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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/8689-8.txt b/8689-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6c4945d --- /dev/null +++ b/8689-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,16137 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Eleven Comedies, by Aristophanes et al + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the +copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing +this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook. + +This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project +Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: The Eleven Comedies + +Author: Aristophanes et al + +Release Date: August, 2005 [EBook #8689] +[This file was first posted on August 1, 2003] +Last Updated: October 21, 2019 + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO Latin-1 + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE ELEVEN COMEDIES *** + + + + +Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Thomas Berger, and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team. + + + +The Athenian Society + + +ARISTOPHANES + +THE ELEVEN COMEDIES + + +Now For The First Time Literally And Completely Translated From The Greek +Tongue Into English + +With Translator's Foreword An Introduction To Each Comedy And Elucidatory +Notes + + +The Second Of Two Volumes + + * * * * * + +CONTENTS OF THE SECOND VOLUME + +THE WASPS +Introduction +Text And Notes + +THE BIRDS +Introduction +Text And Notes + +THE FROGS +Introduction +Text And Notes + +THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE +Introduction +Text And Notes + +THE ECCLESIAZUSAE +Introduction +Text And Notes + +PLUTUS +Introduction +Text And Notes + +INDEX + + + + +THE WASPS + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +"This Comedy, which was produced by its Author the year after the +performance of 'The Clouds,' may be taken as in some sort a companion +picture to that piece. Here the satire is directed against the passion of +the Athenians for the excitement of the law-courts, as in the former its +object was the new philosophy. And as the younger generation--the modern +school of thought--were there the subjects of the caricature, so here the +older citizens, who took their seats in court as jurymen day by day, to +the neglect of their private affairs and the encouragement of a litigious +disposition, appear in their turn in the mirror which the satirist holds +up." + +There are only two characters of any importance to the action--Philocleon +('friend of Cleon') and his son Bdelycleon ('enemy of Cleon'). The plot +is soon told. Philocleon is a bigoted devotee of the malady of +litigiousness so typical of his countrymen and an enthusiastic attendant +at the Courts in his capacity of 'dicast' or juryman. Bdelycleon +endeavours to persuade his father by every means in his power to change +this unsatisfactory manner of life for something nobler and more +profitable; but all in vain. As a last resource he keeps his father a +prisoner indoors, so that he cannot attend the tribunals. + +The old man tries to escape, and these attempts are conceived in the +wildest vein of extravaganza. He endeavours to get out by the chimney, +pretending he is "only the smoke"; and all hands rush to clap a cover on +the chimney-top, and a big stone on that. He slips through a hole in the +tiles, and sits on the roof, pretending to be "only a sparrow"; and they +have to set a net to catch him. Then the Chorus of Wasps, representing +Philocleon''s fellow 'dicasts,' appear on the scene to rescue him. A +battle royale takes place on the stage; the Wasps, with their formidable +stings, trying to storm the house, while the son and his retainers defend +their position with desperate courage. Finally the assailants are +repulsed, and father and son agree upon a compromise. Bdelycleon +promises, on condition that his father gives up attending the public +trails, to set up a mock tribunal for him in his own house. + +Presently the theft of a Sicilian cheese by the house-dog Labes gives the +old fellow an opportunity of exercising his judicial functions. Labes is +duly arraigned and witnesses examines. But alas! Philocleon inadvertently +casts his vote for the defendant's _acquittal_, the first time in his +life "such a thing has ever occurred," and the old man nearly dies of +vexation. + +At this point follows the 'Parabasis,' or Author's personal address to +the audience, after which the concluding portion of the play has little +connection with the main theme. This is a fault, according to modern +ideas, common to many of these Comedies, but it is especially marked in +this particular instance. The final part might almost be a separate play, +under the title perhaps of 'The dicast turned gentleman,' and relates +various ridiculous mistakes and laughable blunders committed by +Philocleon, who, having given up his attendance on the law-courts, has +set up for playing a part in polite society. + +The drama, as was very often the case, takes its title from the Chorus--a +band of old men dressed up as wasps, who acrimonious, stinging, +exasperated temper is meant to typify the character fostered among +Athenian citizens by excessive addiction to forensic business. + +Racine, in the only comedy he attempted, 'Les Plaideurs,' borrows the +incident of the mock trial of the house-dog, amplifying and adding +further diverting features. + +Perhaps 'The Wasps' is the least amusing of all our Author's pieces which +have come down to us--at any rate to a modern reader. The theme of its +satire, the litigious spirit of the Athenians, is after all purely local +and temporary, while the fun often strikes us as thin and forced. +Schlegel writes in his 'Dramatic Literature': "The subject is too +limited, the folly it ridicules appears a disease of too singular a +description, without a sufficient universality of application, and the +action is too much drawn out." + + * * * * * + +THE WASPS + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +PHILOCLEON, a Dicast. +BDELYCLEON, his Son. +SOSIAS, House-servant of Philocleon. +XANTHIAS, House-servant of Philocleon. +BOYS. +A DOG. +A BAKER'S WIFE. +ACCUSER. +CHORUS OF ELDERS, costumed as Wasps. + +SCENE: Philocleon's house at Athens. + + * * * * * + +THE WASPS + + +SOSIAS. Why, Xanthias! what are you doing, wretched man? + +XANTHIAS. I am teaching myself how to rest; I have been awake and on +watch the whole night. + +SOSIAS. So you want to earn trouble for your ribs,[1] eh? Don't you know +what sort of an animal we are guarding here? + +XANTHIAS. Aye indeed! but I want to put my cares to sleep for a while. + +SOSIAS. Beware what you do. I too feel soft sleep spreading over my eyes. +Resist it, for you must be as mad as a Corybant if you fall asleep.[2] + +XANTHIAS. No! 'Tis Bacchus who lulls me off. + +SOSIAS. Then you serve the same god as myself. Just now a heavy slumber +settled on my eyelids like a hostile Mede; A nodded and, faith! I had a +wondrous dream. + +XANTHIAS. Indeed! and so had I. A dream such as I never had before. But +first tell me yours. + +SOSIAS. Methinks I saw an eagle, a gigantic bird, descend upon the +market-place; it seized a brazen buckler with its talons and bore it away +into the highest heavens; then I saw 'twas Cleonymus had thrown it away. + +XANTHIAS. This Cleonymus is a riddle worth propounding among guests. How +can one and the same animal have cast away his buckler both on land, in +the sky and at sea?[3] + +SOSIAS. Alas! what ill does such a dream portend for me? + +XANTHIAS. Rest undisturbed! An it please the gods, no evil will befall +you. + +SOSIAS. Nevertheless, 'tis a fatal omen when a man throws away his +weapons. But what was your dream? Let me hear. + +XANTHIAS. Oh! it is a dream of high import. It has reference to the hull +of the State; to nothing less. + +SOSIAS. Tell it me quickly; show me its very keel. + +XANTHIAS. In my first slumber I thought I saw sheep, wearing cloaks and +carrying staves,[4] met in assembly on the Pnyx; a rapacious whale was +haranguing them and screaming like a pig that is being grilled. + +SOSIAS. Faugh! faugh! + +XANTHIAS. What's the matter? + +SOSIAS. Enough, enough, spare me. Your dream stinks vilely of old +leather.[5] + +XANTHIAS. Then this scoundrelly whale seized a balance and set to +weighing ox-fat.[6] + +SOSIAS. Alas! 'tis our poor Athenian people, whom this accursed beast +wished to cut up and despoil of their fat. + +XANTHIAS. Seated on the ground close to it, I saw Theorus,[7] who had the +head of a crow. The Alcibiades said to me in his lisping way, "Do you +thee? Theoruth hath a crow'th head."[8] + +SOSIAS. Ah! 'twas very well lisped indeed! + +XANTHIAS. This is might strange; Theorus turning into a crow! + +SOSIAS. No, it is glorious. + +XANTHIAS. Why? + +SOSIAS. Why? He was a man and now he has suddenly become a crow; does it +not foretoken that he will take his flight from here and go to the +crows?[9] + +XANTHIAS. Interpreting dreams so aptly certainly deserves two obols.[10] + +SOSIAS. Come, I must explain the matter to the spectators. But first a +few words of preamble: expect nothing very high-flown from us, nor any +jests stolen from Megara;[11] we have no slaves, who throw baskets of +nuts[12] to the spectators, nor any Heracles to be robbed of his +dinner,[13] nor is Euripides loaded with contumely; and despite the happy +chance that gave Cleon his fame[14] we shall not go out of our way to +belabour him again. Our little subject is not wanting in sense; it is +well within your capacity and at the same time cleverer than many vulgar +Comedies.--We have a master of great renown, who is now sleeping up there +on the other story. He has bidden us keep guard over his father, whom he +has locked in, so that he may not go out. This father has a curious +complaint; not one of you could hit upon or guess it, if I did not tell +you.--Well then, try! I hear Amynias, the son of Pronapus, over there, +saying, "He is addicted to gambling." + +XANTHIAS. He's wrong! He is imputing his own malady to others. + +SOSIAS. No, yet love is indeed the principal part of his disease. Ah! +here is Sosias telling Dercylus, "He loves drinking." + +XANTHIAS. Not at all! The love of wine is the complaint of good men. + +SOSIAS. "Well then," says Nicostratus of the Scambonian deme, "he either +loves sacrifices or else strangers." + +XANTHIAS. Ah! great gods! no, he is not fond of strangers, Nicostratus, +for he who says "Philoxenus" means a dirty fellow.[15] + +SOSIAS. 'Tis mere waste of time, you will not find it out. If you want to +know it, keep silence! I will tell you our master's complaint: of all +men, it is he who is fondest of the Heliaea.[16] Thus, to be judging is +his hobby, and he groans if he is not sitting on the first seat. He does +not close an eye at night, and if he dozes off for an instant his mind +flies instantly to the clepsydra.[17] He is so accustomed to hold the +balloting pebble, that he awakes with his three fingers pinched +together[18] as if he were offering incense to the new moon. If he sees +scribbled on some doorway, "How charming is Demos,[19] the son of +Pyrilampes!" he will write beneath it, "How charming is Cemos!"[20] His +cock crowed one evening; said he, "He has had money from the accused to +awaken me too late."[21] As soon as he rises from supper he bawls for his +shoes and away he rushes down there before dawn to sleep beforehand, +glued fast to the column like an oyster.[22] He is a merciless judge, +never failing to draw the convicting line[23] and return home with his +nails full of wax like a bumble-bee. Fearing he might run short of +pebbles[24] he keeps enough at home to cover a sea-beach, so that he may +have the means of recording his sentence. Such is his madness, and all +advice is useless; he only judges the more each day. So we keep him under +lock and key, to prevent his going out; for his son is broken-hearted +over this mania. At first he tried him with gentleness, wanted to +persuade him to wear the cloak no longer,[25] to go out no more; unable +to convince him, he had him bathed and purified according to the +ritual[26] without any greater success, and then handed him over the the +Corybantes;[27] but the old man escaped them, and carrying off the +kettle-drum,[28] rushed right into the midst of the Heliasts. As Cybelé +could do nothing with her rites, his son took him again to Aegina and +forcibly made him lie one night in the temple of Asclepius, the God of +Healing, but before daylight there he was to be seen at the gate of the +tribunal. Since then we let him go out no more, but he escaped us by the +drains or by the skylights, so we stuffed up every opening with old rags +and made all secure; then he drove short sticks into the wall and sprang +from rung to rung like a magpie. Now we have stretched nets all round the +court and we keep watch and ward. The old man's name is Philocleon,[29] +'tis the best name he could have, and the son is called Bdelycleon,[30] +for he is a man very fit to cure an insolent fellow of his boasting. + +BDELYCLEON. Xanthias! Sosias! Are you asleep? + +XANTHIAS. Oh! oh! + +SOSIAS. What is the matter? + +XANTHIAS. Why, Bdelycleon is rising. + +BDELYCLEON. Will neither of you come here? My father has got into the +stove-chamber and is ferreting about like a rat in his hole. Take care he +does not escape through the bath drain. You there, put all your weight +against the door. + +SOSIAS. Aye, aye, master. + +BDELYCLEON. By Zeus! what is that noise in the chimney? Hullo! who are +you? + +PHILOCLEON. I am the smoke going up. + +BDELYCLEON. Smoke? smoke of what wood? + +PHILOCLEON. Of fig-wood.[31] + +BDELYCLEON. Ah! 'this the most acrid of all. But you shall not get out. +Where is the chimney cover?[32] Come down again. Now, up with another +cross-bar. Now look out some fresh dodge. But am I not the most +unfortunate of men? Henceforward, I shall only be called the son of the +smoky old man. Slave, hold the door stoutly, throw your weight upon it, +come, put heart into the work. I will come and help you. Watch both lock +and bolt. Take care he does not gnaw through the peg. + +PHILOCLEON. What are you dong, you wretches? Let me go out; it is +imperative that I go and judge, or Dracontides will be acquitted. + +BDELYCLEON. What a dreadful calamity for you! + +PHILOCLEON. Once at Delphi, the god, whom I was consulting, foretold, +that if an accused man escaped me, I should die of consumption. + +BDELYCLEON. Apollo, the Saviour, what a prophecy! + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! I beseech you, if you do not want my death, let me go. + +BDELYCLEON. No, Philocleon, no never, by Posidon! + +PHILOCLEON. Well then, I shall gnaw through the net[33] with my teeth. + +BDELYCLEON. But you have no teeth. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! you rascal, how can I kill you? How? Give me a sword, +quick, or a conviction tablet. + +BDELYCLEON. Our friend is planning some great crime. + +PHILOCLEON. No, by Zeus! but I want to go and sell my ass and its +panniers, for 'this the first of the month.[34] + +BDELYCLEON. Could I not sell it just as well? + +PHILOCLEON. Not as well as I could. + +BDELYCLEON. No, but better. Come, bring it here, bring it here by all +means--if you can. + +XANTHIAS. What a clever excuse he has found now! What cunning to get you +to let him go out! + +BDELYCLEON. Yes, but I have not swallowed the hook; I scented the trick. +I will go in and fetch the ass, so that the old man may not point his +weapons that way again....[35] Stupid old ass, are you weeping because +you are going to be sold? Come, go a bit quicker. Why, what are you +moaning and groaning for? You might be carrying another Odysseus.[36] + +XANTHIAS. Why, certainly, so he is! someone has crept beneath his belly. + +BDELYCLEON. Who, who? Let us see. + +XANTHIAS. 'Tis he. + +BDELYCLEON. What does this mean? Who are you? Come, speak! + +PHILOCLEON. I am Nobody. + +BDELYCLEON. Nobody? Of what country? + +PHILOCLEON. Of Ithaca, son of Apodrasippides.[37] + +BDELYCLEON. Ha! Mister Nobody, you will not laugh presently. Pull him +out quick! Ah! the wretch, where has be crept to? Does he not resemble +a she-ass to the life? + +PHILOCLEON. If you do not leave me in peace, I shall commence +proceedings. + +BDELYCLEON. And what will the suit be about? + +PHILOCLEON. The shade of an ass.[38] + +BDELYCLEON. You are a poor man of very little wit, but thoroughly brazen. + +PHILOCLEON. A poor man! Ah! by Zeus! you know not now what I am worth; +but you will know when you disembowel the old Heliast's money bag.[39] + +BDELYCLEON. Come, get back indoors, both you and your ass. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! my brethren of the tribunal! oh! Cleon! to the rescue! + +BDELYCLEON. Go and bawl in there under lock and key. And you there, pile +plenty of stones against the door, thrust the bolt home into the staple, +and to keep this beam in its place roll that great mortar against it. +Quick's the word. + +SOSIAS. Oh! my god! whence did this brick fall on me? + +XANTHIAS. Perhaps a rat loosened it. + +SOSIAS. A rat? 'tis surely our gutter-judge,[40] who has crept beneath +the tiles of the roof. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! woe to us! there he is, he has turned into a sparrow; he +will be flying off. Where is the net? where? pschit! pschit! get back! + +BDELYCLEON. Ah! by Zeus! I would rather have to guard Scioné[41] than +such a father. + +SOSIAS. And how that we have driven him in thoroughly and he can no +longer escape without our knowledge, can we not have a few winks of +sleep, no matter how few? + +BDELYCLEON. Why, wretch! the other jurymen will be here almost directly +to summon my father! + +SOSIAS. Why, 'tis scarcely dawn yet! + +BDELYCLEON. Ah, they must have risen late to-day. Generally it is the +middle of the night when they come to fetch him. They arrive here, +carrying lanterns in their hands and singing the charming old verses of +Phrynichus' "Sidonian Women";[42] 'tis their way of calling him. + +SOSIAS. Well, if need be, we will chase them off with stones. + +BDELYCLEON. What! you dare to speak so? Why, this class of old men, if +irritated, becomes as terrible as a swarm of wasps. They carry below +their loins the sharpest of stings, with which to sting their foe; they +shout and leap and their stings burn like so many sparks. + +SOSIAS. Have no fear! If I can find stones to throw into this nest of +jurymen-wasps, I shall soon have them cleared off. + +CHORUS. March on, advance boldly and bravely! Comias, your feet are +dragging; once you were as tough as a dog-skin strap and now even +Charinades walks better than you. Ha! Strymodorus of Conthylé, you best +of mates, where is Euergides and where is Chales of Phyla? Ha, ha, +bravo! there you are, the last of the lads with whom we mounted guard +together at Byzantium.[43] Do you remember how, one night, prowling +round, we noiselessly stole the kneading-trough of a baker's-wife; we +split it in two and cooked our green-stuff with it.--But let us hasten, +for the case of the Laches[44] comes on to-day, and they all say he has +embezzled a pot of money. Hence Cleon, our protector, advised us +yesterday to come early and with a three days' stock of fiery rage so as +to chastise him for his crimes. Let us hurry, comrades, before it is +light; come, let us search every nook with our lanterns to see whether +those who wish us ill have not set us some trap. + +BOY. Ah! here is mud! Father, take care! + +CHORUS. Pick up a blade of straw and trim the lamp of your lantern. + +BOY. No, I can trim it quite well with my finger. + +CHORUS. Why do you pull out the wick, you little dolt? Oil is scarce, +and 'tis not you who suffer when it has to be paid for. (_Strikes him._) + +BOY. If you teach us again with your fists, we shall put out the lamps +and go home; then you will have no light and will squatter about in the +mud like ducks in the dark. + +CHORUS. I know how to punish other offenders bigger than you. But I think +I am treading in some mud. Oh! 'tis certain it will rain in torrents for +four days at least; look, what thieves are in our lamps; that is always +a sign of heavy rain; but the rain and the north wind will be good for +the crops that are still standing.... Why, what can have happened to our +mate, who lives here? Why does he not come to join our party? There +used to be no need to haul him in our wake, for he would march at our +head singing the verses of Phrynichus; he was a lover of singing. Should +we not, friends, make a halt here and sign to call him out? The charm of +my voice will fetch him out, if he hears it. + +Why does the old man not show himself before the door? why does he not +answer? Has he lost his shoes? has he stubbed his toe in the dark and +thus got a swollen ankle? Perhaps he has a tumour in his groin. He was +the hardest of us all; he alone _never_ allowed himself to be moved. If +anyone tried to move him, he would lower his head, saying, "You might +just as well try to boil a stone." But I bethink me, an accused ma +escaped us yesterday through his false pretence that he loved Athens and +had been the first to unfold the Samian plot.[45] Perhaps his acquittal +has so distressed Philocleon that he is abed with fever--he is quite +capable of such a thing.--Friend, arise, do not thus vex your heart, but +forget your wrath. Today we have to judge a man made wealthy by treason, +one of those who set Thrace free;[46] we have to prepare him a funeral +urn ... so march on, my boy, get a-going. + +BOY. Father, would you give me something if I asked for it? + +CHORUS. Assuredly, my child, but tell me what nice thing do you want me +to buy you? A set of knuckle-bones, I suppose. + +BOY. No, dad, I prefer figs; they are better. + +CHORUS. No, by Zeus! even if you were to hang yourself with vexation. + +BOY. Well then, I will lead you no father. + +CHORUS. With my small pay, I am obliged to buy bread, wood, stew; and now +you ask me for figs! + +BOY. But, father, if the Archon[47] should not form a court to-day, how +are we to buy our dinner? Have you some good hope to offer us or merely +"Hellé's sacred waves"?[48] + +CHORUS. Alas! alas! I have not a notion how we shall dine. + +BOY. Oh! my poor mother! why did you let me see this day? + +CHORUS. Oh! my little wallet! you seem like to be a mere useless +ornament! + +BOY. 'Tis our destiny to groan. + +PHILOCLEON.[49] My friends, I have long been pining away while listening +to you from my window, but I absolutely know not what do do. I am +detained here, because I have long wanted to go with you to the law court +and do all the harm I can. Oh! Zeus! cause the peals of they thunder to +roll, change me quickly into smoke or make me into a Proxenides, a +perfect braggart, like the son of Sellus. Oh, King of Heaven! hesitate +not to grant me this favour, pity my misfortune or else may thy dazzling +lightning instantly reduce me to ashes; then carry me hence, and may thy +breath hurl me into some burning pickle[50] or turn me into one of the +stones on which the votes are counted. + +CHORUS. Who is it detains you and shuts you in? Speak, for you are +talking to friends. + +PHILOCLEON. 'Tis my son. But no bawling, he is there in front asleep; +lower your voice. + +CHORUS. But, poor fellow, what is his aim? what is his object? + +PHILOCLEON. My friends, he will not have me judge nor do anyone any ill, +but he wants me to stay at home and enjoy myself, and I will not. + +CHORUS. This wretch, this Demolochocleon[51] dares to say such odious +things, just because you tell the truth about our navy! + +PHILOCLEON. He would not have dared, had he not been a conspirator. + +CHORUS. Meanwhile, you must devise some new dodge, so that you can come +down here without his knowledge. + +PHILOCLEON. But what? Try to find some way. For myself, I am ready for +anything, so much do I burn to run along the tiers of the tribunal with +my voting-pebble in my hand. + +CHORUS. There is surely some hole through which you could manage to +squeeze from within, and escape dressed in rags, like the crafty +Odysseus.[52] + +PHILOCLEON. Everything is sealed fast; not so much as a gnat could get +through. Think of some other plan; there is no possible hold of escape. + +CHORUS. Do you recall how, when you were with the army at the taking of +Naxos,[53] you descended so readily from the top of the wall by means of +the spits you have stolen? + +PHILOCLEON. I remember that well enough, but what connection is there +with present circumstances? I was young, clever at thieving, I had all my +strength, none watched over me, and I could run off without fear. But +to-day men-at-arms are placed at every outlet to watch me, and two of +them are lying in wait for me at this very door armed with spits, just as +folk lie in wait for a cat that has stolen a piece of meat. + +CHORUS. Come, discover some way as quick as possible. Here is the dawn +come, my dear little friend. + +PHILOCLEON. The best way is to gnaw through the net. Oh! goddess, who +watches over the nets,[54] forgive me for making a hole in this one. + +CHORUS. 'Tis acting like a man eager for his safety. Get your jaws to +work! + +PHILOCLEON. There! 'tis gnawed through! But no shouting! let Bdelycleon +notice nothing! + +CHORUS. Have no fear, have no fear! if he breathes a syllable, 'twill be +to bruise his own knuckles; he will have to fight to defend his own head. +We shall teach him not to insult the mysteries of the goddesses.[55] But +fasten a rope to the window, tie it around your body and let yourself +down to the ground, with your heart bursting with the fury of +Diopithes.[56] + +PHILOCLEON. But if these notice it and want to fish me up and drag me +back into the house, what will you do? Tell me that. + +CHORUS. We shall call up the full strength of out courage to your aid. +That is what we will do. + +PHILOCLEON. I trust myself to you and risk the danger. If misfortune +overtakes me, take away my body, bathe it with your tears and bury it +beneath the bar of the tribunal. + +CHORUS. Nothing will happen to you, rest assured. Come friend, have +courage and let yourself slide down while you invoke your country's gods. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! mighty Lycus![57] noble hero and my neighbour, thou, like +myself, takest pleasure in the tears and the groans of the accused. If +thou art come to live near the tribunal, 'tis with the express design of +hearing them incessantly; thou alone of all the heroes hast wished to +remain among those who weep. Have pity on me and save him, who lives +close to thee; I swear I will never make water, never, nor relieve my +belly with a fart against the railing of thy statue. + +BDELYCLEON. Ho there! ho! get up! + +SOSIAS. What's the matter? + +BDELYCLEON. Methought I heard talking close to me. + +SOSIAS. Is the old man at it again, escaping through some loophole? + +BDELYCLEON. No, by Zeus! no, but he is letting himself down by a rope. + +SOSIAS. Ha, rascal! what are you doing there? You shall not descend. + +BDELYCLEON. Mount quick to the other window, strike him with the boughs +that hang over the entrance; perchance he will turn back when he feels +himself being thrashed. + +PHILOCLEON. To the rescue! all you, who are going to have lawsuits this +year--Smicythion, Tisiades, Chremon and Pheredipnus. 'Tis now or never, +before they force me to return, that you must help. + +CHORUS. Why do we delay to let loose that fury, that is so terrible, when +our nests are attacked? I feel my angry sting is stiffening, that sharp +sting, with which we punish our enemies. Come, children, cast your cloaks +to the winds, run, shout, tell Cleon what is happening, that he may march +against this foe to our city, who deserves death, since he proposes to +prevent the trial of lawsuits. + +BDELYCLEON. Friends, listen to the truth, instead of bawling. + +CHORUS. By Zeus! we will shout to heaven and never forsake our friend. +Why, this is intolerable, 'tis manifest tyranny. Oh! citizens, oh! +Theorus,[58] the enemy of the gods! and all you flatterers, who rule us! +come to our aid. + +XANTHIAS. By Heracles! they have stings. Do you see them, master? + +BDELYCLEON. 'Twas with these weapons that they killed Philippus the son +of Gorgias[59] when he was put on trial. + +CHORUS. And you too shall die. Turn yourselves this way, all, with your +stings out for attack and throw yourselves upon him in good and serried +order, and swelled up with wrath and rage. Let him learn to know the sort +of foes he has dared to irritate. + +XANTHIAS. The fight will be fast and furious, by great Zeus! I tremble at +the sight of their stings. + +CHORUS. Let this man go, unless you want to envy the tortoise his hard +shell. + +PHILOCLEON. Come, my dear companions, wasps with relentless hearts, fly +against him, animated with your fury. Sting him in the back, in his eyes +and on his fingers. + +BDELYCLEON. Midas, Phryx, Masyntias, here! Come and help. Seize this man +and hand him over to no one, otherwise you shall starve to death in +chains. Fear nothing, I have often heard the crackling of fig-leaves in +the fire.[60] + +CHORUS. If you won't let him go, I shall bury this sting in your body. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh, Cecrops, mighty hero with the tail of a dragon! Seest +thou how these barbarians ill-use me--me, who have many a time made them +weep a full bushel of tears? + +CHORUS. Is not old age filled with cruel ills? What violence these two +slaves offer to their old master! they have forgotten all bygones, the +fur-coats and the jackets and the caps he bought for them; in winter he +watched that their feet should not get frozen. And only see them now; +there is no gentleness in their look nor any recollection of the slippers +of other days. + +PHILOCLEON. Will you let me go, you accursed animal? Don't you remember +the day when I surprised you stealing the grapes; I tied you to an +olive-tree and I cut open your bottom with such vigorous lashes that +folks thought you had been pedicated. Get away, you are ungrateful. But +let go of me, and you too, before my son comes up. + +CHORUS. You shall repay us for all this and 'twill not be long first. +Tremble at our ferocious glance; you shall taste our just anger. + +BDELYCLEON. Strike! strike, Xanthias! Drive these wasps away from the +house. + +XANTHIAS. That's just what I am doing; but do you smoke them out +thoroughly too. + +SOSIAS. You will not go? The plague seize you! Will you not clear off? +Xanthias, strike them with your stick! + +XANTHIAS. And you, to smoke them out better, throw Aeschinus, the son of +Selartius, on the fire. Ah! we were bound to drive you off in the end. + +BDELYCLEON. Eh! by Zeus! you would not have put them to flight so easily +if they had fed on the verses of Philocles. + +CHORUS. It is clear to all the poor that tyranny has attacked us sorely. +Proud emulator of Amynias, you, who only take pleasure in doing ill, see +how you are preventing us from obeying the laws of the city; you do not +even seek a pretext or any plausible excuse, but claim to rule alone. + +BDELYCLEON. Hold! A truce to all blows and brawling! Had we not better +confer together and come to some understanding? + +CHORUS. Confer with you, the people's foe! with you, a royalist, the +accomplice of Brasidas![61] with you, who wear woollen fringes on your +cloak and let your beard grow! + +BDELYCLEON. Ah! it were better to separate altogether from my father than +to steer my boat daily through such stormy seas! + +CHORUS. Oh! you have but reached the parsley and the rue, to use the +common saying.[62] What you are suffering is nothing! but welcome the +hour when the advocate shall adduce all these same arguments against you +and shall summon your accomplices to give witness. + +BDELYCLEON. In the name of the gods! withdraw or we shall fight you the +whole day long. + +CHORUS. No, not as long as I retain an atom of breath. Ha! your desire is +to tyrannize over us! + +BDELYCLEON. Everything is now tyranny with us, no matter what is +concerned, whether it be large or small. Tyranny! I have not heard the +word mentioned once in fifty years, and now it is more common than +salt-fish, the word is even current on the market. If you are buying +gurnards and don't want anchovies, the huckster next door, who is selling +the latter, at once exclaims, "That is a man, whose kitchen savours of +tyranny!" If you ask for onions to season your fish, the green-stuff +woman winks one eye and asks, "Ha! you ask for onions! are you seeking to +tyrannize, or do you think that Athens must pay you your seasonings as a +tribute?" + +XANTHIAS. Yesterday I went to see a gay girl about noon and suggested she +should mount and ride me; she flew into a rage, pretending I wanted to +restore the tyranny of Hippias.[63] + +BDELYCLEON. That's the talk that pleases the people! As for myself, I +want my father to lead a joyous life like Morychus[64] instead of going +away before dawn to basely calumniate and condemn; and for this I am +accused of conspiracy and tyrannical practice! + +PHILOCLEON. And quite right too, by Zeus! The most exquisite dishes do +not make up to me for the life of which you deprive me. I scorn your red +mullet and your eels, and would far rather eat a nice little law suitlet +cooked in the pot. + +BDELYCLEON. 'Tis because you have got used to seeking your pleasure in +it; but if you will agree to keep silence and hear me, I think I could +persuade you that you deceive yourself altogether. + +PHILOCLEON. _I_ deceive myself, when I am judging? + +BDELYCLEON. You do not see that you are the laughing-stock of these men, +whom you are ready to worship. You are their slave and do not know it. + +PHILOCLEON. _I_ a slave, I, who lord it over all! + +BDELYCLEON. Not at all, you think you are ruling when you are only +obeying. Tell me, father, what do you get out of the tribute paid by so +many Greek towns? + +PHILOCLEON. Much, and I appoint my colleagues jurymen. + +BDELYCLEON. And I also. Release him, all of you, and bring me a sword. If +my arguments do not prevail I will fall upon this blade. As for you, tell +me whether you accept the verdict of the Court. + +PHILOCLEON. May I never drink my Heliast's pay in honour of the good +Genius, if I do not. + +CHORUS. Tis now we have to draw upon our arsenal for some fresh weapon; +above all do not side with this youth in his opinions. You see how +serious the question has become; 'twill be all over with us, which the +gods forfend, if he should prevail. + +BDELYCLEON. Let someone bring me my tablets with all speed! + +CHORUS. Your tablets? Ha, ha! what an importance you would fain assume! + +BDELYCLEON. I merely wish to note down my father's points. + +PHILOCLEON. But what will you say of it, if he should triumph in the +debate? + +CHORUS. That old men are no longer good for anything; we shall be +perpetually laughed at in the streets, shall be called thallophores,[65] +mere brief-bags. You are to be the champion of all our rights and +sovereignty. Come, take courage! Bring into action all the resources of +your wit. + +PHILOCLEON. At the outset I will prove to you that there exists no king +whose might is greater than ours. Is there a pleasure, a blessing +comparable with that of a juryman? Is there a being who lives more in the +midst of delights, who is more feared, aged though he be? From the moment +I leave my bed, men of power, the most illustrious in the city, await me +at the bar of the tribunal; the moment I am seen from the greatest +distance, they come forward to offer me a gentle hand,--that has pilfered +the public funds; they entreat me, bowing right low and with a piteous +voice, "Oh! father," they say, "pity me, I adjure you by the profit _you_ +were able to make in the public service or in the army, when dealing with +the victuals." Why, the man who thus speaks would not know of my +existence, had I not let him off on some former occasion. + +BDELYCLEON. Let us note this first point, the supplicants. + +PHILOCLEON. These entreaties have appeased my wrath, and I enter--firmly +resolved to do nothing that I have promised. Nevertheless I listen to the +accused. Oh! what tricks to secure acquittal! Ah! there is no form of +flattery that is not addressed to the heliast! Some groan over their +poverty and they exaggerate the truth in order to make their troubles +equal to my own. Others tell us anecdotes or some comic story from Aesop. +Others, again, cut jokes; they fancy I shall be appeased if I laugh. If +we are not even then won over, why, then they drag forward their young +children by the hand, both boys and girls, who prostrate themselves and +whine with one accord, and then the father, trembling as if before a god, +beseeches me not to condemn him out of pity for them, "If you love the +voice of the lamb, have pity on my son's"; and because I am fond of +little sows,[66] I must yield to his daughter's prayers. Then we relax +the heat of our wrath a little for him. Is not this great power indeed, +which allows even wealth to be disdained? + +BDELYCLEON. A second point to note, the disdain of wealth. And now recall +to me what are the advantages you enjoy, you, who pretend to rule over +Greece? + +PHILOCLEON. Being entrusted with the inspection of the young men, we have +a right to examine their organs. Is Aeagrus[67] accused, he is not +acquitted before he has recited a passage from 'Niobe'[68] and he chooses +the finest. If a flute-player gains his case, he adjusts his +mouth-strap[69] in return and plays us the final air while we are +leaving. A father on his death-bed names some husband for his daughter, +who is his sole heir; but we care little for his will or for the shell so +solemnly placed over the seal;[70] we give the young maiden to him who +has best known how to secure our favour. Name me another duty that is so +important and so irresponsible. + +BDELYCLEON. Aye, 'tis a fine privilege, and the only one on which I can +congratulate you; but surely to violate the will is to act badly towards +the heiress. + +PHILOCLEON. And if the Senate and the people have trouble in deciding +some important case, it is decreed to send the culprits before the +heliasts; then Euathlus[71] and the illustrious Colaconymus,[72] who cast +away his shield, swear not to betray us and to fight for the people. Did +ever an orator carry the day with his opinion if he had not first +declared that the jury should be dismissed for the day as soon as they +had given their first verdict? We are the only ones whom Cleon, the great +bawler, does not badger. On the contrary, he protects and caresses us; he +keeps off the flies, which is what you have never done for your father. +Theorus, who is a man not less illustrious than Euphemius,[73] takes the +sponge out of the pot and blacks our shoes. See then what good things you +deprive and despoil me of. Pray, is this obeying or being a slave, as you +pretended to be able to prove? + +BDELYCLEON. Talk away to your heart's content; you must come to a stop at +last and then you shall see that this grand power only resembles one of +those things that, wash 'em as you will, remain as foul as ever. + +PHILOCLEON. But I am forgetting the most pleasing thing of all. When I +return home with my pay, everyone runs to greet me because of my money. +First my daughter bathes me, anoints my feet, stoops to kiss me and, +while she is calling me "her dearest father," fishes out my triobolus +with her tongue;[74] then my little wife comes to wheedle me and brings a +nice light cake; she sits beside me and entreats me in a thousand ways, +"Do take this now; do have some more." All this delights me hugely, and I +have no need to turn towards you or the steward to know when it shall +please him to serve my dinner, all the while cursing and grumbling. But +if he does not quickly knead my cake, I have this,[75] which is my +defence, my shield against all ills. If you do not pour me out drink, I +have brought this long-eared jar[76] full of wine. How it brays, when I +bend back and bury its neck in my mouth! What terrible and noisy +gurglings, and how I laugh at your wine-skins. As to power, am I not +equal to the king of the gods? If our assembly is noisy, all say as they +pass, "Great gods! the tribunal is rolling out its thunder!" If I let +loose the lightning, the richest, aye, the noblest are half dead with +fright and shit themselves with terror. You yourself are afraid of me, +yea, by Demeter! you are afraid. + +BDELYCLEON. May I die if you frighten me. + +CHORUS. Never have I heard speech so elegant or so sensible. + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! he thought he had only to turn me round his finger; he +should, however, have known the vigour of my eloquence. + +CHORUS. He has said everything without omission. I felt myself grow +taller while I listened to him. Methought myself meting out justice in +the Islands of the Blest, so much was I taken with the charm of his +words. + +BDELYCLEON. How overjoyed they are! What extravagant delight! Ah! ah! you +are going to get a thrashing to-day. + +CHORUS. Come, plot everything you can to beat him; 'tis not easy to +soften me if you do not talk on my side, and if you have nothing but +nonsense to spout, 'tis time to buy a good millstone, freshly cut withal, +to crush my anger. + +BDELYCLEON. The cure of a disease, so inveterate and so widespread in +Athens, is a difficult task and of too great importance for the scope of +Comedy. Nevertheless, my old father.... + +PHILOCLEON. Cease to call me by that name, for, if you do not prove me a +slave and that quickly too, you must die by my hand, even if I must be +deprived of my share in the sacred feasts. + +BDELYCLEON. Listen to me, dear little father, unruffle that frowning brow +and reckon, you can do so without trouble, not with pebbles, but on your +fingers, what is the sum-total of the tribute paid by the allied towns; +besides this we have the direct imposts, a mass of percentage dues, the +fees of the courts of justice, the produce from the mines, the markets, +the harbours, the public lands and the confiscations. All these together +amount to close on two thousand talents. Take from this sum the annual +pay of the dicasts; they number six thousand, and there have never been +more in this town; so therefore it is one hundred and fifty talents that +come to you. + +PHILOCLEON. What! our pay is not even a tithe of the State revenue? + +BDELYCLEON. Why no, certainly not. + +PHILOCLEON. And where does the rest go then? + +BDELYCLEON. To those who say: "I shall never betray the interests of the +masses; I shall always fight for the people." And 'tis you, father, who +let yourself be caught with their fine talk, who give them all power over +yourself. They are the men who extort fifty talents at a time by threat +and intimidation from the allies. "Pay tribute to me," they say, "or I +shall loose the lightning on your town and destroy it." And you, you are +content to gnaw the crumbs of your own might. What do the allies do? They +see that the Athenian mob lives on the tribunal in niggard and miserable +fashion, and they count you for nothing, for not more than the vote of +Connus;[77] 'tis on those wretches that they lavish everything, dishes of +salt fish, wine, tapestries, cheese, honey, sesame-fruit, cushions, +flagons, rich clothing, chaplets, necklets, drinking-cups, all that +yields pleasure and health. And you, their master, to you as a reward for +all your toil both on land and sea, nothing is given, not even a clove of +garlic to eat with your little fish. + +PHILOCLEON. No, undoubtedly not; I have had to send and buy some from +Eucharides. But you told me I was a slave. Prove it then, for I am dying +with impatience. + +BDELYCLEON. Is it not the worst of all slaveries to see all these +wretches and their flatterers, whom they gorge with gold, at the head of +affairs? As for you, you are content with the three obols they give you +and which you have so painfully earned in the galleys, in battles and +sieges. But what I stomach least is that you go to sit on the tribunal by +order. Some lewd stripling, the son of Chereas, to wit, enters your house +balancing his body, rotten with debauchery, on his straddling legs and +charges you to come and judge at daybreak, and precisely to the minute. +"He who only presents himself after the opening of the Court," says he, +"will not get the triobolus." But he himself, though he arrives late, +will nevertheless get his drachma as a public advocate. If an accused man +makes him some present, he shares it with a colleague and the pair agree +to arrange the matter like two sawyers, one of whom pulls and the other +pushes. As for you, you have only eyes for the public pay-clerk, and you +see nothing. + +PHILOCLEON. Can it be I am treated thus? Oh! what is it you are saying? +You stir me to the bottom of my heart! I am all ears! I cannot syllable +what I feel. + +BDELYCLEON. Consider then; you might be rich, both you and all the +others; I know not why you let yourself be fooled by these folk who call +themselves the people's friends. A myriad of towns obey you, from the +Euxine to Sardis. What do you gain thereby? Nothing but this miserable +pay, and even that is like the oil with which the flock of wool is +impregnated and is doled to you drop by drop, just enough to keep you +from dying of hunger. They want you to be poor, and I will tell you why. +'Tis so that you may know only those who nourish you, and so that, if it +pleases them to loose you against one of their foes, you shall leap upon +him with fury. If they wished to assure the well-being of the people, +nothing would be easier for them. We have now a thousand towns that pay +us tribute; let them command each of these to feed twenty Athenians; then +twenty thousand of our citizens would be eating nothing but hare, would +drink nothing but the purest of milk, and always crowned with garlands, +would be enjoying the delights to which the great name of their country +and the trophies of Marathon give them the right; whereas to-day you are +like the hired labourers who gather the olives; you follow him who pays +you. + +PHILOCLEON. Alas! my hand is benumbed; I can no longer draw my sword.[78] +What has become of my strength? + +BDELYCLEON. When they are afraid, they promise to divide Euboea[79] among +you and to give each fifty bushels of wheat, but what have they given +you? Nothing excepting, quite recently, five bushels of barley, and even +these you have only obtained with great difficulty, on proving you were +not aliens, and then choenix by choenix.[80] That is why I always kept +you shut in; I wanted you to be fed by me and no longer at the beck of +these blustering braggarts. Even now I am ready to let you have all you +want, provided you no longer let yourself be suckled by the pay-clerk. + +CHORUS. He was right who said, "Decide nothing till you have heard both +sides," for it seems to me, that 'tis you who now gain the complete +victory. My wrath is appeased, I throw away my sticks. Come, comrade, our +contemporary, let yourself be gained over by his words; come, do not be +too obstinate or too perverse. Why have I no relation, no ally to speak +to me like this? Do not doubt it, 'tis a god who is now protecting you +and loading you with his benefits. Accept them. + +BDELYCLEON. I will feed him, I will give him everything that is suitable +for an old man, oatmeal gruel, a cloak, soft furs and a maid to rub his +loins and play with his tool. But he is silent and utters not a word; +'tis a bad sign. + +CHORUS. He has thought the thing over and has recognized his folly; he +reproaches himself for not having followed your advice always. But there +he is, converted by your words, and has no doubt become wiser to alter +his ways in future and to believe in none but you. + +PHILOCLEON. Alas! alas! + +BDELYCLEON. Now why this lamentation? + +PHILOCLEON. A truce to your promises! What I love is down there, 'tis +down there I want to be, there, where the herald cries, "Who has not yet +voted? Let him rise!" I want to be the last to leave the urn of all. Oh, +my soul, my soul! where art thou? come! oh! dark shadows, make way for +me![81] By Heracles, may I reach the Court in time to convict Cleon of +theft. + +BDELYCLEON. Come, father, in the name of the gods, believe me! + +PHILOCLEON. Believe you! Ask me anything, anything, except one. + +BDELYCLEON. What is it? Let us hear. + +PHILOCLEON. Not to judge any more! Before I consent, I shall have +appeared before Pluto. + +BDELYCLEON. Very well then, since you find so much pleasure in it, go +down there no more, but stay here and deal out justice to your slaves. + +PHILOCLEON. But what is there to judge? Are you mad? + +BDELYCLEON. Everything as in a tribunal. If a servant opens a door +secretly, you inflict upon him a simple fine; 'tis what you have +repeatedly done down there. Everything can be arranged to suit you. If it +is warm in the morning, you can judge in the sunlight; if it is snowing, +then seated at your fire; if it rains, you go indoors; and if you only +rise at noon, there will be no Thesmothetes[82] to exclude you from the +precincts. + +PHILOCLEON. The notion pleases me. + +BDELYCLEON. Moreover, if a pleader is long-winded, you will not be +fasting and chafing and seeking vengeance on the accused. + +PHILOCLEON. But could I judge as well with my mouth full? + +BDELYCLEON. Much better. Is it not said, that the dicasts, when deceived +by lying witnesses, have need to ruminate well in order to arrive at the +truth? + +PHILOCLEON. Well said, but you have not told me yet who will pay salary. + +BDELYCLEON. I will. + +PHILOCLEON. So much the better; in this way I shall be paid by myself. +Because that cursed jester, Lysistratus,[83] played me an infamous trick +the other day. He received a drachma for the two of us[84] and went on +the fish-market to get it changed and then brought me back three mullet +scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth;[85] but the +smell choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him before the +Court. + +BDELYCLEON. And what did he say to that? + +PHILOCLEON. Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have +soon digested the money," he said with a laugh. + +BDELYCLEON. You see, that is yet another advantage. + +PHILOCLEON. And no small one either. Come, do as you will. + +BDELYCLEON. Wait! I will bring everything here. + +PHILOCLEON. You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it +foretold, that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own +houses, that each citizen would have himself a little tribunal +constructed in his porch similar to the altars of Hecaté,[86] and that +there would be such before every door. + +BDELYCLEON. Hold! what do you say? I have brought you everything needful +and much more into the bargain. See, here is an _article,_ should you +want to piss; it shall be hung beside you on a nail. + +PHILOCLEON. Good idea! Right useful at my age. You have found the true +preventive of bladder troubles. + +BDELYCLEON. Here is fire, and near to it are lentils, should you want to +take a snack. + +PHILOCLEON. 'Tis admirably arranged. For thus, even when feverish, I +shall nevertheless receive my pay; and besides, I could eat my lentils +without quitting my seat. But why this cock? + +BDELYCLEON. So that, should you doze during some pleading, he may awaken +you by crowing up there. + +PHILOCLEON. I want only for one thing more; all the rest is as good as +can be. + +BDELYCLEON. What is that? + +PHILOCLEON. If only they could bring me an image of the hero Lycus.[87] + +BDELYCLEON. Here it is! Why, you might think it was the god himself! + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! hero, my master! how repulsive you are to look at! 'Tis +an exact portrait of Cleonymus! + +SOSIAS. That is why, hero though he be, he has no weapon. + +BDELYCLEON. The sooner you take your seat, the sooner I shall call a +case. + +PHILOCLEON. Call it, for I have been seated ever so long. + +BDELYCLEON. Let us see. What case shall we bring up first? Is there a +slave who has done something wrong? Ah! you Thracian there, who burnt the +stew-pot t'other day. + +PHILOCLEON. Hold, hold! Here is a fine state of things! you had almost +made me judge without a bar,[88] and that is the thing of all others most +sacred among us. + +BDELYCLEON. By Zeus! I had forgotten it, but I will run indoors and bring +you one immediately. What is this after all, though, but mere force of +habit! + +XANTHIAS. Plague take the brute! Can anyone keep such a dog? + +BDELYCLEON. Hullo! what's the matter? + +XANTHIAS. Why, 'tis Labes,[89] who has just rushed into the kitchen and +has seized a whole Sicilian cheese and gobbled it up. + +BDELYCLEON. Good! this will be the first offence I shall make my father +try. (_To Xanthias._) Come along and lay your accusation. + +XANTHIAS. No, not I; the other dog vows he will be accuser, if the matter +is set down for trial. + +BDELYCLEON. Well then, bring them both along. + +XANTHIAS. I am coming. + +PHILOCLEON. What is this? + +BDELYCLEON. 'Tis the pig-trough[90] of the swine dedicated to Hestia. + +PHILOCLEON. But it's sacrilege to bring it here. + +BDELYCLEON. No, no, by addressing Hestia first,[91] I might, thanks to +her, crush an adversary. + +PHILOCLEON. Put an end to delay by calling up the case. My verdict is +already settled. + +BDELYCLEON. Wait! I must yet bring out the tablets[92] and the +scrolls.[93] + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! I am boiling, I am dying with impatience at your delays. +I could have traced the sentence in the dust. + +BDELYCLEON. There you are. + +PHILOCLEON. Then call the case. + +BDELYCLEON. I am here. + +PHILOCLEON. Firstly, who is this? + +BDELYCLEON. Ah! my god! why, this is unbearable! I have forgotten the +urns. + +PHILOCLEON. Well now! where are you off to? + +BDELYCLEON. To look for the urns. + +PHILOCLEON. Unnecessary, I shall use these vases.[94] + +BDELYCLEON. Very well, then we have all we need, except the clepsydra. + +PHILOCLEON. Well then! and this? what is it if not a clepsydra?[95] + +BDELYCLEON. True again! 'Tis calling things by their right name! Let fire +be brought quickly from the house with myrtle boughs and incense, and let +us invoke the gods before opening the sitting. + +CHORUS. Offer them libations and your vows and we will thank them that a +noble agreement has put an end to your bickerings and strife. + +BDELYCLEON. And first let there be a sacred silence. + +CHORUS. Oh! god of Delphi! oh! Phoebus Apollo! convert into the greatest +blessing for us all what is now happening before this house, and cure us +of our error, oh, Paean,[96] our helper! + +BDELYCLEON. Oh! Powerful god, Apollo Aguieus,[97] who watchest at the +door of my entrance hall, accept this fresh sacrifice; I offer it that +you may deign to soften my father's excessive severity; he is as hard as +iron, his heart is like sour wine; do thou pour into it a little honey. +Let him become gentle like other men, let him take more interest in the +accused than in the accusers, may he allow himself to be softened by +entreaties; calm his acrid humour and deprive his irritable mind of all +sting. + +CHORUS. We unite our vows and chants to those of this new magistrate.[98] +His words have won our favour and we are convinced that he loves the +people more than any of the young men of the present day. + +BDELYCLEON. If there be any judge near at hand, let him enter; once the +proceedings have opened, we shall admit him no more.[99] + +PHILOCLEON. Who is the defendant? Ha! what a sentence he will get! + +XANTHIAS (_Prosecuting Council_). Listen to the indictment. A dog of +Cydathenea doth hereby charge Labes of Aexonia with having devoured a +Sicilian cheese by himself without accomplices. Penalty demanded, a +collar of fig-tree wood.[100] + +PHILOCLEON. Nay, a dog's death, if convicted. + +BDELYCLEON. This is Labes, the defendant. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! what a wretched brute! how entirely he looks the rogue! +He thinks to deceive me by keeping his jaws closed. Where is the +plaintiff, the dog of Cydathenea? + +DOG. Bow wow! bow wow! + +BDELYCLEON. Here he is. + +PHILOCLEON. Why, 'tis a second Labes, a great barker and a licker of +dishes. + +SOSIAS (_Herald_). Silence! Keep your seats! (_To Xanthias._) And you, up +on your feet and accuse him. + +PHILOCLEON. Go on, and I will help myself and eat these lentils. + +XANTHIAS. Men of the jury, listen to this indictment I have drawn up. He +has committed the blackest of crimes, both against me and the +seamen.[101] He sought refuge in a dark corner to glutton on a big +Sicilian cheese, with which he sated his hunger. + +PHILOCLEON. Why, the crime is clear; the foul brute this very moment +belched forth a horrible odour of cheese right under my nose. + +XANTHIAS. And he refused to share with me. And yet can anyone style +himself your benefactor, when he does not cast a morsel to your poor dog? + +PHILOCLEON. Then he has not shared? + +XANTHIAS. Not with me, his comrade. + +PHILOCLEON. Then his madness is as hot as my lentils. + +BDELYCLEON. In the name of the gods, father! No hurried verdict without +hearing the other side! + +PHILOCLEON. But the evidence is plain; the fact speaks for itself. + +XANTHIAS. Then beware of acquitting the most selfish of canine gluttons, +who has devoured the whole cheese, rind and all, prowling round the +platter. + +PHILOCLEON. There is not even enough left for me to fill up the chinks in +my pitcher. + +XANTHIAS. Besides, you _must_ punish him, because the same house cannot +keep two thieves. Let me not have barked in vain, else I shall never bark +again. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! the black deeds he has just denounced! What a shameless +thief! Say, cock, is not that your opinion too? Ha, ha! He thinks as I +do. Here, Thesmothetes![102] where are you? Hand me the vessel. + +SOSIAS (_Thesmothetes_). Take it yourself. I go to call the witnesses; +these are a plate, a pestle, a cheese knife, a brazier, a stew-pot and +other half-burnt utensils. (_To Philocleon._) But you have not finished? +you are piddling away still! Have done and be seated. + +PHILOCLEON. Ha, ha! I reckon I know somebody who will shit himself with +fright today. + +BDELYCLEON. Will you never cease showing yourself hard and intractable, +and especially to the accused? You tear them to pieces tooth and nail. + +PHILOCLEON. Come forward and defend yourself. What means this silence? +Answer. + +SOSIAS. No doubt he has nothing to say. + +BDELYCLEON. Not so, but I think he has got what happened once to +Thucydides, when accused;[103] his jaws suddenly set fast. Get away! I +will undertake your defence.--Gentlemen of the jury, 'tis a difficult +thing to speak for a dog who has been calumniated, but nevertheless I +will try. 'Tis a good dog, and he chivies the wolves finely. + +PHILOCLEON. He! that thief and conspirator! + +BDELYCLEON. But 'tis the best of all our dogs; he is capable of guarding +a whole flock. + +PHILOCLEON. And what good is that, if he eats the cheese? + +BDELYCLEON. What? he fights for you, he guards your door; 'tis an +excellent dog in every respect. Forgive him his larceny; he is wretchedly +ignorant, he cannot play the lyre. + +PHILOCLEON. I wish he did not know how to write either; then the rascal +would not have drawn up his pleadings. + +BDELYCLEON. Witnesses, I pray you, listen. Come forward, grafting-knife, +and speak up; answer me clearly. You were paymaster at the time. Did you +grate out to the soldiers what was given you?--He says he did so. + +PHILOCLEON. But, by Zeus! he lies. + +BDELYCLEON. Oh! have patience. Take pity on the unfortunate. Labes feeds +only on fish-bones and fishes' heads and has not an instant of peace. The +other is good only to guard the house; he never moves from here, but +demands his share of all that is brought in and bites those who refuse. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! Heaven! have I fallen ill? I feel my anger cooling! Woe +to me! I am softening! + +BDELYCLEON. Have pity, father, pity, I adjure you; you would not have him +dead. Where are his puppies? Come, poor little beasties, yap, up on your +haunches, beg and whine! + +PHILOCLEON. Descend, descend, descend, descend![104] + +BDELYCLEON. I will descend, although that word, "descend," has too often +raised false hope. None the less, I will descend. + +PHILOCLEON. Plague seize it! Have I then done wrong to eat! What! I to be +crying! Ah! I certainly should not be weeping, if I were not blown out +with lentils. + +BDELYCLEON. Then he is acquitted? + +PHILOCLEON. I did not say so. + +BDELYCLEON. Ah! my dear father, be good! be humane! Take this voting +pebble and rush with your eyes closed to that second urn[105] and, +father, acquit him. + +PHILOCLEON. No, I know no more how to acquit than to play the lyre. + +BDELYCLEON. Come quickly, I will show you the way. + +PHILOCLEON. Is this the first urn? + +BDELYCLEON. Yes. + +PHILOCLEON. Then I have voted. + +BDELYCLEON (_aside_). I have fooled him and he has acquitted in spite of +himself. + +PHILOCLEON. Come, I will turn out the urns. What is the result? + +BDELYCLEON. We shall see.--Labes, you stand acquitted.--Eh! father, +what's the matter, what is it? + +PHILOCLEON. Ah me! ah me! water! water! + +BDELYCLEON. Pull yourself together, sir! + +PHILOCLEON. Tell me! Is he really acquitted? + +BDELYCLEON. Yes, certainly. + +PHILOCLEON. Then it's all over with me! + +BDELYCLEON. Courage, dear father, don't let this afflict you so terribly. + +PHILOCLEON. And so I have charged my conscience with the acquittal of an +accused being! What will become of me? Sacred gods! forgive me. I did it +despite myself; it is not in my character. + +BDELYCLEON. Do not vex yourself, father; I will feed you well, will take +you everywhere to eat and drink with me; you shall go to every feast; +henceforth your life shall be nothing but pleasure, and Hyperbolus shall +no longer have you for a tool. But come, let us go in. + +PHILOCLEON. So be it; if you will, let us go in. + +CHORUS (_Parabasis_). Go where it pleases you and may your happiness be +great. You meanwhile, oh! countless myriads, listen to the sound counsels +I am going to give you and take care they are not lost upon you. 'Twould +be the fate of vulgar spectators, not that of such an audience. Hence, +people, lend me your ear, if you love frank speaking. The poet has a +reproach to make against his audience; he says you have ill-treated him +in return for the many services he has rendered you. At first he kept +himself in the background and lent help secretly to other poets,[106] and +like the prophetic Genius, who hid himself in the belly of Eurycles,[107] +slipped within the spirit of another and whispered to him many a comic +hit. Later he ran the risks of the theatre on his own account, with his +face uncovered, and dared to guide his Muse unaided. Though overladen +with success and honours more than any of your poets, indeed despite all +his glory, he does not yet believe he has attained his goal; his heart is +not swollen with pride and he does not seek to seduce the young folk in +the wrestling school.[108] If any lover runs up to him to complain +because he is furious at seeing the object of his passion derided on the +stage, he takes no heed of such reproaches, for he is only inspired with +honest motives and his Muse is no go-between. From the very outset of his +dramatic career he has disdained to assail those who were men, but with a +courage worthy of Heracles himself he attacked the most formidable +monsters, and at the beginning went straight for that beast[109] with the +sharp teeth, with the terrible eyes that flashed lambent fire like those +of Cynna,[110] surrounded by a hundred lewd flatterers who spittle-licked +him to his heart's content; it had a voice like a roaring torrent, the +stench of a seal, a foul Lamia's testicles,[111] and the rump of a camel. +Our poet did not tremble at the sight of this horrible monster, nor did +he dream of gaining him over; and again this very day he is fighting for +your good. Last year besides, he attacked those pale, shivering and +feverish beings[112] who strangled your fathers in the dark, throttled +your grandfathers,[113] and who, lying in the beds of the most +inoffensive, piled up against them lawsuits, summonses and witnesses to +such an extent, that many of them flew in terror to the Polemarch for +refuge.[114] Such is the champion you have found to purify your country +of all its evil, and last year you betrayed him,[115] when he sowed the +most novel ideas, which, however, did not strike root, because you did +not understand their value; notwithstanding this, he swears by Bacchus, +the while offering him libations, that none ever heard better comic +verses. 'Tis a disgrace to you not to have caught their drift at once; as +for the poet, he is none the less appreciated by the enlightened judges. +He shivered his oars in rushing boldly forward to board his foe.[116] But +in future, my dear fellow-citizens, love and honour more those of your +poets who seek to imagine and express some new thought. Make their ideas +your own, keep them in your caskets like sweet-scented fruit.[117] If you +do, your clothing will emit an odour of wisdom the whole year through. + +Formerly we were untiring, especially in _other_ exercises,[118] but 'tis +over now; our brow is crowned with hair whiter than the swan. We must, +however, rekindle a youthful ardour in these remnants of what was, and +for myself, I prefer my old age to the curly hair and the finery of all +these lewd striplings. + +Should any among you spectators look upon me with wonder, because of this +wasp waist, or not know the meaning of this sting, I will soon dispel his +ignorance. We, who wear this appendage, are the true Attic men, who alone +are noble and native to the soil, the bravest of all people. 'Tis we who, +weapon in hand, have done so much for the country, when the Barbarian +shed torrents of fire and smoke over our city in his relentless desire to +seize our nests by force. At once we ran up, armed with lance and +buckler, and, drunk with the bitter wine of anger, we gave them battle, +man standing to man and rage distorting our lips.[119] A hail of arrows +hid the sky. However, by the help of the gods, we drove off the foe +towards evening. Before the battle an owl had flown over our army.[120] +Then we pursued them with our lance point in their loins as one hunts the +tunny-fish; they fled and we stung them in the jaw and in the eyes, so +that even now the barbarians tell each other that there is nothing in the +world more to be feared than the Attic wasp. + +Oh! at that time I was terrible, I feared nothing; forth on my galleys I +went in search of my foe and subjected him.[121] Then we never thought of +rounding fine phrases, we never dreamt of calumny; 'twas who should prove +the strongest rower. And thus we took many a town from the Medes,[122] +and 'tis to us that Athens owes the tributes that our young men thieve +to-day. + +Look well at us, and you will see that we have all the character and +habits of the wasp. Firstly, if roused, no beings are more irascible, +more relentless than we are. In all other things, too, we act like wasps. +We collect in swarms, in a kind of nests,[123] and some go a-judging with +the Archon,[124] some with the Eleven,[125] others at the Odeon;[126] +there are yet others, who hardly move at all, like the grubs in the +cells, but remain glued to the walls[127] and bent double to the ground. +We also pay full attention to the discovery of all sorts of means of +existing and sting the first who comes, so as to live at his expense. +Finally, we have among us drones,[128] who have no sting and who, without +giving themselves the least trouble, seize on our revenues as they flow +past them and devour them. 'Tis this that grieves us most of all, to see +men who have never served or held either lance or oar in defence of their +country, enriching themselves at our expense without ever raising a +blister on their hands. In short, I give it as my deliberate opinion that +in future every citizen not possessed of a sting shall not receive the +triobolus. + +PHILOCLEON. As long as I live, I will never give up this cloak; 'tis the +one I wore in that battle[129] when Boreas delivered us from such fierce +attacks, + +BDELYCLEON. You do not know what is good for you. + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! I know not how to use fine clothing! T'other day, when +cramming myself with fried fish, I dropped so many grease spots that I +had to pay three obols to the cleaner. + +BDELYCLEON. At least have a try, since you have once for all handed the +care for your well-being over to me. + +PHILOCLEON. Very well then! what must I do? + +BDELYCLEON. Take off your cloak, and put on this tunic in its stead. + +PHILOCLEON. 'Twas well worth while to beget and bring up children, so +that this one should now wish to choke me. + +BDELYCLEON. Come, take this tunic and put it on without so much talk. + +PHILOCLEON. Great gods! what sort of a cursed garment is this? + +BDELYCLEON. Some call it a pelisse, others a Persian cloak.[130] + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! I thought it was a wraprascal like those made at +Thymaetia.[131] + +BDELYCLEON. Pray, how should you know such garments? 'Tis only at Sardis +you could have seen them, and you have never been there. + +PHILOCLEON. I' faith, no! but it seems to me exactly like the mantle +Morychus[132] sports. + +BDELYCLEON. Not at all; I tell you they are woven at Ecbatana. + +PHILOCLEON. What! are there woollen ox-guts[133] then at Ecbatana? + +BDELYCLEON. Whatever are you talking about? These are woven by the +Barbarians at great cost. I am certain this pelisse has consumed more +than a talent of wool.[134] + +PHILOCLEON. It should be called wool-waster then instead of pelisse. + +BDELYCLEON. Come, father, just hold still for a moment and put it on. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! horrors! what a waft of heat the hussy wafts up my nose! + +BDELYCLEON. Will you have done with this fooling? + +PHILOCLEON. No, by Zeus! if need be, I prefer you should put me in the +oven. + +BDELYCLEON. Come! I will put it round you. There! + +PHILOCLEON. At all events, bring out a crook. + +BDELYCLEON. Why, whatever for? + +PHILOCLEON. To drag me out of it before I am quite melted. + +BDELYCLEON. Now take off those wretched clogs and put on these nice +Laconian slippers. + +PHILOCLEON. I put on odious slippers made by our foes! Never! + +BDELYCLEON. Come! put your foot in and push hard. Quick! + +PHILOCLEON. 'Tis ill done of you. You want me to put my foot on Laconian +ground. + +BDELYCLEON. Now the other. + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! no, not that one; one of its toes holds the Laconians in +horror. + +BDELYCLEON. Positively you must. + +PHILOCLEON. Alas! alas! Then I shall have no chilblains in my old +age.[135] + +BDELYCLEON. Now, hurry up and get them on; and now imitate the easy +effeminate gait of the rich. See, like this. + +PHILOCLEON. There!... Look at my get-up and tell me which rich man I most +resemble in my walk. + +BDELYCLEON. Why, you look like a garlic plaster on a boil. + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! I am longing to swagger and sway my rump about. + +BDELYCLEON. Now, will you know how to talk gravely with well-informed men +of good class? + +PHILOCLEON. Undoubtedly. + +BDELYCLEON. What will you say to them? + +PHILOCLEON. Oh, lots of things. First of all I shall say, that +Lamia,[136] seeing herself caught, let fly a fart; then, that Cardopion +and her mother.... + +BDELYCLEON. Come, no fabulous tales, pray! talk of realities, of domestic +facts, as is usually done. + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! I know something that is indeed most domestic. Once upon +a time there was a rat and a cat.... + +BDELYCLEON. "Oh, you ignorant fool," as Theagenes said[137] to the +scavenger in a rage. Are you going to talk of cats and rats among +high-class people? + +PHILOCLEON. Then what should I talk about? + +BDELYCLEON. Tell some dignified story. Relate how you were sent on a +solemn mission with Androcles and Clisthenes. + +PHILOCLEON. On a mission! never in my life, except once to Paros,[138] a +job which brought me in two obols a day. + +BDELYCLEON. At least say, that you have just seen Ephudion making good +play in the pancratium[139] with Ascondas and, that despite his age and +his white hair, he is still robust in loin and arm and flank and that his +chest is a very breastplate. + +PHILOCLEON. Stop! stop! what nonsense! Who ever contested at the +pancratium with a breast-plate on? + +BDELYCLEON. That is how well-behaved folk like to talk. But another +thing. When at wine, it would be fitting to relate some good story of +your youthful days. What is your most brilliant feat? + +PHILOCLEON. My best feat? Ah! 'twas when I stole Ergasion's vine-props. + +BDELYCLEON. You and your vine-props! you'll be the death of me! Tell of +one of your boar-hunts or of when you coursed the hare. Talk about some +torch-race you were in; tell of some deed of daring. + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! my most daring deed was when, quite a young man still, I +prosecuted Phayllus, the runner, for defamation, and he was condemned by +a majority of two votes. + +BDELYCLEON. Enough of that! Now recline there, and practise the bearing +that is fitting at table in society. + +PHILOCLEON. How must I recline? Tell me quick! + +BDELYCLEON. In an elegant style. + +PHILOCLEON. Like this? + +BDELYCLEON. Not at all. + +PHILOCLEON. How then? + +BDELYCLEON. Spread your knees on the tapestries and give your body the +most easy curves, like those taught in the gymnasium. Then praise some +bronze vase, survey the ceiling, admire the awning stretched over the +court. Water is poured over our hands; the tables are spread; we sup and, +after ablution, we now offer libations to the gods. + +PHILOCLEON. But, by Zeus! this supper is but a dream, it appears! + +BDELYCLEON. The flute-player has finished the prelude. The guests are +Theorus, Aeschines, Phanus, Cleon, Acestor;[140] and beside this last, I +don't know who else. You are with them. Shall you know exactly how to +take up the songs that are started? + +PHILOCLEON. Better than any born mountaineer of Attica. + +BDELYCLEON. That we shall see. Suppose me to be Cleon. I am the first to +begin the song of Harmodius, and you take it up: "There never was yet +seen in Athens ... + +PHILOCLEON. ... such a rogue or such a thief."[141] + +BDELYCLEON. Why, you wretched man, 'twill be the end of you if you sing +that. He will vow your ruin, your destruction, to chase you out of the +country. + +PHILOCLEON. Well! then I shall answer his threats with another song: +"With your madness for supreme power, you will end by overthrowing the +city, which even now totters towards ruin." + +BDELYCLEON. And when Theorus, prone at Cleon's feet, takes his hand and +sings, "Like Admetus, love those who are brave,"[142] what reply will you +make him? + +PHILOCLEON. I shall sing, "I know not how to play the fox, nor call +myself the friend of both parties." + +BDELYCLEON. Then comes the turn of Aeschines, the son of Sellus, and a +well-trained and clever musician, who will sing, "Good things and riches +for Clitagoras and me and eke for the Thessalians!" + +PHILOCLEON. "The two of us have squandered a deal between us." + +BDELYCLEON. At this game you seem at home. But come, we will go and dine +with Philoctemon.--Slave! slave! place our dinner in a basket, and let us +go for a good long drinking bout. + +PHILOCLEON. By no means, it is too dangerous; for after drinking, one +breaks in doors, one comes to blows, one batters everything. Anon, when +the wine is slept off, one is forced to pay. + +BDELYCLEON. Not if you are with decent people. Either they undertake to +appease the offended person or, better still, you say something witty, +you tell some comic story, perhaps one of those you have yourself heard +at table, either in Aesop's style or in that of Sybaris; all laugh and +the trouble is ended. + +PHILOCLEON. Faith! 'tis worth while learning many stories then, if you +are thus not punished for the ill you do. But come, no more delay! + +CHORUS. More than once have I given proof of cunning and never of +stupidity, but how much more clever is Amynias, the son of Sellus and of +the race of forelock-wearers; him we saw one day coming to dine with +Leogaras,[143] bringing as his share one apple and a pomegranate, and +bear in mind he was as hungry as Antiphon.[144] He went on an embassy to +Pharsalus,[145] and there he lived solely among the Thessalian +mercenaries;[146] indeed, is he not the vilest of mercenaries himself? + +Oh! blessed, oh! fortunate Automenes, how enviable is your fortune! You +have three sons, the most industrious in the world; one is the friend of +all, a very able man, the first among the lyre-players, the favourite of +the Graces. The second is an actor, and his talent is beyond all praise. +As for Ariphrades, he is by far the most gifted; his father would swear +to me, that without any master whatever and solely through the +spontaneous effort of his happy nature, he taught himself the use of his +tongue in the lewd places[147] where he spends the whole of his time. + +Some have said that I and Cleon were reconciled. This is the truth of the +matter: Cleon was harassing me, persecuting and belabouring me in every +way; and, when I was being fleeced, the public laughed at seeing me +uttering such loud cries; not that they cared about me, but simply +curious to know whether, when trodden down by my enemy, I would not hurl +at him some taunt. Noticing this, I have played the wheedler a bit; but +now, look! the prop is deceiving the vine![148] + +XANTHIAS. Oh! tortoises! happy to have so hard a skin, thrice happy to +carry this roof that protects your backs! Oh! creatures full of sense! +what a happy thought to cover your bodies with this shell, which shields +it from blows! As for me, I can no longer move; the stick has so +belaboured my body. + +CHORUS. Eh, what's the matter, child? for, old as he may be, one has the +right to call anyone a child who has let himself be beaten. + +XANTHIAS. Alas! my master is really the worst of all plagues. He was the +most drunk of all the guests, and yet among them were Hippyllus, +Antiphon, Lycon, Lysistratus, Theophrastus and Phrynichus. But he was a +hundred times more insolent than any. As soon as he had stuffed himself +with a host of good dishes, he began to leap and spring, to laugh and to +let wind like a little ass well blown out with barley. Then he set to +a-beating me with all his heart, shouting, "Slave! slave!" Lysistratus, +as soon as he saw him, let fly this comparison at him. "Old fellow," said +he, "you resemble one of the scum assuming the airs of a rich man or a +stupid ass that has broken loose from its stable." "As for you," bawled +the other at the top of his voice, "you are like a grasshopper,[149] +whose cloak is worn to the thread, or like Sthenelus[150] after his +clothes had been sold." All applauded excepting Theophrastus, who made a +grimace as behoved a well-bred man like him. The old man called to him, +"Hi! tell me then what you have to be proud of? Not so much mouthing, +you, who so well know how to play the buffoon and to lick-spittle the +rich!" 'Twas thus he insulted each in turn with the grossest of jests, +and he reeled off a thousand of the most absurd and ridiculous speeches. +At last, when he was thoroughly drunk, he started towards here, striking +everyone he met. Hold, here he comes reeling along. I will be off for +fear of his blows. + +PHILOCLEON.[151] Halt! and let everyone begone, or I shall do an evil +turn to some of those who insist on following me. Clear off, rascals, or +I shall roast you with this torch! + +BDELYCLEON. We shall all make you smart to-morrow for your youthful +pranks. We shall come in a body to summon you to justice. + +PHILOCLEON. Ho! ho! summon me! what old women's babble! Know that I can +no longer bear to hear even the name of suits. Ha! ha! ha! this is what +pleases _me_, "Down with the urns!" Won't you begone? Down with the +dicasts! away with them, away with them! (_To the flute-girl._) Mount up +there, my little gilded cock-chafer; seize hold of this rope's end in +your hand.[152] Hold it tight, but have a care; the rope's a bit old and +worn, but it loves a nice rubbing still. Do you see how opportunely I got +you away from the solicitations of those fellows, who wanted to make you +work their tools in your mouth? You therefore owe me this return to +gratify mine by masturbating it. But will you pay the debt? Oh! I know +well you will not even try; you will play with me, you will laugh +heartily at my poor old weapon as you have done at many another man's. +And yet, if you would not be a naughty girl, I would redeem you, when my +son is dead, and you should be my concubine, my little cuntling. At +present I am not my own master; I am very young and am watched very +closely. My dear son never lets me out of his sight; 'tis an unbearable +creature, who would quarter a thread and skin a flint; he is afraid I +should get lost, for I am his only father. But here he comes running +towards us. But be quick, don't stir, hold these torches. I am going to +play him a young man's trick, the same as he played me before I was +initiated into the mysteries. + +BDELYCLEON. Oh! oh! you debauched old dotard! you desire and, meseems, +you love pretty baggages; but, by Apollo, it shall not be with impunity! + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! you would be very glad to eat a lawsuit in vinegar, you +would. + +BDELYCLEON. 'Tis a rascally trick to steal the flute-girl away from the +other guests. + +PHILOCLEON. What flute-girl? Are you distraught, as if you had just +returned from Pluto? + +BDELYCLEON. By Zeus! But here is the Dardanian wench in person.[153] + +PHILOCLEON. Nonsense. This is a torch that I have lit in the public +square in honour of the gods. + +BDELYCLEON. Is this a torch? + +PHILOCLEON. A torch? Certainly. Do you not see it is of several different +colours? + +BDELYCLEON. And what is that black part in the middle?[154] + +PHILOCLEON. 'Tis the pitch running out while it burns. + +BDELYCLEON. And there, on the other side, surely that is a girl's bottom? + +PHILOCLEON. No. 'Tis a small bit of the torch, that projects. + +BDELYCLEON. What do you mean? what bit? Hi! you woman! come here! + +PHILOCLEON. Ah! ah! What do you want to do? + +BDELYCLEON. To take her from you and lead her away. You are too much worn +out and can do nothing. + +PHILOCLEON. Hear me! One day, at Olympia, I saw Euphudion boxing bravely +against Ascondas;[155] he was already aged, and yet with a blow from his +fist he knocked down his young opponent. So beware lest I blacken _your_ +eyes. + +BDELYCLEON. By Zeus! you have Olympia at your finger-ends! + +A BAKER'S WIFE (_to Bdelycleon_). Come to my help, I beg you, in the name +of the gods! This cursed man, when striking out right and left with his +torch, knocked over ten loaves worth an obolus apiece, and then, to cap +the deal, four others. + +BDELYCLEON. Do you see what lawsuits you are drawing upon yourself with +your drunkenness? You will have to plead. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh, no, no! a little pretty talk and pleasant tales will soon +settle the matter and reconcile her with me. + +BAKER'S WIFE. Not so, by the goddesses twain! It shall not be said that +you have with impunity spoilt the wares of Myrtia,[156] the daughter of +Ancylion and Sostraté. + +PHILOCLEON. Listen, woman, I wish to tell you a lovely anecdote. + +BAKER'S WIFE. Oh! friend, no anecdotes for me, thank you. + +PHILOCLEON. One night Aesop was going out to supper. A drunken bitch had +the impudence to bark near him. Aesop said to her, "Oh, bitch, bitch! you +would do well to sell your wicked tongue and buy some wheat." + +BAKER'S WIFE. You make a mock of me! Very well! Be you who you like, I +shall summons you before the market inspectors[157] for damage done to my +business. Chaerephon[158] here shall be my witness. + +PHILOCLEON. But just listen, here's another will perhaps please you +better. Lasus and Simonides[159] were contesting against each other for +the singing prize. Lasus said, "Damn me if I care." + +BAKER'S WIFE. Ah! really, did he now! + +PHILOCLEON. As for you, Chaerephon, _can_ you be witness to this woman, +who looks as pale and tragic as Ino when she throws herself from her +rock[160] ... at the feet of Euripides? + +BDELYCLEON. Here, methinks, comes another to summons you; _he_ has his +witness too. Ah! unhappy indeed we are! + +ACCUSER. I summons you, old man, for outrage. + +BDELYCLEON. For outrage? Oh! in the name of the gods, do not summons him! +I will be answerable for him; name the penalty and I will be more +grateful still. + +PHILOCLEON. I ask for nothing better than to be reconciled with him; for +I admit I struck him and threw stones at him. So, first come here. Will +you leave it in my hands to name the indemnity I must pay, if I promise +you my friendship as well, or will you fix it yourself? + +ACCUSER. Fix it; I like neither lawsuits nor disputes. + +PHILOCLEON. A man of Sybaris[161] fell from his chariot and wounded his +head most severely; he was a very poor driver. One of his friends came up +to him and said, "Every man to his trade." Well then, go you to +Pittalus[162] to get mended. + +BDELYCLEON. You are incorrigible. + +ACCUSER (_to his witness_). At all events, make a note of his reply. + +PHILOCLEON. Listen, instead of going off so abruptly. A woman at Sybaris +broke a box. + +ACCUSER (_to his witness_). I again ask you to witness this. + +PHILOCLEON. The box therefore had the fact attested, but the woman said, +"Never worry about witnessing the matter, but hurry off to buy a cord to +tie it together with; 'twill be the more sensible course." + +ACCUSER. Oh! go on with your ribaldry until the Archon calls the case. + +BDELYCLEON (_to Philocleon_). No, by Demeter! you stay here no longer! I +take you and carry you off. + +PHILOCLEON. And what for? + +BDELYCLEON. What for? I shall carry you to the house; else there would +not be enough witnesses for the accusers. + +PHILOCLEON. One day at Delphi, Aesop ... + +BDELYCLEON. I don't care a fig for that. + +PHILOCLEON. ... was accused of having stolen a sacred vase. But he +replied, that the horn beetle ... (_Philocleon goes on with his fable +while Bdelycleon is carrying him off the scene by main force._) + +BDELYCLEON. Oh, dear, dear! You drive me crazy with your horn-beetle. + +CHORUS. I envy you your happiness, old man. What a contrast to his former +frugal habits and his very hard life! Taught now in quite another school, +he will know nothing but the pleasures of ease. Perhaps he will jib at +it, for indeed 'tis difficult to renounce what has become one's second +nature. However, many have done it, and adopting the ideas of others, +have changed their use and wont. As for Philocleon's son, I, like all +wise and judicious men, cannot sufficiently praise his filial tenderness +and his tact. Never have I met a more amiable nature, and I have +conceived the greatest fondness for him. How he triumphed on every point +in his discussion with his father, when he wanted to bring him back to +more worthy and honourable tastes! + +XANTHIAS. By Bacchus! 'Tis some Evil Genius has brought this unbearable +disorder into our house. The old man, full up with wine and excited by +the sound of the flute, is so delighted, so enraptured, that he spends +the night executing the old dances that Thespis first produced on the +stage,[163] and just now he offered to prove to the modern tragedians, by +disputing with them for the dancing prize, that they are nothing but a +lot of old dotards. + +PHILOCLEON. "Who loiters at the door of the vestibule?"[164] + +XANTHIAS. Here comes our pest, our plague! + +PHILOCLEON. Let down the barriers.[165] The dance is now to begin. + +XANTHIAS. Or rather the madness. + +PHILOCLEON. Impetuous movement already twists and racks my sides. How my +nostrils wheeze! how my back cracks! + +XANTHIAS. Go and fill yourself with hellebore.[166] + +PHILOCLEON. Phrynichus is as bold as a cock and terrifies his rivals. + +XANTHIAS. Oh! oh! have a care he does not kick you. + +PHILOCLEON. His leg kicks out sky-high, and his arse gapes open.[167] + +XANTHIAS. Do have a care. + +PHILOCLEON. Look how easily my leg-joints move. + +BDELYCLEON. Great gods! What does all this mean? Is it actual, downright +madness? + +PHILOCLEON. And now I summon and challenge my rivals. If there be a +tragic poet who pretends to be a skilful dancer, let him come and contest +the matter with me. Is there one? Is there _not_ one? + +BDELYCLEON. Here comes one, and one only. + +PHILOCLEON. Who is the wretch? + +BDELYCLEON. 'Tis the younger son of Carcinus.[168] + +PHILOCLEON. I will crush him to nothing; in point of keeping time, I will +knock him out, for he knows nothing of rhythm. + +BDELYCLEON. Ah! ah! here comes his brother too, another tragedian, and +another son of Carcinus. + +PHILOCLEON. Him I will devour for my dinner. + +BDELYCLEON. Oh! ye gods! I see nothing but crabs.[169] Here is yet +another son of Carcinus. + +PHILOCLEON. What is't comes here? A shrimp or a spider?[170] + +BDELYCLEON. 'Tis a crab,[171]--a crabkin, the smallest of its kind; he +writes tragedies. + +PHILOCLEON. Oh! Carcinus, how proud you should be of your brood! What a +crowd of kinglets have come swooping down here! + +BDELYCLEON. Come, come, my poor father, you will have to measure yourself +against them. + +PHILOCLEON. Have pickle prepared for seasoning them, if I am bound to +prove the victor. + +CHORUS. Let us stand out of the way a little, so that they may twirl at +their ease. Come, illustrious children of this inhabitant of the briny, +brothers of the shrimps, skip on the sand and the shore of the barren +sea; show us the lightning whirls and twirls of your nimble limbs. +Glorious offspring of Phrynichus,[172] let fly your kicks, so that the +spectators may be overjoyed at seeing your legs so high in air. Twist, +twirl, tap your bellies, kick your legs to the sky. Here comes your +famous father, the ruler of the sea,[173] delighted to see his three +lecherous kinglets.[174] Go on with your dancing, if it pleases you, but +as for us, we shall not join you. Lead us promptly off the stage, for +never a Comedy yet was seen where the Chorus finished off with a dance. + + * * * * * + +FINIS OF "THE WASPS" + + * * * * * + +Footnotes: + +[1] Meaning, Bdelycleon will thrash you if you do not keep a good watch +on his father. + +[2] The Corybantes, priests of Cybelé, comported themselves like madmen +in the celebration of their mysteries and made the air resound with the +the noise of their drums. + +[3] Cleonymus had shown himself equally cowardly on all occasions; he is +frequently referred to by Aristophanes, both in this and other comedies. + +[4] The cloak and the staff were the insignia of the dicasts; the poet +describes them as sheep, because they were Cleon's servile tools. + +[5] An allusion to Cleon, who was a tanner. + +[6] In Greek, [Greek: d_emos] ([Greek: d_emós], _fat_; [Greek: d_êmos], +_people_) means both _fat_ and _people_. + +[7] A tool of Cleon's; he had been sent on an embassy to Persia (_vide_ +'The Acharnians'). The crow is a thief and rapacious, just as Theorus +was. + +[8] In his life of Alcibiades, Plutarch mentions this defect in his +speech; or it may have been a 'fine gentleman' affectation. + +[9] Among the Greeks, _going to the crows_ was equivalent to our _going +to the devil_. + +[10] No doubt the fee generally given to the street diviners who were +wont to interpret dreams. + +[11] Coarse buffoonery was welcomed at Megara, where, by the by, it is +said that Comedy had its birth. + +[12] To gain the favour of the audience, the Comic poets often caused +fruit and cakes to be thrown to them. + +[13] The gluttony of Heracles was a constant subject of jest with the +Comic poets. + +[14] The incident of Pylos (see 'The Knights'). + +[15] The Greek word for _friend of strangers_ is [Greek: philoxenos], +which happened also to be the name of one of the vilest debauchees in +Athens. + +[16] The tribunal of the Heliasts came next in dignity only to the +Areopagus. The dicasts, or jurymen, generally numbered 500; at times it +would call in the assistance of one or two other tribunals, and the +number of judges would then rise to 1000 or even 1500. + +[17] A water-clock, used in the courts for limiting the time of the +pleaders. + +[18] The pebble was held between the thumb and two fingers, in the same +way as one would hold a pinch of incense. + +[19] A young Athenian of great beauty, also mentioned by Plato in his +'Gorgias.' Lovers were font of writing the name of the object of their +adoration on the walls (see 'The Acharnians'). + +[20] [Greek: K_emos], the Greek term for the funnel-shaped top of the +voting urn, into which the judges dropped their voting pebbles. + +[21] Racine has introduced this incident with some modification into his +'Plaideurs.' + +[22] Although called _Heliasts_ ([Greek: H_elios], the sun), the judges +sat under cover. One of the columns that supported the roof is here +referred to. + +[23] The juryman gave his vote for condemnation by tracing a line +horizontally across a waxed tablet. This was one method in use; another +was by means of pebbles placed in one or other of two voting urns. + +[24] Used for the purpose of voting. There were two urns, one for each of +the two opinions, and each heliast placed a pebble in one of them. + +[25] The Heliast's badge of office. + +[26] To prepare him for initiation into the mysteries of the Corybantes. + +[27] Who pretended to cure madness; they were priests of Cybelé. + +[28] The sacred instrument of the Corybantes. + +[29] _Friend of Cleon,_ who had raised the daily salary of the Heliasts +to three obols. + +[30] _Enemy of Cleon._ + +[31] The smoke of fig-wood is very acrid, like the character of the +Heliasts. + +[32] Used for closing the chimney, when needed. + +[33] Which had been stretched all round the courtyard to prevent his +escape. + +[34] Market-day. + +[35] He enters the courtyard, returning with the ass, under whose belly +Philocleon is clinging. + +[36] In the Odyssey (Bk. IX) Homer makes his hero, 'the wily' Odysseus, +escape from the Cyclops' cave by clinging on under a ram's belly, which +slips past its blinded master without noticing the trick played on him. +Odysseus, when asked his name by the Cyclops, replies, _Outis_, Nobody. + +[37] A name formed out of two Greek words, meaning, _running away on a +horse_. + +[38] The story goes that a traveller who had hired an ass, having placed +himself in its shadow to escape the heat of the sun, was sued by the +driver, who had pretended that he had let the ass, not but its shadow; +hence the Greek proverb, _to quarrel about the shade of an ass_, i.e. +about nothing at all. + +[39] When you inherit from me. + +[40] There is a similar incident in the 'Plaideurs.' + +[41] A Macedonian town in the peninsula of Pallené; it had shaken off the +Athenian yoke and was not retaken for two years. + +[42] A disciple of Thespis, who even in his infancy devoted himself to +the dramatic art. He was the first to introduce female characters on the +stage. He flourished about 500 B.C., having won his first prize for +Tragedy in 511 B.C., twelve years before Aeschylus. + +[43] Originally subjected to Sparta by Pausanias in 478 B.C., it was +retaken by Cimon in 471, or forty-eight years previous to the production +of 'The Wasps.' The old Heliasts refer to this latter event. + +[44] An Athenian general, who had been defeated when sent to Sicily with +a fleet to the succour of Leontini; no doubt Cleon had charged him with +treachery. + +[45] The Samians were in league with the Persians, but a certain +Carystion betrayed the plot, and thanks to this the Athenians were able +to retake Samos before the island had obtained help from Asia. + +[46] The towns of Thrace, up to that time the faithful allies of Athens, +were beginning to throw off her yoke. + +[47] Who fulfilled the office of president. + +[48] Meaning, "Will it only remain for us to throw ourselves into the +water?" Hellé, taken by a ram across the narrow strait, called the +Hellespont after her name, fell into the waves and was drowned. + +[49] He is a prisoner inside, and speaks through the closed doors. + +[50] This boiling, acid pickle reminds him of the fiery, acrid temper of +the heliasts. + +[51] A name invented for the occasion; it really means, _Cleon who holds +the people in his snares_. + +[52] When he entered Troy as a spy. + +[53] The island of Naxos was taken by Cimon, in consequence of sedition +in the town of Naxos, about fifty years before the production of 'The +Wasps.' + +[54] One of the titles under which Artemis, the goddess of the chase, was +worshipped. + +[55] Demeter and Persephone. This was an accusation frequently brought +against people in Athens. + +[56] An orator of great violence of speech and gesture. + +[57] For Philocleon, the titulary god was Lycus, the son of Pandion, the +King of Athens, because a statue stood erected to him close to the spot +where the tribunals sat, and because he recognized no other fatherland +but the tribunals. + +[58] A debauchee and an embezzler of public funds, already mentioned a +little above. + +[59] Aristophanes speaks of him in 'The Birds' as a traitor and as an +alien who usurped the rights of the city. + +[60] A Greek proverb signifying "Much ado about nothing." + +[61] A Spartan general, who perished in the same battle as Cleon, before +Amphipolis, in 422 B.C. + +[62] Meaning, the mere beginnings of any matter. + +[63] This 'figure of love'--woman atop of the man--is known in Greek as +[Greek: hippos] (Latin _equus_, 'the horse'); note the play upon words +with the name Hippias. + +[64] A tragic poet, who was a great lover of good cheer, it appears. + +[65] Old men, who carried olive branches in the processions of the +Panathenaea. Those whose great age or infirmity forbade their being used +for any other purpose were thus employed. + +[66] An obscene pun. [Greek: Choiros] means both _a sow_ and the female +organ. + +[67] A celebrated actor. + +[68] There were two tragedies named 'Niobé,' one by Aeschylus and the +other by Sophocles, both now lost. + +[69] A double strap, which flute-players applied to their lips and was +said to give softness to the tones. + +[70] The shell was fixed over the seal to protect it. + +[71] A calumniator and a traitor (see 'The Acharnians'). + +[72] Cleonymus, whose name the poet modifies, so as to introduce the idea +of a flatterer ([Greek: kolax]). + +[73] Another flatterer, a creature of Cleon's. + +[74] Athenian poor, having no purse, would put small coins into mouth for +safety. We know that the triobolus was the daily of the judges. Its value +was about 4-1/2 d. + +[75] A jar of wine, which he had bought with his pay. + +[76] A jar with two long ears or handles, in this way resembling an ass. + +[77] A well-known flute-player. + +[78] We have already seen that when accepting his son's challenge he +swore to fall upon his sword if defeated in the debate. + +[79] Pericles had first introduced the custom of sending poor citizens, +among whom the land was divided, into the conquered countries. The island +of Aegina had been mainly divided in this way among Athenian colonists. + +[80] The choenix was a measure corresponding to our quart. + +[81] A verse borrowed from Euripides' 'Bellerophon.' + +[82] i.e. a legislator. The name given in Athens to the last six of the +nine Archons, because it was their special duty to see the laws +respected. + +[83] Mentioned both in 'The Acharnians' and 'The Knights.' + +[84] The drachma was worth six obols, or twice the pay of a heliast. + +[85] We have already seen that the Athenians sometimes kept their small +money in their mouth. + +[86] Which were placed in the courts; dogs were sacrificed on them. + +[87] As already stated, the statue of Lycus stood close to the place +where the tribunals sat. + +[88] The barrier in the Heliaea, which separated the heliasts from the +public. + +[89] The whole of this comic trial of the dog Labes is an allusion to the +general Laches, already mentioned, who had failed in Sicily. He was +accused of taking bribes of money from the Sicilians. + +[90] To serve for a bar. + +[91] This was a customary formula, [Greek: aph' Estias archou], "begin +from Hestia," first adore Vesta, the god of the family hearth. In similar +fashion, the Romans said, _ab Jove principium_. + +[92] For conviction and acquittal. + +[93] On which the sentence was entered. + +[94] No doubt the stew-pot and the wine-jar. + +[95] The _article_ Bdelycleon had brought.--The clepsydra was a kind of +water-clock; the other vessel is compared to it, because of the liquid in +it. + +[96] A title of Apollo, worshipped as the god of healing. + +[97] A title of Apollo, because of the sacrifices, which the Athenians +offered him in the streets, from [Greek: aguia], a street. + +[98] Bdelycleon. + +[99] The formula used by the president before declaring the sitting of +the Court opened. + +[100] That is, by way of fine. + +[101] A reference to the peculations Laches was supposed to have +practised in keeping back part of the pay of the Athenian sailors engaged +in the Sicilian Expedition. + +[102] The [Greek: Thesmothetai] at Athens were the six junior Archons, +who judged cases assigned to no special Court, presided at the allotment +of magistrates, etc. + +[103] Thucydides, son of Milesias, when accused by Pericles, could not +say a word in his own defence. One would have said his tongue was +paralysed. He was banished.--He must not be confounded with Thucydides +the historian, whose exile took place after the production of 'The +Wasps.' + +[104] When the judges were touched by the pleading of the orator and were +decided on acquittal, they said to the defending advocate, "_Cease +speaking, descend from the rostrum._" + +[105] There were two urns, one called that of Conviction, the other of +Acquittal. + +[106] Meaning, that he had at first produced pieces under the name of +other poets, such as Callistrates and Phidonides. + +[107] Eurycles, an Athenian diviner, surnamed the Engastromythes ([Greek: +muthos], speech, [Greek: en gastri], in the belly), because he was +believed to be inspired by a genius within him.--The same name was also +given to the priestesses of Apollo, who spoke their oracles without +moving their lips. + +[108] Some poets misused their renown as a means of seduction among young +men. + +[109] Cleon, whom he attacked in 'The Knights,' the first Comedy that +Aristophanes had produced in his own name. + +[110] Cynna, like Salabaccha, was a shameless courtesan of the day. + +[111] The lamiae were mysterious monsters, to whom the ancients ascribed +the most varied forms. They were depicted most frequently with the face +and bosom of a woman and the body of a serpent. Here Aristophanes endows +them with organs of virility. It was said that the blood of young men had +a special attraction for them. These lines, abusive of Cleon, occur again +in the 'Peace,' II. 738-42. + +[112] Socrates and the sophists, with whom the poet confounds him in his +attacks. + +[113] He likens them to vampires. + +[114] The third Archon, whose duty was the protection of strangers. All +cases involving the rights of citizenship were tried before him. These +were a frequent cause of lawsuit at Athens. + +[115] 'The Clouds' had not been well received. + +[116] Aristophanes lets it be understood that the refusal to crown him +arose from the fact that he had been too bold in his attack. + +[117] To perfume their caskets, etc., the Ancients placed scented fruit, +especially oranges, in them. + +[118] The pastimes of love. + +[119] At Marathon, where the Athenians defeated the Persian invaders, 490 +B.C. The battle-field is a plain on the north-east coast of Attica, about +twenty-seven miles from Athens. + +[120] A favourable omen, of course. The owl was the bird of Athené. + +[121] An allusion to Cimon's naval victories. + +[122] The Cyclades islands and many towns on the coast of Asia Minor. + +[123] The tribunals. + +[124] The six last Archons presided over the civil courts and were styled +Thesmothetae (see above). + +[125] Magistrates, who had charge of criminal cases. + +[126] Built by Pericles. Musical contests were held there. Here also took +place distributions of flour, and the presence of the magistrates was no +doubt necessary to decide on the spot any disputes that might arise +regarding this. + +[127] This, says the Scholiast, refers to magistrates appointed for the +upkeep of the walls. They were selected by ballot from amongst the +general body of Heliasts. + +[128] The demagogues and their flatterers. + +[129] The battle of Artemisium on the Euboean coast; a terrible storm +arose and almost destroyed the barbarian fleet, while sparing that of the +Athenians. + +[130] A mantle trimmed with fur. + +[131] A rural deme of Attica. Rough coats were made there, formed of +skins sewn together. + +[132] An effeminate poet. + +[133] He compares the thick, shaggy stuff of the pelisse to the +intestines of a bullock, which have a sort of crimped and curled look. + +[134] An Attic talent was equal to about fifty-seven pounds avoirdupois. + +[135] He grumbles over his own good fortune, as old men will. + +[136] Lamia, the daughter of Belus and Libya, was loved by Zeus. Heré +deprived her of her beauty and instilled her with a passion for blood; +she is said to have plucked babes from their mothers' breast to devour +them. Weary of her crimes, the gods turned her into a beast of prey. + +[137] Theagenes, of the Acharnian deme, was afflicted with a weakness +which caused him to be constantly letting off loud, stinking farts, even +in public--the cause of many gibes on the part of the Comic poets and his +contemporaries. + +[138] He had been sent on a mission as an armed ambassador, i.e. as a +common soldier, whose pay was two obols. + +[139] The [Greek: pankration] was a combined exercise, including both +wrestling and boxing. + +[140] All these names have been already mentioned. + +[141] Each time Philocleon takes up the song with words that are a satire +on the guest who begins the strain. + +[142] King Admetus (Euripides' 'Alcestis') had suffered his devoted wife +Alcestis to die to save his life when ill to death. Heracles, however, to +repay former benefits received, descended into Hades and rescued Alcestis +from Pluto's clutches. + +[143] A famous epicure, the Lucullus of Athens (see 'The Acharnians'). + +[144] A parasite renowned for his gluttony. + +[145] A town in Thessaly. + +[146] Because of his poverty. + +[147] Four lines in 'The Knights' describe the infamous habits of +Ariphrades in detail. + +[148] That is, it ceases to support it; Aristophanes does the same to +Cleon. + +[149] Referring to Lysistratus' leanness. + +[150] A tragic actor, whose wardrobe had been sold up, so the story went, +by his creditors. + +[151] He enters, followed closely by the persons he has ill-used, and +leading a flute-girl by the hand. + +[152] Meaning his penis. + +[153] Dardanus, a district of Asia Minor, north of the Troad, supplied +many flute-girls to the cities of Greece. + +[154] Pointing to the flute-girl's _motte_. + +[155] He tells his son the very story the latter had taught him. + +[156] The name of the baker's wife. + +[157] Or Agoranomi, who numbered ten at Athens. + +[158] The disciple of Socrates. + +[159] Lasus, a musician and dithyrambic poet, born about 500 B.C. in +Argolis, was the rival of Simonides and thought himself his superior. + +[160] Ino, the daughter of Cadmus and Harmonia. Being pursued by her +husband, Athamas, whom the Fury Tisiphoné had driven mad, she threw +herself into the sea with Melicerta, whereupon they were both changed +into sea-goddesses.--This is the subject of one of Euripides' tragedies. + +[161] A famous town in Magna Graecia, south coast of Italy. + +[162] A celebrated physician.--Philocleon means, "Instead of starting an +action, go and have yourself cared for; that is better worth your while." + +[163] The dances that Thespis, the originator of Tragedy, interspersed +with the speaking parts of his plays. + +[164] A verse borrowed from an unknown Tragedy. + +[165] As was done in the stadia when the races were to be started. + +[166] The ancients considered it a specific against madness. + +[167] Phrynichus, like all the ancient tragic writers, mingled many +dances with his pieces. + +[168] Tragic poet. His three sons had also written tragedies and were +dancers into the bargain. + +[169] Carcinus, by a mere transposition of the accent ([Greek: +karkívos]), means _crab_ in Greek; hence the pun. + +[170] Carcinus' sons were small and thin. + +[171] The third son of Carcinus. + +[172] Meaning, the three sons of Carcinus, the dancers, because, as +mentioned before, Phrynichus often introduced a chorus of dancers into +his Tragedies. + +[173] Carcinus himself. + +[174] The Greek word is [Greek: triorchoi]--possessed of three testicles, +of three-testicle power, inordinately lecherous; with the change of a +letter ([Greek: triarchoi]) it means 'three rulers,' 'three kinglets.' + + + + +THE BIRDS + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +The Birds' differs markedly from all the other Comedies of Aristophanes +which have come down to us in subject and general conception. It is just +an extravaganza pure and simple--a graceful, whimsical theme chosen +expressly for the sake of the opportunities it afforded of bright, +amusing dialogue, pleasing lyrical interludes, and charming displays of +brilliant stage effects and pretty dresses. Unlike other plays of the +same Author, there is here apparently no serious political _motif_ +underlying the surface burlesque and buffoonery. + +Some critics, it is true, profess to find in it a reference to the +unfortunate Sicilian Expedition, then in progress, and a prophecy of its +failure and the political downfall of Alcibiades. But as a matter of +fact, the whole thing seems rather an attempt on the dramatist's part to +relieve the overwrought minds of his fellow-citizens, anxious and +discouraged at the unsatisfactory reports from before Syracuse, by a work +conceived in a lighter vein than usual and mainly unconnected with +contemporary realities. + +The play was produced in the year 414 B.C., just when success or failure +in Sicily hung in the balance, though already the outlook was gloomy, and +many circumstances pointed to impending disaster. Moreover, the public +conscience was still shocked and perturbed over the mysterious affair of +the mutilation of the Hermae, which had occurred immediately before the +sailing of the fleet, and strongly suspicious of Alcibiades' +participation in the outrage. In spite of the inherent charm of the +subject, the splendid outbursts of lyrical poetry in some of the choruses +and the beauty of the scenery and costumes, 'The Birds' failed to win the +first prize. This was acclaimed to a play of Aristophanes' rival, +Amipsias, the title of which, 'The Comastae,' _or_ 'Revellers,' "seems +to imply that the chief interest was derived from direct allusions to the +outrage above mentioned and to the individuals suspected to have been +engaged in it." + +For this reason, which militated against its immediate success, viz. the +absence of direct allusion to contemporary politics--there are, of +course, incidental references here and there to topics and personages of +the day--the play appeals perhaps more than any other of our Author's +productions to the modern reader. Sparkling wit, whimsical fancy, poetic +charm, are of all ages, and can be appreciated as readily by ourselves as +by an Athenian audience of two thousand years ago, though, of course, +much is inevitably lost "without the important adjuncts of music, +scenery, dresses and what we may call 'spectacle' generally, which we +know in this instance to have been on the most magnificent scale." + +"The plot is this. Euelpides and Pisthetaerus, two old Athenians, +disgusted with the litigiousness, wrangling and sycophancy of their +countrymen, resolve upon quitting Attica. Having heard of the fame of +Epops (the hoopoe), sometime called Tereus, and now King of the Birds, +they determine, under the direction of a raven and a jackdaw, to seek +from him and his subject birds a city free from all care and strife." +Arrived at the Palace of Epops, they knock, and Trochilus (the wren), in +a state of great flutter, as he mistakes them for fowlers, opens the door +and informs them that his Majesty is asleep. When he awakes, the +strangers appear before him, and after listening to a long and eloquent +harangue on the superior attractions of a residence among the birds, they +propose a notable scheme of their own to further enhance its advantages +and definitely secure the sovereignty of the universe now exercised by +the gods of Olympus. + +The birds are summoned to meet in general council. They come flying up +from all quarters of the heavens, and after a brief misunderstanding, +during which they come near tearing the two human envoys to pieces, they +listen to the exposition of the latters' plan. This is nothing less than +the building of a new city, to be called Nephelococcygia, or +'Cloud-cuckoo-town,' between earth and heaven, to be garrisoned and +guarded by the birds in such a way as to intercept all communication of +the gods with their worshippers on earth. All steam of sacrifice will be +prevented from rising to Olympus, and the Immortals will very soon be +starved into an acceptance of any terms proposed. + +The new Utopia is duly constructed, and the daring plan to secure the +sovereignty is in a fair way to succeed. Meantime various quacks and +charlatans, each with a special scheme for improving things, arrive from +earth, and are one after the other exposed and dismissed. Presently +arrives Prometheus, who informs Epops of the desperate straits to which +the gods are by this time reduced, and advises him to push his claims and +demand the hand of Basileia (Dominion), the handmaid of Zeus. Next an +embassy from the Olympians appears on the scene, consisting of Heracles, +Posidon and a god from the savage regions of the Triballians. After some +disputation, it is agreed that all reasonable demands of the birds are to +be granted, while Pisthetaerus is to have Basileia as his bride. The +comedy winds up with the epithalamium in honour of the nuptials. + + * * * * * + +THE BIRDS + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +EUELPIDES. +PISTHETAERUS. +EPOPS (the Hoopoe). +TROCHILUS, Servant to Epops. +PHOENICOPTERUS. +HERALDS. +A PRIEST. +A POET. +A PROPHET. +METON, a Geometrician. +A COMMISSIONER. +A DEALER IN DECREES. +IRIS. +A PARRICIDE. +CINESIAS, a Dithyrambic Bard. +AN INFORMER. +PROMETHEUS. +POSIDON. +TRIBALLUS. +HERACLES. +SERVANT of PISTHETAERUS. +MESSENGERS. +CHORUS OF BIRDS. + +SCENE: A wild, desolate tract of open country; broken rocks and brushwood +occupy the centre of the stage. + + * * * * * + +THE BIRDS + + +EUELPIDES (_to his jay_).[175] Do you think I should walk straight for +yon tree? + +PISTHETAERUS (_to his crow_). Cursed beast, what are you croaking to +me?... to retrace my steps? + +EUELPIDES. Why, you wretch, we are wandering at random, we are exerting +ourselves only to return to the same spot; 'tis labour lost. + +PISTHETAERUS. To think that I should trust to this crow, which has made +me cover more than a thousand furlongs! + +EUELPIDES. And I to this jay, who has torn every nail from my fingers! + +PISTHETAERUS. If only I knew where we were. . . . + +EUELPIDES. Could you find your country again from here? + +PISTHETAERUS. No, I feel quite sure I could not, any more than could +Execestides[176] find his. + +EUELPIDES. Oh dear! oh dear! + +PISTHETAERUS. Aye, aye, my friend, 'tis indeed the road of "oh dears" we +are following. + +EUELPIDES. That Philocrates, the bird-seller, played us a scurvy trick, +when he pretended these two guides could help us to find Tereus,[177] the +Epops, who is a bird, without being born of one. He has indeed sold us +this jay, a true son of Tharelides,[178] for an obolus, and this crow for +three, but what can they do? Why, nothing whatever but bite and +scratch!--What's the matter with you then, that you keep opening your +beak? Do you want us to fling ourselves headlong down these rocks? There +is no road that way. + +PISTHETAERUS. Not even the vestige of a track in any direction. + +EUELPIDES. And what does the crow say about the road to follow? + +PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus, it no longer croaks the same thing it did. + +EUELPIDES. And which way does it tell us to go now? + +PISTHETAERUS. It says that, by dint of gnawing, it will devour my +fingers. + +EUELPIDES. What misfortune is ours! we strain every nerve to get to the +birds,[179] do everything we can to that end, and we cannot find our way! +Yes, spectators, our madness is quite different to that of Sacas. He is +not a citizen, and would fain be one at any cost; we, on the contrary, +born of an honourable tribe and family and living in the midst of our +fellow-citizens, we have fled from our country as hard as ever we could +go. 'Tis not that we hate it; we recognize it to be great and rich, +likewise that everyone has the right to ruin himself; but the crickets +only chirrup among the fig-trees for a month or two, whereas the +Athenians spend their whole lives in chanting forth judgments from their +law courts.[180] That is why we started off with a basket, a stew-pot and +some myrtle boughs[181] and have come to seek a quiet country in which to +settle. We are going to Tereus, the Epops, to learn from him, whether, in +his aerial flights, he has noticed some town of this kind. + +PISTHETAERUS. Here! look! + +EUELPIDES. What's the matter? + +PISTHETAERUS. Why, the crow has been pointing me to something up there +for some time now. + +EUELPIDES. And the jay is also opening its beak and craning its neck to +show me I know not what. Clearly, there are some birds about here. We +shall soon know, if we kick up a noise to start them. + +PISTHETAERUS. Do you know what to do? Knock your leg against this rock. + +EUELPIDES. And you your head to double the noise. + +PISTHETAERUS. Well then use a stone instead; take one and hammer with it. + +EUELPIDES. Good idea! Ho there, within! Slave! slave! + +PISTHETAERUS. What's that, friend! You say, "slave," to summon Epops! +'Twould be much better to shout, "Epops, Epops!" + +EUELPIDES. Well then, Epops! Must I knock again? Epops! + +TROCHILUS. Who's there? Who calls my master? + +EUELPIDES. Apollo the Deliverer! what an enormous beak![182] + +TROCHILUS. Good god! they are bird-catchers. + +EUELPIDES. The mere sight of him petrifies me with terror. What a +horrible monster! + +TROCHILUS. Woe to you! + +EUELPIDES. But we are not men. + +TROCHILUS. What are you, then? + +EUELPIDES. I am the Fearling, an African bird. + +TROCHILUS. You talk nonsense. + +EUELPIDES. Well, then, just ask it of my feet.[183] + +TROCHILUS. And this other one, what bird is it? + +PISTHETAERUS. I? I am a Cackling,[184] from the land of the pheasants. + +EUELPIDES. But you yourself, in the name of the gods! what animal are +you? + +TROCHILUS. Why, I am a slave-bird. + +EUELPIDES. Why, have you been conquered by a cock? + +TROCHILUS. No, but when my master was turned into a peewit, he begged me +to become a bird too, to follow and to serve him. + +EUELPIDES. Does a bird need a servant, then? + +TROCHILUS. 'Tis no doubt because he was a man. At times he wants to eat a +dish of loach from Phalerum; I seize my dish and fly to fetch him some. +Again he wants some pea-soup; I seize a ladle and a pot and run to get +it. + +EUELPIDES. This is, then, truly a running-bird.[185] Come, Trochilus, do +us the kindness to call your master. + +TROCHILUS. Why, he has just fallen asleep after a feed of myrtle-berries +and a few grubs. + +EUELPIDES. Never mind; wake him up. + +TROCHILUS. I am certain he will be angry. However, I will wake him to +please you. + +PISTHETAERUS. You cursed brute! why, I am almost dead with terror! + +EUELPIDES. Oh! my god! 'twas sheer fear that made me lose my jay. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! you great coward! were you so frightened that you let +go your jay? + +EUELPIDES. And did you not lose your crow, when you fell sprawling on the +ground? Pray tell me that. + +PISTHETAERUS. No, no. + +EUELPIDES. Where is it, then? + +PISTHETAERUS. It has flown away. + +EUELPIDES. Then you did not let it go! Oh! you brave fellow! + +EPOPS. Open the forest,[186] that I may go out! + +EUELPIDES. By Heracles! what a creature! what plumage! What means this +triple crest? + +EPOPS. Who wants me? + +EUELPIDES. The twelve great gods have used you ill, meseems. + +EPOPS. Are you chaffing me about my feathers? I have been a man, +strangers. + +EUELPIDES. 'Tis not you we are jeering at. + +EPOPS. At what, then? + +EUELPIDES. Why, 'tis your beak that looks so odd to us. + +EPOPS. This is how Sophocles outrages me in his tragedies. Know, I once +was Tereus.[187] + +EUELPIDES. You were Tereus, and what are you now? a bird or a +peacock?[188] + +EPOPS. I am a bird. + +EUELPIDES. Then where are your feathers? For I don't see them. + +EPOPS. They have fallen off. + +EUELPIDES. Through illness. + +EPOPS. No. All birds moult their feathers, you know, every winter, and +others grow in their place. But tell me, who are you? + +EUELPIDES. We? We are mortals. + +EPOPS. From what country? + +EUELPIDES. From the land of the beautiful galleys.[189] + +EPOPS. Are you dicasts?[190] + +EUELPIDES. No, if anything, we are anti-dicasts. + +EPOPS. Is that kind of seed sown among you?[191] + +EUELPIDES. You have to look hard to find even a little in our fields. + +EPOPS. What brings you here? + +EUELPIDES. We wish to pay you a visit. + +EPOPS. What for? + +EUELPIDES. Because you formerly were a man, like we are, formerly you had +debts, as we have, formerly you did not want to pay them, like ourselves; +furthermore, being turned into a bird, you have when flying seen all +lands and seas. Thus you have all human knowledge as well as that of +birds. And hence we have come to you to beg you to direct us to some cosy +town, in which one can repose as if on thick coverlets. + +EPOPS. And are you looking for a greater city than Athens? + +EUELPIDES. No, not a greater, but one more pleasant to dwell in. + +EPOPS. Then you are looking for an aristocratic country. + +EUELPIDES. I? Not at all! I hold the son of Scellias in horror.[192] + +EPOPS. But, after all, what sort of city would please you best? + +EUELPIDES. A place where the following would be the most important +business transacted.--Some friend would come knocking at the door quite +early in the morning saying, "By Olympian Zeus, be at my house early, as +soon as you have bathed, and bring your children too. I am giving a +nuptial feast, so don't fail, or else don't cross my threshold when I am +in distress." + +EPOPS. Ah! that's what may be called being fond of hardships. And what +say you? + +PISTHETAERUS. My tastes are similar. + +EPOPS. And they are? + +PISTHETAERUS. I want a town where the father of a handsome lad will stop +in the street and say to me reproachfully as if I had failed him, "Ah! Is +this well done, Stilbonides! You met my son coming from the bath after +the gymnasium and you neither spoke to him, nor embraced him, nor took +him with you, nor ever once twitched his testicles. Would anyone call you +an old friend of mine?" + +EPOPS. Ah! wag, I see you are fond of suffering. But there is a city of +delights, such as you want. 'Tis on the Red Sea. + +EUELPIDES. Oh, no. Not a sea-port, where some fine morning the +Salaminian[193] galley can appear, bringing a writ-server along. Have you +no Greek town you can propose to us? + +EPOPS. Why not choose Lepreum in Elis for your settlement? + +EUELPIDES. By Zeus! I could not look at Lepreum without disgust, because +of Melanthius.[194] + +EPOPS. Then, again, there is the Opuntian, where you could live. + +EUELPIDES. I would not be Opuntian[195] for a talent. But come, what is +it like to live with the birds? You should know pretty well. + +EPOPS. Why, 'tis not a disagreeable life. In the first place, one has no +purse. + +EUELPIDES. That does away with much roguery. + +EPOPS. For food the gardens yield us white sesame, myrtle-berries, +poppies and mint. + +EUELPIDES. Why, 'tis the life of the newly-wed indeed.[196] + +PISTHETAERUS. Ha! I am beginning to see a great plan, which will transfer +the supreme power to the birds, if you will but take my advice. + +EPOPS. Take your advice? In what way? + +PISTHETAERUS. In what way? Well, firstly, do not fly in all directions +with open beak; it is not dignified. Among us, when we see a thoughtless +man, we ask, "What sort of bird is this?" and Teleas answers, "'Tis a man +who has no brain, a bird that has lost his head, a creature you cannot +catch, for it never remains in any one place." + +EPOPS. By Zeus himself! your jest hits the mark. What then is to be done? + +PISTHETAERUS. Found a city. + +EPOPS. We birds? But what sort of city should we build? + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh, really, really! 'tis spoken like a fool! Look down. + +EPOPS. I am looking. + +PISTHETAERUS. Now look upwards. + +EPOPS. I am looking. + +PISTHETAERUS. Turn your head round. + +EPOPS. Ah! 'twill be pleasant for me, if I end in twisting my neck! + +PISTHETAERUS. What have you seen? + +EPOPS. The clouds and the sky. + +PISTHETAERUS. Very well! is not this the pole of the birds then? + +EPOPS. How their pole? + +PISTHETAERUS. Or, if you like it, the land. And since it turns and passes +through the whole universe, it is called, 'pole.'[197] If you build and +fortify it, you will turn your pole into a fortified city.[198] In this +way you will reign over mankind as you do over the grasshoppers and cause +the gods to die of rabid hunger. + +EPOPS. How so? + +PISTHETAERUS. The air is 'twixt earth and heaven. When we want to go to +Delphi, we ask the Boeotians[199] for leave of passage; in the same way, +when men sacrifice to the gods, unless the latter pay you tribute, you +exercise the right of every nation towards strangers and don't allow the +smoke of the sacrifices to pass through your city and territory. + +EPOPS. By earth! by snares! by network![200] I never heard of anything +more cleverly conceived; and, if the other birds approve, I am going to +build the city along with you. + +PISTHETAERUS. Who will explain the matter to them? + +EPOPS. You must yourself. Before I came they were quite ignorant, but +since I have lived with them I have taught them to speak. + +PISTHETAERUS. But how can they be gathered together? + +EPOPS. Easily. I will hasten down to the coppice to waken my dear +Procné;[201] as soon as they hear our voices, they will come to us hot +wing. + +PISTHETAERUS. My dear bird, lose no time, I beg. Fly at once into the +coppice and awaken Procné. + +EPOPS. Chase off drowsy sleep, dear companion. Let the sacred hymn gush +from thy divine throat in melodious strains; roll forth in soft cadence +your refreshing melodies to bewail the fate of Itys,[202] which has been +the cause of so many tears to us both. Your pure notes rise through the +thick leaves of the yew-tree right up to the throne of Zeus, where +Phoebus listens to you, Phoebus with his golden hair. And his ivory lyre +responds to your plaintive accents; he gathers the choir of the gods and +from their immortal lips rushes a sacred chant of blessed voices. (_The +flute is played behind the scene._) + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! by Zeus! what a throat that little bird possesses. He +has filled the whole coppice with honey-sweet melody! + +EUELPIDES. Hush! + +PISTHETAERUS. What's the matter? + +EUELPIDES. Will you keep silence? + +PISTHETAERUS. What for? + +EUELPIDES. Epops is going to sing again. + +EPOPS (_in the coppice_). Epopoi, poi, popoi, epopoi, popoi, here, here, +quick, quick, quick, my comrades in the air; all you, who pillage the +fertile lands of the husbandmen, the numberless tribes who gather and +devour the barley seeds, the swift flying race who sing so sweetly. And +you whose gentle twitter resounds through the fields with the little cry +of tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio; and you who hop about the +branches of the ivy in the gardens; the mountain birds, who feed on the +wild olive berries or the arbutus, hurry to come at my call, trioto, +trioto, totobrix; you also, who snap up the sharp-stinging gnats in the +marshy vales, and you who dwell in the fine plain of Marathon, all damp +with dew, and you, the francolin with speckled wings; you too, the +halcyons, who flit over the swelling waves of the sea, come hither to +hear the tidings; let all the tribes of long-necked birds assemble here; +know that a clever old man has come to us, bringing an entirely new idea +and proposing great reforms. Let all come to the debate here, here, here, +here. Torotorotorotorotix, kikkobau, kikkobau, torotorotorotorolililix. + +PISTHETAERUS. Can you see any bird? + +EUELPIDES. By Phoebus, no! and yet I am straining my eyesight to scan the +sky. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Twas really not worth Epops' while to go and bury himself +in the thicket like a plover when a-hatching. + +PHOENICOPTERUS. Torotina, torotina. + +PISTHETAERUS. Hold, friend, here is another bird. + +EUELPIDES. I' faith, yes! 'tis a bird, but of what kind? Isn't it a +peacock? + +PISTHETAERUS. Epops will tell us. What is this bird? + +EPOPS. 'Tis not one of those you are used to seeing; 'tis a bird from the +marshes. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! oh! but he is very handsome with his wings as crimson +as flame. + +EPOPS. Undoubtedly; indeed he is called flamingo.[203] + +EUELPIDES. Hi! I say! You! + +PISTHETAERUS. What are you shouting for? + +EUELPIDES. Why, here's another bird. + +PISTHETAERUS. Aye, indeed; 'tis a foreign bird too. What is this bird +from beyond the mountains with a look as solemn as it is stupid? + +EPOPS. He is called the Mede.[204] + +PISTHETAERUS. The Mede! But, by Heracles! how, if a Mede, has he flown +here without a camel? + +EUELPIDES. Here's another bird with a crest. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! that's curious. I say, Epops, you are not the only one +of your kind then? + +EPOPS. This bird is the son of Philocles, who is the son of Epops;[205] +so that, you see, I am his grandfather; just as one might say, +Hipponicus,[206] the son of Callias, who is the son of Hipponicus. + +PISTHETAERUS. Then this bird is Callias! Why, what a lot of his feathers +he has lost![207] + +EPOPS. That's because he is honest; so the informers set upon him and the +women too pluck out his feathers. + +PISTHETAERUS. By Posidon, do you see that many-coloured bird? What is his +name? + +EPOPS. This one? 'Tis the glutton. + +PISTHETAERUS. Is there another glutton besides Cleonymus? But why, if he +is Cleonymus, has he not thrown away his crest?[208] But what is the +meaning of all these crests? Have these birds come to contend for the +double stadium prize?[209] + +EPOPS. They are like the Carians, who cling to the crests of their +mountains for greater safety.[210] + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh, Posidon! do you see what swarms of birds are gathering +here? + +EUELPIDES. By Phoebus! what a cloud! The entrance to the stage is no +longer visible, so closely do they fly together. + +PISTHETAERUS. Here is the partridge. + +EUELPIDES. Faith! there is the francolin. + +PISTHETAERUS. There is the poachard. + +EUELPIDES. Here is the kingfisher. And over yonder? + +EPOPS. 'Tis the barber. + +EUELPIDES. What? a bird a barber? + +PISTHETAERUS. Why, Sporgilus is one.[211] Here comes the owl. + +EUELPIDES. And who is it brings an owl to Athens?[212] + +PISTHETAERUS. Here is the magpie, the turtle-dove, the swallow, the +horned owl, the buzzard, the pigeon, the falcon, the ring-dove, the +cuckoo, the red-foot, the red-cap, the purple-cap, the kestrel, the +diver, the ousel, the osprey, the wood-pecker. + +EUELPIDES. Oh! oh! what a lot of birds! what a quantity of blackbirds! +how they scold, how they come rushing up! What a noise! what a noise! Can +they be bearing us ill-will? Oh! there! there! they are opening their +beaks and staring at us. + +PISTHETAERUS. Why, so they are. + +CHORUS. Popopopopopopopoi. Where is he who called me? Where am I to find +him? + +EPOPS. I have been waiting for you this long while; I never fail in my +word to my friends. + +CHORUS. Titititititititi. What good thing have you to tell me? + +EPOPS. Something that concerns our common safety, and that is just as +pleasant as it is to the purpose. Two men, who are subtle reasoners, have +come here to seek me. + +CHORUS. Where? What? What are you saying? + +EPOPS. I say, two old men have come from the abode of men to propose a +vast and splendid scheme to us. + +CHORUS. Oh! 'tis a horrible, unheard-of crime! What are you saying? + +EPOPS. Nay! never let my words scare you. + +CHORUS. What have you done then? + +EPOPS. I have welcomed two men, who wish to live with us. + +CHORUS. And you have dared to do that! + +EPOPS. Aye, and am delighted at having done so. + +CHORUS. Where are they? + +EPOPS. In your midst, as I am. + +CHORUS. Ah! ah! we are betrayed; 'tis sacrilege! Our friend, he who +picked up corn-seeds in the same plains as ourselves, has violated our +ancient laws; he has broken the oaths that bind all birds; he has laid a +snare for me, he has handed us over to the attacks of that impious race +which, throughout all time, has never ceased to war against us. As for +this traitorous bird, we will decide his case later, but the two old men +shall be punished forthwith; we are going to tear them to pieces. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis all over with us. + +EUELPIDES. You are the sole cause of all our trouble. Why did you bring +me from down yonder? + +PISTHETAERUS. To have you with me. + +EUELPIDES. Say rather to have me melt into tears. + +PISTHETAERUS. Go to! you are talking nonsense. + +EUELPIDES. How so? + +PISTHETAERUS. How will you be able to cry when once your eyes are pecked +out? + +CHORUS. Io! io! forward to the attack, throw yourselves upon the foe, +spill his blood; take to your wings and surround them on all sides. Woe +to them! let us get to work with our beaks, let us devour them. Nothing +can save them from our wrath, neither the mountain forests, nor the +clouds that float in the sky, nor the foaming deep. Come, peck, tear to +ribbons. Where is the chief of the cohort? Let him engage the right wing. + +EUELPIDES. This is the fatal moment. Where shall I fly to, unfortunate +wretch that I am? + +PISTHETAERUS. Stay! stop here! + +EUELPIDES. That they may tear me to pieces? + +PISTHETAERUS. And how do you think to escape them? + +EUELPIDES. I don't know at all. + +PISTHETAERUS. Come, I will tell you. We must stop and fight them. Let us +arm ourselves with these stew-pots. + +EUELPIDES. Why with the stew-pots? + +PISTHETAERUS. The owl will not attack us.[213] + +EUELPIDES. But do you see all those hooked claws? + +PISTHETAERUS. Seize the spit and pierce the foe on your side. + +EUELPIDES. And how about my eyes? + +PISTHETAERUS. Protect them with this dish or this vinegar-pot. + +EUELPIDES. Oh! what cleverness! what inventive genius! You are a great +general, even greater than Nicias,[214] where stratagem is concerned. + +CHORUS. Forward, forward, charge with your beaks! Come, no delay. Tear, +pluck, strike, flay them, and first of all smash the stew-pot. + +EPOPS. Oh, most cruel of all animals, why tear these two men to pieces, +why kill them? What have they done to you? They belong to the same tribe, +to the same family as my wife.[215] + +CHORUS. Are wolves to be spared? Are they not our most mortal foes? So +let us punish them. + +EPOPS. If they are your foes by nature, they are your friends in heart, +and they come here to give you useful advice. + +CHORUS. Advice or a useful word from their lips, from them, the enemies +of my forbears! + +EPOPS. The wise can often profit by the lessons of a foe, for caution is +the mother of safety. 'Tis just such a thing as one will not learn from a +friend and which an enemy compels you to know. To begin with, 'tis the +foe and not the friend that taught cities to build high walls, to equip +long vessels of war; and 'tis this knowledge that protects our children, +our slaves and our wealth. + +CHORUS. Well then, I agree, let us first hear them, for 'tis best; one +can even learn something in an enemy's school. + +PISTHETAERUS. Their wrath seems to cool. Draw back a little. + +EPOPS. 'Tis only justice, and you will thank me later. + +CHORUS. Never have we opposed your advice up to now. + +PISTHETAERUS. They are in a more peaceful mood; put down your stew-pot +and your two dishes; spit in hand, doing duty for a spear, let us mount +guard inside the camp close to the pot and watch in our arsenal closely; +for we must not fly. + +EUELPIDES. You are right. But where shall we be buried, if we die? + +PISTHETAERUS. In the Ceramicus;[216] for, to get a public funeral, we +shall tell the Strategi that we fell at Orneae,[217] fighting the +country's foes. + +CHORUS. Return to your ranks and lay down your courage beside your wrath +as the Hoplites do. Then let us ask these men who they are, whence they +come, and with what intent. Here, Epops, answer me. + +EPOPS. Are you calling me? What do you want of me? + +CHORUS. Who are they? From what country? + +EPOPS. Strangers, who have come from Greece, the land of the wise. + +CHORUS. And what fate has led them hither to the land of the birds? + +EPOPS. Their love for you and their wish to share your kind of life; to +dwell and remain with you always. + +CHORUS. Indeed, and what are their plans? + +EPOPS. They are wonderful, incredible, unheard of. + +CHORUS. Why, do they think to see some advantage that determines them to +settle here? Are they hoping with our help to triumph over their foes or +to be useful to their friends? + +EPOPS. They speak of benefits so great it is impossible either to +describe or conceive them; all shall be yours, all that we see here, +there, above and below us; this they vouch for. + +CHORUS. Are they mad? + +EPOPS. They are the sanest people in the world. + +CHORUS. Clever men? + +EPOPS. The slyest of foxes, cleverness its very self, men of the world, +cunning, the cream of knowing folk. + +CHORUS. Tell them to speak and speak quickly; why, as I listen to you, I +am beside myself with delight. + +EPOPS. Here, you there, take all these weapons and hang them up inside +close to the fire, near the figure of the god who presides there and +under his protection;[218] as for you, address the birds, tell them why I +have gathered them together. + +PISTHETAERUS. Not I, by Apollo, unless they agree with me as the little +ape of an armourer agreed with his wife, not to bite me, nor pull me by +the testicles, nor shove things up my.... + +CHORUS. You mean the.... (_Puts finger to bottom._) Oh! be quite at ease. + +PISTHETAERUS. No, I mean my eyes. + +CHORUS. Agreed. + +PISTHETAERUS. Swear it. + +CHORUS. I swear it and, if I keep my promise, let judges and spectators +give me the victory unanimously. + +PISTHETAERUS. It is a bargain. + +CHORUS. And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote only. + +HERALD. Hearken, ye people! Hoplites, pick up your weapons and return to +your firesides; do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have +posted. + +CHORUS. Man is a truly cunning creature, but nevertheless explain. +Perhaps you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some +way that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have +discovered. Speak! 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if +you secure me some advantage, I will surely share it with you. But what +object can have induced you to come among us? Speak boldly, for I shall +not break the truce,--until you have told us all. + +PISTHETAERUS. I am bursting with desire to speak; I have already mixed +the dough of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it.... +Slave! bring the chaplet and water, which you must pour over my hands. Be +quick![219] + +EUELPIDES. Is it a question of feasting? What does it all mean? + +PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus, no! but I am hunting for fine, tasty words to +break down the hardness of their hearts.--I grieve so much for you, who +at one time were kings.... + +CHORUS. We kings! Over whom? + +PISTHETAERUS. ... of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even +of Zeus himself. Your race is older than Saturn, the Titans and the +Earth. + +CHORUS. What, older than the Earth! + +PISTHETAERUS. By Phoebus, yes. + +CHORUS. By Zeus, but I never knew that before! + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis because you are ignorant and heedless, and have never +read your Aesop. 'Tis he who tells us that the lark was born before all +other creatures, indeed before the Earth; his father died of sickness, +but the Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied for five days, +when the bird in its dilemma decided, for want of a better place, to +entomb its father in its own head. + +EUELPIDES. So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae.[220] + +EPOPS. Hence, if we existed before the Earth, before the gods, the +kingship belongs to us by right of priority. + +EUELPIDES. Undoubtedly, but sharpen your beak well; Zeus won't be in a +hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker. + +PISTHETAERUS. It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the +masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs. First of +all, I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before all +other monarchs, before Darius and Megabyzus.[221] 'Tis in memory of his +reign that he is called the Persian bird. + +EUELPIDES. For this reason also, even to-day, he alone of all the birds +wears his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.[222] + +PISTHETAERUS. He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on +account of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever +he crows at daybreak. Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen, +corn-dealers, lyre-makers and armourers, all put on their shoes and go to +work before it is daylight. + +EUELPIDES. I can tell you something anent that. 'Twas the cock's fault +that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool. I was at a feast in town, +given to celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty freely and +had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater hurry than +the rest, began to crow. I thought it was dawn and set out for +Alimos.[223] I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad struck me +in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted to shout, but he +had already made off with my mantle. + +PISTHETAERUS. Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks. + +EPOPS. The Greeks? + +PISTHETAERUS. And when he was king, 'twas he who first taught them to +fall on their knees before the kites.[224] + +EUELPIDES. By Zeus! 'tis what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but +at the moment I was on my knees, and leaning backwards[225] with mouth +agape, I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my bag home empty.[226] + +PISTHETAERUS. The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia. +When he called out "cuckoo," all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to +reap their wheat and their barley.[227] + +EUELPIDES. Hence no doubt the proverb, "Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields, +ye circumcised."[228] + +PISTHETAERUS. So powerful were the birds, that the kings of Grecian +cities, Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance, carried a bird on the tip of +their sceptres, who had his share of all presents.[229] + +EUELPIDES. That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam +come upon the stage in the tragedies with a bird, which kept watching +Lysicrates[230] to see if he got any present. + +PISTHETAERUS. But the strongest proof of all is, that Zeus, who now +reigns, is represented as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol +of his royalty;[231] his daughter has an owl, and Phoebus, as his +servant, has a hawk. + +EUELPIDES. By Demeter, 'tis well spoken. But what are all these birds +doing in heaven? + +PISTHETAERUS. When anyone sacrifices and, according to the rite, offers +the entrails to the gods, these birds take their share before Zeus. +Formerly the men always swore by birds and never by the gods; even now +Lampon[232] swears by the goose, when he wants to lie.... Thus 'tis clear +that you were great and sacred, but now you are looked upon as slaves, as +fools, as Helots; stones are thrown at you as at raving madmen, even in +holy places. A crowd of bird-catchers sets snares, traps, limed-twigs and +nets of all sorts for you; you are caught, you are sold in heaps and the +buyers finger you over to be certain you are fat. Again, if they would +but serve you up simply roasted; but they rasp cheese into a mixture of +oil, vinegar and laserwort, to which another sweet and greasy sauce is +added, and the whole is poured scalding hot over your back, for all the +world as if you were diseased meat. + +CHORUS. Man, your words have made my heart bleed; I have groaned over the +treachery of our fathers, who knew not how to transmit to us the high +rank they held from their forefathers. But 'tis a benevolent Genius, a +happy Fate, that sends you to us; you shall be our deliverer and I place +the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands with every +confidence. But hasten to tell me what must be done; we should not be +worthy to live, if we did not seek to regain our royalty by every +possible means, + +PISTHETAERUS. First I advise that the birds gather together in one city +and that they build a wall of great bricks, like that at Babylon, round +the plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth +from heaven. + +EPOPS. Oh, Cebriones! oh, Porphyrion![233] what a terribly strong place! + +PISTHETAERUS. This, this being well done and completed, you demand back +the empire from Zeus; if he will not agree, if he refuses and does not at +once confess himself beaten, you declare a sacred war against him and +forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your country with standing +organ, as hitherto, for the purpose of fondling their Alcmenas, their +Alopés, or their Semelés;[234] if they try to pass through, you +infibulate them with rings so that they can fuck no longer. You send +another messenger to mankind, who will proclaim to them that the birds +are kings, that for the future they must first of all sacrifice to them, +and only afterwards to the gods; that it is fitting to appoint to each +deity the bird that has most in common with it. For instance, are they +sacrificing to Aphrodité, let them at the same time offer barley to the +coot;[235] are they immolating a sheep to Posidon, let them consecrate +wheat in honour of the duck;[236] is a steer being offered to Heracles, +let honey-cakes be dedicated to the gull;[237] is a goat being slain for +King Zeus, there is a King-Bird, the wren,[238] to whom the sacrifice of +a male gnat is due before Zeus himself even. + +EUELPIDES. This notion of an immolated gnat delights me! And now let the +great Zeus thunder! + +EPOPS. But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not as jays? Us, who +have wings and fly? + +PISTHETAERUS. You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings and flies, +and so do many other gods. First of all, Victory flies with golden wings, +Eros is undoubtedly winged too, and Iris is compared by Homer to a +timorous dove.[239] If men in their blindness do not recognize you as +gods and continue to worship the dwellers in Olympus, then a cloud of +sparrows greedy for corn must descend upon their fields and eat up all +their seeds; we shall see then if Demeter will mete them out any wheat. + +EUELPIDES. By Zeus, she'll take good care she does not, and you will see +her inventing a thousand excuses. + +PISTHETAERUS. The crows too will prove your divinity to them by pecking +out the eyes of their flocks and of their draught-oxen; and then let +Apollo cure them, since he is a physician and is paid for the +purpose.[240] + +EUELPIDES. Oh! don't do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young +bullocks. + +PISTHETAERUS. If on the other hand they recognize that you are God, the +principle of life, that you are Earth, Saturn, Posidon, they shall be +loaded with benefits. + +EPOPS Name me one of these then. + +PISTHETAERUS. Firstly, the locusts shall not eat up their vine-blossoms; +a legion of owls and kestrels will devour them. Moreover, the gnats and +the gall-bugs shall no longer ravage the figs; a flock of thrushes shall +swallow the whole host down to the very last. + +EPOPS. And how shall we give wealth to mankind? This is their strongest +passion. + +PISTHETAERUS. When they consult the omens, you will point them to the +richest mines, you will reveal the paying ventures to the diviner, and +not another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish. + +EPOPS. No more shall perish? How is that? + +PISTHETAERUS. When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage, +some bird will not fail to say, "Don't start! there will be a storm," or +else, "Go! you will make a most profitable venture." + +EUELPIDES. I shall buy a trading-vessel and go to sea. I will not stay +with you. + +PISTHETAERUS. You will discover treasures to them, which were buried in +former times, for you know them. Do not all men say, "None know where my +treasure lies, unless perchance it be some bird."[241] + +EUELPIDES. I shall sell my boat and buy a spade to unearth the vessels. + +EPOPS. And how are we to give them health, which belongs to the gods? + +PISTHETAERUS. If they are happy, is not that the chief thing towards +health? The miserable man is never well. + +EPOPS. Old Age also dwells in Olympus. How will they get at it? Must they +die in early youth? + +PISTHETAERUS. Why, the birds, by Zeus, will add three hundred years to +their life. + +EPOPS. From whom will they take them? + +PISTHETAERUS. From whom? Why, from themselves. Don't you know the cawing +crow lives five times as long as a man? + +EUELPIDES. Ah! ah! these are far better kings for us than Zeus! + +PISTHETAERUS. Far better, are they not? And firstly, we shall not have to +build them temples of hewn stone, closed with gates of gold; they will +dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak; the most +venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the +olive tree; we shall not go to Delphi or to Ammon to sacrifice;[242] but +standing erect in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding forth +our hands filled with wheat and barley, we shall pray them to admit us to +a share of the blessings they enjoy and shall at once obtain them for a +few grains of wheat. + +CHORUS. Old man, whom I detested, you are now to me the dearest of all; +never shall I, if I can help it, fail to follow your advice. Inspirited +by your words, I threaten my rivals the gods, and I swear that if you +march in alliance with me against the gods and are faithful to our just, +loyal and sacred bond, we shall soon have shattered their sceptre. 'Tis +our part to undertake the toil, 'tis yours to advise. + +EPOPS. By Zeus! 'tis no longer the time to delay and loiter like +Nicias;[243] let us act as promptly as possible.... In the first place, +come, enter my nest built of brushwood and blades of straw, and tell me +your names. + +PISTHETAERUS. That is soon done; my name is Pisthetaerus. + +EPOPS. And his? + +PISTHETAERUS. Euelpides, of the deme of Thria. + +EPOPS. Good! and good luck to you. + +PISTHETAERUS. We accept the omen. + +EPOPS. Come in here. + +PISTHETAERUS. Very well, 'tis you who lead us and must introduce us. + +EPOPS. Come then. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! my god! do come back here. Hi! tell us how we are to +follow you. You can fly, but we cannot. + +EPOPS. Well, well. + +PISTHETAERUS. Remember Aesop's fables. It is told there, that the fox +fared very ill, because he had made an alliance with the eagle. + +EPOPS. Be at ease. You shall eat a certain root and wings will grow on +your shoulders. + +PISTHETAERUS. Then let us enter. Xanthias and Manes,[244] pick up our +baggage. + +CHORUS. Hi! Epops! do you hear me? + +EPOPS. What's the matter? + +CHORUS. Take them off to dine well and call your mate, the melodious +Procné, whose songs are worthy of the Muses; she will delight our leisure +moments. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! I conjure you, accede to their wish; for this +delightful bird will leave her rushes at the sound of your voice; for the +sake of the gods, let her come here, so that we may contemplate the +nightingale.[245] + +EPOPS. Let it be as you desire. Come forth, Procné, show yourself to +these strangers. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! great Zeus! what a beautiful little bird! what a dainty +form! what brilliant plumage![246] + +EUELPIDES. Do you know how dearly I should like to split her legs for +her? + +PISTHETAERUS. She is dazzling all over with gold, like a young girl.[247] + +EUELPIDES. Oh! how I should like to kiss her! + +PISTHETAERUS. Why, wretched man, she has two little sharp points on her +beak. + +EUELPIDES. I would treat her like an egg, the shell of which we remove +before eating it; I would take off her mask and then kiss her pretty +face. + +EPOPS. Let us go in. + +PISTHETAERUS. Lead the way, and may success attend us. + +CHORUS. Lovable golden bird, whom I cherish above all others, you, whom I +associate with all my songs, nightingale, you have come, you have come, +to show yourself to me and to charm me with your notes. Come, you, who +play spring melodies upon the harmonious flute,[248] lead off our +anapaests.[249] + +Weak mortals, chained to the earth, creatures of clay as frail as the +foliage of the woods, you unfortunate race, whose life is but darkness, +as unreal as a shadow, the illusion of a dream, hearken to us, who are +immortal beings, ethereal, ever young and occupied with eternal thoughts, +for we shall teach you about all celestial matters; you shall know +thoroughly what is the nature of the birds, what the origin of the gods, +of the rivers, of Erebus, and Chaos; thanks to us, Prodicus[250] will +envy you your knowledge. + +At the beginning there was only Chaos, Night, dark Erebus, and deep +Tartarus. Earth, the air and heaven had no existence. Firstly, +black-winged Night laid a germless egg in the bosom of the infinite deeps +of Erebus, and from this, after the revolution of long ages, sprang the +graceful Eros with his glittering golden wings, swift as the whirlwinds +of the tempest. He mated in deep Tartarus with dark Chaos, winged like +himself, and thus hatched forth our race, which was the first to see the +light. That of the Immortals did not exist until Eros had brought +together all the ingredients of the world, and from their marriage +Heaven, Ocean, Earth and the imperishable race of blessed gods sprang +into being. Thus our origin is very much older than that of the dwellers +in Olympus. We are the offspring of Eros; there are a thousand proofs to +show it. We have wings and we lend assistance to lovers. How many +handsome youths, who had sworn to remain insensible, have not been +vanquished by our power and have yielded themselves to their lovers when +almost at the end of their youth, being led away by the gift of a quail, +a waterfowl, a goose, or a cock.[251] + +And what important services do not the birds render to mortals! First of +all, they mark the seasons for them, springtime, winter, and autumn. Does +the screaming crane migrate to Libya,--it warns the husbandman to sow, +the pilot to take his ease beside his tiller hung up in his +dwelling,[252] and Orestes[253] to weave a tunic, so that the rigorous +cold may not drive him any more to strip other folk. When the kite +reappears, he tells of the return of spring and of the period when the +fleece of the sheep must be clipped. Is the swallow in sight? All hasten +to sell their warm tunic and to buy some light clothing. We are your +Ammon, Delphi, Dodona, your Phoebus Apollo.[254] Before undertaking +anything, whether a business transaction, a marriage, or the purchase of +food, you consult the birds by reading the omens, and you give this name +of omen[255] to all signs that tell of the future. With you a word is an +omen, you call a sneeze an omen, a meeting an omen, an unknown sound an +omen, a slave or an ass an omen.[256] Is it not clear that we are a +prophetic Apollo to you? If you recognize us as gods, we shall be your +divining Muses, through us you will know the winds and the seasons, +summer, winter, and the temperate months. We shall not withdraw ourselves +to the highest clouds like Zeus, but shall be among you and shall give to +you and to your children and the children of your children, health and +wealth, long life, peace, youth, laughter, songs and feasts; in short, +you will all be so well off, that you will be weary and satiated with +enjoyment. + +Oh, rustic Muse of such varied note, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, I sing with +you in the groves and on the mountain tops, tio, tio, tio, tio, +tiotinx.[257] I pour forth sacred strains from my golden throat in honour +of the god Pan,[258] tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, from the top of the thickly +leaved ash, and my voice mingles with the mighty choirs who extol Cybelé +on the mountain tops,[259] tototototototototinx. 'Tis to our concerts +that Phrynicus comes to pillage like a bee the ambrosia of his songs, the +sweetness of which so charms the ear, tio, tio, tio, tio, tinx. + +If there be one of you spectators who wishes to spend the rest of his +life quietly among the birds, let him come to us. All that is disgraceful +and forbidden by law on earth is on the contrary honourable among us, the +birds. For instance, among you 'tis a crime to beat your father, but with +us 'tis an estimable deed; it's considered fine to run straight at your +father and hit him, saying, "Come, lift your spur if you want to +fight."[260] The runaway slave, whom you brand, is only a spotted +francolin with us.[261] Are you Phrygian like Spintharus?[262] Among us +you would be the Phrygian bird, the goldfinch, of the race of +Philemon.[263] Are you a slave and a Carian like Execestides? Among us +you can create yourself forefathers;[264] you can always find relations. +Does the son of Pisias want to betray the gates of the city to the foe? +Let him become a partridge, the fitting offspring of his father; among us +there is no shame in escaping as cleverly as a partridge. + +So the swans on the banks of the Hebrus, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, +mingle their voices to serenade Apollo, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, +flapping their wings the while, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx; their notes +reach beyond the clouds of heaven; all the dwellers in the forests stand +still with astonishment and delight; a calm rests upon the waters, and +the Graces and the choirs in Olympus catch up the strain, tio, tio, tio, +tio, tiotinx. + +There is nothing more useful nor more pleasant than to have wings. To +begin with, just let us suppose a spectator to be dying with hunger and +to be weary of the choruses of the tragic poets; if he were winged, he +would fly off, go home to dine and come back with his stomach filled. +Some Patroclides in urgent need would not have to soil his cloak, but +could fly off, satisfy his requirements, and, having recovered his +breath, return. If one of you, it matters not who, had adulterous +relations and saw the husband of his mistress in the seats of the +senators, he might stretch his wings, fly thither, and, having appeased +his craving, resume his place. Is it not the most priceless gift of all, +to be winged? Look at Diitrephes![265] His wings were only wicker-work +ones, and yet he got himself chosen Phylarch and then Hipparch; from +being nobody, he has risen to be famous; 'tis now the finest gilded cock +of his tribe.[266] + +PISTHETAERUS. Halloa! What's this? By Zeus! I never saw anything so funny +in all my life.[267] + +EUELPIDES. What makes you laugh? + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis your bits of wings. D'you know what you look like? +Like a goose painted by some dauber-fellow. + +EUELPIDES. And you look like a close-shaven blackbird. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis ourselves asked for this transformation, and, as +Aeschylus has it, "These are no borrowed feathers, but truly our +own."[268] + +EPOPS. Come now, what must be done? + +PISTHETAERUS. First give our city a great and famous name, then sacrifice +to the gods. + +EUELPIDES. I think so too. + +EPOPS. Let's see. What shall our city be called? + +PISTHETAERUS. Will you have a high-sounding Laconian name? Shall we call +it Sparta? + +EUELPIDES. What! call my town Sparta? Why, I would not use esparto for my +bed,[269] even though I had nothing but bands of rushes. + +PISTHETAERUS. Well then, what name can you suggest? + +EUELPIDES. Some name borrowed from the clouds, from these lofty regions +in which we dwell--in short, some well-known name. + +PISTHETAERUS. Do you like Nephelococcygia?[270] + +EPOPS. Oh! capital! truly 'tis a brilliant thought! + +EUELPIDES. Is it in Nephelococcygia that all the wealth of Theogenes[271] +and most of Aeschines'[272] is? + +PISTHETAERUS. No, 'tis rather the plain of Phlegra,[273] where the gods +withered the pride of the sons of the Earth with their shafts. + +EUELPIDES. Oh! what a splendid city! But what god shall be its patron? +for whom shall we weave the peplus?[274] + +PISTHETAERUS. Why not choose Athené Polias?[275] + +EUELPIDES. Oh! what a well-ordered town 'twould be to have a female deity +armed from head to foot, while Clisthenes[276] was spinning! + +PISTHETAERUS. Who then shall guard the Pelargicon?[277] + +EPOPS. One of ourselves, a bird of Persian strain, who is everywhere +proclaimed to be the bravest of all, a true chick of Ares.[278] + +EUELPIDES. Oh! noble chick! what a well-chosen god for a rocky home! + +PISTHETAERUS. Come! into the air with you to help the workers, who are +building the wall; carry up rubble, strip yourself to mix the mortar, +take up the hod, tumble down the ladder, an you like, post sentinels, +keep the fire smouldering beneath the ashes, go round the walls, bell in +hand,[279] and go to sleep up there yourself; then despatch two heralds, +one to the gods above, the other to mankind on earth and come back here. + +EUELPIDES. As for yourself, remain here, and may the plague take you for +a troublesome fellow! + +PISTHETAERUS. Go, friend, go where I send you, for without you my orders +cannot be obeyed. For myself, I want to sacrifice to the new god, and I +am going to summon the priest who must preside at the ceremony. Slaves! +slaves! bring forward the basket and the lustral water. + +CHORUS. I do as you do, and I wish as you wish, and I implore you to +address powerful and solemn prayers to the gods, and in addition to +immolate a sheep as a token of our gratitude. Let us sing the Pythian +chant in honour of the god, and let Chaeris accompany our voices. + +PISTHETAERUS (_to the flute-player_). Enough! but, by Heracles! what is +this? Great gods! I have seen many prodigious things, but I never saw a +muzzled raven.[280] + +EPOPS. Priest! 'tis high time! Sacrifice to the new gods. + +PRIEST. I begin, but where is he with the basket? Pray to the Vesta of +the birds, to the kite, who presides over the hearth, and to all the god +and goddess-birds who dwell in Olympus. + +CHORUS. Oh! Hawk, the sacred guardian of Sunium, oh, god of the storks! + +PRIEST. Pray to the swan of Delos, to Latona the mother of the quails, +and to Artemis, the goldfinch. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis no longer Artemis Colaenis, but Artemis the +goldfinch.[281] + +PRIEST. And to Bacchus, the finch and Cybelé, the ostrich and mother of +the gods and mankind. + +CHORUS. Oh! sovereign ostrich, Cybelé, the mother of Cleocritus,[282] +grant health and safety to the Nephelococcygians as well as to the +dwellers in Chios.... + +PISTHETAERUS. The dwellers in Chios! Ah! I am delighted they should be +thus mentioned on all occasions.[283] + +CHORUS. ... to the heroes, the birds, to the sons of heroes, to the +porphyrion, the pelican, the spoon-bill, the redbreast, the grouse, the +peacock, the horned-owl, the teal, the bittern, the heron, the stormy +petrel, the fig-pecker, the titmouse.... + +PISTHETAERUS. Stop! stop! you drive me crazy with your endless list. Why, +wretch, to what sacred feast are you inviting the vultures and the +sea-eagles? Don't you see that a single kite could easily carry off the +lot at once? Begone, you and your fillets and all; I shall know how to +complete the sacrifice by myself. + +PRIEST. It is imperative that I sing another sacred chant for the rite of +the lustral water, and that I invoke the immortals, or at least one of +them, provided always that you have some suitable food to offer him; from +what I see here, in the shape of gifts, there is naught whatever but horn +and hair. + +PISTHETAERUS. Let us address our sacrifices and our prayers to the winged +gods. + +A POET. Oh, Muse! celebrate happy Nephelococcygia in your hymns. + +PISTHETAERUS. What have we here? Where do you come from, tell me? Who are +you? + +POET. I am he whose language is sweeter than honey, the zealous slave of +the Muses, as Homer has it. + +PISTHETAERUS. You a slave! and yet you wear your hair long? + +POET. No, but the fact is all we poets are the assiduous slaves of the +Muses according to Homer. + +PISTHETAERUS. In truth your little cloak is quite holy too through zeal! +But, poet, what ill wind drove you here? + +POET. I have composed verses in honour of your Nephelococcygia, a host of +splendid dithyrambs and parthenians,[284] worthy of Simonides himself. + +PISTHETAERUS. And when did you compose them? How long since? + +POET. Oh! 'tis long, aye, very long, that I have sung in honour of this +city. + +PISTHETAERUS. But I am only celebrating its foundation with this +sacrifice;[285] I have only just named it, as is done with little babies. + +POET. "Just as the chargers fly with the speed of the wind, so does the +voice of the Muses take its flight. Oh! thou noble founder of the town of +Aetna,[286] thou, whose name recalls the holy sacrifices,[287] make us +such gift as thy generous heart shall suggest." + +PISTHETAERUS. He will drive us silly if we do not get rid of him by some +present. Here! you, who have a fur as well as your tunic, take it off and +give it to this clever poet. Come, take this fur; you look to me to be +shivering with cold. + +POET. My Muse will gladly accept this gift; but engrave these verses of +Pindar's on your mind. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! what a pest! 'Tis impossible then to be rid of him. + +POET. "Straton wanders among the Scythian nomads, but has no linen +garment. He is sad at only wearing an animal's pelt and no tunic." Do you +conceive my bent? + +PISTHETAERUS. I understand that you want me to offer you a tunic. Hi! you +(_to Euelpides_), take off yours; we must help the poet.... Come, you, +take it and begone. + +POET. I am going, and these are the verses that I address to this city: +"Phoebus of the golden throne, celebrate this shivery, freezing city; I +have travelled through fruitful and snow-covered plains. Tralala! +Tralala!"[288] + +PISTHETAERUS. What are you chanting us about frosts? Thanks to the tunic, +you no longer fear them. Ah! by Zeus! I could not have believed this +cursed fellow could so soon have learnt the way to our city. Come, +priest, take the lustral water and circle the altar. + +PRIEST. Let all keep silence! + +A PROPHET. Let not the goat be sacrificed.[289] + +PISTHETAERUS. Who are you? + +PROPHET. Who am I? A prophet. + +PISTHETAERUS. Get you gone. + +PROPHET. Wretched man, insult not sacred things. For there is an oracle +of Bacis, which exactly applies to Nephelococcygia. + +PISTHETAERUS. Why did you not reveal it to me before I founded my city? + +PROPHET. The divine spirit was against it. + +PISTHETAERUS. Well, 'tis best to know the terms of the oracle. + +PROPHET. "But when the wolves and the white crows shall dwell together +between Corinth and Sicyon...."[290] + +PISTHETAERUS. But how do the Corinthians concern me? + +PROPHET. 'Tis the regions of the air that Bacis indicated in this manner. +"They must first sacrifice a white-fleeced goat to Pandora, and give the +prophet, who first reveals my words, a good cloak and new sandals." + +PISTHETAERUS. Are the sandals there? + +PROPHET. + +Read. "And besides this a goblet of wine and a good share of the entrails +of the victim." + +PISTHETAERUS. Of the entrails--is it so written? + +PROPHET. Read. "If you do as I command, divine youth, you shall be an +eagle among the clouds; if not, you shall be neither turtle-dove, nor +eagle, nor woodpecker." + +PISTHETAERUS. Is all that there? + +PROPHET. Read. + +PISTHETAERUS. This oracle in no sort of way resembles the one Apollo +dictated to me: "If an impostor comes without invitation to annoy you +during the sacrifice and to demand a share of the victim, apply a stout +stick to his ribs." + +PROPHET. You are drivelling. + +PISTHETAERUS. "And don't spare him, were he an eagle from out of the +clouds, were it Lampon himself[291] or the great Diopithes."[292] + +PROPHET. Is all that there? + +PISTHETAERUS. Here, read it yourself, and go and hang yourself. + +PROPHET. Oh! unfortunate wretch that I am. + +PISTHETAERUS. Away with you, and take your prophecies elsewhere. + +METON.[293] I have come to you. + +PISTHETAERUS. Yet another pest. What have you come to do? What's your +plan? What's the purpose of your journey? Why these splendid buskins? + +METON. I want to survey the plains of the air for you and to parcel them +into lots. + +PISTHETAERUS. In the name of the gods, who are you? + +METON. Who am I? Meton, known throughout Greece and at Colonus.[294] + +PISTHETAERUS. What are these things? + +METON. Tools for measuring the air. In truth, the spaces in the air have +precisely the form of a furnace. With this bent ruler I draw a line from +top to bottom; from one of its points I describe a circle with the +compass. Do you understand? + +PISTHETAERUS. Not the very least. + +METON. With the straight ruler I set to work to inscribe a square within +this circle; in its centre will be the marketplace, into which all the +straight streets will lead, converging to this centre like a star, which, +although only orbicular, sends forth its rays in a straight line from all +sides. + +PISTHETAERUS. Meton, you new Thales....[295] + +METON. What d'you want with me? + +PISTHETAERUS. I want to give you a proof of my friendship. Use your legs. + +METON. Why, what have I to fear? + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis the same here as in Sparta. Strangers are driven away, +and blows rain down as thick as hail. + +METON. Is there sedition in your city? + +PISTHETAERUS. No, certainly not. + +METON. What's wrong then? + +PISTHETAERUS. We are agreed to sweep all quacks and impostors far from +our borders. + +METON. Then I'm off. + +PISTHETAERUS. I fear me 'tis too late. The thunder growls already. +(_Beats him._) + +METON. Oh, woe! oh, woe! + +PISTHETAERUS. I warned you. Now, be off, and do your surveying somewhere +else. (_Meton takes to his heels._) + +AN INSPECTOR. Where are the Proxeni?[296] + +PISTHETAERUS. Who is this Sardanapalus?[297] + +INSPECTOR. I have been appointed by lot to come to Nephelococcygia as +inspector.[298] + +PISTHETAERUS. An inspector! and who sends you here, you rascal? + +INSPECTOR. A decree of Taleas.[299] + +PISTHETAERUS. Will you just pocket your salary, do nothing, and be off? + +INSPECTOR. I' faith! that I will; I am urgently needed to be at Athens to +attend the assembly; for I am charged with the interests of +Pharnaces.[300] + +PISTHETAERUS. Take it then, and be off. See, here is your salary. (_Beats +him._) + +INSPECTOR. What does this mean? + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis the assembly where you have to defend Pharnaces. + +INSPECTOR. You shall testify that they dare to strike me, the inspector. + +PISTHETAERUS. Are you not going to clear out with your urns. 'Tis not to +be believed; they send us inspectors before we have so much as paid +sacrifice to the gods. + +A DEALER IN DECREES. "If the Nephelococcygian does wrong to the +Athenian...." + +PISTHETAERUS. Now whatever are these cursed parchments? + +DEALER IN DECREES. I am a dealer in decrees, and I have come here to sell +you the new laws. + +PISTHETAERUS. Which? + +DEALER IN DECREES. "The Nephelococcygians shall adopt the same weights, +measures and decrees as the Olophyxians."[301] + +PISTHETAERUS. And you shall soon be imitating the Ototyxians. (_Beats +him._) + +DEALER IN DECREES. Hullo! what are you doing? + +PISTHETAERUS. Now will you be off with your decrees? For I am going to +let _you_ see some severe ones. + +INSPECTOR (_returning_). I summon Pisthetaerus for outrage for the month +of Munychion.[302] + +PISTHETAERUS. Ha! my friend! are you still there? + +DEALER IN DECREES. "Should anyone drive away the magistrates and not +receive them, according to the decree duly posted..." + +PISTHETAERUS. What! rascal! you are there too? + +INSPECTOR. Woe to you! I'll have you condemned to a fine of ten thousand +drachmae. + +PISTHETAERUS. And I'll smash your urns.[303] + +INSPECTOR. Do you recall that evening when you stooled against the column +where the decrees are posted? + +PISTHETAERUS. Here! here! let him be seized. (_The inspectors run off._) +Well! don't you want to stop any longer? + +PRIEST. Let us get indoors as quick as possible; we will sacrifice the +goat inside.[304] + +CHORUS. Henceforth it is to me that mortals must address their sacrifices +and their prayers. Nothing escapes my sight nor my might. My glance +embraces the universe, I preserve the fruit in the flower by destroying +the thousand kinds of voracious insects the soil produces, which attack +the trees and feed on the germ when it has scarcely formed in the calyx; +I destroy those who ravage the balmy terrace gardens like a deadly +plague; all these gnawing crawling creatures perish beneath the lash of +my wing. I hear it proclaimed everywhere: "A talent for him who shall +kill Diagoras of Melos,[305] and a talent for him who destroys one of the +dead tyrants."[306] We likewise wish to make our proclamation: "A talent +to him among you who shall kill Philocrates, the Strouthian;[307] four, +if he brings him to us alive. For this Philocrates skewers the finches +together and sells them at the rate of an obolus for seven. He tortures +the thrushes by blowing them out, so that they may look bigger, sticks +their own feathers into the nostrils of blackbirds, and collects pigeons, +which he shuts up and forces them, fastened in a net, to decoy others." +That is what we wish to proclaim. And if anyone is keeping birds shut up +in his yard, let him hasten to let them loose; those who disobey shall be +seized by the birds and we shall put them in chains, so that in their +turn they may decoy other men. + +Happy indeed is the race of winged birds who need no cloak in winter! +Neither do I fear the relentless rays of the fiery dog-days; when the +divine grasshopper, intoxicated with the sunlight, when noon is burning +the ground, is breaking out into shrill melody, my home is beneath the +foliage in the flowery meadows. I winter in deep caverns, where I frolic +with the mountain nymphs, while in spring I despoil the gardens of the +Graces and gather the white, virgin berry on the myrtle bushes. + +I want now to speak to the judges about the prize they are going to +award; if they are favourable to us, we will load them with benefits far +greater than those Paris[308] received. Firstly, the owls of +Laurium,[309] which every judge desires above all things, shall never be +wanting to you; you shall see them homing with you, building their nests +in your money-bags and laying coins. Besides, you shall be housed like +the gods, for we shall erect gables[310] over your dwellings; if you hold +some public post and want to do a little pilfering, we will give you the +sharp claws of a hawk. Are you dining in town, we will provide you with +crops.[311] But, if your award is against us, don't fail to have metal +covers fashioned for yourselves, like those they place over statues;[312] +else, look out! for the day you wear a white tunic all the birds will +soil it with their droppings. + +PISTHETAERUS. Birds! the sacrifice is propitious. But I see no messenger +coming from the wall to tell us what is happening. Ah! here comes one +running himself out of breath as though he were running the Olympic +stadium. + +MESSENGER. Where, where is he? Where, where, where is he? Where, where, +where is he? Where is Pisthetaerus, our leader? + +PISTHETAERUS. Here am I. + +MESSENGER. The wall is finished. + +PISTHETAERUS. That's good news. + +MESSENGER. 'Tis a most beautiful, a most magnificent work of art. The +wall is so broad, that Proxenides, the Braggartian, and Theogenes could +pass each other in their chariots, even if they were drawn by steeds as +big as the Trojan horse. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis wonderful! + +MESSENGER. Its length is one hundred stadia; I measured it myself. + +PISTHETAERUS. A decent length, by Posidon! And who built such a wall? + +MESSENGER. Birds--birds only; they had neither Egyptian brickmaker, nor +stonemason, nor carpenter; the birds did it all themselves, I could +hardly believe my eyes. Thirty thousand cranes came from Libya with a +supply of stones,[313] intended for the foundations. The water-rails +chiselled them with their beaks. Ten thousand storks were busy making +bricks; plovers and other water fowl carried water into the air. + +PISTHETAERUS. And who carried the mortar? + +MESSENGER. Herons, in hods. + +PISTHETAERUS. But how could they put the mortar into hods? + +MESSENGER. Oh! 'twas a truly clever invention; the geese used their feet +like spades; they buried them in the pile of mortar and then emptied them +into the hods. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! to what use cannot feet be put?[314] + +MESSENGER. You should have seen how eagerly the ducks carried bricks. To +complete the tale, the swallows came flying to the work, their beaks full +of mortar and their trowel on their back, just the way little children +are carried. + +PISTHETAERUS. Who would want paid servants after this? But, tell me, who +did the woodwork? + +MESSENGER. Birds again, and clever carpenters too, the pelicans, for they +squared up the gates with their beaks in such a fashion that one would +have thought they were using axes; the noise was just like a dockyard. +Now the whole wall is tight everywhere, securely bolted and well guarded; +it is patrolled, bell in hand; the sentinels stand everywhere and beacons +burn on the towers. But I must run off to clean myself; the rest is your +business. + +CHORUS. Well! what do you say to it? Are you not astonished at the wall +being completed so quickly? + +PISTHETAERUS. By the gods, yes, and with good reason. 'Tis really not to +be believed. But here comes another messenger from the wall to bring us +some further news! What a fighting look he has! + +SECOND MESSENGER. Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! + +PISTHETAERUS. What's the matter? + +SECOND MESSENGER. A horrible outrage has occurred; a god sent by Zeus has +passed through our gates and has penetrated the realms of the air without +the knowledge of the jays, who are on guard in the daytime. + +PISTHETAERUS. Tis an unworthy and criminal deed. What god was it? + +SECOND MESSENGER. We don't know that. All we know is, that he has got +wings. + +PISTHETAERUS. Why were not guards sent against him at once? + +SECOND MESSENGER. We have despatched thirty thousand hawks of the legion +of mounted archers.[315] All the hook-clawed birds are moving against +him, the kestrel, the buzzard, the vulture, the great-horned owl; they +cleave the air, so that it resounds with the flapping of their wings; +they are looking everywhere for the god, who cannot be far away; indeed, +if I mistake not, he is coming from yonder side. + +PISTHETAERUS. All arm themselves with slings and bows! This way, all our +soldiers; shoot and strike! Some one give me a sling! + +CHORUS. War, a terrible war is breaking out between us and the gods! +Come, let each one guard the Air, the son of Erebus,[316] in which the +clouds float. Take care no immortal enters it without your knowledge. +Scan all sides with your glance. Hark! methinks I can hear the rustle of +the swift wings of a god from heaven. + +PISTHETAERUS. Hi! you woman! where are you flying to? Halt, don't stir! +keep motionless! not a beat of your wing!--Who are you and from what +country? You must say whence you come.[317] + +IRIS. I come from the abode of the Olympian gods. + +PISTHETAERUS. What's your name, ship or cap?[318] + +IRIS. I am swift Iris. + +PISTHETAERUS. Paralus or Salaminia?[319] + +IRIS. What do you mean? + +PISTHETAERUS. Let a buzzard rush at her and seize her.[320] + +IRIS. Seize me! But what do all these insults betoken? + +PISTHETAERUS. Woe to you! + +IRIS. 'Tis incomprehensible. + +PISTHETAERUS. By which gate did you pass through the wall, wretched +woman? + +IRIS. By which gate? Why, great gods, I don't know. + +PISTHETAERUS. You hear how she holds us in derision. Did you present +yourself to the officers in command of the jays? You don't answer. Have +you a permit, bearing the seal of the storks? + +IRIS. Am I awake? + +PISTHETAERUS. Did you get one? + +IRIS. Are you mad? + +PISTHETAERUS. No head-bird gave you a safe-conduct? + +IRIS. A safe-conduct to me, you poor fool! + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! and so you slipped into this city on the sly and into +these realms of air-land that don't belong to you. + +IRIS. And what other road can the gods travel? + +PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus! I know nothing about that, not I. But they won't +pass this way. And you still dare to complain! Iris would ever have more +justly suffered death. + +IRIS. I am immortal. + +PISTHETAERUS. You would have died nevertheless.--Oh! 'twould be truly +intolerable! What! should the universe obey us and the gods alone +continue their insolence and not understand that they must submit to the +law of the strongest in their due turn? But tell me, where are you flying +to? + +IRIS. I? The messenger of Zeus to mankind, I am going to tell them to +sacrifice sheep and oxen on the altars and to fill their streets with the +rich smoke of burning fat. + +PISTHETAERUS. Of which gods are you speaking? + +IRIS. Of which? Why, of ourselves, the gods of heaven. + +PISTHETAERUS. You, gods? + +IRIS. Are there others then? + +PISTHETAERUS. Men now adore the birds as gods, and 'tis to them, by Zeus, +that they must offer sacrifices, and not to Zeus at all! + +IRIS. Oh! fool! fool! Rouse not the wrath of the gods, for 'tis terrible +indeed. Armed with the brand of Zeus, Justice would annihilate your race; +the lightning would strike you as it did Lycimnius and consume both your +body and the porticos of your palace.[321] + +PISTHETAERUS. Here! that's enough tall talk. Just you listen and keep +quiet! Do you take me for a Lydian or a Phrygian[322] and think to +frighten me with your big words? Know, that if Zeus worries me again, I +shall go at the head of my eagles, who are armed with lightning, and +reduce his dwelling and that of Amphion to cinders.[323] I shall send +more than six hundred porphyrions clothed in leopards' skins[324] up to +heaven against him; and formerly a single Porphyrion gave him enough to +do. As for you, his messenger, if you annoy me, I shall begin by +stretching your legs asunder and so conduct myself, Iris though you be, +that despite my age, you will be astonished. I will show you a fine long +tool that will fuck you three times over. + +IRIS. May you perish, you wretch, you and your infamous words! + +PISTHETAERUS. Won't you be off quickly? Come, stretch your wings or look +out for squalls! + +IRIS. If my father does not punish you for your insults.... + +PISTHETAERUS. Ha!... but just you be off elsewhere to roast younger folk +than us with your lightning. + +CHORUS. We forbid the gods, the sons of Zeus, to pass through our city +and the mortals to send them the smoke of their sacrifices by this road. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis odd that the messenger we sent to the mortals has +never returned. + +HERALD. Oh! blessed Pisthetaerus, very wise, very illustrious, very +gracious, thrice happy, very.... Come, prompt me, somebody, do. + +PISTHETAERUS. Get to your story! + +HERALD. All peoples are filled with admiration for your wisdom, and they +award you this golden crown. + +PISTHETAERUS. I accept it. But tell me, why do the people admire me? + +HERALD. Oh you, who have founded so illustrious a city in the air, you +know not in what esteem men hold you and how many there are who burn with +desire to dwell in it. Before your city was built, all men had a mania +for Sparta; long hair and fasting were held in honour, men went dirty +like Socrates and carried staves. Now all is changed. Firstly, as soon as +'tis dawn, they all spring out of bed together to go and seek their food, +the same as you do; then they fly off towards the notices and finally +devour the decrees. The bird-madness is so clear, that many actually bear +the names of birds. There is a halting victualler, who styles himself the +partridge; Menippus calls himself the swallow; Opontius the one-eyed +crow; Philocles the lark; Theogenes the fox-goose; Lycurgus the ibis; +Chaerephon the bat; Syracosius the magpie; Midias the quail;[325] indeed +he looks like a quail that has been hit heavily over the head. Out of +love for the birds they repeat all the songs which concern the swallow, +the teal, the goose or the pigeon; in each verse you see wings, or at all +events a few feathers. This is what is happening down there. Finally, +there are more than ten thousand folk who are coming here from earth to +ask you for feathers and hooked claws; so, mind you supply yourself with +wings for the immigrants. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! by Zeus, 'tis not the time for idling. Go as quick as +possible and fill every hamper, every basket you can find with wings. +Manes[326] will bring them to me outside the walls, where I will welcome +those who present themselves. + +CHORUS. This town will soon be inhabited by a crowd of men. + +PISTHETAERUS. If fortune favours us. + +CHORUS. Folk are more and more delighted with it. + +PISTHETAERUS. Come, hurry up and bring them along. + +CHORUS. Will not man find here everything that can please him--wisdom, +love, the divine Graces, the sweet face of gentle peace? + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! you lazy servant! won't you hurry yourself? + +CHORUS. Let a basket of wings be brought speedily. Come, beat him as I +do, and put some life into him; he is as lazy as an ass. + +PISTHETAERUS. Aye, Manes is a great craven. + +CHORUS. Begin by putting this heap of wings in order; divide them in +three parts according to the birds from whom they came; the singing, the +prophetic[327] and the aquatic birds; then you must take care to +distribute them to the men according to their character. + +PISTHETAERUS (_to Manes_). Oh! by the kestrels! I can keep my hands off +you no longer; you are too slow and lazy altogether. + +A PARRICIDE.[328] Oh! might I but become an eagle, who soars in the +skies! Oh! might I fly above the azure waves of the barren sea![329] + +PISTHETAERUS. Ha! 'twould seem the news was true; I hear someone coming +who talks of wings. + +PARRICIDE. Nothing is more charming than to fly; I burn with desire to +live under the same laws as the birds; I am bird-mad and fly towards you, +for I want to live with you and to obey your laws. + +PISTHETAERUS. Which laws? The birds have many laws. + +PARRICIDE. All of them; but the one that pleases me most is, that among +the birds it is considered a fine thing to peck and strangle one's +father. + +PISTHETAERUS. Aye, by Zeus! according to us, he who dares to strike his +father, while still a chick, is a brave fellow. + +PARRICIDE. And therefore I want to dwell here, for I want to strangle my +father and inherit his wealth. + +PISTHETAERUS. But we have also an ancient law written in the code of the +storks, which runs thus, "When the stork father has reared his young and +has taught them to fly, the young must in their turn support the father." + +PARRICIDE. 'Tis hardly worth while coming all this distance to be +compelled to keep my father! + +PISTHETAERUS. No, no, young friend, since you have come to us with such +willingness, I am going to give you these black wings, as though you were +an orphan bird; furthermore, some good advice, that I received myself in +infancy. Don't strike your father, but take these wings in one hand and +these spurs in the other; imagine you have a cock's crest on your head +and go and mount guard and fight; live on your pay and respect your +father's life. You're a gallant fellow! Very well, then! Fly to Thrace +and fight.[330] + +PARRICIDE. By Bacchus! 'Tis well spoken; I will follow your counsel. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis acting wisely, by Zeus. + +CINESIAS.[331] "On my light pinions I soar off to Olympus; in its +capricious flight my Muse flutters along the thousand paths of poetry in +turn ..." + +PISTHETAERUS. This is a fellow will need a whole shipload of wings. + +CINESIAS. ... it is seeking fresh outlet." + +PISTHETAERUS. Welcome, Cinesias, you lime-wood man![332] Why have you +come here a-twisting your game leg in circles? + +CINESIAS. "I want to become a bird, a tuneful nightingale." + +PISTHETAERUS. Enough of that sort of ditty. Tell me what you want. + +CINESIAS. Give me wings and I will fly into the topmost airs to gather +fresh songs in the clouds, in the midst of the vapours and the fleecy +snow. + +PISTHETAERUS. Gather songs in the clouds? + +CINESIAS. 'Tis on them the whole of our latter-day art depends. The most +brilliant dithyrambs are those that flap their wings in void space and +are clothed in mist and dense obscurity. To appreciate this, just listen. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! no, no, no! + +CINESIAS. By Hermes! but indeed you shall. "I shall travel through thine +ethereal empire like a winged bird, who cleaveth space with his long +neck...." + +PISTHETAERUS. Stop! easy all, I say![333] + +CINESIAS. ... as I soar over the seas, carried by the breath of the winds +... + +PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus! but I'll cut your breath short. + +CINESIAS. ... now rushing along the tracks of Notus, now nearing Boreas +across the infinite wastes of the ether." (_Pisthetaerus beats him._) Ah! +old man, that's a pretty and clever idea truly! + +PISTHETAERUS. What! are you not delighted to be cleaving the air?[334] + +CINESIAS. To treat a dithyrambic poet, for whom the tribes dispute with +each other, in this style![335] + +PISTHETAERUS. Will you stay with us and form a chorus of winged birds as +slender as Leotrophides[336] for the Cecropid tribe? + +CINESIAS. You are making game of me, 'tis clear; but know that I shall +never leave you in peace if I do not have wings wherewith to traverse the +air. + +AN INFORMER. What are these birds with downy feathers, who look so +pitiable to me? Tell me, oh swallow with the long dappled wings.[337] + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! but 'tis a perfect invasion that threatens us. Here +comes another of them, humming along. + +INFORMER. Swallow with the long dappled wings, once more I summon you. + +PISTHETAERUS. It's his cloak I believe he's addressing; 'faith, it stands +in great need of the swallows' return.[338] + +INFORMER. Where is he who gives out wings to all comers? + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis I, but you must tell me for what purpose you want +them. + +INFORMER. Ask no questions. I want wings, and wings I must have. + +PISTHETAERUS. Do you want to fly straight to Pellené?[339] + +INFORMER. I? Why, I am an accuser of the islands,[340] an informer ... + +PISTHETAERUS. A fine trade, truly! + +INFORMER. ... a hatcher of lawsuits. Hence I have great need of wings to +prowl round the cities and drag them before justice. + +PISTHETAERUS. Would you do this better if you had wings? + +INFORMER. No, but I should no longer fear the pirates; I should return +with the cranes, loaded with a supply of lawsuits by way of ballast. + +PISTHETAERUS. So it seems, despite all your youthful vigour, you make it +your trade to denounce strangers? + +INFORMER. Well, and why not? I don't know how to dig. + +PISTHETAERUS. But, by Zeus! there are honest ways of gaining a living at +your age without all this infamous trickery. + +INFORMER. My friend, I am asking you for wings, not for words. + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis just my words that give you wings. + +INFORMER. And how can you give a man wings with your words? + +PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis thus that all first start. + +INFORMER. All? + +PISTHETAERUS. Have you not often heard the father say to young men in the +barbers' shops, "It's astonishing how Diitrephes' advice has made my son +fly to horse-riding."--"Mine," says another, "has flown towards tragic +poetry on the wings of his imagination." + +INFORMER. So that words give wings? + +PISTHETAERUS. Undoubtedly; words give wings to the mind and make a man +soar to heaven. Thus I hope that my wise words will give you wings to fly +to some less degrading trade. + +INFORMER. But I do not want to. + +PISTHETAERUS. What do you reckon on doing then? + +INFORMER. I won't belie my breeding; from generation to generation we +have lived by informing. Quick, therefore, give me quickly some light, +swift hawk or kestrel wings, so that I may summon the islanders, sustain +the accusation here, and haste back there again on flying pinions. + +PISTHETAERUS. I see. In this way the stranger will be condemned even +before he appears. + +INFORMER. That's just it. + +PISTHETAERUS. And while he is on his way here by sea, you will be flying +to the islands to despoil him of his property. + +INFORMER. You've hit it, precisely; I must whirl hither and thither like +a perfect humming-top. + +PISTHETAERUS. I catch the idea. Wait, i' faith, I've got some fine +Corcyraean wings.[341] How do you like them? + +INFORMER. Oh! woe is me! Why, 'tis a whip! + +PISTHETAERUS. No, no; these are the wings, I tell you, that set the top +a-spinning. + +INFORMER. Oh! oh! oh! + +PISTHETAERUS. Take your flight, clear off, you miserable cur, or you will +soon see what comes of quibbling and lying. Come, let us gather up our +wings and withdraw. + +CHORUS. In my ethereal nights I have seen many things new and strange and +wondrous beyond belief. There is a tree called Cleonymus belonging to an +unknown species; it has no heart, is good for nothing and is as tall as +it is cowardly. In springtime it shoots forth calumnies instead of buds +and in autumn it strews the ground with bucklers in place of leaves.[342] + +Far away in the regions of darkness, where no ray of light ever enters, +there is a country, where men sit at the table of the heroes and dwell +with them always--save always in the evening. Should any mortal meet the +hero Orestes at night, he would soon be stripped and covered with blows +from head to foot.[343] + +PROMETHEUS. Ah! by the gods! if only Zeus does not espy me! Where is +Pisthetaerus? + +PISTHETAERUS. Ha! what is this? A masked man! + +PROMETHEUS. Can you see any god behind me? + +PISTHETAERUS. No, none. But who are you, pray? + +PROMETHEUS. What's the time, please? + +PISTHETAERUS. The time? Why, it's past noon. Who are you? + +PROMETHEUS. Is it the fall of day? Is it no later than that?[344] + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! 'pon my word! but you grow tiresome! + +PROMETHEUS. What is Zeus doing? Is he dispersing the clouds or gathering +them?[345] + +PISTHETAERUS. Take care, lest I lose all patience. + +PROMETHEUS. Come, I will raise my mask. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! my dear Prometheus! + +PROMETHEUS. Stop! stop! speak lower! + +PISTHETAERUS. Why, what's the matter, Prometheus? + +PROMETHEUS. H'sh, h'sh! Don't call me by my name; you will be my ruin, if +Zeus should see me here. But, if you want me to tell you how things are +going in heaven, take this umbrella and shield me, so that the gods don't +see me. + +PISTHETAERUS. I can recognize Prometheus in this cunning trick. Come, +quick then, and fear nothing; speak on. + +PROMETHEUS. Then listen. + +PISTHETAERUS. I am listening, proceed! + +PROMETHEUS. It's all over with Zeus. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! and since when, pray? + +PROMETHEUS. Since you founded this city in the air. There is not a man +who now sacrifices to the gods; the smoke of the victims no longer +reaches us. Not the smallest offering comes! We fast as though it were +the festival of Demeter.[346] The barbarian gods, who are dying of +hunger, are bawling like Illyrians[347] and threaten to make an armed +descent upon Zeus, if he does not open markets where joints of the +victims are sold. + +PISTHETAERUS. What! there are other gods besides you, barbarian gods who +dwell above Olympus? + +PROMETHEUS. If there were no barbarian gods, who would be the patron of +Execestides?[348] + +PISTHETAERUS. And what is the name of these gods? + +PROMETHEUS. Their name? Why, the Triballi.[349] + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah, indeed! 'tis from that no doubt that we derive the word +'tribulation.'[350] + +PROMETHEUS. Most likely. But one thing I can tell you for certain, +namely, that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going to send deputies +here to sue for peace. Now don't you treat, unless Zeus restores the +sceptre to the birds and gives you Basileia[351] in marriage. + +PISTHETAERUS. Who is this Basileia? + +PROMETHEUS. A very fine young damsel, who makes the lightning for Zeus; +all things come from her, wisdom, good laws, virtue, the fleet, +calumnies, the public paymaster and the triobolus. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress to the god. + +PROMETHEUS. Yes, precisely. If he gives you her for your wife, yours will +be the almighty power. That is what I have come to tell you; for you know +my constant and habitual goodwill towards men. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh, yes! 'tis thanks to you that we roast our meat.[352] + +PROMETHEUS. I hate the gods, as you know. + +PISTHETAERUS. Aye, by Zeus, you have always detested them. + +PROMETHEUS. Towards them I am a veritable Timon;[353] but I must return +in all haste, so give me the umbrella; if Zeus should see me from up +there, he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori.[354] + +PISTHETAERUS. Wait, take this stool as well. + +CHORUS. Near by the land of the Sciapodes[355] there is a marsh, from the +borders whereof the odious Socrates evokes the souls of men. +Pisander[356] came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when +still alive. He offered a little victim, a camel,[357] slit his throat +and, following the example of Ulysses, stepped one pace backwards.[358] +Then that bat of a Chaerephon[359] came up from hell to drink the camel's +blood. + +POSIDON.[360] This is the city of Nephelococcygia, Cloud-cuckoo-town, +whither we come as ambassadors. (_To Triballus_.) Hi! what are you up to? +you are throwing your cloak over the left shoulder. Come, fling it quick +over the right! And why, pray, does it draggle this fashion? Have you +ulcers to hide like Laespodias?[361] Oh! democracy![362] whither, oh! +whither are you leading us? Is it possible that the gods have chosen such +an envoy? + +TRIBALLUS. Leave me alone. + +POSIDON. Ugh! the cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all +the gods.--Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do? + +HERACLES. I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who +has dared to block us in. + +POSIDON. But, my friend, we are envoys of peace. + +HERACLES. All the more reason why I wish to strangle him. + +PISTHETAERUS. Hand me the cheese-grater; bring me the silphium for sauce; +pass me the cheese and watch the coals.[363] + +HERACLES. Mortal! we who greet you are three gods. + +PISTHETAERUS. Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle. + +HERACLES. What are these meats?[364] + +PISTHETAERUS. These are birds that have been punished with death for +attacking the people's friends. + +HERACLES. And you are seasoning them before answering us? + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What's the matter?[365] + +HERACLES. The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace. + +A SERVANT. There's no more oil in the flask. + +PISTHETAERUS. And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it.[366] + +HERACLES. We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be +friends and we promise that you shall always have rain-water in your +pools and the warmest of warm weather. So far as these points go we are +armed with plenary authority. + +PISTHETAERUS. We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as +well disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one +equitable condition, namely, that Zeus yield his sceptre to the birds. If +only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner. + +HERACLES. That's good enough for me. I vote for peace. + +POSIDON. You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton. Do you +want to dethrone your own father? + +PISTHETAERUS. What an error! Why, the gods will be much more powerful if +the birds govern the earth. At present the mortals are hidden beneath the +clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your name; but if +you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after having sworn by the +crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath, the crow would dive down +upon him unawares and pluck out his eye. + +POSIDON. Well thought of, by Posidon![367] + +HERACLES. My notion too. + +PISTHETAERUS. (_to the Triballian_). And you, what's your opinion? + +TRIBALLUS. Nabaisatreu.[368] + +PISTHETAERUS. D'you see? he also approves. But hear another thing in +which we can serve you. If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to some god +and then procrastinates, pretending that the gods can wait, and thus does +not keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess. + +POSIDON. Ah! ah! and how? + +PISTHETAERUS. While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite +will relieve him, before he knows it, either in coin or in clothes, of +the value of a couple of sheep, and carry it to the god. + +HERACLES. I vote for restoring them the sceptre. + +POSIDON. Ask the Triballian. + +HERACLES. Hi! Triballian, do you want a thrashing? + +TRIBALLUS. Saunaka baktarikrousa.[368] + +HERACLES. He says, "Right willingly." + +POSIDON. If that be the opinion of both of you, why, I consent too. + +HERACLES. Very well! we accord the sceptre. + +PISTHETAERUS. Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition. I will leave +Heré to Zeus, but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage. + +POSIDON. Then you don't want peace. Let us withdraw. + +PISTHETAERUS. It matters mighty little to me. Cook, look to the gravy. + +HERACLES. What an odd fellow this Posidon is! Where are you off to? Are +we going to war about a woman? + +POSIDON. What else is there to do? + +HERACLES. What else? Why, conclude peace. + +POSIDON. Oh! the ninny! do you always want to be fooled? Why, you are +seeking your own downfall. If Zeus were to die, after having yielded them +the sovereignty, you would be ruined, for you are the heir of all the +wealth he will leave behind. + +PISTHETAERUS. Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you. Step aside, that I +may have a word with you. Your uncle is getting the better of you, my +poor friend.[369] The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal +property, for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child. + +HERACLES. I a bastard! What's that you tell me? + +PISTHETAERUS. Why, certainly; are you not born of a stranger woman?[370] +Besides, is not Athené recognized as Zeus' sole heiress? And no daughter +would be that, if she had a legitimate brother. + +HERACLES. But what if my father wished to give me his property on his +death-bed, even though I be a bastard? + +PISTHETAERUS. The law forbids it, and this same Posidon would be the +first to lay claim to his wealth, in virtue of being his legitimate +brother. Listen; thus runs Solon's law: "A bastard shall not inherit, if +there are legitimate children; and if there are no legitimate children, +the property shall pass to the nearest kin." + +HERACLES. And I get nothing whatever of the paternal property? + +PISTHETAERUS. Absolutely nothing. But tell me, has your father had you +entered on the registers of his phratria?[371] + +HERACLES. No, and I have long been surprised at the omission. + +PISTHETAERUS. What ails you, that you should shake your fist at heaven? +Do you want to fight it? Why, be on my side, I will make you a king and +will feed you on bird's milk and honey. + +HERACLES. Your further condition seems fair to me. I cede you the young +damsel. + +POSIDON. But I, I vote against this opinion. + +PISTHETAERUS. Then all depends on the Triballian. (_To the Triballian._) +What do you say? + +TRIBALLUS. Big bird give daughter pretty and queen. + +HERACLES. You say that you give her? + +POSIDON. Why no, he does not say anything of the sort, that he gives her; +else I cannot understand any better than the swallows. + +PISTHETAERUS. Exactly so. Does he not say she must be given to the +swallows? + +POSIDON. Very well! you two arrange the matter; make peace, since you +wish it so; I'll hold my tongue. + +HERACLES. We are of a mind to grant you all that you ask. But come up +there with us to receive Basileia and the celestial bounty. + +PISTHETAERUS. Here are birds already cut up, and very suitable for a +nuptial feast. + +HERACLES. You go and, if you like, I will stay here to roast them. + +PISTHETAERUS. You to roast them! you are too much the glutton; come along +with us. + +HERACLES. Ah! how well I would have treated myself! + +PISTHETAERUS. Let some bring me a beautiful and magnificent tunic for the +wedding. + +CHORUS.[372] At Phanae,[373] near the Clepsydra,[374] there dwells a +people who have neither faith nor law, the Englottogastors,[375] who +reap, sow, pluck the vines and the figs[376] with their tongues; they +belong to a barbaric race, and among them the Philippi and the +Gorgiases[377] are to be found; 'tis these Englottogastorian Phillippi +who introduced the custom all over Attica of cutting out the tongue +separately at sacrifices.[378] + +A MESSENGER. Oh, you, whose unbounded happiness I cannot express in +words, thrice happy race of airy birds, receive your king in your +fortunate dwellings. More brilliant than the brightest star that illumes +the earth, he is approaching his glittering golden palace; the sun itself +does not shine with more dazzling glory. He is entering with his bride at +his side[379] whose beauty no human tongue can express; in his hand he +brandishes the lightning, the winged shaft of Zeus; perfumes of +unspeakable sweetness pervade the ethereal realms. 'Tis a glorious +spectacle to see the clouds of incense wafting in light whirlwinds before +the breath of the Zephyr! But here he is himself. Divine Muse! let thy +sacred lips begin with songs of happy omen. + +CHORUS. Fall back! to the right! to the left! advance![380] Fly around +this happy mortal, whom Fortune loads with her blessings. Oh! oh! what +grace! what beauty! Oh, marriage so auspicious for our city! All honour +to this man! 'tis through him that the birds are called to such glorious +destinies. Let your nuptial hymns, your nuptial songs, greet him and his +Basileia! 'Twas in the midst of such festivities that the Fates formerly +united Olympian Here to the King who governs the gods from the summit of +his inaccessible throne. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Rosy Eros with the +golden wings held the reins and guided the chariot; 'twas he, who +presided over the union of Zeus and the fortunate Heré. Oh! Hymen! oh! +Hymenaeus! + +PISTHETAERUS. I am delighted with your songs, I applaud your verses. Now +celebrate the thunder that shakes the earth, the flaming lightning of +Zeus and the terrible flashing thunderbolt. + +CHORUS. Oh, thou golden flash of the lightning! oh, ye divine shafts of +flame, that Zeus has hitherto shot forth! Oh, ye rolling thunders, that +bring down the rain! 'Tis by the order of our king that ye shall now +stagger the earth! Oh, Hymen! 'tis through thee that he commands the +universe and that he makes Basileia, whom he has robbed from Zeus, take +her seat at his side. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! + +PISTHETAERUS. Let all the winged tribes of our fellow-citizens follow the +bridal couple to the palace of Zeus[381] and to the nuptial couch! +Stretch forth your hands, my dear wife! Take hold of me by my wings and +let us dance; I am going to lift you up and carry you through the air. + +CHORUS. Oh, joy! Io Paean! Tralala! victory is thine, oh, thou greatest +of the gods! + + * * * * * + +FINIS OF "THE BIRDS" + + * * * * * + +Footnotes: + +[175] Euelpides is holding a jay and Pisthetaerus a crow; they are the +guides who are to lead them to the kingdom of the birds. + +[176] A stranger, who wanted to pass as an Athenian, although coming +originally from a far-away barbarian country. + +[177] A king of Thrace, a son of Ares, who married Procné, the daughter +of Pandion, King of Athens, whom he had assisted against the Megarians. +He violated his sister-in-law, Philomela, and then cut out her tongue; +she nevertheless managed to convey to her sister how she had been +treated. They both agreed to kill Itys, whom Procné had born to Tereus, +and dished up the limbs of his own son to the father; at the end of the +meal Philomela appeared and threw the child's head upon the table. Tereus +rushed with drawn sword upon the princesses, but all the actors in this +terrible scene were metamorphised. Tereus became an Epops (hoopoe), +Procné a swallow, Philomela a nightingale, and Itys a goldfinch. +According to Anacreon and Apollodorus it was Procné who became the +nightingale and Philomela the swallow, and this is the version of the +tradition followed by Aristophanes. + +[178] An Athenian who had some resemblance to a jay--so says the +Scholiast, at any rate. + +[179] Literally, _to go to the crows_, a proverbial expression equivalent +to our _going to the devil_. + +[180] They leave Athens because of their hatred of lawsuits and +informers; this is the especial failing of the Athenians satirized in +'The Wasps.' + +[181] Myrtle boughs were used in sacrifices, and the founding of every +colony was started by a sacrifice. + +[182] The actors wore masks made to resemble the birds they were supposed +to represent. + +[183] Fear had had disastrous effects upon Euelpides' internal economy, +this his feet evidenced. + +[184] The same mishap had occurred to Pisthetaerus. + +[185] The Greek word for a wren, [Greek: trochilos], is derived from the +same root as [Greek: trechein], to run. + +[186] No doubt there was some scenery to represent a forest. Besides, +there is a pun intended. The words answering for _forest_ and _door_ +([Greek: hul_e and thura]) in Greek only differ slightly in sound. + +[187] Sophocles had written a tragedy about Tereus, in which, no doubt, +the king finally appears as a hoopoe. + +[188] A [Greek: para prosdokian]; one would expect the question to be +"bird or man."--Are you a peacock? The hoopoe resembles the peacock +inasmuch as both have crests. + +[189] Athens. + +[190] The Athenians were madly addicted to lawsuits. (_Vide_ 'The +Wasps.') + +[191] As much as to say, _Then you have such things as anti-dicasts?_ And +Euelpides practically replies, _Very few_. + +[192] His name was Aristocrates; he was a general and commanded a fleet +sent in aid of Corcyra. + +[193] The State galley, which carried the officials of the Athenian +republic to their several departments and brought back those whose time +had expired; it was this galley that was sent to Sicily to fetch back +Alcibiades, who was accused of sacrilege. + +[194] A tragic poet, who was a leper; there is a play, of course, on the +Lepreum. + +[195] An allusion to Opuntius, who was one-eyed. + +[196] The newly-married ate a sesame cake, decorated with garlands of +myrtle, poppies, and mint. + +[197] From [Greek: polein], to turn. + +[198] The Greek words for _pole_ and _city_ ([Greek: polos] and [Greek: +polis]) only differ by a single letter. + +[199] Boeotia separated Attica from Phocis. + +[200] He swears by the powers that are to him dreadful. + +[201] As already stated, according to the legend, accepted by +Aristophanes, it was Procné who was turned into the nightingale. + +[202] The son of Tereus and Procné. + +[203] An African bird, that comes to the southern countries of Europe, to +Greece, Italy, and Spain; it is even seen in Provence. + +[204] Aristophanes amusingly mixes up real birds with people and +individuals, whom he represents in the form of birds; he is personifying +the Medians here. + +[205] Philocles, a tragic poet, had written a tragedy on Tereus, which +was simply a plagiarism of the play of the same name by Sophocles. +Philocles is the son of Epops, because he got his inspiration from +Sophocles' Tereus, and at the same time is father to Epops, since he +himself produced another Tereus. + +[206] This Hipponicus is probably the orator whose ears Alcibiades boxed +to gain a bet; he was a descendant of Callias, who was famous for his +hatred of Pisistratus. + +[207] This Callias, who must not be confounded with the foe of +Pisistratus, had ruined himself. + +[208] Cleonymus had cast away his shield; he was as great a glutton as he +was a coward. + +[209] A race in which the track had to be circled twice. + +[210] A people of Asia Minor; when pursued by the Ionians they took +refuge in the mountains. + +[211] An Athenian barber. + +[212] The owl was dedicated to Athené, and being respected at Athens, it +had greatly multiplied. Hence the proverb, _taking owls to Athens_, +similar to our English _taking coals to Newcastle_. + +[213] An allusion to the Feast of Pots; it was kept at Athens on the +third day of the Anthesteria, when all sorts of vegetables were stewed +together and offered for the dead to Bacchus and Athené. This Feast was +peculiar to Athens.--Hence Pisthetaerus thinks that the owl will +recognize they are Athenians by seeing the stew-pots, and as he is an +Athenian bird, he will not attack them. + +[214] Nicias, the famous Athenian general.--The siege of Melos in 417 +B.C., or two years previous to the production of 'The Birds,' had +especially done him great credit. He was joint commander of the Sicilian +expedition. + +[215] Procné, the daughter of Pandion, King of Athens. + +[216] A space beyond the walls of Athens which contained the gardens of +the Academy and the graves of citizens who had died for their country. + +[217] A town in Western Argolis, where the Athenians had been recently +defeated. The somewhat similar word in Greek, [Greek: ornithes], +signifies _birds_. + +[218] Epops is addressing the two slaves, no doubt Xanthias and Manes, +who are mentioned later on. + +[219] It was customary, when speaking in public and also at feasts, to +wear a chaplet; hence the question Euelpides puts. The guests wore +chaplets of flowers, herbs, and leaves, which had the property of being +refreshing. + +[220] A deme of Attica. In Greek the word ([Greek: kephalai]) also means +_heads_, and hence the pun. + +[221] One of Darius' best generals. After his expedition against the +Scythians, this prince gave him the command of the army which he left in +Europe. Megabyzus took Perinthos (afterwards called Heraclea) and +conquered Thrace. + +[222] All Persians wore the tiara, but always on one side; the Great King +alone wore it straight on his head. + +[223] Noted as the birthplace of Thucydides, a deme of Attica of the +tribe of Leontis. Demosthenes tells us it was thirty-five stadia from +Athens. + +[224] The appearance of the kite in Greece betokened the return of +springtime; it was therefore worshipped as a symbol of that season. + +[225] To look at the kite, who no doubt was flying high in the sky. + +[226] As already shown, the Athenians were addicted to carrying small +coins in their mouths.--This obolus was for the purpose of buying flour +to fill the bag he was carrying. + +[227] In Phoenicia and Egypt the cuckoo makes its appearance about +harvest-time. + +[228] This was an Egyptian proverb, meaning, _When the cuckoo sings we go +harvesting_. Both the Phoenicians and the Egyptians practised +circumcision. + +[229] The staff, called a sceptre, generally terminated in a piece of +carved work, representing a flower, a fruit, and most often a bird. + +[230] A general accused of treachery. The bird watches Lysicrates, +because, according to Pisthetaerus, he had a right to a share of the +presents. + +[231] It is thus that Phidias represents his Olympian Zeus. + +[232] One of the diviners sent to Sybaris (in Magna Graecia, S. Italy) +with the Athenian colonists, who rebuilt the town under the new name of +Thurium. + +[233] As if he were saying, "Oh, gods!" Like Lampon, he swears by the +birds, instead of swearing by the gods.--The names of these birds are +those of two of the Titans. + +[234] Alcmena, wife of Amphitryon, King of Thebes and mother of +Heracles.--Semelé, the daughter of Cadmus and Hermioné and mother of +Bacchus; both seduced by Zeus.--Alopé, daughter of Cercyon, a robber, who +reigned at Eleusis and was conquered by Perseus. Alopé was honoured with +Posidon's caresses; by him she had a son named Hippothous, at first +brought up by shepherds but who afterwards was restored to the throne of +his grandfather by Theseus. + +[235] Because the bald patch on the coot's head resembles the shaven and +depilated 'motte.' + +[236] Because water is the duck's domain, as it is that of Posidon. + +[237] Because the gull, like Heracles, is voracious. + +[238] The Germans still call it _Zaunkönig_ and the French _roitelet_, +both names thus containing the idea of _king_. + +[239] The Scholiast draws our attention to the fact that Homer says this +of Heré and not of Iris (Iliad, V. 778); it is only another proof that +the text of Homer has reached us in a corrupted form, or it may be that +Aristophanes was liable, like other people, to occasional mistakes of +quotation. + +[240] In sacrifices. + +[241] An Athenian proverb. + +[242] A celebrated temple to Zeus in an oasis of Libya. + +[243] Nicias was commander, along with Demosthenes, and later on +Alcibiades, of the Athenian forces before Syracuse, in the ill-fated +Sicilian Expedition, 415-413 B.C. He was much blamed for dilatoriness and +indecision. + +[244] Servants of Pisthetaerus and Euelpides. + +[245] It has already been mentioned that, according to the legend +followed by Aristophanes, Procné had been changed into a nightingale and +Philomela into a swallow. + +[246] The actor, representing Procné, was dressed out as a courtesan, but +wore the mask of a bird. + +[247] Young unmarried girls wore golden ornaments; the apparel of married +women was much simpler. + +[248] The actor, representing Procné, was a flute-player. + +[249] The parabasis. + +[250] A sophist of the island of Ceos, a disciple of Protagoras, as +celebrated for his knowledge as for his eloquence. The Athenians +condemned him to death as a corrupter of youth in 396 B.C. + +[251] Lovers were wont to make each other presents of birds. The cock and +the goose are mentioned, of course, in jest. + +[252] i.e. that it gave notice of the approach of winter, during which +season the Ancients did not venture to sea. + +[253] A notorious robber. + +[254] Meaning, "_We are your oracles._"--Dodona was an oracle in +Epirus.--The temple of Zeus there was surrounded by a dense forest, all +the trees of which were endowed with the gift of prophecy; both the +sacred oaks and the pigeons that lived in them answered the questions of +those who came to consult the oracle in pure Greek. + +[255] The Greek word for _omen_ is the same as that for _bird_--[Greek: +ornis]. + +[256] A satire on the passion of the Greeks for seeing an omen in +everything. + +[257] An imitation of the nightingale's song. + +[258] God of the groves and wilds. + +[259] The 'Mother of the Gods'; roaming the mountains, she held dances, +always attended by Pan and his accompanying rout of Fauns and Satyrs. + +[260] An allusion to cock-fighting; the birds are armed with brazen +spurs. + +[261] An allusion to the spots on this bird, which resemble the scars +left by a branding iron. + +[262] He was of Asiatic origin, but wished to pass for an Athenian. + +[263] Or Philamnon, King of Thrace; the Scholiast remarks that the +Phrygians and the Thracians had a common origin. + +[264] The Greek word here, [Greek: pappos], is also the name of a little +bird. + +[265] A basket-maker who had become rich.--The Phylarchs were the headmen +of the tribes, [Greek: Phulai]. They presided at the private assemblies +and were charged with the management of the treasury.--The Hipparchs, as +the name implies, were the leaders of the cavalry; there were only two of +these in the Athenian army. + +[266] He had now become a senator, member of the [Greek: Boul_e]. + +[267] Pisthetaerus and Euelpides now both return with wings. + +[268] Meaning, 'tis we who wanted to have these wings.--The verse from +Aeschylus, quoted here, is taken from 'The Myrmidons,' a tragedy of which +only a few fragments remain. + +[269] The Greek word signified the city of Sparta, and also a kind of +broom used for weaving rough matting, which served for the beds of the +very poor. + +[270] A fanciful name constructed from [Greek: nephel_e], a +cloud, and [Greek: kokkux], a cuckoo; thus a city of clouds and +cuckoos.--_Wolkenkukelheim_[*] is a clever approximation in German. +Cloud-cuckoo-town, perhaps, is the best English equivalent. + +[* Transcriber's note: So in original. The correct German word is +_Wolkenkuckucksheim_.] + +[271] He was a boaster nicknamed [Greek: Kapnos], _smoke_, because he +promised a great deal and never kept his word. + +[272] Also mentioned in 'The Wasps.' + +[273] Because the war of the Titans against the gods was only a fiction +of the poets. + +[274] A sacred cloth, with which the statue of Athené in the Acropolis +was draped. + +[275] Meaning, to be patron-goddess of the city. Athené had a temple of +this name. + +[276] An Athenian effeminate, frequently ridiculed by Aristophanes. + +[277] This was the name of the wall surrounding the Acropolis. + +[278] i.e. the fighting-cock. + +[279] To waken the sentinels, who might else have fallen asleep.--There +are several merry contradictions in the various parts of this list of +injunctions. + +[280] In allusion to the leather strap which flute-players wore to +constrict the cheeks and add to the power of the breath. The performer +here no doubt wore a raven's mask. + +[281] Hellanicus, the Mitylenian historian, tells that this surname of +Artemis is derived from Colaenus, King of Athens before Cecrops and a +descendant of Hermes. In obedience to an oracle he erected a temple to +the goddess, invoking her as Artemis Colaenis (the Artemis of Colaenus). + +[282] This Cleocritus, says the Scholiast, was long-necked and strutted +like an ostrich. + +[283] The Chians were the most faithful allies of Athens, and hence their +name was always mentioned in prayers, decrees, etc. + +[284] Verses sung by maidens. + +[285] This ceremony took place on the tenth day after birth, and may be +styled the pagan baptism. + +[286] Hiero, tyrant of Syracuse.--This passage is borrowed from Pindar. + +[287] [Greek: Hierón] in Greek means sacrifice. + +[288] A parody of poetic pathos, not to say bathos. + +[289] Which the priest was preparing to sacrifice. + +[290] Orneae, a city in Argolis ([Greek: ornis] in Greek means a bird). +It was because of this similarity in sound that the prophet alludes to +Orneae. + +[291] Noted Athenian diviner, who, when the power was still shared +between Thucydides and Pericles, predicted that it would soon be centred +in the hands of the latter; his ground for this prophecy was the sight of +a ram with a single horn. + +[292] No doubt another Athenian diviner, and possibly the same person +whom Aristophanes names in 'The Knights' and 'The Wasps' as being a +thief. + +[293] A celebrated geometrician and astronomer. + +[294] A deme contiguous to Athens. It is as though he said, "Well known +throughout all England and at Croydon." + +[295] Thales was no less famous as a geometrician than he was as a sage. + +[296] Officers of Athens, whose duty was to protect strangers who came on +political or other business, and see to their interests generally. + +[297] He addresses the inspector thus because of the royal and +magnificent manners he assumes. + +[298] Magistrates appointed to inspect the tributary towns. + +[299] A much-despised citizen, already mentioned. He ironically supposes +him invested with the powers of an Archon, which ordinarily were +entrusted only to men of good repute. + +[300] A Persian satrap.--An allusion to certain orators, who, bribed with +Asiatic gold, had often defended the interests of the foe in the Public +Assembly. + +[301] A Macedonian people in the peninsula of Chalcidicé. This name is +chosen because of its similarity to the Greek word [Greek: +olophuresthai], _to groan_. It is from another verb, [Greek: ototuzein], +meaning the same thing, that Pisthetaerus coins the name of Ototyxians, +i.e. groaners, because he is about to beat the dealer.--The +mother-country had the right to impose any law it chose upon its +colonies. + +[302] Corresponding to our month of April. + +[303] Which the inspector had brought with him for the purpose of +inaugurating the assemblies of the people or some tribunal. + +[304] So that the sacrifices might no longer be interrupted. + +[305] A disciple of Democrites; he passed over from superstition to +atheism. The injustice and perversity of mankind led him to deny the +existence of the gods, to lay bare the mysteries and to break the idols. +The Athenians had put a price on his head, so he left Greece and perished +soon afterwards in a storm at sea. + +[306] By this jest Aristophanes means to imply that tyranny is dead, and +that no one aspires to despotic power, though this silly accusation was +constantly being raised by the demagogues and always favourably received +by the populace. + +[307] A poulterer.--Strouthian, used in joke to designate him, as if from +the name of his 'deme,' is derived from [Greek: strouthos], _a sparrow_. +The birds' foe is thus grotesquely furnished with an ornithological +surname. + +[308] From Aphrodité (Venus), to whom he had awarded the apple, prize of +beauty, in the contest of the "goddesses three." + +[309] Laurium was an Athenian deme at the extremity of the Attic +peninsula containing valuable silver mines, the revenues of which were +largely employed in the maintenance of the fleet and payment of the +crews. The "owls of Laurium," of course, mean pieces of money; the +Athenian coinage was stamped with a representation of an owl, the bird of +Athené. + +[310] A pun impossible to keep in English, on the two meanings of the +word [Greek: aetos], which signifies both an eagle and the gable of a +house or pediment of a temple. + +[311] That is, birds' crops, into which they could stow away plenty of +good things. + +[312] The Ancients appear to have placed metal discs over statues +standing in the open air, to save them from injury from the weather, etc. + +[313] So as not to be carried away by the wind when crossing the sea, +cranes are popularly supposed to ballast themselves with stones, which +they carry in their beaks. + +[314] Pisthetaerus modifies the Greek proverbial saying, "To what use +cannot hands be put?" + +[315] A corps of Athenian cavalry was so named. + +[316] Chaos, Night, Tartarus, and Erebus alone existed in the beginning; +Eros was born from Night and Erebus, and he wedded Chaos and begot Earth, +Air, and Heaven; so runs the fable. + +[317] Iris appears from the top of the stage and arrests her flight in +mid-career. + +[318] Ship, because of her wings, which resemble oars; cap, because she +no doubt wore the head-dress (as a messenger of the gods) with which +Hermes is generally depicted. + +[319] The names of the two sacred galleys which carried Athenian +officials on State business. + +[320] A buzzard is named in order to raise a laugh, the Greek name +[Greek: triorchos] also meaning, etymologically, provided with three +testicles, vigorous in love. + +[321] Iris' reply is a parody of the tragic style.--'Lycimnius' is, +according to the Scholiast, the title of a tragedy by Euripides, which is +about a ship that is struck by lightning. + +[322] i.e. for a poltroon, like the slaves, most of whom came to Athens +from these countries. + +[323] A parody of a passage in the lost tragedy of 'Niobe' of Aeschylus. + +[324] Because this bird has a spotted plumage.--Porphyrion is also the +name of one of the Titans who tried to storm heaven. + +[325] All these surnames bore some relation to the character or the build +of the individual to whom the poet applies them.--Chaerephon, Socrates' +disciple, was of white and ashen hue.--Opontius was one-eyed.--Syracosius +was a braggart.--Midias had a passion for quail-fights, and, besides, +resembled that bird physically. + +[326] Pisthetaerus' servant, already mentioned. + +[327] From the inspection of which auguries were taken, e.g. the eagles, +the vultures, the crows. + +[328] Or rather, a young man who contemplated parricide. + +[329] A parody of verses in Sophocles' 'Oenomaus.' + +[330] The Athenians were then besieging Amphipolis in the Thracian +Chalcidicé. + +[331] There was a real Cinesias--a dithyrambic poet, born at Thebes. + +[332] The Scholiast thinks that Cinesias, who was tall and slight of +build, wore a kind of corset of lime-wood to support his waist--surely +rather a far-fetched interpretation! + +[333] The Greek word used here was the word of command employed to stop +the rowers. + +[334] Cinesias makes a bound each time that Pisthetaerus struck him. + +[335] The tribes of Athens, or rather the rich citizens belonging to +them, were wont on feast-days to give representations of dithyrambic +choruses as well as of tragedies and comedies. + +[336] Another dithyrambic poet, a man of extreme leanness. + +[337] A parody of a hemistich from 'Alcaeus.'--The informer is +dissatisfied at only seeing birds of sombre plumage and poor appearance. +He would have preferred to denounce the rich. + +[338] The informer, says the Scholiast, was clothed with a ragged cloak, +the tatters of which hung down like wings, in fact, a cloak that could +not protect him from the cold and must have made him long for the +swallows' return, i.e. the spring. + +[339] A town in Achaia, where woollen cloaks were made. + +[340] His trade was to accuse the rich citizens of the subject islands, +and drag them before the Athenian courts; he explains later the special +advantages of this branch of the informer's business. + +[341] That is, whips--Corcyra being famous for these articles. + +[342] Cleonymus is a standing butt of Aristophanes' wit, both as an +informer and a notorious poltroon. + +[343] In allusion to the cave of the bandit Orestes; the poet terms him a +hero only because of his heroic name Orestes. + +[344] Prometheus wants night to come and so reduce the risk of being seen +from Olympus. + +[345] The clouds would prevent Zeus seeing what was happening below him. + +[346] The third day of the festival of Demeter was a fast. + +[347] A semi-savage people, addicted to violence and brigandage. + +[348] Who, being reputed a stranger despite his pretension to the title +of a citizen, could only have a strange god for his patron or tutelary +deity. + +[349] The Triballi were a Thracian people; it was a term commonly used in +Athens to describe coarse men, obscene debauchees and greedy parasites. + +[350] There is a similar pun in the Greek. + +[351] i.e. the _supremacy_ of Greece, the real object of the war. + +[352] Prometheus had stolen the fire from the gods to gratify mankind. + +[353] A celebrated misanthrope, contemporary to Aristophanes. Hating the +society of men, he had only a single friend, Apimantus, to whom he was +attached, because of their similarity of character; he also liked +Alcibiades, because he foresaw that this young man would be the ruin of +his country. + +[354] The Canephori were young maidens, chosen from the first families of +the city, who carried baskets wreathed with myrtle at the feast of +Athené, while at those of Bacchus and Demeter they appeared with gilded +baskets.--The daughters of 'Metics,' or resident aliens, walked behind +them, carrying an umbrella and a stool. + +[355] According to Ctesias, the Sciapodes were a people who dwelt on the +borders of the Atlantic. Their feet were larger than the rest of their +bodies, and to shield themselves from the sun's rays they held up one of +their feet as an umbrella.--By giving the Socratic philosophers the name +of Sciapodes here ([Greek: _podes_], feet, and [Greek: _skia_], shadow) +Aristophanes wishes to convey that they are walking in the dark and +busying themselves with the greatest nonsense. + +[356] This Pisander was a notorious coward; for this reason the poet +jestingly supposes that he had lost his soul, the seat of courage. + +[357] A [Greek: para prosdokian], considering the shape and height of the +camel, which can certainly not be included in the list of _small_ +victims, e.g. the sheep and the goat. + +[358] In the evocation of the dead, Book XI of the Odyssey. + +[359] Chaerephon was given this same title by the Herald earlier in this +comedy.--Aristophanes supposes him to have come from hell because he is +lean and pallid. + +[360] Posidon appears on the stage accompanied by Heracles and a +Triballian god. + +[361] An Athenian general.--Neptune is trying to give Triballus some +notions of elegance and good behaviour. + +[362] Aristophanes supposes that democracy is in the ascendant in Olympus +as it is in Athens. + +[363] He is addressing his servant, Manes. + +[364] Heracles softens at sight of the food.--Heracles is the glutton of +the comic poets. + +[365] He pretends not to have seen them at first, being so much engaged +with his cookery. + +[366] He pretends to forget the presence of the ambassadors. + +[367] Posidon jestingly swears by himself. + +[368] The barbarian god utters some gibberish which Pisthetaerus +interprets into consent. + +[369] Heracles, the god of strength, was far from being remarkable in the +way of cleverness. + +[370] This was Athenian law. + +[371] The poet attributes to the gods the same customs as those which +governed Athens, and according to which no child was looked upon as +legitimate unless his father had entered him on the registers of his +phratria. The phratria was a division of the tribe and consisted of +thirty families. + +[372] The chorus continues to tell what it has seen on its flights. + +[373] The harbour of the island of Chios; but this name is here used in +the sense of being the land of informers ([Greek: phainein], to +denounce). + +[374] i.e. near the orators' platform, or [Greek: B_ema], in the Public +Assembly, or [Greek: Ekkl_esia], because there stood the [Greek: +klepsudra], or water-clock, by which speeches were limited. + +[375] A coined name, made up of [Greek: gl_otta], the tongue, and [Greek: +gast_er], the stomach, and meaning those who fill their stomach with what +they gain with their tongues, to wit, the orators. + +[376] [Greek: Sukon] a fig, forms part of the word, [Greek: +sukophant_es], which in Greek means an informer. + +[377] Both rhetoricians. + +[378] Because they consecrated it specially to the god of eloquence. + +[379] Basileia, whom he brings back from heaven. + +[380] Terms used in regulating a dance. + +[381] Where Pisthetaerus is henceforth to reign. + + + + +THE FROGS + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +Like 'The Birds' this play rather avoids politics than otherwise, its +leading _motif_, over and above the pure fun and farce for their own sake +of the burlesque descent into the infernal regions, being a literary one, +an onslaught on Euripides the Tragedian and all his works and ways. + +It was produced in the year 405 B.C., the year after 'The Birds,' and +only one year before the Peloponnesian War ended disastrously for the +Athenian cause in the capture of the city by Lysander. First brought out +at the Lenaean festival in January, it was played a second time at the +Dionysia in March of the same year--a far from common honour. The drama +was not staged in the Author's own name, we do not know for what reasons, +but it won the first prize, Phrynichus' 'Muses' being second. + +The plot is as follows. The God Dionysus, patron of the Drama, is +dissatisfied with the condition of the Art of Tragedy at Athens, and +resolves to descend to Hades in order to bring back again to earth one of +the old tragedians--Euripides, he thinks, for choice. Dressing himself +up, lion's skin and club complete, as Heracles, who has performed the +same perilous journey before, and accompanied by his slave Xanthias (a +sort of classical Sancho Panza) with the baggage, he starts on the +fearful expedition. + +Coming to the shores of Acheron, he is ferried over in Charon's +boat--Xanthias has to walk round--the First Chorus of Marsh Frogs (from +which the play takes its title) greeting him with prolonged croakings. +Approaching Pluto's Palace in fear and trembling, he knocks timidly at +the gate. Being presently admitted, he finds a contest on the point of +being held before the King of Hades and the Initiates of the Eleusinian +Mysteries, who form the Second Chorus, between Aeschylus, the present +occupant of the throne of tragic excellence in hell, and the pushing, +self-satisfied, upstart Euripides, who is for ousting him from his pride +of place. + +Each poet quotes in turn from his Dramas, and the indignant Aeschylus +makes fine fun of his rival's verses, and shows him up in the usual +Aristophanic style as a corrupter of morals, a contemptible casuist, and +a professor of the dangerous new learning of the Sophists, so justly held +in suspicion by true-blue Athenian Conservatives. Eventually a pair of +scales is brought in, and verses alternately spouted by the two +candidates are weighed against each other, the mighty lines of the Father +of Tragedy making his flippant, finickin little rival's scale kick the +beam every time. + +Dionysus becomes a convert to the superior merits of the old school of +tragedy, and contemptuously dismisses Euripides, to take Aeschylus back +with him to the upper world instead, leaving Sophocles meantime in +occupation of the coveted throne of tragedy in the nether regions. + +Needless to say, the various scenes of the journey to Hades, the crossing +of Acheron, the Frogs' choric songs, and the trial before Pluto, afford +opportunities for much excellent fooling in our Author's very finest vein +of drollery, and "seem to have supplied the original idea for those +modern burlesques upon the Olympian and Tartarian deities which were at +one time so popular." + + * * * * * + +THE FROGS + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +DIONYSUS. +XANTHIAS, his Servant. +HERACLES. +A DEAD MAN. +CHARON. +AEACUS. +FEMALE ATTENDANT OF PERSEPHONÉ. +INKEEPERS' WIVES. +EURIPIDES. +AESCHYLUS. +PLUTO. +CHORUS OF FROGS. +CHORUS OF INITIATES. + +SCENE: In front of the temple of Heracles, and on the banks of Acheron in +the Infernal Regions. + + * * * * * + +THE FROGS + + +XANTHIAS. Now am I to make one of those jokes that have the knack of +always making the spectators laugh? + +DIONYSUS. Aye, certainly, any one you like, excepting "I am worn out." +Take care you don't say that, for it gets on my nerves. + +XANTHIAS. Do you want some other drollery? + +DIONYSUS. Yes, only not, "I am quite broken up." + +XANTHIAS. Then what witty thing shall I say? + +DIONYSUS. Come, take courage; only ... + +XANTHIAS. Only what? + +DIONYSUS. ... don't start saying as you shift your package from shoulder +to shoulder, "Ah! that's a relief!" + +XANTHIAS. May I not at least say, that unless I am relieved of this +cursed load I shall let wind? + +DIONYSUS. Oh! for pity's sake, no! you don't want to make me spew. + +XANTHIAS. What need then had I to take this luggage, if I must not copy +the porters that Phrynichus, Lycis and Amipsias[382] never fail to put on +the stage? + +DIONYSUS. Do nothing of the kind. Whenever I chance to see one of these +stage tricks, I always leave the theatre feeling a good year older. + +XANTHIAS. Oh! my poor back! you are broken and I am not allowed to make a +single joke. + +DIONYSUS. Just mark the insolence of this Sybarite! I, Dionysus, the son +of a ... wine-jar,[383] I walk, I tire myself, and I set yonder rascal +upon an ass, that he may not have the burden of carrying his load. + +XANTHIAS. But am I not carrying it? + +DIONYSUS. No, since you are on your beast. + +XANTHIAS. Nevertheless I am carrying this.... + +DIONYSUS. What? + +XANTHIAS. ... and it is very heavy. + +DIONYSUS. But this burden you carry is borne by the ass. + +XANTHIAS. What I have here, 'tis certainly I who bear it, and not the +ass, no, by all the gods, most certainly not! + +DIONYSUS. How can you claim to be carrying it, when you are carried? + +XANTHIAS. That I can't say; but this shoulder is broken, anyhow. + +DIONYSUS. Well then, since you say that the ass is no good to you, pick +her up in your turn and carry her. + +XANTHIAS. What a pity I did not fight at sea;[384] I would baste your +ribs for that joke. + +DIONYSUS. Dismount, you clown! Here is a door,[385] at which I want to +make my first stop. Hi! slave! hi! hi! slave! + +HERACLES (_from inside the Temple_). Do you want to beat in the door? He +knocks like a Centaur.[386] Why, what's the matter? + +DIONYSUS. Xanthias! + +XANTHIAS. Well? + +DIONYSUS. Did you notice? + +XANTHIAS. What? + +DIONYSUS. How I frightened him? + +XANTHIAS. Bah! you're mad! + +HERACLES. Ho, by Demeter! I cannot help laughing; it's no use biting my +lips, I must laugh. + +DIONYSUS. Come out, friend; I have need of you. + +HERACLES. Oh! 'tis enough to make a fellow hold his sides to see this +lion's-skin over a saffron robe![387] What does this mean? Buskins[388] +and a bludgeon! What connection have they? Where are you off to in this +rig? + +DIONYSUS. When I went aboard Clisthenes[389].... + +HERACLES. Did you fight? + +DIONYSUS. We sank twelve or thirteen ships of the enemy. + +HERACLES. You? + +DIONYSUS. Aye, by Apollo! + +HERACLES. You have dreamt it.[390] + +DIONYSUS. As I was reading the 'Andromeda'[391] on the ship, I suddenly +felt my heart afire with a wish so violent.... + +HERACLES. A wish! of what nature? + +DIONYSUS. Oh, quite small, like Molon.[392] + +HERACLES. You wished for a woman? + +DIONYSUS. No. + +HERACLES. A young boy, then? + +DIONYSUS. Nothing of the kind. + +HERACLES. A man? + +DIONYSUS. Faugh! + +HERACLES. Might you then have had dealings with Clisthenes? + +DIONYSUS. Have mercy, brother; no mockery! I am quite ill, so greatly +does my desire torment me! + +HERACLES. And what desire is it, little brother? + +DIONYSUS. I cannot disclose it, but I will convey it to you by hints. +Have you ever been suddenly seized with a desire for pea-soup? + +HERACLES. For pea-soup! oh! oh! yes, a thousand times in my life.[393] + +DIONYSUS. Do you take me or shall I explain myself in some other way? + +HERACLES. Oh! as far as the pea-soup is concerned, I understand +marvellously well. + +DIONYSUS. So great is the desire, which devours me, for Euripides. + +HERACLES. But he is dead.[394] + +DIONYSUS. There is no human power can prevent my going to him. + +HERACLES. To the bottom of Hades? + +DIONYSUS. Aye, and further than the bottom, an it need. + +HERACLES. And what do you want with him? + +DIONYSUS. I want a master poet; "some are dead and gone, and others are +good for nothing."[395] + +HERACLES. Is Iophon[396] dead then? + +DIONYSUS. He is the only good one left me, and even of him I don't know +quite what to think. + +HERACLES. Then there's Sophocles, who is greater than Euripides; if you +must absolutely bring someone back from Hades, why not make him live +again? + +DIONYSUS. No, not until I have taken Iophon by himself and tested him for +what he is worth. Besides, Euripides is very artful and won't leave a +stone unturned to get away with me, whereas Sophocles is as easy-going +with Pluto as he was when on earth. + +HERACLES. And Agathon? Where is he?[397] + +DIONYSUS. He has left me; 'twas a good poet and his friends regret him. + +HERACLES. And whither has the poor fellow gone? + +DIONYSUS. To the banquet of the blest. + +HERACLES. And Xenocles?[398] + +DIONYSUS. May the plague seize him! + +HERACLES. And Pythangelus?[399] + +XANTHIAS. They don't say ever a word of poor me, whose shoulder is quite +shattered. + +HERACLES. Is there not a crowd of other little lads, who produce +tragedies by the thousand and are a thousand times more loquacious than +Euripides? + +DIONYSUS. They are little sapless twigs, chatterboxes, who twitter like +the swallows, destroyers of the art, whose aptitude is withered with a +single piece and who sputter forth all their talent to the tragic Muse at +their first attempt. But look where you will, you will not find a +creative poet who gives vent to a noble thought. + +HERACLES. How creative? + +DIONYSUS. Aye, creative, who dares to risk "the ethereal dwellings of +Zeus," or "the wing of Time," or "a heart that is above swearing by the +sacred emblems," and "a tongue that takes an oath, while yet the soul is +unpledged."[400] + +HERACLES. Is that the kind of thing that pleases you? + +DIONYSUS. I'm more than madly fond of it. + +HERACLES. But such things are simply idiotic, you feel it yourself. + +DIONYSUS. "Don't come trespassing on my mind; you have a brain of your +own to keep thoughts in."[401] + +HERACLES. But nothing could be more detestable. + +DIONYSUS. Where cookery is concerned, you can be my master.[402] + +XANTHIAS. They don't say a thing about me! + +DIONYSUS. If I have decked myself out according to your pattern, 'tis +that you may tell me, in case I should need them, all about the hosts who +received you, when you journeyed to Cerberus; tell me of them as well as +of the harbours, the bakeries, the brothels, the drinking-shops, the +fountains, the roads, the eating-houses and of the hostels where there +are the fewest bugs. + +XANTHIAS. They never speak of me.[403] + +HERACLES. Go down to hell? Will you be ready to dare that, you madman? + +DIONYSUS. Enough of that; but tell me the shortest road, that is neither +too hot nor too cold, to get down to Pluto. + +HERACLES. Let me see, what is the best road to show you? Aye, which? Ah! +there's the road of the gibbet and the rope. Go and hang yourself. + +DIONYSUS. Be silent! your road is choking me. + +HERACLES. There is another path, both very short and well-trodden; the +one that goes through the mortar.[404] + +DIONYSUS. 'Tis hemlock you mean to say. + +HERACLES. Precisely so. + +DIONYSUS. That road is both cold and icy. Your legs get frozen at +once.[405] + +HERACLES. Do you want me to tell you a very steep road, one that descends +very quickly? + +DIONYSUS. Ah! with all my heart; I don't like long walks. + +HERACLES. Go to the Ceramicus.[406] + +DIONYSUS. And then? + +HERACLES. Mount to the top of the highest tower ... + +DIONYSUS. To do what? + +HERACLES. ... and there keep your eye on the torch, which is to be the +signal. When the spectators demand it to be flung, fling yourself ... + +DIONYSUS. Where? + +HERACLES. ... down. + +DIONYSUS. But I should break the two hemispheres of my brain. Thanks for +your road, but I don't want it. + +HERACLES. But which one then? + +DIONYSUS. The one you once travelled yourself. + +HERACLES. Ah! that's a long journey. First you will reach the edge of the +vast, deep mere of Acheron. + +DIONYSUS. And how is that to be crossed? + +HERACLES. There is an ancient ferryman, Charon by name, who will pass you +over in his little boat for a diobolus. + +DIONYSUS. Oh! what might the diobolus has everywhere! But however has it +got as far as that? + +HERACLES. 'Twas Theseus who introduced its vogue.[407] After that you +will see snakes and all sorts of fearful monsters ... + +DIONYSUS. Oh! don't try to frighten me and make me afraid, for I am quite +decided. + +HERACLES. ... then a great slough with an eternal stench, a veritable +cesspool, into which those are plunged who have wronged a guest, cheated +a young boy out of the fee for his complaisance, beaten their mother, +boxed their father's ears, taken a false oath or transcribed some tirade +of Morsimus.[408] + +DIONYSUS. For mercy's sake, add likewise--or learnt the Pyrrhic dance of +Cinesias.[409] + +HERACLES. Further on 'twill be a gentle concert of flutes on every side, +a brilliant light, just as there is here, myrtle groves, bands of happy +men and women and noisy plaudits. + +DIONYSUS. Who are these happy folk? + +HERACLES. The initiate.[410] + +XANTHIAS. And I am the ass that carries the Mysteries;[411] but I've had +enough of it. + +HERACLES. They will give you all the information you will need, for they +live close to Pluto's palace, indeed on the road that leads to it. +Farewell, brother, and an agreeable journey to you. (_He returns into his +Temple._) + +DIONYSUS. And you, good health. Slave! take up your load again. + +XANTHIAS. Before having laid it down? + +DIONYSUS. And be quick about it too. + +XANTHIAS. Oh, no, I adjure you! Rather hire one of the dead, who is going +to Hades. + +DIONYSUS. And should I not find one.... + +XANTHIAS. Then you can take me. + +DIONYSUS. You talk sense. Ah! here they are just bringing a dead man +along. Hi! man, 'tis you I'm addressing, you, dead fellow there! Will you +carry a package to Pluto for me? + +DEAD MAN. Is't very heavy? + +DIONYSUS. This. (_He shows him the baggage, which Xanthias has laid on +the ground._) + +DEAD MAN. You will pay me two drachmae. + +DIONYSUS. Oh! that's too dear. + +DEAD MAN. Well then, bearers, move on. + +DIONYSUS. Stay, friend, so that I may bargain with you. + +DEAD MAN. Give me two drachmae, or it's no deal. + +DIONYSUS. Hold! here are nine obols. + +DEAD MAN. I would sooner go back to earth again. + +XANTHIAS. Is that cursed rascal putting on airs? Come, then, I'll go. + +DIONYSUS. You're a good and noble fellow. Let us make the best of our way +to the boat. + +CHARON. Ahoy, ahoy! put ashore. + +XANTHIAS. What's that? + +DIONYSUS. Why, by Zeus, 'tis the mere of which Heracles spoke, and I see +the boat. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! there's Charon. + +DIONYSUS. Hail! Charon. + +DEAD MAN. Hail! Charon. + +CHARON. Who comes hither from the home of cares and misfortunes to rest +on the banks of Lethé? Who comes to the ass's fleece, who is for the land +of the Cerberians, or the crows, or Taenarus? + +DIONYSUS. I am. + +CHARON. Get aboard quick then. + +DIONYSUS. Where will you ferry me to? Where are you going to land me? + +CHARON. In hell, if you wish. But step in, do. + +DIONYSUS. Come here, slave. + +CHARON. I carry no slave, unless he has fought at sea to save his skin. + +XANTHIAS. But I could not, for my eyes were bad. + +CHARON. Well then! be off and walk round the mere. + +XANTHIAS. Where shall I come to a halt? + +CHARON. At the stone of Auaenus, near the drinking-shop. + +DIONYSUS. Do you understand? + +XANTHIAS. Perfectly. Oh! unhappy wretch that I am, surely, surely I must +have met something of evil omen as I came out of the house?[412] + +CHARON. Come, sit to your oar. If there be anyone else who wants to +cross, let him hurry. Hullo! what are you doing? + +DIONYSUS. What am I doing? I am sitting on the oar[413] as you told me. + +CHARON. Will you please have the goodness to place yourself there, +pot-belly? + +DIONYSUS. There. + +CHARON. Put out your hands, stretch your arms. + +DIONYSUS. There. + +CHARON. No tomfoolery! row hard, and put some heart into the work! + +DIONYSUS. Row! and how can I? I, who have never set foot on a ship? + +CHARON. There's nothing easier; and once you're at work, you will hear +some enchanting singers. + +DIONYSUS. Who are they? + +CHARON. Frogs with the voices of swans; 'tis most delightful. + +DIONYSUS. Come, set the stroke. + +CHARON. Yo ho! yo ho! + +FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax, brekekekekex, coax. Slimy offspring of the +marshland, let our harmonious voices mingle with the sounds of the flute, +coax, coax! let us repeat the songs that we sing in honour of the Nysaean +Dionysus[414] on the day of the feast of pots,[415] when the drunken +throng reels towards our temple in the Limnae.[416] Brekekekex, coax, +coax. + +DIONYSUS. I am beginning to feel my bottom getting very sore, my dear +little coax, coax. + +FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax. + +DIONYSUS. But doubtless you don't care. + +FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax. + +DIONYSUS. May you perish with your coax, your endless coax! + +FROGS. And why change it, you great fool? I am beloved by the Muses with +the melodious lyre, by the goat-footed Pan, who draws soft tones out of +his reed; I am the delight of Apollo, the god of the lyre, because I make +the rushes, which are used for the bridge of the lyre, grow in my +marshes. Brekekekex, coax, coax. + +DIONYSUS. I have got blisters and my behind is all of a sweat; by dint of +constant movement, it will soon be saying.... + +FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax. + +DIONYSUS. Come, race of croakers, be quiet. + +FROGS. Not we; we shall only cry the louder. On fine sunny days, it +pleases us to hop through galingale and sedge and to sing while we swim; +and when Zeus is pouring down his rain, we join our lively voices to the +rustle of the drops. Brekekekex, coax, coax. + +DIONYSUS. I forbid you to do it. + +FROGS. Oh! that would be too hard! + +DIONYSUS. And is it not harder for me to wear myself out with rowing? + +FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax. + +DIONYSUS. May you perish! I don't care. + +FROGS. And from morning till night we will shriek with the whole width of +our gullets, "Brekekekex, coax, coax." + +DIONYSUS. I will cry louder than you all. + +FROGS. Oh! don't do that! + +DIONYSUS. Oh, yes, I will. I shall cry the whole day, if necessary, until +I no longer hear your coax. (_He begins to cry against the frogs, who +finally stop._) Ah! I knew I would soon put an end to your coax. + +CHARON. Enough, enough, a last pull, ship oars, step ashore and pay your +passage money. + +DIONYSUS. Look! here are my two obols.... Xanthias! where is Xanthias? +Hi! Xanthias! + +XANTHIAS (_from a distance_). Hullo! + +DIONYSUS. Come here. + +XANTHIAS. I greet you, master. + +DIONYSUS. What is there that way? + +XANTHIAS. Darkness and mud! + +DIONYSUS. Did you see the parricides and the perjured he told us of? + +XANTHIAS. Did you? + +DIONYSUS. Ha! by Posidon! I see some of them now.[417] Well, what are we +going to do? + +XANTHIAS. The best is to go on, for 'tis here that the horrible monsters +are, Heracles told us of. + +DIONYSUS. Ah! the wag! He spun yarns to frighten me, but I am a brave +fellow and he is jealous of me. There exists no greater braggart than +Heracles. Ah! I wish I might meet some monster, so as to distinguish +myself by some deed of daring worthy of my daring journey. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! hark! I hear a noise. + +DIONYSUS (_all of a tremble_). Where then, where? + +XANTHIAS. Behind you. + +DIONYSUS. Place yourself behind me. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! 'tis in front now. + +DIONYSUS. Then pass to the front. + +XANTHIAS. Oh! what a monster I can see! + +DIONYSUS. What's it like? + +XANTHIAS. Dreadful, terrible! it assumes every shape; now 'tis a bull, +then a mule; again it is a most beautiful woman. + +DIONYSUS. Where is she that I may run toward her? + +XANTHIAS. The monster is no longer a woman; 'tis now a dog. + +DIONYSUS. Then it is the Empusa.[418] + +XANTHIAS. Its whole face is ablaze. + +DIONYSUS. And it has a brazen leg? + +XANTHIAS. Aye, i' faith! and the other is an ass's leg,[419] rest well +assured of that. + +DIONYSUS. Where shall I fly to? + +XANTHIAS. And I? + +DIONYSUS. Priest,[420] save me, that I may drink with you. + +XANTHIAS. Oh! mighty Heracles! we are dead men. + +DIONYSUS. Silence! I adjure you. Don't utter that name. + +XANTHIAS. Well then, we are dead men, Dionysus! + +DIONYSUS. That still less than the other. + +XANTHIAS. Keep straight on, master, here, here, this way. + +DIONYSUS. Well? + +XANTHIAS. Be at ease, all goes well and we can say with Hegelochus, +"After the storm, I see the return of the _cat_."[421] The Empusa has +gone. + +DIONYSUS. Swear it to me. + +XANTHIAS. By Zeus! + +DIONYSUS. Swear it again. + +XANTHIAS. By Zeus! + +DIONYSUS. Once more. + +XANTHIAS. By Zeus! + +DIONYSUS. Oh! my god! how white I went at the sight of the Empusa! But +yonder fellow got red instead, so horribly afraid was he![422] Alas! to +whom do I owe this terrible meeting? What god shall I accuse of having +sought my death? Might it be "the Aether, the dwelling of Zeus," or "the +wing of Time"?[423] + +XANTHIAS. Hist! + +DIONYSUS. What's the matter? + +XANTHIAS. Don't you hear? + +DIONYSUS. What then? + +XANTHIAS. The sound of flutes. + +DIONYSUS. Aye, certainly, and the wind wafts a smell of torches hither, +which bespeaks the Mysteries a league away. But make no noise; let us +hide ourselves and listen. + +CHORUS.[424] Iacchus, oh! Iacchus! Iacchus, oh! Iacchus! + +XANTHIAS. Master, these are the initiates, of whom Heracles spoke and who +are here at their sports; they are incessantly singing of Iacchus, just +like Diagoras.[425] + +DIONYSUS. I believe you are right, but 'tis best to keep ourselves quiet +till we get better information. + +CHORUS. Iacchus, venerated god, hasten at our call. Iacchus, oh! Iacchus! +come into this meadow, thy favourite resting-place; come to direct the +sacred choirs of the Initiate; may a thick crown of fruit-laden myrtle +branches rest on thy head and may thy bold foot step this free and joyful +dance, taught us by the Graces--this pure, religious measure, that our +sacred choirs rehearse. + +XANTHIAS. Oh! thou daughter of Demeter, both mighty and revered, what a +delicious odour of pork! + +DIONYSUS. Cannot you keep still then, fellow, once you get a whiff of a +bit of tripe? + +CHORUS. Brandish the flaming torches and so revive their brilliancy. +Iacchus, oh! Iacchus! bright luminary of our nocturnal Mysteries. The +meadow sparkles with a thousand fires; the aged shake off the weight of +cares and years; they have once more found limbs of steel, wherewith to +take part in thy sacred measures; and do thou, blessed deity, lead the +dances of youth upon this dewy carpet of flowers with a torch in thine +hand. + +Silence, make way for our choirs, you profane and impure souls, who have +neither been present at the festivals of the noble Muses, nor ever footed +a dance in their honour, and who are not initiated into the mysterious +language of the dithyrambs of the voracious Cratinus;[426] away from here +he who applauds misplaced buffoonery. Away from here the bad citizen, who +for his private ends fans and nurses the flame of sedition, the chief who +sells himself, when his country is weathering the storms, and surrenders +either fortresses or ships; who, like Thorycion,[427] the wretched +collector of tolls, sends prohibited goods from Aegina to Epidaurus, such +as oar-leathers, sailcloth and pitch, and who secures a subsidy for a +hostile fleet,[428] or soils the statues of Hecaté,[429] while he is +humming some dithyramb. Away from here, the orator who nibbles at the +salary of the poets, because he has been scouted in the ancient +solemnities of Dionysus; to all such I say, and I repeat, and I say it +again for the third time, "Make way for the choruses of the Initiate." +But you, raise you your voice anew; resume your nocturnal hymns as it is +meet to do at this festival. + +Let each one advance boldly into the retreats of our flowery meads, let +him mingle in our dances, let him give vent to jesting, to wit and to +satire. Enough of junketing, lead forward! let our voices praise the +divine protectress[430] with ardent love, yea! praise her, who promises +to assure the welfare of this country for ever, in spite of Thorycion. + +Let our hymns now be addressed to Demeter, the Queen of Harvest, the +goddess crowned with ears of corn; to her be dedicated the strains of our +divine concerts. Oh! Demeter, who presidest over the pure mysteries, help +us and protect thy choruses; far from all danger, may I continually yield +myself to sports and dancing, mingle laughter with seriousness, as is +fitting at thy festivals, and as the reward for my biting sarcasms may I +wreathe my head with the triumphal fillets. And now let our songs summon +hither the lovable goddess, who so often joins in our dances. + +Oh, venerated Dionysus, who hast created such soft melodies for this +festival, come to accompany us to the goddess, show that you can traverse +a long journey without wearying.[431] Dionysus, the king of the dance, +guide my steps. 'Tis thou who, to raise a laugh and for the sake of +economy,[432] hast torn our sandals and our garments; let us bound, let +us dance at our pleasure, for we have nothing to spoil. Dionysus, king of +the dance, guide my steps. Just now I saw through a corner of my eye a +ravishing young girl, the companion of our sports; I saw the nipple of +her bosom peeping through a rent in her tunic. Dionysus, king of the +dance, guide my steps. + +DIONYSUS. Aye, I like to mingle with these choruses; I would fain dance +and sport with that young girl. + +XANTHIAS. And I too. + +CHORUS. Would you like us to mock together at Archidemus? He is still +awaiting his seven-year teeth to have himself entered as a citizen;[433] +but he is none the less a chief of the people among the Athenians and the +greatest rascal of 'em all. I am told that Clisthenes is tearing the hair +out of his rump and lacerating his cheeks on the tomb of Sebinus, the +Anaphlystian;[434] with his forehead against the ground, he is beating +his bosom and groaning and calling him by name. As for Callias,[435] the +illustrious son of Hippobinus, the new Heracles, he is fighting a +terrible battle of love on his galleys; dressed up in a lion's skin, he +fights a fierce naval battle--with the girls' cunts. + +DIONYSUS. Could you tell us where Pluto dwells? We are strangers and have +just arrived. + +CHORUS. Go no farther, and know without further question that you are at +his gates. + +DIONYSUS. Slave, pick up your baggage. + +XANTHIAS. This wretched baggage, 'tis like Corinth, the daughter of Zeus, +for it's always in his mouth.[436] + +CHORUS. And now do ye, who take part in this religious festival, dance a +gladsome round in the flowery grove in honour of the goddess.[437] + +DIONYSUS. As for myself, I will go with the young girls and the women +into the enclosure, where the nocturnal ceremonies are held; 'tis I will +bear the sacred torch. + +CHORUS. Let us go into the meadows, that are sprinkled with roses, to +form, according to our rites, the graceful choirs, over which the blessed +Fates preside. 'Tis for us alone that the sun doth shine; his glorious +rays illumine the Initiate, who have led the pious life, that is equally +dear to strangers and citizens. + +DIONYSUS. Come now! how should we knock at this door? How do the dwellers +in these parts knock? + +XANTHIAS. Lose no time and attack the door with vigour, if you have the +courage of Heracles as well as his costume. + +DIONYSUS. Ho! there! Slave! + +AEACUS. Who's there? + +DIONYSUS. Heracles, the bold. + +AEACUS. Ah! wretched, impudent, shameless, threefold rascal, the most +rascally of rascals. Ah! 'tis you who hunted out our dog Cerberus, whose +keeper I was! But I have got you to-day; and the black stones of Styx, +the rocks of Acheron, from which the blood is dripping, and the roaming +dogs of Cocytus shall account to me for you; the hundred-headed Hydra +shall tear your sides to pieces; the Tartessian Muraena[438] shall fasten +itself on your lungs and the Tithrasian[439] Gorgons shall tear your +kidneys and your gory entrails to shreds; I will go and fetch them as +quickly as possible. + +XANTHIAS. Eh! what are you doing there? + +DIONYSUS (_stooping down_). I have just shit myself! Invoke the god.[440] + +XANTHIAS. Get up at once. How a stranger would laugh, if he saw you. + +DIONYSUS. Ah! I'm fainting. Place a sponge on my heart. + +XANTHIAS. Here, take it. + +DIONYSUS. Place it yourself. + +XANTHIAS. But where? Good gods, where _is_ your heart? + +DIONYSUS. It has sunk into my shoes with fear. (_Takes his slave's hand +holding the sponge, and applies it to his bottom._) + +XANTHIAS. Oh! you most cowardly of gods and men! + +DIONYSUS. What! I cowardly? I, who have asked you for a sponge! 'Tis what +no one else would have done. + +XANTHIAS. How so? + +DIONYSUS. A poltroon would have fallen backwards, being overcome with the +fumes; as for me, I got up and moreover I wiped myself clean. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! by Posidon! a wonderful feat of intrepidity! + +DIONYSUS. Aye, certainly. And you did not tremble at the sound of his +threatening words? + +XANTHIAS. They never troubled me. + +DIONYSUS. Well then, since you are so brave and fearless, become what I +am, take this bludgeon and this lion's hide, you, whose heart has no +knowledge of fear; I, in return, will carry the baggage. + +XANTHIAS. Here, take it, take it quick! 'this my duty to obey you, and +behold, Heracles-Xanthias! Do I look like a coward of your kidney? + +DIONYSUS. No. You are the exact image of the god of Melité,[441] dressed +up as a rascal. Come, I will take the baggage. + +FEMALE ATTENDANT OF PERSEPHONÉ. Ah! is it you then, beloved Heracles? +Come in. As soon as ever the goddess, my mistress Persephoné, knew of +your arrival, she quickly had the bread into the oven and clapped two or +three pots of bruised peas upon the fire; she has had a whole bullock +roasted and both cakes and rolled backed. Come in quick! + +XANTHIAS. No, thank you. + +ATTENDANT. Oh! by Apollo! I shall not let you off. She has also had +poultry boiled for you, sweetmeats makes, and has prepared you some +delicious wine. Come then, enter with me. + +XANTHIAS. I am much obliged. + +ATTENDANT. Are you mad? I will not let you go. There is likewise and +enchanted flute-girl specially for you, and two or three dancing wenches. + +XANTHIAS. What do you say? Dancing wenches? + +ATTENDANT. In the prime of their life and all freshly depilated. Come, +enter, for the cook was going to take the fish off the fire and the table +was being spread. + +XANTHIAS. Very well then! Run in quickly and tell the dancing-girls I am +coming. Slave! pick up the baggage and follow me. + +DIONYSUS. Not so fast! Oh! indeed! I disguise you as Heracles for a joke +and you take the thing seriously! None of your nonsense, Xanthias! Take +back the baggage. + +XANTHIAS. What? You are not thinking of taking back what you gave me +yourself? + +DIONYSUS. No, I don't think about it; I do it. Off with that skin! + +XANTHIAS. Witness how i am treated, ye great dogs, and be my judges! + +DIONYSUS. What gods? Are you so stupid, such a fool? How can you, a slave +and a mortal, be the son of Alcmena? + +XANTHIAS. Come then! 'tis well! take them. But perhaps you will be +needing me one day, an it please the gods. + +CHORUS. 'Tis the act of a wise and sensible man, who has done much +sailing, always to trim his sail towards the quarter whence the fair wind +wafts, rather than stand stiff and motionless like a god Terminus.[442] +To change your part to serve your own interest is to act like a clever +man, a true Theramenes.[443] + +DIONYSUS. Faith! 'twould be funny indeed if Xanthias, a slave, were +indolently stretched out on purple cushions and fucking the dancing-girl; +if he were then to ask me for a pot, while I, looking on, would be +rubbing my tool, and this master rogue, on seeing it, were to know out my +front teeth with a blow of his fist. + +FIRST INKEEPER'S WIFE. Here! Plathané, Plathané! do come! here is the +rascal who once came into our shop and ate up sixteen loaves for us. + +SECOND INKEEPER'S WIFE. Aye, truly, 'tis he himself! + +XANTHIAS. This is turning out rough for somebody. + +FIRST WIFE. And besides that, twenty pieces of boiled meat at half an +obolus apiece. + +XANTHIAS. There's someone going to get punished. + +FIRST WIFE. And I don't know how many cloves of garlic. + +DIONYSUS. You are rambling, my dear, you don't know what you are saying. + +FIRST WIFE. Hah! you thought I should not know you, because of your +buskins! And then all the salt fish, I had forgotten that! + +SECOND WIFE. And then, alas! the fresh cheese that he devoured, osier +baskets and all! Ten, when I asked for my money, he started to roar and +shoot terrible looks at me. + +XANTHIAS. As! I recognize him well by that token; 'tis just his way. + +SECOND WIFE. And he drew out his sword like a madman. + +FIRST WIFE. By the gods, yes. + +SECOND WIFE. Terrified to death, we clambered up to the upper storey, and +he fled at top speed, carrying off our baskets with him. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! this is again his style! But you ought to take action. + +FIRST WIFE. Run quick and call Cleon, my patron. + +SECOND WIFE. And you, should you run against Hyperbolus,[444] bring him +to me; we will knock the life out of our robber. + +FIRST WIFE. Oh! you miserable glutton! how I should delight in breaking +those grinders of yours, which devoured my goods! + +SECOND WIFE. And I in hurling you into the malefactor's pit. + +FIRST WIFE. And I in slitting with one stroke of the sickle that gullet +that bolted down the tripe. But I am going to fetch Cleon; he shall +summon you before the court this very day and force you to disgorge. + +DIONYSUS. May I die, if Xanthias is not my dearest friend. + +XANTHIAS. Can I be the son of Alcmena, I, a slave and a mortal? + +DIONYSUS. I know, I know, that you are in a fury and you have the right +to be; you can even beat me and I will not reply. But if I ever take this +costume from you again, may I die of the most fearful torture--I, my +wife, my children, all those who belong to me, down to the very last, and +blear-eyed Archidemus[445] into the bargain. + +XANTHIAS. I accept your oath, and on those terms I agree. + +CHORUS. 'Tis now your cue, since you have resumed the dress, to act the +brave and to throw terror into your glance, thus recalling the god whom +you represent. But if you play your part badly, if you yield to any +weakness, you will again have to load your shoulders with the baggage. + +XANTHIAS. Friends, your advice is good, but I was thinking the same +myself; if there is any good to be got, my master will again want to +despoil me of this costume, of that I am quite certain. Ne'ertheless, I +am going to show a fearless heart and shoot forth ferocious looks. And +lo! the time for it has come, for I hear a noise at the door. + +AEACUS (_to his slaves_). Bind me this dog-thief,[446] that he may be +punished. Hurry yourselves, hurry! + +DIONYSUS. This is going to turn out badly for someone. + +XANTHIAS. Look to yourselves and don't come near me. + +AEACUS. Hah! you would show fight! Ditylas, Sceblyas, Pardocas,[447] come +here and have at him! + +DIONYSUS. Ah! you would strike him because he has stolen! + +XANTHIAS. 'Tis horrible! + +DIONYSUS. 'Tis a revolting cruelty! + +XANTHIAS. By Zeus! may I die, if I ever came here or stole from you the +value of a pin! But I will act nobly; take this slave, put him to the +question, and if you obtain the proof of my guilt, put me to death. + +AEACUS. In what manner shall I put him to the question? + +XANTHIAS. In every manner; you may lash him to the wooden horse, hang +him, cut him open with scourging, flay him, twist his limbs, pour vinegar +down his nostrils, load him with bricks, anything you like; only don't +beat him with leeks or fresh garlic.[448] + +AEACUS. 'Tis well conceived; but if the blows maim your slave, you will +be claiming damages from me. + +XANTHIAS. No, certainly not! set about putting him to the question. + +AEACUS. It shall be done here, for I wish him to speak in your presence. +Come, put down your pack, and be careful not to lie. + +DIONYSUS. I forbid you to torture me, for I am immortal; if you dare it, +woe to you! + +AEACUS. What say you? + +DIONYSUS. I say that I am an immortal, Dionysus, the son of Zeus, and +that this fellow is only a slave. + +AEACUS (_to Xanthias_). D'you hear him? + +XANTHIAS. Yes. 'Tis all the better reason for beating him with rods, for, +if he is a god, he will not feel the blows. + +DIONYSUS (_to Xanthias_). + +But why, pray, since you also claim to be a god, should you not be beaten +like myself? + +XANTHIAS (_to Aeacus_). + +That's fair. Very well then, whichever of us two you first see crying and +caring for the blows, him believe not to be a god. + + +AEACUS. 'Tis spoken like a brave fellow; you don't refuse what is right. +Strip yourselves. + +XANTHIAS. To do the thing fairly, how do you propose to act? + +AEACUS. Oh! that's easy. I shall hit you one after the other. + +XANTHIAS. Well thought of. + +AEACUS. There! (_He strikes Xanthias_.) + +XANTHIAS. Watch if you see me flinch. + +AEACUS. I have already struck you. + +XANTHIAS. No, you haven't. + +AEACUS. Why, you have not felt it at all, I think. Now for t'other one. + +DIONYSUS. Be quick about it. + +AEACUS. But I have struck you. + +DIONYSUS. Ah! I did not even sneeze. How is that? + +AEACUS. I don't know; come, I will return to the first one. + +XANTHIAS. Get it over. Oh, oh! + +AEACUS. What does that "oh, oh!" mean? Did it hurt you? + +XANTHIAS. Oh, no! but I was thinking of the feasts of Heracles, which are +being held at Diomeia.[449] + +AEACUS. Oh! what a pious fellow! I pass on to the other again. + +DIONYSUS. Oh! oh! + +AEACUS. What's wrong? + +DIONYSUS. I see some knights.[450] + +AEACUS. Why are you weeping? + +DIONYSUS. Because I can smell onions. + +AEACUS. Ha! so you don't care a fig for the blows? + +DIONYSUS. Not the least bit in the world. + +AEACUS. Well, let us proceed. Your turn now. + +XANTHIAS. Oh, I say! + +AEACUS. What's the matter? + +XANTHIAS. Pull out this thorn.[451] + +AEACUS. What? Now the other one again. + +DIONYSUS. "Oh, Apollo!... King of Delos and Delphi!" + +XANTHIAS. He felt that. Do you hear? + +DIONYSUS. Why, no! I was quoting an iambic of Hipponax. + +XANTHIAS. 'Tis labour in vain. Come, smite his flanks. + +AEACUS. No, present your belly. + +DIONYSUS. Oh, Posidon ... + +XANTHIAS. Ah! here's someone who's feeling it. + +DIONYSUS. ... who reignest on the Aegean headland and in the depths of +the azure sea.[452] + +AEACUS. By Demeter, I cannot find out which of you is the god. But come +in; the master and Persephoné will soon tell you, for they are gods +themselves. + +DIONYSUS. You are quite right; but you should have thought of that before +you beat us. + +CHORUS. Oh! Muse, take part in our sacred choruses; our songs will +enchant you and you shall see a people of wise men, eager for a nobler +glory than that of Cleophon,[453] the braggart, the swallow, who deafens +us with his hoarse cries, while perched upon a Thracian tree. He whines +in his barbarian tongue and repeats the lament of Philomela with good +reason, for even if the votes were equally divided, he would have to +perish.[454] + +The sacred chorus owes the city its opinion and its wise lessons. First I +demand that equality be restored among the citizens, so that none may be +disquieted. If there be any whom the artifices of Phrynichus have drawn +into any error,[455] let us allow them to offer their excuses and let us +forget these old mistakes. Furthermore, that there be not a single +citizen in Athens who is deprived of his rights; otherwise would it not +be shameful to see slaves become masters and treated as honourably as +Plataeans, because they helped in a single naval fight?[456] Not that I +censure this step, for, on the contrary I approve it; 'tis the sole thing +you have done that is sensible. But those citizens, both they and their +fathers, have so often fought with you and are allied to you by ties of +blood, so ought you not to listen to their prayers and pardon them their +single fault? Nature has given you wisdom, therefore let your anger cool +and let all those who have fought together on Athenian galleys live in +brotherhood and as fellow-citizens, enjoying the same equal rights; to +show ourselves proud and intractable about granting the rights of the +city, especially at a time when we are riding at the mercy of the +waves,[457] is a folly, of which we shall later repent. + +If I am adept at reading the destiny or the soul of a man, the fatal hour +for little Cligenes[458] is near, that unbearable ape, the greatest rogue +of all the washermen, who use a mixture of ashes and Cimolian earth and +call it potash.[458] He knows it; hence he is always armed for war; for +he fears, if he ventures forth without his bludgeon, he would be stripped +of his clothes when he is drunk. + +I have often noticed that there are good and honest citizens in Athens, +who are as old gold is to new money. The ancient coins are excellent in +point of standard; they are assuredly the best of all moneys; they alone +are well struck and give a pure ring; everywhere they obtain currency, +both in Greece and in strange lands; yet we make no use of them and +prefer those bad copper pieces quite recently issued and so wretchedly +struck. Exactly in the same way do we deal with our citizens. If we know +them to be well-born, sober, brave, honest, adepts in the exercises of +the gymnasium and in the liberal arts, they are the butts of our +contumely and we have only a use for the petty rubbish, consisting of +strangers, slaves and low-born folk not worth a whit more, mushrooms of +yesterday, whom formerly Athens would not have even wanted as scapegoats. +Madmen, do change your ways at last; employ the honest men afresh; if you +are fortunate through doing this, 'twill be but right, and if Fate +betrays you, the wise will at least praise you for having fallen +honourably. + +AEACUS. By Zeus, the Deliverer! what a brave man your master is. + +XANTHIAS. A brave man! I should think so indeed, for he only knows how to +drink and to make love! + +AEACUS. He has convicted you of lying and did not thrash the impudent +rascal who had dared to call himself the master. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! he would have rued it if he had. + +AEACUS. Well spoken! that's a reply that does a slave credit; 'tis thus +that I like to act too. + +XANTHIAS. How, pray? + +AEACUS. I am beside myself with joy, when I can curse my master in +secret. + +XANTHIAS. And when you go off grumbling, after having been well thrashed? + +AEACUS. I am delighted. + +XANTHIAS. And when you make yourself important? + +AEACUS. I know of nothing sweeter. + +XANTHIAS. Ah! by Zeus! we are brothers. And when you are listening to +what your masters are saying? + +AEACUS. 'Tis a pleasure that drives me to distraction. + +XANTHIAS. And when you repeat it to strangers? + +AEACUS. Oh! I feel as happy as if I were emitting semen. + +XANTHIAS. By Phoebus Apollo! reach me your hand; come hither, that I may +embrace you; and, in the name of Zeus, the Thrashed one, tell me what all +this noise means, these shouts, these quarrels, that I can hear going on +inside yonder. + +AEACUS. 'Tis Aeschylus and Euripides. + +XANTHIAS. What do you mean? + +AEACUS. The matter is serious, very serious indeed; all Hades is in +commotion. + +XANTHIAS. What's it all about? + +AEACUS. We have a law here, according to which, whoever in each of the +great sciences and liberal arts beats all his rivals, is fed at the +Prytaneum and sits at Pluto's side ... + +XANTHIAS. I know that. + +AEACUS. ... until someone cleverer than he in the same style of thing +comes along; then he has to give way to him. + +XANTHIAS. And how has this law disturbed Aeschylus? + +AEACUS. He held the chair for tragedy, as being the greatest in his art. + +XANTHIAS. And who has it now? + +AEACUS. When Euripides descended here, he started reciting his verses to +the cheats, cut-purses, parricides, and brigands, who abound in Hades; +his supple and tortuous reasonings filled them with enthusiasm, and they +pronounced him the cleverest by far. So Euripides, elated with pride, +took possession of the throne on which Aeschylus was installed. + +XANTHIAS. And did he not get stoned? + +AEACUS. No, but the folk demanded loudly that a regular trial should +decide to which of the two the highest place belonged. + +XANTHIAS. What folk? this mob of rascals? (_Points to the spectators._) + +AEACUS. Their clamour reached right up to heaven. + +XANTHIAS. And had Aeschylus not his friends too? + +AEACUS. Good people are very scarce here, just the same as on earth. + +XANTHIAS. What does Pluto reckon to do? + +AEACUS. To open a contest as soon as possible; the two rivals will show +their skill, and finally a verdict will be given. + +XANTHIAS. What! has not Sophocles also claimed the chair then? + +AEACUS. No, no! he embraced Aeschylus and shook his hand, when he came +down; he could have taken the seat, for Aeschylus vacated it for him; but +according to Clidemides,[459] he prefers to act as his second; if +Aeschylus triumphs, he will stay modestly where he is, but if not, he has +declared that he will contest the prize with Euripides. + +XANTHIAS. When is the contest to begin? + +AEACUS. Directly! the battle royal is to take place on this very spot. +Poetry is to be weighed in the scales. + +XANTHIAS. What? How can tragedy be weighed? + +AEACUS. They will bring rulers and compasses to measure the words, and +those forms which are used for moulding bricks, also diameter measures +and wedges, for Euripides says he wishes to torture every verse of his +rival's tragedies. + +XANTHIAS. If I mistake not, Aeschylus must be in a rage. + +AEACUS. With lowered head he glares fiercely like a bull. + +XANTHIAS. And who will be the judge? + +AEACUS. The choice was difficult; it was seen that there was a dearth of +able men. Aeschylus took exception to the Athenians ... + +XANTHIAS. No doubt he thought there were too many thieves among them. + +AEACUS. ... and moreover believed them too light-minded to judge of a +poet's merits. Finally they fell back upon your master, because he +understands tragic poetry.[460] But let us go in; when the masters are +busy, we must look out for blows! + +CHORUS. Ah! what fearful wrath will be surging in his heart! what a roar +there'll be when he sees the babbler who challenges him sharpening his +teeth! how savagely his eyes will roll! What a battle of words like +plumed helmets and waving crests hurling themselves against fragile +outbursts and wretched parings! We shall see the ingenious architect of +style defending himself against immense periods. Then, the close hairs of +his thick mane all a-bristle, the giant will knit his terrible brow; he +will pull out verses as solidly bolted together as the framework of a +ship and will hurl them forth with a roar, while the pretty speaker with +the supple and sharpened tongue, who weighs each syllable and submits +everything to the lash of his envy, will cut this grand style to +mincemeat and reduce to ruins this edifice erected by one good sturdy +puff of breath.[461] + +EURIPIDES (_to Dionysus_). Your advice is in vain, I shall not vacate the +chair, for I contend I am superior to him. + +DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, why do you keep silent? You understand what he says. + +EURIPIDES. He is going to stand on his dignity first; 'tis a trick he +never failed to use in his tragedies. + +DIONYSUS. My dear fellow, a little less arrogance, please. + +EURIPIDES. Oh! I know him for many a day. I have long had a thorough hold +of his ferocious heroes, for his high-flown language and of the monstrous +blustering words which his great, gaping mouth hurls forth thick and +close without curb or measure. + +AESCHYLUS. It is indeed you, the son of a rustic goddess,[462] who dare +to treat me thus, you, who only know how to collect together stupid +sayings and to stitch the rags of your beggars?[463] I shall make you rue +your insults. + +DIONYSUS. Enough said, Aeschylus, calm the wild wrath that is turning +your heart into a furnace. + +AESCHYLUS. No, not until I have clearly shown the true value of this +impudent fellow with his lame men.[464] + +DIONYSUS. A lamb, a black lamb! Slaves, bring it quickly, the storm-cloud +is about to burst.[465] + +AESCHYLUS. Shame on your Cretan monologues![466] Shame on the infamous +nuptials[467] that you introduce into the tragic art! + +DIONYSUS. Curb yourself, noble Aeschylus, and as for you, my poor +Euripides, be prudent, protect yourself from this hailstorm, or he may +easily in his rage hit you full in the temple with some terrible word, +that would let out your Telephus.[468] Come, Aeschylus, no flying into a +temper! discuss the question coolly; poets must not revile each other +like market wenches. Why, you shout at the very outset and burst out like +a pine that catches fire in the forest. + +EURIPIDES. I am ready for the contest and don't flinch; let him choose +the attack or the defence; let him discuss everything, the dialogue, the +choruses, the tragic genius, Peleus, Aeolus, Meleager[469] and especially +Telephus. + +DIONYSUS. And what do you propose to do, Aeschylus? Speak! + +AESCHYLUS. I should have wished not to maintain a contest that is not +equal or fair. + +DIONYSUS. Why not fair? + +AESCHYLUS. Because my poetry has outlived me, whilst his died with him +and he can use it against me. However, I submit to your ruling. + +DIONYSUS. Let incense and a brazier be brought, for I want to offer a +prayer to the gods. Thanks to their favour, may I be able to decide +between these ingenious rivals as a clever expert should! And do you sing +a hymn in honour of the Muses. + +CHORUS. Oh! ye chaste Muses, the daughters of Zeus, you who read the fine +and subtle minds of thought-makers when they enter upon a contest of +quibbles and tricks, look down on these two powerful athletes; inspire +them, one with mighty words and the other with odds and ends of verses. +Now the great mind contest is beginning. + +DIONYSUS. And do you likewise make supplication to the gods before +entering the lists. + +AESCHYLUS. Oh, Demeter! who hast formed my mind, may I be able to prove +myself worthy of thy Mysteries![470] + +DIONYSUS. And you, Euripides, prove yourself meet to sprinkle incense on +the brazier. + +EURIPIDES. Thanks, but I sacrifice to other gods.[471] + +DIONYSUS. To private gods of your own, which you have made after your own +image? + +EURIPIDES. Why, certainly! + +DIONYSUS. Well then, invoke your gods. + +EURIPIDES. Oh! thou Aether, on which I feed, oh! thou Volubility of +Speech, oh! Craftiness, oh! Subtle Scent! enable me to crush the +arguments of my opponent. + +CHORUS. We are curious to see upon what ground these clever tilters are +going to measure each other. Their tongue is keen, their wit is ready, +their heart is full of audacity. From the one we must expect both +elegance and polish of language, whereas the other, armed with his +ponderous words, will fall hip and thigh upon his foe and with a single +blow tear down and scatter all his vain devices. + +DIONYSUS. Come, be quick and speak and let your words be elegant, but +without false imagery or platitude. + +EURIPIDES. I shall speak later of my poetry, but I want first to prove +that Aeschylus is merely a wretched impostor; I shall relate by what +means he tricked a coarse audience, trained in the school of +Phrynichus.[472] First one saw some seated figure, who was veiled, some +Achilles or Niobé,[473] who then strutted about the stage, but neither +uncovered their face nor uttered a syllable. + +DIONYSUS. I' faith! that's true! + +EURIPIDES. Meanwhile, the Chorus would pour forth as many as four tirades +one after the other, without stopping, and the characters would still +maintain their stony silence. + +DIONYSUS. I liked their silence, and these mutes pleased me no less than +those characters that have such a heap to say nowadays. + +EURIPIDES. 'Tis because you were a fool, understand that well. + +DIONYSUS. Possibly; but what was his object? + +EURIPIDES. 'Twas pure quackery; in this way the spectator would sit +motionless, waiting, waiting for Niobé to say something, and the piece +would go running on. + +DIONYSUS. Oh! the rogue! how he deceived me! Well, Aeschylus, why are you +so restless? Why this impatience, eh? + +EURIPIDES. 'Tis because he sees himself beaten. Then when he had rambled +on well, and got half-way through the piece, he would spout some dozen +big, blustering, winged words, tall as mountains, terrible scarers, which +the spectator admired without understanding what they meant. + +DIONYSUS. Oh! great gods! + +AESCHYLUS. Silence! + +EURIPIDES. There was no comprehending one word. + +DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). Don't grind your teeth. + +EURIPIDES. There were Scamanders, abysses, griffins with eagles' beaks +chiselled upon brazen bucklers, all words with frowning crests and hard, +hard to understand. + +DIONYSUS. 'Faith, I was kept awake almost an entire night, trying to +think out his yellow bird, half cock and half horse.[474] + +AESCHYLUS. Why, fool, 'tis a device that is painted on the prow of a +vessel. + +DIONYSUS. Ah! I actually thought 'twas Eryxis, the son of +Philoxenus.[475] + +EURIPIDES. But what did you want with a cock in tragedy? + +AESCHYLUS. But you, you foe of the gods, what have you done that is so +good? + +EURIPIDES. Oh! I have not made horses with cocks' heads like you, nor +goats with deer's horns, as you may see 'em on Persian tapestries; but, +when I received tragedy from your hands, it was quite bloated with +enormous, ponderous words, and I began by lightening it of its heavy +baggage and treated it with little verses, with subtle arguments, with +the sap of white beet and decoctions of philosophical folly, the whole +being well filtered together;[476] then I fed it with monologues, mixing +in some Cephisophon;[477] but I did not chatter at random nor mix in any +ingredients that first came to hand; from the outset I made my subject +clear, and told the origin of the piece. + +AESCHYLUS. Well, that was better than telling your own.[478] + +EURIPIDES. Then, starting with the very first verse, each character +played his part; all spoke, both woman and slave and master, young girl +and old hag.[479] + +AESCHYLUS. And was not such daring deserving of death? + +EURIPIDES. No, by Apollo! 'twas to please the people. + +DIONYSUS. Oh! leave that alone, do; 'tis not the best side of your case. + +EURIPIDES. Furthermore, I taught the spectators the art of speech ... + +AESCHYLUS. 'Tis true indeed! Would that you had burst before you did it! + +EURIPIDES. ... the use of the straight lines and of the corners of +language, the science of thinking, of reading, of understanding, +plotting, loving deceit, of suspecting evil, of thinking of +everything.... + +AESCHYLUS. Oh! true, true again! + +EURIPIDES. I introduced our private life upon the stage, our common +habits; and 'twas bold of me, for everyone was at home with these and +could be my critic; I did not burst out into big noisy words to prevent +their comprehension; nor did I terrify the audience by showing them +Cycni[480] and Memnons[481] on chariots harnessed with steeds and +jingling bells. Look at his disciples and look at mine. His are +Phormisius and Megaenetus of Magnesia[482], all a-bristle with long +beards, spears and trumpets, and grinning with sardonic and ferocious +laughter, while my disciples are Clitophon and the graceful +Theramenes.[483] + +DIONYSUS. Theramenes? An able man and ready for anything; a man, who in +imminent dangers knew well how to get out of the scrape by saying he was +from Chios and not from Ceos.[484] + +EURIPIDES. 'Tis thus that I taught my audience how to judge, namely, by +introducing the art of reasoning and considering into tragedy. Thanks to +me, they understand everything, discern all things, conduct their +households better and ask themselves, "What is to be thought of this? +Where is that? Who has taken the other thing?" + +DIONYSUS. Yes, certainly, and now every Athenian who returns home, bawls +to his slaves, "Where is the stew-pot? Who has eaten off the sprat's +head? Where is the clove of garlic that was left over from yesterday? Who +has been nibbling at my olives?" Whereas formerly they kept their seats +with mouths agape like fools and idiots. + +CHORUS. You hear him, illustrious Achilles,[485] and what are you going +to reply? Only take care that your rage does not lead you astray, for he +has handled you brutally. My noble friend, don't get carried away; furl +all your sails, except the top-gallants, so that your ship may only +advance slowly, until you feel yourself driven forward by a soft and +favourable wind. Come then, you who were the first of the Greeks to +construct imposing monuments of words and to raise the old tragedy above +childish trifling, open a free course to the torrent of your words. + +AESCHYLUS. This contest rouses my gall; my heart is boiling over with +wrath. Am I bound to dispute with this fellow? But I will not let him +think me unarmed and helpless. So, answer me! what is it in a poet one +admires? + +EURIPIDES. Wise counsels, which make the citizens better. + +AESCHYLUS. And if you have failed in this duty, if out of honest and +pure-minded men you have made rogues, what punishment do you think is +your meet? + +DIONYSUS. Death. I will reply for him. + +AESCHYLUS. Behold then what great and brave men I bequeathed to him! They +did not shirk the public burdens; they were not idlers, rogues and +cheats, as they are to-day; their very breath was spears, pikes, helmets +with white crests, breastplates and greaves; they were gallant souls +encased in seven folds of ox-leather. + +EURIPIDES. I must beware! he will crush me beneath the sheer weight of +his hail of armour. + +DIONYSUS. And how did you teach them this bravery? Speak, Aeschylus, and +don't display so much haughty swagger. + +AESCHYLUS. By composing a drama full of the spirit of Ares. + +DIONYSUS. Which one? + +AESCHYLUS. The Seven Chiefs before Thebes. Every man who had once seen it +longed to be marching to battle. + +DIONYSUS. And you did very wrongly; through you the Thebans have become +more warlike; for this misdeed you deserve to be well beaten. + +AESCHYLUS. You too might have trained yourself, but you were not willing. +Then, by producing 'The Persae,' I have taught you to conquer all your +enemies; 'twas my greatest work. + +DIONYSUS. Aye, I shook with joy at the announcement of the death of +Darius; and the Chorus immediately clapped their hands and shouted, +"Triumph!"[486] + +AESCHYLUS. Those are the subjects that poets should use. Note how useful, +even from remotest times, the poets of noble thought have been! Orpheus +taught us the mystic rites and the horrid nature of murder; Musaeus, the +healing of ailments and the oracles; Hesiod, the tilling of the soil and +the times for delving and harvest. And does not divine Homer owe his +immortal glory to his noble teachings? Is it not he who taught the +warlike virtues, the art of fighting and of carrying arms? + +DIONYSUS. At all events he has not taught it to Pantacles,[487] the most +awkward of all men; t'other day, when he was directing a procession, +'twas only after he had put on his helmet that he thought of fixing in +the crest. + +AESCHYLUS. But he has taught a crowd of brave warriors, such as +Lamachus,[488] the hero of Athens. 'Tis from Homer that I borrowed the +Patrocli and the lion-hearted Teucers,[489] whom I revived to the +citizens, to incite them to show themselves worthy of these illustrious +examples when the trumpets sounded. But I showed them neither +Sthenoboea[490] nor shameless Phaedra; and I don't remember ever having +placed an amorous woman on the stage. + +EURIPIDES. No, no, you have never known Aphrodité. + +AESCHYLUS. And I am proud of it. Whereas with you and those like you, she +appears everywhere and in every shape; so that even you yourself were +ruined and undone by her.[491] + +DIONYSUS. That's true; the crimes you imputed to the wives of others, you +suffered from in turn. + +EURIPIDES. But, cursed man, what harm have my Sthenoboeas done to Athens? + +AESCHYLUS. You are the cause of honest wives of honest citizens drinking +hemlock, so greatly have your Bellerophons made them blush.[492] + +EURIPIDES. Why, did I invent the story of Phaedra? + +AESCHYLUS. No, the story is true enough; but the poet should hide what is +vile and not produce nor represent it on the stage. The schoolmaster +teaches little children and the poet men of riper age. We must only +display what is good. + +EURIPIDES. And when you talk to us of towering mountains--Lycabettus and +of the frowning Parnes[493]--is that teaching us what is good? Why not +use human language? + +AESCHYLUS. Why, miserable man, the expression must always rise to the +height of great maxims and of noble thoughts. Thus as the garment of the +demi-gods is more magnificent, so also is their language more sublime. I +ennobled the stage, while you have degraded it. + +EURIPIDES. And how so, pray? + +AESCHYLUS. Firstly you have dressed the kings in rags,[494] so that they +might inspire pity. + +EURIPIDES. Where's the harm? + +AESCHYLUS. You are the cause why no rich man will now equip the galleys, +they dress themselves in tatters, groan and say they are poor. + +DIONYSUS. Aye, by Demeter! and he wears a tunic of fine wool underneath; +and when he has deceived us with his lies, he may be seen turning up on +the fish-market.[495] + +AESCHYLUS. Moreover, you have taught boasting and quibbling; the +wrestling schools are deserted and the young fellows have submitted their +arses to outrage,[496] in order that they might learn to reel off idle +chatter, and the sailors have dared to bandy words with their +officers.[497] In my day they only knew how to ask for their +ship's-biscuit and to shout "Yo ho! heave ho!" + +DIONYSUS. ... and to let wind under the nose of the rower below them, to +befoul their mate with filth and to steal when they went ashore. Nowadays +they argue instead of rowing and the ship can travel as slow as she +likes. + +AESCHYLUS. Of what crimes is he not the author? Has he not shown us +procurers, women who get delivered in the temples, have traffic with +their brothers,[498] and say that life is not life.[499] 'Tis thanks to +him that our city is full of scribes and buffoons, veritable apes, whose +grimaces are incessantly deceiving the people; but there is no one left +who knows how to carry a torch,[500] so little is it practised. + +DIONYSUS. I' faith, that's true! I almost died of laughter at the last +Panathenaea at seeing a slow, fat, pale-faced fellow, who ran well behind +all the rest, bent completely double and evidently in horrible pain. At +the gate of the Ceramicus the spectators started beating his belly, +sides, flanks and thighs; these slaps knocked so much wind out of him +that it extinguished his torch and he hurried away. + +CHORUS. 'Tis a serious issue and an important debate; the fight is +proceeding hotly and its decision will be difficult; for, as violently as +the one attacks, as cleverly and as subtly does the other reply. But +don't keep always to the same ground; you are not at the end of your +specious artifices. Make use of every trick you have, no matter whether +it be old or new! Out with everything boldly, blunt though it be; risk +anything--that is smart and to the point. Perchance you fear that the +audience is too stupid to grasp your subtleties, but be reassured, for +that is no longer the case. They are all well-trained folk; each has his +book, from which he learns the art of quibbling; such wits as they are +happily endowed with have been rendered still keener through study. So +have no fear! Attack everything, for you face an enlightened audience. + +EURIPIDES. Let's take your prologues; 'tis the beginnings of this able +poet's tragedies that I wish to examine at the outset. He was obscure in +the description of his subjects. + +DIONYSUS. And which prologue are you going to examine? + +EURIPIDES. A lot of them. Give me first of all that of the +'Orestes.'[501] + +DIONYSUS. All keep silent, Aeschylus, recite. + +AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes +the paternal bidding, be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I +return to this land."[502] + +DIONYSUS. Is there a single word to condemn in that? + +EURIPIDES. More than a dozen. + +DIONYSUS. But there are but three verses in all. + +EURIPIDES. And there are twenty faults in each. + +DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, I beg you to keep silent; otherwise, besides these +three iambics, there will be many more attacked. + +AESCHYLUS. What? Keep silent before this fellow? + +DIONYSUS. If you will take my advice. + +EURIPIDES. He begins with a fearful blunder. Do you see the stupid thing? + +DIONYSUS. Faith! I don't care if I don't. + +AESCHYLUS. A blunder? In what way? + +EURIPIDES. Repeat the first verse. + +AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes +the paternal bidding." + +EURIPIDES. Is not Orestes speaking in this fashion before his father's +tomb? + +AESCHYLUS. Agreed. + +EURIPIDES. Does he mean to say that Hermes had watched, only that +Agamemnon should perish at the hands of a woman and be the victim of a +criminal intrigue? + +AESCHYLUS. 'Tis not to the god of trickery, but to Hermes the benevolent, +that he gives the name of god of the nether world, and this he proves by +adding that Hermes is accomplishing the mission given him by his father. + +EURIPIDES. The blunder is even worse than I had thought to make it out; +for if he holds his office in the nether world from his father.... + +DIONYSUS. It means his father has made him a grave-digger. + +AESCHYLUS. Dionysus, your wine is not redolent of perfume.[503] + +DIONYSUS. Continue, Aeschylus, and you, Euripides, spy out the faults as +he proceeds. + +AESCHYLUS. "Be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I return to +this land." + +EURIPIDES. Our clever Aeschylus says the very same thing twice over. + +AESCHYLUS. How twice over? + +EURIPIDES. Examine your expressions, for I am going to show you the +repetition. "I come, I return to this land." But I _come_ is the same +thing as I _return._ + +DIONYSUS. Undoubtedly. 'Tis as though I said to my neighbour, "Lend me +either your kneading-trough or your trough to knead in." + +AESCHYLUS. No, you babbler, no, 'tis not the same thing, and the verse is +excellent. + +DIONYSUS. Indeed! then prove it. + +AESCHYLUS. To come is the act of a citizen who has suffered no +misfortune; but the exile both comes and returns. + +DIONYSUS. Excellent! by Apollo! What do you say to that, Euripides? + +EURIPIDES. I say that Orestes did not return to his country, for he came +there secretly, without the consent of those in power. + +DIONYSUS. Very good indeed! by Hermes! only I have not a notion what it +is you mean. + +EURIPIDES. Go on. + +DIONYSUS. Come, be quick, Aeschylus, continue; and you look out for the +faults. + +AESCHYLUS. "At the foot of this tomb I invoke my father and beseech him +to hearken to me and to hear." + +EURIPIDES. Again a repetition, to hearken and to hear are obviously the +same thing. + +DIONYSUS. Why, wretched man, he's addressing the dead, whom to call +thrice even is not sufficient. + +AESCHYLUS. And you, how do you form your prologues? + +EURIPIDES. I am going to tell you, and if you find a repetition, an idle +word or inappropriate, let me be scouted! + +DIONYSUS. Come, speak; 'tis my turn to listen. Let us hear the beauty of +your prologues, + +EURIPIDES. "Oedipus was a fortunate man at first ..." + +AESCHYLUS. Not at all; he was destined to misfortune before he even +existed, since Apollo predicted he would kill his father before ever he +was born. How can one say he was fortunate at first? + +EURIPIDES. "... and he became the most unfortunate of mortals +afterwards." + +AESCHYLUS. No, he did not become so, for he never ceased being so. Look +at the facts! First of all, when scarcely born, he is exposed in the +middle of winter in an earthenware vessel, for fear he might become the +murderer of his father, if brought up; then he came to Polybus with his +feet swollen; furthermore, while young, he marries an old woman, who is +also his mother, and finally he blinds himself. + +DIONYSUS. 'Faith! I think he could not have done worse to have been a +colleague of Erasinidas.[504] + +EURIPIDES. You can chatter as you will, my prologues are very fine. + +AESCHYLUS. I will take care not to carp at them verse by verse and word +for word;[505] but, an it please the gods, a simple little bottle will +suffice me for withering every one of your prologues. + +EURIPIDES. You will wither my prologues with a little bottle?[506] + +AESCHYLUS. With only one. You make verses of such a kind, that one can +adapt what one will to your iambics: a little bit of fluff, a little +bottle, a little bag. I am going to prove it. + +EURIPIDES. You will prove it? + +AESCHYLUS. Yes. + +DIONYSUS. Come, recite. + +EURIPIDES. "Aegyptus, according to the most widely spread reports, having +landed at Argos with his fifty daughters[507] ..." + +AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle. + +EURIPIDES. What little bottle? May the plague seize you! + +DIONYSUS. Recite another prologue to him. We shall see. + +EURIPIDES. "Dionysus, who leads the choral dance on Parnassus with the +thyrsus in his hand and clothed in skins of fawns[508] ..." + +AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle. + +DIONYSUS. There again his little bottle upsets us. + +EURIPIDES. He won't bother us much longer. I have a certain prologue to +which he cannot adapt his tag: "There is no perfect happiness; this one +is of noble origin, but poor; another of humble birth[509] ..." + +AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle. + +DIONYSUS. Euripides! + +EURIPIDES. What's the matter? + +DIONYSUS. Clue up your sails, for this damned little bottle is going to +blow a gale. + +EURIPIDES. Little I care, by Demeter! I am going to make it burst in his +hands. + +DIONYSUS. Then out with it; recite another prologue, but beware, beware +of the little bottle. + +EURIPIDES. "Cadmus, the son of Agenor, while leaving the city of +Sidon[510] ..." + +AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle. + +DIONYSUS. Oh! my poor friend; buy that bottle, do, for it is going to +tear all your prologues to ribbons. + +EURIPIDES. What? Am I to buy it of him? + +DIONYSUS. If you take my advice. + +EURIPIDES. No, not I, for I have many prologues to which he cannot +possibly fit his catchword: "Pelops, the son of Tantalus, having started +for Pisa on his swift chariot[511] ..." + +AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle. + +DIONYSUS. D'ye see? Again he has popped in his little bottle. Come, +Aeschylus, he is going to buy it of you at any price, and you can have a +splendid one for an obolus. + +EURIPIDES. By Zeus, no, not yet! I have plenty of other prologues. +"Oeneus in the fields one day[512] ..." + +AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle. + +EURIPIDES. Let me first finish the opening verse: "Oeneus in the fields +one day, having made an abundant harvest and sacrificed the first-fruits +to the gods ..." + +AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle. + +DIONYSUS. During the sacrifice? And who was the thief? + +EURIPIDES. Allow him to try with this one: "Zeus, as even Truth has +said[513] ..." + +DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_). You have lost again; he is going to say, "lost +his little bottle," for that bottle sticks to your prologues like a +ringworm. But, in the name of the gods, turn now to his choruses. + +EURIPIDES. I will prove that he knows nothing of lyric poetry, and that +he repeats himself incessantly. + +CHORUS. What's he going to say now? I am itching to know what criticisms +he is going to make on the poet, whose sublime songs so far outclass +those of his contemporaries. I cannot imagine with what he is going to +reproach the king of the Dionysia, and I tremble for the aggressor. + +EURIPIDES. Oh! those wonderful songs! But watch carefully, for I am going +to condense them all into a single one. + +DIONYSUS. And I am going to take pebbles to count the fragments. + +EURIPIDES. "Oh, Achilles, King of Phthiotis, hearken to the shout of the +conquering foe and haste to sustain the assault. We dwellers in the +marshes do honour to Hermes, the author of our race. Haste to sustain the +assault." + +DIONYSUS. There, Aeschylus, you have already two assaults against you. + +EURIPIDES. "Oh, son of Atreus, the most illustrious of the Greeks, thou, +who rulest so many nations, hearken to me. Haste to the assault." + +DIONYSUS. A third assault. Beware, Aeschylus. + +EURIPIDES. "Keep silent, for the inspired priestesses are opening the +temple of Artemis. Haste to sustain the assault. I have the right to +proclaim that our warriors are leaving under propitious auspices. Haste +to sustain the assault."[514] + +DIONYSUS. Great gods, what a number of assaults! my kidneys are quite +swollen with fatigue; I shall have to go to the bath after all these +assaults. + +EURIPIDES. Not before you have heard this other song arranged for the +music of the cithara. + +DIONYSUS. Come then, continue; but, prithee, no more "assaults." + +EURIPIDES. "What! the two powerful monarchs, who reign over the Grecian +youth, phlattothrattophlattothrat, are sending the Sphinx, that terrible +harbinger of death, phlattothrattophlattothrat. With his avenging arm +bearing a spear, phlattothrattophlattothrat, the impetuous bird delivers +those who lean to the side of Ajax, phlattothrattophlattothrat, to the +dogs who roam in the clouds, phlattothrattophlattothrat."[515] + +DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). What is this 'phlattothrat'? Does it come from +Marathon or have you picked it out of some labourer's chanty? + +AESCHYLUS. I took what was good and improved it still more, so that I +might not be accused of gathering the same flowers as Phrynichus in the +meadow of the Muse. But this man borrows from everybody, from the +suggestions of prostitutes, from the sons of Melitus,[516] from the +Carian flute-music, from wailing women, from dancing-girls. I am going to +prove it, so let a lyre be brought. But what need of a lyre in his case? +Where is the girl with the castanets? Come, thou Muse of Euripides; 'tis +quite thy business to accompany songs of this sort. + +DIONYSUS. This Muse has surely done fellation in her day, like a Lesbian +wanton.[517] + +AESCHYLUS. "Ye halcyons, who twitter over the ever-flowing billows of the +sea, the damp dew of the waves glistens on your wings; and you spiders, +who we-we-we-we-we-weave the long woofs of your webs in the corners of +our houses with your nimble feet like the noisy shuttle, there where the +dolphin by bounding in the billows, under the influence of the flute, +predicts a favourable voyage; thou glorious ornaments of the vine, the +slender tendrils that support the grape. Child, throw thine arms about my +neck."[518] Do you note the harmonious rhythm? + +DIONYSUS. Yes. + +AESCHYLUS. Do you note it? + +DIONYSUS. Yes, undoubtedly. + +AESCHYLUS. And does the author of such rubbish dare to criticize my +songs? he, who imitates the twelve postures of Cyrené in his poetry?[519] +There you have his lyric melodies, but I still want to give you a sample +of his monologues. "Oh! dark shadows of the night! what horrible dream +are you sending me from the depths of your sombre abysses! Oh! dream, +thou bondsman of Pluto, thou inanimate soul, child of the dark night, +thou dread phantom in long black garments, how bloodthirsty, bloodthirsty +is thy glance! how sharp are thy claws! Handmaidens, kindle the lamp, +draw up the dew of the rivers in your vases and make the water hot; I +wish to purify myself of this dream sent me by the gods. Oh! king of the +ocean, that's right, that's right! Oh! my comrades, behold this wonder. +Glycé has robbed me of my cock and has fled. Oh, Nymphs of the mountains! +oh! Mania! seize her! How unhappy I am! I was full busy with my work, I +was sp-sp-sp-sp-spinning the flax that was on my spindle, I was rounding +off the clew that I was to go and sell in the market at dawn; and he flew +off, flew off, cleaving the air with his swift wings; he left to me +nothing but pain, pain! What tears, tears, poured, poured from my +unfortunate eyes! Oh! Cretans, children of Ida, take your bows; help me, +haste hither, surround the house. And thou, divine huntress, beautiful +Artemis, come with thy hounds and search through the house. And thou +also, daughter of Zeus, seize the torches in thy ready hands and go +before me to Glycé's home, for I propose to go there and rummage +everywhere."[520] + +DIONYSUS. That's enough of choruses. + +AESCHYLUS. Yes, faith, enough indeed! I wish now to see my verses weighed +in the scales; 'tis the only way to end this poetic struggle. + +DIONYSUS. Well then, come, I am going to sell the poet's genius the same +way cheese is sold in the market. + +CHORUS. Truly clever men are possessed of an inventive mind. Here again +is a new idea that is marvellous and strange, and which another would not +have thought of; as for myself I would not have believed anyone who had +told me of it, I would have treated him as a driveller. + +DIONYSUS. Come, hither to the scales. + +AESCHYLUS AND EURIPIDES. Here we are. + +DIONYSUS. Let each one hold one of the scales, recite a verse, and not +let go until I have cried, "Cuckoo!" + +AESCHYLUS AND EURIPIDES. We understand. + +DIONYSUS. Well then, recite and keep your hands on the scales. + +EURIPIDES. "Would it had pleased the gods that the vessel Argo had never +unfurled the wings of her sails!"[521] + +AESCHYLUS. "Oh! river Sperchius! oh! meadows, where the oxen graze!"[522] + +DIONYSUS. Cuckoo! let go! Oh! the verse of Aeschylus sinks far the lower +of the two. + +EURIPIDES. And why? + +DIONYSUS. Because, like the wool-merchants, who moisten their wares, he +has thrown a river into his verse and has made it quite wet, whereas +yours was winged and flew away. + +EURIPIDES. Come, another verse! You recite, Aeschylus, and you, weigh. + +DIONYSUS. Hold the scales again. + +AESCHYLUS AND EURIPIDES. Ready. + +DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_). You begin. + +EURIPIDES. "Eloquence is Persuasion's only sanctuary."[523] + +AESCHYLUS. "Death is the only god whom gifts cannot bribe."[524] + +DIONYSUS. Let go! let go! Here again our friend Aeschylus' verse drags +down the scale; 'tis because he has thrown in Death, the weightiest of +all ills. + +EURIPIDES. And I Persuasion; my verse is excellent. + +DIONYSUS. Persuasion has both little weight and little sense. But hunt +again for a big weighty verse and solid withal, that it may assure you +the victory. + +EURIPIDES. But where am I to find one--where? + +DIONYSUS. I'll tell you one: "Achilles has thrown two and four."[525] +Come, recite! 'tis the last trial. + +EURIPIDES. "With his arm he seized a mace, studded with iron."[526] + +AESCHYLUS. "Chariot upon chariot and corpse upon corpse."[527] + +DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_) There you're foiled again. + +EURIPIDES. Why? + +DIONYSUS. There are two chariots and two corpses in the verse; why, 'tis +a weight a hundred Egyptians could not lift.[528] + +AESCHYLUS. 'Tis no longer verse against verse that I wish to weigh, but +let him clamber into the scale himself, he, his children, his wife, +Cephisophon[529] and all his works; against all these I will place but +two of my verses on the other side. + +DIONYSUS. I will _not_ be their umpire, for they are dear to me and I +will not have a foe in either of them; meseems the one is mighty clever, +while the other simply delights me. + +PLUTO. Then you are foiled in the object of your voyage. + +DIONYSUS. And if I do decide? + +PLUTO. You shall take with you whichever of the twain you declare the +victor; thus you will not have come in vain. + +DIONYSUS. That's all right! Well then, listen; I have come down to find a +poet. + +EURIPIDES. And with what intent? + +DIONYSUS. So that the city, when once it has escaped the imminent dangers +of the war, may have tragedies produced. I have resolved to take back +whichever of the two is prepared to give good advice to the citizens. So +first of all, what think you of Alcibiades? For the city is in most +difficult labour over this question. + +EURIPIDES. And what does it think about it? + +DIONYSUS. What does it think? It regrets him, hates him, and yet wishes +to have him, all at the same time. But tell me your opinion, both of you. + +EURIPIDES. I hate the citizen who is slow to serve his country, quick to +involve it in the greatest troubles, ever alert to his own interests, and +a bungler where those of the State are at stake. + +DIONYSUS. That's good, by Posidon! And you, what is your opinion? + +AESCHYLUS. A lion's whelp should not be reared within the city. No doubt +that's best; but if the lion has been reared, one must submit to his +ways. + +DIONYSUS. Zeus, the Deliverer! this puzzles me greatly. The one is +clever, the other clear and precise. Now each of you tell me your idea of +the best way to save the State. + +EURIPIDES. If Cinesias were fitted to Cleocritus as a pair of wings, and +the wind were to carry the two of them across the waves of the sea ... + +DIONYSUS. 'Twould be funny. But what is he driving at? + +EURIPIDES. ... they could throw vinegar into the eyes of the foe in the +event of a sea-fight. But I know something else I want to tell you. + +DIONYSUS. Go on. + +EURIPIDES. When we put trust in what we mistrust and mistrust what we +trust.... + +DIONYSUS. What? I don't understand. Tell us something less profound, but +clearer. + +EURIPIDES. If we were to mistrust the citizens, whom we trust, and to +employ those whom we to-day neglect, we should be saved. Nothing succeeds +with us; very well then, let's do the opposite thing, and our deliverance +will be assured. + +DIONYSUS. Very well spoken. You are the most ingenious of men, a true +Palamedes![530] Is this fine idea your own or is it Cephisophon's? + +EURIPIDES. My very own,--bar the vinegar, which is Cephisophon's. + +DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). And you, what have you to say? + +AESCHYLUS. Tell me first who the commonwealth employs. Are they the just? + +DIONYSUS. Oh! she holds _them_ in abhorrence. + +AESCHYLUS. What, are then the wicked those she loves? + +DIONYSUS. Not at all, but she employs them against her will. + +AESCHYLUS. Then what deliverance can there be for a city that will +neither have cape nor cloak?[531] + +DIONYSUS. Discover, I adjure you, discover a way to save her from +shipwreck. + +AESCHYLUS. I will tell you the way on earth, but I won't here. + +DIONYSUS. No, send her this blessing from here. + +AESCHYLUS. They will be saved when they have learnt that the land of the +foe is theirs and their own land belongs to the foe; that their vessels +are their true wealth, the only one upon which they can rely.[532] + +DIONYSUS. That's true, but the dicasts devour everything.[533] + +PLUTO (_to Dionysus_). Now decide. + +DIONYSUS. 'Tis for you to decide, but I choose him whom my heart prefers. + +EURIPIDES. You called the gods to witness that you would bear me through; +remember your oath and choose your friends. + +DIONYSUS. Yes, "my tongue has sworn."[534] ... But I choose Aeschylus. + +EURIPIDES. What have you done, you wretch? + +DIONYSUS. I? I have decided that Aeschylus is the victor. What then? + +EURIPIDES. And you dare to look me in the face after such a shameful +deed? + +DIONYSUS. "Why shameful, if the spectators do not think so?"[535] + +EURIPIDES. Cruel wretch, will you leave me pitilessly among the dead? + +DIONYSUS. "Who knows if living be not dying,[536] if breathing be not +feasting, if sleep be not a fleece?"[537] + +PLUTO. Enter my halls. Come, Dionysus. + +DIONYSUS. What shall we do there? + +PLUTO. I want to entertain my guests before they leave. + +DIONYSUS. Well said, by Zeus; 'tis the very thing to please me best. + +CHORUS. Blessed the man who has perfected wisdom! Everything is happiness +for him. Behold Aeschylus; thanks to the talent, to the cleverness he has +shown, he returns to his country; and his fellow-citizens, his relations, +his friends will all hail his return with joy. Let us beware of jabbering +with Socrates and of disdaining the sublime notes of the tragic Muse. To +pass an idle life reeling off grandiloquent speeches and foolish +quibbles, is the part of a madman. + +PLUTO. Farewell, Aeschylus! Go back to earth and may your noble precepts +both save our city[538] and cure the mad; there are such, a many of them! +Carry this rope from me to Cleophon, this one to Myrmex and Nichomachus, +the public receivers, and this other one to Archenomous.[539] Bid them +come here at once and without delay; if not, by Apollo, I will brand them +with the hot iron.[540] I will make one bundle of them and +Adimantus,[541] the son of Leucolophus,[542] and despatch the lot into +hell with all possible speed. + +AESCHYLUS. I will do your bidding, and do you make Sophocles occupy my +seat. Let him take and keep it for me, against I should ever return here. +In fact I award him the second place among the tragic poets. As for this +impostor, watch that he never usurps my throne, even should he be placed +there in spite of himself. + +PLUTO (_to the Chorus of the Initiate_). Escort him with your sacred +torches, singing to him as you go his own hymns and choruses. + +CHORUS. Ye deities of the nether world, grant a pleasant journey to the +poet who is leaving us to return to the light of day; grant likewise wise +and healthy thoughts to our city. Put an end to the fearful calamities +that overwhelm us, to the awful clatter of arms. As for Cleophon and the +likes of him, let them go, an it please them, and fight in their own +land.[543] + + * * * * * + +FINIS OF "THE FROGS" + + * * * * * + +Footnotes: + +[382] These were comic poets contemporary with Aristophanes. Phrynichus, +the best known, gained the second prize with his 'Muses' when the present +comedy was put upon the stage. Amipsias had gained the first prize over +our author's first edition of 'The Clouds' and again over his 'Birds.' +Aristophanes is ridiculing vulgar and coarse jests, which, however, he +does not always avoid himself. + +[383] Instead of the expected "son of Zeus," he calls himself the "son of +a wine-jar." + +[384] At the sea-fight at Arginusae the slaves who had distinguished +themselves by their bravery were presented with their freedom. This +battle had taken place only a few months before the production of 'The +Frogs.' Had Xanthias been one of these slaves he could then have treated +his master as he says, for he would have been his equal. + +[385] The door of the Temple of Heracles, situated in the deme of Melité, +close to Athens. This temple contained a very remarkable statue of the +god, the work of Eleas, the master of Phidias. + +[386] A fabulous monster, half man and half horse. + +[387] So also, in 'The Thesmophoriazusae,' Agathon is described as +wearing a saffron robe, which was a mark of effeminacy. + +[388] A woman's foot-gear. + +[389] He speaks of him as though he were a vessel. Clisthenes, who was +scoffed at for his ugliness, was completely beardless, which fact gave +him the look of a eunuch. He was accused of prostituting himself. + +[390] Heracles cannot believe it. Dionysus had no repute for bravery. His +cowardice is one of the subjects for jesting which we shall most often +come upon in 'The Frogs.' + +[391] A tragedy by Euripides, produced some years earlier, some fragments +of which are quoted by Aristophanes in his 'Thesmophoriazusae.' + +[392] An actor of immense stature. + +[393] The gluttony of Heracles was a byword. See 'The Birds.' + +[394] Euripides, weary, it is said, of the ridicule and envy with which +he was assailed in Athens, had retired in his old age to the court of +Archelaus, King of Macedonia, where he had met with the utmost +hospitality. We are assured that he perished through being torn to pieces +by dogs, which set upon him in a lonely spot. His death occurred in 407 +B.C., the year before the production of 'The Frogs.' + +[395] This is a hemistich, the Scholiast says, from Euripides. + +[396] The son of Sophocles. Once, during his father's lifetime, he gained +the prize for tragedy, but it was suspected that the piece itself was +largely the work of Sophocles himself. It is for this reason that +Dionysus wishes to try him when he is dependent on his own resources, now +that his father is dead. The death of the latter was quite recent at the +time of the production of 'The Frogs,' and the fact lent all the greater +interest to this piece. + +[397] Agathon was a contemporary of Euripides, and is mentioned in terms +of praise by Aristotle for his delineation of the character of Achilles, +presumably in his tragedy of 'Telephus.' From the fragments which remain +of this author it appears that his style was replete with ornament, +particularly antithesis. + +[398] Son of Caminus, an inferior poet, often made the butt of +Aristophanes' jeers. + +[399] A poet apparently, unknown. + +[400] Expressions used by Euripides in different tragedies. + +[401] Parody of a verse in Euripides' 'Andromeda,' a lost play. + +[402] Heracles, being such a glutton, must be a past master in matters of +cookery, but this does not justify him in posing as a dramatic critic. + +[403] Xanthias, bent double beneath his load, gets more and more out of +patience with his master's endless talk with Heracles. + +[404] The mortar in which hemlock was pounded. + +[405] An allusion to the effect of hemlock. + +[406] A quarter of Athens where the Lampadephoria was held in honour of +Athené, Hephaestus, and Prometheus, because the first had given the +mortals oil, the second had invented the lamp, and the third had stolen +fire from heaven. The principal part of this festival consisted in the +_lampadedromia_, or torch-race. This name was given to a race in which +the competitors for the prize ran with a torch in their hand; it was +essential that the goal should be reached with the torch still alight. +The signal for starting was given by throwing a torch from the top of the +tower mentioned a few verses later on. + +[407] Theseus had descended into Hades with Pirithous to fetch away +Persephoné. Aristophanes doubtless wishes to say that in consequence of +this descent Pluto established a toll across Acheron, in order to render +access to his kingdom less easy, and so that the poor and the greedy, who +could not or would not pay, might be kept out. + +[408] Morsimus was a minor poet, who is also mentioned with disdain in +'The Knights,' and is there called the son of Philocles. Aristophanes +jestingly likens anyone who helps to disseminate his verses to the worst +of criminals. + +[409] The Pyrrhic dance was a lively and quick-step dance. Cinesias was +not a dancer, but a dithyrambic poet, who declaimed with much +gesticulation and movement that one might almost think he was performing +this dance. + +[410] Those initiated into the Mysteries of Demeter, who, according to +the belief of the ancients, enjoyed a kind of beatitude after death. + +[411] Xanthias, his strength exhausted and his patience gone, prepares to +lay down his load. Asses were used for the conveyance from Athens to +Eleusis of everything that was necessary for the celebration of the +Mysteries. They were often overladen, and from this fact arose the +proverb here used by Xanthias, as indicating any heavy burden. + +[412] The Ancients believed that meeting this or that person or thing at +the outset of a journey was of good or bad omen. The superstition is not +entirely dead even to-day. + +[413] Dionysus had seated himself _on_ instead of _at_ the oar. + +[414] One of the titles given to Dionysus, because of the worship +accorded him at Nysa, a town in Ethiopia, where he was brought up by the +nymphs. + +[415] This was the third day of the Anthesteria or feasts of Dionysus. +All kinds of vegetables were cooked in pots and offered to Dionysus and +Athené. It was also the day of the dramatic contests. + +[416] Dionysus' temple, the Lenaeum, was situated in the district of +Athens known as the _Linnae_, or Marshes, on the south side of the +Acropolis. + +[417] He points to the audience. + +[418] A spectre, which Hecaté sent to frighten men. It took all kinds of +hideous shapes. It was exorcised by abuse. + +[419] This was one of the monstrosities which credulity attributed to the +Empusa. + +[420] He is addressing a priest of Bacchus, who occupied a seat reserved +for him in the first row of the audience. + +[421] A verse from the Orestes of Euripides.--Hegelochus was an actor +who, in a recent representation, had spoken the line in such a manner as +to lend it an absurd meaning; instead of saying, [Greek: gal_en_en], +which means _calm_, he had pronounced it [Greek: gal_en], which means _a +cat_. + +[422] The priest of Bacchus, mentioned several verses back. + +[423] High-flown expressions from Euripides' Tragedies. + +[424] A second Chorus, comprised of Initiates into the Mysteries of +Demeter and Dionysus. + +[425] A philosopher, a native of Melos, and originally a dithyrambic +poet. He was prosecuted on a charge of atheism. + +[426] A comic and dithyrambic poet. + +[427] This Thorycion, a toll collector at Aegina, which then belonged to +Athens, had taken advantage of his position to send goods to Epidaurus, +an Argolian town, thereby defrauding the treasury of the duty of 5 per +cent, which was levied on every import and export. + +[428] An allusion to Alcibiades, who is said to have obtained a subsidy +for the Spartan fleet from Cyrus, satrap of Asia Minor. + +[429] An allusion to the dithyrambic poet, Cinesias, who was accused of +having sullied, by stooling against it, the pedestal of a statue of +Hecaté at one of the street corners of Athens. + +[430] Athené. + +[431] The route of the procession of the Initiate was from the Ceramicus +(a district of Athens) to Eleusis, a distance of twenty-five stadia. + +[432] A shaft shot at the _choragi_ by the poet, because they had failed +to have new dresses made for the actors on this occasion. + +[433] It was at the age of seven that children were entered on the +registers of their father's tribe. Aristophanes is accusing Archidemus, +who at that time was the head of the popular party, of being no citizen, +because his name is not entered upon the registers of any tribe. + +[434] At funerals women tore their hair, rent their garments, and beat +their bosoms. Aristophanes parodies these demonstrations of grief and +attributes them to the effeminate Clisthenes. Sebinus the Anaphlystian is +a coined name containing an obscene allusion, implying he was in the +habit of allowing connexion with himself a posteriori, and being +masturbated by the other in turn. + +[435] Callias, the son of Hipponicus, which the poet turns into +Hippobinus, i.e. one who treads a mare, was an Athenian general, who had +distinguished himself at the battle of Arginusae; he was notorious for +his debauched habits, which he doubtless practised even on board his +galleys. He is called a new Heracles, because of the legend that Heracles +triumphed over fifty virgins in a single night; no doubt the poet alludes +to some exploit of the kind here. + +[436] A proverb applied to silly boasters. The Corinthians had sent an +envoy to Megara, who, in order to enhance the importance of his city, +incessantly repeated the phrase, "_The Corinth of Zeus_." + +[437] Demeter. + +[438] Tartessus was an Iberian town, near the Avernian marshes, which +were said to be tenanted by reptiles, the progeny of vipers and muraenae, +a kind of fish. + +[439] Tithrasios was a part of Libya, fabled to be peopled by Gorgons. + +[440] "Invoke the god" was the usual formula which immediately followed +the offering of the libation in the festival of Dionysus. Here he uses +the words after a libation of a new kind and induced by fear. + +[441] That is, Heracles, whose temple was at Melité, a suburban deme of +Athens. + +[442] Whose statues were placed to make the boundaries of land. + +[443] One of the Thirty Tyrants, noted for his versatility. + +[444] Celon and Hyperbolus were both dead, and are therefore supposed to +have become the leaders and patrons of the populace in Hades, the same as +they had been on earth. + +[445] Already mentioned; one of the chiefs of the popular party in 406 +B.C. + +[446] Heracles had carried of Cerberus. + +[447] Names of Thracian slaves. + +[448] As was done to unruly children; he allows every kind of torture +with the exception of the mildest. + +[449] A deme of Attica, where there was a temple to Heracles. No doubt +those present uttered the cry "Oh! oh!" in honour of the god. + +[450] He pretends it was not a cry of pain at all, but of astonishment +and admiration. + +[451] Pretending that it was the thorn causing him pain, and not the lash +of the whip. + +[452] According to the Scholiast this is a quotation from the 'Laocoon,' +a lost play of Sophocles. + +[453] A general known for his cowardice; he was accused of not being a +citizen, but of Thracian origin; in 406 B.C. he was in disfavour, and he +perished shortly after in a popular tumult. + +[454] According to Athenian law, the accused was acquitted when the +voting was equal. + +[455] He had helped to establish the oligarchical government of the Four +Hundred, who had just been overthrown. + +[456] The fight of Arginusae; the slaves who had fought there had been +accorded their freedom.--The Plataeans had had the title of citizens +since the battle of Marathon. + +[457] Things were not going well for Athens at the time; it was only two +years later, 404 B.C., that Lysander took the city. + +[458] A demagogue; because he deceived the people, Aristophanes compares +him with the washermen who cheated their clients by using some mixture +that was cheaper than potash. + +[459] Callistrates says that Clidemides was one of Sophocles' sons; +Apollonius states him to have been an actor. + +[460] Dionysus was, of course, the patron god of the drama and dramatic +contests. + +[461] The majestic grandeur of Aeschylus' periods, coupled with a touch +of parody, is to be recognized in this piece. + +[462] It is said that Euripides was the son of a fruit-seller. + +[463] Euripides is constantly twitted by Aristophanes with his +predilection for ragged beggars and vagabonds as characters in his plays. + +[464] Bellerophon, Philoctetes, and Telephus, were all characters in +different Tragedies of Euripides. + +[465] Sailors, when in danger, sacrificed a black lamb to Typhon, the god +of storms. + +[466] An allusion to a long monologue of Icarus in the tragedy called +'The Cretans.' + +[467] In 'Aeolus,' Macareus violates his own sister; in 'The Clouds,' +this incest, which Euripides introduced upon the stage, is also +mentioned. + +[468] The title of one of Euripides' pieces. + +[469] The titles of three lost Tragedies of Euripides. + +[470] A verse from one of the lost Tragedies of Euripides; the poet was +born at Eleusis. + +[471] Aristophanes often makes this accusation of religious heterodoxy +against Euripides. + +[472] A dramatic poet, who lived about the end of the sixth century B.C., +and a disciple of Thespis; the scenic art was then comparatively in its +infancy. + +[473] The Scholiast tells us that Achilles remained mute in the tragedy +entitled 'The Phrygians' or 'The Ransom of Hector,' and that his face was +veiled; he only spoke a few words at the beginning of the drama during a +dialogue with Hermes.--We have no information about the Niobé mentioned +here. + +[474] The Scholiast tells us that this expression ([Greek: +hippalektru_on]) was used in 'The Myrmidons' of Aeschylus; Aristophanes +ridicules it again both in the 'Peace' and in 'The Birds.' + +[475] An individual apparently noted for his uncouth ugliness. + +[476] The beet and the decoctions are intended to indicate the insipidity +of Euripides' style. + +[477] An intimate friend of Euripides, who is said to have worked with +him on his Tragedies, to have been 'ghost' to him in fact. + +[478] An allusion to Euripides' obscure birth; his mother had been, so it +was said, a vegetable-seller in the public market. + +[479] Euripides had introduced every variety of character into his +pieces, whereas Aeschylus only staged divinities or heroes. + +[480] There are two Cycni, one, the son of Ares, was killed by Heracles +according to the testimony of Hesiod in his description of the "Shield of +Heracles"; the other, the son of Posidon, who, according to Pindar, +perished under the blows of Achilles. It is not known in which Tragedy of +Aeschylus this character was introduced. + +[481] Memnon, the son of Aurora, was killed by Achilles; in the list of +the Tragedies of Aeschylus there is one entitled 'Memnon.' + +[482] These two were not poets, but Euripides supposes them disciples of +Aeschylus, because of their rude and antiquated manners. + +[483] Clitophon and Theramenes were elegants of effeminate habits and +adept talkers. + +[484] A proverb which was applied to versatile people; the two Greek +names [Greek: Chios] and [Greek: Keios] might easily be mistaken for one +another. Both, of course, are islands of the Cyclades. + +[485] A verse from the 'Myrmidons' of Aeschylus; here Achilles is +Aeschylus himself. + +[486] The 'Persae' of Aeschylus (produced 472 B.C.) was received with +transports of enthusiasm, reviving as it did memories of the glorious +defeat of Xerxes at Salamis, where the poet had fought, only a few years +before, 480 B.C. + +[487] Nothing is known of this Pantacles, whom Eupolis, in his 'Golden +Age,' also describes as awkward ([Greek: skaios]). + +[488] Aristophanes had by this time modified his opinion of this general, +whom he had so flouted in 'The Acharnians.' + +[489] Son of Telamon, the King of Salamis and brother of Ajax. + +[490] The wife of Proetus, King of Argos. Bellerophon, who had sought +refuge at the court of this king after the accidental murder of his +brother Bellerus, had disdained her amorous overtures. Therefore she +denounced him to her husband as having wanted to attempt her virtue and +urged him to cause his death. She killed herself immediately after the +departure of the young hero. + +[491] Cephisophon, Euripides' friend, is said to have seduced his wife. + +[492] Meaning, they have imitated Sthenoboea in everything; like her, +they have conceived adulterous passions and, again like her, they have +poisoned themselves. + +[493] Lycabettus, a mountain of Attica, just outside the walls of Athens, +the "Arthur's Seat" of the city. Parnassus, the famous mountain of +Phocis, the seat of the temple and oracle of Delphi and the home of the +Muses. The whole passage is, of course, in parody of the grandiloquent +style of Aeschylus. + +[494] An allusion to Oeneus, King of Aetolia, and to Telephus, King of +Mysia; characters put upon the stage by Euripides. + +[495] It was only the rich Athenians who could afford fresh fish, because +of their high price; we know how highly the gourmands prized the eels +from the Copaic lake. + +[496] If Aristophanes is to be believed, the orators were of depraved +habits, and exacted infamous complaisances as payment for their lessons +in rhetoric. + +[497] Aristophanes attributes the general dissoluteness to the influence +of Euripides; he suggests that the subtlety of his poetry, by sharpening +the wits of the vulgar and even of the coarsest, has instigated them to +insubordination. + +[498] Augé, who was seduced by Heracles, was delivered in the temple of +Athené (Scholiast); it is unknown in what piece this fact is +mentioned.--Macareus violates his sister Canacé in the 'Aeolus.' + +[499] i.e. they busy themselves with philosophic subtleties. This line is +taken from 'The Phryxus,' of which some fragments have come down to us. + +[500] In the torch-race the victor was the runner who attained the goal +first without having allowed his torch to go out. This race was a very +ancient institution. Aristophanes means to say that the old habits had +fallen into disuse. + +[501] A tetralogy composed of three tragedies, the 'Agamemnon,' the +'Choëphorae,' the 'Eumenides,' together with a satirical drama, the +'Proteus.' + +[502] This is the opening of the 'Choëphorae.' Aeschylus puts the words +in the mouth of Orestes, who is returning to his native land and visiting +his father's tomb. + +[503] i.e. your jokes are very coarse. + +[504] He was one of the Athenian generals in command at Arginusae; he and +his colleagues were condemned to death for not having given burial to the +men who fell in that naval fight. + +[505] As Euripides had done to those of Aeschylus; that sort of criticism +was too low for him. + +[506] [Greek: D_ekuthion ap_olesa], _oleum perdidi,_ I have lost my +labour, was a proverbial expression, which was also possibly the refrain +of some song. Aeschylus means to say that all Euripides' phrases are cast +in the same mould, and that his style is so poor and insipid that one can +adapt to it any foolery one wishes; as for the phrase he adds to every +one of the phrases his rival recites, he chooses it to insinuate that the +work of Euripides is _labour lost_, and that he would have done just as +well not to meddle with tragedy. The joke is mediocre at its best and is +kept up far too long. + +[507] Prologue of the 'Archelaus' of Euripides, a tragedy now lost. + +[508] From prologue of the 'Hypsipilé' of Euripides, a play now lost. + +[509] From prologue of the 'Sthenoboea' of Euripides, a play now lost. + +[510] From prologue of the 'Phryxus' of Euripides, a play now lost. + +[511] From prologue of the 'Iphigeneia in Tauris' of Euripides. + +[512] Prologue of 'The Meleager' by Euripides, lost. + +[513] Prologue of 'The Menalippé Sapiens,' by Euripides, lost. + +[514] The whole of these fragments are quoted at random and have no +meaning. Euripides, no doubt, wants to show that the choruses of +Aeschylus are void of interest or coherence. As to the refrain, "haste to +sustain the assault," Euripides possibly wants to insinuate that +Aeschylus incessantly repeats himself and that a wearying monotony +pervades his choruses. However, all these criticisms are in the main +devoid of foundation. + +[515] This ridiculous couplet pretends to imitate the redundancy and +nonsensicality of Aeschylus' language; it can be seen how superficial and +unfair the criticism of Euripides is; probably this is just what +Aristophanes wanted to convey by this long and wearisome scene. + +[516] The Scholiast conjectures this Melitus to be the same individual +who later accused Socrates. + +[517] The most infamous practices were attributed to the Lesbian women, +amongst others, that of _fellation_, that is the vile trick of taking a +man's penis in the mouth, to give him gratification by sucking and +licking it with the tongue. Dionysus means to say that Euripides takes +pleasure in describing shameful passions. + +[518] Here the criticism only concerns the rhythm and not either the +meaning or the style. This passage was sung to one of the airs that +Euripides had adopted for his choruses and which have not come down to +us; we are therefore absolutely without any data that would enable us to +understand and judge a criticism of this kind. + +[519] A celebrated courtesan, who was skilled in twelve different +postures of Venus. Aeschylus returns to his idea, which he has so often +indicated, that Euripides' poetry is low and impure; he at the same time +scoffs at the artifices to which Euripides had recourse when inspiration +and animation failed him. + +[520] No monologue of Euripides that has been preserved bears the +faintest resemblance to this specimen which. Aeschylus pretends to be +giving here. + +[521] Beginning of Euripides' 'Medea.' + +[522] Fragment from Aeschylus 'Philoctetes.' The Sperchius is a river in +Thessaly, which has its source in the Pindus range and its mouth in the +Maliac gulf. + +[523] A verse from Euripides' 'Antigoné.' Its meaning is, that it is +better to speak well than to speak the truth, if you want to persuade. + +[524] From the 'Niobe,' a lost play, of Aeschylus. + +[525] From the 'Telephus' of Euripides, in which he introduces Achilles +playing at dice. This line was also ridiculed by Eupolis. + +[526] From Euripides' 'Meleager.' All these plays, with the one exception +of the 'Medea,' are lost. + +[527] From the 'Glaucus Potniensis,' a lost play of Aeschylus. + +[528] i.e. one hundred porters, either because many of the Athenian +porters were Egyptians, or as an allusion to the Pyramids and other great +works, which had habituated them to carrying heavy burdens. + +[529] Euripides' friend and collaborator. + +[530] The invention of weights and measures, of dice, and of the game of +chess are attributed to him, also that of four additional letters of the +alphabet. + +[531] i.e. that cannot decide for either party. + +[532] i.e. that a country can always be invaded and that the fleet alone +is a safe refuge. This is the same advice as that given by Pericles, and +which Thucydides expresses thus, "Let your country be devastated, or even +devastate it yourself, and set sail for Laconia with your fleet." + +[533] An allusion to the fees of the dicasts, or jurymen; we have already +seen that at this period it was two obols, and later three. + +[534] A half-line from Euripides' 'Hippolytus.' The full line is: [Greek: +h_e gl_ott' om_omok', h_e de phr_en an_omotos,] "my tongue has taken an +oath, but my mind is unsworn," a bit of casuistry which the critics were +never tired of bringing up against the author. + +[535] A verse from the 'Aeolus' of Euripides, but slightly altered. +Euripides said, "Why is is shameful, if the spectators, who enjoy it, do +not think so?" + +[536] A verse from the 'Phrixus' of Euripides; what follows is a parody. + +[537] We have already seen Aeschylus pretending that it was possible to +adapt any foolish expression one liked to the verses of Euripides: "a +little bottle, a little bag, a little fleece." + +[538] Pluto speaks as though he were an Athenian himself. + +[539] That they should hang themselves. Cleophon is said to have been an +influential alien resident who was opposed to concluding peace; Myrmex +and Nicomachus were two officials guilty of peculation of public funds; +Archenomus is unknown. + +[540] He would brand them as fugitive slaves, if, despite his orders, +they refused to come down. + +[541] An Athenian admiral. + +[542] The real name of the father of Adimantus was Leucolophides, which +Aristophanes jestingly turns into Leucolophus, i.e. _White Crest_. + +[543] i.e. in a foreign country; Cleophon, as we have just seen, was not +an Athenian. + + + + +THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE + +or + +The Women's Festival + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +Like the 'Lysistrata,' the 'Thesmophoriazusae, or Women's Festival,' and +the next following play, the 'Ecclesiazusae, or Women in Council' are +comedies in which the fair sex play a great part, and also resemble that +extremely _scabreux_ production in the plentiful crop of doubtful 'double +entendres' and highly suggestive situations they contain. + +The play has more of a proper intrigue and formal dénouement than is +general with our Author's pieces, which, like modern extravaganzas and +musical comedies, are often strung on a very slender thread of plot. The +idea of the 'Thesmophoriazusae' is as follows. + +Euripides is summoned as a notorious woman-hater and detractor of the +female sex to appear for trial and judgment before the women of Athens +assembled to celebrate the Thesmophoria, a festival held in honour of the +goddesses Demeter and Persephone, from which men were rigidly excluded. +The poet is terror-stricken, and endeavours to persuade his confrère, the +tragedian Agathon, to attend the meeting in the guise of a woman to plead +his cause, Agathon's notorious effeminacy of costume and way of life +lending itself to the deception; but the latter refuses point-blank. He +then prevails on his father-in-law, Mnesilochus, to do him this favour, +and shaves, depilates, and dresses him up accordingly. But so far from +throwing oil on the troubled waters, Mnesilochus indulges in a long +harangue full of violent abuse of the whole sex, and relates some +scandalous stories of the naughty ways of peccant wives. The assembly +suspects at once there is a man amongst them, and on examination of the +old fellow's person, this is proved to be the case. He flies for +sanctuary to the altar, snatching a child from the arms of one of the +women as a hostage, vowing to kill it if they molest him further. On +investigation, however, the infant turns out to be a wine-skin dressed in +baby's clothes. + +In despair Mnesilochus sends urgent messages to Euripides to come and +rescue him from his perilous predicament. The latter then appears, and in +successive characters selected from his different Tragedies--now Menelaus +meeting Helen again in Egypt, now Echo sympathising with the chained +Andromeda, presently Perseus about to release the heroine from her +rock--pleads for his unhappy father-in-law. At length he succeeds in +getting him away in the temporary absence of the guard, a Scythian +archer, whom he entices from his post by the charms of a dancing-girl. + +As may be supposed, the appearance of Mnesilochus among the women dressed +in women's clothes, the examination of his person to discover his true +sex and his final detection, afford fine opportunities for a display of +the broadest Aristophanic humour. The latter part of the play also, where +various pieces of Euripides are burlesqued, is extremely funny; and must +have been still more so when represented before an audience familiar with +every piece and almost every line parodied, and played by actors trained +and got up to imitate every trick and mannerism of appearance and +delivery of the tragic actors who originally took the parts. + +The 'Thesmophoriazusae' was produced in the year 412 B.C., six years +before the death of Euripides, who is held up to ridicule in it, as he is +in 'The Wasps' and several other of our Author's comedies. + + * * * * * + +THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE + +or + +The Women's Festival + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +EURIPIDES. +MNESILOCHUS, Father-in-law of Euripides. +AGATHON. +SERVANT OF AGATHON. +CHORUS attending AGATHON. +HERALD. +WOMEN. +CLISTHENES. +A PRYTANIS or Member of the Council. +A SCYTHIAN or Police Officer. +CHORUS OF THESMOPHORIAZUSAE--women keeping the Feast of Demeter. + +SCENE: In front of Agathon's house; afterwards in the precincts of the +Temple of Demeter. + + * * * * * + +THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE + +or + +The Women's Festival + + +MNESILOCHUS. Great Zeus! will the swallow never appear to end the winter +of my discontent? Why the fellow has kept me on the run ever since early +this morning; he wants to kill me, that's certain. Before I lose my +spleen entirely, Euripides, can you at least tell me whither you are +leading me? + +EURIPIDES. What need for you to hear what you are going to see? + +MNESILOCHUS. How is that? Repeat it. No need for me to hear.... + +EURIPIDES. What you are going to see. + +MNESILOCHUS. Nor consequently to see.... + +EURIPIDES. What you have to hear.[544] + +MNESILOCHUS. What is this wiseacre stuff you are telling me? I must +neither see nor hear. + +EURIPIDES. Ah! but you have two things there that are essentially +distinct. + +MNESILOCHUS. Seeing and hearing. + +EURIPIDES. Undoubtedly. + +MNESILOCHUS. In what way distinct? + +EURIPIDES. In this way. Formerly, when Ether separated the elements and +bore the animals that were moving in her bosom, she wished to endow them +with sight, and so made the eye round like the sun's disc and bored ears +in the form of a funnel. + +MNESILOCHUS. And because of this funnel I neither see nor hear. Ah! great +gods! I am delighted to know it. What a fine thing it is to talk with +wise men! + +EURIPIDES. I will teach you many another thing of the sort. + +MNESILOCHUS. That's well to know; but first of all I should like to find +out how to grow lame, so that I need not have to follow you all about. + +EURIPIDES. Come, hear and give heed! + +MNESILOCHUS. I'm here and waiting. + +EURIPIDES. Do you see that little door? + +MNESILOCHUS. Yes, certainly. + +EURIPIDES. Silence! + +MNESILOCHUS. Silence about what? About the door? + +EURIPIDES. Pay attention! + +MNESILOCHUS. Pay attention and be silent about the door? Very well. + +EURIPIDES. 'Tis there that Agathon, the celebrated tragic poet, +dwells.[545] + +MNESILOCHUS. Who is this Agathon? + +EURIPIDES. 'Tis a certain Agathon.... + +MNESILOCHUS. Swarthy, robust of build? + +EURIPIDES. No, another. You have never seen him? + +MNESILOCHUS. He has a big beard? + +EURIPIDES. No, no, evidently you have never seen him. + +MNESILOCHUS. Never, so far as I know. + +EURIPIDES. And yet you have pedicated him. Well, it must have been +without knowing who he was. Ah! let us step aside; here is one of his +slaves bringing a brazier and some myrtle branches; no doubt he is going +to offer a sacrifice and pray for a happy poetical inspiration for +Agathon. + +SERVANT OF AGATHON. Silence! oh, people! keep your mouths sedately shut! +The chorus of the Muses is moulding songs at my master's hearth. Let the +winds hold their breath in the silent Ether! Let the azure waves cease +murmuring on the shore!... + +MNESILOCHUS. Brououou! brououou! (_Imitates the buzzing of a fly._) + +EURIPIDES. Keep quiet! what are you saying there? + +SERVANT. ... Take your rest, ye winged races, and you, ye savage +inhabitants of the woods, cease from your erratic wandering ... + +MNESILOCHUS. Broum, broum, brououou. + +SERVANT. ... for Agathon, our master, the sweet-voiced poet, is going ... + +MNESILOCHUS. ... to be pedicated? + +SERVANT. Whose voice is that? + +MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis the silent Ether. + +SERVANT. ... is going to construct the framework of a drama. He is +rounding fresh poetical forms, he is polishing them in the lathe and is +welding them; he is hammering out sentences and metaphors; he is working +up his subject like soft wax. First he models it and then he casts it in +bronze ... + +MNESILOCHUS. ... and sways his buttocks amorously. + +SERVANT. Who is the rustic who approaches this sacred enclosure? + +MNESILOCHUS. Take care of yourself and of your sweet-voiced poet! I have +a strong instrument here both well rounded and well polished, which will +pierce your enclosure and penetrate your bottom. + +SERVANT. Old man, you must have been a very insolent fellow in your +youth! + +EURIPIDES (_to the servant_). Let him be, friend, and, quick, go and call +Agathon to me. + +SERVANT. 'Tis not worth the trouble, for he will soon be here himself. He +has started to compose, and in winter[546] it is never possible to round +off strophes without coming to the sun to excite the imagination. (_He +departs._) + +MNESILOCHUS. And what am I to do? + +EURIPIDES. Wait till he comes.... Oh, Zeus! what hast thou in store for +me to-day? + +MNESILOCHUS. But, great gods, what is the matter then? What are you +grumbling and groaning for? Tell me; you must not conceal anything from +your father-in-law. + +EURIPIDES. Some great misfortune is brewing against me. + +MNESILOCHUS. What is it? + +EURIPIDES. This day will decide whether it is all over with Euripides or +not. + +MNESILOCHUS. But how? Neither the tribunals nor the Senate are sitting, +for it is the third of the five days consecrated to Demeter.[547] + +EURIPIDES. That is precisely what makes me tremble; the women have +plotted my ruin, and to-day they are to gather in the Temple of Demeter +to execute their decision. + +MNESILOCHUS. Why are they against you? + +EURIPIDES. Because I mishandle them in my tragedies. + +MNESILOCHUS. By Posidon, you would seem to have thoroughly deserved your +fate. But how are you going to get out of the mess? + +EURIPIDES. I am going to beg Agathon, the tragic poet, to go to the +Thesmophoria. + +MNESILOCHUS. And what is he to do there? + +EURIPIDES. He would mingle with the women, and stand up for me, if +needful. + +MNESILOCHUS. Would he be openly present or secretly? + +EURIPIDES. Secretly, dressed in woman's clothes. + +MNESILOCHUS. That's a clever notion, thoroughly worthy of you. The prize +for trickery is ours. + +EURIPIDES. Silence! + +MNESILOCHUS. What's the matter? + +EURIPIDES. Here comes Agathon. + +MNESILOCHUS. Where, where? + +EURIPIDES. That's the man they are bringing out yonder on the +machine.[548] + +MNESILOCHUS. I am blind then! I see no man here, I only see Cyrené.[549] + +EURIPIDES. Be still! He is getting ready to sing. + +MNESILOCHUS. What subtle trill, I wonder, is he going to warble to us? + +AGATHON. Damsels, with the sacred torch[550] in hand, unite your dance to +shouts of joy in honour of the nether goddesses; celebrate the freedom of +your country. + +CHORUS. To what divinity is your homage addressed? I wish to mingle mine +with it. + +AGATHON. Oh! Muse! glorify Phoebus with his golden bow, who erected the +walls of the city of the Simois.[551] + +CHORUS. To thee, oh Phoebus, I dedicate my most beauteous songs; to thee, +the sacred victor in the poetical contests. + +AGATHON. And praise Artemis too, the maiden huntress, who wanders on the +mountains and through the woods.... + +CHORUS. I, in my turn, celebrate the everlasting happiness of the chaste +Artemis, the mighty daughter of Latona! + +AGATHON. ... and Latona and the tones of the Asiatic lyre, which wed so +well with the dances of the Phrygian Graces.[552] + +CHORUS. I do honour to the divine Latona and to the lyre, the mother of +songs of male and noble strains. The eyes of the goddess sparkle while +listening to our enthusiastic chants. Honour to the powerful Phoebus! +Hail! thou blessed son of Latona! + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! ye venerable Genetyllides,[553] what tender and +voluptuous songs! They surpass the most lascivious kisses in sweetness; I +feel a thrill of delight pass up my rectum as I listen to them. Young +man, whoever you are, answer my questions, which I am borrowing from +Aeschylus' 'Lycurgeia.'[554] Whence comes this effeminate? What is his +country? his dress? What contradictions his life shows! A lyre and a +hair-net! A wrestling school oil flask and a girdle![555] What could be +more contradictory? What relation has a mirror to a sword? And you +yourself, who are you? Do you pretend to be a man? Where is the sign of +your manhood, your penis, pray? Where is the cloak, the footgear that +belong to that sex? Are you a woman? Then where are your breasts? Answer +me. But you keep silent. Oh! just as you choose; your songs display your +character quite sufficiently. + +AGATHON. Old man, old man, I hear the shafts of jealousy whistling by my +ears, but they do not hit me. My dress is in harmony with my thoughts. A +poet must adopt the nature of his characters. Thus, if he is placing +women on the stage, he must contract all their habits in his own person. + +MNESILOCHUS. Then you ride the high horse[556] when you are composing a +Phaedra. + +AGATHON. If the heroes are men, everything in him will be manly. What we +don't possess by nature, we must acquire by imitation. + +MNESILOCHUS. When you are staging Satyrs, call me; I will do my best to +help you from behind with standing tool. + +AGATHON. Besides, it is bad taste for a poet to be coarse and hairy. Look +at the famous Ibycus, at Anacreon of Teos, and at Alcaeus,[557] who +handled music so well; they wore headbands and found pleasure in the +lascivious dances of Ionia. And have you not heard what a dandy +Phrynichus was[558] and how careful in his dress? For this reason his +pieces were also beautiful, for the works of a poet are copied from +himself. + +MNESILOCHUS. Ah! so it is for this reason that Philocles, who is so +hideous, writes hideous pieces; Xenocles, who is malicious, malicious +ones, and Theognis,[559] who is cold, such cold ones? + +AGATHON. Yes, necessarily and unavoidably; and 'tis because I knew this +that I have so well cared for my person. + +MNESILOCHUS. How, in the gods' name? + +EURIPIDES. Come, leave off badgering him; I was just the same at his age, +when I began to write. + +MNESILOCHUS. At! then, by Zeus! I don't envy you your fine manners. + +EURIPIDES (_to Agathon_). But listen to the cause that brings me here. + +AGATHON. Say on. + +EURIPIDES. Agathon, wise is he who can compress many thoughts into few +words.[560] Struck by a most cruel misfortune, I come to you as a +suppliant. + +AGATHON. What are you asking? + +EURIPIDES. The women purpose killing me to-day during the Thesmophoria, +because I have dared to speak ill of them. + +AGATHON. And what can I do for you in the matter? + +EURIPIDES. Everything. Mingle secretly with the women by making yourself +pass as one of themselves; then do you plead my cause with your own lips, +and I am saved. You, and you alone, are capable of speaking of me +worthily. + +AGATHON. But why not go and defend yourself? + +EURIPIDES. 'Tis impossible. First of all, I am known; further, I have +white hair and a long beard; whereas you, you are good-looking, charming, +and are close-shaven; you are fair, delicate, and have a woman's voice. + +AGATHON. Euripides! + +EURIPIDES. Well? + +AGATHON. Have you not said in one of your pieces, "You love to see the +light, and don't you believe your father loves it too?"[561] + +EURIPIDES. Yes. + +AGATHON. Then never you think I am going to expose myself in your stead; +'twould be madness. 'Tis for you to submit to the fate that overtakes +you; one must not try to trick misfortune, but resign oneself to it with +good grace. + +MNESILOCHUS. This is why you, you wretch, offer your posterior with a +good grace to lovers, not in words, but in actual fact. + +EURIPIDES. But what prevents your going there? + +AGATHON. I should run more risk than you would. + +EURIPIDES. Why? + +AGATHON. Why? I should look as if I were wanting to trespass on secret +nightly pleasures of the women and to ravish their Aphrodité.[562] + +MNESILOCHUS. Of wanting to ravish indeed! you mean wanting to be +ravished--in the rearward mode. Ah! great gods! a fine excuse truly! + +EURIPIDES. Well then, do you agree? + +AGATHON. Don't count upon it. + +EURIPIDES. Oh! I am unfortunate indeed! I am undone! + +MNESILOCHUS. Euripides, my friend, my son-in-law, never despair. + +EURIPIDES. What can be done? + +MNESILOCHUS. Send him to the devil and do with me as you like. + +EURIPIDES. Very well then, since you devote yourself to my safety, take +off your cloak first. + +MNESILOCHUS. There, it lies on the ground. But what do you want to do +with me? + +EURIPIDES. To shave off this beard of yours, and to remove your hair +below as well. + +MNESILOCHUS. Do what you think fit; I yield myself entirely to you. + +EURIPIDES. Agathon, you have always razors about you; lend me one. + +AGATHON. Take if yourself, there, out of that case. + +EURIPIDES. Thanks. Sit down and puff out the right cheek. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! oh! oh! + +EURIPIDES. What are you shouting for? I'll cram a spit down your gullet, +if you're not quiet. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! (_He springs up and starts running +away._) + +EURIPIDES. Where are you running to now? + +MNESILOCHUS. To the temple of the Eumenides.[563] No, by Demeter I won't +let myself be gashed like that. + +EURIPIDES. But you will get laughed at, with your face half-shaven like +that. + +MNESILOCHUS. Little care I. + +EURIPIDES. In the gods' names, don't leave me in the lurch. Come here. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! by the gods! (_Resumes his seat._) + +EURIPIDES. Keep still and hold up your head. Why do you want to fidget +about like this? + +MNESILOCHUS. Mu, mu. + +EURIPIDES. Well! why, mu, mu? There! 'tis done and well done too! + +MNESILOCHUS Ah! great god! It makes me feel quite light. + +EURIPIDES. Don't worry yourself; you look charming. Do you want to see +yourself? + +MNESILOCHUS. Aye, that I do; hand the mirror here. + +EURIPIDES. Do you see yourself? + +MNESILOCHUS. But this is not I, it is Clisthenes![564] + +EURIPIDES. Stand up; I am now going to remove your hair. Bend down. + +MNESILOCHUS. Alas! alas! they are going to grill me like a pig. + +EURIPIDES. Come now, a torch or a lamp! Bend down and take care of the +tender end of your tail! + +MNESILOCHUS. Aye, aye! but I'm afire! oh! oh! Water, water, neighbour, or +my rump will be alight! + +EURIPIDES. Keep up your courage! + +MNESILOCHUS. Keep my courage, when I'm being burnt up? + +EURIPIDES. Come, cease your whining, the worst is over. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! it's quite black, all burnt below there all about the +hole! + +EURIPIDES. Don't worry! that will be washed off with a sponge. + +MNESILOCHUS. Woe to him who dares to wash my rump! + +EURIPIDES. Agathon, you refuse to devote yourself to helping me; but at +any rate lend me a tunic and a belt. You cannot say you have not got +them. + +AGATHON. Take them and use them as you like; I consent. + +MNESILOCHUS. What must be taken? + +EURIPIDES. What must be taken? First put on this long saffron-coloured +robe. + +MNESILOCHUS. By Aphrodité! what a sweet odour! how it smells of a man's +genitals![565] Hand it me quickly. And the belt? + +EURIPIDES. Here it is. + +MNESILOCHUS. Now some rings for my legs. + +EURIPIDES. You still want a hair-net and a head-dress. + +AGATHON. Here is my night-cap. + +EURIPIDES. Ah! that's capital. + +MNESILOCHUS. Does it suit me? + +AGATHON. It could not be better. + +EURIPIDES. And a short mantle? + +AGATHON. There's one on the couch; take it. + +EURIPIDES. He wants slippers. + +AGATHON. Here are mine. + +MNESILOCHUS. Will they fit me? You like a loose fit.[566] + +AGATHON. Try them on. Now that you have all you need, let me be taken +inside.[567] + +EURIPIDES. You look for all the world like a woman. But when you talk, +take good care to give your voice a woman's tone. + +MNESILOCHUS. I'll try my best. + +EURIPIDES. Come, get yourself to the temple. + +MNESILOCHUS. No, by Apollo, not unless you swear to me ... + +EURIPIDES. What? + +MNESILOCHUS. ... that, if anything untoward happen to me, you will leave +nothing undone to save me. + +EURIPIDES Very well! I swear it by the Ether, the dwelling-place of the +king of the gods.[568] + +MNESILOCHUS. Why not rather swear it by the disciples of +Hippocrates?[569] + +EURIPIDES. Come, I swear it by all the gods, both great and small. + +MNESILOCHUS. Remember, 'tis the heart, and not the tongue, that has +sworn;[570] for the oaths of the tongue concern me but little. + +EURIPIDES. Hurry yourself! The signal for the meeting has just been +displayed on the Temple of Demeter. Farewell. [_Exit._ + +MNESILOCHUS. Here, Thratta, follow me.[571] Look, Thratta, at the cloud +of smoke that arises from all these lighted torches. Ah! beautiful +Thesmophorae![572] grant me your favours, protect me, both within the +temple and on my way back! Come, Thratta, put down the basket and take +out the cake, which I wish to offer to the two goddesses. Mighty +divinity, oh, Demeter, and thou, Persephoné, grant that I may be able to +offer you many sacrifices; above all things, grant that I may not be +recognized. Would that my young daughter might marry a man as rich as he +is foolish and silly, so that she may have nothing to do but amuse +herself. But where can a place be found for hearing well? Be off, +Thratta, be off; slaves have no right to be present at this +gathering.[573] + +HERALD. Silence! Silence! Pray to the Thesmophorae, Demeter and Cora; +pray to Plutus,[574] Calligenia,[575] Curotrophos,[576] the Earth, Hermes +and the Graces, that all may happen for the best at this gathering, both +for the greatest advantage of Athens and for our own personal happiness! +May the award be given her, who, by both deeds and words, has most +deserved it from the Athenian people and from the women! Address these +prayers to heaven and demand happiness for yourselves. Io Paean! Io +Paean! Let us rejoice! + +CHORUS. May the gods deign to accept our vows and our prayers! Oh! +almighty Zeus, and thou, god with the golden lyre,[577] who reignest on +sacred Delos, and thou, oh, invincible virgin, Pallas, with the eyes of +azure and the spear of gold, who protectest our illustrious city, and +thou, the daughter of the beautiful Latona, the queen of the +forests,[578] who art adored under many names, hasten hither at my call. +Come, thou mighty Posidon, king of the Ocean, leave thy stormy whirlpools +of Nereus; come goddesses of the seas, come, ye nymphs, who wander on the +mountains. Let us unite our voices to the sounds of the golden lyre, and +may wisdom preside at the gathering of the noble matrons of Athens. + +HERALD. Address your prayers to the gods and goddesses of Olympus, of +Delphi, Delos and all other places; if there be a man who is plotting +against the womenfolk or who, to injure them, is proposing peace to +Euripides and the Medes, or who aspires to usurping the tyranny, plots +the return of a tyrant, or unmasks a supposititious child; or if there be +a slave who, a confidential party to a wife's intrigues, reveals them +secretly to her husband, or who, entrusted with a message, does not +deliver the same faithfully; if there be a lover who fulfils naught of +what he has promised a woman, whom he has abused on the strength of his +lies, if there be an old woman who seduces the lover of a maiden by dint +of her presents and treacherously receives him in her house; if there be +a host or hostess who sells false measure, pray the gods that they will +overwhelm them with their wrath, both them and their families, and that +they may reserve all their favours for you. + +CHORUS. Let us ask the fulfilment of these wishes both for the city and +for the people, and may the wisest of us cause her opinion to be +accepted. But woe to those women who break their oaths, who speculate on +the public misfortune, who seek to alter the laws and the decrees, who +reveal our secrets to the foe and admit the Medes into our territory so +that they may devastate it! I declare them both impious and criminal. Oh! +almighty Zeus! see to it that the gods protect us, albeit we are but +women! + +HERALD. Hearken, all of you! this is the decree passed by the Senate of +the Women under the presidency of Timoclea and at the suggestion of +Sostrata; it is signed by Lysilla, the secretary: "There will be a +gathering of the people on the morning of the third day of the +Thesmophoria, which is a day of rest for us; the principal business there +shall be the punishment that it is meet to inflict upon Euripides for the +insults with which he has loaded us." Now who asks to speak? + +FIRST WOMAN. I do. + +HERALD. First put on this garland, and then speak. Silence! let all be +quiet! Pay attention! for here she is spitting as orators generally do +before they begin; no doubt she has much to say. + +FIRST WOMAN. If I have asked to speak, may the goddesses bear me witness, +it was not for sake of ostentation. But I have long been pained to see us +women insulted by this Euripides, this son of the green-stuff woman,[579] +who loads us with every kind of indignity. Has he not hit us enough, +calumniated us sufficiently, wherever there are spectators, tragedians, +and a chorus? Does he not style us gay, lecherous, drunken, traitorous, +boastful? Does he not repeat that we are all vice, that we are the curse +of our husbands? So that, directly they come back from the theatre, they +look at us doubtfully and go searching every nook, fearing there may be +some hidden lover. We can do nothing as we used to, so many are the false +ideas which he has instilled into our husbands. Is a woman weaving a +garland for herself? 'Tis because she is in love.[580] Does she let some +vase drop while going or returning to the house? her husband asks her in +whose honour she has broken it, "It can only be for that Corinthian +stranger."[581] Is a maiden unwell? Straightway her brother says, "That +is a colour that does not please me."[582] And if a childless woman +wishes to substitute one, the deceit can no longer be a secret, for the +neighbours will insist on being present at her delivery. Formerly the old +men married young girls, but they have been so calumniated that none +think of them now, thanks to the verse: "A woman is the tyrant of the old +man who marries her."[583] Again, it is because of Euripides that we are +incessantly watched, that we are shut up behind bolts and bars, and that +dogs are kept to frighten off the gallants. Let that pass; but formerly +it was we who had the care of the food, who fetched the flour from the +storeroom, the oil and the wine; we can do it no more. Our husbands now +carry little Spartan keys on their persons, made with three notches and +full of malice and spite.[584] Formerly it sufficed to purchase a ring +marked with the same sign for three obols, to open the most securely +sealed-up door;[585] but now this pestilent Euripides has taught men to +hang seals of worm-eaten wood about their necks.[586] My opinion, +therefore, is that we should rid ourselves of our enemy by poison or by +any other means, provided he dies. That is what I announce publicly; as +to certain points, which I wish to keep secret, I propose to record them +on the secretary's minutes. + +CHORUS. Never have I listened to a cleverer or more eloquent woman. +Everything she says is true; she has examined the matter from all sides +and has weighed up every detail. Her arguments are close, varied, and +happily chosen. I believe that Xenocles himself, the son of Carcinus, +would seem to talk mere nonsense, if placed beside her. + +SECOND WOMAN. I have only a very few words to add, for the last speaker +has covered the various points of the indictment; allow me only to tell +you what happened to me. My husband died at Cyprus, leaving me five +children, whom I had great trouble to bring up by weaving chaplets on the +myrtle market. Anyhow, I lived as well as I could until this wretch had +persuaded the spectators by his tragedies that there were no gods; since +then I have not sold as many chaplets by half. I charge you therefore and +exhort you all to punish him, for does he not deserve it in a thousand +respects, he who loads you with troubles, who is as coarse toward you as +the green-stuff upon which his mother reared him? But I must back to the +market to weave my chaplets; I have twenty to deliver yet. + +CHORUS. This is even more animated and more trenchant than the first +speech; all she has just said is full of good sense and to the point; it +is clever, clear and well calculated to convince. Yes! we must have +striking vengeance on the insults of Euripides. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh, women! I am not astonished at these outbursts of fiery +rage; how could your bile not get inflamed against Euripides, who has +spoken so ill of you? As for myself, I hate the man, I swear it by my +children; 'twould be madness not to hate him! Yet, let us reflect a +little; we are alone and our words will not be repeated outside. Why be +so bent on his ruin? Because he has known and shown up two or three of +our faults, when we have a thousand? As for myself, not to speak of other +women, I have more than one great sin upon my conscience, but this is the +blackest of them. I had been married three days and my husband was asleep +by my side; I had a lover, who had seduced me when I was seven years old; +impelled by his passion, he came scratching at the door; I understood at +once he was there and was going down noiselessly. "Where are you going?" +asked my husband. "I am suffering terribly with colic," I told him, "and +am going to the closet." "Go," he replied, and started pounding together +juniper berries, aniseed, and sage.[587] As for myself, I moistened the +door-hinge[588] and went to find my lover, who embraced me, +half-reclining upon Apollo's altar[589] and holding on to the sacred +laurel with one hand. Well now! Consider! that is a thing of which +Euripides has never spoken. And when we bestow our favours on slaves and +muleteers for want of better, does he mention this? And when we eat +garlic early in the morning after a night of wantonness, so that our +husband, who has been keeping guard upon the city wall, may be reassured +by the smell and suspect nothing,[590] has Euripides ever breathed a word +of this? Tell me. Neither has he spoken of the woman who spreads open a +large cloak before her husband's eyes to make him admire it in full +daylight to conceal her lover by so doing and afford him the means of +making his escape. I know another, who for ten whole days pretended to be +suffering the pains of labour until she had secured a child; the husband +hurried in all directions to buy drugs to hasten her deliverance, and +meanwhile an old woman brought the infant in a stew-pot; to prevent its +crying she had stopped up its mouth with honey. With a sign she told the +wife that she was bringing a child for her, who at once began exclaiming, +"Go away, friend, go away, I think I am going to be delivered; I can feel +him kicking his heels in the belly ... of the stew-pot."[591] The husband +goes off full of joy, and the old wretch quickly picks the honey out of +the child's mouth, which sets a-crying; then she seizes the babe, runs to +the father and tells him with a smile on her face, "'Tis a lion, a lion, +that is born to you; 'tis your very image. Everything about it is like +you, even to its little tool, which is all twisty like a fir-cone." Are +these not our everyday tricks? Why certainly, by Artemis, and we are +angry with Euripides, who assuredly treats us no worse than we deserve! + +CHORUS. Great gods! where has she unearthed all that? What country gave +birth to such an audacious woman? Oh! you wretch! I should not have +thought ever a one of us could have spoken in public with such impudence. +'Tis clear, however, that we must expect everything and, as the old +proverb says, must look beneath every stone, lest it conceal some +orator[592] ready to sting us. There is but one thing in the world worse +than a shameless woman, and that's another woman. + +THIRD WOMAN. By Aglaurus![593] you have lost your wits, friends! You must +be bewitched to suffer this plague to belch forth insults against us all. +Is there no one has any spirit at all? If not, we and our maid-servants +will punish her. Run and fetch coals and let's depilate her cunt in +proper style, to teach her not to speak ill of her sex. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! no! have mercy, friends. Have we not the right to speak +frankly at this gathering? And because I have uttered what I thought +right in favour of Euripides, do you want to depilate me for my trouble? + +THIRD WOMAN. What! we ought not to punish you, who alone have dared to +defend the man who has done us so much harm, whom it pleases to put all +the vile women that ever were upon the stage, who only shows us +Melanippés Phaedras? But of Penelopé he has never said a word, because +she was reputed chaste and good. + +MNESILOCHUS. I know the reason. 'Tis because not a single Penelopé exists +among the women of to-day, but all without exception are Phaedras. + +THIRD WOMAN. Women, you hear how this creature still dares to speak of us +all. + +MNESILOCHUS. And, 'faith, I have not said all that I know. Do you want +any more? + +THIRD WOMAN. You cannot tell us any more; you have emptied your bag. + +MNESILOCHUS. Why, I have not told the thousandth part of what we women +do. Have I said how we use the hollow handles of our brooms to draw up +wine unbeknown to our husbands. + +THIRD WOMAN. The cursed jade! + +MNESILOCHUS. And how we give meats to our lovers at the feast of the +Apaturia and then accuse the cat.... + +THIRD WOMAN. She's mad! + +MNESILOCHUS. ... Have I mentioned the woman who killed her husband with a +hatchet? Of another, who caused hers to lose his reason with her potions? +And of the Acharnian woman ... + +THIRD WOMAN. Die, you bitch! + +MNESILOCHUS. ... who buried her father beneath the bath?[594] + +THIRD WOMAN. And yet we listen to such things? + +MNESILOCHUS. Have I told how you attributed to yourself the male child +your slave had just borne and gave her your little daughter? + +THIRD WOMAN. This insult calls for vengeance. Look out for your hair! + +MNESILOCHUS. By Zeus! don't touch me. + +THIRD WOMAN. There! + +MNESILOCHUS. There! tit for tat! (_They exchange blows._) + +THIRD WOMAN. Hold my cloak, Philista! + +MNESILOCHUS. Come on then, and by Demeter ... + +THIRD WOMAN. Well! what? + +MNESILOCHUS. ... I'll make you disgorge the sesame-cake you have +eaten.[595] + +CHORUS. Cease wrangling! I see a woman[596] running here in hot haste. +Keep silent, so that we may hear the better what she has to say. + +CLISTHENES. Friends, whom I copy in all things, my hairless chin +sufficiently evidences how dear you are to me; I am women-mad and make +myself their champion wherever I am. Just now on the market-place I heard +mention of a thing that is of the greatest importance to you; I come to +tell it you, to let you know it, so that you may watch carefully and be +on your guard against the danger which threatens you. + +CHORUS. What is it, my child? I can well call you child, for you have so +smooth a skin. + +CLISTHENES. 'Tis said that Euripides has sent an old man here to-day, one +of his relations ... + +CHORUS. With what object? What is his purpose? + +CLISTHENES. ... so that he may hear your speeches and inform him of your +deliberations and intentions. + +CHORUS. But how would a man fail to be recognized amongst women? + +CLISTHENES. Euripides singed and depilated him and disguised him as a +woman. + +MNESILOCHUS. This is pure invention! What man is fool enough to let +himself be depilated? As for myself, I don't believe a word of it. + +CLISTHENES. Are you mad? I should not have come here to tell you, if I +did not know it on indisputable authority. + +CHORUS. Great gods! what is it you tell us! Come, women, let us not lose +a moment; let us search and rummage everywhere! Where can this man have +hidden himself escape our notice? Help us to look, Clisthenes; we shall +thus owe you double thanks, dear friend. + +CLISTHENES (_to a fourth woman_). Well then! let us see. To begin with +you; who are you? + +MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Wherever am I to stow myself? + +CLISTHENES. Each and every one must pass the scrutiny. + +MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Oh! great gods! + +FOURTH WOMAN. You ask me who I am? I am the wife of Cleonymus.[597] + +CLISTHENES. Do you know this woman? + +CHORUS. Yes, yes, pass on to the rest. + +CLISTHENES. And she who carries the child? + +MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). I'm a dead man. (_He runs off._) + +CLISTHENES (_to Mnesilochus_). Hi! you there! where are you off to? Stop +there. What are you running away for? + +MNESILOCHUS. I want to relieve myself. + +CLISTHENES. The shameless thing! Come, hurry yourself; I will wait here +for you. + +CHORUS. Wait for her and examine her closely; 'tis the only one we do +not know. + +CLISTHENES. You are a long time about your business. + +MNESILOCHUS. Aye, my god, yes; 'tis because I am unwell, for I ate cress +yesterday.[598] + +CLISTHENES. What are you chattering about cress? Come here and be quick. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! don't pull a poor sick woman about like that. + +CLISTHENES. Tell me, who is your husband? + +MNESILOCHUS. My husband? Do you know a certain individual at +Cothocidae[599]...? + +CLISTHENES. Whom do you mean? Give his name. + +MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis an individual to whom the son of a certain individual +one day.... + +CLISTHENES. You are drivelling! Let's see, have you ever been here +before? + +MNESILOCHUS. Why certainly, every year. + +CLISTHENES. Who is your tent companion?[600] + +MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis a certain.... Oh! my god! + +CLISTHENES. You don't answer. + +FIFTH WOMAN. Withdraw, all of you; I am going to examine her thoroughly +about last year's mysteries. But move away, Clisthenes, for no man may +hear what is going to be said. Now answer my questions! What was done +first? + +MNESILOCHUS. Let's see then. What was done first? Oh! we drank. + +FIFTH WOMAN. And then? + +MNESILOCHUS. We drank to our healths. + +FIFTH WOMAN. You will have heard that from someone. And then? + +MNESILOCHUS. Xenylla relieved herself in a cup, for there was no other +vessel. + +FIFTH WOMAN. You trifle. Here, Clisthenes, here! This is the man of whom +you spoke. + +CLISTHENES. What is to be done then? + +FIFTH WOMAN. Take off his clothes, I can get nothing out of him. + +MNESILOCHUS. What! are you going to strip a mother of nine children +naked? + +CLISTHENES. Come, undo your girdle, you shameless thing. + +FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! what a sturdy frame! but she has no breasts like we +have. + +MNESILOCHUS. That's because I'm barren. I never had any children. + +FIFTH WOMAN. Oh! indeed! just now you were the mother of nine. + +CLISTHENES. Stand up straight. Hullo! what do I see there? Why, a penis +sticking out behind. + +FIFTH WOMAN. There's no mistaking it; you can see it projecting, and a +fine red it is. + +CLISTHENES. Where has it gone to now? + +FIFTH WOMAN. To the front. + +CLISTHENES. No. + +FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! 'tis behind now. + +CLISTHENES. Why, friend, 'tis for all the world like the Isthmus; you +keep pulling your tool backwards and forwards just as the Corinthians do +their ships.[601] + +FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! the wretch! this is why he insulted us and defended +Euripides. + +MNESILOCHUS. Aye, wretch indeed, what troubles have I not got into now! + +FIFTH WOMAN. What shall we do? + +CLISTHENES. Watch him closely, so that he does not escape. As for me, I +go to report the matter to the magistrates, the Prytanes. + +CHORUS. Let us kindle our lamps; let us go firmly to work and with +courage, let us take off our cloaks and search whether some other man has +not come here too; let us pass round the whole Pnyx,[602] examine the +tents and the passages.[603] Come, be quick, let us start off on a light +toe[604] and rummage all round in silence. Let us hasten, let us finish +our round as soon as possible. Look quickly for the traces that might +show you a man hidden here, let your glance fall on every side; look well +to the right and to the left. If we seize some impious fellow, woe to +him! He will know how we punish the outrage, the crime, the sacrilege. +The criminal will then acknowledge at last that gods exist; his fate will +teach all men that the deities must be revered, that justice must be +observed and that they must submit to the sacred laws. If not, then woe +to them! Heaven itself will punish sacrilege; being aflame with fury and +mad with frenzy, all their deeds will prove to mortals, both men and +women, that the deity punishes injustice and impiety, and that she is not +slow to strike. But I think I have now searched everywhere and that no +other man is hidden among us. + +SIXTH WOMAN. Where is he flying to? Stop him! stop him! Ah! miserable +woman that I am, he has torn my child from my breast and has disappeared +with it. + +MNESILOCHUS. Scream as loud as you will, but he shall never suck your +bosom more. If you do not let me go this very instant, I am going to cut +open the veins of his thighs with this cutlass and his blood shall flow +over the altar. + +SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! great gods! oh! friends, help me! terrify him with your +shrieks, triumph over this monster, permit him not to rob me of my only +child. + +CHORUS. Oh! oh! venerable Parcae, what fresh attack is this? 'Tis the +crowning act of audacity and shamelessness! What has he done now, +friends, what has he done? + +MNESILOCHUS. Ah! this insolence passes all bounds, but I shall know how +to curb it. + +CHORUS. What a shameful deed! the measure of his iniquities is full! + +SIXTH WOMAN. Aye, 'tis shameful that he should have robbed me of my +child. + +CHORUS. 'Tis past belief to be so criminal and so impudent! + +MNESILOCHUS. Ah! you're not near the end of it yet. + +SIXTH WOMAN. Little I care whence you come; you shall not return to boast +of having acted so odiously with impunity, for you shall be punished. + +MNESILOCHUS. You won't do it, by the gods! + +CHORUS. And what immortal would protect you for your crime? + +MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis in vain you talk! I shall not let go the child. + +CHORUS. By the goddesses, you will not laugh presently over your crime +and your impious speech. For with impiety, as 'tis meet, shall we reply +to your impiety. Soon fortune will turn round and overwhelm you. Come! +bring wood along. Let us burn the wretch, let us roast him as quickly as +possible. + +SIXTH WOMAN. Bring faggots, Mania! (_To Mnesilochus._) You will be mere +charcoal soon. + +CHORUS. Grill away, roast me, but you, my child, take off this Cretan +robe and blame no one but your mother for your death. But what does this +mean? The little girl is nothing but a skin filled with wine and shod +with Persian slippers.[605] Oh! you wanton, you tippling woman, who think +of nothing but wine; you are a fortune to the drinking-shops and are our +ruin; for the sake of drink, you neglect both your household and your +shuttle! + +SIXTH WOMAN. Faggots, Mania, plenty of them. + +MNESILOCHUS. Bring as many as you like. But answer me; are you the mother +of this brat? + +SIXTH WOMAN. I carried it ten months.[606] + +MNESILOCHUS. You carried it? + +SIXTH WOMAN. I swear it by Artemis. + +MNESILOCHUS. How much does it hold? Three cotylae?[607] Tell me. + +SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! what have you done? You have stripped the poor child +quite naked, and it is so small, so small. + +MNESILOCHUS. So small? + +SIXTH WOMAN. Yes, quite small, to be sure. + +MNESILOCHUS. How old is it? Has it seen the feast of cups thrice or four +times? + +SIXTH WOMAN. It was born about the time of the last Dionysia.[608] But +give it back to me. + +MNESILOCHUS. No, may Apollo bear me witness. + +SIXTH WOMAN. Well, then we are going to burn him. + +MNESILOCHUS. Burn me, but then I shall rip this open instantly. + +SIXTH WOMAN. No, no, I adjure you, don't; do anything you like to me +rather than that. + +MNESILOCHUS. What a tender mother you are; but nevertheless I shall rip +it open. (_Tears open the wine-skin_.) + +SIXTH WOMAN. Oh, my beloved daughter! Mania, hand me the sacred cup, that +I may at least catch the blood of my child. + +MNESILOCHUS. Hold it below; 'tis the sole favour I grant you. + +SIXTH WOMAN. Out upon you, you pitiless monster! + +MNESILOCHUS. This robe belongs to the priestess.[609] + +SIXTH WOMAN. What belongs to the priestess? + +MNESILOCHUS. Here, take it. (_Throws her the Cretan robe._) + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! unfortunate Mica! who has robbed you of your daughter, +your beloved child? + +SIXTH WOMAN. That wretch. But as you are here, watch him well, while I go +with Clisthenes to the Prytanes and denounce him for his crimes. + +MNESILOCHUS. Ah! how can I secure safety? what device can I hit on? what +can I think of? He whose fault it is, he who hurried me into this +trouble, will not come to my rescue. Let me see, whom could I best send +to him? Ha! I know a means taken from Palamedes; like him, I will write +my misfortune on some oars, which I will cast into the sea. But there are +no oars here. Where might I find some?[610] Where indeed? Bah! what if I +took these statues[611] instead of oars, wrote upon them and then threw +them towards this side and that. 'Tis the best thing to do. Besides, like +oars they are of wood. Oh! my hands, keep up your courage, for my safety +is at stake. Come, my beautiful tablets, receive the traces of my stylus +and be the messengers of my sorry fate. Oh! oh! this B looks miserable +enough! Where is it running to then? Come, off with you in all +directions, to the right and to the left; and hurry yourselves, for +there's much need indeed! + +CHORUS. Let us address ourselves to the spectators to sing our praises, +despite the fact that each one says much ill of women. If the men are to +be believed, we are a plague to them; through us come all their troubles, +quarrels, disputes, sedition, griefs and wars. But if we are truly such a +pest, why marry us? Why forbid us to go out or show ourselves at the +window? You want to keep this pest, and take a thousand cares to do it. +If your wife goes out and you meet her away from the house, you fly into +a fury. Ought you not rather to rejoice and give thanks to the gods? for +if the pest has disappeared, you will no longer find it at home. If we +fall asleep at friends' houses from the fatigue of playing and sporting, +each of you comes prowling round the bed to contemplate the features of +this pest. If we seat ourselves at the window, each one wants to see the +pest, and if we withdraw through modesty, each wants all the more to see +the pest perch herself there again. It is thus clear that we are better +than you, and the proof of this is easy. Let us find out which is worse +of the two sexes. We say, "'Tis you," while you aver, 'tis we. Come, let +us compare them in detail, each individual man with a woman. Charminus is +not equal to Nausimaché,[612] that's certain. Cleophon[613] is in every +respect inferior to Salabaccho.[614] 'Tis long now since any of you has +dared to contest the prize with Aristomaché, the heroine of Marathon, or +with Stratonicé.[615] + +Among the last year's Senators, who have just yielded their office to +other citizens, is there one who equals Eubulé?[616] Therefore we +maintain that men are greatly our inferiors. You see no woman who has +robbed the State of fifty talents rushing about the city in a magnificent +chariot; our greatest peculations are a measure of corn, which we steal +from our husbands, and even then we return it them the very same day. But +we could name many amongst you who do quite as much, and who are, even +more than ourselves, gluttons, parasites, cheats and kidnappers of +slaves. We know how to keep our property better than you. We still have +our cylinders, our beams,[617] our baskets and our sunshades; whereas +many among you have lost the wood of your spears as well as the iron, and +many others have cast away their bucklers on the battlefield. + +There are many reproaches we have the right to bring against men. The +most serious is this, that the woman, who has given birth to a useful +citizen, whether taxiarch or strategus[618] should receive some +distinction; a place of honour should be reserved for her at the Sthenia, +the Scirophoria,[619] and the other festivals that we keep. On the other +hand, she of whom a coward was born or a worthless man, a bad +trierarch[620] or an unskilful pilot, should sit with shaven head, behind +her sister who had borne a brave man. Oh! citizens! is it just, that the +mother of Hyperbolus should sit dressed in white and with loosened +tresses beside that of Lamachus[621] and lend out money on usury? He, who +may have done a deal of this nature with her, so far from paying her +interest, should not even repay the capital, saying, "What, pay you +interest? after you have given us this delightful son?" + +MNESILOCHUS. I have contracted quite a squint by looking round for him, +and yet Euripides does not come. Who is keeping him? No doubt he is +ashamed of his cold Palamedes.[622] What will attract him? Let us see! By +which of his pieces does he set most store? Ah! I'll imitate his +Helen,[623] his lastborn. I just happen to have a complete woman's +outfit. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. What are you ruminating over now again? Why are you +rolling up your eyes? You'll have no reason to be proud of your Helen, if +you don't keep quiet until one of the Prytanes arrives. + +MNESILOCHUS (_as Helen_). "These shores are those of the Nile with the +beautiful nymphs, these waters take the place of heaven's rain and +fertilize the white earth, that produces the black syrmea."[624] + +SEVENTH WOMAN. By bright Hecaté, you're a cunning varlet. + +MNESILOCHUS. "Glorious Sparta is my country and Tyndareus is my +father."[625] + +SEVENTH WOMAN. He your father, you rascal! Why, 'tis Phrynondas.[626] + +MNESILOCHUS. "I was given the name of Helen." + +SEVENTH WOMAN. What! you are again becoming a woman, before we have +punished you for having pretended it a first time! + +MNESILOCHUS. "A thousand warriors have died on my account on the banks of +the Scamander." + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Why have you not done the same? + +MNESILOCHUS. "And here I am upon these shores; Menelaus, my unhappy +husband, does not yet come. Ah! how life weighs upon me! Oh! ye cruel +crows, who have not devoured my body! But what sweet hope is this that +sets my heart a-throb? Oh, Zeus! grant it may not prove a lying one!" + +EURIPIDES (_as Menelaus_). "To what master does this splendid palace +belong? Will he welcome strangers who have been tried on the billows of +the sea by storm and shipwreck?"[627] + +MNESILOCHUS. "This is the palace of Proteus."[628] + +EURIPIDES. "Of what Proteus?" + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Oh! the thrice cursed rascal! how he lies! By the +goddesses, 'tis ten years since Proteas[629] died. + +EURIPIDES. "What is this shore whither the wind has driven our boat?" + +MNESILOCHUS. "It's Egypt." + +EURIPIDES. "Alas! how far we are from our own country!" + +SEVENTH WOMAN. But don't believe that cursed fool. This is Demeter's +Temple. + +EURIPIDES. "Is Proteus in these parts?" + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah, now, stranger, it must be sea-sickness that makes you +so distraught! You have been told that Proteas is dead, and yet you ask +if he is in these parts. + +EURIPIDES. "He is no more! Oh! woe! where lie his ashes?" + +MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis on his tomb you see me sitting. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. You call an altar a tomb! Beware of the rope! + +EURIPIDES. "And why remain sitting on this tomb, wrapped in this long +veil, oh, stranger lady?"[630] + +MNESILOCHUS. "They want to force me to marry a son of Proteus." + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! wretch, why tell such shameful lies? Stranger, this is +a rascal who has slipped in amongst us women to rob us of our trinkets. + +MNESILOCHUS (_to Seventh Woman_) "Shout! load me with your insults, for +little care I." + +EURIPIDES. "Who is the old woman who reviles you, stranger lady?" + +MNESILOCHUS. "'Tis Theonoé, the daughter of Proteus." + +SEVENTH WOMAN. I! Why, my name's Critylla, the daughter of +Antitheus,[631] of the deme of Gargettus;[632] as for you, you are a +rogue. + +MNESILOCHUS. "Your entreaties are vain. Never shall I wed your brother; +never shall I betray the faith I owe my husband Menelaus, who is fighting +before Troy." + +EURIPIDES. "What are you saying? Turn your face towards me." + +MNESILOCHUS. "I dare not; my cheeks show the marks of the insults I have +been forced to suffer." + +EURIPIDES "Oh! great gods! I cannot speak, for very emotion.... Ah! what +do I see? Who are you?" + +MNESILOCHUS. "And you, what is your name? for my surprise is as great as +yours." + +EURIPIDES. "Are you Grecian or born in this country?" + +MNESILOCHUS. "I am Grecian. But now your name, what is it?" + +EURIPIDES. "Oh! how you resemble Helen!" + +MNESILOCHUS. And you Menelaus, if I can judge by those pot-herbs.[633] + +EURIPIDES. "You are not mistaken, 'tis that unfortunate mortal who stands +before you." + +MNESILOCHUS. "Ah! how you have delayed coming to your wife's arms! Press +me to your heart, throw your arms about me, for I wish to cover you with +kisses. Carry me away, carry me away, quick, quick, far, very far from +here." + +SEVENTH WOMAN. By the goddesses, woe to him who would carry you away! I +should thrash him with my torch. + +EURIPIDES. "Do you propose to prevent me from taking my wife, the +daughter of Tyndareus, to Sparta?" + +SEVENTH WOMAN You seem to me to be a cunning rascal too; you are in +collusion with this man, and 'twas not for nothing that you kept babbling +about Egypt. But the hour for punishment has come; here is the magistrate +come with his archer. + +EURIPIDES. This grows awkward. Let me hide myself. + +MNESILOCHUS. And what is to become of me, poor unfortunate man? + +EURIPIDES. Be at ease. I shall never abandon you, as long as I draw +breath and one of my numberless artifices remains untried. + +MNESILOCHUS. The fish has not bitten this time. + +THE PRYTANIS. Is this the rascal of whom Clisthenes told us? Why are you +trying to make yourself so small? Archer, arrest him, fasten him to the +post, then take up your position there and keep guard over him. Let none +approach him. A sound lash with your whip for him who attempts to break +the order. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Excellent, for just now a rogue almost took him from me. + +MNESILOCHUS. Prytanis, in the name of that hand which you know so well +how to bend, when money is placed in it, grant me a slight favour before +I die. + +PRYTANIS. What favour? + +MNESILOCHUS. Order the archer to strip me before lashing me to the post; +the crows, when they make their meal on the poor old man, would laugh too +much at this robe and head-dress. + +PRYTANIS. 'Tis in that gear that you must be exposed by order of the +Senate, so that your crime may be patent to the passers-by. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! cursed robe, the cause of all my misfortune! My last +hope is thus destroyed! + +CHORUS. Let us now devote ourselves to the sports which the women are +accustomed to celebrate here, when time has again brought round the +mighty Mysteries of the great goddesses, the sacred days which +Pauson[634] himself honours by fasting and would wish feast to succeed +feast, that he might keep them all holy. Spring forward with a light +step, whirling in mazy circles; let your hands interlace, let the eager +and rapid dancers sway to the music and glance on every side as they +move. Let the chorus sing likewise and praise the Olympian gods in their +pious transport. + +'Tis wrong to suppose that, because I am a woman and in this Temple, I am +going to speak ill of men; but since we want something fresh, we are +going through the rhythmic steps of the round dance for the first time. + +Start off while you sing to the god of the lyre and to the chaste goddess +armed with the bow. Hail! thou god who flingest thy darts so far,[635] +grant us the victory! The homage of our song is also due to Heré, the +goddess of marriage, who interests herself in every chorus and guards the +approach to the nuptial couch. I also pray Hermes, the god of the +shepherds, and Pan and the beloved Graces to bestow a benevolent smile +upon our songs. + +Let us lead off anew, let us double our zeal during our solemn days, and +especially let us observe a close fast; let us form fresh measures that +keep good time, and may our songs resound to the very heavens. Do thou, +oh divine Bacchus, who art crowned with ivy, direct our chorus; 'tis to +thee that both my hymns and my dances are dedicated; oh, Evius, oh, +Bromius,[636] oh, thou son of Semelé, oh, Bacchus, who delightest to +mingle with the dear choruses of the nymphs upon the mountains, and who +repeatest, while dancing with them, the sacred hymn, Evius, Evius, Evoe. +Echo, the nymph of Cithaeron returns thy words, which resound beneath the +dark vaults of the thick foliage and in the midst of the rocks of the +forest; the ivy enlaces thy brow with its tendrils charged with flowers. + +SCYTHIAN ARCHER.[637] You shall stay here in the open air to wail. + +MNESILOCHUS. Archer, I adjure you. + +SCYTHIAN. 'Tis labour lost. + +MNESILOCHUS. Loosen the wedge a little.[638] + +SCYTHIAN. Aye, certainly. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! by the gods! why, you are driving it in tighter. + +SCYTHIAN. Is that enough? + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! la, la! oh! la, la! May the plague take you! + +SCYTHIAN. Silence! you cursed old wretch! I am going to get a mat to lie +upon, so as to watch you close at hand at my ease. + +MNESILOCHUS. Ah! what exquisite pleasures Euripides is securing for me! +But, oh, ye gods! oh, Zeus the Deliverer, all is not yet lost! I don't +believe him the man to break his word; I just caught sight of him +appearing in the form of Perseus, and he told me with a mysterious sign +to turn myself into Andromeda. And in truth am I not really bound? 'Tis +certain, then, that he is coming to my rescue; for otherwise he would not +have steered his flight this way.[639] + +EURIPIDES (_as Perseus_). Oh Nymphs, ye virgins who are dear to me, how +am I to approach him? how can I escape the sight of this Scythian? And +Echo, thou who reignest in the inmost recesses of the caves, oh! favour +my cause and permit me to approach my spouse. + +MNESILOCHUS (_as Andromeda_).[640] A pitiless ruffian has chained up the +most unfortunate of mortal maids. Alas! I had barely escaped the filthy +claws of an old fury, when another mischance overtook me! This Scythian +does not take his eye off me and he has exposed me as food for the crows. +Alas! what is to become of me, alone here and without friends! I am not +seen mingling in the dances nor in the games of my companions, but +heavily loaded with fetters I am given over to the voracity of a +Glaucetes.[641] Sing no bridal hymn for me, oh women, but rather the hymn +of captivity, and in tears. Ah! how I suffer! great gods! how I suffer! +Alas! alas! and through my own relatives too![642] My misery would make +Tartarus dissolve into tears! Alas! in my terrible distress, I implore +the mortal who first shaved me and depilated me, then dressed me in this +long robe, and then sent me to this Temple into the midst of the women, +to save me. Oh, thou pitiless Fate! I am then accursed, great gods! Ah! +who would not be moved at the sight of the appalling tortures under which +I succumb? Would that the blazing shaft of the lightning would wither... +this barbarian for me! (_pointing to the Scythian archer_) for the +immortal light has no further charm for my eyes since I have been +descending the shortest path to the dead, tied up, strangled, and +maddened with pain. + +EURIPIDES (as _Echo_). Hail! beloved girl. As for your father, Cepheus, +who has exposed you in this guise, may the gods annihilate him. + +MNESILOCHUS (_as Andromeda_). And who are you whom my misfortunes have +moved to pity? + +EURIPIDES. I am Echo, the nymph who repeats all she hears. 'Tis I, who +last year lent my help to Euripides in this very place.[643] But, my +child, give yourself up to the sad laments that belong to your pitiful +condition. + +MNESILOCHUS. And you will repeat them? + +EURIPIDES. I will not fail you. Begin. + +MNESILOCHUS. "Oh! thou divine Night! how slowly thy chariot threads its +way through the starry vault, across the sacred realms of the Air and +mighty Olympus." + +EURIPIDES. Mighty Olympus. + +MNESILOCHUS. "Why is it necessary that Andromeda should have all the woes +for her share?" + +EURIPIDES. For her share. + +MNESILOCHUS. "Sad death!" + +EURIPIDES. Sad death! + +MNESILOCHUS. You weary me, old babbler. + +EURIPIDES. Old babbler. + +MNESILOCHUS. Oh! you are too unbearable. + +EURIPIDES. Unbearable. + +MNESILOCHUS. Friend, let me talk by myself. Do please let me. Come, +that's enough. + +EURIPIDES. That's enough. + +MNESILOCHUS. Go and hang yourself! + +EURIPIDES. Go and hang yourself! + +MNESILOCHUS. What a plague! + +EURIPIDES. What a plague! + +MNESILOCHUS. Cursed brute! + +EURIPIDES. Cursed brute! + +MNESILOCHUS. Beware of blows! + +EURIPIDES. Beware of blows! + +SCYTHIAN. Hullo! what are you jabbering about? + +EURIPIDES. What are you jabbering about? + +SCYTHIAN. I go to call the Prytanes. + +EURIPIDES. I go to call the Prytanes. + +SCYTHIAN. This is odd! + +EURIPIDES. This is odd! + +SCYTHIAN. Whence comes this voice? + +EURIPIDES. Whence comes this voice. + +SCYTHIAN. Ah! beware! + +EURIPIDES. Ah! beware! + +SCYTHIAN (_to Mnesilochus_). Are you mocking me? + +EURIPIDES. Are you mocking me? + +MNESILOCHUS. No, 'tis this woman, who stands near you. + +EURIPIDES. Who stands near you. + +SCYTHIAN. Where is the hussy? Ah! she is escaping! Whither, whither are +you escaping? + +EURIPIDES. Whither, whither are you escaping? + +SCYTHIAN. You shall not get away. + +EURIPIDES. You shall not get away. + +SCYTHIAN. You are chattering still? + +EURIPIDES. You are chattering still? + +SCYTHIAN. Stop the hussy. + +EURIPIDES. Stop the hussy. + +SCYTHIAN. What a babbling, cursed woman! + +EURIPIDES (_as Perseus_). "Oh! ye gods! to what barbarian land has my +swift flight taken me? I am Perseus, who cleaves the plains of the air +with my winged feet, and I am carrying the Gorgon's head to Argos." + +SCYTHIAN. What, are you talking about the head of Gorgos,[644] the +scribe? + +EURIPIDES. No, I am speaking of the head of the Gorgon. + +SCYTHIAN. Why, yes! of Gorgus! + +EURIPIDES. "But what do I behold? A young maiden, beautiful as the +immortals, chained to this rock like a vessel in port?" + +MNESILOCHUS. Take pity on me, oh, stranger! I am so unhappy and +distraught! Free me from these bonds. + +SCYTHIAN. Don't you talk! a curse upon your impudence! you are going to +die, and yet you will be chattering! + +EURIPIDES. "Oh! virgin! I take pity on your chains." + +SCYTHIAN. But this is no virgin; 'tis an old rogue, a cheat and a thief. + +EURIPIDES. You have lost your wits, Scythian. This is Andromeda, the +daughter of Cepheus. + +SCYTHIAN. But just look at this tool; is that like a woman? + +EURIPIDES. Give me your hand, that I may descend near this young maiden. +Each man has his own particular weakness; as for me I am aflame with love +for this virgin. + +SCYTHIAN. Oh! I'm not jealous; and as he has his back turned this way, +why, I make no objection to your pedicating him. + +EURIPIDES. "Ah! let me release her, and hasten to join her on the bridal +couch." + +SCYTHIAN. If this old man instils you with such ardent concupiscence, +why, you can bore through the plank, and so get at his behind. + +EURIPIDES. No, I will break his bonds. + +SCYTHIAN. Beware of my lash! + +EURIPIDES. No matter. + +SCYTHIAN. This blade shall cut off your head. + +EURIPIDES. "Ah! what can be done? what arguments can I use? This savage +will understand nothing! The newest and most cunning fancies are a dead +letter to the ignorant. Let us invent some artifice to fit in with his +coarse nature." + +SCYTHIAN. I can see the rascal is trying to outwit me. + +MNESILOCHUS. Ah! Perseus! remember in what condition you are leaving me. + +SCYTHIAN. Are you wanting to feel my lash again! + +CHORUS. + +Oh! Pallas, who art fond of dances, hasten hither at my call. Oh! thou +chaste virgin, the protectress of Athens, I call thee in accordance with +the sacred rites, thee, whose evident protection we adore and who keepest +the keys of our city in thy hands. Do thou appear, thou whose just hatred +has overturned our tyrants. The womenfolk are calling thee; hasten hither +at their bidding along with Peace, who shall restore the festivals. And +ye, august goddesses,[645] display a smiling and propitious countenance +to our gaze; come into your sacred grove, the entry to which is forbidden +to men; 'tis there in the midst of sacred orgies that we contemplate your +divine features. Come, appear, we pray it of you, oh, venerable +Thesmophoriae! If you have ever answered our appeal, oh! come into our +midst. + +EURIPIDES. Women, if you will be reconciled with me, I am willing, and I +undertake never to say anything ill of you in future. Those are my +proposals for peace. + +CHORUS. And what impels you to make these overtures? + +EURIPIDES. This unfortunate man, who is chained to the post, is my +father-in-law; if you will restore him to me, you will have no more cause +to complain of me; but if not, I shall reveal your pranks to your +husbands when they return from the war. + +CHORUS. We accept peace, but there is this barbarian whom you must buy +over. + +EURIPIDES. That's my business. (_He returns as an old woman and is +accompanied by a dancing-girl and a flute-girl._) Come, my little wench, +bear in mind what I told you on the road and do it well. Come, go past +him and gird up your robe. And you, you little dear, play us the air of a +Persian dance. + +SCYTHIAN. What is this music that makes me so blithe? + +EURIPIDES (_as an old woman_). Scythian, this young girl is going to +practise some dances, which she has to perform at a feast presently. + +SCYTHIAN. Very well! let her dance and practise; I won't hinder her. How +nimbly she bounds! one might think her a flea on a fleece. + +EURIPIDES. Come, my dear, off with your robe and seat yourself on the +Scythian's knee; stretch forth your feet to me, that I may take off your +slippers. + +SCYTHIAN. Ah! yes, seat yourself, my little girl, ah! yes, to be sure. +What a firm little bosom! 'tis just like a turnip. + +EURIPIDES (_to the flute-girl_). An air on the flute, quick! (_To the +dancing-girl._) Well! are you still afraid of the Scythian? + +SCYTHIAN. What beautiful thighs! + +EURIPIDES. Come! keep still, can't you? + +SCYTHIAN. 'Tis altogether a very fine morsel to make a man's cock stand. + +EURIPIDES. That's so! (_To the dancing-girl._) Resume your dress, it is +time to be going. + +SCYTHIAN. Give me a kiss. + +EURIPIDES (_to the dancing-girl_). Come, give him a kiss. + +SCYTHIAN. Oh! oh! oh! my goodness, what soft lips! 'tis like Attic honey. +But might she not stop with me? + +EURIPIDES. Impossible, archer; good evening. + +SCYTHIAN. Oh! oh! old woman, do me this pleasure. + +EURIPIDES. Will you give a drachma? + +SCYTHIAN. Aye, that I will. + +EURIPIDES. Hand over the money. + +SCYTHIAN. I have not got it, but take my quiver in pledge. + +EURIPIDES. You will bring her back? + +SCYTHIAN. Follow me, my beautiful child. And you, old woman, just keep +guard over this man. But what is your name? + +EURIPIDES. Artemisia. Can you remember that name? + +SCYTHIAN. Artemuxia.[646] Good! + +EURIPIDES (_aside_). Hermes, god of cunning, receive my thanks! +everything is turning out for the best. (_To the Scythian._) As for you, +friend, take away this girl, quick. (_Exit the Scythian with the +dancing-girl._) Now let me loose his bonds. (_To Mnesilochus._) And you, +directly I have released you, take to your legs and run off full tilt to +your home to find your wife and children. + +MNESILOCHUS. I shall not fail in that as soon as I am free. + +EURIPIDES (_releases Mnesilochus_). There! 'Tis done. Come, fly, before +the archer lays his hand on you again. + +MNESILOCHUS. That's just what I am doing. [_Exit with Euripides._ + +SCYTHIAN. Ah! old woman! what a charming little girl! Not at all the +prude, and so obliging! Eh! where is the old woman? Ah! I am undone! And +the old man, where is he? Hi! old woman! old woman! Ah! but this is a +dirty trick! Artemuxia! she has tricked me, that's what the little old +woman has done! Get clean out of my sight, you cursed quiver! (_Picks it +up and throws it across the stage._) Ha! you are well named quiver, for +you have made me quiver indeed.[647] Oh! what's to be done? Where is the +old woman then? Artemuxia! + +CHORUS. Are you asking for the old woman who carried the lyre? + +SCYTHIAN. Yes, yes; have you seen her? + +CHORUS. She has gone that way along with an old man. + +SCYTHIAN. Dressed in a long robe? + +CHORUS. Yes; run quick, and you will overtake them. + +SCYTHIAN. Ah! rascally old woman! Which way has she fled? Artemuxia! + +CHORUS. Straight on; follow your nose. But, hi! where are you running to +now? Come back, you are going exactly the wrong way. + +SCYTHIAN. Ye gods! ye gods! and all this while Artemuxia is escaping. +[_Exit running._ + +CHORUS. Go your way! and a pleasant journey to you! But our sports have +lasted long enough; it is time for each of us to be off home; and may the +two goddesses reward us for our labours! + + * * * * * + +FINIS OF "THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE" + + * * * * * + +Footnotes: + +[544] Aristophanes parodies Euripides' language, which is occasionally +sillily sententious. + +[545] He flourished about 420 B.C. and composed many tragedies, such as +'Telephus,' 'Thyestes,' which are lost. Some fragments of his work are to +be found in Aristotle and in Athenaeus; he also distinguished himself as +a musician. The banquet, which gave his name to one of Plato's dialogues, +is supposed to have taken place at his house. + +[546] The Thesmophoria were celebrated in the month of Pyanepsion, or +November. + +[547] The Thesmophoria lasted five days; they were dedicated to Demeter +Thesmophoros, or Legislatress, in recognition of the wise laws she had +given mankind. For many days before the solemn event, the women of high +birth (who alone were entitled to celebrate it) had to abstain from all +pleasures that appealed to the senses, even the most legitimate, and to +live with the greatest sobriety. The presiding priest at the Thesmophoria +was always chosen from the sacerdotal family of the Eumolpidae, the +descendants of Eumolpus, the son of Posidon. At these feasts, the worship +of Persephoné was associated with that of Demeter. + +[548] Refers presumably to the [Greek: ekkukl_ema], a piece of machinery +by means of which interiors were represented on the Greek stage--room and +occupant being in some way wheeled out into view of the spectators +bodily. + +[549] A celebrated 'lady of pleasure'; Agathon is like her by reason of +his effeminate, wanton looks and dissolute habits. + +[550] Demeter is represented wandering, torch in hand, about the universe +looking for her lost child Proserpine (Persephoné). + +[551] Troy. + +[552] Agathon, in accordance with his character, voluptuousness, is +represented as preferring the effeminate music and lascivious dances of +Asia. + +[553] Goddesses who presided over generation; see also the 'Lysistrata.' + +[554] A tetralogy, a series of four dramas connected by subject, of which +the principal character was Lycurgus, king of the Thracians. When Bacchus +returned to Thrace as conqueror of the Indies he dared to deride the god, +and was punished by him in consequence. All four plays are lost. + +[555] That is, the attributes of a man and those of a woman combined. + +[556] That is, you make love in the posture known as 'the horse,' +_equus_, in other words the woman atop of the man. There is a further +joke intended here, inasmuch as Euripides, in his 'Phaedra,' represents +the heroine as being passionately addicted to hunting and horses. + +[557] Ibycus, a lyric poet of the sixth century, originally from Rhegium +in Magna Graecia.--Anacreon, a celebrated erotic poet of the beginning of +the fifth century.--Alcaeus, a lyric poet, born about 600 B.C. at +Mytilené, in the island of Lesbos, was driven out of his country by a +tyrant and sang of his loves, his services as a warrior, his travels and +the miseries of his exile. He was a contemporary of Sappho, and conceived +a passion for her, which she only rewarded with disdain. + +[558] Phrynichus, a disciple of Thespis, improved the dramatic art, when +still no more than a child; it was he who first introduced female +characters upon the stage and made use of the iambic of six feet in +tragedies. He flourished about 500 B.C. + +[559] Philocles, Xenocles, and Theognis were dramatic poets and +contemporaries of Aristophanes. The two first were sons of Carcinus, the +poet and dancer. + +[560] Fragment of Euripides' 'Aeolus,' a lost drama. + +[561] Fragment of Euripides' well-known play, the 'Alcestis.' + +[562] An allusion to the secret practices of mutual love which the women +assembled for the Thesmophoria were credited by popular repute with +indulging in. + +[563] That is, to sanctuary. + +[564] An effeminate often mentioned by Aristophanes. + +[565] An allusion to the pederastic habits which the poet attributes to +Agathon. + +[566] An obscene allusion. + +[567] On the machine upon which he is perched. + +[568] A fragment of the 'Menalippé' of Euripides. + +[569] The ether played an important part in the physical theories of +Hippocrates, the celebrated physician. + +[570] An allusion to a verse in his 'Hippolytus,' where Euripides says, +"_The tongue has sworn, but the heart is unsworn._" See also 'The Frogs.' + +[571] The name of a slave; being disguised as a woman, Mnesilochus has +himself followed by a female servant, a Thracian slave-woman. + +[572] Demeter and Cora (or Persephoné), who were adored together during +the Thesmophoria. + +[573] Women slaves were forbidden by law to be present at the +Thesmophoria; they remained at the door of the temple and there waited +for the orders of their mistresses. + +[574] The god of riches. + +[575] The nurse of Demeter. According to another version, Calligenia was +a surname of Demeter herself, who was adored as presiding over the growth +of a child at its mother's breast. + +[576] A surname of Demeter, who, by means of the food she produces as +goddess of abundance, presides over the development of the bodies of +children and young people. Curotrophos is derived from [Greek: trephein], +to nourish, and [Greek: kouros], young boy. + +[577] Apollo. + +[578] Artemis. + +[579] An insult which Aristophanes constantly repeats in every way he +can; as we have seen before, Euripides' mother was, or was commonly said +to be, a market-woman. + +[580] Lovers sent each other chaplets and flowers. + +[581] In parody of a passage in the 'Sthenoboea' of Euripides, which is +preserved in Athenaeus. + +[582] He believes her pregnant. + +[583] A fragment from the 'Phoenix,' by Euripides. + +[584] It seems that the Spartan locksmiths were famous for their skill. + +[585] The women broke the seals their husbands had affixed, and then, +with the aid of their ring bearing the same device, they replaced them as +before. + +[586] The impression of which was too complicated and therefore could not +be imitated. + +[587] As a remedy against the colic. + +[588] So that it might not creak when opened. + +[589] An altar in the form of a column in the front vestibule of houses +and dedicated to Apollo. + +[590] Because the smell of garlic is not inviting to gallants. + +[591] The last words are the thoughts of the woman, who pretends to be in +child-bed; she is, however, careful not to utter them to her husband. + +[592] The proverb runs, "_There is a scorpion beneath every stone._" By +substituting _orator_ for _scorpion_, Aristophanes means it to be +understood that one is no less venomous than the other. + +[593] There were two women named Aglaurus. One, the daughter of Actaeus, +King of Attica, married Cecrops and brought him the kingship as her +dowry; the other was the daughter of Cecrops, and was turned into stone +for having interfered from jealousy with Hermes' courtship of Hersé her +sister. It was this second Aglaurus the Athenian women were in the habit +of invoking; they often associated with her her sister Pandrosus. + +[594] Underneath the baths were large hollow chambers filled with steam +to maintain the temperature of the water. + +[595] By kicking her in the stomach. + +[596] Clisthenes is always represented by Aristophanes as effeminate in +the extreme in dress and habits. + +[597] The coward, often mentioned with contempt by Aristophanes, had +thrown away his shield. + +[598] The ancients believed that cress reduced the natural secretions. + +[599] A deme of Attica. + +[600] The women lodged in pairs during the Thesmophoria in tents erected +near the Temple of Demeter. + +[601] The Corinthians were constantly passing their vessels across the +isthmus from one sea to the other; we know that the Grecian ships were of +very small dimensions. + +[602] This was the name of the place where the Ecclesia, the public +meeting of the people, took place; the chorus gives this name here to +Demeter's temple, because the women are gathered there. + +[603] The spaces left free between the tents, and which served as +passage-ways. + +[604] A choric dance began here. + +[605] A woman's footgear.--On undressing the supposed child, Mnesilochus +perceives that it is nothing but a skin of wine. + +[606] Dr. P. Menier repeatedly points out in his "La médecine et les +poètes latins," that the ancient writers constantly spoke of ten months +as being a woman's period of gestation. + +[607] A cotyla contained nearly half a pint. + +[608] Both the Feast of Cups and the Dionysia were dedicated to Bacchus, +the god of wine; it is for this reason that Mnesilochus refers to the +former when guessing the wine-skin's age. + +[609] The Cretan robe that had covered the wine-skin. + +[610] An allusion to the tragedy by Euripides called 'Palamedes,' which +belonged to the tetralogy of the Troades, and was produced in 414 B.C. +Aristophanes is railing at the strange device which the poet makes Oeax +resort to. Oeax was Palamedes' brother, and he is represented as +inscribing the death of the latter on a number of oars with the hope that +at least one would reach the shores of Euboea and thus inform his father, +Nauplias, the king of the fact. + +[611] The images of the various gods which were invoked at the +Thesmophoria, and the enumeration of which we have already had. + +[612] Charminus, an Athenian general, who had recently been defeated at +sea by the Spartans.--Nausimaché was a courtesan, but her name is +purposely chosen because of its derivation ([Greek: naus], ship, and +[Greek: mach_e], fight), so as to point more strongly to Charminus' +disgrace. + +[613] A general and an Athenian orator. + +[614] A courtesan. + +[615] Aristomaché ([Greek: mach_e], fight, and [Greek: arist_e], +excellent) and Stratonicé ([Greek: stratos], army, and [Greek: nik_e], +victory) are imaginary names, invented to show the decadence of the +Athenian armies. + +[616] Eubulé ([Greek: eu], well, and [Greek: bouleuesthai], to +deliberate) is also an imaginary name. The poet wishes to say that in +that year wisdom had not ruled the decisions of the Senate; they had +allowed themselves to be humbled by the tyranny of the Four Hundred. + +[617] The cylinder and the beams were the chief tools of the weaver. It +was the women who did this work. + +[618] The taxiarch had the command of 128 men; the strategus had the +direction of an army. + +[619] The Sthenia were celebrated in honour of Athené Sthenias, or the +goddess of force; the women were then wont to attack each other with +bitter sarcasms.--During the Scirophoria ([Greek: skiron], canopy) the +statues of Athené, Demeter, Persephone, the Sun and Posidon were carried +in procession under canopies with great pomp. + +[620] The trierarchs were rich citizens, whose duty it was to maintain +the galleys or triremes of the fleet. + +[621] Hyperbolus is incessantly railed at by Aristophanes as a traitor +and an informer. Lamachus, although our poet does not always spare him, +was a brave general; he had been one of the commanders of the Sicilian +Expedition. + +[622] It will be remembered that Mnesilochus had employed a similar +device to one imputed to Oeax by Euripides in his 'Palamedes,' in order +to inform his father-in-law of his predicament. + +[623] A tragedy, in which Menelaus is seen in Egypt, whither he has gone +to seek Helen, who is detained there. + +[624] These are the opening verses of Euripides' 'Helen,' with the +exception of the last words, which are a parody.--Syrmea is a purgative +plant very common in Egypt. Aristophanes speaks jestingly of the white +soil of Egypt, because the slime of the Nile is very black. + +[625] This reply and those that follow are fragments from 'Helen.' + +[626] An infamous Athenian, whose name had become a byword for everything +that was vile. + +[627] The whole of this dialogue between Mnesilochus and Euripides is +composed of fragments taken from 'Helen,' slightly parodied at times. + +[628] King of Egypt. + +[629] Son of Epicles, and mentioned by Thucydides. + +[630] Aristophanes invents this in order to give coherence to what +follows. + +[631] An Athenian general whom Thucydides mentions. + +[632] A deme of Attica. + +[633] No doubt Euripides appeared on the stage carrying some herbs in his +hand or wearing them in his belt, so as to recall his mother's calling. +If the gibes of Aristophanes can be believed, she dealt in vegetables, as +we have noted repeatedly. + +[634] A ruined man, living in penury, presumably well known to the +audience. + +[635] Apollo. + +[636] Surnames of Bacchus. + +[637] The archers, or the police officers, at Athens were mostly +Scythians. If not from that country always, they were known generally by +that name. + +[638] Which the archer had driven in to tighten up the rope binding the +prison to the pillory. + +[639] Perseus was returning from the land of the Gorgons mounted upon +Pegasus, when, while high up in the air, he saw Andromeda bound to a rock +and exposed to the lusts and voracity of a sea monster. Touched by the +misfortune and the beauty of the princess, he turned the monster to stone +by showing him the head of Medusa, released Andromeda and married +her.--Euripides had just produced a tragedy on this subject. + +[640] Mnesilochus speaks alternately in his own person and as though he +were Andromeda, the effect being comical in the extreme. + +[641] A notorious glutton, mentioned also in the 'Peace.' + +[642] Through Euripides, his father-in-law. + +[643] On the occasion of the presentation of the tragedy of 'Andromeda,' +in which the nymph Echo plays an important part. + +[644] Unknown; Aristophanes plays upon the similarity of name. + +[645] That is, the Thesmophoriae, viz. Demeter and Persephoné. + +[646] Throughout the whole scene the Scythian speaks with a grotesque +barbarian accent. + +[647] The pun depends in the Greek on the similarity of the final +syllables of [Greek: subin_e], and [Greek: katabin_esi]. It can be given +literally in English. + + + + +THE ECCLESIAZUSAE + +or + +Women In Council + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +The 'Ecclesiazusae, or Women in Council,' was not produced till twenty +years after the preceding play, the 'Thesmophoriazusae' (at the Great +Dionysia of 392 B.C.), but is conveniently classed with it as being also +largely levelled against the fair sex. "It is a broad, but very amusing, +satire upon those ideal republics, founded upon communistic principles, +of which Plato's well-known treatise is the best example. His 'Republic' +had been written, and probably delivered in the form of oral lectures at +Athens, only two or three years before, and had no doubt excited a +considerable sensation. But many of its most startling principles had +long ago been ventilated in the Schools." + +Like the 'Lysistrata,' the play is a picture of woman's ascendancy in the +State, and the topsy-turvy consequences resulting from such a reversal of +ordinary conditions. The women of Athens, under the leadership of the +wise Praxagora, resolve to reform the constitution. To this end they don +men's clothes, and taking seats in the Assembly on the Pnyx, command a +majority of votes and carry a series of revolutionary proposals--that the +government be vested in a committee of women, and further, that property +and women be henceforth held in common. The main part of the comedy deals +with the many amusing difficulties that arise inevitably from this new +state of affairs, the community of women above all necessitating special +safeguarding clauses to secure the rights of the less attractive members +of the sex to the service of the younger and handsomer men. Community of +goods again, private property being abolished, calls for a regulation +whereby all citizens are to dine at the public expense in the various +public halls of the city, the particular place of each being determined +by lot; and the drama winds up with one of these feasts, the elaborate +menu of which is given in burlesque, and with the jubilations of the +women over their triumph. + +"This comedy appears to labour under the very same faults as the 'Peace.' +The introduction, the secret assembly of the women, their rehearsal of +their parts as men, the description of the popular assembly, are all +handled in the most masterly manner; but towards the middle the action +stands still. Nothing remains but the representation of the perplexities +and confusion which arise from the new arrangements, especially in +connection with the community of women, and from the prescribed equality +of rights in love both for the old and ugly and for the young and +beautiful. These perplexities are pleasant enough, but they turn too much +on a repetition of the same joke." + +We learn from the text of the play itself that the 'Ecclesiazusae' was +drawn by lot for first representation among the comedies offered for +competition at the Festival, the Author making a special appeal to his +audience not to let themselves be influenced unfavourably by the +circumstance; but whether the play was successful in gaining a prize is +not recorded. + + * * * * * + +THE ECCLESIAZUSAE + +or + +Women In Council + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +PRAXAGORA. +BLEPYRUS, husband of Praxagora. +WOMEN. +A MAN. +CHREMES. +TWO CITIZENS. +HERALD. +AN OLD MAN. +A GIRL. +A YOUNG MAN. +THREE OLD WOMEN. +A SERVANT MAID. +HER MASTER. +CHORUS OF WOMEN. + +SCENE: Before a house in a Public Square at Athens; a lamp is burning +over the door. Time: a little after midnight. + + * * * * * + +THE ECCLESIAZUSAE + +or + +Women In Council + + +PRAXAGORA (_enters carrying a lamp in her hand_). Oh! thou shining light +of my earthenware lamp, from this high spot shalt thou look abroad. Oh! +lamp, I will tell thee thine origin and thy future; 'tis the rapid whirl +of the potter's wheel that has lent thee thy shape, and thy wick +counterfeits the glory of the sun;[648] mayst thou send the agreed signal +flashing afar! In thee alone do we confide, and thou art worthy, for thou +art near us when we practise the various postures in which Aphrodité +delights upon our couches, and none dream even in the midst of her sports +of seeking to avoid thine eye that watches our swaying bodies. Thou alone +shinest into the depths of our most secret charms, and with thy flame +dost singe the hairy growth of our privates. If we open some cellar +stored with fruits and wine, thou art our companion, and never dost thou +betray or reveal to a neighbour the secrets thou hast learned about us. +Therefore thou shalt know likewise the whole of the plot that I have +planned with my friends, the women, at the festival of the +Scirophoria.[649] + +I see none of those I was expecting, though dawn approaches; the Assembly +is about to gather and we must take our seats in spite of +Phyromachus,[650] who forsooth would say, "It is meet the women sit apart +and hidden from the eyes of the men." Why, have they not been able then +to procure the false beards that they must wear, or to steal their +husbands cloaks? Ah! I see a light approaching; let us draw somewhat +aside, for fear it should be a man. + +FIRST WOMAN. Let us start, it is high time; as we left our dwellings, the +cock was crowing for the second time. + +PRAXAGORA. And I have spent the whole night waiting for you. But come, +let us call our neighbour by scratching at her door; and gently too, so +that her husband may hear nothing. + +SECOND WOMAN. I was putting on my shoes, when I heard you scratching, for +I was not asleep, so there! Oh! my dear, my husband (he is a Salaminian) +never left me an instant's peace, but was at me, for ever at me, all +night long, so that it was only just now that I was able to filch his +cloak. + +FIRST WOMAN. I see Clinareté coming too, along with Sostraté and their +next-door neighbour Philaeneté. + +PRAXAGORA. Hurry yourselves then, for Glycé has sworn that the last comer +shall forfeit three measures of wine and a _choenix_ of pease. + +FIRST WOMAN. Don't you see Melisticé, the wife of Smicythion, hurrying +hither in her great shoes? Methinks she is the only one of us all who has +had no trouble in getting rid of her husband. + +SECOND WOMAN. And can't you see Gusistraté, the tavern-keeper's wife, +with a lamp in her hand, and the wives of Philodoretus and Chaeretades? + +PRAXAGORA. I can see many others too, indeed the whole of the flower of +Athens. + +THIRD WOMAN. Oh! my dear, I have had such trouble in getting away! My +husband ate such a surfeit of sprats last evening that he was coughing +and choking the whole night long. + +PRAXAGORA. Take your seats, and, since you are all gathered here at last, +let us see if what we decided on at the feast of the Scirophoria has been +duly done. + +FOURTH WOMAN. Yes. Firstly, as agreed, I have let the hair under my +armpits grow thicker than a bush; furthermore, whilst my husband was at +the Assembly, I rubbed myself from head to foot with oil and then stood +the whole day long in the sun.[651] + +FIFTH WOMAN. So did I. I began by throwing away my razor, so that I might +get quite hairy, and no longer resemble a woman. + +PRAXAGORA. Have you the beards that we had all to get ourselves for the +Assembly? + +FOURTH WOMAN. Yea, by Hecaté! Is this not a fine one? + +FIFTH WOMAN. Aye, much finer than Epicrates'.[652] + +PRAXAGORA (_to the other women_). And you? + +FOURTH WOMAN. Yes, yes; look, they all nod assent. + +PRAXAGORA. I see that you have got all the rest too, Spartan shoes, +staffs and men's cloaks, as 'twas arranged. + +SIXTH WOMAN. I have brought Lamias'[653] club, which I stole from him +while he slept. + +PRAXAGORA. What, the club that makes him puff and pant with its weight? + +SIXTH WOMAN. By Zeus the Deliverer, if he had the skin of Argus, he would +know better than any other how to shepherd the popular herd. + +PRAXAGORA. But come, let us finish what has yet to be done, while the +stars are still shining; the Assembly, at which we mean to be present, +will open at dawn. + +FIRST WOMAN. Good; you must take up your place at the foot of the +platform and facing the Prytanes. + +SIXTH WOMAN. I have brought this with me to card during the Assembly. +(_She shows some wool._) + +PRAXAGORA. During the Assembly, wretched woman? + +SIXTH WOMAN. Aye, by Artemis! shall I hear any less well if I am doing a +bit of carding? My little ones are all but naked. + +PRAXAGORA. Think of her wanting to card! whereas we must not let anyone +see the smallest part of our bodies.[654] 'Twould be a fine thing if one +of us, in the midst of the discussion, rushed on to the speaker's +platform and, flinging her cloak aside, showed her hairy privates. If, on +the other hand, we are the first to take our seats closely muffled in our +cloaks, none will know us. Let us fix these beards on our chins, so that +they spread all over our bosoms. How can we fail then to be mistaken for +men? Agyrrhius has deceived everyone, thanks to the beard of +Pronomus;[655] yet he was no better than a woman, and you see how he now +holds the first position in the city. Thus, I adjure you by this day that +is about to dawn, let us dare to copy him and let us be clever enough to +possess ourselves of the management of affairs. Let us save the vessel of +State, which just at present none seems able either to sail or row. + +SIXTH WOMAN. But where shall we find orators in an Assembly of women? + +PRAXAGORA. Nothing simpler. Is it not said, that the cleverest speakers +are those who submit themselves oftenest to men? Well, thanks to the +gods, we are that by nature. + +SIXTH WOMAN. There's no doubt of that; but the worst of it is our +inexperience. + +PRAXAGORA. That's the very reason we are gathered here, in order to +prepare the speech we must make in the Assembly. Hasten, therefore, all +you who know aught of speaking, to fix on your beards. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Oh! you great fool! is there ever a one among us cannot +use her tongue? + +PRAXAGORA. Come, look sharp, on with your beard and become a man. As for +me, I will do the same in case I should have a fancy for getting on to +the platform. Here are the chaplets. + +SECOND WOMAN. Oh! great gods! my dear Praxagora, do look here! Is it not +laughable? + +PRAXAGORA. How laughable? + +SECOND WOMAN. Our beards look like broiled cuttle-fishes. + +PRAXAGORA. The priest is bringing in--the cat.[656] Make ready, make +ready! Silence, Ariphrades![657] Go and take your seat. Now, who wishes +to speak? + +SEVENTH WOMAN. I do. + +PRAXAGORA. Then put on this chaplet[658] and success be with you. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. There, 'tis done! + +PRAXAGORA. Well then! begin. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Before drinking? + +PRAXAGORA. Hah! she wants to drink![659] + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Why, what else is the meaning of this chaplet? + +PRAXAGORA. Get you hence! you would probably have played us this trick +also before the people. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Well! don't the men drink then in the Assembly? + +PRAXAGORA. Now she's telling us the men drink! + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Aye, by Artemis, and neat wine too. That's why their +decrees breathe of drunkenness and madness. And why libations, why so +many ceremonies, if wine plays no part in them? Besides, they abuse each +other like drunken men, and you can see the archers dragging more than +one uproarious drunkard out of the Agora. + +PRAXAGORA. Go back to your seat, you are wandering. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! I should have done better not to have muffled myself +in this beard; my throat's afire and I feel I shall die of thirst. + +PRAXAGORA. Who else wishes to speak? + +EIGHTH WOMAN. I do. + +PRAXAGORA. Quick then, take the chaplet, for time's running short. Try to +speak worthily, let your language be truly manly, and lean on your staff +with dignity. + +EIGHTH WOMAN. I had rather have seen one of your regular orators giving +you wise advice; but, as that is not to be, it behoves me to break +silence; I cannot, for my part indeed, allow the tavern-keepers to fill +up their wine-pits with water.[660] No, by the two goddesses.... + +PRAXAGORA. What? by the two goddesses![661] Wretched woman, where are +your senses? + +EIGHTH WOMAN. Eh! what?... I have not asked you for a drink! + +PRAXAGORA. No, but you want to pass for a man, and you swear by the two +goddesses. Otherwise 'twas very well. + +EIGHTH WOMAN. Well then. By Apollo.... + +PRAXAGORA. Stop! All these details of language must be adjusted; else it +is quite useless to go to the Assembly. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. Pass me the chaplet; I wish to speak again, for I think I +have got hold of something good. You women who are listening to me.... + +PRAXAGORA. Women again; why, wretched creature, 'tis men that you are +addressing. + +SEVENTH WOMAN. 'Tis the fault of Epigonus;[662] I caught sight of him +over yonder, and I thought I was speaking to women. + +PRAXAGORA. Come, withdraw and remain seated in future. I am going to take +this chaplet myself and speak in your name. May the gods grant success to +my plans! + +My country is as dear to me as it is to you, and I groan, I am grieved at +all that is happening in it. Scarcely one in ten of those who rule it is +honest, and all the others are bad. If you appoint fresh chiefs, they +will do still worse. It is hard to correct your peevish humour; you fear +those who love you and throw yourselves at the feet of those who betray +you. There was a time when we had no assemblies, and then we all thought +Agyrrhius a dishonest man;[663] now they are established, he who gets +money thinks everything is as it should be, and he who does not, declares +all who sell their votes to be worthy of death. + +FIRST WOMAN. By Aphrodité, that is well spoken. + +PRAXAGORA. Why, wretched woman, you have actually called upon Aphrodité. +Oh! what a fine thing 'twould have been had you said that in the +Assembly! + +FIRST WOMAN. I should never have done that! + +PRAXAGORA. Well, mind you don't fall into the habit.--When we were +discussing the alliance,[664] it seemed as though it were all over with +Athens if it fell through. No sooner was it made than we were vexed and +angry, and the orator who had caused its adoption was compelled to seek +safety in flight.[665] Is there talk of equipping a fleet? The poor man +says, yes, but the rich citizen and the countryman say, no. You were +angered against the Corinthians and they with you; now they are well +disposed towards you, be so towards them. As a rule the Argives are dull, +but the Argive Hieronymus[666] is a distinguished chief. Herein lies a +spark of hope; but Thrasybulus is far from Athens[667] and you do not +recall him. + +FIRST WOMAN. Oh! what a brilliant man! + +PRAXAGORA. That's better! that's fitting applause.--Citizens, 'tis you +who are the cause of all this trouble. You vote yourselves salaries out +of the public funds and care only for your own personal interests; hence +the State limps along like Aesimus.[668] But if you hearken to me, you +will be saved. I assert that the direction of affairs must be handed over +to the women, for 'tis they who have charge and look after our +households. + +SECOND WOMAN. Very good, very good, 'tis perfect! Say on, say on. + +PRAXAGORA. They are worth more than you are, as I shall prove. First of +all they wash all their wool in warm water, according to the ancient +practice; you will never see them changing their method. Ah! if Athens +only acted thus, if it did not take delight in ceaseless innovations, +would not its happiness be assured? Then the women sit down to cook, as +they always did; they carry things on their head as was their wont; they +keep the Thesmophoria, as they have ever done; they knead their cakes +just as they used to; they make their husbands angry as they have always +done; they receive their lovers in their houses as was their constant +custom; they buy dainties as they always did; they love unmixed wine as +well as ever; they delight in being loved just as much as they always +have. Let us therefore hand Athens over to them without endless +discussions, without bothering ourselves about what they will do; let us +simply hand them over the power, remembering that they are mothers and +will therefore spare the blood of our soldiers; besides, who will know +better than a mother how to forward provisions to the front? Woman is +adept at getting money for herself and will not easily let herself be +deceived; she understands deceit too well herself. I omit a thousand +other advantages. Take my advice and you will live in perfect happiness. + +FIRST WOMAN. How beautiful this is, my dearest Praxagora, how clever! But +where, pray, did you learn all these pretty things? + +PRAXAGORA. When the countryfolk were seeking refuge in the city,[669] I +lived on the Pnyx with my husband, and there I learnt to speak through +listening to the orators. + +FIRST WOMAN. Then, dear, 'tis not astonishing that you are so eloquent +and clever; henceforward you shall be our leader, so put your great ideas +into execution. But if Cephalus[670] belches forth insults against you, +what answer will you give him in the Assembly? + +PRAXAGORA. I shall say that he drivels. + +FIRST WOMAN. But all the world knows that. + +PRAXAGORA. I shall furthermore say that he is a raving madman. + +FIRST WOMAN. There's nobody who does not know it. + +PRAXAGORA. That he, as excellent a statesman as he is, is a clumsy +tinker.[671] + +FIRST WOMAN. And if the blear-eyed Neoclides[672] comes to insult you? + +PRAXAGORA. To him I shall say, "Go and look at a dog's backside".[673] + +FIRST WOMAN. And if they fly at you? + +PRAXAGORA. Oh! I shall shake them off as best I can; never fear, I know +how to use this tool.[674] + +FIRST WOMAN. But there is one thing we don't think of. If the archers +drag you away, what will you do? + +PRAXAGORA. With my arms akimbo like this, I will never, never let myself +be taken round the middle. + +FIRST WOMAN. If they seize you, we will bid them let you go. + +SECOND WOMAN. That's the best way. But how are we going to lift up our +arm[675] in the Assembly, we, who only know how to lift our legs in the +act of love? + +PRAXAGORA. 'Tis difficult; yet it must be done, and the arm shown naked +to the shoulder in order to vote. Quick now, put on these tunics and +these Laconian shoes, as you see the men do each time they go to the +Assembly or for a walk. Then this done, fix on your beards, and when they +are arranged in the best way possible, dress yourselves in the cloaks you +have abstracted from your husbands; finally start off leaning on your +staffs and singing some old man's song as the villagers do. + +SECOND WOMAN. Well spoken; and let us hurry to get to the Pnyx before the +women from the country, for they will no doubt not fail to come there. + +PRAXAGORA. Quick, quick, for 'tis all the custom that those who are not +at the Pnyx early in the morning, return home empty-handed. + +CHORUS. Move forward, citizens, move forward; let us not forget to give +ourselves this name and may that of _woman_ never slip out of our mouths; +woe to us, if it were discovered that we had laid such a plot in the +darkness of night. Let us go to the Assembly then, fellow-citizens; for +the Thesmothetae have declared that only those who arrive at daybreak +with haggard eye and covered with dust, without having snatched time to +eat anything but a snack of garlic-pickle, shall alone receive the +triobolus. Walk up smartly, Charitimides,[676] Smicythus and Draces, and +do not fail in any point of your part; let us first demand our fee and +then vote for all that may perchance be useful for our partisans.... Ah! +what am I saying? I meant to say, for our fellow-citizens. Let us drive +away these men of the city,[677] who used to stay at home and chatter +round the table in the days when only an obolus was paid, whereas now one +is stifled by the crowds at the Pnyx.[678] No! during the Archonship of +generous Myronides,[679] none would have dared to let himself be paid for +the trouble he spent over public business; each one brought his own meal +of bread, a couple of onions, three olives and some wine in a little +wine-skin. But nowadays we run here to earn the three obols, for the +citizen has become as mercenary as the stonemason. (_The Chorus marches +away._) + +BLEPYRUS (_husband of Praxagora_). What does this mean? My wife has +vanished! it is nearly daybreak and she does not return! Wanting to +relieve myself, lo! I awake and hunt in the darkness for my shoes and my +cloak; but grope where I will, I cannot find them. Meanwhile my need grew +each moment more urgent and I had only just time to seize my wife's +little mantle and her Persian slippers. But where shall I find a spot +suitable for my purpose. Bah! One place is as good as another at +night-time, for no one will see me. Ah! what fatal folly 'twas to take a +wife at my age, and how I could thrash myself for having acted so +foolishly! 'Tis a certainty she's not gone out for any honest purpose. +However, that's not our present business. + +A MAN. Who's there? Is that not my neighbour Blepyrus? Why, yes, 'tis +himself and no other. Tell me, what's all that yellow about you? Can it +be Cinesias[680] who has befouled you so? + +BLEPYRUS. No, no, I only slipped on my wife's tunic[681] to come out in. + +MAN. And where is your cloak? + +BLEPYRUS. I cannot tell you, for I hunted for it vainly on the bed. + +MAN. And why did you not ask your wife for it? + +BLEPYRUS. Ah! why indeed! because she is not in the house; she has run +away, and I greatly fear that she may be doing me an ill turn. + +MAN. But, by Posidon, 'tis the same with myself. My wife has disappeared +with my cloak, and what is still worse, with my shoes as well, for I +cannot find them anywhere. + +BLEPYRUS. Nor can I my Laconian shoes; but as I had urgent need, I popped +my feet into these slippers, so as not to soil my blanket, which is quite +new. + +MAN. What does it mean? Can some friend have invited her to a feast? + +BLEPYRUS. I expect so, for she does not generally misconduct herself, as +far as I know. + +MAN. Come, I say, you seem to be making ropes. Are you never going to be +done? As for myself, I would like to go to the Assembly, and it is time +to start, but the thing is to find my cloak, for I have only one. + +BLEPYRUS. I am going to have a look too, when I have done; but I really +think there must be a wild pear obstructing my rectum. + +MAN. Is it the one which Thrasybulus spoke about to the +Lacedaemonians?[682] + +BLEPYRUS. Oh! oh! oh! how the obstruction holds! Whatever am I to do? +'Tis not merely for the present that I am frightened; but when I have +eaten, where is it to find an outlet now? This cursed Achradusian +fellow[683] has bolted the door. Let a doctor be fetched; but which is +the cleverest in this branch of the science? Amynon?[684] Perhaps he +would not come. Ah! Antithenes![685] Let him be brought to me, cost what +it will. To judge by his noisy sighs, that man knows what a rump wants, +when in urgent need. Oh! venerated Ilithyia![686] I shall burst unless +the door gives way. Have pity! pity! Let me not become the night-stool of +the comic poets.[687] + +CHREMES. Hi! friend, what are you after there? Easing yourself! + +BLEPYRUS. Oh! there! it is over and I can get up again at last. + +CHREMES. What's this? You have your wife's tunic on. + +BLEPYRUS. Aye, 'twas the first thing that came to my hand in the +darkness. But where do you hail from? + +CHREMES. From the Assembly. + +BLEPYRUS. Is it already over then? + +CHREMES. Certainly. + +BLEPYRUS. Why, it is scarcely daylight. + +CHREMES. I did laugh, ye gods, at the vermilion rope-marks that were to +be seen all about the Assembly.[688] + +BLEPYRUS. Did you get the triobolus? + +CHREMES. Would it had so pleased the gods! but I arrived just too late, +and am quite ashamed of it; I bring back nothing but this empty wallet. + +BLEPYRUS. But why is that? + +CHREMES. There was a crowd, such as has never been seen at the Pnyx, and +the folk looked pale and wan, like so many shoemakers, so white were they +in hue; both I and many another had to go without the triobolus. + +BLEPYRUS. Then if I went now, I should get nothing. + +CHREMES. No, certainly not, nor even had you gone at the second +cock-crow. + +BLEPYRUS. Oh! what a misfortune! Oh, Antilochus![689] no triobolus! Even +death would be better! I am undone! But what can have attracted such a +crowd at that early hour? + +CHREMES. The Prytanes started the discussion of measures nearly +concerning the safety of the State; immediately, that blear-eyed fellow, +the son of Neoclides,[690] was the first to mount the platform. Then the +folk shouted with their loudest voice, "What! he dares to speak, and +that, too, when the safety of the State is concerned, and he a man who +has not known how to save even his own eyebrows!" He, however, shouted +louder than they all, and looking at them asked, "Why, what ought I to +have done?" + +BLEPYRUS. Pound together garlic and laserpitium juice, add to this +mixture some Laconian spurge, and rub it well into the eyelids at night. +That's what I should have answered, had I been there. + +CHREMES. After him that clever rascal Evaeon[691] began to speak; he was +naked, so far as we all could see, but he declared he had a cloak; he +propounded the most popular, the most democratic, doctrines. "You see," +he said, "I have the greatest need of sixteen drachmae, the cost of a new +cloak, my health demands it; nevertheless I wish first to care for that +of my fellow-citizens and of my country. If the fullers were to supply +tunics to the indigent at the approach of winter, none would be exposed +to pleurisy. Let him who has neither beds nor coverlets go to sleep at +the tanners' after taking a bath; and if they shut the door in winter, +let them be condemned to give him three goat-skins." + +BLEPYRUS. By Dionysus, a fine, a very fine notion! Not a soul will vote +against his proposal, especially if he adds that the flour-sellers must +supply the poor with three measures of corn, or else suffer the severest +penalties of the law; 'tis only in this way that Nausicydes[692] can be +of any use to us. + +CHREMES. Then we saw a handsome young man rush into the tribune, he was +all pink and white like young Nicias,[693] and he began to say that the +direction of matters should be entrusted to the women; this the crowd of +shoemakers[694] began applauding with all their might, while the +country-folk assailed him with groans. + +BLEPYRUS. And, 'faith, they did well. + +CHREMES. But they were outnumbered, and the orator shouted louder than +they, saying much good of the women and much ill of you. + +BLEPYRUS. And what did he say? + +CHREMES. First he said you were a rogue... + +BLEPYRUS. And you? + +CHREMES. Let me speak ... and a thief.... + +BLEPYRUS. I alone? + +CHREMES. And an informer. + +BLEPYRUS. I alone? + +CHREMES. Why, no, by the gods! all of us. + +BLEPYRUS. And who avers the contrary? + +CHREMES. He maintained that women were both clever and thrifty, that they +never divulged the Mysteries of Demeter, while you and I go about +babbling incessantly about whatever happens at the Senate. + +BLEPYRUS. By Hermes, he was not lying! + +CHREMES. Then he added, that the women lend each other clothes, trinkets +of gold and silver, drinking-cups, and not before witnesses too, but all +by themselves, and that they return everything with exactitude without +ever cheating each other; whereas, according to him, we are ever ready to +deny the loans we have effected. + +BLEPYRUS. Aye, by Posidon, and in spite of witnesses. + +CHREMES. Again, he said that women were not informers, nor did they bring +lawsuits, nor hatch conspiracies; in short, he praised the women in every +possible manner. + +BLEPYRUS. And what was decided? + +CHREMES. To confide the direction of affairs to them; 'tis the one and +only innovation that has not yet been tried at Athens. + +BLEPYRUS. And it was voted? + +CHREMES. Yes. + +BLEPYRUS. And everything that used to be the men's concern has been given +over to the women? + +CHREMES. You express it exactly. + +BLEPYRUS. Thus 'twill be my wife who will go to the Courts now in my +stead. + +CHREMES. And it will be she who will keep your children in your place. + +BLEPYRUS. I shall no longer have to tire myself out with work from +daybreak onwards? + +CHREMES. No, 'twill be the women's business, and you can stop at home and +take your ease. + +BLEPYRUS. Well, what I fear for us fellows now is, that, holding the +reins of government, they will forcibly compel us ... + +CHREMES. To do what? + +BLEPYRUS. ... to work them. + +CHREMES. And if we are not able? + +BLEPYRUS. They will give us no dinner. + +CHREMES. Well then, do your duty; dinner and love form a double +enjoyment. + +BLEPYRUS. Ah! but I hate compulsion. + +CHREMES. But if it be for the public weal, let us resign ourselves. 'Tis +an old saying, that our absurdest and maddest decrees always somehow turn +out for our good. May it be so in this case, oh gods, oh venerable +Pallas! But I must be off; so, good-bye to you! + +BLEPYRUS. Good-bye, Chremes. + +CHORUS. March along, go forward. Is there some man following us? Turn +round, examine everywhere and keep a good look-out; be on your guard +against every trick, for they might spy on us from behind. Let us make as +much noise as possible as we tramp. It would be a disgrace for all of us +if we allowed ourselves to be caught in this deed by the men. Come, wrap +yourselves up well, and search both right and left, so that no mischance +may happen to us. Let us hasten our steps; here we are close to the +meeting-place, whence we started for the Assembly, and here is the house +of our leader, the author of this bold scheme, which is now decreed by +all the citizens. Let us not lose a moment in taking off our false +beards, for we might be recognized and denounced. Let us stand under the +shadow of this wall; let us glance round sharply with our eye to beware +of surprises, while we quickly resume our ordinary dress. Ah! here is our +leader, returning from the Assembly. Hasten to relieve your chins of +these flowing manes. Look at your comrades yonder; they have already made +themselves women again some while ago. + +PRAXAGORA. Friends, success has crowned our plans. But off with these +cloaks and these boots quick, before any man sees you; unbuckle the +Laconian straps and get rid of your staffs; and do you help them with +their toilet. As for myself, I am going to slip quietly into the house +and replace my husband's cloak and other gear where I took them from, +before he can suspect anything. + +CHORUS. There! 'tis done according to your bidding. Now tell us how we +can be of service to you, so that we may show you our obedience, for we +have never seen a cleverer woman than you. + +PRAXAGORA. Wait! I only wish to use the power given me in accordance with +your wishes; for, in the market-place, in the midst of the shouts and +danger, I appreciated your indomitable courage. + +BLEPYRUS. Eh, Praxagora! where do you come from? + +PRAXAGORA. How does that concern you, friend? + +BLEPYRUS. Why, greatly! what a silly question! + +PRAXAGORA. You don't think I have come from a lover's? + +BLEPYRUS. No, perhaps not from only one. + +PRAXAGORA. You can make yourself sure of that. + +BLEPYRUS. And how? + +PRAXAGORA. You can see whether my hair smells of perfume. + +BLEPYRUS. What? cannot a woman possibly be loved without perfume, eh! + +PRAXAGORA. The gods forfend, as far as I am concerned. + +BLEPYRUS. Why did you go off at early dawn with my cloak? + +PRAXAGORA. A companion, a friend who was in labour, had sent to fetch me. + +BLEPYRUS. Could you not have told me? + +PRAXAGORA. Oh, my dear, would you have me caring nothing for a poor woman +in that plight? + +BLEPYRUS. A word would have been enough. There's something behind all +this. + +PRAXAGORA. No, I call the goddesses to witness! I went running off; the +poor woman who summoned me begged me to come, whatever might betide. + +BLEPYRUS. And why did you not take your mantle? Instead of that, you +carry off mine, you throw your dress upon the bed and you leave me as the +dead are left, bar the chaplets and perfumes. + +PRAXAGORA. 'Twas cold, and I am frail and delicate; I took your cloak for +greater warmth, leaving you thoroughly warm yourself beneath your +coverlets. + +BLEPYRUS. And my shoes and staff, those too went off with you? + +PRAXAGORA. I was afraid they might rob me of the cloak, and so, to look +like a man, I put on your shoes and walked with a heavy tread and struck +the stones with your staff. + +BLEPYRUS. D'you know you have made us lose a _sextary_ of wheat, which I +should have bought with the _triobolus_ of the Assembly? + +PRAXAGORA. Be comforted, for she had a boy. + +BLEPYRUS. Who? the Assembly? + +PRAXAGORA. No, no, the woman I helped. But has the Assembly taken place +then? + +BLEPYRUS. Did I not tell you of it yesterday? + +PRAXAGORA. True; I remember now. + +BLEPYRUS. And don't you know the decrees that have been voted? + +PRAXAGORA. No indeed. + +BLEPYRUS. Go to! you can eat cuttle-fish[695] now, for 'tis said the +government is handed over to you. + +PRAXAGORA. To do what--to spin? + +BLEPYRUS. No, that you may rule ... + +PRAXAGORA. What? + +BLEPYRUS. ... over all public business. + +PRAXAGORA. Oh! by Aphrodité! how happy Athens will be! + +BLEPYRUS. Why so? + +PRAXAGORA. For a thousand reasons. None will dare now to do shameless +deeds, to give false testimony or lay informations. + +BLEPYRUS. Stop! in the name of the gods! Do you want me to die of hunger? + +CHORUS. Good sir, let your wife speak. + +PRAXAGORA. There will be no more thieves, nor envious people, no more +rags nor misery, no more abuse and no more prosecutions and lawsuits. + +BLEPYRUS. By Posidon! 'tis grand, if true. + +PRAXAGORA. The results will prove it; you will confess it, and even these +good people (_pointing to the spectators_) will not be able to say a +word. + +CHORUS. You have served your friends, but now it behoves you to apply +your ability and your care to the welfare of the people. Devote the +fecundity of your mind to the public weal; adorn the citizens' lives with +a thousand enjoyments and teach them to seize every favourable +opportunity. Devise some ingenious method to secure the much-needed +salvation of Athens; but let neither your acts nor your words recall +anything of the past, for 'tis only innovations that please. Don't delay +the realization of your plans, for speedy execution is greatly esteemed +by the public. + +PRAXAGORA. I believe my ideas are good, but what I fear is, that the +public will cling to the old customs and refuse to accept my reforms. + +BLEPYRUS. Have no fear about that. Love of novelty and disdain for the +past, these are the dominating principles among us. + +PRAXAGORA. Let none contradict nor interrupt me until I have explained my +plan. I want all to have a share of everything and all property to be in +common; there will no longer be either rich or poor; no longer shall we +see one man harvesting vast tracts of land, while another has not ground +enough to be buried in, nor one man surround himself with a whole army of +slaves, while another has not a single attendant; I intend that there +shall only be one and the same condition of life for all. + +BLEPYRUS. But how do you mean for all? + +PRAXAGORA. Go and eat your excrements![696] + +BLEPYRUS. Come, share and share alike! + +PRAXAGORA. No, no, but you shall not interrupt me. This is what I was +going to say: I shall begin by making land, money, everything that is +private property, common to all. Then we shall live on this common +wealth, which we shall take care to administer with wise thrift. + +BLEPYRUS. And how about the man who has no land, but only gold and silver +coins, that cannot be seen? + +PRAXAGORA. He must bring them to the common stock, and if he fails he +will be a perjured man. + +BLEPYRUS. That won't worry him much, for has he not gained them by +perjury? + +PRAXAGORA. But his riches will no longer be of any use to him. + +BLEPYRUS. Why? + +PRAXAGORA. The poor will no longer be obliged to work; each will have all +that he needs, bread, salt fish, cakes, tunics, wine, chaplets and +chick-pease; of what advantage will it be to him not to contribute his +share to the common wealth? What do you think of it? + +BLEPYRUS. But is it not the folk who rob most that have all these things? + +PRAXAGORA. Yes, formerly, under the old order of things; but now that all +goods are in common, what will he gain by not bringing his wealth into +the general stock? + +BLEPYRUS. If someone saw a pretty wench and wished to satisfy his fancy +for her, he would take some of his reserve store to make her a present +and stay the night with her; this would not prevent him claiming his +share of the common property. + +PRAXAGORA. But he can sleep with her for nothing; I intend that women +shall belong to all men in common, and each shall beget children by any +man that wishes to have her. + +BLEPYRUS. But all will go to the prettiest woman and beseech her to go +with him. + +PRAXAGORA. The ugliest and the most flat-nosed will be side by side with +the most charming, and to win the latter's favours, a man will first have +to get into the former. + +BLEPYRUS. But we old men, shall we have penis enough if we have to +satisfy the ugly first? + +PRAXAGORA. They will make no resistance. + +BLEPYRUS. To what? + +PRAXAGORA. Never fear; they will make no resistance. + +BLEPYRUS. Resistance to what? + +PRAXAGORA. To the pleasure of the thing. 'Tis thus that matters will be +ordered for you. + +BLEPYRUS. 'Tis right well conceived for you women, for every wench's hole +will be occupied; but as regards us poor men, you will leave those who +are ugly to run after the handsome fellows. + +PRAXAGORA. The ugly will follow the handsomest into the public places +after supper and see to it that the law, which forbids the women to sleep +with the big, handsome men before having satisfied the ugly shrimps, is +complied with. + +BLEPYRUS. Thus ugly Lysicrates' nose will be as proud as the handsomest +face? + +PRAXAGORA. Yes, by Apollo! this is a truly popular decree, and what a +set-back 'twill be for one of those elegants with their fingers loaded +with rings, when a man with heavy shoes says to him, "Give way to me and +wait till I have done; you will pass in after me." + +BLEPYRUS. But if we live in this fashion, how will each one know his +children? + +PRAXAGORA. The youngest will look upon the oldest as their fathers. + +BLEPYRUS. Ah! how heartily they will strangle all the old men, since even +now, when each one knows his father, they make no bones about strangling +him! then, my word! won't they just scorn and shit upon the old folks! + +PRAXAGORA. But those around will prevent it. Hitherto, when anyone saw an +old man beaten, he would not meddle, because it did not concern him; but +now each will fear the sufferer may be his own father and such violence +will be stopped. + +BLEPYRUS. What you say is not so silly after all; but 'twould be highly +unpleasant were Epicurus and Leucolophas to come up and call me father. + +PRAXAGORA. But 'twould be far worse, were ... + +BLEPYRUS. Were what? + +PRAXAGORA. ... Aristyllus to embrace you and style you his father. + +BLEPYRUS. Ah! let him look to himself if he dares! + +PRAXAGORA. For you would smell vilely of mint if he kissed you. But he +was born before the decree was carried, so that you have not to fear his +kiss. + +BLEPYRUS. 'Twould be awful. But who will do the work? + +PRAXAGORA. The slaves. Your only cares will be to scent yourself, and to +go and dine, when the shadow of the gnomon is ten feet long on the dial. + +BLEPYRUS. But how shall we obtain clothing? Tell me that! + +PRAXAGORA. You will first wear out those you have, and then we women will +weave you others. + +BLEPYRUS. Now another point: if the magistrates condemn a citizen to the +payment of a fine, how is he going to do it? Out of the public funds? +That would not be right surely. + +PRAXAGORA. But there will be no more lawsuits. + +BLEPYRUS. What a disaster for many people! + +PRAXAGORA. I have decreed it. Besides, friend, why should there be +lawsuits? + +BLEPYRUS. Oh! for a thousand reasons, on my faith! Firstly, because a +debtor denies his obligation. + +PRAXAGORA. But where will the lender get the money to lend, if all is in +common? unless he steals it out of the treasury? + +BLEPYRUS. That's true, by Demeter! But then again, tell me this; here are +some men who are returning from a feast and are drunk and they strike +some passer-by; how are they going to pay the fine? Ah! you are puzzled +now! + +PRAXAGORA. They will have to take it out of their pittance; and being +thus punished through their belly, they will not care to begin again. + +BLEPYRUS. There will be no more thieves then, eh? + +PRAXAGORA. Why steal, if you have a share of everything? + +BLEPYRUS. People will not be robbed any more at night? + +PRAXAGORA. No, whether you sleep at home or in the street, there will be +no more danger, for all will have the means of living. Besides, if anyone +wanted to steal your cloak, you would give it him yourself. Why not? You +will only have to go to the common store and be given a better one. + +BLEPYRUS. There will be no more playing at dice? + +PRAXAGORA. What object will there be in playing? + +BLEPYRUS. But what kind of life is it you propose to set up? + +PRAXAGORA. The life in common. Athens will become nothing more than a +single house, in which everything will belong to everyone; so that +everybody will be able to go from one house to the other at pleasure. + +BLEPYRUS. And where will the meals be served? + +PRAXAGORA. The law-courts and the porticoes will be turned into +dining-halls. + +BLEPYRUS. And what will the speaker's platform be used for? + +PRAXAGORA. I shall place the bowls and the ewers there; and young +children will sing the glory of the brave from there, also the infamy of +cowards, who out of very shame will no longer dare to come to the public +meals. + +BLEPYRUS. Well thought of, by Apollo! And what will you do with the urns? + +PRAXAGORA. I shall have them taken to the market-place, and standing +close to the statue of Harmodius,[697] I shall draw a lot for each +citizen, which by its letter will show the place where he must go to +dine.[698] Thus, those for whom I have drawn a Beta, will go to the royal +portico;[699] if 'tis a Theta, they will go to the portico of +Theseus;[700] if 'tis a Kappa, to that of the flour-market.[701] + +BLEPYRUS. To cram[702] himself there like a capon? + +PRAXAGORA. No, to dine there. + +BLEPYRUS. And the citizen whom the lot has not given a letter showing +where he is to dine will be driven off by everyone? + +PRAXAGORA. But that will not occur. Each man will have plenty; he will +not leave the feast until he is well drunk, and then with a chaplet on +his head and a torch in his hand; and then the women running to meet you +in the cross-roads will say, "This way, come to our house, you will find +a beautiful young girl there."--"And I," another will call from her +balcony, "have one so pretty and as white as milk; but before touching +her, you must sleep with me." And the ugly men, watching closely after +the handsome fellows, will say, "Hi! friend, where are you running to? Go +in, but you must do nothing, for 'tis the ugly and the flat-nosed to whom +the law gives the first right of admission; amuse yourself in the porch +while you wait, in handling your fig-leaves and playing with your tool." +Well, tell me, does that picture suit you? + +BLEPYRUS. Marvellously well. + +PRAXAGORA. I must now go to the market-place to receive the property that +is going to be placed in common and to choose a woman with a loud voice +as my herald. I have all the cares of State on my shoulders, since the +power has been entrusted to me. I must likewise go to busy myself about +establishing the common meals, and you will attend your first banquet +to-day. + +BLEPYRUS. Are we going to banquet? + +PRAXAGORA. Why, undoubtedly! Furthermore, I propose abolishing the +courtesans. + +BLEPYRUS. And what for? + +PRAXAGORA. 'Tis clear enough why; so that, instead of them, _we_ may have +the first-fruits of the young men. It is not meet that tricked-out slaves +should rob free-born women of their pleasures. Let the courtesans be free +to sleep with the slaves and to depilate their privates for them. + +BLEPYRUS. I will march at your side, so that I may be seen and that +everyone may say, "Admire our leader's husband!" [_Exeunt Blepyrus and +Praxagora._ + + [_The Chorus which followed this scene is lost._] + +FIRST CITIZEN. Come, let us collect and examine all my belongings before +taking them to the market-place. Come hither, my beautiful sieve, I have +nothing more precious than you, come, all clotted with the flour of which +I have poured so many sacks through you; you shall act the part of +Canephoros[703] in the procession of my chattels. Where is the sunshade +carrier?[704] Ah! this stew-pot shall take his place. Great gods, how +black it is! it could not be more so if Lysicrates[705] had boiled the +drugs in it with which he dyes his hair. Hither, my beautiful mirror. And +you, my tripod, bear this urn for me; you shall be the waterbearer;[706] +and you, cock, whose morning song has so often roused me in the middle of +the night to send me hurrying to the Assembly, you shall be my +flute-girl. Scaphephoros,[707] do you take the large basin, place in it +the honeycombs and twine the olive-branches over them, bring the tripods +and the phial of perfume; as for the humble crowd of little pots, I will +just leave them behind. + +SECOND CITIZEN. What folly to carry one's goods to the common store; I +have a little more sense than that. No, no, by Posidon, I want first to +ponder and calculate over the thing at leisure. I shall not be fool +enough to strip myself of the fruits of my toil and thrift, if it is not +for a very good reason; let us see first, which way things turn. Hi! +friend, what means this display of goods? Are you moving or are you going +to pawn your stuff? + +FIRST CITIZEN. Neither. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Why then are you setting all these things out in line? Is +it a procession that you are starting off to the public crier, Hiero? + +FIRST CITIZEN. No, but in accordance with the new law, that has been +decreed, I am going to carry all these things to the marketplace to make +a gift of them to the State. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Oh! bah! you don't mean that. + +FIRST CITIZEN. Certainly. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Oh! Zeus the Deliverer! you unfortunate man! + +FIRST CITIZEN. Why? + +SECOND CITIZEN. Why? 'Tis as clear as noonday. + +FIRST CITIZEN. Must the laws not be obeyed then? + +SECOND CITIZEN. What laws, you poor fellow? + +FIRST CITIZEN. Those that have been decreed. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Decreed! Are you mad, I ask you? + +FIRST CITIZEN. Am I mad? + +SECOND CITIZEN. Oh! this is the height of folly! + +FIRST CITIZEN. Because I obey the law? Is that not the first duty of an +honest man? + +SECOND CITIZEN. Say rather of a ninny. + +FIRST CITIZEN. Don't you propose taking what belongs to you to the common +stock? + +SECOND CITIZEN. I'll take good care I don't until I see what the majority +are doing. + +FIRST CITIZEN. There's but one opinion, namely, to contribute every +single thing one has. + +SECOND CITIZEN. I am waiting to see it, before I believe that. + +FIRST CITIZEN. At least, so they say in every street. + +SECOND CITIZEN. And they will go on saying so. + +FIRST CITIZEN. Everyone talks of contributing all he has. + +SECOND CITIZEN. And will go on talking of it. + +FIRST CITIZEN. You weary me with your doubts and dubitations. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Everybody else will doubt it. + +FIRST CITIZEN. The pest seize you! + +SECOND CITIZEN. It _will_ take you. What? give up your goods! Is there a +man of sense who will do such a thing? Giving is not one of our customs. +Receiving is another matter; 'tis the way of the gods themselves. Look at +the position of their hands on their statues; when we ask a favour, they +present their hands turned palm up so as not to give, but to receive. + +FIRST CITIZEN. Wretch, let me do what is right. Come, I'll make a bundle +of all these things. Where is my strap? + +SECOND CITIZEN. Are you really going to carry them in? + +FIRST CITIZEN. Undoubtedly, and there are my three tripods strung +together already. + +SECOND CITIZEN. What folly! Not to wait to see what the others do, and +then ... + +FIRST CITIZEN. Well, and then what? + +SECOND CITIZEN. ... wait and put it off again. + +FIRST CITIZEN. What for? + +SECOND CITIZEN. That an earthquake may come or an ill-omened flash of +lightning, that a weasel may run across the street and that none carry in +anything more, you fool! + +FIRST CITIZEN. 'Twould be a fine matter, were I to find no room left for +placing all this. + +SECOND CITIZEN. You are much more likely to lose your stuff. As for +placing it, you can be at ease, for there will be room enough as long as +a month hence. + +FIRST CITIZEN. Why? + +SECOND CITIZEN. I know these folk; a decree is soon passed, but it is not +so easily attended to. + +FIRST CITIZEN. All will contribute their property, my friend. + +SECOND CITIZEN. But what if they don't? + +FIRST CITIZEN. But there is no doubt that they will. + +SECOND CITIZEN. But _anyhow_, what if they don't? + +FIRST CITIZEN. We shall compel them to do so. + +SECOND CITIZEN. And what if they prove the stronger? + +FIRST CITIZEN. I shall leave my goods and go off. + +SECOND CITIZEN. And what if they sell them for you? + +FIRST CITIZEN. The plague take you! + +SECOND CITIZEN. And if it does? + +FIRST CITIZEN. 'Twill be a good riddance. + +SECOND CITIZEN. You are bent on contributing then? + +FIRST CITIZEN. 'Pon my soul, yes! Look, there are all my neighbours +carrying in all they have. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Ha, ha! 'Tis no doubt Antisthenes.[708] He's a fellow who +would rather sit on his pot for thirty days than not! + +FIRST CITIZEN. The pest seize you! + +SECOND CITIZEN. And perhaps Callimachus[709] is going to take in more +money than Callias owns? That man want to ruin himself! + +FIRST CITIZEN. How you weary me! + +SECOND CITIZEN. Ah! I weary you! But, wretch, see what comes of decrees +of this kind. Don't you remember the one reducing the price of salt, eh? + +FIRST CITIZEN. Why, certainly I do. + +SECOND CITIZEN. And do you remember that about the copper coinage? + +FIRST CITIZEN. Ah! that cursed money did me enough harm. I had sold my +grapes and had my mouth stuffed with pieces of copper;[710] indeed I was +going to the market to buy flour, and was in the act of holding out my +bag wide open, when the herald started shouting, "Let none in future +accept pieces of copper; those of silver are alone current." + +SECOND CITIZEN. And quite lately, were we not all swearing that the +impost of one-fortieth, which Euripides[711] had conceived, would bring +five talents to the State, and everyone was vaunting Euripides to the +skies? But when the thing was looked at closely, it was seen that this +fine decree was mere moonshine and would produce nothing, and you would +have willingly burnt this very same Euripides alive. + +FIRST CITIZEN. The cases are quite different, my good fellow. We were the +rulers then, but now 'tis the women. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Whom, by Posidon, I will never allow to piss on my nose. + +FIRST CITIZEN. I don't know what the devil you're chattering about. +Slave, pick up that bundle. + +HERALD. Let all citizens come, let them hasten at our leader's bidding! +'Tis the new law. The lot will teach each citizen where he is to dine; +the tables are already laid and loaded with the most exquisite dishes; +the couches are covered with the softest of cushions; the wine and water +is already being mixed in the ewers; the slaves are standing in a row and +waiting to pour scent over the guests; the fish is being grilled, the +hares are on the spit and the cakes are being kneaded, chaplets are being +plaited and the fritters are frying; the youngest women are watching the +pea-soup in the saucepans, and in the midst of them all stands +Smaeus,[712] dressed as a knight, washing the crockery. And Geres[713] +has come, dressed in a grand tunic and finely shod; he is joking with +another young fellow and has already divested himself of his heavy shoes +and his cloak.[714] The pantryman is waiting, so come and use your jaws. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Aye, I'll go. Why should I delay, since the Republic +commands me? + +FIRST CITIZEN. And where are you going to, since you have not deposited +your belongings? + +SECOND CITIZEN. To the feast. + +FIRST CITIZEN. If the women have any wits, they will first insist on your +depositing your goods. + +SECOND CITIZEN. But I am going to deposit them. + +FIRST CITIZEN. When? + +SECOND CITIZEN. I am not the man to make delays. + +FIRST CITIZEN. How do you mean? + +SECOND CITIZEN. There will be many less eager than I. + +FIRST CITIZEN. In the meantime you are going to dine. + +SECOND CITIZEN. What else should I do? Every sensible man must give his +help to the State. + +FIRST CITIZEN. But if admission is forbidden you? + +SECOND CITIZEN. I shall duck my head and slip in. + +FIRST CITIZEN. And if the women have you beaten? + +SECOND CITIZEN. I shall summon them. + +FIRST CITIZEN. And if they laugh you in the face? + +SECOND CITIZEN. I shall stand near the door ... + +FIRST CITIZEN. And then? + +SECOND CITIZEN. ... and seize upon the dishes as they pass. + +FIRST CITIZEN. Then go there, but after me. Sicon and Parmeno,[715] pick +up all the baggage. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Come, I will help you carry it. + +FIRST CITIZEN. No, no, I should be afraid of your pretending to the +leader that what I am depositing belonged to you. + +SECOND CITIZEN. Let me see! let me think of some good trick by which I +can keep my goods and yet take my share of the common feast. Ha! that's a +good notion! Quick! I'll go and dine, ha, ha! [_Exit laughing_. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. How is this? no men are coming? And yet it must be fully +time! 'Tis then for naught that I have painted myself with white lead, +dressed myself in my beautiful yellow robe, and that I am here, +frolicking and humming between my teeth to attract some passer-by! Oh, +Muses, alight upon my lips, inspire me with some soft Ionian love-song! + +A YOUNG GIRL. You rotten old thing, you have placed yourself at the +window before me. You were expecting to strip my vines during my absence +and to trap some man in your snares with your songs. If you sing, I shall +follow suit; all this singing will weary the spectators, but is +nevertheless very pleasant and very diverting. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Ha! here is an old man; take him and lead him away. As +for you, you young flute-player, let us hear some airs that are worthy of +you and me. Let him who wishes to taste pleasure come to my side. These +young things know nothing about it; 'tis only the women of ripe age who +understand the art of love, and no one could know how to fondle the lover +who possessed me so well as myself; the young girls are all flightiness. + +YOUNG GIRL. Don't be jealous of the young girls; voluptuousness resides +in the pure outline of their beautiful limbs and blossoms on their +rounded bosoms; but you, old woman, you who are tricked out and perfumed +as if for your own funeral, are an object of love only for grim Death +himself. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. May your hole be stopped; may you be unable to find your +couch when you want to be fucked. And on your couch, when your lips seek +a lover, may you embrace only a viper! + +YOUNG GIRL. Alas! alas! what is to become of me? There is no lover! I am +left here alone; my mother has gone out and the rest care little for me. +Oh! my dear nurse, I adjure you to call Orthagoras, and may heaven bless +you. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Ah! poor child, desire is consuming you like an Ionian +woman; I think you are no stranger to the wanton arts of the Lesbian +women, but you shall not rob me of my pleasures; you will not be able to +reduce or filch the time that first belongs to me, for your own gain. +Sing as much as you please, peep out like a cat lying in wait, but none +shall pass through your door without first having been to see me. + +YOUNG GIRL. If anyone enter your house, 'twill be to carry out your +corpse. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. That's new to me. + +YOUNG GIRL. What! you rotten wretch, can anything be new to an old hag +like you? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. My old age will not harm you. + +YOUNG GIRL. Ah! shame on your painted cheeks! + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Why do you speak to me at all? + +YOUNG GIRL. And why do you place yourself at the window? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. I am singing to myself about my lover, Epigenes. + +YOUNG GIRL. Can you have any other lover than that old fop Geres? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Epigenes will show you that himself, for he is coming to +me. See, here he is. + +YOUNG GIRL. He's not thinking of you in the least, you old witch. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Aye, but he is, you little pest. + +YOUNG GIRL. Let's see what he will do. I will leave my window. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. And I likewise. You will see I am not far wrong. + +A YOUNG MAN. Ah! could I but sleep with the young girl without first +satisfying the old flat-nose! 'Tis intolerable for a free-born man. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Willy nilly, you must first gratify my desire. There +shall be no nonsense about that, for my authority is the law and the law +must be obeyed in a democracy. But come, let me hide, to see what he's +going to do. + +YOUNG MAN. Ah! ye gods, if I were to find the sweet child alone! for the +wine has fired my lust. + +YOUNG GIRL. I have tricked that cursed old wretch; she has left her +window, thinking I would stay at home. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Ah! here is the lover we were talking of. This way, my +love, this way, come here and haste to rest the whole night in my arms. I +worship your lovely curly hair; I am consumed with ardent desire. Oh! +Eros, in thy mercy, compel him to my bed. + +YOUNG MAN (_standing beneath the young girl's window and singing_).[716] +Come down and haste to open the door unless you want to see me fall dead +with desire. Dearest treasure, I am burning to yield myself to most +voluptuous sport, lying on your bosom, to let my hands play with your +buttocks. Aphrodité, why dost thou fire me with such delight in her? Oh! +Eros, I beseech thee, have mercy and make her share my couch. Words +cannot express the tortures I am suffering. Oh! my adored one, I adjure +you, open your door for me and press me to your heart; 'tis for you that +I am suffering. Oh! my jewel, my idol, you child of Aphrodité, the +confidante of the Muses, the sister of the Graces, you living picture of +Voluptuousness, oh! open for me, press me to your heart, 'tis for you +that I am suffering. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Are you knocking? Is it I you seek? + +YOUNG MAN. What an idea! + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. But you were tapping at the door. + +YOUNG MAN. Death would be sweeter. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Why do you come with that torch in your hand? + +YOUNG MAN. I am looking for a man from Anaphlystia.[717] + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. What's his name? + +YOUNG MAN. Oh! 'tis not Sebinus,[718] whom no doubt you are expecting. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. By Aphrodité, you _must_, whether you like it or not. + +YOUNG MAN. We are not now concerned with cases dated sixty years back; +they are remanded for a later day; we are dealing only with those of less +than twenty.[719] + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. That was under the old order of things, sweetheart, but +now you must first busy yourself with us. + +YOUNG MAN. Aye, _if I want to_, according to the rules of draughts, where +we may either take or leave. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. But 'tis not according to the rules of draughts that you +take your seat at the banquet.[720] + +YOUNG MAN. I don't know what you mean; 'tis at this door I want to knock. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Not before knocking at mine first. + +YOUNG MAN. For the moment I really have no need for old leather. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. I know that you love me; perhaps you are surprised to +find me at the door. But come, let me kiss you. + +YOUNG MAN. No, no, my dear, I am afraid of your lover. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Of whom? + +YOUNG MAN. The most gifted of painters. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Why, whom do you mean to speak of? + +YOUNG MAN. The artist who paints the little bottles on coffins.[721] But +get you indoors, lest he should find you at the door. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. I know what you want. + +YOUNG MAN. I can say as much of you. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. By Aphrodité, who has granted me this good chance, I +won't let you go. + +YOUNG MAN. You are drivelling, you little old hag. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Rubbish! I am going to lead you to my couch. + +YOUNG MAN. What need for buying hooks? I will let her down to the bottom +of the well and pull up the buckets with her old carcase, for she's +crooked enough for that. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. A truce to your jeering, poor boy, and follow me. + +YOUNG MAN. Nothing compels me to do so, unless you have paid the levy of +five hundredths for me.[722] + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Look, by Aphrodité, there is nothing that delights me as +much as sleeping with a lad of your years. + +YOUNG MAN. And I abhor such as you, and I will never, never consent. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. But, by Zeus, here is something will force you to it. + +YOUNG MAN. What's that? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. A decree, which orders you to enter my house. + +YOUNG MAN. Read it out then, and let's hear. + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Listen. "The women have decreed, that if a young man +desires a young girl, he can only possess her after having satisfied an +old woman; and if he refuses and goes to seek the maiden, the old women +are authorized to seize him by his privates and so drag him in." + +YOUNG MAN. Alas! I shall become a Procrustes.[723] + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Obey the law. + +YOUNG MAN. But if a fellow-citizen, a friend, came to pay my ransom? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. No man may dispose of anything above a medimnus.[724] + +YOUNG MAN. But may I not enter an excuse? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. There's no evasion. + +YOUNG MAN. I shall declare myself a merchant and so escape service.[725] + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Beware what you do! + +YOUNG MAN. Well! what is to be done? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Follow me. + +YOUNG MAN. Is it absolutely necessary? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Yes, as surely as if Diomedes had commanded it.[726] + +YOUNG MAN. Well then, first spread out a layer of origanum[727] upon four +pieces of wood; bind fillets round your head, bring phials of scent and +place a bowl filled with lustral water before your door.[728] + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Will you buy a chaplet for me too? + +YOUNG MAN. Aye, if you outlast the tapers; for I expect to see you fall +down dead as you go in. + +YOUNG GIRL. Where are you dragging this unfortunate man to? + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. 'Tis my very own property that I am leading in. + +YOUNG GIRL. You do ill. A young fellow like him is not of the age to suit +you. You ought to be his mother rather than his wife. With these laws in +force, the earth will be filled with Oedipuses.[729] + +FIRST OLD WOMAN. Oh! you cursed pest! 'tis envy that makes you say this; +but I will be revenged. + +YOUNG MAN. By Zeus the Deliverer, what a service you have done me, by +freeing me of this old wretch! with what ardour I will show you my +gratitude in a form both long and thick! + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Hi! you there! where are you taking that young man to, +in spite of the law? The decree ordains that he must first sleep with me. + +YOUNG MAN. Oh! what a misfortune! Where does _this_ hag come from? 'Tis a +more frightful monster than the other even. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Come here. + +YOUNG MAN (_to the young girl_). Oh! I adjure you, don't let me be led +off by her! + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. 'Tis not I; 'tis the law that leads you off. + +YOUNG MAN. No, 'tis not the law, but an Empusa[730] with a body covered +with blemishes and blotches. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Follow me, my handsome little friend, come along quick +without any more ado. + +YOUNG MAN. Oh! let me first do the needful, so that I may gather my wits +somewhat. Else I should be so terrified that you would see me letting out +something yellow. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Never mind! you can stool, if you want, in my house. + +YOUNG MAN. Oh! I fear doing more than I want to; but I offer you two good +securities. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. I don't require them. + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. Hi! friend, where are you off to with that woman? + +YOUNG MAN. I am not going with her, but am being dragged by force. Oh! +whoever you are, may heaven bless you for having had pity on me in my +dire misfortune. (_Turns round and sees the Third Old Woman._) Oh +Heracles! oh Heracles! oh Pan! Oh ye Corybantes! oh ye Dioscuri! Why, she +is still more awful! Oh! what a monster! great gods! Are you an ape +plastered with white lead, or the ghost of some old hag returned from the +dark borderlands of death? + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. No jesting! Follow me. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. No, come this way. + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. I will never let you go. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Nor will I. + +YOUNG MAN. But you will rend me asunder, you cursed wretches. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. 'Tis I he must go with according to the law. + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. Not if an uglier old woman than yourself appears. + +YOUNG MAN. But if you kill me at the outset, how shall I afterwards go to +find this beautiful girl of mine? + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. That's your business. But begin by obeying. + +YOUNG MAN. Of which one must I rid myself first? + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Don't you know? Come here. + +YOUNG MAN. Then let the other one release me. + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. Come to my house. + +YOUNG MAN. If this dame will let me go. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. No, by all the gods, I'll not let you go. + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. Nor will I. + +YOUNG MAN. You would make very bad boatwomen. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Why? + +YOUNG MAN. Because you would tear your passengers to pieces in dragging +them on board. + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Then come along, do, and hold your tongue. + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. No, by Zeus, come with me. + +YOUNG MAN. 'Tis clearly a case of the decree of Cannonus;[731] I must cut +myself in two in order to fuck you both. But how am I to work two oars at +once? + +SECOND OLD WOMAN. Easily enough; you have only to eat a full pot of +onions.[732] + +YOUNG MAN. Oh! great gods! here I am close to the door and being dragged +in! + +THIRD OLD WOMAN (_to Second Old Woman_). You will gain nothing by this, +for I shall rush into your house with you. + +YOUNG MAN. Oh, no! no! 'twould be better to suffer a single misfortune +than two. + +THIRD OLD WOMAN. Ah! by Hecaté, 'twill be all the same whether you wish +it or not. + +YOUNG MAN. What a fate is mine, that I must gratify such a stinking +harridan the whole night through and all day; then, when I am rid of her, +I have still to tackle a hag of brick-colour hue! Am I not truly +unfortunate? Ah! by Zeus the Deliverer! under what fatal star must I have +been born, that I must sail in company with such monsters! But if my bark +sinks in the sewer of these strumpets, may I be buried at the very +threshold of the door; let this hag be stood upright on my grave, let her +be coated alive with pitch and her legs covered with molten lead up to +the ankles, and let her be set alight as a funeral lamp. + +A SERVANT-MAID TO PRAXAGORA (_she comes from the banquet_). What +happiness is the people's! what joy is mine, and above all that of my +mistress! Happy are ye, who form choruses before our house! Happy all ye, +both neighbours and fellow-citizens! Happy am I myself! I am but a +servant, and yet I have poured on my hair the most exquisite essences. +Let thanks be rendered to thee, oh, Zeus! But a still more delicious +aroma is that of the wine of Thasos; its sweet bouquet delights the +drinker for a long enough, whereas the others lose their bloom and vanish +quickly. Therefore, long life to the wine-jars of Thasos! Pour yourselves +out unmixed wine, it will cheer you the whole night through, if you +choose the liquor that possesses most fragrance. But tell me, friends, +where is my mistress's husband? + +CHORUS. Wait for him here; he will no doubt pass this way. + +MAID-SERVANT. Ah! there he is just going to dinner. Oh! master! what joy! +what blessedness is yours! + +BLEPYRUS. Ah! d'you think so? + +MAID-SERVANT. None can compare his happiness to yours; you have reached +its utmost height, you who, alone out of thirty thousand citizens, have +not yet dined. + +CHORUS Aye, here is undoubtedly a truly happy man. + +MAID-SERVANT. Where are you off to? + +BLEPYRUS. I am going to dine. + +MAID-SERVANT. By Aphrodité, you will be the last of all, far and away the +last. Yet my mistress has bidden me take you and take with you these +young girls. Some Chian wine is left and lots of other good things. +Therefore hurry, and invite likewise all the spectators whom we have +pleased, and such of the judges as are not against us, to follow us; we +will offer them everything they can desire. Let our hospitality be large +and generous; forget no one, neither old nor young men, nor children. +Dinner is ready for them all; they have but to go ... home.[733] + +CHORUS. I am betaking myself to the banquet with this torch in my hand +according to custom. But why do you tarry, Blepyrus? Take these young +girls with you and, while you are away a while, I will whet my appetite +with some dining-song. I have but a few words to say: let the wise judge +me because of whatever is wise in this piece, and those who like a laugh +by whatever has made them laugh. In this way I address pretty well +everyone. If the lot has assigned my comedy to be played first of all, +don't let that be a disadvantage to me; engrave in your memory all that +shall have pleased you in it and judge the competitors equitably as you +have bound yourselves by oath to do. Don't act like vile courtesans, who +never remember any but their last lover. It is time, friends, high time +to go to the banquet, if we want to have our share of it. Open your ranks +and let the Cretan rhythms regulate your dances.[734] + +SEMI-CHORUS. Ready; we are ready! + +CHORUS. And you others, let your light steps too keep time. Very soon +will be served a very fine menu[*]--oysters-saltfish-skate-sharks'-heads +left-over-vinegar-dressing-laserpitium-leek-with-honey-sauce-thrush +blackbird-pigeon-dove-roast-cock's-brains-wagtail-cushat-hare-stewed +in-new-wine-gristle-of-veal-pullet's-wings.[735] Come, quick, seize +hold of a plate, snatch up a cup, and let's run to secure a place at +table. The rest will have their jaws at work by this time. + +[* Transcriber's note: In the original, all following words until 'wings' +are connected with hyphens, i.e. they form _one_ word.] + +SEMI-CHORUS. Let up leap and dance, Io! evoë! Let us to dinner, Io! evoë. +For victory is ours, victory is ours! Ho! Victory! Io! evoë! + + * * * * * + +FINIS OF "THE ECCLESIAZUSAE" + + * * * * * + +Footnotes: + +[648] A parody of the pompous addresses to inanimate objects so frequent +in the prologues and monodies of Euripides. + +[649] A festival which was kept in Athens in the month of scirophorion +(June), whence its name; the statues of Athené, Demeter, Persephoné, +Apollo and Posidon were borne through the city with great pomp with +banners or canopies ([Greek: skira]) over them. + +[650] Unknown. + +[651] So as to get sunburnt and thus have a more manly appearance. + +[652] A demagogue, well known on account of his long flowing beard; he +was nicknamed by his fellow-citizens [Greek: Sakesphoros] that is, +shield-bearer, because his beard came down to his waist and covered his +body like a shield. + +[653] Unknown. + +[654] Whereas the arms must be extended to do carding, and folk could not +fail to recognize her as a woman by their shape. + +[655] Agyrrhius was an Athenian general, who commanded at Lesbos; he was +effeminate and of depraved habits. No doubt he had let his beard grow to +impose on the masses and to lend himself that dignity which he was +naturally wanting in.--Pronomus was a flute-player, who had a fine beard. + +[656] Young pigs were sacrificed at the beginning of the sittings; here +the comic writer substitutes a cat for the pig, perhaps because of its +lasciviousness. + +[657] A pathic; Aristophanes classes him with the women, because of his +effeminacy. + +[658] The orators wore green chaplets, generally of olive leaves; guests +also wore them at feasts, but then flowers were mingled with the leaves. + +[659] An allusion to the rapacity of the orators, who only meddled in +political discussions with the object of getting some personal gain +through their influence; also to the fondness for strong drink we find +attributed in so many passages to the Athenian women. + +[660] A sort of cistern dug in the ground, in which the ancients kept +their wine. + +[661] This was a form of oath that women made use of; hence it is barred +by Praxagora. + +[662] Another pathic, like Ariphrades, mentioned above. + +[663] Before the time of Pericles, when manners had not yet become +corrupt, the fame of each citizen was based on fact; worthy men were +honoured, and those who resembled Agyrrhius, already mentioned, were +detested. For this general, see note a little above. + +[664] The alliance with Corinth, Boeotia and Argolis against Sparta in +393 B.C. + +[665] Conon, who went to Asia Minor and was thrown into prison at Sardis +by the Persian Satrap. + +[666] An Argive to whom Conon entrusted the command of his fleet when he +went to the court of the King of Persia.--In this passage the poet is +warning his fellow-citizens not to alienate the goodwill of the allies by +their disdain, but to know how to honour those among them who had +distinguished themselves by their talents. + +[667] The Lacedaemonians, after having recalled their king, Agesilas, who +gained the victory of Coronea, were themselves beaten at sea off Cnidus +by Conon and Pharnabazus. 'Twas no doubt this victory which gave a _spark +of hope_ to the Athenians, who had suffered so cruelly during so many +years; but Aristophanes declares that, in order to profit by this return +of fortune, they must recall Thrasybulus, the deliverer of Athens in 401 +B.C. He was then ostensibly employed in getting the islands of the Aegean +sea and the towns of the Asiatic coast to return under the Athenian +power, but this was really only an honourable excuse for thrusting him +aside for reasons of jealousy. + +[668] Unknown. + +[669] During the earlier years of the Peloponnesian war, when the annual +invasion of Attica by the Lacedaemonians drove the country population +into the city. + +[670] A demagogue, otherwise unknown. + +[671] Cephalus' father was said to have been a tinker. + +[672] The comic poets accused him of being an alien by birth and also an +informer and a rogue. See the 'Plutus.' + +[673] There was a Greek saying, "_Look into the backside of a dog and of +three foxes_" which, says the Scholiast, used to be addressed to those +who had bad eyes. But the precise point of the joke here is difficult to +see. + +[674] An obscene allusion; [Greek: hupokrouein] means both _pulsare_ and +_subagitare_,--to strike, and also to move to the man in sexual +intercourse. + +[675] In order to vote. + +[676] The Chorus addresses the leaders amongst the women by the names of +men. Charitimides was commander of the Athenian navy. + +[677] The countryfolk affected to despise the townspeople, whom they +dubbed idle and lazy. + +[678] The fee of the citizens who attended the Assembly had varied like +that of the dicasts, or jurymen. + +[679] An Athenian general, who gained brilliant victories over the +Thebans during the period prior to the Peloponnesian war. + +[680] A dithyrambic poet, and notorious for his dissoluteness; he was +accused of having daubed the statues of Hecate at the Athenian +cross-roads with ordure. + +[681] The women wore yellow tunics, called [Greek: krok_otoi], because of +their colour. + +[682] This Thrasybulus, not to be confounded with the more famous +Thrasybulus, restorer of the Athenian democracy, in 403 B.C., had +undertaken to speak against the Spartans, who had come with proposals of +peace, but afterwards excused himself, pretending to be labouring under a +sore throat, brought on by eating wild pears (B.C. 393). The Athenians +suspected him of having been bribed by the Spartans. + +[683] A coined word, derived from [Greek: _achras_], a wild pear. + +[684] Amynon was not a physician, according to the Scholiast, but one of +those orators called [Greek: europr_oktoi] (_laticuli_) 'wide-arsed,' +because addicted to habits of pathic vice, and was invoked by Blepyrus +for that reason. + +[685] A doctor notorious for his dissolute life. + +[686] The Grecian goddess who presided over child-birth. + +[687] He is afraid lest some comic poet should surprise him in his +ridiculous position and might cause a laugh at his expense upon the +stage. + +[688] In accordance with a quaint Athenian custom a rope daubed with +vermilion was drawn across from end to end of the Agora (market-place) by +officials of the city at the last moment before the Ecclesia, or Public +Assembly, was to meet. Any citizen trying to evade his duty to be present +was liable to have his white robe streaked red, and so be exposed to +general ridicule on finally putting in an appearance on the Pnyx. + +[689] A parody on a verse in 'The Myrmidons' of Aeschylus.--Antilochus +was the son of Nestor; he was killed by Memnon, when defending his +father. + +[690] See above. + +[691] He was very poor, and his cloak was such a mass of holes that one +might doubt his having one at all. This surname, Evaeon ([Greek: eu +ai_on], delicious life) had doubtless been given him on the 'lucus a non' +principle because of his wretchedness. + +[692] Apparently a wealthy corn-factor. + +[693] Presumably this refers to the grandson of Nicias, the leader of the +expedition to Sicily; he must have been sixteen or seventeen years old +about that time, since, according to Lysias, Niceratus, the son of the +great Nicias, was killed in 405 B.C. and had left a son of tender age +behind him, who bore the name of his grandfather. + +[694] That is, the pale-faced folk in the Assembly already referred +to--really the women there present surreptitiously. + +[695] To eat cuttle-fish was synonymous with enjoying the highest +felicity. + +[696] A common vulgar saying, used among the Athenians, as much as to +say, _To the devil with interruptions!_ + +[697] This stood in the centre of the market-place. + +[698] It was the custom at Athens to draw lots to decide in which Court +each dicast should serve; Praxagora proposes to apply the same system to +decide the dining station for each citizen. + +[699] In Greek [Greek: h_e basileius]([Greek: stoa], understood), the +first letter a [Greek: b_eta.] + +[700] Commencing with a [Greek: Th_eta]. + +[701] [Greek: Ha alphitop_olis stoa]; why [Greek: kappa], it is hard to +say; from some popular nickname probably, which is unknown to us. + +[702] The pun cannot be kept in English; it is between [Greek: kaptein], +to gobble, to cram oneself, and [Greek: kappa], the designating letter. + +[703] That is, one of the beautiful maidens selected to bear the baskets +containing the sacred implements in procession at the Festival of +Demeter, Bacchus and Athené. + +[704] The slave-girl who attended each Canephoros, and sheltered her from +the sun's rays. + +[705] Mentioned a little above for his ugliness; the Scholiast says he +was a general. + +[706] Hydriaphoros; the wives of resident aliens ([Greek: metoikoi]) were +allowed to take part in these processions, but in a subordinate position; +they carried vessels full of water for the service of the sacrifice. + +[707] Scaphephoros, bearer of the vases containing the honey required for +the sacrifices. The office was assigned to the [Greek: metoikoi] as a +recognition of their semi-citizenship. + +[708] A miser, who, moreover, was obstinately constipated. + +[709] Presumably a man in extreme poverty. + +[710] The ancients carried small coins in their mouth; this custom still +obtains to-day in the East. + +[711] This Euripides was the son of the tragic poet. + +[712] This Smaeus was a notorious debauchee; the phrase contains obscene +allusions, implying that he was ready both to ride a woman or to lick her +privates--[Greek: kel_etizein] or [Greek: lesbiazein]. + +[713] Geres, an old fop, who wanted to pass as a young man. + +[714] According to Greek custom, these were left at the entrance of the +banqueting-hall. + +[715] The names of his slaves. + +[716] A specimen of the _serenades_ ([Greek: paraklausithura]) of the +Greeks. + +[717] An Attic deme. There is an obscene jest here; the word [Greek: +anaphlan] means to masturbate. + +[718] [Greek: Ton Sebinon], a coined name, representing [Greek: ton se +binounta], 'the man who is to tread you.' + +[719] The passage is written in the language of the Bar. It is an +allusion to the slowness of justice at Athens. + +[720] i.e. the new law must be conformed to all round. + +[721] It was customary to paint phials or little bottles on the coffins +of the poor; these emblems took the place of the perfumes that were +sprinkled on the bodies of the rich. + +[722] i.e. unless I am your slave; no doubt this tax of five hundredths +was paid by the master on the assumed value of his slave.--We have, +however, no historical data to confirm this. + +[723] Nickname of the notorious brigand. The word means 'one who +stretches and tortures,' from [Greek: prokrouein], and refers to his +habit of fitting all his captives to the same bedstead--the 'bed of +Procrustes'--stretching them if too short to the required length, lopping +their limbs as required if they were too long. Here a further pun is +involved, [Greek: prokrouein] meaning also 'to go with a woman first.' + +[724] Athenian law declared it illegal for a woman to contract any debt +exceeding the price of a _medimnus_ of corn; this law is now supposed to +affect the men. + +[725] Merchants were exempt from military service; in this case, it is +another kind of service that the old woman wants to exact from the young +man. + +[726] A Thracian brigand, who forced strangers to share his daughters' +bed, or be devoured by his horses. + +[727] Dead bodies were laid out on a layer of origanum, which is an +aromatic plant. + +[728] The young man is here describing the formalities connected with the +laying out of the dead. + +[729] Who had married his mother Jocasta without knowing it. + +[730] A hideous spectre that Hecaté was supposed to send to frighten men. + +[731] Which provided that where a number of criminals were charged with +the same offence, each must be tried separately. + +[732] As an aphrodisiac. + +[733] We have already seen similar waggish endings to phrases in the +'Lysistrata'; the figure is called [Greek: para prosdokian]--'contrary to +expectation.' + +[734] Nothing is known as to these Cretan rhythms. According to the +Scholiast, this is a jest, because the Cretans, who were great eaters, +sat down to table early in the morning. This is what the Chorus supposes +it is going to do, since 'The Ecclesiazusae' was played first, i.e. +during the forenoon. + +[735] This wonderful word consists, in the original Greek, of +seventy-seven syllables. For similar burlesque compounds see the +'Lysistrata,' 457, 458; 'Wasps,' 505 and 520. Compare Shakespeare, +'Love's Labour's Lost,' Act V. sc. 1: "I marvel thy master hath not eaten +thee for a word; for thou art not so long by the head as +_honorificabilitudinitatibus_." This is outdone by Rabelais' +_Antipericatametaanaparbeugedamphicribrationibus_. + + + + +PLUTUS[*] + + + + +[* Transcriber's note: This caption is missing in the original.] + +INTRODUCTION + +The 'Plutus' differs widely from all other works of its Author, and, it +must be confessed, is the least interesting and diverting of them all. +"In its absence of personal interests and personal satire," and its lack +of strong comic incidents, "it approximates rather to a whimsical +allegory than a comedy properly so called." + +The plot is of the simplest. Chremylus, a poor but just man, accompanied +by his body-servant Cario--the redeeming feature, by the by, of an +otherwise dull play, the original type of the comic valet of the stage of +all subsequent periods--consults the Delphic Oracle concerning his son, +whether he ought not to be instructed in injustice and knavery and the +other arts whereby worldly men acquire riches. By way of answer the god +only tells him that he is to follow whomsoever he first meets upon +leaving the temple, who proves to be a blind and ragged old man. But this +turns out to be no other than Plutus himself, the god of riches, whom +Zeus has robbed of his eyesight, so that he may be unable henceforth to +distinguish between the just and the unjust. However, succoured by +Chremylus and conducted by him to the Temple of Aesculapius, Plutus +regains the use of his eyes. Whereupon all just men, including the god's +benefactor, are made rich and prosperous, and the unjust reduced to +indigence. + +The play was, it seems, twice put upon the stage--first in 408 B.C., and +again in a revised and reinforced edition, with allusions and innuendoes +brought up to date, in 388 B.C., a few years before the Author's death. +The text we possess--marred, however, by several considerable lacunae--is +now generally allowed to be that of the piece as played at the later +date, when it won the prize. + + * * * * * + +PLUTUS + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +CHREMYLUS. +CARIO, Servant of Chremylus. +PLUTUS, God of Riches. +BLEPSIDEMUS, friend of Chremylus. +WIFE OF CHREMYLUS. +POVERTY. +A JUST MAN. +AN INFORMER, or Sycophant. +AN OLD WOMAN. +A YOUTH. +HERMES. +A PRIEST OF ZEUS. +CHORUS OF RUSTICS. + +SCENE: In front of a farmhouse--a road leading up to it. + + * * * * * + +PLUTUS + + +CARIO. What an unhappy fate, great gods, to be the slave of a fool! A +servant may give the best of advice, but if his master does not follow +it, the poor slave must inevitably have his share in the disaster; for +fortune does not allow him to dispose of his own body, it belongs to his +master who has bought it. Alas! 'tis the way of the world. But the god, +Apollo, whose oracles the Pythian priestess on her golden tripod makes +known to us, deserves my censure, for 'tis assured he is a physician and +a cunning diviner; and yet my master is leaving his temple infected with +mere madness and insists on following a blind man. Is this not opposed to +all good sense? 'Tis for us, who see clearly, to guide those who don't; +whereas he clings to the trail of a blind fellow and compels me to do the +same without answering my questions with ever a word. (_To Chremylus._) +Aye, master, unless you tell me why we are following this unknown fellow, +I will not be silent, but I will worry and torment you, for you cannot +beat me because of my sacred chaplet of laurel. + +CHREMYLUS. No, but if you worry me I will take off your chaplet, and then +you will only get a sounder thrashing. + +CARIO. That's an old song! I am going to leave you no peace till you have +told me who this man is; and if I ask it, 'tis entirely because of my +interest in you. + +CHREMYLUS. Well, be it so. I will reveal it to you as being the most +faithful and the most rascally of all my servants.[736] I honoured the +gods and did what was right, and yet I was none the less poor and +unfortunate. + +CARIO. I know it but too well. + +CHREMYLUS. Other amassed wealth--the sacrilegious, the demagogues, the +informers,[737] indeed every sort of rascal. + +CARIO. I believe you. + +CHREMYLUS. Therefore I came to consult the oracle of the god, not on my +own account, for my unfortunate life is nearing its end, but for my only +son; I wanted to ask Apollo, if it was necessary for him to become a +thorough knave and renounce his virtuous principles, since that seemed to +me to be the only way to succeed in life. + +CARIO. And with what responding tones did the sacred tripod resound?[738] + +CHREMYLUS. You shall know. The god ordered me in plain terms to follow +the first man I should meet upon leaving the temple and to persuade him +to accompany me home. + +CARIO. And who was the first one you met? + +CHREMYLUS. This blind man. + +CARIO. And you are stupid enough not to understand the meaning of such an +answer? Why, the god was advising you thereby, and that in the clearest +possible way, to bring up your son according to the fashion of your +country. + +CHREMYLUS. What makes you think that? + +CARIO. Is it not evident to the blind, that nowadays to do nothing that +is right is the best way to get on? + +CHREMYLUS. No, that is not the meaning of the oracle; there must be +another, that is nobler. If this blind man would tell us who he is and +why and with what object he has led us here, we should no doubt +understand what our oracle really does mean. + +CARIO (_to Plutus_). Come, tell us at once who you are, or I give effect +to my threat. (_He menaces him_.) And quick too, be quick, I say. + +PLUTUS. I'll thrash you. + +CARIO (_to Chremylus_). Ha! is it thus he tells us his name? + +CHREMYLUS. 'Tis to you and not to me that he replies thus; your mode of +questioning him was ill-advised. (_To Plutus._) Come, friend, if you care +to oblige an honest man, answer me. + +PLUTUS. I'll knock you down. + +CARIO. Ah! what a pleasant fellow and what a delightful prophecy the god +has given you! + +CHREMYLUS. By Demeter, you'll have no reason to laugh presently. + +CARIO. If you don't speak, you wretch, I will surely do you an ill turn. + +PLUTUS. Friends, take yourselves off and leave me. + +CHREMYLUS. That we very certainly shan't. + +CARIO. This, master, is the best thing to do. I'll undertake to secure +him the most frightful death; I will lead him to the verge of a precipice +and then leave him there, so that he'll break his neck when he pitches +over. + +CHREMYLUS. Well then, I leave him to you, and do the thing quickly. + +PLUTUS. Oh, no! Have mercy! + +CHREMYLUS. Will you speak then? + +PLUTUS. But if you learn who I am, I know well that you will ill-use me +and will not let me go again. + +CHREMYLUS. I call the gods to witness that you have naught to fear if you +will only speak. + +PLUTUS. Well then, first unhand me. + +CHREMYLUS. There! we set you free. + +PLUTUS. Listen then, since I must reveal what I had intended to keep a +secret. I am Plutus.[739] + +CHREMYLUS. Oh! you wretched rascal! You Plutus all the while, and you +never said so! + +CARIO. You, Plutus, and in this piteous guise! + +CHREMYLUS. Oh, Phoebus Apollo! oh, ye gods of heaven and hell! Oh, Zeus! +is it really and truly as you say? + +PLUTUS. Aye. + +CHREMYLUS. Plutus' very own self? + +PLUTUS. His own very self and none other. + +CHREMYLUS. But tell me, whence come you to be so squalid? + +PLUTUS. I have just left Patrocles' house, who has not had a bath since +his birth.[740] + +CHREMYLUS. But your infirmity; how did that happen? Tell me. + +PLUTUS. Zeus inflicted it on me, because of his jealousy of mankind. When +I was young, I threatened him that I would only go to the just, the wise, +the men of ordered life; to prevent my distinguishing these, he struck me +with blindness! so much does he envy the good! + +CHREMYLUS. And yet, 'tis only the upright and just who honour him. + +PLUTUS. Quite true. + +CHREMYLUS. Therefore, if ever you recovered your sight, you would shun +the wicked? + +PLUTUS. Undoubtedly. + +CHREMYLUS. You would visit the good? + +PLUTUS. Assuredly. It is a very long time since I saw them. + +CHREMYLUS. That's not astonishing. I, who see clearly, don't see a single +one. + +PLUTUS. Now let me leave you, for I have told you everything. + +CHREMYLUS. No, certainly not! we shall fasten ourselves on to you faster +than ever. + +PLUTUS. Did I not tell you, you were going to plague me? + +CHREMYLUS. Oh! I adjure you, believe what I say and don't leave me; for +you will seek in vain for a more honest man than myself. + +CARIO. There is only one man more worthy; and that is I. + +PLUTUS. All talk like this, but as soon as they secure my favours and +grow rich, their wickedness knows no bounds. + +CHREMYLUS. And yet all men are not wicked. + +PLUTUS. All. There's no exception. + +CARIO. You shall pay for that opinion. + +CHREMYLUS. Listen to what happiness there is in store for you, if you but +stay with us. I have hope; aye, I have good hope with the god's help to +deliver you from that blindness, in fact to restore your sight. + +PLUTUS. Oh! do nothing of the kind, for I don't wish to recover it. + +CHREMYLUS. What's that you say? + +CARIO. This fellow hugs his own misery. + +PLUTUS. If you were mad enough to cure me, and Zeus heard of it, he would +overwhelm me with his anger. + +CHREMYLUS. And is he not doing this now by leaving you to grope your +wandering way? + +PLUTUS. I don't know; but I'm horribly afraid of him. + +CHREMYLUS. Indeed? Ah! you are the biggest poltroon of all the gods! Why, +Zeus with his throne and his lightnings would not be worth an obolus if +you recovered your sight, were it but for a few instants. + +PLUTUS. Impious man, don't talk like that. + +CHREMYLUS. Fear nothing! I will prove to you that you are far more +powerful and mightier than he. + +PLUTUS. I mightier than he? + +CHREMYLUS. Aye, by heaven! For instance, what is the origin of the power +that Zeus wields over the other gods?[741] + +CARIO. 'Tis money; he has so much of it. + +CHREMYLUS. And who gives it to him? + +CARIO (_pointing to Plutus_). This fellow. + +CHREMYLUS. If sacrifices are offered to him, is not Plutus their cause? + +CARIO. Undoubtedly, for 'tis wealth that all demand and clamour most +loudly for. + +CHREMYLUS. Thus 'tis Plutus who is the fount of all the honours rendered +to Zeus, whose worship he can wither up at the root, if it so please him. + +PLUTUS. And how so? + +CHREMYLUS. Not an ox, nor a cake, nor indeed anything at all could be +offered, if you did not wish it. + +PLUTUS. Why? + +CHREMYLUS. Why? but what means are there to buy anything if you are not +there to give the money? Hence if Zeus should cause you any trouble, you +will destroy his power without other help. + +PLUTUS. So 'tis because of me that sacrifices are offered to him? + +CHREMYLUS. Most assuredly. Whatever is dazzling, beautiful or charming in +the eyes of mankind, comes from you. Does not everything depend on +wealth? + +CARIO. I myself was bought for a few coins; if I'm a slave, 'tis only +because I was not rich. + +CHREMYLUS. And what of the Corinthian courtesans?[742] If a poor man +offers them proposals, they do not listen; but if it be a rich one, +instantly they offer their buttocks for his pleasure. + +CARIO. 'Tis the same with the lads; they care not for love, to them money +means everything. + +CHREMYLUS. You speak of those who accept all comers; yet some of them are +honest, and 'tis not money they ask of their patrons. + +CARIO. What then? + +CHREMYLUS. A fine horse, a pack of hounds. + +CARIO. Aye, they would blush to ask for money and cleverly disguise their +shame. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Tis in you that every art, all human inventions, have had +their origin; 'tis through you that one man sits cutting leather in his +shop. + +CARIO. That another fashions iron or wood. + +CHREMYLUS. That yet another chases the gold he has received from you. + +CARIO. That one is a fuller. + +CHREMYLUS. That t'other washes wool. + +CARIO. That this one is a tanner. + +CHREMYLUS. And that other sells onions. + +CARIO. And if the adulterer, caught red-handed, is depilated,[743] 'tis +on account of you.[744] + +PLUTUS. Oh! great gods! I knew naught of all this! + +CARIO. Is it not he who lends the Great King all his pride? + +CHREMYLUS. Is it not he who draws the citizens to the Assembly?[745] + +CARIO. And tell me, is it not you who equip the triremes?[746] + +CHREMYLUS. And who feed our mercenaries at Corinth?[747] + +CARIO. Are not you the cause of Pamphilus' sufferings?[748] + +CHREMYLUS. And of the needle-seller's[749] with Pamphilus? + +CARIO. Is it not because of you that Agyrrhius[750] lets wind so loudly? + +CHREMYLUS. And that Philepsius[751] rolls off his fables? + +CARIO. That troops are sent to succour the Egyptians?[752] + +CHREMYLUS. And that Laïs is kept by Philonides?[753] + +CARIO. That the tower of Timotheus[754] ... + +CHREMYLUS. ... (_To Cario._) May it fall upon your head! (_To Plutus._) +In short, Plutus, 'tis through you that everything is done; be it known +to you that you are the sole cause both of good and evil. + +CARIO. In war, 'tis the flag under which you serve that victory favours. + +PLUTUS. What! I can do so many things by myself and unaided? + +CHREMYLUS. And many others besides; wherefore men are never tired of your +gifts. They get weary of all else,--of love ... + +CARIO. Of bread. + +CHREMYLUS. Of music. + +CARIO. Of sweetmeats. + +CHREMYLUS. Of honours. + +CARIO. Of cakes. + +CHREMYLUS. Of battles. + +CARIO. Of figs. + +CHREMYLUS. Of ambition. + +CARIO. Of gruel. + +CHREMYLUS. Of military advancement. + +CARIO. Of lentils.[755] + +CHREMYLUS. But of you they never tire. Has a man got thirteen talents, he +has all the greater ardour to possess sixteen; is that wish achieved, he +will want forty or will complain that he knows not how to make the two +ends meet. + +PLUTUS. All this, methinks, is very true; there is but one point that +makes me feel a bit uneasy. + +CHREMYLUS. And that is? + +PLUTUS. How could I use this power, which you say I have? + +CHREMYLUS. Ah! they were quite right who said, there's nothing more +timorous than Plutus. + +PLUTUS. No, no; it was a thief who calumniated me. Having broken into a +house, he found everything locked up and could take nothing, so he dubbed +my prudence fear. + +CHREMYLUS. Don't be disturbed; if you support me zealously, I'll make you +more sharp-sighted than Lynceus.[756] + +PLUTUS. And how should you be able to do that, you, who are but a mortal? + +CHREMYLUS. I have great hope, after the answer Apollo gave me, shaking +his sacred laurels the while. + +PLUTUS. Is _he_ in the plot then? + +CHREMYLUS. Aye, truly. + +PLUTUS. Take care what you say. + +CHREMYLUS. Never fear, friend; for, be well assured, that if it has to +cost me my life, I will carry out what I have in my head. + +CARIO. And I will help you, if you permit it. + +CHREMYLUS. We shall have many other helpers as well--all the worthy folk +who are wanting for bread. + +PLUTUS. Ah! ha! they'll prove sorry helpers. + +CHREMYLUS. No, not so, once they've grown rich. But you, Cario, run quick +... + +CARIO. Where? + +CHREMYLUS. ... to call my comrades, the other husbandmen, that each of +them may come here to take his share of the gifts of Plutus. + +CARIO. I'm off. But let someone come from the house to take this morsel +of meat.[757] + +CHREMYLUS. I'll see to that; you run your hardest. As for you, Plutus, +the most excellent of all the gods, come in here with me; this is the +house you must fill with riches today, by fair means or foul.[758] + +PLUTUS. I don't like at all going into other folks' houses in this +manner; I have never got any good from it. If I got inside a miser's +house, straightway he would bury me deep underground; if some honest +fellow among his friends came to ask him for the smallest coin, he would +deny ever having seen me. Then if I went to a fool's house, he would +sacrifice me as a prey to gaming and to girls, and very soon I should be +completely stripped and pitched out of doors. + +CHREMYLUS. That's because you have never met a man who knew how to avoid +the two extremes; moderation is the strong point in my character. I love +saving as much as anybody, and I know how to spend, when 'tis needed. But +let us go in; I want to make you known to my wife and to my only son, +whom I love most of all after yourself. + +PLUTUS. Aye, after myself, I'm very sure of that. + +CHREMYLUS. Why should I hide the truth from you? + +CARIO. Come, you active workers, who, like my master, eat nothing but +garlic and the poorest food, you who are his friends and his neighbours, +hasten your steps, hurry yourselves; there's not a moment to lose; this +is the critical hour, when your presence and your support is needed by +him. + +CHORUS. Why, don't you see we are speeding as fast as men can, who are +already enfeebled by age? But do you deem it fitting to make us run like +this before ever telling us why your master has called us? + +CARIO. I've grown hoarse with the telling, but you won't listen. My +master is going to drag you all out of the stupid, sapless life you are +leading and ensure you one full of all delights. + +CHORUS. And how is he going to manage that? + +CARIO. My poor friends, he has brought with him a disgusting old fellow, +all bent and wrinkled, with a most pitiful appearance, bald and +toothless; upon my word, I even believe he is circumcised like some vile +barbarian. + +CHORUS. These are news worth their weight in gold! What are you saying? +Repeat it to me; no doubt it means he is bringing back a heap of wealth. + +CARIO. No, but a heap of all the infirmities attendant on old age. + +CHORUS. If you are tricking us, you shall pay us for it. Beware of our +sticks! + +CARIO. Do you deem me so brazen as all that, and my words mere lies? + +CHORUS. What serious airs the rascal puts on! Look! his legs are already +shrieking, "oh! oh!" they are asking for the shackles and wedges. + +CARIO. 'Tis in the tomb that 'tis your lot to judge. Why don't you go +there? Charon has given you your ticket.[759] + +CHORUS. Plague take you! you cursed rascal, who rail at us and have not +even the heart to tell us why your master has made us come. We were +pressed for time and tired out, yet we came with all haste, and in our +hurry we have passed by lots of wild onions without even gathering them. + +CARIO. I will no longer conceal the truth from you. Friends, 'tis Plutus +whom my master brings, Plutus, who will give you riches. + +CHORUS. What! we shall really all become rich! + +CARIO. Aye, certainly; you will then be Midases, provided you grow ass's +ears. + +CHORUS. What joy, what happiness! If what you tell me is true, I long to +dance with delight. + +CARIO. And I too, threttanello![760] I want to imitate Cyclops and lead +your troop by stamping like this.[761] Do you, my dear little ones, cry, +aye, cry again and bleat forth the plaintive song of the sheep and of the +stinking goats; follow me with erected organs like lascivious goats ready +for action. + +CHORUS. As for us, threttanello! we will seek you, dear Cyclops, +bleating, and if we find you with your wallet full of fresh herbs, all +disgusting in your filth, sodden with wine and sleeping in the midst of +your sheep, we will seize a great flaming stake and burn out your +eye.[762] + +CARIO. I will copy that Circé of Corinth,[763] whose potent philtres +compelled the companions of Philonides to swallow balls of dung, which +she herself had kneaded with her hands, as if they were swine; and do you +too grunt with joy and follow your mother, my little pigs. + +CHORUS. Oh! Circé[764] with the potent philtres, who besmear your +companions so filthily, what pleasure I shall have in imitating the son +of Laertes! I will hang you up by your testicles,[765] I will rub your +nose with dung like a goat, and like Aristyllus[766] you shall say +through your half-opened lips, "Follow your mother, my little pigs." + +CARIO. Enough of tomfoolery, assume a grave demeanour; unknown to my +master I am going to take bread and meat; and when I have fed well, I +shall resume my work. + +CHREMYLUS. To say, "Hail! my dear neighbours!" is an old form of greeting +and well worn with use; so therefore I embrace you, because you have not +crept like tortoises, but have come rushing here in all haste. Now help +me to watch carefully and closely over the god. + +CHORUS. Be at ease. You shall see with what martial zeal I will guard +him. What! we jostle each other at the Assembly for three obols, and am I +going to let Plutus in person be stolen from me? + +CHREMYLUS. But I see Blepsidemus; by his bearing and his haste I can +readily see he knows or suspects something. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. What has happened then? Whence, how has Chremylus suddenly +grown rich? I don't believe a word of it. Nevertheless, nothing but his +sudden fortune was being talked about in the barbers' booths. But I am +above all surprised that his good fortune has not made him forget his +friends; that is not the usual way! + +CHREMYLUS. By the gods, Blepsidemus, I will hide nothing from you. To-day +things are better than yesterday; let us share, for are you not my +friend? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Have you really grown rich as they say? + +CHREMYLUS I shall be soon, if the god agrees to it. But there is still +some risk to run. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. What risk? + +CHREMYLUS. What risk? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. What do you mean? Explain. + +CHREMYLUS. If we succeed, we are happy for ever, but if we fail, it is +all over with us. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis a bad business, and one that doesn't please me! To grow +rich all at once and yet to be fearful! ah! I suspect something that's +little good. + +CHREMYLUS. What do you mean, that's little good? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. No doubt you have just stolen some gold and silver from some +temple and are repenting. + +CHREMYLUS. Nay! heaven preserve me from that! + +BLEPSIDEMUS. A truce to idle phrases! the thing is only too apparent, my +friend. + +CHREMYLUS. Don't suspect such a thing of me. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Alas! then there is no honest man! not one, that can resist +the attraction of gold! + +CHREMYLUS. By Demeter, you have no common sense. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. To have to persist like this in denial one's whole life +long! + +CHREMYLUS. But, good gods, you are mad, my dear fellow! + +BLEPSIDEMUS. His very look is distraught; he has done some crime! + +CHREMYLUS. Ah! I know the tune you are playing now; you think I have +stolen, and want your share. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. My share of what, pray? + +CHREMYLUS. You are beside the mark; the thing is quite otherwise. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis perhaps not a theft, but some piece of knavery! + +CHREMYLUS. You are insane! + +BLEPSIDEMUS. What? You have done no man an injury? + +CHREMYLUS. No! assuredly not! + +BLEPSIDEMUS. But, great gods, what am I to think? You won't tell me the +truth. + +CHREMYLUS. You accuse me without really knowing anything. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Listen, friend, no doubt the matter can yet be hushed up, +before it gets noised abroad, at trifling expense; I will buy the +orators' silence. + +CHREMYLUS. Aye, you will lay out three minae and, as my friend, you will +reckon twelve against me. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. I know someone who will come and seat himself at the foot of +the tribunal, holding a supplicant's bough in his hand and surrounded by +his wife and children, for all the world like the Heraclidae of +Pamphilus.[767] + +CHREMYLUS. Not at all, poor fool! But, thanks to me, worthy folk, +intelligent and moderate men alone shall be rich henceforth. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. What are you saying? Have you then stolen so much as all +that? + +CHREMYLUS. Oh! your insults will be the death of me. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis rather you yourself who are courting death. + +CHREMYLUS. Not so, you wretch, since I have Plutus. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. You have Plutus? Which one? + +CHREMYLUS. The god himself. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. And where is he? + +CHREMYLUS. There. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Where? + +CHREMYLUS. Indoors. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Indoors? + +CHREMYLUS. Aye, certainly. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Get you gone! Plutus in your house? + +CHREMYLUS. Yes, by the gods! + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Are you telling me the truth? + +CHREMYLUS. I am. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Swear it by Hestia. + +CHREMYLUS. I swear it by Posidon. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. The god of the sea? + +CHREMYLUS. Aye, and by all the other Posidons, if such there be. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. And you don't send him to us, to your friends? + +CHREMYLUS. We've not got to that point yet. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. What do you say? Is there no chance of sharing? + +CHREMYLUS. Why, no. We must first ... + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Do what? + +CHREMYLUS. ... restore him his sight. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Restore whom his sight? Speak! + +CHREMYLUS. Plutus. It must be done, no matter how. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Is he then really blind? + +CHREMYLUS. Yes, undoubtedly. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. I am no longer surprised he never came to me. + +CHREMYLUS. And it please the gods, he'll come there now. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Must we not go and seek a physician? + +CHREMYLUS. Seek physicians at Athens? Nay! there's no art where there's +no fee.[768] + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Let's bethink ourselves well. + +CHREMYLUS. There is not one. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis a positive fact, I don't know of one. + +CHREMYLUS. But I have thought the matter well over, and the best thing is +to make Plutus lie in the Temple of Aesculapius.[769] + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Aye, unquestionably 'tis the very best thing. Be quick and +lead him away to the Temple. + +CHREMYLUS. I am going there. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Then hurry yourself. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Tis just what I am doing. + +POVERTY. Unwise, perverse, unholy men! What are you daring to do, you +pitiful, wretched mortals? Whither are you flying? Stop! I command it! + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Oh! great gods! + +POVERTY. My arm shall destroy you, you infamous beings! Such an attempt +is not to be borne; neither man nor god has ever dared the like. You +shall die! + +CHREMYLUS. And who are you? Oh! what a ghastly pallor! + +BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis perchance some Erinnys, some Fury, from the +theatre;[770] there's a kind of wild tragedy look in her eyes. + +CHREMYLUS. But she has no torch. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Let's knock her down! + +POVERTY. Who do you think I am? + +CHREMYLUS. Some wine-shop keeper or egg-woman. Otherwise you would not +have shrieked so loud at us, who have done nothing to you. + +POVERTY. Indeed? And have you not done me the most deadly injury by +seeking to banish me from every country? + +CHREMYLUS. Why, have you not got the Barathrum[771] left? But who are +you? Answer me quickly! + +POVERTY. I am one that will punish you this very day for having wanted to +make me disappear from here. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Might it be the tavern-keeper in my neighbourhood, who is +always cheating me in measure? + +POVERTY. I am Poverty, who have lived with you for so many years. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Oh! great Apollo! oh, ye gods! whither shall I fly? + +CHREMYLUS. Now then! what are you doing? You poltroon! Will you kindly +stop here? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Not I. + +CHREMYLUS. Will you have the goodness to stop. Are two men to fly from a +woman? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. But, you wretch, 'tis Poverty, the most fearful monster that +ever drew breath. + +CHREMYLUS. Stay where you are, I beg of you. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. No! no! a thousand times, no! + +CHREMYLUS. Could we do anything worse than leave the god in the lurch and +fly before this woman without so much as ever offering to fight? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. But what weapons have we? Are we in a condition to show +fight? Where is the breastplate, the buckler, that this wretch has not +pledged? + +CHREMYLUS. Be at ease. Plutus will readily triumph over her threats +unaided. + +POVERTY. Dare you reply, you scoundrels, you who are caught red-handed at +the most horrible crime? + +CHREMYLUS. As for you, you cursed jade, you pursue me with your abuse, +though I have never done you the slightest harm. + +POVERTY. Do you think it is doing me no harm to restore Plutus to the use +of his eyes? + +CHREMYLUS. Is this doing you harm, that we shower blessings on all men? + +POVERTY. And what do you think will ensure their happiness? + +CHREMYLUS. Ah! first of all we shall drive you out of Greece. + +POVERTY. Drive me out? Could you do mankind a greater harm? + +CHREMYLUS. Yes--if I gave up my intention to deliver them from you. + +POVERTY. Well, let us discuss this point first. I propose to show that I +am the sole cause of all your blessings, and that your safety depends on +me alone. If I don't succeed, then do what you like to me. + +CHREMYLUS. How dare you talk like this, you impudent hussy? + +POVERTY. Agree to hear me and I think it will be very easy for me to +prove that you are entirely on the wrong road, when you want to make the +just men wealthy. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Oh! cudgel and rope's end, come to my help! + +POVERTY. Why such wrath and these shouts, before you hear my arguments? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. But who could listen to such words without exclaiming? + +POVERTY. Any man of sense. + +CHREMYLUS. But if you lose your case, what punishment will you submit to? + +POVERTY. Choose what you will. + +CHREMYLUS. That's all right. + +POVERTY. You shall suffer the same if you are beaten! + +CHREMYLUS. Do you think twenty deaths a sufficiently large stake? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Good enough for her, but for us two would suffice. + +POVERTY. You won't escape, for is there indeed a single valid argument to +oppose me with? + +CHORUS. To beat her in this debate, you must call upon all your wits. +Make no allowances and show no weakness! + +CHREMYLUS. It is right that the good should be happy, that the wicked and +the impious, on the other hand, should be miserable; that is a truth, I +believe, which no one will gainsay. To realize this condition of things +is as great a proposal as it is noble and useful in every respect, and we +have found a means of attaining the object of our wishes. If Plutus +recovers his sight and ceases from wandering about unseeing and at +random, he will go to seek the just men and never leave them again; he +will shun the perverse and ungodly; so, thanks to him, all men will +become honest, rich and pious. Can anything better be conceived for the +public weal? + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Of a certainty, no! I bear witness to that. It is not even +necessary she should reply. + +CHREMYLUS. Does it not seem that everything is extravagance in the world, +or rather madness, when you watch the way things go? A crowd of rogues +enjoy blessings they have won by sheer injustice, while more honest folks +are miserable, die of hunger, and spend their whole lives with you. + +CHORUS. Yes, if Plutus became clear-sighted again and drove out Poverty, +'twould be the greatest blessing possible for the human race. + +POVERTY. Here are two old men, whose brains are easy to confuse, who +assist each other to talk rubbish and drivel to their hearts' content. +But if your wishes were realized, your profit would be great! Let Plutus +recover his sight and divide his favours out equally to all, and none +will ply either trade or art any longer; all toil would be done away +with. Who would wish to hammer iron, build ships, sew, turn, cut up +leather, bake bricks, bleach linen, tan hides, or break up the soil of +the earth with the plough and garner the gifts of Demeter, if he could +live in idleness and free from all this work? + +CHREMYLUS. What nonsense all this is! All these trades which you just +mention will be plied by our slaves. + +POVERTY. Your slaves! And by what means will these slaves be got? + +CHREMYLUS. We will buy them. + +POVERTY. But first say, who will sell them, if everyone is rich? + +CHREMYLUS. Some greedy dealer from Thessaly--the land which supplies so +many. + +POVERTY. But if your system is applied, there won't be a single +slave-dealer left. What rich man would risk his life to devote himself to +this traffic? You will have to toil, to dig and submit yourself to all +kinds of hard labour; so that your life would be more wretched even than +it is now. + +CHREMYLUS. May this prediction fall upon yourself! + +POVERTY. You will not be able to sleep in a bed, for no more will ever be +manufactured; nor on carpets, for who would weave them if he had gold? +When you bring a young bride to your dwelling, you will have no essences +wherewith to perfume her, nor rich embroidered cloaks dyed with dazzling +colours in which to clothe her. And yet what is the use of being rich, if +you are to be deprived of all these enjoyments? On the other hand, you +have all that you need in abundance, thanks to me; to the artisan I am +like a severe mistress, who forces him by need and poverty to seek the +means of earning his livelihood. + +CHREMYLUS. And what good thing can you give us, unless it be burns in the +bath,[772] and swarms of brats and old women who cry with hunger, and +clouds uncountable of lice, gnats and flies, which hover about the +wretch's head, trouble him, awake him and say, "You will be hungry, but +get up!" Besides, to possess a rag in place of a mantle, a pallet of +rushes swarming with bugs, that do not let you close your eyes for a bed; +a rotten piece of matting for a coverlet; a big stone for a pillow, on +which to lay your head; to eat mallow roots instead of bread, and leaves +of withered radish instead of cake; to have nothing but the cover of a +broken jug for a stool, the stave of a cask, and broken at that, for a +kneading-trough, that is the life you make for us! Are these the mighty +benefits with which you pretend to load mankind? + +POVERTY. 'Tis not my life that you describe; you are attacking the +existence beggars lead. + +CHREMYLUS. Is beggary not Poverty's sister? + +POVERTY. Thrasybulus and Dionysius[773] are one and the same according to +you. No, my life is not like that and never will be. The beggar, whom you +have depicted to us, never possesses anything. The poor man lives +thriftily and attentive to his work; he has not got too much, but he does +not lack what he really needs. + +CHREMYLUS. Oh! what a happy life, by Demeter! to live sparingly, to toil +incessantly and not to leave enough to pay for a tomb! + +POVERTY. That's it! Jest, jeer, and never talk seriously! But what you +don't know is this, that men with me are worth more, both in mind and +body, than with Plutus. With him they are gouty, big-bellied, heavy of +limb and scandalously stout; with me they are thin, wasp-waisted, and +terrible to the foe. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Tis no doubt by starving them that you give them that waspish +waist. + +POVERTY. As for behaviour, I will prove to you that modesty dwells with +me and insolence with Plutus. + +CHREMYLUS. Oh! the sweet modesty of stealing and breaking through +walls.[774] + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Aye, the thief is truly modest, for he hides himself. + +POVERTY. Look at the orators in our republics; as long as they are poor, +both State and people can only praise their uprightness; but once they +are fattened on the public funds, they conceive a hatred for justice, +plan intrigues against the people and attack the democracy. + +CHREMYLUS. That is absolutely true, although your tongue is very vile. +But it matters not, so don't put on those triumphant airs; you shall not +be punished any the less for having tried to persuade me that poverty is +worth more than wealth. + +POVERTY. Not being able to refute my arguments, you chatter at random and +exert yourself to no purpose. + +CHREMYLUS. Then tell me this, why does all mankind flee from you? + +POVERTY. Because I make them better. Children do the very same; they flee +from the wise counsels of their fathers. So difficult is it to see one's +true interest. + +CHREMYLUS. Will you say that Zeus cannot discern what is best? Well, he +takes Plutus to himself ... + +BLEPSIDEMUS. ... and banishes Poverty to earth. + +POVERTY. Ah me! how purblind you are, you old fellows of the days of +Saturn! Why, Zeus is poor, and I will clearly prove it to you. In the +Olympic games, which he founded, and to which he convokes the whole of +Greece every four years, why does he only crown the victorious athletes +with wild olive? If he were rich he would give them gold. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Tis in that way he shows that he clings to his wealth; he is +sparing with it, won't part with any portion of it, only bestows baubles +on the victors and keeps his money for himself. + +POVERTY. But wealth coupled to such sordid greed is yet more shameful +than poverty. + +CHREMYLUS. May Zeus destroy you, both you and your chaplet of wild olive! + +POVERTY. Thus you dare to maintain that poverty is not the fount of all +blessings! + +CHREMYLUS. Ask Hecaté[775] whether it is better to be rich or starving; +she will tell you that the rich send her a meal every month and that the +poor make it disappear before it is even served. But go and hang yourself +and don't breathe another syllable. I will not be convinced against my +will. + +POVERTY. "Oh! citizens of Argos! do you hear what he says?"[776] + +CHREMYLUS. Invoke Pauson, your boon companion, rather.[777] + +POVERTY. Alas! what is to become of me? + +CHREMYLUS. Get you gone, be off quick and a pleasant journey to you. + +POVERTY. But where shall I go? + +CHREMYLUS. To gaol; but hurry up, let us put an end to this. + +POVERTY. One day you will recall me. + +CHREMYLUS. Then you can return; but disappear for the present. I prefer +to be rich; you are free to knock your head against the walls in your +rage. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. And I too welcome wealth. I want, when I leave the bath all +perfumed with essences, to feast bravely with my wife and children and to +break wind in the faces of toilers and Poverty. + +CHREMYLUS. So that hussy has gone at last! But let us make haste to put +Plutus to bed in the Temple of Aesculapius. + +BLEPSIDEMUS. Let us make haste; else some bothering fellow may again come +to interrupt us. + +CHREMYLUS. Cario, bring the coverlets and all that I have got ready from +the house; let us conduct the god to the Temple, taking care to observe +all the proper rites. + +CHORUS. [_Missing._][778] + +CARIO. Oh! you old fellows, who used to dip out the broth served to the +poor at the festival of Theseus with little pieces of bread[779] hollowed +like a spoon, how worthy of envy is your fate! How happy you are, both +you and all just men! + +CHORUS. My good fellow, what has happened to your friends? You seem the +bearer of good tidings. + +CARIO. What joy for my master and even more for Plutus! The god has +regained his sight; his eyes sparkle with the greatest brilliancy, thanks +to the benevolent care of Aesculapius. + +CHORUS. Oh! what transports of joy! oh! What shouts of gladness! + +CARIO. Aye! one is compelled to rejoice, whether one will or not. + +CHORUS. I will sing to the honour of Aesculapius, the son of illustrious +Zeus, with a resounding voice; he is the beneficent star which men adore. + +CHREMYLUS' WIFE. What mean these shouts? Is there good news. With what +impatience have I been waiting in the house, and for so long too! + +CARIO. Quick! quick! some wine, mistress. And drink yourself, for 'tis +much to your taste; I bring you all blessings in a lump. + +WIFE. Where are they? + +CARIO. In my words, as you are going to see. + +WIFE. Have done with trifling! come, speak. + +CARIO. Listen, I am going to tell you everything from the feet to the +head. + +WIFE. Ah! don't throw anything at my head. + +CARIO. Not even the happiness that has come to you? + +WIFE. No, no, nothing ... to annoy me. + +CARIO. Having arrived near to the Temple with our patient, then so +unfortunate, but now at the apex of happiness, of blessedness, we first +led him down to the sea to purify him. + +WIFE. Ah! what a singular pleasure for an old man to bathe in the cold +sea-water! + +CARIO. Then we repaired to the Temple of the god. Once the wafers and the +various offerings had been consecrated upon the altar, and the cake of +wheaten-meal had been handed over to the devouring Hephaestus, we made +Plutus lie on a couch according to the rite, and each of us prepared +himself a bed of leaves. + +WIFE. Had any other folk come to beseech the deity? + +CARIO. Yes. Firstly, Neoclides,[780] who is blind, but steals much better +than those who see clearly; then many others attacked by complaints of +all kinds. The lights were put out and the priest enjoined us to sleep, +especially recommending us to keep silent should we hear any noise. There +we were all lying down quite quietly. I could not sleep; I was thinking +of a certain stew-pan full of pap placed close to an old woman and just +behind her head. I had a furious longing to slip towards that side. But +just as I was lifting my head, I noticed the priest, who was sweeping off +both the cakes and the figs on the sacred table; then he made the round +of the altars and sanctified the cakes that remained, by stowing them +away in a bag. I therefore resolved to follow such a pious example and +made straight for the pap. + +WIFE. You wretch! and had you no fear of the god? + +CARIO. Aye, indeed! I feared that the god with his crown on his head +might have been near the stew-pan before me. I said to myself, "Like +priest, like god." On hearing the noise I made, the old woman put out her +hand, but I hissed and bit it, just as a sacred serpent might have +done.[781] Quick she drew back her hand, slipped down into the bed with +her head beneath the coverlets and never moved again; only she let go +some wind in her fear which stunk worse than a weasel. As for myself, I +swallowed a goodly portion of the pap and, having made a good feed, went +back to bed. + +WIFE. And did not the god come? + +CAIRO. He did not tarry; and when he was near us, oh! dear! such a good +joke happened. My belly was quite blown out, and I let wind with the +loudest of noises. + +WIFE. Doubtless the god pulled a wry face? + +CARIO. No, but Iaso blushed a little and Panacea[782] turned her head +away, holding her nose; for my perfume is not that of roses. + +WIFE. And what did the god do? + +CARIO. He paid not the slightest heed. + +WIFE. He must then be a pretty coarse kind of god? + +CARIO. I don't say that, but he's used to tasting shit.[783] + +WIFE. Impudent knave, go on with you! + +CARIO. Then I hid myself in my bed all a-tremble. Aesculapius did the +round of the patients and examined them all with great attention; then a +slave placed beside him a stone mortar, a pestle and a little box.[784] + +WIFE. Of stone? + +CARIO. No, not of stone. + +WIFE. But how could you see all this, you arch-rascal, when you say you +were hiding all the time? + +CARIO. Why, great gods, through my cloak, for 'tis not without holes! He +first prepared an ointment for Neoclides; he threw three heads of +Tenian[785] garlic into the mortar, pounded them with an admixture of +fig-tree sap and lentisk, moistened the whole with Sphettian[786] +vinegar, and, turning back the patient's eyelids, applied his salve to +the interior of the eyes, so that the pain might be more excruciating. +Neoclides shrieked, howled, sprang towards the foot of his bed and wanted +to bolt, but the god laughed and said to him, "Keep where you are with +your salve; by doing this you will not go and perjure yourself before the +Assembly." + +WIFE. What a wise god and what a friend to our city! + +CARIO. Thereupon he came and seated himself at the head of Plutus' bed, +took a perfectly clean rag and wiped his eye-lids; Panacea covered his +head and face with a purple cloth, while the god whistled, and two +enormous snakes came rushing from the sanctuary. + +WIFE. Great gods! + +CARIO. They slipped gently beneath the purple cloth and, as far as I +could judge, licked the patient's eyelids; for, in less time than even +you need, mistress, to drain down ten beakers of wine, Plutus rose up; he +could see. I clapped my hands with joy and awoke my master, and the god +immediately disappeared with the serpents into the sanctuary. As for +those who were lying near Plutus, you can imagine that they embraced him +tenderly. Dawn broke and not one of them had closed an eye. As for +myself, I did not cease thanking the god who had so quickly restored to +Plutus his sight and had made Neoclides blinder than ever. + +WIFE. Oh! thou great Aesculapius! How mighty is thy power! (_To Cario._) +But tell me, where is Plutus now? + +CARIO. He is approaching, escorted by an immense crowd. The rich, whose +wealth is ill-gotten, are knitting their brows and shooting at him looks +of fierce hate, while the just folk, who led a wretched existence, +embrace him and grasp his hand in the transport of their joy; they follow +in his wake, their heads wreathed with garlands, laughing and blessing +their deliverer; the old men make the earth resound as they walk together +keeping time. Come, all of you, all, down to the very least, dance, leap +and form yourselves into a chorus; no longer do you risk being told, when +you go home, "There is no meal in the bag." + +WIFE. And I, by Hecate! I will string you a garland of cakes for the good +tidings you have brought me. + +CARIO. Hurry, make haste then; our friends are close at hand. + +WIFE. I will go indoors to fetch some gifts of welcome, to celebrate +these eyes that have just been opened. + +CARIO. Meantime I am going forth to meet them. + +CHORUS. [_Missing._] + +PLUTUS. I adore thee, oh! thou divine sun, and thee I greet thou city, +the beloved of Pallas; be welcome, thou land of Cecrops, which hast +received me. Alas! what manner of men I associated with! I blush to think +of it. While, on the other hand, I shunned those who deserved my +friendship; I knew neither the vices of the ones nor the virtues of the +others. A twofold mistake, and in both cases equally fatal! Ah! what a +misfortune was mine! But I want to change everything; and in future I +mean to prove to mankind that, if I gave to the wicked, 'twas against my +will. + +CHREMYLUS (_to the crowd who impede him_). Get you gone! Oh! what a lot +of friends spring into being when you are fortunate! They dig me with +their elbows and bruise my shins to prove their affection. Each one wants +to greet me. What a crowd of old fellows thronged round me on the +market-place! + +WIFE. Oh! thou, who art dearest of all to me, and thou too, be welcome! +Allow me, Plutus, to shower these gifts of welcome over you in due accord +with custom. + +PLUTUS. No. This is the first house I enter after having regained my +sight; I shall take nothing from it, for 'tis my place rather to give. + +WIFE. Do you refuse these gifts? + +PLUTUS. I will accept them at your fireside, as custom requires. Besides, +we shall thus avoid a ridiculous scene; it is not meet that the poet +should throw dried figs and dainties to the spectators; 'tis a vulgar +trick to make 'em laugh. + +WIFE. You are right. Look! yonder's Dexinicus, who was already getting to +his feet to catch the figs as they flew past him.[787] + +CHORUS. [_Missing_.] + +CARIO. How pleasant it is, friends, to live well, especially when it +costs nothing! What a deluge of blessings flood our household, and that +too without our having wronged ever a soul! Ah! what a delightful thing +is wealth! The bin is full of white flour and the wine-jars run over with +fragrant liquor; all the chests are crammed with gold and silver, 'tis a +sight to see; the tank is full of oil,[788] the phials with perfumes, and +the garret with dried figs. Vinegar flasks, plates, stew-pots and all the +platters are of brass; our rotten old wooden trenchers for the fish have +to-day become dishes of silver; the very night-commode is of ivory. We +others, the slaves, we play at odd and even with gold pieces, and carry +luxury so far that we no longer wipe ourselves with stones, but use +garlic stalks instead. My master, at this moment, is crowned with flowers +and sacrificing a pig, a goat and a ram;[789] 'tis the smoke that has +driven me out, for I could no longer endure it, it hurt my eyes so. + +A JUST MAN. Come, my child, come with me. Let us go and find the god. + +CHREMYLUS. Who comes here? + +JUST MAN. A man who was once wretched, but now is happy. + +CHREMYLUS. A just man then? + +JUST MAN. You have it. + +CHREMYLUS. Well! what do you want? + +JUST MAN. I come to thank the god for all the blessings he has showered +on me. My father had left me a fairly decent fortune, and I helped those +of my friends who were in want; 'twas, to my thinking, the most useful +thing I could do with my fortune. + +CHREMYLUS. And you were quickly ruined? + +JUST MAN. Entirely. + +CHREMYLUS. Since then you have been living in misery? + +JUST MAN. In truth I have; I thought I could count, in case of need, upon +the friends whose property I had helped, but they turned their backs upon +me and pretended not to see me. + +CHREMYLUS. They laughed at you, 'tis evident. + +JUST MAN. Just so. With my empty coffers, I had no more friends. + +CHREMYLUS. But your lot has changed. + +JUST MAN. Yes, and so I come to the god to make him the acts of gratitude +that are his due. + +CHREMYLUS. But with what object now do you bring this old cloak, which +your slave is carrying? Tell me. + +JUST MAN. I wish to dedicate it to the god.[790] + +CHREMYLUS. Were you initiated into the Great Mysteries in that +cloak?[791] + +JUST MAN. No, but I shivered in it for thirteen years. + +CHREMYLUS. And this footwear? + +JUST MAN. These also are my winter companions. + +CHREMYLUS. And you wish to dedicate them too? + +JUST MAN. Unquestionably. + +CHREMYLUS. Fine presents to offer to the god! + +AN INFORMER. Alas! alas! I am a lost man. Ah! thrice, four, five, twelve +times, or rather ten thousand times unhappy fate! Why, why must fortune +deal me such rough blows? + +CHREMYLUS. Oh, Apollo, my tutelary! oh! ye favourable gods! what has +overtaken this man? + +INFORMER. Ah! am I not deserving of pity? I have lost everything; this +cursed god has stripped me bare. Ah! if there be justice in heaven, he +shall be struck blind again. + +JUST MAN. Methinks I know what's the matter. If this man is unfortunate, +'tis because he's of little account and small honesty; and i' faith he +looks it too. + +CHREMYLUS. Then, by Zeus! his plight is but just. + +INFORMER. He promised that if he recovered his sight, he would enrich us +all unaided; whereas he has ruined more than one. + +CHREMYLUS. But whom has he thus ill-used? + +INFORMER. Me. + +CHREMYLUS. You were doubtless a villainous thief then. + +INFORMER (_to Chremylus and Cario_). 'Tis rather you yourselves who were +such wretches; I am certain you have got my money. + +CHREMYLUS. Ha! by Demeter! 'tis an informer. What impudence! + +CARIO. He's ravenously hungry, that's certain. + +INFORMER. You shall follow me this very instant to the marketplace, where +the torture of the wheel shall force the confession of your misdeeds from +you. + +CARIO. Ha! look out for yourself! + +JUST MAN. By Zeus the Deliverer, what gratitude all Greeks owe to Plutus, +if he destroys these vile informers! + +INFORMER. You are laughing at me. Ho! ho! I denounce you as their +accomplice. Where did you steal that new cloak from? Yesterday I saw you +with one utterly worn out. + +JUST MAN. I fear you not, thanks to this ring, for which I paid +Eudemus[792] a drachma. + +CHREMYLUS. Ah! there's no ring to preserve you from the informer's bite. + +INFORMER. The insolent wretches! But, my fine jokers, you have not told +me what you are up to here. Nothing good, I'll be bound. + +CHREMYLUS. Nothing of any good for you, be sure of that. + +INFORMER. By Zeus! you're going to dine at my expense! + +CHREMYLUS. You vile impostor, may you burst with an empty belly, both you +and your witness. + +INFORMER. You deny it? I reckon, you villians, that there is much salt +fish and roast meat in this house. Hu! hu! hu! hu! hu! hu! (_He sniffs._) + +CHREMYLUS. Can you smell anything, rascal? + +INFORMER. Can such outrages be borne, oh, Zeus! Ye gods! how cruel it is +to see me treated thus, when I am such an honest fellow and such a good +citizen! + +CHREMYLUS. You an honest man! you a good citizen! + +INFORMER. A better one than any. + +CHREMYLUS. Ah! well then, answer my questions. + +INFORMER. Concerning what? + +CHREMYLUS. Are you a husbandman? + +INFORMER. D'ye take me for a fool? + +CHREMYLUS. A merchant? + +INFORMER. I assume the title, when it serves me.[793] + +CHREMYLUS. Do you ply any trade? + +INFORMER. No, most assuredly not! + +CHREMYLUS. Then how do you live, if you do nothing? + +INFORMER. I superintend public and private business. + +CHREMYLUS. You! And by what right, pray? + +INFORMER. Because it pleases me to do so. + +CHREMYLUS. Like a thief you sneak yourself in where you have no business. +You are hated by all and you claim to be an honest man? + +INFORMER. What, you fool? I have not the right to dedicate myself +entirely to my country's service? + +CHREMYLUS. Is the country served by vile intrigue? + +INFORMER. It is served by watching that the established law is +observed--by allowing no one to violate it. + +CHREMYLUS. That's the duty of the tribunals; they are established to that +end. + +INFORMER. And who is the prosecutor before the dicasts? + +CHREMYLUS. Whoever wishes to be.[794] + +INFORMER. Well then, 'tis I who choose to be prosecutor; and thus all +public affairs fall within my province. + +CHREMYLUS. I pity Athens for being in such vile clutches. But would you +not prefer to live quietly and free from all care and anxiety? + +INFORMER. To do nothing is to live an animal's life. + +CHREMYLUS. Thus you will not change your mode of life? + +INFORMER. No, though they gave me Plutus himself and the _silphium_ of +Battus.[795] + +CHREMYLUS (_to the Informer_). Come, quick, off with your cloak. + +CARIO. Hi! friend! 'tis you they are speaking to. + +CHREMYLUS. Off with your shoes. + +CARIO. All this is addressed to you. + +INFORMER. Very well! let one of you come near me, if he dares. + +CARIO. I dare. + +INFORMER. Alas! I am robbed of my clothes in full daylight. + +CARIO. That's what comes of meddling with other folk's business and +living at their expense. + +INFORMER (_to his witness_). You see what is happening; I call you to +witness. + +CHREMYLUS. Look how the witness whom you brought is taking to his heels. + +INFORMER. Great gods! I am all alone and they assault me. + +CARIO. Shout away! + +INFORMER. Oh! woe, woe is me! + +CARIO. Give me that old ragged cloak, that I may dress out the informer. + +JUST MAN. No, no; I have dedicated it to Plutus. + +CARIO. And where would your offering be better bestowed than on the +shoulders of a rascal and a thief? To Plutus fine, rich cloaks should be +given. + +JUST MAN. And what then shall be done with these shoes? Tell me. + +CARIO. I will nail them to his brow as gifts are nailed to the trunks of +the wild olive. + +INFORMER. I'm off, for you are the strongest, I own. But if I find +someone to join me, let him be as weak as he will, I will summon this +god, who thinks himself so strong, before the Court this very day, and +denounce him as manifestly guilty of overturning the democracy by his +will alone and without the consent of the Senate or the popular Assembly. + +JUST MAN. Now that you are rigged out from head to foot with my old +clothes, hasten to the bath and stand there in the front row to warm +yourself better; 'tis the place I formerly had. + +CHREMYLUS. Ah! the bath-man would grip you by the testicles and fling you +through the door; he would only need to see you to appraise you at your +true value.... But let us go in, friend, that you may address your +thanksgivings to the god. + +CHORUS. [_Missing._] + +AN OLD WOMAN. Dear old men, am I near the house where the new god lives, +or have I missed the road? + +CHORUS. You are at his door, my pretty little maid, who question us so +sweetly.[796] + +OLD WOMAN. Then I will summon someone in the house. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Tis needless! I am here myself. But what matter brings you +here? + +OLD WOMAN. Ah! a cruel, unjust fate! My dear friend, this god has made +life unbearable to me through ceasing to be blind. + +CHREMYLUS. What does this mean? Can you be a female informer? + +OLD WOMAN. Most certainly not. + +CHREMYLUS. Have you not drunk up your money then? + +OLD WOMAN. You are mocking me! Nay! I am being devoured with a consuming +fire. + +CHREMYLUS. Then tell me what is consuming you so fiercely. + +OLD WOMAN. Listen! I loved a young man, who was poor, but so handsome, so +well-built, so honest! He readily gave way to all I desired and acquitted +himself so well! I, for my part, refused him nothing. + +CHREMYLUS. And what did he generally ask of you. + +OLD WOMAN. Very little; he bore himself towards me with astonishing +discretion! perchance twenty drachmae for a cloak or eight for footwear; +sometimes he begged me to buy tunics for his sisters or a little mantle +for his mother; at times he needed four bushels of corn. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Twas very little, in truth; I admire his modesty. + +OLD WOMAN. And 'twas not as a reward for his complacency that he ever +asked me for anything, but as a matter of pure friendship; a cloak I had +given would remind him from whom he had got it. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Twas a fellow who loved you madly. + +OLD WOMAN. But 'tis no longer so, for the faithless wretch has sadly +altered! I had sent him this cake with the sweetmeats you see here on +this dish and let him know that I would visit him in the evening.... + +CHREMYLUS. Well? + +OLD WOMAN. He sent me back my presents and added this tart to them, on +condition that I never set foot in his house again. Besides, he sent me +this message, "Once upon a time the Milesians were brave."[797] + +CHREMYLUS. An honest lad, indeed! But what would you? When poor, he would +devour anything; now he is rich, he no longer cares for lentils. + +OLD WOMAN. Formerly he came to me every day. + +CHREMYLUS. To see if you were being buried? + +OLD WOMAN. No! he longed to hear the sound of my voice. + +CHREMYLUS. And to carry off some present. + +OLD WOMAN. If I was downcast, he would call me his little duck or his +little dove in a most tender manner.... + +CHREMYLUS. And then would ask for the wherewithal to buy a pair of shoes. + +OLD WOMAN. When I was at the Mysteries of Eleusis in a carriage,[798] +someone looked at me; he was so jealous that he beat me the whole of that +day. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Twas because he liked to feed alone. + +OLD WOMAN. He told me I had very beautiful hands. + +CHREMYLUS. Aye, no doubt, when they handed him twenty drachmae. + +OLD WOMAN. That my whole body breathed a sweet perfume. + +CHREMYLUS. Yes, like enough, if you poured him out Thasian wine. + +OLD WOMAN. That my glance was gentle and charming. + +CHREMYLUS. 'Twas no fool. He knew how to drag drachmae from a hot-blooded +old woman. + +OLD WOMAN. Ah! the god has done very, very wrong, saying he would support +the victims of injustice. + +CHREMYLUS. Well, what must he do? Speak, and it shall be done. + +OLD WOMAN. 'Tis right to compel him, whom I have loaded with benefits, to +repay them in his turn; if not, he does not merit the least of the god's +favours. + +CHREMYLUS. And did he not do this every night? + +OLD WOMAN. He swore he would never leave me, as long as I lived. + +CHREMYLUS. Aye, rightly; but he thinks you are no longer alive.[799] + +OLD WOMAN. Ah! friend, I am pining away with grief. + +CHREMYLUS. You are rotting away, it seems to me. + +OLD WOMAN. I have grown so thin, I could slip through a ring. + +CHREMYLUS. Yes, if 'twere as large as the hoop of a sieve. + +OLD WOMAN. But here is the youth, the cause of my complaint; he looks as +though he were going to a festival. + +CHREMYLUS. Yes, if his chaplet and his torch are any guides. + +YOUTH. Greeting to you. + +OLD WOMAN. What does he say? + +YOUTH. My ancient old dear, you have grown white very quickly, by heaven! + +OLD WOMAN. Oh! what an insult! + +CHREMYLUS. It is a long time, then, since he saw you? + +OLD WOMAN. A long time? My god! he was with me yesterday. + +CHREMYLUS. It must be, then, that, unlike other people, he sees more +clearly when he's drunk. + +OLD WOMAN. No, but I have always known him for an insolent fellow. + +YOUTH. Oh! divine Posidon! Oh, ye gods of old age! what wrinkles she has +on her face! + +OLD WOMAN. Oh! oh! keep your distance with that torch. + +CHREMYLUS. Yes, 'twould be as well; if a single spark were to reach her, +she would catch alight like an old olive branch. + +YOUTH. I propose to have a game with you. + +OLD WOMAN. Where, naughty boy? + +YOUTH. Here. Take some nuts in your hand. + +OLD WOMAN. What game is this? + +YOUTH. Let's play at guessing how many teeth you have. + +CHREMYLUS. Ah! I'll tell you; she's got three, or perhaps four. + +YOUTH. Pay up; you've lost! she has only one single grinder. + +OLD WOMAN. You wretch! you're not in your right senses. Do you insult me +thus before this crowd? + +YOUTH. I am washing you thoroughly; 'tis doing you a service. + +CHREMYLUS. No, no! as she is there, she can still deceive; but if this +white-lead is washed off, her wrinkles would come out plainly. + +OLD WOMAN. You are only an old fool! + +YOUTH. Ah! he is playing the gallant, he is fondling your breasts, and +thinks I do not see it. + +OLD WOMAN. Oh! no, by Aphrodité, no, you naughty jealous fellow. + +CHREMYLUS. Oh! most certainly not, by Hecaté![800] Verily and indeed I +would need to be mad! But, young man, I cannot forgive you, if you cast +off this beautiful child. + +YOUTH. Why, I adore her. + +CHREMYLUS. But nevertheless she accuses you ... + +YOUTH. Accuses me of what? + +CHREMYLUS. ... of having told her insolently, "Once upon a time the +Milesians were brave." + +YOUTH. Oh! I shall not dispute with you about her. + +CHREMYLUS. Why not? + +YOUTH. Out of respect for your age; with anyone but you, I should not be +so easy; come, take the girl and be happy. + +CHREMYLUS. I see, I see; you don't want her any more. + +OLD WOMAN. Nay! this is a thing that cannot be allowed. + +YOUTH. I cannot argue with a woman, who has been making love these +thirteen thousand years. + +CHREMYLUS. Yet, since you liked the wine, you should now consume the +lees. + +YOUTH. But these lees are quite rancid and fusty. + +CHREMYLUS. Pass them through a straining-cloth; they'll clarify. + +YOUTH. But I want to go in with you to offer these chaplets to the god. + +OLD WOMAN. And I too have something to tell him. + +YOUTH. Then I don't enter. + +CHREMYLUS. Come, have no fear; she won't harm you. + +YOUTH. 'Tis true; I've been managing the old bark long enough. + +OLD WOMAN. Go in; I'll follow after you. + +CHREMYLUS. Good gods! that old hag has fastened herself to her youth like +a limpet to its rock. + +CHORUS. [_Missing._] + +CARIO (_opening the door_). Who knocks at the door? Halloa! I see no one; +'twas then by chance it gave forth that plaintive tone. + +HERMES (_to Carlo, who is about to close the door_). Cario! stop! + +CARIO. Eh! friend, was it you who knocked so loudly? Tell me. + +HERMES. No, I was going to knock and you forestalled me by opening. Come, +call your master quick, then his wife and his children, then his slave +and his dog, then thyself and his pig. + +CARIO. And what's it all about? + +HERMES. It's about this, rascal! Zeus wants to serve you all with the +same sauce and hurl the lot of you into the Barathrum. + +CARIO. Have a care for your tongue, you bearer of ill tidings! But why +does he want to treat us in that scurvy fashion? + +HERMES. Because you have committed the most dreadful crime. Since Plutus +has recovered his sight, there is nothing for us other gods, neither +incense, nor laurels, nor cakes, nor victims, nor anything in the world. + +CARIO. And you will never be offered anything more; you governed us too +ill. + +HERMES. I care nothing at all about the other gods, but 'tis myself. I +tell you I am dying of hunger. + +CARIO. That's reasoning like a wise fellow. + +HERMES. Formerly, from earliest dawn, I was offered all sorts of good +things in the wine-shops,--wine-cakes, honey, dried figs, in short, +dishes worthy of Hermes. Now, I lie the livelong day on my back, with my +legs in the air, famishing. + +CARIO. And quite right too, for you often had them punished who treated +you so well.[801] + +HERMES. Ah! the lovely cake they used to knead for me on the fourth of +the month![802] + +CARIO. You recall it vainly; your regrets are useless! there'll be no +more cake. + +HERMES. Ah! the ham I was wont to devour! + +CARIO. Well then! make use of your legs and hop on one leg upon the +wine-skin,[803] to while away the time. + +HERMES. Oh! the grilled entrails I used to swallow down! + +CARIO. Your own have got the colic, methinks. + +HERMES. Oh! the delicious tipple, half wine, half water! + +CARIO. Here, swallow that and be off. (_He discharges a fart._) + +HERMES. Would you do a friend a service? + +CARIO. Willingly, if I can. + +HERMES. Give me some well-baked bread and a big hunk of the victims they +are sacrificing in your house. + +CARIO. That would be stealing. + +HERMES. Do you forget, then, how I used to take care he knew nothing +about it when you were stealing something from your master? + +CARIO. Because I used to share it with you, you rogue; some cake or other +always came your way. + +HERMES. Which afterwards you ate up all by yourself.[804] + +CARIO. But then you did not share the blows when I was caught. + +HERMES. Forget past injuries, now you have taken Phylé.[805] Ah! how I +should like to live with you! Take pity and receive me. + +CARIO. You would leave the gods to stop here? + +HERMES. One is much better off among you. + +CARIO. What! you would desert! Do you think that is honest? + +HERMES. "Where I live well, there is my country."[806] + +CARIO. But how could we employ you here? + +HERMES. Place me near the door; I am the watchman god and would shift off +the robbers. + +CARIO. Shift off! Ah! but we have no love for shifts. + +HERMES. Entrust me with business dealings. + +CARIO. But we are rich; why should we keep a haggling Hermes? + +HERMES. Let me intrigue for you.[807] + +CARIO. No, no, intrigues are forbidden; we believe in good faith. + +HERMES. I will work for you as a guide. + +CARIO. But the god sees clearly now, so we no longer want a guide. + +HERMES. Well then, I will preside over the games. Ah! what can you object +to in that? Nothing is fitter for Plutus than to give scenic and +gymnastic games.[808] + +CARIO. How useful 'tis to have so many names! Here you have found the +means of earning your bread. I don't wonder the jurymen so eagerly try to +get entered for many tribunals.[809] + +HERMES. So then, you admit me on these terms. + +CARIO. Go and wash the entrails of the victims at the well, so that you +may show yourself serviceable at once. + +A PRIEST OF ZEUS. Can anyone direct me where Chremylus is? + +CHREMYLUS. What would you with him, friend? + +PRIEST. Much ill. Since Plutus has recovered his sight, I am perishing of +starvation; I, the priest of Zeus the Deliverer, have nothing to eat! + +CHREMYLUS. And what is the cause of that, pray? + +PRIEST. No one dreams of offering sacrifices. + +CHREMYLUS. Why not? + +PRIEST. Because all men are rich. Ah! when they had nothing, the merchant +who escaped from shipwreck, the accused who was acquitted, all immolated +victims; another would sacrifice for the success of some wish and the +priest joined in at the feast; but now there is not the smallest victim, +not one of the faithful in the temple, but thousands who come there to +ease themselves. + +CHREMYLUS. Don't you take your share of those offerings? + +PRIEST. Hence I think I too am going to say good-bye to Zeus the +Deliverer, and stop here myself. + +CHREMYLUS. Be at ease, all will go well, if it so please the god. Zeus +the Deliverer[810] is here; he came of his own accord. + +PRIEST. Ha! that's good news. + +CHREMYLUS. Wait a little; we are going to install Plutus presently in the +place he formerly occupied behind the Temple of Athené;[811] there he +will watch over our treasures for ever. But let lighted torches be +brought; take these and walk in solemn procession in front of the god. + +PRIEST. That's magnificent! + +CHREMYLUS. Let Plutus be summoned. + +OLD WOMAN. And I, what am I to do? + +CHREMYLUS. Take the pots of vegetables which we are going to offer to the +god in honour of his installation and carry them on your head; you just +happen luckily to be wearing a beautiful embroidered robe. + +OLD WOMAN. And what about the object of my coming? + +CHREMYLUS. Everything shall be according to your wish. The young man will +be with you this evening. + +OLD WOMAN. Oh! if you promise me his visit, I will right willingly carry +the pots. + +CHREMYLUS. Those are strange pots indeed! Generally the scum rises to the +top of the pots, but here the pots are raised to the top of the old +woman.[812] + +CHORUS. Let us withdraw without more tarrying, and follow the others, +singing as we go.[813] + + * * * * * + +FINIS OF "PLUTUS" + + * * * * * + +Footnotes: + +[736] The poet jestingly makes Chremylus attribute two utterly opposed +characteristics to his servant. + +[737] Literally _sycophants_ i.e. denouncers of figs. The Senate, says +Plutarch, in very early times had made a law forbidding the export of +figs from Attica; those who were found breaking the edict were fined to +the advantage of the sycophant ([Greek: phainein], to denounce, and +[Greek: sukon], fig). Since the law was abused in order to accuse the +innocent, the name sycophant was given to calumniators and to the too +numerous class of informers at Athens who subsisted on the money their +denunciations brought them. + +[738] A parody of the tragic style. + +[739] Plutus, the god of riches, was included amongst the infernal +deities, because riches are extracted from the earth's bosom, which is +their dwelling-place. According to Hesiod, he was the son of Demeter; +agriculture is in truth the most solid foundation of wealth. He was +generally represented as an old blind man, halting in gait and winged, +coming with slow steps but going away on a rapid flight and carrying a +purse in his hand. At Athens the statue of Peace bore Plutus represented +as still a child on her bosom as a symbol of the wealth that peace +brings. + +[740] A rich man, who affected the sordid habits of Lacedaemon, because +of his greed. "More sordid than Patrocles" had become a byword at Athens. +Even the public baths were too dear for Patrocles, because, in addition +to the modest fee that was given to the bath-man, it was necessary to use +a little oil for the customary friction after the bath. + +[741] This catechizing is completely in the manner of the sophistical +teaching of the times, and has its parallel in other comedies. It reminds +us in many ways of the Socratic 'Elenchus' as displayed in the Platonic +dialogues. + +[742] Corinth was the most corrupt as well as the most commercial of +Greek cities, and held a number of great courtesans, indeed some of the +most celebrated, e.g. Laïs, Cyrené, Sinopé, practised their profession +there; they, however, set a very high value on their favours, and hence +the saying, "_Non cuivis homini contingit adire Corinthum_"--"it is not +for every man to go to Corinth." + +[743] This was the mild punishment inflicted upon the adulterer by +Athenian custom. The laws of Solon were very indulgent to this kind of +crime; they only provided that the guilty woman might be repudiated by +her husband, but were completely silent concerning her accomplice. + +[744] Cario means to convey that women often paid their lovers, or at all +events made it their business to open up the road to fortune for them. + +[745] In order to receive the _triobolus,_ the fee for attendance. + +[746] The richest citizens were saddled with this expense and were called +trierarchs. + +[747] Athens had formed an alliance with Corinth and Thebes against +Sparta in 393 B.C., a little before the production of the 'Plutus.' +Corinth, not feeling itself strong enough to resist the attacks of the +Spartans unaided, had demanded the help of an Athenian garrison, and +hence Athens maintained some few thousand mercenaries there. + +[748] A civil servant, who had been exiled for embezzling State funds. + +[749] No doubt an accomplice of Pamphilus in his misdeeds; the Scholiast +says he was one of his parasites. + +[750] An upstart and, through the favour of the people, an admiral in the +year 389 B.C., after Thrasybulus; he had enriched himself through some +rather equivocal state employments and was insolent, because of his +wealth, 'as a well-fed ass.' + +[751] A buffoon, so the Scholiasts inform us, who was in the habit of +visiting the public places of the city in order to make a little money by +amusing the crowd with ridiculous stories. Others say he was a statesman +of the period, who was condemned for embezzlement of public money; in his +defence he may well have invented some fabulous tales to account for the +disappearance of the money out of the Treasury. + +[752] The precise historical reference here is obscure. + +[753] Laïs, a celebrated courtesan.--Of Philonides little is known, +except that he was a native of Melita and a rich and profligate +character. + +[754] The reference is no doubt to a pretentious construction that had +been built for the rich and over-proud Timotheus, the son of Conon. He +was a clever general of great integrity; when the 'Plutus' was produced, +he was still very young. + +[755] Chremylus rises in a regular climax from love to military glory; +the slave in as direct an anti-climax comes from bread, sweetmeats, etc., +down to lentils. + +[756] The son of Aphareus, the King of Messenia; according to the +legends, he had such piercing sight that he could see through walls, and +could even discover what was going on in heaven and in the nether world. +He took part in the expedition of the Argonauts. + +[757] A part of the victim which Cario was bringing back from the Temple; +it was customary to present the remains of a sacrifice to friends and +relations. + +[758] As soon as Chremylus sees himself assured of wealth he adopts less +honest principles. + +[759] The citizens appointed to act as dicasts, or jurymen, drew lots +each year to decide in which Court they should sit. There were ten +Courts, each of which was indicated by one of the first ten letters of +the alphabet, and the urn contained as many tickets marked with these +letters as there were dicasts. Cario means to say here that the old men +of the Chorus should remember that they have soon to die themselves +instead of bothering about punishing him. + +[760] A word invented to imitate the sound of a lyre. + +[761] The Cyclops let his flocks graze while he played the lyre; it was +thus that Philoxenus had represented him in a piece to which Aristophanes +is here alluding.--Cario assumes the part of the Cyclops and leaves that +of the flock to the Chorus. + +[762] In allusion to Ulysses' adventures in the cave of Polyphemus. + +[763] Laïs. + +[764] i.e. Cario, who is assuming the rôle of Circé of Corinth. + +[765] This was the torture which Odysseus inflicted on Melanthius, one of +the goatherds. + +[766] A poet of debauched and degraded life, one of those who, like +Ariphrades mentioned in 'The Knights,' "defiled his tongue with +abominable sensualities," that is to say, was a _fellator_ and a +_cunnilingue._ + +[767] It is uncertain whether Pamphilus, a tragedian, is meant here, who, +like Euripides and Aeschylus, made the Heraclidae the subject of a +tragedy, or the painter of that name, so celebrated in later times, who +painted that subject in the Poecilé Stoa. + +[768] Physicians at Athens were paid very indifferently, and hence the +most skilled sought their practice in other cities. + +[769] The Temple of Aesculapius stood on the way from the theatre to the +citadel and near the tomb of Talos. A large number of invalids were taken +there to pass a night; it was believed that the god visited them without +being seen himself, because of the darkness, and arranged for their +restoration to health. + +[770] Like the Furies who composed the Chorus in Aeschylus' 'Eumenides.' + +[771] A ravine into which criminals were hurled at Athens. + +[772] During the winter the poor went into the public baths for shelter +against the cold; they could even stop there all night; sometimes they +burnt themselves by getting too near the furnace which heated the water. + +[773] i.e. the most opposite things; the tyranny of Dionysius of Syracuse +and the liberty which Thrasybulus restored to Athens. + +[774] Crimes to which men are driven through poverty. + +[775] The ancients placed statues of Hecaté at the cross-roads ([Greek: +triodoi], places where three roads meet), because of the three names, +Artemis, Phoebé and Hecaté, under which the same goddess was worshipped. +On the first day of the month the rich had meals served before these +statues and invited the poor to them. + +[776] A verse from Euripides' lost play of 'Telephus.' The same line +occurs in 'The Knights.' + +[777] And not the citizens of Argos, whom agriculture and trade rendered +wealthy.--Pauson was an Athenian painter, whose poverty had become a +proverb. "Poorer than Pauson" was a common saying. + +[778] There is here a long interval of time, during which Plutus is taken +to the Temple of Aesculapius and cured of his blindness. In the first +edition probably the Parabasis came in here; at all events a long choral +ode must have intervened. + +[779] The Athenians had erected a temple to Theseus and instituted feasts +in his honour, which were still kept up in the days of Plutarch and +Pausanias. Barley broth and other coarse foods were distributed among the +poor. + +[780] He was an orator, who was accused of theft and extortion, and who, +moreover, was said not to be a genuine Athenian citizen. + +[781] The serpent was sacred to Aesculapius; several of these reptiles +lived in the temple of the god. + +[782] Iaso (from [Greek: iasthai], to heal) and Panacea (from [Greek: +pan], everything, and [Greek: akeisthai], to cure) were daughters of +Aesculapius. + +[783] He has to see, examine, and taste pill, potion, urine ... and +worse. + +[784] An apothecary's outfit. + +[785] Tenos is one of the Cyclades, near Andros. + +[786] A deme of Attica, where the strongest vinegar came from. + +[787] The Scholiast says that this was an individual as poor as he was +greedy, and on the watch for every opportunity to satisfy his +voracity.--The comic poets often had nuts, figs and other petty dainties +thrown to the audience. It was a fairly good way to secure the favour of +a certain section of the public. + +[788] The ancients used oil in large quantities, whether for rubbing +themselves down after bathing or before their exercises in the palaestra, +or for the different uses of domestic life. It was kept in a kind of +tank, hollowed in the ground and covered with tiles or stones. The +wine-sellers had similar tanks, but of larger size, for keeping their +wine. + +[789] This was what was styled the triple or complete sacrifice. + +[790] As evidence of the sorry condition from which he had been raised. + +[791] The clothes a man wore on the day that he was initiated into the +Mysteries of Eleusis had, according to custom, to be dedicated to the +gods, but only after they had been worn. Most people only decided to do +this when they were full of holes and torn; it is because his visitor's +cloak is in such a sorry condition that Chremylus takes it to be the +cloak of an Initiate. + +[792] This Eudemus was a kind of sorcerer, who sold magic rings, to +which, among other virtues, he ascribed that of curing, or rather of +securing him who wore them, from snake-bites. + +[793] The merchants engaged in maritime commerce were absolved from +military service; the Scholiast even declares, though it seems highly +unlikely, that all merchants were exempt from imposts on their +possessions. When it was a question of escaping taxes and military +service the informer passed as a merchant. + +[794] At Athens 'twas only the injured person who could prosecute in +private disputes; everyone, however, had this right where wrongs against +the State were involved; but if the prosecutor only obtained one-fifth of +the votes, he was condemned to a fine of 1000 drachmae or banished the +country. + +[795] A proverbial saying, meaning, _the most precious thing_.--Battus, a +Lacedaemonian, led out a colony from Thera, an island in the Aegean sea, +and, about 630 B.C., founded the city of Cyrené in Africa. He was its +first king, and after death was honoured as a god. The inhabitants of +that country gathered great quantities of _silphium_ or 'laserpitium,' +the sap of which plant was the basis of medicaments and sauces that +commanded a high price. The coins of Cyrené bore the representation of a +stalk of _silphium_. + +[796] The old woman had entered dressed as a young girl. Or is it merely +said ironically? + +[797] A proverb, meaning, "_All things change with time._" Addressed to +the old woman, it meant that she had perhaps been beautiful once, but +that the days for love were over for her.--Miletus, the most powerful of +the Ionic cities, had a very numerous fleet and founded more than eighty +colonies; falling beneath the Persian yoke, the city never succeeded in +regaining its independence. + +[798] Eleusis was some distance from Athens, about seven and a half +miles, and the wealthy women drove there. It was an occasion when they +vied with each other in the display of luxury. + +[799] You are so old. + +[800] The goddess of death and old age. + +[801] Wineshop-keepers were often punished for serving false measure. +Hermes, who allowed them to be punished although he was the god of +cheating and was worshipped as such by the wineshop-keepers, deserved to +be neglected by them. + +[802] The greater gods had a day in each month specially dedicated to +them; thus Hermes had the fourth, Artemis the sixth, Apollo the seventh, +etc. + +[803] This game, which was customary during the feasts of Bacchus' +consisted in hopping on one leg upon a wine-skin that was blown out and +well greased with oil; the competitor who kept his footing longest on one +leg, gained the prize. + +[804] The cake was placed on the altar, but eaten afterwards by the +priest or by him who offered the sacrifice. + +[805] An allusion to the occupation of Phylé, in Attica on the Boeotian +border, by Thrasybulus; this place was the meeting-place of the +discontented and the exiled, and it was there that the expulsion of the +thirty tyrants was planned. Once victorious, the conspirators proclaimed +a general amnesty and swore to forget everything, [Greek: m_e +mn_esikakein], 'to bear no grudge,' hence the proverb which Aristophanes +recalls here. + +[806] A verse taken from a lost tragedy by Euripides. + +[807] Hermes runs through the gamut of his different attributes. + +[808] As the rich citizens were accustomed to do at Athens. + +[809] This trick was very often practised, its object being to secure the +double fee. + +[810] He is giving Plutus this title. + +[811] Within the precincts of the Acropolis, and behind the Temple of +Zeus Polias, there stood a building enclosed with double walls and double +gates, where the public Treasury was kept. Plutus had ceased to dwell +there, i.e. the Peloponnesian war and its disastrous consequences had +emptied the Treasury; however, at the time of the production of the +'Plutus,' Athens had recovered her freedom and a part of her former +might, and money was again flowing into her coffers. + +[812] In the Greek there is a pun on the different significations of +[Greek: graus],_ _an old woman,_ and the _scum_, or 'mother,' which forms +on the top of boiling milk. + +[813] In the 'Lysistrata' the Chorus similarly makes its exit singing. + + + + +INDEX[*] + +[* Transcriber's note: The original index of this volume differs slightly +in formatting from that of volume one. In order to increase consistency, +I've reformatted this index according to the format in the first volume.] + + +A + +Achilles, when mute +Achradusian, coined word +Adimantus, an admiral +--his father +Admetus, the King +Adulterers, depilated +Aeagrus, an actor +AESCHYLUS, verse from +--lost tragedy +--periods imitated +--ridiculed +--supposed disciples +--'The Persae,' +--parodied +--unfair criticism +--"Philoctetes" +--'Niobe' quoted +--'Glaucus Potniensis' quoted +Aesculapius, temple of +--daughters of +Aesimus, unknown +Agathon, tragic poet +--pederastic habits +Aglaurus, two women +Agoranomi (the) +Agyrrhius, an effeminate general +--an upstart +Alcaeus, a parody of +Alcibiades, lisp in speech +--obtains a subsidy +Alcmena, seduced by Zeus +Alimos, the town of +Alliance against Sparta +--garrison at Corinth +Allusion, obscene +--and Smaeus +--to Ulysses +Alopé, seduced by Posidon +Ammon, temple to Zeus +Amynon, infamy of +Anacreon +Andromeda, the play +--release of +Anti-dicasts and lawsuits +Antilochus, Nestor's son +Antiphon, a gluttonous parasite +Antisthenes, a constipated miser +Antithenes, a dissolute doctor +Antitheus +Aphareus, son of, his piercing vision +Aphrodisiac +_Apodrasippides_, explained +Apollo as god of healing +--priestesses of +--physician +--altar, how misused +Apothecary, outfit of +Archers, mounted corps of +--at Athens +Archidemus +Ares, a fighting-cock +Arginusae, sea-battle of +--slaves who fought at +Argos, citizens of +Ariphrades, his infamous habits +Aristocrates, a general +Aristophanes, why uncrowned +--modifies opinion +Aristyllus, debaucheries of +Artemis, goddess of chase +--the surname of +Artemisium, battle of +Asia Minor, coast towns +Asses' (the) shadow +--asses used for the Mysteries +Athenian law +Attica, invasion of +Audience, favour, how gained +Augé, the seduced + +B + +Bacchus, "Feast of Cups" +--surnames of +Baptism, the pagan +Bar, the, language of +Barathrum, a ravine +Barriers, let down +Bastard, when of strange women +Baths, how heated +--use in winter +Battus, silphium of +Bed of Procrustes +Beginning, fable of the +Bell, to awaken sentinels +Birds as love-gifts +Boasters, the, of Corinth +Bottles painted on coffins +Boxing, story of +Brasidas, an Athenian general +Brigand, the option of +Buffoonery at Megara +Bullocks' intestines, as comparison +Buzzard, double meaning +Byzantium + +C + +Cake, eaten by priest +Callias, identity of +Callias, the general, his debaucheries +Calligenia, adoration of +Callimachus, poverty of +Canephori, rank in feasts +Canephoros, the part of +Cannonus, the decree of +Carians, mountaineers +Carcinus, tragic poet +--pun on name +--his three sons +Carding, woman's shape at +Caskets, how perfumed +Cats, lascivious +Centaur, the +Cephalae, pun on word +Cephalus, a demagogue +--his father +Cephisophon, a "ghost" +--seduces a wife +Ceramicus, the +Chaerephon +--compared to the bat +Chaplets of flowers +Charitimides, an admiral +Chians, the, named in prayers +Children, when registered +Choenix (the) +Chorus, the lost +--exit singing +Choruses, when given +Cinesias, the poet +--his build +--befouls a statue +--the dissolute +Circumcision, where practised +Citizens, the fame of +Cleocritus, the strut of +Cleonymus, cowardly +--gluttony of +--wife of +Cleophon, a general +--an alien +Clepsydra (the) +Cloak. _See_ Clothes +Clothes, dedication of +Clidemides +Cligenes, a demagogue +Climax and anti- +Clisthenes, an effeminate +--accused of prostitution +Cock-fighting +Coffins, emblems on +Coins, in the mouth +Colaconymus, the flatterer +Colic, the, a remedy +Colonus, and Croydon +Connus, a flute-player +Conon, flight of +Coot's head, likeness to cunnus muliebris +Corcyra, whips of +Corinth, boasting at +--corruption at +--garrison at +Corinthian ships, obscene comparison +--courtesans +Corybantes (the), mysteries of +--sacred instrument +Cotyle, a measure +Courtesans, high prices +Court-opening, formula +Cramming oneself +Crane, herald of winter +--carry ballast +Cratinus, a comic poet +Cress, its properties +"Cretan monologues" +--rhythms +Crime and poverty +Criticism, too low +Critylla +_Crows, going to_ +Cuckoo, the +Curotrophos, meaning +Cuttle-fish +Cyclops, the, and lyre +Cycni, the two +Cynna, the courtesan +Cyrené, the courtesan + +D + +Dardanus, flute-girls from +Daughters, lent to strangers +Dead bodies on plants +Debts, in relation to women +Demagogues as drones +Demeter, Mysteries of +--how represented +--goddess of abundance +Democracy in Olympus +Demolochocleon, explained +Demos, a young Athenian +Depilation, for adultery +"Descend," term explained +_Devil, to the_, how expressed +Dexinicus, the greedy +Diagoras, a convert to atheism +Dicasts, insignia +Diitrephes, rich basket-maker +Dining stations +Diomedes, a brigand +Diomeia, temple at +Dionysus, not brave +Dionysus, temple +--the god +Diopithes, a diviner +Diopithes, the orator +Discontented, the rendezvous of +Division (the), of lands +Dog, backside of +Door-hinge, moistened +Drachma (the) +Draughts, rules of +Dreams, fee to interpret +Duck's domain, the + +E + +Eagle, symbol of royalty +Egypt, soil of +Ekkiklyma, the +Elegants, effeminate +Eleusis, mysteries of +--women at +Eleven (the), who they were +Embezzling State funds +Empusa, a spectre +Engastromythes, explained +Englottogastors, meaning of +Epicrates, a demagogue +Epigonus, a pathic +Erasinidas, a general +Erinnys, a fury +Eryxis, noted for ugliness +Ether (the), physical theory of +Euathlus, a diffamer +Eudemus, the sorcerer +Euphemius, a flatterer +Euripides, a verse from +--date of his death +--distich from +--expressions from +--verse from Orestes +--origin +--lost tragedies +--verse from +--heterodoxy +--insipid style +--"ghost" of +--birth +--stage-characters of +--influence of his poetry +--labour criticised +--_versus_ Aeschylus +--rhythm +--monologue +--'Antigoné' quoted +--'Telephus' and 'Meleager' quoted +--'Hippolytus,' line from +--'Aeolus' and 'Phryxus' quoted +--parodied +--'Aeolus,' +--'Alcestis' quoted +--'Menalippé,' +--mother insulted +--'Sthenoboea,' +--'Phoenix,' +--'Palamedes,' +--'Helen' quoted +--how staged +--son of +--verse from +Eurycles, the diviner +Evaeon, poverty of +Excrement, voiding +--eating of, proverb +Execestides, stranger at Athens +--his tutelary deity +Eyes, bad, proverb on + +F + +Fear, effect of +Feast of Pots, the +Fees to citizens +Felicity, and cuttle-fish +"Fig leaves in fire" +Figs with tongues +--"denouncers of figs" +Figure of rhetoric +Fish, high price of +Flamingo, the +Fleet (the), supremacy of +Flowers, worn at feasts +Flute-girls, genitalia, ref. to +Fop, an old +Forest, pun on word +Four Hundred, the +_Friend of Strangers_, the + +G + +Gables, pun on word +Galleys, land of +Games given at Athens +Gargettus +Garlic, and gallants +Genetyllides, the +Geres, old fop +Gestation, ten months +Gibberish uttered by a god +Girls, unmarried, ornaments +Glaucetes, a glutton +Gods, the days of the +Gorgos, head of +Grasshopper, the, as comparison +Greek words, puns on +Grudge, bearing no +Gull, the voracious + +H + +Hades, leaders in +Harmodius, statue of +Hecaté, altars of +--the poor fed +--goddess of death +Hegelochus, an actor +Heliasts, tribunal of +--manner of voting +--daily salary +--acrid temper +--separated from public +--choice of +_Hellé's sacred waves_ +Hellebore, for madness +Hemlock, effect of +Heracles, gluttony of +--descends to Hades +Heracles, Temple of +Hermes, attributes of +Hesiod on Plutus +"Hestia, addressing first" +Hiero, of Syracuse +Hieronymus, the argive +Hippias, tyranny of +Hippocrates, theories of +Hipponicus, the orator +Homer's text corrupted +"Horse, the," an erotic posture +Horses, devoured by +Hydriaphoros, the alien + +I + +Ibycus, the poet +Ilithyia, goddess of child-birth +Illyrians, the +Incest, in the 'Aeolus,' +Informer, business of +Ino, metamorphosis of +Intercourse, sexual +Interrupters, how dismissed +_Invoke the god_ +Iophon, son of Sophocles + +J + +Jar of wine comp. to ass +Jest, obscene +Jocasta, married by son +Jokes, coarse +Jurymen, fees of +--tricks of +Justice, slowness of + +K + +_Kimos_, top of voting urn +Kite, the, and springtime + +L + +Laches, an Athenian general +--comic trial of dog and +--ref. to his peculations +Laespodias, a general +Laïs, the courtesan +Lamachus, better opinion of +Lamia, transformed +Lamiae (the) +Lamias, unknown +Lampadephoria, the +Lampon, a diviner +--prediction of +Lasus, the poet +Laurium, the mines of +Leather, allusion to old +Leogaras, an epicure +Leotrophides, his leanness +Lesbian women, tricks of +Literature, heavy +Locksmiths, Spartan +Lots, drawing +Love exercises, ref. to +_Love's Labour's Lost_ +Lovers, gifts of +--paid +Lycabettus +'Lycimnius,' a tragedy +Lycus, a titulary god +--statue of +Lyre, sound imitated +Lysicrates, a treacherous general +--famed for ugliness + +M + +Magic rings +Marathon, ref. to +Masks, use of +Masturbation, jest on +Measure, false, punished +Medusa, head of +Melanthius, a poet and leper +Megabyzus, a general +Megara, birthplace of comedy +Memnon +Memière (Dr. P.), ref. to +Merchants, exemption of +Meton, a geometrician +"Milesian bravery" +Military service (_see_ Merchants) +Molon, a gigantic actor +Morsimus, a minor poet +Morychus, poet +--mantle of +"Mother of the Gods," the +Mother, son marries +Mouth-strap, (the) +Munychion, April +Myronides, a general +Myrtia, a baker's wife +Myrtle boughs, use of +Mysteries, insulting the +--of Eleusis + +N + +Nausicydes +Naxos, island of +Neoclides, an orator +Nephelococcygia, meaning +Nicias, grandson of +Nicias, the general +--his slackness +Nightingale, song of +"Niobe," tragedies of +Nysa, a town of Dionysus + +O + +Odeon (the), by whom built +Odysseus, manner of escape +--as spy +--how he tortured +Odyssey, the, quoted +Offal, human, tasting +Oil, extensive use of +Olive leaves +Olophyxians, the +Omen, word for +--satire on +--starting on journey +Onions, as aphrodisiac +Oracles, trees as +Orators, infamous +--venom of +--wear chaplets +--rapacity of +"Orestes," prologue of the +Orestes, the robber +--cave alluded to +Origanum, used for corpses +Ornaments, worn by girls +Orneae, a town +--alluded to by prophet +Owls, as omen +--at Athens +Ox-fat, syn. for people + +P + +Palamedes, the inventor +Pamphilus, two of the name +Pan, the god +"Pankration" (the) +Pantacles, unknown +"Parsley and the rue" +Pathos and bathos +Patrocles, a rich miser +Pauson, ruined +--poverty of +Peace, mother of Plutus +Peacock and hoopoe +Pebble, the, how held +Pelargicon, the +Pellené, a town +Peplus, the +Perfumes, on dead bodies +Perseus, legend of +Persian (the), cloak +Phanae, land of informers +Pharnaces and bribery +Pharsalus, a town +Philepsius, a buffoon +Philippus, traitor and alien +Philocles, the poet +Phlegra, plain of +Phratria, registers of the +Phrygian Graces, the +Phrygians, origin of +Phrynichus, tragic writer +--precocious talent of +Phrynondas, the infamous +'Phryxus' (the), lines from +Phylarchs, the +Phylé, occupation of +Physicians, poorly paid +Pig-trough, for bar +Pigs, young, sacrificed +Pisander, a coward +Pittalus, a physician +Plants, aromatic, use of +Plutus +--god of riches +--cured of blindness +Pnyx (the) +Poetry, and dissoluteness +Poets, seduction of +Pole, play on word +Polemarch (the) +Policemen, at Athens +Poltroons, names for +Poor, the +--coffins of +--the, fed monthly +Porphyrion, name of a Titan +Poverty, cause of crime +Presents, by lovers +Priestesses, title of +Private disputes, law anent +Procrustes, notorious brigand +Prodicus, the sophist +Pronomus, beard of +Proteas, play on name +Proteus, palace of +Proxeni, their duties +Purses, substitute for +Pyrrhic, the, dance + +Q + +Quiver, pun on word + +R + +Rabelais, long word from +Racine, in the _Plaideurs_ +Raven, a muzzled +Rewards, promised +Rich, the, dead +Ridicule feared +Rites for dead +Robe, Cretan +Rope, the vermilion +Rope's end, for _membrum virile_ +Rowing, command to stop + +S + +Sacrifice, the complete +Sacrificial remains +Sailors, in danger +Saffron robe, meaning of +Salabaccha, a courtesan +Salaminian, the, a State galley +Samians, plot with Persians +Sardanapalus, used as title +Scaphephoros, symbol of +Sceptre, the, how made +Sciapodes, big feet of the +Scioné, a town +Scirophoria, feast of +Scorpions and orators +Scythian, the +--use as police +--his accent +Seal, how protected +Seals, broken +Sebinus, the treader +Semelé, mother of Bacchus +Serenades, Greek +Serpent, the sacred +Sesame cakes +Shakespeare, long word from +Shoemakers, women as +Shoes, etc., where left +Sight, extraordinary +Simois, city of the +Singing, exit whilst +Slaves +--branding of +--names +Smaeus, the debauchee +Socratic, the, "Elenchus" +Socrates, etc. +--comp. to vampires +--the accuser of +Soldier, as ambassador +Solon, laws of +Son, marries mother +Sophocles +--mentioned +--parodied +--the Laocoon of +Sore throat and bribery +"Sows, little," obscene pun +Sparta +--play on word +--alliance against +Sperchius, the +Sphettian vinegar +Spintharus +Sporgilus, a barber +State funds, embezzled +State, prosecuting the +Statutes, how protected +Sthenelus, an actor +Sthenoboea, an amorous queen +Stool, position at +Strangers, enjoy host's daughters +Streak, the red +Strouthian, the poulterer +Sun, the, parodied +Sunburnt, how to get +Sunshade carrier +Surnames of characters +Swearing, by the birds +Sybaris, the town of +Sycophants, origin of word +Syllables, seventy-seven +Syrmea, a plant + +T + +Tablets and scrolls +Taleas, a citizen +Talent, value of +Tartessus, a town +Taxes on slaves +Tenian garlic +Tereus, legend of +Terminus, the god +Testicles +--play on word +--tortured +Teucers +Thales, his fame +Thallophores (the) +Tharelides, the jay +Theagenes, his farting +Theogenes, a boaster +Theognis +Theorus, comp. to crow +Theramenes +Theseus, descent to Hades +--feasts of +THESMOPHORIA, when celebrated +--duration +--beautiful women +--women slaves forbidden +--lodging of women +--images of the gods +Thesmothetes (the) +--described +--again +Thespis, the dances of +Thorycion, frauds of +Thrace, towns of +Thrasybulus, deliverer of Athens +--compared +--takes Phylé +Thrasybulus the orator, sore throat of +_Threttanello_ (_see_ Lyre) +Thucydides, tongue-tied +Thymaetia, coats of +Tiara, how worn +Timon, the misanthrope +Timotheus, a general +Tithrasios +Torch-race (the) +Tortures allowed +--ingenious +Townspeople despised +Tragic style, parodied +Treasure, proverb on +Treasury, the public +Triballi, the, a term of reproach +Trierarchs +Tyranny, jest on death of + +U + +Ulysses' adventures +Urns, the two +--threatened +Versatile people, proverb +Verse, a borrowed +Verses, sung by maidens +Vine-prop (the), a comparison +Vote, of juryman, how given + +W + +Wealth, and principle +Wild pears and sore throats +Wine-skin, hopping on +Wine-pits, the +Wineshop-keepers punished +Woman and carding +--"to go with," pun on word +--debt in relation to +--old woman, pun on +Women, at funerals +--secret loves of +--in child-bed +--period of gestation +--love of strong drink +--their form of oath +--addressed as men +--yellow tunics of +--pale-faced +--pay their lovers +--display of luxury +Word, a wonderful +Wren, play on word +--in French and German + +X + +Xenocles, an inferior poet + +Y + +Yellow tunics +Young men, how seduced + +Z + +Zeus, the Deliverer + + + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE ELEVEN COMEDIES *** + +This file should be named 8689-8.txt or 8689-8.zip + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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