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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + +Title: Mr. Pim Passes By + +Author: Alan Alexander Milne + +Posting Date: February 11, 2015 [EBook #7310] +Release Date: January, 2005 +First Posted: April 10, 2003 +Last Updated: January 19, 2005 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. PIM PASSES BY *** + + + + +Produced by Curtis A. Weyant, Stan Goodman, Charles Franks, +and the Distributed Proofreading Team + + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<h1>Mr. Pim Passes By</h1> + +<h2>A Comedy in Three Acts</h2> + +<p align="center" class="smallcaps">by</p> + +<h3>A. A. Milne</h3> + + + +<h2>Characters</h2> + +<blockquote class="smallcaps">The Original Cast at the Gaiety Theatre, Manchester</blockquote> + +<p>George Marden, J.P. . . . . . . . . . <i>Mr. Ben Webster.</i><br> +Olivia (his Wife) . . . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Irene Vanbrugh.</i><br> +Dinah (his Niece) . . . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Georgette Cohan.</i><br> +Lady Marden (his Aunt) . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Sybil Carlisle.</i><br> +Brian Strange . . . . . . . . . . <i>Mr. Philip Easton.</i><br> +Carraway Pin . . . . . . . . . . <i>Mr. Dion Boucicault.</i><br> +Anne . . . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Ethel Wellesley.</i></p> + +<p>The action takes place in the morning-room at Marden House, +Buckinghamshire, on a day in July.</p> + + +<blockquote class="smallcaps">The Original London Cast at the New Theatre</blockquote> + +<p>George Marden, J.P. . . . . . . . . . <i>Mr. Ben Webster.</i><br> +Olivia (his Wife) . . . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Irene Vanbrugh.</i><br> +Dinah (his Niece) . . . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Georgette Cohan.</i><br> +Lady Marden (his Aunt) . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Ethel Griffes.</i><br> +Brian Strange . . . . . . . . . . <i>Mr. Leslie Howard.</i><br> +Carraway Pin . . . . . . . . . . <i>Mr. Dion Boucicault.</i><br> +Anne . . . . . . . . . . <i>Miss Ethel Wellesley.</i></p> + + + + +<h1>Mr. Pim Passes By</h1> + + + + +<h1>Act I</h1> + + + +<p><i>The morning-room at Marden House (Buckinghamshire) decided more than +a hundred years ago that it was all right, and has not bothered about +itself since. Visitors to the house have called the result such +different adjectives as "mellow," "old-fashioned," "charming"–even +"baronial" and "antique;" but nobody ever said it was "exciting." +Sometimes</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>wants it to be more exciting, and last week she +rather let herself go over some new curtains; she still has the rings +to put on. It is obvious that the curtains alone will overdo the +excitement; they will have to be harmonized with a new carpet and +cushions.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>has her eye on just the things, but one has to +go carefully with</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>. <i>What was good enough, for his great-great-grandfather is good enough for him. However, we can trust</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>to see him through it, although it may take time.</i></p> + +<p><i>A scene plot is given at the end of the play.</i></p> + +<p><i>There are three ways of coming into the room: by the open windows +leading from the garden, by the doors to R., or by the staircase from +up</i> R, <span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>chooses the latter way–or rather</i> <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>chooses +it for him; and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>kindly and inoffensively follows her. She +comes down steps and crosses to</i> C., <i>followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> (<i>moves up, looking off</i> L. <i>and returning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> +R.C.). I'll tell Mr. Marden you're here, sir. Mr. Pim, isn't it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>nervously</i>). Yes–er–Mr. Pim–Mr. Carraway Pim. He doesn't +know me, you understand, but if he could just spare me a few moments–er—(<i>He fumbles in his pockets</i>.) I gave you that letter?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Yes, sir, I'll give it to him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>brings out a stamped letter which is not the one he was looking +for, but which reminds him of something else he has forgotten. Looking +at letter</i>). Oh! Dear me!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Yes, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Dear me. I ought to have posted this. (<i>Looking at letter</i>.) +Oh, well, I must send a telegram. You have a telegraph office in the +village?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Oh, yes, sir. (<i>Moving up to terrace up</i> L. <i>and pointing +off</i> L.) If you turn to the left when you get outside the gates, +it's about a hundred yards down the hill. Turn to the left and down the +hill.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Turn to the left and down the hill. Thank you, thank you. Very +stupid of me to have forgotten.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>exits up staircase R</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>wanders about the room humming to himself, and looking at +the pictures and photos on piano. Then goes out at window up</i> L.) +(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>enters from staircase up</i> R. <i>dancing, and humming the +air of "Down on the Farm:" she is nineteen, very pretty, very happy, +and full of boyish high spirits and conversation. She dances to foot of +stairs, looks off</i> R., <i>then down</i> C., <i>then to piano; sits +and plays a few bars and sings "Down on the Farm," rises and moves up +to</i> R. <i>of piano, and as she does so</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>re-enters from +window up</i> L. <i>and they come suddenly face to face up back</i> C. +<i>below the writing-table. There is a slight pause</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>backing a step</i>). Hullo!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. You must forgive me, but... Good morning, Mrs. Marden.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh, I say, <i>I</i>'m not Mrs. Marden. I'm Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>with a smile</i>). Then I will say, Good morning. Miss Diana.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). Now, look here, if you and I are going to +be friends, you mustn't do that. Dinah, <i>not</i> Diana. Do remember +it, there's a good man, because I get so tired of correcting people. +(<i>Moving down</i> C. <i>to</i> B.) Have you come to stay with us? +(<i>Sits on settee</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>following her down</i>). Well, no, Miss–er–Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>nodding</i>). That's right. I can see I shan't have to speak +to <i>you</i> again. Now tell me your name, and I bet you I get it +right first time. And do sit down.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>crossing to</i> L. <i>and sitting on settee</i> L.). Thank you. +My name is–er–Pim, Carraway Pim–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Pim, that's easy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. And I have a letter of introduction to your father–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>rising and crossing to</i> R. <i>of table</i> L.C. <i>and +speaking across same</i>). Oh, no; now you're going wrong again, Mr. +Pim. George isn't my father; he's my uncle. Uncle George–he doesn't +like me calling him George. Olivia doesn't mind–I mean she doesn't +mind being called Olivia, but George is rather touchy. (<i>Sitting on +table, facing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.) You see, he's been my guardian since I was +about two, and then about five years ago he married a widow called Mrs. +Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>repeating</i>). Mrs. Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. That's Olivia–so she became my Aunt Olivia, only she lets me +drop the Aunt. (<i>Speaking very sharply</i>.) Get that?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>a little alarmed</i>). I–I think so, Miss Marden.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>admiringly</i>). I say, you <i>are</i> quick, Mr. Pim. Well, +if you take my advice, when you've finished your business with George, +you will hang about a bit and see if you can't see Olivia. (<i>Rising +and moving</i> C.) She's simply–(<i>feeling for the word</i>)–devastating. I don't wonder George fell in love with her.</p> + +<p>(<i>Moving to above piano</i> R., <i>looking at photos, etc.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>rising and looking at his watch and coming</i> C.). It's only +the merest matter of business–just a few words with your uncle–Perhaps I'd better...</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>looking at photo on top end of piano</i>). Well, you must +please yourself, Mr. Pim. I'm just giving you a friendly word of +advice. Naturally, I was awfully glad to get such a magnificent aunt. +(<i>Moving down to</i> L. <i>of piano and taking up and looking at +photo of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) Because, after all, marriage <i>is</i> rather a +toss up, isn't it?–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>taken aback</i>). Well, I don't, know, I haven't had any +experience...</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>continuing</i>). And George might have gone off with anybody. +(<i>Moving to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.) It's different on the stage, where guardians +always marry their wards, but George couldn't marry <i>me</i> because +I'm his niece. Mind you, I don't say that I should have had him, +because, between ourselves, he's a little bit old-fashioned.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. So he married–er–Mrs. Marden instead.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Mrs. Telworthy–don't say you've forgotten already, just when +you were getting so good at names. Mrs. Telworthy. (<i>Moves to and +sits on settee</i> R.) You see, Olivia married the Telworthy man and +went to Australia with him, and he drank himself to death in the bush, +or wherever you drink yourself to death out there, and Olivia came home +to England, and met my uncle, and he fell in love with her and proposed +to her–(<i>rises and kneels on settee</i>)–and he came into my room +that night–I was about fourteen–and turned on the light and said, +"Dinah, how would you like to have a beautiful aunt of your very own?" +(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>laughs</i>.) And I said: "Congratulations, George." (<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> +<i>laughs again</i>.) That was the first time I called him George. Of +course, I'd seen it coming for weeks. Telworthy, isn't it a funny name?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, a most curious name–Telworthy. From Australia, you say?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Yes, I always say that he's probably still alive, and will turn +up here one morning and annoy George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>shocked</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. But I'm afraid there's not much chance.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>shocked</i>). Miss Marden! Really!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, Well, of course, I don't really <i>want</i> it to happen, but it +<i>would</i> be rather exciting. (<i>Crossing to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.) Wouldn't it, +Mr Pim?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Exciting!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>crosses to below settee</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. However, things like that never seem to occur down here, +somehow, (<i>Running up into window up</i> R. <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>watches her</i>.) +There was a hayrick burnt last year about a mile away, but that isn't +the same, is it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No, I should say that that was certainly different.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>coming to back of table</i> L.C.). Of course, something very, +very wonderful did happen last night. (<i>Backing away</i>.) No, no! +I'm not sure if I know you well enough–(<i>She looks at him +hesitatingly</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>uncomfortably</i>). Really, Miss Marden, you mustn't. I am only +a–a passer-by, here to-day and gone to-morrow. You really mustn't–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>looking round and earning down to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>), And yet there's +something about you, Mr. Pim, which inspires confidence.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>moving to</i> L.). Oh, no. Really, you mustn't tell me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>taking his arm</i>). The fact is–(<i>in a stage +whisper</i>)–I got engaged last night!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Dear me, let me congratulate you. I wish somebody would come here.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>running up to foot of staircase up</i> R. <i>and looking +off</i>), I expect that's why George is keeping you such a long time. +(<i>Turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.) Brian, my young man, the well-known painter–only nobody has ever heard of him–he's smoking a pipe with George in +the library and asking for his niece's hand. (<i>Coming back to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>, <i>and taking his hands, she dances round with him in a +circle</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>falls exhausted and coughing on to settee</i> L. <i>and</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>laughing sits on settee</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Isn't it exciting? You're really rather lucky, Mr. Pim–I mean +being told so soon. Even Olivia doesn't know yet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Yes, yes, I congratulate you, Miss Marden. Perhaps it would be +better–(<i>About to get up</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>comes in from staircase up</i> R. <i>She comes to</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Mr. Marden is out at the moment, sir–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>disappointed</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> (<i>seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). Oh, I didn't see you, Miss Dinah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Out! Eh? Dear! Dear!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, It's all right, Anne. (<i>Rising</i>.) <i>I'm</i> looking after +Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Very well, Miss.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>sotto voce</i>). Out! Oh, well, I'd better go–</p> + +<p>(<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>up staircase</i> B.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>excitedly</i>). That's me. (<i>Running up to foot of staircase +and watching</i> <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>off</i>.) They can't discuss me in the library +without breaking down–(<i>coming down</i> R. <i>and imitating</i> +<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>)–so they're walking up and down outside, and +slashing at the thistles in order to conceal their emotion. You know. I +expect Brian–(<i>Crossing up to</i> R. <i>of window</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>rising, calling</i>). Miss Marden! Miss Marden! (<i>Looking at +his watch</i>.) Yes, I think, Miss Marden, I had better go now and +return a little later. I have a telegram which I want to send, and +perhaps by the time I come back your uncle will be able–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>coming to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>). Oh, but how disappointing of you, when we +were getting on together so nicely! And it was just going to be your +turn to tell me all about yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. I have really nothing to tell, Miss Marden. I have a letter of +introduction to your uncle, who in turn will give me, I hope, a letter +to a certain distinguished man whom it is necessary for me to meet. +That is all. (<i>Holding out his hand</i>.) And now, Miss Marden, I +really think I'd better be going.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>taking his arm and hading him up stage</i> C. <i>to</i> L.). +Oh, I'll start you on your way to the post office.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Will you? Now, that's really very kind of you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. No, it isn't.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, but it is! You're a very kind little girl.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. I want to know if you're married–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, no, I'm not married.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>.–and all that sort of thing. You've got heaps to tell me, Mr. +Pim. Have you got your hat? (<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>shows his hat</i>.) Oh yes! That's +right.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian Strange</span> <i>comes in from window up</i> R. <i>He is what</i> +<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>calls a damned futuristic painter chap, aged 24. To look at +he is a very pleasant boy, rather untidily dressed. He is about to +tell</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>the result of his interview with</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>when +he catches sight of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.)</p> + +<p>Then we'll–hullo, here's Brian! (<i>Crossing below and to his</i> R. +<i>seizing him</i>.) Brian, this is Mr. Pim! Mr. Carraway Pim. He's +been telling me all about himself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. I haven't said a word. I never opened my mouth.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. It's so interesting. He's just going to send a telegram, and +then he's coming back again. Mr. Pim–(<i>coyly and moving down to head +of settee</i> R.)–this is Brian–<i>you</i> know,</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>nodding</i>). How-do-you-do?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. How-do-you-do, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>pleadingly and crossing below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>), +You won't mind going to the post office by yourself now, will you? +(<i>Coyly moving up to chair by writing-table and nervously kicking her +ankle, etc</i>.) Because, you see, Brian and I–(<i>She looks lovingly +at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>moved to sentiment</i>). Miss Dinah and Mr.–er–Brian, I have +only come into your lives for a moment, and it is probable that I shall +now pass out of them for ever, but perhaps you will permit an old man–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh, not so old!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>chuckling happily</i>). Not old? Well, shall we say a middle-aged man–(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>nods assent</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>laughs again</i>)–a +middle-aged man to wish you both every happiness in the years that you +have before you. (<i>Crossing in front of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, <i>shakes hands +with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) Good-bye–(<i>shaking hands with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>)–good-bye, +and thank you so much. Oh, I know my way. (<i>Moving up</i> L. <i>and +turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>.) Turn to the left and down the hill? Turn to the +left and down the hill.</p> + +<p>(<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>up</i> L. <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>watches him off up</i> L. <i>on +terrace and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>up</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>coming into the room below writing-table to</i> R.C.). Brian, +he'll get lost if he goes that way.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>crossing at back of windows and calling after him up</i> L.). +Round to the left, sir. Yes, that's right. (<i>He comes back into the +room, crossing down</i> L.C.) Rum old bird. Who is he?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Darling, you haven't kissed me yet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>moving up to her and pulling her down to below settee</i> +L.), Oh, I say. I oughtn't to, but then one never ought to do the nice +things.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Why oughtn't you?</p> + +<p>(<i>They sit on the sofa together–</i><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>to</i> R., <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> +<i>to</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Well, we said we'd be good until we'd told your uncle and aunt +all about it. You see, being a guest in their house–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. But, darling child, what <i>have</i> you been doing all this +morning <i>except</i> telling George?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Oh, <i>trying</i> to tell George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>nodding</i>). Yes, of course, there's a difference.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. I think he <i>guessed</i> there was something up, and he took me +down to see the pigs–he said he had to see the pigs at once–I don't +know why; an appointment perhaps. And we talked about pigs all the way, +and I couldn't say, "Talking about pigs, I want to marry your niece–"</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>with mock indignation</i>). Oh, of course you couldn't.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. No. Well, you see how it was. And then when we'd finished +talking <i>about</i> pigs, we started talking <i>to</i> the pigs–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Oh, <i>how</i> is Arnold?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Arnold...? Oh yes, that's the little black-and-white one? He's +very jolly, I believe, but naturally I wasn't thinking about him much. +I was wondering how to begin. And then Lumsden came up, and wanted to +talk pig-food, and the atmosphere grew less and less romantic, and–and +I gradually drifted away.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh, poor darling! Well, we shall have to approach him through +Olivia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. But I always wanted to tell her first; she's so much easier. +Only <i>you</i> wouldn't let me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. That's <i>your</i> fault, Brian. You would tell Olivia that she +ought to have orange-and-black curtains in here.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. But she wants orange and black curtains in here.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Yes. (<i>Rising and standing with her back to fire, +imitating</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.) But George says he's not going to have any +Futuristic nonsense in an honest English country house, which has been +good enough for his father and his grandfather and his great-grandfather, and–and all the rest of them. (<i>Kneels on settee</i>.) +So there's a sort of strained feeling between Olivia and George just +now, and if Olivia were to–sort of recommend you, well, it wouldn't do +you much good.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>looking at her</i>). I see. Of course I know what <i>you</i> +want, Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. What do I want?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. You want a secret engagement–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. And notes left under door-mats–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. And meetings by the withered thorn–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. When all the household is asleep.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. I know you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh, but it is such fun! I love meeting people by withered +thorns.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Well, I'm not going to have it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>childishly, sitting close to him</i>). Oh, George! Look at us +being husbandy!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. You babe! I adore you. (<i>He kisses her and holds her +hands</i>.) You know, you're rather throwing yourself away on me. Do +you mind?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>putting her legs up on settee and reclining her head on his +shoulder</i>). Not a bit.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. We shall never be rich, but we shall have lots of fun, and meet +interesting people, and feel that we're doing something worth doing, +and not getting paid nearly enough for it, and we can curse the Academy +together and the British Public, and–oh, it's an exciting life.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>seeing it</i>). I shall love it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>sincerely</i>). I'll make you love it. You shan't be sorry, +Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. You shan't be sorry either, Brian.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>looking at her lovingly</i>). Oh, I know I shan't.... What +will Olivia think about it? Will she be surprised?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Olivia? Oh, she's never surprised. She always seems to have +thought of things about half an hour before they happen. George just +begins to get hold of them about half an hour after they've happened. +(<i>Considering him, stroking his hair</i>.) After all, there's no +reason why George shouldn't like you, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. I'm not his sort, you know, really.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. You're more Olivia's sort. Well, we'll tell Olivia this morning.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>comes in from top of staircase up R</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>coming in</i>). And what are you going to tell Olivia this +morning? (<i>They jump up and go to her</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Olivia, darling–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, Oh, well, I think I can guess,</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>goes to her</i> R, <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>to her</i> L., <i>and they bring her down</i> +C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>following</i>). Say you understand, Mrs. Marden.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Mrs. Marden, I am afraid, is a very dense person, Brian, but I +think if you asked Olivia if she understood–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Bless you, Olivia. I <i>knew</i> you'd be on our side.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Of course she would.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I don't know if it's usual to kiss an aunt-in-law, Brian, but +Dinah is such a very special sort of niece that–(<i>she inclines her +cheek and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>kisses it</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>backing away to</i> B. <i>a little</i>). I say, you are in +luck to-day, Brian.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>moves up</i> C. <i>laughing</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>crossing below settee</i> L. <i>and up</i> L. <i>to +cabinet</i>). And how many people have been told the good news? + +<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Nobody yet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Except Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>crossing down to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). Oh, does he–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>timing as she reaches cabinet, up</i> L.), Who's Mr. Pim?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh, he just happened–(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>takes curtains and work-basket +from centre cupboard of cabinet</i>.)–I say, are those the curtains? +Then you're going to have them after all?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>with an air of surprise, coming down L., and putting work-basket on table L.C. and sitting with curtains</i>). After all what? +But I decided on them long ago. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) You haven't told +George yet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>moving to below stool</i> L.C.). I began to, you know, but I +never got any farther than "Er–there's just–er–"</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>crossing quickly below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and speaking into her +face</i>). George would talk about <i>pigs</i> all the time.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, I suppose you want me to help you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>sitting to</i> L. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Oh, do, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>sits on stool</i> L.C.). It would be awfully decent of you. +Of course, I'm not quite his sort really–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. You're my sort.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. But I don't think he objects to me, and–</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>comes in from terrace, a typical, narrow-minded, honest +country gentleman of forty odd.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>rises hurriedly and +crosses to above piano to</i> R. <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>rises and stands by +fireplace.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>unfolds curtains and prepares to sew</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>at the windows–he does not see</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). Hullo! Hullo! +Hullo! What's all this about a Mr. Pim? Who is he? Where is he? (<i>He +puts his cap on table, and comes down, into room</i>.) I had most +important business with Lumsden, and the girl comes down and cackles +about a Mr. Pim, or Ping, or something. Where did I put his card? +(<i>Bringing it out</i>.) Carraway Pim. Never heard of him in my life, +(<i>Moves back to writing-table and puts down card</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. He said he had a letter of introduction, Uncle George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Oh, you saw him, did you! (<i>Comes down</i> C. <i>to</i> R.) +Yes, that reminds me, there was a letter–(<i>he brings it out and +reads it</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. He had to send a telegram. He's coming back.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Pass me those scissors, Brian.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>crossing to above table</i> L.C.). These? (<i>he passes +them</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>giving</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>a nod of encouragement and looking round +at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). Thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>reading</i>). Ah well, a friend of Brymer's, Glad to oblige +him. Yes, I know the man he wants. Coming back, you say, Dinah? (<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> +<i>nods</i>.) Then I'll be going back too. Send him down to the farm, +Olivia, when he comes. (<i>Going up meets</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) Hallo, what +happened to you? (<i>Still moving up a little</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Don't go, George, there's something we want to talk about. +(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>gives a long whistle. All look sheepish and</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> +<i>notices their attitude</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Hallo, what's this?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>quickly and over back of i.e. table to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Shall I—! +(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>pantomimes. "Yes, do."</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>with a roguish loot at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). Yes, (<i>Sticks needle in +work</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>stepping out to</i> C.) I've been wanting to tell you all +this morning, sir, only I didn't seem to have an opportunity of getting +it out.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, what is it?</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>taken aback for a moment, looks to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>for +encouragement. She nods approval and turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, <i>takes her +hand encouragingly–</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>boldly</i>). I want to marry Dinah, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You want to marry Dinah? God bless my soul!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>rushing to him below and to his</i> R. <i>and pulling her +cheek against his coat, and her hands on his shoulder</i>). Oh, do say +you like the idea, Uncle George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Like the idea! (<i>Taking her hands from his shoulder</i>.) +Have you heard of this nonsense, Olivia?</p> + +<p>(<i>Movement of annoyance from</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. They've just this moment told me, George. I think they would be +happy together.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>crossing to fire-place</i> L., <i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). And what do +you propose to be happy together on?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (R.C.). Well, of course, I know it doesn't amount to much at +present, but we shan't starve.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Brian got fifty pounds for a picture last March!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>a little upset by this</i>). Oh! (<i>Recovering gamely</i>.) +And how many pictures have you sold since?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>gives a nervous look at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, <i>who +then sits on settee</i> R.). Well, none, but–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. None! And I don't wonder. Who the devil is going to buy +pictures with triangular clouds and square sheep? (<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>annoyed, +moves up</i> R.C.) And they call that Art nowadays! Good God, man +(<i>moving up to the windows</i>), go outside and look at the clouds!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>busy stitching rings on curtains</i>). If he draws round +clouds in future, George, will you let him marry Dinah?</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>looks round, annoyed.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>is hopeful and comes down +towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>upset by this, coming down to head of</i> L.C. +<i>table</i>). What–what? Yes, of course, you would be on his side–all this Futuristic nonsense. (<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>commences to sew</i>.) I'm +just taking these clouds as an example. (<i>Crossing to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) I +suppose I can see as well as any man in the county, and I say that +clouds aren't triangular.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>ingratiatingly</i>). After all, sir, at my age one is +naturally experimenting, and trying to find one's (<i>with a +laugh)</i>–well, it sounds priggish, but one's medium of expression. I +shall find out what I want to do directly, but I think I shall always +be able to earn enough to live on. Well, I have for the last three +years.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I see, and now you want to experiment with a wife–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Yes–no–no–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Yes, you do,</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. And you propose to experimenting with my niece?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>with a shrug</i>). Well, of course, if you–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You could help the experiment, darling, by giving Dinah a good +allowance until she's twenty-one.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Help the experiment! I don't <i>want</i> to help the +experiment. (<i>Crossing up to writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>apologetically</i>). Oh, I thought you did.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You will talk as if I was made of money. What with taxes always +going up and rents always going down, it's as much as we can do to rub +along as we are (<i>to back of</i> L.C. <i>table</i>), without making +allowances to everybody who thinks she wants to get married. (<i>To</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) And that's thanks to you, my friend.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>surprised</i>). To me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You never told me, darling. What's Brian been doing?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). He hasn't been doing anything.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>round to foot of table</i> L.C.). He's one of your +Socialists who go turning the country upside down.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But even Socialists must get married sometimes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>crossing below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>to fireplace</i>). I don't see +any necessity.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But you'd have nobody to damn after dinner, darling, if they +all died out.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>coming a little</i> C.). Really, sir, I don't see what my +politics and my art have got to do with it. I'm perfectly ready not to +talk about either when I'm in your house, and as Dinah doesn't seem to +object to them——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>moving towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>and championing him</i>). I +should think she doesn't.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Oh, you can get round the women, I daresay.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Well, it's Dinah I want to marry and live with. So what it +really comes to is that you don't think I can support a wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, if you're going to do it by selling pictures, I don't +think you can.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>moving to</i> R. <i>of table</i> L.C.). All right, tell me +how much you want me to earn in a year, and I'll earn it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>hedging</i>). It isn't merely a question of money. I just +mention that as one thing–one of the important things. (<span class="smallcaps">George</span> +<i>crosses to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>who backs towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>.) In addition to +that, I think you are both too young to marry. (<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>stamps her +foot</i>.) I don't think you know your own minds (<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>kneels +dejectedly on settee</i> R.), and I am not at all persuaded that, with +what I venture to call your outrageous tastes——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> You and my niece will live happily together. (<i>Pause. Crossing +up to writing-table, sits</i>.) Just because she thinks she loves you, +Dinah may persuade herself now that she agrees with all you say and do, +but she has been properly brought up in an honest English country +household–(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>throws up her arms and buries her face in her +hands on piano</i>) and–er–she–well, in short, I cannot at all +approve of any engagement between you. (<i>Getting up</i>.) Olivia, if +this Mr.–er–Pim comes, I shall be down at the farm You might send him +along to me.</p> + +<p>(<i>He walks towards the windows up</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>moving up</i> R., <i>followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>; +<i>indignantly</i>). Is there any reason why I shouldn't marry a girl +who has been properly brought up?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I think you know my views, Strange.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, <i>disappointed, crosses down</i> R. <i>again to below +table</i> R.C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. George, wait a moment, dear. We can't quite leave it like this.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I have said all I want to say on the subject.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>sits on settee</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, darling, but I haven't begun to say all that <i>I</i> want +to say on the subject.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>crossing down to back of table</i> L.C.). Of course, if you +have anything to say, Olivia, I will listen to it; but I don't know +that this is quite the time–(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>makes a marked movement as she +is sewing the curtains</i>), or that you have chosen–(<i>looking +darkly at the curtains</i>)–quite the occupation likely to–er–endear +your views to me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>mutinously, rising quickly and crossing to stool on which she +kneels and looks up into</i> <span class="smallcaps">George's</span> <i>face and bangs the table</i>). +I may as well tell you, Uncle George, that I have got a good deal to +say, too.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>crosses down to her</i> R., <i>gingerly pulling her sleeve, +trying to restrain her</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, darling. I can guess what you are going to say, Dinah, and +I think you had better keep it for the moment.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>meekly, backing to</i> R. <i>below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>and to</i> L. +<i>of table</i> R.C.). Yes, Aunt Olivia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Brian, you might take her outside for a walk. I expect you have +plenty to talk about.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>move up</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>following them up</i>). Now mind, Strange, no love-making. I +put you on your honour about that.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>looking round dubiously at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). I'll do my best to +avoid it, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>cheekily</i>). May I take his arm if we go up a hill?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I'm sure you'll know how to behave–both of you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (R. <i>of writing-table</i>). Come on, then, Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>following him</i>). Right-o. (<i>They exeunt through windows +and off to</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>as they go</i>). And if you do see any clouds, Strange, take +a good look at them. (<i>He chuckles to himself</i>.) Triangular +clouds–I never heard of such nonsense. (<i>He goes back to his chair +at the writing-table and sits</i>.) Futuristic rubbish... Well, Olivia?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>sewing curtains</i>). Well, George?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. What are you doing?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Making curtains–(<i>grunt of disapproval from</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>)–George. Won't they be rather sweet? Oh, but I forgot–you don't like +them.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. No. I don't like them, and what is more, I don't mean to have +them in my house. As I told you yesterday, this is the house of a +simple country gentleman, and I don't want any of these new-fangled +ideas in it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Is marrying for love a new-fangled idea?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. We'll come to that directly. None of you women can keep to the +point. What I am saying now is that the house of my fathers and +forefathers is good enough for me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Do you know, George, I can hear one of your ancestors saying +that to his wife in their smelly old cave–(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>looks up annoyed +at her levity</i>)–when the new-fangled idea of building houses was +first suggested. "The Cave of my Forefathers is good enough for——"</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising and coming to</i> R. <i>of</i> L.C. <i>table</i>). +That's ridiculous. Naturally we must have progress. But that's just the +point. (<i>Indicating the curtains</i>.) I don't call this sort of +thing progress. It's–ah–retrogression.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, anyhow, it's pretty.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. There I disagree with you. And I must say once more that I will +not have them hanging in my house. (<i>Going up</i> R.C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Very well, George. (<i>But she goes on working</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>seeing her continuing to sew, stops</i>). That being so, I +don't see the necessity of going on with them.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, I must do something with them now I've got the material.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>goes up to writing-table, sits and writes</i>.)</p> + +<p>I thought perhaps I could sell them when they're finished–as we're so +poor.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>turns to her with surprised look</i>). What do you mean–so +poor?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, you said just now that you couldn't give Dinah an +allowance because rents had gone down.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>annoyed</i>). Confound it, Olivia! Keep to the point! We'll +talk about Dinah's affairs directly. We're discussing our own affairs +at the moment.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But what is there to discuss, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, those ridiculous things.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But we've finished that. You've said you wouldn't have them +hanging in your house, and I've said, "Very well, George."–(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> +<i>is again annoyed</i>.)–Now we can go on to Dinah, and Brian.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>shouting</i>). But put these beastly things away.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>rising and gathering up the curtains</i>). Very well, +George.</p> + +<p>(<i>Going up</i> L. <i>she places the curtains on the cabinet</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>waits impatiently until she has put them away on top of +cabinet</i>). Ah! That's better.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>comes to table</i> L.C., <i>closes her workbox and then +crosses down to settee</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising and crossing down to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and placing arms +lovingly on her shoulder</i>). Now look here, Olivia, old girl, you've +been a jolly good wife to me–(<i>takes his arms from her +shoulder</i>)–and we don't often have rows, and if I've been rude to +you about this–lost my temper a bit perhaps, what?–I'll say I'm +sorry. May I have a kiss?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>holding up her face</i>). George, darling! (<i>He kisses +her</i>.) Do you love me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You know I do, old girl.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. As much as Brian loves Dinah?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>stiffly, taking her hands from his shoulders</i>). I've said +all I want to say about that. (<i>He goes away from her to</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, but there must be lots you want to say and perhaps don't +like to. (<i>Sits on settee</i> R.) Do tell me, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coming back to</i> C.). What it comes to is this. I consider +that Dinah is too young to choose a husband for herself, and that +Strange isn't the husband I should choose for her.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You were calling him Brian yesterday.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yesterday I regarded him as a boy, now he wants me to look upon +him as a man.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. He's twenty-four.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes, and Dinah's nineteen. Ridiculous. (<i>Crossing up to +smoking-table up</i> R., <i>and filling his pipe which he finds on +table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. If he'd been a Conservative, and thought that clouds were +round, I suppose he'd have seemed older, somehow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. That's a different point altogether. That has nothing to do +with his age.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>innocently</i>). Oh, I thought it had.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>crossing down</i> C. <i>stuffing tobacco into his pipe</i>). +What I am objecting to is these ridiculously early marriages before +either party knows its own mind, much less the mind of the other party. +(<i>Moving to fireplace looking for a match</i>.) Such marriages +invariably lead to unhappiness.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Of course, <i>my</i> first marriage wasn't a happy one.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. As you know, Olivia, I dislike speaking about your first +marriage at all–(<i>takes a match from table down</i> L. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i> +rises slowly and goes up to</i> R. <i>of writing-table</i>)–and I had +no intention of bringing it up now, but since you mention it–well, +there's a case in point. (<i>Sits on settee</i> L., <i>lighting his +pipe</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>looking back at it</i>). When I was eighteen, I was in love.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>turning to her</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Or perhaps I only thought I was, and I don't know if I should +have been happy or not if I had married him. But my father made me +marry Mr. Jacob Telworthy. (<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>looks up at her, annoyed</i>.) +And when things were too hot for him in England–"too hot for him"–I +think that was the expression we used in those days–then we went to +Australia, and I left him there. (<i>Goes slowly down to back of +settee</i> L.) And the only happy moment I had in all my married life +was on the morning when I saw in the papers that he was dead. (<i>Leans +with her arms over back of settee</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>very uncomfortable yet lovingly taking her hands with his +left hand</i>). Yes, yes, my dear, I know, I know. You must have had a +terrible time. I can hardly bear to think about it. My only hope is +that I have made up to you for it in some degree. (<i>She places her +left cheek lovingly on his head</i>.) (<i>Dropping her hands</i>.) But +I don't see what bearing it has upon Dinah's case.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, none, except that <i>my</i> father <i>liked</i> Jacob's +political opinions and his views on art. (<i>Moving slowly round</i> +L.C. <i>table to below stool at foot</i>.) I expect that that was why +he chose him for me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You seem to think that I wish to choose a husband for Dinah. I +don't at all. Let her choose whom she likes as long as he can support +her and there's a chance of their being happy together. Now, with +regard to this fellow–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You mean Brian?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, he's got no money, and he's been brought up in quite a +different way from Dinah. Dinah may be prepared to believe that–er–all cows are blue, and that–er–waves are square, but she won't go on +believing it for ever.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Neither will Brian.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>moving to</i> R. <i>end of settee</i>). Well, that's what I +keep telling him, only he won't see it. Just as I keep telling you +about those ridiculous curtains. (<i>Points to cupboard with pipe in +right hand over his left shoulder</i>.) It seems to me that I am the +only person in the house with any eyesight left.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Perhaps you are, darling; but you must let us find out our own +mistakes for ourselves. (<i>Sits on stool</i> L.C.) At any rate, Brian +is a gentleman; he loves Dinah, Dinah loves him; he's earning enough to +support himself, and you are earning enough to support Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>amazed</i>). What?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I think it's worth risking, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). I can only say the whole question demands much +more anxious thought than you seem to have given it. You say that he is +a gentleman. He knows how to behave, I admit; but if his morals are as +topsy-turvy as his tastes and–er–politics, as I've no doubt they are +(<i>rising and moving to</i> L.), then-er–In short, I do <i>not</i> +approve of Brian Strange as a husband for my niece and ward. (<i>Knocks +pipe out down</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>looking at him thoughtfully</i>). You <i>are</i> a curious +mixture, George. You were so very unconventional when you married me, +and you're so very conventional when Brian wants to marry Dinah.... +George Marden to marry the widow of a convict!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>advancing</i>). Convict! What do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Jacob Telworthy, convict–I forget his number–surely I told +you all this, dear, when we got engaged?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Never!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, but I told you how he carelessly put the wrong signature to +a cheque for a thousand pounds in England; how he made a little mistake +about two or three companies he'd promoted in Australia; and how–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes, yes (<i>crossing slowly to</i> C. <i>below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>), +but you never told me he'd been–er–well–<i>convicted</i>!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. What difference does it make?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. My dear Olivia, if you can't see that–a–a–oh, well!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh! A convict! So, you see, we needn't be too particular about +our niece, need we?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I think we had better leave your first husband out of the +conversation altogether. I never wished to refer to him; I never wish +to hear about him again. I certainly had not realized that he was +actually–er–well–convicted for his–er–(<i>moving to writing-table +and picking up his cap</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Mistakes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, we needn't go into that. As for this other matter, I +don't for a moment take it seriously. Dinah is an exceptionally pretty +girl, and young. Strange is a good-looking boy. (<i>Coming down to back +of settee</i> L.) If they are attracted to each other, it is a mere +outward attraction which I am convinced will not lead to any lasting +happiness. (<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>is about to protest</i>.) That must be regarded +as my last word in the matter, Olivia. If this Mr.–er–what was his +name, comes, I shall be down at the farm. (<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>goes out by the +staircase up</i> R.)</p> + +<p>(<i>Left alone,</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>rises, goes up</i> C., <i>takes up her +curtains again and crossing down</i> L. <i>sits on settee, and gets +calmly to work upon them</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>comes in by the windows from up</i> R. <i>and crosses to</i> +L. <i>window at back, then seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, <i>beckons to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +<i>and runs down to back of settee to</i> R. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +<i>enters from up</i> R., <i>and follows down to back of table</i> +L.C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>over back of settee</i>). Finished?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>startled</i>). Oh, no, I've got all these rings to put on.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. I meant talking to George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. We walked about outside——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Until we heard him <i>not</i> talking to you any more——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. And we didn't kiss each other once.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah and Brian</span> (<i>pointing roguishly and with satisfaction at</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Ah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Brian was very George-like. He wouldn't even let me tickle the +back of his neck. (<i>She goes suddenly to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and sits on +her</i> L.) Darling (<i>putting her arms round</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and +kissing her</i>), being George-like is a very nice thing to be–I mean +a nice thing for other people to be–I mean–oh, you know what I mean. +But say that he's going to be decent about it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Of course he is, Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>sits on stool</i> L.C., <i>and leans forward eagerly</i>). +You mean he'll let me come here as–as——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. As my young man?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, I think so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>kissing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Olivia, you're a wonder.</p> + +<p>(<i>Embraces her round the neck</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<i>Rising and crossing below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>touching him on the +shoulder</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>!</p> + +<p>(<i>Crossing to piano, sits and plays five bars of "The Wedding March," +rises and crosses at back of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>to</i> L. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> +<i>behind settee</i>.)</p> + +<p>Have you really talked him round?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I haven't said anything yet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>very disappointed</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>rises and backs to</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But I dare say I shall think of something.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Oh! my lord.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>disappointedly</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>going up</i> C.). After all, Dinah, I'm going back to London +to-morrow——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>crossing quickly towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). Oh, no, no!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Now, Dinah. You can be good for one more day, and then when +Brian isn't here, we'll see what we can do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>placing her hands on</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian's</span> <i>shoulders</i>). Yes, but +I didn't want him to go back to-morrow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>sternly, taking her hands away</i>). Must. Hard work before +me. (<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>moves to back of table</i> L.C.) Earn thousands a year. +(<i>Going down</i> R. <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>are amused</i>). Paint +the Mayor and Corporation of Pudsey, life-size, including chains of +office; paint slice of haddock on plate. Copy Landseer for old +gentleman in Bayswater. Design antimacassar for middle-aged sofa in +Streatham. (<i>Sitting and putting his legs up on settee R</i>.) Oh, +yes. Earn a living for you. Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>giggling</i>). Oh, Brian, you're heavenly. What fun we shall +have when we're married.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>with exaggerated dignity</i>). Sir Brian Strange, R.A., if +you please, Miss Marden. Sir Brian Strange, R.A., writes: "Your +Sanogene has proved a most excellent tonic. After completing the third +acre of my Academy picture, 'The Mayor and Corporation of Pudsey,' I +was completely exhausted, but one bottle of Sanogene revived me, and I +finished the remaining seven acres at a single sitting."</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>rising and looking about her</i>). Brian, find my scissors +for me. (<i>Sits again</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>rising and crossing to</i> C.). Scissors. Sir Brian Strange, +R.A., looks for scissors.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>clasping his hands behind his back, with a very important +walk, looks first on the top end of piano, then on writing-table at +back</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>playfully follows him round, imitating his walk</i>. +<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>crosses to cabinet up L. and finds the scissors on top, takes +them up and in a threatening attitude turns to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, +<i>exclaiming,</i> "Ha, ha!" <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>with a little playful scream +backs to chair below writing-table, and sits. Holding up scissors</i>.)</p> + +<p>Once more we must record an unqualified success for the eminent +Academician. (<i>Turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and with a bow hands them +over the back of settee to her</i>.) Your scissors.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Thank you so much.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Come on, Brian, let's go out. I feel open-airy.</p> + +<p>(<i>They go up</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Don't be late for lunch, there's good people. Lady Marden is +coming.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Aunt Juli-ah! Help! (<i>She faints in</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian's</span> <i> arms</i>.) +That means a clean pinafore. Brian, you'll jolly well have to brush +your hair.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>feeling it</i>). I suppose there's no time now to go up to +London and get it cut?</p> + +<p>(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>from stairs up R. and comes to foot of staircase, +followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>, <i>who comes half-way down the stairs</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Mr. Pim!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>delighted</i>). Hullo. Mr. Pim! (<i>Imitating a clown</i>.) +Here we are again! You can't get rid of us so easily, you see.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. I–er–dear Miss Marden——(<i>Crosses down to</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. How-do-you-do, Mr. Pim? I can't get up, but do come and sit +down (<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>shakes hands with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) My husband will be here in +a minute. Anne, send somebody down to the farm——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>, I think I heard the Master in the library, madam.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, will you tell him then?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Yes, madam,</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>goes out up staircase</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You'll stay to lunch, of course, Mr. Pim?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>coming down</i> C. <i>to</i> R.) Oh, do!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. It's very kind of you, Mrs. Marden, but——-</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh, you simply must, Mr. Pim. You haven't told us half enough +about yourself yet. I want to hear all about your early life.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Dinah!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>sits at piano and plays thirty-two bars of "If you could only +care."</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, we are almost, I might say, old friends, Mrs. Marden.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>comes down and kneels on settee</i> R., <i>listening to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>playing</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Of course we are. He knows Brian, too. There's more in Mr. Pim +than you think. You will stay to lunch, won't you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. (<i>sits on stool</i> L.C.) It's very kind of you to ask me, Mrs. +Marden, but I am lunching with the Trevors.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, well, you must come to lunch another day.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, thank you, thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. The reason why we like Mr. Pim so much is that he was the first +person to congratulate us. We feel that he is going to have a great +influence on our lives.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). I, so to speak, stumbled on the engagement +this morning, and–er–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I see. Children, you must go and tidy yourselves up. Run along.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Sir Brian and Lady Strange never run; they walk.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>stops playing</i>.) (<i>Offering his</i> R. <i>arm and +bowing</i>.) Madam!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>curtsies and takes his arm and they go up</i> C.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>takes mincing steps and playfully shakes her hand at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span>, <i>who is amused</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Au revoir, Mr. Pim. (<i>Dramatically</i>.) We–shall–meet–<i>again</i>!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. <i>laughing heartily, rises and bows</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>go out through the window up</i> C. +<i>to</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You must forgive them, Mr. Pim. They're such children. And +naturally they're rather excited just now.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, naturally, naturally!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Of course you won't say anything about their engagement. We +only heard about it five minutes ago, and nothing has been settled yet.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Of course, of course!</p> + +<p>(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>from staircase up</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Ah, Mr. Pim, we meet at last. Sorry to have kept you waiting +before. (<i>Shaking hands</i>.) How are you? How are you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. The apology should come from me, Mr. Marden, for having–er–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Not at all. Very glad to meet you now. Any friend of Brymer's. +You want a letter to this man Fanshawe?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Shall I be in your way at all?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, no, no, please don't.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Oh, no. It's only just a question of a letter. Fanshawe will +put you in the way of seeing all that you want to see. (<i>Crossing up +to writing-table, sits</i>.) He's a very old friend of mine. (<i>Taking +a sheet of notepaper and turning in chair to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.) You'll stay to +lunch, of course?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. It's very kind of you, but I'm lunching with the Trevors. (<i>Sits +settee R. and puts down his hat and gloves</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Ah, well, they'll look after you all right. Good chap, Trevor.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, very good ... very good. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) You see, Mrs. +Marden, I have only recently arrived from Australia–(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>stops +in her sewing and</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>looks up</i>)–after travelling about +the world for some years, and I'm rather out of touch with my–er–fellow-workers in London.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I see! You've been in Australia, Mr. Pim?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, yes, I——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>after a loud cough</i>). Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr. Pim. +I shan't be a moment.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, that's all right, thank you. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) Oh, yes, I +have been in Australia more than once in the last few years.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Really? I used to live at Sydney many years ago. Do you know +Sydney at all?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, yes, I was——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coughing</i>). H'r'm! Perhaps I'd better mention that you +are a friend of the Trevors?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Thank you, thank you. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) Indeed yes, I spent +several months in Sydney a few years ago.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. How curious! I wonder if we have any friends in common there.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coughing and gruffly</i>). Extremely unlikely, I should +think. Sydney is a very big place.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. True, true, but the world is a very small place, Mr. Marden. I had +a remarkable instance of that, coming over on the boat this last time.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Ah! (<i>Feeling that the conversation is now safe, he resumes +his letter</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Yes. There was a man I used to employ in Sydney some years ago, a +bad fellow, I'm afraid, Mrs. Marden, who had been in prison for some +kind of fraudulent company-promoting and had taken to drink and–and so +on.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, yes, I understand.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Drinking himself to death, I should have said. I gave him at the +most another year to live. Yet to my amazement the first person I saw +as I stepped on board the boat that brought me to England last week was +this fellow. There was no mistaking him. I spoke to him, in fact; we +recognized each other.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>rises</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Really?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. He was travelling steerage; we didn't meet again on board, and as +it happened at Marseilles, this poor fellow–er–now what was his name? +A very unusual one. Began with a–a T, I think.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>with suppressed feeling</i>). Yes, Mr. Pim, yes? (<i>She +puts out a hand to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>in an undertone, taking her hand</i>). Nonsense, dear!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>). I've got it! Telworthy!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>draws back in settee, overcome</i>). Telworthy!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Good God!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>a little surprised at the success of his story</i>). An unusual +name, is it not? Not a name you could forget when once you had heard +it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>with feeling, gazing into space with hands clenched</i>). +No, it is not a name you could forget when once you had heard it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>hastily coming over to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>). Quite so, Mr. Pim, a most +remarkable name, a most odd story altogether. Well, well, here's your +letter–(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>rises and tales letter</i>)–and if you're sure you +won't stay to lunch——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No, thank you. You see, I'm lunching with——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. With the Trevors, yes. I remember you told me. (<i>Taking his +arm and hurrying him up</i> C.) I'll just see you on your way.... +(<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, <i>who does not notice</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>holding out his +hand to say good-bye</i>.) Er–my dear——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>holding out her hand, but not looking at him</i>). Good-bye, +Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>shaking hands with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Good-bye, good-bye!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>taking him by the arm up</i> L. <i>towards the windows</i>). +This way, this way. Quicker for you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>, Thank you, thank you.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>hurries him up</i> C. <i>and he exits to</i> L. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> +<i>looks into the past and shudders</i>. <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>comes back to</i> +C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Good God! Telworthy! (<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>enters from up</i> R. <i>and +comes to foot of staircase</i>.) Is it possible?</p> + +<p>(<i>Before</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>can answer,</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>is +announced</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Lady Marden.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>crosses down to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and touches her on the +shoulder. They pull themselves together, and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>rises and is +crossing towards</i> C. <i>to greet</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>, <i>who does not +appear</i>.)</p> + +<p align="center" class="smallcaps"><b>Quick Curtain.</b></p> + +<h1>Act II</h1> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Scene</span>.–<i>The same scene and furniture with addition of a camp table +and five camp chairs outside on terrace at back centre. Lunch is +over.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden's</span> <i>whip and gloves are on writing-table</i>.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>enters with coffee for five on salver, from double doors</i> +R., <i>and is about to place it on table</i> L.C. <i>when</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, +<i>who follows her on, says</i>:)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. We'll have coffee on the terrace, Anne.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Very good, madam. (<i>Moves up</i> L. <i>and places salver on +camp table on terrace</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>follows</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>from double doors</i> R. <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> +<i>crosses at back of windows to</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. We'll have coffee on the terrace, Aunt Julia.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>crosses in front of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and up</i> L. +<i>through windows and sits</i> R. <i>at back of camp table</i>. <span class="smallcaps">George</span> +<i>follows</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>, <i>meets</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, <i>and both throw up +their arms despairingly.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>crosses up</i> L. <i>through +windows and sits to</i> L. <i>of camp table.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +<i>follow</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>on</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>exits at doors</i> R.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>turns, and seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>is annoyed, follows</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>up</i> L. <i>and sits</i> L. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). I know Aunt Julia likes a little music.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>comes down to piano and takes up small guitar.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +<i>crosses to</i> L., <i>laughing at her. She goes up</i> L. <i>of +writing-table, playing and singing, and crosses round back of writing-table and sits to</i> R. <i>of camp table,</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>follows her and +stands with his back to windows.</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> +<i>are annoyed with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah's</span> <i>playing, and tell her to stop, and +she does so.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>pours milk into</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah's</span> <i>cup and</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>passes it to her; she drinks and then commences to play again +and is stopped by looks from</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). No! No! Don't do it!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Your aunt does not like it, dear.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>want to be alone, so do</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +<i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. <i>At last</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>murmurs something about a +cigarette-case, and catching</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah's</span> <i>eye, comes into the room. +He leans against the sofa down</i> L. <i>and waits for her</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>loudly, as she comes in strumming on guitar</i>). Have you +found it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Found what?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>in her ordinary voice, crossing quickly down to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). +That was just for <i>their</i> benefit. I said I'd help you find it. It +<i>is</i> your cigarette-case we're looking for, isn't it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>taking it out</i>). Yes. Have one?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. No, thank you, darling. (<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>goes up</i> R. <i>in smoking-table for a match</i>.) Aunt Juli-ah still thinks it's unladylike.... +Have you ever seen her beagling? (<i>Comes down to piano, puts down +instrument</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. No. Is that very ladylike?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>sitting on settee</i> R.). Very.... I say, what has happened, +do you think?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>moving down to back of table</i> R.C.). Everything. I love +you, and you love me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Silly! I meant between George and Olivia. Didn't you notice them +at lunch?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>sits on table</i>). I noticed that you seemed to be doing +most of the talking. But then I've noticed that before sometimes. Do +you think Olivia and your uncle have quarrelled because of <i>us</i>?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Of course not. George may <i>think</i> he has quarrelled, but +I'm quite sure Olivia hasn't. No (<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>beckons to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>who +comes and sits above her</i>), I believe Mr. Pim's at the bottom of it. +He's brought some terribly sad news about George's investments. +(<i>Rising and facing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) The old home will have to be sold up.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Good. Then your uncle won't mind your marrying me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>by table above settee</i> R.). Yes, darling, but you must be +more dramatic about it than that. "George," you must say, with tears in +your eyes, "I cannot pay off the whole of the mortgage for you. I have +only two and ninepence; but at least let me take your niece off your +hands." Then George will (<i>hitting him on the shoulder)</i> thump you +on the back and say gruffly (<i>crossing to</i> L.), "You're a good +fellow, Brian, a damn good fellow," and he'll blow his nose very +loudly, and say, "Confound this cigar, it won't draw properly."</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>rising and crossing to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). Dinah, you're a heavenly +idiot. And you've simply got to marry me, uncles or no uncles.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Hush! (<i>She takes his hand and they sit on settee</i> L., +<i>hiding from others at back</i>). It will have to be "uncles," I'm +afraid, because, you see, I'm his ward, and I can get sent to Chancery +or Coventry or somewhere beastly, if I marry without his consent, +Haven't <i>you</i> got anybody who objects to your marrying <i>me</i>?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Nobody, thank Heaven.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Well, that's rather disappointing of you. I saw myself +fascinating your aged father at the same time that you were fascinating +George. I should have done it much better than you. As a George-fascinator you aren't very successful, sweetheart.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>kissing her hand</i>). What am I like as a Dinah-fascinator?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Plus six, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Then I'll stick to that and leave George to Olivia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. I expect she'll manage him all right. I have great faith in +Olivia. But you'll marry me, anyhow, won't you, Brian?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. I will.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Even if we have to wait till I'm twenty-one?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Even if we have to wait till you're fifty-one.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>holding out her hands to him</i>). Darling!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>uneasily</i>). I say, don't do that.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Why not?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Well, I promised I wouldn't kiss you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Oh! (<i>Rising and crossing to</i> C., <i>watching the others at +back</i>). Well, you might just send me a kiss. You can look the other +way as if you didn't know I was here.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Like this?</p> + +<p>(<i>He looks the other way, kisses the tips of his fingers, and flicks +it carelessly in her direction. She pretends to catch it, kissing her +own hands</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. That was a lovely one. Now here's one coming for you.</p> + +<p>(<i>She throws him a kiss. He catches it gracefully and conveys it to +his mouth</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>rising, and with a low bow</i>). Madam, I thank you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>curtsying</i>). Your servant, Mr. Strange,</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>rising from outside</i>). Dinah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>jumping up</i>). Hullo! (<i>Moving quickly to piano, plays +"Mickey."</i>)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>throws away his cigarette and walks to</i> L.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>comes in through the window up</i> L., <i>followed by</i> +<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>, <i>the latter a vigorous young woman of +sixty odd, who always looks as if she were beagling</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>coming down to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>above piano</i>). Aunt Julia +wants to see the pigs, dear. I wish you'd take her down. I'm rather +tired, and your uncle has some business to attend to.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>sits in chair up</i> C. <i>in front of writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>moving down</i> C.), I've always said that you don't +take enough exercise, Olivia. (<i>Turning to others</i>.) Look at me–sixty-five and proud of it. (<i>Goes up</i> R. <i>and takes up gloves +and riding-whip from writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>taking off her coatee</i>). Yes, Aunt Julia, you're +wonderful.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. How old would Olivia be if she took exercise?</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, <i>smiling, but with an admonishing look at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, +<i>comes up</i> R. <i>and places her coatee on balustrade</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>from up</i> C.). Don't fool about asking silly questions, +Dinah. Your aunt hasn't much time.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. May I come, too, Lady Marden?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>coming down centre to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). Well, a little +exercise wouldn't do <i>you</i> any harm, Mr. Strange. You're an +artist, ain't you?</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>stops playing</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Well, I try to paint.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>rises and moves to</i> R.C.). He sold a picture last March +for——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes, yes, never mind that now.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Yes, unhealthy life. (<i>Going to</i> R. <i>of writing-table and crossing at back, turns to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) Well, +come along.</p> + +<p>(<i>She strides out up</i> L., <i>followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>and</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>who upset</i> <span class="smallcaps">George's</span> <i>papers on writing-table as they +go</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>takes the curtains and workbox from</i> C. +<i>cupboard of cabinet and comes down</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>looking up and seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Really, Olivia, we've got +something more important, more vital to us than curtains, to discuss, +now that we <i>are</i> alone at last.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I wasn't going to discuss them, dear. (<i>Sits</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Of course, I'm always glad to see Aunt Julia in my house, but I +wish she hadn't chosen this day of all days to come to lunch.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. It wasn't Aunt Julia's fault. It was really Mr. Pim who chose +the wrong day.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>fiercely and rising</i>). Good heavens, is it true?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. About Jacob Telworthy?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yon told me he was dead. (<i>Moving down to</i> L. <i>of</i> L.C. +<i>table</i>.) You always said that he was dead.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, I always thought that he was dead. He was as dead as +anybody could be. All the papers said he was dead.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>scornfully</i>). The papers!(<i>Crossing up to smoking-table +for his pipe</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>as if this would settle it for</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). The <i>Times</i> +said he was dead. There was a paragraph about him. Apparently even his +death was fraudulent.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coming down</i> C.). Yes, yes, I'm not blaming you, Olivia, +but what are we going to do, that's the question, what are we going to +do? My God, it's horrible! (<i>Crossing to fireplace</i>.) You've never +been married to me at all! You don't seem to understand.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. It is a little difficult to realize. You see, it doesn't seem +to have made any difference to our happiness.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. No, that's what's so terrible. (<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>looks up +surprised</i>.) I mean–well, of course, we were quite innocent in the +matter. (<i>Sits in arm-chair down</i> L.) But, at the same time, +nothing can get over the fact that we–we had no right to–to be happy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Would you rather we had been miserable?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You're Telworthy's wife, that's what you don't seem to +understand. You're Telworthy's wife. You–er–forgive me, Olivia, but +it's the horrible truth–you committed bigamy when you married me. +(<i>In horror, going up</i> L.) Bigamy! (<i>Coming round to</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. It is an ugly word, isn't it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes, but you don't understand. (<i>Coming quickly down</i> C., +<i>sits on stool</i> L.C., <i>facing her</i>.) Look here, Olivia, old +girl, the whole thing is nonsense, eh? It isn't your husband, it's some +other Telworthy that this fellow met. That's right, isn't it? Some +other shady swindler who turned up on the boat, eh? This sort of thing +doesn't happen to people like <i>us</i>–committing bigamy and all +that. Some other fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>shaking her head</i>). I knew all the shady swindlers in +Sydney.... They came to dinner.... There were no others called +Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising with gesture of despair</i>). Well, what are we going +to do?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You sent Mr. Pim away so quickly. He might have told us things. +Telworthy's plans. Where he is now. You hurried him away so quickly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I've sent a note round to ask him to come back. My one idea at +the moment was to get him out of the house–to hush things up. +(<i>Going up to writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You can't hush up two husbands.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>in despair</i>). You can't. (<i>Sits at writing-table</i>.) +Everybody will know. Everybody!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. The children, Aunt Julia, they may as well know now as later. +Mr. Pim must, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I do not propose to discuss my private affairs with Mr. Pim——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But he's mixed himself up in them rather, hasn't he, and if +you're going to ask him questions——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I only propose to ask him one question. I shall ask him if he +is absolutely certain of this fellow's name. I can do that quite easily +without letting him know the reason for my inquiry.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You couldn't make a mistake about a name like Telworthy. But he +might tell us something about Telworthy's plans. Perhaps he's going +back to Australia at once. Perhaps he thinks I'm dead, too. Perhaps–oh, there are so many things I want to know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes, yes, dear. It would be interesting to–that is, one +naturally wants to know these things, but of course it doesn't make any +real difference. + +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>surprised</i>). No difference?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising and coming down to back of settee</i> L.). Well, that +is to say, you're as much his wife if he's in Australia as you are if +he's in England.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I am not his wife at all. (<i>Shaking her head</i>.) Jacob +Telworthy may be alive, but I am not his wife. I ceased to be his wife +when I became yours.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You never <i>were</i> my wife. (<i>Annoyed and crossing to</i> +R. <i>and back again to</i> L.C.) That is the terrible part of it. Our +union–you make me say it, Olivia–has been unhallowed by the Church. +Unhallowed even by the Law. Legally, we have been living in–living in–well, the point is, how does the Law stand? I imagine that Telworthy +could get a–a divorce.... Oh, it seems impossible that things like +this can be happening to <i>us</i>. (<i>Going up</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. A divorce?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I–I imagine so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But then we could <i>really</i> get married, and we shouldn't +be living in–living in–whatever we were living in before.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coming down to</i> R. <i>of table</i> L.C.). I can't +understand you, Olivia. You talk about it so calmly, as if there was +nothing blameworthy in being divorced.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, but——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. As if there was nothing unusual in my marrying a divorced +woman.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, but——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. As if there was nothing wrong in our having lived together for +years without having been married.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>placing her hands on table</i>). What seems wrong to me is +that I lived for five years with a bad man whom I hated. What seems +right to me is that I lived for five years with a good man whom I love.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>taking and patting her hands affectionately</i>). Yes, yes, +my dear, I know. (<i>Drops her hands and moves to</i> C.) But right and +wrong don't settle themselves as easily as that. We've been living +together when you were Telworthy's wife. That's <i>wrong</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Do you mean wicked?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, no doubt the Court would consider that we acted in +perfect innocence——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. What Court?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, you see, my dear, these things have to be done legally, +of course. (<i>Moving to</i> R. <i>to settee, thinking it out</i>.) I +believe the proper method is a nullity suit, declaring our marriage +null and–er–void. It would, so to speak, wipe out these years of–er—(<i>Moving back to</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Wickedness?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Of irregular union, and-er–then——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Then I could go back to Jacob.... Do you really mean that, +George?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>uneasily</i>). Well, dear, you see-that's how things are–one can't get away from–er——–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. What you feel is that Telworthy has the greater claim? You are +prepared to–make way for him?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Both the Church and the Law would say that I had no claim at +all, I'm afraid. I–I suppose I haven't.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I see. (<i>She looks at him curiously</i>.) Thank you for +making it so clear, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Of course, whether or not you go back to–er–Telworthy is +another matter altogether. (<i>Crossing to fireplace</i>.) That would +naturally be for you to decide.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>cheerfully</i>). For me and Jacko to decide.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Er–Jacko?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I used to call my first husband–I mean my only husband–Jacko. +I didn't like the name of Jacob, and Jacko seemed to suit him somehow. +(<i>Enjoying the joke</i>.) He had very long arms. (<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>is very +annoyed</i>.) Poor Jacko.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>annoyed</i>). You don't seem to realize that this is not a +joke, Olivia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>still amused</i>). It may not be a joke, but it is funny, +isn't it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I must say I don't see anything funny in a tragedy that has +wrecked two lives.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Two? Oh, but Jacko's life isn't wrecked. It has just been +miraculously restored to him. And a wife, too. There's nothing tragic +for Jacko in it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). I was referring to <i>our</i> two lives–yours +and mine.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yours, George? Your life isn't wrecked. The Court will absolve +you of all blame; your friends will sympathize with you, and tell you +that I was a designing woman who deliberately took you in; your Aunt +Julia–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>overwrought</i>). Stop it! (<i>Crossing over to her</i>.) +What do you mean? Have you no heart? (<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>gives a little hurt +cry</i>.) Do you think I <i>want</i> to lose you, Olivia? (<i>Sits on +her</i> L.) Do you think I <i>want</i> my home broken up like this? +Haven't you been happy with me these last five years?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Very happy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well then, how can you talk like that?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But you want to send me away,</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. There you go again. I don't <i>want</i> to. I have hardly had +time to realize just what it will mean to me when you go. The fact is I +simply daren't realize it. I daren't think about it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Try thinking about it, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. And you talk as if I <i>wanted</i> to send you away!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Try thinking about it, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You don't seem to understand that I'm not <i>sending</i> you +away. You simply aren't mine to keep.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Whose am I?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>dubiously</i>). Your husband's. Telworthy's.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>gently</i>). If I belong to anybody but myself, I think I +belong to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Not in the eyes of the Law. Not in the eyes of the Church. Not +even in the eyes of–er——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. The County?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>annoyed</i>). I was about to say "Heaven."</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising and crossing below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>to</i> C.). That +this should happen to <i>us</i>!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>works in silence. Then she shakes out her curtains</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>looking at them</i>). I do hope Jacko will like these.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>turning and seeing curtains</i>). What! You——(<i>Going up +to her quickly and taking her by the hands raises her from the +settee</i>.) Olivia, Olivia, have you no heart?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Ought you to talk like that to another man's wife?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Confound it, is this just a joke to you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You must forgive me, George; I am a little over-excited–at the +thought of returning to Jacob.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Do you <i>want</i> to return to him?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. One wants to do what is right. In the eyes of–er–Heaven.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Seeing what sort of a man he is, I have no doubt that you could +get a separation, supposing that he didn't–er–divorce you. I don't +know <i>what</i> is best. I must consult my solicitor. The whole +position has been sprung on us, and (<i>miserably sits on stool</i> +L.C.) I don't know, I don't know. I can't take it all in. (<i>Leaning +forward and burying his face in his hands</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Wouldn't you like to consult your Aunt Julia too? She could +tell you what the County–I mean what Heaven really thought about it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes, yes. Aunt Julia has plenty of common sense. You're quite +right, Olivia. This isn't a thing we can keep from the family.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Do I still call her <i>Aunt</i> Julia?</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>comes in from staircase up</i> R. <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>does not see her, +but</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>attracts his attention</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>looking up at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). What? What? (<i>Rising and +crossing up to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>.) Well, what is it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Mr. Pim says he will come down at once, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Oh, thank you, thank you.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>picks up curtains.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>goes out up staircase up</i> +R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. George, Mr. Pim has got to know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I don't see the necessity.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Not even for me? When a woman suddenly hears that her long-lost +husband is restored to her, don't you think she wants to ask questions? +Where is he living, and how is he looking, and–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>very angry, going to writing-table, sits</i>). Of course, if +you are interested in these things–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. How can I help being? Don't be so silly, George. (<i>Moves up +to</i> R. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>with the curtains on her arm</i>.) We +<i>must</i> know what Jacko–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>annoyed</i>) I wish you wouldn't call him by that ridiculous +name.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. My husband–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>wincing</i>). Yes, well–your husband?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, we must know his plans–where we can communicate with +him, and so on.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I have no wish to communicate with him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I'm afraid you'll have to, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I don't see the necessity.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, you'll want to–to apologize to him for living with his +wife for so long. (<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>looks up and round at her nonplussed</i>). +And as I belong to him, he ought to be told where he can–call for me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>after a struggle and scratching his head</i>). You put it in +a very peculiar way, but I see your point. (<i>With a shudder</i>.) Oh, +the horrible publicity of it all! (<i>Turns away and leans on writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>going up to him and comforting him, placing her hands on his +shoulders</i>). Poor George. Dear, don't think I don't sympathize with +you. I understand so exactly what you are feeling. The publicity! It's +terrible.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>miserably and turning in his chair to her</i>). I want to do +what's right. You believe that, don't you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Of course I do. (<i>Taking her hands away</i>.) It's only that +we don't quite agree as to what is right and what is wrong.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. It isn't a question of agreeing. Right is right, and wrong is +wrong, all the world over.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>with a sad little smile</i>). But more particularly in +Buckinghamshire, I think.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. If I only considered myself, I should say: "Let us pack this +man Telworthy back to Australia. He would make no claim. He would +accept money to go away and say nothing about it." If I consulted +simply my own happiness, Olivia, that, is what I should say. But when I +consult–er–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>with great feeling</i>). Mine?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. My conscience——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>disappointed</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Then I can't do it. (<i>Rises and is going up</i> L.) It's +wrong.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>making her first appeal</i>). Yes; but, George, don't you +think I'm worth a little–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>turning round, seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>coming</i>). H'sh! Dinah! +(<i>Moves back to writing-table. Loudly for</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah's</span> +<i>benefit</i>.) Well, then I'll write to him and–Ah, Dinah, where's +Aunt Julia?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>coming in from up</i> L.). We've seen the pigs, and now she's +discussing the Art of Landseer with Brian. (<i>Crossing in front of +writing-table to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) I just came to ask–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Dinah, dear, bring Aunt Julia here. And Brian too. We have +things we want to talk about with you all.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Right-o! (<i>Moves back up</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>outraged</i>). Olivia!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>turning on terrace</i>). What fun!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>goes to table</i> L.C. <i>and picks up her work-box. +Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Olivia, you don't seriously suggest that we should discuss +these things with a child like Dinah and a young man like Strange, a +mere acquaintance.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Dinah will have to know. I'm very fond of her, George. You +can't send me away without telling Dinah. And Brian is my friend. +(<i>Moving to cabinet, puts curtains and work-box on top of +cabinet</i>.) You have your solicitor and your aunt and your conscience +to consult–mayn't I even have Brian?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>forgetting</i>). I should have thought that your +<i>husband</i>–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>coming down to</i> L. <i>back end of settee</i> L.). Yes, +but we don't know where Jacko is.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I was not referring to–er–Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well then?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Oh, of course–You–naturally I–Oh, this is horrible! (<i>Sits +with his face in his hands at writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>is about to speak to him as</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>enters from +up</i> L. <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>looks at</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>, <i>then moves down to +centre.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>follows and comes to</i> L. <i>back end of +settee.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>follows</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>and comes to back of +table</i> L.C. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>moves round to</i> L. <i>end of settee</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). George and I have had some rather bad +news, Aunt Julia. We wanted your advice. Where will you sit?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Thank you, Olivia. I can sit down by myself.</p> + +<p>(<i>She does so, on lower end of settee</i> R., <i>moving cushion +away</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>). You sit there, my darling.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>sits in arm-chair down</i> L. <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>on +settee</i> L. <i>There is a good pause</i>. <span class="smallcaps">All</span> <i>are looking very +uncomfortable</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Well, what is it?</p> + +<p>(<i>Another pause</i>. <span class="smallcaps">All</span> <i>are still looking very +uncomfortable</i>.)</p> + +<p>Money, I suppose; nobody's safe nowadays.</p> + +<p>(<i>There is another good pause</i>. <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>looks up hopelessly +at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>moves up inquisitively towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>, +<i>who turns and gradually raising his head catches sight of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +<i>and gives him a severe look and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>retreats quickly to +back of</i> L.C. <i>table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>signalling for help</i>). Olivia——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>after a pause</i>). We've just heard that my first husband +is still alive.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Telworthy!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Good Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. George!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>excitedly</i>). And only this morning I was saying that +nothing ever happened in this house! (<i>Rising from arm-chair and +sitting to</i> L. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and remorsefully to her</i>.) +Darling, I don't mean that. Darling one!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. What does this mean, George? I leave you for ten minutes–barely ten minutes–to go and look at the pigs, and when I come back +you tell me that Olivia is a bigamist.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>jumps up and moves to</i> L. <i>of settee</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>indignantly advancing towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>). I say——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>restraining him</i>). H'sh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and taking her hand across table</i> L.C.). +If this is a row, I'm on your side.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Well, George?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising and coming down to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>). I'm afraid it's +true, Aunt Julia. (<i>Taking stool from</i> L.C. <i>to</i> C., <i>sits +on it</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>sits in arm-chair down</i> L.) We heard the news +just before lunch–just before you came. We've only this moment had an +opportunity of talking about it, of wondering what to do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. What was his name——Tel–something——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Jacob Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>in amazement</i>). So he's alive still?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Apparently. There seems to be no doubt about it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Didn't you <i>see</i> him die? I should +always want to <i>see</i> my husband die before I married again. Not +that I approve of second marriages, anyhow. I told you so at the time, +George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. <i>And</i> me, Aunt Julia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Did I? Well, I generally say what I think.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I ought to tell you, Aunt Julia, that no blame attaches to +Olivia over this. Of that I am perfectly satisfied. It's nobody's +fault, except——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Except Telworthy's. <i>He</i> seems to have been rather +careless. Well, what are you going to do about it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. That's just it. It's a terrible situation (<i>With a gesture of +despair</i>.) There's bound to be so much publicity. Not only all this, +but–but Telworthy's past.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. I should have said that it was Telworthy's present which, +was the trouble. Had he a past as well?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. He was a fraudulent company promoter. He went to prison a good +deal.</p> + +<p>(<i>General consternation</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>gives a long whistle and goes +up</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. George, you never told me this!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I–er——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I don't see <i>why</i> he should want to talk about it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>indignantly rising and moving to L. end of settee</i> L.). +What's it got to do with Olivia, anyhow? It's not <i>her</i> fault.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>sarcastically and emphatically</i>). Oh, no, I daresay +it's mine.</p> + +<p>(<i>There is an uncomfortable pause</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). You wanted to ask Aunt Julia what was the +right thing to do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>crossing down L.C. and bursting out</i>). Good Heavens, what +is there to do except the one and only thing? (<i>They all look at him +and he becomes embarrassed and backs up stage a little</i>.) I'm sorry. +You don't want <i>me</i> to——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>taking his hand across table</i> L.C.). <i>I</i> do, Brian.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Well, go on, Mr. Strange. What would <i>you</i> do in +George's position?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>crosses down to back of table</i> L.C.). Do? Say to the woman +I loved, "You're <i>mine</i> (<i>bangs table with his fist</i>), and +let this other damned fellow come and take you from me if he can!" And +he couldn't–how could he?–not if the woman chose <i>me</i>.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>gazes at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>in amazement</i>, <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>in +anger</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>presses his hand gratefully. He has said what she +has been waiting–oh, so eagerly–for</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>to say</i>. <span class="smallcaps">George</span> +<i>rises and goes angrily up to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>who defies him</i>. +<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>is subdued and moves helplessly up</i> C. <i>followed by</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>who is still defiant</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>rises and runs up</i> L. +<i>and round back of settee</i> L. <i>and up to left of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +<i>and takes his arm</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>adoringly</i>). Oh, Brian! (<i>In a loud whisper</i>.) It +<i>is</i> me, isn't it, and not Olivia?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. You baby, of course!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. I'm afraid, Mr. Strange (<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>with an exclamation of +annoyance comes down to</i> L. <i>of settee</i> L.), your morals are as +peculiar as your views on Art.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>down to back of table</i> L.C.). This is not a question of +morals or of art, it's a question of love.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Hear, hear!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). Isn't it that girl's bed-time yet?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>and taking her hand</i>). We'll let her sit +up a little longer if she's good.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. I will be good, Olivia (<i>aggressively to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>), +only I thought anybody, however important a debate was, was allowed to +say "Hear, hear!"</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coming down</i> C.). Really, Olivia, I really think we could +discuss this better if Mr. Strange took Dinah out for a walk. Strange, +If you–er——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Tell them what you have settled first, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Settled? What is there to be settled? It settles itself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>sadly</i>). That's just it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. The marriage must be annulled–is that the word, George?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I presume so. (<i>Sits on stool</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. One's solicitor will know all about that, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. And when the marriage has been annulled, what then?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Presumably Olivia will return to her husband.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>bitterly to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>). And <i>that's</i> morality! As +expounded by Bishop Landseer!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>angered, rising and facing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). I don't know what you +mean by Bishop Landseer. Morality is acting in accordance with the Laws +of the Land and the Laws of the Church. I am quite prepared to believe +that your creed embraces neither marriage (<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>gives a little cry +and bangs a cushion on settee angrily</i>) nor monogamy, but my creed +is different.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>fiercely</i>). My creed includes both marriage and monogamy, +and monogamy means sticking to the woman you love, as long as she wants +you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>calmly</i>). You suggest that George and Olivia should +go on living together, although they have never been legally married. +Bless the man, what do you think the County would say?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>scornfully</i>). Does it matter?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Well, if you really want to know, the men would say, "Gad, she's +a fine woman; I don't wonder he sticks to her," and the women would +say, "I can't <i>think</i> what he sees in her to stick to her like +that," and they'd both say, "After all, he may be a damn fool, but you +can't deny he's a sportsman."</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>is very indignant</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). Was it for this sort of thing Olivia, that +you insisted on having Dinah and Mr. Strange in here? To insult me in +my own house?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. I can't think what young people are coming to nowadays.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I think, dear, you and Brian had better go.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>getting up</i>). We will go. (<i>Crossing below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> +<i>and putting her knee on stool and looking cheekily up into</i> +<span class="smallcaps">George</span>'s <i>face</i>.) But I'm just going to say one thing, Uncle +George. Brian and I <i>are</i> going to marry each other, and when we +are married we'll stick to each other, however many of our dead +husbands and wives turn up! Come on, Brian. (<i>She goes up</i> C. +<i>and through window and goes out indignantly, followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> +R.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>follows them up</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Upon my word, this is a pleasant discussion.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I think the discussion is over, George. It is only a question +of where I shall go, while you are bringing your–what sort of suit did +you call it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). Nullity suit. I suppose that <i>is</i> +the best thing?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. It's horrible. (<i>Moving down between stool and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>.) The awful publicity. That it should be happening to <i>us</i>, +that's what I can't get over.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. I don't remember anything of the sort in the Marden Family +before, ever.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>absently</i>). Lady Fanny.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>recollecting</i>). Yes, of course; but that was two +hundred years ago. The standards were different then. (<i>Rising and +going up</i> C. <i>to</i> R.) Besides, it wasn't quite the same, +anyhow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>absently</i>). No, it wasn't quite the same.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>R. of writing-table</i>). No. We shall all feel it. +Terribly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>his apology</i>). If there were any other way! Olivia, what +<i>can</i> I do? It <i>is</i> the only way, isn't it? All that that +fellow said–of course, it sounds very well–but as things are.... +(<i>Crossing towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) <i>Is</i> there anything in marriage, +or isn't there? You believe that there is, don't you? You aren't one of +these Socialists. Well, then, <i>can</i> we go on living together when +you're another man's wife? It isn't only what people will say, but it +<i>is</i> wrong, isn't it?.... And supposing he doesn't divorce you, +are we to go on living together, unmarried, for <i>ever</i>? (<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>turns and listens</i>.) Olivia, you seem to think that I'm +just thinking of the publicity–what people will say. I'm not. I'm not. +That comes in any way. But I want to do what's right, what's best. I +don't mean what's best for us, what makes us happiest, I mean what's +really best, what's rightest. What anybody else would do in my place. +(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>holds out her hands lovingly towards him</i>.) <i>I</i> +don't know. It's so unfair. You're not my wife at all, but I want to do +what's right.... (<i>Sits foot of table</i> L.C.) Oh, Olivia, Olivia, +you do understand, don't you?</p> + +<p>(<i>They have both forgotten</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>has never taken +her eyes off him as he makes his last attempt to convince himself</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>almost tenderly</i>). So very, very well, George. Oh, I +understand just what you are feeling. And oh, I do so wish that you +could–(<i>with a little sigh</i>)–but then it wouldn't be George, not +the George I married–(<i>with a rueful little laugh</i>)–or didn't +quite marry.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. I must say, I think you are both talking a little wildly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>repeating it, oh, so tenderly</i>). Or didn't–quite–marry.</p> + +<p>(<i>She looks at him with all her heart in her eyes. She is giving him +his last chance to say "Damn Telworthy; you're mine!" He rises and +crosses to</i> R. <i>He struggles desperately with himself, turns +to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Olivia! Olivia! My darling!</p> + +<p>(<i>She rises. He crosses to her and takes her in his arms</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>enters from double doors</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Mr. Pim is here, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>prompting him</i>). Mr. Pim, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>emerging from the struggle with an effort</i>). Pim? Pim? +Oh, ah, yes, of course. (<i>Crossing up to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>.) Mr. Pim. +(<i>Looking up</i>.) Where have you put him?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I want to see Mr. Pim, too, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>coming down</i> C. <i>to</i> R. <i>of table</i> L.C.). +Who on earth is Mr. Pim?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Show him in here, Anne. (<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>comes back to</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Yes, madam.</p> + +<p>(<i>She goes out double doors</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. It was Mr. Pim who told us about my husband. He came across +with him in the boat, and recognized him as the Telworthy he knew in +Australia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Oh! Shall I be in the way? (<i>Moving down to</i> R.C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. No, no. It doesn't matter, does it, Olivia?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Please stay.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>sits</i> R. <i>settee</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Anne</span> <i>enters at double doors followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Anne</span>. Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>pulling himself together</i>). Ah, Mr. Pim! Very good of you +to have come.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, not at all!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. The fact is–er–(<i>It is too much for him; he looks +despairingly at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. We're so sorry to trouble you, Mr. Pim. By the way, do you know +Lady Marden?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>centre</i>). No, I haven't the honour.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>introducing</i>). My Aunt! Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>bow to each other</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Do come and sit down, won't you? (<i>Pim is moving to</i> L., +<i>turns and bumps into</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>, <i>who is following him. She makes +room for him on the sofa next to her</i>.) The fact is, Mr. Pim, you +gave us rather a surprise this morning, and before we had time to +realize what it all meant, you had gone.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. A surprise, Mrs. Marden? Dear me, not an unpleasant one, I hope?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, rather a–surprising one. (<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>coughs</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<i>Pim sits to</i> R. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, <i>who takes his hat and +places it to her</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>turns to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>). Olivia, allow me a moment. Mr. +Pim, you mentioned a man called Telworthy this morning. My wife used to +(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>gives a pronounced cough</i>)–that is to say, I used +to–that is, there are reasons–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I think we had better be perfectly frank, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>aggressively</i>). I am sixty-five years of age, Mr. +Pim, and I can say that I've never had a moment's uneasiness by +(<i>beating her knee with her hand, stick in left hand</i>) telling the +truth.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>fix each other with a look</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> +<i>then looks at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>and leans back on +settee</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>after a desperate effort to keep up with the conversation</i>). +Oh!... I–er–I'm afraid I am rather at sea. Have I–er–left anything +unsaid in presenting my credentials to you this morning?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> Oh, no!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. This Telworthy whom you mention–I seem to remember the name–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Mr. Pim, you told us this morning of a man whom you had met on +the boat, a man who had come down in the world, whom you had known in +Sydney. A man called Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>relieved</i>). Ah, yes, yes, of course. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) I +did say Telworthy, didn't I? Most curious coincidence, Lady Marden. +Poor man, poor man! Let me see, it must have been ten years ago–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Just a moment, Mr. Pim. You're quite sure that his name was +Telworthy?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). Telworthy–Telworthy–didn't I say Telworthy? +Yes, that was it–Telworthy. Poor fellow!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I'm going to be perfectly frank with you, Mr. Pim. I feel quite +sure that I can trust you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, Mrs. Marden!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. This man Telworthy whom you met is my husband.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Your husband! (<i>He looks in mild surprise at</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.) Your–er——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. My first husband. His death was announced six years ago. I had +left him some years before that, but there seems no doubt from your +story that he's still alive. His record–the country he comes from–above all, the very unusual name–Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Telworthy–yes–certainly a most peculiar name. I remember saying +so. Your first husband? Dear me! Dear me!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You understand, Mr. Pim, that all this is in absolute +confidence.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). Of course, of course.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>pulling his arm, trying to attract his attention</i>). Well, +since he is my husband, we naturally want to know something about him. +Where is he now, for instance?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>surprised and turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Where is he now? But +surely I told you? I told you what happened at Marseilles?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. At Marseilles?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). Yes, yes, poor fellow, it was most unfortunate. +(<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>again pulls his arm, trying to +attract his attention</i>.) You must understand, Lady Marden, that +although I had met the poor fellow before in Australia, I was never in +any way intimate——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>thumping the desk</i>). Where is he <i>now</i>, that's what +we want to know?</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>turns to him with a start</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Please, Mr. Pim!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Where is he now? But–but didn't I tell you of +the curious fatality at Marseilles–poor fellow–the fish-bone?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">All</span>. Fish-bone?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Yes, yes, a herring, I understand.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>becoming hysterical</i>). Do you mean he's dead?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Dead–of course he's dead. He's been dead——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>laughing hysterically</i>). Oh, Mr. Pim, you–oh, what a +husband to have–oh, I——(<i>But that is all she can say for the +moment</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Pull yourself together, Olivia. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.) So he +really is dead this time?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, undoubtedly, undoubtedly. A fish-bone lodged in his throat.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>retreats to settee</i> R. <i>again</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>moving up</i> C. <i>to</i> L. <i>window, trying to realize +it</i>). Dead! Dead!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>rising and turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, <i>alarmed at her +hysteria</i>). Oh, but, Mrs. Marden!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I think you must excuse me, Mr. Pim. (<i>Crossing to</i> C.) +But a herring! There's something about a herring——</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>comes quickly to her, very concerned</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>is also very concerned</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<i>Turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.) Oh, George! (<i>Shaking her head in a weak +state of laughter, turns to</i> R. <i>and is about to hurry out of the +room towards staircase</i> R.)</p> + +<p align="center" class="smallcaps"><b>Quick Curtain.</b></p> + +<h1>Act III</h1> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Scene</span>.–<i>The same and furniture exactly as in</i> Act II.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>is below settee</i> L. <i>standing in same position as at +the end of Act II.</i> <span class="smallcaps">George Marden</span> <i>is in centre of stage and</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>is at foot of staircase. Their altitude is the same as +at the end of Act II, and all are concerned about</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia's</span> +<i>hysteria</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Dead! Dead!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh dear! Oh dear! I'm afraid I broke the news rather hastily. The +double shock of losing one husband and being restored to another–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>coming to</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). A dispensation of Providence, +George. One can regard it in no other light. (<i>Moves to</i> R. <i>of +writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coming to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>). Yes! Yes! Well, I'm much obliged to you, +Mr. Pim, for having come down to us this afternoon, and you understand +that your news, though tardy, has been very welcome. <i>De Mortuis</i>, +and so forth.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>crosses at back of writing-table to</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>sadly repeating</i>). <i>De Mortuis–</i></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>shaking hands–anxious to get rid of him</i>). Well, good-bye, and again our thanks.</p> + +<p>(<i>Crosses below and to</i> L. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>and rings bell below +fireplace</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>crossing to centre</i>). Not at all. I shouldn't have broken +the news so hastily. (<i>Catches sight of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>up</i> L., +<i>and with a profound bow</i>.) Good-bye, Lady Marden.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>equally profound</i>). Good-bye, Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. I'm afraid I broke the news too hastily. (<i>Goes to table</i> +B.C. <i>and takes up</i> <span class="smallcaps">George's</span> <i>cap in mistake for his hat and is +moving towards double-doors when</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>, <i>noting this, picks +up</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim's</span> <i>hat from</i> L. <i>of stage where it has been left from +previous</i> Act, <i>and crosses with it to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Mr. Pim, excuse me, but I think this is yours.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>he takes it and looks at it closely, comparing it with the +cap</i>). This isn't my hat at all. (<i>Puts</i> <span class="smallcaps">George's</span> <i>cap down +on table again</i>.)</p> + +<p>No, that isn't my hat. (<i>Takes his own hat from</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.) This is +my hat. Good-bye! (<i>Shakes hands</i>.) Thank you so much. (<i>Looking +at cap on table</i>.) Oh, no! Oh, no! (<i>Moves nearer to door</i> R.) +Telworthy... I <i>think</i> that was the name.</p> + +<p>(<i>Exit doors</i> R.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>, <i>annoyed at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim's</span> <i>stupidity, comes down to</i> +L. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>turning to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> <i>and with a sigh of +thankfulness</i>). Well, this is wonderful news, Aunt Julia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. Most providential. Well, I must be getting along now, +George. Say good-bye to Olivia for me.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>crossing towards double-doors as if to open them</i>). Good-bye, Aunt Julia.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span>. No! No! I'll go this way–(<i>going up to</i> L. <i>of +writing-table</i>)–and get Olivia out more, George. I don't like these +hysterics. (<i>Banging writing-table</i>.) You want to be firmer with +her.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes! Yes! Good-bye.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Lady Marden</span> (<i>going off up</i> L.). Good-bye.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>back again down centre and with great thankfulness</i>). +Dead! Dead! (<i>Moves down to below settee</i> L.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>enters from staircase, watching him and coming quietly +to</i> C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>approaching her enthusiastically</i>). Olivia! Olivia! +(<i>Is about to embrace her, but she restrains him</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>drawing herself up</i>). Mrs. Telworthy!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>taken aback</i>). What? Olivia! I–I don't understand.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, darling, if my husband only died at Marseilles a few days +ago——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>scratching his head</i>). Yes, I see–I see. Well, we can +soon put that right. (<i>Moving to</i> L.) A registry office in London. +Better go up this afternoon. We can't do these things too quickly–we +can stay at an hotel.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>pointedly</i>). You and Mrs. Telworthy! (<i>Moves slowly +round back of settee</i> L.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>moves to centre</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>nonplussed</i>). Oh–er–yes–yes–perhaps I'd better stay +at my Club–yes! It will be a bit awkward at first. (<i>With a sigh of +relief</i>.) However, nobody need know, and how much better than what +we feared!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>comes down to below settee</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>advancing to embrace her</i>). Olivia! Olivia!</p> + +<p>(<i>She repulses him and he crosses to her</i> L.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Mrs. Telworthy!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes–yes, I know, but why do you keep on saying it? What's the +matter with you? You're so strange to-day. You're not like the Olivia I +know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>sits on settee to</i> R.). Perhaps you don't know me so very +well, after all.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>sitting–affectionately to her</i> L.). Oh, that's nonsense–old girl. You're just my Olivia. Now we can get married again quietly +and nobody will be any the worse.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Married again! Oh, I see, you want me to marry you at a +registry office to-morrow?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. If we can arrange it by then. (<i>Rising and crossing below</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>to centre</i>.) I don't know how long these things take, but +I should imagine there would be no difficulty.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, no, I think that part of it ought to be quite <i>easy</i>. +But–(<i>She hesitates</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. But what?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, if you want to marry me to-morrow, George, oughtn't you +to propose to me first?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>amazed</i>). Propose?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes. It is usual, isn't it, to propose to a person before you +marry her? And–and we want to do the usual thing, don't we?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>upset</i>). But you–I mean we–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You are George Marden, I am Olivia Telworthy, you are attracted +by me and think I would make you a good wife, and you want to marry me–very well, then, naturally you propose to me first.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>falling into the humour of it, as he thinks, and with a +hearty laugh moves to below stool</i> L.C.). The baby! Did she want to +be proposed to all over again?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>coyly</i>). Well, she did rather.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rather fancying himself as an actor, he adopts what he +considers to be an appropriate attitude</i>). She shall then. Er–ah, +Mrs. Telworthy, I have long admired you in silence, and the time has +now come to put my admiration into words (<i>but apparently he finds a +difficulty</i>)–er–er–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>looking up at him quizzically and prompting him into words; +repeating</i>). I–I–(<i>Looking down coyly</i>.) Oh, Mr. Marden!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>roars with laughter and crosses to centre</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>returning to her</i>). Olivia–er–may I call you Olivia?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, George.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>puts out her hand and</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>notices it</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I beg your pardon! Oh, I see. (<i>Taking her hand in his he +gives it a good slap and she winces</i>.) Olivia, I–(<i>Hesitates</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I don't want to interrupt, but oughtn't you to be on your +knees? It is–usual, I believe.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Really, Olivia, you must allow me to manage my own proposal in +my own way.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>meekly–and resuming her coyness</i>). I'm sorry. Do go on.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well–er–confound it, Olivia, I love you. Will you marry me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Thank you, George, I will think it over.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>laughing</i>). Silly girl. (<i>Pats her on the shoulder and +crosses to</i> R.) Well, then, to-morrow morning. No wedding cake, I'm +afraid, Olivia. (<i>He laughs again and moves up centre</i>.) But we'll +go and have a good lunch somewhere.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I will think it over, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>good-humouredly and coming down to back of settee to her</i> +R.). Well, give me a kiss while you're thinking.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I'm afraid you mustn't kiss me until we are actually engaged.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>laughing uneasily, and sitting and leaning over on table</i> +L.C. <i>towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Oh, we needn't take it as seriously as all +that.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But a woman must take a proposal seriously.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>a little alarmed at last</i>). What do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, what I mean is that the whole question–(<i>with a sly +look at</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>)–as I heard somebody say once, demands much more +anxious thought than either of us has given it. These hasty marriages——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising and crossing at back of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>round settee +and to</i> L. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Hasty!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, you've only just proposed to me, and you want me to marry +you to-morrow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Now you're talking perfect nonsense, Olivia. You know quite +well that our case is utterly different from–well–from any other.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. All the same, one must ask oneself questions. With a young girl +like–well, with a young girl–love may well seem to be all that +matters. But with a woman of my age it is different. I have to ask +myself whether you can afford to support a wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You know perfectly well that I can afford to support a wife as +my wife should be supported.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, I am glad. Then your income–you are not really worried +about that at all?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>stiffly</i>). You know perfectly well what my income is. I +see no reason for anxiety, in the future.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Ah, very well, then we needn't think about it any more.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You know I can't make out what you're up to. (<i>Sits to +her</i> L. <i>on settee</i>.) Don't you want to get married–to–er–legalize this extraordinary situation in which we are placed?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I must consider the whole question very carefully. I can't just +jump at the very first offer I have had since my husband died. +(<i>Rising and crossing to centre</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Oh, so I'm under consideration, eh?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>moving up</i> R.C.). Every suitor is.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Oh, very well, go on! Go on!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well then, there's your niece. You have a niece living with +you. Of course Dinah is a delightful girl, but one doesn't like +marrying into a household where there's another grown-up woman. But +perhaps she will be getting married herself soon.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I see no prospect of it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. It would make it so much easier, George, if she did.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>rising</i>). Is this a threat, Olivia? (<i>Crossing up +to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>.) Are you telling me that if I do not allow young Strange +to marry Dinah, you will not marry me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. A threat? Oh, no, George. But I was just wondering if you love +me as much as Brian loves Dinah. You do love me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>from his heart</i>). Of course I do, old girl.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You're sure it's not just my pretty face that attracts you. +Love which is based upon mere outward appearances cannot result in +lasting happiness–as one of our thinkers has observed. (<i>Moving down +to settee</i> R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Why should you doubt my love? You can't pretend that we haven't +been happy together. (<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>sits on settee</i> R.) I've–(<i>taking +a chair from</i> L. <i>of table</i> R.C. <i>brings it down to</i> L. +<i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>) I've been a good pal to you, eh? We–we suit each +other, old girl.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Do we?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>sitting</i>). Well, of course we do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I wonder. When two people of our age think of getting married, +one wants to be quite sure that there is real community of ideas +between them. Supposing that after we have been married some years we +found ourselves getting estranged from each other upon such questions +as Dinah's future, or the comparatively trivial matter like the right +colour for a curtain, or the advice to be given to a friend who had +innocently contracted a bigamous marriage. Think how bitterly we should +regret our hasty plunge into a matrimony which was no true partnership, +whether of tastes or ideas or even of consciences. (<i>With a +sigh</i>.) Ah me!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>turning to her quickly</i>). Unfortunately for your +argument, Olivia, I can answer you out of your own mouth. You seem to +have–(<i>laughing</i>)–forgotten what you said this morning in the +case of–er–young Strange.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>with exaggerated reproach</i>). Oh, but is it quite fair, +George, to drag up <i>what was said this morning</i>?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>enjoying his apparent success</i>). Ha ha! You've brought it +on yourself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I?... Well, and what did I say this morning?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You said that it was quite enough that Strange was a gentleman +and in love with Dinah for me to let them marry each other.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh! But is that enough, George?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>triumphantly</i>). Well, you said so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>meekly</i>). Well, George, if you think so too, I'm quite +willing to risk it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>kindly, rising and putting back chair up</i> R.C.). Ha ha, +my dear! You see!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Then you <i>do</i> think it's enough?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I–er–yes, yes, I–I think so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>rising and going to him and putting her hands on his +shoulders</i>). My darling one! How jolly! Then we can have a double +wedding.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>astonished</i>). A double one!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, you and me, Brian and Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>firmly, and taking her hands from his shoulders</i>). Now +look here, Olivia, understand once and for all, I am not to be +blackmailed into giving my consent to Dinah's engagement. Neither +blackmailed nor tricked. (<i>Crossing to</i> L. <i>below settee</i>.) +Our marriage has nothing whatever to do with Dinah's.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. No, dear, I quite understand. They may take place about the +same time, but they have nothing whatever to do with each other.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>sits on foot of table</i> L.C.). I see no prospect of +Dinah's marriage taking place for many years.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. No, dear, that was what I said.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>not understanding for the moment</i>). You said——? I see. +(<i>Turning and facing her</i>.) Now look here, Olivia, let us have +this perfectly clear. You apparently insist on treating my–er–proposal as serious.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>mock surprise</i>). But isn't it? Have you been trifling +with me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You know perfectly well what I mean. You treat it as an +ordinary proposal for a man to a woman who have never been anything to +each other before. Very well then, will you kindly tell me what you +propose to do if you decide to–ah–accept me? You do not suggest that +we should go on living together–unmarried?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>shocked</i>). Of course not, George!! What would–(<i>pausing for additional explanation</i>)–the County–I mean Heaven–I mean the Law–I mean–of course not. Besides, it's so unnecessary. +If I decide to accept you, of <i>course</i> I shall marry you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Quite so. And if you–ah–decide to refuse me, what will you +do?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Nothing.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Meaning by that?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Just that, George. I shall stay here–just as before.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>rises and approaches her, about to expostulate</i>.)</p> + +<p>I like this house. (<i>Crossing below</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>, <i>looking about the +room to below settee</i> L.) It wants a little redecorating, but I do +like it, George... Yes, I shall be perfectly happy here! (<i>Sits on +settee</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. I see. You will continue to live down here–in spite of what +you said just now about the–the immorality of it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>surprised</i>). But what is there immoral in a widow living +alone in a big country house–with perhaps the niece of a dear friend +of hers–staying with her to keep her company.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>sarcastic</i>). Oh, and pray what shall I be doing when +you've so very kindly taken possession of my house for me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You! Oh, I can't <i>think</i>! Travelling, I expect.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>indignant and advancing to her</i>). Thank you! And suppose +I refuse to be turned out of my own house?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Then, seeing that we can't both be in it, it looks as though +you'd have to turn me out. (<i>To herself</i>.) There must be legal +ways of doing these things. You'd have to consult your solicitor again.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Legal ways?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, you couldn't just throw me out, could you? You'd have to +get an injunction against me–</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span>, <i>very annoyed, turns away</i>.)</p> + +<p>–or prosecute me for trespass–or something. Of course I shouldn't go +if I could help it, I like the house so much.... It would make an +awfully unusual case, wouldn't it? The papers would be full of it.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. The papers!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>calling as paper boy</i>). Extra special! Widow of well-known ex-convict takes possession of J.P.'s house! Special! Special!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>angrily</i>). I've had enough of this. (<i>Coming to +table</i> L.C. <i>and speaking across</i>.) Do you mean all this +nonsense?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, what I <i>do</i> mean <i>is</i>, that I am in no hurry to +go up to London and get married. I love the country just now, and–(<i>with a sigh</i>)–after this morning, I'm–rather tired of +husbands.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>in a rage</i>). I've never heard so much–damned (<i>bangs +table</i>) ... nonsense in my life. <i>I will leave you to come back to +your senses.</i></p> + +<p>(<i>He goes out, up staircase up</i> R.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>rises and crosses to centre, watching</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>off. She +kisses her hands to him, then turning to</i> L. <i>sees curtains and +work-box and extending her arms in ecstasy goes to cabinet, takes them +up and comes down</i> L. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>sits on settee with curtains in her +lap and places the work-box to her</i> L. <i>on settee, and as she does +so</i> <span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>enters from up</i> R. <i>through windows and coming +to</i> R. <i>of writing-table taps it with his umbrella to attract</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia's</span> <i>attention. She turns and sees him. He looks nervously round +at staircase</i> R. <i>fearing the return of</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>in a whisper</i>). Er–may I come in, Mrs. Marden?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>in surprise</i>). Mr. Pim!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>anxiously and again looking round at staircase</i>). Mr. Marden +is–er–not here?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>getting up</i>). No! Do you want to see him? I will——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>another look round at staircase and moving down centre</i>). +No, no, no! Not for the world. There is no immediate danger of his +returning, Mrs. Marden?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>surprised</i>). No, I don't think so, Mr. Pim. (<i>Puts down +curtains</i>). But... what is it? You——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. I took the liberty of returning by the window in the hope of +finding you alone.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>sitting again</i>). Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>still rather nervous and throwing up his arms in distress</i>). +Mr. Marden will be so angry with me, and very rightly. Oh, I blame +myself. I blame myself entirely. I don't know how I can have been so +stupid. (<i>Sits on stool</i> L.C. <i>very concerned</i>).</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. What is it, Mr. Pim? My first husband hasn't come to life +again, has he?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No! No! No! (<i>Looking round to</i> R. <i>and speaking very +mysteriously across table</i> L.C.) The fact is–his name was +Pelwittle.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>at a loss</i>). Whose? My husband's?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Yes, yes. Henry Pelwittle, poor fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But <i>my</i> husband's name was Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No! Oh dear, no! Pelwittle. (<i>Firmly</i>.) It came back to me +suddenly just as I reached the gate–Henry Pelwittle, poor fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But really, Mr. Pim, I ought to know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No! No! Pelwittle.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But who is Pelwittle?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>in surprise at her stupidity</i>). The man I told you about, +who met with the sad fatality at Marseilles. Henry Pelwittle.... +(<i>With hand on chin, thinking deeply</i>.) Or was it <i>Ernest</i>? +No! <i>Henry</i> Pelwittle, poor fellow.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>indignantly</i>). But, Mr. Pim, you said his name was +Telworthy. How could you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. But how could you <i>think</i> of a name like Telworthy if it +wasn't Telworthy?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Ah, ah, that is the really interesting thing +about the whole matter.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>reproachfully</i>). Yes, Mr. Pim, all your visits here to-day have been very interesting.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, very interesting, very interesting, You see, Mrs. Marden, when +I made my first appearance here this morning I was received by–Miss +Diana, who——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Dinah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. I beg your pardon?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Dinah. Her name is Dinah!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>pauses</i>). You're quite right. Dinah–oh yes. Miss Dinah, +yes. She was in–er–rather a communicative mood, and I suppose by way +of passing the time she mentioned that before your marriage–to Mr. +Marden you had been a Mrs.–er——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Telworthy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Telworthy, yes, of course. She also mentioned Australia. Now by +some curious process of the brain–which strikes me as decidedly +curious–when I was trying to recollect–the name of the poor fellow on +the boat, whom you will remember I had also met in Australia, the fact +that this other name was also stored in my memory, a name equally +peculiar–this fact I say——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>seeing that the sentence is rapidly going to pieces</i>). +Yes, I quite understand.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, you mustn't do that, Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Oh, but, Mrs. Marden, can you forgive me for the needless distress +I have caused you to-day?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, you mustn't worry about that, please.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. And you will tell your husband–you'll break the news to him?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>amazed</i>). Oh, yes! I'll break the <i>news</i> to him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>rising and holding out his hand</i>). Well then, I think before +he comes back I will say good-bye and–er——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>rising</i>). Just a moment, Mr. Pim. Let us have it quite +clear this time. You never knew my husband Jacob Telworthy?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You never met him in Australia?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You never saw him on the boat?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. And nothing <i>whatever happened to him at Marseilles?</i></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. No!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Is that right?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>hesitating and thinking it out very deeply</i>). I think so.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Very well, then, since his death was announced in Australia six +years ago, he is presumably still dead?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Undoubtedly.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>holding out her hand with a charming smile</i>). Then good-bye, Mr. Pim, and thank you so much for–for all your trouble.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> Not at all, Mrs. Marden. I blame myself, I blame myself entirely.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> Oh! You mustn't do that.</p> + +<p>(<i>Going up centre</i> <span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>meets</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>, <i>who enters from the window +up L., crosses at back of writing-table and comes down R. of him</i>).</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> is followed by <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, who is on her R.).</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> Hullo, there's Mr. Pim. (<i>To</i> BRIAN.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>nervously looking at the door in case</i> MR. MARDEN <i>should +come in</i>). Yes, yes I—er—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> Oh, Mr. Pim, you mustn't run away without even saying +how-do-you-do! Are you staying to tea?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>looking off at staircase nervously</i>). I'm afraid I—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> Mr. Pim has to hurry away, Dinah. You mustn't keep him.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> Well, but you'll come back again?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> I fear that I am only a passer-by, Miss—er—Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> You can take Mr. Pim as far as the gate.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> (<i>gratefully to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Thank you. (<i>With nervous look +at staircase R., he edges towards the windows.</i>) If you would +be so kind, Miss Dinah—.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>taking his arm</i>). Come along then, Mr. Pim.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> I'll catch you up.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>taking him up L.</i>). I want to hear all about your first wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> Oh, but I haven't got a first wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah.</span> You haven't really told me anything yet.</p> + +<p>(<i>They go off up L.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> I'll catch you up.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>resumes her work, and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>crosses down to foot of +table L.C., and sits on it.</i>)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>awkwardly</i>). I just wanted to say, if you don't think it cheek, +that I'm—I'm on your side, if I may be and if I can help you at all, +I shall be very proud of being allowed to.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>looking up at him and taking his hand</i>). Brian, you dear, +that's sweet of you. But it's quite all right now, you know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia.</span> Yes, that's what Mr. Pim came back to say. He'd made a +mistake about the name—</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>rising</i>). Good Lord!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>smiling</i>). George is the only husband I have.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>surprised</i>). What? You mean that the whole thing that Pim— + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>repeating</i>). The whole thing.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>crossing up to window R. and shouting off to L. and +with conviction</i>). Silly ass!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>kindly</i>). Oh, no, no, I'm sure he didn't mean to be. +(<i>After a pause</i>.) Brian, do you know anything about the law?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>coming down</i> C.). The law? I'm afraid not. I hate the law. +Why? (<i>Sits at foot of table</i> L.C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, I was just wondering. Suppose that George and I had +accidentally married each other a second time thinking that the first +marriage wasn't quite right, and then we found the first marriage was +all right–well——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. What on earth do you mean?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, what I mean is that there's nothing wrong in marrying the +same person twice?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>rising and moving to centre, thinking it out</i>). Oh, no. A +hundred times if you like, I should think.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. After all, in France they always go through it twice, don't +they? Once before the Mayor or somebody, and once in church.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Of course they do! How silly of me. You know, that's a very +good idea. They ought to do that more in England.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Well, once will be enough for Dinah and me, if you can work it. +(<i>Anxiously</i>.) D'you think there's any chance, Olivia?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>smiling</i>). Every chance, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>coming to above table</i> L.C.). I say, do you really? Have +you squared him? I mean has he——</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>is heard humming the tune of "Pop goes the weasel" off</i> +R.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You go and catch them up now. We'll talk about it later on.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Bless you. Right-o!</p> + +<p>(<i>Going up</i> L. <i>and off up</i> L.)</p> + +<p>(<i>As he goes out by the windows,</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>comes in at the +doors</i> R. <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>stands</i> R.C., <i>and then turns to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, <i>who is absorbed in her curtain. He walks up and down the +room, fidgeting with things, waiting for her to speak. As she says +nothing, he begins to talk himself, but in an obviously unconcerned +way. There is a pause after each answer of hers, before he gets out his +next remark</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>casually</i>). Good-looking fellow, Strange. What?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>equally casually</i>). Brian, yes, isn't he? And such a nice +boy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes, yes! (<i>Catching sight of curtain she is sewing. Hums the +tune of "Pop goes the weasel"–crossing down</i> R. <i>to piano, plays +a few notes of "Pop goes the weasel" with one finger</i>.) Got fifty +pounds for a picture the other day, didn't he? (<i>Moving up stage a +little</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Ah, yes! Of course he has only just begun——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. The critics think well of him, (<i>Slight pause</i>.) What?</p> + +<p>(<i>Up C. by chair front of writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. They all say he has genius. Oh, I don't think there's any doubt +about it. (<i>Pause</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>left of writing-table</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. No, no! (<i>Slight pause, and he sings again</i>.) Of course I +don't profess to know anything about painting, myself.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You've never had time to take it up, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coming down</i> L. <i>a little</i>.) No! No! Of course I know what +I like. Can't say I see much in this new-fangled stuff. If a man can +paint, why can't he paint like–like Rubens, or–or Reynolds, or——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I suppose we all have our own styles. Brian will be finding +his, directly. Of course, he's only just beginning. (<i>Pause</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>crossing up centre</i>). Yes, yes. But the critics think a +lot of him, what?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes! H'm! (<i>Pause</i>.) Good-looking fellow.</p> + +<p>(<i>There is rather a longer silence this time.</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>coming +round back of settee L. continues to hope that he is appearing casual +and unconcerned–he stands looking at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia's</span> <i>work for a +moment</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>down</i> L.). Nearly finished 'em?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Very nearly. (<i>Smiling to herself, turns away to R., +pretending to look for scissors</i>.) Have you seen my scissors +anywhere?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>looking round</i>). Scissors?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>turns to</i> L. <i>and finds them in her work-box</i>). It's +all right, here they are——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>down</i> L. <i>below chair facing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Where are you +thinking of hanging 'em?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>as if really wondering</i>). I don't quite know.... I +<i>had</i> thought of this room, but–I'm not quite sure.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>crossing below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>to centre</i>). Ah! Yes! +Brighten the room up a bit.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>walking up centre a little towards windows</i>). H'm, yes——They are a bit faded.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>shaking out hers, and looking at them critically</i>). You +know, sometimes I think I love them, and sometimes I'm not quite sure.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Best way is to hang 'em up and see how you like 'em. Always +take 'em down again.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, that's a good idea, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Best way.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes.... I think we might try that–(<i>looking round at settee +and carpets, etc</i>.)–the only thing is–(<i>She hesitates</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. What?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, the carpets and the chair-covers and the cushions and +things–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, what about 'em?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, if we had new curtains–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. You'd want a new carpet, eh?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>doubtfully</i>). Well, <i>new chair-covers, anyhow.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. H'm!... Well, why not?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, but–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>with an awkward laugh</i>). We're not so hard up as all +that, you know.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>quickly</i>). No, I don't suppose we are really–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. No, no, no, yes–I mean no.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>thoughtfully</i>). I suppose it would mean that I should +have to go up to London to choose them. You know, that's rather a +nuisance.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>extremely casual and moving towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Oh, I don't +know. We might go up together one day.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, of course if we <i>were</i> up–for anything else–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>moving away dubiously</i>). Yes, yes! That's what I meant.</p> + +<p>(<i>There is another silence</i>. <span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>is wondering whether to +come to closer quarters with the great question</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, by the way, George–</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>innocently</i>). I told Brian, and of course he'll tell +Dinah, that Mr. Pim had made a mistake about the name.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>astonished, moving towards</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Mistake about the +name?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes–I told Brian that the whole thing was a mistake, I thought +that was the simplest way.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Olivia–(<i>crossing below and to her</i> L.)–then you mean +that Brian and Dinah think that–that we have been married all the +time?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>coming closer to her</i>). Olivia, does that mean that you +are thinking of marrying me?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. At your old registry office?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>eagerly</i>). Yes!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. To-morrow?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Do you want me to very much?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. My darling, you know I do.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. We should have to keep it very quiet, George.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, of course–(<i>sitting to her</i> L.)–nobody need know. +We don't want anybody to know. And now that you've put Brian and Dinah +off the scent, by telling them that–(<i>he breaks off and says +admiringly</i>)–that was very clever of you, Olivia. I should never +have thought of that.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>innocently</i>). George–you don't think it was +<i>wrong</i>, do you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>his verdict, taking her hands and patting them</i>). An +innocent deception... perfectly harmless.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes, dear, that was what I thought about–about–(<i>laughing +to herself</i>) what I was doing.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Then you will come up to London to-morrow?</p> + +<p>(<i>She nods</i>.)</p> + +<p>And if we should see a carpet or anything else we want——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, George!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>beaming, rising and backing away to</i> L. <i>a little</i>). +And lunch at the Carlton, what?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>nodding eagerly</i>). Oh!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. And–and a bit of a honeymoon in Paris?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, what fun!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>hungrily</i>). Give me a kiss, old girl.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>lovingly</i>). George!</p> + +<p>(<i>She holds up her cheek to him. He kisses it, and then suddenly +takes her in his arms</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Don't ever leave me, old girl.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>affectionately</i>). Don't ever send me away, old boy.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>fervently</i>). I won't. (<i>Awkwardly</i>.) I–I don't +think I <i>should have</i> really, you know. I–I——</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>enters from up</i> L. <i>and crosses at back of writing-table +and round down</i> R. <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>follows her</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>seeing the embrace, surprised</i>). Oo–I say!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>looks and feels rather a fool</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Hallo!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>sits, resumes sewing</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>coming down centre and going below settee</i> L., +<i>impetuously to him</i>). Give me one, too, George. Brian won't mind.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>formally, but enjoying it</i>). Do you mind, Mr. Strange?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>a little uncomfortable</i>). Oh, I say, sir——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. We'll risk it, Dinah. (<i>He kisses her</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>triumphantly to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>and standing above</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). +Did you notice that one? That wasn't just an ordinary affectionate +kiss. That was a special "bless you my children" one. (<i>To</i> +<span class="smallcaps">George</span>.) Wasn't it?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. You do talk nonsense, darling.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>crossing quickly below and to</i> R. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). Well, +I'm so happy now that Pim has relented about your first husband–(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>catches</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia's</span> <i>eye and smiles; she smiles back; but +they are different smiles</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>the actor</i>). Yes, yes, stupid fellow, Pim, what?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Yes. Absolute idiot, I think!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. And now that George has relented about–(<i>with a significant +look at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>)–<i>my</i> first husband——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Here, you get on much too quickly. (<i>Crossing below</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) So you want to marry my Dinah, eh?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>with a smile</i>). Well, I do rather, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). Well, you'd better have a talk with me about +it–er–(<i>with a sly look at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>)–Brian.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Thank you very much, sir.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>goes up and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>, <i>imitating his walk, accompanies +him</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Well, come along then. (<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>looks at his watch</i>.) I am +going up to town after tea, so we'd better——</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>moving up to</i> R. <i>of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>). I say, are you going to +London?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>with a sly look at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). Yes, a little business.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>cheekily</i>). Eh?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Never you mind, young woman. (<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.) Come along, +we'll stroll down and look at the pigs.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Right-o!</p> + +<p>(<i>They are going off to</i> L. <i>when</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>calls</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. George, don't go too far away; I may want you.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. All right! I'll be out on the terrace. Give me a shout if you +want me.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">George</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>go off at windows up</i> L.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>follows up</i> R. <i>and watches them off</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>watching them off</i>). Brian and George always discuss me in +front of the pigs. So tactless of them. I say, are you going to London, +too, darling? (<i>Coming down to table</i> L.C.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. To-morrow——(<i>Rising and shaking out curtains</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. What are you going to do in London?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Oh, shopping and–one or two little things.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. With George?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Yes. (<i>Crossing up centre below</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>with +curtains</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>sits on table</i> L.C.). I say, wasn't it lovely about Pim?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Lovely?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Yes, he told me all about it. Making such a hash of things, I +mean.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>innocently</i>). Did he make a hash of things?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. Well, I mean keeping on coming like that. And if you look at it +all round–well, for all he had to say, he needn't have come at all.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, I don't think I should put it quite like that, Dinah.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>referring to curtains</i>). I say, aren't they jolly?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I'm so glad everybody likes them. Tell George I'm ready, dear.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. I say, is <i>he</i> going to put them up for you?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. Well, I thought perhaps he could reach better.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. All right, I'll tell him. (<i>Crossing up</i> L. <i>on to +terrace and calling off</i>.) George! (<i>Returning to back</i> L. +<i>end of writing-table</i>.) Brian is just telling George about the +five shillings he has in the Post Office–(<i>crossing up</i> L. <i>on +to terrace again and calling off</i>.) George!!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>from off</i> L.). Coming!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>playfully coming down centre, imitating a fairy's +footsteps</i>). Slow music while the curtains go up. (<i>Sits at piano +and plays "As I passed by your Window.")</i></p> + +<p>(<i><span class="smallcaps">George</span> enters from up</i> L., <i>followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>). What is it, darling?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. I wish you'd help me to put up these curtains?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span>. Of course, dear. I'd better get the library steps. (<i>Crosses +to doors R. and exits</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> <i>goes quickly to <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> and gratefully kisses her hand, then +comes down to <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> and bows to her</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Madam! I have the honour to inform you that hence-forward you +are at liberty to regard me as your affianced husband.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> (<i>rising quickly and advancing</i>). Darling!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span> (<i>waving her back</i>). No! No! Stay there! (<i>She retreats +and sits at piano</i>.) Go on playing.</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>goes on playing and he takes out a sketch-book, sits on +settee and sketches her</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span>. What is it?</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>comes down centre, watching them</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Brian</span>. Portrait of Lady Strange.</p> + +<p>(<i><span class="smallcaps">George</span> enters from doors</i> R. <i>with steps and crossing up R. +places them near</i> R. <i>window</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> (<i>she hands him the curtains and goes up L. of writing table +and round back, watching</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>). Are you ready, dear?</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>mounting the steps</i>). Yes, quite ready.</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>. There! (<i>The curtains become entangled and he nearly +falls</i>.) Oh, take care, dear!</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">George</span> (<i>again mounting steps</i>). Oh, that's all right, dear. +They're a little long. (<i>The curtains become entangled round his +head</i>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Mr. Pim</span> <i>enters mysteriously from up</i> L.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span> <i>is looking up at</i> <span class="smallcaps">George</span>.)</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Pim</span> <i>touches her on the shoulder and with a start she turns to +him</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>seeing him enter stops playing. <span class="smallcaps">Olivia</span>, unwilling to +attract</i> <span class="smallcaps">George's</span> <i>attention, signals to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>to continue +playing, and, she does so</i>.)</p> + +<p><span class="smallcaps">Pim</span>. Mrs. Marden! I <i>had</i> to come back–I've just remembered his +name was <i>Ernest</i> Polwittle–not <i>Henry</i>! (<i>Going off +up</i> L.) Not Henry!</p> + +<p>(<span class="smallcaps">Dinah</span> <i>plays forte</i>.)</p> + +<p align="center" class="smallcaps"><b>Quick Curtain.</b></p> + + + + +<h1>Scene Plot</h1> + + + +<p><i>Oak panelled chamber</i>, with deep decorative frieze.</p> + +<p><i>Ceiling cloth</i>, painted with carved oak beams. </p> + +<p><i>Fireplace</i>.–Large open stone fireplace decorated all over with +flutings and +carved stone. </p> + +<p><i>Doors</i>.–Heavy oak doors down R. to open off. </p> + +<p><i>Windows</i>.–C. windows (French windows) opening on stage from +terrace. </p> + +<p><i>Stairs</i>.–Stairs up back R. with carved balustrade. Transparent +windows stained glass at top of stairway. </p> + +<p><i>Back cloth</i>.–Painted garden and terrace with stone seat C.</p> + + + + +<h1>Property Plot</h1> + + +<h2>Act I</h2> + + +<p><i>Stage cloth down</i>.–Parquette stage cloth with marble pavement +piece attached +at back for terrace. </p> + +<p><i>Persian carpet</i> laid up and down R. </p> + +<p><i>Persian carpet</i> laid up and down L. </p> + +<p><i>Settee</i> set across down L. (Jacobean settee upholstered in +tapestry). </p> + +<p><i>On settee</i> L. Two tapestry cushions. </p> + +<p><i>Occasional Jacobean table</i> to R. of settee down L. </p> + +<p><i>Stool</i>.–Upholstered in rose R. of table. </p> + +<p><i>Semi-grand piano</i>, with keyboard down stage, <i>down</i> R. below +double doors. </p> + +<p><i>On piano</i>.–Dinah's musical instrument.<br> + Silk pink brocade piano cover. <br> + Photo of Olivia in frame. <br> + Photo of George Marden in frame. <br> + Photo of Dinah in frame. <br> + Photo of Brian in frame. <br> + E.P. mirror. <br> + Blue china bowl containing flowers. <br> + Quantity of music.</p> + +<p><i>Occasional Jacobean chair</i>.–Below piano.</p> + +<p><i>Settee</i> (small Queen Anne cane-backed) upholstered in tapestry +set up and +down stage against and to L. of piano.</p> + +<p><i>Cushion</i>–dark gold brocade–on settee.</p> + +<p><i>Table</i> (occasional Jacobean) above settee to L., of piano.</p> + +<p><i>On table</i>.–Illustrated papers. <br> + Rose-coloured piece of brocade.</p> + +<p><i>Chair</i> (occasional Jacobean with rose-coloured squab) L. of +occasional table above settee.</p> + +<p><i>Sideboard</i> (Jacobean) up R. against back wall.</p> + +<p><i>On sideboard</i>.–Metal bowl (with flowers) <br> + Match stand. <br> + Matches (safety). <br> + Ash tray. <br> + Tobacco jar filled. <br> + George's pipe filled. <br> + Photo in frame. <br> + Cigarette box (with cigarettes). <br> + Vase lamp with shade.</p> + +<p><i>Arm-chair</i> (Jacobean with rose-coloured squab)–L. of sideboard +facing out of windows.</p> + +<p><i>Curtains.</i>–Pair of rose-coloured corduroy curtains with tie +backs for centre windows. +Single rose-coloured corduroy curtain for archway up R. hung on upstage +side of arch.</p> + +<p><i>Stairs.</i>–Painted canvas staircloth. <br> + Brass stair rods.</p> + +<p><i>Occasional chair</i> (Jacobean with rose-coloured squab).–L. of +windows and against back wall.</p> + +<p><i>Table</i> (occasional Jacobean).–Up L. against back wall. <br> + <i>On table.</i>–Metal bowl containing pink azalea plant in pot.</p> + +<p><i>Writing-table.</i>–In front and below C. windows (leather topped). <br> + <i>On writing-table.</i>–Specimen glass with flowers<br> + Writing materials. <br> + Matches in stand. <br> + Ash tray. <br> + Paper and pen rack. <br> + Small bookcase.</p> + +<p><i>Arm-chair</i> (Jacobean) below writing-table C.</p> + +<p><i>Large cabinet</i> (Jacobean Court cupboard) with three cupboard +doors and on short legs–up L. against L. wall above fireplace. <br> + <i>In cupboard.</i>–Very pronounced <i>yellow and black +curtains</i> with webbing arranged <i>for Olivia</i> to stitch on +rings. <br> + <i>Work-box</i> for Olivia containing needles, thread, quantity of +rings, scissors. <br> + <i>On top of cupboard.</i>–Metal bowl with palm in pot. <br> + Pair of scissors (extra as an emergency for Brian's business). <br> + Large glass with flowers.</p> + +<p><i>Waste-paper basket.</i>–To L. of writing-table.</p> + +<p><i>Fireplace (L</i>.).–Brass dogs and antique fire tongs.</p> + +<p><i>Combined brass switch and bell pushes</i> on wall down L. below +fireplace.</p> + +<p><i>Brass spill-box</i> above bell pushes on wall L. below fireplace.</p> + +<p><i>Table</i> (small Jacobean round cane topped) in angle of fireplace +and wall down L. below fireplace. <br> + <i>On table.</i>–Match stand and matches (safety). <br> + Ash tray.</p> + +<p><i>Arm-chair</i>(Jacobean with rose-coloured squab) down L. and to R. +of circular table L. facing up stage.</p> + +<p><i>Pictures on walls.</i>–Picture in gold frame on wall down R. <br> + Picture in gold frame on wall above double doors R. <br> + Picture in gold frame R. of R. wall at back. <br> + Picture in gold frame L. of R. wall at back. <br> + Picture in gold frame R. of L. back wall. <br> + Picture in gold frame L. of L. back wail.</p> + + + +<h1>Hand Properties</h1> + + +<p><i>Off</i> R.–Card salver and card for <i>Anne</i>.<br> + Letter in envelope unstamped on salver. <br> + Letter in envelope stamped for Mr. Pim. <br> + Letter in envelope not stamped for <i>George Marden</i>.<br> + Gentleman's visiting card (Mr. Carraway Pim) for <i>George +Marden</i>.</p> + + +<h2>Act II</h2> + +<p><i>Same Scene and Properties</i>.<br> +Dinah's small guitar on piano.</p> + +<p>Set on Terrace<br> + 3 light green canvas camp chairs. <br> + 2 green and white striped camp chairs. <br> + Folding camp table with green baize top.</p> + +<p>Curtains refolded and placed in cupboard Left.</p> + +<p><i>Off</i> R. <br> + Large double handled E.P. tray. <br> + 5 coffee cups (coloured for coffee) and saucers<br> + 5 coffee spoons. <br> + Sugar basin with sugar.</p> + +<p>Small hunting crop for <i>Lady Marden</i>.<br> +Thick leather gloves for <i>Lady Marden</i>.<br> +Cigarette case for <i>Brian</i>.</p> + + +<h2>Act III</h2> + +<p><i>Same Set and Furniture as Act II</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Off</i> R.–Pair of short library steps (for <i>George Marden</i>).</p> + + +<h1>Electric Plot</h1> + +<p><i>Chandelier</i> (C.).–Jacobean bronze 6-light chandelier hanging +centre <span class="smallcaps">not</span> lighted.</p> + +<p><i>Brackets</i> on walls. <br> + <i>One on wall down</i> L. <br> + One each side of back wall between windows and staircase R. <br> + One each side of back wall between windows and wall L. <br> + All above pictures, <i>not lighted</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Fire</i> in fireplace, <span class="smallcaps">not lighted</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Lengths</i>.–Length in stairway, amber and white. <br> + Length in entrance by double door down R.</p> + +<p><i>Foots</i>.–Amber and white.</p> + +<p><i>Battens</i>.–Ceiling batten, amber and white. <br> + No. 5 batten, amber and white.</p> + +<p><i>Arcs</i>.–2 perch arcs o.p. ) <br> + 2 perch arcs p.s. ) Light amber and frost. <br> + No. 1 o.p. flood stage down L.C. <br> + No. 2 o.p. on settee down R. <br> + No. 1 p.s. on settee L. <br> + No. 2 p.s. on stool and flood C.</p> + +<p><i>Flood Arcs</i>.–Two flood arcs on back cloth L. and R. <br> + <i>Flood</i> arc on transparency windows above stairs R. <br> + <i>Focus</i> arc through windows C., L. of windows of writing-table<br> + and doors down R. into room. Sunlight effect.</p> + +<p><i>To open</i>.–All lights full up and remain for Acts I, II and III.</p> + +<p>[ILLUSTRATION: Electric Plan "Mr. Pim Passes By"]</p> + +<BR> +<BR> +<BR> +<BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Mr. Pim Passes By, by Alan Alexander Milne + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. PIM PASSES BY *** + +***** This file should be named 7310-h.htm or 7310-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/7/3/1/7310/ + +Produced by Curtis A. Weyant, Stan Goodman, Charles Franks, +and the Distributed Proofreading Team + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will +be renamed. + +Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright +law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, +so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United +States without permission and without paying copyright +royalties. 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