Initial commitHEAD main

author: nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> 2025-04-13 05:21:03 -0700
committer: nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org> 2025-04-13 05:21:03 -0700
commit: ea756bbf248f929db5fce05843573278b21ddb84 (patch)
tree: ab590f7cd290fe84ec5209d45f26a6bf53e5b360 /75848-h
3 files changed, 1219 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/75848-h/75848-h.htm b/75848-h/75848-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3df4a8a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/75848-h/75848-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,1219 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html>
+<html lang="en">
+<head>
+    <meta charset="UTF-8">
+    <title>
+      Hearts and Clubs | Project Gutenberg
+    </title>
+    <link rel="icon" href="images/cover.jpg" type="image/x-cover">
+    <style>
+
+body {
+    margin-left: 10%;
+    margin-right: 10%;
+}
+/* Heading Styles */
+    h1,h3 {
+    text-align: center;
+    text-indent: 0em;
+    clear: both;
+    font-weight: bold;
+    page-break-before: avoid;}
+
+h1 { /* use for book title */
+      margin: 1em 5% 1em;
+      font-size: 180%;}
+h3 { /*Act numbers */
+      margin: 2em 5% 1em;
+      font-size: 140%;}
+
+div.chapter {page-break-before: always;
+             margin-top: 4em;}
+
+/* Paragraph styles */
+p {text-indent: 1.25em;
+    margin-top: .51em;
+    text-align: justify;
+    margin-bottom: .49em;}
+
+.byline {text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-size: 160%; font-weight: bold;}
+
+p.hanging {margin-left: 1em;
+           text-indent: -1em;}
+
+.p2 {margin-top: 2em;}
+.p4 {margin-top: 4em;}
+.center   {text-align: center;
+           text-indent: 0em;}
+
+/* Font styling */
+.smcap  {font-style: normal; font-variant: small-caps;}
+.allsmcap {font-variant: small-caps; text-transform: lowercase;}
+.small {font-size: 92%;}
+.larger {font-size: 120%;}
+.muchlarger {font-size: 150%;}
+
+span.lock {white-space: nowrap;} /* for keeping following mdashes with preceding word and FN anchors with word they note */
+
+abbr { border:none; text-decoration:none; font-variant:normal; }
+
+/* Rules */
+hr { /*default rule across entire width */
+    margin-top: 2em;
+    margin-bottom: 2em;
+    margin-left: auto;
+    margin-right: auto;
+    clear: both;
+}
+
+  hr.top {
+    margin-top: 2em;
+    margin-bottom: .25em;
+    margin-left: auto;
+    margin-right: auto;
+    clear: both;
+  }
+   
+  hr.bottom  {
+    margin-top: .25em;
+    margin-bottom: 2em;
+    margin-left: auto;
+    margin-right: auto;
+    clear: both;
+  }
+   
+  hr.short  {
+   margin-right:40%;
+   margin-left:40%;
+   text-align:center;
+   width:20%;
+  }
+
+hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;}
+@media print { hr.chap {display: none; visibility: hidden;}}
+
+/* Images */
+img {
+    max-width: 100%;
+    height: auto;
+}
+
+.figcenter {
+    margin: 4em auto;
+    text-align: center;
+    page-break-inside: avoid;
+    max-width: 100%;
+}
+
+
+/* Tables */
+table {
+    margin: 1em auto;
+    text-align: center;
+    border-spacing: 0; /* this removes spaces between handmade lines around boxes */
+}
+
+.tdl      {text-align: left; vertical-align: top;
+            padding-left: 2em; text-indent: -1em;}
+
+.tdr      {text-align: right; padding-left: 1.5em;}
+
+.vlb {vertical-align: bottom;}
+
+
+.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */
+    /*  visibility: hidden;  */
+    position: absolute;
+    left: 92%;
+    font-size: 50%;
+    text-align: right;
+    font-style: normal;
+    font-weight: normal;
+    font-variant: normal;
+    text-indent: 0; /* needed if using indented paragraphs by default */
+    color: #444;}
+
+/* Poetry */
+.poetry-container {display: flex; justify-content: center;}
+.poetry           {text-align: left; margin: .25em 5% .25em 5%;}
+.poetry .stanza   {margin: .25em auto;}
+.poetry .verse    {text-indent: -3em; padding-left: 3em;}
+.poetry .indent0a {text-indent: -3.5em;}
+.poetry .indent0 {text-indent: -3em;}
+.poetry .indent2 {text-indent: -2em;}
+
+    </style>
+ </head>
+<body>
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75848 ***</div>
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h1>Hearts <i>and</i> Clubs</h1>
+
+<hr class="top">
+<hr class="bottom">
+
+<p class="center">A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS</p>
+
+<hr class="top">
+<hr class="bottom">
+
+<p class="byline"><i>By Amy E. Blanchard</i></p>
+
+<hr class="top">
+<hr class="bottom">
+
+<div class="figcenter">
+ <img src="images/colophon.jpg"
+ alt="colophon">
+</div><!--end figcenter-->
+
+<hr class="top">
+<hr class="bottom">
+
+<p class="p4 center"><span class="small">PHILADELPHIA</span><br>
+THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY<br>
+1913
+</p>
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</span></p>
+<hr class="short">
+<p class="center">
+<span class="smcap">Copyright 1896 by The Penn Publishing Company</span><br>
+</p>
+<hr class="short">
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+</div>
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</span></p>
+<p class="center">
+<span class="larger">HEARTS AND CLUBS</span><br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+<br>
+CAST OF CHARACTERS<br>
+</p>
+</div>
+
+
+<table>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>An elderly gentleman, with a hobby</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Tom Bestman</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A nephew of Mr. Fossil</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy</span>                       </td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A gentleman fond of his club</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A spinster who adores Beauty and Emerson</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mintra Triptoe</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>Miss Doting’s niece</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A would-be invalid</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A stout lady, an advocate of physical culture</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A thin lady, an advocate of physical culture</i></td></tr>
+<tr><td class="tdl"><span class="smcap">Miss Stein</span></td>
+    <td class="tdr vlb"><i>A teacher of physical culture</i></td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p class="center">
+<span class="smcap">Mrs. Pallide and Other Ladies of the X. Y. Z. Club</span><br>
+<br>
+<br>
+COSTUMES—MODERN.<br>
+</p>
+
+<p class="p2">In Act <abbr title="One">I</abbr>, Scene <abbr title="Two">II</abbr>, ladies should wear free, easily fitting
+dresses or gymnasium suits. Miss Doting’s dress is always
+gay and coquettish.</p>
+
+
+<p class="p2 center">
+<span class="smcap">Time in Representation—One Hour and</span><br>
+<span class="smcap">Fifteen Minutes.</span><br>
+</p>
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</span></p>
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</span></p>
+<p class="center muchlarger">HEARTS AND CLUBS</p>
+
+<hr class="short">
+
+<h3>ACT <abbr title="One">I</abbr></h3>
+</div>
+
+<p class="hanging">SCENE <abbr title="One">I</abbr>—<i>A seaside hotel.</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy’s</span> <i>sitting-room,
+prettily furnished. Table and chairs</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>Sofa</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>Doors</i>
+<abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>At rise of curtain</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy</span> <i>is discovered
+seated</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>of table reading a newspaper</i>. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>is
+lying upon sofa</i>.</p>
+
+<p class="p2"><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>sighing</i>) O dear!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> (<i>looking over top of paper</i>) What is the
+matter now, Lolly?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> The same old thing, this pain in my side,
+and there is a strange feeling in the back of my head. I
+wonder what it is!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Oh, you want something to distract you.
+Come, jump up, and let us go down-stairs and hear the
+music. You might as well be at home as moping up in this
+room. Come, it will do you good.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> O Joey! I couldn’t possibly dress and
+go down to-night. Just suppose I should faint!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Well, suppose you do; you are not likely
+to, you know. You would soon get over it, and you
+wouldn’t be a mile from your own room.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You are so heartless. I think it is cruel
+of you to talk that way. Even if I didn’t faint, those parlors
+are so draughty, and the music always makes my head
+ache.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Very well, we needn’t go. (<i>Silence, excepting
+the rustling of the paper.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Joe, can’t you read without making such
+a noise with the paper? It does distract me so. My poor
+nerves cannot stand much.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I cannot very well spend my evening
+spelling out the advertisements on one side of the paper.
+(<i>Sarcastically</i>) Perhaps I may be able to find a newspaper
+of a single sheet <span class="lock">only—one</span> of those patent-inside <span class="lock">arrangements—if</span>
+so, I certainly shall take it. (<i>Getting up</i>) Since I
+am so unpleasantly distracting, I had better leave you in
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</span>
+peace. They don’t mind speaking above a whisper at the
+club. (<i>Throws down paper and takes up his hat</i>) Good-night;
+don’t sit up for me. (<i>Goes out</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>burying her head in the pillow and sobbing</i>)
+There he goes again to that hateful old club, leaving poor
+forlorn me all alone. Oh, these heartless men! (<i>A knock
+at the door</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)</p>
+
+<p class="center">
+(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span>.)<br>
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Why, Lolly, what is the matter?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>sitting up and wiping her eyes</i>) O Anna!
+I am so glad you came in! It is the same old story, of
+course. Joe has gone over to the club, leaving me alone
+with nothing to do; I cannot do fancy work, it makes my
+back ache; I cannot read, for it makes my head ache, and
+so here I am deprived of everything, even my husband’s
+society. I am a perfect martyr.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>laughing</i>) Laura, you do make me laugh,
+you are so bent upon being miserable. Now, don’t put on
+that injured look. I have something to tell you.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>brightening up</i>) Have you? What is it?
+I am dying to hear.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> First, look at me. Do you see this new
+gown?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Yes. How well you look in it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>) That is just it. I am one inch
+longer in the waist than I was two months ago, and it is all
+due to physical culture.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Physical culture?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Yes. You have no idea what it does for
+one, and it would be just the thing for you.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Oh, no! I never could swing those
+dreadful Indian clubs and jump over a rope four or five
+feet high or squirm in and out of little square places like a
+snake. As for a trapeze, I have a perfect horror of one.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Nonsense! That isn’t what you have to
+do. Why, it is as simple as can be, to begin with, and has
+cured more headaches and backaches than I could begin to
+tell you of. See, I will show you a few of the first exercises.
+(<i>Rises, and goes through a few movements rather awkwardly</i>)
+There, now, that isn’t so dreadfully hard, is it? Come,
+Laura, say you will join our club.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Club! Did you say you had a club?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Yes; one must do something in Lent, and
+it is awfully stupid down here, so we have organized a club,
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</span>
+the X. Y. Z. The culmination of knowledge, you see, as
+opposed to A. B. C. The X. Y. Z. Club, composed of about
+a dozen ladies who are seeking different ends through the
+same means; I, for instance, am bent upon decreasing my
+size; even “add a cubit to my stature,” and it would not
+come amiss if I were able to stretch up to it and out of my
+avoirdupois. Mrs. Bodkin, on the contrary, pines for flesh,
+for breadth of chest, and mightiness of muscle. Miss Doting,
+the dear soul, thinks the movements “such lines of
+beauty,” and her prophetic eye sees herself, though spare
+of flesh, an undulating, willowy figure, gliding before some
+hero’s vision and into his heart; while dear Mintra, her
+niece, who has come down here with her, does it all “just
+for the fun of the thing.”</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Well, I really believe I will join you, since
+Mr. Joe is so absorbed in his club, and I will show him that
+I can have a club, too. Yes, I really will join you.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>delightedly</i>) That is right. We meet to-morrow
+in Mrs. Bodkin’s rooms at three o’clock. Now I
+must go. Good-night. Don’t get up.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Oh! I feel better already. I will go to the
+door with you. (<i>They go toward door</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>)</p>
+
+
+<p class="p2 center small">
+CURTAIN<br>
+</p>
+
+
+<p class="p2 hanging">SCENE <abbr title="Two">II</abbr>—<span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin’s</span> <i>drawing-room, handsomely
+furnished. Large table with lamp down</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>Doors</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>
+<i>and</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>in flat. Ladies are all present and are preparing
+for a meeting of the Club</i>. <span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span>
+<i>down</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Now, Lolly dear, you see us as we are, absolutely
+afraid of our teacher, each other, and our own
+selves. Mrs. Bodkin, (<i>addressing</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. <abbr title="Bodkin">B.</abbr></span>, <i>who stands
+near</i>) do you know I have lost a whole pound, and I am
+at least an inch longer in the waist.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin.</span> Really? Well, I have found your pound,
+and am triumphantly wearing it; and, as for your inch, I
+have added that to my chest measure.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You have? What is that Mrs. Pallide is
+saying, “Ma za?” Is she seeking a rhyme?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>laughing</i>) No, that is for exercising the
+muscles of the mouth, and so is the sentence she is practicing
+now, “Most men want poise and more royal margin.”</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Do you suppose we really need to exercise
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</span>
+the muscles of our mouths? I fancy our husbands
+will hardly think so.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Rank treason, my dear! Do they not
+need to exercise their biceps?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Do look at Miss Doting. Is she invoking
+Juno?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> No, she would never invoke any one but
+Venus, my dear.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>who has been going through some of the
+arm movements most extravagantly, shakes her finger at the
+three ladies as she approaches</i>) Ah, my dears, I see you
+laughing at me, but as that dear Emerson says in his ode
+to “Beauty,” “Unmake me quite, or give thyself to me.”
+And, oh! (<i>clasping her hands in a soulful way</i>) I do so long
+for “Beauty;” not the tender tints of spring, not the rose
+flush of June, but the beauty of autumn. Oh, surely,
+surely I may consider that I am not too late in seeking that
+aftermath.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Oh, surely, surely not too late, Miss
+Doting.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> You look so well to-day.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin.</span> That is a most becoming costume.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Oh! do you think so? Pet laughed at
+me, and though she is too dear a child to say so, I know
+she thinks me too old to wear pink; but, as I said to her,
+“Beauty is its own excuse for being,” and the rosy streaks
+of sunset are as beautifully tender as the auroral glow of
+morn. And why may I not be clad like the sunset?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Why, of course you may. (<i>Aside</i>) There is
+no one to say you may not; but can you, and not look like
+a guy, that is the question. (<i>Aloud</i>) Speaking of Pet, is
+Mintra not here? Ah, there she is.</p>
+
+<p class="hanging">(<span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>enters and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>meets her, goes front;
+other ladies go through different gestures very awkwardly,
+laughing and talking with one another</i>.)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Mintra, dear, I want so much to see you
+for a moment. I must enlighten you in a matter upon
+which I happen to be informed, and you do not. Old Mr.
+Fossil is here.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>starting</i>) Is he?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Yes, and Tom Bestman told my <span class="lock">husband—you</span>
+know what old friends they are, and you will forgive
+it, I <span class="lock">know—he</span> told my husband that his uncle was furious
+with him. Your aunt does not know of your engagement,
+does she?
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> No, indeed; I have told her nothing about it.
+She has only seen Tom twice, and doesn’t know he has an
+uncle. You know mamma could not have told her, for she
+did not stop in Philadelphia at all.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Well, Tom’s uncle vows he shall never
+marry any one but a strong-minded daughter of the soil;
+at <span class="lock">least—not</span> exactly <span class="lock">that—but</span> he advocates only sensible
+women, as he calls them, and objects in the most strenuous
+manner to high heels, small waists, and society foibles and
+follies.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Well!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Not at all well. You dear, silly little
+goose (<i>putting her arm affectionately around her</i>), do you
+know what that means? Why, it means that your dear
+Tom is thrown off to shift for himself, and instead of having
+a very comfortable berth he will have nothing at all; and
+though he is by no means a fool, yet it will be years before
+he is in a position to marry, if he doesn’t marry to please his
+uncle, and his uncle has conceived a frantic dislike to you.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Me?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Yes, “me” (<i>mimicking her</i>), and “me”
+must go to work and disabuse the old gentleman of his
+ridiculous ideas.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> But how?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> My dear goosie, you see the means before
+you. Physical culture, of course. Send to the city for
+low-heeled shoes; increase your waist measure at least four
+inches; be an enthusiastic walker; stand up straight; give
+him the idea that your one aim in life is to be sensible,
+that your ideal of perfection is a healthy peasant, <span class="lock">and—well,</span>
+that is all.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>enthusiastically</i>) I’ll do it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>approaching</i>) Ah, Pet, dear! you see I
+was right to wear my pink gown. I have received many
+compliments, I assure you. “I builded better than I
+knew,” as dear Emerson says. I want to tell you something,
+I met such a charming man just before I came upstairs.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>indifferently</i>) Who was it, auntie? You meet
+so many “charming men.”</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>coquettishly</i>) Now, Pet, how can I help it
+if they make themselves charming to me? Surely I do
+nothing to attract them, and you know how terribly soon
+my ideals vanish. But this time!—O Pet! (<i>theatrically</i>),
+“When half gods go, the gods arrive!” and Mr. Fossil is
+Jove-like in his dignity.
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>excitedly</i>) Mr. Fossil?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Yes, Mr. Fossil; and O Pet! he is so interested
+in our club, and he asked <span class="lock">me—well</span> (<i>coyly</i>), perhaps
+he should not have done so upon so short an
+acquaintance; but when I told him that we proposed
+giving an exhibition of our talent to the guests of the
+house, at a later date, he asked me (<i>giggles</i>), he asked me
+if he might come, and I said yes.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>laughing</i>) Well, auntie, I don’t think that was
+so terribly forward. I shall not object, for one.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Bodkin.</span> O Mrs. Frisk! do you know your lesson?
+(<i>Proceeds with a stanza of</i> “Young Lochinvar,” <i>hesitates
+and breaks down</i>.) There! I knew I could not do it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> Oh! never mind. You will be all right. At
+any rate, there are plenty to keep you company. I wonder
+where Miss Stein is.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Pallide.</span> She will be a little late, I think, for I saw
+her talking to Mr. Fossil, and you know his hobby. Do
+you know I cannot remember that neck movement to save
+my life.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Several.</span> Oh! can’t you? Why, this is it. (<i>All proceed
+to show her, differently.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Pallide.</span> I don’t see that I am any wiser than I
+was before. However, I will ask Miss Stein to show me.
+Do, somebody see if I say this correctly. (<i>Begins another
+stanza of</i> “Lochinvar,” <i>but stops to giggle</i>) Now, Mrs. Frisk,
+if you look at me in that way I cannot say it. I’ll tell Miss
+Stein of you. There she is now. (<i>All rush up to</i> <span class="smcap">Miss
+Stein</span>, <i>who enters the room</i>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>)</p>
+
+
+<p class="p2 center allsmcap">
+CURTAIN<br>
+</p>
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</span></p>
+<h3>
+ACT <abbr title="Two">II</abbr><br>
+</h3>
+</div>
+
+
+<p class="hanging">SCENE—<i>Porch of hotel. Gravel walk across stage in front
+of porch. Exits</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>Main entrance to hotel</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>in
+flat. Full-length windows</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>Wicker chairs scattered
+about porch.</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Bestman</span> <i>discovered
+seated down</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>rising</i>) Yes, sir, I say that the young men
+of the present day are idiots. Yes, sir, brainless idiots. Do
+you suppose for one instant, sir, that I intend my money to
+go toward supporting a race of wasp-waisted, deformed,
+hollow-chested women? (<i>Walking about porch excitedly</i>)
+Not for my right hand. I would rather see you married to
+a German peasant with thick ankles and a thick head than
+to a simpering silly society girl tottering along on her high-heeled,
+pointed-toed shoes. (<i>Stopping before</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>) Look at
+that. (<i>Takes a slipper from his pocket</i>) That is the kind of
+shoe I mean. Now, can you deny that this is the same
+style of footgear that your charming, lovely Mintra wears?
+(<i>Takes out a photograph</i>) I found this stuck in your mirror.
+Look at that waist. No wonder she stands with her back
+to you. I should think she would be ashamed to show her
+face. How does she breathe? Where are her lungs?
+Where is her heart? No, sir, it is time this <span class="lock">folly—no,</span> it is
+worse than <span class="lock">folly—this</span> crime, I call <span class="lock">it—should</span> be stopped,
+and I, for one, give no consent toward the encouragement
+of monstrosities. Now, you have my answer. You can
+marry your high-heeled, wasp-waisted, narrow-chested deformed
+ninny if you want to; but if you do, you leave my
+office at once, and every cent of my money shall go toward
+the founding of gymnasiums for women.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> But, uncle, you do not expect me to give up the
+girl I love simply because she does not measure a yard
+around her waist. What in the world has that to do with
+her moral character or her lovely, amiable qualities?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> It has everything to do with them. A girl
+that distorts the body the Lord gave her hasn’t proper
+moral perception, and as for her charming qualities, I suppose
+you can live on them.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> But, uncle, it is ridiculous to take a dislike to a
+girl you have never seen. Let me present you, <span class="lock">and—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> No, and I do not wish to see her. I hope
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</span>
+I never shall. I know enough of the species already. I
+shall go back to the city to-night, and I expect you to go
+with me.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Now, sir, that is a little too much. She is just like
+all girls. I mean she isn’t like all girls, but she has had no
+opportunity for doing differently because she has had no
+example before her, and you surely do not expect me <span class="lock">to—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I expect nothing, and if her nonsensical
+style suits you my ideas do not, so there is an end of it.
+(<i>Exit</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>)</p>
+
+<p>(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>) Tom, is that you?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>rising</i>) Yes; what is left of me.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Why, what is the matter?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Oh, nothing but what I shall have to stand. Uncle
+expects me to go back to the city with him to-night.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Well, never mind. You can come back again.
+Now, Tom, don’t look so glum. You know I want you to
+stay, but old people are apt to be a bit cranky, and it is best
+to humor them sometimes, then they get over their little
+tempers sooner. You should see how I have to manage
+Auntie. Was he so very angry when <span class="lock">you—when</span> you told
+him about me? (<i>shyly.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>savagely</i>) Yes. Confound his impudence!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Now, Tom, don’t be so savage. You know
+“the course of true love,” and if it is only this I don’t mind.
+As long as you are my own dear boy, the whole world may
+turn against me. We’ll have him on our side yet, you see
+if we do not.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> You dear little girl (<i>puts his arm around her</i>), if
+he could but see you once, he couldn’t help being on your
+side.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Tom, have I such a very small waist?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Yes, you are quite like a wasp.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Oh, you mean thing. I am not like one of
+those horrid, shiny, blue wasps.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> No, I didn’t mean a wasp. I meant a dear little
+busy bee.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> The reason I asked <span class="lock">is—but,</span> please promise
+not to tell any one.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> All right, I promise.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> You know there is a club organized here, just
+to fill up this stupid season, and you know how dull it is for
+me when you are not here, for I cannot write to you every
+hour in the day. Well, at first I wasn’t a bit interested, but
+I really am now. You see I had never thought of narrow
+chests, or little bits of waists being so very injurious. I
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</span>
+thought it was just a fad of old people, like Auntie; but
+when I heard Miss Stein <span class="lock">talk—you</span> know she has come
+down to give us <span class="lock">lessons—I</span> was converted at once, it all
+seemed so sensible. And so I have joined the club for
+Physical Culture, <span class="lock">and—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>rapturously</i>) You have!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Yes. Are you glad? Do you approve?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Approve! I should think so.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> I am so glad. Well, now you see, I practice
+often, oh! real often, and Tom, although you don’t seem to
+think so, I am ever and ever so many inches larger in the
+waist. And now the funny thing I was going to tell you is
+this: I sent to the city for some low-heeled shoes, for I
+have discarded all my high heels; but last night as I was
+going to close my shutters, one of them stuck. I couldn’t
+quite reach the catch, so I took up one of my high-heeled
+<span class="lock">slippers—for</span> the heel makes an excellent <span class="lock">hammer—and</span> as
+the catch sprang suddenly, it knocked the slipper out of my
+hand and it went flying out of the window. Of course, it
+was dark, but I told one of the hall boys to try and find it,
+and this morning he said he had hunted everywhere, but it
+was not to be seen. Now, who in the world do you suppose
+could have picked it up?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Ha! ha! ha! That is funny! Forgive me, my
+darling, but it is so funny, I can’t help laughing. I think
+I could tell where it is.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> O Tom! did you find it?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Never mind who found it. I have seen it, and that
+is all I shall tell you. It is perfectly safe.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Well! I think you are very mean. Do,
+please, throw it away where no one can find it. Do, like a
+good boy. Now I must go. You must not worry, dear.</p>
+
+<p class="center">
+(<i>Exit, both</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>)<br>
+<br>
+(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>)<br>
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> I am so glad no one is here. Now I can
+practice a little without being heard. (<i>Begins</i>) Ma-za-sca-ah.
+(<i>Goes through some gestures.</i>)</p>
+
+<p class="center">
+(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy</span>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)<br>
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Why, Laura, what are you doing?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>looking at him steadfastly and seriously</i>)
+Most men want poise, and more royal margin.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> So they do; so they do. (<i>Aside</i>) Good
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</span>
+gracious, now did she hear of that little speculation? I
+might as well own up. (<i>Aloud</i>) I know, my dear, I should
+have had more poise; but you know I don’t often lose my
+head, and a man certainly does need a royal margin when
+he is dabbling in stocks.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Joseph Alljoy, are you crazy?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> No. Are you?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Not at all. My mind is perfectly clear.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I, Joseph Alljoy, being of sound <span class="lock">mind—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Joseph, you certainly are insane. I presume
+you have left at the club the small amount of brains
+you once possessed. Now at my <span class="lock">club—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Ye powers above! She has a club! Clubs
+are trumps, and we seem to hold a full hand. How fortunate
+that you are my partner! I thought you always
+called for diamonds though?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Well, I don’t get them if I <span class="lock">do—not</span> when
+you deal.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Now, Lolly, don’t let’s quarrel. We have
+done so much of it lately, and you have seemed so like
+your old self, for the past few days, that I <span class="lock">hoped—indeed,</span>
+I did hope that our old happy days might come back.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> But you didn’t go to the club, then.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Neither did you. No, hearts were trumps,
+and they are best after all. Clubs! They are a man’s
+refuge</p>
+
+<div class="poetry-container">
+<div class="poetry">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0a">“From ev’ry stormy wind that blows,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">From ev’ry swelling tide of woes;”</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+<p>but a woman and a club are about as incongruous as a
+woman and a base-ball bat. You didn’t need clubs before
+we were married.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Neither did you.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> No; for you were very entertaining then,
+and did not need to be coaxed to go walking or driving.
+You cannot go anywhere with me now; but you are well
+enough to go to clubs.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You will be sorry you spoke to me in this
+way. I meant to tell you all about it, but I shall not now.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Now, Laura, do.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Aha! Curiosity is it?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Oh! no! But it is your duty to tell me.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> (<i>scornfully</i>) Duty!</p>
+
+<p class="hanging">(<i>They walk off</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>, <i>talking and gesticulating in an animated
+manner, as enter</i> <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>)
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! it is cruel of you to leave
+us so soon, but you naughty men are so uncertain; however,
+we must try and be contented, for Emerson says “Discontent
+is the want of self-reliance; it is the infirmity of will.”
+Now you must promise me again before you go that you
+will surely return to witness our little attempt to illustrate
+Physical Culture.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Well, really, Miss Doting, <span class="lock">I—ahem!—I</span> do
+not know whether my business will permit <span class="lock">me—but—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>with a little scream of dismay</i>) O Mr.
+Fossil! you surely will not disappoint us, I may say, disappoint
+me. Your presence wanting will cast the gloom of
+discouragement over us all, for we had hoped our champion
+would surely support us. You know (<i>coyly</i>) we are only
+debutantes, and need a great deal of coaxing and petting.
+(<i>with another little scream</i>) Oh, no! I don’t mean petting.
+I <span class="lock">mean—encouragement.</span> As dear Pet, my niece, says:
+“Auntie, you will never be anything but a child,” and
+indeed, as Emerson so beautifully expresses it:</p>
+
+<div class="poetry-container">
+<div class="poetry">
+  <div class="stanza">
+    <div class="verse indent0a">“Spring is still spring in the mind</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">When sixty years are told,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent0">Love wakes anew this throbbing heart,</div>
+    <div class="verse indent2">And we are never old.”</div>
+  </div>
+</div>
+</div>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Very true, very true, Miss Doting.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Now, Mr. Fossil, we can depend upon
+you, I know. I should so like you to see Pet, my dear niece.
+We are like sisters, and in this little club of ours she is so
+in sympathy with me. Fancy the dear child discarding all
+her pretty slippers, and wearing low heels; fancy her clothing
+her dear young form in the garb of a true dress reformer.
+You should see her pretty, graceful movements,
+free as the bird that wings its way over yon ocean; free as
+the curling wave that laps the bleaching sand. Oh, those
+exquisite movements of grace! O Beauty! Beauty! how
+I adore thee! Yes, Mr. Fossil, you should see my dear,
+heroic little niece.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I should like to see her, madam. A girl
+nowadays who is willing to elevate this degenerate race
+by discarding its follies and vanities, is a girl after my own
+heart. Miss Pet must be a niece to be proud of, and it
+speaks well for the teachings of her aunt, that she is so
+tractable and amiable as to follow her suggestions. I wish
+my nephew were as obedient.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> You have a nephew, Mr. Fossil?
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Yes, madam, my dead sister’s son, to whom
+I have been a father, and who now despises my counsels
+and derides my opinions.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! how can he? One so
+good, so noble, so truly wise in his judgments should be
+listened to as we listen to truth.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Thank you, thank you, Miss Doting. I
+think I must try and manage to get down to your little exhibition,
+and I anticipate much pleasure in meeting your
+niece. And now, my dear madam, I must make my adieux,
+for I fear it is train time.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Good-bye, Mr. Fossil, or rather, <i lang="fr">au revoir</i>.
+(<i>Stands gazing after him as he goes off</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>and</i>
+<span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>appear</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>goes up porch</i>. <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>goes off</i>
+    <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>,
+<i>lingeringly, turning back several times, while</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>waves
+her hand</i>.)</p>
+
+
+<p class="center">
+CURTAIN<br>
+</p>
+<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</span></p>
+<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop">
+
+
+<div class="chapter">
+<h3>
+ACT <abbr title="Three">III</abbr><br>
+</h3>
+</div>
+
+
+<p class="hanging">SCENE <abbr title="One">I</abbr>—<i>Parlor of hotel, furniture removed. The X. Y. Z.
+Club, in costume, gives its exhibition.</i></p>
+
+<p class="center">
+<i>If so desired, this scene may be omitted.</i><br>
+</p>
+
+<p><i>For suggestions, see Shoemaker’s “Advanced Elocution,”
+“Delsartean Pantomimes,” or “Drills and Marches,” published
+by the Penn Publishing Company, Philadelphia.</i></p>
+
+
+<p class="p2 hanging">SCENE <abbr title="Two">II</abbr>—<i>Same as above, with furniture. Arch with curtains</i>
+<abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>in flat. Entrances</i> <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <i>and</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr> <i>The company distributed
+in groups about the stage.</i> <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span> <i>and</i>
+<span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <i>still in costume, and</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span>, <i>down</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> And how were you pleased, Mr. Fossil?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Charmed, madam, charmed.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>turning to</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>) Pet, dear, allow me to
+present Mr. Fossil. You have heard me extol his wisdom
+and good taste. And he has heard of you, haven’t you,
+Mr. Fossil?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Indeed, yes, Miss Pet, I cannot express to
+you the great pleasure it gives me to meet a young lady so
+admirably sensible. Your aunt tells me you are an enthusiast
+in the matter of Physical Culture. “Strength before
+beauty” is my motto.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! but beauty!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Pardon me. I should say, “Strength is
+beauty.” The beauty of the vine depending upon the
+strength of its support, though it be nothing but the solid
+ground; the beauty of the rose taking its strength from the
+parent stalk. Fill nature with weakness and disease, and
+there you have ugliness, repulsive distortion. Ah, my dear
+young lady, I wish all women could realize that it is
+strength of body which makes beauty. You are fond of
+walking?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Oh, yes! I can walk miles.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> And return rosy and unwearied.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> But you know, auntie, how the English women
+walk; and look at our own country girls. Why, even our
+little children walk miles to school. Of course, if I wore
+little nippy heels, and went tripping along like a Chinese
+lady, I should soon get tired.
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Most sensibly spoken.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Thank you, Mr. Fossil. I knew you must be
+an advocate of fresh air. Isn’t it delightful to take in great
+draughts of pure oxygen and expand your lungs till you
+feel so invigorated that you long to dwell on a mountain
+top for the rest of your life? (<i>Aside</i>) I’ve been rehearsing
+those speeches for a week.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Admirable! Excellent! (<i>Aside</i>) A remarkably
+fine girl, Miss Doting. (<i>Aloud</i>) What charming costumes
+you are wearing, ladies. How much better those old
+Greeks knew how to dress than we do. But the day is
+dawning! Ah, Miss Pet! I wish that you were my niece!
+(<span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span> <i>looks very coyly conscious</i>.)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Are you sure, Mr. Fossil?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Quite sure. If my scapegrace of a nephew
+would only ask me to sanction his choice of such a girl, I
+tell you I should not be long in giving my consent.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Take care, Mr. Fossil; one never knows what
+may happen. Suppose I hold you to your word some
+day?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> May the day soon come, my dear young
+lady, is my hearty wish. (<i>Bows, ladies walk away, music is
+heard and all go out</i> <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <i>but</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <i>who stands listening</i>.)</p>
+
+<p class="center">
+(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Tom Bestman</span>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)<br>
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> O my darling! I wondered where you were. I
+saw you were not in the music room, so I came in here,
+hoping to find you. (<i>Takes her hand</i>) Dear, I saw you
+talking to my uncle, and naturally I am anxious to know
+what <span class="lock">he—I</span> mean what you thought of him.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>innocently</i>) Why, Tom, he is a dear, lovely old
+fellow, and he paid me no end of compliments. He actually
+said he wished I were his niece.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> He did?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Yes, he did.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Well, I vow!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>mocking him</i>) “Well, I vow,” you’re polite. Is it
+such a very astonishing thing that an old gentleman should
+make such a wish?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>pulling his mustache</i>) <span class="lock">No—but—at</span> least, not all
+old gentlemen, but this old gentleman isn’t like all old gentlemen;
+in fact, he is a very cranky old gentleman, and I
+didn’t <span class="lock">expect—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Didn’t expect! Never mind what you expected
+(<i>irritatedly</i>), I do not know that I especially indorse his wish;
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</span>
+indeed, as I come to think of it, I am quite sure I do not.
+(<i>Turns away, pouting.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>bewildered</i>) Why, my dear girl, what do you
+mean? Do you want me to understand that you do not
+care for me any more? (<span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>remains silent</i>.) My
+darling, don’t trifle with me. I have been terribly upset
+lately, and if I am stupid or dense you must overlook it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>turning to him, and putting out both hands</i>) O
+Tom, you are dense! I thought you would be so happy;
+I am. Don’t make me say so. Cannot you see how easy
+it all is?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> <span class="lock">Why—yes—I</span> suppose so, only when you are
+dealing with a cranky <span class="lock">uncle—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>entering suddenly</i>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr>) What’s this I hear?
+Cranky uncle! Cranky uncle, is it? (<i>Turning to</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>)
+Don’t let this young man make you believe his tales,
+Miss Pet.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> (<i>laughingly</i>) Ah, Mr. Fossil, remember what
+you said awhile ago. You do not know to what tales I may
+be listening.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I certainly indorse anything I may have
+said to you, Miss Pet.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> Do you? Very well (<i>aside to</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span>), present me
+as your <i>fiancée</i>. Do hurry, Tom.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> (<i>looking rather dazed</i>) Uncle, let me present you to
+my promised wife, Miss Mintra Triptoe.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>looking very much surprised</i>) Your promised
+wife? Miss Mintra Triptoe? Why, I imagined this young
+lady to be Miss <span class="lock">Doting—Miss</span> Pet Doting.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> No, Mr. Fossil, auntie is Miss Doting. I am her
+sister’s child, and all the family call me Pet.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Well, I am amazed. Nevertheless, my dear,
+I am delighted as well. You little cajoler. Ha! ha! ha!
+Pretty well done. Ha! ha! ha!</p>
+
+<p class="center">
+(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span>, <abbr title="Center"><span class="allsmcap">C.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span> <i>go out</i>,
+    <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)<br>
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Ah, Miss Doting, it seems that there is a
+possibility of our being more nearly related, and that your
+niece may be my niece, and my nephew your nephew.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! this is so unexpected.
+How have I won such a prize?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Prize? I am not sure about there being
+any great prize won, excepting on my side. If all is, as I
+hope it is, the prize will be won by my side of the house.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Mr. Fossil! what an adept you are
+in the language of love!
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I? Not a bit of it. Well, perhaps I may
+have been rather effusive to the lady; but I hope she did
+not think too much so.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> Too much so! How can you imagine it?
+What so delightful to a woman’s ears as the graceful appreciation
+of the man she <span class="lock">admires—respects—adores—</span>(<i>puts
+out both hands.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> (<i>taking her hands</i>) Well, Miss Doting, I had
+no idea that your niece was so impressed by my unworthy
+self, but she shall find me a warm friend. Yes, madam, we
+are to be congratulated. I will do my best for the young
+couple, and Tom will understand that his old uncle hasn’t
+such poor judgment after all.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>withdrawing her hands</i>) Your nephew!
+My niece! <span class="lock">I—I—do</span> not understand.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Neither did I, at first; but the sly things
+told me they were engaged. My nephew, Tom Bestman,
+to your niece, Miss <span class="lock">Pet—no,</span> I mean Miss Mintra <span class="lock">Do—no,</span> I
+mean Triptoe.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O, cruel! cruel! not to have told me at
+once.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> Not at all! not at all! Now, Miss Doting,
+pray do not take it in that way. Young folks like a little
+secret. I don’t blame them. Come, come, we old folks
+must give them our blessing and be happy with them.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> (<i>aside</i>) Old folks! O, crueller still! Ah
+well, “What does not come to us is not ours.” (<i>Aloud</i>) I
+suppose I must not be too harsh, Mr. Fossil; let us find
+them; but we should remember that Emerson says “the
+passion of which we speak, though it begins with the
+young, does not forsake the old,” and you are scarcely old
+yet, Mr. Fossil. (<i>Takes his arm and they walk off</i>, <abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr>)</p>
+
+<p class="center">
+(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Mr.</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span>, <span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk</span> <i>and others</i>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr><br>
+<span class="smcap">Mr.</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>go down</i> <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>)<br>
+</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Now, Joe, you see my club is perfectly
+harmless.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I congratulate you, Laura, I do, indeed.
+You are a trump. By George! but it was a revelation to
+me. I hadn’t an idea you women could be so limber. You
+looked stunning, too.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> And you’ll find it doesn’t stop here. I’ll
+take a five-mile walk with you to-morrow, if you say so.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Good! we’ll do it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> And, Joe, you may rustle the paper all
+<span class="pagenum" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</span>
+you choose, and if you go to the club, remember, I’m going
+too. Somehow I’ve given up being an invalid, so you’d
+better not let me be alone too much, with all this newly acquired
+energy.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I shall not want to go to the club if you
+will only be good company for me. To tell you the truth,
+the club is getting to be an awful bore, and I am about sick
+of clubs. That is a fact.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> Then we’ll begin all over again.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Frisk.</span> (<i>coming down</i>) Isn’t she a lively invalid, Mr.
+Alljoy? You may thank me for it.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> I do, most heartily. She’s her old self, indeed.
+Ah, here comes Tom and Mintra.</p>
+
+<p class="hanging">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Tom</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mintra</span>, <abbr title="Left"><span class="allsmcap">L.</span></abbr>, <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span> <i>and</i>
+    <span class="smcap">Miss Doting</span>,
+<abbr title="Right"><span class="allsmcap">R.</span></abbr> <span class="smcap">Mr.</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy</span> <i>go toward them</i>. <i>All meet
+centre.</i>)</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Miss Doting.</span> O Pet! why didn’t you tell me?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> What? About Tom? I was afraid to. (<i>looking
+roguishly at</i> <span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil</span>) I was afraid you’d tell Mr.
+Fossil.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> You little intriguer! Remember, I haven’t
+given my consent.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> But, you do, give it, sir.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Alljoy.</span> Oh, yes! Mr. Fossil!</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mrs. Alljoy.</span> You do give it, Mr. Fossil?</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mr. Fossil.</span> I do, indeed.</p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Tom.</span> Then we must <span class="lock">thank—</span></p>
+
+<p><span class="smcap">Mintra.</span> The Heart suit, for although Clubs were
+trumps, Hearts have, as usual, won at last.</p>
+
+<div style='text-align:center'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75848 ***</div>
+</body>
+</html>
+
diff --git a/75848-h/images/colophon.jpg b/75848-h/images/colophon.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..5383608
--- /dev/null
+++ b/75848-h/images/colophon.jpg
diff --git a/75848-h/images/cover.jpg b/75848-h/images/cover.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f8c520b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/75848-h/images/cover.jpg
author	nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org>	2025-04-13 05:21:03 -0700
committer	nfenwick <nfenwick@pglaf.org>	2025-04-13 05:21:03 -0700
commit	ea756bbf248f929db5fce05843573278b21ddb84 (patch)
tree	ab590f7cd290fe84ec5209d45f26a6bf53e5b360 /75848-h