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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/78606-0.txt b/78606-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c6cf64b --- /dev/null +++ b/78606-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,764 @@ +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78606 *** + + + + + SAY IT WITH BRICKS + BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM + + + + + SAY IT WITH OIL + BY RING W. LARDNER + + + + + _Say It With Bricks_ + A FEW REMARKS ABOUT HUSBANDS + + BY + _Nina Wilcox Putnam_ + + _Author of “Laughter Limited,” “West Broadway,” “Tomorrow We Diet,” + etc._ + + +[Illustration: NEW YORK] + + GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY + + + _Copyright, 1923, + By George H. Doran Company_ + +[Illustration] + + + COPYRIGHT, 1922, + BY THE CROWELL PUBLISHING COMPANY + + SAY IT WITH BRICKS. II + + PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA + + + _To_ + + JOHN M. SIDDALL + + _Who suggested the idea, I dedicate + my half of this ½ portion book, + With best regards_ + N. W. P. + + + + + _Say It with Bricks_ + + +My Publisher is a nice man, but he has got a way of asking a person that +they should write him pieces about impossible things. And you say why, +no, I can’t do that, and then he will pass some remarks such as oh, +shucks or something, and the next thing a author knows why they are down +in print to the effect he wants them to be. + +That is how I come to refuse to write anything about husbands, because +one day this Publisher says to me why not write what you think about +husbands and I says because it couldn’t be printed. And he says well I +will pay cash for the piece. And I says that is certainly an awful +temptation to any woman, being asked not alone to tell what is on her +mind about husbands, but offering to pay her for doing it, but no, I +don’t think I had better, it wouldn’t be delicate. + +And then I stopped talking so’s he could get a chance to urge me but he +merely sat, and so after a while I thought, well, I had not ought to let +the conversation drag like that, it is not polite, and so I says well, +having had two husbands and been a widow in the meantime, I suppose I am +unusually competent to tell about them. But all he says to that is, I +don’t want I should urge you against your will. And then I seen my +chance slipping, so I says well I might leave out that part about what I +think of husbands and make a few remarks merely about what I _know_ +about them and he says, well try what you can do. And I says, oh dear, I +don’t think I have anything to say about husbands, and he says all +right, I’m sorry. + +So I went home and I met my husband in the hall and he was looking +through the bills that the postman had left, the old ones with the dust +on them as well as the nice clean new ones; I suppose he was trying +could he by luck find something readable. And I says hello George what +do you think, I got a job to write a piece about husbands, and he says, +well, if you do I will break your neck. + +Well after that I guess you can figure out for yourself what I at once +thought, and that I suddenly found I had several things to say about +husbands, after all. Or, if a husband yourself, why undoubtedly you will +know what was going on in what George calls his mind when he passed that +remark. So I will merely proceed and tell you about the talk I and he +had concerning why I should not write this story, and how I come to +refuse to do it. + +Well, when George says that about my neck, and so forth, I come back at +him with, since when are you telling me what I am to write? And he says +I should think some things was sacred, and I says, do you actually +believe there is anything sacred about the things you are afraid I will +tell on you? And he says well, husbands is a outrageous subject, and +then I says yeh, you said a mouthful. And then he says well, I forbid +you to write it, anyways. + +And believe you me that is where George pulled a boner, because of +course that decided me, and I made up my mind I wanted to write it, and +that I would do so only for being fond of my neck and having already +told my Publisher I would not. But I says to George how do you get that +forbid stuff? and he says in the marriage ceremony, didn’t you promise +to love, honor, and obey? And I says I did not, Gorgeous, not at my 2d +marriage, which was to you, on account I had already been stung that way +once. And George didn’t have any comeback to that because, come to think +of it, that was the truth. Which only goes to prove how much clearer +women remembers their marriages than men do. + + +Well, they generally have more cause to on account husbands go out in +the morning and leave marriage behind them for the whole entire day, +that is unless they are the kind comes home for lunch. But as a rule +they usually outgrow home-lunches after about the 1st yr., and coming +home to lunch is one of the few bad habits a wife can cure after +marriage. Other bad habits such as gambling, drinking, and preferring +toothpicks to any other form of dessert, why if he has these habits +while still a man, it is likely they will not get better when he has +become merely a husband, and you know the old saying about no man will +reform after marriage if he won’t before and I always say, well why +would he. + +Well anyways I had it on George, see, because of me having been married +1 time before, and I knew enough to leave that obey stuff out the 2d +time and other items as well. And what is further, a 1st husband is a +great weapon and every married woman should have one, because no matter +what he was like when living, if no longer so, you can always hold him +up as a sample. No matter what George does, why I am in the position to +say, well Joe never did. So my advice to young girls is always have a +1st husband somewhere in your past, even if you have to invent him, then +you can pull the Tom-never-acted-like-that stuff, and even though your +husband will say, no, thank heaven, I am not such a dumb-bell, or maybe +let on like he thought you was exaggerating a good deal, why, you can at +least have the comfort of kidding yourself that maybe life would of been +sweeter with Tom if only I hadn’t made this terrible mistake, and ect. + +Now there are quite a few things all husbands have in common and believe +me common is just what I mean. I don’t know how they get that way unless +it’s an infection, but going around the room with a shirt on and a neck +band with one collar button fastened in front and one sticking out +behind but as yet no collar to justify it, is common indeed to all of +them, and in the mind of any wife living, should constitute grounds for +divorce. I don’t know just what is wrong about a husband with no collar +but a adams-apple working where a necktie ought to be, but something is. +It ought to be stopped by law. + +Another outrage that we wives have to endure is the license husbands get +to tell the same story in our presence as many times as he can find a +victim who has either never heard this story, see, or is too polite to +admit that he has when he finds out how anxious George is to tell it. +And not alone are we wives expected to listen for the thousandth time +without protest, but we are actually expected to lead up to this story +when in company, of our own free will, and give him the chance to tell +it, and what is even stranger, we do. + +We wives also suffer a lot from teethbrushing, and if somebody would +only invent a silencer for husband’s tooth brushes they would confer a +big favor on humanity. And to see the ideal of our girlhood days who we +had only considered as perpetually wearing a dress suit, come wandering +out of the bathroom in a undershirt, suspenders draped gracefully over +both hips, a face like a soap-bubble-party gone wrong, waving a razor +and passing some remark about hey listen, whatter you think I told that +old cheese of a manager of ours to-day, well, a thing like that is a +terrible blow to love’s young dream. In fact it is generally sufficient +of a blow to knock said dream for a goal, and yet a person has to endure +it year after year and smile and say nothing except maybe “What, dear?” +or something. + + +Of course, if George was ever to stop doing it I would have a fit and +commence to think there was another woman, and be as completely, +comfortably miserable as only a wife can be when she has nothing else to +do. But just the same it is grounds for complaint. + +Then on the other hand I will admit that husbands is got their good +points. For a sample, if you got to help them push their old jokes out +of the garage in public, they will in turn back up any brag that their +wife pulls about what rent we pay or the big salaried position that he +turned down when it was almost offered to him, and ect., and even once +in a while he will confirm something you say you done yourself, such as +making the cake you bought at the woman’s exchange and brought it to the +picnic, for any human wife will fall for a little white lie like that +once in a while. The only trouble is, that a wife is never sure will he +really back her up, or will he say, why, Nina Putnam, that dress ain’t +imported, it’s the one you made me come across with the seventeen-fifty +for, over on Forty-second Street, don’t you remember? And if it should +happen to be one of them days with him, why there is no use pretending +you can’t remember, because he will hound you until you do. + +However, husbands are temperamental and the very next day they will back +you up when you least expect it, even to the extent of speaking to the +cook about the condition of the ice box, and it is these precious +moments keeps us chained to them. + +Husbands’ memories is notedly strong on things like the kind of a cook +his mother was, what he went around the last nine holes in, the exact +raise of salary he needs, and the only time you had one cocktail too +many. But they have a blind spot in their minds when it comes to +anniversaries, mailing letters, and promises to get around more in the +evenings to shows and things like we used to when we was engaged. It’s +no sooner promised than forgotten, with them, but they will hound you to +death over a little thing like a button on a shirt, which you have +overlooked a few times on account of having different things on your +mind such as trying to match that difficult dress sample of Elephant +Blue, or your regular Bridge Thursday. + +Women have so many more things to think of than men do, what with the +Eternal Question of what’ll we eat, and can I trust that new Maggie with +the baby while I run downtown or must I take him over to Mommer’s, and +numerous other details, that it’s a wonder we ever get around to holes +in socks or bawling out the laundry because the only decent dress-shirt +collar out of six—mind you, Nina, the only one that was really any +good—has been chewed at the edges so’s it fits around the neck like a +hack-saw. + +Of course I realize that all the above type of beautiful domestic +detail, which is part of every true woman’s sacred homelife, is +extremely elevating. In fact I have frequently found it so elevating +that I have went right up in the air about it. But programs of that sort +are what any husband expects his wife will gratefully accept, and it’s +the truth she is generally able to discount it, learn to get a little +pleasure out of crabbing about it, and would not give it up for the +world, because then she would have to commence and look around for some +new thing to holler over. One good point about husbands is that they +provide all the subjects for those w. k. female brand of talks +commencing, well I don’t believe in discussing my private affairs with +anybody, but I _will_ say that George, and ect. + +Other good things about husbands is that they are certainly useful for +closing trunks and opening bottles. Also they are good practice for +ladies intending to enter the diplomatic service, which some of us some +day undoubtedly will, now that we have got the vote, and any woman who +has put in a few years managing an average husband will be able to take +a foreign diplomat’s job, and these astute Mike O’Valleys they got over +in them foreign countries, why, they will be a mere child in our hands. + + +Well, if I was to write a story on husbands, one thing I would certainly +do over George’s dead body if necessary is show up a few of the things +husbands have been getting credit for these many years, when all the +credit belonging to them in these respects could be written on a pl. +remit notice. And the first of these false-fronts that they have been +putting up is that a woman is never ready on time and a husband is +always champing at the leash with his watch in one paw hollering out +remarks about the first act or the last train or something, while his +better half is making herself look as much better as she knows how and +taking not alone her own time about it, but everybody else’s time as +well. + +Now where every husband I have had is concerned, it is enough to say, +dinner is ready, dear, for him to beat it in the opposite direction from +the dining-room to wash his hands and comb his hair and peer at his +collar, and feel does he need a shave and this is especially true if we +have a omelet or pea soup. Even then he will not take the blame, but try +to hold the cook responsible for the fact that the omelet has fell and +he was not there with the old field work, or that the pea soup is all +right, only now being cold all it needs is a little wall paper and a +brush to go with it. On time? The only thing a typical husband is ever +on time for is his own funeral and that generally occurs too late to be +of any good to his widow. + +More husbands has caused the missing of a first act by forgetting the +tickets than wives has caused the same thing through faults of her own. +And if a wife is not dressed on time for the seven-forty-five car into +town, it is usually because she has got a sudden hole in her silk ones, +or she didn’t get time to curl her hair before dinner on account of that +dreadful Mrs. Hoosis staying so late, or she was cutting out a new pair +of rompers and forgot to stop in time, or some real, genuine reason like +that. + +And as for delaying auto rides, well, it’s a lucky thing I decided _not_ +to write any article telling about husbands, because of the mouthful I +could say on this subject alone, or in company either! The times I have +sat in the car and waited while George took up the hood and looked +earnestly at the engine for a long time, until the engine stared him out +of countenance and he put the hood down again without doing anything +else, but with the eternal hope I would be impressed! Then again the +sitting I have done while he filled the radiator and looked to see did +we need any gas, and made me get up so’s he could get a screw driver out +of the tool box under the seat, and then decide he didn’t need the screw +driver after all, and make me get up again so’s he could put it back! I +have waited while he give the oil gauge a good manicure and cursed when +he discovered he done it with his handkerchief by mistake and gone back +in the house for a clean one, and then decided maybe he would just run +in and get a sweater in case it got cold before we come home. + + +And then, after all those brands of delay, George will get in the +driver’s seat and say, well, we are going to be late, I don’t see why +you couldn’t of been ready on time, and I will say nothing. That is, +nothing except a few words about why don’t you take care of the car in +advance, it is your province, or am I expected to do it as well as all +the housekeeping, because if you say so, I will, and then there won’t be +no delay, and it’s a man’s job, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. +Just merely a few things like that, because I don’t believe in starting +out on a trip sore at each other. + +As for the times I have sat outside of some office when George has said +I want to run in here on business I won’t be a minute, well, I’ll tell +the world he said a mouthful, because he never is a minute, he is an +hour as a general thing. And another time I have waited for a husband is +when he said he would be home early to-night, dear, but he had to work +overtime at the office, after all. + +Well, if I was to write this book I am telling you about, why, those are +a few things I would mention right here, and another bluff about men +which I would dynamite, is about how strong they are. + +Somehow the idea has got around, probably circulated by men, that men +are stronger than women. Well, some of them are strong all right, I +personally myself know one man and he was so strong he captured a wild +packing box on its native hearth, and sat on it to tame it while his +wife took in washing on _her_ native hearth and worked at it for twelve +hours a day. I also know another strong husband who used to clerk in a +drug store, and come home at night all wore out from wrapping up the big +husky gumdrops they carried, to find his wife cheerful and refreshed +from her nice homey day, where she hadn’t a thing to do except the +housework and the marketing and the washing, and a few little things +like that, when she was perfectly free to spend her evening sewing for +the kids. In a coupla years this husband strained his imagination +lifting a package of absorbent cotton and had to retire for life; but +she, being a weak woman, merely took on a little stenography and they +get along pretty good. + + +So I always claim you can’t tell a sturdy oak from a clinging vine until +they start to grow, and then, on the other hand there is George and his +threat about breaking my neck, and he is perfectly capable of doing it +with one hand, as I know, on account I have seen him open a box of shoe +polish with a single gesture, and after an exhibition of strength like +that, why, I don’t care to take any chance, which is why I couldn’t very +well write this book that he objected to. + +But it does seem a pity, though, for me not to be free to write it +because there are several good things I would like to be able to call +attention to about husbands, and I would put them into the story, and +one of them would be how a husband makes a person feel safe going out +with him, nights, and how they are real handy when you need a little +change. I mean both in the money sense and when you want to get away +from where you are. + +Husbands is also a great comfort in a lonely house at night, and the +superstition about they will chase burglars has reached such a popular +point that old maids frequently keep a male hat or two parked on the +rack in the hall, hoping all burglars will enter by the front door, see +the hats and be so scared they will beat it at once. But these old +maids, why they do it in their innocence on account they have no real +experience. And anyone on the inside knows that a genuine husband, if +his attention is called to some noise, will merely pull the blanket +further up over his head and say oh, nonsense, it is only that darn cat +again, how many times have I got to get up at night and stalk that +animal. Still, it is better to have a husband in the house than a mere +hat, because then if the burglar does come, at least you can die +together, or maybe it will be only the husband that will get injured. + +Another thing I would love to discuss on the subject of husbands and why +they are that way, is mothers-in-law of both sexes. Few people is lucky +enough to marry orphans, and a mother-in-law on one side of the family +is a element in almost any marriage. And believe you me, a husband’s +mother has got it on a wife’s mother, and when she comes to visit she +may be as nice as nature allows in such trying circumstances, but she +has a far more eagle-eye on the way you run things for her boy than your +mother ever has on friend husband and the way he is treating you. And +this is because his mother always has a you-stole-him-from-me-hussy! +feeling toward you, while your own mommer, no matter how she may pick on +him as a provider and she usually does, though in a nice way, well, she +always has a dash of thank-heaven-you-took-her-off-my-hands in her +manner. Which naturally makes him more so than ever, if you get me. + + +Now I have give a lot of serious thought to marriage, and if I was ever +to write a piece about it, I would admit that, honest, there is +something funny about marriage. I mean funny in the most serious sense. +There is something about marriage does funny things to people once they +get into it. I mean funny things such as being nasty to each other, and +cruel, sometimes, and even unfair. It takes a nice, snappy-dressed young +chap that is crazy about going to the pictures and is a regular +spendthrift with ice-cream sodas, after, and plants him in the back +parlor with his vest unbuttoned, his face under a newspaper and his feet +under the lamp. It likewise grows curl papers and dressing sacks on +females that once took ’em off before he had a chance to see ’em. +Marriage goes even further. It runs up bills for groceries instead of +for taxis: it traps a person into having a bunch of kids that looked +fine on magazine covers when we was engaged, but now look best when +finally in bed and asleep. In fact, anybody who could write, could +holler on about marriage and husbands and what is wrong with them, with +all the violence of a Red Radical and with more truth by far, because +pretty near any complaint you can make about husbands and marriage would +be a true one. And only one thing about them has got me buffaloed. Would +I be willing to do without them? And the answer to that is “No.” + +Because for the life of me I can’t think of any better arrangement to +take the place of marriage, and neither have I seen anybody else of who +it was a true fact that they have found something just as good. These +free-love-radicals that you read about in the papers, why as a rule +their chief dread in life is that somebody will look up the marriage +records in their home town and expose to the world the horrid fact that +they are not living in sin after all, for somebody is always taking the +bull out of life, and leaving us face to face with the truth. And in +this case I guess we will have to reluctantly admit that marriage is the +best way to get rid of a troublesome suitor, of which we know as yet. + +Personally, I am for it, even after a coupla trys, and I got a feeling +that there is in marriage, something that a person might justifiably +call divine, and also a sneaking idea, which I naturally put out of my +head as quick as possible whenever it comes to me, and that idea is that +maybe there is nothing wrong with marriage itself, but that the trouble +is with the ones that goes into it. I have, as I mentioned, tried it +twice. Maybe it is like eating peanuts, you don’t know when to stop. But +then again it may be because of some holy thing that a woman can find in +a good husband. And if I was to write a book about husbands, I would +tell you what this is. And if I did, why then George _would_ break my +neck, and I don’t know that I would be able to blame him! + + + + + _Say It With Oil_ + A FEW REMARKS ABOUT WIVES + + + BY + + _Ring W. Lardner_ + + _Author of “You Know Me, Al,” “Gullible’s Travels,” “The Big Town,” + etc._ + + +[Illustration: NEW YORK] + + GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY + + + _Copyright, 1923, + By George H. Doran Company_ + +[Illustration] + + + COPYRIGHT, 1922, + BY THE CROWELL PUBLISHING COMPANY + + SAY IT WITH OIL. II + + PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA + + + _My ½ of this book + is dedicated to + whoever likes it better + than the other ½_ + R. W. L. + + + + + _Say It with Oil_ + + +My Publisher asked me would I write a book on my impressions in regards +to wives. + +“Well,” I says, “I have only got the one wife, and wile I admit she has +made quite an impression, still and all it seems to me like you ought to +get a hold of a husband with more experience.” + +So he says: + +“Yes, I know you have only got one yourself, but you must be acquainted +with a whole lot of them.” + +“I suppose I am,” I said, blushing furiously; “I guess I am personally +acquainted with practally every A-No. 1 wife around N. Y. City except +Nina Wilcox Putnam.” + +The Publisher jumped as if stang by a bee. + +“That is almost uncanny you mentioning her name,” he said. “She is the +lady who has wrote up a story in regards to husbands, and what I am +asking you to write is a kind of a reply to what she wrote. Because I +would not be loyal to my sex was I to print her scatheing arrangement of +the male gender and not give no space to our defense.” + +“All right,” I said; “but I can’t conduct no defense without knowing +what is the charges, so before I reply to her story I would better see +it first.” + +So he showed me the story, and I read it, and you can read it for +yourselfs as it is printed elsewheres in this book under the dainty _nom +de plume_ of “Say It With Bricks,” only I suppose the proof-readers has +kind of fixed it up since I seen it, as it struck me that the lady in +question has studied husbands at the expense of grammar and spelling. + +But before dealing with her story, and wile still cool, I would like to +state the cold facts which the gen. public is well aware of same, but +for one reason and another don’t care to confess it even to themselfs. +One fact is that a man defending husbands vs. wives, or men vs. women +has got about as much chance as a traffic policeman trying to stop a mad +dog by blowing 2 whistles. Another fact is that, with all the recent +jokeing about give us equal rights and etc. the wives has got the +husbands licked to a pulp and has had them licked for hundreds of yrs., +and same can be proved by consulting the works of any writer young or +old that touches on the subject. + +We will take for inst. the dictionary, and what does it say about a +husband? The 1st. definition is a husbandman, which don’t mean nothing. +The 2d. definition is a frugal person, an economist. The 3d. definition +is a man who has a wife. In other wds. Mr. Webster realized that his +book wouldn’t have no sale unless it tickled the women-folks, so before +he dast come out and say that a husband is a man with a wife, he had to +call him a tightwad. + +Now what is the definition of a wife? Well, he says she is the lawful +consort of a man, and it don’t require no Shylock Holmes to figure out +that what he meant to say, but was scared to say, was, _awful_ consort. + +Back toward the end of the same book you will run across the wd. +uxoricide which means the murder of a wife by her husband. But nowheres +in the book will you find a wd. that means the murder of a husband by a +wife. Unless it’s the wd. congratulations. + +In this connection it might be well to point out the fine bunch of equal +rights with which the happy pair embarks on the matrimonial seas. If +either one of them ain’t satisfied with the other, why they have got +equal rights to shoot. But if it’s the wife that gets bumped off, the +husband has got exclusive rights to a seat in the electric chair, or +strap hanging by his Adam’s apple, or spending the rest of his life in a +bird cage. If, however, the husband was the target, why the worst that +can happen to mother is that she will half to poll the jury with kisses, +which can’t be such a hardship even granting that statistics is accurate +and that 10 out of every 12 good men and true is kindly disposed toward +eating-tobacco. + +But to return to the writers, why you can’t find more than a couple of +them great or small but what has came out in print or in speeches before +the Rotary Club to the effect that their success and everybody else’s +was due to their wives or sweethearts. They know a whole lot better, but +don’t dast say so. The prominent exceptions to this rule is Francis +Bacon and Rudyard Kipling. Mr. Bacon made the remark that “he that hath +wife and children hath given hostages to fortune, for they are +impediments to great enterprises, either of virtue or mischief.” And Mr. +Kipling wrote one about a good man married being a good man marred, and +another one to the effect that he travels the fastest who travels alone. + +Some nerve these two babies had, but where did it land them? Mr. Bacon +is quite dead and Mr. Kipling wasn’t even invited to Princess Mary’s +wedding. + +The writers of the present day has learnt better than take chances like +that, and you can’t read a story or tend the theatre now days without +getting a fresh sample of log rolling in favor of the squalling sex. +Like for inst. take the play “To the Ladies” where Marc Connelly and +Geo. Kaufman has their leading female character say a line something +like “No man that wasn’t married ever made a name for himself.” Well +they was a whole lot of us guys in the audience with our wives, and when +the line was sprang why we just kind of giggled and smirked as much as +to say “How true that is.” Where as if we had of dared to be nasty we +would of rose up on our legs and said “What about H. L. Mencken and Tris +Speaker and Geo. Ade?” + +Even the authors of the marriage ceremony has woke up to the situation +and agreed to rewrite same and fix themselfs right with the ladies by +leaving out the wd. obey. This is just another public recognition of how +bad we are licked. As a matter of fact the obey rule got obsolete along +about the same time as 1st. bounce is out. And another thing the boys is +going to eliminate is the giving of a woman in marriage, because the +gals don’t like to have it even hinted that anybody has got the right to +give them away like they was a cut glass gold fish bowl or a pen wipper. +So instead of “Who giveth this dame to this guy,” why from now on they +are going to can those lines and substitute a hymn or anthem which will +probably be some song like Oh, what a gal was Mary. + +So much for Man’s position in the Standing of the Clubs and the fat +chance I or any other male has got to defend ourself vs. attacks by Mrs. +Putnam or any other member of her lodge. But when I undertake to do a +job why I am one of these here heblooded Americans that never quits till +they are counted out which can’t possibly happen till I been in the +arena 10 seconds. In this case however I expect to last longer than that +for one little reason. The wife I have got don’t read my stuff. +Incidentally that just about describes her. But any way the knowledge +that she don’t read my stuff gives me courage to say a few wds. about +wives and what they are that I wouldn’t dast say if I thought she was +going to read it. + + +Well then here is some of my idears about wives as I have studied them +at home and abroad. + +Wives is people that thinks you ought to eat at 8 o’clock, one o’clock, +and 7 o’clock. If you express yourself as having an appetite for turkey +at midnight they think you are crazy. + +Wives is people that always wants to go home when you don’t and vice +versa. + +Wives is people that ain’t never satisfied as they are always too fat or +too thin. Of all the wives I ever talked to I never run acrost one yet +that was just right. + +Wives is people that thinks 2 ash trays should ought to be plenty for a +12 rm. house. + +Wives is people that asks you what time the 12:55 train gets to New +York. “At 1:37,” you tell them. “How do you know?” they ask. + +Wives is people that sets on the right side of the front seat in their +husband’s costly motor and when he turns down a street to the left they +tell him he ought to of kept straight ahead. + +They are people that you ask them to go to a ball game and they act +tickled to death. So along about the 7th. innings you look at them and +they are fast asleep and you remind them with a delicate punch in the +ribs that they are supposed to be excited. “Oh, yes,” they say. “I love +it.” So you ask them what is the score and they say “St. Louis is ahead, +ain’t they?” “Well,” you say, “I don’t know if St. Louis is ahead or +ain’t ahead, but the game you are watching is between Boston and New +York.” + +That reminds me of one time I took the little woman (I can’t always +remember her first name) to a game in old Chi and it was Cleveland vs. +the White Sox and it was a close game something like 2 to 1 in favor of +somebody and along come the 8th. innings, and Mother, which is how I +sometimes think of her, was sleeping pretty and all of a sudden they was +a big jam down around 1st. base between a citizen named Tris Speaker, +mentioned before in this article and now mentioned again, and Chick +Gandil of blessed memory. As they was taking the shirtless remains of +Chick off of the field I nudged Mamma in the jaw and said: “Did you see +that? It looked to me like Graney took a wallop at him for good +measure.” “Who is ahead?” says the little gal. + +Wives is people who you make an outlay of $50, so as they can set +somewheres in New Jersey during the so-called Dempsey-Carpentier fight +and when it is over, you meet them and ask them how they liked it and +they say Oh, they was thrilled. “Did you see that last punch?” you ask +them. “No,” they say. “I was watching Irma Goldberg.” Who of course is +worth watching even at $50. + + +They are people who you get invited out somewheres with them and you ask +them if they think you ought to shave and they say no, you look all +right. But when you get to wherever you are going they ask everybody to +please forgive Lute as he didn’t have time to shave. + +They are people that kid you because when the morning paper comes the +first thing you look at is the sporting sheet. You leave the paper home +and buy another one to read on the way downtown. When you get home that +evening, in trying to make conversation you remark that it was kind of +sad, the Kaiser’s wife dying in exile. “I didn’t know she was dead,” +says Ma. “Well,” you tell her, “it was in the morning paper.” “I didn’t +notice it,” she says. “It must of been on the front page.” + +They are people that never have nothing that is fit to wear. + +They are people that think when the telephone bell rings it is against +the law to not answer it. + +They are people whose watch is always a ¼ of a hr. off either one way or +the other. But they wouldn’t have no idear what time it was any way as +this daylight savings gets them all balled up. + +The above observations is made without resentment as I have no complaint +vs. wives in gen. or anybody’s wife in particular. Personly I get along +fine with whatever her name is and am perfectly satisfied with my home, +which I often call my castle. I also refer to it sometimes as jail, but +only in a joking way. + +But here I am in jail and supposed to be defending my sex vs. the +opponents and as I said before what a fat chance. However I promised the +old boy that I would answer Mrs. Putnam’s story, and a promise is a +promise especially when you get paid for it. + +So will point out in the beginning that Mrs. Putnam denies all through +her story that it is a story and she certainly hit the nail on the +hammer that time. What it reads like to me is pure fiction. Like for +inst. she gives you the impression that whenever she seen her husbands +before she married them, they always had on a dress suit. Well friends I +think you will find the fact is that when a kid is 16 or 17 yrs. of age +he gets a dress suit and by the time he is 19 yrs. of age he couldn’t +get it on with a shoe horn, and from that age to when he gets married he +don’t have no more dress suit than Robinson Crusoe and he wouldn’t never +have no more dress suit as long as he lived if she didn’t insist on him +joining the Rotarians. + +The lady’s complaint is that after being used to him in nothing but +dress suits wile he was doing the alleged courting, why it is a kind of +a blow to see him walking around the rm. in his shaving uniform with his +suspenders draped over his hips. In reply to that will say that the lady +shouldn’t ought to of had no trouble picking out a husband with +something on his hip besides suspenders. + + +Another complaint is how much noise a husband makes with his tooth +brush. Well if a man is at all musical they’s no instrument he won’t +attempt to play on and besides what good is brushing your teeth if you +are going to keep it a secret. + +And another complaint is that husbands prefers toothpicks to any other +form of dessert. I don’t think this is entirely fair because they’s some +desserts that you get in hotels and restaurants that a person would +really relish more than a toothpick, whereas they’s desserts that is +served in some private homes than whom a person would not only rather +have toothpicks but sulphur matches if necessary. + +The lady says it is husbands that is always delaying the game and when +they are told that dinner is ready, dear, why it is then and then only +that they start to wash their hands and brush their hair. Our reply to +that is that when the little woman says dinner is ready you can +generally always figure on anywheres from 10 minutes to a ½ hr. before +they’s anything on the table but flies. + +As for husbands causing the missing of the first act, judgeing from the +most of the plays I seen lately she should ought to be grateful for that +and if he is even slower and makes her miss the whole show she ought to +kiss him. + +Now then along toward the finish of her story the lady says something +which I will half to quote as it is such a pretty sentiment namely, “Any +complaint you can make about husbands and marriage would be a true one. +And only one thing about them (meaning husbands) has got me buffaloed. +Would I be willing to do without them? And the answer to that is ‘No.’” + +Well friends it is hard to bear ill will toward a writer that kind of +softens her tirade with such a neat little compliment as that and it +looks to me like it would be no more than gentlemanly on my part to +reply to same in kind. For inst. + +“Pretty near any complaint you make about wives, why it is true though +they will probably resent it. But I often ask myself the question could +I get along without them? And the answer to that is that I got along +without none for twenty-five yrs. and never felt better in my life. +Believe you me.” + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + + + + + TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES + + + ● Fixed typos; non-standard spelling and dialect retained. + ● This is a novelty volume in which _Say It with Bricks_ occupies one + half, and when the book is flipped, _Say It with Oil_ begins (or + vice versa). + Accordingly, _Say It with Oil_ appears midway through the uploaded + material, complete with its own title page. + _Bricks_ is written by a woman about men, while _Oil_ is written by + a man about women. + ● Enclosed italics font in _underscores_. + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78606 *** diff --git a/78606-h/78606-h.htm b/78606-h/78606-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3047fe0 --- /dev/null +++ b/78606-h/78606-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1266 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html> +<html lang="en"> + <head> + <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1"> + <meta charset="UTF-8"> + <title>Say It With Bricks—Say It With Oil | Project Gutenberg</title> + <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover"> + <style> + body { margin-left: 8%; 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} + .x-ebookmaker .covernote { visibility: visible; display: block; } + .figcenter {font-size: .9em; page-break-inside: avoid; max-width: 100%; } + h1 {line-height: 150%; } + .chapter { clear: both; page-break-before: always; } + body {font-family: Garamond, Georgia, serif; text-align: justify; } + table {font-size: .9em; padding: 1.5em .5em 1em; page-break-inside: avoid; + clear: both; } + div.titlepage {text-align: center; page-break-before: always; + page-break-after: always; } + div.titlepage p {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; + line-height: 1.5; margin-top: 3em; } + .ph1 { text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; font-size: xx-large; + margin: .67em auto; page-break-before: always; } + .ph2 { text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; + page-break-before: always; } + .x-ebookmaker p.dropcap:first-letter { float: left; } + .pageno {color: #585858; font-size: small; background-color:#ffffff; } + </style> + </head> + + <body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78606 ***</div> + + +<div class='tnotes covernote'> + +<p class='c000'><strong>Transcriber’s Note:</strong></p> + +<p class='c000'>New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the public domain.</p> + +</div> + +<div class='chapter ph1'> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c001'> + <div>SAY IT WITH BRICKS</div> + <div><span class='xlarge'>BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM</span></div> + </div> +</div> + +</div> + +<div class='chapter ph1'> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c001'> + <div>SAY IT WITH OIL</div> + <div><span class='xlarge'>BY RING W. LARDNER</span></div> + </div> +</div> + +</div> + +<div class='titlepage'> + +<div> + <h1 class='c002'><cite>Say It With Bricks</cite><br> <span class='large'>A FEW REMARKS ABOUT HUSBANDS</span></h1> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c003'> + <div>BY</div> + <div><span class='xlarge'><i>Nina Wilcox Putnam</i></span></div> + <div class='c003'><i>Author of “Laughter Limited,” “West Broadway,” “Tomorrow We Diet,” etc.</i></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='c004 figcenter id001'> +<img src='images/brickstitle.jpg' alt='NEW YORK' class='ig001'> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> + <div class='nf-center'> + <div>GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY</div> + </div> +</div> + +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c004'> + <div><span class='small'><i>Copyright, 1923,</i></span></div> + <div><span class='small'><i>By George H. Doran Company</i></span></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='figcenter id002'> +<img src='images/bricksverso.jpg' alt='' class='ig001'> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c004'> + <div><span class='small'>COPYRIGHT, 1922,</span></div> + <div><span class='small'>BY THE CROWELL PUBLISHING COMPANY</span></div> + <div class='c003'><span class='small'>SAY IT WITH BRICKS. II</span></div> + <div class='c003'><span class='small'>PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA</span></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c004'> + <div><i>To</i></div> + <div class='c003'>JOHN M. SIDDALL</div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='lg-container-b'> + <div class='linegroup'> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line'><i>Who suggested the idea, I dedicate</i></div> + <div class='line'><i>my half of this ½ portion book,</i></div> + <div class='line in8'><i>With best regards</i></div> + <div class='line in24'>N. W. P.</div> + </div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='chapter'> + <span class='pageno' id='Page_9'>9</span> + <h2 class='c005'><cite>Say It with Bricks</cite></h2> +</div> + +<p class='drop-capa0_0_7 c006'>My Publisher is a nice man, but +he has got a way of asking a +person that they should write +him pieces about impossible things. And +you say why, no, I can’t do that, and then +he will pass some remarks such as oh, shucks +or something, and the next thing a author +knows why they are down in print to the +effect he wants them to be.</p> + +<p class='c007'>That is how I come to refuse to write +anything about husbands, because one day +this Publisher says to me why not write +what you think about husbands and I says +because it couldn’t be printed. And he says +well I will pay cash for the piece. And I +says that is certainly an awful temptation +to any woman, being asked not alone to tell +what is on her mind about husbands, but +<span class='pageno' id='Page_10'>10</span>offering to pay her for doing it, but no, I +don’t think I had better, it wouldn’t be +delicate.</p> + +<p class='c007'>And then I stopped talking so’s he could +get a chance to urge me but he merely sat, +and so after a while I thought, well, I had +not ought to let the conversation drag like +that, it is not polite, and so I says well, having +had two husbands and been a widow in +the meantime, I suppose I am unusually +competent to tell about them. But all he +says to that is, I don’t want I should urge +you against your will. And then I seen my +chance slipping, so I says well I might leave +out that part about what I think of husbands +and make a few remarks merely about what +I <i>know</i> about them and he says, well try +what you can do. And I says, oh dear, I +don’t think I have anything to say about +husbands, and he says all right, I’m sorry.</p> + +<p class='c007'>So I went home and I met my husband +in the hall and he was looking through the +<span class='pageno' id='Page_11'>11</span>bills that the postman had left, the old ones +with the dust on them as well as the nice +clean new ones; I suppose he was trying +could he by luck find something readable. +And I says hello George what do you think, +I got a job to write a piece about husbands, +and he says, well, if you do I will break +your neck.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Well after that I guess you can figure +out for yourself what I at once thought, +and that I suddenly found I had several +things to say about husbands, after all. Or, +if a husband yourself, why undoubtedly you +will know what was going on in what +George calls his mind when he passed that +remark. So I will merely proceed and tell +you about the talk I and he had concerning +why I should not write this story, and how +I come to refuse to do it.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Well, when George says that about my +neck, and so forth, I come back at him with, +since when are you telling me what I am +<span class='pageno' id='Page_12'>12</span>to write? And he says I should think some +things was sacred, and I says, do you actually +believe there is anything sacred about +the things you are afraid I will tell on you? +And he says well, husbands is a outrageous +subject, and then I says yeh, you said a +mouthful. And then he says well, I forbid +you to write it, anyways.</p> + +<p class='c007'>And believe you me that is where George +pulled a boner, because of course that decided +me, and I made up my mind I wanted +to write it, and that I would do so only for +being fond of my neck and having already +told my Publisher I would not. But I says +to George how do you get that forbid stuff? +and he says in the marriage ceremony, +didn’t you promise to love, honor, and +obey? And I says I did not, Gorgeous, not +at my 2d marriage, which was to you, on +account I had already been stung that way +once. And George didn’t have any comeback +to that because, come to think of it, +<span class='pageno' id='Page_13'>13</span>that was the truth. Which only goes to +prove how much clearer women remembers +their marriages than men do.</p> + +<p class='c008'>Well, they generally have more cause to +on account husbands go out in the morning +and leave marriage behind them for the +whole entire day, that is unless they are the +kind comes home for lunch. But as a rule +they usually outgrow home-lunches after +about the 1st yr., and coming home to lunch +is one of the few bad habits a wife can cure +after marriage. Other bad habits such as +gambling, drinking, and preferring toothpicks +to any other form of dessert, why if +he has these habits while still a man, it is +likely they will not get better when he has +become merely a husband, and you know +the old saying about no man will reform +after marriage if he won’t before and I +always say, well why would he.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Well anyways I had it on George, see, +<span class='pageno' id='Page_14'>14</span>because of me having been married 1 time +before, and I knew enough to leave that +obey stuff out the 2d time and other items +as well. And what is further, a 1st husband +is a great weapon and every married +woman should have one, because no matter +what he was like when living, if no +longer so, you can always hold him up as a +sample. No matter what George does, why +I am in the position to say, well Joe never +did. So my advice to young girls is always +have a 1st husband somewhere in your +past, even if you have to invent him, then +you can pull the Tom-never-acted-like-that +stuff, and even though your husband will +say, no, thank heaven, I am not such a +dumb-bell, or maybe let on like he thought +you was exaggerating a good deal, why, +you can at least have the comfort of kidding +yourself that maybe life would of been +sweeter with Tom if only I hadn’t made +this terrible mistake, and ect.</p> + +<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_15'>15</span>Now there are quite a few things all husbands +have in common and believe me common +is just what I mean. I don’t know how +they get that way unless it’s an infection, +but going around the room with a shirt on +and a neck band with one collar button +fastened in front and one sticking out behind +but as yet no collar to justify it, is +common indeed to all of them, and in the +mind of any wife living, should constitute +grounds for divorce. I don’t know just +what is wrong about a husband with no +collar but a adams-apple working where a +necktie ought to be, but something is. It +ought to be stopped by law.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Another outrage that we wives have to +endure is the license husbands get to tell +the same story in our presence as many +times as he can find a victim who has either +never heard this story, see, or is too polite +to admit that he has when he finds out how +anxious George is to tell it. And not alone +<span class='pageno' id='Page_16'>16</span>are we wives expected to listen for the thousandth +time without protest, but we are actually +expected to lead up to this story when +in company, of our own free will, and give +him the chance to tell it, and what is even +stranger, we do.</p> + +<p class='c007'>We wives also suffer a lot from teethbrushing, +and if somebody would only invent +a silencer for husband’s tooth brushes +they would confer a big favor on humanity. +And to see the ideal of our girlhood days +who we had only considered as perpetually +wearing a dress suit, come wandering out of +the bathroom in a undershirt, suspenders +draped gracefully over both hips, a face like +a soap-bubble-party gone wrong, waving a +razor and passing some remark about hey +listen, whatter you think I told that old +cheese of a manager of ours to-day, well, +a thing like that is a terrible blow to love’s +young dream. In fact it is generally sufficient +of a blow to knock said dream for +<span class='pageno' id='Page_17'>17</span>a goal, and yet a person has to endure it +year after year and smile and say nothing +except maybe “What, dear?” or something.</p> + +<p class='c008'>Of course, if George was ever to stop doing +it I would have a fit and commence to +think there was another woman, and be as +completely, comfortably miserable as only +a wife can be when she has nothing else to +do. But just the same it is grounds for +complaint.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Then on the other hand I will admit that +husbands is got their good points. For a +sample, if you got to help them push their +old jokes out of the garage in public, they +will in turn back up any brag that their +wife pulls about what rent we pay or the +big salaried position that he turned down +when it was almost offered to him, and ect., +and even once in a while he will confirm +something you say you done yourself, such +as making the cake you bought at the +<span class='pageno' id='Page_18'>18</span>woman’s exchange and brought it to the +picnic, for any human wife will fall for a +little white lie like that once in a while. +The only trouble is, that a wife is never +sure will he really back her up, or will he +say, why, Nina Putnam, that dress ain’t imported, +it’s the one you made me come across +with the seventeen-fifty for, over on Forty-second +Street, don’t you remember? And if +it should happen to be one of them days +with him, why there is no use pretending +you can’t remember, because he will hound +you until you do.</p> + +<p class='c007'>However, husbands are temperamental +and the very next day they will back you +up when you least expect it, even to the +extent of speaking to the cook about the condition +of the ice box, and it is these precious +moments keeps us chained to them.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Husbands’ memories is notedly strong on +things like the kind of a cook his mother +was, what he went around the last nine holes +<span class='pageno' id='Page_19'>19</span>in, the exact raise of salary he needs, and +the only time you had one cocktail too +many. But they have a blind spot in their +minds when it comes to anniversaries, mailing +letters, and promises to get around more +in the evenings to shows and things like we +used to when we was engaged. It’s no +sooner promised than forgotten, with them, +but they will hound you to death over a +little thing like a button on a shirt, which +you have overlooked a few times on account +of having different things on your mind +such as trying to match that difficult dress +sample of Elephant Blue, or your regular +Bridge Thursday.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Women have so many more things to +think of than men do, what with the Eternal +Question of what’ll we eat, and can I trust +that new Maggie with the baby while I run +downtown or must I take him over to +Mommer’s, and numerous other details, +that it’s a wonder we ever get around to +<span class='pageno' id='Page_20'>20</span>holes in socks or bawling out the laundry +because the only decent dress-shirt collar +out of six—mind you, Nina, the only one +that was really any good—has been chewed +at the edges so’s it fits around the neck like +a hack-saw.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Of course I realize that all the above type +of beautiful domestic detail, which is part +of every true woman’s sacred homelife, is +extremely elevating. In fact I have frequently +found it so elevating that I have +went right up in the air about it. But programs +of that sort are what any husband +expects his wife will gratefully accept, and +it’s the truth she is generally able to discount +it, learn to get a little pleasure out of +crabbing about it, and would not give it up +for the world, because then she would have +to commence and look around for some new +thing to holler over. One good point +about husbands is that they provide all the +subjects for those w. k. female brand of +<span class='pageno' id='Page_21'>21</span>talks commencing, well I don’t believe in +discussing my private affairs with anybody, +but I <i>will</i> say that George, and ect.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Other good things about husbands is +that they are certainly useful for closing +trunks and opening bottles. Also they are +good practice for ladies intending to enter +the diplomatic service, which some of us +some day undoubtedly will, now that we +have got the vote, and any woman who has +put in a few years managing an average husband +will be able to take a foreign diplomat’s +job, and these astute Mike O’Valleys +they got over in them foreign countries, +why, they will be a mere child in our +hands.</p> + +<p class='c008'>Well, if I was to write a story on husbands, +one thing I would certainly do over +George’s dead body if necessary is show up +a few of the things husbands have been getting +credit for these many years, when all +<span class='pageno' id='Page_22'>22</span>the credit belonging to them in these respects +could be written on a pl. remit notice. +And the first of these false-fronts that they +have been putting up is that a woman is +never ready on time and a husband is always +champing at the leash with his watch in one +paw hollering out remarks about the first +act or the last train or something, while his +better half is making herself look as much +better as she knows how and taking not +alone her own time about it, but everybody +else’s time as well.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Now where every husband I have had is +concerned, it is enough to say, dinner is +ready, dear, for him to beat it in the opposite +direction from the dining-room to +wash his hands and comb his hair and peer +at his collar, and feel does he need a shave +and this is especially true if we have a +omelet or pea soup. Even then he will not +take the blame, but try to hold the cook +responsible for the fact that the omelet has +<span class='pageno' id='Page_23'>23</span>fell and he was not there with the old field +work, or that the pea soup is all right, only +now being cold all it needs is a little wall +paper and a brush to go with it. On time? +The only thing a typical husband is ever on +time for is his own funeral and that generally +occurs too late to be of any good to +his widow.</p> + +<p class='c007'>More husbands has caused the missing of +a first act by forgetting the tickets than +wives has caused the same thing through +faults of her own. And if a wife is not +dressed on time for the seven-forty-five car +into town, it is usually because she has got +a sudden hole in her silk ones, or she didn’t +get time to curl her hair before dinner on +account of that dreadful Mrs. Hoosis staying +so late, or she was cutting out a new pair +of rompers and forgot to stop in time, or +some real, genuine reason like that.</p> + +<p class='c007'>And as for delaying auto rides, well, it’s +a lucky thing I decided <i>not</i> to write any +<span class='pageno' id='Page_24'>24</span>article telling about husbands, because of +the mouthful I could say on this subject +alone, or in company either! The times I +have sat in the car and waited while George +took up the hood and looked earnestly at the +engine for a long time, until the engine +stared him out of countenance and he put +the hood down again without doing anything +else, but with the eternal hope I +would be impressed! Then again the sitting +I have done while he filled the radiator +and looked to see did we need any gas, and +made me get up so’s he could get a screw +driver out of the tool box under the seat, +and then decide he didn’t need the screw +driver after all, and make me get up again +so’s he could put it back! I have waited +while he give the oil gauge a good manicure +and cursed when he discovered he done +it with his handkerchief by mistake and +gone back in the house for a clean one, and +then decided maybe he would just run in +<span class='pageno' id='Page_25'>25</span>and get a sweater in case it got cold before +we come home.</p> + +<p class='c008'>And then, after all those brands of delay, +George will get in the driver’s seat and say, +well, we are going to be late, I don’t see +why you couldn’t of been ready on time, and +I will say nothing. That is, nothing except +a few words about why don’t you take care +of the car in advance, it is your province, +or am I expected to do it as well as all the +housekeeping, because if you say so, I will, +and then there won’t be no delay, and it’s a +man’s job, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. +Just merely a few things like that, +because I don’t believe in starting out on a +trip sore at each other.</p> + +<p class='c007'>As for the times I have sat outside of +some office when George has said I want +to run in here on business I won’t be a +minute, well, I’ll tell the world he said a +mouthful, because he never is a minute, +<span class='pageno' id='Page_26'>26</span>he is an hour as a general thing. And +another time I have waited for a husband +is when he said he would be home early +to-night, dear, but he had to work overtime +at the office, after all.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Well, if I was to write this book I am +telling you about, why, those are a few +things I would mention right here, and +another bluff about men which I would +dynamite, is about how strong they are.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Somehow the idea has got around, probably +circulated by men, that men are +stronger than women. Well, some of them +are strong all right, I personally myself +know one man and he was so strong he captured +a wild packing box on its native +hearth, and sat on it to tame it while his +wife took in washing on <i>her</i> native hearth +and worked at it for twelve hours a day. +I also know another strong husband who +used to clerk in a drug store, and come home +at night all wore out from wrapping up the +<span class='pageno' id='Page_27'>27</span>big husky gumdrops they carried, to find +his wife cheerful and refreshed from her +nice homey day, where she hadn’t a thing +to do except the housework and the marketing +and the washing, and a few little things +like that, when she was perfectly free to +spend her evening sewing for the kids. In +a coupla years this husband strained his +imagination lifting a package of absorbent +cotton and had to retire for life; but she, +being a weak woman, merely took on a +little stenography and they get along pretty +good.</p> + +<p class='c008'>So I always claim you can’t tell a sturdy +oak from a clinging vine until they start to +grow, and then, on the other hand there is +George and his threat about breaking my +neck, and he is perfectly capable of doing +it with one hand, as I know, on account I +have seen him open a box of shoe polish +with a single gesture, and after an exhibition +<span class='pageno' id='Page_28'>28</span>of strength like that, why, I don’t care +to take any chance, which is why I couldn’t +very well write this book that he objected to.</p> + +<p class='c007'>But it does seem a pity, though, for me +not to be free to write it because there are +several good things I would like to be able +to call attention to about husbands, and I +would put them into the story, and one of +them would be how a husband makes a person +feel safe going out with him, nights, and +how they are real handy when you need a +little change. I mean both in the money +sense and when you want to get away from +where you are.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Husbands is also a great comfort in a +lonely house at night, and the superstition +about they will chase burglars has reached +such a popular point that old maids frequently +keep a male hat or two parked on +the rack in the hall, hoping all burglars +will enter by the front door, see the hats +and be so scared they will beat it at once. +<span class='pageno' id='Page_29'>29</span>But these old maids, why they do it in their +innocence on account they have no real experience. +And anyone on the inside knows +that a genuine husband, if his attention is +called to some noise, will merely pull the +blanket further up over his head and say +oh, nonsense, it is only that darn cat again, +how many times have I got to get up at night +and stalk that animal. Still, it is better to +have a husband in the house than a mere hat, +because then if the burglar does come, at +least you can die together, or maybe it will +be only the husband that will get injured.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Another thing I would love to discuss on +the subject of husbands and why they are +that way, is mothers-in-law of both sexes. +Few people is lucky enough to marry +orphans, and a mother-in-law on one side +of the family is a element in almost any +marriage. And believe you me, a husband’s +mother has got it on a wife’s mother, and +when she comes to visit she may be as nice +<span class='pageno' id='Page_30'>30</span>as nature allows in such trying circumstances, +but she has a far more eagle-eye on +the way you run things for her boy than +your mother ever has on friend husband +and the way he is treating you. And this +is because his mother always has a you-stole-him-from-me-hussy! +feeling toward you, +while your own mommer, no matter how +she may pick on him as a provider and she +usually does, though in a nice way, well, +she always has a dash of thank-heaven-you-took-her-off-my-hands +in her manner. +Which naturally makes him more so than +ever, if you get me.</p> + +<p class='c008'>Now I have give a lot of serious thought +to marriage, and if I was ever to write a +piece about it, I would admit that, honest, +there is something funny about marriage. +I mean funny in the most serious sense. +There is something about marriage does +funny things to people once they get into +<span class='pageno' id='Page_31'>31</span>it. I mean funny things such as being nasty +to each other, and cruel, sometimes, and +even unfair. It takes a nice, snappy-dressed +young chap that is crazy about going +to the pictures and is a regular spendthrift +with ice-cream sodas, after, and plants +him in the back parlor with his vest unbuttoned, +his face under a newspaper and +his feet under the lamp. It likewise grows +curl papers and dressing sacks on females +that once took ’em off before he had a +chance to see ’em. Marriage goes even +further. It runs up bills for groceries instead +of for taxis: it traps a person into having +a bunch of kids that looked fine on +magazine covers when we was engaged, +but now look best when finally in bed and +asleep. In fact, anybody who could write, +could holler on about marriage and husbands +and what is wrong with them, with +all the violence of a Red Radical and with +more truth by far, because pretty near any +<span class='pageno' id='Page_32'>32</span>complaint you can make about husbands +and marriage would be a true one. And +only one thing about them has got me buffaloed. +Would I be willing to do without +them? And the answer to that is “No.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>Because for the life of me I can’t think +of any better arrangement to take the place +of marriage, and neither have I seen anybody +else of who it was a true fact that they +have found something just as good. These +free-love-radicals that you read about in the +papers, why as a rule their chief dread in +life is that somebody will look up the marriage +records in their home town and expose +to the world the horrid fact that they are +not living in sin after all, for somebody is +always taking the bull out of life, and leaving +us face to face with the truth. And in +this case I guess we will have to reluctantly +admit that marriage is the best way to get +rid of a troublesome suitor, of which we +know as yet.</p> + +<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_33'>33</span>Personally, I am for it, even after a +coupla trys, and I got a feeling that there +is in marriage, something that a person +might justifiably call divine, and also a +sneaking idea, which I naturally put out of +my head as quick as possible whenever it +comes to me, and that idea is that maybe +there is nothing wrong with marriage itself, +but that the trouble is with the ones that +goes into it. I have, as I mentioned, tried +it twice. Maybe it is like eating peanuts, +you don’t know when to stop. But then +again it may be because of some holy thing +that a woman can find in a good husband. +And if I was to write a book about husbands, +I would tell you what this is. And +if I did, why then George <i>would</i> break my +neck, and I don’t know that I would be able +to blame him!</p> + +<div class='titlepage'> + +<div class='chapter'> + <h2 class='c005'><span class='xxlarge'><cite>Say It With Oil</cite></span><br> <span class='large'>A FEW REMARKS ABOUT WIVES</span></h2> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c004'> + <div>BY</div> + <div class='c003'><span class='xlarge'><i>Ring W. Lardner</i></span></div> + <div class='c003'><span class='small'><i>Author of “You Know Me, Al,” “Gullible’s Travels,” “The Big Town,” etc.</i></span></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='c004 figcenter id001'> +<img src='images/oiltitle.jpg' alt='NEW YORK' class='ig001'> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> + <div class='nf-center'> + <div>GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY</div> + </div> +</div> + +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c004'> + <div><span class='small'><i>Copyright, 1923,</i></span></div> + <div><span class='small'><i>By George H. Doran Company</i></span></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='figcenter id002'> +<img src='images/oilverso.jpg' alt='' class='ig001'> +</div> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c004'> + <div><span class='small'>COPYRIGHT, 1922,</span></div> + <div><span class='small'>BY THE CROWELL PUBLISHING COMPANY</span></div> + <div class='c003'><span class='small'>SAY IT WITH OIL. II</span></div> + <div class='c003'><span class='small'>PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA</span></div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='lg-container-b c004'> + <div class='linegroup'> + <div class='group'> + <div class='line in2'><i>My ½ of this book</i></div> + <div class='line in4'><i>is dedicated to</i></div> + <div class='line'><i>whoever likes it better</i></div> + <div class='line in2'><i>than the other ½</i></div> + <div class='line in14'>R. W. L.</div> + </div> + </div> +</div> + +<div class='chapter'> + <span class='pageno' id='Page_109'>109</span> + <h2 class='c005'><cite>Say It with Oil</cite></h2> +</div> + +<p class='drop-capa0_0_7 c006'>My Publisher asked me would I +write a book on my impressions +in regards to wives.</p> + +<p class='c007'>“Well,” I says, “I have only got the one +wife, and wile I admit she has made quite +an impression, still and all it seems to me +like you ought to get a hold of a husband +with more experience.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>So he says:</p> + +<p class='c007'>“Yes, I know you have only got one yourself, +but you must be acquainted with a +whole lot of them.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>“I suppose I am,” I said, blushing furiously; +“I guess I am personally acquainted +with practally every A-No. 1 wife around +N. Y. City except Nina Wilcox Putnam.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>The Publisher jumped as if stang by a +bee.</p> + +<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_110'>110</span>“That is almost uncanny you mentioning +her name,” he said. “She is the lady who +has wrote up a story in regards to husbands, +and what I am asking you to write is a kind +of a reply to what she wrote. Because I +would not be loyal to my sex was I to print +her scatheing arrangement of the male +gender and not give no space to our defense.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>“All right,” I said; “but I can’t conduct +no defense without knowing what is the +charges, so before I reply to her story I +would better see it first.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>So he showed me the story, and I read +it, and you can read it for yourselfs as it is +printed elsewheres in this book under the +dainty <i>nom de plume</i> of “Say It With +Bricks,” only I suppose the proof-readers +has kind of fixed it up since I seen it, as it +struck me that the lady in question has studied +husbands at the expense of grammar and +spelling.</p> + +<p class='c007'><span class='pageno' id='Page_111'>111</span>But before dealing with her story, and +wile still cool, I would like to state the cold +facts which the gen. public is well aware of +same, but for one reason and another don’t +care to confess it even to themselfs. One +fact is that a man defending husbands vs. +wives, or men vs. women has got about as +much chance as a traffic policeman trying +to stop a mad dog by blowing 2 whistles. +Another fact is that, with all the recent +jokeing about give us equal rights and etc. +the wives has got the husbands licked to a +pulp and has had them licked for hundreds +of yrs., and same can be proved by consulting +the works of any writer young or old +that touches on the subject.</p> + +<p class='c007'>We will take for inst. the dictionary, and +what does it say about a husband? The +1st. definition is a husbandman, which don’t +mean nothing. The 2d. definition is a +frugal person, an economist. The 3d. definition +is a man who has a wife. In other +<span class='pageno' id='Page_112'>112</span>wds. Mr. Webster realized that his book +wouldn’t have no sale unless it tickled the +women-folks, so before he dast come out and +say that a husband is a man with a wife, he +had to call him a tightwad.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Now what is the definition of a wife? +Well, he says she is the lawful consort of a +man, and it don’t require no Shylock +Holmes to figure out that what he meant +to say, but was scared to say, was, <i>awful</i> +consort.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Back toward the end of the same book +you will run across the wd. uxoricide which +means the murder of a wife by her husband. +But nowheres in the book will you find a +wd. that means the murder of a husband +by a wife. Unless it’s the wd. congratulations.</p> + +<p class='c007'>In this connection it might be well to +point out the fine bunch of equal rights +with which the happy pair embarks on the +matrimonial seas. If either one of them +<span class='pageno' id='Page_113'>113</span>ain’t satisfied with the other, why they have +got equal rights to shoot. But if it’s the +wife that gets bumped off, the husband has +got exclusive rights to a seat in the electric +chair, or strap hanging by his Adam’s apple, +or spending the rest of his life in a bird +cage. If, however, the husband was the +target, why the worst that can happen to +mother is that she will half to poll the jury +with kisses, which can’t be such a hardship +even granting that statistics is accurate and +that 10 out of every 12 good men and true is +kindly disposed toward eating-tobacco.</p> + +<p class='c007'>But to return to the writers, why you can’t +find more than a couple of them great or +small but what has came out in print or in +speeches before the Rotary Club to the effect +that their success and everybody else’s +was due to their wives or sweethearts. +They know a whole lot better, but don’t +dast say so. The prominent exceptions to +this rule is Francis Bacon and Rudyard +<span class='pageno' id='Page_114'>114</span>Kipling. Mr. Bacon made the remark that +“he that hath wife and children hath given +hostages to fortune, for they are impediments +to great enterprises, either of virtue +or mischief.” And Mr. Kipling wrote one +about a good man married being a good +man marred, and another one to the effect +that he travels the fastest who travels +alone.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Some nerve these two babies had, but +where did it land them? Mr. Bacon is quite +dead and Mr. Kipling wasn’t even invited +to Princess Mary’s wedding.</p> + +<p class='c007'>The writers of the present day has learnt +better than take chances like that, and you +can’t read a story or tend the theatre now +days without getting a fresh sample of log +rolling in favor of the squalling sex. Like +for inst. take the play “To the Ladies” +where Marc Connelly and Geo. Kaufman +has their leading female character say a line +something like “No man that wasn’t married +<span class='pageno' id='Page_115'>115</span>ever made a name for himself.” Well +they was a whole lot of us guys in the audience +with our wives, and when the line was +sprang why we just kind of giggled and +smirked as much as to say “How true that +is.” Where as if we had of dared to be +nasty we would of rose up on our legs and +said “What about H. L. Mencken and Tris +Speaker and Geo. Ade?”</p> + +<p class='c007'>Even the authors of the marriage ceremony +has woke up to the situation and +agreed to rewrite same and fix themselfs +right with the ladies by leaving out the wd. +obey. This is just another public recognition +of how bad we are licked. As a matter +of fact the obey rule got obsolete along +about the same time as 1st. bounce is out. +And another thing the boys is going to +eliminate is the giving of a woman in marriage, +because the gals don’t like to have it +even hinted that anybody has got the right +to give them away like they was a cut glass +<span class='pageno' id='Page_116'>116</span>gold fish bowl or a pen wipper. So instead +of “Who giveth this dame to this guy,” why +from now on they are going to can those +lines and substitute a hymn or anthem which +will probably be some song like Oh, what a +gal was Mary.</p> + +<p class='c007'>So much for Man’s position in the Standing +of the Clubs and the fat chance I or +any other male has got to defend ourself vs. +attacks by Mrs. Putnam or any other member +of her lodge. But when I undertake to +do a job why I am one of these here heblooded +Americans that never quits till they +are counted out which can’t possibly happen +till I been in the arena 10 seconds. In +this case however I expect to last longer +than that for one little reason. The wife +I have got don’t read my stuff. Incidentally +that just about describes her. But any way +the knowledge that she don’t read my stuff +gives me courage to say a few wds. about +wives and what they are that I wouldn’t +<span class='pageno' id='Page_117'>117</span>dast say if I thought she was going to +read it.</p> + +<p class='c008'>Well then here is some of my idears about +wives as I have studied them at home and +abroad.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Wives is people that thinks you ought to +eat at 8 o’clock, one o’clock, and 7 o’clock. +If you express yourself as having an appetite +for turkey at midnight they think you +are crazy.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Wives is people that always wants to go +home when you don’t and vice versa.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Wives is people that ain’t never satisfied +as they are always too fat or too thin. Of +all the wives I ever talked to I never run +acrost one yet that was just right.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Wives is people that thinks 2 ash trays +should ought to be plenty for a 12 rm. +house.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Wives is people that asks you what time +the 12:55 train gets to New York. “At +<span class='pageno' id='Page_118'>118</span>1:37,” you tell them. “How do you know?” +they ask.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Wives is people that sets on the right side +of the front seat in their husband’s costly +motor and when he turns down a street to +the left they tell him he ought to of kept +straight ahead.</p> + +<p class='c007'>They are people that you ask them to go +to a ball game and they act tickled to death. +So along about the 7th. innings you look at +them and they are fast asleep and you remind +them with a delicate punch in the ribs +that they are supposed to be excited. “Oh, +yes,” they say. “I love it.” So you ask them +what is the score and they say “St. Louis is +ahead, ain’t they?” “Well,” you say, “I +don’t know if St. Louis is ahead or ain’t +ahead, but the game you are watching is between +Boston and New York.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>That reminds me of one time I took the +little woman (I can’t always remember her +first name) to a game in old Chi and it was +<span class='pageno' id='Page_119'>119</span>Cleveland vs. the White Sox and it was a +close game something like 2 to 1 in favor of +somebody and along come the 8th. innings, +and Mother, which is how I sometimes +think of her, was sleeping pretty and all of +a sudden they was a big jam down around +1st. base between a citizen named Tris +Speaker, mentioned before in this article +and now mentioned again, and Chick +Gandil of blessed memory. As they was +taking the shirtless remains of Chick off of +the field I nudged Mamma in the jaw and +said: “Did you see that? It looked to me +like Graney took a wallop at him for good +measure.” “Who is ahead?” says the little +gal.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Wives is people who you make an outlay +of $50, so as they can set somewheres in New +Jersey during the so-called Dempsey-Carpentier +fight and when it is over, you meet +them and ask them how they liked it and +they say Oh, they was thrilled. “Did you +<span class='pageno' id='Page_120'>120</span>see that last punch?” you ask them. “No,” +they say. “I was watching Irma Goldberg.” +Who of course is worth watching +even at $50.</p> + +<p class='c008'>They are people who you get invited out +somewheres with them and you ask them if +they think you ought to shave and they say +no, you look all right. But when you get +to wherever you are going they ask everybody +to please forgive Lute as he didn’t +have time to shave.</p> + +<p class='c007'>They are people that kid you because +when the morning paper comes the first +thing you look at is the sporting sheet. You +leave the paper home and buy another one +to read on the way downtown. When you +get home that evening, in trying to make +conversation you remark that it was kind of +sad, the Kaiser’s wife dying in exile. “I +didn’t know she was dead,” says Ma. +“Well,” you tell her, “it was in the morning +<span class='pageno' id='Page_121'>121</span>paper.” “I didn’t notice it,” she says. +“It must of been on the front page.”</p> + +<p class='c007'>They are people that never have nothing +that is fit to wear.</p> + +<p class='c007'>They are people that think when the telephone +bell rings it is against the law to not +answer it.</p> + +<p class='c007'>They are people whose watch is always +a ¼ of a hr. off either one way or the other. +But they wouldn’t have no idear what time +it was any way as this daylight savings gets +them all balled up.</p> + +<p class='c007'>The above observations is made without +resentment as I have no complaint vs. wives +in gen. or anybody’s wife in particular. +Personly I get along fine with whatever her +name is and am perfectly satisfied with my +home, which I often call my castle. I also +refer to it sometimes as jail, but only in a +joking way.</p> + +<p class='c007'>But here I am in jail and supposed to be +defending my sex vs. the opponents and as +<span class='pageno' id='Page_122'>122</span>I said before what a fat chance. However +I promised the old boy that I would answer +Mrs. Putnam’s story, and a promise is a +promise especially when you get paid for it.</p> + +<p class='c007'>So will point out in the beginning that +Mrs. Putnam denies all through her story +that it is a story and she certainly hit the +nail on the hammer that time. What it +reads like to me is pure fiction. Like for +inst. she gives you the impression that whenever +she seen her husbands before she married +them, they always had on a dress suit. +Well friends I think you will find the fact is +that when a kid is 16 or 17 yrs. of age he +gets a dress suit and by the time he is 19 yrs. +of age he couldn’t get it on with a shoe horn, +and from that age to when he gets married +he don’t have no more dress suit than Robinson +Crusoe and he wouldn’t never have no +more dress suit as long as he lived if she +didn’t insist on him joining the Rotarians.</p> + +<p class='c007'>The lady’s complaint is that after being +<span class='pageno' id='Page_123'>123</span>used to him in nothing but dress suits wile +he was doing the alleged courting, why it is +a kind of a blow to see him walking around +the rm. in his shaving uniform with his suspenders +draped over his hips. In reply to +that will say that the lady shouldn’t ought +to of had no trouble picking out a husband +with something on his hip besides suspenders.</p> + +<p class='c008'>Another complaint is how much noise a +husband makes with his tooth brush. Well +if a man is at all musical they’s no instrument +he won’t attempt to play on and besides +what good is brushing your teeth if +you are going to keep it a secret.</p> + +<p class='c007'>And another complaint is that husbands +prefers toothpicks to any other form of dessert. +I don’t think this is entirely fair because +they’s some desserts that you get in +hotels and restaurants that a person would +really relish more than a toothpick, whereas +<span class='pageno' id='Page_124'>124</span>they’s desserts that is served in some private +homes than whom a person would not only +rather have toothpicks but sulphur matches +if necessary.</p> + +<p class='c007'>The lady says it is husbands that is always +delaying the game and when they are told +that dinner is ready, dear, why it is then and +then only that they start to wash their hands +and brush their hair. Our reply to that is +that when the little woman says dinner is +ready you can generally always figure on +anywheres from 10 minutes to a ½ hr. before +they’s anything on the table but flies.</p> + +<p class='c007'>As for husbands causing the missing of +the first act, judgeing from the most of the +plays I seen lately she should ought to be +grateful for that and if he is even slower +and makes her miss the whole show she +ought to kiss him.</p> + +<p class='c007'>Now then along toward the finish of her +story the lady says something which I will +half to quote as it is such a pretty sentiment +<span class='pageno' id='Page_125'>125</span>namely, “Any complaint you can make +about husbands and marriage would be a +true one. And only one thing about them +(meaning husbands) has got me buffaloed. +Would I be willing to do without them? +And the answer to that is ‘No.’”</p> + +<p class='c007'>Well friends it is hard to bear ill will +toward a writer that kind of softens her +tirade with such a neat little compliment +as that and it looks to me like it would be +no more than gentlemanly on my part to +reply to same in kind. For inst.</p> + +<p class='c007'>“Pretty near any complaint you make +about wives, why it is true though they will +probably resent it. But I often ask myself +the question could I get along without +them? And the answer to that is that I got +along without none for twenty-five yrs. +and never felt better in my life. Believe +you me.”</p> +<div class='pbb'> + <hr class='pb c003'> +</div> +<div class='tnotes x-ebookmaker'> + +<div class='chapter ph2'> + +<div class='nf-center-c0'> +<div class='nf-center c001'> + <div>TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES</div> + </div> +</div> + +</div> + + <ul class='ul_1 c004'> + <li>Fixed typos; non-standard spelling and dialect retained. + + </li> + <li>This is a novelty volume in which <cite>Say It with Bricks</cite> occupies one half, + and when the book is flipped, <cite>Say It with Oil</cite> begins (or vice + versa).<br>Accordingly, <cite>Say It with Oil</cite> appears midway through the uploaded + material, complete with its own title page.<br><cite>Bricks</cite> is written by a woman + about men, while <cite>Oil</cite> is written by a man about women. + + </li> + <li>The two covers were combined vertically for this edition. + </li> + </ul> + +</div> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 78606 ***</div> +</body> +<!-- created with ppgen.py 3.57i (with regex) on 2026-05-05 15:33:16 GMT --> +</html> diff --git a/78606-h/images/brickstitle.jpg b/78606-h/images/brickstitle.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1f906d5 --- /dev/null +++ b/78606-h/images/brickstitle.jpg diff --git a/78606-h/images/bricksverso.jpg b/78606-h/images/bricksverso.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..18dfd10 --- /dev/null +++ b/78606-h/images/bricksverso.jpg diff --git a/78606-h/images/cover.jpg b/78606-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a4a8e1c --- /dev/null +++ b/78606-h/images/cover.jpg diff --git a/78606-h/images/oiltitle.jpg b/78606-h/images/oiltitle.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e5212b9 --- /dev/null +++ b/78606-h/images/oiltitle.jpg diff --git a/78606-h/images/oilverso.jpg b/78606-h/images/oilverso.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a0d5f53 --- /dev/null +++ b/78606-h/images/oilverso.jpg diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6c72794 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This book, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..88b831a --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for eBook #78606 +(https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/78606) |
