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If you are not located in the United States, you -will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before -using this eBook. - -Title: The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 1, June - 1895) - -Author: Various - -Release Date: June 21, 2022 [eBook #68370] - -Language: English - -Produced by: hekula03 and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at - https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images - made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.) - -*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL -OF PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 1, JUNE 1895) *** - - - - - - - The Philistine - A Periodical of Protest. - - “_Those Philistines who engender animosity, stir up trouble - and then smile._”—JOHN CALVIN. - - [Illustration] - - Vol. I No. 1. - - Printed Every Little While for The Society - of The Philistines and Published - by Them Monthly. Subscription, One - Dollar Yearly - Single Copies, 10 Cents. June, 1895. - - - - -THE PHILISTINE. - - - - -Contents for June. - - - 1. Quatrains, - E. R. White. - - 2. Philistines Ancient and Modern, - William McIntosh. - - 3. The Sanity of Genius, - Rowland B. Mahany. - - 4. English Monuments, - Elbert Hubbard. - - 5. Ballade des Écrivains du Temps Jadis, - G. F. Warren. - - 6. Philistinism in General, - Mark S. Hubbell. - - 7. Side Talks, - The East Aurora School of Philosophy. - -COPYRIGHT 1895 - - - - -THE PHILISTINE. - - NO. 1. June, 1895. VOL. 1. - - - - -QUATRAINS. - - - If one could hear aright the murmurings - Of some shore-stranded sea-shell as it sings, - It might be then that he would come to know - An inkling of the Planner’s purposings. - - The weary shuttle can no more divine - Of how its thread looks, in the whole design, - Than we poor shuttles, in the hand of Fate - Can fathom of the Plan a single line. - - E. R. WHITE. - - - - -PHILISTINES ANCIENT AND MODERN. - - “THE ANCIENT PHILISTINES.—The enemies of the children of - light.”—_International Cyclopedia._ - - “PHILISTINE.—A term of contempt applied by prigs to the rest of - their species.”—LESLIE STEPHEN. - - -A tiny spot on the map is the Philistia of Old Testament days—a way -station on the path of commerce between alphabet-building Phœnicia to -the north, and Canaan and predatory Arabia on the south. But long before -those hardy neighbors plagued Israel and made a hostage of the Ark -of the Covenant there were Philistines in the world, influencing its -destinies. - -Tradition has been unkind to Philistinism as to many other good things. -The Serpent in the Garden is the earliest embodiment of the genius of -protest, unless we follow John Milton farther back to the rebellion in -the Court of Heaven, organized by the Sons of the Morning. Omnipotence -that founded order set in motion change also. The unrest that is the -electro-motor of progress is in nature as in man, and evolution is its -perpetual law. - -Human society was ripe for Philistines when Noah launched his ocean -palace inland. Scarce a century later the egotism of man sought to scale -high heaven from a tower of brick and asphalt. Matter was deified with -the usual result, and a discordant medley of alien labor was all the -product of the giant enterprise. - -Down through the patriarchal ages the conservative men who builded -cities and the sons of progress who balked established order and moved -on kept up the alternation of forces. Jacob wrung from an angel his -divine endowment and won his brother’s primogeniture when Esau, the -conservative, gave all the future for the good things near by. Joseph, -the dreamer, peddled like old clothes to a rag man, showed his thrifty -brothers a bunco trick worth learning when he had come, a stranger of a -despised race, to be all but a Pharaoh in the capital of civilization. -The trumpet blasts that felled Jericho, the vanquishing shouts of -Gideon, the sling of the shepherd stripling that freed a nation, tell of -seemingly inadequate means out of the conservative order that changed -history. Moses, prophet and lawgiver and priest, killed his man and was a -fugitive a generation before he abandoned his princely rank in Egypt to -lead a nation of slaves into the evolution of independence and mastery of -the world’s spiritual thought. - -The ancient monarchies went to wreck when the social order had become -stationary—encrusted with custom and caste. But a few Philistines, -destroyers of arbitrary ranks, recreated the world in the democracy of -Chivalry, and that in turn went down when its vital purpose had been -achieved and its orders had become set and stifled progress. - -It was a Philistine, a despised player and holder of horses, who gave the -modern world its literature. It was a heretic monk who threw ink-stands, -not only at Satan, but at embodied and enthroned religion, who gave the -modern world its impetus to freedom. The imaginative authors who most -strongly sway mankind today are Philistines. Thackeray smilingly lifted -the mask from aristocracy and exposed its sordid servility. Dickens threw -down the idols of pretentious respectability. Hugo taught the democracy -of virtue. Tolstoi dethroned convention in religion. Ibsen divorced -morality from law. - -The note of protest resounds throughout history. Every age seeks in -material gratifications the realization of its destiny. Everywhere genius -becomes conservative and sterile; art grows self-conscious and measures -achievement by technical difficulties; ceremonial binds social life; -law protects artificial privilege; religion is refined into theology or -materialized into idolatry; hospitality becomes an exchange, and the -humanities are buried alive under their own machinery. They who protest, -who exalt purpose and measure achievement thereby, are called Philistines. - -They realize the finiteness of all created things. They see evolution in -all, and hold naught that is finite to be final. - -Philistinism is the world’s perpetual crusade. It reveres tradition, but -it despises commonplace in purple. - - WILLIAM MCINTOSH. - - - - -THE SANITY OF GENIUS. - - - I talked with one who made a life “success” - Along convention’s smooth and hedge-trimmed road, - Type of that class who bear but their own load, - And “shrewdly” shun the fiery storm and stress, - When hearts and souls unselfish forward press - To mitigate oppression’s stinging goad; - Reformers he called geniuses, but showed - That genius is “a kind of foolishness.” - - Well, when I thought how soon he would be cold, - How soon forgotten, and in how few years - His idiot heirs would spend his hoardings vain, - While “the eccentrics” would in ways untold - Make ever less the sum of human tears, - It seemed to me—genius alone is sane! - - ROWLAND B. MAHANY. - -Legation of the United States, Quito, 1893. - - - - -ENGLISH MONUMENTS. - - -England relegates her poets to a “Corner.” The earth and the fullness -thereof belongs to the men who can kill; on this rock have her State and -Church been built. - -As the tourist approaches the city of London for the first time there -are four monuments that probably will attract his attention. They lift -themselves out of the fog and smoke and soot, and seem to struggle toward -the blue. - -One of these monuments is to commemorate a calamity—the conflagration of -1666—and the others are in honor of deeds of war. - -The finest memorial in St. Paul’s is to a certain Irishman, Albert -Wellesley, Duke of Wellington. The mines and quarries of earth have been -called on for the richest contributions; and talent and skill have given -their all to produce this enduring work of beauty that tells posterity of -the mighty acts of this mighty man. The rare richness and lavish beauty -of the Wellington mausoleum is only surpassed by that of a certain tomb -in France. - -As an exploiter the Corsican overdid the thing a bit—so the world -arose and put him down; but safely dead his shade can boast a grave so -sumptuous that Englishmen in Paris refuse to look upon it. - -But England need not be ashamed. Her land is spiked with glittering -monuments to greatness gone. And on these monuments you often get the -epitomized life of the man whose dust lies below. - -On the carved marble to Lord Cornwallis I read that “He defeated the -Americans with great slaughter.” And so, wherever in England I see a -beautiful monument I know that probably the inscription will tell how -“he defeated” somebody. And one grows to the belief that, while woman’s -glory is her hair, man’s glory is to defeat someone. And if he can -“defeat with great slaughter” his monument is twice as high as if he had -only visited on his brother man a plain defeat. In truth I am told by -a friend who has a bias for statistics, that all monuments above fifty -feet high in England, are to men who have defeated other men “with great -slaughter.” The only exceptions to this rule are the Albert Memorial, -which is a tribute of wifely affection rather than a public testimonial, -so therefore need not be considered here, and a monument to a worthy -brewer who died and left three hundred thousand pound to charity. I -mentioned this fact to my friend, but he unhorsed me by declaring that -modesty forbade carving truth on the monument, yet it was a fact that -the brewer, too, had brought defeat to vast numbers and had, like Saul, -slaughtered his thousands. - -When I visited the site of the Globe Theater and found thereon a brewery -whose shares are warranted to make the owner rich beyond the dream of -avarice, I was depressed. In my boyhood I had supposed that if ever I -should reach this spot where Shakespeare’s plays were first produced -I should see a beautiful park and a splendid monument; while some -white-haired old patriarch would greet me and give a little lecture to -the assembled pilgrims on the great man whose footsteps had made sacred -the soil beneath our feet. - -But there is no park, no monument and no white-haired old poet to give -you welcome—only a brewery. - -“Aye, mon, but ain’t ut a big ’un?” protested an Englishman who heard my -murmurs. - -Yes, yes, we must be truthful. It is a big brewery, and there are four -big bulldogs in the court way; and there are big vats; and big workmen -in big aprons. And each of these workmen is allowed to drink six quarts -of beer each day without charge, which proves that the true Christian -spirit is not dead. Then there are big horses that draw the big wagons -and on the corner is a big tap room where the thirsty are served with big -glasses. - -The founder of this brewery became very rich; and if my statistical -friend is right, the owners of these mighty vats have defeated mankind -“with great slaughter.” - -We have seen that although Napoleon, the defeated, has a more gorgeous -tomb than Wellington, who defeated him, yet there is consolation in the -thought that although England has no monument to Shakespeare, he now -has the freedom of Elysium; while the present address of the British -worthies, who have battened and fattened on poor humanity’s thirst for -strong drink since Samuel Johnson was executor of Thrale’s estate, is -unknown. - -We have this on the authority of a Spirit Medium, who says: “The virtues -essential and peculiar to the exalted station of the British worthy -debars the unfortunate possessor from entering Paradise. There is not -a Lord Chancellor, or Lord Mayor, or Lord of the Chamber, or Master of -the Hounds, or Beefeater in Ordinary, or any sort of British bigwig out -of the whole of British Beadledom, upon which the sun never sets, in -Elysium. This is the only dignity beyond their reach.” - -This Mejum is an honorable person, and I am sure he would not make this -assertion if he did not have proof of the facts. So for the present we -will allow him to go on his own recognizance, believing that he will -adduce his documents at the proper time. - -But still should not England have a fitting monument to Shakespeare? He -is her one universal citizen. His name is honored in every school or -college of earth where books are prized. There is no scholar in any clime -who is not his debtor. - -He was born in England, he was never out of England, his ashes rest in -England. - -But England’s Budget has never been ballasted with a single pound to help -preserve inviolate the memory of her one son to whom the world uncovers. - -Victor Hugo has said something on this subject about like this: - -Why a monument to Shakespeare? He is his own monument and England is its -pedestal. Shakespeare has no need of a pyramid; he has his work. - -What can bronze or marble do for him? Malachite and alabaster are of no -avail. Jasper, serpentine, basalt, porphyry, granite; stones from Paros -and marble from Carrara—they are all a waste of pains; genius can do -without them. - -What is as indestructible as these: _The Tempest_, _The Winter’s Tale_, -_Julius Cæsar_, _Coriolanus_? What monument sublimer than _Lear_, sterner -than _The Merchant of Venice_, more dazzling than _Romeo and Juliet_, -more amazing than _Richard III_? - -What moon could shed about the pile a light more mystic than that of _A -Midsummer Night’s Dream_? What capital, were it even in London, could -rumble around it as tumultuously as Macbeth’s perturbed soul? What -framework of cedar or oak will last as long as _Othello_? What bronze can -equal the bronze of _Hamlet_? - -No construction of lime, of rock, of iron and of cement is worth the -deep breath of genius, which is the respiration of God through man. What -edifice can equal thought? Babel is less lofty than Isaiah; Cheops is -smaller than Homer; the Colosseum is inferior to Juvenal; the Giralda at -Seville is dwarfed by the side of Cervantes; St. Peter’s at Rome does not -reach to the ankle of Dante. - -What architect has the skill to build a tower so high as the name of -Shakespeare? Add anything if you can to mind! Then why a monument to -Shakespeare? - -I answer, Not for the glory of Shakespeare, but for the honor of England! - - ELBERT HUBBARD. - - - - -BALLADE DES ÉCRIVAINS DU TEMPS JADIS. - -PUBLISHED IN CHICAGO _circa_ A. D. 1930, AND PRINTED BY THE PHILISTINE -FROM ADVANCE SHEETS. - - - In what Limbo, or Paradis, - Hides the bulge of his brainful brow - Ponderous Howells, W. D.? - Where vade Warner and Aldrich now, - Boyesen, knowful of why and how, - Skandine skald of the soulful sneer— - Light his pen as a sub-soil plow—? - _But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?_ - - Where now drivels the droolful Bok? - Whither doth Harding Davis fare? - And Riley, best of the rhyming flock? - Where is the georgic Garland, where - Harte, tamed cub of the grizzly bear? - Ben Hur Wallace, whose style was queer? - Quipful Clemens, that jester rare? - _But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?_ - - Where hies Hawthorne, last of the name? - Gamesome Stockton, where gambols he, - With lass and tiger, his fee to fame? - And Bunner, airful of Arcadie? - Whither doth Brander Matthews flee? - Slim, sad Gilder, sweet sonneteer, - Darling and pride of his Century? - _But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?_ - - Sought ye, gentles, a year and day - Tidings of these, ye still must hear - The doleful burden of this poor lay, - _But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?_ - - G. F. W. - - - - -PHILISTINISM IN GENERAL. - - -I doff my hat to THE PHILISTINE and hail it “Brother well met.” - -In the name of all who have hated shams, in the name of all brave knights -whose lances have shivered against the dead walls of human stupidity, -ignorance, malice and convention; in the name of every stifled and -unuttered song that should have mounted like a meadow lark’s to heaven; -in the name of every pilloried hope and dead ambition killed in the long -battle with the Mediocrities and the Banalities greet thee, Knight Errant -from Philistia, and bid thee God speed. - -And having,“hailed,” and “bade,” and “greeted,” let me say that though -the world is wide and shams are many, and the race, to the swift usually, -and the fight to the strong almost always, and though the God of battle, -is according to Napoleon, whom it is fashionable to quote “on the side of -the big battalions,” yet strong blows for truth are cumulative and THE -PHILISTINE’S bright blade must be dyed often with the blood of Error ere -it be sheathed and every lie sooner or later driven to its sure end of -bankruptcy. - -I will not hail you Reformer, for that old and honorable name like that -older and still more honorable one of “gentleman” has fallen recently -into disrepute and at last reports was still falling; besides reformers -are often failures, and too often after a brief career are found taking -tea with the Mammon of Unrighteousness, having assumed their discarded -role originally rather for “what there was in it,” than from exalted -or high-minded motives or to improve the condition of their respective -healths. - -A young man called once on the great Voltaire, and besought his -encouragement in projects he had conceived for a reorganized and better -scheme of human society, The philosopher leaned his head upon his hand -and thought a minute, then rising, led the way to an inner room, where, -against the velvet-hung wall, was an ivory figure of the Redeemer on the -cross; he pointed to it with warning forefinger. “Young man,” he said, -“behold the fate of a reformer.” - -When I see the little things many men strive and cavil over and the great -ones they disregard or ignore I know that the kingdom of Liliput was not -a figment of the imagination of the genial Swift but a lesson from real -life. And when I consider how they swarm like water-bugs and quarrel over -the pronunciation of words and bicker with their neighbor to make him or -her use the sharp “a” in “squalor” so as to make it “squaylor,” I think -sensible people might be excused for weeping or even swearing. - -Little people these, say I, and I would wager a dollar to nothing that -William Dean Howells is their prophet and that they all venerate his -works. - -The mere fact that Howells is, is a proof that there are those who want -Howells besides himself, and while not entirely subscribing to the saying -that “whatever is is best,” it must be recognized that it has its _raison -d’être_, and we all know Howells has his readers or he would not have his -publishers. - -One can almost tell what a man’s opinions will be by knowing what he -reads or has read, just as I once heard it said of a tuft-hunting editor -that it could be predicated with absolute certainty what position he -would take on a public question by learning with whom he walked down -town in the morning or with what wealthy parvenu he passed the previous -evening. This is but a modern application of the old saw, “a man is known -by the company he keeps,” and mentally he may be known by the books he -reads or the magazines he skims through. I shudder for Richard Watson -Gilder, John Brisben Walker, E. Bok, and others of the Mutual Admiration -Society style of periodical makers if they are to be believed to keep -the company or read the lucubrations of the contributors to the dreary -masses of illustrated inanities they edit, publications which have claims -to interest, based alone upon the merit of their illustrations and the -perfection of their typographical beauty. - -But to recur to the line of romance and digress from the magazines which -need so much attention, and from “Bartley” and the other counter jumping -namby-pamby, goody-goodies of the Howells stripe, including his own weary -history of himself, and the “Books Which Most Influence Him,” the baleful -effects of which are legitimately and plainly perceptible in his works. -There are shams in literature more dreadful than Mr. Howells, who is a -turgid fact and no sham. For instance; - -I know of one evanescently popular young creature who chronically -contributes to the magazines, whose mother it is said, writes his tales -which, she being a clever woman and he an uncommonly stupid man, appears -credible to say the least; and there is another “man” I am told of whose -sister is said to write his poems and modestly efface herself, and as -the stories are good and the poems fairly readable, it should be the -part of THE PHILISTINE to disclose to the world the real authors and -chastise these and other shams, for shams are the hardest hurdles in the -steeplechase which Truth has to make in this world, since they substitute -the false for the real and crown the fool with the laurels of the genius. - -How much more might be said of the tasks you have to accomplish, brave -PHILISTINE with your brawny arm and your good naked sword! So much that -the very thought of it fatigues one and that, hailing you as the latest -and best contestant in the tourney of Knighthood and yet, considering you -as a publication in an embryonic stage, I am compelled to quote these -lovely lines of Longfellow: - - “Oh, little feet that such long years - Must wander through this vale of tears, - I, nearer to the wayside inn - Where travail ends and rest begins, - Grow weary thinking of your road.” - - MARK S. HUBBELL. - - - - -SIDE TALKS WITH THE PHILISTINES: BEING SUNDRY BITS OF WISDOM WHICH HAVE -BEEN HERETOFORE SECRETED, AND ARE NOW SET FORTH IN PRINT. - - -It is a land of free speech, Philistia, and if one of us chooses to make -remarks concerning the work of the others no sense of modesty keeps us -quiet. It is because we cannot say what we would in the periodicals which -are now issued in a dignified, manner in various places, that we have -made this book. In the afore-mentioned periodicals divers men chatter -with great fluency, startling regularity and “damnable complacency,” each -through his individual bonnet. Edward W. Bok, evidently assisted by Mrs. -Lydia Pinkham and W. L. Douglas, of Brocton, Massachusetts, prints the -innermost secrets of dead women told by their living male relatives for -six dollars a column. Thereby the authors are furnished with the price of -a week’s board, and those of us who may have left some little sense of -decency, wonder what manner of man it may be who sells his wife’s heart -to the readers of Bok. But the “unspeakable Bok” is “successful.” His -magazine flourishes like a green bay tree. Many readers write him upon -subjects of deportment and other matters in which he is accomplished. So, -the gods give us joy! Let him drive on, and may his _Home Journal_ have -five million readers before the year is out—God help them! - -Mr. Gilder dishes up monthly beautifully printed articles which nobody -cares about, but which everybody buys, because _The Century_ looks well -on the library table. - -Mr. Howells maunders weekly in a column called “Life and Letters” in -Harper’s journal of civilization. This “Life and Letters” reminds me -of the Peterkin’s famous picnic at Strawberry Nook. “There weren’t any -strawberries and there wasn’t any nook, but there was a good place to tie -the horses.” - -So it goes through the whole list. There are people, however, who believe -that Romance is not dead, and that there is literature to be made which -is neither inane nor yet smells of the kitchen sink. This is a great big -merry world, says Mr. Dana, and there’s much good to be got out of it, so -toward those who believe as we do—we of Philistia—this paper starts upon -its great and perilous voyage at one dollar a year. - -It was Balzac, or some one else, who used to tell of a flea that lived -on a mangy lion and boasted to all the rank outside fleas that he met: I -have in me the blood of the King of Beasts. - - * * * * * - -It is a comforting thought that somewhere, at some time, every good thing -on earth is brought to an accounting of itself. Thereby are the children -of men saved from much tyranny. For the good things of earth are your -true oppressors. - -For such an accounting are Philistines born in every age. By their audit -are men perpetually set free from trammels self-woven. - -Earnest men have marvelled in all times that convention has imputed to -husks and symbols the potency of the things they outwardly stand for. -Many also have protested, and these, in reproach, have been called -Philistines. And yet they have done no more than show forth that in all -things the vital purpose is more than the form that shrines it. The -inspirations of to-day are the shams of to-morrow—for the purpose has -departed and only the dead form of custom remains. “Is not the body more -than raiment”—and is not life more than the formulæ that hedge it in? - -Wherefore men who do their own thinking, and eke women betimes, take -honor rather than disparagement in the name which is meant to typify -remorseless commonplace. They hesitate not to question custom, whether -there be reason in it. They ask “Why?” when one makes proclamation: - -“Lo! Columbus discovered America four hundred years ago! Let us give -a dance.” There have been teachers who sought to persuade mankind that -use alone is beauty—and these too have done violence to the fitness of -things. On such ideals is the civilization of Cathay founded. Neither -in the grossness of material things nor in the false refinements that -“divorce the feeling from its mate the deed” is the core and essence of -living. - -It is the business of the true Philistine to rescue from the environment -of custom and ostentation the beauty and the goodness cribbed therein. -And so the Philistines of these days, whose prime type is the Knight of -La Mancha, go tilting at windmills and other fortresses—often on sorry -nags and with shaky lances, and yet on heroic errand bent. And to such -merry joust and fielding all lovers of chivalry are bidden: to look -on—perhaps to laugh, it may be to grieve at a woeful belittling of lofty -enterprise. Come, such of you as have patience with such warriors. It is -Sancho Panza who invites you. - - * * * * * - -_The Chip-Munk_ has a bright reference in the issue of May 15 to -Coventry, Patmore, Pater and Meredith. These are four great men, as _The -Chip-Munk_ boldly states. - -_The Chip-Munk_ further announces that the Only Original Lynx-Eyed Proof -Reader has not gone on a journey. Really, I supposed of course he had -been gone these many moons! - - * * * * * - -I wonder if Carman is still upon a diet of Mellin’s Food that he imagines -people do not know that this poem - - LITTLE LYRICS OF JOY—V. - - Lord of the vasty tent of Heaven, - Who hast to thy saints and sages given - A thousand nights with their thousand stars, - And the star of faith for a thousand years. - - Grant me, only a foolish rover, - All thy beautiful wide world over, - A thousand loves in a thousand days, - And one great love for a thousand years. - - —BLISS CARMAN in _The Chap Book_, May, 1895. - -was written years and years ago as follows: - - The night has a thousand eyes, - And the day but one; - Yet the light of the bright world dies - With the dying sun. - - The mind has a thousand eyes, - And the heart but one; - Yet the light of a whole life dies - When love is done. - - —FRANCIS W. BOURDILLON. - -I desire to swipe him after this manner: - - LITTLE DELIRICS OF BLISS. - - MDCCCXCIV. - - Lord of the wires that tangle Heaven, - Who hast to thy brake-persuaders given, - The longest of days to ring and grind, - And no least screen from the winter’s wind. - - Grant me, only, a summer lover, - Sunshiny days the long year over, - A thousand whirls and a thousand fares, - And one long whirl of a thousand hours. - - JOY TROLLEYMAN. - - IV-XI-XLIV. - - White and rose are the colors of strife, - What care I for the crimson and blue? - Greater than football the battle of life - And tragic as aught the gods may view, - The clutch and the gripe of inward ills; - Pallid the People and Pink the Pills. - - JOY CARTMAN. - - * * * * * - -Mark Twain says he is writing “Joan of Arc” anonymously in _Harper’s_ -because he is convinced if he signed it the people would insist the stuff -was funny. Mr. Twain is worried unnecessarily. It has been a long time -since any one insisted the matter he turns out so voluminously was or is -funny. - - * * * * * - -The amusing William Dean Howells writes that he is so bothered by -autograph seekers that he will hereafter refuse to send his signature -“with a sentiment” unless the applicant for his favor produces -satisfactory evidence he has read all of his works, “now some thirty or -forty in number.” When this proof has been sent if Mr. Howells does not -return his autograph on the bottom of a check for a large amount, he -deserves to be arrested for cruelty to his fellows. - - * * * * * - -There is no doubt that a teacher once committed to a certain line of -thought will cling to that line long after all others have deserted it. -In trying to persuade others he convinces himself. This is especially so -if he is opposed. Opposition evolves in his mind a maternal affection for -the product of his brain and he defends it blindly to the death. Thus -we see why institutions are so conservative. Like the coral insect they -secrete osseous matter; and when a preacher preaches he himself always -goes forward to the mourners’ bench and accepts all of the dogmas that -have just been so ably stated. - - * * * * * - -Literature is the noblest of all the arts. Music dies on the air, or -at best exists only as a memory; oratory ceases with the effort; the -painter’s colors fade and the canvas rots; the marble is dragged from its -pedestal and is broken into fragments; but the _Index Expurgatorius_ is -as naught, and the books burned by the fires of the _auto da fe_ still -live. Literature is reproduced ten thousand times ten thousand and lodges -its appeal with posterity. It dedicates itself to Time. - - * * * * * - -The action of various theatrical managers in cutting from their -programmes the name of the author of the plays running at their houses -and the similar action of numerous librarians in withdrawing his books -from their shelves is simply another proof of the marvellous powers -of stultification possessed by the humans of the present time. These -managers, having the scattering wits of birds, do not seem to appreciate -that, whatever the character of the author, the plays he has written -were as bad before they were produced as they are now that he has been -so effectually extinguished; and these librarians cannot comprehend, -evidently, that his books were fully as immoral as they are now when they -were first put on the shelves. Would it not be a refreshing thing to -find a theatrical manager who managed a theater because he had an honest -purpose of elevating, perpetuating, purifying and strengthening the -drama, instead of speculating in it as a Jew speculates in old clothes? -And would it not be a marvel to discover librarian who knew something -about books? - - * * * * * - -Buffalo, New York, is getting to be very classic in some things. It -tolerated the nude with great equanimity in the recent Art Exhibition -and exhibits the female embodiment of everything ideal, from the German -muse of song to the still more German muse of barley products, at the -great variety of fests, more or less related to beer, that follow in -swift succession in that town. But the classic climax was reached on -Good Friday of this year, when the Venus of Milo, mounted on a Bock beer -pedestal, was the center piece of an Easter symbol picture in a Hebrew -clothing advertisement. The limit of Buffalo congruity seems to have been -reached. - - * * * * * - -_The Chip-Munk_ for May has a bit of folk-lore about a man who advised -another to join a conspiracy of silence. This item appeared in 1893 and -during 1894 was published by actual count in one hundred and forty-nine -newspapers. The editors of _The Chip-Munk_ are a bit slow in reading -their exchanges. - - * * * * * - -The Two Orphans at the Kate Claxton Building, Chicago Stockyards, have -a motto on their letter heads that reads, “We are the people and wisdom -will die with us.” - - * * * * * - -The editor of _The Baseburner_, who claims to be a veritist, states that -it is not true that the Garland stoves were named after Ham Garland of -Chicago Stockyards; but the fact is Garland named himself after the -stoves. - - * * * * * - -_Current Literature_ recently had a long article on Louise Imogene -Guinly. Doubtless the spelling of the name was a typographical error, -as the editor probably refers to Miss Louisa Imogene Quinney, who is -postmistress at Auburn, New York, and daughter of Richard Quinney, -manufacturer of the famous Quinney Mineral Water. - - * * * * * - -Judge Robert Grant has in preparation a series of articles called “How to -Live on a Million a Minute and Have Money to Burn.” - - * * * * * - -I hear the voice of the editors of _The Chip-Munk_ complaining that -_Little Journeys_, _The Bibelot_, _Chips_ and other publications are -base, would-be imitators of their own chaste periodical. Why, you sweet -things, did you know that many hundred years ago a great printer made a -book which was printed in black inside with a cover in red and black. I -believe this is the thing which you claim is original with yourselves. -So far as the rest of the periodicals are concerned I have no means of -knowing whether they are imitations or not, but _Little Journeys_ was in -type and printed long before _The Chip-Munk_ came out of its hole. - - * * * * * - -Messrs. Copeland & Day of Boston recently published for Mr. Stephen -Crane a book which he called “The Black Riders.” I don’t know why; the -riders might have as easily been green or yellow or baby-blue for all the -book tells about them, and I think the title, “The Pink Rooters,” would -have been better, but it doesn’t matter. My friend, The Onlooker, of -_Town Topics_, quotes one of the verses and says this, which I heartily -endorse: - - I saw a man pursuing the horizon; - Round and round they sped. - I was disturbed at this; - I accosted the man. - “It is futile,” I said, - “You can never”—— - “You lie,” he cried. - And ran on. - -This was Mr. Howells proving that Ibsen is valuable and interesting. It -is to be hoped that Mr. Crane will write another poem about him after his -legs have been worn off. - - * * * * * - -I was moved to read Mr. Hermann Sudermann’s diverting novel, “The Wish,” -upon observing an extended notice in the “Sub Rosa” column of the Buffalo -_Courier_. The writer therein alleged that the novel taught a great moral -lesson, and desiring to be taught a great moral lesson I bought the book. -It treats of the wish of a girl for her sister’s death in order that she -might marry the husband. I suppose the great moral truth is that one -should not wish for such things, but I supposed that had been taught in -one of the Commandments, which tells of coveting thy neighbor’s wife, -and my Sunday School teacher used to tell me that it referred equally -to husbands. I was evidently mistaken, and Hermann Sudermann is hereby -hailed as a teacher of morals. I should think, from the style of the “Sub -Rosa” article, that the writer is a woman. If she is, I’ll bet her feet -are cold if she enjoys such things as this: - - When Old Hellinger entered the gable room he saw a sight which - froze the blood in his veins. His son’s body lay stretched on - the ground. As he fell he must have clutched the supports of - the bier on which the dead girl had been placed, and dragged - down the whole erection with him; for on the top of him, - between the broken planks, lay the corpse, in its long, white - shroud, its motionless face upon his face, its bared arms - thrown over his head. At this moment he regained consciousness, - and started up. The dead girl’s head sank down from his and - bumped on the floor. - -This cheerful book is translated from the German by Lily Henkel and -published by the Appletons. I commend it to Mr. Bliss Carman and his -shroud washers. - - * * * * * - -Mr. Thomas B. Mosher, of Portland, Maine, deserves the thanks of the -reading public for the issuing of _The Bibelot_. Each month this -dainty periodical comes like a dash of salt water on a hot day, and -is as refreshing. After reading the longings and the heartburnings of -the various degenerates who inflict their stuff on us these days, Mr. -Mosher’s “Sappho” comes and makes us really believe that there is a man -up on the coast of Maine who has the salt of the sea and the breath of -the pines in him, and is willing to think that there are other people who -care for purity and sweetness, rather than such literature as “Vistas” -and the plays of Maeterlinck. - - * * * * * - -When in five consecutive stories, printed in the same periodical, the -hero or heroine has ended the narrative by shooting himself or herself, -is it not about time to hire somebody to invent some other denouement? - - * * * * * - -Many a man’s reputation would not know his character if they met on the -street. - - * * * * * - -To be stupid when inclined and dull when you wish is a boon that only -goes with high friendship. - - * * * * * - -Every man has moments when he doubts his ability. So does every woman -at times doubt her wit and beauty and long to see them mirrored in a -masculine eye. This is why flattery is acceptable. A woman will doubt -everything you say except it be compliments to herself—here she believes -you truthful and mentally admires you for your discernment. - - * * * * * - -STIGMATA. - - “Behold the miracle!” he cried— - The sombre priest who stood beside - A figure on whose snowy breast - The outlines of a cross expressed - In ruddy life-drops ebbed and flowed; - “Behold th’ imprimatur of God!” - - A kneeling woman raised her eyes; - Lo! At the sight, in swift surprise, - Ere awe-struck lips a prayer could speak - Love’s stigma glowed on brow and cheek; - And one in reverence bent his head— - “Behold the miracle?” he said. - - WILLIAM MCINTOSH. - - * * * * * - -THE MAGAZINES. - -_Kate Field’s Wash_ is dry. - -_The Arena_ has sand. - -“Sub-Tragic” is the latest description of Vic. Woodhull’s _Humanitarian_. - -_McClure’s_ is getting a little weary with its living pictures. - -_Scribner’s_ has a thrilling article on “Books We Have Published.” - -_Godey’s_ is very gay in its second childhood. - -Judge Tourgee’s _Basis_ isn’t business. “It’s pretty, but it isn’t war.” - -_The Century_, it is said, will insert a page or two of reading matter -between the Italian art and the ads. - -_The Basis_ is out with prizes for poets and sermon writers. It was -as certain as the law of nature makes the filling of every vacuum at -some time, that somewhere and at some time these people would get their -reward. It seems to be coming now. But where and when will be the reward -of the people who read what they write? The thought of their fate is all -shuddery. - -Ginger used to be in evidence in magazines and pumpkin pies. Squash is a -prominent ingredient now. - -If _Peterson’s_ wouldn’t mix ads. and reading matter in their books and -on title pages the cause of current literature would be advanced. - -Between Grant’s essays on the art of living and the mild satire of “The -Point of View,” it really looks as if the Tattler had come again—a little -disembodied for Dick Steele, but in character. - - * * * * * - -THE BOK BILLS OF NARCISSUS. - - “Narcissus is the glory of his race, - For who does nothing with a better grace.” - - YOUNG—_Love of Fame._ - - _Narcissus: or, The Self-Lover._ - - JAMES SHIRLEY, 1646. - - * * * * * - - PHILADELPHIA, June 1, 1895. - - W. D. HOWELLS: - - TO EDWARD W. BOK, DR. - - 42 sq. inches in Boiler Plate. “Literary Letter,” on What I - Know of Howells’s Modesty $4 20 - - Mentioning Howells’s name, 730,000 times in same (up to date) 7 30 - - Cussing _Trilby_ (your suggestion) 20 - ------ - $11 70 - -Less 2 per cent. for cash. - -Please remit. - - * * * * * - -Die Heintzemannsche Buchdruckerei - -In Boston, Mass., empfiehlt sich zur geschmackvollen und preiswerten -Herstellung von feinen Druckarbeiten aller Art, als: Schul- und -Lehrbucher in allen Sprachen, Schul-Examinationspapiere, Diplome, -Zirkulare, Preisverzeichnisse, Geschafts-Kataloge u. s. w. Herstellung -von ganzen Werken mit oder ohne Illustrationen, von der einfachsten bis -zur reichsten Ausfuhrung. - -Carl H. Heintzemann, 234 Congress Street, Boston, Mass. - - * * * * * - -WANTED—Books on the History and Mythology of =Sweden=, =Denmark=, -=Norway=, =Lapland=, =Finland=, =Greenland=, =Iceland=, =etc.=, in -any language. Also maps, pamphlets, manuscripts, magazines and any -work on Northern Subjects, works of General Literature, etc. Address, -giving titles, dates, condition, etc., with price, - -JOHN A. STERNE, 5247 Fifth Avenue, Chicago, Ill. - -All kinds of Old Books and Magazines bought. - -*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF -PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 1, JUNE 1895) *** - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the -United States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part -of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -concept and trademark. 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-} - -.x-ebookmaker img.dropcap { - display: none; -} - -.x-ebookmaker p.dropcap:first-letter { - color: inherit; - visibility: visible; - margin-left: 0; -} - -.x-ebookmaker p.dcap:first-letter { - float: none; - margin: 0; - font-size: 100%; -} - - /* ]]> */ </style> - </head> -<body> -<p style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 1, June 1895), by Various</p> -<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'> -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and -most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms -of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online -at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you -are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the -country where you are located before using this eBook. -</div> - -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Philistine: a periodical of protest (Vol. I, No. 1, June 1895)</p> -<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Various</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: June 21, 2022 [eBook #68370]</p> -<p style='display:block; text-indent:0; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</p> - <p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em; text-align:left'>Produced by: hekula03 and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.)</p> -<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF PROTEST (VOL. I, NO. 1, JUNE 1895) ***</div> - -<div class="max30"> - -<p class="center larger"><span class="larger">The Philistine</span><br /> -A Periodical of Protest.</p> - -<div class="subhead"> - -<p>“<i>Those Philistines who engender animosity, stir up trouble -and then smile.</i>”—<span class="smcap">John Calvin.</span></p> - -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/cover-deco1.jpg" width="45" height="30" alt="" /> -<img src="images/cover-deco1.jpg" width="45" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="figleft"> -<img src="images/cover-issue1.jpg" width="160" height="200" alt="Vol. I No. 1." /> -</div> - -<p class="noindent">Printed Every Little While for The Society -of The Philistines and Published -by Them Monthly. Subscription, One -Dollar Yearly</p> - -<p class="noindent">Single Copies, 10 Cents. -<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" /> -<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" /> -<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco2.jpg" alt="" /></p> - -<p class="noindent">June, 1895. -<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco3.jpg" alt="" /> -<img class="inline" src="images/cover-deco3.jpg" alt="" /></p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h1>THE PHILISTINE.</h1> - -<h2 class="nobreak">Contents for June.</h2> - -</div> - -<table> - <tr> - <td class="tdl"><a href="#QUATRAINS">1. Quatrains</a>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdr">E. R. White.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdl"><a href="#PHILISTINES_ANCIENT_AND_MODERN">2. Philistines Ancient and Modern</a>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdr">William McIntosh.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdl"><a href="#THE_SANITY_OF_GENIUS">3. The Sanity of Genius</a>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdr">Rowland B. Mahany.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdl"><a href="#ENGLISH_MONUMENTS">4. English Monuments</a>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdr">Elbert Hubbard.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdl"><a href="#BALLADE_DES_ECRIVAINS_DU_TEMPS_JADIS">5. Ballade des Écrivains du Temps Jadis</a>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdr">G. F. Warren.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdl"><a href="#PHILISTINISM_IN_GENERAL">6. Philistinism in General</a>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdr">Mark S. Hubbell.</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdl"><a href="#SIDE_TALKS_WITH_THE_PHILISTINES">7. Side Talks</a>,</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td class="tdr">The East Aurora School of Philosophy.</td> - </tr> -</table> - -<p class="titlepage">COPYRIGHT 1895</p> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_1"></a>[1]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak">THE PHILISTINE.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="subhead"> - -<p class="center"><span class="allsmcap">NO. 1.</span> <span class="spacer">June, 1895.</span> <span class="allsmcap">VOL. 1.</span></p> - -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="QUATRAINS">QUATRAINS.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">If one could hear aright the murmurings</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of some shore-stranded sea-shell as it sings,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">It might be then that he would come to know</div> - <div class="verse indent0">An inkling of the Planner’s purposings.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The weary shuttle can no more divine</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Of how its thread looks, in the whole design,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Than we poor shuttles, in the hand of Fate</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Can fathom of the Plan a single line.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">E. R. White.</span></div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="PHILISTINES_ANCIENT_AND_MODERN">PHILISTINES ANCIENT AND MODERN.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="blockquote"> - -<p>“<span class="smcap">The Ancient Philistines.</span>—The enemies of -the children of light.”—<i>International Cyclopedia.</i></p> - -<p>“<span class="smcap">Philistine.</span>—A term of contempt applied by -prigs to the rest of their species.”—<span class="smcap">Leslie Stephen.</span></p> - -</div> - -<div> -<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-a.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="dropcap">A tiny spot on the map is the Philistia of Old -Testament days—a way station on the path of -commerce between alphabet-building Phœnicia to -the north, and Canaan and predatory Arabia on the -south. But long before those hardy neighbors<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_2"></a>[2]</span> -plagued Israel and made a hostage of the Ark of the -Covenant there were Philistines in the world, influencing -its destinies.</p> - -<p>Tradition has been unkind to Philistinism as to -many other good things. The Serpent in the Garden -is the earliest embodiment of the genius of protest, -unless we follow John Milton farther back to the -rebellion in the Court of Heaven, organized by the -Sons of the Morning. Omnipotence that founded -order set in motion change also. The unrest that is -the electro-motor of progress is in nature as in man, -and evolution is its perpetual law.</p> - -<p>Human society was ripe for Philistines when Noah -launched his ocean palace inland. Scarce a century -later the egotism of man sought to scale high heaven -from a tower of brick and asphalt. Matter was -deified with the usual result, and a discordant medley -of alien labor was all the product of the giant -enterprise.</p> - -<p>Down through the patriarchal ages the conservative -men who builded cities and the sons of progress -who balked established order and moved on kept up -the alternation of forces. Jacob wrung from an -angel his divine endowment and won his brother’s -primogeniture when Esau, the conservative, gave all -the future for the good things near by. Joseph, the -dreamer, peddled like old clothes to a rag man,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_3"></a>[3]</span> -showed his thrifty brothers a bunco trick worth learning -when he had come, a stranger of a despised -race, to be all but a Pharaoh in the capital of civilization. -The trumpet blasts that felled Jericho, the -vanquishing shouts of Gideon, the sling of the shepherd -stripling that freed a nation, tell of seemingly -inadequate means out of the conservative order that -changed history. Moses, prophet and lawgiver and -priest, killed his man and was a fugitive a generation -before he abandoned his princely rank in Egypt to -lead a nation of slaves into the evolution of independence -and mastery of the world’s spiritual -thought.</p> - -<p>The ancient monarchies went to wreck when the -social order had become stationary—encrusted with -custom and caste. But a few Philistines, destroyers -of arbitrary ranks, recreated the world in the democracy -of Chivalry, and that in turn went down when -its vital purpose had been achieved and its orders had -become set and stifled progress.</p> - -<p>It was a Philistine, a despised player and holder -of horses, who gave the modern world its literature. -It was a heretic monk who threw ink-stands, not -only at Satan, but at embodied and enthroned religion, -who gave the modern world its impetus to -freedom. The imaginative authors who most strongly -sway mankind today are Philistines. Thackeray<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_4"></a>[4]</span> -smilingly lifted the mask from aristocracy and exposed -its sordid servility. Dickens threw down the -idols of pretentious respectability. Hugo taught the -democracy of virtue. Tolstoi dethroned convention -in religion. Ibsen divorced morality from law.</p> - -<p>The note of protest resounds throughout history. -Every age seeks in material gratifications the realization -of its destiny. Everywhere genius becomes -conservative and sterile; art grows self-conscious -and measures achievement by technical difficulties; -ceremonial binds social life; law protects artificial -privilege; religion is refined into theology or materialized -into idolatry; hospitality becomes an exchange, -and the humanities are buried alive under -their own machinery. They who protest, who exalt -purpose and measure achievement thereby, are called -Philistines.</p> - -<p>They realize the finiteness of all created things. -They see evolution in all, and hold naught that is -finite to be final.</p> - -<p>Philistinism is the world’s perpetual crusade. It -reveres tradition, but it despises commonplace in -purple.</p> - -<p class="right"><span class="smcap">William McIntosh.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco2.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_5"></a>[5]</span></p> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="THE_SANITY_OF_GENIUS">THE SANITY OF GENIUS.</h2> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">I talked with one who made a life “success”</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Along convention’s smooth and hedge-trimmed road,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Type of that class who bear but their own load,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And “shrewdly” shun the fiery storm and stress,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">When hearts and souls unselfish forward press</div> - <div class="verse indent2">To mitigate oppression’s stinging goad;</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Reformers he called geniuses, but showed</div> - <div class="verse indent0">That genius is “a kind of foolishness.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Well, when I thought how soon he would be cold,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">How soon forgotten, and in how few years</div> - <div class="verse indent4">His idiot heirs would spend his hoardings vain,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">While “the eccentrics” would in ways untold</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Make ever less the sum of human tears,</div> - <div class="verse indent4">It seemed to me—genius alone is sane!</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">Rowland B. Mahany.</span></div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="center">Legation of the United States, Quito, 1893.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="ENGLISH_MONUMENTS">ENGLISH MONUMENTS.</h2> - -</div> - -<div> -<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-e.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="dropcap">England relegates her poets to a “Corner.” -The earth and the fullness thereof belongs to -the men who can kill; on this rock have her State -and Church been built.</p> - -<p>As the tourist approaches the city of London for -the first time there are four monuments that probably -will attract his attention. They lift themselves out -of the fog and smoke and soot, and seem to struggle -toward the blue.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_6"></a>[6]</span></p> - -<p>One of these monuments is to commemorate a -calamity—the conflagration of 1666—and the others -are in honor of deeds of war.</p> - -<p>The finest memorial in St. Paul’s is to a certain -Irishman, Albert Wellesley, Duke of Wellington. -The mines and quarries of earth have been called -on for the richest contributions; and talent and skill -have given their all to produce this enduring work of -beauty that tells posterity of the mighty acts of this -mighty man. The rare richness and lavish beauty of -the Wellington mausoleum is only surpassed by that -of a certain tomb in France.</p> - -<p>As an exploiter the Corsican overdid the thing a -bit—so the world arose and put him down; but -safely dead his shade can boast a grave so sumptuous -that Englishmen in Paris refuse to look upon it.</p> - -<p>But England need not be ashamed. Her land is -spiked with glittering monuments to greatness gone. -And on these monuments you often get the epitomized -life of the man whose dust lies below.</p> - -<p>On the carved marble to Lord Cornwallis I read -that “He defeated the Americans with great -slaughter.” And so, wherever in England I see a -beautiful monument I know that probably the inscription -will tell how “he defeated” somebody. And -one grows to the belief that, while woman’s glory is -her hair, man’s glory is to defeat someone. And if<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_7"></a>[7]</span> -he can “defeat with great slaughter” his monument -is twice as high as if he had only visited on his brother -man a plain defeat. In truth I am told by a friend -who has a bias for statistics, that all monuments -above fifty feet high in England, are to men who -have defeated other men “with great slaughter.” -The only exceptions to this rule are the Albert Memorial, -which is a tribute of wifely affection rather than -a public testimonial, so therefore need not be considered -here, and a monument to a worthy brewer who -died and left three hundred thousand pound to charity. -I mentioned this fact to my friend, but he unhorsed me -by declaring that modesty forbade carving truth on -the monument, yet it was a fact that the brewer, too, -had brought defeat to vast numbers and had, like -Saul, slaughtered his thousands.</p> - -<p>When I visited the site of the Globe Theater and -found thereon a brewery whose shares are warranted -to make the owner rich beyond the dream of avarice, -I was depressed. In my boyhood I had supposed -that if ever I should reach this spot where Shakespeare’s -plays were first produced I should see a -beautiful park and a splendid monument; while -some white-haired old patriarch would greet me and -give a little lecture to the assembled pilgrims on the -great man whose footsteps had made sacred the soil -beneath our feet.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_8"></a>[8]</span></p> - -<p>But there is no park, no monument and no white-haired -old poet to give you welcome—only a brewery.</p> - -<p>“Aye, mon, but ain’t ut a big ’un?” protested -an Englishman who heard my murmurs.</p> - -<p>Yes, yes, we must be truthful. It is a big brewery, -and there are four big bulldogs in the court way; and -there are big vats; and big workmen in big aprons. -And each of these workmen is allowed to drink six -quarts of beer each day without charge, which proves -that the true Christian spirit is not dead. Then there -are big horses that draw the big wagons and on the -corner is a big tap room where the thirsty are served -with big glasses.</p> - -<p>The founder of this brewery became very rich; -and if my statistical friend is right, the owners of -these mighty vats have defeated mankind “with -great slaughter.”</p> - -<p>We have seen that although Napoleon, the -defeated, has a more gorgeous tomb than Wellington, -who defeated him, yet there is consolation in the -thought that although England has no monument to -Shakespeare, he now has the freedom of Elysium; -while the present address of the British worthies, -who have battened and fattened on poor humanity’s -thirst for strong drink since Samuel Johnson was -executor of Thrale’s estate, is unknown.</p> - -<p>We have this on the authority of a Spirit Medium,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_9"></a>[9]</span> -who says: “The virtues essential and peculiar to -the exalted station of the British worthy debars -the unfortunate possessor from entering Paradise. -There is not a Lord Chancellor, or Lord Mayor, or -Lord of the Chamber, or Master of the Hounds, or -Beefeater in Ordinary, or any sort of British bigwig -out of the whole of British Beadledom, upon which -the sun never sets, in Elysium. This is the only -dignity beyond their reach.”</p> - -<p>This Mejum is an honorable person, and I am sure -he would not make this assertion if he did not have -proof of the facts. So for the present we will allow -him to go on his own recognizance, believing that he -will adduce his documents at the proper time.</p> - -<p>But still should not England have a fitting monument -to Shakespeare? He is her one universal -citizen. His name is honored in every school or -college of earth where books are prized. There is -no scholar in any clime who is not his debtor.</p> - -<p>He was born in England, he was never out of -England, his ashes rest in England.</p> - -<p>But England’s Budget has never been ballasted -with a single pound to help preserve inviolate the -memory of her one son to whom the world uncovers.</p> - -<p>Victor Hugo has said something on this subject -about like this:</p> - -<p>Why a monument to Shakespeare? He is his own<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_10"></a>[10]</span> -monument and England is its pedestal. Shakespeare -has no need of a pyramid; he has his work.</p> - -<p>What can bronze or marble do for him? Malachite -and alabaster are of no avail. Jasper, serpentine, -basalt, porphyry, granite; stones from Paros and -marble from Carrara—they are all a waste of pains; -genius can do without them.</p> - -<p>What is as indestructible as these: <i>The Tempest</i>, -<i>The Winter’s Tale</i>, <i>Julius Cæsar</i>, <i>Coriolanus</i>? -What monument sublimer than <i>Lear</i>, sterner than -<i>The Merchant of Venice</i>, more dazzling than <i>Romeo -and Juliet</i>, more amazing than <i>Richard III</i>?</p> - -<p>What moon could shed about the pile a light more -mystic than that of <i>A Midsummer Night’s Dream</i>? -What capital, were it even in London, could rumble -around it as tumultuously as Macbeth’s perturbed -soul? What framework of cedar or oak will last as -long as <i>Othello</i>? What bronze can equal the bronze -of <i>Hamlet</i>?</p> - -<p>No construction of lime, of rock, of iron and of -cement is worth the deep breath of genius, which is -the respiration of God through man. What edifice -can equal thought? Babel is less lofty than Isaiah; -Cheops is smaller than Homer; the Colosseum is -inferior to Juvenal; the Giralda at Seville is dwarfed -by the side of Cervantes; St. Peter’s at Rome does -not reach to the ankle of Dante.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_11"></a>[11]</span></p> - -<p>What architect has the skill to build a tower so -high as the name of Shakespeare? Add anything if -you can to mind! Then why a monument to -Shakespeare?</p> - -<p>I answer, Not for the glory of Shakespeare, but -for the honor of England!</p> - -<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Elbert Hubbard.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="BALLADE_DES_ECRIVAINS_DU_TEMPS_JADIS">BALLADE DES ÉCRIVAINS DU TEMPS JADIS.</h2> - -<p class="hanging allsmcap">PUBLISHED IN CHICAGO <i>circa</i> A. D. 1930, AND -PRINTED BY THE PHILISTINE FROM ADVANCE -SHEETS.</p> - -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">In what Limbo, or Paradis,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Hides the bulge of his brainful brow</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ponderous Howells, W. D.?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Where vade Warner and Aldrich now,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Boyesen, knowful of why and how,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Skandine skald of the soulful sneer—</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Light his pen as a sub-soil plow—?</div> - <div class="verse indent0"><i>But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?</i></div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Where now drivels the droolful Bok?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Whither doth Harding Davis fare?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And Riley, best of the rhyming flock?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Where is the georgic Garland, where</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Harte, tamed cub of the grizzly bear?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ben Hur Wallace, whose style was queer?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Quipful Clemens, that jester rare?</div> - <div class="verse indent0"><i>But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?</i></div><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_12"></a>[12]</span> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Where hies Hawthorne, last of the name?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Gamesome Stockton, where gambols he,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">With lass and tiger, his fee to fame?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And Bunner, airful of Arcadie?</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Whither doth Brander Matthews flee?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Slim, sad Gilder, sweet sonneteer,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Darling and pride of his Century?</div> - <div class="verse indent0"><i>But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?</i></div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Sought ye, gentles, a year and day</div> - <div class="verse indent2">Tidings of these, ye still must hear</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The doleful burden of this poor lay,</div> - <div class="verse indent2"><i>But where is the froth of yestreen’s beer?</i></div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right">G. F. W.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak" id="PHILISTINISM_IN_GENERAL">PHILISTINISM IN GENERAL.</h2> - -</div> - -<div> -<img class="dropcap" src="images/dropcap-i.jpg" width="50" height="60" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p class="dropcap">I doff my hat to <span class="smcap">The Philistine</span> and hail it -“Brother well met.”</p> - -<p>In the name of all who have hated shams, in the -name of all brave knights whose lances have shivered -against the dead walls of human stupidity, ignorance, -malice and convention; in the name of every stifled -and unuttered song that should have mounted like -a meadow lark’s to heaven; in the name of every -pilloried hope and dead ambition killed in the long -battle with the Mediocrities and the Banalities -greet thee, Knight Errant from Philistia, and bid -thee God speed.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_13"></a>[13]</span></p> - -<p>And having,“hailed,” and “bade,” and “greeted,” -let me say that though the world is wide and shams -are many, and the race, to the swift usually, and the -fight to the strong almost always, and though the -God of battle, is according to Napoleon, whom it is -fashionable to quote “on the side of the big battalions,” -yet strong blows for truth are cumulative and -<span class="smcap">The Philistine’s</span> bright blade must be dyed often -with the blood of Error ere it be sheathed and every -lie sooner or later driven to its sure end of bankruptcy.</p> - -<p>I will not hail you Reformer, for that old and honorable -name like that older and still more honorable -one of “gentleman” has fallen recently into disrepute -and at last reports was still falling; besides -reformers are often failures, and too often after a -brief career are found taking tea with the Mammon -of Unrighteousness, having assumed their discarded -role originally rather for “what there was in it,” -than from exalted or high-minded motives or to improve -the condition of their respective healths.</p> - -<p>A young man called once on the great Voltaire, -and besought his encouragement in projects he had -conceived for a reorganized and better scheme -of human society, The philosopher leaned his -head upon his hand and thought a minute, -then rising, led the way to an inner room, where,<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_14"></a>[14]</span> -against the velvet-hung wall, was an ivory figure -of the Redeemer on the cross; he pointed to it with -warning forefinger. “Young man,” he said, “behold -the fate of a reformer.”</p> - -<p>When I see the little things many men strive and -cavil over and the great ones they disregard or ignore -I know that the kingdom of Liliput was not a figment -of the imagination of the genial Swift but a -lesson from real life. And when I consider how -they swarm like water-bugs and quarrel over the -pronunciation of words and bicker with their -neighbor to make him or her use the sharp “a” in -“squalor” so as to make it “squaylor,” I think sensible -people might be excused for weeping or even -swearing.</p> - -<p>Little people these, say I, and I would wager a -dollar to nothing that William Dean Howells is their -prophet and that they all venerate his works.</p> - -<p>The mere fact that Howells is, is a proof that there -are those who want Howells besides himself, and -while not entirely subscribing to the saying that -“whatever is is best,” it must be recognized that it -has its <i>raison d’être</i>, and we all know Howells has -his readers or he would not have his publishers.</p> - -<p>One can almost tell what a man’s opinions will be -by knowing what he reads or has read, just as I -once heard it said of a tuft-hunting editor that it<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_15"></a>[15]</span> -could be predicated with absolute certainty what -position he would take on a public question by learning -with whom he walked down town in the morning -or with what wealthy parvenu he passed the previous -evening. This is but a modern application of -the old saw, “a man is known by the company he -keeps,” and mentally he may be known by the books -he reads or the magazines he skims through. I -shudder for Richard Watson Gilder, John Brisben -Walker, E. Bok, and others of the Mutual Admiration -Society style of periodical makers if they are to -be believed to keep the company or read the lucubrations -of the contributors to the dreary masses of -illustrated inanities they edit, publications which have -claims to interest, based alone upon the merit of their -illustrations and the perfection of their typographical -beauty.</p> - -<p>But to recur to the line of romance and digress -from the magazines which need so much attention, -and from “Bartley” and the other counter jumping -namby-pamby, goody-goodies of the Howells stripe, -including his own weary history of himself, and the -“Books Which Most Influence Him,” the baleful -effects of which are legitimately and plainly perceptible -in his works. There are shams in literature -more dreadful than Mr. Howells, who is a turgid -fact and no sham. For instance;</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_16"></a>[16]</span></p> - -<p>I know of one evanescently popular young creature -who chronically contributes to the magazines, -whose mother it is said, writes his tales which, she -being a clever woman and he an uncommonly stupid -man, appears credible to say the least; and there is -another “man” I am told of whose sister is said to -write his poems and modestly efface herself, and as -the stories are good and the poems fairly readable, it -should be the part of <span class="smcap">The Philistine</span> to disclose to -the world the real authors and chastise these and -other shams, for shams are the hardest hurdles in the -steeplechase which Truth has to make in this world, -since they substitute the false for the real and crown -the fool with the laurels of the genius.</p> - -<p>How much more might be said of the tasks you -have to accomplish, brave <span class="smcap">Philistine</span> with your -brawny arm and your good naked sword! So much -that the very thought of it fatigues one and that, hailing -you as the latest and best contestant in the tourney -of Knighthood and yet, considering you as a publication -in an embryonic stage, I am compelled to -quote these lovely lines of Longfellow:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Oh, little feet that such long years</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Must wander through this vale of tears,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I, nearer to the wayside inn</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Where travail ends and rest begins,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Grow weary thinking of your road.”</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="right"><span class="smcap">Mark S. Hubbell.</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_17"></a>[17]</span></p> - -<div class="figleft"> -<img src="images/deco3.jpg" width="170" height="100" alt="" /> -</div> - -<div class="chapter"> - -<h2 class="nobreak hanging allsmcap" id="SIDE_TALKS_WITH_THE_PHILISTINES">SIDE TALKS WITH THE PHILISTINES: -BEING SUNDRY BITS OF -WISDOM WHICH HAVE BEEN -HERETOFORE SECRETED, AND ARE NOW -SET FORTH IN PRINT. <img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /></h2> - -</div> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> It is a land of free speech, Philistia, and if one of -us chooses to make remarks concerning the work of -the others no sense of modesty keeps us quiet. It is -because we cannot say what we would in the periodicals -which are now issued in a dignified, manner in -various places, that we have made this book. In the -afore-mentioned periodicals divers men chatter with -great fluency, startling regularity and “damnable -complacency,” each through his individual bonnet. -Edward W. Bok, evidently assisted by Mrs. Lydia -Pinkham and W. L. Douglas, of Brocton, Massachusetts, -prints the innermost secrets of dead women -told by their living male relatives for six dollars a -column. Thereby the authors are furnished with -the price of a week’s board, and those of us who -may have left some little sense of decency, wonder -what manner of man it may be who sells his wife’s -heart to the readers of Bok. But the “unspeakable -Bok” is “successful.” His magazine flourishes like -a green bay tree. Many readers write him upon -subjects of deportment and other matters in which -he is accomplished. So, the gods give us joy! Let<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_18"></a>[18]</span> -him drive on, and may his <i>Home Journal</i> have five -million readers before the year is out—God help -them!</p> - -<p>Mr. Gilder dishes up monthly beautifully printed -articles which nobody cares about, but which everybody -buys, because <i>The Century</i> looks well on the -library table.</p> - -<p>Mr. Howells maunders weekly in a column called -“Life and Letters” in Harper’s journal of civilization. -This “Life and Letters” reminds me of the -Peterkin’s famous picnic at Strawberry Nook. -“There weren’t any strawberries and there wasn’t -any nook, but there was a good place to tie the -horses.”</p> - -<p>So it goes through the whole list. There are -people, however, who believe that Romance is not -dead, and that there is literature to be made which -is neither inane nor yet smells of the kitchen sink. -This is a great big merry world, says Mr. Dana, and -there’s much good to be got out of it, so toward -those who believe as we do—we of Philistia—this -paper starts upon its great and perilous voyage at one -dollar a year.</p> - -<p>It was Balzac, or some one else, who used to tell of -a flea that lived on a mangy lion and boasted to all -the rank outside fleas that he met: I have in me the -blood of the King of Beasts.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_19"></a>[19]</span></p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> It is a comforting thought that somewhere, at some -time, every good thing on earth is brought to an -accounting of itself. Thereby are the children of -men saved from much tyranny. For the good things -of earth are your true oppressors.</p> - -<p>For such an accounting are Philistines born in -every age. By their audit are men perpetually set -free from trammels self-woven.</p> - -<p>Earnest men have marvelled in all times that -convention has imputed to husks and symbols the -potency of the things they outwardly stand for. -Many also have protested, and these, in reproach, -have been called Philistines. And yet they have -done no more than show forth that in all things the -vital purpose is more than the form that shrines it. -The inspirations of to-day are the shams of to-morrow—for -the purpose has departed and only the -dead form of custom remains. “Is not the body -more than raiment”—and is not life more than the -formulæ that hedge it in?</p> - -<p>Wherefore men who do their own thinking, and -eke women betimes, take honor rather than disparagement -in the name which is meant to typify remorseless -commonplace. They hesitate not to question -custom, whether there be reason in it. They -ask “Why?” when one makes proclamation:</p> - -<p>“Lo! Columbus discovered America four hundred<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_20"></a>[20]</span> -years ago! Let us give a dance.” There have -been teachers who sought to persuade mankind that -use alone is beauty—and these too have done violence -to the fitness of things. On such ideals is the -civilization of Cathay founded. Neither in the grossness -of material things nor in the false refinements -that “divorce the feeling from its mate the deed” -is the core and essence of living.</p> - -<p>It is the business of the true Philistine to rescue -from the environment of custom and ostentation the -beauty and the goodness cribbed therein. And so -the Philistines of these days, whose prime type is the -Knight of La Mancha, go tilting at windmills and -other fortresses—often on sorry nags and with shaky -lances, and yet on heroic errand bent. And to such -merry joust and fielding all lovers of chivalry are -bidden: to look on—perhaps to laugh, it may be to -grieve at a woeful belittling of lofty enterprise. -Come, such of you as have patience with such warriors. -It is Sancho Panza who invites you.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> <i>The Chip-Munk</i> has a bright reference in the issue -of May 15 to Coventry, Patmore, Pater and Meredith. -These are four great men, as <i>The Chip-Munk</i> -boldly states.</p> - -<p><i>The Chip-Munk</i> further announces that the Only -Original Lynx-Eyed Proof Reader has not gone on a<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_21"></a>[21]</span> -journey. Really, I supposed of course he had been -gone these many moons!</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> I wonder if Carman is still upon a diet of Mellin’s -Food that he imagines people do not know that this -poem</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="center">LITTLE LYRICS OF JOY—V.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Lord of the vasty tent of Heaven,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who hast to thy saints and sages given</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A thousand nights with their thousand stars,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And the star of faith for a thousand years.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Grant me, only a foolish rover,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">All thy beautiful wide world over,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A thousand loves in a thousand days,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And one great love for a thousand years.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right">—<span class="smcap">Bliss Carman</span> in <i>The Chap Book</i>, May, 1895.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p class="noindent">was written years and years ago as follows:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The night has a thousand eyes,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And the day but one;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yet the light of the bright world dies</div> - <div class="verse indent2">With the dying sun.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">The mind has a thousand eyes,</div> - <div class="verse indent2">And the heart but one;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Yet the light of a whole life dies</div> - <div class="verse indent2">When love is done.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right">—<span class="smcap">Francis W. Bourdillon.</span></div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_22"></a>[22]</span></p> - -<p>I desire to swipe him after this manner:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="center">LITTLE DELIRICS OF BLISS.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="center allsmcap">MDCCCXCIV.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Lord of the wires that tangle Heaven,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Who hast to thy brake-persuaders given,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The longest of days to ring and grind,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And no least screen from the winter’s wind.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">Grant me, only, a summer lover,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Sunshiny days the long year over,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A thousand whirls and a thousand fares,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And one long whirl of a thousand hours.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">Joy Trolleyman.</span></div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="center allsmcap">IV-XI-XLIV.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">White and rose are the colors of strife,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">What care I for the crimson and blue?</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Greater than football the battle of life</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And tragic as aught the gods may view,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The clutch and the gripe of inward ills;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Pallid the People and Pink the Pills.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">Joy Cartman.</span></div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Mark Twain says he is writing “Joan of Arc” -anonymously in <i>Harper’s</i> because he is convinced if -he signed it the people would insist the stuff was -funny. Mr. Twain is worried unnecessarily. It has -been a long time since any one insisted the matter he -turns out so voluminously was or is funny.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_23"></a>[23]</span></p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The amusing William Dean Howells writes that he -is so bothered by autograph seekers that he will hereafter -refuse to send his signature “with a sentiment” -unless the applicant for his favor produces satisfactory -evidence he has read all of his works, “now some -thirty or forty in number.” When this proof has -been sent if Mr. Howells does not return his autograph -on the bottom of a check for a large amount, -he deserves to be arrested for cruelty to his fellows.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> There is no doubt that a teacher once committed -to a certain line of thought will cling to that line -long after all others have deserted it. In trying to -persuade others he convinces himself. This is especially -so if he is opposed. Opposition evolves in his -mind a maternal affection for the product of his -brain and he defends it blindly to the death. Thus -we see why institutions are so conservative. Like -the coral insect they secrete osseous matter; and -when a preacher preaches he himself always goes -forward to the mourners’ bench and accepts all of -the dogmas that have just been so ably stated.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Literature is the noblest of all the arts. Music -dies on the air, or at best exists only as a memory; -oratory ceases with the effort; the painter’s colors -fade and the canvas rots; the marble is dragged -from its pedestal and is broken into fragments; but<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_24"></a>[24]</span> -the <i>Index Expurgatorius</i> is as naught, and the books -burned by the fires of the <i>auto da fe</i> still live. Literature -is reproduced ten thousand times ten thousand -and lodges its appeal with posterity. It dedicates -itself to Time.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The action of various theatrical managers in cutting -from their programmes the name of the author -of the plays running at their houses and the similar -action of numerous librarians in withdrawing his -books from their shelves is simply another proof of -the marvellous powers of stultification possessed by -the humans of the present time. These managers, -having the scattering wits of birds, do not seem to -appreciate that, whatever the character of the author, -the plays he has written were as bad before they -were produced as they are now that he has been so -effectually extinguished; and these librarians cannot -comprehend, evidently, that his books were fully as -immoral as they are now when they were first put on -the shelves. Would it not be a refreshing thing to -find a theatrical manager who managed a theater because -he had an honest purpose of elevating, perpetuating, -purifying and strengthening the drama, -instead of speculating in it as a Jew speculates in old -clothes? And would it not be a marvel to discover -librarian who knew something about books?</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Buffalo, New York, is getting to be very classic in<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_25"></a>[25]</span> -some things. It tolerated the nude with great -equanimity in the recent Art Exhibition and exhibits -the female embodiment of everything ideal, from the -German muse of song to the still more German muse -of barley products, at the great variety of fests, more -or less related to beer, that follow in swift succession -in that town. But the classic climax was reached on -Good Friday of this year, when the Venus of Milo, -mounted on a Bock beer pedestal, was the center -piece of an Easter symbol picture in a Hebrew clothing -advertisement. The limit of Buffalo congruity -seems to have been reached.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> <i>The Chip-Munk</i> for May has a bit of folk-lore -about a man who advised another to join a conspiracy -of silence. This item appeared in 1893 and during -1894 was published by actual count in one hundred -and forty-nine newspapers. The editors of -<i>The Chip-Munk</i> are a bit slow in reading their exchanges.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The Two Orphans at the Kate Claxton Building, -Chicago Stockyards, have a motto on their letter -heads that reads, “We are the people and wisdom -will die with us.”</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> The editor of <i>The Baseburner</i>, who claims to be a -veritist, states that it is not true that the Garland -stoves were named after Ham Garland of Chicago<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_26"></a>[26]</span> -Stockyards; but the fact is Garland named himself -after the stoves.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> <i>Current Literature</i> recently had a long article on -Louise Imogene Guinly. Doubtless the spelling of -the name was a typographical error, as the editor -probably refers to Miss Louisa Imogene Quinney, -who is postmistress at Auburn, New York, and -daughter of Richard Quinney, manufacturer of the -famous Quinney Mineral Water.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Judge Robert Grant has in preparation a series of -articles called “How to Live on a Million a Minute -and Have Money to Burn.”</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> I hear the voice of the editors of <i>The Chip-Munk</i> -complaining that <i>Little Journeys</i>, <i>The Bibelot</i>, <i>Chips</i> -and other publications are base, would-be imitators -of their own chaste periodical. Why, you sweet -things, did you know that many hundred years ago a -great printer made a book which was printed in black -inside with a cover in red and black. I believe this -is the thing which you claim is original with yourselves. -So far as the rest of the periodicals are -concerned I have no means of knowing whether they -are imitations or not, but <i>Little Journeys</i> was in type -and printed long before <i>The Chip-Munk</i> came out -of its hole.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Messrs. Copeland & Day of Boston recently published<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_27"></a>[27]</span> -for Mr. Stephen Crane a book which he called -“The Black Riders.” I don’t know why; the -riders might have as easily been green or yellow or -baby-blue for all the book tells about them, and I -think the title, “The Pink Rooters,” would have -been better, but it doesn’t matter. My friend, The -Onlooker, of <i>Town Topics</i>, quotes one of the verses -and says this, which I heartily endorse:</p> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">I saw a man pursuing the horizon;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Round and round they sped.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I was disturbed at this;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">I accosted the man.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“It is futile,” I said,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“You can never”——</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“You lie,” he cried.</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And ran on.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<p>This was Mr. Howells proving that Ibsen is valuable -and interesting. It is to be hoped that Mr. -Crane will write another poem about him after his -legs have been worn off.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> I was moved to read Mr. Hermann Sudermann’s -diverting novel, “The Wish,” upon observing an extended -notice in the “Sub Rosa” column of the -Buffalo <i>Courier</i>. The writer therein alleged that -the novel taught a great moral lesson, and desiring -to be taught a great moral lesson I bought the book. -It treats of the wish of a girl for her sister’s death in -order that she might marry the husband. I suppose<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_28"></a>[28]</span> -the great moral truth is that one should not wish for -such things, but I supposed that had been taught in -one of the Commandments, which tells of coveting -thy neighbor’s wife, and my Sunday School teacher -used to tell me that it referred equally to husbands. -I was evidently mistaken, and Hermann Sudermann -is hereby hailed as a teacher of morals. I should -think, from the style of the “Sub Rosa” article, -that the writer is a woman. If she is, I’ll bet her -feet are cold if she enjoys such things as this:</p> - -<div class="blockquote"> - -<p>When Old Hellinger entered the gable room he -saw a sight which froze the blood in his veins. His -son’s body lay stretched on the ground. As he fell -he must have clutched the supports of the bier on -which the dead girl had been placed, and dragged -down the whole erection with him; for on the top of -him, between the broken planks, lay the corpse, in -its long, white shroud, its motionless face upon his -face, its bared arms thrown over his head. At this -moment he regained consciousness, and started up. -The dead girl’s head sank down from his and bumped -on the floor.</p> -</div> - -<p>This cheerful book is translated from the German -by Lily Henkel and published by the Appletons. I -commend it to Mr. Bliss Carman and his shroud -washers.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Mr. Thomas B. Mosher, of Portland, Maine, -deserves the thanks of the reading public for the -issuing of <i>The Bibelot</i>. Each month this dainty<span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_29"></a>[29]</span> -periodical comes like a dash of salt water on a hot -day, and is as refreshing. After reading the longings -and the heartburnings of the various degenerates who -inflict their stuff on us these days, Mr. Mosher’s -“Sappho” comes and makes us really believe that -there is a man up on the coast of Maine who has the -salt of the sea and the breath of the pines in him, and -is willing to think that there are other people who -care for purity and sweetness, rather than such literature -as “Vistas” and the plays of Maeterlinck.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> When in five consecutive stories, printed in the -same periodical, the hero or heroine has ended the -narrative by shooting himself or herself, is it not -about time to hire somebody to invent some other -denouement?</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Many a man’s reputation would not know his -character if they met on the street.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> To be stupid when inclined and dull when you -wish is a boon that only goes with high friendship.</p> - -<p><img class="inline" src="images/deco1.jpg" alt="" /> Every man has moments when he doubts his ability. -So does every woman at times doubt her wit -and beauty and long to see them mirrored in a masculine -eye. This is why flattery is acceptable. A -woman will doubt everything you say except it be -compliments to herself—here she believes you truthful -and mentally admires you for your discernment.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_30"></a>[30]</span></p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<h3>STIGMATA.</h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Behold the miracle!” he cried—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The sombre priest who stood beside</div> - <div class="verse indent0">A figure on whose snowy breast</div> - <div class="verse indent0">The outlines of a cross expressed</div> - <div class="verse indent0">In ruddy life-drops ebbed and flowed;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Behold th’ imprimatur of God!”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">A kneeling woman raised her eyes;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Lo! At the sight, in swift surprise,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Ere awe-struck lips a prayer could speak</div> - <div class="verse indent0">Love’s stigma glowed on brow and cheek;</div> - <div class="verse indent0">And one in reverence bent his head—</div> - <div class="verse indent0">“Behold the miracle?” he said.</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">William McIntosh.</span></div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco1.jpg" width="30" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<h3>THE MAGAZINES.</h3> - -<p><i>Kate Field’s Wash</i> is dry.</p> - -<p><i>The Arena</i> has sand.</p> - -<p>“Sub-Tragic” is the latest description of Vic. -Woodhull’s <i>Humanitarian</i>.</p> - -<p><i>McClure’s</i> is getting a little weary with its living -pictures.</p> - -<p><i>Scribner’s</i> has a thrilling article on “Books We -Have Published.”</p> - -<p><i>Godey’s</i> is very gay in its second childhood.</p> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_31"></a>[31]</span></p> - -<p>Judge Tourgee’s <i>Basis</i> isn’t business. “It’s pretty, -but it isn’t war.”</p> - -<p><i>The Century</i>, it is said, will insert a page or two of -reading matter between the Italian art and the ads.</p> - -<p><i>The Basis</i> is out with prizes for poets and sermon -writers. It was as certain as the law of nature makes -the filling of every vacuum at some time, that somewhere -and at some time these people would get their -reward. It seems to be coming now. But where -and when will be the reward of the people who read -what they write? The thought of their fate is all -shuddery.</p> - -<p>Ginger used to be in evidence in magazines and -pumpkin pies. Squash is a prominent ingredient -now.</p> - -<p>If <i>Peterson’s</i> wouldn’t mix ads. and reading matter -in their books and on title pages the cause of current -literature would be advanced.</p> - -<p>Between Grant’s essays on the art of living and -the mild satire of “The Point of View,” it really -looks as if the Tattler had come again—a little disembodied -for Dick Steele, but in character.</p> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco4.jpg" width="45" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="Page_32"></a>[32]</span></p> - -<h3>THE BOK BILLS OF NARCISSUS.</h3> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0">“Narcissus is the glory of his race,</div> - <div class="verse indent0">For who does nothing with a better grace.”</div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">Young</span>—<i>Love of Fame.</i></div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<div class="poetry-container"> -<div class="poetry"> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse indent0"><i>Narcissus: or, The Self-Lover.</i></div> - </div> - <div class="stanza"> - <div class="verse right"><span class="smcap">James Shirley</span>, 1646.</div> - </div> -</div> -</div> - -<table> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><p class="right"><span class="smcap">Philadelphia</span>, June 1, 1895.</p></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><p class="noindent"><span class="smcap">W. D. Howells</span>:</p></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><p class="center"><span class="smcap">To</span> <span class="spacer">EDWARD - W. BOK,</span> <span class="smcap">Dr.</span></p></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>42 sq. inches in Boiler Plate. “Literary Letter,” on What I Know of Howells’s Modesty</td> - <td class="tdr">$4 20</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Mentioning Howells’s name, 730,000 times in same (up to date)</td> - <td class="tdr">7 30</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td>Cussing <i>Trilby</i> (your suggestion)</td> - <td class="tdr">20</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td></td> - <td class="tdr total">$11 70</td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><p class="noindent">Less 2 per cent. for cash.</p></td> - </tr> - <tr> - <td colspan="2"><p class="noindent">Please remit.</p></td> - </tr> -</table> - -<div class="figcenter"> -<img src="images/deco5.jpg" width="50" height="30" alt="" /> -</div> - -<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" /> - -<div class="max30"> - -<p class="noindent larger">Die Heintzemannsche<br /> -Buchdruckerei <img class="inline" src="images/deco6.jpg" alt="" /> <img class="inline" src="images/deco6.jpg" alt="" /></p> - -<p class="noindent">In Boston, Mass., empfiehlt sich zur geschmackvollen und preiswerten -Herstellung von feinen Druckarbeiten aller Art, als: Schul- und -Lehrbucher in allen Sprachen, Schul-Examinationspapiere, Diplome, -Zirkulare, Preisverzeichnisse, Geschafts-Kataloge u. s. w. Herstellung -von ganzen Werken mit oder ohne Illustrationen, von der einfachsten bis -zur reichsten Ausfuhrung.</p> - -<p class="center"><span class="larger">Carl H. Heintzemann,</span><br /> -234 Congress Street, <span class="spacer"> </span> Boston, Mass.</p> - -<hr /> - -<p class="dcap">WANTED—Books on the History and Mythology of <b>Sweden</b>, <b>Denmark</b>, -<b>Norway</b>, <b>Lapland</b>, <b>Finland</b>, <b>Greenland</b>, <b>Iceland</b>, <b>etc.</b>, in -any language. Also maps, pamphlets, manuscripts, magazines and any -work on Northern Subjects, works of General Literature, etc. Address, -giving titles, dates, condition, etc., with price,</p> - -<p class="center">JOHN A. STERNE,<br /> -5247 Fifth Avenue, <span class="spacer"> </span> Chicago, Ill.</p> - -<p class="center">All kinds of Old Books and Magazines bought.</p> - -</div> - -<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PHILISTINE: A PERIODICAL OF PROTEST (VOL. 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