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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit, by 
+Charles Dickens
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Life And Adventures Of Martin Chuzzlewit
+
+Author: Charles Dickens
+
+Release Date: April 27, 2006 [EBook #968]
+[Last updated: April 18, 2011]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Donald Lainson
+
+
+
+
+
+LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT
+
+by Charles Dickens
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE
+
+What is exaggeration to one class of minds and perceptions, is plain
+truth to another. That which is commonly called a long-sight, perceives
+in a prospect innumerable features and bearings non-existent to
+a short-sighted person. I sometimes ask myself whether there may
+occasionally be a difference of this kind between some writers and some
+readers; whether it is ALWAYS the writer who colours highly, or whether
+it is now and then the reader whose eye for colour is a little dull?
+
+On this head of exaggeration I have a positive experience, more curious
+than the speculation I have just set down. It is this: I have never
+touched a character precisely from the life, but some counterpart of
+that character has incredulously asked me: "Now really, did I ever
+really, see one like it?"
+
+All the Pecksniff family upon earth are quite agreed, I believe, that
+Mr Pecksniff is an exaggeration, and that no such character ever
+existed. I will not offer any plea on his behalf to so powerful and
+genteel a body, but will make a remark on the character of Jonas
+Chuzzlewit.
+
+I conceive that the sordid coarseness and brutality of Jonas would be
+unnatural, if there had been nothing in his early education, and in the
+precept and example always before him, to engender and develop the vices
+that make him odious. But, so born and so bred, admired for that which
+made him hateful, and justified from his cradle in cunning, treachery,
+and avarice; I claim him as the legitimate issue of the father upon whom
+those vices are seen to recoil. And I submit that their recoil upon that
+old man, in his unhonoured age, is not a mere piece of poetical justice,
+but is the extreme exposition of a direct truth.
+
+I make this comment, and solicit the reader's attention to it in his or
+her consideration of this tale, because nothing is more common in real
+life than a want of profitable reflection on the causes of many vices
+and crimes that awaken the general horror. What is substantially true of
+families in this respect, is true of a whole commonwealth. As we sow,
+we reap. Let the reader go into the children's side of any prison in
+England, or, I grieve to add, of many workhouses, and judge whether
+those are monsters who disgrace our streets, people our hulks and
+penitentiaries, and overcrowd our penal colonies, or are creatures whom
+we have deliberately suffered to be bred for misery and ruin.
+
+The American portion of this story is in no other respect a caricature
+than as it is an exhibition, for the most part (Mr Bevan expected), of
+a ludicrous side, ONLY, of the American character--of that side which
+was, four-and-twenty years ago, from its nature, the most obtrusive, and
+the most likely to be seen by such travellers as Young Martin and Mark
+Tapley. As I had never, in writing fiction, had any disposition to
+soften what is ridiculous or wrong at home, so I then hoped that the
+good-humored people of the United States would not be generally disposed
+to quarrel with me for carrying the same usage abroad. I am happy to
+believe that my confidence in that great nation was not misplaced.
+
+When this book was first published, I was given to understand, by some
+authorities, that the Watertoast Association and eloquence were beyond
+all bounds of belief. Therefore I record the fact that all that portion
+of Martin Chuzzlewit's experiences is a literal paraphrase of some
+reports of public proceedings in the United States (especially of the
+proceedings of a certain Brandywine Association), which were printed in
+the Times Newspaper in June and July, 1843--at about the time when I was
+engaged in writing those parts of the book; and which remain on the file
+of the Times Newspaper, of course.
+
+In all my writings, I hope I have taken every available opportunity of
+showing the want of sanitary improvements in the neglected dwellings
+of the poor. Mrs Sarah Gamp was, four-and-twenty years ago, a fair
+representation of the hired attendant on the poor in sickness. The
+hospitals of London were, in many respects, noble Institutions; in
+others, very defective. I think it not the least among the instances
+of their mismanagement, that Mrs Betsey Prig was a fair specimen of
+a Hospital Nurse; and that the Hospitals, with their means and funds,
+should have left it to private humanity and enterprise, to enter on
+an attempt to improve that class of persons--since, greatly improved
+through the agency of good women.
+
+
+
+
+POSTSCRIPT
+
+At a Public Dinner given to me on Saturday the 18th of April, 1868, in
+the city of New York, by two hundred representatives of the Press of
+the United States of America, I made the following observations, among
+others:--
+
+"So much of my voice has lately been heard in the land, that I might
+have been contented with troubling you no further from my present
+standing-point, were it not a duty with which I henceforth charge
+myself, not only here but on every suitable occasion, whatsoever
+and wheresoever, to express my high and grateful sense of my second
+reception in America, and to bear my honest testimony to the national
+generosity and magnanimity. Also, to declare how astounded I have been
+by the amazing changes I have seen around me on every side--changes
+moral, changes physical, changes in the amount of land subdued and
+peopled, changes in the rise of vast new cities, changes in the growth
+of older cities almost out of recognition, changes in the graces and
+amenities of life, changes in the Press, without whose advancement no
+advancement can take place anywhere. Nor am I, believe me, so arrogant
+as to suppose that in five-and-twenty years there have been no changes
+in me, and that I had nothing to learn and no extreme impressions to
+correct when I was here first. And this brings me to a point on which I
+have, ever since I landed in the United States last November, observed
+a strict silence, though sometimes tempted to break it, but in reference
+to which I will, with your good leave, take you into my confidence now.
+Even the Press, being human, may be sometimes mistaken or misinformed,
+and I rather think that I have in one or two rare instances observed
+its information to be not strictly accurate with reference to myself.
+Indeed, I have, now and again, been more surprised by printed news that
+I have read of myself, than by any printed news that I have ever read
+in my present state of existence. Thus, the vigour and perseverance with
+which I have for some months past been collecting materials for, and
+hammering away at, a new book on America has much astonished me; seeing
+that all that time my declaration has been perfectly well known to my
+publishers on both sides of the Atlantic, that no consideration on earth
+would induce me to write one. But what I have intended, what I have
+resolved upon (and this is the confidence I seek to place in you), is,
+on my return to England, in my own person, in my own Journal, to bear,
+for the behoof of my countrymen, such testimony to the gigantic changes
+in this country as I have hinted at to-night. Also, to record that
+wherever I have been, in the smallest places equally with the largest,
+I have been received with unsurpassable politeness, delicacy, sweet
+temper, hospitality, consideration, and with unsurpassable respect for
+the privacy daily enforced upon me by the nature of my avocation here
+and the state of my health. This testimony, so long as I live, and so
+long as my descendants have any legal right in my books, I shall cause
+to be republished, as an appendix to every copy of those two books of
+mine in which I have referred to America. And this I will do and cause
+to be done, not in mere love and thankfulness, but because I regard it
+as an act of plain justice and honour."
+
+I said these words with the greatest earnestness that I could lay upon
+them, and I repeat them in print here with equal earnestness. So long as
+this book shall last, I hope that they will form a part of it, and will
+be fairly read as inseparable from my experiences and impressions of
+America.
+
+CHARLES DICKENS.
+
+May, 1868.
+
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER ONE
+
+INTRODUCTORY, CONCERNING THE PEDIGREE OF THE CHUZZLEWIT FAMILY
+
+
+As no lady or gentleman, with any claims to polite breeding, can
+possibly sympathize with the Chuzzlewit Family without being first
+assured of the extreme antiquity of the race, it is a great satisfaction
+to know that it undoubtedly descended in a direct line from Adam and
+Eve; and was, in the very earliest times, closely connected with the
+agricultural interest. If it should ever be urged by grudging and
+malicious persons, that a Chuzzlewit, in any period of the family
+history, displayed an overweening amount of family pride, surely the
+weakness will be considered not only pardonable but laudable, when the
+immense superiority of the house to the rest of mankind, in respect of
+this its ancient origin, is taken into account.
+
+It is remarkable that as there was, in the oldest family of which we
+have any record, a murderer and a vagabond, so we never fail to meet,
+in the records of all old families, with innumerable repetitions of
+the same phase of character. Indeed, it may be laid down as a general
+principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount
+of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements,
+combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing
+shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful
+recreation of the Quality of this land.
+
+Consequently, it is a source of inexpressible comfort and happiness
+to find, that in various periods of our history, the Chuzzlewits were
+actively connected with divers slaughterous conspiracies and bloody
+frays. It is further recorded of them, that being clad from head to
+heel in steel of proof, they did on many occasions lead their
+leather-jerkined soldiers to the death with invincible courage, and
+afterwards return home gracefully to their relations and friends.
+
+There can be no doubt that at least one Chuzzlewit came over with
+William the Conqueror. It does not appear that this illustrious ancestor
+'came over' that monarch, to employ the vulgar phrase, at any subsequent
+period; inasmuch as the Family do not seem to have been ever greatly
+distinguished by the possession of landed estate. And it is well known
+that for the bestowal of that kind of property upon his favourites,
+the liberality and gratitude of the Norman were as remarkable as those
+virtues are usually found to be in great men when they give away what
+belongs to other people.
+
+Perhaps in this place the history may pause to congratulate itself upon
+the enormous amount of bravery, wisdom, eloquence, virtue, gentle birth,
+and true nobility, that appears to have come into England with the
+Norman Invasion: an amount which the genealogy of every ancient family
+lends its aid to swell, and which would beyond all question have been
+found to be just as great, and to the full as prolific in giving birth
+to long lines of chivalrous descendants, boastful of their origin, even
+though William the Conqueror had been William the Conquered; a change of
+circumstances which, it is quite certain, would have made no manner of
+difference in this respect.
+
+There was unquestionably a Chuzzlewit in the Gunpowder Plot, if indeed
+the arch-traitor, Fawkes himself, were not a scion of this remarkable
+stock; as he might easily have been, supposing another Chuzzlewit
+to have emigrated to Spain in the previous generation, and there
+intermarried with a Spanish lady, by whom he had issue, one
+olive-complexioned son. This probable conjecture is strengthened, if not
+absolutely confirmed, by a fact which cannot fail to be interesting
+to those who are curious in tracing the progress of hereditary tastes
+through the lives of their unconscious inheritors. It is a notable
+circumstance that in these later times, many Chuzzlewits, being
+unsuccessful in other pursuits, have, without the smallest rational
+hope of enriching themselves, or any conceivable reason, set up as
+coal-merchants; and have, month after month, continued gloomily to watch
+a small stock of coals, without in any one instance negotiating with a
+purchaser. The remarkable similarity between this course of proceeding
+and that adopted by their Great Ancestor beneath the vaults of the
+Parliament House at Westminster, is too obvious and too full of
+interest, to stand in need of comment.
+
+It is also clearly proved by the oral traditions of the Family, that
+there existed, at some one period of its history which is not distinctly
+stated, a matron of such destructive principles, and so familiarized to
+the use and composition of inflammatory and combustible engines, that
+she was called 'The Match Maker;' by which nickname and byword she is
+recognized in the Family legends to this day. Surely there can be
+no reasonable doubt that this was the Spanish lady, the mother of
+Chuzzlewit Fawkes.
+
+But there is one other piece of evidence, bearing immediate reference
+to their close connection with this memorable event in English History,
+which must carry conviction, even to a mind (if such a mind there be)
+remaining unconvinced by these presumptive proofs.
+
+There was, within a few years, in the possession of a highly respectable
+and in every way credible and unimpeachable member of the Chuzzlewit
+Family (for his bitterest enemy never dared to hint at his being
+otherwise than a wealthy man), a dark lantern of undoubted antiquity;
+rendered still more interesting by being, in shape and pattern,
+extremely like such as are in use at the present day. Now this
+gentleman, since deceased, was at all times ready to make oath, and
+did again and again set forth upon his solemn asseveration, that he had
+frequently heard his grandmother say, when contemplating this venerable
+relic, 'Aye, aye! This was carried by my fourth son on the fifth of
+November, when he was a Guy Fawkes.' These remarkable words wrought
+(as well they might) a strong impression on his mind, and he was in the
+habit of repeating them very often. The just interpretation which
+they bear, and the conclusion to which they lead, are triumphant and
+irresistible. The old lady, naturally strong-minded, was nevertheless
+frail and fading; she was notoriously subject to that confusion of
+ideas, or, to say the least, of speech, to which age and garrulity
+are liable. The slight, the very slight, confusion apparent in these
+expressions is manifest, and is ludicrously easy of correction. 'Aye,
+aye,' quoth she, and it will be observed that no emendation whatever is
+necessary to be made in these two initiative remarks, 'Aye, aye!
+This lantern was carried by my forefather'--not fourth son, which is
+preposterous--'on the fifth of November. And HE was Guy Fawkes.' Here
+we have a remark at once consistent, clear, natural, and in strict
+accordance with the character of the speaker. Indeed the anecdote is
+so plainly susceptible of this meaning and no other, that it would be
+hardly worth recording in its original state, were it not a proof of
+what may be (and very often is) affected not only in historical prose
+but in imaginative poetry, by the exercise of a little ingenious labour
+on the part of a commentator.
+
+It has been said that there is no instance, in modern times, of a
+Chuzzlewit having been found on terms of intimacy with the Great. But
+here again the sneering detractors who weave such miserable figments
+from their malicious brains, are stricken dumb by evidence. For letters
+are yet in the possession of various branches of the family, from which
+it distinctly appears, being stated in so many words, that one Diggory
+Chuzzlewit was in the habit of perpetually dining with Duke Humphrey.
+So constantly was he a guest at that nobleman's table, indeed; and so
+unceasingly were His Grace's hospitality and companionship forced, as
+it were, upon him; that we find him uneasy, and full of constraint and
+reluctance; writing his friends to the effect that if they fail to do
+so and so by bearer, he will have no choice but to dine again with Duke
+Humphrey; and expressing himself in a very marked and extraordinary
+manner as one surfeited of High Life and Gracious Company.
+
+It has been rumoured, and it is needless to say the rumour originated in
+the same base quarters, that a certain male Chuzzlewit, whose birth must
+be admitted to be involved in some obscurity, was of very mean and low
+descent. How stands the proof? When the son of that individual, to whom
+the secret of his father's birth was supposed to have been communicated
+by his father in his lifetime, lay upon his deathbed, this question was
+put to him in a distinct, solemn, and formal way: 'Toby Chuzzlewit,
+who was your grandfather?' To which he, with his last breath, no less
+distinctly, solemnly, and formally replied: and his words were taken
+down at the time, and signed by six witnesses, each with his name and
+address in full: 'The Lord No Zoo.' It may be said--it HAS been said,
+for human wickedness has no limits--that there is no Lord of that
+name, and that among the titles which have become extinct, none at all
+resembling this, in sound even, is to be discovered. But what is the
+irresistible inference? Rejecting a theory broached by some well-meaning
+but mistaken persons, that this Mr Toby Chuzzlewit's grandfather, to
+judge from his name, must surely have been a Mandarin (which is wholly
+insupportable, for there is no pretence of his grandmother ever having
+been out of this country, or of any Mandarin having been in it within
+some years of his father's birth; except those in the tea-shops, which
+cannot for a moment be regarded as having any bearing on the question,
+one way or other), rejecting this hypothesis, is it not manifest that
+Mr Toby Chuzzlewit had either received the name imperfectly from his
+father, or that he had forgotten it, or that he had mispronounced it?
+and that even at the recent period in question, the Chuzzlewits were
+connected by a bend sinister, or kind of heraldic over-the-left, with
+some unknown noble and illustrious House?
+
+From documentary evidence, yet preserved in the family, the fact is
+clearly established that in the comparatively modern days of the Diggory
+Chuzzlewit before mentioned, one of its members had attained to
+very great wealth and influence. Throughout such fragments of his
+correspondence as have escaped the ravages of the moths (who, in right
+of their extensive absorption of the contents of deeds and papers, may
+be called the general registers of the Insect World), we find him making
+constant reference to an uncle, in respect of whom he would seem to have
+entertained great expectations, as he was in the habit of seeking to
+propitiate his favour by presents of plate, jewels, books, watches, and
+other valuable articles. Thus, he writes on one occasion to his
+brother in reference to a gravy-spoon, the brother's property, which he
+(Diggory) would appear to have borrowed or otherwise possessed himself
+of: 'Do not be angry, I have parted with it--to my uncle.' On another
+occasion he expresses himself in a similar manner with regard to a
+child's mug which had been entrusted to him to get repaired. On another
+occasion he says, 'I have bestowed upon that irresistible uncle of mine
+everything I ever possessed.' And that he was in the habit of paying
+long and constant visits to this gentleman at his mansion, if, indeed,
+he did not wholly reside there, is manifest from the following sentence:
+'With the exception of the suit of clothes I carry about with me,
+the whole of my wearing apparel is at present at my uncle's.' This
+gentleman's patronage and influence must have been very extensive, for
+his nephew writes, 'His interest is too high'--'It is too much'--'It is
+tremendous'--and the like. Still it does not appear (which is strange)
+to have procured for him any lucrative post at court or elsewhere, or
+to have conferred upon him any other distinction than that which was
+necessarily included in the countenance of so great a man, and the being
+invited by him to certain entertainment's, so splendid and costly in
+their nature, that he calls them 'Golden Balls.'
+
+It is needless to multiply instances of the high and lofty station, and
+the vast importance of the Chuzzlewits, at different periods. If it
+came within the scope of reasonable probability that further proofs were
+required, they might be heaped upon each other until they formed an Alps
+of testimony, beneath which the boldest scepticism should be crushed
+and beaten flat. As a goodly tumulus is already collected, and decently
+battened up above the Family grave, the present chapter is content to
+leave it as it is: merely adding, by way of a final spadeful, that many
+Chuzzlewits, both male and female, are proved to demonstration, on the
+faith of letters written by their own mothers, to have had chiselled
+noses, undeniable chins, forms that might have served the sculptor for a
+model, exquisitely-turned limbs and polished foreheads of so transparent
+a texture that the blue veins might be seen branching off in various
+directions, like so many roads on an ethereal map. This fact in itself,
+though it had been a solitary one, would have utterly settled and
+clenched the business in hand; for it is well known, on the authority
+of all the books which treat of such matters, that every one of these
+phenomena, but especially that of the chiselling, are invariably
+peculiar to, and only make themselves apparent in, persons of the very
+best condition.
+
+This history having, to its own perfect satisfaction, (and,
+consequently, to the full contentment of all its readers,) proved the
+Chuzzlewits to have had an origin, and to have been at one time or other
+of an importance which cannot fail to render them highly improving and
+acceptable acquaintance to all right-minded individuals, may now proceed
+in earnest with its task. And having shown that they must have had, by
+reason of their ancient birth, a pretty large share in the foundation
+and increase of the human family, it will one day become its province to
+submit, that such of its members as shall be introduced in these pages,
+have still many counterparts and prototypes in the Great World about us.
+At present it contents itself with remarking, in a general way, on this
+head: Firstly, that it may be safely asserted, and yet without
+implying any direct participation in the Manboddo doctrine touching the
+probability of the human race having once been monkeys, that men do
+play very strange and extraordinary tricks. Secondly, and yet without
+trenching on the Blumenbach theory as to the descendants of Adam having
+a vast number of qualities which belong more particularly to swine than
+to any other class of animals in the creation, that some men certainly
+are remarkable for taking uncommon good care of themselves.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWO
+
+WHEREIN CERTAIN PERSONS ARE PRESENTED TO THE READER, WITH WHOM HE MAY,
+IF HE PLEASE, BECOME BETTER ACQUAINTED
+
+
+It was pretty late in the autumn of the year, when the declining sun
+struggling through the mist which had obscured it all day, looked
+brightly down upon a little Wiltshire village, within an easy journey of
+the fair old town of Salisbury.
+
+Like a sudden flash of memory or spirit kindling up the mind of an old
+man, it shed a glory upon the scene, in which its departed youth and
+freshness seemed to live again. The wet grass sparkled in the light;
+the scanty patches of verdure in the hedges--where a few green twigs
+yet stood together bravely, resisting to the last the tyranny of nipping
+winds and early frosts--took heart and brightened up; the stream which
+had been dull and sullen all day long, broke out into a cheerful smile;
+the birds began to chirp and twitter on the naked boughs, as though the
+hopeful creatures half believed that winter had gone by, and spring
+had come already. The vane upon the tapering spire of the old church
+glistened from its lofty station in sympathy with the general gladness;
+and from the ivy-shaded windows such gleams of light shone back upon
+the glowing sky, that it seemed as if the quiet buildings were the
+hoarding-place of twenty summers, and all their ruddiness and warmth
+were stored within.
+
+Even those tokens of the season which emphatically whispered of the
+coming winter, graced the landscape, and, for the moment, tinged its
+livelier features with no oppressive air of sadness. The fallen leaves,
+with which the ground was strewn, gave forth a pleasant fragrance, and
+subduing all harsh sounds of distant feet and wheels created a repose
+in gentle unison with the light scattering of seed hither and thither by
+the distant husbandman, and with the noiseless passage of the plough as
+it turned up the rich brown earth, and wrought a graceful pattern in
+the stubbled fields. On the motionless branches of some trees, autumn
+berries hung like clusters of coral beads, as in those fabled orchards
+where the fruits were jewels; others stripped of all their garniture,
+stood, each the centre of its little heap of bright red leaves, watching
+their slow decay; others again, still wearing theirs, had them all
+crunched and crackled up, as though they had been burnt; about the stems
+of some were piled, in ruddy mounds, the apples they had borne that
+year; while others (hardy evergreens this class) showed somewhat stern
+and gloomy in their vigour, as charged by nature with the admonition
+that it is not to her more sensitive and joyous favourites she grants
+the longest term of life. Still athwart their darker boughs, the
+sunbeams struck out paths of deeper gold; and the red light, mantling in
+among their swarthy branches, used them as foils to set its brightness
+off, and aid the lustre of the dying day.
+
+A moment, and its glory was no more. The sun went down beneath the long
+dark lines of hill and cloud which piled up in the west an airy city,
+wall heaped on wall, and battlement on battlement; the light was all
+withdrawn; the shining church turned cold and dark; the stream forgot
+to smile; the birds were silent; and the gloom of winter dwelt on
+everything.
+
+An evening wind uprose too, and the slighter branches cracked and
+rattled as they moved, in skeleton dances, to its moaning music. The
+withering leaves no longer quiet, hurried to and fro in search of
+shelter from its chill pursuit; the labourer unyoked his horses, and
+with head bent down, trudged briskly home beside them; and from the
+cottage windows lights began to glance and wink upon the darkening
+fields.
+
+Then the village forge came out in all its bright importance. The lusty
+bellows roared Ha ha! to the clear fire, which roared in turn, and bade
+the shining sparks dance gayly to the merry clinking of the hammers on
+the anvil. The gleaming iron, in its emulation, sparkled too, and shed
+its red-hot gems around profusely. The strong smith and his men dealt
+such strokes upon their work, as made even the melancholy night rejoice,
+and brought a glow into its dark face as it hovered about the door and
+windows, peeping curiously in above the shoulders of a dozen loungers.
+As to this idle company, there they stood, spellbound by the place, and,
+casting now and then a glance upon the darkness in their rear, settled
+their lazy elbows more at ease upon the sill, and leaned a little
+further in: no more disposed to tear themselves away than if they had
+been born to cluster round the blazing hearth like so many crickets.
+
+Out upon the angry wind! how from sighing, it began to bluster round the
+merry forge, banging at the wicket, and grumbling in the chimney, as if
+it bullied the jolly bellows for doing anything to order. And what an
+impotent swaggerer it was too, for all its noise; for if it had any
+influence on that hoarse companion, it was but to make him roar his
+cheerful song the louder, and by consequence to make the fire burn
+the brighter, and the sparks to dance more gayly yet; at length, they
+whizzed so madly round and round, that it was too much for such a surly
+wind to bear; so off it flew with a howl giving the old sign before the
+ale-house door such a cuff as it went, that the Blue Dragon was more
+rampant than usual ever afterwards, and indeed, before Christmas, reared
+clean out of its crazy frame.
+
+It was small tyranny for a respectable wind to go wreaking its vengeance
+on such poor creatures as the fallen leaves, but this wind happening to
+come up with a great heap of them just after venting its humour on the
+insulted Dragon, did so disperse and scatter them that they fled away,
+pell-mell, some here, some there, rolling over each other, whirling
+round and round upon their thin edges, taking frantic flights into the
+air, and playing all manner of extraordinary gambols in the extremity
+of their distress. Nor was this enough for its malicious fury; for not
+content with driving them abroad, it charged small parties of them and
+hunted them into the wheel wright's saw-pit, and below the planks and
+timbers in the yard, and, scattering the sawdust in the air, it looked
+for them underneath, and when it did meet with any, whew! how it drove
+them on and followed at their heels!
+
+The scared leaves only flew the faster for all this, and a giddy chase
+it was; for they got into unfrequented places, where there was no
+outlet, and where their pursuer kept them eddying round and round at his
+pleasure; and they crept under the eaves of houses, and clung tightly to
+the sides of hay-ricks, like bats; and tore in at open chamber windows,
+and cowered close to hedges; and, in short, went anywhere for safety.
+But the oddest feat they achieved was, to take advantage of the sudden
+opening of Mr Pecksniff's front-door, to dash wildly into his passage;
+whither the wind following close upon them, and finding the back-door
+open, incontinently blew out the lighted candle held by Miss Pecksniff,
+and slammed the front-door against Mr Pecksniff who was at that moment
+entering, with such violence, that in the twinkling of an eye he lay on
+his back at the bottom of the steps. Being by this time weary of such
+trifling performances, the boisterous rover hurried away rejoicing,
+roaring over moor and meadow, hill and flat, until it got out to sea,
+where it met with other winds similarly disposed, and made a night of
+it.
+
+In the meantime Mr Pecksniff, having received from a sharp angle in the
+bottom step but one, that sort of knock on the head which lights up, for
+the patient's entertainment, an imaginary general illumination of very
+bright short-sixes, lay placidly staring at his own street door. And it
+would seem to have been more suggestive in its aspect than street
+doors usually are; for he continued to lie there, rather a lengthy and
+unreasonable time, without so much as wondering whether he was hurt
+or no; neither, when Miss Pecksniff inquired through the key-hole in a
+shrill voice, which might have belonged to a wind in its teens, 'Who's
+there' did he make any reply; nor, when Miss Pecksniff opened the door
+again, and shading the candle with her hand, peered out, and looked
+provokingly round him, and about him, and over him, and everywhere but
+at him, did he offer any remark, or indicate in any manner the least
+hint of a desire to be picked up.
+
+'I see you,' cried Miss Pecksniff, to the ideal inflicter of a runaway
+knock. 'You'll catch it, sir!'
+
+Still Mr Pecksniff, perhaps from having caught it already, said nothing.
+
+'You're round the corner now,' cried Miss Pecksniff. She said it at a
+venture, but there was appropriate matter in it too; for Mr Pecksniff,
+being in the act of extinguishing the candles before mentioned pretty
+rapidly, and of reducing the number of brass knobs on his street door
+from four or five hundred (which had previously been juggling of their
+own accord before his eyes in a very novel manner) to a dozen or so,
+might in one sense have been said to be coming round the corner, and
+just turning it.
+
+With a sharply delivered warning relative to the cage and the constable,
+and the stocks and the gallows, Miss Pecksniff was about to close the
+door again, when Mr Pecksniff (being still at the bottom of the steps)
+raised himself on one elbow, and sneezed.
+
+'That voice!' cried Miss Pecksniff. 'My parent!'
+
+At this exclamation, another Miss Pecksniff bounced out of the parlour;
+and the two Miss Pecksniffs, with many incoherent expressions, dragged
+Mr Pecksniff into an upright posture.
+
+'Pa!' they cried in concert. 'Pa! Speak, Pa! Do not look so wild my
+dearest Pa!'
+
+But as a gentleman's looks, in such a case of all others, are by no
+means under his own control, Mr Pecksniff continued to keep his mouth
+and his eyes very wide open, and to drop his lower jaw, somewhat after
+the manner of a toy nut-cracker; and as his hat had fallen off, and his
+face was pale, and his hair erect, and his coat muddy, the spectacle he
+presented was so very doleful, that neither of the Miss Pecksniffs could
+repress an involuntary screech.
+
+'That'll do,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'I'm better.'
+
+'He's come to himself!' cried the youngest Miss Pecksniff.
+
+'He speaks again!' exclaimed the eldest.
+
+With these joyful words they kissed Mr Pecksniff on either cheek; and
+bore him into the house. Presently, the youngest Miss Pecksniff ran
+out again to pick up his hat, his brown paper parcel, his umbrella, his
+gloves, and other small articles; and that done, and the door closed,
+both young ladies applied themselves to tending Mr Pecksniff's wounds in
+the back parlour.
+
+They were not very serious in their nature; being limited to abrasions
+on what the eldest Miss Pecksniff called 'the knobby parts' of her
+parent's anatomy, such as his knees and elbows, and to the development
+of an entirely new organ, unknown to phrenologists, on the back of his
+head. These injuries having been comforted externally, with patches of
+pickled brown paper, and Mr Pecksniff having been comforted internally,
+with some stiff brandy-and-water, the eldest Miss Pecksniff sat down
+to make the tea, which was all ready. In the meantime the youngest Miss
+Pecksniff brought from the kitchen a smoking dish of ham and eggs, and,
+setting the same before her father, took up her station on a low stool
+at his feet; thereby bringing her eyes on a level with the teaboard.
+
+It must not be inferred from this position of humility, that the
+youngest Miss Pecksniff was so young as to be, as one may say, forced to
+sit upon a stool, by reason of the shortness of her legs. Miss Pecksniff
+sat upon a stool because of her simplicity and innocence, which were
+very great, very great. Miss Pecksniff sat upon a stool because she was
+all girlishness, and playfulness, and wildness, and kittenish buoyancy.
+She was the most arch and at the same time the most artless creature,
+was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, that you can possibly imagine. It
+was her great charm. She was too fresh and guileless, and too full of
+child-like vivacity, was the youngest Miss Pecksniff, to wear combs in
+her hair, or to turn it up, or to frizzle it, or braid it. She wore it
+in a crop, a loosely flowing crop, which had so many rows of curls in
+it, that the top row was only one curl. Moderately buxom was her shape,
+and quite womanly too; but sometimes--yes, sometimes--she even wore
+a pinafore; and how charming THAT was! Oh! she was indeed 'a gushing
+thing' (as a young gentleman had observed in verse, in the Poet's Corner
+of a provincial newspaper), was the youngest Miss Pecksniff!
+
+Mr Pecksniff was a moral man--a grave man, a man of noble sentiments and
+speech--and he had had her christened Mercy. Mercy! oh, what a charming
+name for such a pure-souled Being as the youngest Miss Pecksniff! Her
+sister's name was Charity. There was a good thing! Mercy and Charity!
+And Charity, with her fine strong sense and her mild, yet not
+reproachful gravity, was so well named, and did so well set off and
+illustrate her sister! What a pleasant sight was that the contrast
+they presented; to see each loved and loving one sympathizing with, and
+devoted to, and leaning on, and yet correcting and counter-checking,
+and, as it were, antidoting, the other! To behold each damsel in her
+very admiration of her sister, setting up in business for herself on
+an entirely different principle, and announcing no connection with
+over-the-way, and if the quality of goods at that establishment don't
+please you, you are respectfully invited to favour ME with a call! And
+the crowning circumstance of the whole delightful catalogue was, that
+both the fair creatures were so utterly unconscious of all this!
+They had no idea of it. They no more thought or dreamed of it than Mr
+Pecksniff did. Nature played them off against each other; THEY had no
+hand in it, the two Miss Pecksniffs.
+
+It has been remarked that Mr Pecksniff was a moral man. So he was.
+Perhaps there never was a more moral man than Mr Pecksniff, especially
+in his conversation and correspondence. It was once said of him by a
+homely admirer, that he had a Fortunatus's purse of good sentiments in
+his inside. In this particular he was like the girl in the fairy tale,
+except that if they were not actual diamonds which fell from his lips,
+they were the very brightest paste, and shone prodigiously. He was a
+most exemplary man; fuller of virtuous precept than a copy book. Some
+people likened him to a direction-post, which is always telling the
+way to a place, and never goes there; but these were his enemies, the
+shadows cast by his brightness; that was all. His very throat was moral.
+You saw a good deal of it. You looked over a very low fence of white
+cravat (whereof no man had ever beheld the tie for he fastened it
+behind), and there it lay, a valley between two jutting heights of
+collar, serene and whiskerless before you. It seemed to say, on the part
+of Mr Pecksniff, 'There is no deception, ladies and gentlemen, all is
+peace, a holy calm pervades me.' So did his hair, just grizzled with
+an iron-grey which was all brushed off his forehead, and stood bolt
+upright, or slightly drooped in kindred action with his heavy eyelids.
+So did his person, which was sleek though free from corpulency. So did
+his manner, which was soft and oily. In a word, even his plain black
+suit, and state of widower and dangling double eye-glass, all tended to
+the same purpose, and cried aloud, 'Behold the moral Pecksniff!'
+
+The brazen plate upon the door (which being Mr Pecksniff's, could
+not lie) bore this inscription, 'PECKSNIFF, ARCHITECT,' to which Mr
+Pecksniff, on his cards of business, added, AND LAND SURVEYOR.' In one
+sense, and only one, he may be said to have been a Land Surveyor on a
+pretty large scale, as an extensive prospect lay stretched out before
+the windows of his house. Of his architectural doings, nothing was
+clearly known, except that he had never designed or built anything; but
+it was generally understood that his knowledge of the science was almost
+awful in its profundity.
+
+Mr Pecksniff's professional engagements, indeed, were almost, if not
+entirely, confined to the reception of pupils; for the collection of
+rents, with which pursuit he occasionally varied and relieved his graver
+toils, can hardly be said to be a strictly architectural employment. His
+genius lay in ensnaring parents and guardians, and pocketing premiums. A
+young gentleman's premium being paid, and the young gentleman come to
+Mr Pecksniff's house, Mr Pecksniff borrowed his case of mathematical
+instruments (if silver-mounted or otherwise valuable); entreated him,
+from that moment, to consider himself one of the family; complimented
+him highly on his parents or guardians, as the case might be; and
+turned him loose in a spacious room on the two-pair front; where, in the
+company of certain drawing-boards, parallel rulers, very stiff-legged
+compasses, and two, or perhaps three, other young gentlemen, he improved
+himself, for three or five years, according to his articles, in making
+elevations of Salisbury Cathedral from every possible point of sight;
+and in constructing in the air a vast quantity of Castles, Houses of
+Parliament, and other Public Buildings. Perhaps in no place in the
+world were so many gorgeous edifices of this class erected as under
+Mr Pecksniff's auspices; and if but one-twentieth part of the churches
+which were built in that front room, with one or other of the Miss
+Pecksniffs at the altar in the act of marrying the architect, could only
+be made available by the parliamentary commissioners, no more churches
+would be wanted for at least five centuries.
+
+'Even the worldly goods of which we have just disposed,' said Mr
+Pecksniff, glancing round the table when he had finished, 'even cream,
+sugar, tea, toast, ham--'
+
+'And eggs,' suggested Charity in a low voice.
+
+'And eggs,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'even they have their moral. See how they
+come and go! Every pleasure is transitory. We can't even eat, long.
+If we indulge in harmless fluids, we get the dropsy; if in exciting
+liquids, we get drunk. What a soothing reflection is that!'
+
+'Don't say WE get drunk, Pa,' urged the eldest Miss Pecksniff.
+
+'When I say we, my dear,' returned her father, 'I mean mankind in
+general; the human race, considered as a body, and not as individuals.
+There is nothing personal in morality, my love. Even such a thing as
+this,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying the fore-finger of his left hand upon
+the brown paper patch on the top of his head, 'slight casual baldness
+though it be, reminds us that we are but'--he was going to say 'worms,'
+but recollecting that worms were not remarkable for heads of hair, he
+substituted 'flesh and blood.'
+
+'Which,' cried Mr Pecksniff after a pause, during which he seemed to
+have been casting about for a new moral, and not quite successfully,
+'which is also very soothing. Mercy, my dear, stir the fire and throw up
+the cinders.'
+
+The young lady obeyed, and having done so, resumed her stool, reposed
+one arm upon her father's knee, and laid her blooming cheek upon
+it. Miss Charity drew her chair nearer the fire, as one prepared for
+conversation, and looked towards her father.
+
+'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a short pause, during which he had been
+silently smiling, and shaking his head at the fire--'I have again been
+fortunate in the attainment of my object. A new inmate will very shortly
+come among us.'
+
+'A youth, papa?' asked Charity.
+
+'Ye-es, a youth,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'He will avail himself of the
+eligible opportunity which now offers, for uniting the advantages of the
+best practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and
+the constant association with some who (however humble their sphere,
+and limited their capacity) are not unmindful of their moral
+responsibilities.'
+
+'Oh Pa!' cried Mercy, holding up her finger archly. 'See advertisement!'
+
+'Playful--playful warbler,' said Mr Pecksniff. It may be observed in
+connection with his calling his daughter a 'warbler,' that she was not
+at all vocal, but that Mr Pecksniff was in the frequent habit of using
+any word that occurred to him as having a good sound, and rounding a
+sentence well without much care for its meaning. And he did this so
+boldly, and in such an imposing manner, that he would sometimes stagger
+the wisest people with his eloquence, and make them gasp again.
+
+His enemies asserted, by the way, that a strong trustfulness in sounds
+and forms was the master-key to Mr Pecksniff's character.
+
+'Is he handsome, Pa?' inquired the younger daughter.
+
+'Silly Merry!' said the eldest: Merry being fond for Mercy. 'What is the
+premium, Pa? tell us that.'
+
+'Oh, good gracious, Cherry!' cried Miss Mercy, holding up her hands with
+the most winning giggle in the world, 'what a mercenary girl you are! oh
+you naughty, thoughtful, prudent thing!'
+
+It was perfectly charming, and worthy of the Pastoral age, to see how
+the two Miss Pecksniffs slapped each other after this, and then subsided
+into an embrace expressive of their different dispositions.
+
+'He is well looking,' said Mr Pecksniff, slowly and distinctly; 'well
+looking enough. I do not positively expect any immediate premium with
+him.'
+
+Notwithstanding their different natures, both Charity and Mercy
+concurred in opening their eyes uncommonly wide at this announcement,
+and in looking for the moment as blank as if their thoughts had actually
+had a direct bearing on the main chance.
+
+'But what of that!' said Mr Pecksniff, still smiling at the fire. 'There
+is disinterestedness in the world, I hope? We are not all arrayed in two
+opposite ranks; the OFfensive and the DEfensive. Some few there are
+who walk between; who help the needy as they go; and take no part with
+either side. Umph!'
+
+There was something in these morsels of philanthropy which reassured the
+sisters. They exchanged glances, and brightened very much.
+
+'Oh! let us not be for ever calculating, devising, and plotting for the
+future,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling more and more, and looking at the
+fire as a man might, who was cracking a joke with it: 'I am weary of
+such arts. If our inclinations are but good and open-hearted, let us
+gratify them boldly, though they bring upon us Loss instead of Profit.
+Eh, Charity?'
+
+Glancing towards his daughters for the first time since he had begun
+these reflections, and seeing that they both smiled, Mr Pecksniff eyed
+them for an instant so jocosely (though still with a kind of saintly
+waggishness) that the younger one was moved to sit upon his knee
+forthwith, put her fair arms round his neck, and kiss him twenty times.
+During the whole of this affectionate display she laughed to a most
+immoderate extent: in which hilarious indulgence even the prudent Cherry
+joined.
+
+'Tut, tut,' said Mr Pecksniff, pushing his latest-born away and running
+his fingers through his hair, as he resumed his tranquil face. 'What
+folly is this! Let us take heed how we laugh without reason lest we cry
+with it. What is the domestic news since yesterday? John Westlock is
+gone, I hope?'
+
+'Indeed, no,' said Charity.
+
+'And why not?' returned her father. 'His term expired yesterday. And his
+box was packed, I know; for I saw it, in the morning, standing in the
+hall.'
+
+'He slept last night at the Dragon,' returned the young lady, 'and had
+Mr Pinch to dine with him. They spent the evening together, and Mr Pinch
+was not home till very late.'
+
+'And when I saw him on the stairs this morning, Pa,' said Mercy with her
+usual sprightliness, 'he looked, oh goodness, SUCH a monster! with his
+face all manner of colours, and his eyes as dull as if they had been
+boiled, and his head aching dreadfully, I am sure from the look of
+it, and his clothes smelling, oh it's impossible to say how strong,
+oh'--here the young lady shuddered--'of smoke and punch.'
+
+'Now I think,' said Mr Pecksniff with his accustomed gentleness, though
+still with the air of one who suffered under injury without complaint,
+'I think Mr Pinch might have done better than choose for his companion
+one who, at the close of a long intercourse, had endeavoured, as he
+knew, to wound my feelings. I am not quite sure that this was delicate
+in Mr Pinch. I am not quite sure that this was kind in Mr Pinch. I will
+go further and say, I am not quite sure that this was even ordinarily
+grateful in Mr Pinch.'
+
+'But what can anyone expect from Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with as
+strong and scornful an emphasis on the name as if it would have given
+her unspeakable pleasure to express it, in an acted charade, on the calf
+of that gentleman's leg.
+
+'Aye, aye,' returned her father, raising his hand mildly: 'it is
+very well to say what can we expect from Mr Pinch, but Mr Pinch is
+a fellow-creature, my dear; Mr Pinch is an item in the vast total of
+humanity, my love; and we have a right, it is our duty, to expect in
+Mr Pinch some development of those better qualities, the possession
+of which in our own persons inspires our humble self-respect. No,'
+continued Mr Pecksniff. 'No! Heaven forbid that I should say, nothing
+can be expected from Mr Pinch; or that I should say, nothing can be
+expected from any man alive (even the most degraded, which Mr Pinch is
+not, no, really); but Mr Pinch has disappointed me; he has hurt me;
+I think a little the worse of him on this account, but not if human
+nature. Oh, no, no!'
+
+'Hark!' said Miss Charity, holding up her finger, as a gentle rap was
+heard at the street door. 'There is the creature! Now mark my words, he
+has come back with John Westlock for his box, and is going to help
+him to take it to the mail. Only mark my words, if that isn't his
+intention!'
+
+Even as she spoke, the box appeared to be in progress of conveyance from
+the house, but after a brief murmuring of question and answer, it was
+put down again, and somebody knocked at the parlour door.
+
+'Come in!' cried Mr Pecksniff--not severely; only virtuously. 'Come in!'
+
+An ungainly, awkward-looking man, extremely short-sighted, and
+prematurely bald, availed himself of this permission; and seeing that
+Mr Pecksniff sat with his back towards him, gazing at the fire,
+stood hesitating, with the door in his hand. He was far from handsome
+certainly; and was drest in a snuff-coloured suit, of an uncouth make at
+the best, which, being shrunk with long wear, was twisted and tortured
+into all kinds of odd shapes; but notwithstanding his attire, and his
+clumsy figure, which a great stoop in his shoulders, and a ludicrous
+habit he had of thrusting his head forward, by no means redeemed, one
+would not have been disposed (unless Mr Pecksniff said so) to consider
+him a bad fellow by any means. He was perhaps about thirty, but he might
+have been almost any age between sixteen and sixty; being one of those
+strange creatures who never decline into an ancient appearance, but look
+their oldest when they are very young, and get it over at once.
+
+Keeping his hand upon the lock of the door, he glanced from Mr Pecksniff
+to Mercy, from Mercy to Charity, and from Charity to Mr Pecksniff again,
+several times; but the young ladies being as intent upon the fire as
+their father was, and neither of the three taking any notice of him, he
+was fain to say, at last,
+
+'Oh! I beg your pardon, Mr Pecksniff: I beg your pardon for intruding;
+but--'
+
+'No intrusion, Mr Pinch,' said that gentleman very sweetly, but without
+looking round. 'Pray be seated, Mr Pinch. Have the goodness to shut the
+door, Mr Pinch, if you please.'
+
+'Certainly, sir,' said Pinch; not doing so, however, but holding it
+rather wider open than before, and beckoning nervously to somebody
+without: 'Mr Westlock, sir, hearing that you were come home--'
+
+'Mr Pinch, Mr Pinch!' said Pecksniff, wheeling his chair about, and
+looking at him with an aspect of the deepest melancholy, 'I did not
+expect this from you. I have not deserved this from you!'
+
+'No, but upon my word, sir--' urged Pinch.
+
+'The less you say, Mr Pinch,' interposed the other, 'the better. I utter
+no complaint. Make no defence.'
+
+'No, but do have the goodness, sir,' cried Pinch, with great
+earnestness, 'if you please. Mr Westlock, sir, going away for good and
+all, wishes to leave none but friends behind him. Mr Westlock and you,
+sir, had a little difference the other day; you have had many little
+differences.'
+
+'Little differences!' cried Charity.
+
+'Little differences!' echoed Mercy.
+
+'My loves!' said Mr Pecksniff, with the same serene upraising of his
+hand; 'My dears!' After a solemn pause he meekly bowed to Mr Pinch, as
+who should say, 'Proceed;' but Mr Pinch was so very much at a loss how
+to resume, and looked so helplessly at the two Miss Pecksniffs, that
+the conversation would most probably have terminated there, if a
+good-looking youth, newly arrived at man's estate, had not stepped
+forward from the doorway and taken up the thread of the discourse.
+
+'Come, Mr Pecksniff,' he said, with a smile, 'don't let there be any
+ill-blood between us, pray. I am sorry we have ever differed, and
+extremely sorry I have ever given you offence. Bear me no ill-will at
+parting, sir.'
+
+'I bear,' answered Mr Pecksniff, mildly, 'no ill-will to any man on
+earth.'
+
+'I told you he didn't,' said Pinch, in an undertone; 'I knew he didn't!
+He always says he don't.'
+
+'Then you will shake hands, sir?' cried Westlock, advancing a step or
+two, and bespeaking Mr Pinch's close attention by a glance.
+
+'Umph!' said Mr Pecksniff, in his most winning tone.
+
+'You will shake hands, sir.'
+
+'No, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a calmness quite ethereal; 'no, I
+will not shake hands, John. I have forgiven you. I had already forgiven
+you, even before you ceased to reproach and taunt me. I have embraced
+you in the spirit, John, which is better than shaking hands.'
+
+'Pinch,' said the youth, turning towards him, with a hearty disgust of
+his late master, 'what did I tell you?'
+
+Poor Pinch looked down uneasily at Mr Pecksniff, whose eye was fixed
+upon him as it had been from the first; and looking up at the ceiling
+again, made no reply.
+
+'As to your forgiveness, Mr Pecksniff,' said the youth, 'I'll not have
+it upon such terms. I won't be forgiven.'
+
+'Won't you, John?' retorted Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. 'You must. You
+can't help it. Forgiveness is a high quality; an exalted virtue; far
+above YOUR control or influence, John. I WILL forgive you. You cannot
+move me to remember any wrong you have ever done me, John.'
+
+'Wrong!' cried the other, with all the heat and impetuosity of his age.
+'Here's a pretty fellow! Wrong! Wrong I have done him! He'll not even
+remember the five hundred pounds he had with me under false pretences;
+or the seventy pounds a year for board and lodging that would have been
+dear at seventeen! Here's a martyr!'
+
+'Money, John,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is the root of all evil. I grieve
+to see that it is already bearing evil fruit in you. But I will not
+remember its existence. I will not even remember the conduct of that
+misguided person'--and here, although he spoke like one at peace with
+all the world, he used an emphasis that plainly said "I have my eye
+upon the rascal now"--'that misguided person who has brought you here
+to-night, seeking to disturb (it is a happiness to say, in vain) the
+heart's repose and peace of one who would have shed his dearest blood to
+serve him.'
+
+The voice of Mr Pecksniff trembled as he spoke, and sobs were heard from
+his daughters. Sounds floated on the air, moreover, as if two spirit
+voices had exclaimed: one, 'Beast!' the other, 'Savage!'
+
+'Forgiveness,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'entire and pure forgiveness is not
+incompatible with a wounded heart; perchance when the heart is wounded,
+it becomes a greater virtue. With my breast still wrung and grieved to
+its inmost core by the ingratitude of that person, I am proud and glad
+to say that I forgive him. Nay! I beg,' cried Mr Pecksniff, raising his
+voice, as Pinch appeared about to speak, 'I beg that individual not to
+offer a remark; he will truly oblige me by not uttering one word, just
+now. I am not sure that I am equal to the trial. In a very short space
+of time, I shall have sufficient fortitude, I trust to converse with
+him as if these events had never happened. But not,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+turning round again towards the fire, and waving his hand in the
+direction of the door, 'not now.'
+
+'Bah!' cried John Westlock, with the utmost disgust and disdain the
+monosyllable is capable of expressing. 'Ladies, good evening. Come,
+Pinch, it's not worth thinking of. I was right and you were wrong.
+That's small matter; you'll be wiser another time.'
+
+So saying, he clapped that dejected companion on the shoulder, turned
+upon his heel, and walked out into the passage, whither poor Mr
+Pinch, after lingering irresolutely in the parlour for a few seconds,
+expressing in his countenance the deepest mental misery and gloom
+followed him. Then they took up the box between them, and sallied out to
+meet the mail.
+
+That fleet conveyance passed, every night, the corner of a lane at some
+distance; towards which point they bent their steps. For some minutes
+they walked along in silence, until at length young Westlock burst into
+a loud laugh, and at intervals into another, and another. Still there
+was no response from his companion.
+
+'I'll tell you what, Pinch!' he said abruptly, after another lengthened
+silence--'You haven't half enough of the devil in you. Half enough! You
+haven't any.'
+
+'Well!' said Pinch with a sigh, 'I don't know, I'm sure. It's compliment
+to say so. If I haven't, I suppose, I'm all the better for it.'
+
+'All the better!' repeated his companion tartly: 'All the worse, you
+mean to say.'
+
+'And yet,' said Pinch, pursuing his own thoughts and not this last
+remark on the part of his friend, 'I must have a good deal of what
+you call the devil in me, too, or how could I make Pecksniff so
+uncomfortable? I wouldn't have occasioned him so much distress--don't
+laugh, please--for a mine of money; and Heaven knows I could find good
+use for it too, John. How grieved he was!'
+
+'HE grieved!' returned the other.
+
+'Why didn't you observe that the tears were almost starting out of his
+eyes!' cried Pinch. 'Bless my soul, John, is it nothing to see a man
+moved to that extent and know one's self to be the cause! And did you
+hear him say that he could have shed his blood for me?'
+
+'Do you WANT any blood shed for you?' returned his friend, with
+considerable irritation. 'Does he shed anything for you that you DO
+want? Does he shed employment for you, instruction for you, pocket
+money for you? Does he shed even legs of mutton for you in any decent
+proportion to potatoes and garden stuff?'
+
+'I am afraid,' said Pinch, sighing again, 'that I am a great eater; I
+can't disguise from myself that I'm a great eater. Now, you know that,
+John.'
+
+'You a great eater!' retorted his companion, with no less indignation
+than before. 'How do you know you are?'
+
+There appeared to be forcible matter in this inquiry, for Mr Pinch only
+repeated in an undertone that he had a strong misgiving on the subject,
+and that he greatly feared he was.
+
+'Besides, whether I am or no,' he added, 'that has little or nothing to
+do with his thinking me ungrateful. John, there is scarcely a sin in the
+world that is in my eyes such a crying one as ingratitude; and when
+he taxes me with that, and believes me to be guilty of it, he makes me
+miserable and wretched.'
+
+'Do you think he don't know that?' returned the other scornfully.
+'But come, Pinch, before I say anything more to you, just run over the
+reasons you have for being grateful to him at all, will you? Change
+hands first, for the box is heavy. That'll do. Now, go on.'
+
+'In the first place,' said Pinch, 'he took me as his pupil for much less
+than he asked.'
+
+'Well,' rejoined his friend, perfectly unmoved by this instance of
+generosity. 'What in the second place?'
+
+'What in the second place?' cried Pinch, in a sort of desperation, 'why,
+everything in the second place. My poor old grandmother died happy to
+think that she had put me with such an excellent man. I have grown up
+in his house, I am in his confidence, I am his assistant, he allows me a
+salary; when his business improves, my prospects are to improve too.
+All this, and a great deal more, is in the second place. And in the very
+prologue and preface to the first place, John, you must consider this,
+which nobody knows better than I: that I was born for much plainer and
+poorer things, that I am not a good hand for his kind of business, and
+have no talent for it, or indeed for anything else but odds and ends
+that are of no use or service to anybody.'
+
+He said this with so much earnestness, and in a tone so full of feeling,
+that his companion instinctively changed his manner as he sat down on
+the box (they had by this time reached the finger-post at the end of the
+lane); motioned him to sit down beside him; and laid his hand upon his
+shoulder.
+
+'I believe you are one of the best fellows in the world,' he said, 'Tom
+Pinch.'
+
+'Not at all,' rejoined Tom. 'If you only knew Pecksniff as well as I do,
+you might say it of him, indeed, and say it truly.'
+
+'I'll say anything of him, you like,' returned the other, 'and not
+another word to his disparagement.'
+
+'It's for my sake, then; not his, I am afraid,' said Pinch, shaking his
+head gravely.
+
+'For whose you please, Tom, so that it does please you. Oh! He's a
+famous fellow! HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all your poor
+grandmother's hard savings--she was a housekeeper, wasn't she, Tom?'
+
+'Yes,' said Mr Pinch, nursing one of his large knees, and nodding his
+head; 'a gentleman's housekeeper.'
+
+'HE never scraped and clawed into his pouch all her hard savings;
+dazzling her with prospects of your happiness and advancement, which he
+knew (and no man better) never would be realised! HE never speculated
+and traded on her pride in you, and her having educated you, and on her
+desire that you at least should live to be a gentleman. Not he, Tom!'
+
+'No,' said Tom, looking into his friend's face, as if he were a little
+doubtful of his meaning. 'Of course not.'
+
+'So I say,' returned the youth, 'of course he never did. HE didn't take
+less than he had asked, because that less was all she had, and more than
+he expected; not he, Tom! He doesn't keep you as his assistant
+because you are of any use to him; because your wonderful faith in his
+pretensions is of inestimable service in all his mean disputes; because
+your honesty reflects honesty on him; because your wandering about this
+little place all your spare hours, reading in ancient books and foreign
+tongues, gets noised abroad, even as far as Salisbury, making of him,
+Pecksniff the master, a man of learning and of vast importance. HE gets
+no credit from you, Tom, not he.'
+
+'Why, of course he don't,' said Pinch, gazing at his friend with a more
+troubled aspect than before. 'Pecksniff get credit from me! Well!'
+
+'Don't I say that it's ridiculous,' rejoined the other, 'even to think
+of such a thing?'
+
+'Why, it's madness,' said Tom.
+
+'Madness!' returned young Westlock. 'Certainly it's madness. Who but
+a madman would suppose he cares to hear it said on Sundays, that the
+volunteer who plays the organ in the church, and practises on summer
+evenings in the dark, is Mr Pecksniff's young man, eh, Tom? Who but a
+madman would suppose it is the game of such a man as he, to have his
+name in everybody's mouth, connected with the thousand useless odds and
+ends you do (and which, of course, he taught you), eh, Tom? Who but a
+madman would suppose you advertised him hereabouts, much cheaper and
+much better than a chalker on the walls could, eh, Tom? As well might
+one suppose that he doesn't on all occasions pour out his whole heart
+and soul to you; that he doesn't make you a very liberal and indeed
+rather an extravagant allowance; or, to be more wild and monstrous
+still, if that be possible, as well might one suppose,' and here, at
+every word, he struck him lightly on the breast, 'that Pecksniff traded
+in your nature, and that your nature was to be timid and distrustful
+of yourself, and trustful of all other men, but most of all, of him who
+least deserves it. There would be madness, Tom!'
+
+Mr Pinch had listened to all this with looks of bewilderment, which
+seemed to be in part occasioned by the matter of his companion's speech,
+and in part by his rapid and vehement manner. Now that he had come to a
+close, he drew a very long breath; and gazing wistfully in his face as
+if he were unable to settle in his own mind what expression it wore, and
+were desirous to draw from it as good a clue to his real meaning as it
+was possible to obtain in the dark, was about to answer, when the sound
+of the mail guard's horn came cheerily upon their ears, putting
+an immediate end to the conference; greatly as it seemed to the
+satisfaction of the younger man, who jumped up briskly, and gave his
+hand to his companion.
+
+'Both hands, Tom. I shall write to you from London, mind!'
+
+'Yes,' said Pinch. 'Yes. Do, please. Good-bye. Good-bye. I can hardly
+believe you're going. It seems, now, but yesterday that you came.
+Good-bye! my dear old fellow!'
+
+John Westlock returned his parting words with no less heartiness of
+manner, and sprung up to his seat upon the roof. Off went the mail at
+a canter down the dark road; the lamps gleaming brightly, and the horn
+awakening all the echoes, far and wide.
+
+'Go your ways,' said Pinch, apostrophizing the coach; 'I can hardly
+persuade myself but you're alive, and are some great monster who visits
+this place at certain intervals, to bear my friends away into the world.
+You're more exulting and rampant than usual tonight, I think; and you
+may well crow over your prize; for he is a fine lad, an ingenuous lad,
+and has but one fault that I know of; he don't mean it, but he is most
+cruelly unjust to Pecksniff!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THREE
+
+IN WHICH CERTAIN OTHER PERSONS ARE INTRODUCED; ON THE SAME TERMS AS IN
+THE LAST CHAPTER
+
+
+Mention has been already made more than once, of a certain Dragon who
+swung and creaked complainingly before the village alehouse door. A
+faded, and an ancient dragon he was; and many a wintry storm of rain,
+snow, sleet, and hail, had changed his colour from a gaudy blue to a
+faint lack-lustre shade of grey. But there he hung; rearing, in a state
+of monstrous imbecility, on his hind legs; waxing, with every month that
+passed, so much more dim and shapeless, that as you gazed at him on
+one side of the sign-board it seemed as if he must be gradually melting
+through it, and coming out upon the other.
+
+He was a courteous and considerate dragon, too; or had been in his
+distincter days; for in the midst of his rampant feebleness, he kept
+one of his forepaws near his nose, as though he would say, 'Don't
+mind me--it's only my fun;' while he held out the other in polite and
+hospitable entreaty. Indeed it must be conceded to the whole brood
+of dragons of modern times, that they have made a great advance in
+civilisation and refinement. They no longer demand a beautiful virgin
+for breakfast every morning, with as much regularity as any tame single
+gentleman expects his hot roll, but rest content with the society of
+idle bachelors and roving married men; and they are now remarkable
+rather for holding aloof from the softer sex and discouraging their
+visits (especially on Saturday nights), than for rudely insisting on
+their company without any reference to their inclinations, as they are
+known to have done in days of yore.
+
+Nor is this tribute to the reclaimed animals in question so wide a
+digression into the realms of Natural History as it may, at first sight,
+appear to be; for the present business of these pages in with the dragon
+who had his retreat in Mr Pecksniff's neighbourhood, and that courteous
+animal being already on the carpet, there is nothing in the way of its
+immediate transaction.
+
+For many years, then, he had swung and creaked, and flapped himself
+about, before the two windows of the best bedroom of that house of
+entertainment to which he lent his name; but never in all his swinging,
+creaking, and flapping, had there been such a stir within its dingy
+precincts, as on the evening next after that upon which the incidents,
+detailed in the last chapter occurred; when there was such a hurrying up
+and down stairs of feet, such a glancing of lights, such a whispering
+of voices, such a smoking and sputtering of wood newly lighted in a
+damp chimney, such an airing of linen, such a scorching smell of hot
+warming-pans, such a domestic bustle and to-do, in short, as never
+dragon, griffin, unicorn, or other animal of that species presided over,
+since they first began to interest themselves in household affairs.
+
+An old gentleman and a young lady, travelling, unattended, in a rusty
+old chariot with post-horses; coming nobody knew whence and going nobody
+knew whither; had turned out of the high road, and driven unexpectedly
+to the Blue Dragon; and here was the old gentleman, who had taken this
+step by reason of his sudden illness in the carriage, suffering the most
+horrible cramps and spasms, yet protesting and vowing in the very midst
+of his pain, that he wouldn't have a doctor sent for, and wouldn't take
+any remedies but those which the young lady administered from a small
+medicine-chest, and wouldn't, in a word, do anything but terrify the
+landlady out of her five wits, and obstinately refuse compliance with
+every suggestion that was made to him.
+
+Of all the five hundred proposals for his relief which the good woman
+poured out in less than half an hour, he would entertain but one. That
+was that he should go to bed. And it was in the preparation of his bed
+and the arrangement of his chamber, that all the stir was made in the
+room behind the Dragon.
+
+He was, beyond all question, very ill, and suffered exceedingly; not the
+less, perhaps, because he was a strong and vigorous old man, with a will
+of iron, and a voice of brass. But neither the apprehensions which
+he plainly entertained, at times, for his life, nor the great pain he
+underwent, influenced his resolution in the least degree. He would have
+no person sent for. The worse he grew, the more rigid and inflexible he
+became in his determination. If they sent for any person to attend him,
+man, woman, or child, he would leave the house directly (so he told
+them), though he quitted it on foot, and died upon the threshold of the
+door.
+
+Now, there being no medical practitioner actually resident in the
+village, but a poor apothecary who was also a grocer and general dealer,
+the landlady had, upon her own responsibility, sent for him, in the
+very first burst and outset of the disaster. Of course it followed, as
+a necessary result of his being wanted, that he was not at home. He had
+gone some miles away, and was not expected home until late at night; so
+the landlady, being by this time pretty well beside herself, dispatched
+the same messenger in all haste for Mr Pecksniff, as a learned man
+who could bear a deal of responsibility, and a moral man who could
+administer a world of comfort to a troubled mind. That her guest had
+need of some efficient services under the latter head was obvious enough
+from the restless expressions, importing, however, rather a worldly than
+a spiritual anxiety, to which he gave frequent utterance.
+
+From this last-mentioned secret errand, the messenger returned with no
+better news than from the first; Mr Pecksniff was not at home. However,
+they got the patient into bed without him; and in the course of two
+hours, he gradually became so far better that there were much longer
+intervals than at first between his terms of suffering. By degrees, he
+ceased to suffer at all; though his exhaustion was occasionally so great
+that it suggested hardly less alarm than his actual endurance had done.
+
+It was in one of his intervals of repose, when, looking round with
+great caution, and reaching uneasily out of his nest of pillows, he
+endeavoured, with a strange air of secrecy and distrust, to make use
+of the writing materials which he had ordered to be placed on a table
+beside him, that the young lady and the mistress of the Blue Dragon
+found themselves sitting side by side before the fire in the sick
+chamber.
+
+The mistress of the Blue Dragon was in outward appearance just what a
+landlady should be: broad, buxom, comfortable, and good looking, with a
+face of clear red and white, which, by its jovial aspect, at once bore
+testimony to her hearty participation in the good things of the larder
+and cellar, and to their thriving and healthful influences. She was a
+widow, but years ago had passed through her state of weeds, and burst
+into flower again; and in full bloom she had continued ever since; and
+in full bloom she was now; with roses on her ample skirts, and roses
+on her bodice, roses in her cap, roses in her cheeks,--aye, and roses,
+worth the gathering too, on her lips, for that matter. She had still a
+bright black eye, and jet black hair; was comely, dimpled, plump, and
+tight as a gooseberry; and though she was not exactly what the world
+calls young, you may make an affidavit, on trust, before any mayor or
+magistrate in Christendom, that there are a great many young ladies in
+the world (blessings on them one and all!) whom you wouldn't like half
+as well, or admire half as much, as the beaming hostess of the Blue
+Dragon.
+
+As this fair matron sat beside the fire, she glanced occasionally with
+all the pride of ownership, about the room; which was a large apartment,
+such as one may see in country places, with a low roof and a sunken
+flooring, all downhill from the door, and a descent of two steps on
+the inside so exquisitely unexpected, that strangers, despite the
+most elaborate cautioning, usually dived in head first, as into a
+plunging-bath. It was none of your frivolous and preposterously bright
+bedrooms, where nobody can close an eye with any kind of propriety or
+decent regard to the association of ideas; but it was a good, dull,
+leaden, drowsy place, where every article of furniture reminded you
+that you came there to sleep, and that you were expected to go to sleep.
+There was no wakeful reflection of the fire there, as in your modern
+chambers, which upon the darkest nights have a watchful consciousness of
+French polish; the old Spanish mahogany winked at it now and then, as
+a dozing cat or dog might, nothing more. The very size and shape, and
+hopeless immovability of the bedstead, and wardrobe, and in a minor
+degree of even the chairs and tables, provoked sleep; they were plainly
+apoplectic and disposed to snore. There were no staring portraits
+to remonstrate with you for being lazy; no round-eyed birds upon the
+curtains, disgustingly wide awake, and insufferably prying. The
+thick neutral hangings, and the dark blinds, and the heavy heap
+of bed-clothes, were all designed to hold in sleep, and act as
+nonconductors to the day and getting up. Even the old stuffed fox upon
+the top of the wardrobe was devoid of any spark of vigilance, for his
+glass eye had fallen out, and he slumbered as he stood.
+
+The wandering attention of the mistress of the Blue Dragon roved to
+these things but twice or thrice, and then for but an instant at a time.
+It soon deserted them, and even the distant bed with its strange burden,
+for the young creature immediately before her, who, with her downcast
+eyes intently fixed upon the fire, sat wrapped in silent meditation.
+
+She was very young; apparently no more than seventeen; timid and
+shrinking in her manner, and yet with a greater share of self possession
+and control over her emotions than usually belongs to a far more
+advanced period of female life. This she had abundantly shown, but now,
+in her tending of the sick gentleman. She was short in stature; and her
+figure was slight, as became her years; but all the charms of youth and
+maidenhood set it off, and clustered on her gentle brow. Her face was
+very pale, in part no doubt from recent agitation. Her dark brown hair,
+disordered from the same cause, had fallen negligently from its bonds,
+and hung upon her neck; for which instance of its waywardness no male
+observer would have had the heart to blame it.
+
+Her attire was that of a lady, but extremely plain; and in her manner,
+even when she sat as still as she did then, there was an indefinable
+something which appeared to be in kindred with her scrupulously
+unpretending dress. She had sat, at first looking anxiously towards the
+bed; but seeing that the patient remained quiet, and was busy with his
+writing, she had softly moved her chair into its present place; partly,
+as it seemed, from an instinctive consciousness that he desired to avoid
+observation; and partly that she might, unseen by him, give some vent to
+the natural feelings she had hitherto suppressed.
+
+Of all this, and much more, the rosy landlady of the Blue Dragon took
+as accurate note and observation as only woman can take of woman. And at
+length she said, in a voice too low, she knew, to reach the bed:
+
+'You have seen the gentleman in this way before, miss? Is he used to
+these attacks?'
+
+'I have seen him very ill before, but not so ill as he has been
+tonight.'
+
+'What a Providence!' said the landlady of the Dragon, 'that you had the
+prescriptions and the medicines with you, miss!'
+
+'They are intended for such an emergency. We never travel without them.'
+
+'Oh!' thought the hostess, 'then we are in the habit of travelling, and
+of travelling together.'
+
+She was so conscious of expressing this in her face, that meeting
+the young lady's eyes immediately afterwards, and being a very honest
+hostess, she was rather confused.
+
+'The gentleman--your grandpapa'--she resumed, after a short pause,
+'being so bent on having no assistance, must terrify you very much,
+miss?'
+
+'I have been very much alarmed to-night. He--he is not my grandfather.'
+
+'Father, I should have said,' returned the hostess, sensible of having
+made an awkward mistake.
+
+'Nor my father' said the young lady. 'Nor,' she added, slightly smiling
+with a quick perception of what the landlady was going to add, 'Nor my
+uncle. We are not related.'
+
+'Oh dear me!' returned the landlady, still more embarrassed than before;
+'how could I be so very much mistaken; knowing, as anybody in their
+proper senses might that when a gentleman is ill, he looks so much older
+than he really is? That I should have called you "Miss," too, ma'am!'
+But when she had proceeded thus far, she glanced involuntarily at the
+third finger of the young lady's left hand, and faltered again; for
+there was no ring upon it.
+
+'When I told you we were not related,' said the other mildly, but not
+without confusion on her own part, 'I meant not in any way. Not even by
+marriage. Did you call me, Martin?'
+
+'Call you?' cried the old man, looking quickly up, and hurriedly drawing
+beneath the coverlet the paper on which he had been writing. 'No.'
+
+She had moved a pace or two towards the bed, but stopped immediately,
+and went no farther.
+
+'No,' he repeated, with a petulant emphasis. 'Why do you ask me? If I
+had called you, what need for such a question?'
+
+'It was the creaking of the sign outside, sir, I dare say,' observed the
+landlady; a suggestion by the way (as she felt a moment after she had
+made it), not at all complimentary to the voice of the old gentleman.
+
+'No matter what, ma'am,' he rejoined: 'it wasn't I. Why how you stand
+there, Mary, as if I had the plague! But they're all afraid of me,' he
+added, leaning helplessly backward on his pillow; 'even she! There is a
+curse upon me. What else have I to look for?'
+
+'Oh dear, no. Oh no, I'm sure,' said the good-tempered landlady, rising,
+and going towards him. 'Be of better cheer, sir. These are only sick
+fancies.'
+
+'What are only sick fancies?' he retorted. 'What do you know about
+fancies? Who told you about fancies? The old story! Fancies!'
+
+'Only see again there, how you take one up!' said the mistress of the
+Blue Dragon, with unimpaired good humour. 'Dear heart alive, there is
+no harm in the word, sir, if it is an old one. Folks in good health have
+their fancies, too, and strange ones, every day.'
+
+Harmless as this speech appeared to be, it acted on the traveller's
+distrust, like oil on fire. He raised his head up in the bed, and,
+fixing on her two dark eyes whose brightness was exaggerated by the
+paleness of his hollow cheeks, as they in turn, together with his
+straggling locks of long grey hair, were rendered whiter by the tight
+black velvet skullcap which he wore, he searched her face intently.
+
+'Ah! you begin too soon,' he said, in so low a voice that he seemed to
+be thinking it, rather than addressing her. 'But you lose no time. You
+do your errand, and you earn your fee. Now, who may be your client?'
+
+The landlady looked in great astonishment at her whom he called Mary,
+and finding no rejoinder in the drooping face, looked back again at him.
+At first she had recoiled involuntarily, supposing him disordered in
+his mind; but the slow composure of his manner, and the settled purpose
+announced in his strong features, and gathering, most of all, about his
+puckered mouth, forbade the supposition.
+
+'Come,' he said, 'tell me who is it? Being here, it is not very hard for
+me to guess, you may suppose.'
+
+'Martin,' interposed the young lady, laying her hand upon his arm;
+'reflect how short a time we have been in this house, and that even your
+name is unknown here.'
+
+'Unless,' he said, 'you--' He was evidently tempted to express a
+suspicion of her having broken his confidence in favour of the landlady,
+but either remembering her tender nursing, or being moved in some sort
+by her face, he checked himself, and changing his uneasy posture in the
+bed, was silent.
+
+'There!' said Mrs Lupin; for in that name the Blue Dragon was licensed
+to furnish entertainment, both to man and beast. 'Now, you will be well
+again, sir. You forgot, for the moment, that there were none but friends
+here.'
+
+'Oh!' cried the old man, moaning impatiently, as he tossed one restless
+arm upon the coverlet; 'why do you talk to me of friends! Can you or
+anybody teach me to know who are my friends, and who my enemies?'
+
+'At least,' urged Mrs Lupin, gently, 'this young lady is your friend, I
+am sure.'
+
+'She has no temptation to be otherwise,' cried the old man, like one
+whose hope and confidence were utterly exhausted. 'I suppose she is.
+Heaven knows. There, let me try to sleep. Leave the candle where it is.'
+
+As they retired from the bed, he drew forth the writing which had
+occupied him so long, and holding it in the flame of the taper burnt
+it to ashes. That done, he extinguished the light, and turning his face
+away with a heavy sigh, drew the coverlet about his head, and lay quite
+still.
+
+This destruction of the paper, both as being strangely inconsistent with
+the labour he had devoted to it, and as involving considerable danger of
+fire to the Dragon, occasioned Mrs Lupin not a little consternation. But
+the young lady evincing no surprise, curiosity, or alarm, whispered her,
+with many thanks for her solicitude and company, that she would remain
+there some time longer; and that she begged her not to share her watch,
+as she was well used to being alone, and would pass the time in reading.
+
+Mrs Lupin had her full share and dividend of that large capital of
+curiosity which is inherited by her sex, and at another time it might
+have been difficult so to impress this hint upon her as to induce her to
+take it. But now, in sheer wonder and amazement at these mysteries, she
+withdrew at once, and repairing straightway to her own little parlour
+below stairs, sat down in her easy-chair with unnatural composure.
+At this very crisis, a step was heard in the entry, and Mr Pecksniff,
+looking sweetly over the half-door of the bar, and into the vista of
+snug privacy beyond, murmured:
+
+'Good evening, Mrs Lupin!'
+
+'Oh dear me, sir!' she cried, advancing to receive him, 'I am so very
+glad you have come.'
+
+'And I am very glad I have come,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'if I can be of
+service. I am very glad I have come. What is the matter, Mrs Lupin?'
+
+'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs,
+sir,' said the tearful hostess.
+
+'A gentleman taken ill upon the road, has been so very bad upstairs, has
+he?' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'Well, well!'
+
+Now there was nothing that one may call decidedly original in this
+remark, nor can it be exactly said to have contained any wise precept
+theretofore unknown to mankind, or to have opened any hidden source of
+consolation; but Mr Pecksniff's manner was so bland, and he nodded his
+head so soothingly, and showed in everything such an affable sense of
+his own excellence, that anybody would have been, as Mrs Lupin was,
+comforted by the mere voice and presence of such a man; and, though he
+had merely said 'a verb must agree with its nominative case in number
+and person, my good friend,' or 'eight times eight are sixty-four, my
+worthy soul,' must have felt deeply grateful to him for his humanity and
+wisdom.
+
+'And how,' asked Mr Pecksniff, drawing off his gloves and warming his
+hands before the fire, as benevolently as if they were somebody else's,
+not his; 'and how is he now?'
+
+'He is better, and quite tranquil,' answered Mrs Lupin.
+
+'He is better, and quite tranquil,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Very well! Ve-ry
+well!'
+
+Here again, though the statement was Mrs Lupin's and not Mr Pecksniff's,
+Mr Pecksniff made it his own and consoled her with it. It was not much
+when Mrs Lupin said it, but it was a whole book when Mr Pecksniff said
+it. 'I observe,' he seemed to say, 'and through me, morality in general
+remarks, that he is better and quite tranquil.'
+
+'There must be weighty matters on his mind, though,' said the hostess,
+shaking her head, 'for he talks, sir, in the strangest way you ever
+heard. He is far from easy in his thoughts, and wants some proper advice
+from those whose goodness makes it worth his having.'
+
+'Then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'he is the sort of customer for me.' But
+though he said this in the plainest language, he didn't speak a word. He
+only shook his head; disparagingly of himself too.
+
+'I am afraid, sir,' continued the landlady, first looking round to
+assure herself that there was nobody within hearing, and then looking
+down upon the floor. 'I am very much afraid, sir, that his conscience
+is troubled by his not being related to--or--or even married to--a very
+young lady--'
+
+'Mrs Lupin!' said Mr Pecksniff, holding up his hand with something in
+his manner as nearly approaching to severity as any expression of his,
+mild being that he was, could ever do. 'Person! young person?'
+
+'A very young person,' said Mrs Lupin, curtseying and blushing; '--I beg
+your pardon, sir, but I have been so hurried to-night, that I don't know
+what I say--who is with him now.'
+
+'Who is with him now,' ruminated Mr Pecksniff, warming his back (as he
+had warmed his hands) as if it were a widow's back, or an orphan's back,
+or an enemy's back, or a back that any less excellent man would have
+suffered to be cold. 'Oh dear me, dear me!'
+
+'At the same time I am bound to say, and I do say with all my heart,'
+observed the hostess, earnestly, 'that her looks and manner almost
+disarm suspicion.'
+
+'Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,' said Mr Pecksniff gravely, 'is very
+natural.'
+
+Touching which remark, let it be written down to their confusion, that
+the enemies of this worthy man unblushingly maintained that he always
+said of what was very bad, that it was very natural; and that he
+unconsciously betrayed his own nature in doing so.
+
+'Your suspicion, Mrs Lupin,' he repeated, 'is very natural, and I have
+no doubt correct. I will wait upon these travellers.'
+
+With that he took off his great-coat, and having run his fingers through
+his hair, thrust one hand gently in the bosom of his waist-coat and
+meekly signed to her to lead the way.
+
+'Shall I knock?' asked Mrs Lupin, when they reached the chamber door.
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'enter if you please.'
+
+They went in on tiptoe; or rather the hostess took that precaution for
+Mr Pecksniff always walked softly. The old gentleman was still asleep,
+and his young companion still sat reading by the fire.
+
+'I am afraid,' said Mr Pecksniff, pausing at the door, and giving
+his head a melancholy roll, 'I am afraid that this looks artful. I am
+afraid, Mrs Lupin, do you know, that this looks very artful!'
+
+As he finished this whisper, he advanced before the hostess; and at the
+same time the young lady, hearing footsteps, rose. Mr Pecksniff glanced
+at the volume she held, and whispered Mrs Lupin again; if possible, with
+increased despondency.
+
+'Yes, ma'am,' he said, 'it is a good book. I was fearful of that
+beforehand. I am apprehensive that this is a very deep thing indeed!'
+
+'What gentleman is this?' inquired the object of his virtuous doubts.
+
+'Hush! don't trouble yourself, ma'am,' said Mr Pecksniff, as the
+landlady was about to answer. 'This young'--in spite of himself he
+hesitated when "person" rose to his lips, and substituted another word:
+'this young stranger, Mrs Lupin, will excuse me for replying briefly,
+that I reside in this village; it may be in an influential manner,
+however, undeserved; and that I have been summoned here by you. I am
+here, as I am everywhere, I hope, in sympathy for the sick and sorry.'
+
+With these impressive words, Mr Pecksniff passed over to the bedside,
+where, after patting the counterpane once or twice in a very solemn
+manner, as if by that means he gained a clear insight into the patient's
+disorder, he took his seat in a large arm-chair, and in an attitude of
+some thoughtfulness and much comfort, waited for his waking. Whatever
+objection the young lady urged to Mrs Lupin went no further, for nothing
+more was said to Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff said nothing more to
+anybody else.
+
+Full half an hour elapsed before the old man stirred, but at length he
+turned himself in bed, and, though not yet awake, gave tokens that
+his sleep was drawing to an end. By little and little he removed the
+bed-clothes from about his head, and turned still more towards the side
+where Mr Pecksniff sat. In course of time his eyes opened; and he
+lay for a few moments as people newly roused sometimes will, gazing
+indolently at his visitor, without any distinct consciousness of his
+presence.
+
+There was nothing remarkable in these proceedings, except the influence
+they worked on Mr Pecksniff, which could hardly have been surpassed by
+the most marvellous of natural phenomena. Gradually his hands became
+tightly clasped upon the elbows of the chair, his eyes dilated with
+surprise, his mouth opened, his hair stood more erect upon his forehead
+than its custom was, until, at length, when the old man rose in bed,
+and stared at him with scarcely less emotion than he showed himself, the
+Pecksniff doubts were all resolved, and he exclaimed aloud:
+
+'You ARE Martin Chuzzlewit!'
+
+His consternation of surprise was so genuine, that the old man, with all
+the disposition that he clearly entertained to believe it assumed, was
+convinced of its reality.
+
+'I am Martin Chuzzlewit,' he said, bitterly: 'and Martin Chuzzlewit
+wishes you had been hanged, before you had come here to disturb him in
+his sleep. Why, I dreamed of this fellow!' he said, lying down again,
+and turning away his face, 'before I knew that he was near me!'
+
+'My good cousin--' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'There! His very first words!' cried the old man, shaking his grey head
+to and fro upon the pillow, and throwing up his hands. 'In his very
+first words he asserts his relationship! I knew he would; they all do
+it! Near or distant, blood or water, it's all one. Ugh! What a calendar
+of deceit, and lying, and false-witnessing, the sound of any word of
+kindred opens before me!'
+
+'Pray do not be hasty, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, in a tone that
+was at once in the sublimest degree compassionate and dispassionate;
+for he had by this time recovered from his surprise, and was in full
+possession of his virtuous self. 'You will regret being hasty, I know
+you will.'
+
+'You know!' said Martin, contemptuously.
+
+'Yes,' retorted Mr Pecksniff. 'Aye, aye, Mr Chuzzlewit; and don't
+imagine that I mean to court or flatter you; for nothing is further from
+my intention. Neither, sir, need you entertain the least misgiving that
+I shall repeat that obnoxious word which has given you so much offence
+already. Why should I? What do I expect or want from you? There is
+nothing in your possession that I know of, Mr Chuzzlewit, which is much
+to be coveted for the happiness it brings you.'
+
+'That's true enough,' muttered the old man.
+
+'Apart from that consideration,' said Mr Pecksniff, watchful of the
+effect he made, 'it must be plain to you (I am sure) by this time, that
+if I had wished to insinuate myself into your good opinion, I should
+have been, of all things, careful not to address you as a relative;
+knowing your humour, and being quite certain beforehand that I could not
+have a worse letter of recommendation.'
+
+Martin made not any verbal answer; but he as clearly implied though only
+by a motion of his legs beneath the bed-clothes, that there was reason
+in this, and that he could not dispute it, as if he had said as much in
+good set terms.
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, keeping his hand in his waistcoat as though
+he were ready, on the shortest notice, to produce his heart for
+Martin Chuzzlewit's inspection, 'I came here to offer my services to
+a stranger. I make no offer of them to you, because I know you would
+distrust me if I did. But lying on that bed, sir, I regard you as a
+stranger, and I have just that amount of interest in you which I hope I
+should feel in any stranger, circumstanced as you are. Beyond that, I am
+quite as indifferent to you, Mr Chuzzlewit, as you are to me.'
+
+Having said which, Mr Pecksniff threw himself back in the easy-chair;
+so radiant with ingenuous honesty, that Mrs Lupin almost wondered not to
+see a stained-glass Glory, such as the Saint wore in the church, shining
+about his head.
+
+A long pause succeeded. The old man, with increased restlessness,
+changed his posture several times. Mrs Lupin and the young lady gazed
+in silence at the counterpane. Mr Pecksniff toyed abstractedly with his
+eye-glass, and kept his eyes shut, that he might ruminate the better.
+
+'Eh?' he said at last, opening them suddenly, and looking towards the
+bed. 'I beg your pardon. I thought you spoke. Mrs Lupin,' he continued,
+slowly rising 'I am not aware that I can be of any service to you here.
+The gentleman is better, and you are as good a nurse as he can have.
+Eh?'
+
+This last note of interrogation bore reference to another change
+of posture on the old man's part, which brought his face towards Mr
+Pecksniff for the first time since he had turned away from him.
+
+'If you desire to speak to me before I go, sir,' continued that
+gentleman, after another pause, 'you may command my leisure; but I
+must stipulate, in justice to myself, that you do so as to a stranger,
+strictly as to a stranger.'
+
+Now if Mr Pecksniff knew, from anything Martin Chuzzlewit had expressed
+in gestures, that he wanted to speak to him, he could only have found it
+out on some such principle as prevails in melodramas, and in virtue of
+which the elderly farmer with the comic son always knows what the dumb
+girl means when she takes refuge in his garden, and relates her personal
+memoirs in incomprehensible pantomime. But without stopping to make any
+inquiry on this point, Martin Chuzzlewit signed to his young companion
+to withdraw, which she immediately did, along with the landlady leaving
+him and Mr Pecksniff alone together. For some time they looked at each
+other in silence; or rather the old man looked at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr
+Pecksniff again closing his eyes on all outward objects, took an inward
+survey of his own breast. That it amply repaid him for his trouble,
+and afforded a delicious and enchanting prospect, was clear from the
+expression of his face.
+
+'You wish me to speak to you as to a total stranger,' said the old man,
+'do you?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff replied, by a shrug of his shoulders and an apparent
+turning round of his eyes in their sockets before he opened them, that
+he was still reduced to the necessity of entertaining that desire.
+
+'You shall be gratified,' said Martin. 'Sir, I am a rich man. Not so
+rich as some suppose, perhaps, but yet wealthy. I am not a miser sir,
+though even that charge is made against me, as I hear, and currently
+believed. I have no pleasure in hoarding. I have no pleasure in the
+possession of money, The devil that we call by that name can give me
+nothing but unhappiness.'
+
+It would be no description of Mr Pecksniff's gentleness of manner to
+adopt the common parlance, and say that he looked at this moment as if
+butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. He rather looked as if any quantity
+of butter might have been made out of him, by churning the milk of human
+kindness, as it spouted upwards from his heart.
+
+'For the same reason that I am not a hoarder of money,' said the old
+man, 'I am not lavish of it. Some people find their gratification in
+storing it up; and others theirs in parting with it; but I have no
+gratification connected with the thing. Pain and bitterness are the only
+goods it ever could procure for me. I hate it. It is a spectre walking
+before me through the world, and making every social pleasure hideous.'
+
+A thought arose in Pecksniff's mind, which must have instantly mounted
+to his face, or Martin Chuzzlewit would not have resumed as quickly and
+as sternly as he did:
+
+'You would advise me for my peace of mind, to get rid of this source of
+misery, and transfer it to some one who could bear it better. Even you,
+perhaps, would rid me of a burden under which I suffer so grievously.
+But, kind stranger,' said the old man, whose every feature darkened as
+he spoke, 'good Christian stranger, that is a main part of my trouble.
+In other hands, I have known money do good; in other hands I have known
+it triumphed in, and boasted of with reason, as the master-key to all
+the brazen gates that close upon the paths to worldly honour,
+fortune, and enjoyment. To what man or woman; to what worthy, honest,
+incorruptible creature; shall I confide such a talisman, either now
+or when I die? Do you know any such person? YOUR virtues are of course
+inestimable, but can you tell me of any other living creature who will
+bear the test of contact with myself?'
+
+'Of contact with yourself, sir?' echoed Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Aye,' returned the old man, 'the test of contact with me--with me. You
+have heard of him whose misery (the gratification of his own foolish
+wish) was, that he turned every thing he touched into gold. The curse
+of my existence, and the realisation of my own mad desire is that by the
+golden standard which I bear about me, I am doomed to try the metal of
+all other men, and find it false and hollow.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff shook his head, and said, 'You think so.'
+
+'Oh yes,' cried the old man, 'I think so! and in your telling me "I
+think so," I recognize the true unworldly ring of YOUR metal. I tell
+you, man,' he added, with increasing bitterness, 'that I have gone, a
+rich man, among people of all grades and kinds; relatives, friends, and
+strangers; among people in whom, when I was poor, I had confidence, and
+justly, for they never once deceived me then, or, to me, wronged each
+other. But I have never found one nature, no, not one, in which, being
+wealthy and alone, I was not forced to detect the latent corruption that
+lay hid within it waiting for such as I to bring it forth. Treachery,
+deceit, and low design; hatred of competitors, real or fancied, for my
+favour; meanness, falsehood, baseness, and servility; or,' and here
+he looked closely in his cousin's eyes, 'or an assumption of honest
+independence, almost worse than all; these are the beauties which my
+wealth has brought to light. Brother against brother, child against
+parent, friends treading on the faces of friends, this is the social
+company by whom my way has been attended. There are stories told--they
+may be true or false--of rich men who, in the garb of poverty, have
+found out virtue and rewarded it. They were dolts and idiots for their
+pains. They should have made the search in their own characters. They
+should have shown themselves fit objects to be robbed and preyed upon
+and plotted against and adulated by any knaves, who, but for joy, would
+have spat upon their coffins when they died their dupes; and then their
+search would have ended as mine has done, and they would be what I am.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff, not at all knowing what it might be best to say in the
+momentary pause which ensued upon these remarks, made an elaborate
+demonstration of intending to deliver something very oracular indeed;
+trusting to the certainty of the old man interrupting him, before he
+should utter a word. Nor was he mistaken, for Martin Chuzzlewit having
+taken breath, went on to say:
+
+'Hear me to an end; judge what profit you are like to gain from any
+repetition of this visit; and leave me. I have so corrupted and changed
+the nature of all those who have ever attended on me, by breeding
+avaricious plots and hopes within them; I have engendered such domestic
+strife and discord, by tarrying even with members of my own family; I
+have been such a lighted torch in peaceful homes, kindling up all the
+inflammable gases and vapours in their moral atmosphere, which, but for
+me, might have proved harmless to the end, that I have, I may say, fled
+from all who knew me, and taking refuge in secret places have lived, of
+late, the life of one who is hunted. The young girl whom you just now
+saw--what! your eye lightens when I talk of her! You hate her already,
+do you?'
+
+'Upon my word, sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand upon his breast,
+and dropping his eyelids.
+
+'I forgot,' cried the old man, looking at him with a keenness which the
+other seemed to feel, although he did not raise his eyes so as to see
+it. 'I ask your pardon. I forgot you were a stranger. For the moment
+you reminded me of one Pecksniff, a cousin of mine. As I was saying--the
+young girl whom you just now saw, is an orphan child, whom, with one
+steady purpose, I have bred and educated, or, if you prefer the word,
+adopted. For a year or more she has been my constant companion, and she
+is my only one. I have taken, as she knows, a solemn oath never to
+leave her sixpence when I die, but while I live I make her an annual
+allowance; not extravagant in its amount and yet not stinted. There is
+a compact between us that no term of affectionate cajolery shall ever be
+addressed by either to the other, but that she shall call me always by
+my Christian name; I her, by hers. She is bound to me in life by ties
+of interest, and losing by my death, and having no expectation
+disappointed, will mourn it, perhaps; though for that I care little.
+This is the only kind of friend I have or will have. Judge from such
+premises what a profitable hour you have spent in coming here, and leave
+me, to return no more.'
+
+With these words, the old man fell slowly back upon his pillow. Mr
+Pecksniff as slowly rose, and, with a prefatory hem, began as follows:
+
+'Mr Chuzzlewit.'
+
+'There. Go!' interposed the other. 'Enough of this. I am weary of you.'
+
+'I am sorry for that, sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'because I have a
+duty to discharge, from which, depend upon it, I shall not shrink. No,
+sir, I shall not shrink.'
+
+It is a lamentable fact, that as Mr Pecksniff stood erect beside the
+bed, in all the dignity of Goodness, and addressed him thus, the old man
+cast an angry glance towards the candlestick, as if he were possessed
+by a strong inclination to launch it at his cousin's head. But he
+constrained himself, and pointing with his finger to the door, informed
+him that his road lay there.
+
+'Thank you,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'I am aware of that. I am going.
+But before I go, I crave your leave to speak, and more than that, Mr
+Chuzzlewit, I must and will--yes indeed, I repeat it, must and will--be
+heard. I am not surprised, sir, at anything you have told me tonight.
+It is natural, very natural, and the greater part of it was known to
+me before. I will not say,' continued Mr Pecksniff, drawing out his
+pocket-handkerchief, and winking with both eyes at once, as it were,
+against his will, 'I will not say that you are mistaken in me. While
+you are in your present mood I would not say so for the world. I almost
+wish, indeed, that I had a different nature, that I might repress even
+this slight confession of weakness; which I cannot disguise from you;
+which I feel is humiliating; but which you will have the goodness to
+excuse. We will say, if you please,' added Mr Pecksniff, with great
+tenderness of manner, 'that it arises from a cold in the head, or is
+attributable to snuff, or smelling-salts, or onions, or anything but the
+real cause.'
+
+Here he paused for an instant, and concealed his face behind his
+pocket-handkerchief. Then, smiling faintly, and holding the bed
+furniture with one hand, he resumed:
+
+'But, Mr Chuzzlewit, while I am forgetful of myself, I owe it to myself,
+and to my character--aye, sir, and I HAVE a character which is very dear
+to me, and will be the best inheritance of my two daughters--to tell
+you, on behalf of another, that your conduct is wrong, unnatural,
+indefensible, monstrous. And I tell you, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+towering on tiptoe among the curtains, as if he were literally rising
+above all worldly considerations, and were fain to hold on tight, to
+keep himself from darting skyward like a rocket, 'I tell you without
+fear or favour, that it will not do for you to be unmindful of your
+grandson, young Martin, who has the strongest natural claim upon you.
+It will not do, sir,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head. 'You may
+think it will do, but it won't. You must provide for that young man;
+you shall provide for him; you WILL provide for him. I believe,' said Mr
+Pecksniff, glancing at the pen-and-ink, 'that in secret you have already
+done so. Bless you for doing so. Bless you for doing right, sir. Bless
+you for hating me. And good night!'
+
+So saying, Mr Pecksniff waved his right hand with much solemnity, and
+once more inserting it in his waistcoat, departed. There was emotion in
+his manner, but his step was firm. Subject to human weaknesses, he was
+upheld by conscience.
+
+Martin lay for some time, with an expression on his face of silent
+wonder, not unmixed with rage; at length he muttered in a whisper:
+
+'What does this mean? Can the false-hearted boy have chosen such a
+tool as yonder fellow who has just gone out? Why not! He has conspired
+against me, like the rest, and they are but birds of one feather. A new
+plot; a new plot! Oh self, self, self! At every turn nothing but self!'
+
+He fell to trifling, as he ceased to speak, with the ashes of the burnt
+paper in the candlestick. He did so, at first, in pure abstraction, but
+they presently became the subject of his thoughts.
+
+'Another will made and destroyed,' he said, 'nothing determined on,
+nothing done, and I might have died to-night! I plainly see to what foul
+uses all this money will be put at last,' he cried, almost writhing in
+the bed; 'after filling me with cares and miseries all my life, it will
+perpetuate discord and bad passions when I am dead. So it always is.
+What lawsuits grow out of the graves of rich men, every day; sowing
+perjury, hatred, and lies among near kindred, where there should be
+nothing but love! Heaven help us, we have much to answer for! Oh self,
+self, self! Every man for himself, and no creature for me!'
+
+Universal self! Was there nothing of its shadow in these reflections,
+and in the history of Martin Chuzzlewit, on his own showing?
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FOUR
+
+FROM WHICH IT WILL APPEAR THAT IF UNION BE STRENGTH, AND FAMILY
+AFFECTION BE PLEASANT TO CONTEMPLATE, THE CHUZZLEWITS WERE THE STRONGEST
+AND MOST AGREEABLE FAMILY IN THE WORLD
+
+
+That worthy man Mr Pecksniff having taken leave of his cousin in the
+solemn terms recited in the last chapter, withdrew to his own home, and
+remained there three whole days; not so much as going out for a walk
+beyond the boundaries of his own garden, lest he should be hastily
+summoned to the bedside of his penitent and remorseful relative,
+whom, in his ample benevolence, he had made up his mind to forgive
+unconditionally, and to love on any terms. But such was the obstinacy
+and such the bitter nature of that stern old man, that no repentant
+summons came; and the fourth day found Mr Pecksniff apparently much
+farther from his Christian object than the first.
+
+During the whole of this interval, he haunted the Dragon at all times
+and seasons in the day and night, and, returning good for evil evinced
+the deepest solicitude in the progress of the obdurate invalid, in so
+much that Mrs Lupin was fairly melted by his disinterested anxiety (for
+he often particularly required her to take notice that he would do the
+same by any stranger or pauper in the like condition), and shed many
+tears of admiration and delight.
+
+Meantime, old Martin Chuzzlewit remained shut up in his own chamber, and
+saw no person but his young companion, saving the hostess of the Blue
+Dragon, who was, at certain times, admitted to his presence. So surely
+as she came into the room, however, Martin feigned to fall asleep. It
+was only when he and the young lady were alone, that he would utter a
+word, even in answer to the simplest inquiry; though Mr Pecksniff
+could make out, by hard listening at the door, that they two being left
+together, he was talkative enough.
+
+It happened on the fourth evening, that Mr Pecksniff walking, as usual,
+into the bar of the Dragon and finding no Mrs Lupin there, went straight
+upstairs; purposing, in the fervour of his affectionate zeal, to apply
+his ear once more to the keyhole, and quiet his mind by assuring himself
+that the hard-hearted patient was going on well. It happened that Mr
+Pecksniff, coming softly upon the dark passage into which a spiral ray
+of light usually darted through the same keyhole, was astonished to find
+no such ray visible; and it happened that Mr Pecksniff, when he had felt
+his way to the chamber-door, stooping hurriedly down to ascertain by
+personal inspection whether the jealousy of the old man had caused this
+keyhole to be stopped on the inside, brought his head into such violent
+contact with another head that he could not help uttering in an audible
+voice the monosyllable 'Oh!' which was, as it were, sharply unscrewed
+and jerked out of him by very anguish. It happened then, and lastly,
+that Mr Pecksniff found himself immediately collared by something which
+smelt like several damp umbrellas, a barrel of beer, a cask of warm
+brandy-and-water, and a small parlour-full of stale tobacco smoke,
+mixed; and was straightway led downstairs into the bar from which he
+had lately come, where he found himself standing opposite to, and in
+the grasp of, a perfectly strange gentleman of still stranger appearance
+who, with his disengaged hand, rubbed his own head very hard, and looked
+at him, Pecksniff, with an evil countenance.
+
+The gentleman was of that order of appearance which is currently termed
+shabby-genteel, though in respect of his dress he can hardly be said to
+have been in any extremities, as his fingers were a long way out of his
+gloves, and the soles of his feet were at an inconvenient distance from
+the upper leather of his boots. His nether garments were of a
+bluish grey--violent in its colours once, but sobered now by age and
+dinginess--and were so stretched and strained in a tough conflict
+between his braces and his straps, that they appeared every moment in
+danger of flying asunder at the knees. His coat, in colour blue and of
+a military cut, was buttoned and frogged up to his chin. His cravat was,
+in hue and pattern, like one of those mantles which hairdressers are
+accustomed to wrap about their clients, during the progress of the
+professional mysteries. His hat had arrived at such a pass that it would
+have been hard to determine whether it was originally white or black.
+But he wore a moustache--a shaggy moustache too; nothing in the meek and
+merciful way, but quite in the fierce and scornful style; the regular
+Satanic sort of thing--and he wore, besides, a vast quantity of
+unbrushed hair. He was very dirty and very jaunty; very bold and very
+mean; very swaggering and very slinking; very much like a man who might
+have been something better, and unspeakably like a man who deserved to
+be something worse.
+
+'You were eaves-dropping at that door, you vagabond!' said this
+gentleman.
+
+Mr Pecksniff cast him off, as Saint George might have repudiated the
+Dragon in that animal's last moments, and said:
+
+'Where is Mrs Lupin, I wonder! can the good woman possibly be aware that
+there is a person here who--'
+
+'Stay!' said the gentleman. 'Wait a bit. She DOES know. What then?'
+
+'What then, sir?' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'What then? Do you know, sir,
+that I am the friend and relative of that sick gentleman? That I am his
+protector, his guardian, his--'
+
+'Not his niece's husband,' interposed the stranger, 'I'll be sworn; for
+he was there before you.'
+
+'What do you mean?' said Mr Pecksniff, with indignant surprise. 'What do
+you tell me, sir?'
+
+'Wait a bit!' cried the other, 'Perhaps you are a cousin--the cousin who
+lives in this place?'
+
+'I AM the cousin who lives in this place,' replied the man of worth.
+
+'Your name is Pecksniff?' said the gentleman.
+
+'It is.'
+
+'I am proud to know you, and I ask your pardon,' said the gentleman,
+touching his hat, and subsequently diving behind his cravat for a
+shirt-collar, which however he did not succeed in bringing to the
+surface. 'You behold in me, sir, one who has also an interest in that
+gentleman upstairs. Wait a bit.'
+
+As he said this, he touched the tip of his high nose, by way of
+intimation that he would let Mr Pecksniff into a secret presently; and
+pulling off his hat, began to search inside the crown among a mass of
+crumpled documents and small pieces of what may be called the bark of
+broken cigars; whence he presently selected the cover of an old letter,
+begrimed with dirt and redolent of tobacco.
+
+'Read that,' he cried, giving it to Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'This is addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire,' said that gentleman.
+
+'You know Chevy Slyme, Esquire, I believe?' returned the stranger.
+
+Mr Pecksniff shrugged his shoulders as though he would say 'I know there
+is such a person, and I am sorry for it.'
+
+'Very good,' remarked the gentleman. 'That is my interest and business
+here.' With that he made another dive for his shirt-collar and brought
+up a string.
+
+'Now, this is very distressing, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking
+his head and smiling composedly. 'It is very distressing to me, to be
+compelled to say that you are not the person you claim to be. I know Mr
+Slyme, my friend; this will not do; honesty is the best policy you had
+better not; you had indeed.'
+
+'Stop' cried the gentleman, stretching forth his right arm, which was
+so tightly wedged into his threadbare sleeve that it looked like a cloth
+sausage. 'Wait a bit!'
+
+He paused to establish himself immediately in front of the fire with his
+back towards it. Then gathering the skirts of his coat under his left
+arm, and smoothing his moustache with his right thumb and forefinger, he
+resumed:
+
+'I understand your mistake, and I am not offended. Why? Because it's
+complimentary. You suppose I would set myself up for Chevy Slyme.
+Sir, if there is a man on earth whom a gentleman would feel proud and
+honoured to be mistaken for, that man is my friend Slyme. For he is,
+without an exception, the highest-minded, the most independent-spirited,
+most original, spiritual, classical, talented, the most thoroughly
+Shakspearian, if not Miltonic, and at the same time the most
+disgustingly-unappreciated dog I know. But, sir, I have not the vanity
+to attempt to pass for Slyme. Any other man in the wide world, I am
+equal to; but Slyme is, I frankly confess, a great many cuts above me.
+Therefore you are wrong.'
+
+'I judged from this,' said Mr Pecksniff, holding out the cover of the
+letter.
+
+'No doubt you did,' returned the gentleman. 'But, Mr Pecksniff, the
+whole thing resolves itself into an instance of the peculiarities
+of genius. Every man of true genius has his peculiarity. Sir, the
+peculiarity of my friend Slyme is, that he is always waiting round the
+corner. He is perpetually round the corner, sir. He is round the corner
+at this instant. Now,' said the gentleman, shaking his forefinger before
+his nose, and planting his legs wider apart as he looked attentively in
+Mr Pecksniff's face, 'that is a remarkably curious and interesting trait
+in Mr Slyme's character; and whenever Slyme's life comes to be written,
+that trait must be thoroughly worked out by his biographer or society
+will not be satisfied. Observe me, society will not be satisfied!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff coughed.
+
+'Slyme's biographer, sir, whoever he may be,' resumed the gentleman,
+'must apply to me; or, if I am gone to that what's-his-name from which
+no thingumbob comes back, he must apply to my executors for leave to
+search among my papers. I have taken a few notes in my poor way, of some
+of that man's proceedings--my adopted brother, sir,--which would amaze
+you. He made use of an expression, sir, only on the fifteenth of last
+month when he couldn't meet a little bill and the other party wouldn't
+renew, which would have done honour to Napoleon Bonaparte in addressing
+the French army.'
+
+'And pray,' asked Mr Pecksniff, obviously not quite at his ease, 'what
+may be Mr Slyme's business here, if I may be permitted to inquire, who
+am compelled by a regard for my own character to disavow all interest in
+his proceedings?'
+
+'In the first place,' returned the gentleman, 'you will permit me to
+say, that I object to that remark, and that I strongly and indignantly
+protest against it on behalf of my friend Slyme. In the next place, you
+will give me leave to introduce myself. My name, sir, is Tigg. The name
+of Montague Tigg will perhaps be familiar to you, in connection with the
+most remarkable events of the Peninsular War?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff gently shook his head.
+
+'No matter,' said the gentleman. 'That man was my father, and I bear his
+name. I am consequently proud--proud as Lucifer. Excuse me one moment.
+I desire my friend Slyme to be present at the remainder of this
+conference.'
+
+With this announcement he hurried away to the outer door of the Blue
+Dragon, and almost immediately returned with a companion shorter than
+himself, who was wrapped in an old blue camlet cloak with a lining of
+faded scarlet. His sharp features being much pinched and nipped by long
+waiting in the cold, and his straggling red whiskers and frowzy hair
+being more than usually dishevelled from the same cause, he certainly
+looked rather unwholesome and uncomfortable than Shakspearian or
+Miltonic.
+
+'Now,' said Mr Tigg, clapping one hand on the shoulder of his
+prepossessing friend, and calling Mr Pecksniff's attention to him with
+the other, 'you two are related; and relations never did agree, and
+never will; which is a wise dispensation and an inevitable thing, or
+there would be none but family parties, and everybody in the world
+would bore everybody else to death. If you were on good terms, I should
+consider you a most confoundedly unnatural pair; but standing
+towards each other as you do, I took upon you as a couple of devilish
+deep-thoughted fellows, who may be reasoned with to any extent.'
+
+Here Mr Chevy Slyme, whose great abilities seemed one and all to point
+towards the sneaking quarter of the moral compass, nudged his friend
+stealthily with his elbow, and whispered in his ear.
+
+'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg aloud, in the high tone of one who was not to
+be tampered with. 'I shall come to that presently. I act upon my own
+responsibility, or not at all. To the extent of such a trifling loan
+as a crownpiece to a man of your talents, I look upon Mr Pecksniff
+as certain;' and seeing at this juncture that the expression of Mr
+Pecksniff's face by no means betokened that he shared this certainty, Mr
+Tigg laid his finger on his nose again for that gentleman's private
+and especial behoof; calling upon him thereby to take notice that the
+requisition of small loans was another instance of the peculiarities of
+genius as developed in his friend Slyme; that he, Tigg, winked at the
+same, because of the strong metaphysical interest which these weaknesses
+possessed; and that in reference to his own personal advocacy of such
+small advances, he merely consulted the humour of his friend, without
+the least regard to his own advantage or necessities.
+
+'Oh, Chiv, Chiv!' added Mr Tigg, surveying his adopted brother with an
+air of profound contemplation after dismissing this piece of pantomime.
+'You are, upon my life, a strange instance of the little frailties that
+beset a mighty mind. If there had never been a telescope in the world,
+I should have been quite certain from my observation of you, Chiv,
+that there were spots on the sun! I wish I may die, if this isn't the
+queerest state of existence that we find ourselves forced into without
+knowing why or wherefore, Mr Pecksniff! Well, never mind! Moralise as we
+will, the world goes on. As Hamlet says, Hercules may lay about him with
+his club in every possible direction, but he can't prevent the cats from
+making a most intolerable row on the roofs of the houses, or the
+dogs from being shot in the hot weather if they run about the streets
+unmuzzled. Life's a riddle; a most infernally hard riddle to guess, Mr
+Pecksniff. My own opinions, that like that celebrated conundrum, "Why's
+a man in jail like a man out of jail?" there's no answer to it. Upon my
+soul and body, it's the queerest sort of thing altogether--but there's
+no use in talking about it. Ha! Ha!'
+
+With which consolatory deduction from the gloomy premises recited,
+Mr Tigg roused himself by a great effort, and proceeded in his former
+strain.
+
+'Now I'll tell you what it is. I'm a most confoundedly soft-hearted
+kind of fellow in my way, and I cannot stand by, and see you two blades
+cutting each other's throats when there's nothing to be got by it. Mr
+Pecksniff, you're the cousin of the testator upstairs and we're the
+nephew--I say we, meaning Chiv. Perhaps in all essential points you are
+more nearly related to him than we are. Very good. If so, so be it. But
+you can't get at him, neither can we. I give you my brightest word of
+honour, sir, that I've been looking through that keyhole with short
+intervals of rest, ever since nine o'clock this morning, in expectation
+of receiving an answer to one of the most moderate and gentlemanly
+applications for a little temporary assistance--only fifteen pounds, and
+MY security--that the mind of man can conceive. In the meantime, sir, he
+is perpetually closeted with, and pouring his whole confidence into the
+bosom of, a stranger. Now I say decisively with regard to this state of
+circumstances, that it won't do; that it won't act; that it can't be;
+and that it must not be suffered to continue.'
+
+'Every man,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'has a right, an undoubted right, (which
+I, for one, would not call in question for any earthly consideration; oh
+no!) to regulate his own proceedings by his own likings and dislikings,
+supposing they are not immoral and not irreligious. I may feel in my
+own breast, that Mr Chuzzlewit does not regard--me, for instance; say
+me--with exactly that amount of Christian love which should subsist
+between us. I may feel grieved and hurt at the circumstance; still I
+may not rush to the conclusion that Mr Chuzzlewit is wholly without a
+justification in all his coldnesses. Heaven forbid! Besides; how, Mr
+Tigg,' continued Pecksniff even more gravely and impressively than he
+had spoken yet, 'how could Mr Chuzzlewit be prevented from having these
+peculiar and most extraordinary confidences of which you speak; the
+existence of which I must admit; and which I cannot but deplore--for
+his sake? Consider, my good sir--' and here Mr Pecksniff eyed him
+wistfully--'how very much at random you are talking.'
+
+'Why, as to that,' rejoined Tigg, 'it certainly is a difficult
+question.'
+
+'Undoubtedly it is a difficult question,' Mr Pecksniff answered. As he
+spoke he drew himself aloft, and seemed to grow more mindful, suddenly,
+of the moral gulf between himself and the creature he addressed.
+'Undoubtedly it is a very difficult question. And I am far from feeling
+sure that it is a question any one is authorized to discuss. Good
+evening to you.'
+
+'You don't know that the Spottletoes are here, I suppose?' said Mr Tigg.
+
+'What do you mean, sir? what Spottletoes?' asked Pecksniff, stopping
+abruptly on his way to the door.
+
+'Mr and Mrs Spottletoe,' said Chevy Slyme, Esquire, speaking aloud for
+the first time, and speaking very sulkily; shambling with his legs the
+while. 'Spottletoe married my father's brother's child, didn't he?
+And Mrs Spottletoe is Chuzzlewit's own niece, isn't she? She was his
+favourite once. You may well ask what Spottletoes.'
+
+'Now upon my sacred word!' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking upwards. 'This is
+dreadful. The rapacity of these people is absolutely frightful!'
+
+'It's not only the Spottletoes either, Tigg,' said Slyme, looking at
+that gentleman and speaking at Mr Pecksniff. 'Anthony Chuzzlewit and his
+son have got wind of it, and have come down this afternoon. I saw 'em
+not five minutes ago, when I was waiting round the corner.'
+
+'Oh, Mammon, Mammon!' cried Mr Pecksniff, smiting his forehead.
+
+'So there,' said Slyme, regardless of the interruption, 'are his brother
+and another nephew for you, already.'
+
+'This is the whole thing, sir,' said Mr Tigg; 'this is the point and
+purpose at which I was gradually arriving when my friend Slyme here,
+with six words, hit it full. Mr Pecksniff, now that your cousin (and
+Chiv's uncle) has turned up, some steps must be taken to prevent his
+disappearing again; and, if possible, to counteract the influence which
+is exercised over him now, by this designing favourite. Everybody who
+is interested feels it, sir. The whole family is pouring down to this
+place. The time has come when individual jealousies and interests must
+be forgotten for a time, sir, and union must be made against the
+common enemy. When the common enemy is routed, you will all set up for
+yourselves again; every lady and gentleman who has a part in the game,
+will go in on their own account and bowl away, to the best of their
+ability, at the testator's wicket, and nobody will be in a worse
+position than before. Think of it. Don't commit yourself now. You'll
+find us at the Half Moon and Seven Stars in this village, at any time,
+and open to any reasonable proposition. Hem! Chiv, my dear fellow, go
+out and see what sort of a night it is.'
+
+Mr Slyme lost no time in disappearing, and it is to be presumed in going
+round the corner. Mr Tigg, planting his legs as wide apart as he could
+be reasonably expected by the most sanguine man to keep them, shook his
+head at Mr Pecksniff and smiled.
+
+'We must not be too hard,' he said, 'upon the little eccentricities of
+our friend Slyme. You saw him whisper me?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had seen him.
+
+'You heard my answer, I think?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had heard it.
+
+'Five shillings, eh?' said Mr Tigg, thoughtfully. 'Ah! what an
+extraordinary fellow! Very moderate too!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff made no answer.
+
+'Five shillings!' pursued Mr Tigg, musing; 'and to be punctually repaid
+next week; that's the best of it. You heard that?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had not heard that.
+
+'No! You surprise me!' cried Tigg. 'That's the cream of the thing sir. I
+never knew that man fail to redeem a promise, in my life. You're not in
+want of change, are you?'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'thank you. Not at all.'
+
+'Just so,' returned Mr Tigg. 'If you had been, I'd have got it for you.'
+With that he began to whistle; but a dozen seconds had not elapsed when
+he stopped short, and looking earnestly at Mr Pecksniff, said:
+
+'Perhaps you'd rather not lend Slyme five shillings?'
+
+'I would much rather not,' Mr Pecksniff rejoined.
+
+'Egad!' cried Tigg, gravely nodding his head as if some ground of
+objection occurred to him at that moment for the first time, 'it's
+very possible you may be right. Would you entertain the same sort of
+objection to lending me five shillings now?'
+
+'Yes, I couldn't do it, indeed,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Not even half-a-crown, perhaps?' urged Mr Tigg.
+
+'Not even half-a-crown.'
+
+'Why, then we come,' said Mr Tigg, 'to the ridiculously small amount of
+eighteen pence. Ha! ha!'
+
+'And that,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'would be equally objectionable.'
+
+On receipt of this assurance, Mr Tigg shook him heartily by both hands,
+protesting with much earnestness, that he was one of the most consistent
+and remarkable men he had ever met, and that he desired the honour
+of his better acquaintance. He moreover observed that there were many
+little characteristics about his friend Slyme, of which he could by no
+means, as a man of strict honour, approve; but that he was prepared to
+forgive him all these slight drawbacks, and much more, in consideration
+of the great pleasure he himself had that day enjoyed in his social
+intercourse with Mr Pecksniff, which had given him a far higher and more
+enduring delight than the successful negotiation of any small loan on
+the part of his friend could possibly have imparted. With which remarks
+he would beg leave, he said, to wish Mr Pecksniff a very good evening.
+And so he took himself off; as little abashed by his recent failure as
+any gentleman would desire to be.
+
+The meditations of Mr Pecksniff that evening at the bar of the Dragon,
+and that night in his own house, were very serious and grave indeed; the
+more especially as the intelligence he had received from Messrs Tigg and
+Slyme touching the arrival of other members of the family, were fully
+confirmed on more particular inquiry. For the Spottletoes had actually
+gone straight to the Dragon, where they were at that moment housed and
+mounting guard, and where their appearance had occasioned such a vast
+sensation that Mrs Lupin, scenting their errand before they had been
+under her roof half an hour, carried the news herself with all possible
+secrecy straight to Mr Pecksniff's house; indeed it was her great
+caution in doing so which occasioned her to miss that gentleman, who
+entered at the front door of the Dragon just as she emerged from
+the back one. Moreover, Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Jonas were
+economically quartered at the Half Moon and Seven Stars, which was an
+obscure ale-house; and by the very next coach there came posting to the
+scene of action, so many other affectionate members of the family (who
+quarrelled with each other, inside and out, all the way down, to the
+utter distraction of the coachman), that in less than four-and-twenty
+hours the scanty tavern accommodation was at a premium, and all the
+private lodgings in the place, amounting to full four beds and sofa,
+rose cent per cent in the market.
+
+In a word, things came to that pass that nearly the whole family sat
+down before the Blue Dragon, and formally invested it; and Martin
+Chuzzlewit was in a state of siege. But he resisted bravely; refusing
+to receive all letters, messages, and parcels; obstinately declining to
+treat with anybody; and holding out no hope or promise of capitulation.
+Meantime the family forces were perpetually encountering each other
+in divers parts of the neighbourhood; and, as no one branch of the
+Chuzzlewit tree had ever been known to agree with another within the
+memory of man, there was such a skirmishing, and flouting, and snapping
+off of heads, in the metaphorical sense of that expression; such a
+bandying of words and calling of names; such an upturning of noses and
+wrinkling of brows; such a formal interment of good feelings and violent
+resurrection of ancient grievances; as had never been known in those
+quiet parts since the earliest record of their civilized existence.
+
+At length, in utter despair and hopelessness, some few of the
+belligerents began to speak to each other in only moderate terms of
+mutual aggravation; and nearly all addressed themselves with a show of
+tolerable decency to Mr Pecksniff, in recognition of his high character
+and influential position. Thus, by little and little, they made common
+cause of Martin Chuzzlewit's obduracy, until it was agreed (if such a
+word can be used in connection with the Chuzzlewits) that there should
+be a general council and conference held at Mr Pecksniff's house upon
+a certain day at noon; which all members of the family who had brought
+themselves within reach of the summons, were forthwith bidden and
+invited, solemnly, to attend.
+
+If ever Mr Pecksniff wore an apostolic look, he wore it on this
+memorable day. If ever his unruffled smile proclaimed the words, 'I am
+a messenger of peace!' that was its mission now. If ever man combined
+within himself all the mild qualities of the lamb with a considerable
+touch of the dove, and not a dash of the crocodile, or the least
+possible suggestion of the very mildest seasoning of the serpent, that
+man was he. And, oh, the two Miss Pecksniffs! Oh, the serene expression
+on the face of Charity, which seemed to say, 'I know that all my family
+have injured me beyond the possibility of reparation, but I forgive
+them, for it is my duty so to do!' And, oh, the gay simplicity of Mercy;
+so charming, innocent, and infant-like, that if she had gone out
+walking by herself, and it had been a little earlier in the season, the
+robin-redbreasts might have covered her with leaves against her will,
+believing her to be one of the sweet children in the wood, come out of
+it, and issuing forth once more to look for blackberries in the young
+freshness of her heart! What words can paint the Pecksniffs in that
+trying hour? Oh, none; for words have naughty company among them, and
+the Pecksniffs were all goodness.
+
+But when the company arrived! That was the time. When Mr Pecksniff,
+rising from his seat at the table's head, with a daughter on either
+hand, received his guests in the best parlour and motioned them to
+chairs, with eyes so overflowing and countenance so damp with gracious
+perspiration, that he may be said to have been in a kind of moist
+meekness! And the company; the jealous stony-hearted distrustful
+company, who were all shut up in themselves, and had no faith in
+anybody, and wouldn't believe anything, and would no more allow
+themselves to be softened or lulled asleep by the Pecksniffs than if
+they had been so many hedgehogs or porcupines!
+
+First, there was Mr Spottletoe, who was so bald and had such big
+whiskers, that he seemed to have stopped his hair, by the sudden
+application of some powerful remedy, in the very act of falling off his
+head, and to have fastened it irrevocably on his face. Then there was
+Mrs Spottletoe, who being much too slim for her years, and of a poetical
+constitution, was accustomed to inform her more intimate friends that
+the said whiskers were 'the lodestar of her existence;' and who could
+now, by reason of her strong affection for her uncle Chuzzlewit, and the
+shock it gave her to be suspected of testamentary designs upon him, do
+nothing but cry--except moan. Then there were Anthony Chuzzlewit, and
+his son Jonas; the face of the old man so sharpened by the wariness and
+cunning of his life, that it seemed to cut him a passage through the
+crowded room, as he edged away behind the remotest chairs; while the son
+had so well profited by the precept and example of the father, that he
+looked a year or two the elder of the twain, as they stood winking their
+red eyes, side by side, and whispering to each other softly. Then there
+was the widow of a deceased brother of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, who being
+almost supernaturally disagreeable, and having a dreary face and a bony
+figure and a masculine voice, was, in right of these qualities, what is
+commonly called a strong-minded woman; and who, if she could, would have
+established her claim to the title, and have shown herself, mentally
+speaking, a perfect Samson, by shutting up her brother-in-law in a
+private madhouse, until he proved his complete sanity by loving her very
+much. Beside her sat her spinster daughters, three in number, and of
+gentlemanly deportment, who had so mortified themselves with tight
+stays, that their tempers were reduced to something less than their
+waists, and sharp lacing was expressed in their very noses. Then there
+was a young gentleman, grandnephew of Mr Martin Chuzzlewit, very dark
+and very hairy, and apparently born for no particular purpose but to
+save looking-glasses the trouble of reflecting more than just the first
+idea and sketchy notion of a face, which had never been carried out.
+Then there was a solitary female cousin who was remarkable for nothing
+but being very deaf, and living by herself, and always having the
+toothache. Then there was George Chuzzlewit, a gay bachelor cousin,
+who claimed to be young but had been younger, and was inclined to
+corpulency, and rather overfed himself; to that extent, indeed, that his
+eyes were strained in their sockets, as if with constant surprise; and
+he had such an obvious disposition to pimples, that the bright spots on
+his cravat, the rich pattern on his waistcoat, and even his glittering
+trinkets, seemed to have broken out upon him, and not to have come into
+existence comfortably. Last of all there were present Mr Chevy Slyme and
+his friend Tigg. And it is worthy of remark, that although each person
+present disliked the other, mainly because he or she DID belong to the
+family, they one and all concurred in hating Mr Tigg because he didn't.
+
+Such was the pleasant little family circle now assembled in Mr
+Pecksniff's best parlour, agreeably prepared to fall foul of Mr
+Pecksniff or anybody else who might venture to say anything whatever
+upon any subject.
+
+'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, rising and looking round upon them with
+folded hands, 'does me good. It does my daughters good. We thank you for
+assembling here. We are grateful to you with our whole hearts. It is a
+blessed distinction that you have conferred upon us, and believe me'--it
+is impossible to conceive how he smiled here--'we shall not easily
+forget it.'
+
+'I am sorry to interrupt you, Pecksniff,' remarked Mr Spottletoe, with
+his whiskers in a very portentous state; 'but you are assuming too much
+to yourself, sir. Who do you imagine has it in contemplation to confer a
+distinction upon YOU, sir?'
+
+A general murmur echoed this inquiry, and applauded it.
+
+'If you are about to pursue the course with which you have begun, sir,'
+pursued Mr Spottletoe in a great heat, and giving a violent rap on
+the table with his knuckles, 'the sooner you desist, and this assembly
+separates, the better. I am no stranger, sir, to your preposterous
+desire to be regarded as the head of this family, but I can tell YOU,
+sir--'
+
+Oh yes, indeed! HE tell. HE! What? He was the head, was he? From the
+strong-minded woman downwards everybody fell, that instant, upon Mr
+Spottletoe, who after vainly attempting to be heard in silence was
+fain to sit down again, folding his arms and shaking his head most
+wrathfully, and giving Mrs Spottletoe to understand in dumb show, that
+that scoundrel Pecksniff might go on for the present, but he would cut
+in presently, and annihilate him.
+
+'I am not sorry,' said Mr Pecksniff in resumption of his address, 'I am
+really not sorry that this little incident has happened. It is good to
+feel that we are met here without disguise. It is good to know that we
+have no reserve before each other, but are appearing freely in our own
+characters.'
+
+Here, the eldest daughter of the strong-minded woman rose a little way
+from her seat, and trembling violently from head to foot, more as it
+seemed with passion than timidity, expressed a general hope that some
+people WOULD appear in their own characters, if it were only for such
+a proceeding having the attraction of novelty to recommend it; and that
+when they (meaning the some people before mentioned) talked about their
+relations, they would be careful to observe who was present in company
+at the time; otherwise it might come round to those relations' ears, in
+a way they little expected; and as to red noses (she observed) she
+had yet to learn that a red nose was any disgrace, inasmuch as people
+neither made nor coloured their own noses, but had that feature provided
+for them without being first consulted; though even upon that branch of
+the subject she had great doubts whether certain noses were redder than
+other noses, or indeed half as red as some. This remark being received
+with a shrill titter by the two sisters of the speaker, Miss Charity
+Pecksniff begged with much politeness to be informed whether any of
+those very low observations were levelled at her; and receiving no more
+explanatory answer than was conveyed in the adage 'Those the cap fits,
+let them wear it,' immediately commenced a somewhat acrimonious and
+personal retort, wherein she was much comforted and abetted by her
+sister Mercy, who laughed at the same with great heartiness; indeed
+far more naturally than life. And it being quite impossible that any
+difference of opinion can take place among women without every woman who
+is within hearing taking active part in it, the strong-minded lady and
+her two daughters, and Mrs Spottletoe, and the deaf cousin (who was
+not at all disqualified from joining in the dispute by reason of being
+perfectly unacquainted with its merits), one and all plunged into the
+quarrel directly.
+
+The two Miss Pecksniffs being a pretty good match for the three Miss
+Chuzzlewits, and all five young ladies having, in the figurative
+language of the day, a great amount of steam to dispose of, the
+altercation would no doubt have been a long one but for the high valour
+and prowess of the strong-minded woman, who, in right of her reputation
+for powers of sarcasm, did so belabour and pummel Mrs Spottletoe with
+taunting words that the poor lady, before the engagement was two minutes
+old, had no refuge but in tears. These she shed so plentifully, and so
+much to the agitation and grief of Mr Spottletoe, that that gentleman,
+after holding his clenched fist close to Mr Pecksniff's eyes, as if
+it were some natural curiosity from the near inspection whereof he was
+likely to derive high gratification and improvement, and after offering
+(for no particular reason that anybody could discover) to kick Mr George
+Chuzzlewit for, and in consideration of, the trifling sum of sixpence,
+took his wife under his arm and indignantly withdrew. This diversion, by
+distracting the attention of the combatants, put an end to the strife,
+which, after breaking out afresh some twice or thrice in certain
+inconsiderable spurts and dashes, died away in silence.
+
+It was then that Mr Pecksniff once more rose from his chair. It was then
+that the two Miss Pecksniffs composed themselves to look as if there
+were no such beings--not to say present, but in the whole compass of the
+world--as the three Miss Chuzzlewits; while the three Miss Chuzzlewits
+became equally unconscious of the existence of the two Miss Pecksniffs.
+
+'It is to be lamented,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a forgiving recollection
+of Mr Spottletoe's fist, 'that our friend should have withdrawn himself
+so very hastily, though we have cause for mutual congratulation even in
+that, since we are assured that he is not distrustful of us in regard
+to anything we may say or do while he is absent. Now, that is very
+soothing, is it not?'
+
+'Pecksniff,' said Anthony, who had been watching the whole party with
+peculiar keenness from the first--'don't you be a hypocrite.'
+
+'A what, my good sir?' demanded Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'A hypocrite.'
+
+'Charity, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'when I take my chamber
+candlestick to-night, remind me to be more than usually particular in
+praying for Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit; who has done me an injustice.'
+
+This was said in a very bland voice, and aside, as being addressed to
+his daughter's private ear. With a cheerfulness of conscience, prompting
+almost a sprightly demeanour, he then resumed:
+
+'All our thoughts centring in our very dear but unkind relative, and he
+being as it were beyond our reach, we are met to-day, really as if we
+were a funeral party, except--a blessed exception--that there is no body
+in the house.'
+
+The strong-minded lady was not at all sure that this was a blessed
+exception. Quite the contrary.
+
+'Well, my dear madam!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Be that as it may, here we
+are; and being here, we are to consider whether it is possible by any
+justifiable means--'
+
+'Why, you know as well as I,' said the strong-minded lady, 'that any
+means are justifiable in such a case, don't you?'
+
+'Very good, my dear madam, very good; whether it is possible by ANY
+means, we will say by ANY means, to open the eyes of our valued
+relative to his present infatuation. Whether it is possible to make
+him acquainted by any means with the real character and purpose of that
+young female whose strange, whose very strange position, in reference
+to himself'--here Mr Pecksniff sunk his voice to an impressive
+whisper--'really casts a shadow of disgrace and shame upon this family;
+and who, we know'--here he raised his voice again--'else why is she his
+companion? harbours the very basest designs upon his weakness and his
+property.'
+
+In their strong feeling on this point, they, who agreed in nothing else,
+all concurred as one mind. Good Heaven, that she should harbour designs
+upon his property! The strong-minded lady was for poison, her three
+daughters were for Bridewell and bread-and-water, the cousin with
+the toothache advocated Botany Bay, the two Miss Pecksniffs suggested
+flogging. Nobody but Mr Tigg, who, notwithstanding his extreme
+shabbiness, was still understood to be in some sort a lady's man,
+in right of his upper lip and his frogs, indicated a doubt of the
+justifiable nature of these measures; and he only ogled the three Miss
+Chuzzlewits with the least admixture of banter in his admiration, as
+though he would observe, 'You are positively down upon her to too great
+an extent, my sweet creatures, upon my soul you are!'
+
+'Now,' said Mr Pecksniff, crossing his two forefingers in a manner which
+was at once conciliatory and argumentative; 'I will not, upon the one
+hand, go so far as to say that she deserves all the inflictions which
+have been so very forcibly and hilariously suggested;' one of his
+ornamental sentences; 'nor will I, upon the other, on any account
+compromise my common understanding as a man, by making the assertion
+that she does not. What I would observe is, that I think some practical
+means might be devised of inducing our respected, shall I say our
+revered--?'
+
+'No!' interposed the strong-minded woman in a loud voice.
+
+'Then I will not,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You are quite right, my
+dear madam, and I appreciate and thank you for your discriminating
+objection--our respected relative, to dispose himself to listen to the
+promptings of nature, and not to the--'
+
+'Go on, Pa!' cried Mercy.
+
+'Why, the truth is, my dear,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling upon his
+assembled kindred, 'that I am at a loss for a word. The name of those
+fabulous animals (pagan, I regret to say) who used to sing in the water,
+has quite escaped me.'
+
+Mr George Chuzzlewit suggested 'swans.'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Not swans. Very like swans, too. Thank you.'
+
+The nephew with the outline of a countenance, speaking for the first and
+last time on that occasion, propounded 'Oysters.'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his own peculiar urbanity, 'nor oysters.
+But by no means unlike oysters; a very excellent idea; thank you, my
+dear sir, very much. Wait! Sirens. Dear me! sirens, of course. I think,
+I say, that means might be devised of disposing our respected relative
+to listen to the promptings of nature, and not to the siren-like
+delusions of art. Now we must not lose sight of the fact that our
+esteemed friend has a grandson, to whom he was, until lately, very much
+attached, and whom I could have wished to see here to-day, for I have a
+real and deep regard for him. A fine young man, a very fine young man!
+I would submit to you, whether we might not remove Mr Chuzzlewit's
+distrust of us, and vindicate our own disinterestedness by--'
+
+'If Mr George Chuzzlewit has anything to say to ME,' interposed the
+strong-minded woman, sternly, 'I beg him to speak out like a man; and
+not to look at me and my daughters as if he could eat us.'
+
+'As to looking, I have heard it said, Mrs Ned,' returned Mr George,
+angrily, 'that a cat is free to contemplate a monarch; and therefore
+I hope I have some right, having been born a member of this family, to
+look at a person who only came into it by marriage. As to eating, I
+beg to say, whatever bitterness your jealousies and disappointed
+expectations may suggest to you, that I am not a cannibal, ma'am.'
+
+'I don't know that!' cried the strong-minded woman.
+
+'At all events, if I was a cannibal,' said Mr George Chuzzlewit, greatly
+stimulated by this retort, 'I think it would occur to me that a lady
+who had outlived three husbands, and suffered so very little from their
+loss, must be most uncommonly tough.'
+
+The strong-minded woman immediately rose.
+
+'And I will further add,' said Mr George, nodding his head violently at
+every second syllable; 'naming no names, and therefore hurting nobody
+but those whose consciences tell them they are alluded to, that I think
+it would be much more decent and becoming, if those who hooked and
+crooked themselves into this family by getting on the blind side of some
+of its members before marriage, and manslaughtering them afterwards by
+crowing over them to that strong pitch that they were glad to die, would
+refrain from acting the part of vultures in regard to other members of
+this family who are living. I think it would be full as well, if not
+better, if those individuals would keep at home, contenting themselves
+with what they have got (luckily for them) already; instead of hovering
+about, and thrusting their fingers into, a family pie, which they
+flavour much more than enough, I can tell them, when they are fifty
+miles away.'
+
+'I might have been prepared for this!' cried the strong-minded woman,
+looking about her with a disdainful smile as she moved towards the door,
+followed by her three daughters. 'Indeed I was fully prepared for it
+from the first. What else could I expect in such an atmosphere as this!'
+
+'Don't direct your halfpay-officers' gaze at me, ma'am, if you please,'
+interposed Miss Charity; 'for I won't bear it.'
+
+This was a smart stab at a pension enjoyed by the strong-minded woman,
+during her second widowhood and before her last coverture. It told
+immensely.
+
+'I passed from the memory of a grateful country, you very miserable
+minx,' said Mrs Ned, 'when I entered this family; and I feel now, though
+I did not feel then, that it served me right, and that I lost my claim
+upon the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland when I so degraded
+myself. Now, my dears, if you're quite ready, and have sufficiently
+improved yourselves by taking to heart the genteel example of these two
+young ladies, I think we'll go. Mr Pecksniff, we are very much obliged
+to you, really. We came to be entertained, and you have far surpassed
+our utmost expectations, in the amusement you have provided for us.
+Thank you. Good-bye!'
+
+With such departing words, did this strong-minded female paralyse the
+Pecksniffian energies; and so she swept out of the room, and out of
+the house, attended by her daughters, who, as with one accord, elevated
+their three noses in the air, and joined in a contemptuous titter.
+As they passed the parlour window on the outside, they were seen to
+counterfeit a perfect transport of delight among themselves; and
+with this final blow and great discouragement for those within, they
+vanished.
+
+Before Mr Pecksniff or any of his remaining visitors could offer a
+remark, another figure passed this window, coming, at a great rate in
+the opposite direction; and immediately afterwards, Mr Spottletoe burst
+into the chamber. Compared with his present state of heat, he had gone
+out a man of snow or ice. His head distilled such oil upon his whiskers,
+that they were rich and clogged with unctuous drops; his face was
+violently inflamed, his limbs trembled; and he gasped and strove for
+breath.
+
+'My good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Oh yes!' returned the other; 'oh yes, certainly! Oh to be sure! Oh, of
+course! You hear him? You hear him? all of you!'
+
+'What's the matter?' cried several voices.
+
+'Oh nothing!' cried Spottletoe, still gasping. 'Nothing at all! It's of
+no consequence! Ask him! HE'll tell you!'
+
+'I do not understand our friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking about him
+in utter amazement. 'I assure you that he is quite unintelligible to
+me.'
+
+'Unintelligible, sir!' cried the other. 'Unintelligible! Do you mean
+to say, sir, that you don't know what has happened! That you haven't
+decoyed us here, and laid a plot and a plan against us! Will you venture
+to say that you didn't know Mr Chuzzlewit was going, sir, and that you
+don't know he's gone, sir?'
+
+'Gone!' was the general cry.
+
+'Gone,' echoed Mr Spottletoe. 'Gone while we were sitting here. Gone.
+Nobody knows where he's gone. Oh, of course not! Nobody knew he was
+going. Oh, of course not! The landlady thought up to the very last
+moment that they were merely going for a ride; she had no other
+suspicion. Oh, of course not! She's not this fellow's creature. Oh, of
+course not!'
+
+Adding to these exclamations a kind of ironical howl, and gazing upon
+the company for one brief instant afterwards, in a sudden silence, the
+irritated gentleman started off again at the same tremendous pace, and
+was seen no more.
+
+It was in vain for Mr Pecksniff to assure them that this new and
+opportune evasion of the family was at least as great a shock
+and surprise to him as to anybody else. Of all the bullyings and
+denunciations that were ever heaped on one unlucky head, none can
+ever have exceeded in energy and heartiness those with which he was
+complimented by each of his remaining relatives, singly, upon bidding
+him farewell.
+
+The moral position taken by Mr Tigg was something quite tremendous; and
+the deaf cousin, who had the complicated aggravation of seeing all the
+proceedings and hearing nothing but the catastrophe, actually scraped
+her shoes upon the scraper, and afterwards distributed impressions of
+them all over the top step, in token that she shook the dust from her
+feet before quitting that dissembling and perfidious mansion.
+
+Mr Pecksniff had, in short, but one comfort, and that was the knowledge
+that all these his relations and friends had hated him to the very
+utmost extent before; and that he, for his part, had not distributed
+among them any more love than, with his ample capital in that respect,
+he could comfortably afford to part with. This view of his affairs
+yielded him great consolation; and the fact deserves to be noted, as
+showing with what ease a good man may be consoled under circumstances of
+failure and disappointment.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIVE
+
+CONTAINING A FULL ACCOUNT OF THE INSTALLATION OF MR PECKSNIFF'S NEW
+PUPIL INTO THE BOSOM OF MR PECKSNIFF'S FAMILY. WITH ALL THE FESTIVITIES
+HELD ON THAT OCCASION, AND THE GREAT ENJOYMENT OF MR PINCH
+
+
+The best of architects and land surveyors kept a horse, in whom the
+enemies already mentioned more than once in these pages pretended to
+detect a fanciful resemblance to his master. Not in his outward
+person, for he was a raw-boned, haggard horse, always on a much shorter
+allowance of corn than Mr Pecksniff; but in his moral character,
+wherein, said they, he was full of promise, but of no performance.
+He was always in a manner, going to go, and never going. When at his
+slowest rate of travelling he would sometimes lift up his legs so high,
+and display such mighty action, that it was difficult to believe he was
+doing less than fourteen miles an hour; and he was for ever so
+perfectly satisfied with his own speed, and so little disconcerted by
+opportunities of comparing himself with the fastest trotters, that the
+illusion was the more difficult of resistance. He was a kind of animal
+who infused into the breasts of strangers a lively sense of hope, and
+possessed all those who knew him better with a grim despair. In what
+respect, having these points of character, he might be fairly likened
+to his master, that good man's slanderers only can explain. But it is a
+melancholy truth, and a deplorable instance of the uncharitableness of
+the world, that they made the comparison.
+
+In this horse, and the hooded vehicle, whatever its proper name might
+be, to which he was usually harnessed--it was more like a gig with a
+tumour than anything else--all Mr Pinch's thoughts and wishes centred,
+one bright frosty morning; for with this gallant equipage he was about
+to drive to Salisbury alone, there to meet with the new pupil, and
+thence to bring him home in triumph.
+
+Blessings on thy simple heart, Tom Pinch, how proudly dost thou button
+up that scanty coat, called by a sad misnomer, for these many years,
+a 'great' one; and how thoroughly, as with thy cheerful voice thou
+pleasantly adjurest Sam the hostler 'not to let him go yet,' dost thou
+believe that quadruped desires to go, and would go if he might! Who
+could repress a smile--of love for thee, Tom Pinch, and not in jest at
+thy expense, for thou art poor enough already, Heaven knows--to think
+that such a holiday as lies before thee should awaken that quick flow
+and hurry of the spirits, in which thou settest down again, almost
+untasted, on the kitchen window-sill, that great white mug (put by, by
+thy own hands, last night, that breakfast might not hold thee late), and
+layest yonder crust upon the seat beside thee, to be eaten on the road,
+when thou art calmer in thy high rejoicing! Who, as thou drivest off, a
+happy, man, and noddest with a grateful lovingness to Pecksniff in his
+nightcap at his chamber-window, would not cry, 'Heaven speed thee, Tom,
+and send that thou wert going off for ever to some quiet home where thou
+mightst live at peace, and sorrow should not touch thee!'
+
+What better time for driving, riding, walking, moving through the air by
+any means, than a fresh, frosty morning, when hope runs cheerily through
+the veins with the brisk blood, and tingles in the frame from head to
+foot! This was the glad commencement of a bracing day in early winter,
+such as may put the languid summer season (speaking of it when it can't
+be had) to the blush, and shame the spring for being sometimes cold by
+halves. The sheep-bells rang as clearly in the vigorous air, as if they
+felt its wholesome influence like living creatures; the trees, in lieu
+of leaves or blossoms, shed upon the ground a frosty rime that sparkled
+as it fell, and might have been the dust of diamonds. So it was to Tom.
+From cottage chimneys, smoke went streaming up high, high, as if the
+earth had lost its grossness, being so fair, and must not be oppressed
+by heavy vapour. The crust of ice on the else rippling brook was so
+transparent, and so thin in texture, that the lively water might of its
+own free will have stopped--in Tom's glad mind it had--to look upon the
+lovely morning. And lest the sun should break this charm too eagerly,
+there moved between him and the ground, a mist like that which waits
+upon the moon on summer nights--the very same to Tom--and wooed him to
+dissolve it gently.
+
+Tom Pinch went on; not fast, but with a sense of rapid motion, which did
+just as well; and as he went, all kinds of things occurred to keep him
+happy. Thus when he came within sight of the turnpike, and was--oh a
+long way off!--he saw the tollman's wife, who had that moment checked a
+waggon, run back into the little house again like mad, to say (she knew)
+that Mr Pinch was coming up. And she was right, for when he drew within
+hail of the gate, forth rushed the tollman's children, shrieking in tiny
+chorus, 'Mr Pinch!' to Tom's intense delight. The very tollman, though
+an ugly chap in general, and one whom folks were rather shy of handling,
+came out himself to take the toll, and give him rough good morning; and
+that with all this, and a glimpse of the family breakfast on a little
+round table before the fire, the crust Tom Pinch had brought away with
+him acquired as rich a flavour as though it had been cut from a fairy
+loaf.
+
+But there was more than this. It was not only the married people and the
+children who gave Tom Pinch a welcome as he passed. No, no. Sparkling
+eyes and snowy breasts came hurriedly to many an upper casement as he
+clattered by, and gave him back his greeting: not stinted either, but
+sevenfold, good measure. They were all merry. They all laughed. And some
+of the wickedest among them even kissed their hands as Tom looked back.
+For who minded poor Mr Pinch? There was no harm in HIM.
+
+And now the morning grew so fair, and all things were so wide awake and
+gay, that the sun seeming to say--Tom had no doubt he said--'I can't
+stand it any longer; I must have a look,' streamed out in radiant
+majesty. The mist, too shy and gentle for such lusty company, fled off,
+quite scared, before it; and as it swept away, the hills and mounds and
+distant pasture lands, teeming with placid sheep and noisy crows, came
+out as bright as though they were unrolled bran new for the occasion. In
+compliment to which discovery, the brook stood still no longer, but ran
+briskly off to bear the tidings to the water-mill, three miles away.
+
+Mr Pinch was jogging along, full of pleasant thoughts and cheerful
+influences, when he saw, upon the path before him, going in the same
+direction with himself, a traveller on foot, who walked with a light
+quick step, and sang as he went--for certain in a very loud voice, but
+not unmusically. He was a young fellow, of some five or six-and-twenty
+perhaps, and was dressed in such a free and fly-away fashion, that the
+long ends of his loose red neckcloth were streaming out behind him
+quite as often as before; and the bunch of bright winter berries in the
+buttonhole of his velveteen coat was as visible to Mr Pinch's rearward
+observation, as if he had worn that garment wrong side foremost. He
+continued to sing with so much energy, that he did not hear the sound
+of wheels until it was close behind him; when he turned a whimsical
+face and a very merry pair of blue eyes on Mr Pinch, and checked himself
+directly.
+
+'Why, Mark?' said Tom Pinch, stopping. 'Who'd have thought of seeing you
+here? Well! this is surprising!'
+
+Mark touched his hat, and said, with a very sudden decrease of vivacity,
+that he was going to Salisbury.
+
+'And how spruce you are, too!' said Mr Pinch, surveying him with great
+pleasure. 'Really, I didn't think you were half such a tight-made
+fellow, Mark!'
+
+'Thankee, Mr Pinch. Pretty well for that, I believe. It's not my fault,
+you know. With regard to being spruce, sir, that's where it is, you
+see.' And here he looked particularly gloomy.
+
+'Where what is?' Mr Pinch demanded.
+
+'Where the aggravation of it is. Any man may be in good spirits and good
+temper when he's well dressed. There an't much credit in that. If I was
+very ragged and very jolly, then I should begin to feel I had gained a
+point, Mr Pinch.'
+
+'So you were singing just now, to bear up, as it were, against being
+well dressed, eh, Mark?' said Pinch.
+
+'Your conversation's always equal to print, sir,' rejoined Mark, with a
+broad grin. 'That was it.'
+
+'Well!' cried Pinch, 'you are the strangest young man, Mark, I ever knew
+in my life. I always thought so; but now I am quite certain of it. I am
+going to Salisbury, too. Will you get in? I shall be very glad of your
+company.'
+
+The young fellow made his acknowledgments and accepted the offer;
+stepping into the carriage directly, and seating himself on the very
+edge of the seat with his body half out of it, to express his being
+there on sufferance, and by the politeness of Mr Pinch. As they went
+along, the conversation proceeded after this manner.
+
+'I more than half believed, just now, seeing you so very smart,' said
+Pinch, 'that you must be going to be married, Mark.'
+
+'Well, sir, I've thought of that, too,' he replied. 'There might be some
+credit in being jolly with a wife, 'specially if the children had the
+measles and that, and was very fractious indeed. But I'm a'most afraid
+to try it. I don't see my way clear.'
+
+'You're not very fond of anybody, perhaps?' said Pinch.
+
+'Not particular, sir, I think.'
+
+'But the way would be, you know, Mark, according to your views of
+things,' said Mr Pinch, 'to marry somebody you didn't like, and who was
+very disagreeable.'
+
+'So it would, sir; but that might be carrying out a principle a little
+too far, mightn't it?'
+
+'Perhaps it might,' said Mr Pinch. At which they both laughed gayly.
+
+'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'you don't half know me, though. I
+don't believe there ever was a man as could come out so strong under
+circumstances that would make other men miserable, as I could, if I
+could only get a chance. But I can't get a chance. It's my opinion
+that nobody never will know half of what's in me, unless something very
+unexpected turns up. And I don't see any prospect of that. I'm a-going
+to leave the Dragon, sir.'
+
+'Going to leave the Dragon!' cried Mr Pinch, looking at him with great
+astonishment. 'Why, Mark, you take my breath away!'
+
+'Yes, sir,' he rejoined, looking straight before him and a long way off,
+as men do sometimes when they cogitate profoundly. 'What's the use of my
+stopping at the Dragon? It an't at all the sort of place for ME. When
+I left London (I'm a Kentish man by birth, though), and took that
+situation here, I quite made up my mind that it was the dullest little
+out-of-the-way corner in England, and that there would be some credit in
+being jolly under such circumstances. But, Lord, there's no dullness at
+the Dragon! Skittles, cricket, quoits, nine-pins, comic songs, choruses,
+company round the chimney corner every winter's evening. Any man could
+be jolly at the Dragon. There's no credit in THAT.'
+
+'But if common report be true for once, Mark, as I think it is, being
+able to confirm it by what I know myself,' said Mr Pinch, 'you are the
+cause of half this merriment, and set it going.'
+
+'There may be something in that, too, sir,' answered Mark. 'But that's
+no consolation.'
+
+'Well!' said Mr Pinch, after a short silence, his usually subdued tone
+being even now more subdued than ever. 'I can hardly think enough of
+what you tell me. Why, what will become of Mrs Lupin, Mark?'
+
+Mark looked more fixedly before him, and further off still, as he
+answered that he didn't suppose it would be much of an object to her.
+There were plenty of smart young fellows as would be glad of the place.
+He knew a dozen himself.
+
+'That's probable enough,' said Mr Pinch, 'but I am not at all sure that
+Mrs Lupin would be glad of them. Why, I always supposed that Mrs Lupin
+and you would make a match of it, Mark; and so did every one, as far as
+I know.'
+
+'I never,' Mark replied, in some confusion, 'said nothing as was in a
+direct way courting-like to her, nor she to me, but I don't know what I
+mightn't do one of these odd times, and what she mightn't say in answer.
+Well, sir, THAT wouldn't suit.'
+
+'Not to be landlord of the Dragon, Mark?' cried Mr Pinch.
+
+'No, sir, certainly not,' returned the other, withdrawing his gaze from
+the horizon, and looking at his fellow-traveller. 'Why that would be the
+ruin of a man like me. I go and sit down comfortably for life, and no
+man never finds me out. What would be the credit of the landlord of the
+Dragon's being jolly? Why, he couldn't help it, if he tried.'
+
+'Does Mrs Lupin know you are going to leave her?' Mr Pinch inquired.
+
+'I haven't broke it to her yet, sir, but I must. I'm looking out this
+morning for something new and suitable,' he said, nodding towards the
+city.
+
+'What kind of thing now?' Mr Pinch demanded.
+
+'I was thinking,' Mark replied, 'of something in the grave-digging.
+way.'
+
+'Good gracious, Mark?' cried Mr Pinch.
+
+'It's a good damp, wormy sort of business, sir,' said Mark, shaking his
+head argumentatively, 'and there might be some credit in being jolly,
+with one's mind in that pursuit, unless grave-diggers is usually given
+that way; which would be a drawback. You don't happen to know how that
+is in general, do you, sir?'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pinch, 'I don't indeed. I never thought upon the subject.'
+
+'In case of that not turning out as well as one could wish, you know,'
+said Mark, musing again, 'there's other businesses. Undertaking now.
+That's gloomy. There might be credit to be gained there. A broker's man
+in a poor neighbourhood wouldn't be bad perhaps. A jailor sees a deal of
+misery. A doctor's man is in the very midst of murder. A bailiff's an't
+a lively office nat'rally. Even a tax-gatherer must find his feelings
+rather worked upon, at times. There's lots of trades in which I should
+have an opportunity, I think.'
+
+Mr Pinch was so perfectly overwhelmed by these remarks that he could
+do nothing but occasionally exchange a word or two on some indifferent
+subject, and cast sidelong glances at the bright face of his odd friend
+(who seemed quite unconscious of his observation), until they reached a
+certain corner of the road, close upon the outskirts of the city, when
+Mark said he would jump down there, if he pleased.
+
+'But bless my soul, Mark,' said Mr Pinch, who in the progress of
+his observation just then made the discovery that the bosom of his
+companion's shirt was as much exposed as if it was Midsummer, and was
+ruffled by every breath of air, 'why don't you wear a waistcoat?'
+
+'What's the good of one, sir?' asked Mark.
+
+'Good of one?' said Mr Pinch. 'Why, to keep your chest warm.'
+
+'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mark, 'you don't know me. My chest don't
+want no warming. Even if it did, what would no waistcoat bring it to?
+Inflammation of the lungs, perhaps? Well, there'd be some credit in
+being jolly, with a inflammation of the lungs.'
+
+As Mr Pinch returned no other answer than such as was conveyed in his
+breathing very hard, and opening his eyes very wide, and nodding his
+head very much, Mark thanked him for his ride, and without troubling
+him to stop, jumped lightly down. And away he fluttered, with his red
+neckerchief, and his open coat, down a cross-lane; turning back from
+time to time to nod to Mr Pinch, and looking one of the most careless,
+good-humoured comical fellows in life. His late companion, with a
+thoughtful face pursued his way to Salisbury.
+
+Mr Pinch had a shrewd notion that Salisbury was a very desperate sort of
+place; an exceeding wild and dissipated city; and when he had put up the
+horse, and given the hostler to understand that he would look in again
+in the course of an hour or two to see him take his corn, he set forth
+on a stroll about the streets with a vague and not unpleasant idea that
+they teemed with all kinds of mystery and bedevilment. To one of
+his quiet habits this little delusion was greatly assisted by the
+circumstance of its being market-day, and the thoroughfares about the
+market-place being filled with carts, horses, donkeys, baskets, waggons,
+garden-stuff, meat, tripe, pies, poultry and huckster's wares of every
+opposite description and possible variety of character. Then there were
+young farmers and old farmers with smock-frocks, brown great-coats, drab
+great-coats, red worsted comforters, leather-leggings, wonderful shaped
+hats, hunting-whips, and rough sticks, standing about in groups, or
+talking noisily together on the tavern steps, or paying and receiving
+huge amounts of greasy wealth, with the assistance of such bulky
+pocket-books that when they were in their pockets it was apoplexy to
+get them out, and when they were out it was spasms to get them in again.
+Also there were farmers' wives in beaver bonnets and red cloaks, riding
+shaggy horses purged of all earthly passions, who went soberly into all
+manner of places without desiring to know why, and who, if required,
+would have stood stock still in a china shop, with a complete
+dinner-service at each hoof. Also a great many dogs, who were strongly
+interested in the state of the market and the bargains of their masters;
+and a great confusion of tongues, both brute and human.
+
+Mr Pinch regarded everything exposed for sale with great delight, and
+was particularly struck by the itinerant cutlery, which he considered
+of the very keenest kind, insomuch that he purchased a pocket knife with
+seven blades in it, and not a cut (as he afterwards found out) among
+them. When he had exhausted the market-place, and watched the farmers
+safe into the market dinner, he went back to look after the horse.
+Having seen him eat unto his heart's content he issued forth again,
+to wander round the town and regale himself with the shop windows;
+previously taking a long stare at the bank, and wondering in what
+direction underground the caverns might be where they kept the money;
+and turning to look back at one or two young men who passed him, whom
+he knew to be articled to solicitors in the town; and who had a sort of
+fearful interest in his eyes, as jolly dogs who knew a thing or two, and
+kept it up tremendously.
+
+But the shops. First of all there were the jewellers' shops, with all
+the treasures of the earth displayed therein, and such large silver
+watches hanging up in every pane of glass, that if they were anything
+but first-rate goers it certainly was not because the works could
+decently complain of want of room. In good sooth they were big enough,
+and perhaps, as the saying is, ugly enough, to be the most correct of
+all mechanical performers; in Mr Pinch's eyes, however they were smaller
+than Geneva ware; and when he saw one very bloated watch announced as a
+repeater, gifted with the uncommon power of striking every quarter of an
+hour inside the pocket of its happy owner, he almost wished that he were
+rich enough to buy it.
+
+But what were even gold and silver, precious stones and clockwork, to
+the bookshops, whence a pleasant smell of paper freshly pressed came
+issuing forth, awakening instant recollections of some new grammar had
+at school, long time ago, with 'Master Pinch, Grove House Academy,'
+inscribed in faultless writing on the fly-leaf! That whiff of russia
+leather, too, and all those rows on rows of volumes neatly ranged
+within--what happiness did they suggest! And in the window were
+the spick-and-span new works from London, with the title-pages, and
+sometimes even the first page of the first chapter, laid wide open;
+tempting unwary men to begin to read the book, and then, in the
+impossibility of turning over, to rush blindly in, and buy it! Here too
+were the dainty frontispiece and trim vignette, pointing like handposts
+on the outskirts of great cities, to the rich stock of incident beyond;
+and store of books, with many a grave portrait and time-honoured name,
+whose matter he knew well, and would have given mines to have, in any
+form, upon the narrow shell beside his bed at Mr Pecksniff's. What a
+heart-breaking shop it was!
+
+There was another; not quite so bad at first, but still a trying shop;
+where children's books were sold, and where poor Robinson Crusoe
+stood alone in his might, with dog and hatchet, goat-skin cap and
+fowling-pieces; calmly surveying Philip Quarn and the host of imitators
+round him, and calling Mr Pinch to witness that he, of all the crowd,
+impressed one solitary footprint on the shore of boyish memory, whereof
+the tread of generations should not stir the lightest grain of sand.
+And there too were the Persian tales, with flying chests and students of
+enchanted books shut up for years in caverns; and there too was Abudah,
+the merchant, with the terrible little old woman hobbling out of the box
+in his bedroom; and there the mighty talisman, the rare Arabian Nights,
+with Cassim Baba, divided by four, like the ghost of a dreadful sum,
+hanging up, all gory, in the robbers' cave. Which matchless wonders,
+coming fast on Mr Pinch's mind, did so rub up and chafe that wonderful
+lamp within him, that when he turned his face towards the busy street,
+a crowd of phantoms waited on his pleasure, and he lived again, with new
+delight, the happy days before the Pecksniff era.
+
+He had less interest now in the chemists' shops, with their great
+glowing bottles (with smaller repositories of brightness in their very
+stoppers); and in their agreeable compromises between medicine and
+perfumery, in the shape of toothsome lozenges and virgin honey. Neither
+had he the least regard (but he never had much) for the tailors', where
+the newest metropolitan waistcoat patterns were hanging up, which by
+some strange transformation always looked amazing there, and never
+appeared at all like the same thing anywhere else. But he stopped to
+read the playbill at the theatre and surveyed the doorway with a kind
+of awe, which was not diminished when a sallow gentleman with long dark
+hair came out, and told a boy to run home to his lodgings and bring down
+his broadsword. Mr Pinch stood rooted to the spot on hearing this, and
+might have stood there until dark, but that the old cathedral bell began
+to ring for vesper service, on which he tore himself away.
+
+Now, the organist's assistant was a friend of Mr Pinch's, which was a
+good thing, for he too was a very quiet gentle soul, and had been, like
+Tom, a kind of old-fashioned boy at school, though well liked by the
+noisy fellow too. As good luck would have it (Tom always said he had
+great good luck) the assistant chanced that very afternoon to be on duty
+by himself, with no one in the dusty organ loft but Tom; so while he
+played, Tom helped him with the stops; and finally, the service being
+just over, Tom took the organ himself. It was then turning dark, and the
+yellow light that streamed in through the ancient windows in the choir
+was mingled with a murky red. As the grand tones resounded through
+the church, they seemed, to Tom, to find an echo in the depth of every
+ancient tomb, no less than in the deep mystery of his own heart. Great
+thoughts and hopes came crowding on his mind as the rich music rolled
+upon the air and yet among them--something more grave and solemn in
+their purpose, but the same--were all the images of that day, down to
+its very lightest recollection of childhood. The feeling that the sounds
+awakened, in the moment of their existence, seemed to include his whole
+life and being; and as the surrounding realities of stone and wood
+and glass grew dimmer in the darkness, these visions grew so much the
+brighter that Tom might have forgotten the new pupil and the expectant
+master, and have sat there pouring out his grateful heart till midnight,
+but for a very earthy old verger insisting on locking up the cathedral
+forthwith. So he took leave of his friend, with many thanks, groped his
+way out, as well as he could, into the now lamp-lighted streets, and
+hurried off to get his dinner.
+
+All the farmers being by this time jogging homewards, there was nobody
+in the sanded parlour of the tavern where he had left the horse; so he
+had his little table drawn out close before the fire, and fell to
+work upon a well-cooked steak and smoking hot potatoes, with a strong
+appreciation of their excellence, and a very keen sense of enjoyment.
+Beside him, too, there stood a jug of most stupendous Wiltshire beer;
+and the effect of the whole was so transcendent, that he was obliged
+every now and then to lay down his knife and fork, rub his hands, and
+think about it. By the time the cheese and celery came, Mr Pinch had
+taken a book out of his pocket, and could afford to trifle with the
+viands; now eating a little, now drinking a little, now reading a
+little, and now stopping to wonder what sort of a young man the new
+pupil would turn out to be. He had passed from this latter theme and was
+deep in his book again, when the door opened, and another guest came in,
+bringing with him such a quantity of cold air, that he positively seemed
+at first to put the fire out.
+
+'Very hard frost to-night, sir,' said the newcomer, courteously
+acknowledging Mr Pinch's withdrawal of the little table, that he might
+have place: 'Don't disturb yourself, I beg.'
+
+Though he said this with a vast amount of consideration for Mr Pinch's
+comfort, he dragged one of the great leather-bottomed chairs to the
+very centre of the hearth, notwithstanding; and sat down in front of the
+fire, with a foot on each hob.
+
+'My feet are quite numbed. Ah! Bitter cold to be sure.'
+
+'You have been in the air some considerable time, I dare say?' said Mr
+Pinch.
+
+'All day. Outside a coach, too.'
+
+'That accounts for his making the room so cool,' thought Mr Pinch. 'Poor
+fellow! How thoroughly chilled he must be!'
+
+The stranger became thoughtful likewise, and sat for five or ten minutes
+looking at the fire in silence. At length he rose and divested himself
+of his shawl and great-coat, which (far different from Mr Pinch's) was
+a very warm and thick one; but he was not a whit more conversational out
+of his great-coat than in it, for he sat down again in the same place
+and attitude, and leaning back in his chair, began to bite his nails. He
+was young--one-and-twenty, perhaps--and handsome; with a keen dark eye,
+and a quickness of look and manner which made Tom sensible of a great
+contrast in his own bearing, and caused him to feel even more shy than
+usual.
+
+There was a clock in the room, which the stranger often turned to
+look at. Tom made frequent reference to it also; partly from a nervous
+sympathy with its taciturn companion; and partly because the new pupil
+was to inquire for him at half after six, and the hands were getting
+on towards that hour. Whenever the stranger caught him looking at this
+clock, a kind of confusion came upon Tom as if he had been found out in
+something; and it was a perception of his uneasiness which caused the
+younger man to say, perhaps, with a smile:
+
+'We both appear to be rather particular about the time. The fact is, I
+have an engagement to meet a gentleman here.'
+
+'So have I,' said Mr Pinch.
+
+'At half-past six,' said the stranger.
+
+'At half-past six,' said Tom in the very same breath; whereupon the
+other looked at him with some surprise.
+
+'The young gentleman, I expect,' remarked Tom, timidly, 'was to inquire
+at that time for a person by the name of Pinch.'
+
+'Dear me!' cried the other, jumping up. 'And I have been keeping the
+fire from you all this while! I had no idea you were Mr Pinch. I am the
+Mr Martin for whom you were to inquire. Pray excuse me. How do you do?
+Oh, do draw nearer, pray!'
+
+'Thank you,' said Tom, 'thank you. I am not at all cold, and you are;
+and we have a cold ride before us. Well, if you wish it, I will. I--I am
+very glad,' said Tom, smiling with an embarrassed frankness peculiarly
+his, and which was as plainly a confession of his own imperfections, and
+an appeal to the kindness of the person he addressed, as if he had drawn
+one up in simple language and committed it to paper: 'I am very glad
+indeed that you turn out to be the party I expected. I was thinking, but
+a minute ago, that I could wish him to be like you.'
+
+'I am very glad to hear it,' returned Martin, shaking hands with him
+again; 'for I assure you, I was thinking there could be no such luck as
+Mr Pinch's turning out like you.'
+
+'No, really!' said Tom, with great pleasure. 'Are you serious?'
+
+'Upon my word I am,' replied his new acquaintance. 'You and I will get
+on excellently well, I know; which it's no small relief to me to feel,
+for to tell you the truth, I am not at all the sort of fellow who could
+get on with everybody, and that's the point on which I had the greatest
+doubts. But they're quite relieved now.--Do me the favour to ring the
+bell, will you?'
+
+Mr Pinch rose, and complied with great alacrity--the handle hung just
+over Martin's head, as he warmed himself--and listened with a smiling
+face to what his friend went on to say. It was:
+
+'If you like punch, you'll allow me to order a glass apiece, as hot
+as it can be made, that we may usher in our friendship in a becoming
+manner. To let you into a secret, Mr Pinch, I never was so much in want
+of something warm and cheering in my life; but I didn't like to run the
+chance of being found drinking it, without knowing what kind of person
+you were; for first impressions, you know, often go a long way, and last
+a long time.'
+
+Mr Pinch assented, and the punch was ordered. In due course it came; hot
+and strong. After drinking to each other in the steaming mixture, they
+became quite confidential.
+
+'I'm a sort of relation of Pecksniff's, you know,' said the young man.
+
+'Indeed!' cried Mr Pinch.
+
+'Yes. My grandfather is his cousin, so he's kith and kin to me, somehow,
+if you can make that out. I can't.'
+
+'Then Martin is your Christian name?' said Mr Pinch, thoughtfully. 'Oh!'
+
+'Of course it is,' returned his friend: 'I wish it was my surname for
+my own is not a very pretty one, and it takes a long time to sign
+Chuzzlewit is my name.'
+
+'Dear me!' cried Mr Pinch, with an involuntary start.
+
+'You're not surprised at my having two names, I suppose?' returned the
+other, setting his glass to his lips. 'Most people have.'
+
+'Oh, no,' said Mr Pinch, 'not at all. Oh dear no! Well!' And then
+remembering that Mr Pecksniff had privately cautioned him to say nothing
+in reference to the old gentleman of the same name who had lodged at
+the Dragon, but to reserve all mention of that person for him, he had
+no better means of hiding his confusion than by raising his own glass
+to his mouth. They looked at each other out of their respective tumblers
+for a few seconds, and then put them down empty.
+
+'I told them in the stable to be ready for us ten minutes ago,' said Mr
+Pinch, glancing at the clock again. 'Shall we go?'
+
+'If you please,' returned the other.
+
+'Would you like to drive?' said Mr Pinch; his whole face beaming with a
+consciousness of the splendour of his offer. 'You shall, if you wish.'
+
+'Why, that depends, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, laughing, 'upon what sort
+of a horse you have. Because if he's a bad one, I would rather keep my
+hands warm by holding them comfortably in my greatcoat pockets.'
+
+He appeared to think this such a good joke, that Mr Pinch was quite sure
+it must be a capital one. Accordingly, he laughed too, and was fully
+persuaded that he enjoyed it very much. Then he settled his bill, and Mr
+Chuzzlewit paid for the punch; and having wrapped themselves up, to the
+extent of their respective means, they went out together to the front
+door, where Mr Pecksniff's property stopped the way.
+
+'I won't drive, thank you, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, getting into the
+sitter's place. 'By the bye, there's a box of mine. Can we manage to
+take it?'
+
+'Oh, certainly,' said Tom. 'Put it in, Dick, anywhere!'
+
+It was not precisely of that convenient size which would admit of its
+being squeezed into any odd corner, but Dick the hostler got it in
+somehow, and Mr Chuzzlewit helped him. It was all on Mr Pinch's side,
+and Mr Chuzzlewit said he was very much afraid it would encumber him; to
+which Tom said, 'Not at all;' though it forced him into such an awkward
+position, that he had much ado to see anything but his own knees. But it
+is an ill wind that blows nobody any good; and the wisdom of the saying
+was verified in this instance; for the cold air came from Mr Pinch's
+side of the carriage, and by interposing a perfect wall of box and
+man between it and the new pupil, he shielded that young gentleman
+effectually; which was a great comfort.
+
+It was a clear evening, with a bright moon. The whole landscape was
+silvered by its light and by the hoar-frost; and everything looked
+exquisitely beautiful. At first, the great serenity and peace through
+which they travelled, disposed them both to silence; but in a very short
+time the punch within them and the healthful air without, made them
+loquacious, and they talked incessantly. When they were halfway home,
+and stopped to give the horse some water, Martin (who was very generous
+with his money) ordered another glass of punch, which they drank between
+them, and which had not the effect of making them less conversational
+than before. Their principal topic of discourse was naturally Mr
+Pecksniff and his family; of whom, and of the great obligations they had
+heaped upon him, Tom Pinch, with the tears standing in his eyes, drew
+such a picture as would have inclined any one of common feeling
+almost to revere them; and of which Mr Pecksniff had not the slightest
+foresight or preconceived idea, or he certainly (being very humble)
+would not have sent Tom Pinch to bring the pupil home.
+
+In this way they went on, and on, and on--in the language of the
+story-books--until at last the village lights appeared before them, and
+the church spire cast a long reflection on the graveyard grass; as if
+it were a dial (alas, the truest in the world!) marking, whatever light
+shone out of Heaven, the flight of days and weeks and years, by some new
+shadow on that solemn ground.
+
+'A pretty church!' said Martin, observing that his companion slackened
+the slack pace of the horse, as they approached.
+
+'Is it not?' cried Tom, with great pride. 'There's the sweetest little
+organ there you ever heard. I play it for them.'
+
+'Indeed?' said Martin. 'It is hardly worth the trouble, I should think.
+What do you get for that, now?'
+
+'Nothing,' answered Tom.
+
+'Well,' returned his friend, 'you ARE a very strange fellow!'
+
+To which remark there succeeded a brief silence.
+
+'When I say nothing,' observed Mr Pinch, cheerfully, 'I am wrong, and
+don't say what I mean, because I get a great deal of pleasure from it,
+and the means of passing some of the happiest hours I know. It led to
+something else the other day; but you will not care to hear about that I
+dare say?'
+
+'Oh yes I shall. What?'
+
+'It led to my seeing,' said Tom, in a lower voice, 'one of the loveliest
+and most beautiful faces you can possibly picture to yourself.'
+
+'And yet I am able to picture a beautiful one,' said his friend,
+thoughtfully, 'or should be, if I have any memory.'
+
+'She came' said Tom, laying his hand upon the other's arm, 'for the
+first time very early in the morning, when it was hardly light; and when
+I saw her, over my shoulder, standing just within the porch, I turned
+quite cold, almost believing her to be a spirit. A moment's reflection
+got the better of that, of course, and fortunately it came to my relief
+so soon, that I didn't leave off playing.'
+
+'Why fortunately?'
+
+'Why? Because she stood there, listening. I had my spectacles on, and
+saw her through the chinks in the curtains as plainly as I see you; and
+she was beautiful. After a while she glided off, and I continued to play
+until she was out of hearing.'
+
+'Why did you do that?'
+
+'Don't you see?' responded Tom. 'Because she might suppose I hadn't seen
+her; and might return.'
+
+'And did she?'
+
+'Certainly she did. Next morning, and next evening too; but always when
+there were no people about, and always alone. I rose earlier and sat
+there later, that when she came, she might find the church door open,
+and the organ playing, and might not be disappointed. She strolled that
+way for some days, and always stayed to listen. But she is gone now,
+and of all unlikely things in this wide world, it is perhaps the most
+improbable that I shall ever look upon her face again.'
+
+'You don't know anything more about her?'
+
+'No.'
+
+'And you never followed her when she went away?'
+
+'Why should I distress her by doing that?' said Tom Pinch. 'Is it likely
+that she wanted my company? She came to hear the organ, not to see me;
+and would you have had me scare her from a place she seemed to grow
+quite fond of? Now, Heaven bless her!' cried Tom, 'to have given her but
+a minute's pleasure every day, I would have gone on playing the organ
+at those times until I was an old man; quite contented if she sometimes
+thought of a poor fellow like me, as a part of the music; and more than
+recompensed if she ever mixed me up with anything she liked as well as
+she liked that!'
+
+The new pupil was clearly very much amazed by Mr Pinch's weakness, and
+would probably have told him so, and given him some good advice, but
+for their opportune arrival at Mr Pecksniff's door; the front door this
+time, on account of the occasion being one of ceremony and rejoicing.
+The same man was in waiting for the horse who had been adjured by Mr
+Pinch in the morning not to yield to his rabid desire to start;
+and after delivering the animal into his charge, and beseeching Mr
+Chuzzlewit in a whisper never to reveal a syllable of what he had just
+told him in the fullness of his heart, Tom led the pupil in, for instant
+presentation.
+
+Mr Pecksniff had clearly not expected them for hours to come; for he was
+surrounded by open books, and was glancing from volume to volume, with a
+black lead-pencil in his mouth, and a pair of compasses in his hand,
+at a vast number of mathematical diagrams, of such extraordinary shapes
+that they looked like designs for fireworks. Neither had Miss Charity
+expected them, for she was busied, with a capacious wicker basket before
+her, in making impracticable nightcaps for the poor. Neither had Miss
+Mercy expected them, for she was sitting upon her stool, tying on
+the--oh good gracious!--the petticoat of a large doll that she was
+dressing for a neighbour's child--really, quite a grown-up doll, which
+made it more confusing--and had its little bonnet dangling by the ribbon
+from one of her fair curls, to which she had fastened it lest it should
+be lost or sat upon. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to
+conceive a family so thoroughly taken by surprise as the Pecksniffs
+were, on this occasion.
+
+Bless my life!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up, and gradually exchanging
+his abstracted face for one of joyful recognition. 'Here already!
+Martin, my dear boy, I am delighted to welcome you to my poor house!'
+
+With this kind greeting, Mr Pecksniff fairly took him to his arms, and
+patted him several times upon the back with his right hand the while,
+as if to express that his feelings during the embrace were too much for
+utterance.
+
+'But here,' he said, recovering, 'are my daughters, Martin; my two only
+children, whom (if you ever saw them) you have not beheld--ah, these sad
+family divisions!--since you were infants together. Nay, my dears, why
+blush at being detected in your everyday pursuits? We had prepared
+to give you the reception of a visitor, Martin, in our little room of
+state,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling, 'but I like this better, I like this
+better!'
+
+Oh blessed star of Innocence, wherever you may be, how did you glitter
+in your home of ether, when the two Miss Pecksniffs put forth each her
+lily hand, and gave the same, with mantling cheeks, to Martin! How did
+you twinkle, as if fluttering with sympathy, when Mercy, reminded of
+the bonnet in her hair, hid her fair face and turned her head aside; the
+while her gentle sister plucked it out, and smote her with a sister's
+soft reproof, upon her buxom shoulder!
+
+'And how,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning round after the contemplation of
+these passages, and taking Mr Pinch in a friendly manner by the elbow,
+'how has our friend used you, Martin?'
+
+'Very well indeed, sir. We are on the best terms, I assure you.'
+
+'Old Tom Pinch!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking on him with affectionate
+sadness. 'Ah! It seems but yesterday that Thomas was a boy fresh from
+a scholastic course. Yet years have passed, I think, since Thomas Pinch
+and I first walked the world together!'
+
+Mr Pinch could say nothing. He was too much moved. But he pressed his
+master's hand, and tried to thank him.
+
+'And Thomas Pinch and I,' said Mr Pecksniff, in a deeper voice, 'will
+walk it yet, in mutual faithfulness and friendship! And if it comes to
+pass that either of us be run over in any of those busy crossings which
+divide the streets of life, the other will convey him to the hospital in
+Hope, and sit beside his bed in Bounty!'
+
+'Well, well, well!' he added in a happier tone, as he shook Mr Pinch's
+elbow hard. 'No more of this! Martin, my dear friend, that you may be at
+home within these walls, let me show you how we live, and where. Come!'
+
+With that he took up a lighted candle, and, attended by his young
+relative, prepared to leave the room. At the door, he stopped.
+
+'You'll bear us company, Tom Pinch?'
+
+Aye, cheerfully, though it had been to death, would Tom have followed
+him; glad to lay down his life for such a man!
+
+'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, opening the door of an opposite parlour, 'is
+the little room of state, I mentioned to you. My girls have pride in it,
+Martin! This,' opening another door, 'is the little chamber in which my
+works (slight things at best) have been concocted. Portrait of myself
+by Spiller. Bust by Spoker. The latter is considered a good likeness.
+I seem to recognize something about the left-hand corner of the nose,
+myself.'
+
+Martin thought it was very like, but scarcely intellectual enough. Mr
+Pecksniff observed that the same fault had been found with it before. It
+was remarkable it should have struck his young relation too. He was glad
+to see he had an eye for art.
+
+'Various books you observe,' said Mr Pecksniff, waving his hand towards
+the wall, 'connected with our pursuit. I have scribbled myself, but
+have not yet published. Be careful how you come upstairs. This,' opening
+another door, 'is my chamber. I read here when the family suppose I have
+retired to rest. Sometimes I injure my health rather more than I can
+quite justify to myself, by doing so; but art is long and time is short.
+Every facility you see for jotting down crude notions, even here.'
+
+These latter words were explained by his pointing to a small round table
+on which were a lamp, divers sheets of paper, a piece of India rubber,
+and a case of instruments; all put ready, in case an architectural idea
+should come into Mr Pecksniff's head in the night; in which event he
+would instantly leap out of bed, and fix it for ever.
+
+Mr Pecksniff opened another door on the same floor, and shut it again,
+all at once, as if it were a Blue Chamber. But before he had well done
+so, he looked smilingly round, and said, 'Why not?'
+
+Martin couldn't say why not, because he didn't know anything at all
+about it. So Mr Pecksniff answered himself, by throwing open the door,
+and saying:
+
+'My daughters' room. A poor first-floor to us, but a bower to them. Very
+neat. Very airy. Plants you observe; hyacinths; books again; birds.'
+These birds, by the bye, comprised, in all, one staggering old sparrow
+without a tail, which had been borrowed expressly from the kitchen.
+'Such trifles as girls love are here. Nothing more. Those who seek
+heartless splendour, would seek here in vain.'
+
+With that he led them to the floor above.
+
+'This,' said Mr Pecksniff, throwing wide the door of the memorable
+two-pair front; 'is a room where some talent has been developed I
+believe. This is a room in which an idea for a steeple occurred to me
+that I may one day give to the world. We work here, my dear Martin. Some
+architects have been bred in this room; a few, I think, Mr Pinch?'
+
+Tom fully assented; and, what is more, fully believed it.
+
+'You see,' said Mr Pecksniff, passing the candle rapidly from roll to
+roll of paper, 'some traces of our doings here. Salisbury Cathedral
+from the north. From the south. From the east. From the west. From the
+south-east. From the nor'west. A bridge. An almshouse. A jail. A
+church. A powder-magazine. A wine-cellar. A portico. A summer-house. An
+ice-house. Plans, elevations, sections, every kind of thing. And this,'
+he added, having by this time reached another large chamber on the same
+story, with four little beds in it, 'this is your room, of which Mr
+Pinch here is the quiet sharer. A southern aspect; a charming prospect;
+Mr Pinch's little library, you perceive; everything agreeable and
+appropriate. If there is any additional comfort you would desire to have
+here at anytime, pray mention it. Even to strangers, far less to you, my
+dear Martin, there is no restriction on that point.'
+
+It was undoubtedly true, and may be stated in corroboration of Mr
+Pecksniff, that any pupil had the most liberal permission to mention
+anything in this way that suggested itself to his fancy. Some young
+gentlemen had gone on mentioning the very same thing for five years
+without ever being stopped.
+
+'The domestic assistants,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sleep above; and that
+is all.' After which, and listening complacently as he went, to the
+encomiums passed by his young friend on the arrangements generally, he
+led the way to the parlour again.
+
+Here a great change had taken place; for festive preparations on
+a rather extensive scale were already completed, and the two Miss
+Pecksniffs were awaiting their return with hospitable looks. There were
+two bottles of currant wine, white and red; a dish of sandwiches (very
+long and very slim); another of apples; another of captain's biscuits
+(which are always a moist and jovial sort of viand); a plate of oranges
+cut up small and gritty; with powdered sugar, and a highly geological
+home-made cake. The magnitude of these preparations quite took away Tom
+Pinch's breath; for though the new pupils were usually let down softly,
+as one may say, particularly in the wine department, which had so many
+stages of declension, that sometimes a young gentleman was a whole
+fortnight in getting to the pump; still this was a banquet; a sort of
+Lord Mayor's feast in private life; a something to think of, and hold on
+by, afterwards.
+
+To this entertainment, which apart from its own intrinsic merits, had
+the additional choice quality, that it was in strict keeping with the
+night, being both light and cool, Mr Pecksniff besought the company to
+do full justice.
+
+'Martin,' he said, 'will seat himself between you two, my dears, and
+Mr Pinch will come by me. Let us drink to our new inmate, and may we be
+happy together! Martin, my dear friend, my love to you! Mr Pinch, if you
+spare the bottle we shall quarrel.'
+
+And trying (in his regard for the feelings of the rest) to look as if
+the wine were not acid and didn't make him wink, Mr Pecksniff did honour
+to his own toast.
+
+'This,' he said, in allusion to the party, not the wine, 'is a mingling
+that repays one for much disappointment and vexation. Let us be merry.'
+Here he took a captain's biscuit. 'It is a poor heart that never
+rejoices; and our hearts are not poor. No!'
+
+With such stimulants to merriment did he beguile the time, and do the
+honours of the table; while Mr Pinch, perhaps to assure himself that
+what he saw and heard was holiday reality, and not a charming dream, ate
+of everything, and in particular disposed of the slim sandwiches to a
+surprising extent. Nor was he stinted in his draughts of wine; but on
+the contrary, remembering Mr Pecksniff's speech, attacked the bottle
+with such vigour, that every time he filled his glass anew, Miss
+Charity, despite her amiable resolves, could not repress a fixed and
+stony glare, as if her eyes had rested on a ghost. Mr Pecksniff also
+became thoughtful at those moments, not to say dejected; but as he
+knew the vintage, it is very likely he may have been speculating on the
+probable condition of Mr Pinch upon the morrow, and discussing within
+himself the best remedies for colic.
+
+Martin and the young ladies were excellent friends already, and compared
+recollections of their childish days, to their mutual liveliness and
+entertainment. Miss Mercy laughed immensely at everything that was said;
+and sometimes, after glancing at the happy face of Mr Pinch, was
+seized with such fits of mirth as brought her to the very confines of
+hysterics. But for these bursts of gaiety, her sister, in her better
+sense, reproved her; observing, in an angry whisper, that it was far
+from being a theme for jest; and that she had no patience with the
+creature; though it generally ended in her laughing too--but much more
+moderately--and saying that indeed it was a little too ridiculous and
+intolerable to be serious about.
+
+At length it became high time to remember the first clause of that great
+discovery made by the ancient philosopher, for securing health, riches,
+and wisdom; the infallibility of which has been for generations verified
+by the enormous fortunes constantly amassed by chimney-sweepers and
+other persons who get up early and go to bed betimes. The young ladies
+accordingly rose, and having taken leave of Mr Chuzzlewit with much
+sweetness, and of their father with much duty and of Mr Pinch with
+much condescension, retired to their bower. Mr Pecksniff insisted on
+accompanying his young friend upstairs for personal superintendence of
+his comforts; and taking him by the arm, conducted him once more to his
+bedroom, followed by Mr Pinch, who bore the light.
+
+'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, seating himself with folded arms on one of
+the spare beds. 'I don't see any snuffers in that candlestick. Will you
+oblige me by going down, and asking for a pair?'
+
+Mr Pinch, only too happy to be useful, went off directly.
+
+'You will excuse Thomas Pinch's want of polish, Martin,' said Mr
+Pecksniff, with a smile of patronage and pity, as soon as he had left
+the room. 'He means well.'
+
+'He is a very good fellow, sir.'
+
+'Oh, yes,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Yes. Thomas Pinch means well. He is very
+grateful. I have never regretted having befriended Thomas Pinch.'
+
+'I should think you never would, sir.'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No. I hope not. Poor fellow, he is always
+disposed to do his best; but he is not gifted. You will make him useful
+to you, Martin, if you please. If Thomas has a fault, it is that he is
+sometimes a little apt to forget his position. But that is soon checked.
+Worthy soul! You will find him easy to manage. Good night!'
+
+'Good night, sir.'
+
+By this time Mr Pinch had returned with the snuffers.
+
+'And good night to YOU, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'And sound sleep to
+you both. Bless you! Bless you!'
+
+Invoking this benediction on the heads of his young friends with great
+fervour, he withdrew to his own room; while they, being tired, soon fell
+asleep. If Martin dreamed at all, some clue to the matter of his visions
+may possibly be gathered from the after-pages of this history. Those
+of Thomas Pinch were all of holidays, church organs, and seraphic
+Pecksniffs. It was some time before Mr Pecksniff dreamed at all, or even
+sought his pillow, as he sat for full two hours before the fire in his
+own chamber, looking at the coals and thinking deeply. But he, too,
+slept and dreamed at last. Thus in the quiet hours of the night, one
+house shuts in as many incoherent and incongruous fancies as a madman's
+head.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SIX
+
+COMPRISES, AMONG OTHER IMPORTANT MATTERS, PECKSNIFFIAN AND
+ARCHITECTURAL, AND EXACT RELATION OF THE PROGRESS MADE BY MR PINCH IN
+THE CONFIDENCE AND FRIENDSHIP OF THE NEW PUPIL
+
+
+It was morning; and the beautiful Aurora, of whom so much hath been
+written, said, and sung, did, with her rosy fingers, nip and tweak Miss
+Pecksniff's nose. It was the frolicsome custom of the Goddess, in her
+intercourse with the fair Cherry, so to do; or in more prosaic phrase,
+the tip of that feature in the sweet girl's countenance was always
+very red at breakfast-time. For the most part, indeed, it wore, at that
+season of the day, a scraped and frosty look, as if it had been rasped;
+while a similar phenomenon developed itself in her humour, which was
+then observed to be of a sharp and acid quality, as though an extra
+lemon (figuratively speaking) had been squeezed into the nectar of her
+disposition, and had rather damaged its flavour.
+
+This additional pungency on the part of the fair young creature led, on
+ordinary occasions, to such slight consequences as the copious dilution
+of Mr Pinch's tea, or to his coming off uncommonly short in respect
+of butter, or to other the like results. But on the morning after the
+Installation Banquet, she suffered him to wander to and fro among the
+eatables and drinkables, a perfectly free and unchecked man; so utterly
+to Mr Pinch's wonder and confusion, that like the wretched captive who
+recovered his liberty in his old age, he could make but little use of
+his enlargement, and fell into a strange kind of flutter for want of
+some kind hand to scrape his bread, and cut him off in the article of
+sugar with a lump, and pay him those other little attentions to which
+he was accustomed. There was something almost awful, too, about the
+self-possession of the new pupil; who 'troubled' Mr Pecksniff for the
+loaf, and helped himself to a rasher of that gentleman's own particular
+and private bacon, with all the coolness in life. He even seemed to
+think that he was doing quite a regular thing, and to expect that Mr
+Pinch would follow his example, since he took occasion to observe of
+that young man 'that he didn't get on'; a speech of so tremendous a
+character, that Tom cast down his eyes involuntarily, and felt as if
+he himself had committed some horrible deed and heinous breach of Mr
+Pecksniff's confidence. Indeed, the agony of having such an indiscreet
+remark addressed to him before the assembled family, was breakfast
+enough in itself, and would, without any other matter of reflection,
+have settled Mr Pinch's business and quenched his appetite, for one
+meal, though he had been never so hungry.
+
+The young ladies, however, and Mr Pecksniff likewise, remained in
+the very best of spirits in spite of these severe trials, though with
+something of a mysterious understanding among themselves. When the meal
+was nearly over, Mr Pecksniff smilingly explained the cause of their
+common satisfaction.
+
+'It is not often,' he said, 'Martin, that my daughters and I desert our
+quiet home to pursue the giddy round of pleasures that revolves abroad.
+But we think of doing so to-day.'
+
+'Indeed, sir!' cried the new pupil.
+
+'Yes,' said Mr Pecksniff, tapping his left hand with a letter which
+he held in his right. 'I have a summons here to repair to London;
+on professional business, my dear Martin; strictly on professional
+business; and I promised my girls, long ago, that whenever that happened
+again, they should accompany me. We shall go forth to-night by the
+heavy coach--like the dove of old, my dear Martin--and it will be a week
+before we again deposit our olive-branches in the passage. When I say
+olive-branches,' observed Mr Pecksniff, in explanation, 'I mean, our
+unpretending luggage.'
+
+'I hope the young ladies will enjoy their trip,' said Martin.
+
+'Oh! that I'm sure we shall!' cried Mercy, clapping her hands. 'Good
+gracious, Cherry, my darling, the idea of London!'
+
+'Ardent child!' said Mr Pecksniff, gazing on her in a dreamy way. 'And
+yet there is a melancholy sweetness in these youthful hopes! It is
+pleasant to know that they never can be realised. I remember thinking
+once myself, in the days of my childhood, that pickled onions grew on
+trees, and that every elephant was born with an impregnable castle on
+his back. I have not found the fact to be so; far from it; and yet those
+visions have comforted me under circumstances of trial. Even when I have
+had the anguish of discovering that I have nourished in my breast on
+ostrich, and not a human pupil--even in that hour of agony, they have
+soothed me.'
+
+At this dread allusion to John Westlock, Mr Pinch precipitately choked
+in his tea; for he had that very morning received a letter from him, as
+Mr Pecksniff very well knew.
+
+'You will take care, my dear Martin,' said Mr Pecksniff, resuming his
+former cheerfulness, 'that the house does not run away in our absence.
+We leave you in charge of everything. There is no mystery; all is free
+and open. Unlike the young man in the Eastern tale--who is described as
+a one-eyed almanac, if I am not mistaken, Mr Pinch?--'
+
+'A one-eyed calender, I think, sir,' faltered Tom.
+
+'They are pretty nearly the same thing, I believe,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+smiling compassionately; 'or they used to be in my time. Unlike that
+young man, my dear Martin, you are forbidden to enter no corner of this
+house; but are requested to make yourself perfectly at home in every
+part of it. You will be jovial, my dear Martin, and will kill the fatted
+calf if you please!'
+
+There was not the least objection, doubtless, to the young man's
+slaughtering and appropriating to his own use any calf, fat or lean,
+that he might happen to find upon the premises; but as no such animal
+chanced at that time to be grazing on Mr Pecksniff's estate, this
+request must be considered rather as a polite compliment that
+a substantial hospitality. It was the finishing ornament of the
+conversation; for when he had delivered it, Mr Pecksniff rose and led
+the way to that hotbed of architectural genius, the two-pair front.
+
+'Let me see,' he said, searching among the papers, 'how you can best
+employ yourself, Martin, while I am absent. Suppose you were to give
+me your idea of a monument to a Lord Mayor of London; or a tomb for a
+sheriff; or your notion of a cow-house to be erected in a nobleman's
+park. Do you know, now,' said Mr Pecksniff, folding his hands, and
+looking at his young relation with an air of pensive interest, 'that I
+should very much like to see your notion of a cow-house?'
+
+But Martin by no means appeared to relish this suggestion.
+
+'A pump,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is very chaste practice. I have found that
+a lamp post is calculated to refine the mind and give it a classical
+tendency. An ornamental turnpike has a remarkable effect upon the
+imagination. What do you say to beginning with an ornamental turnpike?'
+
+'Whatever Mr Pecksniff pleased,' said Martin, doubtfully.
+
+'Stay,' said that gentleman. 'Come! as you're ambitious, and are a very
+neat draughtsman, you shall--ha ha!--you shall try your hand on these
+proposals for a grammar-school; regulating your plan, of course, by the
+printed particulars. Upon my word, now,' said Mr Pecksniff, merrily, 'I
+shall be very curious to see what you make of the grammar-school.
+Who knows but a young man of your taste might hit upon something,
+impracticable and unlikely in itself, but which I could put into shape?
+For it really is, my dear Martin, it really is in the finishing touches
+alone, that great experience and long study in these matters tell. Ha,
+ha, ha! Now it really will be,' continued Mr Pecksniff, clapping his
+young friend on the back in his droll humour, 'an amusement to me, to
+see what you make of the grammar-school.'
+
+Martin readily undertook this task, and Mr Pecksniff forthwith proceeded
+to entrust him with the materials necessary for its execution; dwelling
+meanwhile on the magical effect of a few finishing touches from the hand
+of a master; which, indeed, as some people said (and these were the
+old enemies again!) was unquestionably very surprising, and almost
+miraculous; as there were cases on record in which the masterly
+introduction of an additional back window, or a kitchen door, or
+half-a-dozen steps, or even a water spout, had made the design of a
+pupil Mr Pecksniff's own work, and had brought substantial rewards into
+that gentleman's pocket. But such is the magic of genius, which changes
+all it handles into gold!
+
+'When your mind requires to be refreshed by change of occupation,' said
+Mr Pecksniff, 'Thomas Pinch will instruct you in the art of surveying
+the back garden, or in ascertaining the dead level of the road between
+this house and the finger-post, or in any other practical and pleasing
+pursuit. There are a cart-load of loose bricks, and a score or two of
+old flower-pots, in the back yard. If you could pile them up my dear
+Martin, into any form which would remind me on my return say of St.
+Peter's at Rome, or the Mosque of St. Sophia at Constantinople, it would
+be at once improving to you and agreeable to my feelings. And now,' said
+Mr Pecksniff, in conclusion, 'to drop, for the present, our professional
+relations and advert to private matters, I shall be glad to talk with
+you in my own room, while I pack up my portmanteau.'
+
+Martin attended him; and they remained in secret conference together for
+an hour or more; leaving Tom Pinch alone. When the young man returned,
+he was very taciturn and dull, in which state he remained all day; so
+that Tom, after trying him once or twice with indifferent conversation,
+felt a delicacy in obtruding himself upon his thoughts, and said no
+more.
+
+He would not have had leisure to say much, had his new friend been ever
+so loquacious; for first of all Mr Pecksniff called him down to stand
+upon the top of his portmanteau and represent ancient statues there,
+until such time as it would consent to be locked; and then Miss Charity
+called him to come and cord her trunk; and then Miss Mercy sent for him
+to come and mend her box; and then he wrote the fullest possible cards
+for all the luggage; and then he volunteered to carry it all downstairs;
+and after that to see it safely carried on a couple of barrows to the
+old finger-post at the end of the lane; and then to mind it till the
+coach came up. In short, his day's work would have been a pretty heavy
+one for a porter, but his thorough good-will made nothing of it; and as
+he sat upon the luggage at last, waiting for the Pecksniffs, escorted by
+the new pupil, to come down the lane, his heart was light with the hope
+of having pleased his benefactor.
+
+'I was almost afraid,' said Tom, taking a letter from his pocket and
+wiping his face, for he was hot with bustling about though it was a cold
+day, 'that I shouldn't have had time to write it, and that would have
+been a thousand pities; postage from such a distance being a serious
+consideration, when one's not rich. She will be glad to see my hand,
+poor girl, and to hear that Pecksniff is as kind as ever. I would have
+asked John Westlock to call and see her, and tell her all about me by
+word of mouth, but I was afraid he might speak against Pecksniff to her,
+and make her uneasy. Besides, they are particular people where she is,
+and it might have rendered her situation uncomfortable if she had had a
+visit from a young man like John. Poor Ruth!'
+
+Tom Pinch seemed a little disposed to be melancholy for half a minute or
+so, but he found comfort very soon, and pursued his ruminations thus:
+
+'I'm a nice man, I don't think, as John used to say (John was a kind,
+merry-hearted fellow; I wish he had liked Pecksniff better), to be
+feeling low, on account of the distance between us, when I ought to
+be thinking, instead, of my extraordinary good luck in having ever got
+here. I must have been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I am sure,
+to have ever come across Pecksniff. And here have I fallen again into
+my usual good luck with the new pupil! Such an affable, generous, free
+fellow, as he is, I never saw. Why, we were companions directly! and he
+a relation of Pecksniff's too, and a clever, dashing youth who might cut
+his way through the world as if it were a cheese! Here he comes while
+the words are on my lips' said Tom; 'walking down the lane as if the
+lane belonged to him.'
+
+In truth, the new pupil, not at all disconcerted by the honour of having
+Miss Mercy Pecksniff on his arm, or by the affectionate adieux of that
+young lady, approached as Mr Pinch spoke, followed by Miss Charity and
+Mr Pecksniff. As the coach appeared at the same moment, Tom lost no time
+in entreating the gentleman last mentioned, to undertake the delivery of
+his letter.
+
+'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the superscription. 'For your
+sister, Thomas. Yes, oh yes, it shall be delivered, Mr Pinch. Make your
+mind easy upon that score. She shall certainly have it, Mr Pinch.'
+
+He made the promise with so much condescension and patronage, that
+Tom felt he had asked a great deal (this had not occurred to his mind
+before), and thanked him earnestly. The Miss Pecksniffs, according to
+a custom they had, were amused beyond description at the mention of
+Mr Pinch's sister. Oh the fright! The bare idea of a Miss Pinch! Good
+heavens!
+
+Tom was greatly pleased to see them so merry, for he took it as a token
+of their favour, and good-humoured regard. Therefore he laughed too and
+rubbed his hands and wished them a pleasant journey and safe return,
+and was quite brisk. Even when the coach had rolled away with the
+olive-branches in the boot and the family of doves inside, he stood
+waving his hand and bowing; so much gratified by the unusually courteous
+demeanour of the young ladies, that he was quite regardless, for the
+moment, of Martin Chuzzlewit, who stood leaning thoughtfully against
+the finger-post, and who after disposing of his fair charge had hardly
+lifted his eyes from the ground.
+
+The perfect silence which ensued upon the bustle and departure of the
+coach, together with the sharp air of the wintry afternoon, roused them
+both at the same time. They turned, as by mutual consent, and moved off
+arm-in-arm.
+
+'How melancholy you are!' said Tom; 'what is the matter?'
+
+'Nothing worth speaking of,' said Martin. 'Very little more than was
+the matter yesterday, and much more, I hope, than will be the matter
+to-morrow. I'm out of spirits, Pinch.'
+
+'Well,' cried Tom, 'now do you know I am in capital spirits today, and
+scarcely ever felt more disposed to be good company. It was a very kind
+thing in your predecessor, John, to write to me, was it not?'
+
+'Why, yes,' said Martin carelessly; 'I should have thought he would have
+had enough to do to enjoy himself, without thinking of you, Pinch.'
+
+'Just what I felt to be so very likely,' Tom rejoined; 'but no, he keeps
+his word, and says, "My dear Pinch, I often think of you," and all sorts
+of kind and considerate things of that description.'
+
+'He must be a devilish good-natured fellow,' said Martin, somewhat
+peevishly: 'because he can't mean that, you know.'
+
+'I don't suppose he can, eh?' said Tom, looking wistfully in his
+companion's face. 'He says so to please me, you think?'
+
+'Why, is it likely,' rejoined Martin, with greater earnestness, 'that
+a young man newly escaped from this kennel of a place, and fresh to all
+the delights of being his own master in London, can have much leisure
+or inclination to think favourably of anything or anybody he has left
+behind him here? I put it to you, Pinch, is it natural?'
+
+After a short reflection, Mr Pinch replied, in a more subdued tone, that
+to be sure it was unreasonable to expect any such thing, and that he had
+no doubt Martin knew best.
+
+'Of course I know best,' Martin observed.
+
+'Yes, I feel that,' said Mr Pinch mildly. 'I said so.' And when he had
+made this rejoinder, they fell into a blank silence again, which lasted
+until they reached home; by which time it was dark.
+
+Now, Miss Charity Pecksniff, in consideration of the inconvenience of
+carrying them with her in the coach, and the impossibility of preserving
+them by artificial means until the family's return, had set forth, in a
+couple of plates, the fragments of yesterday's feast. In virtue of which
+liberal arrangement, they had the happiness to find awaiting them in
+the parlour two chaotic heaps of the remains of last night's pleasure,
+consisting of certain filmy bits of oranges, some mummied sandwiches,
+various disrupted masses of the geological cake, and several entire
+captain's biscuits. That choice liquor in which to steep these dainties
+might not be wanting, the remains of the two bottles of currant wine
+had been poured together and corked with a curl-paper; so that every
+material was at hand for making quite a heavy night of it.
+
+Martin Chuzzlewit beheld these roystering preparations with infinite
+contempt, and stirring the fire into a blaze (to the great destruction
+of Mr Pecksniff's coals), sat moodily down before it, in the most
+comfortable chair he could find. That he might the better squeeze
+himself into the small corner that was left for him, Mr Pinch took up
+his position on Miss Mercy Pecksniff's stool, and setting his glass down
+upon the hearthrug and putting his plate upon his knees, began to enjoy
+himself.
+
+If Diogenes coming to life again could have rolled himself, tub and all,
+into Mr Pecksniff's parlour and could have seen Tom Pinch as he sat on
+Mercy Pecksniff's stool with his plate and glass before him he could
+not have faced it out, though in his surliest mood, but must have
+smiled good-temperedly. The perfect and entire satisfaction of Tom; his
+surpassing appreciation of the husky sandwiches, which crumbled in his
+mouth like saw-dust; the unspeakable relish with which he swallowed the
+thin wine by drops, and smacked his lips, as though it were so rich and
+generous that to lose an atom of its fruity flavour were a sin; the look
+with which he paused sometimes, with his glass in his hand, proposing
+silent toasts to himself; and the anxious shade that came upon his
+contented face when, after wandering round the room, exulting in
+its uninvaded snugness, his glance encountered the dull brow of his
+companion; no cynic in the world, though in his hatred of its men a very
+griffin, could have withstood these things in Thomas Pinch.
+
+Some men would have slapped him on the back, and pledged him in a bumper
+of the currant wine, though it had been the sharpest vinegar--aye, and
+liked its flavour too; some would have seized him by his honest hand,
+and thanked him for the lesson that his simple nature taught them. Some
+would have laughed with, and others would have laughed at him; of which
+last class was Martin Chuzzlewit, who, unable to restrain himself, at
+last laughed loud and long.
+
+'That's right,' said Tom, nodding approvingly. 'Cheer up! That's
+capital!'
+
+At which encouragement young Martin laughed again; and said, as soon as
+he had breath and gravity enough:
+
+'I never saw such a fellow as you are, Pinch.'
+
+'Didn't you though?' said Tom. 'Well, it's very likely you do find me
+strange, because I have hardly seen anything of the world, and you have
+seen a good deal I dare say?'
+
+'Pretty well for my time of life,' rejoined Martin, drawing his chair
+still nearer to the fire, and spreading his feet out on the fender.
+'Deuce take it, I must talk openly to somebody. I'll talk openly to you,
+Pinch.'
+
+'Do!' said Tom. 'I shall take it as being very friendly of you,'
+
+'I'm not in your way, am I?' inquired Martin, glancing down at Mr Pinch,
+who was by this time looking at the fire over his leg.
+
+'Not at all!' cried Tom.
+
+'You must know then, to make short of a long story,' said Martin,
+beginning with a kind of effort, as if the revelation were not
+agreeable to him; 'that I have been bred up from childhood with great
+expectations, and have always been taught to believe that I should be,
+one day, very rich. So I should have been, but for certain brief
+reasons which I am going to tell you, and which have led to my being
+disinherited.'
+
+'By your father?' inquired Mr Pinch, with open eyes.
+
+'By my grandfather. I have had no parents these many years. Scarcely
+within my remembrance.'
+
+'Neither have I,' said Tom, touching the young man's hand with his own
+and timidly withdrawing it again. 'Dear me!'
+
+'Why, as to that, you know, Pinch,' pursued the other, stirring the fire
+again, and speaking in his rapid, off-hand way; 'it's all very right
+and proper to be fond of parents when we have them, and to bear them in
+remembrance after they're dead, if you have ever known anything of them.
+But as I never did know anything about mine personally, you know, why, I
+can't be expected to be very sentimental about 'em. And I am not; that's
+the truth.'
+
+Mr Pinch was just then looking thoughtfully at the bars. But on
+his companion pausing in this place, he started, and said 'Oh! of
+course'--and composed himself to listen again.
+
+'In a word,' said Martin, 'I have been bred and reared all my life by
+this grandfather of whom I have just spoken. Now, he has a great many
+good points--there is no doubt about that; I'll not disguise the fact
+from you--but he has two very great faults, which are the staple of his
+bad side. In the first place, he has the most confirmed obstinacy of
+character you ever met with in any human creature. In the second, he is
+most abominably selfish.'
+
+'Is he indeed?' cried Tom.
+
+'In those two respects,' returned the other, 'there never was such a
+man. I have often heard from those who know, that they have been, time
+out of mind, the failings of our family; and I believe there's some
+truth in it. But I can't say of my own knowledge. All I have to do, you
+know, is to be very thankful that they haven't descended to me, and, to
+be very careful that I don't contract 'em.'
+
+'To be sure,' said Mr Pinch. 'Very proper.'
+
+'Well, sir,' resumed Martin, stirring the fire once more, and drawing
+his chair still closer to it, 'his selfishness makes him exacting,
+you see; and his obstinacy makes him resolute in his exactions. The
+consequence is that he has always exacted a great deal from me in the
+way of respect, and submission, and self-denial when his wishes were in
+question, and so forth. I have borne a great deal from him, because I
+have been under obligations to him (if one can ever be said to be under
+obligations to one's own grandfather), and because I have been really
+attached to him; but we have had a great many quarrels for all that, for
+I could not accommodate myself to his ways very often--not out of the
+least reference to myself, you understand, but because--' he stammered
+here, and was rather at a loss.
+
+Mr Pinch being about the worst man in the world to help anybody out of a
+difficulty of this sort, said nothing.
+
+'Well! as you understand me,' resumed Martin, quickly, 'I needn't hunt
+for the precise expression I want. Now I come to the cream of my story,
+and the occasion of my being here. I am in love, Pinch.'
+
+Mr Pinch looked up into his face with increased interest.
+
+'I say I am in love. I am in love with one of the most beautiful girls
+the sun ever shone upon. But she is wholly and entirely dependent upon
+the pleasure of my grandfather; and if he were to know that she favoured
+my passion, she would lose her home and everything she possesses in the
+world. There is nothing very selfish in THAT love, I think?'
+
+'Selfish!' cried Tom. 'You have acted nobly. To love her as I am sure
+you do, and yet in consideration for her state of dependence, not even
+to disclose--'
+
+'What are you talking about, Pinch?' said Martin pettishly: 'don't
+make yourself ridiculous, my good fellow! What do you mean by not
+disclosing?'
+
+'I beg your pardon,' answered Tom. 'I thought you meant that, or I
+wouldn't have said it.'
+
+'If I didn't tell her I loved her, where would be the use of my being in
+love?' said Martin: 'unless to keep myself in a perpetual state of worry
+and vexation?'
+
+'That's true,' Tom answered. 'Well! I can guess what SHE said when you
+told her,' he added, glancing at Martin's handsome face.
+
+'Why, not exactly, Pinch,' he rejoined, with a slight frown; 'because
+she has some girlish notions about duty and gratitude, and all the rest
+of it, which are rather hard to fathom; but in the main you are right.
+Her heart was mine, I found.'
+
+'Just what I supposed,' said Tom. 'Quite natural!' and, in his great
+satisfaction, he took a long sip out of his wine-glass.
+
+'Although I had conducted myself from the first with the utmost
+circumspection,' pursued Martin, 'I had not managed matters so well but
+that my grandfather, who is full of jealousy and distrust, suspected me
+of loving her. He said nothing to her, but straightway attacked me
+in private, and charged me with designing to corrupt the fidelity to
+himself (there you observe his selfishness), of a young creature whom
+he had trained and educated to be his only disinterested and faithful
+companion, when he should have disposed of me in marriage to his heart's
+content. Upon that, I took fire immediately, and told him that with his
+good leave I would dispose of myself in marriage, and would rather
+not be knocked down by him or any other auctioneer to any bidder
+whomsoever.'
+
+Mr Pinch opened his eyes wider, and looked at the fire harder than he
+had done yet.
+
+'You may be sure,' said Martin, 'that this nettled him, and that he
+began to be the very reverse of complimentary to myself. Interview
+succeeded interview; words engendered words, as they always do; and the
+upshot of it was, that I was to renounce her, or be renounced by him.
+Now you must bear in mind, Pinch, that I am not only desperately fond
+of her (for though she is poor, her beauty and intellect would reflect
+great credit on anybody, I don't care of what pretensions who might
+become her husband), but that a chief ingredient in my composition is a
+most determined--'
+
+'Obstinacy,' suggested Tom in perfect good faith. But the suggestion was
+not so well received as he had expected; for the young man immediately
+rejoined, with some irritation,
+
+'What a fellow you are, Pinch!'
+
+'I beg your pardon,' said Tom, 'I thought you wanted a word.'
+
+'I didn't want that word,' he rejoined. 'I told you obstinacy was no
+part of my character, did I not? I was going to say, if you had given
+me leave, that a chief ingredient in my composition is a most determined
+firmness.'
+
+'Oh!' cried Tom, screwing up his mouth, and nodding. 'Yes, yes; I see!'
+
+'And being firm,' pursued Martin, 'of course I was not going to yield to
+him, or give way by so much as the thousandth part of an inch.'
+
+'No, no,' said Tom.
+
+'On the contrary, the more he urged, the more I was determined to oppose
+him.'
+
+'To be sure!' said Tom.
+
+'Very well,' rejoined Martin, throwing himself back in his chair, with
+a careless wave of both hands, as if the subject were quite settled, and
+nothing more could be said about it--'There is an end of the matter, and
+here am I!'
+
+Mr Pinch sat staring at the fire for some minutes with a puzzled look,
+such as he might have assumed if some uncommonly difficult conundrum had
+been proposed, which he found it impossible to guess. At length he said:
+
+'Pecksniff, of course, you had known before?'
+
+'Only by name. No, I had never seen him, for my grandfather kept not
+only himself but me, aloof from all his relations. But our separation
+took place in a town in the adjoining country. From that place I came to
+Salisbury, and there I saw Pecksniff's advertisement, which I answered,
+having always had some natural taste, I believe, in the matters to which
+it referred, and thinking it might suit me. As soon as I found it to be
+his, I was doubly bent on coming to him if possible, on account of his
+being--'
+
+'Such an excellent man,' interposed Tom, rubbing his hands: 'so he is.
+You were quite right.'
+
+'Why, not so much on that account, if the truth must be spoken,'
+returned Martin, 'as because my grandfather has an inveterate dislike to
+him, and after the old man's arbitrary treatment of me, I had a natural
+desire to run as directly counter to all his opinions as I could. Well!
+As I said before, here I am. My engagement with the young lady I have
+been telling you about is likely to be a tolerably long one; for neither
+her prospects nor mine are very bright; and of course I shall not think
+of marrying until I am well able to do so. It would never do, you know,
+for me to be plunging myself into poverty and shabbiness and love in one
+room up three pair of stairs, and all that sort of thing.'
+
+'To say nothing of her,' remarked Tom Pinch, in a low voice.
+
+'Exactly so,' rejoined Martin, rising to warm his back, and leaning
+against the chimney-piece. 'To say nothing of her. At the same time,
+of course it's not very hard upon her to be obliged to yield to the
+necessity of the case; first, because she loves me very much; and
+secondly, because I have sacrificed a great deal on her account, and
+might have done much better, you know.'
+
+It was a very long time before Tom said 'Certainly;' so long, that he
+might have taken a nap in the interval, but he did say it at last.
+
+'Now, there is one odd coincidence connected with this love-story,' said
+Martin, 'which brings it to an end. You remember what you told me last
+night as we were coming here, about your pretty visitor in the church?'
+
+'Surely I do,' said Tom, rising from his stool, and seating himself in
+the chair from which the other had lately risen, that he might see his
+face. 'Undoubtedly.'
+
+'That was she.'
+
+'I knew what you were going to say,' cried Tom, looking fixedly at him,
+and speaking very softly. 'You don't tell me so?'
+
+'That was she,' repeated the young man. 'After what I have heard
+from Pecksniff, I have no doubt that she came and went with my
+grandfather.--Don't you drink too much of that sour wine, or you'll have
+a fit of some sort, Pinch, I see.'
+
+'It is not very wholesome, I am afraid,' said Tom, setting down the
+empty glass he had for some time held. 'So that was she, was it?'
+
+Martin nodded assent; and adding, with a restless impatience, that if
+he had been a few days earlier he would have seen her; and that now she
+might be, for anything he knew, hundreds of miles away; threw himself,
+after a few turns across the room, into a chair, and chafed like a
+spoilt child.
+
+Tom Pinch's heart was very tender, and he could not bear to see the
+most indifferent person in distress; still less one who had awakened
+an interest in him, and who regarded him (either in fact, or as he
+supposed) with kindness, and in a spirit of lenient construction.
+Whatever his own thoughts had been a few moments before--and to judge
+from his face they must have been pretty serious--he dismissed them
+instantly, and gave his young friend the best counsel and comfort that
+occurred to him.
+
+'All will be well in time,' said Tom, 'I have no doubt; and some trial
+and adversity just now will only serve to make you more attached to each
+other in better days. I have always read that the truth is so, and I
+have a feeling within me, which tells me how natural and right it is
+that it should be. That never ran smooth yet,' said Tom, with a smile
+which, despite the homeliness of his face, was pleasanter to see than
+many a proud beauty's brightest glance; 'what never ran smooth yet, can
+hardly be expected to change its character for us; so we must take it as
+we find it, and fashion it into the very best shape we can, by patience
+and good-humour. I have no power at all; I needn't tell you that; but I
+have an excellent will; and if I could ever be of use to you, in any way
+whatever, how very glad I should be!'
+
+'Thank you,' said Martin, shaking his hand. 'You're a good fellow, upon
+my word, and speak very kindly. Of course you know,' he added, after a
+moment's pause, as he drew his chair towards the fire again, 'I should
+not hesitate to avail myself of your services if you could help me at
+all; but mercy on us!'--Here he rumpled his hair impatiently with his
+hand, and looked at Tom as if he took it rather ill that he was not
+somebody else--'you might as well be a toasting-fork or a frying-pan,
+Pinch, for any help you can render me.'
+
+'Except in the inclination,' said Tom, gently.
+
+'Oh! to be sure. I meant that, of course. If inclination went for
+anything, I shouldn't want help. I tell you what you may do, though, if
+you will, and at the present moment too.'
+
+'What is that?' demanded Tom.
+
+'Read to me.'
+
+'I shall be delighted,' cried Tom, catching up the candle with
+enthusiasm. 'Excuse my leaving you in the dark a moment, and I'll fetch
+a book directly. What will you like? Shakespeare?'
+
+'Aye!' replied his friend, yawning and stretching himself. 'He'll do. I
+am tired with the bustle of to-day, and the novelty of everything about
+me; and in such a case, there's no greater luxury in the world, I think,
+than being read to sleep. You won't mind my going to sleep, if I can?'
+
+'Not at all!' cried Tom.
+
+'Then begin as soon as you like. You needn't leave off when you see
+me getting drowsy (unless you feel tired), for it's pleasant to wake
+gradually to the sounds again. Did you ever try that?'
+
+'No, I never tried that,' said Tom
+
+'Well! You can, you know, one of these days when we're both in the right
+humour. Don't mind leaving me in the dark. Look sharp!'
+
+Mr Pinch lost no time in moving away; and in a minute or two returned
+with one of the precious volumes from the shelf beside his bed. Martin
+had in the meantime made himself as comfortable as circumstances would
+permit, by constructing before the fire a temporary sofa of three chairs
+with Mercy's stool for a pillow, and lying down at full-length upon it.
+
+'Don't be too loud, please,' he said to Pinch.
+
+'No, no,' said Tom.
+
+'You're sure you're not cold'
+
+'Not at all!' cried Tom.
+
+'I am quite ready, then.'
+
+Mr Pinch accordingly, after turning over the leaves of his book with as
+much care as if they were living and highly cherished creatures, made
+his own selection, and began to read. Before he had completed fifty
+lines his friend was snoring.
+
+'Poor fellow!' said Tom, softly, as he stretched out his head to peep
+at him over the backs of the chairs. 'He is very young to have so much
+trouble. How trustful and generous in him to bestow all this confidence
+in me. And that was she, was it?'
+
+But suddenly remembering their compact, he took up the poem at the place
+where he had left off, and went on reading; always forgetting to snuff
+the candle, until its wick looked like a mushroom. He gradually became
+so much interested, that he quite forgot to replenish the fire; and was
+only reminded of his neglect by Martin Chuzzlewit starting up after the
+lapse of an hour or so, and crying with a shiver.
+
+'Why, it's nearly out, I declare! No wonder I dreamed of being frozen.
+Do call for some coals. What a fellow you are, Pinch!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SEVEN
+
+IN WHICH MR CHEVY SLYME ASSERTS THE INDEPENDENCE OF HIS SPIRIT, AND THE
+BLUE DRAGON LOSES A LIMB
+
+
+Martin began to work at the grammar-school next morning, with so much
+vigour and expedition, that Mr Pinch had new reason to do homage to
+the natural endowments of that young gentleman, and to acknowledge
+his infinite superiority to himself. The new pupil received Tom's
+compliments very graciously; and having by this time conceived a real
+regard for him, in his own peculiar way, predicted that they would
+always be the very best of friends, and that neither of them, he was
+certain (but particularly Tom), would ever have reason to regret the day
+on which they became acquainted. Mr Pinch was delighted to hear him say
+this, and felt so much flattered by his kind assurances of friendship
+and protection, that he was at a loss how to express the pleasure they
+afforded him. And indeed it may be observed of this friendship, such as
+it was, that it had within it more likely materials of endurance than
+many a sworn brotherhood that has been rich in promise; for so long as
+the one party found a pleasure in patronizing, and the other in
+being patronised (which was in the very essence of their respective
+characters), it was of all possible events among the least probable,
+that the twin demons, Envy and Pride, would ever arise between them. So
+in very many cases of friendship, or what passes for it, the old axiom
+is reversed, and like clings to unlike more than to like.
+
+They were both very busy on the afternoon succeeding the family's
+departure--Martin with the grammar-school, and Tom in balancing certain
+receipts of rents, and deducting Mr Pecksniff's commission from the
+same; in which abstruse employment he was much distracted by a habit his
+new friend had of whistling aloud while he was drawing--when they were
+not a little startled by the unexpected obtrusion into that sanctuary of
+genius, of a human head which, although a shaggy and somewhat alarming
+head in appearance, smiled affably upon them from the doorway, in
+a manner that was at once waggish, conciliatory, and expressive of
+approbation.
+
+'I am not industrious myself, gents both,' said the head, 'but I know
+how to appreciate that quality in others. I wish I may turn grey
+and ugly, if it isn't in my opinion, next to genius, one of the very
+charmingest qualities of the human mind. Upon my soul, I am grateful
+to my friend Pecksniff for helping me to the contemplation of such
+a delicious picture as you present. You remind me of Whittington,
+afterwards thrice Lord Mayor of London. I give you my unsullied word of
+honour, that you very strongly remind me of that historical character.
+You are a pair of Whittingtons, gents, without the cat; which is a most
+agreeable and blessed exception to me, for I am not attached to the
+feline species. My name is Tigg; how do you do?'
+
+Martin looked to Mr Pinch for an explanation; and Tom, who had never in
+his life set eyes on Mr Tigg before, looked to that gentleman himself.
+
+'Chevy Slyme?' said Mr Tigg, interrogatively, and kissing his left hand
+in token of friendship. 'You will understand me when I say that I am the
+accredited agent of Chevy Slyme; that I am the ambassador from the court
+of Chiv? Ha ha!'
+
+'Heyday!' asked Martin, starting at the mention of a name he knew.
+'Pray, what does he want with me?'
+
+'If your name is Pinch'--Mr Tigg began.
+
+'It is not' said Martin, checking himself. 'That is Mr Pinch.'
+
+'If that is Mr Pinch,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand again, and beginning
+to follow his head into the room, 'he will permit me to say that I
+greatly esteem and respect his character, which has been most highly
+commended to me by my friend Pecksniff; and that I deeply appreciate his
+talent for the organ, notwithstanding that I do not, if I may use the
+expression, grind myself. If that is Mr Pinch, I will venture to express
+a hope that I see him well, and that he is suffering no inconvenience
+from the easterly wind?'
+
+'Thank you,' said Tom. 'I am very well.'
+
+'That is a comfort,' Mr Tigg rejoined. 'Then,' he added, shielding his
+lips with the palm of his hand, and applying them close to Mr Pinch's
+ear, 'I have come for the letter.'
+
+'For the letter,' said Tom, aloud. 'What letter?'
+
+'The letter,' whispered Tigg in the same cautious manner as before,
+'which my friend Pecksniff addressed to Chevy Slyme, Esquire, and left
+with you.'
+
+'He didn't leave any letter with me,' said Tom.
+
+'Hush!' cried the other. 'It's all the same thing, though not so
+delicately done by my friend Pecksniff as I could have wished. The
+money.'
+
+'The money!' cried Tom quite scared.
+
+'Exactly so,' said Mr Tigg. With which he rapped Tom twice or thrice
+upon the breast and nodded several times, as though he would say that he
+saw they understood each other; that it was unnecessary to mention
+the circumstance before a third person; and that he would take it as a
+particular favour if Tom would slip the amount into his hand, as quietly
+as possible.
+
+Mr Pinch, however, was so very much astounded by this (to him)
+inexplicable deportment, that he at once openly declared there must be
+some mistake, and that he had been entrusted with no commission whatever
+having any reference to Mr Tigg or to his friend, either. Mr Tigg
+received this declaration with a grave request that Mr Pinch would have
+the goodness to make it again; and on Tom's repeating it in a still more
+emphatic and unmistakable manner, checked it off, sentence for sentence,
+by nodding his head solemnly at the end of each. When it had come to
+a close for the second time, Mr Tigg sat himself down in a chair and
+addressed the young men as follows:
+
+'Then I tell you what it is, gents both. There is at this present moment
+in this very place, a perfect constellation of talent and genius, who is
+involved, through what I cannot but designate as the culpable negligence
+of my friend Pecksniff, in a situation as tremendous, perhaps, as the
+social intercourse of the nineteenth century will readily admit
+of. There is actually at this instant, at the Blue Dragon in this
+village--an ale-house, observe; a common, paltry, low-minded,
+clodhopping, pipe-smoking ale-house--an individual, of whom it may be
+said, in the language of the Poet, that nobody but himself can in any
+way come up to him; who is detained there for his bill. Ha! ha! For his
+bill. I repeat it--for his bill. Now,' said Mr Tigg, 'we have heard
+of Fox's Book of Martyrs, I believe, and we have heard of the Court of
+Requests, and the Star Chamber; but I fear the contradiction of no man
+alive or dead, when I assert that my friend Chevy Slyme being held
+in pawn for a bill, beats any amount of cockfighting with which I am
+acquainted.'
+
+Martin and Mr Pinch looked, first at each other, and afterwards at Mr
+Tigg, who with his arms folded on his breast surveyed them, half in
+despondency and half in bitterness.
+
+'Don't mistake me, gents both,' he said, stretching forth his right
+hand. 'If it had been for anything but a bill, I could have borne it,
+and could still have looked upon mankind with some feeling of respect;
+but when such a man as my friend Slyme is detained for a score--a thing
+in itself essentially mean; a low performance on a slate, or possibly
+chalked upon the back of a door--I do feel that there is a screw of
+such magnitude loose somewhere, that the whole framework of society
+is shaken, and the very first principles of things can no longer be
+trusted. In short, gents both,' said Mr Tigg with a passionate flourish
+of his hands and head, 'when a man like Slyme is detained for such
+a thing as a bill, I reject the superstitions of ages, and believe
+nothing. I don't even believe that I DON'T believe, curse me if I do!'
+
+'I am very sorry, I am sure,' said Tom after a pause, 'but Mr
+Pecksniff said nothing to me about it, and I couldn't act without his
+instructions. Wouldn't it be better, sir, if you were to go to--to
+wherever you came from--yourself, and remit the money to your friend?'
+
+'How can that be done, when I am detained also?' said Mr Tigg; 'and when
+moreover, owing to the astounding, and I must add, guilty negligence of
+my friend Pecksniff, I have no money for coach-hire?'
+
+Tom thought of reminding the gentleman (who, no doubt, in his agitation
+had forgotten it) that there was a post-office in the land; and that
+possibly if he wrote to some friend or agent for a remittance it might
+not be lost upon the road; or at all events that the chance, however
+desperate, was worth trusting to. But, as his good-nature presently
+suggested to him certain reasons for abstaining from this hint, he
+paused again, and then asked:
+
+'Did you say, sir, that you were detained also?'
+
+'Come here,' said Mr Tigg, rising. 'You have no objection to my opening
+this window for a moment?'
+
+'Certainly not,' said Tom.
+
+'Very good,' said Mr Tigg, lifting the sash. 'You see a fellow down
+there in a red neckcloth and no waistcoat?'
+
+'Of course I do,' cried Tom. 'That's Mark Tapley.'
+
+'Mark Tapley is it?' said the gentleman. 'Then Mark Tapley had not only
+the great politeness to follow me to this house, but is waiting now, to
+see me home again. And for that attention, sir,' added Mr Tigg, stroking
+his moustache, 'I can tell you, that Mark Tapley had better in his
+infancy have been fed to suffocation by Mrs Tapley, than preserved to
+this time.'
+
+Mr Pinch was not so dismayed by this terrible threat, but that he had
+voice enough to call to Mark to come in, and upstairs; a summons which
+he so speedily obeyed, that almost as soon as Tom and Mr Tigg had drawn
+in their heads and closed the window again, he, the denounced, appeared
+before them.
+
+'Come here, Mark!' said Mr Pinch. 'Good gracious me! what's the matter
+between Mrs Lupin and this gentleman?'
+
+'What gentleman, sir?' said Mark. 'I don't see no gentleman here sir,
+excepting you and the new gentleman,' to whom he made a rough kind of
+bow--'and there's nothing wrong between Mrs Lupin and either of you, Mr
+Pinch, I am sure.'
+
+'Nonsense, Mark!' cried Tom. 'You see Mr--'
+
+'Tigg,' interposed that gentleman. 'Wait a bit. I shall crush him soon.
+All in good time!'
+
+'Oh HIM!' rejoined Mark, with an air of careless defiance. 'Yes, I see
+HIM. I could see him a little better, if he'd shave himself, and get his
+hair cut.'
+
+Mr Tigg shook his head with a ferocious look, and smote himself once
+upon the breast.
+
+'It's no use,' said Mark. 'If you knock ever so much in that quarter,
+you'll get no answer. I know better. There's nothing there but padding;
+and a greasy sort it is.'
+
+'Nay, Mark,' urged Mr Pinch, interposing to prevent hostilities, 'tell
+me what I ask you. You're not out of temper, I hope?'
+
+'Out of temper, sir!' cried Mark, with a grin; 'why no, sir. There's
+a little credit--not much--in being jolly, when such fellows as him is
+a-going about like roaring lions; if there is any breed of lions, at
+least, as is all roar and mane. What is there between him and Mrs Lupin,
+sir? Why, there's a score between him and Mrs Lupin. And I think Mrs
+Lupin lets him and his friend off very easy in not charging 'em double
+prices for being a disgrace to the Dragon. That's my opinion. I wouldn't
+have any such Peter the Wild Boy as him in my house, sir, not if I was
+paid race-week prices for it. He's enough to turn the very beer in
+the casks sour with his looks; he is! So he would, if it had judgment
+enough.'
+
+'You're not answering my question, you know, Mark,' observed Mr Pinch.
+
+'Well, sir,' said Mark, 'I don't know as there's much to answer further
+than that. Him and his friend goes and stops at the Moon and Stars till
+they've run a bill there; and then comes and stops with us and does the
+same. The running of bills is common enough Mr Pinch; it an't that as
+we object to; it's the ways of this chap. Nothing's good enough for him;
+all the women is dying for him he thinks, and is overpaid if he winks at
+'em; and all the men was made to be ordered about by him. This not being
+aggravation enough, he says this morning to me, in his usual captivating
+way, "We're going to-night, my man." "Are you, sir?" says I. "Perhaps
+you'd like the bill got ready, sir?" "Oh no, my man," he says; "you
+needn't mind that. I'll give Pecksniff orders to see to that." In reply
+to which, the Dragon makes answer, "Thankee, sir, you're very kind to
+honour us so far, but as we don't know any particular good of you, and
+you don't travel with luggage, and Mr Pecksniff an't at home (which
+perhaps you mayn't happen to be aware of, sir), we should prefer
+something more satisfactory;" and that's where the matter stands. And I
+ask,' said Mr Tapley, pointing, in conclusion, to Mr Tigg, with his hat,
+'any lady or gentleman, possessing ordinary strength of mind, to say
+whether he's a disagreeable-looking chap or not!'
+
+'Let me inquire,' said Martin, interposing between this candid speech
+and the delivery of some blighting anathema by Mr Tigg, 'what the amount
+of this debt may be?'
+
+'In point of money, sir, very little,' answered Mark. 'Only just turned
+of three pounds. But it an't that; it's the--'
+
+'Yes, yes, you told us so before,' said Martin. 'Pinch, a word with
+you.'
+
+'What is it?' asked Tom, retiring with him to a corner of the room.
+
+'Why, simply--I am ashamed to say--that this Mr Slyme is a relation of
+mine, of whom I never heard anything pleasant; and that I don't want him
+here just now, and think he would be cheaply got rid of, perhaps, for
+three or four pounds. You haven't enough money to pay this bill, I
+suppose?'
+
+Tom shook his head to an extent that left no doubt of his entire
+sincerity.
+
+'That's unfortunate, for I am poor too; and in case you had had it, I'd
+have borrowed it of you. But if we told this landlady we would see her
+paid, I suppose that would answer the same purpose?'
+
+'Oh dear, yes!' said Tom. 'She knows me, bless you!'
+
+'Then let us go down at once and tell her so; for the sooner we are rid
+of their company the better. As you have conducted the conversation with
+this gentleman hitherto, perhaps you'll tell him what we purpose doing;
+will you?'
+
+Mr Pinch, complying, at once imparted the intelligence to Mr Tigg, who
+shook him warmly by the hand in return, assuring him that his faith in
+anything and everything was again restored. It was not so much, he said,
+for the temporary relief of this assistance that he prized it, as for
+its vindication of the high principle that Nature's Nobs felt with
+Nature's Nobs, and that true greatness of soul sympathized with true
+greatness of soul, all the world over. It proved to him, he said, that
+like him they admired genius, even when it was coupled with the alloy
+occasionally visible in the metal of his friend Slyme; and on behalf
+of that friend, he thanked them; as warmly and heartily as if the
+cause were his own. Being cut short in these speeches by a general move
+towards the stairs, he took possession at the street door of the lapel
+of Mr Pinch's coat, as a security against further interruption; and
+entertained that gentleman with some highly improving discourse until
+they reached the Dragon, whither they were closely followed by Mark and
+the new pupil.
+
+The rosy hostess scarcely needed Mr Pinch's word as a preliminary to
+the release of her two visitors, of whom she was glad to be rid on
+any terms; indeed, their brief detention had originated mainly with
+Mr Tapley, who entertained a constitutional dislike to gentleman
+out-at-elbows who flourished on false pretences; and had conceived a
+particular aversion to Mr Tigg and his friend, as choice specimens of
+the species. The business in hand thus easily settled, Mr Pinch and
+Martin would have withdrawn immediately, but for the urgent entreaties
+of Mr Tigg that they would allow him the honour of presenting them
+to his friend Slyme, which were so very difficult of resistance that,
+yielding partly to these persuasions and partly to their own curiosity,
+they suffered themselves to be ushered into the presence of that
+distinguished gentleman.
+
+He was brooding over the remains of yesterday's decanter of brandy, and
+was engaged in the thoughtful occupation of making a chain of rings on
+the top of the table with the wet foot of his drinking-glass. Wretched
+and forlorn as he looked, Mr Slyme had once been in his way, the
+choicest of swaggerers; putting forth his pretensions boldly, as a
+man of infinite taste and most undoubted promise. The stock-in-trade
+requisite to set up an amateur in this department of business is very
+slight, and easily got together; a trick of the nose and a curl of the
+lip sufficient to compound a tolerable sneer, being ample provision for
+any exigency. But, in an evil hour, this off-shoot of the Chuzzlewit
+trunk, being lazy, and ill qualified for any regular pursuit and having
+dissipated such means as he ever possessed, had formally established
+himself as a professor of Taste for a livelihood; and finding, too late,
+that something more than his old amount of qualifications was necessary
+to sustain him in this calling, had quickly fallen to his present level,
+where he retained nothing of his old self but his boastfulness and his
+bile, and seemed to have no existence separate or apart from his friend
+Tigg. And now so abject and so pitiful was he--at once so maudlin,
+insolent, beggarly, and proud--that even his friend and parasite,
+standing erect beside him, swelled into a Man by contrast.
+
+'Chiv,' said Mr Tigg, clapping him on the back, 'my friend Pecksniff not
+being at home, I have arranged our trifling piece of business with Mr
+Pinch and friend. Mr Pinch and friend, Mr Chevy Slyme! Chiv, Mr Pinch
+and friend!'
+
+'These are agreeable circumstances in which to be introduced to
+strangers,' said Chevy Slyme, turning his bloodshot eyes towards Tom
+Pinch. 'I am the most miserable man in the world, I believe!'
+
+Tom begged he wouldn't mention it; and finding him in this condition,
+retired, after an awkward pause, followed by Martin. But Mr Tigg so
+urgently conjured them, by coughs and signs, to remain in the shadow of
+the door, that they stopped there.
+
+'I swear,' cried Mr Slyme, giving the table an imbecile blow with his
+fist, and then feebly leaning his head upon his hand, while some drunken
+drops oozed from his eyes, 'that I am the wretchedest creature on
+record. Society is in a conspiracy against me. I'm the most literary
+man alive. I'm full of scholarship. I'm full of genius; I'm full of
+information; I'm full of novel views on every subject; yet look at my
+condition! I'm at this moment obliged to two strangers for a tavern
+bill!'
+
+Mr Tigg replenished his friend's glass, pressed it into his hand, and
+nodded an intimation to the visitors that they would see him in a better
+aspect immediately.
+
+'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern bill, eh!' repeated Mr Slyme,
+after a sulky application to his glass. 'Very pretty! And crowds of
+impostors, the while, becoming famous; men who are no more on a level
+with me than--Tigg, I take you to witness that I am the most persecuted
+hound on the face of the earth.'
+
+With a whine, not unlike the cry of the animal he named, in its lowest
+state of humiliation, he raised his glass to his mouth again. He found
+some encouragement in it; for when he set it down he laughed scornfully.
+Upon that Mr Tigg gesticulated to the visitors once more, and with great
+expression, implying that now the time was come when they would see Chiv
+in his greatness.
+
+'Ha, ha, ha,' laughed Mr Slyme. 'Obliged to two strangers for a tavern
+bill! Yet I think I've a rich uncle, Tigg, who could buy up the uncles
+of fifty strangers! Have I, or have I not? I come of a good family,
+I believe! Do I, or do I not? I'm not a man of common capacity or
+accomplishments, I think! Am I, or am I not?'
+
+'You are the American aloe of the human race, my dear Chiv,' said Mr
+Tigg, 'which only blooms once in a hundred years!'
+
+'Ha, ha, ha!' laughed Mr Slyme again. 'Obliged to two strangers for
+a tavern bill! I obliged to two architect's apprentices. Fellows who
+measure earth with iron chains, and build houses like bricklayers. Give
+me the names of those two apprentices. How dare they oblige me!'
+
+Mr Tigg was quite lost in admiration of this noble trait in his friend's
+character; as he made known to Mr Pinch in a neat little ballet of
+action, spontaneously invented for the purpose.
+
+'I'll let 'em know, and I'll let all men know,' cried Chevy Slyme,
+'that I'm none of the mean, grovelling, tame characters they meet with
+commonly. I have an independent spirit. I have a heart that swells in my
+bosom. I have a soul that rises superior to base considerations.'
+
+'Oh Chiv, Chiv,' murmured Mr Tigg, 'you have a nobly independent nature,
+Chiv!'
+
+'You go and do your duty, sir,' said Mr Slyme, angrily, 'and borrow
+money for travelling expenses; and whoever you borrow it of, let 'em
+know that I possess a haughty spirit, and a proud spirit, and have
+infernally finely-touched chords in my nature, which won't brook
+patronage. Do you hear? Tell 'em I hate 'em, and that that's the way
+I preserve my self-respect; and tell 'em that no man ever respected
+himself more than I do!'
+
+He might have added that he hated two sorts of men; all those who did
+him favours, and all those who were better off than himself; as in
+either case their position was an insult to a man of his stupendous
+merits. But he did not; for with the apt closing words above recited, Mr
+Slyme; of too haughty a stomach to work, to beg, to borrow, or to steal;
+yet mean enough to be worked or borrowed, begged or stolen for, by any
+catspaw that would serve his turn; too insolent to lick the hand that
+fed him in his need, yet cur enough to bite and tear it in the dark;
+with these apt closing words Mr Slyme fell forward with his head upon
+the table, and so declined into a sodden sleep.
+
+'Was there ever,' cried Mr Tigg, joining the young men at the door,
+and shutting it carefully behind him, 'such an independent spirit as is
+possessed by that extraordinary creature? Was there ever such a Roman as
+our friend Chiv? Was there ever a man of such a purely classical turn of
+thought, and of such a toga-like simplicity of nature? Was there ever a
+man with such a flow of eloquence? Might he not, gents both, I ask, have
+sat upon a tripod in the ancient times, and prophesied to a perfectly
+unlimited extent, if previously supplied with gin-and-water at the
+public cost?'
+
+Mr Pinch was about to contest this latter position with his usual
+mildness, when, observing that his companion had already gone
+downstairs, he prepared to follow him.
+
+'You are not going, Mr Pinch?' said Tigg.
+
+'Thank you,' answered Tom. 'Yes. Don't come down.'
+
+'Do you know that I should like one little word in private with you Mr
+Pinch?' said Tigg, following him. 'One minute of your company in the
+skittle-ground would very much relieve my mind. Might I beseech that
+favour?'
+
+'Oh, certainly,' replied Tom, 'if you really wish it.' So he accompanied
+Mr Tigg to the retreat in question; on arriving at which place that
+gentleman took from his hat what seemed to be the fossil remains of an
+antediluvian pocket-handkerchief, and wiped his eyes therewith.
+
+'You have not beheld me this day,' said Mr Tigg, 'in a favourable
+light.'
+
+'Don't mention that,' said Tom, 'I beg.'
+
+'But you have NOT,' cried Tigg. 'I must persist in that opinion. If you
+could have seen me, Mr Pinch, at the head of my regiment on the coast
+of Africa, charging in the form of a hollow square, with the women and
+children and the regimental plate-chest in the centre, you would not
+have known me for the same man. You would have respected me, sir.'
+
+Tom had certain ideas of his own upon the subject of glory; and
+consequently he was not quite so much excited by this picture as Mr Tigg
+could have desired.
+
+'But no matter!' said that gentleman. 'The school-boy writing home to
+his parents and describing the milk-and-water, said "This is indeed
+weakness." I repeat that assertion in reference to myself at the present
+moment; and I ask your pardon. Sir, you have seen my friend Slyme?'
+
+'No doubt,' said Mr Pinch.
+
+'Sir, you have been impressed by my friend Slyme?'
+
+'Not very pleasantly, I must say,' answered Tom, after a little
+hesitation.
+
+'I am grieved but not surprised,' cried Mr Tigg, detaining him with both
+hands, 'to hear that you have come to that conclusion; for it is my own.
+But, Mr Pinch, though I am a rough and thoughtless man, I can honour
+Mind. I honour Mind in following my friend. To you of all men, Mr Pinch,
+I have a right to make appeal on Mind's behalf, when it has not the art
+to push its fortune in the world. And so, sir--not for myself, who have
+no claim upon you, but for my crushed, my sensitive and independent
+friend, who has--I ask the loan of three half-crowns. I ask you for the
+loan of three half-crowns, distinctly, and without a blush. I ask it,
+almost as a right. And when I add that they will be returned by post,
+this week, I feel that you will blame me for that sordid stipulation.'
+
+Mr Pinch took from his pocket an old-fashioned red-leather purse with
+a steel clasp, which had probably once belonged to his deceased
+grandmother. It held one half-sovereign and no more. All Tom's worldly
+wealth until next quarter-day.
+
+'Stay!' cried Mr Tigg, who had watched this proceeding keenly. 'I was
+just about to say, that for the convenience of posting you had better
+make it gold. Thank you. A general direction, I suppose, to Mr Pinch at
+Mr Pecksniff's--will that find you?'
+
+'That'll find me,' said Tom. 'You had better put Esquire to Mr
+Pecksniff's name, if you please. Direct to me, you know, at Seth
+Pecksniff's, Esquire.'
+
+'At Seth Pecksniff's, Esquire,' repeated Mr Tigg, taking an exact note
+of it with a stump of pencil. 'We said this week, I believe?'
+
+'Yes; or Monday will do,' observed Tom.
+
+'No, no, I beg your pardon. Monday will NOT do,' said Mr Tigg. 'If we
+stipulated for this week, Saturday is the latest day. Did we stipulate
+for this week?'
+
+'Since you are so particular about it,' said Tom, 'I think we did.'
+
+Mr Tigg added this condition to his memorandum; read the entry over to
+himself with a severe frown; and that the transaction might be the more
+correct and business-like, appended his initials to the whole. That
+done, he assured Mr Pinch that everything was now perfectly regular;
+and, after squeezing his hand with great fervour, departed.
+
+Tom entertained enough suspicion that Martin might possibly turn this
+interview into a jest, to render him desirous to avoid the company of
+that young gentleman for the present. With this view he took a few turns
+up and down the skittle-ground, and did not re-enter the house until
+Mr Tigg and his friend had quitted it, and the new pupil and Mark were
+watching their departure from one of the windows.
+
+'I was just a-saying, sir, that if one could live by it,' observed Mark,
+pointing after their late guests, 'that would be the sort of service
+for me. Waiting on such individuals as them would be better than
+grave-digging, sir.'
+
+'And staying here would be better than either, Mark,' replied Tom. 'So
+take my advice, and continue to swim easily in smooth water.'
+
+'It's too late to take it now, sir,' said Mark. 'I have broke it to her,
+sir. I am off to-morrow morning.'
+
+'Off!' cried Mr Pinch, 'where to?'
+
+'I shall go up to London, sir.'
+
+'What to be?' asked Mr Pinch.
+
+'Well! I don't know yet, sir. Nothing turned up that day I opened my
+mind to you, as was at all likely to suit me. All them trades I thought
+of was a deal too jolly; there was no credit at all to be got in any
+of 'em. I must look for a private service, I suppose, sir. I might be
+brought out strong, perhaps, in a serious family, Mr Pinch.'
+
+'Perhaps you might come out rather too strong for a serious family's
+taste, Mark.'
+
+'That's possible, sir. If I could get into a wicked family, I might
+do myself justice; but the difficulty is to make sure of one's ground,
+because a young man can't very well advertise that he wants a place, and
+wages an't so much an object as a wicked sitivation; can he, sir?'
+
+'Why, no,' said Mr Pinch, 'I don't think he can.'
+
+'An envious family,' pursued Mark, with a thoughtful face; 'or a
+quarrelsome family, or a malicious family, or even a good out-and-out
+mean family, would open a field of action as I might do something in.
+The man as would have suited me of all other men was that old gentleman
+as was took ill here, for he really was a trying customer. Howsever, I
+must wait and see what turns up, sir; and hope for the worst.'
+
+'You are determined to go then?' said Mr Pinch.
+
+'My box is gone already, sir, by the waggon, and I'm going to walk on
+to-morrow morning, and get a lift by the day coach when it overtakes me.
+So I wish you good-bye, Mr Pinch--and you too, sir--and all good luck
+and happiness!'
+
+They both returned his greeting laughingly, and walked home arm-in-arm.
+Mr Pinch imparting to his new friend, as they went, such further
+particulars of Mark Tapley's whimsical restlessness as the reader is
+already acquainted with.
+
+In the meantime Mark, having a shrewd notion that his mistress was
+in very low spirits, and that he could not exactly answer for the
+consequences of any lengthened TETE-A-TETE in the bar, kept himself
+obstinately out of her way all the afternoon and evening. In this piece
+of generalship he was very much assisted by the great influx of company
+into the taproom; for the news of his intention having gone abroad,
+there was a perfect throng there all the evening, and much drinking of
+healths and clinking of mugs. At length the house was closed for the
+night; and there being now no help for it, Mark put the best face he
+could upon the matter, and walked doggedly to the bar-door.
+
+'If I look at her,' said Mark to himself, 'I'm done. I feel that I'm
+a-going fast.'
+
+'You have come at last,' said Mrs Lupin.
+
+Aye, Mark said: There he was.
+
+'And you are determined to leave us, Mark?' cried Mrs Lupin.
+
+'Why, yes; I am,' said Mark; keeping his eyes hard upon the floor.
+
+'I thought,' pursued the landlady, with a most engaging hesitation,
+'that you had been--fond--of the Dragon?'
+
+'So I am,' said Mark.
+
+'Then,' pursued the hostess--and it really was not an unnatural
+inquiry--'why do you desert it?'
+
+But as he gave no manner of answer to this question; not even on
+its being repeated; Mrs Lupin put his money into his hand, and asked
+him--not unkindly, quite the contrary--what he would take?
+
+It is proverbial that there are certain things which flesh and blood
+cannot bear. Such a question as this, propounded in such a manner, at
+such a time, and by such a person, proved (at least, as far as, Mark's
+flesh and blood were concerned) to be one of them. He looked up in spite
+of himself directly; and having once looked up, there was no
+looking down again; for of all the tight, plump, buxom, bright-eyed,
+dimple-faced landladies that ever shone on earth, there stood before him
+then, bodily in that bar, the very pink and pineapple.
+
+'Why, I tell you what,' said Mark, throwing off all his constraint in an
+instant and seizing the hostess round the waist--at which she was not at
+all alarmed, for she knew what a good young man he was--'if I took what
+I liked most, I should take you. If I only thought what was best for me,
+I should take you. If I took what nineteen young fellows in twenty would
+be glad to take, and would take at any price, I should take you. Yes,
+I should,' cried Mr Tapley, shaking his head expressively enough, and
+looking (in a momentary state of forgetfulness) rather hard at the
+hostess's ripe lips. 'And no man wouldn't wonder if I did!'
+
+Mrs Lupin said he amazed her. She was astonished how he could say such
+things. She had never thought it of him.
+
+'Why, I never thought if of myself till now!' said Mark, raising his
+eyebrows with a look of the merriest possible surprise. 'I always
+expected we should part, and never have no explanation; I meant to do it
+when I come in here just now; but there's something about you, as makes
+a man sensible. Then let us have a word or two together; letting it be
+understood beforehand,' he added this in a grave tone, to prevent the
+possibility of any mistake, 'that I'm not a-going to make no love, you
+know.'
+
+There was for just one second a shade, though not by any means a dark
+one, on the landlady's open brow. But it passed off instantly, in a
+laugh that came from her very heart.
+
+'Oh, very good!' she said; 'if there is to be no love-making, you had
+better take your arm away.'
+
+'Lord, why should I!' cried Mark. 'It's quite innocent.'
+
+'Of course it's innocent,' returned the hostess, 'or I shouldn't allow
+it.'
+
+'Very well!' said Mark. 'Then let it be.'
+
+There was so much reason in this that the landlady laughed again,
+suffered it to remain, and bade him say what he had to say, and be quick
+about it. But he was an impudent fellow, she added.
+
+'Ha ha! I almost think I am!' cried Mark, 'though I never thought so
+before. Why, I can say anything to-night!'
+
+'Say what you're going to say if you please, and be quick,' returned the
+landlady, 'for I want to get to bed.'
+
+'Why, then, my dear good soul,' said Mark, 'and a kinder woman than you
+are never drawed breath--let me see the man as says she did!--what would
+be the likely consequence of us two being--'
+
+'Oh nonsense!' cried Mrs Lupin. 'Don't talk about that any more.'
+
+'No, no, but it an't nonsense,' said Mark; 'and I wish you'd attend.
+What would be the likely consequence of us two being married? If I can't
+be content and comfortable in this here lively Dragon now, is it to be
+looked for as I should be then? By no means. Very good. Then you, even
+with your good humour, would be always on the fret and worrit, always
+uncomfortable in your own mind, always a-thinking as you was getting too
+old for my taste, always a-picturing me to yourself as being chained
+up to the Dragon door, and wanting to break away. I don't know that it
+would be so,' said Mark, 'but I don't know that it mightn't be. I am a
+roving sort of chap, I know. I'm fond of change. I'm always a-thinking
+that with my good health and spirits it would be more creditable in me
+to be jolly where there's things a-going on to make one dismal. It may
+be a mistake of mine you see, but nothing short of trying how it acts
+will set it right. Then an't it best that I should go; particular when
+your free way has helped me out to say all this, and we can part as
+good friends as we have ever been since first I entered this here noble
+Dragon, which,' said Mr Tapley in conclusion, 'has my good word and my
+good wish to the day of my death!'
+
+The hostess sat quite silent for a little time, but she very soon put
+both her hands in Mark's and shook them heartily.
+
+'For you are a good man,' she said; looking into his face with a smile,
+which was rather serious for her. 'And I do believe have been a better
+friend to me to-night than ever I have had in all my life.'
+
+'Oh! as to that, you know,' said Mark, 'that's nonsense. But love my
+heart alive!' he added, looking at her in a sort of rapture, 'if you ARE
+that way disposed, what a lot of suitable husbands there is as you may
+drive distracted!'
+
+She laughed again at this compliment; and, once more shaking him by both
+hands, and bidding him, if he should ever want a friend, to remember
+her, turned gayly from the little bar and up the Dragon staircase.
+
+'Humming a tune as she goes,' said Mark, listening, 'in case I should
+think she's at all put out, and should be made down-hearted. Come,
+here's some credit in being jolly, at last!'
+
+With that piece of comfort, very ruefully uttered, he went, in anything
+but a jolly manner, to bed.
+
+He rose early next morning, and was a-foot soon after sunrise. But it
+was of no use; the whole place was up to see Mark Tapley off; the boys,
+the dogs, the children, the old men, the busy people and the idlers;
+there they were, all calling out 'Good-b'ye, Mark,' after their own
+manner, and all sorry he was going. Somehow he had a kind of sense that
+his old mistress was peeping from her chamber-window, but he couldn't
+make up his mind to look back.
+
+'Good-b'ye one, good-b'ye all!' cried Mark, waving his hat on the top
+of his walking-stick, as he strode at a quick pace up the little street.
+'Hearty chaps them wheelwrights--hurrah! Here's the butcher's dog
+a-coming out of the garden--down, old fellow! And Mr Pinch a-going to
+his organ--good-b'ye, sir! And the terrier-bitch from over the way--hie,
+then, lass! And children enough to hand down human natur to the latest
+posterity--good-b'ye, boys and girls! There's some credit in it now. I'm
+a-coming out strong at last. These are the circumstances that would try
+a ordinary mind; but I'm uncommon jolly. Not quite as jolly as I could
+wish to be, but very near. Good-b'ye! good-b'ye!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER EIGHT
+
+ACCOMPANIES MR PECKSNIFF AND HIS CHARMING DAUGHTERS TO THE CITY OF
+LONDON; AND RELATES WHAT FELL OUT UPON THEIR WAY THITHER
+
+
+When Mr Pecksniff and the two young ladies got into the heavy coach at
+the end of the lane, they found it empty, which was a great comfort;
+particularly as the outside was quite full and the passengers looked
+very frosty. For as Mr Pecksniff justly observed--when he and his
+daughters had burrowed their feet deep in the straw, wrapped themselves
+to the chin, and pulled up both windows--it is always satisfactory to
+feel, in keen weather, that many other people are not as warm as
+you are. And this, he said, was quite natural, and a very beautiful
+arrangement; not confined to coaches, but extending itself into many
+social ramifications. 'For' (he observed), 'if every one were warm and
+well-fed, we should lose the satisfaction of admiring the fortitude with
+which certain conditions of men bear cold and hunger. And if we were
+no better off than anybody else, what would become of our sense of
+gratitude; which,' said Mr Pecksniff with tears in his eyes, as he shook
+his fist at a beggar who wanted to get up behind, 'is one of the holiest
+feelings of our common nature.'
+
+His children heard with becoming reverence these moral precepts from the
+lips of their father, and signified their acquiescence in the same, by
+smiles. That he might the better feed and cherish that sacred flame of
+gratitude in his breast, Mr Pecksniff remarked that he would trouble
+his eldest daughter, even in this early stage of their journey, for the
+brandy-bottle. And from the narrow neck of that stone vessel he imbibed
+a copious refreshment.
+
+'What are we?' said Mr Pecksniff, 'but coaches? Some of us are slow
+coaches'--
+
+'Goodness, Pa!' cried Charity.
+
+'Some of us, I say,' resumed her parent with increased emphasis, 'are
+slow coaches; some of us are fast coaches. Our passions are the horses;
+and rampant animals too--!'
+
+'Really, Pa,' cried both the daughters at once. 'How very unpleasant.'
+
+'And rampant animals too' repeated Mr Pecksniff with so much
+determination, that he may be said to have exhibited, at the moment a
+sort of moral rampancy himself;'--and Virtue is the drag. We start from
+The Mother's Arms, and we run to The Dust Shovel.'
+
+When he had said this, Mr Pecksniff, being exhausted, took some further
+refreshment. When he had done that, he corked the bottle tight, with the
+air of a man who had effectually corked the subject also; and went to
+sleep for three stages.
+
+The tendency of mankind when it falls asleep in coaches, is to wake up
+cross; to find its legs in its way; and its corns an aggravation.
+Mr Pecksniff not being exempt from the common lot of humanity found
+himself, at the end of his nap, so decidedly the victim of these
+infirmities, that he had an irresistible inclination to visit them upon
+his daughters; which he had already begun to do in the shape of divers
+random kicks, and other unexpected motions of his shoes, when the coach
+stopped, and after a short delay the door was opened.
+
+'Now mind,' said a thin sharp voice in the dark. 'I and my son go
+inside, because the roof is full, but you agree only to charge us
+outside prices. It's quite understood that we won't pay more. Is it?'
+
+'All right, sir,' replied the guard.
+
+'Is there anybody inside now?' inquired the voice.
+
+'Three passengers,' returned the guard.
+
+'Then I ask the three passengers to witness this bargain, if they will
+be so good,' said the voice. 'My boy, I think we may safely get in.'
+
+In pursuance of which opinion, two people took their seats in the
+vehicle, which was solemnly licensed by Act of Parliament to carry any
+six persons who could be got in at the door.
+
+'That was lucky!' whispered the old man, when they moved on again. 'And
+a great stroke of policy in you to observe it. He, he, he! We couldn't
+have gone outside. I should have died of the rheumatism!'
+
+Whether it occurred to the dutiful son that he had in some degree
+over-reached himself by contributing to the prolongation of his father's
+days; or whether the cold had effected his temper; is doubtful. But he
+gave his father such a nudge in reply, that that good old gentleman
+was taken with a cough which lasted for full five minutes without
+intermission, and goaded Mr Pecksniff to that pitch of irritation, that
+he said at last--and very suddenly:
+
+'There is no room! There is really no room in this coach for any
+gentleman with a cold in his head!'
+
+'Mine,' said the old man, after a moment's pause, 'is upon my chest,
+Pecksniff.'
+
+The voice and manner, together, now that he spoke out; the composure of
+the speaker; the presence of his son; and his knowledge of Mr Pecksniff;
+afforded a clue to his identity which it was impossible to mistake.
+
+'Hem! I thought,' said Mr Pecksniff, returning to his usual mildness,
+'that I addressed a stranger. I find that I address a relative, Mr
+Anthony Chuzzlewit and his son Mr Jonas--for they, my dear children,
+are our travelling companions--will excuse me for an apparently harsh
+remark. It is not MY desire to wound the feelings of any person with
+whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a Hypocrite,' said Mr
+Pecksniff, cuttingly; 'but I am not a Brute.'
+
+'Pooh, pooh!' said the old man. 'What signifies that word, Pecksniff?
+Hypocrite! why, we are all hypocrites. We were all hypocrites t'other
+day. I am sure I felt that to be agreed upon among us, or I shouldn't
+have called you one. We should not have been there at all, if we had not
+been hypocrites. The only difference between you and the rest was--shall
+I tell you the difference between you and the rest now, Pecksniff?'
+
+'If you please, my good sir; if you please.'
+
+'Why, the annoying quality in YOU, is,' said the old man, 'that you
+never have a confederate or partner in YOUR juggling; you would deceive
+everybody, even those who practise the same art; and have a way with
+you, as if you--he, he, he!--as if you really believed yourself. I'd
+lay a handsome wager now,' said the old man, 'if I laid wagers, which
+I don't and never did, that you keep up appearances by a tacit
+understanding, even before your own daughters here. Now I, when I have
+a business scheme in hand, tell Jonas what it is, and we discuss it
+openly. You're not offended, Pecksniff?'
+
+'Offended, my good sir!' cried that gentleman, as if he had received the
+highest compliments that language could convey.
+
+'Are you travelling to London, Mr Pecksniff?' asked the son.
+
+'Yes, Mr Jonas, we are travelling to London. We shall have the pleasure
+of your company all the way, I trust?'
+
+'Oh! ecod, you had better ask father that,' said Jonas. 'I am not
+a-going to commit myself.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff was, as a matter of course, greatly entertained by this
+retort. His mirth having subsided, Mr Jonas gave him to understand
+that himself and parent were in fact travelling to their home in the
+metropolis; and that, since the memorable day of the great family
+gathering, they had been tarrying in that part of the country, watching
+the sale of certain eligible investments, which they had had in their
+copartnership eye when they came down; for it was their custom, Mr Jonas
+said, whenever such a thing was practicable, to kill two birds with one
+stone, and never to throw away sprats, but as bait for whales. When he
+had communicated to Mr Pecksniff these pithy scraps of intelligence,
+he said, 'That if it was all the same to him, he would turn him over
+to father, and have a chat with the gals;' and in furtherance of
+this polite scheme, he vacated his seat adjoining that gentleman, and
+established himself in the opposite corner, next to the fair Miss Mercy.
+
+The education of Mr Jonas had been conducted from his cradle on the
+strictest principles of the main chance. The very first word he learnt
+to spell was 'gain,' and the second (when he got into two syllables),
+'money.' But for two results, which were not clearly foreseen perhaps by
+his watchful parent in the beginning, his training may be said to have
+been unexceptionable. One of these flaws was, that having been long
+taught by his father to over-reach everybody, he had imperceptibly
+acquired a love of over-reaching that venerable monitor himself.
+The other, that from his early habits of considering everything as a
+question of property, he had gradually come to look, with impatience,
+on his parent as a certain amount of personal estate, which had no
+right whatever to be going at large, but ought to be secured in that
+particular description of iron safe which is commonly called a coffin,
+and banked in the grave.
+
+'Well, cousin!' said Mr Jonas--'Because we ARE cousins, you know, a few
+times removed--so you're going to London?'
+
+Miss Mercy replied in the affirmative, pinching her sister's arm at the
+same time, and giggling excessively.
+
+'Lots of beaux in London, cousin!' said Mr Jonas, slightly advancing his
+elbow.
+
+'Indeed, sir!' cried the young lady. 'They won't hurt us, sir, I dare
+say.' And having given him this answer with great demureness she was so
+overcome by her own humour, that she was fain to stifle her merriment in
+her sister's shawl.
+
+'Merry,' cried that more prudent damsel, 'really I am ashamed of you.
+How can you go on so? You wild thing!' At which Miss Merry only laughed
+the more, of course.
+
+'I saw a wildness in her eye, t'other day,' said Mr Jonas, addressing
+Charity. 'But you're the one to sit solemn! I say--You were regularly
+prim, cousin!'
+
+'Oh! The old-fashioned fright!' cried Merry, in a whisper. 'Cherry my
+dear, upon my word you must sit next him. I shall die outright if he
+talks to me any more; I shall, positively!' To prevent which fatal
+consequence, the buoyant creature skipped out of her seat as she spoke,
+and squeezed her sister into the place from which she had risen.
+
+'Don't mind crowding me,' cried Mr Jonas. 'I like to be crowded by gals.
+Come a little closer, cousin.'
+
+'No, thank you, sir,' said Charity.
+
+'There's that other one a-laughing again,' said Mr Jonas; 'she's
+a-laughing at my father, I shouldn't wonder. If he puts on that old
+flannel nightcap of his, I don't know what she'll do! Is that my father
+a-snoring, Pecksniff?'
+
+'Yes, Mr Jonas.'
+
+'Tread upon his foot, will you be so good?' said the young gentleman.
+'The foot next you's the gouty one.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff hesitating to perform this friendly office, Mr Jonas did it
+himself; at the same time crying:
+
+'Come, wake up, father, or you'll be having the nightmare, and
+screeching out, I know.--Do you ever have the nightmare, cousin?' he
+asked his neighbour, with characteristic gallantry, as he dropped his
+voice again.
+
+'Sometimes,' answered Charity. 'Not often.'
+
+'The other one,' said Mr Jonas, after a pause. 'Does SHE ever have the
+nightmare?'
+
+'I don't know,' replied Charity. 'You had better ask her.'
+
+'She laughs so,' said Jonas; 'there's no talking to her. Only hark how
+she's a-going on now! You're the sensible one, cousin!'
+
+'Tut, tut!' cried Charity.
+
+'Oh! But you are! You know you are!'
+
+'Mercy is a little giddy,' said Miss Charity. But she'll sober down in
+time.'
+
+'It'll be a very long time, then, if she does at all,' rejoined her
+cousin. 'Take a little more room.'
+
+'I am afraid of crowding you,' said Charity. But she took it
+notwithstanding; and after one or two remarks on the extreme heaviness
+of the coach, and the number of places it stopped at, they fell into
+a silence which remained unbroken by any member of the party until
+supper-time.
+
+Although Mr Jonas conducted Charity to the hotel and sat himself beside
+her at the board, it was pretty clear that he had an eye to 'the other
+one' also, for he often glanced across at Mercy, and seemed to draw
+comparisons between the personal appearance of the two, which were not
+unfavourable to the superior plumpness of the younger sister. He allowed
+himself no great leisure for this kind of observation, however, being
+busily engaged with the supper, which, as he whispered in his fair
+companion's ear, was a contract business, and therefore the more she
+ate, the better the bargain was. His father and Mr Pecksniff, probably
+acting on the same wise principle, demolished everything that came
+within their reach, and by that means acquired a greasy expression of
+countenance, indicating contentment, if not repletion, which it was very
+pleasant to contemplate.
+
+When they could eat no more, Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jonas subscribed for
+two sixpenny-worths of hot brandy-and-water, which the latter gentleman
+considered a more politic order than one shillingsworth; there being
+a chance of their getting more spirit out of the innkeeper under this
+arrangement than if it were all in one glass. Having swallowed his share
+of the enlivening fluid, Mr Pecksniff, under pretence of going to see if
+the coach were ready, went secretly to the bar, and had his own little
+bottle filled, in order that he might refresh himself at leisure in the
+dark coach without being observed.
+
+These arrangements concluded, and the coach being ready, they got into
+their old places and jogged on again. But before he composed himself
+for a nap, Mr Pecksniff delivered a kind of grace after meat, in these
+words:
+
+'The process of digestion, as I have been informed by anatomical
+friends, is one of the most wonderful works of nature. I do not know
+how it may be with others, but it is a great satisfaction to me to know,
+when regaling on my humble fare, that I am putting in motion the most
+beautiful machinery with which we have any acquaintance. I really feel
+at such times as if I was doing a public service. When I have wound
+myself up, if I may employ such a term,' said Mr Pecksniff with
+exquisite tenderness, 'and know that I am Going, I feel that in the
+lesson afforded by the works within me, I am a Benefactor to my Kind!'
+
+As nothing could be added to this, nothing was said; and Mr Pecksniff,
+exulting, it may be presumed, in his moral utility, went to sleep again.
+
+The rest of the night wore away in the usual manner. Mr Pecksniff
+and Old Anthony kept tumbling against each other and waking up much
+terrified, or crushed their heads in opposite corners of the coach and
+strangely tattooed the surface of their faces--Heaven knows how--in
+their sleep. The coach stopped and went on, and went on and stopped,
+times out of number. Passengers got up and passengers got down, and
+fresh horses came and went and came again, with scarcely any interval
+between each team as it seemed to those who were dozing, and with a gap
+of a whole night between every one as it seemed to those who were broad
+awake. At length they began to jolt and rumble over horribly uneven
+stones, and Mr Pecksniff looking out of window said it was to-morrow
+morning, and they were there.
+
+Very soon afterwards the coach stopped at the office in the city; and
+the street in which it was situated was already in a bustle, that fully
+bore out Mr Pecksniff's words about its being morning, though for any
+signs of day yet appearing in the sky it might have been midnight. There
+was a dense fog too; as if it were a city in the clouds, which they had
+been travelling to all night up a magic beanstalk; and there was a thick
+crust upon the pavement like oilcake; which, one of the outsides (mad,
+no doubt) said to another (his keeper, of course), was Snow.
+
+Taking a confused leave of Anthony and his son, and leaving the luggage
+of himself and daughters at the office to be called for afterwards, Mr
+Pecksniff, with one of the young ladies under each arm, dived across the
+street, and then across other streets, and so up the queerest courts,
+and down the strangest alleys and under the blindest archways, in a kind
+of frenzy; now skipping over a kennel, now running for his life from a
+coach and horses; now thinking he had lost his way, now thinking he had
+found it; now in a state of the highest confidence, now despondent to
+the last degree, but always in a great perspiration and flurry; until at
+length they stopped in a kind of paved yard near the Monument. That is
+to say, Mr Pecksniff told them so; for as to anything they could see
+of the Monument, or anything else but the buildings close at hand, they
+might as well have been playing blindman's buff at Salisbury.
+
+Mr Pecksniff looked about him for a moment, and then knocked at the
+door of a very dingy edifice, even among the choice collection of dingy
+edifices at hand; on the front of which was a little oval board like
+a tea-tray, with this inscription--'Commercial Boarding-House: M.
+Todgers.'
+
+It seemed that M. Todgers was not up yet, for Mr Pecksniff knocked twice
+and rang thrice, without making any impression on anything but a dog
+over the way. At last a chain and some bolts were withdrawn with a rusty
+noise, as if the weather had made the very fastenings hoarse, and a
+small boy with a large red head, and no nose to speak of, and a very
+dirty Wellington boot on his left arm, appeared; who (being surprised)
+rubbed the nose just mentioned with the back of a shoe-brush, and said
+nothing.
+
+'Still a-bed my man?' asked Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Still a-bed!' replied the boy. 'I wish they wos still a-bed. They're
+very noisy a-bed; all calling for their boots at once. I thought you
+was the Paper, and wondered why you didn't shove yourself through the
+grating as usual. What do you want?'
+
+Considering his years, which were tender, the youth may be said to have
+preferred this question sternly, and in something of a defiant manner.
+But Mr Pecksniff, without taking umbrage at his bearing put a card
+in his hand, and bade him take that upstairs, and show them in the
+meanwhile into a room where there was a fire.
+
+'Or if there's one in the eating parlour,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I can
+find it myself.' So he led his daughters, without waiting for any
+further introduction, into a room on the ground-floor, where a
+table-cloth (rather a tight and scanty fit in reference to the table it
+covered) was already spread for breakfast; displaying a mighty dish of
+pink boiled beef; an instance of that particular style of loaf which
+is known to housekeepers as a slack-baked, crummy quartern; a liberal
+provision of cups and saucers; and the usual appendages.
+
+Inside the fender were some half-dozen pairs of shoes and boots, of
+various sizes, just cleaned and turned with the soles upwards to dry;
+and a pair of short black gaiters, on one of which was chalked--in
+sport, it would appear, by some gentleman who had slipped down for the
+purpose, pending his toilet, and gone up again--'Jinkins's Particular,'
+while the other exhibited a sketch in profile, claiming to be the
+portrait of Jinkins himself.
+
+M. Todgers's Commercial Boarding-House was a house of that sort which is
+likely to be dark at any time; but that morning it was especially dark.
+There was an odd smell in the passage, as if the concentrated essence of
+all the dinners that had been cooked in the kitchen since the house was
+built, lingered at the top of the kitchen stairs to that hour, and like
+the Black Friar in Don Juan, 'wouldn't be driven away.' In particular,
+there was a sensation of cabbage; as if all the greens that had ever
+been boiled there, were evergreens, and flourished in immortal strength.
+The parlour was wainscoted, and communicated to strangers a magnetic
+and instinctive consciousness of rats and mice. The staircase was very
+gloomy and very broad, with balustrades so thick and heavy that they
+would have served for a bridge. In a sombre corner on the first landing,
+stood a gruff old giant of a clock, with a preposterous coronet of three
+brass balls on his head; whom few had ever seen--none ever looked in the
+face--and who seemed to continue his heavy tick for no other reason than
+to warn heedless people from running into him accidentally. It had not
+been papered or painted, hadn't Todgers's, within the memory of man. It
+was very black, begrimed, and mouldy. And, at the top of the staircase,
+was an old, disjointed, rickety, ill-favoured skylight, patched
+and mended in all kinds of ways, which looked distrustfully down at
+everything that passed below, and covered Todgers's up as if it were a
+sort of human cucumber-frame, and only people of a peculiar growth were
+reared there.
+
+Mr Pecksniff and his fair daughters had not stood warming themselves at
+the fire ten minutes, when the sound of feet was heard upon the stairs,
+and the presiding deity of the establishment came hurrying in.
+
+M. Todgers was a lady, rather a bony and hard-featured lady, with a row
+of curls in front of her head, shaped like little barrels of beer;
+and on the top of it something made of net--you couldn't call it a cap
+exactly--which looked like a black cobweb. She had a little basket on
+her arm, and in it a bunch of keys that jingled as she came. In her
+other hand she bore a flaming tallow candle, which, after surveying Mr
+Pecksniff for one instant by its light, she put down upon the table, to
+the end that she might receive him with the greater cordiality.
+
+'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'Welcome to London! Who would have
+thought of such a visit as this, after so--dear, dear!--so many years!
+How do you DO, Mr Pecksniff?'
+
+'As well as ever; and as glad to see you, as ever;' Mr Pecksniff made
+response. 'Why, you are younger than you used to be!'
+
+'YOU are, I am sure!' said Mrs Todgers. 'You're not a bit changed.'
+
+'What do you say to this?' cried Mr Pecksniff, stretching out his hand
+towards the young ladies. 'Does this make me no older?'
+
+'Not your daughters!' exclaimed the lady, raising her hands and clasping
+them. 'Oh, no, Mr Pecksniff! Your second, and her bridesmaid!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff smiled complacently; shook his head; and said, 'My
+daughters, Mrs Todgers. Merely my daughters.'
+
+'Ah!' sighed the good lady, 'I must believe you, for now I look at 'em
+I think I should have known 'em anywhere. My dear Miss Pecksniffs, how
+happy your Pa has made me!'
+
+She hugged them both; and being by this time overpowered by her feelings
+or the inclemency of the morning, jerked a little pocket handkerchief
+out of the little basket, and applied the same to her face.
+
+'Now, my good madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I know the rules of your
+establishment, and that you only receive gentlemen boarders. But
+it occurred to me, when I left home, that perhaps you would give my
+daughters house room, and make an exception in their favour.'
+
+'Perhaps?' cried Mrs Todgers ecstatically. 'Perhaps?'
+
+'I may say then, that I was sure you would,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'I
+know that you have a little room of your own, and that they can be
+comfortable there, without appearing at the general table.'
+
+'Dear girls!' said Mrs Todgers. 'I must take that liberty once more.'
+
+Mrs Todgers meant by this that she must embrace them once more, which
+she accordingly did with great ardour. But the truth was that the house
+being full with the exception of one bed, which would now be occupied
+by Mr Pecksniff, she wanted time for consideration; and so much time too
+(for it was a knotty point how to dispose of them), that even when
+this second embrace was over, she stood for some moments gazing at the
+sisters, with affection beaming in one eye, and calculation shining out
+of the other.
+
+'I think I know how to arrange it,' said Mrs Todgers, at length. 'A sofa
+bedstead in the little third room which opens from my own parlour.--Oh,
+you dear girls!'
+
+Thereupon she embraced them once more, observing that she could not
+decide which was most like their poor mother (which was highly probable,
+seeing that she had never beheld that lady), but that she rather thought
+the youngest was; and then she said that as the gentlemen would be down
+directly, and the ladies were fatigued with travelling, would they step
+into her room at once?
+
+It was on the same floor; being, in fact, the back parlour; and had,
+as Mrs Todgers said, the great advantage (in London) of not being
+overlooked; as they would see when the fog cleared off. Nor was this
+a vainglorious boast, for it commanded at a perspective of two feet,
+a brown wall with a black cistern on the top. The sleeping apartment
+designed for the young ladies was approached from this chamber by a
+mightily convenient little door, which would only open when fallen
+against by a strong person. It commanded from a similar point of sight
+another angle of the wall, and another side of the cistern. 'Not the
+damp side,' said Mrs Todgers. 'THAT is Mr Jinkins's.'
+
+In the first of these sanctuaries a fire was speedily kindled by the
+youthful porter, who, whistling at his work in the absence of Mrs
+Todgers (not to mention his sketching figures on his corduroys with
+burnt firewood), and being afterwards taken by that lady in the fact,
+was dismissed with a box on his ears. Having prepared breakfast for the
+young ladies with her own hands, she withdrew to preside in the other
+room; where the joke at Mr Jinkins's expense seemed to be proceeding
+rather noisily.
+
+'I won't ask you yet, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking in at the
+door, 'how you like London. Shall I?'
+
+'We haven't seen much of it, Pa!' cried Merry.
+
+'Nothing, I hope,' said Cherry. (Both very miserably.)
+
+'Indeed,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that's true. We have our pleasure, and our
+business too, before us. All in good time. All in good time!'
+
+Whether Mr Pecksniff's business in London was as strictly professional
+as he had given his new pupil to understand, we shall see, to adopt that
+worthy man's phraseology, 'all in good time.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER NINE
+
+TOWN AND TODGER'S
+
+
+Surely there never was, in any other borough, city, or hamlet in the
+world, such a singular sort of a place as Todgers's. And surely London,
+to judge from that part of it which hemmed Todgers's round and hustled
+it, and crushed it, and stuck its brick-and-mortar elbows into it, and
+kept the air from it, and stood perpetually between it and the
+light, was worthy of Todgers's, and qualified to be on terms of close
+relationship and alliance with hundreds and thousands of the odd family
+to which Todgers's belonged.
+
+You couldn't walk about Todgers's neighbourhood, as you could in any
+other neighbourhood. You groped your way for an hour through lanes and
+byways, and court-yards, and passages; and you never once emerged upon
+anything that might be reasonably called a street. A kind of resigned
+distraction came over the stranger as he trod those devious mazes, and,
+giving himself up for lost, went in and out and round about and quietly
+turned back again when he came to a dead wall or was stopped by an
+iron railing, and felt that the means of escape might possibly present
+themselves in their own good time, but that to anticipate them was
+hopeless. Instances were known of people who, being asked to dine at
+Todgers's, had travelled round and round for a weary time, with its very
+chimney-pots in view; and finding it, at last, impossible of attainment,
+had gone home again with a gentle melancholy on their spirits,
+tranquil and uncomplaining. Nobody had ever found Todgers's on a verbal
+direction, though given within a few minutes' walk of it. Cautious
+emigrants from Scotland or the North of England had been known to reach
+it safely, by impressing a charity-boy, town-bred, and bringing him
+along with them; or by clinging tenaciously to the postman; but these
+were rare exceptions, and only went to prove the rule that Todgers's was
+in a labyrinth, whereof the mystery was known but to a chosen few.
+
+Several fruit-brokers had their marts near Todgers's; and one of the
+first impressions wrought upon the stranger's senses was of oranges--of
+damaged oranges--with blue and green bruises on them, festering in
+boxes, or mouldering away in cellars. All day long, a stream of porters
+from the wharves beside the river, each bearing on his back a bursting
+chest of oranges, poured slowly through the narrow passages; while
+underneath the archway by the public-house, the knots of those who
+rested and regaled within, were piled from morning until night. Strange
+solitary pumps were found near Todgers's hiding themselves for the most
+part in blind alleys, and keeping company with fire-ladders. There were
+churches also by dozens, with many a ghostly little churchyard, all
+overgrown with such straggling vegetation as springs up spontaneously
+from damp, and graves, and rubbish. In some of these dingy
+resting-places which bore much the same analogy to green churchyards,
+as the pots of earth for mignonette and wall-flower in the windows
+overlooking them did to rustic gardens, there were trees; tall trees;
+still putting forth their leaves in each succeeding year, with such a
+languishing remembrance of their kind (so one might fancy, looking on
+their sickly boughs) as birds in cages have of theirs. Here, paralysed
+old watchmen guarded the bodies of the dead at night, year after year,
+until at last they joined that solemn brotherhood; and, saving that they
+slept below the ground a sounder sleep than even they had ever known
+above it, and were shut up in another kind of box, their condition can
+hardly be said to have undergone any material change when they, in turn,
+were watched themselves.
+
+Among the narrow thoroughfares at hand, there lingered, here and there,
+an ancient doorway of carved oak, from which, of old, the sounds of
+revelry and feasting often came; but now these mansions, only used
+for storehouses, were dark and dull, and, being filled with wool, and
+cotton, and the like--such heavy merchandise as stifles sound and stops
+the throat of echo--had an air of palpable deadness about them which,
+added to their silence and desertion, made them very grim. In like
+manner, there were gloomy courtyards in these parts, into which few but
+belated wayfarers ever strayed, and where vast bags and packs of goods,
+upward or downward bound, were for ever dangling between heaven and
+earth from lofty cranes There were more trucks near Todgers's than
+you would suppose whole city could ever need; not active trucks, but
+a vagabond race, for ever lounging in the narrow lanes before
+their masters' doors and stopping up the pass; so that when a stray
+hackney-coach or lumbering waggon came that way, they were the cause of
+such an uproar as enlivened the whole neighbourhood, and made the bells
+in the next churchtower vibrate again. In the throats and maws of dark
+no-thoroughfares near Todgers's, individual wine-merchants and wholesale
+dealers in grocery-ware had perfect little towns of their own; and, deep
+among the foundations of these buildings, the ground was undermined and
+burrowed out into stables, where cart-horses, troubled by rats, might be
+heard on a quiet Sunday rattling their halters, as disturbed spirits in
+tales of haunted houses are said to clank their chains.
+
+To tell of half the queer old taverns that had a drowsy and secret
+existence near Todgers's, would fill a goodly book; while a second
+volume no less capacious might be devoted to an account of the quaint
+old guests who frequented their dimly lighted parlours. These were, in
+general, ancient inhabitants of that region; born, and bred there from
+boyhood, who had long since become wheezy and asthmatical, and short of
+breath, except in the article of story-telling; in which respect they
+were still marvellously long-winded. These gentry were much opposed to
+steam and all new-fangled ways, and held ballooning to be sinful, and
+deplored the degeneracy of the times; which that particular member
+of each little club who kept the keys of the nearest church,
+professionally, always attributed to the prevalence of dissent and
+irreligion; though the major part of the company inclined to the belief
+that virtue went out with hair-powder, and that Old England's greatness
+had decayed amain with barbers.
+
+As to Todgers's itself--speaking of it only as a house in that
+neighbourhood, and making no reference to its merits as a commercial
+boarding establishment--it was worthy to stand where it did. There was
+one staircase-window in it, at the side of the house, on the ground
+floor; which tradition said had not been opened for a hundred years at
+least, and which, abutting on an always dirty lane, was so begrimed and
+coated with a century's mud, that no one pane of glass could possibly
+fall out, though all were cracked and broken twenty times. But the grand
+mystery of Todgers's was the cellarage, approachable only by a little
+back door and a rusty grating; which cellarage within the memory of man
+had had no connection with the house, but had always been the freehold
+property of somebody else, and was reported to be full of wealth; though
+in what shape--whether in silver, brass, or gold, or butts of wine,
+or casks of gun-powder--was matter of profound uncertainty and supreme
+indifference to Todgers's and all its inmates.
+
+The top of the house was worthy of notice. There was a sort of terrace
+on the roof, with posts and fragments of rotten lines, once intended to
+dry clothes upon; and there were two or three tea-chests out there,
+full of earth, with forgotten plants in them, like old walking-sticks.
+Whoever climbed to this observatory, was stunned at first from having
+knocked his head against the little door in coming out; and after that,
+was for the moment choked from having looked perforce, straight down the
+kitchen chimney; but these two stages over, there were things to gaze
+at from the top of Todgers's, well worth your seeing too. For first
+and foremost, if the day were bright, you observed upon the house-tops,
+stretching far away, a long dark path; the shadow of the Monument; and
+turning round, the tall original was close beside you, with every hair
+erect upon his golden head, as if the doings of the city frightened him.
+Then there were steeples, towers, belfries, shining vanes, and masts of
+ships; a very forest. Gables, housetops, garret-windows, wilderness upon
+wilderness. Smoke and noise enough for all the world at once.
+
+After the first glance, there were slight features in the midst of this
+crowd of objects, which sprung out from the mass without any reason, as
+it were, and took hold of the attention whether the spectator would or
+no. Thus, the revolving chimney-pots on one great stack of buildings
+seemed to be turning gravely to each other every now and then, and
+whispering the result of their separate observation of what was going
+on below. Others, of a crook-backed shape, appeared to be maliciously
+holding themselves askew, that they might shut the prospect out and
+baffle Todgers's. The man who was mending a pen at an upper window over
+the way, became of paramount importance in the scene, and made a blank
+in it, ridiculously disproportionate in its extent, when he retired. The
+gambols of a piece of cloth upon the dyer's pole had far more interest
+for the moment than all the changing motion of the crowd. Yet even while
+the looker-on felt angry with himself for this, and wondered how it was,
+the tumult swelled into a roar; the hosts of objects seemed to thicken
+and expand a hundredfold, and after gazing round him, quite scared, he
+turned into Todgers's again, much more rapidly than he came out; and ten
+to one he told M. Todgers afterwards that if he hadn't done so, he would
+certainly have come into the street by the shortest cut; that is to say,
+head-foremost.
+
+So said the two Miss Pecksniffs, when they retired with Mrs Todgers from
+this place of espial, leaving the youthful porter to close the door
+and follow them downstairs; who, being of a playful temperament, and
+contemplating with a delight peculiar to his sex and time of life, any
+chance of dashing himself into small fragments, lingered behind to walk
+upon the parapet.
+
+It being the second day of their stay in London, the Miss Pecksniffs
+and Mrs Todgers were by this time highly confidential, insomuch that the
+last-named lady had already communicated the particulars of three early
+disappointments of a tender nature; and had furthermore possessed her
+young friends with a general summary of the life, conduct, and character
+of Mr Todgers. Who, it seemed, had cut his matrimonial career rather
+short, by unlawfully running away from his happiness, and establishing
+himself in foreign countries as a bachelor.
+
+'Your pa was once a little particular in his attentions, my dears,' said
+Mrs Todgers, 'but to be your ma was too much happiness denied me. You'd
+hardly know who this was done for, perhaps?'
+
+She called their attention to an oval miniature, like a little blister,
+which was tacked up over the kettle-holder, and in which there was a
+dreamy shadowing forth of her own visage.
+
+'It's a speaking likeness!' cried the two Miss Pecksniffs.
+
+'It was considered so once,' said Mrs Todgers, warming herself in a
+gentlemanly manner at the fire; 'but I hardly thought you would have
+known it, my loves.'
+
+They would have known it anywhere. If they could have met with it in
+the street, or seen it in a shop window, they would have cried 'Good
+gracious! Mrs Todgers!'
+
+'Presiding over an establishment like this, makes sad havoc with the
+features, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said Mrs Todgers. 'The gravy alone,
+is enough to add twenty years to one's age, I do assure you.'
+
+'Lor'!' cried the two Miss Pecksniffs.
+
+'The anxiety of that one item, my dears,' said Mrs Todgers, 'keeps the
+mind continually upon the stretch. There is no such passion in human
+nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen. It's
+nothing to say a joint won't yield--a whole animal wouldn't yield--the
+amount of gravy they expect each day at dinner. And what I have
+undergone in consequence,' cried Mrs Todgers, raising her eyes and
+shaking her head, 'no one would believe!'
+
+'Just like Mr Pinch, Merry!' said Charity. 'We have always noticed it in
+him, you remember?'
+
+'Yes, my dear,' giggled Merry, 'but we have never given it him, you
+know.'
+
+'You, my dears, having to deal with your pa's pupils who can't help
+themselves, are able to take your own way,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but in
+a commercial establishment, where any gentleman may say any Saturday
+evening, "Mrs Todgers, this day week we part, in consequence of the
+cheese," it is not so easy to preserve a pleasant understanding. Your pa
+was kind enough,' added the good lady, 'to invite me to take a ride with
+you to-day; and I think he mentioned that you were going to call upon
+Miss Pinch. Any relation to the gentleman you were speaking of just now,
+Miss Pecksniff?'
+
+'For goodness sake, Mrs Todgers,' interposed the lively Merry, 'don't
+call him a gentleman. My dear Cherry, Pinch a gentleman! The idea!'
+
+'What a wicked girl you are!' cried Mrs Todgers, embracing her with
+great affection. 'You are quite a quiz, I do declare! My dear Miss
+Pecksniff, what a happiness your sister's spirits must be to your pa and
+self!'
+
+'He's the most hideous, goggle-eyed creature, Mrs Todgers, in
+existence,' resumed Merry: 'quite an ogre. The ugliest, awkwardest
+frightfullest being, you can imagine. This is his sister, so I leave you
+to suppose what SHE is. I shall be obliged to laugh outright, I know
+I shall!' cried the charming girl, 'I never shall be able to keep my
+countenance. The notion of a Miss Pinch presuming to exist at all is
+sufficient to kill one, but to see her--oh my stars!'
+
+Mrs Todgers laughed immensely at the dear love's humour, and declared
+she was quite afraid of her, that she was. She was so very severe.
+
+'Who is severe?' cried a voice at the door. 'There is no such thing as
+severity in our family, I hope!' And then Mr Pecksniff peeped smilingly
+into the room, and said, 'May I come in, Mrs Todgers?'
+
+Mrs Todgers almost screamed, for the little door of communication
+between that room and the inner one being wide open, there was a full
+disclosure of the sofa bedstead in all its monstrous impropriety. But
+she had the presence of mind to close this portal in the twinkling of an
+eye; and having done so, said, though not without confusion, 'Oh yes, Mr
+Pecksniff, you can come in, if you please.'
+
+'How are we to-day,' said Mr Pecksniff, jocosely, 'and what are our
+plans? Are we ready to go and see Tom Pinch's sister? Ha, ha, ha! Poor
+Thomas Pinch!'
+
+'Are we ready,' returned Mrs Todgers, nodding her head with mysterious
+intelligence, 'to send a favourable reply to Mr Jinkins's round-robin?
+That's the first question, Mr Pecksniff.'
+
+'Why Mr Jinkins's robin, my dear madam?' asked Mr Pecksniff, putting one
+arm round Mercy, and the other round Mrs Todgers, whom he seemed, in the
+abstraction of the moment, to mistake for Charity. 'Why Mr Jinkins's?'
+
+'Because he began to get it up, and indeed always takes the lead in the
+house,' said Mrs Todgers, playfully. 'That's why, sir.'
+
+'Jinkins is a man of superior talents,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I have
+conceived a great regard for Jinkins. I take Jinkins's desire to pay
+polite attention to my daughters, as an additional proof of the friendly
+feeling of Jinkins, Mrs Todgers.'
+
+'Well now,' returned that lady, 'having said so much, you must say the
+rest, Mr Pecksniff; so tell the dear young ladies all about it.'
+
+With these words she gently eluded Mr Pecksniff's grasp, and took Miss
+Charity into her own embrace; though whether she was impelled to this
+proceeding solely by the irrepressible affection she had conceived for
+that young lady, or whether it had any reference to a lowering, not to
+say distinctly spiteful expression which had been visible in her face
+for some moments, has never been exactly ascertained. Be this as it may,
+Mr Pecksniff went on to inform his daughters of the purport and history
+of the round-robin aforesaid, which was in brief, that the commercial
+gentlemen who helped to make up the sum and substance of that noun of
+multitude signifying many, called Todgers's, desired the honour of their
+presence at the general table, so long as they remained in the house,
+and besought that they would grace the board at dinner-time next
+day, the same being Sunday. He further said, that Mrs Todgers being a
+consenting party to this invitation, he was willing, for his part, to
+accept it; and so left them that he might write his gracious answer, the
+while they armed themselves with their best bonnets for the utter defeat
+and overthrow of Miss Pinch.
+
+Tom Pinch's sister was governess in a family, a lofty family; perhaps
+the wealthiest brass and copper founders' family known to mankind.
+They lived at Camberwell; in a house so big and fierce, that its mere
+outside, like the outside of a giant's castle, struck terror into vulgar
+minds and made bold persons quail. There was a great front gate; with a
+great bell, whose handle was in itself a note of admiration; and a
+great lodge; which being close to the house, rather spoilt the look-out
+certainly but made the look-in tremendous. At this entry, a great porter
+kept constant watch and ward; and when he gave the visitor high leave
+to pass, he rang a second great bell, responsive to whose note a great
+footman appeared in due time at the great halldoor, with such great
+tags upon his liveried shoulder that he was perpetually entangling and
+hooking himself among the chairs and tables, and led a life of torment
+which could scarcely have been surpassed, if he had been a blue-bottle
+in a world of cobwebs.
+
+To this mansion Mr Pecksniff, accompanied by his daughters and Mrs
+Todgers, drove gallantly in a one-horse fly. The foregoing ceremonies
+having been all performed, they were ushered into the house; and so, by
+degrees, they got at last into a small room with books in it, where Mr
+Pinch's sister was at that moment instructing her eldest pupil; to wit,
+a premature little woman of thirteen years old, who had already arrived
+at such a pitch of whalebone and education that she had nothing girlish
+about her, which was a source of great rejoicing to all her relations
+and friends.
+
+'Visitors for Miss Pinch!' said the footman. He must have been
+an ingenious young man, for he said it very cleverly; with a nice
+discrimination between the cold respect with which he would have
+announced visitors to the family, and the warm personal interest with
+which he would have announced visitors to the cook.
+
+'Visitors for Miss Pinch!'
+
+Miss Pinch rose hastily; with such tokens of agitation as plainly
+declared that her list of callers was not numerous. At the same time,
+the little pupil became alarmingly upright, and prepared herself to take
+mental notes of all that might be said and done. For the lady of the
+establishment was curious in the natural history and habits of the
+animal called Governess, and encouraged her daughters to report thereon
+whenever occasion served; which was, in reference to all parties
+concerned, very laudable, improving, and pleasant.
+
+It is a melancholy fact; but it must be related, that Mr Pinch's sister
+was not at all ugly. On the contrary, she had a good face; a very mild
+and prepossessing face; and a pretty little figure--slight and short,
+but remarkable for its neatness. There was something of her brother,
+much of him indeed, in a certain gentleness of manner, and in her look
+of timid trustfulness; but she was so far from being a fright, or
+a dowdy, or a horror, or anything else, predicted by the two Miss
+Pecksniffs, that those young ladies naturally regarded her with great
+indignation, feeling that this was by no means what they had come to
+see.
+
+Miss Mercy, as having the larger share of gaiety, bore up the best
+against this disappointment, and carried it off, in outward show at
+least, with a titter; but her sister, not caring to hide her disdain,
+expressed it pretty openly in her looks. As to Mrs Todgers, she leaned
+on Mr Pecksniff's arm and preserved a kind of genteel grimness, suitable
+to any state of mind, and involving any shade of opinion.
+
+'Don't be alarmed, Miss Pinch,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking her hand
+condescendingly in one of his, and patting it with the other. 'I have
+called to see you, in pursuance of a promise given to your brother,
+Thomas Pinch. My name--compose yourself, Miss Pinch--is Pecksniff.'
+
+The good man emphasised these words as though he would have said, 'You
+see in me, young person, the benefactor of your race; the patron of your
+house; the preserver of your brother, who is fed with manna daily from
+my table; and in right of whom there is a considerable balance in my
+favour at present standing in the books beyond the sky. But I have no
+pride, for I can afford to do without it!'
+
+The poor girl felt it all as if it had been Gospel truth. Her brother
+writing in the fullness of his simple heart, had often told her so, and
+how much more! As Mr Pecksniff ceased to speak, she hung her head, and
+dropped a tear upon his hand.
+
+'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the sharp pupil, 'crying before
+strangers, as if you didn't like the situation!'
+
+'Thomas is well,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and sends his love and this
+letter. I cannot say, poor fellow, that he will ever be distinguished in
+our profession; but he has the will to do well, which is the next thing
+to having the power; and, therefore, we must bear with him. Eh?'
+
+'I know he has the will, sir,' said Tom Pinch's sister, 'and I know how
+kindly and considerately you cherish it, for which neither he nor I can
+ever be grateful enough, as we very often say in writing to each
+other. The young ladies too,' she added, glancing gratefully at his two
+daughters, 'I know how much we owe to them.'
+
+'My dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to them with a smile: 'Thomas's
+sister is saying something you will be glad to hear, I think.'
+
+'We can't take any merit to ourselves, papa!' cried Cherry, as they
+both apprised Tom Pinch's sister, with a curtsey, that they would
+feel obliged if she would keep her distance. 'Mr Pinch's being so well
+provided for is owing to you alone, and we can only say how glad we are
+to hear that he is as grateful as he ought to be.'
+
+'Oh very well, Miss Pinch!' thought the pupil again. 'Got a grateful
+brother, living on other people's kindness!'
+
+'It was very kind of you,' said Tom Pinch's sister, with Tom's own
+simplicity and Tom's own smile, 'to come here; very kind indeed; though
+how great a kindness you have done me in gratifying my wish to see you,
+and to thank you with my own lips, you, who make so light of benefits
+conferred, can scarcely think.'
+
+'Very grateful; very pleasant; very proper,' murmured Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'It makes me happy too,' said Ruth Pinch, who now that her first
+surprise was over, had a chatty, cheerful way with her, and a
+single-hearted desire to look upon the best side of everything, which
+was the very moral and image of Tom; 'very happy to think that you will
+be able to tell him how more than comfortably I am situated here, and
+how unnecessary it is that he should ever waste a regret on my being
+cast upon my own resources. Dear me! So long as I heard that he was
+happy, and he heard that I was,' said Tom's sister, 'we could both bear,
+without one impatient or complaining thought, a great deal more than
+ever we have had to endure, I am very certain.' And if ever the plain
+truth were spoken on this occasionally false earth, Tom's sister spoke
+it when she said that.
+
+'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff whose eyes had in the meantime wandered to the
+pupil; 'certainly. And how do YOU do, my very interesting child?'
+
+'Quite well, I thank you, sir,' replied that frosty innocent.
+
+'A sweet face this, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to his
+daughters. 'A charming manner!'
+
+Both young ladies had been in ecstasies with the scion of a wealthy
+house (through whom the nearest road and shortest cut to her parents
+might be supposed to lie) from the first. Mrs Todgers vowed that
+anything one quarter so angelic she had never seen. 'She wanted but
+a pair of wings, a dear,' said that good woman, 'to be a young
+syrup'--meaning, possibly, young sylph, or seraph.
+
+'If you will give that to your distinguished parents, my amiable little
+friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, producing one of his professional cards,
+'and will say that I and my daughters--'
+
+'And Mrs Todgers, pa,' said Merry.
+
+'And Mrs Todgers, of London,' added Mr Pecksniff; 'that I, and my
+daughters, and Mrs Todgers, of London, did not intrude upon them, as our
+object simply was to take some notice of Miss Pinch, whose brother is a
+young man in my employment; but that I could not leave this very chaste
+mansion, without adding my humble tribute, as an Architect, to
+the correctness and elegance of the owner's taste, and to his just
+appreciation of that beautiful art to the cultivation of which I have
+devoted a life, and to the promotion of whose glory and advancement I
+have sacrified a--a fortune--I shall be very much obliged to you.'
+
+'Missis's compliments to Miss Pinch,' said the footman, suddenly
+appearing, and speaking in exactly the same key as before, 'and begs to
+know wot my young lady is a-learning of just now.'
+
+'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Here is the young man. HE will take the
+card. With my compliments, if you please, young man. My dears, we are
+interrupting the studies. Let us go.'
+
+Some confusion was occasioned for an instant by Mrs Todgers's
+unstrapping her little flat hand-basket, and hurriedly entrusting the
+'young man' with one of her own cards, which, in addition to
+certain detailed information relative to the terms of the commercial
+establishment, bore a foot-note to the effect that M. T. took that
+opportunity of thanking those gentlemen who had honoured her with their
+favours, and begged they would have the goodness, if satisfied with
+the table, to recommend her to their friends. But Mr Pecksniff, with
+admirable presence of mind, recovered this document, and buttoned it up
+in his own pocket.
+
+Then he said to Miss Pinch--with more condescension and kindness than
+ever, for it was desirable the footman should expressly understand that
+they were not friends of hers, but patrons:
+
+'Good morning. Good-bye. God bless you! You may depend upon my continued
+protection of your brother Thomas. Keep your mind quite at ease, Miss
+Pinch!'
+
+'Thank you,' said Tom's sister heartily; 'a thousand times.'
+
+'Not at all,' he retorted, patting her gently on the head. 'Don't
+mention it. You will make me angry if you do. My sweet child'--to the
+pupil--'farewell! That fairy creature,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking in
+his pensive mood hard at the footman, as if he meant him, 'has shed
+a vision on my path, refulgent in its nature, and not easily to be
+obliterated. My dears, are you ready?'
+
+They were not quite ready yet, for they were still caressing the pupil.
+But they tore themselves away at length; and sweeping past Miss Pinch
+with each a haughty inclination of the head and a curtsey strangled in
+its birth, flounced into the passage.
+
+The young man had rather a long job in showing them out; for Mr
+Pecksniff's delight in the tastefulness of the house was such that he
+could not help often stopping (particularly when they were near the
+parlour door) and giving it expression, in a loud voice and very learned
+terms. Indeed, he delivered, between the study and the hall, a
+familiar exposition of the whole science of architecture as applied to
+dwelling-houses, and was yet in the freshness of his eloquence when they
+reached the garden.
+
+'If you look,' said Mr Pecksniff, backing from the steps, with his head
+on one side and his eyes half-shut that he might the better take in
+the proportions of the exterior: 'If you look, my dears, at the cornice
+which supports the roof, and observe the airiness of its construction,
+especially where it sweeps the southern angle of the building, you will
+feel with me--How do you do, sir? I hope you're well?'
+
+Interrupting himself with these words, he very politely bowed to a
+middle-aged gentleman at an upper window, to whom he spoke--not because
+the gentleman could hear him (for he certainly could not), but as an
+appropriate accompaniment to his salutation.
+
+'I have no doubt, my dears,' said Mr Pecksniff, feigning to point out
+other beauties with his hand, 'that this is the proprietor. I should be
+glad to know him. It might lead to something. Is he looking this way,
+Charity?'
+
+'He is opening the window pa!'
+
+'Ha, ha!' cried Mr Pecksniff softly. 'All right! He has found I'm
+professional. He heard me inside just now, I have no doubt. Don't look!
+With regard to the fluted pillars in the portico, my dears--'
+
+'Hallo!' cried the gentleman.
+
+'Sir, your servant!' said Mr Pecksniff, taking off his hat. 'I am proud
+to make your acquaintance.'
+
+'Come off the grass, will you!' roared the gentleman.
+
+'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, doubtful of his having
+heard aright. 'Did you--?'
+
+'Come off the grass!' repeated the gentleman, warmly.
+
+'We are unwilling to intrude, sir,' Mr Pecksniff smilingly began.
+
+'But you ARE intruding,' returned the other, 'unwarrantably intruding.
+Trespassing. You see a gravel walk, don't you? What do you think it's
+meant for? Open the gate there! Show that party out!'
+
+With that he clapped down the window again, and disappeared.
+
+Mr Pecksniff put on his hat, and walked with great deliberation and in
+profound silence to the fly, gazing at the clouds as he went, with
+great interest. After helping his daughters and Mrs Todgers into that
+conveyance, he stood looking at it for some moments, as if he were not
+quite certain whether it was a carriage or a temple; but having settled
+this point in his mind, he got into his place, spread his hands out on
+his knees, and smiled upon the three beholders.
+
+But his daughters, less tranquil-minded, burst into a torrent of
+indignation. This came, they said, of cherishing such creatures as the
+Pinches. This came of lowering themselves to their level. This came of
+putting themselves in the humiliating position of seeming to know such
+bold, audacious, cunning, dreadful girls as that. They had expected
+this. They had predicted it to Mrs Todgers, as she (Todgers) could
+depone, that very morning. To this, they added, that the owner of the
+house, supposing them to be Miss Pinch's friends, had acted, in
+their opinion, quite correctly, and had done no more than, under such
+circumstances, might reasonably have been expected. To that they added
+(with a trifling inconsistency), that he was a brute and a bear; and
+then they merged into a flood of tears, which swept away all wandering
+epithets before it.
+
+Perhaps Miss Pinch was scarcely so much to blame in the matter as the
+Seraph, who, immediately on the withdrawal of the visitors, had hastened
+to report them at head-quarters, with a full account of their having
+presumptuously charged her with the delivery of a message afterwards
+consigned to the footman; which outrage, taken in conjunction with Mr
+Pecksniff's unobtrusive remarks on the establishment, might possibly
+have had some share in their dismissal. Poor Miss Pinch, however, had to
+bear the brunt of it with both parties; being so severely taken to task
+by the Seraph's mother for having such vulgar acquaintances, that
+she was fain to retire to her own room in tears, which her natural
+cheerfulness and submission, and the delight of having seen Mr
+Pecksniff, and having received a letter from her brother, were at first
+insufficient to repress.
+
+As to Mr Pecksniff, he told them in the fly, that a good action was its
+own reward; and rather gave them to understand, that if he could have
+been kicked in such a cause, he would have liked it all the better. But
+this was no comfort to the young ladies, who scolded violently the whole
+way back, and even exhibited, more than once, a keen desire to attack
+the devoted Mrs Todgers; on whose personal appearance, but particularly
+on whose offending card and hand-basket, they were secretly inclined to
+lay the blame of half their failure.
+
+Todgers's was in a great bustle that evening, partly owing to some
+additional domestic preparations for the morrow, and partly to the
+excitement always inseparable in that house from Saturday night, when
+every gentleman's linen arrived at a different hour in its own little
+bundle, with his private account pinned on the outside. There was always
+a great clinking of pattens downstairs, too, until midnight or so, on
+Saturdays; together with a frequent gleaming of mysterious lights in
+the area; much working at the pump; and a constant jangling of the iron
+handle of the pail. Shrill altercations from time to time arose between
+Mrs Todgers and unknown females in remote back kitchens; and sounds were
+occasionally heard, indicative of small articles of iron mongery and
+hardware being thrown at the boy. It was the custom of that youth on
+Saturdays, to roll up his shirt sleeves to his shoulders, and pervade
+all parts of the house in an apron of coarse green baize; moreover, he
+was more strongly tempted on Saturdays than on other days (it being a
+busy time), to make excursive bolts into the neighbouring alleys when he
+answered the door, and there to play at leap-frog and other sports with
+vagrant lads, until pursued and brought back by the hair of his head or
+the lobe of his ear; thus he was quite a conspicuous feature among the
+peculiar incidents of the last day in the week at Todgers's.
+
+He was especially so on this particular Saturday evening, and honoured
+the Miss Pecksniffs with a deal of notice; seldom passing the door
+of Mrs Todgers's private room, where they sat alone before the fire,
+working by the light of a solitary candle, without putting in his head
+and greeting them with some such compliments as, 'There you are agin!'
+'An't it nice?'--and similar humorous attentions.
+
+'I say,' he whispered, stopping in one of his journeys to and fro,
+'young ladies, there's soup to-morrow. She's a-making it now. An't she
+a-putting in the water? Oh! not at all neither!'
+
+In the course of answering another knock, he thrust in his head again.
+
+'I say! There's fowls to-morrow. Not skinny ones. Oh no!'
+
+Presently he called through the key-hole:
+
+'There's a fish to-morrow. Just come. Don't eat none of him!' And, with
+this special warning, vanished again.
+
+By-and-bye, he returned to lay the cloth for supper; it having been
+arranged between Mrs Todgers and the young ladies, that they should
+partake of an exclusive veal-cutlet together in the privacy of that
+apartment. He entertained them on this occasion by thrusting the
+lighted candle into his mouth, and exhibiting his face in a state of
+transparency; after the performance of which feat, he went on with his
+professional duties; brightening every knife as he laid it on the table,
+by breathing on the blade and afterwards polishing the same on the apron
+already mentioned. When he had completed his preparations, he grinned
+at the sisters, and expressed his belief that the approaching collation
+would be of 'rather a spicy sort.'
+
+'Will it be long, before it's ready, Bailey?' asked Mercy.
+
+'No,' said Bailey, 'it IS cooked. When I come up, she was dodging among
+the tender pieces with a fork, and eating of 'em.'
+
+But he had scarcely achieved the utterance of these words, when he
+received a manual compliment on the head, which sent him staggering
+against the wall; and Mrs Todgers, dish in hand, stood indignantly
+before him.
+
+'Oh you little villain!' said that lady. 'Oh you bad, false boy!'
+
+'No worse than yerself,' retorted Bailey, guarding his head, on a
+principle invented by Mr Thomas Cribb. 'Ah! Come now! Do that again,
+will yer?'
+
+'He's the most dreadful child,' said Mrs Todgers, setting down the dish,
+'I ever had to deal with. The gentlemen spoil him to that extent, and
+teach him such things, that I'm afraid nothing but hanging will ever do
+him any good.'
+
+'Won't it!' cried Bailey. 'Oh! Yes! Wot do you go a-lowerin the
+table-beer for then, and destroying my constitooshun?'
+
+'Go downstairs, you vicious boy,' said Mrs Todgers, holding the door
+open. 'Do you hear me? Go along!'
+
+After two or three dexterous feints, he went, and was seen no more that
+night, save once, when he brought up some tumblers and hot water, and
+much disturbed the two Miss Pecksniffs by squinting hideously behind
+the back of the unconscious Mrs Todgers. Having done this justice to his
+wounded feelings, he retired underground; where, in company with a swarm
+of black beetles and a kitchen candle, he employed his faculties in
+cleaning boots and brushing clothes until the night was far advanced.
+
+Benjamin was supposed to be the real name of this young retainer but he
+was known by a great variety of names. Benjamin, for instance, had been
+converted into Uncle Ben, and that again had been corrupted into Uncle;
+which, by an easy transition, had again passed into Barnwell, in memory
+of the celebrated relative in that degree who was shot by his nephew
+George, while meditating in his garden at Camberwell. The gentlemen at
+Todgers's had a merry habit, too, of bestowing upon him, for the time
+being, the name of any notorious malefactor or minister; and sometimes
+when current events were flat they even sought the pages of history for
+these distinctions; as Mr Pitt, Young Brownrigg, and the like. At the
+period of which we write, he was generally known among the gentlemen as
+Bailey junior; a name bestowed upon him in contradistinction, perhaps,
+to Old Bailey; and possibly as involving the recollection of an
+unfortunate lady of the same name, who perished by her own hand early in
+life, and has been immortalised in a ballad.
+
+The usual Sunday dinner-hour at Todgers's was two o'clock--a suitable
+time, it was considered for all parties; convenient to Mrs Todgers, on
+account of the bakers; and convenient to the gentlemen with reference
+to their afternoon engagements. But on the Sunday which was to introduce
+the two Miss Pecksniffs to a full knowledge of Todgers's and its
+society, the dinner was postponed until five, in order that everything
+might be as genteel as the occasion demanded.
+
+When the hour drew nigh, Bailey junior, testifying great excitement,
+appeared in a complete suit of cast-off clothes several sizes too large
+for him, and in particular, mounted a clean shirt of such extraordinary
+magnitude, that one of the gentlemen (remarkable for his ready wit)
+called him 'collars' on the spot. At about a quarter before five, a
+deputation, consisting of Mr Jinkins, and another gentleman, whose
+name was Gander, knocked at the door of Mrs Todgers's room, and, being
+formally introduced to the two Miss Pecksniffs by their parent who was
+in waiting, besought the honour of conducting them upstairs.
+
+The drawing-room at Todgers's was out of the common style; so much so
+indeed, that you would hardly have taken it to be a drawingroom, unless
+you were told so by somebody who was in the secret. It was floor-clothed
+all over; and the ceiling, including a great beam in the middle,
+was papered. Besides the three little windows, with seats in them,
+commanding the opposite archway, there was another window looking point
+blank, without any compromise at all about it into Jinkins's bedroom;
+and high up, all along one side of the wall was a strip of panes of
+glass, two-deep, giving light to the staircase. There were the oddest
+closets possible, with little casements in them like eight-day clocks,
+lurking in the wainscot and taking the shape of the stairs; and the very
+door itself (which was painted black) had two great glass eyes in its
+forehead, with an inquisitive green pupil in the middle of each.
+
+Here the gentlemen were all assembled. There was a general cry of 'Hear,
+hear!' and 'Bravo Jink!' when Mr Jinkins appeared with Charity on his
+arm; which became quite rapturous as Mr Gander followed, escorting
+Mercy, and Mr Pecksniff brought up the rear with Mrs Todgers.
+
+Then the presentations took place. They included a gentleman of a
+sporting turn, who propounded questions on jockey subjects to the
+editors of Sunday papers, which were regarded by his friends as rather
+stiff things to answer; and they included a gentleman of a theatrical
+turn, who had once entertained serious thoughts of 'coming out,' but
+had been kept in by the wickedness of human nature; and they included
+a gentleman of a debating turn, who was strong at speech-making; and a
+gentleman of a literary turn, who wrote squibs upon the rest, and
+knew the weak side of everybody's character but his own. There was a
+gentleman of a vocal turn, and a gentleman of a smoking turn, and a
+gentleman of a convivial turn; some of the gentlemen had a turn for
+whist, and a large proportion of the gentlemen had a strong turn for
+billiards and betting. They had all, it may be presumed, a turn for
+business; being all commercially employed in one way or other; and
+had, every one in his own way, a decided turn for pleasure to boot. Mr
+Jinkins was of a fashionable turn; being a regular frequenter of the
+Parks on Sundays, and knowing a great many carriages by sight. He spoke
+mysteriously, too, of splendid women, and was suspected of having once
+committed himself with a Countess. Mr Gander was of a witty turn being
+indeed the gentleman who had originated the sally about 'collars;' which
+sparkling pleasantry was now retailed from mouth to mouth, under the
+title of Gander's Last, and was received in all parts of the room with
+great applause. Mr Jinkins it may be added, was much the oldest of
+the party; being a fish-salesman's book-keeper, aged forty. He was the
+oldest boarder also; and in right of his double seniority, took the lead
+in the house, as Mrs Todgers had already said.
+
+There was considerable delay in the production of dinner, and poor Mrs
+Todgers, being reproached in confidence by Jinkins, slipped in and out,
+at least twenty times to see about it; always coming back as though she
+had no such thing upon her mind, and hadn't been out at all. But there
+was no hitch in the conversation nevertheless; for one gentleman, who
+travelled in the perfumery line, exhibited an interesting nick-nack,
+in the way of a remarkable cake of shaving soap which he had lately
+met with in Germany; and the gentleman of a literary turn repeated (by
+desire) some sarcastic stanzas he had recently produced on the freezing
+of the tank at the back of the house. These amusements, with the
+miscellaneous conversation arising out of them, passed the time
+splendidly, until dinner was announced by Bailey junior in these terms:
+
+'The wittles is up!'
+
+On which notice they immediately descended to the banquet-hall; some of
+the more facetious spirits in the rear taking down gentlemen as if they
+were ladies, in imitation of the fortunate possessors of the two Miss
+Pecksniffs.
+
+Mr Pecksniff said grace--a short and pious grace, involving a blessing
+on the appetites of those present, and committing all persons who had
+nothing to eat, to the care of Providence; whose business (so said the
+grace, in effect) it clearly was, to look after them. This done, they
+fell to with less ceremony than appetite; the table groaning beneath the
+weight, not only of the delicacies whereof the Miss Pecksniffs had been
+previously forewarned, but of boiled beef, roast veal, bacon, pies
+and abundance of such heavy vegetables as are favourably known to
+housekeepers for their satisfying qualities. Besides which, there were
+bottles of stout, bottles of wine, bottles of ale, and divers other
+strong drinks, native and foreign.
+
+All this was highly agreeable to the two Miss Pecksniffs, who were in
+immense request; sitting one on either hand of Mr Jinkins at the bottom
+of the table; and who were called upon to take wine with some new
+admirer every minute. They had hardly ever felt so pleasant, and so full
+of conversation, in their lives; Mercy, in particular, was uncommonly
+brilliant, and said so many good things in the way of lively repartee
+that she was looked upon as a prodigy. 'In short,' as that young lady
+observed, 'they felt now, indeed, that they were in London, and for the
+first time too.'
+
+Their young friend Bailey sympathized in these feelings to the
+fullest extent, and, abating nothing of his patronage, gave them every
+encouragement in his power; favouring them, when the general attention
+was diverted from his proceedings, with many nods and winks and other
+tokens of recognition, and occasionally touching his nose with a
+corkscrew, as if to express the Bacchanalian character of the meeting.
+In truth, perhaps even the spirits of the two Miss Pecksniffs, and the
+hungry watchfulness of Mrs Todgers, were less worthy of note than the
+proceedings of this remarkable boy, whom nothing disconcerted or put out
+of his way. If any piece of crockery, a dish or otherwise, chanced to
+slip through his hands (which happened once or twice), he let it go with
+perfect good breeding, and never added to the painful emotions of the
+company by exhibiting the least regret. Nor did he, by hurrying to and
+fro, disturb the repose of the assembly, as many well-trained servants
+do; on the contrary, feeling the hopelessness of waiting upon so large a
+party, he left the gentlemen to help themselves to what they wanted, and
+seldom stirred from behind Mr Jinkins's chair, where, with his hands
+in his pockets, and his legs planted pretty wide apart, he led the
+laughter, and enjoyed the conversation.
+
+The dessert was splendid. No waiting either. The pudding-plates had been
+washed in a little tub outside the door while cheese was on, and though
+they were moist and warm with friction, still there they were again,
+up to the mark, and true to time. Quarts of almonds; dozens of oranges;
+pounds of raisins; stacks of biffins; soup-plates full of nuts.--Oh,
+Todgers's could do it when it chose! mind that.
+
+Then more wine came on; red wines and white wines; and a large china
+bowl of punch, brewed by the gentleman of a convivial turn, who adjured
+the Miss Pecksniffs not to be despondent on account of its dimensions,
+as there were materials in the house for the decoction of half a dozen
+more of the same size. Good gracious, how they laughed! How they coughed
+when they sipped it, because it was so strong; and how they laughed
+again when somebody vowed that but for its colour it might have been
+mistaken, in regard of its innocuous qualities, for new milk! What a
+shout of 'No!' burst from the gentlemen when they pathetically implored
+Mr Jinkins to suffer them to qualify it with hot water; and how
+blushingly, by little and little, did each of them drink her whole
+glassful, down to its very dregs!
+
+Now comes the trying time. The sun, as Mr Jinkins says (gentlemanly
+creature, Jinkins--never at a loss!), is about to leave the firmament.
+'Miss Pecksniff!' says Mrs Todgers, softly, 'will you--?' 'Oh dear, no
+more, Mrs Todgers.' Mrs Todgers rises; the two Miss Pecksniffs rise; all
+rise. Miss Mercy Pecksniff looks downward for her scarf. Where is it?
+Dear me, where CAN it be? Sweet girl, she has it on; not on her fair
+neck, but loose upon her flowing figure. A dozen hands assist her. She
+is all confusion. The youngest gentleman in company thirsts to murder
+Jinkins. She skips and joins her sister at the door. Her sister has her
+arm about the waist of Mrs Todgers. She winds her arm around her sister.
+Diana, what a picture! The last things visible are a shape and a skip.
+'Gentlemen, let us drink the ladies!'
+
+The enthusiasm is tremendous. The gentleman of a debating turn rises in
+the midst, and suddenly lets loose a tide of eloquence which bears down
+everything before it. He is reminded of a toast--a toast to which they
+will respond. There is an individual present; he has him in his eye; to
+whom they owe a debt of gratitude. He repeats it--a debt of gratitude.
+Their rugged natures have been softened and ameliorated that day, by
+the society of lovely woman. There is a gentleman in company whom two
+accomplished and delightful females regard with veneration, as the
+fountain of their existence. Yes, when yet the two Miss Pecksniffs
+lisped in language scarce intelligible, they called that individual
+'Father!' There is great applause. He gives them 'Mr Pecksniff, and God
+bless him!' They all shake hands with Mr Pecksniff, as they drink the
+toast. The youngest gentleman in company does so with a thrill; for he
+feels that a mysterious influence pervades the man who claims that being
+in the pink scarf for his daughter.
+
+What saith Mr Pecksniff in reply? Or rather let the question be, What
+leaves he unsaid? Nothing. More punch is called for, and produced, and
+drunk. Enthusiasm mounts still higher. Every man comes out freely in
+his own character. The gentleman of a theatrical turn recites. The vocal
+gentleman regales them with a song. Gander leaves the Gander of all
+former feasts whole leagues behind. HE rises to propose a toast. It is,
+The Father of Todgers's. It is their common friend Jink--it is old
+Jink, if he may call him by that familiar and endearing appellation. The
+youngest gentleman in company utters a frantic negative. He won't
+have it--he can't bear it--it mustn't be. But his depth of feeling is
+misunderstood. He is supposed to be a little elevated; and nobody heeds
+him.
+
+Mr Jinkins thanks them from his heart. It is, by many degrees, the
+proudest day in his humble career. When he looks around him on the
+present occasion, he feels that he wants words in which to express
+his gratitude. One thing he will say. He hopes it has been shown that
+Todgers's can be true to itself; and that, an opportunity arising, it
+can come out quite as strong as its neighbours--perhaps stronger. He
+reminds them, amidst thunders of encouragement, that they have heard of
+a somewhat similar establishment in Cannon Street; and that they have
+heard it praised. He wishes to draw no invidious comparisons; he would
+be the last man to do it; but when that Cannon Street establishment
+shall be able to produce such a combination of wit and beauty as has
+graced that board that day, and shall be able to serve up (all things
+considered) such a dinner as that of which they have just partaken, he
+will be happy to talk to it. Until then, gentlemen, he will stick to
+Todgers's.
+
+More punch, more enthusiasm, more speeches. Everybody's health is drunk,
+saving the youngest gentleman's in company. He sits apart, with his
+elbow on the back of a vacant chair, and glares disdainfully at Jinkins.
+Gander, in a convulsing speech, gives them the health of Bailey junior;
+hiccups are heard; and a glass is broken. Mr Jinkins feels that it is
+time to join the ladies. He proposes, as a final sentiment, Mrs Todgers.
+She is worthy to be remembered separately. Hear, hear. So she is; no
+doubt of it. They all find fault with her at other times; but every man
+feels now, that he could die in her defence.
+
+They go upstairs, where they are not expected so soon; for Mrs Todgers
+is asleep, Miss Charity is adjusting her hair, and Mercy, who has made
+a sofa of one of the window-seats is in a gracefully recumbent attitude.
+She is rising hastily, when Mr Jinkins implores her, for all their
+sakes, not to stir; she looks too graceful and too lovely, he remarks,
+to be disturbed. She laughs, and yields, and fans herself, and drops
+her fan, and there is a rush to pick it up. Being now installed, by one
+consent, as the beauty of the party, she is cruel and capricious, and
+sends gentlemen on messages to other gentlemen, and forgets all about
+them before they can return with the answer, and invents a thousand
+tortures, rending their hearts to pieces. Bailey brings up the tea and
+coffee. There is a small cluster of admirers round Charity; but they
+are only those who cannot get near her sister. The youngest gentleman
+in company is pale, but collected, and still sits apart; for his spirit
+loves to hold communion with itself, and his soul recoils from noisy
+revellers. She has a consciousness of his presence and adoration.
+He sees it flashing sometimes in the corner of her eye. Have a care,
+Jinkins, ere you provoke a desperate man to frenzy!
+
+Mr Pecksniff had followed his younger friends upstairs, and taken a
+chair at the side of Mrs Todgers. He had also spilt a cup of coffee over
+his legs without appearing to be aware of the circumstance; nor did he
+seem to know that there was muffin on his knee.
+
+'And how have they used you downstairs, sir?' asked the hostess.
+
+'Their conduct has been such, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'as I
+can never think of without emotion, or remember without a tear. Oh, Mrs
+Todgers!'
+
+'My goodness!' exclaimed that lady. 'How low you are in your spirits,
+sir!'
+
+'I am a man, my dear madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears and
+speaking with an imperfect articulation, 'but I am also a father. I
+am also a widower. My feelings, Mrs Todgers, will not consent to be
+entirely smothered, like the young children in the Tower. They are grown
+up, and the more I press the bolster on them, the more they look round
+the corner of it.'
+
+He suddenly became conscious of the bit of muffin, and stared at it
+intently; shaking his head the while, in a forlorn and imbecile manner,
+as if he regarded it as his evil genius, and mildly reproached it.
+
+'She was beautiful, Mrs Todgers,' he said, turning his glazed eye
+again upon her, without the least preliminary notice. 'She had a small
+property.'
+
+'So I have heard,' cried Mrs Todgers with great sympathy.
+
+'Those are her daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, pointing out the young
+ladies, with increased emotion.
+
+Mrs Todgers had no doubt about it.
+
+'Mercy and Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'Charity and Mercy. Not unholy
+names, I hope?'
+
+'Mr Pecksniff!' cried Mrs Todgers. 'What a ghastly smile! Are you ill,
+sir?'
+
+He pressed his hand upon her arm, and answered in a solemn manner, and a
+faint voice, 'Chronic.'
+
+'Cholic?' cried the frightened Mrs Todgers.
+
+'Chron-ic,' he repeated with some difficulty. 'Chron-ic. A chronic
+disorder. I have been its victim from childhood. It is carrying me to my
+grave.'
+
+'Heaven forbid!' cried Mrs Todgers.
+
+'Yes, it is,' said Mr Pecksniff, reckless with despair. 'I am rather
+glad of it, upon the whole. You are like her, Mrs Todgers.'
+
+'Don't squeeze me so tight, pray, Mr Pecksniff. If any of the gentlemen
+should notice us.'
+
+'For her sake,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Permit me--in honour of her memory.
+For the sake of a voice from the tomb. You are VERY like her Mrs
+Todgers! What a world this is!'
+
+'Ah! Indeed you may say that!' cried Mrs Todgers.
+
+'I'm afraid it is a vain and thoughtless world,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+overflowing with despondency. 'These young people about us. Oh! what
+sense have they of their responsibilities? None. Give me your other
+hand, Mrs Todgers.'
+
+The lady hesitated, and said 'she didn't like.'
+
+'Has a voice from the grave no influence?' said Mr Pecksniff, with,
+dismal tenderness. 'This is irreligious! My dear creature.'
+
+'Hush!' urged Mrs Todgers. 'Really you mustn't.'
+
+'It's not me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't suppose it's me; it's the
+voice; it's her voice.'
+
+Mrs Pecksniff deceased, must have had an unusually thick and husky voice
+for a lady, and rather a stuttering voice, and to say the truth somewhat
+of a drunken voice, if it had ever borne much resemblance to that in
+which Mr Pecksniff spoke just then. But perhaps this was delusion on his
+part.
+
+'It has been a day of enjoyment, Mrs Todgers, but still it has been a
+day of torture. It has reminded me of my loneliness. What am I in the
+world?'
+
+'An excellent gentleman, Mr Pecksniff,' said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'There is consolation in that too,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Am I?'
+
+'There is no better man living,' said Mrs Todgers, 'I am sure.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff smiled through his tears, and slightly shook his head. 'You
+are very good,' he said, 'thank you. It is a great happiness to me, Mrs
+Todgers, to make young people happy. The happiness of my pupils is my
+chief object. I dote upon 'em. They dote upon me too--sometimes.'
+
+'Always,' said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'When they say they haven't improved, ma'am,' whispered Mr Pecksniff,
+looking at her with profound mystery, and motioning to her to advance
+her ear a little closer to his mouth. 'When they say they haven't
+improved, ma'am, and the premium was too high, they lie! I shouldn't
+wish it to be mentioned; you will understand me; but I say to you as to
+an old friend, they lie.'
+
+'Base wretches they must be!' said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'Madam,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you are right. I respect you for that
+observation. A word in your ear. To Parents and Guardians. This is in
+confidence, Mrs Todgers?'
+
+'The strictest, of course!' cried that lady.
+
+'To Parents and Guardians,' repeated Mr Pecksniff. 'An eligible
+opportunity now offers, which unites the advantages of the best
+practical architectural education with the comforts of a home, and the
+constant association with some, who, however humble their sphere and
+limited their capacity--observe!--are not unmindful of their moral
+responsibilities.'
+
+Mrs Todgers looked a little puzzled to know what this might mean, as
+well she might; for it was, as the reader may perchance remember, Mr
+Pecksniff's usual form of advertisement when he wanted a pupil; and
+seemed to have no particular reference, at present, to anything. But Mr
+Pecksniff held up his finger as a caution to her not to interrupt him.
+
+'Do you know any parent or guardian, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+'who desires to avail himself of such an opportunity for a young
+gentleman? An orphan would be preferred. Do you know of any orphan with
+three or four hundred pound?'
+
+Mrs Todgers reflected, and shook her head.
+
+'When you hear of an orphan with three or four hundred pound,' said Mr
+Pecksniff, 'let that dear orphan's friends apply, by letter post-paid,
+to S. P., Post Office, Salisbury. I don't know who he is exactly. Don't
+be alarmed, Mrs Todgers,' said Mr Pecksniff, falling heavily against
+her; 'Chronic--chronic! Let's have a little drop of something to drink.'
+
+'Bless my life, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried Mrs Todgers, aloud, 'your dear
+pa's took very poorly!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff straightened himself by a surprising effort, as every
+one turned hastily towards him; and standing on his feet, regarded the
+assembly with a look of ineffable wisdom. Gradually it gave place to
+a smile; a feeble, helpless, melancholy smile; bland, almost to
+sickliness. 'Do not repine, my friends,' said Mr Pecksniff, tenderly.
+'Do not weep for me. It is chronic.' And with these words, after making
+a futile attempt to pull off his shoes, he fell into the fireplace.
+
+The youngest gentleman in company had him out in a second. Yes, before a
+hair upon his head was singed, he had him on the hearth-rug--her father!
+
+She was almost beside herself. So was her sister. Jinkins consoled them
+both. They all consoled them. Everybody had something to say, except the
+youngest gentleman in company, who with a noble self-devotion did the
+heavy work, and held up Mr Pecksniff's head without being taken notice
+of by anybody. At last they gathered round, and agreed to carry him
+upstairs to bed. The youngest gentleman in company was rebuked by
+Jinkins for tearing Mr Pecksniff's coat! Ha, ha! But no matter.
+
+They carried him upstairs, and crushed the youngest gentleman at every
+step. His bedroom was at the top of the house, and it was a long way;
+but they got him there in course of time. He asked them frequently
+on the road for a little drop of something to drink. It seemed an
+idiosyncrasy. The youngest gentleman in company proposed a draught of
+water. Mr Pecksniff called him opprobious names for the suggestion.
+
+Jinkins and Gander took the rest upon themselves, and made him as
+comfortable as they could, on the outside of his bed; and when he seemed
+disposed to sleep, they left him. But before they had all gained the
+bottom of the staircase, a vision of Mr Pecksniff, strangely attired,
+was seen to flutter on the top landing. He desired to collect their
+sentiments, it seemed, upon the nature of human life.
+
+'My friends,' cried Mr Pecksniff, looking over the banisters, 'let us
+improve our minds by mutual inquiry and discussion. Let us be moral. Let
+us contemplate existence. Where is Jinkins?'
+
+'Here,' cried that gentleman. 'Go to bed again'
+
+'To bed!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Bed! 'Tis the voice of the sluggard, I
+hear him complain, you have woke me too soon, I must slumber again. If
+any young orphan will repeat the remainder of that simple piece from
+Doctor Watts's collection, an eligible opportunity now offers.'
+
+Nobody volunteered.
+
+'This is very soothing,' said Mr Pecksniff, after a pause. 'Extremely
+so. Cool and refreshing; particularly to the legs! The legs of the
+human subject, my friends, are a beautiful production. Compare them with
+wooden legs, and observe the difference between the anatomy of nature
+and the anatomy of art. Do you know,' said Mr Pecksniff, leaning over
+the banisters, with an odd recollection of his familiar manner among
+new pupils at home, 'that I should very much like to see Mrs Todgers's
+notion of a wooden leg, if perfectly agreeable to herself!'
+
+As it appeared impossible to entertain any reasonable hopes of him after
+this speech, Mr Jinkins and Mr Gander went upstairs again, and once more
+got him into bed. But they had not descended to the second floor before
+he was out again; nor, when they had repeated the process, had they
+descended the first flight, before he was out again. In a word, as often
+as he was shut up in his own room, he darted out afresh, charged
+with some new moral sentiment, which he continually repeated over the
+banisters, with extraordinary relish, and an irrepressible desire for
+the improvement of his fellow creatures that nothing could subdue.
+
+Under these circumstances, when they had got him into bed for the
+thirtieth time or so, Mr Jinkins held him, while his companion went
+downstairs in search of Bailey junior, with whom he presently returned.
+That youth having been apprised of the service required of him, was in
+great spirits, and brought up a stool, a candle, and his supper; to the
+end that he might keep watch outside the bedroom door with tolerable
+comfort.
+
+When he had completed his arrangements, they locked Mr Pecksniff in,
+and left the key on the outside; charging the young page to listen
+attentively for symptoms of an apoplectic nature, with which the patient
+might be troubled, and, in case of any such presenting themselves, to
+summon them without delay. To which Mr Bailey modestly replied that
+'he hoped he knowed wot o'clock it wos in gineral, and didn't date his
+letters to his friends from Todgers's for nothing.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TEN
+
+CONTAINING STRANGE MATTER, ON WHICH MANY EVENTS IN THIS HISTORY MAY, FOR
+THEIR GOOD OR EVIL INFLUENCE, CHIEFLY DEPEND
+
+
+But Mr Pecksniff came to town on business. Had he forgotten that? Was he
+always taking his pleasure with Todgers's jovial brood, unmindful of the
+serious demands, whatever they might be, upon his calm consideration?
+No.
+
+Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men have to
+wait for time and tide. That tide which, taken at the flood, would lead
+Seth Pecksniff on to fortune, was marked down in the table, and about to
+flow. No idle Pecksniff lingered far inland, unmindful of the changes
+of the stream; but there, upon the water's edge, over his shoes already,
+stood the worthy creature, prepared to wallow in the very mud, so that
+it slid towards the quarter of his hope.
+
+The trustfulness of his two fair daughters was beautiful indeed. They
+had that firm reliance on their parent's nature, which taught them to
+feel certain that in all he did he had his purpose straight and full
+before him. And that its noble end and object was himself, which almost
+of necessity included them, they knew. The devotion of these maids was
+perfect.
+
+Their filial confidence was rendered the more touching, by their having
+no knowledge of their parent's real designs, in the present instance.
+All that they knew of his proceedings was, that every morning, after
+the early breakfast, he repaired to the post office and inquired for
+letters. That task performed, his business for the day was over; and he
+again relaxed, until the rising of another sun proclaimed the advent of
+another post.
+
+This went on for four or five days. At length, one morning, Mr Pecksniff
+returned with a breathless rapidity, strange to observe in him, at other
+times so calm; and, seeking immediate speech with his daughters, shut
+himself up with them in private conference for two whole hours. Of all
+that passed in this period, only the following words of Mr Pecksniff's
+utterance are known:
+
+'How he has come to change so very much (if it should turn out as I
+expect, that he has), we needn't stop to inquire. My dears, I have my
+thoughts upon the subject, but I will not impart them. It is enough
+that we will not be proud, resentful, or unforgiving. If he wants our
+friendship he shall have it. We know our duty, I hope!'
+
+That same day at noon, an old gentleman alighted from a hackney-coach at
+the post-office, and, giving his name, inquired for a letter addressed
+to himself, and directed to be left till called for. It had been lying
+there some days. The superscription was in Mr Pecksniff's hand, and it
+was sealed with Mr Pecksniff's seal.
+
+It was very short, containing indeed nothing more than an address
+'with Mr Pecksniff's respectful, and (not withstanding what has
+passed) sincerely affectionate regards.' The old gentleman tore off the
+direction--scattering the rest in fragments to the winds--and giving
+it to the coachman, bade him drive as near that place as he could. In
+pursuance of these instructions he was driven to the Monument; where he
+again alighted, and dismissed the vehicle, and walked towards Todgers's.
+
+Though the face, and form, and gait of this old man, and even his
+grip of the stout stick on which he leaned, were all expressive of a
+resolution not easily shaken, and a purpose (it matters little whether
+right or wrong, just now) such as in other days might have survived
+the rack, and had its strongest life in weakest death; still there were
+grains of hesitation in his mind, which made him now avoid the house he
+sought, and loiter to and fro in a gleam of sunlight, that brightened
+the little churchyard hard by. There may have been, in the presence of
+those idle heaps of dust among the busiest stir of life, something to
+increase his wavering; but there he walked, awakening the echoes as he
+paced up and down, until the church clock, striking the quarters for
+the second time since he had been there, roused him from his meditation.
+Shaking off his incertitude as the air parted with the sound of the
+bells, he walked rapidly to the house, and knocked at the door.
+
+Mr Pecksniff was seated in the landlady's little room, and his visitor
+found him reading--by an accident; he apologised for it--an excellent
+theological work. There were cake and wine upon a little table--by
+another accident, for which he also apologised. Indeed he said, he
+had given his visitor up, and was about to partake of that simple
+refreshment with his children, when he knocked at the door.
+
+'Your daughters are well?' said old Martin, laying down his hat and
+stick.
+
+Mr Pecksniff endeavoured to conceal his agitation as a father when he
+answered Yes, they were. They were good girls, he said, very good. He
+would not venture to recommend Mr Chuzzlewit to take the easy-chair,
+or to keep out of the draught from the door. If he made any such
+suggestion, he would expose himself, he feared, to most unjust
+suspicion. He would, therefore, content himself with remarking that
+there was an easy-chair in the room, and that the door was far from
+being air-tight. This latter imperfection, he might perhaps venture to
+add, was not uncommonly to be met with in old houses.
+
+The old man sat down in the easy-chair, and after a few moments'
+silence, said:
+
+'In the first place, let me thank you for coming to London so promptly,
+at my almost unexplained request; I need scarcely add, at my cost.'
+
+'At YOUR cost, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of great
+surprise.
+
+'It is not,' said Martin, waving his hand impatiently, 'my habit to put
+my--well! my relatives--to any personal expense to gratify my caprices.'
+
+'Caprices, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff
+
+'That is scarcely the proper word either, in this instance,' said the
+old man. 'No. You are right.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff was inwardly very much relieved to hear it, though he
+didn't at all know why.
+
+'You are right,' repeated Martin. 'It is not a caprice. It is built up
+on reason, proof, and cool comparison. Caprices never are. Moreover, I
+am not a capricious man. I never was.'
+
+'Most assuredly not,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'How do you know?' returned the other quickly. 'You are to begin to know
+it now. You are to test and prove it, in time to come. You and yours are
+to find that I can be constant, and am not to be diverted from my end.
+Do you hear?'
+
+'Perfectly,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'I very much regret,' Martin resumed, looking steadily at him, and
+speaking in a slow and measured tone; 'I very much regret that you and
+I held such a conversation together, as that which passed between us at
+our last meeting. I very much regret that I laid open to you what were
+then my thoughts of you, so freely as I did. The intentions that I bear
+towards you now are of another kind; deserted by all in whom I have ever
+trusted; hoodwinked and beset by all who should help and sustain me;
+I fly to you for refuge. I confide in you to be my ally; to attach
+yourself to me by ties of Interest and Expectation'--he laid great
+stress upon these words, though Mr Pecksniff particularly begged him
+not to mention it; 'and to help me to visit the consequences of the very
+worst species of meanness, dissimulation, and subtlety, on the right
+heads.'
+
+'My noble sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, catching at his outstretched hand.
+'And YOU regret the having harboured unjust thoughts of me! YOU with
+those grey hairs!'
+
+'Regrets,' said Martin, 'are the natural property of grey hairs; and
+I enjoy, in common with all other men, at least my share of such
+inheritance. And so enough of that. I regret having been severed from
+you so long. If I had known you sooner, and sooner used you as you well
+deserve, I might have been a happier man.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff looked up to the ceiling, and clasped his hands in rapture.
+
+'Your daughters,' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I don't know
+them. Are they like you?'
+
+'In the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest, Mr Chuzzlewit,'
+returned the widower, 'their sainted parent (not myself, their mother)
+lives again.'
+
+'I don't mean in person,' said the old man. 'Morally, morally.'
+
+''Tis not for me to say,' retorted Mr Pecksniff with a gentle smile. 'I
+have done my best, sir.'
+
+'I could wish to see them,' said Martin; 'are they near at hand?'
+
+They were, very near; for they had in fact been listening at the
+door from the beginning of this conversation until now, when they
+precipitately retired. Having wiped the signs of weakness from his eyes,
+and so given them time to get upstairs, Mr Pecksniff opened the door,
+and mildly cried in the passage,
+
+'My own darlings, where are you?'
+
+'Here, my dear pa!' replied the distant voice of Charity.
+
+'Come down into the back parlour, if you please, my love,' said Mr
+Pecksniff, 'and bring your sister with you.'
+
+'Yes, my dear pa,' cried Merry; and down they came directly (being all
+obedience), singing as they came.
+
+Nothing could exceed the astonishment of the two Miss Pecksniffs when
+they found a stranger with their dear papa. Nothing could surpass their
+mute amazement when he said, 'My children, Mr Chuzzlewit!' But when he
+told them that Mr Chuzzlewit and he were friends, and that Mr Chuzzlewit
+had said such kind and tender words as pierced his very heart, the two
+Miss Pecksniffs cried with one accord, 'Thank Heaven for this!' and
+fell upon the old man's neck. And when they had embraced him with
+such fervour of affection that no words can describe it, they grouped
+themselves about his chair, and hung over him, as figuring to themselves
+no earthly joy like that of ministering to his wants, and crowding into
+the remainder of his life, the love they would have diffused over their
+whole existence, from infancy, if he--dear obdurate!--had but consented
+to receive the precious offering.
+
+The old man looked attentively from one to the other, and then at Mr
+Pecksniff, several times.
+
+'What,' he asked of Mr Pecksniff, happening to catch his eye in its
+descent; for until now it had been piously upraised, with something of
+that expression which the poetry of ages has attributed to a domestic
+bird, when breathing its last amid the ravages of an electric storm:
+'What are their names?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff told him, and added, rather hastily; his caluminators
+would have said, with a view to any testamentary thoughts that might be
+flitting through old Martin's mind; 'Perhaps, my dears, you had better
+write them down. Your humble autographs are of no value in themselves,
+but affection may prize them.'
+
+'Affection,' said the old man, 'will expend itself on the living
+originals. Do not trouble yourselves, my girls, I shall not so easily
+forget you, Charity and Mercy, as to need such tokens of remembrance.
+Cousin!'
+
+'Sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, with alacrity.
+
+'Do you never sit down?'
+
+'Why--yes--occasionally, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, who had been standing
+all this time.
+
+'Will you do so now?'
+
+'Can you ask me,' returned Mr Pecksniff, slipping into a chair
+immediately, 'whether I will do anything that you desire?'
+
+'You talk confidently,' said Martin, 'and you mean well; but I fear you
+don't know what an old man's humours are. You don't know what it is to
+be required to court his likings and dislikings; to adapt yourself to
+his prejudices; to do his bidding, be it what it may; to bear with his
+distrusts and jealousies; and always still be zealous in his service.
+When I remember how numerous these failings are in me, and judge of
+their occasional enormity by the injurious thoughts I lately entertained
+of you, I hardly dare to claim you for my friend.'
+
+'My worthy sir,' returned his relative, 'how CAN you talk in such a
+painful strain! What was more natural than that you should make one
+slight mistake, when in all other respects you were so very correct, and
+have had such reason--such very sad and undeniable reason--to judge of
+every one about you in the worst light!'
+
+'True,' replied the other. 'You are very lenient with me.'
+
+'We always said, my girls and I,' cried Mr Pecksniff with increasing
+obsequiousness, 'that while we mourned the heaviness of our misfortune
+in being confounded with the base and mercenary, still we could not
+wonder at it. My dears, you remember?'
+
+Oh vividly! A thousand times!
+
+'We uttered no complaint,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Occasionally we had the
+presumption to console ourselves with the remark that Truth would in
+the end prevail, and Virtue be triumphant; but not often. My loves, you
+recollect?'
+
+Recollect! Could he doubt it! Dearest pa, what strange unnecessary
+questions!
+
+'And when I saw you,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, with still greater
+deference, 'in the little, unassuming village where we take the liberty
+of dwelling, I said you were mistaken in me, my dear sir; that was all,
+I think?'
+
+'No--not all,' said Martin, who had been sitting with his hand upon his
+brow for some time past, and now looked up again; 'you said much more,
+which, added to other circumstances that have come to my knowledge,
+opened my eyes. You spoke to me, disinterestedly, on behalf of--I
+needn't name him. You know whom I mean.'
+
+Trouble was expressed in Mr Pecksniff's visage, as he pressed his hot
+hands together, and replied, with humility, 'Quite disinterestedly, sir,
+I assure you.'
+
+'I know it,' said old Martin, in his quiet way. 'I am sure of it. I said
+so. It was disinterested too, in you, to draw that herd of harpies
+off from me, and be their victim yourself; most other men would have
+suffered them to display themselves in all their rapacity, and would
+have striven to rise, by contrast, in my estimation. You felt for me,
+and drew them off, for which I owe you many thanks. Although I left the
+place, I know what passed behind my back, you see!'
+
+'You amaze me, sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff; which was true enough.
+
+'My knowledge of your proceedings,' said the old man, does not stop at
+this. You have a new inmate in your house.'
+
+'Yes, sir,' rejoined the architect, 'I have.'
+
+'He must quit it' said Martin.
+
+'For--for yours?' asked Mr Pecksniff, with a quavering mildness.
+
+'For any shelter he can find,' the old man answered. 'He has deceived
+you.'
+
+'I hope not' said Mr Pecksniff, eagerly. 'I trust not. I have been
+extremely well disposed towards that young man. I hope it cannot be
+shown that he has forfeited all claim to my protection. Deceit--deceit,
+my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, would be final. I should hold myself bound, on
+proof of deceit, to renounce him instantly.'
+
+The old man glanced at both his fair supporters, but especially at
+Miss Mercy, whom, indeed, he looked full in the face, with a greater
+demonstration of interest than had yet appeared in his features. His
+gaze again encountered Mr Pecksniff, as he said, composedly:
+
+'Of course you know that he has made his matrimonial choice?'
+
+'Oh dear!' cried Mr Pecksniff, rubbing his hair up very stiff upon
+his head, and staring wildly at his daughters. 'This is becoming
+tremendous!'
+
+'You know the fact?' repeated Martin
+
+'Surely not without his grandfather's consent and approbation my dear
+sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't tell me that. For the honour of human
+nature, say you're not about to tell me that!'
+
+'I thought he had suppressed it,' said the old man.
+
+The indignation felt by Mr Pecksniff at this terrible disclosure, was
+only to be equalled by the kindling anger of his daughters. What! Had
+they taken to their hearth and home a secretly contracted serpent; a
+crocodile, who had made a furtive offer of his hand; an imposition on
+society; a bankrupt bachelor with no effects, trading with the spinster
+world on false pretences! And oh, to think that he should have disobeyed
+and practised on that sweet, that venerable gentleman, whose name
+he bore; that kind and tender guardian; his more than father--to say
+nothing at all of mother--horrible, horrible! To turn him out with
+ignominy would be treatment much too good. Was there nothing else that
+could be done to him? Had he incurred no legal pains and penalties?
+Could it be that the statutes of the land were so remiss as to have
+affixed no punishment to such delinquency? Monster; how basely had they
+been deceived!
+
+'I am glad to find you second me so warmly,' said the old man holding up
+his hand to stay the torrent of their wrath. 'I will not deny that it
+is a pleasure to me to find you so full of zeal. We will consider that
+topic as disposed of.'
+
+'No, my dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'not as disposed of, until I have
+purged my house of this pollution.'
+
+'That will follow,' said the old man, 'in its own time. I look upon that
+as done.'
+
+'You are very good, sir,' answered Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand. 'You
+do me honour. You MAY look upon it as done, I assure you.'
+
+'There is another topic,' said Martin, 'on which I hope you will assist
+me. You remember Mary, cousin?'
+
+'The young lady that I mentioned to you, my dears, as having interested
+me so very much,' remarked Mr Pecksniff. 'Excuse my interrupting you,
+sir.'
+
+'I told you her history?' said the old man.
+
+'Which I also mentioned, you will recollect, my dears,' cried Mr
+Pecksniff. 'Silly girls, Mr Chuzzlewit--quite moved by it, they were!'
+
+'Why, look now!' said Martin, evidently pleased; 'I feared I should have
+had to urge her case upon you, and ask you to regard her favourably for
+my sake. But I find you have no jealousies! Well! You have no cause
+for any, to be sure. She has nothing to gain from me, my dears, and she
+knows it.'
+
+The two Miss Pecksniffs murmured their approval of this wise
+arrangement, and their cordial sympathy with its interesting object.
+
+'If I could have anticipated what has come to pass between us four,'
+said the old man thoughfully; 'but it is too late to think of that. You
+would receive her courteously, young ladies, and be kind to her, if need
+were?'
+
+Where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pecksniffs would not have
+cherished in their sisterly bosom! But when that orphan was commended to
+their care by one on whom the dammed-up love of years was gushing forth,
+what exhaustless stores of pure affection yearned to expend themselves
+upon her!
+
+An interval ensued, during which Mr Chuzzlewit, in an absent frame of
+mind, sat gazing at the ground, without uttering a word; and as it was
+plain that he had no desire to be interrupted in his meditations, Mr
+Pecksniff and his daughters were profoundly silent also. During the
+whole of the foregoing dialogue, he had borne his part with a cold,
+passionless promptitude, as though he had learned and painfully
+rehearsed it all a hundred times. Even when his expressions were warmest
+and his language most encouraging, he had retained the same manner,
+without the least abatement. But now there was a keener brightness in
+his eye, and more expression in his voice, as he said, awakening from
+his thoughtful mood:
+
+'You know what will be said of this? Have you reflected?'
+
+'Said of what, my dear sir?' Mr Pecksniff asked.
+
+'Of this new understanding between us.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff looked benevolently sagacious, and at the same time far
+above all earthly misconstruction, as he shook his head, and observed
+that a great many things would be said of it, no doubt.
+
+'A great many,' rejoined the old man. 'Some will say that I dote in my
+old age; that illness has shaken me; that I have lost all strength of
+mind, and have grown childish. You can bear that?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff answered that it would be dreadfully hard to bear, but he
+thought he could, if he made a great effort.
+
+'Others will say--I speak of disappointed, angry people only--that you
+have lied and fawned, and wormed yourself through dirty ways into my
+favour; by such concessions and such crooked deeds, such meannesses and
+vile endurances, as nothing could repay; no, not the legacy of half the
+world we live in. You can bear that?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff made reply that this would be also very hard to bear, as
+reflecting, in some degree, on the discernment of Mr Chuzzlewit. Still
+he had a modest confidence that he could sustain the calumny, with the
+help of a good conscience, and that gentleman's friendship.
+
+'With the great mass of slanderers,' said old Martin, leaning back in
+his chair, 'the tale, as I clearly foresee, will run thus: That to mark
+my contempt for the rabble whom I despised, I chose from among them the
+very worst, and made him do my will, and pampered and enriched him at
+the cost of all the rest. That, after casting about for the means of a
+punishment which should rankle in the bosoms of these kites the most,
+and strike into their gall, I devised this scheme at a time when the
+last link in the chain of grateful love and duty, that held me to
+my race, was roughly snapped asunder; roughly, for I loved him well;
+roughly, for I had ever put my trust in his affection; roughly, for that
+he broke it when I loved him most--God help me!--and he without a pang
+could throw me off, while I clung about his heart! Now,' said the old
+man, dismissing this passionate outburst as suddenly as he had yielded
+to it, 'is your mind made up to bear this likewise? Lay your account
+with having it to bear, and put no trust in being set right by me.'
+
+'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' cried Pecksniff in an ecstasy, 'for such a man
+as you have shown yourself to be this day; for a man so injured, yet so
+very humane; for a man so--I am at a loss what precise term to use--yet
+at the same time so remarkably--I don't know how to express my meaning;
+for such a man as I have described, I hope it is no presumption to say
+that I, and I am sure I may add my children also (my dears, we perfectly
+agree in this, I think?), would bear anything whatever!'
+
+'Enough,' said Martin. 'You can charge no consequences on me. When do
+you retire home?'
+
+'Whenever you please, my dear sir. To-night if you desire it.'
+
+'I desire nothing,' returned the old man, 'that is unreasonable. Such a
+request would be. Will you be ready to return at the end of this week?'
+
+The very time of all others that Mr Pecksniff would have suggested if
+it had been left to him to make his own choice. As to his daughters--the
+words, 'Let us be at home on Saturday, dear pa,' were actually upon
+their lips.
+
+'Your expenses, cousin,' said Martin, taking a folded slip of paper from
+his pocketbook, 'may possibly exceed that amount. If so, let me know the
+balance that I owe you, when we next meet. It would be useless if I told
+you where I live just now; indeed, I have no fixed abode. When I have,
+you shall know it. You and your daughters may expect to see me
+before long; in the meantime I need not tell you that we keep our own
+confidence. What you will do when you get home is understood between us.
+Give me no account of it at any time; and never refer to it in any way.
+I ask that as a favour. I am commonly a man of few words, cousin; and
+all that need be said just now is said, I think.'
+
+'One glass of wine--one morsel of this homely cake?' cried Mr Pecksniff,
+venturing to detain him. 'My dears--!'
+
+The sisters flew to wait upon him.
+
+'Poor girls!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You will excuse their agitation, my
+dear sir. They are made up of feeling. A bad commodity to go through the
+world with, Mr Chuzzlewit! My youngest daughter is almost as much of a
+woman as my eldest, is she not, sir?'
+
+'Which IS the youngest?' asked the old man.
+
+'Mercy, by five years,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'We sometimes venture to
+consider her rather a fine figure, sir. Speaking as an artist, I
+may perhaps be permitted to suggest that its outline is graceful and
+correct. I am naturally,' said Mr Pecksniff, drying his hands upon his
+handkerchief, and looking anxiously in his cousin's face at almost every
+word, 'proud, if I may use the expression, to have a daughter who is
+constructed on the best models.'
+
+'She seems to have a lively disposition,' observed Martin.
+
+'Dear me!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'That is quite remarkable. You have
+defined her character, my dear sir, as correctly as if you had known her
+from her birth. She HAS a lively disposition. I assure you, my dear sir,
+that in our unpretending home her gaiety is delightful.'
+
+'No doubt,' returned the old man.
+
+'Charity, upon the other hand,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is remarkable for
+strong sense, and for rather a deep tone of sentiment, if the partiality
+of a father may be excused in saying so. A wonderful affection between
+them, my dear sir! Allow me to drink your health. Bless you!'
+
+'I little thought,' retorted Martin, 'but a month ago, that I should be
+breaking bread and pouring wine with you. I drink to you.'
+
+Not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these
+latter words were spoken, Mr Pecksniff thanked him devoutly.
+
+'Now let me go,' said Martin, putting down the wine when he had merely
+touched it with his lips. 'My dears, good morning!'
+
+But this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for the
+yearnings of the young ladies, who again embraced him with all their
+hearts--with all their arms at any rate--to which parting caresses their
+new-found friend submitted with a better grace than might have been
+expected from one who, not a moment before, had pledged their parent in
+such a very uncomfortable manner. These endearments terminated, he took
+a hasty leave of Mr Pecksniff and withdrew, followed to the door by both
+father and daughters, who stood there kissing their hands and beaming
+with affection until he disappeared; though, by the way, he never once
+looked back, after he had crossed the threshold.
+
+When they returned into the house, and were again alone in Mrs Todgers's
+room, the two young ladies exhibited an unusual amount of gaiety;
+insomuch that they clapped their hands, and laughed, and looked with
+roguish aspects and a bantering air upon their dear papa. This conduct
+was so very unaccountable, that Mr Pecksniff (being singularly grave
+himself) could scarcely choose but ask them what it meant; and took them
+to task, in his gentle manner, for yielding to such light emotions.
+
+'If it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment, even the
+most remote,' he said, 'I should not reprove you. But when you can have
+none whatever--oh, really, really!'
+
+This admonition had so little effect on Mercy, that she was obliged to
+hold her handkerchief before her rosy lips, and to throw herself back in
+her chair, with every demonstration of extreme amusement; which want
+of duty so offended Mr Pecksniff that he reproved her in set terms,
+and gave her his parental advice to correct herself in solitude and
+contemplation. But at that juncture they were disturbed by the sound of
+voices in dispute; and as it proceeded from the next room, the subject
+matter of the altercation quickly reached their ears.
+
+'I don't care that! Mrs Todgers,' said the young gentleman who had been
+the youngest gentleman in company on the day of the festival; 'I don't
+care THAT, ma'am,' said he, snapping his fingers, 'for Jinkins. Don't
+suppose I do.'
+
+'I am quite certain you don't, sir,' replied Mrs Todgers. 'You have
+too independent a spirit, I know, to yield to anybody. And quite right.
+There is no reason why you should give way to any gentleman. Everybody
+must be well aware of that.'
+
+'I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow,' said the
+youngest gentleman, in a desperate voice, 'than if he was a bulldog.'
+
+Mrs Todgers did not stop to inquire whether, as a matter of principle,
+there was any particular reason for admitting daylight even into a
+bulldog, otherwise than by the natural channel of his eyes, but she
+seemed to wring her hands, and she moaned.
+
+'Let him be careful,' said the youngest gentleman. 'I give him warning.
+No man shall step between me and the current of my vengeance. I know
+a Cove--' he used that familiar epithet in his agitation but corrected
+himself by adding, 'a gentleman of property, I mean--who practices with
+a pair of pistols (fellows too) of his own. If I am driven to borrow
+'em, and to send at friend to Jinkins, a tragedy will get into the
+papers. That's all.'
+
+Again Mrs Todgers moaned.
+
+'I have borne this long enough,' said the youngest gentleman but now
+my soul rebels against it, and I won't stand it any longer. I left home
+originally, because I had that within me which wouldn't be domineered
+over by a sister; and do you think I'm going to be put down by HIM? No.'
+
+'It is very wrong in Mr Jinkins; I know it is perfectly inexcusable in
+Mr Jinkins, if he intends it,' observed Mrs Todgers
+
+'If he intends it!' cried the youngest gentleman. 'Don't he interrupt
+and contradict me on every occasion? Does he ever fail to interpose
+himself between me and anything or anybody that he sees I have set my
+mind upon? Does he make a point of always pretending to forget me,
+when he's pouring out the beer? Does he make bragging remarks about his
+razors, and insulting allusions to people who have no necessity to shave
+more than once a week? But let him look out! He'll find himself shaved,
+pretty close, before long, and so I tell him.'
+
+The young gentleman was mistaken in this closing sentence, inasmuch as
+he never told it to Jinkins, but always to Mrs Todgers.
+
+'However,' he said, 'these are not proper subjects for ladies' ears.
+All I've got to say to you, Mrs Todgers, is, a week's notice from next
+Saturday. The same house can't contain that miscreant and me any longer.
+If we get over the intermediate time without bloodshed, you may think
+yourself pretty fortunate. I don't myself expect we shall.'
+
+'Dear, dear!' cried Mrs Todgers, 'what would I have given to have
+prevented this? To lose you, sir, would be like losing the house's
+right-hand. So popular as you are among the gentlemen; so generally
+looked up to; and so much liked! I do hope you'll think better of it; if
+on nobody else's account, on mine.'
+
+'There's Jinkins,' said the youngest gentleman, moodily. 'Your
+favourite. He'll console you, and the gentlemen too, for the loss of
+twenty such as me. I'm not understood in this house. I never have been.'
+
+'Don't run away with that opinion, sir!' cried Mrs Todgers, with a show
+of honest indignation. 'Don't make such a charge as that against the
+establishment, I must beg of you. It is not so bad as that comes to,
+sir. Make any remark you please against the gentlemen, or against me;
+but don't say you're not understood in this house.'
+
+'I'm not treated as if I was,' said the youngest gentleman.
+
+'There you make a great mistake, sir,' returned Mrs Todgers, in the same
+strain. 'As many of the gentlemen and I have often said, you are too
+sensitive. That's where it is. You are of too susceptible a nature; it's
+in your spirit.'
+
+The young gentleman coughed.
+
+'And as,' said Mrs Todgers, 'as to Mr Jinkins, I must beg of you, if we
+ARE to part, to understand that I don't abet Mr Jinkins by any means.
+Far from it. I could wish that Mr Jinkins would take a lower tone in
+this establishment, and would not be the means of raising differences
+between me and gentlemen that I can much less bear to part with than I
+could with Mr Jinkins. Mr Jinkins is not such a boarder, sir,' added Mrs
+Todgers, 'that all considerations of private feeling and respect give
+way before him. Quite the contrary, I assure you.'
+
+The young gentleman was so much mollified by these and similar speeches
+on the part of Mrs Todgers, that he and that lady gradually changed
+positions; so that she became the injured party, and he was understood
+to be the injurer; but in a complimentary, not in an offensive sense;
+his cruel conduct being attributable to his exalted nature, and to that
+alone. So, in the end, the young gentleman withdrew his notice, and
+assured Mrs Todgers of his unalterable regard; and having done so, went
+back to business.
+
+'Goodness me, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried that lady, as she came into the
+back room, and sat wearily down, with her basket on her knees, and her
+hands folded upon it, 'what a trial of temper it is to keep a house like
+this! You must have heard most of what has just passed. Now did you ever
+hear the like?'
+
+'Never!' said the two Miss Pecksniffs.
+
+'Of all the ridiculous young fellows that ever I had to deal with,'
+resumed Mrs Todgers, 'that is the most ridiculous and unreasonable. Mr
+Jinkins is hard upon him sometimes, but not half as hard as he deserves.
+To mention such a gentleman as Mr Jinkins in the same breath with
+HIM--you know it's too much! And yet he's as jealous of him, bless you,
+as if he was his equal.'
+
+The young ladies were greatly entertained by Mrs Todgers's account,
+no less than with certain anecdotes illustrative of the youngest
+gentleman's character, which she went on to tell them. But Mr Pecksniff
+looked quite stern and angry; and when she had concluded, said in a
+solemn voice:
+
+'Pray, Mrs Todgers, if I may inquire, what does that young gentleman
+contribute towards the support of these premises?'
+
+'Why, sir, for what HE has, he pays about eighteen shillings a week!'
+said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'Eighteen shillings a week!' repeated Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Taking one week with another; as near that as possible,' said Mrs
+Todgers.
+
+Mr Pecksniff rose from his chair, folded his arms, looked at her, and
+shook his head.
+
+'And do you mean to say, ma'am--is it possible, Mrs Todgers--that for
+such a miserable consideration as eighteen shillings a week, a female of
+your understanding can so far demean herself as to wear a double face,
+even for an instant?'
+
+'I am forced to keep things on the square if I can, sir,' faltered
+Mrs Todgers. 'I must preserve peace among them, and keep my connection
+together, if possible, Mr Pecksniff. The profit is very small.'
+
+'The profit!' cried that gentleman, laying great stress upon the word.
+'The profit, Mrs Todgers! You amaze me!'
+
+He was so severe, that Mrs Todgers shed tears.
+
+'The profit!' repeated Mr pecksniff. 'The profit of dissimulation! To
+worship the golden calf of Baal, for eighteen shillings a week!'
+
+'Don't in your own goodness be too hard upon me, Mr Pecksniff,' cried
+Mrs Todgers, taking out her handkerchief.
+
+'Oh Calf, Calf!' cried Mr Pecksniff mournfully. 'Oh, Baal, Baal! oh my
+friend, Mrs Todgers! To barter away that precious jewel, self-esteem,
+and cringe to any mortal creature--for eighteen shillings a week!'
+
+He was so subdued and overcome by the reflection, that he immediately
+took down his hat from its peg in the passage, and went out for a walk,
+to compose his feelings. Anybody passing him in the street might have
+known him for a good man at first sight; for his whole figure teemed
+with a consciousness of the moral homily he had read to Mrs Todgers.
+
+Eighteen shillings a week! Just, most just, thy censure, upright
+Pecksniff! Had it been for the sake of a ribbon, star, or garter;
+sleeves of lawn, a great man's smile, a seat in parliament, a tap upon
+the shoulder from a courtly sword; a place, a party, or a thriving lie,
+or eighteen thousand pounds, or even eighteen hundred;--but to worship
+the golden calf for eighteen shillings a week! oh pitiful, pitiful!
+
+
+
+CHAPTER ELEVEN
+
+WHEREIN A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN BECOMES PARTICULAR IN HIS ATTENTIONS TO A
+CERTAIN LADY; AND MORE COMING EVENTS THAN ONE, CAST THEIR SHADOWS BEFORE
+
+
+The family were within two or three days of their departure from Mrs
+Todgers's, and the commercial gentlemen were to a man despondent and
+not to be comforted, because of the approaching separation, when Bailey
+junior, at the jocund time of noon, presented himself before Miss
+Charity Pecksniff, then sitting with her sister in the banquet chamber,
+hemming six new pocket-handkerchiefs for Mr Jinkins; and having
+expressed a hope, preliminary and pious, that he might be blest, gave
+her in his pleasant way to understand that a visitor attended to pay
+his respects to her, and was at that moment waiting in the drawing-room.
+Perhaps this last announcement showed in a more striking point of view
+than many lengthened speeches could have done, the trustfulness and
+faith of Bailey's nature; since he had, in fact, last seen the visitor
+on the door-mat, where, after signifying to him that he would do well to
+go upstairs, he had left him to the guidance of his own sagacity. Hence
+it was at least an even chance that the visitor was then wandering on
+the roof of the house, or vainly seeking to extricate himself from the
+maze of bedrooms; Todgers's being precisely that kind of establishment
+in which an unpiloted stranger is pretty sure to find himself in some
+place where he least expects and least desires to be.
+
+'A gentleman for me!' cried Charity, pausing in her work; 'my gracious,
+Bailey!'
+
+'Ah!' said Bailey. 'It IS my gracious, an't it? Wouldn't I be gracious
+neither, not if I wos him!'
+
+The remark was rendered somewhat obscure in itself, by reason (as the
+reader may have observed) of a redundancy of negatives; but accompanied
+by action expressive of a faithful couple walking arm-in-arm towards
+a parochial church, mutually exchanging looks of love, it clearly
+signified this youth's conviction that the caller's purpose was of an
+amorous tendency. Miss Charity affected to reprove so great a liberty;
+but she could not help smiling. He was a strange boy, to be sure. There
+was always some ground of probability and likelihood mingled with his
+absurd behaviour. That was the best of it!
+
+'But I don't know any gentlemen, Bailey,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I think
+you must have made a mistake.'
+
+Mr Bailey smiled at the extreme wildness of such a supposition, and
+regarded the young ladies with unimpaired affability.
+
+'My dear Merry,' said Charity, 'who CAN it be? Isn't it odd? I have a
+great mind not to go to him really. So very strange, you know!'
+
+The younger sister plainly considered that this appeal had its origin in
+the pride of being called upon and asked for; and that it was intended
+as an assertion of superiority, and a retaliation upon her for having
+captured the commercial gentlemen. Therefore, she replied, with great
+affection and politeness, that it was, no doubt, very strange indeed;
+and that she was totally at a loss to conceive what the ridiculous
+person unknown could mean by it.
+
+'Quite impossible to divine!' said Charity, with some sharpness, 'though
+still, at the same time, you needn't be angry, my dear.'
+
+'Thank you,' retorted Merry, singing at her needle. 'I am quite aware of
+that, my love.'
+
+'I am afraid your head is turned, you silly thing,' said Cherry.
+
+'Do you know, my dear,' said Merry, with engaging candour, 'that I have
+been afraid of that, myself, all along! So much incense and nonsense,
+and all the rest of it, is enough to turn a stronger head than mine.
+What a relief it must be to you, my dear, to be so very comfortable in
+that respect, and not to be worried by those odious men! How do you do
+it, Cherry?'
+
+This artless inquiry might have led to turbulent results, but for the
+strong emotions of delight evinced by Bailey junior, whose relish in the
+turn the conversation had lately taken was so acute, that it impelled
+and forced him to the instantaneous performance of a dancing step,
+extremely difficult in its nature, and only to be achieved in a
+moment of ecstasy, which is commonly called The Frog's Hornpipe. A
+manifestation so lively, brought to their immediate recollection the
+great virtuous precept, 'Keep up appearances whatever you do,' in which
+they had been educated. They forbore at once, and jointly signified to
+Mr Bailey that if he should presume to practice that figure any more in
+their presence, they would instantly acquaint Mrs Todgers with the fact,
+and would demand his condign punishment, at the hands of that lady. The
+young gentleman having expressed the bitterness of his contrition by
+affecting to wipe away scalding tears with his apron, and afterwards
+feigning to wring a vast amount of water from that garment, held the
+door open while Miss Charity passed out; and so that damsel went in
+state upstairs to receive her mysterious adorer.
+
+By some strange occurrence of favourable circumstances he had found out
+the drawing-room, and was sitting there alone.
+
+'Ah, cousin!' he said. 'Here I am, you see. You thought I was lost, I'll
+be bound. Well! how do you find yourself by this time?'
+
+Miss Charity replied that she was quite well, and gave Mr Jonas
+Chuzzlewit her hand.
+
+'That's right,' said Mr Jonas, 'and you've got over the fatigues of the
+journey have you? I say. How's the other one?'
+
+'My sister is very well, I believe,' returned the young lady. 'I have
+not heard her complain of any indisposition, sir. Perhaps you would like
+to see her, and ask her yourself?'
+
+'No, no cousin!' said Mr Jonas, sitting down beside her on the
+window-seat. 'Don't be in a hurry. There's no occasion for that, you
+know. What a cruel girl you are!'
+
+'It's impossible for YOU to know,' said Cherry, 'whether I am or not.'
+
+'Well, perhaps it is,' said Mr Jonas. 'I say--Did you think I was lost?
+You haven't told me that.'
+
+'I didn't think at all about it,' answered Cherry.
+
+'Didn't you though?' said Jonas, pondering upon this strange reply. 'Did
+the other one?'
+
+'I am sure it's impossible for me to say what my sister may, or may not
+have thought on such a subject,' cried Cherry. 'She never said anything
+to me about it, one way or other.'
+
+'Didn't she laugh about it?' inquired Jonas.
+
+'No. She didn't even laugh about it,' answered Charity.
+
+'She's a terrible one to laugh, an't she?' said Jonas, lowering his
+voice.
+
+'She is very lively,' said Cherry.
+
+'Liveliness is a pleasant thing--when it don't lead to spending money.
+An't it?' asked Mr Jonas.
+
+'Very much so, indeed,' said Cherry, with a demureness of manner that
+gave a very disinterested character to her assent.
+
+'Such liveliness as yours I mean, you know,' observed Mr Jonas, as he
+nudged her with his elbow. 'I should have come to see you before, but I
+didn't know where you was. How quick you hurried off, that morning!'
+
+'I was amenable to my papa's directions,' said Miss Charity.
+
+'I wish he had given me his direction,' returned her cousin, 'and then
+I should have found you out before. Why, I shouldn't have found you even
+now, if I hadn't met him in the street this morning. What a sleek, sly
+chap he is! Just like a tomcat, an't he?'
+
+'I must trouble you to have the goodness to speak more respectfully of
+my papa, Mr Jonas,' said Charity. 'I can't allow such a tone as that,
+even in jest.'
+
+'Ecod, you may say what you like of MY father, then, and so I give you
+leave,' said Jonas. 'I think it's liquid aggravation that circulates
+through his veins, and not regular blood. How old should you think my
+father was, cousin?'
+
+'Old, no doubt,' replied Miss Charity; 'but a fine old gentleman.'
+
+'A fine old gentleman!' repeated Jonas, giving the crown of his hat an
+angry knock. 'Ah! It's time he was thinking of being drawn out a little
+finer too. Why, he's eighty!'
+
+'Is he, indeed?' said the young lady.
+
+'And ecod,' cried Jonas, 'now he's gone so far without giving in, I
+don't see much to prevent his being ninety; no, nor even a hundred. Why,
+a man with any feeling ought to be ashamed of being eighty, let alone
+more. Where's his religion, I should like to know, when he goes flying
+in the face of the Bible like that? Threescore-and-ten's the mark, and
+no man with a conscience, and a proper sense of what's expected of him,
+has any business to live longer.'
+
+Is any one surprised at Mr Jonas making such a reference to such a
+book for such a purpose? Does any one doubt the old saw, that the Devil
+(being a layman) quotes Scripture for his own ends? If he will take the
+trouble to look about him, he may find a greater number of confirmations
+of the fact in the occurrences of any single day, than the steam-gun can
+discharge balls in a minute.
+
+'But there's enough of my father,' said Jonas; 'it's of no use to go
+putting one's self out of the way by talking about HIM. I called to ask
+you to come and take a walk, cousin, and see some of the sights; and
+to come to our house afterwards, and have a bit of something. Pecksniff
+will most likely look in in the evening, he says, and bring you home.
+See, here's his writing; I made him put it down this morning when he
+told me he shouldn't be back before I came here; in case you wouldn't
+believe me. There's nothing like proof, is there? Ha, ha! I say--you'll
+bring the other one, you know!'
+
+Miss Charity cast her eyes upon her father's autograph, which merely
+said--'Go, my children, with your cousin. Let there be union among us
+when it is possible;' and after enough of hesitation to impart a proper
+value to her consent, withdrew to prepare her sister and herself for the
+excursion. She soon returned, accompanied by Miss Mercy, who was by
+no means pleased to leave the brilliant triumphs of Todgers's for the
+society of Mr Jonas and his respected father.
+
+'Aha!' cried Jonas. 'There you are, are you?'
+
+'Yes, fright,' said Mercy, 'here I am; and I would much rather be
+anywhere else, I assure you.'
+
+'You don't mean that,' cried Mr Jonas. 'You can't, you know. It isn't
+possible.'
+
+'You can have what opinion you like, fright,' retorted Mercy. 'I am
+content to keep mine; and mine is that you are a very unpleasant,
+odious, disagreeable person.' Here she laughed heartily, and seemed to
+enjoy herself very much.
+
+'Oh, you're a sharp gal!' said Mr Jonas. 'She's a regular teaser, an't
+she, cousin?'
+
+Miss Charity replied in effect, that she was unable to say what the
+habits and propensities of a regular teaser might be; and that even if
+she possessed such information, it would ill become her to admit the
+existence of any creature with such an unceremonious name in her family;
+far less in the person of a beloved sister; 'whatever,' added Cherry
+with an angry glance, 'whatever her real nature may be.'
+
+'Well, my dear,' said Merry, 'the only observation I have to make is,
+that if we don't go out at once, I shall certainly take my bonnet off
+again, and stay at home.'
+
+This threat had the desired effect of preventing any farther
+altercation, for Mr Jonas immediately proposed an adjournment, and
+the same being carried unanimously, they departed from the house
+straightway. On the doorstep, Mr Jonas gave an arm to each cousin;
+which act of gallantry being observed by Bailey junior, from the garret
+window, was by him saluted with a loud and violent fit of coughing, to
+which paroxysm he was still the victim when they turned the corner.
+
+Mr Jonas inquired in the first instance if they were good walkers and
+being answered, 'Yes,' submitted their pedestrian powers to a pretty
+severe test; for he showed them as many sights, in the way of bridges,
+churches, streets, outsides of theatres, and other free spectacles,
+in that one forenoon, as most people see in a twelvemonth. It was
+observable in this gentleman, that he had an insurmountable distaste to
+the insides of buildings, and that he was perfectly acquainted with
+the merits of all shows, in respect of which there was any charge for
+admission, which it seemed were every one detestable, and of the very
+lowest grade of merit. He was so thoroughly possessed with this opinion,
+that when Miss Charity happened to mention the circumstance of their
+having been twice or thrice to the theatre with Mr Jinkins and party, he
+inquired, as a matter of course, 'where the orders came from?' and being
+told that Mr Jinkins and party paid, was beyond description entertained,
+observing that 'they must be nice flats, certainly;' and often in the
+course of the walk, bursting out again into a perfect convulsion of
+laughter at the surpassing silliness of those gentlemen, and (doubtless)
+at his own superior wisdom.
+
+When they had been out for some hours and were thoroughly fatigued, it
+being by that time twilight, Mr Jonas intimated that he would show them
+one of the best pieces of fun with which he was acquainted. This joke
+was of a practical kind, and its humour lay in taking a hackney-coach
+to the extreme limits of possibility for a shilling. Happily it brought
+them to the place where Mr Jonas dwelt, or the young ladies might have
+rather missed the point and cream of the jest.
+
+The old-established firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son, Manchester
+Warehousemen, and so forth, had its place of business in a very narrow
+street somewhere behind the Post Office; where every house was in the
+brightest summer morning very gloomy; and where light porters watered
+the pavement, each before his own employer's premises, in fantastic
+patterns, in the dog-days; and where spruce gentlemen with their hands
+in the pockets of symmetrical trousers, were always to be seen in
+warm weather, contemplating their undeniable boots in dusty warehouse
+doorways; which appeared to be the hardest work they did, except now and
+then carrying pens behind their ears. A dim, dirty, smoky, tumble-down,
+rotten old house it was, as anybody would desire to see; but there the
+firm of Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son transacted all their business and
+their pleasure too, such as it was; for neither the young man nor the
+old had any other residence, or any care or thought beyond its narrow
+limits.
+
+Business, as may be readily supposed, was the main thing in this
+establishment; insomuch indeed that it shouldered comfort out of
+doors, and jostled the domestic arrangements at every turn. Thus in the
+miserable bedrooms there were files of moth-eaten letters hanging up
+against the walls; and linen rollers, and fragments of old patterns,
+and odds and ends of spoiled goods, strewed upon the ground; while the
+meagre bedsteads, washing-stands, and scraps of carpet, were huddled
+away into corners as objects of secondary consideration, not to be
+thought of but as disagreeable necessities, furnishing no profit, and
+intruding on the one affair of life. The single sitting-room was on
+the same principle, a chaos of boxes and old papers, and had more
+counting-house stools in it than chairs; not to mention a great monster
+of a desk straddling over the middle of the floor, and an iron safe
+sunk into the wall above the fireplace. The solitary little table for
+purposes of refection and social enjoyment, bore as fair a proportion
+to the desk and other business furniture, as the graces and harmless
+relaxations of life had ever done, in the persons of the old man and his
+son, to their pursuit of wealth. It was meanly laid out now for dinner;
+and in a chair before the fire sat Anthony himself, who rose to greet
+his son and his fair cousins as they entered.
+
+An ancient proverb warns us that we should not expect to find old heads
+upon young shoulders; to which it may be added that we seldom meet with
+that unnatural combination, but we feel a strong desire to knock them
+off; merely from an inherent love we have of seeing things in their
+right places. It is not improbable that many men, in no wise choleric
+by nature, felt this impulse rising up within them, when they first made
+the acquaintance of Mr Jonas; but if they had known him more intimately
+in his own house, and had sat with him at his own board, it would
+assuredly have been paramount to all other considerations.
+
+'Well, ghost!' said Mr Jonas, dutifully addressing his parent by that
+title. 'Is dinner nearly ready?'
+
+'I should think it was,' rejoined the old man.
+
+'What's the good of that?' rejoined the son. 'I should think it was. I
+want to know.'
+
+'Ah! I don't know for certain,' said Anthony.
+
+'You don't know for certain,' rejoined his son in a lower tone. 'No. You
+don't know anything for certain, YOU don't. Give me your candle here. I
+want it for the gals.'
+
+Anthony handed him a battered old office candlestick, with which Mr
+Jonas preceded the young ladies to the nearest bedroom, where he left
+them to take off their shawls and bonnets; and returning, occupied
+himself in opening a bottle of wine, sharpening the carving-knife, and
+muttering compliments to his father, until they and the dinner appeared
+together. The repast consisted of a hot leg of mutton with greens and
+potatoes; and the dishes having been set upon the table by a slipshod
+old woman, they were left to enjoy it after their own manner.
+
+'Bachelor's Hall, you know, cousin,' said Mr Jonas to Charity. 'I
+say--the other one will be having a laugh at this when she gets home,
+won't she? Here; you sit on the right side of me, and I'll have her upon
+the left. Other one, will you come here?'
+
+'You're such a fright,' replied Mercy, 'that I know I shall have no
+appetite if I sit so near you; but I suppose I must.'
+
+'An't she lively?' whispered Mr Jonas to the elder sister, with his
+favourite elbow emphasis.
+
+'Oh I really don't know!' replied Miss Pecksniff, tartly. 'I am tired of
+being asked such ridiculous questions.'
+
+'What's that precious old father of mine about now?' said Mr Jonas,
+seeing that his parent was travelling up and down the room instead of
+taking his seat at table. 'What are you looking for?'
+
+'I've lost my glasses, Jonas,' said old Anthony.
+
+'Sit down without your glasses, can't you?' returned his son. 'You don't
+eat or drink out of 'em, I think; and where's that sleepy-headed old
+Chuffey got to! Now, stupid. Oh! you know your name, do you?'
+
+It would seem that he didn't, for he didn't come until the father
+called. As he spoke, the door of a small glass office, which was
+partitioned off from the rest of the room, was slowly opened, and a
+little blear-eyed, weazen-faced, ancient man came creeping out. He was
+of a remote fashion, and dusty, like the rest of the furniture; he was
+dressed in a decayed suit of black; with breeches garnished at the knees
+with rusty wisps of ribbon, the very paupers of shoestrings; on the
+lower portion of his spindle legs were dingy worsted stockings of the
+same colour. He looked as if he had been put away and forgotten half a
+century before, and somebody had just found him in a lumber-closet.
+
+Such as he was, he came slowly creeping on towards the table, until at
+last he crept into the vacant chair, from which, as his dim faculties
+became conscious of the presence of strangers, and those strangers
+ladies, he rose again, apparently intending to make a bow. But he sat
+down once more without having made it, and breathing on his shrivelled
+hands to warm them, remained with his poor blue nose immovable above his
+plate, looking at nothing, with eyes that saw nothing, and a face that
+meant nothing. Take him in that state, and he was an embodiment of
+nothing. Nothing else.
+
+'Our clerk,' said Mr Jonas, as host and master of the ceremonies: 'Old
+Chuffey.'
+
+'Is he deaf?' inquired one of the young ladies.
+
+'No, I don't know that he is. He an't deaf, is he, father?'
+
+'I never heard him say he was,' replied the old man.
+
+'Blind?' inquired the young ladies.
+
+'N--no. I never understood that he was at all blind,' said Jonas,
+carelessly. 'You don't consider him so, do you, father?'
+
+'Certainly not,' replied Anthony.
+
+'What is he, then?'
+
+'Why, I'll tell you what he is,' said Mr Jonas, apart to the young
+ladies, 'he's precious old, for one thing; and I an't best pleased with
+him for that, for I think my father must have caught it of him. He's a
+strange old chap, for another,' he added in a louder voice, 'and don't
+understand any one hardly, but HIM!' He pointed to his honoured parent
+with the carving-fork, in order that they might know whom he meant.
+
+'How very strange!' cried the sisters.
+
+'Why, you see,' said Mr Jonas, 'he's been addling his old brains with
+figures and book-keeping all his life; and twenty years ago or so he
+went and took a fever. All the time he was out of his head (which was
+three weeks) he never left off casting up; and he got to so many million
+at last that I don't believe he's ever been quite right since. We don't
+do much business now though, and he an't a bad clerk.'
+
+'A very good one,' said Anthony.
+
+'Well! He an't a dear one at all events,' observed Jonas; 'and he earns
+his salt, which is enough for our look-out. I was telling you that he
+hardly understands any one except my father; he always understands him,
+though, and wakes up quite wonderful. He's been used to his ways so
+long, you see! Why, I've seen him play whist, with my father for a
+partner; and a good rubber too; when he had no more notion what sort of
+people he was playing against, than you have.'
+
+'Has he no appetite?' asked Merry.
+
+'Oh, yes,' said Jonas, plying his own knife and fork very fast. 'He
+eats--when he's helped. But he don't care whether he waits a minute or
+an hour, as long as father's here; so when I'm at all sharp set, as I am
+to-day, I come to him after I've taken the edge off my own hunger, you
+know. Now, Chuffey, stupid, are you ready?'
+
+Chuffey remained immovable.
+
+'Always a perverse old file, he was,' said Mr Jonas, coolly helping
+himself to another slice. 'Ask him, father.'
+
+'Are you ready for your dinner, Chuffey?' asked the old man
+
+'Yes, yes,' said Chuffey, lighting up into a sentient human creature at
+the first sound of the voice, so that it was at once a curious and quite
+a moving sight to see him. 'Yes, yes. Quite ready, Mr Chuzzlewit. Quite
+ready, sir. All ready, all ready, all ready.' With that he stopped,
+smilingly, and listened for some further address; but being spoken to
+no more, the light forsook his face by little and little, until he was
+nothing again.
+
+'He'll be very disagreeable, mind,' said Jonas, addressing his cousins
+as he handed the old man's portion to his father. 'He always chokes
+himself when it an't broth. Look at him, now! Did you ever see a horse
+with such a wall-eyed expression as he's got? If it hadn't been for the
+joke of it I wouldn't have let him come in to-day; but I thought he'd
+amuse you.'
+
+The poor old subject of this humane speech was, happily for himself, as
+unconscious of its purport as of most other remarks that were made in
+his presence. But the mutton being tough, and his gums weak, he quickly
+verified the statement relative to his choking propensities, and
+underwent so much in his attempts to dine, that Mr Jonas was infinitely
+amused; protesting that he had seldom seen him better company in all
+his life, and that he was enough to make a man split his sides with
+laughing. Indeed, he went so far as to assure the sisters, that in this
+point of view he considered Chuffey superior to his own father; which,
+as he significantly added, was saying a great deal.
+
+It was strange enough that Anthony Chuzzlewit, himself so old a man,
+should take a pleasure in these gibings of his estimable son at the
+expense of the poor shadow at their table. But he did, unquestionably;
+though not so much--to do him justice--with reference to their ancient
+clerk, as in exultation at the sharpness of Jonas. For the same reason
+that young man's coarse allusions, even to himself, filled him with a
+stealthy glee; causing him to rub his hands and chuckle covertly, as if
+he said in his sleeve, 'I taught him. I trained him. This is the heir of
+my bringing-up. Sly, cunning, and covetous, he'll not squander my money.
+I worked for this; I hoped for this; it has been the great end and aim
+of my life.'
+
+What a noble end and aim it was to contemplate in the attainment truly!
+But there be some who manufacture idols after the fashion of themselves,
+and fail to worship them when they are made; charging their deformity on
+outraged nature. Anthony was better than these at any rate.
+
+Chuffey boggled over his plate so long, that Mr Jonas, losing patience,
+took it from him at last with his own hands, and requested his father
+to signify to that venerable person that he had better 'peg away at his
+bread;' which Anthony did.
+
+'Aye, aye!' cried the old man, brightening up as before, when this was
+communicated to him in the same voice, 'quite right, quite right. He's
+your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit! Bless him for a sharp lad! Bless him, bless
+him!'
+
+Mr Jonas considered this so particularly childish (perhaps with some
+reason), that he only laughed the more, and told his cousins that he was
+afraid one of these fine days, Chuffey would be the death of him. The
+cloth was then removed, and the bottle of wine set upon the table, from
+which Mr Jonas filled the young ladies' glasses, calling on them not to
+spare it, as they might be certain there was plenty more where that came
+from. But he added with some haste after this sally that it was only his
+joke, and they wouldn't suppose him to be in earnest, he was sure.
+
+'I shall drink,' said Anthony, 'to Pecksniff. Your father, my dears. A
+clever man, Pecksniff. A wary man! A hypocrite, though, eh? A hypocrite,
+girls, eh? Ha, ha, ha! Well, so he is. Now, among friends, he is. I
+don't think the worse of him for that, unless it is that he overdoes it.
+You may overdo anything, my darlings. You may overdo even hypocrisy. Ask
+Jonas!'
+
+'You can't overdo taking care of yourself,' observed that hopeful
+gentleman with his mouth full.
+
+'Do you hear that, my dears?' cried Anthony, quite enraptured. 'Wisdom,
+wisdom! A good exception, Jonas. No. It's not easy to overdo that.'
+
+'Except,' whispered Mr Jonas to his favourite cousin, 'except when one
+lives too long. Ha, ha! Tell the other one that--I say!'
+
+'Good gracious me!' said Cherry, in a petulant manner. 'You can tell her
+yourself, if you wish, can't you?'
+
+'She seems to make such game of one,' replied Mr Jonas.
+
+'Then why need you trouble yourself about her?' said Charity. 'I am sure
+she doesn't trouble herself much about you.'
+
+'Don't she though?' asked Jonas.
+
+'Good gracious me, need I tell you that she don't?' returned the young
+lady.
+
+Mr Jonas made no verbal rejoinder, but he glanced at Mercy with an odd
+expression in his face; and said THAT wouldn't break his heart, she
+might depend upon it. Then he looked on Charity with even greater favour
+than before, and besought her, as his polite manner was, to 'come a
+little closer.'
+
+'There's another thing that's not easily overdone, father,' remarked
+Jonas, after a short silence.
+
+'What's that?' asked the father; grinning already in anticipation.
+
+'A bargain,' said the son. 'Here's the rule for bargains--"Do other men,
+for they would do you." That's the true business precept. All others are
+counterfeits.'
+
+The delighted father applauded this sentiment to the echo; and was so
+much tickled by it, that he was at the pains of imparting the same to
+his ancient clerk, who rubbed his hands, nodded his palsied head, winked
+his watery eyes, and cried in his whistling tones, 'Good! good! Your own
+son, Mr Chuzzlewit' with every feeble demonstration of delight that he
+was capable of making. But this old man's enthusiasm had the redeeming
+quality of being felt in sympathy with the only creature to whom he was
+linked by ties of long association, and by his present helplessness. And
+if there had been anybody there, who cared to think about it, some dregs
+of a better nature unawakened, might perhaps have been descried through
+that very medium, melancholy though it was, yet lingering at the bottom
+of the worn-out cask called Chuffey.
+
+As matters stood, nobody thought or said anything upon the subject; so
+Chuffey fell back into a dark corner on one side of the fireplace, where
+he always spent his evenings, and was neither seen nor heard again that
+night; save once, when a cup of tea was given him, in which he was seen
+to soak his bread mechanically. There was no reason to suppose that he
+went to sleep at these seasons, or that he heard, or saw, or felt, or
+thought. He remained, as it were, frozen up--if any term expressive of
+such a vigorous process can be applied to him--until he was again thawed
+for the moment by a word or touch from Anthony.
+
+Miss Charity made tea by desire of Mr Jonas, and felt and looked so
+like the lady of the house that she was in the prettiest confusion
+imaginable; the more so from Mr Jonas sitting close beside her, and
+whispering a variety of admiring expressions in her ear. Miss Mercy, for
+her part, felt the entertainment of the evening to be so distinctly
+and exclusively theirs, that she silently deplored the commercial
+gentlemen--at that moment, no doubt, wearying for her return--and yawned
+over yesterday's newspaper. As to Anthony, he went to sleep outright, so
+Jonas and Cherry had a clear stage to themselves as long as they chose
+to keep possession of it.
+
+When the tea-tray was taken away, as it was at last, Mr Jonas produced a
+dirty pack of cards, and entertained the sisters with divers small feats
+of dexterity: whereof the main purpose of every one was, that you were
+to decoy somebody into laying a wager with you that you couldn't do it;
+and were then immediately to win and pocket his money. Mr Jonas
+informed them that these accomplishments were in high vogue in the most
+intellectual circles, and that large amounts were constantly changing
+hands on such hazards. And it may be remarked that he fully believed
+this; for there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity
+of innocence; and in all matters where a lively faith in knavery and
+meanness was required as the ground-work of belief, Mr Jonas was one of
+the most credulous of men. His ignorance, which was stupendous, may be
+taken into account, if the reader pleases, separately.
+
+This fine young man had all the inclination to be a profligate of the
+first water, and only lacked the one good trait in the common catalogue
+of debauched vices--open-handedness--to be a notable vagabond. But there
+his griping and penurious habits stepped in; and as one poison will
+sometimes neutralise another, when wholesome remedies would not avail,
+so he was restrained by a bad passion from quaffing his full measure of
+evil, when virtue might have sought to hold him back in vain.
+
+By the time he had unfolded all the peddling schemes he knew upon the
+cards, it was growing late in the evening; and Mr Pecksniff not making
+his appearance, the young ladies expressed a wish to return home. But
+this, Mr Jonas, in his gallantry, would by no means allow, until they
+had partaken of some bread and cheese and porter; and even then he was
+excessively unwilling to allow them to depart; often beseeching Miss
+Charity to come a little closer, or to stop a little longer, and
+preferring many other complimentary petitions of that nature in his own
+hospitable and earnest way. When all his efforts to detain them were
+fruitless, he put on his hat and greatcoat preparatory to escorting them
+to Todgers's; remarking that he knew they would rather walk thither than
+ride; and that for his part he was quite of their opinion.
+
+'Good night,' said Anthony. 'Good night; remember me to--ha, ha, ha!--to
+Pecksniff. Take care of your cousin, my dears; beware of Jonas; he's a
+dangerous fellow. Don't quarrel for him, in any case!'
+
+'Oh, the creature!' cried Mercy. 'The idea of quarrelling for HIM! You
+may take him, Cherry, my love, all to yourself. I make you a present of
+my share.'
+
+'What! I'm a sour grape, am I, cousin?' said Jonas.
+
+Miss Charity was more entertained by this repartee than one would have
+supposed likely, considering its advanced age and simple character. But
+in her sisterly affection she took Mr Jonas to task for leaning so very
+hard upon a broken reed, and said that he must not be so cruel to poor
+Merry any more, or she (Charity) would positively be obliged to hate
+him. Mercy, who really had her share of good humour, only retorted with
+a laugh; and they walked home in consequence without any angry passages
+of words upon the way. Mr Jonas being in the middle, and having a cousin
+on each arm, sometimes squeezed the wrong one; so tightly too, as to
+cause her not a little inconvenience; but as he talked to Charity in
+whispers the whole time, and paid her great attention, no doubt this was
+an accidental circumstance. When they arrived at Todgers's, and the door
+was opened, Mercy broke hastily from them, and ran upstairs; but Charity
+and Jonas lingered on the steps talking together for more than five
+minutes; so, as Mrs Todgers observed next morning, to a third party, 'It
+was pretty clear what was going on THERE, and she was glad of it, for it
+really was high time that Miss Pecksniff thought of settling.'
+
+And now the day was coming on, when that bright vision which had burst
+on Todgers's so suddenly, and made a sunshine in the shady breast of
+Jinkins, was to be seen no more; when it was to be packed, like a brown
+paper parcel, or a fish-basket, or an oyster barrel or a fat gentleman,
+or any other dull reality of life, in a stagecoach and carried down into
+the country.
+
+'Never, my dear Miss Pecksniffs,' said Mrs Todgers, when they retired
+to rest on the last night of their stay, 'never have I seen an
+establishment so perfectly broken-hearted as mine is at this present
+moment of time. I don't believe the gentlemen will be the gentlemen they
+were, or anything like it--no, not for weeks to come. You have a great
+deal to answer for, both of you.'
+
+They modestly disclaimed any wilful agency in this disastrous state of
+things, and regretted it very much.
+
+'Your pious pa, too,' said Mrs Todgers. 'There's a loss! My dear Miss
+Pecksniffs, your pa is a perfect missionary of peace and love.'
+
+Entertaining an uncertainty as to the particular kind of love supposed
+to be comprised in Mr Pecksniff's mission, the young ladies received the
+compliment rather coldly.
+
+'If I dared,' said Mrs Todgers, perceiving this, 'to violate a
+confidence which has been reposed in me, and to tell you why I must beg
+of you to leave the little door between your room and mine open tonight,
+I think you would be interested. But I mustn't do it, for I promised Mr
+Jinkins faithfully, that I would be as silent as the tomb.'
+
+'Dear Mrs Todgers! What can you mean?'
+
+'Why, then, my sweet Miss Pecksniffs,' said the lady of the house; 'my
+own loves, if you will allow me the privilege of taking that freedom on
+the eve of our separation, Mr Jinkins and the gentlemen have made up
+a little musical party among themselves, and DO intend, in the dead of
+this night, to perform a serenade upon the stairs outside the door. I
+could have wished, I own,' said Mrs Todgers, with her usual foresight,
+'that it had been fixed to take place an hour or two earlier; because
+when gentlemen sit up late they drink, and when they drink they're not
+so musical, perhaps, as when they don't. But this is the arrangement;
+and I know you will be gratified, my dear Miss Pecksniffs, by such a
+mark of their attention.'
+
+The young ladies were at first so much excited by the news, that they
+vowed they couldn't think of going to bed until the serenade was over.
+But half an hour of cool waiting so altered their opinion that they not
+only went to bed, but fell asleep; and were, moreover, not ecstatically
+charmed to be awakened some time afterwards by certain dulcet strains
+breaking in upon the silent watches of the night.
+
+It was very affecting--very. Nothing more dismal could have been desired
+by the most fastidious taste. The gentleman of a vocal turn was head
+mute, or chief mourner; Jinkins took the bass; and the rest took
+anything they could get. The youngest gentleman blew his melancholy into
+a flute. He didn't blow much out of it, but that was all the better.
+If the two Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers had perished by spontaneous
+combustion, and the serenade had been in honour of their ashes, it would
+have been impossible to surpass the unutterable despair expressed in
+that one chorus, 'Go where glory waits thee!' It was a requiem, a dirge,
+a moan, a howl, a wail, a lament, an abstract of everything that is
+sorrowful and hideous in sound. The flute of the youngest gentleman was
+wild and fitful. It came and went in gusts, like the wind. For a long
+time together he seemed to have left off, and when it was quite settled
+by Mrs Todgers and the young ladies that, overcome by his feelings, he
+had retired in tears, he unexpectedly turned up again at the very top of
+the tune, gasping for breath. He was a tremendous performer. There was
+no knowing where to have him; and exactly when you thought he was doing
+nothing at all, then was he doing the very thing that ought to astonish
+you most.
+
+There were several of these concerted pieces; perhaps two or three too
+many, though that, as Mrs Todgers said, was a fault on the right side.
+But even then, even at that solemn moment, when the thrilling sounds may
+be presumed to have penetrated into the very depths of his nature, if he
+had any depths, Jinkins couldn't leave the youngest gentleman alone. He
+asked him distinctly, before the second song began--as a personal favour
+too, mark the villain in that--not to play. Yes; he said so; not to
+play. The breathing of the youngest gentleman was heard through the
+key-hole of the door. He DIDN'T play. What vent was a flute for the
+passions swelling up within his breast? A trombone would have been a
+world too mild.
+
+The serenade approached its close. Its crowning interest was at hand.
+The gentleman of a literary turn had written a song on the departure of
+the ladies, and adapted it to an old tune. They all joined, except
+the youngest gentleman in company, who, for the reasons aforesaid,
+maintained a fearful silence. The song (which was of a classical nature)
+invoked the oracle of Apollo, and demanded to know what would become
+of Todgers's when CHARITY and MERCY were banished from its walls. The
+oracle delivered no opinion particularly worth remembering, according
+to the not infrequent practice of oracles from the earliest ages down to
+the present time. In the absence of enlightenment on that subject, the
+strain deserted it, and went on to show that the Miss Pecksniffs were
+nearly related to Rule Britannia, and that if Great Britain hadn't been
+an island, there could have been no Miss Pecksniffs. And being now on a
+nautical tack, it closed with this verse:
+
+     'All hail to the vessel of Pecksniff the sire!
+            And favouring breezes to fan;
+     While Tritons flock round it, and proudly admire
+            The architect, artist, and man!'
+
+As they presented this beautiful picture to the imagination, the
+gentlemen gradually withdrew to bed to give the music the effect of
+distance; and so it died away, and Todgers's was left to its repose.
+
+Mr Bailey reserved his vocal offering until the morning, when he put
+his head into the room as the young ladies were kneeling before their
+trunks, packing up, and treated them to an imitation of the voice of
+a young dog in trying circumstances; when that animal is supposed by
+persons of a lively fancy, to relieve his feelings by calling for pen
+and ink.
+
+'Well, young ladies,' said the youth, 'so you're a-going home, are you,
+worse luck?'
+
+'Yes, Bailey, we're going home,' returned Mercy.
+
+'An't you a-going to leave none of 'em a lock of your hair?' inquired
+the youth. 'It's real, an't it?'
+
+They laughed at this, and told him of course it was.
+
+'Oh, is it of course, though?' said Bailey. 'I know better than that.
+Hers an't. Why, I see it hanging up once, on that nail by the winder.
+Besides, I have gone behind her at dinner-time and pulled it; and she
+never know'd. I say, young ladies, I'm a-going to leave. I an't a-going
+to stand being called names by her, no longer.'
+
+Miss Mercy inquired what his plans for the future might be; in reply to
+whom Mr Bailey intimated that he thought of going either into top-boots,
+or into the army.
+
+'Into the army!' cried the young ladies, with a laugh.
+
+'Ah!' said Bailey, 'why not? There's a many drummers in the Tower. I'm
+acquainted with 'em. Don't their country set a valley on 'em, mind you!
+Not at all!'
+
+'You'll be shot, I see,' observed Mercy.
+
+'Well!' cried Mr Bailey, 'wot if I am? There's something gamey in it,
+young ladies, an't there? I'd sooner be hit with a cannon-ball than a
+rolling-pin, and she's always a-catching up something of that sort, and
+throwing it at me, when the gentlemans' appetites is good. Wot,' said
+Mr Bailey, stung by the recollection of his wrongs, 'wot, if they DO
+consume the per-vishuns. It an't MY fault, is it?'
+
+'Surely no one says it is,' said Mercy.
+
+'Don't they though?' retorted the youth. 'No. Yes. Ah! oh! No one mayn't
+say it is! but some one knows it is. But I an't a-going to have every
+rise in prices wisited on me. I an't a-going to be killed because
+the markets is dear. I won't stop. And therefore,' added Mr Bailey,
+relenting into a smile, 'wotever you mean to give me, you'd better give
+me all at once, becos if ever you come back agin, I shan't be here; and
+as to the other boy, HE won't deserve nothing, I know.'
+
+The young ladies, on behalf of Mr Pecksniff and themselves, acted
+on this thoughtful advice; and in consideration of their private
+friendship, presented Mr Bailey with a gratuity so liberal that he could
+hardly do enough to show his gratitude; which found but an imperfect
+vent, during the remainder of the day, in divers secret slaps upon his
+pocket, and other such facetious pantomime. Nor was it confined to these
+ebullitions; for besides crushing a bandbox, with a bonnet in it, he
+seriously damaged Mr Pecksniff's luggage, by ardently hauling it down
+from the top of the house; and in short evinced, by every means in his
+power, a lively sense of the favours he had received from that gentleman
+and his family.
+
+Mr Pecksniff and Mr Jinkins came home to dinner arm-in-arm; for the
+latter gentleman had made half-holiday on purpose; thus gaining an
+immense advantage over the youngest gentleman and the rest, whose time,
+as it perversely chanced, was all bespoke, until the evening. The bottle
+of wine was Mr Pecksniff's treat, and they were very sociable indeed;
+though full of lamentations on the necessity of parting. While they were
+in the midst of their enjoyment, old Anthony and his son were announced;
+much to the surprise of Mr Pecksniff, and greatly to the discomfiture of
+Jinkins.
+
+'Come to say good-bye, you see,' said Anthony, in a low voice, to Mr
+Pecksniff, as they took their seats apart at the table, while the rest
+conversed among themselves. 'Where's the use of a division between
+you and me? We are the two halves of a pair of scissors, when apart,
+Pecksniff; but together we are something. Eh?'
+
+'Unanimity, my good sir,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff, 'is always delightful.'
+
+'I don't know about that,' said the old man, 'for there are some people
+I would rather differ from than agree with. But you know my opinion of
+you.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff, still having 'hypocrite' in his mind, only replied by a
+motion of his head, which was something between an affirmative bow, and
+a negative shake.
+
+'Complimentary,' said Anthony. 'Complimentary, upon my word. It was an
+involuntary tribute to your abilities, even at the time; and it was not
+a time to suggest compliments either. But we agreed in the coach, you
+know, that we quite understood each other.'
+
+'Oh, quite!' assented Mr Pecksniff, in a manner which implied that he
+himself was misunderstood most cruelly, but would not complain.
+
+Anthony glanced at his son as he sat beside Miss Charity, and then at Mr
+Pecksniff, and then at his son again, very many times. It happened that
+Mr Pecksniff's glances took a similar direction; but when he became
+aware of it, he first cast down his eyes, and then closed them; as if he
+were determined that the old man should read nothing there.
+
+'Jonas is a shrewd lad,' said the old man.
+
+'He appears,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff in his most candid manner, 'to be
+very shrewd.'
+
+'And careful,' said the old man.
+
+'And careful, I have no doubt,' returned Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Look ye!' said Anthony in his ear. 'I think he is sweet upon you
+daughter.'
+
+'Tut, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, with his eyes still closed;
+'young people--young people--a kind of cousins, too--no more sweetness
+than is in that, sir.'
+
+'Why, there is very little sweetness in that, according to our
+experience,' returned Anthony. 'Isn't there a trifle more here?'
+
+'Impossible to say,' rejoined Mr Pecksniff. 'Quite impossible! You
+surprise me.'
+
+'Yes, I know that,' said the old man, drily. 'It may last; I mean the
+sweetness, not the surprise; and it may die off. Supposing it should
+last, perhaps (you having feathered your nest pretty well, and I having
+done the same), we might have a mutual interest in the matter.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff, smiling gently, was about to speak, but Anthony stopped
+him.
+
+'I know what you are going to say. It's quite unnecessary. You have
+never thought of this for a moment; and in a point so nearly affecting
+the happiness of your dear child, you couldn't, as a tender father,
+express an opinion; and so forth. Yes, quite right. And like you! But it
+seems to me, my dear Pecksniff,' added Anthony, laying his hand upon
+his sleeve, 'that if you and I kept up the joke of pretending not to see
+this, one of us might possibly be placed in a position of disadvantage;
+and as I am very unwilling to be that party myself, you will excuse my
+taking the liberty of putting the matter beyond a doubt thus early; and
+having it distinctly understood, as it is now, that we do see it, and do
+know it. Thank you for your attention. We are now upon an equal footing;
+which is agreeable to us both, I am sure.'
+
+He rose as he spoke; and giving Mr Pecksniff a nod of intelligence,
+moved away from him to where the young people were sitting; leaving that
+good man somewhat puzzled and discomfited by such very plain dealing,
+and not quite free from a sense of having been foiled in the exercise of
+his familiar weapons.
+
+But the night-coach had a punctual character, and it was time to join
+it at the office; which was so near at hand that they had already sent
+their luggage and arranged to walk. Thither the whole party repaired,
+therefore, after no more delay than sufficed for the equipment of the
+Miss Pecksniffs and Mrs Todgers. They found the coach already at its
+starting-place, and the horses in; there, too, were a large majority
+of the commercial gentlemen, including the youngest, who was visibly
+agitated, and in a state of deep mental dejection.
+
+Nothing could equal the distress of Mrs Todgers in parting from the
+young ladies, except the strong emotions with which she bade adieu to Mr
+Pecksniff. Never surely was a pocket-handkerchief taken in and out of
+a flat reticule so often as Mrs Todgers's was, as she stood upon the
+pavement by the coach-door supported on either side by a commercial
+gentleman; and by the sight of the coach-lamps caught such brief
+snatches and glimpses of the good man's face, as the constant
+interposition of Mr Jinkins allowed. For Jinkins, to the last the
+youngest gentleman's rock a-head in life, stood upon the coachstep
+talking to the ladies. Upon the other step was Mr Jonas, who maintained
+that position in right of his cousinship; whereas the youngest
+gentleman, who had been first upon the ground, was deep in the
+booking-office among the black and red placards, and the portraits of
+fast coaches, where he was ignominiously harassed by porters, and had to
+contend and strive perpetually with heavy baggage. This false
+position, combined with his nervous excitement, brought about the very
+consummation and catastrophe of his miseries; for when in the moment of
+parting he aimed a flower, a hothouse flower that had cost money, at the
+fair hand of Mercy, it reached, instead, the coachman on the box, who
+thanked him kindly, and stuck it in his buttonhole.
+
+They were off now; and Todgers's was alone again. The two young ladies,
+leaning back in their separate corners, resigned themselves to their
+own regretful thoughts. But Mr Pecksniff, dismissing all ephemeral
+considerations of social pleasure and enjoyment, concentrated his
+meditations on the one great virtuous purpose before him, of casting
+out that ingrate and deceiver, whose presence yet troubled his domestic
+hearth, and was a sacrilege upon the altars of his household gods.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWELVE
+
+WILL BE SEEN IN THE LONG RUN, IF NOT IN THE SHORT ONE, TO CONCERN MR
+PINCH AND OTHERS, NEARLY. MR PECKSNIFF ASSERTS THE DIGNITY OF OUTRAGED
+VIRTUE. YOUNG MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT FORMS A DESPERATE RESOLUTION
+
+
+Mr Pinch and Martin, little dreaming of the stormy weather that
+impended, made themselves very comfortable in the Pecksniffian halls,
+and improved their friendship daily. Martin's facility, both of
+invention and execution, being remarkable, the grammar-school proceeded
+with great vigour; and Tom repeatedly declared, that if there were
+anything like certainty in human affairs, or impartiality in human
+judges, a design so new and full of merit could not fail to carry off
+the first prize when the time of competition arrived. Without being
+quite so sanguine himself, Martin had his hopeful anticipations too; and
+they served to make him brisk and eager at his task.
+
+'If I should turn out a great architect, Tom,' said the new pupil one
+day, as he stood at a little distance from his drawing, and eyed it with
+much complacency, 'I'll tell you what should be one of the things I'd
+build.'
+
+'Aye!' cried Tom. 'What?'
+
+'Why, your fortune.'
+
+'No!' said Tom Pinch, quite as much delighted as if the thing were done.
+'Would you though? How kind of you to say so.'
+
+'I'd build it up, Tom,' returned Martin, 'on such a strong foundation,
+that it should last your life--aye, and your children's lives too, and
+their children's after them. I'd be your patron, Tom. I'd take you under
+my protection. Let me see the man who should give the cold shoulder to
+anybody I chose to protect and patronise, if I were at the top of the
+tree, Tom!'
+
+'Now, I don't think,' said Mr Pinch, 'upon my word, that I was ever more
+gratified than by this. I really don't.'
+
+'Oh! I mean what I say,' retorted Martin, with a manner as free and easy
+in its condescension to, not to say in its compassion for, the other, as
+if he were already First Architect in ordinary to all the Crowned Heads
+in Europe. 'I'd do it. I'd provide for you.'
+
+'I am afraid,' said Tom, shaking his head, 'that I should be a mighty
+awkward person to provide for.'
+
+'Pooh, pooh!' rejoined Martin. 'Never mind that. If I took it in my head
+to say, "Pinch is a clever fellow; I approve of Pinch;" I should like
+to know the man who would venture to put himself in opposition to me.
+Besides, confound it, Tom, you could be useful to me in a hundred ways.'
+
+'If I were not useful in one or two, it shouldn't be for want of
+trying,' said Tom.
+
+'For instance,' pursued Martin, after a short reflection, 'you'd be a
+capital fellow, now, to see that my ideas were properly carried out; and
+to overlook the works in their progress before they were sufficiently
+advanced to be very interesting to ME; and to take all that sort of
+plain sailing. Then you'd be a splendid fellow to show people over my
+studio, and to talk about Art to 'em, when I couldn't be bored myself,
+and all that kind of thing. For it would be devilish creditable, Tom
+(I'm quite in earnest, I give you my word), to have a man of your
+information about one, instead of some ordinary blockhead. Oh, I'd take
+care of you. You'd be useful, rely upon it!'
+
+To say that Tom had no idea of playing first fiddle in any social
+orchestra, but was always quite satisfied to be set down for the hundred
+and fiftieth violin in the band, or thereabouts, is to express his
+modesty in very inadequate terms. He was much delighted, therefore, by
+these observations.
+
+'I should be married to her then, Tom, of course,' said Martin.
+
+What was that which checked Tom Pinch so suddenly, in the high flow
+of his gladness; bringing the blood into his honest cheeks, and a
+remorseful feeling to his honest heart, as if he were unworthy of his
+friend's regard?
+
+'I should be married to her then,' said Martin, looking with a smile
+towards the light; 'and we should have, I hope, children about us.
+They'd be very fond of you, Tom.'
+
+But not a word said Mr Pinch. The words he would have uttered died upon
+his lips, and found a life more spiritual in self-denying thoughts.
+
+'All the children hereabouts are fond of you, Tom, and mine would be,
+of course,' pursued Martin. 'Perhaps I might name one of 'em after
+you. Tom, eh? Well, I don't know. Tom's not a bad name. Thomas Pinch
+Chuzzlewit. T. P. C. on his pinafores--no objection to that, I should
+say?'
+
+Tom cleared his throat, and smiled.
+
+'SHE would like you, Tom, I know,' said Martin.
+
+'Aye!' cried Tom Pinch, faintly.
+
+'I can tell exactly what she would think of you,' said Martin leaning
+his chin upon his hand, and looking through the window-glass as if he
+read there what he said; 'I know her so well. She would smile, Tom,
+often at first when you spoke to her, or when she looked at you--merrily
+too--but you wouldn't mind that. A brighter smile you never saw.'
+
+'No, no,' said Tom. 'I wouldn't mind that.'
+
+'She would be as tender with you, Tom,' said Martin, 'as if you were a
+child yourself. So you are almost, in some things, an't you, Tom?'
+
+Mr Pinch nodded his entire assent.
+
+'She would always be kind and good-humoured, and glad to see you,' said
+Martin; 'and when she found out exactly what sort of fellow you were
+(which she'd do very soon), she would pretend to give you little
+commissions to execute, and to ask little services of you, which she
+knew you were burning to render; so that when she really pleased you
+most, she would try to make you think you most pleased her. She
+would take to you uncommonly, Tom; and would understand you far more
+delicately than I ever shall; and would often say, I know, that you were
+a harmless, gentle, well-intentioned, good fellow.'
+
+How silent Tom Pinch was!
+
+'In honour of old time,' said Martin, 'and of her having heard you play
+the organ in this damp little church down here--for nothing too--we will
+have one in the house. I shall build an architectural music-room on a
+plan of my own, and it'll look rather knowing in a recess at one end.
+There you shall play away, Tom, till you tire yourself; and, as you like
+to do so in the dark, it shall BE dark; and many's the summer evening
+she and I will sit and listen to you, Tom; be sure of that!'
+
+It may have required a stronger effort on Tom Pinch's part to leave the
+seat on which he sat, and shake his friend by both hands, with nothing
+but serenity and grateful feeling painted on his face; it may have
+required a stronger effort to perform this simple act with a pure heart,
+than to achieve many and many a deed to which the doubtful trumpet blown
+by Fame has lustily resounded. Doubtful, because from its long hovering
+over scenes of violence, the smoke and steam of death have clogged the
+keys of that brave instrument; and it is not always that its notes are
+either true or tuneful.
+
+'It's a proof of the kindness of human nature,' said Tom,
+characteristically putting himself quite out of sight in the matter,
+'that everybody who comes here, as you have done, is more considerate
+and affectionate to me than I should have any right to hope, if I were
+the most sanguine creature in the world; or should have any power to
+express, if I were the most eloquent. It really overpowers me. But trust
+me,' said Tom, 'that I am not ungrateful--that I never forget--and that
+if I can ever prove the truth of my words to you, I will.'
+
+'That's all right,' observed Martin, leaning back in his chair with a
+hand in each pocket, and yawning drearily. 'Very fine talking, Tom;
+but I'm at Pecksniff's, I remember, and perhaps a mile or so out of the
+high-road to fortune just at this minute. So you've heard again this
+morning from what's his name, eh?'
+
+'Who may that be?' asked Tom, seeming to enter a mild protest on behalf
+of the dignity of an absent person.
+
+'YOU know. What is it? Northkey.'
+
+'Westlock,' rejoined Tom, in rather a louder tone than usual.
+
+'Ah! to be sure,' said Martin, 'Westlock. I knew it was something
+connected with a point of the compass and a door. Well! and what says
+Westlock?'
+
+'Oh! he has come into his property,' answered Tom, nodding his head, and
+smiling.
+
+'He's a lucky dog,' said Martin. 'I wish it were mine instead. Is that
+all the mystery you were to tell me?'
+
+'No,' said Tom; 'not all.'
+
+'What's the rest?' asked Martin.
+
+'For the matter of that,' said Tom, 'it's no mystery, and you won't
+think much of it; but it's very pleasant to me. John always used to say
+when he was here, "Mark my words, Pinch. When my father's executors cash
+up"--he used strange expressions now and then, but that was his way.'
+
+'Cash-up's a very good expression,' observed Martin, 'when other people
+don't apply it to you. Well!--What a slow fellow you are, Pinch!'
+
+'Yes, I am I know,' said Tom; 'but you'll make me nervous if you tell me
+so. I'm afraid you have put me out a little now, for I forget what I was
+going to say.'
+
+'When John's father's executors cashed up,' said Martin impatiently.
+
+'Oh yes, to be sure,' cried Tom; 'yes. "Then," says John, "I'll give you
+a dinner, Pinch, and come down to Salisbury on purpose." Now, when John
+wrote the other day--the morning Pecksniff left, you know--he said his
+business was on the point of being immediately settled, and as he was to
+receive his money directly, when could I meet him at Salisbury? I wrote
+and said, any day this week; and I told him besides, that there was a
+new pupil here, and what a fine fellow you were, and what friends we
+had become. Upon which John writes back this letter'--Tom produced
+it--'fixes to-morrow; sends his compliments to you; and begs that we
+three may have the pleasure of dining together; not at the house where
+you and I were, either; but at the very first hotel in the town. Read
+what he says.'
+
+'Very well,' said Martin, glancing over it with his customary coolness;
+'much obliged to him. I'm agreeable.'
+
+Tom could have wished him to be a little more astonished, a little more
+pleased, or in some form or other a little more interested in such a
+great event. But he was perfectly self-possessed; and falling into his
+favourite solace of whistling, took another turn at the grammar-school,
+as if nothing at all had happened.
+
+Mr Pecksniff's horse being regarded in the light of a sacred animal,
+only to be driven by him, the chief priest of that temple, or by some
+person distinctly nominated for the time being to that high office by
+himself, the two young men agreed to walk to Salisbury; and so, when the
+time came, they set off on foot; which was, after all, a better mode of
+travelling than in the gig, as the weather was very cold and very dry.
+
+Better! A rare strong, hearty, healthy walk--four statute miles an
+hour--preferable to that rumbling, tumbling, jolting, shaking, scraping,
+creaking, villanous old gig? Why, the two things will not admit of
+comparison. It is an insult to the walk, to set them side by side. Where
+is an instance of a gig having ever circulated a man's blood, unless
+when, putting him in danger of his neck, it awakened in his veins and in
+his ears, and all along his spine, a tingling heat, much more peculiar
+than agreeable? When did a gig ever sharpen anybody's wits and energies,
+unless it was when the horse bolted, and, crashing madly down a steep
+hill with a stone wall at the bottom, his desperate circumstances
+suggested to the only gentleman left inside, some novel and unheard-of
+mode of dropping out behind? Better than the gig!
+
+The air was cold, Tom; so it was, there was no denying it; but would
+it have been more genial in the gig? The blacksmith's fire burned very
+bright, and leaped up high, as though it wanted men to warm; but would
+it have been less tempting, looked at from the clammy cushions of a gig?
+The wind blew keenly, nipping the features of the hardy wight who fought
+his way along; blinding him with his own hair if he had enough to it,
+and wintry dust if he hadn't; stopping his breath as though he had been
+soused in a cold bath; tearing aside his wrappings-up, and whistling in
+the very marrow of his bones; but it would have done all this a hundred
+times more fiercely to a man in a gig, wouldn't it? A fig for gigs!
+
+Better than the gig! When were travellers by wheels and hoofs seen with
+such red-hot cheeks as those? when were they so good-humouredly and
+merrily bloused? when did their laughter ring upon the air, as they
+turned them round, what time the stronger gusts came sweeping up; and,
+facing round again as they passed by, dashed on, in such a glow of
+ruddy health as nothing could keep pace with, but the high spirits it
+engendered? Better than the gig! Why, here is a man in a gig coming
+the same way now. Look at him as he passes his whip into his left hand,
+chafes his numbed right fingers on his granite leg, and beats those
+marble toes of his upon the foot-board. Ha, ha, ha! Who would exchange
+this rapid hurry of the blood for yonder stagnant misery, though its
+pace were twenty miles for one?
+
+Better than the gig! No man in a gig could have such interest in the
+milestones. No man in a gig could see, or feel, or think, like merry
+users of their legs. How, as the wind sweeps on, upon these breezy
+downs, it tracks its flight in darkening ripples on the grass, and
+smoothest shadows on the hills! Look round and round upon this bare
+bleak plain, and see even here, upon a winter's day, how beautiful
+the shadows are! Alas! it is the nature of their kind to be so. The
+loveliest things in life, Tom, are but shadows; and they come and go,
+and change and fade away, as rapidly as these!
+
+Another mile, and then begins a fall of snow, making the crow, who skims
+away so close above the ground to shirk the wind, a blot of ink upon the
+landscape. But though it drives and drifts against them as they walk,
+stiffening on their skirts, and freezing in the lashes of their eyes,
+they wouldn't have it fall more sparingly, no, not so much as by a
+single flake, although they had to go a score of miles. And, lo! the
+towers of the Old Cathedral rise before them, even now! and by-and-bye
+they come into the sheltered streets, made strangely silent by their
+white carpet; and so to the Inn for which they are bound; where they
+present such flushed and burning faces to the cold waiter, and are so
+brimful of vigour, that he almost feels assaulted by their presence;
+and, having nothing to oppose to the attack (being fresh, or rather
+stale, from the blazing fire in the coffee-room), is quite put out of
+his pale countenance.
+
+A famous Inn! the hall a very grove of dead game, and dangling joints
+of mutton; and in one corner an illustrious larder, with glass doors,
+developing cold fowls and noble joints, and tarts wherein the raspberry
+jam coyly withdrew itself, as such a precious creature should, behind a
+lattice work of pastry. And behold, on the first floor, at the court-end
+of the house, in a room with all the window-curtains drawn, a fire piled
+half-way up the chimney, plates warming before it, wax candles gleaming
+everywhere, and a table spread for three, with silver and glass enough
+for thirty--John Westlock; not the old John of Pecksniff's, but a proper
+gentleman; looking another and a grander person, with the consciousness
+of being his own master and having money in the bank; and yet in some
+respects the old John too, for he seized Tom Pinch by both his hands the
+instant he appeared, and fairly hugged him, in his cordial welcome.
+
+'And this,' said John, 'is Mr Chuzzlewit. I am very glad to see
+him!'--John had an off-hand manner of his own; so they shook hands
+warmly, and were friends in no time.
+
+'Stand off a moment, Tom,' cried the old pupil, laying one hand on each
+of Mr Pinch's shoulders, and holding him out at arm's length. 'Let me
+look at you! Just the same! Not a bit changed!'
+
+'Why, it's not so very long ago, you know,' said Tom Pinch, 'after all.'
+
+'It seems an age to me,' cried John, 'and so it ought to seem to you,
+you dog.' And then he pushed Tom down into the easiest chair, and
+clapped him on the back so heartily, and so like his old self in their
+old bedroom at old Pecksniff's that it was a toss-up with Tom Pinch
+whether he should laugh or cry. Laughter won it; and they all three
+laughed together.
+
+'I have ordered everything for dinner, that we used to say we'd have,
+Tom,' observed John Westlock.
+
+'No!' said Tom Pinch. 'Have you?'
+
+'Everything. Don't laugh, if you can help it, before the waiters. I
+couldn't when I was ordering it. It's like a dream.'
+
+John was wrong there, because nobody ever dreamed such soup as was put
+upon the table directly afterwards; or such fish; or such side-dishes;
+or such a top and bottom; or such a course of birds and sweets; or
+in short anything approaching the reality of that entertainment at
+ten-and-sixpence a head, exclusive of wines. As to THEM, the man who can
+dream such iced champagne, such claret, port, or sherry, had better go
+to bed and stop there.
+
+But perhaps the finest feature of the banquet was, that nobody was half
+so much amazed by everything as John himself, who in his high delight
+was constantly bursting into fits of laughter, and then endeavouring
+to appear preternaturally solemn, lest the waiters should conceive he
+wasn't used to it. Some of the things they brought him to carve, were
+such outrageous practical jokes, though, that it was impossible to stand
+it; and when Tom Pinch insisted, in spite of the deferential advice of
+an attendant, not only on breaking down the outer wall of a raised pie
+with a tablespoon, but on trying to eat it afterwards, John lost all
+dignity, and sat behind the gorgeous dish-cover at the head of the
+table, roaring to that extent that he was audible in the kitchen. Nor
+had he the least objection to laugh at himself, as he demonstrated when
+they had all three gathered round the fire and the dessert was on
+the table; at which period the head waiter inquired with respectful
+solicitude whether that port, being a light and tawny wine, was suited
+to his taste, or whether he would wish to try a fruity port with greater
+body. To this John gravely answered that he was well satisfied with what
+he had, which he esteemed, as one might say, a pretty tidy vintage;
+for which the waiter thanked him and withdrew. And then John told his
+friends, with a broad grin, that he supposed it was all right, but he
+didn't know; and went off into a perfect shout.
+
+They were very merry and full of enjoyment the whole time, but not the
+least pleasant part of the festival was when they all three sat about
+the fire, cracking nuts, drinking wine and talking cheerfully. It
+happened that Tom Pinch had a word to say to his friend the organist's
+assistant, and so deserted his warm corner for a few minutes at this
+season, lest it should grow too late; leaving the other two young men
+together.
+
+They drank his health in his absence, of course; and John Westlock took
+that opportunity of saying, that he had never had even a peevish word
+with Tom during the whole term of their residence in Mr Pecksniff's
+house. This naturally led him to dwell upon Tom's character, and to hint
+that Mr Pecksniff understood it pretty well. He only hinted this, and
+very distantly; knowing that it pained Tom Pinch to have that gentleman
+disparaged, and thinking it would be as well to leave the new pupil to
+his own discoveries.
+
+'Yes,' said Martin. 'It's impossible to like Pinch better than I do,
+or to do greater justice to his good qualities. He is the most willing
+fellow I ever saw.'
+
+'He's rather too willing,' observed John, who was quick in observation.
+'It's quite a fault in him.'
+
+'So it is,' said Martin. 'Very true. There was a fellow only a week or
+so ago--a Mr Tigg--who borrowed all the money he had, on a promise to
+repay it in a few days. It was but half a sovereign, to be sure; but
+it's well it was no more, for he'll never see it again.'
+
+'Poor fellow!' said John, who had been very attentive to these few
+words. 'Perhaps you have not had an opportunity of observing that, in
+his own pecuniary transactions, Tom's proud.'
+
+'You don't say so! No, I haven't. What do you mean? Won't he borrow?'
+
+John Westlock shook his head.
+
+'That's very odd,' said Martin, setting down his empty glass. 'He's a
+strange compound, to be sure.'
+
+'As to receiving money as a gift,' resumed John Westlock; 'I think he'd
+die first.'
+
+'He's made up of simplicity,' said Martin. 'Help yourself.'
+
+'You, however,' pursued John, filling his own glass, and looking at his
+companion with some curiosity, 'who are older than the majority of Mr
+Pecksniff's assistants, and have evidently had much more experience,
+understand him, I have no doubt, and see how liable he is to be imposed
+upon.'
+
+'Certainly,' said Martin, stretching out his legs, and holding his wine
+between his eye and the light. 'Mr Pecksniff knows that too. So do his
+daughters. Eh?'
+
+John Westlock smiled, but made no answer.
+
+'By the bye,' said Martin, 'that reminds me. What's your opinion of
+Pecksniff? How did he use you? What do you think of him now?--Coolly,
+you know, when it's all over?'
+
+'Ask Pinch,' returned the old pupil. 'He knows what my sentiments used
+to be upon the subject. They are not changed, I assure you.'
+
+'No, no,' said Martin, 'I'd rather have them from you.'
+
+'But Pinch says they are unjust,' urged John with a smile.
+
+'Oh! well! Then I know what course they take beforehand,' said Martin;
+'and, therefore, you can have no delicacy in speaking plainly. Don't
+mind me, I beg. I don't like him I tell you frankly. I am with him
+because it happens from particular circumstances to suit my convenience.
+I have some ability, I believe, in that way; and the obligation, if any,
+will most likely be on his side and not mine. At the lowest mark, the
+balance will be even, and there'll be no obligation at all. So you may
+talk to me, as if I had no connection with him.'
+
+'If you press me to give my opinion--' returned John Westlock.
+
+'Yes, I do,' said Martin. 'You'll oblige me.'
+
+'--I should say,' resumed the other, 'that he is the most consummate
+scoundrel on the face of the earth.'
+
+'Oh!' said Martin, as coolly as ever. 'That's rather strong.'
+
+'Not stronger than he deserves,' said John; 'and if he called upon me
+to express my opinion of him to his face, I would do so in the very same
+terms, without the least qualification. His treatment of Pinch is in
+itself enough to justify them; but when I look back upon the five years
+I passed in that house, and remember the hyprocrisy, the knavery, the
+meannesses, the false pretences, the lip service of that fellow, and
+his trading in saintly semblances for the very worst realities; when
+I remember how often I was the witness of all this and how often I was
+made a kind of party to it, by the fact of being there, with him for my
+teacher; I swear to you that I almost despise myself.'
+
+Martin drained his glass, and looked at the fire.
+
+'I don't mean to say that is a right feeling,' pursued John Westlock
+'because it was no fault of mine; and I can quite understand--you for
+instance, fully appreciating him, and yet being forced by circumstances
+to remain there. I tell you simply what my feeling is; and even now,
+when, as you say, it's all over; and when I have the satisfaction of
+knowing that he always hated me, and we always quarrelled, and I always
+told him my mind; even now, I feel sorry that I didn't yield to an
+impulse I often had, as a boy, of running away from him and going
+abroad.'
+
+'Why abroad?' asked Martin, turning his eyes upon the speaker.
+
+'In search,' replied John Westlock, shrugging his shoulders, 'of
+the livelihood I couldn't have earned at home. There would have been
+something spirited in that. But, come! Fill your glass, and let us
+forget him.'
+
+'As soon as you please,' said Martin. 'In reference to myself and my
+connection with him, I have only to repeat what I said before. I have
+taken my own way with him so far, and shall continue to do so, even more
+than ever; for the fact is, to tell you the truth, that I believe he
+looks to me to supply his defects, and couldn't afford to lose me. I had
+a notion of that in first going there. Your health!'
+
+'Thank you,' returned young Westlock. 'Yours. And may the new pupil turn
+out as well as you can desire!'
+
+'What new pupil?'
+
+'The fortunate youth, born under an auspicious star,' returned John
+Westlock, laughing; 'whose parents, or guardians, are destined to be
+hooked by the advertisement. What! Don't you know that he has advertised
+again?'
+
+'No.'
+
+'Oh, yes. I read it just before dinner in the old newspaper. I know it
+to be his; having some reason to remember the style. Hush! Here's Pinch.
+Strange, is it not, that the more he likes Pecksniff (if he can like him
+better than he does), the greater reason one has to like HIM? Not a word
+more, or we shall spoil his whole enjoyment.'
+
+Tom entered as the words were spoken, with a radiant smile upon his
+face; and rubbing his hands, more from a sense of delight than because
+he was cold (for he had been running fast), sat down in his warm corner
+again, and was as happy as only Tom Pinch could be. There is no other
+simile that will express his state of mind.
+
+'And so,' he said, when he had gazed at his friend for some time in
+silent pleasure, 'so you really are a gentleman at last, John. Well, to
+be sure!'
+
+'Trying to be, Tom; trying to be,' he rejoined good-humouredly. 'There
+is no saying what I may turn out, in time.'
+
+'I suppose you wouldn't carry your own box to the mail now?' said Tom
+Pinch, smiling; 'although you lost it altogether by not taking it.'
+
+'Wouldn't I?' retorted John. 'That's all you know about it, Pinch.
+It must be a very heavy box that I wouldn't carry to get away from
+Pecksniff's, Tom.'
+
+'There!' cried Pinch, turning to Martin, 'I told you so. The great fault
+in his character is his injustice to Pecksniff. You mustn't mind a word
+he says on that subject. His prejudice is most extraordinary.'
+
+'The absence of anything like prejudice on Tom's part, you know,' said
+John Westlock, laughing heartily, as he laid his hand on Mr Pinch's
+shoulder, 'is perfectly wonderful. If one man ever had a profound
+knowledge of another, and saw him in a true light, and in his own proper
+colours, Tom has that knowledge of Mr Pecksniff.'
+
+'Why, of course I have,' cried Tom. 'That's exactly what I have so often
+said to you. If you knew him as well as I do--John, I'd give almost any
+money to bring that about--you'd admire, respect, and reverence him. You
+couldn't help it. Oh, how you wounded his feelings when you went away!'
+
+'If I had known whereabout his feelings lay,' retorted young Westlock,
+'I'd have done my best, Tom, with that end in view, you may depend upon
+it. But as I couldn't wound him in what he has not, and in what he knows
+nothing of, except in his ability to probe them to the quick in other
+people, I am afraid I can lay no claim to your compliment.'
+
+Mr Pinch, being unwilling to protract a discussion which might possibly
+corrupt Martin, forbore to say anything in reply to this speech; but
+John Westlock, whom nothing short of an iron gag would have
+silenced when Mr Pecksniff's merits were once in question, continued
+notwithstanding.
+
+'HIS feelings! Oh, he's a tender-hearted man. HIS feelings! Oh, he's a
+considerate, conscientious, self-examining, moral vagabond, he is! HIS
+feelings! Oh!--what's the matter, Tom?'
+
+Mr Pinch was by this time erect upon the hearth-rug, buttoning his coat
+with great energy.
+
+'I can't bear it,' said Tom, shaking his head. 'No. I really cannot. You
+must excuse me, John. I have a great esteem and friendship for you;
+I love you very much; and have been perfectly charmed and overjoyed
+to-day, to find you just the same as ever; but I cannot listen to this.'
+
+'Why, it's my old way, Tom; and you say yourself that you are glad to
+find me unchanged.'
+
+'Not in this respect,' said Tom Pinch. 'You must excuse me, John. I
+cannot, really; I will not. It's very wrong; you should be more guarded
+in your expressions. It was bad enough when you and I used to be alone
+together, but under existing circumstances, I can't endure it, really.
+No. I cannot, indeed.'
+
+'You are quite right!' exclaimed the other, exchanging looks with
+Martin. 'and I am quite wrong, Tom, I don't know how the deuce we fell
+on this unlucky theme. I beg your pardon with all my heart.'
+
+'You have a free and manly temper, I know,' said Pinch; 'and therefore,
+your being so ungenerous in this one solitary instance, only grieves
+me the more. It's not my pardon you have to ask, John. You have done ME
+nothing but kindnesses.'
+
+'Well! Pecksniff's pardon then,' said young Westlock. 'Anything Tom,
+or anybody. Pecksniff's pardon--will that do? Here! let us drink
+Pecksniff's health!'
+
+'Thank you,' cried Tom, shaking hands with him eagerly, and filling
+a bumper. 'Thank you; I'll drink it with all my heart, John. Mr
+Pecksniff's health, and prosperity to him!'
+
+John Westlock echoed the sentiment, or nearly so; for he drank Mr
+Pecksniff's health, and Something to him--but what, was not quite
+audible. The general unanimity being then completely restored, they drew
+their chairs closer round the fire, and conversed in perfect harmony and
+enjoyment until bed-time.
+
+No slight circumstance, perhaps, could have better illustrated the
+difference of character between John Westlock and Martin Chuzzlewit,
+than the manner in which each of the young men contemplated Tom Pinch,
+after the little rupture just described. There was a certain amount of
+jocularity in the looks of both, no doubt, but there all resemblance
+ceased. The old pupil could not do enough to show Tom how cordially he
+felt towards him, and his friendly regard seemed of a graver and more
+thoughtful kind than before. The new one, on the other hand, had no
+impulse but to laugh at the recollection of Tom's extreme absurdity;
+and mingled with his amusement there was something slighting and
+contemptuous, indicative, as it appeared, of his opinion that Mr Pinch
+was much too far gone in simplicity to be admitted as the friend, on
+serious and equal terms, of any rational man.
+
+John Westlock, who did nothing by halves, if he could help it, had
+provided beds for his two guests in the hotel; and after a very happy
+evening, they retired. Mr Pinch was sitting on the side of his bed with
+his cravat and shoes off, ruminating on the manifold good qualities of
+his old friend, when he was interrupted by a knock at his chamber door,
+and the voice of John himself.
+
+'You're not asleep yet, are you, Tom?'
+
+'Bless you, no! not I. I was thinking of you,' replied Tom, opening the
+door. 'Come in.'
+
+'I am not going to detail you,' said John; 'but I have forgotten all the
+evening a little commission I took upon myself; and I am afraid I may
+forget it again, if I fail to discharge it at once. You know a Mr Tigg,
+Tom, I believe?'
+
+'Tigg!' cried Tom. 'Tigg! The gentleman who borrowed some money of me?'
+
+'Exactly,' said John Westlock. 'He begged me to present his compliments,
+and to return it with many thanks. Here it is. I suppose it's a good
+one, but he is rather a doubtful kind of customer, Tom.'
+
+Mr Pinch received the little piece of gold with a face whose brightness
+might have shamed the metal; and said he had no fear about that. He
+was glad, he added, to find Mr Tigg so prompt and honourable in his
+dealings; very glad.
+
+'Why, to tell you the truth, Tom,' replied his friend, 'he is not always
+so. If you'll take my advice, you'll avoid him as much as you can, in
+the event of your encountering him again. And by no means, Tom--pray
+bear this in mind, for I am very serious--by no means lend him money any
+more.'
+
+'Aye, aye!' said Tom, with his eyes wide open.
+
+'He is very far from being a reputable acquaintance,' returned young
+Westlock; 'and the more you let him know you think so, the better for
+you, Tom.'
+
+'I say, John,' quoth Mr Pinch, as his countenance fell, and he shook
+his head in a dejected manner. 'I hope you are not getting into bad
+company.'
+
+'No, no,' he replied laughing. 'Don't be uneasy on that score.'
+
+'Oh, but I AM uneasy,' said Tom Pinch; 'I can't help it, when I hear you
+talking in that way. If Mr Tigg is what you describe him to be, you have
+no business to know him, John. You may laugh, but I don't consider it by
+any means a laughing matter, I assure you.'
+
+'No, no,' returned his friend, composing his features. 'Quite right. It
+is not, certainly.'
+
+'You know, John,' said Mr Pinch, 'your very good nature and kindness of
+heart make you thoughtless, and you can't be too careful on such a
+point as this. Upon my word, if I thought you were falling among bad
+companions, I should be quite wretched, for I know how difficult you
+would find it to shake them off. I would much rather have lost this
+money, John, than I would have had it back again on such terms.'
+
+'I tell you, my dear good old fellow,' cried his friend, shaking him
+to and fro with both hands, and smiling at him with a cheerful, open
+countenance, that would have carried conviction to a mind much more
+suspicious than Tom's; 'I tell you there is no danger.'
+
+'Well!' cried Tom, 'I am glad to hear it; I am overjoyed to hear it. I
+am sure there is not, when you say so in that manner. You won't take it
+ill, John, that I said what I did just now!'
+
+'Ill!' said the other, giving his hand a hearty squeeze; 'why what
+do you think I am made of? Mr Tigg and I are not on such an intimate
+footing that you need be at all uneasy, I give you my solemn assurance
+of that, Tom. You are quite comfortable now?'
+
+'Quite,' said Tom.
+
+'Then once more, good night!'
+
+'Good night!' cried Tom; 'and such pleasant dreams to you as should
+attend the sleep of the best fellow in the world!'
+
+'--Except Pecksniff,' said his friend, stopping at the door for a
+moment, and looking gayly back.
+
+'Except Pecksniff,' answered Tom, with great gravity; 'of course.'
+
+And thus they parted for the night; John Westlock full of
+light-heartedness and good humour, and poor Tom Pinch quite satisfied;
+though still, as he turned over on his side in bed, he muttered to
+himself, 'I really do wish, for all that, though, that he wasn't
+acquainted with Mr Tigg.'
+
+They breakfasted together very early next morning, for the two young
+men desired to get back again in good season; and John Westlock was to
+return to London by the coach that day. As he had some hours to spare,
+he bore them company for three or four miles on their walk, and
+only parted from them at last in sheer necessity. The parting was an
+unusually hearty one, not only as between him and Tom Pinch, but on the
+side of Martin also, who had found in the old pupil a very different
+sort of person from the milksop he had prepared himself to expect.
+
+Young Westlock stopped upon a rising ground, when he had gone a little
+distance, and looked back. They were walking at a brisk pace, and Tom
+appeared to be talking earnestly. Martin had taken off his greatcoat,
+the wind being now behind them, and carried it upon his arm. As he
+looked, he saw Tom relieve him of it, after a faint resistance, and,
+throwing it upon his own, encumber himself with the weight of both. This
+trivial incident impressed the old pupil mightily, for he stood there,
+gazing after them, until they were hidden from his view; when he
+shook his head, as if he were troubled by some uneasy reflection, and
+thoughtfully retraced his steps to Salisbury.
+
+In the meantime, Martin and Tom pursued their way, until they halted,
+safe and sound, at Mr Pecksniff's house, where a brief epistle from that
+good gentleman to Mr Pinch announced the family's return by that night's
+coach. As it would pass the corner of the lane at about six o'clock in
+the morning, Mr Pecksniff requested that the gig might be in waiting at
+the finger-post about that time, together with a cart for the luggage.
+And to the end that he might be received with the greater honour, the
+young men agreed to rise early, and be upon the spot themselves.
+
+It was the least cheerful day they had yet passed together. Martin
+was out of spirits and out of humour, and took every opportunity of
+comparing his condition and prospects with those of young Westlock;
+much to his own disadvantage always. This mood of his depressed Tom; and
+neither that morning's parting, nor yesterday's dinner, helped to mend
+the matter. So the hours dragged on heavily enough; and they were glad
+to go to bed early.
+
+They were not quite so glad to get up again at half-past four o'clock,
+in all the shivering discomfort of a dark winter's morning; but they
+turned out punctually, and were at the finger-post full half-an-hour
+before the appointed time. It was not by any means a lively morning, for
+the sky was black and cloudy, and it rained hard; but Martin said there
+was some satisfaction in seeing that brute of a horse (by this, he meant
+Mr Pecksniff's Arab steed) getting very wet; and that he rejoiced, on
+his account, that it rained so fast. From this it may be inferred that
+Martin's spirits had not improved, as indeed they had not; for while he
+and Mr Pinch stood waiting under a hedge, looking at the rain, the gig,
+the cart, and its reeking driver, he did nothing but grumble; and, but
+that it is indispensable to any dispute that there should be two parties
+to it, he would certainly have picked a quarrel with Tom.
+
+At length the noise of wheels was faintly audible in the distance and
+presently the coach came splashing through the mud and mire with one
+miserable outside passenger crouching down among wet straw, under a
+saturated umbrella; and the coachman, guard, and horses, in a fellowship
+of dripping wretchedness. Immediately on its stopping, Mr Pecksniff let
+down the window-glass and hailed Tom Pinch.
+
+'Dear me, Mr Pinch! Is it possible that you are out upon this very
+inclement morning?'
+
+'Yes, sir,' cried Tom, advancing eagerly, 'Mr Chuzzlewit and I, sir.'
+
+'Oh!' said Mr Pecksniff, looking not so much at Martin as at the spot on
+which he stood. 'Oh! Indeed. Do me the favour to see to the trunks, if
+you please, Mr Pinch.'
+
+Then Mr Pecksniff descended, and helped his daughters to alight; but
+neither he nor the young ladies took the slightest notice of Martin,
+who had advanced to offer his assistance, but was repulsed by Mr
+Pecksniff's standing immediately before his person, with his back
+towards him. In the same manner, and in profound silence, Mr Pecksniff
+handed his daughters into the gig; and following himself and taking the
+reins, drove off home.
+
+Lost in astonishment, Martin stood staring at the coach, and when the
+coach had driven away, at Mr Pinch, and the luggage, until the cart
+moved off too; when he said to Tom:
+
+'Now will you have the goodness to tell me what THIS portends?'
+
+'What?' asked Tom.
+
+'This fellow's behaviour. Mr Pecksniff's, I mean. You saw it?'
+
+'No. Indeed I did not,' cried Tom. 'I was busy with the trunks.'
+
+'It is no matter,' said Martin. 'Come! Let us make haste back!' And
+without another word started off at such a pace, that Tom had some
+difficulty in keeping up with him.
+
+He had no care where he went, but walked through little heaps of mud
+and little pools of water with the utmost indifference; looking straight
+before him, and sometimes laughing in a strange manner within himself.
+Tom felt that anything he could say would only render him the more
+obstinate, and therefore trusted to Mr Pecksniff's manner when they
+reached the house, to remove the mistaken impression under which he felt
+convinced so great a favourite as the new pupil must unquestionably be
+labouring. But he was not a little amazed himself, when they did reach
+it, and entered the parlour where Mr Pecksniff was sitting alone
+before the fire, drinking some hot tea, to find that instead of taking
+favourable notice of his relative and keeping him, Mr Pinch, in the
+background, he did exactly the reverse, and was so lavish in his
+attentions to Tom, that Tom was thoroughly confounded.
+
+'Take some tea, Mr Pinch--take some tea,' said Pecksniff, stirring the
+fire. 'You must be very cold and damp. Pray take some tea, and come into
+a warm place, Mr Pinch.'
+
+Tom saw that Martin looked at Mr Pecksniff as though he could have
+easily found it in his heart to give HIM an invitation to a very warm
+place; but he was quite silent, and standing opposite that gentleman at
+the table, regarded him attentively.
+
+'Take a chair, Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'Take a chair, if you please. How
+have things gone on in our absence, Mr Pinch?'
+
+'You--you will be very much pleased with the grammar-school, sir,' said
+Tom. 'It's nearly finished.'
+
+'If you will have the goodness, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, waving his
+hand and smiling, 'we will not discuss anything connected with that
+question at present. What have YOU been doing, Thomas, humph?'
+
+Mr Pinch looked from master to pupil, and from pupil to master, and was
+so perplexed and dismayed that he wanted presence of mind to answer
+the question. In this awkward interval, Mr Pecksniff (who was perfectly
+conscious of Martin's gaze, though he had never once glanced towards
+him) poked the fire very much, and when he couldn't do that any more,
+drank tea assiduously.
+
+'Now, Mr Pecksniff,' said Martin at last, in a very quiet voice, 'if you
+have sufficiently refreshed and recovered yourself, I shall be glad to
+hear what you mean by this treatment of me.'
+
+'And what,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning his eyes on Tom Pinch, even more
+placidly and gently than before, 'what have YOU been doing, Thomas,
+humph?'
+
+When he had repeated this inquiry, he looked round the walls of the room
+as if he were curious to see whether any nails had been left there by
+accident in former times.
+
+Tom was almost at his wit's end what to say between the two, and had
+already made a gesture as if he would call Mr Pecksniff's attention to
+the gentleman who had last addressed him, when Martin saved him further
+trouble, by doing so himself.
+
+'Mr Pecksniff,' he said, softly rapping the table twice or thrice, and
+moving a step or two nearer, so that he could have touched him with his
+hand; 'you heard what I said just now. Do me the favour to reply, if you
+please. I ask you'--he raised his voice a little here--'what you mean by
+this?'
+
+'I will talk to you, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff in a severe voice, as he
+looked at him for the first time, 'presently.'
+
+'You are very obliging,' returned Martin; 'presently will not do. I must
+trouble you to talk to me at once.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff made a feint of being deeply interested in his pocketbook,
+but it shook in his hands; he trembled so.
+
+'Now,' retorted Martin, rapping the table again. 'Now. Presently will
+not do. Now!'
+
+'Do you threaten me, sir?' cried Mr Pecksniff.
+
+Martin looked at him, and made no answer; but a curious observer
+might have detected an ominous twitching at his mouth, and perhaps
+an involuntary attraction of his right hand in the direction of Mr
+Pecksniff's cravat.
+
+'I lament to be obliged to say, sir,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, 'that it
+would be quite in keeping with your character if you did threaten me.
+You have deceived me. You have imposed upon a nature which you knew to
+be confiding and unsuspicious. You have obtained admission, sir,' said
+Mr Pecksniff, rising, 'to this house, on perverted statements and on
+false pretences.'
+
+'Go on,' said Martin, with a scornful smile. 'I understand you now. What
+more?'
+
+'Thus much more, sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, trembling from head to foot,
+and trying to rub his hands, as though he were only cold. 'Thus much
+more, if you force me to publish your shame before a third party, which
+I was unwilling and indisposed to do. This lowly roof, sir, must not
+be contaminated by the presence of one who has deceived, and cruelly
+deceived, an honourable, beloved, venerated, and venerable gentleman;
+and who wisely suppressed that deceit from me when he sought my
+protection and favour, knowing that, humble as I am, I am an honest
+man, seeking to do my duty in this carnal universe, and setting my face
+against all vice and treachery. I weep for your depravity, sir,' said
+Mr Pecksniff; 'I mourn over your corruption, I pity your voluntary
+withdrawal of yourself from the flowery paths of purity and peace;' here
+he struck himself upon his breast, or moral garden; 'but I cannot have
+a leper and a serpent for an inmate. Go forth,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+stretching out his hand: 'go forth, young man! Like all who know you, I
+renounce you!'
+
+With what intention Martin made a stride forward at these words, it is
+impossible to say. It is enough to know that Tom Pinch caught him in
+his arms, and that, at the same moment, Mr Pecksniff stepped back so
+hastily, that he missed his footing, tumbled over a chair, and fell in
+a sitting posture on the ground; where he remained without an effort
+to get up again, with his head in a corner, perhaps considering it the
+safest place.
+
+'Let me go, Pinch!' cried Martin, shaking him away. 'Why do you hold me?
+Do you think a blow could make him a more abject creature than he is? Do
+you think that if I spat upon him, I could degrade him to a lower level
+than his own? Look at him. Look at him, Pinch!'
+
+Mr Pinch involuntarily did so. Mr Pecksniff sitting, as has been
+already mentioned, on the carpet, with his head in an acute angle of the
+wainscot, and all the damage and detriment of an uncomfortable journey
+about him, was not exactly a model of all that is prepossessing and
+dignified in man, certainly. Still he WAS Pecksniff; it was impossible
+to deprive him of that unique and paramount appeal to Tom. And he
+returned Tom's glance, as if he would have said, 'Aye, Mr Pinch, look at
+me! Here I am! You know what the Poet says about an honest man; and an
+honest man is one of the few great works that can be seen for nothing!
+Look at me!'
+
+'I tell you,' said Martin, 'that as he lies there, disgraced, bought,
+used; a cloth for dirty hands, a mat for dirty feet, a lying, fawning,
+servile hound, he is the very last and worst among the vermin of the
+world. And mark me, Pinch! The day will come--he knows it; see it
+written on his face, while I speak!--when even you will find him out,
+and will know him as I do, and as he knows I do. HE renounce ME!
+Cast your eyes on the Renouncer, Pinch, and be the wiser for the
+recollection!'
+
+He pointed at him as he spoke, with unutterable contempt, and flinging
+his hat upon his head, walked from the room and from the house. He went
+so rapidly that he was already clear of the village, when he heard Tom
+Pinch calling breathlessly after him in the distance.
+
+'Well! what now?' he said, when Tom came up.
+
+'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'are you going?'
+
+'Going!' he echoed. 'Going!'
+
+'I didn't so much mean that, as were you going now at once--in this bad
+weather--on foot--without your clothes--with no money?' cried Tom.
+
+'Yes,' he answered sternly, 'I am.'
+
+'And where?' cried Tom. 'Oh where will you go?'
+
+'I don't know,' he said. 'Yes, I do. I'll go to America!'
+
+'No, no,' cried Tom, in a kind of agony. 'Don't go there. Pray don't.
+Think better of it. Don't be so dreadfully regardless of yourself. Don't
+go to America!'
+
+'My mind is made up,' he said. 'Your friend was right. I'll go to
+America. God bless you, Pinch!'
+
+'Take this!' cried Tom, pressing a book upon him in great agitation.
+'I must make haste back, and can't say anything I would. Heaven be with
+you. Look at the leaf I have turned down. Good-bye, good-bye!'
+
+The simple fellow wrung him by the hand, with tears stealing down his
+cheeks; and they parted hurriedly upon their separate ways.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTEEN
+
+SHOWING WHAT BECAME OF MARTIN AND HIS DESPARATE RESOLVE, AFTER HE LEFT
+MR PECKSNIFF'S HOUSE; WHAT PERSONS HE ENCOUNTERED; WHAT ANXIETIES HE
+SUFFERED; AND WHAT NEWS HE HEARD
+
+
+Carrying Tom Pinch's book quite unconsciously under his arm, and not
+even buttoning his coat as a protection against the heavy rain, Martin
+went doggedly forward at the same quick pace, until he had passed the
+finger-post, and was on the high road to London. He slackened very
+little in his speed even then, but he began to think, and look about
+him, and to disengage his senses from the coil of angry passions which
+hitherto had held them prisoner.
+
+It must be confessed that, at that moment, he had no very agreeable
+employment either for his moral or his physical perceptions. The day was
+dawning from a patch of watery light in the east, and sullen clouds
+came driving up before it, from which the rain descended in a thick, wet
+mist. It streamed from every twig and bramble in the hedge; made little
+gullies in the path; ran down a hundred channels in the road; and
+punched innumerable holes into the face of every pond and gutter. It
+fell with an oozy, slushy sound among the grass; and made a muddy kennel
+of every furrow in the ploughed fields. No living creature was anywhere
+to be seen. The prospect could hardly have been more desolate if
+animated nature had been dissolved in water, and poured down upon the
+earth again in that form.
+
+The range of view within the solitary traveller was quite as cheerless
+as the scene without. Friendless and penniless; incensed to the last
+degree; deeply wounded in his pride and self-love; full of independent
+schemes, and perfectly destitute of any means of realizing them; his
+most vindictive enemy might have been satisfied with the extent of his
+troubles. To add to his other miseries, he was by this time sensible of
+being wet to the skin, and cold at his very heart.
+
+In this deplorable condition he remembered Mr Pinch's book; more
+because it was rather troublesome to carry, than from any hope of being
+comforted by that parting gift. He looked at the dingy lettering on the
+back, and finding it to be an odd volume of the 'Bachelor of Salamanca,'
+in the French tongue, cursed Tom Pinch's folly twenty times. He was on
+the point of throwing it away, in his ill-humour and vexation, when he
+bethought himself that Tom had referred him to a leaf, turned down;
+and opening it at that place, that he might have additional cause
+of complaint against him for supposing that any cold scrap of the
+Bachelor's wisdom could cheer him in such circumstances, found!--
+
+Well, well! not much, but Tom's all. The half-sovereign. He had wrapped
+it hastily in a piece of paper, and pinned it to the leaf. These words
+were scrawled in pencil on the inside: 'I don't want it indeed. I should
+not know what to do with it if I had it.'
+
+There are some falsehoods, Tom, on which men mount, as on bright wings,
+towards Heaven. There are some truths, cold bitter taunting truths,
+wherein your worldly scholars are very apt and punctual, which bind men
+down to earth with leaden chains. Who would not rather have to fan him,
+in his dying hour, the lightest feather of a falsehood such as thine,
+than all the quills that have been plucked from the sharp porcupine,
+reproachful truth, since time began!
+
+Martin felt keenly for himself, and he felt this good deed of Tom's
+keenly. After a few minutes it had the effect of raising his spirits,
+and reminding him that he was not altogether destitute, as he had left
+a fair stock of clothes behind him, and wore a gold hunting-watch in
+his pocket. He found a curious gratification, too, in thinking what a
+winning fellow he must be to have made such an impression on Tom; and in
+reflecting how superior he was to Tom; and how much more likely to make
+his way in the world. Animated by these thoughts, and strengthened in
+his design of endeavouring to push his fortune in another country, he
+resolved to get to London as a rallying-point, in the best way he could;
+and to lose no time about it.
+
+He was ten good miles from the village made illustrious by being the
+abiding-place of Mr Pecksniff, when he stopped to breakfast at a little
+roadside alehouse; and resting upon a high-backed settle before the
+fire, pulled off his coat, and hung it before the cheerful blaze to
+dry. It was a very different place from the last tavern in which he
+had regaled; boasting no greater extent of accommodation than the
+brick-floored kitchen yielded; but the mind so soon accommodates itself
+to the necessities of the body, that this poor waggoner's house-of-call,
+which he would have despised yesterday, became now quite a choice hotel;
+while his dish of eggs and bacon, and his mug of beer, were not by
+any means the coarse fare he had supposed, but fully bore out the
+inscription on the window-shutter, which proclaimed those viands to be
+'Good entertainment for Travellers.'
+
+He pushed away his empty plate; and with a second mug upon the hearth
+before him, looked thoughtfully at the fire until his eyes ached. Then
+he looked at the highly-coloured scripture pieces on the walls, in
+little black frames like common shaving-glasses, and saw how the Wise
+Men (with a strong family likeness among them) worshipped in a pink
+manger; and how the Prodigal Son came home in red rags to a purple
+father, and already feasted his imagination on a sea-green calf. Then he
+glanced through the window at the falling rain, coming down aslant upon
+the sign-post over against the house, and overflowing the horse-trough;
+and then he looked at the fire again, and seemed to descry a double
+distant London, retreating among the fragments of the burning wood.
+
+He had repeated this process in just the same order, many times, as
+if it were a matter of necessity, when the sound of wheels called his
+attention to the window out of its regular turn; and there he beheld a
+kind of light van drawn by four horses, and laden, as well as he could
+see (for it was covered in), with corn and straw. The driver, who
+was alone, stopped at the door to water his team, and presently came
+stamping and shaking the wet off his hat and coat, into the room where
+Martin sat.
+
+He was a red-faced burly young fellow; smart in his way, and with a
+good-humoured countenance. As he advanced towards the fire he touched
+his shining forehead with the forefinger of his stiff leather glove,
+by way of salutation; and said (rather unnecessarily) that it was an
+uncommon wet day.
+
+'Very wet,' said Martin.
+
+'I don't know as ever I see a wetter.'
+
+'I never felt one,' said Martin.
+
+The driver glanced at Martin's soiled dress, and his damp shirt-sleeves,
+and his coat hung up to dry; and said, after a pause, as he warmed his
+hands:
+
+'You have been caught in it, sir?'
+
+'Yes,' was the short reply.
+
+'Out riding, maybe?' said the driver
+
+'I should have been, if I owned a horse; but I don't,' returned Martin.
+
+'That's bad,' said the driver.
+
+'And may be worse,' said Martin.
+
+Now the driver said 'That's bad,' not so much because Martin didn't own
+a horse, as because he said he didn't with all the reckless desperation
+of his mood and circumstances, and so left a great deal to be inferred.
+Martin put his hands in his pockets and whistled when he had retorted on
+the driver; thus giving him to understand that he didn't care a pin for
+Fortune; that he was above pretending to be her favourite when he was
+not; and that he snapped his fingers at her, the driver, and everybody
+else.
+
+The driver looked at him stealthily for a minute or so; and in the
+pauses of his warming whistled too. At length he asked, as he pointed
+his thumb towards the road.
+
+'Up or down?'
+
+'Which IS up?' said Martin.
+
+'London, of course,' said the driver.
+
+'Up then,' said Martin. He tossed his head in a careless manner
+afterwards, as if he would have added, 'Now you know all about it.'
+put his hands deeper into his pockets; changed his tune, and whistled a
+little louder.
+
+'I'm going up,' observed the driver; 'Hounslow, ten miles this side
+London.'
+
+'Are you?' cried Martin, stopping short and looking at him.
+
+The driver sprinkled the fire with his wet hat until it hissed again and
+answered, 'Aye, to be sure he was.'
+
+'Why, then,' said Martin, 'I'll be plain with you. You may suppose from
+my dress that I have money to spare. I have not. All I can afford for
+coach-hire is a crown, for I have but two. If you can take me for that,
+and my waistcoat, or this silk handkerchief, do. If you can't, leave it
+alone.'
+
+'Short and sweet,' remarked the driver.
+
+'You want more?' said Martin. 'Then I haven't got more, and I can't get
+it, so there's an end of that.' Whereupon he began to whistle again.
+
+'I didn't say I wanted more, did I?' asked the driver, with something
+like indignation.
+
+'You didn't say my offer was enough,' rejoined Martin.
+
+'Why, how could I, when you wouldn't let me? In regard to the waistcoat,
+I wouldn't have a man's waistcoat, much less a gentleman's waistcoat,
+on my mind, for no consideration; but the silk handkerchief's another
+thing; and if you was satisfied when we got to Hounslow, I shouldn't
+object to that as a gift.'
+
+'Is it a bargain, then?' said Martin.
+
+'Yes, it is,' returned the other.
+
+'Then finish this beer,' said Martin, handing him the mug, and pulling
+on his coat with great alacrity; 'and let us be off as soon as you
+like.'
+
+In two minutes more he had paid his bill, which amounted to a shilling;
+was lying at full length on a truss of straw, high and dry at the top
+of the van, with the tilt a little open in front for the convenience of
+talking to his new friend; and was moving along in the right direction
+with a most satisfactory and encouraging briskness.
+
+The driver's name, as he soon informed Martin, was William Simmons,
+better known as Bill; and his spruce appearance was sufficiently
+explained by his connection with a large stage-coaching establishment at
+Hounslow, whither he was conveying his load from a farm belonging to
+the concern in Wiltshire. He was frequently up and down the road on such
+errands, he said, and to look after the sick and rest horses, of which
+animals he had much to relate that occupied a long time in the
+telling. He aspired to the dignity of the regular box, and expected
+an appointment on the first vacancy. He was musical besides, and had
+a little key-bugle in his pocket, on which, whenever the conversation
+flagged, he played the first part of a great many tunes, and regularly
+broke down in the second.
+
+'Ah!' said Bill, with a sigh, as he drew the back of his hand across
+his lips, and put this instrument in his pocket, after screwing off the
+mouth-piece to drain it; 'Lummy Ned of the Light Salisbury, HE was the
+one for musical talents. He WAS a guard. What you may call a Guard'an
+Angel, was Ned.'
+
+'Is he dead?' asked Martin.
+
+'Dead!' replied the other, with a contemptuous emphasis. 'Not he. You
+won't catch Ned a-dying easy. No, no. He knows better than that.'
+
+'You spoke of him in the past tense,' observed Martin, 'so I supposed he
+was no more.
+
+'He's no more in England,' said Bill, 'if that's what you mean. He went
+to the U-nited States.'
+
+'Did he?' asked Martin, with sudden interest. 'When?'
+
+'Five year ago, or then about,' said Bill. 'He had set up in the public
+line here, and couldn't meet his engagements, so he cut off to Liverpool
+one day, without saying anything about it, and went and shipped himself
+for the U-nited States.'
+
+'Well?' said Martin.
+
+'Well! as he landed there without a penny to bless himself with, of
+course they wos very glad to see him in the U-nited States.'
+
+'What do you mean?' asked Martin, with some scorn.
+
+'What do I mean?' said Bill. 'Why, THAT. All men are alike in the
+U-nited States, an't they? It makes no odds whether a man has a thousand
+pound, or nothing, there. Particular in New York, I'm told, where Ned
+landed.'
+
+'New York, was it?' asked Martin, thoughtfully.
+
+'Yes,' said Bill. 'New York. I know that, because he sent word home that
+it brought Old York to his mind, quite vivid, in consequence of being so
+exactly unlike it in every respect. I don't understand what particular
+business Ned turned his mind to, when he got there; but he wrote home
+that him and his friends was always a-singing, Ale Columbia, and blowing
+up the President, so I suppose it was something in the public line; or
+free-and-easy way again. Anyhow, he made his fortune.'
+
+'No!' cried Martin.
+
+'Yes, he did,' said Bill. 'I know that, because he lost it all the day
+after, in six-and-twenty banks as broke. He settled a lot of the notes
+on his father, when it was ascertained that they was really stopped and
+sent 'em over with a dutiful letter. I know that, because they was
+shown down our yard for the old gentleman's benefit, that he might treat
+himself with tobacco in the workus.'
+
+'He was a foolish fellow not to take care of his money when he had it,'
+said Martin, indignantly.
+
+'There you're right,' said Bill, 'especially as it was all in paper, and
+he might have took care of it so very easy, by folding it up in a small
+parcel.'
+
+Martin said nothing in reply, but soon afterwards fell asleep, and
+remained so for an hour or more. When he awoke, finding it had ceased
+to rain, he took his seat beside the driver, and asked him several
+questions; as how long had the fortunate guard of the Light Salisbury
+been in crossing the Atlantic; at what time of the year had he sailed;
+what was the name of the ship in which he made the voyage; how much had
+he paid for passage-money; did he suffer greatly from sea-sickness?
+and so forth. But on these points of detail his friend was possessed
+of little or no information; either answering obviously at random or
+acknowledging that he had never heard, or had forgotten; nor, although
+he returned to the charge very often, could he obtain any useful
+intelligence on these essential particulars.
+
+They jogged on all day, and stopped so often--now to refresh, now to
+change their team of horses, now to exchange or bring away a set of
+harness, now on one point of business, and now upon another, connected
+with the coaching on that line of road--that it was midnight when they
+reached Hounslow. A little short of the stables for which the van was
+bound, Martin got down, paid his crown, and forced his silk handkerchief
+upon his honest friend, notwithstanding the many protestations that he
+didn't wish to deprive him of it, with which he tried to give the lie to
+his longing looks. That done, they parted company; and when the van had
+driven into its own yard and the gates were closed, Martin stood in the
+dark street, with a pretty strong sense of being shut out, alone, upon
+the dreary world, without the key of it.
+
+But in this moment of despondency, and often afterwards, the
+recollection of Mr Pecksniff operated as a cordial to him; awakening
+in his breast an indignation that was very wholesome in nerving him to
+obstinate endurance. Under the influence of this fiery dram he started
+off for London without more ado. Arriving there in the middle of the
+night, and not knowing where to find a tavern open, he was fain to
+stroll about the streets and market-places until morning.
+
+He found himself, about an hour before dawn, in the humbler regions
+of the Adelphi; and addressing himself to a man in a fur-cap, who was
+taking down the shutters of an obscure public-house, informed him
+that he was a stranger, and inquired if he could have a bed there. It
+happened by good luck that he could. Though none of the gaudiest, it was
+tolerably clean, and Martin felt very glad and grateful when he crept
+into it, for warmth, rest, and forgetfulness.
+
+It was quite late in the afternoon when he awoke; and by the time he had
+washed and dressed, and broken his fast, it was growing dusk again. This
+was all the better, for it was now a matter of absolute necessity that
+he should part with his watch to some obliging pawn-broker. He would
+have waited until after dark for this purpose, though it had been the
+longest day in the year, and he had begun it without a breakfast.
+
+He passed more Golden Balls than all the jugglers in Europe have juggled
+with, in the course of their united performances, before he could
+determine in favour of any particular shop where those symbols were
+displayed. In the end he came back to one of the first he had seen,
+and entering by a side-door in a court, where the three balls, with the
+legend 'Money Lent,' were repeated in a ghastly transparency, passed
+into one of a series of little closets, or private boxes, erected for
+the accommodation of the more bashful and uninitiated customers. He
+bolted himself in; pulled out his watch; and laid it on the counter.
+
+'Upon my life and soul!' said a low voice in the next box to the shopman
+who was in treaty with him, 'you must make it more; you must make it a
+trifle more, you must indeed! You must dispense with one half-quarter
+of an ounce in weighing out your pound of flesh, my best of friends, and
+make it two-and-six.'
+
+Martin drew back involuntarily, for he knew the voice at once.
+
+'You're always full of your chaff,' said the shopman, rolling up the
+article (which looked like a shirt) quite as a matter of course, and
+nibbing his pen upon the counter.
+
+'I shall never be full of my wheat,' said Mr Tigg, 'as long as I come
+here. Ha, ha! Not bad! Make it two-and-six, my dear friend, positively
+for this occasion only. Half-a-crown is a delightful coin. Two-and-six.
+Going at two-and-six! For the last time at two-and-six!'
+
+'It'll never be the last time till it's quite worn out,' rejoined the
+shopman. 'It's grown yellow in the service as it is.'
+
+'Its master has grown yellow in the service, if you mean that, my
+friend,' said Mr Tigg; 'in the patriotic service of an ungrateful
+country. You are making it two-and-six, I think?'
+
+'I'm making it,' returned the shopman, 'what it always has been--two
+shillings. Same name as usual, I suppose?'
+
+'Still the same name,' said Mr Tigg; 'my claim to the dormant peerage
+not being yet established by the House of Lords.'
+
+'The old address?'
+
+'Not at all,' said Mr Tigg; 'I have removed my town establishment from
+thirty-eight, Mayfair, to number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two, Park
+Lane.'
+
+'Come, I'm not going to put down that, you know,' said the shopman with
+a grin.
+
+'You may put down what you please, my friend,' quoth Mr Tigg. 'The fact
+is still the same. The apartments for the under-butler and the fifth
+footman being of a most confounded low and vulgar kind at thirty-eight,
+Mayfair, I have been compelled, in my regard for the feelings which do
+them so much honour, to take on lease for seven, fourteen, or twenty-one
+years, renewable at the option of the tenant, the elegant and commodious
+family mansion, number fifteen-hundred-and-forty-two Park Lane. Make it
+two-and-six, and come and see me!'
+
+The shopman was so highly entertained by this piece of humour that Mr
+Tigg himself could not repress some little show of exultation. It vented
+itself, in part, in a desire to see how the occupant of the next
+box received his pleasantry; to ascertain which he glanced round the
+partition, and immediately, by the gaslight, recognized Martin.
+
+'I wish I may die,' said Mr Tigg, stretching out his body so far that
+his head was as much in Martin's little cell as Martin's own head was,
+'but this is one of the most tremendous meetings in Ancient or Modern
+History! How are you? What is the news from the agricultural districts?
+How are our friends the P.'s? Ha, ha! David, pay particular attention to
+this gentleman immediately, as a friend of mine, I beg.'
+
+'Here! Please to give me the most you can for this,' said Martin,
+handing the watch to the shopman. 'I want money sorely.'
+
+'He wants money, sorely!' cried Mr Tigg with excessive sympathy. 'David,
+will you have the goodness to do your very utmost for my friend, who
+wants money sorely. You will deal with my friend as if he were myself.
+A gold hunting-watch, David, engine-turned, capped and jewelled in
+four holes, escape movement, horizontal lever, and warranted to perform
+correctly, upon my personal reputation, who have observed it narrowly
+for many years, under the most trying circumstances'--here he winked
+at Martin, that he might understand this recommendation would have an
+immense effect upon the shopman; 'what do you say, David, to my friend?
+Be very particular to deserve my custom and recommendation, David.'
+
+'I can lend you three pounds on this, if you like' said the shopman to
+Martin, confidentially. 'It is very old-fashioned. I couldn't say more.'
+
+'And devilish handsome, too,' cried Mr Tigg. 'Two-twelve-six for the
+watch, and seven-and-six for personal regard. I am gratified; it may
+be weakness, but I am. Three pounds will do. We take it. The name of my
+friend is Smivey: Chicken Smivey, of Holborn, twenty-six-and-a-half B:
+lodger.' Here he winked at Martin again, to apprise him that all the
+forms and ceremonies prescribed by law were now complied with, and
+nothing remained but the receipt for the money.
+
+In point of fact, this proved to be the case, for Martin, who had no
+resource but to take what was offered him, signified his acquiescence by
+a nod of his head, and presently came out with the cash in his pocket.
+He was joined in the entry by Mr Tigg, who warmly congratulated him, as
+he took his arm and accompanied him into the street, on the successful
+issue of the negotiation.
+
+'As for my part in the same,' said Mr Tigg, 'don't mention it. Don't
+compliment me, for I can't bear it!'
+
+'I have no such intention, I assure you,' retorted Martin, releasing his
+arm and stopping.
+
+'You oblige me very much' said Mr Tigg. 'Thank you.'
+
+'Now, sir,' observed Martin, biting his lip, 'this is a large town, and
+we can easily find different ways in it. If you will show me which is
+your way, I will take another.'
+
+Mr Tigg was about to speak, but Martin interposed:
+
+'I need scarcely tell you, after what you have just seen, that I
+have nothing to bestow upon your friend Mr Slyme. And it is quite as
+unnecessary for me to tell you that I don't desire the honour of your
+company.'
+
+'Stop' cried Mr Tigg, holding out his hand. 'Hold! There is a most
+remarkably long-headed, flowing-bearded, and patriarchal proverb, which
+observes that it is the duty of a man to be just before he is generous.
+Be just now, and you can be generous presently. Do not confuse me with
+the man Slyme. Do not distinguish the man Slyme as a friend of mine, for
+he is no such thing. I have been compelled, sir, to abandon the party
+whom you call Slyme. I have no knowledge of the party whom you call
+Slyme. I am, sir,' said Mr Tigg, striking himself upon the breast,
+'a premium tulip, of a very different growth and cultivation from the
+cabbage Slyme, sir.'
+
+'It matters very little to me,' said Martin coolly, 'whether you have
+set up as a vagabond on your own account, or are still trading on behalf
+of Mr Slyme. I wish to hold no correspondence with you. In the devil's
+name, man' said Martin, scarcely able, despite his vexation, to repress
+a smile as Mr Tigg stood leaning his back against the shutters of a shop
+window, adjusting his hair with great composure, 'will you go one way or
+other?'
+
+'You will allow me to remind you, sir,' said Mr Tigg, with sudden
+dignity, 'that you--not I--that you--I say emphatically, YOU--have
+reduced the proceedings of this evening to a cold and distant matter of
+business, when I was disposed to place them on a friendly footing.
+It being made a matter of business, sir, I beg to say that I expect
+a trifle (which I shall bestow in charity) as commission upon the
+pecuniary advance, in which I have rendered you my humble services.
+After the terms in which you have addressed me, sir,' concluded Mr
+Tigg, 'you will not insult me, if you please, by offering more than
+half-a-crown.'
+
+Martin drew that piece of money from his pocket, and tossed it towards
+him. Mr Tigg caught it, looked at it to assure himself of its goodness,
+spun it in the air after the manner of a pieman, and buttoned it up.
+Finally, he raised his hat an inch or two from his head with a military
+air, and, after pausing a moment with deep gravity, as to decide in
+which direction he should go, and to what Earl or Marquis among his
+friends he should give the preference in his next call, stuck his hands
+in his skirt-pockets and swaggered round the corner. Martin took the
+directly opposite course; and so, to his great content, they parted
+company.
+
+It was with a bitter sense of humiliation that he cursed, again and
+again, the mischance of having encountered this man in the pawnbroker's
+shop. The only comfort he had in the recollection was, Mr Tigg's
+voluntary avowal of a separation between himself and Slyme, that would
+at least prevent his circumstances (so Martin argued) from being known
+to any member of his family, the bare possibility of which filled him
+with shame and wounded pride. Abstractedly there was greater reason,
+perhaps, for supposing any declaration of Mr Tigg's to be false, than
+for attaching the least credence to it; but remembering the terms on
+which the intimacy between that gentleman and his bosom friend had
+subsisted, and the strong probability of Mr Tigg's having established
+an independent business of his own on Mr Slyme's connection, it had a
+reasonable appearance of probability; at all events, Martin hoped so;
+and that went a long way.
+
+His first step, now that he had a supply of ready money for his present
+necessities, was, to retain his bed at the public-house until further
+notice, and to write a formal note to Tom Pinch (for he knew Pecksniff
+would see it) requesting to have his clothes forwarded to London by
+coach, with a direction to be left at the office until called for. These
+measures taken, he passed the interval before the box arrived--three
+days--in making inquiries relative to American vessels, at the offices
+of various shipping-agents in the city; and in lingering about the docks
+and wharves, with the faint hope of stumbling upon some engagement
+for the voyage, as clerk or supercargo, or custodian of something or
+somebody, which would enable him to procure a free passage. But
+finding, soon, that no such means of employment were likely to present
+themselves, and dreading the consequences of delay, he drew up a short
+advertisement, stating what he wanted, and inserted it in the leading
+newspapers. Pending the receipt of the twenty or thirty answers which
+he vaguely expected, he reduced his wardrobe to the narrowest limits
+consistent with decent respectability, and carried the overplus at
+different times to the pawnbroker's shop, for conversion into money.
+
+And it was strange, very strange, even to himself, to find how, by
+quick though almost imperceptible degrees, he lost his delicacy and
+self-respect, and gradually came to do that as a matter of course,
+without the least compunction, which but a few short days before had
+galled him to the quick. The first time he visited the pawnbroker's,
+he felt on his way there as if every person whom he passed suspected
+whither he was going; and on his way back again, as if the whole human
+tide he stemmed, knew well where he had come from. When did he care to
+think of their discernment now! In his first wanderings up and down the
+weary streets, he counterfeited the walk of one who had an object in
+his view; but soon there came upon him the sauntering, slipshod gait of
+listless idleness, and the lounging at street-corners, and plucking and
+biting of stray bits of straw, and strolling up and down the same place,
+and looking into the same shop-windows, with a miserable indifference,
+fifty times a day. At first, he came out from his lodging with an uneasy
+sense of being observed--even by those chance passers-by, on whom he had
+never looked before, and hundreds to one would never see again--issuing
+in the morning from a public-house; but now, in his comings-out and
+goings-in he did not mind to lounge about the door, or to stand sunning
+himself in careless thought beside the wooden stem, studded from head to
+heel with pegs, on which the beer-pots dangled like so many boughs upon
+a pewter-tree. And yet it took but five weeks to reach the lowest round
+of this tall ladder!
+
+Oh, moralists, who treat of happiness and self-respect, innate in every
+sphere of life, and shedding light on every grain of dust in God's
+highway, so smooth below your carriage-wheels, so rough beneath the
+tread of naked feet, bethink yourselves in looking on the swift descent
+of men who HAVE lived in their own esteem, that there are scores of
+thousands breathing now, and breathing thick with painful toil, who in
+that high respect have never lived at all, nor had a chance of life! Go
+ye, who rest so placidly upon the sacred Bard who had been young,
+and when he strung his harp was old, and had never seen the righteous
+forsaken, or his seed begging their bread; go, Teachers of content and
+honest pride, into the mine, the mill, the forge, the squalid depths of
+deepest ignorance, and uttermost abyss of man's neglect, and say can any
+hopeful plant spring up in air so foul that it extinguishes the soul's
+bright torch as fast as it is kindled! And, oh! ye Pharisees of the
+nineteen hundredth year of Christian Knowledge, who soundingly appeal
+to human nature, see that it be human first. Take heed it has not been
+transformed, during your slumber and the sleep of generations, into the
+nature of the Beasts!
+
+Five weeks! Of all the twenty or thirty answers, not one had come. His
+money--even the additional stock he had raised from the disposal of his
+spare clothes (and that was not much, for clothes, though dear to buy,
+are cheap to pawn)--was fast diminishing. Yet what could he do? At times
+an agony came over him in which he darted forth again, though he was
+but newly home, and, returning to some place where he had been already
+twenty times, made some new attempt to gain his end, but always
+unsuccessfully. He was years and years too old for a cabin-boy, and
+years upon years too inexperienced to be accepted as a common seaman.
+His dress and manner, too, militated fatally against any such proposal
+as the latter; and yet he was reduced to making it; for even if he could
+have contemplated the being set down in America totally without money,
+he had not enough left now for a steerage passage and the poorest
+provisions upon the voyage.
+
+It is an illustration of a very common tendency in the mind of man, that
+all this time he never once doubted, one may almost say the certainty
+of doing great things in the New World, if he could only get there.
+In proportion as he became more and more dejected by his present
+circumstances, and the means of gaining America receded from his grasp,
+the more he fretted himself with the conviction that that was the only
+place in which he could hope to achieve any high end, and worried his
+brain with the thought that men going there in the meanwhile might
+anticipate him in the attainment of those objects which were dearest to
+his heart. He often thought of John Westlock, and besides looking out
+for him on all occasions, actually walked about London for three days
+together for the express purpose of meeting with him. But although he
+failed in this; and although he would not have scrupled to borrow money
+of him; and although he believed that John would have lent it; yet still
+he could not bring his mind to write to Pinch and inquire where he was
+to be found. For although, as we have seen, he was fond of Tom after
+his own fashion, he could not endure the thought (feeling so superior to
+Tom) of making him the stepping-stone to his fortune, or being anything
+to him but a patron; and his pride so revolted from the idea that it
+restrained him even now.
+
+It might have yielded, however; and no doubt must have yielded soon, but
+for a very strange and unlooked-for occurrence.
+
+The five weeks had quite run out, and he was in a truly desperate
+plight, when one evening, having just returned to his lodging, and
+being in the act of lighting his candle at the gas jet in the bar before
+stalking moodily upstairs to his own room, his landlord called him by
+his name. Now as he had never told it to the man, but had scrupulously
+kept it to himself, he was not a little startled by this; and so plainly
+showed his agitation that the landlord, to reassure him, said 'it was
+only a letter.'
+
+'A letter!' cried Martin.
+
+'For Mr Martin Chuzzlewit,' said the landlord, reading the
+superscription of one he held in his hand. 'Noon. Chief office. Paid.'
+
+Martin took it from him, thanked him, and walked upstairs. It was not
+sealed, but pasted close; the handwriting was quite unknown to him.
+He opened it and found enclosed, without any name, address, or other
+inscription or explanation of any kind whatever, a Bank of England note
+for Twenty Pounds.
+
+To say that he was perfectly stunned with astonishment and delight; that
+he looked again and again at the note and the wrapper; that he hurried
+below stairs to make quite certain that the note was a good note; and
+then hurried up again to satisfy himself for the fiftieth time that
+he had not overlooked some scrap of writing on the wrapper; that he
+exhausted and bewildered himself with conjectures; and could make
+nothing of it but that there the note was, and he was suddenly enriched;
+would be only to relate so many matters of course to no purpose. The
+final upshot of the business at that time was, that he resolved to treat
+himself to a comfortable but frugal meal in his own chamber; and having
+ordered a fire to be kindled, went out to purchase it forthwith.
+
+He bought some cold beef, and ham, and French bread, and butter, and
+came back with his pockets pretty heavily laden. It was somewhat of
+a damping circumstance to find the room full of smoke, which was
+attributable to two causes; firstly, to the flue being naturally vicious
+and a smoker; and secondly, to their having forgotten, in lighting the
+fire, an odd sack or two and some trifles, which had been put up the
+chimney to keep the rain out. They had already remedied this oversight,
+however; and propped up the window-sash with a bundle of firewood to
+keep it open; so that except in being rather inflammatory to the eyes
+and choking to the lungs, the apartment was quite comfortable.
+
+Martin was in no vein to quarrel with it, if it had been in less
+tolerable order, especially when a gleaming pint of porter was set upon
+the table, and the servant-girl withdrew, bearing with her particular
+instructions relative to the production of something hot when he should
+ring the bell. The cold meat being wrapped in a playbill, Martin laid
+the cloth by spreading that document on the little round table with the
+print downwards, and arranging the collation upon it. The foot of the
+bed, which was very close to the fire, answered for a sideboard; and
+when he had completed these preparations, he squeezed an old arm-chair
+into the warmest corner, and sat down to enjoy himself.
+
+He had begun to eat with great appetite, glancing round the room
+meanwhile with a triumphant anticipation of quitting it for ever on the
+morrow, when his attention was arrested by a stealthy footstep on the
+stairs, and presently by a knock at his chamber door, which, although
+it was a gentle knock enough, communicated such a start to the bundle of
+firewood, that it instantly leaped out of window, and plunged into the
+street.
+
+'More coals, I suppose,' said Martin. 'Come in!'
+
+'It an't a liberty, sir, though it seems so,' rejoined a man's voice.
+'Your servant, sir. Hope you're pretty well, sir.'
+
+Martin stared at the face that was bowing in the doorway, perfectly
+remembering the features and expression, but quite forgetting to whom
+they belonged.
+
+'Tapley, sir,' said his visitor. 'Him as formerly lived at the Dragon,
+sir, and was forced to leave in consequence of a want of jollity, sir.'
+
+'To be sure!' cried Martin. 'Why, how did you come here?'
+
+'Right through the passage, and up the stairs, sir,' said Mark.
+
+'How did you find me out, I mean?' asked Martin.
+
+'Why, sir,' said Mark, 'I've passed you once or twice in the street, if
+I'm not mistaken; and when I was a-looking in at the beef-and-ham shop
+just now, along with a hungry sweep, as was very much calculated to make
+a man jolly, sir--I see you a-buying that.'
+
+Martin reddened as he pointed to the table, and said, somewhat hastily:
+
+'Well! What then?'
+
+'Why, then, sir,' said Mark, 'I made bold to foller; and as I told 'em
+downstairs that you expected me, I was let up.'
+
+'Are you charged with any message, that you told them you were
+expected?' inquired Martin.
+
+'No, sir, I an't,' said Mark. 'That was what you may call a pious fraud,
+sir, that was.'
+
+Martin cast an angry look at him; but there was something in the
+fellow's merry face, and in his manner--which with all its cheerfulness
+was far from being obtrusive or familiar--that quite disarmed him.
+He had lived a solitary life too, for many weeks, and the voice was
+pleasant in his ear.
+
+'Tapley,' he said, 'I'll deal openly with you. From all I can judge and
+from all I have heard of you through Pinch, you are not a likely kind of
+fellow to have been brought here by impertinent curiosity or any other
+offensive motive. Sit down. I'm glad to see you.'
+
+'Thankee, sir,' said Mark. 'I'd as lieve stand.'
+
+'If you don't sit down,' retorted Martin, 'I'll not talk to you.'
+
+'Very good, sir,' observed Mark. 'Your will's a law, sir. Down it is;'
+and he sat down accordingly upon the bedstead.
+
+'Help yourself,' said Martin, handing him the only knife.
+
+'Thankee, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'After you've done.'
+
+'If you don't take it now, you'll not have any,' said Martin.
+
+'Very good, sir,' rejoined Mark. 'That being your desire--now it is.'
+With which reply he gravely helped himself and went on eating. Martin
+having done the like for a short time in silence, said abruptly:
+
+'What are you doing in London?'
+
+'Nothing at all, sir,' rejoined Mark.
+
+'How's that?' asked Martin.
+
+'I want a place,' said Mark.
+
+'I'm sorry for you,' said Martin.
+
+'--To attend upon a single gentleman,' resumed Mark. 'If from the
+country the more desirable. Makeshifts would be preferred. Wages no
+object.'
+
+He said this so pointedly, that Martin stopped in his eating, and said:
+
+'If you mean me--'
+
+'Yes, I do, sir,' interposed Mark.
+
+'Then you may judge from my style of living here, of my means of keeping
+a man-servant. Besides, I am going to America immediately.'
+
+'Well, sir,' returned Mark, quite unmoved by this intelligence 'from all
+that ever I heard about it, I should say America is a very likely sort
+of place for me to be jolly in!'
+
+Again Martin looked at him angrily; and again his anger melted away in
+spite of himself.
+
+'Lord bless you, sir,' said Mark, 'what is the use of us a-going round
+and round, and hiding behind the corner, and dodging up and down, when
+we can come straight to the point in six words? I've had my eye upon you
+any time this fortnight. I see well enough there's a screw loose in
+your affairs. I know'd well enough the first time I see you down at the
+Dragon that it must be so, sooner or later. Now, sir here am I, without
+a sitiwation; without any want of wages for a year to come; for I saved
+up (I didn't mean to do it, but I couldn't help it) at the Dragon--here
+am I with a liking for what's wentersome, and a liking for you, and
+a wish to come out strong under circumstances as would keep other men
+down; and will you take me, or will you leave me?'
+
+'How can I take you?' cried Martin.
+
+'When I say take,' rejoined Mark, 'I mean will you let me go? and when I
+say will you let me go, I mean will you let me go along with you? for go
+I will, somehow or another. Now that you've said America, I see clear at
+once, that that's the place for me to be jolly in. Therefore, if I don't
+pay my own passage in the ship you go in, sir, I'll pay my own passage
+in another. And mark my words, if I go alone it shall be, to carry out
+the principle, in the rottenest, craziest, leakingest tub of a wessel
+that a place can be got in for love or money. So if I'm lost upon the
+way, sir, there'll be a drowned man at your door--and always a-knocking
+double knocks at it, too, or never trust me!'
+
+'This is mere folly,' said Martin.
+
+'Very good, sir,' returned Mark. 'I'm glad to hear it, because if you
+don't mean to let me go, you'll be more comfortable, perhaps, on account
+of thinking so. Therefore I contradict no gentleman. But all I say is,
+that if I don't emigrate to America in that case, in the beastliest old
+cockle-shell as goes out of port, I'm--'
+
+'You don't mean what you say, I'm sure,' said Martin.
+
+'Yes I do,' cried Mark.
+
+'I tell you I know better,' rejoined Martin.
+
+'Very good, sir,' said Mark, with the same air of perfect satisfaction.
+'Let it stand that way at present, sir, and wait and see how it turns
+out. Why, love my heart alive! the only doubt I have is, whether there's
+any credit in going with a gentleman like you, that's as certain to make
+his way there as a gimlet is to go through soft deal.'
+
+This was touching Martin on his weak point, and having him at a great
+advantage. He could not help thinking, either, what a brisk fellow this
+Mark was, and how great a change he had wrought in the atmosphere of the
+dismal little room already.
+
+'Why, certainly, Mark,' he said, 'I have hopes of doing well there, or I
+shouldn't go. I may have the qualifications for doing well, perhaps.'
+
+'Of course you have, sir,' returned Mark Tapley. 'Everybody knows that.'
+
+'You see,' said Martin, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking at
+the fire, 'ornamental architecture applied to domestic purposes,
+can hardly fail to be in great request in that country; for men are
+constantly changing their residences there, and moving further off; and
+it's clear they must have houses to live in.'
+
+'I should say, sir,' observed Mark, 'that that's a state of things as
+opens one of the jolliest look-outs for domestic architecture that ever
+I heerd tell on.'
+
+Martin glanced at him hastily, not feeling quite free from a suspicion
+that this remark implied a doubt of the successful issue of his plans.
+But Mr Tapley was eating the boiled beef and bread with such entire good
+faith and singleness of purpose expressed in his visage that he could
+not but be satisfied. Another doubt arose in his mind however, as this
+one disappeared. He produced the blank cover in which the note had been
+enclosed, and fixing his eyes on Mark as he put it in his hands, said:
+
+'Now tell me the truth. Do you know anything about that?'
+
+Mark turned it over and over; held it near his eyes; held it away from
+him at arm's length; held it with the superscription upwards and with
+the superscription downwards; and shook his head with such a genuine
+expression of astonishment at being asked the question, that Martin
+said, as he took it from him again:
+
+'No, I see you don't. How should you! Though, indeed, your knowing about
+it would not be more extraordinary than its being here. Come, Tapley,'
+he added, after a moment's thought, 'I'll trust you with my history,
+such as it is, and then you'll see more clearly what sort of fortunes
+you would link yourself to, if you followed me.'
+
+'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mark; 'but afore you enter upon it
+will you take me if I choose to go? Will you turn off me--Mark
+Tapley--formerly of the Blue Dragon, as can be well recommended by Mr
+Pinch, and as wants a gentleman of your strength of mind to look up to;
+or will you, in climbing the ladder as you're certain to get to the
+top of, take me along with you at a respectful distance? Now, sir,'
+said Mark, 'it's of very little importance to you, I know, there's the
+difficulty; but it's of very great importance to me, and will you be so
+good as to consider of it?'
+
+If this were meant as a second appeal to Martin's weak side, founded on
+his observation of the effect of the first, Mr Tapley was a skillful and
+shrewd observer. Whether an intentional or an accidental shot, it
+hit the mark fully for Martin, relenting more and more, said with a
+condescension which was inexpressibly delicious to him, after his recent
+humiliation:
+
+'We'll see about it, Tapley. You shall tell me in what disposition you
+find yourself to-morrow.'
+
+'Then, sir,' said Mark, rubbing his hands, 'the job's done. Go on, sir,
+if you please. I'm all attention.'
+
+Throwing himself back in his arm-chair, and looking at the fire, with
+now and then a glance at Mark, who at such times nodded his head sagely,
+to express his profound interest and attention. Martin ran over the
+chief points in his history, to the same effect as he had related them,
+weeks before, to Mr Pinch. But he adapted them, according to the best of
+his judgment, to Mr Tapley's comprehension; and with that view made as
+light of his love affair as he could, and referred to it in very few
+words. But here he reckoned without his host; for Mark's interest was
+keenest in this part of the business, and prompted him to ask sundry
+questions in relation to it; for which he apologised as one in some
+measure privileged to do so, from having seen (as Martin explained to
+him) the young lady at the Blue Dragon.
+
+'And a young lady as any gentleman ought to feel more proud of being in
+love with,' said Mark, energetically, 'don't draw breath.'
+
+'Aye! You saw her when she was not happy,' said Martin, gazing at the
+fire again. 'If you had seen her in the old times, indeed--'
+
+'Why, she certainly was a little down-hearted, sir, and something paler
+in her colour than I could have wished,' said Mark, 'but none the worse
+in her looks for that. I think she seemed better, sir, after she come to
+London.'
+
+Martin withdrew his eyes from the fire; stared at Mark as if he thought
+he had suddenly gone mad; and asked him what he meant.
+
+'No offence intended, sir,' urged Mark. 'I don't mean to say she was any
+the happier without you; but I thought she was a-looking better, sir.'
+
+'Do you mean to tell me she has been in London?' asked Martin, rising
+hurriedly, and pushing back his chair.
+
+'Of course I do,' said Mark, rising too, in great amazement from the
+bedstead.
+
+'Do you mean to tell me she is in London now?'
+
+'Most likely, sir. I mean to say she was a week ago.'
+
+'And you know where?'
+
+'Yes!' cried Mark. 'What! Don't you?'
+
+'My good fellow!' exclaimed Martin, clutching him by both arms, 'I have
+never seen her since I left my grandfather's house.'
+
+'Why, then!' cried Mark, giving the little table such a blow with his
+clenched fist that the slices of beef and ham danced upon it, while all
+his features seemed, with delight, to be going up into his forehead, and
+never coming back again any more, 'if I an't your nat'ral born servant,
+hired by Fate, there an't such a thing in natur' as a Blue Dragon. What!
+when I was a-rambling up and down a old churchyard in the City, getting
+myself into a jolly state, didn't I see your grandfather a-toddling to
+and fro for pretty nigh a mortal hour! Didn't I watch him into Todgers's
+commercial boarding-house, and watch him out, and watch him home to his
+hotel, and go and tell him as his was the service for my money, and I
+had said so, afore I left the Dragon! Wasn't the young lady a-sitting
+with him then, and didn't she fall a-laughing in a manner as was
+beautiful to see! Didn't your grandfather say, "Come back again next
+week," and didn't I go next week; and didn't he say that he couldn't
+make up his mind to trust nobody no more; and therefore wouldn't engage
+me, but at the same time stood something to drink as was handsome! Why,'
+cried Mr Tapley, with a comical mixture of delight and chagrin, 'where's
+the credit of a man's being jolly under such circumstances! Who could
+help it, when things come about like this!'
+
+For some moments Martin stood gazing at him, as if he really doubted the
+evidence of his senses, and could not believe that Mark stood there, in
+the body, before him. At length he asked him whether, if the young lady
+were still in London, he thought he could contrive to deliver a letter
+to her secretly.
+
+'Do I think I can?' cried Mark. 'THINK I can? Here, sit down, sir. Write
+it out, sir!'
+
+With that he cleared the table by the summary process of tilting
+everything upon it into the fireplace; snatched some writing materials
+from the mantel-shelf; set Martin's chair before them; forced him down
+into it; dipped a pen into the ink; and put it in his hand.
+
+'Cut away, sir!' cried Mark. 'Make it strong, sir. Let it be wery
+pinted, sir. Do I think so? I should think so. Go to work, sir!'
+
+Martin required no further adjuration, but went to work at a great rate;
+while Mr Tapley, installing himself without any more formalities into
+the functions of his valet and general attendant, divested himself
+of his coat, and went on to clear the fireplace and arrange the room;
+talking to himself in a low voice the whole time.
+
+'Jolly sort of lodgings,' said Mark, rubbing his nose with the knob at
+the end of the fire-shovel, and looking round the poor chamber; 'that's
+a comfort. The rain's come through the roof too. That an't bad. A lively
+old bedstead, I'll be bound; popilated by lots of wampires, no doubt.
+Come! my spirits is a-getting up again. An uncommon ragged nightcap
+this. A very good sign. We shall do yet! Here, Jane, my dear,' calling
+down the stairs, 'bring up that there hot tumbler for my master as was
+a-mixing when I come in. That's right, sir,' to Martin. 'Go at it as if
+you meant it, sir. Be very tender, sir, if you please. You can't make it
+too strong, sir!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FOURTEEN
+
+IN WHICH MARTIN BIDS ADIEU TO THE LADY OF HIS LOVE; AND HONOURS AN
+OBSCURE INDIVIDUAL WHOSE FORTUNE HE INTENDS TO MAKE BY COMMENDING HER TO
+HIS PROTECTION
+
+
+The letter being duly signed, sealed, and delivered, was handed to Mark
+Tapley, for immediate conveyance if possible. And he succeeded so well
+in his embassy as to be enabled to return that same night, just as the
+house was closing, with the welcome intelligence that he had sent it
+upstairs to the young lady, enclosed in a small manuscript of his
+own, purporting to contain his further petition to be engaged in Mr
+Chuzzlewit's service; and that she had herself come down and told him,
+in great haste and agitation, that she would meet the gentleman at
+eight o'clock to-morrow morning in St. James's Park. It was then agreed
+between the new master and the new man, that Mark should be in waiting
+near the hotel in good time, to escort the young lady to the place
+of appointment; and when they had parted for the night with this
+understanding, Martin took up his pen again; and before he went to bed
+wrote another letter, whereof more will be seen presently.
+
+He was up before daybreak, and came upon the Park with the morning,
+which was clad in the least engaging of the three hundred and sixty-five
+dresses in the wardrobe of the year. It was raw, damp, dark, and dismal;
+the clouds were as muddy as the ground; and the short perspective
+of every street and avenue was closed up by the mist as by a filthy
+curtain.
+
+'Fine weather indeed,' Martin bitterly soliloquised, 'to be wandering
+up and down here in, like a thief! Fine weather indeed, for a meeting of
+lovers in the open air, and in a public walk! I need be departing, with
+all speed, for another country; for I have come to a pretty pass in
+this!'
+
+He might perhaps have gone on to reflect that of all mornings in the
+year, it was not the best calculated for a young lady's coming forth
+on such an errand, either. But he was stopped on the road to this
+reflection, if his thoughts tended that way, by her appearance at a
+short distance, on which he hurried forward to meet her. Her squire,
+Mr Tapley, at the same time fell discreetly back, and surveyed the fog
+above him with an appearance of attentive interest.
+
+'My dear Martin,' said Mary.
+
+'My dear Mary,' said Martin; and lovers are such a singular kind of
+people that this is all they did say just then, though Martin took her
+arm, and her hand too, and they paced up and down a short walk that was
+least exposed to observation, half-a-dozen times.
+
+'If you have changed at all, my love, since we parted,' said Martin at
+length, as he looked upon her with a proud delight, 'it is only to be
+more beautiful than ever!'
+
+Had she been of the common metal of love-worn young ladies, she would
+have denied this in her most interesting manner; and would have told him
+that she knew she had become a perfect fright; or that she had wasted
+away with weeping and anxiety; or that she was dwindling gently into an
+early grave; or that her mental sufferings were unspeakable; or would,
+either by tears or words, or a mixture of both, have furnished him with
+some other information to that effect, and made him as miserable as
+possible. But she had been reared up in a sterner school than the minds
+of most young girls are formed in; she had had her nature strengthened
+by the hands of hard endurance and necessity; had come out from her
+young trials constant, self-denying, earnest, and devoted; had acquired
+in her maidenhood--whether happily in the end, for herself or him, is
+foreign to our present purpose to inquire--something of that nobler
+quality of gentle hearts which is developed often by the sorrows and
+struggles of matronly years, but often by their lessons only. Unspoiled,
+unpampered in her joys or griefs; with frank and full, and deep
+affection for the object of her early love; she saw in him one who for
+her sake was an outcast from his home and fortune, and she had no
+more idea of bestowing that love upon him in other than cheerful and
+sustaining words, full of high hope and grateful trustfulness, than she
+had of being unworthy of it, in her lightest thought or deed, for any
+base temptation that the world could offer.
+
+'What change is there in YOU, Martin,' she replied; 'for that concerns
+me nearest? You look more anxious and more thoughtful than you used.'
+
+'Why, as to that, my love,' said Martin as he drew her waist within his
+arm, first looking round to see that there were no observers near,
+and beholding Mr Tapley more intent than ever on the fog; 'it would be
+strange if I did not; for my life--especially of late--has been a hard
+one.'
+
+'I know it must have been,' she answered. 'When have I forgotten to
+think of it and you?'
+
+'Not often, I hope,' said Martin. 'Not often, I am sure. Not often, I
+have some right to expect, Mary; for I have undergone a great deal of
+vexation and privation, and I naturally look for that return, you know.'
+
+'A very, very poor return,' she answered with a fainter smile. 'But you
+have it, and will have it always. You have paid a dear price for a poor
+heart, Martin; but it is at least your own, and a true one.'
+
+'Of course I feel quite certain of that,' said Martin, 'or I shouldn't
+have put myself in my present position. And don't say a poor heart,
+Mary, for I say a rich one. Now, I am about to break a design to you,
+dearest, which will startle you at first, but which is undertaken for
+your sake. I am going,' he added slowly, looking far into the deep
+wonder of her bright dark eyes, 'abroad.'
+
+'Abroad, Martin!'
+
+'Only to America. See now. How you droop directly!'
+
+'If I do, or, I hope I may say, if I did,' she answered, raising her
+head after a short silence, and looking once more into his face, 'it was
+for grief to think of what you are resolved to undergo for me. I would
+not venture to dissuade you, Martin; but it is a long, long distance;
+there is a wide ocean to be crossed; illness and want are sad calamities
+in any place, but in a foreign country dreadful to endure. Have you
+thought of all this?'
+
+'Thought of it!' cried Martin, abating, in his fondness--and he WAS very
+fond of her--hardly an iota of his usual impetuosity. 'What am I to do?
+It's very well to say, "Have I thought of it?" my love; but you should
+ask me in the same breath, have I thought of starving at home; have I
+thought of doing porter's work for a living; have I thought of holding
+horses in the streets to earn my roll of bread from day to day? Come,
+come,' he added, in a gentler tone, 'do not hang down your head, my
+dear, for I need the encouragement that your sweet face alone can give
+me. Why, that's well! Now you are brave again.'
+
+'I am endeavouring to be,' she answered, smiling through her tears.
+
+'Endeavouring to be anything that's good, and being it, is, with you,
+all one. Don't I know that of old?' cried Martin, gayly. 'So! That's
+famous! Now I can tell you all my plans as cheerfully as if you were my
+little wife already, Mary.'
+
+She hung more closely on his arm, and looking upwards in his face, bade
+him speak on.
+
+'You see,' said Martin, playing with the little hand upon his wrist,
+'that my attempts to advance myself at home have been baffled and
+rendered abortive. I will not say by whom, Mary, for that would give
+pain to us both. But so it is. Have you heard him speak of late of any
+relative of mine or his, called Pecksniff? Only tell me what I ask you,
+no more.'
+
+'I have heard, to my surprise, that he is a better man than was
+supposed.'
+
+'I thought so,' interrupted Martin.
+
+'And that it is likely we may come to know him, if not to visit and
+reside with him and--I think--his daughters. He HAS daughters, has he,
+love?'
+
+'A pair of them,' Martin answered. 'A precious pair! Gems of the first
+water!'
+
+'Ah! You are jesting!'
+
+'There is a sort of jesting which is very much in earnest, and includes
+some pretty serious disgust,' said Martin. 'I jest in reference to Mr
+Pecksniff (at whose house I have been living as his assistant, and at
+whose hands I have received insult and injury), in that vein. Whatever
+betides, or however closely you may be brought into communication with
+this family, never forget that, Mary; and never for an instant,
+whatever appearances may seem to contradict me, lose sight of this
+assurance--Pecksniff is a scoundrel.'
+
+'Indeed!'
+
+'In thought, and in deed, and in everything else. A scoundrel from the
+topmost hair of his head, to the nethermost atom of his heel. Of his
+daughters I will only say that, to the best of my knowledge and belief,
+they are dutiful young ladies, and take after their father closely. This
+is a digression from the main point, and yet it brings me to what I was
+going to say.'
+
+He stopped to look into her eyes again, and seeing, in a hasty glance
+over his shoulder, that there was no one near, and that Mark was still
+intent upon the fog, not only looked at her lips, too, but kissed them
+into the bargain.
+
+'Now I am going to America, with great prospects of doing well, and of
+returning home myself very soon; it may be to take you there for a few
+years, but, at all events, to claim you for my wife; which, after such
+trials, I should do with no fear of your still thinking it a duty to
+cleave to him who will not suffer me to live (for this is true), if he
+can help it, in my own land. How long I may be absent is, of course,
+uncertain; but it shall not be very long. Trust me for that.'
+
+'In the meantime, dear Martin--'
+
+'That's the very thing I am coming to. In the meantime you shall hear,
+constantly, of all my goings-on. Thus.'
+
+He paused to take from his pocket the letter he had written overnight,
+and then resumed:
+
+'In this fellow's employment, and living in this fellow's house (by
+fellow, I mean Mr Pecksniff, of course), there is a certain person of
+the name of Pinch. Don't forget; a poor, strange, simple oddity, Mary;
+but thoroughly honest and sincere; full of zeal; and with a cordial
+regard for me. Which I mean to return one of these days, by setting him
+up in life in some way or other.'
+
+'Your old kind nature, Martin!'
+
+'Oh!' said Martin, 'that's not worth speaking of, my love. He's very
+grateful and desirous to serve me; and I am more than repaid. Now one
+night I told this Pinch my history, and all about myself and you; in
+which he was not a little interested, I can tell you, for he knows you!
+Aye, you may look surprised--and the longer the better for it becomes
+you--but you have heard him play the organ in the church of that village
+before now; and he has seen you listening to his music; and has caught
+his inspiration from you, too!'
+
+'Was HE the organist?' cried Mary. 'I thank him from my heart!'
+
+'Yes, he was,' said Martin, 'and is, and gets nothing for it either.
+There never was such a simple fellow! Quite an infant! But a very good
+sort of creature, I assure you.'
+
+'I am sure of that,' she said with great earnestness. 'He must be!'
+
+'Oh, yes, no doubt at all about it,' rejoined Martin, in his usual
+careless way. 'He is. Well! It has occurred to me--but stay. If I read
+you what I have written and intend sending to him by post to-night
+it will explain itself. "My dear Tom Pinch." That's rather familiar
+perhaps,' said Martin, suddenly remembering that he was proud when they
+had last met, 'but I call him my dear Tom Pinch because he likes it, and
+it pleases him.'
+
+'Very right, and very kind,' said Mary.
+
+'Exactly so!' cried Martin. 'It's as well to be kind whenever one can;
+and, as I said before, he really is an excellent fellow. "My dear Tom
+Pinch--I address this under cover to Mrs Lupin, at the Blue Dragon,
+and have begged her in a short note to deliver it to you without saying
+anything about it elsewhere; and to do the same with all future letters
+she may receive from me. My reason for so doing will be at once apparent
+to you"--I don't know that it will be, by the bye,' said Martin,
+breaking off, 'for he's slow of comprehension, poor fellow; but he'll
+find it out in time. My reason simply is, that I don't want my letters
+to be read by other people; and particularly by the scoundrel whom he
+thinks an angel.'
+
+'Mr Pecksniff again?' asked Mary.
+
+'The same,' said Martin '--will be at once apparent to you. I have
+completed my arrangements for going to America; and you will be
+surprised to hear that I am to be accompanied by Mark Tapley, upon whom
+I have stumbled strangely in London, and who insists on putting himself
+under my protection'--meaning, my love,' said Martin, breaking off
+again, 'our friend in the rear, of course.'
+
+She was delighted to hear this, and bestowed a kind glance upon Mark,
+which he brought his eyes down from the fog to encounter and received
+with immense satisfaction. She said in his hearing, too, that he was a
+good soul and a merry creature, and would be faithful, she was certain;
+commendations which Mr Tapley inwardly resolved to deserve, from such
+lips, if he died for it.
+
+'"Now, my dear Pinch,"' resumed Martin, proceeding with his letter; '"I
+am going to repose great trust in you, knowing that I may do so with
+perfect reliance on your honour and secrecy, and having nobody else just
+now to trust in."'
+
+'I don't think I would say that, Martin.'
+
+'Wouldn't you? Well! I'll take that out. It's perfectly true, though.'
+
+'But it might seem ungracious, perhaps.'
+
+'Oh, I don't mind Pinch,' said Martin. 'There's no occasion to stand on
+any ceremony with HIM. However, I'll take it out, as you wish it, and
+make the full stop at "secrecy." Very well! "I shall not only"--this is
+the letter again, you know.'
+
+'I understand.'
+
+'"I shall not only enclose my letters to the young lady of whom I have
+told you, to your charge, to be forwarded as she may request; but I most
+earnestly commit her, the young lady herself, to your care and regard,
+in the event of your meeting in my absence. I have reason to think
+that the probabilities of your encountering each other--perhaps very
+frequently--are now neither remote nor few; and although in our position
+you can do very little to lessen the uneasiness of hers, I trust to you
+implicitly to do that much, and so deserve the confidence I have reposed
+in you." You see, my dear Mary,' said Martin, 'it will be a great
+consolation to you to have anybody, no matter how simple, with whom you
+can speak about ME; and the very first time you talk to Pinch, you'll
+feel at once that there is no more occasion for any embarrassment or
+hesitation in talking to him, than if he were an old woman.'
+
+'However that may be,' she returned, smiling, 'he is your friend, and
+that is enough.'
+
+'Oh, yes, he's my friend,' said Martin, 'certainly. In fact, I have told
+him in so many words that we'll always take notice of him, and protect
+him; and it's a good trait in his character that he's grateful--very
+grateful indeed. You'll like him of all things, my love, I know. You'll
+observe very much that's comical and old-fashioned about Pinch, but you
+needn't mind laughing at him; for he'll not care about it. He'll rather
+like it indeed!'
+
+'I don't think I shall put that to the test, Martin.'
+
+'You won't if you can help it, of course,' he said, 'but I think you'll
+find him a little too much for your gravity. However, that's neither
+here nor there, and it certainly is not the letter; which ends
+thus: "Knowing that I need not impress the nature and extent of that
+confidence upon you at any greater length, as it is already sufficiently
+established in your mind, I will only say, in bidding you farewell and
+looking forward to our next meeting, that I shall charge myself from
+this time, through all changes for the better, with your advancement and
+happiness, as if they were my own. You may rely upon that. And
+always believe me, my dear Tom Pinch, faithfully your friend, Martin
+Chuzzlewit. P.S.--I enclose the amount which you so kindly"--Oh,' said
+Martin, checking himself, and folding up the letter, 'that's nothing!'
+
+At this crisis Mark Tapley interposed, with an apology for remarking
+that the clock at the Horse Guards was striking.
+
+'Which I shouldn't have said nothing about, sir,' added Mark, 'if the
+young lady hadn't begged me to be particular in mentioning it.'
+
+'I did,' said Mary. 'Thank you. You are quite right. In another minute
+I shall be ready to return. We have time for a very few words more, dear
+Martin, and although I had much to say, it must remain unsaid until the
+happy time of our next meeting. Heaven send it may come speedily and
+prosperously! But I have no fear of that.'
+
+'Fear!' cried Martin. 'Why, who has? What are a few months? What is a
+whole year? When I come gayly back, with a road through life hewn out
+before me, then indeed, looking back upon this parting, it may seem
+a dismal one. But now! I swear I wouldn't have it happen under more
+favourable auspices, if I could; for then I should be less inclined to
+go, and less impressed with the necessity.'
+
+'Yes, yes. I feel that too. When do you go?'
+
+'To-night. We leave for Liverpool to-night. A vessel sails from that
+port, as I hear, in three days. In a month, or less, we shall be there.
+Why, what's a month! How many months have flown by, since our last
+parting!'
+
+'Long to look back upon,' said Mary, echoing his cheerful tone, 'but
+nothing in their course!'
+
+'Nothing at all!' cried Martin. 'I shall have change of scene and change
+of place; change of people, change of manners, change of cares and
+hopes! Time will wear wings indeed! I can bear anything, so that I have
+swift action, Mary.'
+
+Was he thinking solely of her care for him, when he took so little heed
+of her share in the separation; of her quiet monotonous endurance,
+and her slow anxiety from day to day? Was there nothing jarring and
+discordant even in his tone of courage, with this one note 'self' for
+ever audible, however high the strain? Not in her ears. It had been
+better otherwise, perhaps, but so it was. She heard the same bold spirit
+which had flung away as dross all gain and profit for her sake, making
+light of peril and privation that she might be calm and happy; and she
+heard no more. That heart where self has found no place and raised no
+throne, is slow to recognize its ugly presence when it looks upon it.
+As one possessed of an evil spirit was held in old time to be alone
+conscious of the lurking demon in the breasts of other men, so kindred
+vices know each other in their hiding-places every day, when Virtue is
+incredulous and blind.
+
+'The quarter's gone!' cried Mr Tapley, in a voice of admonition.
+
+'I shall be ready to return immediately,' she said. 'One thing, dear
+Martin, I am bound to tell you. You entreated me a few minutes since
+only to answer what you asked me in reference to one theme, but you
+should and must know (otherwise I could not be at ease) that since
+that separation of which I was the unhappy occasion, he has never once
+uttered your name; has never coupled it, or any faint allusion to it,
+with passion or reproach; and has never abated in his kindness to me.'
+
+'I thank him for that last act,' said Martin, 'and for nothing else.
+Though on consideration I may thank him for his other forbearance also,
+inasmuch as I neither expect nor desire that he will mention my name
+again. He may once, perhaps--to couple it with reproach--in his will.
+Let him, if he please! By the time it reaches me, he will be in his
+grave; a satire on his own anger, God help him!'
+
+'Martin! If you would but sometimes, in some quiet hour; beside the
+winter fire; in the summer air; when you hear gentle music, or think of
+Death, or Home, or Childhood; if you would at such a season resolve to
+think, but once a month, or even once a year, of him, or any one who
+ever wronged you, you would forgive him in your heart, I know!'
+
+'If I believed that to be true, Mary,' he replied, 'I would resolve at
+no such time to bear him in my mind; wishing to spare myself the shame
+of such a weakness. I was not born to be the toy and puppet of any man,
+far less his; to whose pleasure and caprice, in return for any good he
+did me, my whole youth was sacrificed. It became between us two a fair
+exchange--a barter--and no more; and there is no such balance against
+me that I need throw in a mawkish forgiveness to poise the scale. He has
+forbidden all mention of me to you, I know,' he added hastily. 'Come!
+Has he not?'
+
+'That was long ago,' she returned; 'immediately after your parting;
+before you had left the house. He has never done so since.'
+
+'He has never done so since because he has seen no occasion,' said
+Martin; 'but that is of little consequence, one way or other. Let all
+allusion to him between you and me be interdicted from this time forth.
+And therefore, love'--he drew her quickly to him, for the time of
+parting had now come--'in the first letter that you write to me through
+the Post Office, addressed to New York; and in all the others that you
+send through Pinch; remember he has no existence, but has become to us
+as one who is dead. Now, God bless you! This is a strange place for such
+a meeting and such a parting; but our next meeting shall be in a better,
+and our next and last parting in a worse.'
+
+'One other question, Martin, I must ask. Have you provided money for
+this journey?'
+
+'Have I?' cried Martin; it might have been in his pride; it might have
+been in his desire to set her mind at ease: 'Have I provided money? Why,
+there's a question for an emigrant's wife! How could I move on land or
+sea without it, love?'
+
+'I mean, enough.'
+
+'Enough! More than enough. Twenty times more than enough. A pocket-full.
+Mark and I, for all essential ends, are quite as rich as if we had the
+purse of Fortunatus in our baggage.'
+
+'The half-hour's a-going!' cried Mr Tapley.
+
+'Good-bye a hundred times!' cried Mary, in a trembling voice.
+
+But how cold the comfort in Good-bye! Mark Tapley knew it perfectly.
+Perhaps he knew it from his reading, perhaps from his experience,
+perhaps from intuition. It is impossible to say; but however he knew
+it, his knowledge instinctively suggested to him the wisest course of
+proceeding that any man could have adopted under the circumstances. He
+was taken with a violent fit of sneezing, and was obliged to turn his
+head another way. In doing which, he, in a manner fenced and screened
+the lovers into a corner by themselves.
+
+There was a short pause, but Mark had an undefined sensation that it was
+a satisfactory one in its way. Then Mary, with her veil lowered, passed
+him with a quick step, and beckoned him to follow. She stopped once more
+before they lost that corner; looked back; and waved her hand to Martin.
+He made a start towards them at the moment as if he had some other
+farewell words to say; but she only hurried off the faster, and Mr
+Tapley followed as in duty bound.
+
+When he rejoined Martin again in his own chamber, he found that
+gentleman seated moodily before the dusty grate, with his two feet on
+the fender, his two elbows on his knees, and his chin supported, in a
+not very ornamental manner, on the palms of his hands.
+
+'Well, Mark!'
+
+'Well, sir,' said Mark, taking a long breath, 'I see the young lady safe
+home, and I feel pretty comfortable after it. She sent a lot of kind
+words, sir, and this,' handing him a ring, 'for a parting keepsake.'
+
+'Diamonds!' said Martin, kissing it--let us do him justice, it was for
+her sake; not for theirs--and putting it on his little finger. 'Splendid
+diamonds! My grandfather is a singular character, Mark. He must have
+given her this now.'
+
+Mark Tapley knew as well that she had bought it, to the end that that
+unconscious speaker might carry some article of sterling value with him
+in his necessity; as he knew that it was day, and not night. Though he
+had no more acquaintance of his own knowledge with the history of the
+glittering trinket on Martin's outspread finger, than Martin himself
+had, he was as certain that in its purchase she had expended her whole
+stock of hoarded money, as if he had seen it paid down coin by coin. Her
+lover's strange obtuseness in relation to this little incident, promptly
+suggested to Mark's mind its real cause and root; and from that moment
+he had a clear and perfect insight into the one absorbing principle of
+Martin's character.
+
+'She is worthy of the sacrifices I have made,' said Martin, folding his
+arms, and looking at the ashes in the stove, as if in resumption of some
+former thoughts. 'Well worthy of them. No riches'--here he stroked his
+chin and mused--'could have compensated for the loss of such a nature.
+Not to mention that in gaining her affection I have followed the bent
+of my own wishes, and baulked the selfish schemes of others who had
+no right to form them. She is quite worthy--more than worthy--of the
+sacrifices I have made. Yes, she is. No doubt of it.'
+
+These ruminations might or might not have reached Mark Tapley; for
+though they were by no means addressed to him, yet they were softly
+uttered. In any case, he stood there, watching Martin with an
+indescribable and most involved expression on his visage, until that
+young man roused himself and looked towards him; when he turned away,
+as being suddenly intent upon certain preparations for the journey,
+and, without giving vent to any articulate sound, smiled with surpassing
+ghastliness, and seemed by a twist of his features and a motion of his
+lips, to release himself of this word:
+
+'Jolly!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIFTEEN
+
+THE BURDEN WHEREOF, IS HAIL COLUMBIA!
+
+
+A dark and dreary night; people nestling in their beds or circling
+late about the fire; Want, colder than Charity, shivering at the street
+corners; church-towers humming with the faint vibration of their own
+tongues, but newly resting from the ghostly preachment 'One!' The earth
+covered with a sable pall as for the burial of yesterday; the clumps of
+dark trees, its giant plumes of funeral feathers, waving sadly to and
+fro: all hushed, all noiseless, and in deep repose, save the swift
+clouds that skim across the moon, and the cautious wind, as, creeping
+after them upon the ground, it stops to listen, and goes rustling on,
+and stops again, and follows, like a savage on the trail.
+
+Whither go the clouds and wind so eagerly? If, like guilty spirits, they
+repair to some dread conference with powers like themselves, in what
+wild regions do the elements hold council, or where unbend in terrible
+disport?
+
+Here! Free from that cramped prison called the earth, and out upon the
+waste of waters. Here, roaring, raging, shrieking, howling, all night
+long. Hither come the sounding voices from the caverns on the coast of
+that small island, sleeping, a thousand miles away, so quietly in the
+midst of angry waves; and hither, to meet them, rush the blasts from
+unknown desert places of the world. Here, in the fury of their unchecked
+liberty, they storm and buffet with each other, until the sea, lashed
+into passion like their own, leaps up, in ravings mightier than theirs,
+and the whole scene is madness.
+
+On, on, on, over the countless miles of angry space roll the long
+heaving billows. Mountains and caves are here, and yet are not; for
+what is now the one, is now the other; then all is but a boiling heap of
+rushing water. Pursuit, and flight, and mad return of wave on wave, and
+savage struggle, ending in a spouting-up of foam that whitens the
+black night; incessant change of place, and form, and hue; constancy in
+nothing, but eternal strife; on, on, on, they roll, and darker grows the
+night, and louder howls the wind, and more clamorous and fierce become
+the million voices in the sea, when the wild cry goes forth upon the
+storm 'A ship!'
+
+Onward she comes, in gallant combat with the elements, her tall masts
+trembling, and her timbers starting on the strain; onward she comes, now
+high upon the curling billows, now low down in the hollows of the sea,
+as hiding for the moment from its fury; and every storm-voice in the air
+and water cries more loudly yet, 'A ship!'
+
+Still she comes striving on; and at her boldness and the spreading cry,
+the angry waves rise up above each other's hoary heads to look; and
+round about the vessel, far as the mariners on the decks can pierce into
+the gloom, they press upon her, forcing each other down and starting up,
+and rushing forward from afar, in dreadful curiosity. High over her
+they break; and round her surge and roar; and giving place to others,
+moaningly depart, and dash themselves to fragments in their baffled
+anger. Still she comes onward bravely. And though the eager multitude
+crowd thick and fast upon her all the night, and dawn of day discovers
+the untiring train yet bearing down upon the ship in an eternity of
+troubled water, onward she comes, with dim lights burning in her hull,
+and people there, asleep; as if no deadly element were peering in at
+every seam and chink, and no drowned seaman's grave, with but a plank to
+cover it, were yawning in the unfathomable depths below.
+
+Among these sleeping voyagers were Martin and Mark Tapley, who, rocked
+into a heavy drowsiness by the unaccustomed motion, were as insensible
+to the foul air in which they lay, as to the uproar without. It was
+broad day when the latter awoke with a dim idea that he was dreaming
+of having gone to sleep in a four-post bedstead which had turned bottom
+upwards in the course of the night. There was more reason in this too,
+than in the roasting of eggs; for the first objects Mr Tapley recognized
+when he opened his eyes were his own heels--looking down to him, as he
+afterwards observed, from a nearly perpendicular elevation.
+
+'Well!' said Mark, getting himself into a sitting posture, after various
+ineffectual struggles with the rolling of the ship. 'This is the first
+time as ever I stood on my head all night.'
+
+'You shouldn't go to sleep upon the ground with your head to leeward
+then,' growled a man in one of the berths.
+
+'With my head to WHERE?' asked Mark.
+
+The man repeated his previous sentiment.
+
+'No, I won't another time,' said Mark, 'when I know whereabouts on the
+map that country is. In the meanwhile I can give you a better piece of
+advice. Don't you nor any other friend of mine never go to sleep with
+his head in a ship any more.'
+
+The man gave a grunt of discontented acquiescence, turned over in his
+berth, and drew his blanket over his head.
+
+'--For,' said Mr Tapley, pursuing the theme by way of soliloquy in a low
+tone of voice; 'the sea is as nonsensical a thing as any going. It never
+knows what to do with itself. It hasn't got no employment for its
+mind, and is always in a state of vacancy. Like them Polar bears in the
+wild-beast shows as is constantly a-nodding their heads from side to
+side, it never CAN be quiet. Which is entirely owing to its uncommon
+stupidity.'
+
+'Is that you, Mark?' asked a faint voice from another berth.
+
+'It's as much of me as is left, sir, after a fortnight of this work,'
+Mr Tapley replied, 'What with leading the life of a fly, ever since I've
+been aboard--for I've been perpetually holding-on to something or other
+in a upside-down position--what with that, sir, and putting a very
+little into myself, and taking a good deal out of myself, there an't too
+much of me to swear by. How do you find yourself this morning, sir?'
+
+'Very miserable,' said Martin, with a peevish groan. 'Ugh. This is
+wretched, indeed!'
+
+'Creditable,' muttered Mark, pressing one hand upon his aching head and
+looking round him with a rueful grin. 'That's the great comfort. It IS
+creditable to keep up one's spirits here. Virtue's its own reward. So's
+jollity.'
+
+Mark was so far right that unquestionably any man who retained his
+cheerfulness among the steerage accommodations of that noble and
+fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, 'THE SCREW,' was solely indebted to
+his own resources, and shipped his good humour, like his provisions,
+without any contribution or assistance from the owners. A dark, low,
+stifling cabin, surrounded by berths all filled to overflowing with men,
+women, and children, in various stages of sickness and misery, is not
+the liveliest place of assembly at any time; but when it is so crowded
+(as the steerage cabin of the Screw was, every passage out), that
+mattresses and beds are heaped upon the floor, to the extinction of
+everything like comfort, cleanliness, and decency, it is liable to
+operate not only as a pretty strong banner against amiability of temper,
+but as a positive encourager of selfish and rough humours. Mark felt
+this, as he sat looking about him; and his spirits rose proportionately.
+
+There were English people, Irish people, Welsh people, and Scotch people
+there; all with their little store of coarse food and shabby clothes;
+and nearly all with their families of children. There were children of
+all ages; from the baby at the breast, to the slattern-girl who was as
+much a grown woman as her mother. Every kind of domestic suffering that
+is bred in poverty, illness, banishment, sorrow, and long travel in bad
+weather, was crammed into the little space; and yet was there infinitely
+less of complaint and querulousness, and infinitely more of mutual
+assistance and general kindness to be found in that unwholesome ark,
+than in many brilliant ballrooms.
+
+Mark looked about him wistfully, and his face brightened as he looked.
+Here an old grandmother was crooning over a sick child, and rocking it
+to and fro, in arms hardly more wasted than its own young limbs; here a
+poor woman with an infant in her lap, mended another little creature's
+clothes, and quieted another who was creeping up about her from their
+scanty bed upon the floor. Here were old men awkwardly engaged in little
+household offices, wherein they would have been ridiculous but for their
+good-will and kind purpose; and here were swarthy fellows--giants in
+their way--doing such little acts of tenderness for those about them,
+as might have belonged to gentlest-hearted dwarfs. The very idiot in
+the corner who sat mowing there, all day, had his faculty of imitation
+roused by what he saw about him; and snapped his fingers to amuse a
+crying child.
+
+'Now, then,' said Mark, nodding to a woman who was dressing her three
+children at no great distance from him--and the grin upon his face had
+by this time spread from ear to ear--'Hand over one of them young 'uns
+according to custom.'
+
+'I wish you'd get breakfast, Mark, instead of worrying with people who
+don't belong to you,' observed Martin, petulantly.
+
+'All right,' said Mark. 'SHE'll do that. It's a fair division of labour,
+sir. I wash her boys, and she makes our tea. I never COULD make tea, but
+any one can wash a boy.'
+
+The woman, who was delicate and ill, felt and understood his kindness,
+as well she might, for she had been covered every night with his
+greatcoat, while he had for his own bed the bare boards and a rug. But
+Martin, who seldom got up or looked about him, was quite incensed by the
+folly of this speech, and expressed his dissatisfaction by an impatient
+groan.
+
+'So it is, certainly,' said Mark, brushing the child's hair as coolly as
+if he had been born and bred a barber.
+
+'What are you talking about, now?' asked Martin.
+
+'What you said,' replied Mark; 'or what you meant, when you gave that
+there dismal vent to your feelings. I quite go along with it, sir. It IS
+very hard upon her.'
+
+'What is?'
+
+'Making the voyage by herself along with these young impediments here,
+and going such a way at such a time of the year to join her husband.
+If you don't want to be driven mad with yellow soap in your eye, young
+man,' said Mr Tapley to the second urchin, who was by this time under
+his hands at the basin, 'you'd better shut it.'
+
+'Where does she join her husband?' asked Martin, yawning.
+
+'Why, I'm very much afraid,' said Mr Tapley, in a low voice, 'that she
+don't know. I hope she mayn't miss him. But she sent her last letter by
+hand, and it don't seem to have been very clearly understood between 'em
+without it, and if she don't see him a-waving his pocket-handkerchief on
+the shore, like a pictur out of a song-book, my opinion is, she'll break
+her heart.'
+
+'Why, how, in Folly's name, does the woman come to be on board ship on
+such a wild-goose venture!' cried Martin.
+
+Mr Tapley glanced at him for a moment as he lay prostrate in his berth,
+and then said, very quietly:
+
+'Ah! How indeed! I can't think! He's been away from her for two year;
+she's been very poor and lonely in her own country; and has always been
+a-looking forward to meeting him. It's very strange she should be here.
+Quite amazing! A little mad perhaps! There can't be no other way of
+accounting for it.'
+
+Martin was too far gone in the lassitude of sea-sickness to make any
+reply to these words, or even to attend to them as they were spoken. And
+the subject of their discourse returning at this crisis with some hot
+tea, effectually put a stop to any resumption of the theme by Mr Tapley;
+who, when the meal was over and he had adjusted Martin's bed, went up on
+deck to wash the breakfast service, which consisted of two half-pint tin
+mugs, and a shaving-pot of the same metal.
+
+It is due to Mark Tapley to state that he suffered at least as much from
+sea-sickness as any man, woman, or child, on board; and that he had a
+peculiar faculty of knocking himself about on the smallest provocation,
+and losing his legs at every lurch of the ship. But resolved, in his
+usual phrase, to 'come out strong' under disadvantageous circumstances,
+he was the life and soul of the steerage, and made no more of stopping
+in the middle of a facetious conversation to go away and be excessively
+ill by himself, and afterwards come back in the very best and gayest of
+tempers to resume it, than if such a course of proceeding had been the
+commonest in the world.
+
+It cannot be said that as his illness wore off, his cheerfulness and
+good nature increased, because they would hardly admit of augmentation;
+but his usefulness among the weaker members of the party was much
+enlarged; and at all times and seasons there he was exerting it. If
+a gleam of sun shone out of the dark sky, down Mark tumbled into the
+cabin, and presently up he came again with a woman in his arms, or
+half-a-dozen children, or a man, or a bed, or a saucepan, or a basket,
+or something animate or inanimate, that he thought would be the better
+for the air. If an hour or two of fine weather in the middle of the day
+tempted those who seldom or never came on deck at other times to crawl
+into the long-boat, or lie down upon the spare spars, and try to eat,
+there, in the centre of the group, was Mr Tapley, handing about salt
+beef and biscuit, or dispensing tastes of grog, or cutting up the
+children's provisions with his pocketknife, for their greater ease and
+comfort, or reading aloud from a venerable newspaper, or singing some
+roaring old song to a select party, or writing the beginnings of letters
+to their friends at home for people who couldn't write, or cracking
+jokes with the crew, or nearly getting blown over the side, or emerging,
+half-drowned, from a shower of spray, or lending a hand somewhere or
+other; but always doing something for the general entertainment. At
+night, when the cooking-fire was lighted on the deck, and the driving
+sparks that flew among the rigging, and the clouds of sails, seemed to
+menace the ship with certain annihilation by fire, in case the elements
+of air and water failed to compass her destruction; there, again, was Mr
+Tapley, with his coat off and his shirt-sleeves turned up to his elbows,
+doing all kinds of culinary offices; compounding the strangest dishes;
+recognized by every one as an established authority; and helping all
+parties to achieve something which, left to themselves, they never could
+have done, and never would have dreamed of. In short, there never was a
+more popular character than Mark Tapley became, on board that noble and
+fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw; and he attained at last to
+such a pitch of universal admiration, that he began to have grave doubts
+within himself whether a man might reasonably claim any credit for being
+jolly under such exciting circumstances.
+
+'If this was going to last,' said Tapley, 'there'd be no great
+difference as I can perceive, between the Screw and the Dragon. I
+never am to get credit, I think. I begin to be afraid that the Fates is
+determined to make the world easy to me.'
+
+'Well, Mark,' said Martin, near whose berth he had ruminated to this
+effect. 'When will this be over?'
+
+'Another week, they say, sir,' returned Mark, 'will most likely bring
+us into port. The ship's a-going along at present, as sensible as a ship
+can, sir; though I don't mean to say as that's any very high praise.'
+
+'I don't think it is, indeed,' groaned Martin.
+
+'You'd feel all the better for it, sir, if you was to turn out,'
+observed Mark.
+
+'And be seen by the ladies and gentlemen on the after-deck,' returned
+Martin, with a scronful emphasis upon the words, 'mingling with the
+beggarly crowd that are stowed away in this vile hole. I should be
+greatly the better for that, no doubt.'
+
+'I'm thankful that I can't say from my own experience what the feelings
+of a gentleman may be,' said Mark, 'but I should have thought, sir, as a
+gentleman would feel a deal more uncomfortable down here than up in the
+fresh air, especially when the ladies and gentlemen in the after-cabin
+know just as much about him as he does about them, and are likely to
+trouble their heads about him in the same proportion. I should have
+thought that, certainly.'
+
+'I tell you, then,' rejoined Martin, 'you would have thought wrong, and
+do think wrong.'
+
+'Very likely, sir,' said Mark, with imperturbable good temper. 'I often
+do.'
+
+'As to lying here,' cried Martin, raising himself on his elbow, and
+looking angrily at his follower. 'Do you suppose it's a pleasure to lie
+here?'
+
+'All the madhouses in the world,' said Mr Tapley, 'couldn't produce such
+a maniac as the man must be who could think that.'
+
+'Then why are you forever goading and urging me to get up?' asked
+Martin, 'I lie here because I don't wish to be recognized, in the better
+days to which I aspire, by any purse-proud citizen, as the man who came
+over with him among the steerage passengers. I lie here because I wish
+to conceal my circumstances and myself, and not to arrive in a new world
+badged and ticketed as an utterly poverty-stricken man. If I could have
+afforded a passage in the after-cabin I should have held up my head with
+the rest. As I couldn't I hide it. Do you understand that?'
+
+'I am very sorry, sir,' said Mark. 'I didn't know you took it so much to
+heart as this comes to.'
+
+'Of course you didn't know,' returned his master. 'How should you
+know, unless I told you? It's no trial to you, Mark, to make yourself
+comfortable and to bustle about. It's as natural for you to do so under
+the circumstances as it is for me not to do so. Why, you don't suppose
+there is a living creature in this ship who can by possibility have half
+so much to undergo on board of her as I have? Do you?' he asked, sitting
+upright in his berth and looking at Mark, with an expression of great
+earnestness not unmixed with wonder.
+
+Mark twisted his face into a tight knot, and with his head very much
+on one side, pondered upon this question as if he felt it an extremely
+difficult one to answer. He was relieved from his embarrassment by
+Martin himself, who said, as he stretched himself upon his back again
+and resumed the book he had been reading:
+
+'But what is the use of my putting such a case to you, when the very
+essence of what I have been saying is, that you cannot by possibility
+understand it! Make me a little brandy-and-water--cold and very
+weak--and give me a biscuit, and tell your friend, who is a nearer
+neighbour of ours than I could wish, to try and keep her children a
+little quieter to-night than she did last night; that's a good fellow.'
+
+Mr Tapley set himself to obey these orders with great alacrity, and
+pending their execution, it may be presumed his flagging spirits
+revived; inasmuch as he several times observed, below his breath, that
+in respect of its power of imparting a credit to jollity, the Screw
+unquestionably had some decided advantages over the Dragon. He also
+remarked that it was a high gratification to him to reflect that he
+would carry its main excellence ashore with him, and have it constantly
+beside him wherever he went; but what he meant by these consolatory
+thoughts he did not explain.
+
+And now a general excitement began to prevail on board; and various
+predictions relative to the precise day, and even the precise hour
+at which they would reach New York, were freely broached. There was
+infinitely more crowding on deck and looking over the ship's side than
+there had been before; and an epidemic broke out for packing up things
+every morning, which required unpacking again every night. Those who had
+any letters to deliver, or any friends to meet, or any settled plans of
+going anywhere or doing anything, discussed their prospects a hundred
+times a day; and as this class of passengers was very small, and the
+number of those who had no prospects whatever was very large, there were
+plenty of listeners and few talkers. Those who had been ill all along,
+got well now, and those who had been well, got better. An American
+gentleman in the after-cabin, who had been wrapped up in fur and oilskin
+the whole passage, unexpectedly appeared in a very shiny, tall, black
+hat, and constantly overhauled a very little valise of pale leather,
+which contained his clothes, linen, brushes, shaving apparatus, books,
+trinkets, and other baggage. He likewise stuck his hands deep into
+his pockets, and walked the deck with his nostrils dilated, as already
+inhaling the air of Freedom which carries death to all tyrants, and can
+never (under any circumstances worth mentioning) be breathed by slaves.
+An English gentleman who was strongly suspected of having run away from
+a bank, with something in his possession belonging to its strong box
+besides the key, grew eloquent upon the subject of the rights of man,
+and hummed the Marseillaise Hymn constantly. In a word, one great
+sensation pervaded the whole ship, and the soil of America lay close
+before them; so close at last, that, upon a certain starlight night they
+took a pilot on board, and within a few hours afterwards lay to until
+the morning, awaiting the arrival of a steamboat in which the passengers
+were to be conveyed ashore.
+
+Off she came, soon after it was light next morning, and lying alongside
+an hour or more--during which period her very firemen were objects of
+hardly less interest and curiosity than if they had been so many angels,
+good or bad--took all her living freight aboard. Among them Mark, who
+still had his friend and her three children under his close protection;
+and Martin, who had once more dressed himself in his usual attire, but
+wore a soiled, old cloak above his ordinary clothes, until such time as
+he should separate for ever from his late companions.
+
+The steamer--which, with its machinery on deck, looked, as it worked its
+long slim legs, like some enormously magnified insect or antediluvian
+monster--dashed at great speed up a beautiful bay; and presently they
+saw some heights, and islands, and a long, flat, straggling city.
+
+'And this,' said Mr Tapley, looking far ahead, 'is the Land of Liberty,
+is it? Very well. I'm agreeable. Any land will do for me, after so much
+water!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SIXTEEN
+
+MARTIN DISEMBARKS FROM THAT NOBLE AND FAST-SAILING LINE-OF-PACKET SHIP,
+'THE SCREW', AT THE PORT OF NEW YORK, IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
+HE MAKES SOME ACQUAINTANCES, AND DINES AT A BOARDING-HOUSE. THE
+PARTICULARS OF THOSE TRANSACTIONS
+
+
+Some trifling excitement prevailed upon the very brink and margin of the
+land of liberty; for an alderman had been elected the day before;
+and Party Feeling naturally running rather high on such an exciting
+occasion, the friends of the disappointed candidate had found it
+necessary to assert the great principles of Purity of Election and
+Freedom of opinion by breaking a few legs and arms, and furthermore
+pursuing one obnoxious gentleman through the streets with the design of
+hitting his nose. These good-humoured little outbursts of the popular
+fancy were not in themselves sufficiently remarkable to create any great
+stir, after the lapse of a whole night; but they found fresh life and
+notoriety in the breath of the newsboys, who not only proclaimed them
+with shrill yells in all the highways and byways of the town, upon the
+wharves and among the shipping, but on the deck and down in the cabins
+of the steamboat; which, before she touched the shore, was boarded and
+overrun by a legion of those young citizens.
+
+'Here's this morning's New York Sewer!' cried one. 'Here's this
+morning's New York Stabber! Here's the New York Family Spy! Here's the
+New York Private Listener! Here's the New York Peeper! Here's the New
+York Plunderer! Here's the New York Keyhole Reporter! Here's the
+New York Rowdy Journal! Here's all the New York papers! Here's full
+particulars of the patriotic locofoco movement yesterday, in which
+the whigs was so chawed up; and the last Alabama gouging case; and the
+interesting Arkansas dooel with Bowie knives; and all the Political,
+Commercial, and Fashionable News. Here they are! Here they are! Here's
+the papers, here's the papers!'
+
+'Here's the Sewer!' cried another. 'Here's the New York Sewer! Here's
+some of the twelfth thousand of to-day's Sewer, with the best accounts
+of the markets, and all the shipping news, and four whole columns of
+country correspondence, and a full account of the Ball at Mrs White's
+last night, where all the beauty and fashion of New York was assembled;
+with the Sewer's own particulars of the private lives of all the ladies
+that was there! Here's the Sewer! Here's some of the twelfth thousand of
+the New York Sewer! Here's the Sewer's exposure of the Wall Street
+Gang, and the Sewer's exposure of the Washington Gang, and the Sewer's
+exclusive account of a flagrant act of dishonesty committed by the
+Secretary of State when he was eight years old; now communicated, at a
+great expense, by his own nurse. Here's the Sewer! Here's the New York
+Sewer, in its twelfth thousand, with a whole column of New Yorkers to be
+shown up, and all their names printed! Here's the Sewer's article
+upon the Judge that tried him, day afore yesterday, for libel, and the
+Sewer's tribute to the independent Jury that didn't convict him, and the
+Sewer's account of what they might have expected if they had! Here's
+the Sewer, here's the Sewer! Here's the wide-awake Sewer; always on the
+lookout; the leading Journal of the United States, now in its twelfth
+thousand, and still a-printing off:--Here's the New York Sewer!'
+
+'It is in such enlightened means,' said a voice almost in Martin's ear,
+'that the bubbling passions of my country find a vent.'
+
+Martin turned involuntarily, and saw, standing close at his side, a
+sallow gentleman, with sunken cheeks, black hair, small twinkling eyes,
+and a singular expression hovering about that region of his face, which
+was not a frown, nor a leer, and yet might have been mistaken at the
+first glance for either. Indeed it would have been difficult, on a much
+closer acquaintance, to describe it in any more satisfactory terms than
+as a mixed expression of vulgar cunning and conceit. This gentleman wore
+a rather broad-brimmed hat for the greater wisdom of his appearance; and
+had his arms folded for the greater impressiveness of his attitude. He
+was somewhat shabbily dressed in a blue surtout reaching nearly to
+his ankles, short loose trousers of the same colour, and a faded buff
+waistcoat, through which a discoloured shirt-frill struggled to force
+itself into notice, as asserting an equality of civil rights with
+the other portions of his dress, and maintaining a declaration of
+Independence on its own account. His feet, which were of unusually
+large proportions, were leisurely crossed before him as he half leaned
+against, half sat upon, the steamboat's bulwark; and his thick cane,
+shod with a mighty ferule at one end and armed with a great metal
+knob at the other, depended from a line-and-tassel on his wrist. Thus
+attired, and thus composed into an aspect of great profundity, the
+gentleman twitched up the right-hand corner of his mouth and his right
+eye simultaneously, and said, once more:
+
+'It is in such enlightened means that the bubbling passions of my
+country find a vent.'
+
+As he looked at Martin, and nobody else was by, Martin inclined his
+head, and said:
+
+'You allude to--?'
+
+'To the Palladium of rational Liberty at home, sir, and the dread of
+Foreign oppression abroad,' returned the gentleman, as he pointed with
+his cane to an uncommonly dirty newsboy with one eye. 'To the Envy of
+the world, sir, and the leaders of Human Civilization. Let me ask you
+sir,' he added, bringing the ferule of his stick heavily upon the deck
+with the air of a man who must not be equivocated with, 'how do you like
+my Country?'
+
+'I am hardly prepared to answer that question yet,' said Martin 'seeing
+that I have not been ashore.'
+
+'Well, I should expect you were not prepared, sir,' said the gentleman,
+'to behold such signs of National Prosperity as those?'
+
+He pointed to the vessels lying at the wharves; and then gave a vague
+flourish with his stick, as if he would include the air and water,
+generally, in this remark.
+
+'Really,' said Martin, 'I don't know. Yes. I think I was.'
+
+The gentleman glanced at him with a knowing look, and said he liked his
+policy. It was natural, he said, and it pleased him as a philosopher to
+observe the prejudices of human nature.
+
+'You have brought, I see, sir,' he said, turning round towards Martin,
+and resting his chin on the top of his stick, 'the usual amount of
+misery and poverty and ignorance and crime, to be located in the bosom
+of the great Republic. Well, sir! let 'em come on in shiploads from the
+old country. When vessels are about to founder, the rats are said to
+leave 'em. There is considerable of truth, I find, in that remark.'
+
+'The old ship will keep afloat a year or two longer yet, perhaps,' said
+Martin with a smile, partly occasioned by what the gentleman said,
+and partly by his manner of saying it, which was odd enough for he
+emphasised all the small words and syllables in his discourse, and left
+the others to take care of themselves; as if he thought the larger parts
+of speech could be trusted alone, but the little ones required to be
+constantly looked after.
+
+'Hope is said by the poet, sir,' observed the gentleman, 'to be the
+nurse of young Desire.'
+
+Martin signified that he had heard of the cardinal virtue in question
+serving occasionally in that domestic capacity.
+
+'She will not rear her infant in the present instance, sir, you'll
+find,' observed the gentleman.
+
+'Time will show,' said Martin.
+
+The gentleman nodded his head gravely; and said, 'What is your name,
+sir?'
+
+Martin told him.
+
+'How old are you, sir?'
+
+Martin told him.
+
+'What is your profession, sir?'
+
+Martin told him that also.
+
+'What is your destination, sir?' inquired the gentleman.
+
+'Really,' said Martin laughing, 'I can't satisfy you in that particular,
+for I don't know it myself.'
+
+'Yes?' said the gentleman.
+
+'No,' said Martin.
+
+The gentleman adjusted his cane under his left arm, and took a more
+deliberate and complete survey of Martin than he had yet had leisure to
+make. When he had completed his inspection, he put out his right hand,
+shook Martin's hand, and said:
+
+'My name is Colonel Diver, sir. I am the Editor of the New York Rowdy
+Journal.'
+
+Martin received the communication with that degree of respect which an
+announcement so distinguished appeared to demand.
+
+'The New York Rowdy Journal, sir,' resumed the colonel, 'is, as I expect
+you know, the organ of our aristocracy in this city.'
+
+'Oh! there IS an aristocracy here, then?' said Martin. 'Of what is it
+composed?'
+
+'Of intelligence, sir,' replied the colonel; 'of intelligence and
+virtue. And of their necessary consequence in this republic--dollars,
+sir.'
+
+Martin was very glad to hear this, feeling well assured that if
+intelligence and virtue led, as a matter of course, to the acquisition
+of dollars, he would speedily become a great capitalist. He was about
+to express the gratification such news afforded him, when he was
+interrupted by the captain of the ship, who came up at the moment to
+shake hands with the colonel; and who, seeing a well-dressed stranger on
+the deck (for Martin had thrown aside his cloak), shook hands with him
+also. This was an unspeakable relief to Martin, who, in spite of the
+acknowledged supremacy of Intelligence and virtue in that happy country,
+would have been deeply mortified to appear before Colonel Diver in the
+poor character of a steerage passenger.
+
+'Well cap'en!' said the colonel.
+
+'Well colonel,' cried the captain. 'You're looking most uncommon bright,
+sir. I can hardly realise its being you, and that's a fact.'
+
+'A good passage, cap'en?' inquired the colonel, taking him aside,
+
+'Well now! It was a pretty spanking run, sir,' said, or rather sung, the
+captain, who was a genuine New Englander; 'considerin' the weather.'
+
+'Yes?' said the colonel.
+
+'Well! It was, sir,' said the captain. 'I've just now sent a boy up to
+your office with the passenger-list, colonel.'
+
+'You haven't got another boy to spare, p'raps, cap'en?' said the
+colonel, in a tone almost amounting to severity.
+
+'I guess there air a dozen if you want 'em, colonel,' said the captain.
+
+'One moderate big 'un could convey a dozen champagne, perhaps,' observed
+the colonel, musing, 'to my office. You said a spanking run, I think?'
+
+'Well, so I did,' was the reply.
+
+'It's very nigh, you know,' observed the colonel. 'I'm glad it was a
+spanking run, cap'en. Don't mind about quarts if you're short of 'em.
+The boy can as well bring four-and-twenty pints, and travel twice as
+once.--A first-rate spanker, cap'en, was it? Yes?'
+
+'A most e--tarnal spanker,' said the skipper.
+
+'I admire at your good fortun, cap'en. You might loan me a corkscrew at
+the same time, and half-a-dozen glasses if you liked. However bad the
+elements combine against my country's noble packet-ship, the Screw,
+sir,' said the colonel, turning to Martin, and drawing a flourish on
+the surface of the deck with his cane, 'her passage either way is almost
+certain to eventuate a spanker!'
+
+The captain, who had the Sewer below at that moment, lunching
+expensively in one cabin, while the amiable Stabber was drinking himself
+into a state of blind madness in another, took a cordial leave of his
+friend the colonel, and hurried away to dispatch the champagne; well
+knowing (as it afterwards appeared) that if he failed to conciliate the
+editor of the Rowdy Journal, that potentate would denounce him and his
+ship in large capitals before he was a day older; and would probably
+assault the memory of his mother also, who had not been dead more than
+twenty years. The colonel being again left alone with Martin, checked
+him as he was moving away, and offered in consideration of his being an
+Englishman, to show him the town and to introduce him, if such were his
+desire, to a genteel boarding-house. But before they entered on these
+proceedings (he said), he would beseech the honour of his company at the
+office of the Rowdy Journal, to partake of a bottle of champagne of his
+own importation.
+
+All this was so extremely kind and hospitable, that Martin, though it
+was quite early in the morning, readily acquiesced. So, instructing
+Mark, who was deeply engaged with his friend and her three children,
+that when he had done assisting them, and had cleared the baggage,
+he was to wait for further orders at the Rowdy Journal Office, Martin
+accompanied his new friend on shore.
+
+They made their way as they best could through the melancholy crowd of
+emigrants upon the wharf, who, grouped about their beds and boxes, with
+the bare ground below them and the bare sky above, might have fallen
+from another planet, for anything they knew of the country; and walked
+for some short distance along a busy street, bounded on one side by the
+quays and shipping; and on the other by a long row of staring red-brick
+storehouses and offices, ornamented with more black boards and white
+letters, and more white boards and black letters, than Martin had ever
+seen before, in fifty times the space. Presently they turned up a narrow
+street, and presently into other narrow streets, until at last they
+stopped before a house whereon was painted in great characters, 'ROWDY
+JOURNAL.'
+
+The colonel, who had walked the whole way with one hand in his breast,
+his head occasionally wagging from side to side, and his hat thrown back
+upon his ears, like a man who was oppressed to inconvenience by a sense
+of his own greatness, led the way up a dark and dirty flight of stairs
+into a room of similar character, all littered and bestrewn with odds
+and ends of newspapers and other crumpled fragments, both in proof and
+manuscript. Behind a mangy old writing-table in this apartment sat a
+figure with a stump of a pen in its mouth and a great pair of scissors
+in its right hand, clipping and slicing at a file of Rowdy Journals;
+and it was such a laughable figure that Martin had some difficulty in
+preserving his gravity, though conscious of the close observation of
+Colonel Diver.
+
+The individual who sat clipping and slicing as aforesaid at the Rowdy
+Journals, was a small young gentleman of very juvenile appearance, and
+unwholesomely pale in the face; partly, perhaps, from intense thought,
+but partly, there is no doubt, from the excessive use of tobacco, which
+he was at that moment chewing vigorously. He wore his shirt-collar
+turned down over a black ribbon; and his lank hair, a fragile crop, was
+not only smoothed and parted back from his brow, that none of the Poetry
+of his aspect might be lost, but had, here and there, been grubbed up by
+the roots; which accounted for his loftiest developments being somewhat
+pimply. He had that order of nose on which the envy of mankind has
+bestowed the appellation 'snub,' and it was very much turned up at the
+end, as with a lofty scorn. Upon the upper lip of this young gentleman
+were tokens of a sandy down; so very, very smooth and scant, that,
+though encouraged to the utmost, it looked more like a recent trace of
+gingerbread than the fair promise of a moustache; and this conjecture,
+his apparently tender age went far to strengthen. He was intent upon
+his work. Every time he snapped the great pair of scissors, he made
+a corresponding motion with his jaws, which gave him a very terrible
+appearance.
+
+Martin was not long in determining within himself that this must be
+Colonel Diver's son; the hope of the family, and future mainspring of
+the Rowdy Journal. Indeed he had begun to say that he presumed this
+was the colonel's little boy, and that it was very pleasant to see
+him playing at Editor in all the guilelessness of childhood, when the
+colonel proudly interposed and said:
+
+'My War Correspondent, sir--Mr Jefferson Brick!'
+
+Martin could not help starting at this unexpected announcement, and the
+consciousness of the irretrievable mistake he had nearly made.
+
+Mr Brick seemed pleased with the sensation he produced upon the
+stranger, and shook hands with him, with an air of patronage designed
+to reassure him, and to let him blow that there was no occasion to be
+frightened, for he (Brick) wouldn't hurt him.
+
+'You have heard of Jefferson Brick, I see, sir,' quoth the colonel,
+with a smile. 'England has heard of Jefferson Brick. Europe has heard of
+Jefferson Brick. Let me see. When did you leave England, sir?'
+
+'Five weeks ago,' said Martin.
+
+'Five weeks ago,' repeated the colonel, thoughtfully; as he took his
+seat upon the table, and swung his legs. 'Now let me ask you, sir which
+of Mr Brick's articles had become at that time the most obnoxious to the
+British Parliament and the Court of Saint James's?'
+
+'Upon my word,' said Martin, 'I--'
+
+'I have reason to know, sir,' interrupted the colonel, 'that the
+aristocratic circles of your country quail before the name of Jefferson
+Brick. I should like to be informed, sir, from your lips, which of his
+sentiments has struck the deadliest blow--'
+
+'At the hundred heads of the Hydra of Corruption now grovelling in the
+dust beneath the lance of Reason, and spouting up to the universal arch
+above us, its sanguinary gore,' said Mr Brick, putting on a little blue
+cloth cap with a glazed front, and quoting his last article.
+
+'The libation of freedom, Brick'--hinted the colonel.
+
+'--Must sometimes be quaffed in blood, colonel,' cried Brick. And when
+he said 'blood,' he gave the great pair of scissors a sharp snap, as if
+THEY said blood too, and were quite of his opinion.
+
+This done, they both looked at Martin, pausing for a reply.
+
+'Upon my life,' said Martin, who had by this time quite recovered his
+usual coolness, 'I can't give you any satisfactory information about it;
+for the truth is that I--'
+
+'Stop!' cried the colonel, glancing sternly at his war correspondent and
+giving his head one shake after every sentence. 'That you never heard of
+Jefferson Brick, sir. That you never read Jefferson Brick, sir. That
+you never saw the Rowdy Journal, sir. That you never knew, sir, of its
+mighty influence upon the cabinets of Europe. Yes?'
+
+'That's what I was about to observe, certainly,' said Martin.
+
+'Keep cool, Jefferson,' said the colonel gravely. 'Don't bust! oh you
+Europeans! After that, let's have a glass of wine!' So saying, he got
+down from the table, and produced, from a basket outside the door, a
+bottle of champagne, and three glasses.
+
+'Mr Jefferson Brick, sir,' said the colonel, filling Martin's glass
+and his own, and pushing the bottle to that gentleman, 'will give us a
+sentiment.'
+
+'Well, sir!' cried the war correspondent, 'Since you have concluded to
+call upon me, I will respond. I will give you, sir, The Rowdy Journal
+and its brethren; the well of Truth, whose waters are black from being
+composed of printers' ink, but are quite clear enough for my country to
+behold the shadow of her Destiny reflected in.'
+
+'Hear, hear!' cried the colonel, with great complacency. 'There are
+flowery components, sir, in the language of my friend?'
+
+'Very much so, indeed,' said Martin.
+
+'There is to-day's Rowdy, sir,' observed the colonel, handing him a
+paper. 'You'll find Jefferson Brick at his usual post in the van of
+human civilization and moral purity.'
+
+The colonel was by this time seated on the table again. Mr Brick also
+took up a position on that same piece of furniture; and they fell to
+drinking pretty hard. They often looked at Martin as he read the paper,
+and then at each other. When he laid it down, which was not until they
+had finished a second bottle, the colonel asked him what he thought of
+it.
+
+'Why, it's horribly personal,' said Martin.
+
+The colonel seemed much flattered by this remark; and said he hoped it
+was.
+
+'We are independent here, sir,' said Mr Jefferson Brick. 'We do as we
+like.'
+
+'If I may judge from this specimen,' returned Martin, 'there must be a
+few thousands here, rather the reverse of independent, who do as they
+don't like.'
+
+'Well! They yield to the popular mind of the Popular Instructor, sir,'
+said the colonel. 'They rile up, sometimes; but in general we have a
+hold upon our citizens, both in public and in private life, which is as
+much one of the ennobling institutions of our happy country as--'
+
+'As nigger slavery itself,' suggested Mr Brick.
+
+'En--tirely so,' remarked the colonel.
+
+'Pray,' said Martin, after some hesitation, 'may I venture to ask,
+with reference to a case I observe in this paper of yours, whether the
+Popular Instructor often deals in--I am at a loss to express it without
+giving you offence--in forgery? In forged letters, for instance,' he
+pursued, for the colonel was perfectly calm and quite at his ease,
+'solemnly purporting to have been written at recent periods by living
+men?'
+
+'Well, sir!' replied the colonel. 'It does, now and then.'
+
+'And the popular instructed--what do they do?' asked Martin.
+
+'Buy 'em:' said the colonel.
+
+Mr Jefferson Brick expectorated and laughed; the former copiously, the
+latter approvingly.
+
+'Buy 'em by hundreds of thousands,' resumed the colonel. 'We are a smart
+people here, and can appreciate smartness.'
+
+'Is smartness American for forgery?' asked Martin.
+
+'Well!' said the colonel, 'I expect it's American for a good many things
+that you call by other names. But you can't help yourself in Europe. We
+can.'
+
+'And do, sometimes,' thought Martin. 'You help yourselves with very
+little ceremony, too!'
+
+'At all events, whatever name we choose to employ,' said the colonel,
+stooping down to roll the third empty bottle into a corner after the
+other two, 'I suppose the art of forgery was not invented here sir?'
+
+'I suppose not,' replied Martin.
+
+'Nor any other kind of smartness I reckon?'
+
+'Invented! No, I presume not.'
+
+'Well!' said the colonel; 'then we got it all from the old country, and
+the old country's to blame for it, and not the new 'un. There's an end
+of THAT. Now, if Mr Jefferson Brick and you will be so good as to clear,
+I'll come out last, and lock the door.'
+
+Rightly interpreting this as the signal for their departure, Martin
+walked downstairs after the war correspondent, who preceded him with
+great majesty. The colonel following, they left the Rowdy Journal Office
+and walked forth into the streets; Martin feeling doubtful whether
+he ought to kick the colonel for having presumed to speak to him,
+or whether it came within the bounds of possibility that he and his
+establishment could be among the boasted usages of that regenerated
+land.
+
+It was clear that Colonel Diver, in the security of his strong position,
+and in his perfect understanding of the public sentiment, cared very
+little what Martin or anybody else thought about him. His high-spiced
+wares were made to sell, and they sold; and his thousands of readers
+could as rationally charge their delight in filth upon him, as a glutton
+can shift upon his cook the responsibility of his beastly excess.
+Nothing would have delighted the colonel more than to be told that
+no such man as he could walk in high success the streets of any other
+country in the world; for that would only have been a logical assurance
+to him of the correct adaptation of his labours to the prevailing taste,
+and of his being strictly and peculiarly a national feature of America.
+
+They walked a mile or more along a handsome street which the colonel
+said was called Broadway, and which Mr Jefferson Brick said 'whipped the
+universe.' Turning, at length, into one of the numerous streets which
+branched from this main thoroughfare, they stopped before a rather
+mean-looking house with jalousie blinds to every window; a flight of
+steps before the green street-door; a shining white ornament on the
+rails on either side like a petrified pineapple, polished; a little
+oblong plate of the same material over the knocker whereon the name of
+'Pawkins' was engraved; and four accidental pigs looking down the area.
+
+The colonel knocked at this house with the air of a man who lived there;
+and an Irish girl popped her head out of one of the top windows to see
+who it was. Pending her journey downstairs, the pigs were joined by two
+or three friends from the next street, in company with whom they lay
+down sociably in the gutter.
+
+'Is the major indoors?' inquired the colonel, as he entered.
+
+'Is it the master, sir?' returned the girl, with a hesitation
+which seemed to imply that they were rather flush of majors in that
+establishment.
+
+'The master!' said Colonel Diver, stopping short and looking round at
+his war correspondent.
+
+'Oh! The depressing institutions of that British empire, colonel!' said
+Jefferson Brick. 'Master!'
+
+'What's the matter with the word?' asked Martin.
+
+'I should hope it was never heard in our country, sir; that's all,' said
+Jefferson Brick; 'except when it is used by some degraded Help, as new
+to the blessings of our form of government, as this Help is. There are
+no masters here.'
+
+'All "owners," are they?' said Martin.
+
+Mr Jefferson Brick followed in the Rowdy Journal's footsteps without
+returning any answer. Martin took the same course, thinking as he went,
+that perhaps the free and independent citizens, who in their moral
+elevation, owned the colonel for their master, might render better
+homage to the goddess, Liberty, in nightly dreams upon the oven of a
+Russian Serf.
+
+The colonel led the way into a room at the back of the house upon
+the ground-floor, light, and of fair dimensions, but exquisitely
+uncomfortable; having nothing in it but the four cold white walls and
+ceiling, a mean carpet, a dreary waste of dining-table reaching from
+end to end, and a bewildering collection of cane-bottomed chairs. In the
+further region of this banqueting-hall was a stove, garnished on either
+side with a great brass spittoon, and shaped in itself like three little
+iron barrels set up on end in a fender, and joined together on the
+principle of the Siamese Twins. Before it, swinging himself in a
+rocking-chair, lounged a large gentleman with his hat on, who amused
+himself by spitting alternately into the spittoon on the right hand of
+the stove, and the spittoon on the left, and then working his way back
+again in the same order. A negro lad in a soiled white jacket was busily
+engaged in placing on the table two long rows of knives and forks,
+relieved at intervals by jugs of water; and as he travelled down one
+side of this festive board, he straightened with his dirty hands the
+dirtier cloth, which was all askew, and had not been removed since
+breakfast. The atmosphere of this room was rendered intensely hot and
+stifling by the stove; but being further flavoured by a sickly gush
+of soup from the kitchen, and by such remote suggestions of tobacco as
+lingered within the brazen receptacles already mentioned, it became, to
+a stranger's senses, almost insupportable.
+
+The gentleman in the rocking-chair having his back towards them, and
+being much engaged in his intellectual pastime, was not aware of their
+approach until the colonel, walking up to the stove, contributed
+his mite towards the support of the left-hand spittoon, just as the
+major--for it was the major--bore down upon it. Major Pawkins then
+reserved his fire, and looking upward, said, with a peculiar air of
+quiet weariness, like a man who had been up all night--an air which
+Martin had already observed both in the colonel and Mr Jefferson Brick--
+
+'Well, colonel!'
+
+'Here is a gentleman from England, major,' the colonel replied, 'who
+has concluded to locate himself here if the amount of compensation suits
+him.'
+
+'I am glad to see you, sir,' observed the major, shaking hands with
+Martin, and not moving a muscle of his face. 'You are pretty bright, I
+hope?'
+
+'Never better,' said Martin.
+
+'You are never likely to be,' returned the major. 'You will see the sun
+shine HERE.'
+
+'I think I remember to have seen it shine at home sometimes,' said
+Martin, smiling.
+
+'I think not,' replied the major. He said so with a stoical indifference
+certainly, but still in a tone of firmness which admitted of no further
+dispute on that point. When he had thus settled the question, he put his
+hat a little on one side for the greater convenience of scratching his
+head, and saluted Mr Jefferson Brick with a lazy nod.
+
+Major Pawkins (a gentleman of Pennsylvanian origin) was distinguished by
+a very large skull, and a great mass of yellow forehead; in deference
+to which commodities it was currently held in bar-rooms and other such
+places of resort that the major was a man of huge sagacity. He was
+further to be known by a heavy eye and a dull slow manner; and for being
+a man of that kind who--mentally speaking--requires a deal of room to
+turn himself in. But, in trading on his stock of wisdom, he invariably
+proceeded on the principle of putting all the goods he had (and more)
+into his window; and that went a great way with his constituency of
+admirers. It went a great way, perhaps, with Mr Jefferson Brick, who
+took occasion to whisper in Martin's ear:
+
+'One of the most remarkable men in our country, sir!'
+
+It must not be supposed, however, that the perpetual exhibition in the
+market-place of all his stock-in-trade for sale or hire, was the major's
+sole claim to a very large share of sympathy and support. He was a great
+politician; and the one article of his creed, in reference to all public
+obligations involving the good faith and integrity of his country, was,
+'run a moist pen slick through everything, and start fresh.' This
+made him a patriot. In commercial affairs he was a bold speculator.
+In plainer words he had a most distinguished genius for swindling, and
+could start a bank, or negotiate a loan, or form a land-jobbing company
+(entailing ruin, pestilence, and death, on hundreds of families), with
+any gifted creature in the Union. This made him an admirable man of
+business. He could hang about a bar-room, discussing the affairs of the
+nation, for twelve hours together; and in that time could hold forth
+with more intolerable dulness, chew more tobacco, smoke more tobacco,
+drink more rum-toddy, mint-julep, gin-sling, and cocktail, than any
+private gentleman of his acquaintance. This made him an orator and a
+man of the people. In a word, the major was a rising character, and a
+popular character, and was in a fair way to be sent by the popular party
+to the State House of New York, if not in the end to Washington itself.
+But as a man's private prosperity does not always keep pace with his
+patriotic devotion to public affairs; and as fraudulent transactions
+have their downs as well as ups, the major was occasionally under a
+cloud. Hence, just now Mrs Pawkins kept a boarding-house, and Major
+Pawkins rather 'loafed' his time away than otherwise.
+
+'You have come to visit our country, sir, at a season of great
+commercial depression,' said the major.
+
+'At an alarming crisis,' said the colonel.
+
+'At a period of unprecedented stagnation,' said Mr Jefferson Brick.
+
+'I am sorry to hear that,' returned Martin. 'It's not likely to last, I
+hope?'
+
+Martin knew nothing about America, or he would have known perfectly well
+that if its individual citizens, to a man, are to be believed, it always
+IS depressed, and always IS stagnated, and always IS at an alarming
+crisis, and never was otherwise; though as a body they are ready to make
+oath upon the Evangelists at any hour of the day or night, that it
+is the most thriving and prosperous of all countries on the habitable
+globe.
+
+'It's not likely to last, I hope?' said Martin.
+
+'Well!' returned the major, 'I expect we shall get along somehow, and
+come right in the end.'
+
+'We are an elastic country,' said the Rowdy Journal.
+
+'We are a young lion,' said Mr Jefferson Brick.
+
+'We have revivifying and vigorous principles within ourselves,' observed
+the major. 'Shall we drink a bitter afore dinner, colonel?'
+
+The colonel assenting to this proposal with great alacrity, Major
+Pawkins proposed an adjournment to a neighbouring bar-room, which, as he
+observed, was 'only in the next block.' He then referred Martin to
+Mrs Pawkins for all particulars connected with the rate of board and
+lodging, and informed him that he would have the pleasure of seeing that
+lady at dinner, which would soon be ready, as the dinner hour was two
+o'clock, and it only wanted a quarter now. This reminded him that if the
+bitter were to be taken at all, there was no time to lose; so he walked
+off without more ado, and left them to follow if they thought proper.
+
+When the major rose from his rocking-chair before the stove, and so
+disturbed the hot air and balmy whiff of soup which fanned their brows,
+the odour of stale tobacco became so decidedly prevalent as to leave no
+doubt of its proceeding mainly from that gentleman's attire. Indeed,
+as Martin walked behind him to the bar-room, he could not help thinking
+that the great square major, in his listlessness and langour, looked
+very much like a stale weed himself; such as might be hoed out of
+the public garden, with great advantage to the decent growth of that
+preserve, and tossed on some congenial dunghill.
+
+They encountered more weeds in the bar-room, some of whom (being thirsty
+souls as well as dirty) were pretty stale in one sense, and pretty fresh
+in another. Among them was a gentleman who, as Martin gathered from the
+conversation that took place over the bitter, started that afternoon for
+the Far West on a six months' business tour, and who, as his outfit and
+equipment for this journey, had just such another shiny hat and just
+such another little pale valise as had composed the luggage of the
+gentleman who came from England in the Screw.
+
+They were walking back very leisurely; Martin arm-in-arm with Mr
+Jefferson Brick, and the major and the colonel side-by-side before them;
+when, as they came within a house or two of the major's residence, they
+heard a bell ringing violently. The instant this sound struck upon their
+ears, the colonel and the major darted off, dashed up the steps and in
+at the street-door (which stood ajar) like lunatics; while Mr Jefferson
+Brick, detaching his arm from Martin's, made a precipitate dive in the
+same direction, and vanished also.
+
+'Good Heaven!' thought Martin. 'The premises are on fire! It was an
+alarm bell!'
+
+But there was no smoke to be seen, nor any flame, nor was there any
+smell of fire. As Martin faltered on the pavement, three more gentlemen,
+with horror and agitation depicted in their faces, came plunging wildly
+round the street corner; jostled each other on the steps; struggled for
+an instant; and rushed into the house, a confused heap of arms and
+legs. Unable to bear it any longer, Martin followed. Even in his
+rapid progress he was run down, thrust aside, and passed, by two more
+gentlemen, stark mad, as it appeared, with fierce excitement.
+
+'Where is it?' cried Martin, breathlessly, to a negro whom he
+encountered in the passage.
+
+'In a eatin room, sa. Kernell, sa, him kep a seat 'side himself, sa.'
+
+'A seat!' cried Martin.
+
+'For a dinnar, sa.'
+
+Martin started at him for a moment, and burst into a hearty laugh; to
+which the negro, out of his natural good humour and desire to please, so
+heartily responded, that his teeth shone like a gleam of light. 'You're
+the pleasantest fellow I have seen yet,' said Martin clapping him on the
+back, 'and give me a better appetite than bitters.'
+
+With this sentiment he walked into the dining-room and slipped into
+a chair next the colonel, which that gentleman (by this time nearly
+through his dinner) had turned down in reserve for him, with its back
+against the table.
+
+It was a numerous company--eighteen or twenty perhaps. Of these some
+five or six were ladies, who sat wedged together in a little phalanx by
+themselves. All the knives and forks were working away at a rate that
+was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to
+eat his utmost in self-defence, as if a famine were expected to set in
+before breakfast time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time
+to assert the first law of nature. The poultry, which may perhaps be
+considered to have formed the staple of the entertainment--for there was
+a turkey at the top, a pair of ducks at the bottom, and two fowls in the
+middle--disappeared as rapidly as if every bird had had the use of its
+wings, and had flown in desperation down a human throat. The oysters,
+stewed and pickled, leaped from their capacious reservoirs, and slid by
+scores into the mouths of the assembly. The sharpest pickles vanished,
+whole cucumbers at once, like sugar-plums, and no man winked his eye.
+Great heaps of indigestible matter melted away as ice before the sun.
+It was a solemn and an awful thing to see. Dyspeptic individuals bolted
+their food in wedges; feeding, not themselves, but broods of nightmares,
+who were continually standing at livery within them. Spare men, with
+lank and rigid cheeks, came out unsatisfied from the destruction of
+heavy dishes, and glared with watchful eyes upon the pastry. What Mrs
+Pawkins felt each day at dinner-time is hidden from all human knowledge.
+But she had one comfort. It was very soon over.
+
+When the colonel had finished his dinner, which event took place while
+Martin, who had sent his plate for some turkey, was waiting to begin,
+he asked him what he thought of the boarders, who were from all parts of
+the Union, and whether he would like to know any particulars concerning
+them.
+
+'Pray,' said Martin, 'who is that sickly little girl opposite, with the
+tight round eyes? I don't see anybody here, who looks like her mother,
+or who seems to have charge of her.'
+
+'Do you mean the matron in blue, sir?' asked the colonel, with emphasis.
+'That is Mrs Jefferson Brick, sir.'
+
+'No, no,' said Martin, 'I mean the little girl, like a doll; directly
+opposite.'
+
+'Well, sir!' cried the colonel. 'THAT is Mrs Jefferson Brick.'
+
+Martin glanced at the colonel's face, but he was quite serious.
+
+'Bless my soul! I suppose there will be a young Brick then, one of these
+days?' said Martin.
+
+'There are two young Bricks already, sir,' returned the colonel.
+
+The matron looked so uncommonly like a child herself, that Martin could
+not help saying as much. 'Yes, sir,' returned the colonel, 'but some
+institutions develop human natur; others re--tard it.'
+
+'Jefferson Brick,' he observed after a short silence, in commendation
+of his correspondent, 'is one of the most remarkable men in our country,
+sir!'
+
+This had passed almost in a whisper, for the distinguished gentleman
+alluded to sat on Martin's other hand.
+
+'Pray, Mr Brick,' said Martin, turning to him, and asking a question
+more for conversation's sake than from any feeling of interest in its
+subject, 'who is that;' he was going to say 'young' but thought it
+prudent to eschew the word--'that very short gentleman yonder, with the
+red nose?'
+
+'That is Pro--fessor Mullit, sir,' replied Jefferson.
+
+'May I ask what he is professor of?' asked Martin.
+
+'Of education, sir,' said Jefferson Brick.
+
+'A sort of schoolmaster, possibly?' Martin ventured to observe.
+
+'He is a man of fine moral elements, sir, and not commonly endowed,'
+said the war correspondent. 'He felt it necessary, at the last election
+for President, to repudiate and denounce his father, who voted on the
+wrong interest. He has since written some powerful pamphlets, under
+the signature of "Suturb," or Brutus reversed. He is one of the most
+remarkable men in our country, sir.'
+
+'There seem to be plenty of 'em,' thought Martin, 'at any rate.'
+
+Pursuing his inquiries Martin found that there were no fewer than four
+majors present, two colonels, one general, and a captain, so that he
+could not help thinking how strongly officered the American militia must
+be; and wondering very much whether the officers commanded each other;
+or if they did not, where on earth the privates came from. There seemed
+to be no man there without a title; for those who had not attained to
+military honours were either doctors, professors, or reverends. Three
+very hard and disagreeable gentlemen were on missions from neighbouring
+States; one on monetary affairs, one on political, one on sectarian.
+Among the ladies, there were Mrs Pawkins, who was very straight, bony,
+and silent; and a wiry-faced old damsel, who held strong sentiments
+touching the rights of women, and had diffused the same in lectures;
+but the rest were strangely devoid of individual traits of character,
+insomuch that any one of them might have changed minds with the other,
+and nobody would have found it out. These, by the way, were the only
+members of the party who did not appear to be among the most remarkable
+people in the country.
+
+Several of the gentlemen got up, one by one, and walked off as they
+swallowed their last morsel; pausing generally by the stove for a minute
+or so to refresh themselves at the brass spittoons. A few sedentary
+characters, however, remained at table full a quarter of an hour, and
+did not rise until the ladies rose, when all stood up.
+
+'Where are they going?' asked Martin, in the ear of Mr Jefferson Brick.
+
+'To their bedrooms, sir.'
+
+'Is there no dessert, or other interval of conversation?' asked Martin,
+who was disposed to enjoy himself after his long voyage.
+
+'We are a busy people here, sir, and have no time for that,' was the
+reply.
+
+So the ladies passed out in single file; Mr Jefferson Brick and such
+other married gentlemen as were left, acknowledging the departure
+of their other halves by a nod; and there was an end of THEM. Martin
+thought this an uncomfortable custom, but he kept his opinion to himself
+for the present, being anxious to hear, and inform himself by, the
+conversation of the busy gentlemen, who now lounged about the stove as
+if a great weight had been taken off their minds by the withdrawal of
+the other sex; and who made a plentiful use of the spittoons and their
+toothpicks.
+
+It was rather barren of interest, to say the truth; and the greater part
+of it may be summed up in one word. Dollars. All their cares, hopes,
+joys, affections, virtues, and associations, seemed to be melted down
+into dollars. Whatever the chance contributions that fell into the slow
+cauldron of their talk, they made the gruel thick and slab with dollars.
+Men were weighed by their dollars, measures gauged by their dollars;
+life was auctioneered, appraised, put up, and knocked down for its
+dollars. The next respectable thing to dollars was any venture having
+their attainment for its end. The more of that worthless ballast, honour
+and fair-dealing, which any man cast overboard from the ship of his Good
+Name and Good Intent, the more ample stowage-room he had for dollars.
+Make commerce one huge lie and mighty theft. Deface the banner of the
+nation for an idle rag; pollute it star by star; and cut out stripe by
+stripe as from the arm of a degraded soldier. Do anything for dollars!
+What is a flag to THEM!
+
+One who rides at all hazards of limb and life in the chase of a fox,
+will prefer to ride recklessly at most times. So it was with these
+gentlemen. He was the greatest patriot, in their eyes, who brawled the
+loudest, and who cared the least for decency. He was their champion who,
+in the brutal fury of his own pursuit, could cast no stigma upon them
+for the hot knavery of theirs. Thus, Martin learned in the five minutes'
+straggling talk about the stove, that to carry pistols into legislative
+assemblies, and swords in sticks, and other such peaceful toys; to seize
+opponents by the throat, as dogs or rats might do; to bluster, bully,
+and overbear by personal assailment; were glowing deeds. Not thrusts and
+stabs at Freedom, striking far deeper into her House of Life than any
+sultan's scimitar could reach; but rare incense on her altars, having a
+grateful scent in patriotic nostrils, and curling upward to the seventh
+heaven of Fame.
+
+Once or twice, when there was a pause, Martin asked such questions as
+naturally occurred to him, being a stranger, about the national poets,
+the theatre, literature, and the arts. But the information which these
+gentlemen were in a condition to give him on such topics, did not extend
+beyond the effusions of such master-spirits of the time as Colonel
+Diver, Mr Jefferson Brick, and others; renowned, as it appeared, for
+excellence in the achievement of a peculiar style of broadside essay
+called 'a screamer.'
+
+'We are a busy people, sir,' said one of the captains, who was from the
+West, 'and have no time for reading mere notions. We don't mind 'em
+if they come to us in newspapers along with almighty strong stuff of
+another sort, but darn your books.'
+
+Here the general, who appeared to grow quite faint at the bare thought
+of reading anything which was neither mercantile nor political, and was
+not in a newspaper, inquired 'if any gentleman would drink some?' Most
+of the company, considering this a very choice and seasonable idea,
+lounged out, one by one, to the bar-room in the next block. Thence
+they probably went to their stores and counting-houses; thence to the
+bar-room again, to talk once more of dollars, and enlarge their minds
+with the perusal and discussion of screamers; and thence each man to
+snore in the bosom of his own family.
+
+'Which would seem,' said Martin, pursuing the current of his own
+thoughts, 'to be the principal recreation they enjoy in common.' With
+that, he fell a-musing again on dollars, demagogues, and bar-rooms;
+debating within himself whether busy people of this class were really
+as busy as they claimed to be, or only had an inaptitude for social and
+domestic pleasure.
+
+It was a difficult question to solve; and the mere fact of its being
+strongly presented to his mind by all that he had seen and heard, was
+not encouraging. He sat down at the deserted board, and becoming
+more and more despondent, as he thought of all the uncertainties and
+difficulties of his precarious situation, sighed heavily.
+
+Now, there had been at the dinner-table a middle-aged man with a dark
+eye and a sunburnt face, who had attracted Martin's attention by having
+something very engaging and honest in the expression of his features;
+but of whom he could learn nothing from either of his neighbours, who
+seemed to consider him quite beneath their notice. He had taken no part
+in the conversation round the stove, nor had he gone forth with the
+rest; and now, when he heard Martin sigh for the third or fourth
+time, he interposed with some casual remark, as if he desired, without
+obtruding himself upon a stranger's notice, to engage him in cheerful
+conversation if he could. His motive was so obvious, and yet so
+delicately expressed, that Martin felt really grateful to him, and
+showed him so in the manner of his reply.
+
+'I will not ask you,' said this gentleman with a smile, as he rose and
+moved towards him, 'how you like my country, for I can quite anticipate
+your feeling on that point. But, as I am an American, and consequently
+bound to begin with a question, I'll ask you how you like the colonel?'
+
+'You are so very frank,' returned Martin, 'that I have no hesitation in
+saying I don't like him at all. Though I must add that I am beholden to
+him for his civility in bringing me here--and arranging for my stay,
+on pretty reasonable terms, by the way,' he added, remembering that the
+colonel had whispered him to that effect, before going out.
+
+'Not much beholden,' said the stranger drily. 'The colonel occasionally
+boards packet-ships, I have heard, to glean the latest information
+for his journal; and he occasionally brings strangers to board here, I
+believe, with a view to the little percentage which attaches to those
+good offices; and which the hostess deducts from his weekly bill. I
+don't offend you, I hope?' he added, seeing that Martin reddened.
+
+'My dear sir,' returned Martin, as they shook hands, 'how is that
+possible! to tell you the truth, I--am--'
+
+'Yes?' said the gentleman, sitting down beside him.
+
+'I am rather at a loss, since I must speak plainly,' said Martin,
+getting the better of his hesitation, 'to know how this colonel escapes
+being beaten.'
+
+'Well! He has been beaten once or twice,' remarked the gentleman
+quietly. 'He is one of a class of men, in whom our own Franklin, so
+long ago as ten years before the close of the last century, foresaw
+our danger and disgrace. Perhaps you don't know that Franklin, in very
+severe terms, published his opinion that those who were slandered
+by such fellows as this colonel, having no sufficient remedy in the
+administration of this country's laws or in the decent and right-minded
+feeling of its people, were justified in retorting on such public
+nuisances by means of a stout cudgel?'
+
+'I was not aware of that,' said Martin, 'but I am very glad to know
+it, and I think it worthy of his memory; especially'--here he hesitated
+again.
+
+'Go on,' said the other, smiling as if he knew what stuck in Martin's
+throat.
+
+'Especially,' pursued Martin, 'as I can already understand that it may
+have required great courage, even in his time, to write freely on any
+question which was not a party one in this very free country.'
+
+'Some courage, no doubt,' returned his new friend. 'Do you think it
+would require any to do so, now?'
+
+'Indeed I think it would; and not a little,' said Martin.
+
+'You are right. So very right, that I believe no satirist could breathe
+this air. If another Juvenal or Swift could rise up among us to-morrow,
+he would be hunted down. If you have any knowledge of our literature,
+and can give me the name of any man, American born and bred, who has
+anatomized our follies as a people, and not as this or that party; and
+who has escaped the foulest and most brutal slander, the most inveterate
+hatred and intolerant pursuit; it will be a strange name in my ears,
+believe me. In some cases I could name to you, where a native writer
+has ventured on the most harmless and good-humoured illustrations of
+our vices or defects, it has been found necessary to announce, that in
+a second edition the passage has been expunged, or altered, or explained
+away, or patched into praise.'
+
+'And how has this been brought about?' asked Martin, in dismay.
+
+'Think of what you have seen and heard to-day, beginning with the
+colonel,' said his friend, 'and ask yourself. How THEY came about,
+is another question. Heaven forbid that they should be samples of the
+intelligence and virtue of America, but they come uppermost, and in
+great numbers, and too often represent it. Will you walk?'
+
+There was a cordial candour in his manner, and an engaging confidence
+that it would not be abused; a manly bearing on his own part, and a
+simple reliance on the manly faith of a stranger; which Martin had
+never seen before. He linked his arm readily in that of the American
+gentleman, and they walked out together.
+
+It was perhaps to men like this, his new companion, that a traveller
+of honoured name, who trod those shores now nearly forty years ago, and
+woke upon that soil, as many have done since, to blots and stains upon
+its high pretensions, which in the brightness of his distant dreams were
+lost to view, appealed in these words--
+
+     'Oh, but for such, Columbia's days were done;
+     Rank without ripeness, quickened without sun,
+     Crude at the surface, rotten at the core,
+     Her fruits would fall before her spring were o'er!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
+
+MARTIN ENLARGES HIS CIRCLE OF AQUAINTANCE; INCREASES HIS STOCK
+OF WISDOM; AND HAS AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY OF COMPARING HIS OWN
+EXPERIENCES WITH THOSE OF LUMMY NED OF THE LIGHT SALISBURY, AS RELATED
+BY HIS FRIEND MR WILLIAM SIMMONS
+
+
+It was characteristic of Martin, that all this while he had either
+forgotten Mark Tapley as completely as if there had been no such person
+in existence, or, if for a moment the figure of that gentleman rose
+before his mental vision, had dismissed it as something by no means of
+a pressing nature, which might be attended to by-and-bye, and could wait
+his perfect leisure. But, being now in the streets again, it occurred to
+him as just coming within the bare limits of possibility that Mr Tapley
+might, in course of time, grow tired of waiting on the threshold of the
+Rowdy Journal Office, so he intimated to his new friend, that if they
+could conveniently walk in that direction, he would be glad to get this
+piece of business off his mind.
+
+'And speaking of business,' said Martin, 'may I ask, in order that I may
+not be behind-hand with questions either, whether your occupation holds
+you to this city, or like myself, you are a visitor here?'
+
+'A visitor,' replied his friend. 'I was "raised" in the State of
+Massachusetts, and reside there still. My home is in a quiet country
+town. I am not often in these busy places; and my inclination to visit
+them does not increase with our better acquaintance, I assure you.'
+
+'You have been abroad?' asked Martin.
+
+'Oh yes.'
+
+'And, like most people who travel, have become more than ever attached
+to your home and native country,' said Martin, eyeing him curiously.
+
+'To my home--yes,' rejoined his friend. 'To my native country AS my
+home--yes, also.'
+
+'You imply some reservation,' said Martin.
+
+'Well,' returned his new friend, 'if you ask me whether I came back here
+with a greater relish for my country's faults; with a greater fondness
+for those who claim (at the rate of so many dollars a day) to be her
+friends; with a cooler indifference to the growth of principles among
+us in respect of public matters and of private dealings between man and
+man, the advocacy of which, beyond the foul atmosphere of a criminal
+trial, would disgrace your own old Bailey lawyers; why, then I answer
+plainly, No.'
+
+'Oh!' said Martin; in so exactly the same key as his friend's No, that
+it sounded like an echo.
+
+'If you ask me,' his companion pursued, 'whether I came back here better
+satisfied with a state of things which broadly divides society into two
+classes--whereof one, the great mass, asserts a spurious independence,
+most miserably dependent for its mean existence on the disregard of
+humanizing conventionalities of manner and social custom, so that the
+coarser a man is, the more distinctly it shall appeal to his taste;
+while the other, disgusted with the low standard thus set up and made
+adaptable to everything, takes refuge among the graces and refinements
+it can bring to bear on private life, and leaves the public weal to
+such fortune as may betide it in the press and uproar of a general
+scramble--then again I answer, No.'
+
+And again Martin said 'Oh!' in the same odd way as before, being anxious
+and disconcerted; not so much, to say the truth, on public grounds, as
+with reference to the fading prospects of domestic architecture.
+
+'In a word,' resumed the other, 'I do not find and cannot believe and
+therefore will not allow, that we are a model of wisdom, and an example
+to the world, and the perfection of human reason, and a great deal more
+to the same purpose, which you may hear any hour in the day; simply
+because we began our political life with two inestimable advantages.'
+
+'What were they?' asked Martin.
+
+'One, that our history commenced at so late a period as to escape the
+ages of bloodshed and cruelty through which other nations have passed;
+and so had all the light of their probation, and none of its darkness.
+The other, that we have a vast territory, and not--as yet--too many
+people on it. These facts considered, we have done little enough, I
+think.'
+
+'Education?' suggested Martin, faintly.
+
+'Pretty well on that head,' said the other, shrugging his shoulders,
+'still no mighty matter to boast of; for old countries, and despotic
+countries too, have done as much, if not more, and made less noise about
+it. We shine out brightly in comparison with England, certainly; but
+hers is a very extreme case. You complimented me on my frankness, you
+know,' he added, laughing.
+
+'Oh! I am not at all astonished at your speaking thus openly when my
+country is in question,' returned Martin. 'It is your plain-speaking in
+reference to your own that surprises me.'
+
+'You will not find it a scarce quality here, I assure you, saving among
+the Colonel Divers, and Jefferson Bricks, and Major Pawkinses; though
+the best of us are something like the man in Goldsmith's comedy, who
+wouldn't suffer anybody but himself to abuse his master. Come!' he
+added. 'Let us talk of something else. You have come here on some design
+of improving your fortune, I dare say; and I should grieve to put you
+out of heart. I am some years older than you, besides; and may, on a few
+trivial points, advise you, perhaps.'
+
+There was not the least curiosity or impertinence in the manner of this
+offer, which was open-hearted, unaffected, and good-natured. As it was
+next to impossible that he should not have his confidence awakened by
+a deportment so prepossessing and kind, Martin plainly stated what had
+brought him into those parts, and even made the very difficult avowal
+that he was poor. He did not say how poor, it must be admitted, rather
+throwing off the declaration with an air which might have implied that
+he had money enough for six months, instead of as many weeks; but poor
+he said he was, and grateful he said he would be, for any counsel that
+his friend would give him.
+
+It would not have been very difficult for any one to see; but it was
+particularly easy for Martin, whose perceptions were sharpened by his
+circumstances, to discern; that the stranger's face grew infinitely
+longer as the domestic-architecture project was developed. Nor, although
+he made a great effort to be as encouraging as possible, could he
+prevent his head from shaking once involuntarily, as if it said in the
+vulgar tongue, upon its own account, 'No go!' But he spoke in a cheerful
+tone, and said, that although there was no such opening as Martin
+wished, in that city, he would make it matter of immediate consideration
+and inquiry where one was most likely to exist; and then he made Martin
+acquainted with his name, which was Bevan; and with his profession,
+which was physic, though he seldom or never practiced; and with other
+circumstances connected with himself and family, which fully occupied
+the time, until they reached the Rowdy Journal Office.
+
+Mr Tapley appeared to be taking his ease on the landing of the first
+floor; for sounds as of some gentleman established in that region
+whistling 'Rule Britannia' with all his might and main, greeted their
+ears before they reached the house. On ascending to the spot from
+whence this music proceeded, they found him recumbent in the midst of a
+fortification of luggage, apparently performing his national anthem
+for the gratification of a grey-haired black man, who sat on one of the
+outworks (a portmanteau), staring intently at Mark, while Mark, with
+his head reclining on his hand, returned the compliment in a thoughtful
+manner, and whistled all the time. He seemed to have recently dined, for
+his knife, a casebottle, and certain broken meats in a handkerchief, lay
+near at hand. He had employed a portion of his leisure in the decoration
+of the Rowdy Journal door, whereon his own initials now appeared in
+letters nearly half a foot long, together with the day of the month in
+smaller type; the whole surrounded by an ornamental border, and looking
+very fresh and bold.
+
+'I was a'most afraid you was lost, sir!' cried Mark, rising, and
+stopping the tune at that point where Britons generally are supposed to
+declare (when it is whistled) that they never, never, never--
+
+'Nothing gone wrong, I hope, sir?'
+
+'No, Mark. Where's your friend?'
+
+'The mad woman, sir?' said Mr Tapley. 'Oh! she's all right, sir.'
+
+'Did she find her husband?'
+
+'Yes, sir. Leastways she's found his remains,' said Mark, correcting
+himself.
+
+'The man's not dead, I hope?'
+
+'Not altogether dead, sir,' returned Mark; 'but he's had more fevers and
+agues than is quite reconcilable with being alive. When she didn't see
+him a-waiting for her, I thought she'd have died herself, I did!'
+
+'Was he not here, then?'
+
+'HE wasn't here. There was a feeble old shadow come a-creeping down at
+last, as much like his substance when she know'd him, as your shadow
+when it's drawn out to its very finest and longest by the sun, is like
+you. But it was his remains, there's no doubt about that. She took on
+with joy, poor thing, as much as if it had been all of him!'
+
+'Had he bought land?' asked Mr Bevan.
+
+'Ah! He'd bought land,' said Mark, shaking his head, 'and paid for it
+too. Every sort of nateral advantage was connected with it, the agents
+said; and there certainly was ONE, quite unlimited. No end to the
+water!'
+
+'It's a thing he couldn't have done without, I suppose,' observed
+Martin, peevishly.
+
+'Certainly not, sir. There it was, any way; always turned on, and no
+water-rate. Independent of three or four slimy old rivers close by,
+it varied on the farm from four to six foot deep in the dry season.
+He couldn't say how deep it was in the rainy time, for he never had
+anything long enough to sound it with.'
+
+'Is this true?' asked Martin of his companion.
+
+'Extremely probable,' he answered. 'Some Mississippi or Missouri lot, I
+dare say.'
+
+'However,' pursued Mark, 'he came from I-don't-know-where-and-all, down
+to New York here, to meet his wife and children; and they started off
+again in a steamboat this blessed afternoon, as happy to be along with
+each other as if they were going to Heaven. I should think they was,
+pretty straight, if I may judge from the poor man's looks.'
+
+'And may I ask,' said Martin, glancing, but not with any displeasure,
+from Mark to the negro, 'who this gentleman is? Another friend of
+yours?'
+
+'Why sir,' returned Mark, taking him aside, and speaking confidentially
+in his ear, 'he's a man of colour, sir!'
+
+'Do you take me for a blind man,' asked Martin, somewhat impatiently,
+'that you think it necessary to tell me that, when his face is the
+blackest that ever was seen?'
+
+'No, no; when I say a man of colour,' returned Mark, 'I mean that
+he's been one of them as there's picters of in the shops. A man and a
+brother, you know, sir,' said Mr Tapley, favouring his master with a
+significant indication of the figure so often represented in tracts and
+cheap prints.
+
+'A slave!' cried Martin, in a whisper.
+
+'Ah!' said Mark in the same tone. 'Nothing else. A slave. Why, when that
+there man was young--don't look at him while I'm a-telling it--he was
+shot in the leg; gashed in the arm; scored in his live limbs, like
+crimped fish; beaten out of shape; had his neck galled with an iron
+collar, and wore iron rings upon his wrists and ankles. The marks are on
+him to this day. When I was having my dinner just now, he stripped off
+his coat, and took away my appetite.'
+
+'Is THIS true?' asked Martin of his friend, who stood beside them.
+
+'I have no reason to doubt it,' he answered, shaking his head 'It very
+often is.'
+
+'Bless you,' said Mark, 'I know it is, from hearing his whole story.
+That master died; so did his second master from having his head cut
+open with a hatchet by another slave, who, when he'd done it, went and
+drowned himself; then he got a better one; in years and years he saved
+up a little money, and bought his freedom, which he got pretty cheap at
+last, on account of his strength being nearly gone, and he being ill.
+Then he come here. And now he's a-saving up to treat himself, afore
+he dies, to one small purchase--it's nothing to speak of. Only his own
+daughter; that's all!' cried Mr Tapley, becoming excited. 'Liberty for
+ever! Hurrah! Hail, Columbia!'
+
+'Hush!' cried Martin, clapping his hand upon his mouth; 'and don't be an
+idiot. What is he doing here?'
+
+'Waiting to take our luggage off upon a truck,' said Mark. 'He'd have
+come for it by-and-bye, but I engaged him for a very reasonable charge
+(out of my own pocket) to sit along with me and make me jolly; and I
+am jolly; and if I was rich enough to contract with him to wait upon me
+once a day, to be looked at, I'd never be anything else.'
+
+The fact may cause a solemn impeachment of Mark's veracity, but it must
+be admitted nevertheless, that there was that in his face and manner at
+the moment, which militated strongly against this emphatic declaration
+of his state of mind.
+
+'Lord love you, sir,' he added, 'they're so fond of Liberty in this part
+of the globe, that they buy her and sell her and carry her to market
+with 'em. They've such a passion for Liberty, that they can't help
+taking liberties with her. That's what it's owing to.'
+
+'Very well,' said Martin, wishing to change the theme. 'Having come to
+that conclusion, Mark, perhaps you'll attend to me. The place to which
+the luggage is to go is printed on this card. Mrs Pawkins's Boarding
+House.'
+
+'Mrs Pawkins's boarding-house,' repeated Mark. 'Now, Cicero.'
+
+'Is that his name?' asked Martin
+
+'That's his name, sir,' rejoined Mark. And the negro grinning assent
+from under a leathern portmanteau, than which his own face was many
+shades deeper, hobbled downstairs with his portion of their worldly
+goods; Mark Tapley having already gone before with his share.
+
+Martin and his friend followed them to the door below, and were about
+to pursue their walk, when the latter stopped, and asked, with some
+hesitation, whether that young man was to be trusted?
+
+'Mark! oh certainly! with anything.'
+
+'You don't understand me--I think he had better go with us. He is an
+honest fellow, and speaks his mind so very plainly.'
+
+'Why, the fact is,' said Martin, smiling, 'that being unaccustomed to a
+free republic, he is used to do so.'
+
+'I think he had better go with us,' returned the other. 'He may get into
+some trouble otherwise. This is not a slave State; but I am ashamed
+to say that a spirit of Tolerance is not so common anywhere in
+these latitudes as the form. We are not remarkable for behaving very
+temperately to each other when we differ; but to strangers! no, I really
+think he had better go with us.'
+
+Martin called to him immediately to be of their party; so Cicero and the
+truck went one way, and they three went another.
+
+They walked about the city for two or three hours; seeing it from the
+best points of view, and pausing in the principal streets, and before
+such public buildings as Mr Bevan pointed out. Night then coming
+on apace, Martin proposed that they should adjourn to Mrs Pawkins's
+establishment for coffee; but in this he was overruled by his new
+acquaintance, who seemed to have set his heart on carrying him, though
+it were only for an hour, to the house of a friend of his who lived hard
+by. Feeling (however disinclined he was, being weary) that it would be
+in bad taste, and not very gracious, to object that he was unintroduced,
+when this open-hearted gentleman was so ready to be his sponsor,
+Martin--for once in his life, at all events--sacrificed his own will and
+pleasure to the wishes of another, and consented with a fair grace. So
+travelling had done him that much good, already.
+
+Mr Bevan knocked at the door of a very neat house of moderate size, from
+the parlour windows of which, lights were shining brightly into the now
+dark street. It was quickly opened by a man with such a thoroughly Irish
+face, that it seemed as if he ought, as a matter of right and principle,
+to be in rags, and could have no sort of business to be looking
+cheerfully at anybody out of a whole suit of clothes.
+
+Commending Mark to the care of this phenomenon--for such he may be said
+to have been in Martin's eyes--Mr Bevan led the way into the room
+which had shed its cheerfulness upon the street, to whose occupants he
+introduced Mr Chuzzlewit as a gentleman from England, whose acquaintance
+he had recently had the pleasure to make. They gave him welcome in all
+courtesy and politeness; and in less than five minutes' time he found
+himself sitting very much at his ease by the fireside, and becoming
+vastly well acquainted with the whole family.
+
+There were two young ladies--one eighteen; the other twenty--both very
+slender, but very pretty; their mother, who looked, as Martin thought
+much older and more faded than she ought to have looked; and their
+grandmother, a little sharp-eyed, quick old woman, who seemed to have
+got past that stage, and to have come all right again. Besides these,
+there were the young ladies' father, and the young ladies' brother; the
+first engaged in mercantile affairs; the second, a student at college;
+both, in a certain cordiality of manner, like his own friend, and not
+unlike him in face. Which was no great wonder, for it soon appeared that
+he was their near relation. Martin could not help tracing the family
+pedigree from the two young ladies, because they were foremost in his
+thoughts; not only from being, as aforesaid, very pretty, but by reason
+of their wearing miraculously small shoes, and the thinnest possible
+silk stockings; the which their rocking-chairs developed to a
+distracting extent.
+
+There is no doubt that it was a monstrous comfortable circumstance to be
+sitting in a snug, well-furnished room, warmed by a cheerful fire, and
+full of various pleasant decorations, including four small shoes, and
+the like amount of silk stockings, and--yes, why not?--the feet and
+legs therein enshrined. And there is no doubt that Martin was monstrous
+well-disposed to regard his position in that light, after his recent
+experience of the Screw, and of Mrs Pawkins's boarding-house. The
+consequence was that he made himself very agreeable indeed; and by
+the time the tea and coffee arrived (with sweet preserves, and cunning
+tea-cakes in its train), was in a highly genial state, and much esteemed
+by the whole family.
+
+Another delightful circumstance turned up before the first cup of tea
+was drunk. The whole family had been in England. There was a pleasant
+thing! But Martin was not quite so glad of this, when he found that
+they knew all the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses, duchesses,
+knights, and baronets, quite affectionately, and were beyond everything
+interested in the least particular concerning them. However, when they
+asked, after the wearer of this or that coronet, and said, 'Was he quite
+well?' Martin answered, 'Yes, oh yes. Never better;' and when they said,
+'his lordship's mother, the duchess, was she much changed?' Martin said,
+'Oh dear no, they would know her anywhere, if they saw her to-morrow;'
+and so got on pretty well. In like manner when the young ladies
+questioned him touching the Gold Fish in that Grecian fountain in such
+and such a nobleman's conservatory, and whether there were as many as
+there used to be, he gravely reported, after mature consideration, that
+there must be at least twice as many; and as to the exotics, 'Oh! well!
+it was of no use talking about THEM; they must be seen to be believed;'
+which improved state of circumstances reminded the family of the
+splendour of that brilliant festival (comprehending the whole British
+Peerage and Court Calendar) to which they were specially invited, and
+which indeed had been partly given in their honour; and recollections
+of what Mr Norris the father had said to the marquess, and of what Mrs
+Norris the mother had said to the marchioness, and of what the marquess
+and marchioness had both said, when they said that upon their words and
+honours they wished Mr Norris the father and Mrs Norris the mother, and
+the Misses Norris the daughters, and Mr Norris Junior, the son, would
+only take up their permanent residence in England, and give them the
+pleasure of their everlasting friendship, occupied a very considerable
+time.
+
+Martin thought it rather stange, and in some sort inconsistent, that
+during the whole of these narrations, and in the very meridian of their
+enjoyment thereof, both Mr Norris the father, and Mr Norris Junior,
+the son (who corresponded, every post, with four members of the English
+Peerage), enlarged upon the inestimable advantage of having no such
+arbitrary distinctions in that enlightened land, where there were no
+noblemen but nature's noblemen, and where all society was based on one
+broad level of brotherly love and natural equality. Indeed, Mr Norris
+the father gradually expanding into an oration on this swelling theme,
+was becoming tedious, when Mr Bevan diverted his thoughts by happening
+to make some causal inquiry relative to the occupier of the next house;
+in reply to which, this same Mr Norris the father observed, that 'that
+person entertained religious opinions of which he couldn't approve; and
+therefore he hadn't the honour of knowing the gentleman.' Mrs Norris the
+mother added another reason of her own, the same in effect, but varying
+in words; to wit, that she believed the people were well enough in their
+way, but they were not genteel.
+
+Another little trait came out, which impressed itself on Martin
+forcibly. Mr Bevan told them about Mark and the negro, and then it
+appeared that all the Norrises were abolitionists. It was a great relief
+to hear this, and Martin was so much encouraged on finding himself in
+such company, that he expressed his sympathy with the oppressed and
+wretched blacks. Now, one of the young ladies--the prettiest and most
+delicate--was mightily amused at the earnestness with which he spoke;
+and on his craving leave to ask her why, was quite unable for a time to
+speak for laughing. As soon however as she could, she told him that
+the negroes were such a funny people, so excessively ludicrous in their
+manners and appearance, that it was wholly impossible for those who knew
+them well, to associate any serious ideas with such a very absurd part
+of the creation. Mr Norris the father, and Mrs Norris the mother, and
+Miss Norris the sister, and Mr Norris Junior the brother, and even Mrs
+Norris Senior the grandmother, were all of this opinion, and laid
+it down as an absolute matter of fact--as if there were nothing in
+suffering and slavery, grim enough to cast a solemn air on any human
+animal; though it were as ridiculous, physically, as the most
+grotesque of apes, or morally, as the mildest Nimrod among tuft-hunting
+republicans!
+
+'In short,' said Mr Norris the father, settling the question
+comfortably, 'there is a natural antipathy between the races.'
+
+'Extending,' said Martin's friend, in a low voice, 'to the cruellest of
+tortures, and the bargain and sale of unborn generations.'
+
+Mr Norris the son said nothing, but he made a wry face, and dusted his
+fingers as Hamlet might after getting rid of Yorick's skull; just as
+though he had that moment touched a negro, and some of the black had
+come off upon his hands.
+
+In order that their talk might fall again into its former pleasant
+channel, Martin dropped the subject, with a shrewd suspicion that it
+would be a dangerous theme to revive under the best of circumstances;
+and again addressed himself to the young ladies, who were very
+gorgeously attired in very beautiful colours, and had every article of
+dress on the same extensive scale as the little shoes and the thin silk
+stockings. This suggested to him that they were great proficients in the
+French fashions, which soon turned out to be the case, for though their
+information appeared to be none of the newest, it was very extensive;
+and the eldest sister in particular, who was distinguished by a talent
+for metaphysics, the laws of hydraulic pressure, and the rights of human
+kind, had a novel way of combining these acquirements and bringing them
+to bear on any subject from Millinery to the Millennium, both inclusive,
+which was at once improving and remarkable; so much so, in short, that
+it was usually observed to reduce foreigners to a state of temporary
+insanity in five minutes.
+
+Martin felt his reason going; and as a means of saving himself, besought
+the other sister (seeing a piano in the room) to sing. With this request
+she willingly complied; and a bravura concert, solely sustained by the
+Misses Noriss, presently began. They sang in all languages--except their
+own. German, French, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Swiss; but nothing
+native; nothing so low as native. For, in this respect, languages are
+like many other travellers--ordinary and commonplace enough at home, but
+'specially genteel abroad.
+
+There is little doubt that in course of time the Misses Norris would
+have come to Hebrew, if they had not been interrupted by an announcement
+from the Irishman, who, flinging open the door, cried in a loud voice--
+
+'Jiniral Fladdock!'
+
+'My!' cried the sisters, desisting suddenly. 'The general come back!'
+
+As they made the exclamation, the general, attired in full uniform for a
+ball, came darting in with such precipitancy that, hitching his boot
+in the carpet, and getting his sword between his legs, he came down
+headlong, and presented a curious little bald place on the crown of his
+head to the eyes of the astonished company. Nor was this the worst of
+it; for being rather corpulent and very tight, the general being down,
+could not get up again, but lay there writhing and doing such things with
+his boots, as there is no other instance of in military history.
+
+Of course there was an immediate rush to his assistance; and the general
+was promptly raised. But his uniform was so fearfully and wonderfully
+made, that he came up stiff and without a bend in him like a dead Clown,
+and had no command whatever of himself until he was put quite flat upon
+the soles of his feet, when he became animated as by a miracle, and
+moving edgewise that he might go in a narrower compass and be in less
+danger of fraying the gold lace on his epaulettes by brushing them
+against anything, advanced with a smiling visage to salute the lady of
+the house.
+
+To be sure, it would have been impossible for the family to testify
+purer delight and joy than at this unlooked-for appearance of General
+Fladdock! The general was as warmly received as if New York had been in
+a state of siege and no other general was to be got for love or money.
+He shook hands with the Norrises three times all round, and then
+reviewed them from a little distance as a brave commander might, with
+his ample cloak drawn forward over the right shoulder and thrown back
+upon the left side to reveal his manly breast.
+
+'And do I then,' cried the general, 'once again behold the choicest
+spirits of my country!'
+
+'Yes,' said Mr Norris the father. 'Here we are, general.'
+
+Then all the Norrises pressed round the general, inquiring how and where
+he had been since the date of his letter, and how he had enjoyed himself
+in foreign parts, and particularly and above all, to what extent he had
+become acquainted with the great dukes, lords, viscounts, marquesses,
+duchesses, knights, and baronets, in whom the people of those benighted
+countries had delight.
+
+'Well, then, don't ask me,' said the general, holding up his hand. 'I
+was among 'em all the time, and have got public journals in my trunk
+with my name printed'--he lowered his voice and was very impressive
+here--'among the fashionable news. But, oh, the conventionalities of
+that a-mazing Europe!'
+
+'Ah!' cried Mr Norris the father, giving his head a melancholy shake,
+and looking towards Martin as though he would say, 'I can't deny it,
+sir. I would if I could.'
+
+'The limited diffusion of a moral sense in that country!' exclaimed the
+general. 'The absence of a moral dignity in man!'
+
+'Ah!' sighed all the Norrises, quite overwhelmed with despondency.
+
+'I couldn't have realised it,' pursued the general, 'without being
+located on the spot. Norris, your imagination is the imagination of a
+strong man, but YOU couldn't have realised it, without being located on
+the spot!'
+
+'Never,' said Mr Norris.
+
+'The ex-clusiveness, the pride, the form, the ceremony,' exclaimed the
+general, emphasizing the article more vigorously at every repetition.
+'The artificial barriers set up between man and man; the division of the
+human race into court cards and plain cards, of every denomination--into
+clubs, diamonds, spades--anything but heart!'
+
+'Ah!' cried the whole family. 'Too true, general!'
+
+'But stay!' cried Mr Norris the father, taking him by the arm. 'Surely
+you crossed in the Screw, general?'
+
+'Well! so I did,' was the reply.
+
+'Possible!' cried the young ladies. 'Only think!'
+
+The general seemed at a loss to understand why his having come home
+in the Screw should occasion such a sensation, nor did he seem at all
+clearer on the subject when Mr Norris, introducing him to Martin, said:
+
+'A fellow-passenger of yours, I think?'
+
+'Of mine?' exclaimed the general; 'No!'
+
+He had never seen Martin, but Martin had seen him, and recognized him,
+now that they stood face to face, as the gentleman who had stuck his
+hands in his pockets towards the end of the voyage, and walked the deck
+with his nostrils dilated.
+
+Everybody looked at Martin. There was no help for it. The truth must
+out.
+
+'I came over in the same ship as the general,' said Martin, 'but not in
+the same cabin. It being necessary for me to observe strict economy, I
+took my passage in the steerage.'
+
+If the general had been carried up bodily to a loaded cannon, and
+required to let it off that moment, he could not have been in a state
+of greater consternation than when he heard these words. He,
+Fladdock--Fladdock in full militia uniform, Fladdock the General,
+Fladdock, the caressed of foreign noblemen--expected to know a fellow
+who had come over in the steerage of line-of-packet ship, at the cost
+of four pound ten! And meeting that fellow in the very sanctuary of New
+York fashion, and nestling in the bosom of the New York aristocracy! He
+almost laid his hand upon his sword.
+
+A death-like stillness fell upon the Norisses. If this story should get
+wind, their country relation had, by his imprudence, for ever disgraced
+them. They were the bright particular stars of an exalted New York
+sphere. There were other fashionable spheres above them, and other
+fashionable spheres below, and none of the stars in any one of these
+spheres had anything to say to the stars in any other of these spheres.
+But, through all the spheres it would go forth that the Norrises,
+deceived by gentlemanly manners and appearances, had, falling from their
+high estate, 'received' a dollarless and unknown man. O guardian eagle
+of the pure Republic, had they lived for this!
+
+'You will allow me,' said Martin, after a terrible silence, 'to take
+my leave. I feel that I am the cause of at least as much embarrassment
+here, as I have brought upon myself. But I am bound, before I go, to
+exonerate this gentleman, who, in introducing me to such society, was
+quite ignorant of my unworthiness, I assure you.'
+
+With that he made his bow to the Norrises, and walked out like a man of
+snow; very cool externally, but pretty hot within.
+
+'Come, come,' said Mr Norris the father, looking with a pale face on
+the assembled circle as Martin closed the door, 'the young man has this
+night beheld a refinement of social manner, and an easy magnificence of
+social decoration, to which he is a stranger in his own country. Let us
+hope it may awake a moral sense within him.'
+
+If that peculiarly transatlantic article, a moral sense--for, if native
+statesmen, orators, and pamphleteers, are to be believed, America quite
+monopolises the commodity--if that peculiarly transatlantic article be
+supposed to include a benevolent love of all mankind, certainly Martin's
+would have borne, just then, a deal of waking. As he strode along
+the street, with Mark at his heels, his immoral sense was in active
+operation; prompting him to the utterance of some rather sanguinary
+remarks, which it was well for his own credit that nobody overheard.
+He had so far cooled down, however, that he had begun to laugh at the
+recollection of these incidents, when he heard another step behind him,
+and turning round encountered his friend Bevan, quite out of breath.
+
+He drew his arm through Martin's, and entreating him to walk slowly, was
+silent for some minutes. At length he said:
+
+'I hope you exonerate me in another sense?'
+
+'How do you mean?' asked Martin.
+
+'I hope you acquit me of intending or foreseeing the termination of our
+visit. But I scarcely need ask you that.'
+
+'Scarcely indeed,' said Martin. 'I am the more beholden to you for your
+kindness, when I find what kind of stuff the good citizens here are made
+of.'
+
+'I reckon,' his friend returned, 'that they are made of pretty much the
+same stuff as other folks, if they would but own it, and not set up on
+false pretences.'
+
+'In good faith, that's true,' said Martin.
+
+'I dare say,' resumed his friend, 'you might have such a scene as that
+in an English comedy, and not detect any gross improbability or anomaly
+in the matter of it?'
+
+'Yes, indeed!'
+
+'Doubtless it is more ridiculous here than anywhere else,' said his
+companion; 'but our professions are to blame for that. So far as I
+myself am concerned, I may add that I was perfectly aware from the
+first that you came over in the steerage, for I had seen the list of
+passengers, and knew it did not comprise your name.'
+
+'I feel more obliged to you than before,' said Martin.
+
+'Norris is a very good fellow in his way,' observed Mr Bevan.
+
+'Is he?' said Martin drily.
+
+'Oh yes! there are a hundred good points about him. If you or anybody
+else addressed him as another order of being, and sued to him IN FORMA
+PAUPERIS, he would be all kindness and consideration.'
+
+'I needn't have travelled three thousand miles from home to find such a
+character as THAT,' said Martin. Neither he nor his friend said anything
+more on the way back; each appearing to find sufficient occupation in
+his own thoughts.
+
+The tea, or the supper, or whatever else they called the evening meal,
+was over when they reached the Major's; but the cloth, ornamented with
+a few additional smears and stains, was still upon the table. At one end
+of the board Mrs Jefferson Brick and two other ladies were drinking
+tea; out of the ordinary course, evidently, for they were bonneted
+and shawled, and seemed to have just come home. By the light of three
+flaring candles of different lengths, in as many candlesticks of
+different patterns, the room showed to almost as little advantage as in
+broad day.
+
+These ladies were all three talking together in a very loud tone when
+Martin and his friend entered; but seeing those gentlemen, they stopped
+directly, and became excessively genteel, not to say frosty. As they
+went on to exchange some few remarks in whispers, the very water in the
+teapot might have fallen twenty degrees in temperature beneath their
+chilling coldness.
+
+'Have you been to meeting, Mrs Brick?' asked Martin's friend, with
+something of a roguish twinkle in his eye.
+
+'To lecture, sir.'
+
+'I beg your pardon. I forgot. You don't go to meeting, I think?'
+
+Here the lady on the right of Mrs Brick gave a pious cough as much as to
+say 'I do!'--as, indeed, she did nearly every night in the week.
+
+'A good discourse, ma'am?' asked Mr Bevan, addressing this lady.
+
+The lady raised her eyes in a pious manner, and answered 'Yes.' She
+had been much comforted by some good, strong, peppery doctrine, which
+satisfactorily disposed of all her friends and acquaintances, and quite
+settled their business. Her bonnet, too, had far outshone every bonnet
+in the congregation; so she was tranquil on all accounts.
+
+'What course of lectures are you attending now, ma'am?' said Martin's
+friend, turning again to Mrs Brick.
+
+'The Philosophy of the Soul, on Wednesdays.'
+
+'On Mondays?'
+
+'The Philosophy of Crime.'
+
+'On Fridays?'
+
+'The Philosophy of Vegetables.'
+
+'You have forgotten Thursdays; the Philosophy of Government, my dear,'
+observed the third lady.
+
+'No,' said Mrs Brick. 'That's Tuesdays.'
+
+'So it is!' cried the lady. 'The Philosophy of Matter on Thursdays, of
+course.'
+
+'You see, Mr Chuzzlewit, our ladies are fully employed,' said Bevan.
+
+'Indeed you have reason to say so,' answered Martin. 'Between these very
+grave pursuits abroad, and family duties at home, their time must be
+pretty well engrossed.'
+
+Martin stopped here, for he saw that the ladies regarded him with no
+very great favour, though what he had done to deserve the disdainful
+expression which appeared in their faces he was at a loss to divine. But
+on their going upstairs to their bedrooms--which they very soon did--Mr
+Bevan informed him that domestic drudgery was far beneath the exalted
+range of these Philosophers, and that the chances were a hundred to one
+that not one of the three could perform the easiest woman's work for
+herself, or make the simplest article of dress for any of her children.
+
+'Though whether they might not be better employed with such blunt
+instruments as knitting-needles than with these edge-tools,' he said,
+'is another question; but I can answer for one thing--they don't often
+cut themselves. Devotions and lectures are our balls and concerts. They
+go to these places of resort, as an escape from monotony; look at each
+other's clothes; and come home again.'
+
+'When you say "home," do you mean a house like this?'
+
+'Very often. But I see you are tired to death, and will wish you good
+night. We will discuss your projects in the morning. You cannot but
+feel already that it is useless staying here, with any hope of advancing
+them. You will have to go further.'
+
+'And to fare worse?' said Martin, pursuing the old adage.
+
+'Well, I hope not. But sufficient for the day, you know--good night'
+
+They shook hands heartily and separated. As soon as Martin was left
+alone, the excitement of novelty and change which had sustained him
+through all the fatigues of the day, departed; and he felt so thoroughly
+dejected and worn out, that he even lacked the energy to crawl upstairs
+to bed.
+
+In twelve or fifteen hours, how great a change had fallen on his hopes
+and sanguine plans! New and strange as he was to the ground on which he
+stood, and to the air he breathed, he could not--recalling all that he
+had crowded into that one day--but entertain a strong misgiving that his
+enterprise was doomed. Rash and ill-considered as it had often looked on
+shipboard, but had never seemed on shore, it wore a dismal aspect, now,
+that frightened him. Whatever thoughts he called up to his aid, they
+came upon him in depressing and discouraging shapes, and gave him no
+relief. Even the diamonds on his finger sparkled with the brightness of
+tears, and had no ray of hope in all their brilliant lustre.
+
+He continued to sit in gloomy rumination by the stove, unmindful of
+the boarders who dropped in one by one from their stores and
+counting-houses, or the neighbouring bar-rooms, and, after taking long
+pulls from a great white waterjug upon the sideboard, and lingering with
+a kind of hideous fascination near the brass spittoons, lounged heavily
+to bed; until at length Mark Tapley came and shook him by the arm,
+supposing him asleep.
+
+'Mark!' he cried, starting.
+
+'All right, sir,' said that cheerful follower, snuffing with his fingers
+the candle he bore. 'It ain't a very large bed, your'n, sir; and a man
+as wasn't thirsty might drink, afore breakfast, all the water you've
+got to wash in, and afterwards eat the towel. But you'll sleep without
+rocking to-night, sir.'
+
+'I feel as if the house were on the sea' said Martin, staggering when he
+rose; 'and am utterly wretched.'
+
+'I'm as jolly as a sandboy, myself, sir,' said Mark. 'But, Lord, I have
+reason to be! I ought to have been born here; that's my opinion. Take
+care how you go'--for they were now ascending the stairs. 'You recollect
+the gentleman aboard the Screw as had the very small trunk, sir?'
+
+'The valise? Yes.'
+
+'Well, sir, there's been a delivery of clean clothes from the wash
+to-night, and they're put outside the bedroom doors here. If you take
+notice as we go up, what a very few shirts there are, and what a many
+fronts, you'll penetrate the mystery of his packing.'
+
+But Martin was too weary and despondent to take heed of anything, so
+had no interest in this discovery. Mr Tapley, nothing dashed by his
+indifference, conducted him to the top of the house, and into the
+bed-chamber prepared for his reception; which was a very little narrow
+room, with half a window in it; a bedstead like a chest without a lid;
+two chairs; a piece of carpet, such as shoes are commonly tried upon
+at a ready-made establishment in England; a little looking-glass nailed
+against the wall; and a washing-table, with a jug and ewer, that might
+have been mistaken for a milk-pot and slop-basin.
+
+'I suppose they polish themselves with a dry cloth in this country,'
+said Mark. 'They've certainly got a touch of the 'phoby, sir.'
+
+'I wish you would pull off my boots for me,' said Martin, dropping into
+one of the chairs 'I am quite knocked up--dead beat, Mark.'
+
+'You won't say that to-morrow morning, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; 'nor
+even to-night, sir, when you've made a trial of this.' With which he
+produced a very large tumbler, piled up to the brim with little blocks
+of clear transparent ice, through which one or two thin slices of lemon,
+and a golden liquid of delicious appearance, appealed from the still
+depths below, to the loving eye of the spectator.
+
+'What do you call this?' said Martin.
+
+But Mr Tapley made no answer; merely plunging a reed into the
+mixture--which caused a pleasant commotion among the pieces of ice--and
+signifying by an expressive gesture that it was to be pumped up through
+that agency by the enraptured drinker.
+
+Martin took the glass with an astonished look; applied his lips to the
+reed; and cast up his eyes once in ecstasy. He paused no more until the
+goblet was drained to the last drop.
+
+'There, sir!' said Mark, taking it from him with a triumphant face; 'if
+ever you should happen to be dead beat again, when I ain't in the
+way, all you've got to do is to ask the nearest man to go and fetch a
+cobbler.'
+
+'To go and fetch a cobbler?' repeated Martin.
+
+'This wonderful invention, sir,' said Mark, tenderly patting the empty
+glass, 'is called a cobbler. Sherry cobbler when you name it long;
+cobbler, when you name it short. Now you're equal to having your boots
+took off, and are, in every particular worth mentioning, another man.'
+
+Having delivered himself of this solemn preface, he brought the
+bootjack.
+
+'Mind! I am not going to relapse, Mark,' said Martin; 'but, good Heaven,
+if we should be left in some wild part of this country without goods or
+money!'
+
+'Well, sir!' replied the imperturbable Tapley; 'from what we've seen
+already, I don't know whether, under those circumstances, we shouldn't
+do better in the wild parts than in the tame ones.'
+
+'Oh, Tom Pinch, Tom Pinch!' said Martin, in a thoughtful tone; 'what
+would I give to be again beside you, and able to hear your voice, though
+it were even in the old bedroom at Pecksniff's!'
+
+'Oh, Dragon, Dragon!' echoed Mark, cheerfully, 'if there warn't any
+water between you and me, and nothing faint-hearted-like in going back,
+I don't know that I mightn't say the same. But here am I, Dragon, in
+New York, America; and there are you in Wiltshire, Europe; and there's a
+fortune to make, Dragon, and a beautiful young lady to make it for; and
+whenever you go to see the Monument, Dragon, you mustn't give in on the
+doorsteps, or you'll never get up to the top!'
+
+'Wisely said, Mark,' cried Martin. 'We must look forward.'
+
+'In all the story-books as ever I read, sir, the people as looked
+backward was turned into stones,' replied Mark; 'and my opinion always
+was, that they brought it on themselves, and it served 'em right. I wish
+you good night, sir, and pleasant dreams!'
+
+'They must be of home, then,' said Martin, as he lay down in bed.
+
+'So I say, too,' whispered Mark Tapley, when he was out of hearing and
+in his own room; 'for if there don't come a time afore we're well out of
+this, when there'll be a little more credit in keeping up one's jollity,
+I'm a United Statesman!'
+
+Leaving them to blend and mingle in their sleep the shadows of objects
+afar off, as they take fantastic shapes upon the wall in the dim light
+of thought without control, be it the part of this slight chronicle--a
+dream within a dream--as rapidly to change the scene, and cross the
+ocean to the English shore.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
+
+DOES BUSINESS WITH THE HOUSE OF ANTHONY CHUZZLEWIT AND SON, FROM WHICH
+ONE OF THE PARTNERS RETIRES UNEXPECTEDLY
+
+
+Change begets change. Nothing propagates so fast. If a man habituated to
+a narrow circle of cares and pleasures, out of which he seldom travels,
+step beyond it, though for never so brief a space, his departure from
+the monotonous scene on which he has been an actor of importance, would
+seem to be the signal for instant confusion. As if, in the gap he had
+left, the wedge of change were driven to the head, rending what was a
+solid mass to fragments, things cemented and held together by the usages
+of years, burst asunder in as many weeks. The mine which Time has slowly
+dug beneath familiar objects is sprung in an instant; and what was rock
+before, becomes but sand and dust.
+
+Most men, at one time or other, have proved this in some degree. The
+extent to which the natural laws of change asserted their supremacy
+in that limited sphere of action which Martin had deserted, shall be
+faithfully set down in these pages.
+
+'What a cold spring it is!' whimpered old Anthony, drawing near the
+evening fire, 'It was a warmer season, sure, when I was young!'
+
+'You needn't go scorching your clothes into holes, whether it was or
+not,' observed the amiable Jonas, raising his eyes from yesterday's
+newspaper, 'Broadcloth ain't so cheap as that comes to.'
+
+'A good lad!' cried the father, breathing on his cold hands, and feebly
+chafing them against each other. 'A prudent lad! He never delivered
+himself up to the vanities of dress. No, no!'
+
+'I don't know but I would, though, mind you, if I could do it for
+nothing,' said his son, as he resumed the paper.
+
+'Ah!' chuckled the old man. 'IF, indeed!--But it's very cold.'
+
+'Let the fire be!' cried Mr Jonas, stopping his honoured parent's hand
+in the use of the poker. 'Do you mean to come to want in your old age,
+that you take to wasting now?'
+
+'There's not time for that, Jonas,' said the old man.
+
+'Not time for what?' bawled his heir.
+
+'For me to come to want. I wish there was!'
+
+'You always were as selfish an old blade as need be,' said Jonas in a
+voice too low for him to hear, and looking at him with an angry frown.
+'You act up to your character. You wouldn't mind coming to want,
+wouldn't you! I dare say you wouldn't. And your own flesh and blood
+might come to want too, might they, for anything you cared? Oh you
+precious old flint!'
+
+After this dutiful address he took his tea-cup in his hand--for that
+meal was in progress, and the father and son and Chuffey were partakers
+of it. Then, looking steadfastly at his father, and stopping now and
+then to carry a spoonful of tea to his lips, he proceeded in the same
+tone, thus:
+
+'Want, indeed! You're a nice old man to be talking of want at this time
+of day. Beginning to talk of want, are you? Well, I declare! There isn't
+time? No, I should hope not. But you'd live to be a couple of hundred if
+you could; and after all be discontented. I know you!'
+
+The old man sighed, and still sat cowering before the fire. Mr Jonas
+shook his Britannia-metal teaspoon at him, and taking a loftier
+position, went on to argue the point on high moral grounds.
+
+'If you're in such a state of mind as that,' he grumbled, but in the
+same subdued key, 'why don't you make over your property? Buy an annuity
+cheap, and make your life interesting to yourself and everybody else
+that watches the speculation. But no, that wouldn't suit YOU. That would
+be natural conduct to your own son, and you like to be unnatural, and to
+keep him out of his rights. Why, I should be ashamed of myself if I was
+you, and glad to hide my head in the what you may call it.'
+
+Possibly this general phrase supplied the place of grave, or tomb,
+or sepulchre, or cemetery, or mausoleum, or other such word which the
+filial tenderness of Mr Jonas made him delicate of pronouncing. He
+pursued the theme no further; for Chuffey, somehow discovering, from
+his old corner by the fireside, that Anthony was in the attitude of a
+listener, and that Jonas appeared to be speaking, suddenly cried out,
+like one inspired:
+
+'He is your own son, Mr Chuzzlewit. Your own son, sir!'
+
+Old Chuffey little suspected what depth of application these words had,
+or that, in the bitter satire which they bore, they might have sunk into
+the old man's very soul, could he have known what words here hanging on
+his own son's lips, or what was passing in his thoughts. But the voice
+diverted the current of Anthony's reflections, and roused him.
+
+'Yes, yes, Chuffey, Jonas is a chip of the old block. It is a very
+old block, now, Chuffey,' said the old man, with a strange look of
+discomposure.
+
+'Precious old,' assented Jonas
+
+'No, no, no,' said Chuffey. 'No, Mr Chuzzlewit. Not old at all, sir.'
+
+'Oh! He's worse than ever, you know!' cried Jonas, quite disgusted.
+'Upon my soul, father, he's getting too bad. Hold your tongue, will
+you?'
+
+'He says you're wrong!' cried Anthony to the old clerk.
+
+'Tut, tut!' was Chuffey's answer. 'I know better. I say HE'S wrong.
+I say HE'S wrong. He's a boy. That's what he is. So are you, Mr
+Chuzzlewit--a kind of boy. Ha! ha! ha! You're quite a boy to many I have
+known; you're a boy to me; you're a boy to hundreds of us. Don't mind
+him!'
+
+With which extraordinary speech--for in the case of Chuffey this was a
+burst of eloquence without a parallel--the poor old shadow drew through
+his palsied arm his master's hand, and held it there, with his own
+folded upon it, as if he would defend him.
+
+'I grow deafer every day, Chuff,' said Anthony, with as much softness of
+manner, or, to describe it more correctly, with as little hardness as he
+was capable of expressing.
+
+'No, no,' cried Chuffey. 'No, you don't. What if you did? I've been deaf
+this twenty year.'
+
+'I grow blinder, too,' said the old man, shaking his head.
+
+'That's a good sign!' cried Chuffey. 'Ha! ha! The best sign in the
+world! You saw too well before.'
+
+He patted Anthony upon the hand as one might comfort a child, and
+drawing the old man's arm still further through his own, shook his
+trembling fingers towards the spot where Jonas sat, as though he would
+wave him off. But, Anthony remaining quite still and silent, he relaxed
+his hold by slow degrees and lapsed into his usual niche in the corner;
+merely putting forth his hand at intervals and touching his old employer
+gently on the coat, as with the design of assuring himself that he was
+yet beside him.
+
+Mr Jonas was so very much amazed by these proceedings that he could do
+nothing but stare at the two old men, until Chuffey had fallen into his
+usual state, and Anthony had sunk into a doze; when he gave some vent
+to his emotions by going close up to the former personage, and making as
+though he would, in vulgar parlance, 'punch his head.'
+
+'They've been carrying on this game,' thought Jonas in a brown study,
+'for the last two or three weeks. I never saw my father take so much
+notice of him as he has in that time. What! You're legacy hunting, are
+you, Mister Chuff? Eh?'
+
+But Chuffey was as little conscious of the thought as of the bodily
+advance of Mr Jonas's clenched fist, which hovered fondly about his ear.
+When he had scowled at him to his heart's content, Jonas took the candle
+from the table, and walking into the glass office, produced a bunch of
+keys from his pocket. With one of these he opened a secret drawer in the
+desk; peeping stealthily out, as he did so, to be certain that the two
+old men were still before the fire.
+
+'All as right as ever,' said Jonas, propping the lid of the desk open
+with his forehead, and unfolding a paper. 'Here's the will, Mister
+Chuff. Thirty pound a year for your maintenance, old boy, and all the
+rest to his only son, Jonas. You needn't trouble yourself to be too
+affectionate. You won't get anything by it. What's that?'
+
+It WAS startling, certainly. A face on the other side of the glass
+partition looking curiously in; and not at him but at the paper in his
+hand. For the eyes were attentively cast down upon the writing, and were
+swiftly raised when he cried out. Then they met his own, and were as the
+eyes of Mr Pecksniff.
+
+Suffering the lid of the desk to fall with a loud noise, but not
+forgetting even then to lock it, Jonas, pale and breathless, gazed upon
+this phantom. It moved, opened the door, and walked in.
+
+'What's the matter?' cried Jonas, falling back. 'Who is it? Where do you
+come from? What do you want?'
+
+'Matter!' cried the voice of Mr Pecksniff, as Pecksniff in the flesh
+smiled amiably upon him. 'The matter, Mr Jonas!'
+
+'What are you prying and peering about here for?' said Jonas, angrily.
+'What do you mean by coming up to town in this way, and taking one
+unawares? It's precious odd a man can't read the--the newspaper--in his
+own office without being startled out of his wits by people coming in
+without notice. Why didn't you knock at the door?'
+
+'So I did, Mr Jonas,' answered Pecksniff, 'but no one heard me. I was
+curious,' he added in his gentle way as he laid his hand upon the young
+man's shoulder, 'to find out what part of the newspaper interested you
+so much; but the glass was too dim and dirty.'
+
+Jonas glanced in haste at the partition. Well. It wasn't very clean. So
+far he spoke the truth.
+
+'Was it poetry now?' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking the forefinger of his
+right hand with an air of cheerful banter. 'Or was it politics? Or was
+it the price of stock? The main chance, Mr Jonas, the main chance, I
+suspect.'
+
+'You ain't far from the truth,' answered Jonas, recovering himself and
+snuffing the candle; 'but how the deuce do you come to be in London
+again? Ecod! it's enough to make a man stare, to see a fellow looking at
+him all of a sudden, who he thought was sixty or seventy mile away.'
+
+'So it is,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'No doubt of it, my dear Mr Jonas. For
+while the human mind is constituted as it is--'
+
+'Oh, bother the human mind,' interrupted Jonas with impatience 'what
+have you come up for?'
+
+'A little matter of business,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'which has arisen
+quite unexpectedly.'
+
+'Oh!' cried Jonas, 'is that all? Well. Here's father in the next room.
+Hallo father, here's Pecksniff! He gets more addle-pated every day
+he lives, I do believe,' muttered Jonas, shaking his honoured parent
+roundly. 'Don't I tell you Pecksniff's here, stupid-head?'
+
+The combined effects of the shaking and this loving remonstrance soon
+awoke the old man, who gave Mr Pecksniff a chuckling welcome which was
+attributable in part to his being glad to see that gentleman, and in
+part to his unfading delight in the recollection of having called him a
+hypocrite. As Mr Pecksniff had not yet taken tea (indeed he had, but an
+hour before, arrived in London) the remains of the late collation, with
+a rasher of bacon, were served up for his entertainment; and as Mr Jonas
+had a business appointment in the next street, he stepped out to keep
+it; promising to return before Mr Pecksniff could finish his repast.
+
+'And now, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff to Anthony; 'now that we
+are alone, pray tell me what I can do for you. I say alone, because I
+believe that our dear friend Mr Chuffey is, metaphysically speaking,
+a--shall I say a dummy?' asked Mr Pecksniff with his sweetest smile, and
+his head very much on one side.
+
+'He neither hears us,' replied Anthony, 'nor sees us.'
+
+'Why, then,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I will be bold to say, with the utmost
+sympathy for his afflictions, and the greatest admiration of those
+excellent qualities which do equal honour to his head and to his heart,
+that he is what is playfully termed a dummy. You were going to observe,
+my dear sir--?'
+
+'I was not going to make any observation that I know of,' replied the
+old man.
+
+'I was,' said Mr Pecksniff, mildly.
+
+'Oh! YOU were? What was it?'
+
+'That I never,' said Mr Pecksniff, previously rising to see that the
+door was shut, and arranging his chair when he came back, so that it
+could not be opened in the least without his immediately becoming aware
+of the circumstance; 'that I never in my life was so astonished as by
+the receipt of your letter yesterday. That you should do me the honour
+to wish to take counsel with me on any matter, amazed me; but that you
+should desire to do so, to the exclusion even of Mr Jonas, showed an
+amount of confidence in one to whom you had done a verbal injury--merely
+a verbal injury, you were anxious to repair--which gratified, which
+moved, which overcame me.'
+
+He was always a glib speaker, but he delivered this short address very
+glibly; having been at some pains to compose it outside the coach.
+
+Although he paused for a reply, and truly said that he was there at
+Anthony's request, the old man sat gazing at him in profound silence and
+with a perfectly blank face. Nor did he seem to have the least desire or
+impulse to pursue the conversation, though Mr Pecksniff looked towards
+the door, and pulled out his watch, and gave him many other hints that
+their time was short, and Jonas, if he kept his word, would soon return.
+But the strangest incident in all this strange behaviour was, that of a
+sudden, in a moment, so swiftly that it was impossible to trace how,
+or to observe any process of change, his features fell into their old
+expression, and he cried, striking his hand passionately upon the table
+as if no interval at all had taken place:
+
+'Will you hold your tongue, sir, and let me speak?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff deferred to him with a submissive bow; and said within
+himself, 'I knew his hand was changed, and that his writing staggered. I
+said so yesterday. Ahem! Dear me!'
+
+'Jonas is sweet upon your daughter, Pecksniff,' said the old man, in his
+usual tone.
+
+'We spoke of that, if you remember, sir, at Mrs Todgers's,' replied the
+courteous architect.
+
+'You needn't speak so loud,' retorted Anthony. 'I'm not so deaf as
+that.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had certainly raised his voice pretty high; not so much
+because he thought Anthony was deaf, as because he felt convinced that
+his perceptive faculties were waxing dim; but this quick resentment of
+his considerate behaviour greatly disconcerted him, and, not knowing
+what tack to shape his course upon, he made another inclination of the
+head, yet more submissive that the last.
+
+'I have said,' repeated the old man, 'that Jonas is sweet upon your
+daughter.'
+
+'A charming girl, sir,' murmured Mr Pecksniff, seeing that he waited
+for an answer. 'A dear girl, Mr Chuzzlewit, though I say it, who should
+not.'
+
+'You know better,' cried the old man, advancing his weazen face at least
+a yard, and starting forward in his chair to do it. 'You lie! What, you
+WILL be a hypocrite, will you?'
+
+'My good sir,' Mr Pecksniff began.
+
+'Don't call me a good sir,' retorted Anthony, 'and don't claim to be
+one yourself. If your daughter was what you would have me believe, she
+wouldn't do for Jonas. Being what she is, I think she will. He might be
+deceived in a wife. She might run riot, contract debts, and waste his
+substance. Now when I am dead--'
+
+His face altered so horribly as he said the word, that Mr Pecksniff
+really was fain to look another way.
+
+'--It will be worse for me to know of such doings, than if I was alive;
+for to be tormented for getting that together, which even while I suffer
+for its acquisition, is flung into the very kennels of the streets,
+would be insupportable torture. No,' said the old man, hoarsely, 'let
+that be saved at least; let there be something gained, and kept fast
+hold of, when so much is lost.'
+
+'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff, 'these are unwholesome fancies;
+quite unnecessary, sir, quite uncalled for, I am sure. The truth is, my
+dear sir, that you are not well!'
+
+'Not dying though!' cried Anthony, with something like the snarl of a
+wild animal. 'Not yet! There are years of life in me. Why, look at him,'
+pointing to his feeble clerk. 'Death has no right to leave him standing,
+and to mow me down!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff was so much afraid of the old man, and so completely taken
+aback by the state in which he found him, that he had not even presence
+of mind enough to call up a scrap of morality from the great storehouse
+within his own breast. Therefore he stammered out that no doubt it was,
+in fairness and decency, Mr Chuffey's turn to expire; and that from
+all he had heard of Mr Chuffey, and the little he had the pleasure of
+knowing of that gentleman, personally, he felt convinced in his own
+mind that he would see the propriety of expiring with as little delay as
+possible.
+
+'Come here!' said the old man, beckoning him to draw nearer. 'Jonas
+will be my heir, Jonas will be rich, and a great catch for you. You know
+that. Jonas is sweet upon your daughter.'
+
+'I know that too,' thought Mr Pecksniff, 'for you have said it often
+enough.'
+
+'He might get more money than with her,' said the old man, 'but she
+will help him to take care of what they have. She is not too young or
+heedless, and comes of a good hard griping stock. But don't you play
+too fine a game. She only holds him by a thread; and if you draw it too
+tight (I know his temper) it'll snap. Bind him when he's in the mood,
+Pecksniff; bind him. You're too deep. In your way of leading him on,
+you'll leave him miles behind. Bah, you man of oil, have I no eyes to
+see how you have angled with him from the first?'
+
+'Now I wonder,' thought Mr Pecksniff, looking at him with a wistful
+face, 'whether this is all he has to say?'
+
+Old Anthony rubbed his hands and muttered to himself; complained again
+that he was cold; drew his chair before the fire; and, sitting with his
+back to Mr Pecksniff, and his chin sunk down upon his breast, was, in
+another minute, quite regardless or forgetful of his presence.
+
+Uncouth and unsatisfactory as this short interview had been, it had
+furnished Mr Pecksniff with a hint which, supposing nothing further
+were imparted to him, repaid the journey up and home again. For the good
+gentleman had never (for want of an opportunity) dived into the depths
+of Mr Jonas's nature; and any recipe for catching such a son-in-law
+(much more one written on a leaf out of his own father's book) was worth
+the having. In order that he might lose no chance of improving so fair
+an opportunity by allowing Anthony to fall asleep before he had finished
+all he had to say, Mr Pecksniff, in the disposal of the refreshments on
+the table, a work to which he now applied himself in earnest, resorted
+to many ingenious contrivances for attracting his attention; such as
+coughing, sneezing, clattering the teacups, sharpening the knives,
+dropping the loaf, and so forth. But all in vain, for Mr Jonas returned,
+and Anthony had said no more.
+
+'What! My father asleep again?' he cried, as he hung up his hat, and
+cast a look at him. 'Ah! and snoring. Only hear!'
+
+'He snores very deep,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Snores deep?' repeated Jonas. 'Yes; let him alone for that. He'll snore
+for six, at any time.'
+
+'Do you know, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff, 'that I think your father
+is--don't let me alarm you--breaking?'
+
+'Oh, is he though?' replied Jonas, with a shake of the head which
+expressed the closeness of his dutiful observation. 'Ecod, you don't
+know how tough he is. He ain't upon the move yet.'
+
+'It struck me that he was changed, both in his appearance and manner,'
+said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'That's all you know about it,' returned Jonas, seating himself with a
+melancholy air. 'He never was better than he is now. How are they all at
+home? How's Charity?'
+
+'Blooming, Mr Jonas, blooming.'
+
+'And the other one; how's she?'
+
+'Volatile trifler!' said Mr Pecksniff, fondly musing. 'She is well, she
+is well. Roving from parlour to bedroom, Mr Jonas, like a bee, skimming
+from post to pillar, like the butterfly; dipping her young beak into our
+currant wine, like the humming-bird! Ah! were she a little less giddy
+than she is; and had she but the sterling qualities of Cherry, my young
+friend!'
+
+'Is she so very giddy, then?' asked Jonas.
+
+'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, with great feeling; 'let me not be hard
+upon my child. Beside her sister Cherry she appears so. A strange noise
+that, Mr Jonas!'
+
+'Something wrong in the clock, I suppose,' said Jonas, glancing towards
+it. 'So the other one ain't your favourite, ain't she?'
+
+The fond father was about to reply, and had already summoned into his
+face a look of most intense sensibility, when the sound he had already
+noticed was repeated.
+
+'Upon my word, Mr Jonas, that is a very extraordinary clock,' said
+Pecksniff.
+
+It would have been, if it had made the noise which startled them; but
+another kind of time-piece was fast running down, and from that the
+sound proceeded. A scream from Chuffey, rendered a hundred times more
+loud and formidable by his silent habits, made the house ring from roof
+to cellar; and, looking round, they saw Anthony Chuzzlewit extended on
+the floor, with the old clerk upon his knees beside him.
+
+He had fallen from his chair in a fit, and lay there, battling for each
+gasp of breath, with every shrivelled vein and sinew starting in its
+place, as if it were bent on bearing witness to his age, and sternly
+pleading with Nature against his recovery. It was frightful to see how
+the principle of life, shut up within his withered frame, fought like a
+strong devil, mad to be released, and rent its ancient prison-house.
+A young man in the fullness of his vigour, struggling with so much
+strength of desperation, would have been a dismal sight; but an old,
+old, shrunken body, endowed with preternatural might, and giving the lie
+in every motion of its every limb and joint to its enfeebled aspect, was
+a hideous spectacle indeed.
+
+They raised him up, and fetched a surgeon with all haste, who bled the
+patient and applied some remedies; but the fits held him so long that
+it was past midnight when they got him--quiet now, but quite unconscious
+and exhausted--into bed.
+
+'Don't go,' said Jonas, putting his ashy lips to Mr Pecksniff's ear and
+whispered across the bed. 'It was a mercy you were present when he was
+taken ill. Some one might have said it was my doing.'
+
+'YOUR doing!' cried Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'I don't know but they might,' he replied, wiping the moisture from his
+white face. 'People say such things. How does he look now?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff shook his head.
+
+'I used to joke, you know,' said. Jonas: 'but I--I never wished him
+dead. Do you think he's very bad?'
+
+'The doctor said he was. You heard,' was Mr Pecksniff's answer.
+
+'Ah! but he might say that to charge us more, in case of his getting
+well' said Jonas. 'You mustn't go away, Pecksniff. Now it's come to
+this, I wouldn't be without a witness for a thousand pound.'
+
+Chuffey said not a word, and heard not a word. He had sat himself down
+in a chair at the bedside, and there he remained, motionless; except
+that he sometimes bent his head over the pillow, and seemed to listen.
+He never changed in this. Though once in the dreary night Mr Pecksniff,
+having dozed, awoke with a confused impression that he had heard
+him praying, and strangely mingling figures--not of speech, but
+arithmetic--with his broken prayers.
+
+Jonas sat there, too, all night; not where his father could have seen
+him, had his consciousness returned, but hiding, as it were, behind him,
+and only reading how he looked, in Mr Pecksniff's eyes. HE, the coarse
+upstart, who had ruled the house so long--that craven cur, who was
+afraid to move, and shook so, that his very shadow fluttered on the
+wall!
+
+It was broad, bright, stirring day when, leaving the old clerk to watch
+him, they went down to breakfast. People hurried up and down the street;
+windows and doors were opened; thieves and beggars took their usual
+posts; workmen bestirred themselves; tradesmen set forth their shops;
+bailiffs and constables were on the watch; all kinds of human creatures
+strove, in their several ways, as hard to live, as the one sick old
+man who combated for every grain of sand in his fast-emptying glass, as
+eagerly as if it were an empire.
+
+'If anything happens Pecksniff,' said Jonas, 'you must promise me to
+stop here till it's all over. You shall see that I do what's right.'
+
+'I know that you will do what's right, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff.
+
+'Yes, yes, but I won't be doubted. No one shall have it in his power to
+say a syllable against me,' he returned. 'I know how people will talk.
+Just as if he wasn't old, or I had the secret of keeping him alive!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff promised that he would remain, if circumstances should
+render it, in his esteemed friend's opinion, desirable; they were
+finishing their meal in silence, when suddenly an apparition stood
+before them, so ghastly to the view that Jonas shrieked aloud, and both
+recoiled in horror.
+
+Old Anthony, dressed in his usual clothes, was in the room--beside the
+table. He leaned upon the shoulder of his solitary friend; and on his
+livid face, and on his horny hands, and in his glassy eyes, and traced
+by an eternal finger in the very drops of sweat upon his brow, was one
+word--Death.
+
+He spoke to them--in something of his own voice too, but sharpened and
+made hollow, like a dead man's face. What he would have said, God knows.
+He seemed to utter words, but they were such as man had never heard.
+And this was the most fearful circumstance of all, to see him standing
+there, gabbling in an unearthly tongue.
+
+'He's better now,' said Chuffey. 'Better now. Let him sit in his old
+chair, and he'll be well again. I told him not to mind. I said so,
+yesterday.'
+
+They put him in his easy-chair, and wheeled it near the window; then,
+swinging open the door, exposed him to the free current of morning air.
+But not all the air that is, nor all the winds that ever blew 'twixt
+Heaven and Earth, could have brought new life to him.
+
+Plunge him to the throat in golden pieces now, and his heavy fingers
+shall not close on one!
+
+
+
+CHAPTER NINETEEN
+
+THE READER IS BROUGHT INTO COMMUNICATION WITH SOME PROFESSIONAL PERSONS,
+AND SHEDS A TEAR OVER THE FILIAL PIETY OF GOOD MR JONAS
+
+
+Mr Pecksniff was in a hackney cabriolet, for Jonas Chuzzlewit had said
+'Spare no expense.' Mankind is evil in its thoughts and in its base
+constructions, and Jonas was resolved it should not have an inch to
+stretch into an ell against him. It never should be charged upon his
+father's son that he had grudged the money for his father's funeral.
+Hence, until the obsequies should be concluded, Jonas had taken for his
+motto 'Spend, and spare not!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had been to the undertaker, and was now upon his way to
+another officer in the train of mourning--a female functionary, a nurse,
+and watcher, and performer of nameless offices about the persons of the
+dead--whom he had recommended. Her name, as Mr Pecksniff gathered from
+a scrap of writing in his hand, was Gamp; her residence in Kingsgate
+Street, High Holborn. So Mr Pecksniff, in a hackney cab, was rattling
+over Holborn stones, in quest of Mrs Gamp.
+
+This lady lodged at a bird-fancier's, next door but one to the
+celebrated mutton-pie shop, and directly opposite to the original
+cat's-meat warehouse; the renown of which establishments was duly
+heralded on their respective fronts. It was a little house, and this was
+the more convenient; for Mrs Gamp being, in her highest walk of art,
+a monthly nurse, or, as her sign-board boldly had it, 'Midwife,' and
+lodging in the first-floor front, was easily assailable at night by
+pebbles, walking-sticks, and fragments of tobacco-pipe; all much more
+efficacious than the street-door knocker, which was so constructed as
+to wake the street with ease, and even spread alarms of fire in Holborn,
+without making the smallest impression on the premises to which it was
+addressed.
+
+It chanced on this particular occasion, that Mrs Gamp had been up all
+the previous night, in attendance upon a ceremony to which the usage of
+gossips has given that name which expresses, in two syllables, the curse
+pronounced on Adam. It chanced that Mrs Gamp had not been regularly
+engaged, but had been called in at a crisis, in consequence of her great
+repute, to assist another professional lady with her advice; and thus it
+happened that, all points of interest in the case being over, Mrs Gamp
+had come home again to the bird-fancier's and gone to bed. So when Mr
+Pecksniff drove up in the hackney cab, Mrs Gamp's curtains were drawn
+close, and Mrs Gamp was fast asleep behind them.
+
+If the bird-fancier had been at home, as he ought to have been, there
+would have been no great harm in this; but he was out, and his shop was
+closed. The shutters were down certainly; and in every pane of glass
+there was at least one tiny bird in a tiny bird-cage, twittering and
+hopping his little ballet of despair, and knocking his head against the
+roof; while one unhappy goldfinch who lived outside a red villa with
+his name on the door, drew the water for his own drinking, and mutely
+appealed to some good man to drop a farthing's-worth of poison in it.
+Still, the door was shut. Mr Pecksniff tried the latch, and shook it,
+causing a cracked bell inside to ring most mournfully; but no one came.
+The bird-fancier was an easy shaver also, and a fashionable hair-dresser
+also, and perhaps he had been sent for, express, from the court end of
+the town, to trim a lord, or cut and curl a lady; but however that
+might be, there, upon his own ground, he was not; nor was there any more
+distinct trace of him to assist the imagination of an inquirer, than
+a professional print or emblem of his calling (much favoured in the
+trade), representing a hair-dresser of easy manners curling a lady
+of distinguished fashion, in the presence of a patent upright grand
+pianoforte.
+
+Noting these circumstances, Mr Pecksniff, in the innocence of his heart,
+applied himself to the knocker; but at the first double knock every
+window in the street became alive with female heads; and before he could
+repeat the performance whole troops of married ladies (some about to
+trouble Mrs Gamp themselves very shortly) came flocking round the steps,
+all crying out with one accord, and with uncommon interest, 'Knock at
+the winder, sir, knock at the winder. Lord bless you, don't lose no more
+time than you can help--knock at the winder!'
+
+Acting upon this suggestion, and borrowing the driver's whip for the
+purpose, Mr Pecksniff soon made a commotion among the first floor
+flower-pots, and roused Mrs Gamp, whose voice--to the great satisfaction
+of the matrons--was heard to say, 'I'm coming.'
+
+'He's as pale as a muffin,' said one lady, in allusion to Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'So he ought to be, if he's the feelings of a man,' observed another.
+
+A third lady (with her arms folded) said she wished he had chosen any
+other time for fetching Mrs Gamp, but it always happened so with HER.
+
+It gave Mr Pecksniff much uneasiness to find, from these remarks, that
+he was supposed to have come to Mrs Gamp upon an errand touching--not
+the close of life, but the other end. Mrs Gamp herself was under the
+same impression, for, throwing open the window, she cried behind the
+curtains, as she hastily attired herself--
+
+'Is it Mrs Perkins?'
+
+'No!' returned Mr Pecksniff, sharply. 'Nothing of the sort.'
+
+'What, Mr Whilks!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say it's you, Mr Whilks, and
+that poor creetur Mrs Whilks with not even a pincushion ready. Don't say
+it's you, Mr Whilks!'
+
+'It isn't Mr Whilks,' said Pecksniff. 'I don't know the man. Nothing
+of the kind. A gentleman is dead; and some person being wanted in the
+house, you have been recommended by Mr Mould the undertaker.'
+
+As she was by this time in a condition to appear, Mrs Gamp, who had
+a face for all occasions, looked out of the window with her mourning
+countenance, and said she would be down directly. But the matrons took
+it very ill that Mr Pecksniff's mission was of so unimportant a kind;
+and the lady with her arms folded rated him in good round terms,
+signifying that she would be glad to know what he meant by terrifying
+delicate females 'with his corpses;' and giving it as her opinion that
+he was quite ugly enough to know better. The other ladies were not at
+all behind-hand in expressing similar sentiments; and the children, of
+whom some scores had now collected, hooted and defied Mr Pecksniff quite
+savagely. So when Mrs Gamp appeared, the unoffending gentleman was glad
+to hustle her with very little ceremony into the cabriolet, and drive
+off, overwhelmed with popular execration.
+
+Mrs Gamp had a large bundle with her, a pair of pattens, and a species
+of gig umbrella; the latter article in colour like a faded leaf, except
+where a circular patch of a lively blue had been dexterously let in at
+the top. She was much flurried by the haste she had made, and laboured
+under the most erroneous views of cabriolets, which she appeared
+to confound with mail-coaches or stage-wagons, inasmuch as she was
+constantly endeavouring for the first half mile to force her luggage
+through the little front window, and clamouring to the driver to 'put
+it in the boot.' When she was disabused of this idea, her whole being
+resolved itself into an absorbing anxiety about her pattens, with which
+she played innumerable games at quoits on Mr Pecksniff's legs. It was
+not until they were close upon the house of mourning that she had enough
+composure to observe--
+
+'And so the gentleman's dead, sir! Ah! The more's the pity.' She didn't
+even know his name. 'But it's what we must all come to. It's as certain
+as being born, except that we can't make our calculations as exact. Ah!
+Poor dear!'
+
+She was a fat old woman, this Mrs Gamp, with a husky voice and a moist
+eye, which she had a remarkable power of turning up, and only showing
+the white of it. Having very little neck, it cost her some trouble to
+look over herself, if one may say so, at those to whom she talked. She
+wore a very rusty black gown, rather the worse for snuff, and a shawl
+and bonnet to correspond. In these dilapidated articles of dress she
+had, on principle, arrayed herself, time out of mind, on such occasions
+as the present; for this at once expressed a decent amount of veneration
+for the deceased, and invited the next of kin to present her with a
+fresher suit of weeds; an appeal so frequently successful, that the very
+fetch and ghost of Mrs Gamp, bonnet and all, might be seen hanging up,
+any hour in the day, in at least a dozen of the second-hand clothes
+shops about Holborn. The face of Mrs Gamp--the nose in particular--was
+somewhat red and swollen, and it was difficult to enjoy her society
+without becoming conscious of a smell of spirits. Like most persons who
+have attained to great eminence in their profession, she took to hers
+very kindly; insomuch that, setting aside her natural predilections as
+a woman, she went to a lying-in or a laying-out with equal zest and
+relish.
+
+'Ah!' repeated Mrs Gamp; for it was always a safe sentiment in cases of
+mourning. 'Ah dear! When Gamp was summoned to his long home, and I see
+him a-lying in Guy's Hospital with a penny-piece on each eye, and his
+wooden leg under his left arm, I thought I should have fainted away. But
+I bore up.'
+
+If certain whispers current in the Kingsgate Street circles had any
+truth in them, she had indeed borne up surprisingly; and had exerted
+such uncommon fortitude as to dispose of Mr Gamp's remains for the
+benefit of science. But it should be added, in fairness, that this had
+happened twenty years before; and that Mr and Mrs Gamp had long been
+separated on the ground of incompatibility of temper in their drink.
+
+'You have become indifferent since then, I suppose?' said Mr Pecksniff.
+'Use is second nature, Mrs Gamp.'
+
+'You may well say second nater, sir,' returned that lady. 'One's first
+ways is to find sich things a trial to the feelings, and so is one's
+lasting custom. If it wasn't for the nerve a little sip of liquor gives
+me (I never was able to do more than taste it), I never could go through
+with what I sometimes has to do. "Mrs Harris," I says, at the very last
+case as ever I acted in, which it was but a young person, "Mrs Harris,"
+I says, "leave the bottle on the chimley-piece, and don't ask me to take
+none, but let me put my lips to it when I am so dispoged, and then I
+will do what I'm engaged to do, according to the best of my ability."
+"Mrs Gamp," she says, in answer, "if ever there was a sober creetur to
+be got at eighteen pence a day for working people, and three and six for
+gentlefolks--night watching,"' said Mrs Gamp with emphasis, '"being a
+extra charge--you are that inwallable person." "Mrs Harris," I says to
+her, "don't name the charge, for if I could afford to lay all my feller
+creeturs out for nothink, I would gladly do it, sich is the love I bears
+'em. But what I always says to them as has the management of matters,
+Mrs Harris"'--here she kept her eye on Mr Pecksniff--'"be they gents or
+be they ladies, is, don't ask me whether I won't take none, or whether I
+will, but leave the bottle on the chimley-piece, and let me put my lips
+to it when I am so dispoged."'
+
+The conclusion of this affecting narrative brought them to the house. In
+the passage they encountered Mr Mould the undertaker; a little elderly
+gentleman, bald, and in a suit of black; with a notebook in his hand,
+a massive gold watch-chain dangling from his fob, and a face in which a
+queer attempt at melancholy was at odds with a smirk of satisfaction; so
+that he looked as a man might, who, in the very act of smacking his lips
+over choice old wine, tried to make believe it was physic.
+
+'Well, Mrs Gamp, and how are YOU, Mrs Gamp?' said this gentleman, in a
+voice as soft as his step.
+
+'Pretty well, I thank you, sir,' dropping a curtsey.
+
+'You'll be very particular here, Mrs Gamp. This is not a common case,
+Mrs Gamp. Let everything be very nice and comfortable, Mrs Gamp, if you
+please,' said the undertaker, shaking his head with a solemn air.
+
+'It shall be, sir,' she replied, curtseying again. 'You knows me of old,
+sir, I hope.'
+
+'I hope so, too, Mrs Gamp,' said the undertaker, 'and I think so also.'
+Mrs Gamp curtseyed again. 'This is one of the most impressive cases,
+sir,' he continued, addressing Mr Pecksniff, 'that I have seen in the
+whole course of my professional experience.'
+
+'Indeed, Mr Mould!' cried that gentleman.
+
+'Such affectionate regret, sir, I never saw. There is no limitation,
+there is positively NO limitation'--opening his eyes wide, and standing
+on tiptoe--'in point of expense! I have orders, sir, to put on my whole
+establishment of mutes; and mutes come very dear, Mr Pecksniff; not to
+mention their drink. To provide silver-plated handles of the very best
+description, ornamented with angels' heads from the most expensive
+dies. To be perfectly profuse in feathers. In short, sir, to turn out
+something absolutely gorgeous.'
+
+'My friend Mr Jonas is an excellent man,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'I have seen a good deal of what is filial in my time, sir,' retorted
+Mould, 'and what is unfilial too. It is our lot. We come into the
+knowledge of those secrets. But anything so filial as this; anything so
+honourable to human nature; so calculated to reconcile all of us to the
+world we live in; never yet came under my observation. It only
+proves, sir, what was so forcibly observed by the lamented theatrical
+poet--buried at Stratford--that there is good in everything.'
+
+'It is very pleasant to hear you say so, Mr Mould,' observed Pecksniff.
+
+'You are very kind, sir. And what a man Mr Chuzzlewit was, sir! Ah! what
+a man he was. You may talk of your lord mayors,' said Mould, waving his
+hand at the public in general, 'your sheriffs, your common councilmen,
+your trumpery; but show me a man in this city who is worthy to walk
+in the shoes of the departed Mr Chuzzlewit. No, no,' cried Mould, with
+bitter sarcasm. 'Hang 'em up, hang 'em up; sole 'em and heel 'em, and
+have 'em ready for his son against he's old enough to wear 'em; but
+don't try 'em on yourselves, for they won't fit you. We knew him,' said
+Mould, in the same biting vein, as he pocketed his note-book; 'we
+knew him, and are not to be caught with chaff. Mr Pecksniff, sir, good
+morning.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff returned the compliment; and Mould, sensible of having
+distinguished himself, was going away with a brisk smile, when he
+fortunately remembered the occasion. Quickly becoming depressed again,
+he sighed; looked into the crown of his hat, as if for comfort; put it
+on without finding any; and slowly departed.
+
+Mrs Gamp and Mr Pecksniff then ascended the staircase; and the former,
+having been shown to the chamber in which all that remained of Anthony
+Chuzzlewit lay covered up, with but one loving heart, and that a halting
+one, to mourn it, left the latter free to enter the darkened room below,
+and rejoin Mr Jonas, from whom he had now been absent nearly two hours.
+
+He found that example to bereaved sons, and pattern in the eyes of all
+performers of funerals, musing over a fragment of writing-paper on the
+desk, and scratching figures on it with a pen. The old man's chair, and
+hat, and walking-stick, were removed from their accustomed places, and
+put out of sight; the window-blinds as yellow as November fogs, were
+drawn down close; Jonas himself was so subdued, that he could scarcely
+be heard to speak, and only seen to walk across the room.
+
+'Pecksniff,' he said, in a whisper, 'you shall have the regulation of
+it all, mind! You shall be able to tell anybody who talks about it that
+everything was correctly and nicely done. There isn't any one you'd like
+to ask to the funeral, is there?'
+
+'No, Mr Jonas, I think not.'
+
+'Because if there is, you know,' said Jonas, 'ask him. We don't want to
+make a secret of it.'
+
+'No,' repeated Mr Pecksniff, after a little reflection. 'I am not
+the less obliged to you on that account, Mr Jonas, for your liberal
+hospitality; but there really is no one.'
+
+'Very well,' said Jonas; 'then you, and I, and Chuffey, and the doctor,
+will be just a coachful. We'll have the doctor, Pecksniff, because he
+knows what was the matter with him, and that it couldn't be helped.'
+
+'Where is our dear friend, Mr Chuffey?' asked Pecksniff, looking round
+the chamber, and winking both his eyes at once--for he was overcome by
+his feelings.
+
+But here he was interrupted by Mrs Gamp, who, divested of her bonnet and
+shawl, came sidling and bridling into the room; and with some sharpness
+demanded a conference outside the door with Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'You may say whatever you wish to say here, Mrs Gamp,' said that
+gentleman, shaking his head with a melancholy expression.
+
+'It is not much as I have to say when people is a-mourning for the dead
+and gone,' said Mrs Gamp; 'but what I have to say is TO the pint and
+purpose, and no offence intended, must be so considered. I have been at
+a many places in my time, gentlemen, and I hope I knows what my duties
+is, and how the same should be performed; in course, if I did not, it
+would be very strange, and very wrong in sich a gentleman as Mr Mould,
+which has undertook the highest families in this land, and given every
+satisfaction, so to recommend me as he does. I have seen a deal of
+trouble my own self,' said Mrs Gamp, laying greater and greater stress
+upon her words, 'and I can feel for them as has their feelings tried,
+but I am not a Rooshan or a Prooshan, and consequently cannot suffer
+Spies to be set over me.'
+
+Before it was possible that an answer could be returned, Mrs Gamp,
+growing redder in the face, went on to say:
+
+'It is not a easy matter, gentlemen, to live when you are left a widder
+woman; particular when your feelings works upon you to that extent that
+you often find yourself a-going out on terms which is a certain loss,
+and never can repay. But in whatever way you earns your bread, you may
+have rules and regulations of your own which cannot be broke through.
+Some people,' said Mrs Gamp, again entrenching herself behind her
+strong point, as if it were not assailable by human ingenuity, 'may be
+Rooshans, and others may be Prooshans; they are born so, and will please
+themselves. Them which is of other naturs thinks different.'
+
+'If I understand this good lady,' said Mr Pecksniff, turning to Jonas,
+'Mr Chuffey is troublesome to her. Shall I fetch him down?'
+
+'Do,' said Jonas. 'I was going to tell you he was up there, when she
+came in. I'd go myself and bring him down, only--only I'd rather you
+went, if you don't mind.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff promptly departed, followed by Mrs Gamp, who, seeing that
+he took a bottle and glass from the cupboard, and carried it in his
+hand, was much softened.
+
+'I am sure,' she said, 'that if it wasn't for his own happiness, I
+should no more mind him being there, poor dear, than if he was a
+fly. But them as isn't used to these things, thinks so much of 'em
+afterwards, that it's a kindness to 'em not to let 'em have their wish.
+And even,' said Mrs Gamp, probably in reference to some flowers of
+speech she had already strewn on Mr Chuffey, 'even if one calls 'em
+names, it's only done to rouse 'em.'
+
+Whatever epithets she had bestowed on the old clerk, they had not
+roused HIM. He sat beside the bed, in the chair he had occupied all the
+previous night, with his hands folded before him, and his head bowed
+down; and neither looked up, on their entrance, nor gave any sign of
+consciousness, until Mr Pecksniff took him by the arm, when he meekly
+rose.
+
+'Three score and ten,' said Chuffey, 'ought and carry seven. Some men
+are so strong that they live to four score--four times ought's an ought,
+four times two's an eight--eighty. Oh! why--why--why didn't he live to
+four times ought's an ought, and four times two's an eight, eighty?'
+
+'Ah! what a wale of grief!' cried Mrs Gamp, possessing herself of the
+bottle and glass.
+
+'Why did he die before his poor old crazy servant?' said Chuffey,
+clasping his hands and looking up in anguish. 'Take him from me, and
+what remains?'
+
+'Mr Jonas,' returned Pecksniff, 'Mr Jonas, my good friend.'
+
+'I loved him,' cried the old man, weeping. 'He was good to me. We learnt
+Tare and Tret together at school. I took him down once, six boys in the
+arithmetic class. God forgive me! Had I the heart to take him down!'
+
+'Come, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff. 'Come with me. Summon up your
+fortitude, Mr Chuffey.'
+
+'Yes, I will,' returned the old clerk. 'Yes. I'll sum up my forty--How
+many times forty--Oh, Chuzzlewit and Son--Your own son Mr Chuzzlewit;
+your own son, sir!'
+
+He yielded to the hand that guided him, as he lapsed into this familiar
+expression, and submitted to be led away. Mrs Gamp, with the bottle on
+one knee, and the glass on the other, sat upon a stool, shaking her head
+for a long time, until, in a moment of abstraction, she poured out
+a dram of spirits, and raised it to her lips. It was succeeded by a
+second, and by a third, and then her eyes--either in the sadness of
+her reflections upon life and death, or in her admiration of the
+liquor--were so turned up, as to be quite invisible. But she shook her
+head still.
+
+Poor Chuffey was conducted to his accustomed corner, and there he
+remained, silent and quiet, save at long intervals, when he would rise,
+and walk about the room, and wring his hands, or raise some strange and
+sudden cry. For a whole week they all three sat about the hearth and
+never stirred abroad. Mr Pecksniff would have walked out in the evening
+time, but Mr Jonas was so averse to his being absent for a minute, that
+he abandoned the idea, and so, from morning until night, they brooded
+together in the dark room, without relief or occupation.
+
+The weight of that which was stretched out, stiff and stark, in the
+awful chamber above-stairs, so crushed and bore down Jonas, that he bent
+beneath the load. During the whole long seven days and nights, he was
+always oppressed and haunted by a dreadful sense of its presence in the
+house. Did the door move, he looked towards it with a livid face and
+starting eye, as if he fully believed that ghostly fingers clutched the
+handle. Did the fire flicker in a draught of air, he glanced over his
+shoulder, as almost dreading to behold some shrouded figure fanning and
+flapping at it with its fearful dress. The lightest noise disturbed him;
+and once, in the night, at the sound of a footstep overhead, he cried
+out that the dead man was walking--tramp, tramp, tramp--about his
+coffin.
+
+He lay at night upon a mattress on the floor of the sitting-room; his
+own chamber having been assigned to Mrs Gamp; and Mr Pecksniff was
+similarly accommodated. The howling of a dog before the house, filled
+him with a terror he could not disguise. He avoided the reflection in
+the opposite windows of the light that burned above, as though it had
+been an angry eye. He often, in every night, rose up from his fitful
+sleep, and looked and longed for dawn; all directions and arrangements,
+even to the ordering of their daily meals, he abandoned to Mr Pecksniff.
+That excellent gentleman, deeming that the mourner wanted comfort, and
+that high feeding was likely to do him infinite service, availed himself
+of these opportunities to such good purpose, that they kept quite a
+dainty table during this melancholy season; with sweetbreads, stewed
+kidneys, oysters, and other such light viands for supper every night;
+over which, and sundry jorums of hot punch, Mr Pecksniff delivered such
+moral reflections and spiritual consolation as might have converted a
+Heathen--especially if he had had but an imperfect acquaintance with the
+English tongue.
+
+Nor did Mr Pecksniff alone indulge in the creature comforts during
+this sad time. Mrs Gamp proved to be very choice in her eating, and
+repudiated hashed mutton with scorn. In her drinking too, she was very
+punctual and particular, requiring a pint of mild porter at lunch, a
+pint at dinner, half-a-pint as a species of stay or holdfast between
+dinner and tea, and a pint of the celebrated staggering ale, or Real Old
+Brighton Tipper, at supper; besides the bottle on the chimney-piece,
+and such casual invitations to refresh herself with wine as the good
+breeding of her employers might prompt them to offer. In like manner, Mr
+Mould's men found it necessary to drown their grief, like a young kitten
+in the morning of its existence, for which reason they generally fuddled
+themselves before they began to do anything, lest it should make head
+and get the better of them. In short, the whole of that strange week was
+a round of dismal joviality and grim enjoyment; and every one, except
+poor Chuffey, who came within the shadow of Anthony Chuzzlewit's grave,
+feasted like a Ghoul.
+
+At length the day of the funeral, pious and truthful ceremony that it
+was, arrived. Mr Mould, with a glass of generous port between his eye
+and the light, leaned against the desk in the little glass office with
+his gold watch in his unoccupied hand, and conversed with Mrs Gamp; two
+mutes were at the house-door, looking as mournful as could be reasonably
+expected of men with such a thriving job in hand; the whole of Mr
+Mould's establishment were on duty within the house or without; feathers
+waved, horses snorted, silk and velvets fluttered; in a word, as Mr
+Mould emphatically said, 'Everything that money could do was done.'
+
+'And what can do more, Mrs Gamp?' exclaimed the undertaker as he emptied
+his glass and smacked his lips.
+
+'Nothing in the world, sir.'
+
+'Nothing in the world,' repeated Mr Mould. 'You are right, Mrs Gamp.
+Why do people spend more money'--here he filled his glass again--'upon a
+death, Mrs Gamp, than upon a birth? Come, that's in your way; you ought
+to know. How do you account for that now?'
+
+'Perhaps it is because an undertaker's charges comes dearer than a
+nurse's charges, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, tittering, and smoothing down her
+new black dress with her hands.
+
+'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'You have been breakfasting at somebody's
+expense this morning, Mrs Gamp.' But seeing, by the aid of a little
+shaving-glass which hung opposite, that he looked merry, he composed his
+features and became sorrowful.
+
+'Many's the time that I've not breakfasted at my own expense along of
+your recommending, sir; and many's the time I hope to do the same in
+time to come,' said Mrs Gamp, with an apologetic curtsey.
+
+'So be it,' replied Mr Mould, 'please Providence. No, Mrs Gamp;
+I'll tell you why it is. It's because the laying out of money with a
+well-conducted establishment, where the thing is performed upon the
+very best scale, binds the broken heart, and sheds balm upon the wounded
+spirit. Hearts want binding, and spirits want balming when people die;
+not when people are born. Look at this gentleman to-day; look at him.'
+
+'An open-handed gentleman?' cried Mrs Gamp, with enthusiasm.
+
+'No, no,' said the undertaker; 'not an open-handed gentleman in general,
+by any means. There you mistake him; but an afflicted gentleman, an
+affectionate gentleman, who knows what it is in the power of money to
+do, in giving him relief, and in testifying his love and veneration for
+the departed. It can give him,' said Mr Mould, waving his watch-chain
+slowly round and round, so that he described one circle after every
+item; 'it can give him four horses to each vehicle; it can give him
+velvet trappings; it can give him drivers in cloth cloaks and top-boots;
+it can give him the plumage of the ostrich, dyed black; it can give him
+any number of walking attendants, dressed in the first style of funeral
+fashion, and carrying batons tipped with brass; it can give him a
+handsome tomb; it can give him a place in Westminster Abbey itself, if
+he choose to invest it in such a purchase. Oh! do not let us say that
+gold is dross, when it can buy such things as these, Mrs Gamp.'
+
+'But what a blessing, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that there are such as you,
+to sell or let 'em out on hire!'
+
+'Aye, Mrs Gamp, you are right,' rejoined the undertaker. 'We should
+be an honoured calling. We do good by stealth, and blush to have it
+mentioned in our little bills. How much consolation may I--even I,'
+cried Mr Mould, 'have diffused among my fellow-creatures by means of my
+four long-tailed prancers, never harnessed under ten pund ten!'
+
+Mrs Gamp had begun to make a suitable reply, when she was interrupted
+by the appearance of one of Mr Mould's assistants--his chief mourner in
+fact--an obese person, with his waistcoat in closer connection with his
+legs than is quite reconcilable with the established ideas of grace;
+with that cast of feature which is figuratively called a bottle nose;
+and with a face covered all over with pimples. He had been a tender
+plant once upon a time, but from constant blowing in the fat atmosphere
+of funerals, had run to seed.
+
+'Well, Tacker,' said Mr Mould, 'is all ready below?'
+
+'A beautiful show, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'The horses are prouder and
+fresher than ever I see 'em; and toss their heads, they do, as if they
+knowed how much their plumes cost. One, two, three, four,' said Mr
+Tacker, heaping that number of black cloaks upon his left arm.
+
+'Is Tom there, with the cake and wine?' asked Mr Mould.
+
+'Ready to come in at a moment's notice, sir,' said Tacker.
+
+'Then,' rejoined Mr Mould, putting up his watch, and glancing at himself
+in the little shaving-glass, that he might be sure his face had the
+right expression on it; 'then I think we may proceed to business. Give
+me the paper of gloves, Tacker. Ah, what a man he was! Ah, Tacker,
+Tacker, what a man he was!'
+
+Mr Tacker, who from his great experience in the performance of funerals,
+would have made an excellent pantomime actor, winked at Mrs Gamp without
+at all disturbing the gravity of his countenance, and followed his
+master into the next room.
+
+It was a great point with Mr Mould, and a part of his professional
+tact, not to seem to know the doctor; though in reality they were near
+neighbours, and very often, as in the present instance, worked together.
+So he advanced to fit on his black kid gloves as if he had never seen
+him in all his life; while the doctor, on his part, looked as distant
+and unconscious as if he had heard and read of undertakers, and had
+passed their shops, but had never before been brought into communication
+with one.
+
+'Gloves, eh?' said the doctor. 'Mr Pecksniff after you.'
+
+'I couldn't think of it,' returned Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'You are very good,' said the doctor, taking a pair. 'Well, sir, as I
+was saying--I was called up to attend that case at about half-past one
+o'clock. Cake and wine, eh? Which is port? Thank you.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff took some also.
+
+'At about half-past one o'clock in the morning, sir,' resumed the
+doctor, 'I was called up to attend that case. At the first pull of
+the night-bell I turned out, threw up the window, and put out my head.
+Cloak, eh? Don't tie it too tight. That'll do.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff having been likewise inducted into a similar garment, the
+doctor resumed.
+
+'And put out my head--hat, eh? My good friend, that is not mine. Mr
+Pecksniff, I beg your pardon, but I think we have unintentionally made
+an exchange. Thank you. Well, sir, I was going to tell you--'
+
+'We are quite ready,' interrupted Mould in a low voice.
+
+'Ready, eh?' said the doctor. 'Very good, Mr Pecksniff, I'll take an
+opportunity of relating the rest in the coach. It's rather curious.
+Ready, eh? No rain, I hope?'
+
+'Quite fair, sir,' returned Mould.
+
+'I was afraid the ground would have been wet,' said the doctor, 'for
+my glass fell yesterday. We may congratulate ourselves upon our good
+fortune.' But seeing by this time that Mr Jonas and Chuffey were going
+out at the door, he put a white pocket-handkerchief to his face as if a
+violent burst of grief had suddenly come upon him, and walked down side
+by side with Mr Pecksniff.
+
+Mr Mould and his men had not exaggerated the grandeur of the
+arrangements. They were splendid. The four hearse-horses, especially,
+reared and pranced, and showed their highest action, as if they knew a
+man was dead, and triumphed in it. 'They break us, drive us, ride us;
+ill-treat, abuse, and maim us for their pleasure--But they die; Hurrah,
+they die!'
+
+So through the narrow streets and winding city ways, went Anthony
+Chuzzlewit's funeral; Mr Jonas glancing stealthily out of the
+coach-window now and then, to observe its effect upon the crowd;
+Mr Mould as he walked along, listening with a sober pride to the
+exclamations of the bystanders; the doctor whispering his story to Mr
+Pecksniff, without appearing to come any nearer the end of it; and
+poor old Chuffey sobbing unregarded in a corner. But he had greatly
+scandalized Mr Mould at an early stage of the ceremony by carrying his
+handkerchief in his hat in a perfectly informal manner, and wiping his
+eyes with his knuckles. And as Mr Mould himself had said already, his
+behaviour was indecent, and quite unworthy of such an occasion; and he
+never ought to have been there.
+
+There he was, however; and in the churchyard there he was, also,
+conducting himself in a no less unbecoming manner, and leaning for
+support on Tacker, who plainly told him that he was fit for nothing
+better than a walking funeral. But Chuffey, Heaven help him! heard no
+sound but the echoes, lingering in his own heart, of a voice for ever
+silent.
+
+'I loved him,' cried the old man, sinking down upon the grave when all
+was done. 'He was very good to me. Oh, my dear old friend and master!'
+
+'Come, come, Mr Chuffey,' said the doctor, 'this won't do; it's a clayey
+soil, Mr Chuffey. You mustn't, really.'
+
+'If it had been the commonest thing we do, and Mr Chuffey had been a
+Bearer, gentlemen,' said Mould, casting an imploring glance upon them,
+as he helped to raise him, 'he couldn't have gone on worse than this.'
+
+'Be a man, Mr Chuffey,' said Pecksniff.
+
+'Be a gentleman, Mr Chuffey,' said Mould.
+
+'Upon my word, my good friend,' murmured the doctor, in a tone of
+stately reproof, as he stepped up to the old man's side, 'this is worse
+than weakness. This is bad, selfish, very wrong, Mr Chuffey. You should
+take example from others, my good sir. You forget that you were not
+connected by ties of blood with our deceased friend; and that he had a
+very near and very dear relation, Mr Chuffey.'
+
+'Aye, his own son!' cried the old man, clasping his hands with
+remarkable passion. 'His own, own, only son!'
+
+'He's not right in his head, you know,' said Jonas, turning pale.
+'You're not to mind anything he says. I shouldn't wonder if he was
+to talk some precious nonsense. But don't you mind him, any of you. I
+don't. My father left him to my charge; and whatever he says or does,
+that's enough. I'll take care of him.'
+
+A hum of admiration rose from the mourners (including Mr Mould and his
+merry men) at this new instance of magnanimity and kind feeling on the
+part of Jonas. But Chuffey put it to the test no farther. He said not
+a word more, and being left to himself for a little while, crept back
+again to the coach.
+
+It has been said that Mr Jonas turned pale when the behaviour of the old
+clerk attracted general attention; his discomposure, however, was but
+momentary, and he soon recovered. But these were not the only changes
+he had exhibited that day. The curious eyes of Mr Pecksniff had observed
+that as soon as they left the house upon their mournful errand, he began
+to mend; that as the ceremonies proceeded he gradually, by little and
+little, recovered his old condition, his old looks, his old bearing, his
+old agreeable characteristics of speech and manner, and became, in all
+respects, his old pleasant self. And now that they were seated in the
+coach on their return home; and more when they got there, and found the
+windows open, the light and air admitted, and all traces of the late
+event removed; he felt so well convinced that Jonas was again the Jonas
+he had known a week ago, and not the Jonas of the intervening time, that
+he voluntarily gave up his recently-acquired power without one faint
+attempt to exercise it, and at once fell back into his former position
+of mild and deferential guest.
+
+Mrs Gamp went home to the bird-fancier's, and was knocked up again that
+very night for a birth of twins; Mr Mould dined gayly in the bosom of
+his family, and passed the evening facetiously at his club; the hearse,
+after standing for a long time at the door of a roistering public-house,
+repaired to its stables with the feathers inside and twelve red-nosed
+undertakers on the roof, each holding on by a dingy peg, to which, in
+times of state, a waving plume was fitted; the various trappings of
+sorrow were carefully laid by in presses for the next hirer; the fiery
+steeds were quenched and quiet in their stalls; the doctor got merry
+with wine at a wedding-dinner, and forgot the middle of the story which
+had no end to it; the pageant of a few short hours ago was written
+nowhere half so legibly as in the undertaker's books.
+
+Not in the churchyard? Not even there. The gates were closed; the night
+was dark and wet; the rain fell silently, among the stagnant weeds and
+nettles. One new mound was there which had not been there last night.
+Time, burrowing like a mole below the ground, had marked his track by
+throwing up another heap of earth. And that was all.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY
+
+IS A CHAPTER OF LOVE
+
+
+'Pecksniff,' said Jonas, taking off his hat, to see that the black
+crape band was all right; and finding that it was, putting it on again,
+complacently; 'what do you mean to give your daughters when they marry?'
+
+'My dear Mr Jonas,' cried the affectionate parent, with an ingenuous
+smile, 'what a very singular inquiry!'
+
+'Now, don't you mind whether it's a singular inquiry or a plural one,'
+retorted Jonas, eyeing Mr Pecksniff with no great favour, 'but answer
+it, or let it alone. One or the other.'
+
+'Hum! The question, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, laying his hand
+tenderly upon his kinsman's knee, 'is involved with many considerations.
+What would I give them? Eh?'
+
+'Ah! what would you give 'em?' repeated Jonas.
+
+'Why, that, 'said Mr Pecksniff, 'would naturally depend in a great
+measure upon the kind of husbands they might choose, my dear young
+friend.'
+
+Mr Jonas was evidently disconcerted, and at a loss how to proceed.
+It was a good answer. It seemed a deep one, but such is the wisdom of
+simplicity!'
+
+'My standard for the merits I would require in a son-in-law,' said Mr
+Pecksniff, after a short silence, 'is a high one. Forgive me, my dear Mr
+Jonas,' he added, greatly moved, 'if I say that you have spoiled me, and
+made it a fanciful one; an imaginative one; a prismatically tinged one,
+if I may be permitted to call it so.'
+
+'What do you mean by that?' growled Jonas, looking at him with increased
+disfavour.
+
+'Indeed, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'you may well inquire.
+The heart is not always a royal mint, with patent machinery to work its
+metal into current coin. Sometimes it throws it out in strange forms,
+not easily recognized as coin at all. But it is sterling gold. It has at
+least that merit. It is sterling gold.'
+
+'Is it?' grumbled Jonas, with a doubtful shake of the head.
+
+'Aye!' said Mr Pecksniff, warming with his subject 'it is. To be plain
+with you, Mr Jonas, if I could find two such sons-in-law as you will one
+day make to some deserving man, capable of appreciating a nature such as
+yours, I would--forgetful of myself--bestow upon my daughters portions
+reaching to the very utmost limit of my means.'
+
+This was strong language, and it was earnestly delivered. But who can
+wonder that such a man as Mr Pecksniff, after all he had seen and heard
+of Mr Jonas, should be strong and earnest upon such a theme; a theme
+that touched even the worldly lips of undertakers with the honey of
+eloquence!
+
+Mr Jonas was silent, and looked thoughtfully at the landscape. For
+they were seated on the outside of the coach, at the back, and were
+travelling down into the country. He accompanied Mr Pecksniff home for a
+few days' change of air and scene after his recent trials.
+
+'Well,' he said, at last, with captivating bluntness, 'suppose you got
+one such son-in-law as me, what then?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff regarded him at first with inexpressible surprise; then
+gradually breaking into a sort of dejected vivacity, said:
+
+'Then well I know whose husband he would be!'
+
+'Whose?' asked Jonas, drily.
+
+'My eldest girl's, Mr Jonas,' replied Pecksniff, with moistening eyes.
+'My dear Cherry's; my staff, my scrip, my treasure, Mr Jonas. A hard
+struggle, but it is in the nature of things! I must one day part with
+her to a husband. I know it, my dear friend. I am prepared for it.'
+
+'Ecod! you've been prepared for that a pretty long time, I should
+think,' said Jonas.
+
+'Many have sought to bear her from me,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'All have
+failed. "I never will give my hand, papa"--those were her words--"unless
+my heart is won." She has not been quite so happy as she used to be, of
+late. I don't know why.'
+
+Again Mr Jonas looked at the landscape; then at the coachman; then at
+the luggage on the roof; finally at Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'I suppose you'll have to part with the other one, some of these days?'
+he observed, as he caught that gentleman's eye.
+
+'Probably,' said the parent. 'Years will tame down the wildness of my
+foolish bird, and then it will be caged. But Cherry, Mr Jonas, Cherry--'
+
+'Oh, ah!' interrupted Jonas. 'Years have made her all right enough.
+Nobody doubts that. But you haven't answered what I asked you. Of
+course, you're not obliged to do it, you know, if you don't like. You're
+the best judge.'
+
+There was a warning sulkiness in the manner of this speech, which
+admonished Mr Pecksniff that his dear friend was not to be trifled with
+or fenced off, and that he must either return a straight-forward reply
+to his question, or plainly give him to understand that he declined to
+enlighten him upon the subject to which it referred. Mindful in this
+dilemma of the caution old Anthony had given him almost with his
+latest breath, he resolved to speak to the point, and so told Mr Jonas
+(enlarging upon the communication as a proof of his great attachment and
+confidence), that in the case he had put; to wit, in the event of such
+a man as he proposing for his daughter's hand, he would endow her with a
+fortune of four thousand pounds.
+
+'I should sadly pinch and cramp myself to do so,' was his fatherly
+remark; 'but that would be my duty, and my conscience would reward me.
+For myself, my conscience is my bank. I have a trifle invested there--a
+mere trifle, Mr Jonas--but I prize it as a store of value, I assure
+you.'
+
+The good man's enemies would have divided upon this question into two
+parties. One would have asserted without scruple that if Mr Pecksniff's
+conscience were his bank, and he kept a running account there, he must
+have overdrawn it beyond all mortal means of computation. The other
+would have contended that it was a mere fictitious form; a perfectly
+blank book; or one in which entries were only made with a peculiar kind
+of invisible ink to become legible at some indefinite time; and that he
+never troubled it at all.
+
+'It would sadly pinch and cramp me, my dear friend,' repeated Mr
+Pecksniff, 'but Providence--perhaps I may be permitted to say a special
+Providence--has blessed my endeavours, and I could guarantee to make the
+sacrifice.'
+
+A question of philosophy arises here, whether Mr Pecksniff had or had
+not good reason to say that he was specially patronized and encouraged
+in his undertakings. All his life long he had been walking up and down
+the narrow ways and by-places, with a hook in one hand and a crook in
+the other, scraping all sorts of valuable odds and ends into his pouch.
+Now, there being a special Providence in the fall of a sparrow, it
+follows (so Mr Pecksniff, and only such admirable men, would have
+reasoned), that there must also be a special Providence in the alighting
+of the stone or stick, or other substance which is aimed at the sparrow.
+And Mr Pecksniff's hook, or crook, having invariably knocked the sparrow
+on the head and brought him down, that gentleman may have been led to
+consider himself as specially licensed to bag sparrows, and as being
+specially seized and possessed of all the birds he had got together.
+That many undertakings, national as well as individual--but especially
+the former--are held to be specially brought to a glorious and
+successful issue, which never could be so regarded on any other process
+of reasoning, must be clear to all men. Therefore the precedents would
+seem to show that Mr Pecksniff had (as things go) good argument for
+what he said and might be permitted to say it, and did not say it
+presumptuously, vainly, or arrogantly, but in a spirit of high faith and
+great wisdom.
+
+Mr Jonas, not being much accustomed to perplex his mind with theories of
+this nature, expressed no opinion on the subject. Nor did he receive
+his companion's announcement with one solitary syllable, good, bad, or
+indifferent. He preserved this taciturnity for a quarter of an hour at
+least, and during the whole of that time appeared to be steadily engaged
+in subjecting some given amount to the operation of every known rule in
+figures; adding to it, taking from it, multiplying it, reducing it by
+long and short division; working it by the rule-of-three direct and
+inversed; exchange or barter; practice; simple interest; compound
+interest; and other means of arithmetical calculation. The result
+of these labours appeared to be satisfactory, for when he did break
+silence, it was as one who had arrived at some specific result, and
+freed himself from a state of distressing uncertainty.
+
+'Come, old Pecksniff!'--Such was his jocose address, as he slapped that
+gentleman on the back, at the end of the stage--'let's have something!'
+
+'With all my heart,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Let's treat the driver,' cried Jonas.
+
+'If you think it won't hurt the man, or render him discontented with his
+station--certainly,' faltered Mr Pecksniff.
+
+Jonas only laughed at this, and getting down from the coach-top with
+great alacrity, cut a cumbersome kind of caper in the road. After which,
+he went into the public-house, and there ordered spirituous drink to
+such an extent, that Mr Pecksniff had some doubts of his perfect sanity,
+until Jonas set them quite at rest by saying, when the coach could wait
+no longer:
+
+'I've been standing treat for a whole week and more, and letting
+you have all the delicacies of the season. YOU shall pay for this
+Pecksniff.' It was not a joke either, as Mr Pecksniff at first supposed;
+for he went off to the coach without further ceremony, and left his
+respected victim to settle the bill.
+
+But Mr Pecksniff was a man of meek endurance, and Mr Jonas was his
+friend. Moreover, his regard for that gentleman was founded, as we know,
+on pure esteem, and a knowledge of the excellence of his character. He
+came out from the tavern with a smiling face, and even went so far as
+to repeat the performance, on a less expensive scale, at the next
+ale-house. There was a certain wildness in the spirits of Mr Jonas (not
+usually a part of his character) which was far from being subdued
+by these means, and, for the rest of the journey, he was so very
+buoyant--it may be said, boisterous--that Mr Pecksniff had some
+difficulty in keeping pace with him.
+
+They were not expected--oh dear, no! Mr Pecksniff had proposed in London
+to give the girls a surprise, and had said he wouldn't write a word to
+prepare them on any account, in order that he and Mr Jonas might take
+them unawares, and just see what they were doing, when they thought
+their dear papa was miles and miles away. As a consequence of this
+playful device, there was nobody to meet them at the finger-post, but
+that was of small consequence, for they had come down by the day
+coach, and Mr Pecksniff had only a carpetbag, while Mr Jonas had only
+a portmanteau. They took the portmanteau between them, put the bag upon
+it, and walked off up the lane without delay; Mr Pecksniff already going
+on tiptoe as if, without this precaution, his fond children, being then
+at a distance of a couple of miles or so, would have some filial sense
+of his approach.
+
+It was a lovely evening in the spring-time of the year; and in the soft
+stillness of the twilight, all nature was very calm and beautiful. The
+day had been fine and warm; but at the coming on of night, the air grew
+cool, and in the mellowing distance smoke was rising gently from the
+cottage chimneys. There were a thousand pleasant scents diffused around,
+from young leaves and fresh buds; the cuckoo had been singing all day
+long, and was but just now hushed; the smell of earth newly-upturned,
+first breath of hope to the first labourer after his garden withered,
+was fragrant in the evening breeze. It was a time when most men cherish
+good resolves, and sorrow for the wasted past; when most men, looking
+on the shadows as they gather, think of that evening which must close on
+all, and that to-morrow which has none beyond.
+
+'Precious dull,' said Mr Jonas, looking about. 'It's enough to make a
+man go melancholy mad.'
+
+'We shall have lights and a fire soon,' observed Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'We shall need 'em by the time we get there,' said Jonas. 'Why the devil
+don't you talk? What are you thinking of?'
+
+'To tell you the truth, Mr Jonas,' said Pecksniff with great solemnity,
+'my mind was running at that moment on our late dear friend, your
+departed father.'
+
+Mr Jonas immediately let his burden fall, and said, threatening him with
+his hand:
+
+'Drop that, Pecksniff!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff not exactly knowing whether allusion was made to the
+subject or the portmanteau, stared at his friend in unaffected surprise.
+
+'Drop it, I say!' cried Jonas, fiercely. 'Do you hear? Drop it, now and
+for ever. You had better, I give you notice!'
+
+'It was quite a mistake,' urged Mr Pecksniff, very much dismayed;
+'though I admit it was foolish. I might have known it was a tender
+string.'
+
+'Don't talk to me about tender strings,' said Jonas, wiping his forehead
+with the cuff of his coat. 'I'm not going to be crowed over by you,
+because I don't like dead company.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had got out the words 'Crowed over, Mr Jonas!' when that
+young man, with a dark expression in his countenance, cut him short once
+more:
+
+'Mind!' he said. 'I won't have it. I advise you not to revive the
+subject, neither to me nor anybody else. You can take a hint, if you
+choose as well as another man. There's enough said about it. Come
+along!'
+
+Taking up his part of the load again, when he had said these words,
+he hurried on so fast that Mr Pecksniff, at the other end of the
+portmanteau, found himself dragged forward, in a very inconvenient and
+ungraceful manner, to the great detriment of what is called by fancy
+gentlemen 'the bark' upon his shins, which were most unmercifully bumped
+against the hard leather and the iron buckles. In the course of a few
+minutes, however, Mr Jonas relaxed his speed, and suffered his companion
+to come up with him, and to bring the portmanteau into a tolerably
+straight position.
+
+It was pretty clear that he regretted his late outbreak, and that he
+mistrusted its effect on Mr Pecksniff; for as often as that gentleman
+glanced towards Mr Jonas, he found Mr Jonas glancing at him, which was
+a new source of embarrassment. It was but a short-lived one, though, for
+Mr Jonas soon began to whistle, whereupon Mr Pecksniff, taking his cue
+from his friend, began to hum a tune melodiously.
+
+'Pretty nearly there, ain't we?' said Jonas, when this had lasted some
+time.
+
+'Close, my dear friend,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'What'll they be doing, do you suppose?' asked Jonas.
+
+'Impossible to say,' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Giddy truants! They may be
+away from home, perhaps. I was going to--he! he! he!--I was going to
+propose,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that we should enter by the back way, and
+come upon them like a clap of thunder, Mr Jonas.'
+
+It might not have been easy to decide in respect of which of their
+manifold properties, Jonas, Mr Pecksniff, the carpet-bag, and the
+portmanteau, could be likened to a clap of thunder. But Mr Jonas giving
+his assent to this proposal, they stole round into the back yard, and
+softly advanced towards the kitchen window, through which the mingled
+light of fire and candle shone upon the darkening night.
+
+Truly Mr Pecksniff is blessed in his children--in one of them, at any
+rate. The prudent Cherry--staff and scrip, and treasure of her doting
+father--there she sits, at a little table white as driven snow, before
+the kitchen fire, making up accounts! See the neat maiden, as with pen
+in hand, and calculating look addressed towards the ceiling and bunch
+of keys within a little basket at her side, she checks the housekeeping
+expenditure! From flat-iron, dish-cover, and warming-pan; from pot and
+kettle, face of brass footman, and black-leaded stove; bright glances
+of approbation wink and glow upon her. The very onions dangling from the
+beam, mantle and shine like cherubs' cheeks. Something of the influence
+of those vegetables sinks into Mr Pecksniff's nature. He weeps.
+
+It is but for a moment, and he hides it from the observation of
+his friend--very carefully--by a somewhat elaborate use of his
+pocket-handkerchief, in fact; for he would not have his weakness known.
+
+'Pleasant,' he murmured, 'pleasant to a father's feelings! My dear girl!
+Shall we let her know we are here, Mr Jonas?'
+
+'Why, I suppose you don't mean to spend the evening in the stable, or
+the coach-house,' he returned.
+
+'That, indeed, is not such hospitality as I would show to YOU, my
+friend,' cried Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand. And then he took a long
+breath, and tapping at the window, shouted with stentorian blandness:
+
+'Boh!'
+
+Cherry dropped her pen and screamed. But innocence is ever bold, or
+should be. As they opened the door, the valiant girl exclaimed in a firm
+voice, and with a presence of mind which even in that trying moment did
+not desert her, 'Who are you? What do you want? Speak! or I will call my
+Pa.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff held out his arms. She knew him instantly, and rushed into
+his fond embrace.
+
+'It was thoughtless of us, Mr Jonas, it was very thoughtless,' said
+Pecksniff, smoothing his daugther's hair. 'My darling, do you see that I
+am not alone!'
+
+Not she. She had seen nothing but her father until now. She saw Mr
+Jonas now, though; and blushed, and hung her head down, as she gave him
+welcome.
+
+But where was Merry? Mr Pecksniff didn't ask the question in reproach,
+but in a vein of mildness touched with a gentle sorrow. She was
+upstairs, reading on the parlour couch. Ah! Domestic details had no
+charms for HER. 'But call her down,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a placid
+resignation. 'Call her down, my love.'
+
+She was called and came, all flushed and tumbled from reposing on the
+sofa; but none the worse for that. No, not at all. Rather the better, if
+anything.
+
+'Oh my goodness me!' cried the arch girl, turning to her cousin when she
+had kissed her father on both cheeks, and in her frolicsome nature had
+bestowed a supernumerary salute upon the tip of his nose, 'YOU here,
+fright! Well, I'm very thankful that you won't trouble ME much!'
+
+'What! you're as lively as ever, are you?' said Jonas. 'Oh! You're a
+wicked one!'
+
+'There, go along!' retorted Merry, pushing him away. 'I'm sure I don't
+know what I shall ever do, if I have to see much of you. Go along, for
+gracious' sake!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff striking in here, with a request that Mr Jonas would
+immediately walk upstairs, he so far complied with the young lady's
+adjuration as to go at once. But though he had the fair Cherry on his
+arm, he could not help looking back at her sister, and exchanging some
+further dialogue of the same bantering description, as they all four
+ascended to the parlour; where--for the young ladies happened, by good
+fortune, to be a little later than usual that night--the tea-board was
+at that moment being set out.
+
+Mr Pinch was not at home, so they had it all to themselves, and were
+very snug and talkative, Jonas sitting between the two sisters, and
+displaying his gallantry in that engaging manner which was peculiar
+to him. It was a hard thing, Mr Pecksniff said, when tea was done,
+and cleared away, to leave so pleasant a little party, but having some
+important papers to examine in his own apartment, he must beg them to
+excuse him for half an hour. With this apology he withdrew, singing
+a careless strain as he went. He had not been gone five minutes, when
+Merry, who had been sitting in the window, apart from Jonas and her
+sister, burst into a half-smothered laugh, and skipped towards the door.
+
+'Hallo!' cried Jonas. 'Don't go.'
+
+'Oh, I dare say!' rejoined Merry, looking back. 'You're very anxious I
+should stay, fright, ain't you?'
+
+'Yes, I am,' said Jonas. 'Upon my word I am. I want to speak to you.'
+But as she left the room notwithstanding, he ran out after her,
+and brought her back, after a short struggle in the passage which
+scandalized Miss Cherry very much.
+
+'Upon my word, Merry,' urged that young lady, 'I wonder at you! There
+are bounds even to absurdity, my dear.'
+
+'Thank you, my sweet,' said Merry, pursing up her rosy Lips. 'Much
+obliged to it for its advice. Oh! do leave me alone, you monster, do!'
+This entreaty was wrung from her by a new proceeding on the part of
+Mr Jonas, who pulled her down, all breathless as she was, into a seat
+beside him on the sofa, having at the same time Miss Cherry upon the
+other side.
+
+'Now,' said Jonas, clasping the waist of each; 'I have got both arms
+full, haven't I?'
+
+'One of them will be black and blue to-morrow, if you don't let me go,'
+cried the playful Merry.
+
+'Ah! I don't mind YOUR pinching,' grinned Jonas, 'a bit.'
+
+'Pinch him for me, Cherry, pray,' said Mercy. 'I never did hate anybody
+so much as I hate this creature, I declare!'
+
+'No, no, don't say that,' urged Jonas, 'and don't pinch either, because
+I want to be serious. I say--Cousin Charity--'
+
+'Well! what?' she answered sharply.
+
+'I want to have some sober talk,' said Jonas; 'I want to prevent any
+mistakes, you know, and to put everything upon a pleasant understanding.
+That's desirable and proper, ain't it?'
+
+Neither of the sisters spoke a word. Mr Jonas paused and cleared his
+throat, which was very dry.
+
+'She'll not believe what I am going to say, will she, cousin?' said
+Jonas, timidly squeezing Miss Charity.
+
+'Really, Mr Jonas, I don't know, until I hear what it is. It's quite
+impossible!'
+
+'Why, you see,' said Jonas, 'her way always being to make game of
+people, I know she'll laugh, or pretend to--I know that, beforehand. But
+you can tell her I'm in earnest, cousin; can't you? You'll confess you
+know, won't you? You'll be honourable, I'm sure,' he added persuasively.
+
+No answer. His throat seemed to grow hotter and hotter, and to be more
+and more difficult of control.
+
+'You see, Cousin Charity,' said Jonas, 'nobody but you can tell her
+what pains I took to get into her company when you were both at the
+boarding-house in the city, because nobody's so well aware of it, you
+know. Nobody else can tell her how hard I tried to get to know you
+better, in order that I might get to know her without seeming to wish
+it; can they? I always asked you about her, and said where had she gone,
+and when would she come, and how lively she was, and all that; didn't I,
+cousin? I know you'll tell her so, if you haven't told her so already,
+and--and--I dare say you have, because I'm sure you're honourable, ain't
+you?'
+
+Still not a word. The right arm of Mr Jonas--the elder sister sat upon
+his right--may have been sensible of some tumultuous throbbing which was
+not within itself; but nothing else apprised him that his words had had
+the least effect.
+
+'Even if you kept it to yourself, and haven't told her,' resumed Jonas,
+'it don't much matter, because you'll bear honest witness now; won't
+you? We've been very good friends from the first; haven't we? and of
+course we shall be quite friends in future, and so I don't mind speaking
+before you a bit. Cousin Mercy, you've heard what I've been saying.
+She'll confirm it, every word; she must. Will you have me for your
+husband? Eh?'
+
+As he released his hold of Charity, to put this question with better
+effect, she started up and hurried away to her own room, marking her
+progress as she went by such a train of passionate and incoherent sound,
+as nothing but a slighted woman in her anger could produce.
+
+'Let me go away. Let me go after her,' said Merry, pushing him off,
+and giving him--to tell the truth--more than one sounding slap upon his
+outstretched face.
+
+'Not till you say yes. You haven't told me. Will you have me for your
+husband?'
+
+'No, I won't. I can't bear the sight of you. I have told you so a
+hundred times. You are a fright. Besides, I always thought you liked my
+sister best. We all thought so.'
+
+'But that wasn't my fault,' said Jonas.
+
+'Yes it was; you know it was.'
+
+'Any trick is fair in love,' said Jonas. 'She may have thought I liked
+her best, but you didn't.'
+
+'I did!'
+
+'No, you didn't. You never could have thought I liked her best, when you
+were by.'
+
+'There's no accounting for tastes,' said Merry; 'at least I didn't mean
+to say that. I don't know what I mean. Let me go to her.'
+
+'Say "Yes," and then I will.'
+
+'If I ever brought myself to say so, it should only be that I might hate
+and tease you all my life.'
+
+'That's as good,' cried Jonas, 'as saying it right out. It's a bargain,
+cousin. We're a pair, if ever there was one.'
+
+This gallant speech was succeeded by a confused noise of kissing and
+slapping; and then the fair but much dishevelled Merry broke away, and
+followed in the footsteps of her sister.
+
+Now whether Mr Pecksniff had been listening--which in one of his
+character appears impossible; or divined almost by inspiration what the
+matter was--which, in a man of his sagacity is far more probable; or
+happened by sheer good fortune to find himself in exactly the
+right place, at precisely the right time--which, under the special
+guardianship in which he lived might very reasonably happen; it is quite
+certain that at the moment when the sisters came together in their own
+room, he appeared at the chamber door. And a marvellous contrast it
+was--they so heated, noisy, and vehement; he so calm, so self-possessed,
+so cool and full of peace, that not a hair upon his head was stirred.
+
+'Children!' said Mr Pecksniff, spreading out his hands in wonder, but
+not before he had shut the door, and set his back against it. 'Girls!
+Daughters! What is this?'
+
+'The wretch; the apostate; the false, mean, odious villain; has before
+my very face proposed to Mercy!' was his eldest daughter's answer.
+
+'Who has proposed to Mercy!' asked Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'HE has. That thing, Jonas, downstairs.'
+
+'Jonas proposed to Mercy?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Aye, aye! Indeed!'
+
+'Have you nothing else to say?' cried Charity. 'Am I to be driven mad,
+papa? He has proposed to Mercy, not to me.'
+
+'Oh, fie! For shame!' said Mr Pecksniff, gravely. 'Oh, for shame! Can
+the triumph of a sister move you to this terrible display, my child? Oh,
+really this is very sad! I am sorry; I am surprised and hurt to see
+you so. Mercy, my girl, bless you! See to her. Ah, envy, envy, what a
+passion you are!'
+
+Uttering this apostrophe in a tone full of grief and lamentation, Mr
+Pecksniff left the room (taking care to shut the door behind him),
+and walked downstairs into the parlour. There he found his intended
+son-in-law, whom he seized by both hands.
+
+'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Jonas! the dearest wish of my heart is now
+fulfilled!'
+
+'Very well; I'm glad to hear it,' said Jonas. 'That'll do. I say! As
+it ain't the one you're so fond of, you must come down with another
+thousand, Pecksniff. You must make it up five. It's worth that, to keep
+your treasure to yourself, you know. You get off very cheap that way,
+and haven't a sacrifice to make.'
+
+The grin with which he accompanied this, set off his other attractions
+to such unspeakable advantage, that even Mr Pecksniff lost his presence
+of mind for a moment, and looked at the young man as if he were quite
+stupefied with wonder and admiration. But he quickly regained his
+composure, and was in the very act of changing the subject, when a hasty
+step was heard without, and Tom Pinch, in a state of great excitement,
+came darting into the room.
+
+On seeing a stranger there, apparently engaged with Mr Pecksniff in
+private conversation, Tom was very much abashed, though he still looked
+as if he had something of great importance to communicate, which would
+be a sufficient apology for his intrusion.
+
+'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, 'this is hardly decent. You will excuse my
+saying that I think your conduct scarcely decent, Mr Pinch.'
+
+'I beg your pardon, sir,' replied Tom, 'for not knocking at the door.'
+
+'Rather beg this gentleman's pardon, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'I know
+you; he does not.--My young man, Mr Jonas.'
+
+The son-in-law that was to be gave him a slight nod--not actively
+disdainful or contemptuous, only passively; for he was in a good humour.
+
+'Could I speak a word with you, sir, if you please?' said Tom. 'It's
+rather pressing.'
+
+'It should be very pressing to justify this strange behaviour, Mr
+Pinch,' returned his master. 'Excuse me for one moment, my dear friend.
+Now, sir, what is the reason of this rough intrusion?'
+
+'I am very sorry, sir, I am sure,' said Tom, standing, cap in hand,
+before his patron in the passage; 'and I know it must have a very rude
+appearance--'
+
+'It HAS a very rude appearance, Mr Pinch.'
+
+'Yes, I feel that, sir; but the truth is, I was so surprised to see
+them, and knew you would be too, that I ran home very fast indeed, and
+really hadn't enough command over myself to know what I was doing very
+well. I was in the church just now, sir, touching the organ for my own
+amusement, when I happened to look round, and saw a gentleman and lady
+standing in the aisle listening. They seemed to be strangers, sir, as
+well as I could make out in the dusk; and I thought I didn't know
+them; so presently I left off, and said, would they walk up into the
+organ-loft, or take a seat? No, they said, they wouldn't do that; but
+they thanked me for the music they had heard. In fact,' observed Tom,
+blushing, 'they said, "Delicious music!" at least, SHE did; and I am
+sure that was a greater pleasure and honour to me than any compliment I
+could have had. I--I--beg your pardon sir;' he was all in a tremble, and
+dropped his hat for the second time 'but I--I'm rather flurried, and I
+fear I've wandered from the point.'
+
+'If you will come back to it, Thomas,' said Mr Pecksniff, with an icy
+look, 'I shall feel obliged.'
+
+'Yes, sir,' returned Tom, 'certainly. They had a posting carriage at the
+porch, sir, and had stopped to hear the organ, they said. And then they
+said--SHE said, I mean, "I believe you live with Mr Pecksniff, sir?" I
+said I had that honour, and I took the liberty, sir,' added Tom, raising
+his eyes to his benefactor's face, 'of saying, as I always will and
+must, with your permission, that I was under great obligations to you,
+and never could express my sense of them sufficiently.'
+
+'That,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'was very, very wrong. Take your time, Mr
+Pinch.'
+
+'Thank you, sir,' cried Tom. 'On that they asked me--she asked, I
+mean--"Wasn't there a bridle road to Mr Pecksniff's house?"'
+
+Mr Pecksniff suddenly became full of interest.
+
+'"Without going by the Dragon?" When I said there was, and said how
+happy I should be to show it 'em, they sent the carriage on by the road,
+and came with me across the meadows. I left 'em at the turnstile to run
+forward and tell you they were coming, and they'll be here, sir, in--in
+less than a minute's time, I should say,' added Tom, fetching his breath
+with difficulty.
+
+'Now, who,' said Mr Pecksniff, pondering, 'who may these people be?'
+
+'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, 'I meant to mention that at first, I
+thought I had. I knew them--her, I mean--directly. The gentleman who
+was ill at the Dragon, sir, last winter; and the young lady who attended
+him.'
+
+Tom's teeth chattered in his head, and he positively staggered with
+amazement, at witnessing the extraordinary effect produced on Mr
+Pecksniff by these simple words. The dread of losing the old man's
+favour almost as soon as they were reconciled, through the mere fact
+of having Jonas in the house; the impossibility of dismissing Jonas,
+or shutting him up, or tying him hand and foot and putting him in
+the coal-cellar, without offending him beyond recall; the horrible
+discordance prevailing in the establishment, and the impossibility of
+reducing it to decent harmony with Charity in loud hysterics, Mercy in
+the utmost disorder, Jonas in the parlour, and Martin Chuzzlewit and his
+young charge upon the very doorsteps; the total hopelessness of being
+able to disguise or feasibly explain this state of rampant confusion;
+the sudden accumulation over his devoted head of every complicated
+perplexity and entanglement for his extrication from which he had
+trusted to time, good fortune, chance, and his own plotting, so filled
+the entrapped architect with dismay, that if Tom could have been a
+Gorgon staring at Mr Pecksniff, and Mr Pecksniff could have been a
+Gorgon staring at Tom, they could not have horrified each other half so
+much as in their own bewildered persons.
+
+'Dear, dear!' cried Tom, 'what have I done? I hoped it would be a
+pleasant surprise, sir. I thought you would like to know.'
+
+But at that moment a loud knocking was heard at the hall door.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
+
+MORE AMERICAN EXPERIENCES, MARTIN TAKES A PARTNER, AND MAKES A PURCHASE.
+SOME ACCOUNT OF EDEN, AS IT APPEARED ON PAPER. ALSO OF THE BRITISH LION.
+ALSO OF THE KIND OF SYMPATHY PROFESSED AND ENTERTAINED BY THE WATERTOAST
+ASSOCIATION OF UNITED SYMPATHISERS
+
+
+The knocking at Mr Pecksniff's door, though loud enough, bore no
+resemblance whatever to the noise of an American railway train at full
+speed. It may be well to begin the present chapter with this frank
+admission, lest the reader should imagine that the sounds now deafening
+this history's ears have any connection with the knocker on Mr
+Pecksniff's door, or with the great amount of agitation pretty equally
+divided between that worthy man and Mr Pinch, of which its strong
+performance was the cause.
+
+Mr Pecksniff's house is more than a thousand leagues away; and again
+this happy chronicle has Liberty and Moral Sensibility for its high
+companions. Again it breathes the blessed air of Independence; again it
+contemplates with pious awe that moral sense which renders unto Ceasar
+nothing that is his; again inhales that sacred atmosphere which was
+the life of him--oh noble patriot, with many followers!--who dreamed of
+Freedom in a slave's embrace, and waking sold her offspring and his own
+in public markets.
+
+How the wheels clank and rattle, and the tram-road shakes, as the train
+rushes on! And now the engine yells, as it were lashed and tortured like
+a living labourer, and writhed in agony. A poor fancy; for steel and
+iron are of infinitely greater account, in this commonwealth, than
+flesh and blood. If the cunning work of man be urged beyond its power of
+endurance, it has within it the elements of its own revenge; whereas
+the wretched mechanism of the Divine Hand is dangerous with no such
+property, but may be tampered with, and crushed, and broken, at the
+driver's pleasure. Look at that engine! It shall cost a man more dollars
+in the way of penalty and fine, and satisfaction of the outraged law,
+to deface in wantonness that senseless mass of metal, than to take the
+lives of twenty human creatures! Thus the stars wink upon the bloody
+stripes; and Liberty pulls down her cap upon her eyes, and owns
+Oppression in its vilest aspect, for her sister.
+
+The engine-driver of the train whose noise awoke us to the present
+chapter was certainly troubled with no such reflections as these; nor is
+it very probable that his mind was disturbed by any reflections at all.
+He leaned with folded arms and crossed legs against the side of the
+carriage, smoking; and, except when he expressed, by a grunt as short as
+his pipe, his approval of some particularly dexterous aim on the part of
+his colleague, the fireman, who beguiled his leisure by throwing logs
+of wood from the tender at the numerous stray cattle on the line, he
+preserved a composure so immovable, and an indifference so complete,
+that if the locomotive had been a sucking-pig, he could not have been
+more perfectly indifferent to its doings. Notwithstanding the tranquil
+state of this officer, and his unbroken peace of mind, the train was
+proceeding with tolerable rapidity; and the rails being but poorly laid,
+the jolts and bumps it met with in its progress were neither slight nor
+few.
+
+There were three great caravans or cars attached. The ladies' car, the
+gentlemen's car, and the car for negroes; the latter painted black, as
+an appropriate compliment to its company. Martin and Mark Tapley were
+in the first, as it was the most comfortable; and, being far from full,
+received other gentlemen who, like them, were unblessed by the society
+of ladies of their own. They were seated side by side, and were engaged
+in earnest conversation.
+
+'And so, Mark,' said Martin, looking at him with an anxious expression,
+'and so you are glad we have left New York far behind us, are you?'
+
+'Yes, sir,' said Mark. 'I am. Precious glad.'
+
+'Were you not "jolly" there?' asked Martin.
+
+'On the contrairy, sir,' returned Mark. 'The jolliest week as ever I
+spent in my life, was that there week at Pawkins's.'
+
+'What do you think of our prospects?' inquired Martin, with an air that
+plainly said he had avoided the question for some time.
+
+'Uncommon bright, sir,' returned Mark. 'Impossible for a place to have
+a better name, sir, than the Walley of Eden. No man couldn't think of
+settling in a better place than the Walley of Eden. And I'm told,' added
+Mark, after a pause, 'as there's lots of serpents there, so we shall
+come out, quite complete and reg'lar.'
+
+So far from dwelling upon this agreeable piece of information with the
+least dismay, Mark's face grew radiant as he called it to mind; so very
+radiant, that a stranger might have supposed he had all his life been
+yearning for the society of serpents, and now hailed with delight the
+approaching consummation of his fondest wishes.
+
+'Who told you that?' asked Martin, sternly.
+
+'A military officer,' said Mark.
+
+'Confound you for a ridiculous fellow!' cried Martin, laughing heartily
+in spite of himself. 'What military officer? You know they spring up in
+every field.'
+
+'As thick as scarecrows in England, sir,' interposed Mark, 'which is a
+sort of milita themselves, being entirely coat and wescoat, with a stick
+inside. Ha, ha!--Don't mind me, sir; it's my way sometimes. I can't help
+being jolly. Why it was one of them inwading conquerors at Pawkins's, as
+told me. "Am I rightly informed," he says--not exactly through his nose,
+but as if he'd got a stoppage in it, very high up--"that you're a-going
+to the Walley of Eden?" "I heard some talk on it," I told him. "Oh!"
+says he, "if you should ever happen to go to bed there--you MAY, you
+know," he says, "in course of time as civilisation progresses--don't
+forget to take a axe with you." I looks at him tolerable hard. "Fleas?"
+says I. "And more," says he. "Wampires?" says I. "And more," says he.
+"Musquitoes, perhaps?" says I. "And more," says he. "What more?" says
+I. "Snakes more," says he; "rattle-snakes. You're right to a certain
+extent, stranger. There air some catawampous chawers in the small way
+too, as graze upon a human pretty strong; but don't mind THEM--they're
+company. It's snakes," he says, "as you'll object to; and whenever you
+wake and see one in a upright poster on your bed," he says, "like a
+corkscrew with the handle off a-sittin' on its bottom ring, cut him
+down, for he means wenom."'
+
+'Why didn't you tell me this before!' cried Martin, with an expression
+of face which set off the cheerfulness of Mark's visage to great
+advantage.
+
+'I never thought on it, sir,' said Mark. 'It come in at one ear, and
+went out at the other. But Lord love us, he was one of another Company,
+I dare say, and only made up the story that we might go to his Eden, and
+not the opposition one.'
+
+'There's some probability in that,' observed Martin. 'I can honestly say
+that I hope so, with all my heart.'
+
+'I've not a doubt about it, sir,' returned Mark, who, full of the
+inspiriting influence of the anecodote upon himself, had for the moment
+forgotten its probable effect upon his master; 'anyhow, we must live,
+you know, sir.'
+
+'Live!' cried Martin. 'Yes, it's easy to say live; but if we should
+happen not to wake when rattlesnakes are making corkscrews of themselves
+upon our beds, it may be not so easy to do it.'
+
+'And that's a fact,' said a voice so close in his ear that it tickled
+him. 'That's dreadful true.'
+
+Martin looked round, and found that a gentleman, on the seat behind, had
+thrust his head between himself and Mark, and sat with his chin resting
+on the back rail of their little bench, entertaining himself with their
+conversation. He was as languid and listless in his looks as most of the
+gentlemen they had seen; his cheeks were so hollow that he seemed to be
+always sucking them in; and the sun had burnt him, not a wholesome red
+or brown, but dirty yellow. He had bright dark eyes, which he kept half
+closed; only peeping out of the corners, and even then with a glance
+that seemed to say, 'Now you won't overreach me; you want to, but you
+won't.' His arms rested carelessly on his knees as he leant forward;
+in the palm of his left hand, as English rustics have their slice of
+cheese, he had a cake of tobacco; in his right a penknife. He struck
+into the dialogue with as little reserve as if he had been specially
+called in, days before, to hear the arguments on both sides, and favour
+them with his opinion; and he no more contemplated or cared for the
+possibility of their not desiring the honour of his acquaintance or
+interference in their private affairs than if he had been a bear or a
+buffalo.
+
+'That,' he repeated, nodding condescendingly to Martin, as to an outer
+barbarian and foreigner, 'is dreadful true. Darn all manner of vermin.'
+
+Martin could not help frowning for a moment, as if he were disposed to
+insinuate that the gentleman had unconsciously 'darned' himself. But
+remembering the wisdom of doing at Rome as Romans do, he smiled with the
+pleasantest expression he could assume upon so short a notice.
+
+Their new friend said no more just then, being busily employed in
+cutting a quid or plug from his cake of tobacco, and whistling softly to
+himself the while. When he had shaped it to his liking, he took out his
+old plug, and deposited the same on the back of the seat between Mark
+and Martin, while he thrust the new one into the hollow of his cheek,
+where it looked like a large walnut, or tolerable pippin. Finding it
+quite satisfactory, he stuck the point of his knife into the old plug,
+and holding it out for their inspection, remarked with the air of a man
+who had not lived in vain, that it was 'used up considerable.' Then
+he tossed it away; put his knife into one pocket and his tobacco into
+another; rested his chin upon the rail as before; and approving of the
+pattern on Martin's waistcoat, reached out his hand to feel the texture
+of that garment.
+
+'What do you call this now?' he asked.
+
+'Upon my word' said Martin, 'I don't know what it's called.'
+
+'It'll cost a dollar or more a yard, I reckon?'
+
+'I really don't know.'
+
+'In my country,' said the gentleman, 'we know the cost of our own
+pro-duce.'
+
+Martin not discussing the question, there was a pause.
+
+'Well!' resumed their new friend, after staring at them intently during
+the whole interval of silence; 'how's the unnat'ral old parent by this
+time?'
+
+Mr Tapley regarding this inquiry as only another version of the
+impertinent English question, 'How's your mother?' would have resented
+it instantly, but for Martin's prompt interposition.
+
+'You mean the old country?' he said.
+
+'Ah!' was the reply. 'How's she? Progressing back'ards, I expect, as
+usual? Well! How's Queen Victoria?'
+
+'In good health, I believe,' said Martin.
+
+'Queen Victoria won't shake in her royal shoes at all, when she hears
+to-morrow named,' observed the stranger, 'No.'
+
+'Not that I am aware of. Why should she?'
+
+'She won't be taken with a cold chill, when she realises what is being
+done in these diggings,' said the stranger. 'No.'
+
+'No,' said Martin. 'I think I could take my oath of that.'
+
+The strange gentleman looked at him as if in pity for his ignorance or
+prejudice, and said:
+
+'Well, sir, I tell you this--there ain't a engine with its biler
+bust, in God A'mighty's free U-nited States, so fixed, and nipped,
+and frizzled to a most e-tarnal smash, as that young critter, in her
+luxurious location in the Tower of London will be, when she reads the
+next double-extra Watertoast Gazette.'
+
+Several other gentlemen had left their seats and gathered round during
+the foregoing dialogue. They were highly delighted with this speech. One
+very lank gentleman, in a loose limp white cravat, long white waistcoat,
+and a black great-coat, who seemed to be in authority among them, felt
+called upon to acknowledge it.
+
+'Hem! Mr La Fayette Kettle,' he said, taking off his hat.
+
+There was a grave murmur of 'Hush!'
+
+'Mr La Fayette Kettle! Sir!'
+
+Mr Kettle bowed.
+
+'In the name of this company, sir, and in the name of our common
+country, and in the name of that righteous cause of holy sympathy in
+which we are engaged, I thank you. I thank you, sir, in the name of
+the Watertoast Sympathisers; and I thank you, sir, in the name of
+the Watertoast Gazette; and I thank you, sir, in the name of the
+star-spangled banner of the Great United States, for your eloquent and
+categorical exposition. And if, sir,' said the speaker, poking Martin
+with the handle of his umbrella to bespeak his attention, for he was
+listening to a whisper from Mark; 'if, sir, in such a place, and at such
+a time, I might venture to con-clude with a sentiment, glancing--however
+slantin'dicularly--at the subject in hand, I would say, sir, may
+the British Lion have his talons eradicated by the noble bill of the
+American Eagle, and be taught to play upon the Irish Harp and the Scotch
+Fiddle that music which is breathed in every empty shell that lies upon
+the shores of green Co-lumbia!'
+
+Here the lank gentleman sat down again, amidst a great sensation; and
+every one looked very grave.
+
+'General Choke,' said Mr La Fayette Kettle, 'you warm my heart; sir, you
+warm my heart. But the British Lion is not unrepresented here, sir; and
+I should be glad to hear his answer to those remarks.'
+
+'Upon my word,' cried Martin, laughing, 'since you do me the honour to
+consider me his representative, I have only to say that I never heard
+of Queen Victoria reading the What's-his-name Gazette and that I should
+scarcely think it probable.'
+
+General Choke smiled upon the rest, and said, in patient and benignant
+explanation:
+
+'It is sent to her, sir. It is sent to her. Her mail.'
+
+'But if it is addressed to the Tower of London, it would hardly come to
+hand, I fear,' returned Martin; 'for she don't live there.'
+
+'The Queen of England, gentlemen,' observed Mr Tapley, affecting the
+greatest politeness, and regarding them with an immovable face, 'usually
+lives in the Mint to take care of the money. She HAS lodgings, in virtue
+of her office, with the Lord Mayor at the Mansion House; but don't often
+occupy them, in consequence of the parlour chimney smoking.'
+
+'Mark,' said Martin, 'I shall be very much obliged to you if you'll
+have the goodness not to interfere with preposterous statements, however
+jocose they may appear to you. I was merely remarking gentlemen--though
+it's a point of very little import--that the Queen of England does not
+happen to live in the Tower of London.'
+
+'General!' cried Mr La Fayette Kettle. 'You hear?'
+
+'General!' echoed several others. 'General!'
+
+'Hush! Pray, silence!' said General Choke, holding up his hand, and
+speaking with a patient and complacent benevolence that was quite
+touching. 'I have always remarked it as a very extraordinary
+circumstance, which I impute to the natur' of British Institutions and
+their tendency to suppress that popular inquiry and information which
+air so widely diffused even in the trackless forests of this vast
+Continent of the Western Ocean; that the knowledge of Britishers
+themselves on such points is not to be compared with that possessed
+by our intelligent and locomotive citizens. This is interesting, and
+confirms my observation. When you say, sir,' he continued, addressing
+Martin, 'that your Queen does not reside in the Tower of London, you
+fall into an error, not uncommon to your countrymen, even when their
+abilities and moral elements air such as to command respect. But, sir,
+you air wrong. She DOES live there--'
+
+'When she is at the Court of Saint James's,' interposed Kettle.
+
+'When she is at the Court of Saint James's, of course,' returned the
+General, in the same benignant way; 'for if her location was in Windsor
+Pavilion it couldn't be in London at the same time. Your Tower of
+London, sir,' pursued the General, smiling with a mild consciousness of
+his knowledge, 'is nat'rally your royal residence. Being located in
+the immediate neighbourhood of your Parks, your Drives, your Triumphant
+Arches, your Opera, and your Royal Almacks, it nat'rally suggests
+itself as the place for holding a luxurious and thoughtless court.
+And, consequently,' said the General, 'consequently, the court is held
+there.'
+
+'Have you been in England?' asked Martin.
+
+'In print I have, sir,' said the General, 'not otherwise. We air a
+reading people here, sir. You will meet with much information among us
+that will surprise you, sir.'
+
+'I have not the least doubt of it,' returned Martin. But here he was
+interrupted by Mr La Fayette Kettle, who whispered in his ear:
+
+'You know General Choke?'
+
+'No,' returned Martin, in the same tone.
+
+'You know what he is considered?'
+
+'One of the most remarkable men in the country?' said Martin, at a
+venture.
+
+'That's a fact,' rejoined Kettle. 'I was sure you must have heard of
+him!'
+
+'I think,' said Martin, addressing himself to the General again, 'that
+I have the pleasure of being the bearer of a letter of introduction to
+you, sir. From Mr Bevan, of Massachusetts,' he added, giving it to him.
+
+The General took it and read it attentively; now and then stopping to
+glance at the two strangers. When he had finished the note, he came over
+to Martin, sat down by him, and shook hands.
+
+'Well!' he said, 'and you think of settling in Eden?'
+
+'Subject to your opinion, and the agent's advice,' replied Martin. 'I am
+told there is nothing to be done in the old towns.'
+
+'I can introduce you to the agent, sir,' said the General. 'I know him.
+In fact, I am a member of the Eden Land Corporation myself.'
+
+This was serious news to Martin, for his friend had laid great stress
+upon the General's having no connection, as he thought, with any land
+company, and therefore being likely to give him disinterested advice.
+The General explained that he had joined the Corporation only a few
+weeks ago, and that no communication had passed between himself and Mr
+Bevan since.
+
+'We have very little to venture,' said Martin anxiously--'only a
+few pounds--but it is our all. Now, do you think that for one of my
+profession, this would be a speculation with any hope or chance in it?'
+
+'Well,' observed the General, gravely, 'if there wasn't any hope or
+chance in the speculation, it wouldn't have engaged my dollars, I
+opinionate.'
+
+'I don't mean for the sellers,' said Martin. 'For the buyers--for the
+buyers!'
+
+'For the buyers, sir?' observed the General, in a most impressive
+manner. 'Well! you come from an old country; from a country, sir, that
+has piled up golden calves as high as Babel, and worshipped 'em for
+ages. We are a new country, sir; man is in a more primeval state here,
+sir; we have not the excuse of having lapsed in the slow course of time
+into degenerate practices; we have no false gods; man, sir, here, is man
+in all his dignity. We fought for that or nothing. Here am I, sir,'
+said the General, setting up his umbrella to represent himself, and a
+villanous-looking umbrella it was; a very bad counter to stand for the
+sterling coin of his benevolence, 'here am I with grey hairs sir, and
+a moral sense. Would I, with my principles, invest capital in this
+speculation if I didn't think it full of hopes and chances for my
+brother man?'
+
+Martin tried to look convinced, but he thought of New York, and found it
+difficult.
+
+'What are the Great United States for, sir,' pursued the General 'if not
+for the regeneration of man? But it is nat'ral in you to make such an
+enquerry, for you come from England, and you do not know my country.'
+
+'Then you think,' said Martin, 'that allowing for the hardships we are
+prepared to undergo, there is a reasonable--Heaven knows we don't expect
+much--a reasonable opening in this place?'
+
+'A reasonable opening in Eden, sir! But see the agent, see the agent;
+see the maps and plans, sir; and conclude to go or stay, according to
+the natur' of the settlement. Eden hadn't need to go a-begging yet,
+sir,' remarked the General.
+
+'It is an awful lovely place, sure-ly. And frightful wholesome,
+likewise!' said Mr Kettle, who had made himself a party to this
+conversation as a matter of course.
+
+Martin felt that to dispute such testimony, for no better reason
+than because he had his secret misgivings on the subject, would be
+ungentlemanly and indecent. So he thanked the General for his promise to
+put him in personal communication with the agent; and 'concluded' to see
+that officer next morning. He then begged the General to inform him who
+the Watertoast Sympathisers were, of whom he had spoken in addressing Mr
+La Fayette Kettle, and on what grievances they bestowed their Sympathy.
+To which the General, looking very serious, made answer, that he might
+fully enlighten himself on those points to-morrow by attending a Great
+Meeting of the Body, which would then be held at the town to which
+they were travelling; 'over which, sir,' said the General, 'my
+fellow-citizens have called on me to preside.'
+
+They came to their journey's end late in the evening. Close to the
+railway was an immense white edifice, like an ugly hospital, on which
+was painted 'NATIONAL HOTEL.' There was a wooden gallery or verandah
+in front, in which it was rather startling, when the train stopped, to
+behold a great many pairs of boots and shoes, and the smoke of a
+great many cigars, but no other evidences of human habitation. By slow
+degrees, however, some heads and shoulders appeared, and connecting
+themselves with the boots and shoes, led to the discovery that certain
+gentlemen boarders, who had a fancy for putting their heels where the
+gentlemen boarders in other countries usually put their heads, were
+enjoying themselves after their own manner in the cool of the evening.
+
+There was a great bar-room in this hotel, and a great public room
+in which the general table was being set out for supper. There were
+interminable whitewashed staircases, long whitewashed galleries upstairs
+and downstairs, scores of little whitewashed bedrooms, and a four-sided
+verandah to every story in the house, which formed a large brick square
+with an uncomfortable courtyard in the centre, where some clothes were
+drying. Here and there, some yawning gentlemen lounged up and down with
+their hands in their pockets; but within the house and without, wherever
+half a dozen people were collected together, there, in their looks,
+dress, morals, manners, habits, intellect, and conversation, were Mr
+Jefferson Brick, Colonel Diver, Major Pawkins, General Choke, and Mr
+La Fayette Kettle, over, and over, and over again. They did the same
+things; said the same things; judged all subjects by, and reduced all
+subjects to, the same standard. Observing how they lived, and how they
+were always in the enchanting company of each other, Martin even began
+to comprehend their being the social, cheerful, winning, airy men they
+were.
+
+At the sounding of a dismal gong, this pleasant company went trooping
+down from all parts of the house to the public room; while from the
+neighbouring stores other guests came flocking in, in shoals; for half
+the town, married folks as well as single, resided at the National
+Hotel. Tea, coffee, dried meats, tongue, ham, pickles, cake, toast,
+preserves, and bread and butter, were swallowed with the usual ravaging
+speed; and then, as before, the company dropped off by degrees, and
+lounged away to the desk, the counter, or the bar-room. The ladies had a
+smaller ordinary of their own, to which their husbands and brothers
+were admitted if they chose; and in all other respects they enjoyed
+themselves as at Pawkins's.
+
+'Now, Mark, my good fellow, said Martin, closing the door of his
+little chamber, 'we must hold a solemn council, for our fate is decided
+to-morrow morning. You are determined to invest these savings of yours
+in the common stock, are you?'
+
+'If I hadn't been determined to make that wentur, sir,' answered Mr
+Tapley, 'I shouldn't have come.'
+
+'How much is there here, did you say' asked Martin, holding up a little
+bag.
+
+'Thirty-seven pound ten and sixpence. The Savings' Bank said so at
+least. I never counted it. But THEY know, bless you!' said Mark, with a
+shake of the head expressive of his unbounded confidence in the wisdom
+and arithmetic of those Institutions.
+
+'The money we brought with us,' said Martin, 'is reduced to a few
+shillings less than eight pounds.'
+
+Mr Tapley smiled, and looked all manner of ways, that he might not be
+supposed to attach any importance to this fact.
+
+'Upon the ring--HER ring, Mark,' said Martin, looking ruefully at his
+empty finger--
+
+'Ah!' sighed Mr Tapley. 'Beg your pardon, sir.'
+
+'--We raised, in English money, fourteen pounds. So, even with that,
+your share of the stock is still very much the larger of the two you
+see. Now, Mark,' said Martin, in his old way, just as he might have
+spoken to Tom Pinch, 'I have thought of a means of making this up
+to you--more than making it up to you, I hope--and very materially
+elevating your prospects in life.'
+
+'Oh! don't talk of that, you know, sir,' returned Mark. 'I don't want no
+elevating, sir. I'm all right enough, sir, I am.'
+
+'No, but hear me,' said Martin, 'because this is very important to you,
+and a great satisfaction to me. Mark, you shall be a partner in the
+business; an equal partner with myself. I will put in, as my additional
+capital, my professional knowledge and ability; and half the annual
+profits, as long as it is carried on, shall be yours.'
+
+Poor Martin! For ever building castles in the air. For ever, in his very
+selfishness, forgetful of all but his own teeming hopes and sanguine
+plans. Swelling, at that instant, with the consciousness of patronizing
+and most munificently rewarding Mark!
+
+'I don't know, sir,' Mark rejoined, much more sadly than his custom was,
+though from a very different cause than Martin supposed, 'what I can say
+to this, in the way of thanking you. I'll stand by you, sir, to the best
+of my ability, and to the last. That's all.'
+
+'We quite understand each other, my good fellow,' said Martin rising in
+self-approval and condescension. 'We are no longer master and servant,
+but friends and partners; and are mutually gratified. If we determine on
+Eden, the business shall be commenced as soon as we get there. Under the
+name,' said Martin, who never hammered upon an idea that wasn't red hot,
+'under the name of Chuzzlewit and Tapley.'
+
+'Lord love you, sir,' cried Mark, 'don't have my name in it. I ain't
+acquainted with the business, sir. I must be Co., I must. I've often
+thought,' he added, in a low voice, 'as I should like to know a Co.; but
+I little thought as ever I should live to be one.'
+
+'You shall have your own way, Mark.'
+
+'Thank'ee, sir. If any country gentleman thereabouts, in the public way,
+or otherwise, wanted such a thing as a skittle-ground made, I could take
+that part of the bis'ness, sir.'
+
+'Against any architect in the States,' said Martin. 'Get a couple of
+sherry-cobblers, Mark, and we'll drink success to the firm.'
+
+Either he forgot already (and often afterwards), that they were no
+longer master and servant, or considered this kind of duty to be among
+the legitimate functions of the Co. But Mark obeyed with his usual
+alacrity; and before they parted for the night, it was agreed between
+them that they should go together to the agent's in the morning, but
+that Martin should decide the Eden question, on his own sound judgment.
+And Mark made no merit, even to himself in his jollity, of this
+concession; perfectly well knowing that the matter would come to that in
+the end, any way.
+
+The General was one of the party at the public table next day, and after
+breakfast suggested that they should wait upon the agent without loss of
+time. They, desiring nothing more, agreed; so off they all four
+started for the office of the Eden Settlement, which was almost within
+rifle-shot of the National Hotel.
+
+It was a small place--something like a turnpike. But a great deal of
+land may be got into a dice-box, and why may not a whole territory be
+bargained for in a shed? It was but a temporary office too; for the
+Edeners were 'going' to build a superb establishment for the transaction
+of their business, and had already got so far as to mark out the site.
+Which is a great way in America. The office-door was wide open, and in
+the doorway was the agent; no doubt a tremendous fellow to get through
+his work, for he seemed to have no arrears, but was swinging backwards
+and forwards in a rocking-chair, with one of his legs planted high up
+against the door-post, and the other doubled up under him, as if he were
+hatching his foot.
+
+He was a gaunt man in a huge straw hat, and a coat of green stuff. The
+weather being hot, he had no cravat, and wore his shirt collar wide
+open; so that every time he spoke something was seen to twitch and jerk
+up in his throat, like the little hammers in a harpsichord when the
+notes are struck. Perhaps it was the Truth feebly endeavouring to leap
+to his lips. If so, it never reached them.
+
+Two grey eyes lurked deep within this agent's head, but one of them had
+no sight in it, and stood stock still. With that side of his face he
+seemed to listen to what the other side was doing. Thus each profile had
+a distinct expression; and when the movable side was most in action, the
+rigid one was in its coldest state of watchfulness. It was like
+turning the man inside out, to pass to that view of his features in his
+liveliest mood, and see how calculating and intent they were.
+
+Each long black hair upon his head hung down as straight as any plummet
+line; but rumpled tufts were on the arches of his eyes, as if the crow
+whose foot was deeply printed in the corners had pecked and torn them in
+a savage recognition of his kindred nature as a bird of prey.
+
+Such was the man whom they now approached, and whom the General saluted
+by the name of Scadder.
+
+'Well, Gen'ral,' he returned, 'and how are you?'
+
+'Ac-tive and spry, sir, in my country's service and the sympathetic
+cause. Two gentlemen on business, Mr Scadder.'
+
+He shook hands with each of them--nothing is done in America without
+shaking hands--then went on rocking.
+
+'I think I know what bis'ness you have brought these strangers here
+upon, then, Gen'ral?'
+
+'Well, sir. I expect you may.'
+
+'You air a tongue-y person, Gen'ral. For you talk too much, and that's
+fact,' said Scadder. 'You speak a-larming well in public, but you didn't
+ought to go ahead so fast in private. Now!'
+
+'If I can realise your meaning, ride me on a rail!' returned the
+General, after pausing for consideration.
+
+'You know we didn't wish to sell the lots off right away to any loafer
+as might bid,' said Scadder; 'but had con-cluded to reserve 'em for
+Aristocrats of Natur'. Yes!'
+
+'And they are here, sir!' cried the General with warmth. 'They are here,
+sir!'
+
+'If they air here,' returned the agent, in reproachful accents, 'that's
+enough. But you didn't ought to have your dander ris with ME, Gen'ral.'
+
+The General whispered Martin that Scadder was the honestest fellow in
+the world, and that he wouldn't have given him offence designedly, for
+ten thousand dollars.
+
+'I do my duty; and I raise the dander of my feller critters, as I
+wish to serve,' said Scadder in a low voice, looking down the road
+and rocking still. 'They rile up rough, along of my objecting to their
+selling Eden off too cheap. That's human natur'! Well!'
+
+'Mr Scadder,' said the General, assuming his oratorical deportment.
+'Sir! Here is my hand, and here my heart. I esteem you, sir, and ask
+your pardon. These gentlemen air friends of mine, or I would not have
+brought 'em here, sir, being well aware, sir, that the lots at present
+go entirely too cheap. But these air friends, sir; these air partick'ler
+friends.'
+
+Mr Scadder was so satisfied by this explanation, that he shook the
+General warmly by the hand, and got out of the rocking-chair to do it.
+He then invited the General's particular friends to accompany him into
+the office. As to the General, he observed, with his usual benevolence,
+that being one of the company, he wouldn't interfere in the transaction
+on any account; so he appropriated the rocking-chair to himself, and
+looked at the prospect, like a good Samaritan waiting for a traveller.
+
+'Heyday!' cried Martin, as his eye rested on a great plan which occupied
+one whole side of the office. Indeed, the office had little else in it,
+but some geological and botanical specimens, one or two rusty ledgers, a
+homely desk, and a stool. 'Heyday! what's that?'
+
+'That's Eden,' said Scadder, picking his teeth with a sort of young
+bayonet that flew out of his knife when he touched a spring.
+
+'Why, I had no idea it was a city.'
+
+'Hadn't you? Oh, it's a city.'
+
+A flourishing city, too! An architectural city! There were banks,
+churches, cathedrals, market-places, factories, hotels, stores,
+mansions, wharves; an exchange, a theatre; public buildings of all
+kinds, down to the office of the Eden Stinger, a daily journal; all
+faithfully depicted in the view before them.
+
+'Dear me! It's really a most important place!' cried Martin turning
+round.
+
+'Oh! it's very important,' observed the agent.
+
+'But, I am afraid,' said Martin, glancing again at the Public Buildings,
+'that there's nothing left for me to do.'
+
+'Well! it ain't all built,' replied the agent. 'Not quite.'
+
+This was a great relief.
+
+'The market-place, now,' said Martin. 'Is that built?'
+
+'That?' said the agent, sticking his toothpick into the weathercock on
+the top. 'Let me see. No; that ain't built.'
+
+'Rather a good job to begin with--eh, Mark?' whispered Martin nudging
+him with his elbow.
+
+Mark, who, with a very stolid countenance had been eyeing the plan and
+the agent by turns, merely rejoined 'Uncommon!'
+
+A dead silence ensued, Mr Scadder in some short recesses or vacations of
+his toothpick, whistled a few bars of Yankee Doodle, and blew the dust
+off the roof of the Theatre.
+
+'I suppose,' said Martin, feigning to look more narrowly at the plan,
+but showing by his tremulous voice how much depended, in his mind, upon
+the answer; 'I suppose there are--several architects there?'
+
+'There ain't a single one,' said Scadder.
+
+'Mark,' whispered Martin, pulling him by the sleeve, 'do you hear that?
+But whose work is all this before us, then?' he asked aloud.
+
+'The soil being very fruitful, public buildings grows spontaneous,
+perhaps,' said Mark.
+
+He was on the agent's dark side as he said it; but Scadder instantly
+changed his place, and brought his active eye to bear upon him.
+
+'Feel of my hands, young man,' he said.
+
+'What for?' asked Mark, declining.
+
+'Air they dirty, or air they clean, sir?' said Scadder, holding them
+out.
+
+In a physical point of view they were decidedly dirty. But it being
+obvious that Mr Scadder offered them for examination in a figurative
+sense, as emblems of his moral character, Martin hastened to pronounce
+them pure as the driven snow.
+
+'I entreat, Mark,' he said, with some irritation, 'that you will
+not obtrude remarks of that nature, which, however harmless and
+well-intentioned, are quite out of place, and cannot be expected to be
+very agreeable to strangers. I am quite surprised.'
+
+'The Co.'s a-putting his foot in it already,' thought Mark. 'He must be
+a sleeping partner--fast asleep and snoring--Co. must; I see.'
+
+Mr Scadder said nothing, but he set his back against the plan, and
+thrust his toothpick into the desk some twenty times; looking at Mark
+all the while as if he were stabbing him in effigy.
+
+'You haven't said whose work it is,' Martin ventured to observe at
+length, in a tone of mild propitiation.
+
+'Well, never mind whose work it is, or isn't,' said the agent sulkily.
+'No matter how it did eventuate. P'raps he cleared off, handsome, with a
+heap of dollars; p'raps he wasn't worth a cent. P'raps he was a loafin'
+rowdy; p'raps a ring-tailed roarer. Now!'
+
+'All your doing, Mark!' said Martin.
+
+'P'raps,' pursued the agent, 'them ain't plants of Eden's raising. No!
+P'raps that desk and stool ain't made from Eden lumber. No! P'raps no
+end of squatters ain't gone out there. No! P'raps there ain't no such
+location in the territoary of the Great U-nited States. Oh, no!'
+
+'I hope you're satisfied with the success of your joke, Mark,' said
+Martin.
+
+But here, at a most opportune and happy time, the General interposed,
+and called out to Scadder from the doorway to give his friends the
+particulars of that little lot of fifty acres with the house upon it;
+which, having belonged to the company formerly, had lately lapsed again
+into their hands.
+
+'You air a deal too open-handed, Gen'ral,' was the answer. 'It is a lot
+as should be rose in price. It is.'
+
+He grumblingly opened his books notwithstanding, and always keeping his
+bright side towards Mark, no matter at what amount of inconvenience
+to himself, displayed a certain leaf for their perusal. Martin read it
+greedily, and then inquired:
+
+'Now where upon the plan may this place be?'
+
+'Upon the plan?' said Scadder.
+
+'Yes.'
+
+He turned towards it, and reflected for a short time, as if, having
+been put upon his mettle, he was resolved to be particular to the
+very minutest hair's breadth of a shade. At length, after wheeling his
+toothpick slowly round and round in the air, as if it were a carrier
+pigeon just thrown up, he suddenly made a dart at the drawing, and
+pierced the very centre of the main wharf, through and through.
+
+'There!' he said, leaving his knife quivering in the wall; 'that's where
+it is!'
+
+Martin glanced with sparkling eyes upon his Co., and his Co. saw that
+the thing was done.
+
+The bargain was not concluded as easily as might have been expected
+though, for Scadder was caustic and ill-humoured, and cast much
+unnecessary opposition in the way; at one time requesting them to think
+of it, and call again in a week or a fortnight; at another, predicting
+that they wouldn't like it; at another, offering to retract and let them
+off, and muttering strong imprecations upon the folly of the General.
+But the whole of the astoundingly small sum total of purchase-money--it
+was only one hundred and fifty dollars, or something more than thirty
+pounds of the capital brought by Co. into the architectural concern--was
+ultimately paid down; and Martin's head was two inches nearer the roof
+of the little wooden office, with the consciousness of being a landed
+proprietor in the thriving city of Eden.
+
+'If it shouldn't happen to fit,' said Scadder, as he gave Martin the
+necessary credentials on recepit of his money, 'don't blame me.'
+
+'No, no,' he replied merrily. 'We'll not blame you. General, are you
+going?'
+
+'I am at your service, sir; and I wish you,' said the General, giving
+him his hand with grave cordiality, 'joy of your po-ssession. You air
+now, sir, a denizen of the most powerful and highly-civilised dominion
+that has ever graced the world; a do-minion, sir, where man is bound to
+man in one vast bond of equal love and truth. May you, sir, be worthy of
+your a-dopted country!'
+
+Martin thanked him, and took leave of Mr Scadder; who had resumed his
+post in the rocking-chair, immediately on the General's rising from it,
+and was once more swinging away as if he had never been disturbed.
+Mark looked back several times as they went down the road towards the
+National Hotel, but now his blighted profile was towards them, and
+nothing but attentive thoughtfulness was written on it. Strangely
+different to the other side! He was not a man much given to laughing,
+and never laughed outright; but every line in the print of the crow's
+foot, and every little wiry vein in that division of his head, was
+wrinkled up into a grin! The compound figure of Death and the Lady at
+the top of the old ballad was not divided with a greater nicety, and
+hadn't halves more monstrously unlike each other, than the two profiles
+of Zephaniah Scadder.
+
+The General posted along at a great rate, for the clock was on the
+stroke of twelve; and at that hour precisely, the Great Meeting of
+the Watertoast Sympathisers was to be holden in the public room of the
+National Hotel. Being very curious to witness the demonstration, and
+know what it was all about, Martin kept close to the General; and,
+keeping closer than ever when they entered the Hall, got by that means
+upon a little platform of tables at the upper end; where an armchair was
+set for the General, and Mr La Fayette Kettle, as secretary, was making
+a great display of some foolscap documents. Screamers, no doubt.
+
+'Well, sir!' he said, as he shook hands with Martin, 'here is a
+spectacle calc'lated to make the British Lion put his tail between his
+legs, and howl with anguish, I expect!'
+
+Martin certainly thought it possible that the British Lion might have
+been rather out of his element in that Ark; but he kept the idea to
+himself. The General was then voted to the chair, on the motion of a
+pallid lad of the Jefferson Brick school; who forthwith set in for a
+high-spiced speech, with a good deal about hearths and homes in it, and
+unriveting the chains of Tyranny.
+
+Oh but it was a clincher for the British Lion, it was! The indignation
+of the glowing young Columbian knew no bounds. If he could only have
+been one of his own forefathers, he said, wouldn't he have peppered
+that same Lion, and been to him as another Brute Tamer with a wire whip,
+teaching him lessons not easily forgotten. 'Lion! (cried that young
+Columbian) where is he? Who is he? What is he? Show him to me. Let me
+have him here. Here!' said the young Columbian, in a wrestling attitude,
+'upon this sacred altar. Here!' cried the young Columbian, idealising
+the dining-table, 'upon ancestral ashes, cemented with the glorious
+blood poured out like water on our native plains of Chickabiddy Lick!
+Bring forth that Lion!' said the young Columbian. 'Alone, I dare him! I
+taunt that Lion. I tell that Lion, that Freedom's hand once twisted
+in his mane, he rolls a corse before me, and the Eagles of the Great
+Republic laugh ha, ha!'
+
+When it was found that the Lion didn't come, but kept out of the way;
+that the young Columbian stood there, with folded arms, alone in his
+glory; and consequently that the Eagles were no doubt laughing wildly on
+the mountain tops; such cheers arose as might have shaken the hands upon
+the Horse-Guards' clock, and changed the very mean time of the day in
+England's capital.
+
+'Who is this?' Martin telegraphed to La Fayette.
+
+The Secretary wrote something, very gravely, on a piece of paper,
+twisted it up, and had it passed to him from hand to hand. It was an
+improvement on the old sentiment: 'Perhaps as remarkable a man as any in
+our country.'
+
+This young Columbian was succeeded by another, to the full as eloquent
+as he, who drew down storms of cheers. But both remarkable youths,
+in their great excitement (for your true poetry can never stoop to
+details), forgot to say with whom or what the Watertoasters sympathized,
+and likewise why or wherefore they were sympathetic. Thus Martin
+remained for a long time as completely in the dark as ever; until
+at length a ray of light broke in upon him through the medium of the
+Secretary, who, by reading the minutes of their past proceedings,
+made the matter somewhat clearer. He then learned that the Watertoast
+Association sympathized with a certain Public Man in Ireland, who held a
+contest upon certain points with England; and that they did so, because
+they didn't love England at all--not by any means because they loved
+Ireland much; being indeed horribly jealous and distrustful of its
+people always, and only tolerating them because of their working hard,
+which made them very useful; labour being held in greater indignity in
+the simple republic than in any other country upon earth. This
+rendered Martin curious to see what grounds of sympathy the Watertoast
+Association put forth; nor was he long in suspense, for the General
+rose to read a letter to the Public Man, which with his own hands he had
+written.
+
+'Thus,' said the General, 'thus, my friends and fellow-citizens, it
+runs:
+
+
+'"SIR--I address you on behalf of the Watertoast Association of United
+Sympathisers. It is founded, sir, in the great republic of America! and
+now holds its breath, and swells the blue veins in its forehead nigh to
+bursting, as it watches, sir, with feverish intensity and sympathetic
+ardour, your noble efforts in the cause of Freedom."'
+
+
+At the name of Freedom, and at every repetition of that name, all the
+Sympathisers roared aloud; cheering with nine times nine, and nine times
+over.
+
+
+'"In Freedom's name, sir--holy Freedom--I address you. In Freedom's
+name, I send herewith a contribution to the funds of your society.
+In Freedom's name, sir, I advert with indignation and disgust to that
+accursed animal, with gore-stained whiskers, whose rampant cruelty and
+fiery lust have ever been a scourge, a torment to the world. The naked
+visitors to Crusoe's Island, sir; the flying wives of Peter Wilkins; the
+fruit-smeared children of the tangled bush; nay, even the men of large
+stature, anciently bred in the mining districts of Cornwall; alike
+bear witness to its savage nature. Where, sir, are the Cormorans,
+the Blunderbores, the Great Feefofums, named in History? All, all,
+exterminated by its destroying hand.
+
+'"I allude, sir, to the British Lion.
+
+'"Devoted, mind and body, heart and soul, to Freedom, sir--to Freedom,
+blessed solace to the snail upon the cellar-door, the oyster in his
+pearly bed, the still mite in his home of cheese, the very winkle of
+your country in his shelly lair--in her unsullied name, we offer you our
+sympathy. Oh, sir, in this our cherished and our happy land, her fires
+burn bright and clear and smokeless; once lighted up in yours, the lion
+shall be roasted whole.
+
+'"I am, sir, in Freedom's name,
+
+'"Your affectionate friend and faithful Sympathiser,
+
+'"CYRUS CHOKE,
+
+'"General, U.S.M."'
+
+
+It happened that just as the General began to read this letter, the
+railroad train arrived, bringing a new mail from England; and a packet
+had been handed in to the Secretary, which during its perusal and
+the frequent cheerings in homage to freedom, he had opened. Now, its
+contents disturbed him very much, and the moment the General sat down,
+he hurried to his side, and placed in his hand a letter and several
+printed extracts from English newspapers; to which, in a state of
+infinite excitement, he called his immediate attention.
+
+The General, being greatly heated by his own composition, was in a
+fit state to receive any inflammable influence; but he had no sooner
+possessed himself of the contents of these documents, than a change came
+over his face, involving such a huge amount of choler and passion, that
+the noisy concourse were silent in a moment, in very wonder at the sight
+of him.
+
+'My friends!' cried the General, rising; 'my friends and fellow
+citizens, we have been mistaken in this man.'
+
+'In what man?' was the cry.
+
+'In this,' panted the General, holding up the letter he had read aloud
+a few minutes before. 'I find that he has been, and is, the
+advocate--consistent in it always too--of Nigger emancipation!'
+
+If anything beneath the sky be real, those Sons of Freedom would have
+pistolled, stabbed--in some way slain--that man by coward hands and
+murderous violence, if he had stood among them at that time. The most
+confiding of their own countrymen would not have wagered then--no, nor
+would they ever peril--one dunghill straw, upon the life of any man in
+such a strait. They tore the letter, cast the fragments in the air, trod
+down the pieces as they fell; and yelled, and groaned, and hissed, till
+they could cry no longer.
+
+'I shall move,' said the General, when he could make himself heard,
+'that the Watertoast Association of United Sympathisers be immediately
+dissolved!'
+
+Down with it! Away with it! Don't hear of it! Burn its records! Pull the
+room down! Blot it out of human memory!
+
+'But, my fellow-countrymen!' said the General, 'the contributions. We
+have funds. What is to be done with the funds?'
+
+It was hastily resolved that a piece of plate should be presented to a
+certain constitutional Judge, who had laid down from the Bench the noble
+principle that it was lawful for any white mob to murder any black man;
+and that another piece of plate, of similar value should be presented
+to a certain Patriot, who had declared from his high place in the
+Legislature, that he and his friends would hang without trial, any
+Abolitionist who might pay them a visit. For the surplus, it was agreed
+that it should be devoted to aiding the enforcement of those free and
+equal laws, which render it incalculably more criminal and dangerous
+to teach a negro to read and write than to roast him alive in a public
+city. These points adjusted, the meeting broke up in great disorder, and
+there was an end of the Watertoast Sympathy.
+
+As Martin ascended to his bedroom, his eye was attracted by the
+Republican banner, which had been hoisted from the house-top in honour
+of the occasion, and was fluttering before a window which he passed.
+
+'Tut!' said Martin. 'You're a gay flag in the distance. But let a man
+be near enough to get the light upon the other side and see through you;
+and you are but sorry fustian!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
+
+FROM WHICH IT WILL BE SEEN THAT MARTIN BECAME A LION OF HIS OWN ACCOUNT.
+TOGETHER WITH THE REASON WHY
+
+
+As soon as it was generally known in the National Hotel, that the young
+Englishman, Mr Chuzzlewit, had purchased a 'lo-cation' in the Valley
+of Eden, and intended to betake himself to that earthly Paradise by the
+next steamboat, he became a popular character. Why this should be, or
+how it had come to pass, Martin no more knew than Mrs Gamp, of Kingsgate
+Street, High Holborn, did; but that he was for the time being the lion,
+by popular election, of the Watertoast community, and that his society
+was in rather inconvenient request there could be no kind of doubt.
+
+The first notification he received of this change in his position, was
+the following epistle, written in a thin running hand--with here and
+there a fat letter or two, to make the general effect more striking--on
+a sheet of paper, ruled with blue lines.
+
+
+'NATIONAL HOTEL,
+
+'MONDAY MORNING.
+
+'Dear Sir--'When I had the privillidge of being your fellow-traveller
+in the cars, the day before yesterday, you offered some remarks upon the
+subject of the tower of London, which (in common with my fellow-citizens
+generally) I could wish to hear repeated to a public audience.
+
+'As secretary to the Young Men's Watertoast Association of this town,
+I am requested to inform you that the Society will be proud to hear
+you deliver a lecture upon the Tower of London, at their Hall to-morrow
+evening, at seven o'clock; and as a large issue of quarter-dollar
+tickets may be expected, your answer and consent by bearer will be
+considered obliging.
+
+'Dear Sir,
+
+'Yours truly,
+
+'LA FAYETTE KETTLE.
+
+'The Honourable M. Chuzzlewit.
+
+'P.S.--The Society would not be particular in limiting you to the Tower
+of London. Permit me to suggest that any remarks upon the Elements of
+Geology, or (if more convenient) upon the Writings of your talented and
+witty countryman, the honourable Mr Miller, would be well received.'
+
+
+Very much aghast at this invitation, Martin wrote back, civilly
+declining it; and had scarcely done so, when he received another letter.
+
+
+'No. 47, Bunker Hill Street,
+
+'Monday Morning.
+
+'(Private).
+
+'Sir--I was raised in those interminable solitudes where our mighty
+Mississippi (or Father of Waters) rolls his turbid flood.
+
+'I am young, and ardent. For there is a poetry in wildness, and every
+alligator basking in the slime is in himself an Epic, self-contained. I
+aspirate for fame. It is my yearning and my thirst.
+
+'Are you, sir, aware of any member of Congress in England, who would
+undertake to pay my expenses to that country, and for six months after
+my arrival?
+
+'There is something within me which gives me the assurance that this
+enlightened patronage would not be thrown away. In literature or art;
+the bar, the pulpit, or the stage; in one or other, if not all, I feel
+that I am certain to succeed.
+
+'If too much engaged to write to any such yourself, please let me have
+a list of three or four of those most likely to respond, and I will
+address them through the Post Office. May I also ask you to favour me
+with any critical observations that have ever presented themselves to
+your reflective faculties, on "Cain, a Mystery," by the Right Honourable
+Lord Byron?
+
+'I am, Sir,
+
+'Yours (forgive me if I add, soaringly),
+
+'PUTNAM SMIF
+
+'P.S.--Address your answer to America Junior, Messrs. Hancock & Floby,
+Dry Goods Store, as above.'
+
+
+Both of which letters, together with Martin's reply to each, were,
+according to a laudable custom, much tending to the promotion of
+gentlemanly feeling and social confidence, published in the next number
+of the Watertoast Gazette.
+
+He had scarcely got through this correspondence when Captain Kedgick,
+the landlord, kindly came upstairs to see how he was getting on. The
+Captain sat down upon the bed before he spoke; and finding it rather
+hard, moved to the pillow.
+
+'Well, sir!' said the Captain, putting his hat a little more on one
+side, for it was rather tight in the crown: 'You're quite a public man I
+calc'late.'
+
+'So it seems,' retorted Martin, who was very tired.
+
+'Our citizens, sir,' pursued the Captain, 'intend to pay their respects
+to you. You will have to hold a sort of le-vee, sir, while you're here.'
+
+'Powers above!' cried Martin, 'I couldn't do that, my good fellow!'
+
+'I reckon you MUST then,' said the Captain.
+
+'Must is not a pleasant word, Captain,' urged Martin.
+
+'Well! I didn't fix the mother language, and I can't unfix it,' said the
+Captain coolly; 'else I'd make it pleasant. You must re-ceive. That's
+all.'
+
+'But why should I receive people who care as much for me as I care for
+them?' asked Martin.
+
+'Well! because I have had a muniment put up in the bar,' returned the
+Captain.
+
+'A what?' cried Martin.
+
+'A muniment,' rejoined the Captain.
+
+Martin looked despairingly at Mark, who informed him that the
+Captain meant a written notice that Mr Chuzzlewit would receive the
+Watertoasters that day, at and after two o'clock which was in effect
+then hanging in the bar, as Mark, from ocular inspection of the same,
+could testify.
+
+'You wouldn't be unpop'lar, I know,' said the Captain, paring his nails.
+'Our citizens an't long of riling up, I tell you; and our Gazette could
+flay you like a wild cat.'
+
+Martin was going to be very wroth, but he thought better of it, and
+said:
+
+'In Heaven's name let them come, then.'
+
+'Oh, THEY'll come,' returned the Captain. 'I have seen the big room
+fixed a'purpose, with my eyes.'
+
+'But will you,' said Martin, seeing that the Captain was about to go;
+'will you at least tell me this? What do they want to see me for? what
+have I done? and how do they happen to have such a sudden interest in
+me?'
+
+Captain Kedgick put a thumb and three fingers to each side of the
+brim of his hat; lifted it a little way off his head; put it on again
+carefully; passed one hand all down his face, beginning at the forehead
+and ending at the chin; looked at Martin; then at Mark; then at Martin
+again; winked, and walked out.
+
+'Upon my life, now!' said Martin, bringing his hand heavily upon the
+table; 'such a perfectly unaccountable fellow as that, I never saw.
+Mark, what do you say to this?'
+
+'Why, sir,' returned his partner, 'my opinion is that we must have got
+to the MOST remarkable man in the country at last. So I hope there's an
+end to the breed, sir.'
+
+Although this made Martin laugh, it couldn't keep off two o'clock.
+Punctually, as the hour struck, Captain Kedgick returned to hand him
+to the room of state; and he had no sooner got him safe there, than
+he bawled down the staircase to his fellow-citizens below, that Mr
+Chuzzlewit was 'receiving.'
+
+Up they came with a rush. Up they came until the room was full, and,
+through the open door, a dismal perspective of more to come, was shown
+upon the stairs. One after another, one after another, dozen after
+dozen, score after score, more, more, more, up they came; all shaking
+hands with Martin. Such varieties of hands, the thick, the thin,
+the short, the long, the fat, the lean, the coarse, the fine; such
+differences of temperature, the hot, the cold, the dry, the moist,
+the flabby; such diversities of grasp, the tight, the loose, the
+short-lived, and the lingering! Still up, up, up, more, more, more; and
+ever and anon the Captain's voice was heard above the crowd--'There's
+more below! there's more below. Now, gentlemen you that have been
+introduced to Mr Chuzzlewit, will you clear gentlemen? Will you clear?
+Will you be so good as clear, gentlemen, and make a little room for
+more?'
+
+Regardless of the Captain's cries, they didn't clear at all, but stood
+there, bolt upright and staring. Two gentlemen connected with the
+Watertoast Gazette had come express to get the matter for an article on
+Martin. They had agreed to divide the labour. One of them took him below
+the waistcoat. One above. Each stood directly in front of his subject
+with his head a little on one side, intent on his department. If Martin
+put one boot before the other, the lower gentleman was down upon him;
+he rubbed a pimple on his nose, and the upper gentleman booked it. He
+opened his mouth to speak, and the same gentleman was on one knee before
+him, looking in at his teeth, with the nice scrutiny of a dentist.
+Amateurs in the physiognomical and phrenological sciences roved about
+him with watchful eyes and itching fingers, and sometimes one, more
+daring than the rest, made a mad grasp at the back of his head, and
+vanished in the crowd. They had him in all points of view: in front, in
+profile, three-quarter face, and behind. Those who were not professional
+or scientific, audibly exchanged opinions on his looks. New lights shone
+in upon him, in respect of his nose. Contradictory rumours were abroad
+on the subject of his hair. And still the Captain's voice was heard--so
+stifled by the concourse, that he seemed to speak from underneath a
+feather-bed--exclaiming--'Gentlemen, you that have been introduced to Mr
+Chuzzlewit, WILL you clear?'
+
+Even when they began to clear it was no better; for then a stream of
+gentlemen, every one with a lady on each arm (exactly like the chorus
+to the National Anthem when Royalty goes in state to the play), came
+gliding in--every new group fresher than the last, and bent on staying
+to the latest moment. If they spoke to him, which was not often, they
+invariably asked the same questions, in the same tone; with no more
+remorse, or delicacy, or consideration, than if he had been a figure of
+stone, purchased, and paid for, and set up there for their delight. Even
+when, in the slow course of time, these died off, it was as bad as ever,
+if not worse; for then the boys grew bold, and came in as a class
+of themselves, and did everything that the grown-up people had done.
+Uncouth stragglers, too, appeared; men of a ghostly kind, who being in,
+didn't know how to get out again; insomuch that one silent gentleman
+with glazed and fishy eyes and only one button on his waistcoat (which
+was a very large metal one, and shone prodigiously), got behind the
+door, and stood there, like a clock, long after everybody else was gone.
+
+Martin felt, from pure fatigue, and heat, and worry, as if he could have
+fallen on the ground and willingly remained there, if they would but
+have had the mercy to leave him alone. But as letters and messages,
+threatening his public denouncement if he didn't see the senders, poured
+in like hail; and as more visitors came while he took his coffee by
+himself; and as Mark, with all his vigilance, was unable to keep them
+from the door; he resolved to go to bed--not that he felt at all sure
+of bed being any protection, but that he might not leave a forlorn hope
+untried.
+
+He had communicated this design to Mark, and was on the eve of escaping,
+when the door was thrown open in a great hurry, and an elderly gentleman
+entered; bringing with him a lady who certainly could not be considered
+young--that was matter of fact; and probably could not be considered
+handsome--but that was matter of opinion. She was very straight, very
+tall, and not at all flexible in face or figure. On her head she wore a
+great straw bonnet, with trimmings of the same, in which she looked as
+if she had been thatched by an unskillful labourer; and in her hand she
+held a most enormous fan.
+
+'Mr Chuzzlewit, I believe?' said the gentleman.
+
+'That is my name.'
+
+'Sir,' said the gentleman, 'I am pressed for time.'
+
+'Thank God!' thought Martin.
+
+'I go back Toe my home, sir,' pursued the gentleman, 'by the return
+train, which starts immediate. Start is not a word you use in your
+country, sir.'
+
+'Oh yes, it is,' said Martin.
+
+'You air mistaken, sir,' returned the gentleman, with great decision:
+'but we will not pursue the subject, lest it should awake your
+preju--dice. Sir, Mrs Hominy.'
+
+Martin bowed.
+
+'Mrs Hominy, sir, is the lady of Major Hominy, one of our chicest
+spirits; and belongs Toe one of our most aristocratic families. You air,
+p'raps, acquainted, sir, with Mrs Hominy's writings.'
+
+Martin couldn't say he was.
+
+'You have much Toe learn, and Toe enjoy, sir,' said the gentleman.
+'Mrs Hominy is going Toe stay until the end of the Fall, sir, with her
+married daughter at the settlement of New Thermopylae, three days this
+side of Eden. Any attention, sir, that you can show Toe Mrs Hominy
+upon the journey, will be very grateful Toe the Major and our
+fellow-citizens. Mrs Hominy, I wish you good night, ma'am, and a
+pleasant pro-gress on your route!'
+
+Martin could scarcely believe it; but he had gone, and Mrs Hominy was
+drinking the milk.
+
+'A'most used-up I am, I do declare!' she observed. 'The jolting in
+the cars is pretty nigh as bad as if the rail was full of snags and
+sawyers.'
+
+'Snags and sawyers, ma'am?' said Martin.
+
+'Well, then, I do suppose you'll hardly realise my meaning, sir,' said
+Mrs Hominy. 'My! Only think! DO tell!'
+
+It did not appear that these expressions, although they seemed to
+conclude with an urgent entreaty, stood in need of any answer; for Mrs
+Hominy, untying her bonnet-strings, observed that she would withdraw to
+lay that article of dress aside, and would return immediately.
+
+'Mark!' said Martin. 'Touch me, will you. Am I awake?'
+
+'Hominy is, sir,' returned his partner--'Broad awake! Just the sort of
+woman, sir, as would be discovered with her eyes wide open, and her mind
+a-working for her country's good, at any hour of the day or night.'
+
+They had no opportunity of saying more, for Mrs Hominy stalked in
+again--very erect, in proof of her aristocratic blood; and holding in
+her clasped hands a red cotton pocket-handkerchief, perhaps a parting
+gift from that choice spirit, the Major. She had laid aside her bonnet,
+and now appeared in a highly aristocratic and classical cap, meeting
+beneath her chin: a style of headdress so admirably adapted to her
+countenance, that if the late Mr Grimaldi had appeared in the lappets of
+Mrs Siddons, a more complete effect could not have been produced.
+
+Martin handed her to a chair. Her first words arrested him before he
+could get back to his own seat.
+
+'Pray, sir!' said Mrs Hominy, 'where do you hail from?'
+
+'I am afraid I am dull of comprehension,' answered Martin, 'being
+extremely tired; but upon my word I don't understand you.'
+
+Mrs Hominy shook her head with a melancholy smile that said, not
+inexpressively, 'They corrupt even the language in that old country!'
+and added then, as coming down a step or two to meet his low capacity,
+'Where was you rose?'
+
+'Oh!' said Martin 'I was born in Kent.'
+
+'And how do you like our country, sir?' asked Mrs Hominy.
+
+'Very much indeed,' said Martin, half asleep. 'At least--that is--pretty
+well, ma'am.'
+
+'Most strangers--and partick'larly Britishers--are much surprised by
+what they see in the U-nited States,' remarked Mrs Hominy.
+
+'They have excellent reason to be so, ma'am,' said Martin. 'I never was
+so much surprised in all my life.'
+
+'Our institutions make our people smart much, sir,' Mrs Hominy remarked.
+
+'The most short-sighted man could see that at a glance, with his naked
+eye,' said Martin.
+
+Mrs Hominy was a philosopher and an authoress, and consequently had a
+pretty strong digestion; but this coarse, this indecorous phrase,
+was almost too much for her. For a gentleman sitting alone with a
+lady--although the door WAS open--to talk about a naked eye!
+
+A long interval elapsed before even she--woman of masculine and towering
+intellect though she was--could call up fortitude enough to resume the
+conversation. But Mrs Hominy was a traveller. Mrs Hominy was a writer
+of reviews and analytical disquisitions. Mrs Hominy had had her letters
+from abroad, beginning 'My ever dearest blank,' and signed 'The Mother
+of the Modern Gracchi' (meaning the married Miss Hominy), regularly
+printed in a public journal, with all the indignation in capitals, and
+all the sarcasm in italics. Mrs Hominy had looked on foreign countries
+with the eye of a perfect republican hot from the model oven; and Mrs
+Hominy could talk (or write) about them by the hour together. So Mrs
+Hominy at last came down on Martin heavily, and as he was fast asleep,
+she had it all her own way, and bruised him to her heart's content.
+
+It is no great matter what Mrs Hominy said, save that she had learnt it
+from the cant of a class, and a large class, of her fellow countrymen,
+who in their every word, avow themselves to be as senseless to the high
+principles on which America sprang, a nation, into life, as any Orson in
+her legislative halls. Who are no more capable of feeling, or of caring
+if they did feel, that by reducing their own country to the ebb of
+honest men's contempt, they put in hazard the rights of nations yet
+unborn, and very progress of the human race, than are the swine who
+wallow in their streets. Who think that crying out to other nations,
+old in their iniquity, 'We are no worse than you!' (No worse!) is high
+defence and 'vantage-ground enough for that Republic, but yesterday let
+loose upon her noble course, and but to-day so maimed and lame, so full
+of sores and ulcers, foul to the eye and almost hopeless to the sense,
+that her best friends turn from the loathsome creature with disgust.
+Who, having by their ancestors declared and won their Independence,
+because they would not bend the knee to certain Public vices and
+corruptions, and would not abrogate the truth, run riot in the Bad,
+and turn their backs upon the Good; and lying down contented with the
+wretched boast that other Temples also are of glass, and stones which
+batter theirs may be flung back; show themselves, in that alone, as
+immeasurably behind the import of the trust they hold, and as unworthy
+to possess it as if the sordid hucksterings of all their little
+governments--each one a kingdom in its small depravity--were brought
+into a heap for evidence against them.
+
+Martin by degrees became so far awake, that he had a sense of a terrible
+oppression on his mind; an imperfect dream that he had murdered a
+particular friend, and couldn't get rid of the body. When his eyes
+opened it was staring him full in the face. There was the horrible
+Hominy talking deep truths in a melodious snuffle, and pouring forth her
+mental endowments to such an extent that the Major's bitterest enemy,
+hearing her, would have forgiven him from the bottom of his heart.
+Martin might have done something desperate if the gong had not sounded
+for supper; but sound it did most opportunely; and having stationed Mrs
+Hominy at the upper end of the table he took refuge at the lower end
+himself; whence, after a hasty meal he stole away, while the lady was
+yet busied with dried beef and a saucer-full of pickled fixings.
+
+It would be difficult to give an adequate idea of Mrs Hominy's freshness
+next day, or of the avidity with which she went headlong into moral
+philosophy at breakfast. Some little additional degree of asperity,
+perhaps, was visible in her features, but not more than the pickles
+would have naturally produced. All that day she clung to Martin. She
+sat beside him while he received his friends (for there was another
+Reception, yet more numerous than the former), propounded theories, and
+answered imaginary objections, so that Martin really began to think he
+must be dreaming, and speaking for two; she quoted interminable passages
+from certain essays on government, written by herself; used the Major's
+pocket-handkerchief as if the snuffle were a temporary malady, of which
+she was determined to rid herself by some means or other; and, in short,
+was such a remarkable companion, that Martin quite settled it between
+himself and his conscience, that in any new settlement it would be
+absolutely necessary to have such a person knocked on the head for the
+general peace of society.
+
+In the meantime Mark was busy, from early in the morning until late
+at night, in getting on board the steamboat such provisions, tools and
+other necessaries, as they had been forewarned it would be wise to take.
+The purchase of these things, and the settlement of their bill at the
+National, reduced their finances to so low an ebb, that if the captain
+had delayed his departure any longer, they would have been in almost as
+bad a plight as the unfortunate poorer emigrants, who (seduced on board
+by solemn advertisement) had been living on the lower deck a whole week,
+and exhausting their miserable stock of provisions before the voyage
+commenced. There they were, all huddled together with the engine and the
+fires. Farmers who had never seen a plough; woodmen who had never used
+an axe; builders who couldn't make a box; cast out of their own land,
+with not a hand to aid them: newly come into an unknown world, children
+in helplessness, but men in wants--with younger children at their backs,
+to live or die as it might happen!
+
+The morning came, and they would start at noon. Noon came, and they
+would start at night. But nothing is eternal in this world; not even the
+procrastination of an American skipper; and at night all was ready.
+
+Dispirited and weary to the last degree, but a greater lion than
+ever (he had done nothing all the afternoon but answer letters from
+strangers; half of them about nothing; half about borrowing money, and
+all requiring an instantaneous reply), Martin walked down to the wharf,
+through a concourse of people, with Mrs Hominy upon his arm; and went on
+board. But Mark was bent on solving the riddle of this lionship, if he
+could; and so, not without the risk of being left behind, ran back to
+the hotel.
+
+Captain Kedgick was sitting in the colonnade, with a julep on his knee,
+and a cigar in his mouth. He caught Mark's eye, and said:
+
+'Why, what the 'Tarnal brings you here?'
+
+'I'll tell you plainly what it is, Captain,' said Mark. 'I want to ask
+you a question.'
+
+'A man may ASK a question, so he may,' returned Kedgick; strongly
+implying that another man might not answer a question, so he mightn't.
+
+'What have they been making so much of him for, now?' said Mark, slyly.
+'Come!'
+
+'Our people like ex-citement,' answered Kedgick, sucking his cigar.
+
+'But how has he excited 'em?' asked Mark.
+
+The Captain looked at him as if he were half inclined to unburden his
+mind of a capital joke.
+
+'You air a-going?' he said.
+
+'Going!' cried Mark. 'Ain't every moment precious?'
+
+'Our people like ex-citement,' said the Captain, whispering. 'He ain't
+like emigrants in gin'ral; and he excited 'em along of this;' he winked
+and burst into a smothered laugh; 'along of this. Scadder is a smart
+man, and--and--nobody as goes to Eden ever comes back alive!'
+
+The wharf was close at hand, and at that instant Mark could hear them
+shouting out his name; could even hear Martin calling to him to make
+haste, or they would be separated. It was too late to mend the matter,
+or put any face upon it but the best. He gave the Captain a parting
+benediction, and ran off like a race-horse.
+
+'Mark! Mark!' cried Martin.
+
+'Here am I, sir!' shouted Mark, suddenly replying from the edge of the
+quay, and leaping at a bound on board. 'Never was half so jolly, sir.
+All right. Haul in! Go ahead!'
+
+The sparks from the wood fire streamed upward from the two chimneys, as
+if the vessel were a great firework just lighted; and they roared away
+upon the dark water.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
+
+MARTIN AND HIS PARTNER TAKE POSSESSION OF THEIR ESTATE. THE JOYFUL
+OCCASION INVOLVES SOME FURTHER ACCOUNT OF EDEN
+
+
+There happened to be on board the steamboat several gentlemen
+passengers, of the same stamp as Martin's New York friend Mr Bevan; and
+in their society he was cheerful and happy. They released him as well
+as they could from the intellectual entanglements of Mrs Hominy;
+and exhibited, in all they said and did, so much good sense and high
+feeling, that he could not like them too well. 'If this were a republic
+of Intellect and Worth,' he said, 'instead of vapouring and jobbing,
+they would not want the levers to keep it in motion.'
+
+'Having good tools, and using bad ones,' returned Mr Tapley, 'would look
+as if they was rather a poor sort of carpenters, sir, wouldn't it?'
+
+Martin nodded. 'As if their work were infinitely above their powers and
+purpose, Mark; and they botched it in consequence.'
+
+'The best on it is,' said Mark, 'that when they do happen to make a
+decent stroke; such as better workmen, with no such opportunities, make
+every day of their lives and think nothing of--they begin to sing out
+so surprising loud. Take notice of my words, sir. If ever the defaulting
+part of this here country pays its debts--along of finding that not
+paying 'em won't do in a commercial point of view, you see, and is
+inconvenient in its consequences--they'll take such a shine out of it,
+and make such bragging speeches, that a man might suppose no borrowed
+money had ever been paid afore, since the world was first begun. That's
+the way they gammon each other, sir. Bless you, I know 'em. Take notice
+of my words, now!'
+
+'You seem to be growing profoundly sagacious!' cried Martin, laughing.
+
+'Whether that is,' thought Mark, 'because I'm a day's journey nearer
+Eden, and am brightening up afore I die, I can't say. P'rhaps by the
+time I get there I shall have growed into a prophet.'
+
+He gave no utterance to these sentiments; but the excessive joviality
+they inspired within him, and the merriment they brought upon his
+shining face, were quite enough for Martin. Although he might sometimes
+profess to make light of his partner's inexhaustible cheerfulness,
+and might sometimes, as in the case of Zephaniah Scadder, find him
+too jocose a commentator, he was always sensible of the effect of his
+example in rousing him to hopefulness and courage. Whether he were in
+the humour to profit by it, mattered not a jot. It was contagious, and
+he could not choose but be affected.
+
+At first they parted with some of their passengers once or twice a day,
+and took in others to replace them. But by degrees, the towns upon their
+route became more thinly scattered; and for many hours together they
+would see no other habitations than the huts of the wood-cutters, where
+the vessel stopped for fuel. Sky, wood, and water all the livelong day;
+and heat that blistered everything it touched.
+
+On they toiled through great solitudes, where the trees upon the banks
+grew thick and close; and floated in the stream; and held up shrivelled
+arms from out the river's depths; and slid down from the margin of the
+land, half growing, half decaying, in the miry water. On through the
+weary day and melancholy night; beneath the burning sun, and in the mist
+and vapour of the evening; on, until return appeared impossible, and
+restoration to their home a miserable dream.
+
+They had now but few people on board, and these few were as flat, as
+dull, and stagnant, as the vegetation that oppressed their eyes. No
+sound of cheerfulness or hope was heard; no pleasant talk beguiled
+the tardy time; no little group made common cause against the full
+depression of the scene. But that, at certain periods, they swallowed
+food together from a common trough, it might have been old Charon's
+boat, conveying melancholy shades to judgment.
+
+At length they drew near New Thermopylae; where, that same evening, Mrs
+Hominy would disembark. A gleam of comfort sunk into Martin's bosom when
+she told him this. Mark needed none; but he was not displeased.
+
+It was almost night when they came alongside the landing-place. A steep
+bank with an hotel like a barn on the top of it; a wooden store or two;
+and a few scattered sheds.
+
+'You sleep here to-night, and go on in the morning, I suppose, ma'am?'
+said Martin.
+
+'Where should I go on to?' cried the mother of the modern Gracchi.
+
+'To New Thermopylae.'
+
+'My! ain't I there?' said Mrs Hominy.
+
+Martin looked for it all round the darkening panorama; but he couldn't
+see it, and was obliged to say so.
+
+'Why that's it!' cried Mrs Hominy, pointing to the sheds just mentioned.
+
+'THAT!' exclaimed Martin.
+
+'Ah! that; and work it which way you will, it whips Eden,' said Mrs
+Hominy, nodding her head with great expression.
+
+The married Miss Hominy, who had come on board with her husband, gave to
+this statement her most unqualified support, as did that gentleman also.
+Martin gratefully declined their invitation to regale himself at their
+house during the half hour of the vessel's stay; and having escorted
+Mrs Hominy and the red pocket-handkerchief (which was still on active
+service) safely across the gangway, returned in a thoughtful mood to
+watch the emigrants as they removed their goods ashore.
+
+Mark, as he stood beside him, glanced in his face from time to time;
+anxious to discover what effect this dialogue had had upon him, and
+not unwilling that his hopes should be dashed before they reached their
+destination, so that the blow he feared might be broken in its fall. But
+saving that he sometimes looked up quickly at the poor erections on the
+hill, he gave him no clue to what was passing in his mind, until they
+were again upon their way.
+
+'Mark,' he said then, 'are there really none but ourselves on board this
+boat who are bound for Eden?'
+
+'None at all, sir. Most of 'em, as you know, have stopped short; and
+the few that are left are going further on. What matters that! More room
+there for us, sir.'
+
+'Oh, to be sure!' said Martin. 'But I was thinking--' and there he
+paused.
+
+'Yes, sir?' observed Mark.
+
+'How odd it was that the people should have arranged to try their
+fortune at a wretched hole like that, for instance, when there is such
+a much better, and such a very different kind of place, near at hand, as
+one may say.'
+
+He spoke in a tone so very different from his usual confidence, and with
+such an obvious dread of Mark's reply, that the good-natured fellow was
+full of pity.
+
+'Why, you know, sir,' said Mark, as gently as he could by any means
+insinuate the observation, 'we must guard against being too sanguine.
+There's no occasion for it, either, because we're determined to make the
+best of everything, after we know the worst of it. Ain't we, sir?'
+
+Martin looked at him, but answered not a word.
+
+'Even Eden, you know, ain't all built,' said Mark.
+
+'In the name of Heaven, man,' cried Martin angrily, 'don't talk of Eden
+in the same breath with that place. Are you mad? There--God forgive
+me!--don't think harshly of me for my temper!'
+
+After that, he turned away, and walked to and fro upon the deck full two
+hours. Nor did he speak again, except to say 'Good night,' until next
+day; nor even then upon this subject, but on other topics quite foreign
+to the purpose.
+
+As they proceeded further on their track, and came more and more towards
+their journey's end, the monotonous desolation of the scene increased to
+that degree, that for any redeeming feature it presented to their eyes,
+they might have entered, in the body, on the grim domains of Giant
+Despair. A flat morass, bestrewn with fallen timber; a marsh on which
+the good growth of the earth seemed to have been wrecked and cast away,
+that from its decomposing ashes vile and ugly things might rise; where
+the very trees took the aspect of huge weeds, begotten of the slime
+from which they sprung, by the hot sun that burnt them up; where fatal
+maladies, seeking whom they might infect, came forth at night in misty
+shapes, and creeping out upon the water, hunted them like spectres until
+day; where even the blessed sun, shining down on festering elements
+of corruption and disease, became a horror; this was the realm of Hope
+through which they moved.
+
+At last they stopped. At Eden too. The waters of the Deluge might have
+left it but a week before; so choked with slime and matted growth was
+the hideous swamp which bore that name.
+
+There being no depth of water close in shore, they landed from the
+vessel's boat, with all their goods beside them. There were a few
+log-houses visible among the dark trees; the best, a cow-shed or a rude
+stable; but for the wharves, the market-place, the public buildings--
+
+'Here comes an Edener,' said Mark. 'He'll get us help to carry these
+things up. Keep a good heart, sir. Hallo there!'
+
+The man advanced toward them through the thickening gloom, very slowly;
+leaning on a stick. As he drew nearer, they observed that he was pale
+and worn, and that his anxious eyes were deeply sunken in his head. His
+dress of homespun blue hung about him in rags; his feet and head were
+bare. He sat down on a stump half-way, and beckoned them to come to him.
+When they complied, he put his hand upon his side as if in pain, and
+while he fetched his breath stared at them, wondering.
+
+'Strangers!' he exclaimed, as soon as he could speak.
+
+'The very same,' said Mark. 'How are you, sir?'
+
+'I've had the fever very bad,' he answered faintly. 'I haven't stood
+upright these many weeks. Those are your notions I see,' pointing to
+their property.
+
+'Yes, sir,' said Mark, 'they are. You couldn't recommend us some one as
+would lend a hand to help carry 'em up to the--to the town, could you,
+sir?'
+
+'My eldest son would do it if he could,' replied the man; 'but today
+he has his chill upon him, and is lying wrapped up in the blankets. My
+youngest died last week.'
+
+'I'm sorry for it, governor, with all my heart,' said Mark, shaking him
+by the hand. 'Don't mind us. Come along with me, and I'll give you an
+arm back. The goods is safe enough, sir'--to Martin--'there ain't many
+people about, to make away with 'em. What a comfort that is!'
+
+'No,' cried the man. 'You must look for such folk here,' knocking his
+stick upon the ground, 'or yonder in the bush, towards the north. We've
+buried most of 'em. The rest have gone away. Them that we have here,
+don't come out at night.'
+
+'The night air ain't quite wholesome, I suppose?' said Mark.
+
+'It's deadly poison,' was the settler's answer.
+
+Mark showed no more uneasiness than if it had been commended to him as
+ambrosia; but he gave the man his arm, and as they went along explained
+to him the nature of their purchase, and inquired where it lay. Close to
+his own log-house, he said; so close that he had used their dwelling
+as a store-house for some corn; they must excuse it that night, but he
+would endeavour to get it taken out upon the morrow. He then gave them
+to understand, as an additional scrap of local chit-chat, that he had
+buried the last proprietor with his own hands; a piece of information
+which Mark also received without the least abatement of his equanimity.
+
+In a word, he conducted them to a miserable cabin, rudely constructed
+of the trunks of trees; the door of which had either fallen down or
+been carried away long ago; and which was consequently open to the
+wild landscape and the dark night. Saving for the little store he had
+mentioned, it was perfectly bare of all furniture; but they had left a
+chest upon the landing-place, and he gave them a rude torch in lieu
+of candle. This latter acquisition Mark planted in the earth, and then
+declaring that the mansion 'looked quite comfortable,' hurried
+Martin off again to help bring up the chest. And all the way to the
+landing-place and back, Mark talked incessantly; as if he would infuse
+into his partner's breast some faint belief that they had arrived under
+the most auspicious and cheerful of all imaginable circumstances.
+
+But many a man who would have stood within a home dismantled, strong in
+his passion and design of vengeance, has had the firmness of his
+nature conquered by the razing of an air-built castle. When the log-hut
+received them for the second time, Martin laid down upon the ground, and
+wept aloud.
+
+'Lord love you, sir!' cried Mr Tapley, in great terror; 'Don't do that!
+Don't do that, sir! Anything but that! It never helped man, woman, or
+child, over the lowest fence yet, sir, and it never will. Besides its
+being of no use to you, it's worse than of no use to me, for the least
+sound of it will knock me flat down. I can't stand up agin it, sir.
+Anything but that!'
+
+There is no doubt he spoke the truth, for the extraordinary alarm with
+which he looked at Martin as he paused upon his knees before the chest,
+in the act of unlocking it, to say these words, sufficiently confirmed
+him.
+
+'I ask your forgiveness a thousand times, my dear fellow,' said Martin.
+'I couldn't have helped it, if death had been the penalty.'
+
+'Ask my forgiveness!' said Mark, with his accustomed cheerfulness, as he
+proceeded to unpack the chest. 'The head partner a-asking forgiveness of
+Co., eh? There must be something wrong in the firm when that happens. I
+must have the books inspected and the accounts gone over immediate. Here
+we are. Everything in its proper place. Here's the salt pork. Here's the
+biscuit. Here's the whiskey. Uncommon good it smells too. Here's the
+tin pot. This tin pot's a small fortun' in itself! Here's the blankets.
+Here's the axe. Who says we ain't got a first-rate fit out? I feel as if
+I was a cadet gone out to Indy, and my noble father was chairman of the
+Board of Directors. Now, when I've got some water from the stream afore
+the door and mixed the grog,' cried Mark, running out to suit the action
+to the word, 'there's a supper ready, comprising every delicacy of
+the season. Here we are, sir, all complete. For what we are going to
+receive, et cetrer. Lord bless you, sir, it's very like a gipsy party!'
+
+It was impossible not to take heart, in the company of such a man as
+this. Martin sat upon the ground beside the box; took out his knife; and
+ate and drank sturdily.
+
+'Now you see,' said Mark, when they had made a hearty meal; 'with your
+knife and mine, I sticks this blanket right afore the door. Or where, in
+a state of high civilization, the door would be. And very neat it looks.
+Then I stops the aperture below, by putting the chest agin it. And very
+neat THAT looks. Then there's your blanket, sir. Then here's mine. And
+what's to hinder our passing a good night?'
+
+For all his light-hearted speaking, it was long before he slept himself.
+He wrapped his blanket round him, put the axe ready to his hand, and lay
+across the threshold of the door; too anxious and too watchful to close
+his eyes. The novelty of their dreary situation, the dread of some
+rapacious animal or human enemy, the terrible uncertainty of their means
+of subsistence, the apprehension of death, the immense distance and the
+hosts of obstacles between themselves and England, were fruitful sources
+of disquiet in the deep silence of the night. Though Martin would have
+had him think otherwise, Mark felt that he was waking also, and a prey
+to the same reflections. This was almost worse than all, for if he began
+to brood over their miseries instead of trying to make head against them
+there could be little doubt that such a state of mind would powerfully
+assist the influence of the pestilent climate. Never had the light of
+day been half so welcome to his eyes, as when awaking from a fitful
+doze, Mark saw it shining through the blanket in the doorway.
+
+He stole out gently, for his companion was sleeping now; and having
+refreshed himself by washing in the river, where it snowed before the
+door, took a rough survey of the settlement. There were not above a
+score of cabins in the whole; half of these appeared untenanted; all
+were rotten and decayed. The most tottering, abject, and forlorn among
+them was called, with great propriety, the Bank, and National Credit
+Office. It had some feeble props about it, but was settling deep down in
+the mud, past all recovery.
+
+Here and there an effort had been made to clear the land, and something
+like a field had been marked out, where, among the stumps and ashes of
+burnt trees, a scanty crop of Indian corn was growing. In some quarters,
+a snake or zigzag fence had been begun, but in no instance had it been
+completed; and the felled logs, half hidden in the soil, lay mouldering
+away. Three or four meagre dogs, wasted and vexed with hunger; some
+long-legged pigs, wandering away into the woods in search of food; some
+children, nearly naked, gazing at him from the huts; were all the living
+things he saw. A fetid vapour, hot and sickening as the breath of an
+oven, rose up from the earth, and hung on everything around; and as his
+foot-prints sunk into the marshy ground, a black ooze started forth to
+blot them out.
+
+Their own land was mere forest. The trees had grown so think and close
+that they shouldered one another out of their places, and the weakest,
+forced into shapes of strange distortion, languished like cripples.
+The best were stunted, from the pressure and the want of room; and high
+about the stems of all grew long rank grass, dank weeds, and frowsy
+underwood; not divisible into their separate kinds, but tangled all
+together in a heap; a jungle deep and dark, with neither earth nor water
+at its roots, but putrid matter, formed of the pulpy offal of the two,
+and of their own corruption.
+
+He went down to the landing-place where they had left their goods last
+night; and there he found some half-dozen men--wan and forlorn to look
+at, but ready enough to assist--who helped him to carry them to the
+log-house. They shook their heads in speaking of the settlement, and had
+no comfort to give him. Those who had the means of going away had all
+deserted it. They who were left had lost their wives, their children,
+friends, or brothers there, and suffered much themselves. Most of
+them were ill then; none were the men they had been once. They frankly
+offered their assistance and advice, and, leaving him for that time,
+went sadly off upon their several tasks.
+
+Martin was by this time stirring; but he had greatly changed, even in
+one night. He was very pale and languid; he spoke of pains and weakness
+in his limbs, and complained that his sight was dim, and his voice
+feeble. Increasing in his own briskness as the prospect grew more and
+more dismal, Mark brought away a door from one of the deserted houses,
+and fitted it to their own habitation; then went back again for a rude
+bench he had observed, with which he presently returned in triumph;
+and having put this piece of furniture outside the house, arranged the
+notable tin pot and other such movables upon it, that it might represent
+a dresser or a sideboard. Greatly satisfied with this arrangement, he
+next rolled their cask of flour into the house and set it up on end in
+one corner, where it served for a side-table. No better dining-table
+could be required than the chest, which he solemnly devoted to that
+useful service thenceforth. Their blankets, clothes, and the like, he
+hung on pegs and nails. And lastly, he brought forth a great placard
+(which Martin in the exultation of his heart had prepared with his own
+hands at the National Hotel) bearing the inscription, CHUZZLEWIT & CO.,
+ARCHITECTS AND SURVEYORS, which he displayed upon the most conspicuous
+part of the premises, with as much gravity as if the thriving city of
+Eden had a real existence, and they expected to be overwhelmed with
+business.
+
+'These here tools,' said Mark, bringing forward Martin's case of
+instruments and sticking the compasses upright in a stump before the
+door, 'shall be set out in the open air to show that we come provided.
+And now, if any gentleman wants a house built, he'd better give his
+orders, afore we're other ways bespoke.'
+
+Considering the intense heat of the weather, this was not a bad
+morning's work; but without pausing for a moment, though he was
+streaming at every pore, Mark vanished into the house again, and
+presently reappeared with a hatchet; intent on performing some
+impossibilities with that implement.
+
+'Here's ugly old tree in the way, sir,' he observed, 'which'll be all
+the better down. We can build the oven in the afternoon. There never was
+such a handy spot for clay as Eden is. That's convenient, anyhow.'
+
+But Martin gave him no answer. He had sat the whole time with his head
+upon his hands, gazing at the current as it rolled swiftly by; thinking,
+perhaps, how fast it moved towards the open sea, the high road to the
+home he never would behold again.
+
+Not even the vigorous strokes which Mark dealt at the tree awoke him
+from his mournful meditation. Finding all his endeavours to rouse him of
+no use, Mark stopped in his work and came towards him.
+
+'Don't give in, sir,' said Mr Tapley.
+
+'Oh, Mark,' returned his friend, 'what have I done in all my life that
+has deserved this heavy fate?'
+
+'Why, sir,' returned Mark, 'for the matter of that, everybody as is here
+might say the same thing; many of 'em with better reason p'raps than
+you or me. Hold up, sir. Do something. Couldn't you ease your mind, now,
+don't you think, by making some personal obserwations in a letter to
+Scadder?'
+
+'No,' said Martin, shaking his head sorrowfully: 'I am past that.'
+
+'But if you're past that already,' returned Mark, 'you must be ill, and
+ought to be attended to.'
+
+'Don't mind me,' said Martin. 'Do the best you can for yourself. You'll
+soon have only yourself to consider. And then God speed you home, and
+forgive me for bringing you here! I am destined to die in this place. I
+felt it the instant I set foot upon the shore. Sleeping or waking, Mark,
+I dreamed it all last night.'
+
+'I said you must be ill,' returned Mark, tenderly, 'and now I'm sure of
+it. A touch of fever and ague caught on these rivers, I dare say; but
+bless you, THAT'S nothing. It's only a seasoning, and we must all be
+seasoned, one way or another. That's religion that is, you know,' said
+Mark.
+
+He only sighed and shook his head.
+
+'Wait half a minute,' said Mark cheerily, 'till I run up to one of our
+neighbours and ask what's best to be took, and borrow a little of it to
+give you; and to-morrow you'll find yourself as strong as ever again. I
+won't be gone a minute. Don't give in while I'm away, whatever you do!'
+
+Throwing down his hatchet, he sped away immediately, but stopped when he
+had got a little distance, and looked back; then hurried on again.
+
+'Now, Mr Tapley,' said Mark, giving himself a tremendous blow in the
+chest by way of reviver, 'just you attend to what I've got to say.
+Things is looking about as bad as they CAN look, young man. You'll not
+have such another opportunity for showing your jolly disposition, my
+fine fellow, as long as you live. And therefore, Tapley, Now's your time
+to come out strong; or Never!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
+
+REPORTS PROGRESS IN CERTAIN HOMELY MATTERS OF LOVE, HATRED, JEALOUSY,
+AND REVENGE
+
+
+'Hallo, Pecksniff!' cried Mr Jonas from the parlour. 'Isn't somebody
+a-going to open that precious old door of yours?'
+
+'Immediately, Mr Jonas. Immediately.'
+
+'Ecod,' muttered the orphan, 'not before it's time neither. Whoever it
+is, has knocked three times, and each one loud enough to wake the--' he
+had such a repugnance to the idea of waking the Dead, that he stopped
+even then with the words upon his tongue, and said, instead, 'the Seven
+Sleepers.'
+
+'Immediately, Mr Jonas; immediately,' repeated Pecksniff. 'Thomas
+Pinch'--he couldn't make up his mind, in his great agitation, whether to
+call Tom his dear friend or a villain, so he shook his fist at him
+PRO TEM--'go up to my daughters' room, and tell them who is here. Say,
+Silence. Silence! Do you hear me, sir?
+
+'Directly, sir!' cried Tom, departing, in a state of much amazement, on
+his errand.
+
+'You'll--ha, ha, ha!--you'll excuse me, Mr Jonas, if I close this door
+a moment, will you?' said Pecksniff. 'This may be a professional call.
+Indeed I am pretty sure it is. Thank you.' Then Mr Pecksniff, gently
+warbling a rustic stave, put on his garden hat, seized a spade, and
+opened the street door; calmly appearing on the threshold, as if he
+thought he had, from his vineyard, heard a modest rap, but was not quite
+certain.
+
+Seeing a gentleman and lady before him, he started back in as much
+confusion as a good man with a crystal conscience might betray in mere
+surprise. Recognition came upon him the next moment, and he cried:
+
+'Mr Chuzzlewit! Can I believe my eyes! My dear sir; my good sir! A
+joyful hour, a happy hour indeed. Pray, my dear sir, walk in. You find
+me in my garden-dress. You will excuse it, I know. It is an ancient
+pursuit, gardening. Primitive, my dear sir. Or, if I am not mistaken,
+Adam was the first of our calling. MY Eve, I grieve to say is no more,
+sir; but'--here he pointed to his spade, and shook his head as if he
+were not cheerful without an effort--'but I do a little bit of Adam
+still.'
+
+He had by this time got them into the best parlour, where the portrait
+by Spiller, and the bust by Spoker, were.
+
+'My daughters,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'will be overjoyed. If I could feel
+weary upon such a theme, I should have been worn out long ago, my dear
+sir, by their constant anticipation of this happiness and their repeated
+allusions to our meeting at Mrs Todgers's. Their fair young friend,
+too,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'whom they so desire to know and love--indeed
+to know her, is to love--I hope I see her well. I hope in saying,
+"Welcome to my humble roof!" I find some echo in her own sentiments.
+If features are an index to the heart, I have no fears of that. An
+extremely engaging expression of countenance, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear
+sir--very much so!'
+
+'Mary,' said the old man, 'Mr Pecksniff flatters you. But flattery from
+him is worth the having. He is not a dealer in it, and it comes from his
+heart. We thought Mr--'
+
+'Pinch,' said Mary.
+
+'Mr Pinch would have arrived before us, Pecksniff.'
+
+'He did arrive before you, my dear sir,' retorted Pecksniff, raising his
+voice for the edification of Tom upon the stairs, 'and was about, I dare
+say, to tell me of your coming, when I begged him first to knock at my
+daughters' chamber, and inquire after Charity, my dear child, who is not
+so well as I could wish. No,' said Mr Pecksniff, answering their looks,
+'I am sorry to say, she is not. It is merely an hysterical affection;
+nothing more, I am not uneasy. Mr Pinch! Thomas!' exclaimed Pecksniff,
+in his kindest accents. 'Pray come in. I shall make no stranger of you.
+Thomas is a friend of mine, of rather long-standing, Mr Chuzzlewit, you
+must know.'
+
+'Thank you, sir,' said Tom. 'You introduce me very kindly, and speak of
+me in terms of which I am very proud.'
+
+'Old Thomas!' cried his master, pleasantly 'God bless you!'
+
+Tom reported that the young ladies would appear directly, and that
+the best refreshments which the house afforded were even then in
+preparation, under their joint superintendence. While he was speaking,
+the old man looked at him intently, though with less harshness than was
+common to him; nor did the mutual embarrassment of Tom and the
+young lady, to whatever cause he attributed it, seem to escape his
+observation.
+
+'Pecksniff,' he said after a pause, rising and taking him aside towards
+the window, 'I was much shocked on hearing of my brother's death. We
+had been strangers for many years. My only comfort is that he must
+have lived the happier and better man for having associated no hopes or
+schemes with me. Peace to his memory! We were play-fellows once; and it
+would have been better for us both if we had died then.'
+
+Finding him in this gentle mood, Mr Pecksniff began to see another way
+out of his difficulties, besides the casting overboard of Jonas.
+
+'That any man, my dear sir, could possibly be the happier for not
+knowing you,' he returned, 'you will excuse my doubting. But that Mr
+Anthony, in the evening of his life, was happier in the affection of his
+excellent son--a pattern, my dear sir, a pattern to all sons--and in the
+care of a distant relation who, however lowly in his means of serving
+him, had no bounds to his inclination; I can inform you.'
+
+'How's this?' said the old man. 'You are not a legatee?'
+
+'You don't,' said Mr Pecksniff, with a melancholy pressure of his hand,
+'quite understand my nature yet, I find. No, sir, I am not a legatee. I
+am proud to say I am not a legatee. I am proud to say that neither of my
+children is a legatee. And yet, sir, I was with him at his own request.
+HE understood me somewhat better, sir. He wrote and said, "I am sick. I
+am sinking. Come to me!" I went to him. I sat beside his bed, sir, and
+I stood beside his grave. Yes, at the risk of offending even you, I did
+it, sir. Though the avowal should lead to our instant separation, and
+to the severing of those tender ties between us which have recently been
+formed, I make it. But I am not a legatee,' said Mr Pecksniff, smiling
+dispassionately; 'and I never expected to be a legatee. I knew better!'
+
+'His son a pattern!' cried old Martin. 'How can you tell me that? My
+brother had in his wealth the usual doom of wealth, and root of misery.
+He carried his corrupting influence with him, go where he would; and
+shed it round him, even on his hearth. It made of his own child a
+greedy expectant, who measured every day and hour the lessening distance
+between his father and the grave, and cursed his tardy progress on that
+dismal road.'
+
+'No!' cried Mr Pecksniff, boldly. 'Not at all, sir!'
+
+'But I saw that shadow in his house,' said Martin Chuzzlewit, 'the last
+time we met, and warned him of its presence. I know it when I see it, do
+I not? I, who have lived within it all these years!'
+
+'I deny it,' Mr Pecksniff answered, warmly. 'I deny it altogether. That
+bereaved young man is now in this house, sir, seeking in change of scene
+the peace of mind he has lost. Shall I be backward in doing justice to
+that young man, when even undertakers and coffin-makers have been moved
+by the conduct he has exhibited; when even mutes have spoken in his
+praise, and the medical man hasn't known what to do with himself in
+the excitement of his feelings! There is a person of the name of Gamp,
+sir--Mrs Gamp--ask her. She saw Mr Jonas in a trying time. Ask HER, sir.
+She is respectable, but not sentimental, and will state the fact. A line
+addressed to Mrs Gamp, at the Bird Shop, Kingsgate Street, High Holborn,
+London, will meet with every attention, I have no doubt. Let her be
+examined, my good sir. Strike, but hear! Leap, Mr Chuzzlewit, but look!
+Forgive me, my dear sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking both his hands, 'if
+I am warm; but I am honest, and must state the truth.'
+
+In proof of the character he gave himself, Mr Pecksniff suffered tears
+of honesty to ooze out of his eyes.
+
+The old man gazed at him for a moment with a look of wonder, repeating
+to himself, 'Here now! In this house!' But he mastered his surprise, and
+said, after a pause:
+
+'Let me see him.'
+
+'In a friendly spirit, I hope?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Forgive me, sir but
+he is in the receipt of my humble hospitality.'
+
+'I said,' replied the old man, 'let me see him. If I were disposed to
+regard him in any other than a friendly spirit, I should have said keep
+us apart.'
+
+'Certainly, my dear sir. So you would. You are frankness itself, I know.
+I will break this happiness to him,' said Mr Pecksniff, as he left the
+room, 'if you will excuse me for a minute--gently.'
+
+He paved the way to the disclosure so very gently, that a quarter of an
+hour elapsed before he returned with Mr Jonas. In the meantime the young
+ladies had made their appearance, and the table had been set out for the
+refreshment of the travellers.
+
+Now, however well Mr Pecksniff, in his morality, had taught Jonas the
+lesson of dutiful behaviour to his uncle, and however perfectly Jonas,
+in the cunning of his nature, had learnt it, that young man's bearing,
+when presented to his father's brother, was anything but manly or
+engaging. Perhaps, indeed, so singular a mixture of defiance and
+obsequiousness, of fear and hardihood, of dogged sullenness and an
+attempt at enraging and propitiation, never was expressed in any one
+human figure as in that of Jonas, when, having raised his downcast
+eyes to Martin's face, he let them fall again, and uneasily closing
+and unclosing his hands without a moment's intermission, stood swinging
+himself from side to side, waiting to be addressed.
+
+'Nephew,' said the old man. 'You have been a dutiful son, I hear.'
+
+'As dutiful as sons in general, I suppose,' returned Jonas, looking up
+and down once more. 'I don't brag to have been any better than other
+sons; but I haven't been any worse, I dare say.'
+
+'A pattern to all sons, I am told,' said the old man, glancing towards
+Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Ecod!' said Jonas, looking up again for a moment, and shaking his head,
+'I've been as good a son as ever you were a brother. It's the pot and
+the kettle, if you come to that.'
+
+'You speak bitterly, in the violence of your regret,' said Martin, after
+a pause. 'Give me your hand.'
+
+Jonas did so, and was almost at his ease. 'Pecksniff,' he whispered,
+as they drew their chairs about the table; 'I gave him as good as he
+brought, eh? He had better look at home, before he looks out of window,
+I think?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff only answered by a nudge of the elbow, which might either
+be construed into an indignant remonstrance or a cordial assent; but
+which, in any case, was an emphatic admonition to his chosen son-in-law
+to be silent. He then proceeded to do the honours of the house with his
+accustomed ease and amiability.
+
+But not even Mr Pecksniff's guileless merriment could set such a
+party at their ease, or reconcile materials so utterly discordant
+and conflicting as those with which he had to deal. The unspeakable
+jealously and hatred which that night's explanation had sown in
+Charity's breast, was not to be so easily kept down; and more than
+once it showed itself in such intensity, as seemed to render a full
+disclosure of all the circumstances then and there, impossible to be
+avoided. The beauteous Merry, too, with all the glory of her conquest
+fresh upon her, so probed and lanced the rankling disappointment of her
+sister by her capricious airs and thousand little trials of Mr Jonas's
+obedience, that she almost goaded her into a fit of madness, and obliged
+her to retire from table in a burst of passion, hardly less vehement
+than that to which she had abandoned herself in the first tumult of her
+wrath. The constraint imposed upon the family by the presence among
+them for the first time of Mary Graham (for by that name old Martin
+Chuzzlewit had introduced her) did not at all improve this state of
+things; gentle and quiet though her manner was. Mr Pecksniff's situation
+was peculiarly trying; for, what with having constantly to keep the
+peace between his daughters; to maintain a reasonable show of affection
+and unity in his household; to curb the growing ease and gaiety of
+Jonas, which vented itself in sundry insolences towards Mr Pinch, and
+an indefinable coarseness of manner in reference to Mary (they being the
+two dependants); to make no mention at all of his having perpetually to
+conciliate his rich old relative, and to smooth down, or explain
+away, some of the ten thousand bad appearances and combinations of bad
+appearances, by which they were surrounded on that unlucky evening--what
+with having to do this, and it would be difficult to sum up how much
+more, without the least relief or assistance from anybody, it may be
+easily imagined that Mr Pecksniff had in his enjoyment something more
+than that usual portion of alloy which is mixed up with the best of
+men's delights. Perhaps he had never in his life felt such relief as
+when old Martin, looking at his watch, announced that it was time to go.
+
+'We have rooms,' he said, 'at the Dragon, for the present. I have a
+fancy for the evening walk. The nights are dark just now; perhaps Mr
+Pinch would not object to light us home?'
+
+'My dear sir!' cried Pecksniff, 'I shall be delighted. Merry, my child,
+the lantern.'
+
+'The lantern, if you please, my dear,' said Martin; 'but I couldn't
+think of taking your father out of doors to-night; and, to be brief, I
+won't.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff already had his hat in his hand, but it was so emphatically
+said that he paused.
+
+'I take Mr Pinch, or go alone,' said Martin. 'Which shall it be?'
+
+'It shall be Thomas, sir,' cried Pecksniff, 'since you are so resolute
+upon it. Thomas, my friend, be very careful, if you please.'
+
+Tom was in some need of this injunction, for he felt so nervous, and
+trembled to such a degree, that he found it difficult to hold the
+lantern. How much more difficult when, at the old man's bidding she drew
+her hand through his--Tom Pinch's--arm!
+
+'And so, Mr Pinch,' said Martin, on the way, 'you are very comfortably
+situated here; are you?'
+
+Tom answered, with even more than his usual enthusiasm, that he was
+under obligations to Mr Pecksniff which the devotion of a lifetime would
+but imperfectly repay.
+
+'How long have you known my nephew?' asked Martin.
+
+'Your nephew, sir?' faltered Tom.
+
+'Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit,' said Mary.
+
+'Oh dear, yes,' cried Tom, greatly relieved, for his mind was running
+upon Martin. 'Certainly. I never spoke to him before to-night, sir!'
+
+'Perhaps half a lifetime will suffice for the acknowledgment of HIS
+kindness,' observed the old man.
+
+Tom felt that this was a rebuff for him, and could not but understand it
+as a left-handed hit at his employer. So he was silent. Mary felt that
+Mr Pinch was not remarkable for presence of mind, and that he could not
+say too little under existing circumstances. So SHE was silent. The
+old man, disgusted by what in his suspicious nature he considered a
+shameless and fulsome puff of Mr Pecksniff, which was a part of Tom's
+hired service and in which he was determined to persevere, set him down
+at once for a deceitful, servile, miserable fawner. So HE was silent.
+And though they were all sufficiently uncomfortable, it is fair to say
+that Martin was perhaps the most so; for he had felt kindly towards Tom
+at first, and had been interested by his seeming simplicity.
+
+'You're like the rest,' he thought, glancing at the face of the
+unconscious Tom. 'You had nearly imposed upon me, but you have lost
+your labour. You are too zealous a toad-eater, and betray yourself, Mr
+Pinch.'
+
+During the whole remainder of the walk, not another word was spoken.
+First among the meetings to which Tom had long looked forward with
+a beating heart, it was memorable for nothing but embarrassment
+and confusion. They parted at the Dragon door; and sighing as he
+extinguished the candle in the lantern, Tom turned back again over the
+gloomy fields.
+
+As he approached the first stile, which was in a lonely part, made very
+dark by a plantation of young firs, a man slipped past him and went on
+before. Coming to the stile he stopped, and took his seat upon it.
+Tom was rather startled, and for a moment stood still, but he stepped
+forward again immediately, and went close up to him.
+
+It was Jonas; swinging his legs to and fro, sucking the head of a stick,
+and looking with a sneer at Tom.
+
+'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, 'who would have thought of its being you!
+You followed us, then?'
+
+'What's that to you?' said Jonas. 'Go to the devil!'
+
+'You are not very civil, I think,' remarked Tom.
+
+'Civil enough for YOU,' retorted Jonas. 'Who are you?'
+
+'One who has as good a right to common consideration as another,' said
+Tom mildly.
+
+'You're a liar,' said Jonas. 'You haven't a right to any consideration.
+You haven't a right to anything. You're a pretty sort of fellow to talk
+about your rights, upon my soul! Ha, ha!--Rights, too!'
+
+'If you proceed in this way,' returned Tom, reddening, 'you will oblige
+me to talk about my wrongs. But I hope your joke is over.'
+
+'It's the way with you curs,' said Mr Jonas, 'that when you know a man's
+in real earnest, you pretend to think he's joking, so that you may turn
+it off. But that won't do with me. It's too stale. Now just attend to me
+for a bit, Mr Pitch, or Witch, or Stitch, or whatever your name is.'
+
+'My name is Pinch,' observed Tom. 'Have the goodness to call me by it.'
+
+'What! You mustn't even be called out of your name, mustn't you!' cried
+Jonas. 'Pauper' prentices are looking up, I think. Ecod, we manage 'em a
+little better in the city!'
+
+'Never mind what you do in the city,' said Tom. 'What have you got to
+say to me?'
+
+'Just this, Mister Pinch,' retorted Jonas, thrusting his face so close
+to Tom's that Tom was obliged to retreat a step. 'I advise you to keep
+your own counsel, and to avoid title-tattle, and not to cut in where
+you're not wanted. I've heard something of you, my friend, and your
+meek ways; and I recommend you to forget 'em till I am married to one
+of Pecksniff's gals, and not to curry favour among my relations, but
+to leave the course clear. You know, when curs won't leave the course
+clear, they're whipped off; so this is kind advice. Do you understand?
+Eh? Damme, who are you,' cried Jonas, with increased contempt, 'that
+you should walk home with THEM, unless it was behind 'em, like any other
+servant out of livery?'
+
+'Come!' cried Tom, 'I see that you had better get off the stile, and let
+me pursue my way home. Make room for me, if you please.'
+
+'Don't think it!' said Jonas, spreading out his legs. 'Not till I
+choose. And I don't choose now. What! You're afraid of my making you
+split upon some of your babbling just now, are you, Sneak?'
+
+'I am not afraid of many things, I hope,' said Tom; 'and certainly not
+of anything that you will do. I am not a tale-bearer, and I despise all
+meanness. You quite mistake me. Ah!' cried Tom, indignantly. 'Is this
+manly from one in your position to one in mine? Please to make room for
+me to pass. The less I say, the better.'
+
+'The less you say!' retorted Jonas, dangling his legs the more, and
+taking no heed of this request. 'You say very little, don't you? Ecod, I
+should like to know what goes on between you and a vagabond member of my
+family. There's very little in that too, I dare say!'
+
+'I know no vagabond member of your family,' cried Tom, stoutly.
+
+'You do!' said Jonas.
+
+'I don't,' said Tom. 'Your uncle's namesake, if you mean him, is no
+vagabond. Any comparison between you and him'--Tom snapped his fingers
+at him, for he was rising fast in wrath--'is immeasurably to your
+disadvantage.'
+
+'Oh indeed!' sneered Jonas. 'And what do you think of his deary--his
+beggarly leavings, eh, Mister Pinch?'
+
+'I don't mean to say another word, or stay here another instant,'
+replied Tom.
+
+'As I told you before, you're a liar,' said Jonas, coolly. 'You'll stay
+here till I give you leave to go. Now, keep where you are, will you?'
+
+He flourished his stick over Tom's head; but in a moment it was spinning
+harmlessly in the air, and Jonas himself lay sprawling in the ditch. In
+the momentary struggle for the stick, Tom had brought it into violent
+contact with his opponent's forehead; and the blood welled out profusely
+from a deep cut on the temple. Tom was first apprised of this by seeing
+that he pressed his handkerchief to the wounded part, and staggered as
+he rose, being stunned.
+
+'Are you hurt?' said Tom. 'I am very sorry. Lean on me for a moment.
+You can do that without forgiving me, if you still bear me malice. But I
+don't know why; for I never offended you before we met on this spot.'
+
+He made him no answer; not appearing at first to understand him, or even
+to know that he was hurt, though he several times took his handkerchief
+from the cut to look vacantly at the blood upon it. After one of these
+examinations, he looked at Tom, and then there was an expression in
+his features, which showed that he understood what had taken place, and
+would remember it.
+
+Nothing more passed between them as they went home. Jonas kept a little
+in advance, and Tom Pinch sadly followed, thinking of the grief which
+the knowledge of this quarrel must occasion his excellent benefactor.
+When Jonas knocked at the door, Tom's heart beat high; higher when Miss
+Mercy answered it, and seeing her wounded lover, shireked aloud; higher,
+when he followed them into the family parlour; higher than at any other
+time, when Jonas spoke.
+
+'Don't make a noise about it,' he said. 'It's nothing worth mentioning.
+I didn't know the road; the night's very dark; and just as I came up
+with Mr Pinch'--he turned his face towards Tom, but not his eyes--'I ran
+against a tree. It's only skin deep.'
+
+'Cold water, Merry, my child!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Brown paper!
+Scissors! A piece of old linen! Charity, my dear, make a bandage. Bless
+me, Mr Jonas!'
+
+'Oh, bother YOUR nonsense,' returned the gracious son-in-law elect. 'Be
+of some use if you can. If you can't, get out!'
+
+Miss Charity, though called upon to lend her aid, sat upright in one
+corner, with a smile upon her face, and didn't move a finger. Though
+Mercy laved the wound herself; and Mr Pecksniff held the patient's head
+between his two hands, as if without that assistance it must inevitably
+come in half; and Tom Pinch, in his guilty agitation, shook a bottle of
+Dutch Drops until they were nothing but English Froth, and in his other
+hand sustained a formidable carving-knife, really intended to reduce the
+swelling, but apparently designed for the ruthless infliction of another
+wound as soon as that was dressed; Charity rendered not the least
+assistance, nor uttered a word. But when Mr Jonas's head was bound up,
+and he had gone to bed, and everybody else had retired, and the house
+was quiet, Mr Pinch, as he sat mournfully on his bedstead, ruminating,
+heard a gentle tap at his door; and opening it, saw her, to his great
+astonishment, standing before him with her finger on her lip.
+
+'Mr Pinch,' she whispered. 'Dear Mr Pinch! Tell me the truth! You did
+that? There was some quarrel between you, and you struck him? I am sure
+of it!'
+
+It was the first time she had ever spoken kindly to Tom, in all the many
+years they had passed together. He was stupefied with amazement.
+
+'Was it so, or not?' she eagerly demanded.
+
+'I was very much provoked,' said Tom.
+
+'Then it was?' cried Charity, with sparkling eyes.
+
+'Ye-yes. We had a struggle for the path,' said Tom. 'But I didn't mean
+to hurt him so much.'
+
+'Not so much!' she repeated, clenching her hand and stamping her foot,
+to Tom's great wonder. 'Don't say that. It was brave of you. I honour
+you for it. If you should ever quarrel again, don't spare him for the
+world, but beat him down and set your shoe upon him. Not a word of this
+to anybody. Dear Mr Pinch, I am your friend from tonight. I am always
+your friend from this time.'
+
+She turned her flushed face upon Tom to confirm her words by its
+kindling expression; and seizing his right hand, pressed it to her
+breast, and kissed it. And there was nothing personal in this to render
+it at all embarrassing, for even Tom, whose power of observation was by
+no means remarkable, knew from the energy with which she did it that she
+would have fondled any hand, no matter how bedaubed or dyed, that had
+broken the head of Jonas Chuzzlewit.
+
+Tom went into his room, and went to bed, full of uncomfortable thoughts.
+That there should be any such tremendous division in the family as he
+knew must have taken place to convert Charity Pecksniff into his friend,
+for any reason, but, above all, for that which was clearly the real one;
+that Jonas, who had assailed him with such exceeding coarseness, should
+have been sufficiently magnanimous to keep the secret of their quarrel;
+and that any train of circumstances should have led to the commission of
+an assault and battery by Thomas Pinch upon any man calling himself
+the friend of Seth Pecksniff; were matters of such deep and painful
+cogitation that he could not close his eyes. His own violence, in
+particular, so preyed upon the generous mind of Tom, that coupling it
+with the many former occasions on which he had given Mr Pecksniff pain
+and anxiety (occasions of which that gentleman often reminded him), he
+really began to regard himself as destined by a mysterious fate to be
+the evil genius and bad angel of his patron. But he fell asleep at last,
+and dreamed--new source of waking uneasiness--that he had betrayed his
+trust, and run away with Mary Graham.
+
+It must be acknowledged that, asleep or awake, Tom's position in
+reference to this young lady was full of uneasiness. The more he saw
+of her, the more he admired her beauty, her intelligence, the amiable
+qualities that even won on the divided house of Pecksniff, and in a
+few days restored, at all events, the semblance of harmony and kindness
+between the angry sisters. When she spoke, Tom held his breath, so
+eagerly he listened; when she sang, he sat like one entranced. She
+touched his organ, and from that bright epoch even it, the old companion
+of his happiest hours, incapable as he had thought of elevation, began a
+new and deified existence.
+
+God's love upon thy patience, Tom! Who, that had beheld thee, for three
+summer weeks, poring through half the deadlong night over the jingling
+anatomy of that inscrutable old harpsichord in the back parlour, could
+have missed the entrance to thy secret heart: albeit it was dimly known
+to thee? Who that had seen the glow upon thy cheek when leaning down to
+listen, after hours of labour, for the sound of one incorrigible note,
+thou foundest that it had a voice at last, and wheezed out a flat
+something, distantly akin to what it ought to be, would not have known
+that it was destined for no common touch, but one that smote, though
+gently as an angel's hand, upon the deepest chord within thee! And if
+a friendly glance--aye, even though it were as guileless as thine own,
+Dear Tom--could have but pierced the twilight of that evening, when, in
+a voice well tempered to the time, sad, sweet, and low, yet hopeful, she
+first sang to the altered instrument, and wondered at the change;
+and thou, sitting apart at the open window, kept a glad silence and a
+swelling heart--must not that glance have read perforce the dawning of a
+story, Tom, that it were well for thee had never been begun!
+
+Tom Pinch's situation was not made the less dangerous or difficult by
+the fact of no one word passing between them in reference to Martin.
+Honourably mindful of his promise, Tom gave her opportunities of all
+kinds. Early and late he was in the church; in her favourite walks; in
+the village, in the garden, in the meadows; and in any or all of these
+places he might have spoken freely. But no; at all such times she
+carefully avoided him, or never came in his way unaccompanied. It could
+not be that she disliked or distrusted him, for by a thousand little
+delicate means, too slight for any notice but his own, she singled
+him out when others were present, and showed herself the very soul of
+kindness. Could it be that she had broken with Martin, or had never
+returned his affection, save in his own bold and heightened fancy? Tom's
+cheek grew red with self-reproach as he dismissed the thought.
+
+All this time old Martin came and went in his own strange manner, or sat
+among the rest absorbed within himself, and holding little intercourse
+with any one. Although he was unsocial, he was not willful in other
+things, or troublesome, or morose; being never better pleased than
+when they left him quite unnoticed at his book, and pursued their own
+amusements in his presence, unreserved. It was impossible to discern in
+whom he took an interest, or whether he had an interest in any of them.
+Unless they spoke to him directly, he never showed that he had ears or
+eyes for anything that passed.
+
+One day the lively Merry, sitting with downcast eyes under a shady tree
+in the churchyard, whither she had retired after fatiguing herself by
+the imposition of sundry trials on the temper of Mr Jonas, felt that
+a new shadow came between her and the sun. Raising her eyes in the
+expectation of seeing her betrothed, she was not a little surprised to
+see old Martin instead. Her surprise was not diminished when he took his
+seat upon the turf beside her, and opened a conversation thus:
+
+'When are you to be married?'
+
+'Oh! dear Mr Chuzzlewit, my goodness me! I'm sure I don't know. Not yet
+awhile, I hope.'
+
+'You hope?' said the old man.
+
+It was very gravely said, but she took it for banter, and giggled
+excessively.
+
+'Come!' said the old man, with unusual kindness, 'you are young,
+good-looking, and I think good-natured! Frivolous you are, and love to
+be, undoubtedly; but you must have some heart.'
+
+'I have not given it all away, I can tell you,' said Merry, nodding her
+head shrewdly, and plucking up the grass.
+
+'Have you parted with any of it?'
+
+She threw the grass about, and looked another way, but said nothing.
+
+Martin repeated his question.
+
+'Lor, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit! really you must excuse me! How very odd you
+are.'
+
+'If it be odd in me to desire to know whether you love the young man
+whom I understand you are to marry, I AM very odd,' said Martin. 'For
+that is certainly my wish.'
+
+'He's such a monster, you know,' said Merry, pouting.
+
+'Then you don't love him?' returned the old man. 'Is that your meaning?'
+
+'Why, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I'm sure I tell him a hundred times a day
+that I hate him. You must have heard me tell him that.'
+
+'Often,' said Martin.
+
+'And so I do,' cried Merry. 'I do positively.'
+
+'Being at the same time engaged to marry him,' observed the old man.
+
+'Oh yes,' said Merry. 'But I told the wretch--my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I
+told him when he asked me--that if I ever did marry him, it should only
+be that I might hate and tease him all my life.'
+
+She had a suspicion that the old man regarded Jonas with anything but
+favour, and intended these remarks to be extremely captivating. He did
+not appear, however, to regard them in that light by any means; for when
+he spoke again, it was in a tone of severity.
+
+'Look about you,' he said, pointing to the graves; 'and remember that
+from your bridal hour to the day which sees you brought as low as these,
+and laid in such a bed, there will be no appeal against him. Think, and
+speak, and act, for once, like an accountable creature. Is any control
+put upon your inclinations? Are you forced into this match? Are you
+insidiously advised or tempted to contract it, by any one? I will not
+ask by whom; by any one?'
+
+'No,' said Merry, shrugging her shoulders. 'I don't know that I am.'
+
+'Don't know that you are! Are you?'
+
+'No,' replied Merry. 'Nobody ever said anything to me about it. If any
+one had tried to make me have him, I wouldn't have had him at all.'
+
+'I am told that he was at first supposed to be your sister's admirer,'
+said Martin.
+
+'Oh, good gracious! My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, it would be very hard to make
+him, though he IS a monster, accountable for other people's vanity,'
+said Merry. 'And poor dear Cherry is the vainest darling!'
+
+'It was her mistake, then?'
+
+'I hope it was,' cried Merry; 'but, all along, the dear child has been
+so dreadfully jealous, and SO cross, that, upon my word and honour, it's
+impossible to please her, and it's of no use trying.'
+
+'Not forced, persuaded, or controlled,' said Martin, thoughtfully. 'And
+that's true, I see. There is one chance yet. You may have lapsed into
+this engagement in very giddiness. It may have been the wanton act of a
+light head. Is that so?'
+
+'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' simpered Merry, 'as to light-headedness, there
+never was such a feather of a head as mine. It's perfect balloon, I
+declare! You never DID, you know!'
+
+He waited quietly till she had finished, and then said, steadily
+and slowly, and in a softened voice, as if he would still invite her
+confidence:
+
+'Have you any wish--or is there anything within your breast that
+whispers you may form the wish, if you have time to think--to be
+released from this engagement?'
+
+Again Miss Merry pouted, and looked down, and plucked the grass, and
+shrugged her shoulders. No. She didn't know that she had. She was pretty
+sure she hadn't. Quite sure, she might say. She 'didn't mind it.'
+
+'Has it ever occurred to you,' said Martin, 'that your married life may
+perhaps be miserable, full of bitterness, and most unhappy?'
+
+Merry looked down again; and now she tore the grass up by the roots.
+
+'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit, what shocking words! Of course, I shall quarrel
+with him. I should quarrel with any husband. Married people always
+quarrel, I believe. But as to being miserable, and bitter, and all those
+dreadful things, you know, why I couldn't be absolutely that, unless he
+always had the best of it; and I mean to have the best of it myself. I
+always do now,' cried Merry, nodding her head and giggling very much;
+'for I make a perfect slave of the creature.'
+
+'Let it go on,' said Martin, rising. 'Let it go on! I sought to know
+your mind, my dear, and you have shown it me. I wish you joy. Joy!' he
+repeated, looking full upon her, and pointing to the wicket-gate where
+Jonas entered at the moment. And then, without waiting for his nephew,
+he passed out at another gate, and went away.
+
+'Oh, you terrible old man!' cried the facetious Merry to herself. 'What
+a perfectly hideous monster to be wandering about churchyards in the
+broad daylight, frightening people out of their wits! Don't come here,
+Griffin, or I'll go away directly.'
+
+Mr Jonas was the Griffin. He sat down upon the grass at her side, in
+spite of this warning, and sulkily inquired:
+
+'What's my uncle been a-talking about?'
+
+'About you,' rejoined Merry. 'He says you're not half good enough for
+me.'
+
+'Oh, yes, I dare say! We all know that. He means to give you some
+present worth having, I hope. Did he say anything that looked like it?'
+
+'THAT he didn't!' cried Merry, most decisively.
+
+'A stingy old dog he is,' said Jonas. 'Well?'
+
+'Griffin!' cried Miss Mercy, in counterfeit amazement; 'what are you
+doing, Griffin?'
+
+'Only giving you a squeeze,' said the discomfited Jonas. 'There's no
+harm in that, I suppose?'
+
+'But there is great deal of harm in it, if I don't consider it
+agreeable,' returned his cousin. 'Do go along, will you? You make me so
+hot!'
+
+Mr Jonas withdrew his arm, and for a moment looked at her more like a
+murderer than a lover. But he cleared his brow by degrees, and broke
+silence with:
+
+'I say, Mel!'
+
+'What do you say, you vulgar thing--you low savage?' cried his fair
+betrothed.
+
+'When is it to be? I can't afford to go on dawdling about here half
+my life, I needn't tell you, and Pecksniff says that father's being so
+lately dead makes very little odds; for we can be married as quiet as we
+please down here, and my being lonely is a good reason to the neighbours
+for taking a wife home so soon, especially one that he knew. As to
+crossbones (my uncle, I mean), he's sure not to put a spoke in the
+wheel, whatever we settle on, for he told Pecksniff only this morning,
+that if YOU liked it he'd nothing at all to say. So, Mel,' said Jonas,
+venturing on another squeeze; 'when shall it be?'
+
+'Upon my word!' cried Merry.
+
+'Upon my soul, if you like,' said Jonas. 'What do you say to next week,
+now?'
+
+'To next week! If you had said next quarter, I should have wondered at
+your impudence.'
+
+'But I didn't say next quarter,' retorted Jonas. 'I said next week.'
+
+'Then, Griffin,' cried Miss Merry, pushing him off, and rising. 'I say
+no! not next week. It shan't be till I choose, and I may not choose it
+to be for months. There!'
+
+He glanced up at her from the ground, almost as darkly as he had looked
+at Tom Pinch; but held his peace.
+
+'No fright of a Griffin with a patch over his eye shall dictate to me or
+have a voice in the matter,' said Merry. 'There!'
+
+Still Mr Jonas held his peace.
+
+'If it's next month, that shall be the very earliest; but I won't say
+when it shall be till to-morrow; and if you don't like that, it shall
+never be at all,' said Merry; 'and if you follow me about and won't
+leave me alone, it shall never be at all. There! And if you don't do
+everything I order you to do, it shall never be at all. So don't follow
+me. There, Griffin!'
+
+And with that, she skipped away, among the trees.
+
+'Ecod, my lady!' said Jonas, looking after her, and biting a piece
+of straw, almost to powder; 'you'll catch it for this, when you ARE
+married. It's all very well now--it keeps one on, somehow, and you know
+it--but I'll pay you off scot and lot by-and-bye. This is a plaguey dull
+sort of a place for a man to be sitting by himself in. I never could
+abide a mouldy old churchyard.'
+
+As he turned into the avenue himself, Miss Merry, who was far ahead,
+happened to look back.
+
+'Ah!' said Jonas, with a sullen smile, and a nod that was not addressed
+to her. 'Make the most of it while it lasts. Get in your hay while the
+sun shines. Take your own way as long as it's in your power, my lady!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
+
+IS IN PART PROFESSIONAL, AND FURNISHES THE READER WITH SOME VALUABLE
+HINTS IN RELATION TO THE MANAGEMENT OF A SICK CHAMBER
+
+
+Mr Mould was surrounded by his household gods. He was enjoying the
+sweets of domestic repose, and gazing on them with a calm delight. The
+day being sultry, and the window open, the legs of Mr Mould were on the
+window-seat, and his back reclined against the shutter. Over his shining
+head a handkerchief was drawn, to guard his baldness from the flies. The
+room was fragrant with the smell of punch, a tumbler of which grateful
+compound stood upon a small round table, convenient to the hand of
+Mr Mould; so deftly mixed that as his eye looked down into the cool
+transparent drink, another eye, peering brightly from behind the crisp
+lemon-peel, looked up at him, and twinkled like a star.
+
+Deep in the City, and within the ward of Cheap, stood Mr Mould's
+establishment. His Harem, or, in other words, the common sitting room
+of Mrs Mould and family, was at the back, over the little counting-house
+behind the shop; abutting on a churchyard small and shady. In this
+domestic chamber Mr Mould now sat; gazing, a placid man, upon his punch
+and home. If, for a moment at a time, he sought a wider prospect, whence
+he might return with freshened zest to these enjoyments, his moist
+glance wandered like a sunbeam through a rural screen of scarlet
+runners, trained on strings before the window, and he looked down, with
+an artist's eye, upon the graves.
+
+The partner of his life, and daughters twain, were Mr Mould's
+companions. Plump as any partridge was each Miss Mould, and Mrs M.
+was plumper than the two together. So round and chubby were their fair
+proportions, that they might have been the bodies once belonging to the
+angels' faces in the shop below, grown up, with other heads attached
+to make them mortal. Even their peachy cheeks were puffed out and
+distended, as though they ought of right to be performing on celestial
+trumpets. The bodiless cherubs in the shop, who were depicted as
+constantly blowing those instruments for ever and ever without any
+lungs, played, it is to be presumed, entirely by ear.
+
+Mr Mould looked lovingly at Mrs Mould, who sat hard by, and was a
+helpmate to him in his punch as in all other things. Each seraph
+daughter, too, enjoyed her share of his regards, and smiled upon him in
+return. So bountiful were Mr Mould's possessions, and so large his
+stock in trade, that even there, within his household sanctuary, stood
+a cumbrous press, whose mahogany maw was filled with shrouds, and
+winding-sheets, and other furniture of funerals. But, though the Misses
+Mould had been brought up, as one may say, beneath his eye, it had cast
+no shadow on their timid infancy or blooming youth. Sporting behind
+the scenes of death and burial from cradlehood, the Misses Mould knew
+better. Hat-bands, to them, were but so many yards of silk or crape; the
+final robe but such a quantity of linen. The Misses Mould could idealise
+a player's habit, or a court-lady's petticoat, or even an act of
+parliament. But they were not to be taken in by palls. They made them
+sometimes.
+
+The premises of Mr Mould were hard of hearing to the boisterous noises
+in the great main streets, and nestled in a quiet corner, where the City
+strife became a drowsy hum, that sometimes rose and sometimes fell and
+sometimes altogether ceased; suggesting to a thoughtful mind a stoppage
+in Cheapside. The light came sparkling in among the scarlet runners,
+as if the churchyard winked at Mr Mould, and said, 'We understand
+each other;' and from the distant shop a pleasant sound arose of
+coffin-making with a low melodious hammer, rat, tat, tat, tat, alike
+promoting slumber and digestion.
+
+'Quite the buzz of insects,' said Mr Mould, closing his eyes in a
+perfect luxury. 'It puts one in mind of the sound of animated nature in
+the agricultural districts. It's exactly like the woodpecker tapping.'
+
+'The woodpecker tapping the hollow ELM tree,' observed Mrs Mould,
+adapting the words of the popular melody to the description of wood
+commonly used in the trade.
+
+'Ha, ha!' laughed Mr Mould. 'Not at all bad, my dear. We shall be glad
+to hear from you again, Mrs M. Hollow elm tree, eh! Ha, ha! Very good
+indeed. I've seen worse than that in the Sunday papers, my love.'
+
+Mrs Mould, thus encouraged, took a little more of the punch, and handed
+it to her daughters, who dutifully followed the example of their mother.
+
+'Hollow ELM tree, eh?' said Mr Mould, making a slight motion with his
+legs in his enjoyment of the joke. 'It's beech in the song. Elm, eh?
+Yes, to be sure. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my soul, that's one of the best things
+I know?' He was so excessively tickled by the jest that he couldn't
+forget it, but repeated twenty times, 'Elm, eh? Yes, to be sure. Elm,
+of course. Ha, ha, ha! Upon my life, you know, that ought to be sent to
+somebody who could make use of it. It's one of the smartest things that
+ever was said. Hollow ELM tree, eh? of course. Very hollow. Ha, ha, ha!'
+
+Here a knock was heard at the room door.
+
+'That's Tacker, I know,' said Mrs Mould, 'by the wheezing he makes. Who
+that hears him now, would suppose he'd ever had wind enough to carry the
+feathers on his head! Come in, Tacker.'
+
+'Beg your pardon, ma'am,' said Tacker, looking in a little way. 'I
+thought our Governor was here.'
+
+'Well! so he is,' cried Mould.
+
+'Oh! I didn't see you, I'm sure,' said Tacker, looking in a little
+farther. 'You wouldn't be inclined to take a walking one of two, with
+the plain wood and a tin plate, I suppose?'
+
+'Certainly not,' replied Mr Mould, 'much too common. Nothing to say to
+it.'
+
+'I told 'em it was precious low,' observed Mr Tacker.
+
+'Tell 'em to go somewhere else. We don't do that style of business
+here,' said Mr Mould. 'Like their impudence to propose it. Who is it?'
+
+'Why,' returned Tacker, pausing, 'that's where it is, you see. It's the
+beadle's son-in-law.'
+
+'The beadle's son-in-law, eh?' said Mould. 'Well! I'll do it if the
+beadle follows in his cocked hat; not else. We carry it off that way, by
+looking official, but it'll be low enough, then. His cocked hat, mind!'
+
+'I'll take care, sir,' rejoined Tacker. 'Oh! Mrs Gamp's below, and wants
+to speak to you.'
+
+'Tell Mrs Gamp to come upstairs,' said Mould. 'Now Mrs Gamp, what's YOUR
+news?'
+
+The lady in question was by this time in the doorway, curtseying to
+Mrs Mould. At the same moment a peculiar fragrance was borne upon the
+breeze, as if a passing fairy had hiccoughed, and had previously been to
+a wine-vaults.
+
+Mrs Gamp made no response to Mr Mould, but curtseyed to Mrs Mould again,
+and held up her hands and eyes, as in a devout thanksgiving that she
+looked so well. She was neatly, but not gaudily attired, in the
+weeds she had worn when Mr Pecksniff had the pleasure of making her
+acquaintance; and was perhaps the turning of a scale more snuffy.
+
+'There are some happy creeturs,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'as time runs
+back'ards with, and you are one, Mrs Mould; not that he need do nothing
+except use you in his most owldacious way for years to come, I'm
+sure; for young you are and will be. I says to Mrs Harris,' Mrs Gamp
+continued, 'only t'other day; the last Monday evening fortnight as
+ever dawned upon this Piljian's Projiss of a mortal wale; I says to Mrs
+Harris when she says to me, "Years and our trials, Mrs Gamp, sets marks
+upon us all."--"Say not the words, Mrs Harris, if you and me is to be
+continual friends, for sech is not the case. Mrs Mould," I says, making
+so free, I will confess, as use the name,' (she curtseyed here), '"is
+one of them that goes agen the obserwation straight; and never, Mrs
+Harris, whilst I've a drop of breath to draw, will I set by, and not
+stand up, don't think it."--"I ast your pardon, ma'am," says Mrs Harris,
+"and I humbly grant your grace; for if ever a woman lived as would see
+her feller creeturs into fits to serve her friends, well do I know that
+woman's name is Sairey Gamp."'
+
+At this point she was fain to stop for breath; and advantage may be
+taken of the circumstance, to state that a fearful mystery surrounded
+this lady of the name of Harris, whom no one in the circle of Mrs Gamp's
+acquaintance had ever seen; neither did any human being know her place
+of residence, though Mrs Gamp appeared on her own showing to be in
+constant communication with her. There were conflicting rumours on the
+subject; but the prevalent opinion was that she was a phantom of Mrs
+Gamp's brain--as Messrs. Doe and Roe are fictions of the law--created
+for the express purpose of holding visionary dialogues with her on all
+manner of subjects, and invariably winding up with a compliment to the
+excellence of her nature.
+
+'And likeways what a pleasure,' said Mrs Gamp, turning with a tearful
+smile towards the daughters, 'to see them two young ladies as I know'd
+afore a tooth in their pretty heads was cut, and have many a day
+seen--ah, the sweet creeturs!--playing at berryins down in the shop, and
+follerin' the order-book to its long home in the iron safe! But that's
+all past and over, Mr Mould;' as she thus got in a carefully regulated
+routine to that gentleman, she shook her head waggishly; 'That's all
+past and over now, sir, an't it?'
+
+'Changes, Mrs Gamp, changes!' returned the undertaker.
+
+'More changes too, to come, afore we've done with changes, sir,' said
+Mrs Gamp, nodding yet more waggishly than before. 'Young ladies with
+such faces thinks of something else besides berryins, don't they, sir?'
+
+'I am sure I don't know, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with a chuckle--'Not bad
+in Mrs Gamp, my dear?'
+
+'Oh yes, you do know, sir!' said Mrs Gamp, 'and so does Mrs Mould,
+your 'ansome pardner too, sir; and so do I, although the blessing of a
+daughter was deniged me; which, if we had had one, Gamp would certainly
+have drunk its little shoes right off its feet, as with our precious boy
+he did, and arterward send the child a errand to sell his wooden leg for
+any money it would fetch as matches in the rough, and bring it home
+in liquor; which was truly done beyond his years, for ev'ry individgle
+penny that child lost at toss or buy for kidney ones; and come home
+arterwards quite bold, to break the news, and offering to drown himself
+if sech would be a satisfaction to his parents.--Oh yes, you do know,
+sir,' said Mrs Gamp, wiping her eye with her shawl, and resuming the
+thread of her discourse. 'There's something besides births and berryins
+in the newspapers, an't there, Mr Mould?'
+
+Mr Mould winked at Mrs Mould, whom he had by this time taken on his
+knee, and said: 'No doubt. A good deal more, Mrs Gamp. Upon my life, Mrs
+Gamp is very far from bad, my dear!'
+
+'There's marryings, an't there, sir?' said Mrs Gamp, while both the
+daughters blushed and tittered. 'Bless their precious hearts, and well
+they knows it! Well you know'd it too, and well did Mrs Mould, when you
+was at their time of life! But my opinion is, you're all of one age now.
+For as to you and Mrs Mould, sir, ever having grandchildren--'
+
+'Oh! Fie, fie! Nonsense, Mrs Gamp,' replied the undertaker. 'Devilish
+smart, though. Ca-pi-tal!'--this was in a whisper. 'My dear'--aloud
+again--'Mrs Gamp can drink a glass of rum, I dare say. Sit down, Mrs
+Gamp, sit down.'
+
+Mrs Gamp took the chair that was nearest the door, and casting up her
+eyes towards the ceiling, feigned to be wholly insensible to the fact of
+a glass of rum being in preparation, until it was placed in her hand by
+one of the young ladies, when she exhibited the greatest surprise.
+
+'A thing,' she said, 'as hardly ever, Mrs Mould, occurs with me unless
+it is when I am indispoged, and find my half a pint of porter settling
+heavy on the chest. Mrs Harris often and often says to me, "Sairey
+Gamp," she says, "you raly do amaze me!" "Mrs Harris," I says to her,
+"why so? Give it a name, I beg." "Telling the truth then, ma'am," says
+Mrs Harris, "and shaming him as shall be nameless betwixt you and me,
+never did I think till I know'd you, as any woman could sick-nurse and
+monthly likeways, on the little that you takes to drink." "Mrs Harris,"
+I says to her, "none on us knows what we can do till we tries; and
+wunst, when me and Gamp kept 'ouse, I thought so too. But now," I says,
+"my half a pint of porter fully satisfies; perwisin', Mrs Harris, that
+it is brought reg'lar, and draw'd mild. Whether I sicks or monthlies,
+ma'am, I hope I does my duty, but I am but a poor woman, and I earns my
+living hard; therefore I DO require it, which I makes confession, to be
+brought reg'lar and draw'd mild."'
+
+The precise connection between these observations and the glass of rum,
+did not appear; for Mrs Gamp proposing as a toast 'The best of lucks
+to all!' took off the dram in quite a scientific manner, without any
+further remarks.
+
+'And what's your news, Mrs Gamp?' asked Mould again, as that lady wiped
+her lips upon her shawl, and nibbled a corner off a soft biscuit, which
+she appeared to carry in her pocket as a provision against contingent
+drams. 'How's Mr Chuffey?'
+
+'Mr Chuffey, sir,' she replied, 'is jest as usual; he an't no better and
+he an't no worse. I take it very kind in the gentleman to have wrote up
+to you and said, "let Mrs Gamp take care of him till I come home;" but
+ev'rythink he does is kind. There an't a many like him. If there was, we
+shouldn't want no churches.'
+
+'What do you want to speak to me about, Mrs Gamp?' said Mould, coming to
+the point.
+
+'Jest this, sir,' Mrs Gamp returned, 'with thanks to you for asking.
+There IS a gent, sir, at the Bull in Holborn, as has been took ill
+there, and is bad abed. They have a day nurse as was recommended from
+Bartholomew's; and well I knows her, Mr Mould, her name bein' Mrs Prig,
+the best of creeturs. But she is otherways engaged at night, and they
+are in wants of night-watching; consequent she says to them, having
+reposed the greatest friendliness in me for twenty year, "The soberest
+person going, and the best of blessings in a sick room, is Mrs Gamp.
+Send a boy to Kingsgate Street," she says, "and snap her up at any
+price, for Mrs Gamp is worth her weight and more in goldian guineas."
+My landlord brings the message down to me, and says, "bein' in a light
+place where you are, and this job promising so well, why not unite the
+two?" "No, sir," I says, "not unbeknown to Mr Mould, and therefore do
+not think it. But I will go to Mr Mould," I says, "and ast him, if you
+like."' Here she looked sideways at the undertaker, and came to a stop.
+
+'Night-watching, eh?' said Mould, rubbing his chin.
+
+'From eight o'clock till eight, sir. I will not deceive you,' Mrs Gamp
+rejoined.
+
+'And then go back, eh?' said would.
+
+'Quite free, then, sir, to attend to Mr Chuffey. His ways bein' quiet,
+and his hours early, he'd be abed, sir, nearly all the time. I will not
+deny,' said Mrs Gamp with meekness, 'that I am but a poor woman, and
+that the money is a object; but do not let that act upon you, Mr Mould.
+Rich folks may ride on camels, but it an't so easy for 'em to see out of
+a needle's eye. That is my comfort, and I hope I knows it.'
+
+'Well, Mrs Gamp,' observed Mould, 'I don't see any particular objection
+to your earning an honest penny under such circumstances. I should keep
+it quiet, I think, Mrs Gamp. I wouldn't mention it to Mr Chuzzlewit
+on his return, for instance, unless it were necessary, or he asked you
+pointblank.'
+
+'The very words was on my lips, sir,' Mrs Gamp rejoined. 'Suppoging
+that the gent should die, I hope I might take the liberty of saying as I
+know'd some one in the undertaking line, and yet give no offence to you,
+sir?'
+
+'Certainly, Mrs Gamp,' said Mould, with much condescension. 'You may
+casually remark, in such a case, that we do the thing pleasantly and in
+a great variety of styles, and are generally considered to make it
+as agreeable as possible to the feelings of the survivors. But don't
+obtrude it, don't obtrude it. Easy, easy! My dear, you may as well give
+Mrs Gamp a card or two, if you please.'
+
+Mrs Gamp received them, and scenting no more rum in the wind (for the
+bottle was locked up again) rose to take her departure.
+
+'Wishing ev'ry happiness to this happy family,' said Mrs Gamp 'with
+all my heart. Good arternoon, Mrs Mould! If I was Mr would I should be
+jealous of you, ma'am; and I'm sure, if I was you, I should be jealous
+of Mr Mould.'
+
+'Tut, tut! Bah, bah! Go along, Mrs Gamp!' cried the delighted
+undertaker.
+
+'As to the young ladies,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping a curtsey, 'bless
+their sweet looks--how they can ever reconsize it with their duties to
+be so grown up with such young parents, it an't for sech as me to give a
+guess at.'
+
+'Nonsense, nonsense. Be off, Mrs Gamp!' cried Mould. But in the height
+of his gratification he actually pinched Mrs Mould as he said it.
+
+'I'll tell you what, my dear,' he observed, when Mrs Gamp had at last
+withdrawn and shut the door, 'that's a ve-ry shrewd woman. That's a
+woman whose intellect is immensely superior to her station in life.
+That's a woman who observes and reflects in an uncommon manner. She's
+the sort of woman now,' said Mould, drawing his silk handkerchief over
+his head again, and composing himself for a nap 'one would almost feel
+disposed to bury for nothing; and do it neatly, too!'
+
+Mrs Mould and her daughters fully concurred in these remarks; the
+subject of which had by this time reached the street, where she
+experienced so much inconvenience from the air, that she was obliged to
+stand under an archway for a short time, to recover herself. Even
+after this precaution, she walked so unsteadily as to attract the
+compassionate regards of divers kind-hearted boys, who took the
+liveliest interest in her disorder; and in their simple language bade
+her be of good cheer, for she was 'only a little screwed.'
+
+Whatever she was, or whatever name the vocabulary of medical science
+would have bestowed upon her malady, Mrs Gamp was perfectly acquainted
+with the way home again; and arriving at the house of Anthony Chuzzlewit
+& Son, lay down to rest. Remaining there until seven o'clock in the
+evening, and then persuading poor old Chuffey to betake himself to
+bed, she sallied forth upon her new engagement. First, she went to
+her private lodgings in Kingsgate Street, for a bundle of robes and
+wrappings comfortable in the night season; and then repaired to the Bull
+in Holborn, which she reached as the clocks were striking eight.
+
+As she turned into the yard, she stopped; for the landlord, landlady,
+and head chambermaid, were all on the threshold together talking
+earnestly with a young gentleman who seemed to have just come or to
+be just going away. The first words that struck upon Mrs Gamp's ear
+obviously bore reference to the patient; and it being expedient that all
+good attendants should know as much as possible about the case on which
+their skill is brought to bear, Mrs Gamp listened as a matter of duty.
+
+'No better, then?' observed the gentleman.
+
+'Worse!' said the landlord.
+
+'Much worse,' added the landlady.
+
+'Oh! a deal badder,' cried the chambermaid from the background, opening
+her eyes very wide, and shaking her head.
+
+'Poor fellow!' said the gentleman, 'I am sorry to hear it. The worst of
+it is, that I have no idea what friends or relations he has, or where
+they live, except that it certainly is not in London.'
+
+The landlord looked at the landlady; the landlady looked at the
+landlord; and the chambermaid remarked, hysterically, 'that of all the
+many wague directions she had ever seen or heerd of (and they wasn't few
+in an hotel), THAT was the waguest.'
+
+'The fact is, you see,' pursued the gentleman, 'as I told you yesterday
+when you sent to me, I really know very little about him. We were
+school-fellows together; but since that time I have only met him twice.
+On both occasions I was in London for a boy's holiday (having come up
+for a week or so from Wiltshire), and lost sight of him again directly.
+The letter bearing my name and address which you found upon his table,
+and which led to your applying to me, is in answer, you will observe,
+to one he wrote from this house the very day he was taken ill, making an
+appointment with him at his own request. Here is his letter, if you wish
+to see it.'
+
+The landlord read it; the landlady looked over him. The chambermaid, in
+the background, made out as much of it as she could, and invented the
+rest; believing it all from that time forth as a positive piece of
+evidence.
+
+'He has very little luggage, you say?' observed the gentleman, who was
+no other than our old friend, John Westlock.
+
+'Nothing but a portmanteau,' said the landlord; 'and very little in it.'
+
+'A few pounds in his purse, though?'
+
+'Yes. It's sealed up, and in the cash-box. I made a memorandum of the
+amount, which you're welcome to see.'
+
+'Well!' said John, 'as the medical gentleman says the fever must take
+its course, and nothing can be done just now beyond giving him his
+drinks regularly and having him carefully attended to, nothing more
+can be said that I know of, until he is in a condition to give us some
+information. Can you suggest anything else?'
+
+'N-no,' replied the landlord, 'except--'
+
+'Except, who's to pay, I suppose?' said John.
+
+'Why,' hesitated the landlord, 'it would be as well.'
+
+'Quite as well,' said the landlady.
+
+'Not forgetting to remember the servants,' said the chambermaid in a
+bland whisper.
+
+'It is but reasonable, I fully admit,' said John Westlock. 'At all
+events, you have the stock in hand to go upon for the present; and I
+will readily undertake to pay the doctor and the nurses.'
+
+'Ah!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A rayal gentleman!'
+
+She groaned her admiration so audibly, that they all turned round. Mrs
+Gamp felt the necessity of advancing, bundle in hand, and introducing
+herself.
+
+'The night-nurse,' she observed, 'from Kingsgate Street, well beknown to
+Mrs Prig the day-nurse, and the best of creeturs. How is the poor dear
+gentleman to-night? If he an't no better yet, still that is what must
+be expected and prepared for. It an't the fust time by a many score,
+ma'am,' dropping a curtsey to the landlady, 'that Mrs Prig and me has
+nussed together, turn and turn about, one off, one on. We knows each
+other's ways, and often gives relief when others fail. Our charges
+is but low, sir'--Mrs Gamp addressed herself to John on this
+head--'considerin' the nater of our painful dooty. If they wos made
+accordin' to our wishes, they would be easy paid.'
+
+Regarding herself as having now delivered her inauguration address, Mrs
+Gamp curtseyed all round, and signified her wish to be conducted to the
+scene of her official duties. The chambermaid led her, through a variety
+of intricate passages, to the top of the house; and pointing at length
+to a solitary door at the end of a gallery, informed her that yonder was
+the chamber where the patient lay. That done, she hurried off with all
+the speed she could make.
+
+Mrs Gamp traversed the gallery in a great heat from having carried
+her large bundle up so many stairs, and tapped at the door which was
+immediately opened by Mrs Prig, bonneted and shawled and all impatience
+to be gone. Mrs Prig was of the Gamp build, but not so fat; and her
+voice was deeper and more like a man's. She had also a beard.
+
+'I began to think you warn't a-coming!' Mrs Prig observed, in some
+displeasure.
+
+'It shall be made good to-morrow night,' said Mrs Gamp 'Honorable. I had
+to go and fetch my things.' She had begun to make signs of inquiry in
+reference to the position of the patient and his overhearing them--for
+there was a screen before the door--when Mrs Prig settled that point
+easily.
+
+'Oh!' she said aloud, 'he's quiet, but his wits is gone. It an't no
+matter wot you say.'
+
+'Anythin' to tell afore you goes, my dear?' asked Mrs Gamp, setting her
+bundle down inside the door, and looking affectionately at her partner.
+
+'The pickled salmon,' Mrs Prig replied, 'is quite delicious. I can
+partlck'ler recommend it. Don't have nothink to say to the cold meat,
+for it tastes of the stable. The drinks is all good.'
+
+Mrs Gamp expressed herself much gratified.
+
+'The physic and them things is on the drawers and mankleshelf,' said
+Mrs Prig, cursorily. 'He took his last slime draught at seven. The
+easy-chair an't soft enough. You'll want his piller.'
+
+Mrs Gamp thanked her for these hints, and giving her a friendly good
+night, held the door open until she had disappeared at the other end
+of the gallery. Having thus performed the hospitable duty of seeing her
+safely off, she shut it, locked it on the inside, took up her bundle,
+walked round the screen, and entered on her occupation of the sick
+chamber.
+
+'A little dull, but not so bad as might be,' Mrs Gamp remarked.
+'I'm glad to see a parapidge, in case of fire, and lots of roofs and
+chimley-pots to walk upon.'
+
+It will be seen from these remarks that Mrs Gamp was looking out of
+window. When she had exhausted the prospect, she tried the easy-chair,
+which she indignantly declared was 'harder than a brickbadge.' Next
+she pursued her researches among the physic-bottles, glasses, jugs, and
+tea-cups; and when she had entirely satisfied her curiosity on all these
+subjects of investigation, she untied her bonnet-strings and strolled up
+to the bedside to take a look at the patient.
+
+A young man--dark and not ill-looking--with long black hair, that seemed
+the blacker for the whiteness of the bed-clothes. His eyes were partly
+open, and he never ceased to roll his head from side to side upon the
+pillow, keeping his body almost quiet. He did not utter words; but
+every now and then gave vent to an expression of impatience or fatigue,
+sometimes of surprise; and still his restless head--oh, weary, weary
+hour!--went to and fro without a moment's intermission.
+
+Mrs Gamp solaced herself with a pinch of snuff, and stood looking at him
+with her head inclined a little sideways, as a connoisseur might gaze
+upon a doubtful work of art. By degrees, a horrible remembrance of one
+branch of her calling took possession of the woman; and stooping down,
+she pinned his wandering arms against his sides, to see how he would
+look if laid out as a dead man. Her fingers itched to compose his limbs
+in that last marble attitude.
+
+'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, walking away from the bed, 'he'd make a lovely
+corpse.'
+
+She now proceeded to unpack her bundle; lighted a candle with the aid
+of a fire-box on the drawers; filled a small kettle, as a preliminary
+to refreshing herself with a cup of tea in the course of the night;
+laid what she called 'a little bit of fire,' for the same philanthropic
+purpose; and also set forth a small tea-board, that nothing might be
+wanting for her comfortable enjoyment. These preparations occupied so
+long, that when they were brought to a conclusion it was high time to
+think about supper; so she rang the bell and ordered it.
+
+'I think, young woman,' said Mrs Gamp to the assistant chambermaid, in a
+tone expressive of weakness, 'that I could pick a little bit of pickled
+salmon, with a nice little sprig of fennel, and a sprinkling of white
+pepper. I takes new bread, my dear, with just a little pat of fresh
+butter, and a mossel of cheese. In case there should be such a thing
+as a cowcumber in the 'ouse, will you be so kind as bring it, for I'm
+rather partial to 'em, and they does a world of good in a sick room. If
+they draws the Brighton Old Tipper here, I takes THAT ale at night, my
+love, it bein' considered wakeful by the doctors. And whatever you
+do, young woman, don't bring more than a shilling's-worth of gin and
+water-warm when I rings the bell a second time; for that is always my
+allowance, and I never takes a drop beyond!'
+
+Having preferred these moderate requests, Mrs Gamp observed that she
+would stand at the door until the order was executed, to the end that
+the patient might not be disturbed by her opening it a second time; and
+therefore she would thank the young woman to 'look sharp.'
+
+A tray was brought with everything upon it, even to the cucumber and
+Mrs Gamp accordingly sat down to eat and drink in high good humour. The
+extent to which she availed herself of the vinegar, and supped up that
+refreshing fluid with the blade of her knife, can scarcely be expressed
+in narrative.
+
+'Ah!' sighed Mrs Gamp, as she meditated over the warm shilling's-worth,
+'what a blessed thing it is--living in a wale--to be contented! What a
+blessed thing it is to make sick people happy in their beds, and never
+mind one's self as long as one can do a service! I don't believe a finer
+cowcumber was ever grow'd. I'm sure I never see one!'
+
+She moralised in the same vein until her glass was empty, and then
+administered the patient's medicine, by the simple process of clutching
+his windpipe to make him gasp, and immediately pouring it down his
+throat.
+
+'I a'most forgot the piller, I declare!' said Mrs Gamp, drawing it away.
+'There! Now he's comfortable as he can be, I'm sure! I must try to make
+myself as much so as I can.'
+
+With this view, she went about the construction of an extemporaneous bed
+in the easy-chair, with the addition of the next easy one for her feet.
+Having formed the best couch that the circumstances admitted of, she
+took out of her bundle a yellow night-cap, of prodigious size, in shape
+resembling a cabbage; which article of dress she fixed and tied on with
+the utmost care, previously divesting herself of a row of bald old
+curls that could scarcely be called false, they were so very innocent of
+anything approaching to deception. From the same repository she brought
+forth a night-jacket, in which she also attired herself. Finally, she
+produced a watchman's coat which she tied round her neck by the sleeves,
+so that she become two people; and looked, behind, as if she were in the
+act of being embraced by one of the old patrol.
+
+All these arrangements made, she lighted the rush-light, coiled herself
+up on her couch, and went to sleep. Ghostly and dark the room became,
+and full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in the streets were
+gradually hushed; the house was quiet as a sepulchre; the dead of night
+was coffined in the silent city.
+
+Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the
+past; incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present; dragging
+its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes
+of awful pomp; seeking but a moment's rest among the long-forgotten
+haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday; and dimly finding
+fear and horror everywhere! Oh, weary, weary hour! What were the
+wanderings of Cain, to these!
+
+Still, without a moment's interval, the burning head tossed to and fro.
+Still, from time to time, fatigue, impatience, suffering, and surprise,
+found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though never once in
+words. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he began to talk;
+waiting awfully for answers sometimes; as though invisible companions
+were about his bed; and so replying to their speech and questioning
+again.
+
+Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall the shadow
+of a gigantic night constable, struggling with a prisoner.
+
+'Come! Hold your tongue!' she cried, in sharp reproof. 'Don't make none
+of that noise here.'
+
+There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion of the
+head, but he talked on wildly.
+
+'Ah!' said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient shiver;
+'I thought I was a-sleepin' too pleasant to last! The devil's in the
+night, I think, it's turned so chilly!'
+
+'Don't drink so much!' cried the sick man. 'You'll ruin us all. Don't
+you see how the fountain sinks? Look at the mark where the sparkling
+water was just now!'
+
+'Sparkling water, indeed!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I'll have a sparkling cup o'
+tea, I think. I wish you'd hold your noise!'
+
+He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a dismal
+wail. Checking himself, with fierce inconstancy he began to count--fast.
+
+'One--two--three--four--five--six.'
+
+"One, two, buckle my shoe,"' said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her knees,
+lighting the fire, "three, four, shut the door,"--I wish you'd shut
+your mouth, young man--"five, six, picking up sticks." If I'd got a few
+handy, I should have the kettle boiling all the sooner.'
+
+Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to the
+fender (which was a high one) that her nose rested upon it; and for some
+time she drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature backwards and
+forwards along the brass top, as far as she could, without changing her
+position to do it. She maintained, all the while, a running commentary
+upon the wanderings of the man in bed.
+
+'That makes five hundred and twenty-one men, all dressed alike, and with
+the same distortion on their faces, that have passed in at the window,
+and out at the door,' he cried, anxiously. 'Look there! Five hundred and
+twenty-two--twenty-three--twenty-four. Do you see them?'
+
+'Ah! I see 'em,' said Mrs Gamp; 'all the whole kit of 'em numbered like
+hackney-coaches, an't they?'
+
+'Touch me! Let me be sure of this. Touch me!'
+
+'You'll take your next draught when I've made the kettle bile,' retorted
+Mrs Gamp, composedly, 'and you'll be touched then. You'll be touched up,
+too, if you don't take it quiet.'
+
+'Five hundred and twenty-eight, five hundred and twenty-nine, five
+hundred and thirty.--Look here!'
+
+'What's the matter now?' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'They're coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in the next
+man's, and his hand upon his shoulder. What's that upon the arm of every
+man, and on the flag?'
+
+'Spiders, p'raps,' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'Crape! Black crape! Good God! why do they wear it outside?'
+
+'Would you have 'em carry black crape in their insides?' Mrs Gamp
+retorted. 'Hold your noise, hold your noise.'
+
+The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs Gamp
+became silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly along the
+top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was awakened by the
+room ringing (as she fancied) with a name she knew:
+
+'Chuzzlewit!'
+
+The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised entreaty,
+that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the door. She expected to
+find the passage filled with people, come to tell her that the house in
+the city had taken fire. But the place was empty; not a soul was there.
+She opened the window, and looked out. Dark, dull, dingy, and desolate
+house-tops. As she passed to her seat again, she glanced at the patient.
+Just the same; but silent. Mrs Gamp was so warm now, that she threw off
+the watchman's coat, and fanned herself.
+
+'It seemed to make the wery bottles ring,' she said. 'What could I have
+been a-dreaming of? That dratted Chuffey, I'll be bound.'
+
+The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of snuff, and
+the song of the steaming kettle, quite restored the tone of Mrs Gamp's
+nerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her tea; made some
+buttered toast; and sat down at the tea-board, with her face to the
+fire.
+
+When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had vibrated in
+her slumbering ear, these words were shrieked out:
+
+'Chuzzlewit! Jonas! No!'
+
+Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her lips, and
+turned round with a start that made the little tea-board leap. The cry
+had come from the bed.
+
+
+It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the window,
+and the sun was rising cheerfully. Lighter and lighter grew the sky, and
+noisier the streets; and high into the summer air uprose the smoke of
+newly kindled fires, until the busy day was broad awake.
+
+Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her other
+patient's. Mr Westlock came at the same time, but he was not admitted,
+the disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The doctor shook
+his head. It was all he could do, under the circumstances, and he did it
+well.
+
+'What sort of a night, nurse?'
+
+'Restless, sir,' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'Talk much?'
+
+'Middling, sir,' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'Nothing to the purpose, I suppose?'
+
+'Oh bless you, no, sir. Only jargon.'
+
+'Well!' said the doctor, 'we must keep him quiet; keep the room cool;
+give him his draughts regularly; and see that he's carefully looked to.
+That's all!'
+
+'And as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of that,'
+said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'I suppose,' observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the doctor out;
+'there's nothin' new?'
+
+'Nothin' at all, my dear,' said Mrs Gamp. 'He's rather wearin' in his
+talk from making up a lot of names; elseways you needn't mind him.'
+
+'Oh, I shan't mind him,' Mrs Prig returned. 'I have somethin' else to
+think of.'
+
+'I pays my debts to-night, you know, my dear, and comes afore my time,'
+said Mrs Gamp. 'But, Betsy Prig'--speaking with great feeling, and
+laying her hand upon her arm--'try the cowcumbers, God bless you!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
+
+AN UNEXPECTED MEETING, AND A PROMISING PROSPECT
+
+
+The laws of sympathy between beards and birds, and the secret source
+of that attraction which frequently impels a shaver of the one to be
+a dealer in the other, are questions for the subtle reasoning of
+scientific bodies; not the less so, because their investigation would
+seem calculated to lead to no particular result. It is enough to know
+that the artist who had the honour of entertaining Mrs Gamp as
+his first-floor lodger, united the two pursuits of barbering and
+bird-fancying; and that it was not an original idea of his, but one in
+which he had, dispersed about the by-streets and suburbs of the town, a
+host of rivals.
+
+The name of the householder was Paul Sweedlepipe. But he was commonly
+called Poll Sweedlepipe; and was not uncommonly believed to have been so
+christened, among his friends and neighbours.
+
+With the exception of the staircase, and his lodger's private apartment,
+Poll Sweedlepipe's house was one great bird's nest. Gamecocks resided in
+the kitchen; pheasants wasted the brightness of their golden plumage on
+the garret; bantams roosted in the cellar; owls had possession of the
+bedroom; and specimens of all the smaller fry of birds chirrupped and
+twittered in the shop. The staircase was sacred to rabbits. There in
+hutches of all shapes and kinds, made from old packing-cases, boxes,
+drawers, and tea-chests, they increased in a prodigious degree, and
+contributed their share towards that complicated whiff which, quite
+impartially, and without distinction of persons, saluted every nose that
+was put into Sweedlepipe's easy shaving-shop.
+
+Many noses found their way there, for all that, especially on Sunday
+morning, before church-time. Even archbishops shave, or must be shaved,
+on a Sunday, and beards WILL grow after twelve o'clock on Saturday
+night, though it be upon the chins of base mechanics; who, not being
+able to engage their valets by the quarter, hire them by the job, and
+pay them--oh, the wickedness of copper coin!--in dirty pence. Poll
+Sweedlepipe, the sinner, shaved all comers at a penny each, and cut the
+hair of any customer for twopence; and being a lone unmarried man, and
+having some connection in the bird line, Poll got on tolerably well.
+
+He was a little elderly man, with a clammy cold right hand, from which
+even rabbits and birds could not remove the smell of shaving-soap. Poll
+had something of the bird in his nature; not of the hawk or eagle, but
+of the sparrow, that builds in chimney-stacks and inclines to human
+company. He was not quarrelsome, though, like the sparrow; but peaceful,
+like the dove. In his walk he strutted; and, in this respect, he bore
+a faint resemblance to the pigeon, as well as in a certain prosiness of
+speech, which might, in its monotony, be likened to the cooing of that
+bird. He was very inquisitive; and when he stood at his shop-door in the
+evening-tide, watching the neighbours, with his head on one side, and
+his eye cocked knowingly, there was a dash of the raven in him. Yet
+there was no more wickedness in Poll than in a robin. Happily, too, when
+any of his ornithological properties were on the verge of going too
+far, they were quenched, dissolved, melted down, and neutralised in
+the barber; just as his bald head--otherwise, as the head of a shaved
+magpie--lost itself in a wig of curly black ringlets, parted on one
+side, and cut away almost to the crown, to indicate immense capacity of
+intellect.
+
+Poll had a very small, shrill treble voice, which might have led
+the wags of Kingsgate Street to insist the more upon his feminine
+designation. He had a tender heart, too; for, when he had a good
+commission to provide three or four score sparrows for a shooting-match,
+he would observe, in a compassionate tone, how singular it was that
+sparrows should have been made expressly for such purposes. The
+question, whether men were made to shoot them, never entered into Poll's
+philosophy.
+
+Poll wore, in his sporting character, a velveteen coat, a great deal of
+blue stocking, ankle boots, a neckerchief of some bright colour, and
+a very tall hat. Pursuing his more quiet occupation of barber, he
+generally subsided into an apron not over-clean, a flannel jacket, and
+corduroy knee-shorts. It was in this latter costume, but with his apron
+girded round his waist, as a token of his having shut up shop for
+the night, that he closed the door one evening, some weeks after the
+occurrences detailed in the last chapter, and stood upon the steps in
+Kingsgate Street, listening until the little cracked bell within
+should leave off ringing. For until it did--this was Mr Sweedlepipe's
+reflection--the place never seemed quiet enough to be left to itself.
+
+'It's the greediest little bell to ring,' said Poll, 'that ever was. But
+it's quiet at last.'
+
+He rolled his apron up a little tighter as he said these words, and
+hastened down the street. Just as he was turning into Holborn, he ran
+against a young gentleman in a livery. This youth was bold, though
+small, and with several lively expressions of displeasure, turned upon
+him instantly.
+
+'Now, STOO-PID!' cried the young gentleman. 'Can't you look where you're
+a-going to--eh? Can't you mind where you're a-coming to--eh? What do you
+think your eyes was made for--eh? Ah! Yes. Oh! Now then!'
+
+The young gentleman pronounced the two last words in a very loud tone
+and with frightful emphasis, as though they contained within themselves
+the essence of the direst aggravation. But he had scarcely done so, when
+his anger yielded to surprise, and he cried, in a milder tone:
+
+'What! Polly!'
+
+'Why, it an't you, sure!' cried Poll. 'It can't be you!'
+
+'No. It an't me,' returned the youth. 'It's my son, my oldest one. He's
+a credit to his father, an't he, Polly?' With this delicate little
+piece of banter, he halted on the pavement, and went round and round
+in circles, for the better exhibition of his figure; rather to the
+inconvenience of the passengers generally, who were not in an equal
+state of spirits with himself.
+
+'I wouldn't have believed it,' said Poll. 'What! You've left your old
+place, then? Have you?'
+
+'Have I!' returned his young friend, who had by this time stuck his
+hands into the pockets of his white cord breeches, and was swaggering
+along at the barber's side. 'D'ye know a pair of top-boots when you see
+'em, Polly?--look here!'
+
+'Beau-ti-ful' cried Mr Sweedlepipe.
+
+'D'ye know a slap-up sort of button, when you see it?' said the youth.
+'Don't look at mine, if you ain't a judge, because these lions' heads
+was made for men of taste; not snobs.'
+
+'Beau-ti-ful!' cried the barber again. 'A grass-green frock-coat, too,
+bound with gold; and a cockade in your hat!'
+
+'I should hope so,' replied the youth. 'Blow the cockade, though; for,
+except that it don't turn round, it's like the wentilator that used to
+be in the kitchen winder at Todgers's. You ain't seen the old lady's
+name in the Gazette, have you?'
+
+'No,' returned the barber. 'Is she a bankrupt?'
+
+'If she ain't, she will be,' retorted Bailey. 'That bis'ness never can
+be carried on without ME. Well! How are you?'
+
+'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. 'Are you living at this end of the
+town, or were you coming to see me? Was that the bis'ness that brought
+you to Holborn?'
+
+'I haven't got no bis'ness in Holborn,' returned Bailey, with some
+displeasure. 'All my bis'ness lays at the West End. I've got the right
+sort of governor now. You can't see his face for his whiskers, and can't
+see his whiskers for the dye upon 'em. That's a gentleman ain't it? You
+wouldn't like a ride in a cab, would you? Why, it wouldn't be safe to
+offer it. You'd faint away, only to see me a-comin' at a mild trot round
+the corner.'
+
+To convey a slight idea of the effect of this approach, Mr Bailey
+counterfeited in his own person the action of a high-trotting horse and
+threw up his head so high, in backing against a pump, that he shook his
+hat off.
+
+'Why, he's own uncle to Capricorn,' said Bailey, 'and brother to
+Cauliflower. He's been through the winders of two chaney shops since
+we've had him, and was sold for killin' his missis. That's a horse, I
+hope?'
+
+'Ah! you'll never want to buy any more red polls, now,' observed Poll,
+looking on his young friend with an air of melancholy. 'You'll never
+want to buy any more red polls now, to hang up over the sink, will you?'
+
+'I should think not,' replied Bailey. 'Reether so. I wouldn't have
+nothin' to say to any bird below a Peacock; and HE'd be wulgar. Well,
+how are you?'
+
+'Oh! I'm pretty well,' said Poll. He answered the question again because
+Mr Bailey asked it again; Mr Bailey asked it again, because--accompanied
+with a straddling action of the white cords, a bend of the knees, and a
+striking forth of the top-boots--it was an easy horse-fleshy, turfy sort
+of thing to do.
+
+'Wot are you up to, old feller?' added Mr Bailey, with the same graceful
+rakishness. He was quite the man-about-town of the conversation, while
+the easy-shaver was the child.
+
+'Why, I am going to fetch my lodger home,' said Paul.
+
+'A woman!' cried Mr Bailey, 'for a twenty-pun' note!'
+
+The little barber hastened to explain that she was neither a young
+woman, nor a handsome woman, but a nurse, who had been acting as a kind
+of house-keeper to a gentleman for some weeks past, and left her place
+that night, in consequence of being superseded by another and a more
+legitimate house-keeper--to wit, the gentleman's bride.
+
+'He's newly married, and he brings his young wife home to-night,' said
+the barber. 'So I'm going to fetch my lodger away--Mr Chuzzlewit's,
+close behind the Post Office--and carry her box for her.'
+
+'Jonas Chuzzlewit's?' said Bailey.
+
+'Ah!' returned Paul: 'that's the name sure enough. Do you know him?'
+
+'Oh, no!' cried Mr Bailey; 'not at all. And I don't know her! Not
+neither! Why, they first kept company through me, a'most.'
+
+'Ah?' said Paul.
+
+'Ah!' said Mr Bailey, with a wink; 'and she ain't bad looking mind you.
+But her sister was the best. SHE was the merry one. I often used to have
+a bit of fun with her, in the hold times!'
+
+Mr Bailey spoke as if he already had a leg and three-quarters in
+the grave, and this had happened twenty or thirty years ago. Paul
+Sweedlepipe, the meek, was so perfectly confounded by his precocious
+self-possession, and his patronizing manner, as well as by his boots,
+cockade, and livery, that a mist swam before his eyes, and he saw--not
+the Bailey of acknowledged juvenility from Todgers's Commercial
+Boarding House, who had made his acquaintance within a twelvemonth,
+by purchasing, at sundry times, small birds at twopence each--but a
+highly-condensed embodiment of all the sporting grooms in London; an
+abstract of all the stable-knowledge of the time; a something at a
+high-pressure that must have had existence many years, and was fraught
+with terrible experiences. And truly, though in the cloudy atmosphere
+of Todgers's, Mr Bailey's genius had ever shone out brightly in this
+particular respect, it now eclipsed both time and space, cheated
+beholders of their senses, and worked on their belief in defiance of all
+natural laws. He walked along the tangible and real stones of Holborn
+Hill, an undersized boy; and yet he winked the winks, and thought the
+thoughts, and did the deeds, and said the sayings of an ancient man.
+There was an old principle within him, and a young surface without. He
+became an inexplicable creature; a breeched and booted Sphinx. There was
+no course open to the barber, but to go distracted himself, or to take
+Bailey for granted; and he wisely chose the latter.
+
+Mr Bailey was good enough to continue to bear him company, and to
+entertain him, as they went, with easy conversation on various sporting
+topics; especially on the comparative merits, as a general principle, of
+horses with white stockings, and horses without. In regard to the style
+of tail to be preferred, Mr Bailey had opinions of his own, which he
+explained, but begged they might by no means influence his friend's,
+as here he knew he had the misfortune to differ from some excellent
+authorities. He treated Mr Sweedlepipe to a dram, compounded agreeably
+to his own directions, which he informed him had been invented by a
+member of the Jockey Club; and, as they were by this time near the
+barber's destination, he observed that, as he had an hour to spare, and
+knew the parties, he would, if quite agreeable, be introduced to Mrs
+Gamp.
+
+Paul knocked at Jonas Chuzzlewit's; and, on the door being opened by
+that lady, made the two distinguished persons known to one another. It
+was a happy feature in Mrs Gamp's twofold profession, that it gave her
+an interest in everything that was young as well as in everything that
+was old. She received Mr Bailey with much kindness.
+
+'It's very good, I'm sure, of you to come,' she said to her landlord,
+'as well as bring so nice a friend. But I'm afraid that I must trouble
+you so far as to step in, for the young couple has not yet made
+appearance.'
+
+'They're late, ain't they?' inquired her landlord, when she had
+conducted them downstairs into the kitchen.
+
+'Well, sir, considern' the Wings of Love, they are,' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+Mr Bailey inquired whether the Wings of Love had ever won a plate, or
+could be backed to do anything remarkable; and being informed that it
+was not a horse, but merely a poetical or figurative expression, evinced
+considerable disgust. Mrs Gamp was so very much astonished by his
+affable manners and great ease, that she was about to propound to her
+landlord in a whisper the staggering inquiry, whether he was a man or
+a boy, when Mr Sweedlepipe, anticipating her design, made a timely
+diversion.
+
+'He knows Mrs Chuzzlewit,' said Paul aloud.
+
+'There's nothin' he don't know; that's my opinion,' observed Mrs Gamp.
+'All the wickedness of the world is Print to him.'
+
+Mr Bailey received this as a compliment, and said, adjusting his cravat,
+'reether so.'
+
+'As you knows Mrs Chuzzlewit, you knows, p'raps, what her chris'en name
+is?' Mrs Gamp observed.
+
+'Charity,' said Bailey.
+
+'That it ain't!' cried Mrs Gamp.
+
+'Cherry, then,' said Bailey. 'Cherry's short for it. It's all the same.'
+
+'It don't begin with a C at all,' retorted Mrs Gamp, shaking her head.
+'It begins with a M.'
+
+'Whew!' cried Mr Bailey, slapping a little cloud of pipe-clay out of his
+left leg, 'then he's been and married the merry one!'
+
+As these words were mysterious, Mrs Gamp called upon him to explain,
+which Mr Bailey proceeded to do; that lady listening greedily to
+everything he said. He was yet in the fullness of his narrative when the
+sound of wheels, and a double knock at the street door, announced the
+arrival of the newly married couple. Begging him to reserve what more he
+had to say for her hearing on the way home, Mrs Gamp took up the candle,
+and hurried away to receive and welcome the young mistress of the house.
+
+'Wishing you appiness and joy with all my art,' said Mrs Gamp, dropping
+a curtsey as they entered the hall; 'and you, too, sir. Your lady looks
+a little tired with the journey, Mr Chuzzlewit, a pretty dear!'
+
+'She has bothered enough about it,' grumbled Mr Jonas. 'Now, show a
+light, will you?'
+
+'This way, ma'am, if you please,' said Mrs Gamp, going upstairs before
+them. 'Things has been made as comfortable as they could be, but there's
+many things you'll have to alter your own self when you gets time
+to look about you! Ah! sweet thing! But you don't,' added Mrs Gamp,
+internally, 'you don't look much like a merry one, I must say!'
+
+It was true; she did not. The death that had gone before the bridal
+seemed to have left its shade upon the house. The air was heavy and
+oppressive; the rooms were dark; a deep gloom filled up every chink and
+corner. Upon the hearthstone, like a creature of ill omen, sat the aged
+clerk, with his eyes fixed on some withered branches in the stove. He
+rose and looked at her.
+
+'So there you are, Mr Chuff,' said Jonas carelessly, as he dusted his
+boots; 'still in the land of the living, eh?'
+
+'Still in the land of the living, sir,' retorted Mrs Gamp. 'And Mr
+Chuffey may thank you for it, as many and many a time I've told him.'
+
+Mr Jonas was not in the best of humours, for he merely said, as he
+looked round, 'We don't want you any more, you know, Mrs Gamp.'
+
+'I'm a-going immediate, sir,' returned the nurse; 'unless there's
+nothink I can do for you, ma'am. Ain't there,' said Mrs Gamp, with
+a look of great sweetness, and rummaging all the time in her pocket;
+'ain't there nothink I can do for you, my little bird?'
+
+'No,' said Merry, almost crying. 'You had better go away, please!'
+
+With a leer of mingled sweetness and slyness; with one eye on the
+future, one on the bride, and an arch expression in her face, partly
+spiritual, partly spirituous, and wholly professional and peculiar
+to her art; Mrs Gamp rummaged in her pocket again, and took from it a
+printed card, whereon was an inscription copied from her signboard.
+
+'Would you be so good, my darling dovey of a dear young married lady,'
+Mrs Gamp observed, in a low voice, 'as put that somewheres where you can
+keep it in your mind? I'm well beknown to many ladies, and it's my card.
+Gamp is my name, and Gamp my nater. Livin' quite handy, I will make
+so bold as call in now and then, and make inquiry how your health and
+spirits is, my precious chick!'
+
+And with innumerable leers, winks, coughs, nods, smiles, and curtseys,
+all leading to the establishment of a mysterious and confidential
+understanding between herself and the bride, Mrs Gamp, invoking a
+blessing upon the house, leered, winked, coughed, nodded, smiled, and
+curtseyed herself out of the room.
+
+'But I will say, and I would if I was led a Martha to the Stakes for
+it,' Mrs Gamp remarked below stairs, in a whisper, 'that she don't look
+much like a merry one at this present moment of time.'
+
+'Ah! wait till you hear her laugh!' said Bailey.
+
+'Hem!' cried Mrs Gamp, in a kind of groan. 'I will, child.'
+
+They said no more in the house, for Mrs Gamp put on her bonnet, Mr
+Sweedlepipe took up her box; and Mr Bailey accompanied them towards
+Kingsgate Street; recounting to Mrs Gamp as they went along, the origin
+and progress of his acquaintance with Mrs Chuzzlewit and her sister. It
+was a pleasant instance of this youth's precocity, that he fancied Mrs
+Gamp had conceived a tenderness for him, and was much tickled by her
+misplaced attachment.
+
+As the door closed heavily behind them, Mrs Jonas sat down in a chair,
+and felt a strange chill creep upon her, whilst she looked about the
+room. It was pretty much as she had known it, but appeared more dreary.
+She had thought to see it brightened to receive her.
+
+'It ain't good enough for you, I suppose?' said Jonas, watching her
+looks.
+
+'Why, it IS dull,' said Merry, trying to be more herself.
+
+'It'll be duller before you're done with it,' retorted Jonas, 'if you
+give me any of your airs. You're a nice article, to turn sulky on first
+coming home! Ecod, you used to have life enough, when you could plague
+me with it. The gal's downstairs. Ring the bell for supper, while I take
+my boots off!'
+
+She roused herself from looking after him as he left the room, to do
+what he had desired; when the old man Chuffey laid his hand softly on
+her arm.
+
+'You are not married?' he said eagerly. 'Not married?'
+
+'Yes. A month ago. Good Heaven, what is the matter?'
+
+He answered nothing was the matter; and turned from her. But in her fear
+and wonder, turning also, she saw him raise his trembling hands above
+his head, and heard him say:
+
+'Oh! woe, woe, woe, upon this wicked house!'
+
+It was her welcome--HOME.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
+
+SHOWING THAT OLD FRIENDS MAY NOT ONLY APPEAR WITH NEW FACES, BUT IN
+FALSE COLOURS. THAT PEOPLE ARE PRONE TO BITE, AND THAT BITERS MAY
+SOMETIMES BE BITTEN.
+
+
+Mr Bailey, Junior--for the sporting character, whilom of general utility
+at Todgers's, had now regularly set up in life under that name, without
+troubling himself to obtain from the legislature a direct licence in
+the form of a Private Bill, which of all kinds and classes of bills
+is without exception the most unreasonable in its charges--Mr Bailey,
+Junior, just tall enough to be seen by an inquiring eye, gazing
+indolently at society from beneath the apron of his master's cab, drove
+slowly up and down Pall Mall, about the hour of noon, in waiting for his
+'Governor.' The horse of distinguished family, who had Capricorn for his
+nephew, and Cauliflower for his brother, showed himself worthy of his
+high relations by champing at the bit until his chest was white with
+foam, and rearing like a horse in heraldry; the plated harness and the
+patent leather glittered in the sun; pedestrians admired; Mr Bailey was
+complacent, but unmoved. He seemed to say, 'A barrow, good people, a
+mere barrow; nothing to what we could do, if we chose!' and on he went,
+squaring his short green arms outside the apron, as if he were hooked on
+to it by his armpits.
+
+Mr Bailey had a great opinion of Brother to Cauliflower, and estimated
+his powers highly. But he never told him so. On the contrary, it was his
+practice, in driving that animal, to assail him with disrespectful,
+if not injurious, expressions, as, 'Ah! would you!' 'Did you think
+it, then?' 'Where are you going to now?' 'No, you won't, my lad!' and
+similar fragmentary remarks. These being usually accompanied by a jerk
+of the rein, or a crack of the whip, led to many trials of strength
+between them, and to many contentions for the upper-hand, terminating,
+now and then, in china-shops, and other unusual goals, as Mr Bailey had
+already hinted to his friend Poll Sweedlepipe.
+
+On the present occasion Mr Bailey, being in spirits, was more than
+commonly hard upon his charge; in consequence of which that fiery animal
+confined himself almost entirely to his hind legs in displaying his
+paces, and constantly got himself into positions with reference to the
+cabriolet that very much amazed the passengers in the street. But Mr
+Bailey, not at all disturbed, had still a shower of pleasantries to
+bestow on any one who crossed his path; as, calling to a full-grown
+coal-heaver in a wagon, who for a moment blocked the way, 'Now, young
+'un, who trusted YOU with a cart?' inquiring of elderly ladies who
+wanted to cross, and ran back again, 'Why they didn't go to the
+workhouse and get an order to be buried?' tempting boys, with friendly
+words, to get up behind, and immediately afterwards cutting them down;
+and the like flashes of a cheerful humour, which he would occasionally
+relieve by going round St. James's Square at a hand gallop, and coming
+slowly into Pall Mall by another entry, as if, in the interval, his pace
+had been a perfect crawl.
+
+It was not until these amusements had been very often repeated, and the
+apple-stall at the corner had sustained so many miraculous escapes as to
+appear impregnable, that Mr Bailey was summoned to the door of a certain
+house in Pall Mall, and turning short, obeyed the call and jumped out.
+It was not until he had held the bridle for some minutes longer, every
+jerk of Cauliflower's brother's head, and every twitch of Cauliflower's
+brother's nostril, taking him off his legs in the meanwhile, that
+two persons entered the vehicle, one of whom took the reins and drove
+rapidly off. Nor was it until Mr Bailey had run after it some hundreds
+of yards in vain, that he managed to lift his short leg into the iron
+step, and finally to get his boots upon the little footboard behind.
+Then, indeed, he became a sight to see; and--standing now on one foot
+and now upon the other, now trying to look round the cab on this side,
+now on that, and now endeavouring to peep over the top of it, as it went
+dashing in among the carts and coaches--was from head to heel Newmarket.
+
+The appearance of Mr Bailey's governor as he drove along fully justified
+that enthusiastic youth's description of him to the wondering Poll. He
+had a world of jet-black shining hair upon his head, upon his cheeks,
+upon his chin, upon his upper lip. His clothes, symmetrically made, were
+of the newest fashion and the costliest kind. Flowers of gold and blue,
+and green and blushing red, were on his waistcoat; precious chains
+and jewels sparkled on his breast; his fingers, clogged with brilliant
+rings, were as unwieldly as summer flies but newly rescued from a
+honey-pot. The daylight mantled in his gleaming hat and boots as in
+a polished glass. And yet, though changed his name, and changed his
+outward surface, it was Tigg. Though turned and twisted upside down,
+and inside out, as great men have been sometimes known to be; though
+no longer Montague Tigg, but Tigg Montague; still it was Tigg; the same
+Satanic, gallant, military Tigg. The brass was burnished, lacquered,
+newly stamped; yet it was the true Tigg metal notwithstanding.
+
+Beside him sat a smiling gentleman, of less pretensions and of business
+looks, whom he addressed as David. Surely not the David of the--how
+shall it be phrased?--the triumvirate of golden balls? Not David,
+tapster at the Lombards' Arms? Yes. The very man.
+
+'The secretary's salary, David,' said Mr Montague, 'the office being
+now established, is eight hundred pounds per annum, with his house-rent,
+coals, and candles free. His five-and-twenty shares he holds, of course.
+Is that enough?'
+
+David smiled and nodded, and coughed behind a little locked portfolio
+which he carried; with an air that proclaimed him to be the secretary in
+question.
+
+'If that's enough,' said Montague, 'I will propose it at the Board
+to-day, in my capacity as chairman.'
+
+The secretary smiled again; laughed, indeed, this time; and said,
+rubbing his nose slily with one end of the portfolio:
+
+'It was a capital thought, wasn't it?'
+
+'What was a capital thought, David?' Mr Montague inquired.
+
+'The Anglo-Bengalee,' tittered the secretary.
+
+'The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company is
+rather a capital concern, I hope, David,' said Montague.
+
+'Capital indeed!' cried the secretary, with another laugh--' in one
+sense.'
+
+'In the only important one,' observed the chairman; 'which is number
+one, David.'
+
+'What,' asked the secretary, bursting into another laugh, 'what will be
+the paid up capital, according to the next prospectus?'
+
+'A figure of two, and as many oughts after it as the printer can get
+into the same line,' replied his friend. 'Ha, ha!'
+
+At this they both laughed; the secretary so vehemently, that in kicking
+up his feet, he kicked the apron open, and nearly started Cauliflower's
+brother into an oyster shop; not to mention Mr Bailey's receiving such
+a sudden swing, that he held on for a moment quite a young Fame, by one
+strap and no legs.
+
+'What a chap you are!' exclaimed David admiringly, when this little
+alarm had subsided.
+
+'Say, genius, David, genius.'
+
+'Well, upon my soul, you ARE a genius then,' said David. 'I always knew
+you had the gift of the gab, of course; but I never believed you were
+half the man you are. How could I?'
+
+'I rise with circumstances, David. That's a point of genius in itself,'
+said Tigg. 'If you were to lose a hundred pound wager to me at
+this minute David, and were to pay it (which is most confoundedly
+improbable), I should rise, in a mental point of view, directly.'
+
+It is due to Mr Tigg to say that he had really risen with his
+opportunities; and, peculating on a grander scale, he had become a
+grander man altogether.
+
+'Ha, ha,' cried the secretary, laying his hand, with growing
+familiarity, upon the chairman's arm. 'When I look at you, and think of
+your property in Bengal being--ha, ha, ha!--'
+
+The half-expressed idea seemed no less ludicrous to Mr Tigg than to his
+friend, for he laughed too, heartily.
+
+'--Being,' resumed David, 'being amenable--your property in Bengal being
+amenable--to all claims upon the company; when I look at you and think
+of that, you might tickle me into fits by waving the feather of a pen at
+me. Upon my soul you might!'
+
+'It a devilish fine property,' said Tigg Montague, 'to be amenable
+to any claims. The preserve of tigers alone is worth a mint of money,
+David.'
+
+David could only reply in the intervals of his laughter, 'Oh, what a
+chap you are!' and so continued to laugh, and hold his sides, and wipe
+his eyes, for some time, without offering any other observation.
+
+'A capital idea?' said Tigg, returning after a time to his companion's
+first remark; 'no doubt it was a capital idea. It was my idea.'
+
+'No, no. It was my idea,' said David. 'Hang it, let a man have some
+credit. Didn't I say to you that I'd saved a few pounds?--'
+
+'You said! Didn't I say to you,' interposed Tigg, 'that I had come into
+a few pounds?'
+
+'Certainly you did,' returned David, warmly, 'but that's not the idea.
+Who said, that if we put the money together we could furnish an office,
+and make a show?'
+
+'And who said,' retorted Mr Tigg, 'that, provided we did it on a
+sufficiently large scale, we could furnish an office and make a show,
+without any money at all? Be rational, and just, and calm, and tell me
+whose idea was that.'
+
+'Why, there,' David was obliged to confess, 'you had the advantage of
+me, I admit. But I don't put myself on a level with you. I only want a
+little credit in the business.'
+
+'All the credit you deserve to have,' said Tigg.
+
+'The plain work of the company, David--figures, books, circulars,
+advertisements, pen, ink, and paper, sealing-wax and wafers--is
+admirably done by you. You are a first-rate groveller. I don't dispute
+it. But the ornamental department, David; the inventive and poetical
+department--'
+
+'Is entirely yours,' said his friend. 'No question of it. But with such
+a swell turnout as this, and all the handsome things you've got about
+you, and the life you lead, I mean to say it's a precious comfortable
+department too.'
+
+'Does it gain the purpose? Is it Anglo-Bengalee?' asked Tigg.
+
+'Yes,' said David.
+
+'Could you undertake it yourself?' demanded Tigg.
+
+'No,' said David.
+
+'Ha, ha!' laughed Tigg. 'Then be contented with your station and
+your profits, David, my fine fellow, and bless the day that made us
+acquainted across the counter of our common uncle, for it was a golden
+day to you.'
+
+It will have been already gathered from the conversation of these
+worthies, that they were embarked in an enterprise of some magnitude, in
+which they addressed the public in general from the strong position of
+having everything to gain and nothing at all to lose; and which, based
+upon this great principle, was thriving pretty comfortably.
+
+The Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company started
+into existence one morning, not an Infant Institution, but a Grown-up
+Company running alone at a great pace, and doing business right and
+left: with a 'branch' in a first floor over a tailor's at the west-end
+of the town, and main offices in a new street in the City, comprising
+the upper part of a spacious house resplendent in stucco and
+plate-glass, with wire-blinds in all the windows, and 'Anglo-Bengalee'
+worked into the pattern of every one of them. On the doorpost was
+painted again in large letters, 'offices of the Anglo-Bengalee
+Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company,' and on the door was a
+large brass plate with the same inscription; always kept very bright, as
+courting inquiry; staring the City out of countenance after office hours
+on working days, and all day long on Sundays; and looking bolder than
+the Bank. Within, the offices were newly plastered, newly painted,
+newly papered, newly countered, newly floor-clothed, newly tabled, newly
+chaired, newly fitted up in every way, with goods that were substantial
+and expensive, and designed (like the company) to last. Business! Look
+at the green ledgers with red backs, like strong cricket-balls beaten
+flat; the court-guides directories, day-books, almanacks, letter-boxes,
+weighing-machines for letters, rows of fire-buckets for dashing out a
+conflagration in its first spark, and saving the immense wealth in notes
+and bonds belonging to the company; look at the iron safes, the clock,
+the office seal--in its capacious self, security for anything. Solidity!
+Look at the massive blocks of marble in the chimney-pieces, and the
+gorgeous parapet on the top of the house! Publicity! Why, Anglo-Bengalee
+Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance company is painted on the very
+coal-scuttles. It is repeated at every turn until the eyes are dazzled
+with it, and the head is giddy. It is engraved upon the top of all the
+letter paper, and it makes a scroll-work round the seal, and it shines
+out of the porter's buttons, and it is repeated twenty times in every
+circular and public notice wherein one David Crimple, Esquire, Secretary
+and resident Director, takes the liberty of inviting your attention
+to the accompanying statement of the advantages offered by the
+Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Company; and fully
+proves to you that any connection on your part with that establishment
+must result in a perpetual Christmas Box and constantly increasing Bonus
+to yourself, and that nobody can run any risk by the transaction except
+the office, which, in its great liberality is pretty sure to lose. And
+this, David Crimple, Esquire, submits to you (and the odds are heavy you
+believe him), is the best guarantee that can reasonably be suggested by
+the Board of Management for its permanence and stability.
+
+This gentleman's name, by the way, had been originally Crimp; but as
+the word was susceptible of an awkward construction and might be
+misrepresented, he had altered it to Crimple.
+
+Lest with all these proofs and confirmations, any man should be
+suspicious of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance
+company; should doubt in tiger, cab, or person, Tigg Montague, Esquire,
+(of Pall Mall and Bengal), or any other name in the imaginative List of
+Directors; there was a porter on the premises--a wonderful creature,
+in a vast red waistcoat and a short-tailed pepper-and-salt coat--who
+carried more conviction to the minds of sceptics than the whole
+establishment without him. No confidences existed between him and the
+Directorship; nobody knew where he had served last; no character or
+explanation had been given or required. No questions had been asked on
+either side. This mysterious being, relying solely on his figure, had
+applied for the situation, and had been instantly engaged on his own
+terms. They were high; but he knew, doubtless, that no man could carry
+such an extent of waistcoat as himself, and felt the full value of his
+capacity to such an institution. When he sat upon a seat erected for him
+in a corner of the office, with his glazed hat hanging on a peg over his
+head, it was impossible to doubt the respectability of the concern.
+It went on doubling itself with every square inch of his red waistcoat
+until, like the problem of the nails in the horse's shoes, the total
+became enormous. People had been known to apply to effect an insurance
+on their lives for a thousand pounds, and looking at him, to beg, before
+the form of proposal was filled up, that it might be made two. And yet
+he was not a giant. His coat was rather small than otherwise. The whole
+charm was in his waistcoat. Respectability, competence, property in
+Bengal or anywhere else, responsibility to any amount on the part of the
+company that employed him, were all expressed in that one garment.
+
+Rival offices had endeavoured to lure him away; Lombard Street itself
+had beckoned to him; rich companies had whispered 'Be a Beadle!' but he
+still continued faithful to the Anglo-Bengalee. Whether he was a deep
+rogue, or a stately simpleton, it was impossible to make out, but he
+appeared to believe in the Anglo-Bengalee. He was grave with imaginary
+cares of office; and having nothing whatever to do, and something less
+to take care of, would look as if the pressure of his numerous duties,
+and a sense of the treasure in the company's strong-room, made him a
+solemn and a thoughtful man.
+
+As the cabriolet drove up to the door, this officer appeared bare-headed
+on the pavement, crying aloud 'Room for the chairman, room for the
+chairman, if you please!' much to the admiration of the bystanders,
+who, it is needless to say, had their attention directed to the
+Anglo-Bengalee Company thenceforth, by that means. Mr Tigg leaped
+gracefully out, followed by the Managing Director (who was by this time
+very distant and respectful), and ascended the stairs, still preceded by
+the porter, who cried as he went, 'By your leave there! by your leave!
+The Chairman of the Board, Gentle--MEN! In like manner, but in a still
+more stentorian voice, he ushered the chairman through the public
+office, where some humble clients were transacting business, into
+an awful chamber, labelled Board-room; the door of which sanctuary
+immediately closed, and screened the great capitalist from vulgar eyes.
+
+The board-room had a Turkey carpet in it, a sideboard, a portrait of
+Tigg Montague, Esquire, as chairman; a very imposing chair of office,
+garnished with an ivory hammer and a little hand-bell; and a long table,
+set out at intervals with sheets of blotting-paper, foolscap, clean
+pens, and inkstands. The chairman having taken his seat with great
+solemnity, the secretary supported him on his right hand, and the porter
+stood bolt upright behind them, forming a warm background of waistcoat.
+This was the board: everything else being a light-hearted little
+fiction.
+
+'Bullamy!' said Mr Tigg.
+
+'Sir!' replied the porter.
+
+'Let the Medical Officer know, with my compliments, that I wish to see
+him.'
+
+Bullamy cleared his throat, and bustled out into the office, crying 'The
+Chairman of the Board wishes to see the Medical Officer. By your leave
+there! By your leave!' He soon returned with the gentleman in question;
+and at both openings of the board-room door--at his coming in and at
+his going out--simple clients were seen to stretch their necks and
+stand upon their toes, thirsting to catch the slightest glimpse of that
+mysterious chamber.
+
+'Jobling, my dear friend!' said Mr Tigg, 'how are you? Bullamy, wait
+outside. Crimple, don't leave us. Jobling, my good fellow, I am glad to
+see you.'
+
+'And how are you, Mr Montague, eh?' said the Medical Officer, throwing
+himself luxuriously into an easy-chair (they were all easy-chairs in the
+board-room), and taking a handsome gold snuff-box from the pocket of his
+black satin waistcoat. 'How are you? A little worn with business, eh? If
+so, rest. A little feverish from wine, humph? If so, water. Nothing
+at all the matter, and quite comfortable? Then take some lunch. A very
+wholesome thing at this time of day to strengthen the gastric juices
+with lunch, Mr Montague.'
+
+The Medical Officer (he was the same medical officer who had followed
+poor old Anthony Chuzzlewit to the grave, and who had attended Mrs
+Gamp's patient at the Bull) smiled in saying these words; and casually
+added, as he brushed some grains of snuff from his shirt-frill, 'I
+always take it myself about this time of day, do you know!'
+
+'Bullamy!' said the Chairman, ringing the little bell.
+
+'Sir!'
+
+'Lunch.'
+
+'Not on my account, I hope?' said the doctor. 'You are very good. Thank
+you. I'm quite ashamed. Ha, ha! if I had been a sharp practitioner,
+Mr Montague, I shouldn't have mentioned it without a fee; for you may
+depend upon it, my dear sir, that if you don't make a point of taking
+lunch, you'll very soon come under my hands. Allow me to illustrate
+this. In Mr Crimple's leg--'
+
+The resident Director gave an involuntary start, for the doctor, in the
+heat of his demonstration, caught it up and laid it across his own, as
+if he were going to take it off, then and there.
+
+'In Mr Crimple's leg, you'll observe,' pursued the doctor, turning back
+his cuffs and spanning the limb with both hands, 'where Mr Crimple's
+knee fits into the socket, here, there is--that is to say, between the
+bone and the socket--a certain quantity of animal oil.'
+
+'What do you pick MY leg out for?' said Mr Crimple, looking with
+something of an anxious expression at his limb. 'It's the same with
+other legs, ain't it?'
+
+'Never you mind, my good sir,' returned the doctor, shaking his head,
+'whether it is the same with other legs, or not the same.'
+
+'But I do mind,' said David.
+
+'I take a particular case, Mr Montague,' returned the doctor, 'as
+illustrating my remark, you observe. In this portion of Mr Crimple's
+leg, sir, there is a certain amount of animal oil. In every one of Mr
+Crimple's joints, sir, there is more or less of the same deposit. Very
+good. If Mr Crimple neglects his meals, or fails to take his proper
+quantity of rest, that oil wanes, and becomes exhausted. What is the
+consequence? Mr Crimple's bones sink down into their sockets, sir, and
+Mr Crimple becomes a weazen, puny, stunted, miserable man!'
+
+The doctor let Mr Crimple's leg fall suddenly, as if he were already in
+that agreeable condition; turned down his wristbands again, and looked
+triumphantly at the chairman.
+
+'We know a few secrets of nature in our profession, sir,' said the
+doctor. 'Of course we do. We study for that; we pass the Hall and the
+College for that; and we take our station in society BY that. It's
+extraordinary how little is known on these subjects generally. Where
+do you suppose, now'--the doctor closed one eye, as he leaned back
+smilingly in his chair, and formed a triangle with his hands, of which
+his two thumbs composed the base--'where do you suppose Mr Crimple's
+stomach is?'
+
+Mr Crimple, more agitated than before, clapped his hand immediately
+below his waistcoat.
+
+'Not at all,' cried the doctor; 'not at all. Quite a popular mistake! My
+good sir, you're altogether deceived.'
+
+'I feel it there, when it's out of order; that's all I know,' said
+Crimple.
+
+'You think you do,' replied the doctor; 'but science knows better. There
+was a patient of mine once,' touching one of the many mourning rings
+upon his fingers, and slightly bowing his head, 'a gentleman who did
+me the honour to make a very handsome mention of me in his will--"in
+testimony," as he was pleased to say, "of the unremitting zeal, talent,
+and attention of my friend and medical attendant, John Jobling, Esquire,
+M.R.C.S.,"--who was so overcome by the idea of having all his life
+laboured under an erroneous view of the locality of this important
+organ, that when I assured him on my professional reputation, he was
+mistaken, he burst into tears, put out his hand, and said, "Jobling,
+God bless you!" Immediately afterwards he became speechless, and was
+ultimately buried at Brixton.'
+
+'By your leave there!' cried Bullamy, without. 'By your leave!
+Refreshment for the Board-room!'
+
+'Ha!' said the doctor, jocularly, as he rubbed his hands, and drew his
+chair nearer to the table. 'The true Life Assurance, Mr Montague. The
+best Policy in the world, my dear sir. We should be provident, and eat
+and drink whenever we can. Eh, Mr Crimple?'
+
+The resident Director acquiesced rather sulkily, as if the gratification
+of replenishing his stomach had been impaired by the unsettlement of his
+preconceived opinions in reference to its situation. But the appearance
+of the porter and under-porter with a tray covered with a snow-white
+cloth, which, being thrown back, displayed a pair of cold roast fowls,
+flanked by some potted meats and a cool salad, quickly restored his
+good humour. It was enhanced still further by the arrival of a bottle
+of excellent madeira, and another of champagne; and he soon attacked
+the repast with an appetite scarcely inferior to that of the medical
+officer.
+
+The lunch was handsomely served, with a profusion of rich glass plate,
+and china; which seemed to denote that eating and drinking on a showy
+scale formed no unimportant item in the business of the Anglo-Bengalee
+Directorship. As it proceeded, the Medical Officer grew more and more
+joyous and red-faced, insomuch that every mouthful he ate, and every
+drop of wine he swallowed, seemed to impart new lustre to his eyes, and
+to light up new sparks in his nose and forehead.
+
+In certain quarters of the City and its neighbourhood, Mr Jobling was,
+as we have already seen in some measure, a very popular character. He
+had a portentously sagacious chin, and a pompous voice, with a rich
+huskiness in some of its tones that went directly to the heart, like a
+ray of light shining through the ruddy medium of choice old burgundy.
+His neckerchief and shirt-frill were ever of the whitest, his clothes of
+the blackest and sleekest, his gold watch-chain of the heaviest, and
+his seals of the largest. His boots, which were always of the brightest,
+creaked as he walked. Perhaps he could shake his head, rub his hands,
+or warm himself before a fire, better than any man alive; and he had a
+peculiar way of smacking his lips and saying, 'Ah!' at intervals while
+patients detailed their symptoms, which inspired great confidence. It
+seemed to express, 'I know what you're going to say better than you do;
+but go on, go on.' As he talked on all occasions whether he had anything
+to say or not, it was unanimously observed of him that he was 'full of
+anecdote;' and his experience and profit from it were considered, for
+the same reason, to be something much too extensive for description. His
+female patients could never praise him too highly; and the coldest of
+his male admirers would always say this for him to their friends, 'that
+whatever Jobling's professional skill might be (and it could not be
+denied that he had a very high reputation), he was one of the most
+comfortable fellows you ever saw in your life!'
+
+Jobling was for many reasons, and not last in the list because his
+connection lay principally among tradesmen and their families, exactly
+the sort of person whom the Anglo-Bengalee Company wanted for a medical
+officer. But Jobling was far too knowing to connect himself with the
+company in any closer ties than as a paid (and well paid) functionary,
+or to allow his connection to be misunderstood abroad, if he could help
+it. Hence he always stated the case to an inquiring patient, after this
+manner:
+
+'Why, my dear sir, with regard to the Anglo-Bengalee, my information,
+you see, is limited; very limited. I am the medical officer, in
+consideration of a certain monthly payment. The labourer is worthy of
+his hire; BIS DAT QUI CITO DAT'--('classical scholar, Jobling!' thinks
+the patient, 'well-read man!')--'and I receive it regularly. Therefore
+I am bound, so far as my own knowledge goes, to speak well of the
+establishment.' ('Nothing can be fairer than Jobling's conduct,' thinks
+the patient, who has just paid Jobling's bill himself.) 'If you put
+any question to me, my dear friend,' says the doctor, 'touching the
+responsibility or capital of the company, there I am at fault; for I
+have no head for figures, and not being a shareholder, am delicate of
+showing any curiosity whatever on the subject. Delicacy--your
+amiable lady will agree with me I am sure--should be one of the first
+characteristics of a medical man.' ('Nothing can be finer or more
+gentlemanly than Jobling's feeling,' thinks the patient.) 'Very good,
+my dear sir, so the matter stands. You don't know Mr Montague? I'm sorry
+for it. A remarkably handsome man, and quite the gentleman in every
+respect. Property, I am told, in India. House and everything belonging
+to him, beautiful. Costly furniture on the most elegant and lavish
+scale. And pictures, which, even in an anatomical point of view, are
+perfection. In case you should ever think of doing anything with the
+company, I'll pass you, you may depend upon it. I can conscientiously
+report you a healthy subject. If I understand any man's constitution, it
+is yours; and this little indisposition has done him more good,
+ma'am,' says the doctor, turning to the patient's wife, 'than if he had
+swallowed the contents of half the nonsensical bottles in my surgery.
+For they ARE nonsense--to tell the honest truth, one half of them are
+nonsense--compared with such a constitution as his!' ('Jobling is the
+most friendly creature I ever met with in my life,' thinks the patient;
+'and upon my word and honour, I'll consider of it!')
+
+'Commission to you, doctor, on four new policies, and a loan this
+morning, eh?' said Crimple, looking, when they had finished lunch, over
+some papers brought in by the porter. 'Well done!'
+
+'Jobling, my dear friend,' said Tigg, 'long life to you.'
+
+'No, no. Nonsense. Upon my word I've no right to draw the commission,'
+said the doctor, 'I haven't really. It's picking your pocket. I don't
+recommend anybody here. I only say what I know. My patients ask me what
+I know, and I tell 'em what I know. Nothing else. Caution is my weak
+side, that's the truth; and always was from a boy. That is,' said the
+doctor, filling his glass, 'caution in behalf of other people. Whether I
+would repose confidence in this company myself, if I had not been paying
+money elsewhere for many years--that's quite another question.'
+
+He tried to look as if there were no doubt about it; but feeling that he
+did it but indifferently, changed the theme and praised the wine.
+
+'Talking of wine,' said the doctor, 'reminds me of one of the finest
+glasses of light old port I ever drank in my life; and that was at a
+funeral. You have not seen anything of--of THAT party, Mr Montague, have
+you?' handing him a card.
+
+'He is not buried, I hope?' said Tigg, as he took it. 'The honour of his
+company is not requested if he is.'
+
+'Ha, ha!' laughed the doctor. 'No; not quite. He was honourably
+connected with that very occasion though.'
+
+'Oh!' said Tigg, smoothing his moustache, as he cast his eyes upon the
+name. 'I recollect. No. He has not been here.'
+
+The words were on his lips, when Bullamy entered, and presented a card
+to the Medical Officer.
+
+'Talk of the what's his name--' observed the doctor rising.
+
+'And he's sure to appear, eh?' said Tigg.
+
+'Why, no, Mr Montague, no,' returned the doctor. 'We will not say that
+in the present case, for this gentleman is very far from it.'
+
+'So much the better,' retorted Tigg. 'So much the more adaptable to the
+Anglo-Bengalee. Bullamy, clear the table and take the things out by the
+other door. Mr Crimple, business.'
+
+'Shall I introduce him?' asked Jobling.
+
+'I shall be eternally delighted,' answered Tigg, kissing his hand and
+smiling sweetly.
+
+The doctor disappeared into the outer office, and immediately returned
+with Jonas Chuzzlewit.
+
+'Mr Montague,' said Jobling. 'Allow me. My friend Mr Chuzzlewit. My dear
+friend--our chairman. Now do you know,' he added checking himself with
+infinite policy, and looking round with a smile; 'that's a very singular
+instance of the force of example. It really is a very remarkable
+instance of the force of example. I say OUR chairman. Why do I say our
+chairman? Because he is not MY chairman, you know. I have no connection
+with the company, farther than giving them, for a certain fee and
+reward, my poor opinion as a medical man, precisely as I may give it any
+day to Jack Noakes or Tom Styles. Then why do I say our chairman? Simply
+because I hear the phrase constantly repeated about me. Such is the
+involuntary operation of the mental faculty in the imitative biped man.
+Mr Crimple, I believe you never take snuff? Injudicious. You should.'
+
+Pending these remarks on the part of the doctor, and the lengthened and
+sonorous pinch with which he followed them up, Jonas took a seat at
+the board; as ungainly a man as ever he has been within the reader's
+knowledge. It is too common with all of us, but it is especially in
+the nature of a mean mind, to be overawed by fine clothes and fine
+furniture. They had a very decided influence on Jonas.
+
+'Now you two gentlemen have business to discuss, I know,' said the
+doctor, 'and your time is precious. So is mine; for several lives are
+waiting for me in the next room, and I have a round of visits to make
+after--after I have taken 'em. Having had the happiness to introduce you
+to each other, I may go about my business. Good-bye. But allow me, Mr
+Montague, before I go, to say this of my friend who sits beside you:
+That gentleman has done more, sir,' rapping his snuff-box solemnly, 'to
+reconcile me to human nature, than any man alive or dead. Good-bye!'
+
+With these words Jobling bolted abruptly out of the room, and proceeded
+in his own official department, to impress the lives in waiting with a
+sense of his keen conscientiousness in the discharge of his duty, and
+the great difficulty of getting into the Anglo-Bengalee; by feeling
+their pulses, looking at their tongues, listening at their ribs,
+poking them in the chest, and so forth; though, if he didn't well know
+beforehand that whatever kind of lives they were, the Anglo-Bengalee
+would accept them readily, he was far from being the Jobling that his
+friend considered him; and was not the original Jobling, but a spurious
+imitation.
+
+Mr Crimple also departed on the business of the morning; and Jonas
+Chuzzlewit and Tigg were left alone.
+
+'I learn from our friend,' said Tigg, drawing his chair towards Jonas
+with a winning ease of manner, 'that you have been thinking--'
+
+'Oh! Ecod then he'd no right to say so,' cried Jonas, interrupting.
+'I didn't tell HIM my thoughts. If he took it into his head that I was
+coming here for such or such a purpose, why, that's his lookout. I don't
+stand committed by that.'
+
+Jonas said this offensively enough; for over and above the habitual
+distrust of his character, it was in his nature to seek to revenge
+himself on the fine clothes and the fine furniture, in exact proportion
+as he had been unable to withstand their influence.
+
+'If I come here to ask a question or two, and get a document or two to
+consider of, I don't bind myself to anything. Let's understand that, you
+know,' said Jonas.
+
+'My dear fellow!' cried Tigg, clapping him on the shoulder, 'I applaud
+your frankness. If men like you and I speak openly at first, all
+possible misunderstanding is avoided. Why should I disguise what you
+know so well, but what the crowd never dream of? We companies are all
+birds of prey; mere birds of prey. The only question is, whether in
+serving our own turn, we can serve yours too; whether in double-lining
+our own nest, we can put a single living into yours. Oh, you're in our
+secret. You're behind the scenes. We'll make a merit of dealing plainly
+with you, when we know we can't help it.'
+
+It was remarked, on the first introduction of Mr Jonas into these pages,
+that there is a simplicity of cunning no less than a simplicity of
+innocence, and that in all matters involving a faith in knavery, he was
+the most credulous of men. If Mr Tigg had preferred any claim to high
+and honourable dealing, Jonas would have suspected him though he had
+been a very model of probity; but when he gave utterance to Jonas's own
+thoughts of everything and everybody, Jonas began to feel that he was a
+pleasant fellow, and one to be talked to freely.
+
+He changed his position in the chair, not for a less awkward, but for a
+more boastful attitude; and smiling in his miserable conceit rejoined:
+
+'You an't a bad man of business, Mr Montague. You know how to set about
+it, I WILL say.'
+
+'Tut, tut,' said Tigg, nodding confidentially, and showing his white
+teeth; 'we are not children, Mr Chuzzlewit; we are grown men, I hope.'
+
+Jonas assented, and said after a short silence, first spreading out his
+legs, and sticking one arm akimbo to show how perfectly at home he was,
+
+'The truth is--'
+
+'Don't say, the truth,' interposed Tigg, with another grin. 'It's so
+like humbug.'
+
+Greatly charmed by this, Jonas began again.
+
+'The long and the short of it is--'
+
+'Better,' muttered Tigg. 'Much better!'
+
+'--That I didn't consider myself very well used by one or two of the old
+companies in some negotiations I have had with 'em--once had, I mean.
+They started objections they had no right to start, and put questions
+they had no right to put, and carried things much too high for my
+taste.'
+
+As he made these observations he cast down his eyes, and looked
+curiously at the carpet. Mr Tigg looked curiously at him.
+
+He made so long a pause, that Tigg came to the rescue, and said, in his
+pleasantest manner:
+
+'Take a glass of wine.'
+
+'No, no,' returned Jonas, with a cunning shake of the head; 'none of
+that, thankee. No wine over business. All very well for you, but it
+wouldn't do for me.'
+
+'What an old hand you are, Mr Chuzzlewit!' said Tigg, leaning back in
+his chair, and leering at him through his half-shut eyes.
+
+Jonas shook his head again, as much as to say, 'You're right there;' And
+then resumed, jocosely:
+
+'Not such an old hand, either, but that I've been and got married.
+That's rather green, you'll say. Perhaps it is, especially as she's
+young. But one never knows what may happen to these women, so I'm
+thinking of insuring her life. It is but fair, you know, that a man
+should secure some consolation in case of meeting with such a loss.'
+
+'If anything can console him under such heart-breaking circumstances,'
+murmured Tigg, with his eyes shut up as before.
+
+'Exactly,' returned Jonas; 'if anything can. Now, supposing I did it
+here, I should do it cheap, I know, and easy, without bothering her
+about it; which I'd much rather not do, for it's just in a woman's way
+to take it into her head, if you talk to her about such things, that
+she's going to die directly.'
+
+'So it is,' cried Tigg, kissing his hand in honour of the sex. 'You're
+quite right. Sweet, silly, fluttering little simpletons!'
+
+'Well,' said Jonas, 'on that account, you know, and because offence
+has been given me in other quarters, I wouldn't mind patronizing this
+Company. But I want to know what sort of security there is for the
+Company's going on. That's the--'
+
+'Not the truth?' cried Tigg, holding up his jewelled hand. 'Don't use
+that Sunday School expression, please!'
+
+'The long and the short of it,' said Jonas. 'The long and the short of
+it is, what's the security?'
+
+'The paid-up capital, my dear sir,' said Tigg, referring to some papers
+on the table, 'is, at this present moment--'
+
+'Oh! I understand all about paid-up capitals, you know,' said Jonas.
+
+'You do?' cried Tigg, stopping short.
+
+'I should hope so.'
+
+He turned the papers down again, and moving nearer to him, said in his
+ear:
+
+'I know you do. I know you do. Look at me!'
+
+It was not much in Jonas's way to look straight at anybody; but thus
+requested, he made shift to take a tolerable survey of the chairman's
+features. The chairman fell back a little, to give him the better
+opportunity.
+
+'You know me?' he inquired, elevating his eyebrows. 'You recollect?
+You've seen me before?'
+
+'Why, I thought I remembered your face when I first came in,' said
+Jonas, gazing at it; 'but I couldn't call to mind where I had seen it.
+No. I don't remember, even now. Was it in the street?'
+
+'Was it in Pecksniff's parlour?' said Tigg
+
+'In Pecksniff's parlour!' echoed Jonas, fetching a long breath. 'You
+don't mean when--'
+
+'Yes,' cried Tigg, 'when there was a very charming and delightful little
+family party, at which yourself and your respected father assisted.'
+
+'Well, never mind HIM,' said Jonas. 'He's dead, and there's no help for
+it.'
+
+'Dead, is he!' cried Tigg, 'Venerable old gentleman, is he dead! You're
+very like him.'
+
+Jonas received this compliment with anything but a good grace, perhaps
+because of his own private sentiments in reference to the personal
+appearance of his deceased parent; perhaps because he was not best
+pleased to find that Montague and Tigg were one. That gentleman
+perceived it, and tapping him familiarly on the sleeve, beckoned him
+to the window. From this moment, Mr Montague's jocularity and flow of
+spirits were remarkable.
+
+'Do you find me at all changed since that time?' he asked. 'Speak
+plainly.'
+
+Jonas looked hard at his waistcoat and jewels; and said 'Rather, ecod!'
+
+'Was I at all seedy in those days?' asked Montague.
+
+'Precious seedy,' said Jonas.
+
+Mr Montague pointed down into the street, where Bailey and the cab were
+in attendance.
+
+'Neat; perhaps dashing. Do you know whose it is?'
+
+'No.'
+
+'Mine. Do you like this room?'
+
+'It must have cost a lot of money,' said Jonas.
+
+'You're right. Mine too. Why don't you'--he whispered this, and nudged
+him in the side with his elbow--'why don't you take premiums, instead of
+paying 'em? That's what a man like you should do. Join us!'
+
+Jonas stared at him in amazement.
+
+'Is that a crowded street?' asked Montague, calling his attention to the
+multitude without.
+
+'Very,' said Jonas, only glancing at it, and immediately afterwards
+looking at him again.
+
+'There are printed calculations,' said his companion, 'which will
+tell you pretty nearly how many people will pass up and down that
+thoroughfare in the course of a day. I can tell you how many of 'em will
+come in here, merely because they find this office here; knowing no more
+about it than they do of the Pyramids. Ha, ha! Join us. You shall come
+in cheap.'
+
+Jonas looked at him harder and harder.
+
+'I can tell you,' said Tigg in his ear, 'how many of 'em will buy
+annuities, effect insurances, bring us their money in a hundred shapes
+and ways, force it upon us, trust us as if we were the Mint; yet know no
+more about us than you do of that crossing-sweeper at the corner. Not so
+much. Ha, ha!'
+
+Jonas gradually broke into a smile.
+
+'Yah!' said Montague, giving him a pleasant thrust in the breast;
+'you're too deep for us, you dog, or I wouldn't have told you. Dine with
+me to-morrow, in Pall Mall!'
+
+'I will' said Jonas.
+
+'Done!' cried Montague. 'Wait a bit. Take these papers with you and look
+'em over. See,' he said, snatching some printed forms from the table. 'B
+is a little tradesman, clerk, parson, artist, author, any common thing
+you like.'
+
+'Yes,' said Jonas, looking greedily over his shoulder. 'Well!'
+
+'B wants a loan. Say fifty or a hundred pound; perhaps more; no matter.
+B proposes self and two securities. B is accepted. Two securities give
+a bond. B assures his own life for double the amount, and brings two
+friends' lives also--just to patronize the office. Ha ha, ha! Is that a
+good notion?'
+
+'Ecod, that's a capital notion!' cried Jonas. 'But does he really do
+it?'
+
+'Do it!' repeated the chairman. 'B's hard up, my good fellow, and will
+do anything. Don't you see? It's my idea.'
+
+'It does you honour. I'm blest if it don't,' said Jonas.
+
+'I think it does,' replied the chairman, 'and I'm proud to hear you say
+so. B pays the highest lawful interest--'
+
+'That an't much,' interrupted Jonas.
+
+'Right! quite right!' retorted Tigg. 'And hard it is upon the part
+of the law that it should be so confoundedly down upon us unfortunate
+victims; when it takes such amazing good interest for itself from all
+its clients. But charity begins at home, and justice begins next door.
+Well! The law being hard upon us, we're not exactly soft upon B; for
+besides charging B the regular interest, we get B's premium, and B's
+friends' premiums, and we charge B for the bond, and, whether we accept
+him or not, we charge B for "inquiries" (we keep a man, at a pound a
+week, to make 'em), and we charge B a trifle for the secretary; and in
+short, my good fellow, we stick it into B, up hill and down dale, and
+make a devilish comfortable little property out of him. Ha, ha, ha! I
+drive B, in point of fact,' said Tigg, pointing to the cabriolet, 'and a
+thoroughbred horse he is. Ha, ha, ha!'
+
+Jonas enjoyed this joke very much indeed. It was quite in his peculiar
+vein of humour.
+
+'Then,' said Tigg Montague, 'we grant annuities on the very lowest and
+most advantageous terms known in the money market; and the old ladies
+and gentlemen down in the country buy 'em. Ha, ha, ha! And we pay 'em
+too--perhaps. Ha, ha, ha!'
+
+'But there's responsibility in that,' said Jonas, looking doubtful.
+
+'I take it all myself,' said Tigg Montague. 'Here I am responsible for
+everything. The only responsible person in the establishment! Ha,
+ha, ha! Then there are the Life Assurances without loans; the common
+policies. Very profitable, very comfortable. Money down, you know;
+repeated every year; capital fun!'
+
+'But when they begin to fall in,' observed Jonas. 'It's all very well,
+while the office is young, but when the policies begin to die--that's
+what I am thinking of.'
+
+'At the first start, my dear fellow,' said Montague, 'to show you how
+correct your judgment is, we had a couple of unlucky deaths that brought
+us down to a grand piano.'
+
+'Brought you down where?' cried Jonas.
+
+'I give you my sacred word of honour,' said Tigg Montague, 'that I
+raised money on every other individual piece of property, and was left
+alone in the world with a grand piano. And it was an upright-grand too,
+so that I couldn't even sit upon it. But, my dear fellow, we got over
+it. We granted a great many new policies that week (liberal allowance
+to solicitors, by the bye), and got over it in no time. Whenever they
+should chance to fall in heavily, as you very justly observe they may,
+one of these days; then--' he finished the sentence in so low a whisper,
+that only one disconnected word was audible, and that imperfectly. But
+it sounded like 'Bolt.'
+
+'Why, you're as bold as brass!' said Jonas, in the utmost admiration.
+
+'A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he
+gets gold in exchange!' cried the chairman, with a laugh that shook him
+from head to foot. 'You'll dine with me to-morrow?'
+
+'At what time?' asked Jonas.
+
+'Seven. Here's my card. Take the documents. I see you'll join us!'
+
+'I don't know about that,' said Jonas. 'There's a good deal to be looked
+into first.'
+
+'You shall look,' said Montague, slapping him on the back, 'into
+anything and everything you please. But you'll join us, I am convinced.
+You were made for it. Bullamy!'
+
+Obedient to the summons and the little bell, the waistcoat appeared.
+Being charged to show Jonas out, it went before; and the voice within it
+cried, as usual, 'By your leave there, by your leave! Gentleman from the
+board-room, by your leave!'
+
+Mr Montague being left alone, pondered for some moments, and then said,
+raising his voice:
+
+'Is Nadgett in the office there?'
+
+'Here he is, sir.' And he promptly entered; shutting the board-room door
+after him, as carefully as if he were about to plot a murder.
+
+He was the man at a pound a week who made the inquiries. It was no
+virtue or merit in Nadgett that he transacted all his Anglo-Bengalee
+business secretly and in the closest confidence; for he was born to be
+a secret. He was a short, dried-up, withered old man, who seemed to have
+secreted his very blood; for nobody would have given him credit for the
+possession of six ounces of it in his whole body. How he lived was a
+secret; where he lived was a secret; and even what he was, was a secret.
+In his musty old pocket-book he carried contradictory cards, in some of
+which he called himself a coal-merchant, in others a wine-merchant,
+in others a commission-agent, in others a collector, in others an
+accountant; as if he really didn't know the secret himself. He was
+always keeping appointments in the City, and the other man never seemed
+to come. He would sit on 'Change for hours, looking at everybody who
+walked in and out, and would do the like at Garraway's, and in other
+business coffee-rooms, in some of which he would be occasionally seen
+drying a very damp pocket-handkerchief before the fire, and still
+looking over his shoulder for the man who never appeared. He was
+mildewed, threadbare, shabby; always had flue upon his legs and back;
+and kept his linen so secretly buttoning up and wrapping over, that he
+might have had none--perhaps he hadn't. He carried one stained beaver
+glove, which he dangled before him by the forefinger as he walked or
+sat; but even its fellow was a secret. Some people said he had been a
+bankrupt, others that he had gone an infant into an ancient Chancery
+suit which was still depending, but it was all a secret. He carried bits
+of sealing-wax and a hieroglyphical old copper seal in his pocket, and
+often secretly indited letters in corner boxes of the trysting-places
+before mentioned; but they never appeared to go to anybody, for he would
+put them into a secret place in his coat, and deliver them to himself
+weeks afterwards, very much to his own surprise, quite yellow. He was
+that sort of man that if he had died worth a million of money, or had
+died worth twopence halfpenny, everybody would have been perfectly
+satisfied, and would have said it was just as they expected. And yet
+he belonged to a class; a race peculiar to the City; who are secrets as
+profound to one another, as they are to the rest of mankind.
+
+'Mr Nadgett,' said Montague, copying Jonas Chuzzlewit's address upon a
+piece of paper, from the card which was still lying on the table, 'any
+information about this name, I shall be glad to have myself. Don't you
+mind what it is. Any you can scrape together, bring me. Bring it to me,
+Mr Nadgett.'
+
+Nadgett put on his spectacles, and read the name attentively; then
+looked at the chairman over his glasses, and bowed; then took them off,
+and put them in their case; and then put the case in his pocket. When he
+had done so, he looked, without his spectacles, at the paper as it lay
+before him, and at the same time produced his pocket-book from somewhere
+about the middle of his spine. Large as it was, it was very full of
+documents, but he found a place for this one; and having clasped it
+carefully, passed it by a kind of solemn legerdemain into the same
+region as before.
+
+He withdrew with another bow and without a word; opening the door
+no wider than was sufficient for his passage out; and shutting it as
+carefully as before. The chairman of the board employed the rest of the
+morning in affixing his sign-manual of gracious acceptance to various
+new proposals of annuity-purchase and assurance. The Company was looking
+up, for they flowed in gayly.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
+
+MR MONTAGUE AT HOME. AND MR JONAS CHUZZLEWIT AT HOME
+
+
+There were many powerful reasons for Jonas Chuzzlewit being strongly
+prepossessed in favour of the scheme which its great originator had so
+boldly laid open to him; but three among them stood prominently forward.
+Firstly, there was money to be made by it. Secondly, the money had the
+peculiar charm of being sagaciously obtained at other people's cost.
+Thirdly, it involved much outward show of homage and distinction: a
+board being an awful institution in its own sphere, and a director a
+mighty man. 'To make a swingeing profit, have a lot of chaps to order
+about, and get into regular good society by one and the same means, and
+them so easy to one's hand, ain't such a bad look-out,' thought
+Jonas. The latter considerations were only second to his avarice; for,
+conscious that there was nothing in his person, conduct, character, or
+accomplishments, to command respect, he was greedy of power, and was, in
+his heart, as much a tyrant as any laureled conqueror on record.
+
+But he determined to proceed with cunning and caution, and to be very
+keen on his observation of the gentility of Mr Montague's private
+establishment. For it no more occurred to this shallow knave that
+Montague wanted him to be so, or he wouldn't have invited him while his
+decision was yet in abeyance, than the possibility of that genius being
+able to overreach him in any way, pierced through his self-deceit by the
+inlet of a needle's point. He had said, in the outset, that Jonas
+was too sharp for him; and Jonas, who would have been sharp enough to
+believe him in nothing else, though he had solemnly sworn it, believed
+him in that, instantly.
+
+It was with a faltering hand, and yet with an imbecile attempt at a
+swagger, that he knocked at his new friend's door in Pall Mall when the
+appointed hour arrived. Mr Bailey quickly answered to the summons. He
+was not proud and was kindly disposed to take notice of Jonas; but Jonas
+had forgotten him.
+
+'Mr Montague at home?'
+
+'I should hope he wos at home, and waiting dinner, too,' said Bailey,
+with the ease of an old acquaintance. 'Will you take your hat up along
+with you, or leave it here?'
+
+Mr Jonas preferred leaving it there.
+
+'The hold name, I suppose?' said Bailey, with a grin.
+
+Mr Jonas stared at him in mute indignation.
+
+'What, don't you remember hold mother Todgers's?' said Mr Bailey, with
+his favourite action of the knees and boots. 'Don't you remember my
+taking your name up to the young ladies, when you came a-courting there?
+A reg'lar scaly old shop, warn't it? Times is changed ain't they. I say
+how you've growed!'
+
+Without pausing for any acknowledgement of this compliment, he ushered
+the visitor upstairs, and having announced him, retired with a private
+wink.
+
+The lower story of the house was occupied by a wealthy tradesman, but
+Mr Montague had all the upper portion, and splendid lodging it was. The
+room in which he received Jonas was a spacious and elegant apartment,
+furnished with extreme magnificence; decorated with pictures, copies
+from the antique in alabaster and marble, china vases, lofty mirrors,
+crimson hangings of the richest silk, gilded carvings, luxurious
+couches, glistening cabinets inlaid with precious woods; costly toys of
+every sort in negligent abundance. The only guests besides Jonas
+were the doctor, the resident Director, and two other gentlemen, whom
+Montague presented in due form.
+
+'My dear friend, I am delighted to see you. Jobling you know, I
+believe?'
+
+'I think so,' said the doctor pleasantly, as he stepped out of the
+circle to shake hands. 'I trust I have the honour. I hope so. My dear
+sir, I see you well. Quite well? THAT'S well!'
+
+'Mr Wolf,' said Montague, as soon as the doctor would allow him to
+introduce the two others, 'Mr Chuzzlewit. Mr Pip, Mr Chuzzlewit.'
+
+Both gentlemen were exceedingly happy to have the honour of making Mr
+Chuzzlewit's acquaintance. The doctor drew Jonas a little apart, and
+whispered behind his hand:
+
+'Men of the world, my dear sir--men of the world. Hem! Mr Wolf--literary
+character--you needn't mention it--remarkably clever weekly paper--oh,
+remarkably clever! Mr Pip--theatrical man--capital man to know--oh,
+capital man!'
+
+'Well!' said Wolf, folding his arms and resuming a conversation which
+the arrival of Jonas had interrupted. 'And what did Lord Nobley say to
+that?'
+
+'Why,' returned Pip, with an oath. 'He didn't know what to say. Same,
+sir, if he wasn't as mute as a poker. But you know what a good fellow
+Nobley is!'
+
+'The best fellow in the world!' cried Wolf. 'It as only last week that
+Nobley said to me, "By Gad, Wolf, I've got a living to bestow, and if
+you had but been brought up at the University, strike me blind if I
+wouldn't have made a parson of you!"'
+
+'Just like him,' said Pip with another oath. 'And he'd have done it!'
+
+'Not a doubt of it,' said Wolf. 'But you were going to tell us--'
+
+'Oh, yes!' cried Pip. 'To be sure. So I was. At first he was dumb--sewn
+up, dead, sir--but after a minute he said to the Duke, "Here's Pip.
+Ask Pip. Pip's our mutual friend. Ask Pip. He knows." "Damme!" said the
+Duke, "I appeal to Pip then. Come, Pip. Bandy or not bandy? Speak out!"
+"Bandy, your Grace, by the Lord Harry!" said I. "Ha, ha!" laughed the
+Duke. "To be sure she is. Bravo, Pip. Well said Pip. I wish I may die
+if you're not a trump, Pip. Pop me down among your fashionable visitors
+whenever I'm in town, Pip." And so I do, to this day.'
+
+The conclusion of this story gave immense satisfaction, which was in
+no degree lessened by the announcement of dinner. Jonas repaired to the
+dining room, along with his distinguished host, and took his seat at the
+board between that individual and his friend the doctor. The rest fell
+into their places like men who were well accustomed to the house; and
+dinner was done full justice to, by all parties.
+
+It was a good a one as money (or credit, no matter which) could produce.
+The dishes, wines, and fruits were of the choicest kind. Everything was
+elegantly served. The plate was gorgeous. Mr Jonas was in the midst of
+a calculation of the value of this item alone, when his host disturbed
+him.
+
+'A glass of wine?'
+
+'Oh!' said Jonas, who had had several glasses already. 'As much of that
+as you like! It's too good to refuse.'
+
+'Well said, Mr Chuzzlewit!' cried Wolf.
+
+'Tom Gag, upon my soul!' said Pip.
+
+'Positively, you know, that's--ha, ha, ha!' observed the doctor, laying
+down his knife and fork for one instant, and then going to work again,
+pell-mell--'that's epigrammatic; quite!'
+
+'You're tolerably comfortable, I hope?' said Tigg, apart to Jonas.
+
+'Oh! You needn't trouble your head about ME,' he replied, 'Famous!'
+
+'I thought it best not to have a party,' said Tigg. 'You feel that?'
+
+'Why, what do you call this?' retorted Jonas. 'You don't mean to say you
+do this every day, do you?'
+
+'My dear fellow,' said Montague, shrugging his shoulders, 'every day of
+my life, when I dine at home. This is my common style. It was of no use
+having anything uncommon for you. You'd have seen through it. "You'll
+have a party?" said Crimple. "No, I won't," I said, "he shall take us in
+the rough!"
+
+'And pretty smooth, too, ecod!' said Jonas, glancing round the table.
+'This don't cost a trifle.'
+
+'Why, to be candid with you, it does not,' returned the other. 'But I
+like this sort of thing. It's the way I spend my money.'
+
+Jonas thrust his tongue into his cheek, and said, 'Was it?'
+
+'When you join us, you won't get rid of your share of the profits in the
+same way?' said Tigg.
+
+'Quite different,' retorted Jonas.
+
+'Well, and you're right,' said Tigg, with friendly candour. 'You
+needn't. It's not necessary. One of a Company must do it to hold
+the connection together; but, as I take a pleasure in it, that's my
+department. You don't mind dining expensively at another man's expense,
+I hope?'
+
+'Not a bit,' said Jonas.
+
+'Then I hope you'll often dine with me?'
+
+'Ah!' said Jonas, 'I don't mind. On the contrary.'
+
+'And I'll never attempt to talk business to you over wine, I take my
+oath,' said Tigg. 'Oh deep, deep, deep of you this morning! I must tell
+'em that. They're the very men to enjoy it. Pip, my good fellow, I've
+a splendid little trait to tell you of my friend Chuzzlewit who is
+the deepest dog I know; I give you my sacred word of honour he is the
+deepest dog I know, Pip!'
+
+Pip swore a frightful oath that he was sure of it already; and
+the anecdote, being told, was received with loud applause, as an
+incontestable proof of Mr Jonas's greatness. Pip, in a natural spirit of
+emulation, then related some instances of his own depth; and Wolf not
+to be left behind-hand, recited the leading points of one or two vastly
+humorous articles he was then preparing. These lucubrations being of
+what he called 'a warm complexion,' were highly approved; and all the
+company agreed that they were full of point.
+
+'Men of the world, my dear sir,' Jobling whispered to Jonas; 'thorough
+men of the world! To a professional person like myself it's
+quite refreshing to come into this kind of society. It's not only
+agreeable--and nothing CAN be more agreeable--but it's philosophically
+improving. It's character, my dear sir; character!'
+
+It is so pleasant to find real merit appreciated, whatever its
+particular walk in life may be, that the general harmony of the company
+was doubtless much promoted by their knowing that the two men of the
+world were held in great esteem by the upper classes of society, and
+by the gallant defenders of their country in the army and navy, but
+particularly the former. The least of their stories had a colonel in it;
+lords were as plentiful as oaths; and even the Blood Royal ran in the
+muddy channel of their personal recollections.
+
+'Mr Chuzzlewit didn't know him, I'm afraid,' said Wolf, in reference to
+a certain personage of illustrious descent, who had previously figured
+in a reminiscence.
+
+'No,' said Tigg. 'But we must bring him into contact with this sort of
+fellows.'
+
+'He was very fond of literature,' observed Wolf.
+
+'Was he?' said Tigg.
+
+'Oh, yes; he took my paper regularly for many years. Do you know he
+said some good things now and then? He asked a certain Viscount, who's
+a friend of mine--Pip knows him--"What's the editor's name, what's the
+editor's name?" "Wolf." "Wolf, eh? Sharp biter, Wolf. We must keep the
+Wolf from the door, as the proverb says." It was very well. And being
+complimentary, I printed it.'
+
+'But the Viscount's the boy!' cried Pip, who invented a new oath for
+the introduction of everything he said. 'The Viscount's the boy! He came
+into our place one night to take Her home; rather slued, but not much;
+and said, "Where's Pip? I want to see Pip. Produce Pip!"--"What's the
+row, my lord?"--"Shakspeare's an infernal humbug, Pip! What's the good
+of Shakspeare, Pip? I never read him. What the devil is it all about,
+Pip? There's a lot of feet in Shakspeare's verse, but there an't any
+legs worth mentioning in Shakspeare's plays, are there, Pip? Juliet,
+Desdemona, Lady Macbeth, and all the rest of 'em, whatever their names
+are, might as well have no legs at all, for anything the audience know
+about it, Pip. Why, in that respect they're all Miss Biffins to the
+audience, Pip. I'll tell you what it is. What the people call dramatic
+poetry is a collection of sermons. Do I go to the theatre to be
+lectured? No, Pip. If I wanted that, I'd go to church. What's the
+legitimate object of the drama, Pip? Human nature. What are legs? Human
+nature. Then let us have plenty of leg pieces, Pip, and I'll stand by
+you, my buck!" and I am proud to say,' added Pip, 'that he DID stand by
+me, handsomely.'
+
+The conversation now becoming general, Mr Jonas's opinion was requested
+on this subject; and as it was in full accordance with the sentiments of
+Mr Pip, that gentleman was extremely gratified. Indeed, both himself and
+Wolf had so much in common with Jonas, that they became very amicable;
+and between their increasing friendship and the fumes of wine, Jonas
+grew talkative.
+
+It does not follow in the case of such a person that the more talkative
+he becomes, the more agreeable he is; on the contrary, his merits show
+to most advantage, perhaps, in silence. Having no means, as he thought,
+of putting himself on an equality with the rest, but by the assertion
+of that depth and sharpness on which he had been complimented, Jonas
+exhibited that faculty to the utmost; and was so deep and sharp that
+he lost himself in his own profundity, and cut his fingers with his own
+edge-tools.
+
+It was especially in his way and character to exhibit his quality at his
+entertainer's expense; and while he drank of his sparkling wines, and
+partook of his monstrous profusion, to ridicule the extravagance which
+had set such costly fare before him. Even at such a wanton board, and in
+such more than doubtful company, this might have proved a disagreeable
+experiment, but that Tigg and Crimple, studying to understand their man
+thoroughly, gave him what license he chose: knowing that the more
+he took, the better for their purpose. And thus while the blundering
+cheat--gull that he was, for all his cunning--thought himself rolled
+up hedgehog fashion, with his sharpest points towards them, he was,
+in fact, betraying all his vulnerable parts to their unwinking
+watchfulness.
+
+Whether the two gentlemen who contributed so much to the doctor's
+philosophical knowledge (by the way, the doctor slipped off quietly,
+after swallowing his usual amount of wine) had had their cue distinctly
+from the host, or took it from what they saw and heard, they acted
+their parts very well. They solicited the honour of Jonas's better
+acquaintance; trusted that they would have the pleasure of introducing
+him into that elevated society in which he was so well qualified to
+shine; and informed him, in the most friendly manner that the advantages
+of their respective establishments were entirely at his control. In a
+word, they said 'Be one of us!' And Jonas said he was infinitely obliged
+to them, and he would be; adding within himself, that so long as they
+'stood treat,' there was nothing he would like better.
+
+After coffee, which was served in the drawing-room, there was a short
+interval (mainly sustained by Pip and Wolf) of conversation; rather
+highly spiced and strongly seasoned. When it flagged, Jonas took it up
+and showed considerable humour in appraising the furniture; inquiring
+whether such an article was paid for; what it had originally cost, and
+the like. In all of this, he was, as he considered, desperately hard on
+Montague, and very demonstrative of his own brilliant parts.
+
+Some Champagne Punch gave a new though temporary fillip to the
+entertainments of the evening. For after leading to some noisy
+proceedings, which were not intelligible, it ended in the unsteady
+departure of the two gentlemen of the world, and the slumber of Mr Jonas
+upon one of the sofas.
+
+As he could not be made to understand where he was, Mr Bailey received
+orders to call a hackney-coach, and take him home; which that young
+gentleman roused himself from an uneasy sleep in the hall to do. It
+being now almost three o'clock in the morning.
+
+'Is he hooked, do you think?' whispered Crimple, as himself and partner
+stood in a distant part of the room observing him as he lay.
+
+'Aye!' said Tigg, in the same tone. 'With a strong iron, perhaps. Has
+Nadgett been here to-night?'
+
+'Yes. I went out to him. Hearing you had company, he went away.'
+
+'Why did he do that?'
+
+'He said he would come back early in the morning, before you were out of
+bed.'
+
+'Tell them to be sure and send him up to my bedside. Hush! Here's the
+boy! Now Mr Bailey, take this gentleman home, and see him safely in.
+Hallo, here! Why Chuzzlewit, halloa!'
+
+They got him upright with some difficulty, and assisted him downstairs,
+where they put his hat upon his head, and tumbled him into the coach.
+Mr Bailey, having shut him in, mounted the box beside the coachman, and
+smoked his cigar with an air of particular satisfaction; the undertaking
+in which he was engaged having a free and sporting character about it,
+which was quite congenial to his taste.
+
+Arriving in due time at the house in the City, Mr Bailey jumped down,
+and expressed the lively nature of his feelings in a knock the like of
+which had probably not been heard in that quarter since the great fire
+of London. Going out into the road to observe the effect of this feat,
+he saw that a dim light, previously visible at an upper window, had been
+already removed and was travelling downstairs. To obtain a foreknowledge
+of the bearer of this taper, Mr Bailey skipped back to the door again,
+and put his eye to the keyhole.
+
+It was the merry one herself. But sadly, strangely altered! So careworn
+and dejected, so faltering and full of fear; so fallen, humbled,
+broken; that to have seen her quiet in her coffin would have been a less
+surprise.
+
+She set the light upon a bracket in the hall, and laid her hand upon her
+heart; upon her eyes; upon her burning head. Then she came on towards
+the door with such a wild and hurried step that Mr Bailey lost his
+self-possession, and still had his eye where the keyhole had been, when
+she opened it.
+
+'Aha!' said Mr Bailey, with an effort. 'There you are, are you? What's
+the matter? Ain't you well, though?'
+
+In the midst of her astonishment as she recognized him in his altered
+dress, so much of her old smile came back to her face that Bailey was
+glad. But next moment he was sorry again, for he saw tears standing in
+her poor dim eyes.
+
+'Don't be frightened,' said Bailey. 'There ain't nothing the matter.
+I've brought home Mr Chuzzlewit. He ain't ill. He's only a little
+swipey, you know.' Mr Bailey reeled in his boots, to express
+intoxication.
+
+'Have you come from Mrs Todgers's?' asked Merry, trembling.
+
+'Todgers's, bless you! No!' cried Mr Bailey. 'I haven't got nothin, to
+do with Todgers's. I cut that connection long ago. He's been a-dining
+with my governor at the west-end. Didn't you know he was a-coming to see
+us?'
+
+'No,' she said, faintly.
+
+'Oh yes! We're heavy swells too, and so I tell you. Don't you come out,
+a-catching cold in your head. I'll wake him!' Mr Bailey expressing in
+his demeanour a perfect confidence that he could carry him in with ease,
+if necessary, opened the coach door, let down the steps, and giving
+Jonas a shake, cried 'We've got home, my flower! Tumble up, then!'
+
+He was so far recovered as to be able to respond to this appeal, and
+to come stumbling out of the coach in a heap, to the great hazard of Mr
+Bailey's person. When he got upon the pavement, Mr Bailey first butted
+at him in front, and then dexterously propped him up behind; and having
+steadied him by these means, he assisted him into the house.
+
+'You go up first with the light,' said Bailey to Mr Jonas, 'and we'll
+foller. Don't tremble so. He won't hurt you. When I've had a drop too
+much, I'm full of good natur myself.'
+
+She went on before; and her husband and Bailey, by dint of tumbling
+over each other, and knocking themselves about, got at last into the
+sitting-room above stairs, where Jonas staggered into a seat.
+
+'There!' said Mr Bailey. 'He's all right now. You ain't got nothing to
+cry for, bless you! He's righter than a trivet!'
+
+The ill-favoured brute, with dress awry, and sodden face, and rumpled
+hair, sat blinking and drooping, and rolling his idiotic eyes about,
+until, becoming conscious by degrees, he recognized his wife, and shook
+his fist at her.
+
+'Ah!' cried Mr Bailey, squaring his arms with a sudden emotion. 'What,
+you're wicious, are you? Would you though! You'd better not!'
+
+'Pray, go away!' said Merry. 'Bailey, my good boy, go home. Jonas!' she
+said; timidly laying her hand upon his shoulder, and bending her head
+down over him. 'Jonas!'
+
+'Look at her!' cried Jonas, pushing her off with his extended arm. 'Look
+here! Look at her! Here's a bargain for a man!'
+
+'Dear Jonas!'
+
+'Dear Devil!' he replied, with a fierce gesture. 'You're a pretty clog
+to be tied to a man for life, you mewling, white-faced cat! Get out of
+my sight!'
+
+'I know you don't mean it, Jonas. You wouldn't say it if you were
+sober.'
+
+With affected gayety she gave Bailey a piece of money, and again
+implored him to be gone. Her entreaty was so earnest, that the boy had
+not the heart to stay there. But he stopped at the bottom of the stairs,
+and listened.
+
+'I wouldn't say it if I was sober!' retorted Jonas. 'You know better.
+Have I never said it when I was sober?'
+
+'Often, indeed!' she answered through her tears.
+
+'Hark ye!' cried Jonas, stamping his foot upon the ground. 'You made me
+bear your pretty humours once, and ecod I'll make you bear mine now. I
+always promised myself I would. I married you that I might. I'll know
+who's master, and who's slave!'
+
+'Heaven knows I am obedient!' said the sobbing girl. 'Much more so than
+I ever thought to be!'
+
+Jonas laughed in his drunken exultation. 'What! you're finding it out,
+are you! Patience, and you will in time! Griffins have claws, my girl.
+There's not a pretty slight you ever put upon me, nor a pretty trick you
+ever played me, nor a pretty insolence you ever showed me, that I won't
+pay back a hundred-fold. What else did I marry you for? YOU, too!' he
+said, with coarse contempt.
+
+It might have softened him--indeed it might--to hear her turn a little
+fragment of a song he used to say he liked; trying, with a heart so
+full, to win him back.
+
+'Oho!' he said, 'you're deaf, are you? You don't hear me, eh? So much
+the better for you. I hate you. I hate myself, for having, been fool
+enough to strap a pack upon my back for the pleasure of treading on it
+whenever I choose. Why, things have opened to me, now, so that I might
+marry almost where I liked. But I wouldn't; I'd keep single. I ought to
+be single, among the friends I know. Instead of that, here I am, tied
+like a log to you. Pah! Why do you show your pale face when I come home?
+Am I never to forget you?'
+
+'How late it is!' she said cheerfully, opening the shutter after an
+interval of silence. 'Broad day, Jonas!'
+
+'Broad day or black night, what do I care!' was the kind rejoinder.
+
+'The night passed quickly, too. I don't mind sitting up, at all.'
+
+'Sit up for me again, if you dare!' growled Jonas.
+
+'I was reading,' she proceeded, 'all night long. I began when you went
+out, and read till you came home again. The strangest story, Jonas! And
+true, the book says. I'll tell it you to-morrow.'
+
+'True, was it?' said Jonas, doggedly.
+
+'So the book says.'
+
+'Was there anything in it, about a man's being determined to conquer his
+wife, break her spirit, bend her temper, crush all her humours like so
+many nut-shells--kill her, for aught I know?' said Jonas.
+
+'No. Not a word,' she answered quickly.
+
+'Oh!' he returned. 'That'll be a true story though, before long; for all
+the book says nothing about it. It's a lying book, I see. A fit book for
+a lying reader. But you're deaf. I forgot that.'
+
+There was another interval of silence; and the boy was stealing away,
+when he heard her footstep on the floor, and stopped. She went up to
+him, as it seemed, and spoke lovingly; saying that she would defer to
+him in everything and would consult his wishes and obey them, and they
+might be very happy if he would be gentle with her. He answered with an
+imprecation, and--
+
+Not with a blow? Yes. Stern truth against the base-souled villain; with
+a blow.
+
+No angry cries; no loud reproaches. Even her weeping and her sobs were
+stifled by her clinging round him. She only said, repeating it in agony
+of heart, how could he, could he, could he--and lost utterance in tears.
+
+Oh woman, God beloved in old Jerusalem! The best among us need deal
+lightly with thy faults, if only for the punishment thy nature will
+endure, in bearing heavy evidence against us, on the Day of Judgment!
+
+
+
+CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
+
+IN WHICH SOME PEOPLE ARE PRECOCIOUS, OTHERS PROFESSIONAL, AND OTHERS
+MYSTERIOUS; ALL IN THEIR SEVERAL WAYS
+
+
+It may have been the restless remembrance of what he had seen and heard
+overnight, or it may have been no deeper mental operation than the
+discovery that he had nothing to do, which caused Mr Bailey, on the
+following afternoon, to feel particularly disposed for agreeable
+society, and prompted him to pay a visit to his friend Poll Sweedlepipe.
+
+On the little bell giving clamorous notice of a visitor's approach (for
+Mr Bailey came in at the door with a lunge, to get as much sound out of
+the bell as possible), Poll Sweedlepipe desisted from the contemplation
+of a favourite owl, and gave his young friend hearty welcome.
+
+'Why, you look smarter by day,' said Poll, 'than you do by candle-light.
+I never see such a tight young dasher.'
+
+'Reether so, Polly. How's our fair friend, Sairah?'
+
+'Oh, she's pretty well,' said Poll. 'She's at home.'
+
+'There's the remains of a fine woman about Sairah, Poll,' observed Mr
+Bailey, with genteel indifference.
+
+'Oh!' thought Poll, 'he's old. He must be very old!'
+
+'Too much crumb, you know,' said Mr Bailey; 'too fat, Poll. But there's
+many worse at her time of life.'
+
+'The very owl's a-opening his eyes!' thought Poll. 'I don't wonder at it
+in a bird of his opinions.'
+
+He happened to have been sharpening his razors, which were lying open
+in a row, while a huge strop dangled from the wall. Glancing at these
+preparations, Mr Bailey stroked his chin, and a thought appeared to
+occur to him.
+
+'Poll,' he said, 'I ain't as neat as I could wish about the gills. Being
+here, I may as well have a shave, and get trimmed close.'
+
+The barber stood aghast; but Mr Bailey divested himself of his
+neck-cloth, and sat down in the easy shaving chair with all the dignity
+and confidence in life. There was no resisting his manner. The evidence
+of sight and touch became as nothing. His chin was as smooth as a
+new-laid egg or a scraped Dutch cheese; but Poll Sweedlepipe wouldn't
+have ventured to deny, on affidavit, that he had the beard of a Jewish
+rabbi.
+
+'Go WITH the grain, Poll, all round, please,' said Mr Bailey, screwing
+up his face for the reception of the lather. 'You may do wot you like
+with the bits of whisker. I don't care for 'em.'
+
+The meek little barber stood gazing at him with the brush and soap-dish
+in his hand, stirring them round and round in a ludicrous uncertainty,
+as if he were disabled by some fascination from beginning. At last he
+made a dash at Mr Bailey's cheek. Then he stopped again, as if the
+ghost of a beard had suddenly receded from his touch; but receiving mild
+encouragement from Mr Bailey, in the form of an adjuration to 'Go in and
+win,' he lathered him bountifully. Mr Bailey smiled through the suds in
+his satisfaction. 'Gently over the stones, Poll. Go a tip-toe over the
+pimples!'
+
+Poll Sweedlepipe obeyed, and scraped the lather off again with
+particular care. Mr Bailey squinted at every successive dab, as it
+was deposited on a cloth on his left shoulder, and seemed, with a
+microscopic eye, to detect some bristles in it; for he murmured more
+than once 'Reether redder than I could wish, Poll.' The operation being
+concluded, Poll fell back and stared at him again, while Mr Bailey,
+wiping his face on the jack-towel, remarked, 'that arter late hours
+nothing freshened up a man so much as a easy shave.'
+
+He was in the act of tying his cravat at the glass, without his coat,
+and Poll had wiped his razor, ready for the next customer, when Mrs
+Gamp, coming downstairs, looked in at the shop-door to give the barber
+neighbourly good day. Feeling for her unfortunate situation, in having
+conceived a regard for himself which it was not in the nature of things
+that he could return, Mr Bailey hastened to soothe her with words of
+kindness.
+
+'Hallo!' he said, 'Sairah! I needn't ask you how you've been this long
+time, for you're in full bloom. All a-blowin and a-growin; ain't she,
+Polly?'
+
+'Why, drat the Bragian boldness of that boy!' cried Mrs Gamp, though
+not displeased. 'What a imperent young sparrow it is! I wouldn't be that
+creetur's mother not for fifty pound!'
+
+Mr Bailey regarded this as a delicate confession of her attachment,
+and a hint that no pecuniary gain could recompense her for its being
+rendered hopeless. He felt flattered. Disinterested affection is always
+flattering.
+
+'Ah, dear!' moaned Mrs Gamp, sinking into the shaving chair, 'that there
+blessed Bull, Mr Sweedlepipe, has done his wery best to conker me. Of
+all the trying inwalieges in this walley of the shadder, that one beats
+'em black and blue.'
+
+It was the practice of Mrs Gamp and her friends in the profession, to
+say this of all the easy customers; as having at once the effect of
+discouraging competitors for office, and accounting for the necessity of
+high living on the part of the nurses.
+
+'Talk of constitooshun!' Mrs Gamp observed. 'A person's constitooshun
+need be made of bricks to stand it. Mrs Harris jestly says to me, but
+t'other day, "Oh! Sairey Gamp," she says, "how is it done?" "Mrs Harris,
+ma'am," I says to her, "we gives no trust ourselves, and puts a deal
+o'trust elsevere; these is our religious feelins, and we finds 'em
+answer." "Sairey," says Mrs Harris, "sech is life. Vich likeways is the
+hend of all things!"'
+
+The barber gave a soft murmur, as much as to say that Mrs Harris's
+remark, though perhaps not quite so intelligible as could be desired
+from such an authority, did equal honour to her head and to her heart.
+
+'And here,' continued Mrs Gamp, 'and here am I a-goin twenty mile in
+distant, on as wentersome a chance as ever any one as monthlied ever
+run, I do believe. Says Mrs Harris, with a woman's and a mother's
+art a-beatin in her human breast, she says to me, "You're not a-goin,
+Sairey, Lord forgive you!" "Why am I not a-goin, Mrs Harris?" I replies.
+"Mrs Gill," I says, "wos never wrong with six; and is it likely,
+ma'am--I ast you as a mother--that she will begin to be unreg'lar now?
+Often and often have I heerd him say," I says to Mrs Harris, meaning Mr
+Gill, "that he would back his wife agen Moore's almanack, to name the
+very day and hour, for ninepence farden. IS it likely, ma'am," I says,
+"as she will fail this once?" Says Mrs Harris "No, ma'am, not in the
+course of natur. But," she says, the tears a-fillin in her eyes, "you
+knows much betterer than me, with your experienge, how little puts us
+out. A Punch's show," she says, "a chimbley sweep, a newfundlan dog, or
+a drunkin man a-comin round the corner sharp may do it." So it may, Mr
+Sweedlepipes,' said Mrs Gamp, 'there's no deniging of it; and though my
+books is clear for a full week, I takes a anxious art along with me, I
+do assure you, sir.'
+
+'You're so full of zeal, you see!' said Poll. 'You worrit yourself so.'
+
+'Worrit myself!' cried Mrs Gamp, raising her hands and turning up her
+eyes. 'You speak truth in that, sir, if you never speaks no more 'twixt
+this and when two Sundays jines together. I feels the sufferins of other
+people more than I feels my own, though no one mayn't suppoge it. The
+families I've had,' said Mrs Gamp, 'if all was knowd and credit done
+where credit's doo, would take a week to chris'en at Saint Polge's
+fontin!'
+
+'Where's the patient goin?' asked Sweedlepipe.
+
+'Into Har'fordshire, which is his native air. But native airs nor native
+graces neither,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'won't bring HIM round.'
+
+'So bad as that?' inquired the wistful barber. 'Indeed!'
+
+Mrs Gamp shook her head mysteriously, and pursed up her lips. 'There's
+fevers of the mind,' she said, 'as well as body. You may take your slime
+drafts till you flies into the air with efferwescence; but you won't
+cure that.'
+
+'Ah!' said the barber, opening his eyes, and putting on his raven
+aspect; 'Lor!'
+
+'No. You may make yourself as light as any gash balloon,' said Mrs Gamp.
+'But talk, when you're wrong in your head and when you're in your sleep,
+of certain things; and you'll be heavy in your mind.'
+
+'Of what kind of things now?' inquired Poll, greedily biting his nails
+in his great interest. 'Ghosts?'
+
+Mrs Gamp, who perhaps had been already tempted further than she had
+intended to go, by the barber's stimulating curiosity, gave a sniff of
+uncommon significance, and said, it didn't signify.
+
+'I'm a-goin down with my patient in the coach this arternoon,' she
+proceeded. 'I'm a-goin to stop with him a day or so, till he gets a
+country nuss (drat them country nusses, much the orkard hussies knows
+about their bis'ness); and then I'm a-comin back; and that's my trouble,
+Mr Sweedlepipes. But I hope that everythink'll only go on right and
+comfortable as long as I'm away; perwisin which, as Mrs Harris says, Mrs
+Gill is welcome to choose her own time; all times of the day and night
+bein' equally the same to me.'
+
+During the progress of the foregoing remarks, which Mrs Gamp had
+addressed exclusively to the barber, Mr Bailey had been tying his
+cravat, getting on his coat, and making hideous faces at himself in the
+glass. Being now personally addressed by Mrs Gamp, he turned round, and
+mingled in the conversation.
+
+'You ain't been in the City, I suppose, sir, since we was all three
+there together,' said Mrs Gamp, 'at Mr Chuzzlewit's?'
+
+'Yes, I have, Sairah. I was there last night.'
+
+'Last night!' cried the barber.
+
+'Yes, Poll, reether so. You can call it this morning, if you like to be
+particular. He dined with us.'
+
+'Who does that young Limb mean by "hus?"' said Mrs Gamp, with most
+impatient emphasis.
+
+'Me and my Governor, Sairah. He dined at our house. We wos very merry,
+Sairah. So much so, that I was obliged to see him home in a hackney
+coach at three o'clock in the morning.' It was on the tip of the boy's
+tongue to relate what had followed; but remembering how easily it might
+be carried to his master's ears, and the repeated cautions he had had
+from Mr Crimple 'not to chatter,' he checked himself; adding, only, 'She
+was sitting up, expecting him.'
+
+'And all things considered,' said Mrs Gamp sharply, 'she might have
+know'd better than to go a-tirin herself out, by doin' anythink of the
+sort. Did they seem pretty pleasant together, sir?'
+
+'Oh, yes,' answered Bailey, 'pleasant enough.'
+
+'I'm glad on it,' said Mrs Gamp, with a second sniff of significance.
+
+'They haven't been married so long,' observed Poll, rubbing his hands,
+'that they need be anything but pleasant yet awhile.'
+
+'No,' said Mrs Gamp, with a third significant signal.
+
+'Especially,' pursued the barber, 'when the gentleman bears such a
+character as you gave him.'
+
+'I speak; as I find, Mr Sweedlepipes,' said Mrs Gamp. 'Forbid it should
+be otherways! But we never knows wot's hidden in each other's hearts;
+and if we had glass winders there, we'd need keep the shetters up, some
+on us, I do assure you!'
+
+'But you don't mean to say--' Poll Sweedlepipe began.
+
+'No,' said Mrs Gamp, cutting him very short, 'I don't. Don't think I do.
+The torters of the Imposition shouldn't make me own I did. All I says
+is,' added the good woman, rising and folding her shawl about her, 'that
+the Bull's a-waitin, and the precious moments is a-flyin' fast.'
+
+The little barber having in his eager curiosity a great desire to see
+Mrs Gamp's patient, proposed to Mr Bailey that they should accompany
+her to the Bull, and witness the departure of the coach. That young
+gentleman assenting, they all went out together.
+
+Arriving at the tavern, Mrs Gamp (who was full-dressed for the journey,
+in her latest suit of mourning) left her friends to entertain
+themselves in the yard, while she ascended to the sick room, where her
+fellow-labourer Mrs Prig was dressing the invalid.
+
+He was so wasted, that it seemed as if his bones would rattle when they
+moved him. His cheeks were sunken, and his eyes unnaturally large. He
+lay back in the easy-chair like one more dead than living; and rolled
+his languid eyes towards the door when Mrs Gamp appeared, as painfully
+as if their weight alone were burdensome to move.
+
+'And how are we by this time?' Mrs Gamp observed. 'We looks charming.'
+
+'We looks a deal charminger than we are, then,' returned Mrs Prig, a
+little chafed in her temper. 'We got out of bed back'ards, I think, for
+we're as cross as two sticks. I never see sich a man. He wouldn't have
+been washed, if he'd had his own way.'
+
+'She put the soap in my mouth,' said the unfortunate patient feebly.
+
+'Couldn't you keep it shut then?' retorted Mrs Prig. 'Who do you think's
+to wash one feater, and miss another, and wear one's eyes out with all
+manner of fine work of that description, for half-a-crown a day! If you
+wants to be tittivated, you must pay accordin'.'
+
+'Oh dear me!' cried the patient, 'oh dear, dear!'
+
+'There!' said Mrs Prig, 'that's the way he's been a-conductin of
+himself, Sarah, ever since I got him out of bed, if you'll believe it.'
+
+'Instead of being grateful,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'for all our little
+ways. Oh, fie for shame, sir, fie for shame!'
+
+Here Mrs Prig seized the patient by the chin, and began to rasp his
+unhappy head with a hair-brush.
+
+'I suppose you don't like that, neither!' she observed, stopping to look
+at him.
+
+It was just possible that he didn't for the brush was a specimen of
+the hardest kind of instrument producible by modern art; and his very
+eyelids were red with the friction. Mrs Prig was gratified to observe
+the correctness of her supposition, and said triumphantly 'she know'd as
+much.'
+
+When his hair was smoothed down comfortably into his eyes, Mrs Prig and
+Mrs Gamp put on his neckerchief; adjusting his shirt collar with great
+nicety, so that the starched points should also invade those organs, and
+afflict them with an artificial ophthalmia. His waistcoat and coat
+were next arranged; and as every button was wrenched into a wrong
+button-hole, and the order of his boots was reversed, he presented on
+the whole rather a melancholy appearance.
+
+'I don't think it's right,' said the poor weak invalid. 'I feel as if I
+was in somebody else's clothes. I'm all on one side; and you've made one
+of my legs shorter than the other. There's a bottle in my pocket too.
+What do you make me sit upon a bottle for?'
+
+'Deuce take the man!' cried Mrs Gamp, drawing it forth. 'If he ain't
+been and got my night-bottle here. I made a little cupboard of his coat
+when it hung behind the door, and quite forgot it, Betsey. You'll find a
+ingun or two, and a little tea and sugar in his t'other pocket, my dear,
+if you'll just be good enough to take 'em out.'
+
+Betsey produced the property in question, together with some other
+articles of general chandlery; and Mrs Gamp transferred them to her own
+pocket, which was a species of nankeen pannier. Refreshment then arrived
+in the form of chops and strong ale for the ladies, and a basin of
+beef-tea for the patient; which refection was barely at an end when John
+Westlock appeared.
+
+'Up and dressed!' cried John, sitting down beside him. 'That's brave.
+How do you feel?'
+
+'Much better. But very weak.'
+
+'No wonder. You have had a hard bout of it. But country air, and change
+of scene,' said John, 'will make another man of you! Why, Mrs Gamp,'
+he added, laughing, as he kindly arranged the sick man's garments, 'you
+have odd notions of a gentleman's dress!'
+
+'Mr Lewsome an't a easy gent to get into his clothes, sir,' Mrs Gamp
+replied with dignity; 'as me and Betsey Prig can certify afore the Lord
+Mayor and Uncommon Counsellors, if needful!'
+
+John at that moment was standing close in front of the sick man, in the
+act of releasing him from the torture of the collars before mentioned,
+when he said in a whisper:
+
+'Mr Westlock! I don't wish to be overheard. I have something very
+particular and strange to say to you; something that has been a dreadful
+weight on my mind, through this long illness.'
+
+Quick in all his motions, John was turning round to desire the women to
+leave the room; when the sick man held him by the sleeve.
+
+'Not now. I've not the strength. I've not the courage. May I tell it
+when I have? May I write it, if I find that easier and better?'
+
+'May you!' cried John. 'Why, Lewsome, what is this!'
+
+'Don't ask me what it is. It's unnatural and cruel. Frightful to think
+of. Frightful to tell. Frightful to know. Frightful to have helped in.
+Let me kiss your hand for all your goodness to me. Be kinder still, and
+don't ask me what it is!'
+
+At first, John gazed at him in great surprise; but remembering how very
+much reduced he was, and how recently his brain had been on fire with
+fever, believed that he was labouring under some imaginary horror or
+despondent fancy. For farther information on this point, he took an
+opportunity of drawing Mrs Gamp aside, while Betsey Prig was wrapping
+him in cloaks and shawls, and asked her whether he was quite collected
+in his mind.
+
+'Oh bless you, no!' said Mrs Gamp. 'He hates his nusses to this hour.
+They always does it, sir. It's a certain sign. If you could have heerd
+the poor dear soul a-findin fault with me and Betsey Prig, not half an
+hour ago, you would have wondered how it is we don't get fretted to the
+tomb.'
+
+This almost confirmed John in his suspicion; so, not taking what had
+passed into any serious account, he resumed his former cheerful manner,
+and assisted by Mrs Gamp and Betsey Prig, conducted Lewsome downstairs
+to the coach; just then upon the point of starting. Poll Sweedlepipe
+was at the door with his arms tight folded and his eyes wide open, and
+looked on with absorbing interest, while the sick man was slowly
+moved into the vehicle. His bony hands and haggard face impressed Poll
+wonderfully; and he informed Mr Bailey in confidence, that he wouldn't
+have missed seeing him for a pound. Mr Bailey, who was of a different
+constitution, remarked that he would have stayed away for five
+shillings.
+
+It was a troublesome matter to adjust Mrs Gamp's luggage to her
+satisfaction; for every package belonging to that lady had the
+inconvenient property of requiring to be put in a boot by itself, and
+to have no other luggage near it, on pain of actions at law for heavy
+damages against the proprietors of the coach. The umbrella with the
+circular patch was particularly hard to be got rid of, and several times
+thrust out its battered brass nozzle from improper crevices and chinks,
+to the great terror of the other passengers. Indeed, in her intense
+anxiety to find a haven of refuge for this chattel, Mrs Gamp so often
+moved it, in the course of five minutes, that it seemed not one umbrella
+but fifty. At length it was lost, or said to be; and for the next five
+minutes she was face to face with the coachman, go wherever he might,
+protesting that it should be 'made good,' though she took the question
+to the House of Commons.
+
+At last, her bundle, and her pattens, and her basket, and everything
+else, being disposed of, she took a friendly leave of Poll and Mr
+Bailey, dropped a curtsey to John Westlock, and parted as from a
+cherished member of the sisterhood with Betsey Prig.
+
+'Wishin you lots of sickness, my darlin creetur,' Mrs Gamp observed,
+'and good places. It won't be long, I hope, afore we works together, off
+and on, again, Betsey; and may our next meetin' be at a large family's,
+where they all takes it reg'lar, one from another, turn and turn about,
+and has it business-like.'
+
+'I don't care how soon it is,' said Mrs Prig; 'nor how many weeks it
+lasts.'
+
+Mrs Gamp with a reply in a congenial spirit was backing to the coach,
+when she came in contact with a lady and gentleman who were passing
+along the footway.
+
+'Take care, take care here!' cried the gentleman. 'Halloo! My dear! Why,
+it's Mrs Gamp!'
+
+'What, Mr Mould!' exclaimed the nurse. 'And Mrs Mould! who would have
+thought as we should ever have a meetin' here, I'm sure!'
+
+'Going out of town, Mrs Gamp?' cried Mould. 'That's unusual, isn't it?'
+
+'It IS unusual, sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'But only for a day or two at most.
+The gent,' she whispered, 'as I spoke about.'
+
+'What, in the coach!' cried Mould. 'The one you thought of recommending?
+Very odd. My dear, this will interest you. The gentleman that Mrs Gamp
+thought likely to suit us is in the coach, my love.'
+
+Mrs Mould was greatly interested.
+
+'Here, my dear. You can stand upon the door-step,' said Mould, 'and take
+a look at him. Ha! There he is. Where's my glass? Oh! all right. I've
+got it. Do you see him, my dear?'
+
+'Quite plain,' said Mrs Mould.
+
+'Upon my life, you know, this is a very singular circumstance,' said
+Mould, quite delighted. 'This is the sort of thing, my dear, I wouldn't
+have missed on any account. It tickles one. It's interesting. It's
+almost a little play, you know. Ah! There he is! To be sure. Looks
+poorly, Mrs M., don't he?'
+
+Mrs Mould assented.
+
+'He's coming our way, perhaps, after all,' said Mould. 'Who knows! I
+feel as if I ought to show him some little attention, really. He don't
+seem a stranger to me. I'm very much inclined to move my hat, my dear.'
+
+'He's looking hard this way,' said Mrs Mould.
+
+'Then I will!' cried Mould. 'How d'ye do, sir! I wish you good day. Ha!
+He bows too. Very gentlemanly. Mrs Gamp has the cards in her pocket, I
+have no doubt. This is very singular, my dear--and very pleasant. I am
+not superstitious, but it really seems as if one was destined to pay him
+those little melancholy civilities which belong to our peculiar line of
+business. There can be no kind of objection to your kissing your hand to
+him, my dear.'
+
+Mrs Mould did so.
+
+'Ha!' said Mould. 'He's evidently gratified. Poor fellow! I am quite
+glad you did it, my love. Bye bye, Mrs Gamp!' waving his hand. 'There he
+goes; there he goes!'
+
+So he did; for the coach rolled off as the words were spoken. Mr and Mrs
+Mould, in high good humour, went their merry way. Mr Bailey retired
+with Poll Sweedlepipe as soon as possible; but some little time
+elapsed before he could remove his friend from the ground, owing to
+the impression wrought upon the barber's nerves by Mrs Prig, whom he
+pronounced, in admiration of her beard, to be a woman of transcendent
+charms.
+
+When the light cloud of bustle hanging round the coach was thus
+dispersed, Nadgett was seen in the darkest box of the Bull coffee-room,
+looking wistfully up at the clock--as if the man who never appeared were
+a little behind his time.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY
+
+PROVES THAT CHANGES MAY BE RUNG IN THE BEST-REGULATED FAMILIES, AND THAT
+MR PECKNIFF WAS A SPECIAL HAND AT A TRIPLE-BOB-MAJOR
+
+
+As the surgeon's first care after amputating a limb, is to take up the
+arteries the cruel knife has severed, so it is the duty of this history,
+which in its remorseless course has cut from the Pecksniffian trunk its
+right arm, Mercy, to look to the parent stem, and see how in all its
+various ramifications it got on without her.
+
+And first of Mr Pecksniff it may be observed, that having provided for
+his youngest daughter that choicest of blessings, a tender and indulgent
+husband; and having gratified the dearest wish of his parental heart by
+establishing her in life so happily; he renewed his youth, and spreading
+the plumage of his own bright conscience, felt himself equal to all
+kinds of flights. It is customary with fathers in stage-plays, after
+giving their daughters to the men of their hearts, to congratulate
+themselves on having no other business on their hands but to die
+immediately; though it is rarely found that they are in a hurry to do
+it. Mr Pecksniff, being a father of a more sage and practical class,
+appeared to think that his immediate business was to live; and having
+deprived himself of one comfort, to surround himself with others.
+
+But however much inclined the good man was to be jocose and playful, and
+in the garden of his fancy to disport himself (if one may say so) like
+an architectural kitten, he had one impediment constantly opposed to
+him. The gentle Cherry, stung by a sense of slight and injury, which
+far from softening down or wearing out, rankled and festered in her
+heart--the gentle Cherry was in flat rebellion. She waged fierce war
+against her dear papa, she led her parent what is usually called, for
+want of a better figure of speech, the life of a dog. But never did that
+dog live, in kennel, stable-yard, or house, whose life was half as hard
+as Mr Pecksniff's with his gentle child.
+
+The father and daughter were sitting at their breakfast. Tom had
+retired, and they were alone. Mr Pecksniff frowned at first; but having
+cleared his brow, looked stealthily at his child. Her nose was very red
+indeed, and screwed up tight, with hostile preparation.
+
+'Cherry,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'what is amiss between us? My child, why
+are we disunited?'
+
+Miss Pecksniff's answer was scarcely a response to this gush of
+affection, for it was simply, 'Bother, Pa!'
+
+'Bother!' repeated Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of anguish.
+
+'Oh! 'tis too late, Pa,' said his daughter, calmly 'to talk to me like
+this. I know what it means, and what its value is.'
+
+'This is hard!' cried Mr Pecksniff, addressing his breakfast-cup. 'This
+is very hard! She is my child. I carried her in my arms when she wore
+shapeless worsted shoes--I might say, mufflers--many years ago!'
+
+'You needn't taunt me with that, Pa,' retorted Cherry, with a spiteful
+look. 'I am not so many years older than my sister, either, though she
+IS married to your friend!'
+
+'Ah, human nature, human nature! Poor human nature!' said Mr Pecksniff,
+shaking his head at human nature, as if he didn't belong to it. 'To
+think that this discord should arise from such a cause! oh dear, oh
+dear!'
+
+'From such a cause indeed!' cried Cherry. 'State the real cause, Pa, or
+I'll state it myself. Mind! I will!'
+
+Perhaps the energy with which she said this was infectious. However that
+may be, Mr Pecksniff changed his tone and the expression of his face for
+one of anger, if not downright violence, when he said:
+
+'You will! you have. You did yesterday. You do always. You have no
+decency; you make no secret of your temper; you have exposed yourself to
+Mr Chuzzlewit a hundred times.'
+
+'Myself!' cried Cherry, with a bitter smile. 'Oh indeed! I don't mind
+that.'
+
+'Me, too, then,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+His daughter answered with a scornful laugh.
+
+'And since we have come to an explanation, Charity,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+rolling his head portentously, 'let me tell you that I won't allow it.
+None of your nonsense, Miss! I won't permit it to be done.'
+
+'I shall do,' said Charity, rocking her chair backwards and forwards,
+and raising her voice to a high pitch, 'I shall do, Pa, what I please
+and what I have done. I am not going to be crushed in everything, depend
+upon it. I've been more shamefully used than anybody ever was in
+this world,' here she began to cry and sob, 'and may expect the worse
+treatment from you, I know. But I don't care for that. No, I don't!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff was made so desperate by the loud tone in which she spoke,
+that, after looking about him in frantic uncertainty for some means of
+softening it, he rose and shook her until the ornamental bow of hair
+upon her head nodded like a plume. She was so very much astonished by
+this assault, that it really had the desired effect.
+
+'I'll do it again!' cried Mr Pecksniff, as he resumed his seat and
+fetched his breath, 'if you dare to talk in that loud manner. How do
+you mean about being shamefully used? If Mr Jonas chose your sister in
+preference to you, who could help it, I should wish to know? What have I
+to do with it?'
+
+'Wasn't I made a convenience of? Weren't my feelings trifled with?
+Didn't he address himself to me first?' sobbed Cherry, clasping her
+hands; 'and oh, good gracious, that I should live to be shook!'
+
+'You'll live to be shaken again,' returned her parent, 'if you drive
+me to that means of maintaining the decorum of this humble roof. You
+surprise me. I wonder you have not more spirit. If Mr Jonas didn't care
+for you, how could you wish to have him?'
+
+'I wish to have him!' exclaimed Cherry. 'I wish to have him, Pa!'
+
+'Then what are you making all this piece of work for,' retorted her
+father, 'if you didn't wish to have him?'
+
+'Because I was treated with duplicity,' said Cherry; 'and because my own
+sister and my own father conspired against me. I am not angry with HER,'
+said Cherry; looking much more angry than ever. 'I pity her. I'm sorry
+for her. I know the fate that's in store for her, with that Wretch.'
+
+'Mr Jonas will survive your calling him a wretch, my child, I dare say,'
+said Mr Pecksniff, with returning resignation; 'but call him what you
+like and make an end of it.'
+
+'Not an end, Pa,' said Charity. 'No, not an end. That's not the only
+point on which we're not agreed. I won't submit to it. It's better you
+should know that at once. No; I won't submit to it indeed, Pa! I am
+not quite a fool, and I am not blind. All I have got to say is, I won't
+submit to it.'
+
+Whatever she meant, she shook Mr Pecksniff now; for his lame attempt to
+seem composed was melancholy in the last degree. His anger changed to
+meekness, and his words were mild and fawning.
+
+'My dear,' he said; 'if in the short excitement of an angry moment I
+resorted to an unjustifiable means of suppressing a little outbreak
+calculated to injure you as well as myself--it's possible I may have
+done so; perhaps I did--I ask your pardon. A father asking pardon of
+his child,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is, I believe, a spectacle to soften the
+most rugged nature.'
+
+But it didn't at all soften Miss Pecksniff; perhaps because her nature
+was not rugged enough. On the contrary, she persisted in saying, over
+and over again, that she wasn't quite a fool, and wasn't blind, and
+wouldn't submit to it.
+
+'You labour under some mistake, my child!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'but
+I will not ask you what it is; I don't desire to know. No, pray!' he
+added, holding out his hand and colouring again, 'let us avoid the
+subject, my dear, whatever it is!'
+
+'It's quite right that the subject should be avoided between us,
+sir,' said Cherry. 'But I wish to be able to avoid it altogether, and
+consequently must beg you to provide me with a home.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff looked about the room, and said, 'A home, my child!'
+
+'Another home, papa,' said Cherry, with increasing stateliness 'Place me
+at Mrs Todgers's or somewhere, on an independent footing; but I will not
+live here, if such is to be the case.'
+
+It is possible that Miss Pecksniff saw in Mrs Todgers's a vision
+of enthusiastic men, pining to fall in adoration at her feet. It is
+possible that Mr Pecksniff, in his new-born juvenility, saw, in the
+suggestion of that same establishment, an easy means of relieving
+himself from an irksome charge in the way of temper and watchfulness.
+It is undoubtedly a fact that in the attentive ears of Mr Pecksniff, the
+proposition did not sound quite like the dismal knell of all his hopes.
+
+But he was a man of great feeling and acute sensibility; and he squeezed
+his pocket-handkerchief against his eyes with both hands--as such men
+always do, especially when they are observed. 'One of my birds,' Mr
+Pecksniff said, 'has left me for the stranger's breast; the other would
+take wing to Todgers's! Well, well, what am I? I don't know what I am,
+exactly. Never mind!'
+
+Even this remark, made more pathetic perhaps by his breaking down in
+the middle of it, had no effect upon Charity. She was grim, rigid, and
+inflexible.
+
+'But I have ever,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'sacrificed my children's
+happiness to my own--I mean my own happiness to my children's--and I
+will not begin to regulate my life by other rules of conduct now. If you
+can be happier at Mrs Todgers's than in your father's house, my dear, go
+to Mrs Todgers's! Do not think of me, my girl!' said Mr Pecksniff with
+emotion; 'I shall get on pretty well, no doubt.'
+
+Miss Charity, who knew he had a secret pleasure in the contemplation of
+the proposed change, suppressed her own, and went on to negotiate the
+terms. His views upon this subject were at first so very limited that
+another difference, involving possibly another shaking, threatened to
+ensue; but by degrees they came to something like an understanding, and
+the storm blew over. Indeed, Miss Charity's idea was so agreeable
+to both, that it would have been strange if they had not come to an
+amicable agreement. It was soon arranged between them that the project
+should be tried, and that immediately; and that Cherry's not being well,
+and needing change of scene, and wishing to be near her sister, should
+form the excuse for her departure to Mr Chuzzlewit and Mary, to both of
+whom she had pleaded indisposition for some time past. These premises
+agreed on, Mr Pecksniff gave her his blessing, with all the dignity of
+a self-denying man who had made a hard sacrifice, but comforted himself
+with the reflection that virtue is its own reward. Thus they were
+reconciled for the first time since that not easily forgiven night,
+when Mr Jonas, repudiating the elder, had confessed his passion for the
+younger sister, and Mr Pecksniff had abetted him on moral grounds.
+
+But how happened it--in the name of an unexpected addition to that small
+family, the Seven Wonders of the World, whatever and wherever they may
+be, how happened it--that Mr Pecksniff and his daughter were about
+to part? How happened it that their mutual relations were so greatly
+altered? Why was Miss Pecksniff so clamorous to have it understood that
+she was neither blind nor foolish, and she wouldn't bear it? It is not
+possible that Mr Pecksniff had any thoughts of marrying again; or that
+his daughter, with the sharp eye of a single woman, fathomed his design!
+
+Let us inquire into this.
+
+Mr Pecksniff, as a man without reproach, from whom the breath of slander
+passed like common breath from any other polished surface, could afford
+to do what common men could not. He knew the purity of his own motives;
+and when he had a motive worked at it as only a very good man (or a very
+bad one) can. Did he set before himself any strong and palpable motives
+for taking a second wife? Yes; and not one or two of them, but a
+combination of very many.
+
+Old Martin Chuzzlewit had gradually undergone an important change. Even
+upon the night when he made such an ill-timed arrival at Mr Pecksniff's
+house, he was comparatively subdued and easy to deal with. This Mr
+Pecksniff attributed, at the time, to the effect his brother's death had
+had upon him. But from that hour his character seemed to have modified
+by regular degrees, and to have softened down into a dull indifference
+for almost every one but Mr Pecksniff. His looks were much the same as
+ever, but his mind was singularly altered. It was not that this or that
+passion stood out in brighter or in dimmer hues; but that the colour of
+the whole man was faded. As one trait disappeared, no other trait sprung
+up to take its place. His senses dwindled too. He was less keen of
+sight; was deaf sometimes; took little notice of what passed before him;
+and would be profoundly taciturn for days together. The process of this
+alteration was so easy that almost as soon as it began to be observed
+it was complete. But Mr Pecksniff saw it first, and having Anthony
+Chuzzlewit fresh in his recollection, saw in his brother Martin the same
+process of decay.
+
+To a gentleman of Mr Pecksniff's tenderness, this was a very mournful
+sight. He could not but foresee the probability of his respected
+relative being made the victim of designing persons, and of his riches
+falling into worthless hands. It gave him so much pain that he resolved
+to secure the property to himself; to keep bad testamentary suitors at a
+distance; to wall up the old gentleman, as it were, for his own use. By
+little and little, therefore, he began to try whether Mr Chuzzlewit gave
+any promise of becoming an instrument in his hands, and finding that he
+did, and indeed that he was very supple in his plastic fingers, he made
+it the business of his life--kind soul!--to establish an ascendancy over
+him; and every little test he durst apply meeting with a success beyond
+his hopes, he began to think he heard old Martin's cash already chinking
+in his own unworldly pockets.
+
+But when Mr Pecksniff pondered on this subject (as, in his zealous
+way, he often did), and thought with an uplifted heart of the train of
+circumstances which had delivered the old gentleman into his hands for
+the confusion of evil-doers and the triumph of a righteous nature, he
+always felt that Mary Graham was his stumbling-block. Let the old man
+say what he would, Mr Pecksniff knew he had a strong affection for her.
+He knew that he showed it in a thousand little ways; that he liked to
+have her near him, and was never quite at ease when she was absent
+long. That he had ever really sworn to leave her nothing in his will, Mr
+Pecksniff greatly doubted. That even if he had, there were many ways by
+which he could evade the oath and satisfy his conscience, Mr Pecksniff
+knew. That her unprotected state was no light burden on the old man's
+mind, he also knew, for Mr Chuzzlewit had plainly told him so. 'Then,'
+said Mr Pecksniff 'what if I married her! What,' repeated Mr Pecksniff,
+sticking up his hair and glancing at his bust by Spoker; 'what
+if, making sure of his approval first--he is nearly imbecile, poor
+gentleman--I married her!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had a lively sense of the Beautiful; especially in women.
+His manner towards the sex was remarkable for its insinuating character.
+It is recorded of him in another part of these pages, that he embraced
+Mrs Todgers on the smallest provocation; and it was a way he had; it was
+a part of the gentle placidity of his disposition. Before any thought of
+matrimony was in his mind, he had bestowed on Mary many little tokens of
+his spiritual admiration. They had been indignantly received, but that
+was nothing. True, as the idea expanded within him, these had become
+too ardent to escape the piercing eye of Cherry, who read his scheme at
+once; but he had always felt the power of Mary's charms. So Interest and
+Inclination made a pair, and drew the curricle of Mr Pecksniff's plan.
+
+As to any thought of revenging himself on young Martin for his insolent
+expressions when they parted, and of shutting him out still more
+effectually from any hope of reconciliation with his grandfather, Mr
+Pecksniff was much too meek and forgiving to be suspected of harbouring
+it. As to being refused by Mary, Mr Pecksniff was quite satisfied that
+in her position she could never hold out if he and Mr Chuzzlewit were
+both against her. As to consulting the wishes of her heart in such a
+case, it formed no part of Mr Pecksniff's moral code; for he knew what a
+good man he was, and what a blessing he must be to anybody. His daughter
+having broken the ice, and the murder being out between them, Mr
+Pecksniff had now only to pursue his design as cleverly as he could, and
+by the craftiest approaches.
+
+'Well, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, meeting old Martin in the
+garden, for it was his habit to walk in and out by that way, as the
+fancy took him; 'and how is my dear friend this delicious morning?'
+
+'Do you mean me?' asked the old man.
+
+'Ah!' said Mr Pecksniff, 'one of his deaf days, I see. Could I mean any
+one else, my dear sir?'
+
+'You might have meant Mary,' said the old man.
+
+'Indeed I might. Quite true. I might speak of her as a dear, dear
+friend, I hope?' observed Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'I hope so,' returned old Martin. 'I think she deserves it.'
+
+'Think!' cried Pecksniff, 'think, Mr Chuzzlewit!'
+
+'You are speaking, I know,' returned Martin, 'but I don't catch what you
+say. Speak up!'
+
+'He's getting deafer than a flint,' said Pecksniff. 'I was saying, my
+dear sir, that I am afraid I must make up my mind to part with Cherry.'
+
+'What has SHE been doing?' asked the old man.
+
+'He puts the most ridiculous questions I ever heard!' muttered Mr
+Pecksniff. 'He's a child to-day.' After which he added, in a mild roar:
+'She hasn't been doing anything, my dear friend.'
+
+'What are you going to part with her for?' demanded Martin.
+
+'She hasn't her health by any means,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'She misses
+her sister, my dear sir; they doted on each other from the cradle. And I
+think of giving her a run in London for a change. A good long run, sir,
+if I find she likes it.'
+
+'Quite right,' cried Martin. 'It's judicious.'
+
+'I am glad to hear you say so. I hope you mean to bear me company in
+this dull part, while she's away?' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'I have no intention of removing from it,' was Martin's answer.
+
+'Then why,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking the old man's arm in his, and
+walking slowly on; 'Why, my good sir, can't you come and stay with me?
+I am sure I could surround you with more comforts--lowly as is my
+Cot--than you can obtain at a village house of entertainment. And pardon
+me, Mr Chuzzlewit, pardon me if I say that such a place as the Dragon,
+however well-conducted (and, as far as I know, Mrs Lupin is one of the
+worthiest creatures in this county), is hardly a home for Miss Graham.'
+
+Martin mused a moment; and then said, as he shook him by the hand:
+
+'No. You're quite right; it is not.'
+
+'The very sight of skittles,' Mr Pecksniff eloquently pursued, 'is far
+from being congenial to a delicate mind.'
+
+'It's an amusement of the vulgar,' said old Martin, 'certainly.'
+
+'Of the very vulgar,' Mr Pecksniff answered. 'Then why not bring Miss
+Graham here, sir? Here is the house. Here am I alone in it, for Thomas
+Pinch I do not count as any one. Our lovely friend shall occupy my
+daughter's chamber; you shall choose your own; we shall not quarrel, I
+hope!'
+
+'We are not likely to do that,' said Martin.
+
+Mr Pecksniff pressed his hand. 'We understand each other, my dear sir,
+I see!--I can wind him,' he thought, with exultation, 'round my little
+finger.'
+
+'You leave the recompense to me?' said the old man, after a minute's
+silence.
+
+'Oh! do not speak of recompense!' cried Pecksniff.
+
+'I say,' repeated Martin, with a glimmer of his old obstinacy, 'you
+leave the recompense to me. Do you?'
+
+'Since you desire it, my good sir.'
+
+'I always desire it,' said the old man. 'You know I always desire it. I
+wish to pay as I go, even when I buy of you. Not that I do not leave a
+balance to be settled one day, Pecksniff.'
+
+The architect was too much overcome to speak. He tried to drop a tear
+upon his patron's hand, but couldn't find one in his dry distillery.
+
+'May that day be very distant!' was his pious exclamation. 'Ah, sir! If
+I could say how deep an interest I have in you and yours! I allude to
+our beautiful young friend.'
+
+'True,' he answered. 'True. She need have some one interested in her.
+I did her wrong to train her as I did. Orphan though she was, she would
+have found some one to protect her whom she might have loved again. When
+she was a child, I pleased myself with the thought that in gratifying my
+whim of placing her between me and false-hearted knaves, I had done
+her a kindness. Now she is a woman, I have no such comfort. She has no
+protector but herself. I have put her at such odds with the world, that
+any dog may bark or fawn upon her at his pleasure. Indeed she stands in
+need of delicate consideration. Yes; indeed she does!'
+
+'If her position could be altered and defined, sir?' Mr Pecksniff
+hinted.
+
+'How can that be done? Should I make a seamstress of her, or a
+governess?'
+
+'Heaven forbid!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'My dear sir, there are other ways.
+There are indeed. But I am much excited and embarrassed at present, and
+would rather not pursue the subject. I scarcely know what I mean. Permit
+me to resume it at another time.'
+
+'You are not unwell?' asked Martin anxiously.
+
+'No, no!' cried Pecksniff. 'No. Permit me to resume it at another time.
+I'll walk a little. Bless you!'
+
+Old Martin blessed him in return, and squeezed his hand. As he turned
+away, and slowly walked towards the house, Mr Pecksniff stood gazing
+after him; being pretty well recovered from his late emotion, which, in
+any other man, one might have thought had been assumed as a machinery
+for feeling Martin's pulse. The change in the old man found such a
+slight expression in his figure, that Mr Pecksniff, looking after him,
+could not help saying to himself:
+
+'And I can wind him round my little finger! Only think!'
+
+Old Martin happening to turn his head, saluted him affectionately. Mr
+Pecksniff returned the gesture.
+
+'Why, the time was,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'and not long ago, when he
+wouldn't look at me! How soothing is this change. Such is the delicate
+texture of the human heart; so complicated is the process of its being
+softened! Externally he looks the same, and I can wind him round my
+little finger. Only think!'
+
+In sober truth, there did appear to be nothing on which Mr Pecksniff
+might not have ventured with Martin Chuzzlewit; for whatever Mr
+Pecksniff said or did was right, and whatever he advised was done.
+Martin had escaped so many snares from needy fortune-hunters, and had
+withered in the shell of his suspicion and distrust for so many years,
+but to become the good man's tool and plaything. With the happiness of
+this conviction painted on his face, the architect went forth upon his
+morning walk.
+
+The summer weather in his bosom was reflected in the breast of Nature.
+Through deep green vistas where the boughs arched overhead, and showed
+the sunlight flashing in the beautiful perspective; through dewy fern
+from which the startled hares leaped up, and fled at his approach; by
+mantled pools, and fallen trees, and down in hollow places, rustling
+among last year's leaves whose scent woke memory of the past; the placid
+Pecksniff strolled. By meadow gates and hedges fragrant with wild roses;
+and by thatched-roof cottages whose inmates humbly bowed before him as
+a man both good and wise; the worthy Pecksniff walked in tranquil
+meditation. The bee passed onward, humming of the work he had to do;
+the idle gnats for ever going round and round in one contracting and
+expanding ring, yet always going on as fast as he, danced merrily before
+him; the colour of the long grass came and went, as if the light clouds
+made it timid as they floated through the distant air. The birds,
+so many Pecksniff consciences, sang gayly upon every branch; and Mr
+Pecksniff paid HIS homage to the day by ruminating on his projects as he
+walked along.
+
+Chancing to trip, in his abstraction, over the spreading root of an old
+tree, he raised his pious eyes to take a survey of the ground before
+him. It startled him to see the embodied image of his thoughts not far
+ahead. Mary herself. And alone.
+
+At first Mr Pecksniff stopped as if with the intention of avoiding
+her; but his next impulse was to advance, which he did at a brisk pace;
+caroling as he went so sweetly and with so much innocence that he only
+wanted feathers and wings to be a bird.
+
+Hearing notes behind her, not belonging to the songsters of the grove,
+she looked round. Mr Pecksniff kissed his hand, and was at her side
+immediately.
+
+'Communing with nature?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'So am I.'
+
+She said the morning was so beautiful that she had walked further than
+she intended, and would return. Mr Pecksniff said it was exactly his
+case, and he would return with her.
+
+'Take my arm, sweet girl,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+Mary declined it, and walked so very fast that he remonstrated. 'You
+were loitering when I came upon you,' Mr Pecksniff said. 'Why be so
+cruel as to hurry now? You would not shun me, would you?'
+
+'Yes, I would,' she answered, turning her glowing cheek indignantly
+upon him, 'you know I would. Release me, Mr Pecksniff. Your touch is
+disagreeable to me.'
+
+His touch! What? That chaste patriarchal touch which Mrs Todgers--surely
+a discreet lady--had endured, not only without complaint, but with
+apparent satisfaction! This was positively wrong. Mr Pecksniff was sorry
+to hear her say it.
+
+'If you have not observed,' said Mary, 'that it is so, pray take
+assurance from my lips, and do not, as you are a gentleman, continue to
+offend me.'
+
+'Well, well!' said Mr Pecksniff, mildly, 'I feel that I might consider
+this becoming in a daughter of my own, and why should I object to it
+in one so beautiful! It's harsh. It cuts me to the soul,' said Mr
+Pecksniff; 'but I cannot quarrel with you, Mary.'
+
+She tried to say she was sorry to hear it, but burst into tears. Mr
+Pecksniff now repeated the Todgers performance on a comfortable scale,
+as if he intended it to last some time; and in his disengaged hand,
+catching hers, employed himself in separating the fingers with his own,
+and sometimes kissing them, as he pursued the conversation thus:
+
+'I am glad we met. I am very glad we met. I am able now to ease my
+bosom of a heavy load, and speak to you in confidence. Mary,' said Mr
+Pecksniff in his tenderest tones, indeed they were so very tender that
+he almost squeaked: 'My soul! I love you!'
+
+A fantastic thing, that maiden affectation! She made believe to shudder.
+
+'I love you,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'my gentle life, with a devotion which
+is quite surprising, even to myself. I did suppose that the sensation
+was buried in the silent tomb of a lady, only second to you in qualities
+of the mind and form; but I find I am mistaken.'
+
+She tried to disengage her hand, but might as well have tried to free
+herself from the embrace of an affectionate boa-constrictor; if anything
+so wily may be brought into comparison with Pecksniff.
+
+'Although I am a widower,' said Mr Pecksniff, examining the rings upon
+her fingers, and tracing the course of one delicate blue vein with his
+fat thumb, 'a widower with two daughters, still I am not encumbered,
+my love. One of them, as you know, is married. The other, by her own
+desire, but with a view, I will confess--why not?--to my altering my
+condition, is about to leave her father's house. I have a character,
+I hope. People are pleased to speak well of me, I think. My person
+and manner are not absolutely those of a monster, I trust. Ah! naughty
+Hand!' said Mr Pecksniff, apostrophizing the reluctant prize, 'why did
+you take me prisoner? Go, go!'
+
+He slapped the hand to punish it; but relenting, folded it in his
+waistcoat to comfort it again.
+
+'Blessed in each other, and in the society of our venerable friend, my
+darling,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'we shall be happy. When he is wafted to a
+haven of rest, we will console each other. My pretty primrose, what do
+you say?'
+
+'It is possible,' Mary answered, in a hurried manner, 'that I ought to
+feel grateful for this mark of your confidence. I cannot say that I do,
+but I am willing to suppose you may deserve my thanks. Take them; and
+pray leave me, Mr Pecksniff.'
+
+The good man smiled a greasy smile; and drew her closer to him.
+
+'Pray, pray release me, Mr Pecksniff. I cannot listen to your proposal.
+I cannot receive it. There are many to whom it may be acceptable, but it
+is not so to me. As an act of kindness and an act of pity, leave me!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff walked on with his arm round her waist, and her hand in
+his, as contentedly as if they had been all in all to each other, and
+were joined in the bonds of truest love.
+
+'If you force me by your superior strength,' said Mary, who finding that
+good words had not the least effect upon him, made no further effort to
+suppress her indignation; 'if you force me by your superior strength
+to accompany you back, and to be the subject of your insolence upon the
+way, you cannot constrain the expression of my thoughts. I hold you in
+the deepest abhorrence. I know your real nature and despise it.'
+
+'No, no,' said Mr Pecksniff, sweetly. 'No, no, no!'
+
+'By what arts or unhappy chances you have gained your influence over
+Mr Chuzzlewit, I do not know,' said Mary; 'it may be strong enough to
+soften even this, but he shall know of this, trust me, sir.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff raised his heavy eyelids languidly, and let them fall
+again. It was saying with perfect coolness, 'Aye, aye! Indeed!'
+
+'Is it not enough,' said Mary, 'that you warp and change his nature,
+adapt his every prejudice to your bad ends, and harden a heart naturally
+kind by shutting out the truth and allowing none but false and distorted
+views to reach it; is it not enough that you have the power of doing
+this, and that you exercise it, but must you also be so coarse, so
+cruel, and so cowardly to me?'
+
+Still Mr Pecksniff led her calmly on, and looked as mild as any lamb
+that ever pastured in the fields.
+
+'Will nothing move you, sir?' cried Mary.
+
+'My dear,' observed Mr Pecksniff, with a placid leer, 'a habit of
+self-examination, and the practice of--shall I say of virtue?'
+
+'Of hypocrisy,' said Mary.
+
+'No, no,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, chafing the captive hand reproachfully,
+'of virtue--have enabled me to set such guards upon myself, that it
+is really difficult to ruffle me. It is a curious fact, but it is
+difficult, do you know, for any one to ruffle me. And did she think,'
+said Mr Pecksniff, with a playful tightening of his grasp 'that SHE
+could! How little did she know his heart!'
+
+Little, indeed! Her mind was so strangely constituted that she would
+have preferred the caresses of a toad, an adder, or a serpent--nay, the
+hug of a bear--to the endearments of Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Come, come,' said that good gentleman, 'a word or two will set this
+matter right, and establish a pleasant understanding between us. I am
+not angry, my love.'
+
+'YOU angry!'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'I am not. I say so. Neither are you.'
+
+There was a beating heart beneath his hand that told another story
+though.
+
+'I am sure you are not,' said Mr Pecksniff: 'and I will tell you why.
+There are two Martin Chuzzlewits, my dear; and your carrying your anger
+to one might have a serious effect--who knows!--upon the other. You
+wouldn't wish to hurt him, would you?'
+
+She trembled violently, and looked at him with such a proud disdain that
+he turned his eyes away. No doubt lest he should be offended with her in
+spite of his better self.
+
+'A passive quarrel, my love,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'may be changed into
+an active one, remember. It would be sad to blight even a disinherited
+young man in his already blighted prospects; but how easy to do it.
+Ah, how easy! HAVE I influence with our venerable friend, do you think?
+Well, perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.'
+
+He raised his eyes to hers; and nodded with an air of banter that was
+charming.
+
+'No,' he continued, thoughtfully. 'Upon the whole, my sweet, if I were
+you I'd keep my secret to myself. I am not at all sure--very far from
+it--that it would surprise our friend in any way, for he and I have had
+some conversation together only this morning, and he is anxious, very
+anxious, to establish you in some more settled manner. But whether he
+was surprised or not surprised, the consequence of your imparting
+it might be the same. Martin junior might suffer severely. I'd have
+compassion on Martin junior, do you know?' said Mr Pecksniff, with a
+persuasive smile. 'Yes. He don't deserve it, but I would.'
+
+She wept so bitterly now, and was so much distressed, that he thought it
+prudent to unclasp her waist, and hold her only by the hand.
+
+'As to our own share in the precious little mystery,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+'we will keep it to ourselves, and talk of it between ourselves, and
+you shall think it over. You will consent, my love; you will consent,
+I know. Whatever you may think; you will. I seem to remember to have
+heard--I really don't know where, or how'--he added, with bewitching
+frankness, 'that you and Martin junior, when you were children, had a
+sort of childish fondness for each other. When we are married, you shall
+have the satisfaction of thinking that it didn't last to ruin him, but
+passed away to do him good; for we'll see then what we can do to put
+some trifling help in Martin junior's way. HAVE I any influence with our
+venerable friend? Well! Perhaps I have. Perhaps I have.'
+
+The outlet from the wood in which these tender passages occurred, was
+close to Mr Pecksniff's house. They were now so near it that he stopped,
+and holding up her little finger, said in playful accents, as a parting
+fancy:
+
+'Shall I bite it?'
+
+Receiving no reply he kissed it instead; and then stooping down,
+inclined his flabby face to hers--he had a flabby face, although he
+WAS a good man--and with a blessing, which from such a source was quite
+enough to set her up in life, and prosper her from that time forth
+permitted her to leave him.
+
+Gallantry in its true sense is supposed to ennoble and dignify a
+man; and love has shed refinements on innumerable Cymons. But Mr
+Pecksniff--perhaps because to one of his exalted nature these were mere
+grossnesses--certainly did not appear to any unusual advantage, now that
+he was left alone. On the contrary, he seemed to be shrunk and reduced;
+to be trying to hide himself within himself; and to be wretched at not
+having the power to do it. His shoes looked too large; his sleeve looked
+too long; his hair looked too limp; his features looked too mean; his
+exposed throat looked as if a halter would have done it good. For a
+minute or two, in fact, he was hot, and pale, and mean, and shy, and
+slinking, and consequently not at all Pecksniffian. But after that, he
+recovered himself, and went home with as beneficent an air as if he had
+been the High Priest of the summer weather.
+
+'I have arranged to go, Papa,' said Charity, 'to-morrow.'
+
+'So soon, my child!'
+
+'I can't go too soon,' said Charity, 'under the circumstances. I have
+written to Mrs Todgers to propose an arrangement, and have requested her
+to meet me at the coach, at all events. You'll be quite your own master
+now, Mr Pinch!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had just gone out of the room, and Tom had just come into
+it.
+
+'My own master!' repeated Tom.
+
+'Yes, you'll have nobody to interfere with you,' said Charity. 'At least
+I hope you won't. Hem! It's a changing world.'
+
+'What! are YOU going to be married, Miss Pecksniff?' asked Tom in great
+surprise.
+
+'Not exactly,' faltered Cherry. 'I haven't made up my mind to be. I
+believe I could be, if I chose, Mr Pinch.'
+
+'Of course you could!' said Tom. And he said it in perfect good faith.
+He believed it from the bottom of his heart.
+
+'No,' said Cherry, 'I am not going to be married. Nobody is, that I know
+of. Hem! But I am not going to live with Papa. I have my reasons, but
+it's all a secret. I shall always feel very kindly towards you, I assure
+you, for the boldness you showed that night. As to you and me, Mr Pinch,
+WE part the best friends possible!'
+
+Tom thanked her for her confidence, and for her friendship, but there
+was a mystery in the former which perfectly bewildered him. In his
+extravagant devotion to the family, he had felt the loss of Merry more
+than any one but those who knew that for all the slights he underwent he
+thought his own demerits were to blame, could possibly have understood.
+He had scarcely reconciled himself to that when here was Charity about
+to leave them. She had grown up, as it were, under Tom's eye.
+The sisters were a part of Pecksniff, and a part of Tom; items in
+Pecksniff's goodness, and in Tom's service. He couldn't bear it; not two
+hours' sleep had Tom that night, through dwelling in his bed upon these
+dreadful changes.
+
+When morning dawned he thought he must have dreamed this piece of
+ambiguity; but no, on going downstairs he found them packing trunks
+and cording boxes, and making other preparations for Miss Charity's
+departure, which lasted all day long. In good time for the evening
+coach, Miss Charity deposited her housekeeping keys with much ceremony
+upon the parlour table; took a gracious leave of all the house; and
+quitted her paternal roof--a blessing for which the Pecksniffian servant
+was observed by some profane persons to be particularly active in the
+thanksgiving at church next Sunday.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
+
+MR PINCH IS DISCHARGED OF A DUTY WHICH HE NEVER OWED TO ANYBODY, AND MR
+PECKSNIFF DISCHARGES A DUTY WHICH HE OWES TO SOCIETY
+
+
+The closing words of the last chapter lead naturally to the commencement
+of this, its successor; for it has to do with a church. With the church,
+so often mentioned heretofore, in which Tom Pinch played the organ for
+nothing.
+
+One sultry afternoon, about a week after Miss Charity's departure for
+London, Mr Pecksniff being out walking by himself, took it into his head
+to stray into the churchyard. As he was lingering among the tombstones,
+endeavouring to extract an available sentiment or two from the
+epitaphs--for he never lost an opportunity of making up a few moral
+crackers, to be let off as occasion served--Tom Pinch began to practice.
+Tom could run down to the church and do so whenever he had time to
+spare; for it was a simple little organ, provided with wind by the
+action of the musician's feet; and he was independent, even of a
+bellows-blower. Though if Tom had wanted one at any time, there was
+not a man or boy in all the village, and away to the turnpike (tollman
+included), but would have blown away for him till he was black in the
+face.
+
+Mr Pecksniff had no objection to music; not the least. He was tolerant
+of everything; he often said so. He considered it a vagabond kind of
+trifling, in general, just suited to Tom's capacity. But in regard
+to Tom's performance upon this same organ, he was remarkably lenient,
+singularly amiable; for when Tom played it on Sundays, Mr Pecksniff
+in his unbounded sympathy felt as if he played it himself, and were a
+benefactor to the congregation. So whenever it was impossible to devise
+any other means of taking the value of Tom's wages out of him, Mr
+Pecksniff gave him leave to cultivate this instrument. For which mark of
+his consideration Tom was very grateful.
+
+The afternoon was remarkably warm, and Mr Pecksniff had been strolling
+a long way. He had not what may be called a fine ear for music, but he
+knew when it had a tranquilizing influence on his soul; and that was the
+case now, for it sounded to him like a melodious snore. He approached
+the church, and looking through the diamond lattice of a window near the
+porch, saw Tom, with the curtains in the loft drawn back, playing away
+with great expression and tenderness.
+
+The church had an inviting air of coolness. The old oak roof supported
+by cross-beams, the hoary walls, the marble tablets, and the cracked
+stone pavement, were refreshing to look at. There were leaves of ivy
+tapping gently at the opposite windows; and the sun poured in through
+only one; leaving the body of the church in tempting shade. But the
+most tempting spot of all, was one red-curtained and soft-cushioned pew,
+wherein the official dignitaries of the place (of whom Mr Pecksniff was
+the head and chief) enshrined themselves on Sundays. Mr Pecksniff's seat
+was in the corner; a remarkably comfortable corner; where his very large
+Prayer-Book was at that minute making the most of its quarto self upon
+the desk. He determined to go in and rest.
+
+He entered very softly; in part because it was a church; in part because
+his tread was always soft; in part because Tom played a solemn tune; in
+part because he thought he would surprise him when he stopped. Unbolting
+the door of the high pew of state, he glided in and shut it after him;
+then sitting in his usual place, and stretching out his legs upon the
+hassocks, he composed himself to listen to the music.
+
+It is an unaccountable circumstance that he should have felt drowsy
+there, where the force of association might surely have been enough
+to keep him wide awake; but he did. He had not been in the snug little
+corner five minutes before he began to nod. He had not recovered himself
+one minute before he began to nod again. In the very act of opening his
+eyes indolently, he nodded again. In the very act of shutting them, he
+nodded again. So he fell out of one nod into another until at last he
+ceased to nod at all, and was as fast as the church itself.
+
+He had a consciousness of the organ, long after he fell asleep, though
+as to its being an organ he had no more idea of that than he had of
+its being a bull. After a while he began to have at intervals the same
+dreamy impressions of voices; and awakening to an indolent curiosity
+upon the subject, opened his eyes.
+
+He was so indolent, that after glancing at the hassocks and the pew, he
+was already half-way off to sleep again, when it occurred to him that
+there really were voices in the church; low voices, talking earnestly
+hard by; while the echoes seemed to mutter responses. He roused himself,
+and listened.
+
+Before he had listened half a dozen seconds, he became as broad awake as
+ever he had been in all his life. With eyes, and ears, and mouth,
+wide open, he moved himself a very little with the utmost caution, and
+gathering the curtain in his hand, peeped out.
+
+Tom Pinch and Mary. Of course. He had recognized their voices, and
+already knew the topic they discussed. Looking like the small end of a
+guillotined man, with his chin on a level with the top of the pew, so
+that he might duck down immediately in case of either of them turning
+round, he listened. Listened with such concentrated eagerness, that his
+very hair and shirt-collar stood bristling up to help him.
+
+'No,' cried Tom. 'No letters have ever reached me, except that one from
+New York. But don't be uneasy on that account, for it's very likely
+they have gone away to some far-off place, where the posts are neither
+regular nor frequent. He said in that very letter that it might be so,
+even in that city to which they thought of travelling--Eden, you know.'
+
+'It is a great weight upon my mind,' said Mary.
+
+'Oh, but you mustn't let it be,' said Tom. 'There's a true saying that
+nothing travels so fast as ill news; and if the slightest harm had
+happened to Martin, you may be sure you would have heard of it long
+ago. I have often wished to say this to you,' Tom continued with an
+embarrassment that became him very well, 'but you have never given me an
+opportunity.'
+
+'I have sometimes been almost afraid,' said Mary, 'that you might
+suppose I hesitated to confide in you, Mr Pinch.'
+
+'No,' Tom stammered, 'I--I am not aware that I ever supposed that. I
+am sure that if I have, I have checked the thought directly, as an
+injustice to you. I feel the delicacy of your situation in having to
+confide in me at all,' said Tom, 'but I would risk my life to save you
+from one day's uneasiness; indeed I would!'
+
+Poor Tom!
+
+'I have dreaded sometimes,' Tom continued, 'that I might have displeased
+you by--by having the boldness to try and anticipate your wishes now and
+then. At other times I have fancied that your kindness prompted you to
+keep aloof from me.'
+
+'Indeed!'
+
+'It was very foolish; very presumptuous and ridiculous, to think
+so,' Tom pursued; 'but I feared you might suppose it possible that
+I--I--should admire you too much for my own peace; and so denied
+yourself the slight assistance you would otherwise have accepted from
+me. If such an idea has ever presented itself to you,' faltered Tom,
+'pray dismiss it. I am easily made happy; and I shall live contented
+here long after you and Martin have forgotten me. I am a poor, shy,
+awkward creature; not at all a man of the world; and you should think no
+more of me, bless you, than if I were an old friar!'
+
+If friars bear such hearts as thine, Tom, let friars multiply; though
+they have no such rule in all their stern arithmetic.
+
+'Dear Mr Pinch!' said Mary, giving him her hand; 'I cannot tell you how
+your kindness moves me. I have never wronged you by the lightest doubt,
+and have never for an instant ceased to feel that you were all--much
+more than all--that Martin found you. Without the silent care and
+friendship I have experienced from you, my life here would have been
+unhappy. But you have been a good angel to me; filling me with gratitude
+of heart, hope, and courage.'
+
+'I am as little like an angel, I am afraid,' replied Tom, shaking his
+head, 'as any stone cherubim among the grave-stones; and I don't think
+there are many real angels of THAT pattern. But I should like to know
+(if you will tell me) why you have been so very silent about Martin.'
+
+'Because I have been afraid,' said Mary, 'of injuring you.'
+
+'Of injuring me!' cried Tom.
+
+'Of doing you an injury with your employer.'
+
+The gentleman in question dived.
+
+'With Pecksniff!' rejoined Tom, with cheerful confidence. 'Oh dear, he'd
+never think of us! He's the best of men. The more at ease you were, the
+happier he would be. Oh dear, you needn't be afraid of Pecksniff. He is
+not a spy.'
+
+Many a man in Mr Pecksniff's place, if he could have dived through the
+floor of the pew of state and come out at Calcutta or any inhabited
+region on the other side of the earth, would have done it instantly. Mr
+Pecksniff sat down upon a hassock, and listening more attentively than
+ever, smiled.
+
+Mary seemed to have expressed some dissent in the meanwhile, for Tom
+went on to say, with honest energy:
+
+'Well, I don't know how it is, but it always happens, whenever I express
+myself in this way to anybody almost, that I find they won't do justice
+to Pecksniff. It is one of the most extraordinary circumstances that
+ever came within my knowledge, but it is so. There's John Westlock, who
+used to be a pupil here, one of the best-hearted young men in the world,
+in all other matters--I really believe John would have Pecksniff flogged
+at the cart's tail if he could. And John is not a solitary case,
+for every pupil we have had in my time has gone away with the same
+inveterate hatred of him. There was Mark Tapley, too, quite in another
+station of life,' said Tom; 'the mockery he used to make of Pecksniff
+when he was at the Dragon was shocking. Martin too: Martin was worse
+than any of 'em. But I forgot. He prepared you to dislike Pecksniff, of
+course. So you came with a prejudice, you know, Miss Graham, and are not
+a fair witness.'
+
+Tom triumphed very much in this discovery, and rubbed his hands with
+great satisfaction.
+
+'Mr Pinch,' said Mary, 'you mistake him.'
+
+'No, no!' cried Tom. 'YOU mistake him. But,' he added, with a rapid
+change in his tone, 'what is the matter? Miss Graham, what is the
+matter?'
+
+Mr Pecksniff brought up to the top of the pew, by slow degrees, his
+hair, his forehead, his eyebrow, his eye. She was sitting on a bench
+beside the door with her hands before her face; and Tom was bending over
+her.
+
+'What is the matter?' cried Tom. 'Have I said anything to hurt you? Has
+any one said anything to hurt you? Don't cry. Pray tell me what it is.
+I cannot bear to see you so distressed. Mercy on us, I never was so
+surprised and grieved in all my life!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff kept his eye in the same place. He could have moved it now
+for nothing short of a gimlet or a red-hot wire.
+
+'I wouldn't have told you, Mr Pinch,' said Mary, 'if I could have helped
+it; but your delusion is so absorbing, and it is so necessary that we
+should be upon our guard; that you should not be compromised; and to
+that end that you should know by whom I am beset; that no alternative
+is left me. I came here purposely to tell you, but I think I should
+have wanted courage if you had not chanced to lead me so directly to the
+object of my coming.'
+
+Tom gazed at her steadfastly, and seemed to say, 'What else?' But he
+said not a word.
+
+'That person whom you think the best of men,' said Mary, looking up, and
+speaking with a quivering lip and flashing eye.
+
+'Lord bless me!' muttered Tom, staggering back. 'Wait a moment. That
+person whom I think the best of men! You mean Pecksniff, of course.
+Yes, I see you mean Pecksniff. Good gracious me, don't speak without
+authority. What has he done? If he is not the best of men, what is he?'
+
+'The worst. The falsest, craftiest, meanest, cruellest, most
+sordid, most shameless,' said the trembling girl--trembling with her
+indignation.
+
+Tom sat down on a seat, and clasped his hands.
+
+'What is he,' said Mary, 'who receiving me in his house as his guest;
+his unwilling guest; knowing my history, and how defenceless and alone
+I am, presumes before his daughters to affront me so, that if I had a
+brother but a child, who saw it, he would instinctively have helped me?'
+
+'He is a scoundrel!' exclaimed Tom. 'Whoever he may be, he is a
+scoundrel.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff dived again.
+
+'What is he,' said Mary, 'who, when my only friend--a dear and kind one,
+too--was in full health of mind, humbled himself before him, but was
+spurned away (for he knew him then) like a dog. Who, in his forgiving
+spirit, now that that friend is sunk into a failing state, can crawl
+about him again, and use the influence he basely gains for every base
+and wicked purpose, and not for one--not one--that's true or good?'
+
+'I say he is a scoundrel!' answered Tom.
+
+'But what is he--oh, Mr Pinch, what IS he--who, thinking he could
+compass these designs the better if I were his wife, assails me with the
+coward's argument that if I marry him, Martin, on whom I have brought so
+much misfortune, shall be restored to something of his former hopes; and
+if I do not, shall be plunged in deeper ruin? What is he who makes my
+very constancy to one I love with all my heart a torture to myself and
+wrong to him; who makes me, do what I will, the instrument to hurt a
+head I would heap blessings on! What is he who, winding all these cruel
+snares about me, explains their purpose to me, with a smooth tongue and
+a smiling face, in the broad light of day; dragging me on, the while, in
+his embrace, and holding to his lips a hand,' pursued the agitated girl,
+extending it, 'which I would have struck off, if with it I could lose
+the shame and degradation of his touch?'
+
+'I say,' cried Tom, in great excitement, 'he is a scoundrel and a
+villain! I don't care who he is, I say he is a double-dyed and most
+intolerable villain!'
+
+Covering her face with her hands again, as if the passion which had
+sustained her through these disclosures lost itself in an overwhelming
+sense of shame and grief, she abandoned herself to tears.
+
+Any sight of distress was sure to move the tenderness of Tom, but this
+especially. Tears and sobs from her were arrows in his heart. He tried
+to comfort her; sat down beside her; expended all his store of homely
+eloquence; and spoke in words of praise and hope of Martin. Aye, though
+he loved her from his soul with such a self-denying love as woman seldom
+wins; he spoke from first to last of Martin. Not the wealth of the rich
+Indies would have tempted Tom to shirk one mention of her lover's name.
+
+When she was more composed, she impressed upon Tom that this man she
+had described, was Pecksniff in his real colours; and word by word and
+phrase by phrase, as well as she remembered it, related what had
+passed between them in the wood: which was no doubt a source of high
+gratification to that gentleman himself, who in his desire to see and
+his dread of being seen, was constantly diving down into the state pew,
+and coming up again like the intelligent householder in Punch's Show,
+who avoids being knocked on the head with a cudgel. When she had
+concluded her account, and had besought Tom to be very distant and
+unconscious in his manner towards her after this explanation, and had
+thanked him very much, they parted on the alarm of footsteps in the
+burial-ground; and Tom was left alone in the church again.
+
+And now the full agitation and misery of the disclosure came rushing
+upon Tom indeed. The star of his whole life from boyhood had become, in
+a moment, putrid vapour. It was not that Pecksniff, Tom's Pecksniff, had
+ceased to exist, but that he never had existed. In his death Tom would
+have had the comfort of remembering what he used to be, but in this
+discovery, he had the anguish of recollecting what he never was. For,
+as Tom's blindness in this matter had been total and not partial, so was
+his restored sight. HIS Pecksniff could never have worked the wickedness
+of which he had just now heard, but any other Pecksniff could; and the
+Pecksniff who could do that could do anything, and no doubt had been
+doing anything and everything except the right thing, all through his
+career. From the lofty height on which poor Tom had placed his idol it
+was tumbled down headlong, and
+
+     Not all the king's horses, nor all the king's men,
+     Could have set Mr Pecksniff up again.
+
+Legions of Titans couldn't have got him out of the mud; and serve him
+right! But it was not he who suffered; it was Tom. His compass was
+broken, his chart destroyed, his chronometer had stopped, his masts were
+gone by the board; his anchor was adrift, ten thousand leagues away.
+
+Mr Pecksniff watched him with a lively interest, for he divined the
+purpose of Tom's ruminations, and was curious to see how he conducted
+himself. For some time, Tom wandered up and down the aisle like a man
+demented, stopping occasionally to lean against a pew and think it over;
+then he stood staring at a blank old monument bordered tastefully with
+skulls and cross-bones, as if it were the finest work of Art he had ever
+seen, although at other times he held it in unspeakable contempt; then
+he sat down; then walked to and fro again; then went wandering up into
+the organ-loft, and touched the keys. But their minstrelsy was changed,
+their music gone; and sounding one long melancholy chord, Tom drooped
+his head upon his hands and gave it up as hopeless.
+
+'I wouldn't have cared,' said Tom Pinch, rising from his stool and
+looking down into the church as if he had been the Clergyman, 'I
+wouldn't have cared for anything he might have done to Me, for I have
+tried his patience often, and have lived upon his sufferance and have
+never been the help to him that others could have been. I wouldn't have
+minded, Pecksniff,' Tom continued, little thinking who heard him, 'if
+you had done Me any wrong; I could have found plenty of excuses for
+that; and though you might have hurt me, could have still gone on
+respecting you. But why did you ever fall so low as this in my esteem!
+Oh Pecksniff, Pecksniff, there is nothing I would not have given, to
+have had you deserve my old opinion of you; nothing!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff sat upon the hassock pulling up his shirt-collar, while
+Tom, touched to the quick, delivered this apostrophe. After a pause he
+heard Tom coming down the stairs, jingling the church keys; and bringing
+his eye to the top of the pew again, saw him go slowly out and lock the
+door.
+
+Mr Pecksniff durst not issue from his place of concealment; for through
+the windows of the church he saw Tom passing on among the graves, and
+sometimes stopping at a stone, and leaning there as if he were a
+mourner who had lost a friend. Even when he had left the churchyard, Mr
+Pecksniff still remained shut up; not being at all secure but that in
+his restless state of mind Tom might come wandering back. At length he
+issued forth, and walked with a pleasant countenance into the vestry;
+where he knew there was a window near the ground, by which he could
+release himself by merely stepping out.
+
+He was in a curious frame of mind, Mr Pecksniff; being in no hurry to
+go, but rather inclining to a dilatory trifling with the time, which
+prompted him to open the vestry cupboard, and look at himself in the
+parson's little glass that hung within the door. Seeing that his hair
+was rumpled, he took the liberty of borrowing the canonical brush and
+arranging it. He also took the liberty of opening another cupboard; but
+he shut it up again quickly, being rather startled by the sight of a
+black and a white surplice dangling against the wall; which had very
+much the appearance of two curates who had committed suicide by hanging
+themselves. Remembering that he had seen in the first cupboard a
+port-wine bottle and some biscuits, he peeped into it again, and helped
+himself with much deliberation; cogitating all the time though, in
+a very deep and weighty manner, as if his thoughts were otherwise
+employed.
+
+He soon made up his mind, if it had ever been in doubt; and putting
+back the bottle and biscuits, opened the casement. He got out into the
+churchyard without any difficulty; shut the window after him; and walked
+straight home.
+
+'Is Mr Pinch indoors?' asked Mr Pecksniff of his serving-maid.
+
+'Just come in, sir.'
+
+'Just come in, eh?' repeated Mr Pecksniff, cheerfully. 'And gone
+upstairs, I suppose?'
+
+'Yes sir. Gone upstairs. Shall I call him, sir?'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'no. You needn't call him, Jane. Thank you,
+Jane. How are your relations, Jane?'
+
+'Pretty well, I thank you, sir.'
+
+'I am glad to hear it. Let them know I asked about them, Jane. Is Mr
+Chuzzlewit in the way, Jane?'
+
+'Yes, sir. He's in the parlour, reading.'
+
+'He's in the parlour, reading, is he, Jane?' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Very
+well. Then I think I'll go and see him, Jane.'
+
+Never had Mr Pecksniff been beheld in a more pleasant humour!
+
+But when he walked into the parlour where the old man was engaged as
+Jane had said; with pen and ink and paper on a table close at hand (for
+Mr Pecksniff was always very particular to have him well supplied with
+writing materials), he became less cheerful. He was not angry, he was
+not vindictive, he was not cross, he was not moody, but he was grieved;
+he was sorely grieved. As he sat down by the old man's side, two
+tears--not tears like those with which recording angels blot their
+entries out, but drops so precious that they use them for their
+ink--stole down his meritorious cheeks.
+
+'What is the matter?' asked old Martin. 'Pecksniff, what ails you, man?'
+
+'I am sorry to interrupt you, my dear sir, and I am still more sorry for
+the cause. My good, my worthy friend, I am deceived.'
+
+'You are deceived!'
+
+'Ah!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in an agony, 'deceived in the tenderest
+point. Cruelly deceived in that quarter, sir, in which I placed the most
+unbounded confidence. Deceived, Mr Chuzzlewit, by Thomas Pinch.'
+
+'Oh! bad, bad, bad!' said Martin, laying down his book. 'Very bad! I
+hope not. Are you certain?'
+
+'Certain, my good sir! My eyes and ears are witnesses. I wouldn't have
+believed it otherwise. I wouldn't have believed it, Mr Chuzzlewit, if a
+Fiery Serpent had proclaimed it from the top of Salisbury Cathedral. I
+would have said,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'that the Serpent lied. Such was
+my faith in Thomas Pinch, that I would have cast the falsehood back into
+the Serpent's teeth, and would have taken Thomas to my heart. But I am
+not a Serpent, sir, myself, I grieve to say, and no excuse or hope is
+left me.'
+
+Martin was greatly disturbed to see him so much agitated, and to hear
+such unexpected news. He begged him to compose himself, and asked upon
+what subject Mr Pinch's treachery had been developed.
+
+'That is almost the worst of all, sir,' Mr Pecksniff answered, 'on a
+subject nearly concerning YOU. Oh! is it not enough,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+looking upward, 'that these blows must fall on me, but must they also
+hit my friends!'
+
+'You alarm me,' cried the old man, changing colour. 'I am not so strong
+as I was. You terrify me, Pecksniff!'
+
+'Cheer up, my noble sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking courage, 'and we
+will do what is required of us. You shall know all, sir, and shall
+be righted. But first excuse me, sir, excuse me. I have a duty to
+discharge, which I owe to society.'
+
+He rang the bell, and Jane appeared. 'Send Mr Pinch here, if you please,
+Jane.'
+
+Tom came. Constrained and altered in his manner, downcast and dejected,
+visibly confused; not liking to look Pecksniff in the face.
+
+The honest man bestowed a glance on Mr Chuzzlewit, as who should say
+'You see!' and addressed himself to Tom in these terms:
+
+'Mr Pinch, I have left the vestry-window unfastened. Will you do me the
+favour to go and secure it; then bring the keys of the sacred edifice to
+me!'
+
+'The vestry-window, sir?' cried Tom.
+
+'You understand me, Mr Pinch, I think,' returned his patron. 'Yes, Mr
+Pinch, the vestry-window. I grieve to say that sleeping in the church
+after a fatiguing ramble, I overheard just now some fragments,' he
+emphasised that word, 'of a dialogue between two parties; and one of
+them locking the church when he went out, I was obliged to leave
+it myself by the vestry-window. Do me the favour to secure that
+vestry-window, Mr Pinch, and then come back to me.'
+
+No physiognomist that ever dwelt on earth could have construed Tom's
+face when he heard these words. Wonder was in it, and a mild look of
+reproach, but certainly no fear or guilt, although a host of strong
+emotions struggled to display themselves. He bowed, and without saying
+one word, good or bad, withdrew.
+
+'Pecksniff,' cried Martin, in a tremble, 'what does all this mean? You
+are not going to do anything in haste, you may regret!'
+
+'No, my good sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, firmly, 'No. But I have a duty to
+discharge which I owe to society; and it shall be discharged, my friend,
+at any cost!'
+
+Oh, late-remembered, much-forgotten, mouthing, braggart duty, always
+owed, and seldom paid in any other coin than punishment and wrath, when
+will mankind begin to know thee! When will men acknowledge thee in thy
+neglected cradle, and thy stunted youth, and not begin their recognition
+in thy sinful manhood and thy desolate old age! Oh, ermined Judge whose
+duty to society is, now, to doom the ragged criminal to punishment and
+death, hadst thou never, Man, a duty to discharge in barring up the
+hundred open gates that wooed him to the felon's dock, and throwing but
+ajar the portals to a decent life! Oh, prelate, prelate, whose duty to
+society it is to mourn in melancholy phrase the sad degeneracy of these
+bad times in which thy lot of honours has been cast, did nothing go
+before thy elevation to the lofty seat, from which thou dealest out thy
+homilies to other tarriers for dead men's shoes, whose duty to society
+has not begun! Oh! magistrate, so rare a country gentleman and brave a
+squire, had you no duty to society, before the ricks were blazing and
+the mob were mad; or did it spring up, armed and booted from the earth,
+a corps of yeomanry full-grown!
+
+Mr Pecksniff's duty to society could not be paid till Tom came back. The
+interval which preceded the return of that young man, he occupied in a
+close conference with his friend; so that when Tom did arrive, he found
+the two quite ready to receive him. Mary was in her own room above,
+whither Mr Pecksniff, always considerate, had besought old Martin to
+entreat her to remain some half-hour longer, that her feelings might be
+spared.
+
+When Tom came back, he found old Martin sitting by the window, and Mr
+Pecksniff in an imposing attitude at the table. On one side of him was
+his pocket-handkerchief; and on the other a little heap (a very little
+heap) of gold and silver, and odd pence. Tom saw, at a glance, that it
+was his own salary for the current quarter.
+
+'Have you fastened the vestry-window, Mr Pinch?' said Pecksniff.
+
+'Yes, sir.'
+
+'Thank you. Put down the keys if you please, Mr Pinch.'
+
+Tom placed them on the table. He held the bunch by the key of the
+organ-loft (though it was one of the smallest), and looked hard at it
+as he laid it down. It had been an old, old friend of Tom's; a kind
+companion to him, many and many a day.
+
+'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, shaking his head; 'oh, Mr Pinch! I wonder
+you can look me in the face!'
+
+Tom did it though; and notwithstanding that he has been described as
+stooping generally, he stood as upright then as man could stand.
+
+'Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, taking up his handkerchief, as if he felt
+that he should want it soon, 'I will not dwell upon the past. I will
+spare you, and I will spare myself, that pain at least.'
+
+Tom's was not a very bright eye, but it was a very expressive one when
+he looked at Mr Pecksniff, and said:
+
+'Thank you, sir. I am very glad you will not refer to the past.'
+
+'The present is enough,' said Mr Pecksniff, dropping a penny, 'and
+the sooner THAT is past, the better. Mr Pinch, I will not dismiss
+you without a word of explanation. Even such a course would be quite
+justifiable under the circumstances; but it might wear an appearance of
+hurry, and I will not do it; for I am,' said Mr Pecksniff, knocking down
+another penny, 'perfectly self-possessed. Therefore I will say to you,
+what I have already said to Mr Chuzzlewit.'
+
+Tom glanced at the old gentleman, who nodded now and then as approving
+of Mr Pecksniff's sentences and sentiments, but interposed between them
+in no other way.
+
+'From fragments of a conversation which I overheard in the church, just
+now, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff, 'between yourself and Miss Graham--I say
+fragments, because I was slumbering at a considerable distance from you,
+when I was roused by your voices--and from what I saw, I ascertained (I
+would have given a great deal not to have ascertained, Mr Pinch) that
+you, forgetful of all ties of duty and of honour, sir; regardless of the
+sacred laws of hospitality, to which you were pledged as an inmate
+of this house; have presumed to address Miss Graham with unreturned
+professions of attachment and proposals of love.'
+
+Tom looked at him steadily.
+
+'Do you deny it, sir?' asked Mr Pecksniff, dropping one pound two and
+fourpence, and making a great business of picking it up again.
+
+'No, sir,' replied Tom. 'I do not.'
+
+'You do not,' said Mr Pecksniff, glancing at the old gentleman. 'Oblige
+me by counting this money, Mr Pinch, and putting your name to this
+receipt. You do not?'
+
+No, Tom did not. He scorned to deny it. He saw that Mr Pecksniff having
+overheard his own disgrace, cared not a jot for sinking lower yet in his
+contempt. He saw that he had devised this fiction as the readiest means
+of getting rid of him at once, but that it must end in that any way. He
+saw that Mr Pecksniff reckoned on his not denying it, because his doing
+so and explaining would incense the old man more than ever against
+Martin and against Mary; while Pecksniff himself would only have been
+mistaken in his 'fragments.' Deny it! No.
+
+'You find the amount correct, do you, Mr Pinch?' said Pecksniff.
+
+'Quite correct, sir,' answered Tom.
+
+'A person is waiting in the kitchen,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to carry
+your luggage wherever you please. We part, Mr Pinch, at once, and are
+strangers from this time.'
+
+Something without a name; compassion, sorrow, old tenderness, mistaken
+gratitude, habit; none of these, and yet all of them; smote upon Tom's
+gentle heart at parting. There was no such soul as Pecksniff's in
+that carcase; and yet, though his speaking out had not involved the
+compromise of one he loved, he couldn't have denounced the very shape
+and figure of the man. Not even then.
+
+'I will not say,' cried Mr Pecksniff, shedding tears, 'what a blow this
+is. I will not say how much it tries me; how it works upon my nature;
+how it grates upon my feelings. I do not care for that. I can endure as
+well as another man. But what I have to hope, and what you have to hope,
+Mr Pinch (otherwise a great responsibility rests upon you), is, that
+this deception may not alter my ideas of humanity; that it may not
+impair my freshness, or contract, if I may use the expression, my
+Pinions. I hope it will not; I don't think it will. It may be a comfort
+to you, if not now, at some future time, to know that I shall endeavour
+not to think the worse of my fellow-creatures in general, for what has
+passed between us. Farewell!'
+
+Tom had meant to spare him one little puncturation with a lancet, which
+he had it in his power to administer, but he changed his mind on hearing
+this, and said:
+
+'I think you left something in the church, sir.'
+
+'Thank you, Mr Pinch,' said Pecksniff. 'I am not aware that I did.'
+
+'This is your double eye-glass, I believe?' said Tom.
+
+'Oh!' cried Pecksniff, with some degree of confusion. 'I am obliged to
+you. Put it down, if you please.'
+
+'I found it,' said Tom, slowly--'when I went to bolt the
+vestry-window--in the pew.'
+
+So he had. Mr Pecksniff had taken it off when he was bobbing up and
+down, lest it should strike against the panelling; and had forgotten it.
+Going back to the church with his mind full of having been watched, and
+wondering very much from what part, Tom's attention was caught by the
+door of the state pew standing open. Looking into it he found the glass.
+And thus he knew, and by returning it gave Mr Pecksniff the information
+that he knew, where the listener had been; and that instead of
+overhearing fragments of the conversation, he must have rejoiced in
+every word of it.
+
+'I am glad he's gone,' said Martin, drawing a long breath when Tom had
+left the room.
+
+'It IS a relief,' assented Mr Pecksniff. 'It is a great relief. But
+having discharged--I hope with tolerable firmness--the duty which I owed
+to society, I will now, my dear sir, if you will give me leave, retire
+to shed a few tears in the back garden, as an humble individual.'
+
+Tom went upstairs; cleared his shelf of books; packed them up with his
+music and an old fiddle in his trunk; got out his clothes (they were not
+so many that they made his head ache); put them on the top of his books;
+and went into the workroom for his case of instruments. There was a
+ragged stool there, with the horsehair all sticking out of the top like
+a wig: a very Beast of a stool in itself; on which he had taken up his
+daily seat, year after year, during the whole period of his service.
+They had grown older and shabbier in company. Pupils had served their
+time; seasons had come and gone. Tom and the worn-out stool had held
+together through it all. That part of the room was traditionally called
+'Tom's Corner.' It had been assigned to him at first because of its
+being situated in a strong draught, and a great way from the fire; and
+he had occupied it ever since. There were portraits of him on the walls,
+with all his weak points monstrously portrayed. Diabolical sentiments,
+foreign to his character, were represented as issuing from his mouth in
+fat balloons. Every pupil had added something, even unto fancy portraits
+of his father with one eye, and of his mother with a disproportionate
+nose, and especially of his sister; who always being presented as
+extremely beautiful, made full amends to Tom for any other jokes. Under
+less uncommon circumstances, it would have cut Tom to the heart to leave
+these things and think that he saw them for the last time; but it didn't
+now. There was no Pecksniff; there never had been a Pecksniff; and all
+his other griefs were swallowed up in that.
+
+So, when he returned into the bedroom, and, having fastened his box and
+a carpet-bag, put on his walking gaiters, and his great-coat, and his
+hat, and taken his stick in his hand, looked round it for the last time.
+Early on summer mornings, and by the light of private candle-ends on
+winter nights, he had read himself half blind in this same room. He had
+tried in this same room to learn the fiddle under the bedclothes, but
+yielding to objections from the other pupils, had reluctantly abandoned
+the design. At any other time he would have parted from it with a pang,
+thinking of all he had learned there, of the many hours he had passed
+there; for the love of his very dreams. But there was no Pecksniff;
+there never had been a Pecksniff, and the unreality of Pecksniff
+extended itself to the chamber, in which, sitting on one particular
+bed, the thing supposed to be that Great Abstraction had often preached
+morality with such effect that Tom had felt a moisture in his eyes,
+while hanging breathless on the words.
+
+The man engaged to bear his box--Tom knew him well: a Dragon man--came
+stamping up the stairs, and made a roughish bow to Tom (to whom in
+common times he would have nodded with a grin) as though he were aware
+of what had happened, and wished him to perceive it made no difference
+to HIM. It was clumsily done; he was a mere waterer of horses; but Tom
+liked the man for it, and felt it more than going away.
+
+Tom would have helped him with the box, but he made no more of it,
+though it was a heavy one, than an elephant would have made of a
+castle; just swinging it on his back and bowling downstairs as if, being
+naturally a heavy sort of fellow, he could carry a box infinitely better
+than he could go alone. Tom took the carpet-bag, and went downstairs
+along with him. At the outer door stood Jane, crying with all her might;
+and on the steps was Mrs Lupin, sobbing bitterly, and putting out her
+hand for Tom to shake.
+
+'You're coming to the Dragon, Mr Pinch?'
+
+'No,' said Tom, 'no. I shall walk to Salisbury to-night. I couldn't stay
+here. For goodness' sake, don't make me so unhappy, Mrs Lupin.'
+
+'But you'll come to the Dragon, Mr Pinch. If it's only for tonight. To
+see me, you know; not as a traveller.'
+
+'God bless my soul!' said Tom, wiping his eyes. 'The kindness of people
+is enough to break one's heart! I mean to go to Salisbury to-night, my
+dear good creature. If you'll take care of my box for me till I write
+for it, I shall consider it the greatest kindness you can do me.'
+
+'I wish,' cried Mrs Lupin, 'there were twenty boxes, Mr Pinch, that I
+might have 'em all.'
+
+'Thank'ee,' said Tom. 'It's like you. Good-bye. Good-bye.'
+
+There were several people, young and old, standing about the door, some
+of whom cried with Mrs Lupin; while others tried to keep up a stout
+heart, as Tom did; and others were absorbed in admiration of Mr
+Pecksniff--a man who could build a church, as one may say, by squinting
+at a sheet of paper; and others were divided between that feeling and
+sympathy with Tom. Mr Pecksniff had appeared on the top of the steps,
+simultaneously with his old pupil, and while Tom was talking with Mrs
+Lupin kept his hand stretched out, as though he said 'Go forth!' When
+Tom went forth, and had turned the corner Mr Pecksniff shook his head,
+shut his eyes, and heaving a deep sigh, shut the door. On which, the
+best of Tom's supporters said he must have done some dreadful deed, or
+such a man as Mr Pecksniff never could have felt like that. If it had
+been a common quarrel (they observed), he would have said something, but
+when he didn't, Mr Pinch must have shocked him dreadfully.
+
+Tom was out of hearing of their shrewd opinions, and plodded on as
+steadily as he could go, until he came within sight of the turnpike
+where the tollman's family had cried out 'Mr Pinch!' that frosty
+morning, when he went to meet young Martin. He had got through the
+village, and this toll-bar was his last trial; but when the infant
+toll-takers came screeching out, he had half a mind to run for it, and
+make a bolt across the country.
+
+'Why, deary Mr Pinch! oh, deary sir!' cried the tollman's wife. 'What an
+unlikely time for you to be a-going this way with a bag!'
+
+'I am going to Salisbury,' said Tom.
+
+'Why, goodness, where's the gig, then?' cried the tollman's wife,
+looking down the road, as if she thought Tom might have been upset
+without observing it.
+
+'I haven't got it,' said Tom. 'I--' he couldn't evade it; he felt she
+would have him in the next question, if he got over this one. 'I have
+left Mr Pecksniff.'
+
+The tollman--a crusty customer, always smoking solitary pipes in a
+Windsor chair, inside, set artfully between two little windows that
+looked up and down the road, so that when he saw anything coming up he
+might hug himself on having toll to take, and when he saw it going down,
+might hug himself on having taken it--the tollman was out in an instant.
+
+'Left Mr Pecksniff!' cried the tollman.
+
+'Yes,' said Tom, 'left him.'
+
+The tollman looked at his wife, uncertain whether to ask her if she had
+anything to suggest, or to order her to mind the children. Astonishment
+making him surly, he preferred the latter, and sent her into the
+toll-house with a flea in her ear.
+
+'You left Mr Pecksniff!' cried the tollman, folding his arms, and
+spreading his legs. 'I should as soon have thought of his head leaving
+him.'
+
+'Aye!' said Tom, 'so should I, yesterday. Good night!'
+
+If a heavy drove of oxen hadn't come by immediately, the tollman would
+have gone down to the village straight, to inquire into it. As
+things turned out, he smoked another pipe, and took his wife into his
+confidence. But their united sagacity could make nothing of it, and they
+went to bed--metaphorically--in the dark. But several times that night,
+when a waggon or other vehicle came through, and the driver asked
+the tollkeeper 'What news?' he looked at the man by the light of his
+lantern, to assure himself that he had an interest in the subject, and
+then said, wrapping his watch-coat round his legs:
+
+'You've heerd of Mr Pecksniff down yonder?'
+
+'Ah! sure-ly!'
+
+'And of his young man Mr Pinch, p'raps?'
+
+'Ah!'
+
+'They've parted.'
+
+After every one of these disclosures, the tollman plunged into his
+house again, and was seen no more, while the other side went on in great
+amazement.
+
+But this was long after Tom was abed, and Tom was now with his face
+towards Salisbury, doing his best to get there. The evening was
+beautiful at first, but it became cloudy and dull at sunset, and the
+rain fell heavily soon afterwards. For ten long miles he plodded on, wet
+through, until at last the lights appeared, and he came into the welcome
+precincts of the city.
+
+He went to the inn where he had waited for Martin, and briefly answering
+their inquiries after Mr Pecksniff, ordered a bed. He had no heart for
+tea or supper, meat or drink of any kind, but sat by himself before
+an empty table in the public room while the bed was getting ready,
+revolving in his mind all that had happened that eventful day, and
+wondering what he could or should do for the future. It was a great
+relief when the chambermaid came in, and said the bed was ready.
+
+It was a low four-poster, shelving downward in the centre like a trough,
+and the room was crowded with impracticable tables and exploded chests
+of drawers, full of damp linen. A graphic representation in oil of a
+remarkably fat ox hung over the fireplace, and the portrait of some
+former landlord (who might have been the ox's brother, he was so like
+him) stared roundly in, at the foot of the bed. A variety of queer
+smells were partially quenched in the prevailing scent of very old
+lavender; and the window had not been opened for such a long space of
+time that it pleaded immemorial usage, and wouldn't come open now.
+
+These were trifles in themselves, but they added to the strangeness of
+the place, and did not induce Tom to forget his new position. Pecksniff
+had gone out of the world--had never been in it--and it was as much
+as Tom could do to say his prayers without him. But he felt happier
+afterwards, and went to sleep, and dreamed about him as he Never Was.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
+
+TREATS OF TODGER'S AGAIN; AND OF ANOTHER BLIGHTED PLANT BESIDES THE
+PLANTS UPON THE LEADS
+
+
+Early on the day next after that on which she bade adieu to the halls
+of her youth and the scenes of her childhood, Miss Pecksniff, arriving
+safely at the coach-office in London, was there received, and conducted
+to her peaceful home beneath the shadow of the Monument, by Mrs Todgers.
+M. Todgers looked a little worn by cares of gravy and other such
+solicitudes arising out of her establishment, but displayed her usual
+earnestness and warmth of manner.
+
+'And how, my sweet Miss Pecksniff,' said she, 'how is your princely pa?'
+
+Miss Pecksniff signified (in confidence) that he contemplated the
+introduction of a princely ma; and repeated the sentiment that she
+wasn't blind, and wasn't quite a fool, and wouldn't bear it.
+
+Mrs Todgers was more shocked by the intelligence than any one could have
+expected. She was quite bitter. She said there was no truth in man and
+that the warmer he expressed himself, as a general principle, the falser
+and more treacherous he was. She foresaw with astonishing clearness that
+the object of Mr Pecksniff's attachment was designing, worthless, and
+wicked; and receiving from Charity the fullest confirmation of these
+views, protested with tears in her eyes that she loved Miss Pecksniff
+like a sister, and felt her injuries as if they were her own.
+
+'Your real darling sister, I have not seen her more than once since her
+marriage,' said Mrs Todgers, 'and then I thought her looking poorly. My
+sweet Miss Pecksniff, I always thought that you was to be the lady?'
+
+'Oh dear no!' cried Cherry, shaking her head. 'Oh no, Mrs Todgers. Thank
+you. No! not for any consideration he could offer.'
+
+'I dare say you are right,' said Mrs Todgers with a sigh. 'I feared
+it all along. But the misery we have had from that match, here among
+ourselves, in this house, my dear Miss Pecksniff, nobody would believe.'
+
+'Lor, Mrs Todgers!'
+
+'Awful, awful!' repeated Mrs Todgers, with strong emphasis. 'You
+recollect our youngest gentleman, my dear?'
+
+'Of course I do,' said Cherry.
+
+'You might have observed,' said Mrs Todgers, 'how he used to watch your
+sister; and that a kind of stony dumbness came over him whenever she was
+in company?'
+
+'I am sure I never saw anything of the sort,' said Cherry, in a peevish
+manner. 'What nonsense, Mrs Todgers!'
+
+'My dear,' returned that lady in a hollow voice, 'I have seen him again
+and again, sitting over his pie at dinner, with his spoon a perfect
+fixture in his mouth, looking at your sister. I have seen him standing
+in a corner of our drawing-room, gazing at her, in such a lonely,
+melancholy state, that he was more like a Pump than a man, and might
+have drawed tears.'
+
+'I never saw it!' cried Cherry; 'that's all I can say.'
+
+'But when the marriage took place,' said Mrs Todgers, proceeding
+with her subject, 'when it was in the paper, and was read out here at
+breakfast, I thought he had taken leave of his senses, I did indeed.
+The violence of that young man, my dear Miss Pecksniff; the frightful
+opinions he expressed upon the subject of self-destruction; the
+extraordinary actions he performed with his tea; the clenching way in
+which he bit his bread and butter; the manner in which he taunted Mr
+Jinkins; all combined to form a picture never to be forgotten.'
+
+'It's a pity he didn't destroy himself, I think,' observed Miss
+Pecksniff.
+
+'Himself!' said Mrs Todgers, 'it took another turn at night. He was for
+destroying other people then. There was a little chaffing going on--I
+hope you don't consider that a low expression, Miss Pecksniff; it is
+always in our gentlemen's mouths--a little chaffing going on, my dear,
+among 'em, all in good nature, when suddenly he rose up, foaming with
+his fury, and but for being held by three would have had Mr Jinkins's
+life with a bootjack.'
+
+Miss Pecksniff's face expressed supreme indifference.
+
+'And now,' said Mrs Todgers, 'now he is the meekest of men. You can
+almost bring the tears into his eyes by looking at him. He sits with me
+the whole day long on Sundays, talking in such a dismal way that I find
+it next to impossible to keep my spirits up equal to the accommodation
+of the boarders. His only comfort is in female society. He takes me
+half-price to the play, to an extent which I sometimes fear is beyond
+his means; and I see the tears a-standing in his eyes during the whole
+performance--particularly if it is anything of a comic nature. The turn
+I experienced only yesterday,' said Mrs Todgers putting her hand to her
+side, 'when the house-maid threw his bedside carpet out of the window of
+his room, while I was sitting here, no one can imagine. I thought it was
+him, and that he had done it at last!'
+
+The contempt with which Miss Charity received this pathetic account of
+the state to which the youngest gentleman in company was reduced,
+did not say much for her power of sympathising with that unfortunate
+character. She treated it with great levity, and went on to inform
+herself, then and afterwards, whether any other changes had occurred in
+the commercial boarding-house.
+
+Mr Bailey was gone, and had been succeeded (such is the decay of human
+greatness!) by an old woman whose name was reported to be Tamaroo--which
+seemed an impossibility. Indeed it appeared in the fullness of time that
+the jocular boarders had appropriated the word from an English ballad,
+in which it is supposed to express the bold and fiery nature of a
+certain hackney coachman; and that it was bestowed upon Mr Bailey's
+successor by reason of her having nothing fiery about her, except an
+occasional attack of that fire which is called St. Anthony's. This
+ancient female had been engaged, in fulfillment of a vow, registered by
+Mrs Todgers, that no more boys should darken the commercial doors; and
+she was chiefly remarkable for a total absence of all comprehension upon
+every subject whatever. She was a perfect Tomb for messages and small
+parcels; and when dispatched to the Post Office with letters, had been
+frequently seen endeavouring to insinuate them into casual chinks in
+private doors, under the delusion that any door with a hole in it would
+answer the purpose. She was a very little old woman, and always wore
+a very coarse apron with a bib before and a loop behind, together
+with bandages on her wrists, which appeared to be afflicted with an
+everlasting sprain. She was on all occasions chary of opening the street
+door, and ardent to shut it again; and she waited at table in a bonnet.
+
+This was the only great change over and above the change which had
+fallen on the youngest gentleman. As for him, he more than corroborated
+the account of Mrs Todgers; possessing greater sensibility than even
+she had given him credit for. He entertained some terrible notions of
+Destiny, among other matters, and talked much about people's 'Missions';
+upon which he seemed to have some private information not generally
+attainable, as he knew it had been poor Merry's mission to crush him
+in the bud. He was very frail and tearful; for being aware that a
+shepherd's mission was to pipe to his flocks, and that a boatswain's
+mission was to pipe all hands, and that one man's mission was to be a
+paid piper, and another man's mission was to pay the piper, so he had
+got it into his head that his own peculiar mission was to pipe his eye.
+Which he did perpetually.
+
+He often informed Mrs Todgers that the sun had set upon him; that the
+billows had rolled over him; that the car of Juggernaut had crushed him,
+and also that the deadly Upas tree of Java had blighted him. His name
+was Moddle.
+
+Towards this most unhappy Moddle, Miss Pecksniff conducted herself at
+first with distant haughtiness, being in no humour to be entertained
+with dirges in honour of her married sister. The poor young gentleman
+was additionally crushed by this, and remonstrated with Mrs Todgers on
+the subject.
+
+'Even she turns from me, Mrs Todgers,' said Moddle.
+
+'Then why don't you try and be a little bit more cheerful, sir?'
+retorted Mrs Todgers.
+
+'Cheerful, Mrs Todgers! cheerful!' cried the youngest gentleman; 'when
+she reminds me of days for ever fled, Mrs Todgers!'
+
+'Then you had better avoid her for a short time, if she does,' said Mrs
+Todgers, 'and come to know her again, by degrees. That's my advice.'
+
+'But I can't avoid her,' replied Moddle, 'I haven't strength of mind to
+do it. Oh, Mrs Todgers, if you knew what a comfort her nose is to me!'
+
+'Her nose, sir!' Mrs Todgers cried.
+
+'Her profile, in general,' said the youngest gentleman, 'but
+particularly her nose. It's so like;' here he yielded to a burst of
+grief. 'It's so like hers who is Another's, Mrs Todgers!'
+
+The observant matron did not fail to report this conversation to
+Charity, who laughed at the time, but treated Mr Moddle that very
+evening with increased consideration, and presented her side face to him
+as much as possible. Mr Moddle was not less sentimental than usual;
+was rather more so, if anything; but he sat and stared at her with
+glistening eyes, and seemed grateful.
+
+'Well, sir!' said the lady of the Boarding-House next day. 'You held up
+your head last night. You're coming round, I think.'
+
+'Only because she's so like her who is Another's, Mrs Todgers,' rejoined
+the youth. 'When she talks, and when she smiles, I think I'm looking on
+HER brow again, Mrs Todgers.'
+
+This was likewise carried to Charity, who talked and smiled next evening
+in her most engaging manner, and rallying Mr Moddle on the lowness of
+his spirits, challenged him to play a rubber at cribbage. Mr Moddle
+taking up the gauntlet, they played several rubbers for sixpences, and
+Charity won them all. This may have been partially attributable to the
+gallantry of the youngest gentleman, but it was certainly referable to
+the state of his feelings also; for his eyes being frequently dimmed by
+tears, he thought that aces were tens, and knaves queens, which at times
+occasioned some confusion in his play.
+
+On the seventh night of cribbage, when Mrs Todgers, sitting by, proposed
+that instead of gambling they should play for 'love,' Mr Moddle was seen
+to change colour. On the fourteenth night, he kissed Miss Pecksniff's
+snuffers, in the passage, when she went upstairs to bed; meaning to have
+kissed her hand, but missing it.
+
+In short, Mr Moddle began to be impressed with the idea that Miss
+Pecksniff's mission was to comfort him; and Miss Pecksniff began
+to speculate on the probability of its being her mission to become
+ultimately Mrs Moddle. He was a young gentleman (Miss Pecksniff was not
+a very young lady) with rising prospects, and 'almost' enough to live
+on. Really it looked very well.
+
+Besides--besides--he had been regarded as devoted to Merry. Merry had
+joked about him, and had once spoken of it to her sister as a conquest.
+He was better looking, better shaped, better spoken, better tempered,
+better mannered than Jonas. He was easy to manage, could be made to
+consult the humours of his Betrothed, and could be shown off like a lamb
+when Jonas was a bear. There was the rub!
+
+In the meantime the cribbage went on, and Mrs Todgers went off; for the
+youngest gentleman, dropping her society, began to take Miss Pecksniff
+to the play. He also began, as Mrs Todgers said, to slip home 'in his
+dinner-times,' and to get away from 'the office' at unholy seasons;
+and twice, as he informed Mrs Todgers himself, he received anonymous
+letters, enclosing cards from Furniture Warehouses--clearly the act of
+that ungentlemanly ruffian Jinkins; only he hadn't evidence enough to
+call him out upon. All of which, so Mrs Todgers told Miss Pecksniff,
+spoke as plain English as the shining sun.
+
+'My dear Miss Pecksniff, you may depend upon it,' said Mrs Todgers,
+'that he is burning to propose.'
+
+'My goodness me, why don't he then?' cried Cherry.
+
+'Men are so much more timid than we think 'em, my dear,' returned
+Mrs Todgers. 'They baulk themselves continually. I saw the words on
+Todgers's lips for months and months and months, before he said 'em.'
+
+Miss Pecksniff submitted that Todgers might not have been a fair
+specimen.
+
+'Oh yes, he was. Oh bless you, yes, my dear. I was very particular in
+those days, I assure you,' said Mrs Todgers, bridling. 'No, no. You give
+Mr Moddle a little encouragement, Miss Pecksniff, if you wish him to
+speak; and he'll speak fast enough, depend upon it.'
+
+'I am sure I don't know what encouragement he would have, Mrs Todgers,'
+returned Charity. 'He walks with me, and plays cards with me, and he
+comes and sits alone with me.'
+
+'Quite right,' said Mrs Todgers. 'That's indispensable, my dear.'
+
+'And he sits very close to me.'
+
+'Also quite correct,' said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'And he looks at me.'
+
+'To be sure he does,' said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'And he has his arm upon the back of the chair or sofa, or whatever it
+is--behind me, you know.'
+
+'I should think so,' said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'And then he begins to cry!'
+
+Mrs Todgers admitted that he might do better than that; and might
+undoubtedly profit by the recollection of the great Lord Nelson's signal
+at the battle of Trafalgar. Still, she said, he would come round, or,
+not to mince the matter, would be brought round, if Miss Pecksniff took
+up a decided position, and plainly showed him that it must be done.
+
+Determining to regulate her conduct by this opinion, the young lady
+received Mr Moddle, on the earliest subsequent occasion, with an air of
+constraint; and gradually leading him to inquire, in a dejected manner,
+why she was so changed, confessed to him that she felt it necessary for
+their mutual peace and happiness to take a decided step. They had been
+much together lately, she observed, much together, and had tasted the
+sweets of a genuine reciprocity of sentiment. She never could forget
+him, nor could she ever cease to think of him with feelings of the
+liveliest friendship, but people had begun to talk, the thing had been
+observed, and it was necessary that they should be nothing more to each
+other, than any gentleman and lady in society usually are. She was glad
+she had had the resolution to say thus much before her feelings had been
+tried too far; they had been greatly tried, she would admit; but though
+she was weak and silly, she would soon get the better of it, she hoped.
+
+Moddle, who had by this time become in the last degree maudlin, and wept
+abundantly, inferred from the foregoing avowal, that it was his mission
+to communicate to others the blight which had fallen on himself; and
+that, being a kind of unintentional Vampire, he had had Miss Pecksniff
+assigned to him by the Fates, as Victim Number One. Miss Pecksniff
+controverting this opinion as sinful, Moddle was goaded on to ask
+whether she could be contented with a blighted heart; and it appearing
+on further examination that she could be, plighted his dismal troth,
+which was accepted and returned.
+
+He bore his good fortune with the utmost moderation. Instead of being
+triumphant, he shed more tears than he had ever been known to shed
+before; and, sobbing, said:
+
+'Oh! what a day this has been! I can't go back to the office this
+afternoon. Oh, what a trying day this has been! Good Gracious!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
+
+FURTHER PROCEEDINGS IN EDEN, AND A PROCEEDING OUT OF IT. MARTIN MAKES A
+DISCOVERY OF SOME IMPORTANCE
+
+
+From Mr Moddle to Eden is an easy and natural transition. Mr Moddle,
+living in the atmosphere of Miss Pecksniff's love, dwelt (if he had but
+known it) in a terrestrial Paradise. The thriving city of Eden was
+also a terrestrial Paradise, upon the showing of its proprietors. The
+beautiful Miss Pecksniff might have been poetically described as a
+something too good for man in his fallen and degraded state. That
+was exactly the character of the thriving city of Eden, as poetically
+heightened by Zephaniah Scadder, General Choke, and other worthies; part
+and parcel of the talons of that great American Eagle, which is always
+airing itself sky-high in purest aether, and never, no never, never,
+tumbles down with draggled wings into the mud.
+
+When Mark Tapley, leaving Martin in the architectural and surveying
+offices, had effectually strengthened and encouraged his own spirits
+by the contemplation of their joint misfortunes, he proceeded, with
+new cheerfulness, in search of help; congratulating himself, as he went
+along, on the enviable position to which he had at last attained.
+
+'I used to think, sometimes,' said Mr Tapley, 'as a desolate island
+would suit me, but I should only have had myself to provide for there,
+and being naturally a easy man to manage, there wouldn't have been much
+credit in THAT. Now here I've got my partner to take care on, and he's
+something like the sort of man for the purpose. I want a man as is
+always a-sliding off his legs when he ought to be on 'em. I want a
+man as is so low down in the school of life that he's always a-making
+figures of one in his copy-book, and can't get no further. I want a man
+as is his own great coat and cloak, and is always a-wrapping himself up
+in himself. And I have got him too,' said Mr Tapley, after a moment's
+silence. 'What a happiness!'
+
+He paused to look round, uncertain to which of the log-houses he should
+repair.
+
+'I don't know which to take,' he observed; 'that's the truth. They're
+equally prepossessing outside, and equally commodious, no doubt, within;
+being fitted up with every convenience that a Alligator, in a state of
+natur', could possibly require. Let me see! The citizen as turned out
+last night, lives under water, in the right hand dog-kennel at the
+corner. I don't want to trouble him if I can help it, poor man, for
+he is a melancholy object; a reg'lar Settler in every respect. There's
+house with a winder, but I am afraid of their being proud. I don't know
+whether a door ain't too aristocratic; but here goes for the first one!'
+
+He went up to the nearest cabin, and knocked with his hand. Being
+desired to enter, he complied.
+
+'Neighbour,' said Mark; 'for I AM a neighbour, though you don't know me;
+I've come a-begging. Hallo! hal--lo! Am I a-bed, and dreaming!'
+
+He made this exclamation on hearing his own name pronounced, and finding
+himself clasped about the skirts by two little boys, whose faces he had
+often washed, and whose suppers he had often cooked, on board of that
+noble and fast-sailing line-of-packet ship, the Screw.
+
+'My eyes is wrong!' said Mark. 'I don't believe 'em. That ain't my
+fellow-passenger younder, a-nursing her little girl, who, I am sorry to
+see, is so delicate; and that ain't her husband as come to New York to
+fetch her. Nor these,' he added, looking down upon the boys, 'ain't them
+two young shavers as was so familiar to me; though they are uncommon
+like 'em. That I must confess.'
+
+The woman shed tears, in very joy to see him; the man shook both his
+hands and would not let them go; the two boys hugged his legs; the sick
+child in the mother's arms stretched out her burning little fingers, and
+muttered, in her hoarse, dry throat, his well-remembered name.
+
+It was the same family, sure enough. Altered by the salubrious air of
+Eden. But the same.
+
+'This is a new sort of a morning call,' said Mark, drawing a long
+breath. 'It strikes one all of a heap. Wait a little bit! I'm a-coming
+round fast. That'll do! These gentlemen ain't my friends. Are they on
+the visiting list of the house?'
+
+The inquiry referred to certain gaunt pigs, who had walked in after him,
+and were much interested in the heels of the family. As they did not
+belong to the mansion, they were expelled by the two little boys.
+
+'I ain't superstitious about toads,' said Mark, looking round the room,
+'but if you could prevail upon the two or three I see in company, to
+step out at the same time, my young friends, I think they'd find the
+open air refreshing. Not that I at all object to 'em. A very handsome
+animal is a toad,' said Mr Tapley, sitting down upon a stool; 'very
+spotted; very like a partickler style of old gentleman about the throat;
+very bright-eyed, very cool, and very slippy. But one sees 'em to the
+best advantage out of doors perhaps.'
+
+While pretending, with such talk as this, to be perfectly at his ease,
+and to be the most indifferent and careless of men, Mark Tapley had
+an eye on all around him. The wan and meagre aspect of the family, the
+changed looks of the poor mother, the fevered child she held in her lap,
+the air of great despondency and little hope on everything, were plain
+to him, and made a deep impression on his mind. He saw it all as
+clearly and as quickly, as with his bodily eyes he saw the rough shelves
+supported by pegs driven between the logs, of which the house was made;
+the flour-cask in the corner, serving also for a table; the blankets,
+spades, and other articles against the walls; the damp that blotched the
+ground; or the crop of vegetable rottenness in every crevice of the hut.
+
+'How is it that you have come here?' asked the man, when their first
+expressions of surprise were over.
+
+'Why, we come by the steamer last night,' replied Mark. 'Our intention
+is to make our fortuns with punctuality and dispatch; and to retire upon
+our property as soon as ever it's realised. But how are you all? You're
+looking noble!'
+
+'We are but sickly now,' said the poor woman, bending over her child.
+'But we shall do better when we are seasoned to the place.'
+
+'There are some here,' thought Mark 'whose seasoning will last for
+ever.'
+
+But he said cheerfully, 'Do better! To be sure you will. We shall all
+do better. What we've got to do is, to keep up our spirits, and be
+neighbourly. We shall come all right in the end, never fear. That
+reminds me, by the bye, that my partner's all wrong just at present;
+and that I looked in to beg for him. I wish you'd come and give me your
+opinion of him, master.'
+
+That must have been a very unreasonable request on the part of Mark
+Tapley, with which, in their gratitude for his kind offices on board the
+ship, they would not have complied instantly. The man rose to accompany
+him without a moment's delay. Before they went, Mark took the sick child
+in his arms, and tried to comfort the mother; but the hand of death was
+on it then, he saw.
+
+They found Martin in the house, lying wrapped up in his blanket on
+the ground. He was, to all appearance, very ill indeed, and shook and
+shivered horribly; not as people do from cold, but in a frightful
+kind of spasm or convulsion, that racked his whole body. Mark's friend
+pronounced his disease an aggravated kind of fever, accompanied with
+ague; which was very common in those parts, and which he predicted would
+be worse to-morrow, and for many more to-morrows. He had had it himself
+off and on, he said, for a couple of years or so; but he was thankful
+that, while so many he had known had died about him, he had escaped with
+life.
+
+'And with not too much of that,' thought Mark, surveying his emaciated
+form. 'Eden for ever!'
+
+They had some medicine in their chest; and this man of sad experience
+showed Mark how and when to administer it, and how he could best
+alleviate the sufferings of Martin. His attentions did not stop there;
+for he was backwards and forwards constantly, and rendered Mark
+good service in all his brisk attempts to make their situation more
+endurable. Hope or comfort for the future he could not bestow. The
+season was a sickly one; the settlement a grave. His child died that
+night; and Mark, keeping the secret from Martin, helped to bury it,
+beneath a tree, next day.
+
+With all his various duties of attendance upon Martin (who became the
+more exacting in his claims, the worse he grew), Mark worked out of
+doors, early and late; and with the assistance of his friend and others,
+laboured to do something with their land. Not that he had the least
+strength of heart or hope, or steady purpose in so doing, beyond the
+habitual cheerfulness of his disposition, and his amazing power of
+self-sustainment; for within himself, he looked on their condition
+as beyond all hope, and, in his own words, 'came out strong' in
+consequence.
+
+'As to coming out as strong as I could wish, sir,' he confided to Martin
+in a leisure moment; that is to say, one evening, while he was washing
+the linen of the establishment, after a hard day's work, 'that I give
+up. It's a piece of good fortune as never is to happen to me, I see!'
+
+'Would you wish for circumstances stronger than these?' Martin retorted
+with a groan, from underneath his blanket.
+
+'Why, only see how easy they might have been stronger, sir,' said Mark,
+'if it wasn't for the envy of that uncommon fortun of mine, which is
+always after me, and tripping me up. The night we landed here, I thought
+things did look pretty jolly. I won't deny it. I thought they did look
+pretty jolly.'
+
+'How do they look now?' groaned Martin.
+
+'Ah!' said Mark, 'Ah, to be sure. That's the question. How do they look
+now? On the very first morning of my going out, what do I do? Stumble
+on a family I know, who are constantly assisting of us in all sorts of
+ways, from that time to this! That won't do, you know; that ain't what
+I'd a right to expect. If I had stumbled on a serpent and got bit; or
+stumbled on a first-rate patriot, and got bowie-knifed, or stumbled on a
+lot of Sympathisers with inverted shirt-collars, and got made a lion of;
+I might have distinguished myself, and earned some credit. As it is,
+the great object of my voyage is knocked on the head. So it would be,
+wherever I went. How do you feel to-night, sir?'
+
+'Worse than ever,' said poor Martin.
+
+'That's something,' returned Mark, 'but not enough. Nothing but being
+very bad myself, and jolly to the last, will ever do me justice.'
+
+'In Heaven's name, don't talk of that,' said Martin with a thrill of
+terror. 'What should I do, Mark, if you were taken ill!'
+
+Mr Tapley's spirits appeared to be stimulated by this remark, although
+it was not a very flattering one. He proceeded with his washing in a
+brighter mood; and observed 'that his glass was arising.'
+
+'There's one good thing in this place, sir,' said Mr Tapley, scrubbing
+away at the linen, 'as disposes me to be jolly; and that is that it's
+a reg'lar little United States in itself. There's two or three American
+settlers left; and they coolly comes over one, even here, sir, as if it
+was the wholesomest and loveliest spot in the world. But they're like
+the cock that went and hid himself to save his life, and was found out
+by the noise he made. They can't help crowing. They was born to do it,
+and do it they must, whatever comes of it.'
+
+Glancing from his work out at the door as he said these words, Mark's
+eyes encountered a lean person in a blue frock and a straw hat, with
+a short black pipe in his mouth, and a great hickory stick studded all
+over with knots, in his hand; who smoking and chewing as he came along,
+and spitting frequently, recorded his progress by a train of decomposed
+tobacco on the ground.
+
+'Here's one on 'em,' cried Mark, 'Hannibal Chollop.'
+
+'Don't let him in,' said Martin, feebly.
+
+'He won't want any letting in,' replied Mark. 'He'll come in, sir.'
+Which turned out to be quite true, for he did. His face was almost as
+hard and knobby as his stick; and so were his hands. His head was like
+an old black hearth-broom. He sat down on the chest with his hat on;
+and crossing his legs and looking up at Mark, said, without removing his
+pipe:
+
+'Well, Mr Co.! and how do you git along, sir?'
+
+It may be necessary to observe that Mr Tapley had gravely introduced
+himself to all strangers, by that name.
+
+'Pretty well, sir; pretty well,' said Mark.
+
+'If this ain't Mr Chuzzlewit, ain't it!' exclaimed the visitor 'How do
+YOU git along, sir?'
+
+Martin shook his head, and drew the blanket over it involuntarily; for
+he felt that Hannibal was going to spit; and his eye, as the song says,
+was upon him.
+
+'You need not regard me, sir,' observed Mr Chollop, complacently. 'I am
+fever-proof, and likewise agur.'
+
+'Mine was a more selfish motive,' said Martin, looking out again. 'I was
+afraid you were going to--'
+
+'I can calc'late my distance, sir,' returned Mr Chollop, 'to an inch.'
+
+With a proof of which happy faculty he immediately favoured him.
+
+'I re-quire, sir,' said Hannibal, 'two foot clear in a circ'lar
+di-rection, and can engage my-self toe keep within it. I HAVE gone ten
+foot, in a circ'lar di-rection, but that was for a wager.'
+
+'I hope you won it, sir,' said Mark.
+
+'Well, sir, I realised the stakes,' said Chollop. 'Yes, sir.'
+
+He was silent for a time, during which he was actively engaged in the
+formation of a magic circle round the chest on which he sat. When it was
+completed, he began to talk again.
+
+'How do you like our country, sir?' he inquired, looking at Martin.
+
+'Not at all,' was the invalid's reply.
+
+Chollop continued to smoke without the least appearance of emotion,
+until he felt disposed to speak again. That time at length arriving, he
+took his pipe from his mouth, and said:
+
+'I am not surprised to hear you say so. It re-quires An elevation, and
+A preparation of the intellect. The mind of man must be prepared for
+Freedom, Mr Co.'
+
+He addressed himself to Mark; because he saw that Martin, who wished
+him to go, being already half-mad with feverish irritation, which the
+droning voice of this new horror rendered almost insupportable, had
+closed his eyes, and turned on his uneasy bed.
+
+'A little bodily preparation wouldn't be amiss, either, would it, sir,'
+said Mark, 'in the case of a blessed old swamp like this?'
+
+'Do you con-sider this a swamp, sir?' inquired Chollop gravely.
+
+'Why yes, sir,' returned Mark. 'I haven't a doubt about it myself.'
+
+'The sentiment is quite Europian,' said the major, 'and does not
+surprise me; what would your English millions say to such a swamp in
+England, sir?'
+
+'They'd say it was an uncommon nasty one, I should think, said Mark;
+'and that they would rather be inoculated for fever in some other way.'
+
+'Europian!' remarked Chollop, with sardonic pity. 'Quite Europian!'
+
+And there he sat. Silent and cool, as if the house were his; smoking
+away like a factory chimney.
+
+Mr Chollop was, of course, one of the most remarkable men in the
+country; but he really was a notorious person besides. He was usually
+described by his friends, in the South and West, as 'a splendid sample
+of our na-tive raw material, sir,' and was much esteemed for his
+devotion to rational Liberty; for the better propagation whereof he
+usually carried a brace of revolving pistols in his coat pocket, with
+seven barrels a-piece. He also carried, amongst other trinkets, a
+sword-stick, which he called his 'Tickler.' and a great knife, which
+(for he was a man of a pleasant turn of humour) he called 'Ripper,' in
+allusion to its usefulness as a means of ventilating the stomach of
+any adversary in a close contest. He had used these weapons with
+distinguished effect in several instances, all duly chronicled in the
+newspapers; and was greatly beloved for the gallant manner in which
+he had 'jobbed out' the eye of one gentleman, as he was in the act of
+knocking at his own street-door.
+
+Mr Chollop was a man of a roving disposition; and, in any less advanced
+community, might have been mistaken for a violent vagabond. But his fine
+qualities being perfectly understood and appreciated in those regions
+where his lot was cast, and where he had many kindred spirits to consort
+with, he may be regarded as having been born under a fortunate star,
+which is not always the case with a man so much before the age in which
+he lives. Preferring, with a view to the gratification of his tickling
+and ripping fancies, to dwell upon the outskirts of society, and in the
+more remote towns and cities, he was in the habit of emigrating from
+place to place, and establishing in each some business--usually a
+newspaper--which he presently sold; for the most part closing the
+bargain by challenging, stabbing, pistolling, or gouging the new editor,
+before he had quite taken possession of the property.
+
+He had come to Eden on a speculation of this kind, but had abandoned it,
+and was about to leave. He always introduced himself to strangers as
+a worshipper of Freedom; was the consistent advocate of Lynch law,
+and slavery; and invariably recommended, both in print and speech,
+the 'tarring and feathering' of any unpopular person who differed from
+himself. He called this 'planting the standard of civilization in the
+wilder gardens of My country.'
+
+There is little doubt that Chollop would have planted this standard in
+Eden at Mark's expense, in return for his plainness of speech (for the
+genuine Freedom is dumb, save when she vaunts herself), but for the
+utter desolation and decay prevailing in the settlement, and his own
+approaching departure from it. As it was, he contented himself with
+showing Mark one of the revolving-pistols, and asking him what he
+thought of that weapon.
+
+'It ain't long since I shot a man down with that, sir, in the State of
+IllinOY,' observed Chollop.
+
+'Did you, indeed!' said Mark, without the smallest agitation. 'Very free
+of you. And very independent!'
+
+'I shot him down, sir,' pursued Chollop, 'for asserting in the Spartan
+Portico, a tri-weekly journal, that the ancient Athenians went a-head of
+the present Locofoco Ticket.'
+
+'And what's that?' asked Mark.
+
+'Europian not to know,' said Chollop, smoking placidly. 'Europian
+quite!'
+
+After a short devotion to the interests of the magic circle, he resumed
+the conversation by observing:
+
+'You won't half feel yourself at home in Eden, now?'
+
+'No,' said Mark, 'I don't.'
+
+'You miss the imposts of your country. You miss the house dues?'
+observed Chollop.
+
+'And the houses--rather,' said Mark.
+
+'No window dues here, sir,' observed Chollop.
+
+'And no windows to put 'em on,' said Mark.
+
+'No stakes, no dungeons, no blocks, no racks, no scaffolds, no
+thumbscrews, no pikes, no pillories,' said Chollop.
+
+'Nothing but rewolwers and bowie-knives,' returned Mark. 'And what are
+they? Not worth mentioning!'
+
+The man who had met them on the night of their arrival came crawling up
+at this juncture, and looked in at the door.
+
+'Well, sir,' said Chollop. 'How do YOU git along?'
+
+He had considerable difficulty in getting along at all, and said as much
+in reply.
+
+'Mr Co. And me, sir,' observed Chollop, 'are disputating a piece. He
+ought to be slicked up pretty smart to disputate between the Old World
+and the New, I do expect?'
+
+'Well!' returned the miserable shadow. 'So he had.'
+
+'I was merely observing, sir,' said Mark, addressing this new visitor,
+'that I looked upon the city in which we have the honour to live, as
+being swampy. What's your sentiments?'
+
+'I opinionate it's moist perhaps, at certain times,' returned the man.
+
+'But not as moist as England, sir?' cried Chollop, with a fierce
+expression in his face.
+
+'Oh! Not as moist as England; let alone its Institutions,' said the man.
+
+'I should hope there ain't a swamp in all Americay, as don't whip THAT
+small island into mush and molasses,' observed Chollop, decisively. 'You
+bought slick, straight, and right away, of Scadder, sir?' to Mark.
+
+He answered in the affirmative. Mr Chollop winked at the other citizen.
+
+'Scadder is a smart man, sir? He is a rising man? He is a man as will
+come up'ards, right side up, sir?' Mr Chollop winked again at the other
+citizen.
+
+'He should have his right side very high up, if I had my way,' said
+Mark. 'As high up as the top of a good tall gallows, perhaps.'
+
+Mr Chollop was so delighted at the smartness of his excellent countryman
+having been too much for the Britisher, and at the Britisher's resenting
+it, that he could contain himself no longer, and broke forth in a shout
+of delight. But the strangest exposition of this ruling passion was
+in the other--the pestilence-stricken, broken, miserable shadow of a
+man--who derived so much entertainment from the circumstance that he
+seemed to forget his own ruin in thinking of it, and laughed outright
+when he said 'that Scadder was a smart man, and had draw'd a lot of
+British capital that way, as sure as sun-up.'
+
+After a full enjoyment of this joke, Mr Hannibal Chollop sat smoking and
+improving the circle, without making any attempts either to converse or
+to take leave; apparently labouring under the not uncommon delusion
+that for a free and enlightened citizen of the United States to convert
+another man's house into a spittoon for two or three hours together, was
+a delicate attention, full of interest and politeness, of which nobody
+could ever tire. At last he rose.
+
+'I am a-going easy,' he observed.
+
+Mark entreated him to take particular care of himself.
+
+'Afore I go,' he said sternly, 'I have got a leetle word to say to you.
+You are darnation 'cute, you are.'
+
+Mark thanked him for the compliment.
+
+'But you are much too 'cute to last. I can't con-ceive of any spotted
+Painter in the bush, as ever was so riddled through and through as you
+will be, I bet.'
+
+'What for?' asked Mark.
+
+'We must be cracked up, sir,' retorted Chollop, in a tone of menace.
+'You are not now in A despotic land. We are a model to the airth, and
+must be jist cracked-up, I tell you.'
+
+'What! I speak too free, do I?' cried Mark.
+
+'I have draw'd upon A man, and fired upon A man for less,' said Chollop,
+frowning. 'I have know'd strong men obleeged to make themselves uncommon
+skase for less. I have know'd men Lynched for less, and beaten into
+punkin'-sarse for less, by an enlightened people. We are the intellect
+and virtue of the airth, the cream of human natur', and the flower
+Of moral force. Our backs is easy ris. We must be cracked-up, or they
+rises, and we snarls. We shows our teeth, I tell you, fierce. You'd
+better crack us up, you had!'
+
+After the delivery of this caution, Mr Chollop departed; with Ripper,
+Tickler, and the revolvers, all ready for action on the shortest notice.
+
+'Come out from under the blanket, sir,' said Mark, 'he's gone. What's
+this!' he added softly; kneeling down to look into his partner's
+face, and taking his hot hand. 'What's come of all that chattering and
+swaggering? He's wandering in his mind to-night, and don't know me!'
+
+Martin indeed was dangerously ill; very near his death. He lay in that
+state many days, during which time Mark's poor friends, regardless of
+themselves, attended him. Mark, fatigued in mind and body; working
+all the day and sitting up at night; worn with hard living and the
+unaccustomed toil of his new life; surrounded by dismal and discouraging
+circumstances of every kind; never complained or yielded in the least
+degree. If ever he had thought Martin selfish or inconsiderate, or had
+deemed him energetic only by fits and starts, and then too passive for
+their desperate fortunes, he now forgot it all. He remembered nothing
+but the better qualities of his fellow-wanderer, and was devoted to him,
+heart and hand.
+
+Many weeks elapsed before Martin was strong enough to move about with
+the help of a stick and Mark's arm; and even then his recovery, for want
+of wholesome air and proper nourishment, was very slow. He was yet in a
+feeble and weak condition, when the misfourtune he had so much dreaded
+fell upon them. Mark was taken ill.
+
+Mark fought against it; but the malady fought harder, and his efforts
+were in vain.
+
+'Floored for the present, sir,' he said one morning, sinking back upon
+his bed; 'but jolly!'
+
+Floored indeed, and by a heavy blow! As any one but Martin might have
+known beforehand.
+
+If Mark's friends had been kind to Martin (and they had been very), they
+were twenty times kinder to Mark. And now it was Martin's turn to work,
+and sit beside the bed and watch, and listen through the long, long
+nights, to every sound in the gloomy wilderness; and hear poor Mr
+Tapley, in his wandering fancy, playing at skittles in the Dragon,
+making love-remonstrances to Mrs Lupin, getting his sea-legs on board
+the Screw, travelling with old Tom Pinch on English roads, and burning
+stumps of trees in Eden, all at once.
+
+But whenever Martin gave him drink or medicine, or tended him in any
+way, or came into the house returning from some drudgery without, the
+patient Mr Tapley brightened up and cried: 'I'm jolly, sir; 'I'm jolly!'
+
+Now, when Martin began to think of this, and to look at Mark as he lay
+there; never reproaching him by so much as an expression of regret;
+never murmuring; always striving to be manful and staunch; he began to
+think, how was it that this man who had had so few advantages, was so
+much better than he who had had so many? And attendance upon a sick bed,
+but especially the sick bed of one whom we have been accustomed to see
+in full activity and vigour, being a great breeder of reflection, he
+began to ask himself in what they differed.
+
+He was assisted in coming to a conclusion on this head by the frequent
+presence of Mark's friend, their fellow-passenger across the ocean,
+which suggested to him that in regard to having aided her, for example,
+they had differed very much. Somehow he coupled Tom Pinch with this
+train of reflection; and thinking that Tom would be very likely to have
+struck up the same sort of acquaintance under similar circumstances,
+began to think in what respects two people so extremely different were
+like each other, and were unlike him. At first sight there was nothing
+very distressing in these meditations, but they did undoubtedly distress
+him for all that.
+
+Martin's nature was a frank and generous one; but he had been bred up
+in his grandfather's house; and it will usually be found that the
+meaner domestic vices propagate themselves to be their own antagonists.
+Selfishness does this especially; so do suspicion, cunning, stealth, and
+covetous propensities. Martin had unconsciously reasoned as a child, 'My
+guardian takes so much thought of himself, that unless I do the like by
+MYself, I shall be forgotten.' So he had grown selfish.
+
+But he had never known it. If any one had taxed him with the vice, he
+would have indignantly repelled the accusation, and conceived himself
+unworthily aspersed. He never would have known it, but that being newly
+risen from a bed of dangerous sickness, to watch by such another couch,
+he felt how nearly Self had dropped into the grave, and what a poor
+dependent, miserable thing it was.
+
+It was natural for him to reflect--he had months to do it in--upon his
+own escape, and Mark's extremity. This led him to consider which of them
+could be the better spared, and why? Then the curtain slowly rose a very
+little way; and Self, Self, Self, was shown below.
+
+He asked himself, besides, when dreading Mark's decease (as all men do
+and must, at such a time), whether he had done his duty by him, and had
+deserved and made a good response to his fidelity and zeal. No. Short
+as their companionship had been, he felt in many, many instances, that
+there was blame against himself; and still inquiring why, the curtain
+slowly rose a little more, and Self, Self, Self, dilated on the scene.
+
+It was long before he fixed the knowledge of himself so firmly in his
+mind that he could thoroughly discern the truth; but in the hideous
+solitude of that most hideous place, with Hope so far removed, Ambition
+quenched, and Death beside him rattling at the very door, reflection
+came, as in a plague-beleaguered town; and so he felt and knew the
+failing of his life, and saw distinctly what an ugly spot it was.
+
+Eden was a hard school to learn so hard a lesson in; but there were
+teachers in the swamp and thicket, and the pestilential air, who had a
+searching method of their own.
+
+He made a solemn resolution that when his strength returned he would not
+dispute the point or resist the conviction, but would look upon it as an
+established fact, that selfishness was in his breast, and must be rooted
+out. He was so doubtful (and with justice) of his own character, that he
+determined not to say one word of vain regret or good resolve to Mark,
+but steadily to keep his purpose before his own eyes solely; and there
+was not a jot of pride in this; nothing but humility and steadfastness;
+the best armour he could wear. So low had Eden brought him down. So high
+had Eden raised him up.
+
+After a long and lingering illness (in certain forlorn stages of which,
+when too far gone to speak, he had feebly written 'jolly!' on a slate),
+Mark showed some symptoms of returning health. They came and went, and
+flickered for a time; but he began to mend at last decidedly; and after
+that continued to improve from day to day.
+
+As soon as he was well enough to talk without fatigue, Martin consulted
+him upon a project he had in his mind, and which a few months back he
+would have carried into execution without troubling anybody's head but
+his own.
+
+'Ours is a desperate case,' said Martin. 'Plainly. The place is
+deserted; its failure must have become known; and selling what we have
+bought to any one, for anything, is hopeless, even if it were honest. We
+left home on a mad enterprise, and have failed. The only hope left
+us, the only one end for which we have now to try, is to quit this
+settlement for ever, and get back to England. Anyhow! by any means! only
+to get back there, Mark.'
+
+'That's all, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, with a significant stress upon
+the words; 'only that!'
+
+'Now, upon this side of the water,' said Martin, 'we have but one friend
+who can help us, and that is Mr Bevan.'
+
+'I thought of him when you was ill,' said Mark.
+
+'But for the time that would be lost, I would even write to my
+grandfather,' Martin went on to say, 'and implore him for money to free
+us from this trap into which we were so cruelly decoyed. Shall I try Mr
+Bevan first?'
+
+'He's a very pleasant sort of a gentleman,' said Mark. 'I think so.'
+
+'The few goods we brought here, and in which we spent our money, would
+produce something if sold,' resumed Martin; 'and whatever they realise
+shall be paid him instantly. But they can't be sold here.'
+
+'There's nobody but corpses to buy 'em,' said Mr Tapley, shaking his
+head with a rueful air, 'and pigs.'
+
+'Shall I tell him so, and only ask him for money enough to enable us by
+the cheapest means to reach New York, or any port from which we may hope
+to get a passage home, by serving in any capacity? Explaining to him
+at the same time how I am connected, and that I will endeavour to
+repay him, even through my grandfather, immediately on our arrival in
+England?'
+
+'Why to be sure,' said Mark: 'he can only say no, and he may say yes. If
+you don't mind trying him, sir--'
+
+'Mind!' exclaimed Martin. 'I am to blame for coming here, and I would do
+anything to get away. I grieve to think of the past. If I had taken your
+opinion sooner, Mark, we never should have been here, I am certain.'
+
+Mr Tapley was very much surprised at this admission, but protested, with
+great vehemence, that they would have been there all the same; and that
+he had set his heart upon coming to Eden, from the first word he had
+ever heard of it.
+
+Martin then read him a letter to Mr Bevan, which he had already
+prepared. It was frankly and ingenuously written, and described their
+situation without the least concealment; plainly stated the miseries
+they had undergone; and preferred their request in modest but
+straightforward terms. Mark highly commended it; and they determined to
+dispatch it by the next steamboat going the right way, that might call
+to take in wood at Eden--where there was plenty of wood to spare.
+Not knowing how to address Mr Bevan at his own place of abode, Martin
+superscribed it to the care of the memorable Mr Norris of New York,
+and wrote upon the cover an entreaty that it might be forwarded without
+delay.
+
+More than a week elapsed before a boat appeared; but at length they were
+awakened very early one morning by the high-pressure snorting of
+the 'Esau Slodge;' named after one of the most remarkable men in the
+country, who had been very eminent somewhere. Hurrying down to the
+landing-place, they got it safe on board; and waiting anxiously to see
+the boat depart, stopped up the gangway; an instance of neglect which
+caused the 'Capting' of the Esau Slodge to 'wish he might be sifted fine
+as flour, and whittled small as chips; that if they didn't come off that
+there fixing right smart too, he'd spill 'em in the drink;' whereby the
+Capting metaphorically said he'd throw them in the river.
+
+They were not likely to receive an answer for eight or ten weeks at the
+earliest. In the meantime they devoted such strength as they had to
+the attempted improvement of their land; to clearing some of it, and
+preparing it for useful purposes. Monstrously defective as their farming
+was, still it was better than their neighbours'; for Mark had some
+practical knowledge of such matters, and Martin learned of him; whereas
+the other settlers who remained upon the putrid swamp (a mere handful,
+and those withered by disease), appeared to have wandered there with
+the idea that husbandry was the natural gift of all mankind. They helped
+each other after their own manner in these struggles, and in all others;
+but they worked as hopelessly and sadly as a gang of convicts in a penal
+settlement.
+
+Often at night when Mark and Martin were alone, and lying down to sleep,
+they spoke of home, familiar places, houses, roads, and people whom they
+knew; sometimes in the lively hope of seeing them again, and sometimes
+with a sorrowful tranquillity, as if that hope were dead. It was a
+source of great amazement to Mark Tapley to find, pervading all these
+conversations, a singular alteration in Martin.
+
+'I don't know what to make of him,' he thought one night, 'he ain't what
+I supposed. He don't think of himself half as much. I'll try him again.
+Asleep, sir?'
+
+'No, Mark.'
+
+'Thinking of home, sir?'
+
+'Yes, Mark.'
+
+'So was I, sir. I was wondering how Mr Pinch and Mr Pecksniff gets on
+now.'
+
+'Poor Tom!' said Martin, thoughtfully.
+
+'Weak-minded man, sir,' observed Mr Tapley. 'Plays the organ for
+nothing, sir. Takes no care of himself?'
+
+'I wish he took a little more, indeed,' said Martin. 'Though I don't
+know why I should. We shouldn't like him half as well, perhaps.'
+
+'He gets put upon, sir,' hinted Mark.
+
+'Yes!' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I know that, Mark.'
+
+He spoke so regretfully that his partner abandoned the theme, and was
+silent for a short time until he had thought of another.
+
+'Ah, sir!' said Mark, with a sigh. 'Dear me! You've ventured a good deal
+for a young lady's love!'
+
+'I tell you what. I'm not so sure of that, Mark,' was the reply; so
+hastily and energetically spoken, that Martin sat up in his bed to give
+it. 'I begin to be far from clear upon it. You may depend upon it she is
+very unhappy. She has sacrificed her peace of mind; she has endangered
+her interests very much; she can't run away from those who are jealous
+of her, and opposed to her, as I have done. She has to endure, Mark; to
+endure without the possibility of action, poor girl! I begin to think
+that she has more to bear than ever I had. Upon my soul I do!'
+
+Mr Tapley opened his eyes wide in the dark; but did not interrupt.
+
+'And I'll tell you a secret, Mark,' said Martin, 'since we ARE upon this
+subject. That ring--'
+
+'Which ring, sir?' Mark inquired, opening his eyes still wider.
+
+'That ring she gave me when we parted, Mark. She bought it; bought it;
+knowing I was poor and proud (Heaven help me! Proud!) and wanted money.'
+
+'Who says so, sir?' asked Mark.
+
+'I say so. I know it. I thought of it, my good fellow, hundreds of
+times, while you were lying ill. And like a beast, I took it from her
+hand, and wore it on my own, and never dreamed of this even at the
+moment when I parted with it, when some faint glimmering of the truth
+might surely have possessed me! But it's late,' said Martin, checking
+himself, 'and you are weak and tired, I know. You only talk to cheer me
+up. Good night! God bless you, Mark!'
+
+'God bless you, sir! But I'm reg'larly defrauded,' thought Mr Tapley,
+turning round with a happy face. 'It's a swindle. I never entered for
+this sort of service. There'll be no credit in being jolly with HIM!'
+
+The time wore on, and other steamboats coming from the point on which
+their hopes were fixed, arrived to take in wood; but still no answer
+to the letter. Rain, heat, foul slime, and noxious vapour, with all the
+ills and filthy things they bred, prevailed. The earth, the air, the
+vegetation, and the water that they drank, all teemed with deadly
+properties. Their fellow-passenger had lost two children long before;
+and buried now her last. Such things are much too common to be widely
+known or cared for. Smart citizens grow rich, and friendless victims
+smart and die, and are forgotten. That is all.
+
+At last a boat came panting up the ugly river, and stopped at Eden. Mark
+was waiting at the wood hut when it came, and had a letter handed to
+him from on board. He bore it off to Martin. They looked at one another,
+trembling.
+
+'It feels heavy,' faltered Martin. And opening it a little roll of
+dollar-notes fell out upon the ground.
+
+What either of them said, or did, or felt, at first, neither of them
+knew. All Mark could ever tell was, that he was at the river's bank
+again out of breath, before the boat had gone, inquiring when it would
+retrace its track and put in there.
+
+The answer was, in ten or twelve days; notwithstanding which they began
+to get their goods together and to tie them up that very night. When
+this stage of excitement was passed, each of them believed (they found
+this out, in talking of it afterwards) that he would surely die before
+the boat returned.
+
+They lived, however, and it came, after the lapse of three long crawling
+weeks. At sunrise, on an autumn day, they stood upon her deck.
+
+'Courage! We shall meet again!' cried Martin, waving his hand to two
+thin figures on the bank. 'In the Old World!'
+
+'Or in the next one,' added Mark below his breath. 'To see them standing
+side by side, so quiet, is a'most the worst of all!'
+
+They looked at one another as the vessel moved away, and then looked
+backward at the spot from which it hurried fast. The log-house, with the
+open door, and drooping trees about it; the stagnant morning mist, and
+red sun, dimly seen beyond; the vapour rising up from land and river;
+the quick stream making the loathsome banks it washed more flat and
+dull; how often they returned in dreams! How often it was happiness to
+wake and find them Shadows that had vanished!
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
+
+IN WHICH THE TRAVELLERS MOVE HOMEWARD, AND ENCOUNTER SOME DISTINGUISHED
+CHARACTERS UPON THE WAY
+
+
+Among the passengers on board the steamboat, there was a faint gentleman
+sitting on a low camp-stool, with his legs on a high barrel of flour, as
+if he were looking at the prospect with his ankles, who attracted their
+attention speedily.
+
+He had straight black hair, parted up the middle of his head and hanging
+down upon his coat; a little fringe of hair upon his chin; wore no
+neckcloth; a white hat; a suit of black, long in the sleeves and short
+in the legs; soiled brown stockings and laced shoes. His complexion,
+naturally muddy, was rendered muddier by too strict an economy of soap
+and water; and the same observation will apply to the washable part
+of his attire, which he might have changed with comfort to himself and
+gratification to his friends. He was about five and thirty; was crushed
+and jammed up in a heap, under the shade of a large green cotton
+umbrella; and ruminated over his tobacco-plug like a cow.
+
+He was not singular, to be sure, in these respects; for every gentleman
+on board appeared to have had a difference with his laundress and to
+have left off washing himself in early youth. Every gentleman, too,
+was perfectly stopped up with tight plugging, and was dislocated in
+the greater part of his joints. But about this gentleman there was a
+peculiar air of sagacity and wisdom, which convinced Martin that he was
+no common character; and this turned out to be the case.
+
+'How do you do sir?' said a voice in Martin's ear
+
+'How do you do sir?' said Martin.
+
+It was a tall thin gentleman who spoke to him, with a carpet-cap on,
+and a long loose coat of green baize, ornamented about the pockets with
+black velvet.
+
+'You air from Europe, sir?'
+
+'I am,' said Martin.
+
+'You air fortunate, sir.'
+
+Martin thought so too; but he soon discovered that the gentleman and he
+attached different meanings to this remark.
+
+'You air fortunate, sir, in having an opportunity of beholding our
+Elijah Pogram, sir.'
+
+'Your Elijahpogram!' said Martin, thinking it was all one word, and a
+building of some sort.
+
+'Yes sir.'
+
+Martin tried to look as if he understood him, but he couldn't make it
+out.
+
+'Yes, sir,' repeated the gentleman, 'our Elijah Pogram, sir, is, at this
+minute, identically settin' by the engine biler.'
+
+The gentleman under the umbrella put his right forefinger to his
+eyebrow, as if he were revolving schemes of state.
+
+'That is Elijah Pogram, is it?' said Martin.
+
+'Yes, sir,' replied the other. 'That is Elijah Pogram.'
+
+'Dear me!' said Martin. 'I am astonished.' But he had not the least idea
+who this Elijah Pogram was; having never heard the name in all his life.
+
+'If the biler of this vessel was Toe bust, sir,' said his new
+acquaintance, 'and Toe bust now, this would be a festival day in the
+calendar of despotism; pretty nigh equallin', sir, in its effects upon
+the human race, our Fourth of glorious July. Yes, sir, that is the
+Honourable Elijah Pogram, Member of Congress; one of the master-minds of
+our country, sir. There is a brow, sir, there!'
+
+'Quite remarkable,' said Martin.
+
+'Yes, sir. Our own immortal Chiggle, sir, is said to have observed,
+when he made the celebrated Pogram statter in marble, which rose so much
+con-test and preju-dice in Europe, that the brow was more than mortal.
+This was before the Pogram Defiance, and was, therefore, a pre-diction,
+cruel smart.'
+
+'What is the Pogram Defiance?' asked Martin, thinking, perhaps, it was
+the sign of a public-house.
+
+'An o-ration, sir,' returned his friend.
+
+'Oh! to be sure,' cried Martin. 'What am I thinking of! It defied--'
+
+'It defied the world, sir,' said the other, gravely. 'Defied the world
+in general to com-pete with our country upon any hook; and devellop'd
+our internal resources for making war upon the universal airth. You
+would like to know Elijah Pogram, sir?'
+
+'If you please,' said Martin.
+
+'Mr Pogram,' said the stranger--Mr Pogram having overheard every word of
+the dialogue--'this is a gentleman from Europe, sir; from England, sir.
+But gen'rous ene-mies may meet upon the neutral sile of private life, I
+think.'
+
+The languid Mr Pogram shook hands with Martin, like a clock-work figure
+that was just running down. But he made amends by chewing like one that
+was just wound up.
+
+'Mr Pogram,' said the introducer, 'is a public servant, sir. When
+Congress is recessed, he makes himself acquainted with those free United
+States, of which he is the gifted son.'
+
+It occurred to Martin that if the Honourable Elijah Pogram had stayed at
+home, and sent his shoes upon a tour, they would have answered the
+same purpose; for they were the only part of him in a situation to see
+anything.
+
+In course of time, however, Mr Pogram rose; and having ejected certain
+plugging consequences which would have impeded his articulation, took up
+a position where there was something to lean against, and began to talk
+to Martin; shading himself with the green umbrella all the time.
+
+As he began with the words, 'How do you like--?' Martin took him up and
+said:
+
+'The country, I presume?'
+
+'Yes, sir,' said Elijah Pogram. A knot of passengers gathered round to
+hear what followed; and Martin heard his friend say, as he whispered
+to another friend, and rubbed his hands, 'Pogram will smash him into
+sky-blue fits, I know!'
+
+'Why,' said Martin, after a moment's hesitation, 'I have learned by
+experience, that you take an unfair advantage of a stranger, when you
+ask that question. You don't mean it to be answered, except in one way.
+Now, I don't choose to answer it in that way, for I cannot honestly
+answer it in that way. And therefore, I would rather not answer it at
+all.'
+
+But Mr Pogram was going to make a great speech in the next session
+about foreign relations, and was going to write strong articles on the
+subject; and as he greatly favoured the free and independent custom (a
+very harmless and agreeable one) of procuring information of any sort
+in any kind of confidence, and afterwards perverting it publicly in any
+manner that happened to suit him, he had determined to get at Martin's
+opinions somehow or other. For if he could have got nothing out of
+him, he would have had to invent it for him, and that would have been
+laborious. He made a mental note of his answer, and went in again.
+
+'You are from Eden, sir? How did you like Eden?'
+
+Martin said what he thought of that part of the country, in pretty
+strong terms.
+
+'It is strange,' said Pogram, looking round upon the group, 'this hatred
+of our country, and her Institutions! This national antipathy is deeply
+rooted in the British mind!'
+
+'Good Heaven, sir,' cried Martin. 'Is the Eden Land Corporation, with Mr
+Scadder at its head, and all the misery it has worked, at its door, an
+Institution of America? A part of any form of government that ever was
+known or heard of?'
+
+'I con-sider the cause of this to be,' said Pogram, looking round again
+and taking himself up where Martin had interrupted him, 'partly jealousy
+and pre-judice, and partly the nat'ral unfitness of the British people
+to appreciate the ex-alted Institutions of our native land. I expect,
+sir,' turning to Martin again, 'that a gentleman named Chollop happened
+in upon you during your lo-cation in the town of Eden?'
+
+'Yes,' answered Martin; 'but my friend can answer this better than I
+can, for I was very ill at the time. Mark! The gentleman is speaking of
+Mr Chollop.'
+
+'Oh. Yes, sir. Yes. I see him,' observed Mark.
+
+'A splendid example of our na-tive raw material, sir?' said Pogram,
+interrogatively.
+
+'Indeed, sir!' cried Mark.
+
+The Honourable Elijah Pogram glanced at his friends as though he would
+have said, 'Observe this! See what follows!' and they rendered tribute
+to the Pogram genius by a gentle murmur.
+
+'Our fellow-countryman is a model of a man, quite fresh from Natur's
+mould!' said Pogram, with enthusiasm. 'He is a true-born child of this
+free hemisphere! Verdant as the mountains of our country; bright and
+flowing as our mineral Licks; unspiled by withering conventionalities
+as air our broad and boundless Perearers! Rough he may be. So air
+our Barrs. Wild he may be. So air our Buffalers. But he is a child of
+Natur', and a child of Freedom; and his boastful answer to the Despot
+and the Tyrant is, that his bright home is in the Settin Sun.'
+
+Part of this referred to Chollop, and part to a Western postmaster, who,
+being a public defaulter not very long before (a character not at all
+uncommon in America), had been removed from office; and on whose behalf
+Mr Pogram (he voted for Pogram) had thundered the last sentence from
+his seat in Congress, at the head of an unpopular President. It told
+brilliantly; for the bystanders were delighted, and one of them said to
+Martin, 'that he guessed he had now seen something of the eloquential
+aspect of our country, and was chawed up pritty small.'
+
+Mr Pogram waited until his hearers were calm again, before he said to
+Mark:
+
+'You do not seem to coincide, sir?'
+
+'Why,' said Mark, 'I didn't like him much; and that's the truth, sir. I
+thought he was a bully; and I didn't admire his carryin' them murderous
+little persuaders, and being so ready to use 'em.'
+
+'It's singler!' said Pogram, lifting his umbrella high enough to
+look all round from under it. 'It's strange! You observe the settled
+opposition to our Institutions which pervades the British mind!'
+
+'What an extraordinary people you are!' cried Martin. 'Are Mr Chollop
+and the class he represents, an Institution here? Are pistols with
+revolving barrels, sword-sticks, bowie-knives, and such things,
+Institutions on which you pride yourselves? Are bloody duels, brutal
+combats, savage assaults, shooting down and stabbing in the streets,
+your Institutions! Why, I shall hear next that Dishonour and Fraud are
+among the Institutions of the great republic!'
+
+The moment the words passed his lips, the Honourable Elijah Pogram
+looked round again.
+
+'This morbid hatred of our Institutions,' he observed, 'is quite a study
+for the psychological observer. He's alludin' to Repudiation now!'
+
+'Oh! you may make anything an Institution if you like,' said Martin,
+laughing, 'and I confess you had me there, for you certainly have made
+that one. But the greater part of these things are one Institution with
+us, and we call it by the generic name of Old Bailey!'
+
+The bell being rung for dinner at this moment, everybody ran away
+into the cabin, whither the Honourable Elijah Pogram fled with such
+precipitation that he forgot his umbrella was up, and fixed it so
+tightly in the cabin door that it could neither be let down nor got out.
+For a minute or so this accident created a perfect rebellion among the
+hungry passengers behind, who, seeing the dishes, and hearing the knives
+and forks at work, well knew what would happen unless they got there
+instantly, and were nearly mad; while several virtuous citizens at the
+table were in deadly peril of choking themselves in their unnatural
+efforts to get rid of all the meat before these others came.
+
+They carried the umbrella by storm, however, and rushed in at the
+breach. The Honourable Elijah Pogram and Martin found themselves, after
+a severe struggle, side by side, as they might have come together in the
+pit of a London theatre; and for four whole minutes afterwards, Pogram
+was snapping up great blocks of everything he could get hold of, like a
+raven. When he had taken this unusually protracted dinner, he began
+to talk to Martin; and begged him not to have the least delicacy in
+speaking with perfect freedom to him, for he was a calm philosopher.
+Which Martin was extremely glad to hear; for he had begun to speculate
+on Elijah being a disciple of that other school of republican
+philosophy, whose noble sentiments are carved with knives upon a pupil's
+body, and written, not with pen and ink, but tar and feathers.
+
+'What do you think of my countrymen who are present, sir?' inquired
+Elijah Pogram.
+
+'Oh! very pleasant,' said Martin.
+
+They were a very pleasant party. No man had spoken a word; every one had
+been intent, as usual, on his own private gorging; and the greater part
+of the company were decidedly dirty feeders.
+
+The Honourable Elijah Pogram looked at Martin as if he thought 'You
+don't mean that, I know!' and he was soon confirmed in this opinion.
+
+Sitting opposite to them was a gentleman in a high state of tobacco, who
+wore quite a little beard, composed of the overflowing of that weed, as
+they had dried about his mouth and chin; so common an ornament that it
+would scarcely have attracted Martin's observation, but that this good
+citizen, burning to assert his equality against all comers, sucked his
+knife for some moments, and made a cut with it at the butter, just as
+Martin was in the act of taking some. There was a juiciness about the
+deed that might have sickened a scavenger.
+
+When Elijah Pogram (to whom this was an every-day incident) saw that
+Martin put the plate away, and took no butter, he was quite delighted,
+and said,
+
+'Well! The morbid hatred of you British to the Institutions of our
+country is as-TONishing!'
+
+'Upon my life!' cried Martin, in his turn. 'This is the most wonderful
+community that ever existed. A man deliberately makes a hog of himself,
+and THAT'S an Institution!'
+
+'We have no time to ac-quire forms, sir,' said Elijah Pogram.
+
+'Acquire!' cried Martin. 'But it's not a question of acquiring anything.
+It's a question of losing the natural politeness of a savage, and that
+instinctive good breeding which admonishes one man not to offend and
+disgust another. Don't you think that man over the way, for instance,
+naturally knows better, but considers it a very fine and independent
+thing to be a brute in small matters?'
+
+'He is a na-tive of our country, and is nat'rally bright and spry, of
+course,' said Mr Pogram.
+
+'Now, observe what this comes to, Mr Pogram,' pursued Martin. 'The
+mass of your countrymen begin by stubbornly neglecting little social
+observances, which have nothing to do with gentility, custom, usage,
+government, or country, but are acts of common, decent, natural, human
+politeness. You abet them in this, by resenting all attacks upon their
+social offences as if they were a beautiful national feature. From
+disregarding small obligations they come in regular course to disregard
+great ones; and so refuse to pay their debts. What they may do, or what
+they may refuse to do next, I don't know; but any man may see if he
+will, that it will be something following in natural succession, and a
+part of one great growth, which is rotten at the root.'
+
+The mind of Mr Pogram was too philosophical to see this; so they went on
+deck again, where, resuming his former post, he chewed until he was in a
+lethargic state, amounting to insensibility.
+
+After a weary voyage of several days, they came again to that same wharf
+where Mark had been so nearly left behind, on the night of starting for
+Eden. Captain Kedgick, the landlord, was standing there, and was greatly
+surprised to see them coming from the boat.
+
+'Why, what the 'tarnal!' cried the Captain. 'Well! I do admire at this,
+I do!'
+
+'We can stay at your house until to-morrow, Captain, I suppose?' said
+Martin.
+
+'I reckon you can stay there for a twelvemonth if you like,' retorted
+Kedgick coolly. 'But our people won't best like your coming back.'
+
+'Won't like it, Captain Kedgick!' said Martin.
+
+'They did expect you was a-going to settle,' Kedgick answered, as he
+shook his head. 'They've been took in, you can't deny!'
+
+'What do you mean?' cried Martin.
+
+'You didn't ought to have received 'em,' said the Captain. 'No you
+didn't!'
+
+'My good friend,' returned Martin, 'did I want to receive them? Was
+it any act of mine? Didn't you tell me they would rile up, and that I
+should be flayed like a wild cat--and threaten all kinds of vengeance,
+if I didn't receive them?'
+
+'I don't know about that,' returned the Captain. 'But when our people's
+frills is out, they're starched up pretty stiff, I tell you!'
+
+With that, he fell into the rear to walk with Mark, while Martin and
+Elijah Pogram went on to the National.
+
+'We've come back alive, you see!' said Mark.
+
+'It ain't the thing I did expect,' the Captain grumbled. 'A man ain't
+got no right to be a public man, unless he meets the public views. Our
+fashionable people wouldn't have attended his le-vee, if they had know'd
+it.'
+
+Nothing mollified the Captain, who persisted in taking it very ill
+that they had not both died in Eden. The boarders at the National felt
+strongly on the subject too; but it happened by good fortune that they
+had not much time to think about this grievance, for it was suddenly
+determined to pounce upon the Honourable Elijah Pogram, and give HIM a
+le-vee forthwith.
+
+As the general evening meal of the house was over before the arrival of
+the boat, Martin, Mark, and Pogram were taking tea and fixings at the
+public table by themselves, when the deputation entered to announce this
+honour; consisting of six gentlemen boarders and a very shrill boy.
+
+'Sir!' said the spokesman.
+
+'Mr Pogram!' cried the shrill boy.
+
+The spokesman thus reminded of the shrill boy's presence, introduced
+him. 'Doctor Ginery Dunkle, sir. A gentleman of great poetical elements.
+He has recently jined us here, sir, and is an acquisition to us, sir,
+I do assure you. Yes, sir. Mr Jodd, sir. Mr Izzard, sir. Mr Julius Bib,
+sir.'
+
+'Julius Washington Merryweather Bib,' said the gentleman himself TO
+himself.
+
+'I beg your pardon, sir. Excuse me. Mr Julius Washington Merryweather
+Bib, sir; a gentleman in the lumber line, sir, and much esteemed.
+Colonel Groper, sir. Pro-fessor Piper, sir. My own name, sir, is Oscar
+Buffum.'
+
+Each man took one slide forward as he was named; butted at the
+Honourable Elijah Pogram with his head; shook hands, and slid back
+again. The introductions being completed, the spokesman resumed.
+
+'Sir!'
+
+'Mr Pogram!' cried the shrill boy.
+
+'Perhaps,' said the spokesman, with a hopeless look, 'you will be so
+good, Dr. Ginery Dunkle, as to charge yourself with the execution of our
+little office, sir?'
+
+As there was nothing the shrill boy desired more, he immediately stepped
+forward.
+
+'Mr Pogram! Sir! A handful of your fellow-citizens, sir, hearing of your
+arrival at the National Hotel, and feeling the patriotic character of
+your public services, wish, sir, to have the gratification of beholding
+you, and mixing with you, sir; and unbending with you, sir, in those
+moments which--'
+
+'Air,' suggested Buffum.
+
+'Which air so peculiarly the lot, sir, of our great and happy country.'
+
+'Hear!' cried Colonel Grouper, in a loud voice. 'Good! Hear him! Good!'
+
+'And therefore, sir,' pursued the Doctor, 'they request; as A mark Of
+their respect; the honour of your company at a little le-Vee, sir, in
+the ladies' ordinary, at eight o'clock.'
+
+Mr Pogram bowed, and said:
+
+'Fellow countrymen!'
+
+'Good!' cried the Colonel. 'Hear, him! Good!'
+
+Mr Pogram bowed to the Colonel individually, and then resumed.
+
+'Your approbation of My labours in the common cause goes to My heart. At
+all times and in all places; in the ladies' ordinary, My friends, and in
+the Battle Field--'
+
+'Good, very good! Hear him! Hear him!' said the Colonel.
+
+'The name of Pogram will be proud to jine you. And may it, My friends,
+be written on My tomb, "He was a member of the Congress of our common
+country, and was ac-Tive in his trust."'
+
+'The Com-mittee, sir,' said the shrill boy, 'will wait upon you at five
+minutes afore eight. I take My leave, sir!'
+
+Mr Pogram shook hands with him, and everybody else, once more; and when
+they came back again at five minutes before eight, they said, one by
+one, in a melancholy voice, 'How do you do, sir?' and shook hands with
+Mr Pogram all over again, as if he had been abroad for a twelvemonth in
+the meantime, and they met, now, at a funeral.
+
+But by this time Mr Pogram had freshened himself up, and had composed
+his hair and features after the Pogram statue, so that any one with half
+an eye might cry out, 'There he is! as he delivered the Defiance!'
+The Committee were embellished also; and when they entered the ladies'
+ordinary in a body, there was much clapping of hands from ladies and
+gentlemen, accompanied by cries of 'Pogram! Pogram!' and some standing
+up on chairs to see him.
+
+The object of the popular caress looked round the room as he walked up
+it, and smiled; at the same time observing to the shrill boy, that he
+knew something of the beauty of the daughters of their common country,
+but had never seen it in such lustre and perfection as at that moment.
+Which the shrill boy put in the paper next day; to Elijah Pogram's great
+surprise.
+
+'We will re-quest you, sir, if you please,' said Buffum, laying hands on
+Mr Pogram as if he were taking his measure for a coat, 'to stand up with
+your back agin the wall right in the furthest corner, that there may
+be more room for our fellow citizens. If you could set your back right
+slap agin that curtain-peg, sir, keeping your left leg everlastingly
+behind the stove, we should be fixed quite slick.'
+
+Mr Pogram did as he was told, and wedged himself into such a little
+corner that the Pogram statue wouldn't have known him.
+
+The entertainments of the evening then began. Gentlemen brought ladies
+up, and brought themselves up, and brought each other up; and asked
+Elijah Pogram what he thought of this political question, and what
+he thought of that; and looked at him, and looked at one another, and
+seemed very unhappy indeed. The ladies on the chairs looked at Elijah
+Pogram through their glasses, and said audibly, 'I wish he'd speak.
+Why don't he speak? Oh, do ask him to speak!' And Elijah Pogram looked
+sometimes at the ladies and sometimes elsewhere, delivering senatorial
+opinions, as he was asked for them. But the great end and object of the
+meeting seemed to be, not to let Elijah Pogram out of the corner on any
+account; so there they kept him, hard and fast.
+
+A great bustle at the door, in the course of the evening, announced the
+arrival of some remarkable person; and immediately afterwards an elderly
+gentleman, much excited, was seen to precipitate himself upon the crowd,
+and battle his way towards the Honourable Elijah Pogram. Martin, who had
+found a snug place of observation in a distant corner, where he
+stood with Mark beside him (for he did not so often forget him now
+as formerly, though he still did sometimes), thought he knew this
+gentleman, but had no doubt of it, when he cried as loud as he could,
+with his eyes starting out of his head:
+
+'Sir, Mrs Hominy!'
+
+'Lord bless that woman, Mark. She has turned up again!'
+
+'Here she comes, sir,' answered Mr Tapley. 'Pogram knows her. A public
+character! Always got her eye upon her country, sir! If that there
+lady's husband is of my opinion, what a jolly old gentleman he must be!'
+
+A lane was made; and Mrs Hominy, with the aristocratic stalk, the pocket
+handkerchief, the clasped hands, and the classical cap, came slowly up
+it, in a procession of one. Mr Pogram testified emotions of delight on
+seeing her, and a general hush prevailed. For it was known that when
+a woman like Mrs Hominy encountered a man like Pogram, something
+interesting must be said.
+
+Their first salutations were exchanged in a voice too low to reach the
+impatient ears of the throng; but they soon became audible, for Mrs
+Hominy felt her position, and knew what was expected of her.
+
+Mrs H. was hard upon him at first; and put him through a rigid catechism
+in reference to a certain vote he had given, which she had found it
+necessary, as the mother of the modern Gracchi, to deprecate in a line
+by itself, set up expressly for the purpose in German text. But Mr
+Pogram evading it by a well-timed allusion to the star-spangled banner,
+which, it appeared, had the remarkable peculiarity of flouting the
+breeze whenever it was hoisted where the wind blew, she forgave him.
+They now enlarged on certain questions of tariff, commercial treaty,
+boundary, importation and exportation with great effect. And Mrs Hominy
+not only talked, as the saying is, like a book, but actually did talk
+her own books, word for word.
+
+'My! what is this!' cried Mrs Hominy, opening a little note which was
+handed her by her excited gentleman-usher. 'Do tell! oh, well, now! on'y
+think!'
+
+And then she read aloud, as follows:
+
+'Two literary ladies present their compliments to the mother of the
+modern Gracchi, and claim her kind introduction, as their talented
+countrywoman, to the honourable (and distinguished) Elijah Pogram, whom
+the two L. L.'s have often contemplated in the speaking marble of the
+soul-subduing Chiggle. On a verbal intimation from the mother of the M.
+G., that she will comply with the request of the two L. L.'s, they will
+have the immediate pleasure of joining the galaxy assembled to do honour
+to the patriotic conduct of a Pogram. It may be another bond of union
+between the two L. L.'s and the mother of the M. G. to observe, that the
+two L. L.'s are Transcendental.'
+
+Mrs Hominy promptly rose, and proceeded to the door, whence she
+returned, after a minute's interval, with the two L. L.'s, whom she led,
+through the lane in the crowd, with all that stateliness of deportment
+which was so remarkably her own, up to the great Elijah Pogram. It was
+(as the shrill boy cried out in an ecstasy) quite the Last Scene from
+Coriolanus. One of the L. L.'s wore a brown wig of uncommon size.
+Sticking on the forehead of the other, by invisible means, was a massive
+cameo, in size and shape like the raspberry tart which is ordinarily
+sold for a penny, representing on its front the Capitol at Washington.
+
+'Miss Toppit, and Miss Codger!' said Mrs Hominy.
+
+'Codger's the lady so often mentioned in the English newspapers I should
+think, sir,' whispered Mark. 'The oldest inhabitant as never remembers
+anything.'
+
+'To be presented to a Pogram,' said Miss Codger, 'by a Hominy, indeed,
+a thrilling moment is it in its impressiveness on what we call our
+feelings. But why we call them so, or why impressed they are, or if
+impressed they are at all, or if at all we are, or if there really is,
+oh gasping one! a Pogram or a Hominy, or any active principle to which
+we give those titles, is a topic, Spirit searching, light abandoned,
+much too vast to enter on, at this unlooked-for crisis.'
+
+'Mind and matter,' said the lady in the wig, 'glide swift into the
+vortex of immensity. Howls the sublime, and softly sleeps the calm
+Ideal, in the whispering chambers of Imagination. To hear it, sweet
+it is. But then, outlaughs the stern philosopher, and saith to the
+Grotesque, "What ho! arrest for me that Agency. Go, bring it here!" And
+so the vision fadeth.'
+
+After this, they both took Mr Pogram by the hand, and pressed it to
+their lips, as a patriotic palm. That homage paid, the mother of the
+modern Gracchi called for chairs, and the three literary ladies went to
+work in earnest, to bring poor Pogram out, and make him show himself in
+all his brilliant colours.
+
+How Pogram got out of his depth instantly, and how the three L. L.'s
+were never in theirs, is a piece of history not worth recording. Suffice
+it, that being all four out of their depths, and all unable to swim,
+they splashed up words in all directions, and floundered about famously.
+On the whole, it was considered to have been the severest mental
+exercise ever heard in the National Hotel. Tears stood in the shrill
+boy's eyes several times; and the whole company observed that their
+heads ached with the effort--as well they might.
+
+When it at last became necessary to release Elijah Pogram from the
+corner, and the Committee saw him safely back again to the next room,
+they were fervent in their admiration.
+
+'Which,' said Mr Buffum, 'must have vent, or it will bust. Toe you,
+Mr Pogram, I am grateful. Toe-wards you, sir, I am inspired with lofty
+veneration, and with deep e-mo-tion. The sentiment Toe which I would
+propose to give ex-pression, sir, is this: "May you ever be as firm,
+sir, as your marble statter! May it ever be as great a terror Toe its
+ene-mies as you."'
+
+There is some reason to suppose that it was rather terrible to its
+friends; being a statue of the Elevated or Goblin School, in which the
+Honourable Elijah Pogram was represented as in a very high wind, with
+his hair all standing on end, and his nostrils blown wide open. But Mr
+Pogram thanked his friend and countryman for the aspiration to which he
+had given utterance, and the Committee, after another solemn shaking of
+hands, retired to bed, except the Doctor; who immediately repaired to
+the newspaper-office, and there wrote a short poem suggested by the
+events of the evening, beginning with fourteen stars, and headed, 'A
+Fragment. Suggested by witnessing the Honourable Elijah Pogram engaged
+in a philosophical disputation with three of Columbia's fairest
+daughters. By Doctor Ginery Dunkle. Of Troy.'
+
+If Pogram was as glad to get to bed as Martin was, he must have been
+well rewarded for his labours. They started off again next day (Martin
+and Mark previously disposing of their goods to the storekeepers of whom
+they had purchased them, for anything they would bring), and were fellow
+travellers to within a short distance of New York. When Pogram was about
+to leave them he grew thoughtful, and after pondering for some time,
+took Martin aside.
+
+'We air going to part, sir,' said Pogram.
+
+'Pray don't distress yourself,' said Martin; 'we must bear it.'
+
+'It ain't that, sir,' returned Pogram, 'not at all. But I should wish
+you to accept a copy of My oration.'
+
+'Thank you,' said Martin, 'you are very good. I shall be most happy.'
+
+'It ain't quite that, sir, neither,' resumed Pogram; 'air you bold
+enough to introduce a copy into your country?'
+
+'Certainly,' said Martin. 'Why not?'
+
+'Its sentiments air strong, sir,' hinted Pogram, darkly.
+
+'That makes no difference,' said Martin. 'I'll take a dozen if you
+like.'
+
+'No, sir,' retorted Pogram. 'Not A dozen. That is more than I require.
+If you are content to run the hazard, sir, here is one for your Lord
+Chancellor,' producing it, 'and one for Your principal Secretary of
+State. I should wish them to see it, sir, as expressing what my opinions
+air. That they may not plead ignorance at a future time. But don't get
+into danger, sir, on my account!'
+
+'There is not the least danger, I assure you,' said Martin. So he put
+the pamphlets in his pocket, and they parted.
+
+Mr Bevan had written in his letter that, at a certain time, which fell
+out happily just then, he would be at a certain hotel in the city,
+anxiously expecting to see them. To this place they repaired without a
+moment's delay. They had the satisfaction of finding him within; and of
+being received by their good friend, with his own warmth and heartiness.
+
+'I am truly sorry and ashamed,' said Martin, 'to have begged of you. But
+look at us. See what we are, and judge to what we are reduced!'
+
+'So far from claiming to have done you any service,' returned the other,
+'I reproach myself with having been, unwittingly, the original cause
+of your misfortunes. I no more supposed you would go to Eden on such
+representations as you received; or, indeed, that you would do anything
+but be dispossessed, by the readiest means, of your idea that fortunes
+were so easily made here; than I thought of going to Eden myself.'
+
+'The fact is, I closed with the thing in a mad and sanguine manner,'
+said Martin, 'and the less said about it the better for me. Mark, here,
+hadn't a voice in the matter.'
+
+'Well! but he hadn't a voice in any other matter, had he?' returned Mr
+Bevan; laughing with an air that showed his understanding of Mark and
+Martin too.
+
+'Not a very powerful one, I am afraid,' said Martin with a blush. 'But
+live and learn, Mr Bevan! Nearly die and learn; we learn the quicker.'
+
+'Now,' said their friend, 'about your plans. You mean to return home at
+once?'
+
+'Oh, I think so,' returned Martin hastily, for he turned pale at the
+thought of any other suggestion. 'That is your opinion too, I hope?'
+
+'Unquestionably. For I don't know why you ever came here; though it's
+not such an unusual case, I am sorry to say, that we need go any farther
+into that. You don't know that the ship in which you came over with our
+friend General Fladdock, is in port, of course?'
+
+'Indeed!' said Martin.
+
+'Yes. And is advertised to sail to-morrow.'
+
+This was tempting news, but tantalising too; for Martin knew that his
+getting any employment on board a ship of that class was hopeless. The
+money in his pocket would not pay one-fourth of the sum he had already
+borrowed, and if it had been enough for their passage-money, he could
+hardly have resolved to spend it. He explained this to Mr Bevan, and
+stated what their project was.
+
+'Why, that's as wild as Eden every bit,' returned his friend. 'You must
+take your passage like a Christian; at least, as like a Christian as a
+fore-cabin passenger can; and owe me a few more dollars than you intend.
+If Mark will go down to the ship and see what passengers there are,
+and finds that you can go in her without being actually suffocated, my
+advice is, go! You and I will look about us in the meantime (we won't
+call at the Norris's unless you like), and we will all three dine
+together in the afternoon.'
+
+Martin had nothing to express but gratitude, and so it was arranged.
+But he went out of the room after Mark, and advised him to take their
+passage in the Screw, though they lay upon the bare deck; which Mr
+Tapley, who needed no entreaty on the subject readily promised to do.
+
+When he and Martin met again, and were alone, he was in high spirits,
+and evidently had something to communicate, in which he gloried very
+much.
+
+'I've done Mr Bevan, sir,' said Mark.
+
+'Done Mr Bevan!' repeated Martin.
+
+'The cook of the Screw went and got married yesterday, sir,' said Mr
+Tapley.
+
+Martin looked at him for farther explanation.
+
+'And when I got on board, and the word was passed that it was me,' said
+Mark, 'the mate he comes and asks me whether I'd engage to take this
+said cook's place upon the passage home. "For you're used to it," he
+says; "you were always a-cooking for everybody on your passage out."
+And so I was,' said Mark, 'although I never cooked before, I'll take my
+oath.'
+
+'What did you say?' demanded Martin.
+
+'Say!' cried Mark. 'That I'd take anything I could get. "If that's
+so," says the mate, "why, bring a glass of rum;" which they brought
+according. And my wages, sir,' said Mark in high glee, 'pays your
+passage; and I've put the rolling-pin in your berth to take it (it's
+the easy one up in the corner); and there we are, Rule Britannia, and
+Britons strike home!'
+
+'There never was such a good fellow as you are!' cried Martin seizing
+him by the hand. 'But what do you mean by "doing" Mr Bevan, Mark?'
+
+'Why, don't you see?' said Mark. 'We don't tell him, you know. We take
+his money, but we don't spend it, and we don't keep it. What we do is,
+write him a little note, explaining this engagement, and roll it up,
+and leave it at the bar, to be given to him after we are gone. Don't you
+see?'
+
+Martin's delight in this idea was not inferior to Mark's. It was all
+done as he proposed. They passed a cheerful evening; slept at the hotel;
+left the letter as arranged; and went off to the ship betimes next
+morning, with such light hearts as the weight of their past miseries
+engendered.
+
+'Good-bye! a hundred thousand times good-bye!' said Martin to their
+friend. 'How shall I remember all your kindness! How shall I ever thank
+you!'
+
+'If you ever become a rich man, or a powerful one,' returned his friend,
+'you shall try to make your Government more careful of its subjects when
+they roam abroad to live. Tell it what you know of emigration in your
+own case, and impress upon it how much suffering may be prevented with a
+little pains!'
+
+Cheerily, lads, cheerily! Anchor weighed. Ship in full sail. Her sturdy
+bowsprit pointing true to England. America a cloud upon the sea behind
+them!
+
+'Why, Cook! what are you thinking of so steadily?' said Martin.
+
+'Why, I was a-thinking, sir,' returned Mark, 'that if I was a painter
+and was called upon to paint the American Eagle, how should I do it?'
+
+'Paint it as like an Eagle as you could, I suppose.'
+
+'No,' said Mark. 'That wouldn't do for me, sir. I should want to draw it
+like a Bat, for its short-sightedness; like a Bantam, for its bragging;
+like a Magpie, for its honesty; like a Peacock, for its vanity; like a
+ostrich, for its putting its head in the mud, and thinking nobody sees
+it--'
+
+'And like a Phoenix, for its power of springing from the ashes of its
+faults and vices, and soaring up anew into the sky!' said Martin. 'Well,
+Mark. Let us hope so.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
+
+ARRIVING IN ENGLAND, MARTIN WITNESSES A CEREMONY, FROM WHICH HE DERIVES
+THE CHEERING INFORMATION THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN FORGOTTEN IN HIS ABSENCE
+
+
+It was mid-day, and high water in the English port for which the Screw
+was bound, when, borne in gallantly upon the fullness of the tide, she
+let go her anchor in the river.
+
+Bright as the scene was; fresh, and full of motion; airy, free, and
+sparkling; it was nothing to the life and exultation in the breasts of
+the two travellers, at sight of the old churches, roofs, and darkened
+chimney stacks of Home. The distant roar that swelled up hoarsely from
+the busy streets, was music in their ears; the lines of people gazing
+from the wharves, were friends held dear; the canopy of smoke that
+overhung the town was brighter and more beautiful to them than if the
+richest silks of Persia had been waving in the air. And though the water
+going on its glistening track, turned, ever and again, aside to dance
+and sparkle round great ships, and heave them up; and leaped from off
+the blades of oars, a shower of diving diamonds; and wantoned with
+the idle boats, and swiftly passed, in many a sportive chase, through
+obdurate old iron rings, set deep into the stone-work of the quays;
+not even it was half so buoyant, and so restless, as their fluttering
+hearts, when yearning to set foot, once more, on native ground.
+
+A year had passed since those same spires and roofs had faded from their
+eyes. It seemed to them, a dozen years. Some trifling changes, here
+and there, they called to mind; and wondered that they were so few and
+slight. In health and fortune, prospect and resource, they came back
+poorer men than they had gone away. But it was home. And though home is
+a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke,
+or spirit answered to, in strongest conjuration.
+
+Being set ashore, with very little money in their pockets, and no
+definite plan of operation in their heads, they sought out a cheap
+tavern, where they regaled upon a smoking steak, and certain flowing
+mugs of beer, as only men just landed from the sea can revel in
+the generous dainties of the earth. When they had feasted, as two
+grateful-tempered giants might have done, they stirred the fire, drew
+back the glowing curtain from the window, and making each a sofa for
+himself, by union of the great unwieldy chairs, gazed blissfully into
+the street.
+
+Even the street was made a fairy street, by being half hidden in an
+atmosphere of steak, and strong, stout, stand-up English beer. For on
+the window-glass hung such a mist, that Mr Tapley was obliged to rise
+and wipe it with his handkerchief, before the passengers appeared like
+common mortals. And even then, a spiral little cloud went curling up
+from their two glasses of hot grog, which nearly hid them from each
+other.
+
+It was one of those unaccountable little rooms which are never seen
+anywhere but in a tavern, and are supposed to have got into taverns by
+reason of the facilities afforded to the architect for getting drunk
+while engaged in their construction. It had more corners in it than the
+brain of an obstinate man; was full of mad closets, into which nothing
+could be put that was not specially invented and made for that purpose;
+had mysterious shelvings and bulkheads, and indications of staircases in
+the ceiling; and was elaborately provided with a bell that rung in
+the room itself, about two feet from the handle, and had no connection
+whatever with any other part of the establishment. It was a little
+below the pavement, and abutted close upon it; so that passengers grated
+against the window-panes with their buttons, and scraped it with their
+baskets; and fearful boys suddenly coming between a thoughtful guest
+and the light, derided him, or put out their tongues as if he were a
+physician; or made white knobs on the ends of their noses by flattening
+the same against the glass, and vanished awfully, like spectres.
+
+Martin and Mark sat looking at the people as they passed, debating every
+now and then what their first step should be.
+
+'We want to see Miss Mary, of course,' said Mark.
+
+'Of course,' said Martin. 'But I don't know where she is. Not having had
+the heart to write in our distress--you yourself thought silence most
+advisable--and consequently, never having heard from her since we left
+New York the first time, I don't know where she is, my good fellow.'
+
+'My opinion is, sir,' returned Mark, 'that what we've got to do is to
+travel straight to the Dragon. There's no need for you to go there,
+where you're known, unless you like. You may stop ten mile short of it.
+I'll go on. Mrs Lupin will tell me all the news. Mr Pinch will give me
+every information that we want; and right glad Mr Pinch will be to do
+it. My proposal is: To set off walking this afternoon. To stop when we
+are tired. To get a lift when we can. To walk when we can't. To do it at
+once, and do it cheap.'
+
+'Unless we do it cheap, we shall have some difficulty in doing it at
+all,' said Martin, pulling out the bank, and telling it over in his
+hand.
+
+'The greater reason for losing no time, sir,' replied Mark. 'Whereas,
+when you've seen the young lady; and know what state of mind the old
+gentleman's in, and all about it; then you'll know what to do next.'
+
+'No doubt,' said Martin. 'You are quite right.'
+
+They were raising their glasses to their lips, when their hands stopped
+midway, and their gaze was arrested by a figure which slowly, very
+slowly, and reflectively, passed the window at that moment.
+
+Mr Pecksniff. Placid, calm, but proud. Honestly proud. Dressed with
+peculiar care, smiling with even more than usual blandness, pondering
+on the beauties of his art with a mild abstraction from all sordid
+thoughts, and gently travelling across the disc, as if he were a figure
+in a magic lantern.
+
+As Mr Pecksniff passed, a person coming in the opposite direction
+stopped to look after him with great interest and respect, almost with
+veneration; and the landlord bouncing out of the house, as if he had
+seen him too, joined this person, and spoke to him, and shook his head
+gravely, and looked after Mr Pecksniff likewise.
+
+Martin and Mark sat staring at each other, as if they could not believe
+it; but there stood the landlord, and the other man still. In spite of
+the indignation with which this glimpse of Mr Pecksniff had inspired
+him, Martin could not help laughing heartily. Neither could Mark.
+
+'We must inquire into this!' said Martin. 'Ask the landlord in, Mark.'
+
+Mr Tapley retired for that purpose, and immediately returned with their
+large-headed host in safe convoy.
+
+'Pray, landlord!' said Martin, 'who is that gentleman who passed just
+now, and whom you were looking after?'
+
+The landlord poked the fire as if, in his desire to make the most of
+his answer, he had become indifferent even to the price of coals; and
+putting his hands in his pockets, said, after inflating himself to give
+still further effect to his reply:
+
+'That, gentlemen, is the great Mr Pecksniff! The celebrated architect,
+gentlemen!'
+
+He looked from one to the other while he said it, as if he were ready to
+assist the first man who might be overcome by the intelligence.
+
+'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen.' said the
+landlord, 'has come down here, to help to lay the first stone of a new
+and splendid public building.'
+
+'Is it to be built from his designs?' asked Martin.
+
+'The great Mr Pecksniff, the celebrated architect, gentlemen,'
+returned the landlord, who seemed to have an unspeakable delight in
+the repetition of these words, 'carried off the First Premium, and will
+erect the building.'
+
+'Who lays the stone?' asked Martin.
+
+'Our member has come down express,' returned the landlord. 'No scrubs
+would do for no such a purpose. Nothing less would satisfy our Directors
+than our member in the House of Commons, who is returned upon the
+Gentlemanly Interest.'
+
+'Which interest is that?' asked Martin.
+
+'What, don't you know!' returned the landlord.
+
+It was quite clear the landlord didn't. They always told him at election
+time, that it was the Gentlemanly side, and he immediately put on his
+top-boots, and voted for it.
+
+'When does the ceremony take place?' asked Martin.
+
+'This day,' replied the landlord. Then pulling out his watch, he added,
+impressively, 'almost this minute.'
+
+Martin hastily inquired whether there was any possibility of getting
+in to witness it; and finding that there would be no objection to the
+admittance of any decent person, unless indeed the ground were full,
+hurried off with Mark, as hard as they could go.
+
+They were fortunate enough to squeeze themselves into a famous corner on
+the ground, where they could see all that passed, without much dread of
+being beheld by Mr Pecksniff in return. They were not a minute too soon,
+for as they were in the act of congratulating each other, a great noise
+was heard at some distance, and everybody looked towards the gate.
+Several ladies prepared their pocket handkerchiefs for waving; and a
+stray teacher belonging to the charity school being much cheered by
+mistake, was immensely groaned at when detected.
+
+'Perhaps he has Tom Pinch with him,' Martin whispered Mr Tapley.
+
+'It would be rather too much of a treat for him, wouldn't it, sir?'
+whispered Mr Tapley in return.
+
+There was no time to discuss the probabilities either way, for the
+charity school, in clean linen, came filing in two and two, so much to
+the self-approval of all the people present who didn't subscribe to
+it, that many of them shed tears. A band of music followed, led by
+a conscientious drummer who never left off. Then came a great many
+gentlemen with wands in their hands, and bows on their breasts, whose
+share in the proceedings did not appear to be distinctly laid down, and
+who trod upon each other, and blocked up the entry for a considerable
+period. These were followed by the Mayor and Corporation, all clustering
+round the member for the Gentlemanly Interest; who had the great Mr
+Pecksniff, the celebrated architect on his right hand, and conversed
+with him familiarly as they came along. Then the ladies waved their
+handkerchiefs, and the gentlemen their hats, and the charity children
+shrieked, and the member for the Gentlemanly Interest bowed.
+
+Silence being restored, the member for the Gentlemanly Interest rubbed
+his hands, and wagged his head, and looked about him pleasantly; and
+there was nothing this member did, at which some lady or other did not
+burst into an ecstatic waving of her pocket handkerchief. When he looked
+up at the stone, they said how graceful! when he peeped into the hole,
+they said how condescending! when he chatted with the Mayor, they
+said how easy! when he folded his arms they cried with one accord, how
+statesman-like!
+
+Mr Pecksniff was observed too, closely. When he talked to the Mayor,
+they said, Oh, really, what a courtly man he was! When he laid his
+hand upon the mason's shoulder, giving him directions, how pleasant his
+demeanour to the working classes; just the sort of man who made their
+toil a pleasure to them, poor dear souls!
+
+But now a silver trowel was brought; and when the member for the
+Gentlemanly Interest, tucking up his coat-sleeve, did a little sleight
+of hand with the mortar, the air was rent, so loud was the applause.
+The workman-like manner in which he did it was amazing. No one could
+conceive where such a gentlemanly creature could have picked the
+knowledge up.
+
+When he had made a kind of dirt-pie under the direction of the mason,
+they brought a little vase containing coins, the which the member
+for the Gentlemanly Interest jingled, as if he were going to conjure.
+Whereat they said how droll, how cheerful, what a flow of spirits! This
+put into its place, an ancient scholar read the inscription, which
+was in Latin; not in English; that would never do. It gave great
+satisfaction; especially every time there was a good long substantive
+in the third declension, ablative case, with an adjective to match; at
+which periods the assembly became very tender, and were much affected.
+
+And now the stone was lowered down into its place, amidst the shouting
+of the concourse. When it was firmly fixed, the member for the
+Gentlemanly Interest struck upon it thrice with the handle of the
+trowel, as if inquiring, with a touch of humour, whether anybody was at
+home. Mr Pecksniff then unrolled his Plans (prodigious plans they were),
+and people gathered round to look at and admire them.
+
+Martin, who had been fretting himself--quite unnecessarily, as Mark
+thought--during the whole of these proceedings, could no longer restrain
+his impatience; but stepping forward among several others, looked
+straight over the shoulder of the unconscious Mr Pecksniff, at the
+designs and plans he had unrolled. He returned to Mark, boiling with
+rage.
+
+'Why, what's the matter, sir?' cried Mark.
+
+'Matter! This is MY building.'
+
+'Your building, sir!' said Mark.
+
+'My grammar-school. I invented it. I did it all. He has only put four
+windows in, the villain, and spoilt it!'
+
+Mark could hardly believe it at first, but being assured that it was
+really so, actually held him to prevent his interference foolishly,
+until his temporary heat was past. In the meantime, the member addressed
+the company on the gratifying deed which he had just performed.
+
+He said that since he had sat in Parliament to represent the Gentlemanly
+Interest of that town; and he might add, the Lady Interest, he hoped,
+besides (pocket handkerchiefs); it had been his pleasant duty to come
+among them, and to raise his voice on their behalf in Another Place
+(pocket handkerchiefs and laughter), often. But he had never come among
+them, and had never raised his voice, with half such pure, such deep,
+such unalloyed delight, as now. 'The present occasion,' he said, 'will
+ever be memorable to me; not only for the reasons I have assigned, but
+because it has afforded me an opportunity of becoming personally known
+to a gentleman--'
+
+Here he pointed the trowel at Mr Pecksniff, who was greeted with
+vociferous cheering, and laid his hand upon his heart.
+
+'To a gentleman who, I am happy to believe, will reap both distinction
+and profit from this field; whose fame had previously penetrated to
+me--as to whose ears has it not!--but whose intellectual countenance I
+never had the distinguished honour to behold until this day, and whose
+intellectual conversation I had never before the improving pleasure to
+enjoy.'
+
+Everybody seemed very glad of this, and applauded more than ever.
+
+'But I hope my Honourable Friend,' said the Gentlemanly member--of
+course he added "if he will allow me to call him so," and of course Mr
+Pecksniff bowed--'will give me many opportunities of cultivating the
+knowledge of him; and that I may have the extraordinary gratification of
+reflecting in after-time that I laid on this day two first stones, both
+belonging to structures which shall last my life!'
+
+Great cheering again. All this time, Martin was cursing Mr Pecksniff up
+hill and down dale.
+
+'My friends!' said Mr Pecksniff, in reply. 'My duty is to build, not
+speak; to act, not talk; to deal with marble, stone, and brick; not
+language. I am very much affected. God bless you!'
+
+This address, pumped out apparently from Mr Pecksniff's very heart,
+brought the enthusiasm to its highest pitch. The pocket handkerchiefs
+were waved again; the charity children were admonished to grow up
+Pecksniffs, every boy among them; the Corporation, gentlemen with wands,
+member for the Gentlemanly Interest, all cheered for Mr Pecksniff. Three
+cheers for Mr Pecksniff! Three more for Mr Pecksniff! Three more for
+Mr Pecksniff, gentlemen, if you please! One more, gentlemen, for Mr
+Pecksniff, and let it be a good one to finish with!
+
+In short, Mr Pecksniff was supposed to have done a great work and was
+very kindly, courteously, and generously rewarded. When the procession
+moved away, and Martin and Mark were left almost alone upon the ground,
+his merits and a desire to acknowledge them formed the common topic. He
+was only second to the Gentlemanly member.
+
+'Compare the fellow's situation to-day with ours!' said Martin bitterly.
+
+'Lord bless you, sir!' cried Mark, 'what's the use? Some architects are
+clever at making foundations, and some architects are clever at building
+on 'em when they're made. But it'll all come right in the end, sir;
+it'll all come right!'
+
+'And in the meantime--' began Martin.
+
+'In the meantime, as you say, sir, we have a deal to do, and far to go.
+So sharp's the word, and Jolly!'
+
+'You are the best master in the world, Mark,' said Martin, 'and I will
+not be a bad scholar if I can help it, I am resolved! So come! Best foot
+foremost, old fellow!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
+
+TOM PINCH DEPARTS TO SEEK HIS FORTUNE. WHAT HE FINDS AT STARTING
+
+
+Oh! What a different town Salisbury was in Tom Pinch's eyes to be sure,
+when the substantial Pecksniff of his heart melted away into an idle
+dream! He possessed the same faith in the wonderful shops, the same
+intensified appreciation of the mystery and wickedness of the place;
+made the same exalted estimate of its wealth, population, and resources;
+and yet it was not the old city nor anything like it. He walked into the
+market while they were getting breakfast ready for him at the Inn; and
+though it was the same market as of old, crowded by the same buyers and
+sellers; brisk with the same business; noisy with the same confusion of
+tongues and cluttering of fowls in coops; fair with the same display
+of rolls of butter, newly made, set forth in linen cloths of dazzling
+whiteness; green with the same fresh show of dewy vegetables; dainty
+with the same array in higglers' baskets of small shaving-glasses,
+laces, braces, trouser-straps, and hardware; savoury with the same
+unstinted show of delicate pigs' feet, and pies made precious by the
+pork that once had walked upon them; still it was strangely changed to
+Tom. For, in the centre of the market-place, he missed a statue he
+had set up there as in all other places of his personal resort; and it
+looked cold and bare without that ornament.
+
+The change lay no deeper than this, for Tom was far from being sage
+enough to know, that, having been disappointed in one man, it would have
+been a strictly rational and eminently wise proceeding to have revenged
+himself upon mankind in general, by mistrusting them one and all. Indeed
+this piece of justice, though it is upheld by the authority of divers
+profound poets and honourable men, bears a nearer resemblance to the
+justice of that good Vizier in the Thousand-and-one Nights, who issues
+orders for the destruction of all the Porters in Bagdad because one of
+that unfortunate fraternity is supposed to have misconducted himself,
+than to any logical, not to say Christian, system of conduct, known to
+the world in later times.
+
+Tom had so long been used to steep the Pecksniff of his fancy in his
+tea, and spread him out upon his toast, and take him as a relish with
+his beer, that he made but a poor breakfast on the first morning after
+his expulsion. Nor did he much improve his appetite for dinner by
+seriously considering his own affairs, and taking counsel thereon with
+his friend the organist's assistant.
+
+The organist's assistant gave it as his decided opinion that whatever
+Tom did, he must go to London; for there was no place like it. Which
+may be true in the main, though hardly, perhaps, in itself, a sufficient
+reason for Tom's going there.
+
+But Tom had thought of London before, and had coupled with it thoughts
+of his sister, and of his old friend John Westlock, whose advice
+he naturally felt disposed to seek in this important crisis of his
+fortunes. To London, therefore, he resolved to go; and he went away to
+the coach-office at once, to secure his place. The coach being already
+full, he was obliged to postpone his departure until the next night; but
+even this circumstance had its bright side as well as its dark one, for
+though it threatened to reduce his poor purse with unexpected country
+charges, it afforded him an opportunity of writing to Mrs Lupin and
+appointing his box to be brought to the old finger-post at the old time;
+which would enable him to take that treasure with him to the metropolis,
+and save the expense of its carriage. 'So,' said Tom, comforting
+himself, 'it's very nearly as broad as it's long.'
+
+And it cannot be denied that, when he had made up his mind to even this
+extent, he felt an unaccustomed sense of freedom--a vague and indistinct
+impression of holiday-making--which was very luxurious. He had his
+moments of depression and anxiety, and they were, with good reason,
+pretty numerous; but still, it was wonderfully pleasant to reflect that
+he was his own master, and could plan and scheme for himself. It was
+startling, thrilling, vast, difficult to understand; it was a stupendous
+truth, teeming with responsibility and self-distrust; but in spite of
+all his cares, it gave a curious relish to the viands at the Inn, and
+interposed a dreamy haze between him and his prospects, in which they
+sometimes showed to magical advantage.
+
+In this unsettled state of mind, Tom went once more to bed in the low
+four-poster, to the same immovable surprise of the effigies of the
+former landlord and the fat ox; and in this condition, passed the whole
+of the succeeding day. When the coach came round at last with 'London'
+blazoned in letters of gold upon the boot, it gave Tom such a turn, that
+he was half disposed to run away. But he didn't do it; for he took his
+seat upon the box instead, and looking down upon the four greys, felt
+as if he were another grey himself, or, at all events, a part of the
+turn-out; and was quite confused by the novelty and splendour of his
+situation.
+
+And really it might have confused a less modest man than Tom to find
+himself sitting next that coachman; for of all the swells that ever
+flourished a whip professionally, he might have been elected emperor. He
+didn't handle his gloves like another man, but put them on--even when he
+was standing on the pavement, quite detached from the coach--as if the
+four greys were, somehow or other, at the ends of the fingers. It was
+the same with his hat. He did things with his hat, which nothing but an
+unlimited knowledge of horses and the wildest freedom of the road, could
+ever have made him perfect in. Valuable little parcels were brought to
+him with particular instructions, and he pitched them into this hat, and
+stuck it on again; as if the laws of gravity did not admit of such
+an event as its being knocked off or blown off, and nothing like an
+accident could befall it. The guard, too! Seventy breezy miles a day
+were written in his very whiskers. His manners were a canter; his
+conversation a round trot. He was a fast coach upon a down-hill turnpike
+road; he was all pace. A waggon couldn't have moved slowly, with that
+guard and his key-bugle on the top of it.
+
+These were all foreshadowings of London, Tom thought, as he sat upon
+the box, and looked about him. Such a coachman, and such a guard, never
+could have existed between Salisbury and any other place. The coach
+was none of your steady-going, yokel coaches, but a swaggering, rakish,
+dissipated London coach; up all night, and lying by all day, and leading
+a devil of a life. It cared no more for Salisbury than if it had been
+a hamlet. It rattled noisily through the best streets, defied the
+Cathedral, took the worst corners sharpest, went cutting in everywhere,
+making everything get out of its way; and spun along the open
+country-road, blowing a lively defiance out of its key-bugle, as its
+last glad parting legacy.
+
+It was a charming evening. Mild and bright. And even with the weight
+upon his mind which arose out of the immensity and uncertainty of
+London, Tom could not resist the captivating sense of rapid motion
+through the pleasant air. The four greys skimmed along, as if they liked
+it quite as well as Tom did; the bugle was in as high spirits as the
+greys; the coachman chimed in sometimes with his voice; the wheels
+hummed cheerfully in unison; the brass work on the harness was an
+orchestra of little bells; and thus, as they went clinking, jingling,
+rattling smoothly on, the whole concern, from the buckles of the
+leaders' coupling-reins to the handle of the hind boot, was one great
+instrument of music.
+
+Yoho, past hedges, gates, and trees; past cottages and barns, and people
+going home from work. Yoho, past donkey-chaises, drawn aside into the
+ditch, and empty carts with rampant horses, whipped up at a bound upon
+the little watercourse, and held by struggling carters close to the
+five-barred gate, until the coach had passed the narrow turning in the
+road. Yoho, by churches dropped down by themselves in quiet nooks,
+with rustic burial-grounds about them, where the graves are green, and
+daisies sleep--for it is evening--on the bosoms of the dead. Yoho, past
+streams, in which the cattle cool their feet, and where the rushes grow;
+past paddock-fences, farms, and rick-yards; past last year's stacks,
+cut, slice by slice, away, and showing, in the waning light, like ruined
+gables, old and brown. Yoho, down the pebbly dip, and through the merry
+water-splash and up at a canter to the level road again. Yoho! Yoho!
+
+Was the box there, when they came up to the old finger-post? The box!
+Was Mrs Lupin herself? Had she turned out magnificently as a hostess
+should, in her own chaise-cart, and was she sitting in a mahogany chair,
+driving her own horse Dragon (who ought to have been called Dumpling),
+and looking lovely? Did the stage-coach pull up beside her, shaving her
+very wheel, and even while the guard helped her man up with the trunk,
+did he send the glad echoes of his bugle careering down the chimneys of
+the distant Pecksniff, as if the coach expressed its exultation in the
+rescue of Tom Pinch?
+
+'This is kind indeed!' said Tom, bending down to shake hands with her.
+'I didn't mean to give you this trouble.'
+
+'Trouble, Mr Pinch!' cried the hostess of the Dragon.
+
+'Well! It's a pleasure to you, I know,' said Tom, squeezing her hand
+heartily. 'Is there any news?'
+
+The hostess shook her head.
+
+'Say you saw me,' said Tom, 'and that I was very bold and cheerful, and
+not a bit down-hearted; and that I entreated her to be the same, for all
+is certain to come right at last. Good-bye!'
+
+'You'll write when you get settled, Mr Pinch?' said Mrs Lupin.
+
+'When I get settled!' cried Tom, with an involuntary opening of his
+eyes. 'Oh, yes, I'll write when I get settled. Perhaps I had better
+write before, because I may find that it takes a little time to settle
+myself; not having too much money, and having only one friend. I shall
+give your love to the friend, by the way. You were always great with Mr
+Westlock, you know. Good-bye!'
+
+'Good-bye!' said Mrs Lupin, hastily producing a basket with a long
+bottle sticking out of it. 'Take this. Good-bye!'
+
+'Do you want me to carry it to London for you?' cried Tom. She was
+already turning the chaise-cart round.
+
+'No, no,' said Mrs Lupin. 'It's only a little something for refreshment
+on the road. Sit fast, Jack. Drive on, sir. All right! Good-bye!'
+
+She was a quarter of a mile off, before Tom collected himself; and then
+he was waving his hand lustily; and so was she.
+
+'And that's the last of the old finger-post,' thought Tom, straining
+his eyes, 'where I have so often stood to see this very coach go by,
+and where I have parted with so many companions! I used to compare this
+coach to some great monster that appeared at certain times to bear my
+friends away into the world. And now it's bearing me away, to seek my
+fortune, Heaven knows where and how!'
+
+It made Tom melancholy to picture himself walking up the lane and back
+to Pecksniff's as of old; and being melancholy, he looked downwards at
+the basket on his knee, which he had for the moment forgotten.
+
+'She is the kindest and most considerate creature in the world,' thought
+Tom. 'Now I KNOW that she particularly told that man of hers not to look
+at me, on purpose to prevent my throwing him a shilling! I had it ready
+for him all the time, and he never once looked towards me; whereas that
+man naturally, (for I know him very well,) would have done nothing but
+grin and stare. Upon my word, the kindness of people perfectly melts
+me.'
+
+Here he caught the coachman's eye. The coachman winked. 'Remarkable fine
+woman for her time of life,' said the coachman.
+
+'I quite agree with you,' returned Tom. 'So she is.'
+
+'Finer than many a young 'un, I mean to say,' observed the coachman.
+'Eh?'
+
+'Than many a young one,' Tom assented.
+
+'I don't care for 'em myself when they're too young,' remarked the
+coachman.
+
+This was a matter of taste, which Tom did not feel himself called upon
+to discuss.
+
+'You'll seldom find 'em possessing correct opinions about refreshment,
+for instance, when they're too young, you know,' said the coachman; 'a
+woman must have arrived at maturity, before her mind's equal to coming
+provided with a basket like that.'
+
+'Perhaps you would like to know what it contains?' said Tom, smiling.
+
+As the coachman only laughed, and as Tom was curious himself, he
+unpacked it, and put the articles, one by one, upon the footboard. A
+cold roast fowl, a packet of ham in slices, a crusty loaf, a piece of
+cheese, a paper of biscuits, half a dozen apples, a knife, some butter,
+a screw of salt, and a bottle of old sherry. There was a letter besides,
+which Tom put in his pocket.
+
+The coachman was so earnest in his approval of Mrs Lupin's provident
+habits, and congratulated Torn so warmly on his good fortune, that Tom
+felt it necessary, for the lady's sake, to explain that the basket was
+a strictly Platonic basket, and had merely been presented to him in the
+way of friendship. When he had made the statement with perfect gravity;
+for he felt it incumbent on him to disabuse the mind of this lax rover
+of any incorrect impressions on the subject; he signified that he would
+be happy to share the gifts with him, and proposed that they should
+attack the basket in a spirit of good fellowship at any time in the
+course of the night which the coachman's experience and knowledge of the
+road might suggest, as being best adapted to the purpose. From this time
+they chatted so pleasantly together, that although Tom knew infinitely
+more of unicorns than horses, the coachman informed his friend the guard
+at the end of the next stage, 'that rum as the box-seat looked, he was
+as good a one to go, in pint of conversation, as ever he'd wish to sit
+by.'
+
+Yoho, among the gathering shades; making of no account the deep
+reflections of the trees, but scampering on through light and darkness,
+all the same, as if the light of London fifty miles away, were quite
+enough to travel by, and some to spare. Yoho, beside the village green,
+where cricket-players linger yet, and every little indentation made in
+the fresh grass by bat or wicket, ball or player's foot, sheds out its
+perfume on the night. Away with four fresh horses from the Bald-faced
+Stag, where topers congregate about the door admiring; and the last
+team with traces hanging loose, go roaming off towards the pond, until
+observed and shouted after by a dozen throats, while volunteering boys
+pursue them. Now, with a clattering of hoofs and striking out of fiery
+sparks, across the old stone bridge, and down again into the shadowy
+road, and through the open gate, and far away, away, into the wold.
+Yoho!
+
+Yoho, behind there, stop that bugle for a moment! Come creeping over to
+the front, along the coach-roof, guard, and make one at this basket! Not
+that we slacken in our pace the while, not we; we rather put the bits
+of blood upon their metal, for the greater glory of the snack. Ah! It
+is long since this bottle of old wine was brought into contact with the
+mellow breath of night, you may depend, and rare good stuff it is to wet
+a bugler's whistle with. Only try it. Don't be afraid of turning up your
+finger, Bill, another pull! Now, take your breath, and try the bugle,
+Bill. There's music! There's a tone!' over the hills and far away,'
+indeed. Yoho! The skittish mare is all alive to-night. Yoho! Yoho!
+
+See the bright moon! High up before we know it; making the earth reflect
+the objects on its breast like water. Hedges, trees, low cottages,
+church steeples, blighted stumps and flourishing young slips, have
+all grown vain upon the sudden, and mean to contemplate their own fair
+images till morning. The poplars yonder rustle that their quivering
+leaves may see themselves upon the ground. Not so the oak; trembling
+does not become HIM; and he watches himself in his stout old burly
+steadfastness, without the motion of a twig. The moss-grown gate,
+ill-poised upon its creaking hinges, crippled and decayed swings to and
+fro before its glass, like some fantastic dowager; while our own ghostly
+likeness travels on, Yoho! Yoho! through ditch and brake, upon the
+ploughed land and the smooth, along the steep hillside and steeper wall,
+as if it were a phantom-Hunter.
+
+Clouds too! And a mist upon the Hollow! Not a dull fog that hides it,
+but a light airy gauze-like mist, which in our eyes of modest admiration
+gives a new charm to the beauties it is spread before; as real gauze has
+done ere now, and would again, so please you, though we were the Pope.
+Yoho! Why now we travel like the Moon herself. Hiding this minute in a
+grove of trees; next minute in a patch of vapour; emerging now upon our
+broad clear course; withdrawing now, but always dashing on, our journey
+is a counter-part of hers. Yoho! A match against the Moon!
+
+The beauty of the night is hardly felt, when Day comes rushing up. Yoho!
+Two stages, and the country roads are almost changed to a continuous
+street. Yoho, past market-gardens, rows of houses, villas, crescents,
+terraces, and squares; past waggons, coaches, carts; past early workmen,
+late stragglers, drunken men, and sober carriers of loads; past brick
+and mortar in its every shape; and in among the rattling pavements,
+where a jaunty-seat upon a coach is not so easy to preserve! Yoho,
+down countless turnings, and through countless mazy ways, until an old
+Innyard is gained, and Tom Pinch, getting down quite stunned and giddy,
+is in London!
+
+'Five minutes before the time, too!' said the driver, as he received his
+fee of Tom.
+
+'Upon my word,' said Tom, 'I should not have minded very much, if we had
+been five hours after it; for at this early hour I don't know where to
+go, or what to do with myself.'
+
+'Don't they expect you then?' inquired the driver.
+
+'Who?' said Tom.
+
+'Why them,' returned the driver.
+
+His mind was so clearly running on the assumption of Tom's having come
+to town to see an extensive circle of anxious relations and friends,
+that it would have been pretty hard work to undeceive him. Tom did not
+try. He cheerfully evaded the subject, and going into the Inn, fell fast
+asleep before a fire in one of the public rooms opening from the yard.
+When he awoke, the people in the house were all astir, so he washed and
+dressed himself; to his great refreshment after the journey; and, it
+being by that time eight o'clock, went forth at once to see his old
+friend John.
+
+John Westlock lived in Furnival's Inn, High Holborn, which was within a
+quarter of an hour's walk of Tom's starting-point, but seemed a long way
+off, by reason of his going two or three miles out of the straight road
+to make a short cut. When at last he arrived outside John's door, two
+stories up, he stood faltering with his hand upon the knocker, and
+trembled from head to foot. For he was rendered very nervous by the
+thought of having to relate what had fallen out between himself and
+Pecksniff; and he had a misgiving that John would exult fearfully in the
+disclosure.
+
+'But it must be made,' thought Tom, 'sooner or later; and I had better
+get it over.'
+
+Rat tat.
+
+'I am afraid that's not a London knock,' thought Tom. 'It didn't sound
+bold. Perhaps that's the reason why nobody answers the door.'
+
+It is quite certain that nobody came, and that Tom stood looking at the
+knocker; wondering whereabouts in the neighbourhood a certain gentleman
+resided, who was roaring out to somebody 'Come in!' with all his might.
+
+'Bless my soul!' thought Tom at last. 'Perhaps he lives here, and is
+calling to me. I never thought of that. Can I open the door from the
+outside, I wonder. Yes, to be sure I can.'
+
+To be sure he could, by turning the handle; and to be sure when he did
+turn it the same voice came rushing out, crying 'Why don't you come
+in? Come in, do you hear? What are you standing there for?'--quite
+violently.
+
+Tom stepped from the little passage into the room from which these
+sounds proceeded, and had barely caught a glimpse of a gentleman in a
+dressing-gown and slippers (with his boots beside him ready to put on),
+sitting at his breakfast with a newspaper in his hand, when the said
+gentleman, at the imminent hazard of oversetting his tea-table, made a
+plunge at Tom, and hugged him.
+
+'Why, Tom, my boy!' cried the gentleman. 'Tom!'
+
+'How glad I am to see you, Mr Westlock!' said Tom Pinch, shaking both
+his hands, and trembling more than ever. 'How kind you are!'
+
+'Mr Westlock!' repeated John, 'what do you mean by that, Pinch? You have
+not forgotten my Christian name, I suppose?'
+
+'No, John, no. I have not forgotten,' said Thomas Pinch. 'Good gracious
+me, how kind you are!'
+
+'I never saw such a fellow in all my life!' cried John. 'What do you
+mean by saying THAT over and over again? What did you expect me to be, I
+wonder! Here, sit down, Tom, and be a reasonable creature. How are you,
+my boy? I am delighted to see you!'
+
+'And I am delighted to see YOU,' said Tom.
+
+'It's mutual, of course,' returned John. 'It always was, I hope. If
+I had known you had been coming, Tom, I would have had something for
+breakfast. I would rather have such a surprise than the best breakfast
+in the world, myself; but yours is another case, and I have no doubt you
+are as hungry as a hunter. You must make out as well as you can, Tom,
+and we'll recompense ourselves at dinner-time. You take sugar, I know;
+I recollect the sugar at Pecksniff's. Ha, ha, ha! How IS Pecksniff? When
+did you come to town? DO begin at something or other, Tom. There are
+only scraps here, but they are not at all bad. Boar's Head potted. Try
+it, Tom. Make a beginning whatever you do. What an old Blade you are! I
+am delighted to see you.'
+
+While he delivered himself of these words in a state of great commotion,
+John was constantly running backwards and forwards to and from the
+closet, bringing out all sorts of things in pots, scooping extraordinary
+quantities of tea out of the caddy, dropping French rolls into his
+boots, pouring hot water over the butter, and making a variety of
+similar mistakes without disconcerting himself in the least.
+
+'There!' said John, sitting down for the fiftieth time, and instantly
+starting up again to make some other addition to the breakfast. 'Now we
+are as well off as we are likely to be till dinner. And now let us have
+the news, Tom. Imprimis, how's Pecksniff?'
+
+'I don't know how he is,' was Tom's grave answer.
+
+John Westlock put the teapot down, and looked at him, in astonishment.
+
+'I don't know how he is,' said Thomas Pinch; 'and, saving that I wish
+him no ill, I don't care. I have left him, John. I have left him for
+ever.'
+
+'Voluntarily?'
+
+'Why, no, for he dismissed me. But I had first found out that I was
+mistaken in him; and I could not have remained with him under any
+circumstances. I grieve to say that you were right in your estimate of
+his character. It may be a ridiculous weakness, John, but it has been
+very painful and bitter to me to find this out, I do assure you.'
+
+Tom had no need to direct that appealing look towards his friend, in
+mild and gentle deprecation of his answering with a laugh. John Westlock
+would as soon have thought of striking him down upon the floor.
+
+'It was all a dream of mine,' said Tom, 'and it is over. I'll tell you
+how it happened, at some other time. Bear with my folly, John. I do not,
+just now, like to think or speak about it.'
+
+'I swear to you, Tom,' returned his friend, with great earnestness of
+manner, after remaining silent for a few moments, 'that when I see, as
+I do now, how deeply you feel this, I don't know whether to be glad or
+sorry that you have made the discovery at last. I reproach myself with
+the thought that I ever jested on the subject; I ought to have known
+better.'
+
+'My dear friend,' said Tom, extending his hand, 'it is very generous and
+gallant in you to receive me and my disclosure in this spirit; it makes
+me blush to think that I should have felt a moment's uneasiness as I
+came along. You can't think what a weight is lifted off my mind,' said
+Tom, taking up his knife and fork again, and looking very cheerful. 'I
+shall punish the Boar's Head dreadfully.'
+
+The host, thus reminded of his duties, instantly betook himself to
+piling up all kinds of irreconcilable and contradictory viands in Tom's
+plate, and a very capital breakfast Tom made, and very much the better
+for it Tom felt.
+
+'That's all right,' said John, after contemplating his visitor's
+proceedings with infinite satisfaction. 'Now, about our plans. You are
+going to stay with me, of course. Where's your box?'
+
+'It's at the Inn,' said Tom. 'I didn't intend--'
+
+'Never mind what you didn't intend,' John Westlock interposed. 'What you
+DID intend is more to the purpose. You intended, in coming here, to ask
+my advice, did you not, Tom?'
+
+'Certainly.'
+
+'And to take it when I gave it to you?'
+
+'Yes,' rejoined Tom, smiling, 'if it were good advice, which, being
+yours, I have no doubt it will be.'
+
+'Very well. Then don't be an obstinate old humbug in the outset, Tom, or
+I shall shut up shop and dispense none of that invaluable commodity. You
+are on a visit to me. I wish I had an organ for you, Tom!'
+
+'So do the gentlemen downstairs, and the gentlemen overhead I have no
+doubt,' was Tom's reply.
+
+'Let me see. In the first place, you will wish to see your sister this
+morning,' pursued his friend, 'and of course you will like to go there
+alone. I'll walk part of the way with you; and see about a little
+business of my own, and meet you here again in the afternoon. Put that
+in your pocket, Tom. It's only the key of the door. If you come home
+first you'll want it.'
+
+'Really,' said Tom, 'quartering one's self upon a friend in this way--'
+
+'Why, there are two keys,' interposed John Westlock. 'I can't open the
+door with them both at once, can I? What a ridiculous fellow you are,
+Tom? Nothing particular you'd like for dinner, is there?'
+
+'Oh dear no,' said Tom.
+
+'Very well, then you may as well leave it to me. Have a glass of cherry
+brandy, Tom?'
+
+'Not a drop! What remarkable chambers these are!' said Pinch 'there's
+everything in 'em!'
+
+'Bless your soul, Tom, nothing but a few little bachelor contrivances!
+the sort of impromptu arrangements that might have suggested themselves
+to Philip Quarll or Robinson Crusoe, that's all. What do you say? Shall
+we walk?'
+
+'By all means,' cried Tom. 'As soon as you like.'
+
+Accordingly John Westlock took the French rolls out of his boots, and
+put his boots on, and dressed himself; giving Tom the paper to read in
+the meanwhile. When he returned, equipped for walking, he found Tom in a
+brown study, with the paper in his hand.
+
+'Dreaming, Tom?'
+
+'No,' said Mr Pinch, 'No. I have been looking over the advertising
+sheet, thinking there might be something in it which would be likely
+to suit me. But, as I often think, the strange thing seems to be that
+nobody is suited. Here are all kinds of employers wanting all sorts of
+servants, and all sorts of servants wanting all kinds of employers, and
+they never seem to come together. Here is a gentleman in a public office
+in a position of temporary difficulty, who wants to borrow five hundred
+pounds; and in the very next advertisement here is another gentleman who
+has got exactly that sum to lend. But he'll never lend it to him, John,
+you'll find! Here is a lady possessing a moderate independence, who
+wants to board and lodge with a quiet, cheerful family; and here is a
+family describing themselves in those very words, "a quiet, cheerful
+family," who want exactly such a lady to come and live with them. But
+she'll never go, John! Neither do any of these single gentlemen who want
+an airy bedroom, with the occasional use of a parlour, ever appear to
+come to terms with these other people who live in a rural situation
+remarkable for its bracing atmosphere, within five minutes' walk of
+the Royal Exchange. Even those letters of the alphabet who are always
+running away from their friends and being entreated at the tops of
+columns to come back, never DO come back, if we may judge from the
+number of times they are asked to do it and don't. It really seems,'
+said Tom, relinquishing the paper with a thoughtful sigh, 'as if people
+had the same gratification in printing their complaints as in making
+them known by word of mouth; as if they found it a comfort and
+consolation to proclaim "I want such and such a thing, and I can't get
+it, and I don't expect I ever shall!"'
+
+John Westlock laughed at the idea, and they went out together. So many
+years had passed since Tom was last in London, and he had known so
+little of it then, that his interest in all he saw was very great. He
+was particularly anxious, among other notorious localities, to have
+those streets pointed out to him which were appropriated to the
+slaughter of countrymen; and was quite disappointed to find, after
+half-an-hour's walking, that he hadn't had his pocket picked. But
+on John Westlock's inventing a pickpocket for his gratification, and
+pointing out a highly respectable stranger as one of that fraternity, he
+was much delighted.
+
+His friend accompanied him to within a short distance of Camberwell
+and having put him beyond the possibility of mistaking the wealthy
+brass-and-copper founder's, left him to make his visit. Arriving before
+the great bell-handle, Tom gave it a gentle pull. The porter appeared.
+
+'Pray does Miss Pinch live here?' said Tom.
+
+'Miss Pinch is governess here,' replied the porter.
+
+At the same time he looked at Tom from head to foot, as if he would have
+said, 'You are a nice man, YOU are; where did YOU come from?'
+
+'It's the same young lady,' said Tom. 'It's quite right. Is she at
+home?'
+
+'I don't know, I'm sure,' rejoined the porter.
+
+'Do you think you could have the goodness to ascertain?' said Tom. He
+had quite a delicacy in offering the suggestion, for the possibility
+of such a step did not appear to present itself to the porter's mind at
+all.
+
+The fact was that the porter in answering the gate-bell had, according
+to usage, rung the house-bell (for it is as well to do these things in
+the Baronial style while you are about it), and that there the functions
+of his office had ceased. Being hired to open and shut the gate, and
+not to explain himself to strangers, he left this little incident to be
+developed by the footman with the tags, who, at this juncture, called
+out from the door steps:
+
+'Hollo, there! wot are you up to? This way, young man!'
+
+'Oh!' said Tom, hurrying towards him. 'I didn't observe that there was
+anybody else. Pray is Miss Pinch at home?'
+
+'She's IN,' replied the footman. As much as to say to Tom: 'But if you
+think she has anything to do with the proprietorship of this place you
+had better abandon that idea.'
+
+'I wish to see her, if you please,' said Tom.
+
+The footman, being a lively young man, happened to have his attention
+caught at that moment by the flight of a pigeon, in which he took so
+warm an interest that his gaze was rivetted on the bird until it was
+quite out of sight. He then invited Tom to come in, and showed him into
+a parlour.
+
+'Hany neem?' said the young man, pausing languidly at the door.
+
+It was a good thought; because without providing the stranger, in case
+he should happen to be of a warm temper, with a sufficient excuse for
+knocking him down, it implied this young man's estimate of his quality,
+and relieved his breast of the oppressive burden of rating him in secret
+as a nameless and obscure individual.
+
+'Say her brother, if you please,' said Tom.
+
+'Mother?' drawled the footman.
+
+'Brother,' repeated Tom, slightly raising his voice. 'And if you will
+say, in the first instance, a gentleman, and then say her brother,
+I shall be obliged to you, as she does not expect me or know I am in
+London, and I do not wish to startle her.'
+
+The young man's interest in Tom's observations had ceased long before
+this time, but he kindly waited until now; when, shutting the door, he
+withdrew.
+
+'Dear me!' said Tom. 'This is very disrespectful and uncivil behaviour.
+I hope these are new servants here, and that Ruth is very differently
+treated.'
+
+His cogitations were interrupted by the sound of voices in the adjoining
+room. They seemed to be engaged in high dispute, or in indignant
+reprimand of some offender; and gathering strength occasionally, broke
+out into a perfect whirlwind. It was in one of these gusts, as it
+appeared to Tom, that the footman announced him; for an abrupt and
+unnatural calm took place, and then a dead silence. He was standing
+before the window, wondering what domestic quarrel might have caused
+these sounds, and hoping Ruth had nothing to do with it, when the door
+opened, and his sister ran into his arms.
+
+'Why, bless my soul!' said Tom, looking at her with great pride, when
+they had tenderly embraced each other, 'how altered you are Ruth! I
+should scarcely have known you, my love, if I had seen you anywhere
+else, I declare! You are so improved,' said Tom, with inexpressible
+delight; 'you are so womanly; you are so--positively, you know, you are
+so handsome!'
+
+'If YOU think so Tom--'
+
+'Oh, but everybody must think so, you know,' said Tom, gently smoothing
+down her hair. 'It's matter of fact; not opinion. But what's the
+matter?' said Tom, looking at her more intently, 'how flushed you are!
+and you have been crying.'
+
+'No, I have not, Tom.'
+
+'Nonsense,' said her brother stoutly. 'That's a story. Don't tell me! I
+know better. What is it, dear? I'm not with Mr Pecksniff now. I am going
+to try and settle myself in London; and if you are not happy here (as I
+very much fear you are not, for I begin to think you have been deceiving
+me with the kindest and most affectionate intention) you shall not
+remain here.'
+
+Oh! Tom's blood was rising; mind that! Perhaps the Boar's Head had
+something to do with it, but certainly the footman had. So had the sight
+of his pretty sister--a great deal to do with it. Tom could bear a good
+deal himself, but he was proud of her, and pride is a sensitive thing.
+He began to think, 'there are more Pecksniffs than one, perhaps,' and by
+all the pins and needles that run up and down in angry veins, Tom was in
+a most unusual tingle all at once!
+
+'We will talk about it, Tom,' said Ruth, giving him another kiss to
+pacify him. 'I am afraid I cannot stay here.'
+
+'Cannot!' replied Tom. 'Why then, you shall not, my love. Heyday! You
+are not an object of charity! Upon my word!'
+
+Tom was stopped in these exclamations by the footman, who brought a
+message from his master, importing that he wished to speak with him
+before he went, and with Miss Pinch also.
+
+'Show the way,' said Tom. 'I'll wait upon him at once.'
+
+Accordingly they entered the adjoining room from which the noise of
+altercation had proceeded; and there they found a middle-aged gentleman,
+with a pompous voice and manner, and a middle-aged lady, with what may
+be termed an excisable face, or one in which starch and vinegar were
+decidedly employed. There was likewise present that eldest pupil of Miss
+Pinch, whom Mrs Todgers, on a previous occasion, had called a syrup, and
+who was now weeping and sobbing spitefully.
+
+'My brother, sir,' said Ruth Pinch, timidly presenting Tom.
+
+'Oh!' cried the gentleman, surveying Tom attentively. 'You really are
+Miss Pinch's brother, I presume? You will excuse my asking. I don't
+observe any resemblance.'
+
+'Miss Pinch has a brother, I know,' observed the lady.
+
+'Miss Pinch is always talking about her brother, when she ought to be
+engaged upon my education,' sobbed the pupil.
+
+'Sophia! Hold your tongue!' observed the gentleman. 'Sit down, if you
+please,' addressing Tom.
+
+Tom sat down, looking from one face to another, in mute surprise.
+
+'Remain here, if you please, Miss Pinch,' pursued the gentleman, looking
+slightly over his shoulder.
+
+Tom interrupted him here, by rising to place a chair for his sister.
+Having done which he sat down again.
+
+'I am glad you chance to have called to see your sister to-day, sir,'
+resumed the brass-and-copper founder. 'For although I do not approve, as
+a principle, of any young person engaged in my family in the capacity
+of a governess, receiving visitors, it happens in this case to be well
+timed. I am sorry to inform you that we are not at all satisfied with
+your sister.'
+
+'We are very much DISsatisfied with her,' observed the lady.
+
+'I'd never say another lesson to Miss Pinch if I was to be beat to death
+for it!' sobbed the pupil.
+
+'Sophia!' cried her father. 'Hold your tongue!'
+
+'Will you allow me to inquire what your ground of dissatisfaction is?'
+asked Tom.
+
+'Yes,' said the gentleman, 'I will. I don't recognize it as a right;
+but I will. Your sister has not the slightest innate power of commanding
+respect. It has been a constant source of difference between us.
+Although she has been in this family for some time, and although the
+young lady who is now present has almost, as it were, grown up under
+her tuition, that young lady has no respect for her. Miss Pinch has
+been perfectly unable to command my daughter's respect, or to win my
+daughter's confidence. Now,' said the gentleman, allowing the palm of
+his hand to fall gravely down upon the table: 'I maintain that there is
+something radically wrong in that! You, as her brother, may be disposed
+to deny it--'
+
+'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Tom. 'I am not at all disposed to
+deny it. I am sure that there is something radically wrong; radically
+monstrous, in that.'
+
+'Good Heavens!' cried the gentleman, looking round the room with
+dignity, 'what do I find to be the case! what results obtrude themselves
+upon me as flowing from this weakness of character on the part of
+Miss Pinch! What are my feelings as a father, when, after my desire
+(repeatedly expressed to Miss Pinch, as I think she will not venture to
+deny) that my daughter should be choice in her expressions, genteel in
+her deportment, as becomes her station in life, and politely distant to
+her inferiors in society, I find her, only this very morning, addressing
+Miss Pinch herself as a beggar!'
+
+'A beggarly thing,' observed the lady, in correction.
+
+'Which is worse,' said the gentleman, triumphantly; 'which is worse. A
+beggarly thing. A low, coarse, despicable expression!'
+
+'Most despicable,' cried Tom. 'I am glad to find that there is a just
+appreciation of it here.'
+
+'So just, sir,' said the gentleman, lowering his voice to be the more
+impressive. 'So just, that, but for my knowing Miss Pinch to be an
+unprotected young person, an orphan, and without friends, I would, as
+I assured Miss Pinch, upon my veracity and personal character, a few
+minutes ago, I would have severed the connection between us at that
+moment and from that time.'
+
+'Bless my soul, sir!' cried Tom, rising from his seat; for he was now
+unable to contain himself any longer; 'don't allow such considerations
+as those to influence you, pray. They don't exist, sir. She is not
+unprotected. She is ready to depart this instant. Ruth, my dear, get
+your bonnet on!'
+
+'Oh, a pretty family!' cried the lady. 'Oh, he's her brother! There's no
+doubt about that!'
+
+'As little doubt, madam,' said Tom, 'as that the young lady yonder is
+the child of your teaching, and not my sister's. Ruth, my dear, get your
+bonnet on!'
+
+'When you say, young man,' interposed the brass-and-copper founder,
+haughtily, 'with that impertinence which is natural to you, and which I
+therefore do not condescend to notice further, that the young lady, my
+eldest daughter, has been educated by any one but Miss Pinch, you--I
+needn't proceed. You comprehend me fully. I have no doubt you are used
+to it.'
+
+'Sir!' cried Tom, after regarding him in silence for some little time.
+'If you do not understand what I mean, I will tell you. If you do
+understand what I mean, I beg you not to repeat that mode of expressing
+yourself in answer to it. My meaning is, that no man can expect his
+children to respect what he degrades.'
+
+'Ha, ha, ha!' laughed the gentleman. 'Cant! cant! The common cant!'
+
+'The common story, sir!' said Tom; 'the story of a common mind. Your
+governess cannot win the confidence and respect of your children,
+forsooth! Let her begin by winning yours, and see what happens then.'
+
+'Miss Pinch is getting her bonnet on, I trust, my dear?' said the
+gentleman.
+
+'I trust she is,' said Tom, forestalling the reply. 'I have no doubt
+she is. In the meantime I address myself to you, sir. You made your
+statement to me, sir; you required to see me for that purpose; and I
+have a right to answer it. I am not loud or turbulent,' said Tom, which
+was quite true, 'though I can scarcely say as much for you, in your
+manner of addressing yourself to me. And I wish, on my sister's behalf,
+to state the simple truth.'
+
+'You may state anything you like, young man,' returned the gentleman,
+affecting to yawn. 'My dear, Miss Pinch's money.'
+
+'When you tell me,' resumed Tom, who was not the less indignant for
+keeping himself quiet, 'that my sister has no innate power of commanding
+the respect of your children, I must tell you it is not so; and that she
+has. She is as well bred, as well taught, as well qualified by nature
+to command respect, as any hirer of a governess you know. But when you
+place her at a disadvantage in reference to every servant in your house,
+how can you suppose, if you have the gift of common sense, that she is
+not in a tenfold worse position in reference to your daughters?'
+
+'Pretty well! Upon my word,' exclaimed the gentleman, 'this is pretty
+well!'
+
+'It is very ill, sir,' said Tom. 'It is very bad and mean, and wrong and
+cruel. Respect! I believe young people are quick enough to observe and
+imitate; and why or how should they respect whom no one else respects,
+and everybody slights? And very partial they must grow--oh, very
+partial!--to their studies, when they see to what a pass proficiency in
+those same tasks has brought their governess! Respect! Put anything the
+most deserving of respect before your daughters in the light in which
+you place her, and you will bring it down as low, no matter what it is!'
+
+'You speak with extreme impertinence, young man,' observed the
+gentleman.
+
+'I speak without passion, but with extreme indignation and contempt
+for such a course of treatment, and for all who practice it,' said
+Tom. 'Why, how can you, as an honest gentleman, profess displeasure or
+surprise at your daughter telling my sister she is something beggarly
+and humble, when you are for ever telling her the same thing yourself in
+fifty plain, outspeaking ways, though not in words; and when your very
+porter and footman make the same delicate announcement to all comers? As
+to your suspicion and distrust of her; even of her word; if she is not
+above their reach, you have no right to employ her.'
+
+'No right!' cried the brass-and-copper founder.
+
+'Distinctly not,' Tom answered. 'If you imagine that the payment of an
+annual sum of money gives it to you, you immensely exaggerate its power
+and value. Your money is the least part of your bargain in such a case.
+You may be punctual in that to half a second on the clock, and yet
+be Bankrupt. I have nothing more to say,' said Tom, much flushed and
+flustered, now that it was over, 'except to crave permission to stand in
+your garden until my sister is ready.'
+
+Not waiting to obtain it, Tom walked out.
+
+Before he had well begun to cool, his sister joined him. She was crying;
+and Tom could not bear that any one about the house should see her doing
+that.
+
+'They will think you are sorry to go,' said Tom. 'You are not sorry to
+go?'
+
+'No, Tom, no. I have been anxious to go for a very long time.'
+
+'Very well, then! Don't cry!' said Tom.
+
+'I am so sorry for YOU, dear,' sobbed Tom's sister.
+
+'But you ought to be glad on my account,' said Tom. 'I shall be twice as
+happy with you for a companion. Hold up your head. There! Now we go
+out as we ought. Not blustering, you know, but firm and confident in
+ourselves.'
+
+The idea of Tom and his sister blustering, under any circumstances, was
+a splendid absurdity. But Tom was very far from feeling it to be so,
+in his excitement; and passed out at the gate with such severe
+determination written in his face that the porter hardly knew him again.
+
+It was not until they had walked some short distance, and Tom found
+himself getting cooler and more collected, that he was quite restored to
+himself by an inquiry from his sister, who said in her pleasant little
+voice:
+
+'Where are we going, Tom?'
+
+'Dear me!' said Tom, stopping, 'I don't know.'
+
+'Don't you--don't you live anywhere, dear?' asked Tom's sister looking
+wistfully in his face.
+
+'No,' said Tom. 'Not at present. Not exactly. I only arrived this
+morning. We must have some lodgings.'
+
+He didn't tell her that he had been going to stay with his friend John,
+and could on no account think of billeting two inmates upon him, of whom
+one was a young lady; for he knew that would make her uncomfortable,
+and would cause her to regard herself as being an inconvenience to him.
+Neither did he like to leave her anywhere while he called on John, and
+told him of this change in his arrangements; for he was delicate of
+seeming to encroach upon the generous and hospitable nature of his
+friend. Therefore he said again, 'We must have some lodgings, of
+course;' and said it as stoutly as if he had been a perfect Directory
+and Guide-Book to all the lodgings in London.
+
+'Where shall we go and look for 'em?' said Tom. 'What do you think?'
+
+Tom's sister was not much wiser on such a topic than he was. So she
+squeezed her little purse into his coat-pocket, and folding the little
+hand with which she did so on the other little hand with which she
+clasped his arm, said nothing.
+
+'It ought to be a cheap neighbourhood,' said Tom, 'and not too far from
+London. Let me see. Should you think Islington a good place?'
+
+'I should think it was an excellent place, Tom.'
+
+'It used to be called Merry Islington, once upon a time,' said Tom.
+'Perhaps it's merry now; if so, it's all the better. Eh?'
+
+'If it's not too dear,' said Tom's sister.
+
+'Of course, if it's not too dear,' assented Tom. 'Well, where IS
+Islington? We can't do better than go there, I should think. Let's go.'
+
+Tom's sister would have gone anywhere with him; so they walked off, arm
+in arm, as comfortably as possible. Finding, presently, that Islington
+was not in that neighbourhood, Tom made inquiries respecting a public
+conveyance thither; which they soon obtained. As they rode along they
+were very full of conversation indeed, Tom relating what had happened
+to him, and Tom's sister relating what had happened to her, and both
+finding a great deal more to say than time to say it in; for they had
+only just begun to talk, in comparison with what they had to tell each
+other, when they reached their journey's end.
+
+'Now,' said Tom, 'we must first look out for some very unpretending
+streets, and then look out for bills in the windows.'
+
+So they walked off again, quite as happily as if they had just stepped
+out of a snug little house of their own, to look for lodgings on account
+of somebody else. Tom's simplicity was unabated, Heaven knows; but
+now that he had somebody to rely upon him, he was stimulated to rely a
+little more upon himself, and was, in his own opinion, quite a desperate
+fellow.
+
+After roaming up and down for hours, looking at some scores of lodgings,
+they began to find it rather fatiguing, especially as they saw none
+which were at all adapted to their purpose. At length, however, in a
+singular little old-fashioned house, up a blind street, they discovered
+two small bedrooms and a triangular parlour, which promised to suit
+them well enough. Their desiring to take possession immediately was a
+suspicious circumstance, but even this was surmounted by the payment
+of their first week's rent, and a reference to John Westlock, Esquire,
+Furnival's Inn, High Holborn.
+
+Ah! It was a goodly sight, when this important point was settled,
+to behold Tom and his sister trotting round to the baker's, and the
+butcher's, and the grocer's, with a kind of dreadful delight in the
+unaccustomed cares of housekeeping; taking secret counsel together as
+they gave their small orders, and distracted by the least suggestion
+on the part of the shopkeeper! When they got back to the triangular
+parlour, and Tom's sister, bustling to and fro, busy about a thousand
+pleasant nothings, stopped every now and then to give old Tom a kiss or
+smile upon him, Tom rubbed his hands as if all Islington were his.
+
+It was late in the afternoon now, though, and high time for Tom to
+keep his appointment. So, after agreeing with his sister that
+in consideration of not having dined, they would venture on the
+extravagance of chops for supper at nine, he walked out again to narrate
+these marvellous occurrences to John.
+
+'I am quite a family man all at once,' thought Tom. 'If I can only get
+something to do, how comfortable Ruth and I may be! Ah, that if!
+But it's of no use to despond. I can but do that, when I have tried
+everything and failed; and even then it won't serve me much. Upon my
+word,' thought Tom, quickening his pace, 'I don't know what John will
+think has become of me. He'll begin to be afraid I have strayed into one
+of those streets where the countrymen are murdered; and that I have been
+made meat pies of, or some such horrible thing.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
+
+TOM PINCH, GOING ASTRAY, FINDS THAT HE IS NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THAT
+PREDICAMENT. HE RETALIATES UPON A FALLEN FOE
+
+
+Tom's evil genius did not lead him into the dens of any of those
+preparers of cannibalic pastry, who are represented in many standard
+country legends as doing a lively retail business in the Metropolis;
+nor did it mark him out as the prey of ring-droppers, pea and
+thimble-riggers, duffers, touters, or any of those bloodless sharpers,
+who are, perhaps, a little better known to the Police. He fell into
+conversation with no gentleman who took him into a public-house, where
+there happened to be another gentleman who swore he had more money than
+any gentleman, and very soon proved he had more money than one gentleman
+by taking his away from him; neither did he fall into any other of
+the numerous man-traps which are set up without notice, in the public
+grounds of this city. But he lost his way. He very soon did that; and in
+trying to find it again he lost it more and more.
+
+Now, Tom, in his guileless distrust of London, thought himself very
+knowing in coming to the determination that he would not ask to be
+directed to Furnival's Inn, if he could help it; unless, indeed, he
+should happen to find himself near the Mint, or the Bank of England; in
+which case he would step in, and ask a civil question or two, confiding
+in the perfect respectability of the concern. So on he went, looking up
+all the streets he came near, and going up half of them; and thus,
+by dint of not being true to Goswell Street, and filing off into
+Aldermanbury, and bewildering himself in Barbican, and being constant to
+the wrong point of the compass in London Wall, and then getting himself
+crosswise into Thames Street, by an instinct that would have been
+marvellous if he had had the least desire or reason to go there, he
+found himself, at last, hard by the Monument.
+
+The Man in the Monument was quite as mysterious a being to Tom as the
+Man in the Moon. It immediately occurred to him that the lonely creature
+who held himself aloof from all mankind in that pillar like some old
+hermit was the very man of whom to ask his way. Cold, he might be;
+little sympathy he had, perhaps, with human passion--the column seemed
+too tall for that; but if Truth didn't live in the base of the Monument,
+notwithstanding Pope's couplet about the outside of it, where in London
+(thought Tom) was she likely to be found!
+
+Coming close below the pillar, it was a great encouragement to Tom to
+find that the Man in the Monument had simple tastes; that stony
+and artificial as his residence was, he still preserved some rustic
+recollections; that he liked plants, hung up bird-cages, was not wholly
+cut off from fresh groundsel, and kept young trees in tubs. The Man in
+the Monument, himself, was sitting outside the door--his own door: the
+Monument-door: what a grand idea!--and was actually yawning, as if there
+were no Monument to stop his mouth, and give him a perpetual interest in
+his own existence.
+
+Tom was advancing towards this remarkable creature, to inquire the way
+to Furnival's Inn, when two people came to see the Monument. They were a
+gentleman and a lady; and the gentleman said, 'How much a-piece?'
+
+The Man in the Monument replied, 'A Tanner.'
+
+It seemed a low expression, compared with the Monument.
+
+The gentleman put a shilling into his hand, and the Man in the Monument
+opened a dark little door. When the gentleman and lady had passed out of
+view, he shut it again, and came slowly back to his chair.
+
+He sat down and laughed.
+
+'They don't know what a many steps there is!' he said. 'It's worth twice
+the money to stop here. Oh, my eye!'
+
+The Man in the Monument was a Cynic; a worldly man! Tom couldn't ask his
+way of HIM. He was prepared to put no confidence in anything he said.
+
+'My gracious!' cried a well-known voice behind Mr Pinch. 'Why, to be
+sure it is!'
+
+At the same time he was poked in the back by a parasol. Turning round
+to inquire into this salute, he beheld the eldest daughter of his late
+patron.
+
+'Miss Pecksniff!' said Tom.
+
+'Why, my goodness, Mr Pinch!' cried Cherry. 'What are you doing here?'
+
+'I have rather wandered from my way,' said Tom. 'I--'
+
+'I hope you have run away,' said Charity. 'It would be quite spirited
+and proper if you had, when my Papa so far forgets himself.'
+
+'I have left him,' returned Tom. 'But it was perfectly understood on
+both sides. It was not done clandestinely.'
+
+'Is he married?' asked Cherry, with a spasmodic shake of her chin.
+
+'No, not yet,' said Tom, colouring; 'to tell you the truth, I don't
+think he is likely to be, if--if Miss Graham is the object of his
+passion.'
+
+'Tcha, Mr Pinch!' cried Charity, with sharp impatience, 'you're very
+easily deceived. You don't know the arts of which such a creature is
+capable. Oh! it's a wicked world.'
+
+'You are not married?' Tom hinted, to divert the conversation.
+
+'N--no!' said Cherry, tracing out one particular paving-stone in
+Monument Yard with the end of her parasol. 'I--but really it's quite
+impossible to explain. Won't you walk in?'
+
+'You live here, then?' said Tom
+
+'Yes,' returned Miss Pecksniff, pointing with her parasol to Todgers's;
+'I reside with this lady, AT PRESENT.'
+
+The great stress on the two last words suggested to Tom that he was
+expected to say something in reference to them. So he said.
+
+'Only at present! Are you going home again soon?'
+
+'No, Mr Pinch,' returned Charity. 'No, thank you. No! A mother-in-law
+who is younger than--I mean to say, who is as nearly as possible about
+the same age as one's self, would not quite suit my spirit. Not quite!'
+said Cherry, with a spiteful shiver.
+
+'I thought from your saying "at present"'--Tom observed.
+
+'Really, upon my word! I had no idea you would press me so very closely
+on the subject, Mr Pinch,' said Charity, blushing, 'or I should not have
+been so foolish as to allude to--oh really!--won't you walk in?'
+
+Tom mentioned, to excuse himself, that he had an appointment in
+Furnival's Inn, and that coming from Islington he had taken a few wrong
+turnings, and arrived at the Monument instead. Miss Pecksniff simpered
+very much when he asked her if she knew the way to Furnival's Inn, and
+at length found courage to reply.
+
+'A gentleman who is a friend of mine, or at least who is not exactly a
+friend so much as a sort of acquaintance--Oh upon my word, I hardly
+know what I say, Mr Pinch; you mustn't suppose there is any engagement
+between us; or at least if there is, that it is at all a settled thing
+as yet--is going to Furnival's Inn immediately, I believe upon a little
+business, and I am sure he would be very glad to accompany you, so as
+to prevent your going wrong again. You had better walk in. You will very
+likely find my sister Merry here,' she said with a curious toss of her
+head, and anything but an agreeable smile.
+
+'Then, I think, I'll endeavour to find my way alone,' said Tom, 'for I
+fear she would not be very glad to see me. That unfortunate occurrence,
+in relation to which you and I had some amicable words together, in
+private, is not likely to have impressed her with any friendly feeling
+towards me. Though it really was not my fault.'
+
+'She has never heard of that, you may depend,' said Cherry, gathering up
+the corners of her mouth, and nodding at Tom. 'I am far from sure that
+she would bear you any mighty ill will for it, if she had.'
+
+'You don't say so?' cried Tom, who was really concerned by this
+insinuation.
+
+'I say nothing,' said Charity. 'If I had not already known what shocking
+things treachery and deceit are in themselves, Mr Pinch, I might perhaps
+have learnt it from the success they meet with--from the success they
+meet with.' Here she smiled as before. 'But I don't say anything. On the
+contrary, I should scorn it. You had better walk in!'
+
+There was something hidden here, which piqued Tom's interest and
+troubled his tender heart. When, in a moment's irresolution, he looked
+at Charity, he could not but observe a struggle in her face between
+a sense of triumph and a sense of shame; nor could he but remark how,
+meeting even his eyes, which she cared so little for, she turned away
+her own, for all the splenetic defiance in her manner.
+
+An uneasy thought entered Tom's head; a shadowy misgiving that the
+altered relations between himself and Pecksniff were somehow to involve
+an altered knowledge on his part of other people, and were to give him
+an insight into much of which he had had no previous suspicion. And yet
+he put no definite construction upon Charity's proceedings. He certainly
+had no idea that as he had been the audience and spectator of her
+mortification, she grasped with eager delight at any opportunity of
+reproaching her sister with his presence in HER far deeper misery; for
+he knew nothing of it, and only pictured that sister as the same giddy,
+careless, trivial creature she always had been, with the same slight
+estimation of himself which she had never been at the least pains
+to conceal. In short, he had merely a confused impression that Miss
+Pecksniff was not quite sisterly or kind; and being curious to set it
+right, accompanied her as she desired.
+
+The house-door being opened, she went in before Tom, requesting him to
+follow her; and led the way to the parlour door.
+
+'Oh, Merry!' she said, looking in, 'I am so glad you have not gone home.
+Who do you think I have met in the street, and brought to see you! Mr
+Pinch! There. Now you ARE surprised, I am sure!'
+
+Not more surprised than Tom was, when he looked upon her. Not so much.
+Not half so much.
+
+'Mr Pinch has left Papa, my dear,' said Cherry, 'and his prospects are
+quite flourishing. I have promised that Augustus, who is going that way,
+shall escort him to the place he wants. Augustus, my child, where are
+you?'
+
+With these words Miss Pecksniff screamed her way out of the parlour,
+calling on Augustus Moddle to appear; and left Tom Pinch alone with her
+sister.
+
+If she had always been his kindest friend; if she had treated him
+through all his servitude with such consideration as was never yet
+received by struggling man; if she had lightened every moment of those
+many years, and had ever spared and never wounded him; his honest heart
+could not have swelled before her with a deeper pity, or a purer freedom
+from all base remembrance than it did then.
+
+'My gracious me! You are really the last person in the world I should
+have thought of seeing, I am sure!'
+
+Tom was sorry to hear her speaking in her old manner. He had not
+expected that. Yet he did not feel it a contradiction that he should be
+sorry to see her so unlike her old self, and sorry at the same time
+to hear her speaking in her old manner. The two things seemed quite
+natural.
+
+'I wonder you find any gratification in coming to see me. I can't think
+what put it in your head. I never had much in seeing you. There was no
+love lost between us, Mr Pinch, at any time, I think.'
+
+Her bonnet lay beside her on the sofa, and she was very busy with the
+ribbons as she spoke. Much too busy to be conscious of the work her
+fingers did.
+
+'We never quarrelled,' said Tom.--Tom was right in that, for one person
+can no more quarrel without an adversary, than one person can play at
+chess, or fight a duel. 'I hoped you would be glad to shake hands with
+an old friend. Don't let us rake up bygones,' said Tom. 'If I ever
+offended you, forgive me.'
+
+She looked at him for a moment; dropped her bonnet from her hands;
+spread them before her altered face, and burst into tears.
+
+'Oh, Mr Pinch!' she said, 'although I never used you well, I did believe
+your nature was forgiving. I did not think you could be cruel.'
+
+She spoke as little like her old self now, for certain, as Tom
+could possibly have wished. But she seemed to be appealing to him
+reproachfully, and he did not understand her.
+
+'I seldom showed it--never--I know that. But I had that belief in you,
+that if I had been asked to name the person in the world least likely to
+retort upon me, I would have named you, confidently.'
+
+'Would have named me!' Tom repeated.
+
+'Yes,' she said with energy, 'and I have often thought so.'
+
+After a moment's reflection, Tom sat himself upon a chair beside her.
+
+'Do you believe,' said Tom, 'oh, can you think, that what I said just
+now, I said with any but the true and plain intention which my words
+professed? I mean it, in the spirit and the letter. If I ever offended
+you, forgive me; I may have done so, many times. You never injured or
+offended me. How, then, could I possibly retort, if even I were stern
+and bad enough to wish to do it!'
+
+After a little while she thanked him, through her tears and sobs, and
+told him she had never been at once so sorry and so comforted, since she
+left home. Still she wept bitterly; and it was the greater pain to Tom
+to see her weeping, from her standing in especial need, just then, of
+sympathy and tenderness.
+
+'Come, come!' said Tom, 'you used to be as cheerful as the day was
+long.'
+
+'Ah! used!' she cried, in such a tone as rent Tom's heart.
+
+'And will be again,' said Tom.
+
+'No, never more. No, never, never more. If you should talk with old Mr
+Chuzzlewit, at any time,' she added, looking hurriedly into his face--'I
+sometimes thought he liked you, but suppressed it--will you promise me
+to tell him that you saw me here, and that I said I bore in mind the
+time we talked together in the churchyard?'
+
+Tom promised that he would.
+
+'Many times since then, when I have wished I had been carried there
+before that day, I have recalled his words. I wish that he should know
+how true they were, although the least acknowledgment to that effect has
+never passed my lips and never will.'
+
+Tom promised this, conditionally too. He did not tell her how improbable
+it was that he and the old man would ever meet again, because he thought
+it might disturb her more.
+
+'If he should ever know this, through your means, dear Mr Pinch,' said
+Mercy, 'tell him that I sent the message, not for myself, but that he
+might be more forbearing and more patient, and more trustful to some
+other person, in some other time of need. Tell him that if he could know
+how my heart trembled in the balance that day, and what a very little
+would have turned the scale, his own would bleed with pity for me.'
+
+'Yes, yes,' said Tom, 'I will.'
+
+'When I appeared to him the most unworthy of his help, I was--I know I
+was, for I have often, often, thought about it since--the most inclined
+to yield to what he showed me. Oh! if he had relented but a little more;
+if he had thrown himself in my way for but one other quarter of an hour;
+if he had extended his compassion for a vain, unthinking, miserable
+girl, in but the least degree; he might, and I believe he would, have
+saved her! Tell him that I don't blame him, but am grateful for the
+effort that he made; but ask him for the love of God, and youth, and
+in merciful consideration for the struggle which an ill-advised and
+unwakened nature makes to hide the strength it thinks its weakness--ask
+him never, never, to forget this, when he deals with one again!'
+
+Although Tom did not hold the clue to her full meaning, he could guess
+it pretty nearly. Touched to the quick, he took her hand and said, or
+meant to say, some words of consolation. She felt and understood them,
+whether they were spoken or no. He was not quite certain, afterwards,
+but that she had tried to kneel down at his feet, and bless him.
+
+He found that he was not alone in the room when she had left it. Mrs
+Todgers was there, shaking her head. Tom had never seen Mrs Todgers, it
+is needless to say, but he had a perception of her being the lady of the
+house; and he saw some genuine compassion in her eyes, that won his good
+opinion.
+
+'Ah, sir! You are an old friend, I see,' said Mrs Todgers.
+
+'Yes,' said Tom.
+
+'And yet,' quoth Mrs Todgers, shutting the door softly, 'she hasn't told
+you what her troubles are, I'm certain.'
+
+Tom was struck by these words, for they were quite true. 'Indeed,' he
+said, 'she has not.'
+
+'And never would,' said Mrs Todgers, 'if you saw her daily. She never
+makes the least complaint to me, or utters a single word of explanation
+or reproach. But I know,' said Mrs Todgers, drawing in her breath, 'I
+know!'
+
+Tom nodded sorrowfully, 'So do I.'
+
+'I fully believe,' said Mrs Todgers, taking her pocket-handkerchief
+from the flat reticule, 'that nobody can tell one half of what that poor
+young creature has to undergo. But though she comes here, constantly,
+to ease her poor full heart without his knowing it; and saying, "Mrs
+Todgers, I am very low to-day; I think that I shall soon be dead," sits
+crying in my room until the fit is past; I know no more from her. And,
+I believe,' said Mrs Todgers, putting back her handkerchief again, 'that
+she considers me a good friend too.'
+
+Mrs Todgers might have said her best friend. Commercial gentlemen and
+gravy had tried Mrs Todgers's temper; the main chance--it was such a
+very small one in her case, that she might have been excused for looking
+sharp after it, lest it should entirely vanish from her sight--had taken
+a firm hold on Mrs Todgers's attention. But in some odd nook in Mrs
+Todgers's breast, up a great many steps, and in a corner easy to be
+overlooked, there was a secret door, with 'Woman' written on the spring,
+which, at a touch from Mercy's hand, had flown wide open, and admitted
+her for shelter.
+
+When boarding-house accounts are balanced with all other ledgers, and
+the books of the Recording Angel are made up for ever, perhaps there may
+be seen an entry to thy credit, lean Mrs Todgers, which shall make thee
+beautiful!
+
+She was growing beautiful so rapidly in Tom's eyes; for he saw that she
+was poor, and that this good had sprung up in her from among the sordid
+strivings of her life; that she might have been a very Venus in a minute
+more, if Miss Pecksniff had not entered with her friend.
+
+'Mr Thomas Pinch!' said Charity, performing the ceremony of introduction
+with evident pride. 'Mr Moddle. Where's my sister?'
+
+'Gone, Miss Pecksniff,' Mrs Todgers answered. 'She had appointed to be
+home.'
+
+'Ah!' said Charity, looking at Tom. 'Oh, dear me!'
+
+'She's greatly altered since she's been Anoth--since she's been married,
+Mrs Todgers!' observed Moddle.
+
+'My dear Augustus!' said Miss Pecksniff, in a low voice. 'I verily
+believe you have said that fifty thousand times, in my hearing. What a
+Prose you are!'
+
+This was succeeded by some trifling love passages, which appeared to
+originate with, if not to be wholly carried on by Miss Pecksniff. At any
+rate, Mr Moddle was much slower in his responses than is customary
+with young lovers, and exhibited a lowness of spirits which was quite
+oppressive.
+
+He did not improve at all when Tom and he were in the streets, but
+sighed so dismally that it was dreadful to hear him. As a means of
+cheering him up, Tom told him that he wished him joy.
+
+'Joy!' cried Moddle. 'Ha, ha!'
+
+'What an extraordinary young man!' thought Tom.
+
+'The Scorner has not set his seal upon you. YOU care what becomes of
+you?' said Moddle.
+
+Tom admitted that it was a subject in which he certainly felt some
+interest.
+
+'I don't,' said Mr Moddle. 'The Elements may have me when they please.
+I'm ready.'
+
+Tom inferred from these, and other expressions of the same nature, that
+he was jealous. Therefore he allowed him to take his own course; which
+was such a gloomy one, that he felt a load removed from his mind when
+they parted company at the gate of Furnival's Inn.
+
+It was now a couple of hours past John Westlock's dinner-time; and he
+was walking up and down the room, quite anxious for Tom's safety. The
+table was spread; the wine was carefully decanted; and the dinner smelt
+delicious.
+
+'Why, Tom, old boy, where on earth have you been? Your box is here. Get
+your boots off instantly, and sit down!'
+
+'I am sorry to say I can't stay, John,' replied Tom Pinch, who was
+breathless with the haste he had made in running up the stairs.
+
+'Can't stay!'
+
+'If you'll go on with your dinner,' said Tom, 'I'll tell you my reason
+the while. I mustn't eat myself, or I shall have no appetite for the
+chops.'
+
+'There are no chops here, my food fellow.'
+
+'No. But there are at Islington,' said Tom.
+
+John Westlock was perfectly confounded by this reply, and vowed he would
+not touch a morsel until Tom had explained himself fully. So Tom sat
+down, and told him all; to which he listened with the greatest interest.
+
+He knew Tom too well, and respected his delicacy too much, to ask him
+why he had taken these measures without communicating with him first. He
+quite concurred in the expediency of Tom's immediately returning to his
+sister, as he knew so little of the place in which he had left her, and
+good-humouredly proposed to ride back with him in a cab, in which he
+might convey his box. Tom's proposition that he should sup with them
+that night, he flatly rejected, but made an appointment with him for the
+morrow. 'And now Tom,' he said, as they rode along, 'I have a question
+to ask you to which I expect a manly and straightforward answer. Do you
+want any money? I am pretty sure you do.'
+
+'I don't indeed,' said Tom.
+
+'I believe you are deceiving me.'
+
+'No. With many thanks to you, I am quite in earnest,' Tom replied. 'My
+sister has some money, and so have I. If I had nothing else, John, I
+have a five-pound note, which that good creature, Mrs Lupin, of the
+Dragon, handed up to me outside the coach, in a letter begging me to
+borrow it; and then drove off as hard as she could go.'
+
+'And a blessing on every dimple in her handsome face, say I!' cried
+John, 'though why you should give her the preference over me, I don't
+know. Never mind. I bide my time, Tom.'
+
+'And I hope you'll continue to bide it,' returned Tom, gayly. 'For I
+owe you more, already, in a hundred other ways, than I can ever hope to
+pay.'
+
+They parted at the door of Tom's new residence. John Westlock, sitting
+in the cab, and, catching a glimpse of a blooming little busy creature
+darting out to kiss Tom and to help him with his box, would not have had
+the least objection to change places with him.
+
+Well! she WAS a cheerful little thing; and had a quaint, bright
+quietness about her that was infinitely pleasant. Surely she was the
+best sauce for chops ever invented. The potatoes seemed to take a
+pleasure in sending up their grateful steam before her; the froth upon
+the pint of porter pouted to attract her notice. But it was all in vain.
+She saw nothing but Tom. Tom was the first and last thing in the world.
+
+As she sat opposite to Tom at supper, fingering one of Tom's pet tunes
+upon the table-cloth, and smiling in his face, he had never been so
+happy in his life.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
+
+SECRET SERVICE
+
+
+In walking from the city with his sentimental friend, Tom Pinch had
+looked into the face, and brushed against the threadbare sleeve, of Mr
+Nadgett, man of mystery to the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and
+Life Assurance Company. Mr Nadgett naturally passed away from Tom's
+remembrance as he passed out of his view; for he didn't know him, and
+had never heard his name.
+
+As there are a vast number of people in the huge metropolis of England
+who rise up every morning not knowing where their heads will rest at
+night, so there are a multitude who shooting arrows over houses as their
+daily business, never know on whom they fall. Mr Nadgett might have
+passed Tom Pinch ten thousand times; might even have been quite familiar
+with his face, his name, pursuits, and character; yet never once have
+dreamed that Tom had any interest in any act or mystery of his. Tom
+might have done the like by him of course. But the same private man out
+of all the men alive, was in the mind of each at the same moment; was
+prominently connected though in a different manner, with the day's
+adventures of both; and formed, when they passed each other in the
+street, the one absorbing topic of their thoughts.
+
+Why Tom had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his mind requires no explanation. Why Mr
+Nadgett should have had Jonas Chuzzlewit in his, is quite another thing.
+
+But, somehow or other, that amiable and worthy orphan had become a part
+of the mystery of Mr Nadgett's existence. Mr Nadgett took an interest
+in his lightest proceedings; and it never flagged or wavered. He watched
+him in and out of the Assurance Office, where he was now formally
+installed as a Director; he dogged his footsteps in the streets; he
+stood listening when he talked; he sat in coffee-rooms entering his
+name in the great pocket-book, over and over again; he wrote letters to
+himself about him constantly; and, when he found them in his pocket, put
+them in the fire, with such distrust and caution that he would bend down
+to watch the crumpled tinder while it floated upwards, as if his mind
+misgave him, that the mystery it had contained might come out at the
+chimney-pot.
+
+And yet all this was quite a secret. Mr Nadgett kept it to himself, and
+kept it close. Jonas had no more idea that Mr Nadgett's eyes were fixed
+on him, than he had that he was living under the daily inspection and
+report of a whole order of Jesuits. Indeed Mr Nadgett's eyes were seldom
+fixed on any other objects than the ground, the clock, or the fire; but
+every button on his coat might have been an eye, he saw so much.
+
+The secret manner of the man disarmed suspicion in this wise;
+suggesting, not that he was watching any one, but that he thought
+some other man was watching him. He went about so stealthily, and kept
+himself so wrapped up in himself, that the whole object of his life
+appeared to be, to avoid notice and preserve his own mystery. Jonas
+sometimes saw him in the street, hovering in the outer office, waiting
+at the door for the man who never came, or slinking off with his
+immovable face and drooping head, and the one beaver glove dangling
+before him; but he would as soon have thought of the cross upon the top
+of St. Paul's Cathedral taking note of what he did, or slowly winding
+a great net about his feet, as of Nadgett's being engaged in such an
+occupation.
+
+Mr Nadgett made a mysterious change about this time in his mysterious
+life: for whereas he had, until now, been first seen every morning
+coming down Cornhill, so exactly like the Nadgett of the day before
+as to occasion a popular belief that he never went to bed or took his
+clothes off, he was now first seen in Holborn, coming out of Kingsgate
+Street; and it was soon discovered that he actually went every morning
+to a barber's shop in that street to get shaved; and that the barber's
+name was Sweedlepipe. He seemed to make appointments with the man who
+never came, to meet him at this barber's; for he would frequently take
+long spells of waiting in the shop, and would ask for pen and ink, and
+pull out his pocket-book, and be very busy over it for an hour at a
+time. Mrs Gamp and Mr Sweedlepipe had many deep discoursings on the
+subject of this mysterious customer; but they usually agreed that he had
+speculated too much and was keeping out of the way.
+
+He must have appointed the man who never kept his word, to meet him at
+another new place too; for one day he was found, for the first time,
+by the waiter at the Mourning Coach-Horse, the House-of-call for
+Undertakers, down in the City there, making figures with a pipe-stem in
+the sawdust of a clean spittoon; and declining to call for anything, on
+the ground of expecting a gentleman presently. As the gentleman was not
+honourable enough to keep his engagement, he came again next day, with
+his pocket-book in such a state of distention that he was regarded in
+the bar as a man of large property. After that, he repeated his visits
+every day, and had so much writing to do, that he made nothing of
+emptying a capacious leaden inkstand in two sittings. Although he never
+talked much, still, by being there among the regular customers, he made
+their acquaintance, and in course of time became quite intimate with Mr
+Tacker, Mr Mould's foreman; and even with Mr Mould himself, who openly
+said he was a long-headed man, a dry one, a salt fish, a deep file, a
+rasper; and made him the subject of many other flattering encomiums.
+
+At the same time, too, he told the people at the Assurance Office, in
+his own mysterious way, that there was something wrong (secretly wrong,
+of course) in his liver, and that he feared he must put himself
+under the doctor's hands. He was delivered over to Jobling upon this
+representation; and though Jobling could not find out where his liver
+was wrong, wrong Mr Nadgett said it was; observing that it was his
+own liver, and he hoped he ought to know. Accordingly, he became Mr
+Jobling's patient; and detailing his symptoms in his slow and secret
+way, was in and out of that gentleman's room a dozen times a day.
+
+As he pursued all these occupations at once; and all steadily; and all
+secretly; and never slackened in his watchfulness of everything that
+Mr Jonas said and did, and left unsaid and undone; it is not improbable
+that they were, secretly, essential parts of some great scheme which Mr
+Nadgett had on foot.
+
+It was on the morning of this very day on which so much had happened to
+Tom Pinch, that Nadgett suddenly appeared before Mr Montague's house in
+Pall Mall--he always made his appearance as if he had that moment come
+up a trap--when the clocks were striking nine. He rang the bell in a
+covert under-handed way, as though it were a treasonable act; and passed
+in at the door, the moment it was opened wide enough to receive his
+body. That done, he shut it immediately with his own hands.
+
+Mr Bailey, taking up his name without delay, returned with a request
+that he would follow him into his master's chamber. The chairman of the
+Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance Board was dressing,
+and received him as a business person who was often backwards and
+forwards, and was received at all times for his business' sake.
+
+'Well, Mr Nadgett?'
+
+Mr Nadgett put his hat upon the ground and coughed. The boy having
+withdrawn and shut the door, he went to it softly, examined the handle,
+and returned to within a pace or two of the chair in which Mr Montague
+sat.
+
+'Any news, Mr Nadgett?'
+
+'I think we have some news at last, sir.'
+
+'I am happy to hear it. I began to fear you were off the scent, Mr
+Nadgett.'
+
+'No, sir. It grows cold occasionally. It will sometimes. We can't help
+that.'
+
+'You are truth itself, Mr Nadgett. Do you report a great success?'
+
+'That depends upon your judgment and construction of it,' was his
+answer, as he put on his spectacles.
+
+'What do you think of it yourself? Have you pleased yourself?'
+
+Mr Nadgett rubbed his hands slowly, stroked his chin, looked round the
+room, and said, 'Yes, yes, I think it's a good case. I am disposed to
+think it's a good case. Will you go into it at once?'
+
+'By all means.'
+
+Mr Nadgett picked out a certain chair from among the rest, and having
+planted it in a particular spot, as carefully as if he had been going to
+vault over it, placed another chair in front of it; leaving room for his
+own legs between them. He then sat down in chair number two, and laid
+his pocket-book, very carefully, on chair number one. He then untied the
+pocket-book, and hung the string over the back of chair number one. He
+then drew both the chairs a little nearer Mr Montague, and opening
+the pocket-book spread out its contents. Finally he selected a certain
+memorandum from the rest, and held it out to his employer, who, during
+the whole of these preliminary ceremonies, had been making violent
+efforts to conceal his impatience.
+
+'I wish you wouldn't be so fond of making notes, my excellent friend,'
+said Tigg Montague with a ghastly smile. 'I wish you would consent to
+give me their purport by word of mouth.'
+
+'I don't like word of mouth,' said Mr Nadgett gravely. 'We never know
+who's listening.'
+
+Mr Montague was going to retort, when Nadgett handed him the paper, and
+said, with quiet exultation in his tone, 'We'll begin at the beginning,
+and take that one first, if you please, sir.'
+
+The chairman cast his eyes upon it, coldly, and with a smile which did
+not render any great homage to the slow and methodical habits of his
+spy. But he had not read half-a-dozen lines when the expression of his
+face began to change, and before he had finished the perusal of the
+paper, it was full of grave and serious attention.
+
+'Number Two,' said Mr Nadgett, handing him another, and receiving back
+the first. 'Read Number Two, sir, if you please. There is more interest
+as you go on.'
+
+Tigg Montague leaned backward in his chair, and cast upon his emissary
+such a look of vacant wonder (not unmingled with alarm), that Mr Nadgett
+considered it necessary to repeat the request he had already twice
+preferred; with the view to recalling his attention to the point in
+hand. Profiting by the hint, Mr Montague went on with Number Two, and
+afterwards with Numbers Three, and Four, and Five, and so on.
+
+These documents were all in Mr Nadgett's writing, and were apparently a
+series of memoranda, jotted down from time to time upon the backs of old
+letters, or any scrap of paper that came first to hand. Loose straggling
+scrawls they were, and of very uninviting exterior; but they had weighty
+purpose in them, if the chairman's face were any index to the character
+of their contents.
+
+The progress of Mr Nadgett's secret satisfaction arising out of the
+effect they made, kept pace with the emotions of the reader. At first,
+Mr Nadgett sat with his spectacles low down upon his nose, looking over
+them at his employer, and nervously rubbing his hands. After a little
+while, he changed his posture in his chair for one of greater ease, and
+leisurely perused the next document he held ready as if an occasional
+glance at his employer's face were now enough and all occasion for
+anxiety or doubt were gone. And finally he rose and looked out of the
+window, where he stood with a triumphant air until Tigg Montague had
+finished.
+
+'And this is the last, Mr Nadgett!' said that gentleman, drawing a long
+breath.
+
+'That, sir, is the last.'
+
+'You are a wonderful man, Mr Nadgett!'
+
+'I think it is a pretty good case,' he returned as he gathered up his
+papers. 'It cost some trouble, sir.'
+
+'The trouble shall be well rewarded, Mr Nadgett.' Nadgett bowed. 'There
+is a deeper impression of Somebody's Hoof here, than I had expected, Mr
+Nadgett. I may congratulate myself upon your being such a good hand at a
+secret.'
+
+'Oh! nothing has an interest to me that's not a secret,' replied
+Nadgett, as he tied the string about his pocket-book, and put it up. 'It
+always takes away any pleasure I may have had in this inquiry even to
+make it known to you.'
+
+'A most invaluable constitution,' Tigg retorted. 'A great gift for a
+gentleman employed as you are, Mr Nadgett. Much better than discretion;
+though you possess that quality also in an eminent degree. I think I
+heard a double knock. Will you put your head out of window, and tell me
+whether there is anybody at the door?'
+
+Mr Nadgett softly raised the sash, and peered out from the very corner,
+as a man might who was looking down into a street from whence a brisk
+discharge of musketry might be expected at any moment. Drawing in his
+head with equal caution, he observed, not altering his voice or manner:
+
+'Mr Jonas Chuzzlewit!'
+
+'I thought so,' Tigg retorted.
+
+'Shall I go?'
+
+'I think you had better. Stay though! No! remain here, Mr Nadgett, if
+you please.'
+
+It was remarkable how pale and flurried he had become in an instant.
+There was nothing to account for it. His eye had fallen on his razors;
+but what of them!
+
+Mr Chuzzlewit was announced.
+
+'Show him up directly. Nadgett! don't you leave us alone together. Mind
+you don't, now! By the Lord!' he added in a whisper to himself: 'We
+don't know what may happen.'
+
+Saying this, he hurriedly took up a couple of hair-brushes, and began
+to exercise them on his own head, as if his toilet had not been
+interrupted. Mr Nadgett withdrew to the stove, in which there was a
+small fire for the convenience of heating curling-irons; and
+taking advantage of so favourable an opportunity for drying his
+pocket-handkerchief, produced it without loss of time. There he stood,
+during the whole interview, holding it before the bars, and sometimes,
+but not often, glancing over his shoulder.
+
+'My dear Chuzzlewit!' cried Montague, as Jonas entered. 'You rise with
+the lark. Though you go to bed with the nightingale, you rise with the
+lark. You have superhuman energy, my dear Chuzzlewit!'
+
+'Ecod!' said Jonas, with an air of langour and ill-humour, as he took
+a chair, 'I should be very glad not to get up with the lark, if I could
+help it. But I am a light sleeper; and it's better to be up than lying
+awake, counting the dismal old church-clocks, in bed.'
+
+'A light sleeper!' cried his friend. 'Now, what is a light sleeper?
+I often hear the expression, but upon my life I have not the least
+conception what a light sleeper is.'
+
+'Hallo!' said Jonas, 'Who's that? Oh, old what's-his-name: looking (as
+usual) as if he wanted to skulk up the chimney.'
+
+'Ha, ha! I have no doubt he does.'
+
+'Well! He's not wanted here, I suppose,' said Jonas. 'He may go, mayn't
+he?'
+
+'Oh, let him stay, let him stay!' said Tigg. 'He's a mere piece of
+furniture. He has been making his report, and is waiting for further
+orders. He has been told,' said Tigg, raising his voice, 'not to lose
+sight of certain friends of ours, or to think that he has done with them
+by any means. He understands his business.'
+
+'He need,' replied Jonas; 'for of all the precious old dummies in
+appearance that I ever saw, he's about the worst. He's afraid of me, I
+think.'
+
+'It's my belief,' said Tigg, 'that you are Poison to him. Nadgett! give
+me that towel!'
+
+He had as little occasion for a towel as Jonas had for a start. But
+Nadgett brought it quickly; and, having lingered for a moment, fell back
+upon his old post by the fire.
+
+'You see, my dear fellow,' resumed Tigg, 'you are too--what's the matter
+with your lips? How white they are!'
+
+'I took some vinegar just now,' said Jonas. 'I had oysters for my
+breakfast. Where are they white?' he added, muttering an oath, and
+rubbing them upon his handkerchief. 'I don't believe they ARE white.'
+
+'Now I look again, they are not,' replied his friend. 'They are coming
+right again.'
+
+'Say what you were going to say,' cried Jonas angrily, 'and let my face
+be! As long as I can show my teeth when I want to (and I can do that
+pretty well), the colour of my lips is not material.'
+
+'Quite true,' said Tigg. 'I was only going to say that you are too quick
+and active for our friend. He is too shy to cope with such a man as you,
+but does his duty well. Oh, very well! But what is a light sleeper?'
+
+'Hang a light sleeper!' exclaimed Jonas pettishly.
+
+'No, no,' interrupted Tigg. 'No. We'll not do that.'
+
+'A light sleeper ain't a heavy one,' said Jonas in his sulky way; 'don't
+sleep much, and don't sleep well, and don't sleep sound.'
+
+'And dreams,' said Tigg, 'and cries out in an ugly manner; and when the
+candle burns down in the night, is in an agony; and all that sort of
+thing. I see!'
+
+They were silent for a little time. Then Jonas spoke:
+
+'Now we've done with child's talk, I want to have a word with you. I
+want to have a word with you before we meet up yonder to-day. I am not
+satisfied with the state of affairs.'
+
+'Not satisfied!' cried Tigg. 'The money comes in well.'
+
+'The money comes in well enough,' retorted Jonas, 'but it don't come
+out well enough. It can't be got at easily enough. I haven't sufficient
+power; it is all in your hands. Ecod! what with one of your by-laws, and
+another of your by-laws, and your votes in this capacity, and your votes
+in that capacity, and your official rights, and your individual rights,
+and other people's rights who are only you again, there are no rights
+left for me. Everybody else's rights are my wrongs. What's the use of my
+having a voice if it's always drowned? I might as well be dumb, and
+it would be much less aggravating. I'm not a-going to stand that, you
+know.'
+
+'No!' said Tigg in an insinuating tone.
+
+'No!' returned Jonas, 'I'm not indeed. I'll play old Gooseberry with the
+office, and make you glad to buy me out at a good high figure, if you
+try any of your tricks with me.'
+
+'I give you my honour--' Montague began.
+
+'Oh! confound your honour,' interrupted Jonas, who became more coarse
+and quarrelsome as the other remonstrated, which may have been a part of
+Mr Montague's intention; 'I want a little more control over the money.
+You may have all the honour, if you like; I'll never bring you to book
+for that. But I'm not a-going to stand it, as it is now. If you should
+take it into your honourable head to go abroad with the bank, I don't
+see much to prevent you. Well! That won't do. I've had some very good
+dinners here, but they'd come too dear on such terms; and therefore,
+that won't do.'
+
+'I am unfortunate to find you in this humour,' said Tigg, with a
+remarkable kind of smile; 'for I was going to propose to you--for your
+own advantage; solely for your own advantage--that you should venture a
+little more with us.'
+
+'Was you, by G--?' said Jonas, with a short laugh.
+
+'Yes. And to suggest,' pursued Montague, 'that surely you have friends;
+indeed, I know you have; who would answer our purpose admirably, and
+whom we should be delighted to receive.'
+
+'How kind of you! You'd be delighted to receive 'em, would you?' said
+Jonas, bantering.
+
+'I give you my sacred honour, quite transported. As your friends,
+observe!'
+
+'Exactly,' said Jonas; 'as my friends, of course. You'll be very much
+delighted when you get 'em, I have no doubt. And it'll be all to my
+advantage, won't it?'
+
+'It will be very much to your advantage,' answered Montague poising a
+brush in each hand, and looking steadily upon him. 'It will be very much
+to your advantage, I assure you.'
+
+'And you can tell me how,' said Jonas, 'can't you?'
+
+'SHALL I tell you how?' returned the other.
+
+'I think you had better,' said Jonas. 'Strange things have been done
+in the Assurance way before now, by strange sorts of men, and I mean to
+take care of myself.'
+
+'Chuzzlewit!' replied Montague, leaning forward, with his arms upon his
+knees, and looking full into his face. 'Strange things have been done,
+and are done every day; not only in our way, but in a variety of other
+ways; and no one suspects them. But ours, as you say, my good friend,
+is a strange way; and we strangely happen, sometimes, to come into the
+knowledge of very strange events.'
+
+He beckoned to Jonas to bring his chair nearer; and looking slightly
+round, as if to remind him of the presence of Nadgett, whispered in his
+ear.
+
+From red to white; from white to red again; from red to yellow; then to
+a cold, dull, awful, sweat-bedabbled blue. In that short whisper, all
+these changes fell upon the face of Jonas Chuzzlewit; and when at last
+he laid his hand upon the whisperer's mouth, appalled, lest any syllable
+of what he said should reach the ears of the third person present, it
+was as bloodless and as heavy as the hand of Death.
+
+He drew his chair away, and sat a spectacle of terror, misery, and
+rage. He was afraid to speak, or look, or move, or sit still. Abject,
+crouching, and miserable, he was a greater degradation to the form he
+bore, than if he had been a loathsome wound from head to heel.
+
+His companion leisurely resumed his dressing, and completed it, glancing
+sometimes with a smile at the transformation he had effected, but never
+speaking once.
+
+'You'll not object,' he said, when he was quite equipped, 'to venture
+further with us, Chuzzlewit, my friend?'
+
+His pale lips faintly stammered out a 'No.'
+
+'Well said! That's like yourself. Do you know I was thinking yesterday
+that your father-in-law, relying on your advice as a man of great
+sagacity in money matters, as no doubt you are, would join us, if the
+thing were well presented to him. He has money?'
+
+'Yes, he has money.'
+
+'Shall I leave Mr Pecksniff to you? Will you undertake for Mr
+Pecksniff.'
+
+'I'll try. I'll do my best.'
+
+'A thousand thanks,' replied the other, clapping him upon the shoulder.
+'Shall we walk downstairs? Mr Nadgett! Follow us, if you please.'
+
+They went down in that order. Whatever Jonas felt in reference to
+Montague; whatever sense he had of being caged, and barred, and trapped,
+and having fallen down into a pit of deepest ruin; whatever thoughts
+came crowding on his mind even at that early time, of one terrible
+chance of escape, of one red glimmer in a sky of blackness; he no more
+thought that the slinking figure half-a-dozen stairs behind him was
+his pursuing Fate, than that the other figure at his side was his Good
+Angel.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
+
+CONTAINING SOME FURTHER PARTICULARS OF THE DOMESTIC ECONOMY OF THE
+PINCHES; WITH STRANGE NEWS FROM THE CITY, NARROWLY CONCERNING TOM
+
+
+Pleasant little Ruth! Cheerful, tidy, bustling, quiet little Ruth! No
+doll's house ever yielded greater delight to its young mistress, than
+little Ruth derived from her glorious dominion over the triangular
+parlour and the two small bedrooms.
+
+To be Tom's housekeeper. What dignity! Housekeeping, upon the commonest
+terms, associated itself with elevated responsibilities of all sorts and
+kinds; but housekeeping for Tom implied the utmost complication of
+grave trusts and mighty charges. Well might she take the keys out of
+the little chiffonier which held the tea and sugar; and out of the
+two little damp cupboards down by the fireplace, where the very black
+beetles got mouldy, and had the shine taken out of their backs by
+envious mildew; and jingle them upon a ring before Tom's eyes when he
+came down to breakfast! Well might she, laughing musically, put them
+up in that blessed little pocket of hers with a merry pride! For it was
+such a grand novelty to be mistress of anything, that if she had been
+the most relentless and despotic of all little housekeepers, she might
+have pleaded just that much for her excuse, and have been honourably
+acquitted.
+
+So far from being despotic, however, there was a coyness about her very
+way of pouring out the tea, which Tom quite revelled in. And when
+she asked him what he would like to have for dinner, and faltered
+out 'chops' as a reasonably good suggestion after their last
+night's successful supper, Tom grew quite facetious, and rallied her
+desperately.
+
+'I don't know, Tom,' said his sister, blushing, 'I am not quite
+confident, but I think I could make a beef-steak pudding, if I tried,
+Tom.'
+
+'In the whole catalogue of cookery, there is nothing I should like so
+much as a beef-steak pudding!' cried Tom, slapping his leg to give the
+greater force to this reply.
+
+'Yes, dear, that's excellent! But if it should happen not to come quite
+right the first time,' his sister faltered; 'if it should happen not
+to be a pudding exactly, but should turn out a stew, or a soup, or
+something of that sort, you'll not be vexed, Tom, will you?'
+
+The serious way in which she looked at Tom; the way in which Tom looked
+at her; and the way in which she gradually broke into a merry laugh at
+her own expense, would have enchanted you.
+
+'Why,' said Tom 'this is capital. It gives us a new, and quite an
+uncommon interest in the dinner. We put into a lottery for a beefsteak
+pudding, and it is impossible to say what we may get. We may make some
+wonderful discovery, perhaps, and produce such a dish as never was known
+before.'
+
+'I shall not be at all surprised if we do, Tom,' returned his sister,
+still laughing merrily, 'or if it should prove to be such a dish as we
+shall not feel very anxious to produce again; but the meat must come out
+of the saucepan at last, somehow or other, you know. We can't cook it
+into nothing at all; that's a great comfort. So if you like to venture,
+I will.'
+
+'I have not the least doubt,' rejoined Tom, 'that it will come out an
+excellent pudding, or at all events, I am sure that I shall think it so.
+There is naturally something so handy and brisk about you, Ruth, that
+if you said you could make a bowl of faultless turtle soup, I should
+believe you.'
+
+And Tom was right. She was precisely that sort of person. Nobody ought
+to have been able to resist her coaxing manner; and nobody had any
+business to try. Yet she never seemed to know it was her manner at all.
+That was the best of it.
+
+Well! she washed up the breakfast cups, chatting away the whole time,
+and telling Tom all sorts of anecdotes about the brass-and-copper
+founder; put everything in its place; made the room as neat as
+herself;--you must not suppose its shape was half as neat as hers
+though, or anything like it--and brushed Tom's old hat round and
+round and round again, until it was as sleek as Mr Pecksniff. Then she
+discovered, all in a moment, that Tom's shirt-collar was frayed at the
+edge; and flying upstairs for a needle and thread, came flying down
+again with her thimble on, and set it right with wonderful expertness;
+never once sticking the needle into his face, although she was humming
+his pet tune from first to last, and beating time with the fingers of
+her left hand upon his neckcloth. She had no sooner done this, than off
+she was again; and there she stood once more, as brisk and busy as a
+bee, tying that compact little chin of hers into an equally compact
+little bonnet; intent on bustling out to the butcher's, without a
+minute's loss of time; and inviting Tom to come and see the steak cut,
+with his own eyes. As to Tom, he was ready to go anywhere; so off they
+trotted, arm-in-arm, as nimbly as you please; saying to each other what
+a quiet street it was to lodge in, and how very cheap, and what an airy
+situation.
+
+To see the butcher slap the steak, before he laid it on the block, and
+give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly. It was
+agreeable, too--it really was--to see him cut it off, so smooth and
+juicy. There was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was large
+and keen; it was a piece of art, high art; there was delicacy of touch,
+clearness of tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading. It
+was the triumph of mind over matter; quite.
+
+Perhaps the greenest cabbage-leaf ever grown in a garden was wrapped
+about this steak, before it was delivered over to Tom. But the butcher
+had a sentiment for his business, and knew how to refine upon it. When
+he saw Tom putting the cabbage-leaf into his pocket awkwardly, he begged
+to be allowed to do it for him; 'for meat,' he said with some emotion,
+'must be humoured, not drove.'
+
+Back they went to the lodgings again, after they had bought some eggs,
+and flour, and such small matters; and Tom sat gravely down to write at
+one end of the parlour table, while Ruth prepared to make the pudding at
+the other end; for there was nobody in the house but an old woman (the
+landlord being a mysterious sort of man, who went out early in the
+morning, and was scarcely ever seen); and saving in mere household
+drudgery, they waited on themselves.
+
+'What are you writing, Tom?' inquired his sister, laying her hand upon
+his shoulder.
+
+'Why, you see, my dear,' said Tom, leaning back in his chair, and
+looking up in her face, 'I am very anxious, of course, to obtain some
+suitable employment; and before Mr Westlock comes this afternoon,
+I think I may as well prepare a little description of myself and my
+qualifications; such as he could show to any friend of his.'
+
+'You had better do the same for me, Tom, also,' said his sister, casting
+down her eyes. 'I should dearly like to keep house for you and take care
+of you always, Tom; but we are not rich enough for that.'
+
+'We are not rich,' returned Tom, 'certainly; and we may be much poorer.
+But we will not part if we can help it. No, no; we will make up our
+minds Ruth, that unless we are so very unfortunate as to render me quite
+sure that you would be better off away from me than with me, we will
+battle it out together. I am certain we shall be happier if we can
+battle it out together. Don't you think we shall?'
+
+'Think, Tom!'
+
+'Oh, tut, tut!' interposed Tom, tenderly. 'You mustn't cry.'
+
+'No, no; I won't, Tom. But you can't afford it, dear. You can't,
+indeed.'
+
+'We don't know that,' said Tom. 'How are we to know that, yet awhile,
+and without trying? Lord bless my soul!'--Tom's energy became quite
+grand--'there is no knowing what may happen, if we try hard. And I am
+sure we can live contentedly upon a very little--if we can only get it.'
+
+'Yes; that I am sure we can, Tom.'
+
+'Why, then,' said Tom, 'we must try for it. My friend, John Westlock, is
+a capital fellow, and very shrewd and intelligent. I'll take his advice.
+We'll talk it over with him--both of us together. You'll like John very
+much, when you come to know him, I am certain. Don't cry, don't cry. YOU
+make a beef-steak pudding, indeed!' said Tom, giving her a gentle push.
+'Why, you haven't boldness enough for a dumpling!'
+
+'You WILL call it a pudding, Tom. Mind! I told you not!'
+
+'I may as well call it that, till it proves to be something else,' said
+Tom. 'Oh, you are going to work in earnest, are you?'
+
+Aye, aye! That she was. And in such pleasant earnest, moreover, that
+Tom's attention wandered from his writing every moment. First, she
+tripped downstairs into the kitchen for the flour, then for the
+pie-board, then for the eggs, then for the butter, then for a jug of
+water, then for the rolling-pin, then for a pudding-basin, then for the
+pepper, then for the salt; making a separate journey for everything, and
+laughing every time she started off afresh. When all the materials were
+collected she was horrified to find she had no apron on, and so ran
+UPstairs by way of variety, to fetch it. She didn't put it on upstairs,
+but came dancing down with it in her hand; and being one of those little
+women to whom an apron is a most becoming little vanity, it took
+an immense time to arrange; having to be carefully smoothed down
+beneath--Oh, heaven, what a wicked little stomacher!--and to be gathered
+up into little plaits by the strings before it could be tied, and to
+be tapped, rebuked, and wheedled, at the pockets, before it would set
+right, which at last it did, and when it did--but never mind; this is
+a sober chronicle. And then, there were her cuffs to be tucked up, for
+fear of flour; and she had a little ring to pull off her finger, which
+wouldn't come off (foolish little ring!); and during the whole of these
+preparations she looked demurely every now and then at Tom, from under
+her dark eyelashes, as if they were all a part of the pudding, and
+indispensable to its composition.
+
+For the life and soul of him, Tom could get no further in his
+writing than, 'A respectable young man, aged thirty-five,' and this,
+notwithstanding the show she made of being supernaturally quiet, and
+going about on tiptoe, lest she should disturb him; which only served
+as an additional means of distracting his attention, and keeping it upon
+her.
+
+'Tom,' she said at last, in high glee. 'Tom!'
+
+'What now?' said Tom, repeating to himself, 'aged thirty-five!'
+
+'Will you look here a moment, please?'
+
+As if he hadn't been looking all the time!
+
+'I am going to begin, Tom. Don't you wonder why I butter the inside of
+the basin?' said his busy little sister.
+
+'Not more than you do, I dare say,' replied Tom, laughing. 'For I
+believe you don't know anything about it.'
+
+'What an infidel you are, Tom! How else do you think it would turn out
+easily when it was done! For a civil-engineer and land-surveyor not to
+know that! My goodness, Tom!'
+
+It was wholly out of the question to try to write. Tom lined out
+'respectable young man, aged thirty-five;' and sat looking on, pen in
+hand, with one of the most loving smiles imaginable.
+
+Such a busy little woman as she was! So full of self-importance and
+trying so hard not to smile, or seem uncertain about anything! It was a
+perfect treat to Tom to see her with her brows knit, and her rosy lips
+pursed up, kneading away at the crust, rolling it out, cutting it up
+into strips, lining the basin with it, shaving it off fine round the
+rim, chopping up the steak into small pieces, raining down pepper and
+salt upon them, packing them into the basin, pouring in cold water for
+gravy, and never venturing to steal a look in his direction, lest her
+gravity should be disturbed; until, at last, the basin being quite full
+and only wanting the top crust, she clapped her hands all covered with
+paste and flour, at Tom, and burst out heartily into such a charming
+little laugh of triumph, that the pudding need have had no other
+seasoning to commend it to the taste of any reasonable man on earth.
+
+'Where's the pudding?' said Tom. For he was cutting his jokes, Tom was.
+
+'Where!' she answered, holding it up with both hands. 'Look at it!'
+
+'THAT a pudding!' said Tom.
+
+'It WILL be, you stupid fellow, when it's covered in,' returned his
+sister. Tom still pretending to look incredulous, she gave him a tap on
+the head with the rolling-pin, and still laughing merrily, had returned
+to the composition of the top crust, when she started and turned very
+red. Tom started, too, for following her eyes, he saw John Westlock in
+the room.
+
+'Why, my goodness, John! How did YOU come in?'
+
+'I beg pardon,' said John--' your sister's pardon especially--but I met
+an old lady at the street door, who requested me to enter here; and as
+you didn't hear me knock, and the door was open, I made bold to do so.
+I hardly know,' said John, with a smile, 'why any of us should be
+disconcerted at my having accidentally intruded upon such an agreeable
+domestic occupation, so very agreeably and skillfully pursued; but I
+must confess that I am. Tom, will you kindly come to my relief?'
+
+'Mr John Westlock,' said Tom. 'My sister.'
+
+'I hope that, as the sister of so old a friend,' said John, laughing
+'you will have the goodness to detach your first impressions of me from
+my unfortunate entrance.'
+
+'My sister is not indisposed perhaps to say the same to you on her own
+behalf,' retorted Tom.
+
+John said, of course, that this was quite unnecessary, for he had been
+transfixed in silent admiration; and he held out his hand to Miss Pinch;
+who couldn't take it, however, by reason of the flour and paste upon her
+own. This, which might seem calculated to increase the general confusion
+and render matters worse, had in reality the best effect in the
+world, for neither of them could help laughing; and so they both found
+themselves on easy terms immediately.
+
+'I am delighted to see you,' said Tom. 'Sit down.'
+
+'I can only think of sitting down on one condition,' returned his
+friend; 'and that is, that your sister goes on with the pudding, as if
+you were still alone.'
+
+'That I am sure she will,' said Tom. 'On one other condition, and that
+is, that you stay and help us to eat it.'
+
+Poor little Ruth was seized with a palpitation of the heart when Tom
+committed this appalling indiscretion, for she felt that if the dish
+turned out a failure, she never would be able to hold up her head
+before John Westlock again. Quite unconscious of her state of mind,
+John accepted the invitation with all imaginable heartiness; and after a
+little more pleasantry concerning this same pudding, and the tremendous
+expectations he made believe to entertain of it, she blushingly resumed
+her occupation, and he took a chair.
+
+'I am here much earlier than I intended, Tom; but I will tell you, what
+brings me, and I think I can answer for your being glad to hear it. Is
+that anything you wish to show me?'
+
+'Oh dear no!' cried Tom, who had forgotten the blotted scrap of paper
+in his hand, until this inquiry brought it to his recollection. '"A
+respectable young man, aged thirty-five"--The beginning of a description
+of myself. That's all.'
+
+'I don't think you will have occasion to finish it, Tom. But how is it
+you never told me you had friends in London?'
+
+Tom looked at his sister with all his might; and certainly his sister
+looked with all her might at him.
+
+'Friends in London!' echoed Tom.
+
+'Ah!' said Westlock, 'to be sure.'
+
+'Have YOU any friends in London, Ruth, my dear!' asked Tom.
+
+'No, Tom.'
+
+'I am very happy to hear that I have,' said Tom, 'but it's news to me. I
+never knew it. They must be capital people to keep a secret, John.'
+
+'You shall judge for yourself,' returned the other. 'Seriously, Tom,
+here is the plain state of the case. As I was sitting at breakfast this
+morning, there comes a knock at my door.'
+
+'On which you cried out, very loud, "Come in!"' suggested Tom.
+
+'So I did. And the person who knocked, not being a respectable young
+man, aged thirty-five, from the country, came in when he was invited,
+instead of standing gaping and staring about him on the landing. Well!
+When he came in, I found he was a stranger; a grave, business-like,
+sedate-looking, stranger. "Mr Westlock?" said he. "That is my name,"
+said I. "The favour of a few words with you?" said he. "Pray be seated,
+sir," said I.'
+
+Here John stopped for an instant, to glance towards the table, where
+Tom's sister, listening attentively, was still busy with the basin,
+which by this time made a noble appearance. Then he resumed:
+
+'The pudding having taken a chair, Tom--'
+
+'What!' cried Tom.
+
+'Having taken a chair.'
+
+'You said a pudding.'
+
+'No, no,' replied John, colouring rather; 'a chair. The idea of a
+stranger coming into my rooms at half-past eight o'clock in the morning,
+and taking a pudding! Having taken a chair, Tom, a chair--amazed me by
+opening the conversation thus: "I believe you are acquainted, sir, with
+Mr Thomas Pinch?"
+
+'No!' cried Tom.
+
+'His very words, I assure you. I told him I was. Did I know where you
+were at present residing? Yes. In London? Yes. He had casually heard,
+in a roundabout way, that you had left your situation with Mr Pecksniff.
+Was that the fact? Yes, it was. Did you want another? Yes, you did.'
+
+'Certainly,' said Tom, nodding his head.
+
+'Just what I impressed upon him. You may rest assured that I set that
+point beyond the possibility of any mistake, and gave him distinctly to
+understand that he might make up his mind about it. Very well.'
+
+"Then," said he, "I think I can accommodate him."'
+
+Tom's sister stopped short.
+
+'Lord bless me!' cried Tom. 'Ruth, my dear, "think I can accommodate
+him."'
+
+'Of course I begged him,' pursued John Westlock, glancing at Tom's
+sister, who was not less eager in her interest than Tom himself, 'to
+proceed, and said that I would undertake to see you immediately. He
+replied that he had very little to say, being a man of few words,
+but such as it was, it was to the purpose--and so, indeed, it turned
+out--for he immediately went on to tell me that a friend of his was in
+want of a kind of secretary and librarian; and that although the salary
+was small, being only a hundred pounds a year, with neither board
+nor lodging, still the duties were not heavy, and there the post was.
+Vacant, and ready for your acceptance.'
+
+'Good gracious me!' cried Tom; 'a hundred pounds a year! My dear John!
+Ruth, my love! A hundred pounds a year!'
+
+'But the strangest part of the story,' resumed John Westlock, laying his
+hand on Tom's wrist, to bespeak his attention, and repress his ecstasies
+for the moment; 'the strangest part of the story, Miss Pinch, is this. I
+don't know this man from Adam; neither does this man know Tom.'
+
+'He can't,' said Tom, in great perplexity, 'if he's a Londoner. I don't
+know any one in London.'
+
+'And on my observing,' John resumed, still keeping his hand upon Tom's
+wrist, 'that I had no doubt he would excuse the freedom I took in
+inquiring who directed him to me; how he came to know of the change
+which had taken place in my friend's position; and how he came to be
+acquainted with my friend's peculiar fitness for such an office as he
+had described; he drily said that he was not at liberty to enter into
+any explanations.'
+
+'Not at liberty to enter into any explanations!' repeated Tom, drawing a
+long breath.
+
+'"I must be perfectly aware," he said,' John added, '"that to any person
+who had ever been in Mr Pecksniff's neighbourhood, Mr Thomas Pinch and
+his acquirements were as well known as the Church steeple, or the Blue
+Dragon."'
+
+'The Blue Dragon!' repeated Tom, staring alternately at his friend and
+his sister.
+
+'Aye, think of that! He spoke as familiarly of the Blue Dragon, I give
+you my word, as if he had been Mark Tapley. I opened my eyes, I can
+tell you, when he did so; but I could not fancy I had ever seen the man
+before, although he said with a smile, "You know the Blue Dragon, Mr
+Westlock; you kept it up there, once or twice, yourself." Kept it up
+there! So I did. You remember, Tom?'
+
+Tom nodded with great significance, and, falling into a state of deeper
+perplexity than before, observed that this was the most unaccountable
+and extraordinary circumstance he had ever heard of in his life.
+
+'Unaccountable?' his friend repeated. 'I became afraid of the man.
+Though it was broad day, and bright sunshine, I was positively afraid
+of him. I declare I half suspected him to be a supernatural visitor,
+and not a mortal, until he took out a common-place description of
+pocket-book, and handed me this card.'
+
+'Mr Fips,' said Tom, reading it aloud. 'Austin Friars. Austin Friars
+sounds ghostly, John.'
+
+'Fips don't, I think,' was John's reply. 'But there he lives, Tom, and
+there he expects us to call this morning. And now you know as much of
+this strange incident as I do, upon my honour.'
+
+Tom's face, between his exultation in the hundred pounds a year, and
+his wonder at this narration, was only to be equalled by the face of his
+sister, on which there sat the very best expression of blooming surprise
+that any painter could have wished to see. What the beef-steak pudding
+would have come to, if it had not been by this time finished, astrology
+itself could hardly determine.
+
+'Tom,' said Ruth, after a little hesitation, 'perhaps Mr Westlock, in
+his friendship for you, knows more of this than he chooses to tell.'
+
+'No, indeed!' cried John, eagerly. 'It is not so, I assure you. I wish
+it were. I cannot take credit to myself, Miss Pinch, for any such thing.
+All that I know, or, so far as I can judge, am likely to know, I have
+told you.'
+
+'Couldn't you know more, if you thought proper?' said Ruth, scraping the
+pie-board industriously.
+
+'No,' retorted John. 'Indeed, no. It is very ungenerous in you to be so
+suspicious of me when I repose implicit faith in you. I have unbounded
+confidence in the pudding, Miss Pinch.'
+
+She laughed at this, but they soon got back into a serious vein, and
+discussed the subject with profound gravity. Whatever else was obscure
+in the business, it appeared to be quite plain that Tom was offered a
+salary of one hundred pounds a year; and this being the main point, the
+surrounding obscurity rather set it off than otherwise.
+
+Tom, being in a great flutter, wished to start for Austin Friars
+instantly, but they waited nearly an hour, by John's advice, before they
+departed. Tom made himself as spruce as he could before leaving home,
+and when John Westlock, through the half-opened parlour door, had
+glimpses of that brave little sister brushing the collar of his coat in
+the passage, taking up loose stitches in his gloves and hovering lightly
+about and about him, touching him up here and there in the height of
+her quaint, little, old-fashioned tidiness, he called to mind the
+fancy-portraits of her on the wall of the Pecksniffian workroom, and
+decided with uncommon indignation that they were gross libels, and not
+half pretty enough; though, as hath been mentioned in its place, the
+artists always made those sketches beautiful, and he had drawn at least
+a score of them with his own hands.
+
+'Tom,' he said, as they were walking along, 'I begin to think you must
+be somebody's son.'
+
+'I suppose I am,' Tom answered in his quiet way.
+
+'But I mean somebody's of consequence.'
+
+'Bless your heart,' replied Tom, 'my poor father was of no consequence,
+nor my mother either.'
+
+'You remember them perfectly, then?'
+
+'Remember them? oh dear yes. My poor mother was the last. She died when
+Ruth was a mere baby, and then we both became a charge upon the savings
+of that good old grandmother I used to tell you of. You remember! Oh!
+There's nothing romantic in our history, John.'
+
+'Very well,' said John in quiet despair. 'Then there is no way of
+accounting for my visitor of this morning. So we'll not try, Tom.'
+
+They did try, notwithstanding, and never left off trying until they
+got to Austin Friars, where, in a very dark passage on the first floor,
+oddly situated at the back of a house, across some leads, they found a
+little blear-eyed glass door up in one corner, with Mr FIPS painted on
+it in characters which were meant to be transparent. There was also a
+wicked old sideboard hiding in the gloom hard by, meditating designs
+upon the ribs of visitors; and an old mat, worn into lattice work,
+which, being useless as a mat (even if anybody could have seen it, which
+was impossible), had for many years directed its industry into another
+channel, and regularly tripped up every one of Mr Fips's clients.
+
+Mr Fips, hearing a violent concussion between a human hat and his office
+door, was apprised, by the usual means of communication, that somebody
+had come to call upon him, and giving that somebody admission, observed
+that it was 'rather dark.'
+
+'Dark indeed,' John whispered in Tom Pinch's ear. 'Not a bad place to
+dispose of a countryman in, I should think, Tom.'
+
+Tom had been already turning over in his mind the possibility of their
+having been tempted into that region to furnish forth a pie; but the
+sight of Mr Fips, who was small and spare, and looked peaceable, and
+wore black shorts and powder, dispelled his doubts.
+
+'Walk in,' said Mr Fips.
+
+They walked in. And a mighty yellow-jaundiced little office Mr Fips
+had of it; with a great, black, sprawling splash upon the floor in one
+corner, as if some old clerk had cut his throat there, years ago, and
+had let out ink instead of blood.
+
+'I have brought my friend Mr Pinch, sir,' said John Westlock.
+
+'Be pleased to sit,' said Mr Fips.
+
+They occupied the two chairs, and Mr Fips took the office stool from the
+stuffing whereof he drew forth a piece of horse-hair of immense length,
+which he put into his mouth with a great appearance of appetite.
+
+He looked at Tom Pinch curiously, but with an entire freedom from any
+such expression as could be reasonably construed into an unusual
+display of interest. After a short silence, during which Mr Fips was
+so perfectly unembarrassed as to render it manifest that he could have
+broken it sooner without hesitation, if he had felt inclined to do so,
+he asked if Mr Westlock had made his offer fully known to Mr Pinch.
+
+John answered in the affirmative.
+
+'And you think it worth your while, sir, do you?' Mr Fips inquired of
+Tom.
+
+'I think it a piece of great good fortune, sir,' said Tom. 'I am
+exceedingly obliged to you for the offer.'
+
+'Not to me,' said Mr Fips. 'I act upon instructions.'
+
+'To your friend, sir, then,' said Tom. 'To the gentleman with whom I am
+to engage, and whose confidence I shall endeavour to deserve. When he
+knows me better, sir, I hope he will not lose his good opinion of me.
+He will find me punctual and vigilant, and anxious to do what is right.
+That I think I can answer for, and so,' looking towards him, 'can Mr
+Westlock.'
+
+'Most assuredly,' said John.
+
+Mr Fips appeared to have some little difficulty in resuming the
+conversation. To relieve himself, he took up the wafer-stamp, and began
+stamping capital F's all over his legs.
+
+'The fact is,' said Mr Fips, 'that my friend is not, at this present
+moment, in town.'
+
+Tom's countenance fell; for he thought this equivalent to telling him
+that his appearance did not answer; and that Fips must look out for
+somebody else.
+
+'When do you think he will be in town, sir?' he asked.
+
+'I can't say; it's impossible to tell. I really have no idea. But,' said
+Fips, taking off a very deep impression of the wafer-stamp upon the calf
+of his left leg, and looking steadily at Tom, 'I don't know that it's a
+matter of much consequence.'
+
+Poor Tom inclined his head deferentially, but appeared to doubt that.
+
+'I say,' repeated Mr Fips, 'that I don't know it's a matter of much
+consequence. The business lies entirely between yourself and me, Mr
+Pinch. With reference to your duties, I can set you going; and with
+reference to your salary, I can pay it. Weekly,' said Mr Fips, putting
+down the wafer-stamp, and looking at John Westlock and Tom Pinch by
+turns, 'weekly; in this office; at any time between the hours of four
+and five o'clock in the afternoon.' As Mr Fips said this, he made up his
+face as if he were going to whistle. But he didn't.
+
+'You are very good,' said Tom, whose countenance was now suffused with
+pleasure; 'and nothing can be more satisfactory or straightforward. My
+attendance will be required--'
+
+'From half-past nine to four o'clock or so, I should say,' interrupted
+Mr Fips. 'About that.'
+
+'I did not mean the hours of attendance,' retorted Tom, 'which are light
+and easy, I am sure; but the place.'
+
+'Oh, the place! The place is in the Temple.'
+
+Tom was delighted.
+
+'Perhaps,' said Mr Fips, 'you would like to see the place?'
+
+'Oh, dear!' cried Tom. 'I shall only be too glad to consider myself
+engaged, if you will allow me; without any further reference to the
+place.'
+
+'You may consider yourself engaged, by all means,' said Mr Fips; 'you
+couldn't meet me at the Temple Gate in Fleet Street, in an hour from
+this time, I suppose, could you?'
+
+Certainly Tom could.
+
+'Good,' said Mr Fips, rising. 'Then I will show you the place; and you
+can begin your attendance to-morrow morning. In an hour, therefore, I
+shall see you. You too, Mr Westlock? Very good. Take care how you go.
+It's rather dark.'
+
+With this remark, which seemed superfluous, he shut them out upon
+the staircase, and they groped their way into the street again. The
+interview had done so little to remove the mystery in which Tom's
+new engagement was involved, and had done so much to thicken it, that
+neither could help smiling at the puzzled looks of the other. They
+agreed, however, that the introduction of Tom to his new office and
+office companions could hardly fail to throw a light upon the subject;
+and therefore postponed its further consideration until after the
+fulfillment of the appointment they had made with Mr Fips.
+
+After looking at John Westlock's chambers, and devoting a few spare
+minutes to the Boar's Head, they issued forth again to the place of
+meeting. The time agreed upon had not quite come; but Mr Fips was
+already at the Temple Gate, and expressed his satisfaction at their
+punctuality.
+
+He led the way through sundry lanes and courts, into one more quiet and
+more gloomy than the rest, and, singling out a certain house, ascended
+a common staircase; taking from his pocket, as he went, a bunch of rusty
+keys. Stopping before a door upon an upper story, which had nothing
+but a yellow smear of paint where custom would have placed the
+tenant's name, he began to beat the dust out of one of these keys, very
+deliberately, upon the great broad handrail of the balustrade.
+
+'You had better have a little plug made,' he said, looking round at Tom,
+after blowing a shrill whistle into the barrel of the key. 'It's the
+only way of preventing them from getting stopped up. You'll find the
+lock go the better, too, I dare say, for a little oil.'
+
+Tom thanked him; but was too much occupied with his own speculations,
+and John Westlock's looks, to be very talkative. In the meantime Mr Fips
+opened the door, which yielded to his hand very unwillingly, and with a
+horribly discordant sound. He took the key out, when he had done so, and
+gave it to Tom.
+
+'Aye, aye!' said Mr Fips. 'The dust lies rather thick here.'
+
+Truly, it did. Mr Fips might have gone so far as to say, very thick.
+It had accumulated everywhere; lay deep on everything, and in one part,
+where a ray of sun shone through a crevice in the shutter and struck
+upon the opposite wall, it went twirling round and round, like a
+gigantic squirrel-cage.
+
+Dust was the only thing in the place that had any motion about it. When
+their conductor admitted the light freely, and lifting up the heavy
+window-sash, let in the summer air, he showed the mouldering furniture,
+discoloured wainscoting and ceiling, rusty stove, and ashy hearth, in
+all their inert neglect. Close to the door there stood a candlestick,
+with an extinguisher upon it; as if the last man who had been there
+had paused, after securing a retreat, to take a parting look at
+the dreariness he left behind, and then had shut out light and life
+together, and closed the place up like a tomb.
+
+There were two rooms on that floor; and in the first or outer one a
+narrow staircase, leading to two more above. These last were fitted
+up as bed-chambers. Neither in them, nor in the rooms below, was any
+scarcity of convenient furniture observable, although the fittings
+were of a bygone fashion; but solitude and want of use seemed to have
+rendered it unfit for any purposes of comfort, and to have given it a
+grisly, haunted air.
+
+Movables of every kind lay strewn about, without the least attempt at
+order, and were intermixed with boxes, hampers, and all sorts of lumber.
+On all the floors were piles of books, to the amount, perhaps, of some
+thousands of volumes: these, still in bales; those, wrapped in paper,
+as they had been purchased; others scattered singly or in heaps; not one
+upon the shelves which lined the walls. To these Mr Fips called Tom's
+attention.
+
+'Before anything else can be done, we must have them put in order,
+catalogued, and ranged upon the book-shelves, Mr Pinch. That will do to
+begin with, I think, sir.'
+
+Tom rubbed his hands in the pleasant anticipation of a task so congenial
+to his taste, and said:
+
+'An occupation full of interest for me, I assure you. It will occupy me,
+perhaps, until Mr--'
+
+'Until Mr--' repeated Fips; as much as to ask Tom what he was stopping
+for.
+
+'I forgot that you had not mentioned the gentleman's name,' said Tom.
+
+'Oh!' cried Mr Fips, pulling on his glove, 'didn't I? No, by-the-bye,
+I don't think I did. Ah! I dare say he'll be here soon. You will get on
+very well together, I have no doubt. I wish you success I am sure. You
+won't forget to shut the door? It'll lock of itself if you slam it.
+Half-past nine, you know. Let us say from half-past nine to four, or
+half-past four, or thereabouts; one day, perhaps, a little earlier,
+another day, perhaps, a little later, according as you feel disposed,
+and as you arrange your work. Mr Fips, Austin Friars of course you'll
+remember? And you won't forget to slam the door, if you please!'
+
+He said all this in such a comfortable, easy manner, that Tom could only
+rub his hands, and nod his head, and smile in acquiescence which he was
+still doing, when Mr Fips walked coolly out.
+
+'Why, he's gone!' cried Tom.
+
+'And what's more, Tom,' said John Westlock, seating himself upon a pile
+of books, and looking up at his astonished friend, 'he is evidently not
+coming back again; so here you are, installed. Under rather singular
+circumstances, Tom!'
+
+It was such an odd affair throughout, and Tom standing there among
+the books with his hat in one hand and the key in the other, looked
+so prodigiously confounded, that his friend could not help laughing
+heartily. Tom himself was tickled; no less by the hilarity of his friend
+than by the recollection of the sudden manner in which he had been
+brought to a stop, in the very height of his urbane conference with
+Mr Fips; so by degrees Tom burst out laughing too; and each making the
+other laugh more, they fairly roared.
+
+When they had had their laugh out, which did not happen very soon, for
+give John an inch that way and he was sure to take several ells, being
+a jovial, good-tempered fellow, they looked about them more closely,
+groping among the lumber for any stray means of enlightenment that might
+turn up. But no scrap or shred of information could they find. The books
+were marked with a variety of owner's names, having, no doubt, been
+bought at sales, and collected here and there at different times; but
+whether any one of these names belonged to Tom's employer, and, if so,
+which of them, they had no means whatever of determining. It occurred to
+John as a very bright thought to make inquiry at the steward's office,
+to whom the chambers belonged, or by whom they were held; but he came
+back no wiser than he went, the answer being, 'Mr Fips, of Austin
+Friars.'
+
+'After all, Tom, I begin to think it lies no deeper than this. Fips
+is an eccentric man; has some knowledge of Pecksniff; despises him, of
+course; has heard or seen enough of you to know that you are the man he
+wants; and engages you in his own whimsical manner.'
+
+'But why in his own whimsical manner?' asked Tom.
+
+'Oh! why does any man entertain his own whimsical taste? Why does Mr
+Fips wear shorts and powder, and Mr Fips's next-door neighbour boots and
+a wig?'
+
+Tom, being in that state of mind in which any explanation is a great
+relief, adopted this last one (which indeed was quite as feasible as any
+other) readily, and said he had no doubt of it. Nor was his faith at all
+shaken by his having said exactly the same thing to each suggestion of
+his friend's in turn, and being perfectly ready to say it again if he
+had any new solution to propose.
+
+As he had not, Tom drew down the window-sash, and folded the shutter;
+and they left the rooms. He closed the door heavily, as Mr Fips had
+desired him; tried it, found it all safe, and put the key in his pocket.
+
+They made a pretty wide circuit in going back to Islington, as they had
+time to spare, and Tom was never tired of looking about him. It was well
+he had John Westlock for his companion, for most people would have
+been weary of his perpetual stoppages at shop-windows, and his frequent
+dashes into the crowded carriage-way at the peril of his life, to get
+the better view of church steeples, and other public buildings. But John
+was charmed to see him so much interested, and every time Tom came back
+with a beaming face from among the wheels of carts and hackney-coaches,
+wholly unconscious of the personal congratulations addressed to him by
+the drivers, John seemed to like him better than before.
+
+There was no flour on Ruth's hands when she received them in the
+triangular parlour, but there were pleasant smiles upon her face, and a
+crowd of welcomes shining out of every smile, and gleaming in her bright
+eyes. By the bye, how bright they were! Looking into them for but
+a moment, when you took her hand, you saw, in each, such a capital
+miniature of yourself, representing you as such a restless, flashing,
+eager, brilliant little fellow--
+
+Ah! if you could only have kept them for your own miniature! But,
+wicked, roving, restless, too impartial eyes, it was enough for any one
+to stand before them, and, straightway, there he danced and sparkled
+quite as merrily as you!
+
+The table was already spread for dinner; and though it was spread with
+nothing very choice in the way of glass or linen, and with green-handled
+knives, and very mountebanks of two-pronged forks, which seemed to be
+trying how far asunder they could possibly stretch their legs without
+converting themselves into double the number of iron toothpicks, it
+wanted neither damask, silver, gold, nor china; no, nor any other
+garniture at all. There it was; and, being there, nothing else would
+have done as well.
+
+The success of that initiative dish; that first experiment of hers in
+cookery; was so entire, so unalloyed and perfect, that John Westlock and
+Tom agreed she must have been studying the art in secret for a long time
+past; and urged her to make a full confession of the fact. They were
+exceedingly merry over this jest, and many smart things were said
+concerning it; but John was not as fair in his behaviour as might
+have been expected, for, after luring Tom Pinch on for a long time,
+he suddenly went over to the enemy, and swore to everything his sister
+said. However, as Tom observed the same night before going to bed, it
+was only in joke, and John had always been famous for being polite
+to ladies, even when he was quite a boy. Ruth said, 'Oh! indeed!' She
+didn't say anything else.
+
+It is astonishing how much three people may find to talk about. They
+scarcely left off talking once. And it was not all lively chat which
+occupied them; for when Tom related how he had seen Mr Pecksniff's
+daughters, and what a change had fallen on the younger, they were very
+serious.
+
+John Westlock became quite absorbed in her fortunes; asking many
+questions of Tom Pinch about her marriage, inquiring whether her husband
+was the gentleman whom Tom had brought to dine with him at Salisbury;
+in what degree of relationship they stood towards each other, being
+different persons; and taking, in short, the greatest interest in the
+subject. Tom then went into it, at full length; he told how Martin had
+gone abroad, and had not been heard of for a long time; how Dragon Mark
+had borne him company; how Mr Pecksniff had got the poor old doting
+grandfather into his power; and how he basely sought the hand of Mary
+Graham. But not a word said Tom of what lay hidden in his heart; his
+heart, so deep, and true, and full of honour, and yet with so much room
+for every gentle and unselfish thought; not a word.
+
+Tom, Tom! The man in all this world most confident in his sagacity and
+shrewdness; the man in all this world most proud of his distrust of
+other men, and having most to show in gold and silver as the gains
+belonging to his creed; the meekest favourer of that wise doctrine,
+Every man for himself, and God for us all (there being high wisdom in
+the thought that the Eternal Majesty of Heaven ever was, or can be, on
+the side of selfish lust and love!); shall never find, oh, never find,
+be sure of that, the time come home to him, when all his wisdom is an
+idiot's folly, weighed against a simple heart!
+
+Well, well, Tom, it was simple too, though simple in a different way, to
+be so eager touching that same theatre, of which John said, when tea was
+done, he had the absolute command, so far as taking parties in without
+the payment of a sixpence was concerned; and simpler yet, perhaps, never
+to suspect that when he went in first, alone, he paid the money! Simple
+in thee, dear Tom, to laugh and cry so heartily at such a sorry show,
+so poorly shown; simple to be so happy and loquacious trudging home
+with Ruth; simple to be so surprised to find that merry present of
+a cookery-book awaiting her in the parlour next morning, with the
+beef-steak-pudding-leaf turned down and blotted out. There! Let
+the record stand! Thy quality of soul was simple, simple, quite
+contemptible, Tom Pinch!
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY
+
+THE PINCHES MAKE A NEW ACQUAINTANCE, AND HAVE FRESH OCCASION FOR
+SURPRISE AND WONDER
+
+
+There was a ghostly air about these uninhabited chambers in the Temple,
+and attending every circumstance of Tom's employment there, which had a
+strange charm in it. Every morning when he shut his door at Islington,
+he turned his face towards an atmosphere of unaccountable fascination,
+as surely as he turned it to the London smoke; and from that moment it
+thickened round and round him all day long, until the time arrived for
+going home again, and leaving it, like a motionless cloud, behind.
+
+It seemed to Tom, every morning, that he approached this ghostly
+mist, and became enveloped in it, by the easiest succession of degrees
+imaginable. Passing from the roar and rattle of the streets into the
+quiet court-yards of the Temple, was the first preparation. Every echo
+of his footsteps sounded to him like a sound from the old walls and
+pavements, wanting language to relate the histories of the dim, dismal
+rooms; to tell him what lost documents were decaying in forgotten
+corners of the shut-up cellars, from whose lattices such mouldy sighs
+came breathing forth as he went past; to whisper of dark bins of rare
+old wine, bricked up in vaults among the old foundations of the Halls;
+or mutter in a lower tone yet darker legends of the cross-legged
+knights, whose marble effigies were in the church. With the first
+planting of his foot upon the staircase of his dusty office, all these
+mysteries increased; until, ascending step by step, as Tom ascended,
+they attained their full growth in the solitary labours of the day.
+
+Every day brought one recurring, never-failing source of speculation.
+This employer; would he come to-day, and what would he be like? For
+Tom could not stop short at Mr Fips; he quite believed that Mr Fips had
+spoken truly, when he said he acted for another; and what manner of man
+that other was, became a full-blown flower of wonder in the garden of
+Tom's fancy, which never faded or got trodden down.
+
+At one time, he conceived that Mr Pecksniff, repenting of his falsehood,
+might, by exertion of his influence with some third person have
+devised these means of giving him employment. He found this idea so
+insupportable after what had taken place between that good man and
+himself, that he confided it to John Westlock on the very same day;
+informing John that he would rather ply for hire as a porter, than fall
+so low in his own esteem as to accept the smallest obligation from the
+hands of Mr Pecksniff. But John assured him that he (Tom Pinch) was far
+from doing justice to the character of Mr Pecksniff yet, if he supposed
+that gentleman capable of performing a generous action; and that he
+might make his mind quite easy on that head until he saw the sun turn
+green and the moon black, and at the same time distinctly perceived with
+the naked eye, twelve first-rate comets careering round those planets.
+In which unusual state of things, he said (and not before), it might
+become not absolutely lunatic to suspect Mr Pecksniff of anything
+so monstrous. In short he laughed the idea down completely; and Tom,
+abandoning it, was thrown upon his beam-ends again, for some other
+solution.
+
+In the meantime Tom attended to his duties daily, and made considerable
+progress with the books; which were already reduced to some sort of
+order, and made a great appearance in his fairly-written catalogue.
+During his business hours, he indulged himself occasionally with
+snatches of reading; which were often, indeed, a necessary part of
+his pursuit; and as he usually made bold to carry one of these goblin
+volumes home at night (always bringing it back again next morning, in
+case his strange employer should appear and ask what had become of it),
+he led a happy, quiet, studious kind of life, after his own heart.
+
+But though the books were never so interesting, and never so full of
+novelty to Tom, they could not so enchain him, in those mysterious
+chambers, as to render him unconscious, for a moment, of the lightest
+sound. Any footstep on the flags without set him listening attentively
+and when it turned into that house, and came up, up, up the stairs, he
+always thought with a beating heart, 'Now I am coming face to face with
+him at last!' But no footstep ever passed the floor immediately below:
+except his own.
+
+This mystery and loneliness engendered fancies in Tom's mind, the folly
+of which his common sense could readily discover, but which his common
+sense was quite unable to keep away, notwithstanding; that quality being
+with most of us, in such a case, like the old French Police--quick at
+detection, but very weak as a preventive power. Misgivings, undefined,
+absurd, inexplicable, that there was some one hiding in the inner
+room--walking softly overhead, peeping in through the door-chink, doing
+something stealthy, anywhere where he was not--came over him a
+hundred times a day, making it pleasant to throw up the sash, and hold
+communication even with the sparrows who had built in the roof and
+water-spout, and were twittering about the windows all day long.
+
+He sat with the outer door wide open, at all times, that he might hear
+the footsteps as they entered, and turned off into the chambers on the
+lower floor. He formed odd prepossessions too, regarding strangers in
+the streets; and would say within himself of such or such a man, who
+struck him as having anything uncommon in his dress or aspect, 'I
+shouldn't wonder, now, if that were he!' But it never was. And though
+he actually turned back and followed more than one of these suspected
+individuals, in a singular belief that they were going to the place he
+was then upon his way from, he never got any other satisfaction by it,
+than the satisfaction of knowing it was not the case.
+
+Mr Fips, of Austin Friars, rather deepened than illumined the obscurity
+of his position; for on the first occasion of Tom's waiting on him to
+receive his weekly pay, he said:
+
+'Oh! by the bye, Mr Pinch, you needn't mention it, if you please!'
+
+Tom thought he was going to tell him a secret; so he said that he
+wouldn't on any account, and that Mr Fips might entirely depend upon
+him. But as Mr Fips said 'Very good,' in reply, and nothing more, Tom
+prompted him:
+
+'Not on any account,' repeated Tom.
+
+Mr Fips repeated: 'Very good.'
+
+'You were going to say'--Tom hinted.
+
+'Oh dear no!' cried Fips. 'Not at all.' However, seeing Tom confused, he
+added, 'I mean that you needn't mention any particulars about your place
+of employment, to people generally. You'll find it better not.'
+
+'I have not had the pleasure of seeing my employer yet, sir,' observed
+Tom, putting his week's salary in his pocket.
+
+'Haven't you?' said Fips. 'No, I don't suppose you have though.'
+
+'I should like to thank him, and to know that what I have done so far,
+is done to his satisfaction,' faltered Tom.
+
+'Quite right,' said Mr Fips, with a yawn. 'Highly creditable. Very
+proper.'
+
+Tom hastily resolved to try him on another tack.
+
+'I shall soon have finished with the books,' he said. 'I hope that will
+not terminate my engagement, sir, or render me useless?'
+
+'Oh dear no!' retorted Fips. 'Plenty to do; plen-ty to do! Be careful
+how you go. It's rather dark.'
+
+This was the very utmost extent of information Tom could ever get out of
+HIM. So it was dark enough in all conscience; and if Mr Fips expressed
+himself with a double meaning, he had good reason for doing so.
+
+But now a circumstance occurred, which helped to divert Tom's thoughts
+from even this mystery, and to divide them between it and a new channel,
+which was a very Nile in itself.
+
+The way it came about was this. Having always been an early riser and
+having now no organ to engage him in sweet converse every morning,
+it was his habit to take a long walk before going to the Temple; and
+naturally inclining, as a stranger, towards those parts of the town
+which were conspicuous for the life and animation pervading them, he
+became a great frequenter of the market-places, bridges, quays, and
+especially the steam-boat wharves; for it was very lively and fresh
+to see the people hurrying away upon their many schemes of business or
+pleasure, and it made Tom glad to think that there was that much change
+and freedom in the monotonous routine of city lives.
+
+In most of these morning excursions Ruth accompanied him. As their
+landlord was always up and away at his business (whatever that might be,
+no one seemed to know) at a very early hour, the habits of the people
+of the house in which they lodged corresponded with their own. Thus they
+had often finished their breakfast, and were out in the summer air, by
+seven o'clock. After a two hours' stroll they parted at some convenient
+point; Tom going to the Temple, and his sister returning home, as
+methodically as you please.
+
+Many and many a pleasant stroll they had in Covent Garden Market;
+snuffing up the perfume of the fruits and flowers, wondering at the
+magnificence of the pineapples and melons; catching glimpses down side
+avenues, of rows and rows of old women, seated on inverted baskets,
+shelling peas; looking unutterable things at the fat bundles of
+asparagus with which the dainty shops were fortified as with a
+breastwork; and, at the herbalist's doors, gratefully inhaling scents
+as of veal-stuffing yet uncooked, dreamily mixed up with capsicums,
+brown-paper, seeds, even with hints of lusty snails and fine young curly
+leeches. Many and many a pleasant stroll they had among the poultry
+markets, where ducks and fowls, with necks unnaturally long, lay
+stretched out in pairs, ready for cooking; where there were speckled
+eggs in mossy baskets, white country sausages beyond impeachment by
+surviving cat or dog, or horse or donkey; new cheeses to any wild
+extent, live birds in coops and cages, looking much too big to be
+natural, in consequence of those receptacles being much too little;
+rabbits, alive and dead, innumerable. Many a pleasant stroll they
+had among the cool, refreshing, silvery fish-stalls, with a kind of
+moonlight effect about their stock-in-trade, excepting always for
+the ruddy lobsters. Many a pleasant stroll among the waggon-loads of
+fragrant hay, beneath which dogs and tired waggoners lay fast asleep,
+oblivious of the pieman and the public-house. But never half so good a
+stroll as down among the steamboats on a bright morning.
+
+There they lay, alongside of each other; hard and fast for ever, to all
+appearance, but designing to get out somehow, and quite confident of
+doing it; and in that faith shoals of passengers, and heaps of luggage,
+were proceeding hurriedly on board. Little steam-boats dashed up and
+down the stream incessantly. Tiers upon tiers of vessels, scores
+of masts, labyrinths of tackle, idle sails, splashing oars, gliding
+row-boats, lumbering barges, sunken piles, with ugly lodgings for
+the water-rat within their mud-discoloured nooks; church steeples,
+warehouses, house-roofs, arches, bridges, men and women, children,
+casks, cranes, boxes, horses, coaches, idlers, and hard-labourers; there
+they were, all jumbled up together, any summer morning, far beyond Tom's
+power of separation.
+
+In the midst of all this turmoil there was an incessant roar from every
+packet's funnel, which quite expressed and carried out the uppermost
+emotion of the scene. They all appeared to be perspiring and bothering
+themselves, exactly as their passengers did; they never left off
+fretting and chafing, in their own hoarse manner, once; but were always
+panting out, without any stops, 'Come along do make haste I'm very
+nervous come along oh good gracious we shall never get there how late
+you are do make haste I'm off directly come along!'
+
+Even when they had left off, and had got safely out into the current,
+on the smallest provocation they began again; for the bravest packet
+of them all, being stopped by some entanglement in the river, would
+immediately begin to fume and pant afresh, 'oh here's a stoppage what's
+the matter do go on there I'm in a hurry it's done on purpose did you
+ever oh my goodness DO go on here!' and so, in a state of mind bordering
+on distraction, would be last seen drifting slowly through the mist into
+the summer light beyond, that made it red.
+
+Tom's ship, however; or, at least, the packet-boat in which Tom and his
+sister took the greatest interest on one particular occasion; was not
+off yet, by any means; but was at the height of its disorder. The press
+of passengers was very great; another steam-boat lay on each side of
+her; the gangways were choked up; distracted women, obviously bound
+for Gravesend, but turning a deaf ear to all representations that this
+particular vessel was about to sail for Antwerp, persisted in secreting
+baskets of refreshments behind bulk-heads, and water-casks, and under
+seats; and very great confusion prevailed.
+
+It was so amusing, that Tom, with Ruth upon his arm, stood looking down
+from the wharf, as nearly regardless as it was in the nature of flesh
+and blood to be, of an elderly lady behind him, who had brought a large
+umbrella with her, and didn't know what to do with it. This tremendous
+instrument had a hooked handle; and its vicinity was first made known
+to him by a painful pressure on the windpipe, consequent upon its having
+caught him round the throat. Soon after disengaging himself with perfect
+good humour, he had a sensation of the ferule in his back; immediately
+afterwards, of the hook entangling his ankles; then of the umbrella
+generally, wandering about his hat, and flapping at it like a great
+bird; and, lastly, of a poke or thrust below the ribs, which give him
+such exceeding anguish, that he could not refrain from turning round to
+offer a mild remonstrance.
+
+Upon his turning round, he found the owner of the umbrella struggling
+on tip-toe, with a countenance expressive of violent animosity, to look
+down upon the steam-boats; from which he inferred that she had attacked
+him, standing in the front row, by design, and as her natural enemy.
+
+'What a very ill-natured person you must be!' said Tom.
+
+The lady cried out fiercely, 'Where's the pelisse!'--meaning the
+constabulary--and went on to say, shaking the handle of the umbrella
+at Tom, that but for them fellers never being in the way when they was
+wanted, she'd have given him in charge, she would.
+
+'If they greased their whiskers less, and minded the duties which
+they're paid so heavy for, a little more,' she observed, 'no one needn't
+be drove mad by scrouding so!'
+
+She had been grievously knocked about, no doubt, for her bonnet was bent
+into the shape of a cocked hat. Being a fat little woman, too, she was
+in a state of great exhaustion and intense heat. Instead of pursuing the
+altercation, therefore, Tom civilly inquired what boat she wanted to go
+on board of?
+
+'I suppose,' returned the lady, 'as nobody but yourself can want to look
+at a steam package, without wanting to go a-boarding of it, can they!
+Booby!'
+
+'Which one do you want to look at then?' said Tom. 'We'll make room for
+you if we can. Don't be so ill-tempered.'
+
+'No blessed creetur as ever I was with in trying times,' returned the
+lady, somewhat softened, 'and they're a many in their numbers, ever
+brought it as a charge again myself that I was anythin' but mild and
+equal in my spirits. Never mind a contradicting of me, if you seem
+to feel it does you good, ma'am, I often says, for well you know that
+Sairey may be trusted not to give it back again. But I will not denige
+that I am worrited and wexed this day, and with good reagion, Lord
+forbid!'
+
+By this time, Mrs Gamp (for it was no other than that experienced
+practitioner) had, with Tom's assistance, squeezed and worked herself
+into a small corner between Ruth and the rail; where, after breathing
+very hard for some little time, and performing a short series of
+dangerous evolutions with her umbrella, she managed to establish herself
+pretty comfortably.
+
+'And which of all them smoking monsters is the Ankworks boat, I wonder.
+Goodness me!' cried Mrs Gamp.
+
+'What boat did you want?' asked Ruth.
+
+'The Ankworks package,' Mrs Gamp replied. 'I will not deceive you, my
+sweet. Why should I?'
+
+'That is the Antwerp packet in the middle,' said Ruth.
+
+'And I wish it was in Jonadge's belly, I do,' cried Mrs Gamp; appearing
+to confound the prophet with the whale in this miraculous aspiration.
+
+Ruth said nothing in reply; but, as Mrs Gamp, laying her chin against
+the cool iron of the rail, continued to look intently at the Antwerp
+boat, and every now and then to give a little groan, she inquired
+whether any child of hers was going aboard that morning? Or perhaps her
+husband, she said kindly.
+
+'Which shows,' said Mrs Gamp, casting up her eyes, 'what a little way
+you've travelled into this wale of life, my dear young creetur! As a
+good friend of mine has frequent made remark to me, which her name,
+my love, is Harris, Mrs Harris through the square and up the steps
+a-turnin' round by the tobacker shop, "Oh Sairey, Sairey, little do we
+know wot lays afore us!" "Mrs Harris, ma'am," I says, "not much, it's
+true, but more than you suppoge. Our calcilations, ma'am," I says,
+"respectin' wot the number of a family will be, comes most times within
+one, and oftener than you would suppoge, exact." "Sairey," says Mrs
+Harris, in a awful way, "Tell me wot is my indiwidgle number." "No, Mrs
+Harris," I says to her, "ex-cuge me, if you please. My own," I says,
+"has fallen out of three-pair backs, and had damp doorsteps settled
+on their lungs, and one was turned up smilin' in a bedstead unbeknown.
+Therefore, ma'am," I says, "seek not to proticipate, but take 'em as
+they come and as they go." Mine,' says Mrs Gamp, 'mine is all gone, my
+dear young chick. And as to husbands, there's a wooden leg gone likeways
+home to its account, which in its constancy of walkin' into wine vaults,
+and never comin' out again 'till fetched by force, was quite as weak as
+flesh, if not weaker.'
+
+When she had delivered this oration, Mrs Gamp leaned her chin upon the
+cool iron again; and looking intently at the Antwerp packet, shook her
+head and groaned.
+
+'I wouldn't,' said Mrs Gamp, 'I wouldn't be a man and have such a think
+upon my mind!--but nobody as owned the name of man, could do it!'
+
+Tom and his sister glanced at each other; and Ruth, after a moment's
+hesitation, asked Mrs Gamp what troubled her so much.
+
+'My dear,' returned that lady, dropping her voice, 'you are single,
+ain't you?'
+
+Ruth laughed blushed, and said 'Yes.'
+
+'Worse luck,' proceeded Mrs Gamp, 'for all parties! But others is
+married, and in the marriage state; and there is a dear young creetur
+a-comin' down this mornin' to that very package, which is no more fit to
+trust herself to sea, than nothin' is!'
+
+She paused here to look over the deck of the packet in question, and on
+the steps leading down to it, and on the gangways. Seeming to have
+thus assured herself that the object of her commiseration had not yet
+arrived, she raised her eyes gradually up to the top of the escape-pipe,
+and indignantly apostrophised the vessel:
+
+'Oh, drat you!' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella at it, 'you're a
+nice spluttering nisy monster for a delicate young creetur to go and
+be a passinger by; ain't you! YOU never do no harm in that way, do
+you? With your hammering, and roaring, and hissing, and lamp-iling, you
+brute! Them Confugion steamers,' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her umbrella
+again, 'has done more to throw us out of our reg'lar work and bring
+ewents on at times when nobody counted on 'em (especially them
+screeching railroad ones), than all the other frights that ever was
+took. I have heerd of one young man, a guard upon a railway, only three
+years opened--well does Mrs Harris know him, which indeed he is her own
+relation by her sister's marriage with a master sawyer--as is godfather
+at this present time to six-and-twenty blessed little strangers, equally
+unexpected, and all on 'um named after the Ingeines as was the cause.
+Ugh!' said Mrs Gamp, resuming her apostrophe, 'one might easy know you
+was a man's inwention, from your disregardlessness of the weakness of
+our naturs, so one might, you brute!'
+
+It would not have been unnatural to suppose, from the first part of Mrs
+Gamp's lamentations, that she was connected with the stage-coaching or
+post-horsing trade. She had no means of judging of the effect of her
+concluding remarks upon her young companion; for she interrupted herself
+at this point, and exclaimed:
+
+'There she identically goes! Poor sweet young creetur, there she goes,
+like a lamb to the sacrifige! If there's any illness when that wessel
+gets to sea,' said Mrs Gamp, prophetically, 'it's murder, and I'm the
+witness for the persecution.'
+
+She was so very earnest on the subject, that Tom's sister (being as kind
+as Tom himself) could not help saying something to her in reply.
+
+'Pray, which is the lady,' she inquired, 'in whom you are so much
+interested?'
+
+'There!' groaned Mrs Gamp. 'There she goes! A-crossin' the little wooden
+bridge at this minute. She's a-slippin' on a bit of orangepeel!' tightly
+clutching her umbrella. 'What a turn it give me.'
+
+'Do you mean the lady who is with that man wrapped up from head to foot
+in a large cloak, so that his face is almost hidden?'
+
+'Well he may hide it!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'He's good call to be ashamed
+of himself. Did you see him a-jerking of her wrist, then?'
+
+'He seems to be hasty with her, indeed.'
+
+'Now he's a-taking of her down into the close cabin!' said Mrs Gamp,
+impatiently. 'What's the man about! The deuce is in him, I think. Why
+can't he leave her in the open air?'
+
+He did not, whatever his reason was, but led her quickly down and
+disappeared himself, without loosening his cloak, or pausing on the
+crowded deck one moment longer than was necessary to clear their way to
+that part of the vessel.
+
+Tom had not heard this little dialogue; for his attention had been
+engaged in an unexpected manner. A hand upon his sleeve had caused
+him to look round, just when Mrs Gamp concluded her apostrophe to the
+steam-engine; and on his right arm, Ruth being on his left, he found
+their landlord, to his great surprise.
+
+He was not so much surprised at the man's being there, as at his having
+got close to him so quietly and swiftly; for another person had been
+at his elbow one instant before; and he had not in the meantime been
+conscious of any change or pressure in the knot of people among whom he
+stood. He and Ruth had frequently remarked how noiselessly this landlord
+of theirs came into and went out of his own house; but Tom was not the
+less amazed to see him at his elbow now.
+
+'I beg your pardon, Mr Pinch,' he said in his ear. 'I am rather infirm,
+and out of breath, and my eyes are not very good. I am not as young as I
+was, sir. You don't see a gentleman in a large cloak down yonder, with a
+lady on his arm; a lady in a veil and a black shawl; do you?'
+
+If HE did not, it was curious that in speaking he should have singled
+out from all the crowd the very people whom he described; and should
+have glanced hastily from them to Tom, as if he were burning to direct
+his wandering eyes.
+
+'A gentleman in a large cloak!' said Tom, 'and a lady in a black shawl!
+Let me see!'
+
+'Yes, yes!' replied the other, with keen impatience. 'A gentleman
+muffled up from head to foot--strangely muffled up for such a morning
+as this--like an invalid, with his hand to his face at this minute,
+perhaps. No, no, no! not there,' he added, following Tom's gaze; 'the
+other way; in that direction; down yonder.' Again he indicated, but this
+time in his hurry, with his outstretched finger, the very spot on which
+the progress of these persons was checked at that moment.
+
+'There are so many people, and so much motion, and so many objects,'
+said Tom, 'that I find it difficult to--no, I really don't see a
+gentleman in a large cloak, and a lady in a black shawl. There's a lady
+in a red shawl over there!'
+
+'No, no, no!' cried his landlord, pointing eagerly again, 'not there.
+The other way; the other way. Look at the cabin steps. To the left. They
+must be near the cabin steps. Do you see the cabin steps? There's the
+bell ringing already! DO you see the steps?'
+
+'Stay!' said Tom, 'you're right. Look! there they go now. Is that the
+gentleman you mean? Descending at this minute, with the folds of a great
+cloak trailing down after him?'
+
+'The very man!' returned the other, not looking at what Tom pointed out,
+however, but at Tom's own face. 'Will you do me a kindness, sir, a great
+kindness? Will you put that letter in his hand? Only give him that!
+He expects it. I am charged to do it by my employers, but I am late in
+finding him, and, not being as young as I have been, should never be
+able to make my way on board and off the deck again in time. Will you
+pardon my boldness, and do me that great kindness?'
+
+His hands shook, and his face bespoke the utmost interest and agitation,
+as he pressed the letter upon Tom, and pointed to its destination, like
+the Tempter in some grim old carving.
+
+To hesitate in the performance of a good-natured or compassionate office
+was not in Tom's way. He took the letter; whispered Ruth to wait till
+he returned, which would be immediately; and ran down the steps with all
+the expedition he could make. There were so many people going down, so
+many others coming up, such heavy goods in course of transit to and
+fro, such a ringing of bell, blowing-off of steam, and shouting of men's
+voices, that he had much ado to force his way, or keep in mind to which
+boat he was going. But he reached the right one with good speed, and
+going down the cabin-stairs immediately, described the object of his
+search standing at the upper end of the saloon, with his back towards
+him, reading some notice which was hung against the wall. As Tom
+advanced to give him the letter, he started, hearing footsteps, and
+turned round.
+
+What was Tom's astonishment to find in him the man with whom he had had
+the conflict in the field--poor Mercy's husband. Jonas!
+
+Tom understood him to say, what the devil did he want; but it was not
+easy to make out what he said; he spoke so indistinctly.
+
+'I want nothing with you for myself,' said Tom; 'I was asked, a moment
+since, to give you this letter. You were pointed out to me, but I didn't
+know you in your strange dress. Take it!'
+
+He did so, opened it, and read the writing on the inside. The contents
+were evidently very brief; not more perhaps than one line; but they
+struck upon him like a stone from a sling. He reeled back as he read.
+
+His emotion was so different from any Tom had ever seen before that he
+stopped involuntarily. Momentary as his state of indecision was, the
+bell ceased while he stood there, and a hoarse voice calling down the
+steps, inquired if there was any to go ashore?
+
+'Yes,' cried Jonas, 'I--I am coming. Give me time. Where's that woman!
+Come back; come back here.'
+
+He threw open another door as he spoke, and dragged, rather than led,
+her forth. She was pale and frightened, and amazed to see her old
+acquaintance; but had no time to speak, for they were making a great
+stir above; and Jonas drew her rapidly towards the deck.
+
+'Where are we going? What is the matter?'
+
+'We are going back,' said Jonas. 'I have changed my mind. I can't go.
+Don't question me, or I shall be the death of you, or some one else.
+Stop there! Stop! We're for the shore. Do you hear? We're for the
+shore!'
+
+He turned, even in the madness of his hurry, and scowling darkly back
+at Tom, shook his clenched hand at him. There are not many human faces
+capable of the expression with which he accompanied that gesture.
+
+He dragged her up, and Tom followed them. Across the deck, over the
+side, along the crazy plank, and up the steps, he dragged her fiercely;
+not bestowing any look on her, but gazing upwards all the while among
+the faces on the wharf. Suddenly he turned again, and said to Tom with a
+tremendous oath:
+
+'Where is he?'
+
+Before Tom, in his indignation and amazement, could return an answer to
+a question he so little understood, a gentleman approached Tom behind,
+and saluted Jonas Chuzzlewit by name. He has a gentleman of foreign
+appearance, with a black moustache and whiskers; and addressed him with
+a polite composure, strangely different from his own distracted and
+desperate manner.
+
+'Chuzzlewit, my good fellow!' said the gentleman, raising his hat in
+compliment to Mrs Chuzzlewit, 'I ask your pardon twenty thousand times.
+I am most unwilling to interfere between you and a domestic trip of this
+nature (always so very charming and refreshing, I know, although I
+have not the happiness to be a domestic man myself, which is the great
+infelicity of my existence); but the beehive, my dear friend, the
+beehive--will you introduce me?'
+
+'This is Mr Montague,' said Jonas, whom the words appeared to choke.
+
+'The most unhappy and most penitent of men, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' pursued
+that gentleman, 'for having been the means of spoiling this excursion;
+but as I tell my friend, the beehive, the beehive. You projected a short
+little continental trip, my dear friend, of course?'
+
+Jonas maintained a dogged silence.
+
+'May I die,' cried Montague, 'but I am shocked! Upon my soul I am
+shocked. But that confounded beehive of ours in the city must be
+paramount to every other consideration, when there is honey to be made;
+and that is my best excuse. Here is a very singular old female dropping
+curtseys on my right,' said Montague, breaking off in his discourse,
+and looking at Mrs Gamp, 'who is not a friend of mine. Does anybody know
+her?'
+
+'Ah! Well they knows me, bless their precious hearts!' said Mrs Gamp,
+'not forgettin' your own merry one, sir, and long may it be so! Wishin'
+as every one' (she delivered this in the form of a toast or sentiment)
+'was as merry, and as handsome-lookin', as a little bird has whispered
+me a certain gent is, which I will not name for fear I give offence
+where none is doo! My precious lady,' here she stopped short in her
+merriment, for she had until now affected to be vastly entertained,
+'you're too pale by half!'
+
+'YOU are here too, are you?' muttered Jonas. 'Ecod, there are enough of
+you.'
+
+'I hope, sir,' returned Mrs Gamp, dropping an indignant curtsey, 'as no
+bones is broke by me and Mrs Harris a-walkin' down upon a public wharf.
+Which was the very words she says to me (although they was the last
+I ever had to speak) was these: "Sairey," she says, "is it a public
+wharf?" "Mrs Harris," I makes answer, "can you doubt it? You have know'd
+me now, ma'am, eight and thirty year; and did you ever know me go, or
+wish to go, where I was not made welcome, say the words." "No, Sairey,"
+Mrs Harris says, "contrairy quite." And well she knows it too. I am but
+a poor woman, but I've been sought after, sir, though you may not think
+it. I've been knocked up at all hours of the night, and warned out by
+a many landlords, in consequence of being mistook for Fire. I goes out
+workin' for my bread, 'tis true, but I maintains my independency, with
+your kind leave, and which I will till death. I has my feelins as a
+woman, sir, and I have been a mother likeways; but touch a pipkin as
+belongs to me, or make the least remarks on what I eats or drinks, and
+though you was the favouritest young for'ard hussy of a servant-gal as
+ever come into a house, either you leaves the place, or me. My earnins
+is not great, sir, but I will not be impoged upon. Bless the babe, and
+save the mother, is my mortar, sir; but I makes so free as add to that,
+Don't try no impogician with the Nuss, for she will not abear it!'
+
+Mrs Gamp concluded by drawing her shawl tightly over herself with both
+hands, and, as usual, referring to Mrs Harris for full corroboration of
+these particulars. She had that peculiar trembling of the head which,
+in ladies of her excitable nature, may be taken as a sure indication
+of their breaking out again very shortly; when Jonas made a timely
+interposition.
+
+'As you ARE here,' he said, 'you had better see to her, and take her
+home. I am otherwise engaged.' He said nothing more; but looked at
+Montague as if to give him notice that he was ready to attend him.
+
+'I am sorry to take you away,' said Montague.
+
+Jonas gave him a sinister look, which long lived in Tom's memory, and
+which he often recalled afterwards.
+
+'I am, upon my life,' said Montague. 'Why did you make it necessary?'
+
+With the same dark glance as before, Jonas replied, after a moment's
+silence:
+
+'The necessity is none of my making. You have brought it about
+yourself.'
+
+He said nothing more. He said even this as if he were bound, and in the
+other's power, but had a sullen and suppressed devil within him, which
+he could not quite resist. His very gait, as they walked away together,
+was like that of a fettered man; but, striving to work out at his
+clenched hands, knitted brows, and fast-set lips, was the same
+imprisoned devil still.
+
+They got into a handsome cabriolet which was waiting for them and drove
+away.
+
+The whole of this extraordinary scene had passed so rapidly and the
+tumult which prevailed around as so unconscious of any impression from
+it, that, although Tom had been one of the chief actors, it was like
+a dream. No one had noticed him after they had left the packet. He had
+stood behind Jonas, and so near him, that he could not help hearing all
+that passed. He had stood there, with his sister on his arm, expecting
+and hoping to have an opportunity of explaining his strange share in
+this yet stranger business. But Jonas had not raised his eyes from the
+ground; no one else had even looked towards him; and before he could
+resolve on any course of action, they were all gone.
+
+He gazed round for his landlord. But he had done that more than once
+already, and no such man was to be seen. He was still pursuing this
+search with his eyes, when he saw a hand beckoning to him from a
+hackney-coach; and hurrying towards it, found it was Merry's. She
+addressed him hurriedly, but bent out of the window, that she might not
+be overheard by her companion, Mrs Gamp.
+
+'What is it?' she said. 'Good heaven, what is it? Why did he tell me
+last night to prepare for a long journey, and why have you brought us
+back like criminals? Dear Mr Pinch!' she clasped her hands distractedly,
+'be merciful to us. Whatever this dreadful secret is, be merciful, and
+God will bless you!'
+
+'If any power of mercy lay with me,' cried Tom, 'trust me, you shouldn't
+ask in vain. But I am far more ignorant and weak than you.'
+
+She withdrew into the coach again, and he saw the hand waving towards
+him for a moment; but whether in reproachfulness or incredulity or
+misery, or grief, or sad adieu, or what else, he could not, being so
+hurried, understand. SHE was gone now; and Ruth and he were left to walk
+away, and wonder.
+
+Had Mr Nadgett appointed the man who never came, to meet him upon London
+Bridge that morning? He was certainly looking over the parapet, and
+down upon the steamboat-wharf at that moment. It could not have been
+for pleasure; he never took pleasure. No. He must have had some business
+there.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
+
+MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND, ARRIVING AT A PLEASANT UNDERSTANDING, SET FORTH
+UPON AN ENTERPRISE
+
+
+The office of the Anglo-Bengalee Disinterested Loan and Life Assurance
+Company being near at hand, and Mr Montague driving Jonas straight
+there, they had very little way to go. But the journey might have been
+one of several hours' duration, without provoking a remark from either;
+for it was clear that Jonas did not mean to break the silence which
+prevailed between them, and that it was not, as yet, his dear friend's
+cue to tempt them into conversation.
+
+He had thrown aside his cloak, as having now no motive for concealment,
+and with that garment huddled on his knees, sat as far removed from his
+companion as the limited space in such a carriage would allow. There
+was a striking difference in his manner, compared with what it had been,
+within a few minutes, when Tom encountered him so unexpectedly on board
+the packet, or when the ugly change had fallen on him in Mr Montague's
+dressing-room. He had the aspect of a man found out and held at bay;
+of being baffled, hunted, and beset; but there was now a dawning and
+increasing purpose in his face, which changed it very much. It was
+gloomy, distrustful, lowering; pale with anger and defeat; it still was
+humbled, abject, cowardly and mean; but, let the conflict go on as it
+would, there was one strong purpose wrestling with every emotion of his
+mind, and casting the whole series down as they arose.
+
+Not prepossessing in appearance at the best of times, it may be readily
+supposed that he was not so now. He had left deep marks of his front
+teeth in his nether lip; and those tokens of the agitation he had lately
+undergone improved his looks as little as the heavy corrugations in his
+forehead. But he was self-possessed now; unnaturally self-possessed,
+indeed, as men quite otherwise than brave are known to be in desperate
+extremities; and when the carriage stopped, he waited for no invitation,
+but leapt hardily out, and went upstairs.
+
+The chairman followed him; and closing the board-room door as soon as
+they had entered, threw himself upon a sofa. Jonas stood before the
+window, looking down into the street; and leaned against the sash,
+resting his head upon his arms.
+
+'This is not handsome, Chuzzlewit!' said Montague at length. 'Not
+handsome upon my soul!'
+
+'What would you have me do?' he answered, looking round abruptly; 'What
+do you expect?'
+
+'Confidence, my good fellow. Some confidence!' said Montague in an
+injured tone.
+
+'Ecod! You show great confidence in me,' retorted Jonas. 'Don't you?'
+
+'Do I not?' said his companion, raising his head, and looking at him,
+but he had turned again. 'Do I not? Have I not confided to you the easy
+schemes I have formed for our advantage; OUR advantage, mind; not mine
+alone; and what is my return? Attempted flight!'
+
+'How do you know that? Who said I meant to fly?'
+
+'Who said? Come, come. A foreign boat, my friend, an early hour, a
+figure wrapped up for disguise! Who said? If you didn't mean to jilt
+me, why were you there? If you didn't mean to jilt me, why did you come
+back?'
+
+'I came back,' said Jonas, 'to avoid disturbance.'
+
+'You were wise,' rejoined his friend.
+
+Jonas stood quite silent; still looking down into the street, and
+resting his head upon his arms.
+
+'Now, Chuzzlewit,' said Montague, 'notwithstanding what has passed I
+will be plain with you. Are you attending to me there? I only see your
+back.'
+
+'I hear you. Go on!'
+
+'I say that notwithstanding what has passed, I will be plain with you.'
+
+'You said that before. And I have told you once I heard you say it. Go
+on.'
+
+'You are a little chafed, but I can make allowance for that, and am,
+fortunately, myself in the very best of tempers. Now, let us see how
+circumstances stand. A day or two ago, I mentioned to you, my dear
+fellow, that I thought I had discovered--'
+
+'Will you hold your tongue?' said Jonas, looking fiercely round, and
+glancing at the door.
+
+'Well, well!' said Montague. 'Judicious! Quite correct! My discoveries
+being published, would be like many other men's discoveries in this
+honest world; of no further use to me. You see, Chuzzlewit, how
+ingenuous and frank I am in showing you the weakness of my own position!
+To return. I make, or think I make, a certain discovery which I take
+an early opportunity of mentioning in your ear, in that spirit of
+confidence which I really hoped did prevail between us, and was
+reciprocated by you. Perhaps there is something in it; perhaps there is
+nothing. I have my knowledge and opinion on the subject. You have yours.
+We will not discuss the question. But, my good fellow, you have been
+weak; what I wish to point out to you is, that you have been weak. I may
+desire to turn this little incident to my account (indeed, I do--I'll
+not deny it), but my account does not lie in probing it, or using it
+against you.'
+
+'What do you call using it against me?' asked Jonas, who had not yet
+changed his attitude.
+
+'Oh!' said Montague, with a laugh. 'We'll not enter into that.'
+
+'Using it to make a beggar of me. Is that the use you mean?'
+
+'No.'
+
+'Ecod,' muttered Jonas, bitterly. 'That's the use in which your account
+DOES lie. You speak the truth there.'
+
+'I wish you to venture (it's a very safe venture) a little more with
+us, certainly, and to keep quiet,' said Montague. 'You promised me you
+would; and you must. I say it plainly, Chuzzlewit, you MUST. Reason the
+matter. If you don't, my secret is worthless to me: and being so, it
+may as well become the public property as mine; better, for I shall
+gain some credit, bringing it to light. I want you, besides, to act as a
+decoy in a case I have already told you of. You don't mind that, I know.
+You care nothing for the man (you care nothing for any man; you are
+too sharp; so am I, I hope); and could bear any loss of his with
+pious fortitude. Ha, ha, ha! You have tried to escape from the first
+consequence. You cannot escape it, I assure you. I have shown you that
+to-day. Now, I am not a moral man, you know. I am not the least in the
+world affected by anything you may have done; by any little indiscretion
+you may have committed; but I wish to profit by it if I can; and to a
+man of your intelligence I make that free confession. I am not at all
+singular in that infirmity. Everybody profits by the indiscretion of his
+neighbour; and the people in the best repute, the most. Why do you give
+me this trouble? It must come to a friendly agreement, or an unfriendly
+crash. It must. If the former, you are very little hurt. If the
+latter--well! you know best what is likely to happen then.'
+
+Jonas left the window, and walked up close to him. He did not look
+him in the face; it was not his habit to do that; but he kept his eyes
+towards him--on his breast, or thereabouts--and was at great pains
+to speak slowly and distinctly in reply. Just as a man in a state of
+conscious drunkenness might be.
+
+'Lying is of no use now,' he said. 'I DID think of getting away this
+morning, and making better terms with you from a distance.'
+
+'To be sure! to be sure!' replied Montague. 'Nothing more natural. I
+foresaw that, and provided against it. But I am afraid I am interrupting
+you.'
+
+'How the devil,' pursued Jonas, with a still greater effort, 'you made
+choice of your messenger, and where you found him, I'll not ask you. I
+owed him one good turn before to-day. If you are so careless of men in
+general, as you said you were just now, you are quite indifferent to
+what becomes of such a crop-tailed cur as that, and will leave me to
+settle my account with him in my own manner.'
+
+If he had raised his eyes to his companion's face, he would have seen
+that Montague was evidently unable to comprehend his meaning. But
+continuing to stand before him, with his furtive gaze directed as
+before, and pausing here only to moisten his dry lips with his tongue,
+the fact was lost upon him. It might have struck a close observer that
+this fixed and steady glance of Jonas's was a part of the alteration
+which had taken place in his demeanour. He kept it riveted on one spot,
+with which his thoughts had manifestly nothing to do; like as a juggler
+walking on a cord or wire to any dangerous end, holds some object in his
+sight to steady him, and never wanders from it, lest he trip.
+
+Montague was quick in his rejoinder, though he made it at a venture.
+There was no difference of opinion between him and his friend on THAT
+point. Not the least.
+
+'Your great discovery,' Jonas proceeded, with a savage sneer that
+got the better of him for the moment, 'may be true, and may be false.
+Whichever it is, I dare say I'm no worse than other men.'
+
+'Not a bit,' said Tigg. 'Not a bit. We're all alike--or nearly so.'
+
+'I want to know this,' Jonas went on to say; 'is it your own? You'll not
+wonder at my asking the question.'
+
+'My own!' repeated Montague.
+
+'Aye!' returned the other, gruffly. 'Is it known to anybody else? Come!
+Don't waver about that.'
+
+'No!' said Montague, without the smallest hesitation. 'What would it be
+worth, do you think, unless I had the keeping of it?'
+
+Now, for the first time, Jonas looked at him. After a pause, he put out
+his hand, and said, with a laugh:
+
+'Come! make things easy to me, and I'm yours. I don't know that I may
+not be better off here, after all, than if I had gone away this morning.
+But here I am, and here I'll stay now. Take your oath!'
+
+He cleared his throat, for he was speaking hoarsely and said in a
+lighter tone:
+
+'Shall I go to Pecksniff? When? Say when!'
+
+'Immediately!' cried Montague. 'He cannot be enticed too soon.'
+
+'Ecod!' cried Jonas, with a wild laugh. 'There's some fun in catching
+that old hypocrite. I hate him. Shall I go to-night?'
+
+'Aye! This,' said Montague, ecstatically, 'is like business! We
+understand each other now! To-night, my good fellow, by all means.'
+
+'Come with me,' cried Jonas. 'We must make a dash; go down in state, and
+carry documents, for he's a deep file to deal with, and must be drawn
+on with an artful hand, or he'll not follow. I know him. As I can't
+take your lodgings or your dinners down, I must take you. Will you come
+to-night?'
+
+His friend appeared to hesitate; and neither to have anticipated this
+proposal, nor to relish it very much.
+
+'We can concert our plans upon the road,' said Jonas. 'We must not go
+direct to him, but cross over from some other place, and turn out of our
+way to see him. I may not want to introduce you, but I must have you on
+the spot. I know the man, I tell you.'
+
+'But what if the man knows me?' said Montague, shrugging his shoulders.
+
+'He know!' cried Jonas. 'Don't you run that risk with fifty men a day!
+Would your father know you? Did I know you? Ecod! You were another
+figure when I saw you first. Ha, ha, ha! I see the rents and patches
+now! No false hair then, no black dye! You were another sort of joker
+in those days, you were! You even spoke different then. You've acted
+the gentleman so seriously since, that you've taken in yourself. If he
+should know you, what does it matter? Such a change is a proof of your
+success. You know that, or you would not have made yourself known to me.
+Will you come?'
+
+'My good fellow,' said Montague, still hesitating, 'I can trust you
+alone.'
+
+'Trust me! Ecod, you may trust me now, far enough. I'll try to go away
+no more--no more!' He stopped, and added in a more sober tone, 'I can't
+get on without you. Will you come?'
+
+'I will,' said Montague, 'if that's your opinion.' And they shook hands
+upon it.
+
+The boisterous manner which Jonas had exhibited during the latter part
+of this conversation, and which had gone on rapidly increasing with
+almost every word he had spoken, from the time when he looked his
+honourable friend in the face until now, did not now subside, but,
+remaining at its height, abided by him. Most unusual with him at any
+period; most inconsistent with his temper and constitution; especially
+unnatural it would appear in one so darkly circumstanced; it abided by
+him. It was not like the effect of wine, or any ardent drink, for he was
+perfectly coherent. It even made him proof against the usual influence
+of such means of excitement; for, although he drank deeply several times
+that day, with no reserve or caution, he remained exactly the same man,
+and his spirits neither rose nor fell in the least observable degree.
+
+Deciding, after some discussion, to travel at night, in order that the
+day's business might not be broken in upon, they took counsel together
+in reference to the means. Mr Montague being of opinion that four horses
+were advisable, at all events for the first stage, as throwing a great
+deal of dust into people's eyes, in more senses than one, a travelling
+chariot and four lay under orders for nine o'clock. Jonas did not go
+home; observing, that his being obliged to leave town on business in
+so great a hurry, would be a good excuse for having turned back so
+unexpectedly in the morning. So he wrote a note for his portmanteau, and
+sent it by a messenger, who duly brought his luggage back, with a short
+note from that other piece of luggage, his wife, expressive of her wish
+to be allowed to come and see him for a moment. To this request he sent
+for answer, 'she had better;' and one such threatening affirmative being
+sufficient, in defiance of the English grammar, to express a negative,
+she kept away.
+
+Mr Montague being much engaged in the course of the day, Jonas bestowed
+his spirits chiefly on the doctor, with whom he lunched in the medical
+officer's own room. On his way thither, encountering Mr Nadgett in the
+outer room, he bantered that stealthy gentleman on always appearing
+anxious to avoid him, and inquired if he were afraid of him. Mr Nadgett
+slyly answered, 'No, but he believed it must be his way as he had been
+charged with much the same kind of thing before.'
+
+Mr Montague was listening to, or, to speak with greater elegance, he
+overheard, this dialogue. As soon as Jonas was gone he beckoned Nadgett
+to him with the feather of his pen, and whispered in his ear.
+
+'Who gave him my letter this morning?'
+
+'My lodger, sir,' said Nadgett, behind the palm of his hand.
+
+'How came that about?'
+
+'I found him on the wharf, sir. Being so much hurried, and you not
+arrived, it was necessary to do something. It fortunately occurred to
+me, that if I gave it him myself I could be of no further use. I should
+have been blown upon immediately.'
+
+'Mr Nadgett, you are a jewel,' said Montague, patting him on the back.
+'What's your lodger's name?'
+
+'Pinch, sir. Thomas Pinch.'
+
+Montague reflected for a little while, and then asked:
+
+'From the country, do you know?'
+
+'From Wiltshire, sir, he told me.'
+
+They parted without another word. To see Mr Nadgett's bow when Montague
+and he next met, and to see Mr Montague acknowledge it, anybody might
+have undertaken to swear that they had never spoken to each other
+confidentially in all their lives.
+
+In the meanwhile, Mr Jonas and the doctor made themselves very
+comfortable upstairs, over a bottle of the old Madeira and some
+sandwiches; for the doctor having been already invited to dine below at
+six o'clock, preferred a light repast for lunch. It was advisable, he
+said, in two points of view: First, as being healthy in itself. Secondly
+as being the better preparation for dinner.
+
+'And you are bound for all our sakes to take particular care of your
+digestion, Mr Chuzzlewit, my dear sir,' said the doctor smacking his
+lips after a glass of wine; 'for depend upon it, it is worth preserving.
+It must be in admirable condition, sir; perfect chronometer-work.
+Otherwise your spirits could not be so remarkable. Your bosom's lord
+sits lightly on its throne, Mr Chuzzlewit, as what's-his-name says in
+the play. I wish he said it in a play which did anything like common
+justice to our profession, by the bye. There is an apothecary in
+that drama, sir, which is a low thing; vulgar, sir; out of nature
+altogether.'
+
+Mr Jobling pulled out his shirt-frill of fine linen, as though he would
+have said, 'This is what I call nature in a medical man, sir;' and
+looked at Jonas for an observation.
+
+Jonas not being in a condition to pursue the subject, took up a case of
+lancets that was lying on the table, and opened it.
+
+'Ah!' said the doctor, leaning back in his chair, 'I always take 'em out
+of my pocket before I eat. My pockets are rather tight. Ha, ha, ha!'
+
+Jonas had opened one of the shining little instruments; and was
+scrutinizing it with a look as sharp and eager as its own bright edge.
+
+'Good steel, doctor. Good steel! Eh!'
+
+'Ye-es,' replied the doctor, with the faltering modesty of ownership.
+'One might open a vein pretty dexterously with that, Mr Chuzzlewit.'
+
+'It has opened a good many in its time, I suppose?' said Jonas looking
+at it with a growing interest.
+
+'Not a few, my dear sir, not a few. It has been engaged in a--in a
+pretty good practice, I believe I may say,' replied the doctor, coughing
+as if the matter-of-fact were so very dry and literal that he couldn't
+help it. 'In a pretty good practice,' repeated the doctor, putting
+another glass of wine to his lips.
+
+'Now, could you cut a man's throat with such a thing as this?' demanded
+Jonas.
+
+'Oh certainly, certainly, if you took him in the right place,' returned
+the doctor. 'It all depends upon that.'
+
+'Where you have your hand now, hey?' cried Jonas, bending forward to
+look at it.
+
+'Yes,' said the doctor; 'that's the jugular.'
+
+Jonas, in his vivacity, made a sudden sawing in the air, so close behind
+the doctor's jugular that he turned quite red. Then Jonas (in the same
+strange spirit of vivacity) burst into a loud discordant laugh.
+
+'No, no,' said the doctor, shaking his head; 'edge tools, edge tools;
+never play with 'em. A very remarkable instance of the skillful use of
+edge-tools, by the way, occurs to me at this moment. It was a case of
+murder. I am afraid it was a case of murder, committed by a member of
+our profession; it was so artistically done.'
+
+'Aye!' said Jonas. 'How was that?'
+
+'Why, sir,' returned Jobling, 'the thing lies in a nutshell. A certain
+gentleman was found, one morning, in an obscure street, lying in
+an angle of a doorway--I should rather say, leaning, in an upright
+position, in the angle of a doorway, and supported consequently by the
+doorway. Upon his waistcoat there was one solitary drop of blood. He was
+dead and cold; and had been murdered, sir.'
+
+'Only one drop of blood!' said Jonas.
+
+'Sir, that man,' replied the doctor, 'had been stabbed to the heart.
+Had been stabbed to the heart with such dexterity, sir, that he had
+died instantly, and had bled internally. It was supposed that a
+medical friend of his (to whom suspicion attached) had engaged him in
+conversation on some pretence; had taken him, very likely, by the button
+in a conversational manner; had examined his ground at leisure with
+his other hand; had marked the exact spot; drawn out the instrument,
+whatever it was, when he was quite prepared; and--'
+
+'And done the trick,' suggested Jonas.
+
+'Exactly so,' replied the doctor. 'It was quite an operation in its way,
+and very neat. The medical friend never turned up; and, as I tell you,
+he had the credit of it. Whether he did it or not I can't say.
+But, having had the honour to be called in with two or three of my
+professional brethren on the occasion, and having assisted to make a
+careful examination of the wound, I have no hesitation in saying that
+it would have reflected credit on any medical man; and that in an
+unprofessional person it could not but be considered, either as an
+extraordinary work of art, or the result of a still more extraordinary,
+happy, and favourable conjunction of circumstances.'
+
+His hearer was so much interested in this case, that the doctor went
+on to elucidate it with the assistance of his own finger and thumb and
+waistcoat; and at Jonas's request, he took the further trouble of going
+into a corner of the room, and alternately representing the murdered
+man and the murderer; which he did with great effect. The bottle being
+emptied and the story done, Jonas was in precisely the same boisterous
+and unusual state as when they had sat down. If, as Jobling theorized,
+his good digestion were the cause, he must have been a very ostrich.
+
+At dinner it was just the same; and after dinner too; though wine was
+drunk in abundance, and various rich meats eaten. At nine o'clock it was
+still the same. There being a lamp in the carriage, he swore they would
+take a pack of cards, and a bottle of wine; and with these things under
+his cloak, went down to the door.
+
+'Out of the way, Tom Thumb, and get to bed!'
+
+This was the salutation he bestowed on Mr Bailey, who, booted and
+wrapped up, stood at the carriage door to help him in.
+
+'To bed, sir! I'm a-going, too,' said Bailey.
+
+He alighted quickly, and walked back into the hall, where Montague was
+lighting a cigar; conducting Mr Bailey with him, by the collar.
+
+'You are not a-going to take this monkey of a boy, are you?'
+
+'Yes,' said Montague.
+
+He gave the boy a shake, and threw him roughly aside. There was more of
+his familiar self in the action, than in anything he had done that day;
+but he broke out laughing immediately afterwards, and making a thrust
+at the doctor with his hand, in imitation of his representation of the
+medical friend, went out to the carriage again, and took his seat. His
+companion followed immediately. Mr Bailey climbed into the rumble. 'It
+will be a stormy night!' exclaimed the doctor, as they started.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
+
+CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND
+
+
+The doctor's prognostication in reference to the weather was speedily
+verified. Although the weather was not a patient of his, and no third
+party had required him to give an opinion on the case, the quick
+fulfilment of his prophecy may be taken as an instance of his
+professional tact; for, unless the threatening aspect of the night
+had been perfectly plain and unmistakable, Mr Jobling would never have
+compromised his reputation by delivering any sentiments on the subject.
+He used this principle in Medicine with too much success to be unmindful
+of it in his commonest transactions.
+
+It was one of those hot, silent nights, when people sit at windows
+listening for the thunder which they know will shortly break; when
+they recall dismal tales of hurricanes and earthquakes; and of lonely
+travellers on open plains, and lonely ships at sea, struck by lightning.
+Lightning flashed and quivered on the black horizon even now; and hollow
+murmurings were in the wind, as though it had been blowing where the
+thunder rolled, and still was charged with its exhausted echoes. But the
+storm, though gathering swiftly, had not yet come up; and the prevailing
+stillness was the more solemn, from the dull intelligence that seemed to
+hover in the air, of noise and conflict afar off.
+
+It was very dark; but in the murky sky there were masses of cloud which
+shone with a lurid light, like monstrous heaps of copper that had been
+heated in a furnace, and were growing cold. These had been advancing
+steadily and slowly, but they were now motionless, or nearly so. As the
+carriage clattered round the corners of the streets, it passed at every
+one a knot of persons who had come there--many from their houses close
+at hand, without hats--to look up at that quarter of the sky. And now a
+very few large drops of rain began to fall, and thunder rumbled in the
+distance.
+
+Jonas sat in a corner of the carriage with his bottle resting on his
+knee, and gripped as tightly in his hand as if he would have ground its
+neck to powder if he could. Instinctively attracted by the night, he
+had laid aside the pack of cards upon the cushion; and with the same
+involuntary impulse, so intelligible to both of them as not to occasion
+a remark on either side, his companion had extinguished the lamp. The
+front glasses were down; and they sat looking silently out upon the
+gloomy scene before them.
+
+They were clear of London, or as clear of it as travellers can be whose
+way lies on the Western Road, within a stage of that enormous city.
+Occasionally they encountered a foot-passenger, hurrying to the nearest
+place of shelter; or some unwieldy cart proceeding onward at a heavy
+trot, with the same end in view. Little clusters of such vehicles were
+gathered round the stable-yard or baiting-place of every wayside tavern;
+while their drivers watched the weather from the doors and open windows,
+or made merry within. Everywhere the people were disposed to bear each
+other company rather than sit alone; so that groups of watchful faces
+seemed to be looking out upon the night AND THEM, from almost every
+house they passed.
+
+It may appear strange that this should have disturbed Jonas, or rendered
+him uneasy; but it did. After muttering to himself, and often changing
+his position, he drew up the blind on his side of the carriage, and
+turned his shoulder sulkily towards it. But he neither looked at his
+companion, nor broke the silence which prevailed between them, and which
+had fallen so suddenly upon himself, by addressing a word to him.
+
+The thunder rolled, the lightning flashed; the rain poured down like
+Heaven's wrath. Surrounded at one moment by intolerable light, and
+at the next by pitchy darkness, they still pressed forward on their
+journey. Even when they arrived at the end of the stage, and might have
+tarried, they did not; but ordered horses out immediately. Nor had this
+any reference to some five minutes' lull, which at that time seemed to
+promise a cessation of the storm. They held their course as if they were
+impelled and driven by its fury. Although they had not exchanged a dozen
+words, and might have tarried very well, they seemed to feel, by joint
+consent, that onward they must go.
+
+Louder and louder the deep thunder rolled, as through the myriad
+halls of some vast temple in the sky; fiercer and brighter became the
+lightning, more and more heavily the rain poured down. The horses (they
+were travelling now with a single pair) plunged and started from the
+rills of quivering fire that seemed to wind along the ground before
+them; but there these two men sat, and forward they went as if they were
+led on by an invisible attraction.
+
+The eye, partaking of the quickness of the flashing light, saw in its
+every gleam a multitude of objects which it could not see at steady noon
+in fifty times that period. Bells in steeples, with the rope and wheel
+that moved them; ragged nests of birds in cornices and nooks; faces full
+of consternation in the tilted waggons that came tearing past; their
+frightened teams ringing out a warning which the thunder drowned;
+harrows and ploughs left out in fields; miles upon miles of
+hedge-divided country, with the distant fringe of trees as obvious as
+the scarecrow in the bean-field close at hand; in a trembling, vivid,
+flickering instant, everything was clear and plain; then came a flush
+of red into the yellow light; a change to blue; a brightness so
+intense that there was nothing else but light; and then the deepest and
+profoundest darkness.
+
+The lightning being very crooked and very dazzling may have presented
+or assisted a curious optical illusion, which suddenly rose before the
+startled eyes of Montague in the carriage, and as rapidly disappeared.
+He thought he saw Jonas with his hand lifted, and the bottle clenched in
+it like a hammer, making as if he would aim a blow at his head. At the
+same time he observed (or so believed) an expression in his face--a
+combination of the unnatural excitement he had shown all day, with a
+wild hatred and fear--which might have rendered a wolf a less terrible
+companion.
+
+He uttered an involuntary exclamation, and called to the driver, who
+brought his horses to a stop with all speed.
+
+It could hardly have been as he supposed, for although he had not taken
+his eyes off his companion, and had not seen him move, he sat reclining
+in his corner as before.
+
+'What's the matter?' said Jonas. 'Is that your general way of waking out
+of your sleep?'
+
+'I could swear,' returned the other, 'that I have not closed my eyes!'
+
+'When you have sworn it,' said Jonas, composedly, 'we had better go on
+again, if you have only stopped for that.'
+
+He uncorked the bottle with the help of his teeth; and putting it to his
+lips, took a long draught.
+
+'I wish we had never started on this journey. This is not,' said
+Montague, recoiling instinctively, and speaking in a voice that betrayed
+his agitation; 'this is not a night to travel in.'
+
+'Ecod! you're right there,' returned Jonas, 'and we shouldn't be out
+in it but for you. If you hadn't kept me waiting all day, we might have
+been at Salisbury by this time; snug abed and fast asleep. What are we
+stopping for?'
+
+His companion put his head out of window for a moment, and drawing it in
+again, observed (as if that were his cause of anxiety), that the boy was
+drenched to the skin.
+
+'Serve him right,' said Jonas. 'I'm glad of it. What the devil are we
+stopping for? Are you going to spread him out to dry?'
+
+'I have half a mind to take him inside,' observed the other with some
+hesitation.
+
+'Oh! thankee!' said Jonas. 'We don't want any damp boys here; especially
+a young imp like him. Let him be where he is. He ain't afraid of a
+little thunder and lightning, I dare say; whoever else is. Go on,
+driver. We had better have HIM inside perhaps,' he muttered with a
+laugh; 'and the horses!'
+
+'Don't go too fast,' cried Montague to the postillion; 'and take care
+how you go. You were nearly in the ditch when I called to you.'
+
+This was not true; and Jonas bluntly said so, as they moved forward
+again. Montague took little or no heed of what he said, but repeated
+that it was not a night for travelling, and showed himself, both then
+and afterwards, unusually anxious.
+
+From this time Jonas recovered his former spirits, if such a term may be
+employed to express the state in which he had left the city. He had his
+bottle often at his mouth; roared out snatches of songs, without the
+least regard to time or tune or voice, or anything but loud discordance;
+and urged his silent friend to be merry with him.
+
+'You're the best company in the world, my good fellow,' said Montague
+with an effort, 'and in general irresistible; but to-night--do you hear
+it?'
+
+'Ecod! I hear and see it too,' cried Jonas, shading his eyes, for the
+moment, from the lightning which was flashing, not in any one direction,
+but all around them. 'What of that? It don't change you, nor me, nor our
+affairs. Chorus, chorus,
+
+              It may lighten and storm,
+              Till it hunt the red worm
+     From the grass where the gibbet is driven;
+              But it can't hurt the dead,
+              And it won't save the head
+     That is doom'd to be rifled and riven.
+
+That must be a precious old song,' he added with an oath, as he stopped
+short in a kind of wonder at himself. 'I haven't heard it since I was
+a boy, and how it comes into my head now, unless the lightning put it
+there, I don't know. "Can't hurt the dead"! No, no. "And won't save the
+head"! No, no. No! Ha, ha, ha!'
+
+His mirth was of such a savage and extraordinary character, and was,
+in an inexplicable way, at once so suited to the night, and yet such
+a coarse intrusion on its terrors, that his fellow-traveller, always
+a coward, shrunk from him in positive fear. Instead of Jonas being his
+tool and instrument, their places seemed to be reversed. But there was
+reason for this too, Montague thought; since the sense of his debasement
+might naturally inspire such a man with the wish to assert a noisy
+independence, and in that licence to forget his real condition. Being
+quick enough, in reference to such subjects of contemplation, he was not
+long in taking this argument into account and giving it its full weight.
+But still, he felt a vague sense of alarm, and was depressed and uneasy.
+
+He was certain he had not been asleep; but his eyes might have deceived
+him; for, looking at Jonas now in any interval of darkness, he could
+represent his figure to himself in any attitude his state of mind
+suggested. On the other hand, he knew full well that Jonas had no
+reason to love him; and even taking the piece of pantomime which had
+so impressed his mind to be a real gesture, and not the working of
+his fancy, the most that could be said of it was, that it was quite in
+keeping with the rest of his diabolical fun, and had the same impotent
+expression of truth in it. 'If he could kill me with a wish,' thought
+the swindler, 'I should not live long.'
+
+He resolved that when he should have had his use of Jonas, he would
+restrain him with an iron curb; in the meantime, that he could not do
+better than leave him to take his own way, and preserve his own peculiar
+description of good-humour, after his own uncommon manner. It was no
+great sacrifice to bear with him; 'for when all is got that can be got,'
+thought Montague, 'I shall decamp across the water, and have the laugh
+on my side--and the gains.'
+
+Such were his reflections from hour to hour; his state of mind being one
+in which the same thoughts constantly present themselves over and
+over again in wearisome repetition; while Jonas, who appeared to have
+dismissed reflection altogether, entertained himself as before.
+They agreed that they would go to Salisbury, and would cross to Mr
+Pecksniff's in the morning; and at the prospect of deluding that worthy
+gentleman, the spirits of his amiable son-in-law became more boisterous
+than ever.
+
+As the night wore on, the thunder died away, but still rolled
+gloomily and mournfully in the distance. The lightning too, though now
+comparatively harmless, was yet bright and frequent. The rain was quite
+as violent as it had ever been.
+
+It was their ill-fortune, at about the time of dawn and in the last
+stage of their journey, to have a restive pair of horses. These animals
+had been greatly terrified in their stable by the tempest; and coming
+out into the dreary interval between night and morning, when the glare
+of the lightning was yet unsubdued by day, and the various objects in
+their view were presented in indistinct and exaggerated shapes which
+they would not have worn by night, they gradually became less and less
+capable of control; until, taking a sudden fright at something by the
+roadside, they dashed off wildly down a steep hill, flung the driver
+from his saddle, drew the carriage to the brink of a ditch, stumbled
+headlong down, and threw it crashing over.
+
+The travellers had opened the carriage door, and had either jumped or
+fallen out. Jonas was the first to stagger to his feet. He felt sick and
+weak, and very giddy, and reeling to a five-barred gate, stood holding
+by it; looking drowsily about as the whole landscape swam before his
+eyes. But, by degrees, he grew more conscious, and presently observed
+that Montague was lying senseless in the road, within a few feet of the
+horses.
+
+In an instant, as if his own faint body were suddenly animated by a
+demon, he ran to the horses' heads; and pulling at their bridles with
+all his force, set them struggling and plunging with such mad violence
+as brought their hoofs at every effort nearer to the skull of the
+prostrate man; and must have led in half a minute to his brains being
+dashed out on the highway.
+
+As he did this, he fought and contended with them like a man possessed,
+making them wilder by his cries.
+
+'Whoop!' cried Jonas. 'Whoop! again! another! A little more, a little
+more! Up, ye devils! Hillo!'
+
+As he heard the driver, who had risen and was hurrying up, crying to him
+to desist, his violence increased.
+
+'Hiilo! Hillo!' cried Jonas.
+
+'For God's sake!' cried the driver. 'The gentleman--in the road--he'll
+be killed!'
+
+The same shouts and the same struggles were his only answer. But the man
+darting in at the peril of his own life, saved Montague's, by dragging
+him through the mire and water out of the reach of present harm. That
+done, he ran to Jonas; and with the aid of his knife they very shortly
+disengaged the horses from the broken chariot, and got them, cut and
+bleeding, on their legs again. The postillion and Jonas had now leisure
+to look at each other, which they had not had yet.
+
+'Presence of mind, presence of mind!' cried Jonas, throwing up his hands
+wildly. 'What would you have done without me?'
+
+'The other gentleman would have done badly without ME,' returned the
+man, shaking his head. 'You should have moved him first. I gave him up
+for dead.'
+
+'Presence of mind, you croaker, presence of mind' cried Jonas with a
+harsh loud laugh. 'Was he struck, do you think?'
+
+They both turned to look at him. Jonas muttered something to himself,
+when he saw him sitting up beneath the hedge, looking vacantly around.
+
+'What's the matter?' asked Montague. 'Is anybody hurt?'
+
+'Ecod!' said Jonas, 'it don't seem so. There are no bones broken, after
+all.'
+
+They raised him, and he tried to walk. He was a good deal shaken, and
+trembled very much. But with the exception of a few cuts and bruises
+this was all the damage he had sustained.
+
+'Cuts and bruises, eh?' said Jonas. 'We've all got them. Only cuts and
+bruises, eh?'
+
+'I wouldn't have given sixpence for the gentleman's head in half-a-dozen
+seconds more, for all he's only cut and bruised,' observed the post-boy.
+'If ever you're in an accident of this sort again, sir; which I hope
+you won't be; never you pull at the bridle of a horse that's down, when
+there's a man's head in the way. That can't be done twice without there
+being a dead man in the case; it would have ended in that, this time, as
+sure as ever you were born, if I hadn't come up just when I did.'
+
+Jonas replied by advising him with a curse to hold his tongue, and to go
+somewhere, whither he was not very likely to go of his own accord. But
+Montague, who had listened eagerly to every word, himself diverted the
+subject, by exclaiming: 'Where's the boy?'
+
+'Ecod! I forgot that monkey,' said Jonas. 'What's become of him?' A very
+brief search settled that question. The unfortunate Mr Bailey had been
+thrown sheer over the hedge or the five-barred gate; and was lying in
+the neighbouring field, to all appearance dead.
+
+'When I said to-night, that I wished I had never started on this
+journey,' cried his master, 'I knew it was an ill-fated one. Look at
+this boy!'
+
+'Is that all?' growled Jonas. 'If you call THAT a sign of it--'
+
+'Why, what should I call a sign of it?' asked Montague, hurriedly. 'What
+do you mean?'
+
+'I mean,' said Jonas, stooping down over the body, 'that I never heard
+you were his father, or had any particular reason to care much about
+him. Halloa. Hold up there!'
+
+But the boy was past holding up, or being held up, or giving any other
+sign of life than a faint and fitful beating of the heart. After some
+discussion the driver mounted the horse which had been least injured,
+and took the lad in his arms as well as he could; while Montague and
+Jonas, leading the other horse, and carrying a trunk between them,
+walked by his side towards Salisbury.
+
+'You'd get there in a few minutes, and be able to send assistance to
+meet us, if you went forward, post-boy,' said Jonas. 'Trot on!'
+
+'No, no,' cried Montague; 'we'll keep together.'
+
+'Why, what a chicken you are! You are not afraid of being robbed; are
+you?' said Jonas.
+
+'I am not afraid of anything,' replied the other, whose looks and manner
+were in flat contradiction to his words. 'But we'll keep together.'
+
+'You were mighty anxious about the boy, a minute ago,' said Jonas. 'I
+suppose you know that he may die in the meantime?'
+
+'Aye, aye. I know. But we'll keep together.'
+
+As it was clear that he was not to be moved from this determination,
+Jonas made no other rejoinder than such as his face expressed; and they
+proceeded in company. They had three or four good miles to travel; and
+the way was not made easier by the state of the road, the burden by
+which they were embarrassed, or their own stiff and sore condition.
+After a sufficiently long and painful walk, they arrived at the Inn; and
+having knocked the people up (it being yet very early in the morning),
+sent out messengers to see to the carriage and its contents, and roused
+a surgeon from his bed to tend the chief sufferer. All the service he
+could render, he rendered promptly and skillfully. But he gave it as
+his opinion that the boy was labouring under a severe concussion of the
+brain, and that Mr Bailey's mortal course was run.
+
+If Montague's strong interest in the announcement could have been
+considered as unselfish in any degree, it might have been a redeeming
+trait in a character that had no such lineaments to spare. But it was
+not difficult to see that, for some unexpressed reason best appreciated
+by himself, he attached a strange value to the company and presence of
+this mere child. When, after receiving some assistance from the surgeon
+himself, he retired to the bedroom prepared for him, and it was broad
+day, his mind was still dwelling on this theme.
+
+'I would rather have lost,' he said, 'a thousand pounds than lost the
+boy just now. But I'll return home alone. I am resolved upon that.
+Chuzzlewit shall go forward first, and I will follow in my own time.
+I'll have no more of this,' he added, wiping his damp forehead.
+'Twenty-four hours of this would turn my hair grey!'
+
+After examining his chamber, and looking under the bed, and in the
+cupboards, and even behind the curtains, with unusual caution (although
+it was, as has been said, broad day), he double-locked the door by which
+he had entered, and retired to rest. There was another door in the
+room, but it was locked on the outer side; and with what place it
+communicated, he knew not.
+
+His fears or evil conscience reproduced this door in all his dreams. He
+dreamed that a dreadful secret was connected with it; a secret which he
+knew, and yet did not know, for although he was heavily responsible
+for it, and a party to it, he was harassed even in his vision by
+a distracting uncertainty in reference to its import. Incoherently
+entwined with this dream was another, which represented it as the
+hiding-place of an enemy, a shadow, a phantom; and made it the business
+of his life to keep the terrible creature closed up, and prevent it
+from forcing its way in upon him. With this view Nadgett, and he, and a
+strange man with a bloody smear upon his head (who told him that he
+had been his playfellow, and told him, too, the real name of an old
+schoolmate, forgotten until then), worked with iron plates and nails to
+make the door secure; but though they worked never so hard, it was all
+in vain, for the nails broke, or changed to soft twigs, or what was
+worse, to worms, between their fingers; the wood of the door splintered
+and crumbled, so that even nails would not remain in it; and the iron
+plates curled up like hot paper. All this time the creature on the other
+side--whether it was in the shape of man, or beast, he neither knew nor
+sought to know--was gaining on them. But his greatest terror was when
+the man with the bloody smear upon his head demanded of him if he knew
+this creatures name, and said that he would whisper it. At this the
+dreamer fell upon his knees, his whole blood thrilling with inexplicable
+fear, and held his ears. But looking at the speaker's lips, he saw that
+they formed the utterance of the letter 'J'; and crying out aloud that
+the secret was discovered, and they were all lost, he awoke.
+
+Awoke to find Jonas standing at his bedside watching him. And that very
+door wide open.
+
+As their eyes met, Jonas retreated a few paces, and Montague sprang out
+of bed.
+
+'Heyday!' said Jonas. 'You're all alive this morning.'
+
+'Alive!' the other stammered, as he pulled the bell-rope violently.
+'What are you doing here?'
+
+'It's your room to be sure,' said Jonas; 'but I'm almost inclined to ask
+you what YOU are doing here? My room is on the other side of that
+door. No one told me last night not to open it. I thought it led into a
+passage, and was coming out to order breakfast. There's--there's no bell
+in my room.'
+
+Montague had in the meantime admitted the man with his hot water and
+boots, who hearing this, said, yes, there was; and passed into the
+adjoining room to point it out, at the head of the bed.
+
+'I couldn't find it, then,' said Jonas; 'it's all the same. Shall I
+order breakfast?'
+
+Montague answered in the affirmative. When Jonas had retired, whistling,
+through his own room, he opened the door of communication, to take out
+the key and fasten it on the inner side. But it was taken out already.
+
+He dragged a table against the door, and sat down to collect himself, as
+if his dreams still had some influence upon his mind.
+
+'An evil journey,' he repeated several times. 'An evil journey. But I'll
+travel home alone. I'll have no more of this.'
+
+His presentiment, or superstition, that it was an evil journey, did
+not at all deter him from doing the evil for which the journey was
+undertaken. With this in view, he dressed himself more carefully than
+usual to make a favourable impression on Mr Pecksniff; and, reassured by
+his own appearance, the beauty of the morning, and the flashing of
+the wet boughs outside his window in the merry sunshine, was soon
+sufficiently inspirited to swear a few round oaths, and hum the fag-end
+of a song.
+
+But he still muttered to himself at intervals, for all that: 'I'll
+travel home alone!'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
+
+HAS AN INFLUENCE ON THE FORTUNES OF SEVERAL PEOPLE. MR PECKSNIFF IS
+EXHIBITED IN THE PLENITUDE OF POWER; AND WIELDS THE SAME WITH FORTITUDE
+AND MAGNANIMITY
+
+
+On the night of the storm, Mrs Lupin, hostess of the Blue Dragon, sat by
+herself in her little bar. Her solitary condition, or the bad weather,
+or both united, made Mrs Lupin thoughtful, not to say sorrowful. As she
+sat with her chin upon her hand, looking out through a low back lattice,
+rendered dim in the brightest day-time by clustering vine-leaves, she
+shook her head very often, and said, 'Dear me! Oh, dear, dear me!'
+
+It was a melancholy time, even in the snugness of the Dragon bar.
+The rich expanse of corn-field, pasture-land, green slope, and gentle
+undulation, with its sparkling brooks, its many hedgerows, and its
+clumps of beautiful trees, was black and dreary, from the diamond panes
+of the lattice away to the far horizon, where the thunder seemed to roll
+along the hills. The heavy rain beat down the tender branches of vine
+and jessamine, and trampled on them in its fury; and when the lightning
+gleamed it showed the tearful leaves shivering and cowering together at
+the window, and tapping at it urgently, as if beseeching to be sheltered
+from the dismal night.
+
+As a mark of her respect for the lightning, Mrs Lupin had removed her
+candle to the chimney-piece. Her basket of needle-work stood unheeded
+at her elbow; her supper, spread on a round table not far off, was
+untasted; and the knives had been removed for fear of attraction. She
+had sat for a long time with her chin upon her hand, saying to herself
+at intervals, 'Dear me! Ah, dear, dear me!'
+
+She was on the eve of saying so, once more, when the latch of the
+house-door (closed to keep the rain out), rattled on its well-worn
+catch, and a traveller came in, who, shutting it after him, and walking
+straight up to the half-door of the bar, said, rather gruffly:
+
+'A pint of the best old beer here.'
+
+He had some reason to be gruff, for if he had passed the day in a
+waterfall, he could scarcely have been wetter than he was. He was
+wrapped up to the eyes in a rough blue sailor's coat, and had an
+oil-skin hat on, from the capacious brim of which the rain fell
+trickling down upon his breast, and back, and shoulders. Judging from a
+certain liveliness of chin--he had so pulled down his hat, and pulled up
+his collar, to defend himself from the weather, that she could only
+see his chin, and even across that he drew the wet sleeve of his shaggy
+coat, as she looked at him--Mrs Lupin set him down for a good-natured
+fellow, too.
+
+'A bad night!' observed the hostess cheerfully.
+
+The traveller shook himself like a Newfoundland dog, and said it was,
+rather.
+
+'There's a fire in the kitchen,' said Mrs Lupin, 'and very good company
+there. Hadn't you better go and dry yourself?'
+
+'No, thankee,' said the man, glancing towards the kitchen as he spoke;
+he seemed to know the way.
+
+'It's enough to give you your death of cold,' observed the hostess.
+
+'I don't take my death easy,' returned the traveller; 'or I should most
+likely have took it afore to-night. Your health, ma'am!'
+
+Mrs Lupin thanked him; but in the act of lifting the tankard to his
+mouth, he changed his mind, and put it down again. Throwing his body
+back, and looking about him stiffly, as a man does who is wrapped up,
+and has his hat low down over his eyes, he said:
+
+'What do you call this house? Not the Dragon, do you?'
+
+Mrs Lupin complacently made answer, 'Yes, the Dragon.'
+
+'Why, then, you've got a sort of a relation of mine here, ma'am,' said
+the traveller; 'a young man of the name of Tapley. What! Mark, my boy!'
+apostrophizing the premises, 'have I come upon you at last, old buck!'
+
+This was touching Mrs Lupin on a tender point. She turned to trim
+the candle on the chimney-piece, and said, with her back towards the
+traveller:
+
+'Nobody should be made more welcome at the Dragon, master, than any one
+who brought me news of Mark. But it's many and many a long day and month
+since he left here and England. And whether he's alive or dead, poor
+fellow, Heaven above us only knows!'
+
+She shook her head, and her voice trembled; her hand must have done so
+too, for the light required a deal of trimming.
+
+'Where did he go, ma'am?' asked the traveller, in a gentler voice.
+
+'He went,' said Mrs Lupin, with increased distress, 'to America. He was
+always tender-hearted and kind, and perhaps at this moment may be lying
+in prison under sentence of death, for taking pity on some miserable
+black, and helping the poor runaway creetur to escape. How could he ever
+go to America! Why didn't he go to some of those countries where the
+savages eat each other fairly, and give an equal chance to every one!'
+
+Quite subdued by this time, Mrs Lupin sobbed, and was retiring to a
+chair to give her grief free vent, when the traveller caught her in his
+arms, and she uttered a glad cry of recognition.
+
+'Yes, I will!' cried Mark, 'another--one more--twenty more! You
+didn't know me in that hat and coat? I thought you would have known me
+anywheres! Ten more!'
+
+'So I should have known you, if I could have seen you; but I couldn't,
+and you spoke so gruff. I didn't think you could speak gruff to me,
+Mark, at first coming back.'
+
+'Fifteen more!' said Mr Tapley. 'How handsome and how young you look!
+Six more! The last half-dozen warn't a fair one, and must be done over
+again. Lord bless you, what a treat it is to see you! One more! Well, I
+never was so jolly. Just a few more, on account of there not being any
+credit in it!'
+
+When Mr Tapley stopped in these calculations in simple addition, he did
+it, not because he was at all tired of the exercise, but because he was
+out of breath. The pause reminded him of other duties.
+
+'Mr Martin Chuzzlewit's outside,' he said. 'I left him under the
+cartshed, while I came on to see if there was anybody here. We want to
+keep quiet to-night, till we know the news from you, and what it's best
+for us to do.'
+
+'There's not a soul in the house, except the kitchen company,' returned
+the hostess. 'If they were to know you had come back, Mark, they'd have
+a bonfire in the street, late as it is.'
+
+'But they mustn't know it to-night, my precious soul,' said Mark; 'so
+have the house shut, and the kitchen fire made up; and when it's all
+ready, put a light in the winder, and we'll come in. One more! I long
+to hear about old friends. You'll tell me all about 'em, won't you; Mr
+Pinch, and the butcher's dog down the street, and the terrier over the
+way, and the wheelwright's, and every one of 'em. When I first caught
+sight of the church to-night, I thought the steeple would have choked
+me, I did. One more! Won't you? Not a very little one to finish off
+with?'
+
+'You have had plenty, I am sure,' said the hostess. 'Go along with your
+foreign manners!'
+
+'That ain't foreign, bless you!' cried Mark. 'Native as oysters, that
+is! One more, because it's native! As a mark of respect for the land we
+live in! This don't count as between you and me, you understand,' said
+Mr Tapley. 'I ain't a-kissing you now, you'll observe. I have been among
+the patriots; I'm a-kissin' my country.'
+
+It would have been very unreasonable to complain of the exhibition of
+his patriotism with which he followed up this explanation, that it was
+at all lukewarm or indifferent. When he had given full expression to his
+nationality, he hurried off to Martin; while Mrs Lupin, in a state of
+great agitation and excitement, prepared for their reception.
+
+The company soon came tumbling out; insisting to each other that the
+Dragon clock was half an hour too fast, and that the thunder must have
+affected it. Impatient, wet, and weary though they were, Martin and Mark
+were overjoyed to see these old faces, and watched them with delighted
+interest as they departed from the house, and passed close by them.
+
+'There's the old tailor, Mark!' whispered Martin.
+
+'There he goes, sir! A little bandier than he was, I think, sir, ain't
+he? His figure's so far altered, as it seems to me, that you might wheel
+a rather larger barrow between his legs as he walks, than you could have
+done conveniently when we know'd him. There's Sam a-coming out, sir.'
+
+'Ah, to be sure!' cried Martin; 'Sam, the hostler. I wonder whether that
+horse of Pecksniff's is alive still?'
+
+'Not a doubt on it, sir,' returned Mark. 'That's a description of
+animal, sir, as will go on in a bony way peculiar to himself for a long
+time, and get into the newspapers at last under the title of "Sing'lar
+Tenacity of Life in a Quadruped." As if he had ever been alive in all
+his life, worth mentioning! There's the clerk, sir--wery drunk, as
+usual.'
+
+'I see him!' said Martin, laughing. 'But, my life, how wet you are,
+Mark!'
+
+'I am! What do you consider yourself, sir?'
+
+'Oh, not half as bad,' said his fellow-traveller, with an air of great
+vexation. 'I told you not to keep on the windy side, Mark, but to let us
+change and change about. The rain has been beating on you ever since it
+began.'
+
+'You don't know how it pleases me, sir,' said Mark, after a short
+silence, 'if I may make so bold as say so, to hear you a-going on in
+that there uncommon considerate way of yours; which I don't mean to
+attend to, never, but which, ever since that time when I was floored in
+Eden, you have showed.'
+
+'Ah, Mark!' sighed Martin, 'the less we say of that the better. Do I see
+the light yonder?'
+
+'That's the light!' cried Mark. 'Lord bless her, what briskness she
+possesses! Now for it, sir. Neat wines, good beds, and first-rate
+entertainment for man or beast.'
+
+The kitchen fire burnt clear and red, the table was spread out, the
+kettle boiled; the slippers were there, the boot-jack too, sheets of
+ham were there, cooking on the gridiron; half-a-dozen eggs were there,
+poaching in the frying-pan; a plethoric cherry-brandy bottle was there,
+winking at a foaming jug of beer upon the table; rare provisions were
+there, dangling from the rafters as if you had only to open your mouth,
+and something exquisitely ripe and good would be glad of the excuse for
+tumbling into it. Mrs Lupin, who for their sakes had dislodged the
+very cook, high priestess of the temple, with her own genial hands was
+dressing their repast.
+
+It was impossible to help it--a ghost must have hugged her. The Atlantic
+Ocean and the Red Sea being, in that respect, all one, Martin hugged
+her instantly. Mr Tapley (as if the idea were quite novel, and had never
+occurred to him before), followed, with much gravity, on the same side.
+
+'Little did I ever think,' said Mrs Lupin, adjusting her cap and
+laughing heartily; yes, and blushing too; 'often as I have said that Mr
+Pecksniff's young gentlemen were the life and soul of the Dragon, and
+that without them it would be too dull to live in--little did I ever
+think I am sure, that any one of them would ever make so free as you, Mr
+Martin! And still less that I shouldn't be angry with him, but should be
+glad with all my heart to be the first to welcome him home from America,
+with Mark Tapley for his--'
+
+'For his friend, Mrs Lupin,' interposed Martin.
+
+'For his friend,' said the hostess, evidently gratified by this
+distinction, but at the same time admonishing Mr Tapley with a fork
+to remain at a respectful distance. 'Little did I ever think that! But
+still less, that I should ever have the changes to relate that I shall
+have to tell you of, when you have done your supper!'
+
+'Good Heaven!' cried Martin, changing colour, 'what changes?'
+
+'SHE,' said the hostess, 'is quite well, and now at Mr Pecksniff's.
+Don't be at all alarmed about her. She is everything you could wish.
+It's of no use mincing matters, or making secrets, is it?' added Mrs
+Lupin. 'I know all about it, you see!'
+
+'My good creature,' returned Martin, 'you are exactly the person who
+ought to know all about it. I am delighted to think you DO know about
+that! But what changes do you hint at? Has any death occurred?'
+
+'No, no!' said the hostess. 'Not as bad as that. But I declare now that
+I will not be drawn into saying another word till you have had your
+supper. If you ask me fifty questions in the meantime, I won't answer
+one.'
+
+She was so positive, that there was nothing for it but to get the supper
+over as quickly as possible; and as they had been walking a great many
+miles, and had fasted since the middle of the day, they did no great
+violence to their own inclinations in falling on it tooth and nail. It
+took rather longer to get through than might have been expected; for,
+half-a-dozen times, when they thought they had finished, Mrs Lupin
+exposed the fallacy of that impression triumphantly. But at last, in
+the course of time and nature, they gave in. Then, sitting with
+their slippered feet stretched out upon the kitchen hearth (which was
+wonderfully comforting, for the night had grown by this time raw and
+chilly), and looking with involuntary admiration at their dimpled,
+buxom, blooming hostess, as the firelight sparkled in her eyes and
+glimmered in her raven hair, they composed themselves to listen to her
+news.
+
+Many were the exclamations of surprise which interrupted her, when she
+told them of the separation between Mr Pecksniff and his daughters, and
+between the same good gentleman and Mr Pinch. But these were nothing to
+the indignant demonstrations of Martin, when she related, as the common
+talk of the neighbourhood, what entire possession he had obtained
+over the mind and person of old Mr Chuzzlewit, and what high honour he
+designed for Mary. On receipt of this intelligence, Martin's slippers
+flew off in a twinkling, and he began pulling on his wet boots with that
+indefinite intention of going somewhere instantly, and doing something
+to somebody, which is the first safety-valve of a hot temper.
+
+'He!' said Martin, 'smooth-tongued villain that he is! He! Give me that
+other boot, Mark?'
+
+'Where was you a-thinking of going to, sir?' inquired Mr Tapley drying
+the sole at the fire, and looking coolly at it as he spoke, as if it
+were a slice of toast.
+
+'Where!' repeated Martin. 'You don't suppose I am going to remain here,
+do you?'
+
+The imperturbable Mark confessed that he did.
+
+You do!' retorted Martin angrily. 'I am much obliged to you. What do you
+take me for?'
+
+'I take you for what you are, sir,' said Mark; 'and, consequently, am
+quite sure that whatever you do will be right and sensible. The boot,
+sir.'
+
+Martin darted an impatient look at him, without taking it, and walked
+rapidly up and down the kitchen several times, with one boot and a
+stocking on. But, mindful of his Eden resolution, he had already gained
+many victories over himself when Mark was in the case, and he resolved
+to conquer now. So he came back to the book-jack, laid his hand on
+Mark's shoulder to steady himself, pulled the boot off, picked up his
+slippers, put them on, and sat down again. He could not help thrusting
+his hands to the very bottom of his pockets, and muttering at intervals,
+'Pecksniff too! That fellow! Upon my soul! In-deed! What next?' and so
+forth; nor could he help occasionally shaking his fist at the chimney,
+with a very threatening countenance; but this did not last long; and he
+heard Mrs Lupin out, if not with composure, at all events in silence.
+
+'As to Mr Pecksniff himself,' observed the hostess in conclusion,
+spreading out the skirts of her gown with both hands, and nodding
+her head a great many times as she did so, 'I don't know what to
+say. Somebody must have poisoned his mind, or influenced him in some
+extraordinary way. I cannot believe that such a noble-spoken gentleman
+would go and do wrong of his own accord!'
+
+A noble-spoken gentleman! How many people are there in the world, who,
+for no better reason, uphold their Pecksniffs to the last and abandon
+virtuous men, when Pecksniffs breathe upon them!
+
+'As to Mr Pinch,' pursued the landlady, 'if ever there was a dear, good,
+pleasant, worthy soul alive, Pinch, and no other, is his name. But
+how do we know that old Mr Chuzzlewit himself was not the cause of
+difference arising between him and Mr Pecksniff? No one but themselves
+can tell; for Mr Pinch has a proud spirit, though he has such a quiet
+way; and when he left us, and was so sorry to go, he scorned to make his
+story good, even to me.'
+
+'Poor old Tom!' said Martin, in a tone that sounded like remorse.
+
+'It's a comfort to know,' resumed the landlady, 'that he has his sister
+living with him, and is doing well. Only yesterday he sent me back, by
+post, a little'--here the colour came into her cheeks--'a little trifle
+I was bold enough to lend him when he went away; saying, with many
+thanks, that he had good employment, and didn't want it. It was the same
+note; he hadn't broken it. I never thought I could have been so little
+pleased to see a bank-note come back to me as I was to see that.'
+
+'Kindly said, and heartily!' said Martin. 'Is it not, Mark?'
+
+'She can't say anything as does not possess them qualities,' returned
+Mr Tapley; 'which as much belongs to the Dragon as its licence. And now
+that we have got quite cool and fresh, to the subject again, sir;
+what will you do? If you're not proud, and can make up your mind to go
+through with what you spoke of, coming along, that's the course for
+you to take. If you started wrong with your grandfather (which, you'll
+excuse my taking the liberty of saying, appears to have been the case),
+up with you, sir, and tell him so, and make an appeal to his affections.
+Don't stand out. He's a great deal older than you, and if he was hasty,
+you was hasty too. Give way, sir, give way.'
+
+The eloquence of Mr Tapley was not without its effect on Martin but he
+still hesitated, and expressed his reason thus:
+
+'That's all very true, and perfectly correct, Mark; and if it were a
+mere question of humbling myself before HIM, I would not consider it
+twice. But don't you see, that being wholly under this hypocrite's
+government, and having (if what we hear be true) no mind or will of his
+own, I throw myself, in fact, not at his feet, but at the feet of
+Mr Pecksniff? And when I am rejected and spurned away,' said Martin,
+turning crimson at the thought, 'it is not by him; my own blood stirred
+against me; but by Pecksniff--Pecksniff, Mark!'
+
+'Well, but we know beforehand,' returned the politic Mr Tapley, 'that
+Pecksniff is a wagabond, a scoundrel, and a willain.'
+
+'A most pernicious villain!' said Martin.
+
+'A most pernicious willain. We know that beforehand, sir; and,
+consequently, it's no shame to be defeated by Pecksniff. Blow
+Pecksniff!' cried Mr Tapley, in the fervour of his eloquence. 'Who's he!
+It's not in the natur of Pecksniff to shame US, unless he agreed with
+us, or done us a service; and, in case he offered any audacity of that
+description, we could express our sentiments in the English language,
+I hope. Pecksniff!' repeated Mr Tapley, with ineffable disdain. 'What's
+Pecksniff, who's Pecksniff, where's Pecksniff, that he's to be so much
+considered? We're not a-calculating for ourselves;' he laid uncommon
+emphasis on the last syllable of that word, and looked full in Martin's
+face; 'we're making a effort for a young lady likewise as has undergone
+her share; and whatever little hope we have, this here Pecksniff is not
+to stand in its way, I expect. I never heard of any act of Parliament,
+as was made by Pecksniff. Pecksniff! Why, I wouldn't see the man myself;
+I wouldn't hear him; I wouldn't choose to know he was in company. I'd
+scrape my shoes on the scraper of the door, and call that Pecksniff, if
+you liked; but I wouldn't condescend no further.'
+
+The amazement of Mrs Lupin, and indeed of Mr Tapley himself for that
+matter, at this impassioned flow of language, was immense. But Martin,
+after looking thoughtfully at the fire for a short time, said:
+
+'You are right, Mark. Right or wrong, it shall be done. I'll do it.'
+
+'One word more, sir,' returned Mark. 'Only think of him so far as not to
+give him a handle against you. Don't you do anything secret that he
+can report before you get there. Don't you even see Miss Mary in the
+morning, but let this here dear friend of ours'--Mr Tapley bestowed a
+smile upon the hostess--'prepare her for what's a-going to happen, and
+carry any little message as may be agreeable. She knows how. Don't you?'
+Mrs Lupin laughed and tossed her head. 'Then you go in, bold and free as
+a gentleman should. "I haven't done nothing under-handed," says you. "I
+haven't been skulking about the premises, here I am, for-give me, I ask
+your pardon, God Bless You!"'
+
+Martin smiled, but felt that it was good advice notwithstanding, and
+resolved to act upon it. When they had ascertained from Mrs Lupin that
+Pecksniff had already returned from the great ceremonial at which they
+had beheld him in his glory; and when they had fully arranged the order
+of their proceedings; they went to bed, intent upon the morrow.
+
+In pursuance of their project as agreed upon at this discussion, Mr
+Tapley issued forth next morning, after breakfast, charged with a letter
+from Martin to his grandfather, requesting leave to wait upon him for a
+few minutes. And postponing as he went along the congratulations of his
+numerous friends until a more convenient season, he soon arrived at Mr
+Pecksniff's house. At that gentleman's door; with a face so immovable
+that it would have been next to an impossibility for the most acute
+physiognomist to determine what he was thinking about, or whether he was
+thinking at all; he straightway knocked.
+
+A person of Mr Tapley's observation could not long remain insensible
+to the fact that Mr Pecksniff was making the end of his nose very
+blunt against the glass of the parlour window, in an angular attempt to
+discover who had knocked at the door. Nor was Mr Tapley slow to baffle
+this movement on the part of the enemy, by perching himself on the
+top step, and presenting the crown of his hat in that direction. But
+possibly Mr Pecksniff had already seen him, for Mark soon heard his
+shoes creaking, as he advanced to open the door with his own hands.
+
+Mr Pecksniff was as cheerful as ever, and sang a little song in the
+passage.
+
+'How d'ye do, sir?' said Mark.
+
+'Oh!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Tapley, I believe? The Prodigal returned! We
+don't want any beer, my friend.'
+
+'Thankee, sir,' said Mark. 'I couldn't accommodate you if you did. A
+letter, sir. Wait for an answer.'
+
+'For me?' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'And an answer, eh?'
+
+'Not for you, I think, sir,' said Mark, pointing out the direction.
+'Chuzzlewit, I believe the name is, sir.'
+
+'Oh!' returned Mr Pecksniff. 'Thank you. Yes. Who's it from, my good
+young man?'
+
+'The gentleman it comes from wrote his name inside, sir,' returned Mr
+Tapley with extreme politeness. 'I see him a-signing of it at the end,
+while I was a-waitin'.'
+
+'And he said he wanted an answer, did he?' asked Mr Pecksniff in his
+most persuasive manner.
+
+Mark replied in the affirmative.
+
+'He shall have an answer. Certainly,' said Mr Pecksniff, tearing the
+letter into small pieces, as mildly as if that were the most flattering
+attention a correspondent could receive. 'Have the goodness to give him
+that, with my compliments, if you please. Good morning!' Whereupon he
+handed Mark the scraps; retired, and shut the door.
+
+Mark thought it prudent to subdue his personal emotions, and return to
+Martin at the Dragon. They were not unprepared for such a reception,
+and suffered an hour or so to elapse before making another attempt.
+When this interval had gone by, they returned to Mr Pecksniff's house in
+company. Martin knocked this time, while Mr Tapley prepared himself to
+keep the door open with his foot and shoulder, when anybody came, and by
+that means secure an enforced parley. But this precaution was needless,
+for the servant-girl appeared almost immediately. Brushing quickly past
+her as he had resolved in such a case to do, Martin (closely followed
+by his faithful ally) opened the door of that parlour in which he knew
+a visitor was most likely to be found; passed at once into the room; and
+stood, without a word of notice or announcement, in the presence of his
+grandfather.
+
+Mr Pecksniff also was in the room; and Mary. In the swift instant of
+their mutual recognition, Martin saw the old man droop his grey head,
+and hide his face in his hands.
+
+It smote him to the heart. In his most selfish and most careless day,
+this lingering remnant of the old man's ancient love, this buttress of a
+ruined tower he had built up in the time gone by, with so much pride and
+hope, would have caused a pang in Martin's heart. But now, changed for
+the better in his worst respect; looking through an altered medium on
+his former friend, the guardian of his childhood, so broken and bowed
+down; resentment, sullenness, self-confidence, and pride, were all swept
+away, before the starting tears upon the withered cheeks. He could not
+bear to see them. He could not bear to think they fell at sight of
+him. He could not bear to view reflected in them, the reproachful and
+irrevocable Past.
+
+He hurriedly advanced to seize the old man's hand in his, when Mr
+Pecksniff interposed himself between them.
+
+'No, young man!' said Mr Pecksniff, striking himself upon the breast,
+and stretching out his other arm towards his guest as if it were a wing
+to shelter him. 'No, sir. None of that. Strike here, sir, here! Launch
+your arrows at me, sir, if you'll have the goodness; not at Him!'
+
+'Grandfather!' cried Martin. 'Hear me! I implore you, let me speak!'
+
+'Would you, sir? Would you?' said Mr Pecksniff, dodging about, so as to
+keep himself always between them. 'Is it not enough, sir, that you come
+into my house like a thief in the night, or I should rather say, for we
+can never be too particular on the subject of Truth, like a thief in
+the day-time; bringing your dissolute companions with you, to plant
+themselves with their backs against the insides of parlour doors, and
+prevent the entrance or issuing forth of any of my household'--Mark had
+taken up this position, and held it quite unmoved--'but would you also
+strike at venerable Virtue? Would you? Know that it is not defenceless.
+I will be its shield, young man. Assail me. Come on, sir. Fire away!'
+
+'Pecksniff,' said the old man, in a feeble voice. 'Calm yourself. Be
+quiet.'
+
+'I can't be calm,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'and I won't be quiet. My
+benefactor and my friend! Shall even my house be no refuge for your
+hoary pillow!'
+
+'Stand aside!' said the old man, stretching out his hand; 'and let me
+see what it is I used to love so dearly.'
+
+'It is right that you should see it, my friend,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'It
+is well that you should see it, my noble sir. It is desirable that you
+should contemplate it in its true proportions. Behold it! There it is,
+sir. There it is!'
+
+Martin could hardly be a mortal man, and not express in his face
+something of the anger and disdain with which Mr Pecksniff inspired him.
+But beyond this he evinced no knowledge whatever of that gentleman's
+presence or existence. True, he had once, and that at first, glanced at
+him involuntarily, and with supreme contempt; but for any other heed he
+took of him, there might have been nothing in his place save empty air.
+
+As Mr Pecksniff withdrew from between them, agreeably to the wish just
+now expressed (which he did during the delivery of the observations
+last recorded), old Martin, who had taken Mary Graham's hand in his, and
+whispered kindly to her, as telling her she had no cause to be alarmed,
+gently pushed her from him, behind his chair; and looked steadily at his
+grandson.
+
+'And that,' he said, 'is he. Ah! that is he! Say what you wish to say.
+But come no nearer,'
+
+'His sense of justice is so fine,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'that he will
+hear even him, although he knows beforehand that nothing can come of it.
+Ingenuous mind!' Mr Pecksniff did not address himself immediately to
+any person in saying this, but assuming the position of the Chorus in a
+Greek Tragedy, delivered his opinion as a commentary on the proceedings.
+
+'Grandfather!' said Martin, with great earnestness. 'From a painful
+journey, from a hard life, from a sick-bed, from privation and distress,
+from gloom and disappointment, from almost hopelessness and despair, I
+have come back to you.'
+
+'Rovers of this sort,' observed Mr Pecksniff, as Chorus, 'very commonly
+come back when they find they don't meet with the success they expected
+in their marauding ravages.'
+
+'But for this faithful man,' said Martin, turning towards Mark, 'whom
+I first knew in this place, and who went away with me voluntarily, as
+a servant, but has been, throughout, my zealous and devoted friend; but
+for him, I must have died abroad. Far from home, far from any help or
+consolation; far from the probability even of my wretched fate being
+ever known to any one who cared to hear it--oh, that you would let me
+say, of being known to you!'
+
+The old man looked at Mr Pecksniff. Mr Pecksniff looked at him. 'Did
+you speak, my worthy sir?' said Mr Pecksniff, with a smile. The old man
+answered in the negative. 'I know what you thought,' said Mr Pecksniff,
+with another smile. 'Let him go on my friend. The development of
+self-interest in the human mind is always a curious study. Let him go
+on, sir.'
+
+'Go on!' observed the old man; in a mechanical obedience, it appeared,
+to Mr Pecksniff's suggestion.
+
+'I have been so wretched and so poor,' said Martin, 'that I am indebted
+to the charitable help of a stranger, in a land of strangers, for the
+means of returning here. All this tells against me in your mind, I know.
+I have given you cause to think I have been driven here wholly by want,
+and have not been led on, in any degree, by affection or regret. When
+I parted from you, Grandfather, I deserved that suspicion, but I do not
+now. I do not now.'
+
+The Chorus put its hand in its waistcoat, and smiled. 'Let him go on,
+my worthy sir,' it said. 'I know what you are thinking of, but don't
+express it prematurely.'
+
+Old Martin raised his eyes to Mr Pecksniff's face, and appearing to
+derive renewed instruction from his looks and words, said, once again:
+
+'Go on!'
+
+'I have little more to say,' returned Martin. 'And as I say it now, with
+little or no hope, Grandfather; whatever dawn of hope I had on entering
+the room; believe it to be true. At least, believe it to be true.'
+
+'Beautiful Truth!' exclaimed the Chorus, looking upward. 'How is your
+name profaned by vicious persons! You don't live in a well, my holy
+principle, but on the lips of false mankind. It is hard to bear with
+mankind, dear sir'--addressing the elder Mr Chuzzlewit; 'but let us do
+so meekly. It is our duty so to do. Let us be among the Few who do their
+duty. If,' pursued the Chorus, soaring up into a lofty flight, 'as the
+poet informs us, England expects Every man to do his duty, England is
+the most sanguine country on the face of the earth, and will find itself
+continually disappointed.'
+
+'Upon that subject,' said Martin, looking calmly at the old man as
+he spoke, but glancing once at Mary, whose face was now buried in her
+hands, upon the back of his easy-chair; 'upon that subject which first
+occasioned a division between us, my mind and heart are incapable of
+change. Whatever influence they have undergone, since that unhappy time,
+has not been one to weaken but to strengthen me. I cannot profess sorrow
+for that, nor irresolution in that, nor shame in that. Nor would you
+wish me, I know. But that I might have trusted to your love, if I had
+thrown myself manfully upon it; that I might have won you over with
+ease, if I had been more yielding and more considerate; that I should
+have best remembered myself in forgetting myself, and recollecting you;
+reflection, solitude, and misery, have taught me. I came resolved to say
+this, and to ask your forgiveness; not so much in hope for the future,
+as in regret for the past; for all that I would ask of you is, that you
+would aid me to live. Help me to get honest work to do, and I would do
+it. My condition places me at the disadvantage of seeming to have only
+my selfish ends to serve, but try if that be so or not. Try if I be
+self-willed, obdurate, and haughty, as I was; or have been disciplined
+in a rough school. Let the voice of nature and association plead between
+us, Grandfather; and do not, for one fault, however thankless, quite
+reject me!'
+
+As he ceased, the grey head of the old man drooped again; and he
+concealed his face behind his outspread fingers.
+
+'My dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, bending over him, 'you must not give
+way to this. It is very natural, and very amiable, but you must not
+allow the shameless conduct of one whom you long ago cast off, to move
+you so far. Rouse yourself. Think,' said Pecksniff, 'think of Me, my
+friend.'
+
+'I will,' returned old Martin, looking up into his face. 'You recall me
+to myself. I will.'
+
+'Why, what,' said Mr Pecksniff, sitting down beside him in a chair which
+he drew up for the purpose, and tapping him playfully on the arm, 'what
+is the matter with my strong-minded compatriot, if I may venture to take
+the liberty of calling him by that endearing expression? Shall I have
+to scold my coadjutor, or to reason with an intellect like this? I think
+not.'
+
+'No, no. There is no occasion,' said the old man. 'A momentary feeling.
+Nothing more.'
+
+'Indignation,' observed Mr Pecksniff, 'WILL bring the scalding tear
+into the honest eye, I know'--he wiped his own elaborately. 'But we
+have highest duties to perform than that. Rouse yourself, Mr Chuzzlewit.
+Shall I give expression to your thoughts, my friend?'
+
+'Yes,' said old Martin, leaning back in his chair, and looking at him,
+half in vacancy and half in admiration, as if he were fascinated by
+the man. 'Speak for me, Pecksniff, Thank you. You are true to me. Thank
+you!'
+
+'Do not unman me, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand vigorously,
+'or I shall be unequal to the task. It is not agreeable to my feelings,
+my good sir, to address the person who is now before us, for when I
+ejected him from this house, after hearing of his unnatural conduct from
+your lips, I renounced communication with him for ever. But you desire
+it; and that is sufficient. Young man! The door is immediately behind
+the companion of your infamy. Blush if you can; begone without a blush,
+if you can't.'
+
+Martin looked as steadily at his grandfather as if there had been a
+dead silence all this time. The old man looked no less steadily at Mr
+Pecksniff.
+
+'When I ordered you to leave this house upon the last occasion of your
+being dismissed from it with disgrace,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'when,
+stung and stimulated beyond endurance by your shameless conduct to this
+extraordinarily noble-minded individual, I exclaimed "Go forth!" I told
+you that I wept for your depravity. Do not suppose that the tear which
+stands in my eye at this moment, is shed for you. It is shed for him,
+sir. It is shed for him.'
+
+Here Mr Pecksniff, accidentally dropping the tear in question on a
+bald part of Mr Chuzzlewit's head, wiped the place with his
+pocket-handkerchief, and begged pardon.
+
+'It is shed for him, sir, whom you seek to make the victim of your
+arts,' said Mr Pecksniff; 'whom you seek to plunder, to deceive, and to
+mislead. It is shed in sympathy with him, and admiration of him; not in
+pity for him, for happily he knows what you are. You shall not wrong
+him further, sir, in any way,' said Mr Pecksniff, quite transported with
+enthusiasm, 'while I have life. You may bestride my senseless corse,
+sir. That is very likely. I can imagine a mind like yours deriving great
+satisfaction from any measure of that kind. But while I continue to be
+called upon to exist, sir, you must strike at him through me. Awe!' said
+Mr Pecksniff, shaking his head at Martin with indignant jocularity; 'and
+in such a cause you will find me, my young sir, an Ugly Customer!'
+
+Still Martin looked steadily and mildly at his grandfather. 'Will you
+give me no answer,' he said, at length, 'not a word?'
+
+'You hear what has been said,' replied the old man, without averting his
+eyes from the face of Mr Pecksniff; who nodded encouragingly.
+
+'I have not heard your voice. I have not heard your spirit,' returned
+Martin.
+
+'Tell him again,' said the old man, still gazing up in Mr Pecksniff's
+face.
+
+'I only hear,' replied Martin, strong in his purpose from the first, and
+stronger in it as he felt how Pecksniff winced and shrunk beneath his
+contempt; 'I only hear what you say to me, grandfather.'
+
+Perhaps it was well for Mr Pecksniff that his venerable friend found
+in his (Mr Pecksniff's) features an exclusive and engrossing object
+of contemplation, for if his eyes had gone astray, and he had compared
+young Martin's bearing with that of his zealous defender, the latter
+disinterested gentleman would scarcely have shown to greater advantage
+than on the memorable afternoon when he took Tom Pinch's last receipt
+in full of all demands. One really might have thought there was some
+quality in Mr Pecksniff--an emanation from the brightness and purity
+within him perhaps--which set off and adorned his foes; they looked so
+gallant and so manly beside him.
+
+'Not a word?' said Martin, for the second time.
+
+'I remember that I have a word to say, Pecksniff,' observed the old man.
+'But a word. You spoke of being indebted to the charitable help of some
+stranger for the means of returning to England. Who is he? And what help
+in money did he render you?'
+
+Although he asked this question of Martin, he did not look towards him,
+but kept his eyes on Mr Pecksniff as before. It appeared to have become
+a habit with him, both in a literal and figurative sense, to look to Mr
+Pecksniff alone.
+
+Martin took out his pencil, tore a leaf from his pocket-book, and
+hastily wrote down the particulars of his debt to Mr Bevan. The old man
+stretched out his hand for the paper, and took it; but his eyes did not
+wander from Mr Pecksniff's face.
+
+'It would be a poor pride and a false humility,' said Martin, in a
+low voice, 'to say, I do not wish that to be paid, or that I have any
+present hope of being able to pay it. But I never felt my poverty so
+deeply as I feel it now.'
+
+'Read it to me, Pecksniff,' said the old man.
+
+Mr Pecksniff, after approaching the perusal of the paper as if it were a
+manuscript confession of a murder, complied.
+
+'I think, Pecksniff,' said old Martin, 'I could wish that to be
+discharged. I should not like the lender, who was abroad, who had
+no opportunity of making inquiry, and who did (as he thought) a kind
+action, to suffer.'
+
+'An honourable sentiment, my dear sir. Your own entirely. But a
+dangerous precedent,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'permit me to suggest.'
+
+'It shall not be a precedent,' returned the old man. 'It is the only
+recognition of him. But we will talk of it again. You shall advise me.
+There is nothing else?'
+
+'Nothing else,' said Mr Pecksniff buoyantly, 'but for you to recover
+this intrusion--this cowardly and indefensible outrage on your
+feelings--with all possible dispatch, and smile again.'
+
+'You have nothing more to say?' inquired the old man, laying his hand
+with unusual earnestness on Mr Pecksniff's sleeve.
+
+Mr Pecksniff would not say what rose to his lips. For reproaches he
+observed, were useless.
+
+'You have nothing at all to urge? You are sure of that! If you have, no
+matter what it is, speak freely. I will oppose nothing that you ask of
+me,' said the old man.
+
+The tears rose in such abundance to Mr Pecksniff's eyes at this proof
+of unlimited confidence on the part of his friend, that he was fain to
+clasp the bridge of his nose convulsively before he could at all compose
+himself. When he had the power of utterance again, he said with great
+emotion, that he hoped he should live to deserve this; and added, that
+he had no other observation whatever to make.
+
+For a few moments the old man sat looking at him, with that blank and
+motionless expression which is not uncommon in the faces of those whose
+faculties are on the wane, in age. But he rose up firmly too, and walked
+towards the door, from which Mark withdrew to make way for him.
+
+The obsequious Mr Pecksniff proffered his arm. The old man took it.
+Turning at the door, he said to Martin, waving him off with his hand,
+
+'You have heard him. Go away. It is all over. Go!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff murmured certain cheering expressions of sympathy and
+encouragement as they retired; and Martin, awakening from the stupor
+into which the closing portion of this scene had plunged him, to the
+opportunity afforded by their departure, caught the innocent cause of
+all in his embrace, and pressed her to his heart.
+
+'Dear girl!' said Martin. 'He has not changed you. Why, what an impotent
+and harmless knave the fellow is!'
+
+'You have restrained yourself so nobly! You have borne so much!'
+
+'Restrained myself!' cried Martin, cheerfully. 'You were by, and were
+unchanged, I knew. What more advantage did I want? The sight of me was
+such a bitterness to the dog, that I had my triumph in his being forced
+to endure it. But tell me, love--for the few hasty words we can exchange
+now are precious--what is this which has been rumoured to me? Is it true
+that you are persecuted by this knave's addresses?'
+
+'I was, dear Martin, and to some extent am now; but my chief source
+of unhappiness has been anxiety for you. Why did you leave us in such
+terrible suspense?'
+
+'Sickness, distance; the dread of hinting at our real condition, the
+impossibility of concealing it except in perfect silence; the knowledge
+that the truth would have pained you infinitely more than uncertainty
+and doubt,' said Martin, hurriedly; as indeed everything else was done
+and said, in those few hurried moments, 'were the causes of my writing
+only once. But Pecksniff? You needn't fear to tell me the whole tale;
+for you saw me with him face to face, hearing him speak, and not taking
+him by the throat; what is the history of his pursuit of you? Is it
+known to my grandfather?'
+
+'Yes.'
+
+'And he assists him in it?'
+
+'No,' she answered eagerly.
+
+'Thank Heaven!' cried Martin, 'that it leaves his mind unclouded in that
+one respect!'
+
+'I do not think,' said Mary, 'it was known to him at first. When
+this man had sufficiently prepared his mind, he revealed it to him by
+degrees. I think so, but I only know it from my own impression: now from
+anything they told me. Then he spoke to me alone.'
+
+'My grandfather did?' said Martin.
+
+'Yes--spoke to me alone, and told me--'
+
+'What the hound had said,' cried Martin. 'Don't repeat it.'
+
+'And said I knew well what qualities he possessed; that he was
+moderately rich; in good repute; and high in his favour and confidence.
+But seeing me very much distressed, he said that he would not control
+or force my inclinations, but would content himself with telling me the
+fact. He would not pain me by dwelling on it, or reverting to it; nor
+has he ever done so since, but has truly kept his word.'
+
+'The man himself?--' asked Martin.
+
+'He has had few opportunities of pursuing his suit. I have never walked
+out alone, or remained alone an instant in his presence. Dear Martin, I
+must tell you,' she continued, 'that the kindness of your grandfather
+to me remains unchanged. I am his companion still. An indescribable
+tenderness and compassion seem to have mingled themselves with his old
+regard; and if I were his only child, I could not have a gentler father.
+What former fancy or old habit survives in this, when his heart has
+turned so cold to you, is a mystery I cannot penetrate; but it has been,
+and it is, a happiness to me, that I remained true to him; that if he
+should wake from his delusion, even at the point of death, I am here,
+love, to recall you to his thoughts.'
+
+Martin looked with admiration on her glowing face, and pressed his lips
+to hers.
+
+'I have sometimes heard, and read,' she said, 'that those whose powers
+had been enfeebled long ago, and whose lives had faded, as it were, into
+a dream, have been known to rouse themselves before death, and inquire
+for familiar faces once very dear to them; but forgotten, unrecognized,
+hated even, in the meantime. Think, if with his old impressions of this
+man, he should suddenly resume his former self, and find in him his only
+friend!'
+
+'I would not urge you to abandon him, dearest,' said Martin, 'though I
+could count the years we are to wear out asunder. But the influence this
+fellow exercises over him has steadily increased, I fear.'
+
+She could not help admitting that. Steadily, imperceptibly, and surely,
+until it was paramount and supreme. She herself had none; and yet
+he treated her with more affection than at any previous time. Martin
+thought the inconsistency a part of his weakness and decay.
+
+'Does the influence extend to fear?' said Martin. 'Is he timid of
+asserting his own opinion in the presence of this infatuation? I fancied
+so just now.'
+
+'I have thought so, often. Often when we are sitting alone, almost as
+we used to do, and I have been reading a favourite book to him or he has
+been talking quite cheerfully, I have observed that the entrance of
+Mr Pecksniff has changed his whole demeanour. He has broken off
+immediately, and become what you have seen to-day. When we first came
+here he had his impetuous outbreaks, in which it was not easy for Mr
+Pecksniff with his utmost plausibility to appease him. But these have
+long since dwindled away. He defers to him in everything, and has no
+opinion upon any question, but that which is forced upon him by this
+treacherous man.'
+
+Such was the account, rapidly furnished in whispers, and interrupted,
+brief as it was, by many false alarms of Mr Pecksniff's return;
+which Martin received of his grandfather's decline, and of that good
+gentleman's ascendancy. He heard of Tom Pinch too, and Jonas too, with
+not a little about himself into the bargain; for though lovers are
+remarkable for leaving a great deal unsaid on all occasions, and very
+properly desiring to come back and say it, they are remarkable also for
+a wonderful power of condensation, and can, in one way or other, give
+utterance to more language--eloquent language--in any given short space
+of time, than all the six hundred and fifty-eight members in the Commons
+House of Parliament of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland;
+who are strong lovers no doubt, but of their country only, which makes
+all the difference; for in a passion of that kind (which is not always
+returned), it is the custom to use as many words as possible, and
+express nothing whatever.
+
+A caution from Mr Tapley; a hasty interchange of farewells, and of
+something else which the proverb says must not be told of afterwards;
+a white hand held out to Mr Tapley himself, which he kissed with the
+devotion of a knight-errant; more farewells, more something else's; a
+parting word from Martin that he would write from London and would do
+great things there yet (Heaven knows what, but he quite believed it);
+and Mark and he stood on the outside of the Pecksniffian halls.
+
+'A short interview after such an absence!' said Martin, sorrowfully.
+'But we are well out of the house. We might have placed ourselves in a
+false position by remaining there, even so long, Mark.'
+
+'I don't know about ourselves, sir,' he returned; 'but somebody else
+would have got into a false position, if he had happened to come back
+again, while we was there. I had the door all ready, sir. If Pecksniff
+had showed his head, or had only so much as listened behind it, I would
+have caught him like a walnut. He's the sort of man,' added Mr Tapley,
+musing, 'as would squeeze soft, I know.'
+
+A person who was evidently going to Mr Pecksniff's house, passed them at
+this moment. He raised his eyes at the mention of the architect's name;
+and when he had gone on a few yards, stopped and gazed at them. Mr
+Tapley, also, looked over his shoulder, and so did Martin; for the
+stranger, as he passed, had looked very sharply at them.
+
+'Who may that be, I wonder!' said Martin. 'The face seems familiar to
+me, but I don't know the man.'
+
+'He seems to have a amiable desire that his face should be tolerable
+familiar to us,' said Mr Tapley, 'for he's a-staring pretty hard. He'd
+better not waste his beauty, for he ain't got much to spare.'
+
+Coming in sight of the Dragon, they saw a travelling carriage at the
+door.
+
+'And a Salisbury carriage, eh?' said Mr Tapley. 'That's what he came in
+depend upon it. What's in the wind now? A new pupil, I shouldn't wonder.
+P'raps it's a order for another grammar-school, of the same pattern as
+the last.'
+
+Before they could enter at the door, Mrs Lupin came running out; and
+beckoning them to the carriage showed them a portmanteau with the name
+of CHUZZLEWIT upon it.
+
+'Miss Pecksniff's husband that was,' said the good woman to Martin. 'I
+didn't know what terms you might be on, and was quite in a worry till
+you came back.'
+
+'He and I have never interchanged a word yet,' observed Martin; 'and as
+I have no wish to be better or worse acquainted with him, I will not put
+myself in his way. We passed him on the road, I have no doubt. I am glad
+he timed his coming as he did. Upon my word! Miss Pecksniff's husband
+travels gayly!'
+
+'A very fine-looking gentleman with him--in the best room now,'
+whispered Mrs Lupin, glancing up at the window as they went into the
+house. 'He has ordered everything that can be got for dinner; and has
+the glossiest moustaches and whiskers ever you saw.'
+
+'Has he?' cried Martin, 'why then we'll endeavour to avoid him too, in
+the hope that our self-denial may be strong enough for the sacrifice.
+It is only for a few hours,' said Martin, dropping wearily into a chair
+behind the little screen in the bar. 'Our visit has met with no success,
+my dear Mrs Lupin, and I must go to London.'
+
+'Dear, dear!' cried the hostess.
+
+'Yes, one foul wind no more makes a winter, than one swallow makes a
+summer. I'll try it again. Tom Pinch has succeeded. With his advice to
+guide me, I may do the same. I took Tom under my protection once, God
+save the mark!' said Martin, with a melancholy smile; 'and promised I
+would make his fortune. Perhaps Tom will take me under HIS protection
+now, and teach me how to earn my bread.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
+
+FURTHER CONTINUATION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND
+
+
+It was a special quality, among the many admirable qualities possessed
+by Mr Pecksniff, that the more he was found out, the more hypocrisy he
+practised. Let him be discomfited in one quarter, and he refreshed and
+recompensed himself by carrying the war into another. If his workings
+and windings were detected by A, so much the greater reason was there
+for practicing without loss of time on B, if it were only to keep his
+hand in. He had never been such a saintly and improving spectacle to all
+about him, as after his detection by Thomas Pinch. He had scarcely ever
+been at once so tender in his humanity, and so dignified and exalted in
+his virtue, as when young Martin's scorn was fresh and hot upon him.
+
+Having this large stock of superfluous sentiment and morality on hand
+which must positively be cleared off at any sacrifice, Mr Pecksniff no
+sooner heard his son-in-law announced, than he regarded him as a kind
+of wholesale or general order, to be immediately executed. Descending,
+therefore, swiftly to the parlour, and clasping the young man in
+his arms, he exclaimed, with looks and gestures that denoted the
+perturbation of his spirit:
+
+'Jonas. My child--she is well! There is nothing the matter?'
+
+'What, you're at it again, are you?' replied his son-in-law. 'Even with
+me? Get away with you, will you?'
+
+'Tell me she is well then,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Tell me she is well my
+boy!'
+
+'She's well enough,' retorted Jonas, disengaging himself. 'There's
+nothing the matter with HER.'
+
+'There is nothing the matter with her!' cried Mr Pecksniff, sitting down
+in the nearest chair, and rubbing up his hair. 'Fie upon my weakness!
+I cannot help it, Jonas. Thank you. I am better now. How is my other
+child; my eldest; my Cherrywerrychigo?' said Mr Pecksniff, inventing a
+playful little name for her, in the restored lightness of his heart.
+
+'She's much about the same as usual,' returned Jonas. 'She sticks
+pretty close to the vinegar-bottle. You know she's got a sweetheart, I
+suppose?'
+
+'I have heard of it,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'from headquarters; from my
+child herself I will not deny that it moved me to contemplate the loss
+of my remaining daughter, Jonas--I am afraid we parents are selfish, I
+am afraid we are--but it has ever been the study of my life to qualify
+them for the domestic hearth; and it is a sphere which Cherry will
+adorn.'
+
+'She need adorn some sphere or other,' observed the son-in-law, for she
+ain't very ornamental in general.'
+
+'My girls are now provided for,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'They are now
+happily provided for, and I have not laboured in vain!'
+
+This is exactly what Mr Pecksniff would have said, if one of his
+daughters had drawn a prize of thirty thousand pounds in the lottery, or
+if the other had picked up a valuable purse in the street, which nobody
+appeared to claim. In either of these cases he would have invoked a
+patriarchal blessing on the fortunate head, with great solemnity, and
+would have taken immense credit to himself, as having meant it from the
+infant's cradle.
+
+'Suppose we talk about something else, now,' observed Jonas, drily.
+'just for a change. Are you quite agreeable?'
+
+'Quite,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Ah, you wag, you naughty wag! You laugh at
+poor old fond papa. Well! He deserves it. And he don't mind it either,
+for his feelings are their own reward. You have come to stay with me,
+Jonas?'
+
+'No. I've got a friend with me,' said Jonas.
+
+'Bring your friend!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a gush of hospitality.
+'Bring any number of your friends!'
+
+'This ain't the sort of man to be brought,' said Jonas, contemptuously.
+'I think I see myself "bringing" him to your house, for a treat!
+Thank'ee all the same; but he's a little too near the top of the tree
+for that, Pecksniff.'
+
+The good man pricked up his ears; his interest was awakened. A position
+near the top of the tree was greatness, virtue, goodness, sense, genius;
+or, it should rather be said, a dispensation from all, and in itself
+something immeasurably better than all; with Mr Pecksniff. A man who was
+able to look down upon Mr Pecksniff could not be looked up at, by that
+gentleman, with too great an amount of deference, or from a position of
+too much humility. So it always is with great spirits.
+
+'I'll tell you what you may do, if you like,' said Jonas; 'you may come
+and dine with us at the Dragon. We were forced to come down to Salisbury
+last night, on some business, and I got him to bring me over here this
+morning, in his carriage; at least, not his own carriage, for we had
+a breakdown in the night, but one we hired instead; it's all the same.
+Mind what you're about, you know. He's not used to all sorts; he only
+mixes with the best!'
+
+'Some young nobleman who has been borrowing money of you at good
+interest, eh?' said Mr Pecksniff, shaking his forefinger facetiously. 'I
+shall be delighted to know the gay sprig.'
+
+'Borrowing!' echoed Jonas. 'Borrowing! When you're a twentieth part as
+rich as he is, you may shut up shop! We should be pretty well off if we
+could buy his furniture, and plate, and pictures, by clubbing together.
+A likely man to borrow: Mr Montague! Why since I was lucky enough (come!
+and I'll say, sharp enough, too) to get a share in the Assurance office
+that he's President of, I've made--never mind what I've made,' said
+Jonas, seeming to recover all at once his usual caution. 'You know me
+pretty well, and I don't blab about such things. But, Ecod, I've made a
+trifle.'
+
+'Really, my dear Jonas,' cried Mr Pecksniff, with much warmth, 'a
+gentleman like this should receive some attention. Would he like to
+see the church? or if he has a taste for the fine arts--which I have no
+doubt he has, from the description you give of his circumstances--I can
+send him down a few portfolios. Salisbury Cathedral, my dear Jonas,'
+said Mr Pecksniff; the mention of the portfolios and his anxiety to
+display himself to advantage, suggesting his usual phraseology in
+that regard, 'is an edifice replete with venerable associations,
+and strikingly suggestive of the loftiest emotions. It is here we
+contemplate the work of bygone ages. It is here we listen to the
+swelling organ, as we stroll through the reverberating aisles. We have
+drawings of this celebrated structure from the North, from the South,
+from the East, from the West, from the South-East, from the Nor'West--'
+
+During this digression, and indeed during the whole dialogue, Jonas had
+been rocking on his chair, with his hands in his pockets and his head
+thrown cunningly on one side. He looked at Mr Pecksniff now with such
+shrewd meaning twinkling in his eyes, that Mr Pecksniff stopped, and
+asked him what he was going to say.
+
+'Ecod!' he answered. 'Pecksniff if I knew how you meant to leave your
+money, I could put you in the way of doubling it in no time. It wouldn't
+be bad to keep a chance like this snug in the family. But you're such a
+deep one!'
+
+'Jonas!' cried Mr Pecksniff, much affected, 'I am not a diplomatical
+character; my heart is in my hand. By far the greater part of the
+inconsiderable savings I have accumulated in the course of--I hope--a
+not dishonourable or useless career, is already given, devised, and
+bequeathed (correct me, my dear Jonas, if I am technically wrong), with
+expressions of confidence, which I will not repeat; and in securities
+which it is unnecessary to mention to a person whom I cannot, whom
+I will not, whom I need not, name.' Here he gave the hand of his
+son-in-law a fervent squeeze, as if he would have added, 'God bless you;
+be very careful of it when you get it!'
+
+Mr Jonas only shook his head and laughed, and, seeming to think better
+of what he had had in his mind, said, 'No. He would keep his own
+counsel.' But as he observed that he would take a walk, Mr Pecksniff
+insisted on accompanying him, remarking that he could leave a card for
+Mr Montague, as they went along, by way of gentleman-usher to himself at
+dinner-time. Which he did.
+
+In the course of their walk, Mr Jonas affected to maintain that close
+reserve which had operated as a timely check upon him during the
+foregoing dialogue. And as he made no attempt to conciliate Mr
+Pecksniff, but, on the contrary, was more boorish and rude to him than
+usual, that gentleman, so far from suspecting his real design, laid
+himself out to be attacked with advantage. For it is in the nature of a
+knave to think the tools with which he works indispensable to knavery;
+and knowing what he would do himself in such a case, Mr Pecksniff
+argued, 'if this young man wanted anything of me for his own ends, he
+would be polite and deferential.'
+
+The more Jonas repelled him in his hints and inquiries, the more
+solicitous, therefore, Mr Pecksniff became to be initiated into the
+golden mysteries at which he had obscurely glanced. Why should there be
+cold and worldly secrets, he observed, between relations? What was life
+without confidence? If the chosen husband of his daughter, the man to
+whom he had delivered her with so much pride and hope, such bounding
+and such beaming joy; if he were not a green spot in the barren waste of
+life, where was that oasis to be bound?
+
+Little did Mr Pecksniff think on what a very green spot he planted one
+foot at that moment! Little did he foresee when he said, 'All is but
+dust!' how very shortly he would come down with his own!
+
+Inch by inch, in his grudging and ill-conditioned way; sustained to the
+life, for the hope of making Mr Pecksniff suffer in that tender place,
+the pocket, where Jonas smarted so terribly himself, gave him an
+additional and malicious interest in the wiles he was set on to
+practise; inch by inch, and bit by bit, Jonas rather allowed the
+dazzling prospects of the Anglo-Bengalee establishment to escape him,
+than paraded them before his greedy listener. And in the same niggardly
+spirit, he left Mr Pecksniff to infer, if he chose (which he DID choose,
+of course), that a consciousness of not having any great natural gifts
+of speech and manner himself, rendered him desirous to have the credit
+of introducing to Mr Montague some one who was well endowed in those
+respects, and so atone for his own deficiencies. Otherwise, he muttered
+discontentedly, he would have seen his beloved father-in-law 'far enough
+off,' before he would have taken him into his confidence.
+
+Primed in this artful manner, Mr Pecksniff presented himself at
+dinner-time in such a state of suavity, benevolence, cheerfulness,
+politeness, and cordiality, as even he had perhaps never attained
+before. The frankness of the country gentleman, the refinement of
+the artist, the good-humoured allowance of the man of the world;
+philanthropy, forbearance, piety, toleration, all blended together in a
+flexible adaptability to anything and everything; were expressed in Mr
+Pecksniff, as he shook hands with the great speculator and capitalist.
+
+'Welcome, respected sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to our humble village! We
+are a simple people; primitive clods, Mr Montague; but we can appreciate
+the honour of your visit, as my dear son-in-law can testify. It is very
+strange,' said Mr Pecksniff, pressing his hand almost reverentially,
+'but I seem to know you. That towering forehead, my dear Jonas,' said Mr
+Pecksniff aside, 'and those clustering masses of rich hair--I must have
+seen you, my dear sir, in the sparkling throng.'
+
+Nothing was more probable, they all agreed.
+
+'I could have wished,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'to have had the honour of
+introducing you to an elderly inmate of our house: to the uncle of our
+friend. Mr Chuzzlewit, sir, would have been proud indeed to have taken
+you by the hand.'
+
+'Is the gentleman here now?' asked Montague, turning deeply red. 'He
+is,' said Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'You said nothing about that, Chuzzlewit.'
+
+'I didn't suppose you'd care to hear of it,' returned Jonas. 'You
+wouldn't care to know him, I can promise you.'
+
+'Jonas! my dear Jonas!' remonstrated Mr Pecksniff. 'Really!'
+
+'Oh! it's all very well for you to speak up for him,' said Jonas. 'You
+have nailed him. You'll get a fortune by him.'
+
+'Oho! Is the wind in that quarter?' cried Montague. 'Ha, ha, ha!' and
+here they all laughed--especially Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'No, no!' said that gentleman, clapping his son-in-law playfully upon
+the shoulder. 'You must not believe all that my young relative says,
+Mr Montague. You may believe him in official business, and trust him in
+official business, but you must not attach importance to his flights of
+fancy.'
+
+'Upon my life, Mr Pecksniff,' cried Montague, 'I attach the greatest
+importance to that last observation of his. I trust and hope it's true.
+Money cannot be turned and turned again quickly enough in the ordinary
+course, Mr Pecksniff. There is nothing like building our fortune on the
+weaknesses of mankind.'
+
+'Oh fie! oh fie, for shame!' cried Mr Pecksniff. But they all laughed
+again--especially Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'I give you my honour that WE do it,' said Montague.
+
+'Oh fie, fie!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'You are very pleasant. That I am
+sure you don't! That I am sure you don't! How CAN you, you know?'
+
+Again they all laughed in concert; and again Mr Pecksniff laughed
+especially.
+
+This was very agreeable indeed. It was confidential, easy,
+straight-forward; and still left Mr Pecksniff in the position of being
+in a gentle way the Mentor of the party. The greatest achievements in
+the article of cookery that the Dragon had ever performed, were set
+before them; the oldest and best wines in the Dragon's cellar saw the
+light on that occasion; a thousand bubbles, indicative of the wealth and
+station of Mr Montague in the depths of his pursuits, were constantly
+rising to the surface of the conversation; and they were as frank and
+merry as three honest men could be. Mr Pecksniff thought it a pity (he
+said so) that Mr Montague should think lightly of mankind and their
+weaknesses. He was anxious upon this subject; his mind ran upon it; in
+one way or another he was constantly coming back to it; he must make
+a convert of him, he said. And as often as Mr Montague repeated his
+sentiment about building fortunes on the weaknesses of mankind, and
+added frankly, 'WE do it!' just as often Mr Pecksniff repeated 'Oh fie!
+oh fie, for shame! I am sure you don't. How CAN you, you know?' laying a
+greater stress each time on those last words.
+
+The frequent repetition of this playful inquiry on the part of Mr
+Pecksniff, led at last to playful answers on the part of Mr Montague;
+but after some little sharp-shooting on both sides, Mr Pecksniff became
+grave, almost to tears; observing that if Mr Montague would give
+him leave, he would drink the health of his young kinsman, Mr Jonas;
+congratulating him upon the valuable and distinguished friendship he
+had formed, but envying him, he would confess, his usefulness to his
+fellow-creatures. For, if he understood the objects of that Institution
+with which he was newly and advantageously connected--knowing them
+but imperfectly--they were calculated to do Good; and for his (Mr
+Pecksniff's) part, if he could in any way promote them, he thought
+he would be able to lay his head upon his pillow every night, with an
+absolute certainty of going to sleep at once.
+
+The transition from this accidental remark (for it was quite accidental
+and had fallen from Mr Pecksniff in the openness of his soul), to the
+discussion of the subject as a matter of business, was easy. Books,
+papers, statements, tables, calculations of various kinds, were soon
+spread out before them; and as they were all framed with one object,
+it is not surprising that they should all have tended to one end. But
+still, whenever Montague enlarged upon the profits of the office, and
+said that as long as there were gulls upon the wing it must succeed, Mr
+Pecksniff mildly said 'Oh fie!'--and might indeed have remonstrated
+with him, but that he knew he was joking. Mr Pecksniff did know he was
+joking; because he said so.
+
+There never had been before, and there never would be again, such
+an opportunity for the investment of a considerable sum (the rate of
+advantage increased in proportion to the amount invested), as at that
+moment. The only time that had at all approached it, was the time when
+Jonas had come into the concern; which made him ill-natured now, and
+inclined him to pick out a doubt in this place, and a flaw in that, and
+grumbling to advise Mr Pecksniff to think better of it. The sum which
+would complete the proprietorship in this snug concern, was nearly equal
+to Mr Pecksniff's whole hoard; not counting Mr Chuzzlewit, that is to
+say, whom he looked upon as money in the Bank, the possession of which
+inclined him the more to make a dash with his own private sprats for
+the capture of such a whale as Mr Montague described. The returns
+began almost immediately, and were immense. The end of it was, that
+Mr Pecksniff agreed to become the last partner and proprietor in the
+Anglo-Bengalee, and made an appointment to dine with Mr Montague, at
+Salisbury, on the next day but one, then and there to complete the
+negotiation.
+
+It took so long to bring the subject to this head, that it was nearly
+midnight when they parted. When Mr Pecksniff walked downstairs to the
+door, he found Mrs Lupin standing there, looking out.
+
+'Ah, my good friend!' he said; 'not a-bed yet! Contemplating the stars,
+Mrs Lupin?'
+
+'It's a beautiful starlight night, sir.'
+
+'A beautiful starlight night,' said Mr Pecksniff, looking up. 'Behold
+the planets, how they shine! Behold the--those two persons who were here
+this morning have left your house, I hope, Mrs Lupin?'
+
+'Yes, sir. They are gone.'
+
+'I am glad to hear it,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Behold the wonders of the
+firmament, Mrs Lupin! how glorious is the scene! When I look up at those
+shining orbs, I think that each of them is winking to the other to
+take notice of the vanity of men's pursuits. My fellow-men!' cried Mr
+Pecksniff, shaking his head in pity; 'you are much mistaken; my wormy
+relatives, you are much deceived! The stars are perfectly contented (I
+suppose so) in their several spheres. Why are not you? Oh! do not strive
+and struggle to enrich yourselves, or to get the better of each other,
+my deluded friends, but look up there, with me!'
+
+Mrs Lupin shook her head, and heaved a sigh. It was very affecting.
+
+'Look up there, with me!' repeated Mr Pecksniff, stretching out
+his hand; 'With me, a humble individual who is also an insect like
+yourselves. Can silver, gold, or precious stones, sparkle like those
+constellations! I think not. Then do not thirst for silver, gold, or
+precious stones; but look up there, with me!'
+
+With those words, the good man patted Mrs Lupin's hand between his own,
+as if he would have added 'think of this, my good woman!' and walked
+away in a sort of ecstasy or rapture, with his hat under his arm.
+
+Jonas sat in the attitude in which Mr Pecksniff had left him, gazing
+moodily at his friend; who, surrounded by a heap of documents, was
+writing something on an oblong slip of paper.
+
+'You mean to wait at Salisbury over the day after to-morrow, do you,
+then?' said Jonas.
+
+'You heard our appointment,' returned Montague, without raising his
+eyes. 'In any case I should have waited to see after the boy.'
+
+They appeared to have changed places again; Montague being in high
+spirits; Jonas gloomy and lowering.
+
+'You don't want me, I suppose?' said Jonas.
+
+'I want you to put your name here,' he returned, glancing at him with a
+smile, 'as soon as I have filled up the stamp. I may as well have your
+note of hand for that extra capital. That's all I want. If you wish
+to go home, I can manage Mr Pecksniff now, alone. There is a perfect
+understanding between us.'
+
+Jonas sat scowling at him as he wrote, in silence. When he had
+finished his writing, and had dried it on the blotting paper in his
+travelling-desk; he looked up, and tossed the pen towards him.
+
+'What, not a day's grace, not a day's trust, eh?' said Jonas bitterly.
+'Not after the pains I have taken with to-night's work?'
+
+'To night's work was a part of our bargain,' replied Montague; 'and so
+was this.'
+
+'You drive a hard bargain,' said Jonas, advancing to the table. 'You
+know best. Give it here!'
+
+Montague gave him the paper. After pausing as if he could not make up
+his mind to put his name to it, Jonas dipped his pen hastily in the
+nearest inkstand, and began to write. But he had scarcely marked the
+paper when he started back, in a panic.
+
+'Why, what the devil's this?' he said. 'It's bloody!'
+
+He had dipped the pen, as another moment showed, into red ink. But he
+attached a strange degree of importance to the mistake. He asked how it
+had come there, who had brought it, why it had been brought; and looked
+at Montague, at first, as if he thought he had put a trick upon him.
+Even when he used a different pen, and the right ink, he made some
+scratches on another paper first, as half believing they would turn red
+also.
+
+'Black enough, this time,' he said, handing the note to Montague.
+'Good-bye.'
+
+'Going now! how do you mean to get away from here?'
+
+'I shall cross early in the morning to the high road, before you are out
+of bed; and catch the day-coach, going up. Good-bye!'
+
+'You are in a hurry!'
+
+'I have something to do,' said Jonas. 'Good-bye!'
+
+His friend looked after him as he went out, in surprise, which gradually
+gave place to an air of satisfaction and relief.
+
+'It happens all the better. It brings about what I wanted, without any
+difficulty. I shall travel home alone.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
+
+IN WHICH TOM PINCH AND HIS SISTER TAKE A LITTLE PLEASURE; BUT QUITE IN A
+DOMESTIC WAY, AND WITH NO CEREMONY ABOUT IT
+
+
+Tom Pinch and his sister having to part, for the dispatch of the
+morning's business, immediately after the dispersion of the other actors
+in the scene upon the wharf with which the reader has been already made
+acquainted, had no opportunity of discussing the subject at that time.
+But Tom, in his solitary office, and Ruth, in the triangular parlour,
+thought about nothing else all day; and, when their hour of meeting in
+the afternoon approached, they were very full of it, to be sure.
+
+There was a little plot between them, that Tom should always come out
+of the Temple by one way; and that was past the fountain. Coming through
+Fountain Court, he was just to glance down the steps leading into Garden
+Court, and to look once all round him; and if Ruth had come to meet him,
+there he would see her; not sauntering, you understand (on account of
+the clerks), but coming briskly up, with the best little laugh upon her
+face that ever played in opposition to the fountain, and beat it all to
+nothing. For, fifty to one, Tom had been looking for her in the wrong
+direction, and had quite given her up, while she had been tripping
+towards him from the first; jingling that little reticule of hers (with
+all the keys in it) to attract his wandering observation.
+
+Whether there was life enough left in the slow vegetation of Fountain
+Court for the smoky shrubs to have any consciousness of the brightest
+and purest-hearted little woman in the world, is a question for
+gardeners, and those who are learned in the loves of plants. But, that
+it was a good thing for that same paved yard to have such a delicate
+little figure flitting through it; that it passed like a smile from the
+grimy old houses, and the worn flagstones, and left them duller, darker,
+sterner than before; there is no sort of doubt. The Temple fountain
+might have leaped up twenty feet to greet the spring of hopeful
+maidenhood, that in her person stole on, sparkling, through the dry and
+dusty channels of the Law; the chirping sparrows, bred in Temple
+chinks and crannies, might have held their peace to listen to imaginary
+skylarks, as so fresh a little creature passed; the dingy boughs, unused
+to droop, otherwise than in their puny growth, might have bent down in
+a kindred gracefulness to shed their benedictions on her graceful head;
+old love letters, shut up in iron boxes in the neighbouring offices, and
+made of no account among the heaps of family papers into which they had
+strayed, and of which, in their degeneracy, they formed a part, might
+have stirred and fluttered with a moment's recollection of their ancient
+tenderness, as she went lightly by. Anything might have happened that
+did not happen, and never will, for the love of Ruth.
+
+Something happened, too, upon the afternoon of which the history treats.
+Not for her love. Oh no! quite by accident, and without the least
+reference to her at all.
+
+Either she was a little too soon, or Tom was a little too late--she was
+so precise in general, that she timed it to half a minute--but no Tom
+was there. Well! But was anybody else there, that she blushed so deeply,
+after looking round, and tripped off down the steps with such unusual
+expedition?
+
+Why, the fact is, that Mr Westlock was passing at that moment. The
+Temple is a public thoroughfare; they may write up on the gates that it
+is not, but so long as the gates are left open it is, and will be; and
+Mr Westlock had as good a right to be there as anybody else. But why did
+she run away, then? Not being ill dressed, for she was much too neat for
+that, why did she run away? The brown hair that had fallen down beneath
+her bonnet, and had one impertinent imp of a false flower clinging to
+it, boastful of its licence before all men, THAT could not have been the
+cause, for it looked charming. Oh! foolish, panting, frightened little
+heart, why did she run away!
+
+Merrily the tiny fountain played, and merrily the dimples sparkled on
+its sunny face. John Westlock hurried after her. Softly the whispering
+water broke and fell; as roguishly the dimples twinkled, as he stole
+upon her footsteps.
+
+Oh, foolish, panting, timid little heart, why did she feign to be
+unconscious of his coming! Why wish herself so far away, yet be so
+flutteringly happy there!
+
+'I felt sure it was you,' said John, when he overtook her in the
+sanctuary of Garden Court. 'I knew I couldn't be mistaken.'
+
+She was SO surprised.
+
+'You are waiting for your brother,' said John. 'Let me bear you
+company.'
+
+So light was the touch of the coy little hand, that he glanced down to
+assure himself he had it on his arm. But his glance, stopping for
+an instant at the bright eyes, forgot its first design, and went no
+farther.
+
+They walked up and down three or four times, speaking about Tom and his
+mysterious employment. Now that was a very natural and innocent subject,
+surely. Then why, whenever Ruth lifted up her eyes, did she let them
+fall again immediately, and seek the uncongenial pavement of the court?
+They were not such eyes as shun the light; they were not such eyes
+as require to be hoarded to enhance their value. They were much too
+precious and too genuine to stand in need of arts like those. Somebody
+must have been looking at them!
+
+They found out Tom, though, quickly enough. This pair of eyes descried
+him in the distance, the moment he appeared. He was staring about him,
+as usual, in all directions but the right one; and was as obstinate
+in not looking towards them, as if he had intended it. As it was plain
+that, being left to himself, he would walk away home, John Westlock
+darted off to stop him.
+
+This made the approach of poor little Ruth, by herself, one of the
+most embarrassing of circumstances. There was Tom, manifesting extreme
+surprise (he had no presence of mind, that Tom, on small occasions);
+there was John, making as light of it as he could, but explaining at the
+same time with most unnecessary elaboration; and here was she, coming
+towards them, with both of them looking at her, conscious of blushing to
+a terrible extent, but trying to throw up her eyebrows carelessly, and
+pout her rosy lips, as if she were the coolest and most unconcerned of
+little women.
+
+Merrily the fountain plashed and plashed, until the dimples, merging
+into one another, swelled into a general smile, that covered the whole
+surface of the basin.
+
+'What an extraordinary meeting!' said Tom. 'I should never have dreamed
+of seeing you two together here.'
+
+'Quite accidental,' John was heard to murmur.
+
+'Exactly,' cried Tom; 'that's what I mean, you know. If it wasn't
+accidental, there would be nothing remarkable in it.'
+
+'To be sure,' said John.
+
+'Such an out-of-the-way place for you to have met in,' pursued Tom,
+quite delighted. 'Such an unlikely spot!'
+
+John rather disputed that. On the contrary, he considered it a very
+likely spot, indeed. He was constantly passing to and fro there, he
+said. He shouldn't wonder if it were to happen again. His only wonder
+was, that it had never happened before.
+
+By this time Ruth had got round on the farther side of her brother, and
+had taken his arm. She was squeezing it now, as much as to say 'Are you
+going to stop here all day, you dear, old, blundering Tom?'
+
+Tom answered the squeeze as if it had been a speech. 'John,' he said,
+'if you'll give my sister your arm, we'll take her between us, and walk
+on. I have a curious circumstance to relate to you. Our meeting could
+not have happened better.'
+
+Merrily the fountain leaped and danced, and merrily the smiling dimples
+twinkled and expanded more and more, until they broke into a laugh
+against the basin's rim, and vanished.
+
+'Tom,' said his friend, as they turned into the noisy street, 'I have a
+proposition to make. It is, that you and your sister--if she will so far
+honour a poor bachelor's dwelling--give me a great pleasure, and come
+and dine with me.'
+
+'What, to-day?' cried Tom.
+
+'Yes, to-day. It's close by, you know. Pray, Miss Pinch, insist upon it.
+It will be very disinterested, for I have nothing to give you.'
+
+'Oh! you must not believe that, Ruth,' said Tom. 'He is the most
+tremendous fellow, in his housekeeping, that I ever heard of, for a
+single man. He ought to be Lord Mayor. Well! what do you say? Shall we
+go?'
+
+'If you please, Tom,' rejoined his dutiful little sister.
+
+'But I mean,' said Tom, regarding her with smiling admiration; 'is there
+anything you ought to wear, and haven't got? I am sure I don't know,
+John; she may not be able to take her bonnet off, for anything I can
+tell.'
+
+There was a great deal of laughing at this, and there were divers
+compliments from John Westlock--not compliments HE said at least (and
+really he was right), but good, plain, honest truths, which no one could
+deny. Ruth laughed, and all that, but she made no objection; so it was
+an engagement.
+
+'If I had known it a little sooner,' said John, 'I would have tried
+another pudding. Not in rivalry; but merely to exalt that famous one. I
+wouldn't on any account have had it made with suet.'
+
+'Why not?' asked Tom.
+
+'Because that cookery-book advises suet,' said John Westlock; 'and ours
+was made with flour and eggs.'
+
+'Oh good gracious!' cried Tom. 'Ours was made with flour and eggs,
+was it? Ha, ha, ha! A beefsteak pudding made with flour and eggs! Why
+anybody knows better than that. I know better than that! Ha, ha, ha!'
+
+It is unnecessary to say that Tom had been present at the making of the
+pudding, and had been a devoted believer in it all through. But he was
+so delighted to have this joke against his busy little sister and was
+tickled to that degree at having found her out, that he stopped
+in Temple Bar to laugh; and it was no more to Tom, that he was
+anathematized and knocked about by the surly passengers, than it would
+have been to a post; for he continued to exclaim with unabated good
+humour, 'flour and eggs! A beefsteak pudding made with flour and eggs!'
+until John Westlock and his sister fairly ran away from him, and left
+him to have his laugh out by himself; which he had, and then came
+dodging across the crowded street to them, with such sweet temper and
+tenderness (it was quite a tender joke of Tom's) beaming in his face,
+God bless it, that it might have purified the air, though Temple Bar had
+been, as in the golden days gone by, embellished with a row of rotting
+human heads.
+
+There are snug chambers in those Inns where the bachelors live, and, for
+the desolate fellows they pretend to be, it is quite surprising how well
+they get on. John was very pathetic on the subject of his dreary life,
+and the deplorable makeshifts and apologetic contrivances it involved,
+but he really seemed to make himself pretty comfortable. His rooms were
+the perfection of neatness and convenience at any rate; and if he were
+anything but comfortable, the fault was certainly not theirs.
+
+He had no sooner ushered Tom and his sister into his best room (where
+there was a beautiful little vase of fresh flowers on the table, all
+ready for Ruth. Just as if he had expected her, Tom said), than, seizing
+his hat, he bustled out again, in his most energetically bustling, way;
+and presently came hurrying back, as they saw through the half-opened
+door, attended by a fiery-faced matron attired in a crunched bonnet,
+with particularly long strings to it hanging down her back; in
+conjunction with whom he instantly began to lay the cloth for dinner,
+polishing up the wine-glasses with his own hands, brightening the silver
+top of the pepper-caster on his coat-sleeve, drawing corks and filling
+decanters, with a skill and expedition that were quite dazzling. And
+as if, in the course of this rubbing and polishing, he had rubbed an
+enchanted lamp or a magic ring, obedient to which there were twenty
+thousand supernatural slaves at least, suddenly there appeared a being
+in a white waistcoat, carrying under his arm a napkin, and attended by
+another being with an oblong box upon his head, from which a banquet,
+piping hot, was taken out and set upon the table.
+
+Salmon, lamb, peas, innocent young potatoes, a cool salad, sliced
+cucumber, a tender duckling, and a tart--all there. They all came at the
+right time. Where they came from, didn't appear; but the oblong box was
+constantly going and coming, and making its arrival known to the man in
+the white waistcoat by bumping modestly against the outside of the door;
+for, after its first appearance, it entered the room no more. He
+was never surprised, this man; he never seemed to wonder at the
+extraordinary things he found in the box, but took them out with a face
+expressive of a steady purpose and impenetrable character, and put
+them on the table. He was a kind man; gentle in his manners, and much
+interested in what they ate and drank. He was a learned man, and knew
+the flavour of John Westlock's private sauces, which he softly and
+feelingly described, as he handed the little bottles round. He was a
+grave man, and a noiseless; for dinner being done, and wine and fruit
+arranged upon the board, he vanished, box and all, like something that
+had never been.
+
+'Didn't I say he was a tremendous fellow in his housekeeping?' cried
+Tom. 'Bless my soul! It's wonderful.'
+
+'Ah, Miss Pinch,' said John. 'This is the bright side of the life we
+lead in such a place. It would be a dismal life, indeed, if it didn't
+brighten up to-day'
+
+'Don't believe a word he says,' cried Tom. 'He lives here like a
+monarch, and wouldn't change his mode of life for any consideration. He
+only pretends to grumble.'
+
+No, John really did not appear to pretend; for he was uncommonly earnest
+in his desire to have it understood that he was as dull, solitary, and
+uncomfortable on ordinary occasions as an unfortunate young man could,
+in reason, be. It was a wretched life, he said, a miserable life. He
+thought of getting rid of the chambers as soon as possible; and meant,
+in fact, to put a bill up very shortly.
+
+'Well' said Tom Pinch, 'I don't know where you can go, John, to be more
+comfortable. That's all I can say. What do YOU say, Ruth?'
+
+Ruth trifled with the cherries on her plate, and said that she thought
+Mr Westlock ought to be quite happy, and that she had no doubt he was.
+
+Ah, foolish, panting, frightened little heart, how timidly she said it!
+
+'But you are forgetting what you had to tell, Tom; what occurred this
+morning,' she added in the same breath.
+
+'So I am,' said Tom. 'We have been so talkative on other topics that I
+declare I have not had time to think of it. I'll tell it you at once,
+John, in case I should forget it altogether.'
+
+On Tom's relating what had passed upon the wharf, his friend was very
+much surprised, and took such a great interest in the narrative as
+Tom could not quite understand. He believed he knew the old lady whose
+acquaintance they had made, he said; and that he might venture to say,
+from their description of her, that her name was Gamp. But of what
+nature the communication could have been which Tom had borne so
+unexpectedly; why its delivery had been entrusted to him; how it
+happened that the parties were involved together; and what secret lay
+at the bottom of the whole affair; perplexed him very much. Tom had been
+sure of his taking some interest in the matter; but was not prepared for
+the strong interest he showed. It held John Westlock to the subject even
+after Ruth had left the room; and evidently made him anxious to pursue
+it further than as a mere subject of conversation.
+
+'I shall remonstrate with my landlord, of course,' said Tom; 'though he
+is a very singular secret sort of man, and not likely to afford me much
+satisfaction; even if he knew what was in the letter.'
+
+'Which you may swear he did,' John interposed.
+
+'You think so?'
+
+'I am certain of it.'
+
+'Well!' said Tom, 'I shall remonstrate with him when I see him (he
+goes in and out in a strange way, but I will try to catch him tomorrow
+morning), on his having asked me to execute such an unpleasant
+commission. And I have been thinking, John, that if I went down to
+Mrs What's-her-name's in the City, where I was before, you know--Mrs
+Todgers's--to-morrow morning, I might find poor Mercy Pecksniff there,
+perhaps, and be able to explain to her how I came to have any hand in
+the business.'
+
+'You are perfectly right, Tom,' returned his friend, after a short
+interval of reflection. 'You cannot do better. It is quite clear to me
+that whatever the business is, there is little good in it; and it is so
+desirable for you to disentangle yourself from any appearance of willful
+connection with it, that I would counsel you to see her husband, if you
+can, and wash your hands of it by a plain statement of the facts. I have
+a misgiving that there is something dark at work here, Tom. I will tell
+you why, at another time; when I have made an inquiry or two myself.'
+
+All this sounded very mysterious to Tom Pinch. But as he knew he could
+rely upon his friend, he resolved to follow this advice.
+
+Ah, but it would have been a good thing to have had a coat of
+invisibility, wherein to have watched little Ruth, when she was left
+to herself in John Westlock's chambers, and John and her brother were
+talking thus, over their wine! The gentle way in which she tried to get
+up a little conversation with the fiery-faced matron in the crunched
+bonnet, who was waiting to attend her; after making a desperate rally
+in regard of her dress, and attiring herself in a washed-out yellow gown
+with sprigs of the same upon it, so that it looked like a tesselated
+work of pats of butter. That would have been pleasant. The grim and
+griffin-like inflexibility with which the fiery-faced matron repelled
+these engaging advances, as proceeding from a hostile and dangerous
+power, who could have no business there, unless it were to deprive her
+of a customer, or suggest what became of the self-consuming tea and
+sugar, and other general trifles. That would have been agreeable. The
+bashful, winning, glorious curiosity, with which little Ruth, when
+fiery-face was gone, peeped into the books and nick-nacks that
+were lying about, and had a particular interest in some delicate
+paper-matches on the chimney-piece; wondering who could have made them.
+That would have been worth seeing. The faltering hand with which she
+tied those flowers together; with which, almost blushing at her own
+fair self as imaged in the glass, she arranged them in her breast, and
+looking at them with her head aside, now half resolved to take them out
+again, now half resolved to leave them where they were. That would have
+been delightful!
+
+John seemed to think it all delightful; for coming in with Tom to
+tea, he took his seat beside her like a man enchanted. And when the
+tea-service had been removed, and Tom, sitting down at the piano, became
+absorbed in some of his old organ tunes, he was still beside her at the
+open window, looking out upon the twilight.
+
+There is little enough to see in Furnival's Inn. It is a shady, quiet
+place, echoing to the footsteps of the stragglers who have business
+there; and rather monotonous and gloomy on summer evenings. What gave it
+such a charm to them, that they remained at the window as unconscious of
+the flight of time as Tom himself, the dreamer, while the melodies which
+had so often soothed his spirit were hovering again about him! What
+power infused into the fading light, the gathering darkness; the stars
+that here and there appeared; the evening air, the City's hum and stir,
+the very chiming of the old church clocks; such exquisite enthrallment,
+that the divinest regions of the earth spread out before their eyes
+could not have held them captive in a stronger chain?
+
+The shadows deepened, deepened, and the room became quite dark. Still
+Tom's fingers wandered over the keys of the piano, and still the window
+had its pair of tenants. At length, her hand upon his shoulder, and her
+breath upon his forehead, roused Tom from his reverie.
+
+'Dear me!' he cried, desisting with a start. 'I am afraid I have been
+very inconsiderate and unpolite.'
+
+Tom little thought how much consideration and politeness he had shown!
+
+'Sing something to us, my dear,' said Tom, 'let us hear your voice.
+Come!'
+
+John Westlock added his entreaties with such earnestness that a flinty
+heart alone could have resisted them. Hers was not a flinty heart. Oh,
+dear no! Quite another thing.
+
+So down she sat, and in a pleasant voice began to sing the ballads Tom
+loved well. Old rhyming stories, with here and there a pause for a few
+simple chords, such as a harper might have sounded in the ancient time
+while looking upward for the current of some half-remembered legend;
+words of old poets, wedded to such measures that the strain of music
+might have been the poet's breath, giving utterance and expression to
+his thoughts; and now a melody so joyous and light-hearted, that the
+singer seemed incapable of sadness, until in her inconstancy (oh wicked
+little singer!) she relapsed, and broke the listeners' hearts again;
+these were the simple means she used to please them. And that these
+simple means prevailed, and she DID please them, let the still darkened
+chamber, and its long-deferred illumination witness.
+
+The candles came at last, and it was time for moving homeward. Cutting
+paper carefully, and rolling it about the stalks of those same flowers,
+occasioned some delay; but even this was done in time, and Ruth was
+ready.
+
+'Good night!' said Tom. 'A memorable and delightful visit, John! Good
+night!'
+
+John thought he would walk with them.
+
+'No, no. Don't!' said Tom. 'What nonsense! We can get home very well
+alone. I couldn't think of taking you out.'
+
+But John said he would rather.
+
+'Are you sure you would rather?' said Tom. 'I am afraid you only say so
+out of politeness.'
+
+John being quite sure, gave his arm to Ruth, and led her out.
+Fiery-face, who was again in attendance, acknowledged her departure with
+so cold a curtsey that it was hardly visible; and cut Tom, dead.
+
+Their host was bent on walking the whole distance, and would not listen
+to Tom's dissuasions. Happy time, happy walk, happy parting, happy
+dreams! But there are some sweet day-dreams, so there are that put the
+visions of the night to shame.
+
+Busily the Temple fountain murmured in the moonlight, while Ruth lay
+sleeping, with her flowers beside her; and John Westlock sketched a
+portrait--whose?--from memory.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
+
+IN WHICH MISS PECKSNIFF MAKES LOVE, MR JONAS MAKES WRATH, MRS GAMP MAKES
+TEA, AND MR CHUFFEY MAKES BUSINESS
+
+
+On the next day's official duties coming to a close, Tom hurried home
+without losing any time by the way; and after dinner and a short rest
+sallied out again, accompanied by Ruth, to pay his projected visit
+to Todgers's. Tom took Ruth with him, not only because it was a great
+pleasure to him to have her for his companion whenever he could, but
+because he wished her to cherish and comfort poor Merry; which she, for
+her own part (having heard the wretched history of that young wife from
+Tom), was all eagerness to do.
+
+'She was so glad to see me,' said Tom, 'that I am sure she will be
+glad to see you. Your sympathy is certain to be much more delicate and
+acceptable than mine.'
+
+'I am very far from being certain of that, Tom,' she replied; 'and
+indeed you do yourself an injustice. Indeed you do. But I hope she may
+like me, Tom.'
+
+'Oh, she is sure to do that!' cried Tom, confidently.
+
+'What a number of friends I should have, if everybody was of your way of
+thinking. Shouldn't I, Tom, dear?' said his little sister pinching him
+upon the cheek.
+
+Tom laughed, and said that with reference to this particular case he had
+no doubt at all of finding a disciple in Merry. 'For you women,' said
+Tom, 'you women, my dear, are so kind, and in your kindness have such
+nice perception; you know so well how to be affectionate and full of
+solicitude without appearing to be; your gentleness of feeling is like
+your touch so light and easy, that the one enables you to deal with
+wounds of the mind as tenderly as the other enables you to deal with
+wounds of the body. You are such--'
+
+'My goodness, Tom!' his sister interposed. 'You ought to fall in love
+immediately.'
+
+Tom put this observation off good humouredly, but somewhat gravely too;
+and they were soon very chatty again on some other subject.
+
+As they were passing through a street in the City, not very far from Mrs
+Todgers's place of residence, Ruth checked Tom before the window of
+a large Upholstery and Furniture Warehouse, to call his attention to
+something very magnificent and ingenious, displayed there to the best
+advantage, for the admiration and temptation of the public. Tom had
+hazarded some most erroneous and extravagantly wrong guess in relation
+to the price of this article, and had joined his sister in laughing
+heartily at his mistake, when he pressed her arm in his, and pointed to
+two persons at a little distance, who were looking in at the same window
+with a deep interest in the chests of drawers and tables.
+
+'Hush!' Tom whispered. 'Miss Pecksniff, and the young gentleman to whom
+she is going to be married.'
+
+'Why does he look as if he was going to be buried, Tom?' inquired his
+little sister.
+
+'Why, he is naturally a dismal young gentleman, I believe,' said Tom
+'but he is very civil and inoffensive.'
+
+'I suppose they are furnishing their house,' whispered Ruth.
+
+'Yes, I suppose they are,' replied Tom. 'We had better avoid speaking to
+them.'
+
+They could not very well avoid looking at them, however, especially
+as some obstruction on the pavement, at a little distance, happened to
+detain them where they were for a few moments. Miss Pecksniff had quite
+the air of having taken the unhappy Moddle captive, and brought him
+up to the contemplation of the furniture like a lamb to the altar.
+He offered no resistance, but was perfectly resigned and quiet. The
+melancholy depicted in the turn of his languishing head, and in his
+dejected attitude, was extreme; and though there was a full-sized
+four-post bedstead in the window, such a tear stood trembling in his eye
+as seemed to blot it out.
+
+'Augustus, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'ask the price of the eight
+rosewood chairs, and the loo table.'
+
+'Perhaps they are ordered already,' said Augustus. 'Perhaps they are
+Another's.'
+
+'They can make more like them, if they are,' rejoined Miss Pecksniff.
+
+'No, no, they can't,' said Moddle. 'It's impossible!'
+
+He appeared, for the moment, to be quite overwhelmed and stupefied by
+the prospect of his approaching happiness; but recovering, entered the
+shop. He returned immediately, saying in a tone of despair
+
+'Twenty-four pound ten!'
+
+Miss Pecksniff, turning to receive this announcement, became conscious
+of the observation of Tom Pinch and his sister.
+
+'Oh, really!' cried Miss Pecksniff, glancing about her, as if for some
+convenient means of sinking into the earth. 'Upon my word, I--there
+never was such a--to think that one should be so very--Mr Augustus
+Moddle, Miss Pinch!'
+
+Miss Pecksniff was quite gracious to Miss Pinch in this triumphant
+introduction; exceedingly gracious. She was more than gracious; she was
+kind and cordial. Whether the recollection of the old service Tom had
+rendered her in knocking Mr Jonas on the head had wrought this change in
+her opinions; or whether her separation from her parent had reconciled
+her to all human-kind, or to all that interesting portion of human-kind
+which was not friendly to him; or whether the delight of having some new
+female acquaintance to whom to communicate her interesting prospects was
+paramount to every other consideration; cordial and kind Miss Pecksniff
+was. And twice Miss Pecksniff kissed Miss Pinch upon the cheek.
+
+'Augustus--Mr Pinch, you know. My dear girl!' said Miss Pecksniff,
+aside. 'I never was so ashamed in my life.'
+
+Ruth begged her not to think of it.
+
+'I mind your brother less than anybody else,' simpered Miss Pecksniff.
+'But the indelicacy of meeting any gentleman under such circumstances!
+Augustus, my child, did you--'
+
+Here Miss Pecksniff whispered in his ear. The suffering Moddle repeated:
+
+'Twenty-four pound ten!'
+
+'Oh, you silly man! I don't mean them,' said Miss Pecksniff. 'I am
+speaking of the--'
+
+Here she whispered him again.
+
+'If it's the same patterned chintz as that in the window; thirty-two,
+twelve, six,' said Moddle, with a sigh. 'And very dear.'
+
+Miss Pecksniff stopped him from giving any further explanation by laying
+her hand upon his lips, and betraying a soft embarrassment. She then
+asked Tom Pinch which way he was going.
+
+'I was going to see if I could find your sister,' answered Tom, 'to whom
+I wished to say a few words. We were going to Mrs Todgers's, where I had
+the pleasure of seeing her before.'
+
+'It's of no use your going on, then,' said Cherry, 'for we have not
+long left there; and I know she is not at home. But I'll take you to my
+sister's house, if you please. Augustus--Mr Moddle, I mean--and myself,
+are on our way to tea there, now. You needn't think of HIM,' she added,
+nodding her head as she observed some hesitation on Tom's part. 'He is
+not at home.'
+
+'Are you sure?' asked Tom.
+
+'Oh, I am quite sure of that. I don't want any MORE revenge,' said Miss
+Pecksniff, expressively. 'But, really, I must beg you two gentlemen to
+walk on, and allow me to follow with Miss Pinch. My dear, I never was so
+taken by surprise!'
+
+In furtherance of this bashful arrangement, Moddle gave his arm to Tom;
+and Miss Pecksniff linked her own in Ruth's.
+
+'Of course, my love,' said Miss Pecksniff, 'it would be useless for me
+to disguise, after what you have seen, that I am about to be united to
+the gentleman who is walking with your brother. It would be in vain
+to conceal it. What do you think of him? Pray, let me have your candid
+opinion.'
+
+Ruth intimated that, as far as she could judge, he was a very eligible
+swain.
+
+'I am curious to know,' said Miss Pecksniff, with loquacious frankness,
+'whether you have observed, or fancied, in this very short space of
+time, that he is of a rather melancholy turn?'
+
+'So very short a time,' Ruth pleaded.
+
+'No, no; but don't let that interfere with your answer,' returned Miss
+Pecksniff. 'I am curious to hear what you say.'
+
+Ruth acknowledged that he had impressed her at first sight as looking
+'rather low.'
+
+'No, really?' said Miss Pecksniff. 'Well! that is quite remarkable!
+Everybody says the same. Mrs Todgers says the same; and Augustus informs
+me that it is quite a joke among the gentlemen in the house. Indeed, but
+for the positive commands I have laid upon him, I believe it would have
+been the occasion of loaded fire-arms being resorted to more than once.
+What do you think is the cause of his appearance of depression?'
+
+Ruth thought of several things; such as his digestion, his tailor, his
+mother, and the like. But hesitating to give utterance to any one of
+them, she refrained from expressing an opinion.
+
+'My dear,' said Miss Pecksniff; 'I shouldn't wish it to be known, but I
+don't mind mentioning it to you, having known your brother for so many
+years--I refused Augustus three times. He is of a most amiable and
+sensitive nature, always ready to shed tears if you look at him, which
+is extremely charming; and he has never recovered the effect of that
+cruelty. For it WAS cruel,' said Miss Pecksniff, with a self-conviction
+candour that might have adorned the diadem of her own papa. 'There is
+no doubt of it. I look back upon my conduct now with blushes. I always
+liked him. I felt that he was not to me what the crowd of young men who
+had made proposals had been, but something very different. Then what
+right had I to refuse him three times?'
+
+'It was a severe trial of his fidelity, no doubt,' said Ruth.
+
+'My dear,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'It was wrong. But such is the
+caprice and thoughtlessness of our sex! Let me be a warning to you.
+Don't try the feelings of any one who makes you an offer, as I have
+tried the feelings of Augustus; but if you ever feel towards a person
+as I really felt towards him, at the very time when I was driving him
+to distraction, let that feeling find expression, if that person throws
+himself at your feet, as Augustus Moddle did at mine. Think,' said Miss
+Pecksniff, 'what my feelings would have been, if I had goaded him to
+suicide, and it had got into the papers!'
+
+Ruth observed that she would have been full of remorse, no doubt.
+
+'Remorse!' cried Miss Pecksniff, in a sort of snug and comfortable
+penitence. 'What my remorse is at this moment, even after making
+reparation by accepting him, it would be impossible to tell you! Looking
+back upon my giddy self, my dear, now that I am sobered down and
+made thoughtful, by treading on the very brink of matrimony; and
+contemplating myself as I was when I was like what you are now; I
+shudder. I shudder. What is the consequence of my past conduct? Until
+Augustus leads me to the altar he is not sure of me. I have blighted and
+withered the affections of his heart to that extent that he is not sure
+of me. I see that preying on his mind and feeding on his vitals. What
+are the reproaches of my conscience, when I see this in the man I love!'
+
+Ruth endeavoured to express some sense of her unbounded and flattering
+confidence; and presumed that she was going to be married soon.
+
+'Very soon indeed,' returned Miss Pecksniff. 'As soon as our house is
+ready. We are furnishing now as fast as we can.'
+
+In the same vein of confidence Miss Pecksniff ran through a general
+inventory of the articles that were already bought with the articles
+that remained to be purchased; what garments she intended to be married
+in, and where the ceremony was to be performed; and gave Miss Pinch, in
+short (as she told her), early and exclusive information on all points
+of interest connected with the event.
+
+While this was going forward in the rear, Tom and Mr Moddle walked on,
+arm in arm, in the front, in a state of profound silence, which Tom at
+last broke; after thinking for a long time what he could say that should
+refer to an indifferent topic, in respect of which he might rely, with
+some degree of certainty, on Mr Moddle's bosom being unruffled.
+
+'I wonder,' said Tom, 'that in these crowded streets the foot-passengers
+are not oftener run over.'
+
+Mr Moddle, with a dark look, replied:
+
+'The drivers won't do it.'
+
+'Do you mean?' Tom began--
+
+'That there are some men,' interrupted Moddle, with a hollow laugh, 'who
+can't get run over. They live a charmed life. Coal waggons recoil from
+them, and even cabs refuse to run them down. Ah!' said Augustus, marking
+Tom's astonishment. 'There are such men. One of 'em is a friend of
+mine.'
+
+'Upon my word and honour,' thought Tom, 'this young gentleman is in
+a state of mind which is very serious indeed!' Abandoning all idea of
+conversation, he did not venture to say another word, but he was careful
+to keep a tight hold upon Augustus's arm, lest he should fly into the
+road, and making another and a more successful attempt, should get up a
+private little Juggernaut before the eyes of his betrothed. Tom was
+so afraid of his committing this rash act, that he had scarcely ever
+experienced such mental relief as when they arrived in safety at Mrs
+Jonas Chuzzlewit's house.
+
+'Walk up, pray, Mr Pinch,' said Miss Pecksniff. For Tom halted,
+irresolutely, at the door.
+
+'I am doubtful whether I should be welcome,' replied Tom, 'or, I ought
+rather to say, I have no doubt about it. I will send up a message, I
+think.'
+
+'But what nonsense that is!' returned Miss Pecksniff, speaking apart
+to Tom. 'He is not at home, I am certain. I know he is not; and Merry
+hasn't the least idea that you ever--'
+
+'No,' interrupted Tom. 'Nor would I have her know it, on any account. I
+am not so proud of that scuffle, I assure you.'
+
+'Ah, but then you are so modest, you see,' returned Miss Pecksniff, with
+a smile. 'But pray walk up. If you don't wish her to know it, and do
+wish to speak to her, pray walk up. Pray walk up, Miss Pinch. Don't
+stand here.'
+
+Tom still hesitated for he felt that he was in an awkward position. But
+Cherry passing him at this juncture, and leading his sister upstairs,
+and the house-door being at the same time shut behind them, he followed
+without quite knowing whether it was well or ill-judged so to do.
+
+'Merry, my darling!' said the fair Miss Pecksniff, opening the door of
+the usual sitting-room. 'Here are Mr Pinch and his sister come to see
+you! I thought we should find you here, Mrs Todgers! How do you do, Mrs
+Gamp? And how do you do, Mr Chuffey, though it's of no use asking you
+the question, I am well aware.'
+
+Honouring each of these parties, as she severally addressed them, with
+an acid smile, Miss Charity presented 'Mr Moddle.'
+
+'I believe you have seen HIM before,' she pleasantly observed.
+'Augustus, my sweet child, bring me a chair.'
+
+The sweet child did as he was told; and was then about to retire into a
+corner to mourn in secret, when Miss Charity, calling him in an audible
+whisper a 'little pet,' gave him leave to come and sit beside her. It
+is to be hoped, for the general cheerfulness of mankind, that such a
+doleful little pet was never seen as Mr Moddle looked when he complied.
+So despondent was his temper, that he showed no outward thrill of
+ecstasy when Miss Pecksniff placed her lily hand in his, and concealed
+this mark of her favour from the vulgar gaze by covering it with a
+corner of her shawl. Indeed, he was infinitely more rueful then than
+he had been before; and, sitting uncomfortably upright in his chair,
+surveyed the company with watery eyes, which seemed to say, without
+the aid of language, 'Oh, good gracious! look here! Won't some kind
+Christian help me!'
+
+But the ecstasies of Mrs Gamp were sufficient to have furnished forth
+a score of young lovers; and they were chiefly awakened by the sight of
+Tom Pinch and his sister. Mrs Gamp was a lady of that happy temperament
+which can be ecstatic without any other stimulating cause than a general
+desire to establish a large and profitable connection. She added daily
+so many strings to her bow, that she made a perfect harp of it; and upon
+that instrument she now began to perform an extemporaneous concerto.
+
+'Why, goodness me!' she said, 'Mrs Chuzzlewit! To think as I should see
+beneath this blessed 'ouse, which well I know it, Miss Pecksniff, my
+sweet young lady, to be a 'ouse as there is not a many like, worse luck,
+and wishin' it were not so, which then this tearful walley would be
+changed into a flowerin' guardian, Mr Chuffey; to think as I should see
+beneath this indiwidgle roof, identically comin', Mr Pinch (I take the
+liberty, though almost unbeknown), and do assure you of it, sir, the
+smilinest and sweetest face as ever, Mrs Chuzzlewit, I see exceptin'
+yourn, my dear good lady, and YOUR good lady's too, sir, Mr Moddle, if
+I may make so bold as speak so plain of what is plain enough to them as
+needn't look through millstones, Mrs Todgers, to find out wot is wrote
+upon the wall behind. Which no offence is meant, ladies and gentlemen;
+none bein' took, I hope. To think as I should see that smilinest and
+sweetest face which me and another friend of mine, took notice of among
+the packages down London Bridge, in this promiscous place, is a surprige
+in-deed!'
+
+Having contrived, in this happy manner, to invest every member of her
+audience with an individual share and immediate personal interest in
+her address, Mrs Gamp dropped several curtseys to Ruth, and smilingly
+shaking her head a great many times, pursued the thread of her
+discourse:
+
+'Now, ain't we rich in beauty this here joyful arternoon, I'm sure. I
+knows a lady, which her name, I'll not deceive you, Mrs Chuzzlewit, is
+Harris, her husband's brother bein' six foot three, and marked with
+a mad bull in Wellington boots upon his left arm, on account of his
+precious mother havin' been worrited by one into a shoemaker's shop,
+when in a sitiwation which blessed is the man as has his quiver full of
+sech, as many times I've said to Gamp when words has roge betwixt us on
+account of the expense--and often have I said to Mrs Harris, "Oh, Mrs
+Harris, ma'am! your countenance is quite a angel's!" Which, but
+for Pimples, it would be. "No, Sairey Gamp," says she, "you best of
+hard-working and industrious creeturs as ever was underpaid at any
+price, which underpaid you are, quite diff'rent. Harris had it done
+afore marriage at ten and six," she says, "and wore it faithful next his
+heart till the colour run, when the money was declined to be give back,
+and no arrangement could be come to. But he never said it was a angel's,
+Sairey, wotever he might have thought." If Mrs Harris's husband was
+here now,' said Mrs Gamp, looking round, and chuckling as she dropped
+a general curtsey, 'he'd speak out plain, he would, and his dear wife
+would be the last to blame him! For if ever a woman lived as know'd not
+wot it was to form a wish to pizon them as had good looks, and had no
+reagion give her by the best of husbands, Mrs Harris is that ev'nly
+dispogician!'
+
+With these words the worthy woman, who appeared to have dropped in
+to take tea as a delicate little attention, rather than to have any
+engagement on the premises in an official capacity, crossed to Mr
+Chuffey, who was seated in the same corner as of old, and shook him by
+the shoulder.
+
+'Rouge yourself, and look up! Come!' said Mrs Gamp. 'Here's company, Mr
+Chuffey.'
+
+'I am sorry for it,' cried the old man, looking humbly round the room.
+'I know I'm in the way. I ask pardon, but I've nowhere else to go to.
+Where is she?'
+
+Merry went to him.
+
+'Ah!' said the old man, patting her on the check. 'Here she is. Here she
+is! She's never hard on poor old Chuffey. Poor old Chuff!'
+
+As she took her seat upon a low chair by the old man's side, and put
+herself within the reach of his hand, she looked up once at Tom. It
+was a sad look that she cast upon him, though there was a faint smile
+trembling on her face. It was a speaking look, and Tom knew what it
+said. 'You see how misery has changed me. I can feel for a dependant
+NOW, and set some value on his attachment.'
+
+'Aye, aye!' cried Chuffey in a soothing tone. 'Aye, aye, aye! Never mind
+him. It's hard to hear, but never mind him. He'll die one day. There
+are three hundred and sixty-five days in the year--three hundred and
+sixty-six in leap year--and he may die on any one of 'em.'
+
+'You're a wearing old soul, and that's the sacred truth,' said Mrs Gamp,
+contemplating him from a little distance with anything but favour, as he
+continued to mutter to himself. 'It's a pity that you don't know wot you
+say, for you'd tire your own patience out if you did, and fret yourself
+into a happy releage for all as knows you.'
+
+'His son,' murmured the old man, lifting up his hand. 'His son!'
+
+'Well, I'm sure!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you're a-settlin' of it, Mr Chuffey.
+To your satigefaction, sir, I hope. But I wouldn't lay a new pincushion
+on it myself, sir, though you ARE so well informed. Drat the old
+creetur, he's a-layin' down the law tolerable confident, too! A deal he
+knows of sons! or darters either! Suppose you was to favour us with some
+remarks on twins, sir, WOULD you be so good!'
+
+The bitter and indignant sarcasm which Mrs Gamp conveyed into these
+taunts was altogether lost on the unconscious Chuffey, who appeared to
+be as little cognizant of their delivery as of his having given Mrs
+Gamp offence. But that high-minded woman being sensitively alive to any
+invasion of her professional province, and imagining that Mr Chuffey had
+given utterance to some prediction on the subject of sons, which ought
+to have emanated in the first instance from herself as the only lawful
+authority, or which should at least have been on no account proclaimed
+without her sanction and concurrence, was not so easily appeased. She
+continued to sidle at Mr Chuffey with looks of sharp hostility, and to
+defy him with many other ironical remarks, uttered in that low key
+which commonly denotes suppressed indignation; until the entrance of
+the teaboard, and a request from Mrs Jonas that she would make tea at a
+side-table for the party that had unexpectedly assembled, restored her
+to herself. She smiled again, and entered on her ministration with her
+own particular urbanity.
+
+'And quite a family it is to make tea for,' said Mrs Gamp; 'and wot a
+happiness to do it! My good young 'ooman'--to the servant-girl--'p'raps
+somebody would like to try a new-laid egg or two, not biled too hard.
+Likeways, a few rounds o' buttered toast, first cuttin' off the crust,
+in consequence of tender teeth, and not too many of 'em; which Gamp
+himself, Mrs Chuzzlewit, at one blow, being in liquor, struck out four,
+two single, and two double, as was took by Mrs Harris for a keepsake,
+and is carried in her pocket at this present hour, along with two
+cramp-bones, a bit o' ginger, and a grater like a blessed infant's shoe,
+in tin, with a little heel to put the nutmeg in; as many times I've seen
+and said, and used for candle when required, within the month.'
+
+As the privileges of the side-table--besides including the small
+prerogatives of sitting next the toast, and taking two cups of tea to
+other people's one, and always taking them at a crisis, that is to
+say, before putting fresh water into the tea-pot, and after it had been
+standing for some time--also comprehended a full view of the company,
+and an opportunity of addressing them as from a rostrum, Mrs Gamp
+discharged the functions entrusted to her with extreme good-humour and
+affability. Sometimes resting her saucer on the palm of her outspread
+hand, and supporting her elbow on the table, she stopped between her
+sips of tea to favour the circle with a smile, a wink, a roll of the
+head, or some other mark of notice; and at those periods her countenance
+was lighted up with a degree of intelligence and vivacity, which it was
+almost impossible to separate from the benignant influence of distilled
+waters.
+
+But for Mrs Gamp, it would have been a curiously silent party. Miss
+Pecksniff only spoke to her Augustus, and to him in whispers. Augustus
+spoke to nobody, but sighed for every one, and occasionally gave himself
+such a sounding slap upon the forehead as would make Mrs Todgers, who
+was rather nervous, start in her chair with an involuntary exclamation.
+Mrs Todgers was occupied in knitting, and seldom spoke. Poor Merry held
+the hand of cheerful little Ruth between her own, and listening with
+evident pleasure to all she said, but rarely speaking herself, sometimes
+smiled, and sometimes kissed her on the cheek, and sometimes turned
+aside to hide the tears that trembled in her eyes. Tom felt this change
+in her so much, and was so glad to see how tenderly Ruth dealt with her,
+and how she knew and answered to it, that he had not the heart to make
+any movement towards their departure, although he had long since given
+utterance to all he came to say.
+
+The old clerk, subsiding into his usual state, remained profoundly
+silent, while the rest of the little assembly were thus occupied, intent
+upon the dreams, whatever they might be, which hardly seemed to stir
+the surface of his sluggish thoughts. The bent of these dull fancies
+combining probably with the silent feasting that was going on about him,
+and some struggling recollection of the last approach to revelry he had
+witnessed, suggested a strange question to his mind. He looked round
+upon a sudden, and said:
+
+'Who's lying dead upstairs?'
+
+'No one,' said Merry, turning to him. 'What is the matter? We are all
+here.'
+
+'All here!' cried the old man. 'All here! Where is he then--my old
+master, Mr Chuzzlewit, who had the only son? Where is he?'
+
+'Hush! Hush!' said Merry, speaking kindly to him. 'That happened long
+ago. Don't you recollect?'
+
+'Recollect!' rejoined the old man, with a cry of grief. 'As if I could
+forget! As if I ever could forget!'
+
+He put his hand up to his face for a moment; and then repeated turning
+round exactly as before:
+
+'Who's lying dead upstairs?'
+
+'No one!' said Merry.
+
+At first he gazed angrily upon her, as upon a stranger who endeavoured
+to deceive him; but peering into her face, and seeing that it was indeed
+she, he shook his head in sorrowful compassion.
+
+'You think not. But they don't tell you. No, no, poor thing! They don't
+tell you. Who are these, and why are they merry-making here, if there is
+no one dead? Foul play! Go see who it is!'
+
+She made a sign to them not to speak to him, which indeed they had
+little inclination to do; and remained silent herself. So did he for
+a short time; but then he repeated the same question with an eagerness
+that had a peculiar terror in it.
+
+'There's some one dead,' he said, 'or dying; and I want to knows who it
+is. Go see, go see! Where's Jonas?'
+
+'In the country,' she replied.
+
+The old man gazed at her as if he doubted what she said, or had not
+heard her; and, rising from his chair, walked across the room and
+upstairs, whispering as he went, 'Foul play!' They heard his footsteps
+overhead, going up into that corner of the room in which the bed stood
+(it was there old Anthony had died); and then they heard him coming down
+again immediately. His fancy was not so strong or wild that it pictured
+to him anything in the deserted bedchamber which was not there; for he
+returned much calmer, and appeared to have satisfied himself.
+
+'They don't tell you,' he said to Merry in his quavering voice, as
+he sat down again, and patted her upon the head. 'They don't tell me
+either; but I'll watch, I'll watch. They shall not hurt you; don't be
+frightened. When you have sat up watching, I have sat up watching too.
+Aye, aye, I have!' he piped out, clenching his weak, shrivelled hand.
+'Many a night I have been ready!'
+
+He said this with such trembling gaps and pauses in his want of breath,
+and said it in his jealous secrecy so closely in her ear, that little
+or nothing of it was understood by the visitors. But they had heard
+and seen enough of the old man to be disquieted, and to have left
+their seats and gathered about him; thereby affording Mrs Gamp,
+whose professional coolness was not so easily disturbed, an eligible
+opportunity for concentrating the whole resources of her powerful mind
+and appetite upon the toast and butter, tea and eggs. She had brought
+them to bear upon those viands with such vigour that her face was in the
+highest state of inflammation, when she now (there being nothing left to
+eat or drink) saw fit to interpose.
+
+'Why, highty tighty, sir!' cried Mrs Gamp, 'is these your manners? You
+want a pitcher of cold water throw'd over you to bring you round; that's
+my belief, and if you was under Betsey Prig you'd have it, too, I do
+assure you, Mr Chuffey. Spanish Flies is the only thing to draw this
+nonsense out of you; and if anybody wanted to do you a kindness, they'd
+clap a blister of 'em on your head, and put a mustard poultige on your
+back. 'Who's dead, indeed! It wouldn't be no grievous loss if some one
+was, I think!'
+
+'He's quiet now, Mrs Gamp,' said Merry. 'Don't disturb him.'
+
+'Oh, bother the old wictim, Mrs Chuzzlewit,' replied that zealous lady,
+'I ain't no patience with him. You give him his own way too much by
+half. A worritin' wexagious creetur!'
+
+No doubt with the view of carrying out the precepts she enforced, and
+'bothering the old wictim' in practice as well as in theory, Mrs Gamp
+took him by the collar of his coat, and gave him some dozen or two of
+hearty shakes backward and forward in his chair; that exercise being
+considered by the disciples of the Prig school of nursing (who are very
+numerous among professional ladies) as exceedingly conducive to repose,
+and highly beneficial to the performance of the nervous functions.
+Its effect in this instance was to render the patient so giddy and
+addle-headed, that he could say nothing more; which Mrs Gamp regarded as
+the triumph of her art.
+
+'There!' she said, loosening the old man's cravat, in consequence of his
+being rather black in the face, after this scientific treatment. 'Now,
+I hope, you're easy in your mind. If you should turn at all faint we
+can soon rewive you, sir, I promige you. Bite a person's thumbs, or
+turn their fingers the wrong way,' said Mrs Gamp, smiling with the
+consciousness of at once imparting pleasure and instruction to her
+auditors, 'and they comes to, wonderful, Lord bless you!'
+
+As this excellent woman had been formerly entrusted with the care of Mr
+Chuffey on a previous occasion, neither Mrs Jonas nor anybody else had
+the resolution to interfere directly with her mode of treatment;
+though all present (Tom Pinch and his sister especially) appeared to be
+disposed to differ from her views. For such is the rash boldness of the
+uninitiated, that they will frequently set up some monstrous abstract
+principle, such as humanity, or tenderness, or the like idle folly, in
+obstinate defiance of all precedent and usage; and will even venture to
+maintain the same against the persons who have made the precedents
+and established the usage, and who must therefore be the best and most
+impartial judges of the subject.
+
+'Ah, Mr Pinch!' said Miss Pecksniff. 'It all comes of this unfortunate
+marriage. If my sister had not been so precipitate, and had not united
+herself to a Wretch, there would have been no Mr Chuffey in the house.'
+
+'Hush!' cried Tom. 'She'll hear you.'
+
+'I should be very sorry if she did hear me, Mr Pinch,' said Cherry,
+raising her voice a little; 'for it is not in my nature to add to the
+uneasiness of any person; far less of my own sister. I know what a
+sister's duties are, Mr Pinch, and I hope I always showed it in my
+practice. Augustus, my dear child, find my pocket-handkerchief, and give
+it to me.'
+
+Augustus obeyed, and took Mrs Todgers aside to pour his griefs into her
+friendly bosom.
+
+'I am sure, Mr Pinch,' said Charity, looking after her betrothed and
+glancing at her sister, 'that I ought to be very grateful for the
+blessings I enjoy, and those which are yet in store for me. When I
+contrast Augustus'--here she was modest and embarrased--'who, I don't
+mind saying to you, is all softness, mildness, and devotion, with the
+detestable man who is my sister's husband; and when I think, Mr Pinch,
+that in the dispensations of this world, our cases might have been
+reversed; I have much to be thankful for, indeed, and much to make me
+humble and contented.'
+
+Contented she might have been, but humble she assuredly was not. Her
+face and manner experienced something so widely different from humility,
+that Tom could not help understanding and despising the base motives
+that were working in her breast. He turned away, and said to Ruth, that
+it was time for them to go.
+
+'I will write to your husband,' said Tom to Merry, 'and explain to him,
+as I would have done if I had met him here, that if he has sustained any
+inconvenience through my means, it is not my fault; a postman not being
+more innocent of the news he brings, than I was when I handed him that
+letter.'
+
+'I thank you!' said Merry. 'It may do some good.'
+
+She parted tenderly from Ruth, who with her brother was in the act of
+leaving the room, when a key was heard in the lock of the door below,
+and immediately afterwards a quick footstep in the passage. Tom stopped,
+and looked at Merry.
+
+It was Jonas, she said timidly.
+
+'I had better not meet him on the stairs, perhaps,' said Tom, drawing
+his sister's arm through his, and coming back a step or two. 'I'll wait
+for him here, a moment.'
+
+He had scarcely said it when the door opened, and Jonas entered. His
+wife came forward to receive him; but he put her aside with his hand,
+and said in a surly tone:
+
+'I didn't know you'd got a party.'
+
+As he looked, at the same time, either by accident or design, towards
+Miss Pecksniff; and as Miss Pecksniff was only too delighted to quarrel
+with him, she instantly resented it.
+
+'Oh dear!' she said, rising. 'Pray don't let us intrude upon your
+domestic happiness! That would be a pity. We have taken tea here, sir,
+in your absence; but if you will have the goodness to send us a note of
+the expense, receipted, we shall be happy to pay it. Augustus, my love,
+we will go, if you please. Mrs Todgers, unless you wish to remain here,
+we shall be happy to take you with us. It would be a pity, indeed, to
+spoil the bliss which this gentleman always brings with him, especially
+into his own home.'
+
+'Charity! Charity!' remonstrated her sister, in such a heartfelt tone
+that she might have been imploring her to show the cardinal virtue whose
+name she bore.
+
+'Merry, my dear, I am much obliged to you for your advice,' returned
+Miss Pecksniff, with a stately scorn--by the way, she had not been
+offered any--'but I am not his slave--'
+
+'No, nor wouldn't have been if you could,' interrupted Jonas. 'We know
+all about it.'
+
+'WHAT did you say, sir?' cried Miss Pecksniff, sharply.
+
+'Didn't you hear?' retorted Jonas, lounging down upon a chair. 'I am not
+a-going to say it again. If you like to stay, you may stay. If you like
+to go, you may go. But if you stay, please to be civil.'
+
+'Beast!' cried Miss Pecksniff, sweeping past him. 'Augustus! He is
+beneath your notice!' Augustus had been making some faint and sickly
+demonstration of shaking his fist. 'Come away, child,' screamed Miss
+Pecksniff, 'I command you!'
+
+The scream was elicited from her by Augustus manifesting an intention to
+return and grapple with him. But Miss Pecksniff giving the fiery youth
+a pull, and Mrs Todgers giving him a push they all three tumbled out
+of the room together, to the music of Miss Pecksniff's shrill
+remonstrances.
+
+All this time Jonas had seen nothing of Tom and his sister; for they
+were almost behind the door when he opened it, and he had sat down with
+his back towards them, and had purposely kept his eyes upon the opposite
+side of the street during his altercation with Miss Pecksniff, in order
+that his seeming carelessness might increase the exasperation of that
+wronged young damsel. His wife now faltered out that Tom had been
+waiting to see him; and Tom advanced.
+
+The instant he presented himself, Jonas got up from his chair, and
+swearing a great oath, caught it in his grasp, as if he would have
+felled Tom to the ground with it. As he most unquestionably would have
+done, but that his very passion and surprise made him irresolute, and
+gave Tom, in his calmness, an opportunity of being heard.
+
+'You have no cause to be violent, sir,' said Tom. 'Though what I wish to
+say relates to your own affairs, I know nothing of them, and desire to
+know nothing of them.'
+
+Jonas was too enraged to speak. He held the door open; and stamping his
+foot upon the ground, motioned Tom away.
+
+'As you cannot suppose,' said Tom, 'that I am here with any view of
+conciliating you or pleasing myself, I am quite indifferent to your
+reception of me, or your dismissal of me. Hear what I have to say, if
+you are not a madman! I gave you a letter the other day, when you were
+about to go abroad.'
+
+'You Thief, you did!' retorted Jonas. 'I'll pay you for the carriage of
+it one day, and settle an old score besides. I will!'
+
+'Tut, tut,' said Tom, 'you needn't waste words or threats. I wish you
+to understand--plainly because I would rather keep clear of you and
+everything that concerns you: not because I have the least apprehension
+of your doing me any injury: which would be weak indeed--that I am no
+party to the contents of that letter. That I know nothing of it. That I
+was not even aware that it was to be delivered to you; and that I had it
+from--'
+
+'By the Lord!' cried Jonas, fiercely catching up the chair, 'I'll knock
+your brains out, if you speak another word.'
+
+Tom, nevertheless, persisting in his intention, and opening his lips to
+speak again, Jonas set upon him like a savage; and in the quickness and
+ferocity of his attack would have surely done him some grievous injury,
+defenceless as he was, and embarrassed by having his frightened sister
+clinging to his arm, if Merry had not run between them, crying to
+Tom for the love of Heaven to leave the house. The agony of this poor
+creature, the terror of his sister, the impossibility of making himself
+audible, and the equal impossibility of bearing up against Mrs Gamp, who
+threw herself upon him like a feather-bed, and forced him backwards down
+the stairs by the mere oppression of her dead weight, prevailed. Tom
+shook the dust of that house off his feet, without having mentioned
+Nadgett's name.
+
+If the name could have passed his lips; if Jonas, in the insolence of
+his vile nature, had never roused him to do that old act of manliness,
+for which (and not for his last offence) he hated him with such
+malignity; if Jonas could have learned, as then he could and would have
+learned, through Tom's means, what unsuspected spy there was upon him;
+he would have been saved from the commission of a Guilty Deed, then
+drawing on towards its black accomplishment. But the fatality was of
+his own working; the pit was of his own digging; the gloom that gathered
+round him was the shadow of his own life.
+
+His wife had closed the door, and thrown herself before it, on the
+ground, upon her knees. She held up her hands to him now, and besought
+him not to be harsh with her, for she had interposed in fear of
+bloodshed.
+
+'So, so!' said Jonas, looking down upon her, as he fetched his breath.
+'These are your friends, are they, when I am away? You plot and tamper
+with this sort of people, do you?'
+
+'No, indeed! I have no knowledge of these secrets, and no clue to
+their meaning. I have never seen him since I left home but once--but
+twice--before to-day.'
+
+'Oh!' sneered Jonas, catching at this correction. 'But once, but twice,
+eh? Which do you mean? Twice and once, perhaps. Three times! How many
+more, you lying jade?'
+
+As he made an angry motion with his hand, she shrunk down hastily. A
+suggestive action! Full of a cruel truth!
+
+'How many more times?' he repeated.
+
+'No more. The other morning, and to-day, and once besides.'
+
+He was about to retort upon her, when the clock struck. He started
+stopped, and listened; appearing to revert to some engagement, or to
+some other subject, a secret within his own breast, recalled to him by
+this record of the progress of the hours.
+
+'Don't lie there! Get up!'
+
+Having helped her to rise, or rather hauled her up by the arm, he went
+on to say:
+
+'Listen to me, young lady; and don't whine when you have no occasion, or
+I may make some for you. If I find him in my house again, or find that
+you have seen him in anybody else's house, you'll repent it. If you are
+not deaf and dumb to everything that concerns me, unless you have my
+leave to hear and speak, you'll repent it. If you don't obey exactly
+what I order, you'll repent it. Now, attend. What's the time?'
+
+'It struck eight a minute ago.'
+
+He looked towards her intently; and said, with a laboured distinctness,
+as if he had got the words off by heart:
+
+'I have been travelling day and night, and am tired. I have lost some
+money, and that don't improve me. Put my supper in the little off-room
+below, and have the truckle-bed made. I shall sleep there to-night, and
+maybe to-morrow night; and if I can sleep all day to-morrow, so much
+the better, for I've got trouble to sleep off, if I can. Keep the house
+quiet, and don't call me. Mind! Don't call me. Don't let anybody call
+me. Let me lie there.'
+
+She said it should be done. Was that all?
+
+'All what? You must be prying and questioning!' he angrily retorted.
+'What more do you want to know?'
+
+'I want to know nothing, Jonas, but what you tell me. All hope of
+confidence between us has long deserted me!'
+
+'Ecod, I should hope so!' he muttered.
+
+'But if you will tell me what you wish, I will be obedient and will
+try to please you. I make no merit of that, for I have no friend in
+my father or my sister, but am quite alone. I am very humble and
+submissive. You told me you would break my spirit, and you have done so.
+Do not break my heart too!'
+
+She ventured, as she said these words, to lay her hand upon his
+shoulder. He suffered it to rest there, in his exultation; and the whole
+mean, abject, sordid, pitiful soul of the man, looked at her, for the
+moment, through his wicked eyes.
+
+For the moment only; for, with the same hurried return to something
+within himself, he bade her, in a surly tone, show her obedience by
+executing his commands without delay. When she had withdrawn he paced
+up and down the room several times; but always with his right hand
+clenched, as if it held something; which it did not, being empty. When
+he was tired of this, he threw himself into a chair, and thoughtfully
+turned up the sleeve of his right arm, as if he were rather musing
+about its strength than examining it; but, even then, he kept the hand
+clenched.
+
+He was brooding in this chair, with his eyes cast down upon the ground,
+when Mrs Gamp came in to tell him that the little room was ready. Not
+being quite sure of her reception after interfering in the quarrel, Mrs
+Gamp, as a means of interesting and propitiating her patron, affected a
+deep solicitude in Mr Chuffey.
+
+'How is he now, sir?' she said.
+
+'Who?' cried Jonas, raising his head, and staring at her.
+
+'To be sure!' returned the matron with a smile and a curtsey. 'What am I
+thinking of! You wasn't here, sir, when he was took so strange. I never
+see a poor dear creetur took so strange in all my life, except a patient
+much about the same age, as I once nussed, which his calling was the
+custom-'us, and his name was Mrs Harris's own father, as pleasant a
+singer, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever you heerd, with a voice like a Jew's-harp
+in the bass notes, that it took six men to hold at sech times, foaming
+frightful.'
+
+'Chuffey, eh?' said Jonas carelessly, seeing that she went up to the
+old, clerk, and looked at him. 'Ha!'
+
+'The creetur's head's so hot,' said Mrs Gamp, 'that you might heat a
+flat-iron at it. And no wonder I am sure, considerin' the things he
+said!'
+
+'Said!' cried Jonas. 'What did he say?'
+
+Mrs Gamp laid her hand upon her heart, to put some check upon its
+palpitations, and turning up her eyes replied in a faint voice:
+
+'The awfulest things, Mr Chuzzlewit, as ever I heerd! Which Mrs Harris's
+father never spoke a word when took so, some does and some don't, except
+sayin' when he come round, "Where is Sairey Gamp?" But raly, sir, when
+Mr Chuffey comes to ask who's lyin' dead upstairs, and--'
+
+'Who's lying dead upstairs!' repeated Jonas, standing aghast.
+
+Mrs Gamp nodded, made as if she were swallowing, and went on.
+
+'Who's lying dead upstairs; sech was his Bible language; and where was
+Mr Chuzzlewit as had the only son; and when he goes upstairs a-looking
+in the beds and wandering about the rooms, and comes down again
+a-whisperin' softly to his-self about foul play and that; it gives me
+sech a turn, I don't deny it, Mr Chuzzlewit, that I never could have kep
+myself up but for a little drain o' spirits, which I seldom touches, but
+could always wish to know where to find, if so dispoged, never knowin'
+wot may happen next, the world bein' so uncertain.'
+
+'Why, the old fool's mad!' cried Jonas, much disturbed.
+
+'That's my opinion, sir,' said Mrs Gamp, 'and I will not deceive you. I
+believe as Mr Chuffey, sir, rekwires attention (if I may make so bold),
+and should not have his liberty to wex and worrit your sweet lady as he
+does.'
+
+'Why, who minds what he says?' retorted Jonas.
+
+'Still he is worritin' sir,' said Mrs Gamp. 'No one don't mind him, but
+he IS a ill conwenience.'
+
+'Ecod you're right,' said Jonas, looking doubtfully at the subject of
+this conversation. 'I have half a mind to shut him up.'
+
+Mrs Gamp rubbed her hands, and smiled, and shook her head, and sniffed
+expressively, as scenting a job.
+
+'Could you--could you take care of such an idiot, now, in some spare
+room upstairs?' asked Jonas.
+
+'Me and a friend of mine, one off, one on, could do it, Mr Chuzzlewit,'
+replied the nurse; 'our charges not bein' high, but wishin' they was
+lower, and allowance made considerin' not strangers. Me and Betsey Prig,
+sir, would undertake Mr Chuffey reasonable,' said Mrs Gamp, looking at
+him with her head on one side, as if he had been a piece of goods, for
+which she was driving a bargain; 'and give every satigefaction. Betsey
+Prig has nussed a many lunacies, and well she knows their ways,
+which puttin' 'em right close afore the fire, when fractious, is the
+certainest and most compoging.'
+
+While Mrs Gamp discoursed to this effect, Jonas was walking up and down
+the room again, glancing covertly at the old clerk, as he did so. He now
+made a stop, and said:
+
+'I must look after him, I suppose, or I may have him doing some
+mischief. What say you?'
+
+'Nothin' more likely!' Mrs Gamp replied. 'As well I have experienged, I
+do assure you, sir.'
+
+'Well! Look after him for the present, and--let me see--three days from
+this time let the other woman come here, and we'll see if we can make
+a bargain of it. About nine or ten o'clock at night, say. Keep your eye
+upon him in the meanwhile, and don't talk about it. He's as mad as a
+March hare!'
+
+'Madder!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'A deal madder!'
+
+'See to him, then; take care that he does no harm; and recollect what I
+have told you.'
+
+Leaving Mrs Gamp in the act of repeating all she had been told, and
+of producing in support of her memory and trustworthiness, many
+commendations selected from among the most remarkable opinions of the
+celebrated Mrs Harris, he descended to the little room prepared for him,
+and pulling off his coat and his boots, put them outside the door before
+he locked it. In locking it, he was careful so to adjust the key as to
+baffle any curious person who might try to peep in through the key-hole;
+and when he had taken these precautions, he sat down to his supper.
+
+'Mr Chuff,' he muttered, 'it'll be pretty easy to be even with YOU. It's
+of no use doing things by halves, and as long as I stop here, I'll take
+good care of you. When I'm off you may say what you please. But it's
+a d--d strange thing,' he added, pushing away his untouched plate, and
+striding moodily to and fro, 'that his drivellings should have taken
+this turn just now.'
+
+After pacing the little room from end to end several times, he sat down
+in another chair.
+
+'I say just now, but for anything I know, he may have been carrying on
+the same game all along. Old dog! He shall be gagged!'
+
+He paced the room again in the same restless and unsteady way; and then
+sat down upon the bedstead, leaning his chin upon his hand, and looking
+at the table. When he had looked at it for a long time, he remembered
+his supper; and resuming the chair he had first occupied, began to eat
+with great rapacity; not like a hungry man, but as if he were determined
+to do it. He drank too, roundly; sometimes stopping in the middle of a
+draught to walk, and change his seat and walk again, and dart back to
+the table and fall to, in a ravenous hurry, as before.
+
+It was now growing dark. As the gloom of evening, deepening into
+night, came on, another dark shade emerging from within him seemed to
+overspread his face, and slowly change it. Slowly, slowly; darker and
+darker; more and more haggard; creeping over him by little and little,
+until it was black night within him and without.
+
+The room in which he had shut himself up, was on the ground floor, at
+the back of the house. It was lighted by a dirty skylight, and had a
+door in the wall, opening into a narrow covered passage or blind-alley,
+very little frequented after five or six o'clock in the evening, and
+not in much use as a thoroughfare at any hour. But it had an outlet in a
+neighbouring street.
+
+The ground on which this chamber stood had, at one time, not within his
+recollection, been a yard; and had been converted to its present purpose
+for use as an office. But the occasion for it died with the man who
+built it; and saving that it had sometimes served as an apology for a
+spare bedroom, and that the old clerk had once held it (but that was
+years ago) as his recognized apartment, it had been little troubled by
+Anthony Chuzzlewit and Son. It was a blotched, stained, mouldering room,
+like a vault; and there were water-pipes running through it, which at
+unexpected times in the night, when other things were quiet, clicked and
+gurgled suddenly, as if they were choking.
+
+The door into the court had not been open for a long, long time; but the
+key had always hung in one place, and there it hung now. He was prepared
+for its being rusty; for he had a little bottle of oil in his pocket and
+the feather of a pen, with which he lubricated the key and the lock too,
+carefully. All this while he had been without his coat, and had nothing
+on his feet but his stockings. He now got softly into bed in the same
+state, and tossed from side to side to tumble it. In his restless
+condition that was easily done.
+
+When he arose, he took from his portmanteau, which he had caused to be
+carried into that place when he came home, a pair of clumsy shoes,
+and put them on his feet; also a pair of leather leggings, such
+as countrymen are used to wear, with straps to fasten them to the
+waistband. In these he dressed himself at leisure. Lastly, he took out
+a common frock of coarse dark jean, which he drew over his own
+under-clothing; and a felt hat--he had purposely left his own upstairs.
+He then sat himself down by the door, with the key in his hand, waiting.
+
+He had no light; the time was dreary, long, and awful. The ringers were
+practicing in a neighbouring church, and the clashing of the bells was
+almost maddening. Curse the clamouring bells, they seemed to know that
+he was listening at the door, and to proclaim it in a crowd of voices to
+all the town! Would they never be still?
+
+They ceased at last, and then the silence was so new and terrible that
+it seemed the prelude to some dreadful noise. Footsteps in the court!
+Two men. He fell back from the door on tiptoe, as if they could have
+seen him through its wooden panels.
+
+They passed on, talking (he could make out) about a skeleton which had
+been dug up yesterday, in some work of excavation near at hand, and was
+supposed to be that of a murdered man. 'So murder is not always found
+out, you see,' they said to one another as they turned the corner.
+
+Hush!
+
+He put the key into the lock, and turned it. The door resisted for a
+while, but soon came stiffly open; mingling with the sense of fever in
+his mouth, a taste of rust, and dust, and earth, and rotting wood. He
+looked out; passed out; locked it after him.
+
+All was clear and quiet, as he fled away.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
+
+CONCLUSION OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND
+
+
+Did no men passing through the dim streets shrink without knowing why,
+when he came stealing up behind them? As he glided on, had no child in
+its sleep an indistinct perception of a guilty shadow falling on its
+bed, that troubled its innocent rest? Did no dog howl, and strive to
+break its rattling chain, that it might tear him; no burrowing rat,
+scenting the work he had in hand, essay to gnaw a passage after him,
+that it might hold a greedy revel at the feast of his providing? When he
+looked back, across his shoulder, was it to see if his quick footsteps
+still fell dry upon the dusty pavement, or were already moist and
+clogged with the red mire that stained the naked feet of Cain!
+
+He shaped his course for the main western road, and soon reached it;
+riding a part of the way, then alighting and walking on again. He
+travelled for a considerable distance upon the roof of a stage-coach,
+which came up while he was afoot; and when it turned out of his road,
+bribed the driver of a return post-chaise to take him on with him; and
+then made across the country at a run, and saved a mile or two before he
+struck again into the road. At last, as his plan was, he came up with a
+certain lumbering, slow, night-coach, which stopped wherever it could,
+and was stopping then at a public-house, while the guard and coachman
+ate and drank within.
+
+He bargained for a seat outside this coach, and took it. And he quitted
+it no more until it was within a few miles of its destination, but
+occupied the same place all night.
+
+All night! It is a common fancy that nature seems to sleep by night. It
+is a false fancy, as who should know better than he?
+
+The fishes slumbered in the cold, bright, glistening streams and rivers,
+perhaps; and the birds roosted on the branches of the trees; and in
+their stalls and pastures beasts were quiet; and human creatures slept.
+But what of that, when the solemn night was watching, when it never
+winked, when its darkness watched no less than its light! The stately
+trees, the moon and shining stars, the softly stirring wind, the
+over-shadowed lane, the broad, bright countryside, they all kept watch.
+There was not a blade of growing grass or corn, but watched; and the
+quieter it was, the more intent and fixed its watch upon him seemed to
+be.
+
+And yet he slept. Riding on among those sentinels of God, he slept,
+and did not change the purpose of his journey. If he forgot it in his
+troubled dreams, it came up steadily, and woke him. But it never woke
+him to remorse, or to abandonment of his design.
+
+He dreamed at one time that he was lying calmly in his bed, thinking of
+a moonlight night and the noise of wheels, when the old clerk put
+his head in at the door, and beckoned him. At this signal he arose
+immediately--being already dressed in the clothes he actually wore at
+that time--and accompanied him into a strange city, where the names of
+the streets were written on the walls in characters quite new to him;
+which gave him no surprise or uneasiness, for he remembered in his dream
+to have been there before. Although these streets were very precipitous,
+insomuch that to get from one to another it was necessary to descend
+great heights by ladders that were too short, and ropes that moved deep
+bells, and swung and swayed as they were clung to, the danger gave him
+little emotion beyond the first thrill of terror; his anxieties being
+concentrated on his dress which was quite unfitted for some festival
+that was about to be holden there, and in which he had come to take
+a part. Already, great crowds began to fill the streets, and in
+one direction myriads of people came rushing down an interminable
+perspective, strewing flowers and making way for others on white horses,
+when a terrible figure started from the throng, and cried out that it
+was the Last Day for all the world. The cry being spread, there was a
+wild hurrying on to Judgment; and the press became so great that he and
+his companion (who was constantly changing, and was never the same man
+two minutes together, though he never saw one man come or another go),
+stood aside in a porch, fearfully surveying the multitude; in which
+there were many faces that he knew, and many that he did not know, but
+dreamed he did; when all at once a struggling head rose up among the
+rest--livid and deadly, but the same as he had known it--and denounced
+him as having appointed that direful day to happen. They closed
+together. As he strove to free the hand in which he held a club, and
+strike the blow he had so often thought of, he started to the knowledge
+of his waking purpose and the rising of the sun.
+
+The sun was welcome to him. There were life and motion, and a world
+astir, to divide the attention of Day. It was the eye of Night--of
+wakeful, watchful, silent, and attentive Night, with so much leisure for
+the observation of his wicked thoughts--that he dreaded most. There is
+no glare in the night. Even Glory shows to small advantage in the night,
+upon a crowded battle-field. How then shows Glory's blood-relation,
+bastard Murder!
+
+Aye! He made no compromise, and held no secret with himself now. Murder.
+He had come to do it.
+
+'Let me get down here' he said
+
+'Short of the town, eh!' observed the coachman.
+
+'I may get down where I please, I suppose?'
+
+'You got up to please yourself, and may get down to please yourself. It
+won't break our hearts to lose you, and it wouldn't have broken 'em if
+we'd never found you. Be a little quicker. That's all.'
+
+The guard had alighted, and was waiting in the road to take his money.
+In the jealousy and distrust of what he contemplated, he thought this
+man looked at him with more than common curiosity.
+
+'What are you staring at?' said Jonas.
+
+'Not at a handsome man,' returned the guard. 'If you want your fortune
+told, I'll tell you a bit of it. You won't be drowned. That's a
+consolation for you.'
+
+Before he could retort or turn away, the coachman put an end to the
+dialogue by giving him a cut with his whip, and bidding him get out for a
+surly dog. The guard jumped up to his seat at the same moment, and they
+drove off, laughing; leaving him to stand in the road and shake his fist
+at them. He was not displeased though, on second thoughts, to have
+been taken for an ill-conditioned common country fellow; but rather
+congratulated himself upon it as a proof that he was well disguised.
+
+Wandering into a copse by the road-side--but not in that place; two or
+three miles off--he tore out from a fence a thick, hard, knotted stake;
+and, sitting down beneath a hayrick, spent some time in shaping it, in
+peeling off the bark, and fashioning its jagged head with his knife.
+
+The day passed on. Noon, afternoon, evening. Sunset.
+
+At that serene and peaceful time two men, riding in a gig, came out
+of the city by a road not much frequented. It was the day on which Mr
+Pecksniff had agreed to dine with Montague. He had kept his appointment,
+and was now going home. His host was riding with him for a short
+distance; meaning to return by a pleasant track, which Mr Pecksniff had
+engaged to show him, through some fields. Jonas knew their plans. He had
+hung about the inn-yard while they were at dinner and had heard their
+orders given.
+
+They were loud and merry in their conversation, and might have been
+heard at some distance; far above the sound of their carriage wheels
+or horses' hoofs. They came on noisily, to where a stile and footpath
+indicated their point of separation. Here they stopped.
+
+'It's too soon. Much too soon,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'But this is the
+place, my dear sir. Keep the path, and go straight through the little
+wood you'll come to. The path is narrower there, but you can't miss it.
+When shall I see you again? Soon I hope?'
+
+'I hope so,' replied Montague.
+
+'Good night!'
+
+'Good night. And a pleasant ride!'
+
+So long as Mr Pecksniff was in sight, and turned his head at intervals
+to salute him, Montague stood in the road smiling, and waving his hand.
+But when his new partner had disappeared, and this show was no longer
+necessary, he sat down on the stile with looks so altered, that he might
+have grown ten years older in the meantime.
+
+He was flushed with wine, but not gay. His scheme had succeeded, but he
+showed no triumph. The effort of sustaining his difficult part before
+his late companion had fatigued him, perhaps, or it may be that the
+evening whispered to his conscience, or it may be (as it HAS been) that
+a shadowy veil was dropping round him, closing out all thoughts but the
+presentiment and vague foreknowledge of impending doom.
+
+If there be fluids, as we know there are, which, conscious of a coming
+wind, or rain, or frost, will shrink and strive to hide themselves in
+their glass arteries; may not that subtle liquor of the blood perceive,
+by properties within itself, that hands are raised to waste and spill
+it; and in the veins of men run cold and dull as his did, in that hour!
+
+So cold, although the air was warm; so dull, although the sky was
+bright; that he rose up shivering from his seat, and hastily resumed
+his walk. He checked himself as hastily; undecided whether to pursue the
+footpath, which was lonely and retired, or to go back by the road.
+
+He took the footpath.
+
+The glory of the departing sun was on his face. The music of the birds
+was in his ears. Sweet wild flowers bloomed about him. Thatched roofs of
+poor men's homes were in the distance; and an old grey spire, surmounted
+by a Cross, rose up between him and the coming night.
+
+He had never read the lesson which these things conveyed; he had ever
+mocked and turned away from it; but, before going down into a hollow
+place, he looked round, once, upon the evening prospect, sorrowfully.
+Then he went down, down, down, into the dell.
+
+It brought him to the wood; a close, thick, shadowy wood, through which
+the path went winding on, dwindling away into a slender sheep-track. He
+paused before entering; for the stillness of this spot almost daunted
+him.
+
+The last rays of the sun were shining in, aslant, making a path of
+golden light along the stems and branches in its range, which, even as
+he looked, began to die away, yielding gently to the twilight that came
+creeping on. It was so very quiet that the soft and stealthy moss about
+the trunks of some old trees, seemed to have grown out of the silence,
+and to be its proper offspring. Those other trees which were subdued
+by blasts of wind in winter time, had not quite tumbled down, but being
+caught by others, lay all bare and scathed across their leafy arms, as
+if unwilling to disturb the general repose by the crash of their fall.
+Vistas of silence opened everywhere, into the heart and innermost
+recesses of the wood; beginning with the likeness of an aisle, a
+cloister, or a ruin open to the sky; then tangling off into a deep green
+rustling mystery, through which gnarled trunks, and twisted boughs, and
+ivy-covered stems, and trembling leaves, and bark-stripped bodies of old
+trees stretched out at length, were faintly seen in beautiful confusion.
+
+As the sunlight died away, and evening fell upon the wood, he entered
+it. Moving, here and there a bramble or a drooping bough which stretched
+across his path, he slowly disappeared. At intervals a narrow opening
+showed him passing on, or the sharp cracking of some tender branch
+denoted where he went; then, he was seen or heard no more.
+
+Never more beheld by mortal eye or heard by mortal ear; one man
+excepted. That man, parting the leaves and branches on the other side,
+near where the path emerged again, came leaping out soon afterwards.
+
+What had he left within the wood, that he sprang out of it as if it were
+a hell!
+
+The body of a murdered man. In one thick solitary spot, it lay among
+the last year's leaves of oak and beech, just as it had fallen headlong
+down. Sopping and soaking in among the leaves that formed its pillow;
+oozing down into the boggy ground, as if to cover itself from human
+sight; forcing its way between and through the curling leaves, as if
+those senseless things rejected and forswore it and were coiled up in
+abhorrence; went a dark, dark stain that dyed the whole summer night
+from earth to heaven.
+
+The doer of this deed came leaping from the wood so fiercely, that he
+cast into the air a shower of fragments of young boughs, torn away
+in his passage, and fell with violence upon the grass. But he quickly
+gained his feet again, and keeping underneath a hedge with his body
+bent, went running on towards the road. The road once reached, he fell
+into a rapid walk, and set on toward London.
+
+And he was not sorry for what he had done. He was frightened when he
+thought of it--when did he not think of it!--but he was not sorry. He
+had had a terror and dread of the wood when he was in it; but being
+out of it, and having committed the crime, his fears were now diverted,
+strangely, to the dark room he had left shut up at home. He had a
+greater horror, infinitely greater, of that room than of the wood. Now
+that he was on his return to it, it seemed beyond comparison more dismal
+and more dreadful than the wood. His hideous secret was shut up in the
+room, and all its terrors were there; to his thinking it was not in the
+wood at all.
+
+He walked on for ten miles; and then stopped at an ale-house for a
+coach, which he knew would pass through, on its way to London, before
+long; and which he also knew was not the coach he had travelled down by,
+for it came from another place. He sat down outside the door here, on
+a bench, beside a man who was smoking his pipe. Having called for some
+beer, and drunk, he offered it to this companion, who thanked him, and
+took a draught. He could not help thinking that, if the man had known
+all, he might scarcely have relished drinking out of the same cup with
+him.
+
+'A fine night, master!' said this person. 'And a rare sunset.'
+
+'I didn't see it,' was his hasty answer.
+
+'Didn't see it?' returned the man.
+
+'How the devil could I see it, if I was asleep?'
+
+'Asleep! Aye, aye.' The man appeared surprised by his unexpected
+irritability, and saying no more, smoked his pipe in silence. They had
+not sat very long, when there was a knocking within.
+
+'What's that?' cried Jonas.
+
+'Can't say, I'm sure,' replied the man.
+
+He made no further inquiry, for the last question had escaped him in
+spite of himself. But he was thinking, at the moment, of the closed-up
+room; of the possibility of their knocking at the door on some special
+occasion; of their being alarmed at receiving no answer; of their
+bursting it open; of their finding the room empty; of their fastening
+the door into the court, and rendering it impossible for him to get into
+the house without showing himself in the garb he wore, which would lead
+to rumour, rumour to detection, detection to death. At that instant, as
+if by some design and order of circumstances, the knocking had come.
+
+It still continued; like a warning echo of the dread reality he had
+conjured up. As he could not sit and hear it, he paid for his beer and
+walked on again. And having slunk about, in places unknown to him all
+day; and being out at night, in a lonely road, in an unusual dress and
+in that wandering and unsettled frame of mind; he stopped more than once
+to look about him, hoping he might be in a dream.
+
+Still he was not sorry. No. He had hated the man too much, and had been
+bent, too desperately and too long, on setting himself free. If the
+thing could have come over again, he would have done it again. His
+malignant and revengeful passions were not so easily laid. There was no
+more penitence or remorse within him now than there had been while the
+deed was brewing.
+
+Dread and fear were upon him, to an extent he had never counted on, and
+could not manage in the least degree. He was so horribly afraid of that
+infernal room at home. This made him, in a gloomy murderous, mad way,
+not only fearful FOR himself, but OF himself; for being, as it were, a
+part of the room: a something supposed to be there, yet missing from it:
+he invested himself with its mysterious terrors; and when he pictured in
+his mind the ugly chamber, false and quiet, false and quiet, through the
+dark hours of two nights; and the tumbled bed, and he not in it, though
+believed to be; he became in a manner his own ghost and phantom, and was
+at once the haunting spirit and the haunted man.
+
+When the coach came up, which it soon did, he got a place outside and
+was carried briskly onward towards home. Now, in taking his seat among
+the people behind, who were chiefly country people, he conceived a fear
+that they knew of the murder, and would tell him that the body had been
+found; which, considering the time and place of the commission of the
+crime, were events almost impossible to have happened yet, as he very
+well knew. But although he did know it, and had therefore no reason
+to regard their ignorance as anything but the natural sequence to
+the facts, still this very ignorance of theirs encouraged him. So far
+encouraged him, that he began to believe the body never would be found,
+and began to speculate on that probability. Setting off from this point,
+and measuring time by the rapid hurry of his guilty thoughts, and
+what had gone before the bloodshed, and the troops of incoherent and
+disordered images of which he was the constant prey; he came by
+daylight to regard the murder as an old murder, and to think himself
+comparatively safe because it had not been discovered yet. Yet! When the
+sun which looked into the wood, and gilded with its rising light a dead
+man's lace, had seen that man alive, and sought to win him to a thought
+of Heaven, on its going down last night!
+
+But here were London streets again. Hush!
+
+It was but five o'clock. He had time enough to reach his own house
+unobserved, and before there were many people in the streets, if nothing
+had happened so far, tending to his discovery. He slipped down from
+the coach without troubling the driver to stop his horses; and hurrying
+across the road, and in and out of every by-way that lay near his
+course, at length approached his own dwelling. He used additional
+caution in his immediate neighbourhood; halting first to look all
+down the street before him; then gliding swiftly through that one, and
+stopping to survey the next, and so on.
+
+The passage-way was empty when his murderer's face looked into it. He
+stole on, to the door on tiptoe, as if he dreaded to disturb his own
+imaginary rest.
+
+He listened. Not a sound. As he turned the key with a trembling hand,
+and pushed the door softly open with his knee, a monstrous fear beset
+his mind.
+
+What if the murdered man were there before him!
+
+He cast a fearful glance all round. But there was nothing there.
+
+He went in, locked the door, drew the key through and through the dust
+and damp in the fire-place to sully it again, and hung it up as of old.
+He took off his disguise, tied it up in a bundle ready for carrying away
+and sinking in the river before night, and locked it up in a cupboard.
+These precautions taken, he undressed and went to bed.
+
+The raging thirst, the fire that burnt within him as he lay beneath the
+clothes, the augmented horror of the room when they shut it out from his
+view; the agony of listening, in which he paid enforced regard to every
+sound, and thought the most unlikely one the prelude to that knocking
+which should bring the news; the starts with which he left his couch,
+and looking in the glass, imagined that his deed was broadly written
+in his face, and lying down and burying himself once more beneath the
+blankets, heard his own heart beating Murder, Murder, Murder, in the
+bed; what words can paint tremendous truths like these!
+
+The morning advanced. There were footsteps in the house. He heard the
+blinds drawn up, and shutters opened; and now and then a stealthy tread
+outside his own door. He tried to call out, more than once, but his
+mouth was dry as if it had been filled with sand. At last he sat up in
+his bed, and cried:
+
+'Who's there?'
+
+It was his wife.
+
+He asked her what it was o'clock? Nine.
+
+'Did--did no one knock at my door yesterday?' he faltered. 'Something
+disturbed me; but unless you had knocked the door down, you would have
+got no notice from me.'
+
+'No one,' she replied. That was well. He had waited, almost breathless,
+for her answer. It was a relief to him, if anything could be.
+
+'Mr Nadgett wanted to see you,' she said, 'but I told him you were
+tired, and had requested not to be disturbed. He said it was of little
+consequence, and went away. As I was opening my window to let in the
+cool air, I saw him passing through the street this morning, very early;
+but he hasn't been again.'
+
+Passing through the street that morning? Very early! Jonas trembled at
+the thought of having had a narrow chance of seeing him himself; even
+him, who had no object but to avoid people, and sneak on unobserved, and
+keep his own secrets; and who saw nothing.
+
+He called to her to get his breakfast ready, and prepared to go
+upstairs; attiring himself in the clothes he had taken off when he came
+into that room, which had been, ever since, outside the door. In his
+secret dread of meeting the household for the first time, after what he
+had done, he lingered at the door on slight pretexts that they might see
+him without looking in his face; and left it ajar while he dressed; and
+called out to have the windows opened, and the pavement watered, that
+they might become accustomed to his voice. Even when he had put off the
+time, by one means or other, so that he had seen or spoken to them all,
+he could not muster courage for a long while to go in among them,
+but stood at his own door listening to the murmur of their distant
+conversation.
+
+He could not stop there for ever, and so joined them. His last glance at
+the glass had seen a tell-tale face, but that might have been because
+of his anxious looking in it. He dared not look at them to see if they
+observed him, but he thought them very silent.
+
+And whatsoever guard he kept upon himself, he could not help listening,
+and showing that he listened. Whether he attended to their talk, or
+tried to think of other things, or talked himself, or held his peace, or
+resolutely counted the dull tickings of a hoarse clock at his back, he
+always lapsed, as if a spell were on him, into eager listening. For
+he knew it must come. And his present punishment, and torture and
+distraction, were, to listen for its coming.
+
+Hush!
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
+
+BEARS TIDINGS OF MARTIN AND OF MARK, AS WELL AS OF A THIRD PERSON NOT
+QUITE UNKNOWN TO THE READER. EXHIBITS FILIAL PIETY IN AN UGLY ASPECT;
+AND CASTS A DOUBTFUL RAY OF LIGHT UPON A VERY DARK PLACE
+
+
+Tom Pinch and Ruth were sitting at their early breakfast, with the
+window open, and a row of the freshest little plants ranged before it
+on the inside by Ruth's own hands; and Ruth had fastened a sprig of
+geranium in Tom's button-hole, to make him very smart and summer-like
+for the day (it was obliged to be fastened in, or that dear old Tom
+was certain to lose it); and people were crying flowers up and down the
+street; and a blundering bee, who had got himself in between the
+two sashes of the window, was bruising his head against the glass,
+endeavouring to force himself out into the fine morning, and considering
+himself enchanted because he couldn't do it; and the morning was as fine
+a morning as ever was seen; and the fragrant air was kissing Ruth and
+rustling about Tom, as if it said, 'how are you, my dears; I came all
+this way on purpose to salute you;' and it was one of those glad times
+when we form, or ought to form, the wish that every one on earth were
+able to be happy, and catching glimpses of the summer of the heart, to
+feel the beauty of the summer of the year.
+
+It was even a pleasanter breakfast than usual; and it was always a
+pleasant one. For little Ruth had now two pupils to attend, each three
+times a week; and each two hours at a time; and besides this, she had
+painted some screens and card-racks, and, unknown to Tom (was there ever
+anything so delightful!), had walked into a certain shop which dealt
+in such articles, after often peeping through the window; and had taken
+courage to ask the Mistress of that shop whether she would buy them. And
+the mistress had not only bought them, but had ordered more, and that
+very morning Ruth had made confession of these facts to Tom, and had
+handed him the money in a little purse she had worked expressly for the
+purpose. They had been in a flutter about this, and perhaps had shed a
+happy tear or two for anything the history knows to the contrary; but
+it was all over now; and a brighter face than Tom's, or a brighter face
+than Ruth's, the bright sun had not looked on since he went to bed last
+night.
+
+'My dear girl,' said Tom, coming so abruptly on the subject, that he
+interrupted himself in the act of cutting a slice of bread, and left
+the knife sticking in the loaf, 'what a queer fellow our landlord is!
+I don't believe he has been home once since he got me into that
+unsatisfactory scrape. I begin to think he will never come home again.
+What a mysterious life that man does lead, to be sure!'
+
+'Very strange. Is it not, Tom?'
+
+'Really,' said Tom, 'I hope it is only strange. I hope there may be
+nothing wrong in it. Sometimes I begin to be doubtful of that. I must
+have an explanation with him,' said Tom, shaking his head as if this
+were a most tremendous threat, 'when I can catch him!'
+
+A short double knock at the door put Tom's menacing looks to flight, and
+awakened an expression of surprise instead.
+
+'Heyday!' said Tom. 'An early hour for visitors! It must be John, I
+suppose.'
+
+'I--I--don't think it was his knock, Tom,' observed his little sister.
+
+'No?' said Tom. 'It surely can't be my employer suddenly arrived in
+town; directed here by Mr Fips; and come for the key of the office. It's
+somebody inquiring for me, I declare! Come in, if you please!'
+
+But when the person came in, Tom Pinch, instead of saying, 'Did you
+wish to speak with me, sir?' or, 'My name is Pinch, sir; what is your
+business, may I ask?' or addressing him in any such distant terms; cried
+out, 'Good gracious Heaven!' and seized him by both hands, with the
+liveliest manifestations of astonishment and pleasure.
+
+The visitor was not less moved than Tom himself, and they shook hands a
+great many times, without another word being spoken on either side. Tom
+was the first to find his voice.
+
+'Mark Tapley, too!' said Tom, running towards the door, and shaking
+hands with somebody else. 'My dear Mark, come in. How are you, Mark? He
+don't look a day older than he used to do at the Dragon. How ARE you,
+Mark?'
+
+'Uncommonly jolly, sir, thank'ee,' returned Mr Tapley, all smiles and
+bows. 'I hope I see you well, sir.'
+
+'Good gracious me!' cried Tom, patting him tenderly on the back. 'How
+delightful it is to hear his old voice again! My dear Martin, sit down.
+My sister, Martin. Mr Chuzzlewit, my love. Mark Tapley from the Dragon,
+my dear. Good gracious me, what a surprise this is! Sit down. Lord,
+bless me!'
+
+Tom was in such a state of excitement that he couldn't keep himself
+still for a moment, but was constantly running between Mark and Martin,
+shaking hands with them alternately, and presenting them over and over
+again to his sister.
+
+'I remember the day we parted, Martin, as well as if it were yesterday,'
+said Tom. 'What a day it was! and what a passion you were in! And don't
+you remember my overtaking you in the road that morning, Mark, when I
+was going to Salisbury in the gig to fetch him, and you were looking out
+for a situation? And don't you recollect the dinner we had at Salisbury,
+Martin, with John Westlock, eh! Good gracious me! Ruth, my dear,
+Mr Chuzzlewit. Mark Tapley, my love, from the Dragon. More cups and
+saucers, if you please. Bless my soul, how glad I am to see you both!'
+
+And then Tom (as John Westlock had done on his arrival) ran off to the
+loaf to cut some bread and butter for them; and before he had spread a
+single slice, remembered something else, and came running back again to
+tell it; and then he shook hands with them again; and then he introduced
+his sister again; and then he did everything he had done already all
+over again; and nothing Tom could do, and nothing Tom could say, was
+half sufficient to express his joy at their safe return.
+
+Mr Tapley was the first to resume his composure. In a very short space
+of time he was discovered to have somehow installed himself in office as
+waiter, or attendant upon the party; a fact which was first suggested to
+them by his temporary absence in the kitchen, and speedy return with a
+kettle of boiling water, from which he replenished the tea-pot with a
+self-possession that was quite his own.
+
+'Sit down, and take your breakfast, Mark,' said Tom. 'Make him sit down
+and take his breakfast, Martin.'
+
+'Oh! I gave him up, long ago, as incorrigible,' Martin replied. 'He
+takes his own way, Tom. You would excuse him, Miss Pinch, if you knew
+his value.'
+
+'She knows it, bless you!' said Tom. 'I have told her all about Mark
+Tapley. Have I not, Ruth?'
+
+'Yes, Tom.'
+
+'Not all,' returned Martin, in a low voice. 'The best of Mark Tapley is
+only known to one man, Tom; and but for Mark he would hardly be alive to
+tell it!'
+
+'Mark!' said Tom Pinch energetically; 'if you don't sit down this
+minute, I'll swear at you!'
+
+'Well, sir,' returned Mr Tapley, 'sooner than you should do that, I'll
+com-ply. It's a considerable invasion of a man's jollity to be made so
+partickler welcome, but a Werb is a word as signifies to be, to do,
+or to suffer (which is all the grammar, and enough too, as ever I wos
+taught); and if there's a Werb alive, I'm it. For I'm always a-bein',
+sometimes a-doin', and continually a-sufferin'.'
+
+'Not jolly yet?' asked Tom, with a smile.
+
+'Why, I was rather so, over the water, sir,' returned Mr Tapley; 'and
+not entirely without credit. But Human Natur' is in a conspiracy again'
+me; I can't get on. I shall have to leave it in my will, sir, to be
+wrote upon my tomb: "He was a man as might have come out strong if he
+could have got a chance. But it was denied him."'
+
+Mr Tapley took this occasion of looking about him with a grin, and
+subsequently attacking the breakfast, with an appetite not at all
+expressive of blighted hopes, or insurmountable despondency.
+
+In the meanwhile, Martin drew his chair a little nearer to Tom and his
+sister, and related to them what had passed at Mr Pecksniff's
+house; adding in few words a general summary of the distresses and
+disappointments he had undergone since he left England.
+
+'For your faithful stewardship in the trust I left with you, Tom,' he
+said, 'and for all your goodness and disinterestedness, I can never
+thank you enough. When I add Mary's thanks to mine--'
+
+Ah, Tom! The blood retreated from his cheeks, and came rushing back, so
+violently, that it was pain to feel it; ease though, ease, compared with
+the aching of his wounded heart.
+
+'When I add Mary's thanks to mine,' said Martin, 'I have made the only
+poor acknowledgment it is in our power to offer; but if you knew how
+much we feel, Tom, you would set some store by it, I am sure.'
+
+And if they had known how much Tom felt--but that no human creature ever
+knew--they would have set some store by him. Indeed they would.
+
+Tom changed the topic of discourse. He was sorry he could not pursue it,
+as it gave Martin pleasure; but he was unable, at that moment. No drop
+of envy or bitterness was in his soul; but he could not master the firm
+utterance of her name.
+
+He inquired what Martin's projects were.
+
+'No longer to make your fortune, Tom,' said Martin, 'but to try to live.
+I tried that once in London, Tom; and failed. If you will give me the
+benefit of your advice and friendly counsel, I may succeed better under
+your guidance. I will do anything Tom, anything, to gain a livelihood by
+my own exertions. My hopes do not soar above that, now.'
+
+High-hearted, noble Tom! Sorry to find the pride of his old companion
+humbled, and to hear him speaking in this altered strain at once, at
+once, he drove from his breast the inability to contend with its deep
+emotions, and spoke out bravely.
+
+'Your hopes do not soar above that!' cried Tom. 'Yes they do. How can
+you talk so! They soar up to the time when you will be happy with her,
+Martin. They soar up to the time when you will be able to claim her,
+Martin. They soar up to the time when you will not be able to believe
+that you were ever cast down in spirit, or poor in pocket, Martin.
+Advice, and friendly counsel! Why, of course. But you shall have better
+advice and counsel (though you cannot have more friendly) than mine. You
+shall consult John Westlock. We'll go there immediately. It is yet so
+early that I shall have time to take you to his chambers before I go to
+business; they are in my way; and I can leave you there, to talk
+over your affairs with him. So come along. Come along. I am a man of
+occupation now, you know,' said Tom, with his pleasantest smile; 'and
+have no time to lose. Your hopes don't soar higher than that? I dare
+say they don't. I know you, pretty well. They'll be soaring out of sight
+soon, Martin, and leaving all the rest of us leagues behind.'
+
+'Aye! But I may be a little changed,' said Martin, 'since you knew me
+pretty well, Tom.'
+
+'What nonsense!' exclaimed Tom. 'Why should you be changed? You talk
+as if you were an old man. I never heard such a fellow! Come to John
+Westlock's, come. Come along, Mark Tapley. It's Mark's doing, I have
+no doubt; and it serves you right for having such a grumbler for your
+companion.'
+
+'There's no credit to be got through being jolly with YOU, Mr Pinch,
+anyways,' said Mark, with his face all wrinkled up with grins. 'A parish
+doctor might be jolly with you. There's nothing short of goin' to the
+U-nited States for a second trip, as would make it at all creditable to
+be jolly, arter seein' you again!'
+
+Tom laughed, and taking leave of his sister, hurried Mark and Martin out
+into the street, and away to John Westlock's by the nearest road; for
+his hour of business was very near at hand, and he prided himself on
+always being exact to his time.
+
+John Westlock was at home, but, strange to say, was rather embarrassed
+to see them; and when Tom was about to go into the room where he
+was breakfasting, said he had a stranger there. It appeared to be a
+mysterious stranger, for John shut that door as he said it, and led them
+into the next room.
+
+He was very much delighted, though, to see Mark Tapley; and received
+Martin with his own frank courtesy. But Martin felt that he did not
+inspire John Westlock with any unusual interest; and twice or
+thrice observed that he looked at Tom Pinch doubtfully; not to say
+compassionately. He thought, and blushed to think, that he knew the
+cause of this.
+
+'I apprehend you are engaged,' said Martin, when Tom had announced the
+purport of their visit. 'If you will allow me to come again at your own
+time, I shall be glad to do so.'
+
+'I AM engaged,' replied John, with some reluctance; 'but the matter on
+which I am engaged is one, to say the truth, more immediately demanding
+your knowledge than mine.'
+
+'Indeed!' cried Martin.
+
+'It relates to a member of your family, and is of a serious nature. If
+you will have the kindness to remain here, it will be a satisfaction to
+me to have it privately communicated to you, in order that you may judge
+of its importance for yourself.'
+
+'And in the meantime,' said Tom, 'I must really take myself off, without
+any further ceremony.'
+
+'Is your business so very particular,' asked Martin, 'that you cannot
+remain with us for half an hour? I wish you could. What IS your
+business, Tom?'
+
+It was Tom's turn to be embarrassed now; but he plainly said, after a
+little hesitation:
+
+'Why, I am not at liberty to say what it is, Martin; though I hope
+soon to be in a condition to do so, and am aware of no other reason
+to prevent my doing so now, than the request of my employer. It's an
+awkward position to be placed in,' said Tom, with an uneasy sense of
+seeming to doubt his friend, 'as I feel every day; but I really cannot
+help it, can I, John?'
+
+John Westlock replied in the negative; and Martin, expressing himself
+perfectly satisfied, begged them not to say another word; though he
+could not help wondering very much what curious office Tom held, and why
+he was so secret, and embarrassed, and unlike himself, in reference to
+it. Nor could he help reverting to it, in his own mind, several times
+after Tom went away, which he did as soon as this conversation was
+ended, taking Mr Tapley with him, who, as he laughingly said, might
+accompany him as far as Fleet Street without injury.
+
+'And what do you mean to do, Mark?' asked Tom, as they walked on
+together.
+
+'Mean to do, sir?' returned Mr Tapley.
+
+'Aye. What course of life do you mean to pursue?'
+
+'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'The fact is, that I have been a-thinking
+rather of the matrimonial line, sir.'
+
+'You don't say so, Mark!' cried Tom.
+
+'Yes, sir. I've been a-turnin' of it over.'
+
+'And who is the lady, Mark?'
+
+'The which, sir?' said Mr Tapley.
+
+'The lady. Come! You know what I said,' replied Tom, laughing, 'as well
+as I do!'
+
+Mr Tapley suppressed his own inclination to laugh; and with one of his
+most whimsically-twisted looks, replied:
+
+'You couldn't guess, I suppose, Mr Pinch?'
+
+'How is it possible?' said Tom. 'I don't know any of your flames, Mark.
+Except Mrs Lupin, indeed.'
+
+'Well, sir!' retorted Mr Tapley. 'And supposing it was her!'
+
+Tom stopping in the street to look at him, Mr Tapley for a moment
+presented to his view an utterly stolid and expressionless face; a
+perfect dead wall of countenance. But opening window after window in
+it with astonishing rapidity, and lighting them all up as for a general
+illumination, he repeated:
+
+'Supposin', for the sake of argument, as it was her, sir!'
+
+'Why I thought such a connection wouldn't suit you, Mark, on any terms!'
+cried Tom.
+
+'Well, sir! I used to think so myself, once,' said Mark. 'But I ain't so
+clear about it now. A dear, sweet creetur, sir!'
+
+'A dear, sweet creature? To be sure she is,' cried Tom. 'But she always
+was a dear, sweet creature, was she not?'
+
+'WAS she not!' assented Mr Tapley.
+
+'Then why on earth didn't you marry her at first, Mark, instead of
+wandering abroad, and losing all this time, and leaving her alone by
+herself, liable to be courted by other people?'
+
+'Why, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, in a spirit of unbounded confidence,
+'I'll tell you how it come about. You know me, Mr Pinch, sir; there
+ain't a gentleman alive as knows me better. You're acquainted with my
+constitution, and you're acquainted with my weakness. My constitution
+is, to be jolly; and my weakness is, to wish to find a credit in it.
+Wery good, sir. In this state of mind, I gets a notion in my head that
+she looks on me with a eye of--with what you may call a favourable sort
+of a eye in fact,' said Mr Tapley, with modest hesitation.
+
+'No doubt,' replied Tom. 'We knew that perfectly well when we spoke on
+this subject long ago; before you left the Dragon.'
+
+Mr Tapley nodded assent. 'Well, sir! But bein' at that time full of
+hopeful wisions, I arrives at the conclusion that no credit is to be got
+out of such a way of life as that, where everything agreeable would be
+ready to one's hand. Lookin' on the bright side of human life in short,
+one of my hopeful wisions is, that there's a deal of misery awaitin' for
+me; in the midst of which I may come out tolerable strong, and be jolly
+under circumstances as reflects some credit. I goes into the world, sir,
+wery boyant, and I tries this. I goes aboard ship first, and wery soon
+discovers (by the ease with which I'm jolly, mind you) as there's no
+credit to be got THERE. I might have took warning by this, and gave it
+up; but I didn't. I gets to the U-nited States; and then I DO begin, I
+won't deny it, to feel some little credit in sustaining my spirits. What
+follows? Jest as I'm a-beginning to come out, and am a-treadin' on the
+werge, my master deceives me.'
+
+'Deceives you!' cried Tom.
+
+'Swindles me,' retorted Mr Tapley with a beaming face. 'Turns his back
+on everything as made his service a creditable one, and leaves me high
+and dry, without a leg to stand upon. In which state I returns home.
+Wery good. Then all my hopeful wisions bein' crushed; and findin' that
+there ain't no credit for me nowhere; I abandons myself to despair,
+and says, "Let me do that as has the least credit in it of all; marry a
+dear, sweet creetur, as is wery fond of me; me bein', at the same time,
+wery fond of her; lead a happy life, and struggle no more again' the
+blight which settles on my prospects."'
+
+'If your philosophy, Mark,' said Tom, who laughed heartily at this
+speech, 'be the oddest I ever heard of, it is not the least wise. Mrs
+Lupin has said "yes," of course?'
+
+'Why, no, sir,' replied Mr Tapley; 'she hasn't gone so far as that yet.
+Which I attribute principally to my not havin' asked her. But we was
+wery agreeable together--comfortable, I may say--the night I come home.
+It's all right, sir.'
+
+'Well!' said Tom, stopping at the Temple Gate. 'I wish you joy, Mark,
+with all my heart. I shall see you again to-day, I dare say. Good-bye
+for the present.'
+
+'Good-bye, sir! Good-bye, Mr Pinch!' he added by way of soliloquy, as
+he stood looking after him. 'Although you ARE a damper to a honourable
+ambition. You little think it, but you was the first to dash my hopes.
+Pecksniff would have built me up for life, but your sweet temper pulled
+me down. Good-bye, Mr Pinch!'
+
+While these confidences were interchanged between Tom Pinch and Mark,
+Martin and John Westlock were very differently engaged. They were no
+sooner left alone together than Martin said, with an effort he could not
+disguise:
+
+'Mr Westlock, we have met only once before, but you have known Tom a
+long while, and that seems to render you familiar to me. I cannot
+talk freely with you on any subject unless I relieve my mind of what
+oppresses it just now. I see with pain that you so far mistrust me that
+you think me likely to impose on Tom's regardlessness of himself, or on
+his kind nature, or some of his good qualities.'
+
+'I had no intention,' replied John, 'of conveying any such impression to
+you, and am exceedingly sorry to have done so.'
+
+'But you entertain it?' said Martin.
+
+'You ask me so pointedly and directly,' returned the other, 'that I
+cannot deny the having accustomed myself to regard you as one who,
+not in wantonness but in mere thoughtlessness of character, did not
+sufficiently consider his nature and did not quite treat it as it
+deserves to be treated. It is much easier to slight than to appreciate
+Tom Pinch.'
+
+This was not said warmly, but was energetically spoken too; for there
+was no subject in the world (but one) on which the speaker felt so
+strongly.
+
+'I grew into the knowledge of Tom,' he pursued, 'as I grew towards
+manhood; and I have learned to love him as something, infinitely better
+than myself. I did not think that you understood him when we met before.
+I did not think that you greatly cared to understand him. The instances
+of this which I observed in you were, like my opportunities for
+observation, very trivial--and were very harmless, I dare say. But they
+were not agreeable to me, and they forced themselves upon me; for I was
+not upon the watch for them, believe me. You will say,' added John, with
+a smile, as he subsided into more of his accustomed manner, 'that I am
+not by any means agreeable to you. I can only assure you, in reply, that
+I would not have originated this topic on any account.'
+
+'I originated it,' said Martin; 'and so far from having any complaint
+to make against you, highly esteem the friendship you entertain for
+Tom, and the very many proofs you have given him of it. Why should
+I endeavour to conceal from you'--he coloured deeply though--'that
+I neither understood him nor cared to understand him when I was his
+companion; and that I am very truly sorry for it now!'
+
+It was so sincerely said, at once so modestly and manfully, that John
+offered him his hand as if he had not done so before; and Martin giving
+his in the same open spirit, all constraint between the young men
+vanished.
+
+'Now pray,' said John, 'when I tire your patience very much in what I
+am going to say, recollect that it has an end to it, and that the end is
+the point of the story.'
+
+With this preface, he related all the circumstances connected with his
+having presided over the illness and slow recovery of the patient at the
+Bull; and tacked on to the skirts of that narrative Tom's own account of
+the business on the wharf. Martin was not a little puzzled when he came
+to an end, for the two stories seemed to have no connection with each
+other, and to leave him, as the phrase is, all abroad.
+
+'If you will excuse me for one moment,' said John, rising, 'I will beg
+you almost immediately to come into the next room.'
+
+Upon that, he left Martin to himself, in a state of considerable
+astonishment; and soon came back again to fulfil his promise.
+Accompanying him into the next room, Martin found there a third person;
+no doubt the stranger of whom his host had spoken when Tom Pinch
+introduced him.
+
+He was a young man; with deep black hair and eyes. He was gaunt and
+pale; and evidently had not long recovered from a severe illness. He
+stood as Martin entered, but sat again at John's desire. His eyes were
+cast downward; and but for one glance at them both, half in humiliation
+and half in entreaty, he kept them so, and sat quite still and silent.
+
+'This person's name is Lewsome,' said John Westlock, 'whom I have
+mentioned to you as having been seized with an illness at the inn near
+here, and undergone so much. He has had a very hard time of it, ever
+since he began to recover; but, as you see, he is now doing well.'
+
+As he did not move or speak, and John Westlock made a pause, Martin, not
+knowing what to say, said that he was glad to hear it.
+
+'The short statement that I wish you to hear from his own lips, Mr
+Chuzzlewit,' John pursued--looking attentively at him, and not at
+Martin--'he made to me for the first time yesterday, and repeated to me
+this morning, without the least variation of any essential particular. I
+have already told you that he informed me before he was removed from the
+Inn, that he had a secret to disclose to me which lay heavy on his mind.
+But, fluctuating between sickness and health and between his desire to
+relieve himself of it, and his dread of involving himself by revealing
+it, he has, until yesterday, avoided the disclosure. I never pressed
+him for it (having no idea of its weight or import, or of my right to do
+so), until within a few days past; when, understanding from him, on his
+own voluntary avowal, in a letter from the country, that it related to a
+person whose name was Jonas Chuzzlewit; and thinking that it might throw
+some light on that little mystery which made Tom anxious now and then; I
+urged the point upon him, and heard his statement, as you will now,
+from his own lips. It is due to him to say, that in the apprehension
+of death, he committed it to writing sometime since, and folded it in a
+sealed paper, addressed to me; which he could not resolve, however,
+to place of his own act in my hands. He has the paper in his breast, I
+believe, at this moment.'
+
+The young man touched it hastily; in corroboration of the fact.
+
+'It will be well to leave that in our charge, perhaps,' said John. 'But
+do not mind it now.'
+
+As he said this, he held up his hand to bespeak Martin's attention. It
+was already fixed upon the man before him, who, after a short silence
+said, in a low, weak, hollow voice:
+
+'What relation was Mr Anthony Chuzzlewit, who--'
+
+'--Who died--to me?' said Martin. 'He was my grandfather's brother.'
+
+'I fear he was made away with. Murdered!'
+
+'My God!' said Martin. 'By whom?'
+
+The young man, Lewsome, looked up in his face, and casting down his eyes
+again, replied:
+
+'I fear, by me.'
+
+'By you?' cried Martin.
+
+'Not by my act, but I fear by my means.'
+
+'Speak out!' said Martin, 'and speak the truth.'
+
+'I fear this IS the truth.'
+
+Martin was about to interrupt him again, but John Westlock saying
+softly, 'Let him tell his story in his own way,' Lewsome went on thus:
+
+'I have been bred a surgeon, and for the last few years have served a
+general practitioner in the City, as his assistant. While I was in
+his employment I became acquainted with Jonas Chuzzlewit. He is the
+principal in this deed.'
+
+'What do you mean?' demanded Martin, sternly. 'Do you know he is the son
+of the old man of whom you have spoken?'
+
+'I do,' he answered.
+
+He remained silent for some moments, when he resumed at the point where
+he had left off.
+
+'I have reason to know it; for I have often heard him wish his old
+father dead, and complain of his being wearisome to him, and a drag
+upon him. He was in the habit of doing so, at a place of meeting we
+had--three or four of us--at night. There was no good in the place you
+may suppose, when you hear that he was the chief of the party. I wish I
+had died myself, and never seen it!'
+
+He stopped again; and again resumed as before.
+
+'We met to drink and game; not for large sums, but for sums that were
+large to us. He generally won. Whether or no, he lent money at interest
+to those who lost; and in this way, though I think we all secretly hated
+him, he came to be the master of us. To propitiate him we made a jest of
+his father; it began with his debtors; I was one; and we used to toast
+a quicker journey to the old man, and a swift inheritance to the young
+one.'
+
+He paused again.
+
+'One night he came there in a very bad humour. He had been greatly
+tried, he said, by the old man that day. He and I were alone together;
+and he angrily told me, that the old man was in his second childhood;
+that he was weak, imbecile, and drivelling; as unbearable to himself as
+he was to other people; and that it would be a charity to put him out of
+the way. He swore that he had often thought of mixing something with the
+stuff he took for his cough, which should help him to die easily. People
+were sometimes smothered who were bitten by mad dogs, he said; and why
+not help these lingering old men out of their troubles too? He looked
+full at me as he said so, and I looked full at him; but it went no
+farther that night.'
+
+He stopped once more, and was silent for so long an interval that John
+Westlock said 'Go on.' Martin had never removed his eyes from his face,
+but was so absorbed in horror and astonishment that he could not speak.
+
+'It may have been a week after that, or it may have been less or
+more--the matter was in my mind all the time, but I cannot recollect the
+time, as I should any other period--when he spoke to me again. We were
+alone then, too; being there before the usual hour of assembling. There
+was no appointment between us; but I think I went there to meet him, and
+I know he came there to meet me. He was there first. He was reading
+a newspaper when I went in, and nodded to me without looking up, or
+leaving off reading. I sat down opposite and close to him. He said,
+immediately, that he wanted me to get him some of two sorts of drugs.
+One that was instantaneous in its effect; of which he wanted very
+little. One that was slow and not suspicious in appearance; of which he
+wanted more. While he was speaking to me he still read the newspaper. He
+said "Drugs," and never used any other word. Neither did I.'
+
+'This all agrees with what I have heard before,' observed John Westlock.
+
+'I asked him what he wanted the drugs for? He said for no harm; to
+physic cats; what did it matter to me? I was going out to a distant
+colony (I had recently got the appointment, which, as Mr Westlock
+knows, I have since lost by my sickness, and which was my only hope of
+salvation from ruin), and what did it matter to me? He could get them
+without my aid at half a hundred places, but not so easily as he could
+get them of me. This was true. He might not want them at all, he said,
+and he had no present idea of using them; but he wished to have them
+by him. All this time he still read the newspaper. We talked about the
+price. He was to forgive me a small debt--I was quite in his power--and
+to pay me five pounds; and there the matter dropped, through others
+coming in. But, next night, under exactly similar circumstances, I gave
+him the drugs, on his saying I was a fool to think that he should ever
+use them for any harm; and he gave me the money. We have never met
+since. I only know that the poor old father died soon afterwards, just
+as he would have died from this cause; and that I have undergone, and
+suffer now, intolerable misery. Nothing' he added, stretching out his
+hands, 'can paint my misery! It is well deserved, but nothing can paint
+it.'
+
+With that he hung his head, and said no more, wasted and wretched, he
+was not a creature upon whom to heap reproaches that were unavailing.
+
+'Let him remain at hand,' said Martin, turning from him; 'but out of
+sight, in Heaven's name!'
+
+'He will remain here,' John whispered. 'Come with me!' Softly turning
+the key upon him as they went out, he conducted Martin into the
+adjoining room, in which they had been before.
+
+Martin was so amazed, so shocked, and confounded by what he had heard
+that it was some time before he could reduce it to any order in his
+mind, or could sufficiently comprehend the bearing of one part upon
+another, to take in all the details at one view. When he, at length, had
+the whole narrative clearly before him, John Westlock went on to point
+out the great probability of the guilt of Jonas being known to other
+people, who traded in it for their own benefit, and who were, by
+such means, able to exert that control over him which Tom Pinch had
+accidentally witnessed, and unconsciously assisted. This appeared so
+plain, that they agreed upon it without difficulty; but instead of
+deriving the least assistance from this source, they found that it
+embarrassed them the more.
+
+They knew nothing of the real parties who possessed this power. The only
+person before them was Tom's landlord. They had no right to question
+Tom's landlord, even if they could find him, which, according to Tom's
+account, it would not be easy to do. And granting that they did question
+him, and he answered (which was taking a good deal for granted), he had
+only to say, with reference to the adventure on the wharf, that he had
+been sent from such and such a place to summon Jonas back on urgent
+business, and there was an end of it.
+
+Besides, there was the great difficulty and responsibility of moving at
+all in the matter. Lewsome's story might be false; in his wretched state
+it might be greatly heightened by a diseased brain; or admitting it
+to be entirely true, the old man might have died a natural death. Mr
+Pecksniff had been there at the time; as Tom immediately remembered,
+when he came back in the afternoon, and shared their counsels; and there
+had been no secrecy about it. Martin's grandfather was of right the
+person to decide upon the course that should be taken; but to get at his
+views would be impossible, for Mr Pecksniff's views were certain to
+be his. And the nature of Mr Pecksniff's views in reference to his own
+son-in-law might be easily reckoned upon.
+
+Apart from these considerations, Martin could not endure the thought
+of seeming to grasp at this unnatural charge against his relative, and
+using it as a stepping-stone to his grandfather's favour. But that he
+would seem to do so, if he presented himself before his grandfather in
+Mr Pecksniff's house again, for the purpose of declaring it; and that
+Mr Pecksniff, of all men, would represent his conduct in that despicable
+light, he perfectly well knew. On the other hand to be in possession of
+such a statement, and take no measures of further inquiry in reference
+to it, was tantamount to being a partner in the guilt it professed to
+disclose.
+
+In a word, they were wholly unable to discover any outlet from this maze
+of difficulty, which did not lie through some perplexed and entangled
+thicket. And although Mr Tapley was promptly taken into their
+confidence; and the fertile imagination of that gentleman suggested many
+bold expedients, which, to do him justice, he was quite ready to carry
+into instant operation on his own personal responsibility; still 'bating
+the general zeal of Mr Tapley's nature, nothing was made particularly
+clearer by these offers of service.
+
+It was in this position of affairs that Tom's account of the strange
+behaviour of the decayed clerk, on the night of the tea-party, became
+of great moment, and finally convinced them that to arrive at a more
+accurate knowledge of the workings of that old man's mind and memory,
+would be to take a most important stride in their pursuit of the truth.
+So, having first satisfied themselves that no communication had ever
+taken place between Lewsome and Mr Chuffey (which would have accounted
+at once for any suspicions the latter might entertain), they unanimously
+resolved that the old clerk was the man they wanted.
+
+But, like the unanimous resolution of a public meeting, which will
+oftentimes declare that this or that grievance is not to be borne
+a moment longer, which is nevertheless borne for a century or two
+afterwards, without any modification, they only reached in this the
+conclusion that they were all of one mind. For it was one thing to want
+Mr Chuffey, and another thing to get at him; and to do that without
+alarming him, or without alarming Jonas, or without being discomfited
+by the difficulty of striking, in an instrument so out of tune and so
+unused, the note they sought, was an end as far from their reach as
+ever.
+
+The question then became, who of those about the old clerk had had most
+influence with him that night? Tom said his young mistress clearly.
+But Tom and all of them shrunk from the thought of entrapping her,
+and making her the innocent means of bringing retribution on her cruel
+husband. Was there nobody else? Why yes. In a very different way, Tom
+said, he was influenced by Mrs Gamp, the nurse; who had once had the
+control of him, as he understood, for some time.
+
+They caught at this immediately. Here was a new way out, developed in a
+quarter until then overlooked. John Westlock knew Mrs Gamp; he had given
+her employment; he was acquainted with her place of residence: for that
+good lady had obligingly furnished him, at parting, with a pack of her
+professional cards for general distribution. It was decided that Mrs
+Gamp should be approached with caution, but approached without delay;
+and that the depths of that discreet matron's knowledge of Mr Chuffey,
+and means of bringing them, or one of them, into communication with him,
+should be carefully sounded.
+
+On this service, Martin and John Westlock determined to proceed that
+night; waiting on Mrs Gamp first, at her lodgings; and taking their
+chance of finding her in the repose of private life, or of having to
+seek her out, elsewhere, in the exercise of her professional duties. Tom
+returned home, that he might lose no opportunity of having an interview
+with Nadgett, by being absent in the event of his reappearance. And Mr
+Tapley remained (by his own particular desire) for the time being in
+Furnival's Inn, to look after Lewsome; who might safely have been left
+to himself, however, for any thought he seemed to entertain of giving
+them the slip.
+
+Before they parted on their several errands, they caused him to read
+aloud, in the presence of them all, the paper which he had about him,
+and the declaration he had attached to it, which was to the effect that
+he had written it voluntarily, in the fear of death and in the torture
+of his mind. And when he had done so, they all signed it, and taking it
+from him, of his free will, locked it in a place of safety.
+
+Martin also wrote, by John's advice, a letter to the trustees of the
+famous Grammar School, boldly claiming the successful design as his,
+and charging Mr Pecksniff with the fraud he had committed. In this
+proceeding also, John was hotly interested; observing, with his usual
+irreverance, that Mr Pecksniff had been a successful rascal all his
+life through, and that it would be a lasting source of happiness to him
+(John) if he could help to do him justice in the smallest particular.
+
+A busy day! But Martin had no lodgings yet; so when these matters were
+disposed of, he excused himself from dining with John Westlock and was
+fain to wander out alone, and look for some. He succeeded, after great
+trouble, in engaging two garrets for himself and Mark, situated in a
+court in the Strand, not far from Temple Bar. Their luggage, which was
+waiting for them at a coach-office, he conveyed to this new place of
+refuge; and it was with a glow of satisfaction, which as a selfish man
+he never could have known and never had, that, thinking how much pains
+and trouble he had saved Mark, and how pleased and astonished Mark would
+be, he afterwards walked up and down, in the Temple, eating a meat-pie
+for his dinner.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
+
+IN WHICH MRS HARRIS ASSISTED BY A TEAPOT, IS THE CAUSE OF A DIVISION
+BETWEEN FRIENDS
+
+
+Mrs Gamp's apartment in Kingsgate Street, High Holborn, wore,
+metaphorically speaking, a robe of state. It was swept and garnished for
+the reception of a visitor. That visitor was Betsey Prig; Mrs Prig, of
+Bartlemy's; or as some said Barklemy's, or as some said Bardlemy's; for
+by all these endearing and familiar appellations, had the hospital of
+Saint Bartholomew become a household word among the sisterhood which
+Betsey Prig adorned.
+
+Mrs Gamp's apartment was not a spacious one, but, to a contented mind,
+a closet is a palace; and the first-floor front at Mr Sweedlepipe's may
+have been, in the imagination of Mrs Gamp, a stately pile. If it were
+not exactly that, to restless intellects, it at least comprised as much
+accommodation as any person, not sanguine to insanity, could have looked
+for in a room of its dimensions. For only keep the bedstead always in
+your mind; and you were safe. That was the grand secret. Remembering the
+bedstead, you might even stoop to look under the little round table
+for anything you had dropped, without hurting yourself much against the
+chest of drawers, or qualifying as a patient of Saint Bartholomew, by
+falling into the fire.
+
+Visitors were much assisted in their cautious efforts to preserve an
+unflagging recollection of this piece of furniture, by its size; which
+was great. It was not a turn-up bedstead, nor yet a French bedstead,
+nor yet a four-post bedstead, but what is poetically called a tent; the
+sacking whereof was low and bulgy, insomuch that Mrs Gamp's box would
+not go under it, but stopped half-way, in a manner which, while it did
+violence to the reason, likewise endangered the legs of a stranger. The
+frame too, which would have supported the canopy and hangings if there
+had been any, was ornamented with divers pippins carved in timber,
+which on the slightest provocation, and frequently on none at all, came
+tumbling down; harassing the peaceful guest with inexplicable terrors.
+
+The bed itself was decorated with a patchwork quilt of great antiquity;
+and at the upper end, upon the side nearest to the door, hung a scanty
+curtain of blue check, which prevented the Zephyrs that were abroad in
+Kingsgate Street, from visiting Mrs Gamp's head too roughly. Some rusty
+gowns and other articles of that lady's wardrobe depended from the
+posts; and these had so adapted themselves by long usage to her figure,
+that more than one impatient husband coming in precipitately, at about
+the time of twilight, had been for an instant stricken dumb by the
+supposed discovery that Mrs Gamp had hanged herself. One gentleman,
+coming on the usual hasty errand, had said indeed, that they looked like
+guardian angels 'watching of her in her sleep.' But that, as Mrs Gamp
+said, 'was his first;' and he never repeated the sentiment, though he
+often repeated his visit.
+
+The chairs in Mrs Gamp's apartment were extremely large and
+broad-backed, which was more than a sufficient reason for there being
+but two in number. They were both elbow-chairs, of ancient mahogany; and
+were chiefly valuable for the slippery nature of their seats, which had
+been originally horsehair, but were now covered with a shiny substance
+of a bluish tint, from which the visitor began to slide away with a
+dismayed countenance, immediately after sitting down. What Mrs Gamp
+wanted in chairs she made up in bandboxes; of which she had a great
+collection, devoted to the reception of various miscellaneous valuables,
+which were not, however, as well protected as the good woman, by a
+pleasant fiction, seemed to think; for, though every bandbox had a
+carefully closed lid, not one among them had a bottom; owing to which
+cause the property within was merely, as it were, extinguished. The
+chest of drawers having been originally made to stand upon the top of
+another chest, had a dwarfish, elfin look, alone; but in regard of its
+security it had a great advantage over the bandboxes, for as all the
+handles had been long ago pulled off, it was very difficult to get at
+its contents. This indeed was only to be done by one or two devices;
+either by tilting the whole structure forward until all the drawers fell
+out together, or by opening them singly with knives, like oysters.
+
+Mrs Gamp stored all her household matters in a little cupboard by the
+fire-place; beginning below the surface (as in nature) with the coals,
+and mounting gradually upwards to the spirits, which, from motives of
+delicacy, she kept in a teapot. The chimney-piece was ornamented with
+a small almanack, marked here and there in Mrs Gamp's own hand with a
+memorandum of the date at which some lady was expected to fall due. It
+was also embellished with three profiles: one, in colours, of Mrs Gamp
+herself in early life; one, in bronze, of a lady in feathers, supposed
+to be Mrs Harris, as she appeared when dressed for a ball; and one, in
+black, of Mr Gamp, deceased. The last was a full length, in order
+that the likeness might be rendered more obvious and forcible by the
+introduction of the wooden leg.
+
+A pair of bellows, a pair of pattens, a toasting-fork, a kettle, a
+pap-boat, a spoon for the administration of medicine to the refractory,
+and lastly, Mrs Gamp's umbrella, which as something of great price
+and rarity, was displayed with particular ostentation, completed the
+decorations of the chimney-piece and adjacent wall. Towards these
+objects Mrs Gamp raised her eyes in satisfaction when she had arranged
+the tea-board, and had concluded her arrangements for the reception
+of Betsey Prig, even unto the setting forth of two pounds of Newcastle
+salmon, intensely pickled.
+
+'There! Now drat you, Betsey, don't be long!' said Mrs Gamp,
+apostrophizing her absent friend. 'For I can't abear to wait, I do
+assure you. To wotever place I goes, I sticks to this one mortar, "I'm
+easy pleased; it is but little as I wants; but I must have that little
+of the best, and to the minute when the clock strikes, else we do not
+part as I could wish, but bearin' malice in our arts."'
+
+Her own preparations were of the best, for they comprehended a delicate
+new loaf, a plate of fresh butter, a basin of fine white sugar, and
+other arrangements on the same scale. Even the snuff with which she
+now refreshed herself, was so choice in quality that she took a second
+pinch.
+
+'There's the little bell a-ringing now,' said Mrs Gamp, hurrying to
+the stair-head and looking over. 'Betsey Prig, my--why it's that there
+disapintin' Sweedlepipes, I do believe.'
+
+'Yes, it's me,' said the barber in a faint voice; 'I've just come in.'
+
+'You're always a-comin' in, I think,' muttered Mrs Gamp to herself,
+'except wen you're a-goin' out. I ha'n't no patience with that man!'
+
+'Mrs Gamp,' said the barber. 'I say! Mrs Gamp!'
+
+'Well,' cried Mrs Gamp, impatiently, as she descended the stairs. 'What
+is it? Is the Thames a-fire, and cooking its own fish, Mr Sweedlepipes?
+Why wot's the man gone and been a-doin' of to himself? He's as white as
+chalk!'
+
+She added the latter clause of inquiry, when she got downstairs, and
+found him seated in the shaving-chair, pale and disconsolate.
+
+'You recollect,' said Poll. 'You recollect young--'
+
+'Not young Wilkins!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'Don't say young Wilkins, wotever
+you do. If young Wilkins's wife is took--'
+
+'It isn't anybody's wife,' exclaimed the little barber. 'Bailey, young
+Bailey!'
+
+'Why, wot do you mean to say that chit's been a-doin' of?' retorted Mrs
+Gamp, sharply. 'Stuff and nonsense, Mrs Sweedlepipes!'
+
+'He hasn't been a-doing anything!' exclaimed poor Poll, quite desperate.
+'What do you catch me up so short for, when you see me put out to that
+extent that I can hardly speak? He'll never do anything again. He's done
+for. He's killed. The first time I ever see that boy,' said Poll, 'I
+charged him too much for a red-poll. I asked him three-halfpence for a
+penny one, because I was afraid he'd beat me down. But he didn't.
+And now he's dead; and if you was to crowd all the steam-engines and
+electric fluids that ever was, into this shop, and set 'em every one to
+work their hardest, they couldn't square the account, though it's only a
+ha'penny!'
+
+Mr Sweedlepipe turned aside to the towel, and wiped his eyes with it.
+
+'And what a clever boy he was!' he said. 'What a surprising young chap
+he was! How he talked! and what a deal he know'd! Shaved in this very
+chair he was; only for fun; it was all his fun; he was full of it. Ah!
+to think that he'll never be shaved in earnest! The birds might every
+one have died, and welcome,' cried the little barber, looking round him
+at the cages, and again applying to the towel, 'sooner than I'd have
+heard this news!'
+
+'How did you ever come to hear it?' said Mrs Gamp, 'who told you?'
+
+'I went out,' returned the little barber, 'into the City, to meet a
+sporting gent upon the Stock Exchange, that wanted a few slow pigeons to
+practice at; and when I'd done with him, I went to get a little drop
+of beer, and there I heard everybody a-talking about it. It's in the
+papers.'
+
+'You are in a nice state of confugion, Mr Sweedlepipes, you are!' said
+Mrs Gamp, shaking her head; 'and my opinion is, as half-a-dudgeon fresh
+young lively leeches on your temples, wouldn't be too much to clear your
+mind, which so I tell you. Wot were they a-talkin' on, and wot was in
+the papers?'
+
+'All about it!' cried the barber. 'What else do you suppose? Him and his
+master were upset on a journey, and he was carried to Salisbury, and
+was breathing his last when the account came away. He never spoke
+afterwards. Not a single word. That's the worst of it to me; but that
+ain't all. His master can't be found. The other manager of their office
+in the city, Crimple, David Crimple, has gone off with the money, and is
+advertised for, with a reward, upon the walls. Mr Montague, poor young
+Bailey's master (what a boy he was!) is advertised for, too. Some say
+he's slipped off, to join his friend abroad; some say he mayn't have got
+away yet; and they're looking for him high and low. Their office is a
+smash; a swindle altogether. But what's a Life Assurance office to a
+Life! And what a Life Young Bailey's was!'
+
+'He was born into a wale,' said Mrs Gamp, with philosophical coolness.
+'and he lived in a wale; and he must take the consequences of sech a
+sitiwation. But don't you hear nothink of Mr Chuzzlewit in all this?'
+
+'No,' said Poll, 'nothing to speak of. His name wasn't printed as one of
+the board, though some people say it was just going to be. Some believe
+he was took in, and some believe he was one of the takers-in; but
+however that may be, they can't prove nothing against him. This morning
+he went up of his own accord afore the Lord Mayor or some of them City
+big-wigs, and complained that he'd been swindled, and that these two
+persons had gone off and cheated him, and that he had just found out
+that Montague's name wasn't even Montague, but something else. And they
+do say that he looked like Death, owing to his losses. But, Lord
+forgive me,' cried the barber, coming back again to the subject of
+his individual grief, 'what's his looks to me! He might have died and
+welcome, fifty times, and not been such a loss as Bailey!'
+
+At this juncture the little bell rang, and the deep voice of Mrs Prig
+struck into the conversation.
+
+'Oh! You're a-talkin' about it, are you!' observed that lady. 'Well, I
+hope you've got it over, for I ain't interested in it myself.'
+
+'My precious Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, 'how late you are!'
+
+The worthy Mrs Prig replied, with some asperity, 'that if perwerse
+people went off dead, when they was least expected, it warn't no fault
+of her'n.' And further, 'that it was quite aggrawation enough to be made
+late when one was dropping for one's tea, without hearing on it again.'
+
+Mrs Gamp, deriving from this exhibition of repartee some clue to the
+state of Mrs Prig's feelings, instantly conducted her upstairs; deeming
+that the sight of pickled salmon might work a softening change.
+
+But Betsey Prig expected pickled salmon. It was obvious that she did;
+for her first words, after glancing at the table, were:
+
+'I know'd she wouldn't have a cowcumber!'
+
+Mrs Gamp changed colour, and sat down upon the bedstead.
+
+'Lord bless you, Betsey Prig, your words is true. I quite forgot it!'
+
+Mrs Prig, looking steadfastly at her friend, put her hand in her
+pocket, and with an air of surly triumph drew forth either the oldest of
+lettuces or youngest of cabbages, but at any rate, a green vegetable of
+an expansive nature, and of such magnificent proportions that she was
+obliged to shut it up like an umbrella before she could pull it out.
+She also produced a handful of mustard and cress, a trifle of the herb
+called dandelion, three bunches of radishes, an onion rather larger than
+an average turnip, three substantial slices of beetroot, and a short
+prong or antler of celery; the whole of this garden-stuff having been
+publicly exhibited, but a short time before, as a twopenny salad, and
+purchased by Mrs Prig on condition that the vendor could get it all into
+her pocket. Which had been happily accomplished, in High Holborn, to
+the breathless interest of a hackney-coach stand. And she laid so little
+stress on this surprising forethought, that she did not even smile, but
+returning her pocket into its accustomed sphere, merely recommended
+that these productions of nature should be sliced up, for immediate
+consumption, in plenty of vinegar.
+
+'And don't go a-droppin' none of your snuff in it,' said Mrs Prig.
+'In gruel, barley-water, apple-tea, mutton-broth, and that, it don't
+signify. It stimulates a patient. But I don't relish it myself.'
+
+'Why, Betsey Prig!' cried Mrs Gamp, 'how CAN you talk so!'
+
+'Why, ain't your patients, wotever their diseases is, always asneezin'
+their wery heads off, along of your snuff?' said Mrs Prig.
+
+'And wot if they are!' said Mrs Gamp
+
+'Nothing if they are,' said Mrs Prig. 'But don't deny it, Sairah.'
+
+'Who deniges of it?' Mrs Gamp inquired.
+
+Mrs Prig returned no answer.
+
+'WHO deniges of it, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp inquired again. Then Mrs Gamp, by
+reversing the question, imparted a deeper and more awful character of
+solemnity to the same. 'Betsey, who deniges of it?'
+
+It was the nearest possible approach to a very decided difference of
+opinion between these ladies; but Mrs Prig's impatience for the meal
+being greater at the moment than her impatience of contradiction, she
+replied, for the present, 'Nobody, if you don't, Sairah,' and prepared
+herself for tea. For a quarrel can be taken up at any time, but a
+limited quantity of salmon cannot.
+
+Her toilet was simple. She had merely to 'chuck' her bonnet and shawl
+upon the bed; give her hair two pulls, one upon the right side and one
+upon the left, as if she were ringing a couple of bells; and all was
+done. The tea was already made, Mrs Gamp was not long over the salad,
+and they were soon at the height of their repast.
+
+The temper of both parties was improved, for the time being, by the
+enjoyments of the table. When the meal came to a termination (which it
+was pretty long in doing), and Mrs Gamp having cleared away, produced
+the teapot from the top shelf, simultaneously with a couple of
+wine-glasses, they were quite amiable.
+
+'Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, filling her own glass and passing the teapot,
+'I will now propoge a toast. My frequent pardner, Betsey Prig!'
+
+'Which, altering the name to Sairah Gamp; I drink,' said Mrs Prig, 'with
+love and tenderness.'
+
+From this moment symptoms of inflammation began to lurk in the nose of
+each lady; and perhaps, notwithstanding all appearances to the contrary,
+in the temper also.
+
+'Now, Sairah,' said Mrs Prig, 'joining business with pleasure, wot is
+this case in which you wants me?'
+
+Mrs Gamp betraying in her face some intention of returning an evasive
+answer, Betsey added:
+
+'IS it Mrs Harris?'
+
+'No, Betsey Prig, it ain't,' was Mrs Gamp's reply.
+
+'Well!' said Mrs Prig, with a short laugh. 'I'm glad of that, at any
+rate.'
+
+'Why should you be glad of that, Betsey?' Mrs Gamp retorted, warmly.
+'She is unbeknown to you except by hearsay, why should you be glad? If
+you have anythink to say contrairy to the character of Mrs Harris, which
+well I knows behind her back, afore her face, or anywheres, is not to be
+impeaged, out with it, Betsey. I have know'd that sweetest and best of
+women,' said Mrs Gamp, shaking her head, and shedding tears, 'ever since
+afore her First, which Mr Harris who was dreadful timid went and stopped
+his ears in a empty dog-kennel, and never took his hands away or come
+out once till he was showed the baby, wen bein' took with fits, the
+doctor collared him and laid him on his back upon the airy stones, and
+she was told to ease her mind, his owls was organs. And I have know'd
+her, Betsey Prig, when he has hurt her feelin' art by sayin' of his
+Ninth that it was one too many, if not two, while that dear innocent was
+cooin' in his face, which thrive it did though bandy, but I have never
+know'd as you had occagion to be glad, Betsey, on accounts of Mrs Harris
+not requiring you. Require she never will, depend upon it, for her
+constant words in sickness is, and will be, "Send for Sairey?"'
+
+During this touching address, Mrs Prig adroitly feigning to be the
+victim of that absence of mind which has its origin in excessive
+attention to one topic, helped herself from the teapot without appearing
+to observe it. Mrs Gamp observed it, however, and came to a premature
+close in consequence.
+
+'Well, it ain't her, it seems,' said Mrs Prig, coldly; 'who is it then?'
+
+'You have heerd me mention, Betsey,' Mrs Gamp replied, after glancing in
+an expressive and marked manner at the tea-pot, 'a person as I took
+care on at the time as you and me was pardners off and on, in that there
+fever at the Bull?'
+
+'Old Snuffey,' Mrs Prig observed.
+
+Sarah Gamp looked at her with an eye of fire, for she saw in this
+mistake of Mrs Prig, another willful and malignant stab at that same
+weakness or custom of hers, an ungenerous allusion to which, on the part
+of Betsey, had first disturbed their harmony that evening. And she saw
+it still more clearly, when, politely but firmly correcting that lady
+by the distinct enunciation of the word 'Chuffey,' Mrs Prig received the
+correction with a diabolical laugh.
+
+The best among us have their failings, and it must be conceded of Mrs
+Prig, that if there were a blemish in the goodness of her disposition,
+it was a habit she had of not bestowing all its sharp and acid
+properties upon her patients (as a thoroughly amiable woman would have
+done), but of keeping a considerable remainder for the service of her
+friends. Highly pickled salmon, and lettuces chopped up in vinegar,
+may, as viands possessing some acidity of their own, have encouraged and
+increased this failing in Mrs Prig; and every application to the teapot
+certainly did; for it was often remarked of her by her friends, that
+she was most contradictory when most elevated. It is certain that her
+countenance became about this time derisive and defiant, and that she
+sat with her arms folded, and one eye shut up, in a somewhat offensive,
+because obstrusively intelligent, manner.
+
+Mrs Gamp observing this, felt it the more necessary that Mrs Prig should
+know her place, and be made sensible of her exact station in society, as
+well as of her obligations to herself. She therefore assumed an air of
+greater patronage and importance, as she went on to answer Mrs Prig a
+little more in detail.
+
+'Mr Chuffey, Betsey,' said Mrs Gamp, 'is weak in his mind. Excuge me
+if I makes remark, that he may neither be so weak as people thinks, nor
+people may not think he is so weak as they pretends, and what I knows,
+I knows; and what you don't, you don't; so do not ask me, Betsey. But Mr
+Chuffey's friends has made propojals for his bein' took care on, and has
+said to me, "Mrs Gamp, WILL you undertake it? We couldn't think," they
+says, "of trusting him to nobody but you, for, Sairey, you are gold as
+has passed the furnage. Will you undertake it, at your own price, day
+and night, and by your own self?" "No," I says, "I will not. Do not
+reckon on it. There is," I says, "but one creetur in the world as I would
+undertake on sech terms, and her name is Harris. But," I says, "I
+am acquainted with a friend, whose name is Betsey Prig, that I can
+recommend, and will assist me. Betsey," I says, "is always to be trusted
+under me, and will be guided as I could desire."'
+
+Here Mrs Prig, without any abatement of her offensive manner again
+counterfeited abstraction of mind, and stretched out her hand to the
+teapot. It was more than Mrs Gamp could bear. She stopped the hand of
+Mrs Prig with her own, and said, with great feeling:
+
+'No, Betsey! Drink fair, wotever you do!'
+
+Mrs Prig, thus baffled, threw herself back in her chair, and closing the
+same eye more emphatically, and folding her arms tighter, suffered her
+head to roll slowly from side to side, while she surveyed her friend
+with a contemptuous smile.
+
+Mrs Gamp resumed:
+
+'Mrs Harris, Betsey--'
+
+'Bother Mrs Harris!' said Betsey Prig.
+
+Mrs Gamp looked at her with amazement, incredulity, and indignation;
+when Mrs Prig, shutting her eye still closer, and folding her arms still
+tighter, uttered these memorable and tremendous words:
+
+'I don't believe there's no sich a person!'
+
+After the utterance of which expressions, she leaned forward, and
+snapped her fingers once, twice, thrice; each time nearer to the face of
+Mrs Gamp, and then rose to put on her bonnet, as one who felt that there
+was now a gulf between them, which nothing could ever bridge across.
+
+The shock of this blow was so violent and sudden, that Mrs Gamp sat
+staring at nothing with uplifted eyes, and her mouth open as if she
+were gasping for breath, until Betsey Prig had put on her bonnet and
+her shawl, and was gathering the latter about her throat. Then Mrs Gamp
+rose--morally and physically rose--and denounced her.
+
+'What!' said Mrs Gamp, 'you bage creetur, have I know'd Mrs Harris five
+and thirty year, to be told at last that there ain't no sech a person
+livin'! Have I stood her friend in all her troubles, great and small,
+for it to come at last to sech a end as this, which her own sweet picter
+hanging up afore you all the time, to shame your Bragian words! But well
+you mayn't believe there's no sech a creetur, for she wouldn't demean
+herself to look at you, and often has she said, when I have made mention
+of your name, which, to my sinful sorrow, I have done, "What, Sairey
+Gamp! debage yourself to HER!" Go along with you!'
+
+'I'm a-goin', ma'am, ain't I?' said Mrs Prig, stopping as she said it.
+
+'You had better, ma'am,' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'Do you know who you're talking to, ma'am?' inquired her visitor.
+
+'Aperiently,' said Mrs Gamp, surveying her with scorn from head to foot,
+'to Betsey Prig. Aperiently so. I know her. No one better. Go along with
+you!'
+
+'And YOU was a-goin' to take me under you!' cried Mrs Prig, surveying
+Mrs Gamp from head to foot in her turn. 'YOU was, was you? Oh, how kind!
+Why, deuce take your imperence,' said Mrs Prig, with a rapid change from
+banter to ferocity, 'what do you mean?'
+
+'Go along with you!' said Mrs Gamp. 'I blush for you.'
+
+'You had better blush a little for yourself, while you ARE about it!'
+said Mrs Prig. 'You and your Chuffeys! What, the poor old creetur isn't
+mad enough, isn't he? Aha!'
+
+'He'd very soon be mad enough, if you had anything to do with him,' said
+Mrs Gamp.
+
+'And that's what I was wanted for, is it?' cried Mrs Prig, triumphantly.
+'Yes. But you'll find yourself deceived. I won't go near him. We shall
+see how you get on without me. I won't have nothink to do with him.'
+
+'You never spoke a truer word than that!' said Mrs Gamp. 'Go along with
+you!'
+
+She was prevented from witnessing the actual retirement of Mrs Prig from
+the room, notwithstanding the great desire she had expressed to behold
+it, by that lady, in her angry withdrawal, coming into contact with the
+bedstead, and bringing down the previously mentioned pippins; three or
+four of which came rattling on the head of Mrs Gamp so smartly, that
+when she recovered from this wooden shower-bath, Mrs Prig was gone.
+
+She had the satisfaction, however, of hearing the deep voice of Betsey,
+proclaiming her injuries and her determination to have nothing to do
+with Mr Chuffey, down the stairs, and along the passage, and even out in
+Kingsgate Street. Likewise of seeing in her own apartment, in the place
+of Mrs Prig, Mr Sweedlepipe and two gentlemen.
+
+'Why, bless my life!' exclaimed the little barber, 'what's amiss? The
+noise you ladies have been making, Mrs Gamp! Why, these two gentlemen
+have been standing on the stairs, outside the door, nearly all the time,
+trying to make you hear, while you were pelting away, hammer and tongs!
+It'll be the death of the little bullfinch in the shop, that draws his
+own water. In his fright, he's been a-straining himself all to bits,
+drawing more water than he could drink in a twelvemonth. He must have
+thought it was Fire!'
+
+Mrs Gamp had in the meanwhile sunk into her chair, from whence, turning
+up her overflowing eyes, and clasping her hands, she delivered the
+following lamentation:
+
+'Oh, Mr Sweedlepipes, which Mr Westlock also, if my eyes do not deceive,
+and a friend not havin' the pleasure of bein' beknown, wot I have took
+from Betsey Prig this blessed night, no mortial creetur knows! If she
+had abuged me, bein' in liquor, which I thought I smelt her wen she
+come, but could not so believe, not bein' used myself'--Mrs Gamp, by the
+way, was pretty far gone, and the fragrance of the teapot was strong in
+the room--'I could have bore it with a thankful art. But the words she
+spoke of Mrs Harris, lambs could not forgive. No, Betsey!' said Mrs
+Gamp, in a violent burst of feeling, 'nor worms forget!'
+
+The little barber scratched his head, and shook it, and looked at the
+teapot, and gradually got out of the room. John Westlock, taking a
+chair, sat down on one side of Mrs Gamp. Martin, taking the foot of the
+bed, supported her on the other.
+
+'You wonder what we want, I daresay,' observed John. 'I'll tell you
+presently, when you have recovered. It's not pressing, for a few minutes
+or so. How do you find yourself? Better?'
+
+Mrs Gamp shed more tears, shook her head and feebly pronounced Mrs
+Harris's name.
+
+'Have a little--' John was at a loss what to call it.
+
+'Tea,' suggested Martin.
+
+'It ain't tea,' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'Physic of some sort, I suppose,' cried John. 'Have a little.'
+
+Mrs Gamp was prevailed upon to take a glassful. 'On condition,' she
+passionately observed, 'as Betsey never has another stroke of work from
+me.'
+
+'Certainly not,' said John. 'She shall never help to nurse ME.'
+
+'To think,' said Mrs Gamp, 'as she should ever have helped to nuss that
+friend of yourn, and been so near of hearing things that--Ah!'
+
+John looked at Martin.
+
+'Yes,' he said. 'That was a narrow escape, Mrs Gamp.'
+
+'Narrer, in-deed!' she returned. 'It was only my having the night, and
+hearin' of him in his wanderins; and her the day, that saved it. Wot
+would she have said and done, if she had know'd what I know; that
+perfeejus wretch! Yet, oh good gracious me!' cried Mrs Gamp, trampling
+on the floor, in the absence of Mrs Prig, 'that I should hear from that
+same woman's lips what I have heerd her speak of Mrs Harris!'
+
+'Never mind,' said John. 'You know it is not true.'
+
+'Isn't true!' cried Mrs Gamp. 'True! Don't I know as that dear woman
+is expecting of me at this minnit, Mr Westlock, and is a-lookin' out of
+window down the street, with little Tommy Harris in her arms, as calls
+me his own Gammy, and truly calls, for bless the mottled little legs
+of that there precious child (like Canterbury Brawn his own dear father
+says, which so they are) his own I have been, ever since I found him,
+Mr Westlock, with his small red worsted shoe a-gurglin' in his throat,
+where he had put it in his play, a chick, wile they was leavin' of
+him on the floor a-lookin' for it through the ouse and him a-choakin'
+sweetly in the parlour! Oh, Betsey Prig, what wickedness you've showed
+this night, but never shall you darken Sairey's doors agen, you twining
+serpiant!'
+
+'You were always so kind to her, too!' said John, consolingly.
+
+'That's the cutting part. That's where it hurts me, Mr Westlock,' Mrs
+Gamp replied; holding out her glass unconsciously, while Martin filled
+it.
+
+'Chosen to help you with Mr Lewsome!' said John. 'Chosen to help you
+with Mr Chuffey!'
+
+'Chose once, but chose no more,' cried Mrs Gamp. 'No pardnership with
+Betsey Prig agen, sir!'
+
+'No, no,' said John. 'That would never do.'
+
+'I don't know as it ever would have done, sir,' Mrs Gamp replied, with
+a solemnity peculiar to a certain stage of intoxication. 'Now that the
+marks,' by which Mrs Gamp is supposed to have meant mask, 'is off
+that creetur's face, I do not think it ever would have done. There
+are reagions in families for keeping things a secret, Mr Westlock, and
+havin' only them about you as you knows you can repoge in. Who could
+repoge in Betsey Prig, arter her words of Mrs Harris, setting in that
+chair afore my eyes!'
+
+'Quite true,' said John; 'quite. I hope you have time to find another
+assistant, Mrs Gamp?'
+
+Between her indignation and the teapot, her powers of comprehending what
+was said to her began to fail. She looked at John with tearful eyes, and
+murmuring the well-remembered name which Mrs Prig had challenged--as if
+it were a talisman against all earthly sorrows--seemed to wander in her
+mind.
+
+'I hope,' repeated John, 'that you have time to find another assistant?'
+
+'Which short it is, indeed,' cried Mrs Gamp, turning up her languid
+eyes, and clasping Mr Westlock's wrist with matronly affection.
+'To-morrow evenin', sir, I waits upon his friends. Mr Chuzzlewit apinted
+it from nine to ten.'
+
+'From nine to ten,' said John, with a significant glance at Martin. 'and
+then Mr Chuffey retires into safe keeping, does he?'
+
+'He needs to be kep safe, I do assure you,' Mrs Gamp replied with a
+mysterious air. 'Other people besides me has had a happy deliverance
+from Betsey Prig. I little know'd that woman. She'd have let it out!'
+
+'Let HIM out, you mean,' said John.
+
+'Do I!' retorted Mrs Gamp. 'Oh!'
+
+The severely ironical character of this reply was strengthened by a very
+slow nod, and a still slower drawing down of the corners of Mrs Gamp's
+mouth. She added with extreme stateliness of manner after indulging in a
+short doze:
+
+'But I am a-keepin' of you gentlemen, and time is precious.'
+
+Mingling with that delusion of the teapot which inspired her with
+the belief that they wanted her to go somewhere immediately, a shrewd
+avoidance of any further reference to the topics into which she had
+lately strayed, Mrs Gamp rose; and putting away the teapot in its
+accustomed place, and locking the cupboard with much gravity proceeded
+to attire herself for a professional visit.
+
+This preparation was easily made, as it required nothing more than
+the snuffy black bonnet, the snuffy black shawl, the pattens and
+the indispensable umbrella, without which neither a lying-in nor a
+laying-out could by any possibility be attempted. When Mrs Gamp had
+invested herself with these appendages she returned to her chair, and
+sitting down again, declared herself quite ready.
+
+'It's a 'appiness to know as one can benefit the poor sweet creetur,'
+she observed, 'I'm sure. It isn't all as can. The torters Betsey Prig
+inflicts is frightful!'
+
+Closing her eyes as she made this remark, in the acuteness of her
+commiseration for Betsey's patients, she forgot to open them again until
+she dropped a patten. Her nap was also broken at intervals like the
+fabled slumbers of Friar Bacon, by the dropping of the other patten,
+and of the umbrella. But when she had got rid of those incumbrances, her
+sleep was peaceful.
+
+The two young men looked at each other, ludicrously enough; and Martin,
+stifling his disposition to laugh, whispered in John Westlock's ear,
+
+'What shall we do now?'
+
+'Stay here,' he replied.
+
+Mrs Gamp was heard to murmur 'Mrs Harris' in her sleep.
+
+'Rely upon it,' whispered John, looking cautiously towards her, 'that
+you shall question this old clerk, though you go as Mrs Harris herself.
+We know quite enough to carry her our own way now, at all events; thanks
+to this quarrel, which confirms the old saying that when rogues fall
+out, honest people get what they want. Let Jonas Chuzzlewit look to
+himself; and let her sleep as long as she likes. We shall gain our end
+in good time.'
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIFTY
+
+SURPRISES TOM PINCH VERY MUCH, AND SHOWS HOW CERTAIN CONFIDENCES PASSED
+BETWEEN HIM AND HIS SISTER
+
+
+It was the next evening; and Tom and his sister were sitting together
+before tea, talking, in their usual quiet way, about a great many
+things, but not at all about Lewsome's story or anything connected with
+it; for John Westlock--really John, for so young a man, was one of the
+most considerate fellows in the world--had particularly advised Tom not
+to mention it to his sister just yet, in case it should disquiet her.
+'And I wouldn't, Tom,' he said, with a little hesitation, 'I wouldn't
+have a shadow on her happy face, or an uneasy thought in her gentle
+heart, for all the wealth and honours of the universe!' Really John was
+uncommonly kind; extraordinarily kind. If he had been her father, Tom
+said, he could not have taken a greater interest in her.
+
+But although Tom and his sister were extremely conversational, they were
+less lively, and less cheerful, than usual. Tom had no idea that this
+originated with Ruth, but took it for granted that he was rather dull
+himself. In truth he was; for the lightest cloud upon the Heaven of her
+quiet mind, cast its shadow upon Tom.
+
+And there was a cloud on little Ruth that evening. Yes, indeed. When Tom
+was looking in another direction, her bright eyes, stealing on towards
+his face, would sparkle still more brightly than their custom was, and
+then grow dim. When Tom was silent, looking out upon the summer weather,
+she would sometimes make a hasty movement, as if she were about to throw
+herself upon his neck; then check the impulse, and when he looked
+round, show a laughing face, and speak to him very merrily; when she had
+anything to give Tom, or had any excuse for coming near him, she would
+flutter about him, and lay her bashful hand upon his shoulder, and not
+be willing to withdraw it; and would show by all such means that there
+was something on her heart which in her great love she longed to say to
+him, but had not the courage to utter.
+
+So they were sitting, she with her work before her, but not working, and
+Tom with his book beside him, but not reading, when Martin knocked
+at the door. Anticipating who it was, Tom went to open it; and he and
+Martin came back into the room together. Tom looked surprised, for in
+answer to his cordial greeting Martin had hardly spoken a word.
+
+Ruth also saw that there was something strange in the manner of their
+visitor, and raised her eyes inquiringly to Tom's face, as if she were
+seeking an explanation there. Tom shook his head, and made the same mute
+appeal to Martin.
+
+Martin did not sit down but walked up to the window, and stood there
+looking out. He turned round after a few moments to speak, but hastily
+averted his head again, without doing so.
+
+'What has happened, Martin?' Tom anxiously inquired. 'My dear fellow,
+what bad news do you bring?'
+
+'Oh, Tom!' replied Martin, in a tone of deep reproach. 'To hear you
+feign that interest in anything that happens to me, hurts me even more
+than your ungenerous dealing.'
+
+'My ungenerous dealing! Martin! My--' Tom could say no more.
+
+'How could you, Tom, how could you suffer me to thank you so fervently
+and sincerely for your friendship; and not tell me, like a man, that you
+had deserted me! Was it true, Tom! Was it honest! Was it worthy of what
+you used to be--of what I am sure you used to be--to tempt me, when you
+had turned against me, into pouring out my heart! Oh, Tom!'
+
+His tone was one of such strong injury and yet of so much grief for the
+loss of a friend he had trusted in--it expressed such high past love
+for Tom, and so much sorrow and compassion for his supposed
+unworthiness--that Tom, for a moment, put his hand before his face, and
+had no more power of justifying himself, than if he had been a monster
+of deceit and falsehood.
+
+'I protest, as I must die,' said Martin, 'that I grieve over the loss
+of what I thought you; and have no anger in the recollection of my own
+injuries. It is only at such a time, and after such a discovery, that we
+know the full measure of our old regard for the subject of it. I swear,
+little as I showed it--little as I know I showed it--that when I had the
+least consideration for you, Tom, I loved you like a brother.'
+
+Tom was composed by this time, and might have been the Spirit of Truth,
+in a homely dress--it very often wears a homely dress, thank God!--when
+he replied to him.
+
+'Martin,' he said, 'I don't know what is in your mind, or who has abused
+it, or by what extraordinary means. But the means are false. There is
+no truth whatever in the impression under which you labour. It is a
+delusion from first to last; and I warn you that you will deeply regret
+the wrong you do me. I can honestly say that I have been true to you,
+and to myself. You will be very sorry for this. Indeed, you will be very
+sorry for it, Martin.'
+
+'I AM sorry,' returned Martin, shaking his head. 'I think I never knew
+what it was to be sorry in my heart, until now.'
+
+'At least,' said Tom, 'if I had always been what you charge me with
+being now, and had never had a place in your regard, but had always been
+despised by you, and had always deserved it, you should tell me in what
+you have found me to be treacherous; and on what grounds you proceed. I
+do not intreat you, therefore, to give me that satisfaction as a favour,
+Martin, but I ask it of you as a right.'
+
+'My own eyes are my witnesses,' returned Martin. 'Am I to believe them?'
+
+'No,' said Tom, calmly. 'Not if they accuse me.'
+
+'Your own words. Your own manner,' pursued Martin. 'Am I to believe
+THEM?'
+
+'No,' replied Tom, calmly. 'Not if they accuse me. But they never have
+accused me. Whoever has perverted them to such a purpose, has wronged
+me almost as cruelly'--his calmness rather failed him here--'as you have
+done.'
+
+'I came here,' said Martin; 'and I appeal to your good sister to hear
+me--'
+
+'Not to her,' interrupted Tom. 'Pray, do not appeal to her. She will
+never believe you.'
+
+He drew her arm through his own, as he said it.
+
+'I believe it, Tom!'
+
+'No, no,' cried Tom, 'of course not. I said so. Why, tut, tut, tut. What
+a silly little thing you are!'
+
+'I never meant,' said Martin, hastily, 'to appeal to you against your
+brother. Do not think me so unmanly and unkind. I merely appealed to you
+to hear my declaration, that I came here for no purpose of reproach--I
+have not one reproach to vent--but in deep regret. You could not know in
+what bitterness of regret, unless you knew how often I have thought of
+Tom; how long in almost hopeless circumstances, I have looked forward
+to the better estimation of his friendship; and how steadfastly I have
+believed and trusted in him.'
+
+'Tut, tut,' said Tom, stopping her as she was about to speak. 'He is
+mistaken. He is deceived. Why should you mind? He is sure to be set
+right at last.'
+
+'Heaven bless the day that sets me right!' cried Martin, 'if it could
+ever come!'
+
+'Amen!' said Tom. 'And it will!'
+
+Martin paused, and then said in a still milder voice:
+
+'You have chosen for yourself, Tom, and will be relieved by our parting.
+It is not an angry one. There is no anger on my side--'
+
+'There is none on mine,' said Tom.
+
+'--It is merely what you have brought about, and worked to bring about.
+I say again, you have chosen for yourself. You have made the choice that
+might have been expected in most people situated as you are, but which I
+did not expect in you. For that, perhaps, I should blame my own judgment
+more than you. There is wealth and favour worth having, on one side; and
+there is the worthless friendship of an abandoned, struggling fellow, on
+the other. You were free to make your election, and you made it; and the
+choice was not difficult. But those who have not the courage to resist
+such temptations, should have the courage to avow what they have yielded
+to them; and I DO blame you for this, Tom: that you received me with a
+show of warmth, encouraged me to be frank and plain-spoken, tempted me
+to confide in you, and professed that you were able to be mine; when
+you had sold yourself to others. I do not believe,' said Martin, with
+emotion--'hear me say it from my heart--I CANNOT believe, Tom, now that
+I am standing face to face with you, that it would have been in your
+nature to do me any serious harm, even though I had not discovered, by
+chance, in whose employment you were. But I should have encumbered you;
+I should have led you into more double-dealing; I should have hazarded
+your retaining the favour for which you have paid so high a price,
+bartering away your former self; and it is best for both of us that I
+have found out what you so much desired to keep secret.'
+
+'Be just,' said Tom; who, had not removed his mild gaze from Martin's
+face since the commencement of this last address; 'be just even in
+your injustice, Martin. You forget. You have not yet told me what your
+accusation is!'
+
+'Why should I?' returned Martin, waving his hand, and moving towards
+the door. 'You could not know it the better for my dwelling on it, and
+though it would be really none the worse, it might seem to me to be.
+No, Tom. Bygones shall be bygones between us. I can take leave of you
+at this moment, and in this place--in which you are so amiable and so
+good--as heartily, if not as cheerfully, as ever I have done since we
+first met. All good go with you, Tom!--I--'
+
+'You leave me so? You can leave me so, can you?' said Tom.
+
+'I--you--you have chosen for yourself, Tom! I--I hope it was a rash
+choice,' Martin faltered. 'I think it was. I am sure it was! Good-bye!'
+
+And he was gone.
+
+Tom led his little sister to her chair, and sat down in his own. He took
+his book, and read, or seemed to read. Presently he said aloud, turning
+a leaf as he spoke: 'He will be very sorry for this.' And a tear stole
+down his face, and dropped upon the page.
+
+Ruth nestled down beside him on her knees, and clasped her arms about
+his neck.
+
+'No, Tom! No, no! Be comforted! Dear Tom!'
+
+'I am quite--comforted,' said Tom. 'It will be set right.'
+
+'Such a cruel, bad return!' cried Ruth.
+
+'No, no,' said Tom. 'He believes it. I cannot imagine why. But it will
+be set right.'
+
+More closely yet, she nestled down about him; and wept as if her heart
+would break.
+
+'Don't. Don't,' said Tom. 'Why do you hide your face, my dear!'
+
+Then in a burst of tears, it all broke out at last.
+
+'Oh Tom, dear Tom, I know your secret heart. I have found it out; you
+couldn't hide the truth from me. Why didn't you tell me? I am sure I
+could have made you happier, if you had! You love her, Tom, so dearly!'
+
+Tom made a motion with his hand as if he would have put his sister
+hurriedly away; but it clasped upon hers, and all his little history
+was written in the action. All its pathetic eloquence was in the silent
+touch.
+
+'In spite of that,' said Ruth, 'you have been so faithful and so good,
+dear; in spite of that, you have been so true and self-denying, and have
+struggled with yourself; in spite of that, you have been so gentle,
+and so kind, and even-tempered, that I have never seen you give a hasty
+look, or heard you say one irritable word. In spite of all, you have
+been so cruelly mistaken. Oh Tom, dear Tom, will THIS be set right too!
+Will it, Tom? Will you always have this sorrow in your breast; you who
+deserve to be so happy; or is there any hope?'
+
+And still she hid her face from Tom, and clasped him round the neck,
+and wept for him, and poured out all her woman's heart and soul in the
+relief and pain of this disclosure.
+
+It was not very long before she and Tom were sitting side by side, and
+she was looking with an earnest quietness in Tom's face. Then Tom spoke
+to her thus, cheerily, though gravely:
+
+'I am very glad, my dear, that this has passed between us. Not because
+it assures me of your tender affection (for I was well assured of that
+before), but because it relieves my mind of a great weight.'
+
+Tom's eyes glistened when he spoke of her affection; and he kissed her
+on the cheek.
+
+'My dear girl,' said Tom; 'with whatever feeling I regard her'--they
+seemed to avoid the name by mutual consent--'I have long ago--I am sure
+I may say from the very first--looked upon it as a dream. As something
+that might possibly have happened under very different circumstances,
+but which can never be. Now, tell me. What would you have set right?'
+
+She gave Tom such a significant little look, that he was obliged to take
+it for an answer whether he would or no; and to go on.
+
+'By her own choice and free consent, my love, she is betrothed to
+Martin; and was, long before either of them knew of my existence. You
+would have her betrothed to me?'
+
+'Yes,' she said directly.
+
+'Yes,' rejoined Tom, 'but that might be setting it wrong, instead of
+right. Do you think,' said Tom, with a grave smile, 'that even if she
+had never seen him, it is very likely she would have fallen in love with
+Me?'
+
+'Why not, dear Tom?'
+
+Tom shook his head, and smiled again.
+
+'You think of me, Ruth,' said Tom, 'and it is very natural that you
+should, as if I were a character in a book; and you make it a sort of
+poetical justice that I should, by some impossible means or other, come,
+at last, to marry the person I love. But there is a much higher justice
+than poetical justice, my dear, and it does not order events upon the
+same principle. Accordingly, people who read about heroes in books, and
+choose to make heroes of themselves out of books, consider it a very
+fine thing to be discontented and gloomy, and misanthropical, and
+perhaps a little blasphemous, because they cannot have everything
+ordered for their individual accommodation. Would you like me to become
+one of that sort of people?'
+
+'No, Tom. But still I know,' she added timidly, 'that this is a sorrow
+to you in your own better way.'
+
+Tom thought of disputing the position. But it would have been mere
+folly, and he gave it up.
+
+'My dear,' said Tom, 'I will repay your affection with the Truth and all
+the Truth. It is a sorrow to me. I have proved it to be so sometimes,
+though I have always striven against it. But somebody who is precious to
+you may die, and you may dream that you are in heaven with the departed
+spirit, and you may find it a sorrow to wake to the life on earth, which
+is no harder to be borne than when you fell asleep. It is sorrowful to
+me to contemplate my dream which I always knew was a dream, even when
+it first presented itself; but the realities about me are not to blame.
+They are the same as they were. My sister, my sweet companion, who makes
+this place so dear, is she less devoted to me, Ruth, than she would
+have been, if this vision had never troubled me? My old friend John, who
+might so easily have treated me with coldness and neglect, is he less
+cordial to me? The world about me, is there less good in that? Are my
+words to be harsh and my looks to be sour, and is my heart to grow cold,
+because there has fallen in my way a good and beautiful creature, who
+but for the selfish regret that I cannot call her my own, would, like
+all other good and beautiful creatures, make me happier and better!
+No, my dear sister. No,' said Tom stoutly. 'Remembering all my means of
+happiness, I hardly dare to call this lurking something a sorrow; but
+whatever name it may justly bear, I thank Heaven that it renders me more
+sensible of affection and attachment, and softens me in fifty ways. Not
+less happy. Not less happy, Ruth!'
+
+She could not speak to him, but she loved him, as he well deserved. Even
+as he deserved, she loved him.
+
+'She will open Martin's eyes,' said Tom, with a glow of pride, 'and that
+(which is indeed wrong) will be set right. Nothing will persuade her, I
+know, that I have betrayed him. It will be set right through her, and he
+will be very sorry for it. Our secret, Ruth, is our own, and lives and
+dies with us. I don't believe I ever could have told it you,' said Tom,
+with a smile, 'but how glad I am to think you have found it out!'
+
+They had never taken such a pleasant walk as they took that night. Tom
+told her all so freely and so simply, and was so desirous to return
+her tenderness with his fullest confidence, that they prolonged it far
+beyond their usual hour, and sat up late when they came home. And
+when they parted for the night there was such a tranquil, beautiful
+expression in Tom's face, that she could not bear to shut it out, but
+going back on tiptoe to his chamber-door, looked in and stood there till
+he saw her, and then embracing him again, withdrew. And in her prayers
+and in her sleep--good times to be remembered with such fervour,
+Tom!--his name was uppermost.
+
+When he was left alone, Tom pondered very much on this discovery of
+hers, and greatly wondered what had led her to it. 'Because,' thought
+Tom, 'I have been so very careful. It was foolish and unnecessary in
+me, as I clearly see now, when I am so relieved by her knowing it; but I
+have been so very careful to conceal it from her. Of course I knew that
+she was intelligent and quick, and for that reason was more upon my
+guard; but I was not in the least prepared for this. I am sure her
+discovery has been sudden too. Dear me!' said Tom. 'It's a most singular
+instance of penetration!'
+
+Tom could not get it out of his head. There it was, when his head was on
+his pillow.
+
+'How she trembled when she began to tell me she knew it!' thought Tom,
+recalling all the little incidents and circumstances; 'and how her
+face flushed! But that was natural! Oh, quite natural! That needs no
+accounting for.'
+
+Tom little thought how natural it was. Tom little knew that there was
+that in Ruth's own heart, but newly set there, which had helped her to
+the reading of his mystery. Ah, Tom! He didn't understand the whispers
+of the Temple Fountain, though he passed it every day.
+
+Who so lively and cheerful as busy Ruth next morning! Her early tap at
+Tom's door, and her light foot outside, would have been music to him
+though she had not spoken. But she said it was the brightest morning
+ever seen; and so it was; and if it had been otherwise, she would have
+made it so to Tom.
+
+She was ready with his neat breakfast when he went downstairs, and had
+her bonnet ready for the early walk, and was so full of news, that Tom
+was lost in wonder. She might have been up all night, collecting it for
+his entertainment. There was Mr Nadgett not come home yet, and there was
+bread down a penny a loaf, and there was twice as much strength in this
+tea as in the last, and the milk-woman's husband had come out of the
+hospital cured, and the curly-headed child over the way had been lost
+all yesterday, and she was going to make all sorts of preserves in a
+desperate hurry, and there happened to be a saucepan in the house which
+was the very saucepan for the purpose; and she knew all about the last
+book Tom had brought home, all through, though it was a teaser to read;
+and she had so much to tell him that she had finished breakfast first.
+Then she had her little bonnet on, and the tea and sugar locked up, and
+the keys in her reticule, and the flower, as usual, in Tom's coat, and
+was in all respects quite ready to accompany him, before Tom knew she
+had begun to prepare. And in short, as Tom said, with a confidence in
+his own assertion which amounted to a defiance of the public in general,
+there never was such a little woman.
+
+She made Tom talkative. It was impossible to resist her. She put such
+enticing questions to him; about books, and about dates of churches,
+and about organs and about the Temple, and about all kinds of things.
+Indeed, she lightened the way (and Tom's heart with it) to that degree,
+that the Temple looked quite blank and solitary when he parted from her
+at the gate.
+
+'No Mr Fips's friend to-day, I suppose,' thought Tom, as he ascended the
+stairs.
+
+Not yet, at any rate, for the door was closed as usual, and Tom opened
+it with his key. He had got the books into perfect order now, and
+had mended the torn leaves, and had pasted up the broken backs, and
+substituted neat labels for the worn-out letterings. It looked a
+different place, it was so orderly and neat. Tom felt some pride in
+comtemplating the change he had wrought, though there was no one to
+approve or disapprove of it.
+
+He was at present occupied in making a fair copy of his draught of
+the catalogue; on which, as there was no hurry, he was painfully
+concentrating all the ingenious and laborious neatness he had ever
+expended on map or plan in Mr Pecksniff's workroom. It was a very marvel
+of a catalogue; for Tom sometimes thought he was really getting his
+money too easily, and he had determined within himself that this
+document should take a little of his superfluous leisure out of him.
+
+So with pens and ruler, and compasses and india-rubber, and pencil, and
+black ink, and red ink, Tom worked away all the morning. He thought a
+good deal about Martin, and their interview of yesterday, and would have
+been far easier in his mind if he could have resolved to confide it
+to his friend John, and to have taken his opinion on the subject.
+But besides that he knew what John's boiling indignation would be, he
+bethought himself that he was helping Martin now in a matter of great
+moment, and that to deprive the latter of his assistance at such a
+crisis of affairs, would be to inflict a serious injury upon him.
+
+'So I'll keep it to myself,' said Tom, with a sigh. 'I'll keep it to
+myself.'
+
+And to work he went again, more assiduously than ever, with the pens,
+and the ruler, and the india-rubber, and the pencils, and the red ink,
+that he might forget it.
+
+He had laboured away another hour or more, when he heard a footstep in
+the entry, down below.
+
+'Ah!' said Tom, looking towards the door; 'time was, not long ago
+either, when that would have set me wondering and expecting. But I have
+left off now.'
+
+The footstep came on, up the stairs.
+
+'Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight,' said Tom, counting. 'Now
+you'll stop. Nobody ever comes past the thirty-eighth stair.'
+
+The person did, certainly, but only to take breath; for up the footstep
+came again. Forty, forty-one, forty-two, and so on.
+
+The door stood open. As the tread advanced, Tom looked impatiently and
+eagerly towards it. When a figure came upon the landing, and arriving
+in the doorway, stopped and gazed at him, he rose up from his chair, and
+half believed he saw a spirit.
+
+Old Martin Chuzzlewit! The same whom he had left at Mr Pecksniff's, weak
+and sinking!
+
+The same? No, not the same, for this old man, though old, was strong,
+and leaned upon his stick with a vigorous hand, while with the other
+he signed to Tom to make no noise. One glance at the resolute face, the
+watchful eye, the vigorous hand upon the staff, the triumphant purpose
+in the figure, and such a light broke in on Tom as blinded him.
+
+'You have expected me,' said Martin, 'a long time.'
+
+'I was told that my employer would arrive soon,' said Tom; 'but--'
+
+'I know. You were ignorant who he was. It was my desire. I am glad it
+has been so well observed. I intended to have been with you much sooner.
+I thought the time had come. I thought I could know no more, and no
+worse, of him, than I did on that day when I saw you last. But I was
+wrong.'
+
+He had by this time come up to Tom, and now he grasped his hand.
+
+'I have lived in his house, Pinch, and had him fawning on me days and
+weeks and months. You know it. I have suffered him to treat me like
+his tool and instrument. You know it; you have seen me there. I have
+undergone ten thousand times as much as I could have endured if I had
+been the miserable weak old man he took me for. You know it. I have seen
+him offer love to Mary. You know it; who better--who better, my true
+heart! I have had his base soul bare before me, day by day, and have not
+betrayed myself once. I never could have undergone such torture but for
+looking forward to this time.'
+
+He stopped, even in the passion of his speech--if that can be called
+passion which was so resolute and steady--to press Tom's hand again.
+Then he said, in great excitement:
+
+'Close the door, close the door. He will not be long after me, but
+may come too soon. The time now drawing on,' said the old man,
+hurriedly--his eyes and whole face brightening as he spoke--'will make
+amends for all. I wouldn't have him die or hang himself, for millions of
+golden pieces! Close the door!'
+
+Tom did so; hardly knowing yet whether he was awake or in a dream.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
+
+SHEDS NEW AND BRIGHTER LIGHT UPON THE VERY DARK PLACE; AND CONTAINS THE
+SEQUEL OF THE ENTERPRISE OF MR JONAS AND HIS FRIEND
+
+
+The night had now come, when the old clerk was to be delivered over
+to his keepers. In the midst of his guilty distractions, Jonas had not
+forgotten it.
+
+It was a part of his guilty state of mind to remember it; for on his
+persistence in the scheme depended one of his precautions for his own
+safety. A hint, a word, from the old man, uttered at such a moment in
+attentive ears, might fire the train of suspicion, and destroy him. His
+watchfulness of every avenue by which the discovery of his guilt might
+be approached, sharpened with his sense of the danger by which he was
+encompassed. With murder on his soul, and its innumerable alarms and
+terrors dragging at him night and day, he would have repeated the crime,
+if he had seen a path of safety stretching out beyond. It was in his
+punishment; it was in his guilty condition. The very deed which his
+fears rendered insupportable, his fears would have impelled him to
+commit again.
+
+But keeping the old man close, according to his design, would serve his
+turn. His purpose was to escape, when the first alarm and wonder had
+subsided; and when he could make the attempt without awakening instant
+suspicion. In the meanwhile these women would keep him quiet; and if
+the talking humour came upon him, would not be easily startled. He knew
+their trade.
+
+Nor had he spoken idly when he said the old man should be gagged. He had
+resolved to ensure his silence; and he looked to the end, not the means.
+He had been rough and rude and cruel to the old man all his life; and
+violence was natural to his mind in connection with him. 'He shall be
+gagged if he speaks, and pinioned if he writes,' said Jonas, looking at
+him; for they sat alone together. 'He is mad enough for that; I'll go
+through with it!'
+
+Hush!
+
+Still listening! To every sound. He had listened ever since, and it
+had not come yet. The exposure of the Assurance office; the flight of
+Crimple and Bullamy with the plunder, and among the rest, as he feared,
+with his own bill, which he had not found in the pocket-book of the
+murdered man, and which with Mr Pecksniff's money had probably been
+remitted to one or other of those trusty friends for safe deposit at the
+banker's; his immense losses, and peril of being still called to account
+as a partner in the broken firm; all these things rose in his mind at
+one time and always, but he could not contemplate them. He was aware of
+their presence, and of the rage, discomfiture, and despair, they brought
+along with them; but he thought--of his own controlling power and
+direction he thought--of the one dread question only. When they would
+find the body in the wood.
+
+He tried--he had never left off trying--not to forget it was there, for
+that was impossible, but to forget to weary himself by drawing vivid
+pictures of it in his fancy; by going softly about it and about it
+among the leaves, approaching it nearer and nearer through a gap in the
+boughs, and startling the very flies that were thickly sprinkled all
+over it, like heaps of dried currants. His mind was fixed and fastened
+on the discovery, for intelligence of which he listened intently to
+every cry and shout; listened when any one came in or went out; watched
+from the window the people who passed up and down the street; mistrusted
+his own looks and words. And the more his thoughts were set upon the
+discovery, the stronger was the fascination which attracted them to
+the thing itself; lying alone in the wood. He was for ever showing and
+presenting it, as it were, to every creature whom he saw. 'Look here!
+Do you know of this? Is it found? Do you suspect ME?' If he had been
+condemned to bear the body in his arms, and lay it down for recognition
+at the feet of every one he met, it could not have been more constantly
+with him, or a cause of more monotonous and dismal occupation than it
+was in this state of his mind.
+
+Still he was not sorry. It was no contrition or remorse for what he had
+done that moved him; it was nothing but alarm for his own security. The
+vague consciousness he possessed of having wrecked his fortune in the
+murderous venture, intensified his hatred and revenge, and made him set
+the greater store by what he had gained The man was dead; nothing could
+undo that. He felt a triumph yet, in the reflection.
+
+He had kept a jealous watch on Chuffey ever since the deed; seldom
+leaving him but on compulsion, and then for as short intervals as
+possible. They were alone together now. It was twilight, and the
+appointed time drew near at hand. Jonas walked up and down the room. The
+old man sat in his accustomed corner.
+
+The slightest circumstance was matter of disquiet to the murderer, and
+he was made uneasy at this time by the absence of his wife, who had left
+home early in the afternoon, and had not returned yet. No tenderness
+for her was at the bottom of this; but he had a misgiving that she
+might have been waylaid, and tempted into saying something that would
+criminate him when the news came. For anything he knew, she might have
+knocked at the door of his room, while he was away, and discovered his
+plot. Confound her, it was like her pale face to be wandering up and
+down the house! Where was she now?
+
+'She went to her good friend, Mrs Todgers,' said the old man, when he
+asked the question with an angry oath.
+
+Aye! To be sure! Always stealing away into the company of that woman.
+She was no friend of his. Who could tell what devil's mischief they
+might hatch together! Let her be fetched home directly.
+
+The old man, muttering some words softly, rose as if he would have gone
+himself, but Jonas thrust him back into his chair with an impatient
+imprecation, and sent a servant-girl to fetch her. When he had charged
+her with her errand he walked to and fro again, and never stopped till
+she came back, which she did pretty soon; the way being short, and the
+woman having made good haste.
+
+Well! Where was she? Had she come?
+
+No. She had left there, full three hours.
+
+'Left there! Alone?'
+
+The messenger had not asked; taking that for granted.
+
+'Curse you for a fool. Bring candles!'
+
+She had scarcely left the room when the old clerk, who had been
+unusually observant of him ever since he had asked about his wife, came
+suddenly upon him.
+
+'Give her up!' cried the old man. 'Come! Give her up to me! Tell me what
+you have done with her. Quick! I have made no promises on that score.
+Tell me what you have done with her.'
+
+He laid his hands upon his collar as he spoke, and grasped it; tightly
+too.
+
+'You shall not leave me!' cried the old man. 'I am strong enough to cry
+out to the neighbours, and I will, unless you give her up. Give her up
+to me!'
+
+Jonas was so dismayed and conscience-stricken, that he had not even
+hardihood enough to unclench the old man's hands with his own; but stood
+looking at him as well as he could in the darkness, without moving a
+finger. It was as much as he could do to ask him what he meant.
+
+'I will know what you have done with her!' retorted Chuffey. 'If you
+hurt a hair of her head, you shall answer it. Poor thing! Poor thing!
+Where is she?'
+
+'Why, you old madman!' said Jonas, in a low voice, and with trembling
+lips. 'What Bedlam fit has come upon you now?'
+
+'It is enough to make me mad, seeing what I have seen in this house!'
+cried Chuffey. 'Where is my dear old master! Where is his only son that
+I have nursed upon my knee, a child! Where is she, she who was the last;
+she that I've seen pining day by day, and heard weeping in the dead of
+night! She was the last, the last of all my friends! Heaven help me, she
+was the very last!'
+
+Seeing that the tears were stealing down his face, Jonas mustered
+courage to unclench his hands, and push him off before he answered:
+
+'Did you hear me ask for her? Did you hear me send for her? How can I
+give you up what I haven't got, idiot! Ecod, I'd give her up to you and
+welcome, if I could; and a precious pair you'd be!'
+
+'If she has come to any harm,' cried Chuffey, 'mind! I'm old and silly;
+but I have my memory sometimes; and if she has come to any harm--'
+
+'Devil take you,' interrupted Jonas, but in a suppressed voice still;
+'what harm do you suppose she has come to? I know no more where she is
+than you do; I wish I did. Wait till she comes home, and see; she can't
+be long. Will that content you?'
+
+'Mind!' exclaimed the old man. 'Not a hair of her head! not a hair of
+her head ill-used! I won't bear it. I--I--have borne it too long Jonas.
+I am silent, but I--I--I can speak. I--I--I can speak--' he stammered,
+as he crept back to his chair, and turned a threatening, though a
+feeble, look upon him.
+
+'You can speak, can you!' thought Jonas. 'So, so, we'll stop your
+speaking. It's well I knew of this in good time. Prevention is better
+than cure.'
+
+He had made a poor show of playing the bully and evincing a desire to
+conciliate at the same time, but was so afraid of the old man that
+great drops had started out upon his brow; and they stood there yet. His
+unusual tone of voice and agitated manner had sufficiently expressed his
+fear; but his face would have done so now, without that aid, as he again
+walked to and fro, glancing at him by the candelight.
+
+He stopped at the window to think. An opposite shop was lighted up; and
+the tradesman and a customer were reading some printed bill together
+across the counter. The sight brought him back, instantly, to the
+occupation he had forgotten. 'Look here! Do you know of this? Is it
+found? Do you suspect ME?'
+
+A hand upon the door. 'What's that!'
+
+'A pleasant evenin',' said the voice of Mrs Gamp, 'though warm, which,
+bless you, Mr Chuzzlewit, we must expect when cowcumbers is three for
+twopence. How does Mr Chuffey find his self to-night, sir?'
+
+Mrs Gamp kept particularly close to the door in saying this, and
+curtseyed more than usual. She did not appear to be quite so much at her
+ease as she generally was.
+
+'Get him to his room,' said Jonas, walking up to her, and speaking in
+her ear. 'He has been raving to-night--stark mad. Don't talk while he's
+here, but come down again.'
+
+'Poor sweet dear!' cried Mrs Gamp, with uncommon tenderness. 'He's all
+of a tremble.'
+
+'Well he may be,' said Jonas, 'after the mad fit he has had. Get him
+upstairs.'
+
+She was by this time assisting him to rise.
+
+'There's my blessed old chick!' cried Mrs Gamp, in a tone that was at
+once soothing and encouraging. 'There's my darlin' Mr Chuffey! Now come
+up to your own room, sir, and lay down on your bed a bit; for you're
+a-shakin' all over, as if your precious jints was hung upon wires.
+That's a good creetur! Come with Sairey!'
+
+'Is she come home?' inquired the old man.
+
+'She'll be here directly minit,' returned Mrs Gamp. 'Come with Sairey,
+Mr Chuffey. Come with your own Sairey!'
+
+The good woman had no reference to any female in the world in promising
+this speedy advent of the person for whom Mr Chuffey inquired, but
+merely threw it out as a means of pacifying the old man. It had its
+effect, for he permitted her to lead him away; and they quitted the room
+together.
+
+Jonas looked out of the window again. They were still reading the
+printed paper in the shop opposite, and a third man had joined in the
+perusal. What could it be, to interest them so?'
+
+A dispute or discussion seemed to arise among them, for they all looked
+up from their reading together, and one of the three, who had been
+glancing over the shoulder of another, stepped back to explain or
+illustrate some action by his gestures.
+
+Horror! How like the blow he had struck in the wood!
+
+It beat him from the window as if it had lighted on himself. As he
+staggered into a chair, he thought of the change in Mrs Gamp exhibited
+in her new-born tenderness to her charge. Was that because it was
+found?--because she knew of it?--because she suspected him?
+
+'Mr Chuffey is a-lyin' down,' said Mrs Gamp, returning, 'and much good
+may it do him, Mr Chuzzlewit, which harm it can't and good it may; be
+joyful!'
+
+'Sit down,' said Jonas, hoarsely, 'and let us get this business done.
+Where is the other woman?'
+
+'The other person's with him now,' she answered.
+
+'That's right,' said Jonas. 'He is not fit to be left to himself. Why,
+he fastened on me to-night; here, upon my coat; like a savage dog. Old
+as he is, and feeble as he is usually, I had some trouble to shake him
+off. You--Hush!--It's nothing. You told me the other woman's name. I
+forget it.'
+
+'I mentioned Betsey Prig,' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'She is to be trusted, is she?'
+
+'That she ain't!' said Mrs Gamp; 'nor have I brought her, Mr Chuzzlewit.
+I've brought another, which engages to give every satigefaction.'
+
+'What is her name?' asked Jonas.
+
+Mrs Gamp looked at him in an odd way without returning any answer, but
+appeared to understand the question too.
+
+'What is her name?' repeated Jonas.
+
+'Her name,' said Mrs Gamp, 'is Harris.'
+
+It was extraordinary how much effort it cost Mrs Gamp to pronounce the
+name she was commonly so ready with. She made some three or four gasps
+before she could get it out; and, when she had uttered it, pressed her
+hand upon her side, and turned up her eyes, as if she were going to
+faint away. But, knowing her to labour under a complication of internal
+disorders, which rendered a few drops of spirits indispensable at
+certain times to her existence, and which came on very strong when that
+remedy was not at hand, Jonas merely supposed her to be the victim of
+one of these attacks.
+
+'Well!' he said, hastily, for he felt how incapable he was of confining
+his wandering attention to the subject. 'You and she have arranged to
+take care of him, have you?'
+
+Mrs Gamp replied in the affirmative, and softly discharged herself of
+her familiar phrase, 'Turn and turn about; one off, one on.' But
+she spoke so tremulously that she felt called upon to add, 'which
+fiddle-strings is weakness to expredge my nerves this night!'
+
+Jonas stopped to listen. Then said, hurriedly:
+
+'We shall not quarrel about terms. Let them be the same as they were
+before. Keep him close, and keep him quiet. He must be restrained.
+He has got it in his head to-night that my wife's dead, and has been
+attacking me as if I had killed her. It's--it's common with mad people
+to take the worst fancies of those they like best. Isn't it?'
+
+Mrs Gamp assented with a short groan.
+
+'Keep him close, then, or in one of his fits he'll be doing me a
+mischief. And don't trust him at any time; for when he seems most
+rational, he's wildest in his talk. But that you know already. Let me
+see the other.'
+
+'The t'other person, sir?' said Mrs Gamp.
+
+'Aye! Go you to him and send the other. Quick! I'm busy.'
+
+Mrs Gamp took two or three backward steps towards the door, and stopped
+there.
+
+'It is your wishes, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, in a sort of quavering
+croak, 'to see the t'other person. Is it?'
+
+But the ghastly change in Jonas told her that the other person was
+already seen. Before she could look round towards the door, she was put
+aside by old Martin's hand; and Chuffey and John Westlock entered with
+him.
+
+'Let no one leave the house,' said Martin. 'This man is my brother's
+son. Ill-met, ill-trained, ill-begotten. If he moves from the spot on
+which he stands, or speaks a word above his breath to any person here,
+open the window, and call for help!'
+
+'What right have you to give such directions in this house?' asked Jonas
+faintly.
+
+'The right of your wrong-doing. Come in there!'
+
+An irrepressible exclamation burst from the lips of Jonas, as Lewsome
+entered at the door. It was not a groan, or a shriek, or a word, but was
+wholly unlike any sound that had ever fallen on the ears of those who
+heard it, while at the same time it was the most sharp and terrible
+expression of what was working in his guilty breast, that nature could
+have invented.
+
+He had done murder for this! He had girdled himself about with perils,
+agonies of mind, innumerable fears, for this! He had hidden his secret
+in the wood; pressed and stamped it down into the bloody ground; and
+here it started up when least expected, miles upon miles away; known to
+many; proclaiming itself from the lips of an old man who had renewed his
+strength and vigour as by a miracle, to give it voice against him!
+
+He leaned his hand on the back of a chair, and looked at them. It was
+in vain to try to do so scornfully, or with his usual insolence. He
+required the chair for his support. But he made a struggle for it.
+
+'I know that fellow,' he said, fetching his breath at every word, and
+pointing his trembling finger towards Lewsome. 'He's the greatest liar
+alive. What's his last tale? Ha, ha! You're rare fellows, too! Why, that
+uncle of mine is childish; he's even a greater child than his brother,
+my father, was, in his old age; or than Chuffey is. What the devil do
+you mean,' he added, looking fiercely at John Westlock and Mark Tapley
+(the latter had entered with Lewsome), 'by coming here, and bringing
+two idiots and a knave with you to take my house by storm? Hallo, there!
+Open the door! Turn these strangers out!'
+
+'I tell you what,' cried Mr Tapley, coming forward, 'if it wasn't
+for your name, I'd drag you through the streets of my own accord, and
+single-handed I would! Ah, I would! Don't try and look bold at me.
+You can't do it! Now go on, sir,' this was to old Martin. 'Bring the
+murderin' wagabond upon his knees! If he wants noise, he shall have
+enough of it; for as sure as he's a shiverin' from head to foot I'll
+raise a uproar at this winder that shall bring half London in. Go on,
+sir! Let him try me once, and see whether I'm a man of my word or not.'
+
+With that, Mark folded his arms, and took his seat upon the
+window-ledge, with an air of general preparation for anything, which
+seemed to imply that he was equally ready to jump out himself, or to
+throw Jonas out, upon receiving the slightest hint that it would be
+agreeable to the company.
+
+Old Martin turned to Lewsome:
+
+'This is the man,' he said, extending his hand towards Jonas. 'Is it?'
+
+'You need do no more than look at him to be sure of that, or of the
+truth of what I have said,' was the reply. 'He is my witness.'
+
+'Oh, brother!' cried old Martin, clasping his hands and lifting up his
+eyes. 'Oh, brother, brother! Were we strangers half our lives that you
+might breed a wretch like this, and I make life a desert by withering
+every flower that grew about me! Is it the natural end of your precepts
+and mine, that this should be the creature of your rearing, training,
+teaching, hoarding, striving for; and I the means of bringing him to
+punishment, when nothing can repair the wasted past!'
+
+He sat down upon a chair as he spoke, and turning away his face, was
+silent for a few moments. Then with recovered energy he proceeded:
+
+'But the accursed harvest of our mistaken lives shall be trodden down.
+It is not too late for that. You are confronted with this man, you
+monster there; not to be spared, but to be dealt with justly. Hear what
+he says! Reply, be silent, contradict, repeat, defy, do what you please.
+My course will be the same. Go on! And you,' he said to Chuffey, 'for
+the love of your old friend, speak out, good fellow!'
+
+'I have been silent for his love!' cried the old man. 'He urged me to
+it. He made me promise it upon his dying bed. I never would have spoken,
+but for your finding out so much. I have thought about it ever since;
+I couldn't help that; and sometimes I have had it all before me in
+a dream; but in the day-time, not in sleep. Is there such a kind of
+dream?' said Chuffey, looking anxiously in old Martin's face.
+
+As Martin made him an encouraging reply, he listened attentively to his
+voice, and smiled.
+
+'Ah, aye!' he cried. 'He often spoke to me like that. We were at school
+together, he and I. I couldn't turn against his son, you know--his only
+son, Mr Chuzzlewit!'
+
+'I would to Heaven you had been his son!' said Martin.
+
+'You speak so like my dear old master,' cried the old man with a
+childish delight, 'that I almost think I hear him. I can hear you quite
+as well as I used to hear him. It makes me young again. He never spoke
+unkindly to me, and I always understood him. I could always see him too,
+though my sight was dim. Well, well! He's dead, he's dead. He was very
+good to me, my dear old master!'
+
+He shook his head mournfully over the brother's hand. At this moment
+Mark, who had been glancing out of the window, left the room.
+
+'I couldn't turn against his only son, you know,' said Chuffey. 'He has
+nearly driven me to do it sometimes; he very nearly did tonight. Ah!'
+cried the old man, with a sudden recollection of the cause. 'Where is
+she? She's not come home!'
+
+'Do you mean his wife?' said Mr Chuzzlewit.
+
+'Yes.'
+
+'I have removed her. She is in my care, and will be spared the present
+knowledge of what is passing here. She has known misery enough, without
+that addition.'
+
+Jonas heard this with a sinking heart. He knew that they were on his
+heels, and felt that they were resolute to run him to destruction. Inch
+by inch the ground beneath him was sliding from his feet; faster and
+faster the encircling ruin contracted and contracted towards himself,
+its wicked centre, until it should close in and crush him.
+
+And now he heard the voice of his accomplice stating to his face,
+with every circumstance of time and place and incident; and openly
+proclaiming, with no reserve, suppression, passion, or concealment; all
+the truth. The truth, which nothing would keep down; which blood
+would not smother, and earth would not hide; the truth, whose terrible
+inspiration seemed to change dotards into strong men; and on whose
+avenging wings, one whom he had supposed to be at the extremest corner
+of the earth came swooping down upon him.
+
+He tried to deny it, but his tongue would not move. He conceived some
+desperate thought of rushing away, and tearing through the streets; but
+his limbs would as little answer to his will as his stark, stiff staring
+face. All this time the voice went slowly on, denouncing him. It was as
+if every drop of blood in the wood had found a voice to jeer him with.
+
+When it ceased, another voice took up the tale, but strangely; for the
+old clerk, who had watched, and listened to the whole, and had wrung his
+hands from time to time, as if he knew its truth and could confirm it,
+broke in with these words:
+
+'No, no, no! you're wrong; you're wrong--all wrong together! Have
+patience, for the truth is only known to me!'
+
+'How can that be,' said his old master's brother, 'after what you have
+heard? Besides, you said just now, above-stairs, when I told you of the
+accusation against him, that you knew he was his father's murderer.'
+
+'Aye, yes! and so he was!' cried Chuffey, wildly. 'But not as you
+suppose--not as you suppose. Stay! Give me a moment's time. I have
+it all here--all here! It was foul, foul, cruel, bad; but not as you
+suppose. Stay, stay!'
+
+He put his hands up to his head, as if it throbbed or pained him. After
+looking about him in a wandering and vacant manner for some moments, his
+eyes rested upon Jonas, when they kindled up with sudden recollection
+and intelligence.
+
+'Yes!' cried old Chuffey, 'yes! That's how it was. It's all upon me now.
+He--he got up from his bed before he died, to be sure, to say that he
+forgave him; and he came down with me into this room; and when he saw
+him--his only son, the son he loved--his speech forsook him; he had
+no speech for what he knew--and no one understood him except me. But I
+did--I did!'
+
+Old Martin regarded him in amazement; so did his companions. Mrs Gamp,
+who had said nothing yet; but had kept two-thirds of herself behind the
+door, ready for escape, and one-third in the room, ready for siding with
+the strongest party; came a little further in and remarked, with a sob,
+that Mr Chuffey was 'the sweetest old creetur goin'.'
+
+'He bought the stuff,' said Chuffey, stretching out his arm towards
+Jonas while an unwonted fire shone in his eye, and lightened up his
+face; 'he bought the stuff, no doubt, as you have heard, and brought it
+home. He mixed the stuff--look at him!--with some sweetmeat in a jar,
+exactly as the medicine for his father's cough was mixed, and put it
+in a drawer; in that drawer yonder in the desk; he knows which drawer
+I mean! He kept it there locked up. But his courage failed him or his
+heart was touched--my God! I hope it was his heart! He was his only
+son!--and he did not put it in the usual place, where my old master
+would have taken it twenty times a day.'
+
+The trembling figure of the old man shook with the strong emotions that
+possessed him. But, with the same light in his eye, and with his arm
+outstretched, and with his grey hair stirring on his head, he seemed to
+grow in size, and was like a man inspired. Jonas shrunk from looking at
+him, and cowered down into the chair by which he had held. It seemed as
+if this tremendous Truth could make the dumb speak.
+
+'I know it every word now!' cried Chuffey. 'Every word! He put it in
+that drawer, as I have said. He went so often there, and was so secret,
+that his father took notice of it; and when he was out, had it opened.
+We were there together, and we found the mixture--Mr Chuzzlewit and I.
+He took it into his possession, and made light of it at the time; but in
+the night he came to my bedside, weeping, and told me that his own son
+had it in his mind to poison him. "Oh, Chuff," he said, "oh, dear old
+Chuff! a voice came into my room to-night, and told me that this crime
+began with me. It began when I taught him to be too covetous of what I
+have to leave, and made the expectation of it his great business!" Those
+were his words; aye, they are his very words! If he was a hard man now
+and then, it was for his only son. He loved his only son, and he was
+always good to me!'
+
+Jonas listened with increased attention. Hope was breaking in upon him.
+
+'"He shall not weary for my death, Chuff;" that was what he said next,'
+pursued the old clerk, as he wiped his eyes; 'that was what he said
+next, crying like a little child: "He shall not weary for my death,
+Chuff. He shall have it now; he shall marry where he has a fancy, Chuff,
+although it don't please me; and you and I will go away and live upon a
+little. I always loved him; perhaps he'll love me then. It's a dreadful
+thing to have my own child thirsting for my death. But I might have
+known it. I have sown, and I must reap. He shall believe that I am
+taking this; and when I see that he is sorry, and has all he wants, I'll
+tell him that I found it out, and I'll forgive him. He'll make a better
+man of his own son, and be a better man himself, perhaps, Chuff!"'
+
+Poor Chuffey paused to dry his eyes again. Old Martin's face was hidden
+in his hands. Jonas listened still more keenly, and his breast heaved
+like a swollen water, but with hope. With growing hope.
+
+'My dear old master made believe next day,' said Chuffey, 'that he had
+opened the drawer by mistake with a key from the bunch, which happened
+to fit it (we had one made and hung upon it); and that he had been
+surprised to find his fresh supply of cough medicine in such a place,
+but supposed it had been put there in a hurry when the drawer stood
+open. We burnt it; but his son believed that he was taking it--he knows
+he did. Once Mr Chuzzlewit, to try him, took heart to say it had a
+strange taste; and he got up directly, and went out.'
+
+Jonas gave a short, dry cough; and, changing his position for an easier
+one, folded his arms without looking at them, though they could now see
+his face.
+
+'Mr Chuzzlewit wrote to her father; I mean the father of the poor thing
+who's his wife,' said Chuffey; 'and got him to come up, intending to
+hasten on the marriage. But his mind, like mine, went a little wrong
+through grief, and then his heart broke. He sank and altered from the
+time when he came to me in the night; and never held up his head again.
+It was only a few days, but he had never changed so much in twice the
+years. "Spare him, Chuff!" he said, before he died. They were the only
+words he could speak. "Spare him, Chuff!" I promised him I would. I've
+tried to do it. He's his only son.'
+
+On his recollection of the last scene in his old friend's life, poor
+Chuffey's voice, which had grown weaker and weaker, quite deserted him.
+Making a motion with his hand, as if he would have said that Anthony had
+taken it, and had died with it in his, he retreated to the corner where
+he usually concealed his sorrows; and was silent.
+
+Jonas could look at his company now, and vauntingly too. 'Well!' he
+said, after a pause. 'Are you satisfied? or have you any more of your
+plots to broach? Why that fellow, Lewsome, can invent 'em for you by the
+score. Is this all? Have you nothing else?'
+
+Old Martin looked at him steadily.
+
+'Whether you are what you seemed to be at Pecksniff's, or are something
+else and a mountebank, I don't know and I don't care,' said Jonas,
+looking downward with a smile, 'but I don't want you here. You were here
+so often when your brother was alive, and were always so fond of him
+(your dear, dear brother, and you would have been cuffing one another
+before this, ecod!), that I am not surprised at your being attached to
+the place; but the place is not attached to you, and you can't leave it
+too soon, though you may leave it too late. And for my wife, old man,
+send her home straight, or it will be the worse for her. Ha, ha! You
+carry it with a high hand, too! But it isn't hanging yet for a man to
+keep a penn'orth of poison for his own purposes, and have it taken from
+him by two old crazy jolter-heads who go and act a play about it. Ha,
+ha! Do you see the door?'
+
+His base triumph, struggling with his cowardice, and shame, and guilt,
+was so detestable, that they turned away from him, as if he were some
+obscene and filthy animal, repugnant to the sight. And here that last
+black crime was busy with him too; working within him to his perdition.
+But for that, the old clerk's story might have touched him, though never
+so lightly; but for that, the sudden removal of so great a load might
+have brought about some wholesome change even in him. With that deed
+done, however; with that unnecessary wasteful danger haunting him;
+despair was in his very triumph and relief; wild, ungovernable, raging
+despair, for the uselessness of the peril into which he had plunged;
+despair that hardened him and maddened him, and set his teeth a-grinding
+in a moment of his exultation.
+
+'My good friend!' said old Martin, laying his hand on Chuffey's sleeve.
+'This is no place for you to remain in. Come with me.'
+
+'Just his old way!' cried Chuffey, looking up into his face. 'I almost
+believe it's Mr Chuzzlewit alive again. Yes! Take me with you! Stay,
+though, stay.'
+
+'For what?' asked old Martin.
+
+'I can't leave her, poor thing!' said Chuffey. 'She has been very good
+to me. I can't leave her, Mr Chuzzlewit. Thank you kindly. I'll remain
+here. I haven't long to remain; it's no great matter.'
+
+As he meekly shook his poor, grey head, and thanked old Martin in these
+words, Mrs Gamp, now entirely in the room, was affected to tears.
+
+'The mercy as it is!' she said, 'as sech a dear, good, reverend creetur
+never got into the clutches of Betsey Prig, which but for me he would
+have done, undoubted; facts bein' stubborn and not easy drove!'
+
+'You heard me speak to you just now, old man,' said Jonas to his uncle.
+'I'll have no more tampering with my people, man or woman. Do you see
+the door?'
+
+'Do YOU see the door?' returned the voice of Mark, coming from that
+direction. 'Look at it!'
+
+He looked, and his gaze was nailed there. Fatal, ill-omened blighted
+threshold, cursed by his father's footsteps in his dying hour, cursed by
+his young wife's sorrowing tread, cursed by the daily shadow of the old
+clerk's figure, cursed by the crossing of his murderer's feet--what men
+were standing in the door way!
+
+Nadgett foremost.
+
+Hark! It came on, roaring like a sea! Hawkers burst into the street,
+crying it up and down; windows were thrown open that the inhabitants
+might hear it; people stopped to listen in the road and on the pavement;
+the bells, the same bells, began to ring; tumbling over one another in a
+dance of boisterous joy at the discovery (that was the sound they had in
+his distempered thoughts), and making their airy play-ground rock.
+
+'That is the man,' said Nadgett. 'By the window!'
+
+Three others came in, laid hands upon him, and secured him. It was so
+quickly done, that he had not lost sight of the informer's face for an
+instant when his wrists were manacled together.
+
+'Murder,' said Nadgett, looking round on the astonished group. 'Let no
+one interfere.'
+
+The sounding street repeated Murder; barbarous and dreadful Murder.
+Murder, Murder, Murder. Rolling on from house to house, and echoing from
+stone to stone, until the voices died away into the distant hum, which
+seemed to mutter the same word!
+
+They all stood silent: listening, and gazing in each other's faces, as
+the noise passed on.
+
+Old Martin was the first to speak. 'What terrible history is this?' he
+demanded.
+
+'Ask HIM,' said Nadgett. 'You're his friend, sir. He can tell you, if he
+will. He knows more of it than I do, though I know much.'
+
+'How do you know much?'
+
+'I have not been watching him so long for nothing,' returned Nadgett. 'I
+never watched a man so close as I have watched him.'
+
+Another of the phantom forms of this terrific Truth! Another of the many
+shapes in which it started up about him, out of vacancy. This man, of
+all men in the world, a spy upon him; this man, changing his identity;
+casting off his shrinking, purblind, unobservant character, and
+springing up into a watchful enemy! The dead man might have come out of
+his grave, and not confounded and appalled him more.
+
+The game was up. The race was at an end; the rope was woven for his
+neck. If, by a miracle, he could escape from this strait, he had but to
+turn his face another way, no matter where, and there would rise some
+new avenger front to front with him; some infant in an hour grown old,
+or old man in an hour grown young, or blind man with his sight restored,
+or deaf man with his hearing given him. There was no chance. He sank
+down in a heap against the wall, and never hoped again from that moment.
+
+'I am not his friend, although I have the honour to be his relative,'
+said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'You may speak to me. Where have you watched, and
+what have you seen?'
+
+'I have watched in many places,' returned Nadgett, 'night and day. I
+have watched him lately, almost without rest or relief;' his anxious
+face and bloodshot eyes confirmed it. 'I little thought to what my
+watching was to lead. As little as he did when he slipped out in the
+night, dressed in those clothes which he afterwards sunk in a bundle at
+London Bridge!'
+
+Jonas moved upon the ground like a man in bodily torture. He uttered a
+suppressed groan, as if he had been wounded by some cruel weapon; and
+plucked at the iron band upon his wrists, as though (his hands being
+free) he would have torn himself.
+
+'Steady, kinsman!' said the chief officer of the party. 'Don't be
+violent.'
+
+'Whom do you call kinsman?' asked old Martin sternly.
+
+'You,' said the man, 'among others.'
+
+Martin turned his scrutinizing gaze upon him. He was sitting lazily
+across a chair with his arms resting on the back; eating nuts, and
+throwing the shells out of window as he cracked them, which he still
+continued to do while speaking.
+
+'Aye,' he said, with a sulky nod. 'You may deny your nephews till you
+die; but Chevy Slyme is Chevy Slyme still, all the world over. Perhaps
+even you may feel it some disgrace to your own blood to be employed in
+this way. I'm to be bought off.'
+
+'At every turn!' cried Martin. 'Self, self, self. Every one among them
+for himself!'
+
+'You had better save one or two among them the trouble then and be for
+them as well as YOURself,' replied his nephew. 'Look here at me! Can you
+see the man of your family who has more talent in his little finger than
+all the rest in their united brains, dressed as a police officer without
+being ashamed? I took up with this trade on purpose to shame you. I
+didn't think I should have to make a capture in the family, though.'
+
+'If your debauchery, and that of your chosen friends, has really brought
+you to this level,' returned the old man, 'keep it. You are living
+honestly, I hope, and that's something.'
+
+'Don't be hard upon my chosen friends,' returned Slyme, 'for they were
+sometimes your chosen friends too. Don't say you never employed my
+friend Tigg, for I know better. We quarrelled upon it.'
+
+'I hired the fellow,' retorted Mr Chuzzlewit, 'and I paid him.'
+
+'It's well you paid him,' said his nephew, 'for it would be too late to
+do so now. He has given his receipt in full; or had it forced from him
+rather.'
+
+The old man looked at him as if he were curious to know what he meant,
+but scorned to prolong the conversation.
+
+'I have always expected that he and I would be brought together again in
+the course of business,' said Slyme, taking a fresh handful of nuts from
+his pocket; 'but I thought he would be wanted for some swindling job; it
+never entered my head that I should hold a warrant for the apprehension
+of his murderer.'
+
+'HIS murderer!' cried Mr Chuzzlewit, looking from one to another.
+
+'His or Mr Montague's,' said Nadgett. 'They are the same, I am told.
+I accuse him yonder of the murder of Mr Montague, who was found last
+night, killed, in a wood. You will ask me why I accuse him as you have
+already asked me how I know so much. I'll tell you. It can't remain a
+secret long.'
+
+The ruling passion of the man expressed itself even then, in the tone of
+regret in which he deplored the approaching publicity of what he knew.
+
+'I told you I had watched him,' he proceeded. 'I was instructed to do
+so by Mr Montague, in whose employment I have been for some time. We had
+our suspicions of him; and you know what they pointed at, for you have
+been discussing it since we have been waiting here, outside the room. If
+you care to hear, now it's all over, in what our suspicions began, I'll
+tell you plainly: in a quarrel (it first came to our ears through a hint
+of his own) between him and another office in which his father's life
+was insured, and which had so much doubt and distrust upon the subject,
+that he compounded with them, and took half the money; and was glad to
+do it. Bit by bit, I ferreted out more circumstances against him, and
+not a few. It required a little patience, but it's my calling. I found
+the nurse--here she is to confirm me; I found the doctor, I found
+the undertaker, I found the undertaker's man. I found out how the old
+gentleman there, Mr Chuffey, had behaved at the funeral; and I found out
+what this man,' touching Lewsome on the arm, 'had talked about in his
+fever. I found out how he conducted himself before his father's death,
+and how since and how at the time; and writing it all down, and putting
+it carefully together, made case enough for Mr Montague to tax him
+with the crime, which (as he himself believed until to-night) he had
+committed. I was by when this was done. You see him now. He is only
+worse than he was then.'
+
+Oh, miserable, miserable fool! oh, insupportable, excruciating torture!
+To find alive and active--a party to it all--the brain and right-hand
+of the secret he had thought to crush! In whom, though he had walled the
+murdered man up, by enchantment in a rock, the story would have lived
+and walked abroad! He tried to stop his ears with his fettered arms,
+that he might shut out the rest.
+
+As he crouched upon the floor, they drew away from him as if a
+pestilence were in his breath. They fell off, one by one, from that part
+of the room, leaving him alone upon the ground. Even those who had him
+in their keeping shunned him, and (with the exception of Slyme, who was
+still occupied with his nuts) kept apart.
+
+'From that garret-window opposite,' said Nadgett, pointing across the
+narrow street, 'I have watched this house and him for days and nights.
+From that garret-window opposite I saw him return home, alone, from a
+journey on which he had set out with Mr Montague. That was my token that
+Mr Montague's end was gained; and I might rest easy on my watch, though
+I was not to leave it until he dismissed me. But, standing at the door
+opposite, after dark that same night, I saw a countryman steal out of
+this house, by a side-door in the court, who had never entered it.
+I knew his walk, and that it was himself, disguised. I followed him
+immediately. I lost him on the western road, still travelling westward.'
+
+Jonas looked up at him for an instant, and muttered an oath.
+
+'I could not comprehend what this meant,' said Nadgett; 'but, having
+seen so much, I resolved to see it out, and through. And I did.
+Learning, on inquiry at his house from his wife, that he was supposed
+to be sleeping in the room from which I had seen him go out, and that he
+had given strict orders not to be disturbed, I knew that he was
+coming back; and for his coming back I watched. I kept my watch in
+the street--in doorways, and such places--all that night; at the same
+window, all next day; and when night came on again, in the street once
+more. For I knew he would come back, as he had gone out, when this part
+of the town was empty. He did. Early in the morning, the same countryman
+came creeping, creeping, creeping home.'
+
+'Look sharp!' interposed Slyme, who had now finished his nuts. 'This is
+quite irregular, Mr Nadgett.'
+
+'I kept at the window all day,' said Nadgett, without heeding him.
+'I think I never closed my eyes. At night, I saw him come out with a
+bundle. I followed him again. He went down the steps at London Bridge,
+and sunk it in the river. I now began to entertain some serious fears,
+and made a communication to the Police, which caused that bundle to
+be--'
+
+'To be fished up,' interrupted Slyme. 'Be alive, Mr Nadgett.'
+
+'It contained the dress I had seen him wear,' said Nadgett; 'stained
+with clay, and spotted with blood. Information of the murder was
+received in town last night. The wearer of that dress is already
+known to have been seen near the place; to have been lurking in that
+neighbourhood; and to have alighted from a coach coming from that part
+of the country, at a time exactly tallying with the very minute when
+I saw him returning home. The warrant has been out, and these officers
+have been with me, some hours. We chose our time; and seeing you come
+in, and seeing this person at the window--'
+
+'Beckoned to him,' said Mark, taking up the thread of the narrative, on
+hearing this allusion to himself, 'to open the door; which he did with a
+deal of pleasure.'
+
+'That's all at present,' said Nadgett, putting up his great pocketbook,
+which from mere habit he had produced when he began his revelation, and
+had kept in his hand all the time; 'but there is plenty more to come.
+You asked me for the facts, so far I have related them, and need not
+detain these gentlemen any longer. Are you ready, Mr Slyme?'
+
+'And something more,' replied that worthy, rising. 'If you walk round to
+the office, we shall be there as soon as you. Tom! Get a coach!'
+
+The officer to whom he spoke departed for that purpose. Old Martin
+lingered for a few moments, as if he would have addressed some words
+to Jonas; but looking round, and seeing him still seated on the floor,
+rocking himself in a savage manner to and fro, took Chuffey's arm, and
+slowly followed Nadgett out. John Westlock and Mark Tapley accompanied
+them. Mrs Gamp had tottered out first, for the better display of her
+feelings, in a kind of walking swoon; for Mrs Gamp performed swoons of
+different sorts, upon a moderate notice, as Mr Mould did Funerals.
+
+'Ha!' muttered Slyme, looking after them. 'Upon my soul! As insensible
+of being disgraced by having such a nephew as myself, in such a
+situation, as he was of my being an honour and a credit to the family!
+That's the return I get for having humbled my spirit--such a spirit as
+mine--to earn a livelihood, is it?'
+
+He got up from his chair, and kicked it away indignantly.
+
+'And such a livelihood too! When there are hundreds of men, not fit to
+hold a candle to me, rolling in carriages and living on their fortunes.
+Upon my soul it's a nice world!'
+
+His eyes encountered Jonas, who looked earnestly towards him, and moved
+his lips as if he were whispering.
+
+'Eh?' said Slyme.
+
+Jonas glanced at the attendant whose back was towards him, and made a
+clumsy motion with his bound hands towards the door.
+
+'Humph!' said Slyme, thoughtfully. 'I couldn't hope to disgrace him into
+anything when you have shot so far ahead of me though. I forgot that.'
+
+Jonas repeated the same look and gesture.
+
+'Jack!' said Slyme.
+
+'Hallo!' returned his man.
+
+'Go down to the door, ready for the coach. Call out when it comes. I'd
+rather have you there. Now then,' he added, turning hastily to Jonas,
+when the man was gone. 'What's the matter?'
+
+Jonas essayed to rise.
+
+'Stop a bit,' said Slyme. 'It's not so easy when your wrists are tight
+together. Now then! Up! What is it?'
+
+'Put your hand in my pocket. Here! The breast pocket, on the left!' said
+Jonas.
+
+He did so; and drew out a purse.
+
+'There's a hundred pound in it,' said Jonas, whose words were almost
+unintelligible; as his face, in its pallor and agony, was scarcely
+human.
+
+Slyme looked at him; gave it into his hands; and shook his head.
+
+'I can't. I daren't. I couldn't if I dared. Those fellows below--'
+
+'Escape's impossible,' said Jonas. 'I know it. One hundred pound for
+only five minutes in the next room!'
+
+'What to do?' he asked.
+
+The face of his prisoner as he advanced to whisper in his ear, made him
+recoil involuntarily. But he stopped and listened to him. The words were
+few, but his own face changed as he heard them.
+
+'I have it about me,' said Jonas, putting his hands to his throat, as
+though whatever he referred to were hidden in his neckerchief. 'How
+should you know of it? How could you know? A hundred pound for only five
+minutes in the next room! The time's passing. Speak!'
+
+'It would be more--more creditable to the family,' observed Slyme, with
+trembling lips. 'I wish you hadn't told me half so much. Less would have
+served your purpose. You might have kept it to yourself.'
+
+'A hundred pound for only five minutes in the next room! Speak!' cried
+Jonas, desperately.
+
+He took the purse. Jonas, with a wild unsteady step, retreated to the
+door in the glass partition.
+
+'Stop!' cried Slyme, catching at his skirts. 'I don't know about this.
+Yet it must end so at last. Are you guilty?'
+
+'Yes!' said Jonas.
+
+'Are the proofs as they were told just now?'
+
+'Yes!' said Jonas.
+
+'Will you--will you engage to say a--a Prayer, now, or something of that
+sort?' faltered Slyme.
+
+Jonas broke from him without replying, and closed the door between them.
+
+Slyme listened at the keyhole. After that, he crept away on tiptoe, as
+far off as he could; and looked awfully towards the place. He was roused
+by the arrival of the coach, and their letting down the steps.
+
+'He's getting a few things together,' he said, leaning out of window,
+and speaking to the two men below, who stood in the full light of a
+street-lamp. 'Keep your eye upon the back, one of you, for form's sake.'
+
+One of the men withdrew into the court. The other, seating himself self
+on the steps of the coach, remained in conversation with Slyme at the
+window who perhaps had risen to be his superior, in virtue of his old
+propensity (one so much lauded by the murdered man) of being always
+round the corner. A useful habit in his present calling.
+
+'Where is he?' asked the man.
+
+Slyme looked into the room for an instant and gave his head a jerk as
+much as to say, 'Close at hand. I see him.'
+
+'He's booked,' observed the man.
+
+'Through,' said Slyme.
+
+They looked at each other, and up and down the street. The man on
+the coach-steps took his hat off, and put it on again, and whistled a
+little.
+
+'I say! He's taking his time!' he remonstrated.
+
+'I allowed him five minutes,' said Slyme. 'Time's more than up, though.
+I'll bring him down.'
+
+He withdrew from the window accordingly, and walked on tiptoe to the
+door in the partition. He listened. There was not a sound within. He set
+the candles near it, that they might shine through the glass.
+
+It was not easy, he found, to make up his mind to the opening of
+the door. But he flung it wide open suddenly, and with a noise; then
+retreated. After peeping in and listening again, he entered.
+
+He started back as his eyes met those of Jonas, standing in an angle of
+the wall, and staring at him. His neckerchief was off; his face was ashy
+pale.
+
+'You're too soon,' said Jonas, with an abject whimper. 'I've not had
+time. I have not been able to do it. I--five minutes more--two minutes
+more!--only one!'
+
+Slyme gave him no reply, but thrusting the purse upon him and forcing it
+back into his pocket, called up his men.
+
+He whined, and cried, and cursed, and entreated them, and struggled, and
+submitted, in the same breath, and had no power to stand. They got him
+away and into the coach, where they put him on a seat; but he soon fell
+moaning down among the straw at the bottom, and lay there.
+
+The two men were with him. Slyme being on the box with the driver; and
+they let him lie. Happening to pass a fruiterer's on their way; the door
+of which was open, though the shop was by this time shut; one of them
+remarked how faint the peaches smelled.
+
+The other assented at the moment, but presently stooped down in quick
+alarm, and looked at the prisoner.
+
+'Stop the coach! He has poisoned himself! The smell comes from this
+bottle in his hand!'
+
+The hand had shut upon it tight. With that rigidity of grasp with which
+no living man, in the full strength and energy of life, can clutch a
+prize he has won.
+
+They dragged him out into the dark street; but jury, judge, and hangman,
+could have done no more, and could do nothing now. Dead, dead, dead.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
+
+IN WHICH THE TABLES ARE TURNED, COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN
+
+
+Old Martin's cherished projects, so long hidden in his own breast, so
+frequently in danger of abrupt disclosure through the bursting forth
+of the indignation he had hoarded up during his residence with Mr
+Pecksniff, were retarded, but not beyond a few hours, by the occurrences
+just now related. Stunned, as he had been at first by the intelligence
+conveyed to him through Tom Pinch and John Westlock, of the supposed
+manner of his brother's death; overwhelmed as he was by the subsequent
+narratives of Chuffey and Nadgett, and the forging of that chain of
+circumstances ending in the death of Jonas, of which catastrophe he was
+immediately informed; scattered as his purposes and hopes were for the
+moment, by the crowding in of all these incidents between him and his
+end; still their very intensity and the tumult of their assemblage
+nerved him to the rapid and unyielding execution of his scheme. In every
+single circumstance, whether it were cruel, cowardly, or false, he
+saw the flowering of the same pregnant seed. Self; grasping, eager,
+narrow-ranging, overreaching self; with its long train of suspicions,
+lusts, deceits, and all their growing consequences; was the root of the
+vile tree. Mr Pecksniff had so presented his character before the old
+man's eyes, that he--the good, the tolerant, enduring Pecksniff--had
+become the incarnation of all selfishness and treachery; and the more
+odious the shapes in which those vices ranged themselves before him now,
+the sterner consolation he had in his design of setting Mr Pecksniff
+right and Mr Pecksniff's victims too.
+
+To this work he brought, not only the energy and determination natural
+to his character (which, as the reader may have observed in the
+beginning of his or her acquaintance with this gentleman, was remarkable
+for the strong development of those qualities), but all the forced and
+unnaturally nurtured energy consequent upon their long suppression. And
+these two tides of resolution setting into one and sweeping on, became
+so strong and vigorous, that, to prevent themselves from being carried
+away before it, Heaven knows where, was as much as John Westlock and
+Mark Tapley together (though they were tolerably energetic too) could
+manage to effect.
+
+He had sent for John Westlock immediately on his arrival; and John,
+under the conduct of Tom Pinch, had waited on him. Having a lively
+recollection of Mr Tapley, he had caused that gentleman's attendance to
+be secured, through John's means, without delay; and thus, as we have
+seen, they had all repaired together to the City. But his grandson he
+had refused to see until to-morrow, when Mr Tapley was instructed to
+summon him to the Temple at ten o'clock in the forenoon. Tom he would
+not allow to be employed in anything, lest he should be wrongfully
+suspected; but he was a party to all their proceedings, and was with
+them until late at night--until after they knew of the death of Jonas;
+when he went home to tell all these wonders to little Ruth, and to
+prepare her for accompanying him to the Temple in the morning, agreeably
+to Mr Chuzzlewit's particular injunction.
+
+It was characteristic of old Martin, and his looking on to something
+which he had distinctly before him, that he communicated to them nothing
+of his intentions, beyond such hints of reprisal on Mr Pecksniff as they
+gathered from the game he had played in that gentleman's house, and the
+brightening of his eyes whenever his name was mentioned. Even to John
+Westlock, in whom he was evidently disposed to place great confidence
+(which may indeed be said of every one of them), he gave no explanation
+whatever. He merely requested him to return in the morning; and with
+this for their utmost satisfaction, they left him, when the night was
+far advanced, alone.
+
+The events of such a day might have worn out the body and spirit of
+a much younger man than he, but he sat in deep and painful meditation
+until the morning was bright. Nor did he even then seek any prolonged
+repose, but merely slumbered in his chair, until seven o'clock, when Mr
+Tapley had appointed to come to him by his desire; and came--as fresh
+and clean and cheerful as the morning itself.
+
+'You are punctual,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, opening the door to him in reply
+to his light knock, which had roused him instantly.
+
+'My wishes, sir,' replied Mr Tapley, whose mind would appear from the
+context to have been running on the matrimonial service, 'is to love,
+honour, and obey. The clock's a-striking now, sir.'
+
+'Come in!'
+
+'Thank'ee, sir,' rejoined Mr Tapley, 'what could I do for you first,
+sir?'
+
+'You gave my message to Martin?' said the old man, bending his eyes upon
+him.
+
+'I did, sir,' returned Mark; 'and you never see a gentleman more
+surprised in all your born days than he was.'
+
+'What more did you tell him?' Mr Chuzzlewit inquired.
+
+'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, smiling, 'I should have liked to tell him a
+deal more, but not being able, sir, I didn't tell it him.'
+
+'You told him all you knew?'
+
+'But it was precious little, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley. 'There was very
+little respectin' you that I was able to tell him, sir. I only mentioned
+my opinion that Mr Pecksniff would find himself deceived, sir, and
+that you would find yourself deceived, and that he would find himself
+deceived, sir.'
+
+'In what?' asked Mr Chuzzlewit.
+
+'Meaning him, sir?'
+
+'Meaning both him and me.'
+
+'Well, sir,' said Mr Tapley. 'In your old opinions of each other. As
+to him, sir, and his opinions, I know he's a altered man. I know it.
+I know'd it long afore he spoke to you t'other day, and I must say it.
+Nobody don't know half as much of him as I do. Nobody can't. There
+was always a deal of good in him, but a little of it got crusted over,
+somehow. I can't say who rolled the paste of that 'ere crust myself,
+but--'
+
+'Go on,' said Martin. 'Why do you stop?'
+
+'But it--well! I beg your pardon, but I think it may have been you, sir.
+Unintentional I think it may have been you. I don't believe that neither
+of you gave the other quite a fair chance. There! Now I've got rid on
+it,' said Mr Tapley in a fit of desperation: 'I can't go a-carryin' it
+about in my own mind, bustin' myself with it; yesterday was quite long
+enough. It's out now. I can't help it. I'm sorry for it. Don't wisit on
+him, sir, that's all.'
+
+It was clear that Mark expected to be ordered out immediately, and was
+quite prepared to go.
+
+'So you think,' said Martin, 'that his old faults are, in some degree,
+of my creation, do you?'
+
+'Well, sir,' retorted Mr Tapley, 'I'm werry sorry, but I can't unsay it.
+It's hardly fair of you, sir, to make a ignorant man conwict himself in
+this way, but I DO think so. I am as respectful disposed to you, sir, as
+a man can be; but I DO think so.'
+
+The light of a faint smile seemed to break through the dull steadiness
+of Martin's face, as he looked attentively at him, without replying.
+
+'Yet you are an ignorant man, you say,' he observed after a long pause.
+
+'Werry much so,' Mr Tapley replied.
+
+'And I a learned, well-instructed man, you think?'
+
+'Likewise wery much so,' Mr Tapley answered.
+
+The old man, with his chin resting on his hand, paced the room twice or
+thrice before he added:
+
+'You have left him this morning?'
+
+'Come straight from him now, sir.'
+
+'For what does he suppose?'
+
+'He don't know what to suppose, sir, no more than myself. I told him
+jest wot passed yesterday, sir, and that you had said to me, "Can you be
+here by seven in the morning?" and that you had said to him, through me,
+"Can you be here by ten in the morning?" and that I had said "Yes" to
+both. That's all, sir.'
+
+His frankness was so genuine that it plainly WAS all.
+
+'Perhaps,' said Martin, 'he may think you are going to desert him, and
+to serve me?'
+
+'I have served him in that sort of way, sir,' replied Mark, without the
+loss of any atom of his self-possession; 'and we have been that sort of
+companions in misfortune, that my opinion is, he don't believe a word on
+it. No more than you do, sir.'
+
+'Will you help me to dress, and get me some breakfast from the hotel?'
+asked Martin.
+
+'With pleasure, sir,' said Mark.
+
+'And by-and-bye,' said Martin, 'remaining in the room, as I wish you to
+do, will you attend to the door yonder--give admission to visitors, I
+mean, when they knock?'
+
+'Certainly, sir,' said Mr Tapley.
+
+'You will not find it necessary to express surprise at their
+appearance,' Martin suggested.
+
+'Oh dear no, sir!' said Mr Tapley, 'not at all.'
+
+Although he pledged himself to this with perfect confidence, he was in a
+state of unbounded astonishment even now. Martin appeared to observe it,
+and to have some sense of the ludicrous bearing of Mr Tapley under these
+perplexing circumstances; for, in spite of the composure of his voice
+and the gravity of his face, the same indistinct light flickered on the
+latter several times. Mark bestirred himself, however, to execute the
+offices with which he was entrusted; and soon lost all tendency to any
+outward expression of his surprise, in the occupation of being brisk and
+busy.
+
+But when he had put Mr Chuzzlewit's clothes in good order for dressing,
+and when that gentleman was dressed and sitting at his breakfast,
+Mr Tapley's feelings of wonder began to return upon him with great
+violence; and, standing beside the old man with a napkin under his
+arm (it was as natural and easy to joke to Mark to be a butler in the
+Temple, as it had been to volunteer as cook on board the Screw), he
+found it difficult to resist the temptation of casting sidelong glances
+at him very often. Nay, he found it impossible; and accordingly yielded
+to this impulse so often, that Martin caught him in the fact some fifty
+times. The extraordinary things Mr Tapley did with his own face when
+any of these detections occurred; the sudden occasions he had to rub
+his eyes or his nose or his chin; the look of wisdom with which he
+immediately plunged into the deepest thought, or became intensely
+interested in the habits and customs of the flies upon the ceiling, or
+the sparrows out of doors; or the overwhelming politeness with which
+he endeavoured to hide his confusion by handing the muffin; may not
+unreasonably be assumed to have exercised the utmost power of feature
+that even Martin Chuzzlewit the elder possessed.
+
+But he sat perfectly quiet and took his breakfast at his leisure, or
+made a show of doing so, for he scarcely ate or drank, and frequently
+lapsed into long intervals of musing. When he had finished, Mark sat
+down to his breakfast at the same table; and Mr Chuzzlewit, quite silent
+still, walked up and down the room.
+
+Mark cleared away in due course, and set a chair out for him, in which,
+as the time drew on towards ten o'clock, he took his seat, leaning his
+hands upon his stick, and clenching them upon the handle, and resting
+his chin on them again. All his impatience and abstraction of manner had
+vanished now; and as he sat there, looking, with his keen eyes, steadily
+towards the door, Mark could not help thinking what a firm, square,
+powerful face it was; or exulting in the thought that Mr Pecksniff,
+after playing a pretty long game of bowls with its owner, seemed to be
+at last in a very fair way of coming in for a rubber or two.
+
+Mark's uncertainty in respect of what was going to be done or said, and
+by whom to whom, would have excited him in itself. But knowing for
+a certainty besides, that young Martin was coming, and in a very few
+minutes must arrive, he found it by no means easy to remain quiet and
+silent. But, excepting that he occasionally coughed in a hollow and
+unnatural manner to relieve himself, he behaved with great decorum
+through the longest ten minutes he had ever known.
+
+A knock at the door. Mr Westlock. Mr Tapley, in admitting him, raised
+his eyebrows to the highest possible pitch, implying thereby that he
+considered himself in an unsatisfactory position. Mr Chuzzlewit received
+him very courteously.
+
+Mark waited at the door for Tom Pinch and his sister, who were coming up
+the stairs. The old man went to meet them; took their hands in his;
+and kissed her on the cheek. As this looked promising, Mr Tapley smiled
+benignantly.
+
+Mr Chuzzlewit had resumed his chair before young Martin, who was close
+behind them, entered. The old man, scarcely looking at him, pointed to
+a distant seat. This was less encouraging; and Mr Tapley's spirits fell
+again.
+
+He was quickly summoned to the door by another knock. He did not start,
+or cry, or tumble down, at sight of Miss Graham and Mrs Lupin, but he
+drew a very long breath, and came back perfectly resigned, looking on
+them and on the rest with an expression which seemed to say that nothing
+could surprise him any more; and that he was rather glad to have done
+with that sensation for ever.
+
+The old man received Mary no less tenderly than he had received Tom
+Pinch's sister. A look of friendly recognition passed between himself
+and Mrs Lupin, which implied the existence of a perfect understanding
+between them. It engendered no astonishment in Mr Tapley; for, as he
+afterwards observed, he had retired from the business, and sold off the
+stock.
+
+Not the least curious feature in this assemblage was, that everybody
+present was so much surprised and embarrassed by the sight of everybody
+else, that nobody ventured to speak. Mr Chuzzlewit alone broke silence.
+
+'Set the door open, Mark!' he said; 'and come here.'
+
+Mark obeyed.
+
+The last appointed footstep sounded now upon the stairs. They all knew
+it. It was Mr Pecksniff's; and Mr Pecksniff was in a hurry too, for he
+came bounding up with such uncommon expedition that he stumbled twice or
+thrice.
+
+'Where is my venerable friend?' he cried upon the upper landing; and
+then with open arms came darting in.
+
+Old Martin merely looked at him; but Mr Pecksniff started back as if he
+had received the charge from an electric battery.
+
+'My venerable friend is well?' cried Mr Pecksniff.
+
+'Quite well.'
+
+It seemed to reassure the anxious inquirer. He clasped his hands and,
+looking upwards with a pious joy, silently expressed his gratitude.
+He then looked round on the assembled group, and shook his head
+reproachfully. For such a man severely, quite severely.
+
+'Oh, vermin!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Oh, bloodsuckers! Is it not enough
+that you have embittered the existence of an individual wholly
+unparalleled in the biographical records of amiable persons, but must
+you now, even now, when he has made his election, and reposed his trust
+in a Numble, but at least sincere and disinterested relative; must
+you now, vermin and swarmers (I regret to make use of these strong
+expressions, my dear sir, but there are times when honest indignation
+will not be controlled), must you now, vermin and swarmers (for I WILL
+repeat it), take advantage of his unprotected state, assemble round
+him from all quarters, as wolves and vultures, and other animals of
+the feathered tribe assemble round--I will not say round carrion or a
+carcass, for Mr Chuzzlewit is quite the contrary--but round their prey;
+their prey; to rifle and despoil; gorging their voracious maws, and
+staining their offensive beaks, with every description of carnivorous
+enjoyment!'
+
+As he stopped to fetch his breath, he waved them off, in a solemn
+manner, with his hand.
+
+'Horde of unnatural plunderers and robbers!' he continued; 'leave him!
+leave him, I say! Begone! Abscond! You had better be off! Wander over
+the face of the earth, young sirs, like vagabonds as you are, and do not
+presume to remain in a spot which is hallowed by the grey hairs of the
+patriarchal gentleman to whose tottering limbs I have the honour to act
+as an unworthy, but I hope an unassuming, prop and staff. And you, my
+tender sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, addressing himself in a tone of gentle
+remonstrance to the old man, 'how could you ever leave me, though even
+for this short period! You have absented yourself, I do not doubt, upon
+some act of kindness to me; bless you for it; but you must not do it;
+you must not be so venturesome. I should really be angry with you if I
+could, my friend!'
+
+He advanced with outstretched arms to take the old man's hand. But he
+had not seen how the hand clasped and clutched the stick within its
+grasp. As he came smiling on, and got within his reach, old Martin, with
+his burning indignation crowded into one vehement burst, and flashing
+out of every line and wrinkle in his face, rose up, and struck him down
+upon the ground.
+
+With such a well-directed nervous blow, that down he went, as heavily
+and true as if the charge of a Life-Guardsman had tumbled him out of a
+saddle. And whether he was stunned by the shock, or only confused by the
+wonder and novelty of this warm reception, he did not offer to get up
+again; but lay there, looking about him with a disconcerted meekness
+in his face so enormously ridiculous, that neither Mark Tapley nor John
+Westlock could repress a smile, though both were actively interposing to
+prevent a repetition of the blow; which the old man's gleaming eyes and
+vigorous attitude seemed to render one of the most probable events in
+the world.
+
+'Drag him away! Take him out of my reach!' said Martin; 'or I can't help
+it. The strong restraint I have put upon my hands has been enough to
+palsy them. I am not master of myself while he is within their range.
+Drag him away!'
+
+Seeing that he still did not rise, Mr Tapley, without any compromise
+about it, actually did drag him away, and stick him up on the floor,
+with his back against the opposite wall.
+
+'Hear me, rascal!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'I have summoned you here to
+witness your own work. I have summoned you here to witness it, because
+I know it will be gall and wormwood to you! I have summoned you here to
+witness it, because I know the sight of everybody here must be a dagger
+in your mean, false heart! What! do you know me as I am, at last!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff had cause to stare at him, for the triumph in his face and
+speech and figure was a sight to stare at.
+
+'Look there!' said the old man, pointing at him, and appealing to the
+rest. 'Look there! And then--come hither, my dear Martin--look here!
+here! here!' At every repetition of the word he pressed his grandson
+closer to his breast.
+
+'The passion I felt, Martin, when I dared not do this,' he said, 'was
+in the blow I struck just now. Why did we ever part! How could we ever
+part! How could you ever fly from me to him!'
+
+Martin was about to answer, but he stopped him, and went on.
+
+'The fault was mine no less than yours. Mark has told me so today, and
+I have known it long; though not so long as I might have done. Mary, my
+love, come here.'
+
+As she trembled and was very pale, he sat her in his own chair, and
+stood beside it with her hand in his; and Martin standing by him.
+
+'The curse of our house,' said the old man, looking kindly down upon
+her, 'has been the love of self; has ever been the love of self. How
+often have I said so, when I never knew that I had wrought it upon
+others.'
+
+He drew one hand through Martin's arm, and standing so, between them,
+proceeded thus:
+
+'You all know how I bred this orphan up, to tend me. None of you can
+know by what degrees I have come to regard her as a daughter; for
+she has won upon me, by her self-forgetfulness, her tenderness, her
+patience, all the goodness of her nature, when Heaven is her witness
+that I took but little pains to draw it forth. It blossomed without
+cultivation, and it ripened without heat. I cannot find it in my heart
+to say that I am sorry for it now, or yonder fellow might be holding up
+his head.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff put his hand into his waistcoat, and slightly shook that
+part of him to which allusion had been made; as if to signify that it
+was still uppermost.
+
+'There is a kind of selfishness,' said Martin--'I have learned it in my
+own experience of my own breast--which is constantly upon the watch for
+selfishness in others; and holding others at a distance, by suspicions
+and distrusts, wonders why they don't approach, and don't confide, and
+calls that selfishness in them. Thus I once doubted those about me--not
+without reason in the beginning--and thus I once doubted you, Martin.'
+
+'Not without reason,' Martin answered, 'either.'
+
+'Listen, hypocrite! Listen, smooth-tongued, servile, crawling knave!'
+said Martin. 'Listen, you shallow dog. What! When I was seeking him, you
+had already spread your nets; you were already fishing for him, were ye?
+When I lay ill in this good woman's house and your meek spirit pleaded
+for my grandson, you had already caught him, had ye? Counting on the
+restoration of the love you knew I bore him, you designed him for one
+of your two daughters did ye? Or failing that, you traded in him as a
+speculation which at any rate should blind me with the lustre of your
+charity, and found a claim upon me! Why, even then I knew you, and I
+told you so. Did I tell you that I knew you, even then?'
+
+'I am not angry, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, softly. 'I can bear a great
+deal from you. I will never contradict you, Mr Chuzzlewit.'
+
+'Observe!' said Martin, looking round. 'I put myself in that man's
+hands on terms as mean and base, and as degrading to himself, as I could
+render them in words. I stated them at length to him, before his own
+children, syllable by syllable, as coarsely as I could, and with as much
+offence, and with as plain an exposition of my contempt, as words--not
+looks and manner merely--could convey. If I had only called the angry
+blood into his face, I would have wavered in my purpose. If I had only
+stung him into being a man for a minute I would have abandoned it. If he
+had offered me one word of remonstrance, in favour of the grandson whom
+he supposed I had disinherited; if he had pleaded with me, though never
+so faintly, against my appeal to him to abandon him to misery and
+cast him from his house; I think I could have borne with him for ever
+afterwards. But not a word, not a word. Pandering to the worst of human
+passions was the office of his nature; and faithfully he did his work!'
+
+'I am not angry,' observed Mr Pecksniff. 'I am hurt, Mr Chuzzlewit;
+wounded in my feelings; but I am not angry, my good sir.'
+
+Mr Chuzzlewit resumed.
+
+'Once resolved to try him, I was resolute to pursue the trial to the
+end; but while I was bent on fathoming the depth of his duplicity, I
+made a sacred compact with myself that I would give him credit on the
+other side for any latent spark of goodness, honour, forbearance--any
+virtue--that might glimmer in him. For first to last there has been no
+such thing. Not once. He cannot say I have not given him opportunity.
+He cannot say I have ever led him on. He cannot say I have not left
+him freely to himself in all things; or that I have not been a passive
+instrument in his hands, which he might have used for good as easily as
+evil. Or if he can, he Lies! And that's his nature, too.'
+
+'Mr Chuzzlewit,' interrupted Pecksniff, shedding tears. 'I am not angry,
+sir. I cannot be angry with you. But did you never, my dear sir,
+express a desire that the unnatural young man who by his wicked arts has
+estranged your good opinion from me, for the time being; only for the
+time being; that your grandson, Mr Chuzzlewit, should be dismissed my
+house? Recollect yourself, my Christian friend.'
+
+'I have said so, have I not?' retorted the old man, sternly. 'I could
+not tell how far your specious hypocrisy had deceived him, knave; and
+knew no better way of opening his eyes than by presenting you before him
+in your own servile character. Yes. I did express that desire. And you
+leaped to meet it; and you met it; and turning in an instant on the
+hand you had licked and beslavered, as only such hounds can, you
+strengthened, and confirmed, and justified me in my scheme.'
+
+Mr Pecksniff made a bow; a submissive, not to say a grovelling and an
+abject bow. If he had been complimented on his practice of the loftiest
+virtues, he never could have bowed as he bowed then.
+
+'The wretched man who has been murdered,' Mr Chuzzlewit went on to say;
+'then passing by the name of--'
+
+'Tigg,' suggested Mark.
+
+'Of Tigg; brought begging messages to me on behalf of a friend of his,
+and an unworthy relative of mine; and finding him a man well enough
+suited to my purpose, I employed him to glean some news of you, Martin,
+for me. It was from him I learned that you had taken up your abode with
+yonder fellow. It was he, who meeting you here in town, one evening--you
+remember where?'
+
+'At the pawnbroker's shop,' said Martin.
+
+'Yes; watched you to your lodging, and enabled me to send you a
+bank-note.'
+
+'I little thought,' said Martin, greatly moved, 'that it had come from
+you; I little thought that you were interested in my fate. If I had--'
+
+'If you had,' returned the old man, sorrowfully, 'you would have shown
+less knowledge of me as I seemed to be, and as I really was. I hoped to
+bring you back, Martin, penitent and humbled. I hoped to distress you
+into coming back to me. Much as I loved you, I had that to acknowledge
+which I could not reconcile it to myself to avow, then, unless you
+made submission to me first. Thus it was I lost you. If I have had,
+indirectly, any act or part in the fate of that unhappy man, by putting
+means, however small, within his reach, Heaven forgive me! I might have
+known, perhaps, that he would misuse money; that it was ill-bestowed
+upon him; and that sown by his hands it could engender mischief only.
+But I never thought of him at that time as having the disposition or
+ability to be a serious impostor, or otherwise than as a thoughtless,
+idle-humoured, dissipated spendthrift, sinning more against himself than
+others, and frequenting low haunts and indulging vicious tastes, to his
+own ruin only.'
+
+'Beggin' your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, who had Mrs Lupin on his
+arm by this time, quite agreeably; 'if I may make so bold as say so, my
+opinion is, as you was quite correct, and that he turned out perfectly
+nat'ral for all that. There's surprisin' number of men sir, who as long
+as they've only got their own shoes and stockings to depend upon, will
+walk down hill, along the gutters quiet enough and by themselves, and
+not do much harm. But set any on 'em up with a coach and horses, sir;
+and it's wonderful what a knowledge of drivin' he'll show, and how he'll
+fill his wehicle with passengers, and start off in the middle of the
+road, neck or nothing, to the Devil! Bless your heart, sir, there's ever
+so many Tiggs a-passin' this here Temple-gate any hour in the day, that
+only want a chance to turn out full-blown Montagues every one!'
+
+'Your ignorance, as you call it, Mark,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'is wiser
+than some men's enlightenment, and mine among them. You are right; not
+for the first time to-day. Now hear me out, my dears. And hear me, you,
+who, if what I have been told be accurately stated, are Bankrupt in
+pocket no less than in good name! And when you have heard me, leave this
+place, and poison my sight no more!'
+
+Mr Pecksniff laid his hand upon his breast, and bowed again.
+
+'The penance I have done in this house,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'has earned
+this reflection with it constantly, above all others. That if it had
+pleased Heaven to visit such infirmity on my old age as really had
+reduced me to the state in which I feigned to be, I should have brought
+its misery upon myself. Oh, you whose wealth, like mine, has been a
+source of continual unhappiness, leading you to distrust the nearest and
+dearest, and to dig yourself a living grave of suspicion and reserve;
+take heed that, having cast off all whom you might have bound to you,
+and tenderly, you do not become in your decay the instrument of such a
+man as this, and waken in another world to the knowledge of such wrong
+as would embitter Heaven itself, if wrong or you could ever reach it!'
+
+And then he told them how he had sometimes thought, in the beginning,
+that love might grow up between Mary and Martin; and how he had pleased
+his fancy with the picture of observing it when it was new, and taking
+them to task, apart, in counterfeited doubt, and then confessing to them
+that it had been an object dear to his heart; and by his sympathy with
+them, and generous provision for their young fortunes, establishing a
+claim on their affection and regard which nothing should wither, and
+which should surround his old age with means of happiness. How in the
+first dawn of this design, and when the pleasure of such a scheme for
+the happiness of others was new and indistinct within him, Martin had
+come to tell him that he had already chosen for himself; knowing that
+he, the old man, had some faint project on that head, but ignorant whom
+it concerned. How it was little comfort to him to know that Martin
+had chosen Her, because the grace of his design was lost, and because
+finding that she had returned his love, he tortured himself with
+the reflection that they, so young, to whom he had been so kind a
+benefactor, were already like the world, and bent on their own selfish,
+stealthy ends. How in the bitterness of this impression, and of his past
+experience, he had reproached Martin so harshly (forgetting that he had
+never invited his confidence on such a point, and confounding what
+he had meant to do with what he had done), that high words sprung up
+between them, and they separated in wrath. How he loved him still, and
+hoped he would return. How on the night of his illness at the Dragon,
+he had secretly written tenderly of him, and made him his heir, and
+sanctioned his marriage with Mary; and how, after his interview with Mr
+Pecksniff, he had distrusted him again, and burnt the paper to ashes,
+and had lain down in his bed distracted by suspicions, doubts, and
+regrets.
+
+And then he told them how, resolved to probe this Pecksniff, and to
+prove the constancy and truth of Mary (to himself no less than
+Martin), he had conceived and entered on his plan; and how, beneath her
+gentleness and patience, he had softened more and more; still more and
+more beneath the goodness and simplicity, the honour and the manly faith
+of Tom. And when he spoke of Tom, he said God bless him; and the tears
+were in his eyes; for he said that Tom, mistrusted and disliked by him
+at first, had come like summer rain upon his heart; and had disposed it
+to believe in better things. And Martin took him by the hand, and Mary
+too, and John, his old friend, stoutly too; and Mark, and Mrs Lupin,
+and his sister, little Ruth. And peace of mind, deep, tranquil peace of
+mind, was in Tom's heart.
+
+The old man then related how nobly Mr Pecksniff had performed the duty
+in which he stood indebted to society, in the matter of Tom's
+dismissal; and how, having often heard disparagement of Mr Westlock from
+Pecksniffian lips, and knowing him to be a friend to Tom, he had used,
+through his confidential agent and solicitor, that little artifice which
+had kept him in readiness to receive his unknown friend in London. And
+he called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Scoundrel) to remember that
+there again he had not trapped him to do evil, but that he had done it
+of his own free will and agency; nay, that he had cautioned him against
+it. And once again he called on Mr Pecksniff (by the name of Hang-dog)
+to remember that when Martin coming home at last, an altered man, had
+sued for the forgiveness which awaited him, he, Pecksniff, had rejected
+him in language of his own, and had remorsely stepped in between him and
+the least touch of natural tenderness. 'For which,' said the old man,
+'if the bending of my finger would remove a halter from your neck, I
+wouldn't bend it!'
+
+'Martin,' he added, 'your rival has not been a dangerous one, but Mrs
+Lupin here has played duenna for some weeks; not so much to watch your
+love as to watch her lover. For that Ghoul'--his fertility in finding
+names for Mr Pecksniff was astonishing--'would have crawled into her
+daily walks otherwise, and polluted the fresh air. What's this? Her hand
+is trembling strangely. See if you can hold it.'
+
+Hold it! If he clasped it half as tightly as he did her waist. Well,
+well!
+
+But it was good in him that even then, in his high fortune and
+happiness, with her lips nearly printed on his own, and her proud young
+beauty in his close embrace, he had a hand still left to stretch out to
+Tom Pinch.
+
+'Oh, Tom! Dear Tom! I saw you, accidentally, coming here. Forgive me!'
+
+'Forgive!' cried Tom. 'I'll never forgive you as long as I live, Martin,
+if you say another syllable about it. Joy to you both! Joy, my dear
+fellow, fifty thousand times.'
+
+Joy! There is not a blessing on earth that Tom did not wish them. There
+is not a blessing on earth that Tom would not have bestowed upon them,
+if he could.
+
+'I beg your pardon, sir,' said Mr Tapley, stepping forward, 'but yow was
+mentionin', just now, a lady of the name of Lupin, sir.'
+
+'I was,' returned old Martin
+
+'Yes, sir. It's a pretty name, sir?'
+
+'A very good name,' said Martin.
+
+'It seems a'most a pity to change such a name into Tapley. Don't it,
+sir?' said Mark.
+
+'That depends upon the lady. What is HER opinion?'
+
+'Why, sir,' said Mr Tapley, retiring, with a bow, towards the buxom
+hostess, 'her opinion is as the name ain't a change for the better, but
+the indiwidual may be, and, therefore, if nobody ain't acquainted
+with no jest cause or impediment, et cetrer, the Blue Dragon will be
+con-werted into the Jolly Tapley. A sign of my own inwention, sir. Wery
+new, conwivial, and expressive!'
+
+The whole of these proceedings were so agreeable to Mr Pecksniff that
+he stood with his eyes fixed upon the floor and his hands clasping one
+another alternately, as if a host of penal sentences were being passed
+upon him. Not only did his figure appear to have shrunk, but his
+discomfiture seemed to have extended itself even to his dress. His
+clothes seemed to have grown shabbier, his linen to have turned yellow,
+his hair to have become lank and frowsy; his very boots looked villanous
+and dim, as if their gloss had departed with his own.
+
+Feeling, rather than seeing, that the old man now pointed to the door,
+he raised his eyes, picked up his hat, and thus addressed him:
+
+'Mr Chuzzlewit, sir! you have partaken of my hospitality.'
+
+'And paid for it,' he observed.
+
+'Thank you. That savours,' said Mr Pecksniff, taking out his
+pocket-handkerchief, 'of your old familiar frankness. You have paid for
+it. I was about to make the remark. You have deceived me, sir. Thank you
+again. I am glad of it. To see you in the possession of your health and
+faculties on any terms, is, in itself, a sufficient recompense. To have
+been deceived implies a trusting nature. Mine is a trusting nature. I
+am thankful for it. I would rather have a trusting nature, do you know,
+sir, than a doubting one!'
+
+Here Mr Pecksniff, with a sad smile, bowed, and wiped his eyes.
+
+'There is hardly any person present, Mr Chuzzlewit,' said Pecksniff,
+'by whom I have not been deceived. I have forgiven those persons on the
+spot. That was my duty; and, of course, I have done it. Whether it was
+worthy of you to partake of my hospitality, and to act the part you
+did act in my house, that, sir, is a question which I leave to your own
+conscience. And your conscience does not acquit you. No, sir, no!'
+
+Pronouncing these last words in a loud and solemn voice, Mr Pecksniff
+was not so absolutely lost in his own fervour as to be unmindful of the
+expediency of getting a little nearer to the door.
+
+'I have been struck this day,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'with a walking
+stick (which I have every reason to believe has knobs upon it), on that
+delicate and exquisite portion of the human anatomy--the brain. Several
+blows have been inflicted, sir, without a walking-stick, upon that
+tenderer portion of my frame--my heart. You have mentioned, sir,
+my being bankrupt in my purse. Yes, sir, I am. By an unfortunate
+speculation, combined with treachery, I find myself reduced to poverty;
+at a time, sir, when the child of my bosom is widowed, and affliction
+and disgrace are in my family.'
+
+Here Mr Pecksniff wiped his eyes again, and gave himself two or three
+little knocks upon the breast, as if he were answering two or three
+other little knocks from within, given by the tinkling hammer of his
+conscience, to express 'Cheer up, my boy!'
+
+'I know the human mind, although I trust it. That is my weakness. Do I
+not know, sir'--here he became exceedingly plaintive and was observed to
+glance towards Tom Pinch--'that my misfortunes bring this treatment on
+me? Do I not know, sir, that but for them I never should have heard what
+I have heard to-day? Do I not know that in the silence and the solitude
+of night, a little voice will whisper in your ear, Mr Chuzzlewit, "This
+was not well. This was not well, sir!" Think of this, sir (if you will
+have the goodness), remote from the impulses of passion, and apart from
+the specialities, if I may use that strong remark, of prejudice. And if
+you ever contemplate the silent tomb, sir, which you will excuse me for
+entertaining some doubt of your doing, after the conduct into which you
+have allowed yourself to be betrayed this day; if you ever contemplate
+the silent tomb sir, think of me. If you find yourself approaching to
+the silent tomb, sir, think of me. If you should wish to have anything
+inscribed upon your silent tomb, sir, let it be, that I--ah, my
+remorseful sir! that I--the humble individual who has now the honour of
+reproaching you, forgave you. That I forgave you when my injuries were
+fresh, and when my bosom was newly wrung. It may be bitterness to you to
+hear it now, sir, but you will live to seek a consolation in it. May you
+find a consolation in it when you want it, sir! Good morning!'
+
+With this sublime address, Mr Pecksniff departed. But the effect of
+his departure was much impaired by his being immediately afterwards run
+against, and nearly knocked down, by a monstrously excited little man in
+velveteen shorts and a very tall hat; who came bursting up the stairs,
+and straight into the chambers of Mr Chuzzlewit, as if he were deranged.
+
+'Is there anybody here that knows him?' cried the little man. 'Is there
+anybody here that knows him? Oh, my stars, is there anybody here that
+knows him?'
+
+They looked at each other for an explanation; but nobody knew anything
+more than that here was an excited little man with a very tall hat on,
+running in and out of the room as hard as he could go; making his single
+pair of bright blue stockings appear at least a dozen; and constantly
+repeating in a shrill voice, 'IS there anybody here that knows him?'
+
+'If your brains is not turned topjy turjey, Mr Sweedlepipes!' exclaimed
+another voice, 'hold that there nige of yourn, I beg you, sir.'
+
+At the same time Mrs Gamp was seen in the doorway; out of breath from
+coming up so many stairs, and panting fearfully; but dropping curtseys
+to the last.
+
+'Excuge the weakness of the man,' said Mrs Gamp, eyeing Mr Sweedlepipe
+with great indignation; 'and well I might expect it, as I should have
+know'd, and wishin' he was drownded in the Thames afore I had brought
+him here, which not a blessed hour ago he nearly shaved the noge off
+from the father of as lovely a family as ever, Mr Chuzzlewit, was born
+three sets of twins, and would have done it, only he see it a-goin' in
+the glass, and dodged the rager. And never, Mr Sweedlepipes, I do assure
+you, sir, did I so well know what a misfortun it was to be acquainted
+with you, as now I do, which so I say, sir, and I don't deceive you!'
+
+'I ask your pardon, ladies and gentlemen all,' cried the little barber,
+taking off his hat, 'and yours too, Mrs Gamp. But--but,' he added this
+half laughing and half crying, 'IS there anybody here that knows him?'
+
+As the barber said these words, a something in top-boots, with its head
+bandaged up, staggered into the room, and began going round and round
+and round, apparently under the impression that it was walking straight
+forward.
+
+'Look at him!' cried the excited little barber. 'Here he is! That'll
+soon wear off, and then he'll be all right again. He's no more dead than
+I am. He's all alive and hearty. Aint you, Bailey?'
+
+'R--r--reether so, Poll!' replied that gentleman.
+
+'Look here!' cried the little barber, laughing and crying in the same
+breath. 'When I steady him he comes all right. There! He's all right
+now. Nothing's the matter with him now, except that he's a little shook
+and rather giddy; is there, Bailey?'
+
+'R--r--reether shook, Poll--reether so!' said Mr Bailey. 'What, my
+lovely Sairey! There you air!'
+
+'What a boy he is!' cried the tender-hearted Poll, actually sobbing
+over him. 'I never see sech a boy! It's all his fun. He's full of it.
+He shall go into the business along with me. I am determined he shall.
+We'll make it Sweedlepipe and Bailey. He shall have the sporting branch
+(what a one he'll be for the matches!) and me the shavin'. I'll make
+over the birds to him as soon as ever he's well enough. He shall have
+the little bullfinch in the shop, and all. He's sech a boy! I ask your
+pardon, ladies and gentlemen, but I thought there might be some one here
+that know'd him!'
+
+Mrs Gamp had observed, not without jealousy and scorn, that a favourable
+impression appeared to exist in behalf of Mr Sweedlepipe and his
+young friend; and that she had fallen rather into the background in
+consequence. She now struggled to the front, therefore, and stated her
+business.
+
+'Which, Mr Chuzzlewit,' she said, 'is well beknown to Mrs Harris as has
+one sweet infant (though she DO not wish it known) in her own family by
+the mother's side, kep in spirits in a bottle; and that sweet babe she
+see at Greenwich Fair, a-travelling in company with a pink-eyed lady,
+Prooshan dwarf, and livin' skelinton, which judge her feelings when the
+barrel organ played, and she was showed her own dear sister's child, the
+same not bein' expected from the outside picter, where it was painted
+quite contrairy in a livin' state, a many sizes larger, and performing
+beautiful upon the Arp, which never did that dear child know or do;
+since breathe it never did, to speak on in this wale! And Mrs Harris, Mr
+Chuzzlewit, has knowed me many year, and can give you information that
+the lady which is widdered can't do better and may do worse, than let me
+wait upon her, which I hope to do. Permittin' the sweet faces as I see
+afore me.'
+
+'Oh!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Is that your business? Was this good person
+paid for the trouble we gave her?'
+
+'I paid her, sir,' returned Mark Tapley; 'liberal.'
+
+'The young man's words is true,' said Mrs Gamp, 'and thank you kindly.'
+
+'Then here we will close our acquaintance, Mrs Gamp,' retorted Mr
+Chuzzlewit. 'And Mr Sweedlepipe--is that your name?'
+
+'That is my name, sir,' replied Poll, accepting with a profusion of
+gratitude, some chinking pieces which the old man slipped into his hand.
+
+'Mr Sweedlepipe, take as much care of your lady-lodger as you can, and
+give her a word or two of good advice now and then. Such,' said old
+Martin, looking gravely at the astonished Mrs Gamp, 'as hinting at the
+expediency of a little less liquor, and a little more humanity, and
+a little less regard for herself, and a little more regard for her
+patients, and perhaps a trifle of additional honesty. Or when Mrs Gamp
+gets into trouble, Mr Sweedlepipe, it had better not be at a time when I
+am near enough to the Old Bailey to volunteer myself as a witness to her
+character. Endeavour to impress that upon her at your leisure, if you
+please.'
+
+Mrs Gamp clasped her hands, turned up her eyes until they were quite
+invisible, threw back her bonnet for the admission of fresh air to her
+heated brow; and in the act of saying faintly--'Less liquor!--Sairey
+Gamp--Bottle on the chimney-piece, and let me put my lips to it, when I
+am so dispoged!'--fell into one of the walking swoons; in which pitiable
+state she was conducted forth by Mr Sweedlepipe, who, between his two
+patients, the swooning Mrs Gamp and the revolving Bailey, had enough to
+do, poor fellow.
+
+The old man looked about him, with a smile, until his eyes rested on Tom
+Pinch's sister; when he smiled the more.
+
+'We will all dine here together,' he said; 'and as you and Mary have
+enough to talk of, Martin, you shall keep house for us until the
+afternoon, with Mr and Mrs Tapley. I must see your lodgings in the
+meanwhile, Tom.'
+
+Tom was quite delighted. So was Ruth. She would go with them.
+
+'Thank you, my love,' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'But I am afraid I must take
+Tom a little out of the way, on business. Suppose you go on first, my
+dear?'
+
+Pretty little Ruth was equally delighted to do that.
+
+'But not alone,' said Martin, 'not alone. Mr Westlock, I dare say, will
+escort you.'
+
+Why, of course he would: what else had Mr Westlock in his mind? How dull
+these old men are!
+
+'You are sure you have no engagement?' he persisted.
+
+Engagement! As if he could have any engagement!
+
+So they went off arm-in-arm. When Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit went off
+arm-in-arm a few minutes after them, the latter was still smiling; and
+really, for a gentleman of his habits, in rather a knowing manner.
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
+
+WHAT JOHN WESTLOCK SAID TO TOM PINCH'S SISTER; WHAT TOM PINCH'S SISTER
+SAID TO JOHN WESTLOCK; WHAT TOM PINCH SAID TO BOTH OF THEM; AND HOW THEY
+ALL PASSED THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY
+
+
+Brilliantly the Temple Fountain sparkled in the sun, and laughingly
+its liquid music played, and merrily the idle drops of water danced and
+danced, and peeping out in sport among the trees, plunged lightly down
+to hide themselves, as little Ruth and her companion came toward it.
+
+And why they came toward the Fountain at all is a mystery; for they had
+no business there. It was not in their way. It was quite out of their
+way. They had no more to do with the Fountain, bless you, than they had
+with--with Love, or any out-of-the-way thing of that sort.
+
+It was all very well for Tom and his sister to make appointments by the
+Fountain, but that was quite another affair. Because, of course, when
+she had to wait a minute or two, it would have been very awkward for her
+to have had to wait in any but a tolerably quiet spot; but that was as
+quiet a spot, everything considered, as they could choose. But when she
+had John Westlock to take care of her, and was going home with her arm
+in his (home being in a different direction altogether), their coming
+anywhere near that Fountain was quite extraordinary.
+
+However, there they found themselves. And another extraordinary part
+of the matter was, that they seemed to have come there, by a silent
+understanding. Yet when they got there, they were a little confused
+by being there, which was the strangest part of all; because there is
+nothing naturally confusing in a Fountain. We all know that.
+
+'What a good old place it was!' John said. With quite an earnest affection
+for it.
+
+'A pleasant place indeed,' said little Ruth. 'So shady!'
+
+Oh wicked little Ruth!
+
+They came to a stop when John began to praise it. The day was exquisite;
+and stopping at all, it was quite natural--nothing could be more
+so--that they should glance down Garden Court; because Garden Court ends
+in the Garden, and the Garden ends in the River, and that glimpse is
+very bright and fresh and shining on a summer's day. Then, oh, little
+Ruth, why not look boldly at it! Why fit that tiny, precious, blessed
+little foot into the cracked corner of an insensible old flagstone in
+the pavement; and be so very anxious to adjust it to a nicety!
+
+If the Fiery-faced matron in the crunched bonnet could have seen them
+as they walked away, how many years' purchase might Fiery Face have been
+disposed to take for her situation in Furnival's Inn as laundress to Mr
+Westlock!
+
+They went away, but not through London's streets! Through some enchanted
+city, where the pavements were of air; where all the rough sounds of
+a stirring town were softened into gentle music; where everything
+was happy; where there was no distance, and no time. There were two
+good-tempered burly draymen letting down big butts of beer into a
+cellar, somewhere; and when John helped her--almost lifted her--the
+lightest, easiest, neatest thing you ever saw--across the rope, they
+said he owed them a good turn for giving him the chance. Celestial
+draymen!
+
+Green pastures in the summer tide, deep-littered straw yards in the
+winter, no start of corn and clover, ever, to that noble horse who WOULD
+dance on the pavement with a gig behind him, and who frightened her, and
+made her clasp his arm with both hands (both hands meeting one upon the
+another so endearingly!), and caused her to implore him to take
+refuge in the pastry-cook's, and afterwards to peep out at the door so
+shrinkingly; and then, looking at him with those eyes, to ask him was
+he sure--now was he sure--they might go safely on! Oh for a string of
+rampant horses! For a lion, for a bear, for a mad bull, for anything to
+bring the little hands together on his arm again!
+
+They talked, of course. They talked of Tom, and all these changes and
+the attachment Mr Chuzzlewit had conceived for him, and the bright
+prospects he had in such a friend, and a great deal more to the same
+purpose. The more they talked, the more afraid this fluttering little
+Ruth became of any pause; and sooner than have a pause she would say the
+same things over again; and if she hadn't courage or presence of mind
+enough for that (to say the truth she very seldom had), she was ten
+thousand times more charming and irresistible than she had been before.
+
+'Martin will be married very soon now, I suppose?' said John.
+
+She supposed he would. Never did a bewitching little woman suppose
+anything in such a faint voice as Ruth supposed that.
+
+But seeing that another of those alarming pauses was approaching, she
+remarked that he would have a beautiful wife. Didn't Mr Westlock think
+so?
+
+'Ye--yes,' said John, 'oh, yes.'
+
+She feared he was rather hard to please, he spoke so coldly.
+
+'Rather say already pleased,' said John. 'I have scarcely seen her. I
+had no care to see her. I had no eyes for HER, this morning.'
+
+Oh, good gracious!
+
+It was well they had reached their destination. She never could have
+gone any further. It would have been impossible to walk in such a
+tremble.
+
+Tom had not come in. They entered the triangular parlour together, and
+alone. Fiery Face, Fiery Face, how many years' purchase NOW!
+
+She sat down on the little sofa, and untied her bonnet-strings. He sat
+down by her side, and very near her; very, very near her. Oh rapid,
+swelling, bursting little heart, you knew that it would come to this,
+and hoped it would. Why beat so wildly, heart!
+
+'Dear Ruth! Sweet Ruth! If I had loved you less, I could have told you
+that I loved you, long ago. I have loved you from the first. There never
+was a creature in the world more truly loved than you, dear Ruth, by
+me!'
+
+She clasped her little hands before her face. The gushing tears of joy,
+and pride, and hope, and innocent affection, would not be restrained.
+Fresh from her full young heart they came to answer him.
+
+'My dear love! If this is--I almost dare to hope it is, now--not painful
+or distressing to you, you make me happier than I can tell, or you
+imagine. Darling Ruth! My own good, gentle, winning Ruth! I hope I know
+the value of your heart, I hope I know the worth of your angel nature.
+Let me try and show you that I do; and you will make me happier, Ruth--'
+
+'Not happier,' she sobbed, 'than you make me. No one can be happier,
+John, than you make me!'
+
+Fiery Face, provide yourself! The usual wages or the usual warning. It's
+all over, Fiery Face. We needn't trouble you any further.
+
+The little hands could meet each other now, without a rampant horse
+to urge them. There was no occasion for lions, bears, or mad bulls. It
+could all be done, and infinitely better, without their assistance.
+No burly drayman or big butts of beer, were wanted for apologies. No
+apology at all was wanted. The soft light touch fell coyly, but quite
+naturally, upon the lover's shoulder; the delicate waist, the drooping
+head, the blushing cheek, the beautiful eyes, the exquisite mouth
+itself, were all as natural as possible. If all the horses in Araby had
+run away at once, they couldn't have improved upon it.
+
+They soon began to talk of Tom again.
+
+'I hope he will be glad to hear of it!' said John, with sparkling eyes.
+
+Ruth drew the little hands a little tighter when he said it, and looked
+up seriously into his face.
+
+'I am never to leave him, AM I, dear? I could never leave Tom. I am sure
+you know that.'
+
+'Do you think I would ask you?' he returned, with a--well! Never mind
+with what.
+
+'I am sure you never would,' she answered, the bright tears standing in
+her eyes.
+
+'And I will swear it, Ruth, my darling, if you please. Leave Tom! That
+would be a strange beginning. Leave Tom, dear! If Tom and we be not
+inseparable, and Tom (God bless him) have not all honour and all love
+in our home, my little wife, may that home never be! And that's a strong
+oath, Ruth.'
+
+Shall it be recorded how she thanked him? Yes, it shall. In all
+simplicity and innocence and purity of heart, yet with a timid,
+graceful, half-determined hesitation, she set a little rosy seal upon
+the vow, whose colour was reflected in her face, and flashed up to the
+braiding of her dark brown hair.
+
+'Tom will be so happy, and so proud, and glad,' she said, clasping her
+little hands. 'But so surprised! I am sure he had never thought of such
+a thing.'
+
+Of course John asked her immediately--because you know they were in that
+foolish state when great allowances must be made--when SHE had begun to
+think of such a thing, and this made a little diversion in their talk; a
+charming diversion to them, but not so interesting to us; at the end of
+which, they came back to Tom again.
+
+'Ah! dear Tom!' said Ruth. 'I suppose I ought to tell you everything
+now. I should have no secrets from you. Should I, John, love?'
+
+It is of no use saying how that preposterous John answered her, because
+he answered in a manner which is untranslatable on paper though highly
+satisfactory in itself. But what he conveyed was, No no no, sweet Ruth;
+or something to that effect.
+
+Then she told him Tom's great secret; not exactly saying how she had
+found it out, but leaving him to understand it if he liked; and John was
+sadly grieved to hear it, and was full of sympathy and sorrow. But they
+would try, he said, only the more, on this account to make him happy,
+and to beguile him with his favourite pursuits. And then, in all the
+confidence of such a time, he told her how he had a capital opportunity
+of establishing himself in his old profession in the country; and how he
+had been thinking, in the event of that happiness coming upon him which
+had actually come--there was another slight diversion here--how he had
+been thinking that it would afford occupation to Tom, and enable them to
+live together in the easiest manner, without any sense of dependence on
+Tom's part; and to be as happy as the day was long. And Ruth receiving
+this with joy, they went on catering for Tom to that extent that they
+had already purchased him a select library and built him an organ, on
+which he was performing with the greatest satisfaction, when they heard
+him knocking at the door.
+
+Though she longed to tell him what had happened, poor little Ruth was
+greatly agitated by his arrival; the more so because she knew that Mr
+Chuzzlewit was with him. So she said, all in a tremble:
+
+'What shall I do, dear John! I can't bear that he should hear it from
+any one but me, and I could not tell him, unless we were alone.'
+
+'Do, my love,' said John, 'whatever is natural to you on the impulse of
+the moment, and I am sure it will be right.'
+
+He had hardly time to say thus much, and Ruth had hardly time to--just
+to get a little farther off--upon the sofa, when Tom and Mr Chuzzlewit
+came in. Mr Chuzzlewit came first, and Tom was a few seconds behind him.
+
+Now Ruth had hastily resolved that she would beckon Tom upstairs after
+a short time, and would tell him in his little bedroom. But when she saw
+his dear old face come in, her heart was so touched that she ran into
+his arms, and laid her head down on his breast and sobbed out, 'Bless
+me, Tom! My dearest brother!'
+
+Tom looked up, in surprise, and saw John Westlock close beside him,
+holding out his hand.
+
+'John!' cried Tom. 'John!'
+
+'Dear Tom,' said his friend, 'give me your hand. We are brothers, Tom.'
+
+Tom wrung it with all his force, embraced his sister fervently, and put
+her in John Westlock's arms.
+
+'Don't speak to me, John. Heaven is very good to us. I--' Tom could find
+no further utterance, but left the room; and Ruth went after him.
+
+And when they came back, which they did by-and-bye, she looked more
+beautiful, and Tom more good and true (if that were possible) than ever.
+And though Tom could not speak upon the subject even now; being yet
+too newly glad, he put both his hands in both of John's with emphasis
+sufficient for the best speech ever spoken.
+
+'I am glad you chose to-day,' said Mr Chuzzlewit to John; with the same
+knowing smile as when they had left him. 'I thought you would. I hoped
+Tom and I lingered behind a discreet time. It's so long since I had
+any practical knowledge of these subjects, that I have been anxious, I
+assure you.'
+
+'Your knowledge is still pretty accurate, sir,' returned John, laughing,
+'if it led you to foresee what would happen to-day.'
+
+'Why, I am not sure, Mr Westlock,' said the old man, 'that any great
+spirit of prophecy was needed, after seeing you and Ruth together. Come
+hither, pretty one. See what Tom and I purchased this morning, while you
+were dealing in exchange with that young merchant there.'
+
+The old man's way of seating her beside him, and humouring his voice as
+if she were a child, was whimsical enough, but full of tenderness, and
+not ill adapted, somehow, to little Ruth.
+
+'See here!' he said, taking a case from his pocket, 'what a beautiful
+necklace. Ah! How it glitters! Earrings, too, and bracelets, and a zone
+for your waist. This set is yours, and Mary has another like it. Tom
+couldn't understand why I wanted two. What a short-sighted Tom! Earrings
+and bracelets, and a zone for your waist! Ah! Beautiful! Let us see how
+brave they look. Ask Mr Westlock to clasp them on.'
+
+It was the prettiest thing to see her holding out her round, white arm;
+and John (oh deep, deep John!) pretending that the bracelet was very
+hard to fasten; it was the prettiest thing to see her girding on the
+precious little zone, and yet obliged to have assistance because her
+fingers were in such terrible perplexity; it was the prettiest thing
+to see her so confused and bashful, with the smiles and blushes playing
+brightly on her face, like the sparkling light upon the jewels; it was
+the prettiest thing that you would see, in the common experiences of a
+twelvemonth, rely upon it.
+
+'The set of jewels and the wearer are so well matched,' said the old
+man, 'that I don't know which becomes the other most. Mr Westlock could
+tell me, I have no doubt, but I'll not ask him, for he is bribed. Health
+to wear them, my dear, and happiness to make you forgetful of them,
+except as a remembrance from a loving friend!'
+
+He patted her upon the cheek, and said to Tom:
+
+'I must play the part of a father here, Tom, also. There are not many
+fathers who marry two such daughters on the same day; but we will
+overlook the improbability for the gratification of an old man's fancy.
+I may claim that much indulgence,' he added, 'for I have gratified few
+fancies enough in my life tending to the happiness of others, Heaven
+knows!'
+
+These various proceedings had occupied so much time, and they fell into
+such a pleasant conversation now, that it was within a quarter of an
+hour of the time appointed for dinner before any of them thought about
+it. A hackney-coach soon carried them to the Temple, however; and there
+they found everything prepared for their reception.
+
+Mr Tapley having been furnished with unlimited credentials relative to
+the ordering of dinner, had so exerted himself for the honour of the
+party, that a prodigious banquet was served, under the joint direction
+of himself and his Intended. Mr Chuzzlewit would have had them of the
+party, and Martin urgently seconded his wish, but Mark could by no means
+be persuaded to sit down at table; observing, that in having the honour
+of attending to their comforts, he felt himself, indeed, the landlord of
+the Jolly Tapley, and could almost delude himself into the belief that
+the entertainment was actually being held under the Jolly Tapley's roof.
+
+For the better encouragement of himself in this fable, Mr Tapley took
+it upon him to issue divers general directions to the waiters from the
+hotel, relative to the disposal of the dishes and so forth; and as they
+were usually in direct opposition to all precedent, and were always
+issued in his most facetious form of thought and speech, they occasioned
+great merriment among those attendants; in which Mr Tapley participated,
+with an infinite enjoyment of his own humour. He likewise entertained
+them with short anecdotes of his travels appropriate to the occasion;
+and now and then with some comic passage or other between himself and
+Mrs Lupin; so that explosive laughs were constantly issuing from the
+side-board, and from the backs of chairs; and the head-waiter (who wore
+powder, and knee-smalls, and was usually a grave man) got to be a bright
+scarlet in the face, and broke his waistcoat-strings audibly.
+
+Young Martin sat at the head of the table, and Tom Pinch at the foot;
+and if there were a genial face at that board, it was Tom's. They all
+took their tone from Tom. Everybody drank to him, everybody looked to
+him, everybody thought of him, everybody loved him. If he so much as
+laid down his knife and fork, somebody put out a hand to shake with him.
+Martin and Mary had taken him aside before dinner, and spoken to him so
+heartily of the time to come, laying such fervent stress upon the trust
+they had in his completion of their felicity, by his society and closest
+friendship, that Tom was positively moved to tears. He couldn't bear it.
+His heart was full, he said, of happiness. And so it was. Tom spoke the
+honest truth. It was. Large as thy heart was, dear Tom Pinch, it had no
+room that day for anything but happiness and sympathy!
+
+And there was Fips, old Fips of Austin Friars, present at the dinner,
+and turning out to be the jolliest old dog that ever did violence to his
+convivial sentiments by shutting himself up in a dark office. 'Where is
+he?' said Fips, when he came in. And then he pounced on Tom, and told
+him that he wanted to relieve himself of all his old constraint; and in
+the first place shook him by one hand, and in the second place shook him
+by the other, and in the third place nudged him in the waistcoat, and in
+the fourth place said, 'How are you?' and in a great many other places
+did a great many other things to show his friendliness and joy. And he
+sang songs, did Fips; and made speeches, did Fips; and knocked off his
+wine pretty handsomely, did Fips; and in short, he showed himself a
+perfect Trump, did Fips, in all respects.
+
+But ah! the happiness of strolling home at night--obstinate little Ruth,
+she wouldn't hear of riding!--as they had done on that dear night, from
+Furnival's Inn! The happiness of being able to talk about it, and to
+confide their happiness to each other! The happiness of stating all
+their little plans to Tom, and seeing his bright face grow brighter as
+they spoke!
+
+When they reached home, Tom left John and his sister in the parlour, and
+went upstairs into his own room, under pretence of seeking a book. And
+Tom actually winked to himself when he got upstairs; he thought it such
+a deep thing to have done.
+
+'They like to be by themselves, of course,' said Tom; 'and I came away
+so naturally, that I have no doubt they are expecting me, every moment,
+to return. That's capital!'
+
+But he had not sat reading very long, when he heard a tap at his door.
+
+'May I come in?' said John.
+
+'Oh, surely!' Tom replied.
+
+'Don't leave us, Tom. Don't sit by yourself. We want to make you merry;
+not melancholy.'
+
+'My dear friend,' said Tom, with a cheerful smile.
+
+'Brother, Tom. Brother.'
+
+'My dear brother,' said Tom; 'there is no danger of my being melancholy,
+how can I be melancholy, when I know that you and Ruth are so blest in
+each other! I think I can find my tongue tonight, John,' he added, after
+a moment's pause. 'But I never can tell you what unutterable joy this
+day has given me. It would be unjust to you to speak of your having
+chosen a portionless girl, for I feel that you know her worth; I am sure
+you know her worth. Nor will it diminish in your estimation, John, which
+money might.'
+
+'Which money would, Tom,' he returned. 'Her worth! Oh, who could see her
+here, and not love her! Who could know her, Tom, and not honour her! Who
+could ever stand possessed of such a heart as hers, and grow indifferent
+to the treasure! Who could feel the rapture that I feel to-day, and love
+as I love her, Tom, without knowing something of her worth! Your joy
+unutterable! No, no, Tom. It's mine, it's mine.
+
+'No, no, John,' said Tom. 'It's mine, it's mine.'
+
+Their friendly contention was brought to a close by little Ruth herself,
+who came peeping in at the door. And oh, the look, the glorious,
+half-proud, half-timid look she gave Tom, when her lover drew her to his
+side! As much as to say, 'Yes, indeed, Tom, he will do it. But then he
+has a right, you know. Because I AM fond of him, Tom.'
+
+As to Tom, he was perfectly delighted. He could have sat and looked at
+them, just as they were, for hours.
+
+'I have told Tom, love, as we agreed, that we are not going to permit
+him to run away, and that we cannot possibly allow it. The loss of one
+person, and such a person as Tom, too, out of our small household of
+three, is not to be endured; and so I have told him. Whether he is
+considerate, or whether he is only selfish, I don't know. But he needn't
+be considerate, for he is not the least restraint upon us. Is he,
+dearest Ruth?'
+
+Well! He really did not seem to be any particular restraint upon them.
+Judging from what ensued.
+
+Was it folly in Tom to be so pleased by their remembrance of him at
+such a time? Was their graceful love a folly, were their dear caresses
+follies, was their lengthened parting folly? Was it folly in him to
+watch her window from the street, and rate its scantiest gleam of light
+above all diamonds; folly in her to breathe his name upon her knees, and
+pour out her pure heart before that Being from whom such hearts and such
+affections come?
+
+If these be follies, then Fiery Face go on and prosper! If they be not,
+then Fiery Face avaunt! But set the crunched bonnet at some other single
+gentleman, in any case, for one is lost to thee for ever!
+
+
+
+CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
+
+GIVES THE AUTHOR GREAT CONCERN. FOR IT IS THE LAST IN THE BOOK
+
+
+Todger's was in high feather, and mighty preparations for a late
+breakfast were astir in its commercial bowers. The blissful morning
+had arrived when Miss Pecksniff was to be united in holy matrimony, to
+Augustus.
+
+Miss Pecksniff was in a frame of mind equally becoming to herself and
+the occasion. She was full of clemency and conciliation. She had laid
+in several caldrons of live coals, and was prepared to heap them on the
+heads of her enemies. She bore no spite nor malice in her heart. Not the
+least.
+
+Quarrels, Miss Pecksniff said, were dreadful things in families; and
+though she never could forgive her dear papa, she was willing to receive
+her other relations. They had been separated, she observed, too long.
+It was enough to call down a judgment upon the family. She believed the
+death of Jonas WAS a judgment on them for their internal dissensions.
+And Miss Pecksniff was confirmed in this belief, by the lightness with
+which the visitation had fallen on herself.
+
+By way of doing sacrifice--not in triumph; not, of course, in triumph,
+but in humiliation of spirit--this amiable young person wrote,
+therefore, to her kinswoman of the strong mind, and informed her that
+her nuptials would take place on such a day. That she had been much hurt
+by the unnatural conduct of herself and daughters, and hoped they might
+not have suffered in their consciences. That, being desirous to forgive
+her enemies, and make her peace with the world before entering into the
+most solemn of covenants with the most devoted of men, she now held out
+the hand of friendship. That if the strong-minded women took that hand,
+in the temper in which it was extended to her, she, Miss Pecksniff,
+did invite her to be present at the ceremony of her marriage, and did
+furthermore invite the three red-nosed spinsters, her daughters
+(but Miss Pecksniff did not particularize their noses), to attend as
+bridesmaids.
+
+The strong-minded women returned for answer, that herself and daughters
+were, as regarded their consciences, in the enjoyment of robust health,
+which she knew Miss Pecksniff would be glad to hear. That she had
+received Miss Pecksniff's note with unalloyed delight, because she
+never had attached the least importance to the paltry and insignificant
+jealousies with which herself and circle had been assailed; otherwise
+than as she had found them, in the contemplation, a harmless source of
+innocent mirth. That she would joyfully attend Miss Pecksniff's bridal;
+and that her three dear daughters would be happy to assist, on so
+interesting, and SO VERY UNEXPECTED--which the strong-minded woman
+underlined--SO VERY UNEXPECTED an occasion.
+
+On the receipt of this gracious reply, Miss Pecksniff extended her
+forgiveness and her invitations to Mr and Mrs Spottletoe; to Mr George
+Chuzzlewit the bachelor cousin; to the solitary female who usually had
+the toothache; and to the hairy young gentleman with the outline of
+a face; surviving remnants of the party that had once assembled in Mr
+Pecksniff's parlour. After which Miss Pecksniff remarked that there was
+a sweetness in doing our duty, which neutralized the bitter in our cups.
+
+The wedding guests had not yet assembled, and indeed it was so early
+that Miss Pecksniff herself was in the act of dressing at her leisure,
+when a carriage stopped near the Monument; and Mark, dismounting from
+the rumble, assisted Mr Chuzzlewit to alight. The carriage remained in
+waiting; so did Mr Tapley. Mr Chuzzlewit betook himself to Todger's.
+
+He was shown, by the degenerate successor of Mr Bailey, into the
+dining-parlour; where--for his visit was expected--Mrs Todgers
+immediately appeared.
+
+'You are dressed, I see, for the wedding,' he said.
+
+Mrs Todgers, who was greatly flurried by the preparations, replied in
+the affirmative.
+
+'It goes against my wishes to have it in progress just now, I assure
+you, sir,' said Mrs Todgers; 'but Miss Pecksniff's mind was set upon it,
+and it really is time that Miss Pecksniff was married. That cannot be
+denied, sir.'
+
+'No,' said Mr Chuzzlewit, 'assuredly not. Her sister takes no part in
+the proceedings?'
+
+'Oh, dear no, sir. Poor thing!' said Mrs Todgers, shaking her head, and
+dropping her voice. 'Since she has known the worst, she has never left
+my room; the next room.'
+
+'Is she prepared to see me?' he inquired.
+
+'Quite prepared, sir.'
+
+'Then let us lose no time.'
+
+Mrs Todgers conducted him into the little back chamber commanding the
+prospect of the cistern; and there, sadly different from when it had
+first been her lodging, sat poor Merry, in mourning weeds. The room
+looked very dark and sorrowful; and so did she; but she had one friend
+beside her, faithful to the last. Old Chuffey.
+
+When Mr Chuzzlewit sat down at her side, she took his hand and put it
+to her lips. She was in great grief. He too was agitated; for he had not
+seen her since their parting in the churchyard.
+
+'I judged you hastily,' he said, in a low voice. 'I fear I judged you
+cruelly. Let me know that I have your forgiveness.'
+
+She kissed his hand again; and retaining it in hers, thanked him in a
+broken voice, for all his kindness to her since.
+
+'Tom Pinch,' said Martin, 'has faithfully related to me all that you
+desired him to convey; at a time when he deemed it very improbable that
+he would ever have an opportunity of delivering your message. Believe
+me, that if I ever deal again with an ill-advised and unawakened
+nature, hiding the strength it thinks its weakness, I will have long and
+merciful consideration for it.'
+
+'You had for me; even for me,' she answered. 'I quite believe it. I said
+the words you have repeated, when my distress was very sharp and hard to
+bear; I say them now for others; but I cannot urge them for myself.
+You spoke to me after you had seen and watched me day by day. There
+was great consideration in that. You might have spoken, perhaps,
+more kindly; you might have tried to invite my confidence by greater
+gentleness; but the end would have been the same.'
+
+He shook his head in doubt, and not without some inward self-reproach.
+
+'How can I hope,' she said, 'that your interposition would have
+prevailed with me, when I know how obdurate I was! I never thought at
+all; dear Mr Chuzzlewit, I never thought at all; I had no thought,
+no heart, no care to find one; at that time. It has grown out of my
+trouble. I have felt it in my trouble. I wouldn't recall my trouble such
+as it is and has been--and it is light in comparison with trials which
+hundreds of good people suffer every day, I know--I wouldn't recall
+it to-morrow, if I could. It has been my friend, for without it no one
+could have changed me; nothing could have changed me. Do not mistrust me
+because of these tears; I cannot help them. I am grateful for it, in my
+soul. Indeed I am!'
+
+'Indeed she is!' said Mrs Todgers. 'I believe it, sir.'
+
+'And so do I!' said Mr Chuzzlewit. 'Now, attend to me, my dear. Your
+late husband's estate, if not wasted by the confession of a large debt
+to the broken office (which document, being useless to the runaways,
+has been sent over to England by them; not so much for the sake of the
+creditors as for the gratification of their dislike to him, whom they
+suppose to be still living), will be seized upon by law; for it is not
+exempt, as I learn, from the claims of those who have suffered by the
+fraud in which he was engaged. Your father's property was all, or nearly
+all, embarked in the same transaction. If there be any left, it will be
+seized on, in like manner. There is no home THERE.'
+
+'I couldn't return to him,' she said, with an instinctive reference to
+his having forced her marriage on. 'I could not return to him.'
+
+'I know it,' Mr Chuzzlewit resumed; 'and I am here because I know
+it. Come with me! From all who are about me, you are certain (I
+have ascertained it) of a generous welcome. But until your health is
+re-established, and you are sufficiently composed to bear that welcome,
+you shall have your abode in any quiet retreat of your own choosing,
+near London; not so far removed but that this kind-hearted lady may
+still visit you as often as she pleases. You have suffered much; but you
+are young, and have a brighter and a better future stretching out before
+you. Come with me. Your sister is careless of you, I know. She hurries
+on and publishes her marriage, in a spirit which (to say no more of it)
+is barely decent, is unsisterly, and bad. Leave the house before her
+guests arrive. She means to give you pain. Spare her the offence, and
+come with me!'
+
+Mrs Todgers, though most unwilling to part with her, added her
+persuasions. Even poor old Chuffey (of course included in the project)
+added his. She hurriedly attired herself, and was ready to depart, when
+Miss Pecksniff dashed into the room.
+
+Miss Pecksniff dashed in so suddenly, that she was placed in an
+embarrassing position. For though she had completed her bridal toilette
+as to her head, on which she wore a bridal bonnet with orange flowers,
+she had not completed it as to her skirts, which displayed no choicer
+decoration than a dimity bedgown. She had dashed in, in fact, about
+half-way through, to console her sister, in her affliction, with a sight
+of the aforesaid bonnet; and being quite unconscious of the presence of
+a visitor, until she found Mr Chuzzlewit standing face to face with her,
+her surprise was an uncomfortable one.
+
+'So, young lady!' said the old man, eyeing her with strong disfavour.
+'You are to be married to-day!'
+
+'Yes, sir,' returned Miss Pecksniff, modestly. 'I am. I--my dress is
+rather--really, Mrs Todgers!'
+
+'Your delicacy,' said old Martin, 'is troubled, I perceive. I am not
+surprised to find it so. You have chosen the period of your marriage
+unfortunately.'
+
+'I beg your pardon, Mr Chuzzlewit,' retorted Cherry; very red and angry
+in a moment; 'but if you have anything to say on that subject, I must
+beg to refer you to Augustus. You will scarcely think it manly, I hope,
+to force an argument on me, when Augustus is at all times ready to
+discuss it with you. I have nothing to do with any deceptions that may
+have been practiced on my parent,' said Miss Pecksniff, pointedly; 'and
+as I wish to be on good terms with everybody at such a time, I should
+have been glad if you would have favoured us with your company at
+breakfast. But I will not ask you as it is; seeing that you have been
+prepossessed and set against me in another quarter. I hope I have my
+natural affections for another quarter, and my natural pity for
+another quarter; but I cannot always submit to be subservient to it, Mr
+Chuzzlewit. That would be a little too much. I trust I have more respect
+for myself, as well as for the man who claims me as his Bride.'
+
+'Your sister, meeting--as I think; not as she says, for she has said
+nothing about it--with little consideration from you, is going away with
+me,' said Mr Chuzzlewit.
+
+'I am very happy to find that she has some good fortune at last,'
+returned Miss Pecksniff, tossing her head. 'I congratulate her, I
+am sure. I am not surprised that this event should be painful to
+her--painful to her--but I can't help that, Mr Chuzzlewit. It's not my
+fault.'
+
+'Come, Miss Pecksniff!' said the old man, quietly. 'I should like to see
+a better parting between you. I should like to see a better parting on
+your side, in such circumstances. It would make me your friend. You may
+want a friend one day or other.'
+
+'Every relation of life, Mr Chuzzlewit, begging your pardon; and every
+friend in life,' returned Miss Pecksniff, with dignity, 'is now bound up
+and cemented in Augustus. So long as Augustus is my own, I cannot want
+a friend. When you speak of friends, sir, I must beg, once for all, to
+refer you to Augustus. That is my impression of the religious ceremony
+in which I am so soon to take a part at that altar to which Augustus
+will conduct me. I bear no malice at any time, much less in a moment of
+triumph, towards any one; much less towards my sister. On the contrary,
+I congratulate her. If you didn't hear me say so, I am not to blame.
+And as I owe it to Augustus, to be punctual on an occasion when he may
+naturally be supposed to be--to be impatient--really, Mrs Todgers!--I
+must beg your leave, sir, to retire.'
+
+After these words the bridal bonnet disappeared; with as much state as
+the dimity bedgown left in it.
+
+Old Martin gave his arm to the younger sister without speaking; and led
+her out. Mrs Todgers, with her holiday garments fluttering in the wind,
+accompanied them to the carriage, clung round Merry's neck at parting,
+and ran back to her own dingy house, crying the whole way. She had
+a lean, lank body, Mrs Todgers, but a well-conditioned soul within.
+Perhaps the good Samaritan was lean and lank, and found it hard to live.
+Who knows!
+
+Mr Chuzzlewit followed her so closely with his eyes, that, until she had
+shut her own door, they did not encounter Mr Tapley's face.
+
+'Why, Mark!' he said, as soon as he observed it, 'what's the matter?'
+
+'The wonderfulest ewent, sir!' returned Mark, pumping at his voice in
+a most laborious manner, and hardly able to articulate with all his
+efforts. 'A coincidence as never was equalled! I'm blessed if here ain't
+two old neighbours of ourn, sir!'
+
+'What neighbours?' cried old Martin, looking out of window. 'Where?'
+
+'I was a-walkin' up and down not five yards from this spot,' said Mr
+Tapley, breathless, 'and they come upon me like their own ghosts, as I
+thought they was! It's the wonderfulest ewent that ever happened. Bring
+a feather, somebody, and knock me down with it!'
+
+'What do you mean!' exclaimed old Martin, quite as much excited by
+the spectacle of Mark's excitement as that strange person was himself.
+'Neighbours, where?'
+
+'Here, sir!' replied Mr Tapley. 'Here in the city of London! Here upon
+these very stones! Here they are, sir! Don't I know 'em? Lord love their
+welcome faces, don't I know 'em!'
+
+With which ejaculations Mr Tapley not only pointed to a decent-looking
+man and woman standing by, but commenced embracing them alternately,
+over and over again, in Monument Yard.
+
+'Neighbours, WHERE? old Martin shouted; almost maddened by his
+ineffectual efforts to get out at the coach-door.
+
+'Neighbours in America! Neighbours in Eden!' cried Mark. 'Neighbours in
+the swamp, neighbours in the bush, neighbours in the fever. Didn't she
+nurse us! Didn't he help us! Shouldn't we both have died without 'em!
+Haven't they come a-strugglin' back, without a single child for their
+consolation! And talk to me of neighbours!'
+
+Away he went again, in a perfectly wild state, hugging them, and
+skipping round them, and cutting in between them, as if he were
+performing some frantic and outlandish dance.
+
+Mr Chuzzlewit no sooner gathered who these people were, than he burst
+open the coach-door somehow or other, and came tumbling out among them;
+and as if the lunacy of Mr Tapley were contagious, he immediately began
+to shake hands too, and exhibit every demonstration of the liveliest
+joy.
+
+'Get up, behind!' he said. 'Get up in the rumble. Come along with me! Go
+you on the box, Mark. Home! Home!'
+
+'Home!' cried Mr Tapley, seizing the old man's hand in a burst of
+enthusiasm. 'Exactly my opinion, sir. Home for ever! Excuse the liberty,
+sir, I can't help it. Success to the Jolly Tapley! There's nothin' in
+the house they shan't have for the askin' for, except a bill. Home to be
+sure! Hurrah!'
+
+Home they rolled accordingly, when he had got the old man in again, as
+fast as they could go; Mark abating nothing of his fervour by the way,
+by allowing it to vent itself as unrestrainedly as if he had been on
+Salisbury Plain.
+
+And now the wedding party began to assemble at Todgers's. Mr Jinkins,
+the only boarder invited, was on the ground first. He wore a white
+favour in his button-hole, and a bran new extra super double-milled blue
+saxony dress coat (that was its description in the bill), with a variety
+of tortuous embellishments about the pockets, invented by the artist
+to do honour to the day. The miserable Augustus no longer felt strongly
+even on the subject of Jinkins. He hadn't strength of mind enough to do
+it. 'Let him come!' he had said, in answer to Miss Pecksniff, when she
+urged the point. 'Let him come! He has ever been my rock ahead through
+life. 'Tis meet he should be there. Ha, ha! Oh, yes! let Jinkins come!'
+
+Jinkins had come with all the pleasure in life, and there he was. For
+some few minutes he had no companion but the breakfast, which was set
+forth in the drawing-room, with unusual taste and ceremony. But Mrs
+Todgers soon joined him; and the bachelor cousin, the hairy young
+gentleman, and Mr and Mrs Spottletoe, arrived in quick succession.
+
+Mr Spottletoe honoured Jinkins with an encouraging bow. 'Glad to know
+you, sir,' he said. 'Give you joy!' Under the impression that Jinkins
+was the happy man.
+
+Mr Jinkins explained. He was merely doing the honours for his friend
+Moddle, who had ceased to reside in the house, and had not yet arrived.
+
+'Not arrived, sir!' exclaimed Spottletoe, in a great heat.
+
+'Not yet,' said Mr Jinkins.
+
+'Upon my soul!' cried Spottletoe. 'He begins well! Upon my life and
+honour this young man begins well! But I should very much like to know
+how it is that every one who comes into contact with this family is
+guilty of some gross insult to it. Death! Not arrived yet. Not here to
+receive us!'
+
+The nephew with the outline of a countenance, suggested that perhaps he
+had ordered a new pair of boots, and they hadn't come home.
+
+'Don't talk to me of Boots, sir!' retorted Spottletoe, with immense
+indignation. 'He is bound to come here in his slippers then; he is bound
+to come here barefoot. Don't offer such a wretched and evasive plea to
+me on behalf of your friend, as Boots, sir.'
+
+'He is not MY friend,' said the nephew. 'I never saw him.'
+
+'Very well, sir,' returned the fiery Spottletoe. 'Then don't talk to
+me!'
+
+The door was thrown open at this juncture, and Miss Pecksniff entered,
+tottering, and supported by her three bridesmaids. The strong-minded
+woman brought up the rear; having waited outside until now, for the
+purpose of spoiling the effect.
+
+'How do you do, ma'am!' said Spottletoe to the strong-minded woman in a
+tone of defiance. 'I believe you see Mrs Spottletoe, ma'am?'
+
+The strong-minded woman with an air of great interest in Mrs
+Spottletoe's health, regretted that she was not more easily seen. Nature
+erring, in that lady's case, upon the slim side.
+
+'Mrs Spottletoe is at least more easily seen than the bridegroom,
+ma'am,' returned that lady's husband. 'That is, unless he has confined
+his attentions to any particular part or branch of this family, which
+would be quite in keeping with its usual proceedings.'
+
+'If you allude to me, sir--' the strong-minded woman began.
+
+'Pray,' interposed Miss Pecksniff, 'do not allow Augustus, at this awful
+moment of his life and mine, to be the means of disturbing that harmony
+which it is ever Augustus's and my wish to maintain. Augustus has not
+been introduced to any of my relations now present. He preferred not.'
+
+'Why, then, I venture to assert,' cried Mr Spottletoe, 'that the man who
+aspires to join this family, and "prefers not" to be introduced to its
+members, is an impertinent Puppy. That is my opinion of HIM!'
+
+The strong-minded woman remarked with great suavity, that she was afraid
+he must be. Her three daughters observed aloud that it was 'Shameful!'
+
+'You do not know Augustus,' said Miss Pecksniff, tearfully, 'indeed you
+do not know him. Augustus is all mildness and humility. Wait till you
+see Augustus, and I am sure he will conciliate your affections.'
+
+'The question arises,' said Spottletoe, folding his arms: 'How long we
+are to wait. I am not accustomed to wait; that's the fact. And I want to
+know how long we are expected to wait.'
+
+'Mrs Todgers!' said Charity, 'Mr Jinkins! I am afraid there must be some
+mistake. I think Augustus must have gone straight to the Altar!'
+
+As such a thing was possible, and the church was close at hand, Mr
+Jinkins ran off to see, accompanied by Mr George Chuzzlewit the bachelor
+cousin, who preferred anything to the aggravation of sitting near the
+breakfast, without being able to eat it. But they came back with no
+other tidings than a familiar message from the clerk, importing that if
+they wanted to be married that morning they had better look sharp, as
+the curate wasn't going to wait there all day.
+
+The bride was now alarmed; seriously alarmed. Good Heavens, what could
+have happened! Augustus! Dear Augustus!
+
+Mr Jinkins volunteered to take a cab, and seek him at the
+newly-furnished house. The strong-minded woman administered comfort to
+Miss Pecksniff. 'It was a specimen of what she had to expect. It would
+do her good. It would dispel the romance of the affair.' The red-nosed
+daughters also administered the kindest comfort. 'Perhaps he'd come,'
+they said. The sketchy nephew hinted that he might have fallen off a
+bridge. The wrath of Mr Spottletoe resisted all the entreaties of his
+wife. Everybody spoke at once, and Miss Pecksniff, with clasped hands,
+sought consolation everywhere and found it nowhere, when Jinkins, having
+met the postman at the door, came back with a letter, which he put into
+her hand.
+
+Miss Pecksniff opened it, uttered a piercing shriek, threw it down upon
+the ground, and fainted away.
+
+They picked it up; and crowding round, and looking over one another's
+shoulders, read, in the words and dashes following, this communication:
+
+
+'OFF GRAVESEND.
+
+'CLIPPER SCHOONER, CUPID
+
+'Wednesday night
+
+'EVER INJURED MISS PECKSNIFF--Ere this reaches you, the undersigned
+will be--if not a corpse--on the way to Van Dieman's Land. Send not in
+pursuit. I never will be taken alive!
+
+'The burden--300 tons per register--forgive, if in my distraction,
+I allude to the ship--on my mind--has been truly dreadful.
+Frequently--when you have sought to soothe my brow with kisses--has
+self-destruction flashed across me. Frequently--incredible as it may
+seem--have I abandoned the idea.
+
+'I love another. She is Another's. Everything appears to be somebody
+else's. Nothing in the world is mine--not even my Situation--which I
+have forfeited--by my rash conduct--in running away.
+
+'If you ever loved me, hear my last appeal! The last appeal of a
+miserable and blighted exile. Forward the inclosed--it is the key of my
+desk--to the office--by hand. Please address to Bobbs and Cholberry--I
+mean to Chobbs and Bolberry--but my mind is totally unhinged. I left a
+penknife--with a buckhorn handle--in your work-box. It will repay the
+messenger. May it make him happier than ever it did me!
+
+'Oh, Miss Pecksniff, why didn't you leave me alone! Was it not cruel,
+CRUEL! Oh, my goodness, have you not been a witness of my feelings--have
+you not seen them flowing from my eyes--did you not, yourself, reproach
+me with weeping more than usual on that dreadful night when last we
+met--in that house--where I once was peaceful--though blighted--in the
+society of Mrs Todgers!
+
+'But it was written--in the Talmud--that you should involve yourself in
+the inscrutable and gloomy Fate which it is my mission to accomplish,
+and which wreathes itself--e'en now--about in temples. I will not
+reproach, for I have wronged you. May the Furniture make some amends!
+
+'Farewell! Be the proud bride of a ducal coronet, and forget me!
+Long may it be before you know the anguish with which I now subscribe
+myself--amid the tempestuous howlings of the--sailors,
+
+'Unalterably,
+
+'Never yours,
+
+'AUGUSTUS.'
+
+
+They thought as little of Miss Pecksniff, while they greedily perused
+this letter, as if she were the very last person on earth whom it
+concerned. But Miss Pecksniff really had fainted away. The bitterness of
+her mortification; the bitterness of having summoned witnesses, and
+such witnesses, to behold it; the bitterness of knowing that the
+strong-minded women and the red-nosed daughters towered triumphant in
+this hour of their anticipated overthrow; was too much to be borne. Miss
+Pecksniff had fainted away in earnest.
+
+
+What sounds are these that fall so grandly on the ear! What darkening
+room is this!
+
+And that mild figure seated at an organ, who is he! Ah Tom, dear Tom,
+old friend!
+
+Thy head is prematurely grey, though Time has passed thee and our old
+association, Tom. But, in those sounds with which it is thy wont to bear
+the twilight company, the music of thy heart speaks out--the story of
+thy life relates itself.
+
+Thy life is tranquil, calm, and happy, Tom. In the soft strain which
+ever and again comes stealing back upon the ear, the memory of thine
+old love may find a voice perhaps; but it is a pleasant, softened,
+whispering memory, like that in which we sometimes hold the dead, and
+does not pain or grieve thee, God be thanked.
+
+Touch the notes lightly, Tom, as lightly as thou wilt, but never will
+thine hand fall half so lightly on that Instrument as on the head of
+thine old tyrant brought down very, very low; and never will it make as
+hollow a response to any touch of thine, as he does always.
+
+For a drunken, begging, squalid, letter-writing man, called Pecksniff,
+with a shrewish daughter, haunts thee, Tom; and when he makes appeals to
+thee for cash, reminds thee that he built thy fortunes better than his
+own; and when he spends it, entertains the alehouse company with tales
+of thine ingratitude and his munificence towards thee once upon a time;
+and then he shows his elbows worn in holes, and puts his soleless
+shoes up on a bench, and begs his auditors look there, while thou art
+comfortably housed and clothed. All known to thee, and yet all borne
+with, Tom!
+
+So, with a smile upon thy face, thou passest gently to another
+measure--to a quicker and more joyful one--and little feet are used to
+dance about thee at the sound, and bright young eyes to glance up
+into thine. And there is one slight creature, Tom--her child; not
+Ruth's--whom thine eyes follow in the romp and dance; who, wondering
+sometimes to see thee look so thoughtful, runs to climb up on thy knee,
+and put her cheek to thine; who loves thee, Tom, above the rest, if that
+can be; and falling sick once, chose thee for her nurse, and never knew
+impatience, Tom, when thou wert by her side.
+
+Thou glidest, now, into a graver air; an air devoted to old friends and
+bygone times; and in thy lingering touch upon the keys, and the rich
+swelling of the mellow harmony, they rise before thee. The spirit of
+that old man dead, who delighted to anticipate thy wants, and never
+ceased to honour thee, is there, among the rest; repeating, with a face
+composed and calm, the words he said to thee upon his bed, and blessing
+thee!
+
+And coming from a garden, Tom, bestrewn with flowers by children's
+hands, thy sister, little Ruth, as light of foot and heart as in old
+days, sits down beside thee. From the Present, and the Past, with which
+she is so tenderly entwined in all thy thoughts, thy strain soars onward
+to the Future. As it resounds within thee and without, the noble music,
+rolling round ye both, shuts out the grosser prospect of an earthly
+parting, and uplifts ye both to Heaven!
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Life And Adventures Of Martin
+Chuzzlewit, by Charles Dickens
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