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diff --git a/75663-0.txt b/75663-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d0f2958 --- /dev/null +++ b/75663-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,610 @@ + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75663 *** + + + +Transcriber’s Note: + +Words and phrases in italics are surrounded by underscores, _like +this_. Mid-poem illustrations were moved to follow the related +poem. Obvious printing errors, such as missing or partially printed +letters and punctuation, were corrected. + + + + + + PORRIDGE POETRY + + + + +[Illustration: + + PORRIDGE + POETRY + + COOKED, ORNAMENTED + AND SERVED + UP BY + HUGH LOFTING + + PUBLISHED BY + F. A. STOKES Cᵒ + NEW YORK] + + + + + _Copyright, 1924, by_ + FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY + + _All rights reserved_ + + + _Printed in the United States of America_ + + + + + PORRIDGE POETRY + + + + + THE PORRIDGE POET + + Dear Children, I would have you know it: + That this is me, the Porridge Poet, + My inspiration’s in the ice-box; + My rhymes I pick out from the spice-box. + + My verse is very free and easy, + Its flavour sometimes slightly cheesy; + But that, my friends, is no great crime in + The gentle art of kitchen rhymin’. + + I’ve made delicious maccaronics + From peelings off spring philharmonics. + And as for comic songs or ballads, + I turn them out like summer salads. + + ’Tis to the cook-book that I owe it, + My reputation as a poet. + And if you’ll watch my pot a minute + I’ll show you how I mix things in it. + + Now take a pint of vermicelli + And pound it to a nice smooth jelly; + If necessary use a hammer. + Then add a pinch or two of grammar. + + Shake in an ounce of sifted syntax + And half a teaspoonful of tin tacks, + Then flavour with eggstravaganza, + And there you have a lovely stanza! + +[Illustration: THE PORRIDGE POET] + + + VERA VIRGINIA + + Oh, what a popular person I am! + My full name is Vera Virginia Ham. + The barn-dance, the two-step, the sausage-roll trot, + The pig-jig, the hog-jog, I dance the whole lot. + +[Illustration: VERA VIRGINIA] + + + THE LOLLIPOPINJAY + + On lollipops I live. I’m gay; + I leap and swirl, I spin and sway. + Come join me in the dance, I pray! + Let’s go!--Slap-bang!--Hip, hip, hooray! + + For I’m the lollipopinjay. + I loll by night, I dance all day. + I jump, I crouch and pop away + Skip! Hop!--Tip-top!--Hip, hip, hooray! + +[Illustration: THE LOLLIPOPINJAY] + + + LATITUDES AND LONGITUDES + + ’Twas in the tropic latitudes + That we were talking platitudes, + Just sailor-like chit-chatitudes, + As any ship-mates might. + + We forgot to take our longitude + (Which was a grievous wrongitude) + So we didn’t reach Hong-kongitude + Till very late that night. + +[Illustration: LATITUDES AND LONGITUDES] + + + THE FLEDGELING AND THE BUG + + “Are you the kind of insect, Sir, + “My mother calls digestible?” + Enquired the little fledgeling of + The Sweet Potato Bug. + + “I’m nothing of the kind, my friend. + “My taste is just detestable-- + “And so is yours--Such impudence!” + He answered with a shrug. + +[Illustration: THE FLEDGELING AND THE BUG] + + + PICNIC + + Ella, fell a + Maple tree. + Hilda, build a + Fire for me. + + Teresa, squeeze a + Lemon, so. + Amanda, hand a + Plate to Flo. + + Nora, pour a + Cup of tea. + Fancy, Nancy, + What a spree! + +[Illustration: PICNIC] + + + SCALLYWAG AND GOLLYWOG + + Scally Wag and Golly Wog + Took their bag aboard a log + And started off to cross the ocean blue. + They’re still at sea, I have no doubt, + For all they do is fight about + Which shall be the Captain, which the crew. + +[Illustration: SCALLYWAG AND GOLLYWOG] + + + THE PALM FAMILY + + Nearby an African lagoon + Beneath the silent yellow moon + All safe from worries and alarms + There dwelt a family of palms. + + It was a peaceful life they led + Mr. and Mrs. and little Fred; + And when the wind blew soft and low + They’d whisper tales of long ago. + +[Illustration: THE PALM FAMILY] + + + THE FOOD-HYMN OF THE + COOK-GOBLINS + + Down where the glow-worms faintly glitter, + Down where the fire-flies gleam and flitter, + Come listen to the sausage twitter, + Sizz and crackle in the pan! + Tripe or truffles, fancy fishes, + It doesn’t matter what your wish is; + None prepare such luscious dishes + As we, the gay Cook-goblins, can. + +[Illustration: THE COOK-GOBLINS] + + + SCRUBBY CHUBBY + + Such a scowling and a growling, howling yowling for a toy, + You grubby, snubby, tubby, chubby, scrubby little boy! + +[Illustration: SCRUBBY CHUBBY] + + + OOM-PAH + + Oom-pah, boom-pah, oom-pah boom! + Like roses soon our cheeks will bloom. + We only ask for elbow-room + Oom-pah, boom-pah, oom-pah boom! + +[Illustration: OOM-PAH] + + + MISTER BEERS + + This is Mister Beers: + And for forty-seven years + He’s been digging in his garden like a miner. + He isn’t planting seeds + Nor scratching up the weeds, + He’s trying to bore a tunnel down to China. + +[Illustration: MISTER BEERS] + + + THE PIRATE OF THE KITCHEN SINK + + And who might this be, should you think? + Why, the pirate of the kitchen sink! + A dish-rag sail, a spoon for oar, + Could any captain wish for more? + + Aboard his racing coffee-pot + He roams an ocean steaming hot. + No cup or saucer stays afloat + That dares to bump into his boat. + +[Illustration: THE PIRATE OF THE KITCHEN SINK] + + + THE MILLINERY BIRD + + A friendly Arctic Puffin asked + The Millinery Bird, + “Aren’t the styles they’re wearing now + “A little bit absurd?” + + “Oh well,” sarcastically said + The other with a snigger, + “That will depend, my squatty friend, + “_Entirely_ on your figure.” + +[Illustration: THE MILLINERY BIRD] + + + MR. PARRY AND MRS. PRINGLE + + Said Mrs. Pringle to Mr. Parry, + “Tell me why you never marry?” + + Said Mr. Parry to Mrs. Pringle, + “Life is so much simpler single.” + +[Illustration: MR. PARRY AND MRS. PRINGLE] + + + WEI HAI WO + + A sage there was long, long ago, + A mandarin named Wei Hai Wo, + And at his window all day long + He sat and softly hummed this song + “How silly, Lily, lackaday! + “Deary daisy me!” + + Said young Sin Ching to Wei Hai Wo, + “Please tell me why you sit there so? + I never chance this way to come + But that I always hear you hum, + “How silly, Lily, lackaday! + “Deary daisy me!” + + “Well listen, friend,” said Wei Hai Wo, + “I love to watch the passing show, + “I take things easy, good and bad. + “Why should I rush through life like mad? + “How silly, Lily, lackaday! + “Deary, daisy me!” + + “If others wish to run about + “Then let them. But let me look out. + “I’ve found that peace, my good Sin Ching, + “Is quite the most important thing. + “You see now why I sit and sing, + “How silly, Lily, lackaday! + “Deary, daisy me!” + +[Illustration: WEI HAI WO] + + + THE VEGETABLE SCHOOL + + Teaching school is not so easy, + Be it big, or be it small, + With a Spring term class made up of + Vegetable scholars all. + + Make the turnips turn their toes out. + See the pumpkins punctuate. + Have the parsnips parse correctly. + Let us, Lettuce, start at eight. + + Lima Bean’s been most provoking. + Send him to the garden bed. + Artful artichoke, I see you + Beating beet upon the head. + + Spinach, spin your tops outside, please. + Take two sevenths from a whole. + Carrot, carry one and add, dear. + Cauliflower, call the roll. + +[Illustration: THE VEGETABLE SCHOOL] + + + THE WAFFLE-KITE + + This is the Waffle-Kite + And oh, what an awful sight + He looks when he digs in the marsh with his beak. + Mud pies it’s fun to make + To set in the sun to bake + When you’ve got the right kind of face, so to speak. + +[Illustration: THE WAFFLE-KITE] + + + CHRISTMAS DOUGH + + For Christmas Day the Christmas dough + Is kneaded high and kneaded low. + Punch it thick and thump it thin, + Flatten it out with a rolling-pin. + + In the kitchen’s lots of fun + When Christmas pie and Christmas bun + Are kneaded high and kneaded low + From lovely, squodgy, Christmas dough. + +[Illustration: CHRISTMAS DOUGH] + + + LOOSE IN THE MIDDLE + + Hey diddle, diddle, + I’m loose in the middle. + Why can’t I get on with myself? + It’s not my digestion-- + That’s out of the question, + ’Cause I left it at home on the shelf. + +[Illustration: LOOSE IN THE MIDDLE] + + + THE BOTTICELLO + + In Florence Signor Quaverello + Would play the four-string botticello + Every single Sunday night, ’tis said. + + Until his wife upstairs would bellow + “You noisy, good-for-nothing fellow! + “Hello! + “Quaverello! + “Put that thing away and come to bed!” + +[Illustration: THE BOTTICELLO] + + + THE TOFFEE ANALYST + + “Oh, I’m the Toffee Analyst + So learned and sophisticky; + I’m making out a candy list, + It’s going to be statisticky.” + +[Illustration: THE TOFFEE ANALYST] + + + UP WRIGHT AND DOWN WRIGHT + + Long ago the Brothers Wright + Were men of odd but great renown, + As different as day and night, + The neighbors called them Up and Down. + + Now Up Wright was devout and lean, + Proper, virtuous and prim. + Whenever he felt low or mean + He merely sighed or sang a hymn. + + A queerer pair was never made; + For Down Wright, short and thick, + Who always called a spade a spade, + Loved to argue, fight and kick. + + Yet through the ups and downs of life + Through thick and thin, through good and ill, + In spite of all their constant strife + The brothers lived together still. + +[Illustration: UP WRIGHT AND DOWN WRIGHT] + + + THE LEGEND OF THE SEA-SICK SEA-GULL + + Once there was a herring gull + Who found the ocean very dull + Said he, “I’m always sea-sick on the silly rolling sea. + + “I’ll go ashore and settle down + In some peaceful country town + And wear my carpet-slippers when I drink my china tea.” + +[Illustration: THE SEA-SICK SEA-GULL] + + + JIM NAST OF PAWTUCKET + + Here’s little Jim Nast of Pawtucket + Who slid down the stairs in a bucket. + He has more understanding + Since reaching the landing. + Just look at the hole where he struck it! + +[Illustration: JIM NAST OF PAWTUCKET] + + + CLIPPETY CLOP! + + Clippety, snippety, clippety, clop! + A pretty pernickety barber’s shop! + Walk up! Walk in and have a shave, + A dry shampoo--a marcel wave, + Your whiskers trimmed in any style. + Come in, sit down and stay a while. + Soon the barber chimpanzees + Will bow and smile and say, “Next please! + “We’re always busy--never stop. + “Clippety, snippety, clippety, clop!” + +[Illustration: CLIPPETY CLOP!] + + + PETROLEUM AND TURPENTINE + + “Oh won’t you be my Valentine + “This wintertime, sweet Turpentine?” + + “How can I be, Petroleum? + “I’m promised to Linoleum.” + +[Illustration: PETROLEUM AND TURPENTINE] + + + THE MILK AND HONEY HONEYMOON + + The Milky Way was made for you, + The Honey-Moon for me. + If we could only mix the two + How happy we should be! + + With a milk-and-honey honeymoon, + You see, my charming wife, + We’d only need a table-spoon + And we’d be fixed for life. + +[Illustration: THE MILK AND HONEY HONEYMOON] + + + GIBBERISH + + Sing a song of gibberish, + For this is rhyming day; + Hasty pudding, stirabout, + A goulash roundelay. + + Sing a junket rigmarole, + A shindig jamboree, + Catalogues or doggerels, + They’re all the same to me. + +[Illustration: GIBBERISH] + + + MRS. VAN DER HOOK + + There was a little lady and + her name was Mrs. Van der Hook. + She lived upon the main street of + the town of Amsterdam. + And when the neighbors told her it + was very rude to stand and look, + All she ever answered was, + “Well that’s the way I am.” + +[Illustration: MRS. VAN DER HOOK] + + + THE RAT AND GUITAR + + You’ve heard of the Cat and the Fiddle, + Well, I am the Rat and Guitar. + I play by the moon + Such a beautiful toon + The Cat goes on sleeping--Ha! Ha! + +[Illustration: THE RAT AND THE GUITAR] + + + BETWIXT AND BETWEEN + + Betwixt and Between were two betwins, + Their father’s name was Twoddle. + They’ve been alike as a pair of pins + Since they could scarcely toddle. + +[Illustration: BETWIXT AND BETWEEN] + + + THE KITCHEN KALENDAR + + Pastry and Bun day + Ought to be Monday. + Then Irish Stews-day + Falls on a Tuesday. + + Dine-out-with-friends day, + Let’s make that Wednesday. + Next, Apple-pie day + Should always be Friday. + + Sausage-in-batter day, + Put that down Saturday. + But what about Sunday? + Oh, take a rest one day. + +[Illustration] + + + THE HOUSEHOLD DRUDGE + + The Household Drudge + Was making fudge + In a great big china basin. + Alas! Alack! + She turned her back + And the poodle dipped his face in! + +[Illustration: THE HOUSEHOLD DRUDGE] + + + GOOD MORNING CORNUCOPIA + + Good morning Cornucopia! + Your face looks even soapier + Than when I met you walking yesterday. + + I know it, dear Symposium, + My complexion got so rosium + I covered it with lather and I left it there to stay. + +[Illustration: GOOD MORNING CORNUCOPIA] + + + GIMCRACK AND GEWGAW + + Gimcrack and Gewgaw + Were riding a see-saw + And Gewgaw was up in the air. + There popped up a rabbit, + And Gim ran to grab it. + Said Gew, “Oh, that’s not playing fair!” + +[Illustration: GIMCRACK AND GEWGAW] + + + LULU GUBRIOUS + + Said Auntie Macassar to Miss Lulu Gubrious + “Isn’t the weather just simply salubrious?” + “Why, no,” answered Lulu, “I think it’s monotonous. + “Just think if the rain should have gone and forgotten us!” + +[Illustration: LULU GUBRIOUS] + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 75663 *** |