +to shed a few tears in the back garden, as an humble individual.' + +Tom went upstairs; cleared his shelf of books; packed them up with his +music and an old fiddle in his trunk; got out his clothes (they were not +so many that they made his head ache); put them on the top of his books; +and went into the workroom for his case of instruments. There was a +ragged stool there, with the horsehair all sticking out of the top like +a wig: a very Beast of a stool in itself; on which he had taken up his +daily seat, year after year, during the whole period of his service. +They had grown older and shabbier in company. Pupils had served their +time; seasons had come and gone. Tom and the worn-out stool had held +together through it all. That part of the room was traditionally called +'Tom's Corner.' It had been assigned to him at first because of its +being situated in a strong draught, and a great way from the fire; and +he had occupied it ever since. There were portraits of him on the walls, +with all his weak points monstrously portrayed. Diabolical sentiments, +foreign to his character, were represented as issuing from his mouth in +fat balloons. Every pupil had added something, even unto fancy portraits +of his father with one eye, and of his mother with a disproportionate +nose, and especially of his sister; who always being presented as +extremely beautiful, made full amends to Tom for any other jokes. Under +less uncommon circumstances, it would have cut Tom to the heart to leave +these things and think that he saw them for the last time; but it didn't +now. There was no Pecksniff; there never had been a Pecksniff; and all +his other griefs were swallowed up in that. + +So, when he returned into the bedroom, and, having fastened his box and +a carpet-bag, put on his walking gaiters, and his great-coat, and his +hat, and taken his stick in his hand, looked round it for the last time. +Early on summer mornings, and by the light of private candle-ends on +winter nights, he had read himself half blind in this same room. He had +tried in this same room to learn the fiddle under the bedclothes, but +yielding to objections from the other pupils, had reluctantly abandoned +the design. At any other time he would have parted from it with a pang, +thinking of all he had learned there, of the many hours he had passed +there; for the love of his very dreams. But there was no Pecksniff; +there never had been a Pecksniff, and the unreality of Pecksniff +extended itself to the chamber, in which, sitting on one particular +bed, the thing supposed to be that Great Abstraction had often preached +morality with such effect that Tom had felt a moisture in his eyes, +while hanging breathless on the words. + +The man engaged to bear his box--Tom knew him well: a Dragon man--came +stamping up the stairs, and made a roughish bow to Tom (to whom in +common times he would have nodded with a grin) as though he were aware +of what had happened, and wished him to perceive it made no difference +to HIM. It was clumsily done; he was a mere waterer of horses; but Tom +liked the man for it, and felt it more than going away. + +Tom would have helped him with the box, but he made no more of it, +though it was a heavy one, than an elephant would have made of a +castle; just swinging it on his back and bowling downstairs as if, being +naturally a heavy sort of fellow, he could carry a box infinitely better +than he could go alone. Tom took the carpet-bag, and went downstairs +along with him. At the outer door stood Jane, crying with all her might; +and on the steps was Mrs Lupin, sobbing bitterly, and putting out her +hand for Tom to shake. + +'You're coming to the Dragon, Mr Pinch?' + +'No,' said Tom, 'no. I shall walk to Salisbury to-night. I couldn't stay +here. For goodness' sake, don't make me so unhappy, Mrs Lupin.' + +'But you'll come to the Dragon, Mr Pinch. If it's only for tonight. To +see me, you know; not as a traveller.' + +'God bless my soul!' said Tom, wiping his eyes. 'The kindness of people +is enough to break one's heart! I mean to go to Salisbury to-night, my +dear good creature. If you'll take care of my box for me till I write +for it, I shall consider it the greatest kindness you can do me.' + +'I wish,' cried Mrs Lupin, 'there were twenty boxes, Mr Pinch, that I +might have 'em all.' + +'Thank'ee,' said Tom. 'It's like you. Good-bye. Good-bye.' + +There were several people, young and old, standing about the door, some +of whom cried with Mrs Lupin; while others tried to keep up a stout +heart, as Tom did; and others were absorbed in admiration of Mr +Pecksniff--a man who could build a church, as one may say, by squinting +at a sheet of paper; and others were divided between that feeling and +sympathy with Tom. Mr Pecksniff had appeared on the top of the steps, +simultaneously with his old pupil, and while Tom was talking with Mrs +Lupin kept his hand stretched out, as though he said 'Go forth!' When +Tom went forth, and had turned the corner Mr Pecksniff shook his head, +shut his eyes, and heaving a deep sigh, shut the door. On which, the +best of Tom's supporters said he must have done some dreadful deed, or +such a man as Mr Pecksniff never could have felt like that. If it had +been a common quarrel (they observed), he would have said something, but +when he didn't, Mr Pinch must have shocked him dreadfully. + +Tom was out of hearing of their shrewd opinions, and plodded on as +steadily as he could go, until he came within sight of the turnpike +where the tollman's family had cried out 'Mr Pinch!' that frosty +morning, when he went to meet young Martin. He had got through the +village, and this toll-bar was his last trial; but when the infant +toll-takers came screeching out, he had half a mind to run for it, and +make a bolt across the country. + +'Why, deary Mr Pinch! oh, deary sir!' cried the tollman's wife. 'What an +unlikely time for you to be a-going this way with a bag!' + +'I am going to Salisbury,' said Tom. + +'Why, goodness, where's the gig, then?' cried the tollman's wife, +looking down the road, as if she thought Tom might have been upset +without observing it. + +'I haven't got it,' said Tom. 'I--' he couldn't evade it; he felt she +would have him in the next question, if he got over this one. 'I have +left Mr Pecksniff.' + +The tollman--a crusty customer, always smoking solitary pipes in a +Windsor chair, inside, set artfully between two little windows that +looked up and down the road, so that when he saw anything coming up he +might hug himself on having toll to take, and when he saw it going down, +might hug himself on having taken it--the tollman was out in an instant. + +'Left Mr Pecksniff!' cried the tollman. + +'Yes,' said Tom, 'left him.' + +The tollman looked at his wife, uncertain whether to ask her if she had +anything to suggest, or to order her to mind the children. Astonishment +making him surly, he preferred the latter, and sent her into the +toll-house with a flea in her ear. + +'You left Mr Pecksniff!' cried the tollman, folding his arms, and +spreading his legs. 'I should as soon have thought of his head leaving +him.' + +'Aye!' said Tom, 'so should I, yesterday. Good night!' + +If a heavy drove of oxen hadn't come by immediately, the tollman would +have gone down to the village straight, to inquire into it. As +things turned out, he smoked another pipe, and took his wife into his +confidence. But their united sagacity could make nothing of it, and they +went to bed--metaphorically--in the dark. But several times that night, +when a waggon or other vehicle came through, and the driver asked +the tollkeeper 'What news?' he looked at the man by the light of his +lantern, to assure himself that he had an interest in the subject, and +then said, wrapping his watch-coat round his legs: + +'You've heerd of Mr Pecksniff down yonder?' + +'Ah! sure-ly!' + +'And of his young man Mr Pinch, p'raps?' + +'Ah!' + +'They've parted.' + +After every one of these disclosures, the tollman plunged into his +house again, and was seen no more, while the other side went on in great +amazement. + +But this was long after Tom was abed, and Tom was now with his face +towards Salisbury, doing his best to get there. The evening was +beautiful at first, but it became cloudy and dull at sunset, and the +rain fell heavily soon afterwards. For ten long miles he plodded on, wet +through, until at last the lights appeared, and he came into the welcome +precincts of the city. + +He went to the inn where he had waited for Martin, and briefly answering +their inquiries after Mr Pecksniff, ordered a bed. He had no heart for +tea or supper, meat or drink of any kind, but sat by himself before +an empty table in the public room while the bed was getting ready, +revolving in his mind all that had happened that eventful day, and +wondering what he could or should do for the future. It was a great +relief when the chambermaid came in, and said the bed was ready. + +It was a low four-poster, shelving downward in the centre like a trough, +and the room was crowded with impracticable tables and exploded chests +of drawers, full of damp linen. A graphic representation in oil of a +remarkably fat ox hung over the fireplace, and the portrait of some +former landlord (who might have been the ox's brother, he was so like +him) stared roundly in, at the foot of the bed. A variety of queer +smells were partially quenched in the prevailing scent of very old +lavender; and the window had not been opened for such a long space of +time that it pleaded immemorial usage, and wouldn't come open now. + +These were trifles in themselves, but they added to the strangeness of +the place, and did not induce Tom to forget his new position. Pecksniff +had gone out of the world--had never been in it--and it was as much +as Tom could do to say his prayers without him. But he felt happier +afterwards, and went to sleep, and dreamed about him as he Never Was. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO + +TREATS OF TODGER'S AGAIN; AND OF ANOTHER BLIGHTED PLANT BESIDES THE +PLANTS UPON THE LEADS + + +Early on the day next after that on which she bade adieu to the halls +of her youth and the scenes of her childhood, Miss Pecksniff, arriving +safely at the coach-office in London, was there received, and conducted +to her peaceful home beneath the shadow of the Monument, by Mrs Todgers. +M. Todgers looked a little worn by cares of gravy and other such +solicitudes arising out of her establishment, but displayed her usual +earnestness and warmth of manner. + +'And how, my sweet Miss Pecksniff,' said she, 'how is your princely pa?' + +Miss Pecksniff signified (in confidence) that he contemplated the +introduction of a princely ma; and repeated the sentiment that she +wasn't blind, and wasn't quite a fool, and wouldn't bear it. + +Mrs Todgers was more shocked by the intelligence than any one could have +expected. She was quite bitter. She said there was no truth in man and +that the warmer he expressed himself, as a general principle, the falser +and more treacherous he was. She foresaw with astonishing clearness that +the object of Mr Pecksniff's attachment was designing, worthless, and +wicked; and receiving from Charity the fullest confirmation of these +views, protested with tears in her eyes that she loved Miss Pecksniff +like a sister, and felt her injuries as if they were her own. + +'Your real darling sister, I have not seen her more than once since her +marriage,' said Mrs Todgers, 'and then I thought her looking poorly. My +sweet Miss Pecksniff, I always thought that you was to be the lady?' + +'Oh dear no!' cried Cherry, shaking her head. 'Oh no, Mrs Todgers. Thank +you. No! not for any consideration he could offer.' + +'I dare say you are right,' said Mrs Todgers with a sigh. 'I feared +it all along. But the misery we have had from that match, here among +ourselves, in this house, my dear Miss Pecksniff, nobody would believe.' + +'Lor, Mrs Todgers!' + +'Awful, awful!' repeated Mrs Todgers, with strong emphasis. 'You +recollect our youngest gentleman, my dear?' + +'Of course I do,' said Cherry. + +'You might have observed,' said Mrs Todgers, 'how he used to watch your +sister; and that a kind of stony dumbness came over him whenever she was +in company?' + +'I am sure I never saw anything of the sort,' said Cherry, in a peevish +manner. 'What nonsense, Mrs Todgers!' + +'My dear,' returned that lady in a hollow voice, 'I have seen him again +and again, sitting over his pie at dinner, with his spoon a perfect +fixture in his mouth, looking at your sister. I have seen him standing +in a corner of our drawing-room, gazing at her, in such a lonely, +melancholy state, that he was more like a Pump than a man, and might +have drawed tears.' + +'I never saw it!' cried Cherry; 'that's all I can say.' + +'But when the marriage took place,' said Mrs Todgers, proceeding +with her subject, 'when it was in the paper, and was read out here at +breakfast, I thought he had taken leave of his senses, I did indeed. +The violence of that young man, my dear Miss Pecksniff; the frightful +opinions he expressed upon the subject of self-destruction; the +extraordinary actions he performed with his tea; the clenching way in +which he bit his bread and butter; the manner in which he taunted Mr +Jinkins; all combined to form a picture never to be forgotten.' + +'It's a pity he didn't destroy himself, I think,' observed Miss +Pecksniff. + +'Himself!' said Mrs Todgers, 'it took another turn at night. He was for +destroying other people then. There was a little chaffing going on--I +hope you don't consider that a low expression, Miss Pecksniff; it is +always in our gentlemen's mouths--a little chaffing going on, my dear, +among 'em, all in good nature, when suddenly he rose up, foaming with +his fury, and but for being held by three would have had Mr Jinkins's +life with a bootjack.' + +Miss Pecksniff's face expressed supreme indifference. + +'And now,' said Mrs Todgers, 'now he is the meekest of men. You can +almost bring the tears into his eyes by looking at him. He sits with me +the whole day long on Sundays, talking in such a dismal way that I find +it next to impossible to keep my spirits up equal to the accommodation +of the boarders. His only comfort is in female society. He takes me +half-price to the play, to an extent which I sometimes fear is beyond +his means; and I see the tears a-standing in his eyes during the whole +performance--particularly if it is anything of a comic nature. The turn +I experienced only yesterday,' said Mrs Todgers putting her hand to her +side, 'when the house-maid threw his bedside carpet out of the window of +his room, while I was sitting here, no one can imagine. I thought it was +him, and that he had done it at last!' + +The contempt with which Miss Charity received this pathetic account of +the state to which the youngest gentleman in company was reduced, +did not say much for her power of sympathising with that unfortunate +character. She treated it with great levity, and went on to inform +herself, then and afterwards, whether any other changes had occurred in +the commercial boarding-house. + +Mr Bailey was gone, and had been succeeded (such is the decay of human +greatness!) by an old woman whose name was reported to be Tamaroo--which +seemed an impossibility. Indeed it appeared in the fullness of time that +the jocular boarders had appropriated the word from an English ballad, +in which it is supposed to express the bold and fiery nature of a +certain hackney coachman; and that it was bestowed upon Mr Bailey's +successor by reason of her having nothing fiery about her, except an +occasional attack of that fire which is called St. Anthony's. This +ancient female had been engaged, in fulfillment of a vow, registered by +Mrs Todgers, that no more boys should darken the commercial doors; and +she was chiefly remarkable for a total absence of all comprehension upon +every subject whatever. She was a perfect Tomb for messages and small +parcels; and when dispatched to the Post Office with letters, had been +frequently seen endeavouring to insinuate them into casual chinks in +private doors, under the delusion that any door with a hole in it would +answer the purpose. She was a very little old woman, and always wore +a very coarse apron with a bib before and a loop behind, together +with bandages on her wrists, which appeared to be afflicted with an +everlasting sprain. She was on all occasions chary of opening the street +door, and ardent to shut it again; and she waited at table in a bonnet. + +This was the only great change over and above the change which had +fallen on the youngest gentleman. As for him, he more than corroborated +the account of Mrs Todgers; possessing greater sensibility than even +she had given him credit for. He entertained some terrible notions of +Destiny, among other matters, and talked much about people's 'Missions'; +upon which he seemed to have some private information not generally +attainable, as he knew it had been poor Merry's mission to crush him +in the bud. He was very frail and tearful; for being aware that a +shepherd's mission was to pipe to his flocks, and that a boatswain's +mission was to pipe all hands, and that one man's mission was to be a +paid piper, and another man's mission was to pay the piper, so he had +got it into his head that his own peculiar mission was to pipe his eye. +Which he did perpetually. + +He often informed Mrs Todgers that the sun had set upon him; that the +billows had rolled over him; that the car of Juggernaut had crushed him, +and also that the deadly Upas tree of Java had blighted him. His name +was Moddle. + +Towards this most unhappy Moddle, Miss Pecksniff conducted herself at +first with distant haughtiness, being in no humour to be entertained +with dirges in honour of her married sister. The poor young gentleman +was additionally crushed by this, and remonstrated with Mrs Todgers on +the subject. + +'Even she turns from me, Mrs Todgers,' said Moddle. + +'Then why don't you try and be a little bit more cheerful, sir?' +retorted Mrs Todgers. + +'Cheerful, Mrs Todgers! cheerful!' cried the youngest gentleman; 'when +she reminds me of days for ever fled, Mrs Todgers!' + +'Then you had better avoid her for a short time, if she does,' said Mrs +Todgers, 'and come to know her again, by degrees. That's my advice.' + +'But I can't avoid her,' replied Moddle, 'I haven't strength of mind to +do it. Oh, Mrs Todgers, if you knew what a comfort her nose is to me!' + +'Her nose, sir!' Mrs Todgers cried. + +'Her profile, in general,' said the youngest gentleman, 'but +particularly her nose. It's so like;' here he yielded to a burst of +grief. 'It's so like hers who is Another's, Mrs Todgers!' + +The observant matron did not fail to report this conversation to +Charity, who laughed at the time, but treated Mr Moddle that very +evening with increased consideration, and presented her side face to him +as much as possible. Mr Moddle was not less sentimental than usual; +was rather more so, if anything; but he sat and stared at her with +glistening eyes, and seemed grateful. + +'Well, sir!' said the lady of the Boarding-House next day. 'You held up +your head last night. You're coming round, I think.' + +'Only because she's so like her who is Another's, Mrs Todgers,' rejoined +the youth. 'When she talks, and when she smiles, I think I'm looking on +HER brow again, Mrs Todgers.' + +This was likewise carried to Charity, who talked and smiled next evening +in her most engaging manner, and rallying Mr Moddle on the lowness of +his spirits, challenged him to play a rubber at cribbage. Mr Moddle +taking up the gauntlet, they played several rubbers for sixpences, and +Charity won them all. This may have been partially attributable to the +gallantry of the youngest gentleman, but it was certainly referable to +the state of his feelings also; for his eyes being frequently dimmed by +tears, he thought that aces were tens, and knaves queens, which at times +occasioned some confusion in his play. + +On the seventh night of cribbage, when Mrs Todgers, sitting by, proposed +that instead of gambling they should play for 'love,' Mr Moddle was seen +to change colour. On the fourteenth night, he kissed Miss Pecksniff's +snuffers, in the passage, when she went upstairs to bed; meaning to have +kissed her hand, but missing it. + +In short, Mr Moddle began to be impressed with the idea that Miss +Pecksniff's mission was to comfort him; and Miss Pecksniff began +to speculate on the probability of its being her mission to become +ultimately Mrs Moddle. He was a young gentleman (Miss Pecksniff was not +a very young lady) with rising prospects, and 'almost' enough to live +on. Really it looked very well. + +Besides--besides--he had been regarded as devoted to Merry. Merry had +joked about him, and had once spoken of it to her sister as a conquest. +He was better looking, better shaped, better spoken, better tempered, +better mannered than Jonas. He was easy to manage, could be made to +consult the humours of his Betrothed, and could be shown off like a lamb +when Jonas was a bear. There was the rub! + +In the meantime the cribbage went on, and Mrs Todgers went off; for the +youngest gentleman, dropping her society, began to take Miss Pecksniff +to the play. He also began, as Mrs Todgers said, to slip home 'in his +dinner-times,' and to get away from 'the office' at unholy seasons; +and twice, as he informed Mrs Todgers himself, he received anonymous +letters, enclosing cards from Furniture Warehouses--clearly the act of +that ungentlemanly ruffian Jinkins; only he hadn't evidence enough to +call him out upon. All of which, so Mrs Todgers told Miss Pecksniff, +spoke as plain English as the shining sun. + +'My dear Miss Pecksniff, you may depend upon it,' said Mrs Todgers, +'that he is burning to propose.' + +'My goodness me, why don't he then?' cried Cherry. + +'Men are so much more timid than we think 'em, my dear,' returned +Mrs Todgers. 'They baulk themselves continually. I saw the words on +Todgers's lips for months and months and months, before he said 'em.' + +Miss Pecksniff submitted that Todgers might not have been a fair +specimen. + +'Oh yes, he was. Oh bless you, yes, my dear. I was very particular in +those days, I assure you,' said Mrs Todgers, bridling. 'No, no. You give +Mr Moddle a little encouragement, Miss Pecksniff, if you wish him to +speak; and he'll speak fast enough, depend upon it.' + +'I am sure I don't know what encouragement he would have, Mrs Todgers,' +returned Charity. 'He walks with me, and plays cards with me, and he +comes and sits alone with me.' + +'Quite right,' said Mrs Todgers. 'That's indispensable, my dear.' + +'And he sits very close to me.' + +'Also quite correct,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'And he looks at me.' + +'To be sure he does,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'And he has his arm upon the back of the chair or sofa, or whatever it +is--behind me, you know.' + +'I should think so,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'And then he begins to cry!' + +Mrs Todgers admitted that he might do better than that; and might +undoubtedly profit by the recollection of the great Lord Nelson's signal +at the battle of Trafalgar. Still, she said, he would come round, or, +not to mince the matter, would be brought round, if Miss Pecksniff took +up a decided position, and plainly showed him that it must be done. + +Determining to regulate her conduct by this opinion, the young lady +received Mr Moddle, on the earliest subsequent occasion, with an air of +constraint; and gradually leading him to inquire, in a dejected manner, +why she was so changed, confessed to him that she felt it necessary for +their mutual peace and happiness to take a decided step. They had been +much together lately, she observed, much together, and had tasted the +sweets of a genuine reciprocity of sentiment. She never could forget +him, nor could she ever cease to think of him with feelings of the +liveliest friendship, but people had begun to talk, the thing had been +observed, and it was necessary that they should be nothing more to each +other, than any gentleman and lady in society usually are. She was glad +she had had the resolution to say thus much before her feelings had been +tried too far; they had been greatly tried, she would admit; but though +she was weak and silly, she would soon get the better of it, she hoped. + +Moddle, who had by this time become in the last degree maudlin, and wept +abundantly, inferred from the foregoing avowal, that it was his mission +to communicate to others the blight which had fallen on himself; and +that, being a kind of unintentional Vampire, he had had Miss Pecksniff +assigned to him by the Fates, as Victim Number One. Miss Pecksniff +controverting this opinion as sinful, Moddle was goaded on to ask +whether she could be contented with a blighted heart; and it appearing +on further examination that she could be, plighted his dismal troth, +which was accepted and returned. + +He bore his good fortune with the utmost moderation. Instead of being +triumphant, he shed more tears than he had ever been known to shed +before; and, sobbing, said: + +'Oh! what a day this has been! I can't go back to the office this +afternoon. Oh, what a trying day this has been! Good Gracious!' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE + +FURTHER PROCEEDINGS IN EDEN, AND A PROCEEDING OUT OF IT. MARTIN MAKES A +DISCOVERY OF SOME IMPORTANCE + + +From Mr Moddle to Eden is an easy and natural transition. Mr Moddle, +living in the atmosphere of Miss Pecksniff's love, dwelt (if he had but +known it) in a terrestrial Paradise. The thriving city of Eden was +also a terrestrial Paradise, upon the showing of its proprietors. The +beautiful Miss Pecksniff might have been poetically described as a +something too good for man in his fallen and degraded state. That +was exactly the character of the thriving city of Eden, as poetically +heightened by Zephaniah Scadder, General Choke, and other worthies; part +and parcel of the talons of that great American Eagle, which is always +airing itself sky-high in purest aether, and never, no never, never, +tumbles down with draggled wings into the mud. + +When Mark Tapley, leaving Martin in the architectural and surveying +offices, had effectually strengthened and encouraged his own spirits +by the contemplation of their joint misfortunes, he proceeded, with +new cheerfulness, in search of help; congratulating himself, as he went +along, on the enviable position to which he had at last attained. + +'I used to think, sometimes,' said Mr Tapley, 'as a desolate island +would suit me, but I should only have had myself to provide for there, +and being naturally a easy man to manage, there wouldn't have been much +credit in THAT. Now here I've got my partner to take care on, and he's +something like the sort of man for the purpose. I want a man as is +always a-sliding off his legs when he ought to be on 'em. I want a +man as is so low down in the school of life that he's always a-making +figures of one in his copy-book, and can't get no further. I want a man +as is his own great coat and cloak, and is always a-wrapping himself up +in himself. And I have got him too,' said Mr Tapley, after a moment's +silence. 'What a happiness!' + +He paused to look round, uncertain to which of the log-houses he should +repair. + +'I don't know which to take,' he observed; 'that's the truth. They're +equally prepossessing outside, and equally commodious, no doubt, within; +being fitted up with every convenience that a Alligator, in a state of +natur', could possibly require. Let me see! The citizen as turned out +last night, lives under water, in the right hand dog-kennel at the +corner. I don't want to trouble him if I can help it, poor man, for +he is a melancholy object; a reg'lar Settler in every respect. There's +house with a winder, but I am afraid of their being proud. I don't know +whether a door ain't too aristocratic; but here goes for the first one!' + +He went up to the nearest cabin, and knocked with his hand. Being +desired to enter, he complied. + +'Neighbour,' said Mark; 'for I AM a neighbour, though you don't know me; +I've come a-begging. Hallo! hal--lo! Am I a-bed, and dreaming!' + +He made this exclamation on hearing his own name pronounced, and finding +himself clasped about the skirts by two little boys, whose faces he had +often washed, and whose suppers he had often cooked, on board of that +noble and fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw. + +'My eyes is wrong!' said Mark. 'I don't believe 'em. That ain't my +fellow-passenger younder, a-nursing her little girl, who, I am sorry to +see, is so delicate; and that ain't her husband as come to New York to +fetch her. Nor these,' he added, looking down upon the boys, 'ain't them +two young shavers as was so familiar to me; though they are uncommon +like 'em. That I must confess.' + +The woman shed tears, in very joy to see him; the man shook both his +hands and would not let them go; the two boys hugged his legs; the sick +child in the mother's arms stretched out her burning little fingers, and +muttered, in her hoarse, dry throat, his well-remembered name. + +It was the same family, sure enough. Altered by the salubrious air of +Eden. But the same. + +'This is a new sort of a morning call,' said Mark, drawing a long +breath. 'It strikes one all of a heap. Wait a little bit! I'm a-coming +round fast. That'll do! These gentlemen ain't my friends. Are they on +the visiting list of the house?' + +The inquiry referred to certain gaunt pigs, who had walked in after him, +and were much interested in the heels of the family. As they did not +belong to the mansion, they were expelled by the two little boys. + +'I ain't superstitious about toads,' said Mark, looking round the room, +'but if you could prevail upon the two or three I see in company, to +step out at the same time, my young friends, I think they'd find the +open air refreshing. Not that I at all object to 'em. A very handsome +animal is a toad,' said Mr Tapley, sitting down upon a stool; 'very +spotted; very like a partickler style of old gentleman about the throat; +very bright-eyed, very cool, and very slippy. But one sees 'em to the +best advantage out of doors perhaps.' + +While pretending, with such talk as this, to be perfectly at his ease, +and to be the most indifferent and careless of men, Mark Tapley had +an eye on all around him. The wan and meagre aspect of the family, the +changed looks of the poor mother, the fevered child she held in her lap, +the air of great despondency and little hope on everything, were plain +to him, and made a deep impression on his mind. He saw it all as +clearly and as quickly, as with his bodily eyes he saw the rough shelves +supported by pegs driven between the logs, of which the house was made; +the flour-cask in the corner, serving also for a table; the blankets, +spades, and other articles against the walls; the damp that blotched the +ground; or the crop of vegetable rottenness in every crevice of the hut. + +'How is it that you have come here?' asked the man, when their first +expressions of surprise were over. + +'Why, we come by the steamer last night,' replied Mark. 'Our intention +is to make our fortuns with punctuality and dispatch; and to retire upon +our property as soon as ever it's realised. But how are you all? You're +looking noble!' + +'We are but sickly now,' said the poor woman, bending over her child. +'But we shall do better when we are seasoned to the place.' + +'There are some here,' thought Mark 'whose seasoning will last for +ever.' + +But he said cheerfully, 'Do better! To be sure you will. We shall all +do better. What we've got to do is, to keep up our spirits, and be +neighbourly. We shall come all right in the end, never fear. That +reminds me, by the bye, that my partner's all wrong just at present; +and that I looked in to beg for him. I wish you'd come and give me your +opinion of him, master.' + +That must have been a very unreasonable request on the part of Mark +Tapley, with which, in their gratitude for his kind offices on board the +ship, they would not have complied instantly. The man rose to accompany +him without a moment's delay. Before they went, Mark took the sick child +in his arms, and tried to comfort the mother; but the hand of death was +on it then, he saw. + +They found Martin in the house, lying wrapped up in his blanket on +the ground. He was, to all appearance, very ill indeed, and shook and +shivered horribly; not as people do from cold, but in a frightful +kind of spasm or convulsion, that racked his whole body. Mark's friend +pronounced his disease an aggravated kind of fever, accompanied with +ague; which was very common in those parts, and which he predicted would +be worse to-morrow, and for many more to-morrows. He had had it himself +off and on, he said, for a couple of years or so; but he was thankful +that, while so many he had known had died about him, he had escaped with +life. + +'And with not too much of that,' thought Mark, surveying his emaciated +form. 'Eden for ever!' + +They had some medicine in their chest; and this man of sad experience +showed Mark how and when to administer it, and how he could best +alleviate the sufferings of Martin. His attentions did not stop there; +for he was backwards and forwards constantly, and rendered Mark +good service in all his brisk attempts to make their situation more +endurable. Hope or comfort for the future he could not bestow. The +season was a sickly one; the settlement a grave. His child died that +night; and Mark, keeping the secret from Martin, helped to bury it, +beneath a tree, next day. + +With all his various duties of attendance upon Martin (who became the +more exacting in his claims, the worse he grew), Mark worked out of +doors, early and late; and with the assistance of his friend and others, +laboured to do something with their land. Not that he had the least +strength of heart or hope, or steady purpose in so doing, beyond the +habitual cheerfulness of his disposition, and his amazing power of +self-sustainment; for within himself, he looked on their condition +as beyond all hope, and, in his own words, 'came out strong' in +consequence. + +'As to coming out as strong as I could wish, sir,' he confided to Martin +in a leisure moment; that is to say, one evening, while he was washing +the linen of the establishment, after a hard day's work, 'that I give +up. It's a piece of good fortune as never is to happen to me, I see!' + +'Would you wish for circumstances stronger than these?' Martin retorted +with a groan, from underneath his blanket. + +'Why, only see how easy they might have been stronger, sir,' said Mark, +'if it wasn't for the envy of that uncommon fortun of mine, which is +always after me, and tripping me up. The night we landed here, I thought +things did look pretty jolly. I won't deny it. I thought they did look +pretty jolly.' + +'How do they look now?' groaned Martin. + +'Ah!' said Mark, 'Ah, to be sure. That's the question. How do they look +now? On the very first morning of my going out, what do I do? Stumble +on a family I know, who are constantly assisting of us in all sorts of +ways, from that time to this! That won't do, you know; that ain't what +I'd a right to expect. If I had stumbled on a serpent and got bit; or +stumbled on a first-rate patriot, and got bowie-knifed, or stumbled on a +lot of Sympathisers with inverted shirt-collars, and got made a lion of; +I might have distinguished myself, and earned some credit. As it is, +the great object of my voyage is knocked on the head. So it would be, +wherever I went. How do you feel to-night, sir?' + +'Worse than ever,' said poor Martin. + +'That's something,' returned Mark, 'but not enough. Nothing but being +very bad myself, and jolly to the last, will ever do me justice.' + +'In Heaven's name, don't talk of that,' said Martin with a thrill of +terror. 'What should I do, Mark, if you were taken ill!' + +Mr Tapley's spirits appeared to be stimulated by this remark, although +it was not a very flattering one. He proceeded with his washing in a +brighter mood; and observed 'that his glass was arising.' + +'There's one good thing in this place, sir,' said Mr Tapley, scrubbing +away at the linen, 'as disposes me to be jolly; and that is that it's +a reg'lar little United States in itself. There's two or three American +settlers left; and they coolly comes over one, even here, sir, as if it +was the wholesomest and loveliest spot in the world. But they're like +the cock that went and hid himself to save his life, and was found out +by the noise he made. They can't help crowing. They was born to do it, +and do it they must, whatever comes of it.' + +Glancing from his work out at the door as he said these words, Mark's +eyes encountered a lean person in a blue frock and a straw hat, with +a short black pipe in his mouth, and a great hickory stick studded all +over with knots, in his hand; who smoking and chewing as he came along, +and spitting frequently, recorded his progress by a train of decomposed +tobacco on the ground. + +'Here's one on 'em,' cried Mark, 'Hannibal Chollop.' + +'Don't let him in,' said Martin, feebly. + +'He won't want any letting in,' replied Mark. 'He'll come in, sir.' +Which turned out to be quite true, for he did. His face was almost as +hard and knobby as his stick; and so were his hands. His head was like +an old black hearth-broom. He sat down on the chest with his hat on; +and crossing his legs and looking up at Mark, said, without removing his +pipe: + +'Well, Mr Co.! and how do you git along, sir?' + +It may be necessary to observe that Mr Tapley had gravely introduced +himself to all strangers, by that name. + +'Pretty well, sir; pretty well,' said Mark. + +'If this ain't Mr Chuzzlewit, ain't it!' exclaimed the visitor 'How do +YOU git along, sir?' + +Martin shook his head, and drew the blanket over it involuntarily; for +he felt that Hannibal was going to spit; and his eye, as the song says, +was upon him. + +'You need not regard me, sir,' observed Mr Chollop, complacently. 'I am +fever-proof, and likewise agur.' + +'Mine was a more selfish motive,' said Martin, looking out again. 'I was +afraid you were going to--' + +'I can calc'late my distance, sir,' returned Mr Chollop, 'to an inch.' + +With a proof of which happy faculty he immediately favoured him. + +'I re-quire, sir,' said Hannibal, 'two foot clear in a circ'lar +di-rection, and can engage my-self toe keep within it. I HAVE gone ten +foot, in a circ'lar di-rection, but that was for a wager.' + +'I hope you won it, sir,' said Mark. + +'Well, sir, I realised the stakes,' said Chollop. 'Yes, sir.' + +He was silent for a time, during which he was actively engaged in the +formation of a magic circle round the chest on which he sat. When it was +completed, he began to talk again. + +'How do you like our country, sir?' he inquired, looking at Martin. + +'Not at all,' was the invalid's reply. + +Chollop continued to smoke without the least appearance of emotion, +until he felt disposed to speak again. That time at length arriving, he +took his pipe from his mouth, and said: + +'I am not surprised to hear you say so. It re-quires An elevation, and +A preparation of the intellect. The mind of man must be prepared for +Freedom, Mr Co.' + +He addressed himself to Mark; because he saw that Martin, who wished +him to go, being already half-mad with feverish irritation, which the +droning voice of this new horror rendered almost insupportable, had +closed his eyes, and turned on his uneasy bed. + +'A little bodily preparation wouldn't be amiss, either, would it, sir,' +said Mark, 'in the case of a blessed old swamp like this?' + +'Do you con-sider this a swamp, sir?' inquired Chollop gravely. + +'Why yes, sir,' returned Mark. 'I haven't a doubt about it myself.' + +'The sentiment is quite Europian,' said the major, 'and does not +surprise me; what would your English millions say to such a swamp in +England, sir?' + +'They'd say it was an uncommon nasty one, I should think, said Mark; +'and that they would rather be inoculated for fever in some other way.' + +'Europian!' remarked Chollop, with sardonic pity. 'Quite Europian!' + +And there he sat. Silent and cool, as if the house were his; smoking +away like a factory chimney. + +Mr Chollop was, of course, one of the most remarkable men in the +country; but he really was a notorious person besides. He was usually +described by his friends, in the South and West, as 'a splendid sample +of our na-tive raw material, sir,' and was much esteemed for his +devotion to rational Liberty; for the better propagation whereof he +usually carried a brace of revolving pistols in his coat pocket, with +seven barrels a-piece. He also carried, amongst other trinkets, a +sword-stick, which he called his 'Tickler.' and a great knife, which +(for he was a man of a pleasant turn of humour) he called 'Ripper,' in +allusion to its usefulness as a means of ventilating the stomach of +any adversary in a close contest. He had used these weapons with +distinguished effect in several instances, all duly chronicled in the +newspapers; and was greatly beloved for the gallant manner in which +he had 'jobbed out' the eye of one gentleman, as he was in the act of +knocking at his own street-door. + +Mr Chollop was a man of a roving disposition; and, in any less advanced +community, might have been mistaken for a violent vagabond. But his fine +qualities being perfectly understood and appreciated in those regions +where his lot was cast, and where he had many kindred spirits to consort +with, he may be regarded as having been born under a fortunate star, +which is not always the case with a man so much before the age in which +he lives. Preferring, with a view to the gratification of his tickling +and ripping fancies, to dwell upon the outskirts of society, and in the +more remote towns and cities, he was in the habit of emigrating from +place to place, and establishing in each some business--usually a +newspaper--which he presently sold; for the most part closing the +bargain by challenging, stabbing, pistolling, or gouging the new editor, +before he had quite taken possession of the property. + +He had come to Eden on a speculation of this kind, but had abandoned it, +and was about to leave. He always introduced himself to strangers as +a worshipper of Freedom; was the consistent advocate of Lynch law, +and slavery; and invariably recommended, both in print and speech, +the 'tarring and feathering' of any unpopular person who differed from +himself. He called this 'planting the standard of civilization in the +wilder gardens of My country.' + +There is little doubt that Chollop would have planted this standard in +Eden at Mark's expense, in return for his plainness of speech (for the +genuine Freedom is dumb, save when she vaunts herself), but for the +utter desolation and decay prevailing in the settlement, and his own +approaching departure from it. As it was, he contented himself with +showing Mark one of the revolving-pistols, and asking him what he +thought of that weapon. + +'It ain't long since I shot a man down with that, sir, in the State of +IllinOY,' observed Chollop. + +'Did you, indeed!' said Mark, without the smallest agitation. 'Very free +of you. And very independent!' + +'I shot him down, sir,' pursued Chollop, 'for asserting in the Spartan +Portico, a tri-weekly journal, that the ancient Athenians went a-head of +the present Locofoco Ticket.' + +'And what's that?' asked Mark. + +'Europian not to know,' said Chollop, smoking placidly. 'Europian +quite!' + +After a short devotion to the interests of the magic circle, he resumed +the conversation by observing: + +'You won't half feel yourself at home in Eden, now?' + +'No,' said Mark, 'I don't.' + +'You miss the imposts of your country. You miss the house dues?' +observed Chollop. + +'And the houses--rather,' said Mark. + +'No window dues here, sir,' observed Chollop. + +'And no windows to put 'em on,' said Mark. + +'No stakes, no dungeons, no blocks, no racks, no scaffolds, no +thumbscrews, no pikes, no pillories,' said Chollop. + +'Nothing but rewolwers and bowie-knives,' returned Mark. 'And what are +they? Not worth mentioning!' + +The man who had met them on the night of their arrival came crawling up +at this juncture, and looked in at the door. + +'Well, sir,' said Chollop. 'How do YOU git along?' + +He had considerable difficulty in getting along at all, and said as much +in reply. + +'Mr Co. And me, sir,' observed Chollop, 'are disputating a piece. He +ought to be slicked up pretty smart to disputate between the Old World +and the New, I do expect?' + +'Well!' returned the miserable shadow. 'So he had.' + +'I was merely observing, sir,' said Mark, addressing this new visitor, +'that I looked upon the city in which we have the honour to live, as +being swampy. What's your sentiments?' + +'I opinionate it's moist perhaps, at certain times,' returned the man. + +'But not as moist as England, sir?' cried Chollop, with a fierce +expression in his face. + +'Oh! Not as moist as England; let alone its Institutions,' said the man. + +'I should hope there ain't a swamp in all Americay, as don't whip THAT +small island into mush and molasses,' observed Chollop, decisively. 'You +bought slick, straight, and right away, of Scadder, sir?' to Mark. + +He answered in the affirmative. Mr Chollop winked at the other citizen. + +'Scadder is a smart man, sir? He is a rising man? He is a man as will +come up'ards, right side up, sir?' Mr Chollop winked again at the other +citizen. + +'He should have his right side very high up, if I had my way,' said +Mark. 'As high up as the top of a good tall gallows, perhaps.' + +Mr Chollop was so delighted at the smartness of his excellent countryman +having been too much for the Britisher, and at the Britisher's resenting +it, that he could contain himself no longer, and broke forth in a shout +of delight. But the strangest exposition of this ruling passion was +in the other--the pestilence-stricken, broken, miserable shadow of a +man--who derived so much entertainment from the circumstance that he +seemed to forget his own ruin in thinking of it, and laughed outright +when he said 'that Scadder was a smart man, and had draw'd a lot of +British capital that way, as sure as sun-up.' + +After a full enjoyment of this joke, Mr Hannibal Chollop sat smoking and +improving the circle, without making any attempts either to converse or +to take leave; apparently labouring under the not uncommon delusion +that for a free and enlightened citizen of the United States to convert +another man's house into a spittoon for two or three hours together, was +a delicate attention, full of interest and politeness, of which nobody +could ever tire. At last he rose. + +'I am a-going easy,' he observed. + +Mark entreated him to take particular care of himself. + +'Afore I go,' he said sternly, 'I have got a leetle word to say to you. +You are darnation 'cute, you are.' + +Mark thanked him for the compliment. + +'But you are much too 'cute to last. I can't con-ceive of any spotted +Painter in the bush, as ever was so riddled through and through as you +will be, I bet.' + +'What for?' asked Mark. + +'We must be cracked up, sir,' retorted Chollop, in a tone of menace. +'You are not now in A despotic land. We are a model to the airth, and +must be jist cracked-up, I tell you.' + +'What! I speak too free, do I?' cried Mark. + +'I have draw'd upon A man, and fired upon A man for less,' said Chollop, +frowning. 'I have know'd strong men obleeged to make themselves uncommon +skase for less. I have know'd men Lynched for less, and beaten into +punkin'-sarse for less, by an enlightened people. We are the intellect +and virtue of the airth, the cream of human natur', and the flower +Of moral force. Our backs is easy ris. We must be cracked-up, or they +rises, and we snarls. We shows our teeth, I tell you, fierce. You'd +better crack us up, you had!' + +After the delivery of this caution, Mr Chollop departed; with Ripper, +Tickler, and the revolvers, all ready for action on the shortest notice. + +'Come out from under the blanket, sir,' said Mark, 'he's gone. What's +this!' he added softly; kneeling down to look into his partner's +face, and taking his hot hand. 'What's come of all that chattering and +swaggering? He's wandering in his mind to-night, and don't know me!' + +Martin indeed was dangerously ill; very near his death. He lay in that +state many days, during which time Mark's poor friends, regardless of +themselves, attended him. Mark, fatigued in mind and body; working +all the day and sitting up at night; worn with hard living and the +unaccustomed toil of his new life; surrounded by dismal and discouraging +circumstances of every kind; never complained or yielded in the least +degree. If ever he had thought Martin selfish or inconsiderate, or had +deemed him energetic only by fits and starts, and then too passive for +their desperate fortunes, he now forgot it all. He remembered nothing +but the better qualities of his fellow-wanderer, and was devoted to him, +heart and hand. + +Many weeks elapsed before Martin was strong enough to move about with +the help of a stick and Mark's arm; and even then his recovery, for want +of wholesome air and proper nourishment, was very slow. He was yet in a +feeble and weak condition, when the misfourtune he had so much dreaded +fell upon them. Mark was taken ill. + +Mark fought against it; but the malady fought harder, and his efforts +were in vain. + +'Floored for the present, sir,' he said one morning, sinking back upon +his bed; 'but jolly!' + +Floored indeed, and by a heavy blow! As any one but Martin might have +known beforehand. + +If Mark's friends had been kind to Martin (and they had been very), they +were twenty times kinder to Mark. And now it was Martin's turn to work, +and sit beside the bed and watch, and listen through the long, long +nights, to every sound in the gloomy wilderness; and hear poor Mr +Tapley, in his wandering fancy, playing at skittles in the Dragon, +making love-remonstrances to Mrs Lupin, getting his sea-legs on board +the Screw, travelling with old Tom Pinch on English roads, and burning +stumps of trees in Eden, all at once. + +But whenever Martin gave him drink or medicine, or tended him in any +way, or came into the house returning from some drudgery without, the +patient Mr Tapley brightened up and cried: 'I'm jolly, sir; 'I'm jolly!' + +Now, when Martin began to think of this, and to look at Mark as he lay +there; never reproaching him by so much as an expression of regret; +never murmuring; always striving to be manful and staunch; he began to +think, how was it that this man who had had so few advantages, was so +much better than he who had had so many? And attendance upon a sick bed, +but especially the sick bed of one whom we have been accustomed to see +in full activity and vigour, being a great breeder of reflection, he +began to ask himself in what they differed. + +He was assisted in coming to a conclusion on this head by the frequent +presence of Mark's friend, their fellow-passenger across the ocean, +which suggested to him that in regard to having aided her, for example, +they had differed very much. Somehow he coupled Tom Pinch with this +train of reflection; and thinking that Tom would be very likely to have +struck up the same sort of acquaintance under similar circumstances, +began to think in what respects two people so extremely different were +like each other, and were unlike him. At first sight there was nothing +very distressing in these meditations, but they did undoubtedly distress +him for all that. + +Martin's nature was a frank and generous one; but he had been bred up +in his grandfather's house; and it will usually be found that the +meaner domestic vices propagate themselves to be their own antagonists. +Selfishness does this especially; so do suspicion, cunning, stealth, and +covetous propensities. Martin had unconsciously reasoned as a child, 'My +guardian takes so much thought of himself, that unless I do the like by +MYself, I shall be forgotten.' So he had grown selfish. + +But he had never known it. If any one had taxed him with the vice, he +would have indignantly repelled the accusation, and conceived himself +unworthily aspersed. He never would have known it, but that being newly +risen from a bed of dangerous sickness, to watch by such another couch, +he felt how nearly Self had dropped into the grave, and what a poor +dependent, miserable thing it was. + +It was natural for him to reflect--he had months to do it in--upon his +own escape, and Mark's extremity. This led him to consider which of them +could be the better spared, and why? Then the curtain slowly rose a very +little way; and Self, Self, Self, was shown below. + +He asked himself, besides, when dreading Mark's decease (as all men do +and must, at such a time), whether he had done his duty by him, and had +deserved and made a good response to his fidelity and zeal. No. Short +as their companionship had been, he felt in many, many instances, that +there was blame against himself; and still inquiring why, the curtain +slowly rose a little more, and Self, Self, Self, dilated on the scene. + +It was long before he fixed the knowledge of himself so firmly in his +mind that he could thoroughly discern the truth; but in the hideous +solitude of that most hideous place, with Hope so far removed, Ambition +quenched, and Death beside him rattling at the very door, reflection +came, as in a plague-beleaguered town; and so he felt and knew the +failing of his life, and saw distinctly what an ugly spot it was. + +Eden was a hard school to learn so hard a lesson in; but there were +teachers in the swamp and thicket, and the pestilential air, who had a +searching method of their own. + +He made a solemn resolution that when his strength returned he would not +dispute the point or resist the conviction, but would look upon it as an +established fact, that selfishness was in his breast, and must be rooted +out. He was so doubtful (and with justice) of his own character, that he +determined not to say one word of vain regret or good resolve to Mark, +but steadily to keep his purpose before his own eyes solely; and there +was not a jot of pride in this; nothing but humility and steadfastness; +the best armour he could wear. So low had Eden brought him down. So high +had Eden raised him up. + +After a long and lingering illness (in certain forlorn stages of which, +when too far gone to speak, he had feebly written 'jolly!' on a slate), +Mark showed some symptoms of returning health. They came and went, and +flickered for a time; but he began to mend at last decidedly; and after +that continued to improve from day to day. + +As soon as he was well enough to talk without fatigue, Martin consulted +him upon a project he had in his mind, and which a few months back he +would have carried into execution without troubling anybody's head but +his own. + +'Ours is a desperate case,' said Martin. 'Plainly. The place is +deserted; its failure must have become known; and selling what we have +bought to any one, for anything, is hopeless, even if it were honest. We +left home on a mad enterprise, and have failed. The only hope left +us, the only one end for which we have now to try, is to quit this +settlement for ever, and get back to England. Anyhow! by any means! only +to get back there, Mark.' + +'That's all, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, with a significant stress upon +the words; 'only that!' + +'Now, upon this side of the water,' said Martin, 'we have but one friend +who can help us, and that is Mr Bevan.' + +'I thought of him when you was ill,' said Mark. + +'But for the time that would be lost, I would even write to my +grandfather,' Martin went on to say, 'and implore him for money to free +us from this trap into which we were so cruelly decoyed. Shall I try Mr +Bevan first?' + +'He's a very pleasant sort of a gentleman,' said Mark. 'I think so.' + +'The few goods we brought here, and in which we spent our money, would +produce something if sold,' resumed Martin; 'and whatever they realise +shall be paid him instantly. But they can't be sold here.' + +'There's nobody but corpses to buy 'em,' said Mr Tapley, shaking his +head with a rueful air, 'and pigs.' + +'Shall I tell him so, and only ask him for money enough to enable us by +the cheapest means to reach New York, or any port from which we may hope +to get a passage home, by serving in any capacity? Explaining to him +at the same time how I am connected, and that I will endeavour to +repay him, even through my grandfather, immediately on our arrival in +England?' + +'Why to be sure,' said Mark: 'he can only say no, and he may say yes. If +you don't mind trying him, sir--' + +'Mind!' exclaimed Martin. 'I am to blame for coming here, and I would do +anything to get away. I grieve to think of the past. If I had taken your +opinion sooner, Mark, we never should have been here, I am certain.' + +Mr Tapley was very much surprised at this admission, but protested, with +great vehemence, that they would have been there all the same; and that +he had set his heart upon coming to Eden, from the first word he had +ever heard of it. + +Martin then read him a letter to Mr Bevan, which he had already +prepared. It was frankly and ingenuously written, and described their +situation without the least concealment; plainly stated the miseries +they had undergone; and preferred their request in modest but +straightforward terms. Mark highly commended it; and they determined to +dispatch it by the next steamboat going the right way, that might call +to take in wood at Eden--where there was plenty of wood to spare. +Not knowing how to address Mr Bevan at his own place of abode, Martin +superscribed it to the care of the memorable Mr Norris of New York, +and wrote upon the cover an entreaty that it might be forwarded without +delay. + +More than a week elapsed before a boat appeared; but at length they were +awakened very early one morning by the high-pressure snorting of +the 'Esau Slodge;' named after one of the most remarkable men in the +country, who had been very eminent somewhere. Hurrying down to the +landing-place, they got it safe on board; and waiting anxiously to see +the boat depart, stopped up the gangway; an instance of neglect which +caused the 'Capting' of the Esau Slodge to 'wish he might be sifted fine +as flour, and whittled small as chips; that if they didn't come off that +there fixing right smart too, he'd spill 'em in the drink;' whereby the +Capting metaphorically said he'd throw them in the river. + +They were not likely to receive an answer for eight or ten weeks at the +earliest. In the meantime they devoted such strength as they had to +the attempted improvement of their land; to clearing some of it, and +preparing it for useful purposes. Monstrously defective as their farming +was, still it was better than their neighbours'; for Mark had some +practical knowledge of such matters, and Martin learned of him; whereas +the other settlers who remained upon the putrid swamp (a mere handful, +and those withered by disease), appeared to have wandered there with +the idea that husbandry was the natural gift of all mankind. They helped +each other after their own manner in these struggles, and in all others; +but they worked as hopelessly and sadly as a gang of convicts in a penal +settlement. + +Often at night when Mark and Martin were alone, and lying down to sleep, +they spoke of home, familiar places, houses, roads, and people whom they +knew; sometimes in the lively hope of seeing them again, and sometimes +with a sorrowful tranquillity, as if that hope were dead. It was a +source of great amazement to Mark Tapley to find, pervading all these +conversations, a singular alteration in Martin. + +'I don't know what to make of him,' he thought one night, 'he ain't what +I supposed. He don't think of himself half as much. I'll try him again. +Asleep, sir?' + +'No, Mark.' + +'Thinking of home, sir?' + +'Yes, Mark.' + +'So was I, sir. I was wondering how Mr Pinch and Mr Pecksniff gets on +now.' + +'Poor Tom!' said Martin, thoughtfully. + +'Weak-minded man, sir,' observed Mr Tapley. 'Plays the organ for +nothing, sir. Takes no care of himself?' + +'I wish he took a little more, indeed,' said Martin. 'Though I don't +know why I should. We shouldn't like him half as well, perhaps.' + +'He gets put upon, sir,' hinted Mark. + +'Yes!' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I know that, Mark.' + +He spoke so regretfully that his partner abandoned the theme, and was +silent for a short time until he had thought of another. + +'Ah, sir!' said Mark, with a sigh. 'Dear me! You've ventured a good deal +for a young lady's love!' + +'I tell you what. I'm not so sure of that, Mark,' was the reply; so +hastily and energetically spoken, that Martin sat up in his bed to give +it. 'I begin to be far from clear upon it. You may depend upon it she is +very unhappy. She has sacrificed her peace of mind; she has endangered +her interests very much; she can't run away from those who are jealous +of her, and opposed to her, as I have done. She has to endure, Mark; to +endure without the possibility of action, poor girl! I begin to think +that she has more to bear than ever I had. Upon my soul I do!' + +Mr Tapley opened his eyes wide in the dark; but did not interrupt. + +'And I'll tell you a secret, Mark,' said Martin, 'since we ARE upon this +subject. That ring--' + +'Which ring, sir?' Mark inquired, opening his eyes still wider. + +'That ring she gave me when we parted, Mark. She bought it; bought it; +knowing I was poor and proud (Heaven help me! Proud!) and wanted money.' + +'Who says so, sir?' asked Mark. + +'I say so. I know it. I thought of it, my good fellow, hundreds of +times, while you were lying ill. And like a beast, I took it from her +hand, and wore it on my own, and never dreamed of this even at the +moment when I parted with it, when some faint glimmering of the truth +might surely have possessed me! But it's late,' said Martin, checking +himself, 'and you are weak and tired, I know. You only talk to cheer me +up. Good night! God bless you, Mark!' + +'God bless you, sir! But I'm reg'larly defrauded,' thought Mr Tapley, +turning round with a happy face. 'It's a swindle. I never entered for +this sort of service. There'll be no credit in being jolly with HIM!' + +The time wore on, and other steamboats coming from the point on which +their hopes were fixed, arrived to take in wood; but still no answer +to the letter. Rain, heat, foul slime, and noxious vapour, with all the +ills and filthy things they bred, prevailed. The earth, the air, the +vegetation, and the water that they drank, all teemed with deadly +properties. Their fellow-passenger had lost two children long before; +and buried now her last. Such things are much too common to be widely +known or cared for. Smart citizens grow rich, and friendless victims +smart and die, and are forgotten. That is all. + +At last a boat came panting up the ugly river, and stopped at Eden. Mark +was waiting at the wood hut when it came, and had a letter handed to +him from on board. He bore it off to Martin. They looked at one another, +trembling. + +'It feels heavy,' faltered Martin. And opening it a little roll of +dollar-notes fell out upon the ground. + +What either of them said, or did, or felt, at first, neither of them +knew. All Mark could ever tell was, that he was at the river's bank +again out of breath, before the boat had gone, inquiring when it would +retrace its track and put in there. + +The answer was, in ten or twelve days; notwithstanding which they began +to get their goods together and to tie them up that very night. When +this stage of excitement was passed, each of them believed (they found +this out, in talking of it afterwards) that he would surely die before +the boat returned. + +They lived, however, and it came, after the lapse of three long crawling +weeks. At sunrise, on an autumn day, they stood upon her deck. + +'Courage! We shall meet again!' cried Martin, waving his hand to two +thin figures on the bank. 'In the Old World!' + +'Or in the next one,' added Mark below his breath. 'To see them standing +side by side, so quiet, is a'most the worst of all!' + +They looked at one another as the vessel moved away, and then looked +backward at the spot from which it hurried fast. The log-house, with the +open door, and drooping trees about it; the stagnant morning mist, and +red sun, dimly seen beyond; the vapour rising up from land and river; +the quick stream making the loathsome banks it washed more flat and +dull; how often they returned in dreams! How often it was happiness to +wake and find them Shadows that had vanished! + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR + +IN WHICH THE TRAVELLERS MOVE HOMEWARD, AND ENCOUNTER SOME DISTINGUISHED +CHARACTERS UPON THE WAY + + +Among the passengers on board the steamboat, there was a faint gentleman +sitting on a low camp-stool, with his legs on a high barrel of flour, as +if he were looking at the prospect with his ankles, who attracted their +attention speedily. + +He had straight black hair, parted up the middle of his head and hanging +down upon his coat; a little fringe of hair upon his chin; wore no +neckcloth; a white hat; a suit of black, long in the sleeves and short +in the legs; soiled brown stockings and laced shoes. His complexion, +naturally muddy, was rendered muddier by too strict an economy of soap +and water; and the same observation will apply to the washable part +of his attire, which he might have changed with comfort to himself and +gratification to his friends. He was about five and thirty; was crushed +and jammed up in a heap, under the shade of a large green cotton +umbrella; and ruminated over his tobacco-plug like a cow. + +He was not singular, to be sure, in these respects; for every gentleman +on board appeared to have had a difference with his laundress and to +have left off washing himself in early youth. Every gentleman, too, +was perfectly stopped up with tight plugging, and was dislocated in +the greater part of his joints. But about this gentleman there was a +peculiar air of sagacity and wisdom, which convinced Martin that he was +no common character; and this turned out to be the case. + +'How do you do sir?' said a voice in Martin's ear + +'How do you do sir?' said Martin. + +It was a tall thin gentleman who spoke to him, with a carpet-cap on, +and a long loose coat of green baize, ornamented about the pockets with +black velvet. + +'You air from Europe, sir?' + +'I am,' said Martin. + +'You air fortunate, sir.' + +Martin thought so too; but he soon discovered that the gentleman and he +attached different meanings to this remark. + +'You air fortunate, sir, in having an opportunity of beholding our +Elijah Pogram, sir.' + +'Your Elijahpogram!' said Martin, thinking it was all one word, and a +building of some sort. + +'Yes sir.' + +Martin tried to look as if he understood him, but he couldn't make it +out. + +'Yes, sir,' repeated the gentleman, 'our Elijah Pogram, sir, is, at this +minute, identically settin' by the engine biler.' + +The gentleman under the umbrella put his right forefinger to his +eyebrow, as if he were revolving schemes of state. + +'That is Elijah Pogram, is it?' said Martin. + +'Yes, sir,' replied the other. 'That is Elijah Pogram.' + +'Dear me!' said Martin. 'I am astonished.' But he had not the least idea +who this Elijah Pogram was; having never heard the name in all his life. + +'If the biler of this vessel was Toe bust, sir,' said his new +acquaintance, 'and Toe bust now, this would be a festival day in the +calendar of despotism; pretty nigh equallin', sir, in its effects upon +the human race, our Fourth of glorious July. Yes, sir, that is the +Honourable Elijah Pogram, Member of Congress; one of the master-minds of +our country, sir. There is a brow, sir, there!' + +'Quite remarkable,' said Martin. + +'Yes, sir. Our own immortal Chiggle, sir, is said to have observed, +when he made the celebrated Pogram statter in marble, which rose so much +con-test and preju-dice in Europe, that the brow was more than mortal. +This was before the Pogram Defiance, and was, therefore, a pre-diction, +cruel smart.' + +'What is the Pogram Defiance?' asked Martin, thinking, perhaps, it was +the sign of a public-house. + +'An o-ration, sir,' returned his friend. + +'Oh! to be sure,' cried Martin. 'What am I thinking of! It defied--' + +'It defied the world, sir,' said the other, gravely. 'Defied the world +in general to com-pete with our country upon any hook; and devellop'd +our internal resources for making war upon the universal airth. You +would like to know Elijah Pogram, sir?' + +'If you please,' said Martin. + +'Mr Pogram,' said the stranger--Mr Pogram having overheard every word of +the dialogue--'this is a gentleman from Europe, sir; from England, sir. +But gen'rous ene-mies may meet upon the neutral sile of private life, I +think.' + +The languid Mr Pogram shook hands with Martin, like a clock-work figure +that was just running down. But he made amends by chewing like one that +was just wound up. + +'Mr Pogram,' said the introducer, 'is a public servant, sir. When +Congress is recessed, he makes himself acquainted with those free United +States, of which he is the gifted son.' + +It occurred to Martin that if the Honourable Elijah Pogram had stayed at +home, and sent his shoes upon a tour, they would have answered the +same purpose; for they were the only part of him in a situation to see +anything. + +In course of time, however, Mr Pogram rose; and having ejected certain +plugging consequences which would have impeded his articulation, took up +a position where there was something to lean against, and began to talk +to Martin; shading himself with the green umbrella all the time. + +As he began with the words, 'How do you like--?' Martin took him up and +said: + +'The country, I presume?' + +'Yes, sir,' said Elijah Pogram. A knot of passengers gathered round to +hear what followed; and Martin heard his friend say, as he whispered +to another friend, and rubbed his hands, 'Pogram will smash him into +sky-blue fits, I know!' + +'Why,' said Martin, after a moment's hesitation, 'I have learned by +experience, that you take an unfair advantage of a stranger, when you +ask that question. You don't mean it to be answered, except in one way. +Now, I don't choose to answer it in that way, for I cannot honestly +answer it in that way. And therefore, I would rather not answer it at +all.' + +But Mr Pogram was going to make a great speech in the next session +about foreign relations, and was going to write strong articles on the +subject; and as he greatly favoured the free and independent custom (a +very harmless and agreeable one) of procuring information of any sort +in any kind of confidence, and afterwards perverting it publicly in any +manner that happened to suit him, he had determined to get at Martin's +opinions somehow or other. For if he could have got nothing out of +him, he would have had to invent it for him, and that would have been +laborious. He made a mental note of his answer, and went in again. + +'You are from Eden, sir? How did you like Eden?' + +Martin said what he thought of that part of the country, in pretty +strong terms. + +'It is strange,' said Pogram, looking round upon the group, 'this hatred +of our country, and her Institutions! This national antipathy is deeply +rooted in the British mind!' + +'Good Heaven, sir,' cried Martin. 'Is the Eden Land Corporation, with Mr +Scadder at its head, and all the misery it has worked, at its door, an +Institution of America? A part of any form of government that ever was +known or heard of?' + +'I con-sider the cause of this to be,' said Pogram, looking round again +and taking himself up where Martin had interrupted him, 'partly jealousy +and pre-judice, and partly the nat'ral unfitness of the British people +to appreciate the ex-alted Institutions of our native land. I expect, +sir,' turning to Martin again, 'that a gentleman named Chollop happened +in upon you during your lo-cation in the town of Eden?' + +'Yes,' answered Martin; 'but my friend can answer this better than I +can, for I was very ill at the time. Mark! The gentleman is speaking of +Mr Chollop.' + +'Oh. Yes, sir. Yes. I see him,' observed Mark. + +'A splendid example of our na-tive raw material, sir?' said Pogram, +interrogatively. + +'Indeed, sir!' cried Mark. + +The Honourable Elijah Pogram glanced at his friends as though he would +have said, 'Observe this! See what follows!' and they rendered tribute +to the Pogram genius by a gentle murmur. + +'Our fellow-countryman is a model of a man, quite fresh from Natur's +mould!' said Pogram, with enthusiasm. 'He is a true-born child of this +free hemisphere! Verdant as the mountains of our country; bright and +flowing as our mineral Licks; unspiled by withering conventionalities +as air our broad and boundless Perearers! Rough he may be. So air +our Barrs. Wild he may be. So air our Buffalers. But he is a child of +Natur', and a child of Freedom; and his boastful answer to the Despot +and the Tyrant is, that his bright home is in the Settin Sun.' + +Part of this referred to Chollop, and part to a Western postmaster, who, +being a public defaulter not very long before (a character not at all +uncommon in America), had been removed from office; and on whose behalf +Mr Pogram (he voted for Pogram) had thundered the last sentence from +his seat in Congress, at the head of an unpopular President. It told +brilliantly; for the bystanders were delighted, and one of them said to +Martin, 'that he guessed he had now seen something of the eloquential +aspect of our country, and was chawed up pritty small.' + +Mr Pogram waited until his hearers were calm again, before he said to +Mark: + +'You do not seem to coincide, sir?' + +'Why,' said Mark, 'I didn't like him much; and that's the truth, sir. I +thought he was a bully; and I didn't admire his carryin' them murderous +little persuaders, and being so ready to use 'em.' + +'It's singler!' said Pogram, lifting his umbrella high enough to +look all round from under it. 'It's strange! You observe the settled +opposition to our Institutions which pervades the British mind!' + +'What an extraordinary people you are!' cried Martin. 'Are Mr Chollop +and the class he represents, an Institution here? Are pistols with +revolving barrels, sword-sticks, bowie-knives, and such things, +Institutions on which you pride yourselves? Are bloody duels, brutal +combats, savage assaults, shooting down and stabbing in the streets, +your Institutions! Why, I shall hear next that Dishonour and Fraud are +among the Institutions of the great republic!' + +The moment the words passed his lips, the Honourable Elijah Pogram +looked round again. + +'This morbid hatred of our Institutions,' he observed, 'is quite a study +for the psychological observer. He's alludin' to Repudiation now!' + +'Oh! you may make anything an Institution if you like,' said Martin, +laughing, 'and I confess you had me there, for you certainly have made +that one. But the greater part of these things are one Institution with +us, and we call it by the generic name of Old Bailey!' + +The bell being rung for dinner at this moment, everybody ran away +into the cabin, whither the Honourable Elijah Pogram fled with such +precipitation that he forgot his umbrella was up, and fixed it so +tightly in the cabin door that it could neither be let down nor got out. +For a minute or so this accident created a perfect rebellion among the +hungry passengers behind, who, seeing the dishes, and hearing the knives +and forks at work, well knew what would happen unless they got there +instantly, and were nearly mad; while several virtuous citizens at the +table were in deadly peril of choking themselves in their unnatural +efforts to get rid of all the meat before these others came. + +They carried the umbrella by storm, however, and rushed in at the +breach. The Honourable Elijah Pogram and Martin found themselves, after +a severe struggle, side by side, as they might have come together in the +pit of a London theatre; and for four whole minutes afterwards, Pogram +was snapping up great blocks of everything he could get hold of, like a +raven. When he had taken this unusually protracted dinner, he began +to talk to Martin; and begged him not to have the least delicacy in +speaking with perfect freedom to him, for he was a calm philosopher. +Which Martin was extremely glad to hear; for he had begun to speculate +on Elijah being a disciple of that other school of republican +philosophy, whose noble sentiments are carved with knives upon a pupil's +body, and written, not with pen and ink, but tar and feathers. + +'What do you think of my countrymen who are present, sir?' inquired +Elijah Pogram. + +'Oh! very pleasant,' said Martin. + +They were a very pleasant party. No man had spoken a word; every one had +been intent, as usual, on his own private gorging; and the greater part +of the company were decidedly dirty feeders. + +The Honourable Elijah Pogram looked at Martin as if he thought 'You +don't mean that, I know!' and he was soon confirmed in this opinion. + +Sitting opposite to them was a gentleman in a high state of tobacco, who +wore quite a little beard, composed of the overflowing of that weed, as +they had dried about his mouth and chin; so common an ornament that it +would scarcely have attracted Martin's observation, but that this good +citizen, burning to assert his equality against all comers, sucked his +knife for some moments, and made a cut with it at the butter, just as +Martin was in the act of taking some. There was a juiciness about the +deed that might have sickened a scavenger. + +When Elijah Pogram (to whom this was an every-day incident) saw that +Martin put the plate away, and took no butter, he was quite delighted, +and said, + +'Well! The morbid hatred of you British to the Institutions of our +country is as-TONishing!' + +'Upon my life!' cried Martin, in his turn. 'This is the most wonderful +community that ever existed. A man deliberately makes a hog of himself, +and THAT'S an Institution!' + +'We have no time to ac-quire forms, sir,' said Elijah Pogram. + +'Acquire!' cried Martin. 'But it's not a question of acquiring anything. +It's a question of losing the natural politeness of a savage, and that +instinctive good breeding which admonishes one man not to offend and +disgust another. Don't you think that man over the way, for instance, +naturally knows better, but considers it a very fine and independent +thing to be a brute in small matters?' + +'He is a na-tive of our country, and is nat'rally bright and spry, of +course,' said Mr Pogram. + +'Now, observe what this comes to, Mr Pogram,' pursued Martin. 'The +mass of your countrymen begin by stubbornly neglecting little social +observances, which have nothing to do with gentility, custom, usage, +government, or country, but are acts of common, decent, natural, human +politeness. You abet them in this, by resenting all attacks upon their +social offences as if they were a beautiful national feature. From +disregarding small obligations they come in regular course to disregard +great ones; and so refuse to pay their debts. What they may do, or what +they may refuse to do next, I don't know; but any man may see if he +will, that it will be something following in natural succession, and a +part of one great growth, which is rotten at the root.' + +The mind of Mr Pogram was too philosophical to see this; so they went on +deck again, where, resuming his former post, he chewed until he was in a +lethargic state, amounting to insensibility. + +After a weary voyage of several days, they came again to that same wharf +where Mark had been so nearly left behind, on the night of starting for +Eden. Captain Kedgick, the landlord, was standing there, and was greatly +surprised to see them coming from the boat. + +'Why, what the 'tarnal!' cried the Captain. 'Well! I do admire at this, +I do!' + +'We can stay at your house until to-morrow, Captain, I suppose?' said +Martin. + +'I reckon you can stay there for a twelvemonth if you like,' retorted +Kedgick coolly. 'But our people won't best like your coming back.' + +'Won't like it, Captain Kedgick!' said Martin. + +'They did expect you was a-going to settle,' Kedgick answered, as he +shook his head. 'They've been took in, you can't deny!' + +'What do you mean?' cried Martin. + +'You didn't ought to have received 'em,' said the Captain. 'No you +didn't!' + +'My good friend,' returned Martin, 'did I want to receive them? Was +it any act of mine? Didn't you tell me they would rile up, and that I +should be flayed like a wild cat--and threaten all kinds of vengeance, +if I didn't receive them?' + +'I don't know about that,' returned the Captain. 'But when our people's +frills is out, they're starched up pretty stiff, I tell you!' + +With that, he fell into the rear to walk with Mark, while Martin and +Elijah Pogram went on to the National. + +'We've come back alive, you see!' said Mark. + +'It ain't the thing I did expect,' the Captain grumbled. 'A man ain't +got no right to be a public man, unless he meets the public views. Our +fashionable people wouldn't have attended his le-vee, if they had know'd +it.' + +Nothing mollified the Captain, who persisted in taking it very ill +that they had not both died in Eden. The boarders at the National felt +strongly on the subject too; but it happened by good fortune that they +had not much time to think about this grievance, for it was suddenly +determined to pounce upon the Honourable Elijah Pogram, and give HIM a +le-vee forthwith. + +As the general evening meal of the house was over before the arrival of +the boat, Martin, Mark, and Pogram were taking tea and fixings at the +public table by themselves, when the deputation entered to announce this +honour; consisting of six gentlemen boarders and a very shrill boy. + +'Sir!' said the spokesman. + +'Mr Pogram!' cried the shrill boy. + +The spokesman thus reminded of the shrill boy's presence, introduced +him. 'Doctor Ginery Dunkle, sir. A gentleman of great poetical elements. +He has recently jined us here, sir, and is an acquisition to us, sir, +I do assure you. Yes, sir. Mr Jodd, sir. Mr Izzard, sir. Mr Julius Bib, +sir.' + +'Julius Washington Merryweather Bib,' said the gentleman himself TO +himself. + +'I beg your pardon, sir. Excuse me. Mr Julius Washington Merryweather +Bib, sir; a gentleman in the lumber line, sir, and much esteemed. +Colonel Groper, sir. Pro-fessor Piper, sir. My own name, sir, is Oscar +Buffum.' + +Each man took one slide forward as he was named; butted at the +Honourable Elijah Pogram with his head; shook hands, and slid back +again. The introductions being completed, the spokesman resumed. + +'Sir!' + +'Mr Pogram!' cried the shrill boy. + +'Perhaps,' said the spokesman, with a hopeless look, 'you will be so +good, Dr. Ginery Dunkle, as to charge yourself with the execution of our +little office, sir?' + +As there was nothing the shrill boy desired more, he immediately stepped +forward. + +'Mr Pogram! Sir! A handful of your fellow-citizens, sir, hearing of your +arrival at the National Hotel, and feeling the patriotic character of +your public services, wish, sir, to have the gratification of beholding +you, and mixing with you, sir; and unbending with you, sir, in those +moments which--' + +'Air,' suggested Buffum. + +'Which air so peculiarly the lot, sir, of our great and happy country.' + +'Hear!' cried Colonel Grouper, in a loud voice. 'Good! Hear him! Good!' + +'And therefore, sir,' pursued the Doctor, 'they request; as A mark Of +their respect; the honour of your company at a little le-Vee, sir, in +the ladies' ordinary, at eight o'clock.' + +Mr Pogram bowed, and said: + +'Fellow countrymen!' + +'Good!' cried the Colonel. 'Hear, him! Good!' + +Mr Pogram bowed to the Colonel individually, and then resumed. + +'Your approbation of My labours in the common cause goes to My heart. At +all times and in all places; in the ladies' ordinary, My friends, and in +the Battle Field--' + +'Good, very good! Hear him! Hear him!' said the Colonel. + +'The name of Pogram will be proud to jine you. And may it, My friends, +be written on My tomb, "He was a member of the Congress of our common +country, and was ac-Tive in his trust."' + +'The Com-mittee, sir,' said the shrill boy, 'will wait upon you at five +minutes afore eight. I take My leave, sir!' + +Mr Pogram shook hands with him, and everybody else, once more; and when +they came back again at five minutes before eight, they said, one by +one, in a melancholy voice, 'How do you do, sir?' and shook hands with +Mr Pogram all over again, as if he had been abroad for a twelvemonth in +the meantime, and they met, now, at a funeral. + +But by this time Mr Pogram had freshened himself up, and had composed +his hair and features after the Pogram statue, so that any one with half +an eye might cry out, 'There he is! as he delivered the Defiance!' +The Committee were embellished also; and when they entered the ladies' +ordinary in a body, there was much clapping of hands from ladies and +gentlemen, accompanied by cries of 'Pogram! Pogram!' and some standing +up on chairs to see him. + +The object of the popular caress looked round the room as he walked up +it, and smiled; at the same time observing to the shrill boy, that he +knew something of the beauty of the daughters of their common country, +but had never seen it in such lustre and perfection as at that moment. +Which the shrill boy put in the paper next day; to Elijah Pogram's great +surprise. + +'We will re-quest you, sir, if you please,' said Buffum, laying hands on +Mr Pogram as if he were taking his measure for a coat, 'to stand up with +your back agin the wall right in the furthest corner, that there may +be more room for our fellow citizens. If you could set your back right +slap agin that curtain-peg, sir, keeping your left leg everlastingly +behind the stove, we should be fixed quite slick.' + +Mr Pogram did as he was told, and wedged himself into such a little +corner that the Pogram statue wouldn't have known him. + +The entertainments of the evening then began. Gentlemen brought ladies +up, and brought themselves up, and brought each other up; and asked +Elijah Pogram what he thought of this political question, and what +he thought of that; and looked at him, and looked at one another, and +seemed very unhappy indeed. The ladies on the chairs looked at Elijah +Pogram through their glasses, and said audibly, 'I wish he'd speak. +Why don't he speak? Oh, do ask him to speak!' And Elijah Pogram looked +sometimes at the ladies and sometimes elsewhere, delivering senatorial +opinions, as he was asked for them. But the great end and object of the +meeting seemed to be, not to let Elijah Pogram out of the corner on any +account; so there they kept him, hard and fast. + +A great bustle at the door, in the course of the evening, announced the +arrival of some remarkable person; and immediately afterwards an elderly +gentleman, much excited, was seen to precipitate himself upon the crowd, +and battle his way towards the Honourable Elijah Pogram. Martin, who had +found a snug place of observation in a distant corner, where he +stood with Mark beside him (for he did not so often forget him now +as formerly, though he still did sometimes), thought he knew this +gentleman, but had no doubt of it, when he cried as loud as he could, +with his eyes starting out of his head: + +'Sir, Mrs Hominy!' + +'Lord bless that woman, Mark. She has turned up again!' + +'Here she comes, sir,' answered Mr Tapley. 'Pogram knows her. A public +character! Always got her eye upon her country, sir! If that there +lady's husband is of my opinion, what a jolly old gentleman he must be!' + +A lane was made; and Mrs Hominy, with the aristocratic stalk, the pocket +handkerchief, the clasped hands, and the classical cap, came slowly up +it, in a procession of one. Mr Pogram testified emotions of delight on +seeing her, and a general hush prevailed. For it was known that when +a woman like Mrs Hominy encountered a man like Pogram, something +interesting must be said. + +Their first salutations were exchanged in a voice too low to reach the +impatient ears of the throng; but they soon became audible, for Mrs +Hominy felt her position, and knew what was expected of her. + +Mrs H. was hard upon him at first; and put him through a rigid catechism +in reference to a certain vote he had given, which she had found it +necessary, as the mother of the modern Gracchi, to deprecate in a line +by itself, set up expressly for the purpose in German text. But Mr +Pogram evading it by a well-timed allusion to the star-spangled banner, +which, it appeared, had the remarkable peculiarity of flouting the +breeze whenever it was hoisted where the wind blew, she forgave him. +They now enlarged on certain questions of tariff, commercial treaty, +boundary, importation and exportation with great effect. And Mrs Hominy +not only talked, as the saying is, like a book, but actually did talk +her own books, word for word. + +'My! what is this!' cried Mrs Hominy, opening a little note which was +handed her by her excited gentleman-usher. 'Do tell! oh, well, now! on'y +think!' + +And then she read aloud, as follows: + +'Two literary ladies present their compliments to the mother of the +modern Gracchi, and claim her kind introduction, as their talented +countrywoman, to the honourable (and distinguished) Elijah Pogram, whom +the two L. L.'s have often contemplated in the speaking marble of the +soul-subduing Chiggle. On a verbal intimation from the mother of the M. +G., that she will comply with the request of the two L. L.'s, they will +have the immediate pleasure of joining the galaxy assembled to do honour +to the patriotic conduct of a Pogram. It may be another bond of union +between the two L. L.'s and the mother of the M. G. to observe, that the +two L. L.'s are Transcendental.' + +Mrs Hominy promptly rose, and proceeded to the door, whence she +returned, after a minute's interval, with the two L. L.'s, whom she led, +through the lane in the crowd, with all that stateliness of deportment +which was so remarkably her own, up to the great Elijah Pogram. It was +(as the shrill boy cried out in an ecstasy) quite the Last Scene from +Coriolanus. One of the L. L.'s wore a brown wig of uncommon size. +Sticking on the forehead of the other, by invisible means, was a massive +cameo, in size and shape like the raspberry tart which is ordinarily +sold for a penny, representing on its front the Capitol at Washington. + +'Miss Toppit, and Miss Codger!' said Mrs Hominy. + +'Codger's the lady so often mentioned in the English newspapers I should +think, sir,' whispered Mark. 'The oldest inhabitant as never remembers +anything.' + +'To be presented to a Pogram,' said Miss Codger, 'by a Hominy, indeed, +a thrilling moment is it in its impressiveness on what we call our +feelings. But why we call them so, or why impressed they are, or if +impressed they are at all, or if at all we are, or if there really is, +oh gasping one! a Pogram or a Hominy, or any active principle to which +we give those titles, is a topic, Spirit searching, light abandoned, +much too vast to enter on, at this unlooked-for crisis.' + +'Mind and matter,' said the lady in the wig, 'glide swift into the +vortex of immensity. Howls the sublime, and softly sleeps the calm +Ideal, in the whispering chambers of Imagination. To hear it, sweet +it is. But then, outlaughs the stern philosopher, and saith to the +Grotesque, "What ho! arrest for me that Agency. Go, bring it here!" And +so the vision fadeth.' + +After this, they both took Mr Pogram by the hand, and pressed it to +their lips, as a patriotic palm. That homage paid, the mother of the +modern Gracchi called for chairs, and the three literary ladies went to +work in earnest, to bring poor Pogram out, and make him show himself in +all his brilliant colours. + +How Pogram got out of his depth instantly, and how the three L. L.'s +were never in theirs, is a piece of history not worth recording. Suffice +it, that being all four out of their depths, and all unable to swim, +they splashed up words in all directions, and floundered about famously. +On the whole, it was considered to have been the severest mental +exercise ever heard in the National Hotel. Tears stood in the shrill +boy's eyes several times; and the whole company observed that their +heads ached with the effort--as well they might. + +When it at last became necessary to release Elijah Pogram from the +corner, and the Committee saw him safely back again to the next room, +they were fervent in their admiration. + +'Which,' said Mr Buffum, 'must have vent, or it will bust. Toe you, +Mr Pogram, I am grateful. Toe-wards you, sir, I am inspired with lofty +veneration, and with deep e-mo-tion. The sentiment Toe which I would +propose to give ex-pression, sir, is this: "May you ever be as firm, +sir, as your marble statter! May it ever be as great a terror Toe its +ene-mies as you."' + +There is some reason to suppose that it was rather terrible to its +friends; being a statue of the Elevated or Goblin School, in which the +Honourable Elijah Pogram was represented as in a very high wind, with +his hair all standing on end, and his nostrils blown wide open. But Mr +Pogram thanked his friend and countryman for the aspiration to which he +had given utterance, and the Committee, after another solemn shaking of +hands, retired to bed, except the Doctor; who immediately repaired to +the newspaper-office, and there wrote a short poem suggested by the +events of the evening, beginning with fourteen stars, and headed, 'A +Fragment. Suggested by witnessing the Honourable Elijah Pogram engaged +in a philosophical disputation with three of Columbia's fairest +daughters. By Doctor Ginery Dunkle. Of Troy.' + +If Pogram was as glad to get to bed as Martin was, he must have been +well rewarded for his labours. They started off again next day (Martin +and Mark previously disposing of their goods to the storekeepers of whom +they had purchased them, for anything they would bring), and were fellow +travellers to within a short distance of New York. When Pogram was about +to leave them he grew thoughtful, and after pondering for some time, +took Martin aside. + +'We air going to part, sir,' said Pogram. + +'Pray don't distress yourself,' said Martin; 'we must bear it.' + +'It ain't that, sir,' returned Pogram, 'not at all. But I should wish +you to accept a copy of My oration.' + +'Thank you,' said Martin, 'you are very good. I shall be most happy.' + +'It ain't quite that, sir, neither,' resumed Pogram; 'air you bold +enough to introduce a copy into your country?' + +'Certainly,' said Martin. 'Why not?' + +'Its sentiments air strong, sir,' hinted Pogram, darkly. + +'That makes no difference,' said Martin. 'I'll take a dozen if you +like.' + +'No, sir,' retorted Pogram. 'Not A dozen. That is more than I require. +If you are content to run the hazard, sir, here is one for your Lord +Chancellor,' producing it, 'and one for Your principal Secretary of +State. I should wish them to see it, sir, as expressing what my opinions +air. That they may not plead ignorance at a future time. But don't get +into danger, sir, on my account!' + +'There is not the least danger, I assure you,' said Martin. So he put +the pamphlets in his pocket, and they parted. + +Mr Bevan had written in his letter that, at a certain time, which fell +out happily just then, he would be at a certain hotel in the city, +anxiously expecting to see them. To this place they repaired without a +moment's delay. They had the satisfaction of finding him within; and of +being received by their good friend, with his own warmth and heartiness. + +'I am truly sorry and ashamed,' said Martin, 'to have begged of you. But +look at us. See what we are, and judge to what we are reduced!' + +'So far from claiming to have done you any service,' returned the other, +'I reproach myself with having been, unwittingly, the original cause +of your misfortunes. I no more supposed you would go to Eden on such +representations as you received; or, indeed, that you would do anything +but be dispossessed, by the readiest means, of your idea that fortunes +were so easily made here; than I thought of going to Eden myself.' + +'The fact is, I closed with the thing in a mad and sanguine manner,' +said Martin, 'and the less said about it the better for me. Mark, here, +hadn't a voice in the matter.' + +'Well! but he hadn't a voice in any other matter, had he?' returned Mr +Bevan; laughing with an air that showed his understanding of Mark and +Martin too. + +'Not a very powerful one, I am afraid,' said Martin with a blush. 'But +live and learn, Mr Bevan! Nearly die and learn; we learn the quicker.' + +'Now,' said their friend, 'about your plans. You mean to return home at +once?' + +'Oh, I think so,' returned Martin hastily, for he turned pale at the +thought of any other suggestion. 'That is your opinion too, I hope?' + +'Unquestionably. For I don't know why you ever came here; though it's +not such an unusual case, I am sorry to say, that we need go any farther +into that. You don't know that the ship in which you came over with our +friend General Fladdock, is in port, of course?' + +'Indeed!' said Martin. + +'Yes. And is advertised to sail to-morrow.' + +This was tempting news, but tantalising too; for Martin knew that his +getting any employment on board a ship of that class was hopeless. The +money in his pocket would not pay one-fourth of the sum he had already +borrowed, and if it had been enough for their passage-money, he could +hardly have resolved to spend it. He explained this to Mr Bevan, and +stated what their project was. + +'Why, that's as wild as Eden every bit,' returned his friend. 'You must +take your passage like a Christian; at least, as like a Christian as a +fore-cabin passenger can; and owe me a few more dollars than you intend. +If Mark will go down to the ship and see what passengers there are, +and finds that you can go in her without being actually suffocated, my +advice is, go! You and I will look about us in the meantime (we won't +call at the Norris's unless you like), and we will all three dine +together in the afternoon.' + +Martin had nothing to express but gratitude, and so it was arranged. +But he went out of the room after Mark, and advised him to take their +passage in the Screw, though they lay upon the bare deck; which Mr +Tapley, who needed no entreaty on the subject readily promised to do. + +When he and Martin met again, and were alone, he was in high spirits, +and evidently had something to communicate, in which he gloried very +much. + +'I've done Mr Bevan, sir,' said Mark. + +'Done Mr Bevan!' repeated Martin. + +'The cook of the Screw went and got married yesterday, sir,' said Mr +Tapley. + +Martin looked at him for farther explanation. + +'And when I got on board, and the word was passed that it was me,' said +Mark, 'the mate he comes and asks me whether I'd engage to take this +said cook's place upon the passage home. "For you're used to it," he +says; "you were always a-cooking for everybody on your passage out." +And so I was,' said Mark, 'although I never cooked before, I'll take my +oath.' + +'What did you say?' demanded Martin. + +'Say!' cried Mark. 'That I'd take anything I could get. "If that's +so," says the mate, "why, bring a glass of rum;" which they brought +according. And my wages, sir,' said Mark in high glee, 'pays your +passage; and I've put the rolling-pin in your berth to take it (it's +the easy one up in the corner); and there we are, Rule Britannia, and +Britons strike home!' + +'There never was such a good fellow as you are!' cried Martin seizing +him by the hand. 'But what do you mean by "doing" Mr Bevan, Mark?' + +'Why, don't you see?' said Mark. 'We don't tell him, you know. We take +his money, but we don't spend it, and we don't keep it. What we do is, +write him a little note, explaining this engagement, and roll it up, +and leave it at the bar, to be given to him after we are gone. Don't you +see?' + +Martin's delight in this idea was not inferior to Mark's. It was all +done as he proposed. They passed a cheerful evening; slept at the hotel; +left the letter as arranged; and went off to the ship betimes next +morning, with such light hearts as the weight of their past miseries +engendered. + +'Good-bye! a hundred thousand times good-bye!' said Martin to their +friend. 'How shall I remember all your kindness! How shall I ever thank +you!' + +'If you ever become a rich man, or a powerful one,' returned his friend, +'you shall try to make your Government more careful of its subjects when +they roam abroad to live. Tell it what you know of emigration in your +own case, and impress upon it how much suffering may be prevented with a +little pains!' + +Cheerily, lads, cheerily! Anchor weighed. Ship in full sail. Her sturdy +bowsprit pointing true to England. America a cloud upon the sea behind +them! + +'Why, Cook! what are you thinking of so steadily?' said Martin. + +'Why, I was a-thinking, sir,' returned Mark, 'that if I was a painter +and was called upon to paint the American Eagle, how should I do it?' + +'Paint it as like an Eagle as you could, I suppose.' + +'No,' said Mark. 'That wouldn't do for me, sir. I should want to draw it +like a Bat, for its short-sightedness; like a Bantam, for its bragging; +like a Magpie, for its honesty; like a Peacock, for its vanity; like a +ostrich, for its putting its head in the mud, and thinking nobody sees +it--' + +'And like a Phoenix, for its power of springing from the ashes of its +faults and vices, and soaring up anew into the sky!' said Martin. 'Well, +Mark. Let us hope so.' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE + +ARRIVING IN ENGLAND, MARTIN WITNESSES A CEREMONY, FROM WHICH HE DERIVES +THE CHEERING INFORMATION THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN IN HIS ABSENCE + + +It was mid-day, and high water in the English port for which the Screw +was bound, when, borne in gallantly upon the fullness of the tide, she +let go her anchor in the river. + +Bright as the scene was; fresh, and full of motion; airy, free, and +sparkling; it was nothing to the life and exultation in the breasts of +the two travellers, at sight of the old churches, roofs, and darkened +chimney stacks of Home. The distant roar that swelled up hoarsely from +the busy streets, was music in their ears; the lines of people gazing +from the wharves, were friends held dear; the canopy of smoke that +overhung the town was brighter and more beautiful to them than if the +richest silks of Persia had been waving in the air. And though the water +going on its glistening track, turned, ever and again, aside to dance +and sparkle round great ships, and heave them up; and leaped from off +the blades of oars, a shower of diving diamonds; and wantoned with +the idle boats, and swiftly passed, in many a sportive chase, through +obdurate old iron rings, set deep into the stone-work of the quays; +not even it was half so buoyant, and so restless, as their fluttering +hearts, when yearning to set foot, once more, on native ground. + +A year had passed since those same spires and roofs had faded from their +eyes. It seemed to them, a dozen years. Some trifling changes, here +and there, they called to mind; and wondered that they were so few and +slight. In health and fortune, prospect and resource, they came back +poorer men than they had gone away. But it was home. And though home is +a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, +or spirit answered to, in strongest conjuration. + +Being set ashore, with very little money in their pockets, and no +definite plan of operation in their heads, they sought out a cheap +tavern, where they regaled upon a smoking steak, and certain flowing +mugs of beer, as only men just landed from the sea can revel in +the generous dainties of the earth. When they had feasted, as two +grateful-tempered giants might have done, they stirred the fire, drew +back the glowing curtain from the window, and making each a sofa for +himself, by union of the great unwieldy chairs, gazed blissfully into +the street. + +Even the street was made a fairy street, by being half hidden in an +atmosphere of steak, and strong, stout, stand-up English beer. For on +the window-glass hung such a mist, that Mr Tapley was obliged to rise +and wipe it with his handkerchief, before the passengers appeared like +common mortals. And even then, a spiral little cloud went curling up +from their two glasses of hot grog, which nearly hid them from each +other. + +It was one of those unaccountable little rooms which are never seen +anywhere but in a tavern, and are supposed to have got into taverns by +reason of the facilities afforded to the architect for getting drunk +while engaged in their construction. It had more corners in it than the +brain of an obstinate man; was full of mad closets, into which nothing +could be put that was not specially invented and made for that purpose; +had mysterious shelvings and bulkheads, and indications of staircases in +the ceiling; and was elaborately provided with a bell that rung in +the room itself, about two feet from the handle, and had no connection +whatever with any other part of the establishment. It was a little +below the pavement, and abutted close upon it; so that passengers grated +against the window-panes with their buttons, and scraped it with their +baskets; and fearful boys suddenly coming between a thoughtful guest +and the light, derided him, or put out their tongues as if he were a +physician; or made white knobs on the ends of their noses by flattening +the same against the glass, and vanished awfully, like spectres. + +Martin and Mark sat looking at the people as they passed, debating every +now and then what their first step should be. + +'We want to see Miss Mary, of course,' said Mark. + +'Of course,' said Martin. 'But I don't know where she is. Not having had +the heart to write in our distress--you yourself thought silence most +advisable--and consequently, never having heard from her since we left +New York the first time, I don't know where she is, my good fellow.' + +'My opinion is, sir,' returned Mark, 'that what we've got to do is to +travel straight to the Dragon. There's no need for you to go there, +where you're known, unless you like. You may stop ten mile short of it. +I'll go on. Mrs Lupin will tell me all the news. Mr Pinch will give me +every information that we want; and right glad Mr Pinch will be to do +it. My proposal is: To set off walking this afternoon. To stop when we +are tired. To get a lift when we can. To walk when we can't. To do it at +once, and do it cheap.' + +'Unless we do it cheap, we shall have some difficulty in doing it at +all,' said Martin, pulling out the bank, and telling it over in his +hand. + +'The greater reason for losing no time, sir,' replied Mark. 'Whereas, +when you've seen the young lady; and know what state of mind the old +gentleman's in, and all about it; then you'll know what to do next.' + +'No doubt,' said Martin. 'You are quite right.' + +They were raising their glasses to their lips, when their hands stopped +midway, and their gaze was arrested by a figure which slowly, very +slowly, and reflectively, passed the window at that moment. + +Mr Pecksniff. Placid, calm, but proud. Honestly proud. Dressed with +peculiar care, smiling with even more than usual blandness, pondering +on the beauties of his art with a mild abstraction from all sordid +thoughts, and gently travelling across the disc, as if he were a figure +in a magic lantern. + +As Mr Pecksniff passed, a person coming in the opposite direction +stopped to look after him with great interest and respect, almost with +veneration; and the landlord bouncing out of the house, as if he had +seen him too, joined this person, and spoke to him, and shook his head +gravely, and looked after Mr Pecksniff likewise. + +Martin and Mark sat staring at each other, as if they could not believe +it; but there stood the landlord, and the other man still. In spite of +the indignation with which this glimpse of Mr Pecksniff had inspired +him, Martin could not help laughing heartily. Neither could Mark. + +'We must inquire into this!' said Martin. 'Ask the landlord in, Mark.' + +Mr Tapley retired for that purpose, and immediately returned with their +large-headed host in safe convoy. + +'Pray, landlord!' said Martin, 'who is that gentleman who passed just +now, and whom you were looking after?' + +The landlord poked the fire as if, in his desire to make the most of +his answer, he had become indifferent even to the price of coals; and +putting his hands in his pockets, said, after inflating himself to give +still further effect to his reply: + +'That, gentlemen, is the great Mr Pecksniff! The celebrated architect, +gentlemen!' + +He looked from one to the other while he said it, as if he were ready to +assist the first man who might be overcome by the intelligence. + +'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen.' said the +landlord, 'has come down here, to help to lay the first stone of a new +and splendid public building.' + +'Is it to be built from his designs?' asked Martin. + +'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen,' +returned the landlord, who seemed to have an unspeakable delight in +the repetition of these words, 'carried off the First Premium, and will +erect the building.' + +'Who lays the stone?' asked Martin. + +'Our member has come down express,' returned the landlord. 'No scrubs +would do for no such a purpose. Nothing less would satisfy our Directors +than our member in the House of Commons, who is returned upon the +Gentlemanly Interest.' + +'Which interest is that?' asked Martin. + +'What, don't you know!' returned the landlord. + +It was quite clear the landlord didn't. They always told him at election +time, that it was the Gentlemanly side, and he immediately put on his +top-boots, and voted for it. + +'When does the ceremony take place?' asked Martin. + +'This day,' replied the landlord. Then pulling out his watch, he added, +impressively, 'almost this minute.' + +Martin hastily inquired whether there was any possibility of getting +in to witness it; and finding that there would be no objection to the +admittance of any decent person, unless indeed the ground were full, +hurried off with Mark, as hard as they could go. + +They were fortunate enough to squeeze themselves into a famous corner on +the ground, where they could see all that passed, without much dread of +being beheld by Mr Pecksniff in return. They were not a minute too soon, +for as they were in the act of congratulating each other, a great noise +was heard at some distance, and everybody looked towards the gate. +Several ladies prepared their pocket handkerchiefs for waving; and a +stray teacher belonging to the charity school being much cheered by +mistake, was immensely groaned at when detected. + +'Perhaps he has Tom Pinch with him,' Martin whispered Mr Tapley. + +'It would be rather too much of a treat for him, wouldn't it, sir?' +whispered Mr Tapley in return. + +There was no time to discuss the probabilities either way, for the +charity school, in clean linen, came filing in two and two, so much to +the self-approval of all the people present who didn't subscribe to +it, that many of them shed tears. A band of music followed, led by +a conscientious drummer who never left off. Then came a great many +gentlemen with wands in their hands, and bows on their breasts, whose +share in the proceedings did not appear to be distinctly laid down, and +who trod upon each other, and blocked up the entry for a considerable +period. These were followed by the Mayor and Corporation, all clustering +round the member for the Gentlemanly Interest; who had the great Mr +Pecksniff, the celebrated architect on his right hand, and conversed +with him familiarly as they came along. Then the ladies waved their +handkerchiefs, and the gentlemen their hats, and the charity children +shrieked, and the member for the Gentlemanly Interest bowed. + +Silence being restored, the member for the Gentlemanly Interest rubbed +his hands, and wagged his head, and looked about him pleasantly; and +there was nothing this member did, at which some lady or other did not +burst into an ecstatic waving of her pocket handkerchief. When he looked +up at the stone, they said how graceful! when he peeped into the hole, +they said how condescending! when he chatted with the Mayor, they +said how easy! when he folded his arms they cried with one accord, how +statesman-like! + +Mr Pecksniff was observed too, closely. When he talked to the Mayor, +they said, Oh, really, what a courtly man he was! When he laid his +hand upon the mason's shoulder, giving him directions, how pleasant his +demeanour to the working classes; just the sort of man who made their +toil a pleasure to them, poor dear souls! + +But now a silver trowel was brought; and when the member for the +Gentlemanly Interest, tucking up his coat-sleeve, did a little sleight +of hand with the mortar, the air was rent, so loud was the applause. +The workman-like manner in which he did it was amazing. No one could +conceive where such a gentlemanly creature could have picked the +knowledge up. + +When he had made a kind of dirt-pie under the direction of the mason, +they brought a little vase containing coins, the which the member +for the Gentlemanly Interest jingled, as if he were going to conjure. +Whereat they said how droll, how cheerful, what a flow of spirits! This +put into its place, an ancient scholar read the inscription, which +was in Latin; not in English; that would never do. It gave great +satisfaction; especially every time there was a good long substantive +in the third declension, ablative case, with an adjective to match; at +which periods the assembly became very tender, and were much affected. + +And now the stone was lowered down into its place, amidst the shouting +of the concourse. When it was firmly fixed, the member for the +Gentlemanly Interest struck upon it thrice with the handle of the +trowel, as if inquiring, with a touch of humour, whether anybody was at +home. Mr Pecksniff then unrolled his Plans (prodigious plans they were), +and people gathered round to look at and admire them. + +Martin, who had been fretting himself--quite unnecessarily, as Mark +thought--during the whole of these proceedings, could no longer restrain +his impatience; but stepping forward among several others, looked +straight over the shoulder of the unconscious Mr Pecksniff, at the +designs and plans he had unrolled. He returned to Mark, boiling with +rage. + +'Why, what's the matter, sir?' cried Mark. + +'Matter! This is MY building.' + +'Your building, sir!' said Mark. + +'My grammar-school. I invented it. I did it all. He has only put four +windows in, the villain, and spoilt it!' + +Mark could hardly believe it at first, but being assured that it was +really so, actually held him to prevent his interference foolishly, +until his temporary heat was past. In the meantime, the member addressed +the company on the gratifying deed which he had just performed. + +He said that since he had sat in Parliament to represent the Gentlemanly +Interest of that town; and he might add, the Lady Interest, he hoped, +besides (pocket handkerchiefs); it had been his pleasant duty to come +among them, and to raise his voice on their behalf in Another Place +(pocket handkerchiefs and laughter), often. But he had never come among +them, and had never raised his voice, with half such pure, such deep, +such unalloyed delight, as now. 'The present occasion,' he said, 'will +ever be memorable to me; not only for the reasons I have assigned, but +because it has afforded me an opportunity of becoming personally known +to a gentleman--' + +Here he pointed the trowel at Mr Pecksniff, who was greeted with +vociferous cheering, and laid his hand upon his heart. + +'To a gentleman who, I am happy to believe, will reap both distinction +and profit from this field; whose fame had previously penetrated to +me--as to whose ears has it not!--but whose intellectual countenance I +never had the distinguished honour to behold until this day, and whose +intellectual conversation I had never before the improving pleasure to +enjoy.' + +Everybody seemed very glad of this, and applauded more than ever. + +'But I hope my Honourable Friend,' said the Gentlemanly member--of +course he added "if he will allow me to call him so," and of course Mr +Pecksniff bowed--'will give me many opportunities of cultivating the +knowledge of him; and that I may have the extraordinary gratification of +reflecting in after-time that I laid on this day two first stones, both +belonging to structures which shall last my life!' + +Great cheering again. All this time, Martin was cursing Mr Pecksniff up +hill and down dale. + +'My friends!' said Mr Pecksniff, in reply. 'My duty is to build, not +speak; to act, not talk; to deal with marble, stone, and brick; not +language. I am very much affected. God bless you!' + +This address, pumped out apparently from Mr Pecksniff's very heart, +brought the enthusiasm to its highest pitch. The pocket handkerchiefs +were waved again; the charity children were admonished to grow up +Pecksniffs, every boy among them; the Corporation, gentlemen with wands, +member for the Gentlemanly Interest, all cheered for Mr Pecksniff. Three +cheers for Mr Pecksniff! Three more for Mr Pecksniff! Three more for +Mr Pecksniff, gentlemen, if you please! One more, gentlemen, for Mr +Pecksniff, and let it be a good one to finish with! + +In short, Mr Pecksniff was supposed to have done a great work and was +very kindly, courteously, and generously rewarded. When the procession +moved away, and Martin and Mark were left almost alone upon the ground, +his merits and a desire to acknowledge them formed the common topic. He +was only second to the Gentlemanly member. + +'Compare the fellow's situation to-day with ours!' said Martin bitterly. + +'Lord bless you, sir!' cried Mark, 'what's the use? Some architects are +clever at making foundations, and some architects are clever at building +on 'em when they're made. But it'll all come right in the end, sir; +it'll all come right!' + +'And in the meantime--' began Martin. + +'In the meantime, as you say, sir, we have a deal to do, and far to go. +So sharp's the word, and Jolly!' + +'You are the best master in the world, Mark,' said Martin, 'and I will +not be a bad scholar if I can help it, I am resolved! So come! Best foot +foremost, old fellow!' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX + +TOM PINCH DEPARTS TO SEEK HIS FORTUNE. WHAT HE FINDS AT STARTING + + +Oh! What a different town Salisbury was in Tom Pinch's eyes to be sure, +when the substantial Pecksniff of his heart melted away into an idle +dream! He possessed the same faith in the wonderful shops, the same +intensified appreciation of the mystery and wickedness of the place; +made the same exalted estimate of its wealth, population, and resources; +and yet it was not the old city nor anything like it. He walked into the +market while they were getting breakfast ready for him at the Inn; and +though it was the same market as of old, crowded by the same buyers and +sellers; brisk with the same business; noisy with the same confusion of +tongues and cluttering of fowls in coops; fair with the same display +of rolls of butter, newly made, set forth in linen cloths of dazzling +whiteness; green with the same fresh show of dewy vegetables; dainty +with the same array in higglers' baskets of small shaving-glasses, +laces, braces, trouser-straps, and hardware; savoury with the same +unstinted show of delicate pigs' feet, and pies made precious by the +pork that once had walked upon them; still it was strangely changed to +Tom. For, in the centre of the market-place, he missed a statue he +had set up there as in all other places of his personal resort; and it +looked cold and bare without that ornament. + +The change lay no deeper than this, for Tom was far from being sage +enough to know, that, having been disappointed in one man, it would have +been a strictly rational and eminently wise proceeding to have revenged +himself upon mankind in general, by mistrusting them one and all. Indeed +this piece of justice, though it is upheld by the authority of divers +profound poets and honourable men, bears a nearer resemblance to the +justice of that good Vizier in the Thousand-and-one Nights, who issues +orders for the destruction of all the Porters in Bagdad because one of +that unfortunate fraternity is supposed to have misconducted himself, +than to any logical, not to say Christian, system of conduct, known to +the world in later times. + +Tom had so long been used to steep the Pecksniff of his fancy in his +tea, and spread him out upon his toast, and take him as a relish with +his beer, that he made but a poor breakfast on the first morning after +his expulsion. Nor did he much improve his appetite for dinner by +seriously considering his own affairs, and taking counsel thereon with +his friend the organist's assistant. + +The organist's assistant gave it as his decided opinion that whatever +Tom did, he must go to London; for there was no place like it. Which +may be true in the main, though hardly, perhaps, in itself, a sufficient +reason for Tom's going there. + +But Tom had thought of London before, and had coupled with it thoughts +of his sister, and of his old friend John Westlock, whose advice +he naturally felt disposed to seek in this important crisis of his +fortunes. To London, therefore, he resolved to go; and he went away to +the coach-office at once, to secure his place. The coach being already +full, he was obliged to postpone his departure until the next night; but +even this circumstance had its bright side as well as its dark one, for +though it threatened to reduce his poor purse with unexpected country +charges, it afforded him an opportunity of writing to Mrs Lupin and +appointing his box to be brought to the old finger-post at the old time; +which would enable him to take that treasure with him to the metropolis, +and save the expense of its carriage. 'So,' said Tom, comforting +himself, 'it's very nearly as broad as it's long.' + +And it cannot be denied that, when he had made up his mind to even this +extent, he felt an unaccustomed sense of freedom--a vague and indistinct +impression of holiday-making--which was very luxurious. He had his +moments of depression and anxiety, and they were, with good reason, +pretty numerous; but still, it was wonderfully pleasant to reflect that +he was his own master, and could plan and scheme for himself. It was +startling, thrilling, vast, difficult to understand; it was a stupendous +truth, teeming with responsibility and self-distrust; but in spite of +all his cares, it gave a curious relish to the viands at the Inn, and +interposed a dreamy haze between him and his prospects, in which they +sometimes showed to magical advantage. + +In this unsettled state of mind, Tom went once more to bed in the low +four-poster, to the same immovable surprise of the effigies of the +former landlord and the fat ox; and in this condition, passed the whole +of the succeeding day. When the coach came round at last with 'London' +blazoned in letters of gold upon the boot, it gave Tom such a turn, that +he was half disposed to run away. But he didn't do it; for he took his +seat upon the box instead, and looking down upon the four greys, felt +as if he were another grey himself, or, at all events, a part of the +turn-out; and was quite confused by the novelty and splendour of his +situation. + +And really it might have confused a less modest man than Tom to find +himself sitting next that coachman; for of all the swells that ever +flourished a whip professionally, he might have been elected emperor. He +didn't handle his gloves like another man, but put them on--even when he +was standing on the pavement, quite detached from the coach--as if the +four greys were, somehow or other, at the ends of the fingers. It was +the same with his hat. He did things with his hat, which nothing but an +unlimited knowledge of horses and the wildest freedom of the road, could +ever have made him perfect in. Valuable little parcels were brought to +him with particular instructions, and he pitched them into this hat, and +stuck it on again; as if the laws of gravity did not admit of such +an event as its being knocked off or blown off, and nothing like an +accident could befall it. The guard, too! Seventy breezy miles a day +were written in his very whiskers. His manners were a canter; his +conversation a round trot. He was a fast coach upon a down-hill turnpike +road; he was all pace. A waggon couldn't have moved slowly, with that +guard and his key-bugle on the top of it. + +These were all foreshadowings of London, Tom thought, as he sat upon +the box, and looked about him. Such a coachman, and such a guard, never +could have existed between Salisbury and any other place. The coach +was none of your steady-going, yokel coaches, but a swaggering, rakish, +dissipated London coach; up all night, and lying by all day, and leading +a devil of a life. It cared no more for Salisbury than if it had been +a hamlet. It rattled noisily through the best streets, defied the +Cathedral, took the worst corners sharpest, went cutting in everywhere, +making everything get out of its way; and spun along the open +country-road, blowing a lively defiance out of its key-bugle, as its +last glad parting legacy. + +It was a charming evening. Mild and bright. And even with the weight +upon his mind which arose out of the immensity and uncertainty of +London, Tom could not resist the captivating sense of rapid motion +through the pleasant air. The four greys skimmed along, as if they liked +it quite as well as Tom did; the bugle was in as high spirits as the +greys; the coachman chimed in sometimes with his voice; the wheels +hummed cheerfully in unison; the brass work on the harness was an +orchestra of little bells; and thus, as they went clinking, jingling, +rattling smoothly on, the whole concern, from the buckles of the +leaders' coupling-reins to the handle of the hind boot, was one great +instrument of music. + +Yoho, past hedges, gates, and trees; past cottages and barns, and people +going home from work. Yoho, past donkey-chaises, drawn aside into the +ditch, and empty carts with rampant horses, whipped up at a bound upon +the little watercourse, and held by struggling carters close to the +five-barred gate, until the coach had passed the narrow turning in the +road. Yoho, by churches dropped down by themselves in quiet nooks, +with rustic burial-grounds about them, where the graves are green, and +daisies sleep--for it is evening--on the bosoms of the dead. Yoho, past +streams, in which the cattle cool their feet, and where the rushes grow; +past paddock-fences, farms, and rick-yards; past last year's stacks, +cut, slice by slice, away, and showing, in the waning light, like ruined +gables, old and brown. Yoho, down the pebbly dip, and through the merry +water-splash and up at a canter to the level road again. Yoho! Yoho! + +Was the box there, when they came up to the old finger-post? The box! +Was Mrs Lupin herself? Had she turned out magnificently as a hostess +should, in her own chaise-cart, and was she sitting in a mahogany chair, +driving her own horse Dragon (who ought to have been called Dumpling), +and looking lovely? Did the stage-coach pull up beside her, shaving her +very wheel, and even while the guard helped her man up with the trunk, +did he send the glad echoes of his bugle careering down the chimneys of +the distant Pecksniff, as if the coach expressed its exultation in the +rescue of Tom Pinch? + +'This is kind indeed!' said Tom, bending down to shake hands with her. +'I didn't mean to give you this trouble.' + +'Trouble, Mr Pinch!' cried the hostess of the Dragon. + +'Well! It's a pleasure to you, I know,' said Tom, squeezing her hand +heartily. 'Is there any news?' + +The hostess shook her head. + +'Say you saw me,' said Tom, 'and that I was very bold and cheerful, and +not a bit down-hearted; and that I entreated her to be the same, for all +is certain to come right at last. Good-bye!' + +'You'll write when you get settled, Mr Pinch?' said Mrs Lupin. + +'When I get settled!' cried Tom, with an involuntary opening of his +eyes. 'Oh, yes, I'll write when I get settled. Perhaps I had better +write before, because I may find that it takes a little time to settle +myself; not having too much money, and having only one friend. I shall +give your love to the friend, by the way. You were always great with Mr +Westlock, you know. Good-bye!' + +'Good-bye!' said Mrs Lupin, hastily producing a basket with a long +bottle sticking out of it. 'Take this. Good-bye!' + +'Do you want me to carry it to London for you?' cried Tom. She was +already turning the chaise-cart round. + +'No, no,' said Mrs Lupin. 'It's only a little something for refreshment +on the road. Sit fast, Jack. Drive on, sir. All right! Good-bye!' + +She was a quarter of a mile off, before Tom collected himself; and then +he was waving his hand lustily; and so was she. + +'And that's the last of the old finger-post,' thought Tom, straining +his eyes, 'where I have so often stood to see this very coach go by, +and where I have parted with so many companions! I used to compare this +coach to some great monster that appeared at certain times to bear my +friends away into the world. And now it's bearing me away, to seek my +fortune, Heaven knows where and how!' + +It made Tom melancholy to picture himself walking up the lane and back +to Pecksniff's as of old; and being melancholy, he looked downwards at +the basket on his knee, which he had for the moment forgotten. + +'She is the kindest and most considerate creature in the world,' thought +Tom. 'Now I KNOW that she particularly told that man of hers not to look +at me, on purpose to prevent my throwing him a shilling! I had it ready +for him all the time, and he never once looked towards me; whereas that +man naturally, (for I know him very well,) would have done nothing but +grin and stare. Upon my word, the kindness of people perfectly melts +me.' + +Here he caught the coachman's eye. The coachman winked. 'Remarkable fine +woman for her time of life,' said the coachman. + +'I quite agree with you,' returned Tom. 'So she is.' + +'Finer than many a young 'un, I mean to say,' observed the coachman. +'Eh?' + +'Than many a young one,' Tom assented. + +'I don't care for 'em myself when they're too young,' remarked the +coachman. + +This was a matter of taste, which Tom did not feel himself called upon +to discuss. + +'You'll seldom find 'em possessing correct opinions about refreshment, +for instance, when they're too young, you know,' said the coachman; 'a +woman must have arrived at maturity, before her mind's equal to coming +provided with a basket like that.' + +'Perhaps you would like to know what it contains?' said Tom, smiling. + +As the coachman only laughed, and as Tom was curious himself, he +unpacked it, and put the articles, one by one, upon the footboard. A +cold roast fowl, a packet of ham in slices, a crusty loaf, a piece of +cheese, a paper of biscuits, half a dozen apples, a knife, some butter, +a screw of salt, and a bottle of old sherry. There was a letter besides, +which Tom put in his pocket. + +The coachman was so earnest in his approval of Mrs Lupin's provident +habits, and congratulated Torn so warmly on his good fortune, that Tom +felt it necessary, for the lady's sake, to explain that the basket was +a strictly Platonic basket, and had merely been presented to him in the +way of friendship. When he had made the statement with perfect gravity; +for he felt it incumbent on him to disabuse the mind of this lax rover +of any incorrect impressions on the subject; he signified that he would +be happy to share the gifts with him, and proposed that they should +attack the basket in a spirit of good fellowship at any time in the +course of the night which the coachman's experience and knowledge of the +road might suggest, as being best adapted to the purpose. From this time +they chatted so pleasantly together, that although Tom knew infinitely +more of unicorns than horses, the coachman informed his friend the guard +at the end of the next stage, 'that rum as the box-seat looked, he was +as good a one to go, in pint of conversation, as ever he'd wish to sit +by.' + +Yoho, among the gathering shades; making of no account the deep +reflections of the trees, but scampering on through light and darkness, +all the same, as if the light of London fifty miles away, were quite +enough to travel by, and some to spare. Yoho, beside the village green, +where cricket-players linger yet, and every little indentation made in +the fresh grass by bat or wicket, ball or player's foot, sheds out its +perfume on the night. Away with four fresh horses from the Bald-faced +Stag, where topers congregate about the door admiring; and the last +team with traces hanging loose, go roaming off towards the pond, until +observed and shouted after by a dozen throats, while volunteering boys +pursue them. Now, with a clattering of hoofs and striking out of fiery +sparks, across the old stone bridge, and down again into the shadowy +road, and through the open gate, and far away, away, into the wold. +Yoho! + +Yoho, behind there, stop that bugle for a moment! Come creeping over to +the front, along the coach-roof, guard, and make one at this basket! Not +that we slacken in our pace the while, not we; we rather put the bits +of blood upon their metal, for the greater glory of the snack. Ah! It +is long since this bottle of old wine was brought into contact with the +mellow breath of night, you may depend, and rare good stuff it is to wet +a bugler's whistle with. Only try it. Don't be afraid of turning up your +finger, Bill, another pull! Now, take your breath, and try the bugle, +Bill. There's music! There's a tone!' over the hills and far away,' +indeed. Yoho! The skittish mare is all alive to-night. Yoho! Yoho! + +See the bright moon! High up before we know it; making the earth reflect +the objects on its breast like water. Hedges, trees, low cottages, +church steeples, blighted stumps and flourishing young slips, have +all grown vain upon the sudden, and mean to contemplate their own fair +images till morning. The poplars yonder rustle that their quivering +leaves may see themselves upon the ground. Not so the oak; trembling +does not become HIM; and he watches himself in his stout old burly +steadfastness, without the motion of a twig. The moss-grown gate, +ill-poised upon its creaking hinges, crippled and decayed swings to and +fro before its glass, like some fantastic dowager; while our own ghostly +likeness travels on, Yoho! Yoho! through ditch and brake, upon the +ploughed land and the smooth, along the steep hillside and steeper wall, +as if it were a phantom-Hunter. + +Clouds too! And a mist upon the Hollow! Not a dull fog that hides it, +but a light airy gauze-like mist, which in our eyes of modest admiration +gives a new charm to the beauties it is spread before; as real gauze has +done ere now, and would again, so please you, though we were the Pope. +Yoho! Why now we travel like the Moon herself. Hiding this minute in a +grove of trees; next minute in a patch of vapour; emerging now upon our +broad clear course; withdrawing now, but always dashing on, our journey +is a counter-part of hers. Yoho! A match against the Moon! + +The beauty of the night is hardly felt, when Day comes rushing up. Yoho! +Two stages, and the country roads are almost changed to a continuous +street. Yoho, past market-gardens, rows of houses, villas, crescents, +terraces, and squares; past waggons, coaches, carts; past early workmen, +late stragglers, drunken men, and sober carriers of loads; past brick +and mortar in its every shape; and in among the rattling pavements, +where a jaunty-seat upon a coach is not so easy to preserve! Yoho, +down countless turnings, and through countless mazy ways, until an old +Innyard is gained, and Tom Pinch, getting down quite stunned and giddy, +is in London! + +'Five minutes before the time, too!' said the driver, as he received his +fee of Tom. + +'Upon my word,' said Tom, 'I should not have minded very much, if we had +been five hours after it; for at this early hour I don't know where to +go, or what to do with myself.' + +'Don't they expect you then?' inquired the driver. + +'Who?' said Tom. + +'Why them,' returned the driver. + +His mind was so clearly running on the assumption of Tom's having come +to town to see an extensive circle of anxious relations and friends, +that it would have been pretty hard work to undeceive him. Tom did not +try. He cheerfully evaded the subject, and going into the Inn, fell fast +asleep before a fire in one of the public rooms opening from the yard. +When he awoke, the people in the house were all astir, so he washed and +dressed himself; to his great refreshment after the journey; and, it +being by that time eight o'clock, went forth at once to see his old +friend John. + +John Westlock lived in Furnival's Inn, High Holborn, which was within a +quarter of an hour's walk of Tom's starting-point, but seemed a long way +off, by reason of his going two or three miles out of the straight road +to make a short cut. When at last he arrived outside John's door, two +stories up, he stood faltering with his hand upon the knocker, and +trembled from head to foot. For he was rendered very nervous by the +thought of having to relate what had fallen out between himself and +Pecksniff; and he had a misgiving that John would exult fearfully in the +disclosure. + +'But it must be made,' thought Tom, 'sooner or later; and I had better +get it over.' + +Rat tat. + +'I am afraid that's not a London knock,' thought Tom. 'It didn't sound +bold. Perhaps that's the reason why nobody answers the door.' + +It is quite certain that nobody came, and that Tom stood looking at the +knocker; wondering whereabouts in the neighbourhood a certain gentleman +resided, who was roaring out to somebody 'Come in!' with all his might. + +'Bless my soul!' thought Tom at last. 'Perhaps he lives here, and is +calling to me. I never thought of that. Can I open the door from the +outside, I wonder. Yes, to be sure I can.' + +To be sure he could, by turning the handle; and to be sure when he did +turn it the same voice came rushing out, crying 'Why don't you come +in? Come in, do you hear? What are you standing there for?'--quite +violently. + +Tom stepped from the little passage into the room from which these +sounds proceeded, and had barely caught a glimpse of a gentleman in a +dressing-gown and slippers (with his boots beside him ready to put on), +sitting at his breakfast with a newspaper in his hand, when the said +gentleman, at the imminent hazard of oversetting his tea-table, made a +plunge at Tom, and hugged him. + +'Why, Tom, my boy!' cried the gentleman. 'Tom!' + +'How glad I am to see you, Mr Westlock!' said Tom Pinch, shaking both +his hands, and trembling more than ever. 'How kind you are!' + +'Mr Westlock!' repeated John, 'what do you mean by that, Pinch? You have +not forgotten my Christian name, I suppose?' + +'No, John, no. I have not forgotten,' said Thomas Pinch. 'Good gracious +me, how kind you are!' + +'I never saw such a fellow in all my life!' cried John. 'What do you +mean by saying THAT over and over again? What did you expect me to be, I +wonder! Here, sit down, Tom, and be a reasonable creature. How are you, +my boy? I am delighted to see you!' + +'And I am delighted to see YOU,' said Tom. + +'It's mutual, of course,' returned John. 'It always was, I hope. If +I had known you had been coming, Tom, I would have had something for +breakfast. I would rather have such a surprise than the best breakfast +in the world, myself; but yours is another case, and I have no doubt you +are as hungry as a hunter. You must make out as well as you can, Tom, +and we'll recompense ourselves at dinner-time. You take sugar, I know; +I recollect the sugar at Pecksniff's. Ha, ha, ha! How IS Pecksniff? When +did you come to town? DO begin at something or other, Tom. There are +only scraps here, but they are not at all bad. Boar's Head potted. Try +it, Tom. Make a beginning whatever you do. What an old Blade you are! I +am delighted to see you.' + +While he delivered himself of these words in a state of great commotion, +John was constantly running backwards and forwards to and from the +closet, bringing out all sorts of things in pots, scooping extraordinary +quantities of tea out of the caddy, dropping French rolls into his +boots, pouring hot water over the butter, and making a variety of +similar mistakes without disconcerting himself in the least. + +'There!' said John, sitting down for the fiftieth time, and instantly +starting up again to make some other addition to the breakfast. 'Now we +are as well off as we are likely to be till dinner. And now let us have +the news, Tom. Imprimis, how's Pecksniff?' + +'I don't know how he is,' was Tom's grave answer. + +John Westlock put the teapot down, and looked at him, in astonishment. + +'I don't know how he is,' said Thomas Pinch; 'and, saving that I wish +him no ill, I don't care. I have left him, John. I have left him for +ever.' + +'Voluntarily?' + +'Why, no, for he dismissed me. But I had first found out that I was +mistaken in him; and I could not have remained with him under any +circumstances. I grieve to say that you were right in your estimate of +his character. It may be a ridiculous weakness, John, but it has been +very painful and bitter to me to find this out, I do assure you.' + +Tom had no need to direct that appealing look towards his friend, in +mild and gentle deprecation of his answering with a laugh. John Westlock +would as soon have thought of striking him down upon the floor. + +'It was all a dream of mine,' said Tom, 'and it is over. I'll tell you +how it happened, at some other time. Bear with my folly, John. I do not, +just now, like to think or speak about it.' + +'I swear to you, Tom,' returned his friend, with great earnestness of +manner, after remaining silent for a few moments, 'that when I see, as +I do now, how deeply you feel this, I don't know whether to be glad or +sorry that you have made the discovery at last. I reproach myself with +the thought that I ever jested on the subject; I ought to have known +better.' + +'My dear friend,' said Tom, extending his hand, 'it is very generous and +gallant in you to receive me and my disclosure in this spirit; it makes +me blush to think that I should have felt a moment's uneasiness as I +came along. You can't think what a weight is lifted off my mind,' said +Tom, taking up his knife and fork again, and looking very cheerful. 'I +shall punish the Boar's Head dreadfully.' + +The host, thus reminded of his duties, instantly betook himself to +piling up all kinds of irreconcilable and contradictory viands in Tom's +plate, and a very capital breakfast Tom made, and very much the better +for it Tom felt. + +'That's all right,' said John, after contemplating his visitor's +proceedings with infinite satisfaction. 'Now, about our plans. You are +going to stay with me, of course. Where's your box?' + +'It's at the Inn,' said Tom. 'I didn't intend--' + +'Never mind what you didn't intend,' John Westlock interposed. 'What you +DID intend is more to the purpose. You intended, in coming here, to ask +my advice, did you not, Tom?' + +'Certainly.' + +'And to take it when I gave it to you?' + +'Yes,' rejoined Tom, smiling, 'if it were good advice, which, being +yours, I have no doubt it will be.' + +'Very well. Then don't be an obstinate old humbug in the outset, Tom, or +I shall shut up shop and dispense none of that invaluable commodity. You +are on a visit to me. I wish I had an organ for you, Tom!' + +'So do the gentlemen downstairs, and the gentlemen overhead I have no +doubt,' was Tom's reply. + +'Let me see. In the first place, you will wish to see your sister this +morning,' pursued his friend, 'and of course you will like to go there +alone. I'll walk part of the way with you; and see about a little +business of my own, and meet you here again in the afternoon. Put that +in your pocket, Tom. It's only the key of the door. If you come home +first you'll want it.' + +'Really,' said Tom, 'quartering one's self upon a friend in this way--' + +'Why, there are two keys,' interposed John Westlock. 'I can't open the +door with them both at once, can I? What a ridiculous fellow you are, +Tom? Nothing particular you'd like for dinner, is there?' + +'Oh dear no,' said Tom. + +'Very well, then you may as well leave it to me. Have a glass of cherry +brandy, Tom?' + +'Not a drop! What remarkable chambers these are!' said Pinch 'there's +everything in 'em!' + +'Bless your soul, Tom, nothing but a few little bachelor contrivances! +the sort of impromptu arrangements that might have suggested themselves +to Philip Quarll or Robinson Crusoe, that's all. What do you say? Shall +we walk?' + +'By all means,' cried Tom. 'As soon as you like.' + +Accordingly John Westlock took the French rolls out of his boots, and +put his boots on, and dressed himself; giving Tom the paper to read in +the meanwhile. When he returned, equipped for walking, he found Tom in a +brown study, with the paper in his hand. + +'Dreaming, Tom?' + +'No,' said Mr Pinch, 'No. I have been looking over the advertising +sheet, thinking there might be something in it which would be likely +to suit me. But, as I often think, the strange thing seems to be that +nobody is suited. Here are all kinds of employers wanting all sorts of +servants, and all sorts of servants wanting all kinds of employers, and +they never seem to come together. Here is a gentleman in a public office +in a position of temporary difficulty, who wants to borrow five hundred +pounds; and in the very next advertisement here is another gentleman who +has got exactly that sum to lend. But he'll never lend it to him, John, +you'll find! Here is a lady possessing a moderate independence, who +wants to board and lodge with a quiet, cheerful family; and here is a +family describing themselves in those very words, "a quiet, cheerful +family," who want exactly such a lady to come and live with them. But +she'll never go, John! Neither do any of these single gentlemen who want +an airy bedroom, with the occasional use of a parlour, ever appear to +come to terms with these other people who live in a rural situation +remarkable for its bracing atmosphere, within five minutes' walk of +the Royal Exchange. Even those letters of the alphabet who are always +running away from their friends and being entreated at the tops of +columns to come back, never DO come back, if we may judge from the +number of times they are asked to do it and don't. It really seems,' +said Tom, relinquishing the paper with a thoughtful sigh, 'as if people +had the same gratification in printing their complaints as in making +them known by word of mouth; as if they found it a comfort and +consolation to proclaim "I want such and such a thing, and I can't get +it, and I don't expect I ever shall!"' + +John Westlock laughed at the idea, and they went out together. So many +years had passed since Tom was last in London, and he had known so +little of it then, that his interest in all he saw was very great. He +was particularly anxious, among other notorious localities, to have +those streets pointed out to him which were appropriated to the +slaughter of countrymen; and was quite disappointed to find, after +half-an-hour's walking, that he hadn't had his pocket picked. But +on John Westlock's inventing a pickpocket for his gratification, and +pointing out a highly respectable stranger as one of that fraternity, he +was much delighted. + +His friend accompanied him to within a short distance of Camberwell +and having put him beyond the possibility of mistaking the wealthy +brass-and-copper founder's, left him to make his visit. Arriving before +the great bell-handle, Tom gave it a gentle pull. The porter appeared. + +'Pray does Miss Pinch live here?' said Tom. + +'Miss Pinch is governess here,' replied the porter. + +At the same time he looked at Tom from head to foot, as if he would have +said, 'You are a nice man, YOU are; where did YOU come from?' + +'It's the same young lady,' said Tom. 'It's quite right. Is she at +home?' + +'I don't know, I'm sure,' rejoined the porter. + +'Do you think you could have the goodness to ascertain?' said Tom. He +had quite a delicacy in offering the suggestion, for the possibility +of such a step did not appear to present itself to the porter's mind at +all. + +The fact was that the porter in answering the gate-bell had, according +to usage, rung the house-bell (for it is as well to do these things in +the Baronial style while you are about it), and that there the functions +of his office had ceased. Being hired to open and shut the gate, and +not to explain himself to strangers, he left this little incident to be +developed by the footman with the tags, who, at this juncture, called +out from the door steps: + +'Hollo, there! wot are you up to? This way, young man!' + +'Oh!' said Tom, hurrying towards him. 'I didn't observe that there was +anybody else. Pray is Miss Pinch at home?' + +'She's IN,' replied the footman. As much as to say to Tom: 'But if you +think she has anything to do with the proprietorship of this place you +had better abandon that idea.' + +'I wish to see her, if you please,' said Tom. + +The footman, being a lively young man, happened to have his attention +caught at that moment by the flight of a pigeon, in which he took so +warm an interest that his gaze was rivetted on the bird until it was +quite out of sight. He then invited Tom to come in, and showed him into +a parlour. + +'Hany neem?' said the young man, pausing languidly at the door. + +It was a good thought; because without providing the stranger, in case +he should happen to be of a warm temper, with a sufficient excuse for +knocking him down, it implied this young man's estimate of his quality, +and relieved his breast of the oppressive burden of rating him in secret +as a nameless and obscure individual. + +'Say her brother, if you please,' said Tom. + +'Mother?' drawled the footman. + +'Brother,' repeated Tom, slightly raising his voice. 'And if you will +say, in the first instance, a gentleman, and then say her brother, +I shall be obliged to you, as she does not expect me or know I am in +London, and I do not wish to startle her.' + +The young man's interest in Tom's observations had ceased long before +this time, but he kindly waited until now; when, shutting the door, he +withdrew. + +'Dear me!' said Tom. 'This is very disrespectful and uncivil behaviour. +I hope these are new servants here, and that Ruth is very differently +treated.' + +His cogitations were interrupted by the sound of voices in the adjoining +room. They seemed to be engaged in high dispute, or in indignant +reprimand of some offender; and gathering strength occasionally, broke +out into a perfect whirlwind. It was in one of these gusts, as it +appeared to Tom, that the footman announced him; for an abrupt and +unnatural calm took place, and then a dead silence. He was standing +before the window, wondering what domestic quarrel might have caused +these sounds, and hoping Ruth had nothing to do with it, when the door +opened, and his sister ran into his arms. + +'Why, bless my soul!' said Tom, looking at her with great pride, when +they had tenderly embraced each other, 'how altered you are Ruth! I +should scarcely have known you, my love, if I had seen you anywhere +else, I declare! You are so improved,' said Tom, with inexpressible +delight; 'you are so womanly; you are so--positively, you know, you are +so handsome!' + +'If YOU think so Tom--' + +'Oh, but everybody must think so, you know,' said Tom, gently smoothing +down her hair. 'It's matter of fact; not opinion. But what's the +matter?' said Tom, looking at her more intently, 'how flushed you are! +and you have been crying.' + +'No, I have not, Tom.' + +'Nonsense,' said her brother stoutly. 'That's a story. Don't tell me! I +know better. What is it, dear? I'm not with Mr Pecksniff now. I am going +to try and settle myself in London; and if you are not happy here (as I +very much fear you are not, for I begin to think you have been deceiving +me with the kindest and most affectionate intention) you shall not +remain here.' + +Oh! Tom's blood was rising; mind that! Perhaps the Boar's Head had +something to do with it, but certainly the footman had. So had the sight +of his pretty sister--a great deal to do with it. Tom could bear a good +deal himself, but he was proud of her, and pride is a sensitive thing. +He began to think, 'there are more Pecksniffs than one, perhaps,' and by +all the pins and needles that run up and down in angry veins, Tom was in +a most unusual tingle all at once! + +'We will talk about it, Tom,' said Ruth, giving him another kiss to +pacify him. 'I am afraid I cannot stay here.' + +'Cannot!' replied Tom. 'Why then, you shall not, my love. Heyday! You +are not an object of charity! Upon my word!' + +Tom was stopped in these exclamations by the footman, who brought a +message from his master, importing that he wished to speak with him +before he went, and with Miss Pinch also. + +'Show the way,' said Tom. 'I'll wait upon him at once.' + +Accordingly they entered the adjoining room from which the noise of +altercation had proceeded; and there they found a middle-aged gentleman, +with a pompous voice and manner, and a middle-aged lady, with what may +be termed an excisable face, or one in which starch and vinegar were +decidedly employed. There was likewise present that eldest pupil of Miss +Pinch, whom Mrs Todgers, on a previous occasion, had called a syrup, and +who was now weeping and sobbing spitefully. + +'My brother, sir,' said Ruth Pinch, timidly presenting Tom. + +'Oh!' cried the gentleman, surveying Tom attentively. 'You really are +Miss Pinch's brother, I presume? You will excuse my asking. I don't +observe any resemblance.' + +'Miss Pinch has a brother, I know,' observed the lady. + +'Miss Pinch is always talking about her brother, when she ought to be +engaged upon my education,' sobbed the pupil. + +'Sophia! Hold your tongue!' observed the gentleman. 'Sit down, if you +please,' addressing Tom. + +Tom sat down, looking from one face to another, in mute surprise. + +'Remain here, if you please, Miss Pinch,' pursued the gentleman, looking +slightly over his shoulder. + +Tom interrupted him here, by rising to place a chair for his sister. +Having done which he sat down again. + +'I am glad you chance to have called to see your sister to-day, sir,' +resumed the brass-and-copper founder. 'For although I do not approve, as +a principle, of any young person engaged in my family in the capacity +of a governess, receiving visitors, it happens in this case to be well +timed. I am sorry to inform you that we are not at all satisfied with +your sister.' + +'We are very much DISsatisfied with her,' observed the lady. + +'I'd never say another lesson to Miss Pinch if I was to be beat to death +for it!' sobbed the pupil. + +'Sophia!' cried her father. 'Hold your tongue!' + +'Will you allow me to inquire what your ground of dissatisfaction is?' +asked Tom. + +'Yes,' said the gentleman, 'I will. I don't recognize it as a right; +but I will. Your sister has not the slightest innate power of commanding +respect. It has been a constant source of difference between us. +Although she has been in this family for some time, and although the +young lady who is now present has almost, as it were, grown up under +her tuition, that young lady has no respect for her. Miss Pinch has +been perfectly unable to command my daughter's respect, or to win my +daughter's confidence. Now,' said the gentleman, allowing the palm of +his hand to fall gravely down upon the table: 'I maintain that there is +something radically wrong in that! You, as her brother, may be disposed +to deny it--' + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Tom. 'I am not at all disposed to +deny it. I am sure that there is something radically wrong; radically +monstrous, in that.' + +'Good Heavens!' cried the gentleman, looking round the room with +dignity, 'what do I find to be the case! what results obtrude themselves +upon me as flowing from this weakness of character on the part of +Miss Pinch! What are my feelings as a father, when, after my desire +(repeatedly expressed to Miss Pinch, as I think she will not venture to +deny) that my daughter should be choice in her expressions, genteel in +her deportment, as becomes her station in life, and politely distant to +her inferiors in society, I find her, only this very morning, addressing +Miss Pinch herself as a beggar!' + +'A beggarly thing,' observed the lady, in correction. + +'Which is worse,' said the gentleman, triumphantly; 'which is worse. A +beggarly thing. A low, coarse, despicable expression!' + +'Most despicable,' cried Tom. 'I am glad to find that there is a just +appreciation of it here.' + +'So just, sir,' said the gentleman, lowering his voice to be the more +impressive. 'So just, that, but for my knowing Miss Pinch to be an +unprotected young person, an orphan, and without friends, I would, as +I assured Miss Pinch, upon my veracity and personal character, a few +minutes ago, I would have severed the connection between us at that +moment and from that time.' + +'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, rising from his seat; for he was now +unable to contain himself any longer; 'don't allow such considerations +as those to influence you, pray. They don't exist, sir. She is not +unprotected. She is ready to depart this instant. Ruth, my dear, get +your bonnet on!' + +'Oh, a pretty family!' cried the lady. 'Oh, he's her brother! There's no +doubt about that!' + +'As little doubt, madam,' said Tom, 'as that the young lady yonder is +the child of your teaching, and not my sister's. Ruth, my dear, get your +bonnet on!' + +'When you say, young man,' interposed the brass-and-copper founder, +haughtily, 'with that impertinence which is natural to you, and which I +therefore do not condescend to notice further, that the young lady, my +eldest daughter, has been educated by any one but Miss Pinch, you--I +needn't proceed. You comprehend me fully. I have no doubt you are used +to it.' + +'Sir!' cried Tom, after regarding him in silence for some little time. +'If you do not understand what I mean, I will tell you. If you do +understand what I mean, I beg you not to repeat that mode of expressing +yourself in answer to it. My meaning is, that no man can expect his +children to respect what he degrades.' + +'Ha, ha, ha!' laughed the gentleman. 'Cant! cant! The common cant!' + +'The common story, sir!' said Tom; 'the story of a common mind. Your +governess cannot win the confidence and respect of your children, +forsooth! Let her begin by winning yours, and see what happens then.' + +'Miss Pinch is getting her bonnet on, I trust, my dear?' said the +gentleman. + +'I trust she is,' said Tom, forestalling the reply. 'I have no doubt +she is. In the meantime I address myself to you, sir. You made your +statement to me, sir; you required to see me for that purpose; and I +have a right to answer it. I am not loud or turbulent,' said Tom, which +was quite true, 'though I can scarcely say as much for you, in your +manner of addressing yourself to me. And I wish, on my sister's behalf, +to state the simple truth.' + +'You may state anything you like, young man,' returned the gentleman, +affecting to yawn. 'My dear, Miss Pinch's money.' + +'When you tell me,' resumed Tom, who was not the less indignant for +keeping himself quiet, 'that my sister has no innate power of commanding +the respect of your children, I must tell you it is not so; and that she +has. She is as well bred, as well taught, as well qualified by nature +to command respect, as any hirer of a governess you know. But when you +place her at a disadvantage in reference to every servant in your house, +how can you suppose, if you have the gift of common sense, that she is +not in a tenfold worse position in reference to your daughters?' + +'Pretty well! Upon my word,' exclaimed the gentleman, 'this is pretty +well!' + +'It is very ill, sir,' said Tom. 'It is very bad and mean, and wrong and +cruel. Respect! I believe young people are quick enough to observe and +imitate; and why or how should they respect whom no one else respects, +and everybody slights? And very partial they must grow--oh, very +partial!--to their studies, when they see to what a pass proficiency in +those same tasks has brought their governess! Respect! Put anything the +most deserving of respect before your daughters in the light in which +you place her, and you will bring it down as low, no matter what it is!' + +'You speak with extreme impertinence, young man,' observed the +gentleman. + +'I speak without passion, but with extreme indignation and contempt +for such a course of treatment, and for all who practice it,' said +Tom. 'Why, how can you, as an honest gentleman, profess displeasure or +surprise at your daughter telling my sister she is something beggarly +and humble, when you are for ever telling her the same thing yourself in +fifty plain, outspeaking ways, though not in words; and when your very +porter and footman make the same delicate announcement to all comers? As +to your suspicion and distrust of her; even of her word; if she is not +above their reach, you have no right to employ her.' + +'No right!' cried the brass-and-copper founder. + +'Distinctly not,' Tom answered. 'If you imagine that the payment of an +annual sum of money gives it to you, you immensely exaggerate its power +and value. Your money is the least part of your bargain in such a case. +You may be punctual in that to half a second on the clock, and yet +be Bankrupt. I have nothing more to say,' said Tom, much flushed and +flustered, now that it was over, 'except to crave permission to stand in +your garden until my sister is ready.' + +Not waiting to obtain it, Tom walked out. + +Before he had well begun to cool, his sister joined him. She was crying; +and Tom could not bear that any one about the house should see her doing +that. + +'They will think you are sorry to go,' said Tom. 'You are not sorry to +go?' + +'No, Tom, no. I have been anxious to go for a very long time.' + +'Very well, then! Don't cry!' said Tom. + +'I am so sorry for YOU, dear,' sobbed Tom's sister. + +'But you ought to be glad on my account,' said Tom. 'I shall be twice as +happy with you for a companion. Hold up your head. There! Now we go +out as we ought. Not blustering, you know, but firm and confident in +ourselves.' + +The idea of Tom and his sister blustering, under any circumstances, was +a splendid absurdity. But Tom was very far from feeling it to be so, +in his excitement; and passed out at the gate with such severe +determination written in his face that the porter hardly knew him again. + +It was not until they had walked some short distance, and Tom found +himself getting cooler and more collected, that he was quite restored to +himself by an inquiry from his sister, who said in her pleasant little +voice: + +'Where are we going, Tom?' + +'Dear me!' said Tom, stopping, 'I don't know.' + +'Don't you--don't you live anywhere, dear?' asked Tom's sister looking +wistfully in his face. + +'No,' said Tom. 'Not at present. Not exactly. I only arrived this +morning. We must have some lodgings.' + +He didn't tell her that he had been going to stay with his friend John, +and could on no account think of billeting two inmates upon him, of whom +one was a young lady; for he knew that would make her uncomfortable, +and would cause her to regard herself as being an inconvenience to him. +Neither did he like to leave her anywhere while he called on John, and +told him of this change in his arrangements; for he was delicate of +seeming to encroach upon the generous and hospitable nature of his +friend. Therefore he said again, 'We must have some lodgings, of +course;' and said it as stoutly as if he had been a perfect Directory +and Guide-Book to all the lodgings in London. + +'Where shall we go and look for 'em?' said Tom. 'What do you think?' + +Tom's sister was not much wiser on such a topic than he was. So she +squeezed her little purse into his coat-pocket, and folding the little +hand with which she did so on the other little hand with which she +clasped his arm, said nothing. + +'It ought to be a cheap neighbourhood,' said Tom, 'and not too far from +London. Let me see. Should you think Islington a good place?' + +'I should think it was an excellent place, Tom.' + +'It used to be called Merry Islington, once upon a time,' said Tom. +'Perhaps it's merry now; if so, it's all the better. Eh?' + +'If it's not too dear,' said Tom's sister. + +'Of course, if it's not too dear,' assented Tom. 'Well, where IS +Islington? We can't do better than go there, I should think. Let's go.' + +Tom's sister would have gone anywhere with him; so they walked off, arm +in arm, as comfortably as possible. Finding, presently, that Islington +was not in that neighbourhood, Tom made inquiries respecting a public +conveyance thither; which they soon obtained. As they rode along they +were very full of conversation indeed, Tom relating what had happened +to him, and Tom's sister relating what had happened to her, and both +finding a great deal more to say than time to say it in; for they had +only just begun to talk, in comparison with what they had to tell each +other, when they reached their journey's end. + +'Now,' said Tom, 'we must first look out for some very unpretending +streets, and then look out for bills in the windows.' + +So they walked off again, quite as happily as if they had just stepped +out of a snug little house of their own, to look for lodgings on account +of somebody else. Tom's simplicity was unabated, Heaven knows; but +now that he had somebody to rely upon him, he was stimulated to rely a +little more upon himself, and was, in his own opinion, quite a desperate +fellow. + +After roaming up and down for hours, looking at some scores of lodgings, +they began to find it rather fatiguing, especially as they saw none +which were at all adapted to their purpose. At length, however, in a +singular little old-fashioned house, up a blind street, they discovered +two small bedrooms and a triangular parlour, which promised to suit +them well enough. Their desiring to take possession immediately was a +suspicious circumstance, but even this was surmounted by the payment +of their first week's rent, and a reference to John Westlock, Esquire, +Furnival's Inn, High Holborn. + +Ah! It was a goodly sight, when this important point was settled, +to behold Tom and his sister trotting round to the baker's, and the +butcher's, and the grocer's, with a kind of dreadful delight in the +unaccustomed cares of housekeeping; taking secret counsel together as +they gave their small orders, and distracted by the least suggestion +on the part of the shopkeeper! When they got back to the triangular +parlour, and Tom's sister, bustling to and fro, busy about a thousand +pleasant nothings, stopped every now and then to give old Tom a kiss or +smile upon him, Tom rubbed his hands as if all Islington were his. + +It was late in the afternoon now, though, and high time for Tom to +keep his appointment. So, after agreeing with his sister that +in consideration of not having dined, they would venture on the +extravagance of chops for supper at nine, he walked out again to narrate +these marvellous occurrences to John. + +'I am quite a family man all at once,' thought Tom. 'If I can only get +something to do, how comfortable Ruth and I may be! Ah, that if! +But it's of no use to despond. I can but do that, when I have tried +everything and failed; and even then it won't serve me much. Upon my +word,' thought Tom, quickening his pace, 'I don't know what John will +think has become of me. He'll begin to be afraid I have strayed into one +of those streets where the countrymen are murdered; and that I have been +made meat pies of, or some such horrible thing.' + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN + +TOM PINCH, GOING ASTRAY, FINDS THAT HE IS NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THAT +PREDICAMENT. HE RETALIATES UPON A FALLEN FOE + + +Tom's evil genius did not lead him into the dens of any of those +preparers of cannibalic pastry, who are represented in many standard +country legends as doing a lively retail business in the Metropolis; +nor did it mark him out as the prey of ring-droppers, pea and +thimble-riggers, duffers, touters, or any of those bloodless sharpers, +who are, perhaps, a little better known to the Police. He fell into +conversation with no gentleman who took him into a public-house, where +there happened to be another gentleman who swore he had more money than +any gentleman, and very soon proved he had more money than one gentleman +by taking his away from him; neither did he fall into any other of +the numerous man-traps which are set up without notice, in the public +grounds of this city. But he lost his way. He very soon did that; and in +trying to find it again he lost it more and more. + +Now, Tom, in his guileless distrust of London, thought himself very +knowing in coming to the determination that he would not ask to be +directed to Furnival's Inn, if he could help it; unless, indeed, he +should happen to find himself near the Mint, or the Bank of England; in +which case he would step in, and ask a civil question or two, confiding +in the perfect respectability of the concern. So on he went, looking up +all the streets he came near, and going up half of them; and thus, +by dint of not being true to Goswell Street, and filing off into +Aldermanbury, and bewildering himself in Barbican, and being constant to +the wrong point of the compass in London Wall, and then getting himself +crosswise into Thames Street, by an instinct that would have been +marvellous if he had had the least desire or reason to go there, he +found himself, at last, hard by the Monument. + +The Man in the Monument was quite as mysterious a being to Tom as the +Man in the Moon. It immediately occurred to him that the lonely creature +who held himself aloof from all mankind in that pillar like some old +hermit was the very man of whom to ask his way. Cold, he might be; +little sympathy he had, perhaps, with human passion--the column seemed +too tall for that; but if Truth didn't live in the base of the Monument, +notwithstanding Pope's couplet about the outside of it, where in London +(thought Tom) was she likely to be found! + +Coming close below the pillar, it was a great encouragement to Tom to +find that the Man in the Monument had simple tastes; that stony +and artificial as his residence was, he still preserved some rustic +recollections; that he liked plants, hung up bird-cages, was not wholly +cut off from fresh groundsel, and kept young trees in tubs. The Man in +the Monument, himself, was sitting outside the door--his own door: the +Monument-door: what a grand idea!--and was actually yawning, as if there +were no Monument to stop his mouth, and give him a perpetual interest in +his own existence. + +Tom was advancing towards this remarkable creature, to inquire the way +to Furnival's Inn, when two people came to see the Monument. They were a +gentleman and a lady; and the gentleman said, 'How much a-piece?' + +The Man in the Monument replied, 'A Tanner.' + +It seemed a low expression, compared with the Monument. + +The gentleman put a shilling into his hand, and the Man in the Monument +opened a dark little door. When the gentleman and lady had passed out of +view, he shut it again, and came slowly back to his chair. + +He sat down and laughed. + +'They don't know what a many steps there is!' he said. 'It's worth twice +the money to stop here. Oh, my eye!' + +The Man in the Monument was a Cynic; a worldly man! Tom couldn't ask his +way of HIM. He was prepared to put no confidence in anything he said. + +'My gracious!' cried a well-known voice behind Mr Pinch. 'Why, to be +sure it is!' + +At the same time he was poked in the back by a parasol. Turning round +to inquire into this salute, he beheld the eldest daughter of his late +patron. + +'Miss Pecksniff!' said Tom. + +'Why, my goodness, Mr Pinch!' cried Cherry. 'What are you doing here?' + +'I have rather wandered from my way,' said Tom. 'I--' + +'I hope you have run away,' said Charity. 'It would be quite spirited +and proper if you had, when my Papa so far forgets himself.' + +'I have left him,' returned Tom. 'But it was perfectly understood on +both sides. It was not done clandestinely.' + +'Is he married?' asked Cherry, with a spasmodic shake of her chin. + +'No, not yet,' said Tom, colouring; 'to tell you the truth, I don't +think he is likely to be, if--if Miss Graham is the object of his +passion.' + +'Tcha, Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with sharp impatience, 'you're very +easily deceived. You don't know the arts of which such a creature is +capable. Oh! it's a wicked world.' + +'You are not married?' Tom hinted, to divert the conversation. + +'N--no!' said Cherry, tracing out one particular paving-stone in +Monument Yard with the end of her parasol. 'I--but really it's quite +impossible to explain. Won't you walk in?' + +'You live here, then?' said Tom + +'Yes,' returned Miss Pecksniff, pointing with her parasol to Todgers's; +'I reside with this lady, AT PRESENT.' + +The great stress on the two last words suggested to Tom that he was +expected to say something in reference to them. So he said. + +'Only at present! Are you going home again soon?' + +'No, Mr Pinch,' returned Charity. 'No, thank you. No! A mother-in-law +who is younger than--I mean to say, who is as nearly as possible about +the same age as one's self, would not quite suit my spirit. Not quite!' +said Cherry, with a spiteful shiver. + +'I thought from your saying "at present"'--Tom observed. + +'Really, upon my word! I had no idea you would press me so very closely +on the subject, Mr Pinch,' said Charity, blushing, 'or I should not have +been so foolish as to allude to--oh really!--won't you walk in?' + +Tom mentioned, to excuse himself, that he had an appointment in +Furnival's Inn, and that coming from Islington he had taken a few wrong +turnings, and arrived at the Monument instead. Miss Pecksniff simpered +very much when he asked her if she knew the way to Furnival's Inn, and +at length found courage to reply. + +'A gentleman who is a friend of mine, or at least who is not exactly a +friend so much as a sort of acquaintance--Oh upon my word, I hardly +know what I say, Mr Pinch; you mustn't suppose there is any engagement +between us; or at least if there is, that it is at all a settled thing +as yet--is going to Furnival's Inn immediately, I believe upon a little +business, and I am sure he would be very glad to accompany you, so as +to prevent your going wrong again. You had better walk in. You will very +likely find my sister Merry here,' she said with a curious toss of her +head, and anything but an agreeable smile. + +'Then, I think, I'll endeavour to find my way alone,' said Tom, 'for I +fear she would not be very glad to see me. That unfortunate occurrence, +in relation to which you and I had some amicable words together, in +private, is not likely to have impressed her with any friendly feeling +towards me. Though it really was not my fault.' + +'She has never heard of that, you may depend,' said Cherry, gathering up +the corners of her mouth, and nodding at Tom. 'I am far from sure that +she would bear you any mighty ill will for it, if she had.' + +'You don't say so?' cried Tom, who was really concerned by this +insinuation. + +'I say nothing,' said Charity. 'If I had not already known what shocking +things treachery and deceit are in themselves, Mr Pinch, I might perhaps +have learnt it from the success they meet with--from the success they +meet with.' Here she smiled as before. 'But I don't say anything. On the +contrary, I should scorn it. You had better walk in!' + +There was something hidden here, which piqued Tom's interest and +troubled his tender heart. When, in a moment's irresolution, he looked +at Charity, he could not but observe a struggle in her face between +a sense of triumph and a sense of shame; nor could he but remark how, +meeting even his eyes, which she cared so little for, she turned away +her own, for all the splenetic defiance in her manner. + +An uneasy thought entered Tom's head; a shadowy misgiving that the +altered relations between himself and Pecksniff were somehow to involve +an altered knowledge on his part of other people, and were to give him +an insight into much of which he had had no previous suspicion. And yet +he put no definite construction upon Charity's proceedings. He certainly +had no idea that as he had been the audience and spectator of her +mortification, she grasped with eager delight at any opportunity of +reproaching her sister with his presence in HER far deeper misery; for +he knew nothing of it, and only pictured that sister as the same giddy, +careless, trivial creature she always had been, with the same slight +estimation of himself which she had never been at the least pains +to conceal. In short, he had merely a confused impression that Miss +Pecksniff was not quite sisterly or kind; and being curious to set it +right, accompanied her as she desired. + +The house-door being opened, she went in before Tom, requesting him to +follow her; and led the way to the parlour door. + +'Oh, Merry!' she said, looking in, 'I am so glad you have not gone home. +Who do you think I have met in the street, and brought to see you! Mr +Pinch! There. Now you ARE surprised, I am sure!' + +Not more surprised than Tom was, when he looked upon her. Not so much. +Not half so much. + +'Mr Pinch has left Papa, my dear,' said Cherry, 'and his prospects are +quite flourishing. I have promised that Augustus, who is going that way, +shall escort him to the place he wants. Augustus, my child, where are +you?' + +With these words Miss Pecksniff screamed her way out of the parlour, +calling on Augustus Moddle to appear; and left Tom Pinch alone with her +sister. + +If she had always been his kindest friend; if she had treated him +through all his servitude with such consideration as was never yet +received by struggling man; if she had lightened every moment of those +many years, and had ever spared and never wounded him; his honest heart +could not have swelled before her with a deeper pity, or a purer freedom +from all base remembrance than it did then. + +'My gracious me! You are really the last person in the world I should +have thought of seeing, I am sure!' + +Tom was sorry to hear her speaking in her old manner. He had not +expected that. Yet he did not feel it a contradiction that he should be +sorry to see her so unlike her old self, and sorry at the same time +to hear her speaking in her old manner. The two things seemed quite +natural. + +'I wonder you find any gratification in coming to see me. I can't think +what put it in your head. I never had much in seeing you. There was no +love lost between us, Mr Pinch, at any time, I think.' + +Her bonnet lay beside her on the sofa, and she was very busy with the +ribbons as she spoke. Much too busy to be conscious of the work her +fingers did. + +'We never quarrelled,' said Tom.--Tom was right in that, for one person +can no more quarrel without an adversary, than one person can play at +chess, or fight a duel. 'I hoped you would be glad to shake hands with +an old friend. Don't let us rake up bygones,' said Tom. 'If I ever +offended you, forgive me.' + +She looked at him for a moment; dropped her bonnet from her hands; +spread them before her altered face, and burst into tears. + +'Oh, Mr Pinch!' she said, 'although I never used you well, I did believe +your nature was forgiving. I did not think you could be cruel.' + +She spoke as little like her old self now, for certain, as Tom +could possibly have wished. But she seemed to be appealing to him +reproachfully, and he did not understand her. + +'I seldom showed it--never--I know that. But I had that belief in you, +that if I had been asked to name the person in the world least likely to +retort upon me, I would have named you, confidently.' + +'Would have named me!' Tom repeated. + +'Yes,' she said with energy, 'and I have often thought so.' + +After a moment's reflection, Tom sat himself upon a chair beside her. + +'Do you believe,' said Tom, 'oh, can you think, that what I said just +now, I said with any but the true and plain intention which my words +professed? I mean it, in the spirit and the letter. If I ever offended +you, forgive me; I may have done so, many times. You never injured or +offended me. How, then, could I possibly retort, if even I were stern +and bad enough to wish to do it!' + +After a little while she thanked him, through her tears and sobs, and +told him she had never been at once so sorry and so comforted, since she +left home. Still she wept bitterly; and it was the greater pain to Tom +to see her weeping, from her standing in especial need, just then, of +sympathy and tenderness. + +'Come, come!' said Tom, 'you used to be as cheerful as the day was +long.' + +'Ah! used!' she cried, in such a tone as rent Tom's heart. + +'And will be again,' said Tom. + +'No, never more. No, never, never more. If you should talk with old Mr +Chuzzlewit, at any time,' she added, looking hurriedly into his face--'I +sometimes thought he liked you, but suppressed it--will you promise me +to tell him that you saw me here, and that I said I bore in mind the +time we talked together in the churchyard?' + +Tom promised that he would. + +'Many times since then, when I have wished I had been carried there +before that day, I have recalled his words. I wish that he should know +how true they were, although the least acknowledgment to that effect has +never passed my lips and never will.' + +Tom promised this, conditionally too. He did not tell her how improbable +it was that he and the old man would ever meet again, because he thought +it might disturb her more. + +'If he should ever know this, through your means, dear Mr Pinch,' said +Mercy, 'tell him that I sent the message, not for myself, but that he +might be more forbearing and more patient, and more trustful to some +other person, in some other time of need. Tell him that if he could know +how my heart trembled in the balance that day, and what a very little +would have turned the scale, his own would bleed with pity for me.' + +'Yes, yes,' said Tom, 'I will.' + +'When I appeared to him the most unworthy of his help, I was--I know I +was, for I have often, often, thought about it since--the most inclined +to yield to what he showed me. Oh! if he had relented but a little more; +if he had thrown himself in my way for but one other quarter of an hour; +if he had extended his compassion for a vain, unthinking, miserable +girl, in but the least degree; he might, and I believe he would, have +saved her! Tell him that I don't blame him, but am grateful for the +effort that he made; but ask him for the love of God, and youth, and +in merciful consideration for the struggle which an ill-advised and +unwakened nature makes to hide the strength it thinks its weakness--ask +him never, never, to forget this, when he deals with one again!' + +Although Tom did not hold the clue to her full meaning, he could guess +it pretty nearly. Touched to the quick, he took her hand and said, or +meant to say, some words of consolation. She felt and understood them, +whether they were spoken or no. He was not quite certain, afterwards, +but that she had tried to kneel down at his feet, and bless him. + +He found that he was not alone in the room when she had left it. Mrs +Todgers was there, shaking her head. Tom had never seen Mrs Todgers, it +is needless to say, but he had a perception of her being the lady of the +house; and he saw some genuine compassion in her eyes, that won his good +opinion. + +'Ah, sir! You are an old friend, I see,' said Mrs Todgers. + +'Yes,' said Tom. + +'And yet,' quoth Mrs Todgers, shutting the door softly, 'she hasn't told +you what her troubles are, I'm certain.' + +Tom was struck by these words, for they were quite true. 'Indeed,' he +said, 'she has not.' + +'And never would,' said Mrs Todgers, 'if you saw her daily. She never +makes the least complaint to me, or utters a single word of explanation +or reproach. But I know,' said Mrs Todgers, drawing in her breath, 'I +know!' + +Tom nodded sorrowfully, 'So do I.' + +'I fully believe,' said Mrs Todgers, taking her pocket-handkerchief +from the flat reticule, 'that nobody can tell one half of what that poor +young creature has to undergo. But though she comes here, constantly, +to ease her poor full heart without his knowing it; and saying, "Mrs +Todgers, I am very low to-day; I think that I shall soon be dead," sits +crying in my room until the fit is past; I know no more from her. And, +I believe,' said Mrs Todgers, putting back her handkerchief again, 'that +she considers me a good friend too.' + +Mrs Todgers might have said her best friend. Commercial gentlemen and +gravy had tried Mrs Todgers's temper; the main chance--it was such a +very small one in her case, that she might have been excused for looking +sharp after it, lest it should entirely vanish from her sight--had taken +a firm hold on Mrs Todgers's attention. But in some odd nook in Mrs +Todgers's breast, up a great many steps, and in a corner easy to be +overlooked, there was a secret door, with 'Woman' written on the spring, +which, at a touch from Mercy's hand, had flown wide open, and admitted +her for shelter. + +When boarding-house accounts are balanced with all other ledgers, and +the books of the Recording Angel are made up for ever, perhaps there may +be seen an entry to thy credit, lean Mrs Todgers, which shall make thee +beautiful! + +She was growing beautiful so rapidly in Tom's eyes; for he saw that she +was poor, and that this good had sprung up in her from among the sordid +strivings of her life; that she might have been a very Venus in a minute +more, if Miss Pecksniff had not entered with her friend. + +'Mr Thomas Pinch!' said Charity, performing the ceremony of introduction +with evident pride. 'Mr Moddle. Where's my sister?' + +'Gone, Miss Pecksniff,' Mrs Todgers answered. 'She had appointed to be +home.' + +'Ah!' said Charity, looking at Tom. 'Oh, dear me!' + +'She's greatly altered since she's been Anoth--since she's been married, +Mrs Todgers!' observed Moddle. + +'My dear Augustus!' said Miss Pecksniff, in a low voice. 'I verily +believe you have said that fifty thousand times, in my hearing. What a +Prose you are!' + +This was succeeded by some trifling love passages, which appeared to +originate with, if not to be wholly carried on by Miss Pecksniff. At any +rate, Mr Moddle was much slower in his responses than is customary +with young lovers, and exhibited a lowness of spirits which was quite +oppressive. + +He did not improve at all when Tom and he were in the streets, but +sighed so dismally that it was dreadful to hear him. As a means of +cheering him up, Tom told him that he wished him joy. + +'Joy!' cried Moddle. 'Ha, ha!' + +'What an extraordinary young man!' thought Tom. + +'The Scorner has not set his seal upon you. YOU care what becomes of +you?' said Moddle. + +Tom admitted that it was a subject in which he certainly felt some +interest. + +'I don't,' said Mr Moddle. 'The Elements may have me when they please. +I'm ready.' + +Tom inferred from these, and other expressions of the same nature, that +he was jealous. Therefore he allowed him to take his own course; which +was such a gloomy one, that he felt a load removed from his mind when +they parted company at the gate of Furnival's Inn. + +It was now a couple of hours past John Westlock's dinner-time; and he +was walking up and down the room, quite anxious for Tom's safety. The +table was spread; the wine was carefully decanted; and the dinner smelt +delicious. + +'Why, Tom, old boy, where on earth have you been? Your box is here. Get +your boots off instantly, and sit down!' + +'I am sorry to say I can't stay, John,' replied Tom Pinch, who was +breathless with the haste he had made in running up the stairs. + +'Can't stay!' + +'If you'll go on with your dinner,' said Tom, 'I'll tell you my reason +the while. I mustn't eat myself, or I shall have no appetite for the +chops.' + +'There are no chops here, my food fellow.' + +'No. But there are at Islington,' said Tom. + +John Westlock was perfectly confounded by this reply, and vowed he would +not touch a morsel until Tom had explained himself fully. So Tom sat +down, and told him all; to which he listened with the greatest interest. + +He knew Tom too well, and respected his delicacy too much, to ask him +why he had taken these measures without communicating with him first. He +quite concurred in the expediency of Tom's immediately returning to his +sister, as he knew so little of the place in which he had left her, and +good-humouredly proposed to ride back with him in a cab, in which he +might convey his box. Tom's proposition that he should sup with them +that night, he flatly rejected, but made an appointment with him for the +morrow. 'And now Tom,' he said, as they rode along, 'I have a question +to ask you to which I expect a manly and straightforward answer. Do you +want any money? I am pretty sure you do.' + +'I don't indeed,' said Tom. + +'I believe you are deceiving me.' + +'No. With many thanks to you, I am quite in earnest,' Tom replied. 'My +sister has some money, and so have I. If I had nothing else, John, I +have a five-pound note, which that good creature, Mrs Lupin, of the +Dragon, handed up to me outside the coach, in a letter begging me to +borrow it; and then drove off as hard as she could go.' + +'And a blessing on every dimple in her handsome face, say I!' cried +John, 'though why you should give her the preference over me, I don't +know. Never mind. I bide my time, Tom.' + +'And I hope you'll continue to bide it,' returned Tom, gayly. 'For I +owe you more, already, in a hundred other ways, than I can ever hope to +pay.' + +They parted at the door of Tom's new residence. John Westlock, sitting +in the cab, and, catching a glimpse of a blooming little busy creature +darting out to kiss Tom and to help him with his box, would not have had +the least objection to change places with him. + +Well! she WAS a cheerful little thing; and had a quaint, bright +quietness about her that was infinitely pleasant. Surely she was the +best sauce for chops ever invented. The potatoes seemed to take a +pleasure in sending up their grateful steam before her; the froth upon +the pint of porter pouted to attract her notice. But it was all in vain. +She saw nothing but Tom. Tom was the first and last thing in the world. + +As she sat opposite to Tom at supper, fingering one of Tom's pet tunes +upon the table-cloth, and smiling in his face, he had never been so +happy in his life. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT + +SECRET SERVICE + + +In walking from the city with his sentimental friend, Tom Pinch had +looked into the face, and brushed against the threadbare sleeve, of Mr +Nadgett, man of mystery to the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and +Life Assurance Company. Mr Nadgett naturally passed away from Tom's +remembrance as he passed out of his view; for he didn't know him, and +had never heard his name. + +As there are a vast number of people in the huge metropolis of England +who rise up every morning not knowing where their heads will rest at +night, so there are a multitude who shooting arrows over houses as their +daily business, never know on whom they fall. Mr Nadgett might have +passed Tom Pinch ten thousand times; might even have been quite familiar +with his face, his name, pursuits, and character; yet never once have +dreamed that Tom had any interest in any act or mystery of his. Tom +might have done the like by him of course. But the same private man out +of all the men alive, was in the mind of each at the same moment; was +prominently connected though in a different manner, with the day's +adventures of both; and formed, when they passed each other in the +street, the one absorbing topic of their thoughts. + +Why Tom had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his mind requires no explanation. Why Mr +Nadgett should have had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his, is quite another thing. + +But, somehow or other, that amiable and worthy orphan had become a part +of the mystery of Mr Nadgett's existence. Mr Nadgett took an interest +in his lightest proceedings; and it never flagged or wavered. He watched +him in and out of the Assurance Office, where he was now formally +installed as a Director; he dogged his footsteps in the streets; he +stood listening when he talked; he sat in coffee-rooms entering his +name in the great pocket-book, over and over again; he wrote letters to +himself about him constantly; and, when he found them in his pocket, put +them in the fire, with such distrust and caution that he would bend down +to watch the crumpled tinder while it floated upwards, as if his mind +misgave him, that the mystery it had contained might come out at the +chimney-pot. + +And yet all this was quite a secret. Mr Nadgett kept it to himself, and +kept it close. Jonas had no more idea that Mr Nadgett's eyes were fixed +on him, than he had that he was living under the daily inspection and +report of a whole order of Jesuits. Indeed Mr Nadgett's eyes were seldom +fixed on any other objects than the ground, the clock, or the fire; but +every button on his coat might have been an eye, he saw so much. + +The secret manner of the man disarmed suspicion in this wise; +suggesting, not that he was watching any one, but that he thought +some other man was watching him. He went about so stealthily, and kept +himself so wrapped up in himself, that the whole object of his life +appeared to be, to avoid notice and preserve his own mystery. Jonas +sometimes saw him in the street, hovering in the outer office, waiting +at the door for the man who never came, or slinking off with his +immovable face and drooping head, and the one beaver glove dangling +before him; but he would as soon have thought of the cross upon the top +of St. Paul's Cathedral taking note of what he did, or slowly winding +a great net about his feet, as of Nadgett's being engaged in such an +occupation. + +Mr Nadgett made a mysterious change about this time in his mysterious +life: for whereas he had, until now, been first seen every morning +coming down Cornhill, so exactly like the Nadgett of the day before +as to occasion a popular belief that he never went to bed or took his +clothes off, he was now first seen in Holborn, coming out of Kingsgate +Street; and it was soon discovered that he actually went every morning +to a barber's shop in that street to get shaved; and that the barber's +name was Sweedlepipe. He seemed to make appointments with the man who +never came, to meet him at this barber's; for he would frequently take +long spells of waiting in the shop, and would ask for pen and ink, and +pull out his pocket-book, and be very busy over it for an hour at a +time. Mrs Gamp and Mr Sweedlepipe had many deep discoursings on the +subject of this mysterious customer; but they usually agreed that he had +speculated too much and was keeping out of the way. + +He must have appointed the man who never kept his word, to meet him at +another new place too; for one day he was found, for the first time, +by the waiter at the Mourning Coach-Horse, the House-of-call for +Undertakers, down in the City there, making figures with a pipe-stem in +the sawdust of a clean spittoon; and declining to call for anything, on +the ground of expecting a gentleman presently. As the gentleman was not +honourable enough to keep his engagement, he came again next day, with +his pocket-book in such a state of distention that he was regarded in +the bar as a man of large property. After that, he repeated his visits +every day, and had so much writing to do, that he made nothing of +emptying a capacious leaden inkstand in two sittings. Although he never +talked much, still, by being there among the regular customers, he made +their acquaintance, and in course of time became quite intimate with Mr +Tacker, Mr Mould's foreman; and even with Mr Mould himself, who openly +said he was a long-headed man, a dry one, a salt fish, a deep file, a +rasper; and made him the subject of many other flattering encomiums. + +At the same time, too, he told the people at the Assurance Office, in +his own mysterious way, that there was something wrong (secretly wrong, +of course) in his liver, and that he feared he must put himself +under the doctor's hands. He was delivered over to Jobling upon this +representation; and though Jobling could not find out where his liver +was wrong, wrong Mr Nadgett said it was; observing that it was his +own liver, and he hoped he ought to know. Accordingly, he became Mr +Jobling's patient; and detailing his symptoms in his slow and secret +way, was in and out of that gentleman's room a dozen times a day. + +As he pursued all these occupations at once; and all steadily; and all +secretly; and never slackened in his watchfulness of everything that +Mr Jonas said and did, and left unsaid and undone; it is not improbable +that they were, secretly, essential parts of some great scheme which Mr +Nadgett had on foot. + +It was on the morning of this very day on which so much had happened to +Tom Pinch, that Nadgett suddenly appeared before Mr Montague's house in +Pall Mall--he always made his appearance as if he had that moment come +up a trap--when the clocks were striking nine. He rang the bell in a +covert under-handed way, as though it were a treasonable act; and passed +in at the door, the moment it was opened wide enough to receive his +body. That done, he shut it immediately with his own hands. + +Mr Bailey, taking up his name without delay, returned with a request +that he would follow him into his master's chamber. The chairman of the +Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Board was dressing, +and received him as a business person who was often backwards and +forwards, and was received at all times for his business' sake. + +'Well, Mr Nadgett?' + +Mr Nadgett put his hat upon the ground and coughed. The boy having +withdrawn and shut the door, he went to it softly, examined the handle, +and returned to within a pace or two of the chair in which Mr Montague +sat. + +'Any news, Mr Nadgett?' + +'I think we have some news at last, sir.' + +'I am happy to hear it. I began to fear you were off the scent, Mr +Nadgett.' + +'No, sir. It grows cold occasionally. It will sometimes. We can't help +that.' + +'You are truth itself, Mr Nadgett. Do you report a great success?' + +'That depends upon your judgment and construction of it,' was his +answer, as he put on his spectacles. + +'What do you think of it yourself? Have you pleased yourself?' + +Mr Nadgett rubbed his hands slowly, stroked his chin, looked round the +room, and said, 'Yes, yes, I think it's a good case. I am disposed to +think it's a good case. Will you go into it at once?' + +'By all means.' + +Mr Nadgett picked out a certain chair from among the rest, and having +planted it in a particular spot, as carefully as if he had been going to +vault over it, placed another chair in front of it; leaving room for his +own legs between them. He then sat down in chair number two, and laid +his pocket-book, very carefully, on chair number one. He then untied the +pocket-book, and hung the string over the back of chair number one. He +then drew both the chairs a little nearer Mr Montague, and opening +the pocket-book spread out its contents. Finally he selected a certain +memorandum from the rest, and held it out to his employer, who, during +the whole of these preliminary ceremonies, had been making violent +efforts to conceal his impatience. + +'I wish you wouldn't be so fond of making notes, my excellent friend,' +said Tigg Montague with a ghastly smile. 'I wish you would consent to +give me their purport by word of mouth.' + +'I don't like word of mouth,' said Mr Nadgett gravely. 'We never know +who's listening.' + +Mr Montague was going to retort, when Nadgett handed him the paper, and +said, with quiet exultation in his tone, 'We'll begin at the beginning, +and take that one first, if you please, sir.' + +The chairman cast his eyes upon it, coldly, and with a smile which did +not render any great homage to the slow and methodical habits of his +spy. But he had not read half-a-dozen lines when the expression of his +face began to change, and before he had finished the perusal of the +paper, it was full of grave and serious attention. + +'Number Two,' said Mr Nadgett, handing him another, and receiving back +the first. 'Read Number Two, sir, if you please. There is more interest +as you go on.' + +Tigg Montague leaned backward in his chair, and cast upon his emissary +such a look of vacant wonder (not unmingled with alarm), that Mr Nadgett +considered it necessary to repeat the request he had already twice +preferred; with the view to recalling his attention to the point in +hand. Profiting by the hint, Mr Montague went on with Number Two, and +afterwards with Numbers Three, and Four, and Five, and so on. + +These documents were all in Mr Nadgett's writing, and were apparently a +series of memoranda, jotted down from time to time upon the backs of old +letters, or any scrap of paper that came first to hand. Loose straggling +scrawls they were, and of very uninviting exterior; but they had weighty +purpose in them, if the chairman's face were any index to the character +of their contents. + +The progress of Mr Nadgett's secret satisfaction arising out of the +effect they made, kept pace with the emotions of the reader. At first, +Mr Nadgett sat with his spectacles low down upon his nose, looking over +them at his employer, and nervously rubbing his hands. After a little +while, he changed his posture in his chair for one of greater ease, and +leisurely perused the next document he held ready as if an occasional +glance at his employer's face were now enough and all occasion for +anxiety or doubt were gone. And finally he rose and looked out of the +window, where he stood with a triumphant air until Tigg Montague had +finished. + +'And this is the last, Mr Nadgett!' said that gentleman, drawing a long +breath. + +'That, sir, is the last.' + +'You are a wonderful man, Mr Nadgett!' + +'I think it is a pretty good case,' he returned as he gathered up his +papers. 'It cost some trouble, sir.' + +'The trouble shall be well rewarded, Mr Nadgett.' Nadgett bowed. 'There +is a deeper impression of Somebody's Hoof here, than I had expected, Mr +Nadgett. I may congratulate myself upon your being such a good hand at a +secret.' + +'Oh! nothing has an interest to me that's not a secret,' replied +Nadgett, as he tied the string about his pocket-book, and put it up. 'It +always takes away any pleasure I may have had in this inquiry even to +make it known to you.' + +'A most invaluable constitution,' Tigg retorted. 'A great gift for a +gentleman employed as you are, Mr Nadgett. Much better than discretion; +though you possess that quality also in an eminent degree. I think I +heard a double knock. Will you put your head out of window, and tell me +whether there is anybody at the door?' + +Mr Nadgett softly raised the sash, and peered out from the very corner, +as a man might who was looking down into a street from whence a brisk +discharge of musketry might be expected at any moment. Drawing in his +head with equal caution, he observed, not altering his voice or manner: + +'Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit!' + +'I thought so,' Tigg retorted. + +'Shall I go?' + +'I think you had better. Stay though! No! remain here, Mr Nadgett, if +you please.' + +It was remarkable how pale and flurried he had become in an instant. +There was nothing to account for it. His eye had fallen on his razors; +but what of them! + +Mr Chuzzlewit was announced. + +'Show him up directly. Nadgett! don't you leave us alone together. Mind +you don't, now! By the Lord!' he added in a whisper to himself: 'We +don't know what may happen.' + +Saying this, he hurriedly took up a couple of hair-brushes, and began +to exercise them on his own head, as if his toilet had not been +interrupted. Mr Nadgett withdrew to the stove, in which there was a +small fire for the convenience of heating curling-irons; and +taking advantage of so favourable an opportunity for drying his +pocket-handkerchief, produced it without loss of time. There he stood, +during the whole interview, holding it before the bars, and sometimes, +but not often, glancing over his shoulder. + +'My dear Chuzzlewit!' cried Montague, as Jonas entered. 'You rise with +the lark. Though you go to bed with the nightingale, you rise with the +lark. You have superhuman energy, my dear Chuzzlewit!' + +'Ecod!' said Jonas, with an air of langour and ill-humour, as he took +a chair, 'I should be very glad not to get up with the lark, if I could +help it. But I am a light sleeper; and it's better to be up than lying +awake, counting the dismal old church-clocks, in bed.' + +'A light sleeper!' cried his friend. 'Now, what is a light sleeper? +I often hear the expression, but upon my life I have not the least +conception what a light sleeper is.' + +'Hallo!' said Jonas, 'Who's that? Oh, old what's-his-name: looking (as +usual) as if he wanted to skulk up the chimney.' + +'Ha, ha! I have no doubt he does.' + +'Well! He's not wanted here, I suppose,' said Jonas. 'He may go, mayn't +he?' + +'Oh, let him stay, let him stay!' said Tigg. 'He's a mere piece of +furniture. He has been making his report, and is waiting for further +orders. He has been told,' said Tigg, raising his voice, 'not to lose +sight of certain friends of ours, or to think that he has done with them +by any means. He understands his business.' + +'He need,' replied Jonas; 'for of all the precious old dummies in +appearance that I ever saw, he's about the worst. He's afraid of me, I +think.' + +'It's my belief,' said Tigg, 'that you are Poison to him. Nadgett! give +me that towel!' + +He had as little occasion for a towel as Jonas had for a start. But +Nadgett brought it quickly; and, having lingered for a moment, fell back +upon his old post by the fire. + +'You see, my dear fellow,' resumed Tigg, 'you are too--what's the matter +with your lips? How white they are!' + +'I took some vinegar just now,' said Jonas. 'I had oysters for my +breakfast. Where are they white?' he added, muttering an oath, and +rubbing them upon his handkerchief. 'I don't believe they ARE white.' + +'Now I look again, they are not,' replied his friend. 'They are coming +right again.' + +'Say what you were going to say,' cried Jonas angrily, 'and let my face +be! As long as I can show my teeth when I want to (and I can do that +pretty well), the colour of my lips is not material.' + +'Quite true,' said Tigg. 'I was only going to say that you are too quick +and active for our friend. He is too shy to cope with such a man as you, +but does his duty well. Oh, very well! But what is a light sleeper?' + +'Hang a light sleeper!' exclaimed Jonas pettishly. + +'No, no,' interrupted Tigg. 'No. We'll not do that.' + +'A light sleeper ain't a heavy one,' said Jonas in his sulky way; 'don't +sleep much, and don't sleep well, and don't sleep sound.' + +'And dreams,' said Tigg, 'and cries out in an ugly manner; and when the +candle burns down in the night, is in an agony; and all that sort of +thing. I see!' + +They were silent for a little time. Then Jonas spoke: + +'Now we've done with child's talk, I want to have a word with you. I +want to have a word with you before we meet up yonder to-day. I am not +satisfied with the state of affairs.' + +'Not satisfied!' cried Tigg. 'The money comes in well.' + +'The money comes in well enough,' retorted Jonas, 'but it don't come +out well enough. It can't be got at easily enough. I haven't sufficient +power; it is all in your hands. Ecod! what with one of your by-laws, and +another of your by-laws, and your votes in this capacity, and your votes +in that capacity, and your official rights, and your individual rights, +and other people's rights who are only you again, there are no rights +left for me. Everybody else's rights are my wrongs. What's the use of my +having a voice if it's always drowned? I might as well be dumb, and +it would be much less aggravating. I'm not a-going to stand that, you +know.' + +'No!' said Tigg in an insinuating tone. + +'No!' returned Jonas, 'I'm not indeed. I'll play old Gooseberry with the +office, and make you glad to buy me out at a good high figure, if you +try any of your tricks with me.' + +'I give you my honour--' Montague began. + +'Oh! confound your honour,' interrupted Jonas, who became more coarse +and quarrelsome as the other remonstrated, which may have been a part of +Mr Montague's intention; 'I want a little more control over the money. +You may have all the honour, if you like; I'll never bring you to book +for that. But I'm not a-going to stand it, as it is now. If you should +take it into your honourable head to go abroad with the bank, I don't +see much to prevent you. Well! That won't do. I've had some very good +dinners here, but they'd come too dear on such terms; and therefore, +that won't do.' + +'I am unfortunate to find you in this humour,' said Tigg, with a +remarkable kind of smile; 'for I was going to propose to you--for your +own advantage; solely for your own advantage--that you should venture a +little more with us.' + +'Was you, by G--?' said Jonas, with a short laugh. + +'Yes. And to suggest,' pursued Montague, 'that surely you have friends; +indeed, I know you have; who would answer our purpose admirably, and +whom we should be delighted to receive.' + +'How kind of you! You'd be delighted to receive 'em, would you?' said +Jonas, bantering. + +'I give you my sacred honour, quite transported. As your friends, +observe!' + +'Exactly,' said Jonas; 'as my friends, of course. You'll be very much +delighted when you get 'em, I have no doubt. And it'll be all to my +advantage, won't it?' + +'It will be very much to your advantage,' answered Montague poising a +brush in each hand, and looking steadily upon him. 'It will be very much +to your advantage, I assure you.' + +'And you can tell me how,' said Jonas, 'can't you?' + +'SHALL I tell you how?' returned the other. + +'I think you had better,' said Jonas. 'Strange things have been done +in the Assurance way before now, by strange sorts of men, and I mean to +take care of myself.' + +'Chuzzlewit!' replied Montague, leaning forward, with his arms upon his +knees, and looking full into his face. 'Strange things have been done, +and are done every day; not only in our way, but in a variety of other +ways; and no one suspects them. But ours, as you say, my good friend, +is a strange way; and we strangely happen, sometimes, to come into the +knowledge of very strange events.' + +He beckoned to Jonas to bring his chair nearer; and looking slightly +round, as if to remind him of the presence of Nadgett, whispered in his +ear. + +From red to white; from white to red again; from red to yellow; then to +a cold, dull, awful, sweat-bedabbled blue. In that short whisper, all +these changes fell upon the face of Jonas Chuzzlewit; and when at last +he laid his hand upon the whisperer's mouth, appalled, lest any syllable +of what he said should reach the ears of the third person present, it +was as bloodless and as heavy as the hand of Death. + +He drew his chair away, and sat a spectacle of terror, misery, and +rage. He was afraid to speak, or look, or move, or sit still. Abject, +crouching, and miserable, he was a greater degradation to the form he +bore, than if he had been a loathsome wound from head to heel. + +His companion leisurely resumed his dressing, and completed it, glancing +sometimes with a smile at the transformation he had effected, but never +speaking once. + +'You'll not object,' he said, when he was quite equipped, 'to venture +further with us, Chuzzlewit, my friend?' + +His pale lips faintly stammered out a 'No.' + +'Well said! That's like yourself. Do you know I was thinking yesterday +that your father-in-law, relying on your advice as a man of great +sagacity in money matters, as no doubt you are, would join us, if the +thing were well presented to him. He has money?' + +'Yes, he has money.' + +'Shall I leave Mr Pecksniff to you? Will you undertake for Mr +Pecksniff.' + +'I'll try. I'll do my best.' + +'A thousand thanks,' replied the other, clapping him upon the shoulder. +'Shall we walk downstairs? Mr Nadgett! Follow us, if you please.' + +They went down in that order. Whatever Jonas felt in reference to +Montague; whatever sense he had of being caged, and barred, and trapped, +and having fallen down into a pit of deepest ruin; whatever thoughts +came crowding on his mind even at that early time, of one terrible +chance of escape, of one red glimmer in a sky of blackness; he no more +thought that the slinking figure half-a-dozen stairs behind him was +his pursuing Fate, than that the other figure at his side was his Good +Angel. + + + +CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE + +CONTAINING SOME FURTHER PARTICULARS OF THE DOMESTIC ECONOMY OF THE +PINCHES; WITH STRANGE NEWS FROM THE CITY, NARROWLY CONCERNING TOM + + +Pleasant little Ruth! Cheerful, tidy, bustling, quiet little Ruth! No +doll's house ever yielded greater delight to its young mistress, than +little Ruth derived from her glorious dominion over the triangular +parlour and the two small bedrooms. + +To be Tom's housekeeper. What dignity! Housekeeping, upon the commonest +terms, associated itself with elevated responsibilities of all sorts and +kinds; but housekeeping for Tom implied the utmost complication of +grave trusts and mighty charges. Well might she take the keys out of +the little chiffonier which held the tea and sugar; and out of the +two little damp cupboards down by the fireplace, where the very black +beetles got mouldy, and had the shine taken out of their backs by +envious mildew; and jingle them upon a ring before Tom's eyes when he +came down to breakfast! Well might she, laughing musically, put them +up in that blessed little pocket of hers with a merry pride! For it was +such a grand novelty to be mistress of anything, that if she had been +the most relentless and despotic of all little housekeepers, she might +have pleaded just that much for her excuse, and have been honourably +acquitted. + +So far from being despotic, however, there was a coyness about her very +way of pouring out the tea, which Tom quite revelled in. And when +she asked him what he would like to have for dinner, and faltered +out 'chops' as a reasonably good suggestion after their last +night's successful supper, Tom grew quite facetious, and rallied her +desperately. + +'I don't know, Tom,' said his sister, blushing, 'I am not quite +confident, but I think I could make a beef-steak pudding, if I tried, +Tom.' + +'In the whole catalogue of cookery, there is nothing I should like so +much as a beef-steak pudding!' cried Tom, slapping his leg to give the +greater force to this reply. + +'Yes, dear, that's excellent! But if it should happen not to come quite +right the first time,' his sister faltered; 'if it should happen not +to be a pudding exactly, but should turn out a stew, or a soup, or +something of that sort, you'll not be vexed, Tom, will you?' + +The serious way in which she looked at Tom; the way in which Tom looked +at her; and the way in which she gradually broke into a merry laugh at +her own expense, would have enchanted you. + +'Why,' said Tom 'this is capital. It gives us a new, and quite an +uncommon interest in the dinner. We put into a lottery for a beefsteak +pudding, and it is impossible to say what we may get. We may make some +wonderful discovery, perhaps, and produce such a dish as never was known +before.' + +'I shall not be at all surprised if we do, Tom,' returned his sister, +still laughing merrily, 'or if it should prove to be such a dish as we +shall not feel very anxious to produce again; but the meat must come out +of the saucepan at last, somehow or other, you know. We can't cook it +into nothing at all; that's a great comfort. So if you like to venture, +I will.' + +'I have not the least doubt,' rejoined Tom, 'that it will come out an +excellent pudding, or at all events, I am sure that I shall think it so. +There is naturally something so handy and brisk about you, Ruth, that +if you said you could make a bowl of faultless turtle soup, I should +believe you.' + +And Tom was right. She was precisely that sort of person. Nobody ought +to have been able to resist her coaxing manner; and nobody had any +business to try. Yet she never seemed to know it was her manner at all. +That was the best of it. + +Well! she washed up the breakfast cups, chatting away the whole time, +and telling Tom all sorts of anecdotes about the brass-and-copper +founder; put everything in its place; made the room as neat as +herself;--you must not suppose its shape was half as neat as hers +though, or anything like it--and brushed Tom's old hat round and +round and round again, until it was as sleek as Mr Pecksniff. Then she +discovered, all in a moment, that Tom's shirt-collar was frayed at the +edge; and flying upstairs for a needle and thread, came flying down +again with her thimble on, and set it right with wonderful expertness; +never once sticking the needle into his face, although she was humming +his pet tune from first to last, and beating time with the fingers of +her left hand upon his neckcloth. She had no sooner done this, than off +she was again; and there she stood once more, as brisk and busy as a +bee, tying that compact little chin of hers into an equally compact +little bonnet; intent on bustling out to the butcher's, without a +minute's loss of time; and inviting Tom to come and see the steak cut, +with his own eyes. As to Tom, he was ready to go anywhere; so off they +trotted, arm-in-arm, as nimbly as you please; saying to each other what +a quiet street it was to lodge in, and how very cheap, and what an airy +situation. + +To see the butcher slap the steak, before he laid it on the block, and +give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly. It was +agreeable, too--it really was--to see him cut it off, so smooth and +juicy. There was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was large +and keen; it was a piece of art, high art; there was delicacy of touch, +clearness of tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading. It +was the triumph of mind over matter; quite. + +Perhaps the greenest cabbage-leaf ever grown in a garden was wrapped +about this steak, before it was delivered over to Tom. But the butcher +had a sentiment for his business, and knew how to refine upon it. When +he saw Tom putting the cabbage-leaf into his pocket awkwardly, he begged +to be allowed to do it for him; 'for meat,' he said with some emotion, +'must be humoured, not drove.' + +Back they went to the lodgings again, after they had bought some eggs, +and flour, and such small matters; and Tom sat gravely down to write at +one end of the parlour table, while Ruth prepared to make the pudding at +the other end; for there was nobody in the house but an old woman (the +landlord being a mysterious sort of man, who went out early in the +morning, and was scarcely ever seen); and saving in mere household +drudgery, they waited on themselves. + +'What are you writing, Tom?' inquired his sister, laying her hand upon +his shoulder. + +'Why, you see, my dear,' said Tom, leaning back in his chair, and +looking up in her face, 'I am very anxious, of course, to obtain some +suitable employment; and before Mr Westlock comes this afternoon, +I think I may as well prepare a little description of myself and my +qualifications; such as he could show to any friend of his.' + +'You had better do the same for me, Tom, also,' said his sister, casting +down her eyes. 'I should dearly like to keep house for you and take care +of you always, Tom; but we are not rich enough for that.' + +'We are not rich,' returned Tom, 'certainly; and we may be much poorer. +But we will not part if we can help it. No, no; we will make up our +minds Ruth, that unless we are so very unfortunate as to render me quite +sure that you would be better off away from me than with me, we will +battle it out together. I am certain we shall be happier if we can +battle it out together. Don't you think we shall?' + +'Think, Tom!' + +'Oh, tut, tut!' interposed Tom, tenderly. 'You mustn't cry.' + +'No, no; I won't, Tom. But you can't afford it, dear. You can't, +indeed.' + +'We don't know that,' said Tom. 'How are we to know that, yet awhile, +and without trying? Lord bless my soul!'--Tom's energy became quite +grand--'there is no knowing what may happen, if we try hard. And I am +sure we can live contentedly upon a very little--if we can only get it.' + +'Yes; that I am sure we can, Tom.' + +'Why, then,' said Tom, 'we must try for it. My friend, John Westlock, is +a capital fellow, and very shrewd and intelligent. I'll take his advice. +We'll talk it over with him--both of us together. You'll like John very +much, when you come to know him, I am certain. Don't cry, don't cry. YOU +make a beef-steak pudding, indeed!' said Tom, giving her a gentle push. +'Why, you haven't boldness enough for a dumpling!' + +'You WILL call it a pudding, Tom. Mind! I told you not!' + +'I may as well call it that, till it proves to be something else,' said +Tom. 'Oh, you are going to work in earnest, are you?' + +Aye, aye! That she was. And in such pleasant earnest, moreover, that +Tom's attention wandered from his writing every moment. First, she +tripped downstairs into the kitchen for the flour, then for the +pie-board, then for the eggs, then for the butter, then for a jug of +water, then for the rolling-pin, then for a pudding-basin, then for the +pepper, then for the salt; making a separate journey for everything, and +laughing every time she started off afresh. When all the materials were +collected she was horrified to find she had no apron on, and so ran +UPstairs by way of variety, to fetch it. She didn't put it on upstairs, +but came dancing down with it in her hand; and being one of those little +women to whom an apron is a most becoming little vanity, it took +an immense time to arrange; having to be carefully smoothed down +beneath--Oh, heaven, what a wicked little stomacher!--and to be gathered +up into little plaits by the strings before it could be tied, and to +be tapped, rebuked, and wheedled, at the pockets, before it would set +right, which at last it did, and when it did--but never mind; this is +a sober chronicle. And then, there were her cuffs to be tucked up, for +fear of flour; and she had a little ring to pull off her finger, which +wouldn't come off (foolish little ring!); and during the whole of these +preparations she looked demurely every now and then at Tom, from under +her dark eyelashes, as if they were all a part of the pudding, and +indispensable to its composition. + +For the life and soul of him, Tom could get no further in his +writing than, 'A respectable young man, aged thirty-five,' and this, +notwithstanding the show she made of being supernaturally quiet, and +going about on tiptoe, lest she should disturb him; which only served +as an additional means of distracting his attention, and keeping it upon +her. + +'Tom,' she said at last, in high glee. 'Tom!' + +'What now?' said Tom, repeating to himself, 'aged thirty-five!' + +'Will you look here a moment, please?' + +As if he hadn't been looking all the time! + +'I am going to begin, Tom. Don't you wonder why I butter the inside of +the basin?' said his busy little sister. + +'Not more than you do, I dare say,' replied Tom, laughing. 'For I +believe you don't know anything about it.' + +'What an infidel you are, Tom! How else do you think it would turn out +easily when it was done! For a civil-engineer and land-surveyor not to +know that! My goodness, Tom!' + +It was wholly out of the question to try to write. Tom lined out +'respectable young man, aged thirty-five;' and sat looking on, pen in +hand, with one of the most loving smiles imaginable. + +Such a busy little woman as she was! So full of self-importance and +trying so hard not to smile, or seem uncertain about anything! It was a +perfect treat to Tom to see her with her brows knit, and her rosy lips +pursed up, kneading away at the crust, rolling it out, cutting it up +into strips, lining the basin with it, shaving it off fine round the +rim, chopping up the steak into small pieces, raining down pepper and +salt upon them, packing them into the basin, pouring in cold water for +gravy, and never venturing to steal a look in his direction, lest her +gravity should be disturbed; until, at last, the basin being quite full +and only wanting the top crust, she clapped her hands all covered with +paste and flour, at Tom, and burst out heartily into such a charming +little laugh of triumph, that the pudding need have had no other +seasoning to commend it to the taste of any reasonable man on earth. + +'Where's the pudding?' said Tom. For he was cutting his jokes, Tom was. + +'Where!' she answered, holding it up with both hands. 'Look at it!' + +'THAT a pudding!' said Tom. + +'It WILL be, you stupid fellow, when it's covered in,' returned his +sister. Tom still pretending to look incredulous, she gave him a tap on +the head with the rolling-pin, and still laughing merrily, had returned +to the composition of the top crust, when she started and turned very +red. Tom started, too, for following her eyes, he saw John Westlock in +the room. + +'Why, my goodness, John! How did YOU come in?' + +'I beg pardon,' said John--' your sister's pardon especially--but I met +an old lady at the street door, who requested me to enter here; and as +you didn't hear me knock, and the door was open, I made bold to do so. +I hardly know,' said John, with a smile, 'why any of us should be +disconcerted at my having accidentally intruded upon such an agreeable +domestic occupation, so very agreeably and skillfully pursued; but I +must confess that I am. Tom, will you kindly come to my relief?' + +'Mr John Westlock,' said Tom. 'My sister.' + +'I hope that, as the sister of so old a friend,' said John, laughing +'you will have the goodness to detach your first impressions of me from +my unfortunate entrance.' + +'My sister is not indisposed perhaps to say the same to you on her own +behalf,' retorted Tom. + +John said, of course, that this was quite unnecessary, for he had been +transfixed in silent admiration; and he held out his hand to Miss Pinch; +who couldn't take it, however, by reason of the flour and paste upon her +own. This, which might seem calculated to increase the general confusion +and render matters worse, had in reality the best effect in the +world, for neither of them could help laughing; and so they both found +themselves on easy terms immediately. + +'I am delighted to see you,' said Tom. 'Sit down.' + +'I can only think of sitting down on one condition,' returned his +friend; 'and that is, that your sister goes on with the pudding, as if +you were still alone.' + +'That I am sure she will,' said Tom. 'On one other condition, and that +is, that you stay and help us to eat it.' + +Poor little Ruth was seized with a palpitation of the heart when Tom +committed this appalling indiscretion, for she felt that if the dish +turned out a failure, she never would be able to hold up her head +before John Westlock again. Quite unconscious of her state of mind, +John accepted the invitation with all imaginable heartiness; and after a +little more pleasantry concerning this same pudding, and the tremendous +expectations he made believe to entertain of it, she blushingly resumed +her occupation, and he took a chair. + +'I am here much earlier than I intended, Tom; but I will tell you, what +brings me, and I think I can answer for your being glad to hear it. Is +that anything you wish to show me?' + +'Oh dear no!' cried Tom, who had forgotten the blotted scrap of paper +in his hand, until this inquiry brought it to his recollection. '"A +respectable young man, aged thirty-five"--The beginning of a description +of myself. That's all.' + +'I don't think you will have occasion to finish it, Tom. But how is it +you never told me you had friends in London?' + +Tom looked at his sister with all his might; and certainly his sister +looked with all her might at him. + +'Friends in London!' echoed Tom. + +'Ah!' said Westlock, 'to be sure.' + +'Have YOU any friends in London, Ruth, my dear!' asked Tom. + +'No, Tom.' + +'I am very happy to hear that I have,' said Tom, 'but it's news to me. I +never knew it. They must be capital people to keep a secret, John.' + +'You shall judge for yourself,' returned the other. 'Seriously, Tom, +here is the plain state of the case. As I was sitting at breakfast this +morning, there comes a knock at my door.' + +'On which you cried out, very loud, "Come in!"' suggested Tom. + +'So I did. And the person who knocked, not being a respectable young +man, aged thirty-five, from the country, came in when he was invited, +instead of standing gaping and staring about him on the landing. Well! +When he came in, I found he was a stranger; a grave, business-like, +sedate-looking, stranger. "Mr Westlock?" said he. "That is my name," +said I. "The favour of a few words with you?" said he. "Pray be seated, +sir," said I.' + +Here John stopped for an instant, to glance towards the table, where +Tom's sister, listening attentively, was still busy with the basin, +which by this time made a noble appearance. Then he resumed: + +'The pudding having taken a chair, Tom--' + +'What!' cried Tom. + +'Having taken a chair.' + +'You said a pudding.' + +'No, no,' replied John, colouring rather; 'a chair. The idea of a +stranger coming into my rooms at half-past eight o'clock in the morning, +and taking a pudding! Having taken a chair, Tom, a chair--amazed me by +opening the conversation thus: "I believe you are acquainted, sir, with +Mr Thomas Pinch?" + +'No!' cried Tom. + +'His very words, I assure you. I told him I was. Did I know where you +were at present residing? Yes. In London? Yes. He had casually heard, +in a roundabout way, that you had left your situation with Mr Pecksniff. +Was that the fact? Yes, it was. Did you want another? Yes, you did.' + +'Certainly,' said Tom, nodding his head. + +'Just what I impressed upon him. You may rest assured that I set that +point beyond the possibility of any mistake, and gave him distinctly to +understand that he might make up his mind about it. Very well.' + +"Then," said he, "I think I can accommodate him."' + +Tom's sister stopped short. + +'Lord bless me!' cried Tom. 'Ruth, my dear, "think I can accommodate +him."' + +'Of course I begged him,' pursued John Westlock, glancing at Tom's +sister, who was not less eager in her interest than Tom himself, 'to +proceed, and said that I would undertake to see you immediately. He +replied that he had very little to say, being a man of few words, +but such as it was, it was to the purpose--and so, indeed, it turned +out--for he immediately went on to tell me that a friend of his was in +want of a kind of secretary and librarian; and that although the salary +was small, being only a hundred pounds a year, with neither board +nor lodging, still the duties were not heavy, and there the post was. +Vacant, and ready for your acceptance.' + +'Good gracious me!' cried Tom; 'a hundred pounds a year! My dear John! +Ruth, my love! A hundred pounds a year!' + +'But the strangest part of the story,' resumed John Westlock, laying his +hand on Tom's wrist, to bespeak his attention, and repress his ecstasies +for the moment; 'the strangest part of the story, Miss Pinch, is this. I +don't know this man from Adam; neither does this man know Tom.' + +'He can't,' said Tom, in great perplexity, 'if he's a Londoner. I don't +know any one in London.' + +'And on my observing,' John resumed, still keeping his hand upon Tom's +wrist, 'that I had no doubt he would excuse the freedom I took in +inquiring who directed him to me; how he came to know of the change +which had taken place in my friend's position; and how he came to be +acquainted with my friend's peculiar fitness for such an office as he +had described; he drily said that he was not at liberty to enter into +any explanations.' + +'Not at liberty to enter into any explanations!' repeated Tom, drawing a +long breath. + +'"I must be perfectly aware," he said,' John added, '"that to any person +who had ever been in Mr Pecksniff's neighbourhood, Mr Thomas Pinch and +his acquirements were as well known as the Church steeple, or the Blue +Dragon."' + +'The Blue Dragon!' repeated Tom, staring alternately at his friend and +his sister. + +'Aye, think of that! He spoke as familiarly of the Blue Dragon, I give +you my word, as if he had been Mark Tapley. I opened my eyes, I can +tell you, when he did so; but I could not fancy I had ever seen the man +before, although he said with a smile, "You know the Blue Dragon, Mr +Westlock; you kept it up there, once or twice, yourself." Kept it up +there! So I did. You remember, Tom?' + +Tom nodded with great significance, and, falling into a state of deeper +perplexity than before, observed that this was the most unaccountable +and extraordinary circumstance he had ever heard of in his life. + +'Unaccountable?' his friend repeated. 'I became afraid of the man. +Though it was broad day, and bright sunshine, I was positively afraid +of him. I declare I half suspected him to be a supernatural visitor, +and not a mortal, until he took out a common-place description of +pocket-book, and handed me this card.' + +'Mr Fips,' said Tom, reading it aloud. 'Austin Friars. Austin Friars +sounds ghostly, John.' + +'Fips don't, I think,' was John's reply. 'But there he lives, Tom, and +there he expects us to call this morning. And now you know as much of +this strange incident as I do, upon my honour.' + +Tom's face, between his exultation in the hundred pounds a year, and +his wonder at this narration, was only to be equalled by the face of his +sister, on which there sat the very best expression of blooming surprise +that any painter could have wished to see. What the beef-steak pudding +would have come to, if it had not been by this time finished, astrology +itself could hardly determine. + +'Tom,' said Ruth, after a little hesitation, 'perhaps Mr Westlock, in +his friendship for you, knows more of this than he chooses to tell.' + +'No, indeed!' cried John, eagerly. 'It is not so, I assure you. I wish +it were. I cannot take credit to myself, Miss Pinch, for any such thing. +All that I know, or, so far as I can judge, am likely to know, I have +told you.' + +'Couldn't you know more, if you thought proper?' said Ruth, scraping the +pie-board industriously. + +'No,' retorted John. 'Indeed, no. It is very ungenerous in you to be so +suspicious of me when I repose implicit faith in you. I have unbounded +confidence in the pudding, Miss Pinch.' + +She laughed at this, but they soon got back into a serious vein, and +discussed the subject with profound gravity. Whatever else was obscure +in the business, it appeared to be quite plain that Tom was offered a +salary of one hundred pounds a year; and this being the main point, the +surrounding obscurity rather set it off than otherwise. + +Tom, being in a great flutter, wished to start for Austin Friars +instantly, but they waited nearly an hour, by John's advice, before they +departed. Tom made himself as spruce as he could before leaving home, +and when John Westlock, through the half-opened parlour door, had +glimpses of that brave little sister brushing the collar of his coat in +the passage, taking up loose stitches in his gloves and hovering lightly +about and about him, touching him up here and there in the height of +her quaint, little, old-fashioned tidiness, he called to mind the +fancy-portraits of her on the wall of the Pecksniffian workroom, and +decided with uncommon indignation that they were gross libels, and not +half pretty enough; though, as hath been mentioned in its place, the +artists always made those sketches beautiful, and he had drawn at least +a score of them with his own hands. + +'Tom,' he said, as they were walking along, 'I begin to think you must +be somebody's son.' + +'I suppose I am,' Tom answered in his quiet way. + +'But I mean somebody's of consequence.' + +'Bless your heart,' replied Tom, 'my poor father was of no consequence, +nor my mother either.' + +'You remember them perfectly, then?' + +'Remember them? oh dear yes. My poor mother was the last. She died when +Ruth was a mere baby, and then we both became a charge upon the savings +of that good old grandmother I used to tell you of. You remember! Oh! +There's nothing romantic in our history, John.' + +'Very well,' said John in quiet despair. 'Then there is no way of +accounting for my visitor of this morning. So we'll not try, Tom.' + +They did try, notwithstanding, and never left off trying until they +got to Austin Friars, where, in a very dark passage on the first floor, +oddly situated at the back of a house, across some leads, they found a +little blear-eyed glass door up in one corner, with Mr FIPS painted on +it in characters which were meant to be transparent. There was also a +wicked old sideboard hiding in the gloom hard by, meditating designs +upon the ribs of visitors; and an old mat, worn into lattice work, +which, being useless as a mat (even if anybody could have seen it, which +was impossible), had for many years directed its industry into another +channel, and regularly tripped up every one of Mr Fips's clients. + +Mr Fips, hearing a violent concussion between a human hat and his office +door, was apprised, by the usual means of communication, that somebody +had come to call upon him, and giving that somebody admission, observed +that it was 'rather dark.' + +'Dark indeed,' John whispered in Tom Pinch's ear. 'Not a bad place to +dispose of a countryman in, I should think, Tom.' + +Tom had been already turning over in his mind the possibility of their +having been tempted into that region to furnish forth a pie; but the +sight of Mr Fips, who was small and spare, and looked peaceable, and +wore black shorts and powder, dispelled his doubts. + +'Walk in,' said Mr Fips. + +They walked in. And a mighty yellow-jaundiced little office Mr Fips +had of it; with a great, black, sprawling splash upon the floor in one +corner, as if some old clerk had cut his throat there, years ago, and +had let out ink instead of blood. + +'I have brought my friend Mr Pinch, sir,' said John Westlock. + +'Be pleased to sit,' said Mr Fips. + +They occupied the two chairs, and Mr Fips took the office stool from the +stuffing whereof he drew forth a piece of horse-hair of immense length, +which he put into his mouth with a great appearance of appetite. + +He looked at Tom Pinch curiously, but with an entire freedom from any +such expression as could be reasonably construed into an unusual +display of interest. After a short silence, during which Mr Fips was +so perfectly unembarrassed as to render it manifest that he could have +broken it sooner without hesitation, if he had felt inclined to do so, +he asked if Mr Westlock had made his offer fully known to Mr Pinch. + +John answered in the affirmative. + +'And you think it worth your while, sir, do you?' Mr Fips inquired of +Tom. + +'I think it a piece of great good fortune, sir,' said Tom. 'I am +exceedingly obliged to you for the offer.' + +'Not to me,' said Mr Fips. 'I act upon instructions.' + +'To your friend, sir, then,' said Tom. 'To the gentleman with whom I am +to engage, and whose confidence I shall endeavour to deserve. When he +knows me better, sir, I hope he will not lose his good opinion of me. +He will find me punctual and vigilant, and anxious to do what is right. +That I think I can answer for, and so,' looking towards him, 'can Mr +Westlock.' + +'Most assuredly,' said John. + +Mr Fips appeared to have some little difficulty in resuming the +conversation. To relieve himself, he took up the wafer-stamp, and began +stamping capital F's all over his legs. + +'The fact is,' said Mr Fips, 'that my friend is not, at this present +moment, in town.' + +Tom's countenance fell; for he thought this equivalent to telling him +that his appearance did not answer; and that Fips must look out for +somebody else. + +'When do you think he will be in town, sir?' he asked. + +'I can't say; it's impossible to tell. I really have no idea. But,' said +Fips, taking off a very deep impression of the wafer-stamp upon the calf +of his left leg, and looking steadily at Tom, 'I don't know that it's a +matter of much consequence.' + +Poor Tom inclined his head deferentially, but appeared to doubt that. + +'I say,' repeated Mr Fips, 'that I don't know it's a matter of much +consequence. The business lies entirely between yourself and me, Mr +Pinch. With reference to your duties, I can set you going; and with +reference to your salary, I can pay it. Weekly,' said Mr Fips, putting +down the wafer-stamp, and looking at John Westlock and Tom Pinch by +turns, 'weekly; in this office; at any time between the hours of four +and five o'clock in the afternoon.' As Mr Fips said this, he made up his +face as if he were going to whistle. But he didn't. + +'You are very good,' said Tom, whose countenance was now suffused with +pleasure; 'and nothing can be more satisfactory or straightforward. My +attendance will be required--' + +'From half-past nine to four o'clock or so, I should say,' interrupted +Mr Fips. 'About that.' + +'I did not mean the hours of attendance,' retorted Tom, 'which are light +and easy, I am sure; but the place.' + +'Oh, the place! The place is in the Temple.' + +Tom was delighted. + +'Perhaps,' said Mr Fips, 'you would like to see the place?' + +'Oh, dear!' cried Tom. 'I shall only be too glad to consider myself +engaged, if you will allow me; without any further reference to the +place.' + +'You may consider yourself engaged, by all means,' said Mr Fips; 'you +couldn't meet me at the Temple Gate in Fleet Street, in an hour from +this time, I suppose, could you?' + +Certainly Tom could. + +'Good,' said Mr Fips, rising. 'Then I will show you the place; and you +can begin your attendance to-morrow morning. In an hour, therefore, I +shall see you. You too, Mr Westlock? Very good. Take care how you go. +It's rather dark.' + +With this remark, which seemed superfluous, he shut them out upon +the staircase, and they groped their way into the street again. The +interview had done so little to remove the mystery in which Tom's +new engagement was involved, and had done so much to thicken it, that +neither could help smiling at the puzzled looks of the other. They +agreed, however, that the introduction of Tom to his new office and +office companions could hardly fail to throw a light upon the subject; +and therefore postponed its further consideration until after the +fulfillment of the appointment they had made with Mr Fips. + +After looking at John Westlock's chambers, and devoting a few spare +minutes to the Boar's Head, they issued forth again to the place of +meeting. The time agreed upon had not quite come; but Mr Fips was +already at the Temple Gate, and expressed his satisfaction at their +punctuality. + +He led the way through sundry lanes and courts, into one more quiet and +more gloomy than the rest, and, singling out a certain house, ascended +a common staircase; taking from his pocket, as he went, a bunch of rusty +keys. Stopping before a door upon an upper story, which had nothing +but a yellow smear of paint where custom would have placed the +tenant's name, he began to beat the dust out of one of these keys, very +deliberately, upon the great broad handrail of the balustrade. + +'You had better have a little plug made,' he said, looking round at Tom, +after blowing a shrill whistle into the barrel of the key. 'It's the +only way of preventing them from getting stopped up. You'll find the +lock go the better, too, I dare say, for a little oil.' + +Tom thanked him; but was too much occupied with his own speculations, +and John Westlock's looks, to be very talkative. In the meantime Mr Fips +opened the door, which yielded to his hand very unwillingly, and with a +horribly discordant sound. He took the key out, when he had done so, and +gave it to Tom. + +'Aye, aye!' said Mr Fips. 'The dust lies rather thick here.' + +Truly, it did. Mr Fips might have gone so far as to say, very thick. +It had accumulated everywhere; lay deep on everything, and in one part, +where a ray of sun shone through a crevice in the shutter and struck +upon the opposite wall, it went twirling round and round, like a +gigantic squirrel-cage. + +Dust was the only thing in the place that had any motion about it. When +their conductor admitted the light freely, and lifting up the heavy +window-sash, let in the summer air, he showed the mouldering furniture, +discoloured wainscoting and ceiling, rusty stove, and ashy hearth, in +all their inert neglect. Close to the door there stood a candlestick, +with an extinguisher upon it; as if the last man who had been there +had paused, after securing a retreat, to take a parting look at +the dreariness he left behind, and then had shut out light and life +together, and closed the place up like a tomb. + +There were two rooms on that floor; and in the first or outer one a +narrow staircase, leading to two more above. These last were fitted +up as bed-chambers. Neither in them, nor in the rooms below, was any +scarcity of convenient furniture observable, although the fittings +were of a bygone fashion; but solitude and want of use seemed to have +rendered it unfit for any purposes of comfort, and to have given it a +grisly, haunted air. + +Movables of every kind lay strewn about, without the least attempt at +order, and were intermixed with boxes, hampers, and all sorts of lumber. +On all the floors were piles of books, to the amount, perhaps, of some +thousands of volumes: these, still in bales; those, wrapped in paper, +as they had been purchased; others scattered singly or in heaps; not one +upon the shelves which lined the walls. To these Mr Fips called Tom's +attention. + +'Before anything else can be done, we must have them put in order, +catalogued, and ranged upon the book-shelves, Mr Pinch. That will do to +begin with, I think, sir.' + +Tom rubbed his hands in the pleasant anticipation of a task so congenial +to his taste, and said: + +'An occupation full of interest for me, I assure you. It will occupy me, +perhaps, until Mr--' + +'Until Mr--' repeated Fips; as much as to ask Tom what he was stopping +for. + +'I forgot that you had not mentioned the gentleman's name,' said Tom. + +'Oh!' cried Mr Fips, pulling on his glove, 'didn't I? No, by-the-bye, +I don't think I did. Ah! I dare say he'll be here soon. You will get on +very well together, I have no doubt. I wish you success I am sure. You +won't forget to shut the door? It'll lock of itself if you slam it. +Half-past nine, you know. Let us say from half-past nine to four, or +half-past four, or thereabouts; one day, perhaps, a little earlier, +another day, perhaps, a little later, according as you feel disposed, +and as you arrange your work. Mr Fips, Austin Friars of course you'll +remember? And you won't forget to slam the door, if you please!' + +He said all this in such a comfortable, easy manner, that Tom could only +rub his hands, and nod his head, and smile in acquiescence which he was +still doing, when Mr Fips walked coolly out. + +'Why, he's gone!' cried Tom. + +'And what's more, Tom,' said John Westlock, seating himself upon a pile +of books, and looking up at his astonished friend, 'he is evidently not +coming back again; so here you are, installed. Under rather singular +circumstances, Tom!' + +It was such an odd affair throughout, and Tom standing there among +the books with his hat in one hand and the key in the other, looked +so prodigiously confounded, that his friend could not help laughing +heartily. Tom himself was tickled; no less by the hilarity of his friend +than by the recollection of the sudden manner in which he had been +brought to a stop, in the very height of his urbane conference with +Mr Fips; so by degrees Tom burst out laughing too; and each making the +other laugh more, they fairly roared. + +When they had had their laugh out, which did not happen very soon, for +give John an inch that way and he was sure to take several ells, being +a jovial, good-tempered fellow, they looked about them more closely, +groping among the lumber for any stray means of enlightenment that might +turn up. But no scrap or shred of information could they find. The books +were marked with a variety of owner's names, having, no doubt, been +bought at sales, and collected here and there at different times; but +whether any one of these names belonged to Tom's employer, and, if so, +which of them, they had no means whatever of determining. It occurred to +John as a very bright thought to make inquiry at the steward's office, +to whom the chambers belonged, or by whom they were held; but he came +back no wiser than he went, the answer being, 'Mr Fips, of Austin +Friars.' + +'After all, Tom, I begin to think it lies no deeper than this. Fips +is an eccentric man; has some knowledge of Pecksniff; despises him, of +course; has heard or seen enough of you to know that you are the man he +wants; and engages you in his own whimsical manner.' + +'But why in his own whimsical manner?' asked Tom. + +'Oh! why does any man entertain his own whimsical taste? Why does Mr +Fips wear shorts and powder, and Mr Fips's next-door neighbour boots and +a wig?' + +Tom, being in that state of mind in which any explanation is a great +relief, adopted this last one (which indeed was quite as feasible as any +other) readily, and said he had no doubt of it. Nor was his faith at all +shaken by his having said exactly the same thing to each suggestion of +his friend's in turn, and being perfectly ready to say it again if he +had any new solution to propose. + +As he had not, Tom drew down the window-sash, and folded the shutter; +and they left the rooms. He closed the door heavily, as Mr Fips had +desired him; tried it, found it all safe, and put the key in his pocket. + +They made a pretty wide circuit in going back to Islington, as they had +time to spare, and Tom was never tired of looking about him. It was well +he had John Westlock for his companion, for most people would have +been weary of his perpetual stoppages at shop-windows, and his frequent +dashes into the crowded carriage-way at the peril of his life, to get +the better view of church steeples, and other public buildings. But John +was charmed to see him so much interested, and every time Tom came back +with a beaming face from among the wheels of carts and hackney-coaches, +wholly unconscious of the personal congratulations addressed to him by +the drivers, John seemed to like him better than before. + +There was no flour on Ruth's hands when she received them in the +triangular parlour, but there were pleasant smiles upon her face, and a +crowd of welcomes shining out of every smile, and gleaming in her bright +eyes. By the bye, how bright they were! Looking into them for but +a moment, when you took her hand, you saw, in each, such a capital +miniature of yourself, representing you as such a restless, flashing, +eager, brilliant little fellow-- + +Ah! if you could only have kept them for your own miniature! But, +wicked, roving, restless, too impartial eyes, it was enough for any one +to stand before them, and, straightway, there he danced and sparkled +quite as merrily as you! + +The table was already spread for dinner; and though it was spread with +nothing very choice in the way of glass or linen, and with green-handled +knives, and very mountebanks of two-pronged forks, which seemed to be +trying how far asunder they could possibly stretch their legs without +converting themselves into double the number of iron toothpicks, it +wanted neither damask, silver, gold, nor china; no, nor any other +garniture at all. There it was; and, being there, nothing else would +have done as well. + +The success of that initiative dish; that first experiment of hers in +cookery; was so entire, so unalloyed and perfect, that John Westlock and +Tom agreed she must have been studying the art in secret for a long time +past; and urged her to make a full confession of the fact. They were +exceedingly merry over this jest, and many smart things were said +concerning it; but John was not as fair in his behaviour as might +have been expected, for, after luring Tom Pinch on for a long time, +he suddenly went over to the enemy, and swore to everything his sister +said. However, as Tom observed the same night before going to bed, it +was only in joke, and John had always been famous for being polite +to ladies, even when he was quite a boy. Ruth said, 'Oh! indeed!' She +didn't say anything else. + +It is astonishing how much three people may find to talk about. They +scarcely left off talking once. And it was not all lively chat which +occupied them; for when Tom related how he had seen Mr Pecksniff's +daughters, and what a change had fallen on the younger, they were very +serious. + +John Westlock became quite absorbed in her fortunes; asking many +questions of Tom Pinch about her marriage, inquiring whether her husband +was the gentleman whom Tom had brought to dine with him at Salisbury; +in what degree of relationship they stood towards each other, being +different persons; and taking, in short, the greatest interest in the +subject. Tom then went into it, at full length; he told how Martin had +gone abroad, and had not been heard of for a long time; how Dragon Mark +had borne him company; how Mr Pecksniff had got the poor old doting +grandfather into his power; and how he basely sought the hand of Mary +Graham. But not a word said Tom of what lay hidden in his heart; his +heart, so deep, and true, and full of honour, and yet with so much room +for every gentle and unselfish thought; not a word. + +Tom, Tom! The man in all this world most confident in his sagacity and +shrewdness; the man in all this world most proud of his distrust of +other men, and having most to show in gold and silver as the gains +belonging to his creed; the meekest favourer of that wise doctrine, +Every man for himself, and God for us all (there being high wisdom in +the thought that the Eternal Majesty of Heaven ever was, or can be, on +the side of selfish lust and love!); shall never find, oh, never find, +be sure of that, the time come home to him, when all his wisdom is an +idiot's folly, weighed against a simple heart! + +Well, well, Tom, it was simple too, though simple in a different way, to +be so eager touching that same theatre, of which John said, when tea was +done, he had the absolute command, so far as taking parties in without +the payment of a sixpence was concerned; and simpler yet, perhaps, never +to suspect that when he went in first, alone, he paid the money! Simple +in thee, dear Tom, to laugh and cry so heartily at such a sorry show, +so poorly shown; simple to be so happy and loquacious trudging home +with Ruth; simple to be so surprised to find that merry present of +a cookery-book awaiting her in the parlour next morning, with the +beef-steak-pudding-leaf turned down and blotted out. There! Let +the record stand! Thy quality of soul was simple, simple, quite +contemptible, Tom Pinch! + + + +CHAPTER FORTY + +THE PINCHES MAKE A NEW ACQUAINTANCE, AND HAVE FRESH OCCASION FOR +SURPRISE AND WONDER + + +There was a ghostly air about these uninhabited chambers in the Temple, +and attending every circumstance of Tom's employment there, which had a +strange charm in it. Every morning when he shut his door at Islington, +he turned his face towards an atmosphere of unaccountable fascination, +as surely as he turned it to the London smoke; and from that moment it +thickened round and round him all day long, until the time arrived for +going home again, and leaving it, like a motionless cloud, behind. + +It seemed to Tom, every morning, that he approached this ghostly +mist, and became enveloped in it, by the easiest succession of degrees +imaginable. Passing from the roar and rattle of the streets into the +quiet court-yards of the Temple, was the first preparation. Every echo +of his footsteps sounded to him like a sound from the old walls and +pavements, wanting language to relate the histories of the dim, dismal +rooms; to tell him what lost documents were decaying in forgotten +corners of the shut-up cellars, from whose lattices such mouldy sighs +came breathing forth as he went past; to whisper of dark bins of rare +old wine, bricked up in vaults among the old foundations of the Halls; +or mutter in a lower tone yet darker legends of the cross-legged +knights, whose marble effigies were in the church. With the first +planting of his foot upon the staircase of his dusty office, all these +mysteries increased; until, ascending step by step, as Tom ascended, +they attained their full growth in the solitary labours of the day. + +Every day brought one recurring, never-failing source of speculation. +This employer; would he come to-day, and what would he be like? For +Tom could not stop short at Mr Fips; he quite believed that Mr Fips had +spoken truly, when he said he acted for another; and what manner of man +that other was, became a full-blown flower of wonder in the garden of +Tom's fancy, which never faded or got trodden down. + +At one time, he conceived that Mr Pecksniff, repenting of his falsehood, +might, by exertion of his influence with some third person have +devised these means of giving him employment. He found this idea so +insupportable after what had taken place between that good man and +himself, that he confided it to John Westlock on the very same day; +informing John that he would rather ply for hire as a porter, than fall +so low in his own esteem as to accept the smallest obligation from the +hands of Mr Pecksniff. But John assured him that he (Tom Pinch) was far +from doing justice to the character of Mr Pecksniff yet, if he supposed +that gentleman capable of performing a generous action; and that he +might make his mind quite easy on that head until he saw the sun turn +green and the moon black, and at the same time distinctly perceived with +the naked eye, twelve first-rate comets careering round those planets. +In which unusual state of things, he said (and not before), it might +become not absolutely lunatic to suspect Mr Pecksniff of anything +so monstrous. In short he laughed the idea down completely; and Tom, +abandoning it, was thrown upon his beam-ends again, for some other +solution. + +In the meantime Tom attended to his duties daily, and made considerable +progress with the books; which were already reduced to some sort of +order, and made a great appearance in his fairly-written catalogue. +During his business hours, he indulged himself occasionally with +snatches of reading; which were often, indeed, a necessary part of +his pursuit; and as he usually made bold to carry one of these goblin +volumes home at night (always bringing it back again next morning, in +case his strange employer should appear and ask what had become of it), +he led a happy, quiet, studious kind of life, after his own heart. + +But though the books were never so interesting, and never so full of +novelty to Tom, they could not so enchain him, in those mysterious +chambers, as to render him unconscious, for a moment, of the lightest +sound. Any footstep on the flags without set him listening attentively +and when it turned into that house, and came up, up, up the stairs, he +always thought with a beating heart, 'Now I am coming face to face with +him at last!' But no footstep ever passed the floor immediately below: +except his own. + +This mystery and loneliness engendered fancies in Tom's mind, the folly +of which his common sense could readily discover, but which his common +sense was quite unable to keep away, notwithstanding; that quality being +with most of us, in such a case, like the old French Police--quick at +detection, but very weak as a preventive power. Misgivings, undefined, +absurd, inexplicable, that there was some one hiding in the inner +room--walking softly overhead, peeping in through the door-chink, doing +something stealthy, anywhere where he was not--came over him a +hundred times a day, making it pleasant to throw up the sash, and hold +communication even with the sparrows who had built in the roof and +water-spout, and were twittering about the windows all day long. + +He sat with the outer door wide open, at all times, that he might hear +the footsteps as they entered, and turned off into the chambers on the +lower floor. He formed odd prepossessions too, regarding strangers in +the streets; and would say within himself of such or such a man, who +struck him as having anything uncommon in his dress or aspect, 'I +shouldn't wonder, now, if that were he!' But it never was. And though +he actually turned back and followed more than one of these suspected +individuals, in a singular belief that they were going to the place he +was then upon his way from, he never got any other satisfaction by it, +than the satisfaction of knowing it was not the case. + +Mr Fips, of Austin Friars, rather deepened than illumined the obscurity +of his position; for on the first occasion of Tom's waiting on him to +receive his weekly pay, he said: + +'Oh! by the bye, Mr Pinch, you needn't mention it, if you please!' + +Tom thought he was going to tell him a secret; so he said that he +wouldn't on any account, and that Mr Fips might entirely depend upon +him. But as Mr Fips said 'Very good,' in reply, and nothing more, Tom +prompted him: + +'Not on any account,' repeated Tom. + +Mr Fips repeated: 'Very good.' + +'You were going to say'--Tom hinted. + +'Oh dear no!' cried Fips. 'Not at all.' However, seeing Tom confused, he +added, 'I mean that you needn't mention any particulars about your place +of employment, to people generally. You'll find it better not.' + +'I have not had the pleasure of seeing my employer yet, sir,' observed +Tom, putting his week's salary in his pocket. + +'Haven't you?' said Fips. 'No, I don't suppose you have though.' + +'I should like to thank him, and to know that what I have done so far, +is done to his satisfaction,' faltered Tom. + +'Quite right,' said Mr Fips, with a yawn. 'Highly creditable. Very +proper.' + +Tom hastily resolved to try him on another tack. + +'I shall soon have finished with the books,' he said. 'I hope that will +not terminate my engagement, sir, or render me useless?' + +'Oh dear no!' retorted Fips. 'Plenty to do; plen-ty to do! Be careful +how you go. It's rather dark.' + +This was the very utmost extent of information Tom could ever get out of +HIM. So it was dark enough in all conscience; and if Mr Fips expressed +himself with a double meaning, he had good reason for doing so. + +But now a circumstance occurred, which helped to divert Tom's thoughts +from even this mystery, and to divide them between it and a new channel, +which was a very Nile in itself. + +The way it came about was this. Having always been an early riser and +having now no organ to engage him in sweet converse every morning, +it was his habit to take a long walk before going to the Temple; and +naturally inclining, as a stranger, towards those parts of the town +which were conspicuous for the life and animation pervading them, he +became a great frequenter of the market-places, bridges, quays, and +especially the steam-boat wharves; for it was very lively and fresh +to see the people hurrying away upon their many schemes of business or +pleasure, and it made Tom glad to think that there was that much change +and freedom in the monotonous routine of city lives. + +In most of these morning excursions Ruth accompanied him. As their +landlord was always up and away at his business (whatever that might be, +no one seemed to know) at a very early hour, the habits of the people +of the house in which they lodged corresponded with their own. Thus they +had often finished their breakfast, and were out in the summer air, by +seven o'clock. After a two hours' stroll they parted at some convenient +point; Tom going to the Temple, and his sister returning home, as +methodically as you please. + +Many and many a pleasant stroll they had in Covent Garden Market; +snuffing up the perfume of the fruits and flowers, wondering at the +magnificence of the pineapples and melons; catching glimpses down side +avenues, of rows and rows of old women, seated on inverted baskets, +shelling peas; looking unutterable things at the fat bundles of +asparagus with which the dainty shops were fortified as with a +breastwork; and, at the herbalist's doors, gratefully inhaling scents +as of veal-stuffing yet uncooked, dreamily mixed up with capsicums, +brown-paper, seeds, even with hints of lusty snails and fine young curly +leeches. Many and many a pleasant stroll they had among the poultry +markets, where ducks and fowls, with necks unnaturally long, lay +stretched out in pairs, ready for cooking; where there were speckled +eggs in mossy baskets, white country sausages beyond impeachment by +surviving cat or dog, or horse or donkey; new cheeses to any wild +extent, live birds in coops and cages, looking much too big to be +natural, in consequence of those receptacles being much too little; +rabbits, alive and dead, innumerable. Many a pleasant stroll they +had among the cool, refreshing, silvery fish-stalls, with a kind of +moonlight effect about their stock-in-trade, excepting always for +the ruddy lobsters. Many a pleasant stroll among the waggon-loads of +fragrant hay, beneath which dogs and tired waggoners lay fast asleep, +oblivious of the pieman and the public-house. But never half so good a +stroll as down among the steamboats on a bright morning. + +There they lay, alongside of each other; hard and fast for ever, to all +appearance, but designing to get out somehow, and quite confident of +doing it; and in that faith shoals of passengers, and heaps of luggage, +were proceeding hurriedly on board. Little steam-boats dashed up and +down the stream incessantly. Tiers upon tiers of vessels, scores +of masts, labyrinths of tackle, idle sails, splashing oars, gliding +row-boats, lumbering barges, sunken piles, with ugly lodgings for +the water-rat within their mud-discoloured nooks; church steeples, +warehouses, house-roofs, arches, bridges, men and women, children, +casks, cranes, boxes, horses, coaches, idlers, and hard-labourers; there +they were, all jumbled up together, any summer morning, far beyond Tom's +power of separation. + +In the midst of all this turmoil there was an incessant roar from every +packet's funnel, which quite expressed and carried out the uppermost +emotion of the scene. They all appeared to be perspiring and bothering +themselves, exactly as their passengers did; they never left off +fretting and chafing, in their own hoarse manner, once; but were always +panting out, without any stops, 'Come along do make haste I'm very +nervous come along oh good gracious we shall never get there how late +you are do make haste I'm off directly come along!' + +Even when they had left off, and had got safely out into the current, +on the smallest provocation they began again; for the bravest packet +of them all, being stopped by some entanglement in the river, would +immediately begin to fume and pant afresh, 'oh here's a stoppage what's +the matter do go on there I'm in a hurry it's done on purpose did you +ever oh my goodness DO go on here!' and so, in a state of mind bordering +on distraction, would be last seen drifting slowly through the mist into +the summer light beyond, that made it red. + +Tom's ship, however; or, at least, the packet-boat in which Tom and his +sister took the greatest interest on one particular occasion; was not +off yet, by any means; but was at the height of its disorder. The press +of passengers was very great; another steam-boat lay on each side of +her; the gangways were choked up; distracted women, obviously bound +for Gravesend, but turning a deaf ear to all representations that this +particular vessel was about to sail for Antwerp, persisted in secreting +baskets of refreshments behind bulk-heads, and water-casks, and under +seats; and very great confusion prevailed. + +It was so amusing, that Tom, with Ruth upon his arm, stood looking down +from the wharf, as nearly regardless as it was in the nature of flesh +and blood to be, of an elderly lady behind him, who had brought a large +umbrella with her, and didn't know what to do with it. This tremendous +instrument had a hooked handle; and its vicinity was first made known +to him by a painful pressure on the windpipe, consequent upon its having +caught him round the throat. Soon after disengaging himself with perfect +good humour, he had a sensation of the ferule in his back; immediately +afterwards, of the hook entangling his ankles; then of the umbrella +generally, wandering about his hat, and flapping at it like a great +bird; and, lastly, of a poke or thrust below the ribs, which give him +such exceeding anguish, that he could not refrain from turning round to +offer a mild remonstrance. + +Upon his turning round, he found the owner of the umbrella struggling +on tip-toe, with a countenance expressive of violent animosity, to look +down upon the steam-boats; from which he inferred that she had attacked +him, standing in the front row, by design, and as her natural enemy. + +'What a very ill-natured person you must be!' said Tom. + +The lady cried out fiercely, 'Where's the pelisse!'--meaning the +constabulary--and went on to say, shaking the handle of the umbrella +at Tom, that but for them fellers never being in the way when they was +wanted, she'd have given him in charge, she would. + +'If they greased their whiskers less, and minded the duties which +they're paid so heavy for, a little more,' she observed, 'no one needn't +be drove mad by scrouding so!' + +She had been grievously knocked about, no doubt, for her bonnet was bent +into the shape of a cocked hat. Being a fat little woman, too, she was +in a state of great exhaustion and intense heat. Instead of pursuing the +altercation, therefore, Tom civilly inquired what boat she wanted to go +on board of? + +'I suppose,' returned the lady, 'as nobody but yourself can want to look +at a steam package, without wanting to go a-boarding of it, can they! +Booby!' + +'Which one do you want to look at then?' said Tom. 'We'll make room for +you if we can. Don't be so ill-tempered.' + +'No blessed creetur as ever I was with in trying times,' returned the +lady, somewhat softened, 'and they're a many in their numbers, ever +brought it as a charge again myself that I was anythin' but mild and +equal in my spirits. Never mind a contradicting of me, if you seem +to feel it does you good, ma'am, I often says, for well you know that +Sairey may be trusted not to give it back again. But I will not denige +that I am worrited and wexed this day, and with good reagion, Lord +forbid!' + +By this time, Mrs Gamp (for it was no other than that experienced +practitioner) had, with Tom's assistance, squeezed and worked herself +into a small corner between Ruth and the rail; where, after breathing +very hard for some little time, and performing a short series of +dangerous evolutions with her umbrella, she managed to establish herself +pretty comfortably. + +'And which of all them smoking monsters is the Ankworks boat, I wonder. +Goodness me!' cried Mrs Gamp. + +'What boat did you want?' asked Ruth. + +'The Ankworks package,' Mrs Gamp replied. 'I will not deceive you, my +sweet. Why should I?' + +'That is the Antwerp packet in the middle,' said Ruth. + +'And I wish it was in Jonadge's belly, I do,' cried Mrs Gamp; appearing +to confound the prophet with the whale in this miraculous aspiration. + +Ruth said nothing in reply; but, as Mrs Gamp, laying her chin against +the cool iron of the rail, continued to look intently at the Antwerp +boat, and every now and then to give a little groan, she inquired +whether any child of hers was going aboard that morning? Or perhaps her +husband, she said kindly. + +'Which shows,' said Mrs Gamp, casting up her eyes, 'what a little way +you've travelled into this wale of life, my dear young creetur! As a +good friend of mine has frequent made remark to me, which her name, +my love, is Harris, Mrs Harris through the square and up the steps +a-turnin' round by the tobacker shop, "Oh Sairey, Sairey, little do we +know wot lays afore us!" "Mrs Harris, ma'am," I says, "not much, it's +true, but more than you suppoge. Our calcilations, ma'am," I says, +"respectin' wot the number of a family will be, comes most times within +one, and oftener than you would suppoge, exact." "Sairey," says Mrs +Harris, in a awful way, "Tell me wot is my indiwidgle number." "No, Mrs +Harris," I says to her, "ex-cuge me, if you please. My own," I says, +"has fallen out of three-pair backs, and had damp doorsteps settled +on their lungs, and one was turned up smilin' in a bedstead unbeknown. +Therefore, ma'am," I says, "seek not to proticipate, but take 'em as +they come and as they go." Mine,' says Mrs Gamp, 'mine is all gone, my +dear young chick. And as to husbands, there's a wooden leg gone likeways +home to its account, which in its constancy of walkin' into wine vaults, +and never comin' out again 'till fetched by force, was quite as weak as +flesh, if not weaker.' + +When she had delivered this oration, Mrs Gamp leaned her chin upon the +cool iron again; and looking intently at the Antwerp packet, shook her +head and groaned. + +'I wouldn't,' said Mrs Gamp, 'I wouldn't be a man and have such a think +upon my mind!--but nobody as owned the name of man, could do it!' + +Tom and his sister glanced at each other; and Ruth, after a moment's +hesitation, asked Mrs Gamp what troubled her so much. + +'My dear,' returned that lady, dropping her voice, 'you are single, +ain't you?' + +Ruth laughed blushed, and said 'Yes.' + +'Worse luck,' proceeded Mrs Gamp, 'for all parties! But others is +married, and in the marriage state; and there is a dear young creetur +a-comin' down this mornin' to that very package, which is no more fit to +trust herself to sea, than nothin' is!' + +She paused here to look over the deck of the packet in question, and on +the steps leading down to it, and on the gangways. Seeming to have +thus assured herself that the object of her commiseration had not yet +arrived, she raised her eyes gradually up to the top of the escape-pipe, +and indignantly apostrophised the vessel: + +'Oh, drat you!' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella at it, 'you're a +nice spluttering nisy monster for a delicate young creetur to go and +be a passinger by; ain't you! YOU never do no harm in that way, do +you? With your hammering, and roaring, and hissing, and lamp-iling, you +brute! Them Confugion steamers,' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella +again, 'has done more to throw us out of our reg'lar work and bring +ewents on at times when nobody counted on 'em (especially them +screeching railroad ones), than all the other frights that ever was +took. I have heerd of one young man, a guard upon a railway, only three +years opened--well does Mrs Harris know him, which indeed he is her own +relation by her sister's marriage with a master sawyer--as is godfather +at this present time to six-and-twenty blessed little strangers, equally +unexpected, and all on 'um named after the Ingeines as was the cause. +Ugh!' said Mrs Gamp, resuming her apostrophe, 'one might easy know you +was a man's inwention, from your disregardlessness of the weakness of +our naturs, so one might, you brute!' + +It would not have been unnatural to suppose, from the first part of Mrs +Gamp's lamentations, that she was connected with the stage-coaching or +post-horsing trade. She had no means of judging of the effect of her +concluding remarks upon her young companion; for she interrupted herself +at this point, and exclaimed: + +'There she identically goes! Poor sweet young creetur, there she goes, +like a lamb to the sacrifige! If there's any illness when that wessel +gets to sea,' said Mrs Gamp, prophetically, 'it's murder, and I'm the +witness for the persecution.' + +She was so very earnest on the subject, that Tom's sister (being as kind +as Tom himself) could not help saying something to her in reply. + +'Pray, which is the lady,' she inquired, 'in whom you are so much +interested?' + +'There!' groaned Mrs Gamp. 'There she goes! A-crossin' the little wooden +bridge at this minute. She's a-slippin' on a bit of orangepeel!' tightly +clutching her umbrella. 'What a turn it give me.' + +'Do you mean the lady who is with that man wrapped up from head to foot +in a large cloak, so that his face is almost hidden?' + +'Well he may hide it!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'He's good call to be ashamed +of himself. Did you see him a-jerking of her wrist, then?' + +'He seems to be hasty with her, indeed.' + +'Now he's a-taking of her down into the close cabin!' said Mrs Gamp, +impatiently. 'What's the man about! The deuce is in him, I think. Why +can't he leave her in the open air?' + +He did not, whatever his reason was, but led her quickly down and +disappeared himself, without loosening his cloak, or pausing on the +crowded deck one moment longer than was necessary to clear their way to +that part of the vessel. + +Tom had not heard this little dialogue; for his attention had been +engaged in an unexpected manner. A hand upon his sleeve had caused +him to look round, just when Mrs Gamp concluded her apostrophe to the +steam-engine; and on his right arm, Ruth being on his left, he found +their landlord, to his great surprise. + +He was not so much surprised at the man's being there, as at his having +got close to him so quietly and swiftly; for another person had been +at his elbow one instant before; and he had not in the meantime been +conscious of any change or pressure in the knot of people among whom he +stood. He and Ruth had frequently remarked how noiselessly this landlord +of theirs came into and went out of his own house; but Tom was not the +less amazed to see him at his elbow now. + +'I beg your pardon, Mr Pinch,' he said in his ear. 'I am rather infirm, +and out of breath, and my eyes are not very good. I am not as young as I +was, sir. You don't see a gentleman in a large cloak down yonder, with a +lady on his arm; a lady in a veil and a black shawl; do you?' + +If HE did not, it was curious that in speaking he should have singled +out from all the crowd the very people whom he described; and should +have glanced hastily from them to Tom, as if he were burning to direct +his wandering eyes. + +'A gentleman in a large cloak!' said Tom, 'and a lady in a black shawl! +Let me see!' + +'Yes, yes!' replied the other, with keen impatience. 'A gentleman +muffled up from head to foot--strangely muffled up for such a morning +as this--like an invalid, with his hand to his face at this minute, +perhaps. No, no, no! not there,' he added, following Tom's gaze; 'the +other way; in that direction; down yonder.' Again he indicated, but this +time in his hurry, with his outstretched finger, the very spot on which +the progress of these persons was checked at that moment. + +'There are so many people, and so much motion, and so many objects,' +said Tom, 'that I find it difficult to--no, I really don't see a +gentleman in a large cloak, and a lady in a black shawl. There's a lady +in a red shawl over there!' + +'No, no, no!' cried his landlord, pointing eagerly again, 'not there. +The other way; the other way. Look at the cabin steps. To the left. They +must be near the cabin steps. Do you see the cabin steps? There's the +bell ringing already! DO you see the steps?' + +'Stay!' said Tom, 'you're right. Look! there they go now. Is that the +gentleman you mean? Descending at this minute, with the folds of a great +cloak trailing down after him?' + +'The very man!' returned the other, not looking at what Tom pointed out, +however, but at Tom's own face. 'Will you do me a kindness, sir, a great +kindness? Will you put that letter in his hand? Only give him that! +He expects it. I am charged to do it by my employers, but I am late in +finding him, and, not being as young as I have been, should never be +able to make my way on board and off the deck again in time. Will you +pardon my boldness, and do me that great kindness?' + +His hands shook, and his face bespoke the utmost interest and agitation, +as he pressed the letter upon Tom, and pointed to its destination, like +the Tempter in some grim old carving. + +To hesitate in the performance of a good-natured or compassionate office +was not in Tom's way. He took the letter; whispered Ruth to wait till +he returned, which would be immediately; and ran down the steps with all +the expedition he could make. There were so many people going down, so +many others coming up, such heavy goods in course of transit to and +fro, such a ringing of bell, blowing-off of steam, and shouting of men's +voices, that he had much ado to force his way, or keep in mind to which +boat he was going. But he reached the right one with good speed, and +going down the cabin-stairs immediately, described the object of his +search standing at the upper end of the saloon, with his back towards +him, reading some notice which was hung against the wall. As Tom +advanced to give him the letter, he started, hearing footsteps, and +turned round. + +What was Tom's astonishment to find in him the man with whom he had had +the conflict in the field--poor Mercy's husband. Jonas! + +Tom understood him to say, what the devil did he want; but it was not +easy to make out what he said; he spoke so indistinctly. + +'I want nothing with you for myself,' said Tom; 'I was asked, a moment +since, to give you this letter. You were pointed out to me, but I didn't +know you in your strange dress. Take it!' + +He did so, opened it, and read the writing on the inside. The contents +were evidently very brief; not more perhaps than one line; but they +struck upon him like a stone from a sling. He reeled back as he read. + +His emotion was so different from any Tom had ever seen before that he +stopped involuntarily. Momentary as his state of indecision was, the +bell ceased while he stood there, and a hoarse voice calling down the +steps, inquired if there was any to go ashore? + +'Yes,' cried Jonas, 'I--I am coming. Give me time. Where's that woman! +Come back; come back here.' + +He threw open another door as he spoke, and dragged, rather than led, +her forth. She was pale and frightened, and amazed to see her old +acquaintance; but had no time to speak, for they were making a great +stir above; and Jonas drew her rapidly towards the deck. + +'Where are we going? What is the matter?' + +'We are going back,' said Jonas. 'I have changed my mind. I can't go. +Don't question me, or I shall be the death of you, or some one else. +Stop there! Stop! We're for the shore. Do you hear? We're for the +shore!' + +He turned, even in the madness of his hurry, and scowling darkly back +at Tom, shook his clenched hand at him. There are not many human faces +capable of the expression with which he accompanied that gesture. + +He dragged her up, and Tom followed them. Across the deck, over the +side, along the crazy plank, and up the steps, he dragged her fiercely; +not bestowing any look on her, but gazing upwards all the while among +the faces on the wharf. Suddenly he turned again, and said to Tom with a +tremendous oath: + +'Where is he?' + +Before Tom, in his indignation and amazement, could return an answer to +a question he so little understood, a gentleman approached Tom behind, +and saluted Jonas Chuzzlewit by name. He has a gentleman of foreign +appearance, with a black moustache and whiskers; and addressed him with +a polite composure, strangely different from his own distracted and +desperate manner. + +'Chuzzlewit, my good fellow!' said the gentleman, raising his hat in +compliment to Mrs Chuzzlewit, 'I ask your pardon twenty thousand times. +I am most unwilling to interfere between you and a domestic trip of this +nature (always so very charming and refreshing, I know, although I +have not the happiness to be a domestic man myself, which is the great +infelicity of my existence); but the beehive, my dear friend, the +beehive--will you introduce me?' + +'This is Mr Montague,' said Jonas, whom the words appeared to choke. + +'The most unhappy and most penitent of men, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' pursued +that gentleman, 'for having been the means of spoiling this excursion; +but as I tell my friend, the beehive, the beehive. You projected a short +little continental trip, my dear friend, of course?' + +Jonas maintained a dogged silence. + +'May I die,' cried Montague, 'but I am shocked! Upon my soul I am +shocked. But that confounded beehive of ours in the city must be +paramount to every other consideration, when there is honey to be made; +and that is my best excuse. Here is a very singular old female dropping +curtseys on my right,' said Montague, breaking off in his discourse, +and looking at Mrs Gamp, 'who is not a friend of mine. Does anybody know +her?' + +'Ah! Well they knows me, bless their precious hearts!' said Mrs Gamp, +'not forgettin' your own merry one, sir, and long may it be so! Wishin' +as every one' (she delivered this in the form of a toast or sentiment) +'was as merry, and as handsome-lookin', as a little bird has whispered +me a certain gent is, which I will not name for fear I give offence +where none is doo! My precious lady,' here she stopped short in her +merriment, for she had until now affected to be vastly entertained, +'you're too pale by half!' + +'YOU are here too, are you?' muttered Jonas. 'Ecod, there are enough of +you.' + +'I hope, sir,' returned Mrs Gamp, dropping an indignant curtsey, 'as no +bones is broke by me and Mrs Harris a-walkin' down upon a public wharf. +Which was the very words she says to me (although they was the last +I ever had to speak) was these: "Sairey," she says, "is it a public +wharf?" "Mrs Harris," I makes answer, "can you doubt it? You have know'd +me now, ma'am, eight and thirty year; and did you ever know me go, or +wish to go, where I was not made welcome, say the words." "No, Sairey," +Mrs Harris says, "contrairy quite." And well she knows it too. I am but +a poor woman, but I've been sought after, sir, though you may not think +it. I've been knocked up at all hours of the night, and warned out by +a many landlords, in consequence of being mistook for Fire. I goes out +workin' for my bread, 'tis true, but I maintains my independency, with +your kind leave, and which I will till death. I has my feelins as a +woman, sir, and I have been a mother likeways; but touch a pipkin as +belongs to me, or make the least remarks on what I eats or drinks, and +though you was the favouritest young for'ard hussy of a servant-gal as +ever come into a house, either you leaves the place, or me. My earnins +is not great, sir, but I will not be impoged upon. Bless the babe, and +save the mother, is my mortar, sir; but I makes so free as add to that, +Don't try no impogician with the Nuss, for she will not abear it!' + +Mrs Gamp concluded by drawing her shawl tightly over herself with both +hands, and, as usual, referring to Mrs Harris for full corroboration of +these particulars. She had that peculiar trembling of the head which, +in ladies of her excitable nature, may be taken as a sure indication +of their breaking out again very shortly; when Jonas made a timely +interposition. + +'As you ARE here,' he said, 'you had better see to her, and take her +home. I am otherwise engaged.' He said nothing more; but looked at +Montague as if to give him notice that he was ready to attend him. + +'I am sorry to take you away,' said Montague. + +Jonas gave him a sinister look, which long lived in Tom's memory, and +which he often recalled afterwards. + +'I am, upon my life,' said Montague. 'Why did you make it necessary?' + +With the same dark glance as before, Jonas replied, after a moment's +silence: + +'The necessity is none of my making. You have brought it about +yourself.' + +He said nothing more. He said even this as if he were bound, and in the +other's power, but had a sullen and suppressed devil within him, which +he could not quite resist. His very gait, as they walked away together, +was like that of a fettered man; but, striving to work out at his +clenched hands, knitted brows, and fast-set lips, was the same +imprisoned devil still. + +They got into a handsome cabriolet which was waiting for them and drove +away. + +The whole of this extraordinary scene had passed so rapidly and the +tumult which prevailed around as so unconscious of any impression from +it, that, although Tom had been one of the chief actors, it was like +a dream. No one had noticed him after they had left the packet. He had +stood behind Jonas, and so near him, that he could not help hearing all +that passed. He had stood there, with his sister on his arm, expecting +and hoping to have an opportunity of explaining his strange share in +this yet stranger business. But Jonas had not raised his eyes from the +ground; no one else had even looked towards him; and before he could +resolve on any course of action, they were all gone. + +He gazed round for his landlord. But he had done that more than once +already, and no such man was to be seen. He was still pursuing this +search with his eyes, when he saw a hand beckoning to him from a +hackney-coach; and hurrying towards it, found it was Merry's. She +addressed him hurriedly, but bent out of the window, that she might not +be overheard by her companion, Mrs Gamp. + +'What is it?' she said. 'Good heaven, what is it? Why did he tell me +last night to prepare for a long journey, and why have you brought us +back like criminals? Dear Mr Pinch!' she clasped her hands distractedly, +'be merciful to us. Whatever this dreadful secret is, be merciful, and +God will bless you!' + +'If any power of mercy lay with me,' cried Tom, 'trust me, you shouldn't +ask in vain. But I am far more ignorant and weak than you.' + +She withdrew into the coach again, and he saw the hand waving towards +him for a moment; but whether in reproachfulness or incredulity or +misery, or grief, or sad adieu, or what else, he could not, being so +hurried, understand. SHE was gone now; and Ruth and he were left to walk +away, and wonder. + +Had Mr Nadgett appointed the man who never came, to meet him upon London +Bridge that morning? He was certainly looking over the parapet, and +down upon the steamboat-wharf at that moment. It could not have been +for pleasure; he never took pleasure. No. He must have had some business +there. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-ONE + +MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND, ARRIVING AT A PLEASANT UNDERSTANDING, SET FORTH +UPON AN ENTERPRISE + + +The office of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance +Company being near at hand, and Mr Montague driving Jonas straight +there, they had very little way to go. But the journey might have been +one of several hours' duration, without provoking a remark from either; +for it was clear that Jonas did not mean to break the silence which +prevailed between them, and that it was not, as yet, his dear friend's +cue to tempt them into conversation. + +He had thrown aside his cloak, as having now no motive for concealment, +and with that garment huddled on his knees, sat as far removed from his +companion as the limited space in such a carriage would allow. There +was a striking difference in his manner, compared with what it had been, +within a few minutes, when Tom encountered him so unexpectedly on board +the packet, or when the ugly change had fallen on him in Mr Montague's +dressing-room. He had the aspect of a man found out and held at bay; +of being baffled, hunted, and beset; but there was now a dawning and +increasing purpose in his face, which changed it very much. It was +gloomy, distrustful, lowering; pale with anger and defeat; it still was +humbled, abject, cowardly and mean; but, let the conflict go on as it +would, there was one strong purpose wrestling with every emotion of his +mind, and casting the whole series down as they arose. + +Not prepossessing in appearance at the best of times, it may be readily +supposed that he was not so now. He had left deep marks of his front +teeth in his nether lip; and those tokens of the agitation he had lately +undergone improved his looks as little as the heavy corrugations in his +forehead. But he was self-possessed now; unnaturally self-possessed, +indeed, as men quite otherwise than brave are known to be in desperate +extremities; and when the carriage stopped, he waited for no invitation, +but leapt hardily out, and went upstairs. + +The chairman followed him; and closing the board-room door as soon as +they had entered, threw himself upon a sofa. Jonas stood before the +window, looking down into the street; and leaned against the sash, +resting his head upon his arms. + +'This is not handsome, Chuzzlewit!' said Montague at length. 'Not +handsome upon my soul!' + +'What would you have me do?' he answered, looking round abruptly; 'What +do you expect?' + +'Confidence, my good fellow. Some confidence!' said Montague in an +injured tone. + +'Ecod! You show great confidence in me,' retorted Jonas. 'Don't you?' + +'Do I not?' said his companion, raising his head, and looking at him, +but he had turned again. 'Do I not? Have I not confided to you the easy +schemes I have formed for our advantage; OUR advantage, mind; not mine +alone; and what is my return? Attempted flight!' + +'How do you know that? Who said I meant to fly?' + +'Who said? Come, come. A foreign boat, my friend, an early hour, a +figure wrapped up for disguise! Who said? If you didn't mean to jilt +me, why were you there? If you didn't mean to jilt me, why did you come +back?' + +'I came back,' said Jonas, 'to avoid disturbance.' + +'You were wise,' rejoined his friend. + +Jonas stood quite silent; still looking down into the street, and +resting his head upon his arms. + +'Now, Chuzzlewit,' said Montague, 'notwithstanding what has passed I +will be plain with you. Are you attending to me there? I only see your +back.' + +'I hear you. Go on!' + +'I say that notwithstanding what has passed, I will be plain with you.' + +'You said that before. And I have told you once I heard you say it. Go +on.' + +'You are a little chafed, but I can make allowance for that, and am, +fortunately, myself in the very best of tempers. Now, let us see how +circumstances stand. A day or two ago, I mentioned to you, my dear +fellow, that I thought I had discovered--' + +'Will you hold your tongue?' said Jonas, looking fiercely round, and +glancing at the door. + +'Well, well!' said Montague. 'Judicious! Quite correct! My discoveries +being published, would be like many other men's discoveries in this +honest world; of no further use to me. You see, Chuzzlewit, how +ingenuous and frank I am in showing you the weakness of my own position! +To return. I make, or think I make, a certain discovery which I take +an early opportunity of mentioning in your ear, in that spirit of +confidence which I really hoped did prevail between us, and was +reciprocated by you. Perhaps there is something in it; perhaps there is +nothing. I have my knowledge and opinion on the subject. You have yours. +We will not discuss the question. But, my good fellow, you have been +weak; what I wish to point out to you is, that you have been weak. I may +desire to turn this little incident to my account (indeed, I do--I'll +not deny it), but my account does not lie in probing it, or using it +against you.' + +'What do you call using it against me?' asked Jonas, who had not yet +changed his attitude. + +'Oh!' said Montague, with a laugh. 'We'll not enter into that.' + +'Using it to make a beggar of me. Is that the use you mean?' + +'No.' + +'Ecod,' muttered Jonas, bitterly. 'That's the use in which your account +DOES lie. You speak the truth there.' + +'I wish you to venture (it's a very safe venture) a little more with +us, certainly, and to keep quiet,' said Montague. 'You promised me you +would; and you must. I say it plainly, Chuzzlewit, you MUST. Reason the +matter. If you don't, my secret is worthless to me: and being so, it +may as well become the public property as mine; better, for I shall +gain some credit, bringing it to light. I want you, besides, to act as a +decoy in a case I have already told you of. You don't mind that, I know. +You care nothing for the man (you care nothing for any man; you are +too sharp; so am I, I hope); and could bear any loss of his with +pious fortitude. Ha, ha, ha! You have tried to escape from the first +consequence. You cannot escape it, I assure you. I have shown you that +to-day. Now, I am not a moral man, you know. I am not the least in the +world affected by anything you may have done; by any little indiscretion +you may have committed; but I wish to profit by it if I can; and to a +man of your intelligence I make that free confession. I am not at all +singular in that infirmity. Everybody profits by the indiscretion of his +neighbour; and the people in the best repute, the most. Why do you give +me this trouble? It must come to a friendly agreement, or an unfriendly +crash. It must. If the former, you are very little hurt. If the +latter--well! you know best what is likely to happen then.' + +Jonas left the window, and walked up close to him. He did not look +him in the face; it was not his habit to do that; but he kept his eyes +towards him--on his breast, or thereabouts--and was at great pains +to speak slowly and distinctly in reply. Just as a man in a state of +conscious drunkenness might be. + +'Lying is of no use now,' he said. 'I DID think of getting away this +morning, and making better terms with you from a distance.' + +'To be sure! to be sure!' replied Montague. 'Nothing more natural. I +foresaw that, and provided against it. But I am afraid I am interrupting +you.' + +'How the devil,' pursued Jonas, with a still greater effort, 'you made +choice of your messenger, and where you found him, I'll not ask you. I +owed him one good turn before to-day. If you are so careless of men in +general, as you said you were just now, you are quite indifferent to +what becomes of such a crop-tailed cur as that, and will leave me to +settle my account with him in my own manner.' + +If he had raised his eyes to his companion's face, he would have seen +that Montague was evidently unable to comprehend his meaning. But +continuing to stand before him, with his furtive gaze directed as +before, and pausing here only to moisten his dry lips with his tongue, +the fact was lost upon him. It might have struck a close observer that +this fixed and steady glance of Jonas's was a part of the alteration +which had taken place in his demeanour. He kept it riveted on one spot, +with which his thoughts had manifestly nothing to do; like as a juggler +walking on a cord or wire to any dangerous end, holds some object in his +sight to steady him, and never wanders from it, lest he trip. + +Montague was quick in his rejoinder, though he made it at a venture. +There was no difference of opinion between him and his friend on THAT +point. Not the least. + +'Your great discovery,' Jonas proceeded, with a savage sneer that +got the better of him for the moment, 'may be true, and may be false. +Whichever it is, I dare say I'm no worse than other men.' + +'Not a bit,' said Tigg. 'Not a bit. We're all alike--or nearly so.' + +'I want to know this,' Jonas went on to say; 'is it your own? You'll not +wonder at my asking the question.' + +'My own!' repeated Montague. + +'Aye!' returned the other, gruffly. 'Is it known to anybody else? Come! +Don't waver about that.' + +'No!' said Montague, without the smallest hesitation. 'What would it be +worth, do you think, unless I had the keeping of it?' + +Now, for the first time, Jonas looked at him. After a pause, he put out +his hand, and said, with a laugh: + +'Come! make things easy to me, and I'm yours. I don't know that I may +not be better off here, after all, than if I had gone away this morning. +But here I am, and here I'll stay now. Take your oath!' + +He cleared his throat, for he was speaking hoarsely and said in a +lighter tone: + +'Shall I go to Pecksniff? When? Say when!' + +'Immediately!' cried Montague. 'He cannot be enticed too soon.' + +'Ecod!' cried Jonas, with a wild laugh. 'There's some fun in catching +that old hypocrite. I hate him. Shall I go to-night?' + +'Aye! This,' said Montague, ecstatically, 'is like business! We +understand each other now! To-night, my good fellow, by all means.' + +'Come with me,' cried Jonas. 'We must make a dash; go down in state, and +carry documents, for he's a deep file to deal with, and must be drawn +on with an artful hand, or he'll not follow. I know him. As I can't +take your lodgings or your dinners down, I must take you. Will you come +to-night?' + +His friend appeared to hesitate; and neither to have anticipated this +proposal, nor to relish it very much. + +'We can concert our plans upon the road,' said Jonas. 'We must not go +direct to him, but cross over from some other place, and turn out of our +way to see him. I may not want to introduce you, but I must have you on +the spot. I know the man, I tell you.' + +'But what if the man knows me?' said Montague, shrugging his shoulders. + +'He know!' cried Jonas. 'Don't you run that risk with fifty men a day! +Would your father know you? Did I know you? Ecod! You were another +figure when I saw you first. Ha, ha, ha! I see the rents and patches +now! No false hair then, no black dye! You were another sort of joker +in those days, you were! You even spoke different then. You've acted +the gentleman so seriously since, that you've taken in yourself. If he +should know you, what does it matter? Such a change is a proof of your +success. You know that, or you would not have made yourself known to me. +Will you come?' + +'My good fellow,' said Montague, still hesitating, 'I can trust you +alone.' + +'Trust me! Ecod, you may trust me now, far enough. I'll try to go away +no more--no more!' He stopped, and added in a more sober tone, 'I can't +get on without you. Will you come?' + +'I will,' said Montague, 'if that's your opinion.' And they shook hands +upon it. + +The boisterous manner which Jonas had exhibited during the latter part +of this conversation, and which had gone on rapidly increasing with +almost every word he had spoken, from the time when he looked his +honourable friend in the face until now, did not now subside, but, +remaining at its height, abided by him. Most unusual with him at any +period; most inconsistent with his temper and constitution; especially +unnatural it would appear in one so darkly circumstanced; it abided by +him. It was not like the effect of wine, or any ardent drink, for he was +perfectly coherent. It even made him proof against the usual influence +of such means of excitement; for, although he drank deeply several times +that day, with no reserve or caution, he remained exactly the same man, +and his spirits neither rose nor fell in the least observable degree. + +Deciding, after some discussion, to travel at night, in order that the +day's business might not be broken in upon, they took counsel together +in reference to the means. Mr Montague being of opinion that four horses +were advisable, at all events for the first stage, as throwing a great +deal of dust into people's eyes, in more senses than one, a travelling +chariot and four lay under orders for nine o'clock. Jonas did not go +home; observing, that his being obliged to leave town on business in +so great a hurry, would be a good excuse for having turned back so +unexpectedly in the morning. So he wrote a note for his portmanteau, and +sent it by a messenger, who duly brought his luggage back, with a short +note from that other piece of luggage, his wife, expressive of her wish +to be allowed to come and see him for a moment. To this request he sent +for answer, 'she had better;' and one such threatening affirmative being +sufficient, in defiance of the English grammar, to express a negative, +she kept away. + +Mr Montague being much engaged in the course of the day, Jonas bestowed +his spirits chiefly on the doctor, with whom he lunched in the medical +officer's own room. On his way thither, encountering Mr Nadgett in the +outer room, he bantered that stealthy gentleman on always appearing +anxious to avoid him, and inquired if he were afraid of him. Mr Nadgett +slyly answered, 'No, but he believed it must be his way as he had been +charged with much the same kind of thing before.' + +Mr Montague was listening to, or, to speak with greater elegance, he +overheard, this dialogue. As soon as Jonas was gone he beckoned Nadgett +to him with the feather of his pen, and whispered in his ear. + +'Who gave him my letter this morning?' + +'My lodger, sir,' said Nadgett, behind the palm of his hand. + +'How came that about?' + +'I found him on the wharf, sir. Being so much hurried, and you not +arrived, it was necessary to do something. It fortunately occurred to +me, that if I gave it him myself I could be of no further use. I should +have been blown upon immediately.' + +'Mr Nadgett, you are a jewel,' said Montague, patting him on the back. +'What's your lodger's name?' + +'Pinch, sir. Thomas Pinch.' + +Montague reflected for a little while, and then asked: + +'From the country, do you know?' + +'From Wiltshire, sir, he told me.' + +They parted without another word. To see Mr Nadgett's bow when Montague +and he next met, and to see Mr Montague acknowledge it, anybody might +have undertaken to swear that they had never spoken to each other +confidentially in all their lives. + +In the meanwhile, Mr Jonas and the doctor made themselves very +comfortable upstairs, over a bottle of the old Madeira and some +sandwiches; for the doctor having been already invited to dine below at +six o'clock, preferred a light repast for lunch. It was advisable, he +said, in two points of view: First, as being healthy in itself. Secondly +as being the better preparation for dinner. + +'And you are bound for all our sakes to take particular care of your +digestion, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sir,' said the doctor smacking his +lips after a glass of wine; 'for depend upon it, it is worth preserving. +It must be in admirable condition, sir; perfect chronometer-work. +Otherwise your spirits could not be so remarkable. Your bosom's lord +sits lightly on its throne, Mr Chuzzlewit, as what's-his-name says in +the play. I wish he said it in a play which did anything like common +justice to our profession, by the bye. There is an apothecary in +that drama, sir, which is a low thing; vulgar, sir; out of nature +altogether.' + +Mr Jobling pulled out his shirt-frill of fine linen, as though he would +have said, 'This is what I call nature in a medical man, sir;' and +looked at Jonas for an observation. + +Jonas not being in a condition to pursue the subject, took up a case of +lancets that was lying on the table, and opened it. + +'Ah!' said the doctor, leaning back in his chair, 'I always take 'em out +of my pocket before I eat. My pockets are rather tight. Ha, ha, ha!' + +Jonas had opened one of the shining little instruments; and was +scrutinizing it with a look as sharp and eager as its own bright edge. + +'Good steel, doctor. Good steel! Eh!' + +'Ye-es,' replied the doctor, with the faltering modesty of ownership. +'One might open a vein pretty dexterously with that, Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +'It has opened a good many in its time, I suppose?' said Jonas looking +at it with a growing interest. + +'Not a few, my dear sir, not a few. It has been engaged in a--in a +pretty good practice, I believe I may say,' replied the doctor, coughing +as if the matter-of-fact were so very dry and literal that he couldn't +help it. 'In a pretty good practice,' repeated the doctor, putting +another glass of wine to his lips. + +'Now, could you cut a man's throat with such a thing as this?' demanded +Jonas. + +'Oh certainly, certainly, if you took him in the right place,' returned +the doctor. 'It all depends upon that.' + +'Where you have your hand now, hey?' cried Jonas, bending forward to +look at it. + +'Yes,' said the doctor; 'that's the jugular.' + +Jonas, in his vivacity, made a sudden sawing in the air, so close behind +the doctor's jugular that he turned quite red. Then Jonas (in the same +strange spirit of vivacity) burst into a loud discordant laugh. + +'No, no,' said the doctor, shaking his head; 'edge tools, edge tools; +never play with 'em. A very remarkable instance of the skillful use of +edge-tools, by the way, occurs to me at this moment. It was a case of +murder. I am afraid it was a case of murder, committed by a member of +our profession; it was so artistically done.' + +'Aye!' said Jonas. 'How was that?' + +'Why, sir,' returned Jobling, 'the thing lies in a nutshell. A certain +gentleman was found, one morning, in an obscure street, lying in +an angle of a doorway--I should rather say, leaning, in an upright +position, in the angle of a doorway, and supported consequently by the +doorway. Upon his waistcoat there was one solitary drop of blood. He was +dead and cold; and had been murdered, sir.' + +'Only one drop of blood!' said Jonas. + +'Sir, that man,' replied the doctor, 'had been stabbed to the heart. +Had been stabbed to the heart with such dexterity, sir, that he had +died instantly, and had bled internally. It was supposed that a +medical friend of his (to whom suspicion attached) had engaged him in +conversation on some pretence; had taken him, very likely, by the button +in a conversational manner; had examined his ground at leisure with +his other hand; had marked the exact spot; drawn out the instrument, +whatever it was, when he was quite prepared; and--' + +'And done the trick,' suggested Jonas. + +'Exactly so,' replied the doctor. 'It was quite an operation in its way, +and very neat. The medical friend never turned up; and, as I tell you, +he had the credit of it. Whether he did it or not I can't say. +But, having had the honour to be called in with two or three of my +professional brethren on the occasion, and having assisted to make a +careful examination of the wound, I have no hesitation in saying that +it would have reflected credit on any medical man; and that in an +unprofessional person it could not but be considered, either as an +extraordinary work of art, or the result of a still more extraordinary, +happy, and favourable conjunction of circumstances.' + +His hearer was so much interested in this case, that the doctor went +on to elucidate it with the assistance of his own finger and thumb and +waistcoat; and at Jonas's request, he took the further trouble of going +into a corner of the room, and alternately representing the murdered +man and the murderer; which he did with great effect. The bottle being +emptied and the story done, Jonas was in precisely the same boisterous +and unusual state as when they had sat down. If, as Jobling theorized, +his good digestion were the cause, he must have been a very ostrich. + +At dinner it was just the same; and after dinner too; though wine was +drunk in abundance, and various rich meats eaten. At nine o'clock it was +still the same. There being a lamp in the carriage, he swore they would +take a pack of cards, and a bottle of wine; and with these things under +his cloak, went down to the door. + +'Out of the way, Tom Thumb, and get to bed!' + +This was the salutation he bestowed on Mr Bailey, who, booted and +wrapped up, stood at the carriage door to help him in. + +'To bed, sir! I'm a-going, too,' said Bailey. + +He alighted quickly, and walked back into the hall, where Montague was +lighting a cigar; conducting Mr Bailey with him, by the collar. + +'You are not a-going to take this monkey of a boy, are you?' + +'Yes,' said Montague. + +He gave the boy a shake, and threw him roughly aside. There was more of +his familiar self in the action, than in anything he had done that day; +but he broke out laughing immediately afterwards, and making a thrust +at the doctor with his hand, in imitation of his representation of the +medical friend, went out to the carriage again, and took his seat. His +companion followed immediately. Mr Bailey climbed into the rumble. 'It +will be a stormy night!' exclaimed the doctor, as they started. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-TWO + +CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +The doctor's prognostication in reference to the weather was speedily +verified. Although the weather was not a patient of his, and no third +party had required him to give an opinion on the case, the quick +fulfilment of his prophecy may be taken as an instance of his +professional tact; for, unless the threatening aspect of the night +had been perfectly plain and unmistakable, Mr Jobling would never have +compromised his reputation by delivering any sentiments on the subject. +He used this principle in Medicine with too much success to be unmindful +of it in his commonest transactions. + +It was one of those hot, silent nights, when people sit at windows +listening for the thunder which they know will shortly break; when +they recall dismal tales of hurricanes and earthquakes; and of lonely +travellers on open plains, and lonely ships at sea, struck by lightning. +Lightning flashed and quivered on the black horizon even now; and hollow +murmurings were in the wind, as though it had been blowing where the +thunder rolled, and still was charged with its exhausted echoes. But the +storm, though gathering swiftly, had not yet come up; and the prevailing +stillness was the more solemn, from the dull intelligence that seemed to +hover in the air, of noise and conflict afar off. + +It was very dark; but in the murky sky there were masses of cloud which +shone with a lurid light, like monstrous heaps of copper that had been +heated in a furnace, and were growing cold. These had been advancing +steadily and slowly, but they were now motionless, or nearly so. As the +carriage clattered round the corners of the streets, it passed at every +one a knot of persons who had come there--many from their houses close +at hand, without hats--to look up at that quarter of the sky. And now a +very few large drops of rain began to fall, and thunder rumbled in the +distance. + +Jonas sat in a corner of the carriage with his bottle resting on his +knee, and gripped as tightly in his hand as if he would have ground its +neck to powder if he could. Instinctively attracted by the night, he +had laid aside the pack of cards upon the cushion; and with the same +involuntary impulse, so intelligible to both of them as not to occasion +a remark on either side, his companion had extinguished the lamp. The +front glasses were down; and they sat looking silently out upon the +gloomy scene before them. + +They were clear of London, or as clear of it as travellers can be whose +way lies on the Western Road, within a stage of that enormous city. +Occasionally they encountered a foot-passenger, hurrying to the nearest +place of shelter; or some unwieldy cart proceeding onward at a heavy +trot, with the same end in view. Little clusters of such vehicles were +gathered round the stable-yard or baiting-place of every wayside tavern; +while their drivers watched the weather from the doors and open windows, +or made merry within. Everywhere the people were disposed to bear each +other company rather than sit alone; so that groups of watchful faces +seemed to be looking out upon the night AND THEM, from almost every +house they passed. + +It may appear strange that this should have disturbed Jonas, or rendered +him uneasy; but it did. After muttering to himself, and often changing +his position, he drew up the blind on his side of the carriage, and +turned his shoulder sulkily towards it. But he neither looked at his +companion, nor broke the silence which prevailed between them, and which +had fallen so suddenly upon himself, by addressing a word to him. + +The thunder rolled, the lightning flashed; the rain poured down like +Heaven's wrath. Surrounded at one moment by intolerable light, and +at the next by pitchy darkness, they still pressed forward on their +journey. Even when they arrived at the end of the stage, and might have +tarried, they did not; but ordered horses out immediately. Nor had this +any reference to some five minutes' lull, which at that time seemed to +promise a cessation of the storm. They held their course as if they were +impelled and driven by its fury. Although they had not exchanged a dozen +words, and might have tarried very well, they seemed to feel, by joint +consent, that onward they must go. + +Louder and louder the deep thunder rolled, as through the myriad +halls of some vast temple in the sky; fiercer and brighter became the +lightning, more and more heavily the rain poured down. The horses (they +were travelling now with a single pair) plunged and started from the +rills of quivering fire that seemed to wind along the ground before +them; but there these two men sat, and forward they went as if they were +led on by an invisible attraction. + +The eye, partaking of the quickness of the flashing light, saw in its +every gleam a multitude of objects which it could not see at steady noon +in fifty times that period. Bells in steeples, with the rope and wheel +that moved them; ragged nests of birds in cornices and nooks; faces full +of consternation in the tilted waggons that came tearing past; their +frightened teams ringing out a warning which the thunder drowned; +harrows and ploughs left out in fields; miles upon miles of +hedge-divided country, with the distant fringe of trees as obvious as +the scarecrow in the bean-field close at hand; in a trembling, vivid, +flickering instant, everything was clear and plain; then came a flush +of red into the yellow light; a change to blue; a brightness so +intense that there was nothing else but light; and then the deepest and +profoundest darkness. + +The lightning being very crooked and very dazzling may have presented +or assisted a curious optical illusion, which suddenly rose before the +startled eyes of Montague in the carriage, and as rapidly disappeared. +He thought he saw Jonas with his hand lifted, and the bottle clenched in +it like a hammer, making as if he would aim a blow at his head. At the +same time he observed (or so believed) an expression in his face--a +combination of the unnatural excitement he had shown all day, with a +wild hatred and fear--which might have rendered a wolf a less terrible +companion. + +He uttered an involuntary exclamation, and called to the driver, who +brought his horses to a stop with all speed. + +It could hardly have been as he supposed, for although he had not taken +his eyes off his companion, and had not seen him move, he sat reclining +in his corner as before. + +'What's the matter?' said Jonas. 'Is that your general way of waking out +of your sleep?' + +'I could swear,' returned the other, 'that I have not closed my eyes!' + +'When you have sworn it,' said Jonas, composedly, 'we had better go on +again, if you have only stopped for that.' + +He uncorked the bottle with the help of his teeth; and putting it to his +lips, took a long draught. + +'I wish we had never started on this journey. This is not,' said +Montague, recoiling instinctively, and speaking in a voice that betrayed +his agitation; 'this is not a night to travel in.' + +'Ecod! you're right there,' returned Jonas, 'and we shouldn't be out +in it but for you. If you hadn't kept me waiting all day, we might have +been at Salisbury by this time; snug abed and fast asleep. What are we +stopping for?' + +His companion put his head out of window for a moment, and drawing it in +again, observed (as if that were his cause of anxiety), that the boy was +drenched to the skin. + +'Serve him right,' said Jonas. 'I'm glad of it. What the devil are we +stopping for? Are you going to spread him out to dry?' + +'I have half a mind to take him inside,' observed the other with some +hesitation. + +'Oh! thankee!' said Jonas. 'We don't want any damp boys here; especially +a young imp like him. Let him be where he is. He ain't afraid of a +little thunder and lightning, I dare say; whoever else is. Go on, +driver. We had better have HIM inside perhaps,' he muttered with a +laugh; 'and the horses!' + +'Don't go too fast,' cried Montague to the postillion; 'and take care +how you go. You were nearly in the ditch when I called to you.' + +This was not true; and Jonas bluntly said so, as they moved forward +again. Montague took little or no heed of what he said, but repeated +that it was not a night for travelling, and showed himself, both then +and afterwards, unusually anxious. + +From this time Jonas recovered his former spirits, if such a term may be +employed to express the state in which he had left the city. He had his +bottle often at his mouth; roared out snatches of songs, without the +least regard to time or tune or voice, or anything but loud discordance; +and urged his silent friend to be merry with him. + +'You're the best company in the world, my good fellow,' said Montague +with an effort, 'and in general irresistible; but to-night--do you hear +it?' + +'Ecod! I hear and see it too,' cried Jonas, shading his eyes, for the +moment, from the lightning which was flashing, not in any one direction, +but all around them. 'What of that? It don't change you, nor me, nor our +affairs. Chorus, chorus, + + It may lighten and storm, + Till it hunt the red worm + From the grass where the gibbet is driven; + But it can't hurt the dead, + And it won't save the head + That is doom'd to be rifled and riven. + +That must be a precious old song,' he added with an oath, as he stopped +short in a kind of wonder at himself. 'I haven't heard it since I was +a boy, and how it comes into my head now, unless the lightning put it +there, I don't know. "Can't hurt the dead"! No, no. "And won't save the +head"! No, no. No! Ha, ha, ha!' + +His mirth was of such a savage and extraordinary character, and was, +in an inexplicable way, at once so suited to the night, and yet such +a coarse intrusion on its terrors, that his fellow-traveller, always +a coward, shrunk from him in positive fear. Instead of Jonas being his +tool and instrument, their places seemed to be reversed. But there was +reason for this too, Montague thought; since the sense of his debasement +might naturally inspire such a man with the wish to assert a noisy +independence, and in that licence to forget his real condition. Being +quick enough, in reference to such subjects of contemplation, he was not +long in taking this argument into account and giving it its full weight. +But still, he felt a vague sense of alarm, and was depressed and uneasy. + +He was certain he had not been asleep; but his eyes might have deceived +him; for, looking at Jonas now in any interval of darkness, he could +represent his figure to himself in any attitude his state of mind +suggested. On the other hand, he knew full well that Jonas had no +reason to love him; and even taking the piece of pantomime which had +so impressed his mind to be a real gesture, and not the working of +his fancy, the most that could be said of it was, that it was quite in +keeping with the rest of his diabolical fun, and had the same impotent +expression of truth in it. 'If he could kill me with a wish,' thought +the swindler, 'I should not live long.' + +He resolved that when he should have had his use of Jonas, he would +restrain him with an iron curb; in the meantime, that he could not do +better than leave him to take his own way, and preserve his own peculiar +description of good-humour, after his own uncommon manner. It was no +great sacrifice to bear with him; 'for when all is got that can be got,' +thought Montague, 'I shall decamp across the water, and have the laugh +on my side--and the gains.' + +Such were his reflections from hour to hour; his state of mind being one +in which the same thoughts constantly present themselves over and +over again in wearisome repetition; while Jonas, who appeared to have +dismissed reflection altogether, entertained himself as before. +They agreed that they would go to Salisbury, and would cross to Mr +Pecksniff's in the morning; and at the prospect of deluding that worthy +gentleman, the spirits of his amiable son-in-law became more boisterous +than ever. + +As the night wore on, the thunder died away, but still rolled +gloomily and mournfully in the distance. The lightning too, though now +comparatively harmless, was yet bright and frequent. The rain was quite +as violent as it had ever been. + +It was their ill-fortune, at about the time of dawn and in the last +stage of their journey, to have a restive pair of horses. These animals +had been greatly terrified in their stable by the tempest; and coming +out into the dreary interval between night and morning, when the glare +of the lightning was yet unsubdued by day, and the various objects in +their view were presented in indistinct and exaggerated shapes which +they would not have worn by night, they gradually became less and less +capable of control; until, taking a sudden fright at something by the +roadside, they dashed off wildly down a steep hill, flung the driver +from his saddle, drew the carriage to the brink of a ditch, stumbled +headlong down, and threw it crashing over. + +The travellers had opened the carriage door, and had either jumped or +fallen out. Jonas was the first to stagger to his feet. He felt sick and +weak, and very giddy, and reeling to a five-barred gate, stood holding +by it; looking drowsily about as the whole landscape swam before his +eyes. But, by degrees, he grew more conscious, and presently observed +that Montague was lying senseless in the road, within a few feet of the +horses. + +In an instant, as if his own faint body were suddenly animated by a +demon, he ran to the horses' heads; and pulling at their bridles with +all his force, set them struggling and plunging with such mad violence +as brought their hoofs at every effort nearer to the skull of the +prostrate man; and must have led in half a minute to his brains being +dashed out on the highway. + +As he did this, he fought and contended with them like a man possessed, +making them wilder by his cries. + +'Whoop!' cried Jonas. 'Whoop! again! another! A little more, a little +more! Up, ye devils! Hillo!' + +As he heard the driver, who had risen and was hurrying up, crying to him +to desist, his violence increased. + +'Hiilo! Hillo!' cried Jonas. + +'For God's sake!' cried the driver. 'The gentleman--in the road--he'll +be killed!' + +The same shouts and the same struggles were his only answer. But the man +darting in at the peril of his own life, saved Montague's, by dragging +him through the mire and water out of the reach of present harm. That +done, he ran to Jonas; and with the aid of his knife they very shortly +disengaged the horses from the broken chariot, and got them, cut and +bleeding, on their legs again. The postillion and Jonas had now leisure +to look at each other, which they had not had yet. + +'Presence of mind, presence of mind!' cried Jonas, throwing up his hands +wildly. 'What would you have done without me?' + +'The other gentleman would have done badly without ME,' returned the +man, shaking his head. 'You should have moved him first. I gave him up +for dead.' + +'Presence of mind, you croaker, presence of mind' cried Jonas with a +harsh loud laugh. 'Was he struck, do you think?' + +They both turned to look at him. Jonas muttered something to himself, +when he saw him sitting up beneath the hedge, looking vacantly around. + +'What's the matter?' asked Montague. 'Is anybody hurt?' + +'Ecod!' said Jonas, 'it don't seem so. There are no bones broken, after +all.' + +They raised him, and he tried to walk. He was a good deal shaken, and +trembled very much. But with the exception of a few cuts and bruises +this was all the damage he had sustained. + +'Cuts and bruises, eh?' said Jonas. 'We've all got them. Only cuts and +bruises, eh?' + +'I wouldn't have given sixpence for the gentleman's head in half-a-dozen +seconds more, for all he's only cut and bruised,' observed the post-boy. +'If ever you're in an accident of this sort again, sir; which I hope +you won't be; never you pull at the bridle of a horse that's down, when +there's a man's head in the way. That can't be done twice without there +being a dead man in the case; it would have ended in that, this time, as +sure as ever you were born, if I hadn't come up just when I did.' + +Jonas replied by advising him with a curse to hold his tongue, and to go +somewhere, whither he was not very likely to go of his own accord. But +Montague, who had listened eagerly to every word, himself diverted the +subject, by exclaiming: 'Where's the boy?' + +'Ecod! I forgot that monkey,' said Jonas. 'What's become of him?' A very +brief search settled that question. The unfortunate Mr Bailey had been +thrown sheer over the hedge or the five-barred gate; and was lying in +the neighbouring field, to all appearance dead. + +'When I said to-night, that I wished I had never started on this +journey,' cried his master, 'I knew it was an ill-fated one. Look at +this boy!' + +'Is that all?' growled Jonas. 'If you call THAT a sign of it--' + +'Why, what should I call a sign of it?' asked Montague, hurriedly. 'What +do you mean?' + +'I mean,' said Jonas, stooping down over the body, 'that I never heard +you were his father, or had any particular reason to care much about +him. Halloa. Hold up there!' + +But the boy was past holding up, or being held up, or giving any other +sign of life than a faint and fitful beating of the heart. After some +discussion the driver mounted the horse which had been least injured, +and took the lad in his arms as well as he could; while Montague and +Jonas, leading the other horse, and carrying a trunk between them, +walked by his side towards Salisbury. + +'You'd get there in a few minutes, and be able to send assistance to +meet us, if you went forward, post-boy,' said Jonas. 'Trot on!' + +'No, no,' cried Montague; 'we'll keep together.' + +'Why, what a chicken you are! You are not afraid of being robbed; are +you?' said Jonas. + +'I am not afraid of anything,' replied the other, whose looks and manner +were in flat contradiction to his words. 'But we'll keep together.' + +'You were mighty anxious about the boy, a minute ago,' said Jonas. 'I +suppose you know that he may die in the meantime?' + +'Aye, aye. I know. But we'll keep together.' + +As it was clear that he was not to be moved from this determination, +Jonas made no other rejoinder than such as his face expressed; and they +proceeded in company. They had three or four good miles to travel; and +the way was not made easier by the state of the road, the burden by +which they were embarrassed, or their own stiff and sore condition. +After a sufficiently long and painful walk, they arrived at the Inn; and +having knocked the people up (it being yet very early in the morning), +sent out messengers to see to the carriage and its contents, and roused +a surgeon from his bed to tend the chief sufferer. All the service he +could render, he rendered promptly and skillfully. But he gave it as +his opinion that the boy was labouring under a severe concussion of the +brain, and that Mr Bailey's mortal course was run. + +If Montague's strong interest in the announcement could have been +considered as unselfish in any degree, it might have been a redeeming +trait in a character that had no such lineaments to spare. But it was +not difficult to see that, for some unexpressed reason best appreciated +by himself, he attached a strange value to the company and presence of +this mere child. When, after receiving some assistance from the surgeon +himself, he retired to the bedroom prepared for him, and it was broad +day, his mind was still dwelling on this theme. + +'I would rather have lost,' he said, 'a thousand pounds than lost the +boy just now. But I'll return home alone. I am resolved upon that. +Chuzzlewit shall go forward first, and I will follow in my own time. +I'll have no more of this,' he added, wiping his damp forehead. +'Twenty-four hours of this would turn my hair grey!' + +After examining his chamber, and looking under the bed, and in the +cupboards, and even behind the curtains, with unusual caution (although +it was, as has been said, broad day), he double-locked the door by which +he had entered, and retired to rest. There was another door in the +room, but it was locked on the outer side; and with what place it +communicated, he knew not. + +His fears or evil conscience reproduced this door in all his dreams. He +dreamed that a dreadful secret was connected with it; a secret which he +knew, and yet did not know, for although he was heavily responsible +for it, and a party to it, he was harassed even in his vision by +a distracting uncertainty in reference to its import. Incoherently +entwined with this dream was another, which represented it as the +hiding-place of an enemy, a shadow, a phantom; and made it the business +of his life to keep the terrible creature closed up, and prevent it +from forcing its way in upon him. With this view Nadgett, and he, and a +strange man with a bloody smear upon his head (who told him that he +had been his playfellow, and told him, too, the real name of an old +schoolmate, forgotten until then), worked with iron plates and nails to +make the door secure; but though they worked never so hard, it was all +in vain, for the nails broke, or changed to soft twigs, or what was +worse, to worms, between their fingers; the wood of the door splintered +and crumbled, so that even nails would not remain in it; and the iron +plates curled up like hot paper. All this time the creature on the other +side--whether it was in the shape of man, or beast, he neither knew nor +sought to know--was gaining on them. But his greatest terror was when +the man with the bloody smear upon his head demanded of him if he knew +this creatures name, and said that he would whisper it. At this the +dreamer fell upon his knees, his whole blood thrilling with inexplicable +fear, and held his ears. But looking at the speaker's lips, he saw that +they formed the utterance of the letter 'J'; and crying out aloud that +the secret was discovered, and they were all lost, he awoke. + +Awoke to find Jonas standing at his bedside watching him. And that very +door wide open. + +As their eyes met, Jonas retreated a few paces, and Montague sprang out +of bed. + +'Heyday!' said Jonas. 'You're all alive this morning.' + +'Alive!' the other stammered, as he pulled the bell-rope violently. +'What are you doing here?' + +'It's your room to be sure,' said Jonas; 'but I'm almost inclined to ask +you what YOU are doing here? My room is on the other side of that +door. No one told me last night not to open it. I thought it led into a +passage, and was coming out to order breakfast. There's--there's no bell +in my room.' + +Montague had in the meantime admitted the man with his hot water and +boots, who hearing this, said, yes, there was; and passed into the +adjoining room to point it out, at the head of the bed. + +'I couldn't find it, then,' said Jonas; 'it's all the same. Shall I +order breakfast?' + +Montague answered in the affirmative. When Jonas had retired, whistling, +through his own room, he opened the door of communication, to take out +the key and fasten it on the inner side. But it was taken out already. + +He dragged a table against the door, and sat down to collect himself, as +if his dreams still had some influence upon his mind. + +'An evil journey,' he repeated several times. 'An evil journey. But I'll +travel home alone. I'll have no more of this.' + +His presentiment, or superstition, that it was an evil journey, did +not at all deter him from doing the evil for which the journey was +undertaken. With this in view, he dressed himself more carefully than +usual to make a favourable impression on Mr Pecksniff; and, reassured by +his own appearance, the beauty of the morning, and the flashing of +the wet boughs outside his window in the merry sunshine, was soon +sufficiently inspirited to swear a few round oaths, and hum the fag-end +of a song. + +But he still muttered to himself at intervals, for all that: 'I'll +travel home alone!' + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-THREE + +HAS AN INFLUENCE ON THE FORTUNES OF SEVERAL PEOPLE. MR PECKSNIFF IS +EXHIBITED IN THE PLENITUDE OF POWER; AND WIELDS THE SAME WITH FORTITUDE +AND MAGNANIMITY + + +On the night of the storm, Mrs Lupin, hostess of the Blue Dragon, sat by +herself in her little bar. Her solitary condition, or the bad weather, +or both united, made Mrs Lupin thoughtful, not to say sorrowful. As she +sat with her chin upon her hand, looking out through a low back lattice, +rendered dim in the brightest day-time by clustering vine-leaves, she +shook her head very often, and said, 'Dear me! Oh, dear, dear me!' + +It was a melancholy time, even in the snugness of the Dragon bar. +The rich expanse of corn-field, pasture-land, green slope, and gentle +undulation, with its sparkling brooks, its many hedgerows, and its +clumps of beautiful trees, was black and dreary, from the diamond panes +of the lattice away to the far horizon, where the thunder seemed to roll +along the hills. The heavy rain beat down the tender branches of vine +and jessamine, and trampled on them in its fury; and when the lightning +gleamed it showed the tearful leaves shivering and cowering together at +the window, and tapping at it urgently, as if beseeching to be sheltered +from the dismal night. + +As a mark of her respect for the lightning, Mrs Lupin had removed her +candle to the chimney-piece. Her basket of needle-work stood unheeded +at her elbow; her supper, spread on a round table not far off, was +untasted; and the knives had been removed for fear of attraction. She +had sat for a long time with her chin upon her hand, saying to herself +at intervals, 'Dear me! Ah, dear, dear me!' + +She was on the eve of saying so, once more, when the latch of the +house-door (closed to keep the rain out), rattled on its well-worn +catch, and a traveller came in, who, shutting it after him, and walking +straight up to the half-door of the bar, said, rather gruffly: + +'A pint of the best old beer here.' + +He had some reason to be gruff, for if he had passed the day in a +waterfall, he could scarcely have been wetter than he was. He was +wrapped up to the eyes in a rough blue sailor's coat, and had an +oil-skin hat on, from the capacious brim of which the rain fell +trickling down upon his breast, and back, and shoulders. Judging from a +certain liveliness of chin--he had so pulled down his hat, and pulled up +his collar, to defend himself from the weather, that she could only +see his chin, and even across that he drew the wet sleeve of his shaggy +coat, as she looked at him--Mrs Lupin set him down for a good-natured +fellow, too. + +'A bad night!' observed the hostess cheerfully. + +The traveller shook himself like a Newfoundland dog, and said it was, +rather. + +'There's a fire in the kitchen,' said Mrs Lupin, 'and very good company +there. Hadn't you better go and dry yourself?' + +'No, thankee,' said the man, glancing towards the kitchen as he spoke; +he seemed to know the way. + +'It's enough to give you your death of cold,' observed the hostess. + +'I don't take my death easy,' returned the traveller; 'or I should most +likely have took it afore to-night. Your health, ma'am!' + +Mrs Lupin thanked him; but in the act of lifting the tankard to his +mouth, he changed his mind, and put it down again. Throwing his body +back, and looking about him stiffly, as a man does who is wrapped up, +and has his hat low down over his eyes, he said: + +'What do you call this house? Not the Dragon, do you?' + +Mrs Lupin complacently made answer, 'Yes, the Dragon.' + +'Why, then, you've got a sort of a relation of mine here, ma'am,' said +the traveller; 'a young man of the name of Tapley. What! Mark, my boy!' +apostrophizing the premises, 'have I come upon you at last, old buck!' + +This was touching Mrs Lupin on a tender point. She turned to trim +the candle on the chimney-piece, and said, with her back towards the +traveller: + +'Nobody should be made more welcome at the Dragon, master, than any one +who brought me news of Mark. But it's many and many a long day and month +since he left here and England. And whether he's alive or dead, poor +fellow, Heaven above us only knows!' + +She shook her head, and her voice trembled; her hand must have done so +too, for the light required a deal of trimming. + +'Where did he go, ma'am?' asked the traveller, in a gentler voice. + +'He went,' said Mrs Lupin, with increased distress, 'to America. He was +always tender-hearted and kind, and perhaps at this moment may be lying +in prison under sentence of death, for taking pity on some miserable +black, and helping the poor runaway creetur to escape. How could he ever +go to America! Why didn't he go to some of those countries where the +savages eat each other fairly, and give an equal chance to every one!' + +Quite subdued by this time, Mrs Lupin sobbed, and was retiring to a +chair to give her grief free vent, when the traveller caught her in his +arms, and she uttered a glad cry of recognition. + +'Yes, I will!' cried Mark, 'another--one more--twenty more! You +didn't know me in that hat and coat? I thought you would have known me +anywheres! Ten more!' + +'So I should have known you, if I could have seen you; but I couldn't, +and you spoke so gruff. I didn't think you could speak gruff to me, +Mark, at first coming back.' + +'Fifteen more!' said Mr Tapley. 'How handsome and how young you look! +Six more! The last half-dozen warn't a fair one, and must be done over +again. Lord bless you, what a treat it is to see you! One more! Well, I +never was so jolly. Just a few more, on account of there not being any +credit in it!' + +When Mr Tapley stopped in these calculations in simple addition, he did +it, not because he was at all tired of the exercise, but because he was +out of breath. The pause reminded him of other duties. + +'Mr Martin Chuzzlewit's outside,' he said. 'I left him under the +cartshed, while I came on to see if there was anybody here. We want to +keep quiet to-night, till we know the news from you, and what it's best +for us to do.' + +'There's not a soul in the house, except the kitchen company,' returned +the hostess. 'If they were to know you had come back, Mark, they'd have +a bonfire in the street, late as it is.' + +'But they mustn't know it to-night, my precious soul,' said Mark; 'so +have the house shut, and the kitchen fire made up; and when it's all +ready, put a light in the winder, and we'll come in. One more! I long +to hear about old friends. You'll tell me all about 'em, won't you; Mr +Pinch, and the butcher's dog down the street, and the terrier over the +way, and the wheelwright's, and every one of 'em. When I first caught +sight of the church to-night, I thought the steeple would have choked +me, I did. One more! Won't you? Not a very little one to finish off +with?' + +'You have had plenty, I am sure,' said the hostess. 'Go along with your +foreign manners!' + +'That ain't foreign, bless you!' cried Mark. 'Native as oysters, that +is! One more, because it's native! As a mark of respect for the land we +live in! This don't count as between you and me, you understand,' said +Mr Tapley. 'I ain't a-kissing you now, you'll observe. I have been among +the patriots; I'm a-kissin' my country.' + +It would have been very unreasonable to complain of the exhibition of +his patriotism with which he followed up this explanation, that it was +at all lukewarm or indifferent. When he had given full expression to his +nationality, he hurried off to Martin; while Mrs Lupin, in a state of +great agitation and excitement, prepared for their reception. + +The company soon came tumbling out; insisting to each other that the +Dragon clock was half an hour too fast, and that the thunder must have +affected it. Impatient, wet, and weary though they were, Martin and Mark +were overjoyed to see these old faces, and watched them with delighted +interest as they departed from the house, and passed close by them. + +'There's the old tailor, Mark!' whispered Martin. + +'There he goes, sir! A little bandier than he was, I think, sir, ain't +he? His figure's so far altered, as it seems to me, that you might wheel +a rather larger barrow between his legs as he walks, than you could have +done conveniently when we know'd him. There's Sam a-coming out, sir.' + +'Ah, to be sure!' cried Martin; 'Sam, the hostler. I wonder whether that +horse of Pecksniff's is alive still?' + +'Not a doubt on it, sir,' returned Mark. 'That's a description of +animal, sir, as will go on in a bony way peculiar to himself for a long +time, and get into the newspapers at last under the title of "Sing'lar +Tenacity of Life in a Quadruped." As if he had ever been alive in all +his life, worth mentioning! There's the clerk, sir--wery drunk, as +usual.' + +'I see him!' said Martin, laughing. 'But, my life, how wet you are, +Mark!' + +'I am! What do you consider yourself, sir?' + +'Oh, not half as bad,' said his fellow-traveller, with an air of great +vexation. 'I told you not to keep on the windy side, Mark, but to let us +change and change about. The rain has been beating on you ever since it +began.' + +'You don't know how it pleases me, sir,' said Mark, after a short +silence, 'if I may make so bold as say so, to hear you a-going on in +that there uncommon considerate way of yours; which I don't mean to +attend to, never, but which, ever since that time when I was floored in +Eden, you have showed.' + +'Ah, Mark!' sighed Martin, 'the less we say of that the better. Do I see +the light yonder?' + +'That's the light!' cried Mark. 'Lord bless her, what briskness she +possesses! Now for it, sir. Neat wines, good beds, and first-rate +entertainment for man or beast.' + +The kitchen fire burnt clear and red, the table was spread out, the +kettle boiled; the slippers were there, the boot-jack too, sheets of +ham were there, cooking on the gridiron; half-a-dozen eggs were there, +poaching in the frying-pan; a plethoric cherry-brandy bottle was there, +winking at a foaming jug of beer upon the table; rare provisions were +there, dangling from the rafters as if you had only to open your mouth, +and something exquisitely ripe and good would be glad of the excuse for +tumbling into it. Mrs Lupin, who for their sakes had dislodged the +very cook, high priestess of the temple, with her own genial hands was +dressing their repast. + +It was impossible to help it--a ghost must have hugged her. The Atlantic +Ocean and the Red Sea being, in that respect, all one, Martin hugged +her instantly. Mr Tapley (as if the idea were quite novel, and had never +occurred to him before), followed, with much gravity, on the same side. + +'Little did I ever think,' said Mrs Lupin, adjusting her cap and +laughing heartily; yes, and blushing too; 'often as I have said that Mr +Pecksniff's young gentlemen were the life and soul of the Dragon, and +that without them it would be too dull to live in--little did I ever +think I am sure, that any one of them would ever make so free as you, Mr +Martin! And still less that I shouldn't be angry with him, but should be +glad with all my heart to be the first to welcome him home from America, +with Mark Tapley for his--' + +'For his friend, Mrs Lupin,' interposed Martin. + +'For his friend,' said the hostess, evidently gratified by this +distinction, but at the same time admonishing Mr Tapley with a fork +to remain at a respectful distance. 'Little did I ever think that! But +still less, that I should ever have the changes to relate that I shall +have to tell you of, when you have done your supper!' + +'Good Heaven!' cried Martin, changing colour, 'what changes?' + +'SHE,' said the hostess, 'is quite well, and now at Mr Pecksniff's. +Don't be at all alarmed about her. She is everything you could wish. +It's of no use mincing matters, or making secrets, is it?' added Mrs +Lupin. 'I know all about it, you see!' + +'My good creature,' returned Martin, 'you are exactly the person who +ought to know all about it. I am delighted to think you DO know about +that! But what changes do you hint at? Has any death occurred?' + +'No, no!' said the hostess. 'Not as bad as that. But I declare now that +I will not be drawn into saying another word till you have had your +supper. If you ask me fifty questions in the meantime, I won't answer +one.' + +She was so positive, that there was nothing for it but to get the supper +over as quickly as possible; and as they had been walking a great many +miles, and had fasted since the middle of the day, they did no great +violence to their own inclinations in falling on it tooth and nail. It +took rather longer to get through than might have been expected; for, +half-a-dozen times, when they thought they had finished, Mrs Lupin +exposed the fallacy of that impression triumphantly. But at last, in +the course of time and nature, they gave in. Then, sitting with +their slippered feet stretched out upon the kitchen hearth (which was +wonderfully comforting, for the night had grown by this time raw and +chilly), and looking with involuntary admiration at their dimpled, +buxom, blooming hostess, as the firelight sparkled in her eyes and +glimmered in her raven hair, they composed themselves to listen to her +news. + +Many were the exclamations of surprise which interrupted her, when she +told them of the separation between Mr Pecksniff and his daughters, and +between the same good gentleman and Mr Pinch. But these were nothing to +the indignant demonstrations of Martin, when she related, as the common +talk of the neighbourhood, what entire possession he had obtained +over the mind and person of old Mr Chuzzlewit, and what high honour he +designed for Mary. On receipt of this intelligence, Martin's slippers +flew off in a twinkling, and he began pulling on his wet boots with that +indefinite intention of going somewhere instantly, and doing something +to somebody, which is the first safety-valve of a hot temper. + +'He!' said Martin, 'smooth-tongued villain that he is! He! Give me that +other boot, Mark?' + +'Where was you a-thinking of going to, sir?' inquired Mr Tapley drying +the sole at the fire, and looking coolly at it as he spoke, as if it +were a slice of toast. + +'Where!' repeated Martin. 'You don't suppose I am going to remain here, +do you?' + +The imperturbable Mark confessed that he did. + +You do!' retorted Martin angrily. 'I am much obliged to you. What do you +take me for?' + +'I take you for what you are, sir,' said Mark; 'and, consequently, am +quite sure that whatever you do will be right and sensible. The boot, +sir.' + +Martin darted an impatient look at him, without taking it, and walked +rapidly up and down the kitchen several times, with one boot and a +stocking on. But, mindful of his Eden resolution, he had already gained +many victories over himself when Mark was in the case, and he resolved +to conquer now. So he came back to the book-jack, laid his hand on +Mark's shoulder to steady himself, pulled the boot off, picked up his +slippers, put them on, and sat down again. He could not help thrusting +his hands to the very bottom of his pockets, and muttering at intervals, +'Pecksniff too! That fellow! Upon my soul! In-deed! What next?' and so +forth; nor could he help occasionally shaking his fist at the chimney, +with a very threatening countenance; but this did not last long; and he +heard Mrs Lupin out, if not with composure, at all events in silence. + +'As to Mr Pecksniff himself,' observed the hostess in conclusion, +spreading out the skirts of her gown with both hands, and nodding +her head a great many times as she did so, 'I don't know what to +say. Somebody must have poisoned his mind, or influenced him in some +extraordinary way. I cannot believe that such a noble-spoken gentleman +would go and do wrong of his own accord!' + +A noble-spoken gentleman! How many people are there in the world, who, +for no better reason, uphold their Pecksniffs to the last and abandon +virtuous men, when Pecksniffs breathe upon them! + +'As to Mr Pinch,' pursued the landlady, 'if ever there was a dear, good, +pleasant, worthy soul alive, Pinch, and no other, is his name. But +how do we know that old Mr Chuzzlewit himself was not the cause of +difference arising between him and Mr Pecksniff? No one but themselves +can tell; for Mr Pinch has a proud spirit, though he has such a quiet +way; and when he left us, and was so sorry to go, he scorned to make his +story good, even to me.' + +'Poor old Tom!' said Martin, in a tone that sounded like remorse. + +'It's a comfort to know,' resumed the landlady, 'that he has his sister +living with him, and is doing well. Only yesterday he sent me back, by +post, a little'--here the colour came into her cheeks--'a little trifle +I was bold enough to lend him when he went away; saying, with many +thanks, that he had good employment, and didn't want it. It was the same +note; he hadn't broken it. I never thought I could have been so little +pleased to see a bank-note come back to me as I was to see that.' + +'Kindly said, and heartily!' said Martin. 'Is it not, Mark?' + +'She can't say anything as does not possess them qualities,' returned +Mr Tapley; 'which as much belongs to the Dragon as its licence. And now +that we have got quite cool and fresh, to the subject again, sir; +what will you do? If you're not proud, and can make up your mind to go +through with what you spoke of, coming along, that's the course for +you to take. If you started wrong with your grandfather (which, you'll +excuse my taking the liberty of saying, appears to have been the case), +up with you, sir, and tell him so, and make an appeal to his affections. +Don't stand out. He's a great deal older than you, and if he was hasty, +you was hasty too. Give way, sir, give way.' + +The eloquence of Mr Tapley was not without its effect on Martin but he +still hesitated, and expressed his reason thus: + +'That's all very true, and perfectly correct, Mark; and if it were a +mere question of humbling myself before HIM, I would not consider it +twice. But don't you see, that being wholly under this hypocrite's +government, and having (if what we hear be true) no mind or will of his +own, I throw myself, in fact, not at his feet, but at the feet of +Mr Pecksniff? And when I am rejected and spurned away,' said Martin, +turning crimson at the thought, 'it is not by him; my own blood stirred +against me; but by Pecksniff--Pecksniff, Mark!' + +'Well, but we know beforehand,' returned the politic Mr Tapley, 'that +Pecksniff is a wagabond, a scoundrel, and a willain.' + +'A most pernicious villain!' said Martin. + +'A most pernicious willain. We know that beforehand, sir; and, +consequently, it's no shame to be defeated by Pecksniff. Blow +Pecksniff!' cried Mr Tapley, in the fervour of his eloquence. 'Who's he! +It's not in the natur of Pecksniff to shame US, unless he agreed with +us, or done us a service; and, in case he offered any audacity of that +description, we could express our sentiments in the English language, +I hope. Pecksniff!' repeated Mr Tapley, with ineffable disdain. 'What's +Pecksniff, who's Pecksniff, where's Pecksniff, that he's to be so much +considered? We're not a-calculating for ourselves;' he laid uncommon +emphasis on the last syllable of that word, and looked full in Martin's +face; 'we're making a effort for a young lady likewise as has undergone +her share; and whatever little hope we have, this here Pecksniff is not +to stand in its way, I expect. I never heard of any act of Parliament, +as was made by Pecksniff. Pecksniff! Why, I wouldn't see the man myself; +I wouldn't hear him; I wouldn't choose to know he was in company. I'd +scrape my shoes on the scraper of the door, and call that Pecksniff, if +you liked; but I wouldn't condescend no further.' + +The amazement of Mrs Lupin, and indeed of Mr Tapley himself for that +matter, at this impassioned flow of language, was immense. But Martin, +after looking thoughtfully at the fire for a short time, said: + +'You are right, Mark. Right or wrong, it shall be done. I'll do it.' + +'One word more, sir,' returned Mark. 'Only think of him so far as not to +give him a handle against you. Don't you do anything secret that he +can report before you get there. Don't you even see Miss Mary in the +morning, but let this here dear friend of ours'--Mr Tapley bestowed a +smile upon the hostess--'prepare her for what's a-going to happen, and +carry any little message as may be agreeable. She knows how. Don't you?' +Mrs Lupin laughed and tossed her head. 'Then you go in, bold and free as +a gentleman should. "I haven't done nothing under-handed," says you. "I +haven't been skulking about the premises, here I am, for-give me, I ask +your pardon, God Bless You!"' + +Martin smiled, but felt that it was good advice notwithstanding, and +resolved to act upon it. When they had ascertained from Mrs Lupin that +Pecksniff had already returned from the great ceremonial at which they +had beheld him in his glory; and when they had fully arranged the order +of their proceedings; they went to bed, intent upon the morrow. + +In pursuance of their project as agreed upon at this discussion, Mr +Tapley issued forth next morning, after breakfast, charged with a letter +from Martin to his grandfather, requesting leave to wait upon him for a +few minutes. And postponing as he went along the congratulations of his +numerous friends until a more convenient season, he soon arrived at Mr +Pecksniff's house. At that gentleman's door; with a face so immovable +that it would have been next to an impossibility for the most acute +physiognomist to determine what he was thinking about, or whether he was +thinking at all; he straightway knocked. + +A person of Mr Tapley's observation could not long remain insensible +to the fact that Mr Pecksniff was making the end of his nose very +blunt against the glass of the parlour window, in an angular attempt to +discover who had knocked at the door. Nor was Mr Tapley slow to baffle +this movement on the part of the enemy, by perching himself on the +top step, and presenting the crown of his hat in that direction. But +possibly Mr Pecksniff had already seen him, for Mark soon heard his +shoes creaking, as he advanced to open the door with his own hands. + +Mr Pecksniff was as cheerful as ever, and sang a little song in the +passage. + +'How d'ye do, sir?' said Mark. + +'Oh!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Tapley, I believe? The Prodigal returned! We +don't want any beer, my friend.' + +'Thankee, sir,' said Mark. 'I couldn't accommodate you if you did. A +letter, sir. Wait for an answer.' + +'For me?' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'And an answer, eh?' + +'Not for you, I think, sir,' said Mark, pointing out the direction. +'Chuzzlewit, I believe the name is, sir.' + +'Oh!' returned Mr Pecksniff. 'Thank you. Yes. Who's it from, my good +young man?' + +'The gentleman it comes from wrote his name inside, sir,' returned Mr +Tapley with extreme politeness. 'I see him a-signing of it at the end, +while I was a-waitin'.' + +'And he said he wanted an answer, did he?' asked Mr Pecksniff in his +most persuasive manner. + +Mark replied in the affirmative. + +'He shall have an answer. Certainly,' said Mr Pecksniff, tearing the +letter into small pieces, as mildly as if that were the most flattering +attention a correspondent could receive. 'Have the goodness to give him +that, with my compliments, if you please. Good morning!' Whereupon he +handed Mark the scraps; retired, and shut the door. + +Mark thought it prudent to subdue his personal emotions, and return to +Martin at the Dragon. They were not unprepared for such a reception, +and suffered an hour or so to elapse before making another attempt. +When this interval had gone by, they returned to Mr Pecksniff's house in +company. Martin knocked this time, while Mr Tapley prepared himself to +keep the door open with his foot and shoulder, when anybody came, and by +that means secure an enforced parley. But this precaution was needless, +for the servant-girl appeared almost immediately. Brushing quickly past +her as he had resolved in such a case to do, Martin (closely followed +by his faithful ally) opened the door of that parlour in which he knew +a visitor was most likely to be found; passed at once into the room; and +stood, without a word of notice or announcement, in the presence of his +grandfather. + +Mr Pecksniff also was in the room; and Mary. In the swift instant of +their mutual recognition, Martin saw the old man droop his grey head, +and hide his face in his hands. + +It smote him to the heart. In his most selfish and most careless day, +this lingering remnant of the old man's ancient love, this buttress of a +ruined tower he had built up in the time gone by, with so much pride and +hope, would have caused a pang in Martin's heart. But now, changed for +the better in his worst respect; looking through an altered medium on +his former friend, the guardian of his childhood, so broken and bowed +down; resentment, sullenness, self-confidence, and pride, were all swept +away, before the starting tears upon the withered cheeks. He could not +bear to see them. He could not bear to think they fell at sight of +him. He could not bear to view reflected in them, the reproachful and +irrevocable Past. + +He hurriedly advanced to seize the old man's hand in his, when Mr +Pecksniff interposed himself between them. + +'No, young man!' said Mr Pecksniff, striking himself upon the breast, +and stretching out his other arm towards his guest as if it were a wing +to shelter him. 'No, sir. None of that. Strike here, sir, here! Launch +your arrows at me, sir, if you'll have the goodness; not at Him!' + +'Grandfather!' cried Martin. 'Hear me! I implore you, let me speak!' + +'Would you, sir? Would you?' said Mr Pecksniff, dodging about, so as to +keep himself always between them. 'Is it not enough, sir, that you come +into my house like a thief in the night, or I should rather say, for we +can never be too particular on the subject of Truth, like a thief in +the day-time; bringing your dissolute companions with you, to plant +themselves with their backs against the insides of parlour doors, and +prevent the entrance or issuing forth of any of my household'--Mark had +taken up this position, and held it quite unmoved--'but would you also +strike at venerable Virtue? Would you? Know that it is not defenceless. +I will be its shield, young man. Assail me. Come on, sir. Fire away!' + +'Pecksniff,' said the old man, in a feeble voice. 'Calm yourself. Be +quiet.' + +'I can't be calm,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'and I won't be quiet. My +benefactor and my friend! Shall even my house be no refuge for your +hoary pillow!' + +'Stand aside!' said the old man, stretching out his hand; 'and let me +see what it is I used to love so dearly.' + +'It is right that you should see it, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'It +is well that you should see it, my noble sir. It is desirable that you +should contemplate it in its true proportions. Behold it! There it is, +sir. There it is!' + +Martin could hardly be a mortal man, and not express in his face +something of the anger and disdain with which Mr Pecksniff inspired him. +But beyond this he evinced no knowledge whatever of that gentleman's +presence or existence. True, he had once, and that at first, glanced at +him involuntarily, and with supreme contempt; but for any other heed he +took of him, there might have been nothing in his place save empty air. + +As Mr Pecksniff withdrew from between them, agreeably to the wish just +now expressed (which he did during the delivery of the observations +last recorded), old Martin, who had taken Mary Graham's hand in his, and +whispered kindly to her, as telling her she had no cause to be alarmed, +gently pushed her from him, behind his chair; and looked steadily at his +grandson. + +'And that,' he said, 'is he. Ah! that is he! Say what you wish to say. +But come no nearer,' + +'His sense of justice is so fine,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that he will +hear even him, although he knows beforehand that nothing can come of it. +Ingenuous mind!' Mr Pecksniff did not address himself immediately to +any person in saying this, but assuming the position of the Chorus in a +Greek Tragedy, delivered his opinion as a commentary on the proceedings. + +'Grandfather!' said Martin, with great earnestness. 'From a painful +journey, from a hard life, from a sick-bed, from privation and distress, +from gloom and disappointment, from almost hopelessness and despair, I +have come back to you.' + +'Rovers of this sort,' observed Mr Pecksniff, as Chorus, 'very commonly +come back when they find they don't meet with the success they expected +in their marauding ravages.' + +'But for this faithful man,' said Martin, turning towards Mark, 'whom +I first knew in this place, and who went away with me voluntarily, as +a servant, but has been, throughout, my zealous and devoted friend; but +for him, I must have died abroad. Far from home, far from any help or +consolation; far from the probability even of my wretched fate being +ever known to any one who cared to hear it--oh, that you would let me +say, of being known to you!' + +The old man looked at Mr Pecksniff. Mr Pecksniff looked at him. 'Did +you speak, my worthy sir?' said Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. The old man +answered in the negative. 'I know what you thought,' said Mr Pecksniff, +with another smile. 'Let him go on my friend. The development of +self-interest in the human mind is always a curious study. Let him go +on, sir.' + +'Go on!' observed the old man; in a mechanical obedience, it appeared, +to Mr Pecksniff's suggestion. + +'I have been so wretched and so poor,' said Martin, 'that I am indebted +to the charitable help of a stranger, in a land of strangers, for the +means of returning here. All this tells against me in your mind, I know. +I have given you cause to think I have been driven here wholly by want, +and have not been led on, in any degree, by affection or regret. When +I parted from you, Grandfather, I deserved that suspicion, but I do not +now. I do not now.' + +The Chorus put its hand in its waistcoat, and smiled. 'Let him go on, +my worthy sir,' it said. 'I know what you are thinking of, but don't +express it prematurely.' + +Old Martin raised his eyes to Mr Pecksniff's face, and appearing to +derive renewed instruction from his looks and words, said, once again: + +'Go on!' + +'I have little more to say,' returned Martin. 'And as I say it now, with +little or no hope, Grandfather; whatever dawn of hope I had on entering +the room; believe it to be true. At least, believe it to be true.' + +'Beautiful Truth!' exclaimed the Chorus, looking upward. 'How is your +name profaned by vicious persons! You don't live in a well, my holy +principle, but on the lips of false mankind. It is hard to bear with +mankind, dear sir'--addressing the elder Mr Chuzzlewit; 'but let us do +so meekly. It is our duty so to do. Let us be among the Few who do their +duty. If,' pursued the Chorus, soaring up into a lofty flight, 'as the +poet informs us, England expects Every man to do his duty, England is +the most sanguine country on the face of the earth, and will find itself +continually disappointed.' + +'Upon that subject,' said Martin, looking calmly at the old man as +he spoke, but glancing once at Mary, whose face was now buried in her +hands, upon the back of his easy-chair; 'upon that subject which first +occasioned a division between us, my mind and heart are incapable of +change. Whatever influence they have undergone, since that unhappy time, +has not been one to weaken but to strengthen me. I cannot profess sorrow +for that, nor irresolution in that, nor shame in that. Nor would you +wish me, I know. But that I might have trusted to your love, if I had +thrown myself manfully upon it; that I might have won you over with +ease, if I had been more yielding and more considerate; that I should +have best remembered myself in forgetting myself, and recollecting you; +reflection, solitude, and misery, have taught me. I came resolved to say +this, and to ask your forgiveness; not so much in hope for the future, +as in regret for the past; for all that I would ask of you is, that you +would aid me to live. Help me to get honest work to do, and I would do +it. My condition places me at the disadvantage of seeming to have only +my selfish ends to serve, but try if that be so or not. Try if I be +self-willed, obdurate, and haughty, as I was; or have been disciplined +in a rough school. Let the voice of nature and association plead between +us, Grandfather; and do not, for one fault, however thankless, quite +reject me!' + +As he ceased, the grey head of the old man drooped again; and he +concealed his face behind his outspread fingers. + +'My dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, bending over him, 'you must not give +way to this. It is very natural, and very amiable, but you must not +allow the shameless conduct of one whom you long ago cast off, to move +you so far. Rouse yourself. Think,' said Pecksniff, 'think of Me, my +friend.' + +'I will,' returned old Martin, looking up into his face. 'You recall me +to myself. I will.' + +'Why, what,' said Mr Pecksniff, sitting down beside him in a chair which +he drew up for the purpose, and tapping him playfully on the arm, 'what +is the matter with my strong-minded compatriot, if I may venture to take +the liberty of calling him by that endearing expression? Shall I have +to scold my coadjutor, or to reason with an intellect like this? I think +not.' + +'No, no. There is no occasion,' said the old man. 'A momentary feeling. +Nothing more.' + +'Indignation,' observed Mr Pecksniff, 'WILL bring the scalding tear +into the honest eye, I know'--he wiped his own elaborately. 'But we +have highest duties to perform than that. Rouse yourself, Mr Chuzzlewit. +Shall I give expression to your thoughts, my friend?' + +'Yes,' said old Martin, leaning back in his chair, and looking at him, +half in vacancy and half in admiration, as if he were fascinated by +the man. 'Speak for me, Pecksniff, Thank you. You are true to me. Thank +you!' + +'Do not unman me, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand vigorously, +'or I shall be unequal to the task. It is not agreeable to my feelings, +my good sir, to address the person who is now before us, for when I +ejected him from this house, after hearing of his unnatural conduct from +your lips, I renounced communication with him for ever. But you desire +it; and that is sufficient. Young man! The door is immediately behind +the companion of your infamy. Blush if you can; begone without a blush, +if you can't.' + +Martin looked as steadily at his grandfather as if there had been a +dead silence all this time. The old man looked no less steadily at Mr +Pecksniff. + +'When I ordered you to leave this house upon the last occasion of your +being dismissed from it with disgrace,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'when, +stung and stimulated beyond endurance by your shameless conduct to this +extraordinarily noble-minded individual, I exclaimed "Go forth!" I told +you that I wept for your depravity. Do not suppose that the tear which +stands in my eye at this moment, is shed for you. It is shed for him, +sir. It is shed for him.' + +Here Mr Pecksniff, accidentally dropping the tear in question on a +bald part of Mr Chuzzlewit's head, wiped the place with his +pocket-handkerchief, and begged pardon. + +'It is shed for him, sir, whom you seek to make the victim of your +arts,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'whom you seek to plunder, to deceive, and to +mislead. It is shed in sympathy with him, and admiration of him; not in +pity for him, for happily he knows what you are. You shall not wrong +him further, sir, in any way,' said Mr Pecksniff, quite transported with +enthusiasm, 'while I have life. You may bestride my senseless corse, +sir. That is very likely. I can imagine a mind like yours deriving great +satisfaction from any measure of that kind. But while I continue to be +called upon to exist, sir, you must strike at him through me. Awe!' said +Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head at Martin with indignant jocularity; 'and +in such a cause you will find me, my young sir, an Ugly Customer!' + +Still Martin looked steadily and mildly at his grandfather. 'Will you +give me no answer,' he said, at length, 'not a word?' + +'You hear what has been said,' replied the old man, without averting his +eyes from the face of Mr Pecksniff; who nodded encouragingly. + +'I have not heard your voice. I have not heard your spirit,' returned +Martin. + +'Tell him again,' said the old man, still gazing up in Mr Pecksniff's +face. + +'I only hear,' replied Martin, strong in his purpose from the first, and +stronger in it as he felt how Pecksniff winced and shrunk beneath his +contempt; 'I only hear what you say to me, grandfather.' + +Perhaps it was well for Mr Pecksniff that his venerable friend found +in his (Mr Pecksniff's) features an exclusive and engrossing object +of contemplation, for if his eyes had gone astray, and he had compared +young Martin's bearing with that of his zealous defender, the latter +disinterested gentleman would scarcely have shown to greater advantage +than on the memorable afternoon when he took Tom Pinch's last receipt +in full of all demands. One really might have thought there was some +quality in Mr Pecksniff--an emanation from the brightness and purity +within him perhaps--which set off and adorned his foes; they looked so +gallant and so manly beside him. + +'Not a word?' said Martin, for the second time. + +'I remember that I have a word to say, Pecksniff,' observed the old man. +'But a word. You spoke of being indebted to the charitable help of some +stranger for the means of returning to England. Who is he? And what help +in money did he render you?' + +Although he asked this question of Martin, he did not look towards him, +but kept his eyes on Mr Pecksniff as before. It appeared to have become +a habit with him, both in a literal and figurative sense, to look to Mr +Pecksniff alone. + +Martin took out his pencil, tore a leaf from his pocket-book, and +hastily wrote down the particulars of his debt to Mr Bevan. The old man +stretched out his hand for the paper, and took it; but his eyes did not +wander from Mr Pecksniff's face. + +'It would be a poor pride and a false humility,' said Martin, in a +low voice, 'to say, I do not wish that to be paid, or that I have any +present hope of being able to pay it. But I never felt my poverty so +deeply as I feel it now.' + +'Read it to me, Pecksniff,' said the old man. + +Mr Pecksniff, after approaching the perusal of the paper as if it were a +manuscript confession of a murder, complied. + +'I think, Pecksniff,' said old Martin, 'I could wish that to be +discharged. I should not like the lender, who was abroad, who had +no opportunity of making inquiry, and who did (as he thought) a kind +action, to suffer.' + +'An honourable sentiment, my dear sir. Your own entirely. But a +dangerous precedent,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'permit me to suggest.' + +'It shall not be a precedent,' returned the old man. 'It is the only +recognition of him. But we will talk of it again. You shall advise me. +There is nothing else?' + +'Nothing else,' said Mr Pecksniff buoyantly, 'but for you to recover +this intrusion--this cowardly and indefensible outrage on your +feelings--with all possible dispatch, and smile again.' + +'You have nothing more to say?' inquired the old man, laying his hand +with unusual earnestness on Mr Pecksniff's sleeve. + +Mr Pecksniff would not say what rose to his lips. For reproaches he +observed, were useless. + +'You have nothing at all to urge? You are sure of that! If you have, no +matter what it is, speak freely. I will oppose nothing that you ask of +me,' said the old man. + +The tears rose in such abundance to Mr Pecksniff's eyes at this proof +of unlimited confidence on the part of his friend, that he was fain to +clasp the bridge of his nose convulsively before he could at all compose +himself. When he had the power of utterance again, he said with great +emotion, that he hoped he should live to deserve this; and added, that +he had no other observation whatever to make. + +For a few moments the old man sat looking at him, with that blank and +motionless expression which is not uncommon in the faces of those whose +faculties are on the wane, in age. But he rose up firmly too, and walked +towards the door, from which Mark withdrew to make way for him. + +The obsequious Mr Pecksniff proffered his arm. The old man took it. +Turning at the door, he said to Martin, waving him off with his hand, + +'You have heard him. Go away. It is all over. Go!' + +Mr Pecksniff murmured certain cheering expressions of sympathy and +encouragement as they retired; and Martin, awakening from the stupor +into which the closing portion of this scene had plunged him, to the +opportunity afforded by their departure, caught the innocent cause of +all in his embrace, and pressed her to his heart. + +'Dear girl!' said Martin. 'He has not changed you. Why, what an impotent +and harmless knave the fellow is!' + +'You have restrained yourself so nobly! You have borne so much!' + +'Restrained myself!' cried Martin, cheerfully. 'You were by, and were +unchanged, I knew. What more advantage did I want? The sight of me was +such a bitterness to the dog, that I had my triumph in his being forced +to endure it. But tell me, love--for the few hasty words we can exchange +now are precious--what is this which has been rumoured to me? Is it true +that you are persecuted by this knave's addresses?' + +'I was, dear Martin, and to some extent am now; but my chief source +of unhappiness has been anxiety for you. Why did you leave us in such +terrible suspense?' + +'Sickness, distance; the dread of hinting at our real condition, the +impossibility of concealing it except in perfect silence; the knowledge +that the truth would have pained you infinitely more than uncertainty +and doubt,' said Martin, hurriedly; as indeed everything else was done +and said, in those few hurried moments, 'were the causes of my writing +only once. But Pecksniff? You needn't fear to tell me the whole tale; +for you saw me with him face to face, hearing him speak, and not taking +him by the throat; what is the history of his pursuit of you? Is it +known to my grandfather?' + +'Yes.' + +'And he assists him in it?' + +'No,' she answered eagerly. + +'Thank Heaven!' cried Martin, 'that it leaves his mind unclouded in that +one respect!' + +'I do not think,' said Mary, 'it was known to him at first. When +this man had sufficiently prepared his mind, he revealed it to him by +degrees. I think so, but I only know it from my own impression: now from +anything they told me. Then he spoke to me alone.' + +'My grandfather did?' said Martin. + +'Yes--spoke to me alone, and told me--' + +'What the hound had said,' cried Martin. 'Don't repeat it.' + +'And said I knew well what qualities he possessed; that he was +moderately rich; in good repute; and high in his favour and confidence. +But seeing me very much distressed, he said that he would not control +or force my inclinations, but would content himself with telling me the +fact. He would not pain me by dwelling on it, or reverting to it; nor +has he ever done so since, but has truly kept his word.' + +'The man himself?--' asked Martin. + +'He has had few opportunities of pursuing his suit. I have never walked +out alone, or remained alone an instant in his presence. Dear Martin, I +must tell you,' she continued, 'that the kindness of your grandfather +to me remains unchanged. I am his companion still. An indescribable +tenderness and compassion seem to have mingled themselves with his old +regard; and if I were his only child, I could not have a gentler father. +What former fancy or old habit survives in this, when his heart has +turned so cold to you, is a mystery I cannot penetrate; but it has been, +and it is, a happiness to me, that I remained true to him; that if he +should wake from his delusion, even at the point of death, I am here, +love, to recall you to his thoughts.' + +Martin looked with admiration on her glowing face, and pressed his lips +to hers. + +'I have sometimes heard, and read,' she said, 'that those whose powers +had been enfeebled long ago, and whose lives had faded, as it were, into +a dream, have been known to rouse themselves before death, and inquire +for familiar faces once very dear to them; but forgotten, unrecognized, +hated even, in the meantime. Think, if with his old impressions of this +man, he should suddenly resume his former self, and find in him his only +friend!' + +'I would not urge you to abandon him, dearest,' said Martin, 'though I +could count the years we are to wear out asunder. But the influence this +fellow exercises over him has steadily increased, I fear.' + +She could not help admitting that. Steadily, imperceptibly, and surely, +until it was paramount and supreme. She herself had none; and yet +he treated her with more affection than at any previous time. Martin +thought the inconsistency a part of his weakness and decay. + +'Does the influence extend to fear?' said Martin. 'Is he timid of +asserting his own opinion in the presence of this infatuation? I fancied +so just now.' + +'I have thought so, often. Often when we are sitting alone, almost as +we used to do, and I have been reading a favourite book to him or he has +been talking quite cheerfully, I have observed that the entrance of +Mr Pecksniff has changed his whole demeanour. He has broken off +immediately, and become what you have seen to-day. When we first came +here he had his impetuous outbreaks, in which it was not easy for Mr +Pecksniff with his utmost plausibility to appease him. But these have +long since dwindled away. He defers to him in everything, and has no +opinion upon any question, but that which is forced upon him by this +treacherous man.' + +Such was the account, rapidly furnished in whispers, and interrupted, +brief as it was, by many false alarms of Mr Pecksniff's return; +which Martin received of his grandfather's decline, and of that good +gentleman's ascendancy. He heard of Tom Pinch too, and Jonas too, with +not a little about himself into the bargain; for though lovers are +remarkable for leaving a great deal unsaid on all occasions, and very +properly desiring to come back and say it, they are remarkable also for +a wonderful power of condensation, and can, in one way or other, give +utterance to more language--eloquent language--in any given short space +of time, than all the six hundred and fifty-eight members in the Commons +House of Parliament of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland; +who are strong lovers no doubt, but of their country only, which makes +all the difference; for in a passion of that kind (which is not always +returned), it is the custom to use as many words as possible, and +express nothing whatever. + +A caution from Mr Tapley; a hasty interchange of farewells, and of +something else which the proverb says must not be told of afterwards; +a white hand held out to Mr Tapley himself, which he kissed with the +devotion of a knight-errant; more farewells, more something else's; a +parting word from Martin that he would write from London and would do +great things there yet (Heaven knows what, but he quite believed it); +and Mark and he stood on the outside of the Pecksniffian halls. + +'A short interview after such an absence!' said Martin, sorrowfully. +'But we are well out of the house. We might have placed ourselves in a +false position by remaining there, even so long, Mark.' + +'I don't know about ourselves, sir,' he returned; 'but somebody else +would have got into a false position, if he had happened to come back +again, while we was there. I had the door all ready, sir. If Pecksniff +had showed his head, or had only so much as listened behind it, I would +have caught him like a walnut. He's the sort of man,' added Mr Tapley, +musing, 'as would squeeze soft, I know.' + +A person who was evidently going to Mr Pecksniff's house, passed them at +this moment. He raised his eyes at the mention of the architect's name; +and when he had gone on a few yards, stopped and gazed at them. Mr +Tapley, also, looked over his shoulder, and so did Martin; for the +stranger, as he passed, had looked very sharply at them. + +'Who may that be, I wonder!' said Martin. 'The face seems familiar to +me, but I don't know the man.' + +'He seems to have a amiable desire that his face should be tolerable +familiar to us,' said Mr Tapley, 'for he's a-staring pretty hard. He'd +better not waste his beauty, for he ain't got much to spare.' + +Coming in sight of the Dragon, they saw a travelling carriage at the +door. + +'And a Salisbury carriage, eh?' said Mr Tapley. 'That's what he came in +depend upon it. What's in the wind now? A new pupil, I shouldn't wonder. +P'raps it's a order for another grammar-school, of the same pattern as +the last.' + +Before they could enter at the door, Mrs Lupin came running out; and +beckoning them to the carriage showed them a portmanteau with the name +of CHUZZLEWIT upon it. + +'Miss Pecksniff's husband that was,' said the good woman to Martin. 'I +didn't know what terms you might be on, and was quite in a worry till +you came back.' + +'He and I have never interchanged a word yet,' observed Martin; 'and as +I have no wish to be better or worse acquainted with him, I will not put +myself in his way. We passed him on the road, I have no doubt. I am glad +he timed his coming as he did. Upon my word! Miss Pecksniff's husband +travels gayly!' + +'A very fine-looking gentleman with him--in the best room now,' +whispered Mrs Lupin, glancing up at the window as they went into the +house. 'He has ordered everything that can be got for dinner; and has +the glossiest moustaches and whiskers ever you saw.' + +'Has he?' cried Martin, 'why then we'll endeavour to avoid him too, in +the hope that our self-denial may be strong enough for the sacrifice. +It is only for a few hours,' said Martin, dropping wearily into a chair +behind the little screen in the bar. 'Our visit has met with no success, +my dear Mrs Lupin, and I must go to London.' + +'Dear, dear!' cried the hostess. + +'Yes, one foul wind no more makes a winter, than one swallow makes a +summer. I'll try it again. Tom Pinch has succeeded. With his advice to +guide me, I may do the same. I took Tom under my protection once, God +save the mark!' said Martin, with a melancholy smile; 'and promised I +would make his fortune. Perhaps Tom will take me under HIS protection +now, and teach me how to earn my bread.' + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR + +FURTHER CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +It was a special quality, among the many admirable qualities possessed +by Mr Pecksniff, that the more he was found out, the more hypocrisy he +practised. Let him be discomfited in one quarter, and he refreshed and +recompensed himself by carrying the war into another. If his workings +and windings were detected by A, so much the greater reason was there +for practicing without loss of time on B, if it were only to keep his +hand in. He had never been such a saintly and improving spectacle to all +about him, as after his detection by Thomas Pinch. He had scarcely ever +been at once so tender in his humanity, and so dignified and exalted in +his virtue, as when young Martin's scorn was fresh and hot upon him. + +Having this large stock of superfluous sentiment and morality on hand +which must positively be cleared off at any sacrifice, Mr Pecksniff no +sooner heard his son-in-law announced, than he regarded him as a kind +of wholesale or general order, to be immediately executed. Descending, +therefore, swiftly to the parlour, and clasping the young man in +his arms, he exclaimed, with looks and gestures that denoted the +perturbation of his spirit: + +'Jonas. My child--she is well! There is nothing the matter?' + +'What, you're at it again, are you?' replied his son-in-law. 'Even with +me? Get away with you, will you?' + +'Tell me she is well then,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Tell me she is well my +boy!' + +'She's well enough,' retorted Jonas, disengaging himself. 'There's +nothing the matter with HER.' + +'There is nothing the matter with her!' cried Mr Pecksniff, sitting down +in the nearest chair, and rubbing up his hair. 'Fie upon my weakness! +I cannot help it, Jonas. Thank you. I am better now. How is my other +child; my eldest; my Cherrywerrychigo?' said Mr Pecksniff, inventing a +playful little name for her, in the restored lightness of his heart. + +'She's much about the same as usual,' returned Jonas. 'She sticks +pretty close to the vinegar-bottle. You know she's got a sweetheart, I +suppose?' + +'I have heard of it,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'from headquarters; from my +child herself I will not deny that it moved me to contemplate the loss +of my remaining daughter, Jonas--I am afraid we parents are selfish, I +am afraid we are--but it has ever been the study of my life to qualify +them for the domestic hearth; and it is a sphere which Cherry will +adorn.' + +'She need adorn some sphere or other,' observed the son-in-law, for she +ain't very ornamental in general.' + +'My girls are now provided for,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'They are now +happily provided for, and I have not laboured in vain!' + +This is exactly what Mr Pecksniff would have said, if one of his +daughters had drawn a prize of thirty thousand pounds in the lottery, or +if the other had picked up a valuable purse in the street, which nobody +appeared to claim. In either of these cases he would have invoked a +patriarchal blessing on the fortunate head, with great solemnity, and +would have taken immense credit to himself, as having meant it from the +infant's cradle. + +'Suppose we talk about something else, now,' observed Jonas, drily. +'just for a change. Are you quite agreeable?' + +'Quite,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Ah, you wag, you naughty wag! You laugh at +poor old fond papa. Well! He deserves it. And he don't mind it either, +for his feelings are their own reward. You have come to stay with me, +Jonas?' + +'No. I've got a friend with me,' said Jonas. + +'Bring your friend!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a gush of hospitality. +'Bring any number of your friends!' + +'This ain't the sort of man to be brought,' said Jonas, contemptuously. +'I think I see myself "bringing" him to your house, for a treat! +Thank'ee all the same; but he's a little too near the top of the tree +for that, Pecksniff.' + +The good man pricked up his ears; his interest was awakened. A position +near the top of the tree was greatness, virtue, goodness, sense, genius; +or, it should rather be said, a dispensation from all, and in itself +something immeasurably better than all; with Mr Pecksniff. A man who was +able to look down upon Mr Pecksniff could not be looked up at, by that +gentleman, with too great an amount of deference, or from a position of +too much humility. So it always is with great spirits. + +'I'll tell you what you may do, if you like,' said Jonas; 'you may come +and dine with us at the Dragon. We were forced to come down to Salisbury +last night, on some business, and I got him to bring me over here this +morning, in his carriage; at least, not his own carriage, for we had +a breakdown in the night, but one we hired instead; it's all the same. +Mind what you're about, you know. He's not used to all sorts; he only +mixes with the best!' + +'Some young nobleman who has been borrowing money of you at good +interest, eh?' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his forefinger facetiously. 'I +shall be delighted to know the gay sprig.' + +'Borrowing!' echoed Jonas. 'Borrowing! When you're a twentieth part as +rich as he is, you may shut up shop! We should be pretty well off if we +could buy his furniture, and plate, and pictures, by clubbing together. +A likely man to borrow: Mr Montague! Why since I was lucky enough (come! +and I'll say, sharp enough, too) to get a share in the Assurance office +that he's President of, I've made--never mind what I've made,' said +Jonas, seeming to recover all at once his usual caution. 'You know me +pretty well, and I don't blab about such things. But, Ecod, I've made a +trifle.' + +'Really, my dear Jonas,' cried Mr Pecksniff, with much warmth, 'a +gentleman like this should receive some attention. Would he like to +see the church? or if he has a taste for the fine arts--which I have no +doubt he has, from the description you give of his circumstances--I can +send him down a few portfolios. Salisbury Cathedral, my dear Jonas,' +said Mr Pecksniff; the mention of the portfolios and his anxiety to +display himself to advantage, suggesting his usual phraseology in +that regard, 'is an edifice replete with venerable associations, +and strikingly suggestive of the loftiest emotions. It is here we +contemplate the work of bygone ages. It is here we listen to the +swelling organ, as we stroll through the reverberating aisles. We have +drawings of this celebrated structure from the North, from the South, +from the East, from the West, from the South-East, from the Nor'West--' + +During this digression, and indeed during the whole dialogue, Jonas had +been rocking on his chair, with his hands in his pockets and his head +thrown cunningly on one side. He looked at Mr Pecksniff now with such +shrewd meaning twinkling in his eyes, that Mr Pecksniff stopped, and +asked him what he was going to say. + +'Ecod!' he answered. 'Pecksniff if I knew how you meant to leave your +money, I could put you in the way of doubling it in no time. It wouldn't +be bad to keep a chance like this snug in the family. But you're such a +deep one!' + +'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff, much affected, 'I am not a diplomatical +character; my heart is in my hand. By far the greater part of the +inconsiderable savings I have accumulated in the course of--I hope--a +not dishonourable or useless career, is already given, devised, and +bequeathed (correct me, my dear Jonas, if I am technically wrong), with +expressions of confidence, which I will not repeat; and in securities +which it is unnecessary to mention to a person whom I cannot, whom +I will not, whom I need not, name.' Here he gave the hand of his +son-in-law a fervent squeeze, as if he would have added, 'God bless you; +be very careful of it when you get it!' + +Mr Jonas only shook his head and laughed, and, seeming to think better +of what he had had in his mind, said, 'No. He would keep his own +counsel.' But as he observed that he would take a walk, Mr Pecksniff +insisted on accompanying him, remarking that he could leave a card for +Mr Montague, as they went along, by way of gentleman-usher to himself at +dinner-time. Which he did. + +In the course of their walk, Mr Jonas affected to maintain that close +reserve which had operated as a timely check upon him during the +foregoing dialogue. And as he made no attempt to conciliate Mr +Pecksniff, but, on the contrary, was more boorish and rude to him than +usual, that gentleman, so far from suspecting his real design, laid +himself out to be attacked with advantage. For it is in the nature of a +knave to think the tools with which he works indispensable to knavery; +and knowing what he would do himself in such a case, Mr Pecksniff +argued, 'if this young man wanted anything of me for his own ends, he +would be polite and deferential.' + +The more Jonas repelled him in his hints and inquiries, the more +solicitous, therefore, Mr Pecksniff became to be initiated into the +golden mysteries at which he had obscurely glanced. Why should there be +cold and worldly secrets, he observed, between relations? What was life +without confidence? If the chosen husband of his daughter, the man to +whom he had delivered her with so much pride and hope, such bounding +and such beaming joy; if he were not a green spot in the barren waste of +life, where was that oasis to be bound? + +Little did Mr Pecksniff think on what a very green spot he planted one +foot at that moment! Little did he foresee when he said, 'All is but +dust!' how very shortly he would come down with his own! + +Inch by inch, in his grudging and ill-conditioned way; sustained to the +life, for the hope of making Mr Pecksniff suffer in that tender place, +the pocket, where Jonas smarted so terribly himself, gave him an +additional and malicious interest in the wiles he was set on to +practise; inch by inch, and bit by bit, Jonas rather allowed the +dazzling prospects of the Anglo-Bengalee establishment to escape him, +than paraded them before his greedy listener. And in the same niggardly +spirit, he left Mr Pecksniff to infer, if he chose (which he DID choose, +of course), that a consciousness of not having any great natural gifts +of speech and manner himself, rendered him desirous to have the credit +of introducing to Mr Montague some one who was well endowed in those +respects, and so atone for his own deficiencies. Otherwise, he muttered +discontentedly, he would have seen his beloved father-in-law 'far enough +off,' before he would have taken him into his confidence. + +Primed in this artful manner, Mr Pecksniff presented himself at +dinner-time in such a state of suavity, benevolence, cheerfulness, +politeness, and cordiality, as even he had perhaps never attained +before. The frankness of the country gentleman, the refinement of +the artist, the good-humoured allowance of the man of the world; +philanthropy, forbearance, piety, toleration, all blended together in a +flexible adaptability to anything and everything; were expressed in Mr +Pecksniff, as he shook hands with the great speculator and capitalist. + +'Welcome, respected sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to our humble village! We +are a simple people; primitive clods, Mr Montague; but we can appreciate +the honour of your visit, as my dear son-in-law can testify. It is very +strange,' said Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand almost reverentially, +'but I seem to know you. That towering forehead, my dear Jonas,' said Mr +Pecksniff aside, 'and those clustering masses of rich hair--I must have +seen you, my dear sir, in the sparkling throng.' + +Nothing was more probable, they all agreed. + +'I could have wished,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to have had the honour of +introducing you to an elderly inmate of our house: to the uncle of our +friend. Mr Chuzzlewit, sir, would have been proud indeed to have taken +you by the hand.' + +'Is the gentleman here now?' asked Montague, turning deeply red. 'He +is,' said Mr Pecksniff. + +'You said nothing about that, Chuzzlewit.' + +'I didn't suppose you'd care to hear of it,' returned Jonas. 'You +wouldn't care to know him, I can promise you.' + +'Jonas! my dear Jonas!' remonstrated Mr Pecksniff. 'Really!' + +'Oh! it's all very well for you to speak up for him,' said Jonas. 'You +have nailed him. You'll get a fortune by him.' + +'Oho! Is the wind in that quarter?' cried Montague. 'Ha, ha, ha!' and +here they all laughed--especially Mr Pecksniff. + +'No, no!' said that gentleman, clapping his son-in-law playfully upon +the shoulder. 'You must not believe all that my young relative says, +Mr Montague. You may believe him in official business, and trust him in +official business, but you must not attach importance to his flights of +fancy.' + +'Upon my life, Mr Pecksniff,' cried Montague, 'I attach the greatest +importance to that last observation of his. I trust and hope it's true. +Money cannot be turned and turned again quickly enough in the ordinary +course, Mr Pecksniff. There is nothing like building our fortune on the +weaknesses of mankind.' + +'Oh fie! oh fie, for shame!' cried Mr Pecksniff. But they all laughed +again--especially Mr Pecksniff. + +'I give you my honour that WE do it,' said Montague. + +'Oh fie, fie!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'You are very pleasant. That I am +sure you don't! That I am sure you don't! How CAN you, you know?' + +Again they all laughed in concert; and again Mr Pecksniff laughed +especially. + +This was very agreeable indeed. It was confidential, easy, +straight-forward; and still left Mr Pecksniff in the position of being +in a gentle way the Mentor of the party. The greatest achievements in +the article of cookery that the Dragon had ever performed, were set +before them; the oldest and best wines in the Dragon's cellar saw the +light on that occasion; a thousand bubbles, indicative of the wealth and +station of Mr Montague in the depths of his pursuits, were constantly +rising to the surface of the conversation; and they were as frank and +merry as three honest men could be. Mr Pecksniff thought it a pity (he +said so) that Mr Montague should think lightly of mankind and their +weaknesses. He was anxious upon this subject; his mind ran upon it; in +one way or another he was constantly coming back to it; he must make +a convert of him, he said. And as often as Mr Montague repeated his +sentiment about building fortunes on the weaknesses of mankind, and +added frankly, 'WE do it!' just as often Mr Pecksniff repeated 'Oh fie! +oh fie, for shame! I am sure you don't. How CAN you, you know?' laying a +greater stress each time on those last words. + +The frequent repetition of this playful inquiry on the part of Mr +Pecksniff, led at last to playful answers on the part of Mr Montague; +but after some little sharp-shooting on both sides, Mr Pecksniff became +grave, almost to tears; observing that if Mr Montague would give +him leave, he would drink the health of his young kinsman, Mr Jonas; +congratulating him upon the valuable and distinguished friendship he +had formed, but envying him, he would confess, his usefulness to his +fellow-creatures. For, if he understood the objects of that Institution +with which he was newly and advantageously connected--knowing them +but imperfectly--they were calculated to do Good; and for his (Mr +Pecksniff's) part, if he could in any way promote them, he thought +he would be able to lay his head upon his pillow every night, with an +absolute certainty of going to sleep at once. + +The transition from this accidental remark (for it was quite accidental +and had fallen from Mr Pecksniff in the openness of his soul), to the +discussion of the subject as a matter of business, was easy. Books, +papers, statements, tables, calculations of various kinds, were soon +spread out before them; and as they were all framed with one object, +it is not surprising that they should all have tended to one end. But +still, whenever Montague enlarged upon the profits of the office, and +said that as long as there were gulls upon the wing it must succeed, Mr +Pecksniff mildly said 'Oh fie!'--and might indeed have remonstrated +with him, but that he knew he was joking. Mr Pecksniff did know he was +joking; because he said so. + +There never had been before, and there never would be again, such +an opportunity for the investment of a considerable sum (the rate of +advantage increased in proportion to the amount invested), as at that +moment. The only time that had at all approached it, was the time when +Jonas had come into the concern; which made him ill-natured now, and +inclined him to pick out a doubt in this place, and a flaw in that, and +grumbling to advise Mr Pecksniff to think better of it. The sum which +would complete the proprietorship in this snug concern, was nearly equal +to Mr Pecksniff's whole hoard; not counting Mr Chuzzlewit, that is to +say, whom he looked upon as money in the Bank, the possession of which +inclined him the more to make a dash with his own private sprats for +the capture of such a whale as Mr Montague described. The returns +began almost immediately, and were immense. The end of it was, that +Mr Pecksniff agreed to become the last partner and proprietor in the +Anglo-Bengalee, and made an appointment to dine with Mr Montague, at +Salisbury, on the next day but one, then and there to complete the +negotiation. + +It took so long to bring the subject to this head, that it was nearly +midnight when they parted. When Mr Pecksniff walked downstairs to the +door, he found Mrs Lupin standing there, looking out. + +'Ah, my good friend!' he said; 'not a-bed yet! Contemplating the stars, +Mrs Lupin?' + +'It's a beautiful starlight night, sir.' + +'A beautiful starlight night,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up. 'Behold +the planets, how they shine! Behold the--those two persons who were here +this morning have left your house, I hope, Mrs Lupin?' + +'Yes, sir. They are gone.' + +'I am glad to hear it,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Behold the wonders of the +firmament, Mrs Lupin! how glorious is the scene! When I look up at those +shining orbs, I think that each of them is winking to the other to +take notice of the vanity of men's pursuits. My fellow-men!' cried Mr +Pecksniff, shaking his head in pity; 'you are much mistaken; my wormy +relatives, you are much deceived! The stars are perfectly contented (I +suppose so) in their several spheres. Why are not you? Oh! do not strive +and struggle to enrich yourselves, or to get the better of each other, +my deluded friends, but look up there, with me!' + +Mrs Lupin shook her head, and heaved a sigh. It was very affecting. + +'Look up there, with me!' repeated Mr Pecksniff, stretching out +his hand; 'With me, a humble individual who is also an insect like +yourselves. Can silver, gold, or precious stones, sparkle like those +constellations! I think not. Then do not thirst for silver, gold, or +precious stones; but look up there, with me!' + +With those words, the good man patted Mrs Lupin's hand between his own, +as if he would have added 'think of this, my good woman!' and walked +away in a sort of ecstasy or rapture, with his hat under his arm. + +Jonas sat in the attitude in which Mr Pecksniff had left him, gazing +moodily at his friend; who, surrounded by a heap of documents, was +writing something on an oblong slip of paper. + +'You mean to wait at Salisbury over the day after to-morrow, do you, +then?' said Jonas. + +'You heard our appointment,' returned Montague, without raising his +eyes. 'In any case I should have waited to see after the boy.' + +They appeared to have changed places again; Montague being in high +spirits; Jonas gloomy and lowering. + +'You don't want me, I suppose?' said Jonas. + +'I want you to put your name here,' he returned, glancing at him with a +smile, 'as soon as I have filled up the stamp. I may as well have your +note of hand for that extra capital. That's all I want. If you wish +to go home, I can manage Mr Pecksniff now, alone. There is a perfect +understanding between us.' + +Jonas sat scowling at him as he wrote, in silence. When he had +finished his writing, and had dried it on the blotting paper in his +travelling-desk; he looked up, and tossed the pen towards him. + +'What, not a day's grace, not a day's trust, eh?' said Jonas bitterly. +'Not after the pains I have taken with to-night's work?' + +'To night's work was a part of our bargain,' replied Montague; 'and so +was this.' + +'You drive a hard bargain,' said Jonas, advancing to the table. 'You +know best. Give it here!' + +Montague gave him the paper. After pausing as if he could not make up +his mind to put his name to it, Jonas dipped his pen hastily in the +nearest inkstand, and began to write. But he had scarcely marked the +paper when he started back, in a panic. + +'Why, what the devil's this?' he said. 'It's bloody!' + +He had dipped the pen, as another moment showed, into red ink. But he +attached a strange degree of importance to the mistake. He asked how it +had come there, who had brought it, why it had been brought; and looked +at Montague, at first, as if he thought he had put a trick upon him. +Even when he used a different pen, and the right ink, he made some +scratches on another paper first, as half believing they would turn red +also. + +'Black enough, this time,' he said, handing the note to Montague. +'Good-bye.' + +'Going now! how do you mean to get away from here?' + +'I shall cross early in the morning to the high road, before you are out +of bed; and catch the day-coach, going up. Good-bye!' + +'You are in a hurry!' + +'I have something to do,' said Jonas. 'Good-bye!' + +His friend looked after him as he went out, in surprise, which gradually +gave place to an air of satisfaction and relief. + +'It happens all the better. It brings about what I wanted, without any +difficulty. I shall travel home alone.' + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE + +IN WHICH TOM PINCH AND HIS SISTER TAKE A LITTLE PLEASURE; BUT QUITE IN A +DOMESTIC WAY, AND WITH NO CEREMONY ABOUT IT + + +Tom Pinch and his sister having to part, for the dispatch of the +morning's business, immediately after the dispersion of the other actors +in the scene upon the wharf with which the reader has been already made +acquainted, had no opportunity of discussing the subject at that time. +But Tom, in his solitary office, and Ruth, in the triangular parlour, +thought about nothing else all day; and, when their hour of meeting in +the afternoon approached, they were very full of it, to be sure. + +There was a little plot between them, that Tom should always come out +of the Temple by one way; and that was past the fountain. Coming through +Fountain Court, he was just to glance down the steps leading into Garden +Court, and to look once all round him; and if Ruth had come to meet him, +there he would see her; not sauntering, you understand (on account of +the clerks), but coming briskly up, with the best little laugh upon her +face that ever played in opposition to the fountain, and beat it all to +nothing. For, fifty to one, Tom had been looking for her in the wrong +direction, and had quite given her up, while she had been tripping +towards him from the first; jingling that little reticule of hers (with +all the keys in it) to attract his wandering observation. + +Whether there was life enough left in the slow vegetation of Fountain +Court for the smoky shrubs to have any consciousness of the brightest +and purest-hearted little woman in the world, is a question for +gardeners, and those who are learned in the loves of plants. But, that +it was a good thing for that same paved yard to have such a delicate +little figure flitting through it; that it passed like a smile from the +grimy old houses, and the worn flagstones, and left them duller, darker, +sterner than before; there is no sort of doubt. The Temple fountain +might have leaped up twenty feet to greet the spring of hopeful +maidenhood, that in her person stole on, sparkling, through the dry and +dusty channels of the Law; the chirping sparrows, bred in Temple +chinks and crannies, might have held their peace to listen to imaginary +skylarks, as so fresh a little creature passed; the dingy boughs, unused +to droop, otherwise than in their puny growth, might have bent down in +a kindred gracefulness to shed their benedictions on her graceful head; +old love letters, shut up in iron boxes in the neighbouring offices, and +made of no account among the heaps of family papers into which they had +strayed, and of which, in their degeneracy, they formed a part, might +have stirred and fluttered with a moment's recollection of their ancient +tenderness, as she went lightly by. Anything might have happened that +did not happen, and never will, for the love of Ruth. + +Something happened, too, upon the afternoon of which the history treats. +Not for her love. Oh no! quite by accident, and without the least +reference to her at all. + +Either she was a little too soon, or Tom was a little too late--she was +so precise in general, that she timed it to half a minute--but no Tom +was there. Well! But was anybody else there, that she blushed so deeply, +after looking round, and tripped off down the steps with such unusual +expedition? + +Why, the fact is, that Mr Westlock was passing at that moment. The +Temple is a public thoroughfare; they may write up on the gates that it +is not, but so long as the gates are left open it is, and will be; and +Mr Westlock had as good a right to be there as anybody else. But why did +she run away, then? Not being ill dressed, for she was much too neat for +that, why did she run away? The brown hair that had fallen down beneath +her bonnet, and had one impertinent imp of a false flower clinging to +it, boastful of its licence before all men, THAT could not have been the +cause, for it looked charming. Oh! foolish, panting, frightened little +heart, why did she run away! + +Merrily the tiny fountain played, and merrily the dimples sparkled on +its sunny face. John Westlock hurried after her. Softly the whispering +water broke and fell; as roguishly the dimples twinkled, as he stole +upon her footsteps. + +Oh, foolish, panting, timid little heart, why did she feign to be +unconscious of his coming! Why wish herself so far away, yet be so +flutteringly happy there! + +'I felt sure it was you,' said John, when he overtook her in the +sanctuary of Garden Court. 'I knew I couldn't be mistaken.' + +She was SO surprised. + +'You are waiting for your brother,' said John. 'Let me bear you +company.' + +So light was the touch of the coy little hand, that he glanced down to +assure himself he had it on his arm. But his glance, stopping for +an instant at the bright eyes, forgot its first design, and went no +farther. + +They walked up and down three or four times, speaking about Tom and his +mysterious employment. Now that was a very natural and innocent subject, +surely. Then why, whenever Ruth lifted up her eyes, did she let them +fall again immediately, and seek the uncongenial pavement of the court? +They were not such eyes as shun the light; they were not such eyes +as require to be hoarded to enhance their value. They were much too +precious and too genuine to stand in need of arts like those. Somebody +must have been looking at them! + +They found out Tom, though, quickly enough. This pair of eyes descried +him in the distance, the moment he appeared. He was staring about him, +as usual, in all directions but the right one; and was as obstinate +in not looking towards them, as if he had intended it. As it was plain +that, being left to himself, he would walk away home, John Westlock +darted off to stop him. + +This made the approach of poor little Ruth, by herself, one of the +most embarrassing of circumstances. There was Tom, manifesting extreme +surprise (he had no presence of mind, that Tom, on small occasions); +there was John, making as light of it as he could, but explaining at the +same time with most unnecessary elaboration; and here was she, coming +towards them, with both of them looking at her, conscious of blushing to +a terrible extent, but trying to throw up her eyebrows carelessly, and +pout her rosy lips, as if she were the coolest and most unconcerned of +little women. + +Merrily the fountain plashed and plashed, until the dimples, merging +into one another, swelled into a general smile, that covered the whole +surface of the basin. + +'What an extraordinary meeting!' said Tom. 'I should never have dreamed +of seeing you two together here.' + +'Quite accidental,' John was heard to murmur. + +'Exactly,' cried Tom; 'that's what I mean, you know. If it wasn't +accidental, there would be nothing remarkable in it.' + +'To be sure,' said John. + +'Such an out-of-the-way place for you to have met in,' pursued Tom, +quite delighted. 'Such an unlikely spot!' + +John rather disputed that. On the contrary, he considered it a very +likely spot, indeed. He was constantly passing to and fro there, he +said. He shouldn't wonder if it were to happen again. His only wonder +was, that it had never happened before. + +By this time Ruth had got round on the farther side of her brother, and +had taken his arm. She was squeezing it now, as much as to say 'Are you +going to stop here all day, you dear, old, blundering Tom?' + +Tom answered the squeeze as if it had been a speech. 'John,' he said, +'if you'll give my sister your arm, we'll take her between us, and walk +on. I have a curious circumstance to relate to you. Our meeting could +not have happened better.' + +Merrily the fountain leaped and danced, and merrily the smiling dimples +twinkled and expanded more and more, until they broke into a laugh +against the basin's rim, and vanished. + +'Tom,' said his friend, as they turned into the noisy street, 'I have a +proposition to make. It is, that you and your sister--if she will so far +honour a poor bachelor's dwelling--give me a great pleasure, and come +and dine with me.' + +'What, to-day?' cried Tom. + +'Yes, to-day. It's close by, you know. Pray, Miss Pinch, insist upon it. +It will be very disinterested, for I have nothing to give you.' + +'Oh! you must not believe that, Ruth,' said Tom. 'He is the most +tremendous fellow, in his housekeeping, that I ever heard of, for a +single man. He ought to be Lord Mayor. Well! what do you say? Shall we +go?' + +'If you please, Tom,' rejoined his dutiful little sister. + +'But I mean,' said Tom, regarding her with smiling admiration; 'is there +anything you ought to wear, and haven't got? I am sure I don't know, +John; she may not be able to take her bonnet off, for anything I can +tell.' + +There was a great deal of laughing at this, and there were divers +compliments from John Westlock--not compliments HE said at least (and +really he was right), but good, plain, honest truths, which no one could +deny. Ruth laughed, and all that, but she made no objection; so it was +an engagement. + +'If I had known it a little sooner,' said John, 'I would have tried +another pudding. Not in rivalry; but merely to exalt that famous one. I +wouldn't on any account have had it made with suet.' + +'Why not?' asked Tom. + +'Because that cookery-book advises suet,' said John Westlock; 'and ours +was made with flour and eggs.' + +'Oh good gracious!' cried Tom. 'Ours was made with flour and eggs, +was it? Ha, ha, ha! A beefsteak pudding made with flour and eggs! Why +anybody knows better than that. I know better than that! Ha, ha, ha!' + +It is unnecessary to say that Tom had been present at the making of the +pudding, and had been a devoted believer in it all through. But he was +so delighted to have this joke against his busy little sister and was +tickled to that degree at having found her out, that he stopped +in Temple Bar to laugh; and it was no more to Tom, that he was +anathematized and knocked about by the surly passengers, than it would +have been to a post; for he continued to exclaim with unabated good +humour, 'flour and eggs! A beefsteak pudding made with flour and eggs!' +until John Westlock and his sister fairly ran away from him, and left +him to have his laugh out by himself; which he had, and then came +dodging across the crowded street to them, with such sweet temper and +tenderness (it was quite a tender joke of Tom's) beaming in his face, +God bless it, that it might have purified the air, though Temple Bar had +been, as in the golden days gone by, embellished with a row of rotting +human heads. + +There are snug chambers in those Inns where the bachelors live, and, for +the desolate fellows they pretend to be, it is quite surprising how well +they get on. John was very pathetic on the subject of his dreary life, +and the deplorable makeshifts and apologetic contrivances it involved, +but he really seemed to make himself pretty comfortable. His rooms were +the perfection of neatness and convenience at any rate; and if he were +anything but comfortable, the fault was certainly not theirs. + +He had no sooner ushered Tom and his sister into his best room (where +there was a beautiful little vase of fresh flowers on the table, all +ready for Ruth. Just as if he had expected her, Tom said), than, seizing +his hat, he bustled out again, in his most energetically bustling, way; +and presently came hurrying back, as they saw through the half-opened +door, attended by a fiery-faced matron attired in a crunched bonnet, +with particularly long strings to it hanging down her back; in +conjunction with whom he instantly began to lay the cloth for dinner, +polishing up the wine-glasses with his own hands, brightening the silver +top of the pepper-caster on his coat-sleeve, drawing corks and filling +decanters, with a skill and expedition that were quite dazzling. And +as if, in the course of this rubbing and polishing, he had rubbed an +enchanted lamp or a magic ring, obedient to which there were twenty +thousand supernatural slaves at least, suddenly there appeared a being +in a white waistcoat, carrying under his arm a napkin, and attended by +another being with an oblong box upon his head, from which a banquet, +piping hot, was taken out and set upon the table. + +Salmon, lamb, peas, innocent young potatoes, a cool salad, sliced +cucumber, a tender duckling, and a tart--all there. They all came at the +right time. Where they came from, didn't appear; but the oblong box was +constantly going and coming, and making its arrival known to the man in +the white waistcoat by bumping modestly against the outside of the door; +for, after its first appearance, it entered the room no more. He +was never surprised, this man; he never seemed to wonder at the +extraordinary things he found in the box, but took them out with a face +expressive of a steady purpose and impenetrable character, and put +them on the table. He was a kind man; gentle in his manners, and much +interested in what they ate and drank. He was a learned man, and knew +the flavour of John Westlock's private sauces, which he softly and +feelingly described, as he handed the little bottles round. He was a +grave man, and a noiseless; for dinner being done, and wine and fruit +arranged upon the board, he vanished, box and all, like something that +had never been. + +'Didn't I say he was a tremendous fellow in his housekeeping?' cried +Tom. 'Bless my soul! It's wonderful.' + +'Ah, Miss Pinch,' said John. 'This is the bright side of the life we +lead in such a place. It would be a dismal life, indeed, if it didn't +brighten up to-day' + +'Don't believe a word he says,' cried Tom. 'He lives here like a +monarch, and wouldn't change his mode of life for any consideration. He +only pretends to grumble.' + +No, John really did not appear to pretend; for he was uncommonly earnest +in his desire to have it understood that he was as dull, solitary, and +uncomfortable on ordinary occasions as an unfortunate young man could, +in reason, be. It was a wretched life, he said, a miserable life. He +thought of getting rid of the chambers as soon as possible; and meant, +in fact, to put a bill up very shortly. + +'Well' said Tom Pinch, 'I don't know where you can go, John, to be more +comfortable. That's all I can say. What do YOU say, Ruth?' + +Ruth trifled with the cherries on her plate, and said that she thought +Mr Westlock ought to be quite happy, and that she had no doubt he was. + +Ah, foolish, panting, frightened little heart, how timidly she said it! + +'But you are forgetting what you had to tell, Tom; what occurred this +morning,' she added in the same breath. + +'So I am,' said Tom. 'We have been so talkative on other topics that I +declare I have not had time to think of it. I'll tell it you at once, +John, in case I should forget it altogether.' + +On Tom's relating what had passed upon the wharf, his friend was very +much surprised, and took such a great interest in the narrative as +Tom could not quite understand. He believed he knew the old lady whose +acquaintance they had made, he said; and that he might venture to say, +from their description of her, that her name was Gamp. But of what +nature the communication could have been which Tom had borne so +unexpectedly; why its delivery had been entrusted to him; how it +happened that the parties were involved together; and what secret lay +at the bottom of the whole affair; perplexed him very much. Tom had been +sure of his taking some interest in the matter; but was not prepared for +the strong interest he showed. It held John Westlock to the subject even +after Ruth had left the room; and evidently made him anxious to pursue +it further than as a mere subject of conversation. + +'I shall remonstrate with my landlord, of course,' said Tom; 'though he +is a very singular secret sort of man, and not likely to afford me much +satisfaction; even if he knew what was in the letter.' + +'Which you may swear he did,' John interposed. + +'You think so?' + +'I am certain of it.' + +'Well!' said Tom, 'I shall remonstrate with him when I see him (he +goes in and out in a strange way, but I will try to catch him tomorrow +morning), on his having asked me to execute such an unpleasant +commission. And I have been thinking, John, that if I went down to +Mrs What's-her-name's in the City, where I was before, you know--Mrs +Todgers's--to-morrow morning, I might find poor Mercy Pecksniff there, +perhaps, and be able to explain to her how I came to have any hand in +the business.' + +'You are perfectly right, Tom,' returned his friend, after a short +interval of reflection. 'You cannot do better. It is quite clear to me +that whatever the business is, there is little good in it; and it is so +desirable for you to disentangle yourself from any appearance of willful +connection with it, that I would counsel you to see her husband, if you +can, and wash your hands of it by a plain statement of the facts. I have +a misgiving that there is something dark at work here, Tom. I will tell +you why, at another time; when I have made an inquiry or two myself.' + +All this sounded very mysterious to Tom Pinch. But as he knew he could +rely upon his friend, he resolved to follow this advice. + +Ah, but it would have been a good thing to have had a coat of +invisibility, wherein to have watched little Ruth, when she was left +to herself in John Westlock's chambers, and John and her brother were +talking thus, over their wine! The gentle way in which she tried to get +up a little conversation with the fiery-faced matron in the crunched +bonnet, who was waiting to attend her; after making a desperate rally +in regard of her dress, and attiring herself in a washed-out yellow gown +with sprigs of the same upon it, so that it looked like a tesselated +work of pats of butter. That would have been pleasant. The grim and +griffin-like inflexibility with which the fiery-faced matron repelled +these engaging advances, as proceeding from a hostile and dangerous +power, who could have no business there, unless it were to deprive her +of a customer, or suggest what became of the self-consuming tea and +sugar, and other general trifles. That would have been agreeable. The +bashful, winning, glorious curiosity, with which little Ruth, when +fiery-face was gone, peeped into the books and nick-nacks that +were lying about, and had a particular interest in some delicate +paper-matches on the chimney-piece; wondering who could have made them. +That would have been worth seeing. The faltering hand with which she +tied those flowers together; with which, almost blushing at her own +fair self as imaged in the glass, she arranged them in her breast, and +looking at them with her head aside, now half resolved to take them out +again, now half resolved to leave them where they were. That would have +been delightful! + +John seemed to think it all delightful; for coming in with Tom to +tea, he took his seat beside her like a man enchanted. And when the +tea-service had been removed, and Tom, sitting down at the piano, became +absorbed in some of his old organ tunes, he was still beside her at the +open window, looking out upon the twilight. + +There is little enough to see in Furnival's Inn. It is a shady, quiet +place, echoing to the footsteps of the stragglers who have business +there; and rather monotonous and gloomy on summer evenings. What gave it +such a charm to them, that they remained at the window as unconscious of +the flight of time as Tom himself, the dreamer, while the melodies which +had so often soothed his spirit were hovering again about him! What +power infused into the fading light, the gathering darkness; the stars +that here and there appeared; the evening air, the City's hum and stir, +the very chiming of the old church clocks; such exquisite enthrallment, +that the divinest regions of the earth spread out before their eyes +could not have held them captive in a stronger chain? + +The shadows deepened, deepened, and the room became quite dark. Still +Tom's fingers wandered over the keys of the piano, and still the window +had its pair of tenants. At length, her hand upon his shoulder, and her +breath upon his forehead, roused Tom from his reverie. + +'Dear me!' he cried, desisting with a start. 'I am afraid I have been +very inconsiderate and unpolite.' + +Tom little thought how much consideration and politeness he had shown! + +'Sing something to us, my dear,' said Tom, 'let us hear your voice. +Come!' + +John Westlock added his entreaties with such earnestness that a flinty +heart alone could have resisted them. Hers was not a flinty heart. Oh, +dear no! Quite another thing. + +So down she sat, and in a pleasant voice began to sing the ballads Tom +loved well. Old rhyming stories, with here and there a pause for a few +simple chords, such as a harper might have sounded in the ancient time +while looking upward for the current of some half-remembered legend; +words of old poets, wedded to such measures that the strain of music +might have been the poet's breath, giving utterance and expression to +his thoughts; and now a melody so joyous and light-hearted, that the +singer seemed incapable of sadness, until in her inconstancy (oh wicked +little singer!) she relapsed, and broke the listeners' hearts again; +these were the simple means she used to please them. And that these +simple means prevailed, and she DID please them, let the still darkened +chamber, and its long-deferred illumination witness. + +The candles came at last, and it was time for moving homeward. Cutting +paper carefully, and rolling it about the stalks of those same flowers, +occasioned some delay; but even this was done in time, and Ruth was +ready. + +'Good night!' said Tom. 'A memorable and delightful visit, John! Good +night!' + +John thought he would walk with them. + +'No, no. Don't!' said Tom. 'What nonsense! We can get home very well +alone. I couldn't think of taking you out.' + +But John said he would rather. + +'Are you sure you would rather?' said Tom. 'I am afraid you only say so +out of politeness.' + +John being quite sure, gave his arm to Ruth, and led her out. +Fiery-face, who was again in attendance, acknowledged her departure with +so cold a curtsey that it was hardly visible; and cut Tom, dead. + +Their host was bent on walking the whole distance, and would not listen +to Tom's dissuasions. Happy time, happy walk, happy parting, happy +dreams! But there are some sweet day-dreams, so there are that put the +visions of the night to shame. + +Busily the Temple fountain murmured in the moonlight, while Ruth lay +sleeping, with her flowers beside her; and John Westlock sketched a +portrait--whose?--from memory. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-SIX + +IN WHICH MISS PECKSNIFF MAKES LOVE, MR JONAS MAKES WRATH, MRS GAMP MAKES +TEA, AND MR CHUFFEY MAKES BUSINESS + + +On the next day's official duties coming to a close, Tom hurried home +without losing any time by the way; and after dinner and a short rest +sallied out again, accompanied by Ruth, to pay his projected visit +to Todgers's. Tom took Ruth with him, not only because it was a great +pleasure to him to have her for his companion whenever he could, but +because he wished her to cherish and comfort poor Merry; which she, for +her own part (having heard the wretched history of that young wife from +Tom), was all eagerness to do. + +'She was so glad to see me,' said Tom, 'that I am sure she will be +glad to see you. Your sympathy is certain to be much more delicate and +acceptable than mine.' + +'I am very far from being certain of that, Tom,' she replied; 'and +indeed you do yourself an injustice. Indeed you do. But I hope she may +like me, Tom.' + +'Oh, she is sure to do that!' cried Tom, confidently. + +'What a number of friends I should have, if everybody was of your way of +thinking. Shouldn't I, Tom, dear?' said his little sister pinching him +upon the cheek. + +Tom laughed, and said that with reference to this particular case he had +no doubt at all of finding a disciple in Merry. 'For you women,' said +Tom, 'you women, my dear, are so kind, and in your kindness have such +nice perception; you know so well how to be affectionate and full of +solicitude without appearing to be; your gentleness of feeling is like +your touch so light and easy, that the one enables you to deal with +wounds of the mind as tenderly as the other enables you to deal with +wounds of the body. You are such--' + +'My goodness, Tom!' his sister interposed. 'You ought to fall in love +immediately.' + +Tom put this observation off good humouredly, but somewhat gravely too; +and they were soon very chatty again on some other subject. + +As they were passing through a street in the City, not very far from Mrs +Todgers's place of residence, Ruth checked Tom before the window of +a large Upholstery and Furniture Warehouse, to call his attention to +something very magnificent and ingenious, displayed there to the best +advantage, for the admiration and temptation of the public. Tom had +hazarded some most erroneous and extravagantly wrong guess in relation +to the price of this article, and had joined his sister in laughing +heartily at his mistake, when he pressed her arm in his, and pointed to +two persons at a little distance, who were looking in at the same window +with a deep interest in the chests of drawers and tables. + +'Hush!' Tom whispered. 'Miss Pecksniff, and the young gentleman to whom +she is going to be married.' + +'Why does he look as if he was going to be buried, Tom?' inquired his +little sister. + +'Why, he is naturally a dismal young gentleman, I believe,' said Tom +'but he is very civil and inoffensive.' + +'I suppose they are furnishing their house,' whispered Ruth. + +'Yes, I suppose they are,' replied Tom. 'We had better avoid speaking to +them.' + +They could not very well avoid looking at them, however, especially +as some obstruction on the pavement, at a little distance, happened to +detain them where they were for a few moments. Miss Pecksniff had quite +the air of having taken the unhappy Moddle captive, and brought him +up to the contemplation of the furniture like a lamb to the altar. +He offered no resistance, but was perfectly resigned and quiet. The +melancholy depicted in the turn of his languishing head, and in his +dejected attitude, was extreme; and though there was a full-sized +four-post bedstead in the window, such a tear stood trembling in his eye +as seemed to blot it out. + +'Augustus, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'ask the price of the eight +rosewood chairs, and the loo table.' + +'Perhaps they are ordered already,' said Augustus. 'Perhaps they are +Another's.' + +'They can make more like them, if they are,' rejoined Miss Pecksniff. + +'No, no, they can't,' said Moddle. 'It's impossible!' + +He appeared, for the moment, to be quite overwhelmed and stupefied by +the prospect of his approaching happiness; but recovering, entered the +shop. He returned immediately, saying in a tone of despair + +'Twenty-four pound ten!' + +Miss Pecksniff, turning to receive this announcement, became conscious +of the observation of Tom Pinch and his sister. + +'Oh, really!' cried Miss Pecksniff, glancing about her, as if for some +convenient means of sinking into the earth. 'Upon my word, I--there +never was such a--to think that one should be so very--Mr Augustus +Moddle, Miss Pinch!' + +Miss Pecksniff was quite gracious to Miss Pinch in this triumphant +introduction; exceedingly gracious. She was more than gracious; she was +kind and cordial. Whether the recollection of the old service Tom had +rendered her in knocking Mr Jonas on the head had wrought this change in +her opinions; or whether her separation from her parent had reconciled +her to all human-kind, or to all that interesting portion of human-kind +which was not friendly to him; or whether the delight of having some new +female acquaintance to whom to communicate her interesting prospects was +paramount to every other consideration; cordial and kind Miss Pecksniff +was. And twice Miss Pecksniff kissed Miss Pinch upon the cheek. + +'Augustus--Mr Pinch, you know. My dear girl!' said Miss Pecksniff, +aside. 'I never was so ashamed in my life.' + +Ruth begged her not to think of it. + +'I mind your brother less than anybody else,' simpered Miss Pecksniff. +'But the indelicacy of meeting any gentleman under such circumstances! +Augustus, my child, did you--' + +Here Miss Pecksniff whispered in his ear. The suffering Moddle repeated: + +'Twenty-four pound ten!' + +'Oh, you silly man! I don't mean them,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I am +speaking of the--' + +Here she whispered him again. + +'If it's the same patterned chintz as that in the window; thirty-two, +twelve, six,' said Moddle, with a sigh. 'And very dear.' + +Miss Pecksniff stopped him from giving any further explanation by laying +her hand upon his lips, and betraying a soft embarrassment. She then +asked Tom Pinch which way he was going. + +'I was going to see if I could find your sister,' answered Tom, 'to whom +I wished to say a few words. We were going to Mrs Todgers's, where I had +the pleasure of seeing her before.' + +'It's of no use your going on, then,' said Cherry, 'for we have not +long left there; and I know she is not at home. But I'll take you to my +sister's house, if you please. Augustus--Mr Moddle, I mean--and myself, +are on our way to tea there, now. You needn't think of HIM,' she added, +nodding her head as she observed some hesitation on Tom's part. 'He is +not at home.' + +'Are you sure?' asked Tom. + +'Oh, I am quite sure of that. I don't want any MORE revenge,' said Miss +Pecksniff, expressively. 'But, really, I must beg you two gentlemen to +walk on, and allow me to follow with Miss Pinch. My dear, I never was so +taken by surprise!' + +In furtherance of this bashful arrangement, Moddle gave his arm to Tom; +and Miss Pecksniff linked her own in Ruth's. + +'Of course, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'it would be useless for me +to disguise, after what you have seen, that I am about to be united to +the gentleman who is walking with your brother. It would be in vain +to conceal it. What do you think of him? Pray, let me have your candid +opinion.' + +Ruth intimated that, as far as she could judge, he was a very eligible +swain. + +'I am curious to know,' said Miss Pecksniff, with loquacious frankness, +'whether you have observed, or fancied, in this very short space of +time, that he is of a rather melancholy turn?' + +'So very short a time,' Ruth pleaded. + +'No, no; but don't let that interfere with your answer,' returned Miss +Pecksniff. 'I am curious to hear what you say.' + +Ruth acknowledged that he had impressed her at first sight as looking +'rather low.' + +'No, really?' said Miss Pecksniff. 'Well! that is quite remarkable! +Everybody says the same. Mrs Todgers says the same; and Augustus informs +me that it is quite a joke among the gentlemen in the house. Indeed, but +for the positive commands I have laid upon him, I believe it would have +been the occasion of loaded fire-arms being resorted to more than once. +What do you think is the cause of his appearance of depression?' + +Ruth thought of several things; such as his digestion, his tailor, his +mother, and the like. But hesitating to give utterance to any one of +them, she refrained from expressing an opinion. + +'My dear,' said Miss Pecksniff; 'I shouldn't wish it to be known, but I +don't mind mentioning it to you, having known your brother for so many +years--I refused Augustus three times. He is of a most amiable and +sensitive nature, always ready to shed tears if you look at him, which +is extremely charming; and he has never recovered the effect of that +cruelty. For it WAS cruel,' said Miss Pecksniff, with a self-conviction +candour that might have adorned the diadem of her own papa. 'There is +no doubt of it. I look back upon my conduct now with blushes. I always +liked him. I felt that he was not to me what the crowd of young men who +had made proposals had been, but something very different. Then what +right had I to refuse him three times?' + +'It was a severe trial of his fidelity, no doubt,' said Ruth. + +'My dear,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'It was wrong. But such is the +caprice and thoughtlessness of our sex! Let me be a warning to you. +Don't try the feelings of any one who makes you an offer, as I have +tried the feelings of Augustus; but if you ever feel towards a person +as I really felt towards him, at the very time when I was driving him +to distraction, let that feeling find expression, if that person throws +himself at your feet, as Augustus Moddle did at mine. Think,' said Miss +Pecksniff, 'what my feelings would have been, if I had goaded him to +suicide, and it had got into the papers!' + +Ruth observed that she would have been full of remorse, no doubt. + +'Remorse!' cried Miss Pecksniff, in a sort of snug and comfortable +penitence. 'What my remorse is at this moment, even after making +reparation by accepting him, it would be impossible to tell you! Looking +back upon my giddy self, my dear, now that I am sobered down and +made thoughtful, by treading on the very brink of matrimony; and +contemplating myself as I was when I was like what you are now; I +shudder. I shudder. What is the consequence of my past conduct? Until +Augustus leads me to the altar he is not sure of me. I have blighted and +withered the affections of his heart to that extent that he is not sure +of me. I see that preying on his mind and feeding on his vitals. What +are the reproaches of my conscience, when I see this in the man I love!' + +Ruth endeavoured to express some sense of her unbounded and flattering +confidence; and presumed that she was going to be married soon. + +'Very soon indeed,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'As soon as our house is +ready. We are furnishing now as fast as we can.' + +In the same vein of confidence Miss Pecksniff ran through a general +inventory of the articles that were already bought with the articles +that remained to be purchased; what garments she intended to be married +in, and where the ceremony was to be performed; and gave Miss Pinch, in +short (as she told her), early and exclusive information on all points +of interest connected with the event. + +While this was going forward in the rear, Tom and Mr Moddle walked on, +arm in arm, in the front, in a state of profound silence, which Tom at +last broke; after thinking for a long time what he could say that should +refer to an indifferent topic, in respect of which he might rely, with +some degree of certainty, on Mr Moddle's bosom being unruffled. + +'I wonder,' said Tom, 'that in these crowded streets the foot-passengers +are not oftener run over.' + +Mr Moddle, with a dark look, replied: + +'The drivers won't do it.' + +'Do you mean?' Tom began-- + +'That there are some men,' interrupted Moddle, with a hollow laugh, 'who +can't get run over. They live a charmed life. Coal waggons recoil from +them, and even cabs refuse to run them down. Ah!' said Augustus, marking +Tom's astonishment. 'There are such men. One of 'em is a friend of +mine.' + +'Upon my word and honour,' thought Tom, 'this young gentleman is in +a state of mind which is very serious indeed!' Abandoning all idea of +conversation, he did not venture to say another word, but he was careful +to keep a tight hold upon Augustus's arm, lest he should fly into the +road, and making another and a more successful attempt, should get up a +private little Juggernaut before the eyes of his betrothed. Tom was +so afraid of his committing this rash act, that he had scarcely ever +experienced such mental relief as when they arrived in safety at Mrs +Jonas Chuzzlewit's house. + +'Walk up, pray, Mr Pinch,' said Miss Pecksniff. For Tom halted, +irresolutely, at the door. + +'I am doubtful whether I should be welcome,' replied Tom, 'or, I ought +rather to say, I have no doubt about it. I will send up a message, I +think.' + +'But what nonsense that is!' returned Miss Pecksniff, speaking apart +to Tom. 'He is not at home, I am certain. I know he is not; and Merry +hasn't the least idea that you ever--' + +'No,' interrupted Tom. 'Nor would I have her know it, on any account. I +am not so proud of that scuffle, I assure you.' + +'Ah, but then you are so modest, you see,' returned Miss Pecksniff, with +a smile. 'But pray walk up. If you don't wish her to know it, and do +wish to speak to her, pray walk up. Pray walk up, Miss Pinch. Don't +stand here.' + +Tom still hesitated for he felt that he was in an awkward position. But +Cherry passing him at this juncture, and leading his sister upstairs, +and the house-door being at the same time shut behind them, he followed +without quite knowing whether it was well or ill-judged so to do. + +'Merry, my darling!' said the fair Miss Pecksniff, opening the door of +the usual sitting-room. 'Here are Mr Pinch and his sister come to see +you! I thought we should find you here, Mrs Todgers! How do you do, Mrs +Gamp? And how do you do, Mr Chuffey, though it's of no use asking you +the question, I am well aware.' + +Honouring each of these parties, as she severally addressed them, with +an acid smile, Miss Charity presented 'Mr Moddle.' + +'I believe you have seen HIM before,' she pleasantly observed. +'Augustus, my sweet child, bring me a chair.' + +The sweet child did as he was told; and was then about to retire into a +corner to mourn in secret, when Miss Charity, calling him in an audible +whisper a 'little pet,' gave him leave to come and sit beside her. It +is to be hoped, for the general cheerfulness of mankind, that such a +doleful little pet was never seen as Mr Moddle looked when he complied. +So despondent was his temper, that he showed no outward thrill of +ecstasy when Miss Pecksniff placed her lily hand in his, and concealed +this mark of her favour from the vulgar gaze by covering it with a +corner of her shawl. Indeed, he was infinitely more rueful then than +he had been before; and, sitting uncomfortably upright in his chair, +surveyed the company with watery eyes, which seemed to say, without +the aid of language, 'Oh, good gracious! look here! Won't some kind +Christian help me!' + +But the ecstasies of Mrs Gamp were sufficient to have furnished forth +a score of young lovers; and they were chiefly awakened by the sight of +Tom Pinch and his sister. Mrs Gamp was a lady of that happy temperament +which can be ecstatic without any other stimulating cause than a general +desire to establish a large and profitable connection. She added daily +so many strings to her bow, that she made a perfect harp of it; and upon +that instrument she now began to perform an extemporaneous concerto. + +'Why, goodness me!' she said, 'Mrs Chuzzlewit! To think as I should see +beneath this blessed 'ouse, which well I know it, Miss Pecksniff, my +sweet young lady, to be a 'ouse as there is not a many like, worse luck, +and wishin' it were not so, which then this tearful walley would be +changed into a flowerin' guardian, Mr Chuffey; to think as I should see +beneath this indiwidgle roof, identically comin', Mr Pinch (I take the +liberty, though almost unbeknown), and do assure you of it, sir, the +smilinest and sweetest face as ever, Mrs Chuzzlewit, I see exceptin' +yourn, my dear good lady, and YOUR good lady's too, sir, Mr Moddle, if +I may make so bold as speak so plain of what is plain enough to them as +needn't look through millstones, Mrs Todgers, to find out wot is wrote +upon the wall behind. Which no offence is meant, ladies and gentlemen; +none bein' took, I hope. To think as I should see that smilinest and +sweetest face which me and another friend of mine, took notice of among +the packages down London Bridge, in this promiscous place, is a surprige +in-deed!' + +Having contrived, in this happy manner, to invest every member of her +audience with an individual share and immediate personal interest in +her address, Mrs Gamp dropped several curtseys to Ruth, and smilingly +shaking her head a great many times, pursued the thread of her +discourse: + +'Now, ain't we rich in beauty this here joyful arternoon, I'm sure. I +knows a lady, which her name, I'll not deceive you, Mrs Chuzzlewit, is +Harris, her husband's brother bein' six foot three, and marked with +a mad bull in Wellington boots upon his left arm, on account of his +precious mother havin' been worrited by one into a shoemaker's shop, +when in a sitiwation which blessed is the man as has his quiver full of +sech, as many times I've said to Gamp when words has roge betwixt us on +account of the expense--and often have I said to Mrs Harris, "Oh, Mrs +Harris, ma'am! your countenance is quite a angel's!" Which, but +for Pimples, it would be. "No, Sairey Gamp," says she, "you best of +hard-working and industrious creeturs as ever was underpaid at any +price, which underpaid you are, quite diff'rent. Harris had it done +afore marriage at ten and six," she says, "and wore it faithful next his +heart till the colour run, when the money was declined to be give back, +and no arrangement could be come to. But he never said it was a angel's, +Sairey, wotever he might have thought." If Mrs Harris's husband was +here now,' said Mrs Gamp, looking round, and chuckling as she dropped +a general curtsey, 'he'd speak out plain, he would, and his dear wife +would be the last to blame him! For if ever a woman lived as know'd not +wot it was to form a wish to pizon them as had good looks, and had no +reagion give her by the best of husbands, Mrs Harris is that ev'nly +dispogician!' + +With these words the worthy woman, who appeared to have dropped in +to take tea as a delicate little attention, rather than to have any +engagement on the premises in an official capacity, crossed to Mr +Chuffey, who was seated in the same corner as of old, and shook him by +the shoulder. + +'Rouge yourself, and look up! Come!' said Mrs Gamp. 'Here's company, Mr +Chuffey.' + +'I am sorry for it,' cried the old man, looking humbly round the room. +'I know I'm in the way. I ask pardon, but I've nowhere else to go to. +Where is she?' + +Merry went to him. + +'Ah!' said the old man, patting her on the check. 'Here she is. Here she +is! She's never hard on poor old Chuffey. Poor old Chuff!' + +As she took her seat upon a low chair by the old man's side, and put +herself within the reach of his hand, she looked up once at Tom. It +was a sad look that she cast upon him, though there was a faint smile +trembling on her face. It was a speaking look, and Tom knew what it +said. 'You see how misery has changed me. I can feel for a dependant +NOW, and set some value on his attachment.' + +'Aye, aye!' cried Chuffey in a soothing tone. 'Aye, aye, aye! Never mind +him. It's hard to hear, but never mind him. He'll die one day. There +are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year--three hundred and +sixty-six in leap year--and he may die on any one of 'em.' + +'You're a wearing old soul, and that's the sacred truth,' said Mrs Gamp, +contemplating him from a little distance with anything but favour, as he +continued to mutter to himself. 'It's a pity that you don't know wot you +say, for you'd tire your own patience out if you did, and fret yourself +into a happy releage for all as knows you.' + +'His son,' murmured the old man, lifting up his hand. 'His son!' + +'Well, I'm sure!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you're a-settlin' of it, Mr Chuffey. +To your satigefaction, sir, I hope. But I wouldn't lay a new pincushion +on it myself, sir, though you ARE so well informed. Drat the old +creetur, he's a-layin' down the law tolerable confident, too! A deal he +knows of sons! or darters either! Suppose you was to favour us with some +remarks on twins, sir, WOULD you be so good!' + +The bitter and indignant sarcasm which Mrs Gamp conveyed into these +taunts was altogether lost on the unconscious Chuffey, who appeared to +be as little cognizant of their delivery as of his having given Mrs +Gamp offence. But that high-minded woman being sensitively alive to any +invasion of her professional province, and imagining that Mr Chuffey had +given utterance to some prediction on the subject of sons, which ought +to have emanated in the first instance from herself as the only lawful +authority, or which should at least have been on no account proclaimed +without her sanction and concurrence, was not so easily appeased. She +continued to sidle at Mr Chuffey with looks of sharp hostility, and to +defy him with many other ironical remarks, uttered in that low key +which commonly denotes suppressed indignation; until the entrance of +the teaboard, and a request from Mrs Jonas that she would make tea at a +side-table for the party that had unexpectedly assembled, restored her +to herself. She smiled again, and entered on her ministration with her +own particular urbanity. + +'And quite a family it is to make tea for,' said Mrs Gamp; 'and wot a +happiness to do it! My good young 'ooman'--to the servant-girl--'p'raps +somebody would like to try a new-laid egg or two, not biled too hard. +Likeways, a few rounds o' buttered toast, first cuttin' off the crust, +in consequence of tender teeth, and not too many of 'em; which Gamp +himself, Mrs Chuzzlewit, at one blow, being in liquor, struck out four, +two single, and two double, as was took by Mrs Harris for a keepsake, +and is carried in her pocket at this present hour, along with two +cramp-bones, a bit o' ginger, and a grater like a blessed infant's shoe, +in tin, with a little heel to put the nutmeg in; as many times I've seen +and said, and used for candle when required, within the month.' + +As the privileges of the side-table--besides including the small +prerogatives of sitting next the toast, and taking two cups of tea to +other people's one, and always taking them at a crisis, that is to +say, before putting fresh water into the tea-pot, and after it had been +standing for some time--also comprehended a full view of the company, +and an opportunity of addressing them as from a rostrum, Mrs Gamp +discharged the functions entrusted to her with extreme good-humour and +affability. Sometimes resting her saucer on the palm of her outspread +hand, and supporting her elbow on the table, she stopped between her +sips of tea to favour the circle with a smile, a wink, a roll of the +head, or some other mark of notice; and at those periods her countenance +was lighted up with a degree of intelligence and vivacity, which it was +almost impossible to separate from the benignant influence of distilled +waters. + +But for Mrs Gamp, it would have been a curiously silent party. Miss +Pecksniff only spoke to her Augustus, and to him in whispers. Augustus +spoke to nobody, but sighed for every one, and occasionally gave himself +such a sounding slap upon the forehead as would make Mrs Todgers, who +was rather nervous, start in her chair with an involuntary exclamation. +Mrs Todgers was occupied in knitting, and seldom spoke. Poor Merry held +the hand of cheerful little Ruth between her own, and listening with +evident pleasure to all she said, but rarely speaking herself, sometimes +smiled, and sometimes kissed her on the cheek, and sometimes turned +aside to hide the tears that trembled in her eyes. Tom felt this change +in her so much, and was so glad to see how tenderly Ruth dealt with her, +and how she knew and answered to it, that he had not the heart to make +any movement towards their departure, although he had long since given +utterance to all he came to say. + +The old clerk, subsiding into his usual state, remained profoundly +silent, while the rest of the little assembly were thus occupied, intent +upon the dreams, whatever they might be, which hardly seemed to stir +the surface of his sluggish thoughts. The bent of these dull fancies +combining probably with the silent feasting that was going on about him, +and some struggling recollection of the last approach to revelry he had +witnessed, suggested a strange question to his mind. He looked round +upon a sudden, and said: + +'Who's lying dead upstairs?' + +'No one,' said Merry, turning to him. 'What is the matter? We are all +here.' + +'All here!' cried the old man. 'All here! Where is he then--my old +master, Mr Chuzzlewit, who had the only son? Where is he?' + +'Hush! Hush!' said Merry, speaking kindly to him. 'That happened long +ago. Don't you recollect?' + +'Recollect!' rejoined the old man, with a cry of grief. 'As if I could +forget! As if I ever could forget!' + +He put his hand up to his face for a moment; and then repeated turning +round exactly as before: + +'Who's lying dead upstairs?' + +'No one!' said Merry. + +At first he gazed angrily upon her, as upon a stranger who endeavoured +to deceive him; but peering into her face, and seeing that it was indeed +she, he shook his head in sorrowful compassion. + +'You think not. But they don't tell you. No, no, poor thing! They don't +tell you. Who are these, and why are they merry-making here, if there is +no one dead? Foul play! Go see who it is!' + +She made a sign to them not to speak to him, which indeed they had +little inclination to do; and remained silent herself. So did he for +a short time; but then he repeated the same question with an eagerness +that had a peculiar terror in it. + +'There's some one dead,' he said, 'or dying; and I want to knows who it +is. Go see, go see! Where's Jonas?' + +'In the country,' she replied. + +The old man gazed at her as if he doubted what she said, or had not +heard her; and, rising from his chair, walked across the room and +upstairs, whispering as he went, 'Foul play!' They heard his footsteps +overhead, going up into that corner of the room in which the bed stood +(it was there old Anthony had died); and then they heard him coming down +again immediately. His fancy was not so strong or wild that it pictured +to him anything in the deserted bedchamber which was not there; for he +returned much calmer, and appeared to have satisfied himself. + +'They don't tell you,' he said to Merry in his quavering voice, as +he sat down again, and patted her upon the head. 'They don't tell me +either; but I'll watch, I'll watch. They shall not hurt you; don't be +frightened. When you have sat up watching, I have sat up watching too. +Aye, aye, I have!' he piped out, clenching his weak, shrivelled hand. +'Many a night I have been ready!' + +He said this with such trembling gaps and pauses in his want of breath, +and said it in his jealous secrecy so closely in her ear, that little +or nothing of it was understood by the visitors. But they had heard +and seen enough of the old man to be disquieted, and to have left +their seats and gathered about him; thereby affording Mrs Gamp, +whose professional coolness was not so easily disturbed, an eligible +opportunity for concentrating the whole resources of her powerful mind +and appetite upon the toast and butter, tea and eggs. She had brought +them to bear upon those viands with such vigour that her face was in the +highest state of inflammation, when she now (there being nothing left to +eat or drink) saw fit to interpose. + +'Why, highty tighty, sir!' cried Mrs Gamp, 'is these your manners? You +want a pitcher of cold water throw'd over you to bring you round; that's +my belief, and if you was under Betsey Prig you'd have it, too, I do +assure you, Mr Chuffey. Spanish Flies is the only thing to draw this +nonsense out of you; and if anybody wanted to do you a kindness, they'd +clap a blister of 'em on your head, and put a mustard poultige on your +back. 'Who's dead, indeed! It wouldn't be no grievous loss if some one +was, I think!' + +'He's quiet now, Mrs Gamp,' said Merry. 'Don't disturb him.' + +'Oh, bother the old wictim, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' replied that zealous lady, +'I ain't no patience with him. You give him his own way too much by +half. A worritin' wexagious creetur!' + +No doubt with the view of carrying out the precepts she enforced, and +'bothering the old wictim' in practice as well as in theory, Mrs Gamp +took him by the collar of his coat, and gave him some dozen or two of +hearty shakes backward and forward in his chair; that exercise being +considered by the disciples of the Prig school of nursing (who are very +numerous among professional ladies) as exceedingly conducive to repose, +and highly beneficial to the performance of the nervous functions. +Its effect in this instance was to render the patient so giddy and +addle-headed, that he could say nothing more; which Mrs Gamp regarded as +the triumph of her art. + +'There!' she said, loosening the old man's cravat, in consequence of his +being rather black in the face, after this scientific treatment. 'Now, +I hope, you're easy in your mind. If you should turn at all faint we +can soon rewive you, sir, I promige you. Bite a person's thumbs, or +turn their fingers the wrong way,' said Mrs Gamp, smiling with the +consciousness of at once imparting pleasure and instruction to her +auditors, 'and they comes to, wonderful, Lord bless you!' + +As this excellent woman had been formerly entrusted with the care of Mr +Chuffey on a previous occasion, neither Mrs Jonas nor anybody else had +the resolution to interfere directly with her mode of treatment; +though all present (Tom Pinch and his sister especially) appeared to be +disposed to differ from her views. For such is the rash boldness of the +uninitiated, that they will frequently set up some monstrous abstract +principle, such as humanity, or tenderness, or the like idle folly, in +obstinate defiance of all precedent and usage; and will even venture to +maintain the same against the persons who have made the precedents +and established the usage, and who must therefore be the best and most +impartial judges of the subject. + +'Ah, Mr Pinch!' said Miss Pecksniff. 'It all comes of this unfortunate +marriage. If my sister had not been so precipitate, and had not united +herself to a Wretch, there would have been no Mr Chuffey in the house.' + +'Hush!' cried Tom. 'She'll hear you.' + +'I should be very sorry if she did hear me, Mr Pinch,' said Cherry, +raising her voice a little; 'for it is not in my nature to add to the +uneasiness of any person; far less of my own sister. I know what a +sister's duties are, Mr Pinch, and I hope I always showed it in my +practice. Augustus, my dear child, find my pocket-handkerchief, and give +it to me.' + +Augustus obeyed, and took Mrs Todgers aside to pour his griefs into her +friendly bosom. + +'I am sure, Mr Pinch,' said Charity, looking after her betrothed and +glancing at her sister, 'that I ought to be very grateful for the +blessings I enjoy, and those which are yet in store for me. When I +contrast Augustus'--here she was modest and embarrased--'who, I don't +mind saying to you, is all softness, mildness, and devotion, with the +detestable man who is my sister's husband; and when I think, Mr Pinch, +that in the dispensations of this world, our cases might have been +reversed; I have much to be thankful for, indeed, and much to make me +humble and contented.' + +Contented she might have been, but humble she assuredly was not. Her +face and manner experienced something so widely different from humility, +that Tom could not help understanding and despising the base motives +that were working in her breast. He turned away, and said to Ruth, that +it was time for them to go. + +'I will write to your husband,' said Tom to Merry, 'and explain to him, +as I would have done if I had met him here, that if he has sustained any +inconvenience through my means, it is not my fault; a postman not being +more innocent of the news he brings, than I was when I handed him that +letter.' + +'I thank you!' said Merry. 'It may do some good.' + +She parted tenderly from Ruth, who with her brother was in the act of +leaving the room, when a key was heard in the lock of the door below, +and immediately afterwards a quick footstep in the passage. Tom stopped, +and looked at Merry. + +It was Jonas, she said timidly. + +'I had better not meet him on the stairs, perhaps,' said Tom, drawing +his sister's arm through his, and coming back a step or two. 'I'll wait +for him here, a moment.' + +He had scarcely said it when the door opened, and Jonas entered. His +wife came forward to receive him; but he put her aside with his hand, +and said in a surly tone: + +'I didn't know you'd got a party.' + +As he looked, at the same time, either by accident or design, towards +Miss Pecksniff; and as Miss Pecksniff was only too delighted to quarrel +with him, she instantly resented it. + +'Oh dear!' she said, rising. 'Pray don't let us intrude upon your +domestic happiness! That would be a pity. We have taken tea here, sir, +in your absence; but if you will have the goodness to send us a note of +the expense, receipted, we shall be happy to pay it. Augustus, my love, +we will go, if you please. Mrs Todgers, unless you wish to remain here, +we shall be happy to take you with us. It would be a pity, indeed, to +spoil the bliss which this gentleman always brings with him, especially +into his own home.' + +'Charity! Charity!' remonstrated her sister, in such a heartfelt tone +that she might have been imploring her to show the cardinal virtue whose +name she bore. + +'Merry, my dear, I am much obliged to you for your advice,' returned +Miss Pecksniff, with a stately scorn--by the way, she had not been +offered any--'but I am not his slave--' + +'No, nor wouldn't have been if you could,' interrupted Jonas. 'We know +all about it.' + +'WHAT did you say, sir?' cried Miss Pecksniff, sharply. + +'Didn't you hear?' retorted Jonas, lounging down upon a chair. 'I am not +a-going to say it again. If you like to stay, you may stay. If you like +to go, you may go. But if you stay, please to be civil.' + +'Beast!' cried Miss Pecksniff, sweeping past him. 'Augustus! He is +beneath your notice!' Augustus had been making some faint and sickly +demonstration of shaking his fist. 'Come away, child,' screamed Miss +Pecksniff, 'I command you!' + +The scream was elicited from her by Augustus manifesting an intention to +return and grapple with him. But Miss Pecksniff giving the fiery youth +a pull, and Mrs Todgers giving him a push they all three tumbled out +of the room together, to the music of Miss Pecksniff's shrill +remonstrances. + +All this time Jonas had seen nothing of Tom and his sister; for they +were almost behind the door when he opened it, and he had sat down with +his back towards them, and had purposely kept his eyes upon the opposite +side of the street during his altercation with Miss Pecksniff, in order +that his seeming carelessness might increase the exasperation of that +wronged young damsel. His wife now faltered out that Tom had been +waiting to see him; and Tom advanced. + +The instant he presented himself, Jonas got up from his chair, and +swearing a great oath, caught it in his grasp, as if he would have +felled Tom to the ground with it. As he most unquestionably would have +done, but that his very passion and surprise made him irresolute, and +gave Tom, in his calmness, an opportunity of being heard. + +'You have no cause to be violent, sir,' said Tom. 'Though what I wish to +say relates to your own affairs, I know nothing of them, and desire to +know nothing of them.' + +Jonas was too enraged to speak. He held the door open; and stamping his +foot upon the ground, motioned Tom away. + +'As you cannot suppose,' said Tom, 'that I am here with any view of +conciliating you or pleasing myself, I am quite indifferent to your +reception of me, or your dismissal of me. Hear what I have to say, if +you are not a madman! I gave you a letter the other day, when you were +about to go abroad.' + +'You Thief, you did!' retorted Jonas. 'I'll pay you for the carriage of +it one day, and settle an old score besides. I will!' + +'Tut, tut,' said Tom, 'you needn't waste words or threats. I wish you +to understand--plainly because I would rather keep clear of you and +everything that concerns you: not because I have the least apprehension +of your doing me any injury: which would be weak indeed--that I am no +party to the contents of that letter. That I know nothing of it. That I +was not even aware that it was to be delivered to you; and that I had it +from--' + +'By the Lord!' cried Jonas, fiercely catching up the chair, 'I'll knock +your brains out, if you speak another word.' + +Tom, nevertheless, persisting in his intention, and opening his lips to +speak again, Jonas set upon him like a savage; and in the quickness and +ferocity of his attack would have surely done him some grievous injury, +defenceless as he was, and embarrassed by having his frightened sister +clinging to his arm, if Merry had not run between them, crying to +Tom for the love of Heaven to leave the house. The agony of this poor +creature, the terror of his sister, the impossibility of making himself +audible, and the equal impossibility of bearing up against Mrs Gamp, who +threw herself upon him like a feather-bed, and forced him backwards down +the stairs by the mere oppression of her dead weight, prevailed. Tom +shook the dust of that house off his feet, without having mentioned +Nadgett's name. + +If the name could have passed his lips; if Jonas, in the insolence of +his vile nature, had never roused him to do that old act of manliness, +for which (and not for his last offence) he hated him with such +malignity; if Jonas could have learned, as then he could and would have +learned, through Tom's means, what unsuspected spy there was upon him; +he would have been saved from the commission of a Guilty Deed, then +drawing on towards its black accomplishment. But the fatality was of +his own working; the pit was of his own digging; the gloom that gathered +round him was the shadow of his own life. + +His wife had closed the door, and thrown herself before it, on the +ground, upon her knees. She held up her hands to him now, and besought +him not to be harsh with her, for she had interposed in fear of +bloodshed. + +'So, so!' said Jonas, looking down upon her, as he fetched his breath. +'These are your friends, are they, when I am away? You plot and tamper +with this sort of people, do you?' + +'No, indeed! I have no knowledge of these secrets, and no clue to +their meaning. I have never seen him since I left home but once--but +twice--before to-day.' + +'Oh!' sneered Jonas, catching at this correction. 'But once, but twice, +eh? Which do you mean? Twice and once, perhaps. Three times! How many +more, you lying jade?' + +As he made an angry motion with his hand, she shrunk down hastily. A +suggestive action! Full of a cruel truth! + +'How many more times?' he repeated. + +'No more. The other morning, and to-day, and once besides.' + +He was about to retort upon her, when the clock struck. He started +stopped, and listened; appearing to revert to some engagement, or to +some other subject, a secret within his own breast, recalled to him by +this record of the progress of the hours. + +'Don't lie there! Get up!' + +Having helped her to rise, or rather hauled her up by the arm, he went +on to say: + +'Listen to me, young lady; and don't whine when you have no occasion, or +I may make some for you. If I find him in my house again, or find that +you have seen him in anybody else's house, you'll repent it. If you are +not deaf and dumb to everything that concerns me, unless you have my +leave to hear and speak, you'll repent it. If you don't obey exactly +what I order, you'll repent it. Now, attend. What's the time?' + +'It struck eight a minute ago.' + +He looked towards her intently; and said, with a laboured distinctness, +as if he had got the words off by heart: + +'I have been travelling day and night, and am tired. I have lost some +money, and that don't improve me. Put my supper in the little off-room +below, and have the truckle-bed made. I shall sleep there to-night, and +maybe to-morrow night; and if I can sleep all day to-morrow, so much +the better, for I've got trouble to sleep off, if I can. Keep the house +quiet, and don't call me. Mind! Don't call me. Don't let anybody call +me. Let me lie there.' + +She said it should be done. Was that all? + +'All what? You must be prying and questioning!' he angrily retorted. +'What more do you want to know?' + +'I want to know nothing, Jonas, but what you tell me. All hope of +confidence between us has long deserted me!' + +'Ecod, I should hope so!' he muttered. + +'But if you will tell me what you wish, I will be obedient and will +try to please you. I make no merit of that, for I have no friend in +my father or my sister, but am quite alone. I am very humble and +submissive. You told me you would break my spirit, and you have done so. +Do not break my heart too!' + +She ventured, as she said these words, to lay her hand upon his +shoulder. He suffered it to rest there, in his exultation; and the whole +mean, abject, sordid, pitiful soul of the man, looked at her, for the +moment, through his wicked eyes. + +For the moment only; for, with the same hurried return to something +within himself, he bade her, in a surly tone, show her obedience by +executing his commands without delay. When she had withdrawn he paced +up and down the room several times; but always with his right hand +clenched, as if it held something; which it did not, being empty. When +he was tired of this, he threw himself into a chair, and thoughtfully +turned up the sleeve of his right arm, as if he were rather musing +about its strength than examining it; but, even then, he kept the hand +clenched. + +He was brooding in this chair, with his eyes cast down upon the ground, +when Mrs Gamp came in to tell him that the little room was ready. Not +being quite sure of her reception after interfering in the quarrel, Mrs +Gamp, as a means of interesting and propitiating her patron, affected a +deep solicitude in Mr Chuffey. + +'How is he now, sir?' she said. + +'Who?' cried Jonas, raising his head, and staring at her. + +'To be sure!' returned the matron with a smile and a curtsey. 'What am I +thinking of! You wasn't here, sir, when he was took so strange. I never +see a poor dear creetur took so strange in all my life, except a patient +much about the same age, as I once nussed, which his calling was the +custom-'us, and his name was Mrs Harris's own father, as pleasant a +singer, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever you heerd, with a voice like a Jew's-harp +in the bass notes, that it took six men to hold at sech times, foaming +frightful.' + +'Chuffey, eh?' said Jonas carelessly, seeing that she went up to the +old, clerk, and looked at him. 'Ha!' + +'The creetur's head's so hot,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that you might heat a +flat-iron at it. And no wonder I am sure, considerin' the things he +said!' + +'Said!' cried Jonas. 'What did he say?' + +Mrs Gamp laid her hand upon her heart, to put some check upon its +palpitations, and turning up her eyes replied in a faint voice: + +'The awfulest things, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever I heerd! Which Mrs Harris's +father never spoke a word when took so, some does and some don't, except +sayin' when he come round, "Where is Sairey Gamp?" But raly, sir, when +Mr Chuffey comes to ask who's lyin' dead upstairs, and--' + +'Who's lying dead upstairs!' repeated Jonas, standing aghast. + +Mrs Gamp nodded, made as if she were swallowing, and went on. + +'Who's lying dead upstairs; sech was his Bible language; and where was +Mr Chuzzlewit as had the only son; and when he goes upstairs a-looking +in the beds and wandering about the rooms, and comes down again +a-whisperin' softly to his-self about foul play and that; it gives me +sech a turn, I don't deny it, Mr Chuzzlewit, that I never could have kep +myself up but for a little drain o' spirits, which I seldom touches, but +could always wish to know where to find, if so dispoged, never knowin' +wot may happen next, the world bein' so uncertain.' + +'Why, the old fool's mad!' cried Jonas, much disturbed. + +'That's my opinion, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'and I will not deceive you. I +believe as Mr Chuffey, sir, rekwires attention (if I may make so bold), +and should not have his liberty to wex and worrit your sweet lady as he +does.' + +'Why, who minds what he says?' retorted Jonas. + +'Still he is worritin' sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'No one don't mind him, but +he IS a ill conwenience.' + +'Ecod you're right,' said Jonas, looking doubtfully at the subject of +this conversation. 'I have half a mind to shut him up.' + +Mrs Gamp rubbed her hands, and smiled, and shook her head, and sniffed +expressively, as scenting a job. + +'Could you--could you take care of such an idiot, now, in some spare +room upstairs?' asked Jonas. + +'Me and a friend of mine, one off, one on, could do it, Mr Chuzzlewit,' +replied the nurse; 'our charges not bein' high, but wishin' they was +lower, and allowance made considerin' not strangers. Me and Betsey Prig, +sir, would undertake Mr Chuffey reasonable,' said Mrs Gamp, looking at +him with her head on one side, as if he had been a piece of goods, for +which she was driving a bargain; 'and give every satigefaction. Betsey +Prig has nussed a many lunacies, and well she knows their ways, +which puttin' 'em right close afore the fire, when fractious, is the +certainest and most compoging.' + +While Mrs Gamp discoursed to this effect, Jonas was walking up and down +the room again, glancing covertly at the old clerk, as he did so. He now +made a stop, and said: + +'I must look after him, I suppose, or I may have him doing some +mischief. What say you?' + +'Nothin' more likely!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'As well I have experienged, I +do assure you, sir.' + +'Well! Look after him for the present, and--let me see--three days from +this time let the other woman come here, and we'll see if we can make +a bargain of it. About nine or ten o'clock at night, say. Keep your eye +upon him in the meanwhile, and don't talk about it. He's as mad as a +March hare!' + +'Madder!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A deal madder!' + +'See to him, then; take care that he does no harm; and recollect what I +have told you.' + +Leaving Mrs Gamp in the act of repeating all she had been told, and +of producing in support of her memory and trustworthiness, many +commendations selected from among the most remarkable opinions of the +celebrated Mrs Harris, he descended to the little room prepared for him, +and pulling off his coat and his boots, put them outside the door before +he locked it. In locking it, he was careful so to adjust the key as to +baffle any curious person who might try to peep in through the key-hole; +and when he had taken these precautions, he sat down to his supper. + +'Mr Chuff,' he muttered, 'it'll be pretty easy to be even with YOU. It's +of no use doing things by halves, and as long as I stop here, I'll take +good care of you. When I'm off you may say what you please. But it's +a d--d strange thing,' he added, pushing away his untouched plate, and +striding moodily to and fro, 'that his drivellings should have taken +this turn just now.' + +After pacing the little room from end to end several times, he sat down +in another chair. + +'I say just now, but for anything I know, he may have been carrying on +the same game all along. Old dog! He shall be gagged!' + +He paced the room again in the same restless and unsteady way; and then +sat down upon the bedstead, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking +at the table. When he had looked at it for a long time, he remembered +his supper; and resuming the chair he had first occupied, began to eat +with great rapacity; not like a hungry man, but as if he were determined +to do it. He drank too, roundly; sometimes stopping in the middle of a +draught to walk, and change his seat and walk again, and dart back to +the table and fall to, in a ravenous hurry, as before. + +It was now growing dark. As the gloom of evening, deepening into +night, came on, another dark shade emerging from within him seemed to +overspread his face, and slowly change it. Slowly, slowly; darker and +darker; more and more haggard; creeping over him by little and little, +until it was black night within him and without. + +The room in which he had shut himself up, was on the ground floor, at +the back of the house. It was lighted by a dirty skylight, and had a +door in the wall, opening into a narrow covered passage or blind-alley, +very little frequented after five or six o'clock in the evening, and +not in much use as a thoroughfare at any hour. But it had an outlet in a +neighbouring street. + +The ground on which this chamber stood had, at one time, not within his +recollection, been a yard; and had been converted to its present purpose +for use as an office. But the occasion for it died with the man who +built it; and saving that it had sometimes served as an apology for a +spare bedroom, and that the old clerk had once held it (but that was +years ago) as his recognized apartment, it had been little troubled by +Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son. It was a blotched, stained, mouldering room, +like a vault; and there were water-pipes running through it, which at +unexpected times in the night, when other things were quiet, clicked and +gurgled suddenly, as if they were choking. + +The door into the court had not been open for a long, long time; but the +key had always hung in one place, and there it hung now. He was prepared +for its being rusty; for he had a little bottle of oil in his pocket and +the feather of a pen, with which he lubricated the key and the lock too, +carefully. All this while he had been without his coat, and had nothing +on his feet but his stockings. He now got softly into bed in the same +state, and tossed from side to side to tumble it. In his restless +condition that was easily done. + +When he arose, he took from his portmanteau, which he had caused to be +carried into that place when he came home, a pair of clumsy shoes, +and put them on his feet; also a pair of leather leggings, such +as countrymen are used to wear, with straps to fasten them to the +waistband. In these he dressed himself at leisure. Lastly, he took out +a common frock of coarse dark jean, which he drew over his own +under-clothing; and a felt hat--he had purposely left his own upstairs. +He then sat himself down by the door, with the key in his hand, waiting. + +He had no light; the time was dreary, long, and awful. The ringers were +practicing in a neighbouring church, and the clashing of the bells was +almost maddening. Curse the clamouring bells, they seemed to know that +he was listening at the door, and to proclaim it in a crowd of voices to +all the town! Would they never be still? + +They ceased at last, and then the silence was so new and terrible that +it seemed the prelude to some dreadful noise. Footsteps in the court! +Two men. He fell back from the door on tiptoe, as if they could have +seen him through its wooden panels. + +They passed on, talking (he could make out) about a skeleton which had +been dug up yesterday, in some work of excavation near at hand, and was +supposed to be that of a murdered man. 'So murder is not always found +out, you see,' they said to one another as they turned the corner. + +Hush! + +He put the key into the lock, and turned it. The door resisted for a +while, but soon came stiffly open; mingling with the sense of fever in +his mouth, a taste of rust, and dust, and earth, and rotting wood. He +looked out; passed out; locked it after him. + +All was clear and quiet, as he fled away. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN + +CONCLUSION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +Did no men passing through the dim streets shrink without knowing why, +when he came stealing up behind them? As he glided on, had no child in +its sleep an indistinct perception of a guilty shadow falling on its +bed, that troubled its innocent rest? Did no dog howl, and strive to +break its rattling chain, that it might tear him; no burrowing rat, +scenting the work he had in hand, essay to gnaw a passage after him, +that it might hold a greedy revel at the feast of his providing? When he +looked back, across his shoulder, was it to see if his quick footsteps +still fell dry upon the dusty pavement, or were already moist and +clogged with the red mire that stained the naked feet of Cain! + +He shaped his course for the main western road, and soon reached it; +riding a part of the way, then alighting and walking on again. He +travelled for a considerable distance upon the roof of a stage-coach, +which came up while he was afoot; and when it turned out of his road, +bribed the driver of a return post-chaise to take him on with him; and +then made across the country at a run, and saved a mile or two before he +struck again into the road. At last, as his plan was, he came up with a +certain lumbering, slow, night-coach, which stopped wherever it could, +and was stopping then at a public-house, while the guard and coachman +ate and drank within. + +He bargained for a seat outside this coach, and took it. And he quitted +it no more until it was within a few miles of its destination, but +occupied the same place all night. + +All night! It is a common fancy that nature seems to sleep by night. It +is a false fancy, as who should know better than he? + +The fishes slumbered in the cold, bright, glistening streams and rivers, +perhaps; and the birds roosted on the branches of the trees; and in +their stalls and pastures beasts were quiet; and human creatures slept. +But what of that, when the solemn night was watching, when it never +winked, when its darkness watched no less than its light! The stately +trees, the moon and shining stars, the softly stirring wind, the +over-shadowed lane, the broad, bright countryside, they all kept watch. +There was not a blade of growing grass or corn, but watched; and the +quieter it was, the more intent and fixed its watch upon him seemed to +be. + +And yet he slept. Riding on among those sentinels of God, he slept, +and did not change the purpose of his journey. If he forgot it in his +troubled dreams, it came up steadily, and woke him. But it never woke +him to remorse, or to abandonment of his design. + +He dreamed at one time that he was lying calmly in his bed, thinking of +a moonlight night and the noise of wheels, when the old clerk put +his head in at the door, and beckoned him. At this signal he arose +immediately--being already dressed in the clothes he actually wore at +that time--and accompanied him into a strange city, where the names of +the streets were written on the walls in characters quite new to him; +which gave him no surprise or uneasiness, for he remembered in his dream +to have been there before. Although these streets were very precipitous, +insomuch that to get from one to another it was necessary to descend +great heights by ladders that were too short, and ropes that moved deep +bells, and swung and swayed as they were clung to, the danger gave him +little emotion beyond the first thrill of terror; his anxieties being +concentrated on his dress which was quite unfitted for some festival +that was about to be holden there, and in which he had come to take +a part. Already, great crowds began to fill the streets, and in +one direction myriads of people came rushing down an interminable +perspective, strewing flowers and making way for others on white horses, +when a terrible figure started from the throng, and cried out that it +was the Last Day for all the world. The cry being spread, there was a +wild hurrying on to Judgment; and the press became so great that he and +his companion (who was constantly changing, and was never the same man +two minutes together, though he never saw one man come or another go), +stood aside in a porch, fearfully surveying the multitude; in which +there were many faces that he knew, and many that he did not know, but +dreamed he did; when all at once a struggling head rose up among the +rest--livid and deadly, but the same as he had known it--and denounced +him as having appointed that direful day to happen. They closed +together. As he strove to free the hand in which he held a club, and +strike the blow he had so often thought of, he started to the knowledge +of his waking purpose and the rising of the sun. + +The sun was welcome to him. There were life and motion, and a world +astir, to divide the attention of Day. It was the eye of Night--of +wakeful, watchful, silent, and attentive Night, with so much leisure for +the observation of his wicked thoughts--that he dreaded most. There is +no glare in the night. Even Glory shows to small advantage in the night, +upon a crowded battle-field. How then shows Glory's blood-relation, +bastard Murder! + +Aye! He made no compromise, and held no secret with himself now. Murder. +He had come to do it. + +'Let me get down here' he said + +'Short of the town, eh!' observed the coachman. + +'I may get down where I please, I suppose?' + +'You got up to please yourself, and may get down to please yourself. It +won't break our hearts to lose you, and it wouldn't have broken 'em if +we'd never found you. Be a little quicker. That's all.' + +The guard had alighted, and was waiting in the road to take his money. +In the jealousy and distrust of what he contemplated, he thought this +man looked at him with more than common curiosity. + +'What are you staring at?' said Jonas. + +'Not at a handsome man,' returned the guard. 'If you want your fortune +told, I'll tell you a bit of it. You won't be drowned. That's a +consolation for you.' + +Before he could retort or turn away, the coachman put an end to the +dialogue by giving him a cut with his whip, and bidding him get out for a +surly dog. The guard jumped up to his seat at the same moment, and they +drove off, laughing; leaving him to stand in the road and shake his fist +at them. He was not displeased though, on second thoughts, to have +been taken for an ill-conditioned common country fellow; but rather +congratulated himself upon it as a proof that he was well disguised. + +Wandering into a copse by the road-side--but not in that place; two or +three miles off--he tore out from a fence a thick, hard, knotted stake; +and, sitting down beneath a hayrick, spent some time in shaping it, in +peeling off the bark, and fashioning its jagged head with his knife. + +The day passed on. Noon, afternoon, evening. Sunset. + +At that serene and peaceful time two men, riding in a gig, came out +of the city by a road not much frequented. It was the day on which Mr +Pecksniff had agreed to dine with Montague. He had kept his appointment, +and was now going home. His host was riding with him for a short +distance; meaning to return by a pleasant track, which Mr Pecksniff had +engaged to show him, through some fields. Jonas knew their plans. He had +hung about the inn-yard while they were at dinner and had heard their +orders given. + +They were loud and merry in their conversation, and might have been +heard at some distance; far above the sound of their carriage wheels +or horses' hoofs. They came on noisily, to where a stile and footpath +indicated their point of separation. Here they stopped. + +'It's too soon. Much too soon,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'But this is the +place, my dear sir. Keep the path, and go straight through the little +wood you'll come to. The path is narrower there, but you can't miss it. +When shall I see you again? Soon I hope?' + +'I hope so,' replied Montague. + +'Good night!' + +'Good night. And a pleasant ride!' + +So long as Mr Pecksniff was in sight, and turned his head at intervals +to salute him, Montague stood in the road smiling, and waving his hand. +But when his new partner had disappeared, and this show was no longer +necessary, he sat down on the stile with looks so altered, that he might +have grown ten years older in the meantime. + +He was flushed with wine, but not gay. His scheme had succeeded, but he +showed no triumph. The effort of sustaining his difficult part before +his late companion had fatigued him, perhaps, or it may be that the +evening whispered to his conscience, or it may be (as it HAS been) that +a shadowy veil was dropping round him, closing out all thoughts but the +presentiment and vague foreknowledge of impending doom. + +If there be fluids, as we know there are, which, conscious of a coming +wind, or rain, or frost, will shrink and strive to hide themselves in +their glass arteries; may not that subtle liquor of the blood perceive, +by properties within itself, that hands are raised to waste and spill +it; and in the veins of men run cold and dull as his did, in that hour! + +So cold, although the air was warm; so dull, although the sky was +bright; that he rose up shivering from his seat, and hastily resumed +his walk. He checked himself as hastily; undecided whether to pursue the +footpath, which was lonely and retired, or to go back by the road. + +He took the footpath. + +The glory of the departing sun was on his face. The music of the birds +was in his ears. Sweet wild flowers bloomed about him. Thatched roofs of +poor men's homes were in the distance; and an old grey spire, surmounted +by a Cross, rose up between him and the coming night. + +He had never read the lesson which these things conveyed; he had ever +mocked and turned away from it; but, before going down into a hollow +place, he looked round, once, upon the evening prospect, sorrowfully. +Then he went down, down, down, into the dell. + +It brought him to the wood; a close, thick, shadowy wood, through which +the path went winding on, dwindling away into a slender sheep-track. He +paused before entering; for the stillness of this spot almost daunted +him. + +The last rays of the sun were shining in, aslant, making a path of +golden light along the stems and branches in its range, which, even as +he looked, began to die away, yielding gently to the twilight that came +creeping on. It was so very quiet that the soft and stealthy moss about +the trunks of some old trees, seemed to have grown out of the silence, +and to be its proper offspring. Those other trees which were subdued +by blasts of wind in winter time, had not quite tumbled down, but being +caught by others, lay all bare and scathed across their leafy arms, as +if unwilling to disturb the general repose by the crash of their fall. +Vistas of silence opened everywhere, into the heart and innermost +recesses of the wood; beginning with the likeness of an aisle, a +cloister, or a ruin open to the sky; then tangling off into a deep green +rustling mystery, through which gnarled trunks, and twisted boughs, and +ivy-covered stems, and trembling leaves, and bark-stripped bodies of old +trees stretched out at length, were faintly seen in beautiful confusion. + +As the sunlight died away, and evening fell upon the wood, he entered +it. Moving, here and there a bramble or a drooping bough which stretched +across his path, he slowly disappeared. At intervals a narrow opening +showed him passing on, or the sharp cracking of some tender branch +denoted where he went; then, he was seen or heard no more. + +Never more beheld by mortal eye or heard by mortal ear; one man +excepted. That man, parting the leaves and branches on the other side, +near where the path emerged again, came leaping out soon afterwards. + +What had he left within the wood, that he sprang out of it as if it were +a hell! + +The body of a murdered man. In one thick solitary spot, it lay among +the last year's leaves of oak and beech, just as it had fallen headlong +down. Sopping and soaking in among the leaves that formed its pillow; +oozing down into the boggy ground, as if to cover itself from human +sight; forcing its way between and through the curling leaves, as if +those senseless things rejected and forswore it and were coiled up in +abhorrence; went a dark, dark stain that dyed the whole summer night +from earth to heaven. + +The doer of this deed came leaping from the wood so fiercely, that he +cast into the air a shower of fragments of young boughs, torn away +in his passage, and fell with violence upon the grass. But he quickly +gained his feet again, and keeping underneath a hedge with his body +bent, went running on towards the road. The road once reached, he fell +into a rapid walk, and set on toward London. + +And he was not sorry for what he had done. He was frightened when he +thought of it--when did he not think of it!--but he was not sorry. He +had had a terror and dread of the wood when he was in it; but being +out of it, and having committed the crime, his fears were now diverted, +strangely, to the dark room he had left shut up at home. He had a +greater horror, infinitely greater, of that room than of the wood. Now +that he was on his return to it, it seemed beyond comparison more dismal +and more dreadful than the wood. His hideous secret was shut up in the +room, and all its terrors were there; to his thinking it was not in the +wood at all. + +He walked on for ten miles; and then stopped at an ale-house for a +coach, which he knew would pass through, on its way to London, before +long; and which he also knew was not the coach he had travelled down by, +for it came from another place. He sat down outside the door here, on +a bench, beside a man who was smoking his pipe. Having called for some +beer, and drunk, he offered it to this companion, who thanked him, and +took a draught. He could not help thinking that, if the man had known +all, he might scarcely have relished drinking out of the same cup with +him. + +'A fine night, master!' said this person. 'And a rare sunset.' + +'I didn't see it,' was his hasty answer. + +'Didn't see it?' returned the man. + +'How the devil could I see it, if I was asleep?' + +'Asleep! Aye, aye.' The man appeared surprised by his unexpected +irritability, and saying no more, smoked his pipe in silence. They had +not sat very long, when there was a knocking within. + +'What's that?' cried Jonas. + +'Can't say, I'm sure,' replied the man. + +He made no further inquiry, for the last question had escaped him in +spite of himself. But he was thinking, at the moment, of the closed-up +room; of the possibility of their knocking at the door on some special +occasion; of their being alarmed at receiving no answer; of their +bursting it open; of their finding the room empty; of their fastening +the door into the court, and rendering it impossible for him to get into +the house without showing himself in the garb he wore, which would lead +to rumour, rumour to detection, detection to death. At that instant, as +if by some design and order of circumstances, the knocking had come. + +It still continued; like a warning echo of the dread reality he had +conjured up. As he could not sit and hear it, he paid for his beer and +walked on again. And having slunk about, in places unknown to him all +day; and being out at night, in a lonely road, in an unusual dress and +in that wandering and unsettled frame of mind; he stopped more than once +to look about him, hoping he might be in a dream. + +Still he was not sorry. No. He had hated the man too much, and had been +bent, too desperately and too long, on setting himself free. If the +thing could have come over again, he would have done it again. His +malignant and revengeful passions were not so easily laid. There was no +more penitence or remorse within him now than there had been while the +deed was brewing. + +Dread and fear were upon him, to an extent he had never counted on, and +could not manage in the least degree. He was so horribly afraid of that +infernal room at home. This made him, in a gloomy murderous, mad way, +not only fearful FOR himself, but OF himself; for being, as it were, a +part of the room: a something supposed to be there, yet missing from it: +he invested himself with its mysterious terrors; and when he pictured in +his mind the ugly chamber, false and quiet, false and quiet, through the +dark hours of two nights; and the tumbled bed, and he not in it, though +believed to be; he became in a manner his own ghost and phantom, and was +at once the haunting spirit and the haunted man. + +When the coach came up, which it soon did, he got a place outside and +was carried briskly onward towards home. Now, in taking his seat among +the people behind, who were chiefly country people, he conceived a fear +that they knew of the murder, and would tell him that the body had been +found; which, considering the time and place of the commission of the +crime, were events almost impossible to have happened yet, as he very +well knew. But although he did know it, and had therefore no reason +to regard their ignorance as anything but the natural sequence to +the facts, still this very ignorance of theirs encouraged him. So far +encouraged him, that he began to believe the body never would be found, +and began to speculate on that probability. Setting off from this point, +and measuring time by the rapid hurry of his guilty thoughts, and +what had gone before the bloodshed, and the troops of incoherent and +disordered images of which he was the constant prey; he came by +daylight to regard the murder as an old murder, and to think himself +comparatively safe because it had not been discovered yet. Yet! When the +sun which looked into the wood, and gilded with its rising light a dead +man's lace, had seen that man alive, and sought to win him to a thought +of Heaven, on its going down last night! + +But here were London streets again. Hush! + +It was but five o'clock. He had time enough to reach his own house +unobserved, and before there were many people in the streets, if nothing +had happened so far, tending to his discovery. He slipped down from +the coach without troubling the driver to stop his horses; and hurrying +across the road, and in and out of every by-way that lay near his +course, at length approached his own dwelling. He used additional +caution in his immediate neighbourhood; halting first to look all +down the street before him; then gliding swiftly through that one, and +stopping to survey the next, and so on. + +The passage-way was empty when his murderer's face looked into it. He +stole on, to the door on tiptoe, as if he dreaded to disturb his own +imaginary rest. + +He listened. Not a sound. As he turned the key with a trembling hand, +and pushed the door softly open with his knee, a monstrous fear beset +his mind. + +What if the murdered man were there before him! + +He cast a fearful glance all round. But there was nothing there. + +He went in, locked the door, drew the key through and through the dust +and damp in the fire-place to sully it again, and hung it up as of old. +He took off his disguise, tied it up in a bundle ready for carrying away +and sinking in the river before night, and locked it up in a cupboard. +These precautions taken, he undressed and went to bed. + +The raging thirst, the fire that burnt within him as he lay beneath the +clothes, the augmented horror of the room when they shut it out from his +view; the agony of listening, in which he paid enforced regard to every +sound, and thought the most unlikely one the prelude to that knocking +which should bring the news; the starts with which he left his couch, +and looking in the glass, imagined that his deed was broadly written +in his face, and lying down and burying himself once more beneath the +blankets, heard his own heart beating Murder, Murder, Murder, in the +bed; what words can paint tremendous truths like these! + +The morning advanced. There were footsteps in the house. He heard the +blinds drawn up, and shutters opened; and now and then a stealthy tread +outside his own door. He tried to call out, more than once, but his +mouth was dry as if it had been filled with sand. At last he sat up in +his bed, and cried: + +'Who's there?' + +It was his wife. + +He asked her what it was o'clock? Nine. + +'Did--did no one knock at my door yesterday?' he faltered. 'Something +disturbed me; but unless you had knocked the door down, you would have +got no notice from me.' + +'No one,' she replied. That was well. He had waited, almost breathless, +for her answer. It was a relief to him, if anything could be. + +'Mr Nadgett wanted to see you,' she said, 'but I told him you were +tired, and had requested not to be disturbed. He said it was of little +consequence, and went away. As I was opening my window to let in the +cool air, I saw him passing through the street this morning, very early; +but he hasn't been again.' + +Passing through the street that morning? Very early! Jonas trembled at +the thought of having had a narrow chance of seeing him himself; even +him, who had no object but to avoid people, and sneak on unobserved, and +keep his own secrets; and who saw nothing. + +He called to her to get his breakfast ready, and prepared to go +upstairs; attiring himself in the clothes he had taken off when he came +into that room, which had been, ever since, outside the door. In his +secret dread of meeting the household for the first time, after what he +had done, he lingered at the door on slight pretexts that they might see +him without looking in his face; and left it ajar while he dressed; and +called out to have the windows opened, and the pavement watered, that +they might become accustomed to his voice. Even when he had put off the +time, by one means or other, so that he had seen or spoken to them all, +he could not muster courage for a long while to go in among them, +but stood at his own door listening to the murmur of their distant +conversation. + +He could not stop there for ever, and so joined them. His last glance at +the glass had seen a tell-tale face, but that might have been because +of his anxious looking in it. He dared not look at them to see if they +observed him, but he thought them very silent. + +And whatsoever guard he kept upon himself, he could not help listening, +and showing that he listened. Whether he attended to their talk, or +tried to think of other things, or talked himself, or held his peace, or +resolutely counted the dull tickings of a hoarse clock at his back, he +always lapsed, as if a spell were on him, into eager listening. For +he knew it must come. And his present punishment, and torture and +distraction, were, to listen for its coming. + +Hush! + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT + +BEARS TIDINGS OF MARTIN AND OF MARK, AS WELL AS OF A THIRD PERSON NOT +QUITE UNKNOWN TO THE READER. EXHIBITS FILIAL PIETY IN AN UGLY ASPECT; +AND CASTS A DOUBTFUL RAY OF LIGHT UPON A VERY DARK PLACE + + +Tom Pinch and Ruth were sitting at their early breakfast, with the +window open, and a row of the freshest little plants ranged before it +on the inside by Ruth's own hands; and Ruth had fastened a sprig of +geranium in Tom's button-hole, to make him very smart and summer-like +for the day (it was obliged to be fastened in, or that dear old Tom +was certain to lose it); and people were crying flowers up and down the +street; and a blundering bee, who had got himself in between the +two sashes of the window, was bruising his head against the glass, +endeavouring to force himself out into the fine morning, and considering +himself enchanted because he couldn't do it; and the morning was as fine +a morning as ever was seen; and the fragrant air was kissing Ruth and +rustling about Tom, as if it said, 'how are you, my dears; I came all +this way on purpose to salute you;' and it was one of those glad times +when we form, or ought to form, the wish that every one on earth were +able to be happy, and catching glimpses of the summer of the heart, to +feel the beauty of the summer of the year. + +It was even a pleasanter breakfast than usual; and it was always a +pleasant one. For little Ruth had now two pupils to attend, each three +times a week; and each two hours at a time; and besides this, she had +painted some screens and card-racks, and, unknown to Tom (was there ever +anything so delightful!), had walked into a certain shop which dealt +in such articles, after often peeping through the window; and had taken +courage to ask the Mistress of that shop whether she would buy them. And +the mistress had not only bought them, but had ordered more, and that +very morning Ruth had made confession of these facts to Tom, and had +handed him the money in a little purse she had worked expressly for the +purpose. They had been in a flutter about this, and perhaps had shed a +happy tear or two for anything the history knows to the contrary; but +it was all over now; and a brighter face than Tom's, or a brighter face +than Ruth's, the bright sun had not looked on since he went to bed last +night. + +'My dear girl,' said Tom, coming so abruptly on the subject, that he +interrupted himself in the act of cutting a slice of bread, and left +the knife sticking in the loaf, 'what a queer fellow our landlord is! +I don't believe he has been home once since he got me into that +unsatisfactory scrape. I begin to think he will never come home again. +What a mysterious life that man does lead, to be sure!' + +'Very strange. Is it not, Tom?' + +'Really,' said Tom, 'I hope it is only strange. I hope there may be +nothing wrong in it. Sometimes I begin to be doubtful of that. I must +have an explanation with him,' said Tom, shaking his head as if this +were a most tremendous threat, 'when I can catch him!' + +A short double knock at the door put Tom's menacing looks to flight, and +awakened an expression of surprise instead. + +'Heyday!' said Tom. 'An early hour for visitors! It must be John, I +suppose.' + +'I--I--don't think it was his knock, Tom,' observed his little sister. + +'No?' said Tom. 'It surely can't be my employer suddenly arrived in +town; directed here by Mr Fips; and come for the key of the office. It's +somebody inquiring for me, I declare! Come in, if you please!' + +But when the person came in, Tom Pinch, instead of saying, 'Did you +wish to speak with me, sir?' or, 'My name is Pinch, sir; what is your +business, may I ask?' or addressing him in any such distant terms; cried +out, 'Good gracious Heaven!' and seized him by both hands, with the +liveliest manifestations of astonishment and pleasure. + +The visitor was not less moved than Tom himself, and they shook hands a +great many times, without another word being spoken on either side. Tom +was the first to find his voice. + +'Mark Tapley, too!' said Tom, running towards the door, and shaking +hands with somebody else. 'My dear Mark, come in. How are you, Mark? He +don't look a day older than he used to do at the Dragon. How ARE you, +Mark?' + +'Uncommonly jolly, sir, thank'ee,' returned Mr Tapley, all smiles and +bows. 'I hope I see you well, sir.' + +'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, patting him tenderly on the back. 'How +delightful it is to hear his old voice again! My dear Martin, sit down. +My sister, Martin. Mr Chuzzlewit, my love. Mark Tapley from the Dragon, +my dear. Good gracious me, what a surprise this is! Sit down. Lord, +bless me!' + +Tom was in such a state of excitement that he couldn't keep himself +still for a moment, but was constantly running between Mark and Martin, +shaking hands with them alternately, and presenting them over and over +again to his sister. + +'I remember the day we parted, Martin, as well as if it were yesterday,' +said Tom. 'What a day it was! and what a passion you were in! And don't +you remember my overtaking you in the road that morning, Mark, when I +was going to Salisbury in the gig to fetch him, and you were looking out +for a situation? And don't you recollect the dinner we had at Salisbury, +Martin, with John Westlock, eh! Good gracious me! Ruth, my dear, +Mr Chuzzlewit. Mark Tapley, my love, from the Dragon. More cups and +saucers, if you please. Bless my soul, how glad I am to see you both!' + +And then Tom (as John Westlock had done on his arrival) ran off to the +loaf to cut some bread and butter for them; and before he had spread a +single slice, remembered something else, and came running back again to +tell it; and then he shook hands with them again; and then he introduced +his sister again; and then he did everything he had done already all +over again; and nothing Tom could do, and nothing Tom could say, was +half sufficient to express his joy at their safe return. + +Mr Tapley was the first to resume his composure. In a very short space +of time he was discovered to have somehow installed himself in office as +waiter, or attendant upon the party; a fact which was first suggested to +them by his temporary absence in the kitchen, and speedy return with a +kettle of boiling water, from which he replenished the tea-pot with a +self-possession that was quite his own. + +'Sit down, and take your breakfast, Mark,' said Tom. 'Make him sit down +and take his breakfast, Martin.' + +'Oh! I gave him up, long ago, as incorrigible,' Martin replied. 'He +takes his own way, Tom. You would excuse him, Miss Pinch, if you knew +his value.' + +'She knows it, bless you!' said Tom. 'I have told her all about Mark +Tapley. Have I not, Ruth?' + +'Yes, Tom.' + +'Not all,' returned Martin, in a low voice. 'The best of Mark Tapley is +only known to one man, Tom; and but for Mark he would hardly be alive to +tell it!' + +'Mark!' said Tom Pinch energetically; 'if you don't sit down this +minute, I'll swear at you!' + +'Well, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, 'sooner than you should do that, I'll +com-ply. It's a considerable invasion of a man's jollity to be made so +partickler welcome, but a Werb is a word as signifies to be, to do, +or to suffer (which is all the grammar, and enough too, as ever I wos +taught); and if there's a Werb alive, I'm it. For I'm always a-bein', +sometimes a-doin', and continually a-sufferin'.' + +'Not jolly yet?' asked Tom, with a smile. + +'Why, I was rather so, over the water, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; 'and +not entirely without credit. But Human Natur' is in a conspiracy again' +me; I can't get on. I shall have to leave it in my will, sir, to be +wrote upon my tomb: "He was a man as might have come out strong if he +could have got a chance. But it was denied him."' + +Mr Tapley took this occasion of looking about him with a grin, and +subsequently attacking the breakfast, with an appetite not at all +expressive of blighted hopes, or insurmountable despondency. + +In the meanwhile, Martin drew his chair a little nearer to Tom and his +sister, and related to them what had passed at Mr Pecksniff's +house; adding in few words a general summary of the distresses and +disappointments he had undergone since he left England. + +'For your faithful stewardship in the trust I left with you, Tom,' he +said, 'and for all your goodness and disinterestedness, I can never +thank you enough. When I add Mary's thanks to mine--' + +Ah, Tom! The blood retreated from his cheeks, and came rushing back, so +violently, that it was pain to feel it; ease though, ease, compared with +the aching of his wounded heart. + +'When I add Mary's thanks to mine,' said Martin, 'I have made the only +poor acknowledgment it is in our power to offer; but if you knew how +much we feel, Tom, you would set some store by it, I am sure.' + +And if they had known how much Tom felt--but that no human creature ever +knew--they would have set some store by him. Indeed they would. + +Tom changed the topic of discourse. He was sorry he could not pursue it, +as it gave Martin pleasure; but he was unable, at that moment. No drop +of envy or bitterness was in his soul; but he could not master the firm +utterance of her name. + +He inquired what Martin's projects were. + +'No longer to make your fortune, Tom,' said Martin, 'but to try to live. +I tried that once in London, Tom; and failed. If you will give me the +benefit of your advice and friendly counsel, I may succeed better under +your guidance. I will do anything Tom, anything, to gain a livelihood by +my own exertions. My hopes do not soar above that, now.' + +High-hearted, noble Tom! Sorry to find the pride of his old companion +humbled, and to hear him speaking in this altered strain at once, at +once, he drove from his breast the inability to contend with its deep +emotions, and spoke out bravely. + +'Your hopes do not soar above that!' cried Tom. 'Yes they do. How can +you talk so! They soar up to the time when you will be happy with her, +Martin. They soar up to the time when you will be able to claim her, +Martin. They soar up to the time when you will not be able to believe +that you were ever cast down in spirit, or poor in pocket, Martin. +Advice, and friendly counsel! Why, of course. But you shall have better +advice and counsel (though you cannot have more friendly) than mine. You +shall consult John Westlock. We'll go there immediately. It is yet so +early that I shall have time to take you to his chambers before I go to +business; they are in my way; and I can leave you there, to talk +over your affairs with him. So come along. Come along. I am a man of +occupation now, you know,' said Tom, with his pleasantest smile; 'and +have no time to lose. Your hopes don't soar higher than that? I dare +say they don't. I know you, pretty well. They'll be soaring out of sight +soon, Martin, and leaving all the rest of us leagues behind.' + +'Aye! But I may be a little changed,' said Martin, 'since you knew me +pretty well, Tom.' + +'What nonsense!' exclaimed Tom. 'Why should you be changed? You talk +as if you were an old man. I never heard such a fellow! Come to John +Westlock's, come. Come along, Mark Tapley. It's Mark's doing, I have +no doubt; and it serves you right for having such a grumbler for your +companion.' + +'There's no credit to be got through being jolly with YOU, Mr Pinch, +anyways,' said Mark, with his face all wrinkled up with grins. 'A parish +doctor might be jolly with you. There's nothing short of goin' to the +U-nited States for a second trip, as would make it at all creditable to +be jolly, arter seein' you again!' + +Tom laughed, and taking leave of his sister, hurried Mark and Martin out +into the street, and away to John Westlock's by the nearest road; for +his hour of business was very near at hand, and he prided himself on +always being exact to his time. + +John Westlock was at home, but, strange to say, was rather embarrassed +to see them; and when Tom was about to go into the room where he +was breakfasting, said he had a stranger there. It appeared to be a +mysterious stranger, for John shut that door as he said it, and led them +into the next room. + +He was very much delighted, though, to see Mark Tapley; and received +Martin with his own frank courtesy. But Martin felt that he did not +inspire John Westlock with any unusual interest; and twice or +thrice observed that he looked at Tom Pinch doubtfully; not to say +compassionately. He thought, and blushed to think, that he knew the +cause of this. + +'I apprehend you are engaged,' said Martin, when Tom had announced the +purport of their visit. 'If you will allow me to come again at your own +time, I shall be glad to do so.' + +'I AM engaged,' replied John, with some reluctance; 'but the matter on +which I am engaged is one, to say the truth, more immediately demanding +your knowledge than mine.' + +'Indeed!' cried Martin. + +'It relates to a member of your family, and is of a serious nature. If +you will have the kindness to remain here, it will be a satisfaction to +me to have it privately communicated to you, in order that you may judge +of its importance for yourself.' + +'And in the meantime,' said Tom, 'I must really take myself off, without +any further ceremony.' + +'Is your business so very particular,' asked Martin, 'that you cannot +remain with us for half an hour? I wish you could. What IS your +business, Tom?' + +It was Tom's turn to be embarrassed now; but he plainly said, after a +little hesitation: + +'Why, I am not at liberty to say what it is, Martin; though I hope +soon to be in a condition to do so, and am aware of no other reason +to prevent my doing so now, than the request of my employer. It's an +awkward position to be placed in,' said Tom, with an uneasy sense of +seeming to doubt his friend, 'as I feel every day; but I really cannot +help it, can I, John?' + +John Westlock replied in the negative; and Martin, expressing himself +perfectly satisfied, begged them not to say another word; though he +could not help wondering very much what curious office Tom held, and why +he was so secret, and embarrassed, and unlike himself, in reference to +it. Nor could he help reverting to it, in his own mind, several times +after Tom went away, which he did as soon as this conversation was +ended, taking Mr Tapley with him, who, as he laughingly said, might +accompany him as far as Fleet Street without injury. + +'And what do you mean to do, Mark?' asked Tom, as they walked on +together. + +'Mean to do, sir?' returned Mr Tapley. + +'Aye. What course of life do you mean to pursue?' + +'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'The fact is, that I have been a-thinking +rather of the matrimonial line, sir.' + +'You don't say so, Mark!' cried Tom. + +'Yes, sir. I've been a-turnin' of it over.' + +'And who is the lady, Mark?' + +'The which, sir?' said Mr Tapley. + +'The lady. Come! You know what I said,' replied Tom, laughing, 'as well +as I do!' + +Mr Tapley suppressed his own inclination to laugh; and with one of his +most whimsically-twisted looks, replied: + +'You couldn't guess, I suppose, Mr Pinch?' + +'How is it possible?' said Tom. 'I don't know any of your flames, Mark. +Except Mrs Lupin, indeed.' + +'Well, sir!' retorted Mr Tapley. 'And supposing it was her!' + +Tom stopping in the street to look at him, Mr Tapley for a moment +presented to his view an utterly stolid and expressionless face; a +perfect dead wall of countenance. But opening window after window in +it with astonishing rapidity, and lighting them all up as for a general +illumination, he repeated: + +'Supposin', for the sake of argument, as it was her, sir!' + +'Why I thought such a connection wouldn't suit you, Mark, on any terms!' +cried Tom. + +'Well, sir! I used to think so myself, once,' said Mark. 'But I ain't so +clear about it now. A dear, sweet creetur, sir!' + +'A dear, sweet creature? To be sure she is,' cried Tom. 'But she always +was a dear, sweet creature, was she not?' + +'WAS she not!' assented Mr Tapley. + +'Then why on earth didn't you marry her at first, Mark, instead of +wandering abroad, and losing all this time, and leaving her alone by +herself, liable to be courted by other people?' + +'Why, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, in a spirit of unbounded confidence, +'I'll tell you how it come about. You know me, Mr Pinch, sir; there +ain't a gentleman alive as knows me better. You're acquainted with my +constitution, and you're acquainted with my weakness. My constitution +is, to be jolly; and my weakness is, to wish to find a credit in it. +Wery good, sir. In this state of mind, I gets a notion in my head that +she looks on me with a eye of--with what you may call a favourable sort +of a eye in fact,' said Mr Tapley, with modest hesitation. + +'No doubt,' replied Tom. 'We knew that perfectly well when we spoke on +this subject long ago; before you left the Dragon.' + +Mr Tapley nodded assent. 'Well, sir! But bein' at that time full of +hopeful wisions, I arrives at the conclusion that no credit is to be got +out of such a way of life as that, where everything agreeable would be +ready to one's hand. Lookin' on the bright side of human life in short, +one of my hopeful wisions is, that there's a deal of misery awaitin' for +me; in the midst of which I may come out tolerable strong, and be jolly +under circumstances as reflects some credit. I goes into the world, sir, +wery boyant, and I tries this. I goes aboard ship first, and wery soon +discovers (by the ease with which I'm jolly, mind you) as there's no +credit to be got THERE. I might have took warning by this, and gave it +up; but I didn't. I gets to the U-nited States; and then I DO begin, I +won't deny it, to feel some little credit in sustaining my spirits. What +follows? Jest as I'm a-beginning to come out, and am a-treadin' on the +werge, my master deceives me.' + +'Deceives you!' cried Tom. + +'Swindles me,' retorted Mr Tapley with a beaming face. 'Turns his back +on everything as made his service a creditable one, and leaves me high +and dry, without a leg to stand upon. In which state I returns home. +Wery good. Then all my hopeful wisions bein' crushed; and findin' that +there ain't no credit for me nowhere; I abandons myself to despair, +and says, "Let me do that as has the least credit in it of all; marry a +dear, sweet creetur, as is wery fond of me; me bein', at the same time, +wery fond of her; lead a happy life, and struggle no more again' the +blight which settles on my prospects."' + +'If your philosophy, Mark,' said Tom, who laughed heartily at this +speech, 'be the oddest I ever heard of, it is not the least wise. Mrs +Lupin has said "yes," of course?' + +'Why, no, sir,' replied Mr Tapley; 'she hasn't gone so far as that yet. +Which I attribute principally to my not havin' asked her. But we was +wery agreeable together--comfortable, I may say--the night I come home. +It's all right, sir.' + +'Well!' said Tom, stopping at the Temple Gate. 'I wish you joy, Mark, +with all my heart. I shall see you again to-day, I dare say. Good-bye +for the present.' + +'Good-bye, sir! Good-bye, Mr Pinch!' he added by way of soliloquy, as +he stood looking after him. 'Although you ARE a damper to a honourable +ambition. You little think it, but you was the first to dash my hopes. +Pecksniff would have built me up for life, but your sweet temper pulled +me down. Good-bye, Mr Pinch!' + +While these confidences were interchanged between Tom Pinch and Mark, +Martin and John Westlock were very differently engaged. They were no +sooner left alone together than Martin said, with an effort he could not +disguise: + +'Mr Westlock, we have met only once before, but you have known Tom a +long while, and that seems to render you familiar to me. I cannot +talk freely with you on any subject unless I relieve my mind of what +oppresses it just now. I see with pain that you so far mistrust me that +you think me likely to impose on Tom's regardlessness of himself, or on +his kind nature, or some of his good qualities.' + +'I had no intention,' replied John, 'of conveying any such impression to +you, and am exceedingly sorry to have done so.' + +'But you entertain it?' said Martin. + +'You ask me so pointedly and directly,' returned the other, 'that I +cannot deny the having accustomed myself to regard you as one who, +not in wantonness but in mere thoughtlessness of character, did not +sufficiently consider his nature and did not quite treat it as it +deserves to be treated. It is much easier to slight than to appreciate +Tom Pinch.' + +This was not said warmly, but was energetically spoken too; for there +was no subject in the world (but one) on which the speaker felt so +strongly. + +'I grew into the knowledge of Tom,' he pursued, 'as I grew towards +manhood; and I have learned to love him as something, infinitely better +than myself. I did not think that you understood him when we met before. +I did not think that you greatly cared to understand him. The instances +of this which I observed in you were, like my opportunities for +observation, very trivial--and were very harmless, I dare say. But they +were not agreeable to me, and they forced themselves upon me; for I was +not upon the watch for them, believe me. You will say,' added John, with +a smile, as he subsided into more of his accustomed manner, 'that I am +not by any means agreeable to you. I can only assure you, in reply, that +I would not have originated this topic on any account.' + +'I originated it,' said Martin; 'and so far from having any complaint +to make against you, highly esteem the friendship you entertain for +Tom, and the very many proofs you have given him of it. Why should +I endeavour to conceal from you'--he coloured deeply though--'that +I neither understood him nor cared to understand him when I was his +companion; and that I am very truly sorry for it now!' + +It was so sincerely said, at once so modestly and manfully, that John +offered him his hand as if he had not done so before; and Martin giving +his in the same open spirit, all constraint between the young men +vanished. + +'Now pray,' said John, 'when I tire your patience very much in what I +am going to say, recollect that it has an end to it, and that the end is +the point of the story.' + +With this preface, he related all the circumstances connected with his +having presided over the illness and slow recovery of the patient at the +Bull; and tacked on to the skirts of that narrative Tom's own account of +the business on the wharf. Martin was not a little puzzled when he came +to an end, for the two stories seemed to have no connection with each +other, and to leave him, as the phrase is, all abroad. + +'If you will excuse me for one moment,' said John, rising, 'I will beg +you almost immediately to come into the next room.' + +Upon that, he left Martin to himself, in a state of considerable +astonishment; and soon came back again to fulfil his promise. +Accompanying him into the next room, Martin found there a third person; +no doubt the stranger of whom his host had spoken when Tom Pinch +introduced him. + +He was a young man; with deep black hair and eyes. He was gaunt and +pale; and evidently had not long recovered from a severe illness. He +stood as Martin entered, but sat again at John's desire. His eyes were +cast downward; and but for one glance at them both, half in humiliation +and half in entreaty, he kept them so, and sat quite still and silent. + +'This person's name is Lewsome,' said John Westlock, 'whom I have +mentioned to you as having been seized with an illness at the inn near +here, and undergone so much. He has had a very hard time of it, ever +since he began to recover; but, as you see, he is now doing well.' + +As he did not move or speak, and John Westlock made a pause, Martin, not +knowing what to say, said that he was glad to hear it. + +'The short statement that I wish you to hear from his own lips, Mr +Chuzzlewit,' John pursued--looking attentively at him, and not at +Martin--'he made to me for the first time yesterday, and repeated to me +this morning, without the least variation of any essential particular. I +have already told you that he informed me before he was removed from the +Inn, that he had a secret to disclose to me which lay heavy on his mind. +But, fluctuating between sickness and health and between his desire to +relieve himself of it, and his dread of involving himself by revealing +it, he has, until yesterday, avoided the disclosure. I never pressed +him for it (having no idea of its weight or import, or of my right to do +so), until within a few days past; when, understanding from him, on his +own voluntary avowal, in a letter from the country, that it related to a +person whose name was Jonas Chuzzlewit; and thinking that it might throw +some light on that little mystery which made Tom anxious now and then; I +urged the point upon him, and heard his statement, as you will now, +from his own lips. It is due to him to say, that in the apprehension +of death, he committed it to writing sometime since, and folded it in a +sealed paper, addressed to me; which he could not resolve, however, +to place of his own act in my hands. He has the paper in his breast, I +believe, at this moment.' + +The young man touched it hastily; in corroboration of the fact. + +'It will be well to leave that in our charge, perhaps,' said John. 'But +do not mind it now.' + +As he said this, he held up his hand to bespeak Martin's attention. It +was already fixed upon the man before him, who, after a short silence +said, in a low, weak, hollow voice: + +'What relation was Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit, who--' + +'--Who died--to me?' said Martin. 'He was my grandfather's brother.' + +'I fear he was made away with. Murdered!' + +'My God!' said Martin. 'By whom?' + +The young man, Lewsome, looked up in his face, and casting down his eyes +again, replied: + +'I fear, by me.' + +'By you?' cried Martin. + +'Not by my act, but I fear by my means.' + +'Speak out!' said Martin, 'and speak the truth.' + +'I fear this IS the truth.' + +Martin was about to interrupt him again, but John Westlock saying +softly, 'Let him tell his story in his own way,' Lewsome went on thus: + +'I have been bred a surgeon, and for the last few years have served a +general practitioner in the City, as his assistant. While I was in +his employment I became acquainted with Jonas Chuzzlewit. He is the +principal in this deed.' + +'What do you mean?' demanded Martin, sternly. 'Do you know he is the son +of the old man of whom you have spoken?' + +'I do,' he answered. + +He remained silent for some moments, when he resumed at the point where +he had left off. + +'I have reason to know it; for I have often heard him wish his old +father dead, and complain of his being wearisome to him, and a drag +upon him. He was in the habit of doing so, at a place of meeting we +had--three or four of us--at night. There was no good in the place you +may suppose, when you hear that he was the chief of the party. I wish I +had died myself, and never seen it!' + +He stopped again; and again resumed as before. + +'We met to drink and game; not for large sums, but for sums that were +large to us. He generally won. Whether or no, he lent money at interest +to those who lost; and in this way, though I think we all secretly hated +him, he came to be the master of us. To propitiate him we made a jest of +his father; it began with his debtors; I was one; and we used to toast +a quicker journey to the old man, and a swift inheritance to the young +one.' + +He paused again. + +'One night he came there in a very bad humour. He had been greatly +tried, he said, by the old man that day. He and I were alone together; +and he angrily told me, that the old man was in his second childhood; +that he was weak, imbecile, and drivelling; as unbearable to himself as +he was to other people; and that it would be a charity to put him out of +the way. He swore that he had often thought of mixing something with the +stuff he took for his cough, which should help him to die easily. People +were sometimes smothered who were bitten by mad dogs, he said; and why +not help these lingering old men out of their troubles too? He looked +full at me as he said so, and I looked full at him; but it went no +farther that night.' + +He stopped once more, and was silent for so long an interval that John +Westlock said 'Go on.' Martin had never removed his eyes from his face, +but was so absorbed in horror and astonishment that he could not speak. + +'It may have been a week after that, or it may have been less or +more--the matter was in my mind all the time, but I cannot recollect the +time, as I should any other period--when he spoke to me again. We were +alone then, too; being there before the usual hour of assembling. There +was no appointment between us; but I think I went there to meet him, and +I know he came there to meet me. He was there first. He was reading +a newspaper when I went in, and nodded to me without looking up, or +leaving off reading. I sat down opposite and close to him. He said, +immediately, that he wanted me to get him some of two sorts of drugs. +One that was instantaneous in its effect; of which he wanted very +little. One that was slow and not suspicious in appearance; of which he +wanted more. While he was speaking to me he still read the newspaper. He +said "Drugs," and never used any other word. Neither did I.' + +'This all agrees with what I have heard before,' observed John Westlock. + +'I asked him what he wanted the drugs for? He said for no harm; to +physic cats; what did it matter to me? I was going out to a distant +colony (I had recently got the appointment, which, as Mr Westlock +knows, I have since lost by my sickness, and which was my only hope of +salvation from ruin), and what did it matter to me? He could get them +without my aid at half a hundred places, but not so easily as he could +get them of me. This was true. He might not want them at all, he said, +and he had no present idea of using them; but he wished to have them +by him. All this time he still read the newspaper. We talked about the +price. He was to forgive me a small debt--I was quite in his power--and +to pay me five pounds; and there the matter dropped, through others +coming in. But, next night, under exactly similar circumstances, I gave +him the drugs, on his saying I was a fool to think that he should ever +use them for any harm; and he gave me the money. We have never met +since. I only know that the poor old father died soon afterwards, just +as he would have died from this cause; and that I have undergone, and +suffer now, intolerable misery. Nothing' he added, stretching out his +hands, 'can paint my misery! It is well deserved, but nothing can paint +it.' + +With that he hung his head, and said no more, wasted and wretched, he +was not a creature upon whom to heap reproaches that were unavailing. + +'Let him remain at hand,' said Martin, turning from him; 'but out of +sight, in Heaven's name!' + +'He will remain here,' John whispered. 'Come with me!' Softly turning +the key upon him as they went out, he conducted Martin into the +adjoining room, in which they had been before. + +Martin was so amazed, so shocked, and confounded by what he had heard +that it was some time before he could reduce it to any order in his +mind, or could sufficiently comprehend the bearing of one part upon +another, to take in all the details at one view. When he, at length, had +the whole narrative clearly before him, John Westlock went on to point +out the great probability of the guilt of Jonas being known to other +people, who traded in it for their own benefit, and who were, by +such means, able to exert that control over him which Tom Pinch had +accidentally witnessed, and unconsciously assisted. This appeared so +plain, that they agreed upon it without difficulty; but instead of +deriving the least assistance from this source, they found that it +embarrassed them the more. + +They knew nothing of the real parties who possessed this power. The only +person before them was Tom's landlord. They had no right to question +Tom's landlord, even if they could find him, which, according to Tom's +account, it would not be easy to do. And granting that they did question +him, and he answered (which was taking a good deal for granted), he had +only to say, with reference to the adventure on the wharf, that he had +been sent from such and such a place to summon Jonas back on urgent +business, and there was an end of it. + +Besides, there was the great difficulty and responsibility of moving at +all in the matter. Lewsome's story might be false; in his wretched state +it might be greatly heightened by a diseased brain; or admitting it +to be entirely true, the old man might have died a natural death. Mr +Pecksniff had been there at the time; as Tom immediately remembered, +when he came back in the afternoon, and shared their counsels; and there +had been no secrecy about it. Martin's grandfather was of right the +person to decide upon the course that should be taken; but to get at his +views would be impossible, for Mr Pecksniff's views were certain to +be his. And the nature of Mr Pecksniff's views in reference to his own +son-in-law might be easily reckoned upon. + +Apart from these considerations, Martin could not endure the thought +of seeming to grasp at this unnatural charge against his relative, and +using it as a stepping-stone to his grandfather's favour. But that he +would seem to do so, if he presented himself before his grandfather in +Mr Pecksniff's house again, for the purpose of declaring it; and that +Mr Pecksniff, of all men, would represent his conduct in that despicable +light, he perfectly well knew. On the other hand to be in possession of +such a statement, and take no measures of further inquiry in reference +to it, was tantamount to being a partner in the guilt it professed to +disclose. + +In a word, they were wholly unable to discover any outlet from this maze +of difficulty, which did not lie through some perplexed and entangled +thicket. And although Mr Tapley was promptly taken into their +confidence; and the fertile imagination of that gentleman suggested many +bold expedients, which, to do him justice, he was quite ready to carry +into instant operation on his own personal responsibility; still 'bating +the general zeal of Mr Tapley's nature, nothing was made particularly +clearer by these offers of service. + +It was in this position of affairs that Tom's account of the strange +behaviour of the decayed clerk, on the night of the tea-party, became +of great moment, and finally convinced them that to arrive at a more +accurate knowledge of the workings of that old man's mind and memory, +would be to take a most important stride in their pursuit of the truth. +So, having first satisfied themselves that no communication had ever +taken place between Lewsome and Mr Chuffey (which would have accounted +at once for any suspicions the latter might entertain), they unanimously +resolved that the old clerk was the man they wanted. + +But, like the unanimous resolution of a public meeting, which will +oftentimes declare that this or that grievance is not to be borne +a moment longer, which is nevertheless borne for a century or two +afterwards, without any modification, they only reached in this the +conclusion that they were all of one mind. For it was one thing to want +Mr Chuffey, and another thing to get at him; and to do that without +alarming him, or without alarming Jonas, or without being discomfited +by the difficulty of striking, in an instrument so out of tune and so +unused, the note they sought, was an end as far from their reach as +ever. + +The question then became, who of those about the old clerk had had most +influence with him that night? Tom said his young mistress clearly. +But Tom and all of them shrunk from the thought of entrapping her, +and making her the innocent means of bringing retribution on her cruel +husband. Was there nobody else? Why yes. In a very different way, Tom +said, he was influenced by Mrs Gamp, the nurse; who had once had the +control of him, as he understood, for some time. + +They caught at this immediately. Here was a new way out, developed in a +quarter until then overlooked. John Westlock knew Mrs Gamp; he had given +her employment; he was acquainted with her place of residence: for that +good lady had obligingly furnished him, at parting, with a pack of her +professional cards for general distribution. It was decided that Mrs +Gamp should be approached with caution, but approached without delay; +and that the depths of that discreet matron's knowledge of Mr Chuffey, +and means of bringing them, or one of them, into communication with him, +should be carefully sounded. + +On this service, Martin and John Westlock determined to proceed that +night; waiting on Mrs Gamp first, at her lodgings; and taking their +chance of finding her in the repose of private life, or of having to +seek her out, elsewhere, in the exercise of her professional duties. Tom +returned home, that he might lose no opportunity of having an interview +with Nadgett, by being absent in the event of his reappearance. And Mr +Tapley remained (by his own particular desire) for the time being in +Furnival's Inn, to look after Lewsome; who might safely have been left +to himself, however, for any thought he seemed to entertain of giving +them the slip. + +Before they parted on their several errands, they caused him to read +aloud, in the presence of them all, the paper which he had about him, +and the declaration he had attached to it, which was to the effect that +he had written it voluntarily, in the fear of death and in the torture +of his mind. And when he had done so, they all signed it, and taking it +from him, of his free will, locked it in a place of safety. + +Martin also wrote, by John's advice, a letter to the trustees of the +famous Grammar School, boldly claiming the successful design as his, +and charging Mr Pecksniff with the fraud he had committed. In this +proceeding also, John was hotly interested; observing, with his usual +irreverance, that Mr Pecksniff had been a successful rascal all his +life through, and that it would be a lasting source of happiness to him +(John) if he could help to do him justice in the smallest particular. + +A busy day! But Martin had no lodgings yet; so when these matters were +disposed of, he excused himself from dining with John Westlock and was +fain to wander out alone, and look for some. He succeeded, after great +trouble, in engaging two garrets for himself and Mark, situated in a +court in the Strand, not far from Temple Bar. Their luggage, which was +waiting for them at a coach-office, he conveyed to this new place of +refuge; and it was with a glow of satisfaction, which as a selfish man +he never could have known and never had, that, thinking how much pains +and trouble he had saved Mark, and how pleased and astonished Mark would +be, he afterwards walked up and down, in the Temple, eating a meat-pie +for his dinner. + + + +CHAPTER FORTY-NINE + +IN WHICH MRS HARRIS ASSISTED BY A TEAPOT, IS THE CAUSE OF A DIVISION +BETWEEN FRIENDS + + +Mrs Gamp's apartment in Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, wore, +metaphorically speaking, a robe of state. It was swept and garnished for +the reception of a visitor. That visitor was Betsey Prig; Mrs Prig, of +Bartlemy's; or as some said Barklemy's, or as some said Bardlemy's; for +by all these endearing and familiar appellations, had the hospital of +Saint Bartholomew become a household word among the sisterhood which +Betsey Prig adorned. + +Mrs Gamp's apartment was not a spacious one, but, to a contented mind, +a closet is a palace; and the first-floor front at Mr Sweedlepipe's may +have been, in the imagination of Mrs Gamp, a stately pile. If it were +not exactly that, to restless intellects, it at least comprised as much +accommodation as any person, not sanguine to insanity, could have looked +for in a room of its dimensions. For only keep the bedstead always in +your mind; and you were safe. That was the grand secret. Remembering the +bedstead, you might even stoop to look under the little round table +for anything you had dropped, without hurting yourself much against the +chest of drawers, or qualifying as a patient of Saint Bartholomew, by +falling into the fire. + +Visitors were much assisted in their cautious efforts to preserve an +unflagging recollection of this piece of furniture, by its size; which +was great. It was not a turn-up bedstead, nor yet a French bedstead, +nor yet a four-post bedstead, but what is poetically called a tent; the +sacking whereof was low and bulgy, insomuch that Mrs Gamp's box would +not go under it, but stopped half-way, in a manner which, while it did +violence to the reason, likewise endangered the legs of a stranger. The +frame too, which would have supported the canopy and hangings if there +had been any, was ornamented with divers pippins carved in timber, +which on the slightest provocation, and frequently on none at all, came +tumbling down; harassing the peaceful guest with inexplicable terrors. + +The bed itself was decorated with a patchwork quilt of great antiquity; +and at the upper end, upon the side nearest to the door, hung a scanty +curtain of blue check, which prevented the Zephyrs that were abroad in +Kingsgate Street, from visiting Mrs Gamp's head too roughly. Some rusty +gowns and other articles of that lady's wardrobe depended from the +posts; and these had so adapted themselves by long usage to her figure, +that more than one impatient husband coming in precipitately, at about +the time of twilight, had been for an instant stricken dumb by the +supposed discovery that Mrs Gamp had hanged herself. One gentleman, +coming on the usual hasty errand, had said indeed, that they looked like +guardian angels 'watching of her in her sleep.' But that, as Mrs Gamp +said, 'was his first;' and he never repeated the sentiment, though he +often repeated his visit. + +The chairs in Mrs Gamp's apartment were extremely large and +broad-backed, which was more than a sufficient reason for there being +but two in number. They were both elbow-chairs, of ancient mahogany; and +were chiefly valuable for the slippery nature of their seats, which had +been originally horsehair, but were now covered with a shiny substance +of a bluish tint, from which the visitor began to slide away with a +dismayed countenance, immediately after sitting down. What Mrs Gamp +wanted in chairs she made up in bandboxes; of which she had a great +collection, devoted to the reception of various miscellaneous valuables, +which were not, however, as well protected as the good woman, by a +pleasant fiction, seemed to think; for, though every bandbox had a +carefully closed lid, not one among them had a bottom; owing to which +cause the property within was merely, as it were, extinguished. The +chest of drawers having been originally made to stand upon the top of +another chest, had a dwarfish, elfin look, alone; but in regard of its +security it had a great advantage over the bandboxes, for as all the +handles had been long ago pulled off, it was very difficult to get at +its contents. This indeed was only to be done by one or two devices; +either by tilting the whole structure forward until all the drawers fell +out together, or by opening them singly with knives, like oysters. + +Mrs Gamp stored all her household matters in a little cupboard by the +fire-place; beginning below the surface (as in nature) with the coals, +and mounting gradually upwards to the spirits, which, from motives of +delicacy, she kept in a teapot. The chimney-piece was ornamented with +a small almanack, marked here and there in Mrs Gamp's own hand with a +memorandum of the date at which some lady was expected to fall due. It +was also embellished with three profiles: one, in colours, of Mrs Gamp +herself in early life; one, in bronze, of a lady in feathers, supposed +to be Mrs Harris, as she appeared when dressed for a ball; and one, in +black, of Mr Gamp, deceased. The last was a full length, in order +that the likeness might be rendered more obvious and forcible by the +introduction of the wooden leg. + +A pair of bellows, a pair of pattens, a toasting-fork, a kettle, a +pap-boat, a spoon for the administration of medicine to the refractory, +and lastly, Mrs Gamp's umbrella, which as something of great price +and rarity, was displayed with particular ostentation, completed the +decorations of the chimney-piece and adjacent wall. Towards these +objects Mrs Gamp raised her eyes in satisfaction when she had arranged +the tea-board, and had concluded her arrangements for the reception +of Betsey Prig, even unto the setting forth of two pounds of Newcastle +salmon, intensely pickled. + +'There! Now drat you, Betsey, don't be long!' said Mrs Gamp, +apostrophizing her absent friend. 'For I can't abear to wait, I do +assure you. To wotever place I goes, I sticks to this one mortar, "I'm +easy pleased; it is but little as I wants; but I must have that little +of the best, and to the minute when the clock strikes, else we do not +part as I could wish, but bearin' malice in our arts."' + +Her own preparations were of the best, for they comprehended a delicate +new loaf, a plate of fresh butter, a basin of fine white sugar, and +other arrangements on the same scale. Even the snuff with which she +now refreshed herself, was so choice in quality that she took a second +pinch. + +'There's the little bell a-ringing now,' said Mrs Gamp, hurrying to +the stair-head and looking over. 'Betsey Prig, my--why it's that there +disapintin' Sweedlepipes, I do believe.' + +'Yes, it's me,' said the barber in a faint voice; 'I've just come in.' + +'You're always a-comin' in, I think,' muttered Mrs Gamp to herself, +'except wen you're a-goin' out. I ha'n't no patience with that man!' + +'Mrs Gamp,' said the barber. 'I say! Mrs Gamp!' + +'Well,' cried Mrs Gamp, impatiently, as she descended the stairs. 'What +is it? Is the Thames a-fire, and cooking its own fish, Mr Sweedlepipes? +Why wot's the man gone and been a-doin' of to himself? He's as white as +chalk!' + +She added the latter clause of inquiry, when she got downstairs, and +found him seated in the shaving-chair, pale and disconsolate. + +'You recollect,' said Poll. 'You recollect young--' + +'Not young Wilkins!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say young Wilkins, wotever +you do. If young Wilkins's wife is took--' + +'It isn't anybody's wife,' exclaimed the little barber. 'Bailey, young +Bailey!' + +'Why, wot do you mean to say that chit's been a-doin' of?' retorted Mrs +Gamp, sharply. 'Stuff and nonsense, Mrs Sweedlepipes!' + +'He hasn't been a-doing anything!' exclaimed poor Poll, quite desperate. +'What do you catch me up so short for, when you see me put out to that +extent that I can hardly speak? He'll never do anything again. He's done +for. He's killed. The first time I ever see that boy,' said Poll, 'I +charged him too much for a red-poll. I asked him three-halfpence for a +penny one, because I was afraid he'd beat me down. But he didn't. +And now he's dead; and if you was to crowd all the steam-engines and +electric fluids that ever was, into this shop, and set 'em every one to +work their hardest, they couldn't square the account, though it's only a +ha'penny!' + +Mr Sweedlepipe turned aside to the towel, and wiped his eyes with it. + +'And what a clever boy he was!' he said. 'What a surprising young chap +he was! How he talked! and what a deal he know'd! Shaved in this very +chair he was; only for fun; it was all his fun; he was full of it. Ah! +to think that he'll never be shaved in earnest! The birds might every +one have died, and welcome,' cried the little barber, looking round him +at the cages, and again applying to the towel, 'sooner than I'd have +heard this news!' + +'How did you ever come to hear it?' said Mrs Gamp, 'who told you?' + +'I went out,' returned the little barber, 'into the City, to meet a +sporting gent upon the Stock Exchange, that wanted a few slow pigeons to +practice at; and when I'd done with him, I went to get a little drop +of beer, and there I heard everybody a-talking about it. It's in the +papers.' + +'You are in a nice state of confugion, Mr Sweedlepipes, you are!' said +Mrs Gamp, shaking her head; 'and my opinion is, as half-a-dudgeon fresh +young lively leeches on your temples, wouldn't be too much to clear your +mind, which so I tell you. Wot were they a-talkin' on, and wot was in +the papers?' + +'All about it!' cried the barber. 'What else do you suppose? Him and his +master were upset on a journey, and he was carried to Salisbury, and +was breathing his last when the account came away. He never spoke +afterwards. Not a single word. That's the worst of it to me; but that +ain't all. His master can't be found. The other manager of their office +in the city, Crimple, David Crimple, has gone off with the money, and is +advertised for, with a reward, upon the walls. Mr Montague, poor young +Bailey's master (what a boy he was!) is advertised for, too. Some say +he's slipped off, to join his friend abroad; some say he mayn't have got +away yet; and they're looking for him high and low. Their office is a +smash; a swindle altogether. But what's a Life Assurance office to a +Life! And what a Life Young Bailey's was!' + +'He was born into a wale,' said Mrs Gamp, with philosophical coolness. +'and he lived in a wale; and he must take the consequences of sech a +sitiwation. But don't you hear nothink of Mr Chuzzlewit in all this?' + +'No,' said Poll, 'nothing to speak of. His name wasn't printed as one of +the board, though some people say it was just going to be. Some believe +he was took in, and some believe he was one of the takers-in; but +however that may be, they can't prove nothing against him. This morning +he went up of his own accord afore the Lord Mayor or some of them City +big-wigs, and complained that he'd been swindled, and that these two +persons had gone off and cheated him, and that he had just found out +that Montague's name wasn't even Montague, but something else. And they +do say that he looked like Death, owing to his losses. But, Lord +forgive me,' cried the barber, coming back again to the subject of +his individual grief, 'what's his looks to me! He might have died and +welcome, fifty times, and not been such a loss as Bailey!' + +At this juncture the little bell rang, and the deep voice of Mrs Prig +struck into the conversation. + +'Oh! You're a-talkin' about it, are you!' observed that lady. 'Well, I +hope you've got it over, for I ain't interested in it myself.' + +'My precious Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, 'how late you are!' + +The worthy Mrs Prig replied, with some asperity, 'that if perwerse +people went off dead, when they was least expected, it warn't no fault +of her'n.' And further, 'that it was quite aggrawation enough to be made +late when one was dropping for one's tea, without hearing on it again.' + +Mrs Gamp, deriving from this exhibition of repartee some clue to the +state of Mrs Prig's feelings, instantly conducted her upstairs; deeming +that the sight of pickled salmon might work a softening change. + +But Betsey Prig expected pickled salmon. It was obvious that she did; +for her first words, after glancing at the table, were: + +'I know'd she wouldn't have a cowcumber!' + +Mrs Gamp changed colour, and sat down upon the bedstead. + +'Lord bless you, Betsey Prig, your words is true. I quite forgot it!' + +Mrs Prig, looking steadfastly at her friend, put her hand in her +pocket, and with an air of surly triumph drew forth either the oldest of +lettuces or youngest of cabbages, but at any rate, a green vegetable of +an expansive nature, and of such magnificent proportions that she was +obliged to shut it up like an umbrella before she could pull it out. +She also produced a handful of mustard and cress, a trifle of the herb +called dandelion, three bunches of radishes, an onion rather larger than +an average turnip, three substantial slices of beetroot, and a short +prong or antler of celery; the whole of this garden-stuff having been +publicly exhibited, but a short time before, as a twopenny salad, and +purchased by Mrs Prig on condition that the vendor could get it all into +her pocket. Which had been happily accomplished, in High Holborn, to +the breathless interest of a hackney-coach stand. And she laid so little +stress on this surprising forethought, that she did not even smile, but +returning her pocket into its accustomed sphere, merely recommended +that these productions of nature should be sliced up, for immediate +consumption, in plenty of vinegar. + +'And don't go a-droppin' none of your snuff in it,' said Mrs Prig. +'In gruel, barley-water, apple-tea, mutton-broth, and that, it don't +signify. It stimulates a patient. But I don't relish it myself.' + +'Why, Betsey Prig!' cried Mrs Gamp, 'how CAN you talk so!' + +'Why, ain't your patients, wotever their diseases is, always asneezin' +their wery heads off, along of your snuff?' said Mrs Prig. + +'And wot if they are!' said Mrs Gamp + +'Nothing if they are,' said Mrs Prig. 'But don't deny it, Sairah.' + +'Who deniges of it?' Mrs Gamp inquired. + +Mrs Prig returned no answer. + +'WHO deniges of it, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp inquired again. Then Mrs Gamp, by +reversing the question, imparted a deeper and more awful character of +solemnity to the same. 'Betsey, who deniges of it?' + +It was the nearest possible approach to a very decided difference of +opinion between these ladies; but Mrs Prig's impatience for the meal +being greater at the moment than her impatience of contradiction, she +replied, for the present, 'Nobody, if you don't, Sairah,' and prepared +herself for tea. For a quarrel can be taken up at any time, but a +limited quantity of salmon cannot. + +Her toilet was simple. She had merely to 'chuck' her bonnet and shawl +upon the bed; give her hair two pulls, one upon the right side and one +upon the left, as if she were ringing a couple of bells; and all was +done. The tea was already made, Mrs Gamp was not long over the salad, +and they were soon at the height of their repast. + +The temper of both parties was improved, for the time being, by the +enjoyments of the table. When the meal came to a termination (which it +was pretty long in doing), and Mrs Gamp having cleared away, produced +the teapot from the top shelf, simultaneously with a couple of +wine-glasses, they were quite amiable. + +'Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, filling her own glass and passing the teapot, +'I will now propoge a toast. My frequent pardner, Betsey Prig!' + +'Which, altering the name to Sairah Gamp; I drink,' said Mrs Prig, 'with +love and tenderness.' + +From this moment symptoms of inflammation began to lurk in the nose of +each lady; and perhaps, notwithstanding all appearances to the contrary, +in the temper also. + +'Now, Sairah,' said Mrs Prig, 'joining business with pleasure, wot is +this case in which you wants me?' + +Mrs Gamp betraying in her face some intention of returning an evasive +answer, Betsey added: + +'IS it Mrs Harris?' + +'No, Betsey Prig, it ain't,' was Mrs Gamp's reply. + +'Well!' said Mrs Prig, with a short laugh. 'I'm glad of that, at any +rate.' + +'Why should you be glad of that, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp retorted, warmly. +'She is unbeknown to you except by hearsay, why should you be glad? If +you have anythink to say contrairy to the character of Mrs Harris, which +well I knows behind her back, afore her face, or anywheres, is not to be +impeaged, out with it, Betsey. I have know'd that sweetest and best of +women,' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her head, and shedding tears, 'ever since +afore her First, which Mr Harris who was dreadful timid went and stopped +his ears in a empty dog-kennel, and never took his hands away or come +out once till he was showed the baby, wen bein' took with fits, the +doctor collared him and laid him on his back upon the airy stones, and +she was told to ease her mind, his owls was organs. And I have know'd +her, Betsey Prig, when he has hurt her feelin' art by sayin' of his +Ninth that it was one too many, if not two, while that dear innocent was +cooin' in his face, which thrive it did though bandy, but I have never +know'd as you had occagion to be glad, Betsey, on accounts of Mrs Harris +not requiring you. Require she never will, depend upon it, for her +constant words in sickness is, and will be, "Send for Sairey?"' + +During this touching address, Mrs Prig adroitly feigning to be the +victim of that absence of mind which has its origin in excessive +attention to one topic, helped herself from the teapot without appearing +to observe it. Mrs Gamp observed it, however, and came to a premature +close in consequence. + +'Well, it ain't her, it seems,' said Mrs Prig, coldly; 'who is it then?' + +'You have heerd me mention, Betsey,' Mrs Gamp replied, after glancing in +an expressive and marked manner at the tea-pot, 'a person as I took +care on at the time as you and me was pardners off and on, in that there +fever at the Bull?' + +'Old Snuffey,' Mrs Prig observed. + +Sarah Gamp looked at her with an eye of fire, for she saw in this +mistake of Mrs Prig, another willful and malignant stab at that same +weakness or custom of hers, an ungenerous allusion to which, on the part +of Betsey, had first disturbed their harmony that evening. And she saw +it still more clearly, when, politely but firmly correcting that lady +by the distinct enunciation of the word 'Chuffey,' Mrs Prig received the +correction with a diabolical laugh. + +The best among us have their failings, and it must be conceded of Mrs +Prig, that if there were a blemish in the goodness of her disposition, +it was a habit she had of not bestowing all its sharp and acid +properties upon her patients (as a thoroughly amiable woman would have +done), but of keeping a considerable remainder for the service of her +friends. Highly pickled salmon, and lettuces chopped up in vinegar, +may, as viands possessing some acidity of their own, have encouraged and +increased this failing in Mrs Prig; and every application to the teapot +certainly did; for it was often remarked of her by her friends, that +she was most contradictory when most elevated. It is certain that her +countenance became about this time derisive and defiant, and that she +sat with her arms folded, and one eye shut up, in a somewhat offensive, +because obstrusively intelligent, manner. + +Mrs Gamp observing this, felt it the more necessary that Mrs Prig should +know her place, and be made sensible of her exact station in society, as +well as of her obligations to herself. She therefore assumed an air of +greater patronage and importance, as she went on to answer Mrs Prig a +little more in detail. + +'Mr Chuffey, Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, 'is weak in his mind. Excuge me +if I makes remark, that he may neither be so weak as people thinks, nor +people may not think he is so weak as they pretends, and what I knows, +I knows; and what you don't, you don't; so do not ask me, Betsey. But Mr +Chuffey's friends has made propojals for his bein' took care on, and has +said to me, "Mrs Gamp, WILL you undertake it? We couldn't think," they +says, "of trusting him to nobody but you, for, Sairey, you are gold as +has passed the furnage. Will you undertake it, at your own price, day +and night, and by your own self?" "No," I says, "I will not. Do not +reckon on it. There is," I says, "but one creetur in the world as I would +undertake on sech terms, and her name is Harris. But," I says, "I +am acquainted with a friend, whose name is Betsey Prig, that I can +recommend, and will assist me. Betsey," I says, "is always to be trusted +under me, and will be guided as I could desire."' + +Here Mrs Prig, without any abatement of her offensive manner again +counterfeited abstraction of mind, and stretched out her hand to the +teapot. It was more than Mrs Gamp could bear. She stopped the hand of +Mrs Prig with her own, and said, with great feeling: + +'No, Betsey! Drink fair, wotever you do!' + +Mrs Prig, thus baffled, threw herself back in her chair, and closing the +same eye more emphatically, and folding her arms tighter, suffered her +head to roll slowly from side to side, while she surveyed her friend +with a contemptuous smile. + +Mrs Gamp resumed: + +'Mrs Harris, Betsey--' + +'Bother Mrs Harris!' said Betsey Prig. + +Mrs Gamp looked at her with amazement, incredulity, and indignation; +when Mrs Prig, shutting her eye still closer, and folding her arms still +tighter, uttered these memorable and tremendous words: + +'I don't believe there's no sich a person!' + +After the utterance of which expressions, she leaned forward, and +snapped her fingers once, twice, thrice; each time nearer to the face of +Mrs Gamp, and then rose to put on her bonnet, as one who felt that there +was now a gulf between them, which nothing could ever bridge across. + +The shock of this blow was so violent and sudden, that Mrs Gamp sat +staring at nothing with uplifted eyes, and her mouth open as if she +were gasping for breath, until Betsey Prig had put on her bonnet and +her shawl, and was gathering the latter about her throat. Then Mrs Gamp +rose--morally and physically rose--and denounced her. + +'What!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you bage creetur, have I know'd Mrs Harris five +and thirty year, to be told at last that there ain't no sech a person +livin'! Have I stood her friend in all her troubles, great and small, +for it to come at last to sech a end as this, which her own sweet picter +hanging up afore you all the time, to shame your Bragian words! But well +you mayn't believe there's no sech a creetur, for she wouldn't demean +herself to look at you, and often has she said, when I have made mention +of your name, which, to my sinful sorrow, I have done, "What, Sairey +Gamp! debage yourself to HER!" Go along with you!' + +'I'm a-goin', ma'am, ain't I?' said Mrs Prig, stopping as she said it. + +'You had better, ma'am,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Do you know who you're talking to, ma'am?' inquired her visitor. + +'Aperiently,' said Mrs Gamp, surveying her with scorn from head to foot, +'to Betsey Prig. Aperiently so. I know her. No one better. Go along with +you!' + +'And YOU was a-goin' to take me under you!' cried Mrs Prig, surveying +Mrs Gamp from head to foot in her turn. 'YOU was, was you? Oh, how kind! +Why, deuce take your imperence,' said Mrs Prig, with a rapid change from +banter to ferocity, 'what do you mean?' + +'Go along with you!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I blush for you.' + +'You had better blush a little for yourself, while you ARE about it!' +said Mrs Prig. 'You and your Chuffeys! What, the poor old creetur isn't +mad enough, isn't he? Aha!' + +'He'd very soon be mad enough, if you had anything to do with him,' said +Mrs Gamp. + +'And that's what I was wanted for, is it?' cried Mrs Prig, triumphantly. +'Yes. But you'll find yourself deceived. I won't go near him. We shall +see how you get on without me. I won't have nothink to do with him.' + +'You never spoke a truer word than that!' said Mrs Gamp. 'Go along with +you!' + +She was prevented from witnessing the actual retirement of Mrs Prig from +the room, notwithstanding the great desire she had expressed to behold +it, by that lady, in her angry withdrawal, coming into contact with the +bedstead, and bringing down the previously mentioned pippins; three or +four of which came rattling on the head of Mrs Gamp so smartly, that +when she recovered from this wooden shower-bath, Mrs Prig was gone. + +She had the satisfaction, however, of hearing the deep voice of Betsey, +proclaiming her injuries and her determination to have nothing to do +with Mr Chuffey, down the stairs, and along the passage, and even out in +Kingsgate Street. Likewise of seeing in her own apartment, in the place +of Mrs Prig, Mr Sweedlepipe and two gentlemen. + +'Why, bless my life!' exclaimed the little barber, 'what's amiss? The +noise you ladies have been making, Mrs Gamp! Why, these two gentlemen +have been standing on the stairs, outside the door, nearly all the time, +trying to make you hear, while you were pelting away, hammer and tongs! +It'll be the death of the little bullfinch in the shop, that draws his +own water. In his fright, he's been a-straining himself all to bits, +drawing more water than he could drink in a twelvemonth. He must have +thought it was Fire!' + +Mrs Gamp had in the meanwhile sunk into her chair, from whence, turning +up her overflowing eyes, and clasping her hands, she delivered the +following lamentation: + +'Oh, Mr Sweedlepipes, which Mr Westlock also, if my eyes do not deceive, +and a friend not havin' the pleasure of bein' beknown, wot I have took +from Betsey Prig this blessed night, no mortial creetur knows! If she +had abuged me, bein' in liquor, which I thought I smelt her wen she +come, but could not so believe, not bein' used myself'--Mrs Gamp, by the +way, was pretty far gone, and the fragrance of the teapot was strong in +the room--'I could have bore it with a thankful art. But the words she +spoke of Mrs Harris, lambs could not forgive. No, Betsey!' said Mrs +Gamp, in a violent burst of feeling, 'nor worms forget!' + +The little barber scratched his head, and shook it, and looked at the +teapot, and gradually got out of the room. John Westlock, taking a +chair, sat down on one side of Mrs Gamp. Martin, taking the foot of the +bed, supported her on the other. + +'You wonder what we want, I daresay,' observed John. 'I'll tell you +presently, when you have recovered. It's not pressing, for a few minutes +or so. How do you find yourself? Better?' + +Mrs Gamp shed more tears, shook her head and feebly pronounced Mrs +Harris's name. + +'Have a little--' John was at a loss what to call it. + +'Tea,' suggested Martin. + +'It ain't tea,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Physic of some sort, I suppose,' cried John. 'Have a little.' + +Mrs Gamp was prevailed upon to take a glassful. 'On condition,' she +passionately observed, 'as Betsey never has another stroke of work from +me.' + +'Certainly not,' said John. 'She shall never help to nurse ME.' + +'To think,' said Mrs Gamp, 'as she should ever have helped to nuss that +friend of yourn, and been so near of hearing things that--Ah!' + +John looked at Martin. + +'Yes,' he said. 'That was a narrow escape, Mrs Gamp.' + +'Narrer, in-deed!' she returned. 'It was only my having the night, and +hearin' of him in his wanderins; and her the day, that saved it. Wot +would she have said and done, if she had know'd what I know; that +perfeejus wretch! Yet, oh good gracious me!' cried Mrs Gamp, trampling +on the floor, in the absence of Mrs Prig, 'that I should hear from that +same woman's lips what I have heerd her speak of Mrs Harris!' + +'Never mind,' said John. 'You know it is not true.' + +'Isn't true!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'True! Don't I know as that dear woman +is expecting of me at this minnit, Mr Westlock, and is a-lookin' out of +window down the street, with little Tommy Harris in her arms, as calls +me his own Gammy, and truly calls, for bless the mottled little legs +of that there precious child (like Canterbury Brawn his own dear father +says, which so they are) his own I have been, ever since I found him, +Mr Westlock, with his small red worsted shoe a-gurglin' in his throat, +where he had put it in his play, a chick, wile they was leavin' of +him on the floor a-lookin' for it through the ouse and him a-choakin' +sweetly in the parlour! Oh, Betsey Prig, what wickedness you've showed +this night, but never shall you darken Sairey's doors agen, you twining +serpiant!' + +'You were always so kind to her, too!' said John, consolingly. + +'That's the cutting part. That's where it hurts me, Mr Westlock,' Mrs +Gamp replied; holding out her glass unconsciously, while Martin filled +it. + +'Chosen to help you with Mr Lewsome!' said John. 'Chosen to help you +with Mr Chuffey!' + +'Chose once, but chose no more,' cried Mrs Gamp. 'No pardnership with +Betsey Prig agen, sir!' + +'No, no,' said John. 'That would never do.' + +'I don't know as it ever would have done, sir,' Mrs Gamp replied, with +a solemnity peculiar to a certain stage of intoxication. 'Now that the +marks,' by which Mrs Gamp is supposed to have meant mask, 'is off +that creetur's face, I do not think it ever would have done. There +are reagions in families for keeping things a secret, Mr Westlock, and +havin' only them about you as you knows you can repoge in. Who could +repoge in Betsey Prig, arter her words of Mrs Harris, setting in that +chair afore my eyes!' + +'Quite true,' said John; 'quite. I hope you have time to find another +assistant, Mrs Gamp?' + +Between her indignation and the teapot, her powers of comprehending what +was said to her began to fail. She looked at John with tearful eyes, and +murmuring the well-remembered name which Mrs Prig had challenged--as if +it were a talisman against all earthly sorrows--seemed to wander in her +mind. + +'I hope,' repeated John, 'that you have time to find another assistant?' + +'Which short it is, indeed,' cried Mrs Gamp, turning up her languid +eyes, and clasping Mr Westlock's wrist with matronly affection. +'To-morrow evenin', sir, I waits upon his friends. Mr Chuzzlewit apinted +it from nine to ten.' + +'From nine to ten,' said John, with a significant glance at Martin. 'and +then Mr Chuffey retires into safe keeping, does he?' + +'He needs to be kep safe, I do assure you,' Mrs Gamp replied with a +mysterious air. 'Other people besides me has had a happy deliverance +from Betsey Prig. I little know'd that woman. She'd have let it out!' + +'Let HIM out, you mean,' said John. + +'Do I!' retorted Mrs Gamp. 'Oh!' + +The severely ironical character of this reply was strengthened by a very +slow nod, and a still slower drawing down of the corners of Mrs Gamp's +mouth. She added with extreme stateliness of manner after indulging in a +short doze: + +'But I am a-keepin' of you gentlemen, and time is precious.' + +Mingling with that delusion of the teapot which inspired her with +the belief that they wanted her to go somewhere immediately, a shrewd +avoidance of any further reference to the topics into which she had +lately strayed, Mrs Gamp rose; and putting away the teapot in its +accustomed place, and locking the cupboard with much gravity proceeded +to attire herself for a professional visit. + +This preparation was easily made, as it required nothing more than +the snuffy black bonnet, the snuffy black shawl, the pattens and +the indispensable umbrella, without which neither a lying-in nor a +laying-out could by any possibility be attempted. When Mrs Gamp had +invested herself with these appendages she returned to her chair, and +sitting down again, declared herself quite ready. + +'It's a 'appiness to know as one can benefit the poor sweet creetur,' +she observed, 'I'm sure. It isn't all as can. The torters Betsey Prig +inflicts is frightful!' + +Closing her eyes as she made this remark, in the acuteness of her +commiseration for Betsey's patients, she forgot to open them again until +she dropped a patten. Her nap was also broken at intervals like the +fabled slumbers of Friar Bacon, by the dropping of the other patten, +and of the umbrella. But when she had got rid of those incumbrances, her +sleep was peaceful. + +The two young men looked at each other, ludicrously enough; and Martin, +stifling his disposition to laugh, whispered in John Westlock's ear, + +'What shall we do now?' + +'Stay here,' he replied. + +Mrs Gamp was heard to murmur 'Mrs Harris' in her sleep. + +'Rely upon it,' whispered John, looking cautiously towards her, 'that +you shall question this old clerk, though you go as Mrs Harris herself. +We know quite enough to carry her our own way now, at all events; thanks +to this quarrel, which confirms the old saying that when rogues fall +out, honest people get what they want. Let Jonas Chuzzlewit look to +himself; and let her sleep as long as she likes. We shall gain our end +in good time.' + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY + +SURPRISES TOM PINCH VERY MUCH, AND SHOWS HOW CERTAIN CONFIDENCES PASSED +BETWEEN HIM AND HIS SISTER + + +It was the next evening; and Tom and his sister were sitting together +before tea, talking, in their usual quiet way, about a great many +things, but not at all about Lewsome's story or anything connected with +it; for John Westlock--really John, for so young a man, was one of the +most considerate fellows in the world--had particularly advised Tom not +to mention it to his sister just yet, in case it should disquiet her. +'And I wouldn't, Tom,' he said, with a little hesitation, 'I wouldn't +have a shadow on her happy face, or an uneasy thought in her gentle +heart, for all the wealth and honours of the universe!' Really John was +uncommonly kind; extraordinarily kind. If he had been her father, Tom +said, he could not have taken a greater interest in her. + +But although Tom and his sister were extremely conversational, they were +less lively, and less cheerful, than usual. Tom had no idea that this +originated with Ruth, but took it for granted that he was rather dull +himself. In truth he was; for the lightest cloud upon the Heaven of her +quiet mind, cast its shadow upon Tom. + +And there was a cloud on little Ruth that evening. Yes, indeed. When Tom +was looking in another direction, her bright eyes, stealing on towards +his face, would sparkle still more brightly than their custom was, and +then grow dim. When Tom was silent, looking out upon the summer weather, +she would sometimes make a hasty movement, as if she were about to throw +herself upon his neck; then check the impulse, and when he looked +round, show a laughing face, and speak to him very merrily; when she had +anything to give Tom, or had any excuse for coming near him, she would +flutter about him, and lay her bashful hand upon his shoulder, and not +be willing to withdraw it; and would show by all such means that there +was something on her heart which in her great love she longed to say to +him, but had not the courage to utter. + +So they were sitting, she with her work before her, but not working, and +Tom with his book beside him, but not reading, when Martin knocked +at the door. Anticipating who it was, Tom went to open it; and he and +Martin came back into the room together. Tom looked surprised, for in +answer to his cordial greeting Martin had hardly spoken a word. + +Ruth also saw that there was something strange in the manner of their +visitor, and raised her eyes inquiringly to Tom's face, as if she were +seeking an explanation there. Tom shook his head, and made the same mute +appeal to Martin. + +Martin did not sit down but walked up to the window, and stood there +looking out. He turned round after a few moments to speak, but hastily +averted his head again, without doing so. + +'What has happened, Martin?' Tom anxiously inquired. 'My dear fellow, +what bad news do you bring?' + +'Oh, Tom!' replied Martin, in a tone of deep reproach. 'To hear you +feign that interest in anything that happens to me, hurts me even more +than your ungenerous dealing.' + +'My ungenerous dealing! Martin! My--' Tom could say no more. + +'How could you, Tom, how could you suffer me to thank you so fervently +and sincerely for your friendship; and not tell me, like a man, that you +had deserted me! Was it true, Tom! Was it honest! Was it worthy of what +you used to be--of what I am sure you used to be--to tempt me, when you +had turned against me, into pouring out my heart! Oh, Tom!' + +His tone was one of such strong injury and yet of so much grief for the +loss of a friend he had trusted in--it expressed such high past love +for Tom, and so much sorrow and compassion for his supposed +unworthiness--that Tom, for a moment, put his hand before his face, and +had no more power of justifying himself, than if he had been a monster +of deceit and falsehood. + +'I protest, as I must die,' said Martin, 'that I grieve over the loss +of what I thought you; and have no anger in the recollection of my own +injuries. It is only at such a time, and after such a discovery, that we +know the full measure of our old regard for the subject of it. I swear, +little as I showed it--little as I know I showed it--that when I had the +least consideration for you, Tom, I loved you like a brother.' + +Tom was composed by this time, and might have been the Spirit of Truth, +in a homely dress--it very often wears a homely dress, thank God!--when +he replied to him. + +'Martin,' he said, 'I don't know what is in your mind, or who has abused +it, or by what extraordinary means. But the means are false. There is +no truth whatever in the impression under which you labour. It is a +delusion from first to last; and I warn you that you will deeply regret +the wrong you do me. I can honestly say that I have been true to you, +and to myself. You will be very sorry for this. Indeed, you will be very +sorry for it, Martin.' + +'I AM sorry,' returned Martin, shaking his head. 'I think I never knew +what it was to be sorry in my heart, until now.' + +'At least,' said Tom, 'if I had always been what you charge me with +being now, and had never had a place in your regard, but had always been +despised by you, and had always deserved it, you should tell me in what +you have found me to be treacherous; and on what grounds you proceed. I +do not intreat you, therefore, to give me that satisfaction as a favour, +Martin, but I ask it of you as a right.' + +'My own eyes are my witnesses,' returned Martin. 'Am I to believe them?' + +'No,' said Tom, calmly. 'Not if they accuse me.' + +'Your own words. Your own manner,' pursued Martin. 'Am I to believe +THEM?' + +'No,' replied Tom, calmly. 'Not if they accuse me. But they never have +accused me. Whoever has perverted them to such a purpose, has wronged +me almost as cruelly'--his calmness rather failed him here--'as you have +done.' + +'I came here,' said Martin; 'and I appeal to your good sister to hear +me--' + +'Not to her,' interrupted Tom. 'Pray, do not appeal to her. She will +never believe you.' + +He drew her arm through his own, as he said it. + +'I believe it, Tom!' + +'No, no,' cried Tom, 'of course not. I said so. Why, tut, tut, tut. What +a silly little thing you are!' + +'I never meant,' said Martin, hastily, 'to appeal to you against your +brother. Do not think me so unmanly and unkind. I merely appealed to you +to hear my declaration, that I came here for no purpose of reproach--I +have not one reproach to vent--but in deep regret. You could not know in +what bitterness of regret, unless you knew how often I have thought of +Tom; how long in almost hopeless circumstances, I have looked forward +to the better estimation of his friendship; and how steadfastly I have +believed and trusted in him.' + +'Tut, tut,' said Tom, stopping her as she was about to speak. 'He is +mistaken. He is deceived. Why should you mind? He is sure to be set +right at last.' + +'Heaven bless the day that sets me right!' cried Martin, 'if it could +ever come!' + +'Amen!' said Tom. 'And it will!' + +Martin paused, and then said in a still milder voice: + +'You have chosen for yourself, Tom, and will be relieved by our parting. +It is not an angry one. There is no anger on my side--' + +'There is none on mine,' said Tom. + +'--It is merely what you have brought about, and worked to bring about. +I say again, you have chosen for yourself. You have made the choice that +might have been expected in most people situated as you are, but which I +did not expect in you. For that, perhaps, I should blame my own judgment +more than you. There is wealth and favour worth having, on one side; and +there is the worthless friendship of an abandoned, struggling fellow, on +the other. You were free to make your election, and you made it; and the +choice was not difficult. But those who have not the courage to resist +such temptations, should have the courage to avow what they have yielded +to them; and I DO blame you for this, Tom: that you received me with a +show of warmth, encouraged me to be frank and plain-spoken, tempted me +to confide in you, and professed that you were able to be mine; when +you had sold yourself to others. I do not believe,' said Martin, with +emotion--'hear me say it from my heart--I CANNOT believe, Tom, now that +I am standing face to face with you, that it would have been in your +nature to do me any serious harm, even though I had not discovered, by +chance, in whose employment you were. But I should have encumbered you; +I should have led you into more double-dealing; I should have hazarded +your retaining the favour for which you have paid so high a price, +bartering away your former self; and it is best for both of us that I +have found out what you so much desired to keep secret.' + +'Be just,' said Tom; who, had not removed his mild gaze from Martin's +face since the commencement of this last address; 'be just even in +your injustice, Martin. You forget. You have not yet told me what your +accusation is!' + +'Why should I?' returned Martin, waving his hand, and moving towards +the door. 'You could not know it the better for my dwelling on it, and +though it would be really none the worse, it might seem to me to be. +No, Tom. Bygones shall be bygones between us. I can take leave of you +at this moment, and in this place--in which you are so amiable and so +good--as heartily, if not as cheerfully, as ever I have done since we +first met. All good go with you, Tom!--I--' + +'You leave me so? You can leave me so, can you?' said Tom. + +'I--you--you have chosen for yourself, Tom! I--I hope it was a rash +choice,' Martin faltered. 'I think it was. I am sure it was! Good-bye!' + +And he was gone. + +Tom led his little sister to her chair, and sat down in his own. He took +his book, and read, or seemed to read. Presently he said aloud, turning +a leaf as he spoke: 'He will be very sorry for this.' And a tear stole +down his face, and dropped upon the page. + +Ruth nestled down beside him on her knees, and clasped her arms about +his neck. + +'No, Tom! No, no! Be comforted! Dear Tom!' + +'I am quite--comforted,' said Tom. 'It will be set right.' + +'Such a cruel, bad return!' cried Ruth. + +'No, no,' said Tom. 'He believes it. I cannot imagine why. But it will +be set right.' + +More closely yet, she nestled down about him; and wept as if her heart +would break. + +'Don't. Don't,' said Tom. 'Why do you hide your face, my dear!' + +Then in a burst of tears, it all broke out at last. + +'Oh Tom, dear Tom, I know your secret heart. I have found it out; you +couldn't hide the truth from me. Why didn't you tell me? I am sure I +could have made you happier, if you had! You love her, Tom, so dearly!' + +Tom made a motion with his hand as if he would have put his sister +hurriedly away; but it clasped upon hers, and all his little history +was written in the action. All its pathetic eloquence was in the silent +touch. + +'In spite of that,' said Ruth, 'you have been so faithful and so good, +dear; in spite of that, you have been so true and self-denying, and have +struggled with yourself; in spite of that, you have been so gentle, +and so kind, and even-tempered, that I have never seen you give a hasty +look, or heard you say one irritable word. In spite of all, you have +been so cruelly mistaken. Oh Tom, dear Tom, will THIS be set right too! +Will it, Tom? Will you always have this sorrow in your breast; you who +deserve to be so happy; or is there any hope?' + +And still she hid her face from Tom, and clasped him round the neck, +and wept for him, and poured out all her woman's heart and soul in the +relief and pain of this disclosure. + +It was not very long before she and Tom were sitting side by side, and +she was looking with an earnest quietness in Tom's face. Then Tom spoke +to her thus, cheerily, though gravely: + +'I am very glad, my dear, that this has passed between us. Not because +it assures me of your tender affection (for I was well assured of that +before), but because it relieves my mind of a great weight.' + +Tom's eyes glistened when he spoke of her affection; and he kissed her +on the cheek. + +'My dear girl,' said Tom; 'with whatever feeling I regard her'--they +seemed to avoid the name by mutual consent--'I have long ago--I am sure +I may say from the very first--looked upon it as a dream. As something +that might possibly have happened under very different circumstances, +but which can never be. Now, tell me. What would you have set right?' + +She gave Tom such a significant little look, that he was obliged to take +it for an answer whether he would or no; and to go on. + +'By her own choice and free consent, my love, she is betrothed to +Martin; and was, long before either of them knew of my existence. You +would have her betrothed to me?' + +'Yes,' she said directly. + +'Yes,' rejoined Tom, 'but that might be setting it wrong, instead of +right. Do you think,' said Tom, with a grave smile, 'that even if she +had never seen him, it is very likely she would have fallen in love with +Me?' + +'Why not, dear Tom?' + +Tom shook his head, and smiled again. + +'You think of me, Ruth,' said Tom, 'and it is very natural that you +should, as if I were a character in a book; and you make it a sort of +poetical justice that I should, by some impossible means or other, come, +at last, to marry the person I love. But there is a much higher justice +than poetical justice, my dear, and it does not order events upon the +same principle. Accordingly, people who read about heroes in books, and +choose to make heroes of themselves out of books, consider it a very +fine thing to be discontented and gloomy, and misanthropical, and +perhaps a little blasphemous, because they cannot have everything +ordered for their individual accommodation. Would you like me to become +one of that sort of people?' + +'No, Tom. But still I know,' she added timidly, 'that this is a sorrow +to you in your own better way.' + +Tom thought of disputing the position. But it would have been mere +folly, and he gave it up. + +'My dear,' said Tom, 'I will repay your affection with the Truth and all +the Truth. It is a sorrow to me. I have proved it to be so sometimes, +though I have always striven against it. But somebody who is precious to +you may die, and you may dream that you are in heaven with the departed +spirit, and you may find it a sorrow to wake to the life on earth, which +is no harder to be borne than when you fell asleep. It is sorrowful to +me to contemplate my dream which I always knew was a dream, even when +it first presented itself; but the realities about me are not to blame. +They are the same as they were. My sister, my sweet companion, who makes +this place so dear, is she less devoted to me, Ruth, than she would +have been, if this vision had never troubled me? My old friend John, who +might so easily have treated me with coldness and neglect, is he less +cordial to me? The world about me, is there less good in that? Are my +words to be harsh and my looks to be sour, and is my heart to grow cold, +because there has fallen in my way a good and beautiful creature, who +but for the selfish regret that I cannot call her my own, would, like +all other good and beautiful creatures, make me happier and better! +No, my dear sister. No,' said Tom stoutly. 'Remembering all my means of +happiness, I hardly dare to call this lurking something a sorrow; but +whatever name it may justly bear, I thank Heaven that it renders me more +sensible of affection and attachment, and softens me in fifty ways. Not +less happy. Not less happy, Ruth!' + +She could not speak to him, but she loved him, as he well deserved. Even +as he deserved, she loved him. + +'She will open Martin's eyes,' said Tom, with a glow of pride, 'and that +(which is indeed wrong) will be set right. Nothing will persuade her, I +know, that I have betrayed him. It will be set right through her, and he +will be very sorry for it. Our secret, Ruth, is our own, and lives and +dies with us. I don't believe I ever could have told it you,' said Tom, +with a smile, 'but how glad I am to think you have found it out!' + +They had never taken such a pleasant walk as they took that night. Tom +told her all so freely and so simply, and was so desirous to return +her tenderness with his fullest confidence, that they prolonged it far +beyond their usual hour, and sat up late when they came home. And +when they parted for the night there was such a tranquil, beautiful +expression in Tom's face, that she could not bear to shut it out, but +going back on tiptoe to his chamber-door, looked in and stood there till +he saw her, and then embracing him again, withdrew. And in her prayers +and in her sleep--good times to be remembered with such fervour, +Tom!--his name was uppermost. + +When he was left alone, Tom pondered very much on this discovery of +hers, and greatly wondered what had led her to it. 'Because,' thought +Tom, 'I have been so very careful. It was foolish and unnecessary in +me, as I clearly see now, when I am so relieved by her knowing it; but I +have been so very careful to conceal it from her. Of course I knew that +she was intelligent and quick, and for that reason was more upon my +guard; but I was not in the least prepared for this. I am sure her +discovery has been sudden too. Dear me!' said Tom. 'It's a most singular +instance of penetration!' + +Tom could not get it out of his head. There it was, when his head was on +his pillow. + +'How she trembled when she began to tell me she knew it!' thought Tom, +recalling all the little incidents and circumstances; 'and how her +face flushed! But that was natural! Oh, quite natural! That needs no +accounting for.' + +Tom little thought how natural it was. Tom little knew that there was +that in Ruth's own heart, but newly set there, which had helped her to +the reading of his mystery. Ah, Tom! He didn't understand the whispers +of the Temple Fountain, though he passed it every day. + +Who so lively and cheerful as busy Ruth next morning! Her early tap at +Tom's door, and her light foot outside, would have been music to him +though she had not spoken. But she said it was the brightest morning +ever seen; and so it was; and if it had been otherwise, she would have +made it so to Tom. + +She was ready with his neat breakfast when he went downstairs, and had +her bonnet ready for the early walk, and was so full of news, that Tom +was lost in wonder. She might have been up all night, collecting it for +his entertainment. There was Mr Nadgett not come home yet, and there was +bread down a penny a loaf, and there was twice as much strength in this +tea as in the last, and the milk-woman's husband had come out of the +hospital cured, and the curly-headed child over the way had been lost +all yesterday, and she was going to make all sorts of preserves in a +desperate hurry, and there happened to be a saucepan in the house which +was the very saucepan for the purpose; and she knew all about the last +book Tom had brought home, all through, though it was a teaser to read; +and she had so much to tell him that she had finished breakfast first. +Then she had her little bonnet on, and the tea and sugar locked up, and +the keys in her reticule, and the flower, as usual, in Tom's coat, and +was in all respects quite ready to accompany him, before Tom knew she +had begun to prepare. And in short, as Tom said, with a confidence in +his own assertion which amounted to a defiance of the public in general, +there never was such a little woman. + +She made Tom talkative. It was impossible to resist her. She put such +enticing questions to him; about books, and about dates of churches, +and about organs and about the Temple, and about all kinds of things. +Indeed, she lightened the way (and Tom's heart with it) to that degree, +that the Temple looked quite blank and solitary when he parted from her +at the gate. + +'No Mr Fips's friend to-day, I suppose,' thought Tom, as he ascended the +stairs. + +Not yet, at any rate, for the door was closed as usual, and Tom opened +it with his key. He had got the books into perfect order now, and +had mended the torn leaves, and had pasted up the broken backs, and +substituted neat labels for the worn-out letterings. It looked a +different place, it was so orderly and neat. Tom felt some pride in +comtemplating the change he had wrought, though there was no one to +approve or disapprove of it. + +He was at present occupied in making a fair copy of his draught of +the catalogue; on which, as there was no hurry, he was painfully +concentrating all the ingenious and laborious neatness he had ever +expended on map or plan in Mr Pecksniff's workroom. It was a very marvel +of a catalogue; for Tom sometimes thought he was really getting his +money too easily, and he had determined within himself that this +document should take a little of his superfluous leisure out of him. + +So with pens and ruler, and compasses and india-rubber, and pencil, and +black ink, and red ink, Tom worked away all the morning. He thought a +good deal about Martin, and their interview of yesterday, and would have +been far easier in his mind if he could have resolved to confide it +to his friend John, and to have taken his opinion on the subject. +But besides that he knew what John's boiling indignation would be, he +bethought himself that he was helping Martin now in a matter of great +moment, and that to deprive the latter of his assistance at such a +crisis of affairs, would be to inflict a serious injury upon him. + +'So I'll keep it to myself,' said Tom, with a sigh. 'I'll keep it to +myself.' + +And to work he went again, more assiduously than ever, with the pens, +and the ruler, and the india-rubber, and the pencils, and the red ink, +that he might forget it. + +He had laboured away another hour or more, when he heard a footstep in +the entry, down below. + +'Ah!' said Tom, looking towards the door; 'time was, not long ago +either, when that would have set me wondering and expecting. But I have +left off now.' + +The footstep came on, up the stairs. + +'Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight,' said Tom, counting. 'Now +you'll stop. Nobody ever comes past the thirty-eighth stair.' + +The person did, certainly, but only to take breath; for up the footstep +came again. Forty, forty-one, forty-two, and so on. + +The door stood open. As the tread advanced, Tom looked impatiently and +eagerly towards it. When a figure came upon the landing, and arriving +in the doorway, stopped and gazed at him, he rose up from his chair, and +half believed he saw a spirit. + +Old Martin Chuzzlewit! The same whom he had left at Mr Pecksniff's, weak +and sinking! + +The same? No, not the same, for this old man, though old, was strong, +and leaned upon his stick with a vigorous hand, while with the other +he signed to Tom to make no noise. One glance at the resolute face, the +watchful eye, the vigorous hand upon the staff, the triumphant purpose +in the figure, and such a light broke in on Tom as blinded him. + +'You have expected me,' said Martin, 'a long time.' + +'I was told that my employer would arrive soon,' said Tom; 'but--' + +'I know. You were ignorant who he was. It was my desire. I am glad it +has been so well observed. I intended to have been with you much sooner. +I thought the time had come. I thought I could know no more, and no +worse, of him, than I did on that day when I saw you last. But I was +wrong.' + +He had by this time come up to Tom, and now he grasped his hand. + +'I have lived in his house, Pinch, and had him fawning on me days and +weeks and months. You know it. I have suffered him to treat me like +his tool and instrument. You know it; you have seen me there. I have +undergone ten thousand times as much as I could have endured if I had +been the miserable weak old man he took me for. You know it. I have seen +him offer love to Mary. You know it; who better--who better, my true +heart! I have had his base soul bare before me, day by day, and have not +betrayed myself once. I never could have undergone such torture but for +looking forward to this time.' + +He stopped, even in the passion of his speech--if that can be called +passion which was so resolute and steady--to press Tom's hand again. +Then he said, in great excitement: + +'Close the door, close the door. He will not be long after me, but +may come too soon. The time now drawing on,' said the old man, +hurriedly--his eyes and whole face brightening as he spoke--'will make +amends for all. I wouldn't have him die or hang himself, for millions of +golden pieces! Close the door!' + +Tom did so; hardly knowing yet whether he was awake or in a dream. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE + +SHEDS NEW AND BRIGHTER LIGHT UPON THE VERY DARK PLACE; AND CONTAINS THE +SEQUEL OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND + + +The night had now come, when the old clerk was to be delivered over +to his keepers. In the midst of his guilty distractions, Jonas had not +forgotten it. + +It was a part of his guilty state of mind to remember it; for on his +persistence in the scheme depended one of his precautions for his own +safety. A hint, a word, from the old man, uttered at such a moment in +attentive ears, might fire the train of suspicion, and destroy him. His +watchfulness of every avenue by which the discovery of his guilt might +be approached, sharpened with his sense of the danger by which he was +encompassed. With murder on his soul, and its innumerable alarms and +terrors dragging at him night and day, he would have repeated the crime, +if he had seen a path of safety stretching out beyond. It was in his +punishment; it was in his guilty condition. The very deed which his +fears rendered insupportable, his fears would have impelled him to +commit again. + +But keeping the old man close, according to his design, would serve his +turn. His purpose was to escape, when the first alarm and wonder had +subsided; and when he could make the attempt without awakening instant +suspicion. In the meanwhile these women would keep him quiet; and if +the talking humour came upon him, would not be easily startled. He knew +their trade. + +Nor had he spoken idly when he said the old man should be gagged. He had +resolved to ensure his silence; and he looked to the end, not the means. +He had been rough and rude and cruel to the old man all his life; and +violence was natural to his mind in connection with him. 'He shall be +gagged if he speaks, and pinioned if he writes,' said Jonas, looking at +him; for they sat alone together. 'He is mad enough for that; I'll go +through with it!' + +Hush! + +Still listening! To every sound. He had listened ever since, and it +had not come yet. The exposure of the Assurance office; the flight of +Crimple and Bullamy with the plunder, and among the rest, as he feared, +with his own bill, which he had not found in the pocket-book of the +murdered man, and which with Mr Pecksniff's money had probably been +remitted to one or other of those trusty friends for safe deposit at the +banker's; his immense losses, and peril of being still called to account +as a partner in the broken firm; all these things rose in his mind at +one time and always, but he could not contemplate them. He was aware of +their presence, and of the rage, discomfiture, and despair, they brought +along with them; but he thought--of his own controlling power and +direction he thought--of the one dread question only. When they would +find the body in the wood. + +He tried--he had never left off trying--not to forget it was there, for +that was impossible, but to forget to weary himself by drawing vivid +pictures of it in his fancy; by going softly about it and about it +among the leaves, approaching it nearer and nearer through a gap in the +boughs, and startling the very flies that were thickly sprinkled all +over it, like heaps of dried currants. His mind was fixed and fastened +on the discovery, for intelligence of which he listened intently to +every cry and shout; listened when any one came in or went out; watched +from the window the people who passed up and down the street; mistrusted +his own looks and words. And the more his thoughts were set upon the +discovery, the stronger was the fascination which attracted them to +the thing itself; lying alone in the wood. He was for ever showing and +presenting it, as it were, to every creature whom he saw. 'Look here! +Do you know of this? Is it found? Do you suspect ME?' If he had been +condemned to bear the body in his arms, and lay it down for recognition +at the feet of every one he met, it could not have been more constantly +with him, or a cause of more monotonous and dismal occupation than it +was in this state of his mind. + +Still he was not sorry. It was no contrition or remorse for what he had +done that moved him; it was nothing but alarm for his own security. The +vague consciousness he possessed of having wrecked his fortune in the +murderous venture, intensified his hatred and revenge, and made him set +the greater store by what he had gained The man was dead; nothing could +undo that. He felt a triumph yet, in the reflection. + +He had kept a jealous watch on Chuffey ever since the deed; seldom +leaving him but on compulsion, and then for as short intervals as +possible. They were alone together now. It was twilight, and the +appointed time drew near at hand. Jonas walked up and down the room. The +old man sat in his accustomed corner. + +The slightest circumstance was matter of disquiet to the murderer, and +he was made uneasy at this time by the absence of his wife, who had left +home early in the afternoon, and had not returned yet. No tenderness +for her was at the bottom of this; but he had a misgiving that she +might have been waylaid, and tempted into saying something that would +criminate him when the news came. For anything he knew, she might have +knocked at the door of his room, while he was away, and discovered his +plot. Confound her, it was like her pale face to be wandering up and +down the house! Where was she now? + +'She went to her good friend, Mrs Todgers,' said the old man, when he +asked the question with an angry oath. + +Aye! To be sure! Always stealing away into the company of that woman. +She was no friend of his. Who could tell what devil's mischief they +might hatch together! Let her be fetched home directly. + +The old man, muttering some words softly, rose as if he would have gone +himself, but Jonas thrust him back into his chair with an impatient +imprecation, and sent a servant-girl to fetch her. When he had charged +her with her errand he walked to and fro again, and never stopped till +she came back, which she did pretty soon; the way being short, and the +woman having made good haste. + +Well! Where was she? Had she come? + +No. She had left there, full three hours. + +'Left there! Alone?' + +The messenger had not asked; taking that for granted. + +'Curse you for a fool. Bring candles!' + +She had scarcely left the room when the old clerk, who had been +unusually observant of him ever since he had asked about his wife, came +suddenly upon him. + +'Give her up!' cried the old man. 'Come! Give her up to me! Tell me what +you have done with her. Quick! I have made no promises on that score. +Tell me what you have done with her.' + +He laid his hands upon his collar as he spoke, and grasped it; tightly +too. + +'You shall not leave me!' cried the old man. 'I am strong enough to cry +out to the neighbours, and I will, unless you give her up. Give her up +to me!' + +Jonas was so dismayed and conscience-stricken, that he had not even +hardihood enough to unclench the old man's hands with his own; but stood +looking at him as well as he could in the darkness, without moving a +finger. It was as much as he could do to ask him what he meant. + +'I will know what you have done with her!' retorted Chuffey. 'If you +hurt a hair of her head, you shall answer it. Poor thing! Poor thing! +Where is she?' + +'Why, you old madman!' said Jonas, in a low voice, and with trembling +lips. 'What Bedlam fit has come upon you now?' + +'It is enough to make me mad, seeing what I have seen in this house!' +cried Chuffey. 'Where is my dear old master! Where is his only son that +I have nursed upon my knee, a child! Where is she, she who was the last; +she that I've seen pining day by day, and heard weeping in the dead of +night! She was the last, the last of all my friends! Heaven help me, she +was the very last!' + +Seeing that the tears were stealing down his face, Jonas mustered +courage to unclench his hands, and push him off before he answered: + +'Did you hear me ask for her? Did you hear me send for her? How can I +give you up what I haven't got, idiot! Ecod, I'd give her up to you and +welcome, if I could; and a precious pair you'd be!' + +'If she has come to any harm,' cried Chuffey, 'mind! I'm old and silly; +but I have my memory sometimes; and if she has come to any harm--' + +'Devil take you,' interrupted Jonas, but in a suppressed voice still; +'what harm do you suppose she has come to? I know no more where she is +than you do; I wish I did. Wait till she comes home, and see; she can't +be long. Will that content you?' + +'Mind!' exclaimed the old man. 'Not a hair of her head! not a hair of +her head ill-used! I won't bear it. I--I--have borne it too long Jonas. +I am silent, but I--I--I can speak. I--I--I can speak--' he stammered, +as he crept back to his chair, and turned a threatening, though a +feeble, look upon him. + +'You can speak, can you!' thought Jonas. 'So, so, we'll stop your +speaking. It's well I knew of this in good time. Prevention is better +than cure.' + +He had made a poor show of playing the bully and evincing a desire to +conciliate at the same time, but was so afraid of the old man that +great drops had started out upon his brow; and they stood there yet. His +unusual tone of voice and agitated manner had sufficiently expressed his +fear; but his face would have done so now, without that aid, as he again +walked to and fro, glancing at him by the candelight. + +He stopped at the window to think. An opposite shop was lighted up; and +the tradesman and a customer were reading some printed bill together +across the counter. The sight brought him back, instantly, to the +occupation he had forgotten. 'Look here! Do you know of this? Is it +found? Do you suspect ME?' + +A hand upon the door. 'What's that!' + +'A pleasant evenin',' said the voice of Mrs Gamp, 'though warm, which, +bless you, Mr Chuzzlewit, we must expect when cowcumbers is three for +twopence. How does Mr Chuffey find his self to-night, sir?' + +Mrs Gamp kept particularly close to the door in saying this, and +curtseyed more than usual. She did not appear to be quite so much at her +ease as she generally was. + +'Get him to his room,' said Jonas, walking up to her, and speaking in +her ear. 'He has been raving to-night--stark mad. Don't talk while he's +here, but come down again.' + +'Poor sweet dear!' cried Mrs Gamp, with uncommon tenderness. 'He's all +of a tremble.' + +'Well he may be,' said Jonas, 'after the mad fit he has had. Get him +upstairs.' + +She was by this time assisting him to rise. + +'There's my blessed old chick!' cried Mrs Gamp, in a tone that was at +once soothing and encouraging. 'There's my darlin' Mr Chuffey! Now come +up to your own room, sir, and lay down on your bed a bit; for you're +a-shakin' all over, as if your precious jints was hung upon wires. +That's a good creetur! Come with Sairey!' + +'Is she come home?' inquired the old man. + +'She'll be here directly minit,' returned Mrs Gamp. 'Come with Sairey, +Mr Chuffey. Come with your own Sairey!' + +The good woman had no reference to any female in the world in promising +this speedy advent of the person for whom Mr Chuffey inquired, but +merely threw it out as a means of pacifying the old man. It had its +effect, for he permitted her to lead him away; and they quitted the room +together. + +Jonas looked out of the window again. They were still reading the +printed paper in the shop opposite, and a third man had joined in the +perusal. What could it be, to interest them so?' + +A dispute or discussion seemed to arise among them, for they all looked +up from their reading together, and one of the three, who had been +glancing over the shoulder of another, stepped back to explain or +illustrate some action by his gestures. + +Horror! How like the blow he had struck in the wood! + +It beat him from the window as if it had lighted on himself. As he +staggered into a chair, he thought of the change in Mrs Gamp exhibited +in her new-born tenderness to her charge. Was that because it was +found?--because she knew of it?--because she suspected him? + +'Mr Chuffey is a-lyin' down,' said Mrs Gamp, returning, 'and much good +may it do him, Mr Chuzzlewit, which harm it can't and good it may; be +joyful!' + +'Sit down,' said Jonas, hoarsely, 'and let us get this business done. +Where is the other woman?' + +'The other person's with him now,' she answered. + +'That's right,' said Jonas. 'He is not fit to be left to himself. Why, +he fastened on me to-night; here, upon my coat; like a savage dog. Old +as he is, and feeble as he is usually, I had some trouble to shake him +off. You--Hush!--It's nothing. You told me the other woman's name. I +forget it.' + +'I mentioned Betsey Prig,' said Mrs Gamp. + +'She is to be trusted, is she?' + +'That she ain't!' said Mrs Gamp; 'nor have I brought her, Mr Chuzzlewit. +I've brought another, which engages to give every satigefaction.' + +'What is her name?' asked Jonas. + +Mrs Gamp looked at him in an odd way without returning any answer, but +appeared to understand the question too. + +'What is her name?' repeated Jonas. + +'Her name,' said Mrs Gamp, 'is Harris.' + +It was extraordinary how much effort it cost Mrs Gamp to pronounce the +name she was commonly so ready with. She made some three or four gasps +before she could get it out; and, when she had uttered it, pressed her +hand upon her side, and turned up her eyes, as if she were going to +faint away. But, knowing her to labour under a complication of internal +disorders, which rendered a few drops of spirits indispensable at +certain times to her existence, and which came on very strong when that +remedy was not at hand, Jonas merely supposed her to be the victim of +one of these attacks. + +'Well!' he said, hastily, for he felt how incapable he was of confining +his wandering attention to the subject. 'You and she have arranged to +take care of him, have you?' + +Mrs Gamp replied in the affirmative, and softly discharged herself of +her familiar phrase, 'Turn and turn about; one off, one on.' But +she spoke so tremulously that she felt called upon to add, 'which +fiddle-strings is weakness to expredge my nerves this night!' + +Jonas stopped to listen. Then said, hurriedly: + +'We shall not quarrel about terms. Let them be the same as they were +before. Keep him close, and keep him quiet. He must be restrained. +He has got it in his head to-night that my wife's dead, and has been +attacking me as if I had killed her. It's--it's common with mad people +to take the worst fancies of those they like best. Isn't it?' + +Mrs Gamp assented with a short groan. + +'Keep him close, then, or in one of his fits he'll be doing me a +mischief. And don't trust him at any time; for when he seems most +rational, he's wildest in his talk. But that you know already. Let me +see the other.' + +'The t'other person, sir?' said Mrs Gamp. + +'Aye! Go you to him and send the other. Quick! I'm busy.' + +Mrs Gamp took two or three backward steps towards the door, and stopped +there. + +'It is your wishes, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, in a sort of quavering +croak, 'to see the t'other person. Is it?' + +But the ghastly change in Jonas told her that the other person was +already seen. Before she could look round towards the door, she was put +aside by old Martin's hand; and Chuffey and John Westlock entered with +him. + +'Let no one leave the house,' said Martin. 'This man is my brother's +son. Ill-met, ill-trained, ill-begotten. If he moves from the spot on +which he stands, or speaks a word above his breath to any person here, +open the window, and call for help!' + +'What right have you to give such directions in this house?' asked Jonas +faintly. + +'The right of your wrong-doing. Come in there!' + +An irrepressible exclamation burst from the lips of Jonas, as Lewsome +entered at the door. It was not a groan, or a shriek, or a word, but was +wholly unlike any sound that had ever fallen on the ears of those who +heard it, while at the same time it was the most sharp and terrible +expression of what was working in his guilty breast, that nature could +have invented. + +He had done murder for this! He had girdled himself about with perils, +agonies of mind, innumerable fears, for this! He had hidden his secret +in the wood; pressed and stamped it down into the bloody ground; and +here it started up when least expected, miles upon miles away; known to +many; proclaiming itself from the lips of an old man who had renewed his +strength and vigour as by a miracle, to give it voice against him! + +He leaned his hand on the back of a chair, and looked at them. It was +in vain to try to do so scornfully, or with his usual insolence. He +required the chair for his support. But he made a struggle for it. + +'I know that fellow,' he said, fetching his breath at every word, and +pointing his trembling finger towards Lewsome. 'He's the greatest liar +alive. What's his last tale? Ha, ha! You're rare fellows, too! Why, that +uncle of mine is childish; he's even a greater child than his brother, +my father, was, in his old age; or than Chuffey is. What the devil do +you mean,' he added, looking fiercely at John Westlock and Mark Tapley +(the latter had entered with Lewsome), 'by coming here, and bringing +two idiots and a knave with you to take my house by storm? Hallo, there! +Open the door! Turn these strangers out!' + +'I tell you what,' cried Mr Tapley, coming forward, 'if it wasn't +for your name, I'd drag you through the streets of my own accord, and +single-handed I would! Ah, I would! Don't try and look bold at me. +You can't do it! Now go on, sir,' this was to old Martin. 'Bring the +murderin' wagabond upon his knees! If he wants noise, he shall have +enough of it; for as sure as he's a shiverin' from head to foot I'll +raise a uproar at this winder that shall bring half London in. Go on, +sir! Let him try me once, and see whether I'm a man of my word or not.' + +With that, Mark folded his arms, and took his seat upon the +window-ledge, with an air of general preparation for anything, which +seemed to imply that he was equally ready to jump out himself, or to +throw Jonas out, upon receiving the slightest hint that it would be +agreeable to the company. + +Old Martin turned to Lewsome: + +'This is the man,' he said, extending his hand towards Jonas. 'Is it?' + +'You need do no more than look at him to be sure of that, or of the +truth of what I have said,' was the reply. 'He is my witness.' + +'Oh, brother!' cried old Martin, clasping his hands and lifting up his +eyes. 'Oh, brother, brother! Were we strangers half our lives that you +might breed a wretch like this, and I make life a desert by withering +every flower that grew about me! Is it the natural end of your precepts +and mine, that this should be the creature of your rearing, training, +teaching, hoarding, striving for; and I the means of bringing him to +punishment, when nothing can repair the wasted past!' + +He sat down upon a chair as he spoke, and turning away his face, was +silent for a few moments. Then with recovered energy he proceeded: + +'But the accursed harvest of our mistaken lives shall be trodden down. +It is not too late for that. You are confronted with this man, you +monster there; not to be spared, but to be dealt with justly. Hear what +he says! Reply, be silent, contradict, repeat, defy, do what you please. +My course will be the same. Go on! And you,' he said to Chuffey, 'for +the love of your old friend, speak out, good fellow!' + +'I have been silent for his love!' cried the old man. 'He urged me to +it. He made me promise it upon his dying bed. I never would have spoken, +but for your finding out so much. I have thought about it ever since; +I couldn't help that; and sometimes I have had it all before me in +a dream; but in the day-time, not in sleep. Is there such a kind of +dream?' said Chuffey, looking anxiously in old Martin's face. + +As Martin made him an encouraging reply, he listened attentively to his +voice, and smiled. + +'Ah, aye!' he cried. 'He often spoke to me like that. We were at school +together, he and I. I couldn't turn against his son, you know--his only +son, Mr Chuzzlewit!' + +'I would to Heaven you had been his son!' said Martin. + +'You speak so like my dear old master,' cried the old man with a +childish delight, 'that I almost think I hear him. I can hear you quite +as well as I used to hear him. It makes me young again. He never spoke +unkindly to me, and I always understood him. I could always see him too, +though my sight was dim. Well, well! He's dead, he's dead. He was very +good to me, my dear old master!' + +He shook his head mournfully over the brother's hand. At this moment +Mark, who had been glancing out of the window, left the room. + +'I couldn't turn against his only son, you know,' said Chuffey. 'He has +nearly driven me to do it sometimes; he very nearly did tonight. Ah!' +cried the old man, with a sudden recollection of the cause. 'Where is +she? She's not come home!' + +'Do you mean his wife?' said Mr Chuzzlewit. + +'Yes.' + +'I have removed her. She is in my care, and will be spared the present +knowledge of what is passing here. She has known misery enough, without +that addition.' + +Jonas heard this with a sinking heart. He knew that they were on his +heels, and felt that they were resolute to run him to destruction. Inch +by inch the ground beneath him was sliding from his feet; faster and +faster the encircling ruin contracted and contracted towards himself, +its wicked centre, until it should close in and crush him. + +And now he heard the voice of his accomplice stating to his face, +with every circumstance of time and place and incident; and openly +proclaiming, with no reserve, suppression, passion, or concealment; all +the truth. The truth, which nothing would keep down; which blood +would not smother, and earth would not hide; the truth, whose terrible +inspiration seemed to change dotards into strong men; and on whose +avenging wings, one whom he had supposed to be at the extremest corner +of the earth came swooping down upon him. + +He tried to deny it, but his tongue would not move. He conceived some +desperate thought of rushing away, and tearing through the streets; but +his limbs would as little answer to his will as his stark, stiff staring +face. All this time the voice went slowly on, denouncing him. It was as +if every drop of blood in the wood had found a voice to jeer him with. + +When it ceased, another voice took up the tale, but strangely; for the +old clerk, who had watched, and listened to the whole, and had wrung his +hands from time to time, as if he knew its truth and could confirm it, +broke in with these words: + +'No, no, no! you're wrong; you're wrong--all wrong together! Have +patience, for the truth is only known to me!' + +'How can that be,' said his old master's brother, 'after what you have +heard? Besides, you said just now, above-stairs, when I told you of the +accusation against him, that you knew he was his father's murderer.' + +'Aye, yes! and so he was!' cried Chuffey, wildly. 'But not as you +suppose--not as you suppose. Stay! Give me a moment's time. I have +it all here--all here! It was foul, foul, cruel, bad; but not as you +suppose. Stay, stay!' + +He put his hands up to his head, as if it throbbed or pained him. After +looking about him in a wandering and vacant manner for some moments, his +eyes rested upon Jonas, when they kindled up with sudden recollection +and intelligence. + +'Yes!' cried old Chuffey, 'yes! That's how it was. It's all upon me now. +He--he got up from his bed before he died, to be sure, to say that he +forgave him; and he came down with me into this room; and when he saw +him--his only son, the son he loved--his speech forsook him; he had +no speech for what he knew--and no one understood him except me. But I +did--I did!' + +Old Martin regarded him in amazement; so did his companions. Mrs Gamp, +who had said nothing yet; but had kept two-thirds of herself behind the +door, ready for escape, and one-third in the room, ready for siding with +the strongest party; came a little further in and remarked, with a sob, +that Mr Chuffey was 'the sweetest old creetur goin'.' + +'He bought the stuff,' said Chuffey, stretching out his arm towards +Jonas while an unwonted fire shone in his eye, and lightened up his +face; 'he bought the stuff, no doubt, as you have heard, and brought it +home. He mixed the stuff--look at him!--with some sweetmeat in a jar, +exactly as the medicine for his father's cough was mixed, and put it +in a drawer; in that drawer yonder in the desk; he knows which drawer +I mean! He kept it there locked up. But his courage failed him or his +heart was touched--my God! I hope it was his heart! He was his only +son!--and he did not put it in the usual place, where my old master +would have taken it twenty times a day.' + +The trembling figure of the old man shook with the strong emotions that +possessed him. But, with the same light in his eye, and with his arm +outstretched, and with his grey hair stirring on his head, he seemed to +grow in size, and was like a man inspired. Jonas shrunk from looking at +him, and cowered down into the chair by which he had held. It seemed as +if this tremendous Truth could make the dumb speak. + +'I know it every word now!' cried Chuffey. 'Every word! He put it in +that drawer, as I have said. He went so often there, and was so secret, +that his father took notice of it; and when he was out, had it opened. +We were there together, and we found the mixture--Mr Chuzzlewit and I. +He took it into his possession, and made light of it at the time; but in +the night he came to my bedside, weeping, and told me that his own son +had it in his mind to poison him. "Oh, Chuff," he said, "oh, dear old +Chuff! a voice came into my room to-night, and told me that this crime +began with me. It began when I taught him to be too covetous of what I +have to leave, and made the expectation of it his great business!" Those +were his words; aye, they are his very words! If he was a hard man now +and then, it was for his only son. He loved his only son, and he was +always good to me!' + +Jonas listened with increased attention. Hope was breaking in upon him. + +'"He shall not weary for my death, Chuff;" that was what he said next,' +pursued the old clerk, as he wiped his eyes; 'that was what he said +next, crying like a little child: "He shall not weary for my death, +Chuff. He shall have it now; he shall marry where he has a fancy, Chuff, +although it don't please me; and you and I will go away and live upon a +little. I always loved him; perhaps he'll love me then. It's a dreadful +thing to have my own child thirsting for my death. But I might have +known it. I have sown, and I must reap. He shall believe that I am +taking this; and when I see that he is sorry, and has all he wants, I'll +tell him that I found it out, and I'll forgive him. He'll make a better +man of his own son, and be a better man himself, perhaps, Chuff!"' + +Poor Chuffey paused to dry his eyes again. Old Martin's face was hidden +in his hands. Jonas listened still more keenly, and his breast heaved +like a swollen water, but with hope. With growing hope. + +'My dear old master made believe next day,' said Chuffey, 'that he had +opened the drawer by mistake with a key from the bunch, which happened +to fit it (we had one made and hung upon it); and that he had been +surprised to find his fresh supply of cough medicine in such a place, +but supposed it had been put there in a hurry when the drawer stood +open. We burnt it; but his son believed that he was taking it--he knows +he did. Once Mr Chuzzlewit, to try him, took heart to say it had a +strange taste; and he got up directly, and went out.' + +Jonas gave a short, dry cough; and, changing his position for an easier +one, folded his arms without looking at them, though they could now see +his face. + +'Mr Chuzzlewit wrote to her father; I mean the father of the poor thing +who's his wife,' said Chuffey; 'and got him to come up, intending to +hasten on the marriage. But his mind, like mine, went a little wrong +through grief, and then his heart broke. He sank and altered from the +time when he came to me in the night; and never held up his head again. +It was only a few days, but he had never changed so much in twice the +years. "Spare him, Chuff!" he said, before he died. They were the only +words he could speak. "Spare him, Chuff!" I promised him I would. I've +tried to do it. He's his only son.' + +On his recollection of the last scene in his old friend's life, poor +Chuffey's voice, which had grown weaker and weaker, quite deserted him. +Making a motion with his hand, as if he would have said that Anthony had +taken it, and had died with it in his, he retreated to the corner where +he usually concealed his sorrows; and was silent. + +Jonas could look at his company now, and vauntingly too. 'Well!' he +said, after a pause. 'Are you satisfied? or have you any more of your +plots to broach? Why that fellow, Lewsome, can invent 'em for you by the +score. Is this all? Have you nothing else?' + +Old Martin looked at him steadily. + +'Whether you are what you seemed to be at Pecksniff's, or are something +else and a mountebank, I don't know and I don't care,' said Jonas, +looking downward with a smile, 'but I don't want you here. You were here +so often when your brother was alive, and were always so fond of him +(your dear, dear brother, and you would have been cuffing one another +before this, ecod!), that I am not surprised at your being attached to +the place; but the place is not attached to you, and you can't leave it +too soon, though you may leave it too late. And for my wife, old man, +send her home straight, or it will be the worse for her. Ha, ha! You +carry it with a high hand, too! But it isn't hanging yet for a man to +keep a penn'orth of poison for his own purposes, and have it taken from +him by two old crazy jolter-heads who go and act a play about it. Ha, +ha! Do you see the door?' + +His base triumph, struggling with his cowardice, and shame, and guilt, +was so detestable, that they turned away from him, as if he were some +obscene and filthy animal, repugnant to the sight. And here that last +black crime was busy with him too; working within him to his perdition. +But for that, the old clerk's story might have touched him, though never +so lightly; but for that, the sudden removal of so great a load might +have brought about some wholesome change even in him. With that deed +done, however; with that unnecessary wasteful danger haunting him; +despair was in his very triumph and relief; wild, ungovernable, raging +despair, for the uselessness of the peril into which he had plunged; +despair that hardened him and maddened him, and set his teeth a-grinding +in a moment of his exultation. + +'My good friend!' said old Martin, laying his hand on Chuffey's sleeve. +'This is no place for you to remain in. Come with me.' + +'Just his old way!' cried Chuffey, looking up into his face. 'I almost +believe it's Mr Chuzzlewit alive again. Yes! Take me with you! Stay, +though, stay.' + +'For what?' asked old Martin. + +'I can't leave her, poor thing!' said Chuffey. 'She has been very good +to me. I can't leave her, Mr Chuzzlewit. Thank you kindly. I'll remain +here. I haven't long to remain; it's no great matter.' + +As he meekly shook his poor, grey head, and thanked old Martin in these +words, Mrs Gamp, now entirely in the room, was affected to tears. + +'The mercy as it is!' she said, 'as sech a dear, good, reverend creetur +never got into the clutches of Betsey Prig, which but for me he would +have done, undoubted; facts bein' stubborn and not easy drove!' + +'You heard me speak to you just now, old man,' said Jonas to his uncle. +'I'll have no more tampering with my people, man or woman. Do you see +the door?' + +'Do YOU see the door?' returned the voice of Mark, coming from that +direction. 'Look at it!' + +He looked, and his gaze was nailed there. Fatal, ill-omened blighted +threshold, cursed by his father's footsteps in his dying hour, cursed by +his young wife's sorrowing tread, cursed by the daily shadow of the old +clerk's figure, cursed by the crossing of his murderer's feet--what men +were standing in the door way! + +Nadgett foremost. + +Hark! It came on, roaring like a sea! Hawkers burst into the street, +crying it up and down; windows were thrown open that the inhabitants +might hear it; people stopped to listen in the road and on the pavement; +the bells, the same bells, began to ring; tumbling over one another in a +dance of boisterous joy at the discovery (that was the sound they had in +his distempered thoughts), and making their airy play-ground rock. + +'That is the man,' said Nadgett. 'By the window!' + +Three others came in, laid hands upon him, and secured him. It was so +quickly done, that he had not lost sight of the informer's face for an +instant when his wrists were manacled together. + +'Murder,' said Nadgett, looking round on the astonished group. 'Let no +one interfere.' + +The sounding street repeated Murder; barbarous and dreadful Murder. +Murder, Murder, Murder. Rolling on from house to house, and echoing from +stone to stone, until the voices died away into the distant hum, which +seemed to mutter the same word! + +They all stood silent: listening, and gazing in each other's faces, as +the noise passed on. + +Old Martin was the first to speak. 'What terrible history is this?' he +demanded. + +'Ask HIM,' said Nadgett. 'You're his friend, sir. He can tell you, if he +will. He knows more of it than I do, though I know much.' + +'How do you know much?' + +'I have not been watching him so long for nothing,' returned Nadgett. 'I +never watched a man so close as I have watched him.' + +Another of the phantom forms of this terrific Truth! Another of the many +shapes in which it started up about him, out of vacancy. This man, of +all men in the world, a spy upon him; this man, changing his identity; +casting off his shrinking, purblind, unobservant character, and +springing up into a watchful enemy! The dead man might have come out of +his grave, and not confounded and appalled him more. + +The game was up. The race was at an end; the rope was woven for his +neck. If, by a miracle, he could escape from this strait, he had but to +turn his face another way, no matter where, and there would rise some +new avenger front to front with him; some infant in an hour grown old, +or old man in an hour grown young, or blind man with his sight restored, +or deaf man with his hearing given him. There was no chance. He sank +down in a heap against the wall, and never hoped again from that moment. + +'I am not his friend, although I have the honour to be his relative,' +said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'You may speak to me. Where have you watched, and +what have you seen?' + +'I have watched in many places,' returned Nadgett, 'night and day. I +have watched him lately, almost without rest or relief;' his anxious +face and bloodshot eyes confirmed it. 'I little thought to what my +watching was to lead. As little as he did when he slipped out in the +night, dressed in those clothes which he afterwards sunk in a bundle at +London Bridge!' + +Jonas moved upon the ground like a man in bodily torture. He uttered a +suppressed groan, as if he had been wounded by some cruel weapon; and +plucked at the iron band upon his wrists, as though (his hands being +free) he would have torn himself. + +'Steady, kinsman!' said the chief officer of the party. 'Don't be +violent.' + +'Whom do you call kinsman?' asked old Martin sternly. + +'You,' said the man, 'among others.' + +Martin turned his scrutinizing gaze upon him. He was sitting lazily +across a chair with his arms resting on the back; eating nuts, and +throwing the shells out of window as he cracked them, which he still +continued to do while speaking. + +'Aye,' he said, with a sulky nod. 'You may deny your nephews till you +die; but Chevy Slyme is Chevy Slyme still, all the world over. Perhaps +even you may feel it some disgrace to your own blood to be employed in +this way. I'm to be bought off.' + +'At every turn!' cried Martin. 'Self, self, self. Every one among them +for himself!' + +'You had better save one or two among them the trouble then and be for +them as well as YOURself,' replied his nephew. 'Look here at me! Can you +see the man of your family who has more talent in his little finger than +all the rest in their united brains, dressed as a police officer without +being ashamed? I took up with this trade on purpose to shame you. I +didn't think I should have to make a capture in the family, though.' + +'If your debauchery, and that of your chosen friends, has really brought +you to this level,' returned the old man, 'keep it. You are living +honestly, I hope, and that's something.' + +'Don't be hard upon my chosen friends,' returned Slyme, 'for they were +sometimes your chosen friends too. Don't say you never employed my +friend Tigg, for I know better. We quarrelled upon it.' + +'I hired the fellow,' retorted Mr Chuzzlewit, 'and I paid him.' + +'It's well you paid him,' said his nephew, 'for it would be too late to +do so now. He has given his receipt in full; or had it forced from him +rather.' + +The old man looked at him as if he were curious to know what he meant, +but scorned to prolong the conversation. + +'I have always expected that he and I would be brought together again in +the course of business,' said Slyme, taking a fresh handful of nuts from +his pocket; 'but I thought he would be wanted for some swindling job; it +never entered my head that I should hold a warrant for the apprehension +of his murderer.' + +'HIS murderer!' cried Mr Chuzzlewit, looking from one to another. + +'His or Mr Montague's,' said Nadgett. 'They are the same, I am told. +I accuse him yonder of the murder of Mr Montague, who was found last +night, killed, in a wood. You will ask me why I accuse him as you have +already asked me how I know so much. I'll tell you. It can't remain a +secret long.' + +The ruling passion of the man expressed itself even then, in the tone of +regret in which he deplored the approaching publicity of what he knew. + +'I told you I had watched him,' he proceeded. 'I was instructed to do +so by Mr Montague, in whose employment I have been for some time. We had +our suspicions of him; and you know what they pointed at, for you have +been discussing it since we have been waiting here, outside the room. If +you care to hear, now it's all over, in what our suspicions began, I'll +tell you plainly: in a quarrel (it first came to our ears through a hint +of his own) between him and another office in which his father's life +was insured, and which had so much doubt and distrust upon the subject, +that he compounded with them, and took half the money; and was glad to +do it. Bit by bit, I ferreted out more circumstances against him, and +not a few. It required a little patience, but it's my calling. I found +the nurse--here she is to confirm me; I found the doctor, I found +the undertaker, I found the undertaker's man. I found out how the old +gentleman there, Mr Chuffey, had behaved at the funeral; and I found out +what this man,' touching Lewsome on the arm, 'had talked about in his +fever. I found out how he conducted himself before his father's death, +and how since and how at the time; and writing it all down, and putting +it carefully together, made case enough for Mr Montague to tax him +with the crime, which (as he himself believed until to-night) he had +committed. I was by when this was done. You see him now. He is only +worse than he was then.' + +Oh, miserable, miserable fool! oh, insupportable, excruciating torture! +To find alive and active--a party to it all--the brain and right-hand +of the secret he had thought to crush! In whom, though he had walled the +murdered man up, by enchantment in a rock, the story would have lived +and walked abroad! He tried to stop his ears with his fettered arms, +that he might shut out the rest. + +As he crouched upon the floor, they drew away from him as if a +pestilence were in his breath. They fell off, one by one, from that part +of the room, leaving him alone upon the ground. Even those who had him +in their keeping shunned him, and (with the exception of Slyme, who was +still occupied with his nuts) kept apart. + +'From that garret-window opposite,' said Nadgett, pointing across the +narrow street, 'I have watched this house and him for days and nights. +From that garret-window opposite I saw him return home, alone, from a +journey on which he had set out with Mr Montague. That was my token that +Mr Montague's end was gained; and I might rest easy on my watch, though +I was not to leave it until he dismissed me. But, standing at the door +opposite, after dark that same night, I saw a countryman steal out of +this house, by a side-door in the court, who had never entered it. +I knew his walk, and that it was himself, disguised. I followed him +immediately. I lost him on the western road, still travelling westward.' + +Jonas looked up at him for an instant, and muttered an oath. + +'I could not comprehend what this meant,' said Nadgett; 'but, having +seen so much, I resolved to see it out, and through. And I did. +Learning, on inquiry at his house from his wife, that he was supposed +to be sleeping in the room from which I had seen him go out, and that he +had given strict orders not to be disturbed, I knew that he was +coming back; and for his coming back I watched. I kept my watch in +the street--in doorways, and such places--all that night; at the same +window, all next day; and when night came on again, in the street once +more. For I knew he would come back, as he had gone out, when this part +of the town was empty. He did. Early in the morning, the same countryman +came creeping, creeping, creeping home.' + +'Look sharp!' interposed Slyme, who had now finished his nuts. 'This is +quite irregular, Mr Nadgett.' + +'I kept at the window all day,' said Nadgett, without heeding him. +'I think I never closed my eyes. At night, I saw him come out with a +bundle. I followed him again. He went down the steps at London Bridge, +and sunk it in the river. I now began to entertain some serious fears, +and made a communication to the Police, which caused that bundle to +be--' + +'To be fished up,' interrupted Slyme. 'Be alive, Mr Nadgett.' + +'It contained the dress I had seen him wear,' said Nadgett; 'stained +with clay, and spotted with blood. Information of the murder was +received in town last night. The wearer of that dress is already +known to have been seen near the place; to have been lurking in that +neighbourhood; and to have alighted from a coach coming from that part +of the country, at a time exactly tallying with the very minute when +I saw him returning home. The warrant has been out, and these officers +have been with me, some hours. We chose our time; and seeing you come +in, and seeing this person at the window--' + +'Beckoned to him,' said Mark, taking up the thread of the narrative, on +hearing this allusion to himself, 'to open the door; which he did with a +deal of pleasure.' + +'That's all at present,' said Nadgett, putting up his great pocketbook, +which from mere habit he had produced when he began his revelation, and +had kept in his hand all the time; 'but there is plenty more to come. +You asked me for the facts, so far I have related them, and need not +detain these gentlemen any longer. Are you ready, Mr Slyme?' + +'And something more,' replied that worthy, rising. 'If you walk round to +the office, we shall be there as soon as you. Tom! Get a coach!' + +The officer to whom he spoke departed for that purpose. Old Martin +lingered for a few moments, as if he would have addressed some words +to Jonas; but looking round, and seeing him still seated on the floor, +rocking himself in a savage manner to and fro, took Chuffey's arm, and +slowly followed Nadgett out. John Westlock and Mark Tapley accompanied +them. Mrs Gamp had tottered out first, for the better display of her +feelings, in a kind of walking swoon; for Mrs Gamp performed swoons of +different sorts, upon a moderate notice, as Mr Mould did Funerals. + +'Ha!' muttered Slyme, looking after them. 'Upon my soul! As insensible +of being disgraced by having such a nephew as myself, in such a +situation, as he was of my being an honour and a credit to the family! +That's the return I get for having humbled my spirit--such a spirit as +mine--to earn a livelihood, is it?' + +He got up from his chair, and kicked it away indignantly. + +'And such a livelihood too! When there are hundreds of men, not fit to +hold a candle to me, rolling in carriages and living on their fortunes. +Upon my soul it's a nice world!' + +His eyes encountered Jonas, who looked earnestly towards him, and moved +his lips as if he were whispering. + +'Eh?' said Slyme. + +Jonas glanced at the attendant whose back was towards him, and made a +clumsy motion with his bound hands towards the door. + +'Humph!' said Slyme, thoughtfully. 'I couldn't hope to disgrace him into +anything when you have shot so far ahead of me though. I forgot that.' + +Jonas repeated the same look and gesture. + +'Jack!' said Slyme. + +'Hallo!' returned his man. + +'Go down to the door, ready for the coach. Call out when it comes. I'd +rather have you there. Now then,' he added, turning hastily to Jonas, +when the man was gone. 'What's the matter?' + +Jonas essayed to rise. + +'Stop a bit,' said Slyme. 'It's not so easy when your wrists are tight +together. Now then! Up! What is it?' + +'Put your hand in my pocket. Here! The breast pocket, on the left!' said +Jonas. + +He did so; and drew out a purse. + +'There's a hundred pound in it,' said Jonas, whose words were almost +unintelligible; as his face, in its pallor and agony, was scarcely +human. + +Slyme looked at him; gave it into his hands; and shook his head. + +'I can't. I daren't. I couldn't if I dared. Those fellows below--' + +'Escape's impossible,' said Jonas. 'I know it. One hundred pound for +only five minutes in the next room!' + +'What to do?' he asked. + +The face of his prisoner as he advanced to whisper in his ear, made him +recoil involuntarily. But he stopped and listened to him. The words were +few, but his own face changed as he heard them. + +'I have it about me,' said Jonas, putting his hands to his throat, as +though whatever he referred to were hidden in his neckerchief. 'How +should you know of it? How could you know? A hundred pound for only five +minutes in the next room! The time's passing. Speak!' + +'It would be more--more creditable to the family,' observed Slyme, with +trembling lips. 'I wish you hadn't told me half so much. Less would have +served your purpose. You might have kept it to yourself.' + +'A hundred pound for only five minutes in the next room! Speak!' cried +Jonas, desperately. + +He took the purse. Jonas, with a wild unsteady step, retreated to the +door in the glass partition. + +'Stop!' cried Slyme, catching at his skirts. 'I don't know about this. +Yet it must end so at last. Are you guilty?' + +'Yes!' said Jonas. + +'Are the proofs as they were told just now?' + +'Yes!' said Jonas. + +'Will you--will you engage to say a--a Prayer, now, or something of that +sort?' faltered Slyme. + +Jonas broke from him without replying, and closed the door between them. + +Slyme listened at the keyhole. After that, he crept away on tiptoe, as +far off as he could; and looked awfully towards the place. He was roused +by the arrival of the coach, and their letting down the steps. + +'He's getting a few things together,' he said, leaning out of window, +and speaking to the two men below, who stood in the full light of a +street-lamp. 'Keep your eye upon the back, one of you, for form's sake.' + +One of the men withdrew into the court. The other, seating himself self +on the steps of the coach, remained in conversation with Slyme at the +window who perhaps had risen to be his superior, in virtue of his old +propensity (one so much lauded by the murdered man) of being always +round the corner. A useful habit in his present calling. + +'Where is he?' asked the man. + +Slyme looked into the room for an instant and gave his head a jerk as +much as to say, 'Close at hand. I see him.' + +'He's booked,' observed the man. + +'Through,' said Slyme. + +They looked at each other, and up and down the street. The man on +the coach-steps took his hat off, and put it on again, and whistled a +little. + +'I say! He's taking his time!' he remonstrated. + +'I allowed him five minutes,' said Slyme. 'Time's more than up, though. +I'll bring him down.' + +He withdrew from the window accordingly, and walked on tiptoe to the +door in the partition. He listened. There was not a sound within. He set +the candles near it, that they might shine through the glass. + +It was not easy, he found, to make up his mind to the opening of +the door. But he flung it wide open suddenly, and with a noise; then +retreated. After peeping in and listening again, he entered. + +He started back as his eyes met those of Jonas, standing in an angle of +the wall, and staring at him. His neckerchief was off; his face was ashy +pale. + +'You're too soon,' said Jonas, with an abject whimper. 'I've not had +time. I have not been able to do it. I--five minutes more--two minutes +more!--only one!' + +Slyme gave him no reply, but thrusting the purse upon him and forcing it +back into his pocket, called up his men. + +He whined, and cried, and cursed, and entreated them, and struggled, and +submitted, in the same breath, and had no power to stand. They got him +away and into the coach, where they put him on a seat; but he soon fell +moaning down among the straw at the bottom, and lay there. + +The two men were with him. Slyme being on the box with the driver; and +they let him lie. Happening to pass a fruiterer's on their way; the door +of which was open, though the shop was by this time shut; one of them +remarked how faint the peaches smelled. + +The other assented at the moment, but presently stooped down in quick +alarm, and looked at the prisoner. + +'Stop the coach! He has poisoned himself! The smell comes from this +bottle in his hand!' + +The hand had shut upon it tight. With that rigidity of grasp with which +no living man, in the full strength and energy of life, can clutch a +prize he has won. + +They dragged him out into the dark street; but jury, judge, and hangman, +could have done no more, and could do nothing now. Dead, dead, dead. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO + +IN WHICH THE TABLES ARE TURNED, COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN + + +Old Martin's cherished projects, so long hidden in his own breast, so +frequently in danger of abrupt disclosure through the bursting forth +of the indignation he had hoarded up during his residence with Mr +Pecksniff, were retarded, but not beyond a few hours, by the occurrences +just now related. Stunned, as he had been at first by the intelligence +conveyed to him through Tom Pinch and John Westlock, of the supposed +manner of his brother's death; overwhelmed as he was by the subsequent +narratives of Chuffey and Nadgett, and the forging of that chain of +circumstances ending in the death of Jonas, of which catastrophe he was +immediately informed; scattered as his purposes and hopes were for the +moment, by the crowding in of all these incidents between him and his +end; still their very intensity and the tumult of their assemblage +nerved him to the rapid and unyielding execution of his scheme. In every +single circumstance, whether it were cruel, cowardly, or false, he +saw the flowering of the same pregnant seed. Self; grasping, eager, +narrow-ranging, overreaching self; with its long train of suspicions, +lusts, deceits, and all their growing consequences; was the root of the +vile tree. Mr Pecksniff had so presented his character before the old +man's eyes, that he--the good, the tolerant, enduring Pecksniff--had +become the incarnation of all selfishness and treachery; and the more +odious the shapes in which those vices ranged themselves before him now, +the sterner consolation he had in his design of setting Mr Pecksniff +right and Mr Pecksniff's victims too. + +To this work he brought, not only the energy and determination natural +to his character (which, as the reader may have observed in the +beginning of his or her acquaintance with this gentleman, was remarkable +for the strong development of those qualities), but all the forced and +unnaturally nurtured energy consequent upon their long suppression. And +these two tides of resolution setting into one and sweeping on, became +so strong and vigorous, that, to prevent themselves from being carried +away before it, Heaven knows where, was as much as John Westlock and +Mark Tapley together (though they were tolerably energetic too) could +manage to effect. + +He had sent for John Westlock immediately on his arrival; and John, +under the conduct of Tom Pinch, had waited on him. Having a lively +recollection of Mr Tapley, he had caused that gentleman's attendance to +be secured, through John's means, without delay; and thus, as we have +seen, they had all repaired together to the City. But his grandson he +had refused to see until to-morrow, when Mr Tapley was instructed to +summon him to the Temple at ten o'clock in the forenoon. Tom he would +not allow to be employed in anything, lest he should be wrongfully +suspected; but he was a party to all their proceedings, and was with +them until late at night--until after they knew of the death of Jonas; +when he went home to tell all these wonders to little Ruth, and to +prepare her for accompanying him to the Temple in the morning, agreeably +to Mr Chuzzlewit's particular injunction. + +It was characteristic of old Martin, and his looking on to something +which he had distinctly before him, that he communicated to them nothing +of his intentions, beyond such hints of reprisal on Mr Pecksniff as they +gathered from the game he had played in that gentleman's house, and the +brightening of his eyes whenever his name was mentioned. Even to John +Westlock, in whom he was evidently disposed to place great confidence +(which may indeed be said of every one of them), he gave no explanation +whatever. He merely requested him to return in the morning; and with +this for their utmost satisfaction, they left him, when the night was +far advanced, alone. + +The events of such a day might have worn out the body and spirit of +a much younger man than he, but he sat in deep and painful meditation +until the morning was bright. Nor did he even then seek any prolonged +repose, but merely slumbered in his chair, until seven o'clock, when Mr +Tapley had appointed to come to him by his desire; and came--as fresh +and clean and cheerful as the morning itself. + +'You are punctual,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, opening the door to him in reply +to his light knock, which had roused him instantly. + +'My wishes, sir,' replied Mr Tapley, whose mind would appear from the +context to have been running on the matrimonial service, 'is to love, +honour, and obey. The clock's a-striking now, sir.' + +'Come in!' + +'Thank'ee, sir,' rejoined Mr Tapley, 'what could I do for you first, +sir?' + +'You gave my message to Martin?' said the old man, bending his eyes upon +him. + +'I did, sir,' returned Mark; 'and you never see a gentleman more +surprised in all your born days than he was.' + +'What more did you tell him?' Mr Chuzzlewit inquired. + +'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, smiling, 'I should have liked to tell him a +deal more, but not being able, sir, I didn't tell it him.' + +'You told him all you knew?' + +'But it was precious little, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley. 'There was very +little respectin' you that I was able to tell him, sir. I only mentioned +my opinion that Mr Pecksniff would find himself deceived, sir, and +that you would find yourself deceived, and that he would find himself +deceived, sir.' + +'In what?' asked Mr Chuzzlewit. + +'Meaning him, sir?' + +'Meaning both him and me.' + +'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'In your old opinions of each other. As +to him, sir, and his opinions, I know he's a altered man. I know it. +I know'd it long afore he spoke to you t'other day, and I must say it. +Nobody don't know half as much of him as I do. Nobody can't. There +was always a deal of good in him, but a little of it got crusted over, +somehow. I can't say who rolled the paste of that 'ere crust myself, +but--' + +'Go on,' said Martin. 'Why do you stop?' + +'But it--well! I beg your pardon, but I think it may have been you, sir. +Unintentional I think it may have been you. I don't believe that neither +of you gave the other quite a fair chance. There! Now I've got rid on +it,' said Mr Tapley in a fit of desperation: 'I can't go a-carryin' it +about in my own mind, bustin' myself with it; yesterday was quite long +enough. It's out now. I can't help it. I'm sorry for it. Don't wisit on +him, sir, that's all.' + +It was clear that Mark expected to be ordered out immediately, and was +quite prepared to go. + +'So you think,' said Martin, 'that his old faults are, in some degree, +of my creation, do you?' + +'Well, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, 'I'm werry sorry, but I can't unsay it. +It's hardly fair of you, sir, to make a ignorant man conwict himself in +this way, but I DO think so. I am as respectful disposed to you, sir, as +a man can be; but I DO think so.' + +The light of a faint smile seemed to break through the dull steadiness +of Martin's face, as he looked attentively at him, without replying. + +'Yet you are an ignorant man, you say,' he observed after a long pause. + +'Werry much so,' Mr Tapley replied. + +'And I a learned, well-instructed man, you think?' + +'Likewise wery much so,' Mr Tapley answered. + +The old man, with his chin resting on his hand, paced the room twice or +thrice before he added: + +'You have left him this morning?' + +'Come straight from him now, sir.' + +'For what does he suppose?' + +'He don't know what to suppose, sir, no more than myself. I told him +jest wot passed yesterday, sir, and that you had said to me, "Can you be +here by seven in the morning?" and that you had said to him, through me, +"Can you be here by ten in the morning?" and that I had said "Yes" to +both. That's all, sir.' + +His frankness was so genuine that it plainly WAS all. + +'Perhaps,' said Martin, 'he may think you are going to desert him, and +to serve me?' + +'I have served him in that sort of way, sir,' replied Mark, without the +loss of any atom of his self-possession; 'and we have been that sort of +companions in misfortune, that my opinion is, he don't believe a word on +it. No more than you do, sir.' + +'Will you help me to dress, and get me some breakfast from the hotel?' +asked Martin. + +'With pleasure, sir,' said Mark. + +'And by-and-bye,' said Martin, 'remaining in the room, as I wish you to +do, will you attend to the door yonder--give admission to visitors, I +mean, when they knock?' + +'Certainly, sir,' said Mr Tapley. + +'You will not find it necessary to express surprise at their +appearance,' Martin suggested. + +'Oh dear no, sir!' said Mr Tapley, 'not at all.' + +Although he pledged himself to this with perfect confidence, he was in a +state of unbounded astonishment even now. Martin appeared to observe it, +and to have some sense of the ludicrous bearing of Mr Tapley under these +perplexing circumstances; for, in spite of the composure of his voice +and the gravity of his face, the same indistinct light flickered on the +latter several times. Mark bestirred himself, however, to execute the +offices with which he was entrusted; and soon lost all tendency to any +outward expression of his surprise, in the occupation of being brisk and +busy. + +But when he had put Mr Chuzzlewit's clothes in good order for dressing, +and when that gentleman was dressed and sitting at his breakfast, +Mr Tapley's feelings of wonder began to return upon him with great +violence; and, standing beside the old man with a napkin under his +arm (it was as natural and easy to joke to Mark to be a butler in the +Temple, as it had been to volunteer as cook on board the Screw), he +found it difficult to resist the temptation of casting sidelong glances +at him very often. Nay, he found it impossible; and accordingly yielded +to this impulse so often, that Martin caught him in the fact some fifty +times. The extraordinary things Mr Tapley did with his own face when +any of these detections occurred; the sudden occasions he had to rub +his eyes or his nose or his chin; the look of wisdom with which he +immediately plunged into the deepest thought, or became intensely +interested in the habits and customs of the flies upon the ceiling, or +the sparrows out of doors; or the overwhelming politeness with which +he endeavoured to hide his confusion by handing the muffin; may not +unreasonably be assumed to have exercised the utmost power of feature +that even Martin Chuzzlewit the elder possessed. + +But he sat perfectly quiet and took his breakfast at his leisure, or +made a show of doing so, for he scarcely ate or drank, and frequently +lapsed into long intervals of musing. When he had finished, Mark sat +down to his breakfast at the same table; and Mr Chuzzlewit, quite silent +still, walked up and down the room. + +Mark cleared away in due course, and set a chair out for him, in which, +as the time drew on towards ten o'clock, he took his seat, leaning his +hands upon his stick, and clenching them upon the handle, and resting +his chin on them again. All his impatience and abstraction of manner had +vanished now; and as he sat there, looking, with his keen eyes, steadily +towards the door, Mark could not help thinking what a firm, square, +powerful face it was; or exulting in the thought that Mr Pecksniff, +after playing a pretty long game of bowls with its owner, seemed to be +at last in a very fair way of coming in for a rubber or two. + +Mark's uncertainty in respect of what was going to be done or said, and +by whom to whom, would have excited him in itself. But knowing for +a certainty besides, that young Martin was coming, and in a very few +minutes must arrive, he found it by no means easy to remain quiet and +silent. But, excepting that he occasionally coughed in a hollow and +unnatural manner to relieve himself, he behaved with great decorum +through the longest ten minutes he had ever known. + +A knock at the door. Mr Westlock. Mr Tapley, in admitting him, raised +his eyebrows to the highest possible pitch, implying thereby that he +considered himself in an unsatisfactory position. Mr Chuzzlewit received +him very courteously. + +Mark waited at the door for Tom Pinch and his sister, who were coming up +the stairs. The old man went to meet them; took their hands in his; +and kissed her on the cheek. As this looked promising, Mr Tapley smiled +benignantly. + +Mr Chuzzlewit had resumed his chair before young Martin, who was close +behind them, entered. The old man, scarcely looking at him, pointed to +a distant seat. This was less encouraging; and Mr Tapley's spirits fell +again. + +He was quickly summoned to the door by another knock. He did not start, +or cry, or tumble down, at sight of Miss Graham and Mrs Lupin, but he +drew a very long breath, and came back perfectly resigned, looking on +them and on the rest with an expression which seemed to say that nothing +could surprise him any more; and that he was rather glad to have done +with that sensation for ever. + +The old man received Mary no less tenderly than he had received Tom +Pinch's sister. A look of friendly recognition passed between himself +and Mrs Lupin, which implied the existence of a perfect understanding +between them. It engendered no astonishment in Mr Tapley; for, as he +afterwards observed, he had retired from the business, and sold off the +stock. + +Not the least curious feature in this assemblage was, that everybody +present was so much surprised and embarrassed by the sight of everybody +else, that nobody ventured to speak. Mr Chuzzlewit alone broke silence. + +'Set the door open, Mark!' he said; 'and come here.' + +Mark obeyed. + +The last appointed footstep sounded now upon the stairs. They all knew +it. It was Mr Pecksniff's; and Mr Pecksniff was in a hurry too, for he +came bounding up with such uncommon expedition that he stumbled twice or +thrice. + +'Where is my venerable friend?' he cried upon the upper landing; and +then with open arms came darting in. + +Old Martin merely looked at him; but Mr Pecksniff started back as if he +had received the charge from an electric battery. + +'My venerable friend is well?' cried Mr Pecksniff. + +'Quite well.' + +It seemed to reassure the anxious inquirer. He clasped his hands and, +looking upwards with a pious joy, silently expressed his gratitude. +He then looked round on the assembled group, and shook his head +reproachfully. For such a man severely, quite severely. + +'Oh, vermin!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Oh, bloodsuckers! Is it not enough +that you have embittered the existence of an individual wholly +unparalleled in the biographical records of amiable persons, but must +you now, even now, when he has made his election, and reposed his trust +in a Numble, but at least sincere and disinterested relative; must +you now, vermin and swarmers (I regret to make use of these strong +expressions, my dear sir, but there are times when honest indignation +will not be controlled), must you now, vermin and swarmers (for I WILL +repeat it), take advantage of his unprotected state, assemble round +him from all quarters, as wolves and vultures, and other animals of +the feathered tribe assemble round--I will not say round carrion or a +carcass, for Mr Chuzzlewit is quite the contrary--but round their prey; +their prey; to rifle and despoil; gorging their voracious maws, and +staining their offensive beaks, with every description of carnivorous +enjoyment!' + +As he stopped to fetch his breath, he waved them off, in a solemn +manner, with his hand. + +'Horde of unnatural plunderers and robbers!' he continued; 'leave him! +leave him, I say! Begone! Abscond! You had better be off! Wander over +the face of the earth, young sirs, like vagabonds as you are, and do not +presume to remain in a spot which is hallowed by the grey hairs of the +patriarchal gentleman to whose tottering limbs I have the honour to act +as an unworthy, but I hope an unassuming, prop and staff. And you, my +tender sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, addressing himself in a tone of gentle +remonstrance to the old man, 'how could you ever leave me, though even +for this short period! You have absented yourself, I do not doubt, upon +some act of kindness to me; bless you for it; but you must not do it; +you must not be so venturesome. I should really be angry with you if I +could, my friend!' + +He advanced with outstretched arms to take the old man's hand. But he +had not seen how the hand clasped and clutched the stick within its +grasp. As he came smiling on, and got within his reach, old Martin, with +his burning indignation crowded into one vehement burst, and flashing +out of every line and wrinkle in his face, rose up, and struck him down +upon the ground. + +With such a well-directed nervous blow, that down he went, as heavily +and true as if the charge of a Life-Guardsman had tumbled him out of a +saddle. And whether he was stunned by the shock, or only confused by the +wonder and novelty of this warm reception, he did not offer to get up +again; but lay there, looking about him with a disconcerted meekness +in his face so enormously ridiculous, that neither Mark Tapley nor John +Westlock could repress a smile, though both were actively interposing to +prevent a repetition of the blow; which the old man's gleaming eyes and +vigorous attitude seemed to render one of the most probable events in +the world. + +'Drag him away! Take him out of my reach!' said Martin; 'or I can't help +it. The strong restraint I have put upon my hands has been enough to +palsy them. I am not master of myself while he is within their range. +Drag him away!' + +Seeing that he still did not rise, Mr Tapley, without any compromise +about it, actually did drag him away, and stick him up on the floor, +with his back against the opposite wall. + +'Hear me, rascal!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'I have summoned you here to +witness your own work. I have summoned you here to witness it, because +I know it will be gall and wormwood to you! I have summoned you here to +witness it, because I know the sight of everybody here must be a dagger +in your mean, false heart! What! do you know me as I am, at last!' + +Mr Pecksniff had cause to stare at him, for the triumph in his face and +speech and figure was a sight to stare at. + +'Look there!' said the old man, pointing at him, and appealing to the +rest. 'Look there! And then--come hither, my dear Martin--look here! +here! here!' At every repetition of the word he pressed his grandson +closer to his breast. + +'The passion I felt, Martin, when I dared not do this,' he said, 'was +in the blow I struck just now. Why did we ever part! How could we ever +part! How could you ever fly from me to him!' + +Martin was about to answer, but he stopped him, and went on. + +'The fault was mine no less than yours. Mark has told me so today, and +I have known it long; though not so long as I might have done. Mary, my +love, come here.' + +As she trembled and was very pale, he sat her in his own chair, and +stood beside it with her hand in his; and Martin standing by him. + +'The curse of our house,' said the old man, looking kindly down upon +her, 'has been the love of self; has ever been the love of self. How +often have I said so, when I never knew that I had wrought it upon +others.' + +He drew one hand through Martin's arm, and standing so, between them, +proceeded thus: + +'You all know how I bred this orphan up, to tend me. None of you can +know by what degrees I have come to regard her as a daughter; for +she has won upon me, by her self-forgetfulness, her tenderness, her +patience, all the goodness of her nature, when Heaven is her witness +that I took but little pains to draw it forth. It blossomed without +cultivation, and it ripened without heat. I cannot find it in my heart +to say that I am sorry for it now, or yonder fellow might be holding up +his head.' + +Mr Pecksniff put his hand into his waistcoat, and slightly shook that +part of him to which allusion had been made; as if to signify that it +was still uppermost. + +'There is a kind of selfishness,' said Martin--'I have learned it in my +own experience of my own breast--which is constantly upon the watch for +selfishness in others; and holding others at a distance, by suspicions +and distrusts, wonders why they don't approach, and don't confide, and +calls that selfishness in them. Thus I once doubted those about me--not +without reason in the beginning--and thus I once doubted you, Martin.' + +'Not without reason,' Martin answered, 'either.' + +'Listen, hypocrite! Listen, smooth-tongued, servile, crawling knave!' +said Martin. 'Listen, you shallow dog. What! When I was seeking him, you +had already spread your nets; you were already fishing for him, were ye? +When I lay ill in this good woman's house and your meek spirit pleaded +for my grandson, you had already caught him, had ye? Counting on the +restoration of the love you knew I bore him, you designed him for one +of your two daughters did ye? Or failing that, you traded in him as a +speculation which at any rate should blind me with the lustre of your +charity, and found a claim upon me! Why, even then I knew you, and I +told you so. Did I tell you that I knew you, even then?' + +'I am not angry, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, softly. 'I can bear a great +deal from you. I will never contradict you, Mr Chuzzlewit.' + +'Observe!' said Martin, looking round. 'I put myself in that man's +hands on terms as mean and base, and as degrading to himself, as I could +render them in words. I stated them at length to him, before his own +children, syllable by syllable, as coarsely as I could, and with as much +offence, and with as plain an exposition of my contempt, as words--not +looks and manner merely--could convey. If I had only called the angry +blood into his face, I would have wavered in my purpose. If I had only +stung him into being a man for a minute I would have abandoned it. If he +had offered me one word of remonstrance, in favour of the grandson whom +he supposed I had disinherited; if he had pleaded with me, though never +so faintly, against my appeal to him to abandon him to misery and +cast him from his house; I think I could have borne with him for ever +afterwards. But not a word, not a word. Pandering to the worst of human +passions was the office of his nature; and faithfully he did his work!' + +'I am not angry,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I am hurt, Mr Chuzzlewit; +wounded in my feelings; but I am not angry, my good sir.' + +Mr Chuzzlewit resumed. + +'Once resolved to try him, I was resolute to pursue the trial to the +end; but while I was bent on fathoming the depth of his duplicity, I +made a sacred compact with myself that I would give him credit on the +other side for any latent spark of goodness, honour, forbearance--any +virtue--that might glimmer in him. For first to last there has been no +such thing. Not once. He cannot say I have not given him opportunity. +He cannot say I have ever led him on. He cannot say I have not left +him freely to himself in all things; or that I have not been a passive +instrument in his hands, which he might have used for good as easily as +evil. Or if he can, he Lies! And that's his nature, too.' + +'Mr Chuzzlewit,' interrupted Pecksniff, shedding tears. 'I am not angry, +sir. I cannot be angry with you. But did you never, my dear sir, +express a desire that the unnatural young man who by his wicked arts has +estranged your good opinion from me, for the time being; only for the +time being; that your grandson, Mr Chuzzlewit, should be dismissed my +house? Recollect yourself, my Christian friend.' + +'I have said so, have I not?' retorted the old man, sternly. 'I could +not tell how far your specious hypocrisy had deceived him, knave; and +knew no better way of opening his eyes than by presenting you before him +in your own servile character. Yes. I did express that desire. And you +leaped to meet it; and you met it; and turning in an instant on the +hand you had licked and beslavered, as only such hounds can, you +strengthened, and confirmed, and justified me in my scheme.' + +Mr Pecksniff made a bow; a submissive, not to say a grovelling and an +abject bow. If he had been complimented on his practice of the loftiest +virtues, he never could have bowed as he bowed then. + +'The wretched man who has been murdered,' Mr Chuzzlewit went on to say; +'then passing by the name of--' + +'Tigg,' suggested Mark. + +'Of Tigg; brought begging messages to me on behalf of a friend of his, +and an unworthy relative of mine; and finding him a man well enough +suited to my purpose, I employed him to glean some news of you, Martin, +for me. It was from him I learned that you had taken up your abode with +yonder fellow. It was he, who meeting you here in town, one evening--you +remember where?' + +'At the pawnbroker's shop,' said Martin. + +'Yes; watched you to your lodging, and enabled me to send you a +bank-note.' + +'I little thought,' said Martin, greatly moved, 'that it had come from +you; I little thought that you were interested in my fate. If I had--' + +'If you had,' returned the old man, sorrowfully, 'you would have shown +less knowledge of me as I seemed to be, and as I really was. I hoped to +bring you back, Martin, penitent and humbled. I hoped to distress you +into coming back to me. Much as I loved you, I had that to acknowledge +which I could not reconcile it to myself to avow, then, unless you +made submission to me first. Thus it was I lost you. If I have had, +indirectly, any act or part in the fate of that unhappy man, by putting +means, however small, within his reach, Heaven forgive me! I might have +known, perhaps, that he would misuse money; that it was ill-bestowed +upon him; and that sown by his hands it could engender mischief only. +But I never thought of him at that time as having the disposition or +ability to be a serious impostor, or otherwise than as a thoughtless, +idle-humoured, dissipated spendthrift, sinning more against himself than +others, and frequenting low haunts and indulging vicious tastes, to his +own ruin only.' + +'Beggin' your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, who had Mrs Lupin on his +arm by this time, quite agreeably; 'if I may make so bold as say so, my +opinion is, as you was quite correct, and that he turned out perfectly +nat'ral for all that. There's surprisin' number of men sir, who as long +as they've only got their own shoes and stockings to depend upon, will +walk down hill, along the gutters quiet enough and by themselves, and +not do much harm. But set any on 'em up with a coach and horses, sir; +and it's wonderful what a knowledge of drivin' he'll show, and how he'll +fill his wehicle with passengers, and start off in the middle of the +road, neck or nothing, to the Devil! Bless your heart, sir, there's ever +so many Tiggs a-passin' this here Temple-gate any hour in the day, that +only want a chance to turn out full-blown Montagues every one!' + +'Your ignorance, as you call it, Mark,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'is wiser +than some men's enlightenment, and mine among them. You are right; not +for the first time to-day. Now hear me out, my dears. And hear me, you, +who, if what I have been told be accurately stated, are Bankrupt in +pocket no less than in good name! And when you have heard me, leave this +place, and poison my sight no more!' + +Mr Pecksniff laid his hand upon his breast, and bowed again. + +'The penance I have done in this house,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'has earned +this reflection with it constantly, above all others. That if it had +pleased Heaven to visit such infirmity on my old age as really had +reduced me to the state in which I feigned to be, I should have brought +its misery upon myself. Oh, you whose wealth, like mine, has been a +source of continual unhappiness, leading you to distrust the nearest and +dearest, and to dig yourself a living grave of suspicion and reserve; +take heed that, having cast off all whom you might have bound to you, +and tenderly, you do not become in your decay the instrument of such a +man as this, and waken in another world to the knowledge of such wrong +as would embitter Heaven itself, if wrong or you could ever reach it!' + +And then he told them how he had sometimes thought, in the beginning, +that love might grow up between Mary and Martin; and how he had pleased +his fancy with the picture of observing it when it was new, and taking +them to task, apart, in counterfeited doubt, and then confessing to them +that it had been an object dear to his heart; and by his sympathy with +them, and generous provision for their young fortunes, establishing a +claim on their affection and regard which nothing should wither, and +which should surround his old age with means of happiness. How in the +first dawn of this design, and when the pleasure of such a scheme for +the happiness of others was new and indistinct within him, Martin had +come to tell him that he had already chosen for himself; knowing that +he, the old man, had some faint project on that head, but ignorant whom +it concerned. How it was little comfort to him to know that Martin +had chosen Her, because the grace of his design was lost, and because +finding that she had returned his love, he tortured himself with +the reflection that they, so young, to whom he had been so kind a +benefactor, were already like the world, and bent on their own selfish, +stealthy ends. How in the bitterness of this impression, and of his past +experience, he had reproached Martin so harshly (forgetting that he had +never invited his confidence on such a point, and confounding what +he had meant to do with what he had done), that high words sprung up +between them, and they separated in wrath. How he loved him still, and +hoped he would return. How on the night of his illness at the Dragon, +he had secretly written tenderly of him, and made him his heir, and +sanctioned his marriage with Mary; and how, after his interview with Mr +Pecksniff, he had distrusted him again, and burnt the paper to ashes, +and had lain down in his bed distracted by suspicions, doubts, and +regrets. + +And then he told them how, resolved to probe this Pecksniff, and to +prove the constancy and truth of Mary (to himself no less than +Martin), he had conceived and entered on his plan; and how, beneath her +gentleness and patience, he had softened more and more; still more and +more beneath the goodness and simplicity, the honour and the manly faith +of Tom. And when he spoke of Tom, he said God bless him; and the tears +were in his eyes; for he said that Tom, mistrusted and disliked by him +at first, had come like summer rain upon his heart; and had disposed it +to believe in better things. And Martin took him by the hand, and Mary +too, and John, his old friend, stoutly too; and Mark, and Mrs Lupin, +and his sister, little Ruth. And peace of mind, deep, tranquil peace of +mind, was in Tom's heart. + +The old man then related how nobly Mr Pecksniff had performed the duty +in which he stood indebted to society, in the matter of Tom's +dismissal; and how, having often heard disparagement of Mr Westlock from +Pecksniffian lips, and knowing him to be a friend to Tom, he had used, +through his confidential agent and solicitor, that little artifice which +had kept him in readiness to receive his unknown friend in London. And +he called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Scoundrel) to remember that +there again he had not trapped him to do evil, but that he had done it +of his own free will and agency; nay, that he had cautioned him against +it. And once again he called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Hang-dog) +to remember that when Martin coming home at last, an altered man, had +sued for the forgiveness which awaited him, he, Pecksniff, had rejected +him in language of his own, and had remorsely stepped in between him and +the least touch of natural tenderness. 'For which,' said the old man, +'if the bending of my finger would remove a halter from your neck, I +wouldn't bend it!' + +'Martin,' he added, 'your rival has not been a dangerous one, but Mrs +Lupin here has played duenna for some weeks; not so much to watch your +love as to watch her lover. For that Ghoul'--his fertility in finding +names for Mr Pecksniff was astonishing--'would have crawled into her +daily walks otherwise, and polluted the fresh air. What's this? Her hand +is trembling strangely. See if you can hold it.' + +Hold it! If he clasped it half as tightly as he did her waist. Well, +well! + +But it was good in him that even then, in his high fortune and +happiness, with her lips nearly printed on his own, and her proud young +beauty in his close embrace, he had a hand still left to stretch out to +Tom Pinch. + +'Oh, Tom! Dear Tom! I saw you, accidentally, coming here. Forgive me!' + +'Forgive!' cried Tom. 'I'll never forgive you as long as I live, Martin, +if you say another syllable about it. Joy to you both! Joy, my dear +fellow, fifty thousand times.' + +Joy! There is not a blessing on earth that Tom did not wish them. There +is not a blessing on earth that Tom would not have bestowed upon them, +if he could. + +'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, stepping forward, 'but yow was +mentionin', just now, a lady of the name of Lupin, sir.' + +'I was,' returned old Martin + +'Yes, sir. It's a pretty name, sir?' + +'A very good name,' said Martin. + +'It seems a'most a pity to change such a name into Tapley. Don't it, +sir?' said Mark. + +'That depends upon the lady. What is HER opinion?' + +'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, retiring, with a bow, towards the buxom +hostess, 'her opinion is as the name ain't a change for the better, but +the indiwidual may be, and, therefore, if nobody ain't acquainted +with no jest cause or impediment, et cetrer, the Blue Dragon will be +con-werted into the Jolly Tapley. A sign of my own inwention, sir. Wery +new, conwivial, and expressive!' + +The whole of these proceedings were so agreeable to Mr Pecksniff that +he stood with his eyes fixed upon the floor and his hands clasping one +another alternately, as if a host of penal sentences were being passed +upon him. Not only did his figure appear to have shrunk, but his +discomfiture seemed to have extended itself even to his dress. His +clothes seemed to have grown shabbier, his linen to have turned yellow, +his hair to have become lank and frowsy; his very boots looked villanous +and dim, as if their gloss had departed with his own. + +Feeling, rather than seeing, that the old man now pointed to the door, +he raised his eyes, picked up his hat, and thus addressed him: + +'Mr Chuzzlewit, sir! you have partaken of my hospitality.' + +'And paid for it,' he observed. + +'Thank you. That savours,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking out his +pocket-handkerchief, 'of your old familiar frankness. You have paid for +it. I was about to make the remark. You have deceived me, sir. Thank you +again. I am glad of it. To see you in the possession of your health and +faculties on any terms, is, in itself, a sufficient recompense. To have +been deceived implies a trusting nature. Mine is a trusting nature. I +am thankful for it. I would rather have a trusting nature, do you know, +sir, than a doubting one!' + +Here Mr Pecksniff, with a sad smile, bowed, and wiped his eyes. + +'There is hardly any person present, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, +'by whom I have not been deceived. I have forgiven those persons on the +spot. That was my duty; and, of course, I have done it. Whether it was +worthy of you to partake of my hospitality, and to act the part you +did act in my house, that, sir, is a question which I leave to your own +conscience. And your conscience does not acquit you. No, sir, no!' + +Pronouncing these last words in a loud and solemn voice, Mr Pecksniff +was not so absolutely lost in his own fervour as to be unmindful of the +expediency of getting a little nearer to the door. + +'I have been struck this day,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'with a walking +stick (which I have every reason to believe has knobs upon it), on that +delicate and exquisite portion of the human anatomy--the brain. Several +blows have been inflicted, sir, without a walking-stick, upon that +tenderer portion of my frame--my heart. You have mentioned, sir, +my being bankrupt in my purse. Yes, sir, I am. By an unfortunate +speculation, combined with treachery, I find myself reduced to poverty; +at a time, sir, when the child of my bosom is widowed, and affliction +and disgrace are in my family.' + +Here Mr Pecksniff wiped his eyes again, and gave himself two or three +little knocks upon the breast, as if he were answering two or three +other little knocks from within, given by the tinkling hammer of his +conscience, to express 'Cheer up, my boy!' + +'I know the human mind, although I trust it. That is my weakness. Do I +not know, sir'--here he became exceedingly plaintive and was observed to +glance towards Tom Pinch--'that my misfortunes bring this treatment on +me? Do I not know, sir, that but for them I never should have heard what +I have heard to-day? Do I not know that in the silence and the solitude +of night, a little voice will whisper in your ear, Mr Chuzzlewit, "This +was not well. This was not well, sir!" Think of this, sir (if you will +have the goodness), remote from the impulses of passion, and apart from +the specialities, if I may use that strong remark, of prejudice. And if +you ever contemplate the silent tomb, sir, which you will excuse me for +entertaining some doubt of your doing, after the conduct into which you +have allowed yourself to be betrayed this day; if you ever contemplate +the silent tomb sir, think of me. If you find yourself approaching to +the silent tomb, sir, think of me. If you should wish to have anything +inscribed upon your silent tomb, sir, let it be, that I--ah, my +remorseful sir! that I--the humble individual who has now the honour of +reproaching you, forgave you. That I forgave you when my injuries were +fresh, and when my bosom was newly wrung. It may be bitterness to you to +hear it now, sir, but you will live to seek a consolation in it. May you +find a consolation in it when you want it, sir! Good morning!' + +With this sublime address, Mr Pecksniff departed. But the effect of +his departure was much impaired by his being immediately afterwards run +against, and nearly knocked down, by a monstrously excited little man in +velveteen shorts and a very tall hat; who came bursting up the stairs, +and straight into the chambers of Mr Chuzzlewit, as if he were deranged. + +'Is there anybody here that knows him?' cried the little man. 'Is there +anybody here that knows him? Oh, my stars, is there anybody here that +knows him?' + +They looked at each other for an explanation; but nobody knew anything +more than that here was an excited little man with a very tall hat on, +running in and out of the room as hard as he could go; making his single +pair of bright blue stockings appear at least a dozen; and constantly +repeating in a shrill voice, 'IS there anybody here that knows him?' + +'If your brains is not turned topjy turjey, Mr Sweedlepipes!' exclaimed +another voice, 'hold that there nige of yourn, I beg you, sir.' + +At the same time Mrs Gamp was seen in the doorway; out of breath from +coming up so many stairs, and panting fearfully; but dropping curtseys +to the last. + +'Excuge the weakness of the man,' said Mrs Gamp, eyeing Mr Sweedlepipe +with great indignation; 'and well I might expect it, as I should have +know'd, and wishin' he was drownded in the Thames afore I had brought +him here, which not a blessed hour ago he nearly shaved the noge off +from the father of as lovely a family as ever, Mr Chuzzlewit, was born +three sets of twins, and would have done it, only he see it a-goin' in +the glass, and dodged the rager. And never, Mr Sweedlepipes, I do assure +you, sir, did I so well know what a misfortun it was to be acquainted +with you, as now I do, which so I say, sir, and I don't deceive you!' + +'I ask your pardon, ladies and gentlemen all,' cried the little barber, +taking off his hat, 'and yours too, Mrs Gamp. But--but,' he added this +half laughing and half crying, 'IS there anybody here that knows him?' + +As the barber said these words, a something in top-boots, with its head +bandaged up, staggered into the room, and began going round and round +and round, apparently under the impression that it was walking straight +forward. + +'Look at him!' cried the excited little barber. 'Here he is! That'll +soon wear off, and then he'll be all right again. He's no more dead than +I am. He's all alive and hearty. Aint you, Bailey?' + +'R--r--reether so, Poll!' replied that gentleman. + +'Look here!' cried the little barber, laughing and crying in the same +breath. 'When I steady him he comes all right. There! He's all right +now. Nothing's the matter with him now, except that he's a little shook +and rather giddy; is there, Bailey?' + +'R--r--reether shook, Poll--reether so!' said Mr Bailey. 'What, my +lovely Sairey! There you air!' + +'What a boy he is!' cried the tender-hearted Poll, actually sobbing +over him. 'I never see sech a boy! It's all his fun. He's full of it. +He shall go into the business along with me. I am determined he shall. +We'll make it Sweedlepipe and Bailey. He shall have the sporting branch +(what a one he'll be for the matches!) and me the shavin'. I'll make +over the birds to him as soon as ever he's well enough. He shall have +the little bullfinch in the shop, and all. He's sech a boy! I ask your +pardon, ladies and gentlemen, but I thought there might be some one here +that know'd him!' + +Mrs Gamp had observed, not without jealousy and scorn, that a favourable +impression appeared to exist in behalf of Mr Sweedlepipe and his +young friend; and that she had fallen rather into the background in +consequence. She now struggled to the front, therefore, and stated her +business. + +'Which, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, 'is well beknown to Mrs Harris as has +one sweet infant (though she DO not wish it known) in her own family by +the mother's side, kep in spirits in a bottle; and that sweet babe she +see at Greenwich Fair, a-travelling in company with a pink-eyed lady, +Prooshan dwarf, and livin' skelinton, which judge her feelings when the +barrel organ played, and she was showed her own dear sister's child, the +same not bein' expected from the outside picter, where it was painted +quite contrairy in a livin' state, a many sizes larger, and performing +beautiful upon the Arp, which never did that dear child know or do; +since breathe it never did, to speak on in this wale! And Mrs Harris, Mr +Chuzzlewit, has knowed me many year, and can give you information that +the lady which is widdered can't do better and may do worse, than let me +wait upon her, which I hope to do. Permittin' the sweet faces as I see +afore me.' + +'Oh!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Is that your business? Was this good person +paid for the trouble we gave her?' + +'I paid her, sir,' returned Mark Tapley; 'liberal.' + +'The young man's words is true,' said Mrs Gamp, 'and thank you kindly.' + +'Then here we will close our acquaintance, Mrs Gamp,' retorted Mr +Chuzzlewit. 'And Mr Sweedlepipe--is that your name?' + +'That is my name, sir,' replied Poll, accepting with a profusion of +gratitude, some chinking pieces which the old man slipped into his hand. + +'Mr Sweedlepipe, take as much care of your lady-lodger as you can, and +give her a word or two of good advice now and then. Such,' said old +Martin, looking gravely at the astonished Mrs Gamp, 'as hinting at the +expediency of a little less liquor, and a little more humanity, and +a little less regard for herself, and a little more regard for her +patients, and perhaps a trifle of additional honesty. Or when Mrs Gamp +gets into trouble, Mr Sweedlepipe, it had better not be at a time when I +am near enough to the Old Bailey to volunteer myself as a witness to her +character. Endeavour to impress that upon her at your leisure, if you +please.' + +Mrs Gamp clasped her hands, turned up her eyes until they were quite +invisible, threw back her bonnet for the admission of fresh air to her +heated brow; and in the act of saying faintly--'Less liquor!--Sairey +Gamp--Bottle on the chimney-piece, and let me put my lips to it, when I +am so dispoged!'--fell into one of the walking swoons; in which pitiable +state she was conducted forth by Mr Sweedlepipe, who, between his two +patients, the swooning Mrs Gamp and the revolving Bailey, had enough to +do, poor fellow. + +The old man looked about him, with a smile, until his eyes rested on Tom +Pinch's sister; when he smiled the more. + +'We will all dine here together,' he said; 'and as you and Mary have +enough to talk of, Martin, you shall keep house for us until the +afternoon, with Mr and Mrs Tapley. I must see your lodgings in the +meanwhile, Tom.' + +Tom was quite delighted. So was Ruth. She would go with them. + +'Thank you, my love,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'But I am afraid I must take +Tom a little out of the way, on business. Suppose you go on first, my +dear?' + +Pretty little Ruth was equally delighted to do that. + +'But not alone,' said Martin, 'not alone. Mr Westlock, I dare say, will +escort you.' + +Why, of course he would: what else had Mr Westlock in his mind? How dull +these old men are! + +'You are sure you have no engagement?' he persisted. + +Engagement! As if he could have any engagement! + +So they went off arm-in-arm. When Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit went off +arm-in-arm a few minutes after them, the latter was still smiling; and +really, for a gentleman of his habits, in rather a knowing manner. + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE + +WHAT JOHN WESTLOCK SAID TO TOM PINCH'S SISTER; WHAT TOM PINCH'S SISTER +SAID TO JOHN WESTLOCK; WHAT TOM PINCH SAID TO BOTH OF THEM; AND HOW THEY +ALL PASSED THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY + + +Brilliantly the Temple Fountain sparkled in the sun, and laughingly +its liquid music played, and merrily the idle drops of water danced and +danced, and peeping out in sport among the trees, plunged lightly down +to hide themselves, as little Ruth and her companion came toward it. + +And why they came toward the Fountain at all is a mystery; for they had +no business there. It was not in their way. It was quite out of their +way. They had no more to do with the Fountain, bless you, than they had +with--with Love, or any out-of-the-way thing of that sort. + +It was all very well for Tom and his sister to make appointments by the +Fountain, but that was quite another affair. Because, of course, when +she had to wait a minute or two, it would have been very awkward for her +to have had to wait in any but a tolerably quiet spot; but that was as +quiet a spot, everything considered, as they could choose. But when she +had John Westlock to take care of her, and was going home with her arm +in his (home being in a different direction altogether), their coming +anywhere near that Fountain was quite extraordinary. + +However, there they found themselves. And another extraordinary part +of the matter was, that they seemed to have come there, by a silent +understanding. Yet when they got there, they were a little confused +by being there, which was the strangest part of all; because there is +nothing naturally confusing in a Fountain. We all know that. + +'What a good old place it was!' John said. With quite an earnest affection +for it. + +'A pleasant place indeed,' said little Ruth. 'So shady!' + +Oh wicked little Ruth! + +They came to a stop when John began to praise it. The day was exquisite; +and stopping at all, it was quite natural--nothing could be more +so--that they should glance down Garden Court; because Garden Court ends +in the Garden, and the Garden ends in the River, and that glimpse is +very bright and fresh and shining on a summer's day. Then, oh, little +Ruth, why not look boldly at it! Why fit that tiny, precious, blessed +little foot into the cracked corner of an insensible old flagstone in +the pavement; and be so very anxious to adjust it to a nicety! + +If the Fiery-faced matron in the crunched bonnet could have seen them +as they walked away, how many years' purchase might Fiery Face have been +disposed to take for her situation in Furnival's Inn as laundress to Mr +Westlock! + +They went away, but not through London's streets! Through some enchanted +city, where the pavements were of air; where all the rough sounds of +a stirring town were softened into gentle music; where everything +was happy; where there was no distance, and no time. There were two +good-tempered burly draymen letting down big butts of beer into a +cellar, somewhere; and when John helped her--almost lifted her--the +lightest, easiest, neatest thing you ever saw--across the rope, they +said he owed them a good turn for giving him the chance. Celestial +draymen! + +Green pastures in the summer tide, deep-littered straw yards in the +winter, no start of corn and clover, ever, to that noble horse who WOULD +dance on the pavement with a gig behind him, and who frightened her, and +made her clasp his arm with both hands (both hands meeting one upon the +another so endearingly!), and caused her to implore him to take +refuge in the pastry-cook's, and afterwards to peep out at the door so +shrinkingly; and then, looking at him with those eyes, to ask him was +he sure--now was he sure--they might go safely on! Oh for a string of +rampant horses! For a lion, for a bear, for a mad bull, for anything to +bring the little hands together on his arm again! + +They talked, of course. They talked of Tom, and all these changes and +the attachment Mr Chuzzlewit had conceived for him, and the bright +prospects he had in such a friend, and a great deal more to the same +purpose. The more they talked, the more afraid this fluttering little +Ruth became of any pause; and sooner than have a pause she would say the +same things over again; and if she hadn't courage or presence of mind +enough for that (to say the truth she very seldom had), she was ten +thousand times more charming and irresistible than she had been before. + +'Martin will be married very soon now, I suppose?' said John. + +She supposed he would. Never did a bewitching little woman suppose +anything in such a faint voice as Ruth supposed that. + +But seeing that another of those alarming pauses was approaching, she +remarked that he would have a beautiful wife. Didn't Mr Westlock think +so? + +'Ye--yes,' said John, 'oh, yes.' + +She feared he was rather hard to please, he spoke so coldly. + +'Rather say already pleased,' said John. 'I have scarcely seen her. I +had no care to see her. I had no eyes for HER, this morning.' + +Oh, good gracious! + +It was well they had reached their destination. She never could have +gone any further. It would have been impossible to walk in such a +tremble. + +Tom had not come in. They entered the triangular parlour together, and +alone. Fiery Face, Fiery Face, how many years' purchase NOW! + +She sat down on the little sofa, and untied her bonnet-strings. He sat +down by her side, and very near her; very, very near her. Oh rapid, +swelling, bursting little heart, you knew that it would come to this, +and hoped it would. Why beat so wildly, heart! + +'Dear Ruth! Sweet Ruth! If I had loved you less, I could have told you +that I loved you, long ago. I have loved you from the first. There never +was a creature in the world more truly loved than you, dear Ruth, by +me!' + +She clasped her little hands before her face. The gushing tears of joy, +and pride, and hope, and innocent affection, would not be restrained. +Fresh from her full young heart they came to answer him. + +'My dear love! If this is--I almost dare to hope it is, now--not painful +or distressing to you, you make me happier than I can tell, or you +imagine. Darling Ruth! My own good, gentle, winning Ruth! I hope I know +the value of your heart, I hope I know the worth of your angel nature. +Let me try and show you that I do; and you will make me happier, Ruth--' + +'Not happier,' she sobbed, 'than you make me. No one can be happier, +John, than you make me!' + +Fiery Face, provide yourself! The usual wages or the usual warning. It's +all over, Fiery Face. We needn't trouble you any further. + +The little hands could meet each other now, without a rampant horse +to urge them. There was no occasion for lions, bears, or mad bulls. It +could all be done, and infinitely better, without their assistance. +No burly drayman or big butts of beer, were wanted for apologies. No +apology at all was wanted. The soft light touch fell coyly, but quite +naturally, upon the lover's shoulder; the delicate waist, the drooping +head, the blushing cheek, the beautiful eyes, the exquisite mouth +itself, were all as natural as possible. If all the horses in Araby had +run away at once, they couldn't have improved upon it. + +They soon began to talk of Tom again. + +'I hope he will be glad to hear of it!' said John, with sparkling eyes. + +Ruth drew the little hands a little tighter when he said it, and looked +up seriously into his face. + +'I am never to leave him, AM I, dear? I could never leave Tom. I am sure +you know that.' + +'Do you think I would ask you?' he returned, with a--well! Never mind +with what. + +'I am sure you never would,' she answered, the bright tears standing in +her eyes. + +'And I will swear it, Ruth, my darling, if you please. Leave Tom! That +would be a strange beginning. Leave Tom, dear! If Tom and we be not +inseparable, and Tom (God bless him) have not all honour and all love +in our home, my little wife, may that home never be! And that's a strong +oath, Ruth.' + +Shall it be recorded how she thanked him? Yes, it shall. In all +simplicity and innocence and purity of heart, yet with a timid, +graceful, half-determined hesitation, she set a little rosy seal upon +the vow, whose colour was reflected in her face, and flashed up to the +braiding of her dark brown hair. + +'Tom will be so happy, and so proud, and glad,' she said, clasping her +little hands. 'But so surprised! I am sure he had never thought of such +a thing.' + +Of course John asked her immediately--because you know they were in that +foolish state when great allowances must be made--when SHE had begun to +think of such a thing, and this made a little diversion in their talk; a +charming diversion to them, but not so interesting to us; at the end of +which, they came back to Tom again. + +'Ah! dear Tom!' said Ruth. 'I suppose I ought to tell you everything +now. I should have no secrets from you. Should I, John, love?' + +It is of no use saying how that preposterous John answered her, because +he answered in a manner which is untranslatable on paper though highly +satisfactory in itself. But what he conveyed was, No no no, sweet Ruth; +or something to that effect. + +Then she told him Tom's great secret; not exactly saying how she had +found it out, but leaving him to understand it if he liked; and John was +sadly grieved to hear it, and was full of sympathy and sorrow. But they +would try, he said, only the more, on this account to make him happy, +and to beguile him with his favourite pursuits. And then, in all the +confidence of such a time, he told her how he had a capital opportunity +of establishing himself in his old profession in the country; and how he +had been thinking, in the event of that happiness coming upon him which +had actually come--there was another slight diversion here--how he had +been thinking that it would afford occupation to Tom, and enable them to +live together in the easiest manner, without any sense of dependence on +Tom's part; and to be as happy as the day was long. And Ruth receiving +this with joy, they went on catering for Tom to that extent that they +had already purchased him a select library and built him an organ, on +which he was performing with the greatest satisfaction, when they heard +him knocking at the door. + +Though she longed to tell him what had happened, poor little Ruth was +greatly agitated by his arrival; the more so because she knew that Mr +Chuzzlewit was with him. So she said, all in a tremble: + +'What shall I do, dear John! I can't bear that he should hear it from +any one but me, and I could not tell him, unless we were alone.' + +'Do, my love,' said John, 'whatever is natural to you on the impulse of +the moment, and I am sure it will be right.' + +He had hardly time to say thus much, and Ruth had hardly time to--just +to get a little farther off--upon the sofa, when Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit +came in. Mr Chuzzlewit came first, and Tom was a few seconds behind him. + +Now Ruth had hastily resolved that she would beckon Tom upstairs after +a short time, and would tell him in his little bedroom. But when she saw +his dear old face come in, her heart was so touched that she ran into +his arms, and laid her head down on his breast and sobbed out, 'Bless +me, Tom! My dearest brother!' + +Tom looked up, in surprise, and saw John Westlock close beside him, +holding out his hand. + +'John!' cried Tom. 'John!' + +'Dear Tom,' said his friend, 'give me your hand. We are brothers, Tom.' + +Tom wrung it with all his force, embraced his sister fervently, and put +her in John Westlock's arms. + +'Don't speak to me, John. Heaven is very good to us. I--' Tom could find +no further utterance, but left the room; and Ruth went after him. + +And when they came back, which they did by-and-bye, she looked more +beautiful, and Tom more good and true (if that were possible) than ever. +And though Tom could not speak upon the subject even now; being yet +too newly glad, he put both his hands in both of John's with emphasis +sufficient for the best speech ever spoken. + +'I am glad you chose to-day,' said Mr Chuzzlewit to John; with the same +knowing smile as when they had left him. 'I thought you would. I hoped +Tom and I lingered behind a discreet time. It's so long since I had +any practical knowledge of these subjects, that I have been anxious, I +assure you.' + +'Your knowledge is still pretty accurate, sir,' returned John, laughing, +'if it led you to foresee what would happen to-day.' + +'Why, I am not sure, Mr Westlock,' said the old man, 'that any great +spirit of prophecy was needed, after seeing you and Ruth together. Come +hither, pretty one. See what Tom and I purchased this morning, while you +were dealing in exchange with that young merchant there.' + +The old man's way of seating her beside him, and humouring his voice as +if she were a child, was whimsical enough, but full of tenderness, and +not ill adapted, somehow, to little Ruth. + +'See here!' he said, taking a case from his pocket, 'what a beautiful +necklace. Ah! How it glitters! Earrings, too, and bracelets, and a zone +for your waist. This set is yours, and Mary has another like it. Tom +couldn't understand why I wanted two. What a short-sighted Tom! Earrings +and bracelets, and a zone for your waist! Ah! Beautiful! Let us see how +brave they look. Ask Mr Westlock to clasp them on.' + +It was the prettiest thing to see her holding out her round, white arm; +and John (oh deep, deep John!) pretending that the bracelet was very +hard to fasten; it was the prettiest thing to see her girding on the +precious little zone, and yet obliged to have assistance because her +fingers were in such terrible perplexity; it was the prettiest thing +to see her so confused and bashful, with the smiles and blushes playing +brightly on her face, like the sparkling light upon the jewels; it was +the prettiest thing that you would see, in the common experiences of a +twelvemonth, rely upon it. + +'The set of jewels and the wearer are so well matched,' said the old +man, 'that I don't know which becomes the other most. Mr Westlock could +tell me, I have no doubt, but I'll not ask him, for he is bribed. Health +to wear them, my dear, and happiness to make you forgetful of them, +except as a remembrance from a loving friend!' + +He patted her upon the cheek, and said to Tom: + +'I must play the part of a father here, Tom, also. There are not many +fathers who marry two such daughters on the same day; but we will +overlook the improbability for the gratification of an old man's fancy. +I may claim that much indulgence,' he added, 'for I have gratified few +fancies enough in my life tending to the happiness of others, Heaven +knows!' + +These various proceedings had occupied so much time, and they fell into +such a pleasant conversation now, that it was within a quarter of an +hour of the time appointed for dinner before any of them thought about +it. A hackney-coach soon carried them to the Temple, however; and there +they found everything prepared for their reception. + +Mr Tapley having been furnished with unlimited credentials relative to +the ordering of dinner, had so exerted himself for the honour of the +party, that a prodigious banquet was served, under the joint direction +of himself and his Intended. Mr Chuzzlewit would have had them of the +party, and Martin urgently seconded his wish, but Mark could by no means +be persuaded to sit down at table; observing, that in having the honour +of attending to their comforts, he felt himself, indeed, the landlord of +the Jolly Tapley, and could almost delude himself into the belief that +the entertainment was actually being held under the Jolly Tapley's roof. + +For the better encouragement of himself in this fable, Mr Tapley took +it upon him to issue divers general directions to the waiters from the +hotel, relative to the disposal of the dishes and so forth; and as they +were usually in direct opposition to all precedent, and were always +issued in his most facetious form of thought and speech, they occasioned +great merriment among those attendants; in which Mr Tapley participated, +with an infinite enjoyment of his own humour. He likewise entertained +them with short anecdotes of his travels appropriate to the occasion; +and now and then with some comic passage or other between himself and +Mrs Lupin; so that explosive laughs were constantly issuing from the +side-board, and from the backs of chairs; and the head-waiter (who wore +powder, and knee-smalls, and was usually a grave man) got to be a bright +scarlet in the face, and broke his waistcoat-strings audibly. + +Young Martin sat at the head of the table, and Tom Pinch at the foot; +and if there were a genial face at that board, it was Tom's. They all +took their tone from Tom. Everybody drank to him, everybody looked to +him, everybody thought of him, everybody loved him. If he so much as +laid down his knife and fork, somebody put out a hand to shake with him. +Martin and Mary had taken him aside before dinner, and spoken to him so +heartily of the time to come, laying such fervent stress upon the trust +they had in his completion of their felicity, by his society and closest +friendship, that Tom was positively moved to tears. He couldn't bear it. +His heart was full, he said, of happiness. And so it was. Tom spoke the +honest truth. It was. Large as thy heart was, dear Tom Pinch, it had no +room that day for anything but happiness and sympathy! + +And there was Fips, old Fips of Austin Friars, present at the dinner, +and turning out to be the jolliest old dog that ever did violence to his +convivial sentiments by shutting himself up in a dark office. 'Where is +he?' said Fips, when he came in. And then he pounced on Tom, and told +him that he wanted to relieve himself of all his old constraint; and in +the first place shook him by one hand, and in the second place shook him +by the other, and in the third place nudged him in the waistcoat, and in +the fourth place said, 'How are you?' and in a great many other places +did a great many other things to show his friendliness and joy. And he +sang songs, did Fips; and made speeches, did Fips; and knocked off his +wine pretty handsomely, did Fips; and in short, he showed himself a +perfect Trump, did Fips, in all respects. + +But ah! the happiness of strolling home at night--obstinate little Ruth, +she wouldn't hear of riding!--as they had done on that dear night, from +Furnival's Inn! The happiness of being able to talk about it, and to +confide their happiness to each other! The happiness of stating all +their little plans to Tom, and seeing his bright face grow brighter as +they spoke! + +When they reached home, Tom left John and his sister in the parlour, and +went upstairs into his own room, under pretence of seeking a book. And +Tom actually winked to himself when he got upstairs; he thought it such +a deep thing to have done. + +'They like to be by themselves, of course,' said Tom; 'and I came away +so naturally, that I have no doubt they are expecting me, every moment, +to return. That's capital!' + +But he had not sat reading very long, when he heard a tap at his door. + +'May I come in?' said John. + +'Oh, surely!' Tom replied. + +'Don't leave us, Tom. Don't sit by yourself. We want to make you merry; +not melancholy.' + +'My dear friend,' said Tom, with a cheerful smile. + +'Brother, Tom. Brother.' + +'My dear brother,' said Tom; 'there is no danger of my being melancholy, +how can I be melancholy, when I know that you and Ruth are so blest in +each other! I think I can find my tongue tonight, John,' he added, after +a moment's pause. 'But I never can tell you what unutterable joy this +day has given me. It would be unjust to you to speak of your having +chosen a portionless girl, for I feel that you know her worth; I am sure +you know her worth. Nor will it diminish in your estimation, John, which +money might.' + +'Which money would, Tom,' he returned. 'Her worth! Oh, who could see her +here, and not love her! Who could know her, Tom, and not honour her! Who +could ever stand possessed of such a heart as hers, and grow indifferent +to the treasure! Who could feel the rapture that I feel to-day, and love +as I love her, Tom, without knowing something of her worth! Your joy +unutterable! No, no, Tom. It's mine, it's mine. + +'No, no, John,' said Tom. 'It's mine, it's mine.' + +Their friendly contention was brought to a close by little Ruth herself, +who came peeping in at the door. And oh, the look, the glorious, +half-proud, half-timid look she gave Tom, when her lover drew her to his +side! As much as to say, 'Yes, indeed, Tom, he will do it. But then he +has a right, you know. Because I AM fond of him, Tom.' + +As to Tom, he was perfectly delighted. He could have sat and looked at +them, just as they were, for hours. + +'I have told Tom, love, as we agreed, that we are not going to permit +him to run away, and that we cannot possibly allow it. The loss of one +person, and such a person as Tom, too, out of our small household of +three, is not to be endured; and so I have told him. Whether he is +considerate, or whether he is only selfish, I don't know. But he needn't +be considerate, for he is not the least restraint upon us. Is he, +dearest Ruth?' + +Well! He really did not seem to be any particular restraint upon them. +Judging from what ensued. + +Was it folly in Tom to be so pleased by their remembrance of him at +such a time? Was their graceful love a folly, were their dear caresses +follies, was their lengthened parting folly? Was it folly in him to +watch her window from the street, and rate its scantiest gleam of light +above all diamonds; folly in her to breathe his name upon her knees, and +pour out her pure heart before that Being from whom such hearts and such +affections come? + +If these be follies, then Fiery Face go on and prosper! If they be not, +then Fiery Face avaunt! But set the crunched bonnet at some other single +gentleman, in any case, for one is lost to thee for ever! + + + +CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR + +GIVES THE AUTHOR GREAT CONCERN. FOR IT IS THE LAST IN THE BOOK + + +Todger's was in high feather, and mighty preparations for a late +breakfast were astir in its commercial bowers. The blissful morning +had arrived when Miss Pecksniff was to be united in holy matrimony, to +Augustus. + +Miss Pecksniff was in a frame of mind equally becoming to herself and +the occasion. She was full of clemency and conciliation. She had laid +in several caldrons of live coals, and was prepared to heap them on the +heads of her enemies. She bore no spite nor malice in her heart. Not the +least. + +Quarrels, Miss Pecksniff said, were dreadful things in families; and +though she never could forgive her dear papa, she was willing to receive +her other relations. They had been separated, she observed, too long. +It was enough to call down a judgment upon the family. She believed the +death of Jonas WAS a judgment on them for their internal dissensions. +And Miss Pecksniff was confirmed in this belief, by the lightness with +which the visitation had fallen on herself. + +By way of doing sacrifice--not in triumph; not, of course, in triumph, +but in humiliation of spirit--this amiable young person wrote, +therefore, to her kinswoman of the strong mind, and informed her that +her nuptials would take place on such a day. That she had been much hurt +by the unnatural conduct of herself and daughters, and hoped they might +not have suffered in their consciences. That, being desirous to forgive +her enemies, and make her peace with the world before entering into the +most solemn of covenants with the most devoted of men, she now held out +the hand of friendship. That if the strong-minded women took that hand, +in the temper in which it was extended to her, she, Miss Pecksniff, +did invite her to be present at the ceremony of her marriage, and did +furthermore invite the three red-nosed spinsters, her daughters +(but Miss Pecksniff did not particularize their noses), to attend as +bridesmaids. + +The strong-minded women returned for answer, that herself and daughters +were, as regarded their consciences, in the enjoyment of robust health, +which she knew Miss Pecksniff would be glad to hear. That she had +received Miss Pecksniff's note with unalloyed delight, because she +never had attached the least importance to the paltry and insignificant +jealousies with which herself and circle had been assailed; otherwise +than as she had found them, in the contemplation, a harmless source of +innocent mirth. That she would joyfully attend Miss Pecksniff's bridal; +and that her three dear daughters would be happy to assist, on so +interesting, and SO VERY UNEXPECTED--which the strong-minded woman +underlined--SO VERY UNEXPECTED an occasion. + +On the receipt of this gracious reply, Miss Pecksniff extended her +forgiveness and her invitations to Mr and Mrs Spottletoe; to Mr George +Chuzzlewit the bachelor cousin; to the solitary female who usually had +the toothache; and to the hairy young gentleman with the outline of +a face; surviving remnants of the party that had once assembled in Mr +Pecksniff's parlour. After which Miss Pecksniff remarked that there was +a sweetness in doing our duty, which neutralized the bitter in our cups. + +The wedding guests had not yet assembled, and indeed it was so early +that Miss Pecksniff herself was in the act of dressing at her leisure, +when a carriage stopped near the Monument; and Mark, dismounting from +the rumble, assisted Mr Chuzzlewit to alight. The carriage remained in +waiting; so did Mr Tapley. Mr Chuzzlewit betook himself to Todger's. + +He was shown, by the degenerate successor of Mr Bailey, into the +dining-parlour; where--for his visit was expected--Mrs Todgers +immediately appeared. + +'You are dressed, I see, for the wedding,' he said. + +Mrs Todgers, who was greatly flurried by the preparations, replied in +the affirmative. + +'It goes against my wishes to have it in progress just now, I assure +you, sir,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but Miss Pecksniff's mind was set upon it, +and it really is time that Miss Pecksniff was married. That cannot be +denied, sir.' + +'No,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'assuredly not. Her sister takes no part in +the proceedings?' + +'Oh, dear no, sir. Poor thing!' said Mrs Todgers, shaking her head, and +dropping her voice. 'Since she has known the worst, she has never left +my room; the next room.' + +'Is she prepared to see me?' he inquired. + +'Quite prepared, sir.' + +'Then let us lose no time.' + +Mrs Todgers conducted him into the little back chamber commanding the +prospect of the cistern; and there, sadly different from when it had +first been her lodging, sat poor Merry, in mourning weeds. The room +looked very dark and sorrowful; and so did she; but she had one friend +beside her, faithful to the last. Old Chuffey. + +When Mr Chuzzlewit sat down at her side, she took his hand and put it +to her lips. She was in great grief. He too was agitated; for he had not +seen her since their parting in the churchyard. + +'I judged you hastily,' he said, in a low voice. 'I fear I judged you +cruelly. Let me know that I have your forgiveness.' + +She kissed his hand again; and retaining it in hers, thanked him in a +broken voice, for all his kindness to her since. + +'Tom Pinch,' said Martin, 'has faithfully related to me all that you +desired him to convey; at a time when he deemed it very improbable that +he would ever have an opportunity of delivering your message. Believe +me, that if I ever deal again with an ill-advised and unawakened +nature, hiding the strength it thinks its weakness, I will have long and +merciful consideration for it.' + +'You had for me; even for me,' she answered. 'I quite believe it. I said +the words you have repeated, when my distress was very sharp and hard to +bear; I say them now for others; but I cannot urge them for myself. +You spoke to me after you had seen and watched me day by day. There +was great consideration in that. You might have spoken, perhaps, +more kindly; you might have tried to invite my confidence by greater +gentleness; but the end would have been the same.' + +He shook his head in doubt, and not without some inward self-reproach. + +'How can I hope,' she said, 'that your interposition would have +prevailed with me, when I know how obdurate I was! I never thought at +all; dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I never thought at all; I had no thought, +no heart, no care to find one; at that time. It has grown out of my +trouble. I have felt it in my trouble. I wouldn't recall my trouble such +as it is and has been--and it is light in comparison with trials which +hundreds of good people suffer every day, I know--I wouldn't recall +it to-morrow, if I could. It has been my friend, for without it no one +could have changed me; nothing could have changed me. Do not mistrust me +because of these tears; I cannot help them. I am grateful for it, in my +soul. Indeed I am!' + +'Indeed she is!' said Mrs Todgers. 'I believe it, sir.' + +'And so do I!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Now, attend to me, my dear. Your +late husband's estate, if not wasted by the confession of a large debt +to the broken office (which document, being useless to the runaways, +has been sent over to England by them; not so much for the sake of the +creditors as for the gratification of their dislike to him, whom they +suppose to be still living), will be seized upon by law; for it is not +exempt, as I learn, from the claims of those who have suffered by the +fraud in which he was engaged. Your father's property was all, or nearly +all, embarked in the same transaction. If there be any left, it will be +seized on, in like manner. There is no home THERE.' + +'I couldn't return to him,' she said, with an instinctive reference to +his having forced her marriage on. 'I could not return to him.' + +'I know it,' Mr Chuzzlewit resumed; 'and I am here because I know +it. Come with me! From all who are about me, you are certain (I +have ascertained it) of a generous welcome. But until your health is +re-established, and you are sufficiently composed to bear that welcome, +you shall have your abode in any quiet retreat of your own choosing, +near London; not so far removed but that this kind-hearted lady may +still visit you as often as she pleases. You have suffered much; but you +are young, and have a brighter and a better future stretching out before +you. Come with me. Your sister is careless of you, I know. She hurries +on and publishes her marriage, in a spirit which (to say no more of it) +is barely decent, is unsisterly, and bad. Leave the house before her +guests arrive. She means to give you pain. Spare her the offence, and +come with me!' + +Mrs Todgers, though most unwilling to part with her, added her +persuasions. Even poor old Chuffey (of course included in the project) +added his. She hurriedly attired herself, and was ready to depart, when +Miss Pecksniff dashed into the room. + +Miss Pecksniff dashed in so suddenly, that she was placed in an +embarrassing position. For though she had completed her bridal toilette +as to her head, on which she wore a bridal bonnet with orange flowers, +she had not completed it as to her skirts, which displayed no choicer +decoration than a dimity bedgown. She had dashed in, in fact, about +half-way through, to console her sister, in her affliction, with a sight +of the aforesaid bonnet; and being quite unconscious of the presence of +a visitor, until she found Mr Chuzzlewit standing face to face with her, +her surprise was an uncomfortable one. + +'So, young lady!' said the old man, eyeing her with strong disfavour. +'You are to be married to-day!' + +'Yes, sir,' returned Miss Pecksniff, modestly. 'I am. I--my dress is +rather--really, Mrs Todgers!' + +'Your delicacy,' said old Martin, 'is troubled, I perceive. I am not +surprised to find it so. You have chosen the period of your marriage +unfortunately.' + +'I beg your pardon, Mr Chuzzlewit,' retorted Cherry; very red and angry +in a moment; 'but if you have anything to say on that subject, I must +beg to refer you to Augustus. You will scarcely think it manly, I hope, +to force an argument on me, when Augustus is at all times ready to +discuss it with you. I have nothing to do with any deceptions that may +have been practiced on my parent,' said Miss Pecksniff, pointedly; 'and +as I wish to be on good terms with everybody at such a time, I should +have been glad if you would have favoured us with your company at +breakfast. But I will not ask you as it is; seeing that you have been +prepossessed and set against me in another quarter. I hope I have my +natural affections for another quarter, and my natural pity for +another quarter; but I cannot always submit to be subservient to it, Mr +Chuzzlewit. That would be a little too much. I trust I have more respect +for myself, as well as for the man who claims me as his Bride.' + +'Your sister, meeting--as I think; not as she says, for she has said +nothing about it--with little consideration from you, is going away with +me,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. + +'I am very happy to find that she has some good fortune at last,' +returned Miss Pecksniff, tossing her head. 'I congratulate her, I +am sure. I am not surprised that this event should be painful to +her--painful to her--but I can't help that, Mr Chuzzlewit. It's not my +fault.' + +'Come, Miss Pecksniff!' said the old man, quietly. 'I should like to see +a better parting between you. I should like to see a better parting on +your side, in such circumstances. It would make me your friend. You may +want a friend one day or other.' + +'Every relation of life, Mr Chuzzlewit, begging your pardon; and every +friend in life,' returned Miss Pecksniff, with dignity, 'is now bound up +and cemented in Augustus. So long as Augustus is my own, I cannot want +a friend. When you speak of friends, sir, I must beg, once for all, to +refer you to Augustus. That is my impression of the religious ceremony +in which I am so soon to take a part at that altar to which Augustus +will conduct me. I bear no malice at any time, much less in a moment of +triumph, towards any one; much less towards my sister. On the contrary, +I congratulate her. If you didn't hear me say so, I am not to blame. +And as I owe it to Augustus, to be punctual on an occasion when he may +naturally be supposed to be--to be impatient--really, Mrs Todgers!--I +must beg your leave, sir, to retire.' + +After these words the bridal bonnet disappeared; with as much state as +the dimity bedgown left in it. + +Old Martin gave his arm to the younger sister without speaking; and led +her out. Mrs Todgers, with her holiday garments fluttering in the wind, +accompanied them to the carriage, clung round Merry's neck at parting, +and ran back to her own dingy house, crying the whole way. She had +a lean, lank body, Mrs Todgers, but a well-conditioned soul within. +Perhaps the good Samaritan was lean and lank, and found it hard to live. +Who knows! + +Mr Chuzzlewit followed her so closely with his eyes, that, until she had +shut her own door, they did not encounter Mr Tapley's face. + +'Why, Mark!' he said, as soon as he observed it, 'what's the matter?' + +'The wonderfulest ewent, sir!' returned Mark, pumping at his voice in +a most laborious manner, and hardly able to articulate with all his +efforts. 'A coincidence as never was equalled! I'm blessed if here ain't +two old neighbours of ourn, sir!' + +'What neighbours?' cried old Martin, looking out of window. 'Where?' + +'I was a-walkin' up and down not five yards from this spot,' said Mr +Tapley, breathless, 'and they come upon me like their own ghosts, as I +thought they was! It's the wonderfulest ewent that ever happened. Bring +a feather, somebody, and knock me down with it!' + +'What do you mean!' exclaimed old Martin, quite as much excited by +the spectacle of Mark's excitement as that strange person was himself. +'Neighbours, where?' + +'Here, sir!' replied Mr Tapley. 'Here in the city of London! Here upon +these very stones! Here they are, sir! Don't I know 'em? Lord love their +welcome faces, don't I know 'em!' + +With which ejaculations Mr Tapley not only pointed to a decent-looking +man and woman standing by, but commenced embracing them alternately, +over and over again, in Monument Yard. + +'Neighbours, WHERE? old Martin shouted; almost maddened by his +ineffectual efforts to get out at the coach-door. + +'Neighbours in America! Neighbours in Eden!' cried Mark. 'Neighbours in +the swamp, neighbours in the bush, neighbours in the fever. Didn't she +nurse us! Didn't he help us! Shouldn't we both have died without 'em! +Haven't they come a-strugglin' back, without a single child for their +consolation! And talk to me of neighbours!' + +Away he went again, in a perfectly wild state, hugging them, and +skipping round them, and cutting in between them, as if he were +performing some frantic and outlandish dance. + +Mr Chuzzlewit no sooner gathered who these people were, than he burst +open the coach-door somehow or other, and came tumbling out among them; +and as if the lunacy of Mr Tapley were contagious, he immediately began +to shake hands too, and exhibit every demonstration of the liveliest +joy. + +'Get up, behind!' he said. 'Get up in the rumble. Come along with me! Go +you on the box, Mark. Home! Home!' + +'Home!' cried Mr Tapley, seizing the old man's hand in a burst of +enthusiasm. 'Exactly my opinion, sir. Home for ever! Excuse the liberty, +sir, I can't help it. Success to the Jolly Tapley! There's nothin' in +the house they shan't have for the askin' for, except a bill. Home to be +sure! Hurrah!' + +Home they rolled accordingly, when he had got the old man in again, as +fast as they could go; Mark abating nothing of his fervour by the way, +by allowing it to vent itself as unrestrainedly as if he had been on +Salisbury Plain. + +And now the wedding party began to assemble at Todgers's. Mr Jinkins, +the only boarder invited, was on the ground first. He wore a white +favour in his button-hole, and a bran new extra super double-milled blue +saxony dress coat (that was its description in the bill), with a variety +of tortuous embellishments about the pockets, invented by the artist +to do honour to the day. The miserable Augustus no longer felt strongly +even on the subject of Jinkins. He hadn't strength of mind enough to do +it. 'Let him come!' he had said, in answer to Miss Pecksniff, when she +urged the point. 'Let him come! He has ever been my rock ahead through +life. 'Tis meet he should be there. Ha, ha! Oh, yes! let Jinkins come!' + +Jinkins had come with all the pleasure in life, and there he was. For +some few minutes he had no companion but the breakfast, which was set +forth in the drawing-room, with unusual taste and ceremony. But Mrs +Todgers soon joined him; and the bachelor cousin, the hairy young +gentleman, and Mr and Mrs Spottletoe, arrived in quick succession. + +Mr Spottletoe honoured Jinkins with an encouraging bow. 'Glad to know +you, sir,' he said. 'Give you joy!' Under the impression that Jinkins +was the happy man. + +Mr Jinkins explained. He was merely doing the honours for his friend +Moddle, who had ceased to reside in the house, and had not yet arrived. + +'Not arrived, sir!' exclaimed Spottletoe, in a great heat. + +'Not yet,' said Mr Jinkins. + +'Upon my soul!' cried Spottletoe. 'He begins well! Upon my life and +honour this young man begins well! But I should very much like to know +how it is that every one who comes into contact with this family is +guilty of some gross insult to it. Death! Not arrived yet. Not here to +receive us!' + +The nephew with the outline of a countenance, suggested that perhaps he +had ordered a new pair of boots, and they hadn't come home. + +'Don't talk to me of Boots, sir!' retorted Spottletoe, with immense +indignation. 'He is bound to come here in his slippers then; he is bound +to come here barefoot. Don't offer such a wretched and evasive plea to +me on behalf of your friend, as Boots, sir.' + +'He is not MY friend,' said the nephew. 'I never saw him.' + +'Very well, sir,' returned the fiery Spottletoe. 'Then don't talk to +me!' + +The door was thrown open at this juncture, and Miss Pecksniff entered, +tottering, and supported by her three bridesmaids. The strong-minded +woman brought up the rear; having waited outside until now, for the +purpose of spoiling the effect. + +'How do you do, ma'am!' said Spottletoe to the strong-minded woman in a +tone of defiance. 'I believe you see Mrs Spottletoe, ma'am?' + +The strong-minded woman with an air of great interest in Mrs +Spottletoe's health, regretted that she was not more easily seen. Nature +erring, in that lady's case, upon the slim side. + +'Mrs Spottletoe is at least more easily seen than the bridegroom, +ma'am,' returned that lady's husband. 'That is, unless he has confined +his attentions to any particular part or branch of this family, which +would be quite in keeping with its usual proceedings.' + +'If you allude to me, sir--' the strong-minded woman began. + +'Pray,' interposed Miss Pecksniff, 'do not allow Augustus, at this awful +moment of his life and mine, to be the means of disturbing that harmony +which it is ever Augustus's and my wish to maintain. Augustus has not +been introduced to any of my relations now present. He preferred not.' + +'Why, then, I venture to assert,' cried Mr Spottletoe, 'that the man who +aspires to join this family, and "prefers not" to be introduced to its +members, is an impertinent Puppy. That is my opinion of HIM!' + +The strong-minded woman remarked with great suavity, that she was afraid +he must be. Her three daughters observed aloud that it was 'Shameful!' + +'You do not know Augustus,' said Miss Pecksniff, tearfully, 'indeed you +do not know him. Augustus is all mildness and humility. Wait till you +see Augustus, and I am sure he will conciliate your affections.' + +'The question arises,' said Spottletoe, folding his arms: 'How long we +are to wait. I am not accustomed to wait; that's the fact. And I want to +know how long we are expected to wait.' + +'Mrs Todgers!' said Charity, 'Mr Jinkins! I am afraid there must be some +mistake. I think Augustus must have gone straight to the Altar!' + +As such a thing was possible, and the church was close at hand, Mr +Jinkins ran off to see, accompanied by Mr George Chuzzlewit the bachelor +cousin, who preferred anything to the aggravation of sitting near the +breakfast, without being able to eat it. But they came back with no +other tidings than a familiar message from the clerk, importing that if +they wanted to be married that morning they had better look sharp, as +the curate wasn't going to wait there all day. + +The bride was now alarmed; seriously alarmed. Good Heavens, what could +have happened! Augustus! Dear Augustus! + +Mr Jinkins volunteered to take a cab, and seek him at the +newly-furnished house. The strong-minded woman administered comfort to +Miss Pecksniff. 'It was a specimen of what she had to expect. It would +do her good. It would dispel the romance of the affair.' The red-nosed +daughters also administered the kindest comfort. 'Perhaps he'd come,' +they said. The sketchy nephew hinted that he might have fallen off a +bridge. The wrath of Mr Spottletoe resisted all the entreaties of his +wife. Everybody spoke at once, and Miss Pecksniff, with clasped hands, +sought consolation everywhere and found it nowhere, when Jinkins, having +met the postman at the door, came back with a letter, which he put into +her hand. + +Miss Pecksniff opened it, uttered a piercing shriek, threw it down upon +the ground, and fainted away. + +They picked it up; and crowding round, and looking over one another's +shoulders, read, in the words and dashes following, this communication: + + +'OFF GRAVESEND. + +'CLIPPER SCHOONER, CUPID + +'Wednesday night + +'EVER INJURED MISS PECKSNIFF--Ere this reaches you, the undersigned +will be--if not a corpse--on the way to Van Dieman's Land. Send not in +pursuit. I never will be taken alive! + +'The burden--300 tons per register--forgive, if in my distraction, +I allude to the ship--on my mind--has been truly dreadful. +Frequently--when you have sought to soothe my brow with kisses--has +self-destruction flashed across me. Frequently--incredible as it may +seem--have I abandoned the idea. + +'I love another. She is Another's. Everything appears to be somebody +else's. Nothing in the world is mine--not even my Situation--which I +have forfeited--by my rash conduct--in running away. + +'If you ever loved me, hear my last appeal! The last appeal of a +miserable and blighted exile. Forward the inclosed--it is the key of my +desk--to the office--by hand. Please address to Bobbs and Cholberry--I +mean to Chobbs and Bolberry--but my mind is totally unhinged. I left a +penknife--with a buckhorn handle--in your work-box. It will repay the +messenger. May it make him happier than ever it did me! + +'Oh, Miss Pecksniff, why didn't you leave me alone! Was it not cruel, +CRUEL! Oh, my goodness, have you not been a witness of my feelings--have +you not seen them flowing from my eyes--did you not, yourself, reproach +me with weeping more than usual on that dreadful night when last we +met--in that house--where I once was peaceful--though blighted--in the +society of Mrs Todgers! + +'But it was written--in the Talmud--that you should involve yourself in +the inscrutable and gloomy Fate which it is my mission to accomplish, +and which wreathes itself--e'en now--about in temples. I will not +reproach, for I have wronged you. May the Furniture make some amends! + +'Farewell! Be the proud bride of a ducal coronet, and forget me! +Long may it be before you know the anguish with which I now subscribe +myself--amid the tempestuous howlings of the--sailors, + +'Unalterably, + +'Never yours, + +'AUGUSTUS.' + + +They thought as little of Miss Pecksniff, while they greedily perused +this letter, as if she were the very last person on earth whom it +concerned. But Miss Pecksniff really had fainted away. The bitterness of +her mortification; the bitterness of having summoned witnesses, and +such witnesses, to behold it; the bitterness of knowing that the +strong-minded women and the red-nosed daughters towered triumphant in +this hour of their anticipated overthrow; was too much to be borne. Miss +Pecksniff had fainted away in earnest. + + +What sounds are these that fall so grandly on the ear! What darkening +room is this! + +And that mild figure seated at an organ, who is he! Ah Tom, dear Tom, +old friend! + +Thy head is prematurely grey, though Time has passed thee and our old +association, Tom. But, in those sounds with which it is thy wont to bear +the twilight company, the music of thy heart speaks out--the story of +thy life relates itself. + +Thy life is tranquil, calm, and happy, Tom. In the soft strain which +ever and again comes stealing back upon the ear, the memory of thine +old love may find a voice perhaps; but it is a pleasant, softened, +whispering memory, like that in which we sometimes hold the dead, and +does not pain or grieve thee, God be thanked. + +Touch the notes lightly, Tom, as lightly as thou wilt, but never will +thine hand fall half so lightly on that Instrument as on the head of +thine old tyrant brought down very, very low; and never will it make as +hollow a response to any touch of thine, as he does always. + +For a drunken, begging, squalid, letter-writing man, called Pecksniff, +with a shrewish daughter, haunts thee, Tom; and when he makes appeals to +thee for cash, reminds thee that he built thy fortunes better than his +own; and when he spends it, entertains the alehouse company with tales +of thine ingratitude and his munificence towards thee once upon a time; +and then he shows his elbows worn in holes, and puts his soleless +shoes up on a bench, and begs his auditors look there, while thou art +comfortably housed and clothed. All known to thee, and yet all borne +with, Tom! + +So, with a smile upon thy face, thou passest gently to another +measure--to a quicker and more joyful one--and little feet are used to +dance about thee at the sound, and bright young eyes to glance up +into thine. And there is one slight creature, Tom--her child; not +Ruth's--whom thine eyes follow in the romp and dance; who, wondering +sometimes to see thee look so thoughtful, runs to climb up on thy knee, +and put her cheek to thine; who loves thee, Tom, above the rest, if that +can be; and falling sick once, chose thee for her nurse, and never knew +impatience, Tom, when thou wert by her side. + +Thou glidest, now, into a graver air; an air devoted to old friends and +bygone times; and in thy lingering touch upon the keys, and the rich +swelling of the mellow harmony, they rise before thee. The spirit of +that old man dead, who delighted to anticipate thy wants, and never +ceased to honour thee, is there, among the rest; repeating, with a face +composed and calm, the words he said to thee upon his bed, and blessing +thee! + +And coming from a garden, Tom, bestrewn with flowers by children's +hands, thy sister, little Ruth, as light of foot and heart as in old +days, sits down beside thee. From the Present, and the Past, with which +she is so tenderly entwined in all thy thoughts, thy strain soars onward +to the Future. As it resounds within thee and without, the noble music, +rolling round ye both, shuts out the grosser prospect of an earthly +parting, and uplifts ye both to Heaven! + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Life And Adventures Of Martin +Chuzzlewit, by Charles Dickens + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT *** + +***** This file should be named 968.txt or 968.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/9/6/968/ + +Produced by Donald Lainson; David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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