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+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #66895 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/66895)
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-The Project Gutenberg eBook of Our Show, by Daisy Shortcut
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
-www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
-will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
-using this eBook.
-
-Title: Our Show
-       A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of
-       the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception
-       to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of
-       Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies,
-       Poem, Oration ...
-
-Author: Daisy Shortcut
-        Arry O'Pagus
-
-Release Date: December 7, 2021 [eBook #66895]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: UTF-8
-
-Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Harry Lamé and the Online Distributed
-             Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was
-             produced from images generously made available by The Internet
-             Archive/American Libraries.)
-
-*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR SHOW ***
-
-
-  Transcriber’s Notes
-
-  Text printed in italics in the source document has been transcribed
-  _between underscores_, bold face text =between equal signs=, and
-  blackletter text ~between tildes~. Small capitals have been changed to
-  ALL CAPITALS; superscript texts are represented by ^{text}.
-
-  More Transcriber’s Notes may be found at the end of this text.
-
-
-
-
-[Illustration:
-
-  For Sale by all Booksellers and Newsdealers.
-
-  “1776”                “1876”
-  ONE HUNDRED YEARS A REPUBLIC
-
-  OUR SHOW
-
-  DAISY SHORTCUT.
-  ARRY O’PAGUS.
-
-  CLAXTON, REMSEN & HAFFELFINGER,
-  _624, 626, 628 Market Street, Philadelphia_.
-  THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, New York.]
-
-
-
-
-OPINIONS OF THE PRESS
-
-
-From several thousand “opinions,” carefully prepared for the use of the
-press, we select the following. We shall be happy to give the remainder
-in similar instalments in the future editions of “Our Show.”
-
-  [Special dispatch to the New York Herald.]
-
-  “Have just discovered the book on my editorial table--the fun I am
-  still looking for; ’tis harder to find than Livingtone was. The
-  African jungles were tame compared to the general wildness of these
-  pages.--_Stanley._”
-
-  [From the San Francisco Tribune.]
-
-  “No library is complete without it--in the waste basket.”
-
-  [From the London Times.]
-
-  “We admit that the volume puzzles us. We should be inclined to doubt
-  some of the assertions contained within it, even to consider them
-  preposterous, had we not long ago given up any attempt to account for
-  events or circumstances occurring in America.”
-
-  [From Galignani’s Messenger, Paris.]
-
-  “We have not read this production in the original, but the French
-  translation assures us that it is a work of grave import. Beneath the
-  simple words there is a depth of meaning and a quiet, dignified tone
-  of determination, which the friends of Liberty would do well to heed.
-  It is a book to be pondered over. The illustrations are by Mons.
-  Jacques Frost, an artist of warm imagination.”
-
-  [From the Berlin Freie Presse.]
-
-  “It is the only book of the kind we have ever seen--thank Heaven!”
-
-  [From the Vienna Court Journal.]
-
-  “The Emperor has not been seen in public for several days. We learn
-  from reliable sources that he has been closeted in his study,
-  translating, altering, and localizing an American volume called ‘Our
-  Show,’ to make it appear the official record of our late International
-  Exposition.”
-
-  [From the Pekin Argus.]
-
-  “The Authors are evidently insane.”
-
-  [From the St. Petersburg Daily News.]
-
-  “This, with Sherman’s ‘Memoirs,’ Motley’s ‘Dutch Republic,’ and Mrs.
-  Lee Hentz’s ‘Wooed, not Won,’ presents a living argument against those
-  who are in the habit of sneering at American literature. If this work
-  fails to give America a first place in the rank of letters, it will
-  keep her not far from the tail.”
-
-  [From the Constantinople Leader.]
-
-  “It is the joint production of two geniuses. We doubt whether one
-  genius could have written it and survived.”
-
-  [From the Copenhagen Sentinel.]
-
-  “Copenhagen is shaken to its centre. Is Sweden dead? Is the land of
-  the immortal Yywxtlmp sleeping? Has the American Exposition become a
-  thing of the past whilst we are yet preparing for it? or are the
-  authors of this book endeavoring, under the guise of an historical
-  novel, to lay the foundation for poisoning the world in the future
-  with the doctrines of Spiritualism? Philadelphia exchanges call it a
-  ‘third term pamphlet.’ We have looked through its pages, and though
-  failing to discover what this means, we found one term for which we
-  thank the authors--the termination.”
-
-  [From the Hong Kong Examiner.]
-
-  “Americans should receive a book like this with fervor--once every
-  hundred years.”
-
-
-
-
-  =1776. FUN. HUMOR. BURLESQUE. 1876.=
-
-  ONE HUNDRED YEARS A REPUBLIC.
-
-  OUR SHOW;
-
-  A HUMOROUS
-  ACCOUNT OF THE
-  INTERNATIONAL EXPOSITION
-  IN HONOR OF THE
-  CENTENNIAL ANNIVERSARY OF AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE,
-
-  =FROM INCEPTION TO COMPLETION,=
-
-  INCLUDING
-
-  DESCRIPTION OF BUILDINGS--BIOGRAPHIES OF MANAGERS--RECEPTIONS OF
-  FOREIGN DIGNITARIES--OPENING CEREMONIES--POEM--ORATION--AMUSING SURVEY
-  OF ALL DEPARTMENTS, INCIDENTS, ETC. ETC.
-
-  BY
-  DAISY SHORTCUT AND ARRY O’PAGUS.
-
-  PROFUSELY ILLUSTRATED BY A. B. FROST.
-
-  PHILADELPHIA:
-  CLAXTON, REMSEN & HAFFELFINGER,
-  624, 626, AND 628 MARKET STREET.
-  THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, NEW YORK.
-  1876.
-
-
-
-
-  Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1875, by
-  CLAXTON, REMSEN, & HAFFELFINGER,
-  in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. All rights
-  reserved.
-
-  PHILADELPHIA:
-  COLLINS, PRINTER,
-  705 Jayne Street.
-
-
-
-
-DEDICATION.
-
-
-After forty days and forty nights of unceasing meditation, we have
-completed this important contribution to
-
-AMERICAN LITERATURE.
-
-It was especially designed for dedication to Mrs. Victoria Guelph, the
-representative of our mother country, as a pleasing, though tardy
-equivalent for the real estate confiscated by the boys who ran away
-
-ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO.
-
-But, our far-sighted Secretary of State, an official of the first water,
-has pointed out to us the impropriety of especially distinguishing one,
-of the many countries interested in “OUR SHOW;” an action likely to give
-birth to those bickerings and petty jealousies among the nations which
-are so apt to lead to grave results.
-
-We desire, above all things, the general good. Under no circumstances
-would we insist upon anything apt to disturb the peace and harmony of
-the world; therefore, we select for the honor of a dedication, the
-private parties we think most deserving,
-
-OURSELVES.
-
-Daisy Shortcut respectfully dedicates his portion of this work to his
-friend and bottle-holder Arry O’Pagus, and Mr. O’Pagus returns the
-compliment, by dedicating the outpourings of his colossal intellect to
-Daisy Shortcut, and, joining hands, they sign themselves,
-
-  The Purchaser’s
-  Most Obedient Servants.
-
-  PARLOR C, CONTINENTAL HOTEL,
-  PHILADELPHIA, December 1st, 1875.
-
-
-
-
-CONTENTS.
-
-
-  CHAPTER I.
-
-                                                                    PAGE
-
-  “THE SPARK.” . . . HOW IT ALL CAME ABOUT                             9
-
-
-  CHAPTER II.
-
-  “THE FUEL.” . . . WHAT THE WOMEN DID                                14
-
-
-  CHAPTER III.
-
-  “THE COOKS.” . . . WHO FED THE FLAMES                               21
-
-
-  CHAPTER IV.
-
-  “THE LOOKERS ON.” . . . WHO CAME TO BE WARMED                       27
-
-
-  CHAPTER V.
-
-  “THE CRACKLING.” . . . PREPARATIONS FOR THE BLAZE                   34
-
-
-  CHAPTER VI.
-
-  “THE FIRE.” . . . WHO FLARED AND HOW THEY DID IT                    40
-
-
-  CHAPTER VII.
-
-  “THE REFLECTIONS.” . . . SHADOWS, SHAPES, AND THOSE WHO MADE THEM   50
-
-
-  CHAPTER VIII.
-
-  “THE GLOW.” . . . WHO HELPED AND WHO ENJOYED IT                     58
-
-
-  CHAPTER IX.
-
-  “THE FLICKERING.” . . . HOW IT DIMMED AND HOW IT BRIGHTENED         66
-
-
-  CHAPTER X.
-
-  “THE SMOKE.” . . . HOW IT WENT UP                                   75
-
-
-
-
-OUR SHOW.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER I.
-
-“THE SPARK.” ... HOW IT ALL CAME ABOUT.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-If the late Christopher Columbus, Esq., could have foreseen, as an
-indirect result of his little excursion in the spring of 1492, the
-infliction of the following pages upon posterity, Mr. Columbus, very
-likely, would have stayed at home. Think kindly, therefore, of the dead;
-let no blame attach to him. Perhaps a few remarks concerning the ancient
-mariner may prove instructive to the reader. Being both happy and able
-to impart useful and interesting information, we cheerfully devote a
-paragraph to the defunct navigator.
-
-The capitalists of our country are familiar with Christopher,
-principally through a cut of that nautical gentleman which an artistic
-government has placed upon the reverse side of its five-dollar bills.
-The elevated cross in the hands of the piratical-looking monk kneeling
-beside him, has given rise to a wide-spread belief that Mr. Columbus was
-a bishop or a cardinal. It is our duty to dispel this grievous
-misconception. He was simply a Brazilian sea captain, who believed there
-were two sides to every question, even to such a serious question as the
-world. Having taught Queen Isabella of Spain, who had not then
-abdicated, how to make an egg stand and drink an egg-flip, she gave him,
-under the influence of the latter, command of the steamer “Mayflower,”
-with permission to row out and see what he could find. He landed at
-Plymouth Rock; discovered the city of Boston, first, by special request,
-being presented with the freedom of THE COMMON by the grateful
-inhabitants, and welcomed in a neat speech by Mrs. Harriet Byron Stowe.
-
-Shortly after this, George III. of England commanded that all the male
-children born in the Colonies should be cast into the Atlantic ocean. He
-also advanced the price of postage stamps. These injustices were more
-than the people could stand; they met in Concord, and drove the British
-out of Lexington. This alarmed George, who immediately passed the famous
-“stamp act,” and telegraphed to Benjamin Franklin, then postmaster at
-Philadelphia, authorizing him to distribute free rations of postage
-stamps three times a day. But the wires clicked back the touching
-refrain--
-
-“Too late! Too late! Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are
-these ‘too late.’
-
-  Yours, BEN.”
-
-Benjamin then convened a job lot of patriots at Philadelphia, and they
-resolved that these United States were, and of right ought to be, free
-and easy. Commodore John Hancock, of the Schuylkill Navy, was chairman
-of the convention. On motion of Robert Morrissey (whose nephew John,
-late M. C. from New York, inherits his uncle’s statesmanlike and
-financial abilities), a bell to proclaim liberty was purchased for the
-State-House steeple. They practised economy in those brave days, and
-bought a cracked one, because they got it at half price. It is still in
-Independence Hall, a monument of our veracity.
-
-The world knows well what followed, and ’tis well for the world that it
-does. General Cornwallis finally surrendered to General Scott at the
-Germantown Intersection. The “Junction” depot now marks the spot. So,
-dismissing our historical reminiscences, we would respectfully request
-both the gentle and the savage reader, to imagine, after the manner of
-the modern drama, the lapse of one hundred years, ere we proceed with
-the second act.
-
-This century being buried in that popular mausoleum, the vast ocean of
-eternity, a universally expressed desire to celebrate the nation’s
-centennial birthday in a style befitting its present power and
-importance, gradually assumed the form of an International Exposition,
-to be held during six months of the year 1876. Philadelphia was selected
-as the site, partly on account of historical associations and the
-proprietorship of the cracked bell, but principally to gratify the
-inhabitants of the adjoining Dutch settlement, New York.
-
-[CONGRESSIONAL MODESTY.]
-
-Congress was naturally appealed to for countenance and assistance.
-Unfortunately, however, Congress, having bestowed all its material aid
-upon railroad and steamship subsidies, had nothing but its moral support
-to offer. Having a large stock of this commodity, it was tendered with
-the usual modesty and circumspection which marks the action of that body
-in national affairs. The President was authorized to invite the world to
-the Exposition--without expense to Congress. Philadelphia was granted
-permission to hold the Exposition--without expense to Congress; each
-State was allowed the privilege of appointing a commission--without
-expense to Congress; and, to be brief, the economic representatives of
-the people resolved that these United States might go in and have a good
-time generally--without expense to Congress.
-
-Jubilant with this encouragement, the State Commissioners organized an
-Executive Committee, which appointed a Board of Finance, and auxiliary
-committees upon everything and anything, including mining, manufactures,
-calisthenics, art, science, primogeniture, horticulture, pisciculture,
-agriculture, infanticulture, and hydrostatics. City committees were
-constituted. These were jobbed out to wards, and again sublet to
-precincts, through which domestic juntas were established in every
-household. Thus the voice of the people woke the echoes of the capitol,
-and reverberated to the furthermost corners of the universe.
-
-[GEE UP DOBBINS!]
-
-The Building Committee immediately contracted with Mr. Richard J.
-Dobbins (the inventor of Dobbins’ electric soap) for the construction of
-
-
-THE MAIN EXHIBITION HALL.
-
-He agreed to furnish the very first quality of soapstone for the
-masonry, and to use Castile only, for the girders. The following were
-the chief points of the contract:--
-
-1st. The building to form a parallelopipedon, in order to secure the
-choicest location to each exhibitor.
-
-2d. To be thoroughly waterproof. Dr. McFadden of the _Aqua Fontana_
-department, and several other eminent surgeons, to fill it up to the
-ceiling as a test previous to the opening. The contractors to take it
-back if the test proved unsatisfactory.
-
-3d. The walls to be of gutta percha; to be distributed after the closing
-of the exhibition to the pupils of the public schools for chewing and
-erasing purposes.
-
-4th. A transcript to meander through the centre of the building, with a
-knave to right and left. Cucumber pumps of the _Louis Quatorze_ pattern
-on the east and west detours, alternating with eight green cellar doors,
-to give the same effect and finish which marked the _tout ensemble_ of
-the Vienna buildings. A main curricle on the right to be flanked by iron
-decades, with arched approaches for bipeds, tripods, and quadrilaterals.
-
-5th. The general appearance of the exterior to favor the Polynesian
-style, which is replete with architectural beauties. _Fac similes_ of
-the Tower of Babel, Tower of London, Leaning Tower of Pisa, and Tower
-Hall, to adorn the four corners. The trusses and bandages supporting the
-roof, to be of purple and fine linen, with brass mountings. The roof
-itself to be perpetually covered with wet towels, to guard against
-sunstroke.
-
-6th. The centre aisle to be covered with canton flannel matting, with
-the grass sloping up to the back door. Nineteen hotel candles to
-illuminate the ground floor, with a citrate of magnesia light in the
-attic window.
-
-This extraordinary structure was completed according to agreement, and
-upon being weighed at the corner grocery, kicked the beam at 1234567890
-pounds, 19 shillings and sixpence.
-
-Mr. Dobbins was also entrusted with the erection of
-
-
-MEMORIAL HALL.
-
-This is a permanent building, so adapted that it may be used hereafter
-as an Art Gallery or a Station-house. The foundation is not only
-cemented with Spalding’s glue, but the iron posterns run through to
-China, and are tied on the other side with the back hair of coolies,
-detailed for the service through the courtesy of the Pekin government.
-
-[MORITURI SALUTAMUS.]
-
-Notwithstanding Mr. Dobbins’ immense labors in completing these two
-buildings, he still found time to run over to Rome and purchase the
-Colosseum. He brought it home with him for the purpose of exhibiting
-Prince Bismarck and the Pope in gladiatorial contests during the
-exhibition months.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-The contract for
-
-
-MACHINERY HALL
-
-was awarded to Mr. Philip Quigley, of Wilmington, Delaware. When it grew
-too big for his State, he removed it to and finished it upon the ground
-it occupied. The machinery exhibited was worked by forty horse-power,
-and a neat stable was attached to the rear for the care and
-accommodation of the forty horses, the contribution of the city
-passenger railway companies.
-
-All the shaftings were of sandal wood, and the belting of Russia
-leather, supplied by the family of the Czar himself. An “hydraulic
-annex” was also tacked on to the building. It contained a tank 60 by 180
-feet, with 10 feet depth of water for fishing and bathing purposes. A
-portion was fenced off for the preservation and display of “The Falls,”
-which the hotel keepers and hackmen of Niagara kindly loaned for the
-occasion. The hydraulic rams and other live stock were watered here
-every morning, and at stated intervals during the day hydrodynamic and
-hydrostatic performances were given in the tank by the pupils of the
-“Girls’ Normal School.” The former were very unique.
-
-The consideration for the construction of this building, as per
-Commissioners’ report, was $542,300, including drainage, water-pipe,
-plumbing, and silver-plated door knobs, but exclusive of interior
-white-washing. This, however, was performed gratuitously by Professor
-Johnson of the African Commission.
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-Mr. John Rice, a healthful and nutritious builder, was selected to erect
-the beautiful
-
-
-HORTICULTURAL HALL,
-
-which remains a permanent ornament to our park, and an attractive target
-for the shots of the young idea visiting the locality. The immense
-expanse of glass will doubtless provide innocent amusement to many
-generations of young America. May they ever appreciate the kind
-consideration which placed the building convenient to a line of soft
-rocks, supplying ready-made boulders of all sizes. We believe, however,
-that the building is taken in at nights; we know its visitors are taken
-in during the day. Some idea of its vastness may be given by stating
-that more than 7000 acres of land are situated around it.
-
-
-AGRICULTURAL HALL,
-
-being of _papier maché_, inlaid with mother-in-law of pearl, was cut out
-by steam, and work was not commenced upon it until September, 1875. The
-pens for live stock adjoining the building were of steel (a favorite
-material in public edifices), and were a part of the contract. They were
-fashioned after the manner of the famous floating palace, “Adelaide
-Neilson,” of the Noah family. The plans were furnished by the Shemitic
-commission from rough drafts now in possession of the descendants of
-Admiral Noah.
-
-       *       *       *       *       *
-
-At a late date the
-
-
-UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT
-
-decided to erect a few buildings, including a hospital. They thought the
-latter might come handy in Washington after the exhibition, for
-resigning officials. When we first learned that the United States had
-obtained 100,000 feet for their buildings, we thought it another display
-of persevering frugality. We imagined they desired to save a hardware
-bill by using the nails accompanying the material. We discovered that
-the feet merely meant the ground for the buildings to stand on.
-
-[A COMPLIMENT TO SAPPHO.]
-
-As the Grecian government had expressed itself too poor to take part in
-the Exposition, Mr. Windrim, the architect, was instructed to design
-these buildings in the shape of a Greek cross. Through this delicate
-compliment, the land where Sappho lived and sung, was represented after
-all.
-
-These, with the offices for managers, gas men, stage carpenters, etc.
-etc., and some national, state, and special buildings, which may claim
-our attention further on, complete the list of structures erected upon
-the Centennial grounds for exhibition purposes. Men of all nationalities
-vied for the privilege of taking part in the glorious work. The Teuton
-and Celt underbid the native American; the co-patriots of Garibaldi did
-still better, only to be put to shame in their turn by a Chinese colony.
-Ignoring all natural partiality and national prejudice, the contractors,
-in a spirit of true republicanism, gave the most work to those who
-labored for the least money.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER II.
-
-“THE FUEL.”... WHAT THE WOMEN DID.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-[LOVELY WOMAN.]
-
-Nature always provides for emergencies. The world required steamboats
-and locomotives, and, lo! a Fulton and a Stephenson appeared to supply
-the demand. We craved a means of rapid intercommunication, and Mr. Morse
-sat down and invented his telegraph. We experienced a soaring desire to
-sail through the air, and George Francis Train stepped forward to
-inflate our balloons. So, when a lady competent to organize and
-superintend the workings of her sisters, became requisite to the success
-of the Centennial project, nature did not desert us. Uprose, as the poet
-sweetly remarks,
-
-  “A perfect woman, nobly planned
-  To boss an army or a peanut stand,”
-
-and grasping the banner, Mrs. Emma D.E.N. Gillespie became the special
-partner of the Board of Finance.
-
-Were we about writing a work in twenty quarto volumes, the kind we have
-been in the habit of producing, we might faintly hope to do justice to
-the prodigies accomplished by the noble women of America, and especially
-by our own Philadelphia ladies. What we do write, however, is the result
-of personal observation. Blessed with female relatives _in esse_ and _in
-posse_, who have been active members of ward committees since the first
-trumpet tone, we write advisedly; having been snubbed, sacrificed, and
-made secondary to centennial enthusiasm for three long years, we write
-with a proper appreciation of the solemn duty in hand.
-
-The dear creatures travelled up to the State-House steeple; they glanced
-around upon the situation; they rolled up their sleeves, metaphorically,
-and swooped down upon the city. They canvassed stores and factories from
-turret to foundation stone; they invaded dingy counting-houses, and
-sauntered like sunbeams into dusty offices, collecting subscriptions to
-centennial stock, peddling centennial medals, and doing irreparable
-damage to the peace of simpering clerks, blushing salesmen, and
-susceptible employers. A single case will serve for illustration. Listen
-to the story of
-
-
-A POOR YOUNG MAN.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-[“NOT WISELY BUT TOO WELL.”]
-
-He was an innocent youth, undergoing initiation into the mysteries of
-compounding and weighing out sugars, teas, and spices at a West-End
-grocery. A Spruce Street damsel did the cruel deed. She visited the
-establishment several times in reference to some shares of stock, and
-her passing glance sank into his soul. His deep, poetic nature demanded
-an outlet for the sacred fire. Ætna will burst; Vesuvius will explode.
-Ætna and Vesuvius were but parlor matches compared to him.
-
-The evening succeeding the lady’s third visit to the grocery, a package,
-neatly done up in brown paper, was left at her residence by a youth who
-vanished upon the instant. The lady untied the bundle, and discovered an
-A. No. 1 salted codfish. The following lines, on pink initial note
-(slightly greased), were fastened to its tail by a blue ribbon:--
-
-      “My love is boundless as the ocean,
-      Deep as its waters my devotion.
-
-        This cod, sweet maid, is salt--
-          Salt is the ocean too;
-  By logical analogy, therefore, this fish will prove
-          Type of my love for you.”
-
-Next evening, about the same time, another package arrived, with another
-poetic sentiment in the same handwriting:--
-
-  “I send a can of salmon soused,
-      ’Tis sweetness in the sour;
-    O, would your smile the salmon was,
-      In my forlorn soused hour!”
-
-The lady was somewhat puzzled, though gratified. Her father was somewhat
-puzzled, though not gratified. Their quandary was not lessened upon
-receiving a third delicate present the next evening.
-
-  “I offer my love two pounds of chipped beef,
-    ’Twill be nice for her breakfast or sup;
-  O the love in my heart’s not at all like the beef--
-    For, sweet maid, _that_ can never dry up!”
-
-“Can’t never dry up, eh?” said the old man the following evening, as he
-pulled on his thickest boots, and took up a commanding position on the
-front-door step. “Can’t never dry up, eh?--we’ll see.”
-
-But the mysterious messenger flanked him by ringing at the back gate.
-
-  “Sweet maid, sweet maid, O pray accept
-    This jar of pickled onions;
-  They’ll tell thee of the tears I’ve wept,
-    And sighs vent by the ton-ions.
-
-  They’re round, too, like the planet Earth;
-    Like earth, my love’s complete;
-  May this to sweetest thoughts give birth,
-    When of them you shall eat.”
-
-Another evening came; the old gentleman was again upon the step; the
-family butcher was sauntering carelessly by the back gate. Alas! in
-place of the youth, ’twas the grocer himself who called. The butcher did
-not know him; he obeyed instructions. On the day of the unfortunate
-man’s funeral these lines were read; they were found in his pocket, and
-explain the cause of his inopportune visit:--
-
-  “Sweet maid, sweet maid, I had a clerk,
-    A taking youth was he;
-  I’ve sent _him_ up to Cherry Hill,
-    The _bill_--I bring to thee.”
-
-We will dwell no longer upon this mournful episode, but return to our
-main subject.
-
-[ROMEO AND JULIET.]
-
-The ladies of the various ward committees did not confine their efforts
-to canvassing. They worked afghans that nobody wanted, and slippers that
-nobody could use; purchased desks that wouldn’t open, and pocket-books
-that wouldn’t shut, and raffled them off at prices as fancy as the goods
-themselves. They appeared in amateur theatricals and variety shows.
-Every ward had its Romeo and its Juliet; every precinct its Lady Macbeth
-and Wellington De Boots. Their acting was wonderful and awe-inspiring.
-Audiences gazed upon them in public with dumb amaze, and wept in
-private, they knew not why. People began to look upon tickets for
-amateur performances as Japanese officials regard a polite invitation to
-“Hari Kari.” Call-boys and scene-shifters at regular theatres set up for
-luminaries. The demoralization of the drama was complete.
-
-But all these things were mere side dishes, to be mentioned incidentally
-in connection with the combined efforts, viz.:--
-
-“The Great National Tea Party,”
-
-“The Greater International Tea Party,” and
-
-“The Greatest Patent Loan Office Exhibition.”
-
-It is with a feeling of profound diffidence that we allude to them.
-
-
-THE NATIONAL OR MARTHA WASHINGTON TEA PARTY.
-
-[TOAST AND TEA.]
-
-Under the supervision of their revered sovereign and her executive star
-chamber cabinet, the ladies transformed the Academy of Music and
-Horticultural Hall into one grand coffee house and sandwich caravansary.
-To save the expense of attendants, the aids themselves dispensed tea and
-coffee, smiles and gingerbread, bewitching glances and ham sandwiches to
-the thousands crowding the vast saloons. They attired themselves in
-old-time fashion to look like so many Mrs. Washingtons. Many a family
-cheerfully sacrificed its furniture covers to array its daughters in the
-style of costume made sacred by Martha. They stuck little blotches of
-black court plaster upon their chins, cheeks, and the tips of their
-noses, to imitate her venerated pimples, and dipped their heads into
-the family flour barrel to make their hair look like to hers.
-
-Each ward represented one of the States of our Union, and the rivalry
-between their tables, though good-natured, was intense. At one table
-they sold tea made in Martha’s china tea pot; at another table they
-dispensed slices from a pie having its edges scalloped by her false
-teeth; while a third overtopped all competition and did an immense
-business, regaling customers with sausage manufactured from the remains
-of her pet poodle. The aids who dealt out this luxury seemed conscious
-of the sacred trust. Tears of patriotism dimmed the lustre of their
-lovely eyes.
-
-They sold nosegays at the price of small conservatories, but pinned them
-on coat lappels without extra charge. They did more. With apparent
-cheerfulness, they accompanied male friends to the hall below, where the
-band played, and with them hopped and skipped, and glided and dipped, as
-if they were really enjoying themselves, and not sacrificing comfort to
-love of country.
-
-The pecuniary result of this affair was most gratifying. The Finance
-Committee kindly acknowledged this fact to its special partner,
-requesting her to do so some more and keep the ball rolling. Yet still
-its grandeur was eclipsed, totally eclipsed, by the next great effort.
-
-
-THE INTERNATIONAL TEA PARTY.
-
-[THIERS ON MOONSHINE.]
-
-Between the two tea drinkings, however, a _Fête Champêtre_ was held at
-Belmont, near the Centennial grounds. We wrote to France, Mrs.
-Gillespie’s native land, to find out what a _fête champêtre_ meant. Our
-respected friend Thiers replied. “You go out,” he wrote, “to some nice
-quiet spot. In the evening you hang a few lanterns on the trees, and
-leaving the other folks to dance, you yourself wander off with some
-‘nearer and dearer one yet than all others,’ to explore the surrounding
-country, its shadowed nooks and moonlit glens.” Of course we went. But
-somehow everybody else was leaving the others to dance and seeking
-moonshine. Never before was there such a demand for nooks and glens
-since nooks and glens were first invented.
-
-The _fête_ was a perfect success as far as moonshine was concerned, but
-not pecuniarily. The caterer of the evening is wearing away his days in
-an insane asylum. Who cares for Champagne when they can have nearer and
-dearer ones? Who cares for lobster salad when they can have nooks and
-glens?
-
-A second tea party, to retrieve the reputation of the cabinet, was
-decided upon. This time, however, instead of representing only our
-States, all the nations of the earth were to be typified.
-
-  “No pent up Utica contracts our powers;
-  The world’s four boundless continents are ours.
-
-  EMMA R.”
-
-were the suggestive lines with which “General orders 197” terminated.
-
-The aids appeared in the costumes which long theatrical usage has
-established as nationally characteristic. For three successive evenings,
-a thing of beauty and a joy for Emma enchanted and astounded throngs of
-visitors, and would have been continued longer had not everybody
-unfortunately run out of small change.
-
-[YE MIGHTY ALPS.]
-
-Each table was adorned by what the ladies fondly believed to be an
-unmistakable designating peculiarity. One ward went into business with a
-few yards of glazed paper and a Noah’s Ark, and reared up the mighty
-Alps. Shem, Ham, and Japhet stared blankly into futurity from the
-storied peaks; old Noah and his wife looked around in a bewildered
-manner as though wondering what the genesis they were doing in that
-locality, while their sheep, goats, cows, elephants, tigers, crocodiles,
-and whales jumped indiscriminately from crag to crag.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-An odor of Swiss cheese, from the sandwiches, made the illusion perfect.
-
-The ladies of another ward had ingeniously built a polar bear with an
-inner structure of rags covered by variegated cat skins. He was a little
-lop-sided, but didn’t seem to mind it. He stood serenely upon a looking
-glass glacier, with tail erect, and the Russian flag between his teeth.
-The 8th ward (Republic of Lima) made a splendid display of Lima beans,
-boiled and in soup. The aids were not afraid to say “beans” to anybody.
-
-But the 21st ward (Isle of Man) carried off the prize. This committee
-had secured, at enormous expense, a live specimen of the native. He was
-quite docile and harmless; yellow whiskers, and wore eye-glasses. This
-table was the Mecca to which all the aids flocked when off duty.
-
-Talk about your heroines of revolutionary times! Bah! Do you suppose
-that Moll Pitcher would have donned striped leggings, a gauze flounce,
-and a sash around the shoulders, and wandered around like the Amazons in
-the “Black Crook,” as did Mrs. Vowl of the 20th ward? Would Mrs. John
-Adams, the wife and mother of presidents, pattern of patriotism as she
-was--would she have put on spangled breeches and a turban of red, green,
-and yellow with a turkey’s feather in front, and trotted up and down the
-Foyer of the Academy with a bucket of lemon peel and water, calling it
-“sherbet,” and pretending not to notice the excruciating look which
-distorted the countenances of the unfortunates inveigled into investing
-in a glass and then feeling compelled to empty it? To these questions
-there can be but one response. You shall make it.
-
-The result of this festival was also satisfactory to the Finance
-Committee and to all concerned. The ladies were encouraged to renewed
-efforts. They racked their brains searching for a novel idea, and when
-did women rack in vain? They invented a style of exhibition which
-produced an effect such as the world had not witnessed since the
-Israelites emptied out Egypt. The war trump sounded: “Gillespie” was the
-cry. Special orders 774 were promulgated, and that stupendous conception
-
-
-THE PATENT LOAN OFFICE EXHIBITION
-
-astonished and frightened the land.
-
-[A LOAN--AND FROM HOME.]
-
-Everything was to be borrowed; nothing bought and still less paid for.
-The idea was attractive. A wide field was opened for feminine ingenuity.
-Each aid immediately locked _her own_ umbrella carefully away, and
-called upon her friends when the weather was cloudy.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-The Franciscan Monastery, on Rittenhouse Square, was the largest article
-loaned to the Committee, they having declined the offer of a Frankford
-brickyard; and in this building the exhibition was held. Three beautiful
-gilded balls were extended from the attic window, and on them the
-neighboring residents gazed in silent rapture. A great demand was
-created for articles one hundred years old and upwards. Old pots, pans,
-and dishes were suddenly endowed with incalculable value. We ourselves
-worked industriously to produce relics. Our aforementioned relations _in
-esse_ and _in posse_, acknowledged the loan of an old brick into which
-we had pounded a new bullet, with a fervor which more than repaid our
-disinterested patriotism. The sweet smile and kindly glance with which
-they accepted a pair of old army breeches, which we had purchased for
-seventy cents and riddled with augur holes, haunts us still. Nay, when
-we attended the exhibition, and saw an old lady reverently kiss a yellow
-handkerchief, which we had borrowed from an hostler of our acquaintance,
-and labelled “Lafayette,” we retired to a side apartment and wept tears
-of joy. We had afforded that old lady a gratifying reminiscence for the
-remainder of her existence.
-
-[GEORGE’S INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBUTION.]
-
-The Washington family came out particularly strong. In a pavilion in the
-garden, seventeen aged females were seated. They had nursed little
-George in his baby days. With undisguised emotion they exhibited 21
-cradles, 66 gum rings, 423 hatchets, and half a bottle of soothing
-syrup, all of which, they asserted, had been the property of the father
-of his country during his infantile years. They also possessed among
-them an aggregate of 34,621 buttons, which they had purloined at
-different times from the dear child’s vestment.
-
-This was considered as George’s individual contribution.
-
-The remainder of the family were not behindhand. They sent a few of
-their plates, spoons, forks, ladles, etc.; not many, only about enough
-to start a first-class hotel. As for family Bibles, they must have had a
-sufficient quantity to have allowed each member of the family a new one
-every day of the week and two on Sundays. There were chairs and sofas
-enough to seat the entire continental army, and about five wagon loads
-of miscellaneous furniture and chattels. Heavens, what an establishment
-those Washingtons must have kept!
-
-It would be useless to attempt an enumeration of the wonders on hand and
-made to order for this occasion. Suffice it to say the ladies borrowed
-everything they could borrow, and what they couldn’t borrow they--didn’t
-have.
-
-Two rooms were set apart for broken and unbroken china, which (again in
-compliment to Mrs. Gillespie’s native tongue) were called _Bric a brac_
-apartments.
-
-The exhibition was open to the public for six weeks with a table _à la
-carte_ in the dining-room. The net profit was close on to seventy-five
-dollars.
-
-And after all this work, after obtaining from them all these ducats,
-what did the centennial magnates say to the ladies?
-
-“Ladies,” said they, “we have taken your money; we have urged you to
-labor; we have induced you, in the person of our special partner, to
-travel to sister cities to persuade the daughters of our land to make a
-proper exhibition of their importance and standing in this home of equal
-rights; but, ah, unfortunately, we shall not be able to allow you any
-space in our buildings; the old women of China, the aged females of
-Timbuctoo claim it, and if you want to display that standing and
-importance we have mentioned, why--ah--here are plans for a building;
-take them, get up a side show for yourselves, pay for it yourselves, and
-be--happy.”
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER III.
-
-“THE COOKS.” ... WHO FED THE FLAMES.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-
-Our record would be incomplete if we failed to insert a few brief
-biographical sketches of some of the personages prominently connected
-with the conduct of the Centennial celebration. We regret being obliged
-to limit the list to a very few of the many deserving of the honor. The
-facts which we relate in regard to them, have been industriously
-gathered from many sources probably unknown even to the parties
-themselves. Should we succeed in awakening one soul to pure aspiring
-action--should we be the means of placing one pair of feet into those
-“footprints on the sands of time” which lead to honored greatness--our
-labor has not been in vain.
-
-
-GENERAL JOSEPH NAPOLEON HAWLEY,
-
-the President of the Centennial Commission, was born principally in the
-State of Rhode Island, but grew so rapidly that his parents soon found
-it necessary to have him hauled over entirely into Connecticut. Here he
-flourished and grew fat among the healthy wooden nutmeg groves. He early
-displayed unmistakable evidences of genius. At the age of seven, he
-invented a tin lightning rod, and a schoolboy’s improved blowpipe of the
-same material. For this latter, his teachers passed him a vote of thanks
-through the medium of a ruler, and graduated him from the scholastic
-establishment. Shortly afterwards he originated the business of
-manufacturing paper shell almonds, but sold out advantageously to a
-near-sighted relative and entered the Artillery school at Brienne, from
-whence he soon meandered to the military academy at Paris. He instituted
-the “legion of honor,” won the battles of Marengo, Jena, Austerlitz,
-Eylau, Wagram, and some few others, and then retired to the monastery at
-St. Helena. Here he took the veil and several other articles, and
-leaving, one cloudy night, worked his passage to London. At this
-metropolis he mixed freely with the heads of the nobility, opening a hat
-store and being appointed “hatter extraordinary” to the Queen. He pined,
-however, for the breezes of his native land, and when Columbia called
-upon her sons to lend a hand to the Centennial structure, he returned to
-America and was elected President of the commission.
-
-His bravery and prowess are equalled only by his genial nature and the
-style of his moustache and imperial. Of him the poet Horace (Greeley)
-has said,
-
-  “Though always ready to smile with a friend,
-      He never was known to re-treat.”
-
-Some of his enemies recently nominated him for Congress. Their sinister
-designs failed, however, and he will happily remain for some time longer
-an ornament to society and a credit to his country.
-
-
-THE HON. ORESTUS CLEVELAND,
-
-[OH REST US.]
-
-Vice President of the commission, was born, when quite an infant, in the
-State of Ohio. He gave such promise of future greatness that his native
-city was named after him.
-
-He was the eighteenth child of his parents, and was, therefore, called
-Orestus. The name was suggested by the friends who had been acting as
-godparents for the family. He must not be confounded with the Orestes
-who murdered his ma and was afterwards killed by the bite of an Arcadian
-serpent; he is quite a different sort of an Orestes.
-
-Through life he has been noted for his culture and refinement. These
-qualities he owes to his father’s care. The old gentleman made a point
-of polishing him off regularly twice a week during his youth.
-
-He always displayed a remarkable fondness for school. He could often be
-found there an hour after all the rest of the pupils had gone home. His
-teacher was especially fond of him. “Frequently,” said she to us, with
-tears in her eyes, “frequently did I lay him across my knee to more
-readily display the affection with which I regarded him.”
-
-When he was not at school he was engaged in the noble work of repairing
-and paying for the window panes his companions had smashed; in replacing
-fruit upon the trees from which they had stolen it, and in going to
-church and praying for their regeneration.
-
-His manners always continued engaging. Unimpressible police officers
-have been known to form an attachment for him, the more remarkable as he
-never encouraged their sociability.
-
-After essaying many learned professions, he finally concluded that his
-_forte_ lay in the profession of being a rich man. He bought a farm near
-Camden, planted Kelley’s patent inflation bill, and raised money in that
-primitive fashion. After passing the meridian of life in honor and
-righteousness, the devil put evil thoughts in his mind, and he embraced
-the legal profession, to which he is still united.
-
-His front elevation is very imposing. His face is somewhat in the
-Corregio style, with Roman nasal appendage and Grecian earwings, doing
-much credit to the architect who designed him. He is finished with a
-double action expanding chest, with corrugated windpipes, and he stands
-on two seventeen inch pedestals cased in patent leather. He was on
-exhibition during the entire continuance of the exposition.
-
-Of the early days of
-
-
-MRS. EMMA D. E. N. GILLESPIE,
-
-but little is accurately known. Though historians agree upon essential
-points, there are many of those conflicting side issues which always
-arise from a multiplicity of traditions. We know, however, that at her
-birth she was taken under the especial patronage of the Fairy
-“Bookotheopera,” who endowed her with all the virtues in that fairy’s
-_repertoire_, and presented her with a beautiful purple pincushion with
-
-  ~“Welcome, Little Stranger,”~
-
-blazing in the brass heads of the pins which it contained. It is still
-in her possession.
-
-[CENTENNIAL MYTHOLOGY.]
-
-She has performed many noteworthy deeds in addition to those connected
-with the Centennial. ’Tis true, she never fooled with asps or indulged
-in pearl cock-tails like Cleopatra; nor did she act as a spy during the
-war like Major Charlotte Cushman, but her quarrel with Neptune
-concerning the right of giving a name to Cecropia (_Horat._ 1, _od._
-16), deserves as much attention as either of the above performances.
-
-The inhabitants of Taurica offer upon her altars all the strangers
-wrecked upon their coasts as a mark of their appreciation of her efforts
-in establishing the American line of steamers (_Apollod._ 1, _c._ 4,
-etc.), and though her resentment against Paris (the son of Mr. Priam)
-was undoubtedly the cause of the Trojan war, yet the myrtle and the dove
-have ever been considered her most sacred emblems. Her ride upon the
-white bull is as famous as Sheridan’s ride to West Chester, and her
-patronage has been so extensively claimed by artists of all sorts,
-especially such as painters, carpenters, white-washers, and tea
-importers, that the poets have had occasion to say--
-
-  “_Tu nihil invita dices, faciesve Mrs. Gillespiebus._”
-
-To her, more than to any one other individual, is the success of the
-celebration due. We have remarked her executive ability, and the manner
-in which she directed the nymphs of her train, and it is our candid
-opinion, that nobody could have been found or invented, to fill more
-perfectly a position involving so much annoyance, so much mental and
-physical labor, so many petty anxieties, and so comparatively little
-general appreciation. There are some debts which cannot be paid. We put
-that owing to her upon the list.
-
-
-GOVERNOR BIGLER,
-
-the Financial Agent of the Executive Committee, passed his early youth
-among the vine-clad hills of Bucks County. He was brought up a sturdy
-farmer’s lad. Day after day, in the hot sun of noon, he stood erect in
-the centre of the cornfield, the terror of the devastating crow.
-
-[SWEET WILLIAM.]
-
-He was not called “governor” at his birth; his name is William; the
-former title he acquired later in life when he married a governess.
-Willie was very popular in the country school which he attended during
-the winter evenings. Upon several occasions his master bestowed a cane
-upon him, which token of desert he received with a few powerful and
-eloquent remarks and tears in his eyes.
-
-His nature was always affectionate. He would never visit a young lady
-the second time unless he could kiss her “good-bye” the first time he
-called.
-
-Artless to a fault, he never knew the use of wigs until after he
-married, and it is said that he never acquired his second teeth until a
-few years back.--He couldn’t have got them then if he hadn’t paid fifty
-dollars for them.
-
-Despite his gentle nature, however, his physical strength is immense.
-His prowess in the amphitheatre, his speech to his brother gladiators at
-Capua, and the able manner in which he defended the wire bridge against
-Mr. Porsena, of Andalusia, are favorite themes with every American
-school-boy.
-
-After the revolution he had his sword cut down into a set of shoemaker’s
-tools, and followed the cobbler’s peaceful pursuit, until the Centennial
-committee demanded his time and services. For this he gave up
-everything. He cheerfully immured himself for a time in the St. Nicholas
-Hotel, New York, living on rye bread and wheat whiskey, and enduring all
-sorts of hardships in his endeavors to collect subscriptions from the
-Dutchmen of Manhattan. He came home, however, in time to tack the roof
-on the main building.
-
-Should he again take to mercantile life in our midst, we cordially
-recommend him to our friends for “invisible patches.” His name will ever
-be high upon the list of the best beloved sons of the Keystone State.
-
-As
-
-
-MR. DANIEL J. MORRELL,
-
-[A SECOND DANIEL COME TO JUDGMENT.]
-
-the Chairman of the Executive Committee, was changed while an infant in
-his cradle, and the child of his nurse substituted for him in order to
-obtain possession of the chateau and estates, we were not thoroughly
-satisfied that he was entitled to any biography. We called upon him to
-ascertain what he knew about himself, and were disappointed to find that
-he was not very well up upon the subject.
-
-We found him a man of fine appearance. He has the eye of a hawk, the
-nose of an eagle, the hair of a raven, and the cheek of a Colossus of
-Rhodes--with which he expects some day to start a museum. We informed
-him why we had called, and at once commenced a list of questions which
-we had taken the precaution to prepare.
-
-“As a youth, sir, were you gentle, with a sweet disposition?”
-
-“A sugar refinery, gentlemen, wasn’t a circumstance to me.”
-
-“Were you always gay and cheerful and generous beyond measure?”
-
-“I was.”
-
-“Were you ever in love?”
-
-“I decline to criminate myself.”
-
-“Well, Schiller loved once, Goethe many times, which do you consider the
-most natural?”
-
-“The latter, decidedly.”
-
-“Were you ever jealous?”
-
-“Once.”
-
-“How did you act towards the cause of this feeling?”
-
-“Smothered her with a pillow.”
-
-“Oh, then, you could be a Othello?”
-
-“I could be twenty Othellos; but, gentlemen, as this style of procedure
-is evidently fatiguing to you, suppose I relate my story without
-questioning, eh? James, a bottle of champagne and a box of those
-_victorias_ for the gentlemen.
-
-[Illustration: “YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE.”]
-
-“I was born,” he continued, “on the Island of Borneo. My mother was a
-decendant of the noble Italian family of McLaughlini; my father was also
-of noble birth; he never walked afoot; he always drove a carriage--for
-the man who owned it. Cast upon the world at a tender age, I went to
-England and took up my residence on Hounslow Heath--maybe you’ve heard
-of the place. Always of a playful disposition, I invented a pretty
-little game called ‘Your money or your life,’ which I taught to all the
-lonely travellers who passed my neighborhood, to cheer them on their
-way. They generally used to leave me their pocket books, watches, and
-whatever valuables they had about them, so gratified were they with my
-attention. The Royal Family soon heard of me and despatched a regiment
-of guards to conduct me to London. Naturally modest, I endeavored to
-avoid this distinction, shunning a meeting with the deputation as long
-as I possibly could. At last I found myself compelled, as it were, to
-accompany the party. I was conducted to a grand stone building of
-immense proportions and solidity of design, in which, apartments had
-been prepared for me. From thence I was introduced at Court, and, upon
-the suggestion of the Lord Chief Justice of England, the apartments in
-the granite building were placed at my disposal for six months, after
-which time he desired me, in the name of the government, to address a
-public meeting of citizens and officials from a raised platform, in
-Newgate Yard, hinting that the address would be followed by my immediate
-elevation to a high position. My sensitive nature shrunk from this
-display. Not wishing, however, to offend the gentlemen delegated to
-attend me, I remained quiet as to my plans for avoiding it until the
-opportunity I waited for offered. Then, weaving my bed clothing into a
-rope, I let myself down through the chimney and hurried home to America,
-without saying adieu to them. They were sorry to lose me, and offered
-quite a large reward for my return if living, or my body, if dead,
-designing, no doubt, in the latter case, to give me a grand funeral. But
-I have ever preferred a quiet private life to the elevation they
-tendered me. That is all, gentlemen.”
-
-“We are obliged to you, Daniel; good morning.”
-
-“Good morning: but recollect, gentlemen, I am entered according to the
-Act of Congress, in the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, and any
-infringement will be punished according to law; you understand? Good
-morning.”
-
-
-THE HON. ALFRED TIMOTHY GOSHORN,
-
-Director General of the Exposition, was born in the State of New Jersey.
-This was, however, without collusion upon his part, and no one more
-sincerely regrets the circumstance than himself. His father cruised
-about the Spanish main, from Burlington to Gloucester. Some folks called
-him a free-booter; he was only this, however, when young Alfred
-misbehaved himself or the tide ran the wrong way. Our hero was a very
-promising lad. He was ever ready to promise anything. He was of a
-domestic turn of mind and could generally be found in the vicinity of
-the kitchen, especially when cakes and pies were in process of
-preparation. After a course of studies at Yale, Harvard, Princeton, and
-Cornell, his parents transferred him to a public school to acquire the
-arts of reading and writing and the rudiments of arithmetic.
-
-Early in life he joined the temperance movement, but resigned when he
-grew too big to parade with the cadets. He adopted the profession of the
-law, and rose as rapidly as a schoolmaster from a tack-lined chair. He
-was appointed minister to the court of St. James. He preached there
-until the Saint moved out of the court, and he then took entire charge
-of the Crystal Palace Exhibition of ’44, after which he swam across the
-Hellespont and returned to Philadelphia.
-
-An aunt in Cincinnati died and left him a large pork sausage
-manufactory. After entering into a contract with the Philadelphia
-dog-catchers, he moved West to take possession of, and run the mill. He
-assumed a leading position in the city’s trade, was made president of
-the Commercial Exchange, and in this capacity was selected as director
-of the Cincinnati Industrial Exhibition.
-
-[THE RIGHT MAN.]
-
-This double experience made him of course the most available citizen to
-take charge of the Centennial Celebration. The manner in which he
-performed the arduous duties of the office, and their effect upon his
-once robust constitution, may be conceived if the reader will but glance
-at Gutekunst’s latest photograph of Timothy, which may be found, full
-length, upon the back cover of this volume. He is going into the sausage
-business again to recuperate.
-
-[WELL DONE, OH RARE OFFICIALS!]
-
-Taken altogether and without exception, we may feel justly proud of our
-countrymen and women who labored so faithfully for the honor of our
-common nationality. We trust our country may be as blessed in noble
-hearts, generous souls and gifted minds, at her next Centennial
-Anniversary, and that we may all be here to meet them.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER IV.
-
-“THE LOOKERS ON.” ... WHO CAME TO BE WARMED.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-Early in 1876 the actual hard work of the Commissioners began. During
-the months of February, March, and April, they were kept busy day and
-night, receiving, sorting, and arranging the goods forwarded for
-exhibition. The Adams Express Company ran its wagons directly up to the
-back door of the buildings, but as usual left all the packages on the
-sidewalk. It was a goodly, a grandly beautiful sight, to behold the
-Director General carrying huge packing boxes upon his shoulders while
-the dew of honest toil coursed adown his noble brow, or to look upon the
-great Orestes heaving bags and bundles to Willie Bigler, who stood in
-the doorway and caught them on the fly. The boys of the District
-Telegraph Company stood around watching the exhilarating sight, only
-finding tongue in their admiring wonder to encourage the gentlemen with
-kind remarks and well-meant advice. Many Foreign Commissioners were also
-on hand during this time. To look upon their varied costumes was
-suggestive of the grand army in a spectacular drama, with the managers
-short of uniforms; to listen to their varied tongues was suggestive of
-the building of Babel’s tower.
-
-The daily travel to the Park and the vicinity of the buildings was
-immense. Thousands hurried thither regularly to see what they could pick
-up. Broken china, Japan ware, German silver, French glass, half Spanish
-cigars--nothing came amiss.
-
-[LODGINGS FOR SINGLE GENTLEMEN.]
-
-The Market Street Passenger Railway Company reduced fares to five cents
-to catch the bulk of the traffic. Next day the Chestnut and Walnut
-Street line lowered their rates to four cents, carrying bundles free and
-no questions asked. The Race and Vine Street Company, appreciating the
-situation, carried passengers for three cents, presenting each one with
-a chromo of the Bridge across the Delaware. This was but the beginning
-of the famous tramway war, which continued with variations during the
-entire Exposition. Before its close the Market Street line was paying
-passengers seven cents apiece to ride with them, while the newly
-established “People’s Line” presented each patron with four shares of
-stock and a night’s lodging in their spacious depot.
-
-But the city, ah, the city! It really seemed as if everybody who
-proposed attending the Exposition had resolved to be present at its
-opening. Every nook and corner, highway and byway, where a tired
-stranger could rest his wearied head, was engaged, taken up,
-appropriated; and those dilatory ones who delayed securing
-accommodations (notably some of the most distinguished guests) were
-obliged to pay the penalty of their procrastination.
-
-Imagine it to be the month of May. According to a popular fallacy this
-is the month of flowers and gentle zephyrs; according to Jayne’s almanac
-it is a first-rate time to take one of his excellent remedies for
-invigorating the system.
-
-On the tenth day of this month the Exposition is to be opened. The city
-has cut entirely loose from its Quaker traditions. It is clad in
-banners, flags, garlands, arches, and emblems. Many private residences
-are painted to represent the American flag; numerous clothes-lines offer
-to the breezes various shaped streamers of red, white, blue, and
-orange-colored flannel. All the lamp-posts have been silver-plated;
-every telegraph pole has been varnished; every wire enamelled. For weeks
-the inhabitants have not gone to bed. An ingenious invention in the
-shape of an inflatable pocket-pillow enables them to take standing naps
-against walls, buildings, and fire-plugs.
-
-The guns at the Navy Yard continually herald distinguished arrivals. The
-streets are thronged with citizens, tourists, American and foreign
-officers and soldiers, the advance guard of every country to be
-represented. ’Tis like an animated waxwork exhibition. Receptions,
-banquets, and serenades are of hourly occurrence.
-
-Many side streets are converted into airy lodgings. Families have rented
-out their door-steps, charging double price when their door-mats are
-used. A new industry has arisen, and hostlers are deserting the stables
-to carry shaving water for, and attend to the visitors thus
-accommodated. It is a common thing, on the way down town in the morning,
-to pass an early riser making his toilette under difficulties, while a
-lazier companion snores away complacently with his head against the
-alley-gate.
-
-The seventh day of the month was one to be remembered with pride
-forever. Early in the day the Chevalier De Lafayette arrived with the
-gentlemen of the French Commission and secured quarters at the “Guy
-House.” In consideration of his ancestor’s great services, the
-proprietor rated the Chevalier’s board at six hundred francs per diem,
-and as a delicate compliment to his national feelings, assigned him an
-apartment in the French roof. Before he departed the Chevalier
-ascertained to his complete satisfaction why this hotel was called the
-Guy House.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-On the evening after their arrival, a reception was tendered the
-Chevalier and his companions by our citizens. Col. Fitzgerald was
-selected to deliver the address of welcome on account of his Parisian
-manners, the elegance of costume which distinguishes him from his
-fellows, and for his general epileptic fitness. We give a report of his
-speech copied from the “City Item” of the succeeding day. We are,
-therefore, prepared to vouch for its correctness.
-
-[LA BLESSING DE MON PERE.]
-
-“_Messieurs_: God bless you all; you are noble men; we are all noble
-men; a noble man’s the honest work of God. God bless Paris; God bless
-Philadelphia--they are both noble cities! May He bless the _Champs
-Elysées_; may He bless the _Column Vendome_; may He bless the _Hotel de
-Ville_, and, _entre nous_, while we are upon this subject, God bless the
-_Abattoir_. (Great applause.)
-
-“_Parlez vous, Messieurs_ (laughter), I greet you all. I stand before
-you a relic of the past--of a noble past--of a gigantic past--of
-a--a--_sacre a la pain et fromage_ (increased laughter)--God bless the
-past! (Cheers.)
-
-“_Ate fif tesix five_: General Grant is a great man; he is a good man;
-he is a noble man. In his name I bid you welcome. God bless General
-Grant, our noble President, our Chief Executive. (Cheers and applause of
-five minutes’ duration.)
-
-“The press, _Messieurs_, the press! I represent that gigantic instrument
-of civilization. I have a family devoted to the press. Should supplies
-of printers’ ink give out, they would spill their dearest blood to keep
-it running. _Je suis_, pardon me, _Messieurs_, if I pause to bless them
-(cries of ‘do,’ ‘do’). God bless them all! _Ate fif tesix five._
-(Immense applause.)
-
-“I greet you as brothers, _eau de vie_. I have been to Paris. I have
-visited the _Pont Neuf_. I have stood on that bridge at midnight, I have
-gazed at the flowing tide, with the shining stars above me and my family
-by my side. (Cheers.)
-
-“I have walked along the _Champs Elysées_:--
-
-“Noble walk!
-
-“Glorious promenade!
-
-“I have looked upon the _Column Vendome_:--
-
-“Magnificent monument!
-
-“Sublime creation!
-
-“I have examined the exterior of the _Hotel de Ville_:--
-
-“In short, _Messieurs_, I have been to Paris; ’tis no more than just
-that you should come to Philadelphia. (Laughter and applause.)
-
-“Philadelphia and Paris! (Cheers.)
-
-“Paris and Philadelphia! (Cheers.)
-
-“Noble cities!
-
-“God bless you all. _Ate fif tesix five._ (Paroxysmal applause.)”
-
-The Chevalier responded in very fair French. He was attired in his
-national costume. He wore a Lyons velvet coat trimmed with Valenciennes
-lace, a white Marseilles vest, and French _papeterie_ knee-breeches; his
-hair was powdered with Paris white. Later in the evening the Commission
-was serenaded by the German Singing Societies. They executed the
-_Marseillaise_ with great spirit and effect.
-
-[DIE WACHT AM DELAWARE.]
-
-The same day the junk of Prince Kung, the Regent of the Orphan of the
-Sun, the Child Emperor of China, arrived in the Delaware. The vessel was
-brilliantly illuminated with Chinese lanterns, and a band of native
-musicians discoursed sweet music from the forward poop upon their wooden
-accordeons and pipes of reed. The Prince was a lantern-jawed sort of an
-individual with a candle-wicked eye. He and his suite were met by a
-delegation of laundrymen at Poplar Street wharf. Sam Wing, Esq.,
-extended them an invitation to attend an opium banquet next day at the
-hall of the Bedford Street Mission.
-
-While this reception was in progress up town, the firing of guns and
-ringing of bells announced the arrival of the Imperial German
-Commission.
-
-Fifty thousand German citizens lined Walnut Street dock and the floating
-palaces in the vicinity, and no sooner had Prince Bismarck and his
-comrades touched land, than they were lifted bodily into several of
-Bergner & Engel’s beer wagons, which were in waiting. The crowd,
-removing the horses from the wagons and the bungs from the kegs
-provided, proceeded to draw both the wagons and the beer. Previous to
-starting, however, Alderman McMullin, who had been delegated for the
-pleasing duty by the German Society, spoke briefly as follows:--
-
-“Respected Dutchmen: The proudest occasion of my eventful career is the
-present--to be permitted to welcome to this new world, this republic of
-an hundred years, the flower of the great German Empire under auspices
-so favorable and inspiring. Not even when marshalling the once famous
-‘Moya’ to do battle with the devouring element, consuming in its fury
-the massive storehouse, the busy factory, the domestic hearth--aye, and
-life, dear life itself--not even when the bullet of the assassin found a
-resting-place within my weakened frame, did I experience the thrill of
-sublime pride, the glorious impulse of friendship and common humanity,
-which now animates my being. For know there is between us a bond of
-sympathy which the boundless intervening ocean cannot sever. William is
-my name, and it is likewise the name of my respected friend, your
-honored sovereign. Like me, he is simple in his tastes; like me, he is
-renowned for his courage and determination.
-
-“I desire that you should carry home with you a high opinion of our
-manners and institutions, and many, very many, pleasant reminiscences of
-your visit. I trust we shall meet frequently and become quite sociable
-during your stay. I invite you all to dine with me to-morrow.”
-
-Prof. Max Müller responded, with the accent of a Latin grammar.
-
-“Mr. Mickmullion, and gentlemen,” said he, “I thank you for this welcome
-in the name of the Emperor, his Highness Prince Bismarck, my colleagues,
-and myself. For years have I desired to visit this country for the
-purpose of making a geological examination. During your eloquent remarks
-I have taken the opportunity of analyzing a handful of the soil. To my
-intense gratification I find it to average a conglomeration or
-semi-crystalline gneissoid of dark brown hematite, or, perhaps, a
-combination of barytes manganese with carbonate of strontia. You will
-frequently notice that the debituminization of these silicious
-formations will degenerate in quality--at times ferruginous layers of
-volatile diorite form component parts. I have no doubt that you, Mr.
-Mucksquillion, have frequently arrived at similar conclusions.
-
-“So, again thanking you for your kind reception, I assure you I
-appreciated the finish of your remarks.”
-
-[OUR BOYS--FRITZ AND WALES.]
-
-Prince Bismarck was then taken in charge by Archbishop Wood, who had a
-hammock swung for him in the Cathedral. “Unser Fritz,” the Emperor, and
-the commissioners were driven to the German Hospital. They declined
-communication of any kind, save an underground communication with
-Bergner and Engel’s Brewery. In the evening, however, they were
-serenaded by the _Société Française_. “Die Wacht am Rhein” was sung with
-much feeling.
-
-On this eventful day the Hon. Morton McMichael presided professionally
-at four banquets.
-
-The day following this is also one to be looked back to with
-gratification. The Irish Rifle Team arrived with the dawn, and was
-greeted with a beautiful sunrise, very cleverly arranged by Professor
-Jackson. The team acted as escort to the Prince of Wales and suite.
-Since his return from India, the Prince had been in rather reduced
-circumstances. Although scrupulously clean, his coat was somewhat
-threadbare, and his beaver gave evidence of frequent brushing.
-
-His Highness and suite were quartered at the house of the Spring Garden
-Soup Society; the team secured accommodations at a first-class livery
-stable.
-
-These distinguished guests were received by General Franz Sigel, who
-remarked that he was glad to see them looking so fresh and green; that
-he liked fresh and green folks to come to this country. He advised them
-all to come back when they went home and get naturalized. He said that
-the ladder of Fame was waiting for Irishmen, and all they had to do was
-to come and climb. He wanted them to carry home a good opinion and leave
-as a remembrance the contents of their wallets. His remarks were
-received with hearty cheers.
-
-Wales suffered considerably during the trip over. He says the company of
-the riflemen completely demoralized him. He might say he was half shot
-when he was half seas over.
-
-About noon the Spanish delegation arrived in Jersey city. They landed
-from the ferry boat in high good humor. The commission, composed of the
-_elite_ of Spanish chivalry, included the following distinguished
-names:--
-
-Senor Concha Maduro.
-
-Don Felix Estra-Maduro (cousin of the above).
-
-Count Flor Del Fumar.
-
-His Highness Reina De Victoria, and
-
-Don Regalia De la Palma.
-
-These gentlemen proceeded quietly and unostentatiously to their rooms on
-the seventh floor of the Colonnade Hotel. They were waited upon by the
-leading cigar dealers of the city, who offered their spacious
-establishment as headquarters.
-
-Towards night the Duke of Gloucester and Red Bank arrived at South
-Street wharf. He had an apartment reserved for him on top of the
-Christian Street Shot Tower, to which he repaired at once.
-
-Pere Hyacinth came on the same vessel, and was taken in charge by the
-Horticultural Society. They lodged him cosily in the southeast corner of
-the State-house steeple. He says he liked his lodgings very much, but
-the rarefaction of the air was such that he could hear his watch ticking
-all night long.
-
-The Emperor of Brazil arrived at a very late hour and bunked temporarily
-back of the main chimney of the Girard House.
-
-[THE “ALMS HOUSE” REGISTER.]
-
-The following guests registered at the Alms House.
-
-Victor Emanuel of Italy, wife, three masters and three misses Emanuel.
-
-Mr. Khedive, of Egypt, with seven Madames Khedive. Family left at home.
-
-Professor Tyndale,--London.
-
-Joseph II. of Austria, wife and mother-in-law.
-
-General Von Moltke, Prussian Army. (He had unfortunately missed the
-train which had brought his copatriots, and was very warm upon his
-arrival.)
-
-Mr. McMichael presided at seven banquets this day, at one of which he
-read a telegram from Queen Victoria, accepting with thanks the
-apartments kindly tendered her by Engine No. 10.
-
-Next day, the 9th inst., the city’s pulsometer was at fever heat.
-
-Brigham Young and family arrived from Utah per Centennial R. R. special
-train, forty-four cars. Brigham said he wanted to give the little ones
-an excursion. They were located under sheds at Point Breeze Park.
-
-On this evening, too, a most remarkable event occurred. During the day
-the City Solicitor of Philadelphia, who is also a military commander of
-renown, in addressing a meeting of some of his contemporary warriors,
-including Bismarck, Von Moltke, MacMahon, and others, remarked that he
-would meet them upon the morrow at Memorial Hall, during the opening
-ceremonies. Immediately a special meeting of city councils was convened,
-and the following preamble and resolutions presented and unanimously
-adopted.
-
-“WHEREAS, An International Exposition was held at Vienna, in the year
-1873; and WHEREAS, upon the day the City Solicitor of Philadelphia
-carried into effect his predeclared intention of visiting said
-Exposition the roof of the buildings fell in, doing great damage and
-causing great excitement; and WHEREAS, the same City Solicitor has
-announced his purpose of visiting our Centennial buildings to-morrow;
-and WHEREAS, it is our bounden duty to provide against the occurrence of
-any like disaster to our International Exposition, and especially from
-the same cause which affected the Vienna affair, be it hereby
-
-“RESOLVED, That the interests of the Exhibition demand the incarceration
-of the individual above alluded to.
-
-[ON ICE.]
-
-“RESOLVED, That he be immediately placed in irons and confined in the
-vaults of the Knickerbocker Ice Company until the close of the
-Exposition.
-
-“RESOLVED, That every attention be paid to him in his confinement, and
-that the Knickerbocker Ice Company be allowed $93.77 per diem for his
-support and the ice required to keep him cool.
-
-“RESOLVED, That he be produced for one hour each Wednesday morning at
-the Supreme Court Rooms, to deliver opinions on municipal affairs, that
-the city may suffer no more than necessary from this unavoidable action.
-
-“RESOLVED, That he be supplied with the ‘Times’ newspaper daily, and be
-allowed unlimited rations of lemons, sugar, and whatever liquid he may
-desire, to mix with his ice.”
-
-At four o’clock in the morning, the subject of these resolutions was
-awakened from his innocent slumbers and hurried into a Knickerbocker ice
-wagon by detectives, with black masks over their faces. He struggled
-bravely, but--_pro bono publico--principiis obsta_.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER V.
-
-“THE CRACKLING.” ... PREPARATIONS FOR THE BLAZE.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-The morning smiled bright, and the mist rose on high, and the lark
-whistled “Hail Columbia” in the clear sky, on the tenth day of May,
-1876, the day set apart for, and consecrated to, the opening of the
-Centennial Exposition.
-
-Old Probabilities himself was in the city, with his weather eye open.
-Early in the morning he fixed the barometer in front of McAllister’s at
-“set fair,” arranged the thermometer at 65°, and engaged a refreshing
-southern breeze to be around lively during the entire day. After this he
-ate his breakfast, enjoying a quiet conscience and a correspondingly
-good appetite.
-
-Shortly before daylight a very curious incident occurred--fortunately it
-ended happily.
-
-[OH SHAH, WHAT A FUSS!]
-
-The Shah of Persia, his son John, and the Sultan of Turkey, arrived
-together at Broad and Prime Street Depot. The city being weary of
-receiving dignitaries, no official and but little private notice was
-taken of their arrival. They jumped into a Union Line car. Unthinkingly,
-the Sultan put a dollar bill into the “Slawson box,” and then demanded
-his change from the conductor. Of course, the conductor was unable to
-open the box, and refused to give it to him, telling him he deserved to
-lose it for his stupidity. The Sultan became furious.
-
-“My change,” he cried; “I want my change, and I’m going to have it;
-seven cents for me, seven cents for the Shah, and four cents for little
-Shah, that’s eighteen cents; give me eighty-two cents change. You can’t
-cheat me, you swindling Americans!”
-
-Again the conductor refused and remonstrated; the Sultan was perfectly
-wild with rage; he drew his scimetar, and caught that conductor by the
-throat, and there would certainly have been an immediate vacancy for a
-conductor on the Union Line, had not Mr. McMichael been just then
-returning from a late banquet. Mr. McMichael, being a sportsman, was
-thoroughly conversant with wild turkey gobble; he smoothed matters over.
-He refunded the eighty-two cents from his own pocket, took the Eastern
-monarchs home with him, and afterwards secured them a bed in the coal
-cellar of the House of Correction, apologizing to them because they were
-obliged to share it with Mr. Carlyle, the English essayist.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-The Egyptian Sphynx, kindly loaned by the Khedive, also arrived in the
-morning, and was at once placed in position on Belmont Avenue. We regret
-being obliged to record the disgraceful fact, that it was entirely
-carried away in small bits by relic fiends before night. The Khedive
-immediately presented a bill of damages to the President, and levied on
-the Exhibition buildings _in toto_, the Capitol at Washington, and Mayor
-Stokley’s house on Broad Street. Happily the matter was amicably
-settled. The President promised the Khedive that Congress should have a
-new Sphynx made for him, a much better one than that destroyed, of
-bronze, and with all modern improvements. The order was subsequently
-given to Messrs. Robt. Wood & Co., of Philadelphia, and before the close
-of the Exposition they shipped to Cairo a bronze Sphynx, which will
-certainly add greatly to the attractions of the desert. We doubt not
-that the Messrs. Wood will receive orders for bronze Pyramids, provided
-they will take the old ones in part payment.
-
-[Illustration: THE MODERN SPHYNX.]
-
-[AND HIS RHYME, IT WAS CHIL-DLIKE AND BLAND.]
-
-The proprietor of the _Public Ledger_ was so pleased with the Sphynx
-which our Philadelphia firm turned out, that he immediately ordered a
-duplicate for his back garden. He also composed the following touching
-lines for the poet’s corner of his journal. A copy of them, translated
-into Egyptian characters, was sent to the Eastern potentate with the
-Sphynx:--
-
-      “Egypt had a little Sphynx,
-        It was her pride and wonder,
-      She sent it to Amerikay,
-        Where it was knocked to thunder.
-
-      This ’ffliction sore, poor Egypt bore,
-        Her grief seemed all in vain,
-      Till one as good was made by Wood,
-        And Egypt smiled again.
-
-  Gone to take the place of the
-  ORIGINAL ONE.”
-
-The great feature of the day was
-
-
-THE PROCESSION,
-
-the march from Independence Square to the Exposition grounds. We shall
-endeavor, in brief style, not to do justice to, but to give some slight
-account of the grandest pageant which any nation has yet witnessed in
-its midst.
-
-[BENJAMIN’S COAT.]
-
-The immense body, consisting of representative military from every
-nation under the sun and in the shade, was divided into two hundred and
-forty divisions, each with a commanding general and aids. General
-Joseph E. Johnston, of Georgia, was to have been Grand Marshal. His
-uncle Andrew being dead, unfortunately, he was obliged to have his only
-military coat repaired by a tailor who was not punctual, and who failed
-to express it to him in time. General Butler, of Massachusetts, however,
-who happened to have two coats with him, very kindly loaned one to
-Johnston, who appeared in the afternoon. Attached to the back of the
-loaned garment was a neat show-card, bearing this inscription--
-
-  ANOTHER BRIDGE
-  ACROSS THE
-  BLOODY CHASM.
-  THE TRIBUTE OF
-  MASSACHUSETTS
-  TO
-  GEORGIA.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-The General was lustily cheered wherever he went, and General Butler was
-the subject of more praise during this day, than during any portion of
-his life subsequent to his occupation of New Orleans.
-
-The position of honor, the First Division, was given to the Philadelphia
-regiments by a unanimous vote of the generals of divisions.
-
-Col. Hill and Dale Benson led off with his command, which appeared for
-the first time in its new uniform. The immense black fur muffs, which
-the members borrowed from their sisters and wore upon their heads, gave
-them a very ferocious appearance, though most of their noses were
-completely hidden from view. Company “C” attracted particular attention.
-It had adopted a new “hop” for marching, which was both graceful and
-unique, though evidently fatiguing.
-
-The “State Fencibles” turned out in fine style. With their accustomed
-liberality they presented arms to all the pretty girls they met on the
-way. The “City Troop” brought up the rear of the division. These
-warriors were arrayed in all their awful panoply of war--white ties and
-white kid gloves, with gold _vinaigrettes_, containing salts and
-extracts, dangling from their belts. Their horses were also supplied
-with _vinaigrettes_, which they sniffed occasionally in lieu of their
-usual odor--the smoke of battle. The Troop carried a magnificent banner,
-inscribed--
-
-  FIRST IN PEACE--FIRST IN WAR--
-  AND
-  FIRST IN THE HEARTS OF THEIR
-  ~Countrywomen~.
-
-And, on the reverse side--
-
-  PRESENTED TO THE
-  CITY TROOP OF PHILADELPHIA
-  BY THEIR
-  LADY FRIENDS AND ADMIRERS,
-  AT THEIR
-  FIRST ANNUAL PICNIC,
-  SCHUYLKILL FALLS PARK, JULY 1, 1872.
-
-The Pennsylvania Veterans, G. A. R., marched in the centre of the
-Second Division, and a moving incident occurred as they passed by the
-Mint near Broad Street.
-
-The first distinguished warrior to appear was Colonel Mann, the hero of
-~0007 fights, mounted upon the gallant steed which had borne him safely
-through them all. Along the route, his iron front proudly erect, his
-bronzed and battered features flushed with the nobility of a natural
-pride, he was greeted by the enthusiastic cheers of the assembled
-thousands. Maidens from beyond the seas--officers (no mean heroes
-themselves) from the armies of the old world, joined in the gracious
-tumult. One bald-headed veteran (a Marshal of the Windsor Castle Guards,
-who had left a leg at Balaklava, an arm at Waterloo, an eye in the
-Crimea, and who expected to distribute the rest of himself upon various
-other battle-fields before he died) turned to the Chevalier De
-Lafayette, who with Senator Sam Josephs occupied the barouche with him,
-and asked--
-
-“Who is passing, Chevalier, that the people appear so excited?”
-
-“_Quely vous motre dio_, do you really not know?” exclaimed the
-Chevalier, “Zat is, _graciosa poverisi_, zat is ze Kunel Mann,
-_pardieu_, ze great Kunel Mann.”
-
-[THE PET OF THE POPULACE.]
-
-“What!” shouted the veteran, and pulling from his coat the diamond order
-of “St. George and the Dragon fly” which blazed among an hundred others
-upon his breast, he rose in his coach and flung it gracefully to the
-Colonel, who caught it quite as gracefully upon the fly. At this moment
-a great shout arose. The populace imagined that a shot had been fired at
-the Colonel, that an attempt had been made to assassinate their pet
-hero. The mob rushed for the carriage which contained the veteran, with
-cries of “kill him,” etc. etc. The Colonel took in the situation at a
-glance. Rising in his stirrups he spread wide his arms to show he was
-uninjured.
-
-“Hold,” he shouted, in that same voice of loud and deep toned beauty
-which oft had brought the briny tears to eyes of hardened criminals in
-the dock, “Hold; he is my friend: he has given me this badge (‘Cape May
-diamonds,’ he added _sotto voce_); who touches a hair of his bald head,
-dies like a dog--march on,” he said.
-
-The cries for vengeance changed to wild cheers of joy, and the
-procession moved on.
-
-The Foreign Divisions followed the Pennsylvanians in rotation adopted by
-lot. The Caledonian club was a marked feature of the English Division
-among which it was numbered, being the only representation from
-Scotland. The members appeared in full Highland costume, kilt, sash, and
-checker-board stockings. The chiefs danced the Highland Fling all along
-the route to the inspiring strains of the regimental bagpipes. The
-company of Orangemen with their Lemon aids was also a part of this
-division; they were commanded by Col. Terrence McDougall.
-
-The brigade of French Chasseurs in the Fifth Division, commanded by
-Marshal Benzine, presented a splendid appearance, and wore the strings
-of doughnuts which were thrown around their shoulders with a truly
-fascinating French _abandon_.
-
-The “French Lancers,” in the same division, danced the quadrille named
-after them at each lamp-post along the line.
-
-A number of survivors of the late French war were carried along in Sedan
-chairs. This must have been a sad sight for Frenchmen. We are not
-Frenchmen.
-
-The German Landsturm soldiers were artistically decorated with pretzels
-and oranges. Their division was preceded by the Emperor William and his
-family, drawn in one of the ambulances of the German Hospital, the
-horses being appropriately decorated with German and American bunting.
-
-The Austrian Grenadiers (division seventy), carried a miniature hydrant,
-emblematic of temperance; also an open Bible on a velvet cushion.
-
-The Centennial managers were somewhat annoyed by the appearance in line
-of a commission from the African interior, which insisted on taking part
-in the procession, or eating the Director General. They marched along in
-their native costume, consisting of a skewer through their back hair.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-[GOSHORN’S NOBLE RESOLVE.]
-
-Of course _they_ were not aware of anything out of the way in their get
-up, but Mr. Goshorn said that rather than have the thing occur again, he
-would sacrifice himself on the altar of propriety, and be eaten. His
-brother commissioners encouraged him in this resolve.
-
-Immediately after the Foreign Divisions, came the “National Centennial
-Guards,” formed of companies from the thirteen original States. They
-were headed by Generals Grant, Sherman, Butler, and Hartranft, and were
-followed by the Centennial Commissioners in barouches.
-
-The Commissioners were paired off with foreign civil dignitaries and
-potentates. The Prince of Wales was inveigled into a carriage with two
-of our city officials: he left for home next day. Queen Victoria (his
-mother) enjoyed the society of the Chief of the Fire Department: she
-remained until the close of the Exposition.
-
-One carriage was cheered vociferously. It contained Vice-President
-Wilson, Mr. Jefferson Davis, Simon Cameron, and Robert Toombs.
-
-The American divisions, which included companies and regiments from
-every State and city in the Union, succeeded the barouches. A great many
-of these organizations brought their own bands with them, or as the
-saying is, “blew their own horns,” but many others depended upon the
-well-known musical resources of Philadelphia. They discovered that
-delays were dangerous. They had to do the best they could.
-
-The “Duquesne Greyhounds,” of Pittsburgh, were preceded by Signor
-Maccaroni’s band--two harps and a female violinist, while the
-“Charleston Fusileers” were obliged to fusileer to the strains of seven
-jews-harps, kindly volunteered by juvenile American talent.
-
-A noticeable company was the “Palmetto Guards,” of South Carolina,
-dressed in dusters and straw hats, and bearing palm-leaf fans. The
-“Ancient Artillery,” of Boston, thorough sons of guns, every man of
-them, also attracted much attention. Their step was the Boston glide.
-
-The “Norfolk Blues” and the “Virginia Carbuncles” entered upon the march
-with highly polished rifles and well filled canteens. Their rifles were
-still highly polished when the march was over.
-
-The “Seventh Regiment,” of New York, composed entirely of officers, was
-much applauded. Its discipline was apparent in its style of marching and
-the waxed moustaches of its members.
-
-The brigade of American Indians was under the command of General
-Sheridan. The warriors were conveniently and economically uniformed in
-blankets. Each chief had his initials plainly visible upon the corner of
-his blanket. By a strange coincidence, almost a fatality, the initials
-of the name of every man in the brigade were the same letters--U and S.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-[THE “LITTLE DEARS.”]
-
-The “West Point Cadets” were also in line. They made a peaceful and
-pleasing show with their little tin swords and wooden guns. They looked
-very neat too, clean faces and well-brushed hair showing that they were
-tenderly cared for. Their jackets were buttoned tight up to their necks.
-The ladies were charmed with them, and “little dears,” “sweet, ain’t
-they?” were the expressions heard on all sides. Much sympathy was
-expressed for them on account of the great length of the route--entirely
-too long for children to traverse. The cadets were to have remained
-during two weeks of the Exposition, but they got to eating unripe
-cherries from the trees in the Park, and falling into the Schuylkill
-River, so the Commissioners were compelled to send them home.
-
-The “Naval Cadets” were marshalled under Secretary Robeson. This old
-salt was arrayed as Neptune, with a trident in his hand, and a crown of
-real sea-shells upon his aged, weather-beaten brow. The cadets were
-taken care of during their stay by a file of marines.
-
-The procession started at 10 o’clock, and by two P. M. one-half of the
-main body having passed the Continental Hotel, the head of the
-procession reached Memorial Hall, while the tail was wagging here, there
-and everywhere, about the sacred shadows of Independence Hall.
-
-At Memorial Hall, amid the salvos of artillery, the pealings of bells,
-and music of the band; the hymns of the singers, and the cheering of the
-vast, innumerable multitude, the
-
-  CHAPLAIN OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE
-
-ascended the decorated pulpit.
-
-[SILENCE.]
-
-Mayor Stokley stepped forward. Tear-drops glistened in his translucent
-orbs. He raised his arm; his hand, so used to threaten and command,
-implored silence. In a single moment the firing ceased, the bells pealed
-no more; the last echoes of the hymns were carried heavenward upon the
-gentle breeze; the people ceased shouting, and a holy, solemn silence
-reigned supreme.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VI.
-
-“THE FIRE.” ... WHO FLARED AND HOW THEY DID IT.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-Amid this profound silence the Chaplain proceeded to inform the Lord for
-what purpose that great concourse of people was assembled.
-
-He intimated that as “the earth was the Lord’s and the fulness thereof,
-and as the United States of America formed a part of the earth, and its
-citizens frequently gave evidence of the fulness thereof, it was
-eminently proper that He should not be kept in ignorance of its doings.”
-
-He quoted freely from Scripture to convince his hearers that man was not
-all-powerful, but that, sooner or later, he must needs leave country,
-home, greenbacks, office, and corner lots behind him.
-
-Alluding to the nations of olden time, he aired his classical learning.
-He informed his hearers that Greece and Rome were not now exactly what
-they had been, and mentioned likewise that Romulus and Mr. Julius Cæsar
-had both been dead for some time.
-
-He also remarked upon several interesting historical facts of more
-modern date, which he seemed to think might possibly have slipped the
-memory of the angels,--namely: that a number of European countries were
-governed by potentates; that some of these had not been all that
-virtuous, peace-loving men could have wished them; that an assembly of
-individuals had pronounced freedom to be the prerogative of all
-mankind;--then, after commending Mr. Grant and his cabinet, Mr. Stokley
-and his city council, Mr. Goshorn and his associates, to the good graces
-of the heavenly host, he complimented that body on having the truest
-republic yet organized, and retired gracefully from the pulpit.
-
-The orchestra of ten thousand selected musicians then executed Haydn’s
-magnificent “Oratorio of the Creation,” after which Mr. Ulysses S.
-Grant, who as President of the United States was chairman of the
-meeting, arose and made one of his powerful and eloquent
-addresses:--“Ladies and Gentlemen,” said he, “I hope I see you well. I
-am glad to see so many of you around me on this occasion. It is a very
-pleasant occasion. Like the century plant, it blooms but once in a
-hundred years. A good many of you, who I see around me on this occasion,
-will not be around when it comes around again. I thank you, ladies and
-gentlemen, for the manner in which you have received me, and I will make
-room for a longer winded man than me. I hope you will listen to him with
-attention. I thank you again, and hope you will all enjoy the
-exhibition. Allow me to introduce to you the orator of the day, selected
-by the Centennial Executive Committee.”
-
-The building shook with the applause of the assembled multitude, and
-when the clamor had subsided, the orator began his address in a stirring
-appeal to
-
-THE GENIUS OF LIBERTY.
-
-[THE EAGLE SHRIEKS.]
-
-“Ring out, ye bells, ye harbingers of liberty, ring out! The world is
-hushed to listen to your joyful pealings,--the heavens open and swallow
-up your golden sounds! From where the sun first breaks upon Columbia’s
-slopes to where the rain-drops thunder in supernal night,--where eagles
-scream and dash their pinions ’gainst the crags and peaks which blaze in
-midday splendor,--where, rushing through the crimson sky, they swell the
-notes which drown the shrieking gale, and flashing arrows of electric
-light, piercing the groaning depths of chaos, echo beyond the shadow of
-eternal hills the cry of nature’s soul, the thrilling anthem--LIBERTY!
-
-“It is our throne--the pedestal on which our building rests! a century
-agone its bed was hollowed out by pithy arms, now resting in the dust.
-Oh sturdy hearts! Oh honest hands! Beyond the boundaries of space and
-time, where Nature’s seedlings bud, and waters gather in a mighty deep,
-to thee, to thee we look through tears we dare not hide, and glimmering
-in the phosphorescent radiance of a holy past, we cry aloud, and loud
-the answer comes. The waves dash high, the breakers roar, the bright bow
-spans the clouds above, when lo, forth springs in brilliant splendor,
-our flag--the emblem of our dearest hopes,--our pride, forth springs in
-glorious purity, our flag,--the stars and stripes,--the flag of Adams
-and his son John Quincy.”
-
-At this stage of the proceedings, four hundred ladies uttered a
-simultaneous scream and fainted. The gallant orator, descending from the
-rostrum, helped to carry and lay them upon the greensward without, where
-members of the Fire Department promptly saturated them with a portion of
-the Schuylkill River. Then, taking a hasty draught of Bowers’ Centennial
-Mead, the orator re-entered the hall and resumed his address. Not one
-of the audience had left--during the interim they had been nicely
-entertained by the Director General (always prepared for emergencies),
-who gave them a comic song and dance.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-In resuming, the orator alluded to the Garden of Eden. He explained how
-the “S” became added to the name of Adam, and drew a pleasant word
-picture of the illustrious founder of his family in his fig-tree suit.
-He spoke for two hours in an interesting manner, and concluded.
-
-The chorus then joined in the national anthem, “Pop goes the Weasel,”
-after which the
-
-POET OF THE OCCASION,
-
-[LONGFELLOW.]
-
-America’s sweetest singer, who touches with his gentle hand the
-heart-strings of the world, waking them to musical response as pure and
-truthful as his own blessed soul, stepped forward, and read his original
-poem, which will live forever, a mile-stone of the nation.
-
-The people listened with rapt attention to the words of the honored
-bard. He seemed inspired; his voice was full, and each syllable he
-uttered reached every corner of the immense building. We caught the
-words and pinned them to our note-book in phonographic characters as
-they were given birth, and we reproduce them here complete and
-unabridged.
-
-[FOREVER AND FOREVER.]
-
-A SONG IN TWO VOICES.
-
-_First Voice._
-
-  The silent horologe of time, which varies never,
-  Hath swept into the bosom of that sea
-  Pulsating ’gainst the rock “Eternity,”
-  The life-blood of an hundred years,
-        Forever and forever!
-
-  But crimson blood upon the Ocean’s wavelets, never
-  Content beneath the surface smooth to hide,
-  Will traces leave enrubying the tide,
-  Till earth in chaos disappears,
-        Forever and forever!
-
-  We gaze upon a restless sea, which quiets never,
-  And read as on a changing, moving scroll,
-  The nation’s living, cryptogamic soul,
-  Which Death’s dark lantern lights and clears,
-        Forever and forever!
-
-  They are our own, these dead we look upon, though never
-  Have we full guessed the good which passed away;
-  To know what we were losing day by day,
-  Would be, methinks, to live in tears,
-        Forever and forever!
-
-  Then listen, brothers, for my failing voice may never,
-  Be heard again throughout our fatherland;
-  And e’en the pen drops from my feeble hand,
-  As my long journey swiftly nears,
-        Forever and forever!
-
-  List while I read to you the graven tale, which never
-  May be all told by these poor lips of mine,
-  For coming ages still add line to line,
-  Till earth no longer heeds nor hears,
-        Forever and forever!
-
-_Second Voice._
-
-  Speak, speak, thou dismal guest,
-  With gloomy thoughts oppressed,
-  Speak quick and give a rest,
-        To those who hear thee:
-
-  Much pleased we’ve read the lays,
-  Writ in thy youthful days,
-  Giving no stint of praise,
-        Aiming to cheer thee.
-
-  Proud of thy fame are we;
-  Therefore most graciously,
-  For what it’s worth will thee,
-        “Our poet” christen:
-
-  Long, long will live thy verse,
-  As will, too, much that’s worse,
-  And if thou wilt be terse,
-        Brother, we’ll listen.
-
-_First Voice._
-
-  In the old colony days in London, the chief town of England,
-  In the cellar which runs to and fro ’neath the Parliament building,
-  With a pipe in his mouth and a match in his hand, made of sulphur,
-  On a keg of dry powder was seated Mr. Guy Fawkes awaiting the signal.
-  Above was King George with a sword in his hand at a table,
-  Drinking green tea, which he always had made “with a stick,”
-  While up by the urn, stood a beautiful Puritan maiden,
-  With sweet, smiling eyes like the bloom of the bluebells in summer,
-  Who opened her mouth, and with laughing lips uttered this question,--
-  “My liege, would you like just a little bit more of gunpowder?”
-  Guy Fawkes was discovered and hung, and his body was cast in the
-    Tiber,
-  King George wasn’t blown up just then--but not many years after,
-  His tea was the match which ignited the spark, and gave him some few
-    more gunpowder.
-
-_Second Voice._
-
-  Tell us not in furlong numbers,
-    What we know as well as you,
-  Though you’ve got things mixed up “somewurs.”
-    King George wasn’t Cromwell too.
-
-  Life is short and time is fleeting,
-    And we fear, if you intend
-  To go on old tales repeating,
-    We shall never reach an end.
-
-_First Voice._
-
-[ABORIGINAL POETRY]
-
-    Kajo, kajo, mudjekewiss,
-  Jeebi ishkoodah jossakeed,
-  Shinghé, shingebis shah shuh gah;
-    Chibiabo bukadawin,
-  _Wahonowin! Wahonowin!_
-  Totem totem ahkosewin,
-    Minehaha, haha, haha,
-  Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha.
-
-[FAIR COLUMBIA.]
-
-_Second Voice._
-
-  Thank you, sir.
-
-_First Voice._
-
-  Nation of our hopes and prayers,
-  Time steals by us unawares,
-  Gravestones seal our joys and cares.
-
-  We must leave thee whilst thou’rt young,
-  Whilst the bell for freedom rung,
-  Echoes still from heart to tongue:
-
-  Standing on Oppression’s tomb,
-  In thy youthful beauty’s bloom,
-  Monument of tyrants’ doom;
-
-  Gazing with a lofty pride
-  O’er thy hearthstone, boundless, wide,--
-  Oceans washing either side;
-
-  Towns and cities, hills and vales;
-  Earth with joy thy Queenship hails,
-  Seas and rivers bear thy sails!
-
-  Fair Columbia, we must go,
-  Far beyond thy oceans’ flow,
-  Far beyond thy mountains’ snow;
-
-  Other sons will ’bout thee rise,
-  Love thy blue and starlit eyes,
-  Love the white thy life flow dyes:
-
-  May their hearts’ love never leave thee,
-  May they dream no thoughts to grieve thee,
-  Never of a star bereave thee;
-
-  May the olive in thy hand
-  Spread until its branches grand
-  Shelter safely all thy land;
-
-  And as days and years are told,
-  May thy brilliant flag enfold
-  Strength which never groweth old.
-
-  May the world beneath the sun,
-  In the freedom thou hast won,
-  See a boon denied to none.
-
-  For a gift from God thou art,
-  Missioned bravely to impart
-  Sunshine to the sunless heart.
-
-This poem was telegraphed, word for word as spoken, to the “New York
-Herald,” appearing in that sheet next morning. From its columns it was
-copied, the week after, into the Philadelphia journals.
-
-After the poem, Messrs. Arbuckle and Levy, the cornetists, played “Old
-Hundred.” It proved a great success, as it had never before been
-attempted--in a horn.
-
-The Massachusetts gentleman selected for the honor, then read an essay
-by Thomas Jefferson, entitled
-
-THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.
-
-[AN APPRECIATIVE PRESIDENT.]
-
-This production was replete with witty sayings and wise aphorisms,
-doubtless very applicable to the time in which it was written, but
-somewhat obsolete and wanting in point at present. The soda-water
-fountain was much patronized during this portion of the ceremonies.
-General Grant sat it out, however, and mentioned afterwards that he
-considered it one of the finest things he had ever listened to. He
-inquired particularly concerning the author, and seemed disappointed
-when informed that he was dead. He would doubtless have enjoyed making
-Thomas a revenue inspector or an Indian commissioner.
-
-Again the combined orchestra and chorus howled forth. This time it was
-“Paddle your own Canoe.”
-
-Mr. L.Q.C. Lamar, of Mississippi,
-
-ORATOR OF THE DAY NO. 2,
-
-stepped forward. He remarked that as it was growing late he should not
-detain them long. At this, those favored ones to take part in the
-banquet concluding the ceremonies, brightened up wonderfully.
-
-The orator then proceeded to say that this was the first centennial
-celebration in which he had taken part; he therefore hoped that any
-shortcoming might be overlooked in consideration of his quick going. He
-remarked that he came from where the Mississippi wound her silvery
-length through rich green fields, by thriving towns and mighty cities;
-that he was a native of the Sunny South, those happy realms where
-nightingales tuned harmonious song and alligators sported in their
-lukewarm baths. He mentioned that this was a great country, that the sun
-rose in the East and set in the West, and that while the snow-flakes
-fell and whitened all the northern plains, the orange bloomed and gentle
-breezes blessed the southern groves.
-
-“We are but travellers here,” said he, pathetically, “and while we
-breathe the air and walk upon the earth, we have two duties which should
-command the energies of our minds, the strength of our arms, and the
-honor of our souls;--one, to our fathers, those who have gone
-before--the other to our children, those who have already come and those
-yet to come after.” Mr. Lamar did not exempt bachelors from the latter
-of these duties, but in eloquent language urged upon all the great
-mission of an American citizen.
-
-The orator continued for three hours, and ’twas only when darkness fell
-and the chambermaid came in to light the gas, that he concluded; telling
-his spell-bound listeners, that, although he had much more to say, he
-would remember his promise to be brief, and postpone the remainder of
-his address until the next centennial, hoping that in the mean time they
-would ponder well upon the truths which he had uttered.
-
-General Sherman here nudged the President, who had fallen into a gentle
-spell-bound doze, and who, awakening with a start, rose and said:--
-
-“And now, by virtue of authority in me vested, I, Ulysses S. Grant,
-President of the United States of America, do declare this Exhibition
-open for the transaction of all such business as may be legally brought
-before it.--Amen.”
-
-The musical fraction ended up with Beethoven’s Twelfth Mass, and “Little
-Brown Jug” for _encore_, and thus was the
-
-INTERNATIONAL EXPOSITION
-
-inaugurated.
-
-Through the courtesy of the Centennial Managers, we were supplied with
-copies of several odes, poems, essays, etc., forwarded to the committee
-by various distinguished authors of this and other countries, and
-rejected for reasons best known to the committee. Of these we cannot
-refrain from inserting a contribution from Lord Alfred Tennyson. It is
-in the shape of a two-act drama, entitled
-
-“GEORGE W. WASHINGTON.”
-
-[CLARA’S NEXT ROLE.]
-
-It has been pronounced by competent judges to be equal to much that
-Shakspeare did not write. It has been translated into the celestial
-tongue, and will be produced during the next century at the Theatre
-Royal, Hong Kong. We understand that Miss Clara Morris is studying the
-_role_ of G. W. Washington.
-
-ACT FIRST.
-
-  SCENE--WINTER QUARTERS AT VALLEY FORGE. _The American Army sleeping on
-  the left side of the stage. Delaware River flowing in the rear. Seven
-  42-pounders pointed towards the audience (to be discharged if they
-  leave before the curtain falls). A full regiment of cavalry ready to
-  issue R. I. E. Practicable window in flat._
-
-  THOMAS JONES, a farmer, and SAMBO, Washington’s servant, discovered.
-
-SAMBO.
-
-  You may not enter--the General snores in sleep;
-  Sweet sleep, that balm in heaven distilled,
-  Has fallen on his eyelids.
-  (Sings) _Low, galoot; speak low, galoot, or you may wake him--
-  Low, galoot, low!_
-
-FARMER JONES.
-
-  Yet listen, gentle knave; a farming man am I
-  From Jersey. Should’st open now my heart,
-  Lo, thou would’st find but two words graven on it--
-                          Trenton and whiskey!
-
-[THE PLOT THICKENS.]
-
-SAMBO.
-
-  (Sings) _Low, galoot; speak low, galoot, or you may wake him--
-  Low, galoot, low!_
-
-FARMER JONES.
-
-  The keystone of our government is shattered,
-  The Hessians are in Trenton!
-
-SAMBO.
-
-  Methinks some traitor spoke. ’Tis not yet lost.
-  Send out, send out the constables,
-  And have them all
-  Arrested. Egg Harbor is not taken yet?
-
-FARMER JONES.
-
-  (Joyously) Egg Harbor is not taken yet!
-
-SAMBO.
-
-  Then there is hope. But, hush!--he’s here!
-
-(_Washington enters through window and listens._)
-
-FARMER JONES.
-
-  Who?
-
-SAMBO.
-
-  Our General--great George Washington!
-
-FARMER JONES.
-
-  Oh!!
-
-  [_All exit. Curtain falls._
-
-ACT SECOND.
-
-  SCENE--STATE-HOUSE AT PHILADELPHIA. _Continental Congress in session,
-  John Hancock in the chair; representatives ground around; large
-  concourse of citizens in the hall; the back window open, through which
-  a view of Independence Square in flat. Procession passing with flags
-  and banners, and band of music. A political meeting in the Square;
-  also a few Indians lassooing buffalo. Eagle screams as curtain rises._
-
-  JOHN HANCOCK. Ah!
-
-  ROBERT MORRIS.Indeed!!
-
-  THOMAS JEFFERSON.Possible!!!
-
-  JOHN ADAMS.Very remarkable!!!!
-
-  [_Exit all the representatives except_ BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
-
-[GRAND DENOUEMENT.]
-
-  FIRST CITIZEN. Shall we go too?
-
-  SECOND CITIZEN. Go to!
-
-  THIRD CITIZEN. For which we should be thankful.
-
-  [_Exit all the citizens._ FRANKLIN _alone_.
-
-BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
-
-  From Jersey, New York, Delaware, and Pennsylvania,
-  Virginia, Massachusetts, and both the Carolinas,
-  These men have come who have but just gone out.
-  There’s Hopkinson, and Middleton, and Harrison,
-  And William Ellery, George Taylor, and Josiah Bartlett;
-  Morton, Walton, Joe Hewes, and Willie Hooper,
-  And many more; and I am left alone--
-  No!--here come Roger Sherman, Gerry, and George Whytte.
-
-(_Milkman sings without._)
-
-           _“Bully for you, Susie,
-              Bully for you now,
-            To go and milk the water pump,
-              ’Stead of the cow.
-            Chalk is very cheap,
-            Milk is quite a heap,
-  Healthier when diluted than it came from the cow.”_
-
-FRANKLIN.
-
-  I wish I was a milkman; methinks it is a better
-  Business than being a philosopher--
-        Ah, gentle friends, what news?
-
-(_Enter_ ROGER SHERMAN, GERRY, and GEORGE WHYTTE.)
-
-SHERMAN.
-
-  Washington has crossed the Delaware!
-
-(_Chorus outside_) [_many voices_]. “Washington forever!”
-
-GEORGE WHYTTE.
-
-  Lo, he will be our President!
-
-(_Shouts again_) [_many voices_]. “Three cheers for Washington!”
-
-GERRY.
-
-  Who knows?
-
-BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
-
-  Let us pray.
-
-(They all kneel, and the orchestra strikes up “Yankee Doodle” as the
-curtain drops.)
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VII.
-
-“THE REFLECTIONS.” ... SHADOWS, SHAPES, AND THOSE WHO MADE THEM.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-“You are standing, sir, directly upon the equator.” Our country cousin
-jumped aside in terror; his face grew white, his knees trembled, his
-hair stood on end. It was our first visit to the Main Exhibition
-Building after its opening, and he had accompanied us.
-
-“Great Heaven!” he gasped, “why did they leave it around here--is it
-dangerous?” and he backed into an Italian brigand who was strolling
-leisurely along, “it oughter be in the zoological department,” he added,
-and peered around for a glimpse of the animal.
-
-We smiled pityingly.
-
-[THE NORTH POLE REACHED AT LAST.]
-
-“The equator, our dear cousin,” said we, “is that broad chalk line
-marked across the floor of the building. It represents the centre of the
-earth. Here, take the glasses;--now observe,--that main mast or
-telegraph pole, painted white and decked with ribbons, which you see at
-the extreme end of the avenue, is a very complete _fac-simile_ of the
-North Pole. Now, turn around;--that clothes prop (kindly loaned by Mrs.
-Forney) represents the South Pole. At one end, to speak poetically, we
-have Greenland’s Icy Mountain, at the other, Mrs. Forney’s Coral Strand.
-Let us take a cursory glance of what lies between.”
-
-We do not propose to give more than the merest superficial account of
-the wonders and glories of the great display. Everywhere the eye rested
-it was dazzled with jewels, silver, splendor, and--and--so forth.
-Striped gauzes, magnificent bronzes, burnished armor, superb laces, fine
-inlaid work, unique carvings, rich and rare fancy goods, musical
-instruments, books, acres of useful articles, miles of ornamental
-productions, food, clothing, and--and--more so forth.
-
-Perhaps it would be best for the intelligent reader to imagine himself,
-or, more happily, herself, in our pleasant company, cousin and all. But
-first a word of warning to the intelligent reader. After many sleepless
-days, the managers had decided to arrange the nations in geographical
-order, as far as possible--and to leave the rest to Providence.
-Therefore the intelligent readers will do well to follow the example of
-the intelligent authors, and forgetting any geographical knowledge they
-may happen to possess, leave their rest to Providence also. They will
-spare themselves many sudden shocks and annoying perplexities. Such, for
-instance, as this: taking one avenue straight along and passing
-consecutively through Austria, South Sea Islands, Manayunk, Siam, China,
-Morocco, Beverly, Egypt, Darby, France, Switzerland, and Tipperary,
-ending up with Turkey and the Sultan ready, soap and towel in hand, to
-give the visitor a specimen of his luxurious patent bath. Or, coming
-back on the other side, to find in one long line, Germany, Sweden,
-Norway, England, Iceland, Doylestown, Ireland, British America, Media,
-and in the corner Japan, where a Mandarin and a Womandarin perform “Hari
-Kari” every day to illustrate the custom of the country,--the same
-parties, however, only appearing once in the same performance.
-
-Naturally, our own country claims our first and best attention. From
-Maine to Florida, from Boston to San Francisco, State after State, city
-after city, makes its display. In addition to the separate and peculiar
-exhibits of the States, clusters of identical interests from North,
-South, East, and West, attest the resources and development of our land.
-Let us pause for a moment and examine the display of the
-
-[POPULAR TABLEAUX.]
-
-AMERICAN BANKERS’ AND BROKERS’ ASSOCIATION,
-
-which will serve for an example of these latter.
-
-We find the credit system very cleverly demonstrated. A working man
-enters into a banking house with his month’s earnings nicely tied up in
-the corner of his handkerchief: a blandly smiling clerk, with well pared
-nails and laundried linen, receives it and notes the amount in the
-depositor’s account book;--the workingman departs. Then the proprietor
-enters, gives a portion of the money to his clerk and puts the remainder
-carefully away--in his pocket. In another apartment, the projectors of a
-railway company offer a graceful financier one-half of their beautifully
-printed stock certificates, on condition that he floats the other half.
-A widow, with the money which she has just received as insurance upon
-her husband’s life, comes upon the scene. She makes known to the banker
-her anxiety to invest this money securely for the benefit of her
-helpless family. He magnanimously spares her a portion of the railroad
-stock, charging her but a small commission for his services. With the
-balance of his stock as collateral, he borrows money from a national
-bank and makes a corner in flour. Through the window of this apartment
-there is a beautifully arranged vista, showing the banker building a
-magnificent villa and settling it upon his wife. A third compartment
-contains the closing tableaux:--a meeting of assignees declaring a
-dividend of nothing, payable in twelve, twenty-four, and thirty-six
-months, and the banker stepping on board of an A, 1, steamer, to pass
-the remainder of his life in ease and luxury among the wonders and
-beauties of the old world. In this department also, we find a collection
-of the coins of our country, at which its people look in amazement. A
-father is endeavoring to explain to his son, a boy of twelve, what these
-gold and silver pieces were once used for. It is an interesting study in
-ancient history for the lad, but he is doubting as youth is apt to be,
-and does not appear thoroughly satisfied that they were ever current
-money.
-
-We push our way rapidly through the States. Maine has her liquor law,
-charmingly framed--but we find her Commissioners in Kentucky drinking
-Kentucky lemonade. Vermont exhibits a green mountain boy; the look in
-his eye belies his color. Massachusetts presents her genealogical tree.
-Rhode Island is represented by an immense specimen of inflated bullfrog.
-New York has on hand her canal ring, blazing with diamonds. Pennsylvania
-has her Switchback. Delaware another kind of switchback--her whipping
-post, and here we delay our progress to admire hers. Great bodies move
-slowly, and the Delawareans have great bodies--but mighty little souls.
-Their “stocks” are up, however, and they don’t seem to care. We suggest
-that the Governor of the State and the members of the Legislature be
-thrashed alternately every hour, to give a general idea of the _modus
-operandi_ to foreigners. Our suggestion is not received in the spirit in
-which it is offered.
-
-But we do not succeed in completing our trip through the Union this day.
-Our country cousin brings us to a stoppage by his absurd conduct.
-
-[MISTAKEN HOSPITALITY.]
-
-One exhibitor offered him half a pound of mince meat: he devoured it. A
-Connecticut woman presented him with a small cheese, her own
-manufacture: it followed the footsteps of the meat. In Massachusetts he
-received a package of corn starch: he put it serenely where he kept his
-cheese. We looked upon him in amaze, but said nothing. A New York
-merchant handed him a small cake of transparent shaving soap. “My
-golly!” he remarked, “this beats a lunch route,” and he swallowed it
-whole. A New Jersey farmer offered him a string of dried apples: they
-went the way of his preceding receipts. A Pennsylvania matron begged him
-to try a draught of her buttermilk: he complied, and we saw him swell
-visibly before our eyes. Two ounces of Virginia Baking Powder was the
-next tribute: he winced a little at this, but--down it went. We tried to
-stop him, but too late--he just chewed a small stick of South Carolina
-stove polish, and then the baking powder accomplished its fatal mission.
-He mentioned that he did not feel very well. We expressed surprise and
-sympathy. He said he felt worse, and then he tried to smile, but alas,
-the apples lay heavy on his soul--he couldn’t. He asked if it wasn’t
-time to go home--he said it was a splendid show, but he thought he’d
-seen enough of it.
-
-“Come home,” said he, “its dinner time.”
-
-“Why,” we replied, “you’re not hungry, are you?”
-
-He didn’t answer; he turned a reproachful glance upon us. We were now in
-Georgia, and a colored man held out to him a sweet potato pudding.
-Savagely he turned upon that negro, his eyes rolled wildly, he labored
-under intense emotions, mingled emotions of cheese, soap, and baking
-powder, he uttered one long despairing yell and sank down upon the
-floor. A crowd gathered about him in a second; two or three officials
-pushed their way through the assemblage and grabbed hold of him. “The
-first case,” they cried triumphantly; “carry him to the Hospital.” They
-bore our poor cousin to the
-
-GRAND INTERNATIONAL HOSPITAL,
-
-east of the Main Building, and we followed in tears.
-
-A Turkish physician ran to meet us as we approached the structure. The
-Turks believe in radical cures--this one wanted to smother our relative
-between two feather beds. We objected. Two Chinese doctors stopped us at
-the doorway. One wanted our cousin to swallow three green lizards, the
-other recommended the immediate extraction of all his front teeth. An
-Indian medicine man here commenced dancing around us, yelling at the top
-of his voice, and banging an old tambourine with the shin-bone of an
-ass.
-
-This was nothing! When we entered the building the international
-surgeons came down upon us like--like--like “a wolf on the fold.” This
-was the first case, and they were spoiling for a job. Our cousin looked
-in their eager and varied faces, he gazed upon the assortment of cutlery
-flashing around him--his lip quivered--he closed his eyes--and fainted.
-In less than two seconds that
-
-UNFORTUNATE COUNTRYMAN
-
-would have been dissected, and the doctors engaged in mortal strife
-above his severed limbs, had not a most diabolical uproar outside
-suddenly distracted their attention.
-
-We all rushed to the grounds, and a blood-freezing scene of terror met
-our eyes.
-
-[“LONE SHIRT” ON THE CHINESE QUESTION.]
-
-Mr. Lone Shirt, Mr. Full o’ the Rye, and Man with the Seven Big Bunions,
-Esq., the Chiefs of the Indian encampment, had been illustrating their
-native customs by a sudden
-
-RAID ON THE CHINESE LAUNDRY.
-
-They had attired themselves in the napkins, towels, and nightcaps there
-contained, painted themselves with the washing blue, burnt down the
-building, and were just about finishing up things by scalping the
-startled celestials when we burst out upon them. The Chinese doctors
-took one glance at affairs, swallowed their lizards, and jumped into the
-lake north of Machinery Hall.
-
-The Exhibition Military, led by the Marine Cavalry, hurried towards the
-fearful scene. Would they be in time? The tomahawks of the Indians were
-raised, their hands grasped firmly the pigtails of their victims--when
-suddenly--behold!--The savages grew rigid as though turned to stone,
-motionless they stood with tomahawks still elevated, their hands still
-pigtailentwisted--Oh providential chance!--They had swallowed the
-starch contained in the laundry, and this stiffening was the fortuitous
-result.
-
-The managers released the half dead Chinamen, and pointed out to Messrs.
-Lone Shirt, Full o’ the Rye, and Man with the Seven Big Bunions, the
-impropriety of their conduct. When the chieftains thawed limber, they
-promised solemnly not to repeat anything of the kind, and smoked the
-liberty bell pipe with the laundrymen.
-
-This incident saved our cousin’s life. When we returned to the hospital,
-he had vanished, much to the sorrow and chagrin of the disappointed
-M.D.’s.
-
-We did not feel like returning to the Main Hall immediately after this.
-We thought a stroll through Memorial Hall might be soothing to our
-system, and so we took it.
-
-Philadelphians familiar with that
-
-CHAMBER OF HORRORS
-
-in old Fairmount Park, which the Park Commissioners persist in styling
-an Art Gallery, have been bred up to a proper appreciation of the
-“pageant which rose like an exhalation” before our admiring eyes; upon
-others, especially foreigners, the effect must have been tremendous.
-
-It is not our intention to criticize the pictures separately, or to draw
-invidious comparisons between the work of our own and other artists.
-Courtesy to our late visitors forbids it; and besides, the national
-peace must be preserved at any cost. We must admit, however, that it
-struck us that a number of the paintings might have been improved by a
-liberal paring at the nails from which they were suspended. Some of the
-Italian sketches looked to us as though they had been painted with
-raspberry jam. The _chiara oscura_ effect, so to speak, was visibly
-heightened by the tone of the sombre shades, and the clever intermixture
-of the mediæval style with the ante-Raphaelite touches--the extreme
-fulness of the light and motion, and the mellowness of tint, produced,
-as it were, in the minds of _connoisseurs_ like ourselves, the
-comparison which we have made.
-
-Artists, like fishes, go in schools. Masters, pupils, janitors, scrapers
-out, and pot boilers. They were all well represented, Flemish, Dutch,
-Italian, French, and American schools making the most extensive report.
-We will mention a few of the biggest paintings in the handsomest frames.
-
-[“MURILLO AND RUBENS--PAINTING AND GLAZING.”]
-
-Mr. Murillo, a Spanish painter and glazier, sent--in addition to his
-famous “Madonna”--“The Parable of the Seven fat and Seven lean Cows.”
-This was a six-foot-square job. The seven fats were done in oil--the
-leans in water-colors.
-
-Rubens was represented by a magnificent head of “Vasco De Gama;”--his
-feet were too large to frame. The likeness was excellent. Even a
-stranger, unacquainted with Mr. De Gama, could have recognized it at
-once--by the name in the corner.
-
-A fine painting of Marat, executed by Miss Corday, was the biggest
-little gem in the French collection.
-
-France also sent some sacred paintings, among them “St. Anthony’s
-Temptation” and “St. Vitus’ Dance.” Great Britain also had two sacred
-companion pieces--“Christ before the Priest” and “Christ after the
-Priest.”
-
-In the American Department, a superb work entitled “The Salary,”
-appealed most directly to our feelings. It could not have been drawn
-with more ease by a Vandyke or Paganini.
-
-“Wm. Penn treating the Indians” occupied a prominent corner.
-
-“The Empty Jug” was a pathetic masterpiece, a subject which came
-directly home to the hearts of many who looked upon it.
-
-For square inches and lavish extravagance in paint, “The Norsemen
-landing at Vineland, New Jersey,” deserved a prize.
-
-Scores of virgins of all styles and sizes adorned the walls. Virgins
-clad in every costume worth mentioning, and a great many not worth
-mentioning. They were consigned by the Angelo Factory at Rome.
-
-The sign and fence painters of the United States school made a very fine
-display.
-
-Rothermel had his patent “S. T. 1860 X.” beautifully done in white-wash
-on the south wall of the building, and Moran, who pays more attention to
-marine work, had “Sea-weed Tonic” tenderly drawn in blue and gold.
-Bierstadt, the architect, sent a plan for a model brewery.
-
-We felt so completely soothed after seeing this much that we didn’t
-enter the statuary department. We left that for another day, and jumping
-on a horse-car we made our way over to
-
-MACHINERY HALL.
-
-Imagine all the machinery the world contains in motion at the same time,
-and add about five million more machines to that. This will bring you as
-near the truth as this volume ventures to approach.
-
-Fire, smoke, sweat, and labor; whirring and whizzing, banging and
-clanging, pounding and puffing, tinkling and jingling. One would think
-there were seventy thousand horses at work instead of the forty we have
-mentioned. Everything is being manufactured here--from a tooth-brush to
-a locomotive; from a latch-key to a wash-boiler. Each workman at a
-machine is attended by another man placed there expressly to answer
-questions and be interrogated by visitors. These latter men are carried
-away and revived every hour.
-
-The famous individual who took a prize at the Paris Exposition, is here
-with his wonderful machine. You give him a live rabbit, and in fifty
-minutes he returns you a felt hat and a Welsh stew.
-
-[THE UNDERLAND ROUTE.]
-
-Keeley’s Motor was set up here a few days previous to the opening of the
-Exhibition, but somehow the machine got loose and knocked things into
-splinters. It dashed through the main entrance, got on the track of the
-Market Street cars, rushed clean down to the foot of Market Street,
-destroying everything in its way, and plunged into the Delaware River
-just eight seconds after leaving Machinery Hall. Workmen were put at
-dredging for it immediately, and before they gave up hope of recovering
-it, a telegram was received from Pekin, saying that it had passed
-through the Emperor’s palace, carrying the roof with it, and vanishing
-into space. From the hour telegraphed as the time of this occurrence,
-it was calculated that the machine landed in China just nineteen minutes
-after it left Elm Avenue. Mr. Keeley ascribed the cause of this freak to
-one drop of water too much, being in the reservoir.
-
-There was another sort of motor on exhibition, however, which seemed
-especially attractive and novel to the boys. It consisted of nine strips
-of leather attached to a wooden handle.
-
-The improved hotel front-tooth-picker was an object of attention in the
-American department, as was also the automatic hen for laying egg
-plants.
-
-The patent American awning post rest, a neat pair of extended arms to
-support a reclining form, was much remarked; and a patent range,
-“warranted to save half the coal,” was very well spoken of: you buy two
-of them and you require no fuel at all.
-
-Herring’s Hay Making Machine, for making hay in cloudy weather, and
-Rollin’s improved Iron Pump, for the use of newspaper reporters, also
-deserve mention.
-
-[THE INVENTION OF THE AGE.]
-
-In naming this pump to be used by interviewers, we must not forget an
-ingenious little instrument invented expressly for the protection of the
-parties interviewed. It is a silver-plated contrivance, which may be
-readily fastened to the bottom of any chair. The interviewer is invited
-to take a seat. At his first impertinent remark, a little knob is
-touched and a flat implement shaped like a No. 22 foot, begins bouncing
-up and down at the rate of seventy bumps a minute, and before the
-reporter knows what has happened, the top of his head is interviewing
-the ceiling of the room.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-When he comes down to see what’s the matter, this implement follows him
-to the door, accelerates his progress down stairs, and giving him a
-parting bump on the sidewalk, shuts the front door and hops up stairs
-again. The papers pooh-poohed this contrivance, but it gained a first
-prize nevertheless.
-
-A French apparatus for winding silk out of cocoons was also truly
-wonderful. While the cocoons are serenely enjoying their dinner or
-dreaming of the pains and pleasures of the world, a huge bobbin is
-quietly unravelling their interior department. They don’t know what has
-been going on till they turn around and see the silk dress which has
-been stolen from them.
-
-We stopped for a moment before a condensed baker, and saw crackers and
-biscuit baked, buttered, and eaten by steam. This made us think of
-lunch. We selected the American Restaurant from the many within the
-inclosure, and entered.
-
-We were politely handed chairs and a bill of fare. The chairs were
-low,--the bill must have been made out on the top of Sawyer’s
-Observatory, there was no other way to get it so high. The list was
-printed in three languages, and the customer was expected to pay in half
-a dozen languages, though only allowed to eat in an a b c. We drank a
-cup of tea, ate a biscuit, looked at the _Beefsteak à la mode de Paris_,
-and the _Potatoes fricasse haute nouveate_, sighed, and left our watches
-in pledge, while we sallied out to try to raise the amount of our bill
-on our life insurance.
-
-After completing this negotiation at the International Insurance Bureau,
-we started for the Horticultural Building, but the
-
-MODEL CEMETERY
-
-which we were obliged to pass, suited the state of our feelings so well
-that we paused to examine it.--We soliloquized:--
-
-[THE UNDERTAKER’S DRUMMER--A DEAD BEAT.]
-
-“In the midst of death we are in life,” said we originally,--“oh death,
-sweet death, in the midst of all this life are we reminded of thee;--in
-the excitement and the turmoil thy quietness is here. Lo, the labor of
-man’s hand and the production of man’s mind we find about us,--we look,
-we wonder, we admire, but what, what are these hands and minds to thee?
-Nothing; nothing save the dust which in thy mill----” We were
-interrupted by a gentleman who approached us and invited us to invest in
-one of his patent coffins. He had any number of testimonials from
-parties who had used them, stating that under no consideration would
-they use any other. He said we might try one, and if we didn’t like it
-we needn’t feel compelled to keep it. He seemed very anxious to discover
-whether we had any sickly relatives. He took us through the undertaker’s
-department; showed us shrouds, sombre trappings, gold and silver
-trimmings, rosewood caskets, all the paraphernalia for a pleasant and
-comfortable send off. He escorted us through the marble yard, mentioned
-what kind of a tombstone he thought would best suit our condition,
-quoted verses of poetry which he thought would make suitable
-inscriptions, and was really so attentive and persistent that the truth
-dawned upon us at last;--he was placed there to talk visitors to death
-and brisken up business for the exhibitors.
-
-HE EARNED HIS SALARY,
-
-whatever it was. He explained the system of cremation, and told us if
-we had any old aunts or grandmothers about the house to bring them down
-and he would take pleasure in demonstrating its beauties practically. He
-induced us to purchase three or four little coffins made from the wood
-in Independence Hall, to be worn as watch charms;--“very sensible
-mementos of the occasion,” said he.
-
-It was by an almost superhuman effort that we broke from him at
-last,--we barely saved our lives,--that is all--we walked off a few
-yards and then--oh, intelligent reader, let us draw the veil!--we
-ourselves were carried to the Hospital.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER VIII.
-
-“THE GLOW.” ... WHO HELPED AND WHO ENJOYED IT.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-We remained in the hospital three days. We did not die. Unfortunately
-for the purchasers of this work and our friend of the model cemetery, we
-_would_ not die in Spring time. We were discharged on account of the
-crowded state of the institution. Visitors were beginning to discover
-that free board might be obtained, by stratagem, at the hospital, and
-the result was that a large proportion of our foreign guests found this
-climate very unhealthy. The doctors were cutting, dosing, and
-blistering, to their hearts’ content.
-
-We re-entered the grounds with the intention of resuming our inspection
-where we had discontinued it, but we were subjected to a severe nervous
-shock the very morning of our reappearance.
-
-[HOKEE POKEE WINKEE FUM.]
-
-The bones of two waiters from one of the restaurants, had been
-discovered in the bath-room of the Sandwich Island Commissioners, picked
-clean. The gentlemen of the legation had entrapped these unsuspecting
-servitors, plunged them into hot water, boiled them red as lobsters, and
-then made a little feast of them, a reminder of their national banquets.
-After feeding upon the poor unfortunates, they strewed their bones about
-the apartment without the slightest regard for neatness or decency.
-Grief-stricken relatives recognized the remains by two false teeth and
-a glass eye which had not been consumed, and two weeping widows gathered
-up the bones, while five sobbing orphans scrubbed the floor clean. Our
-government immediately informed the court at Hawaii of this indiscretion
-on the part of its representatives, hinting that any repetition in the
-same quarter would be considered a gross breach of international
-etiquette.
-
-This incident so affected us that we at once applied for readmission to
-the hospital. It was refused us, and we were obliged to lay off for two
-days at our boarding house. When we started out again we proceeded at
-once to
-
-AGRICULTURAL HALL.
-
-Our early progenitors having been tillers of the soil, the agricultural
-display brought to mind the days of our youth and “the old tabby cat
-that we threw in the well.” The turnips reminded us of the warm pressure
-of a parent’s hand; the early apples caused our thoughts to wander to
-the big peppermint bottle in the kitchen cupboard; in looking upon the
-luscious ox-heart cherries, we could imagine the bark of our neighbor’s
-dog; the parsnips brought to mind the face of our ancient
-school-mistress, the beets recalled to us her blessed ratan, and the
-sight of the onions finished up things by bringing tears to our eyes.
-
-In addition to productions of the soil, this department contained
-much of the field machinery for which America is so justly
-famous--agricultural implements, from an oyster knife to a haywagon;
-farm stock, from a potato bug to a prize ox; kitchen garden
-preparations, from a rhubarb pie to a paregoric dumpling.
-
-[DOING THE TROPICS.]
-
-The building was divided into tropics. At one end the tropic of Cancer,
-named in honor of an American disease; at the other, the tropic of
-Capricorn, a cereal indigenous to our soil. The other seven tropics were
-sprinkled between, at regular intervals. The live stock exhibit,
-belonging to this portion of the Exposition, was most interesting.
-Little piggy-wiggies with their tails neatly tied in red, white, and
-blue ribbon; representatives of turkey and shanghai amicably sharing the
-same Indian meal; horses eating out of silver plated fodder boxes; colts
-chewing at rosewood hitching posts; animated mutton chops and undevilled
-kidneys calculated to make an epicure’s mouth water; goats, cows,
-calves, heifers, and most rare of all, real, genuine, spring chickens,
-the very sort which the poet has so touchingly described in his sweet
-lines
-
-  “You may fricassee, roast them, or stew, as you will,
-  But the scent of the egg shell will cling round them still.”
-
-There was also connected with this department an aviary, containing
-specimens of agricultural birds, from a bee to an ostrich.
-
-A little corner given up to old women and their herbs was so suggestive
-as to be painful; we steered clear of it and endeavored to rid our
-olfactories of the remembrance of catnip and senna, by hieing us to the
-birds, flowers, perfumes, and fountains of Horticultural Hall. On our
-way thither we passed
-
-THE WOMEN’S DEPARTMENT.
-
-[UNWARRANTED LIBERTIES.]
-
-We became aware of our approach to this sacred locality, by the
-Sabbath-like stillness which marked the vicinity. Into the pavilions no
-male foot was allowed to tread. The sides were of glass, and tickets
-merely conferred the privilege of looking through the transparent
-surface. We hinted in the preceding pages at some trouble concerning the
-erection of this building, and the ladies in a spirit of refined
-sarcasm, had made it a monument of man’s tyranny by building the wooden
-and iron work of broken broom handles, twisted pokers, and ruptured fire
-shovels. The cement was mixed with handfuls of short human hair of
-variegated colors and various degrees of fineness.
-
-Women from all parts of the world were here on exhibition. All colors,
-nationalities, styles, and complexions, were properly classified and
-arranged within their respective departments. Each woman was ticketed
-with a fancy label, on which was inscribed her name, age, nativity,
-weight, prominent qualities and general record. With a few exceptions in
-the Asiatic and African avenues, the women were ticketed
-
-  “These Goods Not For Sale.”
-
-In the American District, there were some few notices such as
-
-  “Applying for a Divorce,
-
-  “Four months’ Widow,”
-
-  “Open for Negotiations.”
-
-The greatest order and most systematic detail was everywhere observable.
-Each age, from eighteen to eighty years, had a separate district. Those
-exceeding the latter age were carefully packed away in the sub-cellar.
-
-Electric wires being attached to each department, General Hawley sat
-comfortably in his office, and as he touched the springs, the women
-smiled, frowned, wept, and laughed in concert.
-
-We remained gazing upon this interesting exhibit, until we felt the
-temptation to break through the glass growing too strong for us, when we
-continued our way and entered the building sacred to Flora and Pomona,
-or in other words
-
-HORTICULTURAL HALL.
-
-Pansies and violets! Sunflowers and forget-me-nots!! Rhododendrons and
-daffodils!!! Buttercups and dahlias!!!! Never, never, never, had such a
-thing been seen before. Every plant and every flower was labelled with
-its name and peculiarity, just like the women we had left. In some cases
-this did very well, in others it did very ill. Take, for instance, a
-single section--nay, but a small portion of the section, the hyacinth
-department, and see what hurt our feelings.
-
-“AMY; dazzling carmine, large spike.”
-
-“DUCHESS OF RICHMOND; rose color; fine truss.”
-
-“MR. MACAULAY; light green, thin, large truss, watery.”
-
-“MARIA THERESA; striped; perfect form.”
-
-“MADAME DE TALLEYRAND; pure, large compact truss, extra fine bell.”
-
-“MRS. BEECHER STOWE; very showy spike.”
-
-“ANNA PAULOWNA; deep; pure white eye, large truss,” and so on.
-
-We know nothing whatever about either spike or truss, but we did not
-like this publicity of description one bit. Now, “DIEBITSCH SABALKANSKY;
-brilliant carmine, late,” nobody cares about. It makes no difference to
-anybody save his wife, whether Mr. Sabalkansky is early or late in his
-habits; but to have the heroines of our dreams, like Mrs. Beecher Stowe
-and Anna Paulowna, ticketed so slightingly, was more than we could bear
-with equanimity.
-
-We wandered for hours among the grand _Victoria Regias_, the
-sweet-scented _Heparusa longifolios_, the superb _Gloxianas_, the tiny
-_Hopdedoodle calaboosas_, and the stately _Acacias_. Fountains of
-rose-water splashed their sparkling drops among the dense and brilliant
-foliage; cataracts of soda-water scattered misty bicarbonate sprays upon
-the ornamental verdure. There were walks of shady palms, groves of
-graceful maples, African cedars, and South American vines. The hall,
-like the waist of Athen’s maid, was zone encircled. We paused for an
-instant beneath an India-rubber tree and gave full stretch to our
-imagination. We wondered what this world would be without flowers--a
-body without a soul. If the soul of man is God’s breath, the flowers are
-His smile. “Love flowers,” we said, imaginatively, to the people around
-us; “the promises of Heaven are written on their leaves. At births and
-marriages they are symbols of death, for with the fading sunlight they
-too fade; but white and pure upon the breast of the silent sleeper, ’tis
-life they typify, the life which knows no night--love flowers and teach
-your children to love them.”
-
-Thinking of flowers and children brought to mind the
-
-SWEDISH NURSERY AND KINDERGARTEN
-
-erected upon the grounds, and we resolved to visit it before nightfall.
-
-We arrived there just in time to witness a good old-time spanking in the
-Swedish style, which is the Norway of doing it also. Both the delight
-and labor afforded the two participants in the operation seemed very
-unequally divided. We heard the schoolboy yell in Swedish, however, and
-learned how Swedish nightingales were made. The Swedish scholar is
-evidently not a model, though his school-house may be. But we must admit
-that the American youth surpasses all others in mischievous precocity.
-This fact was made painfully apparent just previous to the opening of
-the exhibition, in the trial of a little boy four years of age, son of
-one of the Park Guards, for larceny. Judge Finletter occupied the bench.
-We will insert
-
-THE CASE.
-
-[YOUTHFUL DEPRAVITY.]
-
-The Park Commissioners furnish a certain quantity of old horse shoes,
-nails, and scraps of iron, semi-weekly, for the purpose of keeping the
-fountain of iron water in the Park up to the proper medicinal standard.
-This material is placed in the charge of one of the guards, and the lad
-had been in the habit of abstracting quantities of the metal and
-disposing of it, it was alleged, to the Phœnix Iron Works. This latter
-allegation is not yet proven. Should such be the fact, we must
-deploringly conclude that a large quantity of the iron used in the
-construction of the Girard Avenue Bridge was obtained from this source.
-We shall suspend judgment, however, and continue using the bridge as
-usual until the firm is heard from and the matter settled. The boy was
-hanged.
-
-We obtained permission from the Superintendent of the Kindergarten to
-relate this little incident to young Sweden. We warned him against
-having Park guards for fathers, and demonstrated the pettiness of such a
-business as selling old iron, when the very highest price to be realized
-therefrom, under the most favorable circumstances and general state of
-commerce, is half a cent a pound. The children rose in a body when we
-had concluded and passed us a vote of thanks, so we left the
-establishment in the consciousness of duty well performed, and resolved
-to send our children of the future to Sweden to be kindergartened.
-
-Next morning we started out very early, with the determination of
-proceeding at once to the Main Building to make a tour among the foreign
-exhibitors, but our progress was arrested by the most remarkable
-occurrence ever happening in a civilized country.
-
-The day previous, Alderman Carpenter, of the Central Station, had
-invited
-
-PRINCE HADJEE SADI CURRYHOTTE,
-
-[A BURNING SHAME.]
-
-cousin of the Rajah of India, to drive with him through the Park. The
-Alderman having been the recipient of much attention from crowned heads
-during his recent visit to the old world, desired to reciprocate, hence
-the invitation. Most unfortunately, however, on approaching the
-Zoological Gardens, a train of cars rattled suddenly over the
-Pennsylvania Railroad Bridge. The horses became frightened, Carpenter
-lost control of the animals, the carriage was overturned, and
-Curryhotte, falling upon his head, was killed instantly. Of course this
-occurrence caused no surprise to Philadelphians. Upsets and “accidental
-deaths” in the Park from the same cause are looked for and expected at
-least three times a week; the trouble arose from the fact that the
-Prince had his wife in this country with him. As soon as she ascertained
-that she was a widow, she resolved upon a _suttee_. She called her
-relatives and friends together and bade them get the funeral pile in
-readiness upon the
-
-“GRAND PLAZA,”
-
-where the fireworks are usually exhibited. The gentleman in charge of
-the model cemetery, already mentioned in these annals, was the only
-Caucasian informed of her intention, and he cheerfully colored his face,
-donned the flowing robes of a Brahmin, and accepted the appointment of
-Master of Ceremonies.
-
-Imagine our astonishment at coming upon this scene. The fire was
-crackling merrily away, the corpse was frizzling a beautiful brown, and
-the assembled participants were singing Hindoo hymns. The Master of
-Ceremonies was standing at the head of the flames with the widow in his
-arms. He was waiting till her husband should be nearly gone before he
-chucked her on, in order to keep up the fun as long as possible.
-
-“Stop! hold!!” we shouted, as soon as we could control enough breath to
-utter the sounds; “stop! We cannot allow any such proceedings--drop that
-woman.”
-
-[Illustration]
-
-The Master of Ceremonies turned upon us fiercely--
-
-[“WHOSE FUNERAL IS THIS?”]
-
-“Whose funeral is this?” he asked ironically, and there was a wicked
-gleam in his eye which plainly indicated that he wasn’t going to be
-defrauded of his job without a struggle. “Go on with the music,” he
-added, turning to the Hindoos, who had ceased singing at the
-interruption, and he raised the widow in his arms ready for the throw.
-Our bosoms swelled; we were about to annihilate him, when chance
-intervened to save his life. Some rumor of the contemplated ceremony had
-reached the ears of the Park Commissioners. Naturally indignant that any
-such thing should take place in the Park, without their permission being
-first asked and obtained, they now came rushing upon the ground with
-their little fire engine, closely followed by the Insurance Patrol. In
-less time than it takes to record it, the widow was wrapped up in oil
-skin blankets, the natives were howling other than hymn tunes, and the
-fire and Master of Ceremonies were both put out by well-directed streams
-of water. The latter threatened vengeance. He was the most disappointed
-man we have ever seen.
-
-Whether war with India will be the result of this interference in a
-national and religious custom, the future alone can tell. We proceeded
-upon our way, and entering the Centennial precincts, the world within
-the palings, we passed a week in inspecting the
-
-FOREIGN DEPARTMENTS.
-
-The foreign display within the Main Building was grand, that outside
-was grander still. Had our minds been one whit less strong, we should
-have been bewildered by the conglomeration.
-
-Turkish kiosks, Chinese pagodas, Japanese pavilions, Arabian tents,
-Persian bazaars, Egyptian temples, Mohammedan mosques, Gypsy
-encampments, and American drinks, enough to confuse any one. Then
-monuments, booths, fountains, and cigar stands innumerable. We will give
-one day as an example of our travels.
-
-We enter an Egyptian structure and behold an oriental barber shaving one
-of his countrymen. Egypt cannot teach us anything about shaving our
-countrymen; we do not linger here. As we leave the building a Russian
-britzska, a carriage invented especially for the use of spelling bees,
-dashes by us drawn by the very cream of Tartar steeds. We catch on
-behind until we reach a Persian bazaar. We gaze upon the long bearded
-native men, and the white shrouded native women, busily engaged in their
-national occupation of going to sleep, and become wrapped up in the
-shawls of imagination. We are aroused by a wailing outside, cries of
-grief mingled with curses and lamentations in choice Persian and gum
-Arabic. The cause of this wailing was soon made evident.
-
-LITTLE JOHNNY SHAH,
-
-heir-apparent to the throne of Persia, in a laudable thirst for
-knowledge, offered a piece of cake to one of the young lions in the
-Zoological Gardens. He wished to find out how old he was, by his teeth.
-The experiment will not affect the scientific world as much as it did
-the young Persian. That lion may still be seen picking finger-nails out
-of his teeth, and as all loyal subjects in Persia are expected to do as
-their sovereign does, a dispatch sent to Teheran announced the pleasing
-intelligence, that under the next Shah it would be the fashion to wear
-but half a finger and a thumb on the left hand. We remain awhile to
-share the grief of the stricken father and seventeen mothers, and then
-resume our pilgrimage.
-
-We pause for a moment before the French restaurant, enraptured, looking
-at the pretty girls and other dainties served up there. We decline the
-invitation of a Chinese drummer, hanging around to inveigle parties into
-the restaurant established by his country, with a long rigmarole about
-“kittens fried in castor oil,” and enter the Main Hall.
-
-[WE SEE NO SEÑORITAS.]
-
-We land in the desert of Sahara, but desert Sahara and step over to
-Spain. We look for bright-eyed señoritas, with black lace veils and
-stringless guitars; we have been educated to expect this in Spain, by
-the ladies of the “International Tea Party.” We are disappointed; we
-find a few men who look as if they had walked all the way from Madrid,
-selling wine, fruit, and olive oil. We pass through Portugal; more wine,
-fruit, and olive oil. We hop through Japan, change a ten cent note for a
-bushel of their “hard money,” and sachey on. We linger for hours in fair
-France, principally in the Paris department. We saunter through Austria,
-stopping to speak a word of complimentary encouragement to the Emperor,
-who looks a little down-hearted, evidently thinking of Vienna; then
-through Germany and Switzerland, until we reach Great Britain.
-
-She is gay and festive. She exhibits models of all her public buildings,
-among the most interesting being the tower in which Anna Bowlegs was
-decapitated. The order of this lady’s garter too is very curious, and is
-exhibited, together with her marriage certificate. The only article sold
-in this department is
-
-WINDSOR SOAP,
-
-put up in neat boxes, _fac similes_ of the castle in which its peculiar
-properties were first discovered. Victoria and the girls are faithful
-attendants at the table. They are assisted by Mr. John Bright, the
-eminent proprietor of a popular kidney disease, and also by the Chief of
-our Fire Department, who is suspiciously attentive to the oldest of the
-ladies. We end up our day’s travels in Russia. The tardy participation
-of this power was attributed in some quarters to the exertions of a Mrs.
-Catacrazy, who was offended by a Washington lady, and took this means,
-it is said, of “getting even.” Such is not the fact. The cause was,
-briefly, as follows:--
-
-PRINCE GORTSCHAKOFF
-
-[A STATE SECRET.]
-
-visited this country _incognito_ a short time ago, and of course passed
-a few days in Philadelphia. One day, leisurely walking through East
-Park, with his clay pipe in his mouth and his _shillalah_ in his hand,
-he carelessly broke a small spray of green from a bush by the wayside
-and stuck it in his hat. A careful Park guard saw him and arrested him
-at once, on a charge of malicious mischief. The Prince remonstrated in
-choice Russian. The guard, pretending not to understand him, answered in
-Chaldaic, and dragged him before Magistrate Smith. He was fined five
-dollars for destroying the shrubbery and ten dollars for speaking
-disrespectfully to a Park guard. When it was discovered who the offender
-was, Mr. Wm. M. Bunn, in his capacity as Guardian of the Poor, at once
-paid the fine. Mr. Bunn explained to the Prince what a valuable country
-this was, when a foreigner is obliged to pay five dollars for a single
-green sprig.
-
-Gortschakoff gratefully presented Mr. Bunn with the order of the “Golden
-Fleece,” and regretted that he hadn’t another to bestow upon the
-magistrate.
-
-This and this alone was the cause, and we tell it confidentially to our
-countrymen.
-
-The tardiness, however, did not materially affect either the exhibit of
-Russia or the success of the Exposition. Indeed, the French visitors
-freely asserted that the Exhibition far surpassed the Vienna fair of
-’72, and the German guests boldly declared, with a unanimous voice, its
-superiority to the Paris Exhibition of ’67.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER IX.
-
-“THE FLICKERING.” ... HOW IT DIMMED AND HOW IT BRIGHTENED.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-Father Time seemed to be the only Philadelphian who did not deviate from
-his ordinary course of life during the Exhibition months. He continued
-sowing and reaping as usual; cutting the blooming flowers from the stem
-of the year, and counting the sands which carried with them into
-oblivion, gradually but surely, exhibition, visitors, commissioners, and
-restaurant keepers. But though his children were unable to prolong a
-single passing moment, they managed to crowd into each day as much
-novelty and excitement as would ordinarily suffice for a twelvemonth,
-and they got the better of the old man in this way.
-
-To attempt a record of one tithe of the many occurrences deserving
-immortalization at our hands, would be to meet with failure as complete
-as that which attended the experiment of Mr. Charles Airy, of Georgia,
-with his flying-machine, upon the third day of June, 1876.
-
-This young man had communicated with that eminent scientist, Mayor
-Stokley, about a year previous to the attempt. The Mayor, who delights
-in encouraging genius of all kinds, promised his countenance to a trial
-trip of the machine at Philadelphia during the Centennial year.
-
-“I will go with you,” he promised, “I, myself, will ascend with you into
-the illimitable ether; together will we make the attempt, together will
-we share the glory.”
-
-This fact becoming known, Messrs. Daniel Dougherty and George Francis
-Childs, anxious to imitate so noble an example, entered their names,
-too, upon the ship’s books for the voyage. Airy was happy, and his
-happiness became delirious joy when, a week previous to the date of
-departure, he received another application worded as follows:--
-
-[SOARING GENIUS.]
-
-  “I long to soar above this world of trials. False outwardness weighs
-  upon my heart; the scent of earth smothers the zephyrean impulses of
-  my soul. Take me with you. Yon, yon, into that blissful atmospheric
-  belt where hay-fevers are unknown.
-
-  “Confidingly yours,
-  “H. W. B.”
-
-The report of the coming trial of this air-ship spread rapidly
-throughout the land. Scientific men, railroad agents, and rapid transit
-speculators arrived in flocks and examined and re-examined the various
-rods, wires, screws, governors, pistons, cogs, gauges, and cranks. The
-newspapers, too, were lavish with preparatory puffs. Fate willed,
-however, that they should not be strong enough to blow success.
-
-The machine was constructed in the shape of an American eagle with
-outstretched wings. A neat little boudoir was fitted up for passengers
-between the ribs, and a refrigerator for provisions was suspended from
-the beak.
-
-The eventful morning arrived and saw an immense concourse of people at
-the foot of Sawyer’s Observatory, from the summit of which the
-experimental flight was to be made at 10 o’clock precisely. At that hour
-the inventor was on hand, attired in pink tights and spangles. A note
-was handed to him by Mr. Sawyer; he read it aloud to the assemblage--
-
-[HE COMETH NOT.]
-
-  “MY DEAR AIRY: I am unable to rise even from my bed, so of course
-  can’t go up with you to-day. The doctor has just examined my silvery
-  tongue, and bids me stay at home. He thinks I have been high enough
-  this week, and says, jocosely, having been on a lark I had better
-  ‘shoot the eagle.’ I lie here as I write you this note. Better luck
-  next time.
-
-  “DOUGHERTY.”
-
-Airy was disappointed, and his countenance grew longer when a second
-note quickly followed the first:--
-
-  “Sad and broken are my spirits. I am out of heart to-day, for my hope
-  of flying with you has itself just flown away. My young man has left
-  the office, gone to meet his brother Jim, I must take the
-  advertisements, hitherto received by him. Were I not tied to my
-  Ledger--free upon my native wilds, naught but death could keep me from
-  you.
-
-  “Ever yours,
-  “GEORGE FRANCIS CHILDS.”
-
-“Never mind,” sighed Airy, “as long as Stokley sticks by me, I don’t
-care.” But alas, the hour for starting came and passed, and Stokley put
-in no appearance. Another hour winged its silent flight, and the people
-below grew impatient. Thirty minutes more, and the Mayor was still among
-the wanting. Twelve o’clock pealed simultaneously from the restaurant
-clocks, always half an hour fast, and the inventor had sadly made up his
-mind to start alone, when a figure waving a red handkerchief appeared
-upon the brow of George’s Hill. “Ah,” shouted Airy, “Stokley at last--I
-knew he’d come.”
-
-The figure hurried on, but soon those upon the Observatory could see
-that it was not the Mayor. ’Twas a more ponderous form, bare-headed,
-with a wealth of silver locks floating in the wind.
-
-“Wait for me,” it cried, “oh wait for me, I pray!” and ten minutes later
-the great Plymouth preacher stood grasping Airy by the hand.
-
-“Let smiles, like summer buds, adorn the pastures of thy face--I’m
-here!”
-
-There was a bustle in the crowd, and the people cheered and cheered
-again, when it became evident that the wonderful machine was soon to
-move. The passenger was handed into the boudoir, and the inventor,
-getting astride of the metallic bird, tucked his coat tails beneath its
-sacred wings. The excitement below was intense.
-
-“I will wait five minutes more for Stokley,” said Mr. Airy; “he will be
-so disappointed if he finds I have started without him.”
-
-Suddenly the telegraphic wires attached to the bird’s tail began to
-work;--a message from Stokley at last.
-
-“Can’t come; wife won’t let me--_bon voyage_--Bill.”
-
-“Let go the ropes,” shouted Airy.
-
-The strings were cut from the eagle’s talons, and the great machine with
-a rush and a flutter, rose majestically five hundred feet in the air,
-and--majestically staid there. Then the intrepid rider began hunting for
-the screw designed to effect a downward motion, and the passenger in the
-boudoir began to look pale and anxious. The crowd below saw a little man
-frantically jerking at wires and springs, turning screws and varying
-gauges, and a metallic eagle stationery in the air above them.
-
-[YE GALLANT TAR AND HIS MORTAR.]
-
-The inventor’s exertions were in vain; the machine wouldn’t go up and
-wouldn’t come down. There hung the noble bird with its noble freight,
-like Mahomet’s coffin, ’twixt earth and heaven. Night fell and the eagle
-didn’t. The pale moon rose up slowly and calmly, she looked down, and
-her man seemed to be laughing at the unfortunate aeronauts. A week
-passed, and the refrigerator being empty, it was dropped from the bird’s
-beak in the hope of effecting a change of position;--but all in vain.
-That machine became an object of exclusive interest, and hundreds of
-plans were devised for reaching it, but without avail. Mortars were
-brought from the Navy Yard and provisions were shot up to the inventor,
-and bouquets and slippers to his companion. A loaf of rye bread hit the
-proud American eagle in the eye, and a veal cutlet knocked out the
-passenger’s front teeth. On the twelfth day of their elevation, a rope
-two miles long, manufactured expressly for the purpose, was tied around
-the body of a young porker. Piggy was then shot up from a mortar aimed
-by Mr. A. E. Borie, whose experience as Secretary of the Navy made him
-best fitted for the delicate and important task. The choice was well
-made; the porker landed in the passenger’s lap and was clasped to his
-bosom in a convulsive embrace. Then a discussion arose in the air ship
-as to which of the twain should be first lowered. A penny was tossed,
-and of course the passenger won. The haggard inventor sighed and
-submitted to the decree of fate. But the moment the great preacher was
-out of the machine, while he yet dangled in air, it collapsed, and
-before the pitying and astounded crowd could utter the cry which rose to
-its lips, the wonderful aerial ship was a ton of old metal and straps,
-strewed about the Centennial grounds. The passenger came down, as he
-does all things, gracefully, and was caught in the outstretched arms of
-a delegation of his flock. Mr. Airy was shipped back to Georgia in
-sunburnt sections, just as he was found, a leg to-day, a thumb
-to-morrow, and a nose next week. They were still receiving small
-consignments of him at headquarters at last accounts. Coroner’s
-verdict:--“Too much gas in the balloon to allow it to come down, and not
-enough to carry it up higher.”
-
-This failure cast a gloom over the exhibition, which was not dispelled
-until the 21st day of the month, when the great “cricket match” was
-inaugurated.
-
-This was an interesting occasion, long anticipated in sporting circles.
-The celebrated “Newhall Eleven” was to be pitted against the “All Comers
-Eleven,” for the championship of America, a silver belt and a tin water
-vessel in the shape of a pocket flask.
-
-The game was called at five o’clock in the morning, upon the
-International cricket ground in the rear of Horticultural Hall. The
-“Newhall Eleven” was sent to the bat, Hen and Bill having charge of the
-wickets, with Herb Meade and Pop Beer attending to the bowls.
-
-[SINGLES, DOUBLES, AND TRIPLETS.]
-
-Henry began by drawing his leg for one, and continued this surgical
-operation by drawing his arm for another one, which made two. Bill
-started off and lost his stump, which was picked up by Pop Beer, who
-regretted to find it out. Pete Newhall then came in. By a hit to square
-leg he made four, and by a miss to round leg, six. The game now became
-exciting. Three leg bails and two leg byes were scored on Herb Meade,
-who after following with two wides and one narrow, was relieved by Joe
-Large. He began with a maiden who brought in a single, double, and
-triplets in quick succession. Hen Newhall was caught out by Beer, and
-his brother Tim came to the scratch confident and fresh as a daisy. He
-gave evidence of careful training, and got in a good cut with his pocket
-knife. He followed this with a drive through the park, after which
-several more maidens were gallantly picked up by Messrs. Outerbridge and
-Wirebridge, when, the crowd being asleep, the continuation of the game
-was postponed until the next day.
-
-Tim Newhall retired gracefully on a squirmer, and Ike came in on a
-check, opening with a splendid hit under the ropes beyond the bottle
-holder, scoring four. Joe Large here burnt his fingers on a hot liner,
-and Ike, by a hit between long leg and short leg, scored another two.
-The bowlers were then changed for Messrs. Caldwell and Calledill, and
-the game proceeded.
-
-The Newhall Eleven continued gallivanting among maidens and wides and
-byes, until they had scored 202, when the selected eleven went in. They
-could do nothing, however, against the heavy Newhall bowling. Large,
-Small, and Medium went out in one, two, three, order. Caldwell caught a
-ball between his teeth and held it there while he made twenty-three
-runs, winning the tin flask for the best individual score, but beyond
-this the play was weak.
-
-We shall not attempt a chemical analysis of the bowling, but merely give
-the following record of runs, which contains all that is historical--the
-result.
-
-“_Newhall Eleven._”
-
-                     RUNS.
-  George Newhall      20
-  Sam. Newhall        19
-  Hen Newhall         18
-  Bill Newhall        17
-  Ike Newhall         18
-  Tim Newhall         19
-  Pete Newhall        18
-  Bob Newhall         19
-  Dave Newhall        17
-  Ed. Newhall         17
-  Oldhall himself     20
-                     ---
-      Total          202
-
-“_Selected Eleven._”
-
-                     RUNS.
-  Joseph Large         0
-  Ephraim Small        0
-  Manassah Medium      0
-  John Outerbridge    15
-  Jim Innerbridge     14
-  Fred Wirebridge     13
-  Herb Meade           5
-  Pop Beer             4
-  Jake Caldwell       23
-  Moe Calledill       11
-  Abe Rooster          2
-                     ---
-      Total           87
-
-In compliance with the request of the Executive Committee, this was the
-only inning played. Too many foreign visitors lost their fortunes in
-betting to admit of a continuance.
-
-The day after this match things looked gloomy again. The Philadelphia
-Rifle Club, designing to take part in the International Shooting Match
-in September, went out to the Park to practise, taking the shield-like
-boards containing the Park Regulations for targets. In seven minutes
-four little children were shot dead. ’Tis true they were very little
-children, and their parents had plenty more of the same kind at home;
-still the occurrence was unpleasant. Fortunately the Park Commissioners
-interfered with this mode of practising before any of the sign-boards
-had been injured.
-
-[THE DIN OF WAR.]
-
-An American Camp Meeting and a Mock Battle were the other principal
-novelties which filled out the programme of the week. We stayed away
-from the camp-meeting on principle--they kept perpetually passing the
-contribution box, so of course we know nothing of it, and were not
-benefited by it. The mock battle, however, was entirely in our line. We
-come from old Revolutionary stock. The powder box is among our earliest
-recollections, and we cut our first teeth on bullets. A really
-first-class mock battle thrills us to the core. We are ready to look on
-at any time.
-
-The militia encamped in the vicinity of Belmont, and formed during some
-months of the Exposition, a most attractive feature. The boys, in neat
-white tents, with carpeted floors, walnut furniture, and spring-chicken
-breakfasts, endured all the luxuries of real camp-life. They were
-compelled to rise at eight o’clock every morning, black their boots,
-brush their hair, and prepare to meet their lady friends. At 2 P. M. the
-roll was called, and every man was required to report for dinner; after
-which, the army drove around the Park in carriages supplied by the
-Commissioners. Foreign commanders of all grades and nationalities
-pronounced them the cleanest, neatest, jauntiest lot of heroes they had
-ever seen. Small wonder that the boys wanted a fight!
-
-The battle was to be followed by a hop. Special invitations by Dreka, on
-tinted paper adorned with suitable monograms, were sent to the lady
-acquaintances of the warriors taking part. The ground was well sprinkled
-with saw-dust for the convenience and protection of the dying and the
-dead.
-
-[THE COMBAT DEEPENS--ON, YE BRAVES!]
-
-At eight A. M., the boys having risen an hour earlier than usual, Col.
-R. Dale Benson entered the ring and rode around it three times at
-break-neck speed, amid the tremendous plaudits of a tremendous crowd. In
-one hand he carried the stars and stripes; in the other, his unsheathed
-sword. His horse’s bridle he held between his teeth. With a final “HOUP
-LA,” he vanished behind the screen. General Wagner, who commanded the
-opposing party, then rode in, bowed to the audience, and placed a chip
-of wood on his left shoulder. Benson returned, minus the flag, and
-boldly knocked the chip off. This was the signal for the fray. Drums
-were beat, trumpets sounded; the crowd applauded, children shrieked,
-women fainted, and amid all the din,--
-
-  “Forth from the canvas tent,
-  Marched the First Regiment,”
-
-while from the opposite side of the field, the Second Regiment and the
-Jersey Blues approached, preceded by the West Point Drum Corps. Around
-from the left wing, cautiously moving forward, came the Keystone
-Battery, each swarthy gunner with a camelia in his button-hole, while
-the City Troop, bouncing upon their martial steeds, came gaily from the
-right. Suddenly their captain, Rogers, rushed to the centre of the
-arena. He waved his sword on high.
-
-“Forward, the _Light_ Brigade--Charge for the guns,” he said; and, quick
-as thought, the swarthy gunners were flying like chaff before the wind.
-
-And now broke out the dread roll of musketry, and the air was obscured
-by the terrible smoke of war. The First Regiment fired four volleys in
-quick succession, to make the smoke thick, and then fell flat to the
-ground. Meantime, the Jersey Blues dashed forward with fixed bayonets to
-recapture the battery and return it to the swarthy gunners, who were now
-distributed around various parts of the Park. The nervous excitement
-among the lookers-on became almost too great to bear. Don Carlos of
-Spain, who was on the grand stand, pulled off his coat and was only
-restrained from jumping into the ring through the exertions of General
-Grant, whose own pulse was beating high.
-
-The smoke cleared away, and then leapt into the _mêlée_ the star of the
-entertainment, General Philip Sheridan, standing erect upon his
-bare-backed steed. Shout upon shout greeted his appearance, and it was
-fully five minutes before the audience would allow the battle to
-proceed.
-
-[WHOOP!]
-
-The City Troop stood immovable before the gleaming bayonets of their
-assailants; the First and Second Regiments popped away at each other
-with blank cartridges, and General Sheridan, alone in the centre of the
-field, uttered the wild blood-curdling whoop which he had learned from
-the savages, and which stands him in such good service in his married
-life. Few women could brave a whoop like that.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-Such was the position of the field, and victory seemed doubtful upon
-which banner to perch.
-
-“Surrender!” shouted the Captain of the Jersey Blues.
-
-“Never!” thundered Rogers of the Troop.
-
-“Whoop! whoop!” came thrillingly from the lungs of Sheridan.
-
-“Advance in solid square and flank them on both ends,” commanded Benson
-of the doughty First.
-
-“Open ranks, trap them into your centre and then close about them,”
-ordered Col. Neff, of the Invincible Second.
-
-“Whoop! whoop! whoop!” yelled Little Phil.
-
-“Hold one moment,” sounded a deep full voice above all the rest, the
-voice of Sherman, the umpire; “who’s to win this battle? It’s past lunch
-time and I should like the thing decided.”
-
-At the word “lunch,” a change came o’er the scene.
-
-“We surrender,” remarked Rogers.
-
-“Whoop!” shouted Sheridan for the last time, and Col. Benson, mounting
-one of the guns, crowed lustily. The warriors, covered with sawdust and
-glory, then mingled with the crowd; and when we left the ladies were
-busily engaged brushing the former from the uniforms of their favorites,
-who were modestly receiving the latter in the congratulations of all
-around them.
-
-We didn’t wait for the hop, but learned that it was as satisfactory as
-the military display.
-
-And so passed the time until that day of days, the Fourth of July, 1876.
-One hundred thousand Americans, who had not taken part in their
-country’s first birth-day celebration, resolved to atone for that
-neglect upon this occasion. Statues were to be unveiled, fountains
-dedicated, salutes fired, and fireworks exploded. An enthusiastic
-astronomer predicted that the sun would rise an hour earlier than the
-regulation time for the season upon this great day and his augury proved
-correct.
-
-At four o’clock A. M. the Mayor of the city, who, with the members of
-Councils, had slept upon the grounds, entered the Main Exhibition Hall,
-read a few chapters of the Bible from the top of the southeastern tower,
-and finished up with his usual proclamation forbidding the firing of
-guns and pistols other than those specially ordered for the salutes. A
-selected choir of mysterious pilgrims then sang a choice collection of
-hymns.
-
-At the conclusion of this religious exercise, free lunch and forty
-thousand loaves of bread were distributed from the steps of Memorial
-Hall. It was an imposing sight to behold the long line of visitors, who
-were living here on the European plan, with their tin-pails and baskets,
-waiting for the loaves and soup.
-
-[A GOOD TURN.]
-
-At seven o’clock the Liquor Dealers’ Protective Union proceeded to the
-Catholic Temperance Fountain, and dedicated the same with appropriate
-ceremonies. The president of the T. A. B.’s turned on the cock, and for
-the first half hour the magnificent fountain spouted sparkling streams
-of golden whisky, generously supplied as a pleasant surprise by the
-Protective Union.
-
-The statue of Christopher Columbus, the jolly salt previously mentioned
-in this history, was next to be unveiled. It was serenaded by an
-orchestra of eighty hand-organs, after which the Italian societies and
-citizens were addressed in their native tongue by the Italian Minister
-to the United States. He commenced, naturally, with a glowing eulogy
-upon his immortal countryman--
-
-“Sono rare e fugaci le occasioni grandi, ed è pudenza e magnanimita,
-quando si offeriscono, l’accettarle,” said he, “and the noble man, whose
-statue reared by loving hands now stands beneath that veil, took his
-tide at its flood. Ill mondo è un bel libro, ma poco serve a chi non lo
-sa leggere, but ’twas a book which was plain to him, a book which he had
-read, an open page which he had studied.
-
-“Ill sangue nobile è un accidente della fortuna; le azioni nobili
-carratterizzano il grande. No title greeted his coming to the world, but
-he left at his exit a name which still lives freshly on every tongue,
-while hundreds of potentates and their titles are forever buried in
-oblivion. Raise, raise the veil and let his features smile upon us.”
-
-Amid cheers and _vivas_, the veil was raised; when lo--the committee had
-made a mistake, and instead of Columbus, the statue of Religious Liberty
-erected by the Jewish order of _B’nai B’rith_ was exposed to view. The
-Italian minister was disgusted, and so were the Jewish lodges when they
-arrived and found their statue already unveiled. They arranged matters
-amicably, however, and started off with the sons of sunny Italy to
-discover the great discoverer and let off their speeches at the base of
-his monument. At ten o’clock there was a grand military review, of which
-we will spare our readers the account, and at twelve precisely the
-International Concert in the open air was inaugurated with a symphony by
-twenty thousand string instruments. Most of the people thought the
-musicians were just tuning up, so of course the symphony was a success.
-At its conclusion an awful and unexpected sound startled the assemblage.
-The earth trembled, and the towering trees bent their haughty heads to
-earth. The Messrs. Krupp of Prussia, had fired off their mammoth gun. As
-soon as the report reached police headquarters, a posse under command of
-Chief Jones started for the grounds and arrested the Messrs. Krupp,
-their engineers and firemen, for violating the Mayor’s proclamation.
-They passed the remainder of the day in the cells at Fifth and Chestnut
-Streets. After the excitement caused by this proceeding had subsided,
-the concert was continued.
-
-The national hymn of each country was rendered by its native artists in
-appropriate costumes, all at the same time. The Mukdeesha Warblers from
-the Eastern shore of Africa, made the most noise; and the English
-singers in their affecting anthem “God shave the Queen,” made the most
-music.
-
-[FIREWORKS--HEREDITARY TALENT.]
-
-It was four o’clock P. M. before the last howl died on the summer air,
-and then the crowds began moving towards the “Grand Plaza.” Here the
-display of fireworks was to take place under the direction of Professor
-Jackson, son of the Professor Jackson who directed the famous fireworks
-at New Orleans some years previously. One large piece was erected in
-honor of each State in the Union, and one in honor of each Nation
-represented in the Exposition. We make a few extracts from the programme
-(printed on white satin) which was handed to each attendant at the
-“Plaza,” young and old, rich and poor.
-
-21. THE CITY OF PHILADELPHIA:--A large Quaker with broad-brimmed hat in
-blue and gold. His feet represent, respectively, Philadelphia and West
-Philadelphia, with the Schuylkill River, at white heat, flowing between.
-The tip of his hat typifies the State House steeple, and Seybert’s bell
-will ring inside while the piece is burning.
-
-40. THE EXHIBITION BUILDINGS:--Gold, silver, and currency flames, with
-violet lights in relief. The commissioners in red, white, and blue, with
-stars darting from their eyes, distributed judiciously through the
-piece.
-
-54. THE LION AND THE EAGLE LYING DOWN TOGETHER:--Symbolic of the peace
-’twixt England and America. N.B. The Eagle is inside of the Lion.
-
-72. PEARLS BEYOND PRICE:--A golden oyster opens and emits in order the
-coats of arms of the thirteen original States.
-
-84. A GOOD PUFF:--A mammoth cigar, which, shedding its outer wrapper,
-will reveal the form and features of General Grant in blue blazes.
-
-[GETTING HOME.]
-
-At 5.15 o’clock, Professor Jackson thanked the Lord that all his
-preparations were completed; at 5.20 the Lord responded with the
-heaviest shower of rain witnessed since the deluge. It exceeded Mr.
-Jackson’s usual showers, in the same proportion as this spectacular
-effort was to have exceeded his former pyrotechnic exhibitions. The
-fire-works were turned to water-works, and the crowd sadly and slowly
-worked its passage home.
-
-
-
-
-CHAPTER X.
-
-“THE SMOKE.” ... HOW IT WENT UP.
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-Sere and yellow grows the leaf in these closing pages of our volume, and
-in now recording the last doings in connection with the Exposition, we
-would have such a splendid opportunity for enlarging upon the mutability
-of mundane affairs, that we regret having neither the space nor contract
-for moralizing. We feel that we could say something striking, something
-original, something to be remembered on the reader’s deathbed, as a balm
-and consolation--but alas, prosaic publishers forbid; they will not
-allow us to inscribe words which might make death appear desirable.
-
-On the tenth day of September the charge for admission to the Exposition
-was reduced one-half for the time of its continuance. This action
-occasioned a great influx of European nobility and gentry, parties who
-had been waiting for the reduction, and the extreme capacity of the
-various steamship lines was taxed for their accommodation. Baron
-Rothschild, Baroness Burdett Coutts, and the Marquis of Lorne were among
-those who gave a new spurt of brilliancy to the affair. The poor Greeks
-came too, during these months, and their eminent countryman A. T.
-Stewart also made his first appearance upon the grounds.
-
-By this time most of the potentates had departed. We had become so used
-to affecting farewells, that the tears started voluntarily to our eyes
-whenever we chanced to hear a steamboat bell or a locomotive whistle.
-Only one of the potentates left without paying his hotel bill, a most
-gratifying fact. We refrain from mentioning his name out of
-consideration for his family.
-
-Things in general, out upon the grounds and in the buildings, began to
-look seedy, and the combined action of the Chinese and Japanese
-Commissioners, in summarily shutting up their portion of the show and
-going home, was productive of a general feeling of listlessness, a sort
-of forewarning of the end. We are sure that everything was done that
-could be done to please these pigtailed and pig-headed Celestials, but
-the fact is, the old boy himself couldn’t satisfy them. We have no
-desire to record anything harsh, but we deem it our plain duty to state
-clearly, for the vindication of our beloved country in the eyes of
-posterity, what really occasioned this sudden move.
-
-Every candid reader will admit that it could by no possibility prove an
-easy task to supply, for the many varieties of visitors of such
-different tastes and habits, a full and liberal allowance of palatable
-food, such as that to which they had been accustomed. After the episode
-of the Sandwich Island Commission which we have noted, the gentlemen of
-this delegation were given free run of the anatomical departments of
-Jefferson Medical College and the University, and the Executive
-Committee congratulated itself that they, at least, were provided for.
-And so they were. No more waiters were missed during the entire time of
-their stay. But suddenly, there was a revolution at the “Globe Hotel”
-and a mutiny at the “Transcontinental.”
-
-[GIVE ’EM RATS!]
-
-Day after day had the stewards of these hotels scoured the Callowhill
-Street, the Spring Garden Street, the Girard Avenue, and _all_ the city
-markets with terrier dogs and shotguns, hunting rats to be served to the
-Celestials at their establishments. Traps, too, were placed under each
-stall; in short every luxury the markets afforded in this line was
-prepared for them, and the products of thousands of private traps were
-generously donated by patriotic citizens, and yet the supply was not
-equal to the demand. Our visitors found a peculiar fascinating flavor in
-the American rat, and it became absolutely impossible to satisfy them.
-Then, too, the candles at these hostelries disappeared in a rapid and
-mysterious manner. Mysterious until one fatal Wednesday evening, when a
-Mandarin of the first rank, who was entitled to wear six swords and able
-to swallow the half dozen at once, and who consequently ought to have
-known better, was discovered with a box of penny dips under his flowing
-robes, making his way stealthily up the cellar steps at the “Globe.” The
-very same evening a great commotion was raised at the “Transcontinental”
-by the discovery of Gail Hamilton’s lapdog, stewed in kerosene oil, in
-the private chamber of the Secretary of the Chinese delegation. As might
-be expected, the visitors joined cause, braved the thing out, and
-declared that they were being starved, and were forced to this action to
-sustain life. Then, packing up their goods, they left indignantly in a
-body.
-
-[THE BATTLE OF THE MOTHERS.]
-
-Reunions and conclaves, however, and meetings of national and
-international, social, philanthropic, medical and scientific bodies,
-kept things tolerably lively, and the month of October was really
-brilliant. There was a horse show, a cattle show, a dog show, and a
-poultry show. There was to have been a baby show too. In fact, it was
-announced and arranged, but was broken up on the very day of opening by
-a terrible battle among the mothers.
-
-This battle was consequent upon the arrival of a
-
-MRS. MCDUFF,
-
-with a red-headed and cross-eyed infant.
-
-“Begurra, what are ye doin’ here? go home wid ye,” was her greeting to
-the fond mammas seated in the live-stock yard of the Pennsylvania R. R.
-Co. with their babies in their arms. “What’s the good o’ ye a sittin’
-here, compating wid me Mickey?--arrah, luk at the child and tell me
-where’s his ekul--sure there’s nary one among ye has a baby fit to go
-’longside o’ him, wid his beautiful awburn hair and the shwate smile
-atwixt his eyes--go home wid ye, go home!”
-
-And, rolling up her sleeves she improvised a war dance.
-
-After four buckets of gore had been spilled, the managers adjourned the
-exhibition, giving every survivor, without exception, a gold medal.
-Under the circumstances this was their wisest possible action.
-
-Of all the live-stock exhibitions the dog show was the most successful.
-The International Exposition would have been sadly wanting in
-completeness if the faithful companion of man had been denied a place
-and recognition within its hallowed precincts. He had a place. The R. R.
-Drove Yards were arranged in tiers, after the style of _La Scala_ at
-Milan, only, instead of accommodating but thirty-six hundred spectators,
-the drove yards accommodated, easily, as many thousands. We know of
-nothing to which this show can be likened save the dog pound in August.
-Wherever the lorgnette or opera glass was directed, spaniels, poodles,
-bloodhounds, terriers, pointers, setters, and bone-crunchers of every
-species, from the board yard mongrel who never earned an honest meal, to
-the noble St. Bernard who saves a life every morning before breakfast;
-from the lady’s pet with his golden collar, to the pugilist’s bull-dog
-with his iron chain, met the gaze and bewildered the senses. Every dog
-had his day with him, tied up in tissue paper, and it was a pleasing
-sight to notice--at a distance--the wistful eye with which many of the
-canines followed the forms of plump visitors, and the broad grin with
-which they greeted a well-developed thigh.
-
-THE INTERNATIONAL REGATTA
-
-was the last affair of prominence, save the distribution of prizes,
-directly connected with the Exposition.
-
-During the entire Spring and Summer our local boat clubs had been in
-active training, sitting on the ornamental balconies of their houses,
-smoking good cigars and telling bad jokes; but they generously vied
-with one another in the attention bestowed upon visiting clubs,
-sustaining well the reputation for hospitality usually accorded to jolly
-watermen.
-
-The 12th day of the month was the great day of the Regatta, the sports
-opening with a single scull race between the commodores of the leading
-American navies.
-
-Early in the morning Commodore Ferguson, of the Schuylkill Navy, might
-have been seen cruising up and down the river, in his flag-ship, the old
-frigate “Constitution.” In one hand he held a long stick with a hook at
-the end, which he used for fishing old boots, hats, and other
-obstructions from the stream; in the other he held a pair of opera
-glasses. These he raised now and then to his weatherbeaten eye,
-inspecting ratline, spar, spike, mast, shroud, windlass, and jib-boom of
-the fleet under his command. The fish from the river had been removed
-temporarily to the aquaria in the Zoological Gardens, and the Turbine
-wheels were reversed to pump water into the river from the reservoir, so
-that the boats might not run aground too easily. Both sides of the
-river, along the entire course, from the Steamboat landing to Rockland,
-were actually lined with spectators. Ensigns, pennants, signal flags,
-and streamers were flying from every available point, and old Sol smiled
-down graciously from above, with his time honored face newly burnished
-for the occasion, and reflecting its own happiness in the splashing
-water-drops below.
-
-First in position was James Gordon Bennett of New York, stripped to the
-waist, with only a scarf of Scotch plaid thrown negligently about his
-editorial form. This poor young man makes his living by rowing and
-walking matches, literally the sweat of his brow, and the sympathies of
-the crowd were with him. He was in a paper boat, made of old “Heralds”
-and weighing just nine pounds. On his left was Mr. Lorillard, in a skiff
-made of pressed tobacco leaves. Occasionally he leaned over to the edge
-of his boat and bit a piece out. Commodore Forbes of Boston, was seated
-in the identical boat used by Paul Revere when he rowed from Lexington
-to Boston to give that alarm Mr. Longfellow wrote about, and Commodore
-Kingsland had a silver boat. His colors were blue, and he looked his
-colors all over when he glanced towards Bennett. Commodore Dickinson of
-Brooklyn, was accompanied by his sister, Anna E., as coxswain; this
-being required of him on account of the family light weight; his colors
-were green.
-
-[WHO FIRED THAT BRICK?]
-
-At precisely half past ten, Commodore Ferguson fired a brick into the
-river, which was the signal agreed upon, and the half score of
-contestants, after the usual salute, dipped their oars and made such a
-splendid start that it was vociferously _encored_.
-
-Secretary Robeson took the lead, closely followed by Bennett, the latter
-being hotly pressed by Forbes of Boston. Then McGinnis of St. Louis,
-made a spurt, got alongside of the “Herald,” which was soaking up water
-like a sponge. The race was now bow to bow for a few seconds, when
-O’Brien of Chicago, got rapidly forward. Robeson would still have had a
-good lead if the boats had been on the return trip. Opposite the Girard
-Bridge Commodore O’Shaughnessy of Baltimore, fouled Commodore Riley of
-New Orleans, and the other contestants being in the rear, the race
-narrowed down to Bennett, Lorillard, Forbes, and McGinnis. Near the
-Columbia Bridge, McGinnis ran his penknife through Forbes of Boston’s
-tub, and though Lorillard promptly tendered a plug from his vessel to
-stop the leak, this delayed all but the irrepressible Bennett, who won
-the race in 23 minutes 33½ seconds. This, strangely enough, was the same
-result which had been published in the “N. Y. Herald” that same morning,
-five hours before the race began.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-There remains now but little more to record. “Screw up your courage to
-the sticking point” (sticking things into the fire), for we shall soon
-part, mayhap to meet no more in print. We are happily permitted,
-however, before concluding, to add weight to the oft-repeated assertion
-that HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. Let sceptics reading what follows, change
-the current of their unbelieving thoughts.
-
-  Now the end of the days of the Exposition was drawing nigh, and it
-  came to pass that the chief of all the city’s people dreamed a dream.
-
-  And lo, in this dream he beheld a man sitting lonely upon a lump of
-  frozen water; his features were set and stern in mould, and icicles
-  dangled from the tips of his fingers and his nose.
-
-[AND THE VOICE SAID “WOE!”]
-
-  And it seemed to the chief that he heard in his dream a voice, and the
-  voice said, “Woe!”
-
-  Yea, “woe to those who have done this thing, who have placed me here
-  in this frigid spot and forgotten my existence.”
-
-  “When they die may their noses long for icicles and long in vain, may
-  their parched tongues cleave into the gum roofing of their mouths, and
-  in their misery may they think of me.”
-
-  And the chief man rose up early in the morning and summoned before
-  him, Mr. Sansom, the interpreter of the court, and related to him his
-  dream.
-
-  But the interpreter shrugged his shoulders, and muttering, “nix
-  firstay,” he retired to his studies of the mystic and the profound.
-
-  But it happened that when the city’s organs published the dream, the
-  minds of men reverted to their solicitor in the vaults of the
-  Knickerbocker Ice Co., and the interpretation of the dream was clear.
-
-  And the hearts of men were moved to pity and impulses of compassion,
-  and they desired that the incarcerated man might view the fading
-  glories, which in their brilliancy, had gladdened his fellow-citizens.
-
-  And the chief called his counsellors together, and Bardsley the son of
-  his father rose up and spoke. “Listen, ye pilgrims, to the words of
-  wisdom which fall like wild honey and locusts of the wilderness from
-  my lips!”
-
-  “Behold, the days of the Exposition are not yet quite done; it is
-  still unsafe to risk this man’s attendance thereat; but lo, I would
-  suggest a plan whereby we may display in safety our compassion.
-
-  “Let him ascend to the top of Sawyer’s Observatory, and from thence
-  look down upon the grounds, even as Moses of old looked down from
-  Nebo’s Height upon the Holy Land.”
-
-Yes, reader, it seems almost beyond belief that the lion-hearted
-solicitor should have been forgotten. That the city managed to worry
-along for six months without his supervision, is one of those mysterious
-chances which may only be explained when the light of history and
-careful, unprejudiced investigation shall, in the far distant future,
-illuminate the cobwebbed darkness of ages long then past.
-
-As Bardsley suggested, so was it done. A committee was appointed with
-power to act, and at high noon one clear, bright day, while special
-thanksgiving services were being chanted in all the churches, the
-General’s congealed form was hauled out of a wagon, with golden ice
-nippers, and landed safely on the flag pavement of Independence Hall. A
-gentle fire of rosewood shavings and sweet cacia wood was built around
-him, and he was gradually and tenderly thawed out. The coat of ice
-melted away; the stern features relaxed, the water dripped from all
-portions of the herculean frame, the fog, mist, and steam generated by
-the process cleared away, and
-
-CHARLIE WAS HIMSELF AGAIN.
-
-[THE CÆSAR OF THE AGE.]
-
-While he was still receiving the congratulations of his friends, the
-contractors who were required to remove the buildings approached, and
-publicly offered him one hundred thousand dollars to remain in his own
-dwelling until the close of the exhibition and then go out to the
-grounds and cause a final crash. This, of course, would save them
-immense time, labor, and expenditure. With the dignity of Cæsar on the
-Lupercal, he drew his form to its full height, and casting one look of
-disdain upon the contractors, who instantaneously disappeared beneath
-the flagging to rise no more, he walked slowly up Chestnut Street,
-followed by the plaudits of an enthusiastic mob.
-
-THE AWARDS OF THE JUDGES,
-
-though of immense importance, are of especial interest only to the
-exhibitors. Others desirous of posting themselves on this point, are
-referred to the musty, fusty rows of figures and statistics which will
-soon flood the American rag market. Two cents a pound is not an
-exorbitant price for information which is at all desirable. From the
-list of nine hundred and eight foreign and domestic judges, we will
-merely select the following familiar names:--Ludlow, Thayer, Biddle,
-Dwight, Paxson, Hackett, Cardoza, and Finletter; Dr. Mary Walker, Prof.
-Proctor, Stephen Pearl Andrews, Bret Harte, Lydia Thompson, Wm.
-Gladstone, Elwood Rowan, Gen. Garibaldi, Susan B. Anthony, and the
-Marquis of Lorne.
-
-As the style of report was similar in all cases, an example will give a
-general idea of the plan adopted. The scriptural quotations were altered
-to suit each instance.
-
-  +-----------------+-------------------------------+-----------+
-  | “He giveth his  |           No. 1724.           |“There is  |
-  | beloved sleep.” |    “Persian Roach Powder.”    | death in  |
-  |                 |                               |the pot.”  |
-  +------+-------+--+---+-------+------+-------+----+----+------+
-  |No. in|Rank in|Atten-|Punctu-|Liber-|  Mis- |Marks of |Grand |
-  |class.|class. |dance.| ality.|ality.|conduct|appreci- |Total.|
-  |      |       |      |       |      | marks.|ation of |      |
-  |      |       |      |       |      |       | Judges’ |      |
-  |      |       |      |       |      |       |services.|      |
-  +------+-------+------+-------+------+-------+---------+------+
-  |  427 |  426  |  10  |   10  |$12.75|   5   |12 boxes.| 2165 |
-  +------+-------+------+-------+------+-------+---------+------+
-  |                                 --Three Gold Medals--       |
-  |                                                             |
-  |Parent or Guardian will sign here ...........................|
-  |                                                             |
-  |“LORNE”--Judge of Roach Powder and Mother-in-Law Departments.|
-  +-------------------------------------------------------------+
-
-The only squabble among the judges was concerning the report on American
-fried oysters. Councilman Rowan and Premier Gladstone indulged in some
-marked personalities. They might have come to blows but for the prompt
-intervention of Miss Lydia Thompson and her little cowhide. She cornered
-the belligerents. Mr. Gladstone apologized to our distinguished
-councilman over a dish of the matter in dispute, and they compromised on
-two gold medals and an honorable mention.
-
-[AN END TO EVERYTHING.]
-
-And now--
-
-When the hands of Nature began stripping the foliage from the trees, the
-hands of man began stripping the decorations from the gay palace-like
-structures which had been the theatre of the world’s interest for six
-memorable months. Like the possessions of that happy but mythical
-“family declining housekeeping,” the hope and mainstay of the cheerful,
-chirping auctioneer, little by little, piece by piece, the furniture and
-contents of the great buildings were going--going--gone!
-
-The white beard of Winter covers our beautiful Park; he has laid his icy
-hand upon the quiet stream which dances happily in the Summer days
-between its green fringed banks; the tall trees stand bare, looking into
-the gray-faced sky, and the jingle of sleigh-bells dies away in the
-hollows, and rings out sharply o’er the frozen roads. The busy noise of
-Machinery Hall is hushed and forgotten; if you wish to hear the humming
-and the buzzing of a few weeks back, you must e’en apply to a
-humming-bird or a buzz-saw. The cries of the different animals from the
-vicinity of Agricultural Hall no longer reach the ear, no matter how
-long the ear may be, and the scent of a million flowers from
-Horticultural Hall no longer steals the senses. The stealing is all
-over; the visitors have all gone home.
-
-Our country has had her holiday, and, donning her honest homespun suit,
-she goes quietly, surely, and confidently to work upon her second
-century. ’Tis but her babyhood which has passed into years gone, and
-yet--she has proved herself a man.
-
-[FAREWELL.]
-
-Let us not endeavor to lift the veil which marks the boundary of the
-present. Blessed are the eyes which have seen these glories past, for
-many anticipating eyes grew closed and dulled before the fire blazed.
-Dear reader, as its smoke is carried upward and beyond, reluctantly we
-say--
-
-“Farewell!”
-
-[Illustration]
-
-
-
-
-[Illustration]
-
-JOHN STILZ & SON,
-
-_THE POPULAR CLOTHIERS_
-
-OF PHILADELPHIA,
-
-_S. E. cor. Seventh and Market Sts._,
-
-FINEST READY-MADE CLOTHING,
-
-CONSISTING OF
-
-_Elegant Spring, Fall, and Winter Overcoats_,
-
-  FINE DRESS SUITS,
-
-  FINE BUSINESS SUITS,
-
-  Alpaca and Drap d’Ete Coats,
-
-  Linen Ulsters and Dusters,
-
-_In immense variety, and at the lowest cash prices_.
-
-
-ROBERT A. HANCE’S
-
-Granules of Podophyllin Comp.
-
-FOR AFFECTIONS OF THE LIVER,
-
-HEADACHE, CONSTIPATION OF THE BOWELS, etc.,
-
-_No. 46 N. Tenth St., Philadelphia_.
-
-(Formerly 729 Market Street.)
-
-Our GRANULES OF PODOPHYLLIN COMP. have become so popular a remedy, that
-we are encouraged to bring them more prominently before the public. They
-are invaluable for
-
-Affections of the Liver,
-
-CONSTIPATION, DYSPEPSIA, HEADACHE, &c.
-
-They are _purely vegetable_, and form a complete substitute for Calomel
-and Blue Mass, without any of their injurious effects. They make a safe,
-efficient, and convenient family remedy, and, being small in size, are
-more readily swallowed than a pill.
-
-DIRECTIONS.--For ordinary Headache or Liver Affections, take from 4 to
-6, or a sufficient number on retiring to evacuate the bowels once or
-twice the following day, and in severe cases repeat the dose for two or
-three consecutive nights, and, if necessary, resume the above course in
-two or three days. To produce a cathartic effect take 8 or more at a
-dose.
-
-_Price 30 cents per Vial, by Mail, 35 cents._
-
-WE ARE ALSO OFFERING
-
-_GRANULES OF SANTONINE COMP._
-
-which are particularly adapted for the expulsion of Worms in children.
-Unlike many worm nostrums of the day, they are entirely harmless, and,
-being small in size, they make a safe remedy that is readily
-administered.
-
-DOSE.--2 to 4 twice daily.
-
-_Price 30 cents per Vial, by Mail, 35 cents._
-
-We are paying _exclusive attention_ to the manufacture of the above,
-with a full line of FLUID EXTRACTS.
-
-DRUGGISTS and PHYSICIANS are solicited to give them a trial. We
-confidently assert their _superiority_ to any in the market.
-
-=Price List furnished upon application.=
-
-
-  HENRY M. REIS.
-  C. BECHERER.
-
-REIS & BECHERER,
-
-[Illustration]
-
-IMPORTERS OF
-
-BRANDIES, WINES, GINS,
-
-ETC. ETC. ETC.,
-
-No. 306 North Third Street,
-
-PHILADELPHIA.
-
-
-FIELD & HARDIE,
-
-  633
-  MARKET
-  Street,
-  PHILA.,
-
-[Illustration]
-
-  624
-  Commerce
-  Street,
-  PENNA.
-
-DEALERS AND MANUFACTURERS OF
-
-HARDWARE
-
-FOR
-
-BUILDERS, MACHINISTS, AND RAILROADS.
-
-  PARTICULAR ATTENTION GIVEN TO ORDERS
-  FROM
-  ARCHITECTS AND OTHERS
-
-[Illustration: ALL WROUGHT RATCHET
-
-FIELD & HARDIE.]
-
-  FOR
-  HARDWARE
-  SUITABLE FOR ALL KINDS OF BUILDINGS.
-
-ALWAYS IN STOCK A FULL LINE OF
-
-Sash Pulleys, with Composition Pins,
-
-FOR HEAVY SASH,
-
-Of our own Manufacture.
-
-DOOR LOCKS,
-
-_Over Two Hundred Styles_.
-
-Including MALLORY, WHEELER & CO.’S New Four-Tumbler Mortice and Rim
-Locks, with Master Keys. Put up in sets for Hotels and Private
-Residences. LOCK TRIMMINGS IN PURE SOLID BRONZE, SILVER AND NICKEL
-PLATED, with Butt Hinges to match.
-
-Every variety of TRIMMINGS for Sash, and Inside Shutters.
-
-[Illustration: MASTER KEY.
-
-Set of 6 to 100 Locks. No two sets alike, unless so ordered.]
-
-[Illustration: Key belonging to a set of 6 to 100 Locks. No two in the
-set alike.]
-
-NAILS,
-
-Sash-Weights, and Cord.
-
-
-ESTABLISHED 1841.
-
-  WRIGHT’S
-  “NE PLUS ULTRA”
-  MINCED MEAT.
-
-  Be careful of
-  unprincipled Grocers
-  representing that
-
-[Illustration]
-
-  They sell Wright’s
-  “NE PLUS ULTRA”
-  Minced Meat.
-
-The only Medal for Minced Meat, awarded by the Franklin Institute of
-1874 to
-
-JOSHUA WRIGHT,
-
-_S. W. Corner_
-
-Spring Garden and Franklin Streets,
-
-PHILADELPHIA.
-
-
-H. D. MEYER,
-
-MILLINERY GOODS,
-
-RIBBONS,
-
-SILKS, SATINS, VELVETS,
-
-AND
-
-_STRAW GOODS_,
-
-No. 52 North Eighth Street,
-
-Below Arch, west side,
-
-PHILADELPHIA.
-
-_Trimmed Hats and Bonnets a Specialty._
-
-
-J. DICKSON & CO.,
-
-ENGRAVERS
-
-BY
-
-DICKSON’S PATENT PROCESS.
-
-OFFICE:
-
-_North-East Corner Fourth and Walnut Sts._,
-
-PHILADELPHIA, PA.
-
-These Engravings possess the following Advantages over Wood Cuts:
-
-They are made of a material that is SUPERIOR to either metal or wood.
-
-They are not affected by DAMPNESS or any corroding agents, and will not
-WARP or SPLIT.
-
-They do not get BLURRED when a large number of impressions are printed
-from them; and they are furnished at =One-Half the Cost=.
-
-Electrotypes and Stereotypes can be made from these Engravings in the
-usual manner.
-
-These Engravings are mounted on blocks type high, ready for use on any
-printing press.
-
-Proofs furnished when required, and Engravings guaranteed to equal proof
-in all respects.
-
-Engravings made for all sorts of Illustrations for Catalogues,
-Circulars, Books and Newspapers, etc.
-
-Printers, Publishers, Manufacturers and others, desiring first-class
-work at reasonable prices, should give us a trial.
-
-By this process all styles of Engraving may be imitated; thus enabling
-type printers to do work formerly done by Lithography and other methods.
-
-Accurate, Fine, and Effective Work, also Illustrated Catalogues, a
-Specialty.
-
-ESTIMATES FURNISHED.
-
-The Engravings made by our method have not the broken and blurred
-appearance so peculiar in photo-engravings, zinc etchings, and other
-kindred processes; besides being furnished in a very short time, and at
-half the price of wood cuts.
-
-ENGRAVINGS MADE FROM PHOTOGRAPHS, SKETCHES, REPRINTS, &c., &c.
-
-  Address, J. DICKSON & CO.,
-
-  _NORTH-EAST CORNER FOURTH AND WALNUT STREETS_,
-
-  PHILADELPHIA, PA.
-
-  N. B.--Orders by Mail Promptly Attended to.
-
-
-PUBLISHERS, BOOKSELLERS, IMPORTERS AND STATIONERS.
-
-  We carry complete stocks of Standard Miscellaneous Books, School and
-  College Text-Books, Foreign and Domestic Stationery.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-  We offer advantages for the Purchase of Goods in all Departments of
-  our Business, unequalled by any House in the Trade.
-
-  CLAXTON, REMSEN & HAFFELFINGER
-  624, 626 and 628 Market St.,
-  PHILADELPHIA.
-
-All orders for everything required by the Trade filled Promptly and on
-the Most Favorable Terms. Correspondence solicited.
-
-
-_PITKIN & THOMAS_,
-
-No. 71 North Second Street,
-
-  PITKIN, WATERBURY & CO.,
-  _110 Chambers St., New York_.
-
-  PHILADELPHIA,
-
-WHOLESALE DEALERS IN
-
-GOVERNMENT STORES,
-
-  OVERCOATS,
-  DRESS COATS,
-  BLOUSES,
-  JACKETS,
-  PANTS, etc. etc.
-
-ARMY BOOTS AND SHOES.
-
-  RUBBER BLANKETS,
-  RUBBER OVERCOATS,
-  RUBBER HORSE COVERS,
-  WOOLLEN BLANKETS.
-
-Also,
-
-MANUFACTURERS OF AND DEALERS IN
-
-  Buggy, Track, and Team Harness,
-  HORSE CLOTHING, &c.
-
-_SEND FOR PRICE LIST._
-
-
-LADIES’ FURS.
-
-BUFFALO AND SLEIGH ROBES.
-
-  Seal
-  Coats.
-
-FURS.
-
-  Seal
-  Caps.
-
-_etc. etc. etc._
-
-BEST QUALITIES, LARGEST STOCK,
-
-_LOWEST PRICES_,
-
-AT
-
-NAV. C. REISKY,
-
-No. 237 ARCH STREET,
-
-PHILADELPHIA.
-
-_P.S.--I can sell a first-class article 10 per cent. less than any other
-fur store in the City._
-
-Shipping Furs bought in season.
-
-
-[Illustration:
-
-  HARBACH BROS.,
-  CONFECTIONERS,
-
-  HARBACH’S ORIGINAL CENTENNIAL NOUGATINES
-
-  ESTABLISHED 1842.
-
-  HARBACH’S
-  ORIGINAL WALNUT
-  CANDY.
-
-  HARBACH’S
-  ORIGINAL
-  CONFECTIONS.
-
-  HARBACH’S
-  ORIGINAL CARAMEL
-  COCOANUT.
-
-  PATENTED MARCH 28, 1871.
-
-  _36 N EIGHTH ST._,
-  PHILADA., PA.
-
-_36 N^{TH} 8^{TH} ST. & 807 & 809 FILBERT ST. PHILADA. PA._]
-
-[Illustration]
-
-[Illustration:
-
-  LATEST NOVELTIES
-  _and Improvements in_
-
-  SCIOPTICON
-  AND 60 SLIDES $75
-  AND 100 SLIDES $100
-  LATEST IMPROVED
-
-  THEO. J. HARBACH
-  IMPORTER
-  AND
-  MANUFACTURER
-  OF SLIDES FOR
-  the STEREOPTICON
-  _& MAGIC LANTERN_
-  _CATALOGUE FREE._
-  809 FILBERT ST. PHILA. PA.
-
-  DANCING SKELETON
-  TAKES OFF HEAD
-  DOUBLE MOVEMENT
-  ONLY $5^{00}.
-
-  MAGIC LANTERNS,
-  Stereopticons & Slides.]
-
-
-J. HENRY GERCKE,
-
-[Illustration]
-
-WATCHMAKER AND JEWELER,
-
-1206 Pine Street,
-
-_PHILADELPHIA_,
-
-DEALER IN
-
-Watches, Jewelry, Wedding Rings, etc.
-
-MANUFACTURER OF
-
-Masonic Marks, Society Emblems, etc.
-
-ALSO SPECIAL AGENT FOR THE
-
-CENTENNIAL WATCH,
-
-AND THE
-
-CELEBRATED “56” CHARM.
-
-_Particular attention paid to Repairing._
-
-
-  ENTERPRISING.
-  PROMPT.
-  PRACTICAL.
-
-HIRSCH & LARZELERE,
-
-COMMERCIAL PRINTERS,
-
-No. 30 South Fourth St., Philada.
-
-SPECIALTIES:
-
-  BILL-HEADS,
-  LETTER-HEADS,
-  STATEMENTS,
-  LABELS,
-
-CIRCULARS, CARDS, etc. etc.
-
-_Printing in English, German, French, Spanish, and all Modern
-Languages._
-
-GIVE US A TRIAL.
-
-  HENRY N. HIRSCH.
-  EDWARD HIRSCH.
-  SAMUEL M. LARZELERE.
-
-
-ALLEN SCOTT & CO.,
-
-IMPORTERS,
-
-Wholesale and Retail Dealers in
-
-CARPETINGS, OIL CLOTHS
-
-_etc. etc. etc._,
-
-No. 35
-
-North Second Street,
-
-PHILADELPHIA.
-
-P. E. McKENNA.
-
-
-Established 1844.
-
-  JOS. McALLISTER.
-  WM. F. CARRIGAN.
-
-McAllister & Co.,
-
-MANUFACTURERS OF AND DEALERS IN
-
-FINE WINDOW SHADES,
-
-PLAIN, FIGURED, OR LETTERED, FOR
-
-_Dwellings_, _Stores_, _Hotels_, _Churches_, _Factories_,
-
-ETC. ETC. ETC.
-
-Nos. 17 and 19 N. Second Street,
-
-(_Opp. Christ Church_,)
-
-PHILADELPHIA.
-
-Patentees and Wholesale Agents for
-
-THE NOVELTY
-
-WINDOW SHADE FIXTURE.
-
-_FINE STORE SHADES A SPECIALTY._
-
-
-HALE, KILBURN & CO.,
-
-SOLE PROPRIETORS AND MANUFACTURERS OF
-
-[Illustration]
-
-The “Champion” Folding Bedstead and Crib.
-
-The “Everitt” Bedstead.
-
-The most complete thing of its kind ever invented. Folded, it is a
-perfect imitation of a wardrobe; unfolded, a complete bedstead; is
-folded with the bed ready to occupy, and requires but a _moment_ to fold
-and unfold.
-
-  Made in every
-  Style, from the
-  Plainest to the
-  most elaborate.
-
-[Illustration: CLOSED.]
-
-[Illustration: OPENING.]
-
-[Illustration: OPEN.]
-
-  The best article
-  of furniture
-  offered for use
-  during the Centennial
-  Year.
-
-_Prices to suit all classes, running from $33 upwards._
-
-HALE’S FLEXIBLE TOP SPRING BED.
-
-CLEAN, NEAT, NOISELESS, COMFORTABLE, DURABLE, CHEAP.
-
-[Illustration]
-
-HALE’S FLEXIBLE SEAT CHAIRS, STOOLS, etc. etc.
-
-_Superior in every respect to any other wood or cane seat. Give perfect
-satisfaction. Send for descriptive circular and price list._
-
-ALSO, GENERAL MANUFACTURERS OF
-
-Walnut Picture and Looking-glass Frames, Mouldings, Pedestals, Music
-Stands, etc. etc.
-
-  BRANCH STORE,
-  _613 Broadway_,
-  New York.
-
-  SALESROOM,
-  _48 & 50 N. Sixth St._,
-  Philadelphia, Pa.
-
-  FACTORIES,
-  48 & 50 N. 6th St.,
-  615-621 Filbert St., Phila.
-
-
-DENNISON & CO.
-
-Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, Cincinnati, St. Louis.
-
-  _Dennison’s Patent Shipping Tags.
-  Cloth, Parchment, and Metal Eyelet Shipping Tags.
-  Merchandise Tags for Cloths, Clothing, Dry Goods,
-  Hardware, Fancy Goods, Jewelry, etc.
-  Gum Labels and Legal Seals, Pin Tickets,
-  Fancy Tickets, Artificial Flower Labels,
-  Pattern Cards for Woollens._
-
-  _Jeweller’s Paper Boxes,
-  Jeweller’s Cards, Pink and White Cotton,
-  Fine Twines, Sealing Wax, etc. etc.
-  Apothecaries’ Powder Papers and Boxes._
-
-IMPORTERS OF
-
-  _Fine English Tissue Papers Chamois Skins,
-  Morocco Ring and Thimble Boxes,
-  Sealing Wax, Wood Boxes, etc. etc._
-
-_Sales Agents for McGill’s Goods._
-
-  632 Chestnut St., Philada.
-  19 Milk St., Boston.
-  202 Broadway, New York.
-  150 S. Clark St., Chicago.
-  4th & Vine Sts., Cincin.
-  110 Pine Street, St. Louis.
-
-
-
-
-[Illustration: THE DIRECTOR-GENERAL AFTER THE EXHIBITION.]
-
-
-
-
-  Transcriber’s Notes
-
-
-  The language of the source document has been retained, including
-  (deliberate or accidental) inconsistencies and misspellings (e.g.
-  Livingtone in the Opinions of the Press, CHIL-DLIKE on page 35, ~0007
-  on page 37), except as mentioned below.
-
-  Depending on the hard- and software used to read this text and their
-  settings, not all elements may display as intended.
-
-
-  Changes made
-
-  Page headers from the source document have been moved to the start of
-  the paragraph where they would appear to fit best, and are given there
-  [between square brackets].
-
-  Some obvious minor punctuation and typographical errors have been
-  corrected silently.
-
-  Page 79: Forbes of Boston’s hub changed to Forbes of Boston’s tub.
-
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-
-<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Our Show, by Daisy Shortcut</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
-most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
-whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
-of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
-at <a href="https://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a>. If you
-are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the
-country where you are located before using this eBook.
-</div>
-
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:0; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: Our Show</p>
-<p style='display:block; margin-top:0; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:0;'>A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, Poem, Oration ...</p>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: Daisy Shortcut and Arry O'Pagus</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: December 7, 2021 [eBook #66895]</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div>
-
-<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Charlene Taylor, Harry Lamé and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.)</div>
-
-<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK OUR SHOW ***</div>
-
-<div class="tnbox">
-<p class="center">Please see the <a href="#TN">Transcriber&#8217;s Notes</a> at the end of this text.</p>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="x-ebookmaker-drop">
-
-<div class="container w30em">
-<img src="images/cover.jpg" alt="Cover image" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="illotext w25em">
-
-<p class="center highline2">For Sale by all Booksellers and Newsdealers.</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2"><span class="padr2">“1776”</span><span class="padl2">“1876”</span><br />
-ONE HUNDRED YEARS A REPUBLIC</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2">OUR SHOW</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2"><span class="padr2">DAISY SHORTCUT.</span>
-<span class="padl2">ARRY O’PAGUS.</span></p>
-
-<p class="center">CLAXTON, REMSEN &amp; HAFFELFINGER,<br />
-<i>624, 626, 628 Market Street, Philadelphia</i>.<br />
-THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, New York.</p>
-
-</div><!--illotext-->
-
-</div><!--ebookmaker drop-->
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<p class="frontmatter">OPINIONS OF THE PRESS</p>
-
-<p>From several thousand “opinions,” carefully prepared for the use of the press,
-we select the following. We shall be happy to give the remainder in similar
-instalments in the future editions of “Our Show.”</p>
-
-<div class="fsize90">
-
-<p class="center highline2">[Special dispatch to the New York Herald.]</p>
-
-<p>“Have just discovered the book on my editorial table&mdash;the fun I am still looking for; ’tis
-harder to find than Livingtone was. The African jungles were tame compared to the general
-wildness of these pages.&mdash;<i>Stanley.</i>”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2">[From the San Francisco Tribune.]</p>
-
-<p>“No library is complete without it&mdash;in the waste basket.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the London Times.]</p>
-
-<p>“We admit that the volume puzzles us. We should be inclined to doubt some of the assertions
-contained within it, even to consider them preposterous, had we not long ago given up
-any attempt to account for events or circumstances occurring in America.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From Galignani’s Messenger, Paris.]</p>
-
-<p>“We have not read this production in the original, but the French translation assures us that
-it is a work of grave import. Beneath the simple words there is a depth of meaning and a quiet,
-dignified tone of determination, which the friends of Liberty would do well to heed. It is a
-book to be pondered over. The illustrations are by Mons. Jacques Frost, an artist of warm
-imagination.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the Berlin Freie Presse.]</p>
-
-<p>“It is the only book of the kind we have ever seen&mdash;thank Heaven!”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the Vienna Court Journal.]</p>
-
-<p>“The Emperor has not been seen in public for several days. We learn from reliable sources
-that he has been closeted in his study, translating, altering, and localizing an American volume
-called ‘Our Show,’ to make it appear the official record of our late International Exposition.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the Pekin Argus.]</p>
-
-<p>“The Authors are evidently insane.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the St. Petersburg Daily News.]</p>
-
-<p>“This, with Sherman’s ‘Memoirs,’ Motley’s ‘Dutch Republic,’ and Mrs. Lee Hentz’s ‘Wooed,
-not Won,’ presents a living argument against those who are in the habit of sneering at American
-literature. If this work fails to give America a first place in the rank of letters, it will keep
-her not far from the tail.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the Constantinople Leader.]</p>
-
-<p>“It is the joint production of two geniuses. We doubt whether one genius could have written
-it and survived.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the Copenhagen Sentinel.]</p>
-
-<p>“Copenhagen is shaken to its centre. Is Sweden dead? Is the land of the immortal
-Yywxtlmp sleeping? Has the American Exposition become a thing of the past whilst we are
-yet preparing for it? or are the authors of this book endeavoring, under the guise of an historical
-novel, to lay the foundation for poisoning the world in the future with the doctrines of
-Spiritualism? Philadelphia exchanges call it a ‘third term pamphlet.’ We have looked
-through its pages, and though failing to discover what this means, we found one term for which
-we thank the authors&mdash;the termination.”</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 blankbefore75">[From the Hong Kong Examiner.]</p>
-
-<p>“Americans should receive a book like this with fervor&mdash;once every hundred years.”</p>
-
-</div><!--fsize90-->
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="pageframe">
-
-<p class="center fsize125"><b>1776. <span class="padl4 padr4 ws75">FUN. HUMOR. BURLESQUE.</span> 1876.</b></p>
-
-<h1><span class="gesp1">ONE HUNDRED YEARS A REPUBLIC.</span><br />
-<b><span class="fsize200 highline2"><span class="gesp2">OUR SHOW</span>;</span></b><br />
-<span class="gesp1">A HUMOROUS</span><br />
-<span class="fsize60 highline4">ACCOUNT OF THE</span><br />
-<b><span class="fsize90">INTERNATIONAL EXPOSITION</span></b><br />
-<span class="highline4 fsize50">IN HONOR OF THE</span><br />
-<span class="highline2 fsize80">CENTENNIAL ANNIVERSARY OF AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE,</span><br />
-<span class="highline4 sstype fsize60"><b>FROM INCEPTION TO COMPLETION,</b></span><br />
-<span class="highline3 fsize40">INCLUDING</span><br />
-<span class="fsize50">DESCRIPTION OF BUILDINGS&mdash;BIOGRAPHIES OF MANAGERS&mdash;RECEPTIONS OF FOREIGN<br />
-DIGNITARIES&mdash;OPENING CEREMONIES&mdash;POEM&mdash;ORATION&mdash;AMUSING SURVEY<br />
-OF ALL DEPARTMENTS, INCIDENTS, ETC. ETC.</span></h1>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore4 highline2"><span class="fsize60">BY</span><br />
-<span class="fsize110">DAISY SHORTCUT AND ARRY O’PAGUS.</span><br />
-<span class="fsize80 sstype"><b>PROFUSELY ILLUSTRATED BY A. B. FROST.</b></span></p>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore4"><span class="gesp2"><span class="fsize80">PHILADELPHIA:</span><br />
-CLAXTON, REMSEN &amp; HAFFELFINGER</span>,<br />
-<span class="fsize60 smcap">624, 626, and 628 Market Street</span>.<br />
-<span class="fsize70">THE AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, NEW YORK.</span><br />
-<span class="gesp4">1876</span>.</p>
-
-</div><!--pageframe-->
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<p class="libofcongr">Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1875, by<br />
-CLAXTON, REMSEN, &amp; HAFFELFINGER,<br />
-in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. All rights reserved.</p>
-
-<p class="center fsize80">PHILADELPHIA:<br />
-<span class="gesp2">COLLINS, PRINTER,</span><br />
-<span class="fsize80">705 Jayne Street.</span></p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page5">[5]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="frontmatter"><span class="gesp1">DEDICATION</span>.</h2>
-
-<p>After forty days and forty nights of unceasing meditation,
-we have completed this important contribution to</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2">AMERICAN LITERATURE.</p>
-
-<p>It was especially designed for dedication to Mrs. Victoria
-Guelph, the representative of our mother country, as a pleasing,
-though tardy equivalent for the real estate confiscated by the
-boys who ran away</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2">ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO.</p>
-
-<p>But, our far-sighted Secretary of State, an official of the first
-water, has pointed out to us the impropriety of especially distinguishing
-one, of the many countries interested in “<span class="smcap">Our Show</span>;”
-an action likely to give birth to those bickerings and petty
-jealousies among the nations which are so apt to lead to grave
-results.</p>
-
-<p>We desire, above all things, the general good. Under no circumstances
-would we insist upon anything apt to disturb the peace
-and harmony of the world; therefore, we select for the honor of
-a dedication, the private parties we think most deserving,</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2">OURSELVES.</p>
-
-<p>Daisy Shortcut respectfully dedicates his portion of this work
-to his friend and bottle-holder Arry O’Pagus, and Mr. O’Pagus
-returns the compliment, by dedicating the outpourings of his
-colossal intellect to Daisy Shortcut, and, joining hands, they sign
-themselves,</p>
-
-<p class="right padr2 highline2"><span class="padr10">The Purchaser’s</span><br />
-Most Obedient Servants.</p>
-
-<p class="fsize80 highline2"><span class="smcap">Parlor C, Continental Hotel,<br />
-<span class="padl4">Philadelphia</span>, December 1st, 1875.</span></p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page6"><a id="Page7">[7]</a></span></p>
-
-<h2 class="frontmatter">CONTENTS.</h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<table class="toc" summary="ToC">
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER I.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<th>&#160;</th>
-<th class="right fsize70">PAGE</th>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE SPARK.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">How it all came about</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page9">9</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER II.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE FUEL.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">What the women did</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page14">14</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER III.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE COOKS.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">Who fed the flames</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page21">21</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER IV.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE LOOKERS ON.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">Who came to be warmed</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page27">27</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER V.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE CRACKLING.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">Preparations for the blaze</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page34">34</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER VI.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE FIRE.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">Who flared and how they did it</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page40">40</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER VII.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE REFLECTIONS.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">Shadows, shapes, and those who made them</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page50">50</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER VIII.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE GLOW.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">Who helped and who enjoyed it</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page58">58</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER IX.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE FLICKERING.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">How it dimmed and how it brightened</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page66">66</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="chapnum">CHAPTER X.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="chapname">“THE SMOKE.” &#160;.&#160;.&#160;.&#160; <span class="smcap fsize80">How it went up</span></td>
-<td class="pagno"><a href="#Page75">75</a></td>
-</tr>
-
-</table>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page8">[8]</span></p>
-
-<p class="center highline8 fsize200"><span class="gesp4">OUR SHOW</span>.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page9">[9]</span></p>
-
-<p class="center fsize150 highline4">OUR SHOW.</p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER I.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE SPARK.” ... <span class="smcap">How it all came about.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo011.jpg" alt="I" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">I</span>f the late Christopher Columbus,
-Esq., could have foreseen,
-as an indirect result of his
-little excursion in the spring
-of 1492, the infliction of the
-following pages upon posterity,
-Mr. Columbus, very likely,
-would have stayed at home.
-Think kindly, therefore, of
-the dead; let no blame attach
-to him. Perhaps a few remarks
-concerning the ancient
-mariner may prove instructive
-to the reader. Being
-both happy and able to impart
-useful and interesting
-information, we cheerfully devote
-a paragraph to the defunct
-navigator.</p>
-
-<p>The capitalists of our country
-are familiar with Christopher,
-principally through a cut of that nautical gentleman which an
-artistic government has placed upon the reverse side of its five-dollar
-bills. The elevated cross in the hands of the piratical-looking monk
-kneeling beside him, has given rise to a wide-spread belief that Mr. Columbus
-was a bishop or a cardinal. It is our duty to dispel this grievous
-misconception. He was simply a Brazilian sea captain, who believed
-there were two sides to every question, even to such a serious question
-as the world. Having taught Queen Isabella of Spain, who had not then
-abdicated, how to make an egg stand and drink an egg-flip, she gave him,
-under the influence of the latter, command of the steamer “Mayflower,”
-with permission to row out and see what he could find. He
-landed at Plymouth Rock; discovered the city of Boston, first, by special
-request, being presented with the freedom of <span class="smcap">The Common</span> by the
-<span class="pagenum" id="Page10">[10]</span>grateful inhabitants, and welcomed
-in a neat speech by Mrs. Harriet
-Byron Stowe.</p>
-
-<p>Shortly after this, George III. of
-England commanded that all the
-male children born in the Colonies
-should be cast into the Atlantic
-ocean. He also advanced the price
-of postage stamps. These injustices
-were more than the people could
-stand; they met in Concord, and
-drove the British out of Lexington.
-This alarmed George, who immediately
-passed the famous “stamp
-act,” and telegraphed to Benjamin
-Franklin, then postmaster at Philadelphia,
-authorizing him to distribute
-free rations of postage stamps
-three times a day. But the wires
-clicked back the touching refrain&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Too late! Too late! Of all sad
-words of tongue or pen, the saddest
-are these ‘too late.’</p>
-
-<p>
-Yours, <span class="smcap">Ben</span>.”<br />
-</p>
-
-<p>Benjamin then convened a job lot
-of patriots at Philadelphia, and they
-resolved that these United States
-were, and of right ought to be, free
-and easy. Commodore John Hancock,
-of the Schuylkill Navy, was
-chairman of the convention. On
-motion of Robert Morrissey (whose
-nephew John, late M. C. from New
-York, inherits his uncle’s statesmanlike
-and financial abilities), a bell
-to proclaim liberty was purchased
-for the State-House steeple. They
-practised economy in those brave
-days, and bought a cracked one,
-because they got it at half price.
-It is still in Independence Hall, a
-monument of our veracity.</p>
-
-<p>The world knows well what followed,
-and ’tis well for the world
-that it does. General Cornwallis
-finally surrendered to General Scott
-at the Germantown Intersection.
-The “Junction” depot now marks
-the spot. So, dismissing our historical
-reminiscences, we would respectfully
-request both the gentle
-and the savage reader, to imagine,
-after the manner of the modern
-drama, the lapse of one hundred
-years, ere we proceed with the
-second act.</p>
-
-<p>This century being buried in that
-popular mausoleum, the vast ocean
-of eternity, a universally expressed
-desire to celebrate the nation’s centennial
-birthday in a style befitting
-its present power and importance,
-gradually assumed the form of an
-International Exposition, to be held
-during six months of the year 1876.
-Philadelphia was selected as the
-site, partly on account of historical
-associations and the proprietorship
-of the cracked bell, but principally
-to gratify the inhabitants of the
-adjoining Dutch settlement, New
-York.</p>
-
-<p>Congress was naturally appealed
-to for countenance and assistance.
-Unfortunately, however, Congress,
-having bestowed all its material aid
-upon railroad and steamship subsidies,
-had nothing but its moral support
-to offer. Having a large stock
-of this commodity, it was tendered
-with the usual <span class="sidenote">CONGRESSIONAL<br />MODESTY.</span>
-modesty and circumspection
-which marks the action of
-that body in national affairs. The
-President was authorized to invite
-the world to the Exposition&mdash;without
-expense to Congress. Philadelphia
-was granted permission to hold
-the Exposition&mdash;without expense to
-Congress; each State was allowed
-the privilege of appointing a commission&mdash;without
-expense to Congress;<span class="pagenum" id="Page11">[11]</span>
-and, to be brief, the economic
-representatives of the people resolved
-that these United States might go
-in and have a good time generally&mdash;without
-expense to Congress.</p>
-
-<p>Jubilant with this encouragement,
-the State Commissioners organized
-an Executive Committee, which appointed
-a Board of Finance, and
-auxiliary committees upon everything
-and anything, including mining,
-manufactures, calisthenics, art,
-science, primogeniture, horticulture,
-pisciculture, agriculture, infanticulture,
-and hydrostatics. City committees
-were constituted. These were
-jobbed out to wards, and again sublet
-to precincts, through which domestic
-juntas were established in
-every household. Thus the voice
-of the people woke the echoes of the
-capitol, and reverberated to the furthermost
-corners of the universe.</p>
-
-<p>The Building Committee immediately
-contracted with <span class="sidenote">GEE UP<br />DOBBINS!</span>Mr. Richard
-J. Dobbins (the inventor of Dobbins’
-electric soap) for the construction of</p>
-
-<h3>THE MAIN EXHIBITION HALL.</h3>
-
-<p>He agreed to furnish the very first
-quality of soapstone for the masonry,
-and to use Castile only, for the
-girders. The following were the
-chief points of the contract:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>1st. The building to form a parallelopipedon,
-in order to secure the
-choicest location to each exhibitor.</p>
-
-<p>2d. To be thoroughly waterproof.
-Dr. McFadden of the <i>Aqua Fontana</i>
-department, and several other eminent
-surgeons, to fill it up to the
-ceiling as a test previous to the
-opening. The contractors to take it
-back if the test proved unsatisfactory.</p>
-
-<p>3d. The walls to be of gutta percha;
-to be distributed after the
-closing of the exhibition to the
-pupils of the public schools for
-chewing and erasing purposes.</p>
-
-<p>4th. A transcript to meander
-through the centre of the building,
-with a knave to right and left. Cucumber
-pumps of the <i>Louis Quatorze</i>
-pattern on the east and west detours,
-alternating with eight green cellar
-doors, to give the same effect and
-finish which marked the <i>tout ensemble</i>
-of the Vienna buildings. A
-main curricle on the right to be
-flanked by iron decades, with arched
-approaches for bipeds, tripods, and
-quadrilaterals.</p>
-
-<p>5th. The general appearance of
-the exterior to favor the Polynesian
-style, which is replete with architectural
-beauties. <i>Fac similes</i> of
-the Tower of Babel, Tower of London,
-Leaning Tower of Pisa, and
-Tower Hall, to adorn the four corners.
-The trusses and bandages supporting
-the roof, to be of purple and
-fine linen, with brass mountings.
-The roof itself to be perpetually
-covered with wet towels, to guard
-against sunstroke.</p>
-
-<p>6th. The centre aisle to be covered
-with canton flannel matting,
-with the grass sloping up to the
-back door. Nineteen hotel candles
-to illuminate the ground floor, with
-a citrate of magnesia light in the
-attic window.</p>
-
-<p>This extraordinary structure was
-completed according to agreement,
-and upon being weighed at the corner
-grocery, kicked the beam at
-1234567890 pounds, 19 shillings and
-sixpence.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page12">[12]</span></p>
-
-<p>Mr. Dobbins was also entrusted
-with the erection of</p>
-
-<h3 class="allclear">MEMORIAL HALL.</h3>
-
-<p>This is a permanent building, so
-adapted that it may be used hereafter
-as an Art Gallery or a Station-house.
-The foundation is not only
-cemented with Spalding’s glue, but
-the iron posterns run through to
-China, and are tied on the other
-side with the back hair of coolies,
-detailed for the service through the
-courtesy of the Pekin government.</p>
-
-<p>Notwithstanding Mr. Dobbins’
-immense labors in completing these
-two buildings, he still found time
-to run over to Rome and <span class="sidenote">MORITURI<br />SALUTAMUS.</span>purchase
-the Colosseum. He brought it home
-with him for the purpose of exhibiting
-Prince Bismarck and the
-Pope in gladiatorial contests during
-the exhibition months.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo014.jpg" alt="Gladiators" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">The contract for</p>
-
-<h3>MACHINERY HALL</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">was awarded to Mr. Philip Quigley,
-of Wilmington, Delaware. When
-it grew too big for his State, he removed
-it to and finished it upon the
-ground it occupied. The machinery
-exhibited was worked by forty horse-power,
-and a neat stable was attached
-to the rear for the care and
-accommodation of the forty horses,
-the contribution of the city passenger
-railway companies.</p>
-
-<p>All the shaftings were of sandal
-wood, and the belting of Russia
-leather, supplied by the family of
-the Czar himself. An “hydraulic
-annex” was also tacked on to the
-building. It contained a tank 60
-by 180 feet, with 10 feet depth of
-water for fishing and bathing purposes.
-A portion was fenced off for
-the preservation and display of “The
-Falls,” which the hotel keepers and
-hackmen of Niagara kindly loaned
-for the occasion. The hydraulic
-rams and other live stock were
-watered here every morning, and
-at stated intervals during the day
-hydrodynamic and hydrostatic performances
-were given in the tank<span class="pagenum" id="Page13">[13]</span>
-by the pupils of the “Girls’ Normal
-School.” The former were very
-unique.</p>
-
-<p>The consideration for the construction
-of this building, as per Commissioners’
-report, was $542,300, including
-drainage, water-pipe, plumbing,
-and silver-plated door knobs,
-but exclusive of interior white-washing.
-This, however, was performed
-gratuitously by Professor
-Johnson of the African Commission.</p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">Mr. John Rice, a healthful and
-nutritious builder, was selected to
-erect the beautiful</p>
-
-<h3>HORTICULTURAL HALL,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">which remains a permanent ornament
-to our park, and an attractive
-target for the shots of the young
-idea visiting the locality. The immense
-expanse of glass will doubtless
-provide innocent amusement to
-many generations of young America.
-May they ever appreciate the
-kind consideration which placed the
-building convenient to a line of soft
-rocks, supplying ready-made boulders
-of all sizes. We believe, however,
-that the building is taken in
-at nights; we know its visitors are
-taken in during the day. Some
-idea of its vastness may be given by
-stating that more than 7000 acres of
-land are situated around it.</p>
-
-<h3>AGRICULTURAL HALL,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">being of <i>papier maché</i>, inlaid with
-mother-in-law of pearl, was cut out
-by steam, and work was not commenced
-upon it until September,
-1875. The pens for live stock adjoining
-the building were of steel
-(a favorite material in public edifices),
-and were a part of the contract.
-They were fashioned after
-the manner of the famous floating
-palace, “Adelaide Neilson,” of the
-Noah family. The plans were furnished
-by the Shemitic commission
-from rough drafts now in possession
-of the descendants of Admiral Noah.</p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">At a late date the</p>
-
-<h3>UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">decided to erect a few buildings, including
-a hospital. They thought
-the latter might come handy in
-Washington after the exhibition, for
-resigning officials. When we first
-learned that the United States had
-obtained 100,000 feet for their buildings,
-we thought it another display
-of persevering frugality. We imagined
-they desired to save a hardware
-bill by using the nails accompanying
-the material. We discovered
-that the feet merely meant
-the ground for the buildings to stand
-on.</p>
-
-<p>As the Grecian government had
-expressed itself too poor to take part
-in the Exposition, Mr. Windrim, the
-architect, was instructed to design
-these buildings in the shape of a
-Greek cross. Through this delicate
-<span class="sidenote">A COMPLIMENT<br />TO SAPPHO.</span>compliment, the land where Sappho
-lived and sung, was represented after
-all.</p>
-
-<p>These, with the offices for managers,
-gas men, stage carpenters, etc.
-etc., and some national, state, and
-special buildings, which may claim
-our attention further on, complete
-the list of structures erected upon
-the Centennial grounds for exhibition
-purposes. Men of all nationalities
-vied for the privilege of
-taking part in the glorious work.<span class="pagenum" id="Page14">[14]</span>
-The Teuton and Celt underbid the
-native American; the co-patriots of
-Garibaldi did still better, only to be
-put to shame in their turn by a Chinese
-colony. Ignoring all natural
-partiality and national prejudice, the
-contractors, in a spirit of true republicanism,
-gave the most work to
-those who labored for the least
-money.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo016.jpg" alt="N" />
-</div>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER II.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE FUEL.”... <span class="smcap">What the women did.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">N</span>ature always provides for
-emergencies. The world required
-steamboats and locomotives,
-and, lo! a Fulton and
-a Stephenson appeared to supply
-the demand. We craved
-a means of rapid intercommunication,
-and Mr. Morse sat
-down and invented his telegraph.
-We experienced a
-soaring desire to sail through
-the air, and George Francis
-Train stepped forward to inflate
-our balloons. So, when
-a lady competent to organize
-and superintend the workings
-of her sisters, became requisite
-to the success of the Centennial
-project, nature did not
-desert us. Uprose, as the poet
-sweetly remarks,<span class="sidenote">LOVELY<br />WOMAN.</span></p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“A perfect woman, nobly planned<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">To boss an army or a peanut stand,”<br /></span>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p class="noindent">and grasping the banner, Mrs. Emma D.E.N. Gillespie became the special
-partner of the Board of Finance.</p>
-
-<p>Were we about writing a work in twenty quarto volumes, the kind
-we have been in the habit of producing, we might faintly hope to do
-justice to the prodigies accomplished by the noble women of America, and
-especially by our own Philadelphia ladies. What we do write, however,
-is the result of personal observation. Blessed with female relatives
-<i>in esse</i> and <i>in posse</i>, who have been active members of ward committees
-since the first trumpet tone, we write advisedly; having been
-<span class="pagenum" id="Page15">[15]</span>
-snubbed, sacrificed, and made secondary
-to centennial enthusiasm for
-three long years, we write with a
-proper appreciation of the solemn
-duty in hand.</p>
-
-<p>The dear creatures travelled up
-to the State-House steeple; they
-glanced around upon the situation;
-they rolled up their sleeves, metaphorically,
-and swooped down upon
-the city. They canvassed stores and
-factories from turret to foundation
-stone; they invaded dingy counting-houses,
-and sauntered like sunbeams
-into dusty offices, collecting subscriptions
-to centennial stock, peddling
-centennial medals, and doing irreparable
-damage to the peace of simpering
-clerks, blushing salesmen, and
-susceptible employers. A single case
-will serve for illustration. Listen
-to the story of</p>
-
-<h3>A POOR YOUNG MAN.</h3>
-
-<div class="container w15em">
-<img src="images/illo017.jpg" alt="Young man" />
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">“NOT WISELY<br />BUT TOO WELL.”</span>He was an innocent youth, undergoing
-initiation into the mysteries
-of compounding and weighing out
-sugars, teas, and spices at a West-End
-grocery. A Spruce Street damsel
-did the cruel deed. She visited
-the establishment several times in
-reference to some shares of stock,
-and her passing glance sank into his
-soul. His deep, poetic nature demanded
-an outlet for the sacred fire.
-Ætna will burst; Vesuvius will explode.
-Ætna and Vesuvius were
-but parlor matches compared to him.</p>
-
-<p>The evening succeeding the lady’s
-third visit to the grocery, a package,
-neatly done up in brown paper, was
-left at her residence by a youth who
-vanished upon the instant. The
-lady untied the bundle, and discovered
-an A. No. 1 salted codfish. The
-following lines, on pink initial note
-(slightly greased), were fastened to
-its tail by a blue ribbon:&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent3">“My love is boundless as the ocean,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent4">Deep as its waters my devotion.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent6">This cod, sweet maid, is salt&mdash;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent8">Salt is the ocean too;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">By logical analogy, therefore, this fish will prove<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent8">Type of my love for you.”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>Next evening, about the same
-time, another package arrived, with
-another poetic sentiment in the same
-handwriting:&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“I send a can of salmon soused,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">’Tis sweetness in the sour;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">O, would your smile the salmon was,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">In my forlorn soused hour!”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>The lady was somewhat puzzled,
-though gratified. Her father was
-somewhat puzzled, though not gratified.
-Their quandary was not lessened
-upon receiving a third delicate
-present the next evening.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“I offer my love two pounds of chipped beef,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">’Twill be nice for her breakfast or sup;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">O the love in my heart’s not at all like the beef&mdash;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">For, sweet maid, <i>that</i> can never dry up!”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page16">[16]</span></p>
-
-<p>“Can’t never dry up, eh?” said
-the old man the following evening,
-as he pulled on his thickest boots,
-and took up a commanding position
-on the front-door step. “Can’t never
-dry up, eh?&mdash;we’ll see.”</p>
-
-<p>But the mysterious messenger
-flanked him by ringing at the back
-gate.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“Sweet maid, sweet maid, O pray accept<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">This jar of pickled onions;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">They’ll tell thee of the tears I’ve wept,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">And sighs vent by the ton-ions.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">They’re round, too, like the planet Earth;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">Like earth, my love’s complete;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">May this to sweetest thoughts give birth,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">When of them you shall eat.”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>Another evening came; the old
-gentleman was again upon the step;
-the family butcher was sauntering
-carelessly by the back gate. Alas!
-in place of the youth, ’twas the
-grocer himself who called. The
-butcher did not know him; he obeyed
-instructions. On the day of the
-unfortunate man’s funeral these lines
-were read; they were found in his
-pocket, and explain the cause of his
-inopportune visit:&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“Sweet maid, sweet maid, I had a clerk,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">A taking youth was he;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">I’ve sent <i>him</i> up to Cherry Hill,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">The <i>bill</i>&mdash;I bring to thee.”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>We will dwell no longer upon this
-mournful episode, but return to our
-main subject.</p>
-
-<p>The ladies of the various ward
-committees did not confine their
-efforts to canvassing. They worked
-afghans that nobody wanted, and
-slippers that nobody could use; purchased
-desks that wouldn’t open,
-and pocket-books that wouldn’t
-shut, and raffled them off at prices
-as fancy as the goods themselves.
-They appeared in amateur theatricals
-and variety shows. Every ward
-had its <span class="sidenote">ROMEO AND<br />JULIET.</span>Romeo and its Juliet; every
-precinct its Lady Macbeth and Wellington
-De Boots. Their acting was
-wonderful and awe-inspiring. Audiences
-gazed upon them in public
-with dumb amaze, and wept in private,
-they knew not why. People
-began to look upon tickets for amateur
-performances as Japanese officials
-regard a polite invitation to
-“Hari Kari.” Call-boys and scene-shifters
-at regular theatres set up
-for luminaries. The demoralization
-of the drama was complete.</p>
-
-<p>But all these things were mere
-side dishes, to be mentioned incidentally
-in connection with the
-combined efforts, viz.:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“The Great National Tea Party,”</p>
-
-<p>“The Greater International Tea
-Party,” and</p>
-
-<p>“The Greatest Patent Loan Office
-Exhibition.”</p>
-
-<p>It is with a feeling of profound
-diffidence that we allude to them.</p>
-
-<h3>THE NATIONAL OR MARTHA
-WASHINGTON TEA PARTY.</h3>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">TOAST<br />AND TEA.</span>Under the supervision of their revered
-sovereign and her executive
-star chamber cabinet, the ladies
-transformed the Academy of Music
-and Horticultural Hall into one
-grand coffee house and sandwich
-caravansary. To save the expense
-of attendants, the aids themselves
-dispensed tea and coffee, smiles and
-gingerbread, bewitching glances and
-ham sandwiches to the thousands
-crowding the vast saloons. They attired
-themselves in old-time fashion
-to look like so many Mrs. Washingtons.
-Many a family cheerfully
-sacrificed its furniture covers to array
-its daughters in the style of costume
-made sacred by Martha. They
-stuck little blotches of black court
-plaster upon their chins, cheeks, and
-the tips of their noses, to imitate<span class="pagenum" id="Page17">[17]</span>
-her venerated pimples, and dipped
-their heads into the family flour
-barrel to make their hair look like
-to hers.</p>
-
-<p>Each ward represented one of the
-States of our Union, and the rivalry
-between their tables, though good-natured,
-was intense. At one table
-they sold tea made in Martha’s china
-tea pot; at another table they dispensed
-slices from a pie having its
-edges scalloped by her false teeth;
-while a third overtopped all competition
-and did an immense business,
-regaling customers with sausage
-manufactured from the remains of
-her pet poodle. The aids who dealt
-out this luxury seemed conscious of
-the sacred trust. Tears of patriotism
-dimmed the lustre of their lovely eyes.</p>
-
-<p>They sold nosegays at the price of
-small conservatories, but pinned
-them on coat lappels without extra
-charge. They did more. With
-apparent cheerfulness, they accompanied
-male friends to the hall below,
-where the band played, and
-with them hopped and skipped, and
-glided and dipped, as if they were
-really enjoying themselves, and not
-sacrificing comfort to love of country.</p>
-
-<p>The pecuniary result of this affair
-was most gratifying. The Finance
-Committee kindly acknowledged
-this fact to its special partner, requesting
-her to do so some more and
-keep the ball rolling. Yet still
-its grandeur was eclipsed, totally
-eclipsed, by the next great effort.</p>
-
-<h3>THE INTERNATIONAL TEA
-PARTY.</h3>
-
-<p>Between the two tea drinkings,
-however, a <i>Fête Champêtre</i> was held
-at Belmont, near the Centennial
-grounds. We wrote to France,
-Mrs. Gillespie’s native land, to find
-out what a <i>fête champêtre</i> meant.
-<span class="sidenote">THIERS ON<br />MOONSHINE.</span>Our respected friend Thiers replied.
-“You go out,” he wrote, “to some
-nice quiet spot. In the evening you
-hang a few lanterns on the trees, and
-leaving the other folks to dance, you
-yourself wander off with some ‘nearer
-and dearer one yet than all others,’
-to explore the surrounding country,
-its shadowed nooks and moonlit
-glens.” Of course we went. But
-somehow everybody else was leaving
-the others to dance and seeking
-moonshine. Never before was there
-such a demand for nooks and glens
-since nooks and glens were first invented.</p>
-
-<p>The <i>fête</i> was a perfect success as
-far as moonshine was concerned, but
-not pecuniarily. The caterer of the
-evening is wearing away his days
-in an insane asylum. Who cares
-for Champagne when they can have
-nearer and dearer ones? Who cares
-for lobster salad when they can have
-nooks and glens?</p>
-
-<p>A second tea party, to retrieve the
-reputation of the cabinet, was decided
-upon. This time, however,
-instead of representing only our
-States, all the nations of the earth
-were to be typified.</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“No pent up Utica contracts our powers;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">The world’s four boundless continents are ours.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p class="poemcredit"><span class="smcap padl10">Emma R.</span>”</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">were the suggestive lines with which
-“General orders 197” terminated.</p>
-
-<p>The aids appeared in the costumes
-which long theatrical usage has established
-as nationally characteristic.
-For three successive evenings, a thing
-of beauty and a joy for Emma enchanted<span class="pagenum" id="Page18">[18]</span>
-and astounded throngs of
-visitors, and would have been continued
-longer had not everybody
-unfortunately run out of small
-change.</p>
-
-<p>Each table was adorned by what
-the ladies fondly believed to be an
-unmistakable designating peculiarity.
-One ward went into business
-with a few yards of glazed paper
-and a Noah’s Ark, and reared up<span class="sidenote">YE MIGHTY<br />ALPS.</span>
-the mighty Alps. Shem, Ham, and
-Japhet stared blankly into futurity
-from the storied peaks; old Noah
-and his wife looked around in a bewildered
-manner as though wondering
-what the genesis they were doing
-in that locality, while their sheep,
-goats, cows, elephants, tigers, crocodiles,
-and whales jumped indiscriminately
-from crag to crag.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo020.jpg" alt="The Alps" />
-</div>
-
-<p>An odor of Swiss cheese, from the
-sandwiches, made the illusion perfect.</p>
-
-<p>The ladies of another ward had
-ingeniously built a polar bear with
-an inner structure of rags covered
-by variegated cat skins. He was a
-little lop-sided, but didn’t seem to
-mind it. He stood serenely upon a
-looking glass glacier, with tail erect,
-and the Russian flag between his
-teeth. The 8th ward (Republic of
-Lima) made a splendid display of
-Lima beans, boiled and in soup. The
-aids were not afraid to say “beans”
-to anybody.</p>
-
-<p>But the 21st ward (Isle of Man)
-carried off the prize. This committee
-had secured, at enormous
-expense, a live specimen of the
-native. He was quite docile and
-harmless; yellow whiskers, and wore
-eye-glasses. This table was the
-Mecca to which all the aids flocked
-when off duty.</p>
-
-<p>Talk about your heroines of revolutionary
-times! Bah! Do you suppose
-that Moll Pitcher would have
-donned striped leggings, a gauze
-flounce, and a sash around the shoulders,
-and wandered around like the
-Amazons in the “Black Crook,” as
-did Mrs. Vowl of the 20th ward?<span class="pagenum" id="Page19">[19]</span>
-Would Mrs. John Adams, the wife
-and mother of presidents, pattern of
-patriotism as she was&mdash;would she
-have put on spangled breeches and a
-turban of red, green, and yellow with
-a turkey’s feather in front, and
-trotted up and down the Foyer of
-the Academy with a bucket of
-lemon peel and water, calling it
-“sherbet,” and pretending not to
-notice the excruciating look which
-distorted the countenances of the
-unfortunates inveigled into investing
-in a glass and then feeling compelled
-to empty it? To these questions
-there can be but one response. You
-shall make it.</p>
-
-<p>The result of this festival was
-also satisfactory to the Finance
-Committee and to all concerned.
-The ladies were encouraged to renewed
-efforts. They racked their
-brains searching for a novel idea,
-and when did women rack in vain?
-They invented a style of exhibition
-which produced an effect such as
-the world had not witnessed since
-the Israelites emptied out Egypt.
-The war trump sounded: “Gillespie”
-was the cry. Special orders
-774 were promulgated, and that
-stupendous conception</p>
-
-<h3>THE PATENT LOAN OFFICE
-EXHIBITION</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">astonished and frightened the land.</p>
-
-<p>Everything was to be borrowed;<span class="sidenote">A LOAN&mdash;<br />AND FROM HOME.</span>
-nothing bought and still less paid
-for. The idea was attractive. A
-wide field was opened for feminine
-ingenuity. Each aid immediately
-locked <i>her own</i> umbrella carefully
-away, and called upon her friends
-when the weather was cloudy.</p>
-
-<div class="container w20em">
-<img src="images/illo021.jpg" alt="Loan Office" />
-</div>
-
-<p>The Franciscan Monastery, on Rittenhouse
-Square, was the largest
-article loaned to the Committee,
-they having declined the offer of a
-Frankford brickyard; and in this
-building the exhibition was held.
-Three beautiful gilded balls were extended
-from the attic window, and on
-them the neighboring residents gazed
-in silent rapture. A great demand
-was created for articles one hundred
-years old and upwards. Old pots,
-pans, and dishes were suddenly
-endowed with incalculable value.
-We ourselves worked industriously
-to produce relics. Our aforementioned
-relations <i>in esse</i> and <i>in posse</i>,
-acknowledged the loan of an old
-brick into which we had pounded
-a new bullet, with a fervor which
-more than repaid our disinterested
-patriotism. The sweet smile and
-kindly glance with which they accepted
-a pair of old army breeches,
-which we had purchased for seventy
-cents and riddled with augur holes,
-haunts us still. Nay, when we attended
-the exhibition, and saw an
-old lady reverently kiss a yellow
-handkerchief, which we had borrowed
-from an hostler of our acquaintance,
-and labelled “Lafayette,”
-we retired to a side apartment
-and wept tears of joy. We had afforded<span class="pagenum" id="Page20">[20]</span>
-that old lady a gratifying
-reminiscence for the remainder of
-her existence.</p>
-
-<p>The Washington family came out
-particularly strong. In a pavilion in
-the garden, seventeen aged females
-were seated. They had nursed little
-George in his baby days. With
-undisguised emotion they exhibited<span class="sidenote">GEORGE’S<br />INDIVIDUAL<br />CONTRIBUTION.</span>
-21 cradles, 66 gum rings, 423
-hatchets, and half a bottle of soothing
-syrup, all of which, they asserted,
-had been the property of the
-father of his country during his infantile
-years. They also possessed
-among them an aggregate of 34,621
-buttons, which they had purloined
-at different times from the dear
-child’s vestment.</p>
-
-<p>This was considered as George’s
-individual contribution.</p>
-
-<p>The remainder of the family were
-not behindhand. They sent a few
-of their plates, spoons, forks, ladles,
-etc.; not many, only about enough
-to start a first-class hotel. As for
-family Bibles, they must have had a
-sufficient quantity to have allowed
-each member of the family a new
-one every day of the week and two
-on Sundays. There were chairs
-and sofas enough to seat the entire
-continental army, and about five
-wagon loads of miscellaneous furniture
-and chattels. Heavens, what
-an establishment those Washingtons
-must have kept!</p>
-
-<p>It would be useless to attempt an
-enumeration of the wonders on hand
-and made to order for this occasion.
-Suffice it to say the ladies borrowed
-everything they could borrow, and
-what they couldn’t borrow they&mdash;didn’t
-have.</p>
-
-<p>Two rooms were set apart for
-broken and unbroken china, which
-(again in compliment to Mrs. Gillespie’s
-native tongue) were called
-<i>Bric a brac</i> apartments.</p>
-
-<p>The exhibition was open to the
-public for six weeks with a table
-<i>à la carte</i> in the dining-room. The
-net profit was close on to seventy-five
-dollars.</p>
-
-<p>And after all this work, after
-obtaining from them all these
-ducats, what did the centennial
-magnates say to the ladies?</p>
-
-<p>“Ladies,” said they, “we have
-taken your money; we have urged
-you to labor; we have induced
-you, in the person of our special
-partner, to travel to sister cities
-to persuade the daughters of our
-land to make a proper exhibition
-of their importance and standing in
-this home of equal rights; but, ah,
-unfortunately, we shall not be able
-to allow you any space in our
-buildings; the old women of China,
-the aged females of Timbuctoo claim
-it, and if you want to display that
-standing and importance we have
-mentioned, why&mdash;ah&mdash;here are plans
-for a building; take them, get up
-a side show for yourselves, pay for
-it yourselves, and be&mdash;happy.”</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page21">[21]</span></p>
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo023.jpg" alt="O" />
-</div>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER III.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE COOKS.” ... <span class="smcap">Who fed the flames.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">O</span>ur record would be incomplete
-if we failed to insert a few brief
-biographical sketches of some of
-the personages prominently connected
-with the conduct of the
-Centennial celebration. We regret
-being obliged to limit the
-list to a very few of the many
-deserving of the honor. The
-facts which we relate in regard
-to them, have been industriously
-gathered from many sources
-probably unknown even to the
-parties themselves. Should we
-succeed in awakening one soul
-to pure aspiring action&mdash;should
-we be the means of placing one
-pair of feet into those “footprints
-on the sands of time” which lead to honored greatness&mdash;our labor has not
-been in vain.</p>
-
-<h3>GENERAL JOSEPH NAPOLEON HAWLEY,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">the President of the Centennial Commission, was born principally in the
-State of Rhode Island, but grew so rapidly that his parents soon found it
-necessary to have him hauled over entirely into Connecticut. Here he
-flourished and grew fat among the healthy wooden nutmeg groves. He
-early displayed unmistakable evidences of genius. At the age of seven,
-he invented a tin lightning rod, and a schoolboy’s improved blowpipe of
-the same material. For this latter, his teachers passed him a vote of thanks
-through the medium of a ruler, and graduated him from the scholastic
-establishment. Shortly afterwards he originated the business of manufacturing
-paper shell almonds, but sold out advantageously to a near-sighted
-relative and entered the Artillery school at Brienne, from whence
-he soon meandered to the military academy at Paris. He instituted the
-“legion of honor,” won the battles of Marengo, Jena, Austerlitz, Eylau,
-Wagram, and some few others, and then retired to the monastery at St.
-Helena. Here he took the veil and several other articles, and leaving,
-one<span class="pagenum" id="Page22">[22]</span>
-cloudy night, worked his passage to
-London. At this metropolis he
-mixed freely with the heads of the
-nobility, opening a hat store and
-being appointed “hatter extraordinary”
-to the Queen. He pined, however,
-for the breezes of his native
-land, and when Columbia called
-upon her sons to lend a hand to the
-Centennial structure, he returned to
-America and was elected President
-of the commission.</p>
-
-<p>His bravery and prowess are
-equalled only by his genial nature
-and the style of his moustache and
-imperial. Of him the poet Horace
-(Greeley) has said,</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“Though always ready to smile with a friend,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">He never was known to re-treat.”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>Some of his enemies recently nominated
-him for Congress. Their sinister
-designs failed, however, and he
-will happily remain for some time
-longer an ornament to society and
-a credit to his country.</p>
-
-<h3>THE HON. ORESTUS CLEVELAND,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent"><span class="sidenote">OH REST US.</span>Vice President of the commission,
-was born, when quite an infant, in
-the State of Ohio. He gave such
-promise of future greatness that his
-native city was named after him.</p>
-
-<p>He was the eighteenth child of
-his parents, and was, therefore, called
-Orestus. The name was suggested
-by the friends who had been acting
-as godparents for the family. He
-must not be confounded with the
-Orestes who murdered his ma and
-was afterwards killed by the bite of
-an Arcadian serpent; he is quite a
-different sort of an Orestes.</p>
-
-<p>Through life he has been noted
-for his culture and refinement.
-These qualities he owes to his father’s
-care. The old gentleman made a
-point of polishing him off regularly
-twice a week during his youth.</p>
-
-<p>He always displayed a remarkable
-fondness for school. He could often
-be found there an hour after all the
-rest of the pupils had gone home.
-His teacher was especially fond of
-him. “Frequently,” said she to us,
-with tears in her eyes, “frequently
-did I lay him across my knee to
-more readily display the affection
-with which I regarded him.”</p>
-
-<p>When he was not at school he
-was engaged in the noble work of
-repairing and paying for the window
-panes his companions had
-smashed; in replacing fruit upon
-the trees from which they had stolen
-it, and in going to church and praying
-for their regeneration.</p>
-
-<p>His manners always continued engaging.
-Unimpressible police officers
-have been known to form an
-attachment for him, the more remarkable
-as he never encouraged
-their sociability.</p>
-
-<p>After essaying many learned professions,
-he finally concluded that
-his <i>forte</i> lay in the profession of being
-a rich man. He bought a farm near
-Camden, planted Kelley’s patent inflation
-bill, and raised money in that
-primitive fashion. After passing
-the meridian of life in honor and
-righteousness, the devil put evil
-thoughts in his mind, and he embraced
-the legal profession, to which
-he is still united.</p>
-
-<p>His front elevation is very imposing.
-His face is somewhat in the
-Corregio style, with Roman nasal
-appendage and Grecian earwings,
-doing much credit to the architect
-who designed him. He is finished<span class="pagenum" id="Page23">[23]</span>
-with a double action expanding
-chest, with corrugated windpipes,
-and he stands on two seventeen inch
-pedestals cased in patent leather.
-He was on exhibition during the
-entire continuance of the exposition.</p>
-
-<p>Of the early days of</p>
-
-<h3>MRS. EMMA D. E. N. GILLESPIE,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">but little is accurately known.
-Though historians agree upon essential
-points, there are many of those
-conflicting side issues which always
-arise from a multiplicity of traditions.
-We know, however, that at her
-birth she was taken under the especial
-patronage of the Fairy “Bookotheopera,”
-who endowed her with
-all the virtues in that fairy’s <i>repertoire</i>,
-and presented her with a beautiful
-purple pincushion with</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00"><span class="oldtype">“Welcome, Little Stranger,”</span><br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p class="noindent">blazing in the brass heads of the
-pins which it contained. It is still
-in her possession.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">CENTENNIAL<br />MYTHOLOGY.</span>She has performed many noteworthy
-deeds in addition to those
-connected with the Centennial. ’Tis
-true, she never fooled with asps or
-indulged in pearl cock-tails like
-Cleopatra; nor did she act as a spy
-during the war like Major Charlotte
-Cushman, but her quarrel with Neptune
-concerning the right of giving
-a name to Cecropia (<i>Horat.</i> 1, <i>od.</i> 16),
-deserves as much attention as either
-of the above performances.</p>
-
-<p>The inhabitants of Taurica offer
-upon her altars all the strangers
-wrecked upon their coasts as a mark
-of their appreciation of her efforts
-in establishing the American line of
-steamers (<i>Apollod.</i> 1, <i>c.</i> 4, etc.), and
-though her resentment against Paris
-(the son of Mr. Priam) was undoubtedly
-the cause of the Trojan
-war, yet the myrtle and the dove
-have ever been considered her most
-sacred emblems. Her ride upon the
-white bull is as famous as Sheridan’s
-ride to West Chester, and her patronage
-has been so extensively
-claimed by artists of all sorts, especially
-such as painters, carpenters,
-white-washers, and tea importers,
-that the poets have had occasion to
-say&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“<i>Tu nihil invita dices, faciesve Mrs. Gillespiebus.</i>”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>To her, more than to any one other
-individual, is the success of the celebration
-due. We have remarked
-her executive ability, and the manner
-in which she directed the
-nymphs of her train, and it is our
-candid opinion, that nobody could
-have been found or invented, to fill
-more perfectly a position involving
-so much annoyance, so much mental
-and physical labor, so many petty
-anxieties, and so comparatively little
-general appreciation. There are
-some debts which cannot be paid.
-We put that owing to her upon the
-list.</p>
-
-<h3>GOVERNOR BIGLER,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">the Financial Agent of the Executive
-Committee, passed his early
-youth among the vine-clad hills of
-Bucks County. He was brought up
-a sturdy farmer’s lad. Day after
-day, in the hot sun of noon, he stood
-erect in the centre of the cornfield,
-the terror of the devastating crow.</p>
-
-<p>He was not called “governor” at
-his birth; his name is <span class="sidenote">SWEET<br />WILLIAM.</span>William; the
-former title he acquired later in life
-when he married a governess.<span class="pagenum" id="Page24">[24]</span>
-Willie was very popular in the
-country school which he attended
-during the winter evenings. Upon
-several occasions his master bestowed
-a cane upon him, which token of desert
-he received with a few powerful
-and eloquent remarks and tears in
-his eyes.</p>
-
-<p>His nature was always affectionate.
-He would never visit a young
-lady the second time unless he could
-kiss her “good-bye” the first time
-he called.</p>
-
-<p>Artless to a fault, he never knew
-the use of wigs until after he married,
-and it is said that he never acquired
-his second teeth until a few
-years back.&mdash;He couldn’t have got
-them then if he hadn’t paid fifty
-dollars for them.</p>
-
-<p>Despite his gentle nature, however,
-his physical strength is immense.
-His prowess in the amphitheatre,
-his speech to his brother
-gladiators at Capua, and the able
-manner in which he defended the
-wire bridge against Mr. Porsena, of
-Andalusia, are favorite themes with
-every American school-boy.</p>
-
-<p>After the revolution he had his
-sword cut down into a set of shoemaker’s
-tools, and followed the cobbler’s
-peaceful pursuit, until the
-Centennial committee demanded his
-time and services. For this he gave
-up everything. He cheerfully immured
-himself for a time in the St.
-Nicholas Hotel, New York, living
-on rye bread and wheat whiskey,
-and enduring all sorts of hardships in
-his endeavors to collect subscriptions
-from the Dutchmen of Manhattan.
-He came home, however, in time to
-tack the roof on the main building.</p>
-
-<p>Should he again take to mercantile
-life in our midst, we cordially
-recommend him to our friends for
-“invisible patches.” His name will
-ever be high upon the list of the
-best beloved sons of the Keystone
-State.</p>
-
-<p>As</p>
-
-<h3>MR. DANIEL J. MORRELL,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent"><span class="sidenote">A SECOND DANIEL<br />COME TO JUDGMENT.</span>the Chairman of the Executive Committee,
-was changed while an infant
-in his cradle, and the child of his
-nurse substituted for him in order to
-obtain possession of the chateau and
-estates, we were not thoroughly satisfied
-that he was entitled to any
-biography. We called upon him to
-ascertain what he knew about himself,
-and were disappointed to find
-that he was not very well up upon
-the subject.</p>
-
-<p>We found him a man of fine appearance.
-He has the eye of a hawk,
-the nose of an eagle, the hair of a
-raven, and the cheek of a Colossus
-of Rhodes&mdash;with which he expects
-some day to start a museum. We
-informed him why we had called,
-and at once commenced a list of
-questions which we had taken the
-precaution to prepare.</p>
-
-<p>“As a youth, sir, were you gentle,
-with a sweet disposition?”</p>
-
-<p>“A sugar refinery, gentlemen,
-wasn’t a circumstance to me.”</p>
-
-<p>“Were you always gay and cheerful
-and generous beyond measure?”</p>
-
-<p>“I was.”</p>
-
-<p>“Were you ever in love?”</p>
-
-<p>“I decline to criminate myself.”</p>
-
-<p>“Well, Schiller loved once, Goethe
-many times, which do you consider
-the most natural?”</p>
-
-<p>“The latter, decidedly.”</p>
-
-<p>“Were you ever jealous?”</p>
-
-<p>“Once.”</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page25">[25]</span></p>
-
-<p>“How did you act towards the
-cause of this feeling?”</p>
-
-<p>“Smothered her with a pillow.”</p>
-
-<p>“Oh, then, you could be a
-Othello?”</p>
-
-<p>“I could be twenty Othellos; but,
-gentlemen, as this style of procedure
-is evidently fatiguing to you,
-suppose I relate my story without
-questioning, eh? James, a bottle
-of champagne and a box of those
-<i>victorias</i> for the gentlemen.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo027.jpg" alt="Morrell in action" />
-<p class="caption">“<span class="smcap">Your Money or Your Life.</span>”</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>“I was born,” he continued, “on
-the Island of Borneo. My mother
-was a decendant of the noble Italian
-family of McLaughlini; my father
-was also of noble birth; he never
-walked afoot; he always drove a carriage&mdash;for
-the man who owned it.
-Cast upon the world at a tender age,
-I went to England and took up my
-residence on Hounslow Heath&mdash;maybe
-you’ve heard of the place.
-Always of a playful disposition, I
-invented a pretty little game called
-‘Your money or your life,’ which
-I taught to all the lonely travellers
-who passed my neighborhood, to
-cheer them on their way. They
-generally used to leave me their
-pocket books, watches, and whatever
-valuables they had about them,
-so gratified were they with my attention.
-The Royal Family soon
-heard of me and despatched a regiment
-of guards to conduct me to
-London. Naturally modest, I endeavored
-to avoid this distinction,
-shunning a meeting with the deputation
-as long as I possibly could.
-At last I found myself compelled,
-as it were, to accompany the party.
-I was conducted to a grand stone
-building of immense proportions
-and solidity of design, in which,
-apartments had been prepared for
-me. From thence I was introduced
-at Court, and, upon the suggestion
-of the Lord Chief Justice of England,
-the apartments in the granite
-building were placed at my disposal
-for six months, after which time he<span class="pagenum" id="Page26">[26]</span>
-desired me, in the name of the government,
-to address a public meeting
-of citizens and officials from a raised
-platform, in Newgate Yard, hinting
-that the address would be followed
-by my immediate elevation to a
-high position. My sensitive nature
-shrunk from this display. Not
-wishing, however, to offend the
-gentlemen delegated to attend me,
-I remained quiet as to my plans for
-avoiding it until the opportunity I
-waited for offered. Then, weaving
-my bed clothing into a rope, I let
-myself down through the chimney
-and hurried home to America, without
-saying adieu to them. They
-were sorry to lose me, and offered
-quite a large reward for my return
-if living, or my body, if dead, designing,
-no doubt, in the latter case,
-to give me a grand funeral. But I
-have ever preferred a quiet private
-life to the elevation they tendered
-me. That is all, gentlemen.”</p>
-
-<p>“We are obliged to you, Daniel;
-good morning.”</p>
-
-<p>“Good morning: but recollect,
-gentlemen, I am entered according
-to the Act of Congress, in the
-Eastern District of Pennsylvania,
-and any infringement will be punished
-according to law; you understand?
-Good morning.”</p>
-
-<h3>THE HON. ALFRED TIMOTHY
-GOSHORN,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">Director General of the Exposition,
-was born in the State of New Jersey.
-This was, however, without collusion
-upon his part, and no one more
-sincerely regrets the circumstance
-than himself. His father cruised
-about the Spanish main, from Burlington
-to Gloucester. Some folks
-called him a free-booter; he was
-only this, however, when young
-Alfred misbehaved himself or the
-tide ran the wrong way. Our hero
-was a very promising lad. He was
-ever ready to promise anything. He
-was of a domestic turn of mind and
-could generally be found in the
-vicinity of the kitchen, especially
-when cakes and pies were in process
-of preparation. After a course of
-studies at Yale, Harvard, Princeton,
-and Cornell, his parents transferred
-him to a public school to acquire
-the arts of reading and writing and
-the rudiments of arithmetic.</p>
-
-<p>Early in life he joined the temperance
-movement, but resigned when
-he grew too big to parade with the
-cadets. He adopted the profession
-of the law, and rose as rapidly as
-a schoolmaster from a tack-lined
-chair. He was appointed minister
-to the court of St. James. He
-preached there until the Saint
-moved out of the court, and he
-then took entire charge of the
-Crystal Palace Exhibition of ’44,
-after which he swam across the
-Hellespont and returned to Philadelphia.</p>
-
-<p>An aunt in Cincinnati died and
-left him a large pork sausage manufactory.
-After entering into a contract
-with the Philadelphia dog-catchers,
-he moved West to take
-possession of, and run the mill. He
-assumed a leading position in the
-city’s trade, was made president
-of the Commercial Exchange, and
-in this capacity was selected as
-director of the Cincinnati Industrial
-Exhibition.</p>
-
-<p>This double experience made him
-of course <span class="sidenote">THE<br />RIGHT MAN.</span>the most available citizen
-to take charge of the Centennial<span class="pagenum" id="Page27">[27]</span>
-Celebration. The manner in which
-he performed the arduous duties of
-the office, and their effect upon his
-once robust constitution, may be
-conceived if the reader will but
-glance at Gutekunst’s latest photograph
-of Timothy, which may be
-found, full length, upon the <a href="#Ref1">back
-cover</a> of this volume. He is going
-into the sausage business again to
-recuperate.</p>
-
-<p>Taken altogether and without
-exception, we may feel justly proud
-of our countrymen and women who
-labored so faithfully for the honor
-of our common nationality. We
-trust our country may be as blessed
-in noble hearts, generous souls and
-gifted minds, at her next Centennial
-Anniversary, and that we may all
-be here to meet them.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo029.jpg" alt="E" />
-</div>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER IV.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE LOOKERS ON.” ... <span class="smcap">Who came to be warmed.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">E</span>arly in 1876 the actual hard
-work of the Commissioners began.<span class="sidenote">WELL DONE,<br />OH RARE OFFICIALS!</span>
-During the months of February,
-March, and April, they were kept
-busy day and night, receiving,
-sorting, and arranging the goods
-forwarded for exhibition. The
-Adams Express Company ran its
-wagons directly up to the back
-door of the buildings, but as usual
-left all the packages on the sidewalk.
-It was a goodly, a grandly
-beautiful sight, to behold the Director
-General carrying huge
-packing boxes upon his shoulders
-while the dew of honest toil
-coursed adown his noble brow, or to look upon the great Orestes heaving
-bags and bundles to Willie Bigler, who stood in the doorway and caught
-them on the fly. The boys of the District Telegraph Company stood
-around watching the exhilarating sight, only finding tongue in their
-admiring wonder to encourage the gentlemen with kind remarks and
-well-meant advice. Many Foreign Commissioners were also on hand
-during this time. To look upon their varied costumes was suggestive of
-the grand army in a spectacular drama, with the managers short of uniforms;
-to listen to their varied tongues was suggestive of the building of
-Babel’s tower.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page28">[28]</span></p>
-
-<p>The daily travel to the Park and
-the vicinity of the buildings was immense.
-Thousands hurried thither
-regularly to see what they could
-pick up. Broken china, Japan ware,
-German silver, French glass, half
-Spanish cigars&mdash;nothing came amiss.</p>
-
-<p>The Market Street Passenger Railway
-Company reduced fares to five
-cents to catch the bulk of the traffic.
-Next day the Chestnut and Walnut
-Street line lowered their rates to four
-cents, carrying bundles free and no
-questions asked. The Race and Vine
-Street Company, appreciating the
-situation, carried passengers for three
-cents, presenting each one with a
-chromo of the Bridge across the
-Delaware. This was but the beginning
-of the famous tramway war,
-which continued with variations
-during the entire Exposition. Before
-its close the Market Street line
-was paying passengers seven cents
-apiece to ride with them, while the
-newly established “People’s Line”
-presented each patron with four
-shares of stock <span class="sidenote">LODGINGS FOR<br />SINGLE GENTLEMEN.</span>and a night’s lodging
-in their spacious depot.</p>
-
-<p>But the city, ah, the city! It
-really seemed as if everybody who
-proposed attending the Exposition
-had resolved to be present at its
-opening. Every nook and corner,
-highway and byway, where a tired
-stranger could rest his wearied head,
-was engaged, taken up, appropriated;
-and those dilatory ones who delayed
-securing accommodations (notably
-some of the most distinguished
-guests) were obliged to pay the
-penalty of their procrastination.</p>
-
-<p>Imagine it to be the month of
-May. According to a popular fallacy
-this is the month of flowers and
-gentle zephyrs; according to Jayne’s
-almanac it is a first-rate time to take
-one of his excellent remedies for invigorating
-the system.</p>
-
-<p>On the tenth day of this month
-the Exposition is to be opened. The
-city has cut entirely loose from its
-Quaker traditions. It is clad in
-banners, flags, garlands, arches, and
-emblems. Many private residences
-are painted to represent the American
-flag; numerous clothes-lines offer
-to the breezes various shaped streamers
-of red, white, blue, and orange-colored
-flannel. All the lamp-posts
-have been silver-plated; every telegraph
-pole has been varnished; every
-wire enamelled. For weeks the inhabitants
-have not gone to bed. An
-ingenious invention in the shape of
-an inflatable pocket-pillow enables
-them to take standing naps against
-walls, buildings, and fire-plugs.</p>
-
-<p>The guns at the Navy Yard continually
-herald distinguished arrivals.
-The streets are thronged with
-citizens, tourists, American and foreign
-officers and soldiers, the advance
-guard of every country to be
-represented. ’Tis like an animated
-waxwork exhibition. Receptions,
-banquets, and serenades are of hourly
-occurrence.</p>
-
-<p>Many side streets are converted
-into airy lodgings. Families have
-rented out their door-steps, charging
-double price when their door-mats
-are used. A new industry has arisen,
-and hostlers are deserting the stables
-to carry shaving water for, and attend
-to the visitors thus accommodated.
-It is a common thing, on the
-way down town in the morning, to
-pass an early riser making his toilette
-under difficulties, while a lazier companion
-snores away complacently
-with his head against the alley-gate.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page29">[29]</span></p>
-
-<p>The seventh day of the month was
-one to be remembered with pride
-forever. Early in the day the Chevalier
-De Lafayette arrived with the
-gentlemen of the French Commission
-and secured quarters at the
-“Guy House.” In consideration
-of his ancestor’s great services, the
-proprietor rated the Chevalier’s
-board at six hundred francs per
-diem, and as a delicate compliment
-to his national feelings, assigned him
-an apartment in the French roof.
-Before he departed the Chevalier
-ascertained to his complete satisfaction
-why this hotel was called the
-Guy House.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo031.jpg" alt="Lodgings" />
-</div>
-
-<p>On the evening after their arrival,
-a reception was tendered the Chevalier
-and his companions by our citizens.
-Col. Fitzgerald was selected
-to deliver the address of welcome on
-account of his Parisian manners, the
-elegance of costume which distinguishes
-him from his fellows, and
-for his general epileptic fitness. We
-give a report of his speech copied
-from the “City Item” of the succeeding
-day. We are, therefore, prepared
-to vouch for its correctness.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">LA BLESSING<br />DE MON PERE.</span>“<i>Messieurs</i>: God bless you all;
-you are noble men; we are all noble
-men; a noble man’s the honest work
-of God. God bless Paris; God bless
-Philadelphia&mdash;they are both noble
-cities! May He bless the <i>Champs
-Elysées</i>; may He bless the <i>Column
-Vendome</i>; may He bless the <i>Hotel
-de Ville</i>, and, <i>entre nous</i>, while we
-are upon this subject, God bless the
-<i>Abattoir</i>. (Great applause.)</p>
-
-<p>“<i>Parlez vous, Messieurs</i> (laughter),
-I greet you all. I stand before you
-a relic of the past&mdash;of a noble past&mdash;of
-a gigantic past&mdash;of a&mdash;a&mdash;<i>sacre a
-la pain et fromage</i> (increased laughter)&mdash;God
-bless the past! (Cheers.)</p>
-
-<p>“<i>Ate fif tesix five</i>: General Grant
-is a great man; he is a good man;
-he is a noble man. In his name I
-bid you welcome. God bless General
-Grant, our noble President, our Chief
-Executive. (Cheers and applause of
-five minutes’ duration.)</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page30">[30]</span></p>
-
-<p>“The press, <i>Messieurs</i>, the press!
-I represent that gigantic instrument
-of civilization. I have a family devoted
-to the press. Should supplies
-of printers’ ink give out, they would
-spill their dearest blood to keep it
-running. <i>Je suis</i>, pardon me, <i>Messieurs</i>,
-if I pause to bless them (cries
-of ‘do,’ ‘do’). God bless them all!
-<i>Ate fif tesix five.</i> (Immense applause.)</p>
-
-<p>“I greet you as brothers, <i>eau de
-vie</i>. I have been to Paris. I have
-visited the <i>Pont Neuf</i>. I have stood
-on that bridge at midnight, I have
-gazed at the flowing tide, with the
-shining stars above me and my
-family by my side. (Cheers.)</p>
-
-<p>“I have walked along the <i>Champs
-Elysées</i>:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Noble walk!</p>
-
-<p>“Glorious promenade!</p>
-
-<p>“I have looked upon the <i>Column
-Vendome</i>:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Magnificent monument!</p>
-
-<p>“Sublime creation!</p>
-
-<p>“I have examined the exterior of
-the <i>Hotel de Ville</i>:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“In short, <i>Messieurs</i>, I have been
-to Paris; ’tis no more than just that
-you should come to Philadelphia.
-(Laughter and applause.)</p>
-
-<p>“Philadelphia and Paris! (Cheers.)</p>
-
-<p>“Paris and Philadelphia! (Cheers.)</p>
-
-<p>“Noble cities!</p>
-
-<p>“God bless you all. <i>Ate fif tesix
-five.</i> (Paroxysmal applause.)”</p>
-
-<p>The Chevalier responded in very
-fair French. He was attired in his
-national costume. He wore a Lyons
-velvet coat trimmed with Valenciennes
-lace, a white Marseilles vest, and
-French <i>papeterie</i> knee-breeches; his
-hair was powdered with Paris white.
-Later in the evening the Commission
-was serenaded by the German Singing
-Societies. They executed the
-<i>Marseillaise</i> with great spirit and
-effect.</p>
-
-<p>The same day the junk of Prince
-Kung, the Regent of the Orphan of
-the Sun, the Child Emperor of China,
-arrived in the Delaware.<span class="sidenote">DIE WACHT<br />AM DELAWARE.</span> The vessel
-was brilliantly illuminated with
-Chinese lanterns, and a band of native
-musicians discoursed sweet
-music from the forward poop upon
-their wooden accordeons and pipes
-of reed. The Prince was a lantern-jawed
-sort of an individual with a
-candle-wicked eye. He and his suite
-were met by a delegation of laundrymen
-at Poplar Street wharf. Sam
-Wing, Esq., extended them an invitation
-to attend an opium banquet
-next day at the hall of the Bedford
-Street Mission.</p>
-
-<p>While this reception was in progress
-up town, the firing of guns and
-ringing of bells announced the arrival
-of the Imperial German Commission.</p>
-
-<p>Fifty thousand German citizens
-lined Walnut Street dock and the
-floating palaces in the vicinity, and
-no sooner had Prince Bismarck and
-his comrades touched land, than
-they were lifted bodily into several
-of Bergner &amp; Engel’s beer wagons,
-which were in waiting. The crowd,
-removing the horses from the wagons
-and the bungs from the kegs provided,
-proceeded to draw both the
-wagons and the beer. Previous to
-starting, however, Alderman McMullin,
-who had been delegated for the
-pleasing duty by the German Society,
-spoke briefly as follows:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Respected Dutchmen: The proudest
-occasion of my eventful career is
-the present&mdash;to be permitted to welcome
-to this new world, this republic
-of an hundred years, the flower<span class="pagenum" id="Page31">[31]</span>
-of the great German Empire under
-auspices so favorable and inspiring.
-Not even when marshalling the once
-famous ‘Moya’ to do battle with the
-devouring element, consuming in its
-fury the massive storehouse, the
-busy factory, the domestic hearth&mdash;aye,
-and life, dear life itself&mdash;not
-even when the bullet of the assassin
-found a resting-place within my
-weakened frame, did I experience
-the thrill of sublime pride, the glorious
-impulse of friendship and common
-humanity, which now animates
-my being. For know there is between
-us a bond of sympathy which
-the boundless intervening ocean
-cannot sever. William is my name,
-and it is likewise the name of my
-respected friend, your honored sovereign.
-Like me, he is simple in his
-tastes; like me, he is renowned for
-his courage and determination.</p>
-
-<p>“I desire that you should carry
-home with you a high opinion of
-our manners and institutions, and
-many, very many, pleasant reminiscences
-of your visit. I trust we
-shall meet frequently and become
-quite sociable during your stay. I
-invite you all to dine with me to-morrow.”</p>
-
-<p>Prof. Max Müller responded, with
-the accent of a Latin grammar.</p>
-
-<p>“Mr. Mickmullion, and gentlemen,”
-said he, “I thank you for
-this welcome in the name of the
-Emperor, his Highness Prince Bismarck,
-my colleagues, and myself.
-For years have I desired to visit
-this country for the purpose of making
-a geological examination. During
-your eloquent remarks I have
-taken the opportunity of analyzing
-a handful of the soil. To my intense
-gratification I find it to average
-a conglomeration or semi-crystalline
-gneissoid of dark brown
-hematite, or, perhaps, a combination
-of barytes manganese with carbonate
-of strontia. You will frequently
-notice that the debituminization
-of these silicious formations will
-degenerate in quality&mdash;at times ferruginous
-layers of volatile diorite
-form component parts. I have no
-doubt that you, Mr. Mucksquillion,
-have frequently arrived at similar
-conclusions.</p>
-
-<p>“So, again thanking you for your
-kind reception, I assure you I appreciated
-the finish of your remarks.”</p>
-
-<p>Prince Bismarck was then taken
-in charge by Archbishop Wood,
-who had a hammock swung for him
-in the Cathedral.<span class="sidenote">OUR BOYS&mdash;<br />FRITZ
-AND WALES.</span> “Unser Fritz,” the
-Emperor, and the commissioners
-were driven to the German Hospital.
-They declined communication of
-any kind, save an underground
-communication with Bergner and
-Engel’s Brewery. In the evening,
-however, they were serenaded by the
-<i>Société Française</i>. “Die Wacht am
-Rhein” was sung with much feeling.</p>
-
-<p>On this eventful day the Hon. Morton
-McMichael presided professionally
-at four banquets.</p>
-
-<p>The day following this is also
-one to be looked back to with gratification.
-The Irish Rifle Team
-arrived with the dawn, and was
-greeted with a beautiful sunrise,
-very cleverly arranged by Professor
-Jackson. The team acted as escort
-to the Prince of Wales and suite.
-Since his return from India, the
-Prince had been in rather reduced
-circumstances. Although scrupulously
-clean, his coat was somewhat
-threadbare, and his beaver gave
-evidence of frequent brushing.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page32">[32]</span></p>
-
-<p>His Highness and suite were
-quartered at the house of the
-Spring Garden Soup Society; the
-team secured accommodations at a
-first-class livery stable.</p>
-
-<p>These distinguished guests were
-received by General Franz Sigel,
-who remarked that he was glad to
-see them looking so fresh and green;
-that he liked fresh and green folks
-to come to this country. He advised
-them all to come back when
-they went home and get naturalized.
-He said that the ladder of Fame
-was waiting for Irishmen, and all
-they had to do was to come and
-climb. He wanted them to carry
-home a good opinion and leave as a
-remembrance the contents of their
-wallets. His remarks were received
-with hearty cheers.</p>
-
-<p>Wales suffered considerably during
-the trip over. He says the
-company of the riflemen completely
-demoralized him. He might say he
-was half shot when he was half seas
-over.</p>
-
-<p>About noon the Spanish delegation
-arrived in Jersey city. They
-landed from the ferry boat in high
-good humor. The commission, composed
-of the <i>elite</i> of Spanish chivalry,
-included the following distinguished
-names:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>Senor Concha Maduro.</p>
-
-<p>Don Felix Estra-Maduro (cousin
-of the above).</p>
-
-<p>Count Flor Del Fumar.</p>
-
-<p>His Highness Reina De Victoria,
-and</p>
-
-<p>Don Regalia De la Palma.</p>
-
-<p>These gentlemen proceeded quietly
-and unostentatiously to their rooms
-on the seventh floor of the Colonnade
-Hotel. They were waited upon by
-the leading cigar dealers of the city,
-who offered their spacious establishment
-as headquarters.</p>
-
-<p>Towards night the Duke of
-Gloucester and Red Bank arrived
-at South Street wharf. He had an
-apartment reserved for him on top
-of the Christian Street Shot Tower,
-to which he repaired at once.</p>
-
-<p>Pere Hyacinth came on the same
-vessel, and was taken in charge by
-the Horticultural Society. They
-lodged him cosily in the southeast
-corner of the State-house steeple.
-He says he liked his lodgings very
-much, but the rarefaction of the air
-was such that he could hear his
-watch ticking all night long.</p>
-
-<p>The Emperor of Brazil arrived at
-a very late hour and bunked temporarily
-back of the main chimney of
-the Girard House.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">THE “ALMS HOUSE”<br />REGISTER.</span>The following guests registered at
-the Alms House.</p>
-
-<p>Victor Emanuel of Italy, wife,
-three masters and three misses
-Emanuel.</p>
-
-<p>Mr. Khedive, of Egypt, with
-seven Madames Khedive. Family
-left at home.</p>
-
-<p>Professor Tyndale,&mdash;London.</p>
-
-<p>Joseph II. of Austria, wife and
-mother-in-law.</p>
-
-<p>General Von Moltke, Prussian
-Army. (He had unfortunately
-missed the train which had brought
-his copatriots, and was very warm
-upon his arrival.)</p>
-
-<p>Mr. McMichael presided at seven
-banquets this day, at one of which
-he read a telegram from Queen Victoria,
-accepting with thanks the
-apartments kindly tendered her by
-Engine No. 10.</p>
-
-<p>Next day, the 9th inst., the city’s
-pulsometer was at fever heat.</p>
-
-<p>Brigham Young and family arrived<span class="pagenum" id="Page33">[33]</span>
-from Utah per Centennial R. R.
-special train, forty-four cars. Brigham
-said he wanted to give the
-little ones an excursion. They were
-located under sheds at Point Breeze
-Park.</p>
-
-<p>On this evening, too, a most remarkable
-event occurred. During
-the day the City Solicitor of Philadelphia,
-who is also a military commander
-of renown, in addressing a
-meeting of some of his contemporary
-warriors, including Bismarck, Von
-Moltke, MacMahon, and others, remarked
-that he would meet them
-upon the morrow at Memorial Hall,
-during the opening ceremonies. Immediately
-a special meeting of city
-councils was convened, and the following
-preamble and resolutions
-presented and unanimously adopted.</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Whereas</span>, An International Exposition
-was held at Vienna, in the
-year 1873; and <span class="smcapall">WHEREAS</span>, upon the
-day the City Solicitor of Philadelphia
-carried into effect his predeclared
-intention of visiting said
-Exposition the roof of the buildings
-fell in, doing great damage and causing
-great excitement; and <span class="smcapall">WHEREAS</span>,
-the same City Solicitor has announced
-his purpose of visiting our
-Centennial buildings to-morrow;
-and <span class="smcapall">WHEREAS</span>, it is our bounden
-duty to provide against the occurrence
-of any like disaster to our
-International Exposition, and especially
-from the same cause which
-affected the Vienna affair, be it
-hereby</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Resolved</span>, That the interests of
-the Exhibition demand the incarceration
-of the individual above
-alluded to.</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Resolved</span>, That he be immediately
-placed in irons and confined
-in the vaults of the Knickerbocker
-Ice Company<span class="sidenote">ON ICE.</span> until the close of the
-Exposition.</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Resolved</span>, That every attention
-be paid to him in his confinement,
-and that the Knickerbocker Ice
-Company be allowed $93.77 per
-diem for his support and the ice required
-to keep him cool.</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Resolved</span>, That he be produced
-for one hour each Wednesday morning
-at the Supreme Court Rooms, to
-deliver opinions on municipal affairs,
-that the city may suffer no more
-than necessary from this unavoidable
-action.</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Resolved</span>, That he be supplied
-with the ‘Times’ newspaper daily,
-and be allowed unlimited rations of
-lemons, sugar, and whatever liquid
-he may desire, to mix with his
-ice.”</p>
-
-<p>At four o’clock in the morning,
-the subject of these resolutions was
-awakened from his innocent slumbers
-and hurried into a Knickerbocker
-ice wagon by detectives,
-with black masks over their faces.
-He struggled bravely, but&mdash;<i>pro bono
-publico&mdash;principiis obsta</i>.</p>
-
-<div class="container w20em">
-<img src="images/illo035.jpg" alt="Put on ice" />
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page34">[34]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak allclear"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER V.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE CRACKLING.” ... <span class="smcap">Preparations for the blaze.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo036.jpg" alt="T" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">T</span>he morning smiled bright, and the
-mist rose on high, and the lark whistled
-“Hail Columbia” in the clear
-sky, on the tenth day of May, 1876,
-the day set apart for, and consecrated
-to, the opening of the Centennial Exposition.</p>
-
-<p>Old Probabilities himself was in
-the city, with his weather eye open.
-Early in the morning he fixed the
-barometer in front of McAllister’s at
-“set fair,” arranged the thermometer
-at 65°, and engaged a refreshing southern
-breeze to be around lively during
-the entire day. After this he ate his
-breakfast, enjoying a quiet conscience
-and a correspondingly good appetite.</p>
-
-<p>Shortly before daylight a very curious incident occurred&mdash;fortunately it
-ended happily.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">OH SHAH,<br />WHAT A FUSS!</span>The Shah of Persia, his son John, and the Sultan of Turkey, arrived
-together at Broad and Prime Street Depot. The city being weary of
-receiving dignitaries, no official and but little private notice was taken
-of their arrival. They jumped into a Union Line car. Unthinkingly, the
-Sultan put a dollar bill into the “Slawson box,” and then demanded his
-change from the conductor. Of course, the conductor was unable to open
-the box, and refused to give it to him, telling him he deserved to lose it
-for his stupidity. The Sultan became furious.</p>
-
-<p>“My change,” he cried; “I want my change, and I’m going to have it;
-seven cents for me, seven cents for the Shah, and four cents for little Shah,
-that’s eighteen cents; give me eighty-two cents change. You can’t cheat
-me, you swindling Americans!”</p>
-
-<p>Again the conductor refused and remonstrated; the Sultan was perfectly
-wild with rage; he drew his scimetar, and caught that conductor
-by the throat, and there would certainly have been an immediate vacancy
-for a conductor on the Union Line, had not Mr. McMichael been just
-then returning from a late banquet. Mr. McMichael, being a sportsman,
-was thoroughly conversant with wild turkey gobble; he smoothed matters
-over. He refunded the eighty-two cents from his own pocket, took
-the<span class="pagenum" id="Page35">[35]</span>
-Eastern monarchs home with him,
-and afterwards secured them a bed
-in the coal cellar of the House of
-Correction, apologizing to them because
-they were obliged to share it
-with Mr. Carlyle, the English essayist.</p>
-
-<div class="container w30em">
-<img src="images/illo037a.jpg" alt="Conductor and Sultan" />
-</div>
-
-<p>The Egyptian Sphynx, kindly
-loaned by the Khedive, also arrived
-in the morning, and was at once
-placed in position on Belmont Avenue.
-We regret being obliged to
-record the disgraceful fact, that it
-was entirely carried away in small
-bits by relic fiends before night.
-The Khedive immediately presented
-a bill of damages to the President,
-and levied on the Exhibition buildings
-<i>in toto</i>, the Capitol at Washington,
-and Mayor Stokley’s house on
-Broad Street. Happily the matter
-was amicably settled. The President
-promised the Khedive that
-Congress should have a new Sphynx
-made for him, a much better one
-than that destroyed, of bronze, and
-with all modern improvements. The
-order was subsequently given to
-Messrs. Robt. Wood &amp; Co., of Philadelphia,
-and before the close of the
-Exposition they shipped to Cairo a
-bronze Sphynx, which will certainly
-add greatly to the attractions of
-the desert. We doubt not that the
-Messrs. Wood will receive orders for
-bronze Pyramids, provided they will
-take the old ones in part payment.</p>
-
-<div class="container w15em">
-<img src="images/illo037b.jpg" alt="" />
-<p class="caption">THE MODERN SPHYNX.</p>
-</div>
-
-<p>The proprietor of the <i>Public
-Ledger</i> was so pleased with the
-Sphynx which our Philadelphia firm
-turned out, that he immediately
-ordered a duplicate for his back
-garden. He also composed the following
-touching lines<span class="sidenote">AND HIS RHYME,<br />IT WAS CHIL-DLIKE<br />AND BLAND.</span> for the poet’s
-corner of his journal. A copy of
-them, translated into Egyptian characters,
-was sent to the Eastern potentate
-with the Sphynx:&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent3">“Egypt had a little Sphynx,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">It was her pride and wonder,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent4">She sent it to Amerikay,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Where it was knocked to thunder.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent4">This ’ffliction sore, poor Egypt bore,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Her grief seemed all in vain,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent4">Till one as good was made by Wood,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">And Egypt smiled again.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Gone to take the place of the<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent20"><span class="smcap">Original One</span>.”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>The great feature of the day was</p>
-
-<h3>THE PROCESSION,</h3>
-
-<p class="noindent">the march from Independence Square
-to the Exposition grounds. We
-shall endeavor, in brief style, not to
-do justice to, but to give some slight
-account of the grandest pageant
-which any nation has yet witnessed
-in its midst.</p>
-
-<p>The immense body, consisting of
-representative military from every
-nation under the sun and in the
-shade, was divided into two hundred
-and forty divisions, each with
-a commanding general and aids.<span class="sidenote">BENJAMIN’S<br />COAT.</span><span class="pagenum" id="Page36">[36]</span>
-General Joseph E. Johnston, of
-Georgia, was to have been Grand
-Marshal. His uncle Andrew being
-dead, unfortunately, he was obliged
-to have his only military coat repaired
-by a tailor who was not
-punctual, and who failed to express
-it to him in time. General Butler,
-of Massachusetts, however, who
-happened to have two coats with
-him, very kindly loaned one to
-Johnston, who appeared in the
-afternoon. Attached to the back
-of the loaned garment was a neat
-show-card, bearing this inscription&mdash;</p>
-
-<p class="board">ANOTHER BRIDGE<br />
-<span class="fsize70">ACROSS THE</span><br />
-<span class="fsize110"><b>BLOODY CHASM.</b></span><br />
-<span class="fsize70">THE TRIBUTE OF</span><br />
-MASSACHUSETTS<br />
-<span class="fsize70">TO</span><br />
-GEORGIA.</p>
-
-<div class="container w15em">
-<img src="images/illo038.jpg" alt="Butler's coat with board" />
-</div>
-
-<p>The General was lustily cheered
-wherever he went, and General Butler
-was the subject of more praise
-during this day, than during any
-portion of his life subsequent to his
-occupation of New Orleans.</p>
-
-<p>The position of honor, the First
-Division, was given to the Philadelphia
-regiments by a unanimous vote
-of the generals of divisions.</p>
-
-<p>Col. Hill and Dale Benson led off
-with his command, which appeared
-for the first time in its new uniform.
-The immense black fur muffs,
-which the members borrowed from
-their sisters and wore upon their
-heads, gave them a very ferocious
-appearance, though most of their
-noses were completely hidden from
-view. Company “C” attracted particular
-attention. It had adopted a
-new “hop” for marching, which was
-both graceful and unique, though
-evidently fatiguing.</p>
-
-<p>The “State Fencibles” turned out
-in fine style. With their accustomed
-liberality they presented arms
-to all the pretty girls they met on the
-way. The “City Troop” brought
-up the rear of the division. These
-warriors were arrayed in all their
-awful panoply of war&mdash;white ties
-and white kid gloves, with gold
-<i>vinaigrettes</i>, containing salts and extracts,
-dangling from their belts.
-Their horses were also supplied with
-<i>vinaigrettes</i>, which they sniffed occasionally
-in lieu of their usual odor&mdash;the
-smoke of battle. The Troop
-carried a magnificent banner, inscribed&mdash;</p>
-
-<p class="board"><span class="smcap fsize90">First in Peace&mdash;First in War&mdash;<br />
-and<br />
-First in the Hearts of their</span><br />
-<span class="oldtype fsize125">Countrywomen.</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">And, on the reverse side&mdash;</p>
-
-<p class="board"><span class="fsize70">PRESENTED TO THE</span><br />
-CITY TROOP OF PHILADELPHIA<br />
-<span class="fsize70">BY THEIR</span><br />
-<span class="fsize80">LADY FRIENDS AND ADMIRERS,</span><br />
-<span class="fsize70">AT THEIR</span><br />
-<span class="fsize80">FIRST ANNUAL PICNIC,</span><br />
-<span class="smcap fsize80">Schuylkill Falls Park, July 1, 1872.</span></p>
-
-<p>The Pennsylvania Veterans, G.
-A. R., marched in the centre of the<span class="pagenum" id="Page37">[37]</span>
-Second Division, and a moving incident
-occurred as they passed by
-the Mint near Broad Street.</p>
-
-<p>The first distinguished warrior to
-appear was Colonel Mann, the hero
-of ~0007 fights, mounted upon the
-gallant steed which had borne him
-safely through them all. Along the
-route, his iron front proudly erect,
-his bronzed and battered features
-flushed with the nobility of a natural
-pride, he was greeted by the enthusiastic
-cheers of the assembled
-thousands. Maidens from beyond
-the seas&mdash;officers (no mean heroes
-themselves) from the armies of the
-old world, joined in the gracious
-tumult. One bald-headed veteran
-(a Marshal of the Windsor Castle
-Guards, who had left a leg at Balaklava,
-an arm at Waterloo, an eye
-in the Crimea, and who expected to
-distribute the rest of himself upon
-various other battle-fields before he
-died) turned to the Chevalier De
-Lafayette, who with Senator Sam
-Josephs occupied the barouche with
-him, and asked&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Who is passing, Chevalier, that
-the people appear so excited?”</p>
-
-<p>“<i>Quely vous motre dio</i>, do you really
-not know?” exclaimed the Chevalier,
-“Zat is, <i>graciosa poverisi</i>, zat is
-ze Kunel Mann, <i>pardieu</i>, ze great
-Kunel Mann.”</p>
-
-<p>“What!” shouted the veteran, and
-pulling from his coat the diamond
-order of “St. George and the Dragon
-fly” which blazed among an hundred
-others upon his breast, he rose
-in his coach and flung it gracefully
-to the Colonel, who caught it quite
-as gracefully upon the fly. At this
-moment a great shout arose. The
-populace imagined that a shot had
-been fired at the Colonel, that an
-attempt had been made to assassinate
-their pet hero.<span class="sidenote">THE PET OF<br />THE
-POPULACE.</span> The mob rushed
-for the carriage which contained the
-veteran, with cries of “kill him,”
-etc. etc. The Colonel took in the
-situation at a glance. Rising in his
-stirrups he spread wide his arms to
-show he was uninjured.</p>
-
-<p>“Hold,” he shouted, in that same
-voice of loud and deep toned beauty
-which oft had brought the briny
-tears to eyes of hardened criminals
-in the dock, “Hold; he is my friend:
-he has given me this badge (‘Cape
-May diamonds,’ he added <i>sotto voce</i>);
-who touches a hair of his bald
-head, dies like a dog&mdash;march on,”
-he said.</p>
-
-<p>The cries for vengeance changed
-to wild cheers of joy, and the procession
-moved on.</p>
-
-<p>The Foreign Divisions followed
-the Pennsylvanians in rotation
-adopted by lot. The Caledonian
-club was a marked feature of the
-English Division among which it
-was numbered, being the only representation
-from Scotland. The members
-appeared in full Highland costume,
-kilt, sash, and checker-board
-stockings. The chiefs danced the
-Highland Fling all along the route
-to the inspiring strains of the regimental
-bagpipes. The company of
-Orangemen with their Lemon aids
-was also a part of this division; they
-were commanded by Col. Terrence
-McDougall.</p>
-
-<p>The brigade of French Chasseurs
-in the Fifth Division, commanded
-by Marshal Benzine, presented a
-splendid appearance, and wore the
-strings of doughnuts which were
-thrown around their shoulders with
-a truly fascinating French <i>abandon</i>.</p>
-
-<p>The “French Lancers,” in the<span class="pagenum" id="Page38">[38]</span>
-same division, danced the quadrille
-named after them at each lamp-post
-along the line.</p>
-
-<p>A number of survivors of the late
-French war were carried along in
-Sedan chairs. This must have been
-a sad sight for Frenchmen. We are
-not Frenchmen.</p>
-
-<p>The German Landsturm soldiers
-were artistically decorated with
-pretzels and oranges. Their division
-was preceded by the Emperor William
-and his family, drawn in one
-of the ambulances of the German
-Hospital, the horses being appropriately
-decorated with German and
-American bunting.</p>
-
-<p>The Austrian Grenadiers (division
-seventy), carried a miniature hydrant,
-emblematic of temperance;
-also an open Bible on a velvet cushion.</p>
-
-<p>The Centennial managers were
-somewhat annoyed by the appearance
-in line of a commission from
-the African interior, which insisted
-on taking part in the procession, or
-eating the Director General. They
-marched along in their native costume,
-consisting of a skewer through
-their back hair.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo040.jpg" alt="African delegation" />
-</div>
-
-<p>Of course <i>they</i> were not aware of
-anything out of the way in their get
-up, but Mr. Goshorn said that rather
-than have the thing occur again, <span class="sidenote">GOSHORN’S<br />NOBLE
-RESOLVE.</span>he
-would sacrifice himself on the altar
-of propriety, and be eaten. His
-brother commissioners encouraged
-him in this resolve.</p>
-
-<p>Immediately after the Foreign Divisions,
-came the “National Centennial
-Guards,” formed of companies
-from the thirteen original States.
-They were headed by Generals
-Grant, Sherman, Butler, and Hartranft,
-and were followed by the Centennial
-Commissioners in barouches.</p>
-
-<p>The Commissioners were paired
-off with foreign civil dignitaries
-and potentates. The Prince of
-Wales was inveigled into a carriage
-with two of our city officials: he
-left for home next day. Queen Victoria
-(his mother) enjoyed the society
-of the Chief of the Fire Department:
-she remained until the close
-of the Exposition.</p>
-
-<p>One carriage was cheered vociferously.
-It contained Vice-President
-Wilson, Mr. Jefferson Davis, Simon
-Cameron, and Robert Toombs.</p>
-
-<p>The American divisions, which
-included companies and regiments
-from every State and city in the
-Union, succeeded the barouches. A
-great many of these organizations
-brought their own bands with them,
-or as the saying is, “blew their own
-horns,” but many others depended
-upon the well-known musical resources
-of Philadelphia. They discovered
-that delays were dangerous.
-They had to do the best they could.</p>
-
-<p>The “Duquesne Greyhounds,” of
-Pittsburgh, were preceded by Signor<span class="pagenum" id="Page39">[39]</span>
-Maccaroni’s band&mdash;two harps and a
-female violinist, while the “Charleston
-Fusileers” were obliged to fusileer
-to the strains of seven jews-harps,
-kindly volunteered by juvenile
-American talent.</p>
-
-<p>A noticeable company was the
-“Palmetto Guards,” of South Carolina,
-dressed in dusters and straw
-hats, and bearing palm-leaf fans.
-The “Ancient Artillery,” of Boston,
-thorough sons of guns, every man of
-them, also attracted much attention.
-Their step was the Boston glide.</p>
-
-<p>The “Norfolk Blues” and the
-“Virginia Carbuncles” entered upon
-the march with highly polished rifles
-and well filled canteens. Their rifles
-were still highly polished when the
-march was over.</p>
-
-<p>The “Seventh Regiment,” of New
-York, composed entirely of officers,
-was much applauded. Its discipline
-was apparent in its style of marching
-and the waxed moustaches of
-its members.</p>
-
-<p>The brigade of American Indians
-was under the command of General
-Sheridan. The warriors were conveniently
-and economically uniformed
-in blankets. Each chief had
-his initials plainly visible upon the
-corner of his blanket. By a strange
-coincidence, almost a fatality, the
-initials of the name of every man
-in the brigade were the same letters&mdash;U
-and S.</p>
-
-<div class="container w15em">
-<img src="images/illo041.jpg" alt="Indian in blanket" />
-</div>
-
-<p>The “West Point Cadets” were
-also in line. They made a peaceful
-and pleasing show with their little
-tin swords and wooden guns. They
-looked very neat too, clean faces and
-well-brushed hair showing that they
-were tenderly cared for. Their jackets
-were buttoned tight up to their
-necks. The ladies were charmed
-with them, and “little dears,”<span class="sidenote">THE<br />“LITTLE
-DEARS.”</span>
-“sweet, ain’t they?” were the expressions
-heard on all sides. Much
-sympathy was expressed for them on
-account of the great length of the
-route&mdash;entirely too long for children
-to traverse. The cadets were to
-have remained during two weeks of
-the Exposition, but they got to eating
-unripe cherries from the trees in the
-Park, and falling into the Schuylkill
-River, so the Commissioners were
-compelled to send them home.</p>
-
-<p>The “Naval Cadets” were marshalled
-under Secretary Robeson.
-This old salt was arrayed as Neptune,
-with a trident in his hand, and
-a crown of real sea-shells upon his
-aged, weather-beaten brow. The
-cadets were taken care of during
-their stay by a file of marines.</p>
-
-<p>The procession started at 10
-o’clock, and by two P. M. one-half
-of the main body having passed the
-Continental Hotel, the head of the
-procession reached Memorial Hall,
-while the tail was wagging here,
-there and everywhere, about the sacred
-shadows of Independence Hall.</p>
-
-<p>At Memorial Hall, amid the
-salvos of artillery, the pealings of
-bells, and music of the band; the
-hymns of the singers, and the cheering
-of the vast, innumerable multitude,
-the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3">CHAPLAIN OF THE UNITED STATES
-SENATE</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">ascended the decorated pulpit.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page40">[40]</span></p>
-
-<p>Mayor Stokley stepped forward.
-Tear-drops glistened in his translucent
-orbs. He raised his arm; his
-hand, so used to threaten and command,
-implored silence.<span class="sidenote">SILENCE.</span> In a single
-moment the firing ceased, the bells
-pealed no more; the last echoes of
-the hymns were carried heavenward
-upon the gentle breeze; the people
-ceased shouting, and a holy, solemn
-silence reigned supreme.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER VI.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE FIRE.” ... <span class="smcap">Who flared and how they did it.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo042.jpg" alt="A" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">A</span>mid this profound silence the
-Chaplain proceeded to inform the
-Lord for what purpose that great
-concourse of people was assembled.</p>
-
-<p>He intimated that as “the earth
-was the Lord’s and the fulness
-thereof, and as the United States
-of America formed a part of the
-earth, and its citizens frequently
-gave evidence of the fulness thereof,
-it was eminently proper that
-He should not be kept in ignorance
-of its doings.”</p>
-
-<p>He quoted freely from Scripture
-to convince his hearers that man
-was not all-powerful, but that,
-sooner or later, he must needs
-leave country, home, greenbacks, office, and corner lots behind him.</p>
-
-<p>Alluding to the nations of olden time, he aired his classical learning.
-He informed his hearers that Greece and Rome were not now exactly
-what they had been, and mentioned likewise that Romulus and Mr. Julius
-Cæsar had both been dead for some time.</p>
-
-<p>He also remarked upon several interesting historical facts of more
-modern date, which he seemed to think might possibly have slipped the
-memory of the angels,&mdash;namely: that a number of European countries
-were governed by potentates; that some of these had not been all that
-virtuous, peace-loving men could have wished them; that an assembly of
-individuals had pronounced freedom to be the prerogative of all mankind;&mdash;then,
-after commending Mr. Grant and his cabinet, Mr. Stokley and his
-city council, Mr. Goshorn and his associates, to the good graces of the
-<span class="pagenum" id="Page41">[41]</span>
-heavenly host, he complimented
-that body on having the truest republic
-yet organized, and retired
-gracefully from the pulpit.</p>
-
-<p>The orchestra of ten thousand
-selected musicians then executed
-Haydn’s magnificent “Oratorio of
-the Creation,” after which Mr.
-Ulysses S. Grant, who as President
-of the United States was chairman
-of the meeting, arose and made one
-of his powerful and eloquent addresses:&mdash;“Ladies
-and Gentlemen,”
-said he, “I hope I see you well. I
-am glad to see so many of you
-around me on this occasion. It is a
-very pleasant occasion. Like the
-century plant, it blooms but once in
-a hundred years. A good many of
-you, who I see around me on this
-occasion, will not be around when
-it comes around again. I thank
-you, ladies and gentlemen, for the
-manner in which you have received
-me, and I will make room for a
-longer winded man than me. I
-hope you will listen to him with
-attention. I thank you again, and
-hope you will all enjoy the exhibition.
-Allow me to introduce to you
-the orator of the day, selected by the
-Centennial Executive Committee.”</p>
-
-<p>The building shook with the applause
-of the assembled multitude,
-and when the clamor had subsided,
-the orator began his address in a
-stirring appeal to</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">The Genius of Liberty.</span></p>
-
-<p>“Ring out, ye bells, ye harbingers
-of liberty, ring out! The world is
-hushed to listen to your joyful pealings,&mdash;the
-heavens open and swallow
-up your golden sounds! From where
-the sun first breaks upon Columbia’s
-slopes to where the rain-drops thunder
-in supernal night,&mdash;where eagles
-scream<span class="sidenote">THE EAGLE<br />SHRIEKS.</span> and dash their pinions ’gainst
-the crags and peaks which blaze in
-midday splendor,&mdash;where, rushing
-through the crimson sky, they swell
-the notes which drown the shrieking
-gale, and flashing arrows of electric
-light, piercing the groaning
-depths of chaos, echo beyond the
-shadow of eternal hills the cry of
-nature’s soul, the thrilling anthem&mdash;<span class="smcap">Liberty</span>!</p>
-
-<p>“It is our throne&mdash;the pedestal on
-which our building rests! a century
-agone its bed was hollowed out by
-pithy arms, now resting in the dust.
-Oh sturdy hearts! Oh honest hands!
-Beyond the boundaries of space and
-time, where Nature’s seedlings bud,
-and waters gather in a mighty deep,
-to thee, to thee we look through
-tears we dare not hide, and glimmering
-in the phosphorescent radiance
-of a holy past, we cry aloud, and
-loud the answer comes. The waves
-dash high, the breakers roar, the
-bright bow spans the clouds above,
-when lo, forth springs in brilliant
-splendor, our flag&mdash;the emblem of
-our dearest hopes,&mdash;our pride, forth
-springs in glorious purity, our flag,&mdash;the
-stars and stripes,&mdash;the flag of
-Adams and his son John Quincy.”</p>
-
-<p>At this stage of the proceedings,
-four hundred ladies uttered a simultaneous
-scream and fainted. The
-gallant orator, descending from the
-rostrum, helped to carry and lay
-them upon the greensward without,
-where members of the Fire Department
-promptly saturated them with
-a portion of the Schuylkill River.
-Then, taking a hasty draught of
-Bowers’ Centennial Mead, the orator
-re-entered the hall and resumed his<span class="pagenum" id="Page42">[42]</span>
-address. Not one of the audience
-had left&mdash;during the interim they
-had been nicely entertained by the
-Director General (always prepared
-for emergencies), who gave them a
-comic song and dance.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo044.jpg" alt="Comic song and dance" />
-</div>
-
-<p>In resuming, the orator alluded
-to the Garden of Eden. He explained
-how the “S” became added
-to the name of Adam, and drew a
-pleasant word picture of the illustrious
-founder of his family in his
-fig-tree suit. He spoke for two
-hours in an interesting manner, and
-concluded.</p>
-
-<p>The chorus then joined in the
-national anthem, “Pop goes the
-Weasel,” after which the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Poet of the Occasion</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent"><span class="sidenote">LONGFELLOW.</span>America’s sweetest singer, who
-touches with his gentle hand the
-heart-strings of the world, waking
-them to musical response as pure
-and truthful as his own blessed
-soul, stepped forward, and read his
-original poem, which will live forever,
-a mile-stone of the nation.</p>
-
-<p>The people listened with rapt attention
-to the words of the honored
-bard. He seemed inspired; his voice
-was full, and each syllable he uttered
-reached every corner of the immense
-building. We caught the words and
-pinned them to our note-book in
-phonographic characters as they were
-given birth, and we reproduce them
-here complete and unabridged.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page43">[43]</span></p>
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><span class="smcap highline15">A Song in Two Voices.</span><span class="sidenote">FOREVER<br />AND
-FOREVER.</span></p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><i>First Voice.</i></p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">The silent horologe of time, which varies never,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Hath swept into the bosom of that sea<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Pulsating ’gainst the rock “Eternity,”<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">The life-blood of an hundred years,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Forever and forever!<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">But crimson blood upon the Ocean’s wavelets, never<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Content beneath the surface smooth to hide,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Will traces leave enrubying the tide,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Till earth in chaos disappears,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Forever and forever!<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">We gaze upon a restless sea, which quiets never,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">And read as on a changing, moving scroll,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">The nation’s living, cryptogamic soul,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Which Death’s dark lantern lights and clears,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Forever and forever!<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">They are our own, these dead we look upon, though never<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Have we full guessed the good which passed away;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">To know what we were losing day by day,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Would be, methinks, to live in tears,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Forever and forever!<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Then listen, brothers, for my failing voice may never,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Be heard again throughout our fatherland;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">And e’en the pen drops from my feeble hand,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">As my long journey swiftly nears,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Forever and forever!<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">List while I read to you the graven tale, which never<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">May be all told by these poor lips of mine,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">For coming ages still add line to line,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Till earth no longer heeds nor hears,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent6">Forever and forever!<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><i>Second Voice.</i></p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent12">Speak, speak, thou dismal guest,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">With gloomy thoughts oppressed,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">Speak quick and give a rest,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent18">To those who hear thee:<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent12">Much pleased we’ve read the lays,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">Writ in thy youthful days,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">Giving no stint of praise,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent18">Aiming to cheer thee.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page44">[44]</span></p>
-
-<div class="poetry allclear">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent12">Proud of thy fame are we;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">Therefore most graciously,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">For what it’s worth will thee,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent18">“Our poet” christen:<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent12">Long, long will live thy verse,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">As will, too, much that’s worse,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent12">And if thou wilt be terse,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent18">Brother, we’ll listen.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><i>First Voice.</i></p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">In the old colony days in London, the chief town of England,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">In the cellar which runs to and fro ’neath the Parliament building,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">With a pipe in his mouth and a match in his hand, made of sulphur,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">On a keg of dry powder was seated Mr. Guy Fawkes awaiting the signal.<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Above was King George with a sword in his hand at a table,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Drinking green tea, which he always had made “with a stick,”<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">While up by the urn, stood a beautiful Puritan maiden,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">With sweet, smiling eyes like the bloom of the bluebells in summer,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Who opened her mouth, and with laughing lips uttered this question,&mdash;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">“My liege, would you like just a little bit more of gunpowder?”<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Guy Fawkes was discovered and hung, and his body was cast in the Tiber,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">King George wasn’t blown up just then&mdash;but not many years after,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">His tea was the match which ignited the spark, and gave him some few more gunpowder.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><i>Second Voice.</i></p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Tell us not in furlong numbers,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">What we know as well as you,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Though you’ve got things mixed up “somewurs.”<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">King George wasn’t Cromwell too.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Life is short and time is fleeting,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">And we fear, if you intend<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">To go on old tales repeating,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">We shall never reach an end.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><i>First Voice.</i><span class="sidenote">ABORIGINAL<br />POETRY</span></p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent2">Kajo, kajo, mudjekewiss,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Jeebi ishkoodah jossakeed,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Shinghé, shingebis shah shuh gah;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">Chibiabo bukadawin,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0"><i>Wahonowin! Wahonowin!</i><br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Totem totem ahkosewin,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent2">Minehaha, haha, haha,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page45">[45]</span></p>
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><i>Second Voice.</i></p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Thank you, sir.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-<p class="voicenumber"><i>First Voice.</i></p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Nation of our hopes and prayers,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Time steals by us unawares,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Gravestones seal our joys and cares.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">We must leave thee whilst thou’rt young,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Whilst the bell for freedom rung,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Echoes still from heart to tongue:<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Standing on Oppression’s tomb,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">In thy youthful beauty’s bloom,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Monument of tyrants’ doom;<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Gazing with a lofty pride<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">O’er thy hearthstone, boundless, wide,&mdash;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Oceans washing either side;<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Towns and cities, hills and vales;<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Earth with joy thy Queenship hails,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Seas and rivers bear thy sails!<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">FAIR<br />COLUMBIA.</span></p>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Fair Columbia, we must go,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Far beyond thy oceans’ flow,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Far beyond thy mountains’ snow;<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">Other sons will ’bout thee rise,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Love thy blue and starlit eyes,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Love the white thy life flow dyes:<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">May their hearts’ love never leave thee,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">May they dream no thoughts to grieve thee,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Never of a star bereave thee;<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">May the olive in thy hand<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Spread until its branches grand<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Shelter safely all thy land;<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">And as days and years are told,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">May thy brilliant flag enfold<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Strength which never groweth old.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">May the world beneath the sun,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">In the freedom thou hast won,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">See a boon denied to none.<br /></span>
-</div>
-
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent0">For a gift from God thou art,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Missioned bravely to impart<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Sunshine to the sunless heart.<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page46">[46]</span></p>
-
-<p>This poem was telegraphed, word
-for word as spoken, to the “New
-York Herald,” appearing in that
-sheet next morning. From its columns
-it was copied, the week after,
-into the Philadelphia journals.</p>
-
-<p>After the poem, Messrs. Arbuckle
-and Levy, the cornetists, played
-“Old Hundred.” It proved a great
-success, as it had never before been
-attempted&mdash;in a horn.</p>
-
-<p>The Massachusetts gentleman selected
-for the honor, then read an
-essay by Thomas Jefferson, entitled</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">The Declaration of Independence.</span></p>
-
-<p>This production was replete with
-witty sayings and wise aphorisms,
-doubtless very applicable to the time
-in which it was written, but somewhat
-obsolete and wanting in point
-at present. The soda-water fountain
-was much patronized during
-this portion of the ceremonies.
-<span class="sidenote">AN APPRECIATIVE<br />PRESIDENT.</span>General Grant sat it out, however,
-and mentioned afterwards that he
-considered it one of the finest things
-he had ever listened to. He inquired
-particularly concerning the author,
-and seemed disappointed when informed
-that he was dead. He would
-doubtless have enjoyed making
-Thomas a revenue inspector or an
-Indian commissioner.</p>
-
-<p>Again the combined orchestra and
-chorus howled forth. This time it
-was “Paddle your own Canoe.”</p>
-
-<p>Mr. L.Q.C. Lamar, of Mississippi,</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Orator of the Day No. 2</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">stepped forward. He remarked that
-as it was growing late he should not
-detain them long. At this, those
-favored ones to take part in the banquet
-concluding the ceremonies,
-brightened up wonderfully.</p>
-
-<p>The orator then proceeded to say
-that this was the first centennial
-celebration in which he had taken
-part; he therefore hoped that any
-shortcoming might be overlooked in
-consideration of his quick going.
-He remarked that he came from
-where the Mississippi wound her
-silvery length through rich green
-fields, by thriving towns and mighty
-cities; that he was a native of the
-Sunny South, those happy realms
-where nightingales tuned harmonious
-song and alligators sported in
-their lukewarm baths. He mentioned
-that this was a great country,
-that the sun rose in the East and set
-in the West, and that while the
-snow-flakes fell and whitened all
-the northern plains, the orange
-bloomed and gentle breezes blessed
-the southern groves.</p>
-
-<p>“We are but travellers here,” said
-he, pathetically, “and while we
-breathe the air and walk upon the
-earth, we have two duties which
-should command the energies of our
-minds, the strength of our arms, and
-the honor of our souls;&mdash;one, to our
-fathers, those who have gone before&mdash;the
-other to our children, those
-who have already come and those
-yet to come after.” Mr. Lamar did
-not exempt bachelors from the latter
-of these duties, but in eloquent language
-urged upon all the great mission
-of an American citizen.</p>
-
-<p>The orator continued for three
-hours, and ’twas only when darkness
-fell and the chambermaid came in
-to light the gas, that he concluded;
-telling his spell-bound listeners, that,
-although he had much more to say,
-he would remember his promise to<span class="pagenum" id="Page47">[47]</span>
-be brief, and postpone the remainder
-of his address until the next centennial,
-hoping that in the mean time
-they would ponder well upon the
-truths which he had uttered.</p>
-
-<p>General Sherman here nudged the
-President, who had fallen into a
-gentle spell-bound doze, and who,
-awakening with a start, rose and
-said:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“And now, by virtue of authority
-in me vested, I, Ulysses S. Grant,
-President of the United States of
-America, do declare this Exhibition
-open for the transaction of all such
-business as may be legally brought
-before it.&mdash;Amen.”</p>
-
-<p>The musical fraction ended up
-with Beethoven’s Twelfth Mass, and
-“Little Brown Jug” for <i>encore</i>, and
-thus was the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">International Exposition</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">inaugurated.</p>
-
-<p>Through the courtesy of the Centennial
-Managers, we were supplied
-with copies of several odes, poems,
-essays, etc., forwarded to the committee
-by various distinguished
-authors of this and other countries,
-and rejected for reasons best known
-to the committee. Of these we cannot
-refrain from inserting a contribution
-from Lord Alfred Tennyson.
-It is in the shape of a two-act drama,
-entitled</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3">“<span class="smcap">George W. Washington</span>.”</p>
-
-<p>It has been pronounced by competent
-judges to be equal to much
-that Shakspeare did not write. It
-has been translated into the celestial
-tongue, and will be produced during
-the next century at the Theatre
-Royal, Hong Kong. We understand
-that <span class="sidenote">CLARA’S<br />NEXT
-ROLE.</span>Miss Clara Morris is
-studying the <i>role</i> of G. W. Washington.</p>
-
-<p class="actnr">ACT FIRST.</p>
-
-<p class="scene">SCENE&mdash;<span class="smcap">Winter Quarters at Valley Forge.</span> <i>The American Army
-sleeping on the left side of the stage. Delaware River flowing in the rear.
-Seven 42-pounders pointed towards the audience (to be discharged if they
-leave before the curtain falls). A full regiment of cavalry ready to issue
-R. I. E. Practicable window in flat.</i></p>
-
-<p><span class="smcap">Thomas Jones</span>, a farmer, and <span class="smcap">Sambo</span>, Washington’s servant, discovered.</p>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Sambo.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>You may not enter&mdash;the General snores in sleep;</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Sweet sleep, that balm in heaven distilled,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Has fallen on his eyelids.</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>(Sings)</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p><i>Low, galoot; speak low, galoot, or you may wake him&mdash;</i></p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p><i>Low, galoot, low!</i></p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Farmer Jones.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Yet listen, gentle knave; a farming man am I</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>From Jersey. Should’st open now my heart,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Lo, thou would’st find but two words graven on it&mdash;</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p class="padl18">Trenton and whiskey!</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="allclear"><span class="sidenote">THE PLOT<br />THICKENS.</span><span class="pagenum" id="Page48">[48]</span></p>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Sambo.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>(Sings)</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p><i>Low, galoot; speak low, galoot, or you may wake him&mdash;</i></p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p><i>Low, galoot, low!</i></p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Farmer Jones.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>The keystone of our government is shattered,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>The Hessians are in Trenton!</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Sambo.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Methinks some traitor spoke. ’Tis not yet lost.</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Send out, send out the constables,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>And have them all</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Arrested. Egg Harbor is not taken yet?</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Farmer Jones.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>(Joyously)</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Egg Harbor is not taken yet!</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Sambo.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Then there is hope. But, hush!&mdash;he’s here!</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="center highline2">(<i>Washington enters through window and listens.</i>)</p>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Farmer Jones.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Who?</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Sambo.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Our General&mdash;great George Washington!</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Farmer Jones.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Oh!!</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="right">[<i>All exit. Curtain falls.</i></p>
-
-<p class="actnr">ACT SECOND.</p>
-
-<p class="scene">SCENE&mdash;<span class="smcap">State-House at Philadelphia.</span> <i>Continental Congress in session,
-John Hancock in the chair; representatives ground around; large concourse
-of citizens in the hall; the back window open, through which a view
-of Independence Square in flat. Procession passing with flags and banners,
-and band of music. A political meeting in the Square; also a few
-Indians lassooing buffalo. Eagle screams as curtain rises.</i></p>
-
-<p class="highline2"><span class="smcap">John Hancock.</span> Ah!</p>
-
-<p class="highline2"><span class="smcap">Robert Morris.</span><span class="padl3">Indeed!!</span></p>
-
-<p class="highline2"><span class="smcap">Thomas Jefferson.</span><span class="padl7">Possible!!!</span></p>
-
-<p class="highline2"><span class="smcap">John Adams.</span><span class="padl20">Very remarkable!!!!</span></p>
-
-<p class="right highline2">[<i>Exit all the representatives except</i> <span class="smcap">Benjamin Franklin</span>.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">GRAND<br />DENOUEMENT.</span><span class="pagenum" id="Page49">[49]</span></p>
-
-<p class="highline2 allclear"><span class="smcap">First Citizen.</span> Shall we go too?</p>
-
-<p class="highline2"><span class="smcap">Second Citizen.</span> Go to!</p>
-
-<p class="highline2"><span class="smcap">Third Citizen.</span> For which we should be thankful.</p>
-
-<p class="right highline2">[<i>Exit all the citizens.</i> <span class="smcap">Franklin</span> <i>alone</i>.</p>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Benjamin Franklin.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>From Jersey, New York, Delaware, and Pennsylvania,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Virginia, Massachusetts, and both the Carolinas,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>These men have come who have but just gone out.</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>There’s Hopkinson, and Middleton, and Harrison,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>And William Ellery, George Taylor, and Josiah Bartlett;</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Morton, Walton, Joe Hewes, and Willie Hooper,</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>And many more; and I am left alone&mdash;</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>No!&mdash;here come Roger Sherman, Gerry, and George Whytte.</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="allclear">(<i>Milkman sings without.</i>)</p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole">
-
-<div class="poetry milkman">
-<div class="stanza">
-<i><span class="verse indent7">“Bully for you, Susie,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent10">Bully for you now,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent8">To go and milk the water pump,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent10">’Stead of the cow.<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent8">Chalk is very cheap,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent8">Milk is quite a heap,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Healthier when diluted than it came from the cow.”<br /></span></i>
-</div>
-</div>
-
-</div><!--rightrole-->
-</div><!--splitrole-->
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Franklin.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>I wish I was a milkman; methinks it is a better</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Business than being a philosopher&mdash;</p></div></div>
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p class="padl6">Ah, gentle friends, what news?</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore15">(<i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Roger Sherman</span>, <span class="smcap">Gerry</span>,
-and <span class="smcap">George Whytte</span>.)</p>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Sherman.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Washington has crossed the Delaware!</p></div></div>
-
-<p>(<i>Chorus outside</i>) [<i>many voices</i>]. “Washington forever!”</p>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">George Whytte.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Lo, he will be our President!</p></div></div>
-
-<p>(<i>Shouts again</i>) [<i>many voices</i>]. “Three cheers for Washington!”</p>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Gerry.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Who knows?</p></div></div>
-
-<p class="role allclear"><span class="smcap">Benjamin Franklin.</span></p>
-
-<div class="splitrole"><div class="leftrole"><p>&#160;</p></div>
-<div class="rightrole"><p>Let us pray.</p></div></div>
-
-<p>(They all kneel, and the orchestra strikes up “Yankee Doodle” as the
-curtain drops.)</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page50">[50]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak allclear"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER VII.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE REFLECTIONS.” ... <span class="smcap">Shadows, shapes, and those who made them.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="illocap">
-“<img src="images/illo052.jpg" alt="Y" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">Y</span>ou are standing, sir, directly
-upon the equator.” Our country
-cousin jumped aside in terror;
-his face grew white, his knees
-trembled, his hair stood on end.
-It was our first visit to the Main
-Exhibition Building after its
-opening, and he had accompanied
-us.</p>
-
-<p>“Great Heaven!” he gasped,
-“why did they leave it around
-here&mdash;is it dangerous?” and he
-backed into an Italian brigand
-who was strolling leisurely along,
-“it oughter be in the zoological
-department,” he added, and peered
-around for a glimpse of the animal.</p>
-
-<p>We smiled pityingly.</p>
-
-<p>“The equator, our dear cousin,” said we, “is that broad chalk line
-marked across the floor of the building. It represents the centre of the
-earth. Here, take the glasses;&mdash;now observe,&mdash;that main mast or telegraph
-pole, painted white and decked with ribbons, which you see at the
-extreme end of the avenue, is a very complete <i>fac-simile</i> of <span class="sidenote">THE NORTH<br />POLE
-REACHED<br />AT LAST.</span>the North Pole.
-Now, turn around;&mdash;that clothes prop (kindly loaned by Mrs. Forney)
-represents the South Pole. At one end, to speak poetically, we have
-Greenland’s Icy Mountain, at the other, Mrs. Forney’s Coral Strand. Let
-us take a cursory glance of what lies between.”</p>
-
-<p>We do not propose to give more than the merest superficial account of
-the wonders and glories of the great display. Everywhere the eye rested
-it was dazzled with jewels, silver, splendor, and&mdash;and&mdash;so forth. Striped
-gauzes, magnificent bronzes, burnished armor, superb laces, fine inlaid
-work, unique carvings, rich and rare fancy goods, musical instruments,
-books, acres of useful articles, miles of ornamental productions, food,
-clothing, and&mdash;and&mdash;more so forth.</p>
-
-<p>Perhaps it would be best for the intelligent reader to imagine himself,
-or, more happily, herself, in our pleasant company, cousin and all. But
-<span class="pagenum" id="Page51">[51]</span>
-first a word of warning to the intelligent
-reader. After many sleepless
-days, the managers had decided to
-arrange the nations in geographical
-order, as far as possible&mdash;and to
-leave the rest to Providence.
-Therefore the intelligent readers
-will do well to follow the example
-of the intelligent authors, and forgetting
-any geographical knowledge
-they may happen to possess,
-leave their rest to Providence
-also. They will spare themselves
-many sudden shocks and annoying
-perplexities. Such, for instance, as
-this: taking one avenue straight
-along and passing consecutively
-through Austria, South Sea Islands,
-Manayunk, Siam, China, Morocco,
-Beverly, Egypt, Darby, France,
-Switzerland, and Tipperary, ending
-up with Turkey and the Sultan
-ready, soap and towel in hand, to
-give the visitor a specimen of his
-luxurious patent bath. Or, coming
-back on the other side, to find in
-one long line, Germany, Sweden,
-Norway, England, Iceland, Doylestown,
-Ireland, British America,
-Media, and in the corner Japan,
-where a Mandarin and a Womandarin
-perform “Hari Kari” every day
-to illustrate the custom of the
-country,&mdash;the same parties, however,
-only appearing once in the
-same performance.</p>
-
-<p>Naturally, our own country claims
-our first and best attention. From
-Maine to Florida, from Boston to
-San Francisco, State after State, city
-after city, makes its display. In
-addition to the separate and peculiar
-exhibits of the States, clusters
-of identical interests from North,
-South, East, and West, attest the
-resources and development of our
-land. Let us pause for a moment
-and examine the display of the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">American Bankers’ and Brokers’
-Association</span>,<span class="sidenote">POPULAR<br />TABLEAUX.</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">which will serve for an example of
-these latter.</p>
-
-<p>We find the credit system very
-cleverly demonstrated. A working
-man enters into a banking house
-with his month’s earnings nicely
-tied up in the corner of his handkerchief:
-a blandly smiling clerk, with
-well pared nails and laundried linen,
-receives it and notes the amount in
-the depositor’s account book;&mdash;the
-workingman departs. Then the
-proprietor enters, gives a portion of
-the money to his clerk and puts
-the remainder carefully away&mdash;in
-his pocket. In another apartment,
-the projectors of a railway company
-offer a graceful financier one-half of
-their beautifully printed stock certificates,
-on condition that he floats
-the other half. A widow, with the
-money which she has just received
-as insurance upon her husband’s life,
-comes upon the scene. She makes
-known to the banker her anxiety to
-invest this money securely for the
-benefit of her helpless family. He
-magnanimously spares her a portion
-of the railroad stock, charging her
-but a small commission for his services.
-With the balance of his
-stock as collateral, he borrows
-money from a national bank and
-makes a corner in flour. Through
-the window of this apartment there
-is a beautifully arranged vista, showing
-the banker building a magnificent
-villa and settling it upon his
-wife. A third compartment contains
-the closing tableaux:&mdash;a meeting
-of assignees declaring a dividend<span class="pagenum" id="Page52">[52]</span>
-of nothing, payable in twelve, twenty-four,
-and thirty-six months, and the
-banker stepping on board of an A, 1,
-steamer, to pass the remainder of his
-life in ease and luxury among the
-wonders and beauties of the old
-world. In this department also, we
-find a collection of the coins of our
-country, at which its people look in
-amazement. A father is endeavoring
-to explain to his son, a boy of
-twelve, what these gold and silver
-pieces were once used for. It is an
-interesting study in ancient history
-for the lad, but he is doubting as
-youth is apt to be, and does not appear
-thoroughly satisfied that they
-were ever current money.</p>
-
-<p>We push our way rapidly through
-the States. Maine has her liquor
-law, charmingly framed&mdash;but we
-find her Commissioners in Kentucky
-drinking Kentucky lemonade. Vermont
-exhibits a green mountain
-boy; the look in his eye belies his
-color. Massachusetts presents her
-genealogical tree. Rhode Island is
-represented by an immense specimen
-of inflated bullfrog. New York
-has on hand her canal ring, blazing
-with diamonds. Pennsylvania has
-her Switchback. Delaware another
-kind of switchback&mdash;her whipping
-post, and here we delay our progress
-to admire hers. Great bodies move
-slowly, and the Delawareans have
-great bodies&mdash;but mighty little
-souls. Their “stocks” are up, however,
-and they don’t seem to care.
-We suggest that the Governor of
-the State and the members of the
-Legislature be thrashed alternately
-every hour, to give a general idea
-of the <i>modus operandi</i> to foreigners.
-Our suggestion is not received in the
-spirit in which it is offered.</p>
-
-<p>But we do not succeed in completing
-our trip through the Union this
-day. Our country cousin brings us
-to a stoppage by his absurd conduct.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">MISTAKEN<br />HOSPITALITY.</span>One exhibitor offered him half a
-pound of mince meat: he devoured
-it. A Connecticut woman presented
-him with a small cheese, her own
-manufacture: it followed the footsteps
-of the meat. In Massachusetts
-he received a package of corn starch:
-he put it serenely where he kept his
-cheese. We looked upon him in
-amaze, but said nothing. A New
-York merchant handed him a small
-cake of transparent shaving soap.
-“My golly!” he remarked, “this beats
-a lunch route,” and he swallowed it
-whole. A New Jersey farmer offered
-him a string of dried apples: they
-went the way of his preceding receipts.
-A Pennsylvania matron
-begged him to try a draught of her
-buttermilk: he complied, and we saw
-him swell visibly before our eyes.
-Two ounces of Virginia Baking
-Powder was the next tribute: he
-winced a little at this, but&mdash;down it
-went. We tried to stop him, but
-too late&mdash;he just chewed a small
-stick of South Carolina stove polish,
-and then the baking powder accomplished
-its fatal mission. He mentioned
-that he did not feel very well.
-We expressed surprise and sympathy.
-He said he felt worse, and then he
-tried to smile, but alas, the apples
-lay heavy on his soul&mdash;he couldn’t.
-He asked if it wasn’t time to go
-home&mdash;he said it was a splendid
-show, but he thought he’d seen
-enough of it.</p>
-
-<p>“Come home,” said he, “its dinner
-time.”</p>
-
-<p>“Why,” we replied, “you’re not
-hungry, are you?”</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page53">[53]</span></p>
-
-<p>He didn’t answer; he turned a
-reproachful glance upon us. We
-were now in Georgia, and a colored
-man held out to him a sweet potato
-pudding. Savagely he turned upon
-that negro, his eyes rolled wildly,
-he labored under intense emotions,
-mingled emotions of cheese, soap,
-and baking powder, he uttered one
-long despairing yell and sank down
-upon the floor. A crowd gathered
-about him in a second; two or three
-officials pushed their way through
-the assemblage and grabbed hold of
-him. “The first case,” they cried
-triumphantly; “carry him to the
-Hospital.” They bore our poor
-cousin to the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Grand International Hospital</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">east of the Main Building, and we
-followed in tears.</p>
-
-<p>A Turkish physician ran to meet
-us as we approached the structure.
-The Turks believe in radical cures&mdash;this
-one wanted to smother our
-relative between two feather beds.
-We objected. Two Chinese doctors
-stopped us at the doorway. One
-wanted our cousin to swallow three
-green lizards, the other recommended
-the immediate extraction of all his
-front teeth. An Indian medicine
-man here commenced dancing around
-us, yelling at the top of his voice,
-and banging an old tambourine with
-the shin-bone of an ass.</p>
-
-<p>This was nothing! When we
-entered the building the international
-surgeons came down upon us
-like&mdash;like&mdash;like “a wolf on the fold.”
-This was the first case, and they
-were spoiling for a job. Our cousin
-looked in their eager and varied
-faces, he gazed upon the assortment
-of cutlery flashing around him&mdash;his
-lip quivered&mdash;he closed his eyes&mdash;and
-fainted. In less than two
-seconds that</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Unfortunate Countryman</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">would have been dissected, and the
-doctors engaged in mortal strife
-above his severed limbs, had not a
-most diabolical uproar outside suddenly
-distracted their attention.</p>
-
-<p>We all rushed to the grounds, and
-a blood-freezing scene of terror met
-our eyes.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">“LONE SHIRT”<br />ON THE CHINESE<br />QUESTION.</span>
-Mr. Lone Shirt, Mr. Full o’ the
-Rye, and Man with the Seven Big
-Bunions, Esq., the Chiefs of the
-Indian encampment, had been illustrating
-their native customs by a
-sudden</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Raid on the Chinese Laundry</span>.</p>
-
-<p>They had attired themselves in
-the napkins, towels, and nightcaps
-there contained, painted themselves
-with the washing blue, burnt down
-the building, and were just about
-finishing up things by scalping the
-startled celestials when we burst out
-upon them. The Chinese doctors
-took one glance at affairs, swallowed
-their lizards, and jumped into the
-lake north of Machinery Hall.</p>
-
-<p>The Exhibition Military, led by
-the Marine Cavalry, hurried towards
-the fearful scene. Would they be
-in time? The tomahawks of the
-Indians were raised, their hands
-grasped firmly the pigtails of their
-victims&mdash;when suddenly&mdash;behold!&mdash;The
-savages grew rigid as though
-turned to stone, motionless they
-stood with tomahawks still elevated,
-their hands still pigtailentwisted&mdash;Oh<span class="pagenum" id="Page54">[54]</span>
-providential chance!&mdash;They had
-swallowed the starch contained
-in the laundry, and this stiffening
-was the fortuitous result.</p>
-
-<p>The managers released the half
-dead Chinamen, and pointed out
-to Messrs. Lone Shirt, Full o’ the
-Rye, and Man with the Seven
-Big Bunions, the impropriety of
-their conduct. When the chieftains
-thawed limber, they promised
-solemnly not to repeat anything of
-the kind, and smoked the liberty
-bell pipe with the laundrymen.</p>
-
-<p>This incident saved our cousin’s
-life. When we returned to the
-hospital, he had vanished, much to
-the sorrow and chagrin of the disappointed
-M.D.’s.</p>
-
-<p>We did not feel like returning to
-the Main Hall immediately after
-this. We thought a stroll through
-Memorial Hall might be soothing to
-our system, and so we took it.</p>
-
-<p>Philadelphians familiar with that</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Chamber of Horrors</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">in old Fairmount Park, which
-the Park Commissioners persist in
-styling an Art Gallery, have been
-bred up to a proper appreciation of
-the “pageant which rose like an exhalation”
-before our admiring eyes;
-upon others, especially foreigners,
-the effect must have been tremendous.</p>
-
-<p>It is not our intention to criticize
-the pictures separately, or to draw
-invidious comparisons between the
-work of our own and other artists.
-Courtesy to our late visitors forbids
-it; and besides, the national peace
-must be preserved at any cost. We
-must admit, however, that it struck
-us that a number of the paintings
-might have been improved by a
-liberal paring at the nails from
-which they were suspended. Some
-of the Italian sketches looked to us
-as though they had been painted
-with raspberry jam. The <i>chiara oscura</i>
-effect, so to speak, was visibly
-heightened by the tone of the
-sombre shades, and the clever intermixture
-of the mediæval style with
-the ante-Raphaelite touches&mdash;the
-extreme fulness of the light and
-motion, and the mellowness of tint,
-produced, as it were, in the minds
-of <i>connoisseurs</i> like ourselves, the
-comparison which we have made.</p>
-
-<p>Artists, like fishes, go in schools.
-Masters, pupils, janitors, scrapers
-out, and pot boilers. They were all
-well represented, Flemish, Dutch,
-Italian, French, and American
-schools making the most extensive
-report. We will mention a few of
-the biggest paintings in the handsomest
-frames.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">“MURILLO AND RUBENS&mdash;<br />
-PAINTING AND GLAZING.”</span>Mr. Murillo, a Spanish painter
-and glazier, sent&mdash;in addition to his
-famous “Madonna”&mdash;“The Parable
-of the Seven fat and Seven lean
-Cows.” This was a six-foot-square
-job. The seven fats were done in
-oil&mdash;the leans in water-colors.</p>
-
-<p>Rubens was represented by a
-magnificent head of “Vasco De
-Gama;”&mdash;his feet were too large to
-frame. The likeness was excellent.
-Even a stranger, unacquainted with
-Mr. De Gama, could have recognized
-it at once&mdash;by the name in the corner.</p>
-
-<p>A fine painting of Marat, executed
-by Miss Corday, was the biggest
-little gem in the French collection.</p>
-
-<p>France also sent some sacred
-paintings, among them “St. Anthony’s
-Temptation” and “St. Vitus’
-Dance.<span class="pagenum" id="Page55">[55]</span>”
-Great Britain also had two sacred
-companion pieces&mdash;“Christ before the
-Priest” and “Christ after the Priest.”</p>
-
-<p>In the American Department, a
-superb work entitled “The Salary,”
-appealed most directly to our feelings.
-It could not have been drawn with
-more ease by a Vandyke or Paganini.</p>
-
-<p>“Wm. Penn treating the Indians”
-occupied a prominent corner.</p>
-
-<p>“The Empty Jug” was a pathetic
-masterpiece, a subject which came
-directly home to the hearts of many
-who looked upon it.</p>
-
-<p>For square inches and lavish extravagance
-in paint, “The Norsemen
-landing at Vineland, New Jersey,”
-deserved a prize.</p>
-
-<p>Scores of virgins of all styles and
-sizes adorned the walls. Virgins
-clad in every costume worth mentioning,
-and a great many not worth
-mentioning. They were consigned
-by the Angelo Factory at Rome.</p>
-
-<p>The sign and fence painters of the
-United States school made a very
-fine display.</p>
-
-<p>Rothermel had his patent “S. T.
-1860 X.” beautifully done in white-wash
-on the south wall of the building,
-and Moran, who pays more attention
-to marine work, had “Sea-weed
-Tonic” tenderly drawn in blue
-and gold. Bierstadt, the architect,
-sent a plan for a model brewery.</p>
-
-<p>We felt so completely soothed
-after seeing this much that we
-didn’t enter the statuary department.
-We left that for another day,
-and jumping on a horse-car we made
-our way over to</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Machinery Hall</span>.</p>
-
-<p>Imagine all the machinery the
-world contains in motion at the
-same time, and add about five million
-more machines to that. This
-will bring you as near the truth as
-this volume ventures to approach.</p>
-
-<p>Fire, smoke, sweat, and labor;
-whirring and whizzing, banging
-and clanging, pounding and puffing,
-tinkling and jingling. One would
-think there were seventy thousand
-horses at work instead of the forty
-we have mentioned. Everything is
-being manufactured here&mdash;from a
-tooth-brush to a locomotive; from a
-latch-key to a wash-boiler. Each
-workman at a machine is attended
-by another man placed there expressly
-to answer questions and be
-interrogated by visitors. These latter
-men are carried away and revived
-every hour.</p>
-
-<p>The famous individual who took
-a prize at the Paris Exposition, is
-here with his wonderful machine.
-You give him a live rabbit, and in
-fifty minutes he returns you a felt
-hat and a Welsh stew.</p>
-
-<p>Keeley’s Motor was set up here a
-few days previous to the opening of
-the Exhibition, but somehow the
-machine got loose and knocked
-things into splinters.<span class="sidenote">THE UNDERLAND<br />ROUTE.</span> It dashed
-through the main entrance, got on
-the track of the Market Street cars,
-rushed clean down to the foot of
-Market Street, destroying everything
-in its way, and plunged into
-the Delaware River just eight seconds
-after leaving Machinery Hall.
-Workmen were put at dredging for
-it immediately, and before they gave
-up hope of recovering it, a telegram
-was received from Pekin, saying
-that it had passed through the Emperor’s
-palace, carrying the roof
-with it, and vanishing into space.
-From the hour telegraphed as the<span class="pagenum" id="Page56">[56]</span>
-time of this occurrence, it was calculated
-that the machine landed in
-China just nineteen minutes after
-it left Elm Avenue. Mr. Keeley ascribed
-the cause of this freak to one
-drop of water too much, being in
-the reservoir.</p>
-
-<p>There was another sort of motor
-on exhibition, however, which
-seemed especially attractive and
-novel to the boys. It consisted of
-nine strips of leather attached to a
-wooden handle.</p>
-
-<p>The improved hotel front-tooth-picker
-was an object of attention in
-the American department, as was
-also the automatic hen for laying
-egg plants.</p>
-
-<p>The patent American awning post
-rest, a neat pair of extended arms to
-support a reclining form, was much
-remarked; and a patent range, “warranted
-to save half the coal,” was
-very well spoken of: you buy two
-of them and you require no fuel
-at all.</p>
-
-<p>Herring’s Hay Making Machine,
-for making hay in cloudy weather,
-and Rollin’s improved Iron Pump,
-for the use of newspaper reporters,
-also deserve mention.</p>
-
-<p>In naming this pump to be used
-by interviewers, we must not forget
-an ingenious little instrument invented
-expressly for the protection
-of the parties interviewed.<span class="sidenote">THE INVENTION<br />OF THE AGE.</span> It is a
-silver-plated contrivance, which may
-be readily fastened to the bottom of
-any chair. The interviewer is invited
-to take a seat. At his first
-impertinent remark, a little knob is
-touched and a flat implement shaped
-like a No. 22 foot, begins bouncing
-up and down at the rate of seventy
-bumps a minute, and before the reporter
-knows what has happened,
-the top of his head is interviewing
-the ceiling of the room.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo058.jpg" alt="Nr. 22 foot in action" />
-</div>
-
-<p>When he comes down to see what’s
-the matter, this implement follows
-him to the door, accelerates his progress
-down stairs, and giving him a
-parting bump on the sidewalk, shuts
-the front door and hops up stairs
-<span class="pagenum" id="Page57">[57]</span>
-again. The papers pooh-poohed this
-contrivance, but it gained a first
-prize nevertheless.</p>
-
-<p>A French apparatus for winding
-silk out of cocoons was also truly
-wonderful. While the cocoons are
-serenely enjoying their dinner or
-dreaming of the pains and pleasures
-of the world, a huge bobbin is
-quietly unravelling their interior
-department. They don’t know
-what has been going on till they
-turn around and see the silk dress
-which has been stolen from them.</p>
-
-<p>We stopped for a moment before
-a condensed baker, and saw crackers
-and biscuit baked, buttered, and eaten
-by steam. This made us think of
-lunch. We selected the American
-Restaurant from the many within
-the inclosure, and entered.</p>
-
-<p>We were politely handed chairs
-and a bill of fare. The chairs were
-low,&mdash;the bill must have been made
-out on the top of Sawyer’s Observatory,
-there was no other way to get
-it so high. The list was printed in
-three languages, and the customer
-was expected to pay in half a dozen
-languages, though only allowed to
-eat in an a b c. We drank a cup
-of tea, ate a biscuit, looked at the
-<i>Beefsteak à la mode de Paris</i>, and the
-<i>Potatoes fricasse haute nouveate</i>,
-sighed, and left our watches in
-pledge, while we sallied out to try
-to raise the amount of our bill on
-our life insurance.</p>
-
-<p>After completing this negotiation
-at the International Insurance Bureau,
-we started for the Horticultural
-Building, but the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Model Cemetery</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">which we were obliged to pass,
-suited the state of our feelings so
-well that we paused to examine it.&mdash;We
-soliloquized:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“In the midst of death we are in
-life,” said we originally,&mdash;“oh death,
-sweet death, in the midst of all this
-life are we reminded of thee;&mdash;in the
-excitement and the turmoil thy
-quietness is here. Lo, the labor of
-man’s hand and the production of
-man’s mind we find about us,&mdash;we
-look, we wonder, we admire, but
-what, what are these hands and
-minds to thee? Nothing; nothing
-save the dust which in thy mill&mdash;&mdash;”
-We were interrupted by a <span class="sidenote">THE UNDERTAKER’S<br />DRUMMER&mdash;A<br />DEAD BEAT.</span>gentleman
-who approached us and invited us
-to invest in one of his patent coffins.
-He had any number of testimonials
-from parties who had used them,
-stating that under no consideration
-would they use any other. He said
-we might try one, and if we didn’t
-like it we needn’t feel compelled to
-keep it. He seemed very anxious
-to discover whether we had any
-sickly relatives. He took us through
-the undertaker’s department; showed
-us shrouds, sombre trappings, gold
-and silver trimmings, rosewood caskets,
-all the paraphernalia for a pleasant
-and comfortable send off. He
-escorted us through the marble yard,
-mentioned what kind of a tombstone
-he thought would best suit our condition,
-quoted verses of poetry which
-he thought would make suitable inscriptions,
-and was really so attentive
-and persistent that the truth
-dawned upon us at last;&mdash;he was
-placed there to talk visitors to death
-and brisken up business for the exhibitors.</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">He earned his salary</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">whatever it was. He explained the
-system of cremation, and told us if
-<span class="pagenum" id="Page58">[58]</span>
-we had any old aunts or grandmothers
-about the house to bring
-them down and he would take
-pleasure in demonstrating its beauties
-practically. He induced us to
-purchase three or four little coffins
-made from the wood in Independence
-Hall, to be worn as watch charms;&mdash;“very
-sensible mementos
-of the occasion,” said he.</p>
-
-<p>It was by an almost superhuman
-effort that we broke from him at
-last,&mdash;we barely saved our lives,&mdash;that
-is all&mdash;we walked off a few
-yards and then&mdash;oh, intelligent reader,
-let us draw the veil!&mdash;we ourselves
-were carried to the Hospital.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER VIII.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE GLOW.” ... <span class="smcap">Who helped and who enjoyed it.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo060.jpg" alt="W" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">W</span>e remained in the hospital three
-days. We did not die. Unfortunately
-for the purchasers of this
-work and our friend of the model
-cemetery, we <i>would</i> not die in
-Spring time. We were discharged
-on account of the crowded state of
-the institution. Visitors were
-beginning to discover that free
-board might be obtained, by stratagem,
-at the hospital, and the result
-was that a large proportion of
-our foreign guests found this climate
-very unhealthy. The doctors
-were cutting, dosing, and
-blistering, to their hearts’ content.</p>
-
-<p>We re-entered the grounds with
-the intention of resuming our inspection
-where we had discontinued it, but we were subjected to a severe
-nervous shock the very morning of our reappearance.</p>
-
-<p>The bones of two waiters from one of the restaurants, had been discovered
-in the bath-room of the Sandwich Island Commissioners, picked
-clean.<span class="sidenote">HOKEE POKEE<br />WINKEE FUM.</span>
-The gentlemen of the legation had entrapped these unsuspecting
-servitors, plunged them into hot water, boiled them red as lobsters, and
-then made a little feast of them, a reminder of their national banquets.
-After feeding upon the poor unfortunates, they strewed their bones about
-the apartment without the slightest regard for neatness or decency.
-Grief-stricken<span class="pagenum" id="Page59">[59]</span>
-relatives recognized the remains
-by two false teeth and a glass
-eye which had not been consumed,
-and two weeping widows gathered
-up the bones, while five sobbing
-orphans scrubbed the floor clean.
-Our government immediately informed
-the court at Hawaii of this
-indiscretion on the part of its representatives,
-hinting that any repetition
-in the same quarter would be
-considered a gross breach of international
-etiquette.</p>
-
-<p>This incident so affected us that
-we at once applied for readmission
-to the hospital. It was refused us,
-and we were obliged to lay off for
-two days at our boarding house.
-When we started out again we proceeded
-at once to</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Agricultural Hall</span>.</p>
-
-<p>Our early progenitors having been
-tillers of the soil, the agricultural
-display brought to mind the days of
-our youth and “the old tabby cat
-that we threw in the well.” The
-turnips reminded us of the warm
-pressure of a parent’s hand; the early
-apples caused our thoughts to wander
-to the big peppermint bottle in the
-kitchen cupboard; in looking upon
-the luscious ox-heart cherries, we
-could imagine the bark of our neighbor’s
-dog; the parsnips brought to
-mind the face of our ancient school-mistress,
-the beets recalled to us her
-blessed ratan, and the sight of the
-onions finished up things by bringing
-tears to our eyes.</p>
-
-<p>In addition to productions of the
-soil, this department contained much
-of the field machinery for which
-America is so justly famous&mdash;agricultural
-implements, from an oyster
-knife to a haywagon; farm stock,
-from a potato bug to a prize ox;
-kitchen garden preparations, from a
-rhubarb pie to a paregoric dumpling.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">DOING THE<br />TROPICS.</span>The building was divided into
-tropics. At one end the tropic of
-Cancer, named in honor of an American
-disease; at the other, the tropic
-of Capricorn, a cereal indigenous to
-our soil. The other seven tropics
-were sprinkled between, at regular
-intervals. The live stock exhibit,
-belonging to this portion of the Exposition,
-was most interesting. Little
-piggy-wiggies with their tails
-neatly tied in red, white, and blue
-ribbon; representatives of turkey
-and shanghai amicably sharing the
-same Indian meal; horses eating out
-of silver plated fodder boxes; colts
-chewing at rosewood hitching posts;
-animated mutton chops and undevilled
-kidneys calculated to make an
-epicure’s mouth water; goats, cows,
-calves, heifers, and most rare of all,
-real, genuine, spring chickens, the
-very sort which the poet has so
-touchingly described in his sweet
-lines</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“You may fricassee, roast them, or stew, as you will,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">But the scent of the egg shell will cling round them still.”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p>There was also connected with
-this department an aviary, containing
-specimens of agricultural birds,
-from a bee to an ostrich.</p>
-
-<p>A little corner given up to old
-women and their herbs was so suggestive
-as to be painful; we steered
-clear of it and endeavored to rid our
-olfactories of the remembrance of
-catnip and senna, by hieing us to
-the birds, flowers, perfumes, and
-<span class="pagenum" id="Page60">[60]</span>
-fountains of Horticultural Hall. On
-our way thither we passed</p>
-
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">The Women’s Department</span>.</p>
-
-<p>We became aware of our approach
-to this sacred locality, by the Sabbath-like
-stillness which marked
-the vicinity. Into the pavilions no
-male foot was allowed to tread. The
-sides were of glass, and tickets merely
-conferred the privilege of looking
-through the transparent surface.
-We hinted in the preceding pages
-at some trouble concerning the erection
-of this building, and the ladies
-in a spirit of refined sarcasm, had
-made it a monument of man’s
-tyranny by building the wooden
-and iron work of broken broom handles,
-twisted pokers, and ruptured
-fire shovels.<span class="sidenote">UNWARRANTED<br />LIBERTIES.</span> The cement was mixed
-with handfuls of short human hair
-of variegated colors and various degrees
-of fineness.</p>
-
-<p>Women from all parts of the
-world were here on exhibition. All
-colors, nationalities, styles, and complexions,
-were properly classified
-and arranged within their respective
-departments. Each woman was
-ticketed with a fancy label, on which
-was inscribed her name, age, nativity,
-weight, prominent qualities and
-general record. With a few exceptions
-in the Asiatic and African
-avenues, the women were ticketed</p>
-
-<p class="center">“These Goods Not For Sale.”</p>
-
-<p>In the American District, there
-were some few notices such as</p>
-
-<p class="center">“Applying for a Divorce,<br />
-“Four months’ Widow,”<br />
-“Open for Negotiations.”</p>
-
-<p>The greatest order and most systematic
-detail was everywhere observable.
-Each age, from eighteen
-to eighty years, had a separate district.
-Those exceeding the latter
-age were carefully packed away in
-the sub-cellar.</p>
-
-<p>Electric wires being attached to
-each department, General Hawley
-sat comfortably in his office, and as
-he touched the springs, the women
-smiled, frowned, wept, and laughed
-in concert.</p>
-
-<p>We remained gazing upon this interesting
-exhibit, until we felt the
-temptation to break through the
-glass growing too strong for us,
-when we continued our way and
-entered the building sacred to Flora
-and Pomona, or in other words</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Horticultural Hall</span>.</p>
-
-<p>Pansies and violets! Sunflowers
-and forget-me-nots!! Rhododendrons
-and daffodils!!! Buttercups
-and dahlias!!!! Never, never, never,
-had such a thing been seen before.
-Every plant and every flower was
-labelled with its name and peculiarity,
-just like the women we had left.
-In some cases this did very well, in
-others it did very ill. Take, for
-instance, a single section&mdash;nay, but
-a small portion of the section, the
-hyacinth department, and see what
-hurt our feelings.</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Amy</span>; dazzling carmine, large
-spike.”</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Duchess of Richmond</span>; rose color;
-fine truss.”</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Mr. Macaulay</span>; light green, thin,
-large truss, watery.”</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Maria Theresa</span>; striped; perfect
-form.”</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Madame De Talleyrand</span>; pure,
-large compact truss, extra fine bell.”</p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Mrs. Beecher Stowe</span>; very
-showy spike.”</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page61">[61]</span></p>
-
-<p>“<span class="smcap">Anna Paulowna</span>; deep; pure
-white eye, large truss,” and so on.</p>
-
-<p>We know nothing whatever about
-either spike or truss, but we did not
-like this publicity of description
-one bit. Now, “<span class="smcap">Diebitsch Sabalkansky</span>;
-brilliant carmine, late,”
-nobody cares about. It makes no
-difference to anybody save his wife,
-whether Mr. Sabalkansky is early or
-late in his habits; but to have the
-heroines of our dreams, like Mrs.
-Beecher Stowe and Anna Paulowna,
-ticketed so slightingly, was more
-than we could bear with equanimity.</p>
-
-<p>We wandered for hours among
-the grand <i>Victoria Regias</i>, the sweet-scented
-<i>Heparusa longifolios</i>, the superb
-<i>Gloxianas</i>, the tiny <i>Hopdedoodle
-calaboosas</i>, and the stately <i>Acacias</i>.
-Fountains of rose-water splashed
-their sparkling drops among the
-dense and brilliant foliage; cataracts
-of soda-water scattered misty
-bicarbonate sprays upon the ornamental
-verdure. There were walks
-of shady palms, groves of graceful
-maples, African cedars, and South
-American vines. The hall, like the
-waist of Athen’s maid, was zone
-encircled. We paused for an instant
-beneath an India-rubber tree and
-gave full stretch to our imagination.
-We wondered what this world would
-be without flowers&mdash;a body without
-a soul. If the soul of man is God’s
-breath, the flowers are His smile.
-“Love flowers,” we said, imaginatively,
-to the people around us; “the
-promises of Heaven are written on
-their leaves. At births and marriages
-they are symbols of death, for
-with the fading sunlight they too
-fade; but white and pure upon the
-breast of the silent sleeper, ’tis life
-they typify, the life which knows no
-night&mdash;love flowers and teach your
-children to love them.”</p>
-
-<p>Thinking of flowers and children
-brought to mind the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Swedish Nursery and Kindergarten</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">erected upon the grounds, and we
-resolved to visit it before nightfall.</p>
-
-<p>We arrived there just in time to
-witness a good old-time spanking in
-the Swedish style, which is the Norway
-of doing it also. Both the
-delight and labor afforded the two
-participants in the operation seemed
-very unequally divided. We heard
-the schoolboy yell in Swedish, however,
-and learned how Swedish nightingales
-were made. The Swedish
-scholar is evidently not a model,
-though his school-house may be.
-But we must admit that the American
-youth surpasses all others in
-mischievous precocity. This fact
-was made painfully apparent just
-previous to the opening of the exhibition,
-in the trial of a little boy four
-years of age, son of one of the Park
-Guards, for larceny. Judge Finletter
-occupied the bench. We will insert</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">The Case</span>.</p>
-
-<p>The Park Commissioners furnish
-a certain quantity of old horse shoes,
-nails, and scraps of iron, semi-weekly,
-for the purpose of keeping the fountain
-of iron water in the Park up to
-the proper medicinal standard. This
-material is placed in the charge of
-one of the guards, <span class="sidenote">YOUTHFUL<br />DEPRAVITY.</span>and the lad had
-been in the habit of abstracting
-quantities of the metal and disposing
-of it, it was alleged, to the
-Phœnix Iron Works. This latter<span class="pagenum" id="Page62">[62]</span>
-allegation is not yet proven. Should
-such be the fact, we must deploringly
-conclude that a large quantity of the
-iron used in the construction of the
-Girard Avenue Bridge was obtained
-from this source. We shall suspend
-judgment, however, and continue
-using the bridge as usual until the
-firm is heard from and the matter
-settled. The boy was hanged.</p>
-
-<p>We obtained permission from the
-Superintendent of the Kindergarten
-to relate this little incident to young
-Sweden. We warned him against
-having Park guards for fathers, and
-demonstrated the pettiness of such
-a business as selling old iron, when
-the very highest price to be realized
-therefrom, under the most favorable
-circumstances and general state of
-commerce, is half a cent a pound.
-The children rose in a body when
-we had concluded and passed us a
-vote of thanks, so we left the establishment
-in the consciousness of
-duty well performed, and resolved
-to send our children of the future
-to Sweden to be kindergartened.</p>
-
-<p>Next morning we started out very
-early, with the determination of proceeding
-at once to the Main Building
-to make a tour among the foreign
-exhibitors, but our progress was arrested
-by the most remarkable occurrence
-ever happening in a civilized
-country.</p>
-
-<p>The day previous, Alderman Carpenter,
-of the Central Station, had
-invited</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Prince Hadjee Sadi Curryhotte</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">cousin of the Rajah of India, to drive
-with him through the Park. The
-Alderman having been the recipient
-of much attention from crowned
-heads during his recent visit to the
-old world, desired to reciprocate,
-hence the invitation. Most unfortunately,
-however, on approaching
-the Zoological Gardens, a train of
-cars rattled suddenly over the Pennsylvania
-Railroad Bridge. The
-horses became frightened, Carpenter
-lost control of the animals, the carriage
-was overturned, and Curryhotte,
-falling upon his head, was
-killed instantly. Of course this occurrence
-caused no surprise to Philadelphians.
-Upsets and “accidental
-deaths” in the Park from the same
-cause are looked for and expected at
-least three times a week; the trouble
-arose from the fact that the Prince
-had his wife in this country with
-him. As soon as she ascertained
-that she was a widow, she resolved
-upon a <span class="sidenote">A BURNING<br />SHAME.</span><i>suttee</i>. She called her relatives
-and friends together and bade
-them get the funeral pile in readiness
-upon the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3">“<span class="smcap">Grand Plaza</span>,”</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">where the fireworks are usually exhibited.
-The gentleman in charge
-of the model cemetery, already mentioned
-in these annals, was the only
-Caucasian informed of her intention,
-and he cheerfully colored his face,
-donned the flowing robes of a Brahmin,
-and accepted the appointment
-of Master of Ceremonies.</p>
-
-<p>Imagine our astonishment at coming
-upon this scene. The fire was
-crackling merrily away, the corpse
-was frizzling a beautiful brown, and
-the assembled participants were singing
-Hindoo hymns. The Master of
-Ceremonies was standing at the head
-of the flames with the widow in his
-arms. He was waiting till her husband<span class="pagenum" id="Page63">[63]</span>
-should be nearly gone before
-he chucked her on, in order to keep
-up the fun as long as possible.</p>
-
-<p>“Stop! hold!!” we shouted, as
-soon as we could control enough
-breath to utter the sounds; “stop!
-We cannot allow any such proceedings&mdash;drop
-that woman.”</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo065.jpg" alt="Burning the widow" />
-</div>
-
-<p>The Master of Ceremonies turned
-upon us fiercely&mdash;</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">“WHOSE FUNERAL<br />IS THIS?”</span>“Whose funeral is this?” he asked
-ironically, and there was a wicked
-gleam in his eye which plainly indicated
-that he wasn’t going to be
-defrauded of his job without a
-struggle. “Go on with the music,”
-he added, turning to the Hindoos,
-who had ceased singing at the interruption,
-and he raised the widow in
-his arms ready for the throw. Our
-bosoms swelled; we were about to
-annihilate him, when chance intervened
-to save his life. Some rumor
-of the contemplated ceremony had
-reached the ears of the Park Commissioners.
-Naturally indignant
-that any such thing should take
-place in the Park, without their
-permission being first asked and
-obtained, they now came rushing
-upon the ground with their little
-fire engine, closely followed by the
-Insurance Patrol. In less time than
-it takes to record it, the widow was
-wrapped up in oil skin blankets, the
-natives were howling other than
-hymn tunes, and the fire and Master
-of Ceremonies were both put out by
-well-directed streams of water. The
-latter threatened vengeance. He
-was the most disappointed man we
-have ever seen.</p>
-
-<p>Whether war with India will be
-the result of this interference in a
-national and religious custom, the
-future alone can tell. We proceeded
-upon our way, and entering the
-Centennial precincts, the world
-within the palings, we passed a
-week in inspecting the</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Foreign Departments</span>.</p>
-
-<p>The foreign display within the
-Main Building was grand, that outside<span class="pagenum" id="Page64">[64]</span>
-was grander still. Had our
-minds been one whit less strong, we
-should have been bewildered by the
-conglomeration.</p>
-
-<p>Turkish kiosks, Chinese pagodas,
-Japanese pavilions, Arabian tents,
-Persian bazaars, Egyptian temples,
-Mohammedan mosques, Gypsy encampments,
-and American drinks,
-enough to confuse any one. Then
-monuments, booths, fountains, and
-cigar stands innumerable. We will
-give one day as an example of our
-travels.</p>
-
-<p>We enter an Egyptian structure
-and behold an oriental barber shaving
-one of his countrymen. Egypt
-cannot teach us anything about shaving
-our countrymen; we do not linger
-here. As we leave the building a
-Russian britzska, a carriage invented
-especially for the use of spelling bees,
-dashes by us drawn by the very
-cream of Tartar steeds. We catch
-on behind until we reach a Persian
-bazaar. We gaze upon the long
-bearded native men, and the white
-shrouded native women, busily engaged
-in their national occupation
-of going to sleep, and become
-wrapped up in the shawls of imagination.
-We are aroused by a wailing
-outside, cries of grief mingled
-with curses and lamentations in
-choice Persian and gum Arabic.
-The cause of this wailing was soon
-made evident.</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Little Johnny Shah</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">heir-apparent to the throne of Persia,
-in a laudable thirst for knowledge,
-offered a piece of cake to one
-of the young lions in the Zoological
-Gardens. He wished to find out
-how old he was, by his teeth. The
-experiment will not affect the scientific
-world as much as it did the
-young Persian. That lion may still
-be seen picking finger-nails out of
-his teeth, and as all loyal subjects
-in Persia are expected to do as their
-sovereign does, a dispatch sent to
-Teheran announced the pleasing intelligence,
-that under the next Shah
-it would be the fashion to wear but
-half a finger and a thumb on the
-left hand. We remain awhile to
-share the grief of the stricken father
-and seventeen mothers, and then
-resume our pilgrimage.</p>
-
-<p>We pause for a moment before
-the French restaurant, enraptured,
-looking at the pretty girls and
-other dainties served up there. We
-decline the invitation of a Chinese
-drummer, hanging around to inveigle
-parties into the restaurant
-established by his country, with a
-long rigmarole about “kittens fried
-in castor oil,” and enter the Main
-Hall.</p>
-
-<p>We land in the desert of Sahara,
-but desert Sahara and step over to
-Spain. We look for bright-eyed
-señoritas, with black lace veils and
-stringless guitars; we have been educated
-to expect this in Spain, by the
-ladies of the “International Tea
-Party.” <span class="sidenote">WE SEE NO<br />SEÑORITAS.</span>We are disappointed; we
-find a few men who look as if they
-had walked all the way from Madrid,
-selling wine, fruit, and olive
-oil. We pass through Portugal;
-more wine, fruit, and olive oil. We
-hop through Japan, change a ten
-cent note for a bushel of their “hard
-money,” and sachey on. We linger
-for hours in fair France, principally
-in the Paris department. We saunter
-through Austria, stopping to speak
-a word of complimentary encouragement<span class="pagenum" id="Page65">[65]</span>
-to the Emperor, who looks a
-little down-hearted, evidently thinking
-of Vienna; then through Germany
-and Switzerland, until we
-reach Great Britain.</p>
-
-<p>She is gay and festive. She exhibits
-models of all her public
-buildings, among the most interesting
-being the tower in which Anna
-Bowlegs was decapitated. The
-order of this lady’s garter too is very
-curious, and is exhibited, together
-with her marriage certificate. The
-only article sold in this department is</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Windsor Soap</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">put up in neat boxes, <i>fac similes</i> of
-the castle in which its peculiar
-properties were first discovered.
-Victoria and the girls are faithful
-attendants at the table. They are
-assisted by Mr. John Bright, the
-eminent proprietor of a popular kidney
-disease, and also by the Chief of
-our Fire Department, who is suspiciously
-attentive to the oldest of the
-ladies. We end up our day’s travels
-in Russia. The tardy participation
-of this power was attributed in
-some quarters to the exertions of
-a Mrs. Catacrazy, who was offended
-by a Washington lady, and took
-this means, it is said, of “getting
-even.” Such is not the fact. The
-cause was, briefly, as follows:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Prince Gortschakoff</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">visited this country <i>incognito</i><span class="sidenote">A STATE<br />SECRET.</span> a short
-time ago, and of course passed a few
-days in Philadelphia. One day,
-leisurely walking through East
-Park, with his clay pipe in his
-mouth and his <i>shillalah</i> in his hand,
-he carelessly broke a small spray of
-green from a bush by the wayside
-and stuck it in his hat. A careful
-Park guard saw him and arrested
-him at once, on a charge of malicious
-mischief. The Prince remonstrated
-in choice Russian. The guard, pretending
-not to understand him, answered
-in Chaldaic, and dragged him
-before Magistrate Smith. He was
-fined five dollars for destroying the
-shrubbery and ten dollars for speaking
-disrespectfully to a Park guard.
-When it was discovered who the
-offender was, Mr. Wm. M. Bunn, in
-his capacity as Guardian of the Poor,
-at once paid the fine. Mr. Bunn
-explained to the Prince what a
-valuable country this was, when a
-foreigner is obliged to pay five dollars
-for a single green sprig.</p>
-
-<p>Gortschakoff gratefully presented
-Mr. Bunn with the order of the
-“Golden Fleece,” and regretted that
-he hadn’t another to bestow upon
-the magistrate.</p>
-
-<p>This and this alone was the cause,
-and we tell it confidentially to our
-countrymen.</p>
-
-<p>The tardiness, however, did not
-materially affect either the exhibit
-of Russia or the success of the Exposition.
-Indeed, the French visitors
-freely asserted that the Exhibition
-far surpassed the Vienna fair of ’72,
-and the German guests boldly declared,
-with a unanimous voice, its
-superiority to the Paris Exhibition
-of ’67.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page66">[66]</span></p>
-
-<h2 class="nobreak allclear"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER IX.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE FLICKERING.” ... <span class="smcap">How it dimmed and how it brightened.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo068.jpg" alt="F" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">F</span>ather Time seemed to be the
-only Philadelphian who did not
-deviate from his ordinary course
-of life during the Exhibition
-months. He continued sowing
-and reaping as usual; cutting the
-blooming flowers from the stem
-of the year, and counting the
-sands which carried with them
-into oblivion, gradually but surely,
-exhibition, visitors, commissioners,
-and restaurant keepers. But
-though his children were unable
-to prolong a single passing moment,
-they managed to crowd into
-each day as much novelty and
-excitement as would ordinarily
-suffice for a twelvemonth, and
-they got the better of the old man in this way.</p>
-
-<p>To attempt a record of one tithe of the many occurrences deserving
-immortalization at our hands, would be to meet with failure as complete
-as that which attended the experiment of Mr. Charles Airy, of Georgia,
-with his flying-machine, upon the third day of June, 1876.</p>
-
-<p>This young man had communicated with that eminent scientist, Mayor
-Stokley, about a year previous to the attempt. The Mayor, who delights
-in encouraging genius of all kinds, promised his countenance to a trial trip
-of the machine at Philadelphia during the Centennial year.</p>
-
-<p>“I will go with you,” he promised, “I, myself, will ascend with you
-into the illimitable ether; together will we make the attempt, together
-will we share the glory.”</p>
-
-<p>This fact becoming known, Messrs. Daniel Dougherty and George
-Francis Childs, anxious to imitate so noble an example, entered their
-names, too, upon the ship’s books for the voyage. Airy was happy, and
-his happiness became delirious joy when, a week previous to the date of
-departure, he received another application worded as follows:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page67">[67]</span></p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75"><span class="sidenote">SOARING<br />GENIUS.</span>“I long to soar above this world
-of trials. False outwardness weighs
-upon my heart; the scent of earth
-smothers the zephyrean impulses of
-my soul. Take me with you. Yon,
-yon, into that blissful atmospheric
-belt where hay-fevers are unknown.</p>
-
-<p class="right"><span class="padr6">“Confidingly yours,</span><br />
-<span class="padr2">“H. W. B.”</span></p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">The report of the coming trial of
-this air-ship spread rapidly throughout
-the land. Scientific men, railroad
-agents, and rapid transit speculators
-arrived in flocks and examined
-and re-examined the various rods,
-wires, screws, governors, pistons,
-cogs, gauges, and cranks. The newspapers,
-too, were lavish with preparatory
-puffs. Fate willed, however,
-that they should not be strong
-enough to blow success.</p>
-
-<p>The machine was constructed in
-the shape of an American eagle with
-outstretched wings. A neat little
-boudoir was fitted up for passengers
-between the ribs, and a refrigerator
-for provisions was suspended from
-the beak.</p>
-
-<p>The eventful morning arrived and
-saw an immense concourse of people
-at the foot of Sawyer’s Observatory,
-from the summit of which the experimental
-flight was to be made at
-10 o’clock precisely. At that hour
-the inventor was on hand, attired
-in pink tights and spangles. A note
-was handed to him by Mr. Sawyer;
-he read it aloud to the assemblage&mdash;</p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75"><span class="sidenote">HE COMETH<br />NOT.</span>“<span class="smcap">My
-Dear Airy</span>: I am unable to
-rise even from my bed, so of course
-can’t go up with you to-day. The
-doctor has just examined my silvery
-tongue, and bids me stay at home.
-He thinks I have been high enough
-this week, and says, jocosely, having
-been on a lark I had better ‘shoot
-the eagle.’ I lie here as I write you
-this note. Better luck next time.</p>
-
-<p class="right padr2">“<span class="smcap">Dougherty.</span>”</p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">Airy was disappointed, and his
-countenance grew longer when a
-second note quickly followed the
-first:&mdash;</p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">“Sad and broken are my spirits.
-I am out of heart to-day, for my
-hope of flying with you has itself
-just flown away. My young man
-has left the office, gone to meet his
-brother Jim, I must take the advertisements,
-hitherto received by him.
-Were I not tied to my Ledger&mdash;free
-upon my native wilds, naught but
-death could keep me from you.</p>
-
-<p class="right"><span class="padr15">“Ever yours,</span><br />
-“<span class="smcap">George Francis Childs</span>.”</p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">“Never mind,” sighed Airy, “as
-long as Stokley sticks by me, I
-don’t care.” But alas, the hour
-for starting came and passed, and
-Stokley put in no appearance.
-Another hour winged its silent
-flight, and the people below grew
-impatient. Thirty minutes more,
-and the Mayor was still among the
-wanting. Twelve o’clock pealed
-simultaneously from the restaurant
-clocks, always half an hour fast, and
-the inventor had sadly made up his
-mind to start alone, when a figure
-waving a red handkerchief appeared
-upon the brow of George’s Hill.
-“Ah,” shouted Airy, “Stokley at
-last&mdash;I knew he’d come.”</p>
-
-<p>The figure hurried on, but soon
-those upon the Observatory could
-see that it was not the Mayor.
-’Twas a more ponderous form, bare-headed,
-with a wealth of silver
-locks floating in the wind.</p>
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page68">[68]</span></p>
-
-<p>“Wait for me,” it cried, “oh
-wait for me, I pray!” and ten minutes
-later the great Plymouth
-preacher stood grasping Airy by
-the hand.</p>
-
-<p>“Let smiles, like summer buds,
-adorn the pastures of thy face&mdash;I’m
-here!”</p>
-
-<p>There was a bustle in the crowd,
-and the people cheered and cheered
-again, when it became evident that
-the wonderful machine was soon to
-move. The passenger was handed
-into the boudoir, and the inventor,
-getting astride of the metallic bird,
-tucked his coat tails beneath its
-sacred wings. The excitement below
-was intense.</p>
-
-<p>“I will wait five minutes more for
-Stokley,” said Mr. Airy; “he will be
-so disappointed if he finds I have
-started without him.”</p>
-
-<p>Suddenly the telegraphic wires
-attached to the bird’s tail began to
-work;&mdash;a message from Stokley at
-last.</p>
-
-<p>“Can’t come; wife won’t let me&mdash;<i>bon
-voyage</i>&mdash;Bill.”</p>
-
-<p>“Let go the ropes,” shouted
-Airy.</p>
-
-<p>The strings were cut from the
-eagle’s talons, and the great machine
-with a rush and a flutter, rose majestically
-five hundred feet in the
-air, and&mdash;majestically staid there.
-Then the intrepid rider began hunting
-for the screw designed to effect
-a downward motion, and the passenger
-in the boudoir began to look
-pale and anxious. The crowd below
-saw a little man frantically jerking
-at wires and springs, turning screws
-and varying gauges, and a metallic
-eagle stationery in the air above
-them.</p>
-
-<p>The inventor’s exertions were in
-vain; the machine wouldn’t go up
-and wouldn’t come down. There
-hung the noble bird with its noble
-freight, like Mahomet’s coffin,
-’twixt earth and heaven. Night
-fell and the eagle didn’t. The pale
-moon rose up slowly and calmly,
-she looked down, and her man
-seemed to be laughing at the unfortunate
-aeronauts. A week passed,
-and the refrigerator being empty, it
-was dropped from the bird’s beak in
-the hope of effecting a change of
-position;&mdash;but all in vain. That
-machine became an object of exclusive
-interest, and hundreds of plans
-were devised for reaching it, but
-without avail. <span class="sidenote">YE GALLANT TAR<br />AND HIS MORTAR.</span>Mortars were
-brought from the Navy Yard and
-provisions were shot up to the inventor,
-and bouquets and slippers to
-his companion. A loaf of rye bread
-hit the proud American eagle in the
-eye, and a veal cutlet knocked out
-the passenger’s front teeth. On the
-twelfth day of their elevation, a
-rope two miles long, manufactured
-expressly for the purpose, was tied
-around the body of a young porker.
-Piggy was then shot up from a
-mortar aimed by Mr. A. E. Borie,
-whose experience as Secretary of
-the Navy made him best fitted for
-the delicate and important task.
-The choice was well made; the porker
-landed in the passenger’s lap
-and was clasped to his bosom in a
-convulsive embrace. Then a discussion
-arose in the air ship as to
-which of the twain should be first
-lowered. A penny was tossed, and
-of course the passenger won. The
-haggard inventor sighed and submitted
-to the decree of fate. But
-the moment the great preacher was
-out of the machine, while he yet<span class="pagenum" id="Page69">[69]</span>
-dangled in air, it collapsed, and
-before the pitying and astounded
-crowd could utter the cry which
-rose to its lips, the wonderful aerial
-ship was a ton of old metal and
-straps, strewed about the Centennial
-grounds. The passenger came down,
-as he does all things, gracefully, and
-was caught in the outstretched arms
-of a delegation of his flock. Mr.
-Airy was shipped back to Georgia
-in sunburnt sections, just as he was
-found, a leg to-day, a thumb to-morrow,
-and a nose next week.
-They were still receiving small consignments
-of him at headquarters at
-last accounts. Coroner’s verdict:&mdash;“Too
-much gas in the balloon to
-allow it to come down, and not
-enough to carry it up higher.”</p>
-
-<p>This failure cast a gloom over the
-exhibition, which was not dispelled
-until the 21st day of the month,
-when the great “cricket match”
-was inaugurated.</p>
-
-<p>This was an interesting occasion,
-long anticipated in sporting circles.
-The celebrated “Newhall Eleven”
-was to be pitted against the “All
-Comers Eleven,” for the championship
-of America, a silver belt and a
-tin water vessel in the shape of a
-pocket flask.</p>
-
-<p>The game was called at five
-o’clock in the morning, upon the
-International cricket ground in the
-rear of Horticultural Hall. The
-“Newhall Eleven” was sent to the
-bat, Hen and Bill having charge of
-the wickets, with Herb Meade and
-Pop Beer attending to the bowls.</p>
-
-<p>Henry began by drawing his leg
-for one, and continued this surgical
-operation by drawing his arm for
-another one, which made two.
-Bill started off and lost his stump,
-which was picked up by Pop Beer,
-who regretted to find it out. Pete
-Newhall then came in. By a hit to
-square leg he made four, and by a
-miss to round leg, six. The game
-now became exciting. Three leg
-bails and two leg byes were scored
-on Herb Meade, who after following
-with two wides and one narrow,
-was relieved by Joe Large. He
-began with a maiden who brought
-in a <span class="sidenote">SINGLES, DOUBLES,<br />AND
-TRIPLETS.</span>single, double, and triplets in
-quick succession. Hen Newhall was
-caught out by Beer, and his brother
-Tim came to the scratch confident
-and fresh as a daisy. He gave evidence
-of careful training, and got in
-a good cut with his pocket knife.
-He followed this with a drive
-through the park, after which
-several more maidens were gallantly
-picked up by Messrs. Outerbridge
-and Wirebridge, when, the crowd
-being asleep, the continuation of the
-game was postponed until the next
-day.</p>
-
-<p>Tim Newhall retired gracefully
-on a squirmer, and Ike came in on a
-check, opening with a splendid hit
-under the ropes beyond the bottle
-holder, scoring four. Joe Large
-here burnt his fingers on a hot liner,
-and Ike, by a hit between long leg
-and short leg, scored another two.
-The bowlers were then changed for
-Messrs. Caldwell and Calledill, and
-the game proceeded.</p>
-
-<p>The Newhall Eleven continued
-gallivanting among maidens and
-wides and byes, until they had
-scored 202, when the selected eleven
-went in. They could do nothing,
-however, against the heavy Newhall
-bowling. Large, Small, and Medium
-went out in one, two, three, order.
-Caldwell caught a ball between his<span class="pagenum" id="Page70">[70]</span>
-teeth and held it there while he
-made twenty-three runs, winning
-the tin flask for the best individual
-score, but beyond this the play was
-weak.</p>
-
-<p>We shall not attempt a chemical
-analysis of the bowling, but merely
-give the following record of runs,
-which contains all that is historical&mdash;the
-result.</p>
-
-<table class="cricket" summary="Cricket">
-
-<tr>
-<th colspan="2" class="team">“<i>Newhall Eleven.</i>”</th>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<th>&#160;</th>
-<th class="right fsize80"><span class="smcap">Runs.</span></th>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">George Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">20</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Sam. Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">19</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Hen Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">18</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Bill Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">17</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Ike Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">18</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Tim Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">19</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Pete Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">18</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Bob Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">19</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Dave Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">17</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Ed. Newhall</td>
-<td class="runs">17</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Oldhall himself</td>
-<td class="runs">20</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player"><span class="padl4">Total</span></td>
-<td class="runs bt">202</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<th colspan="2" class="team">“<i>Selected Eleven.</i>”</th>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<th>&#160;</th>
-<th class="right fsize80"><span class="smcap">Runs.</span></th>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Joseph Large</td>
-<td class="runs">0</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Ephraim Small</td>
-<td class="runs">0</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Manassah Medium</td>
-<td class="runs">0</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">John Outerbridge</td>
-<td class="runs">15</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Jim Innerbridge</td>
-<td class="runs">14</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Fred Wirebridge</td>
-<td class="runs">13</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Herb Meade</td>
-<td class="runs">5</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Pop Beer</td>
-<td class="runs">4</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Jake Caldwell</td>
-<td class="runs">23</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Moe Calledill</td>
-<td class="runs">11</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player">Abe Rooster</td>
-<td class="runs">2</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="player"><span class="padl4">Total</span></td>
-<td class="runs bt">87</td>
-</tr>
-
-</table>
-
-<p>In compliance with the request of
-the Executive Committee, this was
-the only inning played. Too many
-foreign visitors lost their fortunes
-in betting to admit of a continuance.</p>
-
-<p>The day after this match things
-looked gloomy again. The Philadelphia
-Rifle Club, designing to
-take part in the International
-Shooting Match in September, went
-out to the Park to practise, taking
-the shield-like boards containing
-the Park Regulations for targets.
-In seven minutes four little children
-were shot dead. ’Tis true they were
-very little children, and their parents
-had plenty more of the same
-kind at home; still the occurrence
-was unpleasant. Fortunately the
-Park Commissioners interfered with
-this mode of practising before any
-of the sign-boards had been injured.</p>
-
-<p>An American Camp Meeting and
-a Mock Battle were the other principal
-novelties which filled out the
-programme of the week. We stayed
-away from the camp-meeting on
-principle&mdash;they kept perpetually
-passing the contribution box, so of
-course we know nothing of it, and
-were not benefited by it. <span class="sidenote">THE DIN<br />OF WAR.</span>The mock
-battle, however, was entirely in our
-line. We come from old Revolutionary
-stock. The powder box is
-among our earliest recollections, and
-we cut our first teeth on bullets.
-A really first-class mock battle
-thrills us to the core. We are ready
-to look on at any time.</p>
-
-<p>The militia encamped in the
-vicinity of Belmont, and formed
-during some months of the Exposition,
-a most attractive feature.
-The boys, in neat white tents, with
-carpeted floors, walnut furniture, and
-spring-chicken breakfasts, endured
-all the luxuries of real camp-life.
-They were compelled to rise at eight
-o’clock every morning, black their<span class="pagenum" id="Page71">[71]</span>
-boots, brush their hair, and prepare
-to meet their lady friends. At 2
-P. M. the roll was called, and every
-man was required to report for
-dinner; after which, the army drove
-around the Park in carriages supplied
-by the Commissioners. Foreign
-commanders of all grades and
-nationalities pronounced them the
-cleanest, neatest, jauntiest lot of
-heroes they had ever seen. Small
-wonder that the boys wanted a
-fight!</p>
-
-<p>The battle was to be followed by
-a hop. Special invitations by Dreka,
-on tinted paper adorned with suitable
-monograms, were sent to the
-lady acquaintances of the warriors
-taking part. The ground was well
-sprinkled with saw-dust for the
-convenience and protection of the
-dying and the dead.</p>
-
-<p>At eight A. M., the boys having
-risen an hour earlier than usual,
-Col. R. Dale Benson entered the
-ring and rode around it three times
-at break-neck speed, amid the tremendous
-plaudits of a tremendous
-crowd. In one hand he carried the
-stars and stripes; in the other, his
-unsheathed sword. His horse’s
-bridle he held between his teeth.
-With a final “<span class="smcap">Houp La</span>,” he vanished
-behind the screen. General
-Wagner, who commanded the opposing
-party, then rode in, bowed
-to the audience, and placed a chip of
-wood on his left shoulder. Benson
-returned, minus the flag, and boldly
-knocked the chip off. <span class="sidenote">THE COMBAT DEEPENS&mdash;<br />ON,
-YE BRAVES!</span>This was the
-signal for the fray. Drums were
-beat, trumpets sounded; the crowd
-applauded, children shrieked, women
-fainted, and amid all the din,&mdash;</p>
-
-<div class="poetry-container">
-
-<div class="poetry">
-<div class="stanza">
-<span class="verse indent00">“Forth from the canvas tent,<br /></span>
-<span class="verse indent0">Marched the First Regiment,”<br /></span>
-</div><!--stanza-->
-</div><!--poetry-->
-
-</div><!--poetry-container-->
-
-<p class="noindent">while from the opposite side of the
-field, the Second Regiment and the
-Jersey Blues approached, preceded
-by the West Point Drum Corps.
-Around from the left wing, cautiously
-moving forward, came the
-Keystone Battery, each swarthy gunner
-with a camelia in his button-hole,
-while the City Troop, bouncing
-upon their martial steeds, came
-gaily from the right. Suddenly their
-captain, Rogers, rushed to the centre
-of the arena. He waved his
-sword on high.</p>
-
-<p>“Forward, the <i>Light</i> Brigade&mdash;Charge
-for the guns,” he said; and,
-quick as thought, the swarthy gunners
-were flying like chaff before
-the wind.</p>
-
-<p>And now broke out the dread roll
-of musketry, and the air was obscured
-by the terrible smoke of war.
-The First Regiment fired four volleys
-in quick succession, to make
-the smoke thick, and then fell flat
-to the ground. Meantime, the Jersey
-Blues dashed forward with fixed
-bayonets to recapture the battery
-and return it to the swarthy gunners,
-who were now distributed
-around various parts of the Park.
-The nervous excitement among the
-lookers-on became almost too great
-to bear. Don Carlos of Spain, who
-was on the grand stand, pulled off
-his coat and was only restrained
-from jumping into the ring through
-the exertions of General Grant,
-whose own pulse was beating high.</p>
-
-<p>The smoke cleared away, and then
-leapt into the <i>mêlée</i> the star of the
-entertainment, General Philip Sheridan,
-standing erect upon his bare-backed
-steed. Shout upon shout
-greeted his appearance, and it was
-fully five minutes before the audience<span class="pagenum" id="Page72">[72]</span>
-would allow the battle to proceed.</p>
-
-<p>The City Troop stood immovable
-before the gleaming bayonets of
-their assailants; the First and Second
-Regiments popped away at
-each other with blank cartridges,
-and General Sheridan, alone in the
-centre of the field, uttered the wild
-blood-curdling <span class="sidenote">WHOOP!</span>whoop which he had
-learned from the savages, and which
-stands him in such good service in
-his married life. Few women could
-brave a whoop like that.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo074.jpg" alt="General Sheridan" />
-</div>
-
-<p>Such was the position of the field,
-and victory seemed doubtful upon
-which banner to perch.</p>
-
-<p>“Surrender!” shouted the Captain
-of the Jersey Blues.</p>
-
-<p>“Never!” thundered Rogers of the
-Troop.</p>
-
-<p>“Whoop! whoop!” came thrillingly
-from the lungs of Sheridan.</p>
-
-<p>“Advance in solid square and
-flank them on both ends,” commanded
-Benson of the doughty
-First.</p>
-
-<p>“Open ranks, trap them into your
-centre and then close about them,”
-ordered Col. Neff, of the Invincible
-Second.</p>
-
-<p>“Whoop! whoop! whoop!” yelled
-Little Phil.</p>
-
-<p>“Hold one moment,” sounded a
-deep full voice above all the rest,
-the voice of Sherman, the umpire;
-“who’s to win this battle? It’s past
-lunch time and I should like the
-thing decided.”</p>
-
-<p>At the word “lunch,” a change
-came o’er the scene.</p>
-
-<p>“We surrender,” remarked Rogers.</p>
-
-<p>“Whoop!” shouted Sheridan for
-the last time, and Col. Benson,
-mounting one of the guns, crowed
-lustily. The warriors, covered with
-sawdust and glory, then mingled
-with the crowd; and when we left
-the ladies were busily engaged brushing
-the former from the uniforms of
-their favorites, who were modestly<span class="pagenum" id="Page73">[73]</span>
-receiving the latter in the congratulations
-of all around them.</p>
-
-<p>We didn’t wait for the hop, but
-learned that it was as satisfactory as
-the military display.</p>
-
-<p>And so passed the time until that
-day of days, the Fourth of July,
-1876. One hundred thousand Americans,
-who had not taken part in
-their country’s first birth-day celebration,
-resolved to atone for that
-neglect upon this occasion. Statues
-were to be unveiled, fountains dedicated,
-salutes fired, and fireworks
-exploded. An enthusiastic astronomer
-predicted that the sun would
-rise an hour earlier than the regulation
-time for the season upon this
-great day and his augury proved
-correct.</p>
-
-<p>At four o’clock A. M. the Mayor of
-the city, who, with the members of
-Councils, had slept upon the grounds,
-entered the Main Exhibition Hall,
-read a few chapters of the Bible
-from the top of the southeastern
-tower, and finished up with his
-usual proclamation forbidding the
-firing of guns and pistols other than
-those specially ordered for the salutes.
-A selected choir of mysterious
-pilgrims then sang a choice
-collection of hymns.</p>
-
-<p>At the conclusion of this religious
-exercise, free lunch and forty thousand
-loaves of bread were distributed
-from the steps of Memorial Hall. It
-was an imposing sight to behold the
-long line of visitors, who were living
-here on the European plan, with
-their tin-pails and baskets, waiting
-for the loaves and soup.</p>
-
-<p>At seven o’clock the Liquor Dealers’
-Protective Union proceeded to
-the Catholic Temperance Fountain,
-and dedicated the same with appropriate
-ceremonies. The president of
-the T. A. B.’s turned on the cock,
-and for the first half hour the magnificent
-fountain spouted sparkling
-streams of golden whisky,<span class="sidenote">A GOOD<br />TURN.</span> generously
-supplied as a pleasant surprise by the
-Protective Union.</p>
-
-<p>The statue of Christopher Columbus,
-the jolly salt previously mentioned
-in this history, was next to
-be unveiled. It was serenaded by
-an orchestra of eighty hand-organs,
-after which the Italian societies and
-citizens were addressed in their native
-tongue by the Italian Minister
-to the United States. He commenced,
-naturally, with a glowing
-eulogy upon his immortal countryman&mdash;</p>
-
-<p>“Sono rare e fugaci le occasioni
-grandi, ed è pudenza e magnanimita,
-quando si offeriscono, l’accettarle,”
-said he, “and the noble man, whose
-statue reared by loving hands now
-stands beneath that veil, took his
-tide at its flood. Ill mondo è un bel
-libro, ma poco serve a chi non lo sa
-leggere, but ’twas a book which was
-plain to him, a book which he had
-read, an open page which he had
-studied.</p>
-
-<p>“Ill sangue nobile è un accidente
-della fortuna; le azioni nobili carratterizzano
-il grande. No title greeted
-his coming to the world, but he left
-at his exit a name which still lives
-freshly on every tongue, while hundreds
-of potentates and their titles
-are forever buried in oblivion. Raise,
-raise the veil and let his features
-smile upon us.”</p>
-
-<p>Amid cheers and <i>vivas</i>, the veil
-was raised; when lo&mdash;the committee
-had made a mistake, and instead of
-Columbus, the statue of Religious
-Liberty erected by the Jewish order<span class="pagenum" id="Page74">[74]</span>
-of <i>B’nai B’rith</i> was exposed to view.
-The Italian minister was disgusted,
-and so were the Jewish lodges when
-they arrived and found their statue
-already unveiled. They arranged
-matters amicably, however, and
-started off with the sons of sunny
-Italy to discover the great discoverer
-and let off their speeches at
-the base of his monument. At ten
-o’clock there was a grand military
-review, of which we will spare our
-readers the account, and at twelve
-precisely the International Concert
-in the open air was inaugurated
-with a symphony by twenty thousand
-string instruments. Most of
-the people thought the musicians
-were just tuning up, so of course the
-symphony was a success. At its
-conclusion an awful and unexpected
-sound startled the assemblage. The
-earth trembled, and the towering
-trees bent their haughty heads to
-earth. The Messrs. Krupp of Prussia,
-had fired off their mammoth
-gun. As soon as the report reached
-police headquarters, a posse under
-command of Chief Jones started
-for the grounds and arrested the
-Messrs. Krupp, their engineers and
-firemen, for violating the Mayor’s
-proclamation. They passed the remainder
-of the day in the cells at
-Fifth and Chestnut Streets. After
-the excitement caused by this proceeding
-had subsided, the concert
-was continued.</p>
-
-<p>The national hymn of each country
-was rendered by its native artists
-in appropriate costumes, all at the
-same time. The Mukdeesha Warblers
-from the Eastern shore of
-Africa, made the most noise; and
-the English singers in their affecting
-anthem “God shave the Queen,”
-made the most music.</p>
-
-<p>It was four o’clock P. M. before
-the last howl died on the summer
-air, and then the crowds began moving
-towards the “Grand Plaza.”
-Here the display of <span class="sidenote">FIREWORKS&mdash;<br />HEREDITARY
-TALENT.</span>fireworks was
-to take place under the direction of
-Professor Jackson, son of the Professor
-Jackson who directed the
-famous fireworks at New Orleans
-some years previously. One large
-piece was erected in honor of each
-State in the Union, and one in
-honor of each Nation represented
-in the Exposition. We make a few
-extracts from the programme (printed
-on white satin) which was handed
-to each attendant at the “Plaza,”
-young and old, rich and poor.</p>
-
-<p>21. <span class="smcap">The City of Philadelphia</span>:&mdash;A
-large Quaker with broad-brimmed
-hat in blue and gold. His feet represent,
-respectively, Philadelphia and
-West Philadelphia, with the Schuylkill
-River, at white heat, flowing
-between. The tip of his hat typifies
-the State House steeple, and Seybert’s
-bell will ring inside while the
-piece is burning.</p>
-
-<p>40. <span class="smcap">The Exhibition Buildings</span>:&mdash;Gold,
-silver, and currency flames,
-with violet lights in relief. The
-commissioners in red, white, and blue,
-with stars darting from their eyes,
-distributed judiciously through the
-piece.</p>
-
-<p>54. <span class="smcap">The Lion and the Eagle
-lying down together</span>:&mdash;Symbolic of
-the peace ’twixt England and America.
-N.B. The Eagle is inside of
-the Lion.</p>
-
-<p>72. <span class="smcap">Pearls beyond Price</span>:&mdash;A
-golden oyster opens and emits in
-order the coats of arms of the thirteen
-original States.</p>
-
-<p>84. <span class="smcap">A good Puff</span>:&mdash;A mammoth
-cigar, which, shedding its outer<span class="pagenum" id="Page75">[75]</span>
-wrapper, will reveal the form and
-features of General Grant in blue
-blazes.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">GETTING<br />HOME.</span>At 5.15 o’clock, Professor Jackson
-thanked the Lord that all his preparations
-were completed; at 5.20 the
-Lord responded with the heaviest
-shower of rain witnessed since the
-deluge. It exceeded Mr. Jackson’s
-usual showers, in the same proportion
-as this spectacular effort was to
-have exceeded his former pyrotechnic
-exhibitions. The fire-works were
-turned to water-works, and the
-crowd sadly and slowly worked its
-passage home.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="chapter">
-
-<h2 class="nobreak"><span class="chapno">CHAPTER X.</span><br />
-<span class="chapname">“THE SMOKE.” ... <span class="smcap">How it went up.</span></span></h2>
-
-</div><!--chapter-->
-
-<div class="illocap">
-<img src="images/illo077.jpg" alt="S" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="chapstart"><span class="afterillocap">S</span>ere and yellow grows the leaf
-in these closing pages of our volume,
-and in now recording the
-last doings in connection with
-the Exposition, we would have
-such a splendid opportunity for
-enlarging upon the mutability of
-mundane affairs, that we regret
-having neither the space nor contract
-for moralizing. We feel that
-we could say something striking,
-something original, something to
-be remembered on the reader’s
-deathbed, as a balm and consolation&mdash;but
-alas, prosaic publishers
-forbid; they will not allow us to
-inscribe words which might make
-death appear desirable.</p>
-
-<p>On the tenth day of September the charge for admission to the Exposition
-was reduced one-half for the time of its continuance. This action
-occasioned a great influx of European nobility and gentry, parties who
-had been waiting for the reduction, and the extreme capacity of the
-various steamship lines was taxed for their accommodation. Baron
-Rothschild, Baroness Burdett Coutts, and the Marquis of Lorne were
-among those who gave a new spurt of brilliancy to the affair. The poor
-Greeks came too, during these months, and their eminent countryman
-A. T. Stewart also made his first appearance upon the grounds.</p>
-
-<p>By this time most of the potentates had departed. We had become so
-used to affecting farewells, that the tears started voluntarily to our
-eyes<span class="pagenum" id="Page76">[76]</span>
-whenever we chanced to hear a
-steamboat bell or a locomotive
-whistle. Only one of the potentates
-left without paying his hotel
-bill, a most gratifying fact. We
-refrain from mentioning his name
-out of consideration for his family.</p>
-
-<p>Things in general, out upon the
-grounds and in the buildings, began
-to look seedy, and the combined
-action of the Chinese and Japanese
-Commissioners, in summarily shutting
-up their portion of the show
-and going home, was productive of
-a general feeling of listlessness, a
-sort of forewarning of the end. We
-are sure that everything was done
-that could be done to please these
-pigtailed and pig-headed Celestials,
-but the fact is, the old boy himself
-couldn’t satisfy them. We have
-no desire to record anything harsh,
-but we deem it our plain duty to
-state clearly, for the vindication of
-our beloved country in the eyes of
-posterity, what really occasioned
-this sudden move.</p>
-
-<p>Every candid reader will admit
-that it could by no possibility prove
-an easy task to supply, for the many
-varieties of visitors of such different
-tastes and habits, a full and
-liberal allowance of palatable food,
-such as that to which they had
-been accustomed. After the episode
-of the Sandwich Island Commission
-which we have noted, the
-gentlemen of this delegation were
-given free run of the anatomical departments
-of Jefferson Medical College
-and the University, and the
-Executive Committee congratulated
-itself that they, at least, were
-provided for. And so they were.
-No more waiters were missed
-during the entire time of their
-stay. But suddenly, there was a
-revolution at the “Globe Hotel”
-and a mutiny at the “Transcontinental.”</p>
-
-<p>Day after day had the stewards
-of these hotels scoured the Callowhill
-Street, the Spring Garden Street,
-the Girard Avenue, and <i>all</i> the city
-markets with terrier dogs and shotguns,
-hunting rats<span class="sidenote">GIVE ’EM<br />RATS!</span> to be served to
-the Celestials at their establishments.
-Traps, too, were placed
-under each stall; in short every
-luxury the markets afforded in this
-line was prepared for them, and the
-products of thousands of private
-traps were generously donated by
-patriotic citizens, and yet the supply
-was not equal to the demand.
-Our visitors found a peculiar fascinating
-flavor in the American rat,
-and it became absolutely impossible
-to satisfy them. Then, too, the
-candles at these hostelries disappeared
-in a rapid and mysterious
-manner. Mysterious until one fatal
-Wednesday evening, when a Mandarin
-of the first rank, who was entitled
-to wear six swords and able
-to swallow the half dozen at once,
-and who consequently ought to have
-known better, was discovered with
-a box of penny dips under his flowing
-robes, making his way stealthily
-up the cellar steps at the “Globe.”
-The very same evening a great commotion
-was raised at the “Transcontinental”
-by the discovery of Gail
-Hamilton’s lapdog, stewed in kerosene
-oil, in the private chamber of
-the Secretary of the Chinese delegation.
-As might be expected, the
-visitors joined cause, braved the
-thing out, and declared that they
-were being starved, and were forced
-to this action to sustain life. Then,<span class="pagenum" id="Page77">[77]</span>
-packing up their goods, they left indignantly
-in a body.</p>
-
-<p>Reunions and conclaves, however,
-and meetings of national and international,
-social, philanthropic, medical
-and scientific bodies, kept things
-tolerably lively, and the month of
-October was really brilliant. There
-was a horse show, a cattle show, a
-dog show, and a poultry show. There
-was to have been a baby show too.
-In fact, it was announced and arranged,
-but was broken up on the
-very day of opening by a terrible
-battle among the mothers.<span class="sidenote">THE BATTLE OF<br />THE
-MOTHERS.</span></p>
-
-<p>This battle was consequent upon
-the arrival of a</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcapall">MRS. McDUFF</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">with a red-headed and cross-eyed
-infant.</p>
-
-<p>“Begurra, what are ye doin’ here?
-go home wid ye,” was her greeting
-to the fond mammas seated in the
-live-stock yard of the Pennsylvania
-R. R. Co. with their babies in their
-arms. “What’s the good o’ ye a
-sittin’ here, compating wid me
-Mickey?&mdash;arrah, luk at the child
-and tell me where’s his ekul&mdash;sure
-there’s nary one among ye has a
-baby fit to go ’longside o’ him, wid
-his beautiful awburn hair and the
-shwate smile atwixt his eyes&mdash;go
-home wid ye, go home!”</p>
-
-<p>And, rolling up her sleeves she
-improvised a war dance.</p>
-
-<p>After four buckets of gore had
-been spilled, the managers adjourned
-the exhibition, giving every survivor,
-without exception, a gold
-medal. Under the circumstances
-this was their wisest possible action.</p>
-
-<p>Of all the live-stock exhibitions
-the dog show was the most successful.
-The International Exposition
-would have been sadly wanting in
-completeness if the faithful companion
-of man had been denied a place
-and recognition within its hallowed
-precincts. He had a place. The
-R. R. Drove Yards were arranged
-in tiers, after the style of <i>La Scala</i>
-at Milan, only, instead of accommodating
-but thirty-six hundred spectators,
-the drove yards accommodated,
-easily, as many thousands.
-We know of nothing to which this
-show can be likened save the dog
-pound in August. Wherever the
-lorgnette or opera glass was directed,
-spaniels, poodles, bloodhounds, terriers,
-pointers, setters, and bone-crunchers
-of every species, from the
-board yard mongrel who never
-earned an honest meal, to the noble
-St. Bernard who saves a life every
-morning before breakfast; from the
-lady’s pet with his golden collar, to
-the pugilist’s bull-dog with his iron
-chain, met the gaze and bewildered
-the senses. Every dog had his day
-with him, tied up in tissue paper,
-and it was a pleasing sight to notice&mdash;at
-a distance&mdash;the wistful eye
-with which many of the canines
-followed the forms of plump visitors,
-and the broad grin with which they
-greeted a well-developed thigh.</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">The International Regatta</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent">was the last affair of prominence,
-save the distribution of prizes,
-directly connected with the Exposition.</p>
-
-<p>During the entire Spring and
-Summer our local boat clubs had
-been in active training, sitting on
-the ornamental balconies of their
-houses, smoking good cigars and<span class="pagenum" id="Page78">[78]</span>
-telling bad jokes; but they generously
-vied with one another in the
-attention bestowed upon visiting
-clubs, sustaining well the reputation
-for hospitality usually accorded to
-jolly watermen.</p>
-
-<p>The 12th day of the month was
-the great day of the Regatta, the
-sports opening with a single scull
-race between the commodores of the
-leading American navies.</p>
-
-<p>Early in the morning Commodore
-Ferguson, of the Schuylkill Navy,
-might have been seen cruising up
-and down the river, in his flag-ship,
-the old frigate “Constitution.” In
-one hand he held a long stick with
-a hook at the end, which he used
-for fishing old boots, hats, and other
-obstructions from the stream; in the
-other he held a pair of opera glasses.
-These he raised now and then to his
-weatherbeaten eye, inspecting ratline,
-spar, spike, mast, shroud, windlass,
-and jib-boom of the fleet under
-his command. The fish from the
-river had been removed temporarily
-to the aquaria in the Zoological
-Gardens, and the Turbine wheels
-were reversed to pump water into
-the river from the reservoir, so that
-the boats might not run aground too
-easily. Both sides of the river, along
-the entire course, from the Steamboat
-landing to Rockland, were actually
-lined with spectators. Ensigns,
-pennants, signal flags, and streamers
-were flying from every available
-point, and old Sol smiled down
-graciously from above, with his time
-honored face newly burnished for
-the occasion, and reflecting its own
-happiness in the splashing water-drops
-below.</p>
-
-<p>First in position was James Gordon
-Bennett of New York, stripped
-to the waist, with only a scarf of
-Scotch plaid thrown negligently
-about his editorial form. This poor
-young man makes his living by rowing
-and walking matches, literally
-the sweat of his brow, and the sympathies
-of the crowd were with him.
-He was in a paper boat, made of old
-“Heralds” and weighing just nine
-pounds. On his left was Mr. Lorillard,
-in a skiff made of pressed
-tobacco leaves. Occasionally he
-leaned over to the edge of his boat
-and bit a piece out. Commodore
-Forbes of Boston, was seated in the
-identical boat used by Paul Revere
-when he rowed from Lexington to
-Boston to give that alarm Mr. Longfellow
-wrote about, and Commodore
-Kingsland had a silver boat. His
-colors were blue, and he looked his
-colors all over when he glanced towards
-Bennett. Commodore Dickinson
-of Brooklyn, was accompanied
-by his sister, Anna E., as coxswain;
-this being required of him on account
-of the family light weight; his colors
-were green.</p>
-
-<p>At precisely half past ten, Commodore
-Ferguson fired a brick into the
-river<span class="sidenote">WHO FIRED<br />THAT
-BRICK?</span>, which was the signal agreed
-upon, and the half score of contestants,
-after the usual salute, dipped
-their oars and made such a splendid
-start that it was vociferously <i>encored</i>.</p>
-
-<p>Secretary Robeson took the lead,
-closely followed by Bennett, the latter
-being hotly pressed by Forbes of
-Boston. Then McGinnis of St.
-Louis, made a spurt, got alongside
-of the “Herald,” which was soaking
-up water like a sponge. The race
-was now bow to bow for a few seconds,
-when O’Brien of Chicago, got
-rapidly forward. Robeson would
-still have had a good lead if the<span class="pagenum" id="Page79">[79]</span>
-boats had been on the return trip.
-Opposite the Girard Bridge Commodore
-O’Shaughnessy of Baltimore,
-fouled Commodore Riley of New
-Orleans, and the other contestants
-being in the rear, the race narrowed
-down to Bennett, Lorillard, Forbes,
-and McGinnis. Near the Columbia
-Bridge, McGinnis ran his penknife
-through Forbes of Boston’s tub, and
-though Lorillard promptly tendered
-a plug from his vessel to stop the
-leak, this delayed all but the irrepressible
-Bennett, who won the race
-in 23 minutes 33½ seconds. This,
-strangely enough, was the same result
-which had been published in
-the “N. Y. Herald” that same
-morning, five hours before the race
-began.</p>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo081.jpg" alt="Regatta" />
-</div>
-
-<p>There remains now but little more
-to record. “Screw up your courage
-to the sticking point” (sticking
-things into the fire), for we shall
-soon part, mayhap to meet no more
-in print. We are happily permitted,
-however, before concluding, to add
-weight to the oft-repeated assertion
-that <span class="smcapall">HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF</span>. Let
-sceptics reading what follows, change
-the current of their unbelieving
-thoughts.</p>
-
-<div class="dream">
-
-<p>Now the end of the days of the Exposition
-was drawing nigh, and it came to pass that
-the chief of all the city’s people dreamed a
-dream.</p>
-
-<p>And lo, in this dream he beheld a man sitting
-lonely upon a lump of frozen water; his
-features were set and stern in mould, and icicles
-dangled from the tips of his fingers and
-his nose.</p>
-
-<p><span class="sidenote">AND THE VOICE<br />SAID
-“WOE!”</span>And it seemed to the chief that he heard
-in his dream a voice, and the voice said,
-“Woe!”</p>
-
-<p>Yea, “woe to those who have done this
-thing, who have placed me here in this
-frigid spot and forgotten my existence.”</p>
-
-<p>“When they die may their noses long for
-icicles and long in vain, may their parched
-tongues cleave into the gum roofing of their
-mouths, and in their misery may they think
-of me.”</p>
-
-<p>And the chief man rose up early in the
-morning and summoned before him, Mr. Sansom,
-the interpreter of the court, and related
-to him his dream.</p>
-
-</div><!--dream-->
-
-<p><span class="pagenum" id="Page80">[80]</span></p>
-
-<div class="dream">
-
-<p>But the interpreter shrugged his shoulders,
-and muttering, “nix firstay,” he retired to his
-studies of the mystic and the profound.</p>
-
-<p>But it happened that when the city’s organs
-published the dream, the minds of men reverted
-to their solicitor in the vaults of the
-Knickerbocker Ice Co., and the interpretation
-of the dream was clear.</p>
-
-<p>And the hearts of men were moved to pity
-and impulses of compassion, and they desired
-that the incarcerated man might view the
-fading glories, which in their brilliancy, had
-gladdened his fellow-citizens.</p>
-
-<p>And the chief called his counsellors together,
-and Bardsley the son of his father
-rose up and spoke. “Listen, ye pilgrims, to
-the words of wisdom which fall like wild
-honey and locusts of the wilderness from my
-lips!”</p>
-
-<p>“Behold, the days of the Exposition are not
-yet quite done; it is still unsafe to risk this
-man’s attendance thereat; but lo, I would
-suggest a plan whereby we may display in
-safety our compassion.</p>
-
-<p>“Let him ascend to the top of Sawyer’s Observatory,
-and from thence look down upon
-the grounds, even as Moses of old looked
-down from Nebo’s Height upon the Holy
-Land.”</p>
-
-</div><!--dream-->
-
-<p>Yes, reader, it seems almost beyond
-belief that the lion-hearted
-solicitor should have been forgotten.
-That the city managed to worry
-along for six months without his
-supervision, is one of those mysterious
-chances which may only be explained
-when the light of history
-and careful, unprejudiced investigation
-shall, in the far distant future,
-illuminate the cobwebbed darkness
-of ages long then past.</p>
-
-<p>As Bardsley suggested, so was it
-done. A committee was appointed
-with power to act, and at high noon
-one clear, bright day, while special
-thanksgiving services were being
-chanted in all the churches, the General’s
-congealed form was hauled
-out of a wagon, with golden ice
-nippers, and landed safely on the flag
-pavement of Independence Hall. A
-gentle fire of rosewood shavings and
-sweet cacia wood was built around
-him, and he was gradually and tenderly
-thawed out. The coat of ice
-melted away; the stern features relaxed,
-the water dripped from all
-portions of the herculean frame, the
-fog, mist, and steam generated by
-the process cleared away, and</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">Charlie was himself again</span>.</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">While he was still receiving the
-congratulations of his friends, the
-contractors who were required to
-remove the buildings approached,
-and publicly offered him one hundred
-thousand dollars to remain in
-his own dwelling until the close of
-the exhibition and then go out to the
-grounds and cause a final crash.
-This, of course, would save them
-immense time, labor, and expenditure.
-With the dignity of <span class="sidenote">THE CÆSAR<br />OF THE AGE.</span>Cæsar on
-the Lupercal, he drew his form to its
-full height, and casting one look of
-disdain upon the contractors, who
-instantaneously disappeared beneath
-the flagging to rise no more, he
-walked slowly up Chestnut Street,
-followed by the plaudits of an enthusiastic
-mob.</p>
-
-<p class="fauxh3"><span class="smcap">The Awards of the Judges</span>,</p>
-
-<p class="noindent">though of immense importance, are
-of especial interest only to the exhibitors.
-Others desirous of posting
-themselves on this point, are referred
-to the musty, fusty rows of figures
-and statistics which will soon flood
-the American rag market. Two
-cents a pound is not an exorbitant
-price for information which is at all
-desirable. From the list of nine<span class="pagenum" id="Page81">[81]</span>
-hundred and eight foreign and
-domestic judges, we will merely
-select the following familiar names:&mdash;Ludlow,
-Thayer, Biddle, Dwight,
-Paxson, Hackett, Cardoza, and Finletter;
-Dr. Mary Walker, Prof.
-Proctor, Stephen Pearl Andrews,
-Bret Harte, Lydia Thompson, Wm.
-Gladstone, Elwood Rowan, Gen.
-Garibaldi, Susan B. Anthony, and
-the Marquis of Lorne.</p>
-
-<p>As the style of report was similar
-in all cases, an example will give a
-general idea of the plan adopted.
-The scriptural quotations were altered
-to suit each instance.</p>
-
-<table class="report" summary="Report">
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="5" class="scripture">“He giveth<br />his<br />beloved sleep.”</td>
-<td colspan="8" class="scripture">No. 1724.<br />“Persian Roach Powder.”</td>
-<td colspan="5" class="scripture">“There is<br />death in<br />the pot.”</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="item">No.<br />in<br />class.</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="item">Rank<br />in<br />class.</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="item">Atten-<br />dance.</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="item">Punctu-<br />ality.</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="item">Liber-<br />ality.</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="item">Mis-<br />conduct<br />marks.</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="item">Marks<br />of<br />appre-<br />ciation<br />of<br />Judges’<br />services.</td>
-<td colspan="4" class="item">Grand<br />Total.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="score">427</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="score">426</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="score">10</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="score">10</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="score">$12.75</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="score">5</td>
-<td colspan="2" class="score">12<br />boxes.</td>
-<td colspan="4" class="score">2165</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="18" class="medals bl br">&mdash;Three Gold Medals&mdash;</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="18" class="signature bl br">Parent or Guardian will sign here ............................</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="18" class="lorne bl br bb">“<span class="smcap">Lorne</span>”&mdash;Judge of Roach Powder and Mother-in-Law Departments.</td>
-</tr>
-
-</table>
-
-<p>The only squabble among the
-judges was concerning the report
-on American fried oysters. Councilman
-Rowan and Premier Gladstone
-indulged in some marked personalities.
-They might have come
-to blows but for the prompt intervention
-of Miss Lydia Thompson
-and her little cowhide. She cornered
-the belligerents. Mr. Gladstone
-apologized to our distinguished
-councilman over a dish of the matter
-in dispute, and they compromised
-on two gold medals and an honorable
-mention.</p>
-
-<p>And now&mdash;<span class="sidenote">AN END TO<br />EVERYTHING.</span></p>
-
-<p>When the hands of Nature began
-stripping the foliage from the trees,
-the hands of man began stripping
-the decorations from the gay palace-like
-structures which had been the
-theatre of the world’s interest for
-six memorable months. Like the
-possessions of that happy but mythical
-“family declining housekeeping,”
-the hope and mainstay of the cheerful,
-chirping auctioneer, little by
-little, piece by piece, the furniture
-and contents of the great buildings
-were going&mdash;going&mdash;gone!</p>
-
-<p>The white beard of Winter covers
-our beautiful Park; he has laid his
-icy hand upon the quiet stream
-which dances happily in the Summer
-days between its green fringed
-banks; the tall trees stand bare, looking
-into the gray-faced sky, and the
-jingle of sleigh-bells dies away in<span class="pagenum" id="Page82">[82]</span>
-the hollows, and rings out sharply
-o’er the frozen roads. The busy
-noise of Machinery Hall is hushed
-and forgotten; if you wish to hear
-the humming and the buzzing of
-a few weeks back, you must e’en
-apply to a humming-bird or a buzz-saw.
-The cries of the different animals
-from the vicinity of Agricultural
-Hall no longer reach the ear,
-no matter how long the ear may be,
-and the scent of a million flowers
-from Horticultural Hall no longer
-steals the senses. The stealing is
-all over; the visitors have all gone
-home.</p>
-
-<p>Our country has had her holiday,
-and, donning her honest homespun
-suit, she goes quietly, surely, and
-confidently to work upon her second
-century. ’Tis but her babyhood
-which has passed into years gone,
-and yet&mdash;she has proved herself a
-man.</p>
-
-<p>Let us not endeavor to lift the veil
-which marks the boundary of the
-present. Blessed are the eyes which
-have seen these glories past, for
-many anticipating eyes grew closed
-and dulled before the fire blazed.
-Dear reader, as its smoke is carried
-upward and beyond, reluctantly we
-say&mdash;<span class="sidenote">FAREWELL.</span></p>
-
-<p>“Farewell!”</p>
-
-<div class="container theend">
-<img src="images/illo084.jpg" alt="THE END" />
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<div class="container w20em">
-<img src="images/illo085.jpg" alt="Liberty bell" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="stilz1">JOHN STILZ &amp; SON,<br />
-<span class="textsize115"><i><b><span class="smcap">The Popular Clothiers</span></b></i></span><br />
-<span class="textsize60"><b>OF PHILADELPHIA,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize70"><i>S. E. cor. Seventh and Market Sts.</i>,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize80">FINEST READY-MADE CLOTHING,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize40 sstype"><b>CONSISTING OF</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize80"><i>Elegant Spring, Fall, and Winter Overcoats</i>,</span></p>
-
-<div class="centerblock">
-
-<p class="stilz2">FINE DRESS SUITS,<br />
-FINE BUSINESS SUITS,</p>
-
-</div><!--centerblock-->
-
-<p class="stilz3">Alpaca and Drap d’Ete Coats,</p>
-
-<p class="stilz3 c">Linen Ulsters and Dusters,</p>
-
-<p class="stilz4"><i>In immense variety, and at the lowest cash prices</i>.</p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image01">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize150"><b>ROBERT A. HANCE’S</b></p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize200">Granules of Podophyllin Comp.</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize90 sstype">FOR AFFECTIONS OF THE LIVER,</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2"><b>HEADACHE, CONSTIPATION OF THE BOWELS, etc.,</b></p>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore75 fsize110"><b><i>No. 46 N. Tenth St., Philadelphia</i>.<br />
-<span class="textsize70">(Formerly 729 Market Street.)</span></b></p>
-
-<hr class="hance" />
-
-<p class="textsize90"><span class="padl2">Our</span> <span class="smcap">Granules of Podophyllin Comp.</span> have become so popular a remedy,
-that we are encouraged to bring them more prominently before the public. They
-are invaluable for</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 textsize125 sstype"><b>Affections of the Liver,</b></p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 textsize115">CONSTIPATION, DYSPEPSIA, HEADACHE, &amp;c.</p>
-
-<p class="textsize90"><span class="padl2">They</span> are <i>purely vegetable</i>,
-and form a complete substitute for Calomel and
-Blue Mass, without any of their injurious effects. They make a safe, efficient,
-and convenient family remedy, and, being small in size, are more readily swallowed
-than a pill.</p>
-
-<p class="textsize85 blankbefore75"><span class="smcap padl2">Directions.</span>&mdash;For ordinary Headache or Liver Affections, take from 4 to 6,
-or a sufficient number on retiring to evacuate the bowels once or twice the following
-day, and in severe cases repeat the dose for two or three consecutive nights,
-and, if necessary, resume the above course in two or three days. To produce a
-cathartic effect take 8 or more at a dose.</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2"><b><i>Price 30 cents per Vial, by Mail, 35 cents.</i></b></p>
-
-<hr class="hance" />
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize80">WE ARE ALSO OFFERING</p>
-
-<p class="center fsize175"><b><i><span class="smcap">Granules of Santonine Comp.</span></i></b></p>
-
-<p class="noindent highline15 textsize85">which are particularly adapted for the expulsion of Worms in children. Unlike
-many worm nostrums of the day, they are entirely harmless, and, being small in
-size, they make a safe remedy that is readily administered.</p>
-
-<p class="highline15 textsize85"><span class="smcap padl2">Dose.</span>&mdash;2 to 4 twice daily.</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2"><b><i>Price 30 cents per Vial, by Mail, 35 cents.</i></b></p>
-
-<p class="highline15"><span class="padl2">We</span> are paying <i>exclusive attention</i> to the manufacture of the above, with a
-full line of FLUID EXTRACTS.</p>
-
-<p class="highline15"><span class="padl2">DRUGGISTS</span> and PHYSICIANS are solicited to give them a trial. We
-confidently assert their <i>superiority</i> to any in the market.</p>
-
-<p><b><span class="padl2">Price</span> List furnished upon application.</b></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image02">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="noindent"><b>HENRY M. REIS.
-<span class="righttext">C. BECHERER.</span></b></p>
-
-<p class="center highline15 blankbefore15 fsize300">REIS &amp; BECHERER,</p>
-
-<div class="container w40pc">
-<img src="images/illo087.jpg" alt="Shield R" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center highline3"><span class="sstype gesp2"><b>IMPORTERS OF</b></span><br />
-<span class="fsize200">BRANDIES, WINES, GINS,</span><br />
-<span class="fsize70"><b>ETC. ETC. ETC.,</b></span><br />
-<span class="fsize175"><b>No. 306 North Third Street,</b></span><br />
-<span class="fsize125 sstype"><b>PHILADELPHIA.</b></span></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image03">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center fsize250 sstype ws5"><b><span class="gesp1">FIELD &amp; HARDIE</span>,</b></p>
-
-<div class="split2575">
-
-<div class="left2575">
-
-<p class="field1"><span class="sstype"><b>633</b><br />
-<span class="gesp2">MARKET</span><br />
-Street,</span><br />
-<b>PHILA.,</b></p>
-
-</div><!--left2575-->
-
-<div class="right2575">
-
-<div class="split6733">
-
-<div class="left6733">
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo088a.jpg" alt="Eagle" />
-</div>
-
-</div><!--left6733-->
-
-<div class="right6733">
-
-<p class="field1"><span class="sstype"><b>624</b><br />
-Commerce<br />
-Street,</span><br />
-<b>PENNA.</b></p>
-
-</div><!--right6733-->
-
-</div><!--split6733-->
-
-</div><!--right2575-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split2575-->
-
-<p class="center sstype"><b>DEALERS AND MANUFACTURERS OF</b></p>
-
-<p class="center gesp1 fsize400"><b>HARDWARE</b></p>
-
-<div class="split1585">
-
-<div class="left1585">
-
-<p class="field3"><span class="sstype">PARTICULAR ATTENTION GIVEN TO ORDERS</span><br />
-FROM<br />
-<b>ARCHITECTS AND OTHERS</b></p>
-
-</div><!--left1585-->
-
-<div class="right1585">
-
-<div class="split8317">
-
-<div class="left8317">
-
-<div class="container ratchet">
-<img src="images/illo088b.jpg" alt="Ratchet" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="field2">FOR<br />
-<span class="textsize110"><b>BUILDERS, MACHINISTS, AND RAILROADS.</b></span></p>
-
-</div><!--left8317-->
-
-<div class="right8317">
-
-<p class="field3">FOR<br />
-<span class="textsize120"><b>HARDWARE</b></span><br />
-<span class="sstype textsize110">SUITABLE FOR ALL KINDS OF BUILDINGS.</span></p>
-
-</div><!--right8317-->
-
-</div><!--split8317-->
-
-</div><!--right1585-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split1585-->
-
-<p class="field4 sstype">ALWAYS IN STOCK A FULL LINE OF</p>
-
-<div class="split2575">
-
-<div class="left2575">
-
-<div class="container key">
-<img src="images/illo088c.jpg" alt="Key" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="field7">MASTER KEY.<br />
-Set of 6 to 100 Locks.<br />
-No two sets alike, unless so
-ordered.</p>
-
-</div><!--left2575-->
-
-<div class="right2575">
-
-<div class="split6733">
-
-<div class="left6733">
-
-<p class="field5"><b>Sash Pulleys, with Composition Pins,<br />
-<span class="textsize90">FOR HEAVY SASH,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize60">Of our own Manufacture.</span><br />
-<span class="textsize150"><span class="gesp2">DOOR LOCKS</span>,</span></b><br />
-<i>Over Two Hundred Styles</i>.</p>
-
-<p class="field6">Including MALLORY, WHEELER &amp; CO.’S New
-Four-Tumbler Mortice and Rim Locks, with Master
-Keys. Put up in sets for Hotels and Private Residences.
-LOCK TRIMMINGS IN PURE SOLID
-BRONZE, SILVER AND NICKEL PLATED, with
-Butt Hinges to match.</p>
-
-<p class="field6">Every variety of TRIMMINGS for Sash, and
-Inside Shutters.</p>
-
-<p class="center fsize110"><b>NAILS,</b><br />
-<span class="sstype"><b>Sash-Weights, and Cord.</b></span></p>
-
-</div><!--left6733-->
-
-<div class="right6733">
-
-<div class="container key">
-<img src="images/illo088d.jpg" alt="Key" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="field8">Key belonging to a set of<br />
-6 to 100 Locks.<br />
-No two in the set alike.</p>
-
-</div><!--right6733-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split6733-->
-
-</div><!--right2575-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split2575-->
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image04">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Established 1841.</span></p>
-
-<hr class="wright" />
-
-<p class="wright1">WRIGHT’S<br />
-<span class="textsize120"><b>“NE PLUS ULTRA”</b></span><br />
-<span class="sstype"><b>MINCED MEAT.</b></span></p>
-
-<div class="medal">
-
-<div class="split3565">
-
-<div class="left3565">
-
-<p class="wright2"><b>Be careful of<br />
-unprincipled Grocers<br />
-representing that</b></p>
-
-</div><!--left3565-->
-
-<div class="right3565">
-
-<div class="split4654">
-
-<div class="left4654">
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo089.jpg" alt="Medal" />
-</div>
-
-</div><!--left4654-->
-
-<div class="right4654">
-
-<p class="wright2"><b>They sell Wright’s<br />
-“NE PLUS ULTRA”<br />
-Minced Meat.</b></p>
-
-</div><!--right4654-->
-
-</div><!--split4654-->
-
-</div><!--right3565-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split3565-->
-
-</div><!--medal-->
-
-<p class="center fsize125">The only Medal for Minced Meat, awarded by the Franklin
-Institute of 1874 to</p>
-
-<p class="wright3"><b>JOSHUA WRIGHT,</b><br />
-<span class="textsize75"><b><i>S. W. Corner</i></b></span><br />
-Spring Garden and Franklin Streets,<br />
-<span class="sstype textsize90"><b>PHILADELPHIA.</b></span></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image05">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="meyer1"><span class="textsize120"><b>H. D. MEYER,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize130">MILLINERY GOODS,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize75"><b>RIBBONS,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize90"><b>SILKS, SATINS, VELVETS,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize40">AND</span><br />
-<span class="textsize80"><b><i>STRAW GOODS</i>,</b></span><br />
-No. 52 North Eighth Street,</p>
-
-<p class="meyer2"><b>Below Arch, west side,</b></p>
-
-<p class="meyer1 sstype gesp1 blankbefore1"><span class="textsize90"><b>PHILADELPHIA.</b></span></p>
-
-<hr class="meyer" />
-
-<p class="meyer1"><span class="textsize80"><b><i>Trimmed Hats and Bonnets a Specialty.</i></b></span></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image06">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="dickson1"><span class="smcap textsize175 gesp1">J. Dickson &amp; Co.</span>,<br />
-<span class="textsize155">ENGRAVERS</span><br />
-<span class="textsize65">BY</span><br />
-<span class="smcap textsize155">Dickson’s Patent Process</span>.<br />
-<span class="gesp4">OFFICE</span>:<br />
-<span class="sstype textsize85"><b><i>North-East Corner Fourth and Walnut Sts.</i>,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize95">PHILADELPHIA, PA.</span><br />
-<span class="sstype textsize55"><b>These Engravings possess the following Advantages over Wood Cuts:</b></span></p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">They are made of a material that is SUPERIOR to either metal
-or wood.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">They are not affected by DAMPNESS or any corroding agents,
-and will not WARP or SPLIT.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">They do not get BLURRED when a large number of impressions
-are printed from them; and they are furnished at <b><span class="sstype">One-Half the
-Cost</span></b>.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">Electrotypes and Stereotypes can be made from these Engravings
-in the usual manner.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">These Engravings are mounted on blocks type high, ready for use
-on any printing press.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">Proofs furnished when required, and Engravings guaranteed to
-equal proof in all respects.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">Engravings made for all sorts of Illustrations for Catalogues, Circulars,
-Books and Newspapers, etc.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">Printers, Publishers, Manufacturers and others, desiring first-class
-work at reasonable prices, should give us a trial.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">By this process all styles of Engraving may be imitated; thus
-enabling type printers to do work formerly done by Lithography
-and other methods.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">Accurate, Fine, and Effective Work, also Illustrated Catalogues, a
-Specialty.</p>
-
-<p class="dickson3"><span class="smcap"><span class="textsize150">E</span><span class="upabit">stimates </span>
-<span class="textsize150">F</span><span class="upabit">urnished.</span></span></p>
-
-<p class="dickson2">The Engravings made by our method have not the broken and
-blurred appearance so peculiar in photo-engravings, zinc etchings,
-and other kindred processes; besides being furnished in a very short
-time, and at half the price of wood cuts.</p>
-
-<p class="center highline4 fsize80"><b>ENGRAVINGS MADE FROM PHOTOGRAPHS, SKETCHES, REPRINTS, &amp;c., &amp;c.</b></p>
-
-<p class="right highline2"><span class="fsize125 padr8"><span class="textsize80 upabit padr2">Address,</span>
-<span class="fsize125 padl2">J. DICKSON &amp; CO.,</span></span><br />
-<span class="sstype fsize80 padr4"><i>NORTH-EAST CORNER FOURTH AND WALNUT STREETS</i>,</span><br />
-<span class="gesp1">PHILADELPHIA, PA.</span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent"><b>N. B.&mdash;Orders by Mail Promptly Attended to.</b></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image07">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="claxton1"><span class="smcap">Publishers, Booksellers,<br />
-I<span class="textsize70 upabit">mporters and</span> S<span class="textsize70 upabit">tationers.</span></span></p>
-
-<div class="split1090">
-
-<div class="left1090">
-
-<p class="claxton2">We carry<br />complete<br />stocks of<br />Standard<br />Miscel-<br />laneous<br />Books,<br />
-School<br />and<br />College<br />
-Text-<br />Books,<br />Foreign<br />and<br />Domestic<br />Stationery.</p>
-
-</div><!--left1090-->
-
-<div class="right1090">
-
-<div class="split8911">
-
-<div class="left8911">
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo092.jpg" alt="Office building" />
-</div>
-
-</div><!--left8911-->
-
-<div class="right8911">
-
-<p class="claxton2">We offer<br />ad-<br />vantages<br />for the<br />Purchase<br />of Goods<br />in all<br />
-Depart-<br />ments<br />of our<br />Business,<br />
-unequalled<br />by any<br />House<br />in the<br />Trade.</p>
-
-</div><!--right8911-->
-
-</div><!--split8911-->
-
-</div><!--right1090-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split1090-->
-
-<p class="claxton1"><span class="smcap textsize75">Claxton, Remsen &amp; Haffelfinger</span><br />
-<span class="textsize75">624, 626 and 628 Market St.,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize60">PHILADELPHIA.</span></p>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore75 fsize110">All orders for everything required by the Trade filled Promptly and on
-the Most Favorable Terms. Correspondence solicited.</p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image08">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="pitkin1"><b><i><span class="gesp1">PITKIN &amp; THOMAS</span></i>,</b><br />
-<span class="textsize60"><b>No. 71 North Second Street,</b></span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent fsize80"><b>PITKIN, WATERBURY &amp; CO.,</b><br />
-<span class="padl8 textsize90"><i>110 Chambers St., New York</i>.</span></p>
-
-<p class="right sstype fsize150 uphalfem">PHILADELPHIA,</p>
-
-<p class="center highline4 fsize80">WHOLESALE DEALERS IN</p>
-
-<p class="center highline15 sstype fsize200"><b>GOVERNMENT STORES,</b></p>
-
-<p class="noindent fsize125"><b>OVERCOATS,<br />
-<span class="padl8">DRESS COATS,</span><br />
-<span class="padl16">BLOUSES,</span><br />
-<span class="padl24">JACKETS,</span><br />
-<span class="padl32">PANTS, <span class="fsize90">etc. etc.</span></span></b><br />
-</p>
-
-<p class="center highline15 sstype fsize200"><b>ARMY BOOTS AND SHOES.</b></p>
-
-<p class="noindent fsize125"><b><span class="padl6">RUBBER BLANKETS,</span><br />
-<span class="padl12">RUBBER OVERCOATS,</span><br />
-<span class="padl18">RUBBER HORSE COVERS,</span><br />
-<span class="padl24">WOOLLEN BLANKETS.</span></b></p>
-
-<p class="noindent"><span class="padl4 fsize125">Also,</span></p>
-
-<p class="center highline4 fsize80 sstype gesp2"><b>MANUFACTURERS OF AND DEALERS IN</b></p>
-
-<p class="pitkin2">Buggy, Track, and Team Harness,<br />
-<span class="sstype textsize80"><b>HORSE CLOTHING, &amp;c.</b></span></p>
-
-<div class="container w05em">
-<img src="images/illo093.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize150"><i>SEND FOR PRICE LIST.</i></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image09">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center highline15 fsize300"><b><span class="gesp1">LADIES’ FURS</span>.</b></p>
-
-<p class="center highline3 sstype fsize125"><b>BUFFALO AND SLEIGH ROBES.</b></p>
-
-<div class="split2575">
-
-<div class="left2575">
-
-<p class="seal"><span class="padl2">Seal</span><br />
-<span class="padl3">Coats.</span></p>
-
-</div><!--left2575-->
-
-<div class="right2575">
-
-<div class="split6733">
-
-<div class="left6733">
-
-<p class="center sstype" style="font-size: 4.5em;"><b>FURS.</b></p>
-
-</div><!--left6733-->
-
-<div class="right6733">
-
-<p class="seal">Seal<br />
-<span class="padl2">Caps.</span></p>
-
-</div><!--right6733-->
-
-</div><!--split6733-->
-
-</div><!--right2575-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split2575-->
-
-<p class="center fsize80"><i><b>etc. etc. etc.</b></i></p>
-
-<p class="reisky"><span class="textsize65"><b>BEST QUALITIES, LARGEST STOCK,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize110"><b><span class="gesp4"><i>LOWEST PRICES</i></span>,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize50">AT</span><br />
-<span class="textsize150"><b>NAV. C. REISKY,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize90">No. 237 ARCH STREET,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize75"><b>PHILADELPHIA.</b></span></p>
-
-<p class="center padl4 padr4 fsize125"><i>P.S.&mdash;I can sell a first-class article 10 per cent.
-less than any other fur store in the City.</i></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo094.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center highline15 fsize125">Shipping Furs bought in season.</p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image10">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo095a.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
-</div>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<div class="illotext">
-
-<div class="split2080">
-
-<div class="left2080">
-
-<p class="center">HARBACH<br />BROS.,<br />
-CONFEC-<br />TIONERS,</p>
-
-</div><!--left2080-->
-
-<div class="right2080">
-
-<div class="split7525">
-
-<div class="left7525">
-
-<p class="center">HARBACH’S ORIGINAL CENTENNIAL NOUGATINES</p>
-
-<div class="split3367">
-
-<div class="left3367">
-
-<p class="center fsize70">ESTABLISHED 1842.<br />
-HARBACH’S<br />
-ORIGINAL WALNUT<br />
-CANDY.</p>
-
-</div><!--left3367-->
-
-<div class="right3367">
-
-<div class="split5050">
-
-<div class="left5050">
-
-<p class="center fsize70">HARBACH’S<br />
-ORIGINAL<br />
-CONFECTIONS.</p>
-
-</div><!--left5050-->
-
-<div class="right5050">
-
-<p class="center fsize70">HARBACH’S<br />
-ORIGINAL CARAMEL<br />
-COCOANUT.<br />
-PATENTED MARCH 28, 1871.</p>
-
-</div><!--right5050-->
-
-</div><!--split5050-->
-
-</div><!--right3367-->
-
-</div><!--split3367-->
-
-</div><!--left7525-->
-
-<div class="right7525">
-
-<p class="center"><i>36 N<br />EIGHTH ST.</i>,<br />
-PHILADA.,<br />PA.</p>
-
-</div><!--right2575-->
-
-</div><!--split2575-->
-
-</div><!--right2080-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split2080-->
-
-<p class="center"><span class="smcap"><i>36 N<sup>TH</sup> 8<sup>TH</sup> St. &amp; 807 &amp; 809 Filbert St. Philada. Pa.</i></span></p>
-
-</div><!--illotext-->
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo095b.jpg" alt="Slide show" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="container">
-<img src="images/illo095c.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
-</div>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<div class="illotext">
-
-<div class="split1783">
-
-<div class="left1783">
-<p class="center fsize80">LATEST<br />NOVELTIES<br />
-<i>and<br />Improvements<br />in</i></p>
-</div>
-
-<div class="right1783">
-
-<div class="split8515">
-
-<div class="left8515">
-
-<div class="split3367">
-
-<div class="left3367">
-<p class="center fsize70">SCIOPTICON<br />
-AND 60 SLIDES $75<br />
-AND 100 SLIDES $100<br />
-LATEST IMPROVED</p>
-</div>
-
-<div class="right3367">
-
-<div class="split5050">
-
-<div class="left5050">
-<p class="center fsize70">THEO. J. HARBACH<br />
-IMPORTER<br />
-AND<br />
-MANUFACTURER<br />
-OF SLIDES FOR<br />
-the STEREOPTICON<br />
-<i>&amp; MAGIC LANTERN</i><br />
-<span class="smcap"><i>Catalogue Free.</i></span><br />
-809 FILBERT ST. PHILA. PA.</p>
-</div>
-
-<div class="right5050">
-<p class="center fsize70">DANCING SKELETON<br />
-TAKES OFF HEAD<br />
-DOUBLE MOVEMENT<br />
-ONLY $5<sup>00</sup>.</p>
-</div>
-
-</div><!--split5050-->
-
-</div><!--right3367-->
-
-</div><!--split3367-->
-
-</div><!--left8515-->
-
-<div class="right8515">
-<p class="center fsize80">MAGIC<br />LANTERNS,<br />
-Stereopticons &amp; Slides.</p>
-</div>
-
-</div><!--split8515-->
-
-</div><!--right1783-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split1783-->
-
-</div><!--illotext-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image11">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize175"><b>J. HENRY GERCKE,</b></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo096a.jpg" alt="Gercke (presumably)" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="gercke"><span class="smcap"><span class="textsize200">Watchmaker and Jeweler</span>,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize175">1206 Pine Street,</span><br />
-<b><i>PHILADELPHIA</i>,</b><br />
-<span class="sstype textsize70 gesp1"><b>DEALER IN</b></span><br />
-<span class="fsize150">Watches, Jewelry, Wedding Rings, etc.</span><br />
-<span class="sstype textsize70 gesp1">MANUFACTURER OF</span><br />
-<span class="textsize125"><b>Masonic Marks, Society Emblems, etc.</b></span><br />
-<span class="sstype textsize70 gesp1"><b>ALSO SPECIAL AGENT FOR THE</b></span><br />
-<span class="fsize150"><b>CENTENNIAL WATCH,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize50">AND THE</span><br />
-<span class="textsize200">CELEBRATED “56” CHARM.</span></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo096b.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center fsize125"><b><i>Particular attention paid to Repairing.</i></b></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image12">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center highline3 fsize125"><b>ENTERPRISING.<span class="padl5 padr5">PROMPT.</span>PRACTICAL.</b></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo097a.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center fsize200 highline2"><span class="gesp1">HIRSCH &amp; LARZELERE</span>,<br />
-<span class="textsize70 sstype"><b>COMMERCIAL PRINTERS,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize110"><b>No. 30 South Fourth St., Philada.</b></span></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo097b.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize80"><b>SPECIALTIES:</b></p>
-
-<p class="right fsize150"><b><span class="padr24">BILL-HEADS,</span><br />
-<span class="padr12">LETTER-HEADS,</span><br />
-<span class="padr6">STATEMENTS,</span><br />
-<span class="padr2">LABELS,</span></b></p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize150"><b>CIRCULARS, CARDS, etc. etc.</b></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo097b.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center fsize150"><i>Printing in English, German, French, Spanish,
-and all Modern Languages.</i></p>
-
-<hr class="hirsch1"  />
-
-<p class="center fsize150 gesp1">GIVE US A TRIAL.</p>
-
-<hr class="hirsch2" />
-
-<p class="center highline3 fsize90"><b>HENRY N. HIRSCH.<span class="padl4 padr4">EDWARD HIRSCH.</span>SAMUEL
-M. LARZELERE.</b></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image13">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center fsize200 highline2"><b>ALLEN SCOTT &amp; CO.,<br />
-<span class="textsize175"><span class="gesp2">IMPORTERS</span>,</span></b><br />
-<span class="textsize70">Wholesale and Retail Dealers in</span><br />
-<span class="textsize110"><b>CARPETINGS, OIL CLOTHS</b></span></p>
-
-<p class="center"><i>etc. etc. etc.</i>,</p>
-
-<p class="center fsize200 highline2 blankbefore15"><span class="textsize90">No. 35</span><br />
-<span class="textsize120"><b>North Second Street,</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize90 sstype"><b>PHILADELPHIA.</b></span></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo098.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center fsize200 highline15"><span class="gesp1">P. E. McKENNA</span>.</p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image14">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center fsize125">Established 1844.</p>
-
-<hr class="mcallister" />
-
-<p class="noindent highline2"><b>JOS. McALLISTER.</b>
-<span class="righttext"><b>WM. F. CARRIGAN.</b></span></p>
-
-<p class="center highline3 fsize150"><span class="textsize200">McAllister &amp; Co.,</span><br />
-<span class="sstype textsize50">MANUFACTURERS OF AND DEALERS IN</span><br />
-<span class="textsize130"><span class="gesp2">FINE WINDOW SHADES</span>,</span><br />
-<span class="textsize65"><b>PLAIN, FIGURED, OR LETTERED, FOR</b></span></p>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore15 fsize150"><i>Dwellings</i>, <i>Stores</i>, <i>Hotels</i>,
-<i>Churches</i>, <i>Factories</i>,</p>
-
-<p class="center fsize90">ETC. ETC. ETC.</p>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore2"><span class="textsize140"><b>Nos. 17 and 19 N. Second Street,</b></span><br />
-<b>(<i>Opp. Christ Church</i>,)</b></p>
-
-<p class="center highline4 fsize125 gesp1">PHILADELPHIA.</p>
-
-<p class="center highline3"><span class="sstype textsize90"><b>Patentees and Wholesale Agents for</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize250"><b>THE NOVELTY</b></span><br />
-<span class="textsize200"><b>WINDOW SHADE FIXTURE.</b></span></p>
-
-<div class="container w10em">
-<img src="images/illo099.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center fsize150 highline2"><i>FINE STORE SHADES A SPECIALTY.</i></p>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image15">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center fsize200 gesp1">HALE, KILBURN &amp; CO.,</p>
-
-<p class="center highline2 sstype fsize80"><b>SOLE PROPRIETORS AND MANUFACTURERS OF</b></p>
-
-<div class="container nomargin w12em">
-<img src="images/illo100a.jpg" alt="Factory" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center fsize150"><b>The “Champion” Folding Bedstead and Crib.</b></p>
-
-<p class="center fsize90"><b>The “Everitt” Bedstead.</b></p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75 blankafter75">The most complete thing of its kind ever invented. Folded, it is a perfect
-imitation of a wardrobe; unfolded, a complete bedstead; is folded with the bed
-ready to occupy, and requires but a <i>moment</i> to fold and unfold.</p>
-
-<div class="split2080">
-
-<div class="left2080">
-<p class="bedstead">Made in every
-Style, from the
-Plainest to the
-most elaborate.</p>
-</div><!--left2080-->
-
-<div class="right2080">
-
-<div class="split7723">
-
-<div class="left7723">
-
-<div class="container nomargin">
-<img src="images/illo100b.jpg" alt="Folding bed" />
-</div>
-
-</div><!--left7723-->
-
-<div class="right7723">
-<p class="bedstead">The best article
-of furniture
-offered for use
-during the Centennial
-Year.</p>
-</div><!--right7723-->
-
-</div><!--split7723-->
-
-</div><!--right2080-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split2080-->
-
-<p class="center sstype fsize60">CLOSED.<span class="padl12 padr12">OPENING.</span>OPEN.</p>
-
-<p class="center"><b><i>Prices to suit all classes, running from $33 upwards.</i></b></p>
-
-<div class="container nomargin w10em">
-<img src="images/illo100e.jpg" alt="Line" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore75 blankafter75 fsize150"><span class="gesp1">HALE’S FLEXIBLE TOP SPRING BED</span>.<br />
-<span class="textsize60">CLEAN, NEAT, NOISELESS, COMFORTABLE, DURABLE, CHEAP.</span></p>
-
-<div class="container w25em nomargin">
-<img src="images/illo100f.jpg" alt="Bed" />
-</div>
-
-<p class="center"><span class="textsize120">HALE’S FLEXIBLE SEAT CHAIRS, STOOLS, etc. etc.</span><br />
-<i>Superior in every respect to any other wood or cane seat.<br />
-Give perfect satisfaction. Send for descriptive<br />
-circular and price list.</i></p>
-
-<hr class="hale" />
-
-<p class="center blankafter75"><span class="textsize85">ALSO, GENERAL MANUFACTURERS OF</span><br />
-<span class="textsize110">Walnut Picture and Looking-glass Frames, Mouldings, Pedestals,
-Music Stands, etc. etc.</span></p>
-
-<div class="split3367">
-
-<div class="left3367">
-<p class="noindent"><b>BRANCH STORE,</b><br />
-<span class="padl2"><i>613 Broadway</i>,</span><br />
-<span class="fsize80"><span class="padl8">New York.</span></span></p>
-</div><!--left3367-->
-
-<div class="right3367">
-
-<div class="split5050">
-
-<div class="left5050">
-<p class="center"><b>SALESROOM,</b><br />
-<i>48 &amp; 50 N. Sixth St.</i>,<br />
-<span class="fsize80">Philadelphia, Pa.</span></p>
-</div><!--left5050-->
-
-<div class="right5050">
-<p class="right"><span class="padr2">FACTORIES,</span><br />
-<span class="padr4">48 &amp; 50 N. 6th St.,</span><br />
-<span class="fsize80">615-621 Filbert St., Phila.</span></p>
-</div><!--right5050-->
-
-</div><!--split5050-->
-
-</div><!--right3367-->
-
-<p class="thinline allclear">&#160;</p>
-
-</div><!--split3367-->
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image16">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<div class="advert">
-
-<p class="center highline2 fsize300"><b>DENNISON &amp; CO.</b></p>
-
-<p class="center fsize125"><b>Boston, New York, Philadelphia,<br />
-Chicago, Cincinnati, St. Louis.</b></p>
-
-<hr class="dennison" />
-
-<p class="noindent"><span class="textsize105"><i>Dennison’s Patent Shipping Tags.<br />
-<span class="padl4">Cloth, Parchment, and Metal Eyelet Shipping Tags.</span><br />
-<span class="padl8">Merchandise Tags for Cloths, Clothing, Dry Goods,</span><br />
-<span class="padl12">Hardware, Fancy Goods, Jewelry, etc.</span><br />
-<span class="padl16">Gum Labels and Legal Seals, Pin Tickets,</span><br />
-<span class="padl20">Fancy Tickets, Artificial Flower Labels,</span><br />
-<span class="padl24">Pattern Cards for Woollens.</span></i></span></p>
-
-<p class="noindent blankbefore75"><i><span class="textsize105">Jeweller’s Paper Boxes,</span><br />
-<span class="padl6">Jeweller’s Cards, Pink and White Cotton,</span><br />
-<span class="padl12">Fine Twines, Sealing Wax, etc. etc.</span><br />
-<span class="padl18">Apothecaries’ Powder Papers and Boxes.</span></i></p>
-
-<p class="center highline3 blankbefore75 sstype"><b>IMPORTERS OF</b></p>
-
-<p class="noindent textsize105"><i>Fine English Tissue Papers Chamois Skins,<br />
-<span class="padl12">Morocco Ring and Thimble Boxes,</span><br />
-<span class="padl24">Sealing Wax, Wood Boxes, etc. etc.</span></i></p>
-
-<p class="center blankbefore2 fsize110"><b><i>Sales Agents for McGill’s Goods.</i></b></p>
-
-<hr class="dennison" />
-
-<table class="dennison" summary="Locations">
-
-<tr>
-<td class="left">632 Chestnut St., Philada.</td>
-<td class="left">19 Milk St., Boston.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="center">202 Broadway, New York.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td class="left">150 S. Clark St., Chicago.</td>
-<td class="left">4th &amp; Vine Sts., Cincin.</td>
-</tr>
-
-<tr>
-<td colspan="2" class="center">110 Pine Street, St. Louis.</td>
-</tr>
-
-</table>
-
-</div><!--advert-->
-
-<p class="adref"><a href="#Image17">Facsimile</a> of advertisement.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="container dg" id="Ref1">
-<div class="container w15em">
-<img src="images/endcover.jpg" alt="Back cover" />
-</div>
-<p class="caption"><span class="sstype">THE DIRECTOR-GENERAL AFTER THE EXHIBITION.</span></p>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap x-ebookmaker-drop" />
-
-<div class="container adillo" id="Image01">
-<img src="images/ad085.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="container adillo" id="Image02">
-<img src="images/ad086.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
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-<div class="container adillo" id="Image03">
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-
-<div class="container adillo" id="Image04">
-<img src="images/ad088.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="container adillo" id="Image05">
-<img src="images/ad089.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
-</div>
-
-<div class="container adillo" id="Image06">
-<img src="images/ad090.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
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-<div class="container adillo" id="Image07">
-<img src="images/ad091.jpg" alt="Advertisement" />
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-<div class="container adillo" id="Image08">
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-<div class="container adillo" id="Image11">
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-<div class="container adillo" id="Image14">
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-<div class="container adillo" id="Image15">
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-<div class="container adillo" id="Image17">
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-</div>
-
-<hr class="full" />
-
-<div class="tnbot" id="TN">
-
-<h2>Transcriber&#8217;s Notes</h2>
-
-<p>The language of the source document has been retained, including (deliberate or accidental)
-inconsistencies and misspellings (e.g. Livingtone in the Opinions of the Press,
-CHIL-DLIKE on page 35, ~0007 on page 37), except as mentioned below.</p>
-
-<p>Depending on the hard- and software used to read this text and their settings, not all elements may display as intended.</p>
-
-<p>Texts in <span class="illotext">a dotted box</span> under illustrations have been transcribed from the illustration for
-the sake of legibility. The advertisements in the last pages have been transcribed as well and are followed by
-facsimile images.</p>
-
-<p class="blankbefore75">Changes made</p>
-
-<p>Page headers from the source document have been transcribed in dashed boxes in the margin and moved to where they would
-appear to fit best.</p>
-
-<p>Some obvious minor punctuation and typographical errors have been corrected silently.</p>
-
-<p>Page 79: Forbes of Boston’s hub changed to Forbes of Boston’s tub.</p>
-
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