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diff --git a/8525-0.txt b/8525-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2f157e8 --- /dev/null +++ b/8525-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1060 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Eve's Diary, Complete, by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Eve's Diary, Complete + +Author: Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +Release Date: June 14, 2004 [EBook #8525] +Last Updated: February 23, 2018 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVE'S DIARY, COMPLETE *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger and Cindy Rosenthal + + + + + +EVE'S DIARY + + +By Mark Twain + + +Illustrated by Lester Ralph + + + + +Translated from the Original + + + +SATURDAY.--I am almost a whole day old, now. I arrived yesterday. +That is as it seems to me. And it must be so, for if there was a +day-before-yesterday I was not there when it happened, or I should +remember it. It could be, of course, that it did happen, and that I +was not noticing. Very well; I will be very watchful now, and if any +day-before-yesterdays happen I will make a note of it. It will be best +to start right and not let the record get confused, for some instinct +tells me that these details are going to be important to the historian +some day. For I feel like an experiment, I feel exactly like an +experiment; it would be impossible for a person to feel more like an +experiment than I do, and so I am coming to feel convinced that that +is what I AM--an experiment; just an experiment, and nothing more. + +Then if I am an experiment, am I the whole of it? No, I think not; I +think the rest of it is part of it. I am the main part of it, but I +think the rest of it has its share in the matter. Is my position +assured, or do I have to watch it and take care of it? The latter, +perhaps. Some instinct tells me that eternal vigilance is the price +of supremacy. [That is a good phrase, I think, for one so young.] + +Everything looks better today than it did yesterday. In the rush of +finishing up yesterday, the mountains were left in a ragged condition, +and some of the plains were so cluttered with rubbish and remnants that +the aspects were quite distressing. Noble and beautiful works of art +should not be subjected to haste; and this majestic new world is indeed +a most noble and beautiful work. And certainly marvelously near to +being perfect, notwithstanding the shortness of the time. There are too +many stars in some places and not enough in others, but that can be +remedied presently, no doubt. The moon got loose last night, and slid +down and fell out of the scheme--a very great loss; it breaks my heart +to think of it. There isn't another thing among the ornaments and +decorations that is comparable to it for beauty and finish. It should +have been fastened better. If we can only get it back again-- + +But of course there is no telling where it went to. And besides, +whoever gets it will hide it; I know it because I would do it myself. +I believe I can be honest in all other matters, but I already begin to +realize that the core and center of my nature is love of the beautiful, +a passion for the beautiful, and that it would not be safe to trust me +with a moon that belonged to another person and that person didn't know +I had it. I could give up a moon that I found in the daytime, because I +should be afraid some one was looking; but if I found it in the dark, I +am sure I should find some kind of an excuse for not saying anything +about it. For I do love moons, they are so pretty and so romantic. I +wish we had five or six; I would never go to bed; I should never get +tired lying on the moss-bank and looking up at them. + +Stars are good, too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I +suppose I never can. You would be surprised to find how far off they +are, for they do not look it. When they first showed, last night, I +tried to knock some down with a pole, but it didn't reach, which +astonished me; then I tried clods till I was all tired out, but I never +got one. It was because I am left-handed and cannot throw good. Even +when I aimed at the one I wasn't after I couldn't hit the other one, +though I did make some close shots, for I saw the black blot of the clod +sail right into the midst of the golden clusters forty or fifty times, +just barely missing them, and if I could have held out a little longer +maybe I could have got one. + +So I cried a little, which was natural, I suppose, for one of my age, +and after I was rested I got a basket and started for a place on the +extreme rim of the circle, where the stars were close to the ground and +I could get them with my hands, which would be better, anyway, because I +could gather them tenderly then, and not break them. But it was farther +than I thought, and at last I had to give it up; I was so tired I +couldn't drag my feet another step; and besides, they were sore and hurt +me very much. + +I couldn't get back home; it was too far and turning cold; but I found +some tigers and nestled in among them and was most adorably comfortable, +and their breath was sweet and pleasant, because they live on +strawberries. I had never seen a tiger before, but I knew them in a +minute by the stripes. If I could have one of those skins, it would +make a lovely gown. + +Today I am getting better ideas about distances. I was so eager to get +hold of every pretty thing that I giddily grabbed for it, sometimes when +it was too far off, and sometimes when it was but six inches away but +seemed a foot--alas, with thorns between! I learned a lesson; also I +made an axiom, all out of my own head--my very first one; THE SCRATCHED +EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE THORN. I think it is a very good one for one so +young. + +I followed the other Experiment around, yesterday afternoon, at a +distance, to see what it might be for, if I could. But I was not able +to make [it] out. I think it is a man. I had never seen a man, but it +looked like one, and I feel sure that that is what it is. I realize that +I feel more curiosity about it than about any of the other reptiles. If +it is a reptile, and I suppose it is; for it has frowzy hair and blue +eyes, and looks like a reptile. It has no hips; it tapers like a carrot; +when it stands, it spreads itself apart like a derrick; so I think it is +a reptile, though it may be architecture. + +I was afraid of it at first, and started to run every time it turned +around, for I thought it was going to chase me; but by and by I found it +was only trying to get away, so after that I was not timid any more, but +tracked it along, several hours, about twenty yards behind, which made +it nervous and unhappy. At last it was a good deal worried, and climbed +a tree. I waited a good while, then gave it up and went home. + +Today the same thing over. I've got it up the tree again. + + + +SUNDAY.--It is up there yet. Resting, apparently. But that is a +subterfuge: Sunday isn't the day of rest; Saturday is appointed for +that. It looks to me like a creature that is more interested in resting +than in anything else. It would tire me to rest so much. It tires me +just to sit around and watch the tree. I do wonder what it is for; I +never see it do anything. + +They returned the moon last night, and I was SO happy! I think it is +very honest of them. It slid down and fell off again, but I was not +distressed; there is no need to worry when one has that kind of +neighbors; they will fetch it back. I wish I could do something to show +my appreciation. I would like to send them some stars, for we have more +than we can use. I mean I, not we, for I can see that the reptile cares +nothing for such things. + +It has low tastes, and is not kind. When I went there yesterday evening +in the gloaming it had crept down and was trying to catch the little +speckled fishes that play in the pool, and I had to clod it to make it +go up the tree again and let them alone. I wonder if THAT is what it is +for? Hasn't it any heart? Hasn't it any compassion for those little +creature? Can it be that it was designed and manufactured for such +ungentle work? It has the look of it. One of the clods took it back of +the ear, and it used language. It gave me a thrill, for it was the +first time I had ever heard speech, except my own. I did not understand +the words, but they seemed expressive. + +When I found it could talk I felt a new interest in it, for I love to +talk; I talk, all day, and in my sleep, too, and I am very interesting, +but if I had another to talk to I could be twice as interesting, and +would never stop, if desired. + +If this reptile is a man, it isn't an IT, is it? That wouldn't be +grammatical, would it? I think it would be HE. I think so. In that +case one would parse it thus: nominative, HE; dative, HIM; possessive, +HIS'N. Well, I will consider it a man and call it he until it turns out +to be something else. This will be handier than having so many +uncertainties. + + + +NEXT WEEK SUNDAY.--All the week I tagged around after him and tried to +get acquainted. I had to do the talking, because he was shy, but I +didn't mind it. He seemed pleased to have me around, and I used the +sociable “we” a good deal, because it seemed to flatter him to be +included. + + + +WEDNESDAY.--We are getting along very well indeed, now, and getting +better and better acquainted. He does not try to avoid me any more, +which is a good sign, and shows that he likes to have me with him. That +pleases me, and I study to be useful to him in every way I can, so as to +increase his regard. + +During the last day or two I have taken all the work of naming things +off his hands, and this has been a great relief to him, for he has no +gift in that line, and is evidently very grateful. He can't think of a +rational name to save him, but I do not let him see that I am aware of +his defect. Whenever a new creature comes along I name it before he has +time to expose himself by an awkward silence. In this way I have saved +him many embarrassments. I have no defect like this. The minute I set +eyes on an animal I know what it is. I don't have to reflect a moment; +the right name comes out instantly, just as if it were an inspiration, +as no doubt it is, for I am sure it wasn't in me half a minute before. +I seem to know just by the shape of the creature and the way it acts +what animal it is. + +When the dodo came along he thought it was a wildcat--I saw it in his +eye. But I saved him. And I was careful not to do it in a way that +could hurt his pride. I just spoke up in a quite natural way of +pleasing surprise, and not as if I was dreaming of conveying +information, and said, “Well, I do declare, if there isn't the dodo!” I +explained--without seeming to be explaining--how I know it for a dodo, +and although I thought maybe he was a little piqued that I knew the +creature when he didn't, it was quite evident that he admired me. That +was very agreeable, and I thought of it more than once with +gratification before I slept. How little a thing can make us happy when +we feel that we have earned it! + + + +THURSDAY.--my first sorrow. Yesterday he avoided me and seemed to wish +I would not talk to him. I could not believe it, and thought there was +some mistake, for I loved to be with him, and loved to hear him talk, +and so how could it be that he could feel unkind toward me when I had +not done anything? But at last it seemed true, so I went away and sat +lonely in the place where I first saw him the morning that we were made +and I did not know what he was and was indifferent about him; but now it +was a mournful place, and every little thing spoke of him, and my heart +was very sore. I did not know why very clearly, for it was a new +feeling; I had not experienced it before, and it was all a mystery, and +I could not make it out. + +But when night came I could not bear the lonesomeness, and went to the +new shelter which he has built, to ask him what I had done that was +wrong and how I could mend it and get back his kindness again; but he +put me out in the rain, and it was my first sorrow. + + + +SUNDAY.--It is pleasant again, now, and I am happy; but those were heavy +days; I do not think of them when I can help it. + +I tried to get him some of those apples, but I cannot learn to throw +straight. I failed, but I think the good intention pleased him. They +are forbidden, and he says I shall come to harm; but so I come to harm +through pleasing him, why shall I care for that harm? + + + +MONDAY.--This morning I told him my name, hoping it would interest him. +But he did not care for it. It is strange. If he should tell me his +name, I would care. I think it would be pleasanter in my ears than any +other sound. + +He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright, and is +sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he +should feel so, for brightness is nothing; it is in the heart that the +values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart +is riches, and riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty. + +Although he talks so little, he has quite a considerable vocabulary. +This morning he used a surprisingly good word. He evidently recognized, +himself, that it was a good one, for he worked it in twice afterward, +casually. It was good casual art, still it showed that he possesses a +certain quality of perception. Without a doubt that seed can be made to +grow, if cultivated. + +Where did he get that word? I do not think I have ever used it. + +No, he took no interest in my name. I tried to hide my disappointment, +but I suppose I did not succeed. I went away and sat on the moss-bank +with my feet in the water. It is where I go when I hunger for +companionship, some one to look at, some one to talk to. It is not +enough--that lovely white body painted there in the pool--but it is +something, and something is better than utter loneliness. It talks when +I talk; it is sad when I am sad; it comforts me with its sympathy; it +says, “Do not be downhearted, you poor friendless girl; I will be your +friend.” It IS a good friend to me, and my only one; it is my sister. + +That first time that she forsook me! ah, I shall never forget that +--never, never. My heart was lead in my body! I said, “She was all I +had, and now she is gone!” In my despair I said, “Break, my heart; I +cannot bear my life any more!” and hid my face in my hands, and there +was no solace for me. And when I took them away, after a little, there +she was again, white and shining and beautiful, and I sprang into her +arms! + +That was perfect happiness; I had known happiness before, but it was not +like this, which was ecstasy. I never doubted her afterward. Sometimes +she stayed away--maybe an hour, maybe almost the whole day, but I waited +and did not doubt; I said, “She is busy, or she is gone on a journey, +but she will come.” And it was so: she always did. At night she would +not come if it was dark, for she was a timid little thing; but if there +was a moon she would come. I am not afraid of the dark, but she is +younger than I am; she was born after I was. Many and many are the +visits I have paid her; she is my comfort and my refuge when my life is +hard--and it is mainly that. + + + +TUESDAY.--All the morning I was at work improving the estate; and I +purposely kept away from him in the hope that he would get lonely and +come. But he did not. + +At noon I stopped for the day and took my recreation by flitting all +about with the bees and the butterflies and reveling in the flowers, +those beautiful creatures that catch the smile of God out of the sky and +preserve it! I gathered them, and made them into wreaths and garlands +and clothed myself in them while I ate my luncheon--apples, of course; +then I sat in the shade and wished and waited. But he did not come. + +But no matter. Nothing would have come of it, for he does not care for +flowers. He called them rubbish, and cannot tell one from another, and +thinks it is superior to feel like that. He does not care for me, he +does not care for flowers, he does not care for the painted sky at +eventide--is there anything he does care for, except building shacks to +coop himself up in from the good clean rain, and thumping the melons, +and sampling the grapes, and fingering the fruit on the trees, to see +how those properties are coming along? + +I laid a dry stick on the ground and tried to bore a hole in it with +another one, in order to carry out a scheme that I had, and soon I got +an awful fright. A thin, transparent bluish film rose out of the hole, +and I dropped everything and ran! I thought it was a spirit, and I WAS +so frightened! But I looked back, and it was not coming; so I leaned +against a rock and rested and panted, and let my limbs go on trembling +until they got steady again; then I crept warily back, alert, watching, +and ready to fly if there was occasion; and when I was come near, I +parted the branches of a rose-bush and peeped through--wishing the man +was about, I was looking so cunning and pretty--but the sprite was gone. +I went there, and there was a pinch of delicate pink dust in the hole. I +put my finger in, to feel it, and said OUCH! and took it out again. It +was a cruel pain. I put my finger in my mouth; and by standing first on +one foot and then the other, and grunting, I presently eased my misery; +then I was full of interest, and began to examine. + +I was curious to know what the pink dust was. Suddenly the name of it +occurred to me, though I had never heard of it before. It was FIRE! I +was as certain of it as a person could be of anything in the world. So +without hesitation I named it that--fire. + +I had created something that didn't exist before; I had added a new +thing to the world's uncountable properties; I realized this, and was +proud of my achievement, and was going to run and find him and tell him +about it, thinking to raise myself in his esteem--but I reflected, and +did not do it. No--he would not care for it. He would ask what it was +good for, and what could I answer? for if it was not GOOD for something, +but only beautiful, merely beautiful-- + +So I sighed, and did not go. For it wasn't good for anything; it could +not build a shack, it could not improve melons, it could not hurry a +fruit crop; it was useless, it was a foolishness and a vanity; he would +despise it and say cutting words. But to me it was not despicable; I +said, “Oh, you fire, I love you, you dainty pink creature, for you are +BEAUTIFUL--and that is enough!” and was going to gather it to my breast. +But refrained. Then I made another maxim out of my head, though it was +so nearly like the first one that I was afraid it was only a plagiarism: +“THE BURNT EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE FIRE.” + +I wrought again; and when I had made a good deal of fire-dust I emptied +it into a handful of dry brown grass, intending to carry it home and +keep it always and play with it; but the wind struck it and it sprayed +up and spat out at me fiercely, and I dropped it and ran. When I looked +back the blue spirit was towering up and stretching and rolling away +like a cloud, and instantly I thought of the name of it--SMOKE!--though, +upon my word, I had never heard of smoke before. + +Soon brilliant yellow and red flares shot up through the smoke, and I +named them in an instant--FLAMES--and I was right, too, though these +were the very first flames that had ever been in the world. They +climbed the trees, then flashed splendidly in and out of the vast and +increasing volume of tumbling smoke, and I had to clap my hands and +laugh and dance in my rapture, it was so new and strange and so +wonderful and so beautiful! + +He came running, and stopped and gazed, and said not a word for many +minutes. Then he asked what it was. Ah, it was too bad that he should +ask such a direct question. I had to answer it, of course, and I did. +I said it was fire. If it annoyed him that I should know and he must +ask; that was not my fault; I had no desire to annoy him. After a pause +he asked: + +“How did it come?” + +Another direct question, and it also had to have a direct answer. + +“I made it.” + +The fire was traveling farther and farther off. He went to the edge of +the burned place and stood looking down, and said: + +“What are these?” + +“Fire-coals.” + +He picked up one to examine it, but changed his mind and put it down +again. Then he went away. NOTHING interests him. + +But I was interested. There were ashes, gray and soft and delicate and +pretty--I knew what they were at once. And the embers; I knew the +embers, too. I found my apples, and raked them out, and was glad; for I +am very young and my appetite is active. But I was disappointed; they +were all burst open and spoiled. Spoiled apparently; but it was not so; +they were better than raw ones. Fire is beautiful; some day it will be +useful, I think. + + + +FRIDAY.--I saw him again, for a moment, last Monday at nightfall, but +only for a moment. I was hoping he would praise me for trying to +improve the estate, for I had meant well and had worked hard. But he was +not pleased, and turned away and left me. He was also displeased on +another account: I tried once more to persuade him to stop going over +the Falls. That was because the fire had revealed to me a new passion +--quite new, and distinctly different from love, grief, and those others +which I had already discovered--FEAR. And it is horrible!--I wish I had +never discovered it; it gives me dark moments, it spoils my happiness, +it makes me shiver and tremble and shudder. But I could not persuade +him, for he has not discovered fear yet, and so he could not understand +me. + + + + + + + EXTRACT FROM ADAM'S DIARY + + +Perhaps I ought to remember that she is very young, a mere girl and make +allowances. She is all interest, eagerness, vivacity, the world is to +her a charm, a wonder, a mystery, a joy; she can't speak for delight +when she finds a new flower, she must pet it and caress it and smell it +and talk to it, and pour out endearing names upon it. And she is +color-mad: brown rocks, yellow sand, gray moss, green foliage, blue sky; +the pearl of the dawn, the purple shadows on the mountains, the golden +islands floating in crimson seas at sunset, the pallid moon sailing +through the shredded cloud-rack, the star-jewels glittering in the +wastes of space--none of them is of any practical value, so far as I can +see, but because they have color and majesty, that is enough for her, +and she loses her mind over them. If she could quiet down and keep still +a couple minutes at a time, it would be a reposeful spectacle. In that +case I think I could enjoy looking at her; indeed I am sure I could, for +I am coming to realize that she is a quite remarkably comely creature +--lithe, slender, trim, rounded, shapely, nimble, graceful; and once +when she was standing marble-white and sun-drenched on a boulder, with +her young head tilted back and her hand shading her eyes, watching the +flight of a bird in the sky, I recognized that she was beautiful. + + + +MONDAY NOON.--If there is anything on the planet that she is not +interested in it is not in my list. There are animals that I am +indifferent to, but it is not so with her. She has no discrimination, +she takes to all of them, she thinks they are all treasures, every new +one is welcome. + +When the mighty brontosaurus came striding into camp, she regarded it as +an acquisition, I considered it a calamity; that is a good sample of the +lack of harmony that prevails in our views of things. She wanted to +domesticate it, I wanted to make it a present of the homestead and move +out. She believed it could be tamed by kind treatment and would be a +good pet; I said a pet twenty-one feet high and eighty-four feet long +would be no proper thing to have about the place, because, even with the +best intentions and without meaning any harm, it could sit down on the +house and mash it, for any one could see by the look of its eye that it +was absent-minded. + +Still, her heart was set upon having that monster, and she couldn't give +it up. She thought we could start a dairy with it, and wanted me to +help milk it; but I wouldn't; it was too risky. The sex wasn't right, +and we hadn't any ladder anyway. Then she wanted to ride it, and look +at the scenery. Thirty or forty feet of its tail was lying on the +ground, like a fallen tree, and she thought she could climb it, but she +was mistaken; when she got to the steep place it was too slick and down +she came, and would have hurt herself but for me. + +Was she satisfied now? No. Nothing ever satisfies her but +demonstration; untested theories are not in her line, and she won't have +them. It is the right spirit, I concede it; it attracts me; I feel the +influence of it; if I were with her more I think I should take it up +myself. Well, she had one theory remaining about this colossus: she +thought that if we could tame it and make him friendly we could stand in +the river and use him for a bridge. It turned out that he was already +plenty tame enough--at least as far as she was concerned--so she tried +her theory, but it failed: every time she got him properly placed in +the river and went ashore to cross over him, he came out and followed +her around like a pet mountain. Like the other animals. They all do +that. + + + +Tuesday--Wednesday--Thursday--and today: all without seeing him. It is +a long time to be alone; still, it is better to be alone than unwelcome. + + + +FRIDAY--I HAD to have company--I was made for it, I think--so I made +friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the +kindest disposition and the politest ways; they never look sour, they +never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag +their tail, if they've got one, and they are always ready for a romp or +an excursion or anything you want to propose. I think they are perfect +gentlemen. All these days we have had such good times, and it hasn't +been lonesome for me, ever. + +Lonesome! No, I should say not. Why, there's always a swarm of them +around--sometimes as much as four or five acres--you can't count them; +and when you stand on a rock in the midst and look out over the furry +expanse it is so mottled and splashed and gay with color and frisking +sheen and sun-flash, and so rippled with stripes, that you might think +it was a lake, only you know it isn't; and there's storms of sociable +birds, and hurricanes of whirring wings; and when the sun strikes all +that feathery commotion, you have a blazing up of all the colors you can +think of, enough to put your eyes out. + +We have made long excursions, and I have seen a great deal of the world; +almost all of it, I think; and so I am the first traveler, and the only +one. When we are on the march, it is an imposing sight--there's nothing +like it anywhere. For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it +is soft and has a round back that fits me, and because they are such +pretty animals; but for long distance or for scenery I ride the +elephant. He hoists me up with his trunk, but I can get off myself; +when we are ready to camp, he sits and I slide down the back way. + +The birds and animals are all friendly to each other, and there are no +disputes about anything. They all talk, and they all talk to me, but it +must be a foreign language, for I cannot make out a word they say; yet +they often understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the +elephant. It makes me ashamed. It shows that they are brighter than I +am, for I want to be the principal Experiment myself--and I intend to +be, too. + +I have learned a number of things, and am educated, now, but I wasn't at +first. I was ignorant at first. At first it used to vex me because, +with all my watching, I was never smart enough to be around when the +water was running uphill; but now I do not mind it. I have experimented +and experimented until now I know it never does run uphill, except in +the dark. I know it does in the dark, because the pool never goes dry, +which it would, of course, if the water didn't come back in the night. +It is best to prove things by actual experiment; then you KNOW; whereas +if you depend on guessing and supposing and conjecturing, you never get +educated. + +Some things you CAN'T find out; but you will never know you can't by +guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on +experimenting until you find out that you can't find out. And it is +delightful to have it that way, it makes the world so interesting. If +there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to +find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find +out and finding out, and I don't know but more so. The secret of the +water was a treasure until I GOT it; then the excitement all went away, +and I recognized a sense of loss. + +By experiment I know that wood swims, and dry leaves, and feathers, and +plenty of other things; therefore by all that cumulative evidence you +know that a rock will swim; but you have to put up with simply knowing +it, for there isn't any way to prove it--up to now. But I shall find a +way--then THAT excitement will go. Such things make me sad; because by +and by when I have found out everything there won't be any more +excitements, and I do love excitements so! The other night I couldn't +sleep for thinking about it. + +At first I couldn't make out what I was made for, but now I think it was +to search out the secrets of this wonderful world and be happy and thank +the Giver of it all for devising it. I think there are many things to +learn yet--I hope so; and by economizing and not hurrying too fast I +think they will last weeks and weeks. I hope so. When you cast up a +feather it sails away on the air and goes out of sight; then you throw +up a clod and it doesn't. It comes down, every time. I have tried it and +tried it, and it is always so. I wonder why it is? Of course it +DOESN'T come down, but why should it SEEM to? I suppose it is an optical +illusion. I mean, one of them is. I don't know which one. It may be +the feather, it may be the clod; I can't prove which it is, I can only +demonstrate that one or the other is a fake, and let a person take his +choice. + +By watching, I know that the stars are not going to last. I have seen +some of the best ones melt and run down the sky. Since one can melt, +they can all melt; since they can all melt, they can all melt the same +night. That sorrow will come--I know it. I mean to sit up every night +and look at them as long as I can keep awake; and I will impress those +sparkling fields on my memory, so that by and by when they are taken +away I can by my fancy restore those lovely myriads to the black sky and +make them sparkle again, and double them by the blur of my tears. + + + +After the Fall + +When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful, +surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and +I shall not see it any more. + +The Garden is lost, but I have found HIM, and am content. He loves me as +well as he can; I love him with all the strength of my passionate +nature, and this, I think, is proper to my youth and sex. If I ask +myself why I love him, I find I do not know, and do not really much care +to know; so I suppose that this kind of love is not a product of +reasoning and statistics, like one's love for other reptiles and +animals. I think that this must be so. I love certain birds because of +their song; but I do not love Adam on account of his singing--no, it is +not that; the more he sings the more I do not get reconciled to it. Yet +I ask him to sing, because I wish to learn to like everything he is +interested in. I am sure I can learn, because at first I could not stand +it, but now I can. It sours the milk, but it doesn't matter; I can get +used to that kind of milk. + +It is not on account of his brightness that I love him--no, it is not +that. He is not to blame for his brightness, such as it is, for he did +not make it himself; he is as God make him, and that is sufficient. +There was a wise purpose in it, THAT I know. In time it will develop, +though I think it will not be sudden; and besides, there is no hurry; he +is well enough just as he is. + +It is not on account of his gracious and considerate ways and his +delicacy that I love him. No, he has lacks in this regard, but he is +well enough just so, and is improving. + +It is not on account of his industry that I love him--no, it is not +that. I think he has it in him, and I do not know why he conceals it +from me. It is my only pain. Otherwise he is frank and open with me, +now. I am sure he keeps nothing from me but this. It grieves me that he +should have a secret from me, and sometimes it spoils my sleep, thinking +of it, but I will put it out of my mind; it shall not trouble my +happiness, which is otherwise full to overflowing. + +It is not on account of his education that I love him--no, it is not +that. He is self-educated, and does really know a multitude of things, +but they are not so. + +It is not on account of his chivalry that I love him--no, it is not +that. He told on me, but I do not blame him; it is a peculiarity of sex, +I think, and he did not make his sex. Of course I would not have told +on him, I would have perished first; but that is a peculiarity of sex, +too, and I do not take credit for it, for I did not make my sex. + +Then why is it that I love him? MERELY BECAUSE HE IS MASCULINE, I +think. + +At bottom he is good, and I love him for that, but I could love him +without it. If he should beat me and abuse me, I should go on loving +him. I know it. It is a matter of sex, I think. + +He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and +am proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities. If he +were plain, I should love him; if he were a wreck, I should love him; +and I would work for him, and slave over him, and pray for him, and +watch by his bedside until I died. + +Yes, I think I love him merely because he is MINE and is MASCULINE. +There is no other reason, I suppose. And so I think it is as I first +said: that this kind of love is not a product of reasonings and +statistics. It just COMES--none knows whence--and cannot explain +itself. And doesn't need to. + +It is what I think. But I am only a girl, the first that has examined +this matter, and it may turn out that in my ignorance and inexperience I +have not got it right. + + + +Forty Years Later + +It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life +together--a longing which shall never perish from the earth, but shall +have place in the heart of every wife that loves, until the end of time; +and it shall be called by my name. + +But if one of us must go first, it is my prayer that it shall be I; for +he is strong, I am weak, I am not so necessary to him as he is to me +--life without him would not be life; how could I endure it? This prayer +is also immortal, and will not cease from being offered up while my race +continues. I am the first wife; and in the last wife I shall be +repeated. + + + +At Eve's Grave + +ADAM: Wheresoever she was, THERE was Eden. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Eve's Diary, Complete +by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK EVE'S DIARY, COMPLETE *** + +***** This file should be named 8525-0.txt or 8525-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/8/5/2/8525/ + +Produced by David Widger and Cindy Rosenthal + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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