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diff --git a/75848-h/75848-h.htm b/75848-h/75848-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3df4a8a --- /dev/null +++ b/75848-h/75848-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1219 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html> +<html lang="en"> +<head> + <meta charset="UTF-8"> + <title> + Hearts and Clubs | Project Gutenberg + </title> + <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover"> + <style> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; +} +/* Heading Styles */ + h1,h3 { + text-align: center; + text-indent: 0em; + clear: both; + font-weight: bold; + page-break-before: avoid;} + +h1 { /* use for book title */ + margin: 1em 5% 1em; + font-size: 180%;} +h3 { /*Act numbers */ + margin: 2em 5% 1em; + font-size: 140%;} + +div.chapter {page-break-before: always; + margin-top: 4em;} + +/* Paragraph styles */ +p {text-indent: 1.25em; + margin-top: .51em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .49em;} + +.byline {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-size: 160%; font-weight: bold;} + +p.hanging {margin-left: 1em; + text-indent: -1em;} + +.p2 {margin-top: 2em;} +.p4 {margin-top: 4em;} +.center {text-align: center; + text-indent: 0em;} + +/* Font styling */ +.smcap {font-style: normal; font-variant: small-caps;} +.allsmcap {font-variant: small-caps; text-transform: lowercase;} +.small {font-size: 92%;} +.larger {font-size: 120%;} +.muchlarger {font-size: 150%;} + +span.lock {white-space: nowrap;} /* for keeping following mdashes with preceding word and FN anchors with word they note */ + +abbr { border:none; text-decoration:none; font-variant:normal; } + +/* Rules */ +hr { /*default rule across entire width */ + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; +} + + hr.top { + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: .25em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + hr.bottom { + margin-top: .25em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + hr.short { + margin-right:40%; + margin-left:40%; + text-align:center; + width:20%; + } + +hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} +@media print { hr.chap {display: none; visibility: hidden;}} + +/* Images */ +img { + max-width: 100%; + height: auto; +} + +.figcenter { + margin: 4em auto; + text-align: center; + page-break-inside: avoid; + max-width: 100%; +} + + +/* Tables */ +table { + margin: 1em auto; + text-align: center; + border-spacing: 0; /* this removes spaces between handmade lines around boxes */ +} + +.tdl {text-align: left; vertical-align: top; + padding-left: 2em; text-indent: -1em;} + +.tdr {text-align: right; padding-left: 1.5em;} + +.vlb {vertical-align: bottom;} + + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: 50%; + text-align: right; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; + text-indent: 0; /* needed if using indented paragraphs by default */ + color: #444;} + +/* Poetry */ +.poetry-container {display: flex; justify-content: center;} +.poetry {text-align: left; margin: .25em 5% .25em 5%;} +.poetry .stanza {margin: .25em auto;} +.poetry .verse {text-indent: -3em; padding-left: 3em;} +.poetry .indent0a {text-indent: -3.5em;} +.poetry .indent0 {text-indent: -3em;} +.poetry .indent2 {text-indent: -2em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> +<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75848 ***</div> + +<div class="chapter"> +<h1>Hearts <i>and</i> Clubs</h1> + +<hr class="top"> +<hr class="bottom"> + +<p class="center">A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS</p> + +<hr class="top"> +<hr class="bottom"> + +<p class="byline"><i>By Amy E. Blanchard</i></p> + +<hr class="top"> +<hr class="bottom"> + +<div class="figcenter"> + <img src="images/colophon.jpg" + alt="colophon"> +</div><!--end figcenter--> + +<hr class="top"> +<hr class="bottom"> + +<p class="p4 center"><span class="small">PHILADELPHIA</span><br> +THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY<br> +1913 +</p> +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +</div><!--end chapter--> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</span></p> +<hr class="short"> +<p class="center"> +<span class="smcap">Copyright 1896 by The Penn Publishing Company</span><br> +</p> +<hr class="short"> +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> +</div> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</span></p> +<p class="center"> +<span class="larger">HEARTS AND CLUBS</span><br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +<br> +CAST OF CHARACTERS<br> +</p> +</div> + + +<table> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>An elderly gentleman, with a hobby</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Tom Bestman</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A nephew of Mr. Fossil</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy</span> </td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A gentleman fond of his club</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A spinster who adores Beauty and Emerson</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mintra Triptoe</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>Miss Doting’s niece</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A would-be invalid</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A stout lady, an advocate of physical culture</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A thin lady, an advocate of physical culture</i></td></tr> +<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Miss Stein</span></td> + <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A teacher of physical culture</i></td></tr> +</table> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="smcap">Mrs. Pallide and Other Ladies of the X. Y. Z. Club</span><br> +<br> +<br> +COSTUMES—MODERN.<br> +</p> + +<p class="p2">In Act <abbr title="One">I</abbr>, Scene <abbr title="Two">II</abbr>, ladies should wear free, easily fitting +dresses or gymnasium suits. Miss Doting’s dress is always +gay and coquettish.</p> + + +<p class="p2 center"> +<span class="smcap">Time in Representation—One Hour and</span><br> +<span class="smcap">Fifteen Minutes.</span><br> +</p> +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</span></p> + +<div class="chapter"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</span></p> +<p class="center muchlarger">HEARTS AND CLUBS</p> + +<hr class="short"> + +<h3>ACT <abbr title="One">I</abbr></h3> +</div> + +<p class="hanging">SCENE <abbr title="One">I</abbr>—<i>A seaside hotel.</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy’s</span> <i>sitting-room, +prettily furnished. Table and chairs</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>Sofa</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>Doors</i> +<abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>At rise of curtain</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy</span> <i>is discovered +seated</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>of table reading a newspaper</i>. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>is +lying upon sofa</i>.</p> + +<p class="p2"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>sighing</i>) O dear!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> (<i>looking over top of paper</i>) What is the +matter now, Lolly?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> The same old thing, this pain in my side, +and there is a strange feeling in the back of my head. I +wonder what it is!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Oh, you want something to distract you. +Come, jump up, and let us go down-stairs and hear the +music. You might as well be at home as moping up in this +room. Come, it will do you good.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> O Joey! I couldn’t possibly dress and +go down to-night. Just suppose I should faint!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Well, suppose you do; you are not likely +to, you know. You would soon get over it, and you +wouldn’t be a mile from your own room.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You are so heartless. I think it is cruel +of you to talk that way. Even if I didn’t faint, those parlors +are so draughty, and the music always makes my head +ache.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Very well, we needn’t go. (<i>Silence, excepting +the rustling of the paper.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Joe, can’t you read without making such +a noise with the paper? It does distract me so. My poor +nerves cannot stand much.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I cannot very well spend my evening +spelling out the advertisements on one side of the paper. +(<i>Sarcastically</i>) Perhaps I may be able to find a newspaper +of a single sheet <span class="lock">only—one</span> of those patent-inside <span class="lock">arrangements—if</span> +so, I certainly shall take it. (<i>Getting up</i>) Since I +am so unpleasantly distracting, I had better leave you in +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</span> +peace. They don’t mind speaking above a whisper at the +club. (<i>Throws down paper and takes up his hat</i>) Good-night; +don’t sit up for me. (<i>Goes out</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>burying her head in the pillow and sobbing</i>) +There he goes again to that hateful old club, leaving poor +forlorn me all alone. Oh, these heartless men! (<i>A knock +at the door</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)</p> + +<p class="center"> +(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span>.)<br> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Why, Lolly, what is the matter?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>sitting up and wiping her eyes</i>) O Anna! +I am so glad you came in! It is the same old story, of +course. Joe has gone over to the club, leaving me alone +with nothing to do; I cannot do fancy work, it makes my +back ache; I cannot read, for it makes my head ache, and +so here I am deprived of everything, even my husband’s +society. I am a perfect martyr.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>laughing</i>) Laura, you do make me laugh, +you are so bent upon being miserable. Now, don’t put on +that injured look. I have something to tell you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>brightening up</i>) Have you? What is it? +I am dying to hear.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> First, look at me. Do you see this new +gown?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Yes. How well you look in it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>) That is just it. I am one inch +longer in the waist than I was two months ago, and it is all +due to physical culture.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Physical culture?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Yes. You have no idea what it does for +one, and it would be just the thing for you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Oh, no! I never could swing those +dreadful Indian clubs and jump over a rope four or five +feet high or squirm in and out of little square places like a +snake. As for a trapeze, I have a perfect horror of one.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Nonsense! That isn’t what you have to +do. Why, it is as simple as can be, to begin with, and has +cured more headaches and backaches than I could begin to +tell you of. See, I will show you a few of the first exercises. +(<i>Rises, and goes through a few movements rather awkwardly</i>) +There, now, that isn’t so dreadfully hard, is it? Come, +Laura, say you will join our club.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Club! Did you say you had a club?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Yes; one must do something in Lent, and +it is awfully stupid down here, so we have organized a club, +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</span> +the X. Y. Z. The culmination of knowledge, you see, as +opposed to A. B. C. The X. Y. Z. Club, composed of about +a dozen ladies who are seeking different ends through the +same means; I, for instance, am bent upon decreasing my +size; even “add a cubit to my stature,” and it would not +come amiss if I were able to stretch up to it and out of my +avoirdupois. Mrs. Bodkin, on the contrary, pines for flesh, +for breadth of chest, and mightiness of muscle. Miss Doting, +the dear soul, thinks the movements “such lines of +beauty,” and her prophetic eye sees herself, though spare +of flesh, an undulating, willowy figure, gliding before some +hero’s vision and into his heart; while dear Mintra, her +niece, who has come down here with her, does it all “just +for the fun of the thing.”</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Well, I really believe I will join you, since +Mr. Joe is so absorbed in his club, and I will show him that +I can have a club, too. Yes, I really will join you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>delightedly</i>) That is right. We meet to-morrow +in Mrs. Bodkin’s rooms at three o’clock. Now I +must go. Good-night. Don’t get up.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Oh! I feel better already. I will go to the +door with you. (<i>They go toward door</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>)</p> + + +<p class="p2 center small"> +CURTAIN<br> +</p> + + +<p class="p2 hanging">SCENE <abbr title="Two">II</abbr>—<span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin’s</span> <i>drawing-room, handsomely +furnished. Large table with lamp down</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>Doors</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> +<i>and</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>in flat. Ladies are all present and are preparing +for a meeting of the Club</i>. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> +<i>down</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Now, Lolly dear, you see us as we are, absolutely +afraid of our teacher, each other, and our own +selves. Mrs. Bodkin, (<i>addressing</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. <abbr title="Bodkin">B.</abbr></span>, <i>who stands +near</i>) do you know I have lost a whole pound, and I am +at least an inch longer in the waist.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin.</span> Really? Well, I have found your pound, +and am triumphantly wearing it; and, as for your inch, I +have added that to my chest measure.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You have? What is that Mrs. Pallide is +saying, “Ma za?” Is she seeking a rhyme?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>laughing</i>) No, that is for exercising the +muscles of the mouth, and so is the sentence she is practicing +now, “Most men want poise and more royal margin.”</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Do you suppose we really need to exercise +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</span> +the muscles of our mouths? I fancy our husbands +will hardly think so.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Rank treason, my dear! Do they not +need to exercise their biceps?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Do look at Miss Doting. Is she invoking +Juno?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> No, she would never invoke any one but +Venus, my dear.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>who has been going through some of the +arm movements most extravagantly, shakes her finger at the +three ladies as she approaches</i>) Ah, my dears, I see you +laughing at me, but as that dear Emerson says in his ode +to “Beauty,” “Unmake me quite, or give thyself to me.” +And, oh! (<i>clasping her hands in a soulful way</i>) I do so long +for “Beauty;” not the tender tints of spring, not the rose +flush of June, but the beauty of autumn. Oh, surely, +surely I may consider that I am not too late in seeking that +aftermath.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Oh, surely, surely not too late, Miss +Doting.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> You look so well to-day.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin.</span> That is a most becoming costume.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Oh! do you think so? Pet laughed at +me, and though she is too dear a child to say so, I know +she thinks me too old to wear pink; but, as I said to her, +“Beauty is its own excuse for being,” and the rosy streaks +of sunset are as beautifully tender as the auroral glow of +morn. And why may I not be clad like the sunset?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Why, of course you may. (<i>Aside</i>) There is +no one to say you may not; but can you, and not look like +a guy, that is the question. (<i>Aloud</i>) Speaking of Pet, is +Mintra not here? Ah, there she is.</p> + +<p class="hanging">(<span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>enters and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>meets her, goes front; +other ladies go through different gestures very awkwardly, +laughing and talking with one another</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Mintra, dear, I want so much to see you +for a moment. I must enlighten you in a matter upon +which I happen to be informed, and you do not. Old Mr. +Fossil is here.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>starting</i>) Is he?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Yes, and Tom Bestman told my <span class="lock">husband—you</span> +know what old friends they are, and you will forgive +it, I <span class="lock">know—he</span> told my husband that his uncle was furious +with him. Your aunt does not know of your engagement, +does she? +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> No, indeed; I have told her nothing about it. +She has only seen Tom twice, and doesn’t know he has an +uncle. You know mamma could not have told her, for she +did not stop in Philadelphia at all.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Well, Tom’s uncle vows he shall never +marry any one but a strong-minded daughter of the soil; +at <span class="lock">least—not</span> exactly <span class="lock">that—but</span> he advocates only sensible +women, as he calls them, and objects in the most strenuous +manner to high heels, small waists, and society foibles and +follies.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Well!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Not at all well. You dear, silly little +goose (<i>putting her arm affectionately around her</i>), do you +know what that means? Why, it means that your dear +Tom is thrown off to shift for himself, and instead of having +a very comfortable berth he will have nothing at all; and +though he is by no means a fool, yet it will be years before +he is in a position to marry, if he doesn’t marry to please his +uncle, and his uncle has conceived a frantic dislike to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Me?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Yes, “me” (<i>mimicking her</i>), and “me” +must go to work and disabuse the old gentleman of his +ridiculous ideas.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> But how?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> My dear goosie, you see the means before +you. Physical culture, of course. Send to the city for +low-heeled shoes; increase your waist measure at least four +inches; be an enthusiastic walker; stand up straight; give +him the idea that your one aim in life is to be sensible, +that your ideal of perfection is a healthy peasant, <span class="lock">and—well,</span> +that is all.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>enthusiastically</i>) I’ll do it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>approaching</i>) Ah, Pet, dear! you see I +was right to wear my pink gown. I have received many +compliments, I assure you. “I builded better than I +knew,” as dear Emerson says. I want to tell you something, +I met such a charming man just before I came upstairs.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>indifferently</i>) Who was it, auntie? You meet +so many “charming men.”</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>coquettishly</i>) Now, Pet, how can I help it +if they make themselves charming to me? Surely I do +nothing to attract them, and you know how terribly soon +my ideals vanish. But this time!—O Pet! (<i>theatrically</i>), +“When half gods go, the gods arrive!” and Mr. Fossil is +Jove-like in his dignity. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>excitedly</i>) Mr. Fossil?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Yes, Mr. Fossil; and O Pet! he is so interested +in our club, and he asked <span class="lock">me—well</span> (<i>coyly</i>), perhaps +he should not have done so upon so short an +acquaintance; but when I told him that we proposed +giving an exhibition of our talent to the guests of the +house, at a later date, he asked me (<i>giggles</i>), he asked me +if he might come, and I said yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>laughing</i>) Well, auntie, I don’t think that was +so terribly forward. I shall not object, for one.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin.</span> O Mrs. Frisk! do you know your lesson? +(<i>Proceeds with a stanza of</i> “Young Lochinvar,” <i>hesitates +and breaks down</i>.) There! I knew I could not do it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Oh! never mind. You will be all right. At +any rate, there are plenty to keep you company. I wonder +where Miss Stein is.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Pallide.</span> She will be a little late, I think, for I saw +her talking to Mr. Fossil, and you know his hobby. Do +you know I cannot remember that neck movement to save +my life.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Several.</span> Oh! can’t you? Why, this is it. (<i>All proceed +to show her, differently.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Pallide.</span> I don’t see that I am any wiser than I +was before. However, I will ask Miss Stein to show me. +Do, somebody see if I say this correctly. (<i>Begins another +stanza of</i> “Lochinvar,” <i>but stops to giggle</i>) Now, Mrs. Frisk, +if you look at me in that way I cannot say it. I’ll tell Miss +Stein of you. There she is now. (<i>All rush up to</i> <span class="smcap">Miss +Stein</span>, <i>who enters the room</i>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>)</p> + + +<p class="p2 center allsmcap"> +CURTAIN<br> +</p> +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + + +<div class="chapter"> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</span></p> +<h3> +ACT <abbr title="Two">II</abbr><br> +</h3> +</div> + + +<p class="hanging">SCENE—<i>Porch of hotel. Gravel walk across stage in front +of porch. Exits</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>Main entrance to hotel</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>in +flat. Full-length windows</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>Wicker chairs scattered +about porch.</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Bestman</span> <i>discovered +seated down</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>rising</i>) Yes, sir, I say that the young men +of the present day are idiots. Yes, sir, brainless idiots. Do +you suppose for one instant, sir, that I intend my money to +go toward supporting a race of wasp-waisted, deformed, +hollow-chested women? (<i>Walking about porch excitedly</i>) +Not for my right hand. I would rather see you married to +a German peasant with thick ankles and a thick head than +to a simpering silly society girl tottering along on her high-heeled, +pointed-toed shoes. (<i>Stopping before</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>) Look at +that. (<i>Takes a slipper from his pocket</i>) That is the kind of +shoe I mean. Now, can you deny that this is the same +style of footgear that your charming, lovely Mintra wears? +(<i>Takes out a photograph</i>) I found this stuck in your mirror. +Look at that waist. No wonder she stands with her back +to you. I should think she would be ashamed to show her +face. How does she breathe? Where are her lungs? +Where is her heart? No, sir, it is time this <span class="lock">folly—no,</span> it is +worse than <span class="lock">folly—this</span> crime, I call <span class="lock">it—should</span> be stopped, +and I, for one, give no consent toward the encouragement +of monstrosities. Now, you have my answer. You can +marry your high-heeled, wasp-waisted, narrow-chested deformed +ninny if you want to; but if you do, you leave my +office at once, and every cent of my money shall go toward +the founding of gymnasiums for women.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> But, uncle, you do not expect me to give up the +girl I love simply because she does not measure a yard +around her waist. What in the world has that to do with +her moral character or her lovely, amiable qualities?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> It has everything to do with them. A girl +that distorts the body the Lord gave her hasn’t proper +moral perception, and as for her charming qualities, I suppose +you can live on them.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> But, uncle, it is ridiculous to take a dislike to a +girl you have never seen. Let me present you, <span class="lock">and—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> No, and I do not wish to see her. I hope +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</span> +I never shall. I know enough of the species already. I +shall go back to the city to-night, and I expect you to go +with me.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Now, sir, that is a little too much. She is just like +all girls. I mean she isn’t like all girls, but she has had no +opportunity for doing differently because she has had no +example before her, and you surely do not expect me <span class="lock">to—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I expect nothing, and if her nonsensical +style suits you my ideas do not, so there is an end of it. +(<i>Exit</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>)</p> + +<p>(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>) Tom, is that you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>rising</i>) Yes; what is left of me.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Why, what is the matter?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Oh, nothing but what I shall have to stand. Uncle +expects me to go back to the city with him to-night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Well, never mind. You can come back again. +Now, Tom, don’t look so glum. You know I want you to +stay, but old people are apt to be a bit cranky, and it is best +to humor them sometimes, then they get over their little +tempers sooner. You should see how I have to manage +Auntie. Was he so very angry when <span class="lock">you—when</span> you told +him about me? (<i>shyly.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>savagely</i>) Yes. Confound his impudence!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Now, Tom, don’t be so savage. You know +“the course of true love,” and if it is only this I don’t mind. +As long as you are my own dear boy, the whole world may +turn against me. We’ll have him on our side yet, you see +if we do not.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> You dear little girl (<i>puts his arm around her</i>), if +he could but see you once, he couldn’t help being on your +side.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Tom, have I such a very small waist?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Yes, you are quite like a wasp.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Oh, you mean thing. I am not like one of +those horrid, shiny, blue wasps.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> No, I didn’t mean a wasp. I meant a dear little +busy bee.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> The reason I asked <span class="lock">is—but,</span> please promise +not to tell any one.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> All right, I promise.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> You know there is a club organized here, just +to fill up this stupid season, and you know how dull it is for +me when you are not here, for I cannot write to you every +hour in the day. Well, at first I wasn’t a bit interested, but +I really am now. You see I had never thought of narrow +chests, or little bits of waists being so very injurious. I +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</span> +thought it was just a fad of old people, like Auntie; but +when I heard Miss Stein <span class="lock">talk—you</span> know she has come +down to give us <span class="lock">lessons—I</span> was converted at once, it all +seemed so sensible. And so I have joined the club for +Physical Culture, <span class="lock">and—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>rapturously</i>) You have!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Yes. Are you glad? Do you approve?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Approve! I should think so.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> I am so glad. Well, now you see, I practice +often, oh! real often, and Tom, although you don’t seem to +think so, I am ever and ever so many inches larger in the +waist. And now the funny thing I was going to tell you is +this: I sent to the city for some low-heeled shoes, for I +have discarded all my high heels; but last night as I was +going to close my shutters, one of them stuck. I couldn’t +quite reach the catch, so I took up one of my high-heeled +<span class="lock">slippers—for</span> the heel makes an excellent <span class="lock">hammer—and</span> as +the catch sprang suddenly, it knocked the slipper out of my +hand and it went flying out of the window. Of course, it +was dark, but I told one of the hall boys to try and find it, +and this morning he said he had hunted everywhere, but it +was not to be seen. Now, who in the world do you suppose +could have picked it up?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Ha! ha! ha! That is funny! Forgive me, my +darling, but it is so funny, I can’t help laughing. I think +I could tell where it is.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> O Tom! did you find it?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Never mind who found it. I have seen it, and that +is all I shall tell you. It is perfectly safe.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Well! I think you are very mean. Do, +please, throw it away where no one can find it. Do, like a +good boy. Now I must go. You must not worry, dear.</p> + +<p class="center"> +(<i>Exit, both</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>)<br> +<br> +(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>)<br> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> I am so glad no one is here. Now I can +practice a little without being heard. (<i>Begins</i>) Ma-za-sca-ah. +(<i>Goes through some gestures.</i>)</p> + +<p class="center"> +(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy</span>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)<br> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Why, Laura, what are you doing?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>looking at him steadfastly and seriously</i>) +Most men want poise, and more royal margin.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> So they do; so they do. (<i>Aside</i>) Good +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</span> +gracious, now did she hear of that little speculation? I +might as well own up. (<i>Aloud</i>) I know, my dear, I should +have had more poise; but you know I don’t often lose my +head, and a man certainly does need a royal margin when +he is dabbling in stocks.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Joseph Alljoy, are you crazy?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> No. Are you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Not at all. My mind is perfectly clear.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I, Joseph Alljoy, being of sound <span class="lock">mind—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Joseph, you certainly are insane. I presume +you have left at the club the small amount of brains +you once possessed. Now at my <span class="lock">club—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Ye powers above! She has a club! Clubs +are trumps, and we seem to hold a full hand. How fortunate +that you are my partner! I thought you always +called for diamonds though?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Well, I don’t get them if I <span class="lock">do—not</span> when +you deal.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Now, Lolly, don’t let’s quarrel. We have +done so much of it lately, and you have seemed so like +your old self, for the past few days, that I <span class="lock">hoped—indeed,</span> +I did hope that our old happy days might come back.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> But you didn’t go to the club, then.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Neither did you. No, hearts were trumps, +and they are best after all. Clubs! They are a man’s +refuge</p> + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<div class="poetry"> + <div class="stanza"> + <div class="verse indent0a">“From ev’ry stormy wind that blows,</div> + <div class="verse indent0">From ev’ry swelling tide of woes;”</div> + </div> +</div> +</div> + +<p>but a woman and a club are about as incongruous as a +woman and a base-ball bat. You didn’t need clubs before +we were married.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Neither did you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> No; for you were very entertaining then, +and did not need to be coaxed to go walking or driving. +You cannot go anywhere with me now; but you are well +enough to go to clubs.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You will be sorry you spoke to me in this +way. I meant to tell you all about it, but I shall not now.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Now, Laura, do.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Aha! Curiosity is it?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Oh! no! But it is your duty to tell me.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>scornfully</i>) Duty!</p> + +<p class="hanging">(<i>They walk off</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>, <i>talking and gesticulating in an animated +manner, as enter</i> <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>) +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! it is cruel of you to leave +us so soon, but you naughty men are so uncertain; however, +we must try and be contented, for Emerson says “Discontent +is the want of self-reliance; it is the infirmity of will.” +Now you must promise me again before you go that you +will surely return to witness our little attempt to illustrate +Physical Culture.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Well, really, Miss Doting, <span class="lock">I—ahem!—I</span> do +not know whether my business will permit <span class="lock">me—but—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>with a little scream of dismay</i>) O Mr. +Fossil! you surely will not disappoint us, I may say, disappoint +me. Your presence wanting will cast the gloom of +discouragement over us all, for we had hoped our champion +would surely support us. You know (<i>coyly</i>) we are only +debutantes, and need a great deal of coaxing and petting. +(<i>with another little scream</i>) Oh, no! I don’t mean petting. +I <span class="lock">mean—encouragement.</span> As dear Pet, my niece, says: +“Auntie, you will never be anything but a child,” and +indeed, as Emerson so beautifully expresses it:</p> + +<div class="poetry-container"> +<div class="poetry"> + <div class="stanza"> + <div class="verse indent0a">“Spring is still spring in the mind</div> + <div class="verse indent2">When sixty years are told,</div> + <div class="verse indent0">Love wakes anew this throbbing heart,</div> + <div class="verse indent2">And we are never old.”</div> + </div> +</div> +</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Very true, very true, Miss Doting.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Now, Mr. Fossil, we can depend upon +you, I know. I should so like you to see Pet, my dear niece. +We are like sisters, and in this little club of ours she is so +in sympathy with me. Fancy the dear child discarding all +her pretty slippers, and wearing low heels; fancy her clothing +her dear young form in the garb of a true dress reformer. +You should see her pretty, graceful movements, +free as the bird that wings its way over yon ocean; free as +the curling wave that laps the bleaching sand. Oh, those +exquisite movements of grace! O Beauty! Beauty! how +I adore thee! Yes, Mr. Fossil, you should see my dear, +heroic little niece.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I should like to see her, madam. A girl +nowadays who is willing to elevate this degenerate race +by discarding its follies and vanities, is a girl after my own +heart. Miss Pet must be a niece to be proud of, and it +speaks well for the teachings of her aunt, that she is so +tractable and amiable as to follow her suggestions. I wish +my nephew were as obedient.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> You have a nephew, Mr. Fossil? +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Yes, madam, my dead sister’s son, to whom +I have been a father, and who now despises my counsels +and derides my opinions.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! how can he? One so +good, so noble, so truly wise in his judgments should be +listened to as we listen to truth.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Thank you, thank you, Miss Doting. I +think I must try and manage to get down to your little exhibition, +and I anticipate much pleasure in meeting your +niece. And now, my dear madam, I must make my adieux, +for I fear it is train time.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Good-bye, Mr. Fossil, or rather, <i lang="fr">au revoir</i>. +(<i>Stands gazing after him as he goes off</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>and</i> +<span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>appear</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>goes up porch</i>. <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>goes off</i> + <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>, +<i>lingeringly, turning back several times, while</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>waves +her hand</i>.)</p> + + +<p class="center"> +CURTAIN<br> +</p> +<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</span></p> +<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop"> + + +<div class="chapter"> +<h3> +ACT <abbr title="Three">III</abbr><br> +</h3> +</div> + + +<p class="hanging">SCENE <abbr title="One">I</abbr>—<i>Parlor of hotel, furniture removed. The X. Y. Z. +Club, in costume, gives its exhibition.</i></p> + +<p class="center"> +<i>If so desired, this scene may be omitted.</i><br> +</p> + +<p><i>For suggestions, see Shoemaker’s “Advanced Elocution,” +“Delsartean Pantomimes,” or “Drills and Marches,” published +by the Penn Publishing Company, Philadelphia.</i></p> + + +<p class="p2 hanging">SCENE <abbr title="Two">II</abbr>—<i>Same as above, with furniture. Arch with curtains</i> +<abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>in flat. Entrances</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>The company distributed +in groups about the stage.</i> <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span> <i>and</i> +<span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <i>still in costume, and</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span>, <i>down</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> And how were you pleased, Mr. Fossil?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Charmed, madam, charmed.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>turning to</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>) Pet, dear, allow me to +present Mr. Fossil. You have heard me extol his wisdom +and good taste. And he has heard of you, haven’t you, +Mr. Fossil?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Indeed, yes, Miss Pet, I cannot express to +you the great pleasure it gives me to meet a young lady so +admirably sensible. Your aunt tells me you are an enthusiast +in the matter of Physical Culture. “Strength before +beauty” is my motto.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! but beauty!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Pardon me. I should say, “Strength is +beauty.” The beauty of the vine depending upon the +strength of its support, though it be nothing but the solid +ground; the beauty of the rose taking its strength from the +parent stalk. Fill nature with weakness and disease, and +there you have ugliness, repulsive distortion. Ah, my dear +young lady, I wish all women could realize that it is +strength of body which makes beauty. You are fond of +walking?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Oh, yes! I can walk miles.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> And return rosy and unwearied.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> But you know, auntie, how the English women +walk; and look at our own country girls. Why, even our +little children walk miles to school. Of course, if I wore +little nippy heels, and went tripping along like a Chinese +lady, I should soon get tired. +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Most sensibly spoken.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Thank you, Mr. Fossil. I knew you must be +an advocate of fresh air. Isn’t it delightful to take in great +draughts of pure oxygen and expand your lungs till you +feel so invigorated that you long to dwell on a mountain +top for the rest of your life? (<i>Aside</i>) I’ve been rehearsing +those speeches for a week.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Admirable! Excellent! (<i>Aside</i>) A remarkably +fine girl, Miss Doting. (<i>Aloud</i>) What charming costumes +you are wearing, ladies. How much better those old +Greeks knew how to dress than we do. But the day is +dawning! Ah, Miss Pet! I wish that you were my niece! +(<span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span> <i>looks very coyly conscious</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Are you sure, Mr. Fossil?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Quite sure. If my scapegrace of a nephew +would only ask me to sanction his choice of such a girl, I +tell you I should not be long in giving my consent.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Take care, Mr. Fossil; one never knows what +may happen. Suppose I hold you to your word some +day?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> May the day soon come, my dear young +lady, is my hearty wish. (<i>Bows, ladies walk away, music is +heard and all go out</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>but</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <i>who stands listening</i>.)</p> + +<p class="center"> +(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Tom Bestman</span>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)<br> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> O my darling! I wondered where you were. I +saw you were not in the music room, so I came in here, +hoping to find you. (<i>Takes her hand</i>) Dear, I saw you +talking to my uncle, and naturally I am anxious to know +what <span class="lock">he—I</span> mean what you thought of him.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>innocently</i>) Why, Tom, he is a dear, lovely old +fellow, and he paid me no end of compliments. He actually +said he wished I were his niece.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> He did?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Yes, he did.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Well, I vow!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>mocking him</i>) “Well, I vow,” you’re polite. Is it +such a very astonishing thing that an old gentleman should +make such a wish?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>pulling his mustache</i>) <span class="lock">No—but—at</span> least, not all +old gentlemen, but this old gentleman isn’t like all old gentlemen; +in fact, he is a very cranky old gentleman, and I +didn’t <span class="lock">expect—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Didn’t expect! Never mind what you expected +(<i>irritatedly</i>), I do not know that I especially indorse his wish; +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</span> +indeed, as I come to think of it, I am quite sure I do not. +(<i>Turns away, pouting.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>bewildered</i>) Why, my dear girl, what do you +mean? Do you want me to understand that you do not +care for me any more? (<span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>remains silent</i>.) My +darling, don’t trifle with me. I have been terribly upset +lately, and if I am stupid or dense you must overlook it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>turning to him, and putting out both hands</i>) O +Tom, you are dense! I thought you would be so happy; +I am. Don’t make me say so. Cannot you see how easy +it all is?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> <span class="lock">Why—yes—I</span> suppose so, only when you are +dealing with a cranky <span class="lock">uncle—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>entering suddenly</i>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>) What’s this I hear? +Cranky uncle! Cranky uncle, is it? (<i>Turning to</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>) +Don’t let this young man make you believe his tales, +Miss Pet.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>laughingly</i>) Ah, Mr. Fossil, remember what +you said awhile ago. You do not know to what tales I may +be listening.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I certainly indorse anything I may have +said to you, Miss Pet.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Do you? Very well (<i>aside to</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>), present me +as your <i>fiancée</i>. Do hurry, Tom.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>looking rather dazed</i>) Uncle, let me present you to +my promised wife, Miss Mintra Triptoe.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>looking very much surprised</i>) Your promised +wife? Miss Mintra Triptoe? Why, I imagined this young +lady to be Miss <span class="lock">Doting—Miss</span> Pet Doting.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> No, Mr. Fossil, auntie is Miss Doting. I am her +sister’s child, and all the family call me Pet.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Well, I am amazed. Nevertheless, my dear, +I am delighted as well. You little cajoler. Ha! ha! ha! +Pretty well done. Ha! ha! ha!</p> + +<p class="center"> +(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>go out</i>, + <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)<br> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Ah, Miss Doting, it seems that there is a +possibility of our being more nearly related, and that your +niece may be my niece, and my nephew your nephew.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! this is so unexpected. +How have I won such a prize?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Prize? I am not sure about there being +any great prize won, excepting on my side. If all is, as I +hope it is, the prize will be won by my side of the house.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! what an adept you are +in the language of love! +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I? Not a bit of it. Well, perhaps I may +have been rather effusive to the lady; but I hope she did +not think too much so.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Too much so! How can you imagine it? +What so delightful to a woman’s ears as the graceful appreciation +of the man she <span class="lock">admires—respects—adores—</span>(<i>puts +out both hands.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>taking her hands</i>) Well, Miss Doting, I had +no idea that your niece was so impressed by my unworthy +self, but she shall find me a warm friend. Yes, madam, we +are to be congratulated. I will do my best for the young +couple, and Tom will understand that his old uncle hasn’t +such poor judgment after all.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>withdrawing her hands</i>) Your nephew! +My niece! <span class="lock">I—I—do</span> not understand.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Neither did I, at first; but the sly things +told me they were engaged. My nephew, Tom Bestman, +to your niece, Miss <span class="lock">Pet—no,</span> I mean Miss Mintra <span class="lock">Do—no,</span> I +mean Triptoe.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O, cruel! cruel! not to have told me at +once.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Not at all! not at all! Now, Miss Doting, +pray do not take it in that way. Young folks like a little +secret. I don’t blame them. Come, come, we old folks +must give them our blessing and be happy with them.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>aside</i>) Old folks! O, crueller still! Ah +well, “What does not come to us is not ours.” (<i>Aloud</i>) I +suppose I must not be too harsh, Mr. Fossil; let us find +them; but we should remember that Emerson says “the +passion of which we speak, though it begins with the +young, does not forsake the old,” and you are scarcely old +yet, Mr. Fossil. (<i>Takes his arm and they walk off</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)</p> + +<p class="center"> +(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mr.</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span>, <span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span> <i>and others</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr><br> +<span class="smcap">Mr.</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>go down</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>)<br> +</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Now, Joe, you see my club is perfectly +harmless.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I congratulate you, Laura, I do, indeed. +You are a trump. By George! but it was a revelation to +me. I hadn’t an idea you women could be so limber. You +looked stunning, too.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> And you’ll find it doesn’t stop here. I’ll +take a five-mile walk with you to-morrow, if you say so.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Good! we’ll do it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> And, Joe, you may rustle the paper all +<span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</span> +you choose, and if you go to the club, remember, I’m going +too. Somehow I’ve given up being an invalid, so you’d +better not let me be alone too much, with all this newly acquired +energy.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I shall not want to go to the club if you +will only be good company for me. To tell you the truth, +the club is getting to be an awful bore, and I am about sick +of clubs. That is a fact.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Then we’ll begin all over again.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>coming down</i>) Isn’t she a lively invalid, Mr. +Alljoy? You may thank me for it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I do, most heartily. She’s her old self, indeed. +Ah, here comes Tom and Mintra.</p> + +<p class="hanging">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>, <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span> <i>and</i> + <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span>, +<abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Mr.</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>go toward them</i>. <i>All meet +centre.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Pet! why didn’t you tell me?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> What? About Tom? I was afraid to. (<i>looking +roguishly at</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span>) I was afraid you’d tell Mr. +Fossil.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> You little intriguer! Remember, I haven’t +given my consent.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> But, you do, give it, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Oh, yes! Mr. Fossil!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You do give it, Mr. Fossil?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I do, indeed.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Then we must <span class="lock">thank—</span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> The Heart suit, for although Clubs were +trumps, Hearts have, as usual, won at last.</p> + +<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75848 ***</div> +</body> +</html> + diff --git a/75848-h/images/colophon.jpg b/75848-h/images/colophon.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5383608 --- /dev/null +++ b/75848-h/images/colophon.jpg diff --git a/75848-h/images/cover.jpg b/75848-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8c520b --- /dev/null +++ b/75848-h/images/cover.jpg |
