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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Eleven Comedies, by  Aristophanes et al
+
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+**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971**
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+*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!*****
+
+
+Title: The Eleven Comedies
+
+Author:  Aristophanes et al
+
+Release Date: August, 2005  [EBook #8689]
+[This file was first posted on August 1, 2003]
+Last Updated: October 21, 2019
+
+Edition: 10
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO Latin-1
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE ELEVEN COMEDIES ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Thomas Berger, and the Online Distributed
+Proofreading Team.
+
+
+
+The Athenian Society
+
+
+ARISTOPHANES
+
+THE ELEVEN COMEDIES
+
+
+Now For The First Time Literally And Completely Translated From The Greek
+Tongue Into English
+
+With Translator's Foreword An Introduction To Each Comedy And Elucidatory
+Notes
+
+
+The Second Of Two Volumes
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+CONTENTS OF THE SECOND VOLUME
+
+THE WASPS
+Introduction
+Text And Notes
+
+THE BIRDS
+Introduction
+Text And Notes
+
+THE FROGS
+Introduction
+Text And Notes
+
+THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE
+Introduction
+Text And Notes
+
+THE ECCLESIAZUSAE
+Introduction
+Text And Notes
+
+PLUTUS
+Introduction
+Text And Notes
+
+INDEX
+
+
+
+
+THE WASPS
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+"This Comedy, which was produced by its Author the year after the
+performance of 'The Clouds,' may be taken as in some sort a companion
+picture to that piece. Here the satire is directed against the passion of
+the Athenians for the excitement of the law-courts, as in the former its
+object was the new philosophy. And as the younger generation--the modern
+school of thought--were there the subjects of the caricature, so here the
+older citizens, who took their seats in court as jurymen day by day, to
+the neglect of their private affairs and the encouragement of a litigious
+disposition, appear in their turn in the mirror which the satirist holds
+up."
+
+There are only two characters of any importance to the action--Philocleon
+('friend of Cleon') and his son Bdelycleon ('enemy of Cleon'). The plot
+is soon told. Philocleon is a bigoted devotee of the malady of
+litigiousness so typical of his countrymen and an enthusiastic attendant
+at the Courts in his capacity of 'dicast' or juryman. Bdelycleon
+endeavours to persuade his father by every means in his power to change
+this unsatisfactory manner of life for something nobler and more
+profitable; but all in vain. As a last resource he keeps his father a
+prisoner indoors, so that he cannot attend the tribunals.
+
+The old man tries to escape, and these attempts are conceived in the
+wildest vein of extravaganza. He endeavours to get out by the chimney,
+pretending he is "only the smoke"; and all hands rush to clap a cover on
+the chimney-top, and a big stone on that. He slips through a hole in the
+tiles, and sits on the roof, pretending to be "only a sparrow"; and they
+have to set a net to catch him. Then the Chorus of Wasps, representing
+Philocleon''s fellow 'dicasts,' appear on the scene to rescue him. A
+battle royale takes place on the stage; the Wasps, with their formidable
+stings, trying to storm the house, while the son and his retainers defend
+their position with desperate courage. Finally the assailants are
+repulsed, and father and son agree upon a compromise. Bdelycleon
+promises, on condition that his father gives up attending the public
+trails, to set up a mock tribunal for him in his own house.
+
+Presently the theft of a Sicilian cheese by the house-dog Labes gives the
+old fellow an opportunity of exercising his judicial functions. Labes is
+duly arraigned and witnesses examines. But alas! Philocleon inadvertently
+casts his vote for the defendant's _acquittal_, the first time in his
+life "such a thing has ever occurred," and the old man nearly dies of
+vexation.
+
+At this point follows the 'Parabasis,' or Author's personal address to
+the audience, after which the concluding portion of the play has little
+connection with the main theme. This is a fault, according to modern
+ideas, common to many of these Comedies, but it is especially marked in
+this particular instance. The final part might almost be a separate play,
+under the title perhaps of 'The dicast turned gentleman,' and relates
+various ridiculous mistakes and laughable blunders committed by
+Philocleon, who, having given up his attendance on the law-courts, has
+set up for playing a part in polite society.
+
+The drama, as was very often the case, takes its title from the Chorus--a
+band of old men dressed up as wasps, who acrimonious, stinging,
+exasperated temper is meant to typify the character fostered among
+Athenian citizens by excessive addiction to forensic business.
+
+Racine, in the only comedy he attempted, 'Les Plaideurs,' borrows the
+incident of the mock trial of the house-dog, amplifying and adding
+further diverting features.
+
+Perhaps 'The Wasps' is the least amusing of all our Author's pieces which
+have come down to us--at any rate to a modern reader. The theme of its
+satire, the litigious spirit of the Athenians, is after all purely local
+and temporary, while the fun often strikes us as thin and forced.
+Schlegel writes in his 'Dramatic Literature': "The subject is too
+limited, the folly it ridicules appears a disease of too singular a
+description, without a sufficient universality of application, and the
+action is too much drawn out."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE WASPS
+
+
+DRAMATIS PERSONAE
+
+PHILOCLEON, a Dicast.
+BDELYCLEON, his Son.
+SOSIAS, House-servant of Philocleon.
+XANTHIAS, House-servant of Philocleon.
+BOYS.
+A DOG.
+A BAKER'S WIFE.
+ACCUSER.
+CHORUS OF ELDERS, costumed as Wasps.
+
+SCENE: Philocleon's house at Athens.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE WASPS
+
+
+SOSIAS. Why, Xanthias! what are you doing, wretched man?
+
+XANTHIAS. I am teaching myself how to rest; I have been awake and on
+watch the whole night.
+
+SOSIAS. So you want to earn trouble for your ribs,[1] eh? Don't you know
+what sort of an animal we are guarding here?
+
+XANTHIAS. Aye indeed! but I want to put my cares to sleep for a while.
+
+SOSIAS. Beware what you do. I too feel soft sleep spreading over my eyes.
+Resist it, for you must be as mad as a Corybant if you fall asleep.[2]
+
+XANTHIAS. No! 'Tis Bacchus who lulls me off.
+
+SOSIAS. Then you serve the same god as myself. Just now a heavy slumber
+settled on my eyelids like a hostile Mede; A nodded and, faith! I had a
+wondrous dream.
+
+XANTHIAS. Indeed! and so had I. A dream such as I never had before. But
+first tell me yours.
+
+SOSIAS. Methinks I saw an eagle, a gigantic bird, descend upon the
+market-place; it seized a brazen buckler with its talons and bore it away
+into the highest heavens; then I saw 'twas Cleonymus had thrown it away.
+
+XANTHIAS. This Cleonymus is a riddle worth propounding among guests. How
+can one and the same animal have cast away his buckler both on land, in
+the sky and at sea?[3]
+
+SOSIAS. Alas!  what ill does such a dream portend for me?
+
+XANTHIAS. Rest undisturbed! An it please the gods, no evil will befall
+you.
+
+SOSIAS. Nevertheless, 'tis a fatal omen when a man throws away his
+weapons. But what was your dream? Let me hear.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! it is a dream of high import. It has reference to the hull
+of the State; to nothing less.
+
+SOSIAS. Tell it me quickly; show me its very keel.
+
+XANTHIAS. In my first slumber I thought I saw sheep, wearing cloaks and
+carrying staves,[4] met in assembly on the Pnyx; a rapacious whale was
+haranguing them and screaming like a pig that is being grilled.
+
+SOSIAS. Faugh! faugh!
+
+XANTHIAS. What's the matter?
+
+SOSIAS. Enough, enough, spare me. Your dream stinks vilely of old
+leather.[5]
+
+XANTHIAS. Then this scoundrelly whale seized a balance and set to
+weighing ox-fat.[6]
+
+SOSIAS. Alas! 'tis our poor Athenian people, whom this accursed beast
+wished to cut up and despoil of their fat.
+
+XANTHIAS. Seated on the ground close to it, I saw Theorus,[7] who had the
+head of a crow. The Alcibiades said to me in his lisping way, "Do you
+thee? Theoruth hath a crow'th head."[8]
+
+SOSIAS. Ah! 'twas very well lisped indeed!
+
+XANTHIAS. This is might strange; Theorus turning into a crow!
+
+SOSIAS. No, it is glorious.
+
+XANTHIAS. Why?
+
+SOSIAS. Why? He was a man and now he has suddenly become a crow; does it
+not foretoken that he will take his flight from here and go to the
+crows?[9]
+
+XANTHIAS. Interpreting dreams so aptly certainly deserves two obols.[10]
+
+SOSIAS. Come, I must explain the matter to the spectators. But first a
+few words of preamble: expect nothing very high-flown from us, nor any
+jests stolen from Megara;[11] we have no slaves, who throw baskets of
+nuts[12] to the spectators, nor any Heracles to be robbed of his
+dinner,[13] nor is Euripides loaded with contumely; and despite the happy
+chance that gave Cleon his fame[14] we shall not go out of our way to
+belabour him again. Our little subject is not wanting in sense; it is
+well within your capacity and at the same time cleverer than many vulgar
+Comedies.--We have a master of great renown, who is now sleeping up there
+on the other story. He has bidden us keep guard over his father, whom he
+has locked in, so that he may not go out. This father has a curious
+complaint; not one of you could hit upon or guess it, if I did not tell
+you.--Well then, try! I hear Amynias, the son of Pronapus, over there,
+saying, "He is addicted to gambling."
+
+XANTHIAS. He's wrong! He is imputing his own malady to others.
+
+SOSIAS. No, yet love is indeed the principal part of his disease. Ah!
+here is Sosias telling Dercylus, "He loves drinking."
+
+XANTHIAS. Not at all! The love of wine is the complaint of good men.
+
+SOSIAS. "Well then," says Nicostratus of the Scambonian deme, "he either
+loves sacrifices or else strangers."
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! great gods! no, he is not fond of strangers, Nicostratus,
+for he who says "Philoxenus" means a dirty fellow.[15]
+
+SOSIAS. 'Tis mere waste of time, you will not find it out. If you want to
+know it, keep silence! I will tell you our master's complaint: of all
+men, it is he who is fondest of the Heliaea.[16] Thus, to be judging is
+his hobby, and he groans if he is not sitting on the first seat. He does
+not close an eye at night, and if he dozes off for an instant his mind
+flies instantly to the clepsydra.[17] He is so accustomed to hold the
+balloting pebble, that he awakes with his three fingers pinched
+together[18] as if he were offering incense to the new moon. If he sees
+scribbled on some doorway, "How charming is Demos,[19] the son of
+Pyrilampes!" he will write beneath it, "How charming is Cemos!"[20] His
+cock crowed one evening; said he, "He has had money from the accused to
+awaken me too late."[21] As soon as he rises from supper he bawls for his
+shoes and away he rushes down there before dawn to sleep beforehand,
+glued fast to the column like an oyster.[22] He is a merciless judge,
+never failing to draw the convicting line[23] and return home with his
+nails full of wax like a bumble-bee. Fearing he might run short of
+pebbles[24] he keeps enough at home to cover a sea-beach, so that he may
+have the means of recording his sentence. Such is his madness, and all
+advice is useless; he only judges the more each day. So we keep him under
+lock and key, to prevent his going out; for his son is broken-hearted
+over this mania. At first he tried him with gentleness, wanted to
+persuade him to wear the cloak no longer,[25] to go out no more; unable
+to convince him, he had him bathed and purified according to the
+ritual[26] without any greater success, and then handed him over the the
+Corybantes;[27] but the old man escaped them, and carrying off the
+kettle-drum,[28] rushed right into the midst of the Heliasts. As Cybelé
+could do nothing with her rites, his son took him again to Aegina and
+forcibly made him lie one night in the temple of Asclepius, the God of
+Healing, but before daylight there he was to be seen at the gate of the
+tribunal. Since then we let him go out no more, but he escaped us by the
+drains or by the skylights, so we stuffed up every opening with old rags
+and made all secure; then he drove short sticks into the wall and sprang
+from rung to rung like a magpie. Now we have stretched nets all round the
+court and we keep watch and ward. The old man's name is Philocleon,[29]
+'tis the best name he could have, and the son is called Bdelycleon,[30]
+for he is a man very fit to cure an insolent fellow of his boasting.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Xanthias! Sosias! Are you asleep?
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! oh!
+
+SOSIAS. What is the matter?
+
+XANTHIAS. Why, Bdelycleon is rising.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Will neither of you come here?  My father has got into the
+stove-chamber and is ferreting about like a rat in his hole. Take care he
+does not escape through the bath drain. You there, put all your weight
+against the door.
+
+SOSIAS. Aye, aye, master.
+
+BDELYCLEON. By Zeus!  what is that noise in the chimney?  Hullo! who are
+you?
+
+PHILOCLEON. I am the smoke going up.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Smoke?  smoke of what wood?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Of fig-wood.[31]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ah!  'this the most acrid of all. But you shall not get out.
+Where is the chimney cover?[32] Come down again. Now, up with another
+cross-bar. Now look out some fresh dodge. But am I not the most
+unfortunate of men? Henceforward, I shall only be called the son of the
+smoky old man. Slave, hold the door stoutly, throw your weight upon it,
+come, put heart into the work. I will come and help you. Watch both lock
+and bolt. Take care he does not gnaw through the peg.
+
+PHILOCLEON. What are you dong, you wretches?  Let me go out; it is
+imperative that I go and judge, or Dracontides will be acquitted.
+
+BDELYCLEON. What a dreadful calamity for you!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Once at Delphi, the god, whom I was consulting, foretold,
+that if an accused man escaped me, I should die of consumption.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Apollo, the Saviour, what a prophecy!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah!  I beseech you, if you do not want my death, let me go.
+
+BDELYCLEON. No, Philocleon, no never, by Posidon!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Well then, I shall gnaw through the net[33] with my teeth.
+
+BDELYCLEON. But you have no teeth.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! you rascal, how can I kill you?  How?  Give me a sword,
+quick, or a conviction tablet.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Our friend is planning some great crime.
+
+PHILOCLEON. No, by Zeus!  but I want to go and sell my ass and its
+panniers, for 'this the first of the month.[34]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Could I not sell it just as well?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Not as well as I could.
+
+BDELYCLEON. No, but better. Come, bring it here, bring it here by all
+means--if you can.
+
+XANTHIAS. What a clever excuse he has found now!  What cunning to get you
+to let him go out!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Yes, but I have not swallowed the hook; I scented the trick.
+I will go in and fetch the ass, so that the old man may not point his
+weapons that way again....[35] Stupid old ass, are you weeping because
+you are going to be sold? Come, go a bit quicker. Why, what are you
+moaning and groaning for?  You might be carrying another Odysseus.[36]
+
+XANTHIAS. Why, certainly, so he is!  someone has crept beneath his belly.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Who, who?  Let us see.
+
+XANTHIAS. 'Tis he.
+
+BDELYCLEON. What does this mean?  Who are you?  Come, speak!
+
+PHILOCLEON. I am Nobody.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Nobody?  Of what country?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Of Ithaca, son of Apodrasippides.[37]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ha!  Mister Nobody, you will not laugh presently. Pull him
+out quick!  Ah!  the wretch, where has be crept to? Does he not resemble
+a she-ass to the life?
+
+PHILOCLEON. If you do not leave me in peace, I shall commence
+proceedings.
+
+BDELYCLEON. And what will the suit be about?
+
+PHILOCLEON. The shade of an ass.[38]
+
+BDELYCLEON. You are a poor man of very little wit, but thoroughly brazen.
+
+PHILOCLEON. A poor man!  Ah!  by Zeus!  you know not now what I am worth;
+but you will know when you disembowel the old Heliast's money bag.[39]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come, get back indoors, both you and your ass.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! my brethren of the tribunal! oh! Cleon! to the rescue!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Go and bawl in there under lock and key. And you there, pile
+plenty of stones against the door, thrust the bolt home into the staple,
+and to keep this beam in its place roll that great mortar against it.
+Quick's the word.
+
+SOSIAS. Oh! my god! whence did this brick fall on me?
+
+XANTHIAS. Perhaps a rat loosened it.
+
+SOSIAS. A rat? 'tis surely our gutter-judge,[40] who has crept beneath
+the tiles of the roof.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! woe to us! there he is, he has turned into a sparrow; he
+will be flying off. Where is the net? where? pschit! pschit! get back!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ah! by Zeus! I would rather have to guard Scioné[41] than
+such a father.
+
+SOSIAS. And how that we have driven him in thoroughly and he can no
+longer escape without our knowledge, can we not have a few winks of
+sleep, no matter how few?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Why, wretch! the other jurymen will be here almost directly
+to summon my father!
+
+SOSIAS. Why, 'tis scarcely dawn yet!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ah, they must have risen late to-day. Generally it is the
+middle of the night when they come to fetch him. They arrive here,
+carrying lanterns in their hands and singing the charming old verses of
+Phrynichus' "Sidonian Women";[42] 'tis their way of calling him.
+
+SOSIAS. Well, if need be, we will chase them off with stones.
+
+BDELYCLEON. What!  you dare to speak so?  Why, this class of old men, if
+irritated, becomes as terrible as a swarm of wasps. They carry below
+their loins the sharpest of stings, with which to sting their foe; they
+shout and leap and their stings burn like so many sparks.
+
+SOSIAS. Have no fear!  If I can find stones to throw into this nest of
+jurymen-wasps, I shall soon have them cleared off.
+
+CHORUS. March on, advance boldly and bravely!  Comias, your feet are
+dragging; once you were as tough as a dog-skin strap and now even
+Charinades walks better than you. Ha!  Strymodorus of Conthylé, you best
+of mates, where is Euergides and where is Chales of Phyla?  Ha, ha,
+bravo! there you are, the last of the lads with whom we mounted guard
+together at Byzantium.[43] Do you remember how, one night, prowling
+round, we noiselessly stole the kneading-trough of a baker's-wife; we
+split it in two and cooked our green-stuff with it.--But let us hasten,
+for the case of the Laches[44] comes on to-day, and they all say he has
+embezzled a pot of money. Hence Cleon, our protector, advised us
+yesterday to come early and with a three days' stock of fiery rage so as
+to chastise him for his crimes. Let us hurry, comrades, before it is
+light; come, let us search every nook with our lanterns to see whether
+those who wish us ill have not set us some trap.
+
+BOY. Ah!  here is mud!  Father, take care!
+
+CHORUS. Pick up a blade of straw and trim the lamp of your lantern.
+
+BOY. No, I can trim it quite well with my finger.
+
+CHORUS. Why do you pull out the wick, you little dolt?  Oil is scarce,
+and 'tis not you who suffer when it has to be paid for. (_Strikes him._)
+
+BOY. If you teach us again with your fists, we shall put out the lamps
+and go home; then you will have no light and will squatter about in the
+mud like ducks in the dark.
+
+CHORUS. I know how to punish other offenders bigger than you. But I think
+I am treading in some mud. Oh! 'tis certain it will rain in torrents for
+four days at least; look, what thieves are in our lamps; that is always
+a sign of heavy rain; but the rain and the north wind will be good for
+the crops that are still standing.... Why, what can have happened to our
+mate, who lives here?  Why does he not come to join our party?  There
+used to be no need to haul him in our wake, for he would march at our
+head singing the verses of Phrynichus; he was a lover of singing. Should
+we not, friends, make a halt here and sign to call him out?  The charm of
+my voice will fetch him out, if he hears it.
+
+Why does the old man not show himself before the door?  why does he not
+answer?  Has he lost his shoes? has he stubbed his toe in the dark and
+thus got a swollen ankle?  Perhaps he has a tumour in his groin. He was
+the hardest of us all; he alone _never_ allowed himself to be moved. If
+anyone tried to move him, he would lower his head, saying, "You might
+just as well try to boil a stone." But I bethink me, an accused ma
+escaped us yesterday through his false pretence that he loved Athens and
+had been the first to unfold the Samian plot.[45] Perhaps his acquittal
+has so distressed Philocleon that he is abed with fever--he is quite
+capable of such a thing.--Friend, arise, do not thus vex your heart, but
+forget your wrath. Today we have to judge a man made wealthy by treason,
+one of those who set Thrace free;[46] we have to prepare him a funeral
+urn ... so march on, my boy, get a-going.
+
+BOY. Father, would you give me something if I asked for it?
+
+CHORUS. Assuredly, my child, but tell me what nice thing do you want me
+to buy you?  A set of knuckle-bones, I suppose.
+
+BOY. No, dad, I prefer figs; they are better.
+
+CHORUS. No, by Zeus! even if you were to hang yourself with vexation.
+
+BOY. Well then, I will lead you no father.
+
+CHORUS. With my small pay, I am obliged to buy bread, wood, stew; and now
+you ask me for figs!
+
+BOY. But, father, if the Archon[47] should not form a court to-day, how
+are we to buy our dinner? Have you some good hope to offer us or merely
+"Hellé's sacred waves"?[48]
+
+CHORUS. Alas! alas! I have not a notion how we shall dine.
+
+BOY. Oh! my poor mother! why did you let me see this day?
+
+CHORUS. Oh! my little wallet! you seem like to be a mere useless
+ornament!
+
+BOY. 'Tis our destiny to groan.
+
+PHILOCLEON.[49] My friends, I have long been pining away while listening
+to you from my window, but I absolutely know not what do do. I am
+detained here, because I have long wanted to go with you to the law court
+and do all the harm I can. Oh! Zeus! cause the peals of they thunder to
+roll, change me quickly into smoke or make me into a Proxenides, a
+perfect braggart, like the son of Sellus. Oh, King of Heaven! hesitate
+not to grant me this favour, pity my misfortune or else may thy dazzling
+lightning instantly reduce me to ashes; then carry me hence, and may thy
+breath hurl me into some burning pickle[50] or turn me into one of the
+stones on which the votes are counted.
+
+CHORUS. Who is it detains you and shuts you in? Speak, for you are
+talking to friends.
+
+PHILOCLEON. 'Tis my son. But no bawling, he is there in front asleep;
+lower your voice.
+
+CHORUS. But, poor fellow, what is his aim? what is his object?
+
+PHILOCLEON. My friends, he will not have me judge nor do anyone any ill,
+but he wants me to stay at home and enjoy myself, and I will not.
+
+CHORUS. This wretch, this Demolochocleon[51] dares to say such odious
+things, just because you tell the truth about our navy!
+
+PHILOCLEON. He would not have dared, had he not been a conspirator.
+
+CHORUS. Meanwhile, you must devise some new dodge, so that you can come
+down here without his knowledge.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But what? Try to find some way. For myself, I am ready for
+anything, so much do I burn to run along the tiers of the tribunal with
+my voting-pebble in my hand.
+
+CHORUS. There is surely some hole through which you could manage to
+squeeze from within, and escape dressed in rags, like the crafty
+Odysseus.[52]
+
+PHILOCLEON. Everything is sealed fast; not so much as a gnat could get
+through. Think of some other plan; there is no possible hold of escape.
+
+CHORUS. Do you recall how, when you were with the army at the taking of
+Naxos,[53] you descended so readily from the top of the wall by means of
+the spits you have stolen?
+
+PHILOCLEON. I remember that well enough, but what connection is there
+with present circumstances? I was young, clever at thieving, I had all my
+strength, none watched over me, and I could run off without fear. But
+to-day men-at-arms are placed at every outlet to watch me, and two of
+them are lying in wait for me at this very door armed with spits, just as
+folk lie in wait for a cat that has stolen a piece of meat.
+
+CHORUS. Come, discover some way as quick as possible. Here is the dawn
+come, my dear little friend.
+
+PHILOCLEON. The best way is to gnaw through the net. Oh! goddess, who
+watches over the nets,[54] forgive me for making a hole in this one.
+
+CHORUS. 'Tis acting like a man eager for his safety. Get your jaws to
+work!
+
+PHILOCLEON. There! 'tis gnawed through! But no shouting! let Bdelycleon
+notice nothing!
+
+CHORUS. Have no fear, have no fear! if he breathes a syllable, 'twill be
+to bruise his own knuckles; he will have to fight to defend his own head.
+We shall teach him not to insult the mysteries of the goddesses.[55] But
+fasten a rope to the window, tie it around your body and let yourself
+down to the ground, with your heart bursting with the fury of
+Diopithes.[56]
+
+PHILOCLEON. But if these notice it and want to fish me up and drag me
+back into the house, what will you do? Tell me that.
+
+CHORUS. We shall call up the full strength of out courage to your aid.
+That is what we will do.
+
+PHILOCLEON. I trust myself to you and risk the danger. If misfortune
+overtakes me, take away my body, bathe it with your tears and bury it
+beneath the bar of the tribunal.
+
+CHORUS. Nothing will happen to you, rest assured. Come friend, have
+courage and let yourself slide down while you invoke your country's gods.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! mighty Lycus![57] noble hero and my neighbour, thou, like
+myself, takest pleasure in the tears and the groans of the accused. If
+thou art come to live near the tribunal, 'tis with the express design of
+hearing them incessantly; thou alone of all the heroes hast wished to
+remain among those who weep. Have pity on me and save him, who lives
+close to thee; I swear I will never make water, never, nor relieve my
+belly with a fart against the railing of thy statue.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ho there! ho! get up!
+
+SOSIAS. What's the matter?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Methought I heard talking close to me.
+
+SOSIAS. Is the old man at it again, escaping through some loophole?
+
+BDELYCLEON. No, by Zeus! no, but he is letting himself down by a rope.
+
+SOSIAS. Ha, rascal! what are you doing there? You shall not descend.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Mount quick to the other window, strike him with the boughs
+that hang over the entrance; perchance he will turn back when he feels
+himself being thrashed.
+
+PHILOCLEON. To the rescue! all you, who are going to have lawsuits this
+year--Smicythion, Tisiades, Chremon and Pheredipnus. 'Tis now or never,
+before they force me to return, that you must help.
+
+CHORUS. Why do we delay to let loose that fury, that is so terrible, when
+our nests are attacked? I feel my angry sting is stiffening, that sharp
+sting, with which we punish our enemies. Come, children, cast your cloaks
+to the winds, run, shout, tell Cleon what is happening, that he may march
+against this foe to our city, who deserves death, since he proposes to
+prevent the trial of lawsuits.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Friends, listen to the truth, instead of bawling.
+
+CHORUS. By Zeus! we will shout to heaven and never forsake our friend.
+Why, this is intolerable, 'tis manifest tyranny. Oh! citizens, oh!
+Theorus,[58] the enemy of the gods! and all you flatterers, who rule us!
+come to our aid.
+
+XANTHIAS. By Heracles! they have stings. Do you see them, master?
+
+BDELYCLEON. 'Twas with these weapons that they killed Philippus the son
+of Gorgias[59] when he was put on trial.
+
+CHORUS. And you too shall die. Turn yourselves this way, all, with your
+stings out for attack and throw yourselves upon him in good and serried
+order, and swelled up with wrath and rage. Let him learn to know the sort
+of foes he has dared to irritate.
+
+XANTHIAS. The fight will be fast and furious, by great Zeus! I tremble at
+the sight of their stings.
+
+CHORUS. Let this man go, unless you want to envy the tortoise his hard
+shell.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Come, my dear companions, wasps with relentless hearts, fly
+against him, animated with your fury. Sting him in the back, in his eyes
+and on his fingers.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Midas, Phryx, Masyntias, here! Come and help. Seize this man
+and hand him over to no one, otherwise you shall starve to death in
+chains. Fear nothing, I have often heard the crackling of fig-leaves in
+the fire.[60]
+
+CHORUS. If you won't let him go, I shall bury this sting in your body.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh, Cecrops, mighty hero with the tail of a dragon! Seest
+thou how these barbarians ill-use me--me, who have many a time made them
+weep a full bushel of tears?
+
+CHORUS. Is not old age filled with cruel ills? What violence these two
+slaves offer to their old master! they have forgotten all bygones, the
+fur-coats and the jackets and the caps he bought for them; in winter he
+watched that their feet should not get frozen. And only see them now;
+there is no gentleness in their look nor any recollection of the slippers
+of other days.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Will you let me go, you accursed animal? Don't you remember
+the day when I surprised you stealing the grapes; I tied you to an
+olive-tree and I cut open your bottom with such vigorous lashes that
+folks thought you had been pedicated. Get away, you are ungrateful. But
+let go of me, and you too, before my son comes up.
+
+CHORUS. You shall repay us for all this and 'twill not be long first.
+Tremble at our ferocious glance; you shall taste our just anger.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Strike! strike, Xanthias! Drive these wasps away from the
+house.
+
+XANTHIAS. That's just what I am doing; but do you smoke them out
+thoroughly too.
+
+SOSIAS. You will not go? The plague seize you! Will you not clear off?
+Xanthias, strike them with your stick!
+
+XANTHIAS. And you, to smoke them out better, throw Aeschinus, the son of
+Selartius, on the fire. Ah! we were bound to drive you off in the end.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Eh! by Zeus! you would not have put them to flight so easily
+if they had fed on the verses of Philocles.
+
+CHORUS. It is clear to all the poor that tyranny has attacked us sorely.
+Proud emulator of Amynias, you, who only take pleasure in doing ill, see
+how you are preventing us from obeying the laws of the city; you do not
+even seek a pretext or any plausible excuse, but claim to rule alone.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Hold! A truce to all blows and brawling! Had we not better
+confer together and come to some understanding?
+
+CHORUS. Confer with you, the people's foe! with you, a royalist, the
+accomplice of Brasidas![61] with you, who wear woollen fringes on your
+cloak and let your beard grow!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ah! it were better to separate altogether from my father than
+to steer my boat daily through such stormy seas!
+
+CHORUS. Oh! you have but reached the parsley and the rue, to use the
+common saying.[62] What you are suffering is nothing! but welcome the
+hour when the advocate shall adduce all these same arguments against you
+and shall summon your accomplices to give witness.
+
+BDELYCLEON. In the name of the gods! withdraw or we shall fight you the
+whole day long.
+
+CHORUS. No, not as long as I retain an atom of breath. Ha! your desire is
+to tyrannize over us!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Everything is now tyranny with us, no matter what is
+concerned, whether it be large or small. Tyranny! I have not heard the
+word mentioned once in fifty years, and now it is more common than
+salt-fish, the word is even current on the market. If you are buying
+gurnards and don't want anchovies, the huckster next door, who is selling
+the latter, at once exclaims, "That is a man, whose kitchen savours of
+tyranny!" If you ask for onions to season your fish, the green-stuff
+woman winks one eye and asks, "Ha! you ask for onions! are you seeking to
+tyrannize, or do you think that Athens must pay you your seasonings as a
+tribute?"
+
+XANTHIAS. Yesterday I went to see a gay girl about noon and suggested she
+should mount and ride me; she flew into a rage, pretending I wanted to
+restore the tyranny of Hippias.[63]
+
+BDELYCLEON. That's the talk that pleases the people! As for myself, I
+want my father to lead a joyous life like Morychus[64] instead of going
+away before dawn to basely calumniate and condemn; and for this I am
+accused of conspiracy and tyrannical practice!
+
+PHILOCLEON. And quite right too, by Zeus! The most exquisite dishes do
+not make up to me for the life of which you deprive me. I scorn your red
+mullet and your eels, and would far rather eat a nice little law suitlet
+cooked in the pot.
+
+BDELYCLEON. 'Tis because you have got used to seeking your pleasure in
+it; but if you will agree to keep silence and hear me, I think I could
+persuade you that you deceive yourself altogether.
+
+PHILOCLEON. _I_ deceive myself, when I am judging?
+
+BDELYCLEON. You do not see that you are the laughing-stock of these men,
+whom you are ready to worship. You are their slave and do not know it.
+
+PHILOCLEON. _I_ a slave, I, who lord it over all!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Not at all, you think you are ruling when you are only
+obeying. Tell me, father, what do you get out of the tribute paid by so
+many Greek towns?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Much, and I appoint my colleagues jurymen.
+
+BDELYCLEON. And I also. Release him, all of you, and bring me a sword. If
+my arguments do not prevail I will fall upon this blade. As for you, tell
+me whether you accept the verdict of the Court.
+
+PHILOCLEON. May I never drink my Heliast's pay in honour of the good
+Genius, if I do not.
+
+CHORUS. Tis now we have to draw upon our arsenal for some fresh weapon;
+above all do not side with this youth in his opinions. You see how
+serious the question has become; 'twill be all over with us, which the
+gods forfend, if he should prevail.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Let someone bring me my tablets with all speed!
+
+CHORUS. Your tablets? Ha, ha! what an importance you would fain assume!
+
+BDELYCLEON. I merely wish to note down my father's points.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But what will you say of it, if he should triumph in the
+debate?
+
+CHORUS. That old men are no longer good for anything; we shall be
+perpetually laughed at in the streets, shall be called thallophores,[65]
+mere brief-bags. You are to be the champion of all our rights and
+sovereignty. Come, take courage! Bring into action all the resources of
+your wit.
+
+PHILOCLEON. At the outset I will prove to you that there exists no king
+whose might is greater than ours. Is there a pleasure, a blessing
+comparable with that of a juryman? Is there a being who lives more in the
+midst of delights, who is more feared, aged though he be? From the moment
+I leave my bed, men of power, the most illustrious in the city, await me
+at the bar of the tribunal; the moment I am seen from the greatest
+distance, they come forward to offer me a gentle hand,--that has pilfered
+the public funds; they entreat me, bowing right low and with a piteous
+voice, "Oh! father," they say, "pity me, I adjure you by the profit _you_
+were able to make in the public service or in the army, when dealing with
+the victuals." Why, the man who thus speaks would not know of my
+existence, had I not let him off on some former occasion.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Let us note this first point, the supplicants.
+
+PHILOCLEON. These entreaties have appeased my wrath, and I enter--firmly
+resolved to do nothing that I have promised. Nevertheless I listen to the
+accused. Oh! what tricks to secure acquittal! Ah! there is no form of
+flattery that is not addressed to the heliast! Some groan over their
+poverty and they exaggerate the truth in order to make their troubles
+equal to my own. Others tell us anecdotes or some comic story from Aesop.
+Others, again, cut jokes; they fancy I shall be appeased if I laugh. If
+we are not even then won over, why, then they drag forward their young
+children by the hand, both boys and girls, who prostrate themselves and
+whine with one accord, and then the father, trembling as if before a god,
+beseeches me not to condemn him out of pity for them, "If you love the
+voice of the lamb, have pity on my son's"; and because I am fond of
+little sows,[66] I must yield to his daughter's prayers. Then we relax
+the heat of our wrath a little for him. Is not this great power indeed,
+which allows even wealth to be disdained?
+
+BDELYCLEON. A second point to note, the disdain of wealth. And now recall
+to me what are the advantages you enjoy, you, who pretend to rule over
+Greece?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Being entrusted with the inspection of the young men, we have
+a right to examine their organs. Is Aeagrus[67] accused, he is not
+acquitted before he has recited a passage from 'Niobe'[68] and he chooses
+the finest. If a flute-player gains his case, he adjusts his
+mouth-strap[69] in return and plays us the final air while we are
+leaving. A father on his death-bed names some husband for his daughter,
+who is his sole heir; but we care little for his will or for the shell so
+solemnly placed over the seal;[70] we give the young maiden to him who
+has best known how to secure our favour. Name me another duty that is so
+important and so irresponsible.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Aye, 'tis a fine privilege, and the only one on which I can
+congratulate you; but surely to violate the will is to act badly towards
+the heiress.
+
+PHILOCLEON. And if the Senate and the people have trouble in deciding
+some important case, it is decreed to send the culprits before the
+heliasts; then Euathlus[71] and the illustrious Colaconymus,[72] who cast
+away his shield, swear not to betray us and to fight for the people. Did
+ever an orator carry the day with his opinion if he had not first
+declared that the jury should be dismissed for the day as soon as they
+had given their first verdict? We are the only ones whom Cleon, the great
+bawler, does not badger. On the contrary, he protects and caresses us; he
+keeps off the flies, which is what you have never done for your father.
+Theorus, who is a man not less illustrious than Euphemius,[73] takes the
+sponge out of the pot and blacks our shoes. See then what good things you
+deprive and despoil me of. Pray, is this obeying or being a slave, as you
+pretended to be able to prove?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Talk away to your heart's content; you must come to a stop at
+last and then you shall see that this grand power only resembles one of
+those things that, wash 'em as you will, remain as foul as ever.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But I am forgetting the most pleasing thing of all. When I
+return home with my pay, everyone runs to greet me because of my money.
+First my daughter bathes me, anoints my feet, stoops to kiss me and,
+while she is calling me "her dearest father," fishes out my triobolus
+with her tongue;[74] then my little wife comes to wheedle me and brings a
+nice light cake; she sits beside me and entreats me in a thousand ways,
+"Do take this now; do have some more." All this delights me hugely, and I
+have no need to turn towards you or the steward to know when it shall
+please him to serve my dinner, all the while cursing and grumbling. But
+if he does not quickly knead my cake, I have this,[75] which is my
+defence, my shield against all ills. If you do not pour me out drink, I
+have brought this long-eared jar[76] full of wine. How it brays, when I
+bend back and bury its neck in my mouth! What terrible and noisy
+gurglings, and how I laugh at your wine-skins. As to power, am I not
+equal to the king of the gods? If our assembly is noisy, all say as they
+pass, "Great gods! the tribunal is rolling out its thunder!" If I let
+loose the lightning, the richest, aye, the noblest are half dead with
+fright and shit themselves with terror. You yourself are afraid of me,
+yea, by Demeter! you are afraid.
+
+BDELYCLEON. May I die if you frighten me.
+
+CHORUS. Never have I heard speech so elegant or so sensible.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! he thought he had only to turn me round his finger; he
+should, however, have known the vigour of my eloquence.
+
+CHORUS. He has said everything without omission. I felt myself grow
+taller while I listened to him. Methought myself meting out justice in
+the Islands of the Blest, so much was I taken with the charm of his
+words.
+
+BDELYCLEON. How overjoyed they are! What extravagant delight! Ah! ah! you
+are going to get a thrashing to-day.
+
+CHORUS. Come, plot everything you can to beat him; 'tis not easy to
+soften me if you do not talk on my side, and if you have nothing but
+nonsense to spout, 'tis time to buy a good millstone, freshly cut withal,
+to crush my anger.
+
+BDELYCLEON. The cure of a disease, so inveterate and so widespread in
+Athens, is a difficult task and of too great importance for the scope of
+Comedy. Nevertheless, my old father....
+
+PHILOCLEON. Cease to call me by that name, for, if you do not prove me a
+slave and that quickly too, you must die by my hand, even if I must be
+deprived of my share in the sacred feasts.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Listen to me, dear little father, unruffle that frowning brow
+and reckon, you can do so without trouble, not with pebbles, but on your
+fingers, what is the sum-total of the tribute paid by the allied towns;
+besides this we have the direct imposts, a mass of percentage dues, the
+fees of the courts of justice, the produce from the mines, the markets,
+the harbours, the public lands and the confiscations. All these together
+amount to close on two thousand talents. Take from this sum the annual
+pay of the dicasts; they number six thousand, and there have never been
+more in this town; so therefore it is one hundred and fifty talents that
+come to you.
+
+PHILOCLEON. What! our pay is not even a tithe of the State revenue?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Why no, certainly not.
+
+PHILOCLEON. And where does the rest go then?
+
+BDELYCLEON. To those who say: "I shall never betray the interests of the
+masses; I shall always fight for the people." And 'tis you, father, who
+let yourself be caught with their fine talk, who give them all power over
+yourself. They are the men who extort fifty talents at a time by threat
+and intimidation from the allies. "Pay tribute to me," they say, "or I
+shall loose the lightning on your town and destroy it." And you, you are
+content to gnaw the crumbs of your own might. What do the allies do? They
+see that the Athenian mob lives on the tribunal in niggard and miserable
+fashion, and they count you for nothing, for not more than the vote of
+Connus;[77] 'tis on those wretches that they lavish everything, dishes of
+salt fish, wine, tapestries, cheese, honey, sesame-fruit, cushions,
+flagons, rich clothing, chaplets, necklets, drinking-cups, all that
+yields pleasure and health. And you, their master, to you as a reward for
+all your toil both on land and sea, nothing is given, not even a clove of
+garlic to eat with your little fish.
+
+PHILOCLEON. No, undoubtedly not; I have had to send and buy some from
+Eucharides. But you told me I was a slave. Prove it then, for I am dying
+with impatience.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Is it not the worst of all slaveries to see all these
+wretches and their flatterers, whom they gorge with gold, at the head of
+affairs? As for you, you are content with the three obols they give you
+and which you have so painfully earned in the galleys, in battles and
+sieges. But what I stomach least is that you go to sit on the tribunal by
+order. Some lewd stripling, the son of Chereas, to wit, enters your house
+balancing his body, rotten with debauchery, on his straddling legs and
+charges you to come and judge at daybreak, and precisely to the minute.
+"He who only presents himself after the opening of the Court," says he,
+"will not get the triobolus." But he himself, though he arrives late,
+will nevertheless get his drachma as a public advocate. If an accused man
+makes him some present, he shares it with a colleague and the pair agree
+to arrange the matter like two sawyers, one of whom pulls and the other
+pushes. As for you, you have only eyes for the public pay-clerk, and you
+see nothing.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Can it be I am treated thus? Oh! what is it you are saying?
+You stir me to the bottom of my heart! I am all ears! I cannot syllable
+what I feel.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Consider then; you might be rich, both you and all the
+others; I know not why you let yourself be fooled by these folk who call
+themselves the people's friends. A myriad of towns obey you, from the
+Euxine to Sardis. What do you gain thereby? Nothing but this miserable
+pay, and even that is like the oil with which the flock of wool is
+impregnated and is doled to you drop by drop, just enough to keep you
+from dying of hunger. They want you to be poor, and I will tell you why.
+'Tis so that you may know only those who nourish you, and so that, if it
+pleases them to loose you against one of their foes, you shall leap upon
+him with fury. If they wished to assure the well-being of the people,
+nothing would be easier for them. We have now a thousand towns that pay
+us tribute; let them command each of these to feed twenty Athenians; then
+twenty thousand of our citizens would be eating nothing but hare, would
+drink nothing but the purest of milk, and always crowned with garlands,
+would be enjoying the delights to which the great name of their country
+and the trophies of Marathon give them the right; whereas to-day you are
+like the hired labourers who gather the olives; you follow him who pays
+you.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Alas! my hand is benumbed; I can no longer draw my sword.[78]
+What has become of my strength?
+
+BDELYCLEON. When they are afraid, they promise to divide Euboea[79] among
+you and to give each fifty bushels of wheat, but what have they given
+you? Nothing excepting, quite recently, five bushels of barley, and even
+these you have only obtained with great difficulty, on proving you were
+not aliens, and then choenix by choenix.[80] That is why I always kept
+you shut in; I wanted you to be fed by me and no longer at the beck of
+these blustering braggarts. Even now I am ready to let you have all you
+want, provided you no longer let yourself be suckled by the pay-clerk.
+
+CHORUS. He was right who said, "Decide nothing till you have heard both
+sides," for it seems to me, that 'tis you who now gain the complete
+victory. My wrath is appeased, I throw away my sticks. Come, comrade, our
+contemporary, let yourself be gained over by his words; come, do not be
+too obstinate or too perverse. Why have I no relation, no ally to speak
+to me like this? Do not doubt it, 'tis a god who is now protecting you
+and loading you with his benefits. Accept them.
+
+BDELYCLEON. I will feed him, I will give him everything that is suitable
+for an old man, oatmeal gruel, a cloak, soft furs and a maid to rub his
+loins and play with his tool. But he is silent and utters not a word;
+'tis a bad sign.
+
+CHORUS. He has thought the thing over and has recognized his folly; he
+reproaches himself for not having followed your advice always. But there
+he is, converted by your words, and has no doubt become wiser to alter
+his ways in future and to believe in none but you.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Alas! alas!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Now why this lamentation?
+
+PHILOCLEON. A truce to your promises! What I love is down there, 'tis
+down there I want to be, there, where the herald cries, "Who has not yet
+voted? Let him rise!" I want to be the last to leave the urn of all. Oh,
+my soul, my soul! where art thou? come! oh! dark shadows, make way for
+me![81] By Heracles, may I reach the Court in time to convict Cleon of
+theft.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come, father, in the name of the gods, believe me!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Believe you! Ask me anything, anything, except one.
+
+BDELYCLEON. What is it? Let us hear.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Not to judge any more! Before I consent, I shall have
+appeared before Pluto.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Very well then, since you find so much pleasure in it, go
+down there no more, but stay here and deal out justice to your slaves.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But what is there to judge? Are you mad?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Everything as in a tribunal. If a servant opens a door
+secretly, you inflict upon him a simple fine; 'tis what you have
+repeatedly done down there. Everything can be arranged to suit you. If it
+is warm in the morning, you can judge in the sunlight; if it is snowing,
+then seated at your fire; if it rains, you go indoors; and if you only
+rise at noon, there will be no Thesmothetes[82] to exclude you from the
+precincts.
+
+PHILOCLEON. The notion pleases me.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Moreover, if a pleader is long-winded, you will not be
+fasting and chafing and seeking vengeance on the accused.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But could I judge as well with my mouth full?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Much better. Is it not said, that the dicasts, when deceived
+by lying witnesses, have need to ruminate well in order to arrive at the
+truth?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Well said, but you have not told me yet who will pay salary.
+
+BDELYCLEON. I will.
+
+PHILOCLEON. So much the better; in this way I shall be paid by myself.
+Because that cursed jester, Lysistratus,[83] played me an infamous trick
+the other day. He received a drachma for the two of us[84] and went on
+the fish-market to get it changed and then brought me back three mullet
+scales. I took them for obols and crammed them into my mouth;[85] but the
+smell choked me and I quickly spat them out. So I dragged him before the
+Court.
+
+BDELYCLEON. And what did he say to that?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Well, he pretended I had the stomach of a cock. "You have
+soon digested the money," he said with a laugh.
+
+BDELYCLEON. You see, that is yet another advantage.
+
+PHILOCLEON. And no small one either. Come, do as you will.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Wait! I will bring everything here.
+
+PHILOCLEON. You see, the oracles are coming true; I have heard it
+foretold, that one day the Athenians would dispense justice in their own
+houses, that each citizen would have himself a little tribunal
+constructed in his porch similar to the altars of Hecaté,[86] and that
+there would be such before every door.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Hold! what do you say? I have brought you everything needful
+and much more into the bargain. See, here is an _article,_ should you
+want to piss; it shall be hung beside you on a nail.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Good idea! Right useful at my age. You have found the true
+preventive of bladder troubles.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Here is fire, and near to it are lentils, should you want to
+take a snack.
+
+PHILOCLEON. 'Tis admirably arranged. For thus, even when feverish, I
+shall nevertheless receive my pay; and besides, I could eat my lentils
+without quitting my seat. But why this cock?
+
+BDELYCLEON. So that, should you doze during some pleading, he may awaken
+you by crowing up there.
+
+PHILOCLEON. I want only for one thing more; all the rest is as good as
+can be.
+
+BDELYCLEON. What is that?
+
+PHILOCLEON. If only they could bring me an image of the hero Lycus.[87]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Here it is! Why, you might think it was the god himself!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! hero, my master! how repulsive you are to look at! 'Tis
+an exact portrait of Cleonymus!
+
+SOSIAS. That is why, hero though he be, he has no weapon.
+
+BDELYCLEON. The sooner you take your seat, the sooner I shall call a
+case.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Call it, for I have been seated ever so long.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Let us see. What case shall we bring up first? Is there a
+slave who has done something wrong? Ah! you Thracian there, who burnt the
+stew-pot t'other day.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Hold, hold! Here is a fine state of things! you had almost
+made me judge without a bar,[88] and that is the thing of all others most
+sacred among us.
+
+BDELYCLEON. By Zeus! I had forgotten it, but I will run indoors and bring
+you one immediately. What is this after all, though, but mere force of
+habit!
+
+XANTHIAS. Plague take the brute! Can anyone keep such a dog?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Hullo! what's the matter?
+
+XANTHIAS. Why, 'tis Labes,[89] who has just rushed into the kitchen and
+has seized a whole Sicilian cheese and gobbled it up.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Good! this will be the first offence I shall make my father
+try. (_To Xanthias._) Come along and lay your accusation.
+
+XANTHIAS. No, not I; the other dog vows he will be accuser, if the matter
+is set down for trial.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Well then, bring them both along.
+
+XANTHIAS. I am coming.
+
+PHILOCLEON. What is this?
+
+BDELYCLEON. 'Tis the pig-trough[90] of the swine dedicated to Hestia.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But it's sacrilege to bring it here.
+
+BDELYCLEON. No, no, by addressing Hestia first,[91] I might, thanks to
+her, crush an adversary.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Put an end to delay by calling up the case. My verdict is
+already settled.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Wait! I must yet bring out the tablets[92] and the
+scrolls.[93]
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! I am boiling, I am dying with impatience at your delays.
+I could have traced the sentence in the dust.
+
+BDELYCLEON. There you are.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Then call the case.
+
+BDELYCLEON. I am here.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Firstly, who is this?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ah! my god! why, this is unbearable! I have forgotten the
+urns.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Well now! where are you off to?
+
+BDELYCLEON. To look for the urns.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Unnecessary, I shall use these vases.[94]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Very well, then we have all we need, except the clepsydra.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Well then! and this? what is it if not a clepsydra?[95]
+
+BDELYCLEON. True again! 'Tis calling things by their right name! Let fire
+be brought quickly from the house with myrtle boughs and incense, and let
+us invoke the gods before opening the sitting.
+
+CHORUS. Offer them libations and your vows and we will thank them that a
+noble agreement has put an end to your bickerings and strife.
+
+BDELYCLEON. And first let there be a sacred silence.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! god of Delphi! oh! Phoebus Apollo! convert into the greatest
+blessing for us all what is now happening before this house, and cure us
+of our error, oh, Paean,[96] our helper!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Oh! Powerful god, Apollo Aguieus,[97] who watchest at the
+door of my entrance hall, accept this fresh sacrifice; I offer it that
+you may deign to soften my father's excessive severity; he is as hard as
+iron, his heart is like sour wine; do thou pour into it a little honey.
+Let him become gentle like other men, let him take more interest in the
+accused than in the accusers, may he allow himself to be softened by
+entreaties; calm his acrid humour and deprive his irritable mind of all
+sting.
+
+CHORUS. We unite our vows and chants to those of this new magistrate.[98]
+His words have won our favour and we are convinced that he loves the
+people more than any of the young men of the present day.
+
+BDELYCLEON. If there be any judge near at hand, let him enter; once the
+proceedings have opened, we shall admit him no more.[99]
+
+PHILOCLEON. Who is the defendant? Ha! what a sentence he will get!
+
+XANTHIAS (_Prosecuting Council_). Listen to the indictment. A dog of
+Cydathenea doth hereby charge Labes of Aexonia with having devoured a
+Sicilian cheese by himself without accomplices. Penalty demanded, a
+collar of fig-tree wood.[100]
+
+PHILOCLEON. Nay, a dog's death, if convicted.
+
+BDELYCLEON. This is Labes, the defendant.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! what a wretched brute! how entirely he looks the rogue!
+He thinks to deceive me by keeping his jaws closed. Where is the
+plaintiff, the dog of Cydathenea?
+
+DOG. Bow wow! bow wow!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Here he is.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Why, 'tis a second Labes, a great barker and a licker of
+dishes.
+
+SOSIAS (_Herald_). Silence! Keep your seats! (_To Xanthias._) And you, up
+on your feet and accuse him.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Go on, and I will help myself and eat these lentils.
+
+XANTHIAS. Men of the jury, listen to this indictment I have drawn up. He
+has committed the blackest of crimes, both against me and the
+seamen.[101] He sought refuge in a dark corner to glutton on a big
+Sicilian cheese, with which he sated his hunger.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Why, the crime is clear; the foul brute this very moment
+belched forth a horrible odour of cheese right under my nose.
+
+XANTHIAS. And he refused to share with me. And yet can anyone style
+himself your benefactor, when he does not cast a morsel to your poor dog?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Then he has not shared?
+
+XANTHIAS. Not with me, his comrade.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Then his madness is as hot as my lentils.
+
+BDELYCLEON. In the name of the gods, father! No hurried verdict without
+hearing the other side!
+
+PHILOCLEON. But the evidence is plain; the fact speaks for itself.
+
+XANTHIAS. Then beware of acquitting the most selfish of canine gluttons,
+who has devoured the whole cheese, rind and all, prowling round the
+platter.
+
+PHILOCLEON. There is not even enough left for me to fill up the chinks in
+my pitcher.
+
+XANTHIAS. Besides, you _must_ punish him, because the same house cannot
+keep two thieves. Let me not have barked in vain, else I shall never bark
+again.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! the black deeds he has just denounced! What a shameless
+thief! Say, cock, is not that your opinion too? Ha, ha! He thinks as I
+do. Here, Thesmothetes![102] where are you? Hand me the vessel.
+
+SOSIAS (_Thesmothetes_). Take it yourself. I go to call the witnesses;
+these are a plate, a pestle, a cheese knife, a brazier, a stew-pot and
+other half-burnt utensils. (_To Philocleon._) But you have not finished?
+you are piddling away still! Have done and be seated.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ha, ha! I reckon I know somebody who will shit himself with
+fright today.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Will you never cease showing yourself hard and intractable,
+and especially to the accused? You tear them to pieces tooth and nail.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Come forward and defend yourself. What means this silence?
+Answer.
+
+SOSIAS. No doubt he has nothing to say.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Not so, but I think he has got what happened once to
+Thucydides, when accused;[103] his jaws suddenly set fast. Get away! I
+will undertake your defence.--Gentlemen of the jury, 'tis a difficult
+thing to speak for a dog who has been calumniated, but nevertheless I
+will try. 'Tis a good dog, and he chivies the wolves finely.
+
+PHILOCLEON. He! that thief and conspirator!
+
+BDELYCLEON. But 'tis the best of all our dogs; he is capable of guarding
+a whole flock.
+
+PHILOCLEON. And what good is that, if he eats the cheese?
+
+BDELYCLEON. What? he fights for you, he guards your door; 'tis an
+excellent dog in every respect. Forgive him his larceny; he is wretchedly
+ignorant, he cannot play the lyre.
+
+PHILOCLEON. I wish he did not know how to write either; then the rascal
+would not have drawn up his pleadings.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Witnesses, I pray you, listen. Come forward, grafting-knife,
+and speak up; answer me clearly. You were paymaster at the time. Did you
+grate out to the soldiers what was given you?--He says he did so.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But, by Zeus! he lies.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Oh! have patience. Take pity on the unfortunate. Labes feeds
+only on fish-bones and fishes' heads and has not an instant of peace. The
+other is good only to guard the house; he never moves from here, but
+demands his share of all that is brought in and bites those who refuse.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! Heaven! have I fallen ill? I feel my anger cooling! Woe
+to me! I am softening!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Have pity, father, pity, I adjure you; you would not have him
+dead. Where are his puppies? Come, poor little beasties, yap, up on your
+haunches, beg and whine!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Descend, descend, descend, descend![104]
+
+BDELYCLEON. I will descend, although that word, "descend," has too often
+raised false hope. None the less, I will descend.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Plague seize it! Have I then done wrong to eat! What! I to be
+crying! Ah! I certainly should not be weeping, if I were not blown out
+with lentils.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Then he is acquitted?
+
+PHILOCLEON. I did not say so.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ah! my dear father, be good! be humane! Take this voting
+pebble and rush with your eyes closed to that second urn[105] and,
+father, acquit him.
+
+PHILOCLEON. No, I know no more how to acquit than to play the lyre.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come quickly, I will show you the way.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Is this the first urn?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Yes.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Then I have voted.
+
+BDELYCLEON (_aside_). I have fooled him and he has acquitted in spite of
+himself.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Come, I will turn out the urns. What is the result?
+
+BDELYCLEON. We shall see.--Labes, you stand acquitted.--Eh! father,
+what's the matter, what is it?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah me! ah me! water! water!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Pull yourself together, sir!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Tell me! Is he really acquitted?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Yes, certainly.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Then it's all over with me!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Courage, dear father, don't let this afflict you so terribly.
+
+PHILOCLEON. And so I have charged my conscience with the acquittal of an
+accused being! What will become of me? Sacred gods! forgive me. I did it
+despite myself; it is not in my character.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Do not vex yourself, father; I will feed you well, will take
+you everywhere to eat and drink with me; you shall go to every feast;
+henceforth your life shall be nothing but pleasure, and Hyperbolus shall
+no longer have you for a tool. But come, let us go in.
+
+PHILOCLEON. So be it; if you will, let us go in.
+
+CHORUS (_Parabasis_). Go where it pleases you and may your happiness be
+great. You meanwhile, oh! countless myriads, listen to the sound counsels
+I am going to give you and take care they are not lost upon you. 'Twould
+be the fate of vulgar spectators, not that of such an audience. Hence,
+people, lend me your ear, if you love frank speaking. The poet has a
+reproach to make against his audience; he says you have ill-treated him
+in return for the many services he has rendered you. At first he kept
+himself in the background and lent help secretly to other poets,[106] and
+like the prophetic Genius, who hid himself in the belly of Eurycles,[107]
+slipped within the spirit of another and whispered to him many a comic
+hit. Later he ran the risks of the theatre on his own account, with his
+face uncovered, and dared to guide his Muse unaided. Though overladen
+with success and honours more than any of your poets, indeed despite all
+his glory, he does not yet believe he has attained his goal; his heart is
+not swollen with pride and he does not seek to seduce the young folk in
+the wrestling school.[108] If any lover runs up to him to complain
+because he is furious at seeing the object of his passion derided on the
+stage, he takes no heed of such reproaches, for he is only inspired with
+honest motives and his Muse is no go-between. From the very outset of his
+dramatic career he has disdained to assail those who were men, but with a
+courage worthy of Heracles himself he attacked the most formidable
+monsters, and at the beginning went straight for that beast[109] with the
+sharp teeth, with the terrible eyes that flashed lambent fire like those
+of Cynna,[110] surrounded by a hundred lewd flatterers who spittle-licked
+him to his heart's content; it had a voice like a roaring torrent, the
+stench of a seal, a foul Lamia's testicles,[111] and the rump of a camel.
+Our poet did not tremble at the sight of this horrible monster, nor did
+he dream of gaining him over; and again this very day he is fighting for
+your good. Last year besides, he attacked those pale, shivering and
+feverish beings[112] who strangled your fathers in the dark, throttled
+your grandfathers,[113] and who, lying in the beds of the most
+inoffensive, piled up against them lawsuits, summonses and witnesses to
+such an extent, that many of them flew in terror to the Polemarch for
+refuge.[114] Such is the champion you have found to purify your country
+of all its evil, and last year you betrayed him,[115] when he sowed the
+most novel ideas, which, however, did not strike root, because you did
+not understand their value; notwithstanding this, he swears by Bacchus,
+the while offering him libations, that none ever heard better comic
+verses. 'Tis a disgrace to you not to have caught their drift at once; as
+for the poet, he is none the less appreciated by the enlightened judges.
+He shivered his oars in rushing boldly forward to board his foe.[116] But
+in future, my dear fellow-citizens, love and honour more those of your
+poets who seek to imagine and express some new thought. Make their ideas
+your own, keep them in your caskets like sweet-scented fruit.[117] If you
+do, your clothing will emit an odour of wisdom the whole year through.
+
+Formerly we were untiring, especially in _other_ exercises,[118] but 'tis
+over now; our brow is crowned with hair whiter than the swan. We must,
+however, rekindle a youthful ardour in these remnants of what was, and
+for myself, I prefer my old age to the curly hair and the finery of all
+these lewd striplings.
+
+Should any among you spectators look upon me with wonder, because of this
+wasp waist, or not know the meaning of this sting, I will soon dispel his
+ignorance. We, who wear this appendage, are the true Attic men, who alone
+are noble and native to the soil, the bravest of all people. 'Tis we who,
+weapon in hand, have done so much for the country, when the Barbarian
+shed torrents of fire and smoke over our city in his relentless desire to
+seize our nests by force. At once we ran up, armed with lance and
+buckler, and, drunk with the bitter wine of anger, we gave them battle,
+man standing to man and rage distorting our lips.[119] A hail of arrows
+hid the sky. However, by the help of the gods, we drove off the foe
+towards evening. Before the battle an owl had flown over our army.[120]
+Then we pursued them with our lance point in their loins as one hunts the
+tunny-fish; they fled and we stung them in the jaw and in the eyes, so
+that even now the barbarians tell each other that there is nothing in the
+world more to be feared than the Attic wasp.
+
+Oh! at that time I was terrible, I feared nothing; forth on my galleys I
+went in search of my foe and subjected him.[121] Then we never thought of
+rounding fine phrases, we never dreamt of calumny; 'twas who should prove
+the strongest rower. And thus we took many a town from the Medes,[122]
+and 'tis to us that Athens owes the tributes that our young men thieve
+to-day.
+
+Look well at us, and you will see that we have all the character and
+habits of the wasp. Firstly, if roused, no beings are more irascible,
+more relentless than we are. In all other things, too, we act like wasps.
+We collect in swarms, in a kind of nests,[123] and some go a-judging with
+the Archon,[124] some with the Eleven,[125] others at the Odeon;[126]
+there are yet others, who hardly move at all, like the grubs in the
+cells, but remain glued to the walls[127] and bent double to the ground.
+We also pay full attention to the discovery of all sorts of means of
+existing and sting the first who comes, so as to live at his expense.
+Finally, we have among us drones,[128] who have no sting and who, without
+giving themselves the least trouble, seize on our revenues as they flow
+past them and devour them. 'Tis this that grieves us most of all, to see
+men who have never served or held either lance or oar in defence of their
+country, enriching themselves at our expense without ever raising a
+blister on their hands. In short, I give it as my deliberate opinion that
+in future every citizen not possessed of a sting shall not receive the
+triobolus.
+
+PHILOCLEON. As long as I live, I will never give up this cloak; 'tis the
+one I wore in that battle[129] when Boreas delivered us from such fierce
+attacks,
+
+BDELYCLEON. You do not know what is good for you.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! I know not how to use fine clothing! T'other day, when
+cramming myself with fried fish, I dropped so many grease spots that I
+had to pay three obols to the cleaner.
+
+BDELYCLEON. At least have a try, since you have once for all handed the
+care for your well-being over to me.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Very well then! what must I do?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Take off your cloak, and put on this tunic in its stead.
+
+PHILOCLEON. 'Twas well worth while to beget and bring up children, so
+that this one should now wish to choke me.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come, take this tunic and put it on without so much talk.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Great gods! what sort of a cursed garment is this?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Some call it a pelisse, others a Persian cloak.[130]
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! I thought it was a wraprascal like those made at
+Thymaetia.[131]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Pray, how should you know such garments? 'Tis only at Sardis
+you could have seen them, and you have never been there.
+
+PHILOCLEON. I' faith, no! but it seems to me exactly like the mantle
+Morychus[132] sports.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Not at all; I tell you they are woven at Ecbatana.
+
+PHILOCLEON. What! are there woollen ox-guts[133] then at Ecbatana?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Whatever are you talking about? These are woven by the
+Barbarians at great cost. I am certain this pelisse has consumed more
+than a talent of wool.[134]
+
+PHILOCLEON. It should be called wool-waster then instead of pelisse.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come, father, just hold still for a moment and put it on.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! horrors! what a waft of heat the hussy wafts up my nose!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Will you have done with this fooling?
+
+PHILOCLEON. No, by Zeus! if need be, I prefer you should put me in the
+oven.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come! I will put it round you. There!
+
+PHILOCLEON. At all events, bring out a crook.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Why, whatever for?
+
+PHILOCLEON. To drag me out of it before I am quite melted.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Now take off those wretched clogs and put on these nice
+Laconian slippers.
+
+PHILOCLEON. I put on odious slippers made by our foes! Never!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come! put your foot in and push hard. Quick!
+
+PHILOCLEON. 'Tis ill done of you. You want me to put my foot on Laconian
+ground.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Now the other.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! no, not that one; one of its toes holds the Laconians in
+horror.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Positively you must.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Alas! alas! Then I shall have no chilblains in my old
+age.[135]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Now, hurry up and get them on; and now imitate the easy
+effeminate gait of the rich. See, like this.
+
+PHILOCLEON. There!... Look at my get-up and tell me which rich man I most
+resemble in my walk.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Why, you look like a garlic plaster on a boil.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! I am longing to swagger and sway my rump about.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Now, will you know how to talk gravely with well-informed men
+of good class?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Undoubtedly.
+
+BDELYCLEON. What will you say to them?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh, lots of things. First of all I shall say, that
+Lamia,[136] seeing herself caught, let fly a fart; then, that Cardopion
+and her mother....
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come, no fabulous tales, pray! talk of realities, of domestic
+facts, as is usually done.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! I know something that is indeed most domestic. Once upon
+a time there was a rat and a cat....
+
+BDELYCLEON. "Oh, you ignorant fool," as Theagenes said[137] to the
+scavenger in a rage. Are you going to talk of cats and rats among
+high-class people?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Then what should I talk about?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Tell some dignified story. Relate how you were sent on a
+solemn mission with Androcles and Clisthenes.
+
+PHILOCLEON. On a mission! never in my life, except once to Paros,[138] a
+job which brought me in two obols a day.
+
+BDELYCLEON. At least say, that you have just seen Ephudion making good
+play in the pancratium[139] with Ascondas and, that despite his age and
+his white hair, he is still robust in loin and arm and flank and that his
+chest is a very breastplate.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Stop! stop! what nonsense! Who ever contested at the
+pancratium with a breast-plate on?
+
+BDELYCLEON. That is how well-behaved folk like to talk. But another
+thing. When at wine, it would be fitting to relate some good story of
+your youthful days. What is your most brilliant feat?
+
+PHILOCLEON. My best feat? Ah! 'twas when I stole Ergasion's vine-props.
+
+BDELYCLEON. You and your vine-props! you'll be the death of me! Tell of
+one of your boar-hunts or of when you coursed the hare. Talk about some
+torch-race you were in; tell of some deed of daring.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! my most daring deed was when, quite a young man still, I
+prosecuted Phayllus, the runner, for defamation, and he was condemned by
+a majority of two votes.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Enough of that! Now recline there, and practise the bearing
+that is fitting at table in society.
+
+PHILOCLEON. How must I recline? Tell me quick!
+
+BDELYCLEON. In an elegant style.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Like this?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Not at all.
+
+PHILOCLEON. How then?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Spread your knees on the tapestries and give your body the
+most easy curves, like those taught in the gymnasium. Then praise some
+bronze vase, survey the ceiling, admire the awning stretched over the
+court. Water is poured over our hands; the tables are spread; we sup and,
+after ablution, we now offer libations to the gods.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But, by Zeus! this supper is but a dream, it appears!
+
+BDELYCLEON. The flute-player has finished the prelude. The guests are
+Theorus, Aeschines, Phanus, Cleon, Acestor;[140] and beside this last, I
+don't know who else. You are with them. Shall you know exactly how to
+take up the songs that are started?
+
+PHILOCLEON. Better than any born mountaineer of Attica.
+
+BDELYCLEON. That we shall see. Suppose me to be Cleon. I am the first to
+begin the song of Harmodius, and you take it up: "There never was yet
+seen in Athens ...
+
+PHILOCLEON. ... such a rogue or such a thief."[141]
+
+BDELYCLEON. Why, you wretched man, 'twill be the end of you if you sing
+that. He will vow your ruin, your destruction, to chase you out of the
+country.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Well! then I shall answer his threats with another song:
+"With your madness for supreme power, you will end by overthrowing the
+city, which even now totters towards ruin."
+
+BDELYCLEON. And when Theorus, prone at Cleon's feet, takes his hand and
+sings, "Like Admetus, love those who are brave,"[142] what reply will you
+make him?
+
+PHILOCLEON. I shall sing, "I know not how to play the fox, nor call
+myself the friend of both parties."
+
+BDELYCLEON. Then comes the turn of Aeschines, the son of Sellus, and a
+well-trained and clever musician, who will sing, "Good things and riches
+for Clitagoras and me and eke for the Thessalians!"
+
+PHILOCLEON. "The two of us have squandered a deal between us."
+
+BDELYCLEON. At this game you seem at home. But come, we will go and dine
+with Philoctemon.--Slave! slave! place our dinner in a basket, and let us
+go for a good long drinking bout.
+
+PHILOCLEON. By no means, it is too dangerous; for after drinking, one
+breaks in doors, one comes to blows, one batters everything. Anon, when
+the wine is slept off, one is forced to pay.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Not if you are with decent people. Either they undertake to
+appease the offended person or, better still, you say something witty,
+you tell some comic story, perhaps one of those you have yourself heard
+at table, either in Aesop's style or in that of Sybaris; all laugh and
+the trouble is ended.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Faith! 'tis worth while learning many stories then, if you
+are thus not punished for the ill you do. But come, no more delay!
+
+CHORUS. More than once have I given proof of cunning and never of
+stupidity, but how much more clever is Amynias, the son of Sellus and of
+the race of forelock-wearers; him we saw one day coming to dine with
+Leogaras,[143] bringing as his share one apple and a pomegranate, and
+bear in mind he was as hungry as Antiphon.[144] He went on an embassy to
+Pharsalus,[145] and there he lived solely among the Thessalian
+mercenaries;[146] indeed, is he not the vilest of mercenaries himself?
+
+Oh! blessed, oh! fortunate Automenes, how enviable is your fortune! You
+have three sons, the most industrious in the world; one is the friend of
+all, a very able man, the first among the lyre-players, the favourite of
+the Graces. The second is an actor, and his talent is beyond all praise.
+As for Ariphrades, he is by far the most gifted; his father would swear
+to me, that without any master whatever and solely through the
+spontaneous effort of his happy nature, he taught himself the use of his
+tongue in the lewd places[147] where he spends the whole of his time.
+
+Some have said that I and Cleon were reconciled. This is the truth of the
+matter: Cleon was harassing me, persecuting and belabouring me in every
+way; and, when I was being fleeced, the public laughed at seeing me
+uttering such loud cries; not that they cared about me, but simply
+curious to know whether, when trodden down by my enemy, I would not hurl
+at him some taunt. Noticing this, I have played the wheedler a bit; but
+now, look! the prop is deceiving the vine![148]
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! tortoises! happy to have so hard a skin, thrice happy to
+carry this roof that protects your backs! Oh! creatures full of sense!
+what a happy thought to cover your bodies with this shell, which shields
+it from blows! As for me, I can no longer move; the stick has so
+belaboured my body.
+
+CHORUS. Eh, what's the matter, child? for, old as he may be, one has the
+right to call anyone a child who has let himself be beaten.
+
+XANTHIAS. Alas! my master is really the worst of all plagues. He was the
+most drunk of all the guests, and yet among them were Hippyllus,
+Antiphon, Lycon, Lysistratus, Theophrastus and Phrynichus. But he was a
+hundred times more insolent than any. As soon as he had stuffed himself
+with a host of good dishes, he began to leap and spring, to laugh and to
+let wind like a little ass well blown out with barley. Then he set to
+a-beating me with all his heart, shouting, "Slave! slave!" Lysistratus,
+as soon as he saw him, let fly this comparison at him. "Old fellow," said
+he, "you resemble one of the scum assuming the airs of a rich man or a
+stupid ass that has broken loose from its stable." "As for you," bawled
+the other at the top of his voice, "you are like a grasshopper,[149]
+whose cloak is worn to the thread, or like Sthenelus[150] after his
+clothes had been sold." All applauded excepting Theophrastus, who made a
+grimace as behoved a well-bred man like him. The old man called to him,
+"Hi! tell me then what you have to be proud of? Not so much mouthing,
+you, who so well know how to play the buffoon and to lick-spittle the
+rich!" 'Twas thus he insulted each in turn with the grossest of jests,
+and he reeled off a thousand of the most absurd and ridiculous speeches.
+At last, when he was thoroughly drunk, he started towards here, striking
+everyone he met. Hold, here he comes reeling along. I will be off for
+fear of his blows.
+
+PHILOCLEON.[151] Halt! and let everyone begone, or I shall do an evil
+turn to some of those who insist on following me. Clear off, rascals, or
+I shall roast you with this torch!
+
+BDELYCLEON. We shall all make you smart to-morrow for your youthful
+pranks. We shall come in a body to summon you to justice.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ho! ho! summon me! what old women's babble! Know that I can
+no longer bear to hear even the name of suits. Ha! ha! ha! this is what
+pleases _me_, "Down with the urns!" Won't you begone? Down with the
+dicasts! away with them, away with them! (_To the flute-girl._) Mount up
+there, my little gilded cock-chafer; seize hold of this rope's end in
+your hand.[152] Hold it tight, but have a care; the rope's a bit old and
+worn, but it loves a nice rubbing still. Do you see how opportunely I got
+you away from the solicitations of those fellows, who wanted to make you
+work their tools in your mouth? You therefore owe me this return to
+gratify mine by masturbating it. But will you pay the debt? Oh! I know
+well you will not even try; you will play with me, you will laugh
+heartily at my poor old weapon as you have done at many another man's.
+And yet, if you would not be a naughty girl, I would redeem you, when my
+son is dead, and you should be my concubine, my little cuntling. At
+present I am not my own master; I am very young and am watched very
+closely. My dear son never lets me out of his sight; 'tis an unbearable
+creature, who would quarter a thread and skin a flint; he is afraid I
+should get lost, for I am his only father. But here he comes running
+towards us. But be quick, don't stir, hold these torches. I am going to
+play him a young man's trick, the same as he played me before I was
+initiated into the mysteries.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Oh! oh! you debauched old dotard! you desire and, meseems,
+you love pretty baggages; but, by Apollo, it shall not be with impunity!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! you would be very glad to eat a lawsuit in vinegar, you
+would.
+
+BDELYCLEON. 'Tis a rascally trick to steal the flute-girl away from the
+other guests.
+
+PHILOCLEON. What flute-girl? Are you distraught, as if you had just
+returned from Pluto?
+
+BDELYCLEON. By Zeus! But here is the Dardanian wench in person.[153]
+
+PHILOCLEON. Nonsense. This is a torch that I have lit in the public
+square in honour of the gods.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Is this a torch?
+
+PHILOCLEON. A torch? Certainly. Do you not see it is of several different
+colours?
+
+BDELYCLEON. And what is that black part in the middle?[154]
+
+PHILOCLEON. 'Tis the pitch running out while it burns.
+
+BDELYCLEON. And there, on the other side, surely that is a girl's bottom?
+
+PHILOCLEON. No. 'Tis a small bit of the torch, that projects.
+
+BDELYCLEON. What do you mean? what bit? Hi! you woman! come here!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Ah! ah! What do you want to do?
+
+BDELYCLEON. To take her from you and lead her away. You are too much worn
+out and can do nothing.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Hear me! One day, at Olympia, I saw Euphudion boxing bravely
+against Ascondas;[155] he was already aged, and yet with a blow from his
+fist he knocked down his young opponent. So beware lest I blacken _your_
+eyes.
+
+BDELYCLEON. By Zeus! you have Olympia at your finger-ends!
+
+A BAKER'S WIFE (_to Bdelycleon_). Come to my help, I beg you, in the name
+of the gods! This cursed man, when striking out right and left with his
+torch, knocked over ten loaves worth an obolus apiece, and then, to cap
+the deal, four others.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Do you see what lawsuits you are drawing upon yourself with
+your drunkenness? You will have to plead.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh, no, no! a little pretty talk and pleasant tales will soon
+settle the matter and reconcile her with me.
+
+BAKER'S WIFE. Not so, by the goddesses twain! It shall not be said that
+you have with impunity spoilt the wares of Myrtia,[156] the daughter of
+Ancylion and Sostraté.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Listen, woman, I wish to tell you a lovely anecdote.
+
+BAKER'S WIFE. Oh! friend, no anecdotes for me, thank you.
+
+PHILOCLEON. One night Aesop was going out to supper. A drunken bitch had
+the impudence to bark near him. Aesop said to her, "Oh, bitch, bitch! you
+would do well to sell your wicked tongue and buy some wheat."
+
+BAKER'S WIFE. You make a mock of me! Very well! Be you who you like, I
+shall summons you before the market inspectors[157] for damage done to my
+business. Chaerephon[158] here shall be my witness.
+
+PHILOCLEON. But just listen, here's another will perhaps please you
+better. Lasus and Simonides[159] were contesting against each other for
+the singing prize. Lasus said, "Damn me if I care."
+
+BAKER'S WIFE. Ah! really, did he now!
+
+PHILOCLEON. As for you, Chaerephon, _can_ you be witness to this woman,
+who looks as pale and tragic as Ino when she throws herself from her
+rock[160] ... at the feet of Euripides?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Here, methinks, comes another to summons you; _he_ has his
+witness too. Ah! unhappy indeed we are!
+
+ACCUSER. I summons you, old man, for outrage.
+
+BDELYCLEON. For outrage? Oh! in the name of the gods, do not summons him!
+I will be answerable for him; name the penalty and I will be more
+grateful still.
+
+PHILOCLEON. I ask for nothing better than to be reconciled with him; for
+I admit I struck him and threw stones at him. So, first come here. Will
+you leave it in my hands to name the indemnity I must pay, if I promise
+you my friendship as well, or will you fix it yourself?
+
+ACCUSER. Fix it; I like neither lawsuits nor disputes.
+
+PHILOCLEON. A man of Sybaris[161] fell from his chariot and wounded his
+head most severely; he was a very poor driver. One of his friends came up
+to him and said, "Every man to his trade." Well then, go you to
+Pittalus[162] to get mended.
+
+BDELYCLEON. You are incorrigible.
+
+ACCUSER (_to his witness_). At all events, make a note of his reply.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Listen, instead of going off so abruptly. A woman at Sybaris
+broke a box.
+
+ACCUSER (_to his witness_). I again ask you to witness this.
+
+PHILOCLEON. The box therefore had the fact attested, but the woman said,
+"Never worry about witnessing the matter, but hurry off to buy a cord to
+tie it together with; 'twill be the more sensible course."
+
+ACCUSER. Oh! go on with your ribaldry until the Archon calls the case.
+
+BDELYCLEON (_to Philocleon_). No, by Demeter! you stay here no longer! I
+take you and carry you off.
+
+PHILOCLEON. And what for?
+
+BDELYCLEON. What for? I shall carry you to the house; else there would
+not be enough witnesses for the accusers.
+
+PHILOCLEON. One day at Delphi, Aesop ...
+
+BDELYCLEON. I don't care a fig for that.
+
+PHILOCLEON. ... was accused of having stolen a sacred vase. But he
+replied, that the horn beetle ... (_Philocleon goes on with his fable
+while Bdelycleon is carrying him off the scene by main force._)
+
+BDELYCLEON. Oh, dear, dear! You drive me crazy with your horn-beetle.
+
+CHORUS. I envy you your happiness, old man. What a contrast to his former
+frugal habits and his very hard life! Taught now in quite another school,
+he will know nothing but the pleasures of ease. Perhaps he will jib at
+it, for indeed 'tis difficult to renounce what has become one's second
+nature. However, many have done it, and adopting the ideas of others,
+have changed their use and wont. As for Philocleon's son, I, like all
+wise and judicious men, cannot sufficiently praise his filial tenderness
+and his tact. Never have I met a more amiable nature, and I have
+conceived the greatest fondness for him. How he triumphed on every point
+in his discussion with his father, when he wanted to bring him back to
+more worthy and honourable tastes!
+
+XANTHIAS. By Bacchus! 'Tis some Evil Genius has brought this unbearable
+disorder into our house. The old man, full up with wine and excited by
+the sound of the flute, is so delighted, so enraptured, that he spends
+the night executing the old dances that Thespis first produced on the
+stage,[163] and just now he offered to prove to the modern tragedians, by
+disputing with them for the dancing prize, that they are nothing but a
+lot of old dotards.
+
+PHILOCLEON. "Who loiters at the door of the vestibule?"[164]
+
+XANTHIAS. Here comes our pest, our plague!
+
+PHILOCLEON. Let down the barriers.[165] The dance is now to begin.
+
+XANTHIAS. Or rather the madness.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Impetuous movement already twists and racks my sides. How my
+nostrils wheeze! how my back cracks!
+
+XANTHIAS. Go and fill yourself with hellebore.[166]
+
+PHILOCLEON. Phrynichus is as bold as a cock and terrifies his rivals.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! oh! have a care he does not kick you.
+
+PHILOCLEON. His leg kicks out sky-high, and his arse gapes open.[167]
+
+XANTHIAS. Do have a care.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Look how easily my leg-joints move.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Great gods! What does all this mean? Is it actual, downright
+madness?
+
+PHILOCLEON. And now I summon and challenge my rivals. If there be a
+tragic poet who pretends to be a skilful dancer, let him come and contest
+the matter with me. Is there one? Is there _not_ one?
+
+BDELYCLEON. Here comes one, and one only.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Who is the wretch?
+
+BDELYCLEON. 'Tis the younger son of Carcinus.[168]
+
+PHILOCLEON. I will crush him to nothing; in point of keeping time, I will
+knock him out, for he knows nothing of rhythm.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Ah! ah! here comes his brother too, another tragedian, and
+another son of Carcinus.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Him I will devour for my dinner.
+
+BDELYCLEON. Oh! ye gods! I see nothing but crabs.[169] Here is yet
+another son of Carcinus.
+
+PHILOCLEON. What is't comes here?  A shrimp or a spider?[170]
+
+BDELYCLEON. 'Tis a crab,[171]--a crabkin, the smallest of its kind; he
+writes tragedies.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Oh! Carcinus, how proud you should be of your brood! What a
+crowd of kinglets have come swooping down here!
+
+BDELYCLEON. Come, come, my poor father, you will have to measure yourself
+against them.
+
+PHILOCLEON. Have pickle prepared for seasoning them, if I am bound to
+prove the victor.
+
+CHORUS. Let us stand out of the way a little, so that they may twirl at
+their ease. Come, illustrious children of this inhabitant of the briny,
+brothers of the shrimps, skip on the sand and the shore of the barren
+sea; show us the lightning whirls and twirls of your nimble limbs.
+Glorious offspring of Phrynichus,[172] let fly your kicks, so that the
+spectators may be overjoyed at seeing your legs so high in air. Twist,
+twirl, tap your bellies, kick your legs to the sky. Here comes your
+famous father, the ruler of the sea,[173] delighted to see his three
+lecherous kinglets.[174] Go on with your dancing, if it pleases you, but
+as for us, we shall not join you. Lead us promptly off the stage, for
+never a Comedy yet was seen where the Chorus finished off with a dance.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FINIS OF "THE WASPS"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Footnotes:
+
+[1] Meaning, Bdelycleon will thrash you if you do not keep a good watch
+on his father.
+
+[2] The Corybantes, priests of Cybelé, comported themselves like madmen
+in the celebration of their mysteries and made the air resound with the
+the noise of their drums.
+
+[3] Cleonymus had shown himself equally cowardly on all occasions; he is
+frequently referred to by Aristophanes, both in this and other comedies.
+
+[4] The cloak and the staff were the insignia of the dicasts; the poet
+describes them as sheep, because they were Cleon's servile tools.
+
+[5] An allusion to Cleon, who was a tanner.
+
+[6] In Greek, [Greek: d_emos] ([Greek: d_emós], _fat_; [Greek: d_êmos],
+_people_) means both _fat_ and _people_.
+
+[7] A tool of Cleon's; he had been sent on an embassy to Persia (_vide_
+'The Acharnians'). The crow is a thief and rapacious, just as Theorus
+was.
+
+[8] In his life of Alcibiades, Plutarch mentions this defect in his
+speech; or it may have been a 'fine gentleman' affectation.
+
+[9] Among the Greeks, _going to the crows_ was equivalent to our _going
+to the devil_.
+
+[10] No doubt the fee generally given to the street diviners who were
+wont to interpret dreams.
+
+[11] Coarse buffoonery was welcomed at Megara, where, by the by, it is
+said that Comedy had its birth.
+
+[12] To gain the favour of the audience, the Comic poets often caused
+fruit and cakes to be thrown to them.
+
+[13] The gluttony of Heracles was a constant subject of jest with the
+Comic poets.
+
+[14] The incident of Pylos (see 'The Knights').
+
+[15] The Greek word for _friend of strangers_ is [Greek: philoxenos],
+which happened also to be the name of one of the vilest debauchees in
+Athens.
+
+[16] The tribunal of the Heliasts came next in dignity only to the
+Areopagus. The dicasts, or jurymen, generally numbered 500; at times it
+would call in the assistance of one or two other tribunals, and the
+number of judges would then rise to 1000 or even 1500.
+
+[17] A water-clock, used in the courts for limiting the time of the
+pleaders.
+
+[18] The pebble was held between the thumb and two fingers, in the same
+way as one would hold a pinch of incense.
+
+[19] A young Athenian of great beauty, also mentioned by Plato in his
+'Gorgias.'  Lovers were font of writing the name of the object of their
+adoration on the walls (see 'The Acharnians').
+
+[20] [Greek: K_emos], the Greek term for the funnel-shaped top of the
+voting urn, into which the judges dropped their voting pebbles.
+
+[21] Racine has introduced this incident with some modification into his
+'Plaideurs.'
+
+[22] Although called _Heliasts_ ([Greek: H_elios], the sun), the judges
+sat under cover. One of the columns that supported the roof is here
+referred to.
+
+[23] The juryman gave his vote for condemnation by tracing a line
+horizontally across a waxed tablet. This was one method in use; another
+was by means of pebbles placed in one or other of two voting urns.
+
+[24] Used for the purpose of voting. There were two urns, one for each of
+the two opinions, and each heliast placed a pebble in one of them.
+
+[25] The Heliast's badge of office.
+
+[26] To prepare him for initiation into the mysteries of the Corybantes.
+
+[27] Who pretended to cure madness; they were priests of Cybelé.
+
+[28] The sacred instrument of the Corybantes.
+
+[29] _Friend of Cleon,_ who had raised the daily salary of the Heliasts
+to three obols.
+
+[30] _Enemy of Cleon._
+
+[31] The smoke of fig-wood is very acrid, like the character of the
+Heliasts.
+
+[32] Used for closing the chimney, when needed.
+
+[33] Which had been stretched all round the courtyard to prevent his
+escape.
+
+[34] Market-day.
+
+[35] He enters the courtyard, returning with the ass, under whose belly
+Philocleon is clinging.
+
+[36] In the Odyssey (Bk. IX) Homer makes his hero, 'the wily' Odysseus,
+escape from the Cyclops' cave by clinging on under a ram's belly, which
+slips past its blinded master without noticing the trick played on him.
+Odysseus, when asked his name by the Cyclops, replies, _Outis_, Nobody.
+
+[37] A name formed out of two Greek words, meaning, _running away on a
+horse_.
+
+[38] The story goes that a traveller who had hired an ass, having placed
+himself in its shadow to escape the heat of the sun, was sued by the
+driver, who had pretended that he had let the ass, not but its shadow;
+hence the Greek proverb, _to quarrel about the shade of an ass_, i.e.
+about nothing at all.
+
+[39] When you inherit from me.
+
+[40] There is a similar incident in the 'Plaideurs.'
+
+[41] A Macedonian town in the peninsula of Pallené; it had shaken off the
+Athenian yoke and was not retaken for two years.
+
+[42] A disciple of Thespis, who even in his infancy devoted himself to
+the dramatic art. He was the first to introduce female characters on the
+stage. He flourished about 500 B.C., having won his first prize for
+Tragedy in 511 B.C., twelve years before Aeschylus.
+
+[43] Originally subjected to Sparta by Pausanias in 478 B.C., it was
+retaken by Cimon in 471, or forty-eight years previous to the production
+of 'The Wasps.'  The old Heliasts refer to this latter event.
+
+[44] An Athenian general, who had been defeated when sent to Sicily with
+a fleet to the succour of Leontini; no doubt Cleon had charged him with
+treachery.
+
+[45] The Samians were in league with the Persians, but a certain
+Carystion betrayed the plot, and thanks to this the Athenians were able
+to retake Samos before the island had obtained help from Asia.
+
+[46] The towns of Thrace, up to that time the faithful allies of Athens,
+were beginning to throw off her yoke.
+
+[47] Who fulfilled the office of president.
+
+[48] Meaning, "Will it only remain for us to throw ourselves into the
+water?"  Hellé, taken by a ram across the narrow strait, called the
+Hellespont after her name, fell into the waves and was drowned.
+
+[49] He is a prisoner inside, and speaks through the closed doors.
+
+[50] This boiling, acid pickle reminds him of the fiery, acrid temper of
+the heliasts.
+
+[51] A name invented for the occasion; it really means, _Cleon who holds
+the people in his snares_.
+
+[52] When he entered Troy as a spy.
+
+[53] The island of Naxos was taken by Cimon, in consequence of sedition
+in the town of Naxos, about fifty years before the production of 'The
+Wasps.'
+
+[54] One of the titles under which Artemis, the goddess of the chase, was
+worshipped.
+
+[55] Demeter and Persephone. This was an accusation frequently brought
+against people in Athens.
+
+[56] An orator of great violence of speech and gesture.
+
+[57] For Philocleon, the titulary god was Lycus, the son of Pandion, the
+King of Athens, because a statue stood erected to him close to the spot
+where the tribunals sat, and because he recognized no other fatherland
+but the tribunals.
+
+[58] A debauchee and an embezzler of public funds, already mentioned a
+little above.
+
+[59] Aristophanes speaks of him in 'The Birds' as a traitor and as an
+alien who usurped the rights of the city.
+
+[60] A Greek proverb signifying "Much ado about nothing."
+
+[61] A Spartan general, who perished in the same battle as Cleon, before
+Amphipolis, in 422 B.C.
+
+[62] Meaning, the mere beginnings of any matter.
+
+[63] This 'figure of love'--woman atop of the man--is known in Greek as
+[Greek: hippos] (Latin _equus_, 'the horse'); note the play upon words
+with the name Hippias.
+
+[64] A tragic poet, who was a great lover of good cheer, it appears.
+
+[65] Old men, who carried olive branches in the processions of the
+Panathenaea. Those whose great age or infirmity forbade their being used
+for any other purpose were thus employed.
+
+[66] An obscene pun. [Greek: Choiros] means both _a sow_ and the female
+organ.
+
+[67] A celebrated actor.
+
+[68] There were two tragedies named 'Niobé,' one by Aeschylus and the
+other by Sophocles, both now lost.
+
+[69] A double strap, which flute-players applied to their lips and was
+said to give softness to the tones.
+
+[70] The shell was fixed over the seal to protect it.
+
+[71] A calumniator and a traitor (see 'The Acharnians').
+
+[72] Cleonymus, whose name the poet modifies, so as to introduce the idea
+of a flatterer ([Greek: kolax]).
+
+[73] Another flatterer, a creature of Cleon's.
+
+[74] Athenian poor, having no purse, would put small coins into mouth for
+safety. We know that the triobolus was the daily of the judges. Its value
+was about 4-1/2 d.
+
+[75] A jar of wine, which he had bought with his pay.
+
+[76] A jar with two long ears or handles, in this way resembling an ass.
+
+[77] A well-known flute-player.
+
+[78] We have already seen that when accepting his son's challenge he
+swore to fall upon his sword if defeated in the debate.
+
+[79] Pericles had first introduced the custom of sending poor citizens,
+among whom the land was divided, into the conquered countries. The island
+of Aegina had been mainly divided in this way among Athenian colonists.
+
+[80] The choenix was a measure corresponding to our quart.
+
+[81] A verse borrowed from Euripides' 'Bellerophon.'
+
+[82] i.e. a legislator. The name given in Athens to the last six of the
+nine Archons, because it was their special duty to see the laws
+respected.
+
+[83] Mentioned both in 'The Acharnians' and 'The Knights.'
+
+[84] The drachma was worth six obols, or twice the pay of a heliast.
+
+[85] We have already seen that the Athenians sometimes kept their small
+money in their mouth.
+
+[86] Which were placed in the courts; dogs were sacrificed on them.
+
+[87] As already stated, the statue of Lycus stood close to the place
+where the tribunals sat.
+
+[88] The barrier in the Heliaea, which separated the heliasts from the
+public.
+
+[89] The whole of this comic trial of the dog Labes is an allusion to the
+general Laches, already mentioned, who had failed in Sicily. He was
+accused of taking bribes of money from the Sicilians.
+
+[90] To serve for a bar.
+
+[91] This was a customary formula, [Greek: aph' Estias archou], "begin
+from Hestia," first adore Vesta, the god of the family hearth. In similar
+fashion, the Romans said, _ab Jove principium_.
+
+[92] For conviction and acquittal.
+
+[93] On which the sentence was entered.
+
+[94] No doubt the stew-pot and the wine-jar.
+
+[95] The _article_ Bdelycleon had brought.--The clepsydra was a kind of
+water-clock; the other vessel is compared to it, because of the liquid in
+it.
+
+[96] A title of Apollo, worshipped as the god of healing.
+
+[97] A title of Apollo, because of the sacrifices, which the Athenians
+offered him in the streets, from [Greek: aguia], a street.
+
+[98] Bdelycleon.
+
+[99] The formula used by the president before declaring the sitting of
+the Court opened.
+
+[100] That is, by way of fine.
+
+[101] A reference to the peculations Laches was supposed to have
+practised in keeping back part of the pay of the Athenian sailors engaged
+in the Sicilian Expedition.
+
+[102] The [Greek: Thesmothetai] at Athens were the six junior Archons,
+who judged cases assigned to no special Court, presided at the allotment
+of magistrates, etc.
+
+[103] Thucydides, son of Milesias, when accused by Pericles, could not
+say a word in his own defence. One would have said his tongue was
+paralysed. He was banished.--He must not be confounded with Thucydides
+the historian, whose exile took place after the production of 'The
+Wasps.'
+
+[104] When the judges were touched by the pleading of the orator and were
+decided on acquittal, they said to the defending advocate, "_Cease
+speaking, descend from the rostrum._"
+
+[105] There were two urns, one called that of Conviction, the other of
+Acquittal.
+
+[106] Meaning, that he had at first produced pieces under the name of
+other poets, such as Callistrates and Phidonides.
+
+[107] Eurycles, an Athenian diviner, surnamed the Engastromythes ([Greek:
+muthos], speech, [Greek: en gastri], in the belly), because he was
+believed to be inspired by a genius within him.--The same name was also
+given to the priestesses of Apollo, who spoke their oracles without
+moving their lips.
+
+[108] Some poets misused their renown as a means of seduction among young
+men.
+
+[109] Cleon, whom he attacked in 'The Knights,' the first Comedy that
+Aristophanes had produced in his own name.
+
+[110] Cynna, like Salabaccha, was a shameless courtesan of the day.
+
+[111] The lamiae were mysterious monsters, to whom the ancients ascribed
+the most varied forms. They were depicted most frequently with the face
+and bosom of a woman and the body of a serpent. Here Aristophanes endows
+them with organs of virility. It was said that the blood of young men had
+a special attraction for them. These lines, abusive of Cleon, occur again
+in the 'Peace,' II. 738-42.
+
+[112] Socrates and the sophists, with whom the poet confounds him in his
+attacks.
+
+[113] He likens them to vampires.
+
+[114] The third Archon, whose duty was the protection of strangers. All
+cases involving the rights of citizenship were tried before him. These
+were a frequent cause of lawsuit at Athens.
+
+[115] 'The Clouds' had not been well received.
+
+[116] Aristophanes lets it be understood that the refusal to crown him
+arose from the fact that he had been too bold in his attack.
+
+[117] To perfume their caskets, etc., the Ancients placed scented fruit,
+especially oranges, in them.
+
+[118] The pastimes of love.
+
+[119] At Marathon, where the Athenians defeated the Persian invaders, 490
+B.C. The battle-field is a plain on the north-east coast of Attica, about
+twenty-seven miles from Athens.
+
+[120] A favourable omen, of course. The owl was the bird of Athené.
+
+[121] An allusion to Cimon's naval victories.
+
+[122] The Cyclades islands and many towns on the coast of Asia Minor.
+
+[123] The tribunals.
+
+[124] The six last Archons presided over the civil courts and were styled
+Thesmothetae (see above).
+
+[125] Magistrates, who had charge of criminal cases.
+
+[126] Built by Pericles. Musical contests were held there. Here also took
+place distributions of flour, and the presence of the magistrates was no
+doubt necessary to decide on the spot any disputes that might arise
+regarding this.
+
+[127] This, says the Scholiast, refers to magistrates appointed for the
+upkeep of the walls. They were selected by ballot from amongst the
+general body of Heliasts.
+
+[128] The demagogues and their flatterers.
+
+[129] The battle of Artemisium on the Euboean coast; a terrible storm
+arose and almost destroyed the barbarian fleet, while sparing that of the
+Athenians.
+
+[130] A mantle trimmed with fur.
+
+[131] A rural deme of Attica. Rough coats were made there, formed of
+skins sewn together.
+
+[132] An effeminate poet.
+
+[133] He compares the thick, shaggy stuff of the pelisse to the
+intestines of a bullock, which have a sort of crimped and curled look.
+
+[134] An Attic talent was equal to about fifty-seven pounds avoirdupois.
+
+[135] He grumbles over his own good fortune, as old men will.
+
+[136] Lamia, the daughter of Belus and Libya, was loved by Zeus. Heré
+deprived her of her beauty and instilled her with a passion for blood;
+she is said to have plucked babes from their mothers' breast to devour
+them. Weary of her crimes, the gods turned her into a beast of prey.
+
+[137] Theagenes, of the Acharnian deme, was afflicted with a weakness
+which caused him to be constantly letting off loud, stinking farts, even
+in public--the cause of many gibes on the part of the Comic poets and his
+contemporaries.
+
+[138] He had been sent on a mission as an armed ambassador, i.e. as a
+common soldier, whose pay was two obols.
+
+[139] The [Greek: pankration] was a combined exercise, including both
+wrestling and boxing.
+
+[140] All these names have been already mentioned.
+
+[141] Each time Philocleon takes up the song with words that are a satire
+on the guest who begins the strain.
+
+[142] King Admetus (Euripides' 'Alcestis') had suffered his devoted wife
+Alcestis to die to save his life when ill to death. Heracles, however, to
+repay former benefits received, descended into Hades and rescued Alcestis
+from Pluto's clutches.
+
+[143] A famous epicure, the Lucullus of Athens (see 'The Acharnians').
+
+[144] A parasite renowned for his gluttony.
+
+[145] A town in Thessaly.
+
+[146] Because of his poverty.
+
+[147] Four lines in 'The Knights' describe the infamous habits of
+Ariphrades in detail.
+
+[148] That is, it ceases to support it; Aristophanes does the same to
+Cleon.
+
+[149] Referring to Lysistratus' leanness.
+
+[150] A tragic actor, whose wardrobe had been sold up, so the story went,
+by his creditors.
+
+[151] He enters, followed closely by the persons he has ill-used, and
+leading a flute-girl by the hand.
+
+[152] Meaning his penis.
+
+[153] Dardanus, a district of Asia Minor, north of the Troad, supplied
+many flute-girls to the cities of Greece.
+
+[154] Pointing to the flute-girl's _motte_.
+
+[155] He tells his son the very story the latter had taught him.
+
+[156] The name of the baker's wife.
+
+[157] Or Agoranomi, who numbered ten at Athens.
+
+[158] The disciple of Socrates.
+
+[159] Lasus, a musician and dithyrambic poet, born about 500 B.C. in
+Argolis, was the rival of Simonides and thought himself his superior.
+
+[160] Ino, the daughter of Cadmus and Harmonia. Being pursued by her
+husband, Athamas, whom the Fury Tisiphoné had driven mad, she threw
+herself into the sea with Melicerta, whereupon they were both changed
+into sea-goddesses.--This is the subject of one of Euripides' tragedies.
+
+[161] A famous town in Magna Graecia, south coast of Italy.
+
+[162] A celebrated physician.--Philocleon means, "Instead of starting an
+action, go and have yourself cared for; that is better worth your while."
+
+[163] The dances that Thespis, the originator of Tragedy, interspersed
+with the speaking parts of his plays.
+
+[164] A verse borrowed from an unknown Tragedy.
+
+[165] As was done in the stadia when the races were to be started.
+
+[166] The ancients considered it a specific against madness.
+
+[167] Phrynichus, like all the ancient tragic writers, mingled many
+dances with his pieces.
+
+[168] Tragic poet. His three sons had also written tragedies and were
+dancers into the bargain.
+
+[169] Carcinus, by a mere transposition of the accent ([Greek:
+karkívos]), means _crab_ in Greek; hence the pun.
+
+[170] Carcinus' sons were small and thin.
+
+[171] The third son of Carcinus.
+
+[172] Meaning, the three sons of Carcinus, the dancers, because, as
+mentioned before, Phrynichus often introduced a chorus of dancers into
+his Tragedies.
+
+[173] Carcinus himself.
+
+[174] The Greek word is [Greek: triorchoi]--possessed of three testicles,
+of three-testicle power, inordinately lecherous; with the change of a
+letter ([Greek: triarchoi]) it means 'three rulers,' 'three kinglets.'
+
+
+
+
+THE BIRDS
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+The Birds' differs markedly from all the other Comedies of Aristophanes
+which have come down to us in subject and general conception. It is just
+an extravaganza pure and simple--a graceful, whimsical theme chosen
+expressly for the sake of the opportunities it afforded of bright,
+amusing dialogue, pleasing lyrical interludes, and charming displays of
+brilliant stage effects and pretty dresses. Unlike other plays of the
+same Author, there is here apparently no serious political _motif_
+underlying the surface burlesque and buffoonery.
+
+Some critics, it is true, profess to find in it a reference to the
+unfortunate Sicilian Expedition, then in progress, and a prophecy of its
+failure and the political downfall of Alcibiades. But as a matter of
+fact, the whole thing seems rather an attempt on the dramatist's part to
+relieve the overwrought minds of his fellow-citizens, anxious and
+discouraged at the unsatisfactory reports from before Syracuse, by a work
+conceived in a lighter vein than usual and mainly unconnected with
+contemporary realities.
+
+The play was produced in the year 414 B.C., just when success or failure
+in Sicily hung in the balance, though already the outlook was gloomy, and
+many circumstances pointed to impending disaster. Moreover, the public
+conscience was still shocked and perturbed over the mysterious affair of
+the mutilation of the Hermae, which had occurred immediately before the
+sailing of the fleet, and strongly suspicious of Alcibiades'
+participation in the outrage. In spite of the inherent charm of the
+subject, the splendid outbursts of lyrical poetry in some of the choruses
+and the beauty of the scenery and costumes, 'The Birds' failed to win the
+first prize. This was acclaimed to a play of Aristophanes' rival,
+Amipsias, the title of which, 'The Comastae,' _or_ 'Revellers,' "seems
+to imply that the chief interest was derived from direct allusions to the
+outrage above mentioned and to the individuals suspected to have been
+engaged in it."
+
+For this reason, which militated against its immediate success, viz. the
+absence of direct allusion to contemporary politics--there are, of
+course, incidental references here and there to topics and personages of
+the day--the play appeals perhaps more than any other of our Author's
+productions to the modern reader. Sparkling wit, whimsical fancy, poetic
+charm, are of all ages, and can be appreciated as readily by ourselves as
+by an Athenian audience of two thousand years ago, though, of course,
+much is inevitably lost "without the important adjuncts of music,
+scenery, dresses and what we may call 'spectacle' generally, which we
+know in this instance to have been on the most magnificent scale."
+
+"The plot is this. Euelpides and Pisthetaerus, two old Athenians,
+disgusted with the litigiousness, wrangling and sycophancy of their
+countrymen, resolve upon quitting Attica. Having heard of the fame of
+Epops (the hoopoe), sometime called Tereus, and now King of the Birds,
+they determine, under the direction of a raven and a jackdaw, to seek
+from him and his subject birds a city free from all care and strife."
+Arrived at the Palace of Epops, they knock, and Trochilus (the wren), in
+a state of great flutter, as he mistakes them for fowlers, opens the door
+and informs them that his Majesty is asleep. When he awakes, the
+strangers appear before him, and after listening to a long and eloquent
+harangue on the superior attractions of a residence among the birds, they
+propose a notable scheme of their own to further enhance its advantages
+and definitely secure the sovereignty of the universe now exercised by
+the gods of Olympus.
+
+The birds are summoned to meet in general council. They come flying up
+from all quarters of the heavens, and after a brief misunderstanding,
+during which they come near tearing the two human envoys to pieces, they
+listen to the exposition of the latters' plan. This is nothing less than
+the building of a new city, to be called Nephelococcygia, or
+'Cloud-cuckoo-town,' between earth and heaven, to be garrisoned and
+guarded by the birds in such a way as to intercept all communication of
+the gods with their worshippers on earth. All steam of sacrifice will be
+prevented from rising to Olympus, and the Immortals will very soon be
+starved into an acceptance of any terms proposed.
+
+The new Utopia is duly constructed, and the daring plan to secure the
+sovereignty is in a fair way to succeed. Meantime various quacks and
+charlatans, each with a special scheme for improving things, arrive from
+earth, and are one after the other exposed and dismissed. Presently
+arrives Prometheus, who informs Epops of the desperate straits to which
+the gods are by this time reduced, and advises him to push his claims and
+demand the hand of Basileia (Dominion), the handmaid of Zeus. Next an
+embassy from the Olympians appears on the scene, consisting of Heracles,
+Posidon and a god from the savage regions of the Triballians. After some
+disputation, it is agreed that all reasonable demands of the birds are to
+be granted, while Pisthetaerus is to have Basileia as his bride. The
+comedy winds up with the epithalamium in honour of the nuptials.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE BIRDS
+
+
+DRAMATIS PERSONAE
+
+EUELPIDES.
+PISTHETAERUS.
+EPOPS (the Hoopoe).
+TROCHILUS, Servant to Epops.
+PHOENICOPTERUS.
+HERALDS.
+A PRIEST.
+A POET.
+A PROPHET.
+METON, a Geometrician.
+A COMMISSIONER.
+A DEALER IN DECREES.
+IRIS.
+A PARRICIDE.
+CINESIAS, a Dithyrambic Bard.
+AN INFORMER.
+PROMETHEUS.
+POSIDON.
+TRIBALLUS.
+HERACLES.
+SERVANT of PISTHETAERUS.
+MESSENGERS.
+CHORUS OF BIRDS.
+
+SCENE: A wild, desolate tract of open country; broken rocks and brushwood
+occupy the centre of the stage.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE BIRDS
+
+
+EUELPIDES (_to his jay_).[175] Do you think I should walk straight for
+yon tree?
+
+PISTHETAERUS (_to his crow_). Cursed beast, what are you croaking to
+me?... to retrace my steps?
+
+EUELPIDES. Why, you wretch, we are wandering at random, we are exerting
+ourselves only to return to the same spot; 'tis labour lost.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. To think that I should trust to this crow, which has made
+me cover more than a thousand furlongs!
+
+EUELPIDES. And I to this jay, who has torn every nail from my fingers!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. If only I knew where we were. . . .
+
+EUELPIDES. Could you find your country again from here?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, I feel quite sure I could not, any more than could
+Execestides[176] find his.
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh dear! oh dear!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Aye, aye, my friend, 'tis indeed the road of "oh dears" we
+are following.
+
+EUELPIDES. That Philocrates, the bird-seller, played us a scurvy trick,
+when he pretended these two guides could help us to find Tereus,[177] the
+Epops, who is a bird, without being born of one. He has indeed sold us
+this jay, a true son of Tharelides,[178] for an obolus, and this crow for
+three, but what can they do? Why, nothing whatever but bite and
+scratch!--What's the matter with you then, that you keep opening your
+beak? Do you want us to fling ourselves headlong down these rocks? There
+is no road that way.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Not even the vestige of a track in any direction.
+
+EUELPIDES. And what does the crow say about the road to follow?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus, it no longer croaks the same thing it did.
+
+EUELPIDES. And which way does it tell us to go now?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. It says that, by dint of gnawing, it will devour my
+fingers.
+
+EUELPIDES. What misfortune is ours! we strain every nerve to get to the
+birds,[179] do everything we can to that end, and we cannot find our way!
+Yes, spectators, our madness is quite different to that of Sacas. He is
+not a citizen, and would fain be one at any cost; we, on the contrary,
+born of an honourable tribe and family and living in the midst of our
+fellow-citizens, we have fled from our country as hard as ever we could
+go. 'Tis not that we hate it; we recognize it to be great and rich,
+likewise that everyone has the right to ruin himself; but the crickets
+only chirrup among the fig-trees for a month or two, whereas the
+Athenians spend their whole lives in chanting forth judgments from their
+law courts.[180] That is why we started off with a basket, a stew-pot and
+some myrtle boughs[181] and have come to seek a quiet country in which to
+settle. We are going to Tereus, the Epops, to learn from him, whether, in
+his aerial flights, he has noticed some town of this kind.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here! look!
+
+EUELPIDES. What's the matter?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why, the crow has been pointing me to something up there
+for some time now.
+
+EUELPIDES. And the jay is also opening its beak and craning its neck to
+show me I know not what. Clearly, there are some birds about here. We
+shall soon know, if we kick up a noise to start them.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Do you know what to do? Knock your leg against this rock.
+
+EUELPIDES. And you your head to double the noise.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Well then use a stone instead; take one and hammer with it.
+
+EUELPIDES. Good idea! Ho there, within! Slave! slave!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What's that, friend! You say, "slave," to summon Epops!
+'Twould be much better to shout, "Epops, Epops!"
+
+EUELPIDES. Well then, Epops! Must I knock again? Epops!
+
+TROCHILUS. Who's there? Who calls my master?
+
+EUELPIDES. Apollo the Deliverer! what an enormous beak![182]
+
+TROCHILUS. Good god! they are bird-catchers.
+
+EUELPIDES. The mere sight of him petrifies me with terror. What a
+horrible monster!
+
+TROCHILUS. Woe to you!
+
+EUELPIDES. But we are not men.
+
+TROCHILUS. What are you, then?
+
+EUELPIDES. I am the Fearling, an African bird.
+
+TROCHILUS. You talk nonsense.
+
+EUELPIDES. Well, then, just ask it of my feet.[183]
+
+TROCHILUS. And this other one, what bird is it?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I? I am a Cackling,[184] from the land of the pheasants.
+
+EUELPIDES. But you yourself, in the name of the gods! what animal are
+you?
+
+TROCHILUS. Why, I am a slave-bird.
+
+EUELPIDES. Why, have you been conquered by a cock?
+
+TROCHILUS. No, but when my master was turned into a peewit, he begged me
+to become a bird too, to follow and to serve him.
+
+EUELPIDES. Does a bird need a servant, then?
+
+TROCHILUS. 'Tis no doubt because he was a man. At times he wants to eat a
+dish of loach from Phalerum; I seize my dish and fly to fetch him some.
+Again he wants some pea-soup; I seize a ladle and a pot and run to get
+it.
+
+EUELPIDES. This is, then, truly a running-bird.[185] Come, Trochilus, do
+us the kindness to call your master.
+
+TROCHILUS. Why, he has just fallen asleep after a feed of myrtle-berries
+and a few grubs.
+
+EUELPIDES. Never mind; wake him up.
+
+TROCHILUS. I am certain he will be angry. However, I will wake him to
+please you.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You cursed brute! why, I am almost dead with terror!
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! my god! 'twas sheer fear that made me lose my jay.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! you great coward! were you so frightened that you let
+go your jay?
+
+EUELPIDES. And did you not lose your crow, when you fell sprawling on the
+ground? Pray tell me that.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, no.
+
+EUELPIDES. Where is it, then?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. It has flown away.
+
+EUELPIDES. Then you did not let it go! Oh! you brave fellow!
+
+EPOPS. Open the forest,[186] that I may go out!
+
+EUELPIDES. By Heracles! what a creature! what plumage! What means this
+triple crest?
+
+EPOPS. Who wants me?
+
+EUELPIDES. The twelve great gods have used you ill, meseems.
+
+EPOPS. Are you chaffing me about my feathers? I have been a man,
+strangers.
+
+EUELPIDES. 'Tis not you we are jeering at.
+
+EPOPS. At what, then?
+
+EUELPIDES. Why, 'tis your beak that looks so odd to us.
+
+EPOPS. This is how Sophocles outrages me in his tragedies. Know, I once
+was Tereus.[187]
+
+EUELPIDES. You were Tereus, and what are you now? a bird or a
+peacock?[188]
+
+EPOPS. I am a bird.
+
+EUELPIDES. Then where are your feathers? For I don't see them.
+
+EPOPS. They have fallen off.
+
+EUELPIDES. Through illness.
+
+EPOPS. No. All birds moult their feathers, you know, every winter, and
+others grow in their place. But tell me, who are you?
+
+EUELPIDES. We? We are mortals.
+
+EPOPS. From what country?
+
+EUELPIDES. From the land of the beautiful galleys.[189]
+
+EPOPS. Are you dicasts?[190]
+
+EUELPIDES. No, if anything, we are anti-dicasts.
+
+EPOPS. Is that kind of seed sown among you?[191]
+
+EUELPIDES. You have to look hard to find even a little in our fields.
+
+EPOPS. What brings you here?
+
+EUELPIDES. We wish to pay you a visit.
+
+EPOPS. What for?
+
+EUELPIDES. Because you formerly were a man, like we are, formerly you had
+debts, as we have, formerly you did not want to pay them, like ourselves;
+furthermore, being turned into a bird, you have when flying seen all
+lands and seas. Thus you have all human knowledge as well as that of
+birds. And hence we have come to you to beg you to direct us to some cosy
+town, in which one can repose as if on thick coverlets.
+
+EPOPS. And are you looking for a greater city than Athens?
+
+EUELPIDES. No, not a greater, but one more pleasant to dwell in.
+
+EPOPS. Then you are looking for an aristocratic country.
+
+EUELPIDES. I? Not at all! I hold the son of Scellias in horror.[192]
+
+EPOPS. But, after all, what sort of city would please you best?
+
+EUELPIDES. A place where the following would be the most important
+business transacted.--Some friend would come knocking at the door quite
+early in the morning saying, "By Olympian Zeus, be at my house early, as
+soon as you have bathed, and bring your children too. I am giving a
+nuptial feast, so don't fail, or else don't cross my threshold when I am
+in distress."
+
+EPOPS. Ah! that's what may be called being fond of hardships. And what
+say you?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. My tastes are similar.
+
+EPOPS. And they are?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I want a town where the father of a handsome lad will stop
+in the street and say to me reproachfully as if I had failed him, "Ah! Is
+this well done, Stilbonides! You met my son coming from the bath after
+the gymnasium and you neither spoke to him, nor embraced him, nor took
+him with you, nor ever once twitched his testicles. Would anyone call you
+an old friend of mine?"
+
+EPOPS. Ah! wag, I see you are fond of suffering. But there is a city of
+delights, such as you want. 'Tis on the Red Sea.
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh, no. Not a sea-port, where some fine morning the
+Salaminian[193] galley can appear, bringing a writ-server along. Have you
+no Greek town you can propose to us?
+
+EPOPS. Why not choose Lepreum in Elis for your settlement?
+
+EUELPIDES. By Zeus! I could not look at Lepreum without disgust, because
+of Melanthius.[194]
+
+EPOPS. Then, again, there is the Opuntian, where you could live.
+
+EUELPIDES. I would not be Opuntian[195] for a talent. But come, what is
+it like to live with the birds? You should know pretty well.
+
+EPOPS. Why, 'tis not a disagreeable life. In the first place, one has no
+purse.
+
+EUELPIDES. That does away with much roguery.
+
+EPOPS. For food the gardens yield us white sesame, myrtle-berries,
+poppies and mint.
+
+EUELPIDES. Why, 'tis the life of the newly-wed indeed.[196]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ha! I am beginning to see a great plan, which will transfer
+the supreme power to the birds, if you will but take my advice.
+
+EPOPS. Take your advice? In what way?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. In what way? Well, firstly, do not fly in all directions
+with open beak; it is not dignified. Among us, when we see a thoughtless
+man, we ask, "What sort of bird is this?" and Teleas answers, "'Tis a man
+who has no brain, a bird that has lost his head, a creature you cannot
+catch, for it never remains in any one place."
+
+EPOPS. By Zeus himself! your jest hits the mark. What then is to be done?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Found a city.
+
+EPOPS. We birds? But what sort of city should we build?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh, really, really! 'tis spoken like a fool! Look down.
+
+EPOPS. I am looking.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Now look upwards.
+
+EPOPS. I am looking.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Turn your head round.
+
+EPOPS. Ah! 'twill be pleasant for me, if I end in twisting my neck!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What have you seen?
+
+EPOPS. The clouds and the sky.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Very well! is not this the pole of the birds then?
+
+EPOPS. How their pole?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Or, if you like it, the land. And since it turns and passes
+through the whole universe, it is called, 'pole.'[197] If you build and
+fortify it, you will turn your pole into a fortified city.[198] In this
+way you will reign over mankind as you do over the grasshoppers and cause
+the gods to die of rabid hunger.
+
+EPOPS. How so?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The air is 'twixt earth and heaven. When we want to go to
+Delphi, we ask the Boeotians[199] for leave of passage; in the same way,
+when men sacrifice to the gods, unless the latter pay you tribute, you
+exercise the right of every nation towards strangers and don't allow the
+smoke of the sacrifices to pass through your city and territory.
+
+EPOPS. By earth! by snares! by network![200] I never heard of anything
+more cleverly conceived; and, if the other birds approve, I am going to
+build the city along with you.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Who will explain the matter to them?
+
+EPOPS. You must yourself. Before I came they were quite ignorant, but
+since I have lived with them I have taught them to speak.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. But how can they be gathered together?
+
+EPOPS. Easily. I will hasten down to the coppice to waken my dear
+Procné;[201] as soon as they hear our voices, they will come to us hot
+wing.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. My dear bird, lose no time, I beg. Fly at once into the
+coppice and awaken Procné.
+
+EPOPS. Chase off drowsy sleep, dear companion. Let the sacred hymn gush
+from thy divine throat in melodious strains; roll forth in soft cadence
+your refreshing melodies to bewail the fate of Itys,[202] which has been
+the cause of so many tears to us both. Your pure notes rise through the
+thick leaves of the yew-tree right up to the throne of Zeus, where
+Phoebus listens to you, Phoebus with his golden hair. And his ivory lyre
+responds to your plaintive accents; he gathers the choir of the gods and
+from their immortal lips rushes a sacred chant of blessed voices. (_The
+flute is played behind the scene._)
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! by Zeus! what a throat that little bird possesses. He
+has filled the whole coppice with honey-sweet melody!
+
+EUELPIDES. Hush!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What's the matter?
+
+EUELPIDES. Will you keep silence?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What for?
+
+EUELPIDES. Epops is going to sing again.
+
+EPOPS (_in the coppice_). Epopoi, poi, popoi, epopoi, popoi, here, here,
+quick, quick, quick, my comrades in the air; all you, who pillage the
+fertile lands of the husbandmen, the numberless tribes who gather and
+devour the barley seeds, the swift flying race who sing so sweetly. And
+you whose gentle twitter resounds through the fields with the little cry
+of tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio, tio; and you who hop about the
+branches of the ivy in the gardens; the mountain birds, who feed on the
+wild olive berries or the arbutus, hurry to come at my call, trioto,
+trioto, totobrix; you also, who snap up the sharp-stinging gnats in the
+marshy vales, and you who dwell in the fine plain of Marathon, all damp
+with dew, and you, the francolin with speckled wings; you too, the
+halcyons, who flit over the swelling waves of the sea, come hither to
+hear the tidings; let all the tribes of long-necked birds assemble here;
+know that a clever old man has come to us, bringing an entirely new idea
+and proposing great reforms. Let all come to the debate here, here, here,
+here. Torotorotorotorotix, kikkobau, kikkobau, torotorotorotorolililix.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Can you see any bird?
+
+EUELPIDES. By Phoebus, no! and yet I am straining my eyesight to scan the
+sky.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Twas really not worth Epops' while to go and bury himself
+in the thicket like a plover when a-hatching.
+
+PHOENICOPTERUS. Torotina, torotina.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Hold, friend, here is another bird.
+
+EUELPIDES. I' faith, yes! 'tis a bird, but of what kind? Isn't it a
+peacock?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Epops will tell us. What is this bird?
+
+EPOPS. 'Tis not one of those you are used to seeing; 'tis a bird from the
+marshes.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! oh! but he is very handsome with his wings as crimson
+as flame.
+
+EPOPS. Undoubtedly; indeed he is called flamingo.[203]
+
+EUELPIDES. Hi! I say! You!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What are you shouting for?
+
+EUELPIDES. Why, here's another bird.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Aye, indeed; 'tis a foreign bird too. What is this bird
+from beyond the mountains with a look as solemn as it is stupid?
+
+EPOPS. He is called the Mede.[204]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The Mede! But, by Heracles! how, if a Mede, has he flown
+here without a camel?
+
+EUELPIDES. Here's another bird with a crest.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! that's curious. I say, Epops, you are not the only one
+of your kind then?
+
+EPOPS. This bird is the son of Philocles, who is the son of Epops;[205]
+so that, you see, I am his grandfather; just as one might say,
+Hipponicus,[206] the son of Callias, who is the son of Hipponicus.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Then this bird is Callias! Why, what a lot of his feathers
+he has lost![207]
+
+EPOPS. That's because he is honest; so the informers set upon him and the
+women too pluck out his feathers.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By Posidon, do you see that many-coloured bird? What is his
+name?
+
+EPOPS. This one? 'Tis the glutton.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Is there another glutton besides Cleonymus? But why, if he
+is Cleonymus, has he not thrown away his crest?[208] But what is the
+meaning of all these crests? Have these birds come to contend for the
+double stadium prize?[209]
+
+EPOPS. They are like the Carians, who cling to the crests of their
+mountains for greater safety.[210]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh, Posidon! do you see what swarms of birds are gathering
+here?
+
+EUELPIDES. By Phoebus! what a cloud! The entrance to the stage is no
+longer visible, so closely do they fly together.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here is the partridge.
+
+EUELPIDES. Faith! there is the francolin.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. There is the poachard.
+
+EUELPIDES. Here is the kingfisher. And over yonder?
+
+EPOPS. 'Tis the barber.
+
+EUELPIDES. What? a bird a barber?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why, Sporgilus is one.[211] Here comes the owl.
+
+EUELPIDES. And who is it brings an owl to Athens?[212]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here is the magpie, the turtle-dove, the swallow, the
+horned owl, the buzzard, the pigeon, the falcon, the ring-dove, the
+cuckoo, the red-foot, the red-cap, the purple-cap, the kestrel, the
+diver, the ousel, the osprey, the wood-pecker.
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! oh! what a lot of birds! what a quantity of blackbirds!
+how they scold, how they come rushing up! What a noise! what a noise! Can
+they be bearing us ill-will? Oh! there! there! they are opening their
+beaks and staring at us.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why, so they are.
+
+CHORUS. Popopopopopopopoi. Where is he who called me? Where am I to find
+him?
+
+EPOPS. I have been waiting for you this long while; I never fail in my
+word to my friends.
+
+CHORUS. Titititititititi. What good thing have you to tell me?
+
+EPOPS. Something that concerns our common safety, and that is just as
+pleasant as it is to the purpose. Two men, who are subtle reasoners, have
+come here to seek me.
+
+CHORUS. Where? What? What are you saying?
+
+EPOPS. I say, two old men have come from the abode of men to propose a
+vast and splendid scheme to us.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! 'tis a horrible, unheard-of crime! What are you saying?
+
+EPOPS. Nay! never let my words scare you.
+
+CHORUS. What have you done then?
+
+EPOPS. I have welcomed two men, who wish to live with us.
+
+CHORUS. And you have dared to do that!
+
+EPOPS. Aye, and am delighted at having done so.
+
+CHORUS. Where are they?
+
+EPOPS. In your midst, as I am.
+
+CHORUS. Ah! ah! we are betrayed; 'tis sacrilege! Our friend, he who
+picked up corn-seeds in the same plains as ourselves, has violated our
+ancient laws; he has broken the oaths that bind all birds; he has laid a
+snare for me, he has handed us over to the attacks of that impious race
+which, throughout all time, has never ceased to war against us. As for
+this traitorous bird, we will decide his case later, but the two old men
+shall be punished forthwith; we are going to tear them to pieces.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis all over with us.
+
+EUELPIDES. You are the sole cause of all our trouble. Why did you bring
+me from down yonder?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. To have you with me.
+
+EUELPIDES. Say rather to have me melt into tears.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Go to! you are talking nonsense.
+
+EUELPIDES. How so?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. How will you be able to cry when once your eyes are pecked
+out?
+
+CHORUS. Io! io! forward to the attack, throw yourselves upon the foe,
+spill his blood; take to your wings and surround them on all sides. Woe
+to them! let us get to work with our beaks, let us devour them. Nothing
+can save them from our wrath, neither the mountain forests, nor the
+clouds that float in the sky, nor the foaming deep. Come, peck, tear to
+ribbons. Where is the chief of the cohort? Let him engage the right wing.
+
+EUELPIDES. This is the fatal moment. Where shall I fly to, unfortunate
+wretch that I am?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Stay!  stop here!
+
+EUELPIDES. That they may tear me to pieces?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And how do you think to escape them?
+
+EUELPIDES. I don't know at all.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Come, I will tell you. We must stop and fight them. Let us
+arm ourselves with these stew-pots.
+
+EUELPIDES. Why with the stew-pots?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The owl will not attack us.[213]
+
+EUELPIDES. But do you see all those hooked claws?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Seize the spit and pierce the foe on your side.
+
+EUELPIDES. And how about my eyes?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Protect them with this dish or this vinegar-pot.
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! what cleverness! what inventive genius! You are a great
+general, even greater than Nicias,[214] where stratagem is concerned.
+
+CHORUS. Forward, forward, charge with your beaks! Come, no delay. Tear,
+pluck, strike, flay them, and first of all smash the stew-pot.
+
+EPOPS. Oh, most cruel of all animals, why tear these two men to pieces,
+why kill them? What have they done to you? They belong to the same tribe,
+to the same family as my wife.[215]
+
+CHORUS. Are wolves to be spared? Are they not our most mortal foes? So
+let us punish them.
+
+EPOPS. If they are your foes by nature, they are your friends in heart,
+and they come here to give you useful advice.
+
+CHORUS. Advice or a useful word from their lips, from them, the enemies
+of my forbears!
+
+EPOPS. The wise can often profit by the lessons of a foe, for caution is
+the mother of safety. 'Tis just such a thing as one will not learn from a
+friend and which an enemy compels you to know. To begin with, 'tis the
+foe and not the friend that taught cities to build high walls, to equip
+long vessels of war; and 'tis this knowledge that protects our children,
+our slaves and our wealth.
+
+CHORUS. Well then, I agree, let us first hear them, for 'tis best; one
+can even learn something in an enemy's school.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Their wrath seems to cool. Draw back a little.
+
+EPOPS. 'Tis only justice, and you will thank me later.
+
+CHORUS. Never have we opposed your advice up to now.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. They are in a more peaceful mood; put down your stew-pot
+and your two dishes; spit in hand, doing duty for a spear, let us mount
+guard inside the camp close to the pot and watch in our arsenal closely;
+for we must not fly.
+
+EUELPIDES. You are right. But where shall we be buried, if we die?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. In the Ceramicus;[216] for, to get a public funeral, we
+shall tell the Strategi that we fell at Orneae,[217] fighting the
+country's foes.
+
+CHORUS. Return to your ranks and lay down your courage beside your wrath
+as the Hoplites do. Then let us ask these men who they are, whence they
+come, and with what intent. Here, Epops, answer me.
+
+EPOPS. Are you calling me? What do you want of me?
+
+CHORUS. Who are they? From what country?
+
+EPOPS. Strangers, who have come from Greece, the land of the wise.
+
+CHORUS. And what fate has led them hither to the land of the birds?
+
+EPOPS. Their love for you and their wish to share your kind of life; to
+dwell and remain with you always.
+
+CHORUS. Indeed, and what are their plans?
+
+EPOPS. They are wonderful, incredible, unheard of.
+
+CHORUS. Why, do they think to see some advantage that determines them to
+settle here? Are they hoping with our help to triumph over their foes or
+to be useful to their friends?
+
+EPOPS. They speak of benefits so great it is impossible either to
+describe or conceive them; all shall be yours, all that we see here,
+there, above and below us; this they vouch for.
+
+CHORUS. Are they mad?
+
+EPOPS. They are the sanest people in the world.
+
+CHORUS. Clever men?
+
+EPOPS. The slyest of foxes, cleverness its very self, men of the world,
+cunning, the cream of knowing folk.
+
+CHORUS. Tell them to speak and speak quickly; why, as I listen to you, I
+am beside myself with delight.
+
+EPOPS. Here, you there, take all these weapons and hang them up inside
+close to the fire, near the figure of the god who presides there and
+under his protection;[218] as for you, address the birds, tell them why I
+have gathered them together.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Not I, by Apollo, unless they agree with me as the little
+ape of an armourer agreed with his wife, not to bite me, nor pull me by
+the testicles, nor shove things up my....
+
+CHORUS. You mean the.... (_Puts finger to bottom._) Oh! be quite at ease.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, I mean my eyes.
+
+CHORUS. Agreed.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Swear it.
+
+CHORUS. I swear it and, if I keep my promise, let judges and spectators
+give me the victory unanimously.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. It is a bargain.
+
+CHORUS. And if I break my word, may I succeed by one vote only.
+
+HERALD. Hearken, ye people! Hoplites, pick up your weapons and return to
+your firesides; do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have
+posted.
+
+CHORUS. Man is a truly cunning creature, but nevertheless explain.
+Perhaps you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some
+way that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have
+discovered. Speak! 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if
+you secure me some advantage, I will surely share it with you. But what
+object can have induced you to come among us? Speak boldly, for I shall
+not break the truce,--until you have told us all.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I am bursting with desire to speak; I have already mixed
+the dough of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it....
+Slave! bring the chaplet and water, which you must pour over my hands. Be
+quick![219]
+
+EUELPIDES. Is it a question of feasting? What does it all mean?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus, no! but I am hunting for fine, tasty words to
+break down the hardness of their hearts.--I grieve so much for you, who
+at one time were kings....
+
+CHORUS. We kings! Over whom?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. ... of all that exists, firstly of me and of this man, even
+of Zeus himself. Your race is older than Saturn, the Titans and the
+Earth.
+
+CHORUS. What, older than the Earth!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By Phoebus, yes.
+
+CHORUS. By Zeus, but I never knew that before!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis because you are ignorant and heedless, and have never
+read your Aesop. 'Tis he who tells us that the lark was born before all
+other creatures, indeed before the Earth; his father died of sickness,
+but the Earth did not exist then; he remained unburied for five days,
+when the bird in its dilemma decided, for want of a better place, to
+entomb its father in its own head.
+
+EUELPIDES. So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae.[220]
+
+EPOPS. Hence, if we existed before the Earth, before the gods, the
+kingship belongs to us by right of priority.
+
+EUELPIDES. Undoubtedly, but sharpen your beak well; Zeus won't be in a
+hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the
+masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs. First of
+all, I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before all
+other monarchs, before Darius and Megabyzus.[221] 'Tis in memory of his
+reign that he is called the Persian bird.
+
+EUELPIDES. For this reason also, even to-day, he alone of all the birds
+wears his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.[222]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on
+account of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever
+he crows at daybreak. Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers, bathmen,
+corn-dealers, lyre-makers and armourers, all put on their shoes and go to
+work before it is daylight.
+
+EUELPIDES. I can tell you something anent that. 'Twas the cock's fault
+that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool. I was at a feast in town,
+given to celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty freely and
+had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater hurry than
+the rest, began to crow. I thought it was dawn and set out for
+Alimos.[223] I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad struck me
+in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted to shout, but he
+had already made off with my mantle.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks.
+
+EPOPS. The Greeks?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And when he was king, 'twas he who first taught them to
+fall on their knees before the kites.[224]
+
+EUELPIDES. By Zeus! 'tis what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but
+at the moment I was on my knees, and leaning backwards[225] with mouth
+agape, I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my bag home empty.[226]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia.
+When he called out "cuckoo," all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to
+reap their wheat and their barley.[227]
+
+EUELPIDES. Hence no doubt the proverb, "Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields,
+ye circumcised."[228]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. So powerful were the birds, that the kings of Grecian
+cities, Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance, carried a bird on the tip of
+their sceptres, who had his share of all presents.[229]
+
+EUELPIDES. That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam
+come upon the stage in the tragedies with a bird, which kept watching
+Lysicrates[230] to see if he got any present.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. But the strongest proof of all is, that Zeus, who now
+reigns, is represented as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol
+of his royalty;[231] his daughter has an owl, and Phoebus, as his
+servant, has a hawk.
+
+EUELPIDES. By Demeter, 'tis well spoken. But what are all these birds
+doing in heaven?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. When anyone sacrifices and, according to the rite, offers
+the entrails to the gods, these birds take their share before Zeus.
+Formerly the men always swore by birds and never by the gods; even now
+Lampon[232] swears by the goose, when he wants to lie.... Thus 'tis clear
+that you were great and sacred, but now you are looked upon as slaves, as
+fools, as Helots; stones are thrown at you as at raving madmen, even in
+holy places. A crowd of bird-catchers sets snares, traps, limed-twigs and
+nets of all sorts for you; you are caught, you are sold in heaps and the
+buyers finger you over to be certain you are fat. Again, if they would
+but serve you up simply roasted; but they rasp cheese into a mixture of
+oil, vinegar and laserwort, to which another sweet and greasy sauce is
+added, and the whole is poured scalding hot over your back, for all the
+world as if you were diseased meat.
+
+CHORUS. Man, your words have made my heart bleed; I have groaned over the
+treachery of our fathers, who knew not how to transmit to us the high
+rank they held from their forefathers. But 'tis a benevolent Genius, a
+happy Fate, that sends you to us; you shall be our deliverer and I place
+the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands with every
+confidence. But hasten to tell me what must be done; we should not be
+worthy to live, if we did not seek to regain our royalty by every
+possible means,
+
+PISTHETAERUS. First I advise that the birds gather together in one city
+and that they build a wall of great bricks, like that at Babylon, round
+the plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth
+from heaven.
+
+EPOPS. Oh, Cebriones! oh, Porphyrion![233] what a terribly strong place!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. This, this being well done and completed, you demand back
+the empire from Zeus; if he will not agree, if he refuses and does not at
+once confess himself beaten, you declare a sacred war against him and
+forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your country with standing
+organ, as hitherto, for the purpose of fondling their Alcmenas, their
+Alopés, or their Semelés;[234] if they try to pass through, you
+infibulate them with rings so that they can fuck no longer. You send
+another messenger to mankind, who will proclaim to them that the birds
+are kings, that for the future they must first of all sacrifice to them,
+and only afterwards to the gods; that it is fitting to appoint to each
+deity the bird that has most in common with it. For instance, are they
+sacrificing to Aphrodité, let them at the same time offer barley to the
+coot;[235] are they immolating a sheep to Posidon, let them consecrate
+wheat in honour of the duck;[236] is a steer being offered to Heracles,
+let honey-cakes be dedicated to the gull;[237] is a goat being slain for
+King Zeus, there is a King-Bird, the wren,[238] to whom the sacrifice of
+a male gnat is due before Zeus himself even.
+
+EUELPIDES. This notion of an immolated gnat delights me! And now let the
+great Zeus thunder!
+
+EPOPS. But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not as jays? Us, who
+have wings and fly?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings and flies,
+and so do many other gods. First of all, Victory flies with golden wings,
+Eros is undoubtedly winged too, and Iris is compared by Homer to a
+timorous dove.[239] If men in their blindness do not recognize you as
+gods and continue to worship the dwellers in Olympus, then a cloud of
+sparrows greedy for corn must descend upon their fields and eat up all
+their seeds; we shall see then if Demeter will mete them out any wheat.
+
+EUELPIDES. By Zeus, she'll take good care she does not, and you will see
+her inventing a thousand excuses.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The crows too will prove your divinity to them by pecking
+out the eyes of their flocks and of their draught-oxen; and then let
+Apollo cure them, since he is a physician and is paid for the
+purpose.[240]
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! don't do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young
+bullocks.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. If on the other hand they recognize that you are God, the
+principle of life, that you are Earth, Saturn, Posidon, they shall be
+loaded with benefits.
+
+EPOPS Name me one of these then.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Firstly, the locusts shall not eat up their vine-blossoms;
+a legion of owls and kestrels will devour them. Moreover, the gnats and
+the gall-bugs shall no longer ravage the figs; a flock of thrushes shall
+swallow the whole host down to the very last.
+
+EPOPS. And how shall we give wealth to mankind? This is their strongest
+passion.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. When they consult the omens, you will point them to the
+richest mines, you will reveal the paying ventures to the diviner, and
+not another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish.
+
+EPOPS. No more shall perish? How is that?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage,
+some bird will not fail to say, "Don't start! there will be a storm," or
+else, "Go! you will make a most profitable venture."
+
+EUELPIDES. I shall buy a trading-vessel and go to sea. I will not stay
+with you.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You will discover treasures to them, which were buried in
+former times, for you know them. Do not all men say, "None know where my
+treasure lies, unless perchance it be some bird."[241]
+
+EUELPIDES. I shall sell my boat and buy a spade to unearth the vessels.
+
+EPOPS. And how are we to give them health, which belongs to the gods?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. If they are happy, is not that the chief thing towards
+health? The miserable man is never well.
+
+EPOPS. Old Age also dwells in Olympus. How will they get at it? Must they
+die in early youth?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why, the birds, by Zeus, will add three hundred years to
+their life.
+
+EPOPS. From whom will they take them?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. From whom? Why, from themselves. Don't you know the cawing
+crow lives five times as long as a man?
+
+EUELPIDES. Ah! ah! these are far better kings for us than Zeus!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Far better, are they not? And firstly, we shall not have to
+build them temples of hewn stone, closed with gates of gold; they will
+dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak; the most
+venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the
+olive tree; we shall not go to Delphi or to Ammon to sacrifice;[242] but
+standing erect in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding forth
+our hands filled with wheat and barley, we shall pray them to admit us to
+a share of the blessings they enjoy and shall at once obtain them for a
+few grains of wheat.
+
+CHORUS. Old man, whom I detested, you are now to me the dearest of all;
+never shall I, if I can help it, fail to follow your advice. Inspirited
+by your words, I threaten my rivals the gods, and I swear that if you
+march in alliance with me against the gods and are faithful to our just,
+loyal and sacred bond, we shall soon have shattered their sceptre. 'Tis
+our part to undertake the toil, 'tis yours to advise.
+
+EPOPS. By Zeus! 'tis no longer the time to delay and loiter like
+Nicias;[243] let us act as promptly as possible.... In the first place,
+come, enter my nest built of brushwood and blades of straw, and tell me
+your names.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. That is soon done; my name is Pisthetaerus.
+
+EPOPS. And his?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Euelpides, of the deme of Thria.
+
+EPOPS. Good! and good luck to you.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. We accept the omen.
+
+EPOPS. Come in here.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Very well, 'tis you who lead us and must introduce us.
+
+EPOPS. Come then.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! my god! do come back here. Hi! tell us how we are to
+follow you. You can fly, but we cannot.
+
+EPOPS. Well, well.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Remember Aesop's fables. It is told there, that the fox
+fared very ill, because he had made an alliance with the eagle.
+
+EPOPS. Be at ease. You shall eat a certain root and wings will grow on
+your shoulders.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Then let us enter. Xanthias and Manes,[244] pick up our
+baggage.
+
+CHORUS. Hi! Epops!  do you hear me?
+
+EPOPS. What's the matter?
+
+CHORUS. Take them off to dine well and call your mate, the melodious
+Procné, whose songs are worthy of the Muses; she will delight our leisure
+moments.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! I conjure you, accede to their wish; for this
+delightful bird will leave her rushes at the sound of your voice; for the
+sake of the gods, let her come here, so that we may contemplate the
+nightingale.[245]
+
+EPOPS. Let it be as you desire. Come forth, Procné, show yourself to
+these strangers.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! great Zeus! what a beautiful little bird! what a dainty
+form! what brilliant plumage![246]
+
+EUELPIDES. Do you know how dearly I should like to split her legs for
+her?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. She is dazzling all over with gold, like a young girl.[247]
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! how I should like to kiss her!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why, wretched man, she has two little sharp points on her
+beak.
+
+EUELPIDES. I would treat her like an egg, the shell of which we remove
+before eating it; I would take off her mask and then kiss her pretty
+face.
+
+EPOPS. Let us go in.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Lead the way, and may success attend us.
+
+CHORUS. Lovable golden bird, whom I cherish above all others, you, whom I
+associate with all my songs, nightingale, you have come, you have come,
+to show yourself to me and to charm me with your notes. Come, you, who
+play spring melodies upon the harmonious flute,[248] lead off our
+anapaests.[249]
+
+Weak mortals, chained to the earth, creatures of clay as frail as the
+foliage of the woods, you unfortunate race, whose life is but darkness,
+as unreal as a shadow, the illusion of a dream, hearken to us, who are
+immortal beings, ethereal, ever young and occupied with eternal thoughts,
+for we shall teach you about all celestial matters; you shall know
+thoroughly what is the nature of the birds, what the origin of the gods,
+of the rivers, of Erebus, and Chaos; thanks to us, Prodicus[250] will
+envy you your knowledge.
+
+At the beginning there was only Chaos, Night, dark Erebus, and deep
+Tartarus. Earth, the air and heaven had no existence. Firstly,
+black-winged Night laid a germless egg in the bosom of the infinite deeps
+of Erebus, and from this, after the revolution of long ages, sprang the
+graceful Eros with his glittering golden wings, swift as the whirlwinds
+of the tempest. He mated in deep Tartarus with dark Chaos, winged like
+himself, and thus hatched forth our race, which was the first to see the
+light. That of the Immortals did not exist until Eros had brought
+together all the ingredients of the world, and from their marriage
+Heaven, Ocean, Earth and the imperishable race of blessed gods sprang
+into being. Thus our origin is very much older than that of the dwellers
+in Olympus. We are the offspring of Eros; there are a thousand proofs to
+show it. We have wings and we lend assistance to lovers. How many
+handsome youths, who had sworn to remain insensible, have not been
+vanquished by our power and have yielded themselves to their lovers when
+almost at the end of their youth, being led away by the gift of a quail,
+a waterfowl, a goose, or a cock.[251]
+
+And what important services do not the birds render to mortals! First of
+all, they mark the seasons for them, springtime, winter, and autumn. Does
+the screaming crane migrate to Libya,--it warns the husbandman to sow,
+the pilot to take his ease beside his tiller hung up in his
+dwelling,[252] and Orestes[253] to weave a tunic, so that the rigorous
+cold may not drive him any more to strip other folk. When the kite
+reappears, he tells of the return of spring and of the period when the
+fleece of the sheep must be clipped. Is the swallow in sight? All hasten
+to sell their warm tunic and to buy some light clothing. We are your
+Ammon, Delphi, Dodona, your Phoebus Apollo.[254] Before undertaking
+anything, whether a business transaction, a marriage, or the purchase of
+food, you consult the birds by reading the omens, and you give this name
+of omen[255] to all signs that tell of the future. With you a word is an
+omen, you call a sneeze an omen, a meeting an omen, an unknown sound an
+omen, a slave or an ass an omen.[256] Is it not clear that we are a
+prophetic Apollo to you? If you recognize us as gods, we shall be your
+divining Muses, through us you will know the winds and the seasons,
+summer, winter, and the temperate months. We shall not withdraw ourselves
+to the highest clouds like Zeus, but shall be among you and shall give to
+you and to your children and the children of your children, health and
+wealth, long life, peace, youth, laughter, songs and feasts; in short,
+you will all be so well off, that you will be weary and satiated with
+enjoyment.
+
+Oh, rustic Muse of such varied note, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, I sing with
+you in the groves and on the mountain tops, tio, tio, tio, tio,
+tiotinx.[257] I pour forth sacred strains from my golden throat in honour
+of the god Pan,[258] tio, tio, tio, tiotinx, from the top of the thickly
+leaved ash, and my voice mingles with the mighty choirs who extol Cybelé
+on the mountain tops,[259] tototototototototinx. 'Tis to our concerts
+that Phrynicus comes to pillage like a bee the ambrosia of his songs, the
+sweetness of which so charms the ear, tio, tio, tio, tio, tinx.
+
+If there be one of you spectators who wishes to spend the rest of his
+life quietly among the birds, let him come to us. All that is disgraceful
+and forbidden by law on earth is on the contrary honourable among us, the
+birds. For instance, among you 'tis a crime to beat your father, but with
+us 'tis an estimable deed; it's considered fine to run straight at your
+father and hit him, saying, "Come, lift your spur if you want to
+fight."[260] The runaway slave, whom you brand, is only a spotted
+francolin with us.[261] Are you Phrygian like Spintharus?[262] Among us
+you would be the Phrygian bird, the goldfinch, of the race of
+Philemon.[263] Are you a slave and a Carian like Execestides? Among us
+you can create yourself forefathers;[264] you can always find relations.
+Does the son of Pisias want to betray the gates of the city to the foe?
+Let him become a partridge, the fitting offspring of his father; among us
+there is no shame in escaping as cleverly as a partridge.
+
+So the swans on the banks of the Hebrus, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx,
+mingle their voices to serenade Apollo, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx,
+flapping their wings the while, tio, tio, tio, tio, tiotinx; their notes
+reach beyond the clouds of heaven; all the dwellers in the forests stand
+still with astonishment and delight; a calm rests upon the waters, and
+the Graces and the choirs in Olympus catch up the strain, tio, tio, tio,
+tio, tiotinx.
+
+There is nothing more useful nor more pleasant than to have wings. To
+begin with, just let us suppose a spectator to be dying with hunger and
+to be weary of the choruses of the tragic poets; if he were winged, he
+would fly off, go home to dine and come back with his stomach filled.
+Some Patroclides in urgent need would not have to soil his cloak, but
+could fly off, satisfy his requirements, and, having recovered his
+breath, return. If one of you, it matters not who, had adulterous
+relations and saw the husband of his mistress in the seats of the
+senators, he might stretch his wings, fly thither, and, having appeased
+his craving, resume his place. Is it not the most priceless gift of all,
+to be winged? Look at Diitrephes![265] His wings were only wicker-work
+ones, and yet he got himself chosen Phylarch and then Hipparch; from
+being nobody, he has risen to be famous; 'tis now the finest gilded cock
+of his tribe.[266]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Halloa! What's this? By Zeus! I never saw anything so funny
+in all my life.[267]
+
+EUELPIDES. What makes you laugh?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis your bits of wings. D'you know what you look like?
+Like a goose painted by some dauber-fellow.
+
+EUELPIDES. And you look like a close-shaven blackbird.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis ourselves asked for this transformation, and, as
+Aeschylus has it, "These are no borrowed feathers, but truly our
+own."[268]
+
+EPOPS. Come now, what must be done?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. First give our city a great and famous name, then sacrifice
+to the gods.
+
+EUELPIDES. I think so too.
+
+EPOPS. Let's see. What shall our city be called?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Will you have a high-sounding Laconian name? Shall we call
+it Sparta?
+
+EUELPIDES. What! call my town Sparta? Why, I would not use esparto for my
+bed,[269] even though I had nothing but bands of rushes.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Well then, what name can you suggest?
+
+EUELPIDES. Some name borrowed from the clouds, from these lofty regions
+in which we dwell--in short, some well-known name.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Do you like Nephelococcygia?[270]
+
+EPOPS. Oh! capital! truly 'tis a brilliant thought!
+
+EUELPIDES. Is it in Nephelococcygia that all the wealth of Theogenes[271]
+and most of Aeschines'[272] is?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, 'tis rather the plain of Phlegra,[273] where the gods
+withered the pride of the sons of the Earth with their shafts.
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! what a splendid city! But what god shall be its patron?
+for whom shall we weave the peplus?[274]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why not choose Athené Polias?[275]
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! what a well-ordered town 'twould be to have a female deity
+armed from head to foot, while Clisthenes[276] was spinning!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Who then shall guard the Pelargicon?[277]
+
+EPOPS. One of ourselves, a bird of Persian strain, who is everywhere
+proclaimed to be the bravest of all, a true chick of Ares.[278]
+
+EUELPIDES. Oh! noble chick! what a well-chosen god for a rocky home!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Come! into the air with you to help the workers, who are
+building the wall; carry up rubble, strip yourself to mix the mortar,
+take up the hod, tumble down the ladder, an you like, post sentinels,
+keep the fire smouldering beneath the ashes, go round the walls, bell in
+hand,[279] and go to sleep up there yourself; then despatch two heralds,
+one to the gods above, the other to mankind on earth and come back here.
+
+EUELPIDES. As for yourself, remain here, and may the plague take you for
+a troublesome fellow!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Go, friend, go where I send you, for without you my orders
+cannot be obeyed. For myself, I want to sacrifice to the new god, and I
+am going to summon the priest who must preside at the ceremony. Slaves!
+slaves! bring forward the basket and the lustral water.
+
+CHORUS. I do as you do, and I wish as you wish, and I implore you to
+address powerful and solemn prayers to the gods, and in addition to
+immolate a sheep as a token of our gratitude. Let us sing the Pythian
+chant in honour of the god, and let Chaeris accompany our voices.
+
+PISTHETAERUS (_to the flute-player_). Enough! but, by Heracles! what is
+this? Great gods! I have seen many prodigious things, but I never saw a
+muzzled raven.[280]
+
+EPOPS. Priest! 'tis high time! Sacrifice to the new gods.
+
+PRIEST. I begin, but where is he with the basket? Pray to the Vesta of
+the birds, to the kite, who presides over the hearth, and to all the god
+and goddess-birds who dwell in Olympus.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! Hawk, the sacred guardian of Sunium, oh, god of the storks!
+
+PRIEST. Pray to the swan of Delos, to Latona the mother of the quails,
+and to Artemis, the goldfinch.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis no longer Artemis Colaenis, but Artemis the
+goldfinch.[281]
+
+PRIEST. And to Bacchus, the finch and Cybelé, the ostrich and mother of
+the gods and mankind.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! sovereign ostrich, Cybelé, the mother of Cleocritus,[282]
+grant health and safety to the Nephelococcygians as well as to the
+dwellers in Chios....
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The dwellers in Chios! Ah! I am delighted they should be
+thus mentioned on all occasions.[283]
+
+CHORUS. ... to the heroes, the birds, to the sons of heroes, to the
+porphyrion, the pelican, the spoon-bill, the redbreast, the grouse, the
+peacock, the horned-owl, the teal, the bittern, the heron, the stormy
+petrel, the fig-pecker, the titmouse....
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Stop! stop! you drive me crazy with your endless list. Why,
+wretch, to what sacred feast are you inviting the vultures and the
+sea-eagles? Don't you see that a single kite could easily carry off the
+lot at once? Begone, you and your fillets and all; I shall know how to
+complete the sacrifice by myself.
+
+PRIEST. It is imperative that I sing another sacred chant for the rite of
+the lustral water, and that I invoke the immortals, or at least one of
+them, provided always that you have some suitable food to offer him; from
+what I see here, in the shape of gifts, there is naught whatever but horn
+and hair.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Let us address our sacrifices and our prayers to the winged
+gods.
+
+A POET. Oh, Muse! celebrate happy Nephelococcygia in your hymns.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What have we here? Where do you come from, tell me? Who are
+you?
+
+POET. I am he whose language is sweeter than honey, the zealous slave of
+the Muses, as Homer has it.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You a slave! and yet you wear your hair long?
+
+POET. No, but the fact is all we poets are the assiduous slaves of the
+Muses according to Homer.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. In truth your little cloak is quite holy too through zeal!
+But, poet, what ill wind drove you here?
+
+POET. I have composed verses in honour of your Nephelococcygia, a host of
+splendid dithyrambs and parthenians,[284] worthy of Simonides himself.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And when did you compose them? How long since?
+
+POET. Oh! 'tis long, aye, very long, that I have sung in honour of this
+city.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. But I am only celebrating its foundation with this
+sacrifice;[285] I have only just named it, as is done with little babies.
+
+POET. "Just as the chargers fly with the speed of the wind, so does the
+voice of the Muses take its flight. Oh! thou noble founder of the town of
+Aetna,[286] thou, whose name recalls the holy sacrifices,[287] make us
+such gift as thy generous heart shall suggest."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. He will drive us silly if we do not get rid of him by some
+present. Here! you, who have a fur as well as your tunic, take it off and
+give it to this clever poet. Come, take this fur; you look to me to be
+shivering with cold.
+
+POET. My Muse will gladly accept this gift; but engrave these verses of
+Pindar's on your mind.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! what a pest! 'Tis impossible then to be rid of him.
+
+POET. "Straton wanders among the Scythian nomads, but has no linen
+garment. He is sad at only wearing an animal's pelt and no tunic." Do you
+conceive my bent?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I understand that you want me to offer you a tunic. Hi! you
+(_to Euelpides_), take off yours; we must help the poet.... Come, you,
+take it and begone.
+
+POET. I am going, and these are the verses that I address to this city:
+"Phoebus of the golden throne, celebrate this shivery, freezing city; I
+have travelled through fruitful and snow-covered plains. Tralala!
+Tralala!"[288]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What are you chanting us about frosts? Thanks to the tunic,
+you no longer fear them. Ah! by Zeus! I could not have believed this
+cursed fellow could so soon have learnt the way to our city. Come,
+priest, take the lustral water and circle the altar.
+
+PRIEST. Let all keep silence!
+
+A PROPHET. Let not the goat be sacrificed.[289]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Who are you?
+
+PROPHET. Who am I? A prophet.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Get you gone.
+
+PROPHET. Wretched man, insult not sacred things. For there is an oracle
+of Bacis, which exactly applies to Nephelococcygia.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why did you not reveal it to me before I founded my city?
+
+PROPHET. The divine spirit was against it.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Well, 'tis best to know the terms of the oracle.
+
+PROPHET. "But when the wolves and the white crows shall dwell together
+between Corinth and Sicyon...."[290]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. But how do the Corinthians concern me?
+
+PROPHET. 'Tis the regions of the air that Bacis indicated in this manner.
+"They must first sacrifice a white-fleeced goat to Pandora, and give the
+prophet, who first reveals my words, a good cloak and new sandals."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Are the sandals there?
+
+PROPHET.
+
+Read. "And besides this a goblet of wine and a good share of the entrails
+of the victim."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Of the entrails--is it so written?
+
+PROPHET. Read. "If you do as I command, divine youth, you shall be an
+eagle among the clouds; if not, you shall be neither turtle-dove, nor
+eagle, nor woodpecker."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Is all that there?
+
+PROPHET. Read.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. This oracle in no sort of way resembles the one Apollo
+dictated to me: "If an impostor comes without invitation to annoy you
+during the sacrifice and to demand a share of the victim, apply a stout
+stick to his ribs."
+
+PROPHET. You are drivelling.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. "And don't spare him, were he an eagle from out of the
+clouds, were it Lampon himself[291] or the great Diopithes."[292]
+
+PROPHET. Is all that there?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here, read it yourself, and go and hang yourself.
+
+PROPHET. Oh! unfortunate wretch that I am.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Away with you, and take your prophecies elsewhere.
+
+METON.[293] I have come to you.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Yet another pest. What have you come to do? What's your
+plan? What's the purpose of your journey? Why these splendid buskins?
+
+METON. I want to survey the plains of the air for you and to parcel them
+into lots.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. In the name of the gods, who are you?
+
+METON. Who am I? Meton, known throughout Greece and at Colonus.[294]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What are these things?
+
+METON. Tools for measuring the air. In truth, the spaces in the air have
+precisely the form of a furnace. With this bent ruler I draw a line from
+top to bottom; from one of its points I describe a circle with the
+compass. Do you understand?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Not the very least.
+
+METON. With the straight ruler I set to work to inscribe a square within
+this circle; in its centre will be the marketplace, into which all the
+straight streets will lead, converging to this centre like a star, which,
+although only orbicular, sends forth its rays in a straight line from all
+sides.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Meton, you new Thales....[295]
+
+METON. What d'you want with me?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I want to give you a proof of my friendship. Use your legs.
+
+METON. Why, what have I to fear?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis the same here as in Sparta. Strangers are driven away,
+and blows rain down as thick as hail.
+
+METON. Is there sedition in your city?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, certainly not.
+
+METON. What's wrong then?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. We are agreed to sweep all quacks and impostors far from
+our borders.
+
+METON. Then I'm off.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I fear me 'tis too late. The thunder growls already.
+(_Beats him._)
+
+METON. Oh, woe! oh, woe!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I warned you. Now, be off, and do your surveying somewhere
+else. (_Meton takes to his heels._)
+
+AN INSPECTOR. Where are the Proxeni?[296]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Who is this Sardanapalus?[297]
+
+INSPECTOR. I have been appointed by lot to come to Nephelococcygia as
+inspector.[298]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. An inspector! and who sends you here, you rascal?
+
+INSPECTOR. A decree of Taleas.[299]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Will you just pocket your salary, do nothing, and be off?
+
+INSPECTOR. I' faith! that I will; I am urgently needed to be at Athens to
+attend the assembly; for I am charged with the interests of
+Pharnaces.[300]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Take it then, and be off. See, here is your salary. (_Beats
+him._)
+
+INSPECTOR. What does this mean?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis the assembly where you have to defend Pharnaces.
+
+INSPECTOR. You shall testify that they dare to strike me, the inspector.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Are you not going to clear out with your urns. 'Tis not to
+be believed; they send us inspectors before we have so much as paid
+sacrifice to the gods.
+
+A DEALER IN DECREES. "If the Nephelococcygian does wrong to the
+Athenian...."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Now whatever are these cursed parchments?
+
+DEALER IN DECREES. I am a dealer in decrees, and I have come here to sell
+you the new laws.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Which?
+
+DEALER IN DECREES. "The Nephelococcygians shall adopt the same weights,
+measures and decrees as the Olophyxians."[301]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And you shall soon be imitating the Ototyxians. (_Beats
+him._)
+
+DEALER IN DECREES. Hullo! what are you doing?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Now will you be off with your decrees? For I am going to
+let _you_ see some severe ones.
+
+INSPECTOR (_returning_). I summon Pisthetaerus for outrage for the month
+of Munychion.[302]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ha! my friend! are you still there?
+
+DEALER IN DECREES. "Should anyone drive away the magistrates and not
+receive them, according to the decree duly posted..."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What! rascal! you are there too?
+
+INSPECTOR. Woe to you! I'll have you condemned to a fine of ten thousand
+drachmae.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And I'll smash your urns.[303]
+
+INSPECTOR. Do you recall that evening when you stooled against the column
+where the decrees are posted?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here! here! let him be seized. (_The inspectors run off._)
+Well! don't you want to stop any longer?
+
+PRIEST. Let us get indoors as quick as possible; we will sacrifice the
+goat inside.[304]
+
+CHORUS. Henceforth it is to me that mortals must address their sacrifices
+and their prayers. Nothing escapes my sight nor my might. My glance
+embraces the universe, I preserve the fruit in the flower by destroying
+the thousand kinds of voracious insects the soil produces, which attack
+the trees and feed on the germ when it has scarcely formed in the calyx;
+I destroy those who ravage the balmy terrace gardens like a deadly
+plague; all these gnawing crawling creatures perish beneath the lash of
+my wing. I hear it proclaimed everywhere: "A talent for him who shall
+kill Diagoras of Melos,[305] and a talent for him who destroys one of the
+dead tyrants."[306] We likewise wish to make our proclamation: "A talent
+to him among you who shall kill Philocrates, the Strouthian;[307] four,
+if he brings him to us alive. For this Philocrates skewers the finches
+together and sells them at the rate of an obolus for seven. He tortures
+the thrushes by blowing them out, so that they may look bigger, sticks
+their own feathers into the nostrils of blackbirds, and collects pigeons,
+which he shuts up and forces them, fastened in a net, to decoy others."
+That is what we wish to proclaim. And if anyone is keeping birds shut up
+in his yard, let him hasten to let them loose; those who disobey shall be
+seized by the birds and we shall put them in chains, so that in their
+turn they may decoy other men.
+
+Happy indeed is the race of winged birds who need no cloak in winter!
+Neither do I fear the relentless rays of the fiery dog-days; when the
+divine grasshopper, intoxicated with the sunlight, when noon is burning
+the ground, is breaking out into shrill melody, my home is beneath the
+foliage in the flowery meadows. I winter in deep caverns, where I frolic
+with the mountain nymphs, while in spring I despoil the gardens of the
+Graces and gather the white, virgin berry on the myrtle bushes.
+
+I want now to speak to the judges about the prize they are going to
+award; if they are favourable to us, we will load them with benefits far
+greater than those Paris[308] received. Firstly, the owls of
+Laurium,[309] which every judge desires above all things, shall never be
+wanting to you; you shall see them homing with you, building their nests
+in your money-bags and laying coins. Besides, you shall be housed like
+the gods, for we shall erect gables[310] over your dwellings; if you hold
+some public post and want to do a little pilfering, we will give you the
+sharp claws of a hawk. Are you dining in town, we will provide you with
+crops.[311] But, if your award is against us, don't fail to have metal
+covers fashioned for yourselves, like those they place over statues;[312]
+else, look out! for the day you wear a white tunic all the birds will
+soil it with their droppings.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Birds! the sacrifice is propitious. But I see no messenger
+coming from the wall to tell us what is happening. Ah! here comes one
+running himself out of breath as though he were running the Olympic
+stadium.
+
+MESSENGER. Where, where is he? Where, where, where is he? Where, where,
+where is he? Where is Pisthetaerus, our leader?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here am I.
+
+MESSENGER. The wall is finished.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. That's good news.
+
+MESSENGER. 'Tis a most beautiful, a most magnificent work of art. The
+wall is so broad, that Proxenides, the Braggartian, and Theogenes could
+pass each other in their chariots, even if they were drawn by steeds as
+big as the Trojan horse.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis wonderful!
+
+MESSENGER. Its length is one hundred stadia; I measured it myself.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. A decent length, by Posidon! And who built such a wall?
+
+MESSENGER. Birds--birds only; they had neither Egyptian brickmaker, nor
+stonemason, nor carpenter; the birds did it all themselves, I could
+hardly believe my eyes. Thirty thousand cranes came from Libya with a
+supply of stones,[313] intended for the foundations. The water-rails
+chiselled them with their beaks. Ten thousand storks were busy making
+bricks; plovers and other water fowl carried water into the air.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And who carried the mortar?
+
+MESSENGER. Herons, in hods.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. But how could they put the mortar into hods?
+
+MESSENGER. Oh! 'twas a truly clever invention; the geese used their feet
+like spades; they buried them in the pile of mortar and then emptied them
+into the hods.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! to what use cannot feet be put?[314]
+
+MESSENGER. You should have seen how eagerly the ducks carried bricks. To
+complete the tale, the swallows came flying to the work, their beaks full
+of mortar and their trowel on their back, just the way little children
+are carried.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Who would want paid servants after this? But, tell me, who
+did the woodwork?
+
+MESSENGER. Birds again, and clever carpenters too, the pelicans, for they
+squared up the gates with their beaks in such a fashion that one would
+have thought they were using axes; the noise was just like a dockyard.
+Now the whole wall is tight everywhere, securely bolted and well guarded;
+it is patrolled, bell in hand; the sentinels stand everywhere and beacons
+burn on the towers. But I must run off to clean myself; the rest is your
+business.
+
+CHORUS. Well! what do you say to it? Are you not astonished at the wall
+being completed so quickly?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By the gods, yes, and with good reason. 'Tis really not to
+be believed. But here comes another messenger from the wall to bring us
+some further news! What a fighting look he has!
+
+SECOND MESSENGER. Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What's the matter?
+
+SECOND MESSENGER. A horrible outrage has occurred; a god sent by Zeus has
+passed through our gates and has penetrated the realms of the air without
+the knowledge of the jays, who are on guard in the daytime.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Tis an unworthy and criminal deed. What god was it?
+
+SECOND MESSENGER. We don't know that. All we know is, that he has got
+wings.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why were not guards sent against him at once?
+
+SECOND MESSENGER. We have despatched thirty thousand hawks of the legion
+of mounted archers.[315] All the hook-clawed birds are moving against
+him, the kestrel, the buzzard, the vulture, the great-horned owl; they
+cleave the air, so that it resounds with the flapping of their wings;
+they are looking everywhere for the god, who cannot be far away; indeed,
+if I mistake not, he is coming from yonder side.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. All arm themselves with slings and bows! This way, all our
+soldiers; shoot and strike! Some one give me a sling!
+
+CHORUS. War, a terrible war is breaking out between us and the gods!
+Come, let each one guard the Air, the son of Erebus,[316] in which the
+clouds float. Take care no immortal enters it without your knowledge.
+Scan all sides with your glance. Hark! methinks I can hear the rustle of
+the swift wings of a god from heaven.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Hi! you woman! where are you flying to? Halt, don't stir!
+keep motionless! not a beat of your wing!--Who are you and from what
+country? You must say whence you come.[317]
+
+IRIS. I come from the abode of the Olympian gods.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What's your name, ship or cap?[318]
+
+IRIS. I am swift Iris.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Paralus or Salaminia?[319]
+
+IRIS. What do you mean?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Let a buzzard rush at her and seize her.[320]
+
+IRIS. Seize me! But what do all these insults betoken?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Woe to you!
+
+IRIS. 'Tis incomprehensible.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By which gate did you pass through the wall, wretched
+woman?
+
+IRIS. By which gate? Why, great gods, I don't know.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You hear how she holds us in derision. Did you present
+yourself to the officers in command of the jays? You don't answer. Have
+you a permit, bearing the seal of the storks?
+
+IRIS. Am I awake?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Did you get one?
+
+IRIS. Are you mad?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No head-bird gave you a safe-conduct?
+
+IRIS. A safe-conduct to me, you poor fool!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! and so you slipped into this city on the sly and into
+these realms of air-land that don't belong to you.
+
+IRIS. And what other road can the gods travel?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus! I know nothing about that, not I. But they won't
+pass this way. And you still dare to complain! Iris would ever have more
+justly suffered death.
+
+IRIS. I am immortal.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You would have died nevertheless.--Oh! 'twould be truly
+intolerable! What! should the universe obey us and the gods alone
+continue their insolence and not understand that they must submit to the
+law of the strongest in their due turn? But tell me, where are you flying
+to?
+
+IRIS. I? The messenger of Zeus to mankind, I am going to tell them to
+sacrifice sheep and oxen on the altars and to fill their streets with the
+rich smoke of burning fat.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Of which gods are you speaking?
+
+IRIS. Of which?  Why, of ourselves, the gods of heaven.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You, gods?
+
+IRIS. Are there others then?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Men now adore the birds as gods, and 'tis to them, by Zeus,
+that they must offer sacrifices, and not to Zeus at all!
+
+IRIS. Oh! fool! fool! Rouse not the wrath of the gods, for 'tis terrible
+indeed. Armed with the brand of Zeus, Justice would annihilate your race;
+the lightning would strike you as it did Lycimnius and consume both your
+body and the porticos of your palace.[321]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here! that's enough tall talk. Just you listen and keep
+quiet! Do you take me for a Lydian or a Phrygian[322] and think to
+frighten me with your big words? Know, that if Zeus worries me again, I
+shall go at the head of my eagles, who are armed with lightning, and
+reduce his dwelling and that of Amphion to cinders.[323] I shall send
+more than six hundred porphyrions clothed in leopards' skins[324] up to
+heaven against him; and formerly a single Porphyrion gave him enough to
+do. As for you, his messenger, if you annoy me, I shall begin by
+stretching your legs asunder and so conduct myself, Iris though you be,
+that despite my age, you will be astonished. I will show you a fine long
+tool that will fuck you three times over.
+
+IRIS. May you perish, you wretch, you and your infamous words!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Won't you be off quickly? Come, stretch your wings or look
+out for squalls!
+
+IRIS. If my father does not punish you for your insults....
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ha!... but just you be off elsewhere to roast younger folk
+than us with your lightning.
+
+CHORUS. We forbid the gods, the sons of Zeus, to pass through our city
+and the mortals to send them the smoke of their sacrifices by this road.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis odd that the messenger we sent to the mortals has
+never returned.
+
+HERALD. Oh! blessed Pisthetaerus, very wise, very illustrious, very
+gracious, thrice happy, very.... Come, prompt me, somebody, do.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Get to your story!
+
+HERALD. All peoples are filled with admiration for your wisdom, and they
+award you this golden crown.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I accept it. But tell me, why do the people admire me?
+
+HERALD. Oh you, who have founded so illustrious a city in the air, you
+know not in what esteem men hold you and how many there are who burn with
+desire to dwell in it. Before your city was built, all men had a mania
+for Sparta; long hair and fasting were held in honour, men went dirty
+like Socrates and carried staves. Now all is changed. Firstly, as soon as
+'tis dawn, they all spring out of bed together to go and seek their food,
+the same as you do; then they fly off towards the notices and finally
+devour the decrees. The bird-madness is so clear, that many actually bear
+the names of birds. There is a halting victualler, who styles himself the
+partridge; Menippus calls himself the swallow; Opontius the one-eyed
+crow; Philocles the lark; Theogenes the fox-goose; Lycurgus the ibis;
+Chaerephon the bat; Syracosius the magpie; Midias the quail;[325] indeed
+he looks like a quail that has been hit heavily over the head. Out of
+love for the birds they repeat all the songs which concern the swallow,
+the teal, the goose or the pigeon; in each verse you see wings, or at all
+events a few feathers. This is what is happening down there. Finally,
+there are more than ten thousand folk who are coming here from earth to
+ask you for feathers and hooked claws; so, mind you supply yourself with
+wings for the immigrants.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! by Zeus, 'tis not the time for idling. Go as quick as
+possible and fill every hamper, every basket you can find with wings.
+Manes[326] will bring them to me outside the walls, where I will welcome
+those who present themselves.
+
+CHORUS. This town will soon be inhabited by a crowd of men.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. If fortune favours us.
+
+CHORUS. Folk are more and more delighted with it.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Come, hurry up and bring them along.
+
+CHORUS. Will not man find here everything that can please him--wisdom,
+love, the divine Graces, the sweet face of gentle peace?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! you lazy servant! won't you hurry yourself?
+
+CHORUS. Let a basket of wings be brought speedily. Come, beat him as I
+do, and put some life into him; he is as lazy as an ass.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Aye, Manes is a great craven.
+
+CHORUS. Begin by putting this heap of wings in order; divide them in
+three parts according to the birds from whom they came; the singing, the
+prophetic[327] and the aquatic birds; then you must take care to
+distribute them to the men according to their character.
+
+PISTHETAERUS (_to Manes_). Oh! by the kestrels! I can keep my hands off
+you no longer; you are too slow and lazy altogether.
+
+A PARRICIDE.[328] Oh! might I but become an eagle, who soars in the
+skies! Oh! might I fly above the azure waves of the barren sea![329]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ha! 'twould seem the news was true; I hear someone coming
+who talks of wings.
+
+PARRICIDE. Nothing is more charming than to fly; I burn with desire to
+live under the same laws as the birds; I am bird-mad and fly towards you,
+for I want to live with you and to obey your laws.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Which laws? The birds have many laws.
+
+PARRICIDE. All of them; but the one that pleases me most is, that among
+the birds it is considered a fine thing to peck and strangle one's
+father.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Aye, by Zeus! according to us, he who dares to strike his
+father, while still a chick, is a brave fellow.
+
+PARRICIDE. And therefore I want to dwell here, for I want to strangle my
+father and inherit his wealth.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. But we have also an ancient law written in the code of the
+storks, which runs thus, "When the stork father has reared his young and
+has taught them to fly, the young must in their turn support the father."
+
+PARRICIDE. 'Tis hardly worth while coming all this distance to be
+compelled to keep my father!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, no, young friend, since you have come to us with such
+willingness, I am going to give you these black wings, as though you were
+an orphan bird; furthermore, some good advice, that I received myself in
+infancy. Don't strike your father, but take these wings in one hand and
+these spurs in the other; imagine you have a cock's crest on your head
+and go and mount guard and fight; live on your pay and respect your
+father's life. You're a gallant fellow! Very well, then! Fly to Thrace
+and fight.[330]
+
+PARRICIDE. By Bacchus! 'Tis well spoken; I will follow your counsel.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis acting wisely, by Zeus.
+
+CINESIAS.[331] "On my light pinions I soar off to Olympus; in its
+capricious flight my Muse flutters along the thousand paths of poetry in
+turn ..."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. This is a fellow will need a whole shipload of wings.
+
+CINESIAS. ... it is seeking fresh outlet."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Welcome, Cinesias, you lime-wood man![332] Why have you
+come here a-twisting your game leg in circles?
+
+CINESIAS. "I want to become a bird, a tuneful nightingale."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Enough of that sort of ditty. Tell me what you want.
+
+CINESIAS. Give me wings and I will fly into the topmost airs to gather
+fresh songs in the clouds, in the midst of the vapours and the fleecy
+snow.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Gather songs in the clouds?
+
+CINESIAS. 'Tis on them the whole of our latter-day art depends. The most
+brilliant dithyrambs are those that flap their wings in void space and
+are clothed in mist and dense obscurity. To appreciate this, just listen.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! no, no, no!
+
+CINESIAS. By Hermes! but indeed you shall. "I shall travel through thine
+ethereal empire like a winged bird, who cleaveth space with his long
+neck...."
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Stop! easy all, I say![333]
+
+CINESIAS. ... as I soar over the seas, carried by the breath of the winds
+...
+
+PISTHETAERUS. By Zeus! but I'll cut your breath short.
+
+CINESIAS. ... now rushing along the tracks of Notus, now nearing Boreas
+across the infinite wastes of the ether." (_Pisthetaerus beats him._) Ah!
+old man, that's a pretty and clever idea truly!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What! are you not delighted to be cleaving the air?[334]
+
+CINESIAS. To treat a dithyrambic poet, for whom the tribes dispute with
+each other, in this style![335]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Will you stay with us and form a chorus of winged birds as
+slender as Leotrophides[336] for the Cecropid tribe?
+
+CINESIAS. You are making game of me, 'tis clear; but know that I shall
+never leave you in peace if I do not have wings wherewith to traverse the
+air.
+
+AN INFORMER. What are these birds with downy feathers, who look so
+pitiable to me? Tell me, oh swallow with the long dappled wings.[337]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! but 'tis a perfect invasion that threatens us. Here
+comes another of them, humming along.
+
+INFORMER. Swallow with the long dappled wings, once more I summon you.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. It's his cloak I believe he's addressing; 'faith, it stands
+in great need of the swallows' return.[338]
+
+INFORMER. Where is he who gives out wings to all comers?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis I, but you must tell me for what purpose you want
+them.
+
+INFORMER. Ask no questions. I want wings, and wings I must have.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Do you want to fly straight to Pellené?[339]
+
+INFORMER. I? Why, I am an accuser of the islands,[340] an informer ...
+
+PISTHETAERUS. A fine trade, truly!
+
+INFORMER. ... a hatcher of lawsuits. Hence I have great need of wings to
+prowl round the cities and drag them before justice.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Would you do this better if you had wings?
+
+INFORMER. No, but I should no longer fear the pirates; I should return
+with the cranes, loaded with a supply of lawsuits by way of ballast.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. So it seems, despite all your youthful vigour, you make it
+your trade to denounce strangers?
+
+INFORMER. Well, and why not? I don't know how to dig.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. But, by Zeus! there are honest ways of gaining a living at
+your age without all this infamous trickery.
+
+INFORMER. My friend, I am asking you for wings, not for words.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis just my words that give you wings.
+
+INFORMER. And how can you give a man wings with your words?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. 'Tis thus that all first start.
+
+INFORMER. All?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Have you not often heard the father say to young men in the
+barbers' shops, "It's astonishing how Diitrephes' advice has made my son
+fly to horse-riding."--"Mine," says another, "has flown towards tragic
+poetry on the wings of his imagination."
+
+INFORMER. So that words give wings?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Undoubtedly; words give wings to the mind and make a man
+soar to heaven. Thus I hope that my wise words will give you wings to fly
+to some less degrading trade.
+
+INFORMER. But I do not want to.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What do you reckon on doing then?
+
+INFORMER. I won't belie my breeding; from generation to generation we
+have lived by informing. Quick, therefore, give me quickly some light,
+swift hawk or kestrel wings, so that I may summon the islanders, sustain
+the accusation here, and haste back there again on flying pinions.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I see. In this way the stranger will be condemned even
+before he appears.
+
+INFORMER. That's just it.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And while he is on his way here by sea, you will be flying
+to the islands to despoil him of his property.
+
+INFORMER. You've hit it, precisely; I must whirl hither and thither like
+a perfect humming-top.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I catch the idea. Wait, i' faith, I've got some fine
+Corcyraean wings.[341] How do you like them?
+
+INFORMER. Oh! woe is me! Why, 'tis a whip!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, no; these are the wings, I tell you, that set the top
+a-spinning.
+
+INFORMER. Oh! oh! oh!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Take your flight, clear off, you miserable cur, or you will
+soon see what comes of quibbling and lying. Come, let us gather up our
+wings and withdraw.
+
+CHORUS. In my ethereal nights I have seen many things new and strange and
+wondrous beyond belief. There is a tree called Cleonymus belonging to an
+unknown species; it has no heart, is good for nothing and is as tall as
+it is cowardly. In springtime it shoots forth calumnies instead of buds
+and in autumn it strews the ground with bucklers in place of leaves.[342]
+
+Far away in the regions of darkness, where no ray of light ever enters,
+there is a country, where men sit at the table of the heroes and dwell
+with them always--save always in the evening. Should any mortal meet the
+hero Orestes at night, he would soon be stripped and covered with blows
+from head to foot.[343]
+
+PROMETHEUS. Ah! by the gods! if only Zeus does not espy me! Where is
+Pisthetaerus?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ha! what is this? A masked man!
+
+PROMETHEUS. Can you see any god behind me?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. No, none. But who are you, pray?
+
+PROMETHEUS. What's the time, please?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The time? Why, it's past noon. Who are you?
+
+PROMETHEUS. Is it the fall of day? Is it no later than that?[344]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! 'pon my word! but you grow tiresome!
+
+PROMETHEUS. What is Zeus doing? Is he dispersing the clouds or gathering
+them?[345]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Take care, lest I lose all patience.
+
+PROMETHEUS. Come, I will raise my mask.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! my dear Prometheus!
+
+PROMETHEUS. Stop! stop! speak lower!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why, what's the matter, Prometheus?
+
+PROMETHEUS. H'sh, h'sh! Don't call me by my name; you will be my ruin, if
+Zeus should see me here. But, if you want me to tell you how things are
+going in heaven, take this umbrella and shield me, so that the gods don't
+see me.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I can recognize Prometheus in this cunning trick. Come,
+quick then, and fear nothing; speak on.
+
+PROMETHEUS. Then listen.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I am listening, proceed!
+
+PROMETHEUS. It's all over with Zeus.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! and since when, pray?
+
+PROMETHEUS. Since you founded this city in the air. There is not a man
+who now sacrifices to the gods; the smoke of the victims no longer
+reaches us. Not the smallest offering comes! We fast as though it were
+the festival of Demeter.[346] The barbarian gods, who are dying of
+hunger, are bawling like Illyrians[347] and threaten to make an armed
+descent upon Zeus, if he does not open markets where joints of the
+victims are sold.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What! there are other gods besides you, barbarian gods who
+dwell above Olympus?
+
+PROMETHEUS. If there were no barbarian gods, who would be the patron of
+Execestides?[348]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And what is the name of these gods?
+
+PROMETHEUS. Their name? Why, the Triballi.[349]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah, indeed! 'tis from that no doubt that we derive the word
+'tribulation.'[350]
+
+PROMETHEUS. Most likely. But one thing I can tell you for certain,
+namely, that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going to send deputies
+here to sue for peace. Now don't you treat, unless Zeus restores the
+sceptre to the birds and gives you Basileia[351] in marriage.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Who is this Basileia?
+
+PROMETHEUS. A very fine young damsel, who makes the lightning for Zeus;
+all things come from her, wisdom, good laws, virtue, the fleet,
+calumnies, the public paymaster and the triobolus.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress to the god.
+
+PROMETHEUS. Yes, precisely. If he gives you her for your wife, yours will
+be the almighty power. That is what I have come to tell you; for you know
+my constant and habitual goodwill towards men.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh, yes! 'tis thanks to you that we roast our meat.[352]
+
+PROMETHEUS. I hate the gods, as you know.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Aye, by Zeus, you have always detested them.
+
+PROMETHEUS. Towards them I am a veritable Timon;[353] but I must return
+in all haste, so give me the umbrella; if Zeus should see me from up
+there, he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori.[354]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Wait, take this stool as well.
+
+CHORUS. Near by the land of the Sciapodes[355] there is a marsh, from the
+borders whereof the odious Socrates evokes the souls of men.
+Pisander[356] came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when
+still alive. He offered a little victim, a camel,[357] slit his throat
+and, following the example of Ulysses, stepped one pace backwards.[358]
+Then that bat of a Chaerephon[359] came up from hell to drink the camel's
+blood.
+
+POSIDON.[360] This is the city of Nephelococcygia, Cloud-cuckoo-town,
+whither we come as ambassadors. (_To Triballus_.) Hi! what are you up to?
+you are throwing your cloak over the left shoulder. Come, fling it quick
+over the right! And why, pray, does it draggle this fashion? Have you
+ulcers to hide like Laespodias?[361] Oh! democracy![362] whither, oh!
+whither are you leading us? Is it possible that the gods have chosen such
+an envoy?
+
+TRIBALLUS. Leave me alone.
+
+POSIDON. Ugh! the cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all
+the gods.--Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do?
+
+HERACLES. I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who
+has dared to block us in.
+
+POSIDON. But, my friend, we are envoys of peace.
+
+HERACLES. All the more reason why I wish to strangle him.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Hand me the cheese-grater; bring me the silphium for sauce;
+pass me the cheese and watch the coals.[363]
+
+HERACLES. Mortal! we who greet you are three gods.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle.
+
+HERACLES. What are these meats?[364]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. These are birds that have been punished with death for
+attacking the people's friends.
+
+HERACLES. And you are seasoning them before answering us?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What's the matter?[365]
+
+HERACLES. The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace.
+
+A SERVANT. There's no more oil in the flask.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it.[366]
+
+HERACLES. We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be
+friends and we promise that you shall always have rain-water in your
+pools and the warmest of warm weather. So far as these points go we are
+armed with plenary authority.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as
+well disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one
+equitable condition, namely, that Zeus yield his sceptre to the birds. If
+only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner.
+
+HERACLES. That's good enough for me. I vote for peace.
+
+POSIDON. You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton. Do you
+want to dethrone your own father?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What an error! Why, the gods will be much more powerful if
+the birds govern the earth. At present the mortals are hidden beneath the
+clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your name; but if
+you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after having sworn by the
+crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath, the crow would dive down
+upon him unawares and pluck out his eye.
+
+POSIDON. Well thought of, by Posidon![367]
+
+HERACLES. My notion too.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. (_to the Triballian_). And you, what's your opinion?
+
+TRIBALLUS. Nabaisatreu.[368]
+
+PISTHETAERUS. D'you see? he also approves. But hear another thing in
+which we can serve you. If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to some god
+and then procrastinates, pretending that the gods can wait, and thus does
+not keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess.
+
+POSIDON. Ah! ah! and how?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite
+will relieve him, before he knows it, either in coin or in clothes, of
+the value of a couple of sheep, and carry it to the god.
+
+HERACLES. I vote for restoring them the sceptre.
+
+POSIDON. Ask the Triballian.
+
+HERACLES. Hi! Triballian, do you want a thrashing?
+
+TRIBALLUS. Saunaka baktarikrousa.[368]
+
+HERACLES. He says, "Right willingly."
+
+POSIDON. If that be the opinion of both of you, why, I consent too.
+
+HERACLES. Very well! we accord the sceptre.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition. I will leave
+Heré to Zeus, but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage.
+
+POSIDON. Then you don't want peace. Let us withdraw.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. It matters mighty little to me. Cook, look to the gravy.
+
+HERACLES. What an odd fellow this Posidon is! Where are you off to? Are
+we going to war about a woman?
+
+POSIDON. What else is there to do?
+
+HERACLES. What else? Why, conclude peace.
+
+POSIDON. Oh! the ninny! do you always want to be fooled? Why, you are
+seeking your own downfall. If Zeus were to die, after having yielded them
+the sovereignty, you would be ruined, for you are the heir of all the
+wealth he will leave behind.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you. Step aside, that I
+may have a word with you. Your uncle is getting the better of you, my
+poor friend.[369] The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal
+property, for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child.
+
+HERACLES. I a bastard! What's that you tell me?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Why, certainly; are you not born of a stranger woman?[370]
+Besides, is not Athené recognized as Zeus' sole heiress? And no daughter
+would be that, if she had a legitimate brother.
+
+HERACLES. But what if my father wished to give me his property on his
+death-bed, even though I be a bastard?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. The law forbids it, and this same Posidon would be the
+first to lay claim to his wealth, in virtue of being his legitimate
+brother. Listen; thus runs Solon's law: "A bastard shall not inherit, if
+there are legitimate children; and if there are no legitimate children,
+the property shall pass to the nearest kin."
+
+HERACLES. And I get nothing whatever of the paternal property?
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Absolutely nothing. But tell me, has your father had you
+entered on the registers of his phratria?[371]
+
+HERACLES. No, and I have long been surprised at the omission.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. What ails you, that you should shake your fist at heaven?
+Do you want to fight it? Why, be on my side, I will make you a king and
+will feed you on bird's milk and honey.
+
+HERACLES. Your further condition seems fair to me. I cede you the young
+damsel.
+
+POSIDON. But I, I vote against this opinion.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Then all depends on the Triballian. (_To the Triballian._)
+What do you say?
+
+TRIBALLUS. Big bird give daughter pretty and queen.
+
+HERACLES. You say that you give her?
+
+POSIDON. Why no, he does not say anything of the sort, that he gives her;
+else I cannot understand any better than the swallows.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Exactly so. Does he not say she must be given to the
+swallows?
+
+POSIDON. Very well! you two arrange the matter; make peace, since you
+wish it so; I'll hold my tongue.
+
+HERACLES. We are of a mind to grant you all that you ask. But come up
+there with us to receive Basileia and the celestial bounty.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Here are birds already cut up, and very suitable for a
+nuptial feast.
+
+HERACLES. You go and, if you like, I will stay here to roast them.
+
+PISTHETAERUS. You to roast them! you are too much the glutton; come along
+with us.
+
+HERACLES. Ah! how well I would have treated myself!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Let some bring me a beautiful and magnificent tunic for the
+wedding.
+
+CHORUS.[372] At Phanae,[373] near the Clepsydra,[374] there dwells a
+people who have neither faith nor law, the Englottogastors,[375] who
+reap, sow, pluck the vines and the figs[376] with their tongues; they
+belong to a barbaric race, and among them the Philippi and the
+Gorgiases[377] are to be found; 'tis these Englottogastorian Phillippi
+who introduced the custom all over Attica of cutting out the tongue
+separately at sacrifices.[378]
+
+A MESSENGER. Oh, you, whose unbounded happiness I cannot express in
+words, thrice happy race of airy birds, receive your king in your
+fortunate dwellings. More brilliant than the brightest star that illumes
+the earth, he is approaching his glittering golden palace; the sun itself
+does not shine with more dazzling glory. He is entering with his bride at
+his side[379] whose beauty no human tongue can express; in his hand he
+brandishes the lightning, the winged shaft of Zeus; perfumes of
+unspeakable sweetness pervade the ethereal realms. 'Tis a glorious
+spectacle to see the clouds of incense wafting in light whirlwinds before
+the breath of the Zephyr! But here he is himself. Divine Muse! let thy
+sacred lips begin with songs of happy omen.
+
+CHORUS. Fall back! to the right! to the left! advance![380] Fly around
+this happy mortal, whom Fortune loads with her blessings. Oh! oh! what
+grace! what beauty! Oh, marriage so auspicious for our city! All honour
+to this man! 'tis through him that the birds are called to such glorious
+destinies. Let your nuptial hymns, your nuptial songs, greet him and his
+Basileia! 'Twas in the midst of such festivities that the Fates formerly
+united Olympian Here to the King who governs the gods from the summit of
+his inaccessible throne. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Rosy Eros with the
+golden wings held the reins and guided the chariot; 'twas he, who
+presided over the union of Zeus and the fortunate Heré. Oh! Hymen! oh!
+Hymenaeus!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. I am delighted with your songs, I applaud your verses. Now
+celebrate the thunder that shakes the earth, the flaming lightning of
+Zeus and the terrible flashing thunderbolt.
+
+CHORUS. Oh, thou golden flash of the lightning! oh, ye divine shafts of
+flame, that Zeus has hitherto shot forth! Oh, ye rolling thunders, that
+bring down the rain! 'Tis by the order of our king that ye shall now
+stagger the earth! Oh, Hymen! 'tis through thee that he commands the
+universe and that he makes Basileia, whom he has robbed from Zeus, take
+her seat at his side. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!
+
+PISTHETAERUS. Let all the winged tribes of our fellow-citizens follow the
+bridal couple to the palace of Zeus[381] and to the nuptial couch!
+Stretch forth your hands, my dear wife! Take hold of me by my wings and
+let us dance; I am going to lift you up and carry you through the air.
+
+CHORUS. Oh, joy! Io Paean! Tralala! victory is thine, oh, thou greatest
+of the gods!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FINIS OF "THE BIRDS"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Footnotes:
+
+[175] Euelpides is holding a jay and Pisthetaerus a crow; they are the
+guides who are to lead them to the kingdom of the birds.
+
+[176] A stranger, who wanted to pass as an Athenian, although coming
+originally from a far-away barbarian country.
+
+[177] A king of Thrace, a son of Ares, who married Procné, the daughter
+of Pandion, King of Athens, whom he had assisted against the Megarians.
+He violated his sister-in-law, Philomela, and then cut out her tongue;
+she nevertheless managed to convey to her sister how she had been
+treated. They both agreed to kill Itys, whom Procné had born to Tereus,
+and dished up the limbs of his own son to the father; at the end of the
+meal Philomela appeared and threw the child's head upon the table. Tereus
+rushed with drawn sword upon the princesses, but all the actors in this
+terrible scene were metamorphised. Tereus became an Epops (hoopoe),
+Procné a swallow, Philomela a nightingale, and Itys a goldfinch.
+According to Anacreon and Apollodorus it was Procné who became the
+nightingale and Philomela the swallow, and this is the version of the
+tradition followed by Aristophanes.
+
+[178] An Athenian who had some resemblance to a jay--so says the
+Scholiast, at any rate.
+
+[179] Literally, _to go to the crows_, a proverbial expression equivalent
+to our _going to the devil_.
+
+[180] They leave Athens because of their hatred of lawsuits and
+informers; this is the especial failing of the Athenians satirized in
+'The Wasps.'
+
+[181] Myrtle boughs were used in sacrifices, and the founding of every
+colony was started by a sacrifice.
+
+[182] The actors wore masks made to resemble the birds they were supposed
+to represent.
+
+[183] Fear had had disastrous effects upon Euelpides' internal economy,
+this his feet evidenced.
+
+[184] The same mishap had occurred to Pisthetaerus.
+
+[185] The Greek word for a wren, [Greek: trochilos], is derived from the
+same root as [Greek: trechein], to run.
+
+[186] No doubt there was some scenery to represent a forest. Besides,
+there is a pun intended. The words answering for _forest_ and _door_
+([Greek: hul_e and thura]) in Greek only differ slightly in sound.
+
+[187] Sophocles had written a tragedy about Tereus, in which, no doubt,
+the king finally appears as a hoopoe.
+
+[188] A [Greek: para prosdokian]; one would expect the question to be
+"bird or man."--Are you a peacock? The hoopoe resembles the peacock
+inasmuch as both have crests.
+
+[189] Athens.
+
+[190] The Athenians were madly addicted to lawsuits. (_Vide_ 'The
+Wasps.')
+
+[191] As much as to say, _Then you have such things as anti-dicasts?_ And
+Euelpides practically replies, _Very few_.
+
+[192] His name was Aristocrates; he was a general and commanded a fleet
+sent in aid of Corcyra.
+
+[193] The State galley, which carried the officials of the Athenian
+republic to their several departments and brought back those whose time
+had expired; it was this galley that was sent to Sicily to fetch back
+Alcibiades, who was accused of sacrilege.
+
+[194] A tragic poet, who was a leper; there is a play, of course, on the
+Lepreum.
+
+[195] An allusion to Opuntius, who was one-eyed.
+
+[196] The newly-married ate a sesame cake, decorated with garlands of
+myrtle, poppies, and mint.
+
+[197] From [Greek: polein], to turn.
+
+[198] The Greek words for _pole_ and _city_ ([Greek: polos] and [Greek:
+polis]) only differ by a single letter.
+
+[199] Boeotia separated Attica from Phocis.
+
+[200] He swears by the powers that are to him dreadful.
+
+[201] As already stated, according to the legend, accepted by
+Aristophanes, it was Procné who was turned into the nightingale.
+
+[202] The son of Tereus and Procné.
+
+[203] An African bird, that comes to the southern countries of Europe, to
+Greece, Italy, and Spain; it is even seen in Provence.
+
+[204] Aristophanes amusingly mixes up real birds with people and
+individuals, whom he represents in the form of birds; he is personifying
+the Medians here.
+
+[205] Philocles, a tragic poet, had written a tragedy on Tereus, which
+was simply a plagiarism of the play of the same name by Sophocles.
+Philocles is the son of Epops, because he got his inspiration from
+Sophocles' Tereus, and at the same time is father to Epops, since he
+himself produced another Tereus.
+
+[206] This Hipponicus is probably the orator whose ears Alcibiades boxed
+to gain a bet; he was a descendant of Callias, who was famous for his
+hatred of Pisistratus.
+
+[207] This Callias, who must not be confounded with the foe of
+Pisistratus, had ruined himself.
+
+[208] Cleonymus had cast away his shield; he was as great a glutton as he
+was a coward.
+
+[209] A race in which the track had to be circled twice.
+
+[210] A people of Asia Minor; when pursued by the Ionians they took
+refuge in the mountains.
+
+[211] An Athenian barber.
+
+[212] The owl was dedicated to Athené, and being respected at Athens, it
+had greatly multiplied. Hence the proverb, _taking owls to Athens_,
+similar to our English _taking coals to Newcastle_.
+
+[213] An allusion to the Feast of Pots; it was kept at Athens on the
+third day of the Anthesteria, when all sorts of vegetables were stewed
+together and offered for the dead to Bacchus and Athené. This Feast was
+peculiar to Athens.--Hence Pisthetaerus thinks that the owl will
+recognize they are Athenians by seeing the stew-pots, and as he is an
+Athenian bird, he will not attack them.
+
+[214] Nicias, the famous Athenian general.--The siege of Melos in 417
+B.C., or two years previous to the production of 'The Birds,' had
+especially done him great credit. He was joint commander of the Sicilian
+expedition.
+
+[215] Procné, the daughter of Pandion, King of Athens.
+
+[216] A space beyond the walls of Athens which contained the gardens of
+the Academy and the graves of citizens who had died for their country.
+
+[217] A town in Western Argolis, where the Athenians had been recently
+defeated. The somewhat similar word in Greek, [Greek: ornithes],
+signifies _birds_.
+
+[218] Epops is addressing the two slaves, no doubt Xanthias and Manes,
+who are mentioned later on.
+
+[219] It was customary, when speaking in public and also at feasts, to
+wear a chaplet; hence the question Euelpides puts. The guests wore
+chaplets of flowers, herbs, and leaves, which had the property of being
+refreshing.
+
+[220] A deme of Attica. In Greek the word ([Greek: kephalai]) also means
+_heads_, and hence the pun.
+
+[221] One of Darius' best generals. After his expedition against the
+Scythians, this prince gave him the command of the army which he left in
+Europe. Megabyzus took Perinthos (afterwards called Heraclea) and
+conquered Thrace.
+
+[222] All Persians wore the tiara, but always on one side; the Great King
+alone wore it straight on his head.
+
+[223]  Noted as the birthplace of Thucydides, a deme of Attica of the
+tribe of Leontis. Demosthenes tells us it was thirty-five stadia from
+Athens.
+
+[224] The appearance of the kite in Greece betokened the return of
+springtime; it was therefore worshipped as a symbol of that season.
+
+[225] To look at the kite, who no doubt was flying high in the sky.
+
+[226] As already shown, the Athenians were addicted to carrying small
+coins in their mouths.--This obolus was for the purpose of buying flour
+to fill the bag he was carrying.
+
+[227] In Phoenicia and Egypt the cuckoo makes its appearance about
+harvest-time.
+
+[228] This was an Egyptian proverb, meaning, _When the cuckoo sings we go
+harvesting_. Both the Phoenicians and the Egyptians practised
+circumcision.
+
+[229] The staff, called a sceptre, generally terminated in a piece of
+carved work, representing a flower, a fruit, and most often a bird.
+
+[230] A general accused of treachery. The bird watches Lysicrates,
+because, according to Pisthetaerus, he had a right to a share of the
+presents.
+
+[231] It is thus that Phidias represents his Olympian Zeus.
+
+[232] One of the diviners sent to Sybaris (in Magna Graecia, S. Italy)
+with the Athenian colonists, who rebuilt the town under the new name of
+Thurium.
+
+[233] As if he were saying, "Oh, gods!" Like Lampon, he swears by the
+birds, instead of swearing by the gods.--The names of these birds are
+those of two of the Titans.
+
+[234] Alcmena, wife of Amphitryon, King of Thebes and mother of
+Heracles.--Semelé, the daughter of Cadmus and Hermioné and mother of
+Bacchus; both seduced by Zeus.--Alopé, daughter of Cercyon, a robber, who
+reigned at Eleusis and was conquered by Perseus. Alopé was honoured with
+Posidon's caresses; by him she had a son named Hippothous, at first
+brought up by shepherds but who afterwards was restored to the throne of
+his grandfather by Theseus.
+
+[235] Because the bald patch on the coot's head resembles the shaven and
+depilated 'motte.'
+
+[236] Because water is the duck's domain, as it is that of Posidon.
+
+[237] Because the gull, like Heracles, is voracious.
+
+[238] The Germans still call it _Zaunkönig_ and the French _roitelet_,
+both names thus containing the idea of _king_.
+
+[239] The Scholiast draws our attention to the fact that Homer says this
+of Heré and not of Iris (Iliad, V. 778); it is only another proof that
+the text of Homer has reached us in a corrupted form, or it may be that
+Aristophanes was liable, like other people, to occasional mistakes of
+quotation.
+
+[240] In sacrifices.
+
+[241] An Athenian proverb.
+
+[242] A celebrated temple to Zeus in an oasis of Libya.
+
+[243] Nicias was commander, along with Demosthenes, and later on
+Alcibiades, of the Athenian forces before Syracuse, in the ill-fated
+Sicilian Expedition, 415-413 B.C. He was much blamed for dilatoriness and
+indecision.
+
+[244] Servants of Pisthetaerus and Euelpides.
+
+[245] It has already been mentioned that, according to the legend
+followed by Aristophanes, Procné had been changed into a nightingale and
+Philomela into a swallow.
+
+[246] The actor, representing Procné, was dressed out as a courtesan, but
+wore the mask of a bird.
+
+[247] Young unmarried girls wore golden ornaments; the apparel of married
+women was much simpler.
+
+[248] The actor, representing Procné, was a flute-player.
+
+[249] The parabasis.
+
+[250] A sophist of the island of Ceos, a disciple of Protagoras, as
+celebrated for his knowledge as for his eloquence. The Athenians
+condemned him to death as a corrupter of youth in 396 B.C.
+
+[251] Lovers were wont to make each other presents of birds. The cock and
+the goose are mentioned, of course, in jest.
+
+[252] i.e. that it gave notice of the approach of winter, during which
+season the Ancients did not venture to sea.
+
+[253] A notorious robber.
+
+[254] Meaning, "_We are your oracles._"--Dodona was an oracle in
+Epirus.--The temple of Zeus there was surrounded by a dense forest, all
+the trees of which were endowed with the gift of prophecy; both the
+sacred oaks and the pigeons that lived in them answered the questions of
+those who came to consult the oracle in pure Greek.
+
+[255] The Greek word for _omen_ is the same as that for _bird_--[Greek:
+ornis].
+
+[256] A satire on the passion of the Greeks for seeing an omen in
+everything.
+
+[257] An imitation of the nightingale's song.
+
+[258] God of the groves and wilds.
+
+[259] The 'Mother of the Gods'; roaming the mountains, she held dances,
+always attended by Pan and his accompanying rout of Fauns and Satyrs.
+
+[260] An allusion to cock-fighting; the birds are armed with brazen
+spurs.
+
+[261] An allusion to the spots on this bird, which resemble the scars
+left by a branding iron.
+
+[262] He was of Asiatic origin, but wished to pass for an Athenian.
+
+[263] Or Philamnon, King of Thrace; the Scholiast remarks that the
+Phrygians and the Thracians had a common origin.
+
+[264] The Greek word here, [Greek: pappos], is also the name of a little
+bird.
+
+[265] A basket-maker who had become rich.--The Phylarchs were the headmen
+of the tribes, [Greek: Phulai]. They presided at the private assemblies
+and were charged with the management of the treasury.--The Hipparchs, as
+the name implies, were the leaders of the cavalry; there were only two of
+these in the Athenian army.
+
+[266] He had now become a senator, member of the [Greek: Boul_e].
+
+[267] Pisthetaerus and Euelpides now both return with wings.
+
+[268] Meaning, 'tis we who wanted to have these wings.--The verse from
+Aeschylus, quoted here, is taken from 'The Myrmidons,' a tragedy of which
+only a few fragments remain.
+
+[269] The Greek word signified the city of Sparta, and also a kind of
+broom used for weaving rough matting, which served for the beds of the
+very poor.
+
+[270] A fanciful name constructed from [Greek: nephel_e], a
+cloud, and [Greek: kokkux], a cuckoo; thus a city of clouds and
+cuckoos.--_Wolkenkukelheim_[*] is a clever approximation in German.
+Cloud-cuckoo-town, perhaps, is the best English equivalent.
+
+[* Transcriber's note: So in original. The correct German word is
+_Wolkenkuckucksheim_.]
+
+[271] He was a boaster nicknamed [Greek: Kapnos], _smoke_, because he
+promised a great deal and never kept his word.
+
+[272] Also mentioned in 'The Wasps.'
+
+[273] Because the war of the Titans against the gods was only a fiction
+of the poets.
+
+[274] A sacred cloth, with which the statue of Athené in the Acropolis
+was draped.
+
+[275] Meaning, to be patron-goddess of the city. Athené had a temple of
+this name.
+
+[276] An Athenian effeminate, frequently ridiculed by Aristophanes.
+
+[277] This was the name of the wall surrounding the Acropolis.
+
+[278] i.e. the fighting-cock.
+
+[279] To waken the sentinels, who might else have fallen asleep.--There
+are several merry contradictions in the various parts of this list of
+injunctions.
+
+[280] In allusion to the leather strap which flute-players wore to
+constrict the cheeks and add to the power of the breath. The performer
+here no doubt wore a raven's mask.
+
+[281] Hellanicus, the Mitylenian historian, tells that this surname of
+Artemis is derived from Colaenus, King of Athens before Cecrops and a
+descendant of Hermes. In obedience to an oracle he erected a temple to
+the goddess, invoking her as Artemis Colaenis (the Artemis of Colaenus).
+
+[282] This Cleocritus, says the Scholiast, was long-necked and strutted
+like an ostrich.
+
+[283] The Chians were the most faithful allies of Athens, and hence their
+name was always mentioned in prayers, decrees, etc.
+
+[284] Verses sung by maidens.
+
+[285] This ceremony took place on the tenth day after birth, and may be
+styled the pagan baptism.
+
+[286] Hiero, tyrant of Syracuse.--This passage is borrowed from Pindar.
+
+[287] [Greek: Hierón] in Greek means sacrifice.
+
+[288] A parody of poetic pathos, not to say bathos.
+
+[289] Which the priest was preparing to sacrifice.
+
+[290] Orneae, a city in Argolis ([Greek: ornis] in Greek means a bird).
+It was because of this similarity in sound that the prophet alludes to
+Orneae.
+
+[291] Noted Athenian diviner, who, when the power was still shared
+between Thucydides and Pericles, predicted that it would soon be centred
+in the hands of the latter; his ground for this prophecy was the sight of
+a ram with a single horn.
+
+[292] No doubt another Athenian diviner, and possibly the same person
+whom Aristophanes names in 'The Knights' and 'The Wasps' as being a
+thief.
+
+[293] A celebrated geometrician and astronomer.
+
+[294] A deme contiguous to Athens. It is as though he said, "Well known
+throughout all England and at Croydon."
+
+[295] Thales was no less famous as a geometrician than he was as a sage.
+
+[296] Officers of Athens, whose duty was to protect strangers who came on
+political or other business, and see to their interests generally.
+
+[297] He addresses the inspector thus because of the royal and
+magnificent manners he assumes.
+
+[298] Magistrates appointed to inspect the tributary towns.
+
+[299] A much-despised citizen, already mentioned. He ironically supposes
+him invested with the powers of an Archon, which ordinarily were
+entrusted only to men of good repute.
+
+[300] A Persian satrap.--An allusion to certain orators, who, bribed with
+Asiatic gold, had often defended the interests of the foe in the Public
+Assembly.
+
+[301] A Macedonian people in the peninsula of Chalcidicé. This name is
+chosen because of its similarity to the Greek word [Greek:
+olophuresthai], _to groan_. It is from another verb, [Greek: ototuzein],
+meaning the same thing, that Pisthetaerus coins the name of Ototyxians,
+i.e. groaners, because he is about to beat the dealer.--The
+mother-country had the right to impose any law it chose upon its
+colonies.
+
+[302] Corresponding to our month of April.
+
+[303] Which the inspector had brought with him for the purpose of
+inaugurating the assemblies of the people or some tribunal.
+
+[304] So that the sacrifices might no longer be interrupted.
+
+[305] A disciple of Democrites; he passed over from superstition to
+atheism. The injustice and perversity of mankind led him to deny the
+existence of the gods, to lay bare the mysteries and to break the idols.
+The Athenians had put a price on his head, so he left Greece and perished
+soon afterwards in a storm at sea.
+
+[306] By this jest Aristophanes means to imply that tyranny is dead, and
+that no one aspires to despotic power, though this silly accusation was
+constantly being raised by the demagogues and always favourably received
+by the populace.
+
+[307] A poulterer.--Strouthian, used in joke to designate him, as if from
+the name of his 'deme,' is derived from [Greek: strouthos], _a sparrow_.
+The birds' foe is thus grotesquely furnished with an ornithological
+surname.
+
+[308] From Aphrodité (Venus), to whom he had awarded the apple, prize of
+beauty, in the contest of the "goddesses three."
+
+[309] Laurium was an Athenian deme at the extremity of the Attic
+peninsula containing valuable silver mines, the revenues of which were
+largely employed in the maintenance of the fleet and payment of the
+crews. The "owls of Laurium," of course, mean pieces of money; the
+Athenian coinage was stamped with a representation of an owl, the bird of
+Athené.
+
+[310] A pun impossible to keep in English, on the two meanings of the
+word [Greek: aetos], which signifies both an eagle and the gable of a
+house or pediment of a temple.
+
+[311] That is, birds' crops, into which they could stow away plenty of
+good things.
+
+[312] The Ancients appear to have placed metal discs over statues
+standing in the open air, to save them from injury from the weather, etc.
+
+[313] So as not to be carried away by the wind when crossing the sea,
+cranes are popularly supposed to ballast themselves with stones, which
+they carry in their beaks.
+
+[314] Pisthetaerus modifies the Greek proverbial saying, "To what use
+cannot hands be put?"
+
+[315] A corps of Athenian cavalry was so named.
+
+[316] Chaos, Night, Tartarus, and Erebus alone existed in the beginning;
+Eros was born from Night and Erebus, and he wedded Chaos and begot Earth,
+Air, and Heaven; so runs the fable.
+
+[317] Iris appears from the top of the stage and arrests her flight in
+mid-career.
+
+[318] Ship, because of her wings, which resemble oars; cap, because she
+no doubt wore the head-dress (as a messenger of the gods) with which
+Hermes is generally depicted.
+
+[319] The names of the two sacred galleys which carried Athenian
+officials on State business.
+
+[320] A buzzard is named in order to raise a laugh, the Greek name
+[Greek: triorchos] also meaning, etymologically, provided with three
+testicles, vigorous in love.
+
+[321] Iris' reply is a parody of the tragic style.--'Lycimnius' is,
+according to the Scholiast, the title of a tragedy by Euripides, which is
+about a ship that is struck by lightning.
+
+[322] i.e. for a poltroon, like the slaves, most of whom came to Athens
+from these countries.
+
+[323] A parody of a passage in the lost tragedy of 'Niobe' of Aeschylus.
+
+[324] Because this bird has a spotted plumage.--Porphyrion is also the
+name of one of the Titans who tried to storm heaven.
+
+[325] All these surnames bore some relation to the character or the build
+of the individual to whom the poet applies them.--Chaerephon, Socrates'
+disciple, was of white and ashen hue.--Opontius was one-eyed.--Syracosius
+was a braggart.--Midias had a passion for quail-fights, and, besides,
+resembled that bird physically.
+
+[326] Pisthetaerus' servant, already mentioned.
+
+[327] From the inspection of which auguries were taken, e.g. the eagles,
+the vultures, the crows.
+
+[328] Or rather, a young man who contemplated parricide.
+
+[329] A parody of verses in Sophocles' 'Oenomaus.'
+
+[330] The Athenians were then besieging Amphipolis in the Thracian
+Chalcidicé.
+
+[331] There was a real Cinesias--a dithyrambic poet, born at Thebes.
+
+[332] The Scholiast thinks that Cinesias, who was tall and slight of
+build, wore a kind of corset of lime-wood to support his waist--surely
+rather a far-fetched interpretation!
+
+[333] The Greek word used here was the word of command employed to stop
+the rowers.
+
+[334] Cinesias makes a bound each time that Pisthetaerus struck him.
+
+[335] The tribes of Athens, or rather the rich citizens belonging to
+them, were wont on feast-days to give representations of dithyrambic
+choruses as well as of tragedies and comedies.
+
+[336] Another dithyrambic poet, a man of extreme leanness.
+
+[337] A parody of a hemistich from 'Alcaeus.'--The informer is
+dissatisfied at only seeing birds of sombre plumage and poor appearance.
+He would have preferred to denounce the rich.
+
+[338] The informer, says the Scholiast, was clothed with a ragged cloak,
+the tatters of which hung down like wings, in fact, a cloak that could
+not protect him from the cold and must have made him long for the
+swallows' return, i.e. the spring.
+
+[339] A town in Achaia, where woollen cloaks were made.
+
+[340] His trade was to accuse the rich citizens of the subject islands,
+and drag them before the Athenian courts; he explains later the special
+advantages of this branch of the informer's business.
+
+[341] That is, whips--Corcyra being famous for these articles.
+
+[342] Cleonymus is a standing butt of Aristophanes' wit, both as an
+informer and a notorious poltroon.
+
+[343] In allusion to the cave of the bandit Orestes; the poet terms him a
+hero only because of his heroic name Orestes.
+
+[344] Prometheus wants night to come and so reduce the risk of being seen
+from Olympus.
+
+[345] The clouds would prevent Zeus seeing what was happening below him.
+
+[346] The third day of the festival of Demeter was a fast.
+
+[347] A semi-savage people, addicted to violence and brigandage.
+
+[348] Who, being reputed a stranger despite his pretension to the title
+of a citizen, could only have a strange god for his patron or tutelary
+deity.
+
+[349] The Triballi were a Thracian people; it was a term commonly used in
+Athens to describe coarse men, obscene debauchees and greedy parasites.
+
+[350] There is a similar pun in the Greek.
+
+[351] i.e. the _supremacy_ of Greece, the real object of the war.
+
+[352] Prometheus had stolen the fire from the gods to gratify mankind.
+
+[353] A celebrated misanthrope, contemporary to Aristophanes. Hating the
+society of men, he had only a single friend, Apimantus, to whom he was
+attached, because of their similarity of character; he also liked
+Alcibiades, because he foresaw that this young man would be the ruin of
+his country.
+
+[354] The Canephori were young maidens, chosen from the first families of
+the city, who carried baskets wreathed with myrtle at the feast of
+Athené, while at those of Bacchus and Demeter they appeared with gilded
+baskets.--The daughters of 'Metics,' or resident aliens, walked behind
+them, carrying an umbrella and a stool.
+
+[355] According to Ctesias, the Sciapodes were a people who dwelt on the
+borders of the Atlantic. Their feet were larger than the rest of their
+bodies, and to shield themselves from the sun's rays they held up one of
+their feet as an umbrella.--By giving the Socratic philosophers the name
+of Sciapodes here ([Greek: _podes_], feet, and [Greek: _skia_], shadow)
+Aristophanes wishes to convey that they are walking in the dark and
+busying themselves with the greatest nonsense.
+
+[356] This Pisander was a notorious coward; for this reason the poet
+jestingly supposes that he had lost his soul, the seat of courage.
+
+[357] A [Greek: para prosdokian], considering the shape and height of the
+camel, which can certainly not be included in the list of _small_
+victims, e.g. the sheep and the goat.
+
+[358] In the evocation of the dead, Book XI of the Odyssey.
+
+[359] Chaerephon was given this same title by the Herald earlier in this
+comedy.--Aristophanes supposes him to have come from hell because he is
+lean and pallid.
+
+[360] Posidon appears on the stage accompanied by Heracles and a
+Triballian god.
+
+[361] An Athenian general.--Neptune is trying to give Triballus some
+notions of elegance and good behaviour.
+
+[362] Aristophanes supposes that democracy is in the ascendant in Olympus
+as it is in Athens.
+
+[363] He is addressing his servant, Manes.
+
+[364] Heracles softens at sight of the food.--Heracles is the glutton of
+the comic poets.
+
+[365] He pretends not to have seen them at first, being so much engaged
+with his cookery.
+
+[366] He pretends to forget the presence of the ambassadors.
+
+[367] Posidon jestingly swears by himself.
+
+[368] The barbarian god utters some gibberish which Pisthetaerus
+interprets into consent.
+
+[369] Heracles, the god of strength, was far from being remarkable in the
+way of cleverness.
+
+[370] This was Athenian law.
+
+[371] The poet attributes to the gods the same customs as those which
+governed Athens, and according to which no child was looked upon as
+legitimate unless his father had entered him on the registers of his
+phratria. The phratria was a division of the tribe and consisted of
+thirty families.
+
+[372] The chorus continues to tell what it has seen on its flights.
+
+[373] The harbour of the island of Chios; but this name is here used in
+the sense of being the land of informers ([Greek: phainein], to
+denounce).
+
+[374] i.e. near the orators' platform, or [Greek: B_ema], in the Public
+Assembly, or [Greek: Ekkl_esia], because there stood the [Greek:
+klepsudra], or water-clock, by which speeches were limited.
+
+[375] A coined name, made up of [Greek: gl_otta], the tongue, and [Greek:
+gast_er], the stomach, and meaning those who fill their stomach with what
+they gain with their tongues, to wit, the orators.
+
+[376] [Greek: Sukon] a fig, forms part of the word, [Greek:
+sukophant_es], which in Greek means an informer.
+
+[377] Both rhetoricians.
+
+[378] Because they consecrated it specially to the god of eloquence.
+
+[379] Basileia, whom he brings back from heaven.
+
+[380] Terms used in regulating a dance.
+
+[381] Where Pisthetaerus is henceforth to reign.
+
+
+
+
+THE FROGS
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+Like 'The Birds' this play rather avoids politics than otherwise, its
+leading _motif_, over and above the pure fun and farce for their own sake
+of the burlesque descent into the infernal regions, being a literary one,
+an onslaught on Euripides the Tragedian and all his works and ways.
+
+It was produced in the year 405 B.C., the year after 'The Birds,' and
+only one year before the Peloponnesian War ended disastrously for the
+Athenian cause in the capture of the city by Lysander. First brought out
+at the Lenaean festival in January, it was played a second time at the
+Dionysia in March of the same year--a far from common honour. The drama
+was not staged in the Author's own name, we do not know for what reasons,
+but it won the first prize, Phrynichus' 'Muses' being second.
+
+The plot is as follows. The God Dionysus, patron of the Drama, is
+dissatisfied with the condition of the Art of Tragedy at Athens, and
+resolves to descend to Hades in order to bring back again to earth one of
+the old tragedians--Euripides, he thinks, for choice. Dressing himself
+up, lion's skin and club complete, as Heracles, who has performed the
+same perilous journey before, and accompanied by his slave Xanthias (a
+sort of classical Sancho Panza) with the baggage, he starts on the
+fearful expedition.
+
+Coming to the shores of Acheron, he is ferried over in Charon's
+boat--Xanthias has to walk round--the First Chorus of Marsh Frogs (from
+which the play takes its title) greeting him with prolonged croakings.
+Approaching Pluto's Palace in fear and trembling, he knocks timidly at
+the gate. Being presently admitted, he finds a contest on the point of
+being held before the King of Hades and the Initiates of the Eleusinian
+Mysteries, who form the Second Chorus, between Aeschylus, the present
+occupant of the throne of tragic excellence in hell, and the pushing,
+self-satisfied, upstart Euripides, who is for ousting him from his pride
+of place.
+
+Each poet quotes in turn from his Dramas, and the indignant Aeschylus
+makes fine fun of his rival's verses, and shows him up in the usual
+Aristophanic style as a corrupter of morals, a contemptible casuist, and
+a professor of the dangerous new learning of the Sophists, so justly held
+in suspicion by true-blue Athenian Conservatives. Eventually a pair of
+scales is brought in, and verses alternately spouted by the two
+candidates are weighed against each other, the mighty lines of the Father
+of Tragedy making his flippant, finickin little rival's scale kick the
+beam every time.
+
+Dionysus becomes a convert to the superior merits of the old school of
+tragedy, and contemptuously dismisses Euripides, to take Aeschylus back
+with him to the upper world instead, leaving Sophocles meantime in
+occupation of the coveted throne of tragedy in the nether regions.
+
+Needless to say, the various scenes of the journey to Hades, the crossing
+of Acheron, the Frogs' choric songs, and the trial before Pluto, afford
+opportunities for much excellent fooling in our Author's very finest vein
+of drollery, and "seem to have supplied the original idea for those
+modern burlesques upon the Olympian and Tartarian deities which were at
+one time so popular."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FROGS
+
+
+DRAMATIS PERSONAE
+
+DIONYSUS.
+XANTHIAS, his Servant.
+HERACLES.
+A DEAD MAN.
+CHARON.
+AEACUS.
+FEMALE ATTENDANT OF PERSEPHONÉ.
+INKEEPERS' WIVES.
+EURIPIDES.
+AESCHYLUS.
+PLUTO.
+CHORUS OF FROGS.
+CHORUS OF INITIATES.
+
+SCENE: In front of the temple of Heracles, and on the banks of Acheron in
+the Infernal Regions.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE FROGS
+
+
+XANTHIAS. Now am I to make one of those jokes that have the knack of
+always making the spectators laugh?
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, certainly, any one you like, excepting "I am worn out."
+Take care you don't say that, for it gets on my nerves.
+
+XANTHIAS. Do you want some other drollery?
+
+DIONYSUS. Yes, only not, "I am quite broken up."
+
+XANTHIAS. Then what witty thing shall I say?
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, take courage; only ...
+
+XANTHIAS. Only what?
+
+DIONYSUS. ... don't start saying as you shift your package from shoulder
+to shoulder, "Ah! that's a relief!"
+
+XANTHIAS. May I not at least say, that unless I am relieved of this
+cursed load I shall let wind?
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! for pity's sake, no! you don't want to make me spew.
+
+XANTHIAS. What need then had I to take this luggage, if I must not copy
+the porters that Phrynichus, Lycis and Amipsias[382] never fail to put on
+the stage?
+
+DIONYSUS. Do nothing of the kind. Whenever I chance to see one of these
+stage tricks, I always leave the theatre feeling a good year older.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! my poor back! you are broken and I am not allowed to make a
+single joke.
+
+DIONYSUS. Just mark the insolence of this Sybarite! I, Dionysus, the son
+of a ... wine-jar,[383] I walk, I tire myself, and I set yonder rascal
+upon an ass, that he may not have the burden of carrying his load.
+
+XANTHIAS. But am I not carrying it?
+
+DIONYSUS. No, since you are on your beast.
+
+XANTHIAS. Nevertheless I am carrying this....
+
+DIONYSUS. What?
+
+XANTHIAS. ... and it is very heavy.
+
+DIONYSUS. But this burden you carry is borne by the ass.
+
+XANTHIAS. What I have here, 'tis certainly I who bear it, and not the
+ass, no, by all the gods, most certainly not!
+
+DIONYSUS. How can you claim to be carrying it, when you are carried?
+
+XANTHIAS. That I can't say; but this shoulder is broken, anyhow.
+
+DIONYSUS. Well then, since you say that the ass is no good to you, pick
+her up in your turn and carry her.
+
+XANTHIAS. What a pity I did not fight at sea;[384] I would baste your
+ribs for that joke.
+
+DIONYSUS. Dismount, you clown! Here is a door,[385] at which I want to
+make my first stop. Hi! slave! hi! hi! slave!
+
+HERACLES (_from inside the Temple_). Do you want to beat in the door? He
+knocks like a Centaur.[386] Why, what's the matter?
+
+DIONYSUS. Xanthias!
+
+XANTHIAS. Well?
+
+DIONYSUS. Did you notice?
+
+XANTHIAS. What?
+
+DIONYSUS. How I frightened him?
+
+XANTHIAS. Bah! you're mad!
+
+HERACLES. Ho, by Demeter! I cannot help laughing; it's no use biting my
+lips, I must laugh.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come out, friend; I have need of you.
+
+HERACLES. Oh! 'tis enough to make a fellow hold his sides to see this
+lion's-skin over a saffron robe![387] What does this mean? Buskins[388]
+and a bludgeon! What connection have they? Where are you off to in this
+rig?
+
+DIONYSUS. When I went aboard Clisthenes[389]....
+
+HERACLES. Did you fight?
+
+DIONYSUS. We sank twelve or thirteen ships of the enemy.
+
+HERACLES. You?
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, by Apollo!
+
+HERACLES. You have dreamt it.[390]
+
+DIONYSUS. As I was reading the 'Andromeda'[391] on the ship, I suddenly
+felt my heart afire with a wish so violent....
+
+HERACLES. A wish! of what nature?
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh, quite small, like Molon.[392]
+
+HERACLES. You wished for a woman?
+
+DIONYSUS. No.
+
+HERACLES. A young boy, then?
+
+DIONYSUS. Nothing of the kind.
+
+HERACLES. A man?
+
+DIONYSUS. Faugh!
+
+HERACLES. Might you then have had dealings with Clisthenes?
+
+DIONYSUS. Have mercy, brother; no mockery! I am quite ill, so greatly
+does my desire torment me!
+
+HERACLES. And what desire is it, little brother?
+
+DIONYSUS. I cannot disclose it, but I will convey it to you by hints.
+Have you ever been suddenly seized with a desire for pea-soup?
+
+HERACLES. For pea-soup! oh! oh! yes, a thousand times in my life.[393]
+
+DIONYSUS. Do you take me or shall I explain myself in some other way?
+
+HERACLES. Oh! as far as the pea-soup is concerned, I understand
+marvellously well.
+
+DIONYSUS. So great is the desire, which devours me, for Euripides.
+
+HERACLES. But he is dead.[394]
+
+DIONYSUS. There is no human power can prevent my going to him.
+
+HERACLES. To the bottom of Hades?
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, and further than the bottom, an it need.
+
+HERACLES. And what do you want with him?
+
+DIONYSUS. I want a master poet; "some are dead and gone, and others are
+good for nothing."[395]
+
+HERACLES. Is Iophon[396] dead then?
+
+DIONYSUS. He is the only good one left me, and even of him I don't know
+quite what to think.
+
+HERACLES. Then there's Sophocles, who is greater than Euripides; if you
+must absolutely bring someone back from Hades, why not make him live
+again?
+
+DIONYSUS. No, not until I have taken Iophon by himself and tested him for
+what he is worth. Besides, Euripides is very artful and won't leave a
+stone unturned to get away with me, whereas Sophocles is as easy-going
+with Pluto as he was when on earth.
+
+HERACLES. And Agathon? Where is he?[397]
+
+DIONYSUS. He has left me; 'twas a good poet and his friends regret him.
+
+HERACLES. And whither has the poor fellow gone?
+
+DIONYSUS. To the banquet of the blest.
+
+HERACLES. And Xenocles?[398]
+
+DIONYSUS. May the plague seize him!
+
+HERACLES. And Pythangelus?[399]
+
+XANTHIAS. They don't say ever a word of poor me, whose shoulder is quite
+shattered.
+
+HERACLES. Is there not a crowd of other little lads, who produce
+tragedies by the thousand and are a thousand times more loquacious than
+Euripides?
+
+DIONYSUS. They are little sapless twigs, chatterboxes, who twitter like
+the swallows, destroyers of the art, whose aptitude is withered with a
+single piece and who sputter forth all their talent to the tragic Muse at
+their first attempt. But look where you will, you will not find a
+creative poet who gives vent to a noble thought.
+
+HERACLES. How creative?
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, creative, who dares to risk "the ethereal dwellings of
+Zeus," or "the wing of Time," or "a heart that is above swearing by the
+sacred emblems," and "a tongue that takes an oath, while yet the soul is
+unpledged."[400]
+
+HERACLES. Is that the kind of thing that pleases you?
+
+DIONYSUS. I'm more than madly fond of it.
+
+HERACLES. But such things are simply idiotic, you feel it yourself.
+
+DIONYSUS. "Don't come trespassing on my mind; you have a brain of your
+own to keep thoughts in."[401]
+
+HERACLES. But nothing could be more detestable.
+
+DIONYSUS. Where cookery is concerned, you can be my master.[402]
+
+XANTHIAS. They don't say a thing about me!
+
+DIONYSUS. If I have decked myself out according to your pattern, 'tis
+that you may tell me, in case I should need them, all about the hosts who
+received you, when you journeyed to Cerberus; tell me of them as well as
+of the harbours, the bakeries, the brothels, the drinking-shops, the
+fountains, the roads, the eating-houses and of the hostels where there
+are the fewest bugs.
+
+XANTHIAS. They never speak of me.[403]
+
+HERACLES. Go down to hell? Will you be ready to dare that, you madman?
+
+DIONYSUS. Enough of that; but tell me the shortest road, that is neither
+too hot nor too cold, to get down to Pluto.
+
+HERACLES. Let me see, what is the best road to show you? Aye, which? Ah!
+there's the road of the gibbet and the rope. Go and hang yourself.
+
+DIONYSUS. Be silent! your road is choking me.
+
+HERACLES. There is another path, both very short and well-trodden; the
+one that goes through the mortar.[404]
+
+DIONYSUS. 'Tis hemlock you mean to say.
+
+HERACLES. Precisely so.
+
+DIONYSUS. That road is both cold and icy. Your legs get frozen at
+once.[405]
+
+HERACLES. Do you want me to tell you a very steep road, one that descends
+very quickly?
+
+DIONYSUS. Ah! with all my heart; I don't like long walks.
+
+HERACLES. Go to the Ceramicus.[406]
+
+DIONYSUS. And then?
+
+HERACLES. Mount to the top of the highest tower ...
+
+DIONYSUS. To do what?
+
+HERACLES. ... and there keep your eye on the torch, which is to be the
+signal. When the spectators demand it to be flung, fling yourself ...
+
+DIONYSUS. Where?
+
+HERACLES. ... down.
+
+DIONYSUS. But I should break the two hemispheres of my brain. Thanks for
+your road, but I don't want it.
+
+HERACLES. But which one then?
+
+DIONYSUS. The one you once travelled yourself.
+
+HERACLES. Ah! that's a long journey. First you will reach the edge of the
+vast, deep mere of Acheron.
+
+DIONYSUS. And how is that to be crossed?
+
+HERACLES. There is an ancient ferryman, Charon by name, who will pass you
+over in his little boat for a diobolus.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! what might the diobolus has everywhere! But however has it
+got as far as that?
+
+HERACLES. 'Twas Theseus who introduced its vogue.[407] After that you
+will see snakes and all sorts of fearful monsters ...
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! don't try to frighten me and make me afraid, for I am quite
+decided.
+
+HERACLES. ... then a great slough with an eternal stench, a veritable
+cesspool, into which those are plunged who have wronged a guest, cheated
+a young boy out of the fee for his complaisance, beaten their mother,
+boxed their father's ears, taken a false oath or transcribed some tirade
+of Morsimus.[408]
+
+DIONYSUS. For mercy's sake, add likewise--or learnt the Pyrrhic dance of
+Cinesias.[409]
+
+HERACLES. Further on 'twill be a gentle concert of flutes on every side,
+a brilliant light, just as there is here, myrtle groves, bands of happy
+men and women and noisy plaudits.
+
+DIONYSUS. Who are these happy folk?
+
+HERACLES. The initiate.[410]
+
+XANTHIAS. And I am the ass that carries the Mysteries;[411] but I've had
+enough of it.
+
+HERACLES. They will give you all the information you will need, for they
+live close to Pluto's palace, indeed on the road that leads to it.
+Farewell, brother, and an agreeable journey to you. (_He returns into his
+Temple._)
+
+DIONYSUS. And you, good health. Slave! take up your load again.
+
+XANTHIAS. Before having laid it down?
+
+DIONYSUS. And be quick about it too.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh, no, I adjure you! Rather hire one of the dead, who is going
+to Hades.
+
+DIONYSUS. And should I not find one....
+
+XANTHIAS. Then you can take me.
+
+DIONYSUS. You talk sense. Ah! here they are just bringing a dead man
+along. Hi! man, 'tis you I'm addressing, you, dead fellow there! Will you
+carry a package to Pluto for me?
+
+DEAD MAN. Is't very heavy?
+
+DIONYSUS. This. (_He shows him the baggage, which Xanthias has laid on
+the ground._)
+
+DEAD MAN. You will pay me two drachmae.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! that's too dear.
+
+DEAD MAN. Well then, bearers, move on.
+
+DIONYSUS. Stay, friend, so that I may bargain with you.
+
+DEAD MAN. Give me two drachmae, or it's no deal.
+
+DIONYSUS. Hold! here are nine obols.
+
+DEAD MAN. I would sooner go back to earth again.
+
+XANTHIAS. Is that cursed rascal putting on airs? Come, then, I'll go.
+
+DIONYSUS. You're a good and noble fellow. Let us make the best of our way
+to the boat.
+
+CHARON. Ahoy, ahoy! put ashore.
+
+XANTHIAS. What's that?
+
+DIONYSUS. Why, by Zeus, 'tis the mere of which Heracles spoke, and I see
+the boat.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! there's Charon.
+
+DIONYSUS. Hail! Charon.
+
+DEAD MAN. Hail! Charon.
+
+CHARON. Who comes hither from the home of cares and misfortunes to rest
+on the banks of Lethé? Who comes to the ass's fleece, who is for the land
+of the Cerberians, or the crows, or Taenarus?
+
+DIONYSUS. I am.
+
+CHARON. Get aboard quick then.
+
+DIONYSUS. Where will you ferry me to? Where are you going to land me?
+
+CHARON. In hell, if you wish. But step in, do.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come here, slave.
+
+CHARON. I carry no slave, unless he has fought at sea to save his skin.
+
+XANTHIAS. But I could not, for my eyes were bad.
+
+CHARON. Well then! be off and walk round the mere.
+
+XANTHIAS. Where shall I come to a halt?
+
+CHARON. At the stone of Auaenus, near the drinking-shop.
+
+DIONYSUS. Do you understand?
+
+XANTHIAS. Perfectly. Oh! unhappy wretch that I am, surely, surely I must
+have met something of evil omen as I came out of the house?[412]
+
+CHARON. Come, sit to your oar. If there be anyone else who wants to
+cross, let him hurry. Hullo! what are you doing?
+
+DIONYSUS. What am I doing? I am sitting on the oar[413] as you told me.
+
+CHARON. Will you please have the goodness to place yourself there,
+pot-belly?
+
+DIONYSUS. There.
+
+CHARON. Put out your hands, stretch your arms.
+
+DIONYSUS. There.
+
+CHARON. No tomfoolery! row hard, and put some heart into the work!
+
+DIONYSUS. Row! and how can I? I, who have never set foot on a ship?
+
+CHARON. There's nothing easier; and once you're at work, you will hear
+some enchanting singers.
+
+DIONYSUS. Who are they?
+
+CHARON. Frogs with the voices of swans; 'tis most delightful.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, set the stroke.
+
+CHARON. Yo ho! yo ho!
+
+FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax, brekekekekex, coax. Slimy offspring of the
+marshland, let our harmonious voices mingle with the sounds of the flute,
+coax, coax! let us repeat the songs that we sing in honour of the Nysaean
+Dionysus[414] on the day of the feast of pots,[415] when the drunken
+throng reels towards our temple in the Limnae.[416] Brekekekex, coax,
+coax.
+
+DIONYSUS. I am beginning to feel my bottom getting very sore, my dear
+little coax, coax.
+
+FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax.
+
+DIONYSUS. But doubtless you don't care.
+
+FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax.
+
+DIONYSUS. May you perish with your coax, your endless coax!
+
+FROGS. And why change it, you great fool? I am beloved by the Muses with
+the melodious lyre, by the goat-footed Pan, who draws soft tones out of
+his reed; I am the delight of Apollo, the god of the lyre, because I make
+the rushes, which are used for the bridge of the lyre, grow in my
+marshes. Brekekekex, coax, coax.
+
+DIONYSUS. I have got blisters and my behind is all of a sweat; by dint of
+constant movement, it will soon be saying....
+
+FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, race of croakers, be quiet.
+
+FROGS. Not we; we shall only cry the louder. On fine sunny days, it
+pleases us to hop through galingale and sedge and to sing while we swim;
+and when Zeus is pouring down his rain, we join our lively voices to the
+rustle of the drops. Brekekekex, coax, coax.
+
+DIONYSUS. I forbid you to do it.
+
+FROGS. Oh! that would be too hard!
+
+DIONYSUS. And is it not harder for me to wear myself out with rowing?
+
+FROGS. Brekekekex, coax, coax.
+
+DIONYSUS. May you perish! I don't care.
+
+FROGS. And from morning till night we will shriek with the whole width of
+our gullets, "Brekekekex, coax, coax."
+
+DIONYSUS. I will cry louder than you all.
+
+FROGS. Oh! don't do that!
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh, yes, I will. I shall cry the whole day, if necessary, until
+I no longer hear your coax. (_He begins to cry against the frogs, who
+finally stop._) Ah! I knew I would soon put an end to your coax.
+
+CHARON. Enough, enough, a last pull, ship oars, step ashore and pay your
+passage money.
+
+DIONYSUS. Look! here are my two obols.... Xanthias! where is Xanthias?
+Hi! Xanthias!
+
+XANTHIAS (_from a distance_). Hullo!
+
+DIONYSUS. Come here.
+
+XANTHIAS. I greet you, master.
+
+DIONYSUS. What is there that way?
+
+XANTHIAS. Darkness and mud!
+
+DIONYSUS. Did you see the parricides and the perjured he told us of?
+
+XANTHIAS. Did you?
+
+DIONYSUS. Ha! by Posidon! I see some of them now.[417] Well, what are we
+going to do?
+
+XANTHIAS. The best is to go on, for 'tis here that the horrible monsters
+are, Heracles told us of.
+
+DIONYSUS. Ah! the wag! He spun yarns to frighten me, but I am a brave
+fellow and he is jealous of me. There exists no greater braggart than
+Heracles. Ah! I wish I might meet some monster, so as to distinguish
+myself by some deed of daring worthy of my daring journey.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! hark! I hear a noise.
+
+DIONYSUS (_all of a tremble_). Where then, where?
+
+XANTHIAS. Behind you.
+
+DIONYSUS. Place yourself behind me.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! 'tis in front now.
+
+DIONYSUS. Then pass to the front.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! what a monster I can see!
+
+DIONYSUS. What's it like?
+
+XANTHIAS. Dreadful, terrible! it assumes every shape; now 'tis a bull,
+then a mule; again it is a most beautiful woman.
+
+DIONYSUS. Where is she that I may run toward her?
+
+XANTHIAS. The monster is no longer a woman; 'tis now a dog.
+
+DIONYSUS. Then it is the Empusa.[418]
+
+XANTHIAS. Its whole face is ablaze.
+
+DIONYSUS. And it has a brazen leg?
+
+XANTHIAS. Aye, i' faith! and the other is an ass's leg,[419] rest well
+assured of that.
+
+DIONYSUS. Where shall I fly to?
+
+XANTHIAS. And I?
+
+DIONYSUS. Priest,[420] save me, that I may drink with you.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! mighty Heracles! we are dead men.
+
+DIONYSUS. Silence! I adjure you. Don't utter that name.
+
+XANTHIAS. Well then, we are dead men, Dionysus!
+
+DIONYSUS. That still less than the other.
+
+XANTHIAS. Keep straight on, master, here, here, this way.
+
+DIONYSUS. Well?
+
+XANTHIAS. Be at ease, all goes well and we can say with Hegelochus,
+"After the storm, I see the return of the _cat_."[421] The Empusa has
+gone.
+
+DIONYSUS. Swear it to me.
+
+XANTHIAS. By Zeus!
+
+DIONYSUS. Swear it again.
+
+XANTHIAS. By Zeus!
+
+DIONYSUS. Once more.
+
+XANTHIAS. By Zeus!
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! my god! how white I went at the sight of the Empusa! But
+yonder fellow got red instead, so horribly afraid was he![422] Alas! to
+whom do I owe this terrible meeting? What god shall I accuse of having
+sought my death? Might it be "the Aether, the dwelling of Zeus," or "the
+wing of Time"?[423]
+
+XANTHIAS. Hist!
+
+DIONYSUS. What's the matter?
+
+XANTHIAS. Don't you hear?
+
+DIONYSUS. What then?
+
+XANTHIAS. The sound of flutes.
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, certainly, and the wind wafts a smell of torches hither,
+which bespeaks the Mysteries a league away. But make no noise; let us
+hide ourselves and listen.
+
+CHORUS.[424] Iacchus, oh! Iacchus! Iacchus, oh! Iacchus!
+
+XANTHIAS. Master, these are the initiates, of whom Heracles spoke and who
+are here at their sports; they are incessantly singing of Iacchus, just
+like Diagoras.[425]
+
+DIONYSUS. I believe you are right, but 'tis best to keep ourselves quiet
+till we get better information.
+
+CHORUS. Iacchus, venerated god, hasten at our call. Iacchus, oh! Iacchus!
+come into this meadow, thy favourite resting-place; come to direct the
+sacred choirs of the Initiate; may a thick crown of fruit-laden myrtle
+branches rest on thy head and may thy bold foot step this free and joyful
+dance, taught us by the Graces--this pure, religious measure, that our
+sacred choirs rehearse.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! thou daughter of Demeter, both mighty and revered, what a
+delicious odour of pork!
+
+DIONYSUS. Cannot you keep still then, fellow, once you get a whiff of a
+bit of tripe?
+
+CHORUS. Brandish the flaming torches and so revive their brilliancy.
+Iacchus, oh! Iacchus! bright luminary of our nocturnal Mysteries. The
+meadow sparkles with a thousand fires; the aged shake off the weight of
+cares and years; they have once more found limbs of steel, wherewith to
+take part in thy sacred measures; and do thou, blessed deity, lead the
+dances of youth upon this dewy carpet of flowers with a torch in thine
+hand.
+
+Silence, make way for our choirs, you profane and impure souls, who have
+neither been present at the festivals of the noble Muses, nor ever footed
+a dance in their honour, and who are not initiated into the mysterious
+language of the dithyrambs of the voracious Cratinus;[426] away from here
+he who applauds misplaced buffoonery. Away from here the bad citizen, who
+for his private ends fans and nurses the flame of sedition, the chief who
+sells himself, when his country is weathering the storms, and surrenders
+either fortresses or ships; who, like Thorycion,[427] the wretched
+collector of tolls, sends prohibited goods from Aegina to Epidaurus, such
+as oar-leathers, sailcloth and pitch, and who secures a subsidy for a
+hostile fleet,[428] or soils the statues of Hecaté,[429] while he is
+humming some dithyramb. Away from here, the orator who nibbles at the
+salary of the poets, because he has been scouted in the ancient
+solemnities of Dionysus; to all such I say, and I repeat, and I say it
+again for the third time, "Make way for the choruses of the Initiate."
+But you, raise you your voice anew; resume your nocturnal hymns as it is
+meet to do at this festival.
+
+Let each one advance boldly into the retreats of our flowery meads, let
+him mingle in our dances, let him give vent to jesting, to wit and to
+satire. Enough of junketing, lead forward! let our voices praise the
+divine protectress[430] with ardent love, yea! praise her, who promises
+to assure the welfare of this country for ever, in spite of Thorycion.
+
+Let our hymns now be addressed to Demeter, the Queen of Harvest, the
+goddess crowned with ears of corn; to her be dedicated the strains of our
+divine concerts. Oh! Demeter, who presidest over the pure mysteries, help
+us and protect thy choruses; far from all danger, may I continually yield
+myself to sports and dancing, mingle laughter with seriousness, as is
+fitting at thy festivals, and as the reward for my biting sarcasms may I
+wreathe my head with the triumphal fillets. And now let our songs summon
+hither the lovable goddess, who so often joins in our dances.
+
+Oh, venerated Dionysus, who hast created such soft melodies for this
+festival, come to accompany us to the goddess, show that you can traverse
+a long journey without wearying.[431] Dionysus, the king of the dance,
+guide my steps. 'Tis thou who, to raise a laugh and for the sake of
+economy,[432] hast torn our sandals and our garments; let us bound, let
+us dance at our pleasure, for we have nothing to spoil. Dionysus, king of
+the dance, guide my steps. Just now I saw through a corner of my eye a
+ravishing young girl, the companion of our sports; I saw the nipple of
+her bosom peeping through a rent in her tunic. Dionysus, king of the
+dance, guide my steps.
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, I like to mingle with these choruses; I would fain dance
+and sport with that young girl.
+
+XANTHIAS. And I too.
+
+CHORUS. Would you like us to mock together at Archidemus? He is still
+awaiting his seven-year teeth to have himself entered as a citizen;[433]
+but he is none the less a chief of the people among the Athenians and the
+greatest rascal of 'em all. I am told that Clisthenes is tearing the hair
+out of his rump and lacerating his cheeks on the tomb of Sebinus, the
+Anaphlystian;[434] with his forehead against the ground, he is beating
+his bosom and groaning and calling him by name. As for Callias,[435] the
+illustrious son of Hippobinus, the new Heracles, he is fighting a
+terrible battle of love on his galleys; dressed up in a lion's skin, he
+fights a fierce naval battle--with the girls' cunts.
+
+DIONYSUS. Could you tell us where Pluto dwells? We are strangers and have
+just arrived.
+
+CHORUS. Go no farther, and know without further question that you are at
+his gates.
+
+DIONYSUS. Slave, pick up your baggage.
+
+XANTHIAS. This wretched baggage, 'tis like Corinth, the daughter of Zeus,
+for it's always in his mouth.[436]
+
+CHORUS. And now do ye, who take part in this religious festival, dance a
+gladsome round in the flowery grove in honour of the goddess.[437]
+
+DIONYSUS. As for myself, I will go with the young girls and the women
+into the enclosure, where the nocturnal ceremonies are held; 'tis I will
+bear the sacred torch.
+
+CHORUS. Let us go into the meadows, that are sprinkled with roses, to
+form, according to our rites, the graceful choirs, over which the blessed
+Fates preside. 'Tis for us alone that the sun doth shine; his glorious
+rays illumine the Initiate, who have led the pious life, that is equally
+dear to strangers and citizens.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come now! how should we knock at this door? How do the dwellers
+in these parts knock?
+
+XANTHIAS. Lose no time and attack the door with vigour, if you have the
+courage of Heracles as well as his costume.
+
+DIONYSUS. Ho! there! Slave!
+
+AEACUS. Who's there?
+
+DIONYSUS. Heracles, the bold.
+
+AEACUS. Ah! wretched, impudent, shameless, threefold rascal, the most
+rascally of rascals. Ah! 'tis you who hunted out our dog Cerberus, whose
+keeper I was! But I have got you to-day; and the black stones of Styx,
+the rocks of Acheron, from which the blood is dripping, and the roaming
+dogs of Cocytus shall account to me for you; the hundred-headed Hydra
+shall tear your sides to pieces; the Tartessian Muraena[438] shall fasten
+itself on your lungs and the Tithrasian[439] Gorgons shall tear your
+kidneys and your gory entrails to shreds; I will go and fetch them as
+quickly as possible.
+
+XANTHIAS. Eh! what are you doing there?
+
+DIONYSUS (_stooping down_). I have just shit myself! Invoke the god.[440]
+
+XANTHIAS. Get up at once. How a stranger would laugh, if he saw you.
+
+DIONYSUS. Ah! I'm fainting. Place a sponge on my heart.
+
+XANTHIAS. Here, take it.
+
+DIONYSUS. Place it yourself.
+
+XANTHIAS. But where? Good gods, where _is_ your heart?
+
+DIONYSUS. It has sunk into my shoes with fear. (_Takes his slave's hand
+holding the sponge, and applies it to his bottom._)
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh! you most cowardly of gods and men!
+
+DIONYSUS. What! I cowardly? I, who have asked you for a sponge! 'Tis what
+no one else would have done.
+
+XANTHIAS. How so?
+
+DIONYSUS. A poltroon would have fallen backwards, being overcome with the
+fumes; as for me, I got up and moreover I wiped myself clean.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! by Posidon! a wonderful feat of intrepidity!
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, certainly. And you did not tremble at the sound of his
+threatening words?
+
+XANTHIAS. They never troubled me.
+
+DIONYSUS. Well then, since you are so brave and fearless, become what I
+am, take this bludgeon and this lion's hide, you, whose heart has no
+knowledge of fear; I, in return, will carry the baggage.
+
+XANTHIAS. Here, take it, take it quick! 'this my duty to obey you, and
+behold, Heracles-Xanthias! Do I look like a coward of your kidney?
+
+DIONYSUS. No. You are the exact image of the god of Melité,[441] dressed
+up as a rascal. Come, I will take the baggage.
+
+FEMALE ATTENDANT OF PERSEPHONÉ. Ah! is it you then, beloved Heracles?
+Come in. As soon as ever the goddess, my mistress Persephoné, knew of
+your arrival, she quickly had the bread into the oven and clapped two or
+three pots of bruised peas upon the fire; she has had a whole bullock
+roasted and both cakes and rolled backed. Come in quick!
+
+XANTHIAS. No, thank you.
+
+ATTENDANT. Oh! by Apollo! I shall not let you off. She has also had
+poultry boiled for you, sweetmeats makes, and has prepared you some
+delicious wine. Come then, enter with me.
+
+XANTHIAS. I am much obliged.
+
+ATTENDANT. Are you mad? I will not let you go. There is likewise and
+enchanted flute-girl specially for you, and two or three dancing wenches.
+
+XANTHIAS. What do you say? Dancing wenches?
+
+ATTENDANT. In the prime of their life and all freshly depilated. Come,
+enter, for the cook was going to take the fish off the fire and the table
+was being spread.
+
+XANTHIAS. Very well then! Run in quickly and tell the dancing-girls I am
+coming. Slave! pick up the baggage and follow me.
+
+DIONYSUS. Not so fast! Oh! indeed! I disguise you as Heracles for a joke
+and you take the thing seriously! None of your nonsense, Xanthias! Take
+back the baggage.
+
+XANTHIAS. What? You are not thinking of taking back what you gave me
+yourself?
+
+DIONYSUS. No, I don't think about it; I do it. Off with that skin!
+
+XANTHIAS. Witness how i am treated, ye great dogs, and be my judges!
+
+DIONYSUS. What gods? Are you so stupid, such a fool? How can you, a slave
+and a mortal, be the son of Alcmena?
+
+XANTHIAS. Come then! 'tis well! take them. But perhaps you will be
+needing me one day, an it please the gods.
+
+CHORUS. 'Tis the act of a wise and sensible man, who has done much
+sailing, always to trim his sail towards the quarter whence the fair wind
+wafts, rather than stand stiff and motionless like a god Terminus.[442]
+To change your part to serve your own interest is to act like a clever
+man, a true Theramenes.[443]
+
+DIONYSUS. Faith! 'twould be funny indeed if Xanthias, a slave, were
+indolently stretched out on purple cushions and fucking the dancing-girl;
+if he were then to ask me for a pot, while I, looking on, would be
+rubbing my tool, and this master rogue, on seeing it, were to know out my
+front teeth with a blow of his fist.
+
+FIRST INKEEPER'S WIFE. Here! Plathané, Plathané! do come! here is the
+rascal who once came into our shop and ate up sixteen loaves for us.
+
+SECOND INKEEPER'S WIFE. Aye, truly, 'tis he himself!
+
+XANTHIAS. This is turning out rough for somebody.
+
+FIRST WIFE. And besides that, twenty pieces of boiled meat at half an
+obolus apiece.
+
+XANTHIAS. There's someone going to get punished.
+
+FIRST WIFE. And I don't know how many cloves of garlic.
+
+DIONYSUS. You are rambling, my dear, you don't know what you are saying.
+
+FIRST WIFE. Hah! you thought I should not know you, because of your
+buskins! And then all the salt fish, I had forgotten that!
+
+SECOND WIFE. And then, alas! the fresh cheese that he devoured, osier
+baskets and all! Ten, when I asked for my money, he started to roar and
+shoot terrible looks at me.
+
+XANTHIAS. As! I recognize him well by that token; 'tis just his way.
+
+SECOND WIFE. And he drew out his sword like a madman.
+
+FIRST WIFE. By the gods, yes.
+
+SECOND WIFE. Terrified to death, we clambered up to the upper storey, and
+he fled at top speed, carrying off our baskets with him.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! this is again his style! But you ought to take action.
+
+FIRST WIFE. Run quick and call Cleon, my patron.
+
+SECOND WIFE. And you, should you run against Hyperbolus,[444] bring him
+to me; we will knock the life out of our robber.
+
+FIRST WIFE. Oh! you miserable glutton! how I should delight in breaking
+those grinders of yours, which devoured my goods!
+
+SECOND WIFE. And I in hurling you into the malefactor's pit.
+
+FIRST WIFE. And I in slitting with one stroke of the sickle that gullet
+that bolted down the tripe. But I am going to fetch Cleon; he shall
+summon you before the court this very day and force you to disgorge.
+
+DIONYSUS. May I die, if Xanthias is not my dearest friend.
+
+XANTHIAS. Can I be the son of Alcmena, I, a slave and a mortal?
+
+DIONYSUS. I know, I know, that you are in a fury and you have the right
+to be; you can even beat me and I will not reply. But if I ever take this
+costume from you again, may I die of the most fearful torture--I, my
+wife, my children, all those who belong to me, down to the very last, and
+blear-eyed Archidemus[445] into the bargain.
+
+XANTHIAS. I accept your oath, and on those terms I agree.
+
+CHORUS. 'Tis now your cue, since you have resumed the dress, to act the
+brave and to throw terror into your glance, thus recalling the god whom
+you represent. But if you play your part badly, if you yield to any
+weakness, you will again have to load your shoulders with the baggage.
+
+XANTHIAS. Friends, your advice is good, but I was thinking the same
+myself; if there is any good to be got, my master will again want to
+despoil me of this costume, of that I am quite certain. Ne'ertheless, I
+am going to show a fearless heart and shoot forth ferocious looks. And
+lo! the time for it has come, for I hear a noise at the door.
+
+AEACUS (_to his slaves_). Bind me this dog-thief,[446] that he may be
+punished. Hurry yourselves, hurry!
+
+DIONYSUS. This is going to turn out badly for someone.
+
+XANTHIAS. Look to yourselves and don't come near me.
+
+AEACUS. Hah! you would show fight! Ditylas, Sceblyas, Pardocas,[447] come
+here and have at him!
+
+DIONYSUS. Ah! you would strike him because he has stolen!
+
+XANTHIAS. 'Tis horrible!
+
+DIONYSUS. 'Tis a revolting cruelty!
+
+XANTHIAS. By Zeus! may I die, if I ever came here or stole from you the
+value of a pin!  But I will act nobly; take this slave, put him to the
+question, and if you obtain the proof of my guilt, put me to death.
+
+AEACUS. In what manner shall I put him to the question?
+
+XANTHIAS. In every manner; you may lash him to the wooden horse, hang
+him, cut him open with scourging, flay him, twist his limbs, pour vinegar
+down his nostrils, load him with bricks, anything you like; only don't
+beat him with leeks or fresh garlic.[448]
+
+AEACUS. 'Tis well conceived; but if the blows maim your slave, you will
+be claiming damages from me.
+
+XANTHIAS. No, certainly not! set about putting him to the question.
+
+AEACUS. It shall be done here, for I wish him to speak in your presence.
+Come, put down your pack, and be careful not to lie.
+
+DIONYSUS. I forbid you to torture me, for I am immortal; if you dare it,
+woe to you!
+
+AEACUS. What say you?
+
+DIONYSUS. I say that I am an immortal, Dionysus, the son of Zeus, and
+that this fellow is only a slave.
+
+AEACUS (_to Xanthias_). D'you hear him?
+
+XANTHIAS. Yes. 'Tis all the better reason for beating him with rods, for,
+if he is a god, he will not feel the blows.
+
+DIONYSUS (_to Xanthias_).
+
+But why, pray, since you also claim to be a god, should you not be beaten
+like myself?
+
+XANTHIAS (_to Aeacus_).
+
+That's fair. Very well then, whichever of us two you first see crying and
+caring for the blows, him believe not to be a god.
+
+
+AEACUS. 'Tis spoken like a brave fellow; you don't refuse what is right.
+Strip yourselves.
+
+XANTHIAS. To do the thing fairly, how do you propose to act?
+
+AEACUS. Oh! that's easy. I shall hit you one after the other.
+
+XANTHIAS. Well thought of.
+
+AEACUS. There! (_He strikes Xanthias_.)
+
+XANTHIAS. Watch if you see me flinch.
+
+AEACUS. I have already struck you.
+
+XANTHIAS. No, you haven't.
+
+AEACUS. Why, you have not felt it at all, I think. Now for t'other one.
+
+DIONYSUS. Be quick about it.
+
+AEACUS. But I have struck you.
+
+DIONYSUS. Ah! I did not even sneeze. How is that?
+
+AEACUS. I don't know; come, I will return to the first one.
+
+XANTHIAS. Get it over. Oh, oh!
+
+AEACUS. What does that "oh, oh!" mean? Did it hurt you?
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh, no! but I was thinking of the feasts of Heracles, which are
+being held at Diomeia.[449]
+
+AEACUS. Oh! what a pious fellow! I pass on to the other again.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! oh!
+
+AEACUS. What's wrong?
+
+DIONYSUS. I see some knights.[450]
+
+AEACUS. Why are you weeping?
+
+DIONYSUS. Because I can smell onions.
+
+AEACUS. Ha! so you don't care a fig for the blows?
+
+DIONYSUS. Not the least bit in the world.
+
+AEACUS. Well, let us proceed. Your turn now.
+
+XANTHIAS. Oh, I say!
+
+AEACUS. What's the matter?
+
+XANTHIAS. Pull out this thorn.[451]
+
+AEACUS. What? Now the other one again.
+
+DIONYSUS. "Oh, Apollo!... King of Delos and Delphi!"
+
+XANTHIAS. He felt that. Do you hear?
+
+DIONYSUS. Why, no! I was quoting an iambic of Hipponax.
+
+XANTHIAS. 'Tis labour in vain. Come, smite his flanks.
+
+AEACUS. No, present your belly.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh, Posidon ...
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! here's someone who's feeling it.
+
+DIONYSUS. ... who reignest on the Aegean headland and in the depths of
+the azure sea.[452]
+
+AEACUS. By Demeter, I cannot find out which of you is the god. But come
+in; the master and Persephoné will soon tell you, for they are gods
+themselves.
+
+DIONYSUS. You are quite right; but you should have thought of that before
+you beat us.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! Muse, take part in our sacred choruses; our songs will
+enchant you and you shall see a people of wise men, eager for a nobler
+glory than that of Cleophon,[453] the braggart, the swallow, who deafens
+us with his hoarse cries, while perched upon a Thracian tree. He whines
+in his barbarian tongue and repeats the lament of Philomela with good
+reason, for even if the votes were equally divided, he would have to
+perish.[454]
+
+The sacred chorus owes the city its opinion and its wise lessons. First I
+demand that equality be restored among the citizens, so that none may be
+disquieted. If there be any whom the artifices of Phrynichus have drawn
+into any error,[455] let us allow them to offer their excuses and let us
+forget these old mistakes. Furthermore, that there be not a single
+citizen in Athens who is deprived of his rights; otherwise would it not
+be shameful to see slaves become masters and treated as honourably as
+Plataeans, because they helped in a single naval fight?[456] Not that I
+censure this step, for, on the contrary I approve it; 'tis the sole thing
+you have done that is sensible. But those citizens, both they and their
+fathers, have so often fought with you and are allied to you by ties of
+blood, so ought you not to listen to their prayers and pardon them their
+single fault? Nature has given you wisdom, therefore let your anger cool
+and let all those who have fought together on Athenian galleys live in
+brotherhood and as fellow-citizens, enjoying the same equal rights; to
+show ourselves proud and intractable about granting the rights of the
+city, especially at a time when we are riding at the mercy of the
+waves,[457] is a folly, of which we shall later repent.
+
+If I am adept at reading the destiny or the soul of a man, the fatal hour
+for little Cligenes[458] is near, that unbearable ape, the greatest rogue
+of all the washermen, who use a mixture of ashes and Cimolian earth and
+call it potash.[458] He knows it; hence he is always armed for war; for
+he fears, if he ventures forth without his bludgeon, he would be stripped
+of his clothes when he is drunk.
+
+I have often noticed that there are good and honest citizens in Athens,
+who are as old gold is to new money. The ancient coins are excellent in
+point of standard; they are assuredly the best of all moneys; they alone
+are well struck and give a pure ring; everywhere they obtain currency,
+both in Greece and in strange lands; yet we make no use of them and
+prefer those bad copper pieces quite recently issued and so wretchedly
+struck. Exactly in the same way do we deal with our citizens. If we know
+them to be well-born, sober, brave, honest, adepts in the exercises of
+the gymnasium and in the liberal arts, they are the butts of our
+contumely and we have only a use for the petty rubbish, consisting of
+strangers, slaves and low-born folk not worth a whit more, mushrooms of
+yesterday, whom formerly Athens would not have even wanted as scapegoats.
+Madmen, do change your ways at last; employ the honest men afresh; if you
+are fortunate through doing this, 'twill be but right, and if Fate
+betrays you, the wise will at least praise you for having fallen
+honourably.
+
+AEACUS. By Zeus, the Deliverer! what a brave man your master is.
+
+XANTHIAS. A brave man! I should think so indeed, for he only knows how to
+drink and to make love!
+
+AEACUS. He has convicted you of lying and did not thrash the impudent
+rascal who had dared to call himself the master.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! he would have rued it if he had.
+
+AEACUS. Well spoken! that's a reply that does a slave credit; 'tis thus
+that I like to act too.
+
+XANTHIAS. How, pray?
+
+AEACUS. I am beside myself with joy, when I can curse my master in
+secret.
+
+XANTHIAS. And when you go off grumbling, after having been well thrashed?
+
+AEACUS. I am delighted.
+
+XANTHIAS. And when you make yourself important?
+
+AEACUS. I know of nothing sweeter.
+
+XANTHIAS. Ah! by Zeus! we are brothers. And when you are listening to
+what your masters are saying?
+
+AEACUS. 'Tis a pleasure that drives me to distraction.
+
+XANTHIAS. And when you repeat it to strangers?
+
+AEACUS. Oh! I feel as happy as if I were emitting semen.
+
+XANTHIAS. By Phoebus Apollo! reach me your hand; come hither, that I may
+embrace you; and, in the name of Zeus, the Thrashed one, tell me what all
+this noise means, these shouts, these quarrels, that I can hear going on
+inside yonder.
+
+AEACUS. 'Tis Aeschylus and Euripides.
+
+XANTHIAS. What do you mean?
+
+AEACUS. The matter is serious, very serious indeed; all Hades is in
+commotion.
+
+XANTHIAS. What's it all about?
+
+AEACUS. We have a law here, according to which, whoever in each of the
+great sciences and liberal arts beats all his rivals, is fed at the
+Prytaneum and sits at Pluto's side ...
+
+XANTHIAS. I know that.
+
+AEACUS. ... until someone cleverer than he in the same style of thing
+comes along; then he has to give way to him.
+
+XANTHIAS. And how has this law disturbed Aeschylus?
+
+AEACUS. He held the chair for tragedy, as being the greatest in his art.
+
+XANTHIAS. And who has it now?
+
+AEACUS. When Euripides descended here, he started reciting his verses to
+the cheats, cut-purses, parricides, and brigands, who abound in Hades;
+his supple and tortuous reasonings filled them with enthusiasm, and they
+pronounced him the cleverest by far. So Euripides, elated with pride,
+took possession of the throne on which Aeschylus was installed.
+
+XANTHIAS. And did he not get stoned?
+
+AEACUS. No, but the folk demanded loudly that a regular trial should
+decide to which of the two the highest place belonged.
+
+XANTHIAS. What folk? this mob of rascals? (_Points to the spectators._)
+
+AEACUS. Their clamour reached right up to heaven.
+
+XANTHIAS. And had Aeschylus not his friends too?
+
+AEACUS. Good people are very scarce here, just the same as on earth.
+
+XANTHIAS. What does Pluto reckon to do?
+
+AEACUS. To open a contest as soon as possible; the two rivals will show
+their skill, and finally a verdict will be given.
+
+XANTHIAS. What! has not Sophocles also claimed the chair then?
+
+AEACUS. No, no! he embraced Aeschylus and shook his hand, when he came
+down; he could have taken the seat, for Aeschylus vacated it for him; but
+according to Clidemides,[459] he prefers to act as his second; if
+Aeschylus triumphs, he will stay modestly where he is, but if not, he has
+declared that he will contest the prize with Euripides.
+
+XANTHIAS. When is the contest to begin?
+
+AEACUS. Directly! the battle royal is to take place on this very spot.
+Poetry is to be weighed in the scales.
+
+XANTHIAS. What? How can tragedy be weighed?
+
+AEACUS. They will bring rulers and compasses to measure the words, and
+those forms which are used for moulding bricks, also diameter measures
+and wedges, for Euripides says he wishes to torture every verse of his
+rival's tragedies.
+
+XANTHIAS. If I mistake not, Aeschylus must be in a rage.
+
+AEACUS. With lowered head he glares fiercely like a bull.
+
+XANTHIAS. And who will be the judge?
+
+AEACUS. The choice was difficult; it was seen that there was a dearth of
+able men. Aeschylus took exception to the Athenians ...
+
+XANTHIAS. No doubt he thought there were too many thieves among them.
+
+AEACUS. ... and moreover believed them too light-minded to judge of a
+poet's merits. Finally they fell back upon your master, because he
+understands tragic poetry.[460] But let us go in; when the masters are
+busy, we must look out for blows!
+
+CHORUS. Ah! what fearful wrath will be surging in his heart! what a roar
+there'll be when he sees the babbler who challenges him sharpening his
+teeth! how savagely his eyes will roll! What a battle of words like
+plumed helmets and waving crests hurling themselves against fragile
+outbursts and wretched parings! We shall see the ingenious architect of
+style defending himself against immense periods. Then, the close hairs of
+his thick mane all a-bristle, the giant will knit his terrible brow; he
+will pull out verses as solidly bolted together as the framework of a
+ship and will hurl them forth with a roar, while the pretty speaker with
+the supple and sharpened tongue, who weighs each syllable and submits
+everything to the lash of his envy, will cut this grand style to
+mincemeat and reduce to ruins this edifice erected by one good sturdy
+puff of breath.[461]
+
+EURIPIDES (_to Dionysus_). Your advice is in vain, I shall not vacate the
+chair, for I contend I am superior to him.
+
+DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, why do you keep silent? You understand what he says.
+
+EURIPIDES. He is going to stand on his dignity first; 'tis a trick he
+never failed to use in his tragedies.
+
+DIONYSUS. My dear fellow, a little less arrogance, please.
+
+EURIPIDES. Oh! I know him for many a day. I have long had a thorough hold
+of his ferocious heroes, for his high-flown language and of the monstrous
+blustering words which his great, gaping mouth hurls forth thick and
+close without curb or measure.
+
+AESCHYLUS. It is indeed you, the son of a rustic goddess,[462] who dare
+to treat me thus, you, who only know how to collect together stupid
+sayings and to stitch the rags of your beggars?[463] I shall make you rue
+your insults.
+
+DIONYSUS. Enough said, Aeschylus, calm the wild wrath that is turning
+your heart into a furnace.
+
+AESCHYLUS. No, not until I have clearly shown the true value of this
+impudent fellow with his lame men.[464]
+
+DIONYSUS. A lamb, a black lamb! Slaves, bring it quickly, the storm-cloud
+is about to burst.[465]
+
+AESCHYLUS. Shame on your Cretan monologues![466] Shame on the infamous
+nuptials[467] that you introduce into the tragic art!
+
+DIONYSUS. Curb yourself, noble Aeschylus, and as for you, my poor
+Euripides, be prudent, protect yourself from this hailstorm, or he may
+easily in his rage hit you full in the temple with some terrible word,
+that would let out your Telephus.[468] Come, Aeschylus, no flying into a
+temper! discuss the question coolly; poets must not revile each other
+like market wenches. Why, you shout at the very outset and burst out like
+a pine that catches fire in the forest.
+
+EURIPIDES. I am ready for the contest and don't flinch; let him choose
+the attack or the defence; let him discuss everything, the dialogue, the
+choruses, the tragic genius, Peleus, Aeolus, Meleager[469] and especially
+Telephus.
+
+DIONYSUS. And what do you propose to do, Aeschylus? Speak!
+
+AESCHYLUS. I should have wished not to maintain a contest that is not
+equal or fair.
+
+DIONYSUS. Why not fair?
+
+AESCHYLUS. Because my poetry has outlived me, whilst his died with him
+and he can use it against me. However, I submit to your ruling.
+
+DIONYSUS. Let incense and a brazier be brought, for I want to offer a
+prayer to the gods. Thanks to their favour, may I be able to decide
+between these ingenious rivals as a clever expert should! And do you sing
+a hymn in honour of the Muses.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! ye chaste Muses, the daughters of Zeus, you who read the fine
+and subtle minds of thought-makers when they enter upon a contest of
+quibbles and tricks, look down on these two powerful athletes; inspire
+them, one with mighty words and the other with odds and ends of verses.
+Now the great mind contest is beginning.
+
+DIONYSUS. And do you likewise make supplication to the gods before
+entering the lists.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Oh, Demeter! who hast formed my mind, may I be able to prove
+myself worthy of thy Mysteries![470]
+
+DIONYSUS. And you, Euripides, prove yourself meet to sprinkle incense on
+the brazier.
+
+EURIPIDES. Thanks, but I sacrifice to other gods.[471]
+
+DIONYSUS. To private gods of your own, which you have made after your own
+image?
+
+EURIPIDES. Why, certainly!
+
+DIONYSUS. Well then, invoke your gods.
+
+EURIPIDES. Oh! thou Aether, on which I feed, oh! thou Volubility of
+Speech, oh! Craftiness, oh! Subtle Scent! enable me to crush the
+arguments of my opponent.
+
+CHORUS. We are curious to see upon what ground these clever tilters are
+going to measure each other. Their tongue is keen, their wit is ready,
+their heart is full of audacity. From the one we must expect both
+elegance and polish of language, whereas the other, armed with his
+ponderous words, will fall hip and thigh upon his foe and with a single
+blow tear down and scatter all his vain devices.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, be quick and speak and let your words be elegant, but
+without false imagery or platitude.
+
+EURIPIDES. I shall speak later of my poetry, but I want first to prove
+that Aeschylus is merely a wretched impostor; I shall relate by what
+means he tricked a coarse audience, trained in the school of
+Phrynichus.[472] First one saw some seated figure, who was veiled, some
+Achilles or Niobé,[473] who then strutted about the stage, but neither
+uncovered their face nor uttered a syllable.
+
+DIONYSUS. I' faith!  that's true!
+
+EURIPIDES. Meanwhile, the Chorus would pour forth as many as four tirades
+one after the other, without stopping, and the characters would still
+maintain their stony silence.
+
+DIONYSUS. I liked their silence, and these mutes pleased me no less than
+those characters that have such a heap to say nowadays.
+
+EURIPIDES. 'Tis because you were a fool, understand that well.
+
+DIONYSUS. Possibly; but what was his object?
+
+EURIPIDES. 'Twas pure quackery; in this way the spectator would sit
+motionless, waiting, waiting for Niobé to say something, and the piece
+would go running on.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! the rogue! how he deceived me! Well, Aeschylus, why are you
+so restless? Why this impatience, eh?
+
+EURIPIDES. 'Tis because he sees himself beaten. Then when he had rambled
+on well, and got half-way through the piece, he would spout some dozen
+big, blustering, winged words, tall as mountains, terrible scarers, which
+the spectator admired without understanding what they meant.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! great gods!
+
+AESCHYLUS. Silence!
+
+EURIPIDES. There was no comprehending one word.
+
+DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). Don't grind your teeth.
+
+EURIPIDES. There were Scamanders, abysses, griffins with eagles' beaks
+chiselled upon brazen bucklers, all words with frowning crests and hard,
+hard to understand.
+
+DIONYSUS. 'Faith, I was kept awake almost an entire night, trying to
+think out his yellow bird, half cock and half horse.[474]
+
+AESCHYLUS. Why, fool, 'tis a device that is painted on the prow of a
+vessel.
+
+DIONYSUS. Ah! I actually thought 'twas Eryxis, the son of
+Philoxenus.[475]
+
+EURIPIDES. But what did you want with a cock in tragedy?
+
+AESCHYLUS. But you, you foe of the gods, what have you done that is so
+good?
+
+EURIPIDES. Oh! I have not made horses with cocks' heads like you, nor
+goats with deer's horns, as you may see 'em on Persian tapestries; but,
+when I received tragedy from your hands, it was quite bloated with
+enormous, ponderous words, and I began by lightening it of its heavy
+baggage and treated it with little verses, with subtle arguments, with
+the sap of white beet and decoctions of philosophical folly, the whole
+being well filtered together;[476] then I fed it with monologues, mixing
+in some Cephisophon;[477] but I did not chatter at random nor mix in any
+ingredients that first came to hand; from the outset I made my subject
+clear, and told the origin of the piece.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Well, that was better than telling your own.[478]
+
+EURIPIDES. Then, starting with the very first verse, each character
+played his part; all spoke, both woman and slave and master, young girl
+and old hag.[479]
+
+AESCHYLUS. And was not such daring deserving of death?
+
+EURIPIDES. No, by Apollo! 'twas to please the people.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! leave that alone, do; 'tis not the best side of your case.
+
+EURIPIDES. Furthermore, I taught the spectators the art of speech ...
+
+AESCHYLUS. 'Tis true indeed! Would that you had burst before you did it!
+
+EURIPIDES. ... the use of the straight lines and of the corners of
+language, the science of thinking, of reading, of understanding,
+plotting, loving deceit, of suspecting evil, of thinking of
+everything....
+
+AESCHYLUS. Oh! true, true again!
+
+EURIPIDES. I introduced our private life upon the stage, our common
+habits; and 'twas bold of me, for everyone was at home with these and
+could be my critic; I did not burst out into big noisy words to prevent
+their comprehension; nor did I terrify the audience by showing them
+Cycni[480] and Memnons[481] on chariots harnessed with steeds and
+jingling bells. Look at his disciples and look at mine. His are
+Phormisius and Megaenetus of Magnesia[482], all a-bristle with long
+beards, spears and trumpets, and grinning with sardonic and ferocious
+laughter, while my disciples are Clitophon and the graceful
+Theramenes.[483]
+
+DIONYSUS. Theramenes? An able man and ready for anything; a man, who in
+imminent dangers knew well how to get out of the scrape by saying he was
+from Chios and not from Ceos.[484]
+
+EURIPIDES. 'Tis thus that I taught my audience how to judge, namely, by
+introducing the art of reasoning and considering into tragedy. Thanks to
+me, they understand everything, discern all things, conduct their
+households better and ask themselves, "What is to be thought of this?
+Where is that? Who has taken the other thing?"
+
+DIONYSUS. Yes, certainly, and now every Athenian who returns home, bawls
+to his slaves, "Where is the stew-pot? Who has eaten off the sprat's
+head? Where is the clove of garlic that was left over from yesterday? Who
+has been nibbling at my olives?" Whereas formerly they kept their seats
+with mouths agape like fools and idiots.
+
+CHORUS. You hear him, illustrious Achilles,[485] and what are you going
+to reply? Only take care that your rage does not lead you astray, for he
+has handled you brutally. My noble friend, don't get carried away; furl
+all your sails, except the top-gallants, so that your ship may only
+advance slowly, until you feel yourself driven forward by a soft and
+favourable wind. Come then, you who were the first of the Greeks to
+construct imposing monuments of words and to raise the old tragedy above
+childish trifling, open a free course to the torrent of your words.
+
+AESCHYLUS. This contest rouses my gall; my heart is boiling over with
+wrath. Am I bound to dispute with this fellow? But I will not let him
+think me unarmed and helpless. So, answer me! what is it in a poet one
+admires?
+
+EURIPIDES. Wise counsels, which make the citizens better.
+
+AESCHYLUS. And if you have failed in this duty, if out of honest and
+pure-minded men you have made rogues, what punishment do you think is
+your meet?
+
+DIONYSUS. Death. I will reply for him.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Behold then what great and brave men I bequeathed to him! They
+did not shirk the public burdens; they were not idlers, rogues and
+cheats, as they are to-day; their very breath was spears, pikes, helmets
+with white crests, breastplates and greaves; they were gallant souls
+encased in seven folds of ox-leather.
+
+EURIPIDES. I must beware! he will crush me beneath the sheer weight of
+his hail of armour.
+
+DIONYSUS. And how did you teach them this bravery? Speak, Aeschylus, and
+don't display so much haughty swagger.
+
+AESCHYLUS. By composing a drama full of the spirit of Ares.
+
+DIONYSUS. Which one?
+
+AESCHYLUS. The Seven Chiefs before Thebes. Every man who had once seen it
+longed to be marching to battle.
+
+DIONYSUS. And you did very wrongly; through you the Thebans have become
+more warlike; for this misdeed you deserve to be well beaten.
+
+AESCHYLUS. You too might have trained yourself, but you were not willing.
+Then, by producing 'The Persae,' I have taught you to conquer all your
+enemies; 'twas my greatest work.
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, I shook with joy at the announcement of the death of
+Darius; and the Chorus immediately clapped their hands and shouted,
+"Triumph!"[486]
+
+AESCHYLUS. Those are the subjects that poets should use. Note how useful,
+even from remotest times, the poets of noble thought have been! Orpheus
+taught us the mystic rites and the horrid nature of murder; Musaeus, the
+healing of ailments and the oracles; Hesiod, the tilling of the soil and
+the times for delving and harvest. And does not divine Homer owe his
+immortal glory to his noble teachings? Is it not he who taught the
+warlike virtues, the art of fighting and of carrying arms?
+
+DIONYSUS. At all events he has not taught it to Pantacles,[487] the most
+awkward of all men; t'other day, when he was directing a procession,
+'twas only after he had put on his helmet that he thought of fixing in
+the crest.
+
+AESCHYLUS. But he has taught a crowd of brave warriors, such as
+Lamachus,[488] the hero of Athens. 'Tis from Homer that I borrowed the
+Patrocli and the lion-hearted Teucers,[489] whom I revived to the
+citizens, to incite them to show themselves worthy of these illustrious
+examples when the trumpets sounded. But I showed them neither
+Sthenoboea[490] nor shameless Phaedra; and I don't remember ever having
+placed an amorous woman on the stage.
+
+EURIPIDES. No, no, you have never known Aphrodité.
+
+AESCHYLUS. And I am proud of it. Whereas with you and those like you, she
+appears everywhere and in every shape; so that even you yourself were
+ruined and undone by her.[491]
+
+DIONYSUS. That's true; the crimes you imputed to the wives of others, you
+suffered from in turn.
+
+EURIPIDES. But, cursed man, what harm have my Sthenoboeas done to Athens?
+
+AESCHYLUS. You are the cause of honest wives of honest citizens drinking
+hemlock, so greatly have your Bellerophons made them blush.[492]
+
+EURIPIDES. Why, did I invent the story of Phaedra?
+
+AESCHYLUS. No, the story is true enough; but the poet should hide what is
+vile and not produce nor represent it on the stage. The schoolmaster
+teaches little children and the poet men of riper age. We must only
+display what is good.
+
+EURIPIDES. And when you talk to us of towering mountains--Lycabettus and
+of the frowning Parnes[493]--is that teaching us what is good? Why not
+use human language?
+
+AESCHYLUS. Why, miserable man, the expression must always rise to the
+height of great maxims and of noble thoughts. Thus as the garment of the
+demi-gods is more magnificent, so also is their language more sublime. I
+ennobled the stage, while you have degraded it.
+
+EURIPIDES. And how so, pray?
+
+AESCHYLUS. Firstly you have dressed the kings in rags,[494] so that they
+might inspire pity.
+
+EURIPIDES. Where's the harm?
+
+AESCHYLUS. You are the cause why no rich man will now equip the galleys,
+they dress themselves in tatters, groan and say they are poor.
+
+DIONYSUS. Aye, by Demeter! and he wears a tunic of fine wool underneath;
+and when he has deceived us with his lies, he may be seen turning up on
+the fish-market.[495]
+
+AESCHYLUS. Moreover, you have taught boasting and quibbling; the
+wrestling schools are deserted and the young fellows have submitted their
+arses to outrage,[496] in order that they might learn to reel off idle
+chatter, and the sailors have dared to bandy words with their
+officers.[497] In my day they only knew how to ask for their
+ship's-biscuit and to shout "Yo ho! heave ho!"
+
+DIONYSUS. ... and to let wind under the nose of the rower below them, to
+befoul their mate with filth and to steal when they went ashore. Nowadays
+they argue instead of rowing and the ship can travel as slow as she
+likes.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Of what crimes is he not the author? Has he not shown us
+procurers, women who get delivered in the temples, have traffic with
+their brothers,[498] and say that life is not life.[499] 'Tis thanks to
+him that our city is full of scribes and buffoons, veritable apes, whose
+grimaces are incessantly deceiving the people; but there is no one left
+who knows how to carry a torch,[500] so little is it practised.
+
+DIONYSUS. I' faith, that's true! I almost died of laughter at the last
+Panathenaea at seeing a slow, fat, pale-faced fellow, who ran well behind
+all the rest, bent completely double and evidently in horrible pain. At
+the gate of the Ceramicus the spectators started beating his belly,
+sides, flanks and thighs; these slaps knocked so much wind out of him
+that it extinguished his torch and he hurried away.
+
+CHORUS. 'Tis a serious issue and an important debate; the fight is
+proceeding hotly and its decision will be difficult; for, as violently as
+the one attacks, as cleverly and as subtly does the other reply. But
+don't keep always to the same ground; you are not at the end of your
+specious artifices. Make use of every trick you have, no matter whether
+it be old or new! Out with everything boldly, blunt though it be; risk
+anything--that is smart and to the point. Perchance you fear that the
+audience is too stupid to grasp your subtleties, but be reassured, for
+that is no longer the case. They are all well-trained folk; each has his
+book, from which he learns the art of quibbling; such wits as they are
+happily endowed with have been rendered still keener through study. So
+have no fear! Attack everything, for you face an enlightened audience.
+
+EURIPIDES. Let's take your prologues; 'tis the beginnings of this able
+poet's tragedies that I wish to examine at the outset. He was obscure in
+the description of his subjects.
+
+DIONYSUS. And which prologue are you going to examine?
+
+EURIPIDES. A lot of them. Give me first of all that of the
+'Orestes.'[501]
+
+DIONYSUS. All keep silent, Aeschylus, recite.
+
+AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes
+the paternal bidding, be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I
+return to this land."[502]
+
+DIONYSUS. Is there a single word to condemn in that?
+
+EURIPIDES. More than a dozen.
+
+DIONYSUS. But there are but three verses in all.
+
+EURIPIDES. And there are twenty faults in each.
+
+DIONYSUS. Aeschylus, I beg you to keep silent; otherwise, besides these
+three iambics, there will be many more attacked.
+
+AESCHYLUS. What? Keep silent before this fellow?
+
+DIONYSUS. If you will take my advice.
+
+EURIPIDES. He begins with a fearful blunder. Do you see the stupid thing?
+
+DIONYSUS. Faith! I don't care if I don't.
+
+AESCHYLUS. A blunder? In what way?
+
+EURIPIDES. Repeat the first verse.
+
+AESCHYLUS. "Oh! Hermes of the nether world, whose watchful power executes
+the paternal bidding."
+
+EURIPIDES. Is not Orestes speaking in this fashion before his father's
+tomb?
+
+AESCHYLUS. Agreed.
+
+EURIPIDES. Does he mean to say that Hermes had watched, only that
+Agamemnon should perish at the hands of a woman and be the victim of a
+criminal intrigue?
+
+AESCHYLUS. 'Tis not to the god of trickery, but to Hermes the benevolent,
+that he gives the name of god of the nether world, and this he proves by
+adding that Hermes is accomplishing the mission given him by his father.
+
+EURIPIDES. The blunder is even worse than I had thought to make it out;
+for if he holds his office in the nether world from his father....
+
+DIONYSUS. It means his father has made him a grave-digger.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Dionysus, your wine is not redolent of perfume.[503]
+
+DIONYSUS. Continue, Aeschylus, and you, Euripides, spy out the faults as
+he proceeds.
+
+AESCHYLUS. "Be my deliverer, assist me, I pray thee. I come, I return to
+this land."
+
+EURIPIDES. Our clever Aeschylus says the very same thing twice over.
+
+AESCHYLUS. How twice over?
+
+EURIPIDES. Examine your expressions, for I am going to show you the
+repetition. "I come, I return to this land." But I _come_ is the same
+thing as I _return._
+
+DIONYSUS. Undoubtedly. 'Tis as though I said to my neighbour, "Lend me
+either your kneading-trough or your trough to knead in."
+
+AESCHYLUS. No, you babbler, no, 'tis not the same thing, and the verse is
+excellent.
+
+DIONYSUS. Indeed! then prove it.
+
+AESCHYLUS. To come is the act of a citizen who has suffered no
+misfortune; but the exile both comes and returns.
+
+DIONYSUS. Excellent! by Apollo! What do you say to that, Euripides?
+
+EURIPIDES. I say that Orestes did not return to his country, for he came
+there secretly, without the consent of those in power.
+
+DIONYSUS. Very good indeed! by Hermes! only I have not a notion what it
+is you mean.
+
+EURIPIDES. Go on.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, be quick, Aeschylus, continue; and you look out for the
+faults.
+
+AESCHYLUS. "At the foot of this tomb I invoke my father and beseech him
+to hearken to me and to hear."
+
+EURIPIDES. Again a repetition, to hearken and to hear are obviously the
+same thing.
+
+DIONYSUS. Why, wretched man, he's addressing the dead, whom to call
+thrice even is not sufficient.
+
+AESCHYLUS. And you, how do you form your prologues?
+
+EURIPIDES. I am going to tell you, and if you find a repetition, an idle
+word or inappropriate, let me be scouted!
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, speak; 'tis my turn to listen. Let us hear the beauty of
+your prologues,
+
+EURIPIDES. "Oedipus was a fortunate man at first ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. Not at all; he was destined to misfortune before he even
+existed, since Apollo predicted he would kill his father before ever he
+was born. How can one say he was fortunate at first?
+
+EURIPIDES. "... and he became the most unfortunate of mortals
+afterwards."
+
+AESCHYLUS. No, he did not become so, for he never ceased being so. Look
+at the facts! First of all, when scarcely born, he is exposed in the
+middle of winter in an earthenware vessel, for fear he might become the
+murderer of his father, if brought up; then he came to Polybus with his
+feet swollen; furthermore, while young, he marries an old woman, who is
+also his mother, and finally he blinds himself.
+
+DIONYSUS. 'Faith! I think he could not have done worse to have been a
+colleague of Erasinidas.[504]
+
+EURIPIDES. You can chatter as you will, my prologues are very fine.
+
+AESCHYLUS. I will take care not to carp at them verse by verse and word
+for word;[505] but, an it please the gods, a simple little bottle will
+suffice me for withering every one of your prologues.
+
+EURIPIDES. You will wither my prologues with a little bottle?[506]
+
+AESCHYLUS. With only one. You make verses of such a kind, that one can
+adapt what one will to your iambics: a little bit of fluff, a little
+bottle, a little bag. I am going to prove it.
+
+EURIPIDES. You will prove it?
+
+AESCHYLUS. Yes.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, recite.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Aegyptus, according to the most widely spread reports, having
+landed at Argos with his fifty daughters[507] ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle.
+
+EURIPIDES. What little bottle? May the plague seize you!
+
+DIONYSUS. Recite another prologue to him. We shall see.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Dionysus, who leads the choral dance on Parnassus with the
+thyrsus in his hand and clothed in skins of fawns[508] ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle.
+
+DIONYSUS. There again his little bottle upsets us.
+
+EURIPIDES. He won't bother us much longer. I have a certain prologue to
+which he cannot adapt his tag: "There is no perfect happiness; this one
+is of noble origin, but poor; another of humble birth[509] ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle.
+
+DIONYSUS. Euripides!
+
+EURIPIDES. What's the matter?
+
+DIONYSUS. Clue up your sails, for this damned little bottle is going to
+blow a gale.
+
+EURIPIDES. Little I care, by Demeter! I am going to make it burst in his
+hands.
+
+DIONYSUS. Then out with it; recite another prologue, but beware, beware
+of the little bottle.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Cadmus, the son of Agenor, while leaving the city of
+Sidon[510] ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle.
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! my poor friend; buy that bottle, do, for it is going to
+tear all your prologues to ribbons.
+
+EURIPIDES. What? Am I to buy it of him?
+
+DIONYSUS. If you take my advice.
+
+EURIPIDES. No, not I, for I have many prologues to which he cannot
+possibly fit his catchword: "Pelops, the son of Tantalus, having started
+for Pisa on his swift chariot[511] ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle.
+
+DIONYSUS. D'ye see? Again he has popped in his little bottle. Come,
+Aeschylus, he is going to buy it of you at any price, and you can have a
+splendid one for an obolus.
+
+EURIPIDES. By Zeus, no, not yet! I have plenty of other prologues.
+"Oeneus in the fields one day[512] ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle.
+
+EURIPIDES. Let me first finish the opening verse: "Oeneus in the fields
+one day, having made an abundant harvest and sacrificed the first-fruits
+to the gods ..."
+
+AESCHYLUS. ... lost his little bottle.
+
+DIONYSUS. During the sacrifice? And who was the thief?
+
+EURIPIDES. Allow him to try with this one: "Zeus, as even Truth has
+said[513] ..."
+
+DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_). You have lost again; he is going to say, "lost
+his little bottle," for that bottle sticks to your prologues like a
+ringworm. But, in the name of the gods, turn now to his choruses.
+
+EURIPIDES. I will prove that he knows nothing of lyric poetry, and that
+he repeats himself incessantly.
+
+CHORUS. What's he going to say now? I am itching to know what criticisms
+he is going to make on the poet, whose sublime songs so far outclass
+those of his contemporaries. I cannot imagine with what he is going to
+reproach the king of the Dionysia, and I tremble for the aggressor.
+
+EURIPIDES. Oh! those wonderful songs! But watch carefully, for I am going
+to condense them all into a single one.
+
+DIONYSUS. And I am going to take pebbles to count the fragments.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Oh, Achilles, King of Phthiotis, hearken to the shout of the
+conquering foe and haste to sustain the assault. We dwellers in the
+marshes do honour to Hermes, the author of our race. Haste to sustain the
+assault."
+
+DIONYSUS. There, Aeschylus, you have already two assaults against you.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Oh, son of Atreus, the most illustrious of the Greeks, thou,
+who rulest so many nations, hearken to me. Haste to the assault."
+
+DIONYSUS. A third assault. Beware, Aeschylus.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Keep silent, for the inspired priestesses are opening the
+temple of Artemis. Haste to sustain the assault. I have the right to
+proclaim that our warriors are leaving under propitious auspices. Haste
+to sustain the assault."[514]
+
+DIONYSUS. Great gods, what a number of assaults! my kidneys are quite
+swollen with fatigue; I shall have to go to the bath after all these
+assaults.
+
+EURIPIDES. Not before you have heard this other song arranged for the
+music of the cithara.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come then, continue; but, prithee, no more "assaults."
+
+EURIPIDES. "What! the two powerful monarchs, who reign over the Grecian
+youth, phlattothrattophlattothrat, are sending the Sphinx, that terrible
+harbinger of death, phlattothrattophlattothrat. With his avenging arm
+bearing a spear, phlattothrattophlattothrat, the impetuous bird delivers
+those who lean to the side of Ajax, phlattothrattophlattothrat, to the
+dogs who roam in the clouds, phlattothrattophlattothrat."[515]
+
+DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). What is this 'phlattothrat'? Does it come from
+Marathon or have you picked it out of some labourer's chanty?
+
+AESCHYLUS. I took what was good and improved it still more, so that I
+might not be accused of gathering the same flowers as Phrynichus in the
+meadow of the Muse. But this man borrows from everybody, from the
+suggestions of prostitutes, from the sons of Melitus,[516] from the
+Carian flute-music, from wailing women, from dancing-girls. I am going to
+prove it, so let a lyre be brought. But what need of a lyre in his case?
+Where is the girl with the castanets? Come, thou Muse of Euripides; 'tis
+quite thy business to accompany songs of this sort.
+
+DIONYSUS. This Muse has surely done fellation in her day, like a Lesbian
+wanton.[517]
+
+AESCHYLUS. "Ye halcyons, who twitter over the ever-flowing billows of the
+sea, the damp dew of the waves glistens on your wings; and you spiders,
+who we-we-we-we-we-weave the long woofs of your webs in the corners of
+our houses with your nimble feet like the noisy shuttle, there where the
+dolphin by bounding in the billows, under the influence of the flute,
+predicts a favourable voyage; thou glorious ornaments of the vine, the
+slender tendrils that support the grape. Child, throw thine arms about my
+neck."[518] Do you note the harmonious rhythm?
+
+DIONYSUS. Yes.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Do you note it?
+
+DIONYSUS. Yes, undoubtedly.
+
+AESCHYLUS. And does the author of such rubbish dare to criticize my
+songs? he, who imitates the twelve postures of Cyrené in his poetry?[519]
+There you have his lyric melodies, but I still want to give you a sample
+of his monologues. "Oh! dark shadows of the night! what horrible dream
+are you sending me from the depths of your sombre abysses! Oh! dream,
+thou bondsman of Pluto, thou inanimate soul, child of the dark night,
+thou dread phantom in long black garments, how bloodthirsty, bloodthirsty
+is thy glance! how sharp are thy claws! Handmaidens, kindle the lamp,
+draw up the dew of the rivers in your vases and make the water hot; I
+wish to purify myself of this dream sent me by the gods. Oh! king of the
+ocean, that's right, that's right! Oh! my comrades, behold this wonder.
+Glycé has robbed me of my cock and has fled. Oh, Nymphs of the mountains!
+oh! Mania! seize her! How unhappy I am! I was full busy with my work, I
+was sp-sp-sp-sp-spinning the flax that was on my spindle, I was rounding
+off the clew that I was to go and sell in the market at dawn; and he flew
+off, flew off, cleaving the air with his swift wings; he left to me
+nothing but pain, pain! What tears, tears, poured, poured from my
+unfortunate eyes! Oh! Cretans, children of Ida, take your bows; help me,
+haste hither, surround the house. And thou, divine huntress, beautiful
+Artemis, come with thy hounds and search through the house. And thou
+also, daughter of Zeus, seize the torches in thy ready hands and go
+before me to Glycé's home, for I propose to go there and rummage
+everywhere."[520]
+
+DIONYSUS. That's enough of choruses.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Yes, faith, enough indeed! I wish now to see my verses weighed
+in the scales; 'tis the only way to end this poetic struggle.
+
+DIONYSUS. Well then, come, I am going to sell the poet's genius the same
+way cheese is sold in the market.
+
+CHORUS. Truly clever men are possessed of an inventive mind. Here again
+is a new idea that is marvellous and strange, and which another would not
+have thought of; as for myself I would not have believed anyone who had
+told me of it, I would have treated him as a driveller.
+
+DIONYSUS. Come, hither to the scales.
+
+AESCHYLUS AND EURIPIDES. Here we are.
+
+DIONYSUS. Let each one hold one of the scales, recite a verse, and not
+let go until I have cried, "Cuckoo!"
+
+AESCHYLUS AND EURIPIDES. We understand.
+
+DIONYSUS. Well then, recite and keep your hands on the scales.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Would it had pleased the gods that the vessel Argo had never
+unfurled the wings of her sails!"[521]
+
+AESCHYLUS. "Oh! river Sperchius! oh! meadows, where the oxen graze!"[522]
+
+DIONYSUS. Cuckoo! let go! Oh! the verse of Aeschylus sinks far the lower
+of the two.
+
+EURIPIDES. And why?
+
+DIONYSUS. Because, like the wool-merchants, who moisten their wares, he
+has thrown a river into his verse and has made it quite wet, whereas
+yours was winged and flew away.
+
+EURIPIDES. Come, another verse! You recite, Aeschylus, and you, weigh.
+
+DIONYSUS. Hold the scales again.
+
+AESCHYLUS AND EURIPIDES. Ready.
+
+DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_). You begin.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Eloquence is Persuasion's only sanctuary."[523]
+
+AESCHYLUS. "Death is the only god whom gifts cannot bribe."[524]
+
+DIONYSUS. Let go! let go! Here again our friend Aeschylus' verse drags
+down the scale; 'tis because he has thrown in Death, the weightiest of
+all ills.
+
+EURIPIDES. And I Persuasion; my verse is excellent.
+
+DIONYSUS. Persuasion has both little weight and little sense. But hunt
+again for a big weighty verse and solid withal, that it may assure you
+the victory.
+
+EURIPIDES. But where am I to find one--where?
+
+DIONYSUS. I'll tell you one: "Achilles has thrown two and four."[525]
+Come, recite! 'tis the last trial.
+
+EURIPIDES. "With his arm he seized a mace, studded with iron."[526]
+
+AESCHYLUS. "Chariot upon chariot and corpse upon corpse."[527]
+
+DIONYSUS (_to Euripides_) There you're foiled again.
+
+EURIPIDES. Why?
+
+DIONYSUS. There are two chariots and two corpses in the verse; why, 'tis
+a weight a hundred Egyptians could not lift.[528]
+
+AESCHYLUS. 'Tis no longer verse against verse that I wish to weigh, but
+let him clamber into the scale himself, he, his children, his wife,
+Cephisophon[529] and all his works; against all these I will place but
+two of my verses on the other side.
+
+DIONYSUS. I will _not_ be their umpire, for they are dear to me and I
+will not have a foe in either of them; meseems the one is mighty clever,
+while the other simply delights me.
+
+PLUTO. Then you are foiled in the object of your voyage.
+
+DIONYSUS. And if I do decide?
+
+PLUTO. You shall take with you whichever of the twain you declare the
+victor; thus you will not have come in vain.
+
+DIONYSUS. That's all right! Well then, listen; I have come down to find a
+poet.
+
+EURIPIDES. And with what intent?
+
+DIONYSUS. So that the city, when once it has escaped the imminent dangers
+of the war, may have tragedies produced. I have resolved to take back
+whichever of the two is prepared to give good advice to the citizens. So
+first of all, what think you of Alcibiades?  For the city is in most
+difficult labour over this question.
+
+EURIPIDES. And what does it think about it?
+
+DIONYSUS. What does it think? It regrets him, hates him, and yet wishes
+to have him, all at the same time. But tell me your opinion, both of you.
+
+EURIPIDES. I hate the citizen who is slow to serve his country, quick to
+involve it in the greatest troubles, ever alert to his own interests, and
+a bungler where those of the State are at stake.
+
+DIONYSUS. That's good, by Posidon! And you, what is your opinion?
+
+AESCHYLUS. A lion's whelp should not be reared within the city. No doubt
+that's best; but if the lion has been reared, one must submit to his
+ways.
+
+DIONYSUS. Zeus, the Deliverer! this puzzles me greatly. The one is
+clever, the other clear and precise. Now each of you tell me your idea of
+the best way to save the State.
+
+EURIPIDES. If Cinesias were fitted to Cleocritus as a pair of wings, and
+the wind were to carry the two of them across the waves of the sea ...
+
+DIONYSUS. 'Twould be funny. But what is he driving at?
+
+EURIPIDES. ... they could throw vinegar into the eyes of the foe in the
+event of a sea-fight. But I know something else I want to tell you.
+
+DIONYSUS. Go on.
+
+EURIPIDES. When we put trust in what we mistrust and mistrust what we
+trust....
+
+DIONYSUS. What? I don't understand. Tell us something less profound, but
+clearer.
+
+EURIPIDES. If we were to mistrust the citizens, whom we trust, and to
+employ those whom we to-day neglect, we should be saved. Nothing succeeds
+with us; very well then, let's do the opposite thing, and our deliverance
+will be assured.
+
+DIONYSUS. Very well spoken. You are the most ingenious of men, a true
+Palamedes![530] Is this fine idea your own or is it Cephisophon's?
+
+EURIPIDES. My very own,--bar the vinegar, which is Cephisophon's.
+
+DIONYSUS (_to Aeschylus_). And you, what have you to say?
+
+AESCHYLUS. Tell me first who the commonwealth employs. Are they the just?
+
+DIONYSUS. Oh! she holds _them_ in abhorrence.
+
+AESCHYLUS. What, are then the wicked those she loves?
+
+DIONYSUS. Not at all, but she employs them against her will.
+
+AESCHYLUS. Then what deliverance can there be for a city that will
+neither have cape nor cloak?[531]
+
+DIONYSUS. Discover, I adjure you, discover a way to save her from
+shipwreck.
+
+AESCHYLUS. I will tell you the way on earth, but I won't here.
+
+DIONYSUS. No, send her this blessing from here.
+
+AESCHYLUS. They will be saved when they have learnt that the land of the
+foe is theirs and their own land belongs to the foe; that their vessels
+are their true wealth, the only one upon which they can rely.[532]
+
+DIONYSUS. That's true, but the dicasts devour everything.[533]
+
+PLUTO (_to Dionysus_). Now decide.
+
+DIONYSUS. 'Tis for you to decide, but I choose him whom my heart prefers.
+
+EURIPIDES. You called the gods to witness that you would bear me through;
+remember your oath and choose your friends.
+
+DIONYSUS. Yes, "my tongue has sworn."[534] ... But I choose Aeschylus.
+
+EURIPIDES. What have you done, you wretch?
+
+DIONYSUS. I? I have decided that Aeschylus is the victor. What then?
+
+EURIPIDES. And you dare to look me in the face after such a shameful
+deed?
+
+DIONYSUS. "Why shameful, if the spectators do not think so?"[535]
+
+EURIPIDES. Cruel wretch, will you leave me pitilessly among the dead?
+
+DIONYSUS. "Who knows if living be not dying,[536] if breathing be not
+feasting, if sleep be not a fleece?"[537]
+
+PLUTO. Enter my halls. Come, Dionysus.
+
+DIONYSUS. What shall we do there?
+
+PLUTO. I want to entertain my guests before they leave.
+
+DIONYSUS. Well said, by Zeus; 'tis the very thing to please me best.
+
+CHORUS. Blessed the man who has perfected wisdom! Everything is happiness
+for him. Behold Aeschylus; thanks to the talent, to the cleverness he has
+shown, he returns to his country; and his fellow-citizens, his relations,
+his friends will all hail his return with joy. Let us beware of jabbering
+with Socrates and of disdaining the sublime notes of the tragic Muse. To
+pass an idle life reeling off grandiloquent speeches and foolish
+quibbles, is the part of a madman.
+
+PLUTO. Farewell, Aeschylus! Go back to earth and may your noble precepts
+both save our city[538] and cure the mad; there are such, a many of them!
+Carry this rope from me to Cleophon, this one to Myrmex and Nichomachus,
+the public receivers, and this other one to Archenomous.[539] Bid them
+come here at once and without delay; if not, by Apollo, I will brand them
+with the hot iron.[540] I will make one bundle of them and
+Adimantus,[541] the son of Leucolophus,[542] and despatch the lot into
+hell with all possible speed.
+
+AESCHYLUS. I will do your bidding, and do you make Sophocles occupy my
+seat. Let him take and keep it for me, against I should ever return here.
+In fact I award him the second place among the tragic poets. As for this
+impostor, watch that he never usurps my throne, even should he be placed
+there in spite of himself.
+
+PLUTO (_to the Chorus of the Initiate_). Escort him with your sacred
+torches, singing to him as you go his own hymns and choruses.
+
+CHORUS. Ye deities of the nether world, grant a pleasant journey to the
+poet who is leaving us to return to the light of day; grant likewise wise
+and healthy thoughts to our city. Put an end to the fearful calamities
+that overwhelm us, to the awful clatter of arms. As for Cleophon and the
+likes of him, let them go, an it please them, and fight in their own
+land.[543]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FINIS OF "THE FROGS"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Footnotes:
+
+[382] These were comic poets contemporary with Aristophanes. Phrynichus,
+the best known, gained the second prize with his 'Muses' when the present
+comedy was put upon the stage. Amipsias had gained the first prize over
+our author's first edition of 'The Clouds' and again over his 'Birds.'
+Aristophanes is ridiculing vulgar and coarse jests, which, however, he
+does not always avoid himself.
+
+[383] Instead of the expected "son of Zeus," he calls himself the "son of
+a wine-jar."
+
+[384] At the sea-fight at Arginusae the slaves who had distinguished
+themselves by their bravery were presented with their freedom. This
+battle had taken place only a few months before the production of 'The
+Frogs.' Had Xanthias been one of these slaves he could then have treated
+his master as he says, for he would have been his equal.
+
+[385] The door of the Temple of Heracles, situated in the deme of Melité,
+close to Athens. This temple contained a very remarkable statue of the
+god, the work of Eleas, the master of Phidias.
+
+[386] A fabulous monster, half man and half horse.
+
+[387] So also, in 'The Thesmophoriazusae,' Agathon is described as
+wearing a saffron robe, which was a mark of effeminacy.
+
+[388] A woman's foot-gear.
+
+[389] He speaks of him as though he were a vessel. Clisthenes, who was
+scoffed at for his ugliness, was completely beardless, which fact gave
+him the look of a eunuch. He was accused of prostituting himself.
+
+[390] Heracles cannot believe it. Dionysus had no repute for bravery. His
+cowardice is one of the subjects for jesting which we shall most often
+come upon in 'The Frogs.'
+
+[391] A tragedy by Euripides, produced some years earlier, some fragments
+of which are quoted by Aristophanes in his 'Thesmophoriazusae.'
+
+[392] An actor of immense stature.
+
+[393] The gluttony of Heracles was a byword. See 'The Birds.'
+
+[394] Euripides, weary, it is said, of the ridicule and envy with which
+he was assailed in Athens, had retired in his old age to the court of
+Archelaus, King of Macedonia, where he had met with the utmost
+hospitality. We are assured that he perished through being torn to pieces
+by dogs, which set upon him in a lonely spot. His death occurred in 407
+B.C., the year before the production of 'The Frogs.'
+
+[395] This is a hemistich, the Scholiast says, from Euripides.
+
+[396] The son of Sophocles. Once, during his father's lifetime, he gained
+the prize for tragedy, but it was suspected that the piece itself was
+largely the work of Sophocles himself. It is for this reason that
+Dionysus wishes to try him when he is dependent on his own resources, now
+that his father is dead. The death of the latter was quite recent at the
+time of the production of 'The Frogs,' and the fact lent all the greater
+interest to this piece.
+
+[397] Agathon was a contemporary of Euripides, and is mentioned in terms
+of praise by Aristotle for his delineation of the character of Achilles,
+presumably in his tragedy of 'Telephus.' From the fragments which remain
+of this author it appears that his style was replete with ornament,
+particularly antithesis.
+
+[398] Son of Caminus, an inferior poet, often made the butt of
+Aristophanes' jeers.
+
+[399] A poet apparently, unknown.
+
+[400] Expressions used by Euripides in different tragedies.
+
+[401] Parody of a verse in Euripides' 'Andromeda,' a lost play.
+
+[402] Heracles, being such a glutton, must be a past master in matters of
+cookery, but this does not justify him in posing as a dramatic critic.
+
+[403] Xanthias, bent double beneath his load, gets more and more out of
+patience with his master's endless talk with Heracles.
+
+[404] The mortar in which hemlock was pounded.
+
+[405] An allusion to the effect of hemlock.
+
+[406] A quarter of Athens where the Lampadephoria was held in honour of
+Athené, Hephaestus, and Prometheus, because the first had given the
+mortals oil, the second had invented the lamp, and the third had stolen
+fire from heaven. The principal part of this festival consisted in the
+_lampadedromia_, or torch-race. This name was given to a race in which
+the competitors for the prize ran with a torch in their hand; it was
+essential that the goal should be reached with the torch still alight.
+The signal for starting was given by throwing a torch from the top of the
+tower mentioned a few verses later on.
+
+[407] Theseus had descended into Hades with Pirithous to fetch away
+Persephoné. Aristophanes doubtless wishes to say that in consequence of
+this descent Pluto established a toll across Acheron, in order to render
+access to his kingdom less easy, and so that the poor and the greedy, who
+could not or would not pay, might be kept out.
+
+[408] Morsimus was a minor poet, who is also mentioned with disdain in
+'The Knights,' and is there called the son of Philocles. Aristophanes
+jestingly likens anyone who helps to disseminate his verses to the worst
+of criminals.
+
+[409] The Pyrrhic dance was a lively and quick-step dance. Cinesias was
+not a dancer, but a dithyrambic poet, who declaimed with much
+gesticulation and movement that one might almost think he was performing
+this dance.
+
+[410] Those initiated into the Mysteries of Demeter, who, according to
+the belief of the ancients, enjoyed a kind of beatitude after death.
+
+[411] Xanthias, his strength exhausted and his patience gone, prepares to
+lay down his load. Asses were used for the conveyance from Athens to
+Eleusis of everything that was necessary for the celebration of the
+Mysteries. They were often overladen, and from this fact arose the
+proverb here used by Xanthias, as indicating any heavy burden.
+
+[412] The Ancients believed that meeting this or that person or thing at
+the outset of a journey was of good or bad omen. The superstition is not
+entirely dead even to-day.
+
+[413] Dionysus had seated himself _on_ instead of _at_ the oar.
+
+[414] One of the titles given to Dionysus, because of the worship
+accorded him at Nysa, a town in Ethiopia, where he was brought up by the
+nymphs.
+
+[415] This was the third day of the Anthesteria or feasts of Dionysus.
+All kinds of vegetables were cooked in pots and offered to Dionysus and
+Athené. It was also the day of the dramatic contests.
+
+[416] Dionysus' temple, the Lenaeum, was situated in the district of
+Athens known as the _Linnae_, or Marshes, on the south side of the
+Acropolis.
+
+[417] He points to the audience.
+
+[418] A spectre, which Hecaté sent to frighten men. It took all kinds of
+hideous shapes. It was exorcised by abuse.
+
+[419] This was one of the monstrosities which credulity attributed to the
+Empusa.
+
+[420] He is addressing a priest of Bacchus, who occupied a seat reserved
+for him in the first row of the audience.
+
+[421] A verse from the Orestes of Euripides.--Hegelochus was an actor
+who, in a recent representation, had spoken the line in such a manner as
+to lend it an absurd meaning; instead of saying, [Greek: gal_en_en],
+which means _calm_, he had pronounced it [Greek: gal_en], which means _a
+cat_.
+
+[422] The priest of Bacchus, mentioned several verses back.
+
+[423] High-flown expressions from Euripides' Tragedies.
+
+[424] A second Chorus, comprised of Initiates into the Mysteries of
+Demeter and Dionysus.
+
+[425] A philosopher, a native of Melos, and originally a dithyrambic
+poet. He was prosecuted on a charge of atheism.
+
+[426] A comic and dithyrambic poet.
+
+[427] This Thorycion, a toll collector at Aegina, which then belonged to
+Athens, had taken advantage of his position to send goods to Epidaurus,
+an Argolian town, thereby defrauding the treasury of the duty of 5 per
+cent, which was levied on every import and export.
+
+[428] An allusion to Alcibiades, who is said to have obtained a subsidy
+for the Spartan fleet from Cyrus, satrap of Asia Minor.
+
+[429] An allusion to the dithyrambic poet, Cinesias, who was accused of
+having sullied, by stooling against it, the pedestal of a statue of
+Hecaté at one of the street corners of Athens.
+
+[430] Athené.
+
+[431] The route of the procession of the Initiate was from the Ceramicus
+(a district of Athens) to Eleusis, a distance of twenty-five stadia.
+
+[432] A shaft shot at the _choragi_ by the poet, because they had failed
+to have new dresses made for the actors on this occasion.
+
+[433] It was at the age of seven that children were entered on the
+registers of their father's tribe. Aristophanes is accusing Archidemus,
+who at that time was the head of the popular party, of being no citizen,
+because his name is not entered upon the registers of any tribe.
+
+[434] At funerals women tore their hair, rent their garments, and beat
+their bosoms. Aristophanes parodies these demonstrations of grief and
+attributes them to the effeminate Clisthenes. Sebinus the Anaphlystian is
+a coined name containing an obscene allusion, implying he was in the
+habit of allowing connexion with himself a posteriori, and being
+masturbated by the other in turn.
+
+[435] Callias, the son of Hipponicus, which the poet turns into
+Hippobinus, i.e. one who treads a mare, was an Athenian general, who had
+distinguished himself at the battle of Arginusae; he was notorious for
+his debauched habits, which he doubtless practised even on board his
+galleys. He is called a new Heracles, because of the legend that Heracles
+triumphed over fifty virgins in a single night; no doubt the poet alludes
+to some exploit of the kind here.
+
+[436] A proverb applied to silly boasters. The Corinthians had sent an
+envoy to Megara, who, in order to enhance the importance of his city,
+incessantly repeated the phrase, "_The Corinth of Zeus_."
+
+[437] Demeter.
+
+[438] Tartessus was an Iberian town, near the Avernian marshes, which
+were said to be tenanted by reptiles, the progeny of vipers and muraenae,
+a kind of fish.
+
+[439] Tithrasios was a part of Libya, fabled to be peopled by Gorgons.
+
+[440] "Invoke the god" was the usual formula which immediately followed
+the offering of the libation in the festival of Dionysus. Here he uses
+the words after a libation of a new kind and induced by fear.
+
+[441] That is, Heracles, whose temple was at Melité, a suburban deme of
+Athens.
+
+[442] Whose statues were placed to make the boundaries of land.
+
+[443] One of the Thirty Tyrants, noted for his versatility.
+
+[444] Celon and Hyperbolus were both dead, and are therefore supposed to
+have become the leaders and patrons of the populace in Hades, the same as
+they had been on earth.
+
+[445] Already mentioned; one of the chiefs of the popular party in 406
+B.C.
+
+[446] Heracles had carried of Cerberus.
+
+[447] Names of Thracian slaves.
+
+[448] As was done to unruly children; he allows every kind of torture
+with the exception of the mildest.
+
+[449] A deme of Attica, where there was a temple to Heracles. No doubt
+those present uttered the cry "Oh! oh!" in honour of the god.
+
+[450] He pretends it was not a cry of pain at all, but of astonishment
+and admiration.
+
+[451] Pretending that it was the thorn causing him pain, and not the lash
+of the whip.
+
+[452] According to the Scholiast this is a quotation from the 'Laocoon,'
+a lost play of Sophocles.
+
+[453] A general known for his cowardice; he was accused of not being a
+citizen, but of Thracian origin; in 406 B.C. he was in disfavour, and he
+perished shortly after in a popular tumult.
+
+[454] According to Athenian law, the accused was acquitted when the
+voting was equal.
+
+[455] He had helped to establish the oligarchical government of the Four
+Hundred, who had just been overthrown.
+
+[456] The fight of Arginusae; the slaves who had fought there had been
+accorded their freedom.--The Plataeans had had the title of citizens
+since the battle of Marathon.
+
+[457] Things were not going well for Athens at the time; it was only two
+years later, 404 B.C., that Lysander took the city.
+
+[458] A demagogue; because he deceived the people, Aristophanes compares
+him with the washermen who cheated their clients by using some mixture
+that was cheaper than potash.
+
+[459] Callistrates says that Clidemides was one of Sophocles' sons;
+Apollonius states him to have been an actor.
+
+[460] Dionysus was, of course, the patron god of the drama and dramatic
+contests.
+
+[461] The majestic grandeur of Aeschylus' periods, coupled with a touch
+of parody, is to be recognized in this piece.
+
+[462] It is said that Euripides was the son of a fruit-seller.
+
+[463] Euripides is constantly twitted by Aristophanes with his
+predilection for ragged beggars and vagabonds as characters in his plays.
+
+[464] Bellerophon, Philoctetes, and Telephus, were all characters in
+different Tragedies of Euripides.
+
+[465] Sailors, when in danger, sacrificed a black lamb to Typhon, the god
+of storms.
+
+[466] An allusion to a long monologue of Icarus in the tragedy called
+'The Cretans.'
+
+[467] In 'Aeolus,' Macareus violates his own sister; in 'The Clouds,'
+this incest, which Euripides introduced upon the stage, is also
+mentioned.
+
+[468] The title of one of Euripides' pieces.
+
+[469] The titles of three lost Tragedies of Euripides.
+
+[470] A verse from one of the lost Tragedies of Euripides; the poet was
+born at Eleusis.
+
+[471] Aristophanes often makes this accusation of religious heterodoxy
+against Euripides.
+
+[472] A dramatic poet, who lived about the end of the sixth century B.C.,
+and a disciple of Thespis; the scenic art was then comparatively in its
+infancy.
+
+[473] The Scholiast tells us that Achilles remained mute in the tragedy
+entitled 'The Phrygians' or 'The Ransom of Hector,' and that his face was
+veiled; he only spoke a few words at the beginning of the drama during a
+dialogue with Hermes.--We have no information about the Niobé mentioned
+here.
+
+[474] The Scholiast tells us that this expression ([Greek:
+hippalektru_on]) was used in 'The Myrmidons' of Aeschylus; Aristophanes
+ridicules it again both in the 'Peace' and in 'The Birds.'
+
+[475] An individual apparently noted for his uncouth ugliness.
+
+[476] The beet and the decoctions are intended to indicate the insipidity
+of Euripides' style.
+
+[477] An intimate friend of Euripides, who is said to have worked with
+him on his Tragedies, to have been 'ghost' to him in fact.
+
+[478] An allusion to Euripides' obscure birth; his mother had been, so it
+was said, a vegetable-seller in the public market.
+
+[479] Euripides had introduced every variety of character into his
+pieces, whereas Aeschylus only staged divinities or heroes.
+
+[480] There are two Cycni, one, the son of Ares, was killed by Heracles
+according to the testimony of Hesiod in his description of the "Shield of
+Heracles"; the other, the son of Posidon, who, according to Pindar,
+perished under the blows of Achilles. It is not known in which Tragedy of
+Aeschylus this character was introduced.
+
+[481] Memnon, the son of Aurora, was killed by Achilles; in the list of
+the Tragedies of Aeschylus there is one entitled 'Memnon.'
+
+[482] These two were not poets, but Euripides supposes them disciples of
+Aeschylus, because of their rude and antiquated manners.
+
+[483] Clitophon and Theramenes were elegants of effeminate habits and
+adept talkers.
+
+[484] A proverb which was applied to versatile people; the two Greek
+names [Greek: Chios] and [Greek: Keios] might easily be mistaken for one
+another. Both, of course, are islands of the Cyclades.
+
+[485] A verse from the 'Myrmidons' of Aeschylus; here Achilles is
+Aeschylus himself.
+
+[486] The 'Persae' of Aeschylus (produced 472 B.C.) was received with
+transports of enthusiasm, reviving as it did memories of the glorious
+defeat of Xerxes at Salamis, where the poet had fought, only a few years
+before, 480 B.C.
+
+[487] Nothing is known of this Pantacles, whom Eupolis, in his 'Golden
+Age,' also describes as awkward ([Greek: skaios]).
+
+[488] Aristophanes had by this time modified his opinion of this general,
+whom he had so flouted in 'The Acharnians.'
+
+[489] Son of Telamon, the King of Salamis and brother of Ajax.
+
+[490] The wife of Proetus, King of Argos. Bellerophon, who had sought
+refuge at the court of this king after the accidental murder of his
+brother Bellerus, had disdained her amorous overtures. Therefore she
+denounced him to her husband as having wanted to attempt her virtue and
+urged him to cause his death. She killed herself immediately after the
+departure of the young hero.
+
+[491] Cephisophon, Euripides' friend, is said to have seduced his wife.
+
+[492] Meaning, they have imitated Sthenoboea in everything; like her,
+they have conceived adulterous passions and, again like her, they have
+poisoned themselves.
+
+[493] Lycabettus, a mountain of Attica, just outside the walls of Athens,
+the "Arthur's Seat" of the city. Parnassus, the famous mountain of
+Phocis, the seat of the temple and oracle of Delphi and the home of the
+Muses. The whole passage is, of course, in parody of the grandiloquent
+style of Aeschylus.
+
+[494] An allusion to Oeneus, King of Aetolia, and to Telephus, King of
+Mysia; characters put upon the stage by Euripides.
+
+[495] It was only the rich Athenians who could afford fresh fish, because
+of their high price; we know how highly the gourmands prized the eels
+from the Copaic lake.
+
+[496] If Aristophanes is to be believed, the orators were of depraved
+habits, and exacted infamous complaisances as payment for their lessons
+in rhetoric.
+
+[497] Aristophanes attributes the general dissoluteness to the influence
+of Euripides; he suggests that the subtlety of his poetry, by sharpening
+the wits of the vulgar and even of the coarsest, has instigated them to
+insubordination.
+
+[498] Augé, who was seduced by Heracles, was delivered in the temple of
+Athené (Scholiast); it is unknown in what piece this fact is
+mentioned.--Macareus violates his sister Canacé in the 'Aeolus.'
+
+[499] i.e. they busy themselves with philosophic subtleties. This line is
+taken from 'The Phryxus,' of which some fragments have come down to us.
+
+[500] In the torch-race the victor was the runner who attained the goal
+first without having allowed his torch to go out. This race was a very
+ancient institution. Aristophanes means to say that the old habits had
+fallen into disuse.
+
+[501] A tetralogy composed of three tragedies, the 'Agamemnon,' the
+'Choëphorae,' the 'Eumenides,' together with a satirical drama, the
+'Proteus.'
+
+[502] This is the opening of the 'Choëphorae.' Aeschylus puts the words
+in the mouth of Orestes, who is returning to his native land and visiting
+his father's tomb.
+
+[503] i.e. your jokes are very coarse.
+
+[504] He was one of the Athenian generals in command at Arginusae; he and
+his colleagues were condemned to death for not having given burial to the
+men who fell in that naval fight.
+
+[505] As Euripides had done to those of Aeschylus; that sort of criticism
+was too low for him.
+
+[506] [Greek: D_ekuthion ap_olesa], _oleum perdidi,_ I have lost my
+labour, was a proverbial expression, which was also possibly the refrain
+of some song. Aeschylus means to say that all Euripides' phrases are cast
+in the same mould, and that his style is so poor and insipid that one can
+adapt to it any foolery one wishes; as for the phrase he adds to every
+one of the phrases his rival recites, he chooses it to insinuate that the
+work of Euripides is _labour lost_, and that he would have done just as
+well not to meddle with tragedy. The joke is mediocre at its best and is
+kept up far too long.
+
+[507] Prologue of the 'Archelaus' of Euripides, a tragedy now lost.
+
+[508] From prologue of the 'Hypsipilé' of Euripides, a play now lost.
+
+[509] From prologue of the 'Sthenoboea' of Euripides, a play now lost.
+
+[510] From prologue of the 'Phryxus' of Euripides, a play now lost.
+
+[511] From prologue of the 'Iphigeneia in Tauris' of Euripides.
+
+[512] Prologue of 'The Meleager' by Euripides, lost.
+
+[513] Prologue of 'The Menalippé Sapiens,' by Euripides, lost.
+
+[514] The whole of these fragments are quoted at random and have no
+meaning. Euripides, no doubt, wants to show that the choruses of
+Aeschylus are void of interest or coherence. As to the refrain, "haste to
+sustain the assault," Euripides possibly wants to insinuate that
+Aeschylus incessantly repeats himself and that a wearying monotony
+pervades his choruses. However, all these criticisms are in the main
+devoid of foundation.
+
+[515] This ridiculous couplet pretends to imitate the redundancy and
+nonsensicality of Aeschylus' language; it can be seen how superficial and
+unfair the criticism of Euripides is; probably this is just what
+Aristophanes wanted to convey by this long and wearisome scene.
+
+[516] The Scholiast conjectures this Melitus to be the same individual
+who later accused Socrates.
+
+[517] The most infamous practices were attributed to the Lesbian women,
+amongst others, that of _fellation_, that is the vile trick of taking a
+man's penis in the mouth, to give him gratification by sucking and
+licking it with the tongue. Dionysus means to say that Euripides takes
+pleasure in describing shameful passions.
+
+[518] Here the criticism only concerns the rhythm and not either the
+meaning or the style. This passage was sung to one of the airs that
+Euripides had adopted for his choruses and which have not come down to
+us; we are therefore absolutely without any data that would enable us to
+understand and judge a criticism of this kind.
+
+[519] A celebrated courtesan, who was skilled in twelve different
+postures of Venus. Aeschylus returns to his idea, which he has so often
+indicated, that Euripides' poetry is low and impure; he at the same time
+scoffs at the artifices to which Euripides had recourse when inspiration
+and animation failed him.
+
+[520] No monologue of Euripides that has been preserved bears the
+faintest resemblance to this specimen which. Aeschylus pretends to be
+giving here.
+
+[521] Beginning of Euripides' 'Medea.'
+
+[522] Fragment from Aeschylus 'Philoctetes.' The Sperchius is a river in
+Thessaly, which has its source in the Pindus range and its mouth in the
+Maliac gulf.
+
+[523] A verse from Euripides' 'Antigoné.' Its meaning is, that it is
+better to speak well than to speak the truth, if you want to persuade.
+
+[524] From the 'Niobe,' a lost play, of Aeschylus.
+
+[525] From the 'Telephus' of Euripides, in which he introduces Achilles
+playing at dice. This line was also ridiculed by Eupolis.
+
+[526] From Euripides' 'Meleager.' All these plays, with the one exception
+of the 'Medea,' are lost.
+
+[527] From the 'Glaucus Potniensis,' a lost play of Aeschylus.
+
+[528] i.e. one hundred porters, either because many of the Athenian
+porters were Egyptians, or as an allusion to the Pyramids and other great
+works, which had habituated them to carrying heavy burdens.
+
+[529] Euripides' friend and collaborator.
+
+[530] The invention of weights and measures, of dice, and of the game of
+chess are attributed to him, also that of four additional letters of the
+alphabet.
+
+[531] i.e. that cannot decide for either party.
+
+[532] i.e. that a country can always be invaded and that the fleet alone
+is a safe refuge. This is the same advice as that given by Pericles, and
+which Thucydides expresses thus, "Let your country be devastated, or even
+devastate it yourself, and set sail for Laconia with your fleet."
+
+[533] An allusion to the fees of the dicasts, or jurymen; we have already
+seen that at this period it was two obols, and later three.
+
+[534] A half-line from Euripides' 'Hippolytus.' The full line is: [Greek:
+h_e gl_ott' om_omok', h_e de phr_en an_omotos,] "my tongue has taken an
+oath, but my mind is unsworn," a bit of casuistry which the critics were
+never tired of bringing up against the author.
+
+[535] A verse from the 'Aeolus' of Euripides, but slightly altered.
+Euripides said, "Why is is shameful, if the spectators, who enjoy it, do
+not think so?"
+
+[536] A verse from the 'Phrixus' of Euripides; what follows is a parody.
+
+[537] We have already seen Aeschylus pretending that it was possible to
+adapt any foolish expression one liked to the verses of Euripides: "a
+little bottle, a little bag, a little fleece."
+
+[538] Pluto speaks as though he were an Athenian himself.
+
+[539] That they should hang themselves. Cleophon is said to have been an
+influential alien resident who was opposed to concluding peace; Myrmex
+and Nicomachus were two officials guilty of peculation of public funds;
+Archenomus is unknown.
+
+[540] He would brand them as fugitive slaves, if, despite his orders,
+they refused to come down.
+
+[541] An Athenian admiral.
+
+[542] The real name of the father of Adimantus was Leucolophides, which
+Aristophanes jestingly turns into Leucolophus, i.e. _White Crest_.
+
+[543] i.e. in a foreign country; Cleophon, as we have just seen, was not
+an Athenian.
+
+
+
+
+THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE
+
+or
+
+The Women's Festival
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+Like the 'Lysistrata,' the 'Thesmophoriazusae, or Women's Festival,' and
+the next following play, the 'Ecclesiazusae, or Women in Council' are
+comedies in which the fair sex play a great part, and also resemble that
+extremely _scabreux_ production in the plentiful crop of doubtful 'double
+entendres' and highly suggestive situations they contain.
+
+The play has more of a proper intrigue and formal dénouement than is
+general with our Author's pieces, which, like modern extravaganzas and
+musical comedies, are often strung on a very slender thread of plot. The
+idea of the 'Thesmophoriazusae' is as follows.
+
+Euripides is summoned as a notorious woman-hater and detractor of the
+female sex to appear for trial and judgment before the women of Athens
+assembled to celebrate the Thesmophoria, a festival held in honour of the
+goddesses Demeter and Persephone, from which men were rigidly excluded.
+The poet is terror-stricken, and endeavours to persuade his confrère, the
+tragedian Agathon, to attend the meeting in the guise of a woman to plead
+his cause, Agathon's notorious effeminacy of costume and way of life
+lending itself to the deception; but the latter refuses point-blank. He
+then prevails on his father-in-law, Mnesilochus, to do him this favour,
+and shaves, depilates, and dresses him up accordingly. But so far from
+throwing oil on the troubled waters, Mnesilochus indulges in a long
+harangue full of violent abuse of the whole sex, and relates some
+scandalous stories of the naughty ways of peccant wives. The assembly
+suspects at once there is a man amongst them, and on examination of the
+old fellow's person, this is proved to be the case. He flies for
+sanctuary to the altar, snatching a child from the arms of one of the
+women as a hostage, vowing to kill it if they molest him further. On
+investigation, however, the infant turns out to be a wine-skin dressed in
+baby's clothes.
+
+In despair Mnesilochus sends urgent messages to Euripides to come and
+rescue him from his perilous predicament. The latter then appears, and in
+successive characters selected from his different Tragedies--now Menelaus
+meeting Helen again in Egypt, now Echo sympathising with the chained
+Andromeda, presently Perseus about to release the heroine from her
+rock--pleads for his unhappy father-in-law. At length he succeeds in
+getting him away in the temporary absence of the guard, a Scythian
+archer, whom he entices from his post by the charms of a dancing-girl.
+
+As may be supposed, the appearance of Mnesilochus among the women dressed
+in women's clothes, the examination of his person to discover his true
+sex and his final detection, afford fine opportunities for a display of
+the broadest Aristophanic humour. The latter part of the play also, where
+various pieces of Euripides are burlesqued, is extremely funny; and must
+have been still more so when represented before an audience familiar with
+every piece and almost every line parodied, and played by actors trained
+and got up to imitate every trick and mannerism of appearance and
+delivery of the tragic actors who originally took the parts.
+
+The 'Thesmophoriazusae' was produced in the year 412 B.C., six years
+before the death of Euripides, who is held up to ridicule in it, as he is
+in 'The Wasps' and several other of our Author's comedies.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE
+
+or
+
+The Women's Festival
+
+
+DRAMATIS PERSONAE
+
+EURIPIDES.
+MNESILOCHUS, Father-in-law of Euripides.
+AGATHON.
+SERVANT OF AGATHON.
+CHORUS attending AGATHON.
+HERALD.
+WOMEN.
+CLISTHENES.
+A PRYTANIS or Member of the Council.
+A SCYTHIAN or Police Officer.
+CHORUS OF THESMOPHORIAZUSAE--women keeping the Feast of Demeter.
+
+SCENE: In front of Agathon's house; afterwards in the precincts of the
+Temple of Demeter.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE
+
+or
+
+The Women's Festival
+
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Great Zeus! will the swallow never appear to end the winter
+of my discontent? Why the fellow has kept me on the run ever since early
+this morning; he wants to kill me, that's certain. Before I lose my
+spleen entirely, Euripides, can you at least tell me whither you are
+leading me?
+
+EURIPIDES. What need for you to hear what you are going to see?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. How is that? Repeat it. No need for me to hear....
+
+EURIPIDES. What you are going to see.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Nor consequently to see....
+
+EURIPIDES. What you have to hear.[544]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What is this wiseacre stuff you are telling me? I must
+neither see nor hear.
+
+EURIPIDES. Ah! but you have two things there that are essentially
+distinct.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Seeing and hearing.
+
+EURIPIDES. Undoubtedly.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. In what way distinct?
+
+EURIPIDES. In this way. Formerly, when Ether separated the elements and
+bore the animals that were moving in her bosom, she wished to endow them
+with sight, and so made the eye round like the sun's disc and bored ears
+in the form of a funnel.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And because of this funnel I neither see nor hear. Ah! great
+gods! I am delighted to know it. What a fine thing it is to talk with
+wise men!
+
+EURIPIDES. I will teach you many another thing of the sort.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. That's well to know; but first of all I should like to find
+out how to grow lame, so that I need not have to follow you all about.
+
+EURIPIDES. Come, hear and give heed!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. I'm here and waiting.
+
+EURIPIDES. Do you see that little door?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Yes, certainly.
+
+EURIPIDES. Silence!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Silence about what? About the door?
+
+EURIPIDES. Pay attention!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Pay attention and be silent about the door? Very well.
+
+EURIPIDES. 'Tis there that Agathon, the celebrated tragic poet,
+dwells.[545]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Who is this Agathon?
+
+EURIPIDES. 'Tis a certain Agathon....
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Swarthy, robust of build?
+
+EURIPIDES. No, another. You have never seen him?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. He has a big beard?
+
+EURIPIDES. No, no, evidently you have never seen him.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Never, so far as I know.
+
+EURIPIDES. And yet you have pedicated him. Well, it must have been
+without knowing who he was. Ah! let us step aside; here is one of his
+slaves bringing a brazier and some myrtle branches; no doubt he is going
+to offer a sacrifice and pray for a happy poetical inspiration for
+Agathon.
+
+SERVANT OF AGATHON. Silence! oh, people! keep your mouths sedately shut!
+The chorus of the Muses is moulding songs at my master's hearth. Let the
+winds hold their breath in the silent Ether! Let the azure waves cease
+murmuring on the shore!...
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Brououou! brououou! (_Imitates the buzzing of a fly._)
+
+EURIPIDES. Keep quiet!  what are you saying there?
+
+SERVANT. ... Take your rest, ye winged races, and you, ye savage
+inhabitants of the woods, cease from your erratic wandering ...
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Broum, broum, brououou.
+
+SERVANT. ... for Agathon, our master, the sweet-voiced poet, is going ...
+
+MNESILOCHUS. ... to be pedicated?
+
+SERVANT. Whose voice is that?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis the silent Ether.
+
+SERVANT. ... is going to construct the framework of a drama. He is
+rounding fresh poetical forms, he is polishing them in the lathe and is
+welding them; he is hammering out sentences and metaphors; he is working
+up his subject like soft wax. First he models it and then he casts it in
+bronze ...
+
+MNESILOCHUS. ... and sways his buttocks amorously.
+
+SERVANT. Who is the rustic who approaches this sacred enclosure?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Take care of yourself and of your sweet-voiced poet! I have
+a strong instrument here both well rounded and well polished, which will
+pierce your enclosure and penetrate your bottom.
+
+SERVANT. Old man, you must have been a very insolent fellow in your
+youth!
+
+EURIPIDES (_to the servant_). Let him be, friend, and, quick, go and call
+Agathon to me.
+
+SERVANT. 'Tis not worth the trouble, for he will soon be here himself. He
+has started to compose, and in winter[546] it is never possible to round
+off strophes without coming to the sun to excite the imagination. (_He
+departs._)
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And what am I to do?
+
+EURIPIDES. Wait till he comes.... Oh, Zeus! what hast thou in store for
+me to-day?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. But, great gods, what is the matter then? What are you
+grumbling and groaning for? Tell me; you must not conceal anything from
+your father-in-law.
+
+EURIPIDES. Some great misfortune is brewing against me.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What is it?
+
+EURIPIDES. This day will decide whether it is all over with Euripides or
+not.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. But how? Neither the tribunals nor the Senate are sitting,
+for it is the third of the five days consecrated to Demeter.[547]
+
+EURIPIDES. That is precisely what makes me tremble; the women have
+plotted my ruin, and to-day they are to gather in the Temple of Demeter
+to execute their decision.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Why are they against you?
+
+EURIPIDES. Because I mishandle them in my tragedies.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. By Posidon, you would seem to have thoroughly deserved your
+fate. But how are you going to get out of the mess?
+
+EURIPIDES. I am going to beg Agathon, the tragic poet, to go to the
+Thesmophoria.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And what is he to do there?
+
+EURIPIDES. He would mingle with the women, and stand up for me, if
+needful.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Would he be openly present or secretly?
+
+EURIPIDES. Secretly, dressed in woman's clothes.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. That's a clever notion, thoroughly worthy of you. The prize
+for trickery is ours.
+
+EURIPIDES. Silence!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What's the matter?
+
+EURIPIDES. Here comes Agathon.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Where, where?
+
+EURIPIDES. That's the man they are bringing out yonder on the
+machine.[548]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. I am blind then! I see no man here, I only see Cyrené.[549]
+
+EURIPIDES. Be still! He is getting ready to sing.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What subtle trill, I wonder, is he going to warble to us?
+
+AGATHON. Damsels, with the sacred torch[550] in hand, unite your dance to
+shouts of joy in honour of the nether goddesses; celebrate the freedom of
+your country.
+
+CHORUS. To what divinity is your homage addressed? I wish to mingle mine
+with it.
+
+AGATHON. Oh! Muse! glorify Phoebus with his golden bow, who erected the
+walls of the city of the Simois.[551]
+
+CHORUS. To thee, oh Phoebus, I dedicate my most beauteous songs; to thee,
+the sacred victor in the poetical contests.
+
+AGATHON. And praise Artemis too, the maiden huntress, who wanders on the
+mountains and through the woods....
+
+CHORUS. I, in my turn, celebrate the everlasting happiness of the chaste
+Artemis, the mighty daughter of Latona!
+
+AGATHON. ... and Latona and the tones of the Asiatic lyre, which wed so
+well with the dances of the Phrygian Graces.[552]
+
+CHORUS. I do honour to the divine Latona and to the lyre, the mother of
+songs of male and noble strains. The eyes of the goddess sparkle while
+listening to our enthusiastic chants. Honour to the powerful Phoebus!
+Hail! thou blessed son of Latona!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! ye venerable Genetyllides,[553] what tender and
+voluptuous songs! They surpass the most lascivious kisses in sweetness; I
+feel a thrill of delight pass up my rectum as I listen to them. Young
+man, whoever you are, answer my questions, which I am borrowing from
+Aeschylus' 'Lycurgeia.'[554] Whence comes this effeminate? What is his
+country? his dress? What contradictions his life shows! A lyre and a
+hair-net! A wrestling school oil flask and a girdle![555] What could be
+more contradictory? What relation has a mirror to a sword? And you
+yourself, who are you? Do you pretend to be a man? Where is the sign of
+your manhood, your penis, pray? Where is the cloak, the footgear that
+belong to that sex? Are you a woman? Then where are your breasts? Answer
+me. But you keep silent. Oh! just as you choose; your songs display your
+character quite sufficiently.
+
+AGATHON. Old man, old man, I hear the shafts of jealousy whistling by my
+ears, but they do not hit me. My dress is in harmony with my thoughts. A
+poet must adopt the nature of his characters. Thus, if he is placing
+women on the stage, he must contract all their habits in his own person.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Then you ride the high horse[556] when you are composing a
+Phaedra.
+
+AGATHON. If the heroes are men, everything in him will be manly. What we
+don't possess by nature, we must acquire by imitation.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. When you are staging Satyrs, call me; I will do my best to
+help you from behind with standing tool.
+
+AGATHON. Besides, it is bad taste for a poet to be coarse and hairy. Look
+at the famous Ibycus, at Anacreon of Teos, and at Alcaeus,[557] who
+handled music so well; they wore headbands and found pleasure in the
+lascivious dances of Ionia. And have you not heard what a dandy
+Phrynichus was[558] and how careful in his dress? For this reason his
+pieces were also beautiful, for the works of a poet are copied from
+himself.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Ah! so it is for this reason that Philocles, who is so
+hideous, writes hideous pieces; Xenocles, who is malicious, malicious
+ones, and Theognis,[559] who is cold, such cold ones?
+
+AGATHON. Yes, necessarily and unavoidably; and 'tis because I knew this
+that I have so well cared for my person.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. How, in the gods' name?
+
+EURIPIDES. Come, leave off badgering him; I was just the same at his age,
+when I began to write.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. At! then, by Zeus! I don't envy you your fine manners.
+
+EURIPIDES (_to Agathon_). But listen to the cause that brings me here.
+
+AGATHON. Say on.
+
+EURIPIDES. Agathon, wise is he who can compress many thoughts into few
+words.[560] Struck by a most cruel misfortune, I come to you as a
+suppliant.
+
+AGATHON. What are you asking?
+
+EURIPIDES. The women purpose killing me to-day during the Thesmophoria,
+because I have dared to speak ill of them.
+
+AGATHON. And what can I do for you in the matter?
+
+EURIPIDES. Everything. Mingle secretly with the women by making yourself
+pass as one of themselves; then do you plead my cause with your own lips,
+and I am saved. You, and you alone, are capable of speaking of me
+worthily.
+
+AGATHON. But why not go and defend yourself?
+
+EURIPIDES. 'Tis impossible. First of all, I am known; further, I have
+white hair and a long beard; whereas you, you are good-looking, charming,
+and are close-shaven; you are fair, delicate, and have a woman's voice.
+
+AGATHON. Euripides!
+
+EURIPIDES. Well?
+
+AGATHON. Have you not said in one of your pieces, "You love to see the
+light, and don't you believe your father loves it too?"[561]
+
+EURIPIDES. Yes.
+
+AGATHON. Then never you think I am going to expose myself in your stead;
+'twould be madness. 'Tis for you to submit to the fate that overtakes
+you; one must not try to trick misfortune, but resign oneself to it with
+good grace.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. This is why you, you wretch, offer your posterior with a
+good grace to lovers, not in words, but in actual fact.
+
+EURIPIDES. But what prevents your going there?
+
+AGATHON. I should run more risk than you would.
+
+EURIPIDES. Why?
+
+AGATHON. Why? I should look as if I were wanting to trespass on secret
+nightly pleasures of the women and to ravish their Aphrodité.[562]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Of wanting to ravish indeed! you mean wanting to be
+ravished--in the rearward mode. Ah! great gods! a fine excuse truly!
+
+EURIPIDES. Well then, do you agree?
+
+AGATHON. Don't count upon it.
+
+EURIPIDES. Oh! I am unfortunate indeed! I am undone!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Euripides, my friend, my son-in-law, never despair.
+
+EURIPIDES. What can be done?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Send him to the devil and do with me as you like.
+
+EURIPIDES. Very well then, since you devote yourself to my safety, take
+off your cloak first.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. There, it lies on the ground. But what do you want to do
+with me?
+
+EURIPIDES. To shave off this beard of yours, and to remove your hair
+below as well.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Do what you think fit; I yield myself entirely to you.
+
+EURIPIDES. Agathon, you have always razors about you; lend me one.
+
+AGATHON. Take if yourself, there, out of that case.
+
+EURIPIDES. Thanks. Sit down and puff out the right cheek.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! oh! oh!
+
+EURIPIDES. What are you shouting for? I'll cram a spit down your gullet,
+if you're not quiet.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! (_He springs up and starts running
+away._)
+
+EURIPIDES. Where are you running to now?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. To the temple of the Eumenides.[563] No, by Demeter I won't
+let myself be gashed like that.
+
+EURIPIDES. But you will get laughed at, with your face half-shaven like
+that.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Little care I.
+
+EURIPIDES. In the gods' names, don't leave me in the lurch. Come here.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! by the gods! (_Resumes his seat._)
+
+EURIPIDES. Keep still and hold up your head. Why do you want to fidget
+about like this?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Mu, mu.
+
+EURIPIDES. Well! why, mu, mu? There! 'tis done and well done too!
+
+MNESILOCHUS Ah! great god! It makes me feel quite light.
+
+EURIPIDES. Don't worry yourself; you look charming. Do you want to see
+yourself?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Aye, that I do; hand the mirror here.
+
+EURIPIDES. Do you see yourself?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. But this is not I, it is Clisthenes![564]
+
+EURIPIDES. Stand up; I am now going to remove your hair. Bend down.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Alas! alas! they are going to grill me like a pig.
+
+EURIPIDES. Come now, a torch or a lamp! Bend down and take care of the
+tender end of your tail!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Aye, aye! but I'm afire! oh! oh! Water, water, neighbour, or
+my rump will be alight!
+
+EURIPIDES. Keep up your courage!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Keep my courage, when I'm being burnt up?
+
+EURIPIDES. Come, cease your whining, the worst is over.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! it's quite black, all burnt below there all about the
+hole!
+
+EURIPIDES. Don't worry! that will be washed off with a sponge.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Woe to him who dares to wash my rump!
+
+EURIPIDES. Agathon, you refuse to devote yourself to helping me; but at
+any rate lend me a tunic and a belt. You cannot say you have not got
+them.
+
+AGATHON. Take them and use them as you like; I consent.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What must be taken?
+
+EURIPIDES. What must be taken? First put on this long saffron-coloured
+robe.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. By Aphrodité! what a sweet odour! how it smells of a man's
+genitals![565] Hand it me quickly. And the belt?
+
+EURIPIDES. Here it is.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Now some rings for my legs.
+
+EURIPIDES. You still want a hair-net and a head-dress.
+
+AGATHON. Here is my night-cap.
+
+EURIPIDES. Ah! that's capital.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Does it suit me?
+
+AGATHON. It could not be better.
+
+EURIPIDES. And a short mantle?
+
+AGATHON. There's one on the couch; take it.
+
+EURIPIDES. He wants slippers.
+
+AGATHON. Here are mine.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Will they fit me? You like a loose fit.[566]
+
+AGATHON. Try them on. Now that you have all you need, let me be taken
+inside.[567]
+
+EURIPIDES. You look for all the world like a woman. But when you talk,
+take good care to give your voice a woman's tone.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. I'll try my best.
+
+EURIPIDES. Come, get yourself to the temple.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. No, by Apollo, not unless you swear to me ...
+
+EURIPIDES. What?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. ... that, if anything untoward happen to me, you will leave
+nothing undone to save me.
+
+EURIPIDES Very well! I swear it by the Ether, the dwelling-place of the
+king of the gods.[568]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Why not rather swear it by the disciples of
+Hippocrates?[569]
+
+EURIPIDES. Come, I swear it by all the gods, both great and small.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Remember, 'tis the heart, and not the tongue, that has
+sworn;[570] for the oaths of the tongue concern me but little.
+
+EURIPIDES. Hurry yourself! The signal for the meeting has just been
+displayed on the Temple of Demeter. Farewell. [_Exit._
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Here, Thratta, follow me.[571] Look, Thratta, at the cloud
+of smoke that arises from all these lighted torches. Ah! beautiful
+Thesmophorae![572] grant me your favours, protect me, both within the
+temple and on my way back! Come, Thratta, put down the basket and take
+out the cake, which I wish to offer to the two goddesses. Mighty
+divinity, oh, Demeter, and thou, Persephoné, grant that I may be able to
+offer you many sacrifices; above all things, grant that I may not be
+recognized. Would that my young daughter might marry a man as rich as he
+is foolish and silly, so that she may have nothing to do but amuse
+herself. But where can a place be found for hearing well? Be off,
+Thratta, be off; slaves have no right to be present at this
+gathering.[573]
+
+HERALD. Silence! Silence! Pray to the Thesmophorae, Demeter and Cora;
+pray to Plutus,[574] Calligenia,[575] Curotrophos,[576] the Earth, Hermes
+and the Graces, that all may happen for the best at this gathering, both
+for the greatest advantage of Athens and for our own personal happiness!
+May the award be given her, who, by both deeds and words, has most
+deserved it from the Athenian people and from the women! Address these
+prayers to heaven and demand happiness for yourselves. Io Paean! Io
+Paean! Let us rejoice!
+
+CHORUS. May the gods deign to accept our vows and our prayers! Oh!
+almighty Zeus, and thou, god with the golden lyre,[577] who reignest on
+sacred Delos, and thou, oh, invincible virgin, Pallas, with the eyes of
+azure and the spear of gold, who protectest our illustrious city, and
+thou, the daughter of the beautiful Latona, the queen of the
+forests,[578] who art adored under many names, hasten hither at my call.
+Come, thou mighty Posidon, king of the Ocean, leave thy stormy whirlpools
+of Nereus; come goddesses of the seas, come, ye nymphs, who wander on the
+mountains. Let us unite our voices to the sounds of the golden lyre, and
+may wisdom preside at the gathering of the noble matrons of Athens.
+
+HERALD. Address your prayers to the gods and goddesses of Olympus, of
+Delphi, Delos and all other places; if there be a man who is plotting
+against the womenfolk or who, to injure them, is proposing peace to
+Euripides and the Medes, or who aspires to usurping the tyranny, plots
+the return of a tyrant, or unmasks a supposititious child; or if there be
+a slave who, a confidential party to a wife's intrigues, reveals them
+secretly to her husband, or who, entrusted with a message, does not
+deliver the same faithfully; if there be a lover who fulfils naught of
+what he has promised a woman, whom he has abused on the strength of his
+lies, if there be an old woman who seduces the lover of a maiden by dint
+of her presents and treacherously receives him in her house; if there be
+a host or hostess who sells false measure, pray the gods that they will
+overwhelm them with their wrath, both them and their families, and that
+they may reserve all their favours for you.
+
+CHORUS. Let us ask the fulfilment of these wishes both for the city and
+for the people, and may the wisest of us cause her opinion to be
+accepted. But woe to those women who break their oaths, who speculate on
+the public misfortune, who seek to alter the laws and the decrees, who
+reveal our secrets to the foe and admit the Medes into our territory so
+that they may devastate it! I declare them both impious and criminal. Oh!
+almighty Zeus! see to it that the gods protect us, albeit we are but
+women!
+
+HERALD. Hearken, all of you! this is the decree passed by the Senate of
+the Women under the presidency of Timoclea and at the suggestion of
+Sostrata; it is signed by Lysilla, the secretary: "There will be a
+gathering of the people on the morning of the third day of the
+Thesmophoria, which is a day of rest for us; the principal business there
+shall be the punishment that it is meet to inflict upon Euripides for the
+insults with which he has loaded us." Now who asks to speak?
+
+FIRST WOMAN. I do.
+
+HERALD. First put on this garland, and then speak. Silence! let all be
+quiet! Pay attention! for here she is spitting as orators generally do
+before they begin; no doubt she has much to say.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. If I have asked to speak, may the goddesses bear me witness,
+it was not for sake of ostentation. But I have long been pained to see us
+women insulted by this Euripides, this son of the green-stuff woman,[579]
+who loads us with every kind of indignity. Has he not hit us enough,
+calumniated us sufficiently, wherever there are spectators, tragedians,
+and a chorus? Does he not style us gay, lecherous, drunken, traitorous,
+boastful? Does he not repeat that we are all vice, that we are the curse
+of our husbands? So that, directly they come back from the theatre, they
+look at us doubtfully and go searching every nook, fearing there may be
+some hidden lover. We can do nothing as we used to, so many are the false
+ideas which he has instilled into our husbands. Is a woman weaving a
+garland for herself? 'Tis because she is in love.[580] Does she let some
+vase drop while going or returning to the house? her husband asks her in
+whose honour she has broken it, "It can only be for that Corinthian
+stranger."[581] Is a maiden unwell? Straightway her brother says, "That
+is a colour that does not please me."[582] And if a childless woman
+wishes to substitute one, the deceit can no longer be a secret, for the
+neighbours will insist on being present at her delivery. Formerly the old
+men married young girls, but they have been so calumniated that none
+think of them now, thanks to the verse: "A woman is the tyrant of the old
+man who marries her."[583] Again, it is because of Euripides that we are
+incessantly watched, that we are shut up behind bolts and bars, and that
+dogs are kept to frighten off the gallants. Let that pass; but formerly
+it was we who had the care of the food, who fetched the flour from the
+storeroom, the oil and the wine; we can do it no more. Our husbands now
+carry little Spartan keys on their persons, made with three notches and
+full of malice and spite.[584] Formerly it sufficed to purchase a ring
+marked with the same sign for three obols, to open the most securely
+sealed-up door;[585] but now this pestilent Euripides has taught men to
+hang seals of worm-eaten wood about their necks.[586] My opinion,
+therefore, is that we should rid ourselves of our enemy by poison or by
+any other means, provided he dies. That is what I announce publicly; as
+to certain points, which I wish to keep secret, I propose to record them
+on the secretary's minutes.
+
+CHORUS. Never have I listened to a cleverer or more eloquent woman.
+Everything she says is true; she has examined the matter from all sides
+and has weighed up every detail. Her arguments are close, varied, and
+happily chosen. I believe that Xenocles himself, the son of Carcinus,
+would seem to talk mere nonsense, if placed beside her.
+
+SECOND WOMAN. I have only a very few words to add, for the last speaker
+has covered the various points of the indictment; allow me only to tell
+you what happened to me. My husband died at Cyprus, leaving me five
+children, whom I had great trouble to bring up by weaving chaplets on the
+myrtle market. Anyhow, I lived as well as I could until this wretch had
+persuaded the spectators by his tragedies that there were no gods; since
+then I have not sold as many chaplets by half. I charge you therefore and
+exhort you all to punish him, for does he not deserve it in a thousand
+respects, he who loads you with troubles, who is as coarse toward you as
+the green-stuff upon which his mother reared him? But I must back to the
+market to weave my chaplets; I have twenty to deliver yet.
+
+CHORUS. This is even more animated and more trenchant than the first
+speech; all she has just said is full of good sense and to the point; it
+is clever, clear and well calculated to convince. Yes! we must have
+striking vengeance on the insults of Euripides.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh, women! I am not astonished at these outbursts of fiery
+rage; how could your bile not get inflamed against Euripides, who has
+spoken so ill of you? As for myself, I hate the man, I swear it by my
+children; 'twould be madness not to hate him! Yet, let us reflect a
+little; we are alone and our words will not be repeated outside. Why be
+so bent on his ruin? Because he has known and shown up two or three of
+our faults, when we have a thousand? As for myself, not to speak of other
+women, I have more than one great sin upon my conscience, but this is the
+blackest of them. I had been married three days and my husband was asleep
+by my side; I had a lover, who had seduced me when I was seven years old;
+impelled by his passion, he came scratching at the door; I understood at
+once he was there and was going down noiselessly. "Where are you going?"
+asked my husband. "I am suffering terribly with colic," I told him, "and
+am going to the closet." "Go," he replied, and started pounding together
+juniper berries, aniseed, and sage.[587] As for myself, I moistened the
+door-hinge[588] and went to find my lover, who embraced me,
+half-reclining upon Apollo's altar[589] and holding on to the sacred
+laurel with one hand. Well now! Consider! that is a thing of which
+Euripides has never spoken. And when we bestow our favours on slaves and
+muleteers for want of better, does he mention this? And when we eat
+garlic early in the morning after a night of wantonness, so that our
+husband, who has been keeping guard upon the city wall, may be reassured
+by the smell and suspect nothing,[590] has Euripides ever breathed a word
+of this? Tell me. Neither has he spoken of the woman who spreads open a
+large cloak before her husband's eyes to make him admire it in full
+daylight to conceal her lover by so doing and afford him the means of
+making his escape. I know another, who for ten whole days pretended to be
+suffering the pains of labour until she had secured a child; the husband
+hurried in all directions to buy drugs to hasten her deliverance, and
+meanwhile an old woman brought the infant in a stew-pot; to prevent its
+crying she had stopped up its mouth with honey. With a sign she told the
+wife that she was bringing a child for her, who at once began exclaiming,
+"Go away, friend, go away, I think I am going to be delivered; I can feel
+him kicking his heels in the belly ... of the stew-pot."[591] The husband
+goes off full of joy, and the old wretch quickly picks the honey out of
+the child's mouth, which sets a-crying; then she seizes the babe, runs to
+the father and tells him with a smile on her face, "'Tis a lion, a lion,
+that is born to you; 'tis your very image. Everything about it is like
+you, even to its little tool, which is all twisty like a fir-cone." Are
+these not our everyday tricks? Why certainly, by Artemis, and we are
+angry with Euripides, who assuredly treats us no worse than we deserve!
+
+CHORUS. Great gods! where has she unearthed all that? What country gave
+birth to such an audacious woman? Oh! you wretch! I should not have
+thought ever a one of us could have spoken in public with such impudence.
+'Tis clear, however, that we must expect everything and, as the old
+proverb says, must look beneath every stone, lest it conceal some
+orator[592] ready to sting us. There is but one thing in the world worse
+than a shameless woman, and that's another woman.
+
+THIRD WOMAN. By Aglaurus![593] you have lost your wits, friends! You must
+be bewitched to suffer this plague to belch forth insults against us all.
+Is there no one has any spirit at all? If not, we and our maid-servants
+will punish her. Run and fetch coals and let's depilate her cunt in
+proper style, to teach her not to speak ill of her sex.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! no! have mercy, friends. Have we not the right to speak
+frankly at this gathering? And because I have uttered what I thought
+right in favour of Euripides, do you want to depilate me for my trouble?
+
+THIRD WOMAN. What! we ought not to punish you, who alone have dared to
+defend the man who has done us so much harm, whom it pleases to put all
+the vile women that ever were upon the stage, who only shows us
+Melanippés Phaedras? But of Penelopé he has never said a word, because
+she was reputed chaste and good.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. I know the reason. 'Tis because not a single Penelopé exists
+among the women of to-day, but all without exception are Phaedras.
+
+THIRD WOMAN. Women, you hear how this creature still dares to speak of us
+all.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And, 'faith, I have not said all that I know. Do you want
+any more?
+
+THIRD WOMAN. You cannot tell us any more; you have emptied your bag.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Why, I have not told the thousandth part of what we women
+do. Have I said how we use the hollow handles of our brooms to draw up
+wine unbeknown to our husbands.
+
+THIRD WOMAN. The cursed jade!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And how we give meats to our lovers at the feast of the
+Apaturia and then accuse the cat....
+
+THIRD WOMAN. She's mad!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. ... Have I mentioned the woman who killed her husband with a
+hatchet? Of another, who caused hers to lose his reason with her potions?
+And of the Acharnian woman ...
+
+THIRD WOMAN. Die, you bitch!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. ... who buried her father beneath the bath?[594]
+
+THIRD WOMAN. And yet we listen to such things?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Have I told how you attributed to yourself the male child
+your slave had just borne and gave her your little daughter?
+
+THIRD WOMAN. This insult calls for vengeance. Look out for your hair!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. By Zeus! don't touch me.
+
+THIRD WOMAN. There!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. There! tit for tat! (_They exchange blows._)
+
+THIRD WOMAN. Hold my cloak, Philista!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Come on then, and by Demeter ...
+
+THIRD WOMAN. Well! what?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. ... I'll make you disgorge the sesame-cake you have
+eaten.[595]
+
+CHORUS. Cease wrangling! I see a woman[596] running here in hot haste.
+Keep silent, so that we may hear the better what she has to say.
+
+CLISTHENES. Friends, whom I copy in all things, my hairless chin
+sufficiently evidences how dear you are to me; I am women-mad and make
+myself their champion wherever I am. Just now on the market-place I heard
+mention of a thing that is of the greatest importance to you; I come to
+tell it you, to let you know it, so that you may watch carefully and be
+on your guard against the danger which threatens you.
+
+CHORUS. What is it, my child? I can well call you child, for you have so
+smooth a skin.
+
+CLISTHENES. 'Tis said that Euripides has sent an old man here to-day, one
+of his relations ...
+
+CHORUS. With what object? What is his purpose?
+
+CLISTHENES. ... so that he may hear your speeches and inform him of your
+deliberations and intentions.
+
+CHORUS. But how would a man fail to be recognized amongst women?
+
+CLISTHENES. Euripides singed and depilated him and disguised him as a
+woman.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. This is pure invention! What man is fool enough to let
+himself be depilated? As for myself, I don't believe a word of it.
+
+CLISTHENES. Are you mad? I should not have come here to tell you, if I
+did not know it on indisputable authority.
+
+CHORUS. Great gods! what is it you tell us! Come, women, let us not lose
+a moment; let us search and rummage everywhere! Where can this man have
+hidden himself escape our notice? Help us to look, Clisthenes; we shall
+thus owe you double thanks, dear friend.
+
+CLISTHENES (_to a fourth woman_). Well then! let us see. To begin with
+you; who are you?
+
+MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Wherever am I to stow myself?
+
+CLISTHENES. Each and every one must pass the scrutiny.
+
+MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). Oh! great gods!
+
+FOURTH WOMAN. You ask me who I am? I am the wife of Cleonymus.[597]
+
+CLISTHENES. Do you know this woman?
+
+CHORUS. Yes, yes, pass on to the rest.
+
+CLISTHENES. And she who carries the child?
+
+MNESILOCHUS (_aside_). I'm a dead man. (_He runs off._)
+
+CLISTHENES (_to Mnesilochus_). Hi! you there! where are you off to? Stop
+there. What are you running away for?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. I want to relieve myself.
+
+CLISTHENES. The shameless thing! Come, hurry yourself; I will wait here
+for you.
+
+CHORUS. Wait for her and examine her closely; 'tis the only one we do
+not know.
+
+CLISTHENES. You are a long time about your business.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Aye, my god, yes; 'tis because I am unwell, for I ate cress
+yesterday.[598]
+
+CLISTHENES. What are you chattering about cress? Come here and be quick.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! don't pull a poor sick woman about like that.
+
+CLISTHENES. Tell me, who is your husband?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. My husband? Do you know a certain individual at
+Cothocidae[599]...?
+
+CLISTHENES. Whom do you mean? Give his name.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis an individual to whom the son of a certain individual
+one day....
+
+CLISTHENES. You are drivelling! Let's see, have you ever been here
+before?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Why certainly, every year.
+
+CLISTHENES. Who is your tent companion?[600]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis a certain.... Oh! my god!
+
+CLISTHENES. You don't answer.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. Withdraw, all of you; I am going to examine her thoroughly
+about last year's mysteries. But move away, Clisthenes, for no man may
+hear what is going to be said. Now answer my questions! What was done
+first?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Let's see then. What was done first? Oh! we drank.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. And then?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. We drank to our healths.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. You will have heard that from someone. And then?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Xenylla relieved herself in a cup, for there was no other
+vessel.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. You trifle. Here, Clisthenes, here! This is the man of whom
+you spoke.
+
+CLISTHENES. What is to be done then?
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. Take off his clothes, I can get nothing out of him.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What! are you going to strip a mother of nine children
+naked?
+
+CLISTHENES. Come, undo your girdle, you shameless thing.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! what a sturdy frame! but she has no breasts like we
+have.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. That's because I'm barren. I never had any children.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. Oh! indeed! just now you were the mother of nine.
+
+CLISTHENES. Stand up straight. Hullo! what do I see there?  Why, a penis
+sticking out behind.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. There's no mistaking it; you can see it projecting, and a
+fine red it is.
+
+CLISTHENES. Where has it gone to now?
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. To the front.
+
+CLISTHENES. No.
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! 'tis behind now.
+
+CLISTHENES. Why, friend, 'tis for all the world like the Isthmus; you
+keep pulling your tool backwards and forwards just as the Corinthians do
+their ships.[601]
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. Ah! the wretch! this is why he insulted us and defended
+Euripides.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Aye, wretch indeed, what troubles have I not got into now!
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. What shall we do?
+
+CLISTHENES. Watch him closely, so that he does not escape. As for me, I
+go to report the matter to the magistrates, the Prytanes.
+
+CHORUS. Let us kindle our lamps; let us go firmly to work and with
+courage, let us take off our cloaks and search whether some other man has
+not come here too; let us pass round the whole Pnyx,[602] examine the
+tents and the passages.[603] Come, be quick, let us start off on a light
+toe[604] and rummage all round in silence. Let us hasten, let us finish
+our round as soon as possible. Look quickly for the traces that might
+show you a man hidden here, let your glance fall on every side; look well
+to the right and to the left. If we seize some impious fellow, woe to
+him! He will know how we punish the outrage, the crime, the sacrilege.
+The criminal will then acknowledge at last that gods exist; his fate will
+teach all men that the deities must be revered, that justice must be
+observed and that they must submit to the sacred laws. If not, then woe
+to them! Heaven itself will punish sacrilege; being aflame with fury and
+mad with frenzy, all their deeds will prove to mortals, both men and
+women, that the deity punishes injustice and impiety, and that she is not
+slow to strike. But I think I have now searched everywhere and that no
+other man is hidden among us.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Where is he flying to? Stop him! stop him! Ah! miserable
+woman that I am, he has torn my child from my breast and has disappeared
+with it.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Scream as loud as you will, but he shall never suck your
+bosom more. If you do not let me go this very instant, I am going to cut
+open the veins of his thighs with this cutlass and his blood shall flow
+over the altar.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! great gods! oh! friends, help me! terrify him with your
+shrieks, triumph over this monster, permit him not to rob me of my only
+child.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! oh! venerable Parcae, what fresh attack is this? 'Tis the
+crowning act of audacity and shamelessness! What has he done now,
+friends, what has he done?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Ah! this insolence passes all bounds, but I shall know how
+to curb it.
+
+CHORUS. What a shameful deed! the measure of his iniquities is full!
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Aye, 'tis shameful that he should have robbed me of my
+child.
+
+CHORUS. 'Tis past belief to be so criminal and so impudent!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Ah! you're not near the end of it yet.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Little I care whence you come; you shall not return to boast
+of having acted so odiously with impunity, for you shall be punished.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. You won't do it, by the gods!
+
+CHORUS. And what immortal would protect you for your crime?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis in vain you talk! I shall not let go the child.
+
+CHORUS. By the goddesses, you will not laugh presently over your crime
+and your impious speech. For with impiety, as 'tis meet, shall we reply
+to your impiety. Soon fortune will turn round and overwhelm you. Come!
+bring wood along. Let us burn the wretch, let us roast him as quickly as
+possible.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Bring faggots, Mania! (_To Mnesilochus._) You will be mere
+charcoal soon.
+
+CHORUS. Grill away, roast me, but you, my child, take off this Cretan
+robe and blame no one but your mother for your death. But what does this
+mean? The little girl is nothing but a skin filled with wine and shod
+with Persian slippers.[605] Oh! you wanton, you tippling woman, who think
+of nothing but wine; you are a fortune to the drinking-shops and are our
+ruin; for the sake of drink, you neglect both your household and your
+shuttle!
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Faggots, Mania, plenty of them.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Bring as many as you like. But answer me; are you the mother
+of this brat?
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. I carried it ten months.[606]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. You carried it?
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. I swear it by Artemis.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. How much does it hold? Three cotylae?[607] Tell me.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Oh! what have you done? You have stripped the poor child
+quite naked, and it is so small, so small.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. So small?
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Yes, quite small, to be sure.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. How old is it? Has it seen the feast of cups thrice or four
+times?
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. It was born about the time of the last Dionysia.[608] But
+give it back to me.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. No, may Apollo bear me witness.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Well, then we are going to burn him.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Burn me, but then I shall rip this open instantly.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. No, no, I adjure you, don't; do anything you like to me
+rather than that.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What a tender mother you are; but nevertheless I shall rip
+it open. (_Tears open the wine-skin_.)
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Oh, my beloved daughter! Mania, hand me the sacred cup, that
+I may at least catch the blood of my child.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Hold it below; 'tis the sole favour I grant you.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Out upon you, you pitiless monster!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. This robe belongs to the priestess.[609]
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. What belongs to the priestess?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Here, take it. (_Throws her the Cretan robe._)
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! unfortunate Mica! who has robbed you of your daughter,
+your beloved child?
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. That wretch. But as you are here, watch him well, while I go
+with Clisthenes to the Prytanes and denounce him for his crimes.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Ah! how can I secure safety? what device can I hit on? what
+can I think of? He whose fault it is, he who hurried me into this
+trouble, will not come to my rescue. Let me see, whom could I best send
+to him? Ha! I know a means taken from Palamedes; like him, I will write
+my misfortune on some oars, which I will cast into the sea. But there are
+no oars here. Where might I find some?[610] Where indeed? Bah! what if I
+took these statues[611] instead of oars, wrote upon them and then threw
+them towards this side and that. 'Tis the best thing to do. Besides, like
+oars they are of wood. Oh! my hands, keep up your courage, for my safety
+is at stake. Come, my beautiful tablets, receive the traces of my stylus
+and be the messengers of my sorry fate. Oh! oh! this B looks miserable
+enough! Where is it running to then? Come, off with you in all
+directions, to the right and to the left; and hurry yourselves, for
+there's much need indeed!
+
+CHORUS. Let us address ourselves to the spectators to sing our praises,
+despite the fact that each one says much ill of women. If the men are to
+be believed, we are a plague to them; through us come all their troubles,
+quarrels, disputes, sedition, griefs and wars. But if we are truly such a
+pest, why marry us? Why forbid us to go out or show ourselves at the
+window? You want to keep this pest, and take a thousand cares to do it.
+If your wife goes out and you meet her away from the house, you fly into
+a fury. Ought you not rather to rejoice and give thanks to the gods? for
+if the pest has disappeared, you will no longer find it at home. If we
+fall asleep at friends' houses from the fatigue of playing and sporting,
+each of you comes prowling round the bed to contemplate the features of
+this pest. If we seat ourselves at the window, each one wants to see the
+pest, and if we withdraw through modesty, each wants all the more to see
+the pest perch herself there again. It is thus clear that we are better
+than you, and the proof of this is easy. Let us find out which is worse
+of the two sexes. We say, "'Tis you," while you aver, 'tis we. Come, let
+us compare them in detail, each individual man with a woman. Charminus is
+not equal to Nausimaché,[612] that's certain. Cleophon[613] is in every
+respect inferior to Salabaccho.[614] 'Tis long now since any of you has
+dared to contest the prize with Aristomaché, the heroine of Marathon, or
+with Stratonicé.[615]
+
+Among the last year's Senators, who have just yielded their office to
+other citizens, is there one who equals Eubulé?[616] Therefore we
+maintain that men are greatly our inferiors. You see no woman who has
+robbed the State of fifty talents rushing about the city in a magnificent
+chariot; our greatest peculations are a measure of corn, which we steal
+from our husbands, and even then we return it them the very same day. But
+we could name many amongst you who do quite as much, and who are, even
+more than ourselves, gluttons, parasites, cheats and kidnappers of
+slaves. We know how to keep our property better than you. We still have
+our cylinders, our beams,[617] our baskets and our sunshades; whereas
+many among you have lost the wood of your spears as well as the iron, and
+many others have cast away their bucklers on the battlefield.
+
+There are many reproaches we have the right to bring against men. The
+most serious is this, that the woman, who has given birth to a useful
+citizen, whether taxiarch or strategus[618] should receive some
+distinction; a place of honour should be reserved for her at the Sthenia,
+the Scirophoria,[619] and the other festivals that we keep. On the other
+hand, she of whom a coward was born or a worthless man, a bad
+trierarch[620] or an unskilful pilot, should sit with shaven head, behind
+her sister who had borne a brave man. Oh! citizens! is it just, that the
+mother of Hyperbolus should sit dressed in white and with loosened
+tresses beside that of Lamachus[621] and lend out money on usury? He, who
+may have done a deal of this nature with her, so far from paying her
+interest, should not even repay the capital, saying, "What, pay you
+interest? after you have given us this delightful son?"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. I have contracted quite a squint by looking round for him,
+and yet Euripides does not come. Who is keeping him? No doubt he is
+ashamed of his cold Palamedes.[622] What will attract him? Let us see! By
+which of his pieces does he set most store? Ah! I'll imitate his
+Helen,[623] his lastborn. I just happen to have a complete woman's
+outfit.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. What are you ruminating over now again? Why are you
+rolling up your eyes? You'll have no reason to be proud of your Helen, if
+you don't keep quiet until one of the Prytanes arrives.
+
+MNESILOCHUS (_as Helen_). "These shores are those of the Nile with the
+beautiful nymphs, these waters take the place of heaven's rain and
+fertilize the white earth, that produces the black syrmea."[624]
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. By bright Hecaté, you're a cunning varlet.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "Glorious Sparta is my country and Tyndareus is my
+father."[625]
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. He your father, you rascal! Why, 'tis Phrynondas.[626]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "I was given the name of Helen."
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. What! you are again becoming a woman, before we have
+punished you for having pretended it a first time!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "A thousand warriors have died on my account on the banks of
+the Scamander."
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Why have you not done the same?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "And here I am upon these shores; Menelaus, my unhappy
+husband, does not yet come. Ah! how life weighs upon me! Oh! ye cruel
+crows, who have not devoured my body! But what sweet hope is this that
+sets my heart a-throb? Oh, Zeus! grant it may not prove a lying one!"
+
+EURIPIDES (_as Menelaus_). "To what master does this splendid palace
+belong? Will he welcome strangers who have been tried on the billows of
+the sea by storm and shipwreck?"[627]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "This is the palace of Proteus."[628]
+
+EURIPIDES. "Of what Proteus?"
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Oh! the thrice cursed rascal! how he lies! By the
+goddesses, 'tis ten years since Proteas[629] died.
+
+EURIPIDES. "What is this shore whither the wind has driven our boat?"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "It's Egypt."
+
+EURIPIDES. "Alas! how far we are from our own country!"
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. But don't believe that cursed fool. This is Demeter's
+Temple.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Is Proteus in these parts?"
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah, now, stranger, it must be sea-sickness that makes you
+so distraught! You have been told that Proteas is dead, and yet you ask
+if he is in these parts.
+
+EURIPIDES. "He is no more! Oh! woe! where lie his ashes?"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. 'Tis on his tomb you see me sitting.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. You call an altar a tomb! Beware of the rope!
+
+EURIPIDES. "And why remain sitting on this tomb, wrapped in this long
+veil, oh, stranger lady?"[630]
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "They want to force me to marry a son of Proteus."
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! wretch, why tell such shameful lies? Stranger, this is
+a rascal who has slipped in amongst us women to rob us of our trinkets.
+
+MNESILOCHUS (_to Seventh Woman_) "Shout! load me with your insults, for
+little care I."
+
+EURIPIDES. "Who is the old woman who reviles you, stranger lady?"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "'Tis Theonoé, the daughter of Proteus."
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. I! Why, my name's Critylla, the daughter of
+Antitheus,[631] of the deme of Gargettus;[632] as for you, you are a
+rogue.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "Your entreaties are vain. Never shall I wed your brother;
+never shall I betray the faith I owe my husband Menelaus, who is fighting
+before Troy."
+
+EURIPIDES. "What are you saying? Turn your face towards me."
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "I dare not; my cheeks show the marks of the insults I have
+been forced to suffer."
+
+EURIPIDES "Oh! great gods! I cannot speak, for very emotion.... Ah! what
+do I see? Who are you?"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "And you, what is your name? for my surprise is as great as
+yours."
+
+EURIPIDES. "Are you Grecian or born in this country?"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "I am Grecian. But now your name, what is it?"
+
+EURIPIDES. "Oh! how you resemble Helen!"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And you Menelaus, if I can judge by those pot-herbs.[633]
+
+EURIPIDES. "You are not mistaken, 'tis that unfortunate mortal who stands
+before you."
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "Ah! how you have delayed coming to your wife's arms! Press
+me to your heart, throw your arms about me, for I wish to cover you with
+kisses. Carry me away, carry me away, quick, quick, far, very far from
+here."
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. By the goddesses, woe to him who would carry you away! I
+should thrash him with my torch.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Do you propose to prevent me from taking my wife, the
+daughter of Tyndareus, to Sparta?"
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN You seem to me to be a cunning rascal too; you are in
+collusion with this man, and 'twas not for nothing that you kept babbling
+about Egypt. But the hour for punishment has come; here is the magistrate
+come with his archer.
+
+EURIPIDES. This grows awkward. Let me hide myself.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And what is to become of me, poor unfortunate man?
+
+EURIPIDES. Be at ease. I shall never abandon you, as long as I draw
+breath and one of my numberless artifices remains untried.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. The fish has not bitten this time.
+
+THE PRYTANIS. Is this the rascal of whom Clisthenes told us? Why are you
+trying to make yourself so small? Archer, arrest him, fasten him to the
+post, then take up your position there and keep guard over him. Let none
+approach him. A sound lash with your whip for him who attempts to break
+the order.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Excellent, for just now a rogue almost took him from me.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Prytanis, in the name of that hand which you know so well
+how to bend, when money is placed in it, grant me a slight favour before
+I die.
+
+PRYTANIS. What favour?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Order the archer to strip me before lashing me to the post;
+the crows, when they make their meal on the poor old man, would laugh too
+much at this robe and head-dress.
+
+PRYTANIS. 'Tis in that gear that you must be exposed by order of the
+Senate, so that your crime may be patent to the passers-by.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! cursed robe, the cause of all my misfortune! My last
+hope is thus destroyed!
+
+CHORUS. Let us now devote ourselves to the sports which the women are
+accustomed to celebrate here, when time has again brought round the
+mighty Mysteries of the great goddesses, the sacred days which
+Pauson[634] himself honours by fasting and would wish feast to succeed
+feast, that he might keep them all holy. Spring forward with a light
+step, whirling in mazy circles; let your hands interlace, let the eager
+and rapid dancers sway to the music and glance on every side as they
+move. Let the chorus sing likewise and praise the Olympian gods in their
+pious transport.
+
+'Tis wrong to suppose that, because I am a woman and in this Temple, I am
+going to speak ill of men; but since we want something fresh, we are
+going through the rhythmic steps of the round dance for the first time.
+
+Start off while you sing to the god of the lyre and to the chaste goddess
+armed with the bow. Hail! thou god who flingest thy darts so far,[635]
+grant us the victory! The homage of our song is also due to Heré, the
+goddess of marriage, who interests herself in every chorus and guards the
+approach to the nuptial couch. I also pray Hermes, the god of the
+shepherds, and Pan and the beloved Graces to bestow a benevolent smile
+upon our songs.
+
+Let us lead off anew, let us double our zeal during our solemn days, and
+especially let us observe a close fast; let us form fresh measures that
+keep good time, and may our songs resound to the very heavens. Do thou,
+oh divine Bacchus, who art crowned with ivy, direct our chorus; 'tis to
+thee that both my hymns and my dances are dedicated; oh, Evius, oh,
+Bromius,[636] oh, thou son of Semelé, oh, Bacchus, who delightest to
+mingle with the dear choruses of the nymphs upon the mountains, and who
+repeatest, while dancing with them, the sacred hymn, Evius, Evius, Evoe.
+Echo, the nymph of Cithaeron returns thy words, which resound beneath the
+dark vaults of the thick foliage and in the midst of the rocks of the
+forest; the ivy enlaces thy brow with its tendrils charged with flowers.
+
+SCYTHIAN ARCHER.[637] You shall stay here in the open air to wail.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Archer, I adjure you.
+
+SCYTHIAN. 'Tis labour lost.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Loosen the wedge a little.[638]
+
+SCYTHIAN. Aye, certainly.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! by the gods! why, you are driving it in tighter.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Is that enough?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! la, la! oh! la, la! May the plague take you!
+
+SCYTHIAN. Silence! you cursed old wretch! I am going to get a mat to lie
+upon, so as to watch you close at hand at my ease.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Ah! what exquisite pleasures Euripides is securing for me!
+But, oh, ye gods! oh, Zeus the Deliverer, all is not yet lost! I don't
+believe him the man to break his word; I just caught sight of him
+appearing in the form of Perseus, and he told me with a mysterious sign
+to turn myself into Andromeda. And in truth am I not really bound? 'Tis
+certain, then, that he is coming to my rescue; for otherwise he would not
+have steered his flight this way.[639]
+
+EURIPIDES (_as Perseus_). Oh Nymphs, ye virgins who are dear to me, how
+am I to approach him? how can I escape the sight of this Scythian? And
+Echo, thou who reignest in the inmost recesses of the caves, oh! favour
+my cause and permit me to approach my spouse.
+
+MNESILOCHUS (_as Andromeda_).[640] A pitiless ruffian has chained up the
+most unfortunate of mortal maids. Alas! I had barely escaped the filthy
+claws of an old fury, when another mischance overtook me! This Scythian
+does not take his eye off me and he has exposed me as food for the crows.
+Alas! what is to become of me, alone here and without friends! I am not
+seen mingling in the dances nor in the games of my companions, but
+heavily loaded with fetters I am given over to the voracity of a
+Glaucetes.[641] Sing no bridal hymn for me, oh women, but rather the hymn
+of captivity, and in tears. Ah! how I suffer! great gods! how I suffer!
+Alas! alas! and through my own relatives too![642] My misery would make
+Tartarus dissolve into tears! Alas! in my terrible distress, I implore
+the mortal who first shaved me and depilated me, then dressed me in this
+long robe, and then sent me to this Temple into the midst of the women,
+to save me. Oh, thou pitiless Fate! I am then accursed, great gods! Ah!
+who would not be moved at the sight of the appalling tortures under which
+I succumb? Would that the blazing shaft of the lightning would wither...
+this barbarian for me! (_pointing to the Scythian archer_) for the
+immortal light has no further charm for my eyes since I have been
+descending the shortest path to the dead, tied up, strangled, and
+maddened with pain.
+
+EURIPIDES (as _Echo_). Hail! beloved girl. As for your father, Cepheus,
+who has exposed you in this guise, may the gods annihilate him.
+
+MNESILOCHUS (_as Andromeda_). And who are you whom my misfortunes have
+moved to pity?
+
+EURIPIDES. I am Echo, the nymph who repeats all she hears. 'Tis I, who
+last year lent my help to Euripides in this very place.[643] But, my
+child, give yourself up to the sad laments that belong to your pitiful
+condition.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. And you will repeat them?
+
+EURIPIDES. I will not fail you. Begin.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "Oh! thou divine Night! how slowly thy chariot threads its
+way through the starry vault, across the sacred realms of the Air and
+mighty Olympus."
+
+EURIPIDES. Mighty Olympus.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "Why is it necessary that Andromeda should have all the woes
+for her share?"
+
+EURIPIDES. For her share.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. "Sad death!"
+
+EURIPIDES. Sad death!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. You weary me, old babbler.
+
+EURIPIDES. Old babbler.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Oh! you are too unbearable.
+
+EURIPIDES. Unbearable.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Friend, let me talk by myself. Do please let me. Come,
+that's enough.
+
+EURIPIDES. That's enough.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Go and hang yourself!
+
+EURIPIDES. Go and hang yourself!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. What a plague!
+
+EURIPIDES. What a plague!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Cursed brute!
+
+EURIPIDES. Cursed brute!
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Beware of blows!
+
+EURIPIDES. Beware of blows!
+
+SCYTHIAN. Hullo! what are you jabbering about?
+
+EURIPIDES. What are you jabbering about?
+
+SCYTHIAN. I go to call the Prytanes.
+
+EURIPIDES. I go to call the Prytanes.
+
+SCYTHIAN. This is odd!
+
+EURIPIDES. This is odd!
+
+SCYTHIAN. Whence comes this voice?
+
+EURIPIDES. Whence comes this voice.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Ah! beware!
+
+EURIPIDES. Ah! beware!
+
+SCYTHIAN (_to Mnesilochus_). Are you mocking me?
+
+EURIPIDES. Are you mocking me?
+
+MNESILOCHUS. No, 'tis this woman, who stands near you.
+
+EURIPIDES. Who stands near you.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Where is the hussy? Ah! she is escaping! Whither, whither are
+you escaping?
+
+EURIPIDES. Whither, whither are you escaping?
+
+SCYTHIAN. You shall not get away.
+
+EURIPIDES. You shall not get away.
+
+SCYTHIAN. You are chattering still?
+
+EURIPIDES. You are chattering still?
+
+SCYTHIAN. Stop the hussy.
+
+EURIPIDES. Stop the hussy.
+
+SCYTHIAN. What a babbling, cursed woman!
+
+EURIPIDES (_as Perseus_). "Oh! ye gods! to what barbarian land has my
+swift flight taken me? I am Perseus, who cleaves the plains of the air
+with my winged feet, and I am carrying the Gorgon's head to Argos."
+
+SCYTHIAN. What, are you talking about the head of Gorgos,[644] the
+scribe?
+
+EURIPIDES. No, I am speaking of the head of the Gorgon.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Why, yes! of Gorgus!
+
+EURIPIDES. "But what do I behold? A young maiden, beautiful as the
+immortals, chained to this rock like a vessel in port?"
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Take pity on me, oh, stranger! I am so unhappy and
+distraught! Free me from these bonds.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Don't you talk! a curse upon your impudence! you are going to
+die, and yet you will be chattering!
+
+EURIPIDES. "Oh! virgin! I take pity on your chains."
+
+SCYTHIAN. But this is no virgin; 'tis an old rogue, a cheat and a thief.
+
+EURIPIDES. You have lost your wits, Scythian. This is Andromeda, the
+daughter of Cepheus.
+
+SCYTHIAN. But just look at this tool; is that like a woman?
+
+EURIPIDES. Give me your hand, that I may descend near this young maiden.
+Each man has his own particular weakness; as for me I am aflame with love
+for this virgin.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Oh! I'm not jealous; and as he has his back turned this way,
+why, I make no objection to your pedicating him.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Ah! let me release her, and hasten to join her on the bridal
+couch."
+
+SCYTHIAN. If this old man instils you with such ardent concupiscence,
+why, you can bore through the plank, and so get at his behind.
+
+EURIPIDES. No, I will break his bonds.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Beware of my lash!
+
+EURIPIDES. No matter.
+
+SCYTHIAN. This blade shall cut off your head.
+
+EURIPIDES. "Ah! what can be done? what arguments can I use? This savage
+will understand nothing! The newest and most cunning fancies are a dead
+letter to the ignorant. Let us invent some artifice to fit in with his
+coarse nature."
+
+SCYTHIAN. I can see the rascal is trying to outwit me.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. Ah! Perseus! remember in what condition you are leaving me.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Are you wanting to feel my lash again!
+
+CHORUS.
+
+Oh! Pallas, who art fond of dances, hasten hither at my call. Oh! thou
+chaste virgin, the protectress of Athens, I call thee in accordance with
+the sacred rites, thee, whose evident protection we adore and who keepest
+the keys of our city in thy hands. Do thou appear, thou whose just hatred
+has overturned our tyrants. The womenfolk are calling thee; hasten hither
+at their bidding along with Peace, who shall restore the festivals. And
+ye, august goddesses,[645] display a smiling and propitious countenance
+to our gaze; come into your sacred grove, the entry to which is forbidden
+to men; 'tis there in the midst of sacred orgies that we contemplate your
+divine features. Come, appear, we pray it of you, oh, venerable
+Thesmophoriae! If you have ever answered our appeal, oh! come into our
+midst.
+
+EURIPIDES. Women, if you will be reconciled with me, I am willing, and I
+undertake never to say anything ill of you in future. Those are my
+proposals for peace.
+
+CHORUS. And what impels you to make these overtures?
+
+EURIPIDES. This unfortunate man, who is chained to the post, is my
+father-in-law; if you will restore him to me, you will have no more cause
+to complain of me; but if not, I shall reveal your pranks to your
+husbands when they return from the war.
+
+CHORUS. We accept peace, but there is this barbarian whom you must buy
+over.
+
+EURIPIDES. That's my business. (_He returns as an old woman and is
+accompanied by a dancing-girl and a flute-girl._) Come, my little wench,
+bear in mind what I told you on the road and do it well. Come, go past
+him and gird up your robe. And you, you little dear, play us the air of a
+Persian dance.
+
+SCYTHIAN. What is this music that makes me so blithe?
+
+EURIPIDES (_as an old woman_). Scythian, this young girl is going to
+practise some dances, which she has to perform at a feast presently.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Very well! let her dance and practise; I won't hinder her. How
+nimbly she bounds! one might think her a flea on a fleece.
+
+EURIPIDES. Come, my dear, off with your robe and seat yourself on the
+Scythian's knee; stretch forth your feet to me, that I may take off your
+slippers.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Ah! yes, seat yourself, my little girl, ah! yes, to be sure.
+What a firm little bosom! 'tis just like a turnip.
+
+EURIPIDES (_to the flute-girl_). An air on the flute, quick! (_To the
+dancing-girl._) Well! are you still afraid of the Scythian?
+
+SCYTHIAN. What beautiful thighs!
+
+EURIPIDES. Come! keep still, can't you?
+
+SCYTHIAN. 'Tis altogether a very fine morsel to make a man's cock stand.
+
+EURIPIDES. That's so! (_To the dancing-girl._) Resume your dress, it is
+time to be going.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Give me a kiss.
+
+EURIPIDES (_to the dancing-girl_). Come, give him a kiss.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Oh! oh! oh! my goodness, what soft lips! 'tis like Attic honey.
+But might she not stop with me?
+
+EURIPIDES. Impossible, archer; good evening.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Oh! oh! old woman, do me this pleasure.
+
+EURIPIDES. Will you give a drachma?
+
+SCYTHIAN. Aye, that I will.
+
+EURIPIDES. Hand over the money.
+
+SCYTHIAN. I have not got it, but take my quiver in pledge.
+
+EURIPIDES. You will bring her back?
+
+SCYTHIAN. Follow me, my beautiful child. And you, old woman, just keep
+guard over this man. But what is your name?
+
+EURIPIDES. Artemisia. Can you remember that name?
+
+SCYTHIAN. Artemuxia.[646] Good!
+
+EURIPIDES (_aside_). Hermes, god of cunning, receive my thanks!
+everything is turning out for the best. (_To the Scythian._) As for you,
+friend, take away this girl, quick. (_Exit the Scythian with the
+dancing-girl._) Now let me loose his bonds. (_To Mnesilochus._) And you,
+directly I have released you, take to your legs and run off full tilt to
+your home to find your wife and children.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. I shall not fail in that as soon as I am free.
+
+EURIPIDES (_releases Mnesilochus_). There! 'Tis done. Come, fly, before
+the archer lays his hand on you again.
+
+MNESILOCHUS. That's just what I am doing. [_Exit with Euripides._
+
+SCYTHIAN. Ah! old woman! what a charming little girl! Not at all the
+prude, and so obliging! Eh! where is the old woman? Ah! I am undone! And
+the old man, where is he? Hi! old woman! old woman! Ah! but this is a
+dirty trick! Artemuxia! she has tricked me, that's what the little old
+woman has done! Get clean out of my sight, you cursed quiver! (_Picks it
+up and throws it across the stage._) Ha! you are well named quiver, for
+you have made me quiver indeed.[647] Oh! what's to be done? Where is the
+old woman then? Artemuxia!
+
+CHORUS. Are you asking for the old woman who carried the lyre?
+
+SCYTHIAN. Yes, yes; have you seen her?
+
+CHORUS. She has gone that way along with an old man.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Dressed in a long robe?
+
+CHORUS. Yes; run quick, and you will overtake them.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Ah! rascally old woman! Which way has she fled? Artemuxia!
+
+CHORUS. Straight on; follow your nose. But, hi! where are you running to
+now? Come back, you are going exactly the wrong way.
+
+SCYTHIAN. Ye gods! ye gods! and all this while Artemuxia is escaping.
+[_Exit running._
+
+CHORUS. Go your way! and a pleasant journey to you! But our sports have
+lasted long enough; it is time for each of us to be off home; and may the
+two goddesses reward us for our labours!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FINIS OF "THE THESMOPHORIAZUSAE"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Footnotes:
+
+[544] Aristophanes parodies Euripides' language, which is occasionally
+sillily sententious.
+
+[545] He flourished about 420 B.C. and composed many tragedies, such as
+'Telephus,' 'Thyestes,' which are lost. Some fragments of his work are to
+be found in Aristotle and in Athenaeus; he also distinguished himself as
+a musician. The banquet, which gave his name to one of Plato's dialogues,
+is supposed to have taken place at his house.
+
+[546] The Thesmophoria were celebrated in the month of Pyanepsion, or
+November.
+
+[547] The Thesmophoria lasted five days; they were dedicated to Demeter
+Thesmophoros, or Legislatress, in recognition of the wise laws she had
+given mankind. For many days before the solemn event, the women of high
+birth (who alone were entitled to celebrate it) had to abstain from all
+pleasures that appealed to the senses, even the most legitimate, and to
+live with the greatest sobriety. The presiding priest at the Thesmophoria
+was always chosen from the sacerdotal family of the Eumolpidae, the
+descendants of Eumolpus, the son of Posidon. At these feasts, the worship
+of Persephoné was associated with that of Demeter.
+
+[548] Refers presumably to the [Greek: ekkukl_ema], a piece of machinery
+by means of which interiors were represented on the Greek stage--room and
+occupant being in some way wheeled out into view of the spectators
+bodily.
+
+[549] A celebrated 'lady of pleasure'; Agathon is like her by reason of
+his effeminate, wanton looks and dissolute habits.
+
+[550] Demeter is represented wandering, torch in hand, about the universe
+looking for her lost child Proserpine (Persephoné).
+
+[551] Troy.
+
+[552] Agathon, in accordance with his character, voluptuousness, is
+represented as preferring the effeminate music and lascivious dances of
+Asia.
+
+[553] Goddesses who presided over generation; see also the 'Lysistrata.'
+
+[554] A tetralogy, a series of four dramas connected by subject, of which
+the principal character was Lycurgus, king of the Thracians. When Bacchus
+returned to Thrace as conqueror of the Indies he dared to deride the god,
+and was punished by him in consequence. All four plays are lost.
+
+[555] That is, the attributes of a man and those of a woman combined.
+
+[556] That is, you make love in the posture known as 'the horse,'
+_equus_, in other words the woman atop of the man. There is a further
+joke intended here, inasmuch as Euripides, in his 'Phaedra,' represents
+the heroine as being passionately addicted to hunting and horses.
+
+[557] Ibycus, a lyric poet of the sixth century, originally from Rhegium
+in Magna Graecia.--Anacreon, a celebrated erotic poet of the beginning of
+the fifth century.--Alcaeus, a lyric poet, born about 600 B.C. at
+Mytilené, in the island of Lesbos, was driven out of his country by a
+tyrant and sang of his loves, his services as a warrior, his travels and
+the miseries of his exile. He was a contemporary of Sappho, and conceived
+a passion for her, which she only rewarded with disdain.
+
+[558] Phrynichus, a disciple of Thespis, improved the dramatic art, when
+still no more than a child; it was he who first introduced female
+characters upon the stage and made use of the iambic of six feet in
+tragedies. He flourished about 500 B.C.
+
+[559] Philocles, Xenocles, and Theognis were dramatic poets and
+contemporaries of Aristophanes. The two first were sons of Carcinus, the
+poet and dancer.
+
+[560] Fragment of Euripides' 'Aeolus,' a lost drama.
+
+[561] Fragment of Euripides' well-known play, the 'Alcestis.'
+
+[562] An allusion to the secret practices of mutual love which the women
+assembled for the Thesmophoria were credited by popular repute with
+indulging in.
+
+[563] That is, to sanctuary.
+
+[564] An effeminate often mentioned by Aristophanes.
+
+[565] An allusion to the pederastic habits which the poet attributes to
+Agathon.
+
+[566] An obscene allusion.
+
+[567] On the machine upon which he is perched.
+
+[568] A fragment of the 'Menalippé' of Euripides.
+
+[569] The ether played an important part in the physical theories of
+Hippocrates, the celebrated physician.
+
+[570] An allusion to a verse in his 'Hippolytus,' where Euripides says,
+"_The tongue has sworn, but the heart is unsworn._" See also 'The Frogs.'
+
+[571] The name of a slave; being disguised as a woman, Mnesilochus has
+himself followed by a female servant, a Thracian slave-woman.
+
+[572] Demeter and Cora (or Persephoné), who were adored together during
+the Thesmophoria.
+
+[573] Women slaves were forbidden by law to be present at the
+Thesmophoria; they remained at the door of the temple and there waited
+for the orders of their mistresses.
+
+[574] The god of riches.
+
+[575] The nurse of Demeter. According to another version, Calligenia was
+a surname of Demeter herself, who was adored as presiding over the growth
+of a child at its mother's breast.
+
+[576] A surname of Demeter, who, by means of the food she produces as
+goddess of abundance, presides over the development of the bodies of
+children and young people. Curotrophos is derived from [Greek: trephein],
+to nourish, and [Greek: kouros], young boy.
+
+[577] Apollo.
+
+[578] Artemis.
+
+[579] An insult which Aristophanes constantly repeats in every way he
+can; as we have seen before, Euripides' mother was, or was commonly said
+to be, a market-woman.
+
+[580] Lovers sent each other chaplets and flowers.
+
+[581] In parody of a passage in the 'Sthenoboea' of Euripides, which is
+preserved in Athenaeus.
+
+[582] He believes her pregnant.
+
+[583] A fragment from the 'Phoenix,' by Euripides.
+
+[584] It seems that the Spartan locksmiths were famous for their skill.
+
+[585] The women broke the seals their husbands had affixed, and then,
+with the aid of their ring bearing the same device, they replaced them as
+before.
+
+[586] The impression of which was too complicated and therefore could not
+be imitated.
+
+[587] As a remedy against the colic.
+
+[588] So that it might not creak when opened.
+
+[589] An altar in the form of a column in the front vestibule of houses
+and dedicated to Apollo.
+
+[590] Because the smell of garlic is not inviting to gallants.
+
+[591] The last words are the thoughts of the woman, who pretends to be in
+child-bed; she is, however, careful not to utter them to her husband.
+
+[592] The proverb runs, "_There is a scorpion beneath every stone._" By
+substituting _orator_ for _scorpion_, Aristophanes means it to be
+understood that one is no less venomous than the other.
+
+[593] There were two women named Aglaurus. One, the daughter of Actaeus,
+King of Attica, married Cecrops and brought him the kingship as her
+dowry; the other was the daughter of Cecrops, and was turned into stone
+for having interfered from jealousy with Hermes' courtship of Hersé her
+sister. It was this second Aglaurus the Athenian women were in the habit
+of invoking; they often associated with her her sister Pandrosus.
+
+[594] Underneath the baths were large hollow chambers filled with steam
+to maintain the temperature of the water.
+
+[595] By kicking her in the stomach.
+
+[596] Clisthenes is always represented by Aristophanes as effeminate in
+the extreme in dress and habits.
+
+[597] The coward, often mentioned with contempt by Aristophanes, had
+thrown away his shield.
+
+[598] The ancients believed that cress reduced the natural secretions.
+
+[599] A deme of Attica.
+
+[600] The women lodged in pairs during the Thesmophoria in tents erected
+near the Temple of Demeter.
+
+[601] The Corinthians were constantly passing their vessels across the
+isthmus from one sea to the other; we know that the Grecian ships were of
+very small dimensions.
+
+[602] This was the name of the place where the Ecclesia, the public
+meeting of the people, took place; the chorus gives this name here to
+Demeter's temple, because the women are gathered there.
+
+[603] The spaces left free between the tents, and which served as
+passage-ways.
+
+[604] A choric dance began here.
+
+[605] A woman's footgear.--On undressing the supposed child, Mnesilochus
+perceives that it is nothing but a skin of wine.
+
+[606] Dr. P. Menier repeatedly points out in his "La médecine et les
+poètes latins," that the ancient writers constantly spoke of ten months
+as being a woman's period of gestation.
+
+[607] A cotyla contained nearly half a pint.
+
+[608] Both the Feast of Cups and the Dionysia were dedicated to Bacchus,
+the god of wine; it is for this reason that Mnesilochus refers to the
+former when guessing the wine-skin's age.
+
+[609] The Cretan robe that had covered the wine-skin.
+
+[610] An allusion to the tragedy by Euripides called 'Palamedes,' which
+belonged to the tetralogy of the Troades, and was produced in 414 B.C.
+Aristophanes is railing at the strange device which the poet makes Oeax
+resort to. Oeax was Palamedes' brother, and he is represented as
+inscribing the death of the latter on a number of oars with the hope that
+at least one would reach the shores of Euboea and thus inform his father,
+Nauplias, the king of the fact.
+
+[611] The images of the various gods which were invoked at the
+Thesmophoria, and the enumeration of which we have already had.
+
+[612] Charminus, an Athenian general, who had recently been defeated at
+sea by the Spartans.--Nausimaché was a courtesan, but her name is
+purposely chosen because of its derivation ([Greek: naus], ship, and
+[Greek: mach_e], fight), so as to point more strongly to Charminus'
+disgrace.
+
+[613] A general and an Athenian orator.
+
+[614] A courtesan.
+
+[615] Aristomaché ([Greek: mach_e], fight, and [Greek: arist_e],
+excellent) and Stratonicé ([Greek: stratos], army, and [Greek: nik_e],
+victory) are imaginary names, invented to show the decadence of the
+Athenian armies.
+
+[616] Eubulé ([Greek: eu], well, and [Greek: bouleuesthai], to
+deliberate) is also an imaginary name. The poet wishes to say that in
+that year wisdom had not ruled the decisions of the Senate; they had
+allowed themselves to be humbled by the tyranny of the Four Hundred.
+
+[617] The cylinder and the beams were the chief tools of the weaver. It
+was the women who did this work.
+
+[618] The taxiarch had the command of 128 men; the strategus had the
+direction of an army.
+
+[619] The Sthenia were celebrated in honour of Athené Sthenias, or the
+goddess of force; the women were then wont to attack each other with
+bitter sarcasms.--During the Scirophoria ([Greek: skiron], canopy) the
+statues of Athené, Demeter, Persephone, the Sun and Posidon were carried
+in procession under canopies with great pomp.
+
+[620] The trierarchs were rich citizens, whose duty it was to maintain
+the galleys or triremes of the fleet.
+
+[621] Hyperbolus is incessantly railed at by Aristophanes as a traitor
+and an informer. Lamachus, although our poet does not always spare him,
+was a brave general; he had been one of the commanders of the Sicilian
+Expedition.
+
+[622] It will be remembered that Mnesilochus had employed a similar
+device to one imputed to Oeax by Euripides in his 'Palamedes,' in order
+to inform his father-in-law of his predicament.
+
+[623] A tragedy, in which Menelaus is seen in Egypt, whither he has gone
+to seek Helen, who is detained there.
+
+[624] These are the opening verses of Euripides' 'Helen,'  with the
+exception of the last words, which are a parody.--Syrmea is a purgative
+plant very common in Egypt. Aristophanes speaks jestingly of the white
+soil of Egypt, because the slime of the Nile is very black.
+
+[625] This reply and those that follow are fragments from 'Helen.'
+
+[626] An infamous Athenian, whose name had become a byword for everything
+that was vile.
+
+[627] The whole of this dialogue between Mnesilochus and Euripides is
+composed of fragments taken from 'Helen,' slightly parodied at times.
+
+[628] King of Egypt.
+
+[629] Son of Epicles, and mentioned by Thucydides.
+
+[630] Aristophanes invents this in order to give coherence to what
+follows.
+
+[631] An Athenian general whom Thucydides mentions.
+
+[632] A deme of Attica.
+
+[633] No doubt Euripides appeared on the stage carrying some herbs in his
+hand or wearing them in his belt, so as to recall his mother's calling.
+If the gibes of Aristophanes can be believed, she dealt in vegetables, as
+we have noted repeatedly.
+
+[634] A ruined man, living in penury, presumably well known to the
+audience.
+
+[635] Apollo.
+
+[636] Surnames of Bacchus.
+
+[637] The archers, or the police officers, at Athens were mostly
+Scythians. If not from that country always, they were known generally by
+that name.
+
+[638] Which the archer had driven in to tighten up the rope binding the
+prison to the pillory.
+
+[639] Perseus was returning from the land of the Gorgons mounted upon
+Pegasus, when, while high up in the air, he saw Andromeda bound to a rock
+and exposed to the lusts and voracity of a sea monster. Touched by the
+misfortune and the beauty of the princess, he turned the monster to stone
+by showing him the head of Medusa, released Andromeda and married
+her.--Euripides had just produced a tragedy on this subject.
+
+[640] Mnesilochus speaks alternately in his own person and as though he
+were Andromeda, the effect being comical in the extreme.
+
+[641] A notorious glutton, mentioned also in the 'Peace.'
+
+[642] Through Euripides, his father-in-law.
+
+[643] On the occasion of the presentation of the tragedy of 'Andromeda,'
+in which the nymph Echo plays an important part.
+
+[644] Unknown; Aristophanes plays upon the similarity of name.
+
+[645] That is, the Thesmophoriae, viz. Demeter and Persephoné.
+
+[646] Throughout the whole scene the Scythian speaks with a grotesque
+barbarian accent.
+
+[647] The pun depends in the Greek on the similarity of the final
+syllables of [Greek: subin_e], and [Greek: katabin_esi]. It can be given
+literally in English.
+
+
+
+
+THE ECCLESIAZUSAE
+
+or
+
+Women In Council
+
+
+
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+The 'Ecclesiazusae, or Women in Council,' was not produced till twenty
+years after the preceding play, the 'Thesmophoriazusae' (at the Great
+Dionysia of 392 B.C.), but is conveniently classed with it as being also
+largely levelled against the fair sex. "It is a broad, but very amusing,
+satire upon those ideal republics, founded upon communistic principles,
+of which Plato's well-known treatise is the best example. His 'Republic'
+had been written, and probably delivered in the form of oral lectures at
+Athens, only two or three years before, and had no doubt excited a
+considerable sensation. But many of its most startling principles had
+long ago been ventilated in the Schools."
+
+Like the 'Lysistrata,' the play is a picture of woman's ascendancy in the
+State, and the topsy-turvy consequences resulting from such a reversal of
+ordinary conditions. The women of Athens, under the leadership of the
+wise Praxagora, resolve to reform the constitution. To this end they don
+men's clothes, and taking seats in the Assembly on the Pnyx, command a
+majority of votes and carry a series of revolutionary proposals--that the
+government be vested in a committee of women, and further, that property
+and women be henceforth held in common. The main part of the comedy deals
+with the many amusing difficulties that arise inevitably from this new
+state of affairs, the community of women above all necessitating special
+safeguarding clauses to secure the rights of the less attractive members
+of the sex to the service of the younger and handsomer men. Community of
+goods again, private property being abolished, calls for a regulation
+whereby all citizens are to dine at the public expense in the various
+public halls of the city, the particular place of each being determined
+by lot; and the drama winds up with one of these feasts, the elaborate
+menu of which is given in burlesque, and with the jubilations of the
+women over their triumph.
+
+"This comedy appears to labour under the very same faults as the 'Peace.'
+The introduction, the secret assembly of the women, their rehearsal of
+their parts as men, the description of the popular assembly, are all
+handled in the most masterly manner; but towards the middle the action
+stands still. Nothing remains but the representation of the perplexities
+and confusion which arise from the new arrangements, especially in
+connection with the community of women, and from the prescribed equality
+of rights in love both for the old and ugly and for the young and
+beautiful. These perplexities are pleasant enough, but they turn too much
+on a repetition of the same joke."
+
+We learn from the text of the play itself that the 'Ecclesiazusae' was
+drawn by lot for first representation among the comedies offered for
+competition at the Festival, the Author making a special appeal to his
+audience not to let themselves be influenced unfavourably by the
+circumstance; but whether the play was successful in gaining a prize is
+not recorded.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE ECCLESIAZUSAE
+
+or
+
+Women In Council
+
+
+DRAMATIS PERSONAE
+
+PRAXAGORA.
+BLEPYRUS, husband of Praxagora.
+WOMEN.
+A MAN.
+CHREMES.
+TWO CITIZENS.
+HERALD.
+AN OLD MAN.
+A GIRL.
+A YOUNG MAN.
+THREE OLD WOMEN.
+A SERVANT MAID.
+HER MASTER.
+CHORUS OF WOMEN.
+
+SCENE: Before a house in a Public Square at Athens; a lamp is burning
+over the door. Time: a little after midnight.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+THE ECCLESIAZUSAE
+
+or
+
+Women In Council
+
+
+PRAXAGORA (_enters carrying a lamp in her hand_). Oh! thou shining light
+of my earthenware lamp, from this high spot shalt thou look abroad. Oh!
+lamp, I will tell thee thine origin and thy future; 'tis the rapid whirl
+of the potter's wheel that has lent thee thy shape, and thy wick
+counterfeits the glory of the sun;[648] mayst thou send the agreed signal
+flashing afar! In thee alone do we confide, and thou art worthy, for thou
+art near us when we practise the various postures in which Aphrodité
+delights upon our couches, and none dream even in the midst of her sports
+of seeking to avoid thine eye that watches our swaying bodies. Thou alone
+shinest into the depths of our most secret charms, and with thy flame
+dost singe the hairy growth of our privates. If we open some cellar
+stored with fruits and wine, thou art our companion, and never dost thou
+betray or reveal to a neighbour the secrets thou hast learned about us.
+Therefore thou shalt know likewise the whole of the plot that I have
+planned with my friends, the women, at the festival of the
+Scirophoria.[649]
+
+I see none of those I was expecting, though dawn approaches; the Assembly
+is about to gather and we must take our seats in spite of
+Phyromachus,[650] who forsooth would say, "It is meet the women sit apart
+and hidden from the eyes of the men." Why, have they not been able then
+to procure the false beards that they must wear, or to steal their
+husbands cloaks? Ah! I see a light approaching; let us draw somewhat
+aside, for fear it should be a man.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. Let us start, it is high time; as we left our dwellings, the
+cock was crowing for the second time.
+
+PRAXAGORA. And I have spent the whole night waiting for you. But come,
+let us call our neighbour by scratching at her door; and gently too, so
+that her husband may hear nothing.
+
+SECOND WOMAN. I was putting on my shoes, when I heard you scratching, for
+I was not asleep, so there! Oh! my dear, my husband (he is a Salaminian)
+never left me an instant's peace, but was at me, for ever at me, all
+night long, so that it was only just now that I was able to filch his
+cloak.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. I see Clinareté coming too, along with Sostraté and their
+next-door neighbour Philaeneté.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Hurry yourselves then, for Glycé has sworn that the last comer
+shall forfeit three measures of wine and a _choenix_ of pease.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. Don't you see Melisticé, the wife of Smicythion, hurrying
+hither in her great shoes? Methinks she is the only one of us all who has
+had no trouble in getting rid of her husband.
+
+SECOND WOMAN. And can't you see Gusistraté, the tavern-keeper's wife,
+with a lamp in her hand, and the wives of Philodoretus and Chaeretades?
+
+PRAXAGORA. I can see many others too, indeed the whole of the flower of
+Athens.
+
+THIRD WOMAN. Oh! my dear, I have had such trouble in getting away! My
+husband ate such a surfeit of sprats last evening that he was coughing
+and choking the whole night long.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Take your seats, and, since you are all gathered here at last,
+let us see if what we decided on at the feast of the Scirophoria has been
+duly done.
+
+FOURTH WOMAN. Yes. Firstly, as agreed, I have let the hair under my
+armpits grow thicker than a bush; furthermore, whilst my husband was at
+the Assembly, I rubbed myself from head to foot with oil and then stood
+the whole day long in the sun.[651]
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. So did I. I began by throwing away my razor, so that I might
+get quite hairy, and no longer resemble a woman.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Have you the beards that we had all to get ourselves for the
+Assembly?
+
+FOURTH WOMAN. Yea, by Hecaté! Is this not a fine one?
+
+FIFTH WOMAN. Aye, much finer than Epicrates'.[652]
+
+PRAXAGORA (_to the other women_). And you?
+
+FOURTH WOMAN. Yes, yes; look, they all nod assent.
+
+PRAXAGORA. I see that you have got all the rest too, Spartan shoes,
+staffs and men's cloaks, as 'twas arranged.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. I have brought Lamias'[653] club, which I stole from him
+while he slept.
+
+PRAXAGORA. What, the club that makes him puff and pant with its weight?
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. By Zeus the Deliverer, if he had the skin of Argus, he would
+know better than any other how to shepherd the popular herd.
+
+PRAXAGORA. But come, let us finish what has yet to be done, while the
+stars are still shining; the Assembly, at which we mean to be present,
+will open at dawn.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. Good; you must take up your place at the foot of the
+platform and facing the Prytanes.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. I have brought this with me to card during the Assembly.
+(_She shows some wool._)
+
+PRAXAGORA. During the Assembly, wretched woman?
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. Aye, by Artemis! shall I hear any less well if I am doing a
+bit of carding? My little ones are all but naked.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Think of her wanting to card! whereas we must not let anyone
+see the smallest part of our bodies.[654] 'Twould be a fine thing if one
+of us, in the midst of the discussion, rushed on to the speaker's
+platform and, flinging her cloak aside, showed her hairy privates. If, on
+the other hand, we are the first to take our seats closely muffled in our
+cloaks, none will know us. Let us fix these beards on our chins, so that
+they spread all over our bosoms. How can we fail then to be mistaken for
+men? Agyrrhius has deceived everyone, thanks to the beard of
+Pronomus;[655] yet he was no better than a woman, and you see how he now
+holds the first position in the city. Thus, I adjure you by this day that
+is about to dawn, let us dare to copy him and let us be clever enough to
+possess ourselves of the management of affairs. Let us save the vessel of
+State, which just at present none seems able either to sail or row.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. But where shall we find orators in an Assembly of women?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Nothing simpler. Is it not said, that the cleverest speakers
+are those who submit themselves oftenest to men? Well, thanks to the
+gods, we are that by nature.
+
+SIXTH WOMAN. There's no doubt of that; but the worst of it is our
+inexperience.
+
+PRAXAGORA. That's the very reason we are gathered here, in order to
+prepare the speech we must make in the Assembly. Hasten, therefore, all
+you who know aught of speaking, to fix on your beards.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Oh! you great fool! is there ever a one among us cannot
+use her tongue?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Come, look sharp, on with your beard and become a man. As for
+me, I will do the same in case I should have a fancy for getting on to
+the platform. Here are the chaplets.
+
+SECOND WOMAN. Oh! great gods! my dear Praxagora, do look here! Is it not
+laughable?
+
+PRAXAGORA. How laughable?
+
+SECOND WOMAN. Our beards look like broiled cuttle-fishes.
+
+PRAXAGORA. The priest is bringing in--the cat.[656] Make ready, make
+ready! Silence, Ariphrades![657] Go and take your seat. Now, who wishes
+to speak?
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. I do.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Then put on this chaplet[658] and success be with you.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. There, 'tis done!
+
+PRAXAGORA. Well then! begin.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Before drinking?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Hah! she wants to drink![659]
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Why, what else is the meaning of this chaplet?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Get you hence! you would probably have played us this trick
+also before the people.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Well! don't the men drink then in the Assembly?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Now she's telling us the men drink!
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Aye, by Artemis, and neat wine too. That's why their
+decrees breathe of drunkenness and madness. And why libations, why so
+many ceremonies, if wine plays no part in them? Besides, they abuse each
+other like drunken men, and you can see the archers dragging more than
+one uproarious drunkard out of the Agora.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Go back to your seat, you are wandering.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Ah! I should have done better not to have muffled myself
+in this beard; my throat's afire and I feel I shall die of thirst.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Who else wishes to speak?
+
+EIGHTH WOMAN. I do.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Quick then, take the chaplet, for time's running short. Try to
+speak worthily, let your language be truly manly, and lean on your staff
+with dignity.
+
+EIGHTH WOMAN. I had rather have seen one of your regular orators giving
+you wise advice; but, as that is not to be, it behoves me to break
+silence; I cannot, for my part indeed, allow the tavern-keepers to fill
+up their wine-pits with water.[660] No, by the two goddesses....
+
+PRAXAGORA. What? by the two goddesses![661] Wretched woman, where are
+your senses?
+
+EIGHTH WOMAN. Eh! what?... I have not asked you for a drink!
+
+PRAXAGORA. No, but you want to pass for a man, and you swear by the two
+goddesses. Otherwise 'twas very well.
+
+EIGHTH WOMAN. Well then. By Apollo....
+
+PRAXAGORA. Stop! All these details of language must be adjusted; else it
+is quite useless to go to the Assembly.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. Pass me the chaplet; I wish to speak again, for I think I
+have got hold of something good. You women who are listening to me....
+
+PRAXAGORA. Women again; why, wretched creature, 'tis men that you are
+addressing.
+
+SEVENTH WOMAN. 'Tis the fault of Epigonus;[662] I caught sight of him
+over yonder, and I thought I was speaking to women.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Come, withdraw and remain seated in future. I am going to take
+this chaplet myself and speak in your name. May the gods grant success to
+my plans!
+
+My country is as dear to me as it is to you, and I groan, I am grieved at
+all that is happening in it. Scarcely one in ten of those who rule it is
+honest, and all the others are bad. If you appoint fresh chiefs, they
+will do still worse. It is hard to correct your peevish humour; you fear
+those who love you and throw yourselves at the feet of those who betray
+you. There was a time when we had no assemblies, and then we all thought
+Agyrrhius a dishonest man;[663] now they are established, he who gets
+money thinks everything is as it should be, and he who does not, declares
+all who sell their votes to be worthy of death.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. By Aphrodité, that is well spoken.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Why, wretched woman, you have actually called upon Aphrodité.
+Oh! what a fine thing 'twould have been had you said that in the
+Assembly!
+
+FIRST WOMAN. I should never have done that!
+
+PRAXAGORA. Well, mind you don't fall into the habit.--When we were
+discussing the alliance,[664] it seemed as though it were all over with
+Athens if it fell through. No sooner was it made than we were vexed and
+angry, and the orator who had caused its adoption was compelled to seek
+safety in flight.[665] Is there talk of equipping a fleet? The poor man
+says, yes, but the rich citizen and the countryman say, no. You were
+angered against the Corinthians and they with you; now they are well
+disposed towards you, be so towards them. As a rule the Argives are dull,
+but the Argive Hieronymus[666] is a distinguished chief. Herein lies a
+spark of hope; but Thrasybulus is far from Athens[667] and you do not
+recall him.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. Oh! what a brilliant man!
+
+PRAXAGORA. That's better! that's fitting applause.--Citizens, 'tis you
+who are the cause of all this trouble. You vote yourselves salaries out
+of the public funds and care only for your own personal interests; hence
+the State limps along like Aesimus.[668] But if you hearken to me, you
+will be saved. I assert that the direction of affairs must be handed over
+to the women, for 'tis they who have charge and look after our
+households.
+
+SECOND WOMAN. Very good, very good, 'tis perfect! Say on, say on.
+
+PRAXAGORA. They are worth more than you are, as I shall prove. First of
+all they wash all their wool in warm water, according to the ancient
+practice; you will never see them changing their method. Ah! if Athens
+only acted thus, if it did not take delight in ceaseless innovations,
+would not its happiness be assured? Then the women sit down to cook, as
+they always did; they carry things on their head as was their wont; they
+keep the Thesmophoria, as they have ever done; they knead their cakes
+just as they used to; they make their husbands angry as they have always
+done; they receive their lovers in their houses as was their constant
+custom; they buy dainties as they always did; they love unmixed wine as
+well as ever; they delight in being loved just as much as they always
+have. Let us therefore hand Athens over to them without endless
+discussions, without bothering ourselves about what they will do; let us
+simply hand them over the power, remembering that they are mothers and
+will therefore spare the blood of our soldiers; besides, who will know
+better than a mother how to forward provisions to the front? Woman is
+adept at getting money for herself and will not easily let herself be
+deceived; she understands deceit too well herself. I omit a thousand
+other advantages. Take my advice and you will live in perfect happiness.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. How beautiful this is, my dearest Praxagora, how clever! But
+where, pray, did you learn all these pretty things?
+
+PRAXAGORA. When the countryfolk were seeking refuge in the city,[669] I
+lived on the Pnyx with my husband, and there I learnt to speak through
+listening to the orators.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. Then, dear, 'tis not astonishing that you are so eloquent
+and clever; henceforward you shall be our leader, so put your great ideas
+into execution. But if Cephalus[670] belches forth insults against you,
+what answer will you give him in the Assembly?
+
+PRAXAGORA. I shall say that he drivels.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. But all the world knows that.
+
+PRAXAGORA. I shall furthermore say that he is a raving madman.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. There's nobody who does not know it.
+
+PRAXAGORA. That he, as excellent a statesman as he is, is a clumsy
+tinker.[671]
+
+FIRST WOMAN. And if the blear-eyed Neoclides[672] comes to insult you?
+
+PRAXAGORA. To him I shall say, "Go and look at a dog's backside".[673]
+
+FIRST WOMAN. And if they fly at you?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Oh! I shall shake them off as best I can; never fear, I know
+how to use this tool.[674]
+
+FIRST WOMAN. But there is one thing we don't think of. If the archers
+drag you away, what will you do?
+
+PRAXAGORA. With my arms akimbo like this, I will never, never let myself
+be taken round the middle.
+
+FIRST WOMAN. If they seize you, we will bid them let you go.
+
+SECOND WOMAN. That's the best way. But how are we going to lift up our
+arm[675] in the Assembly, we, who only know how to lift our legs in the
+act of love?
+
+PRAXAGORA. 'Tis difficult; yet it must be done, and the arm shown naked
+to the shoulder in order to vote. Quick now, put on these tunics and
+these Laconian shoes, as you see the men do each time they go to the
+Assembly or for a walk. Then this done, fix on your beards, and when they
+are arranged in the best way possible, dress yourselves in the cloaks you
+have abstracted from your husbands; finally start off leaning on your
+staffs and singing some old man's song as the villagers do.
+
+SECOND WOMAN. Well spoken; and let us hurry to get to the Pnyx before the
+women from the country, for they will no doubt not fail to come there.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Quick, quick, for 'tis all the custom that those who are not
+at the Pnyx early in the morning, return home empty-handed.
+
+CHORUS. Move forward, citizens, move forward; let us not forget to give
+ourselves this name and may that of _woman_ never slip out of our mouths;
+woe to us, if it were discovered that we had laid such a plot in the
+darkness of night. Let us go to the Assembly then, fellow-citizens; for
+the Thesmothetae have declared that only those who arrive at daybreak
+with haggard eye and covered with dust, without having snatched time to
+eat anything but a snack of garlic-pickle, shall alone receive the
+triobolus. Walk up smartly, Charitimides,[676] Smicythus and Draces, and
+do not fail in any point of your part; let us first demand our fee and
+then vote for all that may perchance be useful for our partisans.... Ah!
+what am I saying? I meant to say, for our fellow-citizens. Let us drive
+away these men of the city,[677] who used to stay at home and chatter
+round the table in the days when only an obolus was paid, whereas now one
+is stifled by the crowds at the Pnyx.[678] No! during the Archonship of
+generous Myronides,[679] none would have dared to let himself be paid for
+the trouble he spent over public business; each one brought his own meal
+of bread, a couple of onions, three olives and some wine in a little
+wine-skin. But nowadays we run here to earn the three obols, for the
+citizen has become as mercenary as the stonemason. (_The Chorus marches
+away._)
+
+BLEPYRUS (_husband of Praxagora_). What does this mean? My wife has
+vanished! it is nearly daybreak and she does not return! Wanting to
+relieve myself, lo! I awake and hunt in the darkness for my shoes and my
+cloak; but grope where I will, I cannot find them. Meanwhile my need grew
+each moment more urgent and I had only just time to seize my wife's
+little mantle and her Persian slippers. But where shall I find a spot
+suitable for my purpose. Bah! One place is as good as another at
+night-time, for no one will see me. Ah! what fatal folly 'twas to take a
+wife at my age, and how I could thrash myself for having acted so
+foolishly! 'Tis a certainty she's not gone out for any honest purpose.
+However, that's not our present business.
+
+A MAN. Who's there? Is that not my neighbour Blepyrus? Why, yes, 'tis
+himself and no other. Tell me, what's all that yellow about you? Can it
+be Cinesias[680] who has befouled you so?
+
+BLEPYRUS. No, no, I only slipped on my wife's tunic[681] to come out in.
+
+MAN. And where is your cloak?
+
+BLEPYRUS. I cannot tell you, for I hunted for it vainly on the bed.
+
+MAN. And why did you not ask your wife for it?
+
+BLEPYRUS. Ah! why indeed! because she is not in the house; she has run
+away, and I greatly fear that she may be doing me an ill turn.
+
+MAN. But, by Posidon, 'tis the same with myself. My wife has disappeared
+with my cloak, and what is still worse, with my shoes as well, for I
+cannot find them anywhere.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Nor can I my Laconian shoes; but as I had urgent need, I popped
+my feet into these slippers, so as not to soil my blanket, which is quite
+new.
+
+MAN. What does it mean? Can some friend have invited her to a feast?
+
+BLEPYRUS. I expect so, for she does not generally misconduct herself, as
+far as I know.
+
+MAN. Come, I say, you seem to be making ropes. Are you never going to be
+done? As for myself, I would like to go to the Assembly, and it is time
+to start, but the thing is to find my cloak, for I have only one.
+
+BLEPYRUS. I am going to have a look too, when I have done; but I really
+think there must be a wild pear obstructing my rectum.
+
+MAN. Is it the one which Thrasybulus spoke about to the
+Lacedaemonians?[682]
+
+BLEPYRUS. Oh! oh! oh! how the obstruction holds! Whatever am I to do?
+'Tis not merely for the present that I am frightened; but when I have
+eaten, where is it to find an outlet now? This cursed Achradusian
+fellow[683] has bolted the door. Let a doctor be fetched; but which is
+the cleverest in this branch of the science? Amynon?[684] Perhaps he
+would not come. Ah! Antithenes![685] Let him be brought to me, cost what
+it will. To judge by his noisy sighs, that man knows what a rump wants,
+when in urgent need. Oh! venerated Ilithyia![686] I shall burst unless
+the door gives way. Have pity! pity! Let me not become the night-stool of
+the comic poets.[687]
+
+CHREMES. Hi! friend, what are you after there? Easing yourself!
+
+BLEPYRUS. Oh! there! it is over and I can get up again at last.
+
+CHREMES. What's this? You have your wife's tunic on.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Aye, 'twas the first thing that came to my hand in the
+darkness. But where do you hail from?
+
+CHREMES. From the Assembly.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Is it already over then?
+
+CHREMES. Certainly.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Why, it is scarcely daylight.
+
+CHREMES. I did laugh, ye gods, at the vermilion rope-marks that were to
+be seen all about the Assembly.[688]
+
+BLEPYRUS. Did you get the triobolus?
+
+CHREMES. Would it had so pleased the gods! but I arrived just too late,
+and am quite ashamed of it; I bring back nothing but this empty wallet.
+
+BLEPYRUS. But why is that?
+
+CHREMES. There was a crowd, such as has never been seen at the Pnyx, and
+the folk looked pale and wan, like so many shoemakers, so white were they
+in hue; both I and many another had to go without the triobolus.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Then if I went now, I should get nothing.
+
+CHREMES. No, certainly not, nor even had you gone at the second
+cock-crow.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Oh! what a misfortune! Oh, Antilochus![689] no triobolus! Even
+death would be better! I am undone! But what can have attracted such a
+crowd at that early hour?
+
+CHREMES. The Prytanes started the discussion of measures nearly
+concerning the safety of the State; immediately, that blear-eyed fellow,
+the son of Neoclides,[690] was the first to mount the platform. Then the
+folk shouted with their loudest voice, "What! he dares to speak, and
+that, too, when the safety of the State is concerned, and he a man who
+has not known how to save even his own eyebrows!" He, however, shouted
+louder than they all, and looking at them asked, "Why, what ought I to
+have done?"
+
+BLEPYRUS. Pound together garlic and laserpitium juice, add to this
+mixture some Laconian spurge, and rub it well into the eyelids at night.
+That's what I should have answered, had I been there.
+
+CHREMES. After him that clever rascal Evaeon[691] began to speak; he was
+naked, so far as we all could see, but he declared he had a cloak; he
+propounded the most popular, the most democratic, doctrines. "You see,"
+he said, "I have the greatest need of sixteen drachmae, the cost of a new
+cloak, my health demands it; nevertheless I wish first to care for that
+of my fellow-citizens and of my country. If the fullers were to supply
+tunics to the indigent at the approach of winter, none would be exposed
+to pleurisy. Let him who has neither beds nor coverlets go to sleep at
+the tanners' after taking a bath; and if they shut the door in winter,
+let them be condemned to give him three goat-skins."
+
+BLEPYRUS. By Dionysus, a fine, a very fine notion! Not a soul will vote
+against his proposal, especially if he adds that the flour-sellers must
+supply the poor with three measures of corn, or else suffer the severest
+penalties of the law; 'tis only in this way that Nausicydes[692] can be
+of any use to us.
+
+CHREMES. Then we saw a handsome young man rush into the tribune, he was
+all pink and white like young Nicias,[693] and he began to say that the
+direction of matters should be entrusted to the women; this the crowd of
+shoemakers[694] began applauding with all their might, while the
+country-folk assailed him with groans.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And, 'faith, they did well.
+
+CHREMES. But they were outnumbered, and the orator shouted louder than
+they, saying much good of the women and much ill of you.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And what did he say?
+
+CHREMES. First he said you were a rogue...
+
+BLEPYRUS. And you?
+
+CHREMES. Let me speak ... and a thief....
+
+BLEPYRUS. I alone?
+
+CHREMES. And an informer.
+
+BLEPYRUS. I alone?
+
+CHREMES. Why, no, by the gods! all of us.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And who avers the contrary?
+
+CHREMES. He maintained that women were both clever and thrifty, that they
+never divulged the Mysteries of Demeter, while you and I go about
+babbling incessantly about whatever happens at the Senate.
+
+BLEPYRUS. By Hermes, he was not lying!
+
+CHREMES. Then he added, that the women lend each other clothes, trinkets
+of gold and silver, drinking-cups, and not before witnesses too, but all
+by themselves, and that they return everything with exactitude without
+ever cheating each other; whereas, according to him, we are ever ready to
+deny the loans we have effected.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Aye, by Posidon, and in spite of witnesses.
+
+CHREMES. Again, he said that women were not informers, nor did they bring
+lawsuits, nor hatch conspiracies; in short, he praised the women in every
+possible manner.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And what was decided?
+
+CHREMES. To confide the direction of affairs to them; 'tis the one and
+only innovation that has not yet been tried at Athens.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And it was voted?
+
+CHREMES. Yes.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And everything that used to be the men's concern has been given
+over to the women?
+
+CHREMES. You express it exactly.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Thus 'twill be my wife who will go to the Courts now in my
+stead.
+
+CHREMES. And it will be she who will keep your children in your place.
+
+BLEPYRUS. I shall no longer have to tire myself out with work from
+daybreak onwards?
+
+CHREMES. No, 'twill be the women's business, and you can stop at home and
+take your ease.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Well, what I fear for us fellows now is, that, holding the
+reins of government, they will forcibly compel us ...
+
+CHREMES. To do what?
+
+BLEPYRUS. ... to work them.
+
+CHREMES. And if we are not able?
+
+BLEPYRUS. They will give us no dinner.
+
+CHREMES. Well then, do your duty; dinner and love form a double
+enjoyment.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Ah! but I hate compulsion.
+
+CHREMES. But if it be for the public weal, let us resign ourselves. 'Tis
+an old saying, that our absurdest and maddest decrees always somehow turn
+out for our good. May it be so in this case, oh gods, oh venerable
+Pallas! But I must be off; so, good-bye to you!
+
+BLEPYRUS. Good-bye, Chremes.
+
+CHORUS. March along, go forward. Is there some man following us? Turn
+round, examine everywhere and keep a good look-out; be on your guard
+against every trick, for they might spy on us from behind. Let us make as
+much noise as possible as we tramp. It would be a disgrace for all of us
+if we allowed ourselves to be caught in this deed by the men. Come, wrap
+yourselves up well, and search both right and left, so that no mischance
+may happen to us. Let us hasten our steps; here we are close to the
+meeting-place, whence we started for the Assembly, and here is the house
+of our leader, the author of this bold scheme, which is now decreed by
+all the citizens. Let us not lose a moment in taking off our false
+beards, for we might be recognized and denounced. Let us stand under the
+shadow of this wall; let us glance round sharply with our eye to beware
+of surprises, while we quickly resume our ordinary dress. Ah! here is our
+leader, returning from the Assembly. Hasten to relieve your chins of
+these flowing manes. Look at your comrades yonder; they have already made
+themselves women again some while ago.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Friends, success has crowned our plans. But off with these
+cloaks and these boots quick, before any man sees you; unbuckle the
+Laconian straps and get rid of your staffs; and do you help them with
+their toilet. As for myself, I am going to slip quietly into the house
+and replace my husband's cloak and other gear where I took them from,
+before he can suspect anything.
+
+CHORUS. There! 'tis done according to your bidding. Now tell us how we
+can be of service to you, so that we may show you our obedience, for we
+have never seen a cleverer woman than you.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Wait! I only wish to use the power given me in accordance with
+your wishes; for, in the market-place, in the midst of the shouts and
+danger, I appreciated your indomitable courage.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Eh, Praxagora! where do you come from?
+
+PRAXAGORA. How does that concern you, friend?
+
+BLEPYRUS. Why, greatly! what a silly question!
+
+PRAXAGORA. You don't think I have come from a lover's?
+
+BLEPYRUS. No, perhaps not from only one.
+
+PRAXAGORA. You can make yourself sure of that.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And how?
+
+PRAXAGORA. You can see whether my hair smells of perfume.
+
+BLEPYRUS. What? cannot a woman possibly be loved without perfume, eh!
+
+PRAXAGORA. The gods forfend, as far as I am concerned.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Why did you go off at early dawn with my cloak?
+
+PRAXAGORA. A companion, a friend who was in labour, had sent to fetch me.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Could you not have told me?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Oh, my dear, would you have me caring nothing for a poor woman
+in that plight?
+
+BLEPYRUS. A word would have been enough. There's something behind all
+this.
+
+PRAXAGORA. No, I call the goddesses to witness! I went running off; the
+poor woman who summoned me begged me to come, whatever might betide.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And why did you not take your mantle? Instead of that, you
+carry off mine, you throw your dress upon the bed and you leave me as the
+dead are left, bar the chaplets and perfumes.
+
+PRAXAGORA. 'Twas cold, and I am frail and delicate; I took your cloak for
+greater warmth, leaving you thoroughly warm yourself beneath your
+coverlets.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And my shoes and staff, those too went off with you?
+
+PRAXAGORA. I was afraid they might rob me of the cloak, and so, to look
+like a man, I put on your shoes and walked with a heavy tread and struck
+the stones with your staff.
+
+BLEPYRUS. D'you know you have made us lose a _sextary_ of wheat, which I
+should have bought with the _triobolus_ of the Assembly?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Be comforted, for she had a boy.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Who? the Assembly?
+
+PRAXAGORA. No, no, the woman I helped. But has the Assembly taken place
+then?
+
+BLEPYRUS. Did I not tell you of it yesterday?
+
+PRAXAGORA. True; I remember now.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And don't you know the decrees that have been voted?
+
+PRAXAGORA. No indeed.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Go to! you can eat cuttle-fish[695] now, for 'tis said the
+government is handed over to you.
+
+PRAXAGORA. To do what--to spin?
+
+BLEPYRUS. No, that you may rule ...
+
+PRAXAGORA. What?
+
+BLEPYRUS. ... over all public business.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Oh! by Aphrodité! how happy Athens will be!
+
+BLEPYRUS. Why so?
+
+PRAXAGORA. For a thousand reasons. None will dare now to do shameless
+deeds, to give false testimony or lay informations.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Stop! in the name of the gods! Do you want me to die of hunger?
+
+CHORUS. Good sir, let your wife speak.
+
+PRAXAGORA. There will be no more thieves, nor envious people, no more
+rags nor misery, no more abuse and no more prosecutions and lawsuits.
+
+BLEPYRUS. By Posidon! 'tis grand, if true.
+
+PRAXAGORA. The results will prove it; you will confess it, and even these
+good people (_pointing to the spectators_) will not be able to say a
+word.
+
+CHORUS. You have served your friends, but now it behoves you to apply
+your ability and your care to the welfare of the people. Devote the
+fecundity of your mind to the public weal; adorn the citizens' lives with
+a thousand enjoyments and teach them to seize every favourable
+opportunity. Devise some ingenious method to secure the much-needed
+salvation of Athens; but let neither your acts nor your words recall
+anything of the past, for 'tis only innovations that please. Don't delay
+the realization of your plans, for speedy execution is greatly esteemed
+by the public.
+
+PRAXAGORA. I believe my ideas are good, but what I fear is, that the
+public will cling to the old customs and refuse to accept my reforms.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Have no fear about that. Love of novelty and disdain for the
+past, these are the dominating principles among us.
+
+PRAXAGORA. Let none contradict nor interrupt me until I have explained my
+plan. I want all to have a share of everything and all property to be in
+common; there will no longer be either rich or poor; no longer shall we
+see one man harvesting vast tracts of land, while another has not ground
+enough to be buried in, nor one man surround himself with a whole army of
+slaves, while another has not a single attendant; I intend that there
+shall only be one and the same condition of life for all.
+
+BLEPYRUS. But how do you mean for all?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Go and eat your excrements![696]
+
+BLEPYRUS. Come, share and share alike!
+
+PRAXAGORA. No, no, but you shall not interrupt me. This is what I was
+going to say: I shall begin by making land, money, everything that is
+private property, common to all. Then we shall live on this common
+wealth, which we shall take care to administer with wise thrift.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And how about the man who has no land, but only gold and silver
+coins, that cannot be seen?
+
+PRAXAGORA. He must bring them to the common stock, and if he fails he
+will be a perjured man.
+
+BLEPYRUS. That won't worry him much, for has he not gained them by
+perjury?
+
+PRAXAGORA. But his riches will no longer be of any use to him.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Why?
+
+PRAXAGORA. The poor will no longer be obliged to work; each will have all
+that he needs, bread, salt fish, cakes, tunics, wine, chaplets and
+chick-pease; of what advantage will it be to him not to contribute his
+share to the common wealth? What do you think of it?
+
+BLEPYRUS. But is it not the folk who rob most that have all these things?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Yes, formerly, under the old order of things; but now that all
+goods are in common, what will he gain by not bringing his wealth into
+the general stock?
+
+BLEPYRUS. If someone saw a pretty wench and wished to satisfy his fancy
+for her, he would take some of his reserve store to make her a present
+and stay the night with her; this would not prevent him claiming his
+share of the common property.
+
+PRAXAGORA. But he can sleep with her for nothing; I intend that women
+shall belong to all men in common, and each shall beget children by any
+man that wishes to have her.
+
+BLEPYRUS. But all will go to the prettiest woman and beseech her to go
+with him.
+
+PRAXAGORA. The ugliest and the most flat-nosed will be side by side with
+the most charming, and to win the latter's favours, a man will first have
+to get into the former.
+
+BLEPYRUS. But we old men, shall we have penis enough if we have to
+satisfy the ugly first?
+
+PRAXAGORA. They will make no resistance.
+
+BLEPYRUS. To what?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Never fear; they will make no resistance.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Resistance to what?
+
+PRAXAGORA. To the pleasure of the thing. 'Tis thus that matters will be
+ordered for you.
+
+BLEPYRUS. 'Tis right well conceived for you women, for every wench's hole
+will be occupied; but as regards us poor men, you will leave those who
+are ugly to run after the handsome fellows.
+
+PRAXAGORA. The ugly will follow the handsomest into the public places
+after supper and see to it that the law, which forbids the women to sleep
+with the big, handsome men before having satisfied the ugly shrimps, is
+complied with.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Thus ugly Lysicrates' nose will be as proud as the handsomest
+face?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Yes, by Apollo! this is a truly popular decree, and what a
+set-back 'twill be for one of those elegants with their fingers loaded
+with rings, when a man with heavy shoes says to him, "Give way to me and
+wait till I have done; you will pass in after me."
+
+BLEPYRUS. But if we live in this fashion, how will each one know his
+children?
+
+PRAXAGORA. The youngest will look upon the oldest as their fathers.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Ah! how heartily they will strangle all the old men, since even
+now, when each one knows his father, they make no bones about strangling
+him! then, my word! won't they just scorn and shit upon the old folks!
+
+PRAXAGORA. But those around will prevent it. Hitherto, when anyone saw an
+old man beaten, he would not meddle, because it did not concern him; but
+now each will fear the sufferer may be his own father and such violence
+will be stopped.
+
+BLEPYRUS. What you say is not so silly after all; but 'twould be highly
+unpleasant were Epicurus and Leucolophas to come up and call me father.
+
+PRAXAGORA. But 'twould be far worse, were ...
+
+BLEPYRUS. Were what?
+
+PRAXAGORA. ... Aristyllus to embrace you and style you his father.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Ah! let him look to himself if he dares!
+
+PRAXAGORA. For you would smell vilely of mint if he kissed you. But he
+was born before the decree was carried, so that you have not to fear his
+kiss.
+
+BLEPYRUS. 'Twould be awful. But who will do the work?
+
+PRAXAGORA. The slaves. Your only cares will be to scent yourself, and to
+go and dine, when the shadow of the gnomon is ten feet long on the dial.
+
+BLEPYRUS. But how shall we obtain clothing? Tell me that!
+
+PRAXAGORA. You will first wear out those you have, and then we women will
+weave you others.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Now another point: if the magistrates condemn a citizen to the
+payment of a fine, how is he going to do it? Out of the public funds?
+That would not be right surely.
+
+PRAXAGORA. But there will be no more lawsuits.
+
+BLEPYRUS. What a disaster for many people!
+
+PRAXAGORA. I have decreed it. Besides, friend, why should there be
+lawsuits?
+
+BLEPYRUS. Oh! for a thousand reasons, on my faith! Firstly, because a
+debtor denies his obligation.
+
+PRAXAGORA. But where will the lender get the money to lend, if all is in
+common? unless he steals it out of the treasury?
+
+BLEPYRUS. That's true, by Demeter! But then again, tell me this; here are
+some men who are returning from a feast and are drunk and they strike
+some passer-by; how are they going to pay the fine? Ah! you are puzzled
+now!
+
+PRAXAGORA. They will have to take it out of their pittance; and being
+thus punished through their belly, they will not care to begin again.
+
+BLEPYRUS. There will be no more thieves then, eh?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Why steal, if you have a share of everything?
+
+BLEPYRUS. People will not be robbed any more at night?
+
+PRAXAGORA. No, whether you sleep at home or in the street, there will be
+no more danger, for all will have the means of living. Besides, if anyone
+wanted to steal your cloak, you would give it him yourself. Why not? You
+will only have to go to the common store and be given a better one.
+
+BLEPYRUS. There will be no more playing at dice?
+
+PRAXAGORA. What object will there be in playing?
+
+BLEPYRUS. But what kind of life is it you propose to set up?
+
+PRAXAGORA. The life in common. Athens will become nothing more than a
+single house, in which everything will belong to everyone; so that
+everybody will be able to go from one house to the other at pleasure.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And where will the meals be served?
+
+PRAXAGORA. The law-courts and the porticoes will be turned into
+dining-halls.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And what will the speaker's platform be used for?
+
+PRAXAGORA. I shall place the bowls and the ewers there; and young
+children will sing the glory of the brave from there, also the infamy of
+cowards, who out of very shame will no longer dare to come to the public
+meals.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Well thought of, by Apollo! And what will you do with the urns?
+
+PRAXAGORA. I shall have them taken to the market-place, and standing
+close to the statue of Harmodius,[697] I shall draw a lot for each
+citizen, which by its letter will show the place where he must go to
+dine.[698] Thus, those for whom I have drawn a Beta, will go to the royal
+portico;[699] if 'tis a Theta, they will go to the portico of
+Theseus;[700] if 'tis a Kappa, to that of the flour-market.[701]
+
+BLEPYRUS. To cram[702] himself there like a capon?
+
+PRAXAGORA. No, to dine there.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And the citizen whom the lot has not given a letter showing
+where he is to dine will be driven off by everyone?
+
+PRAXAGORA. But that will not occur. Each man will have plenty; he will
+not leave the feast until he is well drunk, and then with a chaplet on
+his head and a torch in his hand; and then the women running to meet you
+in the cross-roads will say, "This way, come to our house, you will find
+a beautiful young girl there."--"And I," another will call from her
+balcony, "have one so pretty and as white as milk; but before touching
+her, you must sleep with me." And the ugly men, watching closely after
+the handsome fellows, will say, "Hi! friend, where are you running to? Go
+in, but you must do nothing, for 'tis the ugly and the flat-nosed to whom
+the law gives the first right of admission; amuse yourself in the porch
+while you wait, in handling your fig-leaves and playing with your tool."
+Well, tell me, does that picture suit you?
+
+BLEPYRUS. Marvellously well.
+
+PRAXAGORA. I must now go to the market-place to receive the property that
+is going to be placed in common and to choose a woman with a loud voice
+as my herald. I have all the cares of State on my shoulders, since the
+power has been entrusted to me. I must likewise go to busy myself about
+establishing the common meals, and you will attend your first banquet
+to-day.
+
+BLEPYRUS. Are we going to banquet?
+
+PRAXAGORA. Why, undoubtedly! Furthermore, I propose abolishing the
+courtesans.
+
+BLEPYRUS. And what for?
+
+PRAXAGORA. 'Tis clear enough why; so that, instead of them, _we_ may have
+the first-fruits of the young men. It is not meet that tricked-out slaves
+should rob free-born women of their pleasures. Let the courtesans be free
+to sleep with the slaves and to depilate their privates for them.
+
+BLEPYRUS. I will march at your side, so that I may be seen and that
+everyone may say, "Admire our leader's husband!" [_Exeunt Blepyrus and
+Praxagora._
+
+    [_The Chorus which followed this scene is lost._]
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Come, let us collect and examine all my belongings before
+taking them to the market-place. Come hither, my beautiful sieve, I have
+nothing more precious than you, come, all clotted with the flour of which
+I have poured so many sacks through you; you shall act the part of
+Canephoros[703] in the procession of my chattels. Where is the sunshade
+carrier?[704] Ah! this stew-pot shall take his place. Great gods, how
+black it is! it could not be more so if Lysicrates[705] had boiled the
+drugs in it with which he dyes his hair. Hither, my beautiful mirror. And
+you, my tripod, bear this urn for me; you shall be the waterbearer;[706]
+and you, cock, whose morning song has so often roused me in the middle of
+the night to send me hurrying to the Assembly, you shall be my
+flute-girl. Scaphephoros,[707] do you take the large basin, place in it
+the honeycombs and twine the olive-branches over them, bring the tripods
+and the phial of perfume; as for the humble crowd of little pots, I will
+just leave them behind.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. What folly to carry one's goods to the common store; I
+have a little more sense than that. No, no, by Posidon, I want first to
+ponder and calculate over the thing at leisure. I shall not be fool
+enough to strip myself of the fruits of my toil and thrift, if it is not
+for a very good reason; let us see first, which way things turn. Hi!
+friend, what means this display of goods? Are you moving or are you going
+to pawn your stuff?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Neither.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Why then are you setting all these things out in line? Is
+it a procession that you are starting off to the public crier, Hiero?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. No, but in accordance with the new law, that has been
+decreed, I am going to carry all these things to the marketplace to make
+a gift of them to the State.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Oh! bah! you don't mean that.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Certainly.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Oh! Zeus the Deliverer! you unfortunate man!
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Why?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Why? 'Tis as clear as noonday.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Must the laws not be obeyed then?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. What laws, you poor fellow?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Those that have been decreed.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Decreed! Are you mad, I ask you?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Am I mad?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Oh! this is the height of folly!
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Because I obey the law? Is that not the first duty of an
+honest man?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Say rather of a ninny.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Don't you propose taking what belongs to you to the common
+stock?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. I'll take good care I don't until I see what the majority
+are doing.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. There's but one opinion, namely, to contribute every
+single thing one has.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. I am waiting to see it, before I believe that.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. At least, so they say in every street.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And they will go on saying so.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Everyone talks of contributing all he has.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And will go on talking of it.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. You weary me with your doubts and dubitations.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Everybody else will doubt it.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. The pest seize you!
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. It _will_ take you. What? give up your goods! Is there a
+man of sense who will do such a thing? Giving is not one of our customs.
+Receiving is another matter; 'tis the way of the gods themselves. Look at
+the position of their hands on their statues; when we ask a favour, they
+present their hands turned palm up so as not to give, but to receive.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Wretch, let me do what is right. Come, I'll make a bundle
+of all these things. Where is my strap?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Are you really going to carry them in?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Undoubtedly, and there are my three tripods strung
+together already.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. What folly! Not to wait to see what the others do, and
+then ...
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Well, and then what?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. ... wait and put it off again.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. What for?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. That an earthquake may come or an ill-omened flash of
+lightning, that a weasel may run across the street and that none carry in
+anything more, you fool!
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. 'Twould be a fine matter, were I to find no room left for
+placing all this.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. You are much more likely to lose your stuff. As for
+placing it, you can be at ease, for there will be room enough as long as
+a month hence.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Why?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. I know these folk; a decree is soon passed, but it is not
+so easily attended to.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. All will contribute their property, my friend.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. But what if they don't?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. But there is no doubt that they will.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. But _anyhow_, what if they don't?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. We shall compel them to do so.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And what if they prove the stronger?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. I shall leave my goods and go off.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And what if they sell them for you?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. The plague take you!
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And if it does?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. 'Twill be a good riddance.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. You are bent on contributing then?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. 'Pon my soul, yes! Look, there are all my neighbours
+carrying in all they have.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Ha, ha! 'Tis no doubt Antisthenes.[708] He's a fellow who
+would rather sit on his pot for thirty days than not!
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. The pest seize you!
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And perhaps Callimachus[709] is going to take in more
+money than Callias owns? That man want to ruin himself!
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. How you weary me!
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Ah! I weary you! But, wretch, see what comes of decrees
+of this kind. Don't you remember the one reducing the price of salt, eh?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Why, certainly I do.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And do you remember that about the copper coinage?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Ah! that cursed money did me enough harm. I had sold my
+grapes and had my mouth stuffed with pieces of copper;[710] indeed I was
+going to the market to buy flour, and was in the act of holding out my
+bag wide open, when the herald started shouting, "Let none in future
+accept pieces of copper; those of silver are alone current."
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. And quite lately, were we not all swearing that the
+impost of one-fortieth, which Euripides[711] had conceived, would bring
+five talents to the State, and everyone was vaunting Euripides to the
+skies? But when the thing was looked at closely, it was seen that this
+fine decree was mere moonshine and would produce nothing, and you would
+have willingly burnt this very same Euripides alive.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. The cases are quite different, my good fellow. We were the
+rulers then, but now 'tis the women.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Whom, by Posidon, I will never allow to piss on my nose.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. I don't know what the devil you're chattering about.
+Slave, pick up that bundle.
+
+HERALD. Let all citizens come, let them hasten at our leader's bidding!
+'Tis the new law. The lot will teach each citizen where he is to dine;
+the tables are already laid and loaded with the most exquisite dishes;
+the couches are covered with the softest of cushions; the wine and water
+is already being mixed in the ewers; the slaves are standing in a row and
+waiting to pour scent over the guests; the fish is being grilled, the
+hares are on the spit and the cakes are being kneaded, chaplets are being
+plaited and the fritters are frying; the youngest women are watching the
+pea-soup in the saucepans, and in the midst of them all stands
+Smaeus,[712] dressed as a knight, washing the crockery. And Geres[713]
+has come, dressed in a grand tunic and finely shod; he is joking with
+another young fellow and has already divested himself of his heavy shoes
+and his cloak.[714] The pantryman is waiting, so come and use your jaws.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Aye, I'll go. Why should I delay, since the Republic
+commands me?
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. And where are you going to, since you have not deposited
+your belongings?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. To the feast.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. If the women have any wits, they will first insist on your
+depositing your goods.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. But I am going to deposit them.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. When?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. I am not the man to make delays.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. How do you mean?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. There will be many less eager than I.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. In the meantime you are going to dine.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. What else should I do? Every sensible man must give his
+help to the State.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. But if admission is forbidden you?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. I shall duck my head and slip in.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. And if the women have you beaten?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. I shall summon them.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. And if they laugh you in the face?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. I shall stand near the door ...
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. And then?
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. ... and seize upon the dishes as they pass.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. Then go there, but after me. Sicon and Parmeno,[715] pick
+up all the baggage.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Come, I will help you carry it.
+
+FIRST CITIZEN. No, no, I should be afraid of your pretending to the
+leader that what I am depositing belonged to you.
+
+SECOND CITIZEN. Let me see! let me think of some good trick by which I
+can keep my goods and yet take my share of the common feast. Ha! that's a
+good notion! Quick! I'll go and dine, ha, ha! [_Exit laughing_.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. How is this? no men are coming? And yet it must be fully
+time! 'Tis then for naught that I have painted myself with white lead,
+dressed myself in my beautiful yellow robe, and that I am here,
+frolicking and humming between my teeth to attract some passer-by! Oh,
+Muses, alight upon my lips, inspire me with some soft Ionian love-song!
+
+A YOUNG GIRL. You rotten old thing, you have placed yourself at the
+window before me. You were expecting to strip my vines during my absence
+and to trap some man in your snares with your songs. If you sing, I shall
+follow suit; all this singing will weary the spectators, but is
+nevertheless very pleasant and very diverting.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Ha! here is an old man; take him and lead him away. As
+for you, you young flute-player, let us hear some airs that are worthy of
+you and me. Let him who wishes to taste pleasure come to my side. These
+young things know nothing about it; 'tis only the women of ripe age who
+understand the art of love, and no one could know how to fondle the lover
+who possessed me so well as myself; the young girls are all flightiness.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. Don't be jealous of the young girls; voluptuousness resides
+in the pure outline of their beautiful limbs and blossoms on their
+rounded bosoms; but you, old woman, you who are tricked out and perfumed
+as if for your own funeral, are an object of love only for grim Death
+himself.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. May your hole be stopped; may you be unable to find your
+couch when you want to be fucked. And on your couch, when your lips seek
+a lover, may you embrace only a viper!
+
+YOUNG GIRL. Alas! alas! what is to become of me? There is no lover! I am
+left here alone; my mother has gone out and the rest care little for me.
+Oh! my dear nurse, I adjure you to call Orthagoras, and may heaven bless
+you.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Ah! poor child, desire is consuming you like an Ionian
+woman; I think you are no stranger to the wanton arts of the Lesbian
+women, but you shall not rob me of my pleasures; you will not be able to
+reduce or filch the time that first belongs to me, for your own gain.
+Sing as much as you please, peep out like a cat lying in wait, but none
+shall pass through your door without first having been to see me.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. If anyone enter your house, 'twill be to carry out your
+corpse.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. That's new to me.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. What! you rotten wretch, can anything be new to an old hag
+like you?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. My old age will not harm you.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. Ah! shame on your painted cheeks!
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Why do you speak to me at all?
+
+YOUNG GIRL. And why do you place yourself at the window?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. I am singing to myself about my lover, Epigenes.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. Can you have any other lover than that old fop Geres?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Epigenes will show you that himself, for he is coming to
+me. See, here he is.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. He's not thinking of you in the least, you old witch.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Aye, but he is, you little pest.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. Let's see what he will do. I will leave my window.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. And I likewise. You will see I am not far wrong.
+
+A YOUNG MAN. Ah! could I but sleep with the young girl without first
+satisfying the old flat-nose! 'Tis intolerable for a free-born man.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Willy nilly, you must first gratify my desire. There
+shall be no nonsense about that, for my authority is the law and the law
+must be obeyed in a democracy. But come, let me hide, to see what he's
+going to do.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Ah! ye gods, if I were to find the sweet child alone! for the
+wine has fired my lust.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. I have tricked that cursed old wretch; she has left her
+window, thinking I would stay at home.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Ah! here is the lover we were talking of. This way, my
+love, this way, come here and haste to rest the whole night in my arms. I
+worship your lovely curly hair; I am consumed with ardent desire. Oh!
+Eros, in thy mercy, compel him to my bed.
+
+YOUNG MAN (_standing beneath the young girl's window and singing_).[716]
+Come down and haste to open the door unless you want to see me fall dead
+with desire. Dearest treasure, I am burning to yield myself to most
+voluptuous sport, lying on your bosom, to let my hands play with your
+buttocks. Aphrodité, why dost thou fire me with such delight in her? Oh!
+Eros, I beseech thee, have mercy and make her share my couch. Words
+cannot express the tortures I am suffering. Oh! my adored one, I adjure
+you, open your door for me and press me to your heart; 'tis for you that
+I am suffering. Oh! my jewel, my idol, you child of Aphrodité, the
+confidante of the Muses, the sister of the Graces, you living picture of
+Voluptuousness, oh! open for me, press me to your heart, 'tis for you
+that I am suffering.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Are you knocking? Is it I you seek?
+
+YOUNG MAN. What an idea!
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. But you were tapping at the door.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Death would be sweeter.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Why do you come with that torch in your hand?
+
+YOUNG MAN. I am looking for a man from Anaphlystia.[717]
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. What's his name?
+
+YOUNG MAN. Oh! 'tis not Sebinus,[718] whom no doubt you are expecting.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. By Aphrodité, you _must_, whether you like it or not.
+
+YOUNG MAN. We are not now concerned with cases dated sixty years back;
+they are remanded for a later day; we are dealing only with those of less
+than twenty.[719]
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. That was under the old order of things, sweetheart, but
+now you must first busy yourself with us.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Aye, _if I want to_, according to the rules of draughts, where
+we may either take or leave.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. But 'tis not according to the rules of draughts that you
+take your seat at the banquet.[720]
+
+YOUNG MAN. I don't know what you mean; 'tis at this door I want to knock.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Not before knocking at mine first.
+
+YOUNG MAN. For the moment I really have no need for old leather.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. I know that you love me; perhaps you are surprised to
+find me at the door. But come, let me kiss you.
+
+YOUNG MAN. No, no, my dear, I am afraid of your lover.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Of whom?
+
+YOUNG MAN. The most gifted of painters.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Why, whom do you mean to speak of?
+
+YOUNG MAN. The artist who paints the little bottles on coffins.[721] But
+get you indoors, lest he should find you at the door.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. I know what you want.
+
+YOUNG MAN. I can say as much of you.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. By Aphrodité, who has granted me this good chance, I
+won't let you go.
+
+YOUNG MAN. You are drivelling, you little old hag.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Rubbish! I am going to lead you to my couch.
+
+YOUNG MAN. What need for buying hooks? I will let her down to the bottom
+of the well and pull up the buckets with her old carcase, for she's
+crooked enough for that.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. A truce to your jeering, poor boy, and follow me.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Nothing compels me to do so, unless you have paid the levy of
+five hundredths for me.[722]
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Look, by Aphrodité, there is nothing that delights me as
+much as sleeping with a lad of your years.
+
+YOUNG MAN. And I abhor such as you, and I will never, never consent.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. But, by Zeus, here is something will force you to it.
+
+YOUNG MAN. What's that?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. A decree, which orders you to enter my house.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Read it out then, and let's hear.
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Listen. "The women have decreed, that if a young man
+desires a young girl, he can only possess her after having satisfied an
+old woman; and if he refuses and goes to seek the maiden, the old women
+are authorized to seize him by his privates and so drag him in."
+
+YOUNG MAN. Alas! I shall become a Procrustes.[723]
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Obey the law.
+
+YOUNG MAN. But if a fellow-citizen, a friend, came to pay my ransom?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. No man may dispose of anything above a medimnus.[724]
+
+YOUNG MAN. But may I not enter an excuse?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. There's no evasion.
+
+YOUNG MAN. I shall declare myself a merchant and so escape service.[725]
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Beware what you do!
+
+YOUNG MAN. Well! what is to be done?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Follow me.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Is it absolutely necessary?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Yes, as surely as if Diomedes had commanded it.[726]
+
+YOUNG MAN. Well then, first spread out a layer of origanum[727] upon four
+pieces of wood; bind fillets round your head, bring phials of scent and
+place a bowl filled with lustral water before your door.[728]
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Will you buy a chaplet for me too?
+
+YOUNG MAN. Aye, if you outlast the tapers; for I expect to see you fall
+down dead as you go in.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. Where are you dragging this unfortunate man to?
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. 'Tis my very own property that I am leading in.
+
+YOUNG GIRL. You do ill. A young fellow like him is not of the age to suit
+you. You ought to be his mother rather than his wife. With these laws in
+force, the earth will be filled with Oedipuses.[729]
+
+FIRST OLD WOMAN. Oh! you cursed pest! 'tis envy that makes you say this;
+but I will be revenged.
+
+YOUNG MAN. By Zeus the Deliverer, what a service you have done me, by
+freeing me of this old wretch! with what ardour I will show you my
+gratitude in a form both long and thick!
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Hi! you there! where are you taking that young man to,
+in spite of the law? The decree ordains that he must first sleep with me.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Oh! what a misfortune! Where does _this_ hag come from? 'Tis a
+more frightful monster than the other even.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Come here.
+
+YOUNG MAN (_to the young girl_). Oh! I adjure you, don't let me be led
+off by her!
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. 'Tis not I; 'tis the law that leads you off.
+
+YOUNG MAN. No, 'tis not the law, but an Empusa[730] with a body covered
+with blemishes and blotches.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Follow me, my handsome little friend, come along quick
+without any more ado.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Oh! let me first do the needful, so that I may gather my wits
+somewhat. Else I should be so terrified that you would see me letting out
+something yellow.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Never mind! you can stool, if you want, in my house.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Oh! I fear doing more than I want to; but I offer you two good
+securities.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. I don't require them.
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. Hi! friend, where are you off to with that woman?
+
+YOUNG MAN. I am not going with her, but am being dragged by force. Oh!
+whoever you are, may heaven bless you for having had pity on me in my
+dire misfortune. (_Turns round and sees the Third Old Woman._) Oh
+Heracles! oh Heracles! oh Pan! Oh ye Corybantes! oh ye Dioscuri! Why, she
+is still more awful! Oh! what a monster! great gods! Are you an ape
+plastered with white lead, or the ghost of some old hag returned from the
+dark borderlands of death?
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. No jesting! Follow me.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. No, come this way.
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. I will never let you go.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Nor will I.
+
+YOUNG MAN. But you will rend me asunder, you cursed wretches.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. 'Tis I he must go with according to the law.
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. Not if an uglier old woman than yourself appears.
+
+YOUNG MAN. But if you kill me at the outset, how shall I afterwards go to
+find this beautiful girl of mine?
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. That's your business. But begin by obeying.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Of which one must I rid myself first?
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Don't you know? Come here.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Then let the other one release me.
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. Come to my house.
+
+YOUNG MAN. If this dame will let me go.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. No, by all the gods, I'll not let you go.
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. Nor will I.
+
+YOUNG MAN. You would make very bad boatwomen.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Why?
+
+YOUNG MAN. Because you would tear your passengers to pieces in dragging
+them on board.
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Then come along, do, and hold your tongue.
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. No, by Zeus, come with me.
+
+YOUNG MAN. 'Tis clearly a case of the decree of Cannonus;[731] I must cut
+myself in two in order to fuck you both. But how am I to work two oars at
+once?
+
+SECOND OLD WOMAN. Easily enough; you have only to eat a full pot of
+onions.[732]
+
+YOUNG MAN. Oh! great gods! here I am close to the door and being dragged
+in!
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN (_to Second Old Woman_). You will gain nothing by this,
+for I shall rush into your house with you.
+
+YOUNG MAN. Oh, no! no! 'twould be better to suffer a single misfortune
+than two.
+
+THIRD OLD WOMAN. Ah! by Hecaté, 'twill be all the same whether you wish
+it or not.
+
+YOUNG MAN. What a fate is mine, that I must gratify such a stinking
+harridan the whole night through and all day; then, when I am rid of her,
+I have still to tackle a hag of brick-colour hue! Am I not truly
+unfortunate? Ah! by Zeus the Deliverer! under what fatal star must I have
+been born, that I must sail in company with such monsters! But if my bark
+sinks in the sewer of these strumpets, may I be buried at the very
+threshold of the door; let this hag be stood upright on my grave, let her
+be coated alive with pitch and her legs covered with molten lead up to
+the ankles, and let her be set alight as a funeral lamp.
+
+A SERVANT-MAID TO PRAXAGORA (_she comes from the banquet_). What
+happiness is the people's! what joy is mine, and above all that of my
+mistress! Happy are ye, who form choruses before our house! Happy all ye,
+both neighbours and fellow-citizens! Happy am I myself! I am but a
+servant, and yet I have poured on my hair the most exquisite essences.
+Let thanks be rendered to thee, oh, Zeus! But a still more delicious
+aroma is that of the wine of Thasos; its sweet bouquet delights the
+drinker for a long enough, whereas the others lose their bloom and vanish
+quickly. Therefore, long life to the wine-jars of Thasos! Pour yourselves
+out unmixed wine, it will cheer you the whole night through, if you
+choose the liquor that possesses most fragrance. But tell me, friends,
+where is my mistress's husband?
+
+CHORUS. Wait for him here; he will no doubt pass this way.
+
+MAID-SERVANT. Ah! there he is just going to dinner. Oh! master! what joy!
+what blessedness is yours!
+
+BLEPYRUS. Ah! d'you think so?
+
+MAID-SERVANT. None can compare his happiness to yours; you have reached
+its utmost height, you who, alone out of thirty thousand citizens, have
+not yet dined.
+
+CHORUS Aye, here is undoubtedly a truly happy man.
+
+MAID-SERVANT. Where are you off to?
+
+BLEPYRUS. I am going to dine.
+
+MAID-SERVANT. By Aphrodité, you will be the last of all, far and away the
+last. Yet my mistress has bidden me take you and take with you these
+young girls. Some Chian wine is left and lots of other good things.
+Therefore hurry, and invite likewise all the spectators whom we have
+pleased, and such of the judges as are not against us, to follow us; we
+will offer them everything they can desire. Let our hospitality be large
+and generous; forget no one, neither old nor young men, nor children.
+Dinner is ready for them all; they have but to go ... home.[733]
+
+CHORUS. I am betaking myself to the banquet with this torch in my hand
+according to custom. But why do you tarry, Blepyrus? Take these young
+girls with you and, while you are away a while, I will whet my appetite
+with some dining-song. I have but a few words to say: let the wise judge
+me because of whatever is wise in this piece, and those who like a laugh
+by whatever has made them laugh. In this way I address pretty well
+everyone. If the lot has assigned my comedy to be played first of all,
+don't let that be a disadvantage to me; engrave in your memory all that
+shall have pleased you in it and judge the competitors equitably as you
+have bound yourselves by oath to do. Don't act like vile courtesans, who
+never remember any but their last lover. It is time, friends, high time
+to go to the banquet, if we want to have our share of it. Open your ranks
+and let the Cretan rhythms regulate your dances.[734]
+
+SEMI-CHORUS. Ready; we are ready!
+
+CHORUS. And you others, let your light steps too keep time. Very soon
+will be served a very fine menu[*]--oysters-saltfish-skate-sharks'-heads
+left-over-vinegar-dressing-laserpitium-leek-with-honey-sauce-thrush
+blackbird-pigeon-dove-roast-cock's-brains-wagtail-cushat-hare-stewed
+in-new-wine-gristle-of-veal-pullet's-wings.[735] Come, quick, seize
+hold of a plate, snatch up a cup, and let's run to secure a place at
+table. The rest will have their jaws at work by this time.
+
+[* Transcriber's note: In the original, all following words until 'wings'
+are connected with hyphens, i.e. they form _one_ word.]
+
+SEMI-CHORUS. Let up leap and dance, Io! evoë! Let us to dinner, Io! evoë.
+For victory is ours, victory is ours! Ho! Victory! Io! evoë!
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FINIS OF "THE ECCLESIAZUSAE"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Footnotes:
+
+[648] A parody of the pompous addresses to inanimate objects so frequent
+in the prologues and monodies of Euripides.
+
+[649] A festival which was kept in Athens in the month of scirophorion
+(June), whence its name; the statues of Athené, Demeter, Persephoné,
+Apollo and Posidon were borne through the city with great pomp with
+banners or canopies ([Greek: skira]) over them.
+
+[650] Unknown.
+
+[651] So as to get sunburnt and thus have a more manly appearance.
+
+[652] A demagogue, well known on account of his long flowing beard; he
+was nicknamed by his fellow-citizens [Greek: Sakesphoros] that is,
+shield-bearer, because his beard came down to his waist and covered his
+body like a shield.
+
+[653] Unknown.
+
+[654] Whereas the arms must be extended to do carding, and folk could not
+fail to recognize her as a woman by their shape.
+
+[655] Agyrrhius was an Athenian general, who commanded at Lesbos; he was
+effeminate and of depraved habits. No doubt he had let his beard grow to
+impose on the masses and to lend himself that dignity which he was
+naturally wanting in.--Pronomus was a flute-player, who had a fine beard.
+
+[656] Young pigs were sacrificed at the beginning of the sittings; here
+the comic writer substitutes a cat for the pig, perhaps because of its
+lasciviousness.
+
+[657] A pathic; Aristophanes classes him with the women, because of his
+effeminacy.
+
+[658] The orators wore green chaplets, generally of olive leaves; guests
+also wore them at feasts, but then flowers were mingled with the leaves.
+
+[659] An allusion to the rapacity of the orators, who only meddled in
+political discussions with the object of getting some personal gain
+through their influence; also to the fondness for strong drink we find
+attributed in so many passages to the Athenian women.
+
+[660] A sort of cistern dug in the ground, in which the ancients kept
+their wine.
+
+[661] This was a form of oath that women made use of; hence it is barred
+by Praxagora.
+
+[662] Another pathic, like Ariphrades, mentioned above.
+
+[663] Before the time of Pericles, when manners had not yet become
+corrupt, the fame of each citizen was based on fact; worthy men were
+honoured, and those who resembled Agyrrhius, already mentioned, were
+detested. For this general, see note a little above.
+
+[664] The alliance with Corinth, Boeotia and Argolis against Sparta in
+393 B.C.
+
+[665] Conon, who went to Asia Minor and was thrown into prison at Sardis
+by the Persian Satrap.
+
+[666] An Argive to whom Conon entrusted the command of his fleet when he
+went to the court of the King of Persia.--In this passage the poet is
+warning his fellow-citizens not to alienate the goodwill of the allies by
+their disdain, but to know how to honour those among them who had
+distinguished themselves by their talents.
+
+[667] The Lacedaemonians, after having recalled their king, Agesilas, who
+gained the victory of Coronea, were themselves beaten at sea off Cnidus
+by Conon and Pharnabazus. 'Twas no doubt this victory which gave a _spark
+of hope_ to the Athenians, who had suffered so cruelly during so many
+years; but Aristophanes declares that, in order to profit by this return
+of fortune, they must recall Thrasybulus, the deliverer of Athens in 401
+B.C. He was then ostensibly employed in getting the islands of the Aegean
+sea and the towns of the Asiatic coast to return under the Athenian
+power, but this was really only an honourable excuse for thrusting him
+aside for reasons of jealousy.
+
+[668] Unknown.
+
+[669] During the earlier years of the Peloponnesian war, when the annual
+invasion of Attica by the Lacedaemonians drove the country population
+into the city.
+
+[670] A demagogue, otherwise unknown.
+
+[671] Cephalus' father was said to have been a tinker.
+
+[672] The comic poets accused him of being an alien by birth and also an
+informer and a rogue. See the 'Plutus.'
+
+[673] There was a Greek saying, "_Look into the backside of a dog and of
+three foxes_" which, says the Scholiast, used to be addressed to those
+who had bad eyes. But the precise point of the joke here is difficult to
+see.
+
+[674] An obscene allusion; [Greek: hupokrouein] means both _pulsare_ and
+_subagitare_,--to strike, and also to move to the man in sexual
+intercourse.
+
+[675] In order to vote.
+
+[676] The Chorus addresses the leaders amongst the women by the names of
+men. Charitimides was commander of the Athenian navy.
+
+[677] The countryfolk affected to despise the townspeople, whom they
+dubbed idle and lazy.
+
+[678] The fee of the citizens who attended the Assembly had varied like
+that of the dicasts, or jurymen.
+
+[679] An Athenian general, who gained brilliant victories over the
+Thebans during the period prior to the Peloponnesian war.
+
+[680] A dithyrambic poet, and notorious for his dissoluteness; he was
+accused of having daubed the statues of Hecate at the Athenian
+cross-roads with ordure.
+
+[681] The women wore yellow tunics, called [Greek: krok_otoi], because of
+their colour.
+
+[682] This Thrasybulus, not to be confounded with the more famous
+Thrasybulus, restorer of the Athenian democracy, in 403 B.C., had
+undertaken to speak against the Spartans, who had come with proposals of
+peace, but afterwards excused himself, pretending to be labouring under a
+sore throat, brought on by eating wild pears (B.C. 393). The Athenians
+suspected him of having been bribed by the Spartans.
+
+[683] A coined word, derived from [Greek: _achras_], a wild pear.
+
+[684] Amynon was not a physician, according to the Scholiast, but one of
+those orators called [Greek: europr_oktoi] (_laticuli_) 'wide-arsed,'
+because addicted to habits of pathic vice, and was invoked by Blepyrus
+for that reason.
+
+[685] A doctor notorious for his dissolute life.
+
+[686] The Grecian goddess who presided over child-birth.
+
+[687] He is afraid lest some comic poet should surprise him in his
+ridiculous position and might cause a laugh at his expense upon the
+stage.
+
+[688] In accordance with a quaint Athenian custom a rope daubed with
+vermilion was drawn across from end to end of the Agora (market-place) by
+officials of the city at the last moment before the Ecclesia, or Public
+Assembly, was to meet. Any citizen trying to evade his duty to be present
+was liable to have his white robe streaked red, and so be exposed to
+general ridicule on finally putting in an appearance on the Pnyx.
+
+[689] A parody on a verse in 'The Myrmidons' of Aeschylus.--Antilochus
+was the son of Nestor; he was killed by Memnon, when defending his
+father.
+
+[690] See above.
+
+[691] He was very poor, and his cloak was such a mass of holes that one
+might doubt his having one at all. This surname, Evaeon ([Greek: eu
+ai_on], delicious life) had doubtless been given him on the 'lucus a non'
+principle because of his wretchedness.
+
+[692] Apparently a wealthy corn-factor.
+
+[693] Presumably this refers to the grandson of Nicias, the leader of the
+expedition to Sicily; he must have been sixteen or seventeen years old
+about that time, since, according to Lysias, Niceratus, the son of the
+great Nicias, was killed in 405 B.C. and had left a son of tender age
+behind him, who bore the name of his grandfather.
+
+[694] That is, the pale-faced folk in the Assembly already referred
+to--really the women there present surreptitiously.
+
+[695] To eat cuttle-fish was synonymous with enjoying the highest
+felicity.
+
+[696] A common vulgar saying, used among the Athenians, as much as to
+say, _To the devil with interruptions!_
+
+[697] This stood in the centre of the market-place.
+
+[698] It was the custom at Athens to draw lots to decide in which Court
+each dicast should serve; Praxagora proposes to apply the same system to
+decide the dining station for each citizen.
+
+[699] In Greek [Greek: h_e basileius]([Greek: stoa], understood), the
+first letter a [Greek: b_eta.]
+
+[700] Commencing with a [Greek: Th_eta].
+
+[701] [Greek: Ha alphitop_olis stoa]; why [Greek: kappa], it is hard to
+say; from some popular nickname probably, which is unknown to us.
+
+[702] The pun cannot be kept in English; it is between [Greek: kaptein],
+to gobble, to cram oneself, and [Greek: kappa], the designating letter.
+
+[703] That is, one of the beautiful maidens selected to bear the baskets
+containing the sacred implements in procession at the Festival of
+Demeter, Bacchus and Athené.
+
+[704] The slave-girl who attended each Canephoros, and sheltered her from
+the sun's rays.
+
+[705] Mentioned a little above for his ugliness; the Scholiast says he
+was a general.
+
+[706] Hydriaphoros; the wives of resident aliens ([Greek: metoikoi]) were
+allowed to take part in these processions, but in a subordinate position;
+they carried vessels full of water for the service of the sacrifice.
+
+[707] Scaphephoros, bearer of the vases containing the honey required for
+the sacrifices. The office was assigned to the [Greek: metoikoi] as a
+recognition of their semi-citizenship.
+
+[708] A miser, who, moreover, was obstinately constipated.
+
+[709] Presumably a man in extreme poverty.
+
+[710] The ancients carried small coins in their mouth; this custom still
+obtains to-day in the East.
+
+[711] This Euripides was the son of the tragic poet.
+
+[712] This Smaeus was a notorious debauchee; the phrase contains obscene
+allusions, implying that he was ready both to ride a woman or to lick her
+privates--[Greek: kel_etizein] or [Greek: lesbiazein].
+
+[713] Geres, an old fop, who wanted to pass as a young man.
+
+[714] According to Greek custom, these were left at the entrance of the
+banqueting-hall.
+
+[715] The names of his slaves.
+
+[716] A specimen of the _serenades_ ([Greek: paraklausithura]) of the
+Greeks.
+
+[717] An Attic deme. There is an obscene jest here; the word [Greek:
+anaphlan] means to masturbate.
+
+[718] [Greek: Ton Sebinon], a coined name, representing [Greek: ton se
+binounta], 'the man who is to tread you.'
+
+[719] The passage is written in the language of the Bar. It is an
+allusion to the slowness of justice at Athens.
+
+[720] i.e. the new law must be conformed to all round.
+
+[721] It was customary to paint phials or little bottles on the coffins
+of the poor; these emblems took the place of the perfumes that were
+sprinkled on the bodies of the rich.
+
+[722] i.e. unless I am your slave; no doubt this tax of five hundredths
+was paid by the master on the assumed value of his slave.--We have,
+however, no historical data to confirm this.
+
+[723] Nickname of the notorious brigand. The word means 'one who
+stretches and tortures,' from [Greek: prokrouein], and refers to his
+habit of fitting all his captives to the same bedstead--the 'bed of
+Procrustes'--stretching them if too short to the required length, lopping
+their limbs as required if they were too long. Here a further pun is
+involved, [Greek: prokrouein] meaning also 'to go with a woman first.'
+
+[724] Athenian law declared it illegal for a woman to contract any debt
+exceeding the price of a _medimnus_ of corn; this law is now supposed to
+affect the men.
+
+[725] Merchants were exempt from military service; in this case, it is
+another kind of service that the old woman wants to exact from the young
+man.
+
+[726] A Thracian brigand, who forced strangers to share his daughters'
+bed, or be devoured by his horses.
+
+[727] Dead bodies were laid out on a layer of origanum, which is an
+aromatic plant.
+
+[728] The young man is here describing the formalities connected with the
+laying out of the dead.
+
+[729] Who had married his mother Jocasta without knowing it.
+
+[730] A hideous spectre that Hecaté was supposed to send to frighten men.
+
+[731] Which provided that where a number of criminals were charged with
+the same offence, each must be tried separately.
+
+[732] As an aphrodisiac.
+
+[733] We have already seen similar waggish endings to phrases in the
+'Lysistrata'; the figure is called [Greek: para prosdokian]--'contrary to
+expectation.'
+
+[734] Nothing is known as to these Cretan rhythms. According to the
+Scholiast, this is a jest, because the Cretans, who were great eaters,
+sat down to table early in the morning. This is what the Chorus supposes
+it is going to do, since 'The Ecclesiazusae' was played first, i.e.
+during the forenoon.
+
+[735] This wonderful word consists, in the original Greek, of
+seventy-seven syllables. For similar burlesque compounds see the
+'Lysistrata,' 457, 458; 'Wasps,' 505 and 520. Compare Shakespeare,
+'Love's Labour's Lost,' Act V. sc. 1: "I marvel thy master hath not eaten
+thee for a word; for thou art not so long by the head as
+_honorificabilitudinitatibus_." This is outdone by Rabelais'
+_Antipericatametaanaparbeugedamphicribrationibus_.
+
+
+
+
+PLUTUS[*]
+
+
+
+
+[* Transcriber's note: This caption is missing in the original.]
+
+INTRODUCTION
+
+The 'Plutus' differs widely from all other works of its Author, and, it
+must be confessed, is the least interesting and diverting of them all.
+"In its absence of personal interests and personal satire," and its lack
+of strong comic incidents, "it approximates rather to a whimsical
+allegory than a comedy properly so called."
+
+The plot is of the simplest. Chremylus, a poor but just man, accompanied
+by his body-servant Cario--the redeeming feature, by the by, of an
+otherwise dull play, the original type of the comic valet of the stage of
+all subsequent periods--consults the Delphic Oracle concerning his son,
+whether he ought not to be instructed in injustice and knavery and the
+other arts whereby worldly men acquire riches. By way of answer the god
+only tells him that he is to follow whomsoever he first meets upon
+leaving the temple, who proves to be a blind and ragged old man. But this
+turns out to be no other than Plutus himself, the god of riches, whom
+Zeus has robbed of his eyesight, so that he may be unable henceforth to
+distinguish between the just and the unjust. However, succoured by
+Chremylus and conducted by him to the Temple of Aesculapius, Plutus
+regains the use of his eyes. Whereupon all just men, including the god's
+benefactor, are made rich and prosperous, and the unjust reduced to
+indigence.
+
+The play was, it seems, twice put upon the stage--first in 408 B.C., and
+again in a revised and reinforced edition, with allusions and innuendoes
+brought up to date, in 388 B.C., a few years before the Author's death.
+The text we possess--marred, however, by several considerable lacunae--is
+now generally allowed to be that of the piece as played at the later
+date, when it won the prize.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PLUTUS
+
+
+DRAMATIS PERSONAE
+
+CHREMYLUS.
+CARIO, Servant of Chremylus.
+PLUTUS, God of Riches.
+BLEPSIDEMUS, friend of Chremylus.
+WIFE OF CHREMYLUS.
+POVERTY.
+A JUST MAN.
+AN INFORMER, or Sycophant.
+AN OLD WOMAN.
+A YOUTH.
+HERMES.
+A PRIEST OF ZEUS.
+CHORUS OF RUSTICS.
+
+SCENE: In front of a farmhouse--a road leading up to it.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+PLUTUS
+
+
+CARIO. What an unhappy fate, great gods, to be the slave of a fool! A
+servant may give the best of advice, but if his master does not follow
+it, the poor slave must inevitably have his share in the disaster; for
+fortune does not allow him to dispose of his own body, it belongs to his
+master who has bought it. Alas! 'tis the way of the world. But the god,
+Apollo, whose oracles the Pythian priestess on her golden tripod makes
+known to us, deserves my censure, for 'tis assured he is a physician and
+a cunning diviner; and yet my master is leaving his temple infected with
+mere madness and insists on following a blind man. Is this not opposed to
+all good sense? 'Tis for us, who see clearly, to guide those who don't;
+whereas he clings to the trail of a blind fellow and compels me to do the
+same without answering my questions with ever a word. (_To Chremylus._)
+Aye, master, unless you tell me why we are following this unknown fellow,
+I will not be silent, but I will worry and torment you, for you cannot
+beat me because of my sacred chaplet of laurel.
+
+CHREMYLUS. No, but if you worry me I will take off your chaplet, and then
+you will only get a sounder thrashing.
+
+CARIO. That's an old song! I am going to leave you no peace till you have
+told me who this man is; and if I ask it, 'tis entirely because of my
+interest in you.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Well, be it so. I will reveal it to you as being the most
+faithful and the most rascally of all my servants.[736] I honoured the
+gods and did what was right, and yet I was none the less poor and
+unfortunate.
+
+CARIO. I know it but too well.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Other amassed wealth--the sacrilegious, the demagogues, the
+informers,[737] indeed every sort of rascal.
+
+CARIO. I believe you.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Therefore I came to consult the oracle of the god, not on my
+own account, for my unfortunate life is nearing its end, but for my only
+son; I wanted to ask Apollo, if it was necessary for him to become a
+thorough knave and renounce his virtuous principles, since that seemed to
+me to be the only way to succeed in life.
+
+CARIO. And with what responding tones did the sacred tripod resound?[738]
+
+CHREMYLUS. You shall know. The god ordered me in plain terms to follow
+the first man I should meet upon leaving the temple and to persuade him
+to accompany me home.
+
+CARIO. And who was the first one you met?
+
+CHREMYLUS. This blind man.
+
+CARIO. And you are stupid enough not to understand the meaning of such an
+answer? Why, the god was advising you thereby, and that in the clearest
+possible way, to bring up your son according to the fashion of your
+country.
+
+CHREMYLUS. What makes you think that?
+
+CARIO. Is it not evident to the blind, that nowadays to do nothing that
+is right is the best way to get on?
+
+CHREMYLUS. No, that is not the meaning of the oracle; there must be
+another, that is nobler. If this blind man would tell us who he is and
+why and with what object he has led us here, we should no doubt
+understand what our oracle really does mean.
+
+CARIO (_to Plutus_). Come, tell us at once who you are, or I give effect
+to my threat. (_He menaces him_.) And quick too, be quick, I say.
+
+PLUTUS. I'll thrash you.
+
+CARIO (_to Chremylus_). Ha! is it thus he tells us his name?
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Tis to you and not to me that he replies thus; your mode of
+questioning him was ill-advised. (_To Plutus._) Come, friend, if you care
+to oblige an honest man, answer me.
+
+PLUTUS. I'll knock you down.
+
+CARIO. Ah! what a pleasant fellow and what a delightful prophecy the god
+has given you!
+
+CHREMYLUS. By Demeter, you'll have no reason to laugh presently.
+
+CARIO. If you don't speak, you wretch, I will surely do you an ill turn.
+
+PLUTUS. Friends, take yourselves off and leave me.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That we very certainly shan't.
+
+CARIO. This, master, is the best thing to do. I'll undertake to secure
+him the most frightful death; I will lead him to the verge of a precipice
+and then leave him there, so that he'll break his neck when he pitches
+over.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Well then, I leave him to you, and do the thing quickly.
+
+PLUTUS. Oh, no! Have mercy!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Will you speak then?
+
+PLUTUS. But if you learn who I am, I know well that you will ill-use me
+and will not let me go again.
+
+CHREMYLUS. I call the gods to witness that you have naught to fear if you
+will only speak.
+
+PLUTUS. Well then, first unhand me.
+
+CHREMYLUS. There! we set you free.
+
+PLUTUS. Listen then, since I must reveal what I had intended to keep a
+secret. I am Plutus.[739]
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh! you wretched rascal! You Plutus all the while, and you
+never said so!
+
+CARIO. You, Plutus, and in this piteous guise!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh, Phoebus Apollo! oh, ye gods of heaven and hell! Oh, Zeus!
+is it really and truly as you say?
+
+PLUTUS. Aye.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Plutus' very own self?
+
+PLUTUS. His own very self and none other.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But tell me, whence come you to be so squalid?
+
+PLUTUS. I have just left Patrocles' house, who has not had a bath since
+his birth.[740]
+
+CHREMYLUS. But your infirmity; how did that happen? Tell me.
+
+PLUTUS. Zeus inflicted it on me, because of his jealousy of mankind. When
+I was young, I threatened him that I would only go to the just, the wise,
+the men of ordered life; to prevent my distinguishing these, he struck me
+with blindness! so much does he envy the good!
+
+CHREMYLUS. And yet, 'tis only the upright and just who honour him.
+
+PLUTUS. Quite true.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Therefore, if ever you recovered your sight, you would shun
+the wicked?
+
+PLUTUS. Undoubtedly.
+
+CHREMYLUS. You would visit the good?
+
+PLUTUS. Assuredly. It is a very long time since I saw them.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That's not astonishing. I, who see clearly, don't see a single
+one.
+
+PLUTUS. Now let me leave you, for I have told you everything.
+
+CHREMYLUS. No, certainly not! we shall fasten ourselves on to you faster
+than ever.
+
+PLUTUS. Did I not tell you, you were going to plague me?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh! I adjure you, believe what I say and don't leave me; for
+you will seek in vain for a more honest man than myself.
+
+CARIO. There is only one man more worthy; and that is I.
+
+PLUTUS. All talk like this, but as soon as they secure my favours and
+grow rich, their wickedness knows no bounds.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And yet all men are not wicked.
+
+PLUTUS. All. There's no exception.
+
+CARIO. You shall pay for that opinion.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Listen to what happiness there is in store for you, if you but
+stay with us. I have hope; aye, I have good hope with the god's help to
+deliver you from that blindness, in fact to restore your sight.
+
+PLUTUS. Oh! do nothing of the kind, for I don't wish to recover it.
+
+CHREMYLUS. What's that you say?
+
+CARIO. This fellow hugs his own misery.
+
+PLUTUS. If you were mad enough to cure me, and Zeus heard of it, he would
+overwhelm me with his anger.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And is he not doing this now by leaving you to grope your
+wandering way?
+
+PLUTUS. I don't know; but I'm horribly afraid of him.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Indeed? Ah! you are the biggest poltroon of all the gods! Why,
+Zeus with his throne and his lightnings would not be worth an obolus if
+you recovered your sight, were it but for a few instants.
+
+PLUTUS. Impious man, don't talk like that.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Fear nothing! I will prove to you that you are far more
+powerful and mightier than he.
+
+PLUTUS. I mightier than he?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Aye, by heaven! For instance, what is the origin of the power
+that Zeus wields over the other gods?[741]
+
+CARIO. 'Tis money; he has so much of it.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And who gives it to him?
+
+CARIO (_pointing to Plutus_). This fellow.
+
+CHREMYLUS. If sacrifices are offered to him, is not Plutus their cause?
+
+CARIO. Undoubtedly, for 'tis wealth that all demand and clamour most
+loudly for.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Thus 'tis Plutus who is the fount of all the honours rendered
+to Zeus, whose worship he can wither up at the root, if it so please him.
+
+PLUTUS. And how so?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Not an ox, nor a cake, nor indeed anything at all could be
+offered, if you did not wish it.
+
+PLUTUS. Why?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Why? but what means are there to buy anything if you are not
+there to give the money? Hence if Zeus should cause you any trouble, you
+will destroy his power without other help.
+
+PLUTUS. So 'tis because of me that sacrifices are offered to him?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Most assuredly. Whatever is dazzling, beautiful or charming in
+the eyes of mankind, comes from you. Does not everything depend on
+wealth?
+
+CARIO. I myself was bought for a few coins; if I'm a slave, 'tis only
+because I was not rich.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And what of the Corinthian courtesans?[742] If a poor man
+offers them proposals, they do not listen; but if it be a rich one,
+instantly they offer their buttocks for his pleasure.
+
+CARIO. 'Tis the same with the lads; they care not for love, to them money
+means everything.
+
+CHREMYLUS. You speak of those who accept all comers; yet some of them are
+honest, and 'tis not money they ask of their patrons.
+
+CARIO. What then?
+
+CHREMYLUS. A fine horse, a pack of hounds.
+
+CARIO. Aye, they would blush to ask for money and cleverly disguise their
+shame.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Tis in you that every art, all human inventions, have had
+their origin; 'tis through you that one man sits cutting leather in his
+shop.
+
+CARIO. That another fashions iron or wood.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That yet another chases the gold he has received from you.
+
+CARIO. That one is a fuller.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That t'other washes wool.
+
+CARIO. That this one is a tanner.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And that other sells onions.
+
+CARIO. And if the adulterer, caught red-handed, is depilated,[743] 'tis
+on account of you.[744]
+
+PLUTUS. Oh! great gods! I knew naught of all this!
+
+CARIO. Is it not he who lends the Great King all his pride?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Is it not he who draws the citizens to the Assembly?[745]
+
+CARIO. And tell me, is it not you who equip the triremes?[746]
+
+CHREMYLUS. And who feed our mercenaries at Corinth?[747]
+
+CARIO. Are not you the cause of Pamphilus' sufferings?[748]
+
+CHREMYLUS. And of the needle-seller's[749] with Pamphilus?
+
+CARIO. Is it not because of you that Agyrrhius[750] lets wind so loudly?
+
+CHREMYLUS. And that Philepsius[751] rolls off his fables?
+
+CARIO. That troops are sent to succour the Egyptians?[752]
+
+CHREMYLUS. And that Laïs is kept by Philonides?[753]
+
+CARIO. That the tower of Timotheus[754] ...
+
+CHREMYLUS. ... (_To Cario._) May it fall upon your head! (_To Plutus._)
+In short, Plutus, 'tis through you that everything is done; be it known
+to you that you are the sole cause both of good and evil.
+
+CARIO. In war, 'tis the flag under which you serve that victory favours.
+
+PLUTUS. What! I can do so many things by myself and unaided?
+
+CHREMYLUS. And many others besides; wherefore men are never tired of your
+gifts. They get weary of all else,--of love ...
+
+CARIO. Of bread.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Of music.
+
+CARIO. Of sweetmeats.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Of honours.
+
+CARIO. Of cakes.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Of battles.
+
+CARIO. Of figs.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Of ambition.
+
+CARIO. Of gruel.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Of military advancement.
+
+CARIO. Of lentils.[755]
+
+CHREMYLUS. But of you they never tire. Has a man got thirteen talents, he
+has all the greater ardour to possess sixteen; is that wish achieved, he
+will want forty or will complain that he knows not how to make the two
+ends meet.
+
+PLUTUS. All this, methinks, is very true; there is but one point that
+makes me feel a bit uneasy.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And that is?
+
+PLUTUS. How could I use this power, which you say I have?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ah! they were quite right who said, there's nothing more
+timorous than Plutus.
+
+PLUTUS. No, no; it was a thief who calumniated me. Having broken into a
+house, he found everything locked up and could take nothing, so he dubbed
+my prudence fear.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Don't be disturbed; if you support me zealously, I'll make you
+more sharp-sighted than Lynceus.[756]
+
+PLUTUS. And how should you be able to do that, you, who are but a mortal?
+
+CHREMYLUS. I have great hope, after the answer Apollo gave me, shaking
+his sacred laurels the while.
+
+PLUTUS. Is _he_ in the plot then?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Aye, truly.
+
+PLUTUS. Take care what you say.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Never fear, friend; for, be well assured, that if it has to
+cost me my life, I will carry out what I have in my head.
+
+CARIO. And I will help you, if you permit it.
+
+CHREMYLUS. We shall have many other helpers as well--all the worthy folk
+who are wanting for bread.
+
+PLUTUS. Ah! ha! they'll prove sorry helpers.
+
+CHREMYLUS. No, not so, once they've grown rich. But you, Cario, run quick
+...
+
+CARIO. Where?
+
+CHREMYLUS. ... to call my comrades, the other husbandmen, that each of
+them may come here to take his share of the gifts of Plutus.
+
+CARIO. I'm off. But let someone come from the house to take this morsel
+of meat.[757]
+
+CHREMYLUS. I'll see to that; you run your hardest. As for you, Plutus,
+the most excellent of all the gods, come in here with me; this is the
+house you must fill with riches today, by fair means or foul.[758]
+
+PLUTUS. I don't like at all going into other folks' houses in this
+manner; I have never got any good from it. If I got inside a miser's
+house, straightway he would bury me deep underground; if some honest
+fellow among his friends came to ask him for the smallest coin, he would
+deny ever having seen me. Then if I went to a fool's house, he would
+sacrifice me as a prey to gaming and to girls, and very soon I should be
+completely stripped and pitched out of doors.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That's because you have never met a man who knew how to avoid
+the two extremes; moderation is the strong point in my character. I love
+saving as much as anybody, and I know how to spend, when 'tis needed. But
+let us go in; I want to make you known to my wife and to my only son,
+whom I love most of all after yourself.
+
+PLUTUS. Aye, after myself, I'm very sure of that.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Why should I hide the truth from you?
+
+CARIO. Come, you active workers, who, like my master, eat nothing but
+garlic and the poorest food, you who are his friends and his neighbours,
+hasten your steps, hurry yourselves; there's not a moment to lose; this
+is the critical hour, when your presence and your support is needed by
+him.
+
+CHORUS. Why, don't you see we are speeding as fast as men can, who are
+already enfeebled by age? But do you deem it fitting to make us run like
+this before ever telling us why your master has called us?
+
+CARIO. I've grown hoarse with the telling, but you won't listen. My
+master is going to drag you all out of the stupid, sapless life you are
+leading and ensure you one full of all delights.
+
+CHORUS. And how is he going to manage that?
+
+CARIO. My poor friends, he has brought with him a disgusting old fellow,
+all bent and wrinkled, with a most pitiful appearance, bald and
+toothless; upon my word, I even believe he is circumcised like some vile
+barbarian.
+
+CHORUS. These are news worth their weight in gold! What are you saying?
+Repeat it to me; no doubt it means he is bringing back a heap of wealth.
+
+CARIO. No, but a heap of all the infirmities attendant on old age.
+
+CHORUS. If you are tricking us, you shall pay us for it. Beware of our
+sticks!
+
+CARIO. Do you deem me so brazen as all that, and my words mere lies?
+
+CHORUS. What serious airs the rascal puts on! Look! his legs are already
+shrieking, "oh! oh!" they are asking for the shackles and wedges.
+
+CARIO. 'Tis in the tomb that 'tis your lot to judge. Why don't you go
+there? Charon has given you your ticket.[759]
+
+CHORUS. Plague take you! you cursed rascal, who rail at us and have not
+even the heart to tell us why your master has made us come. We were
+pressed for time and tired out, yet we came with all haste, and in our
+hurry we have passed by lots of wild onions without even gathering them.
+
+CARIO. I will no longer conceal the truth from you. Friends, 'tis Plutus
+whom my master brings, Plutus, who will give you riches.
+
+CHORUS. What! we shall really all become rich!
+
+CARIO. Aye, certainly; you will then be Midases, provided you grow ass's
+ears.
+
+CHORUS. What joy, what happiness! If what you tell me is true, I long to
+dance with delight.
+
+CARIO. And I too, threttanello![760] I want to imitate Cyclops and lead
+your troop by stamping like this.[761] Do you, my dear little ones, cry,
+aye, cry again and bleat forth the plaintive song of the sheep and of the
+stinking goats; follow me with erected organs like lascivious goats ready
+for action.
+
+CHORUS. As for us, threttanello! we will seek you, dear Cyclops,
+bleating, and if we find you with your wallet full of fresh herbs, all
+disgusting in your filth, sodden with wine and sleeping in the midst of
+your sheep, we will seize a great flaming stake and burn out your
+eye.[762]
+
+CARIO. I will copy that Circé of Corinth,[763] whose potent philtres
+compelled the companions of Philonides to swallow balls of dung, which
+she herself had kneaded with her hands, as if they were swine; and do you
+too grunt with joy and follow your mother, my little pigs.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! Circé[764] with the potent philtres, who besmear your
+companions so filthily, what pleasure I shall have in imitating the son
+of Laertes! I will hang you up by your testicles,[765] I will rub your
+nose with dung like a goat, and like Aristyllus[766] you shall say
+through your half-opened lips, "Follow your mother, my little pigs."
+
+CARIO. Enough of tomfoolery, assume a grave demeanour; unknown to my
+master I am going to take bread and meat; and when I have fed well, I
+shall resume my work.
+
+CHREMYLUS. To say, "Hail! my dear neighbours!" is an old form of greeting
+and well worn with use; so therefore I embrace you, because you have not
+crept like tortoises, but have come rushing here in all haste. Now help
+me to watch carefully and closely over the god.
+
+CHORUS. Be at ease. You shall see with what martial zeal I will guard
+him. What! we jostle each other at the Assembly for three obols, and am I
+going to let Plutus in person be stolen from me?
+
+CHREMYLUS. But I see Blepsidemus; by his bearing and his haste I can
+readily see he knows or suspects something.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. What has happened then? Whence, how has Chremylus suddenly
+grown rich? I don't believe a word of it. Nevertheless, nothing but his
+sudden fortune was being talked about in the barbers' booths. But I am
+above all surprised that his good fortune has not made him forget his
+friends; that is not the usual way!
+
+CHREMYLUS. By the gods, Blepsidemus, I will hide nothing from you. To-day
+things are better than yesterday; let us share, for are you not my
+friend?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Have you really grown rich as they say?
+
+CHREMYLUS I shall be soon, if the god agrees to it. But there is still
+some risk to run.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. What risk?
+
+CHREMYLUS. What risk?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. What do you mean? Explain.
+
+CHREMYLUS. If we succeed, we are happy for ever, but if we fail, it is
+all over with us.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis a bad business, and one that doesn't please me! To grow
+rich all at once and yet to be fearful! ah! I suspect something that's
+little good.
+
+CHREMYLUS. What do you mean, that's little good?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. No doubt you have just stolen some gold and silver from some
+temple and are repenting.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Nay! heaven preserve me from that!
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. A truce to idle phrases!  the thing is only too apparent, my
+friend.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Don't suspect such a thing of me.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Alas! then there is no honest man! not one, that can resist
+the attraction of gold!
+
+CHREMYLUS. By Demeter, you have no common sense.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. To have to persist like this in denial one's whole life
+long!
+
+CHREMYLUS. But, good gods, you are mad, my dear fellow!
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. His very look is distraught; he has done some crime!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ah! I know the tune you are playing now; you think I have
+stolen, and want your share.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. My share of what, pray?
+
+CHREMYLUS. You are beside the mark; the thing is quite otherwise.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis perhaps not a theft, but some piece of knavery!
+
+CHREMYLUS. You are insane!
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. What? You have done no man an injury?
+
+CHREMYLUS. No! assuredly not!
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. But, great gods, what am I to think? You won't tell me the
+truth.
+
+CHREMYLUS. You accuse me without really knowing anything.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Listen, friend, no doubt the matter can yet be hushed up,
+before it gets noised abroad, at trifling expense; I will buy the
+orators' silence.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Aye, you will lay out three minae and, as my friend, you will
+reckon twelve against me.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. I know someone who will come and seat himself at the foot of
+the tribunal, holding a supplicant's bough in his hand and surrounded by
+his wife and children, for all the world like the Heraclidae of
+Pamphilus.[767]
+
+CHREMYLUS. Not at all, poor fool! But, thanks to me, worthy folk,
+intelligent and moderate men alone shall be rich henceforth.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. What are you saying? Have you then stolen so much as all
+that?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh! your insults will be the death of me.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis rather you yourself who are courting death.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Not so, you wretch, since I have Plutus.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. You have Plutus? Which one?
+
+CHREMYLUS. The god himself.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. And where is he?
+
+CHREMYLUS. There.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Where?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Indoors.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Indoors?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Aye, certainly.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Get you gone! Plutus in your house?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yes, by the gods!
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Are you telling me the truth?
+
+CHREMYLUS. I am.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Swear it by Hestia.
+
+CHREMYLUS. I swear it by Posidon.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. The god of the sea?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Aye, and by all the other Posidons, if such there be.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. And you don't send him to us, to your friends?
+
+CHREMYLUS. We've not got to that point yet.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. What do you say? Is there no chance of sharing?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Why, no. We must first ...
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Do what?
+
+CHREMYLUS. ... restore him his sight.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Restore whom his sight? Speak!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Plutus. It must be done, no matter how.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Is he then really blind?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yes, undoubtedly.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. I am no longer surprised he never came to me.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And it please the gods, he'll come there now.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Must we not go and seek a physician?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Seek physicians at Athens? Nay! there's no art where there's
+no fee.[768]
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Let's bethink ourselves well.
+
+CHREMYLUS. There is not one.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis a positive fact, I don't know of one.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But I have thought the matter well over, and the best thing is
+to make Plutus lie in the Temple of Aesculapius.[769]
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Aye, unquestionably 'tis the very best thing. Be quick and
+lead him away to the Temple.
+
+CHREMYLUS. I am going there.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Then hurry yourself.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Tis just what I am doing.
+
+POVERTY. Unwise, perverse, unholy men! What are you daring to do, you
+pitiful, wretched mortals? Whither are you flying? Stop! I command it!
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Oh! great gods!
+
+POVERTY. My arm shall destroy you, you infamous beings! Such an attempt
+is not to be borne; neither man nor god has ever dared the like. You
+shall die!
+
+CHREMYLUS. And who are you?  Oh! what a ghastly pallor!
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. 'Tis perchance some Erinnys, some Fury, from the
+theatre;[770] there's a kind of wild tragedy look in her eyes.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But she has no torch.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Let's knock her down!
+
+POVERTY. Who do you think I am?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Some wine-shop keeper or egg-woman. Otherwise you would not
+have shrieked so loud at us, who have done nothing to you.
+
+POVERTY. Indeed? And have you not done me the most deadly injury by
+seeking to banish me from every country?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Why, have you not got the Barathrum[771] left? But who are
+you? Answer me quickly!
+
+POVERTY. I am one that will punish you this very day for having wanted to
+make me disappear from here.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Might it be the tavern-keeper in my neighbourhood, who is
+always cheating me in measure?
+
+POVERTY. I am Poverty, who have lived with you for so many years.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Oh! great Apollo! oh, ye gods! whither shall I fly?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Now then! what are you doing? You poltroon! Will you kindly
+stop here?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Not I.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Will you have the goodness to stop. Are two men to fly from a
+woman?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. But, you wretch, 'tis Poverty, the most fearful monster that
+ever drew breath.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Stay where you are, I beg of you.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. No! no! a thousand times, no!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Could we do anything worse than leave the god in the lurch and
+fly before this woman without so much as ever offering to fight?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. But what weapons have we? Are we in a condition to show
+fight? Where is the breastplate, the buckler, that this wretch has not
+pledged?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Be at ease. Plutus will readily triumph over her threats
+unaided.
+
+POVERTY. Dare you reply, you scoundrels, you who are caught red-handed at
+the most horrible crime?
+
+CHREMYLUS. As for you, you cursed jade, you pursue me with your abuse,
+though I have never done you the slightest harm.
+
+POVERTY. Do you think it is doing me no harm to restore Plutus to the use
+of his eyes?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Is this doing you harm, that we shower blessings on all men?
+
+POVERTY. And what do you think will ensure their happiness?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ah! first of all we shall drive you out of Greece.
+
+POVERTY. Drive me out? Could you do mankind a greater harm?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yes--if I gave up my intention to deliver them from you.
+
+POVERTY. Well, let us discuss this point first. I propose to show that I
+am the sole cause of all your blessings, and that your safety depends on
+me alone. If I don't succeed, then do what you like to me.
+
+CHREMYLUS. How dare you talk like this, you impudent hussy?
+
+POVERTY. Agree to hear me and I think it will be very easy for me to
+prove that you are entirely on the wrong road, when you want to make the
+just men wealthy.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Oh! cudgel and rope's end, come to my help!
+
+POVERTY. Why such wrath and these shouts, before you hear my arguments?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. But who could listen to such words without exclaiming?
+
+POVERTY. Any man of sense.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But if you lose your case, what punishment will you submit to?
+
+POVERTY. Choose what you will.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That's all right.
+
+POVERTY. You shall suffer the same if you are beaten!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Do you think twenty deaths a sufficiently large stake?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Good enough for her, but for us two would suffice.
+
+POVERTY. You won't escape, for is there indeed a single valid argument to
+oppose me with?
+
+CHORUS. To beat her in this debate, you must call upon all your wits.
+Make no allowances and show no weakness!
+
+CHREMYLUS. It is right that the good should be happy, that the wicked and
+the impious, on the other hand, should be miserable; that is a truth, I
+believe, which no one will gainsay. To realize this condition of things
+is as great a proposal as it is noble and useful in every respect, and we
+have found a means of attaining the object of our wishes. If Plutus
+recovers his sight and ceases from wandering about unseeing and at
+random, he will go to seek the just men and never leave them again; he
+will shun the perverse and ungodly; so, thanks to him, all men will
+become honest, rich and pious. Can anything better be conceived for the
+public weal?
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Of a certainty, no! I bear witness to that. It is not even
+necessary she should reply.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Does it not seem that everything is extravagance in the world,
+or rather madness, when you watch the way things go? A crowd of rogues
+enjoy blessings they have won by sheer injustice, while more honest folks
+are miserable, die of hunger, and spend their whole lives with you.
+
+CHORUS. Yes, if Plutus became clear-sighted again and drove out Poverty,
+'twould be the greatest blessing possible for the human race.
+
+POVERTY. Here are two old men, whose brains are easy to confuse, who
+assist each other to talk rubbish and drivel to their hearts' content.
+But if your wishes were realized, your profit would be great! Let Plutus
+recover his sight and divide his favours out equally to all, and none
+will ply either trade or art any longer; all toil would be done away
+with. Who would wish to hammer iron, build ships, sew, turn, cut up
+leather, bake bricks, bleach linen, tan hides, or break up the soil of
+the earth with the plough and garner the gifts of Demeter, if he could
+live in idleness and free from all this work?
+
+CHREMYLUS. What nonsense all this is! All these trades which you just
+mention will be plied by our slaves.
+
+POVERTY. Your slaves! And by what means will these slaves be got?
+
+CHREMYLUS. We will buy them.
+
+POVERTY. But first say, who will sell them, if everyone is rich?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Some greedy dealer from Thessaly--the land which supplies so
+many.
+
+POVERTY. But if your system is applied, there won't be a single
+slave-dealer left. What rich man would risk his life to devote himself to
+this traffic? You will have to toil, to dig and submit yourself to all
+kinds of hard labour; so that your life would be more wretched even than
+it is now.
+
+CHREMYLUS. May this prediction fall upon yourself!
+
+POVERTY. You will not be able to sleep in a bed, for no more will ever be
+manufactured; nor on carpets, for who would weave them if he had gold?
+When you bring a young bride to your dwelling, you will have no essences
+wherewith to perfume her, nor rich embroidered cloaks dyed with dazzling
+colours in which to clothe her. And yet what is the use of being rich, if
+you are to be deprived of all these enjoyments? On the other hand, you
+have all that you need in abundance, thanks to me; to the artisan I am
+like a severe mistress, who forces him by need and poverty to seek the
+means of earning his livelihood.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And what good thing can you give us, unless it be burns in the
+bath,[772] and swarms of brats and old women who cry with hunger, and
+clouds uncountable of lice, gnats and flies, which hover about the
+wretch's head, trouble him, awake him and say, "You will be hungry, but
+get up!" Besides, to possess a rag in place of a mantle, a pallet of
+rushes swarming with bugs, that do not let you close your eyes for a bed;
+a rotten piece of matting for a coverlet; a big stone for a pillow, on
+which to lay your head; to eat mallow roots instead of bread, and leaves
+of withered radish instead of cake; to have nothing but the cover of a
+broken jug for a stool, the stave of a cask, and broken at that, for a
+kneading-trough, that is the life you make for us! Are these the mighty
+benefits with which you pretend to load mankind?
+
+POVERTY. 'Tis not my life that you describe; you are attacking the
+existence beggars lead.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Is beggary not Poverty's sister?
+
+POVERTY. Thrasybulus and Dionysius[773] are one and the same according to
+you. No, my life is not like that and never will be. The beggar, whom you
+have depicted to us, never possesses anything. The poor man lives
+thriftily and attentive to his work; he has not got too much, but he does
+not lack what he really needs.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh! what a happy life, by Demeter! to live sparingly, to toil
+incessantly and not to leave enough to pay for a tomb!
+
+POVERTY. That's it! Jest, jeer, and never talk seriously! But what you
+don't know is this, that men with me are worth more, both in mind and
+body, than with Plutus. With him they are gouty, big-bellied, heavy of
+limb and scandalously stout; with me they are thin, wasp-waisted, and
+terrible to the foe.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Tis no doubt by starving them that you give them that waspish
+waist.
+
+POVERTY. As for behaviour, I will prove to you that modesty dwells with
+me and insolence with Plutus.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh! the sweet modesty of stealing and breaking through
+walls.[774]
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Aye, the thief is truly modest, for he hides himself.
+
+POVERTY. Look at the orators in our republics; as long as they are poor,
+both State and people can only praise their uprightness; but once they
+are fattened on the public funds, they conceive a hatred for justice,
+plan intrigues against the people and attack the democracy.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That is absolutely true, although your tongue is very vile.
+But it matters not, so don't put on those triumphant airs; you shall not
+be punished any the less for having tried to persuade me that poverty is
+worth more than wealth.
+
+POVERTY. Not being able to refute my arguments, you chatter at random and
+exert yourself to no purpose.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Then tell me this, why does all mankind flee from you?
+
+POVERTY. Because I make them better. Children do the very same; they flee
+from the wise counsels of their fathers. So difficult is it to see one's
+true interest.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Will you say that Zeus cannot discern what is best? Well, he
+takes Plutus to himself ...
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. ... and banishes Poverty to earth.
+
+POVERTY. Ah me! how purblind you are, you old fellows of the days of
+Saturn! Why, Zeus is poor, and I will clearly prove it to you. In the
+Olympic games, which he founded, and to which he convokes the whole of
+Greece every four years, why does he only crown the victorious athletes
+with wild olive? If he were rich he would give them gold.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Tis in that way he shows that he clings to his wealth; he is
+sparing with it, won't part with any portion of it, only bestows baubles
+on the victors and keeps his money for himself.
+
+POVERTY. But wealth coupled to such sordid greed is yet more shameful
+than poverty.
+
+CHREMYLUS. May Zeus destroy you, both you and your chaplet of wild olive!
+
+POVERTY. Thus you dare to maintain that poverty is not the fount of all
+blessings!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ask Hecaté[775] whether it is better to be rich or starving;
+she will tell you that the rich send her a meal every month and that the
+poor make it disappear before it is even served. But go and hang yourself
+and don't breathe another syllable. I will not be convinced against my
+will.
+
+POVERTY. "Oh! citizens of Argos! do you hear what he says?"[776]
+
+CHREMYLUS. Invoke Pauson, your boon companion, rather.[777]
+
+POVERTY. Alas! what is to become of me?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Get you gone, be off quick and a pleasant journey to you.
+
+POVERTY. But where shall I go?
+
+CHREMYLUS. To gaol; but hurry up, let us put an end to this.
+
+POVERTY. One day you will recall me.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Then you can return; but disappear for the present. I prefer
+to be rich; you are free to knock your head against the walls in your
+rage.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. And I too welcome wealth. I want, when I leave the bath all
+perfumed with essences, to feast bravely with my wife and children and to
+break wind in the faces of toilers and Poverty.
+
+CHREMYLUS. So that hussy has gone at last! But let us make haste to put
+Plutus to bed in the Temple of Aesculapius.
+
+BLEPSIDEMUS. Let us make haste; else some bothering fellow may again come
+to interrupt us.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Cario, bring the coverlets and all that I have got ready from
+the house; let us conduct the god to the Temple, taking care to observe
+all the proper rites.
+
+CHORUS. [_Missing._][778]
+
+CARIO. Oh! you old fellows, who used to dip out the broth served to the
+poor at the festival of Theseus with little pieces of bread[779] hollowed
+like a spoon, how worthy of envy is your fate! How happy you are, both
+you and all just men!
+
+CHORUS. My good fellow, what has happened to your friends? You seem the
+bearer of good tidings.
+
+CARIO. What joy for my master and even more for Plutus! The god has
+regained his sight; his eyes sparkle with the greatest brilliancy, thanks
+to the benevolent care of Aesculapius.
+
+CHORUS. Oh! what transports of joy! oh! What shouts of gladness!
+
+CARIO. Aye! one is compelled to rejoice, whether one will or not.
+
+CHORUS. I will sing to the honour of Aesculapius, the son of illustrious
+Zeus, with a resounding voice; he is the beneficent star which men adore.
+
+CHREMYLUS' WIFE. What mean these shouts? Is there good news. With what
+impatience have I been waiting in the house, and for so long too!
+
+CARIO. Quick! quick! some wine, mistress. And drink yourself, for 'tis
+much to your taste; I bring you all blessings in a lump.
+
+WIFE. Where are they?
+
+CARIO. In my words, as you are going to see.
+
+WIFE. Have done with trifling! come, speak.
+
+CARIO. Listen, I am going to tell you everything from the feet to the
+head.
+
+WIFE. Ah! don't throw anything at my head.
+
+CARIO. Not even the happiness that has come to you?
+
+WIFE. No, no, nothing ... to annoy me.
+
+CARIO. Having arrived near to the Temple with our patient, then so
+unfortunate, but now at the apex of happiness, of blessedness, we first
+led him down to the sea to purify him.
+
+WIFE. Ah! what a singular pleasure for an old man to bathe in the cold
+sea-water!
+
+CARIO. Then we repaired to the Temple of the god. Once the wafers and the
+various offerings had been consecrated upon the altar, and the cake of
+wheaten-meal had been handed over to the devouring Hephaestus, we made
+Plutus lie on a couch according to the rite, and each of us prepared
+himself a bed of leaves.
+
+WIFE. Had any other folk come to beseech the deity?
+
+CARIO. Yes. Firstly, Neoclides,[780] who is blind, but steals much better
+than those who see clearly; then many others attacked by complaints of
+all kinds. The lights were put out and the priest enjoined us to sleep,
+especially recommending us to keep silent should we hear any noise. There
+we were all lying down quite quietly. I could not sleep; I was thinking
+of a certain stew-pan full of pap placed close to an old woman and just
+behind her head. I had a furious longing to slip towards that side. But
+just as I was lifting my head, I noticed the priest, who was sweeping off
+both the cakes and the figs on the sacred table; then he made the round
+of the altars and sanctified the cakes that remained, by stowing them
+away in a bag. I therefore resolved to follow such a pious example and
+made straight for the pap.
+
+WIFE. You wretch! and had you no fear of the god?
+
+CARIO. Aye, indeed! I feared that the god with his crown on his head
+might have been near the stew-pan before me. I said to myself, "Like
+priest, like god." On hearing the noise I made, the old woman put out her
+hand, but I hissed and bit it, just as a sacred serpent might have
+done.[781] Quick she drew back her hand, slipped down into the bed with
+her head beneath the coverlets and never moved again; only she let go
+some wind in her fear which stunk worse than a weasel. As for myself, I
+swallowed a goodly portion of the pap and, having made a good feed, went
+back to bed.
+
+WIFE. And did not the god come?
+
+CAIRO. He did not tarry; and when he was near us, oh! dear! such a good
+joke happened. My belly was quite blown out, and I let wind with the
+loudest of noises.
+
+WIFE. Doubtless the god pulled a wry face?
+
+CARIO. No, but Iaso blushed a little and Panacea[782] turned her head
+away, holding her nose; for my perfume is not that of roses.
+
+WIFE. And what did the god do?
+
+CARIO. He paid not the slightest heed.
+
+WIFE. He must then be a pretty coarse kind of god?
+
+CARIO. I don't say that, but he's used to tasting shit.[783]
+
+WIFE. Impudent knave, go on with you!
+
+CARIO. Then I hid myself in my bed all a-tremble. Aesculapius did the
+round of the patients and examined them all with great attention; then a
+slave placed beside him a stone mortar, a pestle and a little box.[784]
+
+WIFE. Of stone?
+
+CARIO. No, not of stone.
+
+WIFE. But how could you see all this, you arch-rascal, when you say you
+were hiding all the time?
+
+CARIO. Why, great gods, through my cloak, for 'tis not without holes! He
+first prepared an ointment for Neoclides; he threw three heads of
+Tenian[785] garlic into the mortar, pounded them with an admixture of
+fig-tree sap and lentisk, moistened the whole with Sphettian[786]
+vinegar, and, turning back the patient's eyelids, applied his salve to
+the interior of the eyes, so that the pain might be more excruciating.
+Neoclides shrieked, howled, sprang towards the foot of his bed and wanted
+to bolt, but the god laughed and said to him, "Keep where you are with
+your salve; by doing this you will not go and perjure yourself before the
+Assembly."
+
+WIFE. What a wise god and what a friend to our city!
+
+CARIO. Thereupon he came and seated himself at the head of Plutus' bed,
+took a perfectly clean rag and wiped his eye-lids; Panacea covered his
+head and face with a purple cloth, while the god whistled, and two
+enormous snakes came rushing from the sanctuary.
+
+WIFE. Great gods!
+
+CARIO. They slipped gently beneath the purple cloth and, as far as I
+could judge, licked the patient's eyelids; for, in less time than even
+you need, mistress, to drain down ten beakers of wine, Plutus rose up; he
+could see. I clapped my hands with joy and awoke my master, and the god
+immediately disappeared with the serpents into the sanctuary. As for
+those who were lying near Plutus, you can imagine that they embraced him
+tenderly. Dawn broke and not one of them had closed an eye. As for
+myself, I did not cease thanking the god who had so quickly restored to
+Plutus his sight and had made Neoclides blinder than ever.
+
+WIFE. Oh! thou great Aesculapius! How mighty is thy power! (_To Cario._)
+But tell me, where is Plutus now?
+
+CARIO. He is approaching, escorted by an immense crowd. The rich, whose
+wealth is ill-gotten, are knitting their brows and shooting at him looks
+of fierce hate, while the just folk, who led a wretched existence,
+embrace him and grasp his hand in the transport of their joy; they follow
+in his wake, their heads wreathed with garlands, laughing and blessing
+their deliverer; the old men make the earth resound as they walk together
+keeping time. Come, all of you, all, down to the very least, dance, leap
+and form yourselves into a chorus; no longer do you risk being told, when
+you go home, "There is no meal in the bag."
+
+WIFE. And I, by Hecate! I will string you a garland of cakes for the good
+tidings you have brought me.
+
+CARIO. Hurry, make haste then; our friends are close at hand.
+
+WIFE. I will go indoors to fetch some gifts of welcome, to celebrate
+these eyes that have just been opened.
+
+CARIO. Meantime I am going forth to meet them.
+
+CHORUS. [_Missing._]
+
+PLUTUS. I adore thee, oh! thou divine sun, and thee I greet thou city,
+the beloved of Pallas; be welcome, thou land of Cecrops, which hast
+received me. Alas! what manner of men I associated with! I blush to think
+of it. While, on the other hand, I shunned those who deserved my
+friendship; I knew neither the vices of the ones nor the virtues of the
+others. A twofold mistake, and in both cases equally fatal! Ah! what a
+misfortune was mine! But I want to change everything; and in future I
+mean to prove to mankind that, if I gave to the wicked, 'twas against my
+will.
+
+CHREMYLUS (_to the crowd who impede him_). Get you gone! Oh! what a lot
+of friends spring into being when you are fortunate! They dig me with
+their elbows and bruise my shins to prove their affection. Each one wants
+to greet me. What a crowd of old fellows thronged round me on the
+market-place!
+
+WIFE. Oh! thou, who art dearest of all to me, and thou too, be welcome!
+Allow me, Plutus, to shower these gifts of welcome over you in due accord
+with custom.
+
+PLUTUS. No. This is the first house I enter after having regained my
+sight; I shall take nothing from it, for 'tis my place rather to give.
+
+WIFE. Do you refuse these gifts?
+
+PLUTUS. I will accept them at your fireside, as custom requires. Besides,
+we shall thus avoid a ridiculous scene; it is not meet that the poet
+should throw dried figs and dainties to the spectators; 'tis a vulgar
+trick to make 'em laugh.
+
+WIFE. You are right. Look! yonder's Dexinicus, who was already getting to
+his feet to catch the figs as they flew past him.[787]
+
+CHORUS. [_Missing_.]
+
+CARIO. How pleasant it is, friends, to live well, especially when it
+costs nothing! What a deluge of blessings flood our household, and that
+too without our having wronged ever a soul! Ah! what a delightful thing
+is wealth! The bin is full of white flour and the wine-jars run over with
+fragrant liquor; all the chests are crammed with gold and silver, 'tis a
+sight to see; the tank is full of oil,[788] the phials with perfumes, and
+the garret with dried figs. Vinegar flasks, plates, stew-pots and all the
+platters are of brass; our rotten old wooden trenchers for the fish have
+to-day become dishes of silver; the very night-commode is of ivory. We
+others, the slaves, we play at odd and even with gold pieces, and carry
+luxury so far that we no longer wipe ourselves with stones, but use
+garlic stalks instead. My master, at this moment, is crowned with flowers
+and sacrificing a pig, a goat and a ram;[789] 'tis the smoke that has
+driven me out, for I could no longer endure it, it hurt my eyes so.
+
+A JUST MAN. Come, my child, come with me. Let us go and find the god.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Who comes here?
+
+JUST MAN. A man who was once wretched, but now is happy.
+
+CHREMYLUS. A just man then?
+
+JUST MAN. You have it.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Well! what do you want?
+
+JUST MAN. I come to thank the god for all the blessings he has showered
+on me. My father had left me a fairly decent fortune, and I helped those
+of my friends who were in want; 'twas, to my thinking, the most useful
+thing I could do with my fortune.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And you were quickly ruined?
+
+JUST MAN. Entirely.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Since then you have been living in misery?
+
+JUST MAN. In truth I have; I thought I could count, in case of need, upon
+the friends whose property I had helped, but they turned their backs upon
+me and pretended not to see me.
+
+CHREMYLUS. They laughed at you, 'tis evident.
+
+JUST MAN. Just so. With my empty coffers, I had no more friends.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But your lot has changed.
+
+JUST MAN. Yes, and so I come to the god to make him the acts of gratitude
+that are his due.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But with what object now do you bring this old cloak, which
+your slave is carrying? Tell me.
+
+JUST MAN. I wish to dedicate it to the god.[790]
+
+CHREMYLUS. Were you initiated into the Great Mysteries in that
+cloak?[791]
+
+JUST MAN. No, but I shivered in it for thirteen years.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And this footwear?
+
+JUST MAN. These also are my winter companions.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And you wish to dedicate them too?
+
+JUST MAN. Unquestionably.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Fine presents to offer to the god!
+
+AN INFORMER. Alas! alas! I am a lost man. Ah! thrice, four, five, twelve
+times, or rather ten thousand times unhappy fate! Why, why must fortune
+deal me such rough blows?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh, Apollo, my tutelary! oh! ye favourable gods! what has
+overtaken this man?
+
+INFORMER. Ah! am I not deserving of pity? I have lost everything; this
+cursed god has stripped me bare. Ah! if there be justice in heaven, he
+shall be struck blind again.
+
+JUST MAN. Methinks I know what's the matter. If this man is unfortunate,
+'tis because he's of little account and small honesty; and i' faith he
+looks it too.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Then, by Zeus! his plight is but just.
+
+INFORMER. He promised that if he recovered his sight, he would enrich us
+all unaided; whereas he has ruined more than one.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But whom has he thus ill-used?
+
+INFORMER. Me.
+
+CHREMYLUS. You were doubtless a villainous thief then.
+
+INFORMER (_to Chremylus and Cario_). 'Tis rather you yourselves who were
+such wretches; I am certain you have got my money.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ha! by Demeter! 'tis an informer. What impudence!
+
+CARIO. He's ravenously hungry, that's certain.
+
+INFORMER. You shall follow me this very instant to the marketplace, where
+the torture of the wheel shall force the confession of your misdeeds from
+you.
+
+CARIO. Ha! look out for yourself!
+
+JUST MAN. By Zeus the Deliverer, what gratitude all Greeks owe to Plutus,
+if he destroys these vile informers!
+
+INFORMER. You are laughing at me. Ho! ho! I denounce you as their
+accomplice. Where did you steal that new cloak from? Yesterday I saw you
+with one utterly worn out.
+
+JUST MAN. I fear you not, thanks to this ring, for which I paid
+Eudemus[792] a drachma.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ah! there's no ring to preserve you from the informer's bite.
+
+INFORMER. The insolent wretches! But, my fine jokers, you have not told
+me what you are up to here. Nothing good, I'll be bound.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Nothing of any good for you, be sure of that.
+
+INFORMER. By Zeus!  you're going to dine at my expense!
+
+CHREMYLUS. You vile impostor, may you burst with an empty belly, both you
+and your witness.
+
+INFORMER. You deny it? I reckon, you villians, that there is much salt
+fish and roast meat in this house. Hu! hu! hu! hu! hu! hu! (_He sniffs._)
+
+CHREMYLUS. Can you smell anything, rascal?
+
+INFORMER. Can such outrages be borne, oh, Zeus! Ye gods! how cruel it is
+to see me treated thus, when I am such an honest fellow and such a good
+citizen!
+
+CHREMYLUS. You an honest man! you a good citizen!
+
+INFORMER. A better one than any.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ah! well then, answer my questions.
+
+INFORMER. Concerning what?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Are you a husbandman?
+
+INFORMER. D'ye take me for a fool?
+
+CHREMYLUS. A merchant?
+
+INFORMER. I assume the title, when it serves me.[793]
+
+CHREMYLUS. Do you ply any trade?
+
+INFORMER. No, most assuredly not!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Then how do you live, if you do nothing?
+
+INFORMER. I superintend public and private business.
+
+CHREMYLUS. You! And by what right, pray?
+
+INFORMER. Because it pleases me to do so.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Like a thief you sneak yourself in where you have no business.
+You are hated by all and you claim to be an honest man?
+
+INFORMER. What, you fool? I have not the right to dedicate myself
+entirely to my country's service?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Is the country served by vile intrigue?
+
+INFORMER. It is served by watching that the established law is
+observed--by allowing no one to violate it.
+
+CHREMYLUS. That's the duty of the tribunals; they are established to that
+end.
+
+INFORMER. And who is the prosecutor before the dicasts?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Whoever wishes to be.[794]
+
+INFORMER. Well then, 'tis I who choose to be prosecutor; and thus all
+public affairs fall within my province.
+
+CHREMYLUS. I pity Athens for being in such vile clutches. But would you
+not prefer to live quietly and free from all care and anxiety?
+
+INFORMER. To do nothing is to live an animal's life.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Thus you will not change your mode of life?
+
+INFORMER. No, though they gave me Plutus himself and the _silphium_ of
+Battus.[795]
+
+CHREMYLUS (_to the Informer_). Come, quick, off with your cloak.
+
+CARIO. Hi! friend! 'tis you they are speaking to.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Off with your shoes.
+
+CARIO. All this is addressed to you.
+
+INFORMER. Very well! let one of you come near me, if he dares.
+
+CARIO. I dare.
+
+INFORMER. Alas!  I am robbed of my clothes in full daylight.
+
+CARIO. That's what comes of meddling with other folk's business and
+living at their expense.
+
+INFORMER (_to his witness_). You see what is happening; I call you to
+witness.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Look how the witness whom you brought is taking to his heels.
+
+INFORMER. Great gods! I am all alone and they assault me.
+
+CARIO. Shout away!
+
+INFORMER. Oh! woe, woe is me!
+
+CARIO. Give me that old ragged cloak, that I may dress out the informer.
+
+JUST MAN. No, no; I have dedicated it to Plutus.
+
+CARIO. And where would your offering be better bestowed than on the
+shoulders of a rascal and a thief? To Plutus fine, rich cloaks should be
+given.
+
+JUST MAN. And what then shall be done with these shoes? Tell me.
+
+CARIO. I will nail them to his brow as gifts are nailed to the trunks of
+the wild olive.
+
+INFORMER. I'm off, for you are the strongest, I own. But if I find
+someone to join me, let him be as weak as he will, I will summon this
+god, who thinks himself so strong, before the Court this very day, and
+denounce him as manifestly guilty of overturning the democracy by his
+will alone and without the consent of the Senate or the popular Assembly.
+
+JUST MAN. Now that you are rigged out from head to foot with my old
+clothes, hasten to the bath and stand there in the front row to warm
+yourself better; 'tis the place I formerly had.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ah! the bath-man would grip you by the testicles and fling you
+through the door; he would only need to see you to appraise you at your
+true value.... But let us go in, friend, that you may address your
+thanksgivings to the god.
+
+CHORUS. [_Missing._]
+
+AN OLD WOMAN. Dear old men, am I near the house where the new god lives,
+or have I missed the road?
+
+CHORUS. You are at his door, my pretty little maid, who question us so
+sweetly.[796]
+
+OLD WOMAN. Then I will summon someone in the house.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Tis needless! I am here myself. But what matter brings you
+here?
+
+OLD WOMAN. Ah! a cruel, unjust fate! My dear friend, this god has made
+life unbearable to me through ceasing to be blind.
+
+CHREMYLUS. What does this mean? Can you be a female informer?
+
+OLD WOMAN. Most certainly not.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Have you not drunk up your money then?
+
+OLD WOMAN. You are mocking me! Nay! I am being devoured with a consuming
+fire.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Then tell me what is consuming you so fiercely.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Listen! I loved a young man, who was poor, but so handsome, so
+well-built, so honest! He readily gave way to all I desired and acquitted
+himself so well! I, for my part, refused him nothing.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And what did he generally ask of you.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Very little; he bore himself towards me with astonishing
+discretion! perchance twenty drachmae for a cloak or eight for footwear;
+sometimes he begged me to buy tunics for his sisters or a little mantle
+for his mother; at times he needed four bushels of corn.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Twas very little, in truth; I admire his modesty.
+
+OLD WOMAN. And 'twas not as a reward for his complacency that he ever
+asked me for anything, but as a matter of pure friendship; a cloak I had
+given would remind him from whom he had got it.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Twas a fellow who loved you madly.
+
+OLD WOMAN. But 'tis no longer so, for the faithless wretch has sadly
+altered! I had sent him this cake with the sweetmeats you see here on
+this dish and let him know that I would visit him in the evening....
+
+CHREMYLUS. Well?
+
+OLD WOMAN. He sent me back my presents and added this tart to them, on
+condition that I never set foot in his house again. Besides, he sent me
+this message, "Once upon a time the Milesians were brave."[797]
+
+CHREMYLUS. An honest lad, indeed! But what would you? When poor, he would
+devour anything; now he is rich, he no longer cares for lentils.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Formerly he came to me every day.
+
+CHREMYLUS. To see if you were being buried?
+
+OLD WOMAN. No! he longed to hear the sound of my voice.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And to carry off some present.
+
+OLD WOMAN. If I was downcast, he would call me his little duck or his
+little dove in a most tender manner....
+
+CHREMYLUS. And then would ask for the wherewithal to buy a pair of shoes.
+
+OLD WOMAN. When I was at the Mysteries of Eleusis in a carriage,[798]
+someone looked at me; he was so jealous that he beat me the whole of that
+day.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Twas because he liked to feed alone.
+
+OLD WOMAN. He told me I had very beautiful hands.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Aye, no doubt, when they handed him twenty drachmae.
+
+OLD WOMAN. That my whole body breathed a sweet perfume.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yes, like enough, if you poured him out Thasian wine.
+
+OLD WOMAN. That my glance was gentle and charming.
+
+CHREMYLUS. 'Twas no fool. He knew how to drag drachmae from a hot-blooded
+old woman.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Ah! the god has done very, very wrong, saying he would support
+the victims of injustice.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Well, what must he do? Speak, and it shall be done.
+
+OLD WOMAN. 'Tis right to compel him, whom I have loaded with benefits, to
+repay them in his turn; if not, he does not merit the least of the god's
+favours.
+
+CHREMYLUS. And did he not do this every night?
+
+OLD WOMAN. He swore he would never leave me, as long as I lived.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Aye, rightly; but he thinks you are no longer alive.[799]
+
+OLD WOMAN. Ah! friend, I am pining away with grief.
+
+CHREMYLUS. You are rotting away, it seems to me.
+
+OLD WOMAN. I have grown so thin, I could slip through a ring.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yes, if 'twere as large as the hoop of a sieve.
+
+OLD WOMAN. But here is the youth, the cause of my complaint; he looks as
+though he were going to a festival.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yes, if his chaplet and his torch are any guides.
+
+YOUTH. Greeting to you.
+
+OLD WOMAN. What does he say?
+
+YOUTH. My ancient old dear, you have grown white very quickly, by heaven!
+
+OLD WOMAN. Oh! what an insult!
+
+CHREMYLUS. It is a long time, then, since he saw you?
+
+OLD WOMAN. A long time? My god! he was with me yesterday.
+
+CHREMYLUS. It must be, then, that, unlike other people, he sees more
+clearly when he's drunk.
+
+OLD WOMAN. No, but I have always known him for an insolent fellow.
+
+YOUTH. Oh! divine Posidon! Oh, ye gods of old age! what wrinkles she has
+on her face!
+
+OLD WOMAN. Oh! oh! keep your distance with that torch.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yes, 'twould be as well; if a single spark were to reach her,
+she would catch alight like an old olive branch.
+
+YOUTH. I propose to have a game with you.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Where, naughty boy?
+
+YOUTH. Here. Take some nuts in your hand.
+
+OLD WOMAN. What game is this?
+
+YOUTH. Let's play at guessing how many teeth you have.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Ah! I'll tell you; she's got three, or perhaps four.
+
+YOUTH. Pay up; you've lost! she has only one single grinder.
+
+OLD WOMAN. You wretch! you're not in your right senses. Do you insult me
+thus before this crowd?
+
+YOUTH. I am washing you thoroughly; 'tis doing you a service.
+
+CHREMYLUS. No, no! as she is there, she can still deceive; but if this
+white-lead is washed off, her wrinkles would come out plainly.
+
+OLD WOMAN. You are only an old fool!
+
+YOUTH. Ah! he is playing the gallant, he is fondling your breasts, and
+thinks I do not see it.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Oh! no, by Aphrodité, no, you naughty jealous fellow.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Oh! most certainly not, by Hecaté![800] Verily and indeed I
+would need to be mad! But, young man, I cannot forgive you, if you cast
+off this beautiful child.
+
+YOUTH. Why, I adore her.
+
+CHREMYLUS. But nevertheless she accuses you ...
+
+YOUTH. Accuses me of what?
+
+CHREMYLUS. ... of having told her insolently, "Once upon a time the
+Milesians were brave."
+
+YOUTH. Oh! I shall not dispute with you about her.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Why not?
+
+YOUTH. Out of respect for your age; with anyone but you, I should not be
+so easy; come, take the girl and be happy.
+
+CHREMYLUS. I see, I see; you don't want her any more.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Nay! this is a thing that cannot be allowed.
+
+YOUTH. I cannot argue with a woman, who has been making love these
+thirteen thousand years.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Yet, since you liked the wine, you should now consume the
+lees.
+
+YOUTH. But these lees are quite rancid and fusty.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Pass them through a straining-cloth; they'll clarify.
+
+YOUTH. But I want to go in with you to offer these chaplets to the god.
+
+OLD WOMAN. And I too have something to tell him.
+
+YOUTH. Then I don't enter.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Come, have no fear; she won't harm you.
+
+YOUTH. 'Tis true; I've been managing the old bark long enough.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Go in; I'll follow after you.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Good gods! that old hag has fastened herself to her youth like
+a limpet to its rock.
+
+CHORUS. [_Missing._]
+
+CARIO (_opening the door_). Who knocks at the door? Halloa! I see no one;
+'twas then by chance it gave forth that plaintive tone.
+
+HERMES (_to Carlo, who is about to close the door_). Cario! stop!
+
+CARIO. Eh! friend, was it you who knocked so loudly? Tell me.
+
+HERMES. No, I was going to knock and you forestalled me by opening. Come,
+call your master quick, then his wife and his children, then his slave
+and his dog, then thyself and his pig.
+
+CARIO. And what's it all about?
+
+HERMES. It's about this, rascal! Zeus wants to serve you all with the
+same sauce and hurl the lot of you into the Barathrum.
+
+CARIO. Have a care for your tongue, you bearer of ill tidings! But why
+does he want to treat us in that scurvy fashion?
+
+HERMES. Because you have committed the most dreadful crime. Since Plutus
+has recovered his sight, there is nothing for us other gods, neither
+incense, nor laurels, nor cakes, nor victims, nor anything in the world.
+
+CARIO. And you will never be offered anything more; you governed us too
+ill.
+
+HERMES. I care nothing at all about the other gods, but 'tis myself. I
+tell you I am dying of hunger.
+
+CARIO. That's reasoning like a wise fellow.
+
+HERMES. Formerly, from earliest dawn, I was offered all sorts of good
+things in the wine-shops,--wine-cakes, honey, dried figs, in short,
+dishes worthy of Hermes. Now, I lie the livelong day on my back, with my
+legs in the air, famishing.
+
+CARIO. And quite right too, for you often had them punished who treated
+you so well.[801]
+
+HERMES. Ah! the lovely cake they used to knead for me on the fourth of
+the month![802]
+
+CARIO. You recall it vainly; your regrets are useless! there'll be no
+more cake.
+
+HERMES. Ah! the ham I was wont to devour!
+
+CARIO. Well then! make use of your legs and hop on one leg upon the
+wine-skin,[803] to while away the time.
+
+HERMES. Oh! the grilled entrails I used to swallow down!
+
+CARIO. Your own have got the colic, methinks.
+
+HERMES. Oh! the delicious tipple, half wine, half water!
+
+CARIO. Here, swallow that and be off. (_He discharges a fart._)
+
+HERMES. Would you do a friend a service?
+
+CARIO. Willingly, if I can.
+
+HERMES. Give me some well-baked bread and a big hunk of the victims they
+are sacrificing in your house.
+
+CARIO. That would be stealing.
+
+HERMES. Do you forget, then, how I used to take care he knew nothing
+about it when you were stealing something from your master?
+
+CARIO. Because I used to share it with you, you rogue; some cake or other
+always came your way.
+
+HERMES. Which afterwards you ate up all by yourself.[804]
+
+CARIO. But then you did not share the blows when I was caught.
+
+HERMES. Forget past injuries, now you have taken Phylé.[805] Ah! how I
+should like to live with you! Take pity and receive me.
+
+CARIO. You would leave the gods to stop here?
+
+HERMES. One is much better off among you.
+
+CARIO. What! you would desert! Do you think that is honest?
+
+HERMES. "Where I live well, there is my country."[806]
+
+CARIO. But how could we employ you here?
+
+HERMES. Place me near the door; I am the watchman god and would shift off
+the robbers.
+
+CARIO. Shift off! Ah! but we have no love for shifts.
+
+HERMES. Entrust me with business dealings.
+
+CARIO. But we are rich; why should we keep a haggling Hermes?
+
+HERMES. Let me intrigue for you.[807]
+
+CARIO. No, no, intrigues are forbidden; we believe in good faith.
+
+HERMES. I will work for you as a guide.
+
+CARIO. But the god sees clearly now, so we no longer want a guide.
+
+HERMES. Well then, I will preside over the games. Ah! what can you object
+to in that? Nothing is fitter for Plutus than to give scenic and
+gymnastic games.[808]
+
+CARIO. How useful 'tis to have so many names! Here you have found the
+means of earning your bread. I don't wonder the jurymen so eagerly try to
+get entered for many tribunals.[809]
+
+HERMES. So then, you admit me on these terms.
+
+CARIO. Go and wash the entrails of the victims at the well, so that you
+may show yourself serviceable at once.
+
+A PRIEST OF ZEUS. Can anyone direct me where Chremylus is?
+
+CHREMYLUS. What would you with him, friend?
+
+PRIEST. Much ill. Since Plutus has recovered his sight, I am perishing of
+starvation; I, the priest of Zeus the Deliverer, have nothing to eat!
+
+CHREMYLUS. And what is the cause of that, pray?
+
+PRIEST. No one dreams of offering sacrifices.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Why not?
+
+PRIEST. Because all men are rich. Ah! when they had nothing, the merchant
+who escaped from shipwreck, the accused who was acquitted, all immolated
+victims; another would sacrifice for the success of some wish and the
+priest joined in at the feast; but now there is not the smallest victim,
+not one of the faithful in the temple, but thousands who come there to
+ease themselves.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Don't you take your share of those offerings?
+
+PRIEST. Hence I think I too am going to say good-bye to Zeus the
+Deliverer, and stop here myself.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Be at ease, all will go well, if it so please the god. Zeus
+the Deliverer[810] is here; he came of his own accord.
+
+PRIEST. Ha! that's good news.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Wait a little; we are going to install Plutus presently in the
+place he formerly occupied behind the Temple of Athené;[811] there he
+will watch over our treasures for ever. But let lighted torches be
+brought; take these and walk in solemn procession in front of the god.
+
+PRIEST. That's magnificent!
+
+CHREMYLUS. Let Plutus be summoned.
+
+OLD WOMAN. And I, what am I to do?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Take the pots of vegetables which we are going to offer to the
+god in honour of his installation and carry them on your head; you just
+happen luckily to be wearing a beautiful embroidered robe.
+
+OLD WOMAN. And what about the object of my coming?
+
+CHREMYLUS. Everything shall be according to your wish. The young man will
+be with you this evening.
+
+OLD WOMAN. Oh! if you promise me his visit, I will right willingly carry
+the pots.
+
+CHREMYLUS. Those are strange pots indeed! Generally the scum rises to the
+top of the pots, but here the pots are raised to the top of the old
+woman.[812]
+
+CHORUS. Let us withdraw without more tarrying, and follow the others,
+singing as we go.[813]
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+FINIS OF "PLUTUS"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Footnotes:
+
+[736] The poet jestingly makes Chremylus attribute two utterly opposed
+characteristics to his servant.
+
+[737] Literally _sycophants_ i.e. denouncers of figs. The Senate, says
+Plutarch, in very early times had made a law forbidding the export of
+figs from Attica; those who were found breaking the edict were fined to
+the advantage of the sycophant ([Greek: phainein], to denounce, and
+[Greek: sukon], fig). Since the law was abused in order to accuse the
+innocent, the name sycophant was given to calumniators and to the too
+numerous class of informers at Athens who subsisted on the money their
+denunciations brought them.
+
+[738] A parody of the tragic style.
+
+[739] Plutus, the god of riches, was included amongst the infernal
+deities, because riches are extracted from the earth's bosom, which is
+their dwelling-place. According to Hesiod, he was the son of Demeter;
+agriculture is in truth the most solid foundation of wealth. He was
+generally represented as an old blind man, halting in gait and winged,
+coming with slow steps but going away on a rapid flight and carrying a
+purse in his hand. At Athens the statue of Peace bore Plutus represented
+as still a child on her bosom as a symbol of the wealth that peace
+brings.
+
+[740] A rich man, who affected the sordid habits of Lacedaemon, because
+of his greed. "More sordid than Patrocles" had become a byword at Athens.
+Even the public baths were too dear for Patrocles, because, in addition
+to the modest fee that was given to the bath-man, it was necessary to use
+a little oil for the customary friction after the bath.
+
+[741] This catechizing is completely in the manner of the sophistical
+teaching of the times, and has its parallel in other comedies. It reminds
+us in many ways of the Socratic 'Elenchus' as displayed in the Platonic
+dialogues.
+
+[742] Corinth was the most corrupt as well as the most commercial of
+Greek cities, and held a number of great courtesans, indeed some of the
+most celebrated, e.g. Laïs, Cyrené, Sinopé, practised their profession
+there; they, however, set a very high value on their favours, and hence
+the saying, "_Non cuivis homini contingit adire Corinthum_"--"it is not
+for every man to go to Corinth."
+
+[743] This was the mild punishment inflicted upon the adulterer by
+Athenian custom. The laws of Solon were very indulgent to this kind of
+crime; they only provided that the guilty woman might be repudiated by
+her husband, but were completely silent concerning her accomplice.
+
+[744] Cario means to convey that women often paid their lovers, or at all
+events made it their business to open up the road to fortune for them.
+
+[745] In order to receive the _triobolus,_ the fee for attendance.
+
+[746] The richest citizens were saddled with this expense and were called
+trierarchs.
+
+[747] Athens had formed an alliance with Corinth and Thebes against
+Sparta in 393 B.C., a little before the production of the 'Plutus.'
+Corinth, not feeling itself strong enough to resist the attacks of the
+Spartans unaided, had demanded the help of an Athenian garrison, and
+hence Athens maintained some few thousand mercenaries there.
+
+[748] A civil servant, who had been exiled for embezzling State funds.
+
+[749] No doubt an accomplice of Pamphilus in his misdeeds; the Scholiast
+says he was one of his parasites.
+
+[750] An upstart and, through the favour of the people, an admiral in the
+year 389 B.C., after Thrasybulus; he had enriched himself through some
+rather equivocal state employments and was insolent, because of his
+wealth, 'as a well-fed ass.'
+
+[751] A buffoon, so the Scholiasts inform us, who was in the habit of
+visiting the public places of the city in order to make a little money by
+amusing the crowd with ridiculous stories. Others say he was a statesman
+of the period, who was condemned for embezzlement of public money; in his
+defence he may well have invented some fabulous tales to account for the
+disappearance of the money out of the Treasury.
+
+[752] The precise historical reference here is obscure.
+
+[753] Laïs, a celebrated courtesan.--Of Philonides little is known,
+except that he was a native of Melita and a rich and profligate
+character.
+
+[754] The reference is no doubt to a pretentious construction that had
+been built for the rich and over-proud Timotheus, the son of Conon. He
+was a clever general of great integrity; when the 'Plutus' was produced,
+he was still very young.
+
+[755] Chremylus rises in a regular climax from love to military glory;
+the slave in as direct an anti-climax comes from bread, sweetmeats, etc.,
+down to lentils.
+
+[756] The son of Aphareus, the King of Messenia; according to the
+legends, he had such piercing sight that he could see through walls, and
+could even discover what was going on in heaven and in the nether world.
+He took part in the expedition of the Argonauts.
+
+[757] A part of the victim which Cario was bringing back from the Temple;
+it was customary to present the remains of a sacrifice to friends and
+relations.
+
+[758] As soon as Chremylus sees himself assured of wealth he adopts less
+honest principles.
+
+[759] The citizens appointed to act as dicasts, or jurymen, drew lots
+each year to decide in which Court they should sit. There were ten
+Courts, each of which was indicated by one of the first ten letters of
+the alphabet, and the urn contained as many tickets marked with these
+letters as there were dicasts. Cario means to say here that the old men
+of the Chorus should remember that they have soon to die themselves
+instead of bothering about punishing him.
+
+[760] A word invented to imitate the sound of a lyre.
+
+[761] The Cyclops let his flocks graze while he played the lyre; it was
+thus that Philoxenus had represented him in a piece to which Aristophanes
+is here alluding.--Cario assumes the part of the Cyclops and leaves that
+of the flock to the Chorus.
+
+[762] In allusion to Ulysses' adventures in the cave of Polyphemus.
+
+[763] Laïs.
+
+[764] i.e. Cario, who is assuming the rôle of Circé of Corinth.
+
+[765] This was the torture which Odysseus inflicted on Melanthius, one of
+the goatherds.
+
+[766] A poet of debauched and degraded life, one of those who, like
+Ariphrades mentioned in 'The Knights,' "defiled his tongue with
+abominable sensualities," that is to say, was a _fellator_ and a
+_cunnilingue._
+
+[767] It is uncertain whether Pamphilus, a tragedian, is meant here, who,
+like Euripides and Aeschylus, made the Heraclidae the subject of a
+tragedy, or the painter of that name, so celebrated in later times, who
+painted that subject in the Poecilé Stoa.
+
+[768] Physicians at Athens were paid very indifferently, and hence the
+most skilled sought their practice in other cities.
+
+[769] The Temple of Aesculapius stood on the way from the theatre to the
+citadel and near the tomb of Talos. A large number of invalids were taken
+there to pass a night; it was believed that the god visited them without
+being seen himself, because of the darkness, and arranged for their
+restoration to health.
+
+[770] Like the Furies who composed the Chorus in Aeschylus' 'Eumenides.'
+
+[771] A ravine into which criminals were hurled at Athens.
+
+[772] During the winter the poor went into the public baths for shelter
+against the cold; they could even stop there all night; sometimes they
+burnt themselves by getting too near the furnace which heated the water.
+
+[773] i.e. the most opposite things; the tyranny of Dionysius of Syracuse
+and the liberty which Thrasybulus restored to Athens.
+
+[774] Crimes to which men are driven through poverty.
+
+[775] The ancients placed statues of Hecaté at the cross-roads ([Greek:
+triodoi], places where three roads meet), because of the three names,
+Artemis, Phoebé and Hecaté, under which the same goddess was worshipped.
+On the first day of the month the rich had meals served before these
+statues and invited the poor to them.
+
+[776] A verse from Euripides' lost play of 'Telephus.' The same line
+occurs in 'The Knights.'
+
+[777] And not the citizens of Argos, whom agriculture and trade rendered
+wealthy.--Pauson was an Athenian painter, whose poverty had become a
+proverb. "Poorer than Pauson" was a common saying.
+
+[778] There is here a long interval of time, during which Plutus is taken
+to the Temple of Aesculapius and cured of his blindness. In the first
+edition probably the Parabasis came in here; at all events a long choral
+ode must have intervened.
+
+[779] The Athenians had erected a temple to Theseus and instituted feasts
+in his honour, which were still kept up in the days of Plutarch and
+Pausanias. Barley broth and other coarse foods were distributed among the
+poor.
+
+[780] He was an orator, who was accused of theft and extortion, and who,
+moreover, was said not to be a genuine Athenian citizen.
+
+[781] The serpent was sacred to Aesculapius; several of these reptiles
+lived in the temple of the god.
+
+[782] Iaso (from [Greek: iasthai], to heal) and Panacea (from [Greek:
+pan], everything, and [Greek: akeisthai], to cure) were daughters of
+Aesculapius.
+
+[783] He has to see, examine, and taste pill, potion, urine ... and
+worse.
+
+[784] An apothecary's outfit.
+
+[785] Tenos is one of the Cyclades, near Andros.
+
+[786] A deme of Attica, where the strongest vinegar came from.
+
+[787] The Scholiast says that this was an individual as poor as he was
+greedy, and on the watch for every opportunity to satisfy his
+voracity.--The comic poets often had nuts, figs and other petty dainties
+thrown to the audience. It was a fairly good way to secure the favour of
+a certain section of the public.
+
+[788] The ancients used oil in large quantities, whether for rubbing
+themselves down after bathing or before their exercises in the palaestra,
+or for the different uses of domestic life. It was kept in a kind of
+tank, hollowed in the ground and covered with tiles or stones. The
+wine-sellers had similar tanks, but of larger size, for keeping their
+wine.
+
+[789] This was what was styled the triple or complete sacrifice.
+
+[790] As evidence of the sorry condition from which he had been raised.
+
+[791] The clothes a man wore on the day that he was initiated into the
+Mysteries of Eleusis had, according to custom, to be dedicated to the
+gods, but only after they had been worn. Most people only decided to do
+this when they were full of holes and torn; it is because his visitor's
+cloak is in such a sorry condition that Chremylus takes it to be the
+cloak of an Initiate.
+
+[792] This Eudemus was a kind of sorcerer, who sold magic rings, to
+which, among other virtues, he ascribed that of curing, or rather of
+securing him who wore them, from snake-bites.
+
+[793] The merchants engaged in maritime commerce were absolved from
+military service; the Scholiast even declares, though it seems highly
+unlikely, that all merchants were exempt from imposts on their
+possessions. When it was a question of escaping taxes and military
+service the informer passed as a merchant.
+
+[794] At Athens 'twas only the injured person who could prosecute in
+private disputes; everyone, however, had this right where wrongs against
+the State were involved; but if the prosecutor only obtained one-fifth of
+the votes, he was condemned to a fine of 1000 drachmae or banished the
+country.
+
+[795] A proverbial saying, meaning, _the most precious thing_.--Battus, a
+Lacedaemonian, led out a colony from Thera, an island in the Aegean sea,
+and, about 630 B.C., founded the city of Cyrené in Africa. He was its
+first king, and after death was honoured as a god. The inhabitants of
+that country gathered great quantities of _silphium_ or 'laserpitium,'
+the sap of which plant was the basis of medicaments and sauces that
+commanded a high price. The coins of Cyrené bore the representation of a
+stalk of _silphium_.
+
+[796] The old woman had entered dressed as a young girl. Or is it merely
+said ironically?
+
+[797] A proverb, meaning, "_All things change with time._" Addressed to
+the old woman, it meant that she had perhaps been beautiful once, but
+that the days for love were over for her.--Miletus, the most powerful of
+the Ionic cities, had a very numerous fleet and founded more than eighty
+colonies; falling beneath the Persian yoke, the city never succeeded in
+regaining its independence.
+
+[798] Eleusis was some distance from Athens, about seven and a half
+miles, and the wealthy women drove there. It was an occasion when they
+vied with each other in the display of luxury.
+
+[799] You are so old.
+
+[800] The goddess of death and old age.
+
+[801] Wineshop-keepers were often punished for serving false measure.
+Hermes, who allowed them to be punished although he was the god of
+cheating and was worshipped as such by the wineshop-keepers, deserved to
+be neglected by them.
+
+[802] The greater gods had a day in each month specially dedicated to
+them; thus Hermes had the fourth, Artemis the sixth, Apollo the seventh,
+etc.
+
+[803] This game, which was customary during the feasts of Bacchus'
+consisted in hopping on one leg upon a wine-skin that was blown out and
+well greased with oil; the competitor who kept his footing longest on one
+leg, gained the prize.
+
+[804] The cake was placed on the altar, but eaten afterwards by the
+priest or by him who offered the sacrifice.
+
+[805] An allusion to the occupation of Phylé, in Attica on the Boeotian
+border, by Thrasybulus; this place was the meeting-place of the
+discontented and the exiled, and it was there that the expulsion of the
+thirty tyrants was planned. Once victorious, the conspirators proclaimed
+a general amnesty and swore to forget everything, [Greek: m_e
+mn_esikakein], 'to bear no grudge,' hence the proverb which Aristophanes
+recalls here.
+
+[806] A verse taken from a lost tragedy by Euripides.
+
+[807] Hermes runs through the gamut of his different attributes.
+
+[808] As the rich citizens were accustomed to do at Athens.
+
+[809] This trick was very often practised, its object being to secure the
+double fee.
+
+[810] He is giving Plutus this title.
+
+[811] Within the precincts of the Acropolis, and behind the Temple of
+Zeus Polias, there stood a building enclosed with double walls and double
+gates, where the public Treasury was kept. Plutus had ceased to dwell
+there, i.e. the Peloponnesian war and its disastrous consequences had
+emptied the Treasury; however, at the time of the production of the
+'Plutus,' Athens had recovered her freedom and a part of her former
+might, and money was again flowing into her coffers.
+
+[812] In the Greek there is a pun on the different significations of
+[Greek: graus],_ _an old woman,_ and the _scum_, or 'mother,' which forms
+on the top of boiling milk.
+
+[813] In the 'Lysistrata' the Chorus similarly makes its exit singing.
+
+
+
+
+INDEX[*]
+
+[* Transcriber's note: The original index of this volume differs slightly
+in formatting from that of volume one. In order to increase consistency,
+I've reformatted this index according to the format in the first volume.]
+
+
+A
+
+Achilles, when mute
+Achradusian, coined word
+Adimantus, an admiral
+--his father
+Admetus, the King
+Adulterers, depilated
+Aeagrus, an actor
+AESCHYLUS, verse from
+--lost tragedy
+--periods imitated
+--ridiculed
+--supposed disciples
+--'The Persae,'
+--parodied
+--unfair criticism
+--"Philoctetes"
+--'Niobe' quoted
+--'Glaucus Potniensis' quoted
+Aesculapius, temple of
+--daughters of
+Aesimus, unknown
+Agathon, tragic poet
+--pederastic habits
+Aglaurus, two women
+Agoranomi (the)
+Agyrrhius, an effeminate general
+--an upstart
+Alcaeus, a parody of
+Alcibiades, lisp in speech
+--obtains a subsidy
+Alcmena, seduced by Zeus
+Alimos, the town of
+Alliance against Sparta
+--garrison at Corinth
+Allusion, obscene
+--and Smaeus
+--to Ulysses
+Alopé, seduced by Posidon
+Ammon, temple to Zeus
+Amynon, infamy of
+Anacreon
+Andromeda, the play
+--release of
+Anti-dicasts and lawsuits
+Antilochus, Nestor's son
+Antiphon, a gluttonous parasite
+Antisthenes, a constipated miser
+Antithenes, a dissolute doctor
+Antitheus
+Aphareus, son of, his piercing vision
+Aphrodisiac
+_Apodrasippides_, explained
+Apollo as god of healing
+--priestesses of
+--physician
+--altar, how misused
+Apothecary, outfit of
+Archers, mounted corps of
+--at Athens
+Archidemus
+Ares, a fighting-cock
+Arginusae, sea-battle of
+--slaves who fought at
+Argos, citizens of
+Ariphrades, his infamous habits
+Aristocrates, a general
+Aristophanes, why uncrowned
+--modifies opinion
+Aristyllus, debaucheries of
+Artemis, goddess of chase
+--the surname of
+Artemisium, battle of
+Asia Minor, coast towns
+Asses' (the) shadow
+--asses used for the Mysteries
+Athenian law
+Attica, invasion of
+Audience, favour, how gained
+Augé, the seduced
+
+B
+
+Bacchus, "Feast of Cups"
+--surnames of
+Baptism, the pagan
+Bar, the, language of
+Barathrum, a ravine
+Barriers, let down
+Bastard, when of strange women
+Baths, how heated
+--use in winter
+Battus, silphium of
+Bed of Procrustes
+Beginning, fable of the
+Bell, to awaken sentinels
+Birds as love-gifts
+Boasters, the, of Corinth
+Bottles painted on coffins
+Boxing, story of
+Brasidas, an Athenian general
+Brigand, the option of
+Buffoonery at Megara
+Bullocks' intestines, as comparison
+Buzzard, double meaning
+Byzantium
+
+C
+
+Cake, eaten by priest
+Callias, identity of
+Callias, the general, his debaucheries
+Calligenia, adoration of
+Callimachus, poverty of
+Canephori, rank in feasts
+Canephoros, the part of
+Cannonus, the decree of
+Carians, mountaineers
+Carcinus, tragic poet
+--pun on name
+--his three sons
+Carding, woman's shape at
+Caskets, how perfumed
+Cats, lascivious
+Centaur, the
+Cephalae, pun on word
+Cephalus, a demagogue
+--his father
+Cephisophon, a "ghost"
+--seduces a wife
+Ceramicus, the
+Chaerephon
+--compared to the bat
+Chaplets of flowers
+Charitimides, an admiral
+Chians, the, named in prayers
+Children, when registered
+Choenix (the)
+Chorus, the lost
+--exit singing
+Choruses, when given
+Cinesias, the poet
+--his build
+--befouls a statue
+--the dissolute
+Circumcision, where practised
+Citizens, the fame of
+Cleocritus, the strut of
+Cleonymus, cowardly
+--gluttony of
+--wife of
+Cleophon, a general
+--an alien
+Clepsydra (the)
+Cloak. _See_ Clothes
+Clothes, dedication of
+Clidemides
+Cligenes, a demagogue
+Climax and anti-
+Clisthenes, an effeminate
+--accused of prostitution
+Cock-fighting
+Coffins, emblems on
+Coins, in the mouth
+Colaconymus, the flatterer
+Colic, the, a remedy
+Colonus, and Croydon
+Connus, a flute-player
+Conon, flight of
+Coot's head, likeness to cunnus muliebris
+Corcyra, whips of
+Corinth, boasting at
+--corruption at
+--garrison at
+Corinthian ships, obscene comparison
+--courtesans
+Corybantes (the), mysteries of
+--sacred instrument
+Cotyle, a measure
+Courtesans, high prices
+Court-opening, formula
+Cramming oneself
+Crane, herald of winter
+--carry ballast
+Cratinus, a comic poet
+Cress, its properties
+"Cretan monologues"
+--rhythms
+Crime and poverty
+Criticism, too low
+Critylla
+_Crows, going to_
+Cuckoo, the
+Curotrophos, meaning
+Cuttle-fish
+Cyclops, the, and lyre
+Cycni, the two
+Cynna, the courtesan
+Cyrené, the courtesan
+
+D
+
+Dardanus, flute-girls from
+Daughters, lent to strangers
+Dead bodies on plants
+Debts, in relation to women
+Demagogues as drones
+Demeter, Mysteries of
+--how represented
+--goddess of abundance
+Democracy in Olympus
+Demolochocleon, explained
+Demos, a young Athenian
+Depilation, for adultery
+"Descend," term explained
+_Devil, to the_, how expressed
+Dexinicus, the greedy
+Diagoras, a convert to atheism
+Dicasts, insignia
+Diitrephes, rich basket-maker
+Dining stations
+Diomedes, a brigand
+Diomeia, temple at
+Dionysus, not brave
+Dionysus, temple
+--the god
+Diopithes, a diviner
+Diopithes, the orator
+Discontented, the rendezvous of
+Division (the), of lands
+Dog, backside of
+Door-hinge, moistened
+Drachma (the)
+Draughts, rules of
+Dreams, fee to interpret
+Duck's domain, the
+
+E
+
+Eagle, symbol of royalty
+Egypt, soil of
+Ekkiklyma, the
+Elegants, effeminate
+Eleusis, mysteries of
+--women at
+Eleven (the), who they were
+Embezzling State funds
+Empusa, a spectre
+Engastromythes, explained
+Englottogastors, meaning of
+Epicrates, a demagogue
+Epigonus, a pathic
+Erasinidas, a general
+Erinnys, a fury
+Eryxis, noted for ugliness
+Ether (the), physical theory of
+Euathlus, a diffamer
+Eudemus, the sorcerer
+Euphemius, a flatterer
+Euripides, a verse from
+--date of his death
+--distich from
+--expressions from
+--verse from Orestes
+--origin
+--lost tragedies
+--verse from
+--heterodoxy
+--insipid style
+--"ghost" of
+--birth
+--stage-characters of
+--influence of his poetry
+--labour criticised
+--_versus_ Aeschylus
+--rhythm
+--monologue
+--'Antigoné' quoted
+--'Telephus' and 'Meleager' quoted
+--'Hippolytus,' line from
+--'Aeolus' and 'Phryxus' quoted
+--parodied
+--'Aeolus,'
+--'Alcestis' quoted
+--'Menalippé,'
+--mother insulted
+--'Sthenoboea,'
+--'Phoenix,'
+--'Palamedes,'
+--'Helen' quoted
+--how staged
+--son of
+--verse from
+Eurycles, the diviner
+Evaeon, poverty of
+Excrement, voiding
+--eating of, proverb
+Execestides, stranger at Athens
+--his tutelary deity
+Eyes, bad, proverb on
+
+F
+
+Fear, effect of
+Feast of Pots, the
+Fees to citizens
+Felicity, and cuttle-fish
+"Fig leaves in fire"
+Figs with tongues
+--"denouncers of figs"
+Figure of rhetoric
+Fish, high price of
+Flamingo, the
+Fleet (the), supremacy of
+Flowers, worn at feasts
+Flute-girls, genitalia, ref. to
+Fop, an old
+Forest, pun on word
+Four Hundred, the
+_Friend of Strangers_, the
+
+G
+
+Gables, pun on word
+Galleys, land of
+Games given at Athens
+Gargettus
+Garlic, and gallants
+Genetyllides, the
+Geres, old fop
+Gestation, ten months
+Gibberish uttered by a god
+Girls, unmarried, ornaments
+Glaucetes, a glutton
+Gods, the days of the
+Gorgos, head of
+Grasshopper, the, as comparison
+Greek words, puns on
+Grudge, bearing no
+Gull, the voracious
+
+H
+
+Hades, leaders in
+Harmodius, statue of
+Hecaté, altars of
+--the poor fed
+--goddess of death
+Hegelochus, an actor
+Heliasts, tribunal of
+--manner of voting
+--daily salary
+--acrid temper
+--separated from public
+--choice of
+_Hellé's sacred waves_
+Hellebore, for madness
+Hemlock, effect of
+Heracles, gluttony of
+--descends to Hades
+Heracles, Temple of
+Hermes, attributes of
+Hesiod on Plutus
+"Hestia, addressing first"
+Hiero, of Syracuse
+Hieronymus, the argive
+Hippias, tyranny of
+Hippocrates, theories of
+Hipponicus, the orator
+Homer's text corrupted
+"Horse, the," an erotic posture
+Horses, devoured by
+Hydriaphoros, the alien
+
+I
+
+Ibycus, the poet
+Ilithyia, goddess of child-birth
+Illyrians, the
+Incest, in the 'Aeolus,'
+Informer, business of
+Ino, metamorphosis of
+Intercourse, sexual
+Interrupters, how dismissed
+_Invoke the god_
+Iophon, son of Sophocles
+
+J
+
+Jar of wine comp. to ass
+Jest, obscene
+Jocasta, married by son
+Jokes, coarse
+Jurymen, fees of
+--tricks of
+Justice, slowness of
+
+K
+
+_Kimos_, top of voting urn
+Kite, the, and springtime
+
+L
+
+Laches, an Athenian general
+--comic trial of dog and
+--ref. to his peculations
+Laespodias, a general
+Laïs, the courtesan
+Lamachus, better opinion of
+Lamia, transformed
+Lamiae (the)
+Lamias, unknown
+Lampadephoria, the
+Lampon, a diviner
+--prediction of
+Lasus, the poet
+Laurium, the mines of
+Leather, allusion to old
+Leogaras, an epicure
+Leotrophides, his leanness
+Lesbian women, tricks of
+Literature, heavy
+Locksmiths, Spartan
+Lots, drawing
+Love exercises, ref. to
+_Love's Labour's Lost_
+Lovers, gifts of
+--paid
+Lycabettus
+'Lycimnius,' a tragedy
+Lycus, a titulary god
+--statue of
+Lyre, sound imitated
+Lysicrates, a treacherous general
+--famed for ugliness
+
+M
+
+Magic rings
+Marathon, ref. to
+Masks, use of
+Masturbation, jest on
+Measure, false, punished
+Medusa, head of
+Melanthius, a poet and leper
+Megabyzus, a general
+Megara, birthplace of comedy
+Memnon
+Memière (Dr. P.), ref. to
+Merchants, exemption of
+Meton, a geometrician
+"Milesian bravery"
+Military service (_see_ Merchants)
+Molon, a gigantic actor
+Morsimus, a minor poet
+Morychus, poet
+--mantle of
+"Mother of the Gods," the
+Mother, son marries
+Mouth-strap, (the)
+Munychion, April
+Myronides, a general
+Myrtia, a baker's wife
+Myrtle boughs, use of
+Mysteries, insulting the
+--of Eleusis
+
+N
+
+Nausicydes
+Naxos, island of
+Neoclides, an orator
+Nephelococcygia, meaning
+Nicias, grandson of
+Nicias, the general
+--his slackness
+Nightingale, song of
+"Niobe," tragedies of
+Nysa, a town of Dionysus
+
+O
+
+Odeon (the), by whom built
+Odysseus, manner of escape
+--as spy
+--how he tortured
+Odyssey, the, quoted
+Offal, human, tasting
+Oil, extensive use of
+Olive leaves
+Olophyxians, the
+Omen, word for
+--satire on
+--starting on journey
+Onions, as aphrodisiac
+Oracles, trees as
+Orators, infamous
+--venom of
+--wear chaplets
+--rapacity of
+"Orestes," prologue of the
+Orestes, the robber
+--cave alluded to
+Origanum, used for corpses
+Ornaments, worn by girls
+Orneae, a town
+--alluded to by prophet
+Owls, as omen
+--at Athens
+Ox-fat, syn. for people
+
+P
+
+Palamedes, the inventor
+Pamphilus, two of the name
+Pan, the god
+"Pankration" (the)
+Pantacles, unknown
+"Parsley and the rue"
+Pathos and bathos
+Patrocles, a rich miser
+Pauson, ruined
+--poverty of
+Peace, mother of Plutus
+Peacock and hoopoe
+Pebble, the, how held
+Pelargicon, the
+Pellené, a town
+Peplus, the
+Perfumes, on dead bodies
+Perseus, legend of
+Persian (the), cloak
+Phanae, land of informers
+Pharnaces and bribery
+Pharsalus, a town
+Philepsius, a buffoon
+Philippus, traitor and alien
+Philocles, the poet
+Phlegra, plain of
+Phratria, registers of the
+Phrygian Graces, the
+Phrygians, origin of
+Phrynichus, tragic writer
+--precocious talent of
+Phrynondas, the infamous
+'Phryxus' (the), lines from
+Phylarchs, the
+Phylé, occupation of
+Physicians, poorly paid
+Pig-trough, for bar
+Pigs, young, sacrificed
+Pisander, a coward
+Pittalus, a physician
+Plants, aromatic, use of
+Plutus
+--god of riches
+--cured of blindness
+Pnyx (the)
+Poetry, and dissoluteness
+Poets, seduction of
+Pole, play on word
+Polemarch (the)
+Policemen, at Athens
+Poltroons, names for
+Poor, the
+--coffins of
+--the, fed monthly
+Porphyrion, name of a Titan
+Poverty, cause of crime
+Presents, by lovers
+Priestesses, title of
+Private disputes, law anent
+Procrustes, notorious brigand
+Prodicus, the sophist
+Pronomus, beard of
+Proteas, play on name
+Proteus, palace of
+Proxeni, their duties
+Purses, substitute for
+Pyrrhic, the, dance
+
+Q
+
+Quiver, pun on word
+
+R
+
+Rabelais, long word from
+Racine, in the _Plaideurs_
+Raven, a muzzled
+Rewards, promised
+Rich, the, dead
+Ridicule feared
+Rites for dead
+Robe, Cretan
+Rope, the vermilion
+Rope's end, for _membrum virile_
+Rowing, command to stop
+
+S
+
+Sacrifice, the complete
+Sacrificial remains
+Sailors, in danger
+Saffron robe, meaning of
+Salabaccha, a courtesan
+Salaminian, the, a State galley
+Samians, plot with Persians
+Sardanapalus, used as title
+Scaphephoros, symbol of
+Sceptre, the, how made
+Sciapodes, big feet of the
+Scioné, a town
+Scirophoria, feast of
+Scorpions and orators
+Scythian, the
+--use as police
+--his accent
+Seal, how protected
+Seals, broken
+Sebinus, the treader
+Semelé, mother of Bacchus
+Serenades, Greek
+Serpent, the sacred
+Sesame cakes
+Shakespeare, long word from
+Shoemakers, women as
+Shoes, etc., where left
+Sight, extraordinary
+Simois, city of the
+Singing, exit whilst
+Slaves
+--branding of
+--names
+Smaeus, the debauchee
+Socratic, the, "Elenchus"
+Socrates, etc.
+--comp. to vampires
+--the accuser of
+Soldier, as ambassador
+Solon, laws of
+Son, marries mother
+Sophocles
+--mentioned
+--parodied
+--the Laocoon of
+Sore throat and bribery
+"Sows, little," obscene pun
+Sparta
+--play on word
+--alliance against
+Sperchius, the
+Sphettian vinegar
+Spintharus
+Sporgilus, a barber
+State funds, embezzled
+State, prosecuting the
+Statutes, how protected
+Sthenelus, an actor
+Sthenoboea, an amorous queen
+Stool, position at
+Strangers, enjoy host's daughters
+Streak, the red
+Strouthian, the poulterer
+Sun, the, parodied
+Sunburnt, how to get
+Sunshade carrier
+Surnames of characters
+Swearing, by the birds
+Sybaris, the town of
+Sycophants, origin of word
+Syllables, seventy-seven
+Syrmea, a plant
+
+T
+
+Tablets and scrolls
+Taleas, a citizen
+Talent, value of
+Tartessus, a town
+Taxes on slaves
+Tenian garlic
+Tereus, legend of
+Terminus, the god
+Testicles
+--play on word
+--tortured
+Teucers
+Thales, his fame
+Thallophores (the)
+Tharelides, the jay
+Theagenes, his farting
+Theogenes, a boaster
+Theognis
+Theorus, comp. to crow
+Theramenes
+Theseus, descent to Hades
+--feasts of
+THESMOPHORIA, when celebrated
+--duration
+--beautiful women
+--women slaves forbidden
+--lodging of women
+--images of the gods
+Thesmothetes (the)
+--described
+--again
+Thespis, the dances of
+Thorycion, frauds of
+Thrace, towns of
+Thrasybulus, deliverer of Athens
+--compared
+--takes Phylé
+Thrasybulus the orator, sore throat of
+_Threttanello_ (_see_ Lyre)
+Thucydides, tongue-tied
+Thymaetia, coats of
+Tiara, how worn
+Timon, the misanthrope
+Timotheus, a general
+Tithrasios
+Torch-race (the)
+Tortures allowed
+--ingenious
+Townspeople despised
+Tragic style, parodied
+Treasure, proverb on
+Treasury, the public
+Triballi, the, a term of reproach
+Trierarchs
+Tyranny, jest on death of
+
+U
+
+Ulysses' adventures
+Urns, the two
+--threatened
+Versatile people, proverb
+Verse, a borrowed
+Verses, sung by maidens
+Vine-prop (the), a comparison
+Vote, of juryman, how given
+
+W
+
+Wealth, and principle
+Wild pears and sore throats
+Wine-skin, hopping on
+Wine-pits, the
+Wineshop-keepers punished
+Woman and carding
+--"to go with," pun on word
+--debt in relation to
+--old woman, pun on
+Women, at funerals
+--secret loves of
+--in child-bed
+--period of gestation
+--love of strong drink
+--their form of oath
+--addressed as men
+--yellow tunics of
+--pale-faced
+--pay their lovers
+--display of luxury
+Word, a wonderful
+Wren, play on word
+--in French and German
+
+X
+
+Xenocles, an inferior poet
+
+Y
+
+Yellow tunics
+Young men, how seduced
+
+Z
+
+Zeus, the Deliverer
+
+
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE ELEVEN COMEDIES ***
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